Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/579920.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural_RPF
  Relationship:
      Jensen_Ackles/Jared_Padalecki, Christian_Kane/Sandra_McCoy
  Character:
      Jared_Padalecki, Jensen_Ackles, Christian_Kane, Sandra_McCoy, Chad
      Michael_Murray, Danneel_Harris
  Additional Tags:
      Mpreg, Homophobia
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-12-02 Chapters: 5/5 Words: 31463
****** The Circle of Us ******
by anyothergirl415
Summary
     Jared and Jensen have been friends since Kindergarten and Jensen fell
     for Jared without meaning too. But coming together, sharing
     everything for the first time, is the least of the challenges waiting
     for them in the not too distant future.
***** Chapter 1 *****
-Jared-
There were quite a few gifts Jared received for his seventeenth birthday that
fit into the category of epically awesome. Not the least of which being the
used Ford Escape his mom had surprised him with; that could definitely fit all
of his friends as long as they never told their parents someone had to ride in
back without a seat belt. Or if they didn't mind squishing.
Danneel got him a summer pass to Water World - which meant all the water slides
Jared could handle - Sandy got him the new fun. CD - which meant bad singing in
his new car and it couldn't get much better than that. Chris had been
practically beaming as he presented Jared with a starter car kit full of tools
and jumper cables and a bunch of other shit Jared didn't know about - which
obviously meant he was one of the only people who didn't know he was finally
getting a car for his birthday.
All he got from Chad was a couple of candy bars and toothbrush but well, Jared
had honestly been surprised to receive anything from the blond so he'd thanked
him with a bright grin.
But the best gift - better than the car, the promise of a million trips to the
best water park ever, or even really bad singing to too loud music - was the
one from his best friend. Jensen had been twitchy and unsure as he offered the
package, a nervous smile on his lips - the kind that always made Jared's own
smile grow because his best friend was kind of ridiculous. There was no way
Jared wouldn't absolutely love anything Jensen got him.
This particular something was so much more than anything Jared could have
thought up. It was a scrapbook, the front decorated in a collection of items
that would mean something only to them. A torn page from a coloring book - from
Kindergarten, that first day when Jensen had shared his Spiderman book - a
movie stub - from the first PG-13 film they'd snuck in to see together - candy
wrappers that spelled out a bright J and handwritten notes and napkins covered
in tic-tac-toe games. Something had been sealed over the items, keeping them in
place and safe on the cover of the album and Jared's eyes pinched with tears at
the swell of emotion.
"Jen..."
"You haven't even opened it yet," Jensen laughed softly and inched a little
closer, reaching out to trace the edge of the mahogany book.
Jared wasn't sure he wanted to look at the rest of the book with all his
friends and his mother watching curiously. But Jensen was so eager, his bright
green eyes shining with excitement, so he slowly lifted the cover. The
scrapbook pages were chronologically ordered, starting with pictures from their
childhood, arms thrown around each other, matching shining grins and Ninja
Turtle backpacks. There were pictures from their classrooms - one with Sandy,
paint smeared on her cheeks; one with Christian in a Peter Pan costume and a
deep scowl; another with Danneel and Chad pulling each other's hair.
It was quiet in the living room - probably quieter than it had ever been when
all his friends were over - but Jared couldn't tear his eyes from the pictures
covering each page he turned. Jensen had always had an artistic eye and the
scrapbook clearly reflected that, photos bordered by drawings, stickers, angled
in just the right way.
By the time Jared made it to their middle school years there were tears
streaming down his cheeks. But the best kind of tears, full of warmth and
happiness, and Jared traced a picture of them all dressed up for their first
Spring Fling - the one where they'd gone as a group with matching flowers and
everything - with a choked laugh.
The last page in the book was covered in photos from just a few weeks before,
the Fourth of July, and Jared couldn't stop staring at the image of Jensen
looking his way, eyes warm and crinkled at the edges. Something about that
particular picture stirred the strangest sensation in his chest but he shrugged
it off. The entire book was emotional; it was probably that.
"God, Jen, this is so amazing." Jared flipped to the next page, which was
blank, and beamed brightly up at his best friend. "It's not finished?"
"Well, we still have one more year of high school. Pretty sure we'll fill up
those last pages by the time it's over." Jensen's smile was the same one in
that picture from the Fourth of July and Jared leaned forward to hug the boy
before he could question it any further.
"Thank you so much," Jared whispered against the boy's ear and squeezed him
tight.
As far as birthdays went, Jared was pretty sure this one was the absolute best.
-Jensen-
"That was such a sweet gift Jensen; it must have taken a really long time."
A smile twitched at Jensen's lips as he lifted his shoulder in a shrug, tossing
a stack of paper plates into the trash. His eyes drifted to the back door,
where he could see Jared tackling Chad into the grass, then back to Mama. "Not
too long. I mean, tracking down all the pictures was kind of hard. Thanks for
those by the way."
"Lord knows I've been meaning to organize them for years. And you did a better
job than I ever could have." Mama stepped forward, pulling Jensen into a tight
hug. "You know I'm here for you, if you ever need to talk."
Jensen had first met Sharon Padalecki his second day of Kindergarten, the same
day he met Jared Padalecki. She had a bright grin with dimples just like her
son and brown curly hair and Jensen could still remember the way she'd shaken
his hand with a Hello Jensen, nice to meet you and smelled just like the pink
flowers in the park by his house.
It wasn't long after that, that Jensen glued himself to Jared's side and Sharon
Padalecki simply became Mama. Jensen called his own mother, Mom, so it wasn't
all that hard to give into the name. And it wasn't all that hard now, to know
she understood something that he'd never voiced aloud. Never thought he could.
Swallowing thickly, Jensen pulled back and looked up at Mama - just an inch or
so, he was definitely growing - barely a hint of a smile on his lips. "Talk
about what?"
"Oh, I don't know. The weather." Mama pressed a kiss to his temple and nudged
him back. "Will you go stop those boys before they damage one another?"
Jensen laughed and decided to ignore whatever it was Mama was hinting at. He
knew what it was, actually, and he wasn't entirely sure how she'd figured it
out, but Jared's birthday party was not the time to talk about it.
So he did as she asked, shoving the back door open and shaking his head
roughly. "Chad! Don't kill Jared before he has a chance to take us out in his
sweet new ride."
There was a wicked sort of gleam to Chad and Jared's gazes as the boys stopped
wrestling and turned to face him. Jensen could feel that little burst of heat
that he'd learned to associate with Jared a little too often as of late. His
palms began to sweat as he took a step back and roughly shook his head.
"No. No way. Don't even. I am warning you guys." Jensen barely managed to
swallow the squeak rising up in his throat a beat later when Jared's arms
locked hard around his waist, lifting him swiftly off the ground in a quick
spin.
Jensen's stomach flipped and twisted in knots he'd rather not think too much
about as Jared's hands framed his form and held him close. Sometimes, the way
Jared made his heart race, it kind of hurt.
He'd never forget the first time he felt... this.
It was nearly a year ago, exactly. The day before Jared's sixteenth birthday,
and Jensen had stayed the night the way he had a million times in the past. It
was such a common occurrence they were completely comfortable with each other,
even sharing the large King sized bed Mama had needed to purchase when Jared
hit three growth spurts, one right after another.
Nothing about that particular night had seemed unusual and maybe it would have
stayed that way, maybe Jared would have stayed just his best friend and life
would have gone on like normal. But there had been some chocolate smeared on
the edge of his lip from the cookies Mama had baked and Jensen hadn't known.
Not until Jensen trailed him into the bedroom and his best friend turned with a
laugh, reaching out to wipe the chocolate away.
And, for whatever the reason, that one little moment changed absolutely
everything. It wasn't as if Jared hadn't taken care of him before - God, this
wasn't even that big of a deal - but for some reason Jensen's heart and mind
and dick chose that moment to react. All at once, the blood rushed from his
ears and down to his crotch. His heart sped up and his cheeks flushed as he
watched Jared lick the chocolate from his thumb.
Jared turned away then, carrying on with life as usual, and Jensen... fell.
Pretty damn hard.
"Let me guess, thinking about getting a head start on your school reading?"
Jared asked with a laugh, setting Jensen down and stumbling back, dizzy from
the quick spin.
Schoolwork was the absolute last thing Jensen was thinking about but he wasn't
going to tell Jared that. Instead, he gave his best friend a sheepish smile and
he lifted his shoulders in an innocent shrug. "Something like that."
Jensen laughed and turned away, chasing after Chad again, and Jensen rode out
the little flutter in his chest. Being in love with his best friend wasn't all
that bad; at least Jensen got to have the boy in his own special way. Even if
it wasn't entirely the way he wanted.
-Jared-
It sucked that summer was pretty much over. Or would be, in less than twelve
hours when they were stepping into Wilson West High once more.
There was nothing better than the long stretch of endless days, especially
since his birthday and the addition of a vehicle and the Water World pass that
they'd used nearly every single day. Jared was pretty sure his ears were
permanently waterlogged, but he wouldn't trade a single fucking moment of it.
"Man, this was the best summer ever," Jared sighed wistfully, flopping over on
his bed, letting his arm drop over Jensen's chest. "Seriously. Nothing will
ever top this summer."
"I'm pretty sure you said that at the end of last summer," Jensen laughed and
pushed his arm away, rolling onto his side to face Jared and peering at him
through the darkness. "Next summer we'll be celebrating no more high school,
you'll turn eighteen, pretty sure all of that is going to be way more epic than
Water World."
"Maybe..." Jared mumbled, rolling to face Jensen and inching just a little
closer. "Maybe we'll have girlfriends. That'd be pretty awesome."
Silence lingered between them, the kind that didn't happen very often - if
ever. He could categorize all of their silences - the intense ones, during epic
video game marathons, and the comfortable ones, when they'd used up all their
words for the day - and this wasn't one of those. This was... something else.
Jared pulled back a little, frowning down at Jensen. There was something he
didn't know and when it came to Jensen? That never happened.
"You don't..." Jared rolled his lower lip beneath his teeth, looking away then
back. "You would tell me, wouldn't you, if you had a girlfriend? You wouldn't
keep something like that secret."
"Jared, don't be an idiot." Jensen huffed a laugh - it didn't sound all that
real and Jared's brows drew together - and fell onto his back, eyes closing
slowly. "There is no girlfriend."
"Then what is it?" Jared inched closer once more and leaned into Jensen's side,
working up the puppy dog eyes that always got him his way. Jensen called them
lethal and Jared could tell by the way his best friend was purposefully looking
away that whatever he wasn't saying had to be pretty big.
It made Jared nervous, knowing Jensen had a secret from him, and he couldn't
even say why.
"Come on Jen. You gotta tell me. I'll never be able to sleep. Come on. Come on.
Please?" Jared nuzzled against Jensen's shoulder, tickling the boy's side a
moment later. When all else failed - including the killer puppy dog eyes -
always go for the tickling.
Jensen squirmed and huffed and tried not to laugh - Jared could tell by the way
he kept making those funny little squeaks. "Damn it Jared, fucking knock it
off. I will shave your hair off!"
"You would never, you love my hair." Jared sighed and dropped back, pouting at
his best friend. "Or maybe you don't love me at all anymore. We don't keep
secrets from each other."
"I don't want a girlfriend," Jensen spat with a little more force than Jared
expected.
Sure, he'd been laying it on a little thick but Jensen didn't have to get all
testy with him. And then, Jensen's words sank in, and Jared slowly blinked his
eyes open and sat up. There were a lot of things that could be meant by those
words but there was nothing he knew like he knew Jensen and to Jared, the
implication was obvious. "You, um... okay. So... when did you figure this out?
I mean, that you're, you know."
"Gay?" Jensen whispered, pulling his legs up to his chest and tugging them in
close. When he spoke again his head was tucked between his knees, the words
barely loud enough for Jared to hear. "Been a while, I guess."
"A while? Jesus, Jen, why didn't you say anything?" For some reason, knowing
Jensen kept such a huge secret from him made Jared's blood boil. He slid off
the edge of the bed and paced across his room, remembering just in time not to
make too much noise. The last thing he needed was Mama lecturing them about
getting a good night's sleep before their first day back. "This is not the type
of thing you keep from your fucking best friend."
"I was scared you'd freak out."
Jared stopped pacing and spun to Jensen, eyes wide. "Seriously? Why the hell
would you think I'd do that?"
"Uh, maybe because that's exactly what you're doing right now." Jensen finally
stopped whispering, pushing off the bed to stand as well and reaching out
quickly for his shirt. "I think I'm just gonna go home."
"Wait, Jen, come on. I just... you surprised me is all. I had no idea. Not a
fucking clue that you were into guys." Jared's frown deepened when Jensen
stopped and looked up, a flash of hurt crossing his face and disappearing so
quick he thought he had to be seeing things. "Jensen... you know I would never
judge you about something like that. I love you; you're like the most important
person in my life. Being gay totally doesn't change that."
Jensen considered him for a very long and silent minute and Jared felt his gut
swirling unpleasantly. How could Jensen even doubt Jared's words, after so many
years of friendship? Jensen was like his brother, only more than that,
something Jared could never even name.
"Please Jensen, I swear I didn't mean to freak out, you've gotta believe me."
Jared lifted his arms, hands raised out like whenever he tried to approach
Chris' mutt dog that was the most skittish thing Jared had ever seen.
Then - and finally - a slow smile stretched across Jensen's lips and he
laughed, head tipping back with his forward sway. "Oh, my God."
Dude, you suck." Jared dropped his hands and pouted, rubbing his sweaty palms
over his thighs. Jensen had really freaked him out, made him think he'd really
fucked things up by being completely shocked over his best friend's
preferences.
Okay, not completely shocked, but Jared couldn't really think about that right
now.
"Just, your face," Jensen snorted a laugh and fell back onto the bed, laying
fingers over his eyes. "You were totally losing it. I should have made you feel
guiltier; maybe I could have gotten something out of it."
"I hate you." Jared fell down beside Jensen on the bed, a little exhausted now
that the relief was washing through him. Jensen snorted a laugh again and Jared
elbowed his side. "Man seriously. I have blackmail on you. Bathtub. Tutu. Nail
polish."
Jensen abruptly stopped laughing; rolling over and slapping his hand hard
enough over Jared's lips, it caused them to tingle. Not altogether
unpleasantly. "Okay. I get it. And you're not freaking out?"
It probably wasn't meant to be a question but as Jensen's hand drew back, Jared
could see the uncertainty in those familiar green eyes. It brought a small
smile to Jared's lips and he leaned in, sliding his arms around Jensen and
tugging him in for a tight hug. Jared thought maybe it should be a little weird
- they were both in boxers and t-shirts, hugging in his bed in the dark, after
his best friend had just come out of the closet - but it wasn't.
That was another one of those things Jared should probably not think about.
Changing topics was probably the best idea.
"So, got your eye on some guy?" Jared asked without releasing Jensen, squeezing
him tight and smirking into the boy's shoulder.
"Hell no, we are not going there." Jensen pulled back and shoved at Jared but
there was a wide grin on his lips. "Did you know you're kind of awesome?"
"Only always."
-Jensen-
As it turned out, being a senior wasn't all that different from being a Junior.
The classes were about the same level of challenging - though maybe just a
little bit more, mostly because it wasn't harder to care - and the teachers
treated you with that same generic indifference. Chris got a thrill out of
bossing freshmen around and scaring the shit out of them, and Danneel had mini-
me's in training who followed her around like the perfect lemmings.
For the most part though, it was just the same as ever, including his
friendship with Jared. Some part of Jensen had thought maybe things would
change, once he'd confessed to liking guys - maybe he'd harbored some secret
idea that Jared would suddenly confess the same thing and they'd... do stuff.
But none of that had happened, not the bad or the good. It was just life as
usual.
"I swear to Allah and everything holy, Mrs. O'Brien gets hotter every single
year," Chad sighed dramatically, dropping heavily in the seat across from
Jensen and letting his lunch tray slam loudly on the table.
Jensen choked on his too-dry pasta, eyes watering even when Jared clapped him
hard on the back. "Gross, Chad. She's like seventy," Jensen grumbled around
lingering coughs, waving Jared off before he could smack him once more. "Brain
rape."
Seventy or not, that woman is fine and I would let her teach me all sorts of
lessons. Mainly with her ruler. Bent over her desk. If you get what I'm
saying." The waggle of Chad's eyebrows was completely unnecessary and Jensen
was pretty sure he was going to be sick.
"You are a disgusting and foul person Chad Michael. I can't believe I choose to
associate with you," Danneel sighed and brushed long red hair over her
shoulder.
"Just goes to show what a kind and generous person you are," Sandy patted
Danneel's shoulder comfortingly and Jensen smirked over at Jared, both ducking
down to stifle their laughter.
The funny thing about Chad was his ability to say some of the most vile, filthy
shit Jensen had ever heard then in the same breath, be ridiculously sensitive.
He was maybe the most easily offensive person Jensen had ever met and it never
stopped being funny. He was pretty sure it was one of the major reasons they
kept Chad around. And, well, he was a good friend when you really needed one.
"I vote topic change. Let's discuss how Jensen's gay and Jared somehow didn't
know, thought it was probably the most obvious thing ever." Chris smirked their
way, sending a bright blush almost instantly up Jensen's cheeks.
He really didn't need everyone discussing this, because the four people at this
table excluding Jared had known him nearly as long and they didn't have Jared's
best friend goggles. They weren't as oblivious as he would have liked - at
least, not at all of them - and Jensen would rather not have someone else
confessing secrets that were his to keep.
"Or how about the Back to School dance? We going together again this year? Or
have any of you actually managed to scrounge up dates?" Jensen quickly steered
the conversation onto something else, shooting a glare at Chris just in case he
was one of those not-so-oblivious ones.
The Back to School dance was a step down from the Winter Formal or Prom,
dressing up wasn't even required. But usually the dancing was fun - especially
when they were dancing as a group and Jensen didn't have to be jealous over
anyone in particular - and afterward they always shared burgers and fries at
The Shack. Which was maybe one of the more shady diners in town but it had been
their go-to food joint for three years and counting.
So Jensen always looked forward to it and this year would be their last, so
they had to make it their best.
"Actually, um, I guess this is something I should probably do in private but
uh, I was kind of thinking of asking Sandy," Jared muttered, ducking his head
down so his hair fell and covered the blush on his cheeks.
Jensen - who had just been in the middle of considering what they might do this
year to make it even better than the three years before - had never felt
anything like the way his heart dropped heavy in his chest. It was quiet at the
table and Jensen was afraid to look at anyone because there had to be something
like heartbreak in his eyes.
"Wow, never knew this was the magic way to get you all to shut up at once,"
Jared laughed in that nervous, shy, adorable sort of way he had.
