Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1948107.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Major_Character_Death, Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      Everybody_Else_(Band), Hanson_(Band)
  Relationship:
      Zac_Hanson/Avery_Hanson, Kate_Hanson/Zac_Hanson, Avery_Hanson/Carrick
      Moore_Gerety, Taylor_Hanson/Avery_Hanson, Natalie_Hanson/Taylor_Hanson
  Character:
      Zac_Hanson, Avery_Hanson, Taylor_Hanson, Kate_Hanson, Carrick_Moore
      Gerety, Junia_Hanson, Diana_Hanson, Zoe_Hanson, Walker_Hanson, Shepherd
      Hanson, Natalie_Hanson
  Additional Tags:
      Sibling_Incest, Suicide, Alternate_Universe, Brother/Sister_Incest,
      Cunnilingus, Explicit_Sexual_Content, Timelines, Flashbacks, Romance,
      Pregnancy, First_Time, Loss_of_Virginity, Marijuana, Weddings, Tour_Bus
      Sex, Tour_Bus, Jealousy, Older_Man/Younger_Woman, Fan_Soundtracks, Fanmix
  Series:
      Part 1 of Stay
  Collections:
      NaNoWriMo_2013
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-08-12 Completed: 2013-11-13 Chapters: 28/28 Words: 44426
****** The Broken One ******
by sparkinside_(boomersoonerash)
Summary
     Avery never knew that one day she'd have to go through life without
     her brother, the one who used to be her rock. The one she hurt the
     most. Now after his suicide she is left to put the puzzle pieces of
     why he did it back together.
Notes
     Disclaimer: This is a fictional story. None of this story is true and
     I am in no way associated with Hanson and Everybody Else. I do own
     any original characters. Also, please do not translate this unless
     you ask me for permission first. Thanks!
***** Chapter 1 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "You're lying mom," I say hoping that this was just some
     sick and twisted joke that my family had cooked up.
Chapter Notes
The Broken One Chapter One
Waking as the sun came through the window of my apartment, I open my eyes and
sit up begrudgingly, wiping at my eyes. I wasn't a morning person but it seems
my job calls for me to be one. "Stupid fucking job," I whisper to myself as I
leave the comfort of my bed and make my way down the hall.
Making it to the kitchen, I smile seeing both of my roommates already up and
looking as pissed as I feel.
"Nice to know I'm not the only one who hates early mornings," I laugh as I walk
to the fridge and open it, finding a jug of orange juice. Taking the jug out I
put it on the counter as I get a glass down from one of the cabinets.
"I don't think anyone likes early mornings," Jonathan, my male roommate speaks
up from the table he is sitting at.
I shrug and pour myself a glass of orange juice once I have the glass down.
After the orange juice is poured I smile feeling Hannah take the jug from me,
"Actually," I say taking a drink of my orange juice. "My brother Zac has always
been a morning person," I laugh as I remember how Zac always had a habit of
waking everyone up early when he lived at home.
Jonathan snorts some at my words, "Zac is a special breed," he shrugs before
picking up the newspaper.
"That he is," I agree as I look at Hannah who now also has a glass of orange
juice. "Do you want to get a shower first?" I ask her. I knew that one day,
Hannah, Jonathan and I would have to come to a bathroom schedule but for now
things seem to be okay the way they are.
Hannah sips on her orange juice and raises an eyebrow, "You sure you would be
okay with that?" she asks me as if she is doubting my question.
"I'll be fine with it," I nod and give her a smile. "Honestly, I don't mind
waiting today," I tell her hoping I said as sincere as my words. Today was a
Monday and I want to still be lazy and prolong my getting to work.
"Then I will go first," Hannah replies as she finishes off her orange juice and
puts the glass in the sink. "I won't be long," she says as she leaves the
kitchen in a hurry.
I can't help but laugh as I watch Hannah leave in a hurry. Getting to the
kitchen table, I have just set my glass down when I hear the phone ring.
"Who the hell is calling this early?" Jonathan asks as he furrows his brow and
stands from the table, deciding to be the one to get the phone this time.
I sit down and shrug, "Who knows? Probably some telemarketer," I say rolling my
eyes. Lately we had been getting calls from tons of them it seemed. Taking a
few drinks of my orange juice, I watch Jonathan talk for a few seconds with
whoever is on the phone. When he turns to face me I raise an eyebrow.
Jonathan chews his lip as he turns and holds the phone out to me, "It's your
mom Avery," he whispers as he frowns. "She sounds really upset."
Hearing that my mom was on the other end, I feel my heart begin to beat in my
chest when Jonathan says she sounds upset. I stand from the table, feeling like
the walk to the phone was the longest walk I have ever taken. The whole way
there I keep wondering if something has happened to my dad. That is the only
reason I could see my mother being so upset and calling at six in the morning
Tulsa time.
When I reach the phone, I take the receiver from Jonathan and chew on my lip,
"Hello," I say feeling my heart hammering even faster in my chest now.
"Avery," my mom says once she hears my voice on the line. "I...I...I have some
bad news," she stutters at first and it sounds like she is trying to fight back
tears.
I just frown at her voice. It sounds like she has been crying for awhile, heck
it sounds like she is still crying. "What is it?" I ask afraid of just what the
bad news was. I almost feel sick to my stomach waiting on my mother's answer.
I hear her pause briefly and I know in my gut she is trying to keep herself
composed long enough to tell me whatever it is.
"Zac is dead," she says just getting to the point. "Kate found him at the
office overnight. He shot himself in the head," she speaks again, her voice
breaking at her last words.
I go silent after my mother's words. Zac is dead. The guy I had been talking
about minutes earlier. He is gone and never coming back. This has to be a
really bad dream.
"You're lying mom," I say hoping that this was just some sick and twisted joke
that my family had cooked up.
"I wish I were Avie baby," my says again and I can hear her start crying again.
"K..Kate is going to the funeral home sometime today to make arrangements. I'll
call you when I know them so you can come home," she sighs and then I hear the
phone go dead.
Once the phone goes dead I just stand there still holding onto the receiver for
what seems like the longest time. Finally though, I drop the receiver as I fall
to the floor, watching as the phone's receiver just dangles in the air.
Everything just feels too much like a dream for it to be real. Zac can't be
dead. My older brother hasn't committed suicide.
Ave?" Jonathan asks as he walks from where he had been standing in the kitchen,
to where I now sit on the floor. "Are you okay?"
I turn my head and look at Jonathan, trying to find the words to say to tell
him what I have just found out. Instead I am only able to shake my head as I
feel tears coming down my cheeks. When did I start to cry?
Jonathan frowns and bends down to me, pulling me to him as I cry more, "You'll
be okay, whatever it is," he reassures me as he rubs my back.
"No," I whisper finally able to talk. "I won't be okay," I mutter in between
sobs. "Zac is dead," I finally confess as I bury my head in Jonathan's neck.
"He shot himself at the office last night.
Jonathan holds me closer as he continues to rub my back but he doesn't say
anything. Maybe he just doesn't know what to say right now so he is just
staying silent and letting me cry.
I just cry harder now and close my eyes, wanting so badly to wake up and find
out this is a dream but I know deep down it isn't. I know deep down Zac is
really dead. That he has actually committed suicide.
After a while I pull away from Jonathan's embrace and wipe at my eyes. "I need
to call in for work and then pack," I say trying to compose myself long enough
to do both of those things. "I need my brother back," I mutter as I turn away
from Jonathan and walk to my room, new tears coming down my cheeks.
The whole walk to my room I have an ache in my chest. An ache I can't describe
nor can I get rid of. I, Avery Laurel Hanson am not sure just how I will cope
now that I have lost Zac. He was the one person who had been my rock. The one
person I had wound up hurting the most as well.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "Mommy said he was only gone for a little while and one day
     I would see him again," she frowns as she kicks her feet.
The Broken One Chapter Two
The next few days seem to fade into a blur for me. I had gotten a call from my
mom eventually, saying that Kate had planned for Zac to have a memorial service
next week as his wishes were to be cremated. I had also eventually called into
work after finding out and asked for time off. Time that I wish I didn't have
to take.
Now fours days have passed since I found out Zac was dead and I am standing in
the middle of the Tulsa airport looking for my mother. Holding my luggage
closer to me, I sigh and look around, a few stray hairs flying up as I do so.
"Where the hell are you?" I speak under my breath as I walk a few feet away
from the baggage claim. I wish I would have asked my mother when we decided she
would pick me up, just where she would be standing.
Finally hearing someone calling my name, I turn, relieved to see my mother.
Walking the short distance to her, I chew on my lip as I see her holding Junia
on her hip.
Mom puts on a fake smile as she sees me walk over to her, "I had to bring
Junia," she says as I look down at Junia. "Kate can't handle the kids right
now. Your dad agreed to watch Shepherd but little miss Junebug wanted to come
with me."
I just nod at my mom's words. I'd be lying if I say seeing Junia wasn't a
painful reminder of Zac. It was a painful reminder of how I had hurt Zac.
"I guess I can understand Kate not being able to watch her," I say as I try to
push out the memories of Zac from my mind. As long as I don't think of Zac I am
fine. I wasn't a crying mess. "Let's go home," I smile as I move past my mom
and head toward the doors which lead me outside.
Once we were outside, I let my mother pass me as we walk to the black SUV.
Reaching the SUV I wait until my mom has opened the back hatch and then I put
both of my suitcases in the back as my mother goes to put Junia in her car
seat.
After my suitcases are put away, I close the hatch and got to the front of the
car, getting in the passenger side of the car and buckling up as my mom starts
the car and drives off.
"Aunt Avie?" Junia asks from the backseat.
I turn my head and look at the almost three year old little girl.
"Daddy is on a trip," she says once I am looking at her. "Mommy said he was
only gone for a little while and one day I would see him again," she frowns as
she kicks her feet. "Do you know just when I will see him again?"
I sigh at Junia's words and turn to look at my own mother, not sure what to say
to the child. How do you tell a child they will never see their daddy again? I
hate that Kate has just said Zac went away on a trip. Kate should have been
honest with her even if she wouldn't understand it right now. She will
understand it one day.
