Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/13174272.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      No_Archive_Warnings_Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      Gen, M/M, Multi, Other
  Fandom:
      Thor_(Movies)
  Relationship:
      Loki/Odin_(Marvel), Loki/Thor_(Marvel)
  Character:
      Odin_(Marvel), Loki_(Marvel), Frigga_(Marvel), Thor_(Marvel), Brunnhilde
      |_Valkyrie_(Marvel)
  Additional Tags:
      Dark_Past, dark!odin, Sexual_Abuse, POV_Loki_(Marvel), Parent/Child
      Incest, Pseudo-Incest, i_don't_know_what_more_trigger_warnings_it_might
      need, Intersex_Jotunn_(Marvel), Intersex_Loki_(Marvel), Odin's_F-
      Parenting, Pregnant_Loki_(Marvel), Abortion, Alternate_Universe_-_Canon
      Divergence, canon_is_background, One_Shot, Not_Beta_Read
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-12-28 Words: 3907
****** The Father ******
by kindaeccentric
Summary
     Loki's resentment towards his adoptive father has always had a
     different, more morbid reason. Odin was barely benevolent when he
     took him in... Nobody knew what secret the walls of the royal palace
     hide.
     ***
     The short chronicle of Loki's entire dysfunctional sex life.
Notes
     This whole description is so that the tumblr police won't get me, you
     can skip it:
     It's the most fucked up thing I wrote up to date. If you expect
     'Lolita' kind of description, it's not that. That's my other fic and
     a different couple of characters and a different dynamics, still in
     writing. I test out my versatility as a writer. *This* is
     intentionally dry. This is to show Loki as a completely different
     kind of character, that does exactly the same things, that happened
     in canon, but for different reasons. If it feels too sexual, it's
     because it focuses on only one aspect of Loki's life, the rest is
     practically covered in canon, with some minor changes. In other
     words, if you watch Game Of Thrones, don't yell at me for using the
     same kinds of topics.
     Soooo... Having said that, I hope it's not badly written and reads at
     least ok. :)
See the end of the work for more notes
Everyone thought Loki was Odin and Frigga's son. Everyone could see how the
young princes grow up adored by their father. Everyone could tell Loki is
becoming quite a troublemaker jealous of his brother. Everyone would say he’s a
spoiled brat, who doesn't even appreciate expensive gifts Odin was bringing him
from his voyages.
Nobody knew what Loki knew.
He remembered growing up with Odin being a loving father. A father, that would
sit him in his lap and kiss him on the lips and bring him the best toys. He
thought he’s being favored.
Around age five he started to be curious about his body and played doctor with
Thor. He learned several things then. That touching down there feels strange,
but good, that his parts are a bit different than Thor’s, and that father gets
angry when Thor is naked, but not when him.
Then Frigga explained to him, he is technically adopted, that his biological
parents were different race from one of the realms and that's why his body is
different. She was very gentle about it and he took it well. She later was the
one to answer any questions he had in that matter.
As he grew he realized Odin treats Thor differently. Odin was giving him a lot
more attention, but was touching him less. He didn't know why, but it bothered
him. Only he got reprimanded when he and Thor said they are going to marry each
other. Loki often caught father looking at him in a strange way, but never told
anyone.
When he was seven he didn't want to sit in Odin’s lap any more and never
allowed him to kiss him on the mouth again, because Odin never done it to Thor.
Loki didn't tell anyone either when Odin brought him a new robe, took him to
his chamber and encouraged him to immediately see if it fits and he had to
undress in front of him. Father grew impatient and undressed him himself. Loki
could never forget the shame and the tone of voice Odin used to tell him, that
he's a beautiful creature. Not a child, not a boy, not his son. A beautiful
creature. It haunted Loki forever.
Father would touch him in a normal way, pet his hair the same style he petted
Thor’s, but then his hand more often than not slid down to his neck or even to
his chest or back. The only person he saw Odin touch like this was mother. Once
when he and father were alone he got asked why he doesn't like kisses from his
dad. He was paralyzed, because he had no answer, that wouldn't anger him. He
was manipulated into letting Odin kiss him and it was slimy and invading. He
run away as soon as he could.
