Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2386886.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Relationship:
      Dean_Winchester/John_Winchester, Dean_Winchester/Sam_Winchester
  Character:
      Bobby_Singer, Dean_Winchester, Sam_Winchester, John_Winchester, Jessica
      Moore, Jody_Mills, Castiel_(Supernatural), Gabriel_(Supernatural), Henry
      Winchester, Charlie_Bradbury, Josie_Sands
  Additional Tags:
      Alpha/Beta/Omega_Dynamics, Forced_Prostitution, Brainwashing, Aftermath
      of_Torture, Rape_Aftermath, Post-Traumatic_Stress_Disorder_-_PTSD, Hurt
      Dean_Winchester, Protective_Sam_Winchester, Protective_Bobby_Singer,
      Abusive_John_Winchester, Alpha_Sam_Winchester, Omega_Dean_Winchester,
      Past_Rape/Non-con, Alpha_Gabriel, Alpha_Castiel, Minor_Character_Death
  Series:
      Part 1 of The_Case_of_the_Omega_and_the_Alpha
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-10-01 Completed: 2015-08-09 Chapters: 40/40 Words: 102327
****** The Case of Dean ******
by darkroses
Summary
     Sam is an alpha studying law at Stanford and is an omega rights
     activist. Dean is an omega who has been abused for years by their
     father. Dean is removed from his father's custody and Sam takes him
     in.
     This work of fiction details a society where omegas are regarded as
     little more than animals. Sam tries to undo the damage society and
     their father caused Dean.
***** The Lost Brother *****
Sam always felt out of place in the world. He was born an alpha to an alpha
father and an omega mother. Nothing about that was out of the ordinary. His
older brother, Dean, was an omega which meant after his mother’s death Dean was
tasked with caring for Sam until Sam turned 12. When Dean had his first heat at
16, it confused Sam and Sam rarely saw Dean after that.
Sam was sent away from his father and his brother to live with Bobby, a
friendly beta. As a result, Sam spent his teen years learning to see the world
through the eyes of a beta which was different than the harsh way his father
viewed the world. Bobby taught things that Sam never learnt before like how
Bobby thought no matter if you were an alpha, beta, or an omega you should be
treated the same. Sam always thought bitterly about that because Dean was never
treated the same.
Omegas in the world generally were not cherished. They were used for breeding
and discarded. Even the government didn’t do much to care for them. They setup
shelters for omegas and oversaw placement but from the pictures, Sam saw online
of the shelters it was more like a dog shelter. The omegas were put in separate
cages and chained to the floor. They were given bowls to eat and drink out of.
They were treated like animals.
Sam knew that the government recently stopped the practice of putting down the
omegas that couldn’t breed anymore. Instead, the government sought out any
living alpha or beta family members that may want to take ownership of them. If
the government was unable to find an owner the omega was left to live the rest
of his or her life in a cage chained to the floor.
Sam was 22 now and living in California studying prelaw. He lived with an alpha
roommate Jessica. Neither of them wanted to take on an omega at this point in
their lives. Sam hadn’t heard from his father, who remained responsible for
Dean, in over two years. He knew his father was upset about Sam taking on omega
rights as one of his causes. It caused a huge fight that left Dean hiding in
the corner covering his head with his arms. No one hit him but it was pretty
clear to Sam that someone had hit him and Sam had a pretty good guess that it
was his father. Unfortunately for Sam, there was nothing he could do about it. 
It wasn’t illegal to hit an omega for correction. If Dean ended up sexually
assaulted or suffer any damage like burns or broken bones then it was illegal.
++
Sam was heading out to the Impala from his classes when his phone rang. He
didn’t recognize the number but he answered it anyways, “This is Sam.”
He listened to some clicking on the other end of the line followed by a nervous
female voice, “This is Jody Mills. I am with Northeast California Omega
Shelter. Could you confirm you are Samuel Winchester?”
Sam felt a pit in his stomach. He knew there were very limited reasons why they
could be calling him and he doubted it had to do with his activism. If
anything, his activism would put them out of business. Sam nervously replied,
“Yes, that is me. What is this about?”
He listened to Jody sigh, “We had a new admission today, an omega that was
getting abused. When we ran his DNA through the database to see if he had any
kin. Your name came up as his full blood brother. We think he is in his mid-
twenties and he has been removed from your father’s custody. Do you want to
come claim the omega or do you want us to look for an owner for him?”
Sam let out a slow breath, “I will come get him. I am about an hour away. His
name is Dean. Can you tell me what sort of abuse he suffered?” As Sam spoke he
slipped into his car and started heading towards the shelter. He wanted to get
there quickly because Dean did not deserve to be chained to the floor like some
animal.
Sam could hear Jody filling through some pages and finally, she said, “Omegas
do not have names. It says that there were signs of prolonged neglect, undue
correction, and sexual abuse. That is all I know.”
Sam nodded to himself as he drove, “Okay, thank you.”
++
Sam arrived at the shelter in record time. Jody, the woman he spoke with on the
phone, was the one that greeted him at the shelter. He didn’t like her and he
realized that she was a beta just by smelling her. He got the impression from
her that she didn’t like alphas or omegas which made him wonder why she was
working at the shelter in the first place.
Jody led Sam through a large room lined with mesh cages inside each cage was an
omega chained to the floor. None of them looked up at Sam, they all moved away
from him because he was an alpha. Sam hated that society caused them to be like
that. In Sam’s mind, the omegas were no different than him but he could not
convince anyone of that it seemed.
Jody stopped in front of the cage with Dean. Sam gasped when he saw Dean. He
was naked and chained to the floor. He had very clearly been beaten. He was
underweight to the point Sam could see his spine and he was in heat. Sam took a
step back to control his impulses. He didn’t want to rape his brother, even
though under the law he could mate with his brother and it wouldn’t be
considered rape regardless of if Dean consented or not. Sam let out a couple
breathes to ease himself down from his instinct before looking at Dean, who was
doing his best to hide from Sam.
Jody was annoyed by this whole situation. Sam guessed it was because she didn’t
really understand how much self-control it took for an alpha not to think with
his knot. Jody looked at Sam and said, “The omega was fixed so he can’t get
pregnant. The procedure that was done to him was illegal and there is no
undoing it. The doctor said that it was most likely done at the time of the
omega’s first heat. The doctor also wanted me to let you know that the omega
had an implant to make him stay in heat for 21 days out of each month which is
also illegal. The implant was removed and he should be out of heat in a couple
days.”
Sam nodded as he stared at Dean. He couldn’t fathom what exactly his father had
done to his brother or why. He wondered why his father would torture his own
son. He knew that sexual abuse of an omega really meant that Dean was being
prostituted.  The thought of that made Sam sick.
Sam slowly knelt down by Dean and spoke softly, “Hey Dean, I am your brother
Sam. I am here to take you home. Dad isn’t your alpha anymore. I am.”
Dean looked up at Sam but didn’t make eye contact. His eyes were lustful and he
murmured, “Hurts, Sammy.”
Sam nodded and kept his hands on his knees. “I know Dean, I will get you a toy
to help with that later. But right now, we are going to get out of here.”
++
Sam was more than grateful to get Dean out of the shelter. He had gotten an
offer from another alpha to purchase Dean from him because the alpha’s child
(another alpha) thought he would be fun to play with. It made his blood boil.
Who lets their kids mess with omegas or anyone for that matter? Sam didn’t know
how to process how that made him feel.
He watched Dean as he drove. His brother was curled up on the passenger side of
the Impala with Sam’s jacket draped over him. Sam hadn’t even thought about
clothes before he left to get Dean. He was just more concerned about getting
Dean and he forgot that omegas tended to be kept naked. Dean hadn’t said a word
besides telling him he was in pain and that worried Sam.
When Sam finally made it back to his apartment he saw that Jessica was home. He
knew she was not going to be pleased with him bring home an omega that was in
heat. They didn’t see eye to eye on the omega rights issue and this was going
to stir some things up. Sam shook his head and decided if she wouldn’t shut up
about it; he could always kick her out.
Sam carefully pulled Dean from the car. His brother was barely standing and
supported most of his weight on Sam. They made their way slowly up to Sam’s
apartment and Sam opened the door and led Dean inside.
Jessica was studying on the floor facing away from the door. She lifted her
head up when she smelled Dean. She was aggravated when she spoke, “Sam, what
the hell? I thought you are an omega rights activist and you are dragging one
in heat into your home? I thought we had an agreement about this shit. I can’t
study with that smell!”
Jessica turned her head around and laid her eyes on Dean, who had recoiled into
Sam’s side. Sam was doing his best to keep his jacket on Dean’s shoulders but
it still wasn’t leaving much to the imagination. Jessica could see the
bruising, rope marks, and burns covering his body. Jessica swallowed hard and
her anger deflated, “What happened to it?”
Sam looked down at Dean and said carefully, “His name is Dean and he is not it.
He is my brother and you will treat him with the same respect you do me. My
father was abusing him so Dean ended up at the shelter. The shelter called me
so I went and got him.”
Jessica nodded and looked back down at her book. She flicked the pages in her
hand before asking without looking up, “Is he going to be okay? I mean, he
looks like he’s been tortured and I smell a lot of alphas on him.”
Sam started walking past Jessica to led Dean into the bathroom. He made eye
contact with Jessica as he passed, “I suppose he is going to be just about as
fine as someone can be after having their entire life filled with physical and
sexual abuse. Right now, I just want to get him settled.”
Once Sam was in the bathroom he sat Dean down on the toilet and he started
running a bath. Dean stared blankly at the water but didn’t dare look up at
Sam. He knew he wasn’t supposed to make eye contact with alphas. He had that
beat into him. Dean wasn’t sure what it meant now that Sam was his alpha. Dean
knew Sam had never been cruel to him, but still, he feared Sam would be like
all the other alphas.
Dean was pulled from his thoughts when Sam moved the jacket off of him and
moved him into the shallow water. He knew he should be washing himself and not
making his alpha do it. But he just felt so weak from all the beatings and the
mating. John barely fed him anymore because he could get more money for Dean if
he was thin. Dean was told being thin made him look younger and alphas like
that. He wondered if he was going to be too old for Sam someday. He didn’t
know, so he just leaned his head on the tile wall.
This was the first chance he had had to really bathe in months. The closest he
got to bathing was when his father quickly cut his hair. His hair on his head
was kept short and the rest of the hair on his body had been permanently
removed some time ago. The intent was to keep him looking like a young male
omega.
Dean listened to the gentleness of Sam’s voice, “Dean, let me know if I make
you uncomfortable. I am not going to hurt you… Shh.. it is okay. I am not going
to hurt you… Shhh.” He didn’t realize it but at some point, he must have
started crying.
Dean let Sam pull him up out of the tub and dry him off. Sam led Dean into his
bedroom and pulled back the covers on his bed. Sam carefully laid Dean down on
the bed and covered him up. Dean watched as Sam smiled at him and left the
room.
Dean wasn’t sure what to do. Omegas did not sleep in bed and rarely did an
alpha ever want an omega in their bed for mating. The process of mating was
messy and most alphas didn’t want to deal with that, so omegas tended to be
dealt with on the floor. Dean flexed his fingers in the blankets and relished
in the warmth of the blankets. It had been so long since he had felt warm. He
was so used to curling up in the corner on the floor shivering from the cold.
He decided to enjoy this moment for as long as Sam let him.
Sam quietly came back into the room with some food and he noticed Dean’s eyes
were closed. He smiled because he knew how poorly his father had always treated
Dean and this must be a nice moment for Dean. It did make Sam cringe inside
because Dean was clearly enjoying something he took for granted. Sam sat the
plate of food and a glass of water by the side of the bed and sat down next to
Dean.
Dean opened his eyes and looked at Sam expectantly but he did not make eye
contact. Sam rubbed his hands on his knees trying once again to control himself
with the smell of an omega in heat right next to him. He knew he had to treat
Dean well and not rape him. He let out a slow breath and reminded himself once
again not to think with his knot.
Carefully Sam picked up the glass of water and said softly, “Dean, I want you
to drink some water. Can you do that for me?”
Sam moved the glass closer to Dean’s hand and he noticed Dean start to shake.
He silently cursed himself when he recalled that he had no memory of Dean ever
drinking out of a glass, eating at a table, or even using silverware. He knew
Dean knew how to because Dean had fed him and even held his drink for him when
he was little or sick.
Sam sighed and moved the glass up to Dean’s lips and slowly poured some of the
water into his mouth. Dean drank it and eyed the glass the whole time. He was
suspicious of Sam’s intentions. He didn’t know if he should trust Sam, but he
knew that since Sam was his alpha now he had to do what Sam said or he figured
Sam would do what his father did.
Once the glass was half gone Sam moved it away. He spoke gently, “That was
good, Dean. You did well. I have some food here and I want you to try to eat
some of it. I know you taught me how to feed myself using plates and
silverware. I want you to do that to Dean.”
Dean looked up at Sam’s eyes for the first time since Sam became his alpha. He
made eye contact and saw the sincerity in Sam’s eyes. He bit down on his lip
and before he could stop himself he whispered, “Yes Alpha, anything to please
you.”
Sam closed his eyes for a moment to center himself and remind himself once
again to remain in control of his impulses. He took a couple deep breaths
before he opened his eyes again and helped Dean sit up a little more on the
bed. Then he handed Dean the plate of food and watched Dean tentatively eat.
Sam was worried because Dean was literally shaking as he ate and he kept
looking up to Sam for approval.
Dean only ate about half of what Sam set out for him before they heard a knock
on the bedroom door. Sam got up and answered it. Jessica was standing in the
doorway holding two shopping bags. She shoved it into Sam’s chest. She was edgy
when she spoke, “I bought you some supplies so you didn’t have to go out. It
isn’t safe to leave an omega home alone in heat. Jackasses take advantage of
that. I am going to my brother’s house for a few days because I don’t know if I
have the level of self-control you are striving for. Good luck and if you knot
your brother I won’t think any less of you.”
Sam grabbed hold of the shopping bags and gave Jessica a sheepish smile. He
stammered, “Thanks, Jess.” Then Sam closed the door and turned back to Dean,
who had stopped eating. He was looking down and not moving. Sam sat the bags
down on the end of the bed and looked inside.  Taped to a toy for Dean to get
off was a note for Jessica.
Sam,
Since I know you have never been with an omega before I figured I should help
you out because I am a nice person. You will want to stay in the room with Dean
when he uses this toy and you will want to stay close so your scent is on him.
My brother used to hold my little sister when she went into heat. It will
protect him from the advances of other alphas when he is not in heat.
I know you are rolling your eyes at me right now, but please hear me out. If
Dean can have a good climax with a knot inside of him. He should be good for a
few hours. He is going to need to use it every few hours until his heat is
over. I hope you have a waterproof bed liner, because I know you are not going
to put him on the floor like most alphas.
Since I know you don’t want to have sex with him. I bought you a cock cage. It
is going to be uncomfortable but my brother used it when he held my sister. It
kept him from getting too worked up. I took the key out for it and I have the
key with me. Call me if you want it off and I will come over to give you the
key. I promise not to tease you about it.
I picked up some t-shirts and pajama bottoms for Dean. I guessed his size. I
knew your clothes wouldn’t fit because you are bigger than he is. Omegas tend
to get cold easily but most alphas ignore it. I put out some extra blankets and
sheets on the sofa from my closet if you need them. If he is warm his heat will
pass better. Even after his heat, he is going to chill easily.
I know we don’t see eye to eye on how to treat an omega but I think deep down,
we both believe an omega should be treated with some level of respect and given
some level of safety.  I think what happened to your brother horrible and for
the first time, I think I can see the benefit and the reason for your
advocating. I hope everything works out okay.
I will pick up your homework from your classes for you. Let me know if you need
anything else.
Jessica
Sam sighed and put the note down on the bed and looked over at Dean, who still
had not moved. He pulled the toy out of the bag and sat the other bags on the
floor. He decided he was not going to put a cock cage on unless it became
absolutely necessary. Sam knew it was going to be difficult to remain in
control but he had to do this.
Sam sat down the toy in the middle of the bed and asked Dean gently, “Did you
get enough to eat?”
Dean replied with only a distant, “Hurts, Alpha.”
Sam nodded and took the plate off of Dean’s lap and set it on the night stand. 
Then he walked over to the other side of the bed and slipped off his shoes
before getting into the bed with Dean. He was terrified of a number of things.
He was terrified of hurting Dean and he was terrified that he wouldn’t be able
to control himself. He was terrified that he would be one of those alphas he
advocated against.
Sam moved close to Dean and pulled Dean toward him so that Dean’s head was
resting on Sam’s chest. Then Sam handed the toy to Dean and whispered in Dean’s
ear. “I want you to use this on yourself. I want you to come for your alpha
with this knot inside of you.”
Dean took the toy and whimpered lightly as he started to use it on himself. One
hand held onto the toy and the other held onto Sam’s arm which was wrapped
around Dean’s chest. Sam had his eyes closed while this was going on. He was
slowly breathing in and out. He was making a point to concentrate on his
breathing and not the tempting scent of the omega filling his room.
 
 
***** The First Talk *****
Dean’s heat lasted about two days like the beta at the shelter advised. Sam was
pleased with himself that he was able to control himself. Granted every time
Dean fell asleep he found himself in the bathroom rubbing one out. But still he
didn’t give in and he didn’t take advantage of his brother. Sam really hadn’t
had the chance to really talk to Dean. His brother was weak from the abuse and
the heat to do much of anything.
It was now the third day since Sam brought Dean home. Dean was sleeping on
Sam’s bed and Sam was sitting in the living room working on his school work. He
didn’t want to disturb Dean and he knew Dean was going to need time to
recuperate. Sam heard the bedroom door creak open and he saw Dean slowly
entering the living room.
Dean kept his eyes on the ground and his movements were unsteady. He was
worried about getting in trouble for getting up without permission. He was
worried Sam had abandoned him or left to go find him another owner. So it
spurred him to get up. He wanted to find his alpha.
Sam could tell by Dean’s body language that he thought he did something wrong.
He put down his textbook and looked at Dean, who thankfully was dressed in a t-
shirt and pajama bottoms. Sam spoke in as reassuring a voice as possible,
“Dean, you’re free to move around here as you like. Just stay out of Jessica’s
room. She doesn’t even let me in there.”
Dean moved carefully over to the sofa and sat down on the floor next to Sam. He
leaned his head against Sam’s knee and closed his eyes. Sam for his part was
unsure what to do. This was a very submissive and stereotypical omega thing to
do. Tentatively, Sam reached down and patted Dean’s hair. He thought to himself
how it figures Dean wanted exactly what Sam was advocating against.
Cautiously Sam said, “Dean, you know you can sit on the furniture if you want
or you can sit on the floor whatever makes you happy.”
Dean leaned into Sam’s touch and spoke softly, “No one cares about what makes
me happy, Sammy. You should know that. I am just an omega. No one cares about
omegas.”
Sam stopped stroking Dean’s hair and paused. His alpha senses were telling him
to claim Dean because that is what an omega needs. But his rational mind put a
stop to his hormones. Dean needs to be able to make his own choices. Carefully
Sam replied, “I care about you, Dean. I care about what makes you happy. I
don’t want to ever see you hurt again. Are you scared of me?”
Dean shook his head against Sam’s knee, “Not really, I guess I am just waiting
for you to act like all the other alphas in my life. I.. I am scared you are
going to be like Dad.”
Sam chuckled a little and said, “Dean, in case you didn’t realize. Dad didn’t
raise me. You raised me until I was twelve and then Bobby raised me. Trust me,
when I say Bobby spent a fair amount of time teaching me alphas, betas, and
omegas are all equal.”
Dean closed his eyes and spoke softly, “Dad didn’t want you around.”
Sam started stroking Dean’s hair again and asked tentatively, “Can you tell me
what Dad did to you?”
Dean looked up from where he was sitting on the floor into Sam’s eyes and asked
as if he was testing the waters, “Why? I was his property and now I am your
property.”
Sam let out a sigh. He couldn’t help it. “Dean, technically you are my property
under the law. But believe me when I say you are my big brother and I do not
view you as a piece of property.”
Dean cast his head down and said a weak voice, “Oh, I… um.. I didn’t think I
would be less than property to you.”
Sam leaned forward and used one of his hands to nudge Dean’s face up. He spoke
sternly, “Dean, I didn’t mean it like that. You are more important to me than
property. You are human, like me and we should both be treated as equals.” Sam
paused when he saw the confused look on Dean’s face. He sighed again. “Dean, do
you want to be my equal?”
Dean shook his head no and whispered sheepishly, “I just want to be your omega.
I want to you to keep your word and not hurt me. But I don’t know how not to be
property. I don’t know how to be like you. I..I was so scared in the shelter. I
don’t want to be taken from my alpha again.”
Sam continued to run his fingers through Dean’s hair. He knew it was a very
alpha thing to do but it felt nice on his fingertips and Dean seemed to like
it. Slowly Sam spoke, “Dean, I am not sending you away. I will protect and
treat you with respect. You are legally my property and you will not be sold.
You’re mine forever.” Sam knew he was sounding more and more like an alpha and
less and less like an omega rights activist. But Dean needed to hear he was
safe and that he was okay being who he believed himself to be.
Dean relaxed his head against Sam’s knee and murmured, “Thank you, Sam.” He
paused and then he spoke a little louder, “I guess I should tell you what Dad
did now.”
Sam moved his hand and placed it gently on the nape of Dean’s neck. He held it
there for a moment before he lightly started rubbing Dean’s neck. His neck was
rough from years of wearing a metal collar his skin had a reaction to. It made
Sam sad to think about what that must have been like. He didn’t want to push
Dean into saying anything he didn’t want to, so he decided just to comfort Dean
the best he could until he decided to open up.
It took about fifteen minutes for Dean to say anything. His voice was light and
Sam could barely hear it. “When I was sixteen I went into my first heat and it
freaked you out. Dad had left us alone at the motel and told me to look after
you. I felt it coming on and everything inside me was telling me to be with an
alpha and I called Dad to tell him. He left the hunt he was on because of it.
He found some of those feral humans. You know the ones that aren’t alpha, beta,
or omega and he was going to take them out.”
Sam chuckled as he continued to stroke Dean’s neck. “I remember. I didn’t know
what was wrong. I heard about what omegas went through at school, but what was
happening to you didn’t look anything like that.”
Dean nodded, “Yeah, it was because I didn’t have a mate. Anyways, so Dad got
home and told you to stay in the bathroom of the motel. He knotted me on the
floor of that motel room. It hurt because he didn’t do any prep or mark me with
his scent beforehand so my body would open up for him. He dropped you off with
Bobby after that.
“We got a motel not far from Bobby’s and I wanted to run away to Bobby’s so
much but I couldn’t. He beat me because I bled when I was knotted the first
time. The first day at that motel without you, it was just an all-day rotation
of beatings and getting knotted. On the second day, he ignored me and left me
for part of the morning. He came back with some alphas. They held me down and
one of them put a hand inside me. I didn’t know what he was doing but he had
something in his hand that made it feel like I was getting electrocuted. I
screamed myself hoarse but eventually the pain became too much and I blacked
out.”
Sam let out a slow breath and was surprised at how easy it was for Dean to tell
this story. There was no emotion in Dean’s voice, no sound of hurt. It was like
Dean had an emotional disconnect between that event and his feelings. Sam
continued running his fingers through Dean’s hair and said softly, “I am sorry,
Dean.”
Dean glanced up at Sam before continuing, “So ah, when I woke up. They were
gone and I was laying on the floor. I was laying in a mix of my own blood,
slick, and urine. Dad was just sitting on the edge of the bed glaring at me. He
told me that they fixed me so I can’t get pregnant and they gave me an implant
in my arm that would keep me in heat longer for customers. He told me that he
was going to use me to fund his hunting because it was the only thing I was
good for.
“Dad would arrange alphas to mate with me in every place we traveled and Dad
would leave me with them while he hunted. Alphas are rough and they all like to
knock around an omega. They would beat me if I didn’t submit to them right. I
tried to fight them at first. But alphas are stronger and bigger than me.
Eventually, I just accepted it.
“As I got older, Dad started feeding me less because he wanted me to look as
young as possible. I guess since I was getting older he wasn’t getting as good
as a price for me. He became more aggressive with me about 3 years ago. That
was when he started to actually cause damage when he beat me and he would just
lock me up in a cage when I wasn’t being knotted.
“When the cops found me that is where I was, in a cage. I hadn’t eaten in days
and I couldn’t even lift my head up. The people at the shelter were the nicest
people I had had contact with in a long time but I still don’t want to back
there.”
Sam leaned back and tried to wrap his mind around what Dean was telling him. He
didn’t really know what to say so he said the only thing he could, “I’m sorry,
Dean.”
Dean didn’t look up but he said distantly, “You know, Sammy, you’re the first
person that has ever asked me what I want. You are also the only alpha I’ve
ever been around who didn’t knot me or hit me.”
Sam gave a halfhearted grin, “I don’t want to be like all the other alphas
you’ve known in your life. I want to be.. I don’t know. I just want to be a
good person. I want to do what is right for you. I do know I am going to need
help getting you healthy. We are going to have to take you to the doctor.”
Dean sighed said, “Yes, Alpha.”
Sam looked at Dean confused for a moment because he was fairly certain that
Dean was just agreeing to placate him. He decided not to say anything about it.
He wanted to know who Dean really was and not what society told him to be but
he didn’t know how to approach that subject.
 
 
***** Finding a Safe Haven *****
Staying in California was becoming difficult. Sam lived near a college campus
which was crawling with alphas, all of whom wanted Dean. It irritated Sam both
on an alpha level and a rational level. His alpha side was screaming that Dean
was his, while his rational mind was saying Dean did not need to be around
sexually aggressive people.
At a loss for what else to do, Sam quit school and decided it was best if they
stayed with Bobby for a while. Bobby was a beta and Dean knew him. He was also
okay with the boys staying there. Sam did get a lecture from Bobby about
treating Dean with respect. Sam did his best to reassure Bobby but he was
fairly certain the beta would have to see for himself.
By the time they pulled into the lot at the familiar salvage yard, Dean had
only been with Sam two weeks. He was still thin, but the bruises were fading.
Dean spent a fair amount of time sleeping and his sleep was becoming
increasingly fitful. Sam was starting to wonder if Dean was having nightmares
and he wasn’t sure how to approach that subject with Dean. He knew he could use
his status as Dean’s alpha to get him to tell him anything he wanted. But Sam
didn’t want that. He wanted Dean to tell him stuff because he wanted to.
Sam stepped out of the Impala and waved at Bobby who had stepped out on the
front porch when the boys arrived. Dean didn’t get out of the car. He just
curled into himself a little more in the seat. Sam went over to the passenger
side and opened the door. He knelt down by Dean and said softly, “Dean, we are
at Bobby’s. He hasn’t seen you in a long time. Do you want to get out of the
car and say hi?”
Dean glanced up at Sam and then he looked back down. He whispered when he
spoke, “I’m scared. Do.. Do you think he is going to hurt me?”
Sam reached out and ran a hand through Dean’s hair. He kept his voice gentle,
“No, of course not. Bobby is a beta remember and I promised you I will protect
you. No other alpha is going to put their hands on you.”
Dean chewed on his lip for a moment before slowly getting out of the car. He
curled his arms around himself and leaned on Sam as he walked up the front
stairs to Bobby’s place. Bobby didn’t say anything he just opened the door so
they could walk inside. Dean shivered when the air conditioning hit his body
and he curled into Sam a little more.
Sam led Dean over to the sofa and sat Dean down. Bobby stared at the shivering
omega on his sofa for a few moments before he let out a slow breath. “Jesus, I
swear if I ever see your daddy again. There will be hell to pay for this.”
Sam rolled his eyes and glanced at Bobby as he opened the linen closet. “Dad is
in jail, but I don’t know for how long. If he would have done this to an alpha
or a beta he would never get out. But since Dean is an omega. He will probably
only get probation or something stupid.”
Sam pulled a blanket out of the linen closet and walked back over to Dean. He
leaned Dean back on the sofa and pulled his legs up off the floor. Then he
wrapped the blanket around his brother. His voice was that of a stern alpha
when he spoke, “Dean, if you get too warm then you can take the blanket off and
I want you to wrap yourself up in the blanket if you get cold. If you can’t get
warm, you have to let Bobby or I know. Do you understand?”
Dean snuggled down in the blanket and his eyelids drooped, “Yes, Alpha. Thank
you, Alpha.”
Sam sighed and turned back to Bobby who was glaring, “Sorry.” He murmured. “We
should talk about this in the other room. Dean has been very tired lately.”
Bobby nodded in agreement and they walked into the dining room. He turned and
started glaring at Sam again. His voice was sharp. “Why are you ordering Dean
around like that?”
Sam sighed and sat down. “I tried not to at first and Dean just got upset. He
thought I was going to send him back to the shelter or sell him. I don’t tell
him to do anything that will hurt him. Omegas get cold. He needs to be warm or
at least comfortable. He needs to eat and I don’t want him eating out of bowls
on the floor, so I have to order him to sit at a table.”
Bobby’s gaze softened but his voice was still firm, “You better be treating
your brother with respect. Are you letting him make choices for himself?”
Sam let out an exasperated laugh, “Yeah, I guess. Well, I try too. Decisions
are difficult for him to make because he was conditioned to believe he wasn’t
capable of making them.  I don’t know maybe you will have better luck than me.”
Bobby pulled two beers out of the fridge and sat one down in front of Sam. He
sat down and rubbed his hands over his face.  Bobby gathered his thoughts and
said carefully, “What sort of decisions have you asked Dean to make?”
Sam shrugged, “I told him he could move freely around my apartment and the
motels we stayed at. He would just sit down on the floor by me and lean his
head on my knee. When I ask him what he wants to eat he just starts to shake. I
have found that if I narrow it down to two choices he will pick. It is hard
though because I don’t remember a lot about what he liked and I don’t want to
cross something off the list he actually likes.”
Bobby took a drink of his beer and looked thoughtfully into the other room. He
was mildly angry when he replied, “We will get through it, Sam.”
++
Dean was laying on the sofa at Bobby’s house with half open eyes. He could hear
Sam and Bobby talking in the kitchen. It comforted him to be able to hear his
alpha’s voice but it sounded like Sam was in trouble because of him. Dean shook
a little at the thought of Sam getting in trouble because that meant he would
get in trouble and he would likely get punished.
He wondered how Sam would punish him. Dean knows Sam said that he would never
hurt him but punishment isn’t about hurting someone. It is about correction.
Dean closed his eyes and let a couple tears fall down his face. He wished he
knew how to please Sam but he wasn’t like any other alpha he’d ever met. Dean
let the tears fall down his face until he slowly drifted off to sleep.
An unseen voice said, “You are nothing but a stupid omega slut.” The unseen
voice moved towards Dean who was chained to the floor. He tried to move away
but the voice approached him. He could hear the footsteps as it inched closer.
Then he could smell it, an alpha, but not his father or Sammy. This one was
unknown to him.
Dean felt fear grip his chest as the unknown alpha grabbed hold of his arm and
pulled. He let out a yell and tried to pull away. Only to feel the sharp sting
of a hand across his face. His movements became more frantic in a desperate
attempt to escape to get away from this unknown alpha. But each movement caused
more pain. The alpha was rough as he pinned Dean to the ground one leg pinning
his legs and another hand holding both of his wrists in the small of his back.
Then the alpha started spanking him hard with his bare hand. With each stroke,
he said a harsh statement, “Worthless.” “Stupid.” “Whore.” “Omega Trash.” The
alpha repeated those statements over and over again. At first Dean cried out
with each hit, but eventually, his body went limp with only silent tears
running down his face. He could still feel the pain and the humiliation. He
wanted it to stop.
When he felt like he couldn’t take anymore, the unknown alpha said, “Tell me
what you are.” He stopped his movements and waited for Dean’s reply.
Dean pulled his head up to look back at the alpha, but in the dimly lit room he
couldn’t make out the alpha’s face. He didn’t know what the alpha wanted to
hear. He didn’t think he was any of those things the alpha called him and he
didn’t want to be those things. In a broken voice, Dean said, “I am an omega.”
He felt the alpha release his arms only to grab hold of his hair and pull his
head back painfully. His voice was filled with hate, “You are a worthless,
stupid, whore, omega trash.” He pulled Dean’s head back a little further and
Dean screamed. “Say it.” He said.
Dean let out a sob and lowered his eyes. Then the pain started again. He was
slapped this time to his face. Each slap was accompanied by a harsh “Say it.”
But he couldn’t, he couldn’t say it, not yet.
There were hands on his shoulders and a frantic voice, “Dean, you have to wake
up.” The hands shook him. “Dean, come on man. Wake up, you’re having a
nightmare.” He felt pulled from his dreams and he smelled the scent of his
alpha, his Sammy. He opened his eyes to look at Sam and he saw Bobby standing
over Sam’s shoulder.
Dean swallowed hard and whimpered. He didn’t want to get punished but they
didn’t look happy. He wasn’t being a good omega. He wasn’t being pleasing. He
knew better than to speak. An alpha never wanted to hear an omega’s excuses. He
just lowered his head to his chest and whimpered.
Sam let out a sigh. He carefully lifted up Dean’s head so Dean was looking at
him. He softened his expression and spoke gently, “Dean, I am not mad at you.
It is not your fault you had a bad dream. Are you okay?”
Dean didn’t want to answer. He didn’t know how to answer. He knew he should
tell his alpha the truth but he didn’t know what the result of that would be.
Bobby still didn’t look happy despite Sam’s reassurance. Dean closed his eyes
and let the tears fall down his face as he whimpered.
Sam carefully wiped the tears away from Dean’s face. It was gentle and he
couldn’t help but lean into it. Sam spoke again. His voice had an edge of alpha
strength but it was still kind. “Please answer me, Dean.”
Dean choked out a sob and said, “I’m scared.”
Sam stood up and pulled off his shirts. He looked at Bobby and said nervously,
“This is clinical, I swear, and I am not hurting him.” Bobby nodded for
approval and Sam gently pulled Dean up slightly. He sat down on the sofa behind
Dean and pulled his brother on top of him. Dean’s head was resting on Sam’s
bare chest and Sam wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist.
Dean moved his nose to get closer to Sam’s skin. He rubbed his neck
possessively across Sam’s chest. Then his breathing started to even out and his
crying stopped. He reached out a hand and took hold of Sam’s arm. He held
tight. As Dean held onto Sam he whispered, “Sorry, Alpha.”
Sam gave him a light squeeze and said reassuringly, “You have nothing to be
sorry for.” He paused as he glanced up at Bobby who had an impressed look on
his face. “Can you tell me why you were scared? You’re not in trouble, no
matter what it is.”
Dean clamped down his hand tighter on Sam’s arm and glanced up at Bobby. He
turned his head to speak into Sam’s chest, “Just a memory. An alpha was.. was
hurting me.”
Sam nodded and asked, “Do you know who the name of the alpha that hurt you?”
Dean shook his head and said, “No. I couldn’t really see his face, but ah..
most of the time they didn’t tell their names anyways.”
Sam pulled Dean a little closer and said into his hair, “I promise that is
never going to happen to you again.”
Dean bit down on his lip and nodded.
 
 
***** The Collaring *****
Bobby didn’t really know the first thing about Alphas and Omegas. Sure, he
heard about them and he raised Sam through his teen years. But Sam kept his
alpha side under wraps and controlled. Bobby had never seen an adult omega
unclaimed out in public.  He knew Dean before Dean went into his first heat. He
actually felt bad for the boy, but the boy would just look at Bobby in
confusion when he tried to get him to do anything different or think for
himself.
Bobby remembered Dean always being by Sam’s side tending to his every need and
when Sam was in school Dean was out in the salvage yard working on broken down
cars. The boy had a real knack for it and as Bobby recalled it was the only
time he ever saw the boy’s face light up. It broke Bobby’s heart when he found
out that John claimed Dean. He was hoping for something more for Dean.
He didn’t understand why John abandoned Sam with him like he did. But Bobby
never questioned it. He was just grateful Sam was safe and he had a chance to
get the nonsense of gender inequality out of this head. Bobby wasn’t sure what
to do with the boys now that they were both adults and Dean was clearly messed
up.
Bobby wasn’t a doctor but he guessed Dean had a fair amount of brainwashing
done combined with post-traumatic stress disorder. He didn’t know how Dean was
going to turn out in the end or if he was just going to be a shell of a person.
Bobby knew they had laws for ownership of an omega so he set out on researching
those. He knew if nothing else; he could make sure Dean stayed with either him
or Sam.
++
After two weeks at Bobby’s house, Dean had yet to go outside and Bobby’s house
was cleaner than it had been in years. Dean cleaned all day and cowered in the
corner whenever anyone entered the room. It always took some coaxing to get him
to come out. Bobby hated to admit it but Sam had an easier time getting Dean to
relax than he did. He was fairly certain it was because Dean viewed Sam as his
alpha but his pride wouldn’t let him admit that.
Bobby had done a great deal of research on laws pertaining for omegas and today
Bobby received a package. It was something special that would allow Dean
slightly more freedom of movement. It would allow Dean to go outside, work in
the salvage yard, and even go to the store with him or Sam. He was tentatively
excited about it, but he was unsure of how Sam would react.
Bobby called from his office, “Sam, come here please.”
Bobby heard rustling and Sam came into the room looking at him expectantly. Sam
smiled at Bobby and asked, “What is going on?”
Bobby pulled out a small box and sat in on the end of the table. Sam eyed it
for a moment before looking back up at Bobby. Carefully Bobby said, “I’ve done
some research on South Dakota law regarding omegas and it requires that Dean be
collared or he could be claimed by another alpha. There are pretty specific
requirements for a collar so I ordered one for Dean.”
Sam scoffed at the idea. This went against everything in his advocating. He
crossed his arms and said, “I am not going to collar Dean like some animal.”
Bobby nodded having had expected this argument. He was after all the one who
put these ideas in Sam’s head. Bobby made an effort to keep his voice as
neutral as possible. “Sam, this isn’t about treating Dean like an animal. It is
protecting him from other alphas that may want to claim him. You know that
without a collar any alpha can lay claim to him if you aren’t around. You are
the only thing protecting him and you are doing a great job protecting him. But
this will give him a little more freedom of movement. He can go outside around
the yard on his own accord and feel safe.”
Sam closed his eyes and counted to ten while he centered himself. He was torn
in more ways than he could count. His alpha side wanted to collar him for no
other reason than it being an act of claiming. His advocate side screamed this
is just objectifying Dean. His rational side said this isn’t about objectifying
anybody. It is about safety and giving more freedom. Sam wasn’t sure how he
felt about the very real concept of a collar giving someone more freedom. It
seemed wrong to him, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Society
set those rules.
Sam opened his eyes and picked up the box without saying a word. He wanted to
see what exactly the collar looked like. If it looked like the one Rumsfeld had
it wasn’t going to work. Sam carefully opened the box and took out a silver
colored collar that was one inch thick. It was smooth all around and shined in
the light. It had a simple ring in the front which Sam assumed was to attach a
leash. His blood boiled a little at the thought of putting Dean on a leash.
However, he knew some places including government offices still had leash laws
pertaining to omegas.
Sam moved the collar around in his hand and saw the locking mechanism in back.
He knew once this collar was put on Dean, it would literally have to be cut
off. Sam saw engraving near the lock that flowed in cursive along the bottom of
the collar. It read, “Omega of Samuel Winchester. His Dean.” Sam ran his
fingers over the wording. He thought about how usually the wording was much
harsher and the omega was almost never named. Omegas didn’t have names as far
as the government was concerned.
Sam looked up from the collar and made eye contact with Bobby. He nervously
fiddled with the collar and said appreciatively, “Thanks, it is nice. I hope
Dean likes it.”
Bobby leaned back and stared at Sam for a moment before explaining, “I wasn’t
sure if Dean was allergic to any metals. This is made out of titanium. It is
supposed to be the metal least likely to cause any sort of allergy. Now, this
collar will have to be cut off of him once you put it on. From what I read, it
is not necessary but it helps the omega feel more secure. I think Dean needs
secure right now.”
Bobby stood and ran his hands over his face and motioned towards Sam. “Well
don’t stand there like an idjit. Go see if Dean will accept it.”
++
Sam was nervous about proposing the collar to Dean, not because he feared Dean
wouldn’t accept it. He knew Dean would accept it. He was just concerned about
if this would affect Dean’s opinion of him. The last thing Sam wanted was for
Dean to think he was turning into one of the alphas that hurt him.
Sam found Dean neatly folding and refolding the towels. He had no idea why Dean
was doing this but guessed it was just something to keep him busy. Dean had not
taken them up on watching TV or reading a book. Dean looked up and saw Sam from
where he was sitting. Dean quickly finished folding the towel. Then he cowered
back against the wall keeping his eyes downcast.
Sam knelt down by Dean and said softly, “Dean, you’re not in trouble. I want
you to look at me.” Dean glanced up and made eye contact then his eyes shot
back down. Sam knew it was difficult for Dean to actually look at someone.
Carefully Sam showed Dean the collar. He watched as Dean’s eyes locked with it.
Sam noticed the tightness in Dean’s jaw which he could tell was fear. Dean was
afraid. Sam sat down on the floor next to Dean to look less imposing. He
crossed his legs and asked casually, “Did Dad collar you?”
Dean glanced up at Sam and shook his head, yes, but he didn’t say anything. Sam
could see the fear in Dean’s eyes. He also already knew Dean was collared by
their father. He had seen it many times on his sporadic visits over the years.
Smugly, Sam thought about how this collar is nicer than the one Dean had with
their father.
Sam took a deep breath and said, “Dean, it is always okay to tell me or Bobby
how you feel.” Sam paused to make sure Dean was processing what he was saying.
“Dean, do you know why I want to collar you?”
Dean flexed his jaw a couple times before he finally said with a shaky voice.
“So you can control me better and show your ownership of me.”
Sam fiddled with the collar in his hand for a moment. “No, that is not it. This
collar will help protect you from other alphas who may want to take you away
from Bobby and me. You will be able to go outside and work out in the yard or
just walk around. I know you used to like working on cars. You will be able to
do that again. I want you to be happy.”
Dean nodded but his jaw was still tight, “Do you still mean what you said
before?.. About not hurting me?”
Sam gave Dean a sympathetic look and spoke firmly, “Yes Dean. I am not going to
hurt you and I will always protect you.” He paused and took in Dean’s face. He
knew Dean needed more reassurance. “You’re my omega. Nothing to me is more
precious. Will you wear my collar?”
Dean closed his eyes and his expression relaxed. His breaths were shallow when
he said, “Yes Sammy.” He leaned his head forward and offered out his neck to
Sam. Dean felt Sam gently place the collar around his neck and secure it. He
wasn’t sure how he felt about having a collar around his neck again. It was a
reminder of a much darker time in his life.
Dean leaned his head against the wall after Sam moved his hands away. He felt a
few tears he didn’t know he was holding in the roll down his face. He
remembered when his dad put a collar on him. It wasn’t gentle and he was given
a completely different reason. His father’s words were seared into his memory.
“This is for your own good. You are nothing and worthless. This collar is only
so the garbage men don’t take you away to the dump like the piece of trash you
are.”His mind replayed his father’s words every time he touched the collar
until the people at the shelter cut it off.
He hoped Sam would be true to his word and not hurt him. Dean knew he wasn’t
okay. He knew he wasn’t the strong older brother Sam wanted or dreamed about.
Sometimes, Dean wondered how Sam viewed him in his dreams. He wondered if he
was still an omega. He wondered if he defended Sam instead of the other way
around. Dean wondered who he would be if he wasn’t an omega.
Sometimes, he lays awake at night and wishes he was just one of those feral
humans his father hunted. He thinks it would be nice to live in a world that
wasn’t classified by alpha, beta, or omega. The world where everyone was simply
humans like the feral ones. They gave off no scent. They were just equal. He
wonders what the world was like before the plague that changed most of the
population. He knew he would never know.
***** The Doctor *****
Sam advised Dean in their first days together that he was going to take him to
the doctor. Dean’s response made Sam second guess his stance on wanting to do
that. However, now that Dean was collared and every t has been crossed on the
ownership paperwork for Dean. Sam felt it was time to make sure Dean was
getting better physically.
He wasn’t sure what to do about the mental aspect. Dean was suffering inside
his own mind and Sam did not know how to make it better. The only thing that
seemed to help was if he was near but Sam didn’t know if that was actually
helping or just pushing the thoughts of Dean’s past trauma out of his mind. Sam
never studied psychology but from what he gathered online. Dean will have to
work through his abuse at his own pace and it could take years.
Sam wasn’t sure about the internet recommendation of getting Dean professional
help. It recommended getting an outsider to the whole situation for Dean to
talk to and someone who had a better grasp of mental health than he did. Sam
knew there were risks with that, even if he could find a counselor willing to
take on an omega. The counselor could tell Dean that what he experienced is how
an omega is treated. The fear of Dean’s abuse not being validated is what keeps
Sam from seeking more help for his brother.  
Sam felt that it wasn’t right to make a rush decision on going to the doctor
and he wanted to let Dean have some input on it or at least give the appearance
that he was getting input. He had been unable to find any clinics for omegas
that partnered with rights groups, so Sam knew that chances are Dean would not
be treated well during the office visit. This is why he wanted Dean to
understand and to be on board with the checkup.
Dean was cowering in the corner of the bedroom they shared when Sam found him.
Each of the twin beds in the room was neatly made and not a speck of dust
anywhere to be seen. Sam wasn’t sure what he was doing in the room, but when
Sam knelt down by Dean he saw that his eyes were glazed over and his face had
dried tears on it.
Softly Sam asked as he sat down fully on the floor, “Dean, are you okay?” He
didn’t get a response. “Dean, can you hear me?” Still, he didn’t get a
response.
Carefully Sam reached out a hand and touched Dean on the shoulder and Dean’s
body went ridged. Dean’s breathing increased to the point where Sam was afraid
he was hyperventilating. Sam moved his hand away and called out down the
hallway hoping Bobby would hear him, “Bobby, I need your help something is
wrong with Dean.”
It only took a few moments for Bobby to rush into the bedroom and see the boys
in the corner. Bobby sighed and said as calmly as he could, “Dean, are you
okay?” Bobby didn’t have any luck with getting a response from him either. He
knelt down next to Sam and said, “Balls. Let me make some calls.”
Sam nodded, not knowing what else to do. He stared helplessly at his brother
wishing he knew what to do. Sam started to whisper reassurances to Dean hoping
he would come back to him. He said, “You’re okay.” “You’re safe.” “I’m not
leaving you.” “You are loved.” “You are valued.” “You are the most important
thing to me.” “Please Dean, come back to me.”
Slowly Dean started to blink his eyes rapidly. Then he moved his fingertips and
flexed his hands. His vision was still blurry clouded with haze inside his
mind. He took a deep breath and felt himself shutter. Sam was near and he
didn’t want Sam to see him like this. He didn’t want Sam to know how broken he
really was. Dean didn’t want Sam to know that sometimes, he just got lost in
his own head reliving past events and unable to escape. He was always unable to
escape, always.
Sam breathed a sigh of relief when Dean started to move. He wasn’t sure what to
do. Carefully Sam asked, “Dean, can you hear me?”
Dean didn’t look up he just replied with broken, “Yes, Alpha.”
Sam nodded and moved a little closer to Dean and gauged his reaction. He didn’t
want to scare him but his alpha side was screaming so loudly to scent him it
was hard to ignore. His rational side wasn’t even putting up much of an
argument because right now. Sam just wanted to hug Dean and never let go.
Sam moved slowly to give Dean plenty of time to react so that he was sitting
next to Dean. Then he pulled his brother into a hug that left Dean’s head
resting on his shoulder. Dean let out a long breath into the embrace which Sam
took as a good sign. He wasn’t sure if making Dean talk right now was what Dean
needed or if Dean just needed the feeling of safety.
Dean closed his eyes once Sam started to hold him. It was warm and safe. It
made everything that was wrong in Dean’s mind just melt away and he relished
the comfort that was his alpha, his Sam. He knew he should say something or
offer some sort of explanation. Unlike other alphas, Dean noticed that Sam
always seemed to want to know what was going on in his head and if he was
happy.
Dean had no idea why Sam would care about that stuff. No one else cared about
him in his entire life and part of him was angry for it taking so long for
anyone to care. But Dean always had to remind himself that no one cares about
omegas. Dean knew that omegas were expendable and unwanted once they no longer
had a purpose. He didn’t know what his purpose was for Sam and Bobby. It scared
Dean to think about how he didn’t really know how long he was going to enjoy
the safety Sam provided.
+++
In the end, Bobby ended up setting a doctor’s appointment for Dean. He called
in some favors and got Dean setup at the best clinic for omegas in the city.
Still, Bobby was uneasy about Dean going to the doctor. He heard how they could
be towards omegas. The last thing he wanted was for this to scar Dean further.
However, right now, Bobby knew it was just a matter of wait and see.
Sam arrived at the clinic in midafternoon. Bobby had given him a leash for Dean
since the clinic had a leash rule. Sam and Dean were currently sitting in the
parking lot with Sam staring at the leash in a daze. He didn’t want to put his
brother on a leash. It would go against everything he was advocating for, but
it was the only way to get Dean help. Sam knew it would be objectifying Dean.
There was no doubt in his mind about that.
He knew the reasons for the leash rules. It was because treatment for an omega
may not be desired by an omega. It was a means of control. It was something to
give the staff or the omega’s alpha more control. His alpha side liked having
more control over Dean, but that desire was always tainted by his rational side
that said it was wrong to want that.
Sam was busy mulling over everything in his head when he heard Dean speak
quietly, “It is okay, Sam.”
Sam looked up half in a daze at Dean, “What?”
Dean shrugged and looked away. His voice dropped a little like he didn’t want
to say it, “The leash. It is okay. It’s not like it will be the first time I
have been put on a leash.”
Sam nodded and looked back down at the leash, “I know but it doesn’t make it
right.”
Dean stared out the window for a few moments before he said, “You and Bobby
think that me going to the doctor is the right thing to do. I trust you.”
Sam took a deep breath and got out of the Impala. He walked over to the
passenger side and opened the door. He knelt down and attached the leash to
Dean’s collar. He made eye contact with Dean as he started to stand and said
softly, “I’m sorry.”
++
The waiting room at the clinic was a bizarre experience by Sam’s standards. The
omegas, for the most part, were naked kneeling at their alpha’s feet. Dean was
the only one that was fully dressed. Sam also noted Dean was the only one that
looked clean but he was aware that Dean did not look healthy. Sam wondered how
much of his perception of the other omegas was clouded by his own mind wanting
his omega to be the best. Sam would never know the answer to that internal
pondering.
A young alpha called out, “Sam Winchester?”
Sam walked over to her with Dean still on the leash. The leash made Sam want to
throw up but he was doing his best to keep everything together. He knew he
couldn’t let the leash issue distract him from the task at hand which was
getting help for Dean.
The young alpha led Sam and Dean into an exam room. She glanced at Dean briefly
then said the Sam resolutely, “You should have your omega undress. The doctor
will be in shortly.”
Sam glanced around the exam room. It was bare except for one chair and a metal
exam table with stirrups. The air was chilly so Sam stated clearly, “I have no
problem having my omega undress. However, I will need a blanket or something to
cover him with. I do not desire him to be cold.”
The young alpha gave Sam a funny look and said, “What does it matter if he is
cold?”
Sam quirked and eyebrow and said simply, “I believe how I care for my omega is
my choice as his alpha. Are you challenging my ability to know what is right
for my omega?”
The young alpha stepped back and shook her head no. She was nervous when she
replied, “No, of course not. I am sorry. I will get you a blanket.”
She closed the door behind her and Sam breathed a sigh of relief. Dean was
standing behind Sam with his head down shaking. Sam turned around and ran a
hand up and down Dean’s arm. He spoke softly, “It is okay, Dean. I promise.”
The young alpha returned in record time and sheepishly gave Sam the blanket
without saying a word. After she left Sam unhooked the leash so Dean could
undress. Sam didn’t miss how Dean shook when he took his clothes off. This was
the first time, Sam had seen Dean naked since his last heat. Dean was still
thin and even though Sam’s memory erased the scars covering Dean’s body. The
scars were still very much there.
Sam carefully wrapped the blanket around Dean, who decided to cower in the
corner of the room. Sam let him but he decided to sit down on the floor next to
Dean. He knew he could sit in the chair by Dean, but he didn’t want to do that.
He wanted Dean to understand that they were equal but Sam knew that message was
not getting through to his brother.
After a few minutes, the doctor walked into the room. She had mid-length dark
brown hair. She smiled at them with a clipboard in her hand. She was a beta.
Her voice was calm with an edge to it, “I am Dr. Richardson. Could you please
have your omega come sit on the exam table?”
Sam nodded and stood up. He helped Dean to his feet and led him over to the
table. Dean sat down on the edge of the table as his body shook. Sam could see
the fear in Dean’s eyes. It made him wonder what another sort of doctors his
father had taken Dean to in the past.  Sam didn’t know but he figured that
based on the number of illegal things that happened to Dean, it was probably a
back alley doctor.
Sam watched carefully as the doctor felt around Dean’s throat, checked his
ears, shined a light in his eyes and listened to his heart. The doctor leans
Dean back on the table and much to Sam’s surprise she took extra care to make
sure Dean was still covered with the blanket. She felt around his ribs and
pushed on his abdomen silently.
Then she stopped and made eye contact with Sam. “I need to check his private
parts. Can you tell him to put his feet in the stirrups?”
Sam nodded and said to Dean softly, “Dean, the doctor is not going to hurt you.
She wants to make sure you are okay so you need to put your feet in the
stirrups.”
Dean obediently put his feet in the stirrups and his whole body shook. He
started to cry and wrapped his fingers around the edge of the exam table. Sam
walked over and took a hold of one of Dean’s hands. He held the hand gently up
to his chest and put his over hand on the side of Dean’s face. He kept his
voice soft as the doctor did her exam. “Dean look at me. I am not leaving you
and you are safe. Just breathe. It will be over soon, I promise.”
Sam noticed that the doctor took samples of something using swabs from Dean.
But she didn’t take long for the examination, much to Sam’s relief. Once she
was done with the exam she said in a professional tone. “I want to take some
blood samples from the omega. I will have my nurse come in to get the blood. He
can get dressed, as long as she can get to his arm. We should be fine.”
++
The nurse took Dean’s blood without a word to either Sam or Dean. Sam wasn’t
sure what to make of that but Dean seemed to relax slightly after getting
dressed. He huddled himself next to Sam in the room taking in his alpha’s
scent. This experience was scary for Dean. He didn’t really have good memories
of doctor’s offices. He knew how omegas were treated and he doubted this place
was any different.
They were left in the exam room for an hour after the blood was drawn before
Dr. Richardson came back. She had a frown on her face and she still had the
clipboard in her hands. She avoided eye contact with Sam when she spoke, “Sam,
we have a couple of different treatment options for your omega. I am going to
start with the one I recommend.”
She paused for a moment and made eye contact with Sam before looking back down.
“Your omega is severely underweight and I read from his file that you got him
at a shelter in California. He is anemic and he does have a high white blood
cell count. I also couldn’t help but notice that he stresses easily. With all
that in mind, I think it would be best to euthanize the omega.”
Sam was standing when she spoke, but Dean was sitting on the floor. When the
doctor suggested euthanasia Sam didn’t miss it when Dean grabbed onto his leg
and whimpered. Sam had no doubt Dean was crying and absolutely terrified that
he was going to have him killed. Firmly Sam replied, “Absolutely not.”
Dr. Richardson gave Sam a sympathetic look and spoke in a caring tone, “Sam,
you’re not the first alpha that adopts an abused omega with the idea of making
him better. The fact is you can euthanize this one and adopt a healthy one
cheaper than the cost of treatment. Once omegas serve their purpose it doesn’t
help society if we fixate on them and not adopt an omega that still serves a
purpose.”
Sam could hear Dean’s breathing becoming more labored. He knew Dean was getting
quite upset. Sam decided it was best to act like an alpha in this situation so
he did. He spoke sternly, “I make the choice when my omega has served his
purpose, not you. Cost is not an issue for me with treating him. He will not be
euthanized. What are the other treatment options?”
Dr. Richardson nodded and looked back down at her clipboard, “He will need iron
supplements. I want to give him an antibiotic to help him fight whatever
infection he is trying to fight. The omega needs to be on a high protein diet.
I can have a feeding line put in through his nose for you to deliver the food
since he seems to have a problem eating.”
Sam cut her off and said sternly, “He doesn’t have a problem eating. Dean has
been putting on weight slowly since he has been with me. Our father was
starving him.”
Dr. Richardson looked surprised and said, “Oh, you’re brothers. That would
explain why you don’t want to give up on him. Um… Since he is a male omega. He
will go into heat 4 times a year. If an omega is infertile, it will make the
heat more painful and it will last slightly longer. I can give him a
prescription that will stop him from going into heat. It doesn’t have any
negative side effects and he can still perform sexually.”
Sam nodded and said firmly, “That sounds good. I don’t want to put a feeding
line in him at this point. If you could just advise what sort of foods he
should be eating and how many grams of protein he should be getting a day that
would help.”
Dr. Richardson nodded and turned to leave. She stopped at the doorway and
looked back. She was unsure when she spoke, “Sam, you may want to look up Dr.
Gaines. He is an omega rights activist and he counsels abused omegas. He may be
able to help your omega.”
***** Aftermath of the Doctor's Visit *****
Chapter Summary
     The majority of this chapter is written from Dean's viewpoint.
To say the doctor’s visit went well would not be the truth. It took Sam a good
fifteen minutes to calm Dean down after the doctor left the room before they
could leave. Dean was terrified that Sam was going to have him killed but he
didn’t speak any words. Instead, he just sobbed and trembled on the floor while
holding onto Sam for dear life.
Dean was now curled up in a ball in the Impala silently crying to himself. Sam
had no idea what was going through Dean’s head, but Dr. Richardson acted like
what Sam feared. Sam did blame himself for the situation to some degree. He
should have made it clear beforehand that euthanasia was not an option or
something he was willing to entertain. Sam didn’t really pay attention to her
reasoning on why Dean should be euthanized but he had a feeling Dean played
very close attention to that.