My mom looks back at me and just frowns, tears threatening to spill out from
her eyes, "Junebug, you will see your daddy one day when you least expects,"
she says her voice wavering. I know she isn't sure exactly what to say either.
"One day when you are older and least expect it."
Junia goes silent after mom speaks and I turn back to see her looking out the
window. After she turns to look out the window, I turn my head and look
straight ahead at the cars in front of us, going silent. I am glad my niece is
no longer asking questions that no one has answers too.
"How are you holding up?" my mom asks me after I go silent.
Looking at her again I shrug, "Not good," I mutter deciding to be honest. "I
have times where I just break down crying for no reason. I just get so
overwhelmed and I start to miss Zac."
My mother nods at my words, "I do too," she says and I see a few tears go down
her cheeks after she speaks. It's nice to know I am not alone in my reactions.
"I think everyone is like that right now."
"Even dad?" I ask knowing I have never once seen my dad cry.
"Even your dad," Mom confirms as she pulls into the driveway.
I just stay silent at my mom's words. Watching as she gets out and then gets
Junia out, I stay in the car, unable to move or go inside. I don't know why I
don't want too, maybe because I don't want to be around other grieving family
members or maybe because I don't want to be around Junia, the reminder of the
hurt I had placed on Zac.
Unbuckling finally, I still stay in the car as I feel tears building in my eyes
and soon going down my cheeks. I was feeling that familiar feeling of pain and
hurt again.
"I just want him back God," I speak as I look at the roof the SUV. "Just bring
him back to me. I need my brother back," I choke out as I feel even more tears
come to my eyes.
When nothing but silence fills the car I frown and wipe at my eyes. Reaching my
shaking hand out, I grab the door handle and open the door, soon leaving the
car and heading inside. Hearing laughter from the kitchen I figure my mom is in
there with both of the children so I turn and head upstairs. I will get my
luggage out of the car later. Right now I just want to lay down on my bed and
mope.
Making it upstairs, I head to the room which had been designated as mine every
time I have came in for a visit. Cracking the door, I slip my shoes off and
walk over to the bed, falling back and staring at the ceiling. I wasn't sure
when the empty feeling inside of me would go away but I wish it would. I hate
it.
Closing my eyes I drift off to sleep, only to be awoken a few hours later by a
light knock on my door. Opening my eyes, I raise an eyebrow and sit up, seeing
my younger sister Zoe standing the doorway.
"Mom fixed dinner and she wanted to know if you coming down to eat?" Zoe asks
as she walks just a little ways into the room.
I sigh and run a hand through my hair, "Are the kids still here?"
Zoe looks confused by my question, "Shepherd and Junia?" she asks and I can
still see the confusion written all over her face.
I just nod at her question.
"Yeah they are here still," Zoe confirms. "What does that have to do with
anything?
Sighing, I look away from Zoe. She won't understand my reasoning behind not
wanting to be around Junia. "I just don't think I can face them right now. All
I see is Zac," I mutter as I keep my gaze away from my baby sister.
Zoe just stands there in silence for awhile and I'm almost scared of what she
will say next. If she has her doubts about my words. "Okay," she says and I
look up in enough time to see her nod. "I'll tell mom you won't be down," she
shrugs before she turns and leaves the room.
Once Zoe is gone I look at the door before breaking down in tears again. As I
cry I can't help but remember. Remember how I had caused Zac so much pain and
hurt. What if that had been the reason why he committed suicide? What if I had
been the reason why?
Laying back on the bed again I try to stop crying and eventually I succeed and
close my eyes, drifting off to sleep again. My dreams full of Zac and how this
whole mess started. How I ruined everything.
***** June 2,2006 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "How about that cute redhead you dated the last time you and
     Kate broke up?" I ask trying to remember the girls name.
The Broken One Chapter Three
I roll my eyes as I sit on the back deck at my parents house. The one that
leads to the pool. It's where my parents are hosting Zac's wedding party as he
is getting married tomorrow. He is marrying that friend of Natalie's that none
of us have liked since we met her, or maybe that is just me.
As I look over at Zac talking to her and a group of their friends, I just roll
my eyes again and stand from the table where I am sitting at. I'm not sure I
can do anymore of this putting up a fake happy face when I know my brother is
making a huge mistake in marrying Kate.
Brushing past Zac as I walk back to the house, I don't even look back, soon
getting inside and slipping off the sandals I had been wearing. Leaving them
laying by the back door I head upstairs to my room, deciding to take the set of
steps that is in the kitchen. I am kind of happy that everyone seems to be
outside. I really don't want to have to lie to anyone about why I came inside
and ditched the party early.
When I am in my room, I walk to the bed and sit down, grabbing my sketchbook
and a pencil off the floor. Flipping through until I get to a blank page, I
start to sketch not even paying attention to anything else. As I sketch I soon
hear a knock at my bedroom door and I look away from the book, chewing on my
lip as my brown eyes connect with his own.
"Zac," I say as I lay the sketchbook down beside me on the bed. "I..shouldn't
you be outside at your party?" I ask as I raise my eyebrow.
Zac just laughs as he leans against my doorframe, crossing his arms. I know
it's wrong but at my tender age of fifteen, I find him really attractive. I
know it goes against every teaching I have heard my whole life thanks to my
ultra christian, conservative parents but for the past year I have been
questioning everything they ever installed in me.
"Shouldn't you be at the party as well?" he asks me as he keeps his eyes locked
on mine. I'm not sure why but it unnerves me.
I shrug and tear my eyes away from his, "I just wasn't having fun," I say
honestly as look down at my carpeted floor. I decide it's better than looking
in Zac's eyes right now. I hate that my own brother has been giving me
butterflies and I hate that I have no control over this silly crush on him.
I hear him step inside my room a little farther but I refuse to look up at him.
"How come you weren't having fun Avie?" he asks sounding confused. I don't
blame him for sounding confused. It's not like anyone else knows I dislike
Kate.
I just shrug again and keep looking at the floor, "I'm not sure," I lie. It's a
pathetic lie but it's all I can come up with right now.
"You don't have to lie to me," Zac says his voice sounding much closer to me
then before.
I soon find out why it sounds so close as he sits down next to me on the bed.
Finally looking away from the carpet I look at him wondering if I could tell
him the truth. If I could tell him that I left because I think the wedding
tomorrow is one huge mistake.
Chewing my lip I know I will tell him. I have always told him everything. "I
think you are making a mistake by marrying Kate," I tell him as I look at him
nervously, scared of his reaction. "I don't think she is the one for you."
Zac looks at me like his utterly surprised by what I had to say. Of course he
is, I have always played nice around Kate. I'm too nice to ever be mean to
anyone. "Why do you think that?" he asks as he chews on his bottom lip. Again
his eyes lock with mine.
Feeling those familiar butterflies again in my stomach, I try my best to ignore
them, "Because she is a bitch," I mutter letting a curse word fly from my
mouth. I normally try not to cuss, especially in front of my parents.
"Wow," Zac says after I call Kate a bitch. "You really think she is a bitch?"
he asks as he raises an eyebrow at me, questioning what I just said.
I nod, "I don't just think it. She is a bitch," I say matter of fact. "She is
constantly downing you about things, like your weight. She can be so cruel and
vicious to you," I frown. "And she has dumped you numerous times. I just think
you should marry someone else Zac."
Zac stays silent for the longest time after I speak. When I hear him clear his
throat though, I know he is about to talk again, "Who do you think I should
marry then Avery?" he asks me as he licks his lips.
"How about that cute redhead you dated the last time you and Kate broke up?" I
ask trying to remember the girl's name. Now she was someone I could see Zac
marrying one day.
He laughs some at my mention of her, "Spencer?"
"Yeah, Spencer," I tell him as I cross my arms. "Get back together with her and
marry her. Now she would be right for you."
He laughs again and shakes his head, "Kind of hard to marry someone who moved
away to Nashville. Anyway, last I heard she was dating some dude who looked
like Ryan Gosling."
I just look down and sigh, "You could go after her," I suggest as I chew my
lip. Besides her I am trying to think of someone, anyone else that Zac could
marry besides Kate. I don't want my brother to ruin his life. I can't let him
do that.
"I don't want to go after her Avie," he says and I look back up at him and roll
my eyes. "No one else wants me," he says before looking away now. "You think I
want to actually marry her?" he asks me, now letting out a bitter laugh. "No
one else wants me but her. I'm not good enough for anyone else so I'm choosing
the easy option Avery and I do love her, just not like I should, but maybe one
day. You'll understand one day what I mean Avery, when you are old enough to be
in love."
Frowning at his words I sigh, "I want you," I blurted out without even
thinking. "I'll want you and I'll take you if no one else will."
Zac looks at me again and laughs as if he thinks I am joking, "Funny joke
Avie," he says as stands from the bed, soon turning to walk away.
As he does so, I stand from the bed as well and go after him, grabbing his arm
I turn him around and pull him into a kiss to prove that I'm not joking. I know
the kiss is wrong and right now I am desperate but oh well. What's the harm it
could do to anyone?
Feeling Zac respond to the kiss briefly before pulling away and looking at me
as if I have lost my mind, I am really scared now. Maybe I have done harm by
kissing him.
"The hell Avery," he spits out as his eyes widen and he just shakes his head.
"That was probably the most disgusting thing you could have done," he says
before glaring at me. "You're my sister and whatever sick fantasies or joke
this is needs to stop," he says his voice raising some before he turns away
again and heads out of the room.
I just stand there as he leaves and my attention is brought to the door again
as Jessica now stands there confused.
"Why the heck did he leave out of here like a bat out of hell?" she asks as she
looks at me for an answer.
I shrug and sit back down on my bed, "I have no clue," I lie before picking up
my sketchbook and starting to work on the sketch I had been doing before Zac
even came up here. After Zac's reaction to that kiss I am now officially scared
to even face him at his wedding tomorrow. I am afraid to do my duty as one of
Kate's bridesmaids.
***** June 3,2006 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "Zac," I whisper as I step closer to him, making a face as
     he unintentionally blows smoke in my face as he turns to face me.
     "What are you doing?"