Loki played with Thor and he knew it's not his fault, but he started to be
angry with him. That he doesn't have that primal fear of staying alone with
their father. That he doesn't know. That he is the golden, innocent child Loki
himself wanted to be. He often played nasty tricks on him, but still, he loved
Thor. He was glad his brother doesn't experience the same he does. He liked the
nights when they were allowed by mother to sleep in one bed. Being with Thor
became synonymous to safety.
They both were still clueless about their sexuality, but Thor seemed to have
curiosity without shame. Loki on the other hand tried masturbating several
times and once father came into his bedroom right in the middle and seeing him
all flushed and hot asked him if he's sick. He took off the covers from him and
kissed his hands cooing over him, saying it's wrong, but he isn't angry. Loki
started to lock his chamber every night. He and Thor showed each other what
they have inside their pants and kissed by pressing their lips together, which
were rather just pecks. Loki didn't feel scared with him, felt more
experienced, but the feeling, that they shouldn't do it, caught up with him and
they stopped.
By then Loki was nine and knew full well he had right to not let Odin close to
him, but was afraid of him. Odin was an adult, and a strong one, with
authority. He decided the boys are too old to sleep together. They protested,
but when Loki stayed alone with Odin he heard he can't sleep with him, because
of his nature. Loki understood much later he meant Thor in his mind was
completely pure, because he was his sweet innocent son, but he imagined Loki to
be born depraved, that he liked the thought of Loki as lusty and insatiable.
Over the next years Odin was constantly trying to seduce him, which was just
mild, but undoubtedly, harassment. Touching his hair, or his naked arms,
complimenting the shape of his lips, or his hips, or his hands and constant
suggestion of sex in the way he talked to him. Loki didn’t understand at first,
then resisted, but the persistence of it was wearing him out. Once when Odin
called him his son while caressing his hip he asked why he doesn't go and do
the same to his other son. Odin slapped him hard. He knew father liked to see
him wearing more feminine clothes and stopped doing it. He loved his father for
the moments when he really was like one, he even recognized how handsome he
still was, but his behavior was disgusting him. He was spending with Thor and
his friends all the time he could to avoid it.
They were fourteen when Loki found himself alone with his brother in their
favorite hiding spot in a giant hollow tree. They were laying down on a blanket
and talking. The topic of conversation turned towards girls. Thor confessed he
liked Sif and asked Loki if he ever liked anyone. He said he didn't, but Thor
teased him. He felt hurt, so Thor tried to comfort him and then Loki kissed
him. Thor didn't push him away, he was rather surprised. He even let Loki get
on top of him and sneak his hand into his pants. Thor did the same, although
less gracefully. They both came and didn't talk about this later, but Loki
thought about it a lot. He felt like father was right and he indeed should be
stopped, the guilt was overwhelming, but Thor never changed his attitude
towards him. If anything, they became closer than ever.
Loki experienced a whole sexual awakening. He went through his first Jotun
menstrual cycle, but mother thought him magic, that made it practically
unnoticeable to him. He realized he starts to look alluring to others and he
decided to do everything against his father’s will out of anger and tried to
seduce Thor. It was also egoistic, because he was very much attracted to him.
The fact was, Thor didn’t even have to be coerced. He wanted Loki as well. They
were doing all sorts of sexual things in secret for weeks. Loki laughing
internally at the irony, that all Odin didn't want was happening right under
his nose. It even made the harassment more bearable. He allowed himself to be
playful, to tease the dirty old man for fun. He started to enjoy the power he
had over Odin. A touch here, a hug there and the man was nearly drooling.
The first time Thor actually had penetrative sex with Loki was when the whole
family went to a feast in another realm. The brothers had a few drinks and were
getting way too loud, so they were sent away to guest quarters to cool off.
Odin wasn't content to let his little toy go, but couldn't say it. Thor
practically threw himself on Loki and he was relaxed enough from the wine to
let him do it. It wasn't bad, they felt satisfied.