Sam pulled the Impala into the salvage yard and steadily got out of the car.
Dean didn’t move. He was scared about what the doctor said and part of him
believed she was right. It was what everyone said but Sam and Bobby. No one
cared about omegas and they wanted to kill him. Dean wasn’t sure what he did
wrong to cause them to want that. He obeyed his father. He obeyed the people at
the shelter and now he obeys Sam. He doesn’t know what else he can do.
Dean’s not sure where he went wrong but he thinks that maybe he wasn’t strong
enough, maybe he didn’t give enough of himself or too much of himself. He knows
that he is ill but the state of his body was what his father desired and Sam is
slowly undoing it. He doesn’t know how to make it go faster. He doesn’t know
how to be whatever they want him to be faster or if he even can. Dean knows he
is broken and now he is starting to wonder if he is broken beyond repair. He
knows that the doctor thinks there is no hope for him. Dean can’t help but
wonder when Sam will start to feel the same way.
Dean doesn’t notice when Sam leads him out of the Impala and into the living
room. It doesn’t register with him when Sam sits him down on the sofa and takes
off his shoes. He doesn’t notice when Sam puts a light blanket over his hunched
shoulders. All that is running through his mind is he has no purpose so he
should be killed.
Dean hears Bobby’s voice and he sound concerned, but Dean cannot understand
why. He hears him say, “Is Dean okay? He looks upset.” Pity, Dean thinks. He
must be getting Bobby’s pity before him and Sam decides to do what the doctor
recommended anyways. That would be figure since they always seemed so
different.
He hears Sam’s voice next. Dean notes that his alpha sounds aggravated and he
has no doubt it is his fault. He didn’t conform to what they wanted fast enough
but Sam doesn’t say that. He says, “Dr. Richardson is an idiot. She told me to
kill Dean and Dean has been like this ever since. I did get medications and a
copy of foods he should be eating once I told her twice I am not killing Dean.
She also gave me a recommendation for a different doctor who may be able to
counsel Dean.”
Dean heard himself whimper and even to his own ears he sounded weak. He wasn’t
a pleasing omega and he knew he hadn’t been pleasing since Sam took ownership
of him. He could never figure out what Sam wanted so now he guessed he
understood. This was why the doctor said he had no purpose. He didn’t know how
to please his alpha.
He heard Bobby’s voice again. It was reassuring and he felt Bobby pat him
lightly on the shoulder. Bobby said, “Don’t let the idjits get to you, Dean.
You’re fine. You’re safe and no one is going to kill you. She was a damn fool
for even suggesting that.”
Dean wasn’t sure what to make of what was going on. He just wanted to crawl
into the corner and never leave. He just wanted to go unnoticed and then maybe
no one would want to kill him. Maybe he could figure out how to please Sam if
he just hid long enough, but Dean wasn’t sure if that was right. Sam always
wanted him to come out of the corner. Sam wanted him to relax and be happy.
Dean didn’t know what happiness was. As he blankly gazed into space searching
his memory he was certain he had never felt happiness. He knew fear,
submission, and nothingness, but he did not know happiness. Dean thought back
to his childhood and tried to think of happy times. Sam was always there and
his responsible since he was 4.
Dean recalled not knowing how to care for an infant and getting beaten because
of it. He lived in fear for the 12 years he had to raise Sam. Not because he
was afraid Sam would do anything to him, but he was afraid his father would be
disappointed in how Sam was being raised.
Dean remembered once when Sam eight. Sam was sick and running a fever. They
didn’t have any medicine to get the temperature down. Dean knew he couldn’t go
out to get anything because he was an omega. He did what he could until his
father got home. But still, his father was not pleased. John blamed Dean for
getting Sam sick and not caring for him properly. John beat Dean with his belt
until Dean’s back was a bloody mess. Then he left to go get Sam medicine.
Dean thought he deserved it at the time and he still thought he did. But it was
not the beating that brought this memory to mind. It was Sam who got up with a
fever and helped Dean up off the floor. Sam who wiped way the blood from Dean’s
back without asking for anything in return. Sam who kissed his back softly and
whispered, “All better.” Before he returned to his bed before John got back.
The memory made Dean realize something. Maybe Sam treating him the way he was
been was just Sam being Sam. Maybe that is why John didn’t want Sam. Dean tried
to pinpoint in his mind why Sam would do that. What was it that made Sam
different? He wondered if it was just pity or if it was that he actually cared.
He wondered if it would be safe to ask Sam.
+++
Bobby wasn’t a mental health expert but he believed problems could be solved by
whiskey and comfort food. He figured Sam would be less than pleased if he got
Dean drunk and he didn’t even know if Dean was healthy enough to be drinking.
He decided to save that for another day.
He decided on grilling some burgers and corn which was nice comfort food in
Bobby’s book. It got them outside at the very least and the sun couldn’t hurt
Dean. Sam wasn’t too thrilled with the idea of having burgers because he didn’t
think Dean needed greasy food. Bobby reasoned with Sam that burgers were high
in protein and therefore a reasonable dinner option. Sam relented in defeat and
agreed to burgers.
Bobby sat Dean down on one of the porch stairs as he tended to the charcoal
grill a few feet away. Dean still wasn’t talking but at least he had stopped
crying, now the boy just looked blankly into space.
Bobby wasn’t patient with getting the grill ready and decided to pour lighter
fluid over the coals. It caused flames to shoot up from the grill along with a
lot of smoke. The smoke had Bobby gagging for air as he covered his face with
his arm and stepped away. Bobby took a couple deep breaths to get himself back
under control then he turned to look at Dean, who had a concerned look on his
face.
Bobby put on his best fake smile and said, “The grill got the better of me. Are
you okay, Dean?”
Dean looked away for a moment before turning his head back to Bobby. He made
eye contact with Bobby, which shocked the older man. That wasn’t normal for
Dean. Then Dean broke eye contact with Bobby and stared off into the salvage
yard. His voice was broken, “No, Bobby.”
Bobby sat down next to Dean figuring he had time to chat while the coals got
ready. He rubbed his face a couple times trying to think of the right words to
say and the right way to say it. Carefully with concern in his voice, he asked,
“Can you tell me what is wrong?”
Dean shrugged and said in the same broken voice that cracked when he spoke, “I
don’t know how to please Sam. I don’t know what purpose I serve him. I.. I
don’t know how to be what he wants.”
Bobby let out a long breath as he thought about what the hell to say to that.
Bobby had never particularly cared about pleasing anybody, so he didn’t know
how to relate to Dean in that regard. Then he realized that Sam had never
spoken once about wanting Dean to be a certain way. He had only voiced concern
for Dean and feared to hurt him further. Bobby reasoned that was why Sam wasn’t
outside right now. He was working through things in his mind because he thought
he hurt Dean by taking him to the doctor.
Bobby thought awhile longer and finally he found something to say. Casually he
said, “Dean, I think that by being Sam’s brother. You have all the purpose you
need to Sam. I don’t think he wants to make you into anything. He just wants
you to be yourself, whatever that is.”
Dean fiddled with his hands for a few moments before he said softly, “I don’t
know what that means. I just want to be a good omega.”
Bobby sighed and patted Dean softly on the knee, “You will, son.” Then Bobby
got up to tend to the grill.
++
Sam was in Bobby’s office on his laptop looking up the medications Dr.
Richardson prescribed to Dean. He didn’t trust her and he wanted to make sure
nothing he gave Dean would hurt him. The last thing he wanted was to cause Dean
any more damage today.
Much to Sam’s relief everything that he was given seemed to have few side
effects, even the one to stop the heat. He did make a mental note of the side
effects in case they became an issue. The only other thing he noted is the
medication required that it was taken about 15 minutes before dinner.
Sam wandered out to the back porch. He watched Dean sit on the stair and Bobby
pretend he knew how to grill for a few moments before stepping outside. Sam sat
down next to Dean with a glass of water in one hand and the pills in the other.
He held out his hand with the pills towards Dean and said as gently as he
could, “I want you to take these.”
Dean glanced up at Sam and recoiled away from his brother. He thought this was
it. This was Sam choosing to kill him. He felt his breathing increase and his
vision became a little fuzzy. All he was thinking was an internal monolog of “I
don’t want to die. I can be good.”
Sam sat down the water and shifted his position so he was in front of Dean. He
wasn’t sure what set his brother off but he needed Dean to calm down. Sam said
softly but with an edge to it, “Dean, calm down. I am not going to hurt you.”
Dean pulled away further from Sam and pulled his legs up to his chest. He felt
trapped and all he wanted was just a few more moments. A few more breaths until
he met his end. He heard Sam sigh and say firmly, “Dean, tell me what is going
on.”
Dean spoke weakly because he could not deny Sam an answer with that tone, “I
don’t want to die, Alpha. Please don’t kill me.”
Dean watched Sam’s eyes drop and Sam shook his head before looking back up at
him. He felt Sam reach out and put his free hand on the side of his face and
said firmly, “I am not giving up on you, Dean. I promise you, I will never kill
you. These pills are just to help you get healthy and strong. Will you take
them for me?”
Dean nodded. He knew there was no getting out of his so he took the pills from
Sam’s hand and swallowed them. Then Sam made him drink some water before
pulling the glass away. Dean looked up at the blue sky wondering if this was
the last time he was going to see it.
 
***** In the Night *****
Sam noticed Dean was upset throughout the evening. There wasn’t much he could
do about it because Dean didn’t want to talk and Sam wasn’t sure if making him
talk was the right thing to do. Everything Sam had read told him that Dean
needs to process things at his own pace and to give him time. Still, Sam was
worried.
He didn’t understand what he did to cause Dean to think that he would actually
consider killing him. Sam was sure that it was what Dr. Richardson said but no
matter how many times he told Dean that he wasn’t going to kill him. It seemed
like the message just wasn’t getting through.
Bobby was on a mission the entire evening to cheer Dean up. They watched an old
movie together after dinner. It was one that was made before the plague before
the civilized world was either alpha, beta, or omega. Dean seemed disinterested
in the movie, which Sam wasn’t sure if it was just because the movie was
terrible or if it was because he had other things on his mind. Sam wished he
knew the right way to get Dean to open up so he could help him.
It was night now and Sam woke up abruptly from his sleep. He had been having
trouble sleeping all night. He was worried about Dean. Sam glanced over to
Dean’s bed and noticed Dean wasn’t there. Dean’s bed was neatly made, which
wasn’t uncommon for Dean. It had been something Sam noted before, even if Dean
got up to go to the restroom at night, he would always make his bed first.
Sam got up and glanced around the room. The last thing he wanted to do was
start yelling for Dean that would only serve to cause Dean to think he was in
trouble. The door to the room was closed and Sam was certain Dean would have
left it cracked if he left the room. Slowly, Sam got up and looked around the
room. He started to walk carefully around the room and he found Dean in the far
corner of the room.
Dean was curled up in a ball on the floor in the corner. Sam knelt down next to
Dean because he wasn’t sure if Dean was sleeping or not. He noticed Dean as
shivering and his fingertips were blue. Sam gently ran a hand through Dean’s
hair and felt his cool skin. He wondered how Dean got so cold then Sam
remembered there was an air conditioner vent in the corner of the room.
Sam carefully pulled Dean away from the corner and away from the air vent. He
looked at Dean’s face as he pulled it into view. Dean was awake but his eyes
were puffy from crying and his lips were blue. Sam picked Dean up off the floor
and carried him over to his unmade bed. Sam laid him down and covered him up
with blankets.
Dean pulled his head into Sam’s pillow taking in the scent of his alpha. It was
nice and Dean was not sure what prompted this sort of caring from Sam. He was
just hiding away in the corner, hoping to be forgotten as he died. Dean
shivered under the covers but he held the blanket close. It smelled like Sam
too, his alpha.
Sam watched Dean for a couple moments and noted how Dean relaxed in his bed. He
wasn’t sure what to make of that. His alpha side was screaming that was because
of his scent on the bedding but his rational side was saying that it was
probably just more comfortable and warm. He didn’t really know. All he knew is
that that he had to do what was right for Dean and right now he had to get his
brother warm.
Sam leaned down and brushed a hand through Dean’s hair and said softly, “I am
going to get the heating pad out of the bathroom. I will be right back.”
Sam heard Dean whimper as he left and his alpha side went on alert with that.
Everything inside him was saying that his omega needed him near and Sam was
starting to wonder if he should listen to that side of himself just to make
Dean feel secure. Sam wasn’t sure so he set forth on retrieving the heating
pad.
He returned to the bedroom a few minutes later. Dean had reorganized the
bathroom and it took him a minute to find the heating pad. It had been moved to
the linen closet which Sam supposed made more sense anyways. Sam plugged the
heating pad in and put in under the covers on Dean’s midsection. He watched
Dean for a couple moments mulling over in his mind what to do.
Then he decided. Sam knew omegas liked to be near the scent of their alpha and
it was difficult right now for Sam to come up with a reason to deny. Carefully
as not to wake Bobby or scare Dean, Sam pulled Dean’s bed next to his. Then Sam
got into the empty bed and he reached over and took Dean’s hands in his.
Dean’s hands were freezing. Sam rubbed them together between his own hands
before relaxing his hands around Dean’s. He looked up at Dean’s face and notice
he had stopped crying. Dean seemed to be breathing better or at least his alpha
side was leading him to believe that. Sam smiled when Dean’s eyes met his for a
moment.
Sam whispered to his brother, “Go to sleep Dean. Please stay in bed and under
the covers.”
++
Sam woke up to the light breaking into the room. It was morning and Sam’s hands
were still resting on Dean’s hands. His brother was sleeping soundly. Sam
reached up a hand and ran it through Dean’s hair. He sighed in relief when he
found his brother was warm. He quietly got up and made his way down to the
kitchen. Sam figured he could pull the beds apart later. He didn’t want to
disturb Dean right now.
Bobby was sitting at the table drinking coffee and reading the paper when Sam
walked in. Sam watched as Bobby folded the paper down and took a long look at
him. Bobby had always been blunt with him and today was no different. “Did you
have sex with Dean last night?”
Sam felt himself get immediately defensive, “What? No. Why would you think
that?” Bobby quirked an eyebrow and then Sam realized that Bobby must have seen
the beds together. He thought about lying briefly but he didn’t know what good
that would do or how to even make the lie sound convincing. He decided on
telling the truth.
Sam took a moment to compose himself and calmly said, “I woke up last night and
Dean was curled up in a ball in the corner of the room. He was freezing because
he was on the air vent and he was upset. I picked him up off the floor and put
him in my bed with a heating pad. My scent seemed to calm him down, so I moved
his bed next to mine and I held on to his hands the rest of the night.” Sam
paused to see if Bobby was believing anything he was saying. “It didn’t go any
further than that.”
Bobby nodded and got up to pour himself some more coffee. He sighed and said,
“Okay, I believe you.” Bobby watched Sam for a couple moments for any signs of
dishonesty. He prided himself in being able to read Sam like a book. It was
necessary when Sam was a teenager. Bobby didn’t see any signs that Sam was
lying and he was relieved. He just hoped Sam was right about the scent thing.
++
Sam had a productive morning. He had called and made an appointment to meet
with Dr. Gaines. He wanted to meet the doctor without Dean because he didn’t
want a repeat of yesterday. Sam had even made a list with Bobby this morning of
things that were not acceptable to be said to Dean. Bobby thought Sam was being
a tad overprotective with making a list, but Bobby knew Sam had his reasons.
Around 11 AM, Sam was starting to wonder if Dean was ever going to get up. Sam
wandered his way up to the bedroom and saw Dean was still curled up in the bed
with his eyes tightly closed. He touched Dean on the shoulder and Dean burrowed
down further into the blankets but his face made Sam think he was in some sort
of discomfort. Sam spoke softly, “Dean, are you okay?”
Dean glanced up at Sam fearing he had somehow disobeyed him. He thought Sam
looked concerned but he couldn’t be sure. His abdomen and pelvis hurt because
he had to use the bathroom, but Sam had told him to stay in bed under the
covers. He thought about if he should ask his alpha permission to go use the
bathroom or not. Dean was fairly certain that Sam wouldn’t punish him but he
also knew he could be punished for wetting the bed.
He decided to take his chances and ask for permission. Quietly Dean asked, “May
I go to the bathroom? I will come right back to bed like you ordered. Please,
Sam.”
Sam stared at Dean for a moment silently cursing himself. He didn’t even think
to give Dean an out on getting out of bed last night and Dean had been laying
here for who knows how long wanting to get up. But unable to get up because
Dean had been conditioned to never disobey his alpha. Needless to say, Sam felt
like an idiot but underneath that his alpha side was pleased with how obedient
Dean had been.
Sam nodded and said softly, “Of course Dean.” He decided it was best to talk to
Dean and figure out what was going on with him. He didn’t want to make Dean
talk but he needed to know what was going on in his brother’s head. Sam didn’t
want to know everything. He just wanted to know how to make Dean comfortable.
Dean quickly left the room to go to the bathroom and Sam sat down on the end of
the bed to wait for him to return. Dean returned 3 minutes and 29 seconds
later. Dean had kept a mental count in his head of the time in case Sam asked.
He knew his dad would use the amount of time he was gone to justify hitting him
a certain number of times. One hit for each second he was gone. Dean wondered
if Sam would do the same thing and the thought of that scared him.
Dean quietly got back into the bed and pulled the covers over himself then he
heard Sam speak, “Dean, we need to talk.” Dean felt a pit grow in his stomach
and he was sure Sam was going to punish him. Sam’s voice remained calm and
sympathetic, “I want you to tell me why you’re so upset. I know Dr. Richardson
said some things that upset you. But I want you to know, Bobby and I are
committed to making sure you get better and we would never have you
euthanized.”
Dean closed his eyes when he spoke. He didn’t want to chance to look at Sam and
he certainly didn’t want to see it when the first blow came. He spoke quietly,
“I think she is right. I don’t have a purpose and when you gave me those pills
last night I thought for sure you changed your mind and agreed with her. I..I
don’t know why I am still alive.”
Sam sighed and he felt the different sides of himself pulling for control. But
every side, the alpha side, and the advocate side, wanted the same thing. He
wanted Dean to value himself. He decided to let his alpha side win this battle
inside himself. It was a way for Sam to know Dean would listen.
Sam spoke in the certain voice of an alpha when he spoke, “Dean, being who you
are is your purpose to me. I want to know you. I want you to figure out what
you like and what you don’t like. I want you to be able to tell Bobby and I
those things.” He paused to make sure Dean was understanding, “The pills I gave
you last night. One pill was an iron supplement. One was an antibiotic and one
is to prevent you from going into heat. I didn’t give you anything to hurt
you.”
Dean looked away from Sam and pulled the blankets in tighter around himself. He
knew by Sam’s tone that Sam was telling the truth and he could smell that Sam
was releasing his scent. It was comforting. But still, he didn’t understand
why. He decided to take his chances. Dean sheepishly asked, “Why do you do
those things for me? I mean, you’ve always done things like this for me and I
don’t understand why. You probably don’t remember but you used to clean me up
after Dad beat me sometimes. I never understood why.”
Sam nodded and he remembered. He had always perceived his treatment of Dean as
an attempt to rival his father for Dean’s loyalty, but when Dean put his life
experience with Sam into a few sentences. Sam couldn’t help but feel something
different. Dean had been his primary caregiver and Sam cared about him.
Sam let out a slow breath and said, “Dean, you’ve always cared about me and I
learned from your example. You showed me how to care for someone selflessly.
You showed me how to love unconditionally. I never doubted you loved me and I
hope that someday you can trust me enough to feel the same way.”
Dean wasn’t expecting that reply from Sam. He was expecting pity, but at least
now he knew what he should work towards to please his alpha. He still felt a
lot of pain inside and he knew it is going to be difficult with how broken he
is inside. But he was going to try for his alpha. Dean replied simply, “Thank
you, Sam.”
Sam patted Dean lightly on the knee and said, “It is the truth.” He paused,
“Dean, you can get up if you want but please let Bobby or I know if you get
cold or hungry. Okay?”
Dean sat up on the bed and look a look at Sam’s hands as he nodded. He wanted
to touch Sam again or have Sam touch him again. But he didn’t want to ask that.
He thought it would be wrong for him to ask for physical contact from his alpha
outside of his heat and he wasn’t even wanting sex. He just wanted touch and
then Dean realized that when Sam touched him he felt comfort. He wondered if
comfort was a piece of happiness.
***** Sam's Appointment *****
Sam was having more difficulty sorting out in his mind how to treat Dean
correctly. The different sides of himself seemed to be in a never-ending
conflict between instinct and rationality. He was starting to wonder if there
was a balance between the two or if a balance could even be obtained. Sam knew
despite his conflicting sides, he had never had the urge to hit or punish Dean,
which based on Sam’s experience was normal for alphas to do to their omegas.
All Sam really knew is that he wanted to be a good alpha for Dean and he wanted
Dean to be able to become whoever it is he wants to be. He just didn’t know how
to make that happen. Sam noticed that Dean just checked out on him sometimes
and he wasn’t sure how to fix that. On top of that, it seemed to Sam like
everyone in the world was hell bent on being an ass to his brother.
It had been a few days since the incident when Sam found Dean on the floor of
the room freezing. Dean had stayed in bed each night after that but Sam noticed
that his general demeanor wasn’t any different. He was still cowering from him
and Bobby. Dean had yet to go outside without prompting from either Sam or
Bobby, but he never ventured beyond the porch without Sam.
Sam wasn’t sure what to make of it but hopefully, he would be able to get some
help for Dean today. He was currently in the waiting room at Dr. Gaines office.
The colors of the office were muted and everything was neatly organized with
motivational sayings on the walls as artwork. It looked very cliché by Sam’s
standards but he decided to keep an open mind.
At 3 PM sharp Dr. Gaines came out with another patient, a beta, and he quickly
said, “Sam?”
Sam got up and walked over to Dr. Gaines. The first thing he noticed was that
Dr. Gaines was an alpha. Sam wasn’t sure Dean would really even be able to open
up to an alpha. All of Dean’s trauma had been around alpha’s abusing their
power. Sam followed Dr. Gaines into his office, which didn’t look like much of
an office. The room had three oversized armchairs which did not match and two
walls were covered in books. One wall was covered in old records and one wall
had display cases for marbles. There was a rug in the middle of the room with a
giant peace sign on it. All in all, Sam was starting to wonder about this guy.
Sam sat down in one of the chairs, as did Dr. Gaines. The doctor smiled at Sam
and relaxed his notepad on his lap. Calmly Dr. Gaines asked, “So tell me what
brings you here today. I know you said on the phone that you were looking for
some help with your brother, an omega.”
Sam nodded and spoke hesitantly, “Yeah um, I got custody of Dean a couple
months ago. He was removed from our father’s custody because of abuse.”
Dr. Gaines frowned, “Dean? Is that your omega’s name?”
Sam looked at Dr. Gaines for a moment with that question. Aside from Jessica
and Bobby, Dr. Gaines was the first person to acknowledge Dean had a name.
Carefully Sam replied, “Yes, it is.”
Dr. Gaines nodded and said calmly, “Tell me about yourself, Sam, how are you
doing with taking on an omega and what you are hoping to get out of Dean?”
Sam remained silent for a moment while he contemplated how much he wanted to
share about himself. He didn’t really want to go into how he had no idea how to
make Dean comfortable. Instead, he decided to relay the basic information and
try to keep it simple. Slowly Sam replied, “I am an omega rights activist or I
was when I was in college in California. I left school after I got Dean. It
just didn’t seem safe there with him so I moved back home. My guardian from
childhood, Bobby, lives here. We are staying with him until I figure something
else out.”
Sam paused before going into how he didn’t want Dean treated like an animal,
but he was cut off by the doctor. His voice was curious, “Guardian? Your father
didn’t raise you?”
Sam shook his head no and spoke hesitantly. He didn’t really want to go into
this but he walked right into the conversation. “When I was 12 my dad left me
with Bobby. He didn’t want me. Before that Dean always took care of me and when
I did see my dad he was either drunk, hitting Dean, or taking us to another
rundown motel somewhere.”
Dr. Gaines nodded, “You’re father was a transient?”
Sam rolled his eyes and said in an aggravated tone, “Something like that, he
liked to hunt down the feral humans.”
Dr. Gaines didn’t show any judgment on his face instead he asked carefully, “It
is hard to support one’s self-doing that. I suspect that is why he dropped you
off with Bobby. It was probably for the best.” The doctor paused and continued.
“But why did he choose to keep your brother? Virgin male omegas generally sell
for a large sum because they are rare and nearly guaranteed to only birth
alphas.”
Sam shook his head and looked down at his hands. He took a couple deep breaths
to prepare himself for what he had to say. Talking to Bobby about this stuff
was one thing. Talking to a stranger, who had just proposed selling his brother
for a profit was a little disturbing. Sam tried to hide the fear in his voice
when he spoke, “My father prostituted my brother to fund his hunting. He
starved Dean to keep him thin because he thought he could make more money. He
beat him to the point the law actually found it to be a problem.”
Dr. Gaines took a long look at Sam and finally said, “What about you? How do
you intend on correcting your omega? Are you going to breed with him?”
Sam shook his head and drew his mind back to his original thought, “I want Dean
to see me as his equal. We are both adults. There is no reason for me to have
to hit him and I have not laid a hand on him since he became mine. Dean is
fixed so he can’t breed and I am not sure I want to have to have sex with my
brother. It just seems wrong.”
The doctor chuckled, “Well before the plague it would certainly be wrong. But
this is a different time and it is legal. I am going to guess and say you
aren’t scenting your omega a lot. It is probably making him uneasy on top of
whatever emotional baggage he has.”
Sam didn’t reply he just stared at the doctor. He wanted to tell the man not to
question the way he cares for his omega, but Sam knew he was there for help and
the least he could do was listen.
The doctor became slightly more serious, “I am a rights activist myself. I own
5 omegas, all of which have been abused. I have a small farm outside of town
that they work on. I try to treat them with some level of dignity while
maintaining who they are. They are omegas so their minds are wired differently.
I don’t hit my omegas often but it has happened. They all sleep on the floor of
my room on mats, but they aren’t afraid of me.”
Sam shook his head and looked up at Dr. Gaines. He finally found his voice, “I
want to treat Dean better than that. I don’t want him sleeping on the floor and
he doesn’t. I don’t want him to ever have to worry about me hitting him.”
Dr. Gaines nodded, “You are one of the ones who is looking for equal rights. I
am one that is looking for omegas not to be beaten, raped, and thrown out for a
younger model. I know what your father did to your brother can affect his mind
and I am willing to work with him to help him sort that stuff out.”
Sam thought for a moment and figured that it was time to go hand over the list.
He pulled this list out of his pocket and handed it to Dr. Gaines.  Sam
carefully said, “I made a list of things I don’t want to be said to Dean. I am
willing to give this a shot but I will be in the room with Dean during the
sessions.”
Dr. Gaines nodded in understanding and opened the folded paper to look at the
list.
Things NOT to be said to Dean
   1.       Advising him that he should be euthanized.
   2.       Telling him that what our father did was justified.
   3.       Telling him that he doesn’t have a name because he is an omega.
   4.       Asking him to take off his clothes for any reason.
   5.       Questioning my ownership of him. (Proposing that he would be better
      off with a different alpha.)
   6.       Prompting him to talk at greater length on a subject than what he
      is comfortable.
   7.       Justifying the actions of anyone who raped or beat him.
   8.       Treating Dean like an animal.
After Dr. Gaines read the list he looked up at Sam and said carefully, “You
seem to have an idea of how you want Dean to be treated. I have no problem
abiding by this.”
Sam nodded and shook Dr. Gaines hand as he left the room. He had already
scheduled an appointment with Dean for a couple days later. He still wasn’t
sure about Dr. Gaines, but he was the best option Sam had. Sam just hoped that
the doctor wouldn’t say anything to hurt Dean.
+++
When Sam finally arrived home he was relieved but nervous about Dean’s upcoming
visit with Dr. Gaines. Sam wasn’t sure Dean would open up to him. He wanted
Dean to have someone to talk to and someone to help him sort out what happened
to him. Sam didn’t care if it took the rest of his life he was going to get
Dean better.
Sam wandered into the house and he thought he smelled pie. He made his way into
the kitchen and Dean was, in fact, pulling a pie out of the oven. Sam stood in
the doorway and watched for a moment, hoping Dean hadn’t noticed him. Sam noted
that Dean looked very interested in the pie and there was a spark in his eyes
that normally wasn’t there.
After the pie was carefully sat on top of the stove, Dean pulled off the oven
mitts and carefully put them away. He looked around the kitchen for anything he
may not have cleaned up properly before turning around. Dean was startled to
see Sam and quickly retreated to the corner of the kitchen. He felt his
heartbeat quicken. He knew he hadn’t talked to Sam about doing any baking
beforehand, but Bobby had insisted it would be fine.
Dean didn’t know if Sam was going to be angry but he was afraid. Dean could
hear Sam moving closer to him and he closed his eyes. He felt his breath
quicken as he slid down the wall to the floor. Then he felt Sam’s hands on his
shoulders but Sam didn’t say anything. Dean felt Sam move his hand away and he
heard Sam sit down on the floor. Then Dean felt perhaps the best thing he felt
all day, Sam wrapped his arms around him and was holding him on the floor. He
felt Sam rest his head on top of his own and Dean felt comfort.
They stayed like that, with no words being spoken for a few minutes before Sam
finally spoke. His voice was soft. “So what type of pie did you make?”
Dean clutched one of his hands to Sam’s shirt. He knew he was acting needy but
he just wanted to enjoy being close to his alpha for as long as he could. With
a shaky voice, Dean replied, “Apple.. I hope it was okay. I got permission from
Bobby. I didn’t mean to sidestep you.”
Sam continued to hold on to Dean was he thought about what he said. There was a
part of him that was jealous that Dean took the incentive to do something
outside of his comfort zone when he wasn’t around. However, a larger part of
himself was just happy Dean seemed to find something he liked doing. Sam spoke
softly putting his jealousy out of his mind, “You’re fine, Dean. You’re not in
trouble. I am proud of you. What made you decide to make a pie?”
Dean shrugged inside Sam’s arms and his voice was a little steadier this time.
He was calming down in his alpha’s embrace and having his alpha’s approval
helped to set his mind at ease. “Bobby’s wife was an omega before she died. He
said that she liked to bake pies so I asked if I could try. Bobby gave me the
recipe.” Dean paused for a moment before he spoke again with curiosity, “Did
you know pie crust has vodka in it?”
Sam chuckled. It was nice to see Dean actually curious about something and he
didn’t know why in the world pie crust would have vodka in it. Sam replied to
Dean with happiness in his voice, “No, I didn’t.”
Dean hugged around Sam a little more and said sheepishly, “Bobby said it will
bake out so I should be able to have some… if you allow it. He said that you
didn’t want me to have any alcohol.”
Sam rolled his eyes and wondered why Bobby would tell Dean that. Not like Dean
didn’t have a right to know, but Sam didn’t want Dean to think he was
restricting him. In a reassuring voice, Sam said, “Of course you’ll get to have
some of the pie you made. I bet it will taste amazing.”
Dean nodded into Sam’s chest and closed his eyes as he took in the scent of his
alpha.
***** Dean's First Visit with Dr. Gaines *****
Dean wasn’t really sure what to think when Sam told him that he made an
appointment with a doctor for him to talk to about his past abuse. Sam had
explained to him it was to help him sort out and heal from his past trauma.
Dean wasn’t very enthusiastic about this. Not only was he going to have to
spill out the worst and most humiliating days of his life but he was going to
have to tell those tales to a total stranger.
He didn’t understand how that would help him. Still, Dean knew he didn’t have a
choice in the matter and he wasn’t about to speak out against whatever Sam
wanted him. He was an omega and he knew enough to obey his alpha without
question.
Dean was now walking to the doctor’s office. He was following closely behind
Sam. Unlike the last doctor’s office, he was in, this one did not have a leash
rule for omegas. Dean wasn’t sure if that made feel better or not. There was
some security that came with being on a leash which he didn’t have right now.
The last thing Dean wanted right now was to be far away from Sam.
Sam and Dr. Gaines sat down in the chairs in the office first. They were
sitting across from each other and the third chair was in between them. It was
the same office Sam was in a couple days before. Dean slowed himself was they
sat. He was unsure what to do and he kept his eyes on the ground. He knew Dr.
Gaines was an alpha and the last thing he wanted to do was say or do something
to upset Sam in front of another alpha. Dean thought for sure that would get
him punished.
Sam looked up at Dean from where he was slowly walking into the room. He could
see his brother’s hesitation and he couldn’t really blame him for being uneasy
about this. Carefully Sam said, “Dean, you can sit wherever you want.”
Dean was relieved to hear this. He slowly walked over to Sam with his eyes down
and sat down on the floor next to Sam. He leaned his head on Sam’s knee as he
kept his head lowered. Dean didn’t want to sit in the vacant chair in the room.
He didn’t want to be that close to an unknown alpha and that far away from his
alpha in a strange environment.
Dr. Gaines looked at Dean for a few moments to access Dean. He noted that the
omega was clean and well dressed. Dean was a little thin which he had expected
in reading the reports he had on Dean. He noted that Dean seemed very uneasy
and tended to cling to his alpha. It was also clear to Dr. Gaines that just
getting Dean to not sit on the floor without being uncomfortable could take
months.
He decided to start off talking directly to Dean since Dean was his patient,
not Sam. Dr. Gaines was not fully convinced he would get a reply from Dean. He
looked down at Dean as he spoke in an even and nonjudgmental tone, “Hello Dean,
my name is Dr. Gaines. Your alpha, Sam, has asked that you talk to me about
some of your past abuse to help you work through it. We don’t have to talk
about every single event in your life. What we want to do is isolate the
triggering events that caused you feel a certain way and then work through
those events. Does that sound okay to you?”
Dean was staring intently at Sam’s shoes. It seemed like a good safe place to
look. He wasn’t sure what to make of another alpha talking to him. He knew all
too well where that lead in the past with his father. He wondered what the
alpha meant by isolating triggers. Dean didn’t want to talk about it or relive
it. Luckily, in Dean’s mind, Sam hadn’t told him it is okay to talk to this man
or to answer his questions. So he remained obediently silent.
A couple of minutes ticked by then Sam gently reached out a hand and stroked it
through Dean’s hair. His hair was getting long. Sam hadn’t had it cut since he
obtained Dean from the shelter. Sam didn’t want to make the choice for Dean on
a hairstyle. He was waiting for Dean to voice an opinion on it. Sam remained
silent for a few more moments as he continued to stroke Dean’s hair. He could
tell Dean was nervous, but not terrified.
Sam glanced up at Dr. Gaines who nodded at him. Sam took that to mean he was
supposed to say something to Dean. The problem was he didn’t know what to say
to Dean. How much or how little to probe into Dean’s mind was, in Sam’s
opinion, Dean’s choice and his choice alone. He mulled over things in his mind
for a few moments when he realized that Dean may need a little direction to get
this process started.
Carefully Sam said, “Dean, what do you think about what Dr. Gaines said? It is
okay to tell us the truth. You will not get punished, no matter what you say.”
Dean closed his eyes and tried to focus on Sam’s scent. He wasn’t having much
luck. The office reeked of Dr. Gaines. Dean knew he was expected to say
something at this point and he also knew Sam didn’t want him to lie or just
agree. That was a weird thing about Sam, in Dean’s mind. Sam didn’t want him to
tell him what he wanted to hear. Sam wanted the truth. Dean could not
understand why Sam would want that, but it wasn’t his place to question his
alpha.
Dean decided it was best to speak in as few words as possible that way he
wouldn’t risk saying too much. Sam said he wouldn’t get punished. Sam did not
say he wouldn’t get in trouble. Dean spoke softly and tried to keep his voice
was submissive as possible, “I don’t understand what Dr. Gaines is wanting to
do to me.” Dean paused as he felt a tear roll down his cheek, “But I will do
whatever my alpha commands of me.”
Sam didn’t like Dean’s last sentence. It had unsaid implications. The fact that
Dean wouldn’t put himself before anything horrified Sam. The fact that Dean
submitted to the things their father wanted him simply because he was told
scared him. Sam wanted Dean to think for himself. Even his instinct told him
that Dean needed to have a line for himself that he would not cross.
Dr. Gaines spoke calmly before Sam could form a coherent statement. His voice
was soothing, “Dean, I know the overview of what your previous alpha did to
you. I want to assure you that the way you were treated was not the normal way
an omega is treated. You were treated much worse and the things you were
ordered to do were not okay.” Dr. Gaines paused when he saw tear droplets
hitting Sam’s jeans and the floor by Sam’s feet. Dean was crying. Gently he
added, “Dean, none of it was your fault.”
Dean didn’t say anything he just whimpered. Alphas do things to omegas that
aren’t normal or healthy. They kill them and Dean knew that killing him had
already been suggested once to Sam. He wondered how much more professionals Sam
would drag him to before he finally decided to do the deed.
Sam noticed Dean was crying and reached down to pull Dean up on his lap. The
chair was large enough for Sam to just drape Dean’s legs across him and pull
Dean’s chest against his own. Dean didn’t struggle when Sam maneuvered him into
position. He just kept his head down. Sam wrapped his arms around Dean and held
onto him tight.
Sam whispered to Dean, “It’s okay, Dean. No one is going to hurt you, I
promise. Just please tell me what is going on in your head.”
Dean pulled himself in close to his alpha. It felt safe and he could smell Sam
better. He wondered what prompted Sam’s need to be close to him but he didn’t
ask about that. Sam had other concerns which Dean knew he was supposed to
provide an answer for. Dean whispered into Sam’s chest, “I’m scared.”
++
The meeting with Dr. Gaines did not cover much ground and Dean didn’t open up
about anything. Sam knew Dean wasn’t about to just let go of his deepest
secrets or tell them what is going on when he checks out on the first try. He
knew Dr. Gaines was going to have to gain Dean’s trust. Sam also wondered if
perhaps Dean was going to have to fully trust him, as well.
The drive home from the doctor’s office was silent. Dean wasn’t crying but he
was staring blankly off into space. Sam wasn’t sure if he should say anything
or just give Dean a chance to think. At this point, Sam wasn’t really sure
counseling was the right thing for Dean but he wanted Dean to make that choice.
Sam just didn’t know how to make Dean make that choice or any choice for that
matter.
When they arrived home Bobby was working out in the shop so the house was
quiet. Sam glanced at Dean and wondered if he was weary or if he wanted to
talk. Carefully Sam asked, “Dean, do you want to talk about Dr. Gaines and what
you think of him? Or do you want to do something else like take a nap?”
Dean glanced up at Sam and then lowered his gaze. He felt exposed from visiting
with Dr. Gaines. He knew he didn’t reveal much but what he did reveal hurt.
Dean knew that Sam now knew he was weak and broken. So broken Sam couldn’t
handle it. It made Dean feel ashamed that he was so broken his own alpha
couldn’t control him. He wanted to beg for forgiveness for being so broken but
he didn’t know if that would give him Sam’s forgiveness or his wrath.
The longer it went without Sam getting angry the more nervous Dean was getting.
He was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He was waiting for Sam to hurt him,
to sell him, or to kill him. Dean knew it was just a matter of time, but the
waiting was making him sick. Compounded by Sam’s need to know how he felt was
just too much for Dean. All Dean wanted to do was obey and do as his alpha
asks. He didn’t want to be broken. He just wanted to be a good omega.
Dean decided that since Sam gave an out. He was going to take it. Quietly he
said, “I would like to take a nap, Alpha.”
Sam nodded and watched Dean disappear up the stairs into their room.
++
Dean laid down in his bed and stared at the wall. He wondered so many things
but mostly he just felt lost. Everything with Sam was different. Sam was
different than any other alpha he had met. Dean knew by the way Dr. Gaines
talked about his omegas that he was no different than his own father. The
doctor was just doing a courtesy for Sam and sugarcoating their existence.
He felt himself slowly drift off to sleep.
Dean was four years old again and he heard a clatter in the house. He got up
from where his mother laid him on the floor to sleep and wandered down the
hallway to Sammy’s nursery. He never had a nursery or a room, but Sammy did.
Sammy was special unlike him. Sometimes that made him jealous.
Dean peeked into the bedroom and he saw a man dressed in black and covered in
blood next to his mother. His mother was not moving. Her eyes were open and
glazed over. Dean wondered if she was hurt and if she was who would care for
him and Sammy now. He watched in silence as his father took out a lighter and
dropped it on the man and his mommy.
He screamed because his father was burning his mother. Dean didn’t know why he
would do that. Why wouldn’t his father get help for his mother? Surely, he
wouldn’t just let her die. Dean tried to push forward towards his mother but he
was stopped by the strong arm of his father and his father told him to be
quiet. He looked up at his dad and he looked upset. Dean didn’t understand
that. Dean stood there with tears running down his face wanting to help his
mother as she burned. But he couldn’t do anything. Then he felt his father put
Sammy in his arms and yelled at him, “Take your brother and go.”
He left the house and stood outside. He waited for his father and he watched
the neighbors come out of their houses, other alphas with guns. Dean knew they
were looking for someone or something. He could hear gunshots off in the
distance and he wondered what they were shooting. Dean wanted to scream but his
father had ordered him to be silent.
The shots rang out in his head until his father arrived and took Sammy from his
arms. He looked up at his father and saw anger in his eyes outside their
burning house. His father’s voice was like venom, “Feral humans broke into the
house and killed your mother. I loved her and they took her away from me. I
will find them, all of them, and I will kill them.”
Dean looked around and was confused. This couldn’t be true. His mother couldn’t
be dead. He spoke in a little-broken voice, “Why, Daddy?” He knew he should be
silent, but his mother was gone and his father was angry. He didn’t understand.
He could feel his father’s hate as he stared at him. His father’s voice was
cold, “They were trying to take your brother and your mother stopped them. They
walked right past your worthless ass in the hallway and didn’t try to take you.
I wouldn’t have cared if they took you. I would have rather them taken a stupid
omega than try to steal my alpha son from me.” Dean watched as his father bent
down to his level and looked him in the eye, “You will learn in time how
worthless you are and you will spend the rest of your life paying for this…
This is all your fault because of your my Mary is dead.”
Dean shook his head and backed away, “No,” he stammered. This couldn’t be true.
His father couldn’t hate him. It wasn’t his fault he was an omega. His mother
always said that being an omega was a gift and he shouldn’t be ashamed. He felt
himself go into a loop of “no,” over and over again. It was the only thing he
could say because this couldn’t be true. It couldn’t be his fault.
***** John Visits The Salvage Yard *****
Dean woke up from his nap with the memories of his nightmare flooding him. He
didn’t like to think about the night his mother died. He missed his mother
every day and he always wished that Sam had the chance to actually know her.
Their father never talked to Sam about their mother and the only stories Sam
knew about her were the ones Dean told him. Dean didn’t remember much about his
mother since he was so young when she died.
Currently, Dean was laying in bed and enjoying the warmth of the blankets as he
brought himself back into the present and buried that nightmare deep inside
himself. He thought he heard yelling but he wasn’t sure. Dean got up from the
bed and quickly made it. Then he stepped carefully over to the door and
listened.
His heart sank when he heard the distinct voice of his father. Dean wasn’t sure
who his father was speaking too but he heard his words. “Why would you want
that worthless omega? He is only good for one thing.”
Dean wished he could hear the other side of the conversation, but he couldn’t.
He knew he didn’t want to hear any more of what his father had to say. Whatever
words he spoke would not change what was going to happen. Dean backed away from
the door and into the corner. He could feel the cool air coming out of the air
vent. But he didn’t care. He just wanted to hide away and be forgotten. He
didn’t want John to find him.
Dean wanted to believe Sam. He wanted to believe he was safe. Dean knew that he
liked being warm. He liked not being in heat. He liked being fed. He liked
being around Sam and he didn’t want that taken away from him. Dean started to
sob in the corner. It was the only thing he could do while he waited for his
life to be turned upside down again.
++
Bobby was pissed when he saw John Winchester pull into his salvage yard. He
didn’t want to talk to the man and he was having a hard time not killing the
man. Bobby just wanted John to leave and he wanted John gone before Sam got
back from town. He knew that a confirmation between two alphas on the ownership
rights to an omega often turned violent. Bobby was just hoping to avoid
bloodshed.
After John got done rattling off curses to Bobby, the first coherent thing he
said was, “Why would you want that worthless omega? He is only good for one
thing.”
Bobby wanted to shoot John with that statement but he took a deep breath and
reminded himself to remain calm. “I think you should leave, John. Where Dean is
and what is going on with him is none of your business. You lost that right
when you decided to abuse him.”
John took a step closer to Bobby and pointed at him. His voice was full of
anger, “I can only think of two people who would adopt him from a shelter. I
know it was either you or Sam. So either you have him and he is here or Sam has
him and you know where Sam is. Tell me where he is.”
Bobby glared at John for a moment while hoping to god Dean stayed in his room.
He replied with a cold, “No.”
John sighed and clenched his fists in his hands. Bobby wondered if John was
going to try to hit him. But John’s demeanor softened, “I just want him back,
Bobby. He is the only thing I have.”
Bobby quirked an eyebrow and said angrily but kept his voice level, “Dean is
not a thing. He is a person just like Sam. If Dean was so important to you then
maybe you should have treated him better when you had him. What kind of father
prostitutes out their own son? What kind of father starves his own son? What
kind of father beats his own son?” Bobby paused and continued when John’s eyes
locked on his, “A monster that is what kind of father does those things to his
own son.  You are the worst kind of monster so get out of my house and get off
my property before I call the police.”
John broke eye contact with Bobby and said coldly, “That boy took the one thing
in my life that meant the most to me. He took my omega, my Mary. I loved her
and because of him she is dead.”
Bobby rolled his eyes. He had heard this drunken rant from John before. Only
this time John wasn’t drunk. Bobby took a deep breath and said, “John, you know
feral humans killed Mary, not Dean. He was a just a child. Trust me, I know how
you feel. My wife was murdered too. But blaming your children for it is not
going to change what happened. Mary is in Purgatory with Eve. She is in
paradise, be happy about that.”
John looked around the room and Bobby thought for sure he noticed how clean the
place was. But John didn’t say anything about that instead he said coldly,
“Tell me where he is.”
Bobby heard the screen door open and Sam walked in. John turned to look at Sam
and Sam sat down the grocery bags by the door. He glanced at Bobby before
returning his gaze to his father. Sam moved away from the door and positioned
himself at the bottom of the staircase. He wanted to make sure Dean was safe
and although Sam knew he couldn’t keep Dean safe from whatever words his father
spoke. Sam could make sure John didn’t lay a hand on him.
Sam took a deep breath and said calmly, “Hello Dad, did you get to go to jail,
a fine, or probation?”
John’s eyes narrowed on Sam and he spoke harshly, “I am here for my omega, Sam.
Where is he?”
Sam shrugged. He knew his father had no legal grounds to take Dean and even
trying in court would be pointless. Sam also knew that was why his father was
here. He knew John just wanted to take Dean and be on his way.  Calmly with a
hint of sarcasm Sam said, “I’m sorry Dad. I didn’t know you had an omega. Maybe
you should file a report and check the shelters where you lost him.”
John took a deep breath and growled. Sam knew John was probably going to hit
him soon. John’s voice raised with anger, “Your brother, you idiot, where is
he?”
Sam smirked at his father and said only, “Why is that of concern to you?”
John slammed his fist into the wall and yelled, “Because he is mine. Now give
him to me!”
Sam shook his head and looked up at his father. His voice was calm, “Dad, do
you have any idea how sick Dean was when the police took him away from you?
What makes you think Dean survived that?”
John stilled his movement and took a long look at Sam. His voice was a little
shaky, “Oh my god, I didn’t mean to hurt him. I just wanted to hunt and he gave
me the means to do that.”
Sam rolled his eyes and wondered how his father could view Dean as nothing more
than a product to be sold. He wanted to hurt his father for hurting Dean, for
coming here, for threatening to take his property. But Sam knew he couldn’t. If
he did that he would be no better than his own father. He didn’t want to be
that territorial alpha. However, Sam wondered if he would be left with much of
a choice. Calmly Sam said, “I really think you should leave. Neither Bobby or I
want you here.”
John rolled his fists together again and said firmly, “Where is he?”
Sam sighed and rolled his shoulders. He knew where this was going and his
instinct was starting to kick in. He took a deep breath to try to control
himself then he said as calmly as he could but his voice still had an edge to
it. “Dean was very badly abused by you. The cost to get him healthy outweighs
the cost of buying a healthy younger omega. Why don’t you just go buy a
different omega and leave us alone?”
John leveled is gaze with Sam and said simply, “You know I can’t. Due to the
abuse charges, I have to complete classes over the next two years and have a
stable job before I will be able to buy an omega. This is why I need him back,
so I can continue my work.”
Sam shrugged and clapped his hands together as he straightened in front of his
father, “Sorry, I guess you will have to find another way.”
There was a knock on the door and Sam watched as the police walked into the
house. Sam listened as Bobby spoke to them. “We are sorry for bothering you but
we have a situation I would like you to handle. I know how alphas can get over
property rights.”
The officers were both betas and they walked into the room near Sam and John.
The officer asked with his hand on his gun holster, “What seems to be the
problem?”
John turned and said harshly, “Nothing, I just want to know where my omega is.
The omega is my son.”
Sam rolled his eyes and calmly, “My father does not own any omegas. He had my
brother removed from his custody for abuse. Would you like me to get the
paperwork showing my ownership of him?”
The officer nodded and said nervously, “Yes and I would like to talk to the
omega.”
Sam stood and walked into the study. He came back with the folder showing his
ownership. Sam was smart enough to have three copies of the paperwork. One copy
was out in the study, one was locked in a safe, and one was locked in a safe
deposit box. Sam handed the folder to the officer.
He watched in silence as the officer looked at the paperwork. Sam included in
the folder to court filings showing his father to be unfit. He could see his
father fuming as the officer looked at the paperwork. John lunged towards Sam
only to be stopped by the two officers. The folder of paperwork landing on the
floor. John’s voice was full of anger as he struggled to get towards Sam, “You
little shit. He is here, isn’t he?”
The officers dragged John out of the house to put him in the back of the squad
car. Bobby turned to look at Sam as they exited the house. He whispered to Sam,
“How did the cops know about this?”
Sam glanced over at Bobby and whispered back, “I called them before I came in.
I’m not stupid. I knew Dad and I would get in a fight and that just seemed
counterproductive to Dean’s recovery. I am going to go get Dean. They will
probably still want to talk to him.”
++
Sam slowly opened the door to the bedroom and he saw Dean sobbing in the
corner. He walked over to Dean and knelt down by him. Sam ran a hand through
Dean’s hair and felt that he was cold. Sam shook his head and made a mental
note to tell Dean to stop hiding in the corner on the air vent. Sam pulled Dean
up off the floor and sat him down on the bed.
Sam gently started rubbing Dean’s back and arms to try to help him warm up. He
kept his voice gentle when he spoke, “Are you are okay, Dean?”
Dean shook in Sam’s grasp as he continued to sob. He begged even though he knew
he shouldn’t, “Please Sam, please don’t make me go back there. Please, I can be
good.”
Sam continued rubbing Dean’s arms and said softly, “You are good, Dean. You’re
not going anywhere. The police are taking Dad away and he has no claim on you.
You’re mine, Dean.” Sam didn’t know if getting Dean to leave the room right now
was a good idea. He considered briefly just having the officers come up here to
talk to him but Sam knew having their scent in the room could cause further
problems.
Sam decided just to hold Dean for a couple more moments before prompting him to
go downstairs. He wanted Dean to be a little warmer and feel a little safer
first. Just as Sam was about to speak, he heard the unmistakable sound of
gunshots from outside the house. Sam pulled Dean close as he looked towards the
door to the room.
Quietly Sam got up from the bed and made Dean sit down on the floor next to the
bed. He noticed Dean’s eyes were glassy. Sam knew his brother was lost
somewhere in his mind. He took a deep breath and went over to the nightstand
and pulled out his gun. Sam checked the clip on the gun before pushing it back
in. Sam took one final look at his brother wishing Dean didn’t have to be put
through this before heading towards the bedroom door.
++++
Sam slowly walked down the stairs with the gun steady in his hands. The
memories of target practice with Bobby floating through his mind. He knew he
was a good shot, but Sam had never shot anything besides stray animals that
entered the salvage yard. Even then, he felt bad for the kill. Sam wasn’t sure
how he felt about the possibility of having to shoot his own father. He knew
his father was a lot of things, evil things, but still, he did not know if he
could kill the man. His father was still his blood, his family.
He made his way down to the bottom of the stairs and he peaked around the
corner. Sam didn’t see Bobby or John. He could see the two officers laying on
the ground outside motionless. It sent chills up his spine. Sam could hear
sirens in the distance and he hoped the others would be here soon. He didn’t
want anyone else to get hurt tonight.
Sam pushed his body up against the wall at the base of the stairs and listened.
He heard a creak by the front door. Sam looked slightly around the corner and
he could see his father. John had blood on him which Sam guessed was from the
officers. He hoped John didn’t hurt Bobby.
Sam’s alpha instincts took over. Sam took a deep breath and stepped out from
where he was hiding to face his father. He smirked at his father as John raised
his gun. Sam leveled his own gun and fired once shooting the gun out of John’s
hand.
John gave Sam a stunned look as he stared at Sam. John was angry and he yelled
at Sam, “What the hell do you think you are doing?”
Sam didn’t take his eyes off his father and said coldly, “Defending what is
mine.”
John made a move towards his gun and Sam fired a second shot this one hitting
John in the leg. Sam watched as his father stumbled off his feet onto the
ground. Carefully and deliberately Sam walked over and kicked John’s gun away
from him. He kept the gun leveled on his father as the sirens became louder.
John started laughing from where he was laying on the ground. It was a
hysterical laughter that irritated Sam. Through his laughter, John said, “I
always knew you were a coward. You can’t kill me, can you? You are so weak it
is pathetic.”
Sam made eye contact with his father and said as calmly as he could with all
the rage running through him, “I am not like you. I don’t kill people.”
John continued to laugh and he said, “I know. You are a coward just like Bobby.
He ran away from me to hide, just like you. I should give you credit though
because you did eventually come out to face me. Maybe you are only half a
coward.”
Sam’s gun shook in his hands. He wasn’t accustomed to this sort of violence and
he wished desperately for this situation to be over. Sam remained silent
because he knew that talking was only adding to his father’s amusement to the
situation. Sam knew that with killing two officers. He was never going to have
to worry about John trying to take Dean again. That thought is what gave Sam
peace right now.
Sam glanced up towards the front door taking his gaze away from his father when
he saw the squad cars pull into the salvage yard. He didn’t see his father pull
out another gun and take aim on him. All Sam heard was the sound of a gunshot.
***** The Shooting *****
Sam heard the gunshot ring out in his ears and he looked back down at his
father. He watched as his father’s hand fell back and the gun John held fall to
the ground. Sam stared at the mass if red in the center of his father’s chest.
His mind wasn’t processing what was happening. He knew he did not shoot his
father and he did not know where his father got a gun from. Sam lowered his own
gun and dropped it to the ground.
He felt numb as the officers rushed in the house. Sam could hear them talking
but he wasn’t processing what they were saying. He saw that Bobby was talking
to them and he watched as Bobby handed them a shotgun. He watched as the medics
worked on his father. He was unsure if he should hope they were able to save
his life or if it would be better if he was just dead.
Sam didn’t know what the best fate for his father was. It wasn’t his call and
in the end, everyone ends up in the same place anyways. This was another moment
in his life when he wished he had a normal life. His life should have never
come to this. Sam felt someone touching him on his shoulder. The person was
shaking him. Sam turned to look at the person. It was another alpha who was one
of the officers on the scene.
The officer asked Sam, “Are you okay?”
Sam looked around in a daze unsure how to even answer that question. He was
having trouble processing what was happening right now. He was unsure of
himself as he spoke, “I am okay, I guess.” He paused as he watched the medics
load his father onto the stretcher. “Is my dad going to be okay?”
The officer patted him on the shoulder and grinned, “You are different. I will
give you that. I have no idea if your dad will be okay. If he lives he will be
booked down at the county.”
Sam nodded and looked up towards the stairs. He felt his mind start to clear
and then an instinctual urgency hit him. He gasped, “My omega.”
The officer shook his head and continued to grin, “I see you’re coming around.
We are going to need to process this crime scene so if you could go get your
omega I can take you to a motel for the night.”
Sam looked dumbly at the officer. He returned his gaze back up the stairs. “Um
yeah, I have my own car, though. We can follow. Dean is a little shy. It will
take me a little bit to get him to come down.”
The officer didn’t say anything. He just gave Sam a halfhearted smile.
++
Sam knew the officer was following upstairs. The reason for that was fairly
obvious, the officer wanted to make sure he didn’t tamper with the crime scene.
Sam slowly opened the door to the bedroom and walked in. Dean was where Sam had
left him on the floor next to the bed.
Dean was shaking and his eyes were glazed over. He had dried tear tracks on his
face. Sam knew he probably wasn’t in the present right now.  Sam wasn’t sure
how easy it was going to be to get Dean to leave the house with him. He wanted
to take his time and ease Dean up as not to scare him. But part of Sam knew
just getting out of here would be the best.
Sam bent down and put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. He used a commanding voice to
get Dean’s attention. Sam knew Bobby was going to be pissed about him bossing
Dean around but he figured he could argue special circumstances. “Dean, I am
going to pack up a few things then we are going to go to a motel for the night.
Everything is fine. No one is going to hurt you. We just have to get out of the
way so the police can do their jobs.”
Dean didn’t respond and Sam wasn’t entirely sure if Dean heard him. Sam sighed
and set forth on packing a few of their belongings into a small duffel bag. He
put in two changes of clothes for each of them and pajamas. Sam silently
collected the toiletries from the bathroom and put them in the bag. He kept an
eye on the officer making sure the officer did not make a move towards Dean.
After the bag was packed Sam looked back to the officer, “I need to go down to
our kitchen and get my omega’s medicine. He has some prescriptions that he
needs to take.”
The officer gave Sam a puzzled look but quickly recovered, “The kitchen is a
mess from what I have seen. If you tell me where they are I can get them for
you.”