The Broken One Chapter Four
Entering the reception hall the next day after Zac's wedding, I look around
until I find Jessica. If I stay close to her then I will be fine. I have been
trying to avoid Zac as much as I can and besides the family pictures that we
took at alter I think I am doing a good job.
I'm afraid that he is still mad about the kiss from last night, which of course
he has every right to be mad about. I know I shouldn't have kissed him. I
shouldn't but I was desperate.
I may have also hated the fact that the kiss made whatever strange attraction I
felt towards Zac that much worse. I am one sick individual and I'm sure I am
going to hell one day.
"Earth to Avery," a voice says bringing me out of my thoughts and I look at
Jessica, raising an eyebrow. "You want to go sit down beside Stephanie and
Ashley?" she asks pointing to two of our long time friends.
"Sure," I smile as I lead the way over to the table where they are sitting at.
I know I am failing at doing a good job at pretending nothing is wrong with me.
I am doing a bad job at showing that I am somewhere else right now.
When we reach the table, I sit down and give a smile to both Stephanie and
Ashley while Jessica immediately starts to talk to them. Jessica is always good
at talking to people where I tend to keep to myself sometimes, especially when
something is bothering me.
"So, Avery," Ashley speaks and I turn to look at her. "Any special boys yet in
your life?" she asks so innocently and I immediately blush at the thought. "I
think I was your age when I had my first boyfriend."
I just laugh some and reach down taking off the god forsaken heels Kate had all
the bridesmaids wear, "There is this one boy," I admit as my mind drifts off to
Zac. "But he is older than me and I just don't think it will ever happen," I
say not revealing the whole truth.
Ashley just smirks at my words, "Aww, you never know," she shrugs. "Sometimes
the things you think will never happen do."
"Trust me, this one won't," I tell her as I stand up, holding onto my heels.
"I'm going to go get some fresh air, it's hot in here," I say offering Ashley a
friendly smile before I walk away.
It's not that I don't want to be around her but I know if I stay she is just
going to keep on about my special guy.
Stepping outside, I keep a loose grip on my heels as I head towards the parking
lot. It's a hot day in Tulsa but with all those people in a small building,
being outside feels much better right now. As I near my parents SUV, I stop in
my tracks as I see Zac leaned against it, his shirt unbuttoned some. Walking
just a bit closer, my nostrils are hit with a smell I'm unfamiliar with.
"Zac," I whisper as I step closer to him, making a face as he unintentionally
blows smoke in my face as he turns to face me. "What are you doing?"
Zac just shrugs at me as he puts whatever he is smoking between his lips again,
"Getting high," he tells me as if I should know. "Want a smoke?" he asks as he
hands what I now suspect to be a joint to me.
I shake my head, "I've never smoked before," I tell him blushing some. At least
he isn't yelling at me like he did last night. I'm glad for that.
He laughs some, "Sometimes you just have to live some Avie, take it," he says
as he keeps his hand extended out to me.
Chewing my lip, I slowly take the joint from him and inspect it. It doesn't
look like how I imagined it would look.
"You know, it's not going to bit you," Zac mutters after I inspect the joint he
handed me.
I roll my eyes and put the joint to my lips. Slowly I inhale it and move it
away quickly as I start to cough, which just gets Zac to laughing. "Nice to
know you found that funny?" I mutter sarcastically as I finally stop coughing.
"Sorry," he smirks before taking the joint out of my hands and putting it back
to his lips. "You'll get better with time," he says as he exhales and I feel
myself blush more. Even he makes smoking looking good.
I shrug, "Who says I'll do it again?" I ask as I move and stand beside him,
laying my shoes down beside where I am standing.
Zac turns to look at me and I nearly faint when he gives me that tempting
crooked smile of his. The one that I'm sure makes countless fans of his lose
it. "Everyone always does it again," he winks as he nudges me playfully. "And
you'll do it again because I find it cool and you want to impress your big
older brother."
I just glare at him playfully, "You know me so well," I joke as I nudge him
back.
"I'm sorry," he says after I nudge him.
"For what?" I ask confused as to why he is saying sorry to me.
Zac runs a hand through his hair as he drops the joint on the ground and steps
on it some, "For yelling at you last night," he tells me as he looks back up at
me and into my eyes.
I chew on my lip, surprised that he is apologizing, "I'm sorry for..." I start
to say but I am shushed when Zac puts his finger to my lips.
"Don't be sorry for kissing me," he mutters as he moves his finger away from my
lips. "And I won't be sorry for liking it," he whispers ever so softly before
leaning in and pressing his lips to mine.
I stand there for what seems like hours though I know in reality it's only been
minutes. I am in shock that Zac is actually kissing me. His lips are against
mine, and that thought is enough to make me return the kiss.
As we kiss, I feel Zac move slightly and soon I realize he has me pinned up
against the back of our parents SUV. God I know this kiss is wrong and not just
because he is my brother but because it's his wedding day and we are in the
parking lot of the place where his reception is being held. We could be caught
at anytime.
Kissing him deeper, I feel his tongue brush across my lips and soon I'm opening
my mouth for him, allowing his tongue to entrance. I hear myself moan just a
bit into the kiss as his hips move into mine and I close my eyes, my hand soon
going up and into his hair which I pull lightly.
Hearing someone clear their voice, Zac and I both pull away at the same time
and I freeze seeing Taylor standing there, staring at us. His mouth drops a
little when he sees it's me that Zac was kissing.
"Y..your umm your wife wants you inside," Taylor speaks as he shakes his head a
few times and just stands there watching us. "They are about to do the first
dance."
Zac rolls his eyes at Taylor's words and turns away from me, heading inside as
if nothing just happened. As if just seconds ago his tongue wasn't in my mouth.
Sighing, I follow behind Zac after picking my shoes up.
"Avie," Taylor says as he starts to walk beside me. "Exactly what did I walk in
on so to speak?" he asks me as I turn my head to look at him.
I look down and shrug, "I'm not sure," I say honestly as I walk ahead of Taylor
and go inside. As I do, I come to stand beside Jessica and watch as Zac dances
with his wife. I can't help but feel a ting of jealousy as I watch them.
"Don't they look good together?" Jessica whispers to me and I almost want to
laugh out loud at that.
"Yes, they look really good together," I lie as I do my best to put on a fake
smile. For the rest of the night I am going to try to forget that I hate Kate
and I will also try forgetting that Zac had kissed me in the parking lot.
Once the song ends, everyone claps for them and the dj soon starts playing
another song, this time it's a song I at least know. It's the song by ABBA
called Dancing Queen.
Watching as people get on the floor to start dancing, I turn to walk away but
stop when I feel someone grab my arm. Turning my head, I come face to face with
Zac.
"You aren't getting away that fast," he says giving me that damned crooked
smile again. "Dance with me Avie baby," he mutters as he pulls me out onto the
dance floor without giving me a choice.
Going with him I just laugh, "Like I can ever tell you no," I smile as I began
to dance with
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "Junebug, your mommy isn't going anywhere," I tell her like
     I am so sure.
The Broken One Chapter Five
Waking from being asleep, I look around my room and it's now pitch black.
Turning my head some, I see the time. Three in the morning. I have slept for so
long but obviously I needed it more than I thought.
Feeling thirsty I get out of bed and leave my room in a hurry heading
downstairs. Flipping on a light in the kitchen, I go to the cabinets and get a
glass, down taking it to the sink and pouring a glass of water.
"Aunt Avie," a small voice says right as I cut the water off. I don't even have
to turn around to know it is Junia.
"Yes Junia," I say as I grab my glass and take a drink as I turn to face the
little girl. She is in her pajamas and her hair is a messy, which makes me
laugh some to myself. She sort of reminds me of a younger version of myself
minus her blue eyes.
Junia looks down away from me, "I had a bad dream," she frowns which causes me
to frown.
Taking my glass of water, I walk to where she is and bend down, "What happened
in your dream Junebug?" I ask using the nickname Zac had given her when he was
alive.
I watch as Junia looks up at me with tears in her eyes, "My mommy went away too
like daddy," she says her voice quivering. "Then I couldn't see either of them
ever again," she sniffles and I feel tears sting my eyes, pulling her into me.
"Junebug, your mommy isn't going anywhere," I tell her like I am so sure.
Picking her up with my free arm, I kiss her cheek and sigh, "How about we both
sleep on the couch okay?" I ask her as I walk into the living room that is just
off the kitchen.
Going to the couch, I sit down and hold Junia in my lap, taking another drink
of my water. As I sit here in held the girl, it was hard to believe that I had
rarely spent any time alone with her since her birth but really, it was all
Kate's doing. She had forbidden me to be around Junia and Shepherd unless it
was family occasions. It was something Zac had no choice but to go along with.
Junia lays her head on my chest and I smile some, rubbing her back. Being
around her still brings me so much pain but in a way it helps too. "You want a
drink of water?" I ask her.
"Pwease," she says and I just smile holding my cup out for her and helping her
as she takes a drink from it.
Chewing my lip, I bring the cup back to my own lips and finish the drink off,
sitting the now empty cup on the table beside the couch. After doing that I lay
down and pull Junia with me, "Let's go to sleep now okay. This time you will
have good dreams, I promise," I say to her telling her something my mother used
to tell me when she slept beside me after I had bad dreams.
After awhile, I hear Junia's breathing even out and I know she is asleep, so I
finally close my own eyes and drift off to sleep beside of my niece.
When I hear someone clear their throat, I open my eyes slowly and swallow hard
as I stare into the eyes of Zac's widow. Slowly, I move away from Junia who
stirs even against my efforts not to wake her.
"Mommy," Junia grins looking at Kate. I look away not able to stomach how happy
the child is to see someone as cold hearted as Kate.
"Hey Junebug," Kate says to her and I can hear the bitterness in her tone that
I know is directed at me. "Why don't you go upstairs and play for awhile. "I
need to talk to your aunt."
I turn back to look at Junia and watch as she gets up from the couch, running
off, which leaves me alone with Kate.
I hear Kate clear her throat again and I roll my eyes, "I made it clear when
she was born Avery. I didn't want you around her or her brother. Not unless it
was a family function," she says as she crosses her arms and glares at me.
"She had a bad dream," I inform the brunette as I met her gaze and glare back.