Their affair faced a crisis when Odin made a certain decision. He invaded
Loki's room, caressed Loki’s arms, but then pressed his whole body to him and
Loki pushed him away feeling his hard-on. ‘Why do you think I took you? I’ve
waited so long for you to ripe like a fresh fruit. You know I waited. Saved you
from the dirt of this world, fed you, clothed you… I deserve something as well.
You're sixteen, that's the right time to take responsibility’, said Odin then.
Loki was surprised and terrified.
That night Loki hid by Thor’s side, in his bed. Odin wouldn't look for him
there. They were together like years before as children. Thor didn't know why
his lover looks miserable, but humored him reminding him how they used to kiss
and show each other their penises and how innocent it was. They had sweet, slow
sex. Loki almost forgot who waits for him outside of this chamber. He didn't
tell Thor. He didn't want him to get the wrong idea or go to confront Odin. In
his mind it was much better for them not to know about each other, because Odin
could become even more insane and punish him and Thor.
A few days later Loki was in the library, putting away a book and he assumed he
was alone. Suddenly he knew he wasn't. Odin’s step and presence was easily
recognizable, so he didn't even bother to turn around when he felt a hand
tucking his hair behind his ear and sliding down to the hip. Another body’s
warmth appeared close to his back, as if hugging him, but a kiss on the neck
made it clear it wasn't that. Loki was gently pushed against a bookshelf and
invading hands touched him all over. He didn’t participate, but he wasn't
actively resisting. He asked Odin not to do it there, hoping he’ll be left
alone once again, but it didn't work, so he moved to break away. His wrists
were caught in a steel grip. Father didn't say anything, but pulled him out of
the library in a rush and took him to the nearest bedroom and they had a good
several of them around the palace. First Odin kissed him, but soon pushed him
onto the bed and managed to rip off enough of his clothes to have an easier
access to his body. Father was heavy on top of Loki, who felt trapped and
humiliated, but who didn't allow himself to cry. He believed silence, poise and
rationality were his only chances at keeping dignity in that situation. From
Odin’s mouth spilled a litany of praises. He was surprisingly gentle touching
him and Loki hated it, because his body was betraying him and cooperating when
he preferred to feel nothing. He was almost glad when he felt his insides
burning when Odin entered him. Yet, a jolt of pain made him hiss. It caused his
body to have an instant reaction of refusal and panic. He tried to push Odin
off himself, but father didn't stop, only shushed him, kissed his neck and
caressed him gently, and Loki convinced himself to calm down again. The pain
turned to simple, basic, dull pleasure he didn't pay much attention to. When
Odin was finally done and Loki could get up he felt shaky and all his muscles
ached, because of tension he was in the whole time, so he laid back down.
Father looked peaceful, but powerful next to him, like a sleeping bear. Loki
could kill him if he wanted, but the guards would know he did it and his life
would be crossed because of this old man. Loki could feel the seed drying on
his thighs and forced himself to get up.
Odin, dressed and coy, came to him when he was in the bath and apologized. He
didn't state exactly what for and Loki suspected he didn't actually feel sorry
at all and was thankful for the foam on the water. Odin brought expensive
jewelry and left it in his chamber, on his bed. Loki called for a servant to
take it away and ignored the look on the girl servant's face. She didn't know.
It was amazing how even the servant didn't know.
Loki felt like a whore and started to behave like one to match. He provoked
Odin himself when he was around and encouraged him to be more harsh. Loki did
it with Thor as well, and the young prince was surprised by his dirtiness. At
first Thor liked it, but then the connection between them seemed to
deteriorate. They had a fight about it and stopped meeting for months.
During that time Loki realized he conceived. He told Odin only to see the look
on his face. ‘I'm not going to keep it... father’, he said mockingly, drunk on
mead and sitting in his lap. Odin slapped him, but sent for medic to help him
anyway. Loki didn't have any regrets. He would pity a child born from this
unholy union, a bastard in every way, his grandfather his father and his future
husband, if in it's misfortune the poor bastard was pretty. The medic didn't
ask who the father was, but made it clear, in good intention to warn him, that
the rumor of Loki’s misconduct was already spread.