Jensen's heart panged and he knew it wouldn't be long before Jared freaked out,
got all upset. This was his best friend and Jensen had no right to be selfish
about any of this. So, Jared wanted to go to the dance with Sandy; that was
fine, Jensen could go by himself. Or with Chris, Chad and Danneel. Yeah, Jensen
could totally handle that.
"I think you just surprised us is all," Jensen finally managed to pull himself
together, looking up and giving Jared the best friend smile. He wasn't sure if
Jared could tell that it didn't hold all the warmth it usually did but he hoped
not. "Um... maybe we should give you two some time to talk?"
Before anyone else could answer, Jensen pushed up and grabbed his tray, a
little relieved when he saw Chad doing the same. He looked up long enough to
watch the blonde boy slip Jared a thumbs up and well, honestly Jensen hadn't
expected Chad to be one of the one's who'd already figured it out but still...
it kind of hurt.
"Jen?" Jared grabbed his arm before he could turn away and Jensen made himself
freeze though he was so tempted to turn around and flee. When the boy spoke
again, his voice was quiet, just loud enough for them, and that ache in
Jensen's heart burned. "It's okay right? That I wanna ask her I mean... just
thought, it might be nice. To have an official date and all."
Jared's words were like a punch in the gut and Jensen closed his eyes and
pulled free from the too warm fingers on his arm. "Yeah. I get it. You do what
you want. Maybe I won't even go."
"You have to go, though. Hey, maybe you can ask someone too. We could double
date," Jared suggested brightly, forgetting that Sandy was still at the table
waiting to have whatever conversation was to follow.
Jensen could tell himself all he wanted that he was going to be a good best
friend and support Jared. It was the right thing to do and all, but he really
hadn't anticipated the way his heart was going to hurt so badly. There were
tears in his eyes when he finally forced them open and looked down at Jared,
sad smile on his lips. "Pretty sure anyone I'd want to ask is not interested.
See you later, Jay."
With that, he finally gave in to the urge to flee, turning from Jared and Sandy
and their usual lunch table and walking swiftly across the Quad. Danneel was
waiting for him by the large double doors that led inside and he fell into her
side as a thin arm hooked over his shoulder.
"Sorry, Jen," she breathed softly, pressing a kiss to his temple.
It didn't surprise him that Danneel knew, but it didn't really make it any
easier.
-Jared-
A frown pulled at Jared's lips as he watched Jensen tuck up against Danneel's
side, head ducked down, shoulders hunched. He didn't really understand what
Jensen had meant by saying no one would be interested. Jensen was a good-
looking guy. At least, Jared was pretty sure Jensen was good looking. It wasn't
like Jared was the right person to judge those kinds of things.
But Jensen did have those pouty lips, everyone enjoyed lips like those. And
there were all those freckles covering the bridge of his nose and his cheeks,
Jared had watched them steadily appear over the years and they were kind of
adorable. Also, Jensen's hair was always really soft and silky, Jared could
imagine the way it would run so easily through his fingers, the perfect
combination of warm and gentle.
Or, someone else's fingers, not Jared's. Why would he think about caressing
Jensen's hair?
"Jared?" Sandy was the only one left at the table with him but Jared had kind
of forgotten she was there, too distracted wondering about Jensen's strange
exit.
He blinked a few times then looked down at the girl, reminding himself to smile
after a minute. It had seemed so important, just a few minutes before, to have
a date to the dance. Now everything felt so strange and he couldn't even figure
out why this had mattered so much.
"So um, are you really going to ask me to the dance?" Sandy asked a little
breathless, hands fluttering back through his hair.
Jared thought maybe she was excited, or nervous, or whatever it was girls got
whenever they were about to be asked out. But when he looked over at the girl
her face was red, small frame shifting uncomfortably along the chair.
It hit him then that this wasn't about to play out the way he had hoped it
would. Or at least was so sure it would. Jared frowned and rubbed fingers back
through his hair. "You're going to say no aren't you?"
"Jared... it's not that I don't like you. It's just, you know, I like someone
else, even if he's maybe not interested. And then there's the whole Jensen
thing." Sandy sighed, turning toward him with a small smile. "Please don't let
things get weird between us, okay? You're one of my best friends and I don't
want that to change."
"It won't, nothing will change, I promise." Jared smiled and well, he wasn't
really lying. Actually, Jared was only a little disappointed that Sandy said
no, which was probably weird. "Wait, what Jensen thing?"
"Oh honey, it really is a good thing you're so cute." Sandy laughed softly and
laid her hand on Jared's arm, squeezing softly as she pushed up to her feet and
dipped down to kiss his cheek.
Jared frowned; maybe this was why he was okay with Sandy not wanting to go.
Girls were so damn confusing sometimes. "Who's the someone else? That you think
isn't interested?"
"It... doesn't matter. Tell you what though, when you figure things out with
yourself, I'll let you in on my secrets. See you later Jay."
Jared turned to watch her leave, considering why it suddenly felt like everyone
else knew something that he hadn't. He knew that sometimes he could be a little
oblivious about some things; people tended to tease him about that pretty
often, but usually someone took pity and filled him in on whatever major thing
he was missing.
Usually that someone was Jensen.
"God, seriously," Jared groaned, finally pushing up to leave the lunch table as
well. There was no way he'd be able to focus in his afternoon classes if he
didn't have some pieces of the puzzle in place. Jared didn't do confusion very
well.
The warning bell signaling five minutes to class sounded just as Jared had
finally tracked down his best friend. Relief washed through him as he watched
the boy lingering at his locker, like maybe he was waiting for Jared. Which he
wasn't, of course, and Jared wasn't really sure why that would matter either
way.
"Man, you'd tell me if I'm missing something major right?" Jared said by way of
a greeting, slumping against the locker beside Jensen's.
The boy jumped and looked wide eyed up at Jared, gaze flickering beyond his
shoulder then back. "Where's Sandy?"
"I don't know, class probably." Jared shrugged and reached out, picking at the
fraying hem of his shirt. "So, something major? Am I being stupid again?"
"You're-" Jensen sighed and stepped back, shutting his locker and shrugging.
Jared frowned at the way Jensen wouldn't lift his eyes, and was shifting back
like he was ready to bolt. "Look, don't worry about it okay? I'll see you
later."
In the next moment, Jensen was spinning on his heels and weaving through the
thick throng of teenagers. And yeah, maybe Jared was a little oblivious
sometimes, but he'd have to be an idiot to not realize that something was
definitely wrong.
-Jensen-
Waiting for Jared after school was something he always did, so natural and
normal that it took actual force to move himself from the front steps. He just
wasn't sure he could handle spending the afternoon with Jared, hearing him gush
about his and Sandy's plans for the dance. He didn't want to know how much
Jared liked Sandy or if he planned to kiss her - or more - and it fucking
sucked that this was expected of him as the best friend.
Walking home was strange and Jensen kept his eyes down on the sidewalk because
he was a little worried he'd trip over something. Or maybe just worried that
he'd catch Jared's eye from the distance and have to see how the obvious brush
off would hurt the boy.
Falling in love with your best friend sucked.
"Hey, Jen." Sandy's arm looped through his, pacing quickening to keep up with
Jensen's almost jog. "What's up?"
Jensen wasn't technically running away, that would be such a pussy thing to do,
and well it didn't matter anyway because here was Sandy. The problem with
having the same friends for the good majority of your life was their uncanny
ability to read your emotions so easily. Jensen could tell Sandy was eyeing him
with sympathy and sadness, no matter how casual she was pretending to be.
"I'm fine," Jensen muttered, slowing his pace a little, as they reached the
edge of the school grounds.
"Um, hmm. You know I said no," Sandy murmured, leaning her head on Jensen's
shoulder, sighing softly. "To Jared."
Jensen frowned and stopped, pulling back from the girl and turning to face her
knowing dark eyes. Apparently, she was one of the not-so-oblivious ones, go
figure. "You didn't have to do that."
"Oh yeah and spend the entire evening watching you make heartbroken puppy dog
eyes at him and feel like a complete bitch? No thanks." Sandy laughed and
reached out, brushing a few specs of dirt from his shirt. "There's someone else
I'm holding out on anyway, hoping he'll wise up and ask me himself."
"Chris wise up? Yeah, that'll happen, right after Jared comes waltzing out of
the closet professing his undying love for me." It sounded bitter - probably a
little too harsh, judging from the way Sandy's delicately shaped eyebrow arched
up - and Jensen's frown deepened.
"Well then there's hope for me yet." Sandy finally laughed, stepping in and
throwing her arms around Jensen in a tight hug. "He'll figure it out Jensen,
trust me. And if not then, we'll help him along."
Jensen was pretty sure the last thing he wanted was their crazy group of
friends intervening for them. Sure, Jensen would give anything to have Jared
look at him with love and adoration that went beyond friendship but not if
someone was making him feel that way. Jensen was pretty damn smart in all
things Jared, the boy could be convinced he really wanted to mop the floor
while singing Justin Bieber if you talked to him just right.
"Jensen!" Whenever Jared said his name, Jensen had to stop himself from
shivering. The rush of warmth it sent through him was a little unnerving
honestly and even now - when he was trying to avoid his best friend - he felt
the swell of heat.
"I can't see him right now," Jensen whispered in a rush to Sandy, grabbing her
hand and giving her pleading eyes. "I just... I just need some time, to get my
head on straight. Please?"
"Jen... you shouldn't..." Sandy sighed and glanced toward Jared who was quickly
heading their way before nodding and shoving Jensen back. "Go on. I'll come up
with an excuse."
"Thank you. Just for a little while I swear." Jensen spared a quick finally
glance at his best friend - who was grinning with those dimples, the kind
Jensen sometimes pretended were meant for him alone - before turning and
running off.
-Jensen-
Isn't it strange, the way things can change, life that you lead-
Jensen hit the side of his phone to stop the ring from playing any further. The
moment the call connected to voicemail, he lifted the device, quickly turning
off the volume. Jensen didn't bother looking up because he was pretty sure his
entire family had to be eyeing him curiously. After all, they might have a rule
about not taking calls during dinner but Jared was the one exception to it.
His parents usually didn't care so much if he answered just long enough to tell
Jared it was dinnertime and he'd call him back. That honestly kind of sucked
because Jensen couldn't even use the meal as a logical excuse for ignore
Jared's call. This one, that is. There was no way he'd come up with a
convincing lie for ignore the previous five that had come before dinner.
Jared: dude stop ignoring me!! whats going on??
Jensen blinked down at the new text and his heart twisted unpleasantly. Why was
it hitting him so hard now all of a sudden? God, Jensen had been in love with
Jared for over a year and he'd dealt with it just fine.
"Are you and Jared having a fight, honey?" His mom finally asked a few minutes
later after Jensen managed to turn his gaze away from the phone and pick at his
meal once more.
God, this was so not something Jensen could explain to his parents. They loved
him, he knew it, but there were some things they could never understand, and
his feelings for Jared definitely fit into that category. Actually, the entire
gay didn't fit into that category but that was something he was currently not
thinking about.
Like Jared, for instance.
"Nah, it's nothing. We just... I just need a break." Jensen ducked his head
down even further, too close to his plate of food to really eat, but he needed
to hide somehow. Need a break, who the hell said that about their best friend?
"Alright, well, I'm sure you two will be just fine." His mom dismissed it
easily and the conversation at the table shifted onto something else - his
mother's day, his father's most recent client, his sister's school project. But
Jensen couldn't focus on any of the normal stuff.
All he could think about was Jared, the phone calls and text messages he was
pretending weren't mocking him on his cell, and the harsh reminder this entire
Sandy thing was. That's what it really boiled down to, this whole avoiding
Jared thing.
Because Jared was seventeen now and was wanting to be with someone - a girl,
someone who wasn't Jensen - and it was going to be a more pressing urge than
ever. Who wanted to be their age and a virgin? It sucked. Everything sucked.
Jared: Jensen? Ur freaking me out. Please?
"Can I be excused?" Jensen asked quietly, already pushing back from the table
as soon as his dad said it was okay. He held his thumb over the phone until the
device shut down and tried to ignore the guilt that stirred up in him.
-Jared-
"Jensen! God, dude, I've completely been freaking out!" Jared dodged around a
swarm of freshmen, entirely too relieved at the sight of his best friend
standing in front of his open locker.
Jensen looked up at the sound of his name and Jared's smile grew, trying not to
shove the much smaller boy that was standing between him and the path forward.
For a moment their eyes met, Jared watched the bright green of Jensen's widen
before the boy was suddenly spinning and all but running off down the hall.
Jared's heart sank, something unpleasant twisting in his gut as he watched his
best friend disappear into the crowd.
Because it was one thing to rationalize last night - Sandy had said Jensen had
a family emergency and had to run off, and that family emergency could have
easily kept Jensen from answering the phone or returning his texts. But this?
There was no denying that Jensen was avoiding him now, fleeing from Jared as if
the idea of even a simple hello was terrifying.
It made Jared feel a little sick.
How could you be best friends with someone almost your entire life and suddenly
have everything change in less than twenty-four hours? Jared didn't even
understand what he'd done wrong or what would cause Jensen to suddenly treat
him like he had the plague.
His first class was with Jensen, Human Health, so Jared decided he would just
head there now. Jensen couldn't avoid class forever and they sat right beside
each other, Jensen would have to give in and talk to him eventually.
Maybe just long enough for Jared to apologize for whatever idiot thing he'd
done to upset Jensen.
But, as the clock ticked closer to the final bell and Jared kept his eyes glued
on the classroom door, his last little hope seemed to fade away. Jared's heart
was heavy in his chest, his palms damp with sweat, and he was pretty sure he
was going to burst into tears right there in the middle of class. That would be
so beyond pathetic, Jared couldn't even go there.
Just as the bell rang, Jensen slipped into the class, skirting past their
teacher and quickly taking his seat as far from Jared as he could. The way
Jared's heart sped up again was unnerving and he shifted closer, dropping his
voice in the lowest whisper he could.
"Jen? Please talk to me? What did I do wrong?" Jared reached out, laying his
hand over Jensen's arm and squeezing tightly.
Jensen's eyes lifted to his and Jared was a little shocked by the sadness
there. It was like Jensen was really hurting, the green of his eyes glistening
with unshed tears, and Jared sucked in a quick surprised breath.
"Alright, everyone settle down. Today we're going to be discussing the male
reproductive system. Specifically pregnancies and how the evolution of man's
body has changed over the years to allow for these rare pregnancies to happen,"
Mrs. Hughes spoke loudly over the groans of the classroom, turning toward the
board to start writing.
Jared's hand on Jensen's arm tightened but the warmth beneath his fingers faded
a moment later as Jensen slowly pulled away. The boy was staring intently down
at his open Health book, like learning about male pregnancies was the most
fascinating thing imaginable, but Jared couldn't get himself to look away.
It felt like the answer to everything was there, just under the surface of his
understanding, and Jared wasn't entirely sure he was ready for whatever it
might be.
-Jensen-
Four days.
Four days of avoiding his best friend and the boy he was completely head over
heels in love with and Jensen thought he was maybe losing his mind. He spent
his lunchtime hiding in the library, tucked behind bookshelves and eating as
fast as he could just in case he needed a quick break away. Jensen had seven
out of eight classes with Jared, all of which he usually sat beside him, and
Jensen had never been almost late to so many classes, skirting in just when the
bell rang.
In the end - when Jensen looked back on this time with a bitter taste in the
back of his mouth - Jensen would never be able to say how he'd managed to avoid
Jared for as long as he did. They were the longest, most painful days of
Jensen's life and he could barely make his rationale for staying away stick.
He kept thinking, one more day. One more day and he'd stop loving Jared so
much, it would stop hurting knowing Jared would never feel the same. But even
after four days, the feelings weren't lessening in the slightest and Jensen
wasn't ready to accept the idea of what that might mean. Like maybe he'd have
to cut Jared out of his life entirely, and Jensen wasn't entirely sure he could
actually do that.
"I wish you two would just kiss and make up already," Danneel sighed and leaned
into Jensen's side, reaching out to snag some fries from his plate.
Jensen scrunched his face up and shifted against the squishy seat. The Shack
had the best booths, all worn in and comfortable, and Jensen couldn't begin to
count how many hours they'd spent occupying them. Tonight felt weird though,
the tension of the last few days hanging heavy over the group.
He'd kind of forgotten how he and Jared being at odds could affect the rest of
their group. No one had called either of them on it - not directly at least -
but Jensen was pretty sure they all knew by now what was going on. Except
Jared, who was always the last one to catch up on the most important things.
"It's never gonna happen," Jensen muttered and dipped his own fries into the
ranch puddle on his plate, more than ready for the distraction of greasy food.
"I just need to get over... everything. And it'll get better, I promise."
"Bull shit. You two need to get your shit together and profess your undying
love already," Chris groaned, balling up the wrapper from his fries and tossing
it at Jensen. "I am fucking sick of the emo."
Jensen knew the feeling, he was sick of the emo too. He was sick of missing his
best friend and sick of loving him far more than he should. "I know, I know.
How do I make it better though? It's not like I can make him love me like
that."
"Well maybe if you'd stop being such a chicken shit you could have a legit
conversation and actually work out some of the hormonal angst you're both
reeking of." Chad slumped back on the bench beside Chris, across from Jensen,
and if he weren’t so right Jensen probably would have been more annoyed.
It really was his own damn fault that the group dynamics were so off. Maybe if
Jensen could just suck it up, stuff all those feelings back down to that secret
place he'd kept them secretly tucked away for more than a year, they could go
back to having their usual awesome Friday nights. Now Jared wasn't even here
and Jensen felt the absence like an ache in his chest.
He was sure they all felt it. They always sat in the back booths at The Shack,
where the benches were wide enough to fit three, and even the waitress had
looked a little confused when they'd settled in minus one. Sandy, Chris, and
Chad sat on one side, Danneel beside Jensen on the other and no matter how much
he fidgeted, there was no way to make that space disappear.
"God, I hate my life," Jensen groaned and fell forward, dropping his head down
hard on the diner table.
If Jensen had been sitting up he probably would have realized something was
about to happen. Maybe he should have paid a little more attention to whomever
it was that kicked his ankle. At least then, he would have had some kind of
warning.
"Jensen. We need to talk."
Sitting up in a flash, Jensen blinked his eyes open and lifted them to the boy
at their side. For a moment his gaze lingered on Jared's thin tapered waist
before dragging up, fixing on sad hazel gazing down on him. Jensen swallowed
thickly and tore his gaze away, scanning over the nervous anticipation on their
friend's faces.
"Can we go outside please?" Jared slid his hands into his pockets, frown
tugging his lips down.
And finally, Jensen could no longer dodge and ignore his best friend. He felt
the guilt of the last few days weigh heavily on his shoulders and he had no
choice but to nod and slowly slide to the edge of the bench. Jared stepped back
to give Jensen room to stand but somehow Jensen still felt the heat of his body
like a magnet he couldn't pull away from.
