Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/13739484. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Underage Category: M/M Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア_|_Boku_no_Hero_Academia_|_My_Hero_Academia Relationship: Iida_Tensei_|_Ingenium/Iida_Tenya Character: Iida_Tensei_|_Ingenium, Iida_Tenya Additional Tags: Roman_Catholicism, Catholic_Guilt, Catholic_Imagery, Masturbation, Sharing_a_Bed, Pining, Sibling_Incest, Somnophilia, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, Oral_Fixation Stats: Published: 2018-02-25 Words: 3008 ****** The Deer's Cry ****** by MrsArataka Summary "He'd taken advantage of Earthly pleasures as a younger man. Younger than Tenya was now, he'd found happiness in partners, but even before that time he felt destined for the Church. This depraved feeling he carried for his brother nipped at Tensei's ankles when Tenya was young, but worsened as the boy entered puberty and grew into a strong, caring young man with a heart bigger than his smile that cracked Tensei's carefully-constructed veneer of a subservient man of God. Even now, the cracks spread in tendrils over Tensei's body. But if he left this feeling, he'd shatter." Tensei is a respected Catholic priest, but harbors a dark secret. (Catholic AU) Notes This was a fic written for my friend Nat! I've never written sibling incest, or a Catholic AU, so it was a bit of a challenge. I'm also not Catholic, so I tried to do my research and hopefully not butcher the finer points of the religion. Hope you enjoy! See the end of the work for more notes Christ be with me, Christ within me… Christ behind me, Christ before me… Tensei was a man of faith. When he’d entered the clergy, he was unknowingly starting a family tradition. They had great pride in him, an example to strive towards. His other brothers, after finishing school, became men of faith as well, though they were sent to churches elsewhere in the world to serve God and their communities. After over a decade of service, he’d become a respected member of the clergy, favored by the congregation. Tensei found no bigger fan in the congregation than his own younger brother, Tenya. A student at the parochial school attached to his parish, every day after classes Tenya rushed to the chapel, following close at Tensei’s heels while he performed his priestly daily obligations. Tenya had always been mature for his age, and was far more studious than Tensei had been as a teenager, and for that he found his brother amusing. Christ beside me, Christ to win me… And that was the dilemma. Tensei spent many years in the church running from a feeling he could never place. It was easy for him to chalk it up to the confusion of youth as a younger man, misplaced emotions from someone coming to terms with rejecting worldly pleasures for the eternal paradise of God’s love. The church found him - or, he found the church - and provided an outlet. The cloister gave relief, structure, distraction, purpose. Despite Tensei’s confusion, there existed no certainty more poignant than that of God’s love. Tensei shared everything with his trusted peers and seniors, except this one dark secret. He knew God loved His children, no matter the sin. Still, no amount of prayer would bury this feeling. He found small ways to push them aside, burying them in his work and good deeds, to ignore them for the moment. But always, the sin found ways to creep in. Christ to comfort and restore me… Tensei loved his brother. And he would never want to hurt him. That was why he’d locked himself away, so he couldn't. Christ beneath me, Christ above me… Tensei was a man of faith. And the shame crept through him, every day. It made Communion especially difficult. At each Mass, Tensei took charge of delivering the Holy Eucharist to the congregation. Communion, by nature, is intimate - a binding of mortal souls to the eternity of Jesus and of God, and the act of placing the consecrated Host on the tongue of a member of His flock expressed that bond. Christ in quiet, Christ in danger… A good Christian and dutiful Catholic, Tenya attended Mass as often as possible, but always had a special fondness for the bonding act of taking Communion. Today, tasked with the role of delivering the Body of Christ, Tensei felt a familiar ache of shame and anxiety as he spotted his brother line up with the rest of the congregation to receive the Eucharist. Palms clammy and hands shaking, the feeling would pulse through Tensei's veins and into his every limb. The guilt seeped through him, steeped into the loaf of bread from which he offered the Body of Christ, imbuing it with trepidation. Tenya, beaming with