"I was the only one up and so I thought I would help her get back to sleep. I
figured given the circumstances you wouldn't hold anything against me now."
Kate laughs bitterly, "I don't care what the circumstances are right now, I
want my rules to be followed," she says harshly and turns to leave but stops
halfway. "You know, Zac's last few months, he agreed with me on you not being
around the kids, especially Junia," she mutters and I'm sure if I could see her
face I would see a smirk on it.
Rolling my eyes, I watch her leave and head upstairs. Once she is gone, I start
to cry and lay back down on the couch. I'm already falling apart and Kate has
just made it worse. I know deep down if Zac was agreeing with her in his final
months than he had to have been pissed at what I did. He had to have been
pissed and hurt.
"His death is my fault," I mutter as I look up at the ceiling, knowing it is.
It has to be my fault.
Hearing someone come in the living room, I wipe at my eyes and sit up to see
Zoe looking at me, "When did you come down here?" she asks.
I sigh, "Last night. I woke up to get some water and then Junia had a bad
dream. I brought her in here so we could both go back to sleep."
Zoe nods at my words, "I thought you didn't want to be around Zac's kids right
now."
"I didn't," I tell her as I shake my head, "But Junia woke up and I just, I
didn't feel like waking anyone else up," I shrug as I chew on my lip.
Zoe looks at me and sighs, "I think you are crazy for not wanting to be around
Zac's kids," she tells me before sitting down next to me on the couch. "I like
being around them now because they remind me of him. They both look so much
like him."
I laugh at her words, "I disagree with you on Junia," I say as I look into her
blue eyes. "Junia kind of reminds me of myself when I was younger," I confess
wondering if Zoe sees it too or if I am just crazy.
Zoe sits there as if she is pondering my words for a long time. "You know," she
speaks and then pauses, "you are right. Junia does kind of look like you when
you were younger. Though, I also see some Kate in her as well."
When Zoe says what she does, I at least don't feel crazy, "You see Kate in
her?" I ask raising an eyebrow. "I...just no," I spit out more harshly than I
attended. "That girl looks nothing like that witch," I mutter before standing
from the couch and heading upstairs.
On the way up the stairs, I roll my eyes as I pass Kate who is going down with
both kids.
"Bye Shepherd, Bye Junia," I call out as I reach the top of the stairs. After I
do, I hear the door slam shut and I turn to head back to my room but came face
to face with my mother. I can tell from the look on her face Kate has warned
her about leaving me alone with the children.
"Avery," my mother begins as she looks at me sternly, "Kate wanted me to tell
you to remember your agreement to stay away from the children," she says her
voice harsh and cold. "And I am. For everyone's sake right now please do it. We
are all suffering and we don't need you adding more drama, god knows you and
Zac did enough of that while he was alive," she mutters before walking away
from me.
Standing there dumbfounded, I just shake my head, even my own mother sides with
Kate. Though of course she would, she had been the most devastated when she
found out about Zac and I. That we had been lovers. Shaking my head more, I
just walk into my room and slam the door.
With Kate getting mad at me and my mother telling me off, I feel worse than I
did before. "This is your fault," I say looking at the ceiling. "For getting
mad at me and doing something stupid," I spit out though I mean none of my
words. I would never really blame Zac. I love him too much.
Feeling tears sting my eyes, I walk to the bed and sit down, my mind
automatically going back to Zac and even more of the events that I was sure had
lead to him killing himself.
***** December 31, 2006 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "Aren't you a little old for those?" I ask as I shut the
     door behind me.
The Broken One Chapter Six
Months have now flown by since Zac and Kate's wedding, and it is New Year's
Eve. A holiday that we all normally spend at my parents house but this year we
are spending it at Natalie and Taylor's. I'm sure it was Natalie's idea to have
the gathering here. It is always.
I hadn't actually been alone with Zac since our kiss at his wedding, so I was
nervous about tonight. I knew the possibilities were high that I could more
than likely end up alone with him at some point and so to avoid that, I had
invited one of my friends along. Most people assumed he once had been my
boyfriend but he never had been. If I was honest the closest thing I had come
to any boy romantically had been when Zac kissed me.
"Earth to Avery," Daniel's voice breaks through my thoughts and I blink a few
times at him. "You've been standing on this porch for thirty minutes now. Are
you going to go inside? It is kind of cold out here."
I blush at his words and nod, "Yeah, sorry," I smile as I reach out and open
the door, going inside of the house. Hearing talking coming from the living
room and kitchen I lead the way since Daniel has never been here before.
When we reach the kitchen, I smile as I see my niece and nephews as the came
running to me. Bending down, I pull Ezra and Penny into a hug, "I missed you
guys," I tell them after they pull away. "How was your trip to Georgia?" I ask
knowing they had just gotten back from there two days ago.
"It was fun," Ezra says as he grins. "Grampa James got tons of toys for me," he
informs me as if that is the best thing ever and I am sure in his mind it is.
"I got toys too," Penny says to him as she sticks her tongue out and I laugh
some at this.
I shake my head and stand up, "You two are something else," I say to them and
watch as they run off.
Looking around for Daniel, I don't see him in the kitchen but soon I hear his
laugh coming from the living room and I make my way in there, where I find
Daniel sitting beside my older brother Isaac. I'm sure they are talking about
sports or something of the like. They are both into sports. Especially Oklahoma
football.
"Hey Natalie," I hear a familiar voice ask from across the room and I turn my
head to see Kate sitting on the couch, a plate of appetizers in her lap. "Have
you seen Zac? He left out of her like a bullet out of a shot gun not too long
ago."
"He headed down the hall to the bedrooms," Taylor says for his wife and I
laugh. Leave it to Taylor to answer a question meant for Natalie. "You know
Zac, he feels suffocated when around too many people at one time and he runs
off to go watch tv in another room."
Biting my lip at my brothers words, I turn to head towards the bedrooms. I know
I am nervous about being alone with him but I want to talk to him, see if he
even mentions the kiss we shared months ago. As I'm just about mere inches away
from my get away I almost crash into someone and laugh some seeing it is just
my mom. "Sorry mom," I smile before moving past her.
"Where are you going Avery?" she asks me and I stop in my tracks, thinking of a
lie.
I shrug, "To the bathroom," I say so effortlessly that I hope she doesn't catch
on that I was lying. Walking away, I turn the corner and soon start passing by
the bedrooms, looking for the one Zac is in.
I am surprised when I find him in Ezra's room, laying on the toddler bed and
watching some cartoon. "Aren't you a little old for those?" I ask as I shut the
door behind me.
Zac sits up and shrugs, "I'm only as old as I feel and right now I feel like a
twelve year old."
"When don't you feel twelve?" I ask as I sit down beside him on the bed.
He watches me and I feel those same old butterflies he used to give me before
our kiss. Biting my lip, I try not too look at him and look back at the TV.
Feeling Zac move a bit closer, I take a deep breath and turn to face him,
raising my eyebrow. "You plan on invading my personal bubble?" I ask him before
laughing.
"Would it bother you if I did," Zac asks me as he inches his hand over and
moves the hair away from my neck. "You didn't seem to mind it when I invaded
your space on my wedding day," he whispers before he leans over and places a
soft kiss on my neck.
As he places a kiss on my neck, I close my eyes briefly and shiver as he rests
his head against mine, his breath hitting my skin every so often as he
breathes, "About your wedding," I start, trying to find the words to say.
"We...it...it's wrong," I am finally able to voice my words out and all Zac
does is laugh.
I feel him pull away some but not much, "You didn't see it as wrong when you
kissed me in your room the night before the wedding," he counters back and he
has a point. "You even said you wanted me."
Looking down at my hands, I nod acknowledging that I did say those things.
"Why did you say that Avie?" Zac asks another question before kissing my neck
again. This time though he doesn't stop kissing my neck and before I know it I
moan in response, feeling myself start to get turned on by what he is doing.
This is the first time I have ever had a physical reaction to something a boy
has done.
Closing my eyes again, I sit and think of something to say other than the
truth. As I sit there thinking I feel Zac's hand sneak down to my jeans now and
I suck in a breath as I feel his calloused hands slip their way into my jeans.
It's like Zac's hands are magic, especially when they find the crotch of my
panties and he starts to rub me, "Why did you say you wanted me Avie?" he asks
this time wording it differently.
"Because I do want you," I admitted my words coming out soft as he rubs me
slow, too slow. "I..I have a crush on you," I whisper blushing.
The last statement gets Zac to smirk against my skin and I feel him start to
trail kisses up to my ear. "I think I have crush on you," he whispers into my
ear so innocent, though what he is doing to me is anything but innocent. "A
dirty little forbidden crush," he mutters more seductively and I feel his hand
move away from the crotch of my panties.
I feel my breath hitch as his fingers slip beneath the cotton material and soon
one of his fingers slips inside of me. It hurts briefly which causes me to
tense up. I know if I was like some girls who like to pleasure themselves, it
probably wouldn't have hurt, but I have never once pleasured myself before.
"Fuck," he curses into my ear. "You are wetter than I thought," he says before
moving his face away from me and he starts to let his finger move in and out of
me at a pace that is slow and torturous.
Moaning again, I feel my hips move against their own will and I open my eyes,
looking over at him. I'm not sure what the look I see on his face is but I know
I like it. The way his lip is curled into a smirk, a smirk that almost reaches
his eyes.
I let out a whimper when he finally removes his finger and his hands from out
of my jeans. I feel his hands though on my wrist and before I can say anything
he lays back and pulls me down over him, his lips finding mine in a kiss again.
I kiss him back and close my eyes, feeling his hands move to my hips.
"You feel that?" Zac mutters into my mouth right as his hips move up into me.
The moment they do I feel something hard against me. "You did that," he moans
out kissing me harder, his tongue finding its way into my mouth.
As his tongue tangles with mine, I am shocked that I have made him that hard. I
never thought that I could have that effect on anyone and sure as hell never
expected to have that effect on my brother.
It feels like ages before Zac pulls away from the kiss and I look down at him,
looking into his eyes, "Can I take your shirt off?" he asks his words so soft
I'm not even sure I heard them.