"Play nice!" Chris hollered after them, and though it was meant to be a joke,
Jensen couldn't help noticing the warning.
It wasn't like he really thought they would get into some type of fight. Jensen
could never physically hurt Jared - but the emotional hurt was sometimes so
much worse. The door of The Shack squeaked as it fell closed behind them, too
loud to Jensen's already frayed nerves.
"I don't know what I did..." Jared whispered, slowly walking across the parking
lot, his feet shuffling over the gravel-covered pavement. "I can't figure out
why I've pissed you off so much."
"You didn't do anything." Jensen's heart did that unpleasant clench twist again
and he slid a step forward, hovering a few inches back just to be safe. The
urge to touch Jared was pressing, overwhelming, but Jensen wasn't sure where
they stood. Their entire friendship was up in the air and Jensen hated it.
"It's all... it's my fault."
"Is it? Because I mean, it sure doesn't seem like anything really happened.
I've spent all week trying to figure it out and I know I'm missing something
pretty damn major." Jared finally tore his hands from his pockets and shoved
his hands through his hair, spinning quickly to Jensen. "It started after I
asked Sandy right? You didn't want me to ask her? Because she said no, so I
don't even know why it matters."
"God, it's not- Jared. I'm sorry, okay? I've been stupid about everything I
know and I wish I could explain it. But it's... god it's complicated." Jensen
was running out of anything plausible to use as an excuse and he knew it. Not
to mention the fact that Jensen could never pull off a lie, not when it came to
someone who'd known him so long.
"Complicated is not a reason to give me the fucking cold shoulder for a week,
Jensen." Jared's hand flailed out causing Jensen to step back to miss the
swing. He'd always loved how passionate Jared could get about things but it
wasn't so great being on the receiving end.
"It was only four days," Jensen muttered, ducking his head when Jared scoffed
loudly. "I really am sorry."
"Well you're gonna have to give me more than that. God Jen, do you realize how
fucking lonely I've been? You're my best friend-"
"I don't want to be!" Jensen yelled out, interrupting Jared, eyes shooting up
long enough to watch the boy's mouth and eyes widen in shock. There was a
definite flash of hurt over his features so Jensen continued because that was
really the only choice. Might as well go all out, there was no hiding the truth
now. "Goddamnit, Jared...you can be so stupid sometimes. It's so fucking
obvious I don't know how you've never put it together."
Jared's fingers curled into fists at his sides but Jensen was more caught by
the look on his face. It was that adorable, puzzled little look he got whenever
he was so close to figuring something out but couldn't quite make it click. It
made Jensen's heart twist again. "Would you just spell it out for me already?
Because this shit is really starting to-"
"I'm in love with you," Jensen interrupted once more, this time in a quiet
rush, the words falling from his lips even as he desperately wished he could
pull them back. This time he couldn't make himself look up at Jared, too afraid
of the expression on his face; he just pressed on because he had to get it all
out and be done with it, even if it meant losing Jared for good. "I was hurt
that you wanted to ask Sandy because I wanted you to ask me. And, and even
though she said no it made me realize how hard it is to be in love with your
best friend for a year and never have him feel the same. So I thought I'd just
pull away for a while, get over it, then we'd be better."
"You... what?" Jared was clearly shocked, his voice quiet and breathy, and out
of the corner of his eye Jensen could see the familiar slide of fingers through
hair. "Holy shit. This is... god I had no idea. This is... damn it! Jensen, how
could you keep something like this from me?"
Jensen had never tried to guess how Jared might react if he found out the truth
about his feelings but he was pretty sure anger never would have come into it
if he had. Jensen swallowed thickly and forced his gaze up, unsure by the
haywire of emotions on Jared's face. "I didn't want things to change between
us. How was I supposed to tell you?"
"You didn't want things to change? I mean, fuck, Jensen, we sleep in the same
bed! We share damn near everything! And you just kept this from me?" Jared
shook his head roughly and stepped back, holding up a hand when Jensen moved
forward to follow. "Just, leave me alone. I need some time. I need to figure
shit out."
Watching Jared walk away after Jensen had poured out his entire heart had
definitely never been an outcome he'd anticipated. For some reason, Jensen had
thought Jared would accept him no matter what, and maybe they wouldn't sleep in
the same bed together anymore but they'd still be best friends. He'd definitely
never thought Jared would just... leave.
"Jensen?" Danneel's whisper of his name came countless minutes later, after
Jared had already slid behind the wheel of his car and driven off in a squeal
of tires on pavement.
Jensen turned slowly and blinked at his group of friends, the four people he'd
relied on so many times through every twist and turn in his life. Minus one,
the most important one. Jensen opened his mouth to answer but all that came out
was a pained sob.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Part Two
-Jared-
"You wanna talk about it?"
Jared couldn't get his gaze to lift from the scrapbook open on his lap. He'd
been staring at it for hours now, too long to count, and every time he blinked
all he saw was the crushed, devastated look on Jensen's face right before he'd
run away the night before. Now that the shock had settled some, Jared was
seeing everything with different eyes.
"Jared? Baby?" Mama sighed and, pushing off the doorframe, walked slowly over
to Jared until she was close enough to reach out and caress his hair. "I'm
worried about you."
"I'm okay," Jared shrugged, managing a weak smile up at Mama. "Just... thinking
about some things."
Mama hummed softly and nudged Jared back until there was enough room for her to
sit beside him on the edge of the bed. Her arm curled slowly around Jared,
fingers stroking over his arm, lips pressing to his temple in a gentle kiss.
"You know honey, however you feel, no matter what happens, I will always love
you with all I am."
That had never really been something Jared was even remotely worried about. The
idea of his Mama not loving him anymore because of the way he felt was
ridiculous. Still, the very fact that she'd thought to say something like that
had Jared's eyes snapping wide open as he turned to face her.
"What do you mean?" He was almost afraid of her answer. Because he'd spent the
entire night - and day afterward - trying to accept that his best friend was in
love and he was getting there, it wasn't so shocking anymore. The idea that he
could feel the same... Jared wasn't ready to go there yet.
"You boys always did have a special sort of relationship. I watched you both
grow up and learn so much about the world together. Feeling as you do, caring
so much, it's almost to be expected."
For some reason the very notion that this would be expected of him made a burst
of anger flare through Jared. He pushed away from his Mama and passed across
the room, arms flailing out at his sides. "It's not like I'm in love- I don't
have these feelings about Chad or Chris. Or Danneel, hell, not even Sandy and I
thought I could see myself dating her. And it's not like I really have feelings
for Jen... it's... maybe it's just because we're so close. Maybe we just need
some time apart."
"So the way he's avoided you all week, that hasn't bothered you at all? You
think it's for the best?" Mama folded her arms across her chest, giving Jared a
look that was a little too liking for his taste.
Jared thought about the last five or so days without Jensen and just like that
all the anger seeped out of him. With a heavy sigh he turned back to the bed,
dropping down on the mattress beside his Mama and letting his head fall to rest
on her shoulder. It felt like all the emotions of the last week were pressing
down on his shoulders and really, all Jared wanted to do was see Jensen. He
wanted to hug the boy, pull comfort from him, lie in bed for hours and talk
about everything under the moon.
It wasn't a secret he missed Jensen, it was the reason he'd gone to The Shack
last night even though it was one of the nights he'd usually spend with his
Mama. But the way he missed Jensen now was like an ache somewhere deep in his
chest, a longing that was practically unbearable.
"I've never been with anyone Mama," Jared muttered, feeling the flush of heat
crawling up his cheeks. This wasn't really the conversation he wanted to have
with her, but it wasn't as if he had many options at this point. "How do I know
that it's not just... circumstance? How do I know it's not because of all the
time we spend together? Because if it's just that, but we get together anyway,
and something happens... I can't lose him Mama. I really, really can't. So what
if I fuck up our entire lifelong friendship over... god knows what?"
"Jared, what do you think love is, son?" Mama laughed softly and ruffled his
hair, nudging Jared back to give him a knowing smile. "You always take that
risk of losing someone when you let yourself feel more but that's what makes it
all so great. That feeling when you know someone is completely worth all of the
risks."
Jared was pretty sure Jensen was worth any risk - if anyone was, it was Jensen
- but the idea of losing his best friend was absolutely terrifying. Jared
threaded his fingers together and squeezed tightly. "And... if I do think he
is, worth the risk I mean, how do I keep it all from falling apart? God, Mama,
I'm not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, even I can admit to that."
Mama tipped her head back in a laugh even as she pushed up to stand, ruffling
fingers through Jared's hair. "I have this feeling you two will work it out
somehow. Considering how Jensen feels about you, pretty sure he'd not about to
let you go any time soon."
Jared watched his Mama walk out of his room, wondering just how she'd figured
out everything regarding Jensen's feelings. Sometimes when it came to his Mama,
it was just better to take her advice, though Jared wasn't entirely sure where
to begin fixing things with Jensen.
-Jared-
It seemed safer to not reach out to Jensen until Monday, until Jared had taken
some time to really consider what he was going to say and what he really felt.
The plan had seemed really smart, especially when he talked to Mama about it
and she spent the entire weekend with him cuddled up on the couch watching some
of their favorite movies.
But by the time he stepped onto the school grounds on Monday morning, he was
starting to rethink his decision. Jensen was nowhere to be found, not on the
front steps or outside his locker and Jared's heart sank just a little heavier
in his chest. Maybe avoiding Jensen hadn't been the right call.
What if he'd fucked everything up because he needed time to figure shit out?
He was just starting to freak out about the possibility that he'd fucked up all
of his friendships when he spotted Danneel. Jared blew out a shaky breath and
pushed through the crowd, grabbing the girl's arm to keep from losing her in
the student mass.
"God, Dani," Jared exhaled in a rush, gripping the girl even tighter because he
didn't think he could handle anyone leaving him. He was desperate for Jensen by
this point but he'd take any connection from his friendships that he could get.
"Jared? Are you okay?" Danneel turned to face him and Jared was relieved to see
she didn't look angry. Maybe she'd even understand, if Jared could figure out
the right way to explain everything to her. "You never answered my texts this
weekend."
"I know. I'm sorry, I was avoiding everyone. That was shitty." Jared slowly
released the girl's thin arm and lifted his hand, pushing it back through his
hair slowly. "I needed some time to sort myself out."
"I get that. Was kind of a lot." Danneel shut her locker and leaned against the
metal, eyes scanning down the hall slowly. "So... did you do it? Get your brain
all sorted?"
A slight smile lifted Jared's lips and he shrugged. "I think so. Have you seen
Jensen around? I really need to talk to him."
Danneel considered him for a long moment and it felt like she was trying to
read his mind. Jared didn't mind, he knew Danneel had a fierce protective
streak of Jensen and he couldn't blame her. Jensen deserved to be protected.
Finally, a smile lifted the girl's lips and Jared was relieved - and maybe a
little surprised - that she could read the emotions behind his eyes. "Last I
saw he was out on the bleachers with Sandy."
"Okay, great, I'm just gonna..." Jared gestured toward the school doors, heart
kick starting at the very thought of seeing Jensen again.
God, how had he not realized before that his best friend made him feel this way
and of course, it meant something more?
Jensen was perched on the top bench of the stadium bleachers, facing Sandy so
all Jared could see was the back of his head. Even that seemed to be enough to
make Jared's palms sweat and he swallowed the lump in his throat as he forced
himself forward. Jared knew things would be okay between them, as long as he
managed to get everything he was thinking out without making anything worse.
They obviously saw him coming. At least by the time Jared reached the top of
the bleachers both were facing him, Sandy's eyes wide and Jensen's guarded and
narrowed in a way that made Jared's chest tightening uncomfortably. Jared
shoved his hands into his pockets, ducking his head down and rocking forward on
the metal bench.
"Hey. Can I um, can we talk for a few minutes? Before class?" Jared thought
about adding alone but one quick glance over to Sandy and the girl was jumping
up, fumbling for her canvas bag and slinging it quickly up over her shoulder.
"I'll see you guys at lunch." Sandy dipped down and kissed Jensen's cheek,
saying something Jared couldn't hear. She gave Jared a soft smile as she
straightened up, squeezing his arm as she passed and jogged down the bleachers.
Jared turned to watch her go, blowing out a shaky breath before climbing up the
last step, slowly dropping to sit on the metal beside Jensen. "So, I kind of
freaked out."
"Kind of." Jensen nodded, arms folding across his chest, pulling in on himself.
"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have just unloaded that all on you like that."
"No, you should have. I needed to know. Hell, I asked what it was all about
didn't I?" Jared smiled weakly over at Jensen then looked away, twisting his
sweaty fingers together.
It was silent for a few long, uncomfortable moments and Jared was pretty sure
he was about to be sick all over the front of his jeans. Why was did it feel
like this between them now? Jared kept coming back to the idea that things
between them were ruined forever. He didn't know how to change that.
"I miss you," Jensen whispered just before the silence could reach the point of
being overwhelming.
For whatever the reason, that was enough to cause the last of Jared's lingering
nerves to explode. In the next moment, he spun and reached out, gripping
Jensen's upper arms hard and dragging him forward. Jared caught just a flash of
Jensen's wide eyes before their lips were sealing together, Jensen's still open
in shock.
Jared hadn't really given a lot of thought to what would be his first kiss. It
hadn't seemed weird that he'd yet to have one, and it didn't seem all that
weird to have it now, with Jensen. No, it actually felt natural. Even if
Jensen's lips were still frozen against his and Jared was pretty sure the boy
was about to have some major type of freak out.
Sure enough, a beat later Jensen was shoving back hard, his eyes fluttering a
few times as he stared at Jared. "That was not cool."
"No?" Jared's lips felt pleasant and tingling, a smile twitching at the corner
though it was probably not a very appropriate time for one. "I thought it was
pretty good honestly."
"You can't just fuck around with me like that Jared!" Jensen pressed his
fingertips hard into Jared's shoulders, a scowl twisting his lips. "God, that
was suck a dick thing to do."
Against Jared's control, the smile grew on his lips and he ducked his head
down, trying to catch Jensen's eye. "Jen? I wanted it."
A strangled snort left Jensen's mouth only to cut off a beat later, gaze
snapping up to fix on Jared. "You... seriously? No. You're fucking with me."
"Would I really do that?" At the risk at being slapped, Jared reached out and
slowly slid his fingers down Jensen's cheek, lingering on his lips for just a
moment. "I've thought about it, all weekend really. I thought about whether I
wanted this and what it meant if I did and you know what I realized?"
Jensen still looked pretty damn shocked - Jared couldn't blame him - and his
Adam's apple bobbed a few times with hard swallows before he managed to speak.
"W-what?"
“I've never thought it was weird that I didn't think about girls, didn't want
to have a relationship and do all that physical shit. This weekend I realized,
it was because of you. I mean, I'd rather spend every minute of every day with
you. You're the first person I think about when I wake up and the last one I
think of before I fall asleep. This week, you and I not talking, it was
probably the most painful thing I've ever gone through but I'm glad for it
because it made me realize probably the most important thing ever."
"Oh my god, is this really happening?" Jensen gasped in a breath, his hands
fluttering quickly up to his cheeks then dropping like he realized just how
ridiculous that looked.
Jared grinned and spun to face Jensen head on, reaching out to frame the boy's
flushed cheeks between his palms. "I don't even know how it happened but I am
like, crazy in love with you. You're the only person I want to have any kind of
relationship with."
"And all the physical shit?" Jensen laughed softly, shifting just a little
closer.
It felt good to laugh with Jensen again, to feel like all the shit that had
stirred up between them over the last week was finally fading away, giving way
to something so much better. "Oh yeah, definitely all the physical shit."
"You're not gonna change your mind right?" Jensen swayed closer, his nose
brushing against Jared's, their lips so close Jared could feel the quickening
release of the boy's breath. "If we do something, if we become more, you won't
regret it?"
Jared slowly shook his head then dragged Jensen in, crushing their lips
together once more. It was completely better than the first time, mostly
because Jensen wasn't battling with shock. This time Jensen was reaching out,
threading his fingers into Jared's hair and pulling him in even closer so their
lips could slide perfectly smooth together.
A deep moan rose up in Jared and he slid his tongue forward, eager to taste
every inch of Jensen's mouth. He'd never really felt the rush of pleasure like
he did at that moment, the swirl of heat that rose in the pit of his stomach as
Jensen inched closer. It was all these things he hadn't even realized he was
missing and it was absolutely perfect.
The distant ring of the morning bell echoed across the schoolyard and Jared
smiled into the kiss, knowing Jensen would never be okay with skipping class.
Even for something like a pretty damn hot make out session.
"Think you won Chris twenty bucks," Jensen muttered as he pulled back, wetting
his red kiss swollen lips.
Jared tipped his head back in a laugh, pulling Jensen up with him as he stood.
His arms around Jensen tightened even as they made their way down the
bleachers. The thought of untangling from Jensen didn't even occur to him and
Jensen seemed completely okay with that.
"This is about to be a serious chick flick moment isn't it?" Jensen sighed
wearily, detaching reluctantly from Jared and dropping down in his seat.
"I'm just so happy for you guys!" Sandy cheered happily, reaching out to
squeeze Jensen's hand. "I can't help but feel a little responsible. I mean, if
Jared hadn't asked me to the dance and all."
"Well maybe we can repay the favor somehow." Jensen grinned at the girl,
shooting a look over to Chris who was completely unaware of course that the
conversation involved him in any way.
Jared pressed his leg against Jensen's under the table and it helped counteract
the way his heart panged on Sandy's behalf. He definitely understood crushing
on someone who didn't feel the same. But then, it seemed to turn out pretty
well for him in the long run so there was still hope for Sandy and Chris.
"Man, I am plenty happy for you two but I swear to god I am not putting up with
any PDA. You hear me? No kissing. Or goo goo eyes. Or inappropriate groping,"
Chris grumbled around his mouthful of food.
Jensen rolled his eyes but Jared only grinned, sliding his fingers over
Jensen's denim covered thigh, sliding up just a little too high. "Well then, I
guess you better not look under the table at any point in time."
At that, Danneel and Sandy simultaneously ducked under the table in an
explosion of giggles while Chris and Chad groaned. Jensen ducked his head down,
hiding the blush crawling swiftly up his cheeks. This thing with Jared was
going to be a constant whirlwind and Jensen couldn't possibly be more excited.
-Jared-
"Mama! We're home!" Jared swung the front door open, all but dragging Jensen
into the house with him. Their hands were threaded tightly together and Jared
couldn't get over the thrill of having Jensen there with him, them being
together. He wanted to tell everyone, wanted to shout it off the rooftops, but
mostly he wanted Jensen alone and in his bedroom where they could explore more
of that kissing business.