Sam nodded and lifted up the duffel bag, “They are in the cabinet next to the
refrigerator. There should be 3 prescriptions. The label should say omega of
Samuel Winchester.”
The officer nodded and said calmly, “I will find them and bring them out to
your car. Will you follow me downstairs now?”
Sam turned back and walked over to Dean. His brother still hadn’t moved from
where he was seated on the floor. Carefully, Sam reached down an arm to pull
Dean off the floor. Dean didn’t fight Sam but his eyes were still glazed over.
Sam lightly grabbed hold of Dean’s arm and said with authority, “Dean, stay
with me. We are going out to the Impala.”
Dean’s eyes flickered at that and he looked around the room with his gaze
lowered. Dean remembered what had happened. He checked out when the gunshots
started going off and all he could hear in his head were the words his father
said to him the night his mother died. His father’s words were on repeat in his
head.
Dean looked at the officer’s shoes but he didn’t dare look up at the man. He
could smell that the man was an alpha, one that smelled familiar. Dean
swallowed hard when he thought about how this could be one of the men his
father sold him to in the past. He didn’t want to think about that right now.
He just wanted to be with Sam and he wanted to feel the comfort that Sam could
offer.
Sam gave a light pull on Dean’s arm so they could start moving and Sam was
surprised with Dean pulled back. Dean saw the look of confusion on Sam’s face.
He was scared and he knew the down those stairs were more alphas and betas.
They were all going to be staring at him. Dean wanted security but he wasn’t
sure how to express that to Sam.
Dean cast his eyes down and his voice was broken when he spoke, “Please Sam.”
Sam didn’t know what Dean was asking for. All he knew is he wanted to get to
the Impala so they could get settled in the motel. Sam knew he didn’t want to
upset Dean or cause a scene because the last thing he wanted was a bunch of
alpha cops standing around expecting him to publicly correct his omega. That
was not going to happen. Gently Sam asked, “Please what? I don’t understand
what you are asking for.”
Dean’s eyes searched the floor of the room before returning his gaze to Sam. He
made eye contact briefly then broke it. He stammered when he spoke, “The
leash.. Please..” Dean cast his gaze back up and saw a look of shock on Sam’s
face. He thought briefly to himself how every officer there was going to know
that Sam was an omega right’s activist just by the look on Sam’s face. But none
of that helped Dean get what he thought would help. He lowered his head a
little more and said sheepishly, “It helps me.. It helps me feel safe.”
Sam nodded because he thought he understood. He didn’t like it and he was
fairly certain that Bobby might have baby chickens if he saw Dean on a leash in
his house. But Dean had asked and this was a very stressful evening. Sam closed
his eyes and reminded himself that this was just a little setback on Dean
exploring personal freedom but it was also a positive step towards Dean
trusting him.
Sam went over to the dresser and picked up the leash off the top of it. He
walked back over to Dean and clipped it to his collar. Sam released a breath he
didn’t know he was holding and he looked into Dean’s eyes. He watched in
dumbfounded silence as Dean relaxed slightly and whispered, “Thank you, Alpha.”
Sam then led Dean out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Their father was
already gone by the time they made it down the stairs which Sam was thankful
for. Dean did not need to see John. The officers guided them around the crime
scene as much as possible so they wouldn’t disturb anything. A couple of the
betas made comments about how it was different to see an alpha carrying the
baggage instead of the omega.
Dean’s eyes were fixed on Sam’s feet. He carefully retraced his alpha’s steps
as instructed. He saw some blood on the floor but he knew it wasn’t Sammy’s
blood. Dean could smell who the blood belonged too. He knew it belonged to his
father. Dean was certain Sam could smell it too. He made a mental note to
bleach the floor when they were allowed back in because Dean was certain the
smell of their father would aggravate Sam.
It was comforting to Dean to feel the leash attached to his collar as Sam
slowly made his way to the Impala. Dean knew Sam would never understand but the
leash meant that he wouldn’t be pulled away from Sam without Sam noticing. No
one could just take him and hurt him. As Dean sat down in the front passenger
seat of the Impala he knew he could never be what Sam wanted him to be.
++
The drive to the motel was in silence. Dean stared out the window wondering if
their father was dead and wondering if the alpha officer was going to hurt him.
He didn’t know. Dean didn’t really know if he wanted their father dead or not.
He didn’t think so because he couldn’t understand what his father would have
done to wrong him. Dean knew that his father hurt him but he couldn’t find it
in himself to blame his father for anything. He was an omega and his father
treated him as he saw fit, nothing more. Dean knew Sam felt differently about
that.
Dean let Sam led him into the room by the leash. He knew Sam was uncomfortable
with it but Sam remained silent about it. He knew it was wrong of him to ask
for anything from his alpha. He wondered if Sam would punish him for this. Dean
knew he was still waiting for Sam to get angry like all the other alphas in his
life.
Sam thanked the officer and closed the door behind him. He locked the door and
turned back to Dean. Sam felt exhausted and his stomach was in knots. Carefully
Sam reached out for Dean and unhooked the leash. He was glad to have that thing
off of his brother. He hated that it made Dean feel safe, but he wasn’t about
to deny his brother the feeling of safety.
Sam looked at Dean for a few moments and noticed that he wasn’t moving and his
head was lowered about as low as it could go. Sam took a deep breath and said,
“It’s going to be okay, Dean. Everything is going to be okay.” Sam waited and
Dean didn’t respond. Sam sighed and said, “We should get changed for bed. There
is only one real bed in the room so we can share it. I don’t want you sleeping
on the floor.”
Dean nodded and started to strip out of his clothes to change. Sam quietly did
the same. Then they each laid down on their respective sides off the bed. Sam
could see Dean shaking. He moved slowly over closer to Dean and wrapped his
arms around his brother. Sam held Dean tight in his arms and he felt Dean
relax. Sam felt as Dean reached up and grabbed onto him and held tight.
Sam took in Dean’s scent which was something he had been avoiding doing. Dean
smelled amazing and Sam could feel it bringing him a sense of peace he hadn’t
felt since childhood. It was then Sam realized that it was Dean’s scent that he
smelled around him and on him. It was one of safety and love. Sam never
realized until this moment how much he missed this.
Sam leaned his head down and kissed Dean on the top of his head and whispered,
“I love you, Dean.”
 
***** The Morning After *****
Sam slept peacefully through the night with Dean in his arms. It was the best
he had slept in a long time. He woke up to the sound of knocking on the motel
door. He looked at the clock and saw it was only 6 AM. He groaned because he
was not used to getting up this early. Sam slowly untangled himself from Dean
and opened the door to the motel room.
Bobby pushed his way into the room and sat down on one of the chairs. He looked
exhausted. Bobby looked over at Dean’s sleeping form on the bed and he knew
they shared a bed last night. His mind was also running from the way Sam
treated Dean yesterday. He was upset with Sam but he didn’t want to discuss it
with Sam in front of Dean. Bobby knew that would only serve to upset Dean and
throw Sam in the position of peacekeeper.
Bobby ran his hands over his face before talking to Sam. He kept his voice
calm, “I shot your father. You should be able to call today and find out what
his status is at the hospital.”
Sam stared at Bobby for a moment before shaking his head and sighing, “Yeah, I
think I will. Did he shoot those two cops?”
Bobby nodded and said dryly, “Yes, he did.” Bobby paused and saw Dean stirring
in the bed. He knew Dean was awake but not getting up. Bobby glanced up at Sam
and asked, “How is your brother?”
Sam looked between Dean and Bobby a couple times before replying. He was
hesitant, “He is okay. He was a little shook up last night, but I think he is
doing better.”
Bobby let go of a long breath and said, “Okay, you idjit, why don’t you go get
us some breakfast?”
Sam stretched his limbs and said sleepily, “Sure, let me get dressed and let
Dean know.” Sam grabbed the duffel bag and treated into the bathroom. He
quickly changed and brushed his teeth. He exited the bathroom and sat the bag
back down on the floor. Sam went over to Dean and put a hand on his brother’s
shoulder. He bent down and said softly, “Dean, I am going to get us some
breakfast. Bobby is here.”
Dean opened his eyes and looked up at Sam. He was uncertain because Sam seemed
a little on edge. He knew full well that could be due to the events of the
night before. That would be reasonable, so he just nodded his head to show he
understood. Dean didn’t really have anything to say this morning.
Dean watched as Sam grabbed his keys and left the room without another word.
Dean slowly got up out of bed and made the bed. He could feel Bobby’s eyes on
him the whole time. It made him nervous. He wanted Sam to get back. Dean felt
better with Sam around. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Bobby. He just felt
better when he could smell his alpha and his alpha was near.
After Dean finished making the bed, Bobby decided to talk to him. He knew Dean
wouldn’t say anything against Sam. The boy never even said anything against his
own father. Bobby didn’t really understand that part of Dean. The boy would
wake up screaming sometimes because of the things was done to him but still he
didn’t get angry at the people who hurt him. Carefully Bobby asked, “Dean, are
you doing okay?”
Dean kept his eyes on the floor. He didn’t want to talk right now, but Bobby
asked him a question and he knew Sam would expect him to answer. Dean answered
honestly because that is what Sam would want, “I don’t know.”
Bobby took a critical eye to Dean. Dean didn’t look at Bobby’s face but he
could see the tension in Bobby’s body. He wondered if he gave Bobby the wrong
answer and if it would have been better to lie. Dean didn’t know. He knew that
Sam didn’t like it when Dean told him what he thought Sam wanted to hear. Dean
remained silent. He didn’t want to risk upsetting Bobby which could, in turn,
upset Sam and cause him to get punished.
Bobby slowly asked, “Dean, is it okay if I ask you a question?”
Dean looked up at Bobby and made brief eye contact before lowering his gaze. He
nodded in agreement, but he still didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to
misspeak or over speak.
Bobby took a deep breath and asked in a neutral voice, “Could you tell me why
Sam decided to put you on a leash yesterday? He seemed like he was really
bossing you around and I was just curious what brought that on.” Bobby paused,
“Dean, if Sam is doing anything to hurt you or if he is doing anything to you
that you don’t want you can tell me. I will make sure it doesn’t happen again,
I promise.”
Dean sat down on the end of the bed and thought about what Bobby was saying. It
made him feel bad to think that because he asked Sam for something Bobby
thought Sam was hurting him. Dean wondered if Bobby would think he was hurting
Sam if he told him the truth. He didn’t know, but Dean figured it would be
better for him to be in trouble than his alpha. He knew that if Sam got in
trouble for anything. He would be looking at 10 times worse because he was an
omega.
Dean was embarrassed and scared when he spoke. He could almost feel the
impending punishment. “I asked Sam to put the leash on me. Sam always said that
if I felt like I needed something then I should ask so I did. I’m sorry.”
Bobby wasn’t expecting that answer and he couldn’t help but wonder if Dean was
lying to him to protect Sam. He couldn’t fathom why Dean would want that. Bobby
took a deep breath and took a stern tone that he normally only used on Sam when
he wanted the truth. “Dean, don’t lie to me. Tell me the truth. Now.”
Dean bit down on his bottom lip and he felt tears in his eyes. He knew he was
in trouble. He knew he shouldn’t have asked for anything from Sam. Dean felt
himself start to shake and he lowered his head a little more. He wrapped his
arms tightly around himself and stuttered when he spoke, “I..I. I didn’t lie to
you. I told you the truth.” Dean felt tears falling down his face as he
whispered out, “Please don’t punish me. I won’t ask for anything again. I
promise.”
Bobby stared at Dean in disbelief for a moment then he quickly recovered. His
voice was reassuring, “Dean, I am sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I think it
is good that you asked Sam for something. I just wasn’t expecting you to ask
for something to restrict you. That’s all.”
Dean continued to shake and cry. All the time he was thinking about how he was
a bad omega, how Sam was going to punish him now, and how he hoped Sam didn’t
just give him back to their father to be done with him.
++
The diner down the road took forever to fix the three breakfasts Sam ordered.
It wasn’t really a big deal to Sam since he wasn’t in a hurry. He knew they
just opened and they were getting everything in order for their morning rush.
Sam just hoped they worked faster during their morning rush than they were
right now. He didn’t say anything but he was surprised to see the owner’s omega
working in the diner. Sam hoped that someday Dean would be comfortable enough
to work around the salvage yard with Bobby.
Sam pulled into the motel lot after being gone for 35 minutes. He was walking
up to the door to the room when the alpha officer from last night called out,
“Sam Winchester?”
Sam stopped and turned around. He gave a halfhearted smile and asked politely,
“Can I help you, officer?”
The officer held out a brown paper bag, “Your omega’s medicine. I forgot to
grab them for you last night.”
Sam reached out and took the bag which he placed in next to the food boxes. He
looked back up at the officer and said honestly, “Thank you, it has been a
rough 24 hours.”
The officer nodded and then he scrunched up his brow. He was a little unsure
when he spoke, “Your omega, do you know the history of him?”
Sam gave the officer a curious look and asked carefully, “What do you mean?”
The officer looked around as if to check to make sure no one was watching. That
action made Sam wonder what the officer’s intentions were, but he waited to see
what the officer had to say. The officer kept his voice low, “That omega was a
whore. I guess your dad sold him to other alphas. When I was 18 my dad bought
me around with that omega. It was amazing. Are you selling him? I would love
another round with him. Male omegas are so rare.”
Sam stared blankly at the officer for about two minutes before he actually
found it in himself to speak. Inside he was feeling possessive but his rational
side was in the forefront at the moment. He took a couple deep breaths while he
collected his thoughts on what he should say. He was surprised that his mind
just seemed to shut down upon meeting one of the people who had abused Dean.
Finally, Sam said in a hoarse and uneasy voice, “One of the reasons why my
omega was taken away from my father was because he was being prostituted, among
other things. I think it is horrible that he was ever put in that position. I
know Dean is an omega but that doesn’t make what happened to him okay or right.
Dean is not being abused anymore.”
The officer shrugged and said casually, “He’s just an omega. You could make a
good dime off of him.”
Sam took a deep breath and felt his nostrils flare. Firmly he said, “The omega
in question is my brother and I don’t care how many dimes I could get off of
him. He’s not for sale. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go.”
Sam walked past the officer and entered the motel room. He closed the door
behind him and breathed a sigh of relief. He couldn’t even imagine what Dean’s
life was like with their father. But to have Dean’s trauma and rape being a
point of pleasure for someone else made Sam want to scream. He knew his shouts
wouldn’t do any good so he just tried to relax in the knowledge that he was
with Dean now and that wasn’t going to happen again.
++
Sam sat down the food on the table. He looked around the room and saw Dean
sitting in the corner of the room. Dean looked upset and Bobby was trying to
coax him out. Sam watched in silence for a few moments as Bobby apologized for
upsetting him while asking him to come out. He knew Bobby’s words weren’t
getting through to Dean. Sam saw his brother just try to curl up in a smaller
ball in the corner.
Sam sighed and walked over to the corner where Dean was sitting. There wasn’t
really enough room Sam to sit down next to Dean because the bed was in the way.
Sam moved in front of Bobby and sat down on the floor directly in front of
Dean. He carefully reached out a hand and touched Dean’s arm. Sam watched was
Dean’s tear streaked face shot up to look at him. Sam could see fear and what
he thought was rejection in Dean’s eyes.
Sam glanced back at Bobby who put on the innocent face which told Sam that
Bobby probably said something stupid to upset his brother. He sighed. He didn’t
need this right now and he just wanted everyone to keep their mouth shut unless
they had something nice to say. Sam tried to keep his voice as calm as
possible, even though inside he wasn’t happy. “Dean, what is wrong?”
Dean snuffled a little and whispered, “I was bad. I..I am going to get
punished. I’m sorry, Alpha.”
Sam creased his brow in confusion and asked carefully, “I don’t understand,
Dean. I don’t know of anything you did that was bad. Can you tell me what you
think you did? So we can talk about it. I’m not going to hurt you.”
Dean pulled away from Sam slightly and started to shake. Sam didn’t know what
to do. His instinct told him to hold and scent Dean while his rational mind
told him to give Dean the space he needed. Bobby cleared his throat from behind
Sam. Bobby spoke in a defeated tone, “This is my fault. I asked about why you
put him on a leash yesterday. I thought he was lying when he told me that he
asked you for that.”
Sam nodded as he looked at Dean. He let out a breath and said affirming, “He
wasn’t lying. He was scared of all the officers in the house. I think he was
worried about being taken away from me and the leash helped him feel secure, I
guess.”
Dean shuddered as Sam spoke then he started to beg between his sobs, “I’m
sorry, Sam. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. Please forgive me, I’m sorry.” Dean bowed
down on the floor as he continued to plead. Dean’s head resting on the floor
near was where Sam was sitting. His hands covering the back of his neck.
Sam reached out a tentative hand and started rubbing circles on Dean’s back. He
didn’t know what to do. Sam wondered if Dean acted like this with their father
or if Dean was just numb and unresponsive with him. Sam didn’t ask. He knew
this response from Dean was most likely a response to him not knowing how to
handle an unknown situation. Sam’s heart ached for his brother and he wished he
could take Dean’s pain away. Sam felt a few loose tears trail down his own face
as he tried to comfort his omega.
As Sam rubbed Dean’s back he wondered if he was going about this wrong. He had
been so adamant about pushing down his own instincts that he forgot how that
could affect Dean. It made him realize that maybe all this time part of Dean’s
uneasiness was that Dean thought he was being rejected. The feeling of
rejection would make sense Sam thought with all of Dean’s worries about going
back to the shelter or being euthanized. Sam knew he wasn’t making Dean feel
wanted and he had to figure out how to fix that.
Sam glanced up a Bobby who had backed away. He could see the hurt and confusion
on Bobby’s face. This wasn’t Bobby’s fault. Sam’s voice felt raw when he spoke,
“Bobby, did you touch Dean?” Sam felt Dean tense up under his hand.
Bobby shook his head no and said adamantly, “No, I just questioned him was
all.”
Sam nodded and turned his attention back to Dean. He took a deep breath and
decided to be the alpha Dean needed right now. Sam kept one hand on Dean’s back
continuing to rub circles for comfort. With his other hand, he gently lifted up
Dean’s head. He held his hand loosely under Dean’s chin as he lifted it. Dean
kept his gaze downcast as Sam lifted his head. Once Dean was sitting up at eye
level with Sam. Sam spoke in a firm tone, “Dean, look at me.”
Dean’s eyes shot up and made eye contact with Sam. His body was trembling. Sam
moved his hands and rubbed them up and down Dean’s arms. Sam gave his brother a
sympathetic look. He kept his voice firm but gentle, “I am proud of you, Dean.
Yesterday, you told me what you wanted and today you refused to tell a lie.
That makes me very proud to be your alpha.”
Sam pulled Dean in for a hug and held on to him. He could feel Dean rubbing his
head against him. Sam knew Dean was trying to get his scent. Carefully Sam
stood with Dean holding on to him and he sat them both down on the bed. It was
easier to hold Dean. After a few minutes, Sam felt Dean start to calm down. Sam
gave him a light squeeze when he heard Dean’s stomach growl. He whispered to
his brother, “I am going to get our breakfasts off the table so we can eat.”
Sam started to pull away but stopped when Bobby handed him the two containers
of food. He smiled at the older man and said, “Thanks, Bobby.” Sam sat down the
food on the bed and opened one the containers. He still had Dean leaning
against his chest. Sam started to eat rotating between a bite for him and a bit
for Dean. It didn’t feel weird at all to Sam to feed his brother. He enjoyed
the feeling of having Dean near and he could feel Dean relaxing. Sam just hoped
he was doing the right thing.
***** Steps *****
After breakfast Bobby left, he said it was to check and see when they could go
home. Sam suspected it was because he felt like an ass for upsetting Dean. He
knew that how to handle Dean was a learning curve for both of them so he didn’t
hold that against Bobby. He was upset Bobby would think he could do anything to
hurt Dean. But then Sam reminded himself how his father had been towards Dean
and he could understand how Bobby might think that could happen.
Sam was curled up on the bed with Dean. His brother wasn’t crying anymore and
he seemed a lot more relaxed. Carefully Sam asked, “How are you doing, Dean?”
Dean shrugged in Sam’s embrace and whispered, “Am I in trouble?”
Sam kissed Dean on the top of his head and said back casually, “No.” He watched
as Dean relaxed a little more. Then he asked, “I know yesterday was rough with
Dad showing up and having to be near the cop who abused you. I know what that
cop did to you, Dean. Do you want to talk about anything? You won’t be in
trouble no matter what you say.”
Dean didn’t reply right away. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath taking
in Sam’s scent. He lifted his head slightly and said shyly, “I don’t understand
why you don’t make me have sex with you or anyone. You won’t let another alpha
lay a hand on me. I don’t understand. I’m an omega. I mate. It is what I was
made for.”
Sam sighed and said reassuringly, “Dean, if you have sex with someone it should
be because you want too. I am not going to force you to have sex with me or
anyone else. I am not going to let another alpha do that to you. You are good
for more than sex.”
Dean tensed in Sam’s hold before burying his face into Sam’s chest. He turned
his head to look up at Sam and was embarrassed, “I know I can’t go into heat
anymore but I still feel things.. urges. I feel like that part of my life was
taken away from me and sometimes, I want to feel that again. You know?”
Sam was feeling a growing pit in his stomach. He knew where this conversation
was going. He had left the toys at home thinking he wouldn’t need them. Sam
knew that left with few options but he still didn’t know if he wanted to do
that with Dean. A large part of him still thought that would be taking
advantage of him. Sam tried to keep his voice as neutral as possible, “I don’t
want to take advantage of you, Dean.”
Dean’s cheeks flushed and he whispered to Sam, “You won’t be.” He paused and
looked up in Sam’s eyes. He knew Sam was uncertain, “I want to feel those
things with someone that cares about me.”
Sam swallowed hard and he knew Dean was talking about him. He pulled Dean’s
head up and kissed him on the lips softly. It was their first real kiss and it
felt nice. He had never kissed any omega before and it was perfect. Dean was
perfect. Sam kissed Dean lightly for a few minutes before he moved his hand
down the side of his brother’s chest. He could still feel Dean’s ribs but the
skin was smooth and warm.
Sam noticed Dean did not make a move to touch him in return but Dean did return
the kisses. He pulled back from Dean’s mouth and looked at his brother in the
eyes as he moved a hand up behind Dean’s neck. Breathlessly Sam asked, “Do you
want this?”
Dean looked up at Sam with uncertainty. It was hard for him not to blank out
when he was doing this. It was hard for him not to just go through the motions
while his mind was someplace else, someplace empty. He remembered whenever his
father or the men he was sold to would do this to him. He learned just to go
somewhere else in his mind and let whatever they want happen. Dean could still
feel their touch and he still could do what they wanted, but his heart and mind
were not in it. His mind was in a field of emptiness where the men could not
follow him.
It made Dean feel ashamed that he felt himself slipping there with Sam. He
didn’t want that with Sam. He wanted Sam to feel special and Dean wanted Sam to
be special to him. He just wasn’t really sure how to make that happen. Dean
knew Sam liked the truth so he softly told Sam, “Yes, I am sorry. It is just
sometimes I get lost in my head when I do this. It keeps the hurt away.”
Sam nodded but did not pull in for another kiss. He gently rubbed a hand up and
down Dean’s side. Calmly he said, “You have nothing to be sorry for. If you
feel yourself getting lost, scared, or if you want to stop, tell me.” Sam
paused and looked up into Dean’s eyes, “If you want to touch me, you can.”
Dean reached a tentative hand up and touched Sam down his chest. Sam felt
different than him. Sam was muscular and firm. He wasn’t overly thin like him.
Sam was the perfect alpha to Dean. He watched as Sam pulled their shirts off.
He wrapped his arms awkwardly around Sam and felt him. Dean wasn’t used to
having the ability to touch during times like this and Sam didn’t seem to mind.
If anything, Sam seemed to like it and Dean found that being able to touch kept
his mind from slipping at least for now. Dean relished in their kisses and
caresses on their chests and arms. Dean felt Sam’s fingertips as they trailed
over his body. It felt nice and familiar even though it was something he had
never experienced before.
Dean felt Sam’s hand reach lower and touch him on his crotch. He knows his
penis is hard but alphas never touch him there except to hurt him and mock him.
Dean freezes and his body goes stiff at the touch. It is unwelcome because he
is certain of what will come next. He feels himself drifting into his own mind.
When Dean froze Sam immediately thought he had gone too far. He pulls away from
Dean’s private parts and stops the kissing. Sam takes a moment to catch his
breath before speaking, “Sorry, we don’t have to continue this or do this
again. Just tell me what you want.”
Dean looks up at Sam and he can see the honesty in his face. He frowns and says
weakly, “I’m sorry, alpha. I was just bracing for you to hit me.”
Sam moved to sit up on the bed. He looked at Dean with confusion, “What? I
wasn’t going to hit you. Why would anyone ever hit you there?” Sam paused when
he realized the typical alpha would hit an omega there. Sam recollected his
thoughts and added, “It feels good when I touch myself there and I thought it
would feel the same for you.”
Dean ruffled his brow and said quietly, “That pleasure is for alphas, not for
omegas. I am omega so alphas like to make me hurt there. That is all it is good
for. It is good for hurting.”
Sam took a deep breath and said calmly, “Dean, I promise you I am never going
to hurt you. I am not like other alphas. I want to see you happy and I promise,
no one is going to anything to make your dick hurt again.”
Dean turned his head down and asked quietly with fear in his voice, “So what
are you going to do to me down there?”
Sam raised his eyebrows and said simply, “Nothing, at least not right now.
You’re scared and I am not going to force myself on you. We can wait and take
baby steps until you are ready. Does that sound okay?”
Dean nodded in agreement as Sam pulled Dean back into a hug and held him in his
arms. He felt Dean relax. Sam felt Dean slowly move his fingertips up and down
his sides. It tickled a little but Sam enjoyed the peaceful touch. Neither of
them wanted anything more in this moment.
++
Bobby came back in the early afternoon with news that they wouldn’t be able to
go home from another day. Sam was disappointed with the news but he understood
that the police had to do their jobs. All they knew so far was there were two
dead cops and John was still very much alive. Sam knew he should go up to the
hospital to check on his father’s condition. It was the right thing to do. Sam
just wasn’t sure how he felt about leaving Dean.
Eventually, Bobby convinced Sam that they would be fine. Bobby even rented a
movie for them to watch to avoid any uncomfortable conversations, which seemed
to please Sam. The last thing Sam wanted was to come back to the motel to find
a terrified Dean again. He had enough on his plate. He didn’t need anyone
upsetting Dean.
Sam hesitantly walked into the hospital and got the room number for his father.
He slowly walked down the corridor to his father’s room and he stood outside
the door. Sam felt sick and he didn’t want to be here. The officer outside the
door looked at Sam curiously before saying, “You’re the next of kin, right?”
Sam nodded and said weakly, “Yes, I am. I am here to see him if that is okay.”
The officer shrugged and said, “Sure, he is awake. Have fun kid.”
Sam shook his head and walked into the room. His father was laying down on the
hospital bed with the back raised up. Sam noted that his father’s arms were
restrained to the bed and one of his legs was in a cast. He saw a hospital gown
over his father’s chest where he remembered blood the night before. Cautiously,
Sam walked to the front of his father’s bed.
Sam locked eyes with his father for a few moments. He noted that John didn’t
look angry. He just looked tired. Sam took a deep breath and his mind shifted
back to kissing Dean. He felt jealous when he realized that he would never be
Dean’s first alpha. The monster who was his father took that from Dean. Sam
breathed out a slow breath when he reminded himself that at least Dean could be
his first omega which was still special.
Sam brought his mind back to the present and said calmly, “Are you going to be
okay?”
John shrugged and for some reason that annoyed Sam but Sam didn’t say anything.
He just waited. In a hoarse voice John replied, “Yeah, it was a lucky shot. It
tore me up pretty good on the surface. Bobby shot a blank but the proximity was
close so it caused a lot of blood and knocked the wind out of me.” John paused
before narrowing his gaze on Sam, “You weren’t shooting blanks but you weren’t
going to kill me either.”
It was Sam’s turn to shrug. He looked around the white walls of the hospital
room before stating calmly, “No, I wasn’t because I am not like you.” Sam
paused and looked at his father in the eye, “I won’t let you see or hurt Dean
again.”
John sighed and glanced out the window, “I know. What are you going to do with
him anyways? He’s pretty worthless. All he ever does is cower like the coward
he is.”
Sam flinched at his father’s words. They sounded so much like what Dean thought
about himself and it hurt Sam to hear the words from the source. Sam gritted
his teeth together and said as calmly as he could, “I want Dean to be happy and
decide for himself what he wants in life.” Sam paused when he saw his father
shaking his head in disbelief, “And John..” Sam waited as his father’s head
shot up at that, “Dean is a lot stronger than you think.”
John chuckled, “Dean is an omega. He was never been strong. Omegas are weak and
stupid.”
Sam raised an eyebrow and asked, “So you think mom was stupid and weak or just
Dean?”
John balled up his fists on the bed sheets. He growled at Sam, “Don’t you dare
talk about Mary like that. Mary was different. She was bright and engaging. She
was almost like a beta but she still needed structure and orders to thrive.”
Sam closed his eyes and said slowly, “Dean became what you raised him to
become. He could have been bright and engaging like mom and not the traumatized
man you caused him to be. If you did half the things to me that you did to
Dean. I don’t even know how I would be able to talk much less function. I think
Dean does pretty well for himself considering.”
John rolled his eyes, “You’re an alpha, Sam. Of course, it would be different
for you.” John took a deep breath. “You know I killed two betas yesterday to
try to get to Dean.”
Sam nodded because he knew. Slowly Sam said, “Yes, but I haven’t heard what the
charges are going to be for you.”
John stuck out his lip and shrugged. He winked at Sam and said slyly, “I think
I am going to get off pretty light. You’ll see.”
Sam put his hands in his pockets and said nervously, “Yeah, I have to go. I
just wanted to make sure you were okay because it was the right thing to do. I
don’t ever want to see you again. Dean has to be my focus.”
John frowned and said in a mocking tone, “I know, Sam. You were never really a
son to me.”
The words shouldn’t have stung as much as they did but they still cut through
Sam in ways he didn’t really understand. Sam retreated from the hospital room
closing the door behind him. He felt rejected by his own father and he couldn’t
understand why that hurt so much. Sam knew his father had done terrible things
to Dean and had abandoned him with Bobby. But still his father was his family
and it became real for Sam in that moment that he had just lost half of his
blood family. It made Sam feel determined to hold on and cherish the only piece
he had left. He wanted to get back to Dean.
***** Reflections *****
After two more days at the motel, they were finally able to go home. It was a
relief to everyone. Sam just wanted to relax on his own bed when he got home
but that wasn’t what the cards had in store for him. Dean was intent on
scrubbing everything with bleach. Sam knew that shouldn’t annoy him, but it
did. He could not understand why Dean could not just relax.
Dean was busy thinking as he cleaned. He knew that Sam wasn’t like most alphas.
He knew deep down past all the crap he had to live through he wasn’t like most
omegas either. Dean wondered if it was just some sort of family curse or if he
was just lucky in a way. He thought about his differences as he scrubbed the
floor.
He thought about how he could read and write. Dean knew that wasn’t normal for
an omega. He had taught himself to read and write. He knew most of what he
learnt was from watching or trying to help Sam. Dean had never gone to school
but he had helped Sam with his homework plenty of times. He had helped Sam
learn his shapes, write letters, learn to spell, count, and even some science.
One of the things that made him feel the proudest was when he learnt how to
tell time. Having that skill caused him to get punished less because he could
have things ready on time.
Dean remembered always listening when Sam would read out loud stories from
history or science. He remembered closing his eyes and trying to envision what
Sam was talking about. Dean knew that in some ways Sam was an anchor for him in
a world that didn’t really want him.
Dean knew he learnt some things from his father too. He studied first aid,
which may only be checking for a fever and putting a bandage on a bump for most
people, but for Dean it was different.  He remembered watching his father
carefully as he learnt how to put in stitches. He learnt how to ignore the
string of insults that came from his father’s mouth as each stitch was
carefully sewed into place.
He learnt how to cook basic meals for Sam and his father. Dean knew it was
something his mother had done and his father demanded the same of him. It was
one of the few things John ever took the time with Dean to teach him. He never
knew if his cooking tasted good or not because he never got to eat any of it
until Sam took ownership of him. Dean remembered that his father always made it
clear that the nicer things like a cooked meal weren’t for omegas. He got the
leftovers with died cereal mixed in on good days. Most days, it was just dried
cereal in his bowl.
Sam’s way of handling meals was one of the most peculiar things to Dean. He
didn’t really understand why Sam had him sit at the table and eat the same
things. He didn’t object, though. It was different, but it felt nice. Dean
remembered being terrified the first few times Sam made him eat at a table and
use silverware. He was expecting to get hit or knocked to the floor and mocked,
but Sam didn’t do that. Dean knew it was something he could never take for
granted, but he was starting to enjoy eating with Bobby and Sam. It gave him a
feeling inside he couldn’t quite place inside himself.
Dean’s hand tightened around the brush he was using to scrub the floor when he
thought about what his father spent the most time teaching him. He didn’t like
to think about how his father taught him to be a prostitute. Even when he was
doing it to please his father, if he really thought about it, it made him feel
sick. He knew he wasn’t ever one of the moaners from a porno but he knew he was
still good. Dean recalled that having anal sex was easy when he was in heat.
He knew his father kept him in heat most of the time and it gave him a natural
slick. Dean also knew that he serviced enough customers on a frequent enough
basis he didn’t have to worry about getting too tight and tearing. He cringed
whenever he did tear, though. Dean knew he could block out the pain, but it was
his father’s anger for damaging his property that couldn’t be blocked out.
Dean remembered that oral sex was one of the hardest things for him. He hated
doing it because of the pain it caused him. The pain would always start at the
hinge of his jaw and then travel up to his ear. After a minute or two his ears
and jaw would be throbbing so badly his eyes would start to water. Dean knew it
felt like a bad ear infection with little needles being shoved into his ears.
He remembered trying to tell his father once, who told him to stop being such a
whiny whore.
Dean never spoke about the discomfort to his father again. He just let the
silent tears fall and he tried to keep them to a minimum, but that was always
hard with oral sex. Especially when they started deep throating him. It was
like he had an automatic reflex for the tears to start as soon as the back of
his throat was touched. Even when his father was training him to deep throat by
putting a ruler down his throat the tears would rise up. John found it amusing
so Dean knew he didn’t have to focus on stopping it.
The hardest thing about sex for Dean was controlling his own impulses. He
remembered vividly his cock and balls getting tortured for getting aroused.
Most alphas liked it when the omega was aroused, but having a slick ass and a
hard cock were two different things. Dean knew that having one without the
other was next to impossible for him, but he always tried and it always left
him feeling dirty. He remembered that prior to Sam coming into his life his
cock and balls seemed to be in a constant state of black and purple. He always
had dark bruising in that area.
Dean did feel bad about clamming up when Sam went to touch him there, but
nothing hurt in that area for once and he didn’t want that taken away. He
remembered the near hysterical joy he felt the first time he peed and it didn’t
hurt. It happened after about 2 weeks of being with Sam because Sam was nice to
him and kept the clients away from him. Dean knew he shouldn’t ask for anything
but being able to pee without pain is something he wished he could have for the
rest of his life.
But now he knew that something that simple wasn’t going to last. Sam wanted to
have sex with him and he did want that too. It just felt right to do that with
Sam, but Dean wanted to know what it felt like to have sex without pain and
without being degraded. He wanted to know what it felt like to have sex with
someone who viewed him as something more than a sexual object.
Most of the time Dean knew Sam didn’t view him as a sexual object, but there
was still that voice in the back his mind telling him that is all he was. Dean
didn’t know how to reconcile that. He knew Sam was being patient when it came
to sex and he couldn’t understand why. It was making him nervous. Ever since
his freak out the other day, Sam had kept all of his touchings above the belt.
Dean loved the touch he was given and he wanted more, but he didn’t know how to
ask for more.
Dean wasn’t sure what to make of it when Sam told him that no one was going to
hurt his dick again. Out of all the clients he had serviced whenever he touched
alphas on their cocks they jerked and groaned. It looked like they were in some
sort of discomfort to Dean and for some reason, the alphas liked that
discomfort to continue until they climaxed. Dean figured that the reason why
alphas always hit him in that area was to make up for their discomfort, but
part of him wondered if it was just to show their superiority.
Dean didn’t know but he was thinking about asking Sam to do what he wanted down
there. He thought maybe that would please Sam or show his willingness to serve
Sam. Dean was terrified of the idea and part of him just want to prolong it as
much as possible, after all, he has enjoyed not hurting. Dean huffed out a
laugh and shook his head. He realised he wasn’t being a good omega because he
was more concerned about his own suffering over his alphas wants. Dean knew
what he had to do to solve that problem.
Dean refocused on scrubbing the floor as he thought about his life some more.
He thought about what he learnt from Bobby. He knew Bobby was always good to
him. Bobby had taught him how to work on cars and it was one of the most
exciting things he had ever done. He loved the weeks as a teenager he spent
with Bobby learning about cars and how to fix other things. It made him feel
alive. He wished he could get past his fear and go out into the salvage yard to
work on cars. But he just couldn’t bring himself to wander like that.
He thought about how Bobby was always kind to him like Sam is. Bobby would let
him eat at the table and sleep in a bed when John wasn’t there. He remembered
Bobby swearing Sam to secrecy on that. He remembered being nervous that Sam
would spill the secret to John. Sam never did tell John. He thought about that
for a moment because Sam never really told their father anything. Dean wondered
if that was why John got rid of Sam. Maybe Sam was growing up to be too kind
and too secretive.
Dean didn’t know, all he knew is that right now he had to finish cleaning the
floors before Sam got upset.
++
Sam could smell the bleach down in the laundry room as he listened to the sound
of the washer. He was busy folding the latest load of laundry and separating it
by who it belonged too. Sam knew Dean would have probably wanted to do the
laundry and he knew Dean would probably refold it a million times anyways. But
right now he needed a distraction and he had given up on trying to relax.
His mind was racing. Sam thought a lot about what his father said and although
he knew it shouldn’t hurt as much as it did. It still stung. He knew he felt
better after he talked to Bobby about it. Bobby told Sam that as far as he was
concerned Sam and Dean were his boys, his sons. Those words almost caused Sam
to want to have a breakdown from joy and acceptance. It was just that he had
spent so much of his life clarifying that Bobby was his guardian that he had
forgotten who Bobby was deep down to him.
Bobby was his father. He was the one that taught him right from wrong. He was
the one that helped him through his struggles in life, the one that supported
him, and the one that never rejected him no matter what stupid thing he did.
Sam knew he didn’t have the same interests as Bobby. He loathed the salvage
business, but he wondered if that was just a symptom of working in the yard all
through high school. He remembered it was the grease under his nails he
couldn’t stand.
Sam thought about Dean. He wondered if it was wrong to want a sexual
relationship with him. Sam knew that the plague changed a lot of things. If it
wasn’t for the plague then Dean would have never been tortured like he was.
They both would have grown up being treated relatively the same and their
mother might even be alive. Sam wondered what it would have been like to have a
big brother a few grades ahead of him in school. He thought that would have
been cool. He always admired the kids who had alpha and beta siblings. Sam
remembered that he always got teased in elementary school because his brother
was an omega. He remembered beating up the kids who teased him about Dean
because to Sam, Dean was the most important thing in the world.
Sam remembered that in high school, he never spoke about Dean because it hurt
too much. It wasn’t normal for an alpha to abandon his alpha son with beta and
keep the omega son. He wondered what his old high school buddies would think
about him now. He didn’t know that John was hurting Dean all through high
school and college. Sam didn’t know what he would have done if he had known.
There wasn’t much he could do besides get angry and that wouldn’t solve any of
his problems.
Sam knew he had to talk to Bobby and tell him that he was exploring a sexual
relationship with Dean. He was expecting Bobby to be pissed. Sam knew that
Bobby didn’t like the mating within the same family. Bobby would always tell
Sam about how it limited genetic diversity in the next generation. But Sam knew
he didn’t have to worry about genetic diversity; Dean couldn’t get pregnant.
Sam stopped folding the clothes and decided that he was going to have to get
this conversation out of the way with Bobby.
***** Exploring New Things *****
Dean knew there was a heated discussion between Bobby and Sam that afternoon.
He only had guessed as to what the argument was about but he figured it was his
fault. He felt a lot of guilt for causing John to show up and putting Sam and
Bobby in the position of having to defend him. What was worse in Dean’s mind is
how they got kicked out of their home for a couple days. Dean thought for sure
that was what the argument was about, but he couldn’t make out the words with
all the hushed tones.
He was relieved that Sam seemed to win the argument, whatever it was. Dean
figured that would mean he would get punished less whenever Sam went to take
out his frustration on him. One thing had changed since coming home and after
the argument. Sam had moved their beds together and put a connector in between
the beds to keep them together. Dean wondered if this meant that he would have
to sleep on the floor now, but he didn’t ask. He decided to just wait until Sam
told him.
Dean was getting ready for bed. He was changing into his pajamas while Sam read
a book on the bed. He neatly folded the clothes he wore that day and put them
in the hamper. Sometimes Dean wondered why Sam always just threw his dirty
clothes in the hamper without folding them, but he figured it must be an alpha
thing.
After Dean, he was changed he went and sat down in the corner of the room. He
sat down in the opposite corner of the air vent. This corner was a little more
out in the open, which he didn’t like but Sam had told him to stop sitting in
the corner with the air vent. Sam was concerned about him getting cold but had
assured him he wasn’t in trouble. Dean wasn’t sure if he believed that.
Dean carefully laid down on the floor and curled himself into a ball for
warmth. He knew he didn’t want to upset Sam by getting cold. Dean closed his
eyes as he heard Sam close the book he was reading. He felt nervous and his
body flinched from where it was on the floor when he heard Sam speak. Sam
sounding concerned and maybe a little upset when he spoke, “Dean, are you upset
about something?”
He thought for a moment and tried to think of if he was upset about anything.
Dean couldn’t really think of anything at the moment. He was just tired.
Quietly he replied, “No alpha, I’m just tired.”
Dean heard Sam sigh and got out of bed. He tensed when he heard Sam walk over
to him and he felt Sam’s hand on his shoulder. Sam’s voice was gentle as he
eased Dean up, “Come on Dean. Let me help you get you off the floor and into
bed.” Dean let Sam guide him into bed and he watched with suspicion when Sam
curled in on the other side of the bed.
Once Sam was on the bed with him, Dean felt Sam’s hand brushing gently through
his hair. He closed his eyes to the touch because it felt nice. After a few
moments, Dean felt his body relax under Sam’s touch. He heard Sam speak in a
calm soothing tone, “Dean, I moved the beds together so we could be closer
together when we sleep. I like being close to you. I don’t want you sleeping on
the floor. I want you near me in bed, but if that makes you uncomfortable we
can always move the beds apart. It is your choice.”
Dean wanted to groan in frustration but he remained quiet. He hated it when Sam
did something like this. He hated it when Sam would clearly state what he wants
then backtrack on a random possibility of what he might want. Then ask him what
he wanted. Dean never knew whether he should choose what Sam said he wanted or
the random possibility.
After a few moments of thinking it through, Dean decided to go with what Sam
wanted. It made the most sense and he liked pleasing his alpha. Quietly Dean
said, “I like being close to you when you sleep.”
Sam curled his arms around Dean and held his brother as they drifted off to
sleep. He didn’t know how to make Dean feel safe or how to keep Dean from
reverting back to what John had trained into him. All Sam knew is it was going
to be a long road for Dean to find himself.
++
Dean woke up in the morning before Sam. He could feel Sam’s warm arms around
him and it felt nice. He could also feel that Sam was aroused in his sleep.
Dean wasn’t sure what to make of that. He wanted to do those things with Sam
but he still felt fear. Being knotted always came with some discomfort, even
during heat. He knew that since he wasn’t heat chances were it was going to
hurt, a lot. Dean didn’t really want to face that.
Still, Dean had decided that he was going to try to please Sam sexually, so
facing the coming pain was a necessary evil. Dean shifted in bed when he felt
Sam stir. He tentatively kissed Sam on the lips. His brother had morning breath
but he knew better than to say anything about that. Dean felt Sam’s hands graze
his upper body and he returned the touch on Sam’s body.
Slowly, he moved his hand down to Sam’s crotch and he rubbed a hand on Sam’s
cock. Dean heard his brother let out a soft moan before Sam slid out of his
clothes. He wasn’t sure if he should get undressed too. Dean figured he was
probably supposed to be naked, but he just froze. It took a few moments to
realize Sam was kissing his neck and pulling his shirt up. Dean helped get his
shirt off and was surprised when Sam didn’t make a move towards his pants.
Instead, he heard Sam whisper in his ear, “What do you want to do, Dean?” He
could feel Sam running his hands up and down his upper body. It felt nice to
have Sam touch him, but the idea that he was supposed to decide what
interaction they had terrified him.
Dean lowered his head away from Sam and bit down on his bottom lip. He thought
about how this was about pleasing Sam, but he had no idea how to please Sam.
Sam seemed so different and Dean knew he couldn’t predict what exactly it was
Sam wanted. He knew Sam wanted to touch him lower and although the idea
terrified Dean, he knew he should ask for that. Dean figured then Sam would
loosen up and be okay with using him. He still wanted it to be special with
Sam. He just didn’t know how to make that happen.
Quietly Dean said, “I want you to touch me.” Dean reached up a tentative hand
to Sam’s and pulled it down to his clothed crotch.
Sam kissed the back of Dean’s neck as he rubbed a hand up and down Dean’s penis
through his clothes. He knew Dean was a little tense so he didn’t want to push
things too far too quickly. They had the rest of their lives and there was no
need in Sam’s book to rush this.
Sam carefully gauged Dean’s reaction as he pulled down Dean’s pajama pants and
boxers. He groaned when he saw that Dean helped as much as he could to pull
them the rest of the way down and off. Gently he started touching the smooth
skin around Dean’s penis and he cupped Dean’s balls. He rolled them in his
hands for a few moments before he felt Dean jerk.
Sam pulled up to look at Dean’s face. He wanted to make sure he wasn’t hurting
Dean. When he looked at Dean’s face Sam saw that Dean’s eyes were closed
tightly and his breathing was labored. Dean had moved his hands away from Sam’s
body and was flexing his fingers on the sheets.
Sam stopped and moved his hand away. He asked Dean with concern, “Are you okay?
Am I hurting you?”
Dean opened his eyes to Sam’s words and his pupils were dilated. Sam watched as
Dean caught his breath and said, “Yes.. No.. I don’t know. I’ve never felt
anything like that before.”
Sam closed his eyes and shook his head. He ran his fingertips over Dean’s
abdomen and asked, “Do you want me to stop?”
Dean bit down on his bottom lip as he shook his head no. Then he told Sam
weakly, “Please continue, alpha.” In all honesty, Dean wasn’t sure if he wanted
Sam to continue or not. The stimulation was different, very different from
being knotted. While it didn’t hurt, Dean couldn’t help but feel that he
shouldn’t do this because he was an omega. The reason why Dean asked Sam to
continue was simple. He knew Sam wanted to continue and he wasn’t about to tell
his alpha no.
Sam moved his hand back down to between Dean’s legs and Dean closed his eyes
again. Dean was still waiting for the pain to come, but he didn’t feel pain.
Sam reached across Dean on the bed and grabbed a bottle of lubricant. He moved
his hand away from in between Dean’s legs and put some lubricant on his hand
and then he moved his hand to Dean’s penis.
He carefully rubbed the lubricant around his shaft. Dean was smaller than him,
but not by much. Sam had no idea if penis sizes varied from alpha to omega. He
put his curiosity aside as he started to rub his hand slowly up and down the
Dean’s cock. Sam could tell that Dean was still tense and he knew Dean was
expecting to get hit.
Sam didn’t hit him instead he slowly stroked for a few minutes. He watched as
Dean’s breathing increased and the sweat beads start to show on Dean’s skin.
Sam hoped Dean was enjoying this and not just submitting to it. Sam knew Dean
was getting close so he increased the speed of the strokes.
Dean felt something different with Sam touching him there. He liked it but he
was fully expecting Sam to stop and start striking him. This was a forbidden
pleasure and he could feel why alphas liked using this part of their bodies.
Dean felt a tight sensation in the area. It was foreign, yet familiar to him at
the same time. It was similar to a climax from being knotted but this felt
stronger. There wasn’t discomfort and it didn’t feel like something primal.  
Dean felt his body start to stiffen then he felt a way of pleasure come over
him. He felt something coming out of his penis. He knew it was come like what
alphas had. Dean had felt it dribble out of his own cock before when he was in
heat, but he had never felt it shoot out like he had this time.
Afterward Dean caught his breath and looked down at the mess on his stomach. He
looked up at Sam who had a tentative grin on his face. Sam kissed Dean along
the jaw and asked into his ear, “Was that okay?”
Dean wasn’t really sure what to think. He was wondering if he was going to get
punished for feeling that. Dean looked up at Sam briefly then lowered his gaze.
“It was nice, alpha. Thank you, alpha.”
Sam frowned and nodded. He wasn’t sure he believed Dean. Sam pulled Dean into a
hug and said softly, “I hope you really enjoyed that, Dean.” He pulled away and
laid on his back. He was still hard but he didn’t want to make Dean do anything
about it. Sam knew he could easily take care of it himself and with as sexually
abused as Dean had been throughout his life; he didn’t want to push.
Sam was surprised when he felt Dean’s hand on him. He relaxed into the light
touch around his groin. He felt Dean move down on the bed then he felt Dean
make a tentative lick on his cock. It felt nice. Sam leaned his head back and
closed his eyes as Dean started to lick and suck his cock. He groaned and tried
not to thrust upward as Dean sucked.
Sam felt one of Dean’s hand around the base of his cock gently stroking as Dean
continued to suck. It felt amazing. He was getting lost in the feeling when he
opened his eyes and looked down at Dean. He stared at Dean for a moment as he
focused on Dean’s face. Then he saw it. Dean was crying.
All of Sam’s previous arousal drained out of him nearly instantly. He sat up
and grabbed Dean’s shoulders and pulled up. Firmly Sam said, “Dean, stop.”
Sam watched as Dean leaned back and looked up at him with confusion. He could
clearly see the tear streaks on his brother’s face. Sam took a deep breath as
he felt the uncomfortable pain that came with trying to get off and not
finishing it. He didn’t really care about that at the moment. He just wanted to
know what he did to make Dean cry. It made him feel terrible.
Dean kept his gaze down, now he was certain that Sam was going to punish him.
He figured he must of have been doing it wrong. He hoped that after Sam got
done punishing him Sam would train him to do it right. Dean kept his head down
as he felt a growing pit in his stomach. He wanted Sam to be and feel special
and he screwed that up.
Gently Sam asked, “Dean, why were you crying?”
Sam watched as Dean looked away then back down, never making eye contact. Dean
spoke quietly and Sam could hear the shame in Dean’s voice, “It hurts when I do
that.”
Sam was confused. He didn’t know how it hurt. He didn’t know if it was a
physical thing or a mental thing. Sam probed a little further, “Dean, I am not
mad but I want to know how that was hurting you. I never want to see you in
pain.”
Sam watched as Dean reached up and touched the sides of his face gently. He saw
Dean trace his fingers around his ears before he finally spoke, “My ears hurt
when I do that. It hurts a lot. It.. It throbs but Dad didn’t seem to think it
was an issue because I am just a worthless omega.”
Sam rolled his eyes and pulled Dean up from in between his legs. He wrapped his
arms around Dean to reassure him. He spoke gently but firmly, “It matters to me
and there is no reason for you to be in pain. Do your ears hurt other times?”
Dean shook his head yes and nuzzled his head into Sam’s chest. He felt like he
was being bad like he was keeping secrets from his alpha and he knew he
shouldn’t be keeping secrets from Sam. He knew that would get him punished.
Dean felt his breathing increase because he was scared of what Sam’s wrath
might look like.
Then his mind wandered to his past. He felt himself getting pulled into a
memory outside of Sam’s embrace. Inside his memory, his father was there. His
father was punishing him and he was afraid. He tried to hide from his father in
the memory, but off in the distance, he heard something.
Dean heard a voice that was frantic, “Dean, come on. Just breathe for me, nice
and slow.” Dean heard the voice repeat itself several times. Then Dean
recognized the voice. It was Sam. Dean blinked several times then he focused on
Sam’s face. He was confused to see that Sam was upset.
Dean turned his head down into Sam’s chest. He felt foolish for panicking. He
wondered why Sam kept him around. He couldn’t perform oral sex without pain and
now he couldn’t even answer a simple question without having a freakout. Dean
could feel Sam’s had rubbing circles on his back. He knew it was to calm him
and it helped.  
***** Dean's Struggles *****
“Congratulations Sam, you can now add your name to the list of jackasses that
have molested Dean. I hope you’re proud of yourself.” Bobby said to Sam with
venom. He was pissed when he found out what happened between the two boys that
morning.
Sam was sitting at the table with his hands on his head. He was fighting back
tears. He was ashamed and he didn’t want to be one of those people, but it
appeared he was. Sam kept his head down when he talked to Bobby, he couldn’t
face him right now. He knew that perhaps he was being a coward. He didn’t even
know what he was going to say to Dean. Somehow a simple sorry just didn’t sound
like enough. Not that Dean would really understand what he was trying to
apologize for anyways.
Sam sighed and looked up at the ceiling, “Look, I am sorry Bobby. You were
right. We shouldn’t have a sexual relationship. I didn’t mean to hurt Dean. I
was trying to give him what he wants.”
Bobby felt his anger flare and he knew he raised his voice loud enough for Dean
to hear, “What he wants? Does he even know what he wants? Your brother was
raised and trained to be property. A slave, Sam. That is what your brother was
brought up to be.. a slave. Do you know what slaves want?” Bobby paused to make
sure he had Sam’s attention, “They want to please their owner. Oh, and who is
Dean’s master? Oh, that’s right it is you.”
Sam felt the tears start to roll down his face. Bobby was right but it still
hurt and he felt himself getting defensive. He growled at Bobby, “Don’t call
him that.”
Bobby quirked an eyebrow but his anger didn’t fade, “What a slave? Would you
rather me call him a sex toy because that is what he had been used for all his
life?”
Sam glanced up at Bobby and said weakly through his tears, “Bobby please..” He
stopped speaking when he saw Dean standing in the doorway leaning up against
the doorframe. Sam could see that the color was gone from Dean’s face and he
was shaking. Sam stood and his tone changed to concern, “Dean? Are you okay?”
Dean didn’t say anything. He just kept his eyes glued to the floor. The floor
was a safe place to look. He didn’t really know what to think but he felt bad.
Dean just wanted to run away and hide. He didn’t like the words Bobby used to
describe him. He didn’t know if they were true or not. He knew he was
worthless, stupid, whore, and omega trash. But he didn’t know if he was a slave
or a sex toy. Those words were never beaten into him.
Bobby sighed and calmed down with a few deep breaths. He was surprised when
Dean didn’t answer Sam. He knew he had overreacted and now he had managed to
upset both of the boys. Bobby knew from the last time he tried to talk to Dean
about Sam it caused him to get upset. He knew that now was not the time to
probe. Dean was loyal to his alpha.
Sam wiped away the tears on his face and stood. He put a hand on Dean’s
shoulder and spoke firmly, “Dean, answer me. Are you okay?” At this point, Sam
didn’t really care if Bobby thought he was bossing Dean around. Being Dean’s
alpha and being direct with him was the only way for Sam to know what was going
on. He had a pretty good idea what was going on but he needed Dean to confirm
with him.
Dean slid the floor to kneel with Sam’s words. He didn’t know what else to do.
Everyone was upset with him and he didn’t know how to make it right. Dean’s
words came out as begging, “I’m sorry, Alpha. Please let me prove to you I can
be a good omega. You didn’t hurt me, Alpha. You’ve never hurt me, Alpha. I’m
sorry, Alpha.” Dean lowered his head to the floor and continued to murmur, “I’m
sorry, Alpha,” over and over.
Sam sat down on the floor and pulled Dean into his arms. He shot Bobby a glare
and the older man excused himself from the room. Sam knew Bobby was still
within earshot but he didn’t care. If he wanted to have a private conversation
with Dean he would have moved them back up to their room. Sam rocked Dean in
his arms for a few minutes before finally whispering, “Shh.. It’s okay, Dean.
You’re not in trouble.”
Sam continued to hold Dean for awhile longer. He could feel that Dean wasn’t
relaxing. At a loss for any good ideas on what else to do. Sam said gently,
“Dean, I am sorry you heard Bobby and me arguing.” He paused and noticed it had
no effect on Dean. He wasn’t even sure Dean registered what he had just said.
Firmly but gently Sam asked, “Dean, please calm down and tell me what has you
so upset. What are you afraid of?”
Sam was expecting a lot of possible answers, none of them being what came out
of Dean’s mouth. Dean’s voice sounded sad and weak, “I..I want to do things
with you. I like it when you touch me. I wanted our times together to be
special and now I messed that up. You and Bobby think you’re hurting me but
you’re not.”
Dean paused and huffed out a breath, which surprised Sam. It was the closest
Dean had come to expressing anger and Dr. Gaines had warned that during the
course of Dean’s recovery he would get angry. Sam wasn’t expecting anything
close to anger this soon. Dean clinched his jaw before resuming speaking, his
voice was a little stronger but it was still broken, “Throughout my entire life
you’re the only person that has ever been nice to me. You’re the only person
who has never called me names or looked at me as less than human. You’ve never
hit me, even when we were kids and here I am expecting you to beat me.
“I know I am messed up inside. I’m an omega and the things Bobby said are
probably true. The things the doctor said about killing me are probably true
too. I look at you as more than just my owner, Sam. You’re the only person
who’s ever really loved and cared for me.”
Sam broke into Dean’s rambling with a gentle, “Dean…”
But Dean continued on feeling his eyes sting with tears as he finished what he
had to say, “I get it, though if you don’t feel the same way. I understand if
you don’t want me and I'll understand if you kill or get rid of me. I’ve heard
you arguing with Bobby and I know it was about me. I know you left college for
me and I have given you nothing but problems in return. I know neither of you
thinks I understand things, but I do and I will understand if you don’t want
me.”
