Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/32773.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Fall_Out_Boy
  Relationship:
      Patrick_Stump/Pete_Wentz/Joe_Trohman/Andy_Hurley
  Character:
      Patrick_Stump, Pete_Wentz, Joe_Trohman, Andy_Hurley
  Additional Tags:
      Group_Sex
  Stats:
      Published: 2009-12-20 Words: 1661
****** The Fall Out Boy Guide to Seducing Your Band ******
by J_(j_writes)
Summary
     Step one: Look sweet and innocent. No one will ever suspect you.
Notes
     Written for Etben.
Step one: Look sweet and innocent. No one will ever suspect you.
Argyle sweaters: check.
Big dorky glasses: check.
Kneesocks: check.
Oversized trucker hats: check.
Being underage: unfortunately, check.
A Pete to attract all the attention: check.
 
Step two: Start with your guitarist. He's the least likely to be awkward around
you if things don't work out.
The thing was, Patrick really hadn't planned on kissing Joe. Or, rather, he had
planned on it, but the plan had looked a whole lot different from this.
This was the two of them, crushed up together in the press of people at some
overcrowded bar, already done with their set and already with a few more beers
in them than either had really intended. Pete had disappeared somewhere with
some girl with hair that matched his, and Andy had found about seventeen people
he knew here, so he was off holding court in the opposite corner. Which left
Patrick and Joe, huddled together and feeling more than a little out of place.
Really, kissing Joe was kind of like a defense mechanism. It made them stick
out a little less.
"Hey, man, I, um," Joe said articulately when Patrick pulled away, and Patrick
could feel his face heating up. He ducked his head, hiding under the brim of
his hat, and didn't look Joe in the eye.
"Sorry," he said to his shoes.
He could see just enough of Joe's mouth to notice when it twisted into a frown.
"Oh," he said, sounding disappointed. "You are?"
Patrick peeked back up at him. "Not really?" he ventured.
Joe grinned. "Oh," he said. "Good." His hand was big and warm and solid when it
landed against Patrick's back, pulling him in so Joe could settle his lips over
Patrick's again. When he pulled back, he was still grinning. "Because you're
really good at that. I'd hate to think it was a one time thing."
Patrick grinned back, and made it a three-time thing. Then he stopped counting.
 
Step three: Take advantage of your bandmates' principles. They don't have many
of them.
Patrick draped his arm around Andy's waist, pressing up against his side. "Hi,"
he said. "It's my birthday."
Andy smiled at him. "Yeah," he agreed. "I'd noticed. It looks like you're
having a good time."
Patrick nodded against Andy's shoulder. "Pete throws some pretty awesome
parties." He tipped a little, leaning more heavily against Andy. "Sorry," he
said, straightening back up. "Pete buys some pretty awesome alcohol too."
Andy laughed. "Yeah, so I hear," he agreed.
"So, you haven't given me a present," Patrick reminded him, pulling away a
little and looking at Andy reproachfully.
Andy waved at Pete's hall table, where a stack of gifts was leaning
precariously. "It's over there. You can go dig around for it, if you want."
Patrick smirked. "That's not what I meant," he said. He leaned in, very close
to Andy's ear, and whispered "I'm 18, you know. Your rules no longer apply."
Then he went off in search of another drink.
When Andy found him again, he was curled up in a corner of the couch with Pete
in his lap, laughing at some story Nick was telling. "I need Patrick," he told
them, reaching around Pete to drag Patrick up off the couch.
Pete clung to Patrick's arm. "You can't have him," he said. "He's mine."
"I'll return him to you unharmed," Andy promised. "I just…I have to talk to him
for a minute, ok?"
"But Patrick wants to stay here," Pete said, looking imploringly at Patrick.
Patrick was looking at Andy, a faint blush creeping across his cheeks. "No," he
said, shaking Pete off. "He really, really doesn't." He noticed Pete's hurt
expression, and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. "But hey, it's just for a
minute, ok? I'll come back. I won't abandon the guy who's throwing me this
awesome party." Pete seemed to accept that, because he returned to the couch,
but Andy could see him casting them suspicious glances as he steered Patrick
out of the room and down the hall to the guest bedroom.
"Hi," Patrick said when Andy closed the door behind them.
"Hi," Andy said. "What?"
Patrick ducked his head, scuffing his sneakers into the carpet. "Look, it's not
a big deal, ok? I just…I knew you wouldn't kiss anyone underage, and I
respected that and all, but now I'm not, so I thought…" he shrugged. "If you
don't want to, it's fine."
Andy looked at Patrick's lips for a second and considered telling him that
someone would have to be out of their mind to not want to kiss him. Instead, he
said, "but I thought…Joe?"
Patrick blinked. "You know about that?" Andy didn't dignify that with a
response. He was in a band with them. Of course he knew. "I mean…look, it's. I
like Joe. I like hooking up with Joe. It's fun, it's not complicated, and it
doesn't mean I can't hook up with you." He blushed deeper. "I mean. Or kiss
you. Or…whatever. Actually, he's probably just going to be jealous that I
turned 18 and got to you first." He paused. "And I'm going to stop talking now.
Can you either, you know, kiss me or let me go flee the room in shame?"
Making someone flee in shame on their birthday seemed like kind of a mean thing
to do, so Andy kissed him instead. He was, after all, a very good friend.
 