"Look at my boys, happy as clams." Mama beamed at them as she entered the room,
drying her hands on a dishtowel. For just a moment, her gaze dropped down to
their linked hands and Jared was pretty sure her smile widened. "I'm just about
to head to work. You two gonna behave here on your own?"
Jared smirked and glanced over, watching the blush growing on Jensen's cheeks.
His boyfriend was kind of adorable.His boyfriend, holy shit. "We will Mama, I
promise," Jensen murmured, squeezing Jared's hand tightly.
"Alright, just... be safe. And don't think either of you are getting out of a
talk later on." Mama shot them both a firm look then tossed the dishrag at
Jared with a laugh.
After they'd both received hugs from Mama and she'd left, Jared exploded in
laughter, pulling Jensen in hugging him close. "I think we're gonna get stuck
having a sex talk with Mama."
"That sounds downright terrifying." Jensen tightened his arms around Jared,
burying his face in Jared's neck.
The hot release of air against Jared's neck was enough to send a shudder of
pleasure down his spine and his arms tightened around his boyfriend. "Can we go
up to my room now?"
"Um, yes. Definitely. Yeah." Jensen stepped back, smiling up at Jared then
looking down, hiding another flush on his cheeks.
Jared thought the whole Jensen blushing out of control thing was pretty much
the most adorable thing ever. They chased each other up the stairs, nervous
excitement causing them both to laugh. Jared's hands were starting to shake,
which he thought was kind of ridiculous. This was Jensen; it wasn't like they
would hurt each other or anything.
But he'd kind of been building this moment up in his mind all weekend, and all
day after their few kisses that morning. He knew they weren't about to go all
the way or anything, they definitely weren't ready for that yet, but Jared had
been a virgin for seventeen years and he was very ready for that to change.
The moment they stepped into his bedroom he had Jensen pressed up against the
wall, backpacks sliding to the floor, lips crushing hard together. Earlier,
before school ended, Jared had asked Jensen if he wanted to come over to work
on homework. Judging from the heat that had been behind Jensen's gaze then,
Jared was fairly certain the boy would be okay with anything they decided to
do.
"Jay," Jensen gasped into the kiss, lifting his leg and letting it hook around
the back of Jared's thigh. "Oh god."
Their tongues tangled together and Jared sucked in the taste of his boyfriend,
eager to memorize it. They kissed until their lips were nearly numb and Jared
thought his knees were going to give out. He'd never been so hard before, never
wanted so badly, and Jared had had some pretty intense wet dreams in th past.
None of them could even begin to compare to the way Jensen was making him feel
now.
Countless minutes - hours, maybe - later, they stumbled across the room and
finally fell to the bed. Jared kicked out of his shoes, sucking on Jensen's
tongue as the boy removed his own sneakers. Every little noise Jensen made was
addicting - the soft whimpers, low moans, and quiet pleas - and Jared was
pretty sure he would do absolutely everything in his power to hear them as
often as possible.
"Wanna touch," Jensen moaned out after a while, slipping his fingers under
Jared's shirt to caress his abs. "God, I can't believe this is happening."
"Kind of feels surreal huh?" Jared laughed shakily, shifting around on the bed
until he and Jensen were lying on their sides facing each other. They were both
panting heavily, lips swollen, cheeks flushed, and Jared could hardly believe
how gorgeous Jensen looked. "Fuck, how did I never figure this out before?"
Jensen grinned, dancing his fingers down to tug on Jared's belt buckle. "You're
kind of an idiot sometimes."
"Gee, the love." Jared rolled his eyes but the action faltered when Jensen's
fingers dipped under his jeans. He'd thought about this - pretty much non-stop
since he'd figured out how he really felt for Jensen - but feeling it was
something completely different.
Jensen's fingers were soft and gentle, creeping slowly further down, slipping
under the worn cotton of his briefs. Jared couldn't seem to tear his gaze from
Jensen's, lips parted on a heavy pant, desire swirling in the pit of his
stomach. By the time Jensen's fingers curled around the base of his cock Jared
was pretty sure he was going to come right then and there.
"Fuck, Jensen," Jared gasped, his chest heaving in quick breaths. "You've
never... you haven't..." The way Jensen was touching him now was so quickly
driving him out of control, Jared couldn't imagine this was the boy's first
time.
Though the very idea made a sick jealousy swim through every inch of him.
"Never. You know I haven't." Jensen wet his lips slowly, eyes traveling down to
watch his hand move.
Something about watching Jensen watch him made everything in Jared bubble over.
In the next moment, he was pushing forward, lips crushing hard against
Jensen's, hands fumbling with the boy's jeans. Their bodies rolled together
over the mattress, wrestling down denim and cotton, flesh sliding together
between gasps and moans.
Jared wasn't even sure how they managed to get out of their clothing but in the
next beat, their naked bodies were pressed together and Jared's cock was
sliding against Jensen's. He'd never felt anything like that perfect heat, the
radiating heat, flesh on flesh. Jared pulled back from the kiss and slid his
hand down between them, stretching to curl over both their cocks and fumbling
with the best pace.
"Oh my god, oh my god," Jensen groaned and dropped his forehead to rest against
Jared's, sharing quick panted breaths. "Not gonna- not gonna last, Jared, god."
That was enough to tip Jared over the edge, the deep lust of Jensen's voice
sliding like heated fingers down his spine. Jared shuddered and jerked forward,
the swell of his release slicking hot and wet between them. His grip around
their cocks tightened, his pace slowing, his vision blurring.
When Jensen came, it was with a call of Jared's name, fingers digging hard into
Jared's shoulders. Their kisses slowed as the heat of the moment faded, Jared
tugging Jensen over to lie on his chest as they settled back on the bed.
If at any point it got awkward between them, Jared thought it might be now.
After all, falling in love with your best friend was one thing but sharing
something so physical and intimate? Well, that was something else completely
and Jared thought it might be a logical time for a freak out.
Then Jensen flopped to the side, arm dropping over Jared's chest, and groaned.
"You better not have torn any buttons off my shirt. You know how much I like
that one."
It was so normal, so Jensen, that Jared felt the potential awkward tension fade
away. He snorted a laugh and pressed a loud, noisy kiss to Jensen's shoulder.
"Relax, Princess, I'm sure you'll be able to sew it back on."
"Bitch, for that I declare you go get me food. I will relax here and look
pretty until you return." Jensen made a big show of reclining back on the back,
tucking his arms under his head and looking like he didn't have a care in the
world.
Just because he looked so god damn gorgeous, Jared rolled off the bed to head
for the kitchen. Even with post orgasm weak knees.
-Jensen-
The smile on Jensen's lips had been a permanent fixture over the last week, so
much so his cheeks were starting to hurt. It was pretty easy not to care about
how ridiculous he looked, or to put up with the never ending teasing from their
friends. Jensen was happier than he could ever remember being and every moment
he spent with Jared just made it all the better.
Especially in moments like these, settled into their usual booth, Jensen tucked
up against Jared's side. The warmth and comfort of their friends' voices
surrounded them in a pleasant bubble, and with Jared's fingers settled on his
thigh, it was shooting little sparks of pleasure through every inch of him.
Jensen couldn't imagine a better way to spend a Friday night.
"So, how far have you guy's gone?" Danneel asked in a slow drawl, a smirk
growing on her lips as she considered Jared and Jensen across the booth.
Jensen's eyes snapped open and he sat up quickly, watching Chris groan, Chad
roll his eyes and Sandy perk up expectantly. Judging from the look on Jared's
face, Jensen was pretty sure he didn't want his boyfriend answering for him -
not if he wanted to keep his blush from staining his entire body and getting
even more teased.
"We are not discussing our sex life with you," Jensen protested, elbowing his
boyfriend when the boy snickered.
"Oh, so there is a sex life." Danneel's smirk widened into a full-fledged smile
and Sandy squeaked excitedly.
"Come on! Just a few little details. A hint." Sandy tapped her fingers on the
tabletop, rocking his shoulder hard against Chris' next to hers. "Help the
cause Chris."
"No way. I do not want to hear any details, not even the hint of one." Chris
slung his arm over Sandy's shoulder, squeezing her tight.
Jensen watched the way Sandy's eyes flickered up to Chris, the longing clear
behind her gaze, and felt tempted to give her all the details he could think
of. Maybe it would make her feel better.
Jared must have felt somewhere along the same because in the next moment Jensen
suddenly found the boy's lips crushed against his own. Jensen sank easily into
the kiss, drawing Jared even closer so their tongues could tangle together.
Kissing Jared was addictive in the best way and he knew it always would be.
They'd spent hours over the last week kissing until their lips were numb, and
all they could taste was each other. It still was never enough.
"Alright, alright, enough. Knock it off you two." Chris tossed a fry at them,
laughing when Sandy and Danneel rushed to shut him up.
Pulling away with a soft moan, Jensen let his forehead rest against Jared's,
breathing in the boy's panted air. Under the table and out of view Jared's
fingers squeezed over Jensen's thigh and a shudder of pleasure shook him all
over again.
"Damn, I am not even remotely gay and that was hot. Ugh, you fuckers suck,"
Chad muttered, sliding a little further out of the booth beside Jared like he
might do something crazy if he sat any closer.
Jensen felt the all too familiar blush crawl up his cheeks but he grinned up at
Jared - then over at Sandy and Danneel - as his fingers settled over Jared's on
his thigh and pushed up just a little higher. "Don't worry Chad, there's
absolutely no way I'm sharing."
"My boy is too possessive to even consider that." Jared beamed down at Jensen,
pressing another soft kiss to his lips before settling back on the bench. "So
Chris, when are you gonna shape up and ask Sa--"
"Jared!" Sandy reached across the table and smacked Jared hard on the arm.
There was a bright blush on her cheeks, Chris only looked confused, and Jensen
shared a look with Danneel before changing the topic. It would spare his
boyfriend more abuse from Sandy and keep things from getting potentially
awkward. After all, there was no way of knowing how Chris really felt about
Sandy and the group had barely gotten past the last relationship blow up.
"Did anyone else hear that Tom Welling got knocked up? Is there any truth to
that or is that just some vicious rumor started by everyone jealous of his
super God looks?" Jensen knew there was nothing like a good bit of gossip to
get the group's mind off Jared's almost slip up.
"It's completely true, I saw him heaving up his nachos in the middle of the
bathroom yesterday." Chad laughed, stuffing fries into his mouth, completely
unbothered by the discussion of throwing up. Typical Chad.
There was still a puzzled look on Chris' face but Sandy looked relieved by the
distraction and she nodded quickly. "Yeah I heard it was true too. Though
apparently he won't admit who knocked him up."
"It's funny, I didn't think he'd be one of the ones," Danneel mused around her
straw, shoulders lifting in a shrug. "You know, only certain guys can get
knocked up or whatever right? He just doesn't seem like the type."
"I'm not really sure it's that cut and dry. I mean, what if every guy has the
possibility to get knocked up but that all depends on if they're gay and if
they bottom. And if you are those things you get tested and then get on birth
control right?" Jared's words made complete sense but Jensen was having a hard
time focusing. Mostly because the boy's fingers were inching further and
further up, working over the denim until his finger could slide over the
rapidly hardening press of his cock.
"Guess that means you better go get some pills Jenny," Chris teased and
laughed, reclining back in the booth.
Jensen wasn't so bothered about this particular teasing. Because the idea of
bottoming for Jared? Well it was enough to cause his cock to twitch painfully
and Jared press just a little firmer.
-Jensen-
"You've been awful happy lately honey, things are better with Jared I take it?"
Jensen jumped, looking up from the sink where he'd been scrubbing dishes.
Instinctively his shoulders lifted, hunching in hopes that his mom wouldn't see
the dark bruise just at the bottom of his neck. He had warned Jared not to give
him a hickey, he'd even gone so far as to threaten him with no kissing if he
did, but Jared knew he was too persuasive for Jensen to stick to that. And now
there was a dark circle bruise that couldn't be excused to a curling iron -
thank you very much Danneel.
"Um yeah, we're good now. Better. Yeah." Jensen blushed and turned back to the
dishes, smile growing on his lips. Better was an understatement. Jensen had
spent the entire weekend with Jared. Which was nothing new, they usually always
spent weekends together and with their friends, but this time it involved
kissing and touching and sleeping together naked.
Yeah, definitely better than good.
"Well that's good, I'm glad to hear it." His mom crossed the kitchen and began
lifting dishes, drying them and considering Jensen with sideways glances.
Jensen let a few minutes pass in silence - just the clink of dishes and the
splash of water - before sighing and looking up at his mom. "What?"
"It's like there's something different about you. Almost like you're glowing...
something more you want to tell me?" Her smile was a little knowing and Jensen
almost dropped the dish in his hands.
It wasn't that he thought his mom would freak out over his loving Jared like he
did - they loved Jared too, in their own way - but they definitely wouldn't
understand, and they certainly wouldn't be like Mama who insisted that they be
safe and careful but let them stay in the same room because she knew they'd
find ways to be together regardless. Mama was always welcoming and accepting
and Jensen's parents... they were just a little more conservative was all.
"You're seeing someone aren't you?" His mom finally pressed when Jensen failed
to provide any sort of answer. Her hands clasped together in excitement and
Jensen was a little scared of the twinkle in her eyes. "Oh who is it honey? Is
it Danneel? That girl always did seem really fond of you."
Jensen cringed - he loved Danneel but god, they would not work out well
together - and shook his head. "No. No Mom, it's not Danneel. She's just my
friend."
"Oh, okay." His mom deflated for a moment - like she'd been picturing Jensen
and Danneel together and how cute they could be - before smiling and continuing
on. "Well who is she then? Have I met her? You should invite her over."
All the hers were grating at Jensen's nerves and he swallowed thickly, keeping
his gaze focused on the dishes in case his mom somehow managed to figure out
all the little truths just by looking at him. He didn't want to lie, he wanted
to tell his mom how happy Jared made him and how he'd never been more in love
with anyone, but he was scared. And he wanted to keep Jared as his own, for a
little while at least.
"I'm just not ready to share yet, okay mom?" Jensen asked softly, looking up at
her finally and hoping she could understand this much at least. "I really...
really care about this person and I just want to enjoy it for a little while.
Okay?"
She considered him for too many long tense minutes and Jensen thought that
maybe she really had learned to read his mind. But then her smile returned and
she reached out to pull him into a hug. "As long as you're being careful honey,
and that you're happy, that's all that matters to me."
"I am mom, on both accounts." Jensen pulled back from the hug to smile up at
his mom. There was a sinking feeling in his gut, like a warning that something
bad was about to happen, but he pushed it away.
After all, his parents would love him no matter what; he was pretty sure about
that. Pretty sure.
-Jared-
It was remarkably hard to stay focused on his homework when Jensen was sitting
there like that, sucking on the bottom end of his pen, glasses perched on his
nose. God, Jensen was always so damn sexy with those glasses on, Jared should
really try to convince him to wear them more often. Contacts were overrated.
Jared was pretty sure the homework in front of him wasn't all that important,
so watching his boyfriend was completely justified.His boyfriend. It may have
already been two weeks but the term was no less thrilling than it had been the
first time he'd thought it. Dating Jensen really wasn't all that much different
from being his best friend except now their free time included extended make
out sessions and hands shoved down the front of jeans.
It was a win/win all around.
When Jensen's tongue flicked out to slide over the bottom of his pen, Jared
moaned from the back of his throat. Jensen slowly looked up at him, eyebrows
arching in time with the smirk growing on his lips. "Something up Jay?"
“Fuck, you seriously have no idea how hot you are, do you?" Jared slid off the
edge of the bed, crawling forward on his knees.
Jensen spun in the computer chair, letting his legs fall open so Jared could
settle in between. Almost instantly, Jensen's fingers were carding through
Jared's hair, tugging softly on the smooth golden locks. "I know how hot you
make me, does that count?"
"Possibly," Jared murmured, dipping in to kiss his way down the perfect curve
of Jensen's neck. "Wish I would have figured shit out earlier. We could have
been doing this for a long time."
"No point in regretting the past, we have it now right and that's all that
matters." The way Jensen's head dipped back to provide even more access to his
steadily flushing skin sent a rush of power through Jared. Just knowing he
could affect Jensen in any way made his already hard cock twitch in his jeans.
"Mm, you're right." Jared slipped his fingertips under the bottom of Jensen's
shirt, pushing the fabric up enough to caress the smooth heat of flesh. "You
know what I want to do?" He spoke against the fleshy earlobe, dragging his
teeth along the skin.
Jensen moaned deeply, his body rocking up into the heat of Jared's fingers
moving over his skin. "Don't care, anything you want."
Smirking at his boyfriend, Jared tugged hard on Jensen's shirt, tossing it
across the room a beat later. So far, there had been a lot of touching - nearly
every day, exploring each other's bodies with gently sweeping fingertips - but
now Jared was ready for a little bit more. In all truth, Jared was probably
ready for everything because why should they wait? It wasn't like they didn't
know absolutely everything about each other.
But he wanted to learn some of the more physical stuff about Jensen - like this
sound here, the gaspy plea that slipped from Jensen as Jared worked his pants
open. Jensen was slouched down in the chair, legs spread wide, hips lifting
long enough for Jared to drag his jeans and boxers to his knees.
For a long moment, Jared was caught on the sight of Jensen's swollen flesh, the
delicious red curve and forming drop of pre-come. Then his curiosity won out
and he was dipping down, lapping up the taste of his boyfriend. The loud moan
that rose from Jensen this time was better than any Jared had yet to hear,
making his heart pick up speed in his chest.
"Oh god, please Jared," Jensen moaned out the words in that deep rich way that
made Jared's body tingle. "Suck me."
That was about all the begging Jared could handle. He let his lips part wide
and sank down over Jensen's cock, sucking the boy in as far as he could. It
wasn't very much but it seemed to be enough to do the trick. Jensen was
constantly squirming in the chair, his fingers pulling and tugging at Jared's
hair to encourage him on. It was the hottest thing Jared had ever experienced
and, considering all the touching they'd done in the last couple of weeks, that
was really saying a lot.
"Jared, Jared," Jensen chanted his name roughly, his nails digging into Jared's
scalp and dragging over the skin. "Jesus, your mouth, amazing."
The taste of Jensen's flesh exploded across his taste buds and Jared moaned,
bobbing slowly along the hard length of him. Jared hadn't spent a whole lot of
time imagining sucking someone's cock but he was pretty sure this was perfect.
He could see so easily how he could get addicted to this, to the feel of
Jensen's cock sliding over his tongue and the salty smear of pre-come over his
tongue.
Just about the time Jared was really starting to get into the groove, the feel
of heated flesh sliding between his lips, Jensen tugged at his hair and called
out a warning about being close. Jared pulled back just enough so he didn't
have to worry about choking and relaxed his throat, bracing himself for the
rush of Jensen's release.