pride for his oldest brother who he admired so dearly, knelt in front of him, and in that moment Tenya realized how much his brother had grown. The men in their family were always tall, broad, the majority of them (Tensei included) spent their free time exercising and keeping their bodies in peak physical form. Tenya was no exception - but like everything in his younger brother’s life, he regimented his life and exercise routine carefully, and at only 14 had more muscle than Tensei ever did at his age, perhaps more than he did even now. He radiated light, warmth, he was beautiful inside and out. Tensei loved his brother. Tenya smiled with pride at his brother as he knelt in front of him. He looked up at Tensei with absolute trust. Between them was the bond of brothers, second only to another bond - the bond of man to the Lord. Christ in hearts of all that love me… Tensei tore a piece from the bread loaf, drawing in a steadying breath. He knew it would make him weak. “Body of Christ,” he said, his tone soft, soothing. Difficult. “Amen,” Tenya responded. And he opened his mouth. Tensei reached down, and placed the small chunk of bread in his brother’s mouth, accidentally grazing his soft lips and hot tongue. The breath Tenya released, with his brother’s finger still just barely in his mouth, made a jolt of electricity run through his veins. Christ in mouth of friend and stranger. And through the rest of the act of Communion, as ritual as the act of the giving of the consecrated Host, Tensei would internally recite prayers for forgiveness, prayers of devotion, willing himself to maintain composure. He felt the cold sweat all over his body, soaking through his habit. Still, he smiled warmly and bowed his head and made signs of the cross with his unsteady hands. A decade ago, Tensei made a vow of devotion to serve the Lord. Though he aspired to spread His word on Earth, he couldn’t shake this thing that defined him, anchored him to mankind's sinfulness. In his darkest of times, Tensei wondered why he stayed with the parish despite himself. Could he not rebuke his faith, become a layperson again, leave the city altogether? What tied him here, equally binding him and keeping him running from himself? One look at Tenya, one smile, one hug from the person who trusted him most, and he felt the ties shackle him to his robes, collars, rosaries. He spent many nights kneeling at the pulpit, making an extra prayer to the rosary, begging for the feeling to pass. ===============================================================================   It wasn't unusual for Tenya to sleep in Tensei's room in the priest's cloister. Curfew, for both the cloister and the church's parochial school, was promptly at midnight, and demanded all religious officials and students should be accounted for and in their rooms. For some students, namely those with family living on-site, there were exceptions. Tenya was a respected student - top of his class, and president of the middle school's student government, often tasked with leading religious discussions held in the dormitories on their days off. The nuns who taught classes and supervised the dorms liked him, and trusted him not to get into trouble. So on the nights that Tenya went from Mass to his big brother's room in the cloister to talk late into the night, no one thought much of it. And why would they? There were no picture-perfect siblings like the Iidas. Following in his respected older brother's footsteps, Tenya knew his destiny was to one day become a man of the cloth. With that considered, it was only right that he spent much of his free time at his pious brother's side. He was a good priest, Tensei told himself. Why else would his brother love him so much, if not for that? Laying back-to-back in the small bed, their limbs brushed awkwardly as Tenya, fast asleep despite the raging storm outside, stirred only occasionally. Steady and soft, his breaths sounded like waves, crashing on Tensei's ears. He'd always been a heavy sleeper, ever since he was small. Tensei knew that Tenya's dreams, if he had any, would be peaceful. His eyes wide open, Tensei stared at the wall of his room, trying and failing to will himself to sleep. Swarms of butterflies rose within himself with each touch, and each time Tensei squeezed his eyes shut to squash them. Tonight, he ached, the feeling especially strong. Hell's flames already licked at his loins. As long as Tensei tried to be a good man, he would be a good man. At least that was the lie he told himself. Tensei rolled over, the entire right side of his body pressed into Tenya. His brother was warm - so warm - but unlike the damnable inferno