I just nod in response and move away far enough so he can lift my shirt over my
head. When it's gone, I blush some. I had of course chosen to just wear a
regular white cotton bra. I never was a fan of anything fancy and I knew my
mother would probably die if I ever bought any fancy or sexy bras at sixteen.
Zac looks me over and I see a satisfied smirk cross his face, before he reaches
up and cups my breast with one of his hands, squeezing the breast ever so
softly.
"Z...Zac," I moan out as my hips move down into his almost perfectly which
causes him to whimper. "I...your...I've never felt like this before," I confess
as I blush.
"Good," Zac says as his hand slowly pushes my bra cup down, revealing my breast
to him, the nipple is now standing straight up at attention.
I see Zac bit his lip and before I know it, he sits up again, holding me in his
lap as his head bends down and he takes the nipple into his mouth. The moment
his mouth is on my nipple, I feel myself get wet even more and I have to bit my
lip from screaming an altering everyone in the house to our presence in Ezra's
room.
Holding him closer to me, I move my hips against him now at a pretty good pace,
feeling him do the same, but not once does he lift his head from my nipple.
It's like my nipple is his newest friend.
Finally though he does lift his head and he looks into my eyes again as I feel
his hands go around me. He undoes my bra and I look down, watching as it falls
off, leaving me topless.
"You look beautiful," Zac tells me when I look back up at him and I blush at
his words. "You are so beautiful," he mutters before taking his own shirt off.
Biting my lip, I scan his chest, letting my hands reach out and slide down it.
I have seen him shirtless countless times but tonight is the first time where I
find myself turned on by it.
Zac takes a deep breath when my hand reaches the bottom of his chest and I
notice him sucking in his stomach, which causes me to look at him confused.
Doesn't he realize I find him beautiful just the way he is.
It's like he can sense my confusion though because he gives me an answer. "Kate
always tells me I'm too fat," he says and I can hear the hint of sadness in his
words. "Sometimes during sex she likes to point it out and make fun of my
stomach."
Frowning at his words, I just lean in and kiss him again. I'm not Kate and I'm
not going to make fun of him.
As he responds to the kiss, I feel his hands move up and run along my breast
causing me to move my hips against his again. This time, I swear I hear a
profanity leave his mouth.
"Zac are you in here?" Taylor's voice fills the room and I pull away from the
kiss, turning to face him.
If I thought he was shocked when he saw us kissing at the wedding then I know
he is shocked now. His mouth just keeps moving up and down as if trying to talk
but nothing comes out.
"Fuck," Zac mutters to himself as he lays back and the moment he does that, I
feel exposed, not to Zac but to Taylor who now has a clear view of my breasts.
Standing up, I cover my chest with my arms and bend down, grabbing my bra and
shirt, "I...umm I'll go now," I say before heading into the bathroom across the
hall, glad that no one is out there to witness me.
When I reach the bathroom, I lock the door and lay my shirt and bra on the sink
as I look at my reflection in the mirror. My hair's a mess and my lips look a
bit swollen. I'm a complete mess physically and I know emotionally I am as
well.
Shaking my head, I put my bra and shirt back on and then fix my hair up some
before leaving the bathroom. As I do, I look into Ezra's room where I can see
Taylor who seems to be yelling at Zac. Biting my lip I want to go in there and
stop whatever argument they are having but I know my presence would just make
it worse, instead I just walk back to the living room, hoping no one realizes
just how long I was gone.
***** January 1,2007 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: Zac smiles when I tell him that I understand, "I was afraid
     you wouldn't have understood."
The Broken One Chapter Seven
I lay in bed the next morning, still sleeping off being up so late last night
because of the damn holiday. That was the one downside to New Years I thought.
It always made you sleepy. Hearing a knock on the door, I woke up and opened my
eyes, making a face as I try to adjust to the sun coming through my room.
Sitting up in bed, I raise an eyebrow when I see Zac standing in my door way,
"What are you doing here?" I ask him as I blush some, remembering last night.
All the things he had done to me. All the things I now wanted him to do to me.
Zac enters my room and I watch as he shuts the door behind him. "We need to
talk about last night," he says and I can tell from the tone in his voice this
conversation isn't going to be good.
"Okay," I mutter as I watch him sit down at the end of my bed. My heartbeat is
beating so fast and hard in my chest.
Zac runs a hand through his hair and I hear a faint sigh come from him. "It was
wrong," he says as he looks over at me. "I took advantage of you and I'm
sorry."
At his words, I frown. He feels like he took advantage of me, when I clearly
don't think he did. "But you didn't," I tell him as I reach out for his hand
but he moves it away from my reach. "I wanted to fool around you with you."
"But I did take advantage of you Avie," Zac says as he shakes his head. "I'm
twenty-one and you're sixteen. I should have stopped myself. Hell you know if
Taylor hadn't walked in we would have done more than fool around," he admits.
"I would have had sex with you."
I shake my head at his words, "I wouldn't have minded if we had sex," I say
honestly knowing how bad it sounds. "But I guess I get where you are coming
from," I shrug sadly knowing he has a point. It's not just because of our ages
that we shouldn't have had sex. We are related and it's sex and wrong.
Zac smiles when I tell him that I understand, "I was afraid you wouldn't have
understood."
"Well I did," I smile back sadly. It hurts me to admit. It hurts because I know
what is coming next. He is going to tell me it won't happen again.
Seeing him look down at his hands, I sigh bracing myself. "I...we really
shouldn't do it again," he says confirming what I knew. "I think it would be
best if we tried to avoid being alone together for the time being. At least
until you are old enough to not have some silly crush on me," he nods before
standing from the bed.
At his words, I frown, "So you didn't mean it when you said you had a crush on
me?" I ask as I raise my eyebrow, staying on the bed.
He shakes his head no and I'm sure I feel my heart shatter into a million
pieces right then and there. "I..I was just horny," he mutters as he walks away
from the bed and doesn't even look at me as he leaves.
After he leaves, I break down crying and fall back. It's sad and pathetic that
Zac has broken my heart. He has ripped it right out of me. He did just use me.
He used me for his own selfish needs and I, well I was pathetic and let him.
Crying harder, I close my eyes and drift back off into a restless sleep for a
few more hours. When I wake up again though, my eyes feel puffy and I know I
probably look like shit.
Getting out of the bed, I hurry to get dressed, deciding I just need something
to do, anything to do to get my mind off things. After I am dressed, I find my
cell phone and dial up Daniel listening as the phone rings.
"Hello," a voice comes through after the second ring.
I smile, hearing Daniel's voice, "Hey Daniel," I say to him as I chew my lip.
"I umm was wondering if I could come over to your house for awhile. Today has
just been kind of crappy and I need something to get my mind off things.
"Avie you can always come over," he says and I hear the truth in his words.
I nod, "Okay, I'll be there soon," I say before hanging up the phone.
 
Several hours pass by once that I am at Daniel's house. Hours that are spent
getting into his parents alcohol stash. His parents are out of town for the
week so he didn't think it would be a problem. I should have objected, I wasn't
even sure If I liked alcohol. I only sipped on it on a few occasions before
now.
"Fuck, Daniel," I say as I sit on his couch and look around the room. "I really
need to get going but your living room is spinning way too much for me to even
move," I laugh as I lay my head on his shoulder. I close my eyes hoping that
will help but as soon as I open them again, the room is still spinning.
Daniel just laughs at my words, "The room isn't spinning but I feel kind of
sick," he says as he makes a face.
I laugh at that then and move my head slightly, "You better not fucking puke on
me," I tell him as I death glare him playfully which makes him smile.
"You are too pretty for me to puke on Avie," he says before he leans in and
kisses me on the lips.
The feel of his lips on mine is shocking and jarring and I pull away from him,
frowning, "I..I can't," I mutter shaking my head. It's not that I can't kiss
him back, it's the fact that I don't want to kiss him back. I don't want to
kiss anyone except Zac but that won't be happening anymore.
Finally deciding to brave the spinning room, I stand up and walk outside to the
porch. Reaching for my cell phone, I sit on the stairs and search my contacts
for someone to call. I need to get home but I know I am too drunk to drive
right now.
Running past Zac's number, I chew on my lip and hit it against my better
adjustment. Putting the phone against my ear I wait for an answer.
After four rings I finally hear someone answer the phone but say nothing.
"Zac," I tell him letting him know I can hear his breathing. "I need a favor
from you. I'm drunk and at Daniel's house. I need a ride back home," I tell him
hoping he will speak to me.
I hear him sigh on the other end, "I'll be there soon," he says before hanging
up.
When he hangs up, I turn my cell off and slip it back in the pocket of my
jeans, deciding to stay out here on the porch. It's safe because Daniel hasn't
followed me. I don't want to explain to him why I can't kiss him because I know
with this much to drink I'd probably tell the truth about Zac and what all has
happened.
I look down at the stairs as I wait for Zac to get to Daniel's house. I know he
said he would be here soon but right now it just seems like hours. Hearing a
car pull into the driveway finally I look up and smile seeing Zac's car.
Standing from the step, I feel the whole world spin and take a few deep breaths
before walking to the car. I open the door once I make it there and get in the
passenger side. As I buckle up I see Zac make a face.
"God Avery, how much did you drink? You reek of alcohol," he mutters as he
pulls out of the driveway.
I shrug and look out the window, "I lost count after five," I confess knowing
that he will probably lecture me about it. Maybe I should have called Isaac
instead. He is the resident Hanson lush.
Zac instead doesn't lecture me, he just turns on the car radio and I make a
face hearing rap music come through the stereo. "I don't like you getting
drunk," he tells me over the music.
I laugh at his words and shake my head, "I don't like being used either," I
spit out choosing to let him have the anger he deserves from me.
"Avie," Zac says or more like yells my name, "I...it's not like that."
I glare as I listen to his words, "Then tell me what it is like?" I ask him
before looking out my window. "What is it if you didn't use me?"
"I care for you," he sighs and I just stay looking out the window. If he cared
for me he wouldn't have hurt me.
After his words the rest of our ride back home is in silence. I have nothing
more I really want to say to him. As I unbuckle and reach to open the car door,
I hear him clear his throat and I look at him wondering what he wants to say.