It was hot and spicy, sliding along his tongue and down his throat. Jared
swallowed thickly and closed his eyes, savoring the burst of pleasure and the
way his cock ached in his jeans. Talk about a rush of power.
Pulling back, Jared sat on his heels and chased the taste on his lips, smirking
up at Jensen who was currently sinking bonelessly into the computer chair. "So
how was that?"
"Fan-fucking-tastic," Jensen groaned, snagging Jared's shirt collar and
dragging him close. Their lips slid together in hard glides, tongues tangling,
bodies colliding as Jensen all but fell out of the chair and collapsed onto
him.
It was pretty safe to say they weren't going to get any homework done any time
soon.
***** Chapter 3 *****
-Jensen-
The Back to School dance was on Jared and Jensen's ninteenth day anniversary.
Not that he was keeping track of the days or anything. Despite joking around
about spending the night completely alone and in their nice suits, the boys
were meeting up with their friends for dinner before heading off to the gym for
what was sure to be an entertaining evening.
Jensen was nearly buzzing with excitement as he paced around his room, waiting
for Jared to pick him up. They hadn't really gone on any sort of official date
since getting together. Sure, they were together with their friends, they
didn't try to hide their relationship in any way, but this was something
different. This felt like a real date.
"So what time is Jared picking you up?" Mackenzie asked from the doorway,
leaning against the wood with one of those knowing smiles.
She was barely thirteen but sometimes Jensen felt like she was wise beyond her
years. Like now, when there was so much more being said behind her simple
question. "He should be here soon. We're meeting up with the group at the
restaurant."
"Right. So you know mom and dad are totally gonna freak when they find out
about you two right?" Despite the glint of excitement in her words - having
something to hold over her brother's head, she had to love that - Mackenzie
kept her question quiet and slid further into the room.
Jensen's brows pulled together and he turned back to the mirror, ignoring that
familiar sinking in his chest. He did know that his parents were going to freak
out but he'd kind of been hoping he was being paranoid. Like maybe, they'd
suddenly embrace their gay son and his lifelong best friend-turned-boyfriend
despite all their religious beliefs.
"But he's worth it," Mackenzie murmured and she was closer now, leaning into
Jensen's side and laying her head on his shoulder. "He makes you so happy, Jen;
I can see it all over your face. And so, no matter how much they freak and
stuff, you'll hold on to him right?"
Of that, Jensen was absolutely certain. No one was more important than Jared
was, and no one would ever make him as happy. His arm slid around Mackenzie and
he turned to press a kiss to her temple. "Absolutely. I can't imagine anyone
better."
"There's my favorite girl." Jared all but glided into the room, a wide grin on
his lips. "Come give me a hug."
Mackenzie blushed and Jensen didn't blame her. It was hard not to feel the
little rush of a thrill when Jared turned all his attention on you like that.
Especially when Jared was looking so damn gorgeous in his crisp suit, hair
slicked back, long lean body outlined and framed in the best of ways. Mackenzie
crossed the room and stepped into Jared's embrace and Jensen scoffed in pretend
annoyance.
"Oh I see who you really love," Jensen muttered and turned away. "Might as well
go to the dance by myself."
"Come on baby, you know who my heart really belongs to." Jared smirked and did
that little glide again, pulling Jensen into his arms.
Even though his eyes flickered over to the doorway - just in case his parents
were there watching - Jensen let their lips brush softly together. Jared was
worth the risks.
-Jared-
Jared paused mid-crunch, his spoon still hovering near his mouth as he turned
his gaze to the bag that had just been dropped unceremoniously on the kitchen
table, then up to his Mama who was walking to the fridge. It wasn't all that
unusual for Mama to provide him random gifts - sometimes she felt guilty about
working so many overnight shifts and though Jared had insisted it was alright,
she still tried to butter him up - but usually the gifts came in something a
little more flashy than a drugstore shopping bag.
Swallowing the soggy lump of Lucky Charms, Jared slowly set his spoon back in
the bowl and reached out for the bag. "Alright... candy stash? I have been
running--" Jared cut off with a strangled inhale as he opened the bag and
spotted the bottle inside.
A big box of condoms and a brand new bottle of lube.
"Shit," Jared exhaled around his choked cough, ducking his head down to hide
the way his face flushed brightly. "Mama!"
“Now look Jared, I may be your Mama but I'm not so old that I don't remember
what it was like being a teenager. You've got all these pent up desires and
urges and you and Jensen are bound to--"
"Whoa. Okay, okay. I really, really would rather not talk about Jensen and
my... pent up desires. God. I haven't even finished my breakfast." Jared
twisted the bag closed and pushed it away as if that could stop the churn of
thoughts rising up in him.
It was mortifying to think of Mama buying these things for them - condom and
lube, Jesus Christ - but the spark of warmth it curled in the pit of his
stomach was so much worse. The last things he needed were those so called pent
up desires and urges to take form, giving him mental images of exactly what
Jensen and he could do with those things, while trying to have any sort of
conversation with his Mama.
The woman just laughed and poured herself a glass of juice. "Okay baby, we
don't have to talk about it. But I want you two to be safe. I'm sure Jensen's
parents have had the same conversation with him."
That was enough to wipe away any particular desires. He kept his gaze pointedly
fixed away and tucked into his cereal once more, forcing the food down even if
he wasn't all that hungry anymore.
"Jared..." Mama sighed a little too knowingly, leaning against the counter and
considering Jared. "Do Jensen's parents know about you two?"
"Mama, you know how the Ackles are." Jared shrugged, looking up at Mama then
away again because it was safer. "We're still really new, Jensen and I. We've
decided it's better to just... keep it between a few people for now."
Jared kept his head ducked down but it didn't matter; a moment later Mama was
there and stroking his hair soothingly. "You boys may have a hard road ahead of
you. But you know I will always support and love you both, no matter what
happens."
"I know, Mama." Jared leaned into her caress, eager for the comfort it provided
him. He'd been worrying a little more than he'd admit about Jensen's parents
and the way they were going to react about them. "If it gets bad Mama... if
something happens to Jensen--"
"Nothing will happen to that boy. You know he's just as much my boy as you
are." Mama ducked down and kissed his forehead, smoothing his hair back one
final time before turning back to the kitchen.
Jared's heart warmed at Mama's words and he grinned around his next bite of
Lucky Charms. The grin stretched to something even wider when the sound of the
door opening echoed through the house. Jared lifted his bowl and drained the
rest of the milk and cereal, eyeing Jensen over the edge.
"Morning Mama, morning Jared." Jensen beamed at them both, carrying a drink
holder and offering a coffee to Mama then turning to bring Jared his. "How are
my two favorite people on this lovely day?"
"How many cups of coffee have you had already?" Jared considered his boyfriend
with a smirk, grasping his cup and sipping down the burning liquid.
"Oh, you know, a couple." Jensen laughed and shrugged, turning toward Mama as
she stepped in to kiss his cheek.
"Well, I for one love you all happy and cheery and providing me coffee. You two
have a good day at school." Mama dipped in to hug Jared once more, heading out
of the kitchen in the next moment.
Jared rose from the table and went to wash his bowl, wondering if they'd have
time to steal a few private moments before heading to school. Despite the
earlier incident with Mama and the present he hadn't been anticipating, he
couldn't resist the desire to get his hands all over his boyfriend.
"Hey what's- oh my fucking god," Jensen squeaked loudly, the plastic rustling
as Jensen looked in the bag.
Shit. Jared realized he really should have moved the bag. He spun around and
stared at his boyfriend, his eyes wide. "Mama thought we should have them. To
be safe, you know? I mean, in the future. Just, in case."
"Mama bought us... condoms. And lube. Holy fucking shit. That's- it's like-
good god." Jensen pressed his fingers over the flush on his cheeks, closing his
eyes and inhaling shakily.
Jared had to roll his lips together to keep from bursting into laughter. Okay,
he completely understood the freak out but Jensen always did tend to be on the
dramatic side. Striding across the kitchen, Jared sank to his knees in front of
his boyfriend, massaging his thighs and dipping in to kiss his lips softly.
"It's okay, that doesn't have to mean... we're still taking things at our pace,
okay? So if you're freaking out--"
"Mama bought us condoms, Jared!" Jensen looked up swiftly, a near hysterical
laugh falling from his lips. "I am not freaking out about us fucking because
duh, of course I want that, but the idea of Mama buying that for us. It's like,
she might as well have bought us a porno!"
Huffing a laugh, Jared sat back and shook his head, sliding fingers up through
his hair. "Actually, I'm pretty sure the porno would have been less
embarrassing."
Jensen continued to mutter quietly, shaking his head as he stood and they
gathered up their things for school. Jared hastily tucked the bag in a drawer -
he was pretty sure Jensen would freak out again if he took it to his room now -
and followed Jensen out of the house, a smirk growing on his lips.
"So, us fucking huh?" Jared bumped into Jensen's shoulder, tugging his keys
from his pocket. "That something you've been thinking about a lot?"
That sweet little flush crawled up Jensen's cheeks once more and Jared's
stomach churned with that pleasant burst of warmth and desire.
-Jensen-
A deep moan rose up Jensen's throat and he arched into the heat of Jared's
touch, closing his eyes as he squirmed impatiently. Over the last month, they
had plenty of pleasure filled moments and this was definitely no different,
though maybe a little more intense. They'd been building up to more, exploring
each other's bodies, learning the taste and feel and the best way to bring out
those moans.
Jensen was completely addicted to Jared more than he ever had been before and
he was fairly certain Jared felt exactly the same. Maybe they were just lucky;
having grown up together, they were already best friends. Transitioning from
that to a physical relationship was easy. And tonight they were home alone.
Jensen was tired of taking things slow.
"Jared," Jensen groaned and tugged on his boyfriend's hair, pulling him up from
the place he was settled between Jensen's legs. "Want more."
"More?" Jared pushed up, panting softly as his fingers traced the inside of
Jensen's thighs. "Like... what kind of more?"
"I want..." Jensen swallowed thickly and wet his lips, spreading his legs just
a little wider. He wasn't really nervous, he trusted Jared, but this was the
final step for them. Jensen would be giving the last little bit of himself to
Jared now and he'd never get that back if something happened between them. "I
want you to fuck me."
Jared's eyebrows lifted at that, his fingers drawing to a stop. He considered
Jensen silently for a minute before slowly grinning. "Yeah? You sure?"
"Mostly definitely." Jensen nodded, squirming back to reach out and grab the
bottle of lube in the nightstand drawer. It brought a laugh to Jared's lips and
Jensen rolled his eyes. "Let's really not discuss it. I would much rather talk
about your fingers in me."
"Or we could not talk at all and I could just show you." Jared snatched up the
bottle and flicked the cap open.
Jensen had only circled his hole a few times out of curiosity. He'd kind of
always wanted Jared to be the first to slip a finger inside him. When it came,
Jensen was surprised by the stretch and flare of heat. It didn't really sting,
was more just something different, stretching him open in a way he'd never been
before.
"Oh god," Jensen gasped and dug his heels into the mattress, rocking his body
back onto Jared's finger working slowly in and out of him. "Jared, yes, god.
Want more. Need another."
"Jesus, Jen, didn't realize you'd be such a little whore for it." Jared groaned
softly, slowly inching a second finger in beside his first. "You have no
fucking clue how hot this is to watch."
Jensen could guess, judging from the way a flush crawled up Jared's cheeks and
the quickening of his breath. And it sure felt pretty hot, Jared's fingers
spreading apart within him, stretching the muscle in a way he'd never felt.
He'd thought about this, for longer than he could maybe even admit to, but it
had never been this perfect in his fantasies. Which was kind of shocking to
think about.
"Want you," Jensen moaned and squirmed on the bed, eager for more of that
stretch, that feel of connection between them.
By the time Jared was working a third finger into him, Jensen was pretty sure
he was going to come from this alone. In fact, he wasn't even sure how he'd
managed to last this long. But he didn't want to lose that control until Jared
was in him. It seemed more important than anything else so his grip on Jared's
hair tightened and he pulled hard, causing Jared to hiss softly.
"Come on Jared, no more waiting." Jensen's lips pursed into something a little
too close to a pout, hips shifting impatiently along the soft blanket beneath
him. "You now."
“Alright, alright, god you're needy." Jared smirked down at Jensen but pulled
his fingers free, shifting up to snag the bottle of lube once more. "How should
we? For our first time I mean."
“Just like this. I wanna see..." Jensen didn't think there was any extra blood
left in his body to fuel the flush crawling up his cheeks but he looked away
just in case. This meant so much to Jensen, he wasn't sure he could even
explain it all to Jared.
Apparently, he didn't have to. In the next moment, Jared was in movement,
lining himself up at Jensen's entrance and shifting into place above his body.
Their eyes met and Jensen's breath hitched, staring up at Jared as the nerves
kicked up and his heart clenched. Jensen swallowed thickly and reached out,
tracing his fingers down Jared's jaw.
"I love you so much," Jared whispered and dipped down to let their lips brush
gently together before he was moving forward.
It was strange at first, the feeling of Jared sinking into him. Full and thick,
spreading him wide with more warmth than he'd expected. Jensen bit down on his
bottom lip and held completely still, breathing slowly through his nose as
Jared sank completely down into him. The connection was overwhelming, even with
the stretch Jensen had never properly imagined.
"Holy fucking shit," Jared groaned and let their foreheads rest together. "This
is so... it's so... god Jen, too much."
"Feels good?" Dragging his tongue slowly over his lips Jensen tipped up just
slightly, wanting to adjust the feel of Jared in him, to see how amazing it
could be.
"So fucking good." In the next moment, Jared pulled out a few inches,
hesitating before rocking back in.
The stretch and burn weren't all that uncomfortable any more. Of course, having
Jared there over him, pressed so tightly his cock kept rubbing against Jared's
smooth abs, only adding to the overload of sensations. A low moan built in
Jensen as Jared's pace increased, growing with more confidence. Once more
Jensen was squirming on the bed, shifting until he could lift his legs and wrap
them around Jared's thin frame, pulling him in even deeper.
Their lips crushed together in a hard kiss as Jared pulled back and thrust hard
forward, working their bodies together in hard thrusts. When their angle
changed Jared's next thrust landed right up against that pleasure spot in
Jensen and he moaned loudly into the kiss, the noise instantly swallowed up by
Jared.
Jensen lost track of time, the world fading away as Jared fucked into him
steadily. He couldn't catch his breath, vision blurring until he had no choice
but to pull back from the kiss, sucking in deep desperate lungsful of air.
Jensen's fingers had found their way to Jared's hair once more, tugging at the
silky locks, hips constantly rocking up to meet each thrust deep into him.
"Jensen, Jen, m'gonna, I gotta," Jared gasped into his mouth, lips sliding down
along Jensen's neck. "C'mon, come with me. Fuck."
"God. Yes, Jared." Jensen arched up liked Jared's words were warm fingers
stroking steadily over his cock. The next handful of thrusts hit right up
against that spot over and over and Jensen couldn't hold on any longer.
His toes curled as the burst of his release swelled through him, making his
skin tingle and his eyes squeezing shut. The call of Jared's name left his lips
- loud enough he was grateful for the fact that Jared's house was empty -
echoed around them and his fingers dug hard into Jared's scalp, holding on like
it was the only thing grounding him.
Jensen was so caught up in his release he didn't even realize Jared had hit his
own peak until the boy was collapsing on his chest, body heaving with deep
breaths. Jensen squirmed against heavy weight pressing down on him, a faint
smile twitching across his lips. His fingers stroked slowly through Jared's
hair, the touch soothing and soft.
It was perfect to relax in the pleasure of the moment, savoring everything that
had just passed between them. They would never been the same after this moment,
more connected then any two people could ever be. The smile on Jensen's lips
grew and his heart swelled in the absolute best ways.
Until, of course, Jared abruptly tensed above him and slowly pushed up and
pulled back, slipping free of Jensen's throbbing hole. "Shit. I totally fucking
forgot."
"What?" Jensen frowned, turning to follow as Jared flopped to the side of the
bed, his hand dropped over his still flushed face. "Forgot what?"
"A condom," Jared groaned and dragged his hand down, peering at Jensen over his
fingers. "Was too caught up in the moment... didn't even think about it."
Jensen rolled his lips together, remembering just why those condoms were bought
in the first place. Be safe. Well, they were. It wasn't like they were out
fooling around with every kid in their school. "It was both our first times,
we're both clean, why should it really matter?"
"What if you get pregnant?" Jared pushed up onto his elbows, considering Jensen
with arched brows.
"We don't even know if I can. I mean, no matter what the studies might say it's
not like every guy who has unprotected sex gets pregnant, or even girls for
that matter. What is the likelihood I would actually get pregnant on our very
first time? We'll use one next time, until I can get on the pill or something."
Jensen shrugged and dropped back on the bed.
Maybe he shouldn't be dismissing it so easily; he supposed the possibility
really was out there that he could get pregnant, but it didn't seem all that
likely. They'd be safe in the future and Jensen would never regret feeling skin
on skin for their very first time.
"Okay well... if you're not worried then I guess I won't either." Jared settled
back on the bed, snuggling up against Jensen's side and gently kissing his
shoulder. "It was pretty damn amazing."
"Yeah. It definitely was."
-Jared-
Chad and Danneel were singing along to the radio - badly, off key and too loud
- and in the rear view mirror Jared could see Sandy and Chris talking in quiet
whispers, pressed closely side by side. Jared's eyebrows arched and he turned
to glance over at Jensen, wondering what his boyfriend thought of their
friend's interactions. Only his boyfriend wasn't looking his way.
"Jen? You okay?" Jared reached out and squeezed Jensen's thigh, rubbing softly
over the smooth cotton of costume pants. The boy had been pretty quiet so far
tonight, but with the excited buzz of the rest of the group, Jared hadn't
really thought about it. Now that he did, it was impossible to miss the way
Jensen's smile wasn't as full and bright as it usually was. "What's up?"
"Just not feeling so good." Jensen shrugged, turning toward Jared and letting
their fingers thread together. "Kinda feel queasy."
"Were you getting into Mama's candy stash Jensen? You're supposed to wait until
after the Haunted House." Danneel leaned forward, dropping her elbows on the
seats to peer at them. "No throwing up on the actor's."
Jared watched out of the corner of his eye - gaze flickering between the road
and his boyfriend - as Jensen's lips twitched in a faint smile. "I'm not going
to throw up on anyone. I don't know, maybe I just have that bug going around or
something."
“What bug going around?" Sandy finally pulled her attention from Chris, inching
forward to squeezing in beside Danneel. "You can't be sick Jensen, it's
Halloween! We'd just look stupid without a Scooby."
At that, a full smile pulled at Jared's lips. Every year their Halloween
costumes somehow fit together. Like the year they were all Power Rangers. Or
the year they'd all dressed as Nintendo characters. One of Jared's favorites
had been the year they were all Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with Danneel as
April O'Neil.