Sam was crying. Dean’s confession was just too much for him. He had never heard
Dean speak so many words at one time. It was a relief in some ways for Dean to
spell out what he was feeling and what he thought, but in other ways, it hurt.
For Sam, it highlighted how sad Dean’s life had been and despite Dean’s kind
words about him, Sam knew he had failed Dean. He knew that he had never once
stopped his father from hurting Dean or done anything to stop it when he had
his suspicions of serious abuse.
++
Despite the rocky start to the morning, the afternoon was going better. But Sam
knew it was about to go downhill again. He had made an appointment at the
clinic for Dean to see Dr. Richardson. As much as he didn’t want to go there
again with the way Dean was treated before, Sam knew that Dean would get
treated worse someplace else and he had to find out what was going on with
Dean’s ears.
Sam had taken the time to explain to them when he made the appointment not to
mention euthanasia or rehoming Dean. He did not elaborate when the lady on the
phone asked him why instead he just restated his expectation. Sam didn’t feel
like going through the never ending speech about how Dean is human and has as
much right to live as he does.
Sam had also taken the time to explain to Dean that they were going to the
doctor. Dean had remained mostly silent after rambling this morning. Not that
Sam could really blame Dean for being silent. It had been an emotional day and
he knew Dean was probably feeling things that he buried inside himself. Dean
didn’t object to going to the doctor, not that Sam was expecting him to object.
Sam drove in silence to the clinic. Dean stared blankly out the window along
the way and held his leash in his lap. Sam still didn’t understand how the
leash helped him feel safe, but it did help to relieve some of the guilt he
felt by having to put Dean on a leash at the clinic.
Inside the clinic, it was much the same as their first visit. Sam was relieved
that it seemed to take less time to get back to a room. Sam didn’t miss it
though when Dean flinched when the nurse took his blood pressure and
temperature.
They waited in the room for a few minutes before Dr. Richardson came in. She
smiled at Sam and said, “Good afternoon, Mr. Winchester. I understand our omega
is having some ear pain?”
Sam nodded from the chair he was sitting in and stroked Dean’s hair from where
he was sitting on the floor. Sam spoke carefully, “Yes, whenever Dean opens his
mouth so far. He said his ears start to hurt. He said it throbs.”
Dr. Richardson nodded and said calmly, “Could you please have your omega sit on
the table?”
Sam stood and led Dean over to the table. He watched as Dean sat down on the
table with his legs dangling over the edge. Dr. Richardson touched the side of
his face and Dean flinched away from the touch. Dean closed his eyes tightly
and the doctor asked Sam, “Is this causing your omega pain?”
For a moment Sam felt like he was playing the adult version of the telephone
game. Sam shook his head and decided to stop this talking around Dean before he
gave himself a headache. Firmly he said, “Dean, please answer Dr. Richardson
when she asks a question.” He paused and watched Dean nod. Then Sam added,
“When she touched you did it hurt?”
Dean kept his head down and replied weakly, “No, Alpha.”
Dr. Richardson went back to touching Dean’s face then she had him open his
mouth. She shined a light in his mouth and put a small mirror in his mouth. Sam
knew she was looking at Dean’s teeth and he could see Dean start to strain from
having his mouth open. After a few more moments she moved her head close to the
side of Dean’s face. She opened and closed his jaw and Sam couldn’t help but
think she was listening for something. Then Sam watched as she shined a light
inside each of Dean’s ears.
Finally, she stepped away from Dean. She was semi-confident when she spoke, “I
think your omega has temporomandibular joint. It is commonly referred to as
TMJ. It doesn’t appear to be a bad case but there is no cure. I can do x-rays
to make sure it is not something else. But with the popping, I heard in his
jaw. I am fairly certain.”
Sam nodded and he had a lot of questions, “Okay, um, what is the treatment for
this and how did this happen?”
Dr. Richardson gave Sam a sympathetic look, “A number of things could cause
this sort of condition. In omegas, the most common cause is a blow to the face
that caused damage to the joint.” She paused and Sam felt sick. He had seen his
father backhand Dean more times than he could count and have a permeant
reminder of it somehow didn’t seem fair.
The doctor continued, “As far as treatment, I don’t think an aggressive
approach is needful. A heating pad or ice pack on his face for about 10 minutes
a couple times a day should help with it. I will have one of the nurses bring
you a guard for his teeth. He’ll wear it when he sleeps. It will keep his teeth
apart so his jaw can relax.”
Sam nodded and asked, “Anything else?”
Dr. Richardson shrugged, “If he complains about pain, just give him some over
the counter NSAIDs like naproxen or ibuprofen. He’s an omega so his pain
tolerance is probably fairly high.” She looked back down at her folder and
added, “I do see here that Dean is steadily gaining weight which is good. Make
sure you are giving him soft meats in his bowl. The tougher meats could
irritate his jaw. I could get you liquid shakes for him if that would be
easier. We have some shakes which can be taken instead of food on a permanent
basis.”
Sam shook his head no and said calmly, “I think we will manage without that but
thank you for the offer.”
 Dr. Richardson smiled and said, “I would like to run his bloodwork again to
see if everything is evening out. We can call you with the results so you don’t
have to wait around here.”
Sam looked at Dean carefully for a moment. His brother looked like he blanked
out and wasn’t paying attention. He decided the bloodwork wouldn’t hurt and
Dean didn’t seem to have a thing against needles so Sam agreed.
Dr. Richardson left and a short time later a nurse came into taking Dean’s
blood. Sam wasn’t at all surprised when Dean flinched when the nurse first
touched him but didn’t make another move. Dean watched her put the needle in
his arm and draw the blood out. Sam felt bad for Dean at times like this. It
always hurt Sam to see Dean treated like an object and how it never failed that
most of the people they interacted with would not talk directly to Dean. Sam
thought it must hurt to feel invisible in the world but then Sam realized when
Dean got noticed in the world that hurt too.
As Sam and Dean were leaving the clinic Dr. Richardson stopped them. She was
nervous and Sam was fairly certain she was trying to flirt with him. She
stammered when she spoke, “Mr. Winchester.. um.. you seem to be really caring
towards your omega. I like that. I don’t mean to cross any lines here but maybe
we should go out sometime.”
Sam stared at her, mostly in disbelief as she looked at him expectantly. It
took him a few moments to come up with something to say. He had, after all,
heard the worst pickup line of all time. He kept his response brief, “Thank
you, but I am already in a relationship.” Then Sam gently nudged against Dean’s
arm and they left the clinic. He was more than glad to be out of there but
worried about Dean.
When they got out to the car Dean asked quietly, “Sam, who are you in a
relationship with?”
Sam looked at Dean carefully for a couple moments before replying simply,
“You.”
Dean looked surprised and lowered his head down. Sam heard Dean say a faint,
“Oh, I..um.. okay.” Sam knew it wasn’t normal to classify the interactions with
an omega as a relationship and that was probably what Dean was reacting too.
***** A Step Backwards *****
Dean knew Sam was putting on being okay for his benefit. He didn’t say anything
about it to Sam because he knew that wasn’t his place. Dean thought about what
Dr. Richardson said about a joint. He didn’t know which joint he had a problem
with but Sam seemed to understand what was going on. He figured that was all
that really mattered. It’s not like he could ask any questions at the clinic
anyways. If Sam understood then it would be okay.
Dean was laying down in the bed because Sam had told him to lay down. He didn’t
know why so he was staring at the ceiling as he listened to Sam pull something
out of the linen closet. He listened to Sam come back in the room and plug
something in. Then he heard Sam speak to him gently, “Lift up your head, Dean.”
He obeyed because after the day he had there was nothing more he wanted than to
just be told what to do so he didn’t have to think.
Sam placed the heating pad on Dean’s head and neck. He placed a small pillow on
either side of Dean’s face to hold it in place near his jaw. Sam carefully
turned the heating pad on low. Sam ran his fingers through Dean’s hair after
everything was set in place. Then he carefully pulled up the blankets over
Dean. It made Sam sad to see that Dean was diverting his eyes. Dean had zoned
out on the ride home and to Sam, Dean seemed to revert back to doing nothing
but obeying. Sam hoped Dean was just tired.
Sam couldn’t help but feel responsible for it. He knew he had to get control of
his bickering with Bobby about Dean or they would have to find someplace else
to live. Sam wasn’t sure that was a good idea because that would mean Dean
would be left alone for long periods of time while he was at work. He wasn’t
sure if Dean could take care of himself while he was alone. Sam thought Dean
would get cold and wouldn’t eat or worse.
Dean fell asleep with the heating pad on the sides of his face. It felt nice
and warm. He stirred slightly in his sleep when he felt Sam put something in
his mouth in between his teeth. It was a little uncomfortable but soon sleep
claimed him again.
++
When Dean woke up it was dark outside and Sam wasn’t in bed. At some point, Sam
had removed the heating pad but he didn’t know when that happened. He laid in
bed staring at the ceiling as he stretched out in bed. He knew he couldn’t get
up because Sam hadn’t given him permission to get up, so he just laid there.
He felt the thing in his mouth and pulled it out. Dean looked at for a few
moments trying to figure out what it is. It didn’t look like a gag. It was just
a thin piece of rubber that fit in between his teeth. Dean wasn’t sure what
purpose it served but Sam hadn’t given him permission to take it out so he put
it back in.
Dean heard the door to their room creak open and he saw Bobby standing in the
doorway. He lowered his eyes as soon as he saw him. Dean heard Bobby sigh and
walk into the room. His voice was gruff but not angry, “Good to see you’re
awake, son. Why don’t you come downstairs and get something to eat? You’ve been
asleep for a few hours.”
Dean kept his head down and he was unsure about how or if to respond. The thing
in his mouth limited his ability to speak and Sam hadn’t given him permission
to get up. He knew he had never gotten in trouble for talking to or doing what
Bobby asked, but Sam was fighting with Bobby. Dean didn’t know if that made a
difference. All he knew is he didn’t want to upset Sam. He knew he had to focus
on caring about Sam wanted because he didn’t want to get punished and he didn’t
want to disappoint Sam.
Dean heard Bobby step into the room and walk over to the bed. He felt a growing
fear inside of him because Bobby had never approached him in Sam’s bedroom
until today. The implications of what that could mean terrified him, but he was
trying not to let his fear show. Dean heard Bobby speak a little gentler this
time, “Come on Dean, cat got your tongue?”
Dean focused his gaze toward the bottom of the doorframe and stared at it. He
wanted to focus on something else. He didn’t know how to respond and the fact
that Bobby was getting closer without his alpha’s permission was starting to
make him panic. Dean knew he had to control his breathing. He was focusing on
the spot on the floor and steadying his breathing. Dean’s mind kept running
through a loop of telling himself to breathe nice and slow. Oddly, the voice in
his head telling him to breathe was Sam’s voice.
Bobby came closer to the bed where Dean was laying and he touched Dean on the
side of his arm. His fingers unintentionally brushed up against Dean’s ribs.
Bobby felt Dean shudder and he heard the boy whimper. He looked up at Dean and
the boy’s eyes were tightly closed. Dean’s breathing had increased and Bobby
knew he was panicking. Bobby moved his hand away and said gently, “Dean, I am
not going to hurt you. Can you talk to me and tell me what is going on?”
Bobby didn’t get a response. Instead, he got more whimpering and Dean’s body
was shaking. He knew Sam could grab hold of Dean and calm him down, but
something inside him told him touching Dean was what set Dean off in the first
place. Bobby stared at Dean wondering what he should do. He knew that he should
probably holler for Sam, but he didn’t want them to become codependent on each
other and he could see that was where their relationship was going. Sam needed
someone to take care of and Dean needed to be taken care of.
Hesitantly, Bobby sat down on the side of the bed in an attempt to calm Dean.
He reached out a hand and rubbed it up and down Dean’s arm. Only to see the
shaking increase. The whimpering quieted down but tears started to fall out of
Dean’s eyes. Bobby could see that Dean was flexing his jaw and probably
grinding his teeth. He knew that wouldn’t help Dean’s TMJ. Carefully, Bobby
said, “Dean, come on. Stop grinding your teeth and flexing your jaw. You are
hurting yourself.”
Dean didn’t respond, instead, he just moved his arms around himself to hug
himself. He wanted desperately to get off the bed and move away. He wanted to
go run and find Sam to find out what to do. But he couldn’t, doing so would
mean he would be disobeying. Dean didn’t know if it would be better to disobey
or if it would be better let Bobby do whatever it was he wanted to do without
Sam’s permission.
Dean knew there were very few things he was good for. Well, he knew there was
only one thing he was good for in a bed and that was sex. It confused Dean why
Bobby would be here now if he wanted that. Bobby had seemed so angry about his
sexual history earlier in the day and had upset Sam with it. Part of Dean
wondered if Bobby was here to make a point to Sam. Maybe Bobby was here to
prove to Sam that he was nothing more than those names he called him. Maybe he
was just a slave and a sex toy. Dean heard himself whimper. He didn’t want to
be those things.
Dean could feel his heart pounding out of his chest and his fear building. He
did the only thing he knew how to do in this situation. Dean felt his mind go
blank and he went to the safe place inside his mind of emptiness. Anything that
happened to him outside his mind was distant and he couldn’t really feel it.
Here, in his mind, he was safe. Dean knew he could wait here until Sam came
back until Sam called him.
++
Sam came in the house from helping a scrap dealer out in the salvage yard. The
dealer was a regular that he remembered from his childhood. It was nice getting
to reconnect with him and they spent a lot more time talking about life events
than scrap metal. But Sam didn’t mind, it was a pleasant talk.
He was in a good mood as he strolled upstairs looking for Bobby and Dean. Sam
froze in the doorway of the room he shared with Dean. His brother was laying
limp on the bed. Dean’s eyes were parted open and looked glassy. He had dried
tear tracks on his face. His arms were loosely covering his abdomen. Sam knew
instantly that Dean had checked out.
Sam saw that Bobby was sitting on the side of the bed speaking gently to Dean.
He knew Bobby was trying to comfort Dean but just by judging the situation Sam
guessed it had the opposite effect. Sam didn’t know what was bothering Dean. He
watched as Bobby sighed and patted Dean on the shoulder. Dean was completely
unresponsive to the touch.
From the doorway, Sam cleared his throat and asked as calmly as he could. “What
is going on?” He wanted to yell at Bobby to get out of the room because he was
scaring his omega. But he didn’t. Sam knew he had to get a handle on his
disagreements with Bobby for Dean’s sake.
Bobby glanced back at Sam while he rubbed Dean’s shoulder. His voice had a
sadness in it that Sam wasn’t sure he had ever heard before, “Dean was awake
when I peaked in to check on him. He wouldn’t get up or answer me then he
started panicking. Now, he is just like this. I’m not sure how to get him out
of it.”
Sam slowly entered the room. He was torn on what to do. He didn’t know whether
to focus his attention on Bobby or Dean. Sam mulled it over as he approached
and decided that Dean was more important. He could talk to Bobby later easily
enough. In as neutral as voice as possible Sam said, “Bobby would you mind
leaving me alone with Dean? I think that will help him.”
Sam noticed that Dean tensed with his words and his eyes flickered momentarily
before going glassy again. Bobby glared at Sam with the suggestion. He replied
gruffly, “Sam, he needs to be able to work through things without you. Just let
me handle this. Why don’t you go start dinner or something?”
Sam closed his eyes and wondered why he couldn’t just have a simple life. He
didn’t ask for any of this. Sam knew that if he turned and walked out of the
room, Dean would think Sam was abandoning him. Then he would have to face
Dean’s terror on being euthanized or sent back to the shelter again. He
couldn’t do that to Dean. Sam knew he couldn’t let Dean sit around and torture
himself like that.
Sam took a deep breath as he opened his eyes and decided to go for the most
pointed method of getting across to Bobby. He replied firmly, “No, I am not
leaving my omega. I would appreciate it if you would leave me alone to handle
him.”
Bobby turned to face Sam. He tried to stay calm but he wanted Dean to work
through this without Sam. He thought it was an important step, “Sam, what are
you going to do that I can’t?”
Sam quirked an eyebrow at Bobby and replied dryly, “I’m his alpha. You’re not.
He will listen to me.” Sam paused and saw that Bobby was about to protest so he
told Bobby what was mostly likely happening in Dean’s mind right now, “Dean has
checked out. He told me he did this when John would sell him to other alphas.
He probably thinks you are going to rape him or hurt him.”
Bobby stood and walked over to Sam. He asked bluntly, “Is this what he does
with you when you have your hands all over him?”
Sam took a deep breath as not to provoke this argument any further. He replied
simply, “No, he doesn’t. We stop when he feels himself slipping. I have never
seen it this bad. Please, Bobby just go so I can take care of this. We will
come down and make dinner later.”
Bobby sighed in discontent and left the room. Sam knew there would be a further
discussion about this later but right now he knew he had to focus on Dean. Sam
made his way over to the bed and he slipped in next to Dean. He curled his arms
around Dean’s limp body. It made Sam sad to see Dean so docile. He didn’t want
Dean to be like this.
Sam pulled the mouth guard out of Dean’s mouth and whispered to Dean, “Hey, are
you okay?”
It broke Sam heart when he heard a distant, “Yes, Alpha.”
Sam gave a gentle squeeze to one of Dean’s arms and said softly, “Dean, can you
open your eyes and look at me?”
He waited as Dean slowly opened his eyes and cast his gaze upwards. Dean made
brief eye contact before breaking it. Sam gently ran a hand along Dean’s face
and through his hair. He kept his voice gentle and asked, “Can you tell me what
happened?”
Sam watched as Dean closed his eyes and tears fell down his face. He stayed
silent as Dean started to sob and held on to him. Sam didn’t mind. It just made
him feel so sad. He didn’t want Dean to have to feel whatever it was he was
feeling inside. He wished he could just have a magic button and make it all go
away. But he knew he couldn’t.
Finally, after several minutes past Dean choked out, “Bad omega.”
Sam held on a little tighter to Dean and whispered, “Dean, you’re the best
omega and you’re one of the best people I know. What makes you think you were
bad?”
Sam had no choice but to listen to Dean cry in his arms. He could see Bobby
standing off in the doorway watching. If it wasn’t for how utterly broken Dean
was Sam knew he would feel smug in being able to get Dean to talk and respond.
Another ten minutes past before Dean replied. His voice was barely a whisper,
“Bobby wanted me to get up and talk to him, but I didn’t have permission. Then
he touched me because I didn’t obey him.” Dean broke down into incoherent
sobbing with the occasional words, “bad omega”, spitting out.
Sam shot Bobby a glare of anger. He knew Bobby would not touch Dean in a sexual
way but Sam also knew it was probably difficult for Dean to tell the difference
between a friendly touch and a sexual touch. Sam continued to hold Dean as he
soothed, “Shh.. it’s okay. None of it is your fault. You’re not a bad omega.
You’re a good omega.”
When Sam felt Dean start to calm down he asked carefully, “Dean, you’re not in
trouble. But I want to know how Bobby touched you.”
Sam felt Dean shudder and say weakly, “He touched my chest, my arm, my face,
and my hair. You.. You like to touch me in all of those places… I..I didn’t
like it. It made me feel dirty.”
Sam looked up and saw Bobby heard that but was remaining silent. He was
thankful Bobby was choosing to keep his mouth shut. Sam leaned down and kissed
Dean on the top of the head, “You’re not dirty, Dean. When Bobby touched you, I
don’t think his meaning was the same as when I touch you.” Sam paused as he
felt Dean shift and bury his head in his chest. Sam carefully started rubbing
circles on Dean’s back before continuing. “Dean, you always have permission to
talk to Bobby. If someone is doing something to you that makes you
uncomfortable. You can tell them to stop, always. Even if that person is me.”
Sam heard a muffled, “Wanted Alpha.”
Sam nodded and ran a hand through Dean’s hair, “I know, Dean. I am sorry I
wasn’t here.”
***** An Old Friend Brings a Good Idea *****
Sam and Bobby spent the rest of the evening sidestepping each other. Dean was
nonverbal in front of Bobby and Sam had no idea how to fix that. He knew he
could order Dean to talk, but he doubted that would really be helping Dean.
The next day, Dean was relatively the same. He was still avoiding eye contact
and not speaking unless Sam directly asked him a question. Sam didn’t know how
to get past this. It was like Dean was scared of Bobby now and that was the
last thing he wanted. Sam knew that he and Bobby had their differences but deep
down they both wanted the same thing. They both wanted Dean to get better.
Around midmorning, Sam was in the living room reading a book about the beliefs
of humans before the plague. He had always found the idea of a Heaven and a
Hell interesting. Bobby had an extensive collection on that literature. Dean
was sitting on the floor with his head leaned up against Sam’s knee. Sam would
have preferred Dean to be sitting next to him on the sofa, but he gave Dean the
choice and he chose the floor.
Sam heard a knock on the front door so he closed his book. He got up and walked
over to the door and opened it. Sam was greeted with the warm and smiling face
of one of his high school buddies, Gabriel. Sam stepped back so Gabriel, an
alpha, could enter. 
Gabriel looked around the room and clapped Sam on the shoulder. His voice was
cheerful, “Sam, how have you been? My brother, Michael, said he saw you around
town with an omega… You dog you! I thought you would be the last person to get
an omega.” Gabriel gave Sam a friendly punch on the shoulder and grinned, as he
waited for a response.
Sam sighed and shook his head. He scanned the room for Dean and found that Dean
was cowering in the corner. Dean had his head lowered as far as it could go and
he was using his arms to attempt to hide his face. Sam directed his attention
to Dean first. His voice was firm, “Dean, it is okay. This is Gabriel, one of
my friends from high school. He won’t hurt you. I promise.” Sam turned back to
Gabriel and was lacking energy, “Gabe, this is the big brother, Dean.”
Gabriel shot Sam a curious look and stepped in further to the room to look at
Dean. His playful nature was subdued with concern, “Sam, what the hell happened
to him? I mean I work the magic show circuit and I have seen this sort of thing
happen to plenty of omegas so I know how it happens. It’s just.. I don’t know
man. This is your brother. What happened?”
Sam looked at Dean with sympathy and said simply, “My dad. Trust me when I say
you don’t want to know the things he did to Dean.” With bitterness, Sam added,
“Oh and my dad stopped by last week. He killed two cops and I am pretty sure he
would have killed us if Bobby didn’t stop him.”
Gabe shrugged and grinned, “So on a lighter note, how is your crazy uncle?”
Sam laughed, “Bobby is doing good. The salvage business has really been picking
up and he got some more of those old books that he loves.”
Gabe rolled his eyes, “You mean the ones written about all the different
monsters Eve supposedly created?”
Sam grinned and said with happiness as his energy level picked up, “Yeah those
and he recently got a bunch on the beliefs before the plague. Did you know they
thought Purgatory was a bad place? They thought it was a place where Eve’s
children go to pay for the sins.”
Gabe shook his head and asked solemnly, “What do you think happens really in
Purgatory? I mean, we are both alphas and we had a lot of things just given to
us because of that. But the omegas, they get treated terribly. Do you think Eve
evens everything out or do you think everything there is going to be like
here?”
Sam shrugged and said, “I don’t know but I trust Eve.”
Gabe walked past Sam and closer to Dean. He watched Dean shudder and curl
himself into the corner of the room more as he neared. Gabe looked back at Sam
and asked carefully, “So what made you decide to name your omega Dean?”
Sam gave Gabe a look of confusion, “Umm, his name has always been Dean. My dad
let my mother name him and me… She was an omega.”
Gabe looked back at Sam and gave him an impressed look, “Huh, that’s different.
Are you going to breed with him or what are you going to do with him?”
Sam shook his head and said sadly, “Dean can’t get pregnant. I want Dean to be
happy so I guess my job is to figure out what makes happy.”
Gabe grinned at Sam and stepped away from Dean. He chuckled when he said,
“Sammich, it appears you suck at making him happy. I would invite both of you
over to dinner, but my family rivals the dysfunction of yours. Oh my little
brother, Castiel, is working at the omega rights center. You may want to go
down and see him. He organized a little social thing where the omegas all get-
together and talk or something.”
Sam quirked an eyebrow, “Oh?”
Gabe shrugged, “Yeah, Castiel is something of a rebel. He doesn’t like alphas
to be at the omega social thing. I am going to guess and say you have a problem
with that.”
Sam laughed, “Yeah, I do.”
Gabe turned and grinned when Bobby walked in the living room. He was covered in
grease from working out in the salvage yard. Gabe threw out his hand to shake
Bobby’s hand, “Mr. Singer, it has been a long time. How have you been? I just
stopped by to catch up with your nephew.”
Bobby shook Gabe’s hand and said with little enthusiasm, “Good, the yard has
been busy and it has been great having the boys here. I think I am going to
need to hire a mechanic to help me out since Sam here isn’t very good at that
stuff.”
Gabe looked between Bobby and Dean for a couple moments. Dean had not looked up
from the corner. Gabe controlled his upbeat nature to ask carefully, “What
about Dean? Can’t you teach him? I know it is impossible to teach Sam new
tricks.”
Bobby looked at Dean and Sam could swear he had a sour look on his face. He
said flatly, “He won’t leave the house without Sam.”
Gabe laughed and put his hands on his knees as he laughed. It was just a funny
concept to him for someone to trust Sam. After he got control of his laughter
he said, “Then put a book in Sam’s hand and make him go out there with Dean.”
Sam was staring wide eyed at Gabe’s suggestion. Despite the humor Gabe found in
the whole situation, it was a really good idea. Sam looked back to Bobby and
said calmly, “I don’t know. What do you think Bobby?”
Bobby quirked an eyebrow at Sam. He was a little put off by Sam’s class clown
suggesting something that might actually work to get Dean exploring a little
more and he knew Dean liked working out in the yard. He knew it wouldn’t
exactly be exploring because Sam would be with him. But it would give Dean
something to do besides repetitively clean the house.
Finally, Bobby nodded and said, “I think that is a good idea.”
+++
That afternoon, Sam sat outside in the shade and watched Dean rebuild a
transmission on a car that was dropped off earlier in the week. Bobby thought
the car would be easy to resell once it was up and running. They also had
enough similar cars to get parts off of without a problem.
Sam was bored by the work. He had never taken an interest in it and he
remembered glazing over when Bobby tried to teach him in the past. Sam noted
that Dean was different. Dean seemed to be at ease working on the car. He was
still timid whenever anyone got near him but there was something in Dean’s eyes
that made it worth it to Sam. He knew he could deal with being bored for Dean.
When Dean got to a stopping point that evening, Sam asked carefully, “Dean,
where did you learn how to do that? I mean Bobby didn’t have to direct you at
all.”
Dean looked over to Sam and made brief eye contact before breaking it. He
sounded apologetic when he spoke. “I’m sorry, Alpha. I know I was supposed to
take care of you when we were kids. But when Dad left us with Bobby and you
were at school, Bobby taught me how to work on cars. I am sorry, Alpha. Please
forgive me.”
Sam stood and walked over to Dean. He pulled Dean into a hug and whispered in
his ear, “You have nothing to be sorry for. You’re a good omega. I’m proud of
you.”
Dean held on to Sam hoping he could believe Sam’s words. He didn’t know what to
make of everything. He enjoyed getting out and tinkering with things but he
could tell Sam didn’t like it. Dean didn’t know why Sam tolerated it. He didn’t
know why Sam tolerated any of it.
++
Dean took a shower after coming in from the yard and now he was laying down
with the heating pad on the sides of his face again. Sam still hadn’t explained
this to him. He did explain the thing in his mouth. Apparently, it is just a
dental guard to keep him from grinding his teeth together and putting pressure
on his jaw while he slept. He was relieved when Sam said he could take it out
when he woke up or if it started to hurt when he was trying to sleep.
Dean feared that its purpose was to keep him silent. Sam assured him that was
not the case, but he still had his doubts. He was also a little scared about
being away from Sam after last night. He didn’t want to tell Sam that. He
thought it would upset Sam. Dean just didn’t like other people touching him and
he was afraid of Bobby hurting him.
Dean didn’t think that Bobby liked Sam being his alpha and he thought Bobby
wanted to take him away from Sam. He didn’t want that. Dean wasn’t naive to the
ways of the world. He knew Sam was the best alpha he could ever hope for. He
knew that if it wasn’t for Sam, he would be locked away in the shelter or dead.
Dean didn’t think Bobby understood that.
Dean was pulled from his thoughts when he felt Sam moving the heating pad away
from his face. He looked up at Sam and he saw the concentration on his
brother’s face. Dean reached up a tentative hand and brushed it along Sam’s
cheek. Despite Sam never lashing out at him, Dean still knew that an omega
reaching out to touch their alpha was risky. Sam pulled away from the heating
pad and smiled at the touch. Then he leaned down and kissed Dean softly on the
lips. Then he added another kiss the forehead.
Sam leaned back and ran his fingers through Dean’s hair. He smiled when he
said, “Dinner is almost ready. Do you want to come downstairs and help me set
the table?”
Dean nodded then added, “Yes, Sam.”
++
Dinner was eaten in silence. Dean didn’t look up from his plate. He noticed
that Sam and Bobby still weren’t talking. It made him nervous. He didn’t like
it when they fought. Dean knew he was of less value than an animal so it was
only a matter of time before they got rid of him.
As everyone finished eating, Dean looked around at everyone’s plates. Sam had
made him eat vegetables which he hated. He never told Sam that he hated
vegetables. He just ate them without complaining. Dean was still trying to
avoid upsetting Sam.
Dean was jarred from his thoughts when he heard Sam speak. Sam sounded tired,
“We need to talk.” Dean dared to look up at Sam and he saw that his brother was
stressed. Sam looked like he was fighting off anger and exhaustion. Dean
whimpered at the sight because he thought for sure tonight was going to be the
night Sam beat him.
Dean heard Sam sigh and asked gently, “Dean, you know we aren’t going to sell
you, kill you, or hurt you. Right?”
Dean bit his lip and nodded. He spoke in a monotone voice, “Yes, Alpha.”
Bobby grumbled, “Great job getting through to him Sam.” Bobby paused and turned
his attention to Dean, “Dean, is there anything we can do to make you more
comfortable? You walk around here like you’re terrified most of the time and
you hardly talk.”
Dean didn’t reply. He just kept his head down. He didn’t want to upset Sam by
speaking without permission.
After a minute of silence Sam said firmly, “Dean, I told you that you can talk
to Bobby. Please tell us what is going on.”
Dean shook his head and he felt tears fall from his eyes. He hated being so
broken. Softly he said, “I am sorry, Sam… and Bobby. I will try to do better.”
He paused and chewed on his lip for a moment, “It would help me if I knew how
to please you.”
Sam moved his hand over to Dean’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. His voice
was soothing, “Dean, you please us by being yourself. But if you’re scared or
if one of us is doing something to scare you, I want you to tell us.”
Dean nodded but Sam wasn’t sure if he understood. Sam shot a look to Bobby in a
silent plea asking him what to do.
Bobby rubbed his hands over his face and said calmly, “Dean, last night when
you weren’t answering me and then you got upset. I tried to comfort you by
rubbing your arm to reassure you. You didn’t take it the way I intended and it
hurt you. I need you to tell me when something like that happens. I am sorry
for walking in that room last night and I am especially sorry for touching
you.”
Dean didn’t respond. He didn’t know what to say to that. He was an omega so it
wasn’t like he could ask for privacy or not to be touched. Dean knew his alpha
controlled all of that, not him.
Sam watched Dean for a couple moments. He kept his voice gentle and reassuring,
“Bobby and I talked and he is going to stay out of our room. If you are in
distress, he is going to go get me from now on. If you want to be alone, you
can go there. I am the only person you should see in that room.” Sam paused,
“Now, you are going to be working out in the salvage yard because you seem to
like that. If you ever get separated from me, I want you to know that no one
can touch you. If someone tries, I don’t care if they are an alpha, I want you
to tell them to stop and yell out for us.”
Dean nodded and shivered at the idea of losing Sam in the salvage yard. He had
kept Sam within eyeshot all afternoon which wasn’t hard because Sam was never
more than 10 feet away.
Sam gave a weak smile and squeezed Dean’s hand, “Good, we should get the dishes
cleaned up from dinner since Bobby cooked. Then we should get to bed. You have
an appointment with Dr. Gaines tomorrow morning.”
***** The Fear of Being Taken *****
Dean was starting to wonder why Sam was putting so much effort into him. The
day started off with going to see Dr. Gaines, where he tried to get Dean to
talk for an hour. Dean didn’t want to talk about anything. What was there to
really say? He knew he was a burden to Sam and to Bobby. He didn’t know how to
act around them, especially Bobby and he was always waiting for the day Sam
punished him.
He thought it would be silly to say to another alpha that he was afraid of his
alpha punishing him. Dean knew he should be afraid of Sam punishing him. If he
wasn’t than punishment wouldn’t be a very good deterrent. Dean remained mostly
quiet during his counseling session and Sam never ordered him to talk or
answered for him.  Dean just leaned his head on Sam’s knee and enjoyed Sam
lightly petting his hair.
Because of his silence, Dr. Gaines talked about different things after long
pauses. He listened to the doctor talk at length about recovering from abuse
and other nameless patients he had in the past. Nothing he said really stuck
out to Dean. Dean didn’t know what Sam was hoping to accomplish by this. Dean
knew he was broken and he didn’t understand how talking about it to an alpha
would help. Alphas were always the ones that hurt him.
Dean thought about talking to Sam about how he didn’t want to talk to Dr.
Gaines about anything. He would much rather just talk to Sam about it when he
felt comfortable. Dean knew Sam couldn’t do anything to make it better or turn
back time so it never happened. But he knew Sam would listen and he hoped Sam
wouldn’t judge him. Dean knew that some of the things he didn’t like and ended
up just having to accept were nothing more than just a standard part of being
an omega.
Dean was currently working out in the salvage yard. Sam was nearby but he was
talking to a customer. The customer was an alpha and it made Dean nervous. He
wanted to follow Sam and hang on to him with another alpha so near but he
restrained himself. He didn’t want to get punished for being clingy. Instead,
Dean just tried to concentrate on the task at hand which was fixing a manual
window on a car.
He was checking the roll on the window when he heard a voice off to his side.
Dean looked up and quickly lowered his gaze. It was the alpha Sam was talking
too. Dean didn’t see Sam and he realized the alpha was talking to him.
The alpha’s voice was kind, but Dean knew better than to trust it. “Hey, how
are you?”
Dean didn’t reply. He knew better than to talk to alphas or anyone without
Sam’s permission.
The alpha spoke again. This time, his voice had an edge of creepiness to it,
“Did your owner leave you out here all alone? You poor thing.”
Dean didn’t reply. He looked the other direction away from the alpha. He was
looking for either Sam or Bobby. He didn’t care which at the moment. Dean
sighed in relief when he saw Bobby. He stood up and took a couple steps towards
Bobby who was about 50 feet away when a strong arm grabbed him. Dean knew
without looking it was the alpha and not Sam.
Dean yelled out, “Bobby! Sam!”
Bobby turned and ran over towards Dean as the alpha pulled him. Dean struggled
because Sam had told him to struggle. Dean heard Bobby’s voice with a coldness
he had never heard before, “Get your hands off of him.”
Dean fell to the ground as the alpha shoved him down. He felt his hands scraped
against the ground. He looked up at Bobby who was staring intently at the alpha
with what Dean could only describe as hate in his eyes. Dean picked up his
hands and looked at them. He had skinned the palms of his hands in his fall. He
wouldn’t call it a bad injury but he knew it would be enough to upset Sam.
Dean whimpered and then he felt Bobby grabbing him by the arm. He let Bobby
pull him up off the ground and then he was pushed behind Bobby. Dean kept his
head down and tried to keep his fear under wraps. He knew this was one of the
dangers of being an omega. Alphas would sometimes try to take what wasn’t
theirs and he knew that he was a target for kidnapping because he was a male
omega.
Dean knew that the alpha probably wanted him for breeding. Out of all the
times, he was almost kidnapped in his life that was the reason every single
time. He always wondered how long he would actually live after being kidnapped
because he couldn’t breed. He remembered that his father once shot and killed
an alpha that tried to take him.
Sam heard some commotion. He had lost the alpha he was showing around the
salvage yard as they looked for starters for a 1999 Ford. He rushed over to
where he heard the commotion and saw Dean cowering behind Bobby and the alpha
he was showing around.
Sam listened as the alpha said harshly, “You have that omega out here working
when he should be breeding. I can make better use of him than you or your son
ever could.”
Sam walked up behind Dean and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. He felt Dean
curl into him and then he felt Dean’s hands grasp onto him. Sam knew he was
afraid. He couldn’t really blame Dean for that. What this alpha was wanting to
do to Dean scared him too. Sam kissed Dean on the top of the head lightly. He
saw how the alpha’s nostrils flared with the gesture.
Sam smelled Dean’s scent for a moment to see if he was in heat. He could tell
he wasn’t but he did smell very fertile like he was nearing his heat. Sam made
a mental note to call Dr. Richardson and make sure that wasn’t anything to be
concerned about. Sam wasn’t sure how the medication to suppress Dean’s heat
would affect his scents.
Sam held on to Dean and gave him time to calm down before addressing the alpha.
He whispered to Dean, “You’re a good omega. I’m not mad at you.” Then Sam
lifted his head and glared at the alpha. He had anger in his voice when he
spoke, “Were you trying to take my omega from me?”
The alpha crossed his arms and stood up a little straighter. His voice was just
as stern, “Yes, because he needs an alpha that will actually use him for what
he is intended.”
Sam squeezed Dean a little tighter when he heard Dean whimper with the words
the alpha spoke. Sam took a deep breath and let go of Dean. He moved in front
of Dean and walked over to the alpha. Then Sam raised up his fist and punched
the alpha in the face. The alpha did try to block Sam but Sam caught his arm
with his other hand.
After Sam hit him, Sam stepped back and glared at the man. He coldly said, “Get
out of here. I don’t want to see you around here again.”
The alpha stumbled away and Sam walked back over to Dean. He wrapped his arms
around his trembling brother. Sam led Dean into the house and sat Dean down on
one of the chairs in the dining room. He poured a glass of water and handed it
to his brother. That was when Sam saw the scuffing on Dean’s hands.
Sam waited to look until Dean was finished drinking. His trembling didn’t stop
the whole time. Sam took the empty glass and then he sat down next to Dean. He
picked up one of the palms of Dean’s hands and looked at. He gave it a gentle
kiss. Then he got up to get a wash cloth to clean up Dean’s hands.
+++
Dean was uncertain when Sam said they were going to the omega rights center
that afternoon. He wondered why. He knew that sometimes they kept unwanted
omegas. Alphas sometimes dropped the unwanted omegas off there instead of
taking them to a shelter. Dean wondered if Sam was going to get rid of him.
Dean followed Sam into the rights center. Where they were greeted by a dark
haired and blue eyed alpha. Dean could tell just by listening to the man’s
voice he was a little socially awkward. “Sam! How are you? Gabe told me you
might stop by.”
Dean watched Sam shake the man’s hand and he heard Sam say, “I am doing okay.
Dean isn’t having the best day, but I still wanted to stop by and maybe make
his day a little better.”
Dean glanced up at the man briefly before looking back down at the ground. The
man was younger than Sam, but not by much. Then Dean heard the man speak again,
“You must be Dean. My name is Castiel, but everyone calls me Cas. My big
brother went to school with Sam.”
Dean didn’t reply or look up. He heard Sam give a sigh and said softly, “Dean,
it is okay to talk to Cas. He won’t hurt you.” Dean nodded to show he
understood but still didn’t say anything. Sam gently rubbed up and down his arm
for a couple moments before talking to Cas. “Sorry, sometimes Dean doesn’t like
to talk.”
Cas smiled and said in a mellow voice, “It’s not a problem. Let me show you
around the center. We have a literacy class and a life skills class going on
right now. When Dean feels comfortable, he can join some classes.”
Sam nodded and continued to walk with Cas. They peaked into a classroom filled
with omegas who were sitting at desks listening to someone go over basic words
with them. The teacher was an omega. That surprised Sam. He knew it shouldn’t
surprise him, but it did.
Cas showed them the rec room and their current campaigns. Then he made his way
to an information table. His tone was friendly, “So do you think Dean will be
coming back? I am sure he would love to learn how to read.”
Dean mumbled behind Sam, “I know how to read.”
Sam smiled and said calmly, “Dean used to help me with my homework before we
got separated. He knows how to read and do the math. He can cook, clean, and
work on cars. I just have to figure out a way for Dean to work out in the
salvage yard without having to worry about someone trying to take him again.”
Cas gave Sam a confused look. He clarified, “Someone tried to take Dean off
your uncle’s property?”
Bitterly Sam replied, “Yes, it was an alpha. The man wanted to rape Dean or
something. I think it is terrible that sort of behavior is acceptable in our
society.”
Cas rolled his eyes and said, “Many alphas are fools. Dean will be safe here.
We have never had an incident.” Cas paused and said carefully, “You know, they
can tell by Dean’s scent that you haven’t mated with him and he is coming up on
his heat. I am not saying you should or that you have to but I think that could
have something to do with the problem.”
Dean looked up at Sam cautiously, when Cas said that he would be safe here he
had thought that Sam was abandoning him. The last bit about mating confused
him. Sam stopped him during the last time they tried to have sex and the one
time he was in a heat with Sam, he didn’t do any unnecessary touching. He
didn’t even think Sam was interested in him or aroused when he was in heat.
Dean saw in Sam’s eyes sadness. Then Dean felt like the worst omega in the
world with what Sam said next even if Sam’s voice had no judgment in it.
“Whether or not I knot Dean is up to him. I am fine with it as long as I am not
hurting him. If it causes him pain then it is not going to happen.”
Cas cringed a little, “Sex outside of heat and sometimes during heat with alpha
can be uncomfortable. There may be some pain involved. I’ve never had an omega
so that is just what I heard from other omegas.”
Dean whimpered and reached out a hand and grabbed on to Sam. He knew he
shouldn’t touch Sam without asking, but he just felt so insecure and Sam had
never gotten upset about it before. Sam didn’t get upset about it this time
either. He just maneuvered Dean so he had his arms wrapped around him, as he
continued his conversation with Cas.
++
The drive home was quiet. The sun was setting and Dean vaguely remembered
watching the stars with Sam sometimes as kids. He knew it would be night soon
but he can’t remember the last time he got to be outside at night. Dean knew he
hadn’t felt safe outside in a long time, not since before his first heat. He
knew Sam would never understand that. It was just that sometimes, Dean wished
he could go outside and not have to worry about someone taking him or hurting
him.
Dean was becoming increasing aware that Sam would protect him and was going out
of his way to try to make Dean better. That just makes Dean feel guilty because
he knows he is broken beyond repair.
Dean was pulled from his thoughts when he hears Sam’s voice. He sounded
concerned, “Does it hurt?”
Dean glanced over at Sam and he can see Sam is concerned about something, but
he isn’t sure what it is. Quietly he says, “Sam, I am sorry but I don’t know
what it is. I am not currently in any pain.”
Sam gave Dean a sympathetic smile and said, “When you’re knotted. Does it
hurt?”
Dean remains silent. He knows the correct answer is yes but he also knows there
is more to it than that. When he was with his father it would happen multiple
times a day every day. He was also beaten throughout the process. Finally, Dean
says, “It’s complicated, Sammy.”
Dean knew that was quite possibly the most defiant thing he had said to Sam.
But Sam doesn’t get angry. He just frowns. Then he says calmly, “Can you
explain that to me?”
With that question, Dean wishes he had just said yes to be done with this
conversation. But he defied Sam and now he has to explain his personal
experience. Carefully Dean says in an effort not to upset Sam, “Heat itself is
painful. Especially when the alpha won’t let me… climax. But I don’t know what
knotting is like for a normal omega. I had sex multiple times a day with
different alphas when Dad owned me. They would hit me and so would Dad.”
Dean took a couple deep breaths before continuing. He couldn’t look at Sam. He
didn’t want to see the revolution on his face. “I was always sore and hurting,
even when I wasn’t being knotted. I mean, it hurt to pee and sometimes breathe.
I was always so hungry… Knotting didn’t really seem like the worst thing in my
life at the time.”
Sam reaches over as he drives and rubs a hand up and down Dean’s leg. Dean
glances at him. Dean sees the concerned look on his face. Dean was caught off
guard even more by Sam’s next question, “Would you trust me to knot you? Is
that something you would want?”
Dean stares at the dashboard while he tries to figure out why Sam would ask him
that. Then he realizes Sam is the most atypical alpha he had ever met. Dean
didn’t think Sam being different was a bad thing. It just meant he didn’t know
how to react or what to do.
Dean realizes that he must have stayed quiet longer than he intended when he
hears Sam say with kindness. “Dean, it is okay. We don’t have too. I do want
you to know that I would never hit you, even during sex… Especially during
sex.”
Dean stumbles for words, “Sorry Alpha. I.. I don’t understand why you are
asking me. I don’t have a choice in those things. I am your omega; you can do
with me as you please.”
Sam pulls the car over to the side of the road and Dean is fairly certain Sam
is going to hit him now. He flinches when Sam turns in the seat to face him.
Sam reaches out and lightly touches Dean’s face and runs his hand gently
through Dean’s hair. Dean likes the touch but he is still bracing himself for
the blows. Sam’s voice is sad, “Dean, I am giving you the choice. I’m your
alpha so I can give you choices if I want to and I want to give you this
choice. There is no wrong answer Dean. Please understand that, please.”
Dean looks up and he can see in Sam’s eyes that he is being sincere and honest.
It makes Dean’s heart beat a little faster in his chest. He whispers out, “I
want to, Alpha.”
***** Relax *****
Even though Dean agreed to sex, Sam was still hesitant. It wasn’t that Sam
didn’t want to per se he was just worried about hurting Dean. He didn’t want
Dean to check out during it and mostly he just wanted Dean to enjoy it.
So he hit the books or in this case the internet, he looked up how to make
knotting more comfortable for an omega. He saw plenty of videos of omegas
screaming and bleeding when they got knotted for the first time. That made Sam
think of Dean because he remembered Dean had said he bled the first time. Sam
wondered how many subsequent times Dean bled during a knotting. He decided not
to ask because that could be like asking Dean how many people he had sex with.
Sam had a gut feeling Dean wouldn’t know.
After shifting through the horrors of knotting, Sam found that getting the
omega to relax and stretching them slowly to accommodate was the best method.
It sounded simple, but Sam had no idea how to get Dean to relax. The internet
didn’t really offer anything reasonable on how to get an omega to relax. It
suggested hitting the omega as a distraction. It also said striking the omega
served to cement the omega’s place in the world.
Without knowing what else to do since the internet wasn’t providing any
reasonable options, Sam made some phone calls.  His first phone call was to
Jessica.
The phone rang twice and then he heard a cheerful voice, “Hey Sam! How is
everything?”
Sam sighed and said, “It’s complicated. Look, I don’t have a lot of time. Dean
will be out of the shower any minute. But I was wondering if you knew how to
get an omega to relax?”
Sam listened to Jessica hum as she thought for a few moments before she finally
said, “I don’t know. Maybe you could try doing whatever makes you relax.”
Sam thought about that for a few moments and then he heard the shower turn off.
Quickly he said, “Thanks, Jess. I will send you an email later getting you up
to speed on my life.”
Jessica replied happily, “Sure thing Sam. Take care of your brother.”
Sam was still at a loss on what to do to get Dean to relax. He decided he was
going to have to do some more thinking on this matter.
++
Sam was watching Dean work in the salvage yard, which he was starting not to
mind. He didn’t understand what Dean was doing when he worked on the cars and
he thought about asking, but he reframed himself. Sam knew he had very little
interest in working on cars and the last thing he wanted was for Dean to think
he found him uninteresting.
Sam turned his head when he heard Bobby approaching. Bobby looked tired and sat
down next to Sam. Bobby wiped the sweat off his face and asked calmly, “How are
you guys doing?”
Sam gave a lighthearted smile, “Good, I think we will be going in for a break
soon. I don’t want Dean to get dehydrated.”
Bobby nodded and said lightly, “Probably a good thing.”
Sam looked at Bobby carefully for a moment, “Can I ask you a question?”
Bobby nodded but didn’t say anything.
Sam took a deep breath, “I know that you said your wife was an omega… So how
did you get her to relax during. you know?”
Bobby stared at Sam and wondered if he had lost his mind. He thought Sam was
overthinking it. In his most reassuring and non-judgmental voice he could find
he said, “Sam, I am going to assume you’ve had sex before with either betas or
alphas. Omegas aren’t any different. Try what you did on them to get D..Dean to
relax.” He paused and added, “But please when you figure out what works with
Dean, do not tell me. I do not need that visual image.”
Sam chuckled and said, “No details, got it… Thanks, Bobby.”
++
That afternoon, Sam took Dean to the omega rights center. They had a time set
aside for the omegas to play board or card games together. Sam thought it would
be a good chance for Dean to get to know other omegas. It relieved Sam when he
got there and found out that the owners of the omegas visiting the center had
all named their omegas. In Sam’s opinion, having a name went a long way to
defining the self.
Dean was seated at a table with a female omega about his age. She had dark hair
but haunted eyes. Her name was Lisa and she had one son. She and her son were
being looked after by her beta sister after her alpha abandoned her. They were
playing a simple game of Go Fish. Sam was stunned by the simplistic nature of
the game they were playing but he didn’t say anything.
Sam was seated across the room from them, along with all the alphas and betas
who had an omega there. Sam never knew how to act around others who had an
omega, so he opened a book and began to read. He glanced up every now and then
to check on Dean. He noticed that Dean looked back his way after every move.
Sam was surprised when someone sat next to him. Then he heard Gabe’s cheerful
voice, “Hey Sam!” Gabe leaned in and his voice changed to a fake creepy when he
asked, “Would you like to play a game?”
Sam glared at Gabe for a moment before laughing, “Not with you, what are you
doing here?”
Gabe shrugged and said casually, “My citizen of the month brother has a fever.
So he asked me to come down here and work his shift.” He paused then whispered,
“The omega in charge of the kitchen told me to come down here and monitor the
games. I think she was getting upset because I was eating all the cookies.”
Sam looked at Gabe with confusion, “An omega ordered you around?”
Gabe shrugged and said seductively, “I think she likes me.. Maybe we could
start a new thing.”
Sam shook his head and murmured, “Gross.” Then he added, “But doesn’t she
already have an alpha or a beta?”
Gabe shook his head no and said cheerfully, “Nope, she lives here. A couple
dozen omegas live out back. They are all female omegas. You know, Dean’s type
is pretty rare.” Gabe stared at Dean as he added with mild amusement, “That has
to suck for him.”
Sam shifted in his seat and he gave Dean a reassuring smile. He mumbled to
Gabe, “Tell me about it.” Sam remained quiet for a couple moments as he
listened to the sound of Gabe tap his hands on his legs. Then Sam asked
carefully, “Gabe, I have a weird question. How do you get an omega to relax?”
Gabe shrugged and narrowed his gaze on Sam. He chuckled when he said, “Are you
asking me how to get Dean in the sack?”
Sam glared at Gabe but didn’t say anything.
Gabe just chuckled a little more and then he said dreamily, “Nice romantic
dinner with a long walk on the beach. Then the two of you can roll around in
the sand and make sweet grainy love.” Gabe paused as held out his hands to make
a mock picture frame of his vision. He looked back at Sam and laughed. Gabe
cleared his throat and became somewhat serious, “I don’t know, Sam. Dean is..
Dean is messed up. I think this is going to be trial and error.”
Sam nodded and said calmly, “That is what I am afraid of.”
Gabe tried to be reassuring, “Look, Sam, I can see he trusts you. He thinks
you’re going to beat him, but he still trusts you. Just give it time, I am sure
you can’t screw up enough for him to want a different alpha.”  He paused and
then added in a sneaky voice, “I want to know the details.. about everything.”
+++
Sam was nervous when he and Dean retired to their bedroom that evening. He had
them go up early because he wanted to try to have sex. Sam knew Dean was
looking at him odd. It made him wonder if Dean thought something was up.
Sam at a bottle of lotion on the nightstand and pulled the lube out of the
drawer as Dean sat down on the bed in front of him. He was tentative when he
leaned down and kissed Dean on the lips. Sam relaxed a little when Dean
returned the kiss. Carefully and without haste he snaked his tongue into Dean’s
mouth and he felt Dean suck on it briefly before releasing it.
Sam gently put a hand on the back of Dean’s neck as they continued to kiss as
his other hand slowly moved Dean’s shirt up his body. He pulled Dean’s shirt
off gently and with plenty of warning. He didn’t want to do anything to startle
Dean right now. Sam ran his hands over Dean’s chest for a few moments as he
enjoyed how it was getting harder to feel Dean’s ribs.
Then Sam moved down and started to undo the buckle on Dean’s pants. Dean
stilled briefly with Sam’s hands in the area. But Sam moved one hand back up to
Dean’s neck and kissed him as he maneuvered Dean’s pants down. Sam felt Dean
lifting his hips and using his hands to push his pants down in an effort to
help. He heard Dean’s feet flutter as he kicked off his pants.
Sam leaned Dean back on the bed as his hands roamed up and down Dean’s legs. He
hadn’t ever taken the time to appreciate Dean’s legs before. He liked the
feeling of Dean’s smooth skin against his hand and Dean shivered with the
touch. Sam drew back when Dean shivered to make sure he was still okay.
Dean’s eyes were dilated but he was still with it. Sam felt Dean reach up to a
hand and put it around his neck. Then Sam let Dean pull him in for a kiss. It
was the most passionate kiss Sam had ever received from Dean. As they kissed
Sam worked down Dean’s boxers and tossed them off the bed.
Sam leaned up and looked at Dean’s naked body. His brother’s skin was flush and
his cock was hard. Sam hoped he was right in thinking Dean was enjoying this.
Sam leaned down and kissed Dean softly behind his ear. He started kissing Dean
softly down his neck while gently moving his hands over Dean’s body.
After covering Dean’s neck in kisses, Sam moved down and kissed Dean on the
chest. Sam felt Dean cringe so he pulled off. Dean’s eyes were tightly closed
and his breathing was increasing. Sam ran a gentle hand over Dean’s face and
said gently, “Dean, look at me.”
Dean’s eyes shot open and Sam wasn’t sure what he saw in them. It was a mix of
lust and fear. Sam bent down and kissed Dean again, lightly on the lips. Then
he asked in a gentle voice, “Please, tell me what is wrong.”
Dean focused on Sam’s face for a moment before breaking eye contact. He
stuttered out, “I thought you were going to bite me.”
Sam leaned down and kissed Dean again. This time, Dean relaxed as Sam
whispered, “Never. I could never bite you. You’re too precious.” He continued
to kiss Dean for a few moments and in between each kiss Sam would whisper,
“precious”, “perfect omega”, “brilliant”, and “mine”.
Sam could feel Dean relax with the kisses then he leaned back and maneuvered
Dean onto his belly. He kissed the back of Dean’s neck briefly. Then he reached
up and grabbed the lotion off the nightstand he put a liberal amount on his
hands. Then Sam slowly placed his hands on Dean’s back and said softly, “Shh..
It’s okay, Dean. I am just going to rub your back.”
Sam gently kneaded Dean’s back and he felt the muscles start to loosen. Dean’s
back was still boney but the muscle was there and he had knots on his back. Sam
slowly worked them out while leaning down to kiss on Dean’s neck. Eventually,
Dean was relaxed enough for him to be able to lightly kiss his back as he
rubbed.
As Sam gently rubbed Dean’s lower back with a hand occasionally gliding over
Dean’s ass. He heard Dean moan. Sam chuckled silently as he leaned down to kiss
Dean again on his back. He felt Dean arch up to his hips with the kiss. Sam
moved a gentle hand down the side of Dean’s hip as the other one continued to
rub his back.
Sam reached up and grabbed the lube off the nightstand. He kissed down Dean’s
neck and back as he applied the lube to two of his fingers. With the non-
lubricated hand, Sam started gently rubbing the side of Dean’s back as he
kissed along Dean’s neck. With his other hand, he slowly parted Dean’s checks
and felt an area unknown to him.
It was already wet, which Sam figured was Dean’s natural slick. He felt out for
Dean’s hole and it was a little loose. Gently Sam put in one finger and he
heard Dean moan when it entered. He whispered to Dean, “Is this okay?’
Dean breathlessly said, “Yes, please Alpha.”
Sam took that as an indication that it was okay to keep going, so he slowly
worked his finger around stretching Dean. He knew he could probably fit 3
fingers in easily, but he wanted to take his time. He didn’t want to force
anything. When Sam felt that his hand was soaked in slick he added a second
finger, which based on the sounds Dean was making he liked. Sam pulled his
fingers apart gently inside Dean to stretch him a little more. Each time he did
that Dean moaned. That made Sam smile as he kissed any part of his brother he
could reach.
Slowly he added a third finger while he watched Dean’s reactions. Dean was
sweaty and moaning at this point. He wasn’t trying to say anything which Sam
figured was just part of how he was conditioned, but Sam could tell by Dean’s
eyes that he hadn’t checked out. Sam stretched the third finger inside of Dean
and rubbed Dean’s prostate. Dean shook and moaned with the touch. Sam was
careful not to overstimulate Dean.
Then when Sam thought Dean was ready he pulled up. He kissed Dean on the lips
before he stood to get undressed. Sam took off his clothes quickly and grabbed
hold of the lube. He put some on his cock and stroked it a couple times. He
knew Dean was probably wet enough for him not to need lube, but he didn’t want
to take any chances. Sam wanted this to be good for Dean.
Sam pulled Dean onto his side and Sam laid down behind him. He wrapped his arms
around Dean and nuzzled the back of Dean’s neck. He wanted to make sure Dean
had his scent. Then he slowly started to push in. Sam felt Dean push back on
his cock and Sam put a hand down on Dean’s hip to stop him. He didn’t want this
to go to quickly. This part wasn’t just for Dean’s benefit; he wanted to savor
this.