"I'll have someone bring your car home tomorrow. If mom and dad ask just lie
and say it's at my house," he smiles as he rattles off the lie he wants me to
tell our parents.
I nod my head and start to get out until I feel Zac take a firm hold of my
wrist and pull me back in and closer to him. Staring into his eyes, I feel
scared almost because of the dark look in his eyes. "Don't fucking kiss anyone
else either," he whispers his voice low and harsh. "Your smudged lipstick has
made me jealous the whole car ride."
I'm about to respond to him but before I can, I feel his lips on mine and I
just sigh against as his lips as I kiss him back. Did he just forget hours
earlier that he told me we couldn't do things like this again?
As we kiss, he tightens his grip in my wrist. This kiss is the roughest one he
has given me. He is biting my lip so hard that I swear he is going to draw
blood.
Pulling away after awhile, I look at him confused, "What happened to not doing
that again?" I ask curious.
"I never said I couldn't steal a goodbye kiss before we stopped," he shrugs and
flashes me that grin of his I love. "Now get inside."
Getting out of the car, I shut the door and walk to our front porch, watching
Zac drive away. As he does I am left feeling more confused and just a bit more
used than I was before. What right does Zac have to stop what we have yet tell
me not kiss anyone else?
I go inside and up to my room. As I walk the stairs, I know I will listen to
him. I can't tell him no. I can't go against what he wants me to do.
***** Chapter 8 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "You would be sinning still if you hadn't listened to Kate,"
     she tells me her tone going harsh. "I take this then as you
     regretting...." she starts then stops though I know what she was
     going to say.
The Broken One Chapter Eight
As I hear a knock on the door, I look up and see Zoe standing there. I must
have gotten lost in my thoughts of Zac.
When I don't answer Zoe right away, she just steps into my room anyway, "I'm
sorry," she frowns as she walks over to the bed, sitting down with a photo
album in hand. "I mean for saying Junia looks like Kate," she frowns more.
"But she does," I tell Zoe as I look over at her. "Kate is her mother and
children are supposed to look like their parents," I shrug and point to the
photo album. "What is that?" I ask and reach for it, taking it from her. The
moment I open it I am bombarded by pictures I haven't seen since 2010. Pictures
I was sure my parents had gotten rid of.
Zoe watches me as I flip through the album, "I kept them hidden away. Kate
wanted mom and dad to throw them away or get rid of them but I couldn't," she
says as she shakes her head. "You and Zac looked so happy," she sighs. "Even if
I do find it weird you two were in love, you look so happy in these pictures.”
I nod knowing we did, "If I had known doing what Kate had wanted would hurt Zac
as much as it did, I wouldn't have done it," I say as I stop at one of the
pictures and trace the outline of Zac's face. A part of me wishes he were here
now so I could trace the outline of his face and just feel his skin one more
time.
"Why did you let it stay that way then, I mean once you knew how hurt Zac was?"
Zoe asks me and I have to think about that question. It's one I wasn't prepared
for.
I shrug, "I didn't expect he'd get bad enough to kill himself. Anyway, I
thought she was right. I believed she would do what she threatened to do," I
say still believing she would have if I didn't follow through with her
blackmail. Her blackmail was the main reason I had hurt the man I loved.
Zoe turns a page in the album and looks at it, "Are you going to change things
now?" she asks me. "Are you going to go against Kate's blackmail now that Zac
is dead? If you do, I'll stand by you," she smiles at me.
I smile back and just run a hand through my hair, to be honest I don't know if
I go against her blackmail now or not. Maybe it's too late to fix the wrong.
Maybe too much time has passed. Anyway without Zac, would it really be worth
it?
"Thanks, I mean for saying you'd stand by me," I tell Zoe. "But I'm not sure
what I will do," I say shutting the photo album, unable to look at the picture
she had turned too. "I just know I want to mourn Zac and then maybe I will
think of something."
Zoe nods and stands from the bed. "You can keep the photo album," she tells me
before leaving the room.
Looking at the now shut album, I stand from the bed and go to put it in my
closet. I don't want to risk the chances of anyone finding it out in the open
and getting rid of it. Those pictures are the last pictures I have of my happy
years with Zac.
After the pictures are put away, I leave the room and head downstairs. Seeing
my mother in the kitchen I go in. "I'm sorry," I tell her as I go to stand
beside her at the sink where she is doing dishes.
"For what?" she asks me as she turns to look at me briefly.
I look down, "For starting drama with Kate," I mutter knowing this apology is
best for now. "I wasn't thinking and I thought maybe given the circumstances
that Kate would let me be around the children."
My mother stops doing the dishes and turns to face me, "Avery, Kate is never
going to get over what you did, no matter the circumstances. Zac left her for
an entire year, to be with you which is morally wrong. Can you blame her for
being just a little upset still no matter what the circumstances are?" my
mother asks me and I sigh.
"I guess I can understand where she is coming from," I shrug. "Sometimes I just
don't think."
My mother laughs, "No kidding," she says looking into my eyes. "Where you even
using your brain when you began sleeping with your brother?"
I look down at her words, "I don't regret being openly with Zac in 2010. We
were both so happy," I smile as I look back up. "I just wish I hadn't listened
to Kate, then maybe we would be happy still."
My mother rolls her eyes and shakes her head, "You would be sinning still if
you hadn't listened to Kate," she tells me her tone going harsh. "I take this
then as you regretting...." she starts then stops though I know what she was
going to say.
"Regretting what?" I ask her wanting her to say it. I want her to acknowledge
the giant elephant in the room now. The one I'm sure played a part in Zac's
decisions to end his own life.
My mother looks away from me and I see her face turn cold. "It doesn't matter
because it's in the past. You went through with it and everything is better
now."
Frowning, I move away from the sink and turn to leave the kitchen, heading to
my room. When I get there, I am surprised to find my dad standing at the door.
Is he here to make me feel worse than mom did. Maybe coming home was a bad
idea?
"I heard the whole conversation with your mother," my father says as he looks
down at his feet. "She's just upset over losing Zac. Before Zac died she used
to say she wished you hadn't followed through with what Kate wanted. She knew
you following through with that stopped you coming in too much. That it was too
painful for you. Too painful for Zac."
I nod as my dad speaks, "It's still too painful, especially when I'm around
Zac's kids now."
My dad laughs some and I watch him look up and into my eyes. "You can say what
you really want Avery. It's too painful for you to be around Junia. It's
understandable," he smiles sadly before walking off.
I watch him walk away and I feel tears coming to my eyes as I go into my room
and lay on the bed. I hate crying but it seems like since Zac died it's all I
can do anymore. It's the only way I can keep myself together. Though this time
I don't know if I'm crying over Zac or what my dad said.
His words just like Zoe's have me wondering if I should rethink everything.
Challenge Kate over what she is doing. Do what Zac wanted me to do for a long
time after I gave into her. Grow a backbone.
***** October 10,2008 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "Isn't it too early to be drinking?" I ask as I shut the
     door behind me.
The Broken One Chapter Nine
After Zac gave me the warning not to kiss anyone else, I didn't. I keep my word
for a year. A full freaking year and I didn't care. There is only one person I
really want to kiss and that is Zac but he hasn't kissed me since the time in
his car. He was true to his word on stopping whatever we had and not being
alone with me.
Now it was October of 2008 and I was on the road with my family as my brothers
toured. Natalie and Kate both needed help with their kids and I am that go to
person. I am not about to complain, even if being around Kate and Zac hurts me.
I know they still aren't right for each other and I am pretty sure, no matter
how much Zac puts on a happy front that he just is not happy.
Walking onto the bus after going to a Greek restaurant in downtown Charlotte, I
let myself onto my brother's bus. I don't think anyone is on because the last I
remember is all of the families and kids wanted to go eat lunch alone. As soon
as I step on the bus though, I'm greeted by the same smell from Zac's wedding
reception and I make a face.
There is no way Kate let him stay behind so someone else has to be on the bus
as well. Walking towards the back where the smell is coming from, I open the
door to the back lounge and raise my eyebrow as I come face to face with
Carrick. He is the lead singer in the opening band for this tour.
Carrick looks up at me as he takes the pipe he was smoking from out of his
mouth, "I wasn't expecting anyone back for a while. Zac said I could come
borrow some of his stash while he was gone."
"Zac has a stash of pot on the bus?" I ask clearly in surprise of Carrick's
reveal. I am not sure why it shocks me so much to know this. Maybe because I
didn't think he would hide stuff on the bus.
Carrick laughs at my question, "He has tons of stashes hidden around the bus,"
he shrugs as he pats the place beside him. "Sit down."
Walking over to the couch I sit beside him and watch as he takes another hit
from the pipe. Ever since Zac's wedding I did do like he said I would. I had
found ways to smoke again with some of my friends. It's something no one knows
though I'm pretty sure Zac suspects it. He is the one who did say I would do it
again.
After I sit down, Carrick hands me the pipe and I smirk taking a hit off of it.
"How long has Zac been sharing his stuff with you?" I ask as I hand the pipe
back to him.
Carrick shrugs as he takes another hit, "Since before this tour. He started
sharing his shit with me at the Fools Banquet in 2007. I think that was the
moment I knew he was a true friend," he smirks as he offers the pipe to me
again.
"Zac's good like that, sharing his stuff I mean," I laugh before I put the pipe
to my lips. "He let me have a smoke for the first time at his wedding
reception," I tell Carrick as I hand the pipe back. "That was my first time
ever smoking and since then I haven't stopped. I've found ways to sneak around
with friends and smoke. Hide stashes in my room and yet everyone thinks I'm a
good girl. I hate living up to that stereotype."
"You hate being good huh?" Carrick asks as he raises an eyebrow and looks at me
curiously. "Then do something stupid and reckless. Something your parents will
hate."
Thinking over his words, I smirk, "Well they'd hate you," I say knowing exactly
what my statement means. I am referring to having sex with him.
Carrick raises an eyebrow, "You parent seemed to like me well enough when I was
at their house last year," he says before frowning playfully as he nudges me,
"but if you really want to do me, I wouldn't be opposed to the idea."