This year, after much debate, they'd decided to go as Scooby-Doo and crew.
Jensen was Scooby-Doo, completely with dog ears and brown paint artfully
decorating his features courtesy of the girls. Jared was Shaggy - which made
sense in a perverted way - Danneel was Daphne, Sandy was Thelma, and Chad was
Fred. Chris, who always tended to complain about their costume choices and
generally hated dressing up, was a man in the disguise of a monster. They had
to have someone to be investigating after all.
Jensen laughed softly and reached out to pat Sandy's hand. "I'll be fine I
promise. And if I have to bail, we'll just make Chris take over the Scooby
costume."
"As if," Chris grunted and slumped hard back in the seat.
The conversation drifted on to other things now that the girls were convinced
that Jensen wasn't going to leave them hanging Scooby-less. But Jared's gaze
kept drifting over to his boyfriend, trying not to show concern. The paint
covering his features made it impossible to decipher how his boyfriend might be
feeling and Jared found that strangely unsettling. After all, he'd spent the
last almost two months learning Jensen in a completely different way and he'd
come to rely on that.
"Jay, I'm fine, I swear." Jensen murmured as if he were reading Jared's mind.
Maybe he'd spent all this time learning Jared just as well. "'Sides, it's not
like you'd let anything happen to me no matter what right?"
"Of course, I wouldn't. But, you'll let me know right? If you need to sit down
or need some water or want me to take you home, whatever you need." Jared's
grin grew as he glanced to the side once more and saw the soft glow behind
Jensen's bright eyes.
Jensen leaned across the seat and pressed his lips to Jared's shoulder; neither
really caring if any of the face paint smeared on Jared's green shirt. "You're
the best. Now hurry up and get us there, I can't handle any more of their off
pitch whaling."
"Fuck you! We're amazing. We should start a band!" Chad hollered and the car
filled with laughter even as Jared's foot pressed just a little harder on the
pedal.
-Jensen-
Whatever flu bug Jensen picked up, he was officially over it. His entire body
was aching and he found himself suddenly queasy at the most inconvenient times
- like yesterday, in the middle of kissing a path down Jared's body to his
eagerly waiting rock hard cock. Jensen had just barely made it to the bathroom
when his stomach suddenly churned. And that had effectively killed the mood.
Now he was staring down at his dinner, swallowing the rising taste of bile. It
had been bad enough the week before when he couldn't even keep down some of his
favorite Halloween candies - and throwing up Skittles was one of the worst
things he'd ever experienced - but to miss out on his mom's lasagna because he
couldn't even handle the smell? That fucking sucked.
"Jensen, still not feeling well?" Dad asked around a mouthful of cheese and
meat.
Jensen glanced up long enough to watch the mushy mess appear for just a moment
in his dad's mouth before he quickly looked away and shook his head. "No, not
really. Feels like I'll never shake whatever it is I've caught."
Maybe you're pregnant," Mackenzie mumbled, almost instantly snorting on a
laugh.
"Mack, knock it off, that's not even funny." Mom huffed like the very idea
offended her delicate sensibilities.
Jensen, however, suddenly couldn't swallow around the lump in his throat. For
some reason the thought hadn't even crossed his mind as a possibility though it
probably should have. Because there was that first time, his and Jared's, and
the protection they hadn't used. Ever since then they'd been safe but they'd
learned about this in Health class not all that long ago. All it took was one
time.
The unexplained illness of the last week and a half suddenly didn't seem all
that unexplained. Weren't these all the signs of pregnancy? Queasiness, aching
body, heightened senses.
"Oh, my god," Jensen whispered and pushed back from the table, clamping his
hand hard over his mouth and rushing down the hall. He barely made it to the
bathroom in time.
By the time he'd managed to stop dry heaving, there were tears in his eyes and
Jensen practically collapsed back on the bathroom floor. He was so fucked, so
beyond fucked it wasn't even funny. How could he be so stupid as to think one
time wouldn't matter in the long run? Jensen had known better.
"Jensen?" Mom stepped slowly into the room, her brows pulled together in that
way she got whenever he was about to be in trouble. "Something you want to tell
us?"
His gaze drifted over to his dad - whose face was all red and shit - before
dropping to the ground. He didn't want to have this conversation now, not
before he'd even had the chance to talk to Jared about everything. His
boyfriend needed to know, to understand before, because Jensen was pretty sure
his parents weren't above doing something really, really bad.
What if they shipped him off somewhere? Some private school for young knocked
up gay boys where they could have their babies and be taught not to be gay all
at the same time? Did places like that exist?
"Jesus Christ it's true," Dad spat, clearly losing out on his anger. "How the
fuck did you let this happen? What the hell were you thinking?"
"Alan, calm down, let's just... come on Jensen, get up, let's go talk about
this in the living room. I'll get you some Sprite and saltine crackers." Mom
stooped down to helped Jensen up, guiding him down the hallway with enough
comfort to soothe Jensen some.
Maybe they wouldn't ship him off after all.
By the time he'd settled on the couch with the Sprite and crackers, his dad's
face wasn't nearly as red and his parents seemed a little less angry. That was
promising and Jensen nibbled almost gratefully on his crackers. Of course, it
was too good to last.
"Does Jared know?"
Jensen almost choked on his Sprite. He coughed a few times then slowly shook
his head, fingers gripping his cup tightly. "I um, actually didn't really
figure it out until a few minutes ago. Just thought I was sick."
“I see. Well, we'll have to discuss this with Sherri." Mom sighed and rubbed
along her arm slowly. "We'll need Jared's cooperation to put the baby up for
adoption."
This night felt like one blow after another. Jensen's mind was still reeling
over the whole being pregnant thing. There was a baby growing in him, his and
Jared's baby, and apparently his parents seemed to think there was no option
but to give it away. "Adoption? What if I want to keep it? The baby. What if
Jared and I decided to keep the baby?"
That red anger was crawling across Dad's cheeks again, and Jensen flinched like
the man might reach out and smack him. He was pretty sure the man wouldn't, but
still. "You're not going to keep the baby. Jesus, Jensen you're seventeen years
old. You haven't even finished high school. You weren't even smart enough to
use protection and you've been lying to your mother and me. What about any of
that makes you think you're qualified to have a child?"
Jensen wanted to protest the whole lying thing and being qualified - this child
was his and Jared's, he'd give him or her anything they needed - but he could
tell arguments would only get him so far. He needed some time to accept
everything. "How did you know? About Jared and me, I mean?"
"You two have always spent so much time together and I know Sherri leaves you
alone quite often. It was just a matter of time before you two started...
experimenting with each other." Mom shifted uncomfortably.
The fact that his parents seemed to think the thing between him and Jared was
simply experimenting caused all those arguments to rise up in Jensen once more,
and this time he lost out on them. "We're not experimenting! We're... we're in
a relationship, we have been for over two months. I love him, I'm in love with
him and this baby is a product of that. I don't think I can just dismiss all of
that."
"Jensen, you're seventeen," Dad drew out the word like he hadn't used it as his
rationale just a few minutes before. "You don't even know what love really is
and you certainly don't know the responsibility it takes to have a child. What
about college? What about your dreams of having a career? Are you ready to just
give that all up?"
"Honey," Mom tried for a softer tone, glancing warily at Alan then back at
Jensen with a sympathetic smile. "We're not saying that you and Jared can't be
in love... you've known each other a long time and it's understandable. But
there is no reason you boys need to throw away your future like this. Think of
all the freedom you'd be giving up."
Putting it that way, Jensen could understand his parent's points. They would be
giving up all their freedom, their futures would definitely be put on hold, and
what if something happened with the baby that caused him and Jared to fall
apart? Jensen couldn't handle the idea of anything damaging their relationship.
Still... someone else raising their baby? A baby created out of love and trust
and a lifelong friendship?
"I just think maybe we could handle it, Jared and I. This is... I'm about a
month along I guess. Which means by the time the baby is born we'll both have
graduated, I'll be over eighteen. Jared and I could get a place, we could make
it work." Jensen twisted his fingers slowly around the cup of Sprite, trying
not to think about all the possibilities.
"You're not keeping this baby Jensen and that's final." Mom finally sounded as
upset as Jensen knew she was. "As long as you live here, as long as you're
still our child, we're not letting you keep this baby."
There was some kind of threat under laced with the words; Jensen's heart sank
and his stomach churned in a way that had nothing to do with the new life
growing in him.
"Now, get your shoes and coat. We're going over to the Padaleckis. The sooner
we get this business taken care of the better." Mom and Dad stood at once, the
figurative door on the conversation closing.
Jensen forced himself up and to his room, tugging his phone from his pocket.
This wasn't the type of conversation he wanted to have with his parents right
there too; it was something he and Jared should discuss in private. But
apparently his decision in that matter was being taken away as well.
Jensen: coming over with the parents. brace urself.
"Jensen! Let's go!"
Tugging his coat on slowly Jensen closed his eyes and let his fingers flutter
briefly over his temporarily flat stomach. Soon it would be full and round,
housing a child he would never get to know.
-Jared-
When the text had popped up Jared's brows had furrowed but a smile had lifted
his lips. The idea of seeing Jensen was worth whatever drama might come as a
result of it. Of course, there was no real way of anticipating what exactly
that might be.
"Oh, hello Donna, Alan, it's nice to see you." Mama was grinning, polite and
sweet like she always was. Jared wasn't entirely sure if Mama really liked
Jensen's parents but she always treated them pretty well.
Sometimes it was a little challenging to think nicely of the Ackles.
"Sherri, it has been a while. Unfortunately, we're not here with very good
news. May we sit please?" Donna clutched tightly to her purse, heading to the
couch without waiting for an answer.
Jensen kept his head down as he followed and Jared felt the first initial twist
in his gut, the worry that things were about to get a lot more complicated.
"Is everything okay?" Mama asked, taking the loveseat beside Jared. As he
settled onto the cushion, Jared kept his eyes on Jensen, trying to mentally
communicate with his boyfriend. It wasn't working all that well.
"Not really, no. Are you aware that our sons are having a sex - a
relationship?" Alan snapped, his voice sharper than Jared had ever heard it. It
was enough to make Jared straighten up a little, looking from Jensen to Alan
with wide eyes. He knew the man didn't really approve of gay people but he
really hadn't thought it would be that big of a deal.
Mama obviously thought the same thing, her body growing tense next to Jared's.
"I am aware, yes. Our boys are in love, that's more than just a physical
relationship."
"That's really not the point here." Donna frowned and shook her head, gaze
lingering on Jared for just a moment before fixing straight on Mama. "Jensen is
pregnant."
All the air was sucked out of the room so fast Jared was a little worried he
might black out. Pregnant. Holy fucking shit. "Excuse me?" He managed to gasp
out after an extended stretch of silence.
"Jared I just found-"
"Not now Jensen," Donna snapped, glaring at Jensen for just a moment then
clearing her throat. "Obviously Jensen won't be keeping the baby but I thought
it was important you be made aware exactly what was happening in your house."
"Are you implying I don't look after the boys?" Mama was fuming now, Jared
shifted away just in case the woman exploded like he worried she might. "I have
had several conversations with them and I explained just how important
protection is, I even provided them with that protection to use."
"You gave them condoms? Fuck, like it wasn't enough you leave them all alone,
let them sleep in the same room?" Alan looked just about pissed as Mama but
Jared wasn't nearly as worried about him.
No one could win in a fight against Mama, especially when she was passionate
about something. And holy shit, Jensen and he were going to have a baby. They
were going to be parents. Except...
"What do you mean Jensen's not keeping the baby?" Jared spoke up before Mama
could flare at the accusations. For the first time since the announcement,
Jared caught Jensen's gaze. His boyfriend looked crushed, his eyes red and his
skin pale.
Suddenly Jared had no idea how they hadn't figured it out before. They should
have realized just what had made Jensen so sick. Jared was desperate to get
Jensen alone, to ask how he felt about everything, and to let him know how this
didn't change anything. Jared knew it would be hard but he wanted Jensen,
including their baby, and they would make an absolutely perfect family.
"Jared, you're both seventeen. I'm sure your mother will explain how there is
no way you are responsible enough to handle a child." Donna nodded knowingly
and Jared could tell this fight was about to get even worse.
"I was seventeen when I had Jared and I was a single mother whose parents
didn't think she was responsible enough." Mama nearly growled the words, her
gaze narrowing on Donna.
"Well, then, I'm sure you can understand why we wouldn't want that for our son.
Regardless, this topic is not up for discussion. Jensen is our son and we've
decided not to allow him to keep the baby. We've also decided it would be for
the best if Jensen and Jared not spend time together any longer."
"What?" Jensen and Jared screeched the words at practically the same time,
Jared pushing up to stand. "No! That's crazy! You can't stop us from seeing
each other."
"It really is for the best. Besides, it won't matter much longer. We're going
to find a place for Jensen to finish his schooling and have the baby before
it's given up for adoption. They make schools for these sorts of
complications." Donna stood as well, Alan following her lead. "Sherri, I hope
you will do the right thing and support our decision as Jensen's parents in
this matter. And maybe in the future you should keep a better eye on your son."
With that, they practically swept out of the house, dragging Jensen by the arm
no matter how much Jensen twisted and tried to pull away.
Jared dropped heavy back on the couch, shock making his heart lurch
unpleasantly. He felt like he'd been punched in the gut; his eyes teared up,
his stomach churning with a sickening clench.
"Mama..." he whispered, sucking in a sharp breath.
"It's okay baby. We'll figure it out. We'll... we'll figure out how to make it
work." Mama curled an arm around Jared, tugging him in close and pressing a
kiss to his temple.
***** Chapter 4 *****
-Jensen-
The shocked silence was almost familiar by this point and Jensen closed his
eyes because he really wasn't sure he could handle another explosion. Between
his parents, the horrible fight at Jared's house, and the stern lectures he'd
been hearing almost constantly since the news had broken the weekend before. It
was Jensen's first day back - and maybe one of his last there with his friends,
and Jared who he hadn't spoken to in days - and the tension between the group
was thick.
Jared wasn't even looking at him as they sat around the lunch table, head
ducked down, shoulders hunched. For some reason Jensen had thought they'd be
okay when he finally got the chance to talk with his boyfriend but he hadn't
been able to get the boy alone since he stepped onto the school ground.
Now things were about to get crazy all over again and Jensen pressed his palm
flat to his stomach - an action that was more and more common lately - hoping
he wouldn't get sick before learning whether his friends hated him or not. God
he couldn't handle losing his friends on top of everything, Jensen wasn't even
sure how he was still hanging on.
"Wow..." Danneel finally breathed after the group had taken several long
minutes to let the confession sink it.
I'm pregnant. It certainly wasn't any easier to say.
"What are you guys going to do?" Sandy asked quietly and Jensen glanced up long
enough to see Chris' arm wrap around the girl's shoulder.
It made him smile and for just a moment, he felt warmed, like there was really
hope for this entire horrible situation if Chris had somehow realized he and
Sandy were meant to be. Maybe he and Jared could come up with some way to have
their baby and not destroy everything else in the process.
"Jensen doesn't want to keep the baby," Jared spat and well, maybe Jensen's
thoughts had really just been wishful thinking.
Tears pricked along his eyelids - damn his emotions were crazy lately - and he
slowly fixed his gaze on his boyfriend, heart sinking. "Jared..."
"You didn't even fight for it Jensen! Your parents are just going to send you
away, they'll make you give the baby up and they won't let you see me. And
you're just letting them do all of that! You don't even care." Jared slammed
his palm hard on the tabletop, the noise echoing in the wake of his outburst.
Out of the corner of his eye, Jensen could see the shock on their friends'
faces and he wondered briefly if they were struggling to adjust to the blows
just as Jensen himself was. "Do you honestly think that's how I feel?"
"Why would you just not call? God, I saw you that day Jensen, you were sad but
determined. You'd already made up your mind!" Jared pressed both hands flat on
the table this time and pushed up to his feet, storming off before the group
could even catch up with what was happening.
Jensen felt that wave of sickness of all over again and bile crawled up his
throat, tears burning sharper along his eyes. In the next beat, Jensen was up
and moving, running without even thinking about it. He could vaguely hear the
sound of someone calling his name but he needed to get as far away as possible
before he lost whatever food he managed to stomach so far that day.
"Oh, Jen..." Danneel sighed softly, stooping down beside Jensen where he'd
finally collapsed in the grass of the football field. She rubbed his back
soothingly as he choked on vomit and tears, the worst kind of mixture. "It's
going to be okay. It will, somehow. And it's okay, to not want the baby,
there's nothing wrong with that."
“But I do!" Jensen snapped and sat back, wiping at his mouth with the back of
his mouth. "Fuck Dani, I want the baby and I want Jared. My parents just-
they'll disown me, they'll kick me out and I'll live on the damn streets if I
decide to keep it. They took my cell phone and they keep me confined to my
room. Fuck, they're going to send me to a private school for knocked up kids to
keep me from being with Jared."
"Holy shit," Danneel blinked, glancing up as Chad, Chris, and Sandy gathered
and knelt around them.
There was a scowl bigger than any Jensen had ever seen on Chris' face and his
face was flushed red with anger. "You will not live on the streets. You will
come and stay in my room before that happens."
"Or mine," Chad added and both Sandy and Danneel nodded quickly.
A faint smile tugged at Jensen's lips and he fell forward, pulling them in for
a group hug. "I want to stay with Jared honestly, no offense."
"Yeah well, once he gets his head out of his ass." Chris sighed, shaking his
head. "Want me to kick some sense into him? Or, I could just kick your parents.
Please let me beat them up."
"Pretty sure that won't solve anything." Jensen sniffed as he sat back, wiping
at the tears under his eyes. "I need to really stand up to them, don't I? I
need to just... take the risk because Jared, and the baby, it's worth it?"
The idea terrified him - Jensen had never been the type to stand up to his
parents, he'd never really gotten into trouble like this before - but there was
a slow determination building in him. When he looked up, his friends looked
solemn but just as determined, nodding and reaching out to take his hand, touch
his arm.
"We'll stick with you and support you and Jared. No matter what happens okay?"
Sandy looped her arm around Jensen's shoulder, squeezing him close. "I promise
you boys will get your happily ever after."
Jensen turned into the hug and dropped his voice to a low murmur. "Like you and
Chris?"
When Sandy pulled back, there was a brilliant grin on her lips and that was
enough hope to keep Jensen going.
 
-Jared-
It was hard to stay angry at Jensen, even when it felt like his heart was
breaking and like he might never be able to feel whole again. Jared missed
everything about his boyfriend, his best friend, the boy carrying the child he
would never get the chance to meet. The only way Jared could handle anything
was by avoiding Jensen - and consequently their friends - and try to keep from
bursting into spontaneous tears.