Slowly Sam made his way all the way in and he felt his knot forming. He dragged
himself in and out slowly and gently as his knot formed. Dean held onto Sam’s
arm and kissed Sam’s hands. Sam had never seen Dean offer affection so openly
and he liked it. When Sam’s knot became full, he gently pushed it inside and
Dean gasped.
Sam was a little startled by the gasp and hoped he didn’t hurt Dean. He felt
Dean’s muscles clamp down around him and he knew if he tried to pull out now.
He could hurt Dean. Sam slowly started to rock his hips getting movement inside
his brother without having to pull out. He could feel himself getting close.
Sam whispered into Dean’s ear. “Trust me.” Then Sam reached a hand down and
started stroking Dean’s cock. Dean went ridged with the first stroke but then
relaxed into it. Dean threw his head back on Sam’s shoulder as Sam continued to
rock his hips inside Dean. Sam whispered to Dean, “Are you going to come?”
Sam got an unintelligible “yes” from Dean. Sam watched as Dean’s body tightened
as he reached his climax. Dean’s muscles constricting around him along with the
warmth of Dean’s come on his hand was enough to set Sam over the edge. He felt
himself coming inside Dean and he was surprised when what felt like a second
orgasm hit Dean. He felt Dean go limp in his arms and breathing heavy.
Dean was still holding onto Sam as Sam pulled out of Dean gently. He didn’t
want to move too quickly and hurt Dean. Sam carefully pried his arm out of
Dean’s grasp and went to the bathroom to get a warm washcloth.
When he came back, Dean was laying on his back staring at the ceiling with an
odd look on his face. Sam could tell two things. One, Dean was tired and two,
Dean was thinking deeply about something. Sam smiled and kissed Dean on the
lips gently as he started to wipe the come and slick off Dean.  He was happy to
see that Dean relaxed into the touch and kisses.
After Dean was cleaned up, Sam tossed the washcloth on the floor. Then he got
back into bed and pulled Dean onto the other side of the bed where it wasn’t
wet with slick. He held Dean in his arms and asked quietly, “Was that okay?”
Sam listened to Dean take a couple deep breaths and then he finally said with a
tone of amazement, “It was better than okay. I’ve never felt anything like that
before.” Sam felt Dean shift in his arms so Dean could make eye contact with
Sam. He spoke with a curiosity, Sam had not heard from Dean before, “Is it
supposed to feel like that?”
Sam hummed for a moment as he thought. Finally, he said as he ran a hand
through Dean’s hair, “If that felt good then yes.”
Dean nodded and smiled before looking back down. He yawned and said passively,
“Thank you, Alpha… I think I need to change the sheets.”
***** Sheets *****
Chapter Summary
     This chapter includes graphic torture, be warned.
Sam didn’t let Dean out of his arms all night which felt nice to Dean, but he
still had a growing fear inside of him. He didn’t get up to change the sheets,
so they were both curled onto one side of the bed. He knew it was his fault the
sheets were soiled and he didn’t clean up his mess. Dean knew that Sam held him
instead of letting him clean up his mess.
But Dean knew alphas and he knew that just because changing the sheets was
beyond his control didn’t mean the alpha wouldn’t get angry. It made Dean tense
because he knew alphas liked a clean bed, which was one of the many reasons
omegas weren’t allowed on the bed.
Dean knew the one time he was with Sam when he was in heat. He changed the
sheets while Sam was in the bathroom. He figured that Sam was cleaning himself
up from any slick that may have gotten onto him. Dean remembered not being able
to understand why Sam didn’t want him on the floor. Despite it being new to
have a heat in front of Sam, it was the most comfortable couple days of heat he
had ever had. Dean knew Sam was the one responsible for that.
Dean knew Sam was also responsible for making him feel the way he did last
night. He never knew feeling like that was possible. He wondered why Sam was
paying so much attention to him and being so gentle. He wondered if Sam meant
the words he said to him. He wondered if he was really precious, brilliant, and
the perfect omega or if Sam was just saying those things to manipulate him.
He had other alphas in the past say nice things to him to get his guard down.
It usually happened when his father left him for another’s entertainment for a
couple days. Dean remembered once his guard was down, that was when the teasing
started and then the pain. Dean knew these alphas, the ones that manipulated
him, were the cruelest. He knew the things these men did to him paled in
comparison to the things his father did to him.
Dean knew Sam didn’t know about those times. He knew Sam was odd for an alpha
and Dean hoped that meant that he wasn’t being manipulated. With all the
kindness Sam had shown him, Dean knew if he was being manipulated the fallout
of that would be brutal. He didn’t know if he wanted to live through that.
More than anything Dean just hoped his world wouldn’t change for the worst
because of soiled sheets. Dean felt himself start to cry, still cradled in
Sam’s arms. He didn’t want to face the pain and punishment that was to come. He
had let his guard down around Sam and he knew that is what happens. That is
what always happens.
Dean felt Sam shift slightly in the bed and tighten his hold. Then he heard Sam
whisper sleepily in his ear, “Dean, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
He sniffled and knew he had to answer his alpha. Dean’s voice was weak, “You’re
going to punish me because I didn’t change the sheets.. a..and I let my guard
down. Please don’t hurt me, Sam.”
Sam for his part had no idea where this was coming from. Well, he had an idea
where it was coming from. He had no illusions about how Dean was treated and he
had no doubt that sometimes his father and the other alphas his father shared
Dean with may have hurt him for absolutely no reason. Sometimes, it was
exhausting to Sam to have to tell Dean over and over again that he wasn’t going
to punish him. He knew he had to keep saying it, no matter how exhausting he
found it. He knew if he didn’t Dean would get worse and he didn’t want that.
Gently Sam kissed Dean on the top of the head. Then he moved up a hand to
softly wipe away Dean’s tears. He kept his voice soft and quiet, “Dean, you’re
not in trouble. For you to change the sheets would have required me to get up
off the bed, which I didn’t.”
Sam felt Dean shake his head no and say with a shaky voice, “When you got up to
clean up. That was when I should have done it.” Then Dean started rambling,
“bad omega.”
Sam held onto Dean a little tighter, but not enough to hurt and his arms were
lax enough that if Dean wanted to pull away he could. He nuzzled Dean in
between his neck and his shoulder allowing his scent on his brother. He
whispered to Dean throughout his rambling, “perfect omega” and “good omega.”
Eventually, Dean started to calm down. He focused on Sam’s words. He wondered
if he was those things. He wondered how he could be those things. He wanted to
be perfect and good for Sam. He just didn’t know how to do that. Dean knew that
he should probably open up to Sam and tell him about some of the things the
other alphas did to him. He just didn’t know how to get the words out. It had
been a long time since he felt those memories and the feelings that went along
with them so close to the surface.
+++
Sam came down into the kitchen as Dean got the sheets into the wash. Sam didn’t
really care about when the sheets got into the wash, but Dean seemed to find it
important. Sam didn’t really understand why or why dirty sheets would get Dean
so upset. It was puzzling to Sam. He guessed it had something to do with John,
but he didn’t want to force any conversation that Dean wasn’t comfortable with.
Although, Sam was starting to wonder if maybe forcing the conversation to get
it off Dean’s chest and to reassure him maybe a better route.
Sam started to throw together a breakfast casserole as he thought about what to
do. He looked up when he heard Bobby saunter in and pour himself a cup of
coffee. He smiled at Bobby and said in a somewhat cheerful voice, “Hey Bobby.”
Bobby grunted and sat down. He yawned before saying, “Dean seems nervous this
morning and he asked for my sheets as soon as I got up. He even offered to make
my bed for me. The boy was fidgeting the whole time.” He paused as he stretched
a little, “Do you know what is wrong with him?”
Sam blushed slightly before looking at Bobby, “You told me you didn’t want to
know the details.”
Bobby sipped his coffee and eyed Sam for a moment. He said, probably a little
too sternly, “You better not be forcing yourself on Dean or forcing him to do
anything he doesn’t want to do… Got it?”
Sam rolled his eyes. He knew Bobby meant well and he knew Bobby would kill him
if he ever forced himself on Dean or anybody in general. Sam flatly said, “I
haven’t and I won’t. I am not a monster.”
Bobby sipped on his coffee as he watched Sam’s reaction. He was satisfied that
Sam was telling the truth. Finally, after convincing himself not to draw a
mental picture he said carefully, “Do you mind telling me what is going on with
Dean then?... Just keep the details to a minimum.”
Sam sighed and said sadly, “Honestly, I am not sure. After we.. umm.. you
know.. I held Dean as we went to sleep. Dean couldn’t get up to change the
sheets which set him off when he woke up. I don’t understand. I know the sheets
were gross but it’s not like he was disobeying me in any way. I tried to
reassure him that everything is fine, but..” Sam shook his head and said
weakly, “I wish he could just believe me but I know I haven’t earned that trust
yet.”
Bobby looked at how Sam was struggling. He knew Sam was scared and worried
about Dean. He couldn’t really blame Sam. It wasn’t easy helping Dean get
better, but Bobby knew Dean was better than when he first arrived. He knew
there would have been no way Dean would have asked Bobby for his sheets back
then. He knew Dean would have cowered away from him instead, so he knew Dean
was making progress. At times like these, he had to remind himself of that
progress.
Bobby got up and rubbed his hands over his face. He patted Sam lightly on the
shoulder and smiled. He said in a fatherly voice, “You should ask him, Sam. It
probably has to do with something John did to him.” Bobby paused to give Sam’s
shoulder a light squeeze, “But just remember, he is getting better and there
are going to be setbacks along the way.”
+++
Sam found Dean later on that afternoon curled up in the corner of their bedroom
looking lost. He walked over to Dean and saw the way Dean flinched away from
him. Sam tried not to let it show, how much that hurt.
Sam sat down on the floor next to Dean. He thought about holding Dean as Dean
started to tremble as he sat down. He slowly reached out a hand and brushed it
through Dean’s hair. Softly Sam asked, “Dean, why are you afraid of me?” A
large part of Sam did not want to know the answer to that question, but he knew
he had to ask.
Dean curled into himself a little more. He wanted the comfort Sam was offering
freely, but at the same time, he feared Sam’s rejection. He didn’t want to open
himself up to comfort only to have it taken away. Dean weakly said, “Alphas
hurt me.” He knew Sam had never hurt him but Sam was still an alpha.
Sam frowned at Dean and started to rub the back of Dean’s neck softly. He could
tell Dean was not opposed to the touch. Carefully he asked, “What have I done
to hurt you, Dean?” Sam could feel his heart beating in his chest with fear of
the answer. He feared Bobby was right and maybe he was just like all the rest.
He didn’t know what he would do if he was.
Dean shuddered at Sam’s words. He never meant for Sam to think he did anything
to hurt him. Dean knew that could get him punished. His voice was still weak,
“Nothing, Alpha.”
Sam was confused. He gently asked, “If I never hurt you then why are you afraid
I am going to hurt you? I know I am an alpha, Dean, but I am not like Dad.” Sam
shook his head, “Dad is the cruelest type of alpha.”
Dean closed his eyes as he felt a few tears fall down his face. He knew he had
to tell Sam. He leaned on Sam because he wanted the comfort before the pain or
the rejection. Dean felt Sam wrap his arms around him and Dean relaxed. He
could never understand the feeling of safety Sam provided, even if at times he
doubted it.
Quietly Dean spoke, “Alphas are always the ones who hurt me and Dad wasn’t the
worst. Dad killed other alphas before for trying to keep me or for being too
cruel.” Dean paused as he rubbed his face on Sam’s chest. He wanted to smell
Sam’s scent. It always grounded him and calmed him.
Sam kissed Dean on the top of his head and asked softly, “What was too cruel
for Dad? Does this have anything to do with why you were so upset about the
sheets?”
Dean tensed in Sam’s arms before letting out a slow breath as he looked for the
words. He could hear his voice shake as he spoke, “I’m an omega, Sam. I don’t
have any rights. The government doesn’t even think I have a name. I am of no
more importance to anyone than your car.. Probably less. You have no idea what
that feels like to be invisible to the world, for them to treat you like you
either don’t exist or you are the worst form of garbage they have ever seen.
“When we were growing up sometimes when I dreamed I dreamed I was you. I
dreamed that I got to go to school and have friends. That I got to have a name
and sleep on a bed. I dreamed that people were nice to me and we were all the
same. I never dreamed about being loved, though, because I knew that you loved
me.”
Sam interrupted Dean and said softly, “You’re right, I do love you. But I am
not the only one that loves and cares about you, Dean. Bobby loves you… in a
platonic way.”
Dean felt himself smile with Sam’s words. He knew that praise from Sam wasn’t
really the point of the story just more the groundwork. Dean continued speaking
in a quiet voice that cracked from time to time, “After Dad left you with
Bobby, sometimes when a hunt was too dangerous or when he was visiting his
girlfriend, he would leave me with another alpha. Some of them just sold me and
caged me when I wasn’t in use. That was easy to deal with. I could just escape
into my mind.
“But sometimes, they would be nice to me. They would let me shower or give me
clean water to drink. Sometimes, they nursed my wounds and gave me a blanket.
Sometimes, they called me by name. Then whenever I relaxed they would start to
hurt me. They would start by teasing me about being stupid and… and then they
would torture me…. I’m sorry, Sam.”
Sam hugged Dean a little tighter knowing full well this story was far from over
and the number of times something like this happened to Dean was questionable.
Sam had a feeling it was more than once, but he knew even one time could have
just as much effect on Dean’s belief system as 20 times. Sam whispered into
Dean’s hair, “Shh.. It is okay, Dean. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
Sam felt Dean start to sob in his arms and he knew he had hit a nerve. Through
Dean’s sobs, he made out Dean saying, “Dad killed them when he came back and it
is my fault they are dead.”
Sam held Dean tightly in his arms and then he said softly, “Dean, you had no
control in that situation. It can’t be your fault.”
As Dean’s sobs quieted he spoke weakly, “When they were torturing me, I hoped
they would just kill me. It.. It hurt so much. There aren’t words for the
things they did to me.”
Sam lightly kissed the top of Dean’s head again. He got the impression that
Dean wanted to tell him what the torture was but just couldn’t form the words.
So in a reassuring voice, Sam said, “Try to find the words, Dean.”
Dean reached up a hand to hold on to Sam. He felt himself going back to that
time in his life and the days he willed himself to forget. He started to recite
one the stories of his nightmares to Sam.
Dean was scared when he saw the look on the alpha’s face change. There were
three of them. They are all being kind to him but after he smiled, everything
changed. Dean heard the oldest one, about his father’s age, say, “Open your
mouth.”
Dean opened his mouth as told then he felt one of the other alphas come up
behind him and hold his mouth open. He knew not to struggle against the hold.
He kept his eyes down and didn’t look at what the alpha in front of him was
doing. Then he felt the alpha put his fingers in his mouth.
Dean felt something sharp poke his tongue and he jerked at the pain even though
he didn’t really intend to disobey like that. The pain was intense and Dean
quickly realized the alpha was sewing his tongue to the tough skin of his gums
on the top of the mouth. Dean felt his eyes water as the sewing continued.
Once his tongue was secured, he felt the alpha behind him close his mouth. Then
the alpha with the needle and thread sewed his mouth shut. The stitches were
close together, so close Dean knew he could neither drink nor eat. He was
scared and he could feel himself start to panic.
As he felt the panic set in he felt a sharp pain in his leg that radiated
through his body. Dean knew it was electricity and after a couple more pokes he
looked down and saw the cattle prod. He made eye contact the alpha holding the
cattle prod. He saw pure amusement on his face. Dean didn’t know how he felt
about that and it wasn’t helping him panic any less.
Then Dean felt a piece of fabric go over one of his eyes and the sewing began
again. The alpha slowly sewed the fabric to his face covering his eye. Then the
alpha covered and sewed the other eye. In the darkness and muted Dean felt a
fear a he had never felt before.
Dean felt them turn his head to the side. He closed his eyes behind his
darkened mask as he felt something cold enter his ear. It felt like pebbles
being put in his ear, but he didn’t know for sure because he couldn’t see. He
felt the alpha fill up his ear and push on it. It hurt. Then he felt the alpha
fold his ear down to cover the opening and sew it shut. Dean knew once the
alpha was done with the first ear he was having trouble hearing and he wanted
his father more than anything as the same treatment started in his other ear.
Dean felt the sewing continue after they left his face. He felt them sew his
fingers together and then his toes. Eventually, it stopped feeling like much of
anything and Dean knew he was drifting in and out of consciousness. Then Dean
felt them sew his arms to his side. They folded up his legs and sewed the
bottom of his legs to the top. They slowly sewed his penis to his balls. By the
time they were done, he knew he could barely move.
Then Dean felt himself get moved to a bed. He felt them enter him and knot him.
He could barely make out their laughter as they knotted him but he could feel
the sharp pulls on his skin. It felt to Dean like they were trying to rip his
skin off as they knotted him. He knew it was going to bruise.
After they knotted him they strung him up with a rope through the fold in his
legs so he was hanging upside down from the ceiling. He was helpless. He barely
made out the words from one of the alphas when he said, “You are going to hang
like this because your worthless ass couldn’t clean up the mess you made on the
bed.”
The next three days passed in a haze for Dean. He never got taken down from
where he was strung up. Their torture rotated between a single tail whip which
made him bleed and a cattle prod. Dean knew they would hit him each time until
he passed out. Dean never had anything to eat or drink while he was strung up.
In some of his more lucid moments he would wonder long he could take this
before he died.
The last time he lost consciousness when he woke up, he wasn’t strung up
anymore. The stitches that covered his body were gone. He opened his eyes and
the brightness of the room made him squint. He heard the gravelly voice of his
father, “Come on Dean, stay with me. I need you to drink.” Dean opened his
mouth and he felt his father pour some water inside.  He swallowed it slowly
letting the water soothe his sore and parched mouth.
Dean was too weak to try to move for hours. Then finally after his father came
back inside, Dean could see he had a strained look on his face. His father was
harsh which was normal, “Dean, change the sheets on the bed so I can get some
rest. You are going to need to wash the mess you made off of the sheets and
clean the blood out of my clothes. I had to kill my friends because of you.”
***** Having a Want *****
Sam didn’t know how to process what happened to Dean. Hearing in graphic detail
how his brother was tortured and almost killed by a group of madmen was enough
to cause Sam to want to hold on to Dean and never let go. The whole situation
made him angry but he did not show that anger to Dean.
Over the weeks that followed Dean shared more memories. Sam started to be able
to tell when Dean felt like he had to share something. Dean would start
fidgeting throughout the day and he would look scared. Then he would hide in
the corner of their room until Sam found him. Dean would cry when he thought
about the memory and he would always blame himself for whatever happened.
The more Sam heard about Dean’s life and what it had been. The more he wished
he never knew those things. As time went on Sam noticed, the memories got
darker and more painful for Dean. It got more painful for Sam to hear too.
Sometimes, Dean repeated a memory and told Sam about it again. Sam knew
whenever Dean did there was a piece of that memory that tore at him a little
deeper than the others.
Every time Dean would have one of these times, Sam would spend hours comforting
Dean afterward. He didn’t mind. His main problem was keeping his own tears back
and sometimes he failed. Sam didn’t want Dean to think he pitied him. But the
truth of the matter was, Sam did pity, Dean.
Sam was concerned about Dean’s anxiety. He could tell his brother was anxious
and he was unsure how to sooth that. Sam knew comforting Dean sometimes worked.
There were plenty of times when nothing worked and Dean would panic when
something triggered a memory from his past.
The worst panic attack was when Sam got anti-anxiety medication from Dr. Gaines
for Dean. Sam gave Dean the option on whether or not to take it after
explaining to Dean what it does. Sam found out that Dean had been drugged in
the past. He didn’t know whether or not to be relieved when Dean didn’t
remember much about what happened when he was drugged just bits and pieces. Sam
was fairly certain that the disorientation from the drugs was more upsetting to
Dean than anything they did to him.
Sam didn’t push the issue with medication. He did keep it on hand, just case
Dean changed his mind. Bobby was torn on the issue. While he didn’t want to lie
to Dean about what a certain medication was he felt it could help Dean cope
better. He knew it wouldn’t take the pain away that Dean felt inside and it
wouldn’t make Dean’s nightmares go away, but maybe it could help him process
without so much fear. Bobby knew Sam did manage to get Dean to take other
medications every day. At this point, Dean’s daily medication was nothing more
than his medication to suppress his heat and a vitamin.
Bobby did remember Dean’s fear that Sam was giving him medication to kill him.
He knew that sneaking any additional medication could hurt the trust that Dean
has given Sam. Still, Bobby didn’t know if forcing or tricking Dean to take the
medication was a better option. He decided to do a light push every couple days
to try to get Sam to change his mind and do something different with Dean.
Dean still wasn’t talking to Dr. Gaines. Oddly, Sam noticed that Dean had taken
to talking to Castiel at the omega rights center. Sam didn’t view either Dr.
Gaines or Castiel as threatening, but it surprised Sam that Dean would befriend
another alpha. This is where Sam was now, at the rights center watching Dean
talk to Castiel. He had been feeling a little jealous, even though he knew it
was childish to be jealous of his brother and mate having a friend.
Castiel wasn’t Dean’s only friend. He had also made friends with Lisa and her
son Ben. Lisa was omega and her son was a beta. Sam had talked to her a few
times and she seemed kind. Her life story was different and better than Dean’s
life. Lisa had a loving family growing up that treated her the same as her beta
sister, which was almost unheard of. After she started going into heat, her
parents arranged for her to belong to an alpha they had known for years.
Everything looked up until Lisa had Ben. The alpha was angry that the child was
a beta. The alpha beat Lisa in a fit of rage after the birth and left her.
Lisa ended up having to spend a month in a shelter while the courts sorted out
who owns her. She was separated from her son at the time, who was put in foster
care until her sister received guardianship.  She didn’t ever think she would
see her son or her family again. Even now, Lisa fears being taken away from her
sister and belonging to someone else.
Sam could understand where her fear was coming from and he could understand how
what happened to Lisa was traumatic. He remembered picking Dean up from the
shelter in California and he knew they were a far cry from anything he would
consider humane.
Sam did notice that Dean never went into details about his life with anyone
except him. Dean wouldn’t talk about their father being his alpha or anything
before Sam. When someone probed a little too much, Sam would find that Dean
would go to him and curl up against his side. Dean would wrap his arms around
Sam’s waist and he would bury his face in Sam’s shirt as if to hide from the
unwelcome questions. Sam never objected. He would just lightly pet Dean through
his hair and down his back as he fielded the questions for Dean.
Sam decided to eavesdrop on Dean’s conversation with Castiel. They were in the
kitchen making sandwiches. Sam stood back in the doorway and listened.
He heard Castiel’s gravelly voice, “Dean, you should really tell Sam. He can’t
help you if he doesn’t know.”
That got Sam’s full attention and Sam dialed back his instinct that told him to
step in to defend his omega. Instead he just quietly listened to Dean’s reply.
Dean sounded a little stressed, “I know, but I don’t want to put any more on
him. He already does so much for me and I hear him arguing with Bobby sometimes
about me. It makes me feel bad. I know I am worthless and a burden.”
Sam was surprised by the firmness of Castiel’s voice, “Dean, you’re not
worthless or a burden. Where do you get these ideas about yourself? Does Sam
call you those things?”
Sam watched Dean shake his head no and he said sheepishly, “No, just everybody
else has called me those things.”
Sam saw Castiel roll his eyes and he knew Castiel saw him. Castiel sighed and
said, “I don’t call you those things either. Neither has Gabriel or Bobby or
any of the other betas or omegas that come here.” Castiel paused, “Dean, you
only want two things. Why can’t you just ask Sam? I am sure it will be fine.”
Dean shook his head and said weakly, “No, it’s stupid. Besides, if I ask for
something he’ll hurt me.”
Castiel made brief eye contact with Sam. Castiel calmly said, “Has Sam ever
hurt you? It’s okay to tell me if he has, Dean. I won’t tell anyone.”
Dean shook his head no and continued talking in a weak voice, “No and that is
just it. He has never laid a hand on me. He rarely tells me not to do something
and he keeps asking me what I want. I just keep waiting for him to not like
what he hears or see me doing something wrong and lash out. I am just afraid he
is letting everything he is feeling build up inside and when he does let it
out. I.. I don’t know if I can take that kind of punishment anymore.”
Cas had a gentle voice when he replied, “Dean… I don’t think Sam is going to
lash out at you and I doubt he is going to blame you for all of his life’s
problems. I’ve spoken to Sam and he wants you to be happy. He thinks your dad
was wrong in treating you the way he did. He feels guilty about not protecting
you from the abuse you suffered.”
Dean wrapped his arms around himself and started fidgeting. Sam knew they were
about to have a problem. Dean stammered out, “Did.. did he tell you? How could
he tell you?”
Castiel’s voice was firm, “Dean, Sam didn’t tell me anything about what your
father did to you, only that he lost custody of you due to abuse. I do not know
any details about what your father did to you. However, I remember how poorly
he treated Sam when he would visit. I can only imagine it was much worse for
you.”
Sam saw Dean start to shake and he continued to stammer for words, “He.. he
hurt Sammy?.. N..nnn. no.”
Sam saw Dean curl down to the floor and he knew Dean was cowering away from
Castiel. He walked into the kitchen and gave Castiel a sympathetic smile. He
knelt down beside Dean who was sobbing and curled up in a ball. Sam carefully
pulled Dean into his arms and rocked him as he rubbed circles on his brother’s
back. He kissed Dean on the top of the head as he held him and whispered to
Dean, “Shh.. it’s okay. You’re safe, no one is going to hurt you.”
Sam carefully brushed Dean’s hair out his face. It was getting long and shaggy
at this point. He had thought about cutting it but he still wanted Dean to have
the choice and Dean hadn’t said anything about it one way or the other. After
several minutes and an increasingly worried look from Castiel, Dean started to
calm down. Sam continued to rock him until the tears stopped completely. Then
he just held Dean in silence for a little while longer.
Cas spoke nervously, “I am sorry, Dean. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Sam felt Dean bury his head into his chest with Castiel’s words. Sam just
lightly rubbed the back of Dean’s neck. He spoke softly and quietly. He didn’t
want to make any loud noises that could upset Dean. “It’s okay, Cas. I am sure
we will be fine.”
Castiel then excused himself from the kitchen. Sam continued to hold Dean on
the floor until he heard Dean’s weak voice, “How much did you hear?”
Sam hummed as he kissed Dean on the top of the head. He softly said, “Enough…
Look Dean. When I was a teenager and Dad would come to visit, we would butt
heads a lot. I toned it down around you, but sometimes he would show up without
you. The time Cas was referring to, I asked where you were and he called you a
name. It pissed me off so I punched him. Then he punched me back and got me
pinned down easily enough. Michael, Castiel’s older brother, pulled him off of
me.”
Sam laughed lightly at the memory, “You’ve never met Michael, but I wouldn’t
mess with him.”
Dean pulled his head up from Sam’s chest to look at him. He asked quietly, “Why
do you find hitting someone and getting hit funny?”
Sam shook his head. He replied quietly, “The fight wasn’t funny. It was
Michael’s reaction when he found out I got into a fight with my dad. Michael
tilted his head at me like he was confused and told me that if I want to turn
out like my father then all I need to do is continue lashing out at people with
anger and violence. It sounds stupid but that fight helped me become who I am.
After that, I spent a lot of time working to control my instinct and not
respond in violence. It is funny how sometimes we get advice in the most
unlikely of places.”
Dean was confused, “You control it?”
Sam nodded yes and he leaned down to kiss Dean on the lips. Dean tentatively
returned the kiss.
Dean asked a little worried, “Have you ever wanted to hit me?”
Sam kissed him again on the lips and through his kisses, Sam said, “No, never.
You’re too special.”
++
Later on that evening after the sunset, Sam was helping Dean do the dishes.
Dean had become comfortable with Sam helping. It used to bother him because he
thought that meant he was doing a bad job and not pleasing his alpha. He
learned over time that wasn’t the case. Sam just felt that he should help out
with chores too.
Dean found that he liked doing the dishes with Sam. It was nice being close to
his alpha and it would give them more time together later. He looked outside as
he rinsed one of the dishes. It was dark outside. He thought about what Cas
said about just asking Sam. Dean wasn’t sure if he should. He knew he shouldn’t
ask things of his alpha.
Dean started to chew on his lip as he thought about what to do or if he should
do anything. He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard Sam’s gentle voice,
“Dean, stop chewing on your lip. Are you okay?”
Dean looked at Sam and saw that he was concerned, not angry. He gave Sam a
small smile and said quietly, “Yes, Alpha. Sorry, Alpha.” His gaze made its way
outside again and he thought about if he should ask Sam.
Sam followed Dean’s gaze out the window. He couldn’t see what Dean was looking
at. It was a clear night. He couldn’t see anything going on the salvage yard.
Sam looked back at Dean and he thought that he saw a look of want on Dean’s
face. It was something Sam didn’t see often from Dean but he always had to
control his excitement when Dean wanted something. Sam knew he would give Dean
the moon if it would make him happy.
Carefully Sam asked, “What is outside that caught your eye?”
Dean rolled his shoulders and went back to washing the dishes. He murmured,
“Nothing, it’s stupid.”
Sam quirked an eyebrow as he took the clean dish from Dean. “Oh?” Sam put the
dish down and looked at Dean.  He said playfully, “Go put your coat and shoes
on. Let's go outside and you can show me what you think is stupid.”
Sam saw a flash of terror in Dean’s eyes before he nodded in agreement. A few
minutes later Dean was back in the kitchen and ready to go outside. They walked
outside on the porch. The night air was cool but not cold. Sam turned and
zipped up Dean’s jacket. He smiled at Dean. “Lead the way.”
Dean took a couple tentative steps and started walking. They weaved through the
stacks of old cars until they made it to the back of the lot. Back here there
was an old car that was pieced together from various cars. It was Sam and
Dean’s little playground as children. It was their fort, their home, and
anything else they imagined it to be. Bobby had built it for them. Each piece
was selected by either Sam or Dean. Bobby welded each piece together.
The pieces didn’t all fit perfectly. Sam remembered Bobby telling them that
people are like this car. Everyone has their own imperfections, but it is the
differences from person to person that make each person unique and special. Sam
wondered if the car was what Dean wanted to see.
Dean ran his fingers through the metal frame of the car. It was a lot like him
in some ways he thought. It was just pieced and slowly it was put together into
something useful. But that wasn’t why he had wandered out here. Dean sat down
on the hood of the car and leaned back. He looked at the stars. This is what he
wanted.
Sam looked up at the sky where his brother was looking. Then he looked back at
Dean. He saw a look of pure contentment on his face. It made Sam smile. Sam
remembered doing this with Dean when they were kids. They would sit out here at
night for hours and just stare at the stars. It was an escape from the reality
of their lives. Sam sat down on the car and leaned back next to Dean. He looked
up at the stars. He whispered to Dean, “Is this what you thought was stupid?”
Dean turned his head to look at Sam and saw his brother looking up at the sky.
He turned his gaze back towards the sky so he could savor this moment. He
didn’t know how long Sam would allow it. Dean felt ashamed when he said, “Yes.”
Sam moved his hand to hold Dean’s. He gave it a gentle squeeze. He spoke
quietly in a reassuring voice, “This isn’t stupid. I missed doing this with
you.”
***** The Sentencing *****
Sam laid out under the stars with Dean until he started to see Dean struggle to
stay awake. Then they went inside with a promise from Sam that they need to do
that more often. Sam was happy he was able to do something to make Dean happy.
He just wished Dean felt comfortable asking for things more often but he knows
it will be a long time before Dean is comfortable with that idea.
Sam wondered if stargazing was one of the things Dean told Cas he wanted but
was afraid to ask. He wasn’t sure if Cas knew of two other things or if this
was part of what he wanted. The selfish side of Sam wanted Castiel to know of
two additional things. But Sam still had to find out what Dean’s wants were.
It was a bright morning as Dean started work in the salvage yard. Sam, as
always, was out there with him. Sam had started to feel more useful by handing
Dean tools. He was pretty sure Dean knew he wasn’t mechanically inclined but at
least he was able to learn the different names of the tools. That in itself was
an accomplishment for Sam.
Right now, Sam didn’t have any tools to pass to Dean. His brother was carefully
putting something together and Sam had no clue what part it was, what purpose
it served, or what it did. Dean was fixing this car for a customer that Bobby
talked too. Sam was grateful Bobby knew this stuff otherwise he would have to
relay information from Dean. With Dean working on the cars, Bobby’s business
has been steadily increasing.
Since Sam had a few minutes he pulled out his phone and texted Cas, “Hey Cas.
Sorry about Dean freaking out last night. He’s doing better today.”
The phone dinged quickly after that, “It wasn’t Dean’s fault. I am glad he is
ok.”
Sam looked at Dean then back down at his phone. He had to ask, “So what was
Dean keeping from me?”
It took a little while longer for the phone to ding, “Ask him nicely.”
Sam stared at his phone for a minute before he heard Dean say, “Phillips head
screwdriver.. a small one, please.”
He shoved his phone in his pocket. Then Sam quickly handed the tool to Dean and
took the one he had been using. He took a moment to clean it with a rag before
putting it away. He didn’t really understand why he was supposed to clean each
tool after each use, but he knew if he didn’t Dean would clean every tool in
the box before he called it a day.
After Sam was sure Dean was going to be occupied for a few minutes, he pulled
his phone back out. He texted Castiel, “Please.”
The phone dinged back a moment later with a one-word response, “No.”
Sam frowned at his phone. He texted to Cas, “But I am his alpha.”
It only took a moment and his phone dinged, “So what.”
Sam sighed which caused Dean to look up from where he was working. Dean looked
at Sam and Sam’s phone for a moment before asking quietly, “Is everything
okay?”
Sam smiled at Dean and said in a somewhat confident voice, “Yeah Dean,
everything is fine.” He hoped Dean wasn’t on to him.
He watched Dean work for a few minutes. Sam was always amazed at the skill Dean
had for certain things. As much as the world tried to put Dean down, he was
good at things, useful things. Sam just wished he wasn’t the only one to see
that. Finally, Sam texted Cas, “If I tell you what he told me will you tell me
if that is what he told you? Just so I know I am not missing something..
Please.”
His phone dinged a moment later, “Fine.”
Sam smiled and texted, “Stargazing?”
He waited for what seemed like an eternity but it was really only a few seconds
to get a reply, “Yes, what else?”
Sam gave an honest smile with that. He texted back, “That’s all I got right
now. I will keep you posted.”
+++
Dean knew Sam had been acting odd all day. He wasn’t sure what to make of that
but it made him nervous. Today was a big day, this afternoon Bobby was going to
John’s sentencing at the courthouse. Dean knew that Sam didn’t want him to see
John and that was why they weren’t going. But Dean couldn’t help the urge to
want to see him one last time.
He still felt some loyalty towards his father, not much loyalty. Dean knew if
given the choice on who his alpha is he would pick Sam. But he still wanted to
see his father and he wanted John to see him. Just so John would know he is
okay. Dean knew his father was not a kind man but he still protected him to
some degree.
They closed up the salvage yard around noon because of court. Dean knew it was
because Sam wanted to make sure Dean was safely inside. Sam didn’t like him
working in the salvage yard when Bobby wasn’t there. Dean figured that Sam was
never really able to answer a lot of questions though he tried and the
customers didn’t like it when Sam asked an omega.
Dean was now sitting in the living room on the floor. He still wasn’t
comfortable with the idea of sitting on the furniture. He also liked the way
Sam would sit down next to him and pet his hair. It felt nice and it was
relaxing. But Sam wasn’t in the room right now. It was just him and Bobby.
Bobby was struggling to get a tie on. Dean found it sort of humorous, even
though he didn’t know how to tie a tie either. It just wasn’t a piece of
apparel omegas wore and his father always tied his own tie. Dean wondered
briefly if Sam had ever worn a tie. He didn’t really know what events would
qualify as tie worthy. Dean knew in a lot of the old movies Bobby liked to
watch the men wore ties a lot. But he didn’t know how much they wore ties
today.
Dean watched Sam come down the stairs and enter the room. Sam patted Bobby
lightly on the back and then Dean watched Sam tie the tie in one solid
movement. He watched Sam fix Bobby’s shirt collar and smile at the old man.
Then Sam said playfully, “There. You almost look presentable.”
Bobby rolled his eyes and said gruffly, “Shut up, you idjit. Are you boys going
to be okay here this afternoon? I know this isn’t an easy thing for you. I can
stay home.”
Sam smiled at Bobby and gave him a hug. He pulled back and had a thoughtful
look on his face. Part of him wanted Bobby to stay home and tell him everything
was going to be okay. But the mature part of him knew Bobby had to do this. He
had to be there to represent himself and his boys.  Sam shook his head no and
said with mild confidence, “We will be fine, Bobby… Just call me when you know
the verdict.”
Bobby nodded in agreement and headed into his study. He wanted to grab his
paperwork on the case before he left.
After Bobby left the room, Sam walked over to Dean and sat down on the sofa.
Dean leaned his head against Sam’s leg. Sam knew Dean liked this. When they had
these times, everything was simple and quiet. Sam wondered if Dean treasured
these times. Sam started lightly petting Dean through his hair and he noticed
Dean was tense.
Gently Sam asked, “Dean, is everything okay?”
Dean shrugged but didn’t say anything. Sam took that as a no. He pulled himself
off the sofa and sat down on the floor next to Dean. He carefully wrapped his
arms around Dean and pulled in for a hug. He whispered to Dean, “Please tell me
what is wrong?”
Dean turned his head into Sam’s chest. He felt upset and the reasoning didn’t
make sense to him. He wanted to see his dad but his dad had hurt him and Sammy.
Dean moved up a hand to grip the front of Sam’s shirt. He spoke quietly, but
that didn’t stop his voice from hitching. “I am never going to see Dad again
and today could be my last chance to see him.”
Sam took in Dean’s words. It made sense that Dean would want to see John. The
man had completely broken and brainwashed Dean into nothing but what he wanted.
Sam wasn’t sure that was a good idea. Especially, with the media, the noise,
other poorly behaved alphas, and most importantly Dean’s recovery. Sam didn’t
want Dean to have a panic attack in front of the whole world and especially in
front of his father. Sam could only guess what words would come out of his
father’s mouth.
Sam thought quickly as Bobby reentered the room. He looked up at Bobby and
spoke in an unsure voice, “Hey Bobby, can you talk to the district attorney
today and see if there is some way we could arrange for Dean and I to go up to
the jail and talk to Dad before he goes to prison or wherever? Just to say
bye.”
Bobby was about to ask Sam why he would want to put Dean through that, but then
he saw the hopeful look on Dean’s face and he got it. He didn’t like it, but he
got it. Bobby sighed and said, “Sure thing kid, but you’re not too old for me
to parent you. I’ll be going with you to the jail if we can get this worked
out.”
Sam gave a grateful smile and said a simple, “Thank you,” to Bobby before he
left.
 ++
The courthouse was packed and Bobby wasn’t expecting anything less. He made his
way in and sat a couple rows back. He had the victim’s impact statement Sam had
written and he was tasked with reading it today. Bobby had read it before today
and he read the many drafts of it Sam had written until Sam came to his final
draft.
Bobby heard Sam read the letter at home, through his own mouth to Dean. He
wasn’t sure Dean understood what Sam was trying to say. But Bobby did notice
the way Dean curled up with Sam and held on to him. It was a bittersweet moment
for Bobby. He didn’t like how dependent they were getting towards each other
but he was glad they had each other. He was especially glad Dean had Sam.
Bobby listened to the heartfelt statements from the beta wives of the officers
killed in the line of duty. He felt bad for them and the children that now had
to grow up without one of their parents. He did roll his eyes when one of the
wives talked about how she was only had one omega before her husband died. So
she was left without any heirs and no one to carry on the family line. Bobby
thought she was being a bit dramatic and not appreciating what she had.
Finally, it was Bobby’s turn to speak. He stood up and walked to the podium in
the center of the courtroom and he turned to face John. John was in a nice suit
and he didn’t look nearly as arrogant as the last time Bobby saw him. He looked
like he had been kicked down a peg or two. Bobby shook his head and opened the
folder in his hand that held Sam’s letter.
Bobby spoke clearly to the judge, “My name is Robert Singer. I am reading this
on behalf of John Winchester’s biological alpha son, Samuel Winchester. I was
Samuel’s legal guardian from age 12 until he reached adulthood.”
The judge an alpha nodded and motioned toward the court, “Understood, please go
ahead.”
Bobby took a deep breath and started reading Sam’s words.
“Dad,
I don’t even know if I should call you dad anymore, after what you have done to
me and especially to your omega son. I feel angry about everything you’ve put
us through but I do not let that anger define me.
I wanted to thank you for not taking the time to raise me. It made me a better
person. My omega brother raised me the best he could for the first twelve
years. I want you to know, he did an amazing job and I love him dearly. After
that, you left me with an old friend of yours. One you used to leave Dean and
me with for months at a time.
Bobby taught me a lot of things, but the most important thing he taught me was
how not to be like you. He taught me to respect everyone which is something you
never taught me. Still, I never viewed you as a bad person until I got a call
from an omega shelter telling me they had taken my brother from you. My heart
broke when I saw him inside that cage. You had severely beaten, prostituted and
starved him for years.
When you showed up at my house with the intent of taking my omega brother, I
was scared for him, for me, and everyone else involved. I knew if you got your
hands on the omega you would hurt him again. I also knew you intended to kill
Bobby and me that night. While I am grateful, Bobby and I were unharmed. I was
horrified by your actions. There was no justifiable reason to kill those two
officers.
I want you to know that my omega, who was your target that night, is doing
well. He is no longer being starved and has managed to put on weight. I am
pleased to say he is no longer underweight. He is useful to me. The omega has
been helping us run the family salvage business and he has been doing a great
job.
As much as I would like to say I don’t care what happens to you that would be a
lie. Even though you told me once you do not view me as your son. I still view
you as my father, even if you never were much of a father to me. I don’t know
what your sentence is going to be. I do not wish for you to have a long
sentence, a short sentence, or anything in between. I merely wish that whatever
the sentence, you learn from it and work towards becoming a better person.
Samuel Winchester”
Bobby carefully closed the folder after he finished reading and turned back
towards the judge. He knew he had the last statement to read. The judge nodded
for Bobby to return to his seat. After Bobby was seated, he watched the judge
start to shift some papers around.
The judge’s voice was strong, “John Winchester, please stand.” Bobby watched in
silence as John stood. He saw how pale John looked and he couldn’t blame him.
 The judge started to speak, “On count one and two of capital first-degree
murder of a police officer, I hereby sentence you to 15 to 20 years in a
maximum security prison.
“To be serviced concurrently with that sentence, on count three intent to kill
an alpha, I sentence you to 5 to 10 years. On count four of intent to kill a
beta, I sentence you to 2 to 5 years. On count five of intent to kidnap a male
omega, I sentence you to 2 to 3 months. Finally, on count six of breaking in
and entering, I sentence you to 1 year.” The judge paused, “Do you have any
questions, Mr. Winchester?”
Bobby saw that John was pissed. He thought it was a light sentence considering
but apparently John did not feel the same way. John gruffly said, “When I get
out can I get my omega back?”
Bobby watched as the judge shuffled through some paperwork. After a few minutes
he said firmly, “No, his new alpha filed all the necessary paperwork to prevent
that.”
Bobby sighed with relief. The last thing he wanted was for John to have any
claim to Dean. He silently decided to try to convince the boys to move to a
European country that had more rights for omegas before John got out, just in
case. An ocean, a different country, and different laws should make it at least
a little more difficult for John to bother them.
***** The Visit *****
Sam was happy to hear that their father was going to be out of their lives for
a while. Bobby didn’t know which prison John was going to but he wasn’t being
transferred for a week. After a couple days of phone calls between lawyers and
the sheriff’s office to authorize visitation, Bobby got it arranged for Sam and
Dean to see John.
They were going to get up to one hour in private away from the other inmates.
Bobby didn’t manage to get approved to go see John with Sam and Dean because he
was not related. However, he decided that he can still wait for the boys in the
waiting room at the jail. He saw no reason to make Sam drive up there and back
home. Bobby thought it was the least he could for the boys.
The drive to the local jail was silent. Sam and Dean were in the backseat of
Bobby’s truck. Dean held his leash in his hands and leaned his head against
Sam’s shoulder. Bobby thought Dean looked relaxed which was the exact opposite
of Sam. Sam was stiff in his seat and his palms were sweaty. Bobby thought Sam
looked worried.
Sam was nervous walking into the jail with Bobby and Dean. He had Dean on a
leash and for once he actually held on tight to the leash. It was the first
time he wasn’t afraid of it. Sam still didn’t tug on it or pull Dean around
with it, but for Sam, it was reassuring to know exactly where Dean was. He
checked them in and they sat down in the waiting room.
Bobby sat in a chair next to Sam and Dean sat down on the floor on the other
side of Sam. Part of Sam wanted Dean in between the two of them to protect him.
But Sam forced himself to push it down, he didn’t need to be overly controlling
of Dean. He reminded himself that it was important not to force Dean to do
anything he didn’t want to do.
It took about 20 minutes for an officer to come get them. The officer led them
into a room with a glass wall. The room was empty except for one chair bolted
to the floor. Sam looked at the glass and back at the chair a couple times. He
gave Dean an uneasy smile. Sam sat down in the chair and Dean sat down on the
floor next to him. He started absently running his hand through Dean’s hair
while they waited.
About five minutes later the lights came on in the room on the other side of
the glass. Sam and Dean watched as the officers led their father into the room
in shackles. Sam noticed that Dean tensed and lowered his head at the sight. He
kept a reassuring hand on the back of Dean’s neck, gently rubbing it. Sam
noticed that Dean’s breathing started to become shallower as the officers
removed the shackles and left the room.
Sam glanced up at his father, who surprisingly, looked concerned. Then Sam
turned his attention to Dean. Sam knew Dean was starting to panic. He slid down
from the chair onto the floor next to Dean. Sam was careful not to pull on
Dean’s leash as he moved. He wrapped his arms around Dean and turned his
brother’s head into his chest. It was intentional on Sam’s part, he was hiding
their father from Dean’s gaze.
Sam leaned down and whispered into Dean’s ear, “It’s okay, Dean. Dad can’t get
to you.” Dean tensed a little more with those words and Sam noticed the front
of his shirt was getting wet. He knew Dean was silently crying. Sam started to
gently rub Dean’s back and whispered to Dean, “Do you want to go?” Sam felt
Dean shake his head no.
Sam gave Dean a tight hug before pulling Dean back from him slightly so he
could see Dean’s face. He carefully wiped the tears away and kissed Dean on the
forehead. Sam smiled at Dean and said in a reassuring voice, “Okay, we don’t
have to go but tell me if that changes.”
Dean moved a hand up to grip the front of Sam’s shirt. He didn’t want Sam to
move away from him, not now. Dean slowly started to look at his father. He
started by looking at his father shoes. They were simple gray slip on shoes and
Dean could see the white socks that he wore around his father’s ankles. Then
Dean’s gaze traveled upward a little more and he saw gray pants. Then he saw a
short sleeve gray shirt and his father’s bare arms.
Dean remembered those arms. They were the arms that hurt him and held him down.
They were also the arms that picked him and hugged him when no one else would
when Sammy wasn’t there. Dean’s heart ached a little at that because his father
had taken Sammy away from him and now Sammy had taken him away from his father.
It was confusing to Dean. He grabbed onto Sam’s shirt a little tighter and
whimpered.
Dean felt Sam start to rub his back lightly again and he leaned into the touch.
It was nice, soft, and gentle. It was everything his father was not. Dean
closed his eyes for a moment and just enjoyed this. He was so close to
something different that he appreciated Sam just a little bit more.
Dean heard his father clear his throat and he moved his head down to Sam’s
chest. He stared at the floor as he heard his father start to speak. His
father’s voice sounded worn and tired, “I see you were serious about Dean
putting on weight.” There was a long pause before John continued, “He looks
better.. healthy.”
Dean closed his eyes as his father finished talking. He heard Sam’s voice it
was firm but gentle, “You need to breathe, Dean.” He didn’t realize he was
holding his breath until Sam said something. Dean slowly let out his breath and
took in another one. He wondered if forgetting to breathe was why omegas had to
have alphas.
Dean listened as Sam spoke again. His voice was firm and a little stressed,
“Dean is getting better every day. He still has a long way to go before he is
fully recovered. The reason why we are here is because Dean wanted to see you
before you went to prison.”
Sam watched carefully as John stepped forward towards the glass. John knelt
down on the other side of the glass and Sam saw that his eyes were on Dean. Sam
still held Dean in his arms as he continued to rub Dean’s back. He was hoping
Dean wouldn’t have a panic attack, but he doubted they were going to make it
out of here that lucky.
John’s voice was quiet but rough around the edges when he spoke. Sam had almost
forgotten how even the quietest voice from his father never really seemed nice.
“Dean, why did you want to see me?”
Sam looked down at Dean and waited for him to respond. He didn’t answer instead
he just tightened his grip on Sam’s shirt. Sam gently brushed the hair out of
Dean’s face and answered for him. “Dean wanted you to know that he is okay.”
John grunted and stood. Sam watched him grin with amusement. Then John shrugged
and said casually, “It makes sense that he would want to check in with his
alpha. I am glad my omega is loyal to me.” Sam watched as his father’s gaze
stared down at Dean. “You’re a good boy, Dean.”
Sam felt a surge of jealousy, which he quickly pushed down inside of him. Sam
felt Dean shift in his arms to hide his face. He let his brother bury his face
and hang onto him a little tighter. Then Sam heard Dean speak. It was barely a
whisper, but Sam heard it and John heard it. “I’m not his.”
John’s voice was stern and Sam was certain that if the jail wasn’t so well
built it would have rattled the walls. “What did you say, omega?”
Dean’s voice was a little stronger this time as he spoke from Sam’s chest. “I
said. I don’t belong to you.” Dean dared to turn his head out from where it was
nestled in Sam’s chest. He didn’t let go of Sam as he looked up at his father
in the face. This wasn’t something he wasn’t allowed to do as an omega and
sometimes it still hurt to look at someone in the face and see their eyes.
But Dean felt like he had to do this. He had to show his father he wasn’t
afraid of him and more importantly that he wasn’t owned by him anymore. Dean
wanted his father to know that he belongs to Sammy now. He was still afraid,
though. He was afraid that Sam would look at him differently or punish him. He
was staring at another alpha and he spoke to another alpha without Sam’s
permission. He knew he wasn’t at the omega rights center where Sam allowed that
behavior.
Dean heard Sam’s gentle voice, “Dean, who is your alpha?”
It sounded so nice that Dean couldn’t help but smile. He knew his father hated
it when he smiled but Sam liked to see him smile. Dean stopped looking at his
father and moved his head to look at Sam as Sam held him. He spoke softly, “You
are my alpha… My alpha is Sam.”
Sam smiled down at Dean and kissed him gently on the lips. He knew if looks
could kill; his father would have killed him right then. Sam ran a hand through
Dean’s hair and spoke with a firmness that was laced with compassion, “My
omega. My perfect omega.” He leaned down and gave Dean another kiss. “You are
perfect, Dean.”
+++
Sam noticed Dean looked uncomfortable on the ride home. He decided that some
time alone might be helpful. After they arrived home, Sam and Dean went up to
their bedroom and Sam closed the door. Sam watched Dean for a moment and he saw
that Dean was tense. Dean kept touching the sides of his face like it burned.
Then it clicked for Sam. He had a pretty good idea what was wrong.
Sam kept his voice soft and gentle. He didn’t want to startle or cause Dean to
tense up anymore. “Are the sides of your face or your ears hurting?”
Dean looked back at Sam and nodded. Then he said with confusion, “Yes, Alpha.”
Sam nodded and walked over to Dean. He touched the side of Dean’s face which
caused him to flinch away. As soon as Dean flinched, Sam saw a look of fear
creep over Dean’s face and he watched as Dean leaned into his hand, even though
he was grimacing. Sam moved his hand away from the side of Dean’s face and ran
it through his hair. He spoke with an understanding tone and hoped Dean would
understand he wasn’t in trouble. “Dean, you’re not in trouble. Were you flexing
your jaw or grinding your teeth this afternoon?”
Dean relaxed slightly as Sam’s hand traveled down his arm and was lightly
touching him. It wasn’t cruel like he feared. Dean nodded his head yes and said
quietly, “Yes, Alpha. Sorry, Alpha.”
Sam nodded and said in a reassuring voice, “It’s okay, Dean. Today was
stressful and I understand that. Why don’t you lay down and I will get the
heating pad? Do you want any pain medication?”
Dean stepped back from Sam and shook his head no. Sam didn’t miss the pleading
tone in Dean’s voice, “Please Alpha, no. I’ll be good. I promise.”
Sam frowned at Dean. He looked Dean in the eye and he saw how Dean was
struggling to maintain the eye contact. Sam knew that was difficult for him. He
spoke gently, “Dean, I am not going to drug you. All I want to know is if you
want something that will help the pain level. It won’t affect your judgment in
any way.” Dean didn’t look convinced. So Sam continued, “Dean, you are good.
You are the best omega, mate, and brother I could ever ask for. You are not in
trouble.”
Sam took a step towards Dean slowly. He wanted to give Dean plenty of time to
respond and to see what was happening. Sam knew all too well that sudden
movements could send Dean into a panic attack at times like this. Once he
reached Dean he gently touched his shoulder. Then Sam led Dean over to the bed
and carefully helped Dean lay down. Sam could see the fear in Dean’s eyes but
he didn’t draw attention to that.
Sam stepped back and pulled the heating pad out of the nightstand. He lifted
Dean’s head and put the heating pad under it. Then Sam turned it on. He waited
a couple minutes for it to warm up. Then he gently moved a pillow in on one
side of Dean’s face to hold the heating pad in place. Then he repeated the
process with the other side. Sam could see Dean relaxing slightly. The routine
with the heating pad was a normal part of day to day life for Dean.
He smiled down at Dean and moved to his side of the bed. He sat up against the
wall and put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. He lightly touched it as he spoke
softly, “Hopefully, the heating pad will help with the pain. If it doesn’t. We
can start rotating between the heating pad and ice until it feels better.” Sam
watched as Dean closed his eyes like he always did at times like these. He
could feel Dean calming down under his fingertips.
Sam pulled his phone out of his pocket while Dean laid next to him. He texted
Castiel, “So one of Dean’s wants.. To see our Dad before he goes to prison.”
Sam waited for what seemed like an eternity before Cas texted back, “Most
definitely not, why would he want to see that ass butt?”
Sam frowned at his phone, “He wanted to say goodbye”
His phone dinged a moment later, “You can write a letter to say goodbye.”
The visit did go okay aside from Dean’s ever present fear. Dean didn’t have a
panic attack and most importantly to Sam, Dean didn’t defer to their dad. Sam
texted Cas, “I took Dean to see him today.”
The phone dinged with quickly after that message, “What is wrong with you? Is
he okay?”
Sam looked thoughtfully at his phone and he wondered briefly what was wrong
with him. He knew he still scared Dean sometimes and he didn’t know if he did
something to cause that or if all the years of abuse made Dean that way. Sam
didn’t know. He just wished he knew how to treat Dean right and how to get Dean
to trust him. Finally, Sam texted back, “Fine, except his TMJ, is acting up and
he thought I was going to drug him when I offered pain medication.”
++
Sam didn’t hear back from Cas. After 20 minutes Sam took the heating pad away
from Dean’s face. Sam saw Dean’s eyes shoot up at him. The fear had subsided
but Sam could tell Dean was still on edge. Just as Sam was about to ask if he
was feeling better. He heard the doorbell ring.
Sam sighed, “I’ll be right back, Dean. You can get up if you want.”
Sam left the room and went downstairs. He opened the front door and Castiel was
standing there with a casserole dish. Sam watched as Castiel handed the dish to
him with an uncomfortable smile on his face. Sam looked down at the dish then
back up at Cas. He hesitantly asked, “What is this?”
Castiel shrugged, “You and Dean had a rough day. I thought I would bring you
dinner as a gesture of kindness.”
Sam stared at Cas for a moment. Sometimes, it was easy for Sam to forget how
awkward Cas is with social situations but moments like this reminded him of
that. Sam gave Cas a smile and said, “Thank you, Cas. What is it?”
Castiel shrugged again, “It is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. They are my
favorite.”
Sam took a moment peeled back the wrap on the dish. There were in fact peanut
butter and jelly sandwiches cut into little squares covering the entire 9 x 13
dish. It was a lot of sandwiches for 3 people. Sam tried not to laugh at
Castiel’s quirky nature. He opened the door a little further and looked back.
Sam saw Dean standing at the bottom of the stairs watching the exchange.
Sam gave Dean a reassuring smile and he asked Dean directly, “Dean, would you
be okay with Cas staying for dinner? He made us some sandwiches.”
Dean looked at Cas for a moment and then he looked at Sam. He was nervous about
having another alpha in the house, even if it was Cas, but Cas had made them
dinner. Dean nodded a shaky yes then he said with uncertainty, “Yes, Sam. I
think we have some yogurt and apple sauce to go with the sandwiches.”
***** The Second Want *****
Dean did feel a little better after seeing his dad. It was something he knew he
could never admit to Sam. It was just he wanted to know his dad was alive and
in one piece, even though he was certain that deep down Sam didn’t care if
their dad was dead in a hole somewhere. But that wasn’t the only reason why he
felt better.
He had done something he dreamed of doing for years. Something that was hidden
away in some of his more rebellious fantasies. He was proud that he was able to
tell his dad that he was Sam’s and he hoped that when the day came when his
father was released John would leave him alone. Dean knew that Sam would
protect him from John, but he didn’t want John to look at him as still
belonging to him. Dean hoped that he got that point across.
The whole experience had left him feeling off and those feelings continued
throughout the evening. The back of jaw straight down from his ears still had a
dull throbbing pain. Dean felt bad because Sam had gone out in the middle of
the night and got some sort of cream what smelled like camphor. He didn’t
protest when Sam gently rubbed some on the sides of his face and back behind
his ears. It actually felt nice and a little tingly.