Loki went to Thor that evening to talk. His brother threw accusations at him,
so Loki in frustration first time told him he was used by another man. Thor at
first was stunned, then he comforted him, but then he wanted to know who did
this. It wasn't just sympathy, it was jealousy. When Loki refused to tell he
got angry and Loki left his hot-headed brother alone. He heard from the servant
Thor turned his chamber into ruin and in the evening Thor came to him to
apologize for his anger, empty-handed, but honest. He reminded Loki of his own
father and he almost closed the door in his face, but invited him in instead.
Thor wasn't his father. He already failed many of his expectations, he was
becoming his own person and Loki couldn't pretend he doesn't love him.
The same situation lasted for a few years. Loki slept with both a father and
his son, keeping both twisted relationships in secret, hating one and loving
the other. Getting rid of next two unborn children on the way he couldn't be
sure to which of them belonged. Sometimes he wasn't sure if it even mattered,
since they were the same blood, the same seed. He was growing tired.
One day he and Thor weren't careful enough and a servant caught them. They knew
he’ll tell the king. And Loki knew, that Odin will be insane with rage. It was
easy for the father to pretend he condemns it because they are brothers,
princes, heirs to the throne. But the hatred and jealousy in his eyes was aimed
at Loki. Thor was punished with temporal banishment, allegedly to mature into
being a future king, but Loki was forced to stay. He was never as afraid of
Odin. The little power his beauty and flirting was giving him over the
situation in the bedroom was gone, because Odin couldn't be fooled any more. He
never was as violent as then and it was the first time Loki cried since he was
a little boy.
Over the next years Loki slept with different men as well when he wasn't in
Asgard. Thor didn’t expect him to wait for him, but sometimes he wished he did.
When mother died Loki missed her. He never blamed her, she didn’t know because
he always protected her from knowing. Maybe she suspected something was wrong,
but every time she asked if he’s alright he lied and he lied the best he could,
better than about anything else, hoping she doesn't recognize he let's her see
those other lies on purpose so she wouldn't worry. He was convinced she didn't
deserve to suffer.
Women were never bad to Loki, but men seemed to sense his vulnerability, prayed
on his want of fatherly love. Or sometimes it was Loki himself who made a
weapon out of it to get what he wanted or needed, to survive.
One day Odin died, first acknowledging him as his son and not his war trophy.
In a strange way Loki always loved him, he couldn't get rid of memories of the
good moments, even though he knew how toxic it was and even shed a tear or two
when he was gone. But he cried even harder out of relief.
On Sakaar it was almost too easy to slip into his old, known role with
Grandmaster. It was not a pleasant man, but to Loki he seemed so much more
bearable, enjoyable even. They both knew they wanted things from each other,
but Loki had to admit to himself, that this time it wasn't only about survival.
Grandmaster was a hedonist, and learned, that being a kind lover brings more
satisfaction to all parties involved. Loki didn't fall for him, he didnt even
like him as a person, but was ready to accept the life where sex never brought
him shame. Then he and Thor found each other again and suddenly that life
wasn't as attractive any more. He took a risk.
He wasn't sure if he’ll ever tell Thor about all that happened when they
started their relationship. It was a burden, but he never felt happier, than
when sleeping next to Thor and didn't want to disturb their peace. He wore
clothes he liked, without paying attention to gender, free of his father’s
following eyes. Sometimes he looked almost like Frigga, if she had black hair.
When he got pregnant again his first instinct was to quietly end it, yet he
told Thor. He expected to be slapped, but nothing of this sort happened.
‘You’ll do what feels right. It's your body. I don't have the right to it,
nobody does.’ Loki pondered for several days until he told him he changed his
mind and he’s going to keep it. Thor smiled lazily and gave him a peck. He
waited, until Loki’s pregnancy became visible and didn't have a choice, to
announced Loki, as he’s always been only his adopted brother, as his consort
and that their child will be born. Thor made it clear, that questions are not
accepted.