But it had somehow worked. Jared had held on, and he had never been more ready
for a holiday break. Thanksgiving was usually a pretty quiet time at their
house - just him and Mama and Jensen there to share in the leftovers. The
Holiday breaks also usually meant loads of time hanging out, relaxing, with
Jensen.
Jared felt the lack of his presence like the hole that had been growing in his
heart.
"Jared, are you going to be okay?" Mama asked a couple of days into the break.
A week off school, Jared should be lounging around in his sweats with bowls of
ice cream and bags of chips, drinking soda and watching horror movies.
But Jared couldn't seem to do any of that without Jensen there, and even the
thought of a Thanksgiving feast the next day wasn't enough to cheer him up. "I
don't know Mama. This is... it's worse than just losing Jensen. There's this
life growing inside the man I'm in love with, and that baby is a part of me and
I will never get to know him or her. It's not fair and I don't know how to get
past that."
"I know right now it seems hopeless Jared, and I'm sure it feels like your
heart is breaking, but don't give up yet okay? There's still time for things to
change." Mama stepped closer, brushing her fingers soothingly through his hair.
"Now, wipe off that frown and come help me peel some potatoes for tomorrow."
Jared found himself smiling despite the ache in his chest and he followed Mama
willingly into the kitchen. They chatted about safe and normal topics -
classes, work, upcoming movies they wanted to see - while peeling potatoes and
apples and getting things ready for the feast Mama always made on Thanksgiving.
No matter how few people she had to cook for, she always seemed to go above and
beyond.
It was easy to relax and not feel so overwhelmingly crushed with Mama around
and Jared found himself finally enjoying break. He was mid-laugh when the
doorbell rang and his actions hesitated, brows lifted.
"My hands are covered in flour honey; go see who that is." Mama turned to the
sink and Jared wiped his own hands on a dishrag as he headed for the front
door.
Maybe it shouldn't have been that big of a surprise to see Jensen standing on
the other side of the door, but for some reason it hit him like a slap to the
face. It had only been about a week and a half since he'd learned about the
pregnancy but it felt like an entire lifetime. Their whole relationship felt
like that, as if they'd gotten onto some crazy roller coaster and somehow crash
collided here.
Jared wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to slam the door in Jensen's face or
step forward and pull him close. In the end, that building desperation sparked
through Jared and there was really no choice but to follow his gut. Reaching
out, Jared snagged Jensen's collar and tugged him in, holding him close like
he'd been longing to from the moment he'd learned about the baby.
A harsh sob shook between them, Jensen clutching to him tighter than he ever
had, and Jared struggled to pull the boy inside. He had no idea why Jensen was
here - maybe something had happened to the baby, the thought alone made him
sick - but in the end no matter how upset he was with Jensen, he would never
turn the boy away.
"Jared, help him sit down, I'll get some water," Mama's voice was soothing the
part of Jared that was pretty close to a freak out.
It took a few minutes to get Jensen situated on the couch, tucked against his
side and clinging to his shirt even as sipped from the water Mama had pressed
into his palm. Every time Jensen hiccupped on a sob Jared's grip tightened, his
heart still beating a little too quick.
"Jen?" He finally murmured when his curiosity got the best of him. "What
happened? Are you okay? Is the baby...?"
"I'm okay, we are, the baby and me." Jensen sat back and met Jared's eyes,
probably realizing what Jared did at the same moment. They'd never really
discussed the baby. Jensen had let his parents rant about it and Jared had
yelled about it at school the week before but this wasn't really those things.
Jared wasn't sure what to make of it and he hesitated just a moment before
reaching out, gently brushing his fingers over Jared's flat stomach. "What's
going on?"
"I want to keep the baby." Jensen exhaled the words in a rush, his gaze
dropping as he caught Jared's fingers beneath his own, pressing them flush to
his stomach. "I don't want to give the baby away, or go to some stupid school,
or not even talk to you. God more than anything I want that but I don't know
what will happen when I tell my parents and I don't think I can go through that
alone."
This time the way Jared's heart was racing felt heady and thick, quick thumps
against his ribcage that had his palms sweating and his lips parting. It was
the best thing he'd ever heard, knowing Jensen wanted to keep their baby, and
even the worry of how the Ackles might react couldn't shake that. He didn't
know how to respond outside pulling Jensen in again, holding him tight and
pressing a kiss firmly to his lips.
"We'll help you Jensen," Mama murmured a few minutes later and Jared pulled
back from the almost desperate kiss, hearing the sniffles in her words. "We'll
go to your parents together and explain how you feel and how you aren't backing
down from that. If they accept it then great, you can stay with them. If they
don't... if they still want you to go... then you'll come live here with us."
Jared's gaze snapped from Jensen to Mama, his eyes wide as he sat back and
tried to figure out if she was serious. "Really? Mama? You'd let him stay here
with me? With us?"
“Jared, honestly, you know Jensen is like my second boy. And that's my
grandbaby he's carrying, there's no way I'm letting him spend even a single
night on the street." Mama beamed at them both, pushing up to stand a moment
later. "I really do hope they'll come around though Jensen. I know that this...
it's going to be hard. But you'll never have to be alone, I promise you."
"Do we have to go now?" Jensen clutched Jared's hand in his, reaching out to
set the glass down on the coffee table as they stood.
Mama looked sadly at Jensen, and Jared tried to hold him just a little closer
like he could keep his boyfriend from the crap that was likely to follow.
"Probably best to get it over with, before your parents can go through with
finding a school for you. They need to understand how serious you are about
this decision."
"I'm scared," Jensen whispered, turning in to speak against Jared's shoulder.
It was horrible of Jared but a part of him kind of hoped Jensen's parents
freaked out. He wanted Jensen with him all the time. He wanted to be there to
brush fingers through Jensen's hair while he struggled with morning sickness.
He wanted to measure the way his stomach grew and feel the baby kick. He wanted
them and that was the only thing that seemed to matter.
-Jensen-
By the time they pulled up to his street Jensen was sure he was going to be
sick again. His fingers clasped tightly to Jared's, his stomach churning and
his heart racing. There was no doubt in his mind that he was making the right
decision but he was pretty sure no matter how much Mama hoped, there was no way
this was going to play out well for his family.
"I'm going to let you do the talking, Jensen," Mama said soft and gentle as
they pulled into the driveway in front of his house. "But if you feel like you
need an extra hand, someone to explain things from a different perspective, you
just let me know."
Jensen would much rather have Mama do all the talking but he knew in the end it
had to come from him. He'd let his parents speak for him all his life; for once
he needed to do what he felt was best, and that meant no longer hiding his
relationship and choosing to keep the child he already loved in ways he
couldn't even explain.
He'd snuck out before, needing to get to Jared because of the all too real
threat of his impending future at a boarding school for knocked up teenagers.
Life this last week and a half without Jared was hard enough. So, he'd left
without his parents knowing and apparently his absence had been noted since.
Both his parents were there now, standing in the living room and watching with
narrowed eyes and arms folded across their chests. Jensen had a hard time
getting himself to step forward, even with Jared's arm curled around his waist
and Mama's hand resting on his shoulder.
"What is this, Jensen?" His mom asked, her voice tense and her gaze fixed
completely on him. "What do you think you're doing?"
"We grounded you to your room for a reason! How could you go against that?" His
dad's face was redder than Jensen had ever seen it; the flush of anger so
intense Jensen had to step back and press up against Jared's side.
On the other side of him Mama inhaled, obviously ready to fight on his behalf,
but something about the way Jared reassuringly squeezed him sent a burst of
confidence through him. He had to fight this battle on his own, for himself, to
prove he was making the right decision. He was mature and strong enough to
handle this conversation - mature and strong enough to be a parent.
"I want to keep the baby," Jensen said quietly, listening as his mom inhaled,
before tensing his shoulders and continuing. "I want to keep our baby. I want
us to be together and have a family. I realize I'm young but that doesn't mean
I can't have a future. I can go to school, Jared and I can work, we'll get a
place and we'll provide for our child."
Jensen risked a glance up, though that probably wasn't the wisest. His parent's
faces were expressionless, hard and cold and fixed on Jensen like he was
spewing out the most disgusting filth they'd ever heard. There was a lump in
his throat and Jensen didn't think he'd be able to continue but he somehow
found his voice.
"I would really like you to be part of our life. I would- I want you there, as
the grandparents for our child. It would mean the world to me." Tears were
streaming down his cheeks now and Jensen swallowed thickly and made himself
look up and face his parents. "But if you can't, that's okay. I won't force
you, but you can't force me to make the decision you want. Even if that means I
can't live here anymore."
"And where exactly do you think you'll go?" His mom finally snapped, spitting
the words like they were venom.
Jensen hadn't anticipated them reacting very well but this cold hatred was
something far harsher than expected. He wasn't entirely sure if it had to do
more with the fact that he was pregnant or the fact that he wasn't backing down
on the whole gay issue as they called it.
It was funny - in a crushing way - learning how two people who had raised you
could shove you away so easily. Jensen didn't think they'd come around and
actually let him stay but he hadn't thought he'd be turned out without any
argument on the matter either.
"If you don't want him staying here with you, then I am more than willing to
take Jensen in. We have a room for the baby, until Jared and Jensen get their
own place," Mama stepped in, taking over when Jensen really couldn't get any
other words out.
"Well, that's just great, isn't it?" Dad snapped, finally dropping his head
pose and spinning sharply away. "No money. You'll get fucking nothing from us,
you hear me? If you want to throw away your life, then you can do it without
us. We never want you in this house again."
With that, the man left the room, not even bothering to look over his shoulder.
Jensen's knees weakened and threatened to give, like the sight of his dad
leaving was a loss physical enough to draw out his strength. Jared supported
him easily though and Jensen had never been so grateful.
Especially when his mom stepped forward, tears glistening in her eyes. "I wish
you could understand what a bad choice you're making, wish you could see how
you're throwing your life away. Go pack your things."
Ironically, if it hadn't been for her words Jensen might not have felt strong
enough to head to his room and gather his things. But she was wrong, so wrong,
and Jensen knew then without a doubt that he was making the right choice. Being
with Jared, having their child, was not throwing his life away. Maybe it wasn't
the life he'd always imagined he'd have but it would still be amazing, with
Jared there at his side.
"I love you," Jared whispered as they headed down the hall to his room for
presumably the last time.
Jensen smiled over at his boyfriend and squeezed his hand. "I love you too."
-Jared-
There would never be anything that could compare to the first time Jared heard
their baby's heartbeat.
Honestly, Jared wasn't really sure how they'd managed to make it to this point.
The first couple of weeks Jared would constantly be searching Jensen out, only
to find the boy curled up under the blankets crying over the loss of his
family. He always held it together in front of their friends and Mama, but
Jared saw him at his worst.
He never thought Jensen would accept what had happened and move on, not even as
his pregnancy progressed and their first semester at school drew to a close.
Things shifted slightly as Christmas approached, the times between spontaneous
crying outbursts lengthened, and Jensen began counting down to their first
doctor's appointment.
It was easy to support Jensen; he loved the boy more than life itself, but he
was glad to think things might be getting better. After all, there wasn't much
he could say to justify just how horrible Jensen's parents had been, especially
not when Jared was really just relieved and excited to have Jensen there with
him 24/7.
"Man, I will not miss morning sickness." Jensen twitched the hospital gown over
his thighs, kicking his legs along the side of the table and grinning at Jared.
"Bet you won't miss hearing me throw up in the bathroom each morning."
“I don't know - you're kind of adorable when you get all woobie." Jared shot a
smirk over at Jensen then turned back to the counter, poking at the pregnancy
display set up there. The plastic model shook under his touch and the little
baby fell out, clattering along the counter and causing a snort to fall from
Jensen.
"Comforting. You nervous?"
When Jared fumbled - and failed - to get the plastic baby back in place, he
turned and found Jensen holding a hand out toward him, soft smile on his lips.
Jared stepped in and took his boyfriend's hand, laying his free one over the
barely there swell of Jensen's stomach. "Excited mostly. I'm just... it's been
a long few weeks - learning about this and everything with your parents - I was
honestly worried we wouldn't get here. But I'm so glad we have."
"I knew we'd get here. It's saccharine, I know, but I think you and I will
always make it to that wonderful place." Jensen's smile was soft and warm,
pleasant enough to make Jared's heart swell in the absolutely best way.
Before he could respond, there was a knock on the door and their doctor came
in. Mama had wanted to be there - she practically begged for it - but he and
Jensen had decided this first official appointment was one best to have alone.
Sure, Jensen had gone in before and taken an official pregnancy test and
everything, but it really felt like this moment was going to change everything.
"Alright, you boys ready to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time?" The
doctor smiled at each of them as she crossed the room to Jensen.
And that first moment, hearing their baby's heartbeat for the first time, Jared
realized just how much his world really was going to change. There was a
brilliant smile on his boyfriend's face, a warm glow to his skin, and Jared's
chest ached in the best possible way.
"Don't suppose you could tell us what we're having yet?" Jensen asked the
doctor as the steady thump-thump of the heartbeat cut off.
The doctor laughed and waved her fingers over Jensen's stomach before he could
pull the gown back down. "If I had to guess, I'd say it's either a boy or a
girl."
Jared laughed as Jensen rolled his eyes, the smile on his face growing as Jared
caught his hand in a tight squeeze.
-Jensen-
"My feet look like balloons." Jensen frowned down at his feet, kicking them
together slowly and falling back on the grass with a sigh.
"Hey, think of it this way, at least spring came early this year; now you don't
have to try and stuff those balloons into tennis shoes anymore." Danneel
smirked and rolled toward him on the hill, picking at pieces of grass and
scattering them over the swell of Jensen's stomach.
There was no denying he was pregnant now. At almost twenty weeks, Jensen had
grown completely out of his jeans and tight t-shirts. He could still get away
with wearing Jared's sweats and baggy shirts but Mama had insisted, as an early
birthday present, that he pick out some maternity wear. His feet seemed to have
grown the biggest, though, and it was weird.
In a good way.
"And at least you can see your feet," Sandy offered, just about as helpful as
Danneel, and rolled in to help the other girl decorate his belly in grass.
"You two suck," Jensen sighed wearily, rolling his head to the side to watch
Chris tackle Jared into the field off in the distance. "Oh, baby's moving
around. You feel it?"
"No! I wanna feel!" Danneel quickly pressed her hand flat on the roundness of
his belly, Sandy's hand joining hers a moment later. "How strange... was that
it? Feels like it's not there."
"Ghost touches." Jensen closed his eyes, a dreamy smile on his lips. "That's
what Jared calls them. Baby likes playing with him."
He didn't even have to open his eyes to know both girls had that aww expression
on their face. They got it a lot lately. Like whenever Jared went out of his
way to carry Jensen's book or his lunch tray, or when he gave Jensen an extra
cookie - or apple, if he insisted on being better for the baby. And it was
sweet, so Jensen didn't blame them. Jared always knew how to take care of him.
He was amazing like that.
"We get to know what we're having soon right?" Sandy asked, tucking up against
Jensen's side, her head on his shoulder and hand resting on his belly.
The smile on Jensen's face grew and he wrapped his arms around Sandy and
Danneel, pulling both in close. "Yes. And then we'll decorate our baby's room
and get ready to bring baby home."
-Jared-
There was a steady tap, tap, tap as the heel of his shoe hit the linoleum floor
over and over. It was the only sound echoing inside the room outside his quick
breath and the gentle rustle of clothing. The silence would maybe be deafening
if Jared's thoughts weren't so busy racing around in his brain.
"If it's a boy can we name him Hamish?" Jensen asked in a quiet mumble and it
was the perfect distraction from Jared's potential freak out.
It wasn't like he didn't know they were going to have a baby - they were
halfway there - but it kept hitting him at random times. All the things they
needed, all the books that talked about handling the adjustment, all the
responsibilities and changes and planning. That on top of keeping up on
schoolwork and trying to land a job to help with their future and Jared was a
little unstable. Just a little.
So the joke - lord, Jared hoped it was a joke - was a welcome distraction. "And
if it's a girl?"
"Hmm. Rapunzel? Or maybe... Boo Boo." Jensen was relaxed back on the hospital
bed, fingers grazing over the swell of his belly, and he let his head fall to
the side to smirk at Jared. "We can call her Honey Boo Boo."
“Bite your tongue." Jared scrunched his face up before grinning at his
boyfriend, shifting closer to grasp the boy's hand. "Okay so I know you say
you'll be happy with either but tell me the truth, what do you really want? You
have to have a preference."
Jensen laughed and shook his head, squeezing Jared's hand tightly. "I really,
really don't. Believe me. A girl, well, she'd be our Princess. We'd spoil her
rotten, dress her up, and make her shine. A boy, he'd be just as much the
center of our world. You could teach him to toss a ball around; we could play
in the dirt. And we could dress him up just as much. So either way, I will be
perfectly happy."
Sometimes Jared didn't know how Jensen did it, remained so calm about something
so major. Mama suggested it had to do with reality being something constantly
pressing on Jensen. He had to accept the idea of being a parent from the moment
life began growing in him and Jared maybe wouldn't believe it was real until
the first time he held that brand new baby in his arms.
"Putting it that way, I can kind of see the benefits to either." Jared tried
not to hope for one or the other but he was leaning toward a boy. Mostly
because he wasn't sure he would know how to take care of a girl, but he would
love the baby no matter what.
"Okay I'm here; I didn't miss anything did I?" Mama burst through the door in a
wave of balloons and that sweet flowery perfume she'd worn as far back as Jared
could remember.
Jared sat back and tilted his head at Mama, a smile twitching on his lips. "You
do realize this is just an ultrasound right? He's not actually having the baby
right now."
"Oh, hush you. This is just a good luck omen. I've got a dozen pink and a dozen
blue, whichever sex the baby is we let go into the sky, like wishing for a safe
and healthy delivery." Mama shifted the balloons and her purse, somehow
managing to juggle all the items as she settled into a chair in the corner.
"What do we do with the other ones then? Hand them out to random kids in the
park?" Jensen huffed a laugh and Jared just about missed the snort rising in
his throat.
"No, those we take home and I'll bring them into the kids tomorrow at work."
Mama was clearly not amused by how funny Jared and Jensen found this entire
situation.
Thankfully, they were saved from any scolding by the ultrasound technician
stepping into the room. She glanced strangely at the balloons but Jared had a
feeling it wasn't the oddest thing she'd seen in the room so she didn't
comment, explaining instead how the process of the ultrasound would work.
Jared was surprised by how much the baby had grown since the last ultrasound
they'd had. Back then, the baby was just a strange little flutter on a blue
screen, barely even a definable shape, and even though Jared had seen Jensen's
belly growing, this outline of their child made his heart lurch.