He could still smell the camphor over Sam, which he didn’t like. Dean could
feel Sam lying next to him in bed, which helped ease his nerves. He shifted in
bed to look at Sam. Dean thought about how peaceful Sam looked sleeping and
everything he had given up for him. It didn’t seem fair to Dean. He didn’t
think Sam should have had to give up his entire life for him. Sam walked away
from college, his friends, his job, his apartment, everything. Sam gave up
everything to move back in with his childhood guardian to take care of Dean.
Dean searched Sam’s sleeping face to try to figure out why he would do that and
he couldn’t find the reason. He was just an omega, a damaged omega at that.
Dean knew he was nothing special and could be replaced easily enough, but Sam
never once entertained the idea of having a different omega. He thought about
that and wondered why? He wondered how he could break Sam of that so Sam would
go back to living his own life instead of worrying about him.
He wondered if disobeying and not asking for permission would get Sam to walk
away. Dean thought about his fear of punishment that had always kept him from
doing those things. He stared at Sam a moment longer and decided he would have
to at least try. Even if he panicked or failed, he would have to try to get Sam
to give up on him.
Dean turned away from Sam on the bed and sat up. It took him a few moments to
convince himself to stand up and get out of bed without permission. He smiled
at his own inner victory and the little spark of freedom that made him feel
alive. He turned and looked to see that Sam was still soundly asleep. Dean
frowned at that. He was hoping Sam would see his disobedience right away but he
realized he was going to have to wait.
Dean decided to up the ante while Sam slept. He left the bedroom and went
downstairs to the kitchen. He was pleased with himself for not telling Sam.
Dean hoped this idea would work. He looked around the dark kitchen and no one
in the house was up yet. It was still early and he knew no one would be up for
at least an hour. Dean sighed and thought how rebelling was harder than it
seemed.
He started a pot of coffee and threw together a breakfast casserole for Bobby
and Sam to be ready when they woke up. Dean put the casserole in the oven and
sat down at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee as he waited for Sam.
++
Sam woke up slowly. He reached his hand over to the other side of the bed and
it was empty. He sat up and opened his eyes quickly. Sam was faced with staring
at an empty bed. He felt a pain of worry in his chest as he looked around the
room. Dean wasn’t there. Sam looked up and saw the bedroom door was cracked. He
figured Dean must have gotten up.
Sam took a moment to calm himself as he got up. He knew he got all worked up
over nothing. Sam wandered down to the stairs and he could smell something
cooking in the kitchen. It smelled good. He wandered into the kitchen and Dean
was sitting at the table. Sam glanced at the oven and saw it was on with the
timer set.
He looked at Dean for a moment and saw how nervously Dean was sipping his
coffee. Sam yawned and decided to deal with that after coffee. Sam poured
himself a cup of coffee and sat down across from Dean. He smiled at Dean but
Dean did not return the smile. Sam noticed that Dean looked fearful.
Sam took a couple more sips of coffee before asking calmly, “What are you
cooking?”
Dean glanced up at Sam and said quietly, “Breakfast casserole.” He knew his
rebellious attitude was being crushed under the weight of his alpha being here
now. He knew he was dangerously close to begging Sam to forgive him and
accepting whatever punishment Sam saw fit. Dean’s heart clenched at the idea of
Sam punishing him. The idea still scared him.
Sam put the coffee down and smiled at Dean. He was happy that Dean felt
comfortable enough to come down here and fix breakfast. He knew normally Dean
wouldn’t even get up to go to the bathroom during the night without asking
first. So to Sam, this was progress and great progress at that. Sam was happy
when spoke, “I am proud of you for being able to do this, Dean.  Really, I am.
I know that getting up and coming down here on your own must have been
difficult for you.”
Dean looked down at his coffee and thought about how it would figure that Sam
would want him to disobey. Sam was after all unlike any alpha he had ever met.
He knew that up until recently he would have said Sam was the most atypical
alpha he had ever met. But that wasn’t true, Cas was the most atypical alpha
followed closely by Sam. 
Dean shook his head as he tried to think of another way to get Sam to see he
wasn’t worth the effort. He had to get Sam to see that so Sam would go back to
living his own life.
++
During the day, Dean tried various things. None of which worked to get a rise
out of Sam. He stopped saying please when he asked for a tool. Dean was nearly
certain by the end the day Sam didn’t even notice the lack of the word, please.
During lunch and dinner, he refused to eat his vegetables. Sam didn’t even
flinch at that. Instead, Sam just checked to make sure he got enough to eat.
Dean even cut himself a bigger piece of pie for himself than he did for Bobby
and Sam that evening. Neither one of them said anything.
Dean was frustrated. He knew if he could he would just wander off for a bit
maybe Sam would just forget about him but he knew that being outside without
Sam was dangerous. Dean thought about that as he watched Sam settle on the sofa
with a book. When he started this whole thing today, he hadn’t really thought
about what his life would be like without Sam. That was when the images of the
shelter passed through his mind. He remembered the cold concrete of his cage
and the cruel laughter of the alphas that passed through. Dean knew that would
be his life, forever if Sam wasn’t there. Sam was the only thing keeping in
from that fate.
Sam looked up from his book and saw that Dean looked upset. He carefully sat
the book down and said gently, “Dean, come here.”
Dean hesitantly walked over to Sam. His plan was falling apart with the weight
of everything. The reality was his life would be horrible without Sam and he
knew without a doubt he was selfish. He liked what he had now and he didn’t
want to go back to what he had before. Dean felt Sam pull him into his arms and
that just made Dean feel a little worse, even if it felt nice and safe to be
held by Sam. Dean heard Sam speak gently to him, “Dean, what’s wrong? You’ve
been on edge all day. You’re not in trouble. I just want to know so I can help
you.”
Dean whimpered at that and leaned his head on Sam’s shoulder. His willful
disobedience towards his alpha didn’t incite his alpha’s wrath. It incited his
alpha’s worry and Dean knew he was just being a bad omega. He knew he deserved
to get punished or cast out for this. Dean didn’t want Sam to leave him
anymore. He knew that was a foolish desire.
He let a few tears fall onto Sam’s shoulder before he decided to explain
himself. Dean knew he was selfish for wanting that one more moment of comfort
before he got in trouble. Dean didn’t expect himself to sound so broken when he
spoke, “I..I have been purposefully disobeying you all day.”
Sam was honestly shocked that announcement. He thought back throughout the day
and Sam could see it now. He hadn’t thought much about it at the time because
it was just little things. Things Sam thought Dean should have a choice on
anyways. He had been happy Dean was doing things on his own and so forth, but
now he didn’t know how to feel. Sam knew he wasn’t mad but still he had to know
the reasoning.
Sam gently started rubbing Dean’s back and he asked in a reassuring voice, “Why
have you been disobeying me?”
Dean shifted in Sam’s grasp. He felt afraid because his secret was going to
come out. He let himself cry freely as he stammered out the words. Dean looked
at Sam in the eyes as he spoke because he knew this could be the last time he
ever got to do that. “I wanted you to get rid of me so you could have your life
back.”
Just like that, Sam stopped rubbing Dean’s back. He was a little shocked by the
revelation. Sam knew he had given up a lot for Dean, but he made sure to never
talk about it around Dean. He didn’t want Dean to know about or even worry
about his life. Sam figured Dean was more important than his goals and any
future dreams he had. When Sam had come back home. He had resolved himself to
taking over the family salvage business from Bobby one day. The idea of Sam the
lawyer was forgotten with an instilled concept of a family comes first.
Sam knew he had to say something but he couldn’t find the words on the first
few tries. Finally, Sam spoke in a slightly shocked voice, “Dean, I would never
choose what I had before over you. Disobeying me isn’t going to get me to leave
you. I was actually proud of you for making choices today. You and Bobby. This
stupid salvage yard, they are all part of my life.”
Dean felt worse after Sam spoke. He felt Sam start rubbing his back again and
Sam’s kindness was something Dean could never understand. Dean spoke quietly
out of shame, “I want you to be happy, Sammy.”
Sam reached up and brushed Dean’s hair back with one of his hands. He smiled
and gave Dean a soft kiss. “I am happy.”
Dean nodded and thought for a moment. If Sam was happy then what did he really
want? He wanted Sam to pursue his dreams, whatever they are. Dean was quieter
when he spoke again, “What about your dreams?”
Sam held onto Dean and hummed as he thought. He really hadn’t had any dreams or
goals lately beyond Dean getting better. Sam knew Dean was wanting him to think
beyond him. Sam guessed leaving school and working in the salvage yard as
Dean’s tool handler maybe part of what is bothering Dean.
Finally, Sam said thoughtfully, “I have a lot of dreams. I have left a lot of
dreams behind because I found other things more important, I found you more
important. But I’ll tell you what, I can look into taking some classes online
to finish my degree and we will go from there.” Sam paused to see the smile on
Dean’s face. Then Sam added, “After I left for college, I started going on a
camping trip by myself once a year to get away from everything. I didn’t do it
this year because I wasn’t sure how you felt about camping. But I can see if I
can arrange for a camping trip someplace where omegas are welcome.”
Dean smiled and relaxed into Sam. He wrapped his arms around Sam to return the
hug. They stayed like that for several minutes before Dean finally spoke, “If I
go with you on your camping trip then you aren’t getting away from everything.”
Dean felt Sam shrug and say softly, “I’ve never felt the desire to get away
from you.”
++
As Dean got ready for bed that evening, Sam texted Cas. “Hey, Dean wanted to
leave me so I would pursue my dreams. Was that his other want?”
The phone dinged back a few moments later, “Yes, I am sorry Sam. Dean is more
than welcome to stay at the omega center.”
Sam couldn’t help but smile at Castiel’s generosity. He replied, “I’m not
leaving Dean. I think we worked it out.”
Sam had barely moved his phone down when he heard it ding again, “Oh, how?”
Sam watched as Dean slid into bed next to him. He texted Cas, “I am going to
see about finishing my degree online. I am also going to take my yearly camping
trip.”
Dean snuggled up next to Sam as Sam waited for Cas to reply.  When Dean draped
his arm across Sam’s abdomen Sam’s phone dinged again. “Your solo wilderness
camping trip? The one that Gabe thinks makes you insane?”
Sam chuckled and texted back, “Yeah, that one.”
Sam relaxed into Dean’s sleepy embrace and his phone dinged, “Dean’s safety is
an important thing to consider. Don’t do anything reckless. You have more than
yourself to worry about now.”
***** Pies *****
Dean wasn’t sure to make of being home during the day with Bobby and Sam not
being there. He knew where Sam was. Sam was getting enrolled for school. Sam,
as promised, was going to work on finishing his law degree. Dean didn’t
understand all of what Sam had to do, but he did know Sam had to take a few
courses locally in South Dakota and transfer them back to Stanford to get his
undergrad.
He was surprised that Sam seemed stressed about the whole process. Dean had
thought Sam would be happy but now Dean was thinking he was wrong. He wondered
if striving for things is hard. Dean didn’t know. He had always been told what
to do so he knew he never strived for anything. That sort of behavior had never
been allowed to him.
Dean was currently baking pies as he thought about things. It was close to
Thanksgiving so he was baking pumpkin pies for all of Bobby’s customers. Well,
not all of Bobby’s customers just the ones that Bobby liked and came around a
few times a year. That meant 40 pies. Dean wasn’t exactly sure where he was
going to put all of the pies to cool. He had voiced that concern to Bobby who
was currently working on a solution.
Dean had two pies in the oven. The next two batches of filling were in the
refrigerator along with 38 pie crusts neatly placed in their pans separated by
parchment paper. The kitchen was clean so now all he had to do was wait. Dean
looked in Bobby’s office while he was waiting. He had never ventured in here
without Sam being home.
Bobby was setting up a couple foldaway tables on one side of the room. Dean
watched but didn’t say anything as Bobby got the tables set up without too much
of a problem. Then Bobby quickly wiped down the tables and turned around. Bobby
was surprised to see Dean standing there and he guessed Dean caught that by the
way, the boy recoiled away from him.
Bobby shook his head to get the look of surprise off of his face. He smiled at
Dean and nervously said, “How are you doing, Dean?”
Dean’s response was flat and to Bobby, it sounded a little forced. “Fine,
Bobby. Thank you, Bobby.”
Bobby hated how Dean would barely talk to him and the boy never opened up to
him about anything. He knew that he had said some things in the past about Dean
when he let his anger get the best of him that caused Dean to put up his walls
in front of him. Bobby knew he could do more to get close to Dean. He knew he
should do more to get closer to Dean because if god forbid something ever
happened to Sam, Bobby knew he would have to take care of Dean.
Bobby gave him an uneasy smile and asked politely, “How are the pies coming?”
Dean looked down and avoided looking at Bobby in the face. This was another
thing Bobby wished he could stop Dean from doing, but he also knew that Sam had
trouble getting Dean to make eye contact sometimes. Dean’s voice was a little
uneasy, which Bobby’s mind supplied was because he was getting interrogated.
“Good, Bobby. I should be done with baking all of the pies in a little less
than 19 hours…. Thank you, Bobby.”
Bobby stared at Dean for a moment. When he had suggested that Dean could make
pies for his customers. He did not mean to make all of the pies in one day. He
knew explaining that to Dean would be next to impossible but he decided he
should at least try. Kindly he said, “You know, you don’t have to bake all of
those pies today. You can work on them tomorrow, so you’re not up all night.”
Dean kept his head down as Bobby talked and fidgeted. Bobby knew Dean was
uneasy and he knew this body language. This was Dean when he was scared of
doing something to upset Sam or thought he had already done something to upset
Sam. Bobby didn’t want this situation to escalate without Sam here to calm Dean
down. Bobby smiled and said, “I am sure you and Sam will work out if it is
going to be an all-nighter or not.”
Dean nodded and said quietly, “Yes, Bobby. Thank you, Bobby.” Then Dean
retreated back into the kitchen. Bobby let out a slow breath and wondered how
he was ever going to get through to that boy.
++
By the time Sam finally got home, six pumpkin pies were cooling on the table
and two more were in the oven. Dean was in the kitchen mixing up the filling
for the next two pies when Sam walked in the room. Sam smiled at Dean and
asked, “So how is the pie baking going?”
Dean shrugged, “It is going well. After the pies in the oven, I have 32 left.”
Sam stared at Dean for a moment because just hearing Dean say that made Sam
feel overwhelmed. He shook it off and let the excitement of his day show.
“Great. I got enrolled and I should be able to get done with my undergrad in a
year. I should be able to finish my undergrad online. Then I should be able to
start applying to law school and we’ll see where we end up.”
Sam saw a look of confusion on Dean’s face before his brother turned back to
mixing the filling. Dean was nervous when he spoke, “So.. um, do you think you
won’t be able to do law school online or around here?”
Sam gave Dean a smile, “Law school is graduate school and I have to pass the
Bar to even be able to practice law. I think it will be better to do in a
classroom, so we will just have to see. I want to go to school around here and
if that doesn’t work out we will just come up with a plan B together…I am not
moving anywhere without you or anywhere that could put you in danger.”
Dean tensed a little. He had asked for Sam to pursue this and now he was
dealing with the implications of that. The whole college thing didn’t make much
sense to Dean. Of course, the public schools Sam went to as a child didn’t make
sense to him either. He couldn’t figure out why halfway through they gave all
the kids 8 different teachers and took away their recess. He wondered if
college was like that somehow. Dean didn’t know, though because he never went
to school.
Dean let his mind wander a little more when he thought about how Sam would
support himself at college with him. He knew that at Stanford Sam had a job and
here with Bobby the salvage business supported them. But not being here and Sam
being busy with his coursework, Dean wondered what that meant for him. He felt
his breathing start to quicken and he stopped stirring the filling. He gripped
his hands on the sides of the counter and tried to calm himself down.
Dean knew he was overreacting. But he couldn’t stop the fear and the panic
budding up in his chest. His mind was racing. Surely, Sam wouldn’t do that. Sam
wouldn’t be like Dad. Sam wouldn’t use him so he could make money and do what
he wants. Suddenly, Dean felt like he couldn’t breathe and the world was going
fuzzing. His inner dialog changed to what he was really thinking deep down. Sam
was going to be exactly like Dad. Sam is an alpha. Alphas take what they want
and he had asked the alpha to take.
Dean felt arms around him and he felt himself get lowered to the floor.
Something warm and safe was wrapped around him. He could hear talking but he
couldn’t quite make out the words. The voice was distant but it was soothing.
Dean focused on the voice and he felt drawn to it through his haze. Eventually,
he realized it was Sam’s voice he was hearing. It was Sam holding him on the
floor of the kitchen.
He listened to Sam’s voice. Sam was worried. “Dean, please calm down.
Everything is okay. You’re safe. No one is going to hurt you.”
Dean listened to Sam repeat the same words over and over again like it was
broken record. Finally, Dean opened his eyes and he realized he must have
started crying at some point. He watched, still in something of a daze, as Sam
carefully wiped his tears away. Dean slowly started to take deep breaths and
refocused on the present. He managed to stutter out, “Sorr.. Sorry, Alpha.”
Sam leaned down and kissed Dean. He held Dean in his arms as Dean’s breathing
started to even out. Sam spoke softly and with a kindness Dean could never
comprehend. “I take it you don’t like the idea of moving. That is fine with
me.”
Dean stared at Sam for a moment as he thought. The fear of having those things
happen to him again terrified him. He didn’t understand how it was so easy to
accept at the time but now just thinking about it left him incapable of
functioning. Dean felt bad when he listened to what sounded like Sam give up on
his dreams again for him. He knew he was a burden. Dean’s voice was a little
horse when he tried to speak again. “What if you don’t get into law school
around here?”
Sam shrugged and smiled at Dean. Sam knew he would have to start applying soon
and he had a good reason for taking a leave from college. Taking on an omega
was always regarded as the acceptable cause. He doubted he would have much of a
problem getting into any law school he wanted because his GPA was perfect. But
he still harbored a little self-doubt which he foolishly shared with Dean and
caused Dean to panic. Sam knew that here with Bobby was probably the longest
Dean had ever been in one place since their mother died and they were starting
to build a life here. Sam could understand Dean not wanting to leave.
Sam lightly started brushing his hand through Dean’s hair as he thought about
something reassuring to tell Dean. Finally, he said, “If I don’t get in on the
first try. I will just reapply next year. I may get a job at a law firm as an
assistant or something to get experience while I try to get accepted. I’m not
worried about it.”
Dean smiled a little at Sam’s plan. Still, he wondered where he would be if Sam
was at school or work. He remembered what his father did with him when he was
away. He wondered if Sam would start to do the same thing. Hesitantly, Dean
asked, “What will you do with me when you’re at class?”
Sam smiled and said thoughtfully, “Well, you can stay here with Bobby or you
can go down to the omega rights center and hang out. Either way, I will make
sure you’re safe. You are my first priority.”
Dean thought about that for a moment and he still didn’t get it. He didn’t
understand how he would be safe without Sam. Bad things always happened when
his father left him in someone else’s care so Dean figured the same thing would
happen with Sam. Quietly Dean said, “Am I going to have to do those… things?”
Sam gave Dean a confused look as he tried to figure out what things Dean was
talking about. Slowly Sam said, “I don’t understand, Dean.”
Dean swallowed hard. He didn’t want to have to explain this. He couldn’t even
bring himself to think the words right now. He stammered around his response
and avoided Sam’s eyes. “When Dad left me with someone else.. I was.. I was
expected to obey them… They did things to me.”
It clicked with Sam then. He understood what Dean was talking about. Dean was
afraid of being hit or raped or God knows what else the alphas his father left
Dean with did. Sam cringed a little when he thought about how their father did
the same thing to Dean. Carefully, Sam said, “Dean, you don’t have to obey
anyone. I don’t even get upset when you don’t obey me. However, if you’re with
Bobby or at the omega center and someone tells you to do something and you
don’t want to tell them I said you can’t. Then call me. I promise you, Dean, no
one is going to hurt you again.”
Dean looked away and took in Sam’s words. Sam had told him he did not have to
listen to other alphas and betas before. He had always obeyed Sam because it
kept him safe. Still, Dean remembered the alpha that tried to take him from the
salvage yard. He also remembered trying to fight off the alphas who hurt him
when he was with his father before he just stopped fighting. Dean knew he
didn’t stand a chance against an alpha. It was barely a whisper when Dean
spoke, “They can make me obey.”
Sam felt sick with this words and the implications it held. He wished he could
just make Dean’s pain go away but for now, Sam settled with the idea of working
on getting Dean to trust Bobby and Cas a little more.
++
Sam was busy packing while Dean baked pies. He planned on leaving the following
afternoon. The house smelled really good and with Thanksgiving being the last
holiday of the year Sam had doubts about running off on a camping trip the
weekend before. Sam knew they would be back in time to celebrate as a family,
so he guessed that was all that mattered.
They were going to Lebanon Kansas. It had the largest omega friendly camp in
the area and the Omega Rights Foundation even approved it. That was good enough
for Sam. He wasn’t too worried about Dean being treated poorly. Given the time
of year, he doubted many people would be there.
The main thing Sam was concerned about was the weather. He didn’t want Dean to
get cold. Sam pulled out his camping gear from college. He was loading
everything into his car when Gabe pulled up.
Gabe got out of his car with a broad smile on his face, “Sammy! I brought you
warmth.” He reached into his car and pulled out a tent heater and walked over
to Sam with it. Gabe handed it to Sam and asked a little seriously, “Are you
sure you don’t want to borrow my RV? It will be more comfortable.”
Sam shook his head no and said firmly, “It is not a camping trip if we stay in
an RV.”
Gabe rolled his eyes, “Sure, it is. An RV is a camper trailer and besides I
just gave you a heater for a tent. Aren’t you supposed to use a campfire for
heat?”
Sam rolled his eyes at that. His voice softened a little, “I just want to make
sure Dean is okay.” Gabe gave Sam a knowingly look as to say he wasn’t fully
convinced. Sam changed the subject and asked out of curiosity, “Why do you have
an RV?”
Gabe stuck out his bottom lip and shrugged, “I do a traveling magic show. I
like having my own love shack to take the ladies back too.” Gabe paused and
looked around before leaning into a whisper to Sam. “I also don’t have to worry
about anyone getting into my stash of candy.” Then he winked at Sam.
Sam took a deep breath and said, “Thank you, Gabe, for letting me borrow the
heater. I am certain Dean and I will be fine without your love shack.”
Gabe looked slightly offended but then he started laughing. “Hey, I will wash
the sheets before I hand over the keys. Just think about it and if you change
your mind let me know.” Gabe looked around and clapped his hands. “So where is
Dean? I wouldn’t want to stop by without saying hi to him.”
***** Camping Part 1 *****
Dean and Sam ended up pulling an all-nighter to finish the pies. They watched
some of Bobby’s old movies while the pies baked. Sam fell asleep on the sofa
sometime after midnight. He woke up with Dean’s gentle nudging around 6 AM when
all the pies were done. Then Sam and Dean made their way up to their room and
went to sleep.
Bobby had offered to package up and deliver the cooled pies the following day
which was fine with Sam. He didn’t really want to take Dean around to drop off
a pie and have someone be a dick to Dean because he is an omega. He also wanted
to get on the road to start their getaway. Sam had set their alarm for 10 AM.
After he took into account the early sunset, Sam decided it would be better to
get on the road by 11 AM. That should put them at the camp shortly before 5.
As planned Sam woke up with his alarm clock at 10 AM. Dean was sound asleep
next to him and Sam decided to let Dean sleep while he got ready. Sam wandered
downstairs and saw Bobby boxing up all the pies. He smiled at Bobby and
gestured towards the pies. “Dean was up until 6 baking. I tried to stay up with
him but I failed.”
Bobby frowned at Sam and said in a matter a fact tone, “You shouldn’t have put
it on him to bake all the pies in one day.”
Sam rolled his eyes and said flatly, “Bobby, we used to stay up all night doing
things together all the time.” Bobby glared a challenge at Sam. Sam shrugged
and started listing, “The year you made me go Black Friday shopping with you.
Our deer hunting trips. You were a chaperone at my prom and after prom because
you wanted to make sure I behaved. Dean’s birthday, every year you would sit
outside with me and we would watch the stars all night while I rambled about
how I missed my brother. You even came to Pal Alto for Dean’s birthday after I
left for college.”
Bobby held up his hands in defeat. He let go of a long breath and said, “Okay
you’re right, just make sure Dean gets enough rest today. Camping doesn’t
exactly bring the most restful sleep.”
Sam balked at Bobby and crossed his arms. “Yes, it does. The air is fresh. You
can hear nature. It’s perfect.”
Bobby shook his head and said sarcastically, “For normal people, Sam.”
Sam narrowed his eyes on Bobby for a moment before he finally relented. “Fine.”
Bobby walked past Sam and into his office. He came back a moment later with a
box of ammunition. He shoved it in Sam’s hand. He spoke firmly, “Take your gun
with you and keep it loaded. You never know what could be out in those woods.
You worry me sick when you run off and do this.”
Sam gave Bobby a grateful smile and said softly, “We’ll be fine.”
Bobby stared at the ammo for a moment and then took in Sam’s face. Sam was
happy, Bobby thought. Still, Bobby spoke with concern, “Just stay safe, Sam.
And keep your brother safe. He doesn’t need any more horror stories.”
Sam nodded and mumbled, “We will, Bobby.” Then he turned to leave so he could
finish getting ready. Sam stopped and turned around at the base of the stairs.
He had a thoughtful look on his face, “Bigfoot… We stayed up all night in
Montana looking for big foot.”
Bobby threw a wad of paper at Sam and said with a smile, “Shut up, you idjit.”
++
The drive to Lebanon was uneventful. Sam let Dean sleep on the drive which Sam
didn’t mind. It did give him memories of childhood when they would both be
sitting in the backseat of the car while their Dad drove them to his next hunt.
Sam remembered that he used to sleep on the long road trips with his head on
Dean’s lap. He remembered Dean would lightly run his fingers through his hair
and sometimes, Sam even caught Dean smiling.
Sam found their campsite easily enough. It was pretty deep into the campgrounds
which were what he wanted. The park ranger warned Sam on the way in that
sometimes feral humans were spotted but they never bothered anyone. Sam
internally cringed at that when he thought about how many of them his father
had killed. After Sam parked the car, he set forth on setting up the tent.
It took him and Dean about 10 minutes to put the tent up. Then Sam threw down
the bed mats on the floor of a tent along with the sleeping bags, blankets, and
pillows. Sam then stepped inside the tent and carefully zipped two sleeping
bags together. He put a couple blankets down on top of the mats and then tossed
the sleeping bag on top. He then put another blanket on top of the sleeping bag
for good measure. Sam carefully positioned the pillows at the open end of the
sleeping bags.
Sam stepped out of the tent to see Dean staring at him with a confused look on
his face. Dean was fiddling with his leash. It was attached to his collar but
the end of it was tucked into his front pocket. Sam had put it on just in case
someone came around. The camp didn’t have a policy stating that omegas had to
be on leashes but it was recommended for their safety.
Sam shrugged at Dean and said happily, “You look confused, Dean.”
Dean stared blankly at the tent for a few moments before he answered, “Where
are you going to sleep?”
Sam gave Dean a confused look before stating clearly, “In the tent with you.”
Dean looked at Sam in the eyes. Dean spoke with a carefully and slowly, which
was something Sam had not heard from Dean before. “You are going to sleep on
the ground, outside, of your own free will?”
Sam nodded at Dean and said reassuringly, “Yes Dean, it’s relaxing.”
Dean gave Sam a face which Sam could only take to mean Dean believed he had
gone mad. But Dean didn’t say anything like that. Instead, he broke eye contact
and said to the ground, “Whatever pleases you, Alpha.”
Sam walked over to Dean and placed his hands on Dean’s hips pulling his brother
forward. Once their hips were together, Sam ran a hand up Dean’s chest and said
to him quietly, “Why don’t you believe me?”
Dean glanced up at Sam before resting his head on Sam’s shoulder and looking
off into the distance. He took in Sam’s scent because he felt like the outdoors
was making him lose it. Dean was a little distant when he spoke, “I’ve slept on
the ground most of my life, Sam. It’s not relaxing.”
Sam kissed Dean on the top of the head and whispered, “I guess, I will just
have to prove to you that camping is different.” Sam pulled back from Dean and
said happily, “We need to go gather some firewood.”
+++
Dean wasn’t sure what to make of this whole camping thing. It was less
comfortable than the life he had started to grow accustomed to back in South
Dakota with Sam and Bobby. Starting a fire was interesting in Dean’s book given
the amount of lighter fluid Sam used and sitting by the fire wasn’t exactly
comfortable. The heat of the fire made his collar uncomfortably warm if he sat
too close and even when he moved away the collar would retain the heat for a
short time. Then he would be too far away from the fire and catch a chill from
the cool air.
He didn’t say anything to Sam about it. Sam seemed to be having a good time
watching the fire and adding more sticks to it. It looked like there wasn’t
anything else Sam would rather be doing in the world. Dean didn’t really
understand why any alpha would want to do this. He was trying to keep an open
mind and enjoy this with Sam but he was just having trouble grasping the why.
Dean was watching the fire calm down when Sam reached out and touched his leg.
He turned to look at Sam and Sam pulled Dean in for a kiss. It was a deep
passionate kiss from Sam that completely caught Dean off guard. It took him a
moment to relax into the kiss. He didn’t want his alpha to think he was
rejecting him or not interested.
Dean hesitantly returned Sam’s kiss. He was never really 100% sure if he is
supposed to just remain submissive and still or if he was supposed to be an
active participant.  Dean has never seen protests or desire from Sam one way or
the other. The only thing he noticed is that when he isn’t actively involved,
Sam would start to ask him every 20 seconds if everything is okay or if he
should stop.
As Dean slipped his tongue into Sam’s mouth, he felt Sam unzipping the front of
his coat. He felt the cool autumn air rush against his chest. He felt himself
shiver with his tongue still exploring Sam’s mouth. Dean pulled his tongue back
and Sam pulled his body close. He could feel the warmth of Sam’s body on his as
Sam started to kiss down the side of his neck. Sam’s hands went under his coat
and shirt, lightly touching his skin.
He tried not to feel cold as the cool breeze whipped through the trees and cut
through him. Despite Sam being so close, the cool air found its way right into
his open coat. Dean felt himself fighting off a shiver. He had to hold his body
still to do it, but he knew the shiver is going to win. As he shivered he
pulled back from Sam pleading, “Alpha please.”
That was enough to get Sam to stop and realize Dean was cold. He had known
omegas got cold easily and he felt foolish for overlooking it. Sam removed his
hands from Dean and closed up his brother’s coat. He looked toward the tent and
said, “Sorry Dean. We should go inside the tent to warm up.”
They moved inside the tent quickly. Sam zipped closed the tent and turned on
the heater. It was cool inside the tent and he could see Dean shivering. Sam
moved toward Dean and said, “Kick your shoes off and get inside the sleeping
bag.”
Dean did as he was told and Sam joined him. Then Sam pulled Dean close as his
brother shivered. He whispered in Dean’s ear, “We need to get out of some of
these clothes. It will help you warm up faster, okay?”
Dean nodded then he said quietly, “Yes, Sam.” He started to reach to pull off
his coat but Sam’s hand stopped him. He lowered his hand and curled into
himself as he shivered. He was confused and he didn't know what Sam wants. Dean
felt and heard Sam behind him taking off his clothes.
After a few moments, Sam said quietly, “You’re okay, Dean. I just didn’t want
any more cool air to get on you while I got undressed.”
Dean felt Sam’s arms around him pulling off his coat gently and unhooking the
leash. He let Sam manipulate his body because he wasn’t sure how to respond to
this. Dean felt Sam unbutton and take off his over shirt. Then he felt Sam work
his pants off. He felt Sam push his body against his and Dean felt the warmth
of Sam’s body. He started to warm up in Sam’s arms and he hid his face in the
blankets. Dean was a little surprised that neither one of them were naked. He
thought for sure that was where this was headed.
++
They fall asleep with Sam holding on to Dean. Sam woke up early like he always
did on his camping trips. He likes to watch the sunrise. He gently woke Dean
and smiled at him. “Hey Dean, wake up. You’re going to miss the sunrise.”
Dean looked at Sam for a moment as his eyes focused. He still did not
understand how this camping thing was relaxing. Last night was the worst
night’s sleep he had in a long time. His dreams were nightmares of his past of
being on the cold hard ground. Forgotten until someone wanted to hurt him and
if he was lucky given something to eat.
The only things that kept Dean sane through the night were the fact that he was
actually warm most of the time. He only woke up a couple times with a chill.
Sam holding him helped too. It let him know he wasn’t alone. In some ways, last
night reminded him of when he was a small child. No one aside from his mother
ever held him all night on the ground or floor to sleep.
Dean got out of the sleeping bag and got dressed, as Sam had asked. As he
stepped out of the tent, Sam was rebuilding the fire and he could start to see
the sunrise through the trees. Dean watched Sam for a few moments before Sam
worked his magic and the fire was roaring. Then Sam sat down and patted the
spot next to him for Dean to join him. Dean sat down next to Sam and tucked his
hands in his coat.
Sam was silent as the sun rose on the horizon. To Sam, this was one of the most
beautiful things in the world. It was existence and it symbolized a new start
to a new day. Sam could feel his stress of the past few months leaving him. To
him, this was perfect especially with Dean by his side.
Once the sunrise was complete, Sam turned to Dean and asked quietly, “That was
perfect. Did you like it, Dean?”
Dean looked at Sam with confusion. Sitting outside on a damp morning in the
cold with a fire that is never a comfortable distance away was not exactly
perfect in Dean’s book. He could see the beauty in the sunrise, but he also
knew he could do this from inside a house or even at the salvage yard. He
didn’t understand what made this so special. Dean muttered a reply to Sam, “I
don’t understand this camping thing. I’m sorry, Sam.”
Sam smiled at Dean and patted him on the leg. He happily said, “Oh come on
Dean, it is peaceful out here.” Sam looked at Dean and saw that his brother was
not convinced. He sighed, “Well, I guess I will just have to work on you.”
 
***** Camping Part 2 *****
After breakfast, Sam decided that a morning hike would be fun. Dean wasn’t sure
what to think when they started on a trail. It was a long trail that looped
around the camp. Dean’s mind supplied that it was a trail to nowhere. The trail
was wooded but not densely so and the trees were significantly smaller than the
woods from up north.  
Dean wondered about that as they wandered down the path. He looked over at Sam
and saw that his brother was happy. It relaxed Dean a little to see his brother
happy. He wasn’t sure how he felt about a camping trip making Sam happy, but it
certainly wasn’t the worst thing in the world.
About a mile into the trail, Sam stopped and leaned up against a rock. He
smiled at Dean. “Have you ever been hiking, Dean?”
Dean shrugged as he thought about it. He had technically walked for miles in
the wilderness before. But that was the one time his dad tried to use him as
bait. Dean remembered being more than grateful that plan didn’t work. It spared
him from being bait on subsequent hunting trips. Dean was a little hesitant
when he spoke, “No, not like this.” It was technically true.
Sam frowned at Dean and wondered what he meant by that. He decided not to pry.
He didn’t need Dean having bad memories flooding him when they were trying to
get away from everything. Instead, Sam leaned forward and gently pulled Dean
close until Dean was standing in between Sam’s legs. Sam ran a hand through
Dean’s hair to the back of his neck. Then he pulled Dean in for a kiss.
Dean leaned into Sam and wrapped his arms around Sam as they kissed. It was
nice. Eventually, Sam pulled back from Dean and whispered in Dean’s ear. “This
afternoon when we get back to camp. Do you want to make love?”
Unsure of what else to do, Dean nodded his head yes. He wasn’t entirely sure
what Sam meant but he was slowly beginning to realize that Sam wasn’t going to
hurt him.
They started walking along the trail again after that. Neither one of the said
much. They both just took in their surroundings. When they came upon a small
pond, Dean saw a young woman at the pond filling a large water container. He
quickly put a hand out to grab hold of Sam. His fingers grasped hold of Sam’s
arm causing his alpha to turn and look at Dean in confusion.
Sam scanned the area before saying anything and he saw the girl. He immediately
pulled the end of Dean’s leash out of Dean’s pocket and took hold of it with is
left hand. With his right hand, he pulled his gun out of his waistband. Sam
checked the clip of his gun as he moved Dean behind him.
Sam watched the girl from behind the trees. She was a feral human. Sam had seen
them up close before but it was before his father had sent him to live with
Bobby. He always remembered them as being violent and angry. This woman looked
anything but. To Sam, she appeared to be minding her own business.
He took a step back from the tree and decided to they should be on their way.
The girl wasn’t causing any problems and as far as Sam was concerned a hunter
could take her down. He wasn’t going to shoot anyone who didn’t deserve it.  
++
Charlie, the young feral woman, watched the two men from the tree line. She saw
one of them had a gun and was protecting the other one. She hated the way
society had devolved or rather how the monsters took over leaving the
unaffected portion of human society hiding in the woods. She could never
understand the gender classes they had now. They didn’t make sense to her, but
she knew it was Eve’s intention.
Eve created the perfect beast. A beast that didn’t even know it was one. Eve
created lines of monsters that were intertwined so they had to work together.
Her perfect beast took the world by storm nearly fifty years ago.
As the story goes, the alphas rose to power quickly through a plague that Eve
used the air to spread. The alphas killed all those who were not affected. The
plague killed Eve’s other creations sending them all to Purgatory. During the
first years, the alphas took the omegas as their property and treated them
cruelly.
It was one of Eve’s sick twists to make them like this. To make the alphas the
cruelest of monsters and the omegas, while monsters themselves, were weak and
fearful. The betas largely showed an indifference in the way the alphas and the
omegas interacted. But all three subsets hated those that were unaffected.
To some degree, Charlie thinks that her kind, the unaffected, are just as bad
as the monsters Eve created. She makes herself seen on purpose to draw out the
more violent alphas so they can be killed. She is also looking for the ever-
elusive male omega.
Charlie lives in a small village hidden from the eyes of the monsters by magic.
The magic keeps them safe but in Charlie’s mind, it is also a curse. It is
something that she knows makes them a little less than human as well. No one
ages once they reach adulthood. A spell is put on and renewed every year to
keep what is left of the human population intact.
After Charlie watched the young men leave, she retreated back to her village.
Charlie went to the council building where she knew the elders would be
waiting. She approached a redheaded woman and said nervously, “Josie, I think
there is a male omega here.”
Josie looked up and smiled. She clapped her hands together and said, “Really?
That is wonderful. Is he alone?”
Charlie feverishly shook her head no and said quickly, “No, there was either an
alpha or beta male with him. That one was armed. He saw me but he didn’t try to
shoot me.”
Josie asked curiously, “What did he do?”
Charlie made an awkward hand movement and said nervously, “The omega spotted me
first and told the other one… It was weird. The beta or alpha seemed like he
was protecting the omega. He pulled his gun out and watched me. He must have
decided that I meant them no harm and moved on.”
Josie nodded and said, “That’s odd.” She paused, “I will send an extraction
team for both of them later.”
Charlie looked around and leaned forward. She whispered, “What are you going to
do to them? Are you going to hurt them? I mean I’ve heard stories and I know I
only saw these guys for a moment but they don’t seem bad.”
Josie took a firm hold of Charlie’s shoulder and said with sympathy. “Charlie,
you have to understand they are monsters. They aren’t human.”
++
The remainder of the walk was uneventful, much to Sam’s relief. As they made
their way back to camp Dean asked hesitantly, “Why did you let her live?”
Sam shrugged and looked at Dean in the eyes. He sounded a little sad, “Why
would I kill someone who was only gathering water?”
Dean thought about that and it was a good question, but he knew why. He had
heard of this sort of thing before. He heard other hunters talking about it, a
decoy. Carefully as not to upset or make it seem like he was openly questioning
his alpha Dean said, “No reason Sam. I’m sorry. I heard hunters talking
sometimes about the feral humans using a scout to find their prey. I trust your
judgment.”
Sam leaned up against Dean and said quietly, “Dean, I will make mistakes and if
letting her live was a mistake, that fault is complete with me. If it was not a
mistake, then we don’t have to worry about it.”
It was warmer outside now and Sam led Dean into the tent. He zipped it closed
and Dean looked at Sam with uncertainty. That was enough to make Sam second
guess himself. It simply wasn’t his thing to force Dean into doing something he
didn’t want to do. Sam didn’t make a move towards Dean. Instead, he asked
clearly, “Is it okay if I touch you? I don’t want to do anything to you that
you’re not comfortable with.”
Dean narrowed his eyes on Sam. He didn’t understand why Sam asked him questions
like that. Sure, he wouldn’t deny Sam because Sam is his alpha. But more than
that, he liked being with Sam and he liked it when Sam touched him. If he was
honest with himself, he did feel a little unsure sometimes and sometimes he did
feel fear. His fear was always unfounded because Sam never hurt him and if Sam
thought he was in pain, he would stop. It was honestly more than Dean could
ever hope for from an alpha and it made him sad that Sam couldn’t understand
that.
Dean softened his gaze on Sam and whispered, “I trust you.” He paused and
looked around before asking awkwardly, “But.. um.. Sam, if we do this here. It
is going to get wet and gross with my slick. Should we do this someplace else?
I am okay with doing it outside or whatever. It won’t be the first time I have
been naked in public.”
Sam grimaced and then frowned. He felt himself get protective, “Dean, no one is
going to see you naked except for me. I feel better about it in here and I have
a solution.” Sam opened up his duffel and pulled out a disposable bed cover
which was made for mating with an omega on a bed. The label said it was for
simple and quick clean up. He carefully opened one up and laid it on the top
blanket.
Dean looked somewhat impressed and smiled at Sam. He carefully took off his
coat and started unbuttoning his shirt. He could feel Sam’s eyes on him. Dean
wondered briefly if he should stop or continue. He slowed his pace with the
buttons as he thought about that. He looked up at Sam, who was watching him.
Dean thought for a moment that Sam must like this, even though he didn’t
understand the appeal.
Dean finished with the buttons on his shirt and pulled it off. Then he
unceremoniously pulled off his undershirt. That got him a little moan from Sam
which stopped him. He looked at Sam and saw a bulge in his brother’s pants.
Dean thought that was odd since all he was doing was undressing.
He took off his shoes and socks next. He rubbed his feet for a moment after his
socks were off earning him another moan from Sam. Dean thought this experience
was starting to get weird but he pushed the thought aside. He undid his pants
and slowly slid them off. Dean found that taking his pants off was awkward. It
always has been for him. Pants had always been his second to the last wall of
defense against prying eyes.
But Dean didn’t feel any prying eyes here, only Sam’s eyes and Sam was liking
what he saw. Dean carefully removed his boxers. He wasn’t aroused yet and he
hoped that didn’t upset Sam. He just didn’t find taking his clothes off as
exciting as Sam did, not that he was judging his alpha in any way.
Dean looked over at Sam, who hadn’t made a move to remove his own clothes. That
didn’t really matter to Dean. He felt Sam move forward and kiss him softly on
the lips as Sam wrapped a hand around the back of his head. It felt nice. Dean
felt Sam’s other hand go down in between his legs and start playing with his
cock, bringing it to life.
They had been having sex for a while now but still anytime Sam touched him
there it set his nerves on edge. He had to constantly remind himself that Sam
wasn’t like the others and Sam wouldn’t hit him there. As he reminded himself,
Sam stroked him until he was fully hard. Then Sam pulled away and said
breathlessly, “Lay back, Dean.”
He did as he was told and he watched Sam quickly shed his clothes. Now, he
could understand what his brother was looking at, sort of. Sam had a nice body
and Dean thought he made a pretty good alpha. After Sam had undressed, he
leaned back down and stroked his hands up and down Dean’s body. Dean shuttered,
in a good way. Sam moved his hands down to Dean’s cock again and started
kissing behind Dean’s ear.
Then Sam whispered into Dean’s ear, “I want to try something with you. Do you
trust me?”
Dean looked at Sam for a moment before nodding yes and saying, “Yes Alpha
always.”
Sam smiled at Dean and kissed down his neck. Between the kisses, he said, “Tell
me if you want me to stop.” He paused and said a little sternly, “Promise me,
Dean.”
Dean nodded in anticipation. He had to catch his breath to speak, “Yes, Sam. I
promise.”
Sam smiled again and started to kiss down Dean’s chest. Dean kept his hands at
his side because he was unsure of what to do with them. He felt Sam’s kisses go
lower, down his belly and then around his cock. Dean went ridged with that. He
took a moment to relax and steady his breathing. He could hear Sam talking,
whispering, between the kisses. It was nothing but words of encouragement,
“Trust me.” “Perfect omega.”
Then Sam kissed the head of Dean’s hard cock and sucked it into his mouth. It
felt good to Dean, but it also terrified him. Never in his life had an alpha or
anyone for that matter put his dick in their mouth. Dean wasn’t sure how he
felt about that. He wasn’t sure if that part of his anatomy belonged there. He
was, after all, an omega.
But it felt good, really good. Then when Sam started to suck more of Dean’s
cock in his mouth. Dean thought it felt amazing. He had done this to alphas
plenty of times and never understood the pleasure of it. Now he got it. Dean
felt himself moan as Sam bobbed his head up and down on his dick.
As Sam started to rub Dean’s balls, Dean knew he was close. That was when
reality hit him. He was going to come, possibly in Sam’s mouth, if Sam didn’t
move. He moaned a breathy, “Sam, I am going to come. You need to stop or I am
going to.. Oh.. I am going come on you.”
Sam came off Dean’s cock with a pop and started stroking it with is hand as he
looked at Dean. Dean looked at Sam with unfocused eyes as his orgasm hit him
and he came all over his belly. Sam was not hit which Dean was silently
thankful for. He was fairly certain he would have been mortified if that had
happened in Sam’s mouth.
As Dean caught his breath, he realized that Sam was touching his body which, as
always, felt amazing. But he knew he had to work to return the favor so to
speak. Once he was sure his voice would be steady he asked, “Sam, what do you
want me to do for you? I can do the same.”
Sam smiled and kissed Dean on the lips. Dean was fairly certain he could taste
himself on Sam’s lips which were a little disconcerting. He wasn’t sure why it
bothered him so he just returned Sam’s kisses and pushed it out of his mind. He
felt Sam move his hand down to Sam’s cock. Dean nodded and started to slink
down but Sam stopped him. Sam whispered, “No Dean, just jack me off.”
Dean was confused and for some reason unknown to him felt the need to defend
his oral sex skills. It was one of the few things he had been actually trained
to do. “Sam, I can suck you off. It’s not a problem.”
Sam closed his eyes and shook his head no. He opened them a moment later and
said in a loving but firm voice, “I said no, Dean. It hurts you when you do
that and I know you are good at it. But I won’t see you in pain for my own
pleasure.” Sam reached up to his hands and gently rubbed the sides of Dean’s
face as if to make a point.
Dean understood what Sam was saying, even if he didn’t like it. He hated being
broken and sometimes he hated Sam caring that he was broken. He started to jack
Sam off with one of his hands while he traced unknown patterns in Sam’s chest
with the other. Dean felt Sam touch him up and down his sides while he stroked
Sam.
Dean felt Sam’s body start to build a knot. He moved his other hand and covered
the knot in a firm hold. He started flexing his hand around the knot as he
stroked. Then he felt Sam climax. He continued to stroke and flex his hand on
Sam’s knot until he felt it go down and Sam uttered the words, “It’s okay,
Dean. It’s enough.” Dean moved his hands away and wiped them on the bed cover.
Something told him this was only the start to a long afternoon but he thought
it was going to be a good afternoon. 
***** Camping Part 3 *****
Dean had a good afternoon with Sam in the tent. It felt amazing and Sam didn’t
hurt him which made Dean happy. It was an odd feeling for Dean not to have to
worry about getting hurt but he was starting to like it. He wished he knew how
to thank Sam for that but somehow the right words could never form in his
mouth.
It was evening now and they had just watched the sunset. Dean believed it to be
just about as interesting as the sunrise earlier in the day. The stars were
just starting to come out in the sky and Sam had a lantern sitting on the
picnic table in their camping area. Dean sat by the light and watched Sam pull
something out of the trunk of the Impala.
Finally, Sam wandered his way over to Dean holding a box. He smiled at Dean and
sat down across from his brother as he sat the box on the table. Sam opened up
the box. It was a board game. Dean looked at the game and looked at Sam for a
moment. He had played board games with Sam when they were kids. But that was a
distant memory for him. He remembered that Sam’s favorite game was Scrabble.
Dean smiled when realized that was the game Sam was setting up. He took his
letters from Sam and arranged them on the little holder. Dean was a little
nervous about playing with Sam. He knew he wasn’t as smart as Sam and spelling
had never been his strong point. Dean frowned when he thought about that but
then he reminded himself that his spelling wasn’t as bad as his shaky
handwriting.
Still, Dean had to warn Sam that his vocabulary had not increased over the
years. Quietly Dean said, “Sam, I don’t know how good I am going to be at this.
I am not smart like you.”
Sam gave Dean an unconvinced but understanding look. “Dean, you are smart. You
were never given the opportunities I was because you’re an omega. The world is
full of assholes that think you’re somehow something less because of your
gender… I know better, Dean. I know you’re a person like me. I also know you
are smarter than you give yourself credit for.” Sam threw his arms out and
said, “Look at what you have done, Dean. You’ve overcome. You raised me. You
taught yourself the stuff I was learning in school so you could help me with my
homework. You lived through things most people would have just curled up and
died if it was happening to them.”
Dean looked down and said quietly, “Sammy, thank you.”
Sam scrunched up his brow and asked slightly confused, “For what?”
Dean glanced up at Sam before looking back down, “For saving me, no one else
cared.”
Sam smiled but it was a little forced. He cleared his throat and said, “Okay,
how about we play this game? If you need help making words let me know and I
promise I won’t use the knowledge of your letters to cheat.”
As Sam laid the first word down to start the game he felt a prick in his neck.
He reached a hand up and pulled a small dart out his neck. Sam staggered to his
feet as his world started to shift and go fuzzy. He felt himself falling to the
ground. He was thinking he had to stay awake. He had to push through this to
protect Dean.
Sam tried pulled himself off the ground even though he was having trouble
focusing. He could make out Dean, who appeared to be unconscious. Sam took a
deep breath. He wasn’t able to stand but he pulled himself into a sitting
position. He pulled out his gun and clumsily checked the clip. It was getting
difficult to stay awake, but he was willing himself to stay in the present. He
had to. Sam looked around and didn’t see anyone. He fumbled with his phone and
called someone, he didn’t know who.
A moment later Sam heard Castiel’s voice come through is a phone, “Sam? Is
everything okay?”
Sam tried to speak but his words came out slurred, “Cas, someone drugged us… We
need help.”
Sam tried to focus on whatever it was Cas was saying but he couldn’t make out
the words. Sam knew somewhere in the back of his mind that Cas wouldn’t get
here in time, but maybe he could call for help. He hoped Cas would call for
help. Sam didn’t know who was attacking them, but through his fuzzy mind, he
knew it was to get to Dean. Everyone seemed to want to hurt Dean because he is
an omega.
Everything was starting to get a little clearer for Sam. He thought he could
see movement in the woods. Then he felt another prick in his neck. Sam put his
hand up and pulled out another dart. It was getting more difficult to stay
awake. His mind was fuzzy again but he knew he had to change tactics. Sam let
his body go limp while willing it to stay active as he waited for whoever was
attacking them to approach.
Sam heard voices, they sounded distant and fuzzy, “Ted, do you think he is
out?”
Another voice said, “I don’t know how he could not be. That was twice the
normal dose. I don’t know why Cuthbert insists we don’t kill them.”
The first voice said, “You know why it is that damn curiosity. One of these
days, he is just going to realize these are monsters.”
Sam heard the ground crunch next to him and he tried to lift his gun to shoot
whoever this was. But he just couldn’t lift his hand. It was too heavy. Sam
felt hands on his face and they were peeling open his eyes. He tried to
struggle against it, but it was no use. Sam felt another prick in his neck
before his world went dark.
++
By the time Castiel, Gabriel, and Bobby arrived at the campground park rangers
were already crawling around the area. Bobby was a nervous wreck. He went up to
the nearest park ranger and said quickly, “My sons were the ones camping here.
Please tell me what you know.”
The park ranger put up his hands and gave a sympathetic look. He was a little
defensive when he spoke, “We think feral humans got them. We had spotted some
over the past few months but they never harmed anyone. So we never called
hunters to take them out.”
Bobby felt his anger boil and he raged, “Never hurt anyone? Never hurt anyone?
They are going to kill them and this is your fault. Those boys are the only
thing I have left.”
Gabe put his arm in between Bobby and the park ranger. He was calm when he
spoke, even though his calm was nothing more than an act. “Bobby, take a
breather.” He moved in between the Bobby and the park ranger and asked, “So
where have these jackasses been spotted?”
The park ranger pointed to the trail. His voice was uneasy when he spoke,
“There have been reports of a young woman by the pond on the trail. Off the
trail about a quarter mile is a clearing. Nothing will grow there. Never has.
Some intoxicated campers have reported feral humans disappearing into thin air
in the clearing. “
Gabe nodded with a certainty that he had just landed in Crazyville. He knew
this wasn’t helping and he knew Bobby might shoot the park ranger if they
didn’t try to do something constructive. Gabe decided that they should find the
pond and go from there. He wasn’t putting much stock in the disappearing acts.
Gabe knew it would take some serious spellwork to pull that off.
Gabe pulled Bobby away from the park ranger. He led Bobby and Cas back to his
RV. Gabe went inside and came out with three shotguns and ammo. He silently
handed a shotgun and ammo to each of them. Gabe loaded his shotgun and looked
off into the woods. He knew this day was going to end bloody whether Sam and
Dean were found alive or not.
Cas looked at the gun with uncertainty. He asked cautiously, “Gabe, do you
think this could be handled without violence?”
Gabe glared at his little brother for a moment before stating firmly, “Sure
Castiel that is a great idea.” He paused and raised his voice a little, “You do
realize that if Sam and Dean aren’t dead. They are probably getting tortured by
a group of wild animals.”
Castiel rolled his eyes, “I heard the feral humans talking on the phone after
Sam dropped it. They said that someone named Cuthbert wouldn’t let them kill. I
don’t know why, but maybe we could reason with them. Instead of killing them.”
Gabe sighed, “Cas, I don’t like this. I really don’t like this any more than
you do. But what choice do we have? If Sam and Dean are dead. I am going to
kill them. All of them. If Sam and Dean are alive and we let them live. They
will just kidnap someone else and hurt them.”
Castiel nodded in understanding. He looked off into the woods and asked, “What
if they aren’t hurting Sam and Dean?”
Gabe sighed, “I doubt that but if they are just sitting around eating candy and
watching movies together. I am going to kick Sam’s ass.”
Cas gave Gabe a confused look and stated flatly, “If you hit Sam in front of
Dean. It will upset Dean.”
Gabe shook his head and walked past Cas towards the woods. He shouted back to
Cas, “You are too literal, Castiel. Come on, we are burning daylight.”
Castiel stumbled forward and said, “Gabe, the sun isn’t up yet.”
++
Dean’s head hurt when he came too. Everything was fuzzy and the first thing he
noticed was he couldn’t smell Sam. Dean looked around to see where he was and
it wasn’t familiar to him. The walls were yellow with age. He could see medical
tools off to the side. Dean wasn’t sure what those were for. He tried to move
but he found he was strapped down to a table. His ankles were bound along with
his wrists. There were straps going across his chest and legs keeping him from
arching upwards.
Dean whimpered as fear overtook him. He wanted his alpha. The last thing he
remembered was they were starting to play a game then the blackness came. Dean
didn’t know how he ended up here, but he didn’t smell any alphas, betas, or
omegas here. He knew he was taken by something else.
He felt himself start to panic as fear for what could happen in the present hit
him and fear of what happened in the past started to seep in. Sam was gone. He
was going to be hurt again. Even if he did get out of here. If he escaped
without Sam, his life would go back to being what it was like before or worse.
Dean felt unfamiliar hands on him when he felt like he couldn’t breathe.
Dean looked to see who was touching him to see a pretty redhead. She was gently
stroking his arm and had a hand on the side of his face. Her voice was like she
was talking to a small child. “Shh.. calm down. It’s okay. We aren’t going to
hurt you.”
Dean heard an irritated voice in the background, “Josie, you know they say
omegas can’t speak or understand anything beyond basic commands. He probably
has no idea what you’re saying.”
Josie glared back at him, “Henry, shut up and show some compassion.”
Henry gave a bitter chuckle, “Josie, if you had family and if you got to watch
your family turn into that, you would understand. I don’t know why Cuthbert
insists on doing these experiments. They always fail and we have to clean up
the mess.”
Josie softened her gaze and looked at Dean’s eyes as she spoke, “Wouldn’t it be
nice to know there is something in them, though? Something to make them human
and less of a monster?”
Henry sighed and walked forward. He put a comforting hand on Josie’s shoulder,
“I wish there was but you’ve seen the scars on his body. That alpha in the cell
is the one that did that to him. Tell me, what is it that makes you think he
isn’t a monster?”
Dean looked at the two feral humans standing before him as he tried to make
sense of their words and what exactly Sam’s orders would be in this situation.
Sam wasn’t responsible for the scars on him. Sam had also never given any
instruction on how to handle feral humans. His father had given him
instruction, though. John had told Dean to remain silent and wait.
Dean took a deep breath and decided to talk because usually, Sam wanted him to
do the opposite of whatever it was his father wanted. His voice was a little
shaky. He was still coming down from his mild panic attack. “Sam didn’t hurt
me. Sam has never hurt me.”
Josie looked at Dean in confusion. “You can speak?”
Henry rolled his eyes and took a step back, “So the alpha taught his pet some
parlor tricks.”
Dean shuddered before he spoke again, “Sam didn’t teach me how to speak. All
omegas can speak. They are typically not allowed to speak to anyone who isn’t
their alpha.”
Josie nodded and gave Henry a look telling him to be quiet. She spoke in a
questioning tone, “Is Sam the name of the alpha you were with?”
Dean said a weak, “Yes.” He felt a few tears escape his eyes because he wanted
Sam right now.
Josie asked, “Why are you talking to me?”
Dean took a deep breath and said shakily, “Sam doesn’t care who I talk too.