***
Loki carried the baby to full term and it was a girl, half aesir, half jotun,
now in blood and not only in upbringing like Loki himself. When she was only a
concept, he was generally enthusiastic. Thor was happy. He didn't have any
fears of being a father and it encouraged Loki as well, but when she was born,
Loki got scared. She looked like any other baby, with fair hair and grey eyes,
small, but their medic said she is strong, but mixed blood might affect her in
unpredictable ways. For the first few days he didn't want to look at her, later
refused to pick her up. Being a parent terrified, paralyzed him. He didn't want
to fail her. He knew Thor wouldn't, but he, Loki, he knew things he shouldn't
and feared it would affect their child. Thor was worried, taking care of both
of them, but he didn't understand. He asked Loki what is going on several
times, but never got a straight answer. He finally sat next to Loki in bed and
said, ‘Tell me. Just tell me. Whatever it is. No matter how awful. I need to
know.’
Loki reluctantly, but told him. He told him about their father, about the
previous pregnancies, about the reasons and the lies. When he finished, Thor
was silent and still. Loki wanted to disappear, he was almost sure he destroyed
Thor and their relationship, but Thor spoke. ‘I… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I
didn't protect you. I didn't know you needed protection. All these years…
Loki…’ Thor was devastated. He didn't come see Loki for a few days. When he
came back he looked like a shadow of himself. He sat on the edge of Loki’s bed
and took his hand. He talked in a gentle, small voice. ‘I had to think. I
shouldn't have left you like that. I'm sorry. I just want to say it was never
your job to protect me from this secret. You shouldn't feel bad for telling me.
I wish I was more trustworthy years ago for you to tell me then, but I can only
be grateful. You disenchanted me from under my father’s glamor spell. You were
always right. And I was blind. Hela, she knew what he’s capable of. He made her
the same as he was. That’s why he had such an obsession with keeping me pure.
But it was only two sides of the same coin. He tried to shape me like clay, to
be his golem. Thank you for helping me realize that.’ Thor called for the nanny
to bring the baby and took her in his arms. For a moment he was silent, just
looking at his daughter. ‘I promise you, she will have a better life than all
of us. If one of us ever hurts her, the other one will have the right to kill
him. Alright?’ Loki nodded and for the first time took his baby. ‘She’s so
fragile. And still doesn't have a name…’ ‘Valkyrie took a look into her eyes
and suggested Mist. After one of her fallen sisters.’
Thor was never the same after that. More careful, more considerate, less cocky.
Loki suspected Thor hated Odin more, than he did, and felt guilty, knowing he
sees his father in him every time he looks in the mirror and every time he uses
the knowledge Odin taught him. Loki noticed Odin’s name ceased to be adored and
even used. Everyone treated Loki with respect and kindness. He asked Thor about
it and was reassured he didn't tell anyone anything, that would embarrass him
or raise questions, so he dropped it and allowed to be treated like royalty
once more. Thor was always making sure Loki felt comfortable during sex,
although they never stopped liking it dirty. They never forgot they were raised
as brothers and they liked roleplaying that the most. Loki asked him once for
rape play and their safe word became just simple ‘stop’. Thor liked to be
dominated, after a whole day of ruling to let someone else take control and
Loki happily provided that. Thor called Loki his king and queen, sometimes
sister.
Their daughter was spoiled, but Valkyrie became her self-proclaimed third
parents and brought some healthy discipline into her life, which still didn't
stop her from drinking, but forced to stay sober more often.
Mist asked about her grandfather as a child. It was enough to say he died
before she was born and that he caused her fathers pain. Over the years she
overheard plenty of conversations. People spoke with her around, because she
was allegedly too young to understand, but she inherited her parents'
intellect, so she was smart enough to finally piece together an image of a
terrible man. She never asked about him again, and when she grew up, she knew
her family's history was dark and twisted, but she never had a doubt, that the
future is much brighter.
End Notes
     I really wanted it to have a happy ending here, so there it was. If
     it feels too sacharine, then I don't know what to say to that. They
     deserved some happiness in the end and imagine how bittersweet it was
     anyway.
     Edit: People say it's ok. I suspected that, but I'm awfully self-
     concious. Thank you :)
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