Now it's my turn to raise my eyebrow, "Really?" I ask feeling a little shocked
by that. I never thought he would say that. I mean I'm considerably younger
than him at seventeen and he has to be in his early thirties to late twenties.
"You're an attractive girl and I wouldn't see anything wrong with having a
little fun with you," he winks as he lets his hand rest on my thigh, which
makes me shiver in a good way.
Biting my lip, I reach my hand down to his and slowly guide it up my dress,
wanting to him to rub much like Zac did on New Year's Eve last year. I want to
see if I can get the same feeling from him that I got from my own brother.
Carrick takes the hint and soon I feel his hand make cotton with the panties I
have on under my skirt. His hand rubbing me through the fabric. Unlike Zac he
isn't going slow but it still make me get turned on. It still makes me wet.
"Fuck," I mutter as I feel him push my panties to the side and soon slip a
finger inside of my wetness. His fingers aren't as rough as Zac's but they
still feel just as good as his. Before long he has his finger going in and out
of me at a pace that I like and I just close my eyes, a moan coming out as I
let myself enjoy what is happening.
I know Zac would probably consider this something I shouldn't do either but at
this point, I'm too far gone to even understand why he has such a problem with
me kissing or doing anything with other guys. He's the one who has a wife. I'm
single and can do as I please with who I please.
"You like this Avery?" Carrick asks as he reaches over with his free hand and
moves some hair away from neck, his lips soon connecting with the flesh there
which makes me moan again. His lips are much softer than Zac's but they make my
skin feel as if it's on fire.
I nod my head in response, "I love it," I answer as I move my head some and
soon connect my lips to his in a kiss, finally breaking Zac's one major rule.
Don't kiss any other guy. I know if he were here he would be livid, seeing me
kissing the guy he considers his best friend. Seeing Carrick finger me.
Carrick kisses me rougher, adding a second finger which makes my hips start to
move in time with his fingers. I know I need more than just this though. I need
more than his fingers inside me. "I want you," I whimper into the kiss.
Taking that as all the initiative he needs, Carrick slips his fingers out of me
and pushes me back on the couch, laying over me as his kisses me harder, his
hands trailing their way up and under my dress again, though this time it's to
remove my panties.
After my panties are off he kisses down my cheek and onto my neck his hips
moving into mine. I can clearly feel how hard he is and I like that he is the
second guy I have made that way in my lifetime. I like that he wants me. That
someone besides Zac wants me.
Pulling away from the kiss, I reach up and take his shirt off, throwing it down
to the floor. My eyes scan his chest, noticing that he has way more hair than
Zac does. His chest sort of resembles Taylor which I find disgusting and hot at
the same time.
Feeling him pull my dress up, I left up and help him remove it, blushing when
I'm left in just my bra as he looks me over. I wonder if he will find me
beautiful like Zac does.
"You are sexy," he mutters which just makes me blush more. It's a different
word than Zac used and I like it.
Kissing him again, I reach up and undo his jeans, sliding them down in one
quick motion along with his boxers. Once I have them off, I feel him position
himself just right between my legs and he slides inside of me, a moan coming
out of his lips.
The moment he slides inside me, I dig my nails into his back feeling a bit of
pain. It's worse than when Zac fingered me for the first time last year but it
also feels good too. "Go slow," I whisper into his mouth hoping he gets the
hint that I'm a virgin and have never done this before.
Carrick nods his head and I soon feel him start to move, a moan coming out of
me. I've never felt something like this before. Something that feels so raw and
natural. Being with him isn't how I envisioned my first time ever since the
night with Zac on New Years but it will do. He will do.
Digging my nails farther in his back, I let myself move with him after a while
and I close my eyes, the initial pain starting to go away and leave. Now I'm
feeling nothing but pleasure and it's the sweetest pleasure I have ever felt.
Carrick starts to kiss down onto my neck again and I tilt my head to the side,
giving him better access, my eyes closing tighter as he starts to kiss and suck
on the skin there. It makes me shiver and groan.
"This feels nice," I whisper as Carrick starts to go just a bit faster and my
nails travel down his back. I'm pretty sure he will have scratch marks for days
to come.
"Correction," Carrick says on my skin. "You feel nice," he smirks as his hand
reaches between us and he starts to rub my clit as he keeps moving in and out
of me.
The combination of him rubbing me soon brings me over the edge and I moan his
name out as I reach my orgasm. It's not long after that, that I feel him
shudder and soon lay against me, trying to catch his breath.
As we both lay there, I hear someone curse and I look towards the door of back
lounge in just enough time to see someone walking away. I'm pretty sure from
the brief glance of a striped shirt who it is and I push Carrick up off me.
"I.." I start to say but he nods as if he knows.
"I hear your nieces and nephews," he smiles oblivious to the fact that Zac saw
us having sex with each other.
I just nod and get dressed in a hurry, leaving the back lounge. I know my
hair's a mess and I more than likely smell like sex but I don't care. "Where is
Zac?" I ask Taylor when I reach the front of the bus.
Taylor looks at me with a raised eyebrow, "I think he went inside the venue. He
left the bus like a bat out of hell."
Leaving the bus after Taylor tells me where Zac went, I head inside the venue
and start my search for Zac. It's small back here so I'm hoping my search isn't
too long.
"Zac," I call out hoping he will show himself if he hears me. I get no answer
so I continue checking every room I find. When I reach the last one I open it
and find Zac sitting on a couch drinking out of a bottle of beer.
"Isn't it too early to be drinking?" I ask as I shut the door behind me.
Zac looks up and rolls his eyes, taking another drink, "Isn't it to early to be
getting high and fucking my best friend?" he spits out
Going silent I just look down not sure what to say to him.
"You reek of him by the way," he speaks again, his tone still harsh. "You
fucking reek of him and my damn weed. I hope he is worth it Avery."
I look up confused by what he means. "Worth what?" I ask letting my confusion
come out in my words.
"Losing me," Zac mutters as he finishes off his beer and throws it it towards
the wall beside me. I jump when it shatters. "Now get the hell out of my sight.
Looking at you just makes me sick."
As tears sting my eyes, I do as Zac says. I leave the room and head back to the
bus, fighting back the tears. I hate that I have hurt Zac and I know he means
it when he says I have lost him. In his mind I have betrayed him. I have done
what he asked me not to do. Kiss another guy. Be with another guy.
***** November 3,2008 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "Didn't mom and dad teach you never to walk in when someone
     was in the shower?" he asks, his eyebrow raising.
The Broken One Chapter Ten
The day after hooking up with Carrick, I was never more relieved to head home
and be away from Zac. I knew he was mad and maybe being away from him would
calm him down. Make him get over the fact that I had hurt him by doing what he
didn't want me to do.
Though now, almost a month later, I stood backstage and watched as my brother's
performed their concert at the Chicago House of Blues. Zac had ignored me most
of the day and I don't know why it hurt me so much. I mean I knew he would. I
knew he would still be mad. Zac could hold grudges with the best of them.
As they finished the show and did their bow, coming backstage, I move out of
the way as they walk past me. Zac just gives me a look and I'm sure if looks
could kill I would be dead right now.
I sigh and I decide to follow after him, watching as he goes to the showers
instead of following Taylor and Isaac outside. I, against my better judgment,
follow him into the showers, hearing the water already running.
"Zac," I start but stop when I walk closer and see him naked. It's the first
time I have ever seen him fully naked and he is gorgeous, stunning even. I am
not sure if he is still self conscious thanks to Kate but he really shouldn't
be.
Zac turns to face me and just makes a face, "Didn't mom and dad teach you never
to walk in when someone was in the shower?" he asks, his eyebrow raising. Even
after speaking he makes no effort to cover himself. He just keeps showering.
I blush and look down away from him. "They did," I say as I shrug, "but I just
wanted to talk to you regardless."
"Talk about what?" Zac asks me, his voice growing harsh as if he knows I want
to talk about Carrick and what he had seen in Charlotte between us.
I look up at him, "Carrick," I whisper, watching as Zac rolls his eyes at me
saying his name. "I'm sorry you had to see us having sex," I tell him honestly.
"I..I never meant for it to happen. It just did," I shrug.
Zac turns the water off and reaches for a towel wrapping it around himself.
"Did you like it Avie?" he asks me as he pushes past me and heads to where he
has clean clothes waiting for him.
At his question, I chew on my lip, wondering if I should be honest or lie. I'm
afraid to tell him that I did like having sex with Carrick. Instead I chose to
just nod my head yes as he eyes me waiting for an answer.
"Figured you did," Zac spits out harshly as he drops the towel and gets
dressed. "I told you not to kiss anyone else Avery. By kissing, I meant sex
too," he says as he turns his back to me. "Or did you just forget my words,
forget what I told you?"
I sigh and run a hand through my hair, "I didn't forget," I tell Zac, letting
him know, I did in fact remember what he had told me. "I just wasn't thinking
at the time. I was high and I was horny. I wanted to do something bad for once
and he was there and we had sex," I explain knowing with the mood Zac is in
this is pointless.
"Oh and what about keeping contact with him?" Zac asks me and I swallow hard. I
should have known that Carrick would tell Zac that we have been texting back
and forth. That we have been getting to know each other.
I look at the wall when he turns to face me again. I'm not sure how to answer
him about keeping contact with Carrick.
Zac laughs as I stay silent, "What, you didn't expect the guy I consider one of
my best friends to tell me he was talking to my sister?" he asks me his voice
still so harsh and cold. I hate it. "You know, he really likes you Avie."
"I didn't know that," I say honestly. I never expected that Carrick would like
me. I mean I know he flirted with me in Charlotte and some of his texts have
been flirty but I just thought that was how he was.
"Well he does," Zac mutters as he walks closer to me and looks me in the eyes.
"It hurts me to say this but be with him Avery," he whispers so soft that even
I'm not sure I have heard him right. "At least you guys wouldn't ever have to
hide a relationship."
Frowning at his words, I look down, "Is that what you want with me Zac?" I ask
him wondering if he wants to date me. "Is that why you told me to not kiss
anyone the same day you told me we had to stop what we're doing?"