He.. He tries to treat me as his equal.”
Henry sounded exasperated when he spoke from the corner of the room, “Equals?
Is that why he had you on a leash?”
Dean sighed and looked away, “Sam doesn’t like the leash. He never has. He only
puts it one when he thinks someone might try to hurt me or if I ask him too.
It.. It helps me feel safe.”
Henry shook his head. He didn’t understand Dean. He had an edge to his voice
when he asked, “Okay fine, how did you get all those scars?”
Dean swallowed hard and looked over at Henry, “My dad, John.”
Henry threw up his arms and said tiredly, “See Josie, this is what I mean. His
father tortured him and probably screwed him.” Henry then left the room in a
haste.
Josie smiled down at Dean and said softly, “I wouldn’t worry about him. You are
safe here.”
Dean stared at her for a moment before asking, “My alpha, Sam.. Please, I don’t
want to be away from him.”
Josie frowned at Dean and said quietly, “Shh… it will be okay.” She moved a
hand down to Dean’s collar and started turning it when she noticed some wording
on it. Her blood ran cold when she read Omega of Samuel Winchester. His Dean.
Josie took a step away and whispered, “No.”
***** The Search *****
Josie ran down the hallway to catch Henry. She shouted at him, “Henry wait.”
Henry was aggravated but turned around. He let out a long breath and asked
tiredly, “What Josie?”
Josie grabbed hold of Henry’s arm and looked him in the eye. “The alpha that
they caught. He has the same last name as you. Do you think he could be related
to you?”
Henry rolled his eyes and sighed, “Look, Josie, I know you want to make me
believe that I still have family out there but I don’t. I saw them change.
There was no way John survived. My son was screaming in his bed. I should have
taken John with me when I went to get the antidote.”
Josie stared at him for a moment and asked, “But you left before you knew for
sure he was dead?”
Henry sighed again and said firmly, “He was dead in every way that mattered.”
Josie nodded and asked a little hesitantly, “You know what they are doing to
that alpha right? The one that omega said hasn’t done anything. The one that
didn’t hurt Charlie when he was given a chance. That man could be your blood.”
Henry turned and walked away from Josie. He walked over to the holding cells.
They were all empty except for one. Inside the cell, there was a man with dark
shaggy hair. Henry thought he was tall. The man had his hands tied to a hook in
the ceiling and someone had taken his shirt off. Henry could see bruises
forming where the man had been hit and blood dripping down from his mouth.
Henry could see the man tracking him with his eyes and even though he knew the
alpha was restrained it made him nervous. Still, he unlocked the door to the
cell and walked in. Henry watched as the alpha lifted his head and said weakly,
“Please, we don’t mean you any harm. Just let us go.”
Henry ignored the man’s plea and asked bluntly, “What is your name?”
Sam spit out the blood-forming in his mouth on the floor away from Henry. Then
he looked at Henry through his bangs. His voice was weak, “Sam Winchester.”
Henry nodded and asked, “What is the name of your father and grandfather?”
Sam sighed and looked up at the ceiling. He knew this wasn’t good. The last
thing he needed was to not only get kidnapped by feral humans but to get
kidnapped by feral humans who had a bone to pick with his father. Sam coughed
before answering, “What does it matter? My father is nothing to me.”
Henry nodded and asked, “Is Winchester your father’s last name or someone
else’s?”
Sam coughed again and his chest felt tight from getting hit. He didn’t care
what they did to him as long as they left Dean alone. Slowly Sam said, “Yes,
Winchester is my father’s last name.” He paused and relented, “My father was
John Winchester. My grandfathers were Samuel Campbell and Henry Winchester.”
Henry asked carefully, “What do you know about your grandfathers?”
Sam tried to focus on the feral human in front of him to figure out what was
with all the family questions. He decided to play along. At least they weren’t
asking him repeatedly where his children were. He didn’t know how many more
times he could tell them he doesn’t have kids.  Sam coughed and felt the blood
pool in his mouth. He spit it out before he responded. “Samuel Campbell sold my
mother to my father. That is all I know about him.” Sam paused and tried to
take a deep breath. It felt like he couldn’t get enough air. “Henry Winchester
didn’t evolve in the plague. John said he ran away like a coward to hide in the
woods.”
Henry asked carefully, “Why don’t you call John dad?” He decided not to address
John’s opinion of him being a coward.
Sam gave a bitter laugh. It caused him to start coughing and gasping for air.
Once Sam felt like he could talk he said, “You people are torturing me. You’ve
probably killed my brother and you want to know why I call my father by his
first name?”
Henry walked over to the corner of the cell and picked up a towel. He carefully
wiped down Sam’s face and put a hand on his chest. He looked up at Sam and said
with concern. “You’re having trouble breathing.” He paused, “If I let you down.
Will you promise not to hurt me?”
Sam looked up at him and thought he had gone mad. But Sam knew this man was
unarmed and he could smell other men nearby. It was too many for him to take
out by himself. Sam silently nodded at the man. He felt his arms get released.
Then he felt the man help ease him to the floor. Sam felt the man rub his
wrists gently to get the blood flow going.
Sam didn’t understand why this man was being nice to him. But he didn’t really
care. He just wanted to get back to Dean. Sam took a couple of deep breaths and
asked, “If I tell you what you want to know. Will you give me my omega back or
let him go? Please don’t hurt him. You can do whatever you want to me, just
please don’t do this to him.”
Henry nodded and said confidently, “No one has hit the omega. He is scared and
asking for you. I will see what I can do.”
Sam nodded in understanding. He made eye contact with the man and started
rambling, “John is a bastard. He always has been. He was never much of a father
to me. When I was a baby some humans like you broke into our house. They were
trying to kidnap me but they ended up killing my mom. My dad gave me to my four
year old omega brother to raise on the road while he hunted down and killed
everyone like you he could find.
“When I was 12, John left me with a family friend. He kept my brother and he
did unspeakable things to him. The cops took Dean away from John and I claimed
him. Eventually, John figured out where Dean and I were and he came to get
Dean. He needed Dean to fund his hunting. He tried to kill me and hurt my
brother again.”
Henry asked clearly, “Those scars on your brother, your father did that?”
Sam shrugged and stared at the man through unfocused eyes, “Some of them, I
know some of them came from alphas my father sold Dean too… They are all John’s
fault at the very least.”
Henry nodded in understanding as a sick feeling came over him. His son grew up
to be everything they believed alphas to be. He tried not to sound judgmental
when he asked. “What is your relationship with your brother? Do you hit or
correct him?”
Sam coughed then he said, “I’ve never hit him. I would never hit him. He is too
special… I am Dean’s alpha, brother, and mate.”
Henry thought for a moment he couldn’t breathe. It was difficult to hear about
the cruel nature of his son. He had expected it when John turned. But to hear
his grandson talk about committing incest like it was nothing disturbed him. He
took a moment to catch his breath, “You are having sex with your own brother?
Is that not wrong in your society?”
Sam sighed and wrapped his arms around his waist. He was getting tired and he
just wanted Dean back. “Since Dean is an omega, it is acceptable. Technically,
Dean isn’t given a say on who he mates with. He has no rights.” Sam coughed a
little before continuing, “An alpha can rape his omega. Dean had been raped in
the past by John and others. I didn’t want to take from him and when I first
got Dean I had no intention of mating with him… Our feelings on the matter
changed. I gave Dean a choice and then I waited after he made his choice to be
sure.”
Henry spoke quietly, “He chose to have sex with you?”
Sam nodded yes. “He did. I’ve never forced myself on him. I’m not a monster,
even though you people think I am.”
+++
Gabe wandered through the woods until he found the pond. It wasn’t a large pond
and Gabe wondered if the water in the pond was even safe for drinking. He
circled around the pond until he spotted footprints along one edge. Carefully,
he followed the footprints with Cas and Bobby following close behind.
Sure enough, the footprints led to a clearing about a quarter mile from the
pond, just like the park ranger said. Gabe circled around the area with his
shotgun in his hand and sighed. He lowered his gun and started heading back to
camp.
Bobby shouted to Gabe, “Where are you going?”
Gabe turned back and said nervously, “To get some things from my RV. I’ll be
right back. I think there might be something here.”
++
Bobby and Cas remained at the clearing and waited for Gabe to return. He
returned with a small wooden box and a backpack. He sat the backpack down and
said flatly, “I brought handguns. We may need something a little easier to
handle than a shotgun.”
Gabe started pulling ingredients out of the box and putting them in a bowl.
Bobby and Cas watched him suspiciously. Finally, Cas asked nervously, “Gabe,
what are you doing?”
Gabe looked up at his brother and was focused when he spoke, “I think they are
here but they are hidden from us. It is a spell. I’ve used it once or twice on
a smaller scale with my larger audiences.” He paused. He looked up at Cas and
winked. “It impresses the ladies.”
They watched as the bowl started to smoke and Gabe recited a few words. Then
they saw a door open. They each exchanged looks before stepping inside.
Bobby saw they were standing in the middle of what looked like a small village.
He could see some children playing off to one side who didn’t notice them. He
stared at them a moment longer and realized they were feral humans. Bobby
grabbed hold of Gabe’s arm and said quietly, “They are using magic to hide from
us?”
Gabe shrugged and looked around. “It appears so.”
Cas was silent until he said abruptly, “I don’t think we should kill them. We
should find Sam and Dean then leave.”
Bobby rolled his eyes and said, “How about we wait on the killing until we have
Sam and Dean? We don’t want them to kill them if they are even still alive.”
Gabe nodded and they started to make their way through the village. It didn’t
take long for them to figure out where Sam and Dean were most likely being
kept. The village didn’t have a jail to speak of so that left their medical
building.
Bobby entered the building and they made their way down to the basement. Bobby
could hear talking and he thought he could hear Sam’s voice. He slowed his pace
as he made his way to a corridor filled with cells. He looked around the corner
and he saw a man injecting Sam with something.
Bobby didn’t have a clear shot without risking hitting Sam. He shouted, “No.”
Henry raised his head to look at where the sound came from. He cursed under his
breath. Henry stepped out of the cell with his hands up. He nervously said, “I
didn’t hurt him. He will be fine.”
Bobby moved past him and his desire to kill temporarily forgotten. He gruffly
said, “Like Hell you didn’t. Why is he beaten to hell?”
Henry sighed and lowered his hands. He was honest when he spoke, “That wasn’t
me. I swear.”
Bobby knelt down next to Sam and took Sam’s head in his hands. He noticed how
Sam couldn’t even seem to lift his head or open his eyes. He pulled Sam into a
hug and held tight. Sam was limp in his arms. He was upset when he spoke, “It’s
going to be okay, son. I am going to find your brother and we are going to get
out of here.”
Bobby pulled Sam back to look at him. Sam’s eyes fluttered open and he said
weakly, “It burns, Bobby. I think.. I think something is happening to me.”
++
Cas had never been good at staying in groups and he had a phobia of basements.
So while Gabe and Bobby went to the basement. He went upstairs. The building
was empty which he was thankful for. Slowly, Cas made his way down to the end
of the hallway and there alone inside a room was Dean.
He made his way over to Dean and noticed he couldn’t smell Dean which was odd.
Cas saw that Dean’s eyes were tightly closed and he was breathing heavy. He
started to undo the straps covering Dean’s body. After Cas had a wrist free he
noticed the injection marks on Dean’s arm.
Cas gently said, “Dean, can you hear me?”
Dean groaned and whimpered in reply. It made Cas a little uneasy. He quickly
undid the rest of the restraints and tried to help Dean sit up. Dean fell
against him and Cas was sure Sam was going to be pissed about this later. Sam
had never been particularly territorial with Dean but Dean had also never let
another alpha touch him. Cas shook his head and decided that now was not the
time to worry about Sam’s anger.
Cas firmly said to Dean, “Come on, Dean. I need your help to get you out of
here and get you back to Sam.”
Dean’s eyes fluttered open and he tried to focus on Cas. He couldn’t smell Cas
which made him wonder if this was all a bad dream but he hurt. Sam had said he
wouldn’t hurt anymore. Dean thought Sam must have lied to him. Dean weakly
said, “It burns, Cas.” Then he let his head fall against Castiel’s shoulder. 
***** Life's Not Fair *****
Sam felt like his body was burning from the inside out. He didn’t know what he
was injected with, but Bobby was here now. Sam thought Bobby could protect Dean
now since he failed. Sam didn’t know what it felt like to die but he wondered
if this was it. They say when someone is dying their life flashes before their
eyes.
He could feel Bobby holding him saying something; he didn’t know what as he
recalled his first memory.
Sam remembered jumping on a motel bed and giggling. He looked over at Dean who
was urging him to stop. He remembered his smaller self-say, “Come on, Dean!
It’s fun.”
Then he remembered the way Dean sighed and said calmly, “Sammy, you know I am
not allowed on stuff like that.”
Then he started jumping straight up and down. He started shouting, “No fair!”
as he giggled. Sam thought he even saw a smile cross Dean’s face.
No fair, Sam thought as pictures from the past flooded him. Life is no fair.
Sam remembered being 12 years old and watching his family leave from Bobby’s
front window. He remembered the tears rolling down his face because he thought
he would never see his father or brother again.
He remembered Bobby gently speaking after the lights of the Impala were gone.
“Sammy, why don’t you go up to your room and get unpacked?”
Sam remembered he was angry, upset, and lost. He turned to go up the stairs but
found himself sobbing in Bobby’s embrace. “It’s not fair.” He said. “It’s not
fair.”
It’s not fair, Sam thought as his memories continued to come. It’s not fair.
Sam was six years old and he just came home from school. He smiled at Dean and
he watched his brother scrub the floors of the house they were staying in. Sam
sat down in a chair and kicked his feet out. He tilted his little head at Dean
and asked, “What is an omega?”
Dean looked up at him briefly before looking back down, “Omegas are nothing,
Sammy. They have no rights and are used for making babies.”
Sam shrugged and stared at his feet as he kicked them out. He asked curiously,
“Are you an omega, Dean?”
Dean glanced up at Sam again before continuing to scrub. He gritted his teeth
and said in a shaky voice, “Yeah Sammy, I am.”
Little Sam stopped kicking his feet and sat down on the floor. He was careful
not to sit near where Dean was working. He tilted his head at Dean and said
sadly, “You’re something to me.”
Dean gave a shy smile briefly and then it faded, “Thanks, Sammy, but someday
you’ll realize I am nothing.”
Sam huffed out an exaggerated breath, “Yeah right Dean, Uncle Bobby says you
are a person just like me.”
Dean stopped scrubbing the floors and looked up. His eyes glistened a little
which the six-year version of Sam didn’t notice. “I wish that was true, Sammy,
but life’s not fair.”
Life’s not fair, Sam thought. Life is not fair.
Sam was eight years old and in the playground at school. He was surrounded by
little alphas about his age. They were mocking him in a shared chant. “Sammy
Boy wants to be an omega like his brother.”
Sam remembered they laughed and one of them jeered, “Ha.. Sammy, do you know
what your father is going to do with your precious brother?”
Sam stared at the alpha in stone silence. He felt his anger flare and all he
wanted to do was hurt them for talking bad about Dean. Another one answered,
“That omega is going to be bred out and dead before you’re even old enough to
vote. Omegas are trash.”
Sam heard another voice in the crowd, “Yeah Sam, why do you care so much about
it? I mean omegas don’t even have names. My dad’s omega isn’t even allowed in
the house.”
Sam turned and shoved that alpha then punched him the face. Even at the age of
eight, his father had already taught Sam how to fight. He easily overpowered
the alpha and said firmly, “My brother’s name is Dean and.. And it’s not fair
the way omegas are treated.”
Sam heard everyone laughing around him as the memory faded.
It’s not fair Sam thought again. It’s not fair.
Sam remembered being a little kid and sitting on his father’s lap. John was
speaking firmly, “Sam, you can’t go around acting like Dean is your friend, a
person, or anything special.”
Sam looked up at his father with curiosity. “Why Daddy?”
John shrugged and repositioned his grip on Sam. “Dean is an omega. He is your
servant at best… Just don’t get too attached to him, Sammy. Once he is of age,
you’ll never see him again.”
Sam felt his eyes swell up with tears and he bit down on his bottom lip. His
little voice was shaky, “Daddy?.. But Dean cares for me.”
John replied flatly, “Dean is your servant at best.”
Sam sniffled and laid his head on his father’s shoulder, “I don’t want Dean to
be my servant. I want Dean to be my brother and my best friend.”
John gave Sam a gentle hug and said quietly, “That’s not the way it works,
kiddo.”
Sam reached up a hand and grabbed hold of his father’s shirt as he tried not to
cry. He defiantly said, “That’s not fair.”
John chuckled and said with amusement as he ran a soothing hand down Sam’s
back, “Life’s not fair. You’ll understand that someday.”
Life’s not fair Sam thought as he opened his eyes. The room was hazy and Bobby
was still holding him. Sam couldn’t smell Bobby’s scent or his own. He wondered
if they were both dead in Purgatory with Eve. Sam thought it would figure that
he and Bobby would both die at the same time leaving Dean alone in the world.
He started to close his eyes again as he hoped Castiel or Gabe would care
enough to find Dean. Living at the omega rights center was better than living
in a shelter Sam figured. At least there Dean would be treated like a person.
But life’s not fair, Sam reminded himself.
Sam could hear Bobby’s voice a little better now. He wanted Bobby to be quiet
but he couldn’t form the words in his mouth. Bobby’s voice was loud and angry.
He couldn’t understand why Bobby was angry. “What did you give him?”
Sam heard another voice. He thought it was Henry’s voice but he wasn’t sure.
Sam thought Henry was a little crazy because he claimed to be his grandfather.
“I gave him the cure for alphas. He will be fine.”
Bobby raged, “Cure for what? What did you do?”
Henry held up his hands and calmly said, “It will make him human. Cuthbert said
that the cure was successful on his omega brother. This meant they were going
to make the cure airborne. It is being released at different distribution
points as we speak.”
Bobby cradled Sam in his arms as he looked to see Gabe start to cough up blood
and crouch over. He stared at Gabe for a second and asked, “What is happening
to Gabe?”
Henry took a step towards Gabe then backed away. He looked at Bobby with
sympathy, “The cure was engineered to kill alphas but cure the rest. Cuthbert
didn’t think that alphas had any redeemable qualities.” Henry paused and his
expression changed to one of worry, “I couldn’t let Sam die. He is my blood.”
Gabe started chocking on his blood as he slid down to the floor. He glanced up
at Henry and gave a half smile. “Not all alphas are bad.” He coughed blood out
on the floor as he looked around. Gabe leaned his head against the wall and
asked, “Do you have.. do you have another dose of what you gave Sam?”
Henry nodded and looked nervous. “Only one… But you came here to kills us.”
Gabe shook his head no and looked at Henry. He could feel death calling him. He
sputtered up blood and said, “I’ve never hurt or killed anyone. I only wanted
my friends back.” He coughed lightly as the blood dipped down his chin and on
his clothes. “My brother.. please save my brother.”  Gabe looked over at Sam
and gave a weak laugh, “Bobby tell Sam.. Tell Sam to look after Cas for me.
He’s an idiot sometimes.. and my entire family, we are alphas. He’ll have no
one.”
++
Henry left them in the basement and rushed up the stairs. He didn’t really know
why he was set out to save this unknown alpha. It just felt right. He saw a
dark haired man with blood on the front of his shirt clutching Dean at the base
of the stairs. Henry thought it looked like they fell down the stairs but he
knew now was not the time to ask that.
Dean looked to be in pain and that made Henry uneasy. Slowly as if he was
approaching a wild animal he walked over to them. Henry saw Castiel try to look
up at him. The young man’s eyes fluttered and he tried to speak, but no words
came out. Henry put the syringe in Castiel’s arm and injected the cure. He
pulled the needle out and watched Castiel’s body go stiff.
Henry reached out a tentative hand and ran it through Dean’s sweaty hair. He
carefully pulled Dean out of Castiel’s grasp and held his grandson in his own
arms. Dean’s eyes were still closed and his breathing was labored. He could see
a few bruises on Dean’s arms from where he guessed the boys fell down the
stairs.
He started humming Casablanca’s ‘As time Goes By’ to Dean. Henry wished for
many things as he held on to Dean. He wished he had saved John and prevented
any of this from happening. He wished that he could somehow make his two
grandsons have a relationship that was not more than brothers. Henry looked at
Dean and he thought about separating them. He knew he could easily enough.
Henry knew Josie would take Dean someplace far away from where he could forget
about his brother.
Somehow Henry knew though that wouldn’t be the right thing to do. He had heard
from Sam what John did to Dean. He knew that was the abbreviated version of
events. While he still had his doubts about Sam never hitting Dean; Henry knew
that separating them could do more harm than good. He decided that maybe with
the world going back to the way it was that maybe they could both look for
partners outside of each other. Henry knew it wouldn’t be soon, but someday.
Maybe someday.
++
Castiel started looking around the room. He could see the doors to outside and
he could see other humans. He couldn’t smell any of them and he felt different.
Cas didn’t feel strong like he felt before. He didn’t feel urges he had to push
down like he felt before. He felt uncertain and weak. He didn’t like feeling
like this.
As Cas looked around there was a redheaded woman with a stethoscope on his
chest listening to his heart. He reached up a hand and pushed it away. He
closed his eyes to try to center himself then he opened his eyes again slowly.
Cas took a deep breath and he could see Dean laying up against the wall
shaking. There was a man next to him that Cas didn’t recognize.
He was confused, to say the least. Castiel cleared his throat and tried to
overcome the fear he felt inside. He had never felt fear this strong before.
His voice came out weak and pathetic in Castiel’s opinion. “Get away from him.”
Cas felt the woman put a hand on his shoulder and say gently, “It’s okay bubby.
No one is hurting your friend over there.”
Cas tried to sit up and pull away from her. He tried to focus but his mind was
muddled with uncertainty and fear. He felt so much fear inside. He reached out
a hand towards Dean and said, “You can’t… you can’t touch him. He.. He has
panic attacks.. Only Sam can touch him.” Somewhere in Castiel’s mind, he
realized he didn’t make any sense and he quickly realized no one was listening
to him anyways.
Castiel leaned back before he mentally gathered his strength and stood. He
could see the redhead by his side with her hands out like she thought he would
fall. He looked at her for a moment before he said with confusion, “What did
you do to me?”
The woman gave a small smile, “We cured you. You’re not a monster anymore.
You’re human now.”
Castiel looked at her for a moment before he said with the most certainty he
had felt in the past few minutes, “I was never a monster. I never hurt anyone.”
Castiel looked around the room and he looked to the stairs leading to the
basement. He swallowed his fear and mumbled, “I have to find Sam.”
Castiel stumbled down the stairs to the basement. His chest felt tight with
fear but he continued forward. He hated basements. He wasn’t exactly sure of
where his fear of basements came from. But he suspected it was from when he was
a child before his father left. His older brother, Luci, was a monster and he
did bad things to omegas in the basement.
As Castiel walked through the basement he found the holding cells. On the floor
outside the cell where Bobby was cradling Sam’s body was his brother, Gabriel.
Castiel knelt down next to Gabe on the floor. His brother wasn’t moving. Gabe’s
hands hung loosely in his lap and there was blood covering his shirt and mouth.
His eyes were open but the whites of his eyes were now blood red and his hazel
eyes looked frozen.
Carefully, Castiel reached out and touched his brother. Gabe’s skin was still
warm. Cas felt around on Gabe’s neck for a pulse as panic started to grip him.
He started to say a rush of, “No, no, no.. no please God no, Gabe?.. Gabriel??”
Castiel couldn’t find a pulse on Gabe’s neck. He put a hand on his brother’s
chest and he felt that the blood on Gabe’s shirt was cool and wet to the touch.
Cas started to shake when he realized Gabe’s chest wasn’t moving.
Castiel pulled Gabe into his arms and put a hand by Gabe’s mouth and nose to
see if he could feel breathing. But he didn’t feel anything. Castiel felt
himself start to sob and shake as he held his brother. He started to murmur,
“I’m sorry, Gabe. I’m so sorry.”
***** The Scent is Gone *****
Bobby felt a brief burn inside of him, but it didn’t hurt that bad. It
certainly wasn’t whatever Sam was going through. He couldn’t smell Sam’s scent
anymore and Sam was weak. Bobby wasn’t sure what to do. They were one of them
now. They were one of the feral humans. Gabriel was dead as far as Bobby could
gather and Castiel did not seem to be taking it well. Bobby couldn’t really
blame Cas for that. Gabe was a good kid, a little weird but a good kid.
As he held Sam, Bobby wondered if it was true. If they really did just kill off
all the alphas. That would mean thousands, if not millions were dead. He
wondered how much more betas and omegas died in the process. Bobby knew most
alphas would not die quietly and add to that if the alpha was operating heavy
machinery or driving, it was a recipe for disaster.
Bobby didn’t know what the world would look like now. He didn’t know if it
would change, stay the same, or get worse. Those who were omega were already
identified and aside from the children, they weren’t brought up to function in
a free world. Bobby doubted that Dean ever could if Dean was in fact still
alive. Dean would always need someone to look after him.
Bobby didn’t know if he was a monster before when he was a beta or a monster
now as a feral human. He knew felt different. He knew he never wanted omegas to
be treated the way they were and he knew he did everything he could to make
their lives better. Bobby didn’t know many alphas who weren’t cruel but he did
know a few. Bobby wondered if these feral humans were just as cruel as the
alphas. They had tortured Sam and Bobby couldn’t understand why they would do
that. Sam was innocent, but he got hurt. Bobby frowned when he realized that
was Dean’s life story. Dean was innocent once, but he got hurt. Then he was
broken. Bobby just hoped Sam wasn’t broken inside.
Bobby turned his attention to Cas. He watched as Cas gently laid Gabriel’s body
on the floor and closed Gabe’s eyes with a shaky hand. He watched in silence as
Cas moved Gabe’s hands to Gabe’s abdomen. He could see Castiel shutter in grief
and he could hear him crying. Bobby decided to say something. He didn’t really
know what he was going to say but he knew this situation warranted something.
Carefully he said, “Cas, it’s going to be okay.”
Cas turned and looked at Bobby for a moment before replying. His voice was
shaky, “My brother.. He’s dead. What will I tell Michael and the others? They
are all going to blame me for this.”
Bobby sighed and glanced down at Sam. He watched for a moment as Sam tried to
focus his eyes but was clearly failing. He gently moved the stray strands of
Sam’s hair out his face. Then he sighed again, “Cas, your brother asked that
you be saved instead of him.” He paused and hoped his words came out right, “I
don’t know how to tell you this, but if what they are telling me is true. Then
whatever it was that killed Gabe also killed all the other alphas...
Everywhere.”
Cas stood with that statement. His hands shook and he forced out, “They
murdered my entire family?.. Why?”
Bobby shook his head and said solemnly, “I wish I had a good answer for that.
All I know is we are one of them now. We are a feral human.”
Castiel nodded and took a step forward. He stopped and looked towards the door
when he asked, “Sam? Is he.. Is he alive?”
Bobby looked at Sam and nodded. He felt stronger emotion now, but it wasn’t
conflicting with instinct. His voice was unsteady, “Yeah, but he is hurt really
bad. He needs a hospital or something.” Bobby sniffled a little and looked up
at Cas, “But I can’t move him on my own and he won’t leave here without Dean.”
Castiel nodded awkwardly and looked around. He heard a voice from behind him.
It was the redhead who was listening to his heart. She was nervous, “I can get
someone to help you get him up and get one of our doctors to look at him.”
++
Sam’s head hurt. His body wasn’t burning anymore but it still hurt. He
suspected it was because he had been beaten. Sam had been in his fair share of
fights before but he never lost a fight and he had never felt like this. He
felt himself get lifted off the floor and laid down on something. He couldn’t
tell who was moving him, but he hoped Bobby was still nearby.
He felt himself being moved upstairs based on the angle of what he was laying
on. Sam closed his eyes once they reached the top of the stairs because it was
much brighter upstairs. He felt a man touch him and he couldn’t smell the man’s
scent. It was unnerving. He heard the man speak, “Get him to a room. I’ll be
right there.”
He heard a whimper that sounded like Dean. Sam tried to get up because he had
to get to Dean, but he felt a firm hand push him down. It was the same man that
spoke before, “It’s okay. No one is going to hurt you anymore. We are going to
get you fixed right up.”
Sam shook his head and focused on trying to say something. The first few times
he tried to speak nothing came out. Then finally a raspy, “Dean.. my omega..
please..” Sam opened his eyes and looked at the man. He was confused. Sam felt
a stronger fear than he had ever felt in his life. He thought they were taking
Dean away from him or maybe Dean didn’t want him anymore because he wasn’t a
strong alpha. Sam didn’t know where all this uncertainty was coming from.
His body didn’t seem to be on board with the idea of getting to Dean and Sam
felt himself slump down on the gurney. His mind went a little foggy and he felt
himself drift off.
++
The room was dim when Sam came too. Slowly Sam sat up and looked around. He saw
Bobby first and was thankful the man was still here. Then he saw Castiel who
looked upset, very upset as he stared at an old radio like it had personally
offended him. Sam wasn’t sure what to make of that. Then he saw Henry, the
crazy guy who claimed to be his grandfather. Henry looked worried. His face was
a mix of emotion that Sam couldn’t quite read.
Sam didn’t see one person, though. He didn’t see Dean. Sam started to get out
of bed when he heard Henry speak, “Please Sam, you should stay in bed and
rest.”
Sam glared at the crazy man for a few moments before he shook his head no and
said weakly, “I have to find Dean.”
Bobby cleared his throat and nodded towards the floor on the other side of
Sam’s bed. His voice was sheepish, “He’s curled up in your bed on the other
side. No one could coax him out or get him to talk.”
Sam turned around gingerly and saw Dean curled up next to the wall by the bed.
It wasn’t totally surprising. It was about as close to a corner Dean could get
while still being close to him. Sam turned back and took a couple deep breaths
before standing. He rested his hand on the bed as he stood. His whole world
spun a little as he stood. Sam started walking slowly around the bed to get to
the other side where Dean was.
Bobby stepped forward and tried to help Sam but Sam waved him off. He kept his
hand on the bed as he walked around it.  He was silently wondering why he
didn’t just get off the other side, but it was too late to turn back now.
Finally, he made it to where Dean was sitting on the floor. Dean didn’t look up
at Sam which made Sam a little uneasy.
Sam took a couple deep breaths and carefully eased himself on the floor next to
Dean. Once he was on the floor he heard Henry speak again. “Sam, you really
should be in bed.”
Sam glanced up at the man and he felt disdain for him when he said, “Shut up.”
Then Sam reached over and put an arm around Dean. His brother was stiff in his
arms and Sam was hit with the realization that he could no longer smell Dean’s
scent. He pulled Dean into his arms but Dean was still motionless. Then Sam
realized, Dean couldn’t smell his scent either.
He gently started stroking Dean’s hair but he didn’t get a response. Sam
glanced up and saw that Castiel had a worried and contemplative look on his
face. He gave Cas a small smile. Then he spoke to Dean. He tried to sound
authoritative but instead he just sounded worn, “Dean, look at me.”
By some small miracle, Dean did look up at Sam. He moved a hand and touched Sam
on the chest. Sam tried not to flinch but right now, even the gentle touch did
not feel good. Dean’s voice was a little shaky, “I can’t... I think… Alpha?”
Sam closed his eyes and pulled Dean in a little tighter even though it hurt. He
could deal with a little pain if it reassured Dean. He kissed Dean on the top
of the head and rubbed a hand up and down Dean’s arm. His voice was gentle,
“I’m here, Dean. I’m not going anywhere. You’re safe. I promise.”
Dean huffed out a breath as Sam closed his eyes. He wished he could smell
Dean’s scent but he couldn’t. He could smell the stale air and the shampoo Dean
used to wash his hair. But Dean’s scent that identified him as an omega was
gone. Sam couldn't help but wonder if that made both of them just male and if
so how would he even begin to explain that to Dean. He didn’t know so he did
the only thing he could. He held on to his omega.
Sam had almost drifted back off to sleep holding Dean when he heard Dean speak
again. Dean sounded scared when he spoke, “Am I still an omega? I feel
different and I can’t smell you.. Alpha?”
Sam opened his eyes and blinked a few times to focus. He knew he had to tread
lightly here. To be honest, Sam wasn’t entirely sure what the right answer was.
He didn’t know if Dean would view it as a good thing if he wasn’t an omega
anymore or not and Sam wasn’t even sure if that was the case. Sam glanced up at
Henry and glared at him for a moment.
Unfortunately for Sam, Henry decided to say something. The crazy man, as Sam
liked to think of Henry, said confidently like he had just rewarded them
somehow, “Dean, you are human. You aren’t an omega anymore. We cured you and
your friends.”
Sam could practically hear the wheels turning in Dean’s head. But Sam waited,
he wanted to see if Dean would say anything. Sam wasn’t surprised when after a
couple moments, Dean had remained silent. Sam spoke quietly, “It’s okay, Dean.
You’re safe and nothing bad is going to happen to you.” Sam glared at Henry as
he spoke, “Henry is going to make sure the hu..humans here don’t drug us and
separate us again.”
Dean thought about what that all meant. He wasn’t really sure what it meant to
just be human and not be an omega, alpha or beta. It meant he got his wish,
sort of, now he was just like everyone else. He thought that maybe he wasn’t an
object anymore. Maybe he could be a real person. Dean felt a fear of the
unknown inside of him and a desire to explore. But he still wanted his alpha.
He still wanted Sam.
It still felt the same when Sam held him. Sam’s heart beat at the same pace.
His gentle touches and light kisses were the same. He just couldn’t smell his
alpha’s scent. Dean knew that Sam’s scent was something he was probably never
going to get to smell again.
Dean felt profound sadness earlier when Sam was asleep. Dean didn’t know how to
process that sadness so he turned to Sam for help. Even if Sam was human like
him. Dean still wanted Sam to be his alpha or owner or whatever new term they
came up with. He just wanted to belong to Sam. Dean nestled his head down in
Sam’s chest and he heard Sam bite off a groan.
Quietly Dean said, “Sammy, I think you and Cas might be the only alphas that
changed. Cas had the radio on and it was saying that all the alphas are dying.
It is chaos out there. I don’t know what to do.”
Sam took a deep breath and glanced at Castiel, who was back to staring at the
radio. He shook his head and decided to leave Cas be. He hoped that at least
some of Castiel’s family survived, but in his heart, Sam knew that wasn’t the
case. Sam did wonder what sort of sick twist of fate caused him and Cas to be
the only ones to survive. He wasn’t sure if it was a gift from Eve or a curse.
He didn’t really know what to say to Dean so he said the only reassuring thing
he could think of, “It’s okay, Dean. They are at peace now with Eve.”
Dean’s voice was a little quieter when he spoke next, “They said the omegas and
betas are changing into feral humans. What does that mean for me?”
Sam didn’t have an answer for that either because he didn’t know. He took a
deep breath and said, “I don’t know how the laws will change or if they will
change. But I promise I will protect you and love you for as long as you let
me.”
Dean looked up at Sam and said quietly, “But if all the male omegas are just
male now. We can’t breed. None of us can have babies. None of us have a
purpose. What if they decide to exterminate all of us?”
Sam swallowed hard as he thought about Dean’s words. What he was saying was
plausible. Society taking out whatever was wrong in the world on the omegas was
nothing new. In fact, Sam had almost grown to expect it. He didn’t know how he
would keep Dean safe in that instance. Sam ran a hand through Dean’s hair and
said softly, “Dean, I think that it maybe up to the girls to have the babies
now. But it does take a male to get the girl pregnant.”
Dean looked up at Sam with confusion and said, “Does that mean we can’t be
together?”
Sam laughed but it hurt to laugh so he quickly stopped, “We’re still together
if you want to be. You couldn’t get pregnant so making babies wasn’t why I had
sex with you. I did it because wewanted to and because we both thought it felt
good.”
Bobby threw his hands up in the air and said firmly, “Boys enough, I do not
want to hear about your sex lives with each other. Please spare me the
details.” 
***** Leaving the Village *****
Bobby, Castiel, Sam, and Dean have been in the village for 2 weeks now. They
have been staying in Henry’s small two bedroom home. It wasn’t ideal, but Bobby
didn’t want to go back out into society until Sam was feeling better by Bobby’s
standards. Sam insisted he was fine, but Bobby put his foot down. Sam relented,
not feeling nearly as strong as he had previously. He stayed in bed and rested.
Dean stayed by his side the whole time.
Sam stopped listening to the radio after the third day they were there when he
heard the death toll was officially up to 206 million. Most of the causalities
were alphas, but some were betas and omegas. Castiel used his cell phone to
call his brothers but none of them answered. Sam didn’t know what to say to
Castiel. There really wasn’t words to describe what Castiel was going through.
Even though Bobby convinced Sam to stay in bed, the only thing Sam got out of
bed to do was watch Bobby and Cas burn Gabe’s body. It was the traditional send
off to Purgatory. Sam knew Gabe never put much stock in Eve or any sort of
afterlife. The very talk of it used to make Gabe’s playful nature fade into a
silent bitterness that Sam could never understand. Sam wished now he had asked
about it because something told him that Gabe’s playfulness was just hiding
someone who had been hurt.
Dean was unsure of himself. He was more unsure of himself than before. He
stayed with Sam because Sam had always protected him. Even though Sam had been
hurt. Dean didn’t like the humans here and he didn’t like Henry because they
hurt Sam. He wanted to leave with Sam and go home. He wanted to go back to
their room and curl up in their bed together.
Dean missed the scent of his alpha more than anything. Sometimes, Dean would
close his eyes and try to imagine it as he held on to Sam. Touching Sam did put
his mind at ease a little. He knew Sam was still there. Sam was still alive and
he hoped Sam still loved him.
Sam was lying in bed with Dean curled up against his side. Dean was playing
with the fabric of Sam’s shirt. Sam was officially sick of being in bed. He
leaned up and Dean looked at him curiously. Sam smiled at Dean and said in an
exhausted voice, “I am sick of being here.”
Dean didn’t say anything, he just stayed where he was. Sam ran a hand through
Dean’s hair then he got out of bed. He got dressed in his clothes. Well, not
exactly his clothes, but clothes he had been given by Henry. It was better than
nothing. Sam turned back to Dean and said, “How do you feel about going home?”
Dean shrugged and said quietly, “I want to go home, Sam.” He paused, “But we’re
feral humans now. Won’t the alphas try to kill us?”
Sam sighed because he didn’t have an answer for that. He hugged Dean tightly
for a few moments and pulled back. He had been feeling a lot more emotions
since the change and he was having trouble making sense of all of them. Sam
looked at Dean in the eyes and said quietly, “I guess we should ask Bobby and
Cas what is going on out there.”
++
Sam made his way to the living room with Dean. He was still sore from getting
beaten but he was feeling better. The beating itself made Sam wonder how Dean
dealt with it for years. He knew what happened to Dean was horrible and it had
always made him angry, but now he had a newfound resentment towards his father.
Sam saw Bobby, Castiel, Henry and one of the men that tortured him in the
living room. He stopped in the doorway to the living room and put out a hand
indicating to Dean to stay behind him. The man who tortured him said casually,
“Ah, Henry’s grandchildren. I don’t think we have been formally introduced. My
name is Cuthbert. I developed the cures. How are you two feeling?”
Sam felt Dean grab onto his arm. Dean latching onto him was more common these
days. Sam figured it was because Dean couldn’t smell his scent and he wanted
some sort of security to know his alpha was there. Sam felt anger towards
Cuthbert. He gritted his teeth and said firmly, “You tortured me. You killed my
friend and Dean hasn’t been able to put into words whatever sick twisted thing
you did to him… We are not friends and I want nothing to do with you.”
Castiel was looking off to the side in the living room and said flatly, “He
killed more than Gabriel. I haven’t been able to get in contact with anyone in
my family. The news reports are saying that no alphas have been found alive,
even the infants.”
Sam nodded and said was uncertain when he spoke, “I’m sorry, Castiel. If there
is anything I can do, please let me know.”
Castiel shrugged and stood up. He held out his arms and put on a fake smile. “I
suppose we just go on.” He perked up a little and held up a finger to show he
was thinking of something before putting it back down. “Cuthbert the Murderer
and the news reports on the radios are saying that the male omegas still have
both sets of sex organs. The female organs are internal with no external
outlet. In other words, it is completely useless.”
Sam heard Dean whimper from behind him so he reached out an arm and pulled Dean
in for a hug. He whispered into Dean’s hair, “It’s okay, Dean.” He ran a
reassuring hand up and down Dean’s arm.  Sam looked at Castiel and asked, “Will
it hurt Dean? What does that make him?” Sam heard Dean whimper again so he
kissed Dean on the top of the head.
Castiel shrugged, “It makes him a hermaphrodite or intersex. There hasn’t been
much research on it over the last 50 years since the plague. But in the 1950s,
medical doctors started removing the unwanted sexual organs to make someone
like Dean one gender or the other, usually female.” Castiel paused and glared
at Cuthbert as he spoke, “I suspect if there were any alpha females left alive
they would be classified the same as Dean.”
Dean grabbed on to Sam’s shirt and whimpered. Sam knew Dean was scared. He
couldn’t really blame Dean. Sam ran his free hand through Dean’s hair and
whispered to him. “Dean, no one is going to touch you. I promise.”
Dean looked up at Sam and said quietly, “I don’t want to be a girl.”
Sam nodded in agreement at that. He kissed Dean on the forehead and said
firmly, “You won’t be. You’re still male.”
Cuthbert spoke up from the corner of the room. His voice carried a level of
calm and authority to it. “Dean is the only formally male omega we have. We
need to examine him and see how he developed. It is fine if Dean wants to be
male, but we should remove the female sex organs if that is the case.” He
paused, “How do you feel about having a little exam Dean?”
Sam locked his eyes with Cuthbert and said firmly, “No. You are going nowhere,
near Dean.”
Cuthbert crossed his arms and gave Sam a confused look. “I’m sorry. What makes
you think you have any right to make decisions for your brother?”
Bobby spoke harshly before Sam had a chance. “He owns Dean. So yes, Sam does
have the right to make that and any other decision that pops into his head for
Dean. But I will tell you this, Sam has never ever done anything to hurt that
boy.” Bobby stood and got in Cuthbert’s face, “If you think he is going to let
the man that tortured him run off and do tests on his brother. You’re insane.”
Cuthbert sighed and looked at Sam, “I am sorry about torturing you. We just
wanted to find out if you have children with you so we could cure them before
we released the cure to the masses.”
Sam glared at Cuthbert for a moment and said angrily, “Why would that even
matter to you? An alpha and a male omega usually had alpha children. You would
have killed them.” He paused and looked down at Dean, “But we don’t have any
kids. It isn’t in the cards for us.”
Henry spoke up and spoke in a peacekeeping tone, “We had a project in the early
1980s. We would take alpha infants from their homes and cure them. We would
raise them like our own after that. Those children grew up to be well-
balanced.” Henry paused, “It was abandoned after one of us was murdered at a
home in Lawrence Kansas in 1983. We didn’t get the baby and our liberation team
had to hide in the woods for weeks before they were able to make it to a safe
house.”
Sam felt his anger flare at that, “Seriously? Let me guess, it was November
2nd, 1983.”
Henry nodded and looked sad, “Yes, it was. It was a sad day for us.”
Sam had an angry laugh, “Yeah, it was a sad day for us too. Someone tried to
kidnap me from my crib and murdered my mother.” He paused and said
sarcastically, “Thanks for that.”
Bobby held up his hands to stand in between the two. His voice was firm and he
looked at Sam when he spoke, “Sam, calm down. Why don’t you go back into the
bedroom and take a breather with your brother?”
Sam shook his head no and complained to Bobby. “These people are insane. First,
they try to kidnap me. Then do kidnap me, torture me and try to kill me. On top
of that, they just committed genocide and we are hanging out with them like
they are family. I… I want to leave.”
Henry spoke from the corner with his head resting on his hands. His voice was
quiet, “I am your family, Sam. I saved your life when I didn’t have too.”
Sam shouted at Henry, “You let my friend die. Don’t act like you did me any
favors because you didn’t.”
Henry nodded and said quietly, “I am sorry about Gabriel. I really am. Castiel
has told me a lot about him and he seemed like a nice person. I am sorry any of
this had to happen.”
Sam shook his head and gave a bitter laugh. He looked around the room and his
eyes caught a photo of John when he was about 4 and Henry. The picture was
clearly aged and from the 1950s, maybe Henry really was their grandfather. Sam
walked over to it and grabbed the picture. He had seen this picture before.
John had it in an old photo album. Sam raised his eyebrow at the photo and
tossed it on the coffee table. He looked at Henry in the eye and said, “You
know, your little act of genocide killed your son and your little project in
the 1980s killed his omega.”
Henry looked away and solemnly said, “I know, but now I get to grow old.”
++
They left the village that day. Sam and Dean found the Impala and packed up
their camping gear. Most of their gear was still intact, although, the wind had
blown some away. Sam drove in silence back home to the salvage yard. Dean
rested his head on Sam’s shoulder for the entire drive. Sam didn’t mind. It was
comforting to have Dean near him.
When Sam stopped the car in front of their house, he saw a familiar man on the
front porch peeking in the windows. Quietly Sam said to Dean, “Wait here.”
Sam got out of the Impala as the man turned to look at him. It was Pastor Jim,
a beta from a town that was a good friend of Bobby’s. Pastor Jim sighed in
relief when he saw Sam. He put his hands on his knees and said with relief,
“Sam? Are you okay?”
Sam nodded and took a step closer. He rubbed the back of his neck before making
eye contact. “We are okay. I got sick on a camping trip. I called Castiel, so
Bobby, Gabriel, and Castiel came out to check on us. Gabriel didn’t make it but
Bobby is taking Castiel home…. Is it true what we heard on the radio?”
Pastor Jim sighed and looked at Dean who was still inside the car. He was
tentative when he spoke, “Yeah Sam, you and Cas are the only alphas I’ve heard
of that are alive. You two are defiantly something special.” He paused, “We
have been trying to figure out what to do with the omegas or what were omegas.
They converted the buildings at the fairgrounds into a makeshift shelter.”
Sam ran his hand over his face and shook his head. Some things will never
change. Sam felt the exhaustion of everything hitting him in that moment.
“Thanks for stopping by, but if you don’t mind I need to get Dean settled.”
Pastor Jim stepped off the porch and looked back at Sam. He smiled, “Sam, be
careful.”
Sam nodded and then he asked questioningly, “What are they going to do with the
omegas? We are all the same now, so are they going to be freed?”
Pastor Jim laughed, “I don’t know. There are differing opinions on that now
that the alphas are gone. Honestly, probably nothing will change. You should
know that Sam, just looks at how you found your brother. I reported your dad
for years and nobody cared.” He paused, “How is your brother anyways? I haven’t
talked to that omega in a long time.”
Sam shook his head and laughed. He just wanted to be left alone right now.
“Dean is doing well. He’s getting better every day. I need to figure out what
this change did to him, but we will get through it.”
Pastor Jim smiled, “You’re a good brother, Sam.”
 
***** Falling Apart *****
Dean was staring at himself in the mirror and wondering for the first time in
his life why he put up with all the crap his dad had put on him. It made him
hate himself to think he just accepted his fate and didn’t even put up a fight.
He put up a fight with strange alphas which gave him a molecule of self-
respect, but he quickly stopped fighting. He didn’t even try.
Dean hated what he saw in the mirror. A week, useless, and stupid man is what
he was. He huffed out an angry breath and lowered his head in defeat when he
realized he wasn’t even really just a man technically he was both. That made
him hate himself even more, even with everyone being a feral human he was still
different. He was still a freak and he hated himself for it. He hated himself
with every fiber of his being.
He glanced up in the mirror and he hated himself even more with what he saw
each time he looked. Dean wondered what Sam must think. Sam is his little
brother. He was supposed to be bossing him around and giving him a hard time.
But Dean had never done any of that. Of course, as Dean thought about it. He
was basing what big brother behavior was like off of old movies made before the
plague. He thought that maybe he didn’t have to be like that. Maybe he could
still listen to Sam.
Dean shook his head when he realized how weak he is. He thought back to how
much he craved Sam’s scent and his touch. He was just starved for attention and
he knew sleeping with Sam would get him what he wanted. It made Dean sick to
think he manipulated Sam to get what he wanted. As Dean thought back he
remembered that Sam seemed hesitant. Sam barely touched him during his heat all
that time ago. He wondered if Sam was just sleeping with him to make him feel
secure. They hadn’t had sex since the change, so that would make sense Dean
thought.
Dean closed his eyes and he felt them burn with tears. He was so angry at
himself. He wondered if when he manipulated Sam if he really raped him. Dean
felt himself getting dizzy with the notion. He had been forced so many times in
his life. He didn’t want to do that to Sam, but he did or at least he thought
he did. He conned Sam into doing it because he wanted attention. Dean thought
that his depths of self-hatred could never find a new low but he just did.
He felt his anger flare and his hatred for himself grow inside until he felt
himself punch the mirror in front of his face. Dean watched the mirror shatter
and the little pieces of glass fall into the sink and the floor. He saw red on
his hand from where he had hit the glass. He looked at his hand absently, not
really registering the pain yet, and he saw little pieces of the glass sticking
out of his hand and blood dripping down it.
Dean heard a pounding on the door. It was Sam. His brother’s voice was full of
concern, but he couldn’t understand why. “Dean? Is everything okay in there?”
Dean felt his heart rate increase. He had no idea how to answer that question.
He was clearly not okay. Dean looked at his hand and he realized that he did
something bad, very bad. He backed away from the sink until he hit the bathtub.
He tripped over the side and hit his head on the wall. It didn’t knock him out.
He just slid down the wall until he was seated in the bathtub with his legs
hanging off the side.
Dean started crying like a small child when he realized what he had done.
Everything he had done. He was bad. He still felt like he was a bad omega even
though he wasn’t one anymore. He was a thing and that just made Dean cry
harder.
Sam opened the door to the bathroom and scanned it quickly. He saw Dean in the
bathtub looking disheveled and his hand was cut up. Sam made his way over to
Dean and his shoes made the glass from the mirror crack beneath his feet. He
reached out a hand and tentatively touched Dean on the knee to see how he would
react. Dean just started crying harder and he was incoherently babbling or more
accurately begging, “I’m sorry Sam. I’m sorry Alpha… I manipulated you and..
and..” Dean held out his hand and stammered out, “I damaged your property.”
Sam carefully took Dean’s bloody hand in his and looked at it for a moment
before letting it go. He decided that getting Dean calmed down would have to
happen in stages. He decided that getting Dean’s hand cleaned up was the first
priority. Carefully, Sam helped Dean out of the bathtub and sat him on the
toilet.
Dean clutched his bloodied hand close to his chest. He was crying but silent
now while Sam laid out a clean towel over his lap and got the first aid kit.
Sam carefully took the tweezers out and rinsed them off with rubbing alcohol.
Then he knelt down in front of Dean. He held Dean’s hand with one hand and used
the other to pull the lodged pieces of glass out of Dean’s hand. Once he was
done, Sam said quietly, “Take a deep breath, Dean. This is going to sting a
little.”
Sam waited until Dean nodded then he gently cleaned his hand with rubbing
alcohol. Dean grimaced with the pain and the tears hadn’t stopped. Sam looked
at Dean’s hand critically once it was clean and patted it dry with another
clean towel. He decided that nothing needed stitches so Sam put some ointment
on the cuts and bandaged up Dean’s hand.
Sam sat back on his heels and looked at Dean. He didn’t know if Dean had just
gotten angry like his now dead therapist said would happen or if he was having
a breakdown. Either way, Sam knew he had to do something. He knew he had to say
something but he didn’t know what. He didn’t know how Dean had manipulated him
but then Sam realized he wasn’t exactly good on catching cues from Dean. He
didn’t even realize what was going on the day Dean set out to disobey him all
day. Sam sighed and thought that maybe just being human was better because he
didn’t think he made a very good alpha.
He looked at Dean for a moment longer, then Sam stood up. He gently pulled Dean
up by his arm and said quietly, “Will you follow me to the bedroom, Dean?”
Dean nodded figuring Sam was going to punish him now. He walked, shuffling a
little, with his head down to the bedroom. He listened as Sam pulled back the
covers on the bed and sat him on the side of the bed. Dean felt like he was in
something of a daze. He wasn’t crying as hard but his head was starting to
throb and he could feel the sharp pain in his hand. Dean felt Sam pull off his
shoes then lay him down in bed. Part of Dean knew he was getting manhandled, in
a gentle and kind way, but he just couldn’t bring himself to stop it, care, or
help Sam.
Sam slipped into bed behind Dean and wrapped his arms around his brother. He
didn’t know what was up with Dean, but he knew touch seemed to calm him. He
missed being able to scent Dean right now. He thought about how that might help
him, but that wasn’t an option anymore. Quietly Sam asked, “Dean, tell me what
is wrong. How do you think you’ve manipulated me?”
Dean held his hand close to him and relaxed in Sam’s embrace. He had so many
conflicting emotions right now and part of him just felt even more pathetic for
finding this calming. Dean felt ashamed when he spoke, “I..I manipulated you
into having sex with me because I wanted you to touch me.” He lowered his head
and spoke a little quieter, “I just wanted you to touch me. I.. I liked it. I
was selfish and bad.”
Sam pulled Dean in for a tighter hug and whispered, “What makes you think I
didn’t want to touch you?” He paused and watched Dean think. Then he added,
“Dean, I had trouble keeping my hands to myself. The reason why I was hesitant
was because I didn’t want to take advantage of you.” Sam gently kissed Dean on
the back of the head and then he put his nose up to Dean’s head. It wasn’t as
good as Dean’s omega scent, but it was still uniquely Dean.
Dean sounded broken when he spoke, “I hate myself.”
Sam turned his head up and looked at Dean for a moment. He was serious and full
of concern when he spoke, “Why would you say that? Dean, you’re perfect.”
Dean felt his tears start up again and through his sobs, he said, “I wish that
was true.” He felt weak nestled in Sam’s arms but at the same time; he relished
something so familiar and he longed for it. Dean felt exhaustion hit him as he
slowly cried himself to sleep.
++
Bobby wasn’t sure what to make of the changes in society. He was glad to be
home with the boys but security was an increasing concern. Luckily no one
thought much about robbing a salvage yard. He knew that he and Sam could use a
firearm and shoot with deadly accuracy but Bobby wanted to try to avoid that.
Staying with Henry while Sam recovered did allow things to calm down a bit.
They, thankfully, missed the initial panic. Bobby was impressed with the
efforts put forth by the government to bring calm. A state of emergency was
declared and the National Guard was deployed or what was left of the National
Guard.
Groups of volunteers armed with a list of residences started going door to door
checking for survivors and burning bodies. Once they figured out the cure or
virus as people outside of Henry’s camp was calling it affected alphas they
revised a list to cover single alphas and alphas with omegas first.  Once a
home was checked and any bodies disposed of a large red x was painted on the
door.
Bobby didn’t know what to say to Castiel as they stared at the red x on the
front door to his family home. He didn’t know what to say when they walked
around the back of Castiel’s home and found the pile of ash from a large burnt
out fire which was undoubtedly once his brothers. Castiel took it all in stride
and Bobby knew that was just his way of putting on a brave face. They hadn’t
seen much of Castiel since they got back. He threw himself into helping out the
omegas as much as possible.
Right now, Bobby was standing outside his house with a can of red spray paint
wondering if he should paint a red x on it. It would stop the search parties
from bothering them. Bobby knew they had been working on the beta households
now. They hadn’t made it out here yet but Bobby knew Pastor Jim had stopped by.
Bobby shook the can and started painting an x on the door when he thought about
how many people thought Sam was dead. He dropped the can after the x was
painted and he stared it. Bobby knew that despite his hatred of Henry; he would
have had a red x on his door two weeks ago and Sam’s body to burn.
Bobby took a couple deep breaths to pull himself together. He knew Dean was
falling apart. He had heard the boy break a mirror and Sam try to talk to him.
Bobby wished there was something he could do. He wished there was some way to
relieve the pressure on Sam. He knew Sam had to have the patience of a saint
not to get upset or angry with Dean. Bobby knew he never gave Sam nearly as
much credit as he should especially when Sam was an alpha. He felt a little
guilty about being as hard on him as he had been now.
He looked around the salvage yard before wandering back in the house. Bobby
unceremoniously turned the TV on the news. He knew he had to turn it off before
Sam came downstairs. Right now, Sam seemed content to live in denial. Bobby
started listening to the young beta newscaster report on the current state of
emergency.
As you can see here on Capitol Hill lawmakers are trying to decide what to do
with the changes brought on by the virus. Basic food distribution and public
services are being kept in check by the military. Civil unrest is down, but the
former omegas are demanding more rights and standing up to the shelter staff.
One of the two alphas found alive, Castiel Novak of South Dakota has taken
center stage on omega rights. Mr. Novak believes for our society to continue,
the omegas need to be freed and educated to work jobs once held by the alphas.
 Mr. Novak was an omega rights activist before the virus and his entire family
was killed by the virus.
Religious leaders are calling for a restructuring of society, calling this an
Act of Eve’s wrath. Religious leaders believe the alpha’s cruelty led to their
demise and in order to avoid her wrath, we must better ourselves. The religious
leaders on Capitol Hill tonight are standing with Mr. Novak in requesting
assistance and rights for omegas.
There have been unconfirmed reports of a group of feral humans calling
themselves the Men of Letters unleashing the virus throughout the world. The
CDC has discredited the claim stating it is unlikely that any one group would
be capable of unleashing a virus that affected the world on a global basis. The
CDC states that if a virus was released the impact would be much smaller.
Bobby turned off the TV shaking his head with how wrong the CDC was and a hope
that Castiel knew what he was doing. Bobby feared that freeing the omegas
without enough support would be disastrous. But he knew there wasn’t much he
could do about that. He only had one former omega to worry about and that one
was safe.  
***** The Changes *****
Sam didn’t know how to deal with Dean’s self-hatred. Whereas before the change,
Sam knew the right words would just somehow find their way to his mouth. Now,
he just didn’t know. He couldn’t find the right words and him honestly didn’t
know how to relate to Dean’s life experiences. Dean confession did make him
wonder, though if he had been taking advantage of his brother.