that trickled from his heart to the rest of his body, his brother felt like sunshine. In truth, Tenya embodied sunshine, his smile always effusive, his skin glowed like- His skin... Tensei turned and looked at the back of Tenya's head. He saw the nape of his neck, the skin between his hairline and collar smooth and milky, and dread overtook him. Pulled by a dark force, he reached his hand out to touch the spot visible above the collar of his nightshirt, but hesitated. His fingers, shaking and clammy, barely brushed the skin. If he touched his skin - if he touched more - Tensei didn't know if he'd be able to stop himself. But he was so close he... he couldn't help it now... Tensei would never do anything to hurt his brother. But... it was just a gentle touch... He reached out again, and gently touched that bit of barely-visible skin, pressing the pads of his fingers against it. Tensei let his hand slide, and gripped Tenya's neck gently, his palms soaking in the heat that came off his soundly-sleeping brother's skin. He felt like springtime. A shaking breath escaped Tensei's lips, and he felt it on the back of his hand. An all-too familiar painful heat coursed through him, growing stronger, and Lucifer's laughter rung in his ears with each passing moment... A crack of thunder and lightning that illuminated the room offered Tensei a moment of clarity, and he removed every inch of skin that touched Tenya. His heartbeat pounded in his ears as he gasped for air, taking in some steady breaths to calm his nerves. It worked, but by the time his heart rate steadied Tensei was drenched in cold sweat. He lay there a moment looking at Tenya, wide-eyed, unsure of what to do. And he had a thought. Just once, Tensei thought.Just once, and I can spend the rest of my days on Earth in penitence and chastity. If I break my vows just for the moment, I can release this sin. If I don't wake Tenya - if he never finds out what I've done, lying next to him as we always have - I won't hurt him. It was the Devil's reasoning, and Tensei knew that. But it rang clear in his mind. Under the covers, Tensei reached out and felt for his brother's back, and found that his shirt had ridden up in his sleep, exposing a bit of his back. Carefully and without touching his brother, he put his hand into the space formed by the shirt lifting from his body, then gently placed his fingers on Tenya's skin, tracing the line of his spine to the small of his back. Tensei's breath shuddered, but he did not stop. He couldn't, not now. Tensei preached on the gruesomeness that awaited sinners in the Lake of Fire. But he could imagine no burn to be worse than the way he burned for Tenya. Tensei brought a hand up to his own chest, and felt his heart pounding through his nightshirt. He clutched the fabric, tugged, found himself panting with his hand gently placed on his brother's skin. He'd taken advantage of Earthly pleasures as a younger man. Younger than Tenya was now, he'd found happiness in partners, but even before that time he felt destined for the Church. This depraved feeling he carried for his brother nipped at Tensei's ankles when Tenya was young, but worsened as the boy entered puberty and grew into a strong, caring young man with a heart bigger than his smile that cracked Tensei's carefully-constructed veneer of a subservient man of God. Even now, the cracks spread in tendrils over Tensei's body. But if he left this feeling, he'd shatter. Unable to ignore it any longer, Tensei reached into his own shirt, trailing the skin dotted with goosebumps down to his navel, pelvis, brushing his waistband, trembling. Touching his own skin like this felt electric; he'd pushed this feeling deep, deep inside for so long, but now his body pulsed with anticipation. He'd denied himself for more than a decade - God, a decade - and even now guilt cloaked him in a leaden sheet, But the soft caress of his own hands sent shivers down his spine. If Tensei acted on his impulse now he'd cave, and there would be no turning back. But after coming so close to the edge… it felt so close… His hand reached down and cupped his groin, feeling the erection throb beneath him. With the touch, Tensei let out a surprised groan, and stifled it by biting the inside of his lip. Now, this close to falling to temptation, after the years of stubborn repression, he felt his pants already soaked from the precum dribbling out like a faucet. He sighed, trying harder now to stifle his own moans, rolling his face into the pillow to muffle the sound, aided by the downpour outside and continuous rolling thunder reverberating against the thick stone walls of the cloister. With one hand touching