His hand clutched tightly to Jensen's as they watched, the awe and wonder
enough to bring the prick of tears to both their eyes. And Jared could hear his
Mama's sniffing so they weren't the only ones moved. Jared could see the round
head, the little fingers and toes - he counted all twenty as best he could with
the baby's movements - perfect tiny little form in static blue and gray.
"Would you like to know what you're having?" The technician asked a few minutes
later after printing several pictures and telling them about the baby's current
weight and size.
"Yes please," Jensen said in a rush and Jared grinned, reaching out to wipe
away the tears on his boyfriend's cheeks.
"Okay let's just see if we can get baby to play nice and let us see," the
technician muttered and Jared's smile grew impossibly wide. The idea of their
child already being ornery sounded just about right. "Ah there we go. Looks
like you have an already squirmy little boy on your hands. Congratulations."
Jared couldn't get the smile off his face, not when Jensen kept asking to make
sure the technician was sure or when Mama started laughing then burst into
happy tears.
And especially not when they stepped outside a good twenty minutes later; he
tipped his head back to watch the dozen blue balloons float up to the sky, well
wishes for their son. Jared looped his arm around Jensen's shoulder and held
him close, deciding life was pretty much perfect.
-Jared-
"Hello! Are you guys paying attention? Stop flinging the paintbrush around,
Chad; you'll get blue on the carpet! Honestly, am I the only mature one in this
room?" Sandy huffed loudly, tapping her pencil on the notebook in her arm.
Jared shared a private smirk with Chris before the boy crossed the room to his
girlfriend and stooped down to press a gentle kiss to her lips. "Chad's an
idiot baby. And don't worry, we're paying attention."
"Well, I should hope so. We need to make a decision." Sandy didn't sound near
as upset as she had just moments before and had to marvel - like he always did
- over Chris' power when it came to his girlfriend.
Of course, Jensen had a pretty damn crazy power over him now. Like now, when
his gaze shifted across the room and settled on Jensen, one hand curled around
the handle of a paintbrush, the other pressed into the beautiful rounded swell
of his belly. At nearly eight months, Jensen was bigger than Jared thought
possible, and he was the most beautiful thing Jared had ever laid eyes on.
"So get on with it, what's made it to the top?" Danneel spoke around a mouthful
of stencils, pulling each out one at a time to show Jensen.
Jared had his own set of stencils, already taped up to the dry blue wall, ready
to be painted over. The nursery was coming along; between all the gifts they'd
gotten from their friends and Mama - who was spoiling her first Grandson far
too much already - Jared was pretty sure they wouldn't need any new clothes for
years. But people kept insisting he'd be surprised how quickly they went
through everything so it was hard to say.
"Alright we've got Jasper, Eric and my personal favorite, William." Sandy slid
her finger down the list, calling out an assortment of other names Jared wasn't
paying attention to.
In truth, Jared didn't think any of the names they had on the list thus far
really fit. He was sure once he heard it, he would know, but then Jensen felt
the same way and Jared wasn't entirely sure it would work that way. What if no
name ever sounded right? It wasn't like naming a pet or something. This was the
name their child would be stuck with for the rest of his life.
It could make or break him and he might hate them or love them for it someday.
Jared didn't even know where to begin.
"You just like William because you've got some obsession with the Royals,"
Jensen said over his shoulders, shooting Sandy a smirk then turning to look at
more stencils. "Eric isn't right. I still think we should go with Hamish."
"We are not going with Hamish. I can't even imagine the names he'd get called."
Jared abandoned his own stencils and crossed the room, looping his arms around
his boyfriend and laying his palms protectively over Jensen's belly. "What
about Bastion?"
"As in Sebastian? Under the Sea? Or Bach?" Danneel scrunched her nose up, red
hair flying as she shook her head. "Maddison?"
“Not butch enough. He's already going to inheriting all of Jensen's dramatic
tendencies, that's enough for the poor kid." Chris smirked, hissing when Sandy
smacked his arm.
"He's going to be the best baby ever and you already love him no use denying.
What about Alexander? Provides a wide assortment of nicknames."
“Too common." Jensen shook his head, leaning back into Jared's touch. "We could
do some combination of our names, like Jaysen or um, Jenrad."
It was quiet for a minute and even Jared couldn't help pulling back enough to
meet his boyfriend's gaze with raised brows. They all exploded into laughter
after that and Jared tugged Jensen in as much as he could, pressing a kiss to
his lips. "Pretty sure Jenrad is a flat out no."
"What about Noah?" Chad's suggestion was quiet and the first one he'd made in
this current round of name debating. It was a pretty common past time for them
as of late.
"Noah," Jensen repeated, slowly pulling back from Jared and turning to look
over at Chad, a smile growing slowly on his face. "Yes, that's absolutely
perfect."
When Jensen looked up to him with questioning eyes Jared slowly grinned and
nodded, pressing a hard kiss to Jensen's temple before bouncing across the room
and scooping Chad up. "I can't believe it, all these months of debating and
you've found us the perfect name. Chad, you're a genius."
"I wouldn't go quite that far but it is a beautiful name." Sandy beamed at
them, scrawling presumably the name Noah across the bottom of the notepad.
"Our little Noah." Danneel sorted through the stencils, laying out the right
letters on the changing station in front of her.
"Our Noah," Jared repeated in a whisper, sliding his fingers over Jensen's
stomach once more.
-Jensen-
The crowd was thick and Jensen was waddling more than anything else, so trying
to make any headway was almost impossible. Especially when his gaze kept
snapping one way then the other, desperately searching for people he knew
weren't going to be there. But he kept hoping and he thought maybe if he looked
long enough...
"Jensen!" Mackenzie's call rang through the crowd and Jensen's grin grew.
Knowing his sister had managed to come - probably against their parents’ wishes
- made something warm in him and it had nothing to do with the early summer
heat and the graduation robe he was currently stuck in. "Mack! It's so good to
see you."
"Holy crap, look how big you are! That is most definitely a Padalecki baby
growing in there." Mackenzie laughed, hugging him as much as possible with his
large belly stuck between them.
"Hell yeah it is." Jared's arm dropped heavily down on Jensen's shoulder,
tugging him in and pressing a kiss to his temple. "Our little Noah is going to
be a Quarterback from birth."
Jensen hooked his arm around Jared's middle, a laugh rising up in his throat.
Even though he was happy to see his sister, he couldn't help looking past her,
hoping though he probably shouldn't that his parents might step through the
crowd. He, Jared and Mama had discussed it a lot over the last few days,
knowing he shouldn't get his hopes up, but his high school graduation only
happened once, he thought maybe they could put the bad stuff behind them.
"They wouldn't come, Jen..." Mackenzie said softly, apparently reading into the
hopeful look on his face.
He tried not to let his disappointment show, but by the way Jared squeezed him
a little tighter, he was pretty sure it was obvious. "I understand. I guess I
kind of thought... oh well. I'm so glad you could make it. I was hoping I'd be
able to see you before Noah was born."
“I wouldn't have missed it for anything, even if I had to walk in this ungodly
heat." Mackenzie grinned at him, producing a bag from behind her back a moment
later. "I brought a gift for Noah. Sorry for missing the shower, I wanted to
come but I- I just couldn't."
"That's okay, we know you tried Mack." Jared reached out, ruffling Mackenzie's
hair.
Jensen decided to shrug off any lingering disappointments regarding his parents
- he knew he should have let it go and moved on months ago - and stepped in to
hug Mackenzie once more. "Thank you so much Mack. I'm so happy to see you. And
after I have Noah, I hope you'll come by then too. I really want you to be part
of the baby's life."
"Of course, I will. I'm going to be the best Aunt ever and there's no one who
could possibly stop me." Mackenzie pulled back, beaming at Jensen and poking at
the gift once more. "Now come on, open it up, and let's go sit down. Pretty
sure not even Jared is strong enough to support your weight if you pass out."
"Hey now, I will support my man and our baby, I am Superman." Jared grinned,
throwing his arms around Jensen and Mackenzie and guiding them easily through
the crowd.
-Jared-
Like with all male pregnancies, the date for Jensen's delivery was scheduled in
advance. That didn't make the moment any easier for Jared and didn't keep him
from freaking out as the moment approached. The day of, Jared was up at four
am, racing around the nursery to make sure they had everything, which they did
- diapers, wipes, enough onesies Noah could be changed three times a day and
they wouldn't need to do laundry for a month. Then he was back in their room,
sorting through Jensen's hospital bag even though it'd been packed for weeks.
By the time they were checking into the hospital for the C-section, Jared was
more nervous than Jensen, and he wasn't even the one going under the knife.
Jensen smiled fondly at him, touching his hand and kissing him softly,
reassuring him, and Mama was already in tears so Jared was pretty sure it was
just going to be an emotional day all around.
The worst part was the small space in time in which they had to take Jensen in
back to prep him for the operation and Jared had to wait to join. He paced the
floor then, ignoring Mama's calming talk. Jared didn't want to be calm. He just
wanted Jensen, and their baby, and the reassurance that everything was going to
be okay.
Seeing Jensen on the operating table sent a sick sort of dread through Jared.
He knew the Doctors and nurses could handle the surgery, it wasn't even that
unusual now-a-days, but he still couldn't help worrying.
"Jay, I'm fine, little queasy but Noah's almost here. He's almost ours." Jensen
beamed up at Jared, reaching out to take his hand.
Jared couldn't watch, could only meet Jensen's gaze and count the minutes until
the one that would matter the most - the one that would officially start them
on this brand new journey.
"I love you so much," Jared murmured and it hit him hard at that moment, just
how very much he did love Jensen. They'd come so far in such a short time but
then again, it was almost like they'd been traveling to this point from the
very beginning. All those years ago, when they'd met as little boys, it was as
if destiny stepped in and took over.
Which was maybe the sappiest thing Jared had ever thought and he was mildly
relieved that Jensen couldn't read his mind at that moment.
"I love you too," Jensen breathed, and the tears shining in his eyes made Jared
think the boy was feeling all the same things he was.
Then the loud cry of a baby had Jared jerking up and back, turning to fix his
gaze for the first time on their little boy. It wasn't the prettiest thing.
Jared tried not to think about the amount of blood and how freaky that was.
Noah was whisked off before he had the chance to really drink him in.
"Oh he's a real beauty, you boys made a good one," one of the nurses called out
as she weighed Noah, cooing at the still crying baby.
Jared itched to get closer but before he could, the nurse was turning, baby
skillfully wrapped and resting in her arms. "Ready to hold him Daddy?"
“God, yes." Jared reached out to curl his arm protectively under Noah,
supporting his head just like all the books said.
Noah was beautiful, though Jared had never doubted that he would be. When his
eyes blinked open, they looked brown and green, a mixture of both colors kind
of like Jared's own. A grin stretched across Jared's lips, tears glistening in
his eyes as he turned back to Jensen and slowly sat, tilting Noah toward him.
"Noah, here's your Daddy Jensen, say hello." Jared beamed at Jensen, quickly
turning his gaze back down to Noah because he couldn't get enough.
"Oh god, Jay, he's so beautiful, he's perfect." Jensen stretched out as much as
he could, caressing his fingers down Noah's cheek. "Hello little guy, we've
been waiting a long time for you."
Jared didn't think he'd ever be convinced to let Noah go but it wasn't too long
before the nurse came to take him to the nursery. He was ushered out of the
room as they finished cleaning Jensen up and Jared hurried quickly through the
maternity wing, shoving the doors open and beaming at his friends and Mama as
they stood as one and rushed forward.
"How did it go? How's Jensen?"
"Is the baby five feet long?"
"Does he have your nose?"
"God, please say he has Jensen's nose."
"As long as he has Jared's jawbone."
“I bet he weighed ten pounds."
"You guys want to shut up and see him?" Jared interrupted the moment he could,
not all that surprised by the way his friends were speaking one over the other.
Until he turned to the large glass windows and pointed to the crib that was
wheeled forward, the group seemed collectively out of words as they stepped in
and peered down at the bundled baby. Jared leaned into his Mama's side as she
wrapped an arm around him. It felt like his heart swelled and burst and all the
worries he'd had about not being ready for this disappeared.
"Well, he got Jensen's nose, thank the lord," Chad grumbled and Jared's grin
stretched so wide it actually hurt.
***** Epilogue *****
-Jared-
A loud shrill giggle echoed from down the hallway, greeting Jared as he pushed
the front door open. As far as Jared was concerned, there was no better sound
to come home to and he eagerly kicked off his shoes, hanging his keys on the
little wall hook Jensen had taken such care to decorate. Kind of like the rest
of their apartment, that had little splashes of Jensen and Jared and Noah
everywhere.
Jared loved it.
"Noah! Come back here you little Ninja!" Jensen hollered from down the hall -
from the bathroom, if Jared had to guess.
Sure enough, a few seconds later the pattering of tiny feet on smooth wood
trailed the continuing giggle and Jared stooped down in time to get an armful
of naked, dirty, two-year-old. "Daddy!"
Jared grinned and curled his arms protective and tight around the boy, pulling
him up off the floor and spinning him around. "Are you on the run little Noah?
What sort of trouble have you gotten into this time?"
"Oh, you know, just about everything," Jensen sighed as he stepped into the
front entryway, a smile on his face despite the way his hands were planted
firmly on his hips.
Jensen was the best parent ever, there was no way for Jared to compete and that
was just fine for him. After all, it took a special kind of person to stay home
with their two year old and go to school online at the same time. Jared found
working full time overwhelming more often than not, but mostly because he hated
not having more time to spend with Jensen and Noah.
That was the deal they'd worked out, though. Jensen went to school online,
using leftover money from his student loans toward their expenses. And Jared
worked full time at a call center, which wasn't the most stimulating work but
it paid well enough. Somehow, against all the odds and all the people who
didn't think they could do it, they were managing to make it work. Jared wanted
to stick his tongue out in a classic haaa but that went against the maturity
proving actions so he resisted.
"How was work?" Jensen stepped forward, pushing up to press a kiss to Jared's
lips and trailing fingers down his arm. "Get hung up on today?"
"Nope, not even once. You know what Mama says; even my voice can warm the
hardest of hearts." Jared grinned and held Noah up, his hands tucked securely
beneath the boy's arms as he considered the chocolatey mess smeared over his
son's chubby cheeks. Even his blonde hair - that he'd gotten from Jensen, along
with the good majority of his facial features and just about everything but his
eyes - had some chocolate smeared between the locks.
"I eat pudding Daddy! Da said I good boy!" Noah clapped his hands happily,
wiping the sticky mess of his fingers over Jared's forearms moments later.
Jared arched his brows and looked over at Jensen who was no longer looking
annoyed, just amused even as he shrugged. "It got him to eat all the fish
sticks."
"Ah, bribery, we're advancing in our parenting techniques." Jared laughed and
pulled Noah close again, heading quickly down the hall. If he'd learned one
thing over the last couple of years, it was never leave Noah naked for very
long. Not unless he wanted to clean pee out of the carpet or off the wall or -
like that one time shortly after Noah's second birthday - out of their bed
sheets.
"I am a full believer in using whatever method works." Jensen trailed after
him, turning on the faucet as Jared lowered Noah into the tub.
For a while, they sat simply watching Noah, listening to his barely
understandable babble, laughing as he splashed through the bubbles. Jared
rested his hand on Jensen's thigh, enjoying the comfort and peace that settled
between them in moments like these.
He hadn't always known they would make it. There were times - like in the
beginning, with all the sleepless nights and the complete lack of money - that
Jared thought everything would just fall apart. But somehow they'd powered
through, with the never-ending help of their friends and Mama, and the place
they'd reached now was just about as perfect as it could possibly be.
"Mackenzie came by today," Jensen said a while later, grinning when Noah held
up a boat and proudly declared what it was. "Yes baby, that's a boat."
"How's she doing? And... the family?" It was always a sensitive issue, Jensen's
family, but Jared knew they couldn't just pretend they didn't exist. Jensen's
parents might have been okay taking the ignorance route but Jensen always tried
to be just a little bit better than that.
Which didn't really make it any easier, judging from the sad smile on Jensen's
face. "Mackenzie is good. She says Mom and Dad are too. She told them about the
party next week but apparently they had plans."
Truthfully, Jared didn't want Jensen's parents to come over, especially not for
his birthday party, but he knew why Jensen kept inviting him. Just like he kept
sending pictures of Noah, of them, trying to involve them even when they'd made
it plenty clear they had no desire to be involved with their family. It was the
same reason Jensen had said he was taking Jared's last name when they married,
it was all about principles in Jensen's mind and Jared could respect that.
"Well she'll be there right?" Jared smiled up at Jensen, leaning up to kiss the
corner of his mouth when the man nodded. "That's all we need. Well that, and
Mama. Plus the gang is all in town, it'll be just like the good ol' times."
“Only with Noah, which makes it better." Jensen caught Jared's collar before he
could move away, tugging him in to kiss him deeply.
In the tub, Noah splashed a little harder, spraying them in water and laughing
excitedly. Their kiss broke and they joined in the laughter, turning as one to
gather up the towel and their boy. They worked together well, a practiced
routine getting him dressed - hair brushed, face washed - and tucked into his
bed.
Like they did every night, Jared and Jensen sung lullabies together, brushing
Noah's hair back from his forehead, pressing kisses to his temple and cheeks.
It was one of Jared's favorite times of the day, listening to Noah join in on
the singing even if he could never get the words right and seeing the love
reflected in Jensen's eyes as he gaze down at their little boy.
This was never the way Jared had pictured his life, but he would never change a
moment of it.
After they'd quietly closed the bedroom door - nightlight on, music box playing
- Jared was ready to spend the evening with his Jensen. He trailed along after
the man to the kitchen, trailing his fingers down Jensen's arm in gentle
caresses.
"Have you been working on this?" Jared stopped as they entered the kitchen,
peering down at the scrapbook spread out on the counter. It was the same one
Jensen had given him for his seventeenth birthday, and just the sight of it
made his heart flutter.
"When Noah naps, yeah. We have all these pictures, I feel like if I don't catch
up now I never will." Jensen shrugged, tugging the fridge open to start
preparing an evening snack for Jared.
Because Jensen was just amazing like that. "You're amazing. I have no idea why
you're still with me."
"Eh, the sex is pretty good." Jensen smirked his way, kicking the fridge closed
and slowly leaning against the counter. "So um... I've been thinking..."
"About?" Jared never knew what to expect from Jensen, which was part of the
reason they worked so well. He reached out to snag a piece of turkey from the
container, grinning as he fell back in his chair.
"How you feel about having another kid?" Jensen kept his gaze down in that
carefully calculated way, that way that said he'd already made his mind up and
knew just what he wanted.
And, yeah, maybe Jared had never planned on being barely twenty years old and
planning for a second child but life never worked the way he thought it would.
That was kind of the best thing about it. "Can we start trying now?"
Jensen grinned and Jared was plenty happy to chase him down the hall to their
bedroom.
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