Sam wanted to try to get things back to as normal as possible for them. So he
made a point of working out in the salvage yard with Dean. Sam still wasn’t
comfortable with Dean working in the yard unsupervised, even though he knew no
alphas were going to come along and try to take Dean. Their business was down
with the decrease in population which left more free time.
Sam found that he and Dean were spending more time at the omega rights center
helping with the literacy program.  They had literacy programs at all the
shelters for omegas now which also needed help. However, Sam didn’t want to
take Dean anywhere near a shelter or any makeshift shelter. For that reason,
they kept their volunteer work at the center.
They were busy which was good. Not very many people were asking how Castiel and
Sam were the only alphas that survived. Before they left Cas and Sam decided to
keep quiet about it for the sake of their own self-preservation. If Dean was
really the last test before releasing the cure that caused millions to die.
They did not want anyone coming after Dean or them for that.
Castiel’s advocating did seem to be getting some traction. Albeit slow, changes
were happening. Sam nearly fell over himself with joy when the omegas weren’t
chained naked to the floor at the shelters anymore and were given some range of
movement within the shelter. They were also given clothing and blankets which
for an omega was a luxury they often weren’t afforded. Sam knew that the omegas
were still scared and the changes had them off balance.
Part of Sam was glad the changes were coming slowly, it would give the omegas
time to adjust. Even at the center, Sam could see their struggle with just
functioning. Legally omegas still didn’t have names or any real rights. Despite
the changes that had happened so far, Sam wanted to be able to give Dean his
name on paper. He wanted people to stop asking him how he came up with Dean and
just accept it his brother’s name. Sam knew it was probably a pipedream but he
figured it never hurt to dream.  
Sam had no idea how to handle the sexual side of his relationship with Dean. He
hadn’t done anything since the change for a couple of different reasons. He
didn’t want Dean to think the only way he could get affection from him was to
have sex. Sam wanted to have sex with Dean because they both wanted too, not
because Dean needed reassurance and a hug. He did not want to use sex as a
means to gain power over Dean.
Sam knew he should clarify with Dean and make sure Dean is okay with sex to
work it out. But he just couldn’t bring himself to ask the questions. Mostly
because he wasn’t sure how he was going to perform sexually or if he even
could. Since the change he had gotten aroused but he never got a knot. It left
him feeling odd and stopping before completion every time. He was afraid of his
own failure and having sexual issues for the rest of his life. Sam just wanted
to keep it secret even though he knew that wasn’t fair to Dean. He was just at
a loss on what to do and his desire for a sexual release was getting stronger
by the day.
++
Dean was working in the salvage yard doing an oil change on Bobby’s truck. Sam
had gone to town but Bobby was still home. Since the change Dean had been
feeling more adventurous and rebellious thus he was outside without Sam. He
bitterly thought that it didn’t really matter anyways because it wasn’t like
Sam wanted him now anyways. Dean didn’t know if Sam was into guys or ladies and
the thought of Sam flirting with someone made him jealous.
Dean shook his head at that. He had never felt jealous or possessive of his
alpha before the change. Sam could have had sex with someone right in front of
him and he wouldn’t have cared. His father did it all the time. But now, he
felt differently. He can’t help the jealous feelings and since Sam is one of
two former alphas left on the planet there are always former omegas itching to
get with him.
It irritates Dean when they go to the rights center now. All the omega chicks
can’t seem to stay away from Sam and they flirt with him in an omega way. They
will keep their head and eyes down while trying everything in their power to
brush up against him or offer to help him with something. They are all ‘yes
sir’ and ‘no sir’ with Sam and it gets Dean angry. He makes a point to call Sam
by his first name in front of them. Sam has never told him to call him anything
but Sam, so Dean figures it’s allowed.
Dean was starting to let his mind wander to the notion of Sam hooking up with
one of the wayward omegas or worse bringing one home when he heard a noise
behind him. He put his tool down and looked up from under the hood. He saw
Castiel walking towards him. Dean stood up and wiped off his hands on his
clothes. He turned and looked at Castiel.
Castiel stopped a few feet away from Dean and scanned the yard for Sam or
Bobby. He was surprised not to see either of them. Carefully Cas said, “Hello
Dean, are you out here alone?”
Dean shook his head and looked away. He smarted off to Cas which was brazen. He
knew he could get in trouble with Sam for it later and he couldn’t help but
wonder if that might be a good thing. At least then Sam would notice him. “Yeah
I am. Not like anyone cares anyway.”
Cas gave Dean a curious look and tried to play peacekeeper. “I doubt that is
true. Sam cares a great deal about you. Bobby and I also care about you.” He
paused, “Are you fighting with Sam about something? I could talk to him.”
Dean picked up his tool and started to wipe it down as he thought. He knew it
was socially unacceptable to talk negatively about his alpha to anyone. But Sam
wasn’t really his alpha anymore. Sam was just a man that had a groupie
following at the omega rights center. Dean looked down and said quietly, “It’s
stupid.”
Castiel eyed Dean for a moment. He knew Dean was upset about something. Dean
was acting reckless and like the other omegas were speaking his mind a little
more. He looked at Dean’s hand and noticed some bruising and healing cuts. He
was tentative when he spoke, “Dean if Sam is hurting you. You know you can tell
me or Bobby and we will do something about it. I can see your hand so it is
clear someone hurt you.”
Dean looked at his hand for a moment. It didn’t hurt anymore but it was still
sore. He never considered that his banged up hand could negatively reflect on
the care Sam was giving him. Dean sighed and sounded defeated. “I did that to
myself. I was angry about being different. Still. I just hate myself and Sam
doesn’t even notice me anymore. He has omega chicks throwing themselves at Sam
at the center.” Dean paused and whispered, “I don’t think he wants to be my
mate anymore.”
Castiel nodded and stared at Dean. He wasn’t sure what to do but he figured he
could take Dean if Sam didn’t want him. It would be nice to have someone with
him as he traveled. He said firmly, “I will talk to Sam.”
Dean looked up and his eyes got wide. He did not want to go to one of the
overflowing shelters or the omega center with the flirty chicks. Dean shook his
head no and said quickly, “It’s okay. We will work it out.”
Castiel saw Sam walking up behind Dean as Dean spoke, but he didn’t say
anything. Sam reached out and put a gentle hand on Dean’s shoulder and asked
curiously, “Is everything okay?”
Dean stepped away from Sam out of his grasp and said nervously, “Yeah Sam,
everything is fine.”
Sam nodded and glanced at Castiel. He didn’t like this situation. Sam tried to
sound neutral when he spoke, “Bobby and I didn’t know you were out here, Dean.
Why don’t you go inside while I talk to Castiel? Then we will talk.”
Dean could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He was scared and it was
pretty clear he was in trouble. He forced himself to swallow down the whimper
that was threatening to slip from his lips. Dean lowered his head and quietly
said, “Yes Alpha.” Then he turned to go inside without another word.
After Dean was inside, Sam turned to look at Cas. Sam was confused, “Was he out
here when you got here?”
Castiel nodded and said flatly, “Yes, he was. Have you been neglecting him? He
seems to think you don’t want him anymore.”
Sam closed his eyes and pinched his nose. He did not want to have this
conversation with Castiel of all people. Sam let out a slow breath and said,
“No, I mean, I don’t know. We’ve been busy with working here and volunteering
at the rights center… I’ve been having difficulty accepting what the change has
done to me.”
Castiel glared at Sam for a moment and said firmly, “Have you thought about
what changes Dean must be dealing with? His are more substantial than yours.
Not being able to knot someone pales to what Dean is going through.” Castiel
paused. “His body works differently now. Male omegas don’t have slick anymore
and on top of that, he told me he hates himself. I think maybe you should be
focusing on Dean a little bit more.”
Sam sighed and suddenly felt foolish. “Cas…”
Castiel cut him off and said, “Sam, if you don’t want Dean I understand. I’ll
be glad to take him so he doesn’t have to go to the shelters. It’s not a
problem.”
Sam shook his head no and said sheepishly, “No, I want him… It’s just you can’t
knot either?”
Cas raised an eyebrow and said flatly, “Feral humans don’t grow a knot during
intercourse so no.”
++
Dean was shaking with fear by the time he made it to the house. He quietly made
his way up the stairs to their room and closed the door. He figured Bobby
didn’t want to see this and he hoped Bobby didn’t hear what was about to
transpire. Dean knew the routine when he got sent away to wait for punishment
from his alpha. He hadn’t had to deal with it in a long time but Dean knew Sam
knew the routine. Sam had watched him wait for their dad many times.
Dean wanted to just curl up into a ball and cry with the thought of Sam doing
this now. But he willed himself to keep it together. With shaking hands and a
trembling body, Dean slipped his shirt off. Then he kicked off his shoes and
socks. He took a deep breath and unbuckled his pants. Dean felt a few stray
tears he couldn’t keep back fall as he took off his pants and boxers. He folded
his clothes as neatly as he could with his shaking and sat them to the side.
He carefully went over to the corner of the room and knelt down to his knees.
He rested on his heels but bent forward so the front of his head was touching
the wall. Dean sat his trembling hands on his lap and waited. He could feel the
sobbing start push through his body and he couldn’t find it in himself to stop
shaking. Dean was too scared.
++
Sam slowly wandered his way up to their bedroom feeling like an idiot. He was
concerned about Dean just wandering off. While the only thing identifying Dean
as having been an omega is the collar he still wears around his neck. Sam
didn’t want an overzealous beta or Cuthbert to take him. It would be unlikely
but Sam figured he still had a right to worry. Sam knew Dean had been pulling
away from him or maybe it was him pulling away from Dean. He didn’t know but he
was going to talk it out with Dean.
Sam quietly opened the door to the bedroom and walked in. His heart sank with
what he saw. Dean was naked curled up in a kneeling position in the corner
crying. It was obvious to Sam that Dean thought he was going to get punished
and looking back at his words he can see how Dean would have thought that. 
Now, Sam felt like a jerk. He walked over to Dean and ran a hand across Dean’s
trembling shoulder before sitting down on the floor next to Dean.
Sam leaned the back of his head against the wall and looked at his brother.
Dean was a mess and it was his fault. He carefully grabbed hold of Dean and
pulled him into his arms. Sam started rubbing circles on his back and
whispering in Dean’s ear, “It’s okay. You’re not in trouble. I’m sorry for
upsetting you.”
It took a while for Dean to calm down to the point of being able to say
something. When he did. It just came out broken and stuttered out, “I’m bad.
I’m sorry.”
Sam pulled Dean into a tighter hug and whispered, “Shh.. it’s okay. I love you,
Dean.”
Dean’s trembling stopped at Sam’s words and he looked up at Sam. He asked in a
shaky voice, “You do?”
***** The Changes Continued *****
Dean couldn’t understand why Sam would love him, but it made him hopeful. He
knew he shouldn’t hope for Sam to actually want him but he couldn’t stop
himself from wanting that. He took care to steady his breathing while Sam
gently rubbed his back. Sam was staying quiet aside from the reassuring Dean
that he is loved.
After Dean calmed himself down he looked up at Sam. He thought it was odd that
Sam looked a little sad and upset. He really couldn’t understand why Sam would
be sad. He knew he wasn’t being very good lately. The change messed with his
head. His voice was a little shaky when he spoke, “Why are you upset?”
Sam shook his head at Dean and gave him a sad smile. He didn’t really know what
to say to Dean. He knew he hadn’t been the best brother or partner for Dean
lately. He knew that he was nowhere near being a good alpha if had ever been
that. All Sam knew is he didn’t want to stress Dean with his burdens. He just
needed to work through some things with Dean and he hoped his brother would be
better off.
Sam lightly brushed through Dean’s hair and then he took a deep breath. He was
quiet when he spoke. “I’m sorry, Dean. I know I haven’t been paying attention
to you like I should and I haven’t been explaining things to you like I should.
That is my fault, not yours.” Sam let out a slow breath before continuing. “The
change affected me too. Not as much as you, but it still affected me. I just
don’t feel the same inside. I have never been so unsure of myself and with
getting the life beaten out of me by Henry’s friends, I just don’t feel like
much of an alpha anymore.”
Dean nuzzled his head into Sam’s chest. He was afraid that Sam didn’t want him
anymore. He tilted his head down and leaned on Sam as much as he could. If this
was going to be the last affection he got before being sent off to rot in a
shelter somewhere. Then he was at least going to try to enjoy it. Once Dean
felt like he had enough strength inside he asked, “Do you not want me? I mean,
do you still want to own me and be my mate?”
Sam kissed Dean lightly on the top of his head. He closed his eyes and thought
about all the times he had unintentionally hurt Dean and that stung. He wished
he could be whatever it was Dean needed and he wished he would quit making
mistakes. However, Sam knew he was human. He was truly human now and with
humanity comes great pain but also great joy. In some ways, Sam thought being
an alpha was easier. Sure, he had to push against his instinct but even then he
didn’t feel like he was floundering as much.
He didn’t know what was right for Dean. Sam just knew that he wanted Dean with
him. He wasn’t sure if that was selfish or not. Dean had always been there for
Sam growing up until his father took Dean away. Sam figured he owed it to Dean
to take care of him. However more important than any debt he had to Dean, Sam
wanted to take care of Dean.
Somewhere Sam found the words to say. His voice was gentle, “Dean, I want
nothing more than to make you happy and do what is right for you. I want you to
be mine because that is the only way I can make sure that happens.” He paused,
“I want to be your mate, but I think sex is going to be different with the
change. It is probably going to be a little awkward for both of us.”
Dean scrunched up his brow and asked critically, “You mean because I don’t get
slick anymore?”
Sam nodded and kissed Dean again on the top of the head. He ran a hand down
Dean’s thigh as he spoke, “Yes, there is that and I don’t get a knot any more.
I haven’t gotten off since the change and I have been scared to try. It’s
stupid, but it is the truth.”
Dean looked up at Sam and kissed him on the lips. Sam was pleasantly surprised
by Dean taking the lead. Dean pulled back and he had a smile on his face. Sam
wasn’t sure why talking about awkward sex would make Dean smile. He had to ask.
Carefully, Sam asked, “Dean, why does that make you happy?”
Dean shrugged and lowered his head back down to Sam’s chest. He was quiet but
there was a hint of excitement when he spoke, “If you can’t get a knot then it
will be similar to a male beta, I think. I know how to handle that. Dad sold me
to betas sometimes too.”
Sam shook his head at that. He did not want to think about his brother getting
hurt. He found it disturbing that something his brother was forced to learn
could bring him happiness now. Sam decided to skirt the issue and finish their
chat. If they stayed on the subject of sex, he knew they were going to end up
in bed all day.
He still had to talk to Dean about the big issue Castiel mentioned. Sam started
to touch Dean from his thigh all the way to his shoulder in a gentle stroke as
he thought about what to say. He hummed for a moment then he said, “Tonight, I
think we should try out our new bodies in bed but there is something else I
want to talk to you about if that is okay.”
Dean glanced up at Sam and saw the sincerity in his face. He nodded and said,
“Yes, Sam.” He never understood why Sam would give him a choice on things like
that. He understood that Sam wanted him to have input but he also knew that if
an alpha wanted something, an alpha was going to get it.
Sam closed his eyes and said calmly, “I want you to know I don’t have an
interest in any other omega or beta besides you. If you think someone is
getting too close to me, please say something to me. It is okay to pull me
aside, if we are in public. If there is something I can do differently to make
you more comfortable, please Dean, I have to know.”
Dean wasn’t sure how he felt about Castiel telling Sam he was jealous. He knew
Cas was going to say something to Sam but he honestly didn’t expect Sam to
address it like this. He expected Sam to either, ignore it and hope it goes
away or acts like his father did when something bothered him and beat him until
he didn’t care anymore.
Dean wasn’t really sure what to say. Short of Sam walking around in a plastic
bubble, he didn’t know how to keep the clingy omega chicks off. He just didn’t
like it when they touched Sam and didn’t call him by his name. He sighed and
said to Sam bluntly, “I don’t like it when they touch you and call you Sir.”
Sam raised an eyebrow at that. He chuckled a little because despite Dean’s
jealousy being a serious issue, it was in a way cute. He kissed Dean again on
his head and nipped at his ear. He whispered in Dean’s ear, “They don’t touch
me the way you touch me and you’ve never called me Sir.” Sam paused and
clarified, “And, I don’t want you calling me Sir. I like it when you call me
Sam… I sometimes like it when you call me Sammy even though it makes me feel
like I am 12.”
Dean gave a nervous chuckle at that and said tentatively, “You were a cute 12-
year-old. Sometimes, when I look at you I still see that little kid I raised
and I hope I didn’t screw you up too bad.”
Sam laughed and hugged Dean a little tighter, “You didn’t screw me up if
anything you kept me grounded.”
++
After their talk, Sam knew they had a busy afternoon ahead of them. He let Dean
go out into the yard and finish the oil change. He watched Dean from the
kitchen window but he didn’t follow. Sam decided that if Dean wanted more
independence then he could try to give him as much as he could. Sam wasn’t sure
if giving Dean space was the right thing to do, but when he watched Dean work
in the yard. He looked happy.
Dean had a doctor’s appointment with Dr. Richardson this afternoon. Sam knew
Dean wasn’t happy about going to the doctor, which he couldn’t blame Dean. They
hadn’t exactly been kind to him. Today was pretty straight forward Sam thought.
Dean was getting an ultrasound done to see what the change did to his
reproductive system. Sam wasn’t going to make any decisions on what would be
done to Dean’s body. Despite, Dean having difficulty making choices Sam knew
there was no way he was telling Dean what was going to happen to his body.
They were in the waiting room at the doctor’s office now. Dean was on his leash
standing next to Sam against the wall fidgeting. For them to do this
ultrasound, Dean had to have a full bladder and they were running behind. Sam
felt bad for Dean. His first thought was to rub Dean’s belly or back and tell
him it was going to be okay. He thought better of it and realized that touching
Dean right now could actually make it worse.
Finally, a young beta led them back into a room for Dean to get an ultrasound.
Sam nearly went into shock when the beta handed him a gown for Dean to change
into and a blanket to cover himself. Sam caught how Dean shook when he took off
his clothes and changed into the gown. It was clear to Sam that this sort of
situation scared Dean and to be honest it bothered him too.
After Dean was changed and on the table with his legs together. Sam put the
blanket over Dean’s lower body. He held onto Dean’s hand and ran a soothing
hand through his hair with the other. Dean seemed to relax into the touch which
was really all Sam could hope for at the moment. The beta kindly said to Sam,
“I am going to pull up your omega’s gown and put some jelly on his abdomen to
help the ultrasound.”
Sam nodded and said in agreement, “That is fine.” He paused, “Dean, please tell
me if you get uncomfortable.”
Dean didn’t say anything. Sam noticed that he didn’t speak whenever someone was
in the room with them at the doctor’s office unless he told him too. Sam wished
he could blame that behavior solely on his father, but he knew it was a society
that caused that. Sam watched the ultrasound technician start to take pictures
and move her device around Dean’s belly. He saw Dean grimace and squeeze his
hand. Sam quickly asked, “Are you okay, Dean?”
Dean glanced up at Sam while hoping this beta would finish soon because she was
pushing on his bladder and he had to pee. It was uncomfortable, not the most
uncomfortable thing he had ever experienced but still not pleasant. He cast his
eyes down away from Sam when he spoke. He didn’t want to do anything to set Sam
off right now, not when he was someplace where they could give him one shot and
kill him. He quietly said, “I am fine, Alpha. It is just a little
uncomfortable.”
The technician looked up from her work at that and said conversationally to
Sam, “It’s sweet that your omega calls you alpha. I’ve never seen a beta order
an omega to do that.”
Sam rolled his eyes and said firmly, “I was an alpha before the change and Dean
were my omega. The change has been difficult for us both, but we are getting
through it.”
The beta nodded and asked conversationally, “So do you know Castiel Novak? He
is trying to take away ownership of omegas so this one might not even be yours
if Novak gets his way. All the omegas will just be free. It is a crazy idea.”
Sam nodded and looked affectionately at Dean for a moment. He waited until he
saw the beta resume her work. Then he said calmly, “Castiel is a friend of
ours. I would like nothing more than Dean, my omega, to be equal to me.” Sam
smiled and looked at her, “Maybe someday.”
The beta nodded and quietly finished her task and left. Dean quickly scurried
to the bathroom to do his business and get dressed. Sam went with Dean because
he didn’t want Dean out of sight in the doctor’s office. Once Dean was dressed
they waited for the doctor.
++
Dr. Richardson made her way into the exam room. Dean was sitting on the floor
feeling relieved that his bladder was empty and that he was now fully dressed.
Sam was sitting next to him on the floor holding him. Dean didn’t understand
why Sam would do that. He figured Sam must have a lot of confidence to be able
to get down to his level and try to comfort him. Dean knew most people wouldn’t
care.
Dr. Richardson smiled at Sam which made Dean a little jealous so he just looked
away. He didn’t know why everyone was making him jealous these days. Dr.
Richardson’s voice was cheerful, “Mr. Winchester, I am glad to see you. You are
very lucky to have survived.” When she paused Dean wondered if she was batting
her eyelashes at Sam. He didn’t dare look up and see. He just imagined it and
it irritated him. She continued speaking when Sam didn’t reply. “So your omega
does have the female sex organs inside of him completely. We have been seeing
this with other male omegas.”
Sam nodded and kissed Dean on the forehead. He could tell that something about
Dr. Richardson was bothering him. He figured it was just the euthanasia talk on
the first visit. Calmly Sam asked, “Okay is that any cause for concern?”
Dr. Richardson nodded and said clinically, “You have three options. One is to
do nothing and monitor his hormone levels. If something becomes out of balance
then we can address it. Another option is to remove the female sex organs and
that would make the omega simply male.” She paused and Sam couldn’t help but
wonder if she was internally cringing or what. She sounded nervous when she
spoke, “The third option is the most popular, is removing the male sex organs
and making the omega female. Since your omega was fixed before the change, he
will not be able to have children.”
Sam nodded and looked at Dean asked calmly, “Dean, do you have any questions
for Dr. Richardson?”
Dean looked up at Sam and made brief eye contact before breaking it. He hoped
Sam wouldn’t turn him into a woman but he knew that really wasn’t his choice.
Dean nodded and said quietly, “No, Alpha.”
Sam raised an eyebrow and asked gently, “Which option would you like to do?”
Dean wanted to get rid of the female part of him. Even though that would
require him to be drugged and he wasn’t sure how he felt about getting drugged.
He knew the easiest course of action would just be to monitor hormones. Dean
wasn’t sure what Sam would be willing to do. He moved his hand down to Sam’s
hand which held the end of his leash. He spoke quietly and with uncertainty, “I
think it is your choice, Sam. I want to be male but I know it would be easier
to do nothing.”
Sam nodded in understanding. He looked up at Dr. Richardson and asked just so
he would have all the information. “If I authorized surgery to remove the
female parts inside of Dean. What would that involve and would I be able to be
present during the procedure?”
Dr. Richardson fiddled with her clipboard for a moment and said hesitantly, “It
would be done laparoscopically, so he would have 4 small cuts on his abdomen.
He can go home the same day, but he would need about 2 months to fully heal. I
recommend that he not have sex after that for 6 weeks. He will need to be put
under for the procedure and he will need pain medication afterward.” She paused
and said tentatively, “I should be able to work something out so you can be in
the room.”
Sam nodded and took a deep breath. He looked down at Dean who was holding on to
him for dear life. Sam ran a hand through Dean’s hair and asked calmly, “I want
you to make a choice on this Dean. You don’t have to decide today, but it is up
to you.”
Dean blurted out, “I want to do the surgery.” Then he lowered his head onto
Sam’s chest.
Sam smiled and kissed Dean on the top of the head. He told Dr. Richardson
firmly, “We will do the surgery to remove the female sex organs.”
Dr. Richardson nodded and said nervously, “Okay. I will have my staff come in
and set the date for you.” 
***** New Things *****
While Sam allowed Dean to have a choice on what was going to happen to his
body. Sam was scared for Dean and he purposefully put off the surgery for a
month. He wanted Dean to have plenty of time to change his mind if he wanted
too. Sam knew this was a permanent decision and once it is done; it cannot be
undone.
Sam knew that if he gave Dean any indication that he was hedging, Dean would
back out or make a different choice. So Sam didn’t do that. Instead, he just
gave Dean reading material on the procedure and talked to him in depth about
how they were going to have to drug him for the procedure. The hardest thing
for Sam was convincing Dean that he would have to take pain medication
afterward. Part of Sam wanted to declare it a deal breaker if Dean wasn’t
willing to manage his pain level, but then Sam reminded himself it wasn’t his
body and if Dean wanted to whither in pain then that is his choice.
After Dean’s confession about his jealousy, Sam changed the class he was
teaching at the omega center. He started teaching the little kids how to read
instead of the adults. It seemed to ease Dean’s jealousy but working with the
kids was also sad. Many of the kids came from families where there were an
alpha father and omega mother. After the cure was released, they were often
separated from their mothers.  
The center was working on locating the mothers or any family for the kids, but
with no names for any omega and not enough manpower to look for genetic next of
kin. It was difficult, if not impossible. Sam was grateful nothing happened to
his father during their childhood because he probably would have never seen
Dean again.
Sam was currently at the omega center working with an omega male that was about
8 on his spelling. Teaching really wasn’t Sam’s thing, but it was the first
step in getting the omegas integrated into with society or at least giving them
a fighting chance. Dean was working with some of the adult omegas in the other
room.
The omega Sam was working with was one of the lucky ones. He managed to get
sent to the center with his mother. He has two underage beta siblings that
survived and are in the care of other family members. Sam couldn’t understand
why the kid’s family didn’t want him and his mother, but the boy pretty much
summed it up for Sam. “Omegas are nothing.”
Sam didn’t know what to say to that so he gave his default answer. “Every life
is valuable and irreplaceable.”
The kid turned his head at Sam and gave him a funny look. He looked back and
forth to scan the room before he whispered. “My mom says that is why you keep
around that broken omega.” The kid frowned and looked away, “That will be me
someday, huh?”
Sam sighed and he gave the kid a reassuring smile. “Dean isn’t broken. He’s
been hurt in the past but some part of him always kept fighting. He is the
strongest person I know.”
The kid frowned and looked back at his paper. He crumpled it up in his hand and
then he pulled his hand away. He nearly whispered when he spoke, “I’m not
strong like that.” He let a couple tears fall and hit his paper then he looked
up at Sam and asked, “Do you think that someday one of my siblings will rescue
me from all of this like you did your brother?”
Sam clenched his jaw. He wanted to just give the poor kid a hug. But he knew he
couldn’t because that would be wrong. So Sam just nodded and said, “I don’t
know, but maybe, you won’t need rescuing. Maybe if Castiel is successful, you
can live your own independent life.” Sam put a fake smile on his face.
The kid frowned and whispered, “Maybe but I don’t even have a legal name. My
dad always called me Little Omega and my mom was just Omega.”
Sam was more than grateful to see the child’s mother come to collect him. He
waved at her as she helped pick up his coursework. She looked up at Sam and
smiled. Then to Sam’s horror, she approached him. He took a step back and hit
the wall. She said kindly, “Thank you for helping my son.” She looked around
and reached out a hand to touch Sam on the shoulder.
Sam put up his hands and said firmly, “Please don’t touch me.”
She frowned at Sam and pulled her hand back. She took a step back and said
casually, “If you ever want a real omega. I’m available.”
Sam took a couple deep breaths and said firmly, “I have a real omega. His name
is Dean. You may have met him I think he teaches the class you are in.” Sam
glanced up and saw Dean standing in the doorway with a shocked look on his
face.
The female omega rolled her eyes and said hatefully, “I think it is ridiculous.
You are one of two alphas left and you are running around with a nonfunctioning
omega.” She took a deep breath, “You know, my alpha may not have been perfect
but at least he didn’t torture me like whoever owned your broken toy before
you. When are you going to figure out that this is not the time for pet
projects?”
Sam nodded and stepped away from her towards Dean. His voice remained firm when
he spoke. “Exactly, I don’t need any pet projects. I have one omega and I am
not taking on another. Good night.” Sam walked over to Dean and kissed him on
the lips. He could tell it caught Dean off guard but Dean didn’t pull away.
Then Sam walked out of the classroom with Dean.
Once they were a safe distance down the hall, Dean reached out and grabbed
Sam’s arm to stop him. Sam turned to look at Dean and he said quietly, “Thanks,
Sam.”
++
After dinner that evening Sam and Dean went up to their room. Sam was paranoid
about having anal sex with Dean. He was afraid he was going to hurt him with
the change, so they had kept their sexual activities limited to Dean giving Sam
a hand job and Sam returning the favor. No matter how often Dean said he could
do it, Sam would not let Dean perform oral sex on him. Sam knew that Dean still
had jaw pain and oral sex would only make it worse. He knew he could live a
very fulfilling life without it, but Dean still seemed disappointed.
Sam was kissing Dean passionately and running his hands up and down Dean’s
body. It felt nice and honestly, he thought he could just do this and be
perfectly happy. Sam started to move his kisses behind Dean’s ear and he felt
Dean pull back. Sam leaned up as Dean tentatively ran his hands up and down
Sam’s chest. It took Sam a moment to catch his breath then he said, “Are you
okay, Dean?”
Dean glanced up at Sam and gave him a half smile before looking back down at
Sam’s body. He took a couple deep breaths and said quietly, “I want to do
more.”
Sam kissed Dean on the nose and whispered, “I don’t want to hurt you. You’re
too precious.”
Dean groaned and Sam couldn’t help but laugh. Before the change, there was no
way Dean would have ever expressed that sort of discontent. Sam nuzzled the
side of Dean’s neck like he used to before the change. Then he whispered into
Dean’s ear, “Okay, we can do anything you want except oral.”
Sam leaned back and waited for Dean to respond. Dean thought about what he
exactly he wanted. He wanted things to go back to the way they were before as
much as possible. He knew Sam would balk but Dean licked his lips and
tentatively said, “I want you to fuck me.” As an afterthought, Dean added,
“Please Sam.”
Sam sighed and rubbed a hand over his face before pulling back. He was nervous
when he spoke, “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Dean shook his head and smiled at Sam. He tried to sound confident but he knew
he failed, “You won’t. I just want to try.”
Sam nodded in defeat. He knew Dean was right. They had to try and Sam knew he
could stop if he did end up hurting Dean. Sam reached over toward the drawer
and pulled out the lube then he said firmly to Dean. “If it hurts, I need you
to tell me.”
Dean nodded in agreement. Then after Sam put some lubricant on his fingers,
Dean felt Sam reach in between his legs to his asshole. Sam had felt back here
on Dean before since the change and it just felt different. Dean was warmer for
one thing and his hole was tighter. Sam carefully started to rub around the rim
waiting for it to loosen while he kissed around Dean’s cheek and neck.
Sam went a step further this time than he had previously. He carefully inserted
a finger into Dean. He watched his brother’s face for any signs of discomfort
but he didn’t see any. Suddenly Sam had no idea what he was supposed to do.
When Dean was an omega, he would just open up for him rather easily. Now,
Dean’s hole was clenching down around him. Sam stilled his hand while he tried
to figure out if he did more if he was going to hurt Dean.
Dean moved his hand down Sam’s arm to his ass and said gently, “Sammy, just
move it around slowly back and forth stretching it. You’re not hurting me.”
Sam tentatively started moving his finger around. He took his other hand and
put it on Dean’s abdomen so he could feel if Dean’s muscles started to
contract. He was very focused on trying not to hurt Dean and stretch Dean out
that Sam lost his hard on. He carefully lubed up another finger and slowly put
it in. Then Sam felt Dean move a hand to his hip and then to his cock. Sam
jerked as Dean started to stroke him.
Dean smiled and looked away. He said quietly, “You need to relax.” For Dean,
this was familiar to him. His dad sometimes sold him to a beta who liked to get
a prostate massage. He knew Sam was nervous and Dean didn’t know whether to be
frustrated or grateful for Sam’s caution.
Sam leaned down and kissed Dean on the lips as he continued to work his fingers
around. He whispered in Dean’s ear, “I don’t want to hurt you or scare you.”
Sam brushed his fingers down with his words and Dean jumped slightly on the
bed. He stopped moving his fingers entirely and asked frantically, “Are you
okay? We should stop.”
Dean shook his head no and grabbed hold of Sam’s arm. “No, do that again.”
Tentatively, Sam brushed his fingers the same way again. He watched Dean
carefully and it looked like Dean liked it. Dean closed his eyes and tried to
buck his hip against Sam’s hand. He took a couple deep breaths and said, “You
found my prostate. It feels good.”
Sam nodded and continued working his fingers around. Seeing Dean enjoying
himself helped Sam relax a little and the lazy strokes Dean was giving his cock
definitely helped. It didn’t take long before Sam added another finger and
stretched Dean to the point he thought he was ready. He knew this was the
scariest part for him. Sam didn’t know how this would feel now that he didn’t
knot.
Sam lubed up his cock, probably with way too much, but with Dean not producing
slick anymore he didn’t want to chance to hurt Dean. He slowly positioned
himself and started to enter Dean. He moved slowly carefully watching Dean’s
face. Sam wasn’t sure if Dean was in pain or not so he asked, “Are you okay?”
Dean let out a slow breath and said softly, “I wish you would quit asking me
that. I trust you.”
Sam nodded and made his way all the way in and stopped. The sensation was
different. He wasn’t sure if it was a good different or not. The feel of Dean’s
ass around his cock felt tighter and more constricted. He was drier and warmer.
Slowly Sam started thrusting in and out. It felt nice and he found that moving
the way he did when he was an alpha wasn’t doing it for him.
So Sam repositioned himself a little so each downward thrust he was hitting
Dean’s prostate causing Dean to contract around him. This was nice and better.
He slowly started to move faster once he was sure Dean was not being hurt. It
had been so long since he’d done this. He felt his orgasm building quickly. Sam
was surprised when he felt himself come. He didn’t feel Dean’s body reacting
and clamping down around him.
In some ways, it made the experience very different and Sam wasn’t sure he
liked it as much as being able to knot Dean. Sam reached up a hand to stroke
Dean’s cock to finish him off. Sam’s cock was still moving inside of Dean as he
softened when Dean came. That caused Dean’s muscles to spasm and clamp around
him. It was an amazing feeling, Sam thought. Sam wondered how difficult it
would be to try to plan to come at the same time because that could almost make
up for not being able to knot.
Sam slowly pulled out of Dean and grabbed a tissue and wiped the come off of
Dean. Then he collapsed down on the bed next to Dean. He pulled his brother
into his arms and pulled the blankets up over them. Sam kissed Dean on the back
of the head and said happily, “That was good.”
Dean nodded and snuggled in a little closer, “It was good for me too.”
Sam nodded and he wondered if now that they are the same. Well, they will be
the same after Dean has his surgery if Sam could feel what Dean feels during
sex. He wondered if he was missing something, if maybe what Dean was
experiencing was better than knotting. Sam was contemplative when he spoke, “We
should try that the other way around.”
Dean scrunched up his brow and asked nervously, “What? Sam, I don’t want to be
a woman.”
Sam hugged Dean a little tighter and clarified, “Maybe you could put your dick
up my ass.”
Dean stilled in Sam’s arms and wondered if the change had made Sam go insane.
Sam was an alpha and alphas don’t do that. Alphas do not put objects, fingers,
or dicks up their asses. That just wasn’t the way it worked in Dean’s mind.
Dean shook his head no and said quietly, “Sam, you’re an alpha and alphas don’t
do that.”
Sam hummed and replied softly, “Well, if I do that then 50% of former alphas
the will do that. I think we should try.”
Dean looked up at Sam and made eye contact. He did not understand why Sam would
want to do that. He enjoyed anal sex now, but his first time had been horrible.
Now that Dean thought about it the first several times were horrible and he
didn’t know why Sam would want that. Dean closed his eyes and said quietly,
“Whatever pleases you, Sam.”
Sam gave a slight laugh and said softly, “Dean, we can take our time and make
sure we don’t tear or hurt me. Okay?”
Dean nodded and swallowed hard. He had a building dread inside of him of
hurting Sam, but if he was allowed to take it slow then hopefully he wouldn’t.
Carefully Dean asked, “Will you punish me if you don’t like it or if it hurts?”
Sam felt sad by Dean’s question but he understood. He nuzzled the back of
Dean’s neck and kissed behind his ear. He whispered, “No of course not. I would
never punish you.” 
***** Progress *****
The day of the surgery was tense for both Sam and Dean. They made it to the
clinic and Sam was fairly certain he could see fear in Dean’s eyes. Sam
wondered if Dean saw the same thing in his eyes. They were currently in the
prep room for surgery. Dean as laying on the gurney with an IV in his arm. He
was staring intently at the bag of fluid of above his head.
Sam put his hand on Dean’s trembling hand and said quietly, “It’s okay, Dean.
It is just some fluid to keep you hydrated.”
Dean looked up at Sam and wondered why that would matter. He knew he hadn’t
been able to eat or drink anything since midnight but this was hardly the
longest he had ever gone without water. He hoped this wasn’t a trick and that
they weren’t really just going to kill him. Dean thought it would be something
of an elaborate setup just to kill him, but he wouldn’t put anything past
clinics. Dean moved his gaze away from the bag to look at Sam.
Sam smiled at Dean and put a hand on the side of his brother’s face. Dean was
being silent like he always was at the clinic. He wished Dean would just tell
him what was wrong, but he knew Dean wouldn’t unless directly asked. So Sam did
what he could, he whispered reassurances to Dean and hoped Dean believed him.
It didn’t take long before they were taking Dean back to the operating room.
Sam kept a hand on Dean’s ankle as they wheeled him back. He could see Dean’s
eyes on him the whole time. Once they were in the room the doctor went to put a
mask over Dean’s face and he turned his head away. Calmly Sam said, “Dean, are
you sure about this?”
Dean nodded but looked up at Sam with tear filled and terrified eyes. Sam went
up to Dean and took his hand. He kissed Dean on the forehead then he rested a
hand on his hair. Sam kept eye contact with Dean as the mask was put back on
Dean’s face and Dean drifted off to sleep. He felt Dean’s hand go lax in his so
Sam lets it go and placed it back on the operating table. Then he stepped back
so the doctors could do their work.
Sam wanted to watch for one reason. He wanted to make sure they didn’t hurt
Dean or do anything he didn’t authorize, like turn Dean into a woman. Sam knew
he was being paranoid, but given the fact that the majority of people they met
were not nice to Dean. He figured he had a justifiable cause. Sam did find the
surgery nauseating. He didn’t like seeing Dean with a breathing tube or the
wires and tools coming out of him.
++
Dean was out for about 3 hours before he started to wake up. His vision was
completely white and it slowly started to fade into the post-operating room. He
could hear the beep of a machine and he could feel something on his arm and
index finger. Dean also felt pain in his abdomen. He groaned softly because he
was confused.
Then Dean felt someone put a hand on the side of his face. Dean turned and
looked at the person, it was Sam. Dean took a couple deep breaths and that
hurt. He whimpered but didn’t say anything. Sam gently said, “It’s okay, Dean.
I’m here. Are you in pain?” Dean nodded weakly as he fought to stay awake. Sam
asked him, “Do you want something for the pain?” Dean shook his head no. He
didn’t like being drugged.
Dean slowly felt himself being able to focus more. Then a nurse came in and
said to Sam, “He is stable so if you want to step out we can get him dressed
and disconnected from everything. Then the two of you can be on your way.” Dean
weakly grabbed onto Sam’s arm with her words. He did not want Sam to leave.
Sam smiled kindly at the nurse and said firmly, “How about you guys get him
disconnected from everything then I can help him get dressed? I’m not going
anywhere.”
The nurse nodded and was caught off guard, “Umm.. Sure.” She walked over to
Dean and gently undid the blood pressure cuff on his arm and removed the
monitor from his finger. Then she carefully took out his IV and put a bandage
on it. Dean remained still while she was doing this and looked the other way
the whole time.
After she left the room, Sam helped Dean sit up and Sam could tell Dean was in
pain. He asked carefully, “Are you okay, Dean?” Dean nodded but didn’t say
anything. Sam sighed, “Are you sure you don’t want anything for pain?” Dean
looked up at Sam briefly and then he looked away shaking his head no. Sam saw
defeat in getting Dean to agree to pain medicine so he worked the surgical gown
off Dean. Then he helped Dean pull a loose t-shirt over his head. Then Sam
carefully helped Dean slip into a pair of boxers and sweat pants. Finally, Sam
sat down on the floor and put on Dean’s socks and slippers.
Sam stood and helped Dean stand. Dean wobbled in his grip so Sam sat him back
down. Sam called for a nurse and she brought a wheelchair to help Dean out to
the car. Sam and the nurse eased him into the chair. Then after a few minutes,
Dean was loaded safely in the front seat of the Impala with Sam.
Once they got home Sam decided against trying to take Dean upstairs to their
bedroom. Instead, he helped Dean lay down on the sofa and gave him plenty of
pillows to prop himself up with to find a comfortable position. Then he put a
blanket over Dean and sat down on the coffee table to look at Dean. Quietly Sam
said, “Dean, do you need anything? Water? Another blanket or pillow?”
Dean shook his head no and said weakly, “I am a little thirsty.”
Sam nodded and got a glass of water from the kitchen. He handed it to Dean, but
he noticed Dean was having trouble with coordination. So Sam wrapped his hands
around the glass and helped guide it to Dean’s mouth. Then he pulled it away
and sat it down once Dean was done.
Dean looked over at Sam and he was grateful Sam was here and being kind to him.
He was in pain but he knew it would eventually fade. It wasn’t the worst pain
he had ever felt. Overall, though, Dean felt better. He didn’t think he was
different anymore. He was just a guy and that was what he wanted.
++
Sam spent the next few days playing mother hen, which Dean found rather
annoying after the first day. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate Sam’s help.
It was just that Sam was an alpha and he shouldn’t be having to wait on him.
Whenever Dean tried to tell Sam that, Sam would just roll his eyes and continue
doing whatever it was he was doing.
Dean decided not to complain about Sam taking care of him when he realized Sam
wouldn’t stop. He just wished Sam would do something for himself instead of
hovering over him. Dean also had to deal with Sam not wanting him to get up and
move around. He was currently laying on the sofa, per Sam’s orders, watching
Sam fold laundry. It bothered Dean because Sam was not folding the items neatly
enough. The ends of the towels did not line up completely and Dean knew that
could lead to punishment for him.
Dean sat up on the sofa and that got him a concerned look from Sam. He rubbed a
hand over his sore belly. He was in a lot less pain than the first couple days
but it was still sore and tight. Dean looked up when he heard Sam ask, “Are you
okay, Dean? Can I get you anything?”
Slowly Dean stood up. Sam quickly moved to his side and held on to his arm in
case he started to fall. Dean wanted to tell Sam he was fine and not at risk of
falling over, but he didn’t. Instead he just wearily said, “I can fold the
laundry for you, Sam.”
Sam sighed and recanted, “No Dean, you need to rest.”
Dean nodded and looked up at Sam. He knew Sam was just trying to do what he
thought was best. Quietly Dean said, “Folding laundry won’t break any of the
doctor’s orders. I need something to do. I feel useless.” He paused and added,
“Please Sam.”
For some reason, Sam always found himself relenting whenever Dean said please.
He wasn’t really sure why, but he did. Sam nodded and helped Dean over to where
he had been folding laundry. Dean eased himself down on the floor and started
folding. Sam hovered for a few moments. He wasn’t sure what to do. Finally, Sam
decided on backing off and sitting on the sofa to watch.
Sam was worried about Dean but Sam did notice that Dean seemed happier since
the surgery and his brother had stubbornly refused to take any pain medication.
Although, he did consent to rotate hot and cold packs for the first couple
days. Sam didn’t push the issue, even though he really wanted too. He knew how
Dean reacted to having to take medication, so he tread softly.
++
Slowly, Sam started to let Dean do more but the majority of Dean’s time was
spent sitting around while he recovered. Dean did enjoy not having to go to the
omega center and Sam didn’t go either. He wasn’t sure who was covering their
classes but Sam had told him not to worry about it. Dean was watching
documentaries with Sam when they heard a knock on the door.
Sam got up from where they were sitting and opened the door. He smiled when he
saw Castiel and opened the door further, “Hey Cas, please come in. How have you
been?”
Castiel looked at Sam briefly then his gaze fell to Dean. He noticed that Dean
looked a little pale. Bluntly Castiel said, “I am fine… Dean, are you sick?”
Dean glanced up at Castiel but Sam answered for him. “Dean had surgery a couple
weeks ago. He is still recovering.”
Castiel shot Sam a glare and said firmly, “Sam, did you do what everyone else
is doing? You should not objectify or mold Dean’s sexuality into what you
want.”
Dean spoke up from where he was sitting. “Sam didn’t do anything. He let me
chose and I wanted to get rid of the female parts. They were useless anyways
after what my dad did to me.”
Castiel sighed in relief, “Good. I have been fighting a losing battle on trying
to give omega males the choice.” He paused, “But that is not what I came here
for.”
Sam raised an eyebrow and asked curiously, “Oh?”
Castiel smiled and said proudly, “Tomorrow, you will be able to go down to the
courthouse and get Dean a legal name. Omegas haven't considered property
anymore but wards of either the state or their family.” Castiel shrugged and
looked at Sam, “Nothing changes as far as your ability to legally control Dean.
The main thing is you can’t euthanize him and he gets a name. It is a big
step.”
Sam smiled wildly. He walked over and hugged Dean who was just staring blankly
off into space taking in the information. Sam kissed Dean on the side of the
face and said happily, “Is that great Dean?”
Dean looked over at Sam and shrugged. He asked quietly, “What happens if I
become legally equal to you? Will you leave me?”
Sam closed his eyes for a moment then he leaned forward and kissed Dean on the
forehead. He said firmly, “No, never. You’ll still be mine and I will still be
yours.”
Castiel sat down in one of the chairs and asked calmly, “So obviously Dean’s
first name is going to be Dean, but what about his last and middle name.”
Sam thought for a moment then he asked Dean carefully. “Do you want the same
last name as me, Dean?”
Dean glanced up at Sam and then he looked away. It was something he hadn’t
honestly thought about. He wondered if it would be confusing if they both had
the same last name. Dean knew that sometimes people called Sam, Mr. Winchester.
He didn’t want to cause any confusion. He knew that alpha and beta siblings
often had the same last name as their father. Dean wasn’t sure if he wanted
John’s last name but then Dean reminded himself it wasn’t just John’s last
name. It was Sam’s last name and Henry’s last name.
Carefully Dean said, “I don’t know. I don’t want to cause any confusion with
you.”
Sam nodded and said softly, “Dean, if you were born a beta or an alpha, you
would have been Dean Winchester. I would be honored if you wanted the same last
name as your little brother.”
Dean smiled and looked at Sam. He saw the sincerity in Sam’s face. Dean nodded
in agreement and said quietly, “Okay Sam, I will have the same last name as
you.”
Sam hugged Dean and kissed him the side of his head. He was having trouble
controlling his excitement. He happily asked, “What about a middle name?”
Dean shrugged and said nervously, “I’ve honestly never thought about it, Sam. I
never thought that I would actually be given a legal name.”
Castiel spoke up helpfully, “A middle name is more a formality. Gabriel always
said it was a backup name in case you grew up not to like the name your parents
gave you.”
Sam laughed and said conversationally, “I hate my middle name and I don’t use
it on anything.”
Castiel asked curiously, “What is your middle name Sam?”
Sam glared at Castiel but didn’t say anything. Dean looked at Sam then at
Castiel. Dean shrugged and said, “I thought it was the norm for alpha children
to have their father’s first name as their middle name.”
Sam sighed and said in a defeated voice, “Yes, it is. My middle name is John.”
Dean frowned because he couldn’t think of a middle name. Sam gave Dean a sad
smile and said helpfully. “You don’t need a middle name if you don’t want one.”
Dean shook his head and said quietly, “Sam, I would feel better if you made
this decision for me.”
Sam nodded and rubbed a reassuring hand on Dean’s back. He felt Dean relaxing
into the touch. Sam said quietly, “Let me think on it and then we can discuss
the possibilities.”
***** Finding Happiness *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Dean stared intently at a piece of paper as him and Sam drove home from the
courthouse. It had a name for him on it. Having a name and being recognized as
a person was more than Dean could ever hope for in life. But yet it had
happened. He had a name and he was happy. Dean smiled at the piece of paper. It
meant so much to him.
The only thing that worried Dean while they were at the courthouse is when Sam
had to give names of people to care for him in the event of Sam’s death. He
didn’t like thinking about that. Dean noticed Sam was a little hesitant but
Dean saw that Sam wrote down Bobby’s and Castiel’s names. He wasn’t sure about
either of them owning him and he hoped he would never have to deal with that.
Sam wasn’t technically his owner anymore either which had Dean feeling off
balance. Sam was his legal guardian. Dean sat the paper down on his lap and
looked over at Sam. To Dean, it didn’t look like any of this phased Sam but it
was such a huge change he couldn’t understand how it wouldn’t affect Sam. Dean
liked the way things were and he didn’t want that to change. But this paperwork
clearly meant change.
Dean spoke quietly, “Sammy, I don’t want this to change anything between us.”
Sam glanced at Dean and thought that maybe he was worried about being abandoned
again. Dean had been showing great progress. He wasn’t as much frightened
anymore and he had almost completely stopped cowering away from people. Dean
had even started to express how he feels. Carefully Sam said, “Dean, I am proud
of everything you’ve accomplished. You are still finding yourself, but I won’t
leave you. It’s still us. We are still together.”
Dean nodded and asked nervously, “What happens if you die, though? I don’t want
to mate with Bobby or Castiel.”
Sam looked at Dean for a moment and wondered if having a sexual relationship
with Dean confused him. He knew it was too late to stop even it had. Stopping
now would only cause further confusion on Dean’s part. Sam asked bluntly to see
what Dean’s thoughts on the matter were, “Do you have sex with me because you
feel a sense of duty towards me or because you want to?”
Dean balked at the question and answered quickly, “Because I want too. I like
it when you touch me and we do those things.”
Sam nodded and asked, “What makes you think Bobby or Cas would touch you like
that if you didn’t want it?”
Dean shrugged and said quietly, “Because of what I am.”
Sam gave Dean a sad smile and grabbed onto his brother’s hand. He gave it a
light squeeze and said reassuringly, “Dean, because of who you are and who they
are is the reason why they would never do that to you. You’ll never be
obligated to do anything like that with them or anyone. I promise.” He paused
and added, “You’re also not obligated to do any of that with me.”
Dean nodded and said quietly, “Just don’t die, Sammy.”
Sam smiled and said, “I’ll try not to die.”
Dean smiled and looked back down at his paper. He read his name, Dean Robert
Winchester. Sam thought it would be fitting if Dean was given the middle name
of the only father figure they had growing up. So he was given Bobby’s formal
name, Robert, as a middle name. It made Dean happy to have a name.
++
Bobby was happy Dean had a name. It didn’t do much for his rights but it was a
step. A small step but a step none the less. He was surprised when Sam wanted
Dean’s middle name to be Robert. It made him smile. He was currently setting up
a little surprise party for Dean since he got a name. Bobby knew it was a silly
little thing, but Dean never got to have a party because of him. So why not?
Bobby was hanging a little banner across the living room with Castiel’s help.
Castiel secured his side and looked back at Bobby. He asked seriously, “Do you
think this will startle Dean?”
Bobby just shrugged and secured his side before stepping off the chair. He
smiled at Cas. “I hope he understands that he is worth something and is
important to us.” Bobby set out a couple snacks on the table and Dean’s
favorite type of pie. He didn’t quite understand why Dean loved pie so much but
he never questioned it.
Sam walked through the front door of the house followed by Dean. Sam smiled at
the decorations and Dean took a step back like he was afraid. Sam turned and
grinned at Dean. He hugged Dean tightly and kissed him on the cheek. Then he
rubbed his hands up and down Dean’s arms. Sam happily said, “This is your
little party, Dean, for receiving a name. Isn’t that great?”
Dean didn’t say anything. He just had a sense of complete terror overtake him.
He felt himself start to shake and his mind started to go a little fuzzy. He
didn’t know what any of this meant, but he knew what it was like to be the
focal point of an evening. Dean knew that meant pain and other things he would
rather not think about. He felt his breathing start to increase and the edges
of his vision started to blur.
He felt hands on him, strong hands. They were taking hold of him and lowering
him to the floor. Then he felt someone wrap their arms around him and hold on
to him. Dean couldn’t smell the scent of who it was. That was taken away from
him with the change. He was scared to find who it might be. Dean didn’t want to
know if it was anyone but Sam or if Sam had set him up. He didn’t want to know
if Sam had spent all these months being kind to him, only to break him down
again.
Sam wasn’t sure what came over Dean. He was holding Dean on the floor
whispering reassurances in his ear that he was fairly certain Dean wasn’t
hearing right now. He knew this was a panic attack. Sam just didn’t know how to
ease Dean’s pain and stop whatever was going on in his head. He wished he had
the answers, but he didn’t.
Sam heard Castiel speak with concern, “Is he okay?”
Sam looked up and nodded he gave Cas a sad smile. He was quiet when he spoke
because he knew that raising his voice could set Dean off even more. Dean may
not be able to smell his scent anymore, but Sam knew Dean still recognized his
voice. “I think we just caught him a little off-guard. Once he gets calmed
down, we can explain things to him and I am sure we will be fine.”
Castiel nodded but looked worried. He hesitantly said, “Maybe I should go?”
Sam shook his head no and looked up at Cas. “I think you’re okay. Dean trusts
you.”
Castiel nodded and sat down on the sofa. He wasn’t really sure what to do but
he decided staying out of the way would be the best course of action. He didn’t
like seeing Dean this upset and he knew it was because of how he was treated by
alphas in the past.
Dean slowly started to hear someone whispering in his ear telling him it was
okay and to take deep breaths. He listened intently to the voice as he tried to
control his breathing. As his breathing became steadier he recognized the
voice. It was Sam. He curled into Sam a little bit as he calmed himself. Even
though he fears the day Sam will turn on him; he still finds comfort in Sam.
Dean felt a thumb wiping at his face so he opened his eyes. It was Sam wiping
away his tears. He glanced up at Sam before looking back down. He mumbled out,
“Sorry, Sam.”
Sam gave Dean a light squeeze and kissed him on the top of the head. He asked
quietly, “Are you okay, Dean?”
Dean nodded then added, “Yes, Sam.” He didn’t want to set Sam off on an evening
that seemed to have bad things in store for him.
Sam kept his voice quiet when he spoke, “I am sorry we upset you. We wanted to
do something special for you since you got a name today.”
Dean didn’t know what to say to that for sure. He didn’t really know for
certain what to make of this event. His voice was a little hoarse when he
asked, “Are you going to hurt me and make me do things?”
Sam scrunched up his brow as he looked at Dean. He adamantly said, “No Dean. No
one is going to touch you or say mean things to you. This is about celebrating
an important marker in your life. A good celebration where nothing bad will
happen.”
++
Sam was right, Dean thought. Nothing bad happened at the party. It was little
awkward because he didn’t know how to react or what to say. He wasn’t sure what
to make of them having his favorite things and he wondered if he had made his
likes so obvious. He got to have pie and burgers which were a great thing for
him.
Bobby let him do something he had never done before too. Bobby gave Dean a
beer. With the first sip Dean thought it tasted terrible but then it started to
grow on him. He only had one but he could still feel it. Dean wasn’t sure he
liked the effect it had on him. It made his mind go a little fuzzy, almost like
he when he was drugged. Dean decided he was going to stay away from the
alcohol. He was relieved when Sam said that was fine and didn’t push the issue.
Dean did get something odd. He got a small gift from each person there. No one
aside from Sam had ever given him anything on special days. Dean remembered Sam
drawing him pictures for his birthday each year when they were kids. He
remembered that he always use to hide them in Sam’s duffel bag so their father
wouldn’t destroy them. Dean didn’t even know if Sam noticed until today.
Sam gave Dean a small box which he opened carefully. Inside he found all the
pictures Sam had drawn him when Sam was a kid. But he also found letters
written to him after Sam went to live with Bobby. Sam wrote him a letter every
year, but never sent it. Dean read each letter intently. In every letter, Sam
talked about his life, school, and how much he missed him.
Dean never knew Sam did that. He knew Sam found birthdays special. He got a
letter from Sam on his birthday this year after Sam took ownership of him and
they spent the night out on their old car in the salvage yard watching the
clouds as snow fell on them. He remembered his nose getting cold and hiding his
face in the crook of Sam’s arm. It was one of his happiest memories.
From Bobby, Dean got a radio so he could listen to music while he worked out in
the yard. Bobby told him the number for the classic rock station. It was a
small thing but it meant the world to Dean. He really wasn’t sure how Bobby
figured out he liked classic rock. He knew he preferred to listen to the music
Bobby listened to as opposed to the stuff Sam listened too. But he never voiced
that, so Dean thought he must not be hiding as well as he thought.
Castiel gave Dean a book on adoption. Dean thought that was odd, but the
Castiel explained to him that since he and Sam are both male. They can’t have a
child, however, they could always adopt. Castiel told him it wasn’t something
for them to do right now but down the road when the time was right. Dean wasn’t
sure how he felt about adopting a child or raising a child. He didn’t think he
would make a very good parent, regardless of what Sam said.
Dean was now lying in bed with the heating pad on his face. He could hear Sam
doing something in the bathroom. He felt safe and happy. He remembered when he
didn’t know what happiness was and now he thinks he found it. Dean knew that he
wasn’t completely healed from his past and he didn’t know if he ever could be.
But what he did know is that because of Sam, he had a chance. 
Chapter End Notes
     This is the last chapter. Thank you to everyone for reading. I never
     expected so many people to read this work.
     I appreciate all the feedback and the kudos given on this work. None
     of it was expected or even asked for, so thank you all for taking the
     time to let me know what you thought.
***** The Case of Sam *****
The much-requested sequel to this story can be found via the link below. I hope
everyone enjoys.
 
http://archiveofourown.org/works/4532460/chapters/10314588
 
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