himself, the hand still on the small of Tenya's back shook. Tensei would have been more surprised at Tenya sleeping through the storm, but he'd slept through worse storms than this, even earthquakes on more than one occasion. Tensei just thanked God that he didn't - No... It wasn't God that he ought to thank for this moment. Trailing a hand from the small of Tenya's back to the slight bend of his hip, Tensei made sure not to make much noise as he continued to press his other hand between his legs. He heard his blood pumping it in his ears, the drumbeat leading him to Hell. And at this point he could do little else but follow. Tensei reached a hand below his waistband, and drew in a sharp breath. He stifled the ragged sigh with a moan in his pillow, and touched the skin, already slick with his own shameful arousal. He hadn't touched himself in this way since taking his solemn vow. Through this commitment to God, Tensei was able to grow closer to the Heavenly Father, to be His representative on Earth. Mankind, he knew, had been made in His image. By all accounts, Tensei no longer needed Earthly pleasures; he found love and salvation in the Lord. Through chastity, his bond to God was strengthened. To act on this feeling was to reject His teachings and his own position as a man of the cloth, to turn away from God. But as he wrapped a shaking, clammy hand around himself, and squeezed genty, Tensei felt the presence of God more strongly than he ever had before. In Tenya's soft skin, Tensei found God. Tensei’s whole body tensed, trembling as he took note of the way his fingers felt around his cock. Had it really been a decade since he'd debased himself in this way? Had he even considered doing this before this night?...Did Tenya ever touch himself in this way? The thought made him twitch with arousal. Yes, of course his brother had touched himself before, Tensei thought. Tenya had dreams of becoming a priest one day, but for now he was still a young man. Tensei remembered being the age Tenya was now, those late nights before he'd entered the cloister, bringing himself to release in those days before he'd suppressed desires with a collar and habit. Surely Tenya had the same kinds of desires and took advantage of them while he could. Tensei's hand moved on its own, the dragging of palm against skin filling him with electricity as he pumped slowly felt alien, while the other hand still sat on Tenya's hip. The storm continued outside while he touched his skin, fire coursing through his veins. His breaths grew louder and harder, legs seized up, toes arched, tangled into the sheets as he lost himself to the feeling. Tenya was right here, but even still Tensei's mind drifted to other thoughts of his sweet youngest brother. He recalled Communion, Tenya's wet tongue against his fingers, vividly imagined his mouth taking his cock into the inviting warmth and dampness. He felt the hot breath on his skin again, felt it all over, devouring him, prickling his skin, making him feel alive, human. Tensei's eyes rolled back into his head as his orgasm burst forth, overwhelming his senses. His body crumpling with the force, Tensei's head pressed between Tenya's shoulder blades, making no effort now to stifle his moans or pitiful whimpering. As the hot liquid emptied into his open palm, every ounce of tension left Tensei's body. And as quickly as his tension left, the guilt replaced it. Tensei looked down and saw the milky-white evidence of his sin in the palm of his hand, all over his sheets - even on Tenya's exposed skin. Was his moment of pleasure worth this shame? And Tensei had never needed God more than he did now. Rushing out of bed, Tensei quickly donned his robes and ripped the rosary off of his bedpost before bolting out the door. It was a good thing Tenya was hard to stir from sleep - Tensei had lost the will to prevent himself from making noise, and made no signs of waking up despite the commotion. In the torrential rain, Tensei rushed from the cloister to the chapel, and threw the doors open. Stumbling inside as he heaved sobs, Tensei trailed mud down the aisle as he rushed to the pulpit to collapse in front of the statue of Mary. Hot tears rolled down his cheeks as he beheld her expressionless stone face. From his pocket he drew the rosary, and clutched the crucifix tight in his palm, the face of the Lord digging into his flesh. “I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth, and in Jesus Christ, his only son…“ Reciting the rosary, his voice shaking, he knew God would not listen to him. End Notes For more info follow me @arataka_tsuma on Twitter! Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!