Step four: Initiate threesomes. Or, alternately, allow others to do it for you.
Joe was indeed pretty jealous that Patrick got to hook up with Andy for a whole
five months before he could, so by the time his birthday came around, Patrick
was almost not surprised at all to walk into his hotel room and find Joe and
Andy making out on his bed.
 
Step five: Wait. Inevitably, the fourth person will come around on his own.
Especially when the person in question is Pete Wentz.
Pete always managed to knock on the door at the most inopportune times, looking
for Patrick for some not-very-important reason or another. This time was no
exception.
Andy was leaning back against Patrick's lap, head tipped back to kiss him while
Joe knelt between his legs, lips wrapped around Andy's cock. Patrick had his
eyes open as he kissed Andy, watching Joe, feeling the way that Andy arched and
twisted against him. He was the only one who heard the knock, and he considered
ignoring it, but really, Pete would just get more obnoxious if they left him on
his own. Patrick sighed, breaking off his kiss with Andy and squirming out from
under him. He made shushing noises at them both, pulled his pants and t-shirt
back on, and crossed the room to open the door a tiny crack.
Pete pushed it wide open and shoved past Patrick into the room.
On the bed, Andy and Joe froze, Joe still with his mouth around Andy's cock.
"I want in," Pete told them.
Andy and Joe boggled.
"Look, this has been going on long enough, ok?" he said. "Patrick, I let you
and Joe have your little thing because, you know. You were kids, and you were
just screwing around, and whatever. And then Andy…well, I let you and Patrick
do what you were doing because, hell, Patrick's hot, and I know you're good in
bed, so," he shrugged. "I'm not above fantasizing about my friends together, is
what I'm saying. But a guy's got to draw the line somewhere. And when your
whole band is having sex without you…I'd say that's a pretty good place to draw
it. So, you know. You guys can just…" he waved at Andy and Joe, "you can keep
doing what you're doing, since…well, it looks like you're enjoying it. I'll be
over here, undressing our singer." At that, his hands found the bottom of
Patrick's shirt, and tugged on it until Patrick lifted his arms, letting him
pull it off a little dazedly.
"Pete," he said, but Pete shut him up by kissing him, sucking his lower lip
into his mouth and making his breath catch a little.
"If you don't want me here," he said against Patrick's mouth when he pulled
back, "tell me and I'll leave."
"I want you here!" Joe offered from the bed. Andy rolled his eyes and guided
Joe back down to his cock.
Patrick kissed him in answer, his hands sliding up under Pete's shirt, feeling
the warmth of his skin as he stripped his clothes off of him and knelt down,
licking across the head of Pete's cock. He pushed Pete backwards until he was
sitting against the edge of the bed, leaning back so he was just barely
touching Andy's leg, then crawled forward to wrap his mouth around Pete.
"Fuck," Pete whispered, touching the corner of Patrick's mouth, but then he was
pushing Patrick back. Patrick let out a little disappointed sound, and Pete
traced his fingers over Patrick's lips, letting Patrick suck on them for a
moment. "You never asked," he said, sounding utterly lost. "You never said."
"No," Patrick agreed, kissing his fingers.
"Why?"
"Because." Patrick leaned back on his heels, looking at Andy and Joe on the
bed, Andy with his head thrown back, Joe making tiny noises around his cock
while Pete leaned back against both of them. "I wanted this. And you'd be the
easiest to convince. You had to be last." He leaned back in and took Pete's
cock into his mouth again, and this time, Pete let him.
"I never needed convincing," Pete told him, and when Patrick looked up again,
Andy's fingers were digging into Pete's hip as he came.
"Exactly," Patrick whispered, and swallowed around Pete's cock.
 
Step six: Blame the whole thing on Pete.
This, actually, is less a rule, and more a way of life.
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