Zac reaches out and pushes my chin up so I am looking at him again. I just
stare into his eyes wondering what he is going to say. "I told you we had to
stop because Taylor threatened to tell everyone if I didn't stop messing around
with you," he sighs. "I told you not to kiss anyone because I was selfish. I
thought that maybe one..." he starts but shakes his head.
"What did you think?" I ask wondering what he was going to say but stopped
himself from saying.
Zac shakes his head again, "Nothing, Avery, it is nothing," he smiles as he
moves away from and heads towards the doors. "Just be happy with Carrick," he
shrugs before leaving the showers.
I stand there frowning as he leaves. He has basically given me permission to be
with Carrick but yet it hurts. It hurts knowing that he has given up on me and
I also want to know what he was going to say. what did he think could happen?
Shaking my head this time, I walk out of the showers and head to the hotel that
is connected onto the House of Blues. It's where my family is staying as
tomorrow is yet another concert at the same House of Blues.
When I make it to the lobby, I see Zac talking to Kate by the elevators and I
roll my eyes. I hate how he can be so close to me one minute and be with her as
if nothing emotionally has been going on with us. Scanning the lobby for my
mother, I finally find her in a corner on her cell phone.
I start to walk over to her as she is who I am rooming with tonight but on my
way there, I nearly bump into someone, stopping in my tracks, looking up to see
a familiar set of blue eyes looking down at me. "Carrick," I smile, feeling my
cheeks get hot.
Carrick smirks and leans in, kissing my cheek softly, "You look pretty when you
blush," he whispers in my ear before pulling away. "I was hoping I'd run into
you. I was wondering if you wanted to get lunch tomorrow before the show, maybe
after the walk?"
I nod, "Sure," I smile and nod, agreeing to go out with him for lunch tomorrow.
At my words he smiles even bigger and moves out of my way, heading to the
elevators. I'm almost to my mom when I hear him say my name again so I turn to
look at him.
"Also did you make Zac mad?" Carrick ask me as he raises an eyebrow and I look
at him confused.
"What do you mean?" I ask not sure what he means.
Carrick pushes a button for the elevator but keeps his eyes on me, "He kept
giving you a death glare during On The Rocks," he shrugs as the elevator doors
open and he steps in. "See you tomorrow pretty brown eyes," he calls out before
the doors shut.
I blush more and turn, walking over to my mother right as she hangs up and eyes
me. "What?" I ask wondering why she is eyeing me like that.
"What was that between you and Carrick?" she asks as she puts her cell phone in
her purse.
I smirk and shrug, "Nothing," I lie as I turn to walk to the elevators, my
mother following. "He was just inviting me to lunch," I tell her as I press the
button for the elevator. After I tell her the last line I see her just raise
her eyebrow even more but she stays silent.
When the doors open, we get in and she presses the button to our floor. For
once in my life I have never been happier at the silence between us. I know she
is probably thinking of reasons as to why Carrick wants to have lunch and some
of those reasons are probably right.
***** December 23,2009 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "I left Kate," he says as if it's the best thing to ever
     happen to him.
The Broken One Chapter Eleven
After my date with Carrick, things slowly start to get better for me, even if
it kills me that I can't be with Zac. I stay true to what he wants though. I
start a relationship with Carrick and continue that relationship for a long
time. Until I decide to move to France to study for a semester in art school.
The day I leave for France is the day that Carrick and I break up for good.
It feels nice to be single and a part of me hopes that maybe once I get back to
Tulsa that Zac will want to be with me. That even if it has to be a secret that
he will want a relationship, but once my semester ends towards the end of 2009
he doesn't, so I take Carrick up on the offer he gave me when we broke up. That
once I finish school in France I should come out to California where he is at.
That is where I am now, with Carrick in California and it's close to Christmas
time. I would have gone home but I'm not sure if I am up to facing Zac again. I
feel as if he keeps disappointing me. Turning me down and ripping my heart out.
"Hey Avery," Carrick says, his voice interrupting my thoughts. "Can you get the
door for me?" he asks and I look over at him as I stand in the bathroom
dripping wet. As he looks at me with his eyebrows raised peeking over the
shower curtain it is then that I hear the knock at the door.
I just nod and wrap a towel around myself, "Sure babe," I smile as I leave the
bathroom once the towel is around me. Going towards the door, I reach it and
just open it without even thinking, freezing when I come face to face with my
brother.
Zac's eyes widen as he sees me and it's then that I realize he is the last
person in my family to know I moved in with Carrick. It's not that I didn't
want him to know but well I didn't want him to know and I swore everyone else
to secrecy.
"Zac," I say finding my voice and moving aside so he can come in. When he comes
in he just looks at me so confused and I think I also see a hint of hurt in his
eyes which kills me.
Shutting the door behind him, I watch as he goes to the couch and sits down,
"I..umm...wow," he says shaking his head.
I laugh some and walk over to the couch as well, not caring that I'm still in a
towel, "I should have told you sooner when I moved out here that I was moving
in with Carrick," I blush as I sit down beside him, adjusting the towel so
nothing shows.
Zac shakes his head, "I should have known," he shrugs as he runs a hand through
his hair which I'm sure he has cut again. I wish he would stop cutting his
hair, I think the long hair looks best on him but I know Kate hates it.
"You probably should have," I agree as I chew on my lip wondering why he is
here anyway. It's two days away from Christmas and he is in California instead
of being at home with his wife and kids. "Why are you here?" I ask deciding to
voice my thoughts.
Zac looks over at me and I see him sigh, before looking away from me. "I left
Kate," he says as if it's the best thing to ever happen to him. "I got tired of
her constant put downs and nagging and so I just left," he smiles before
looking at me again. "I came here because I was hoping that Carrick would let
me crash on his couch."
When he speaks, I feel shocked knowing that he has left Kate. I never expected
to hear him say he left Kate, mainly because I never thought he would. "Y...you
left Kate?" I ask wanting to make sure I didn't hear him wrong.
Before he answers me, Carrick walks into the room fully dressed and I see the
smile that covers his face when he sees Zac. I stand from the couch, "I'll go
dress and leave you two alone for awhile," I force a smile as I leave the room
and head to the room I share with Carrick.
Making it to the room, I shut the door behind me and drop the towel as I go to
the drawer where my clothes are. Getting them out, I get dressed in a hurry and
soon fix my hair, putting it up in a half ponytail. Checking my reflection I
sigh, wondering if Carrick is going to let Zac stay here. If he does it's going
to make things hard for me and I'm afraid it will rip Zac's heart out having to
see me with Carrick all the time.
I take one last look at myself and leave the room, stopping just before I make
it to the living room, listening to Zac and Carrick talk.
"You can always stay here Zac," Carrick tells him and I'm sure I can hear the
smile in his voice. He loves having Zac around. Hell I'm sure if I weren't in
the picture Carrick may just be in love with my brother like I am in love with
my brother.
I hear Zac sigh, "You sure Care?" he asks. "I mean I don't want to be a bother
to you and Avery."
Carrick laughs, "You won't be a bother. I'll just make sure she doesn't scream
so much during sex," he jokes as he laughs more. I hear Zac laugh some at that
but I know his laugh is forced.
"I'll stay then. At least through New Years."
After Zac speaks again, I walk into the living room and look at both him and
Carrick, "Are you staying?" I ask deciding to pretend that I didn't hear their
whole conversation. It's best that way.
Zac looks up at me and nods, "I'm staying through New Year's," he tells me as I
sit down beside him.
I nod at his words and fake a smile. I am happy that he is staying but I'm not
sure what this will do to us or what it will do to Carrick. It seems like since
whatever it is Zac and I have has started, I have been walking on eggshells
about something and I'm not sure how much longer I can cope, how much longer I
can keep doing what Zac wants, forgetting we share something.
"I think this calls for a celebration," Carrick grins as he stands from the
chair he had been sitting in. "I'm going to get some of my stash out of the
bedroom," he says as he leaves the room.
When he leaves, I turn to look at Zac, "You sure about this? Staying here
knowing I am with Carrick again?"
Zac looks away from me, "I can pretend I'm happy about you two. I've been
pretending since this started. You two are happy together and at least you can
be with him and not have to be his dirty little secret Avie baby," he whispers
the last part as he leans in and kisses my cheek softly. "Just know I love you
though."
I nod and frown at his words, "I love you too Zac," I whisper back as I turn my
head ever so slightly so our lips are touching in a brief, chaste kiss. I pull
away as soon as I hear Carrick's foot steps coming back. I put on my best fake
smile and do my best to pretend, pretend that I am happy with Carrick and what
Zac wants for me when I'm not. I will never be happy unless I am with Zac and I
wish he could see that. I wish he knew that.
***** December 25,2009 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: Zac laughs at my last comment, of course he would. "Where is
     said party at Avie?"
The Broken One Chapter Twelve
The next two days seem to fly by with Zac there and before I know it Christmas
is here and I'm sitting in some house surrounded by Carrick's friends. It's not
that I don't like his friends but most of them are just too hipster to me and
I'm not in the hipster crowd at all, never have been. Now Taylor on the other
hand would fit in well.
Seeing Carrick, talking to a few of his friends, I stand from the chair I am
sitting in and walk outside. It's cold but not too cold that I need a coat.
Reaching in my pants pocket, I take out my cellphone and dial Zac's number. He
opted not to come to this Christmas get together and I'm hoping he will come
and save me from my boyfriend's friends.
"Hello," Zac's voice fills the other end after just two rings which surprises
me. Usually it takes him three to four rings to answer the phone.
I chew on my lip, quickly before answering him. "Zac," I start off, deciding he
knows it's me, there is no use in stating who I am calling. "I need you to come
and get me from this party," I sigh as I roll my eyes, though he can't see me.
"I'm being overcrowded by too many hipsters."
Zac laughs at my last comment, of course he would. "Where is said party at
Avie?"
After Zac asks where the party is, I rattle off the address and he mutters
something about putting it in his GPS and he will be there shortly to come and
get me. Hearing the phone go dead, I hang up as well and put my cell phone back
in my pocket before sitting down on the stairs and waiting for Zac to get to
the house and come and save me.
Hearing the door open, I turn my head and look up to see Carrick coming
outside.
"There you are,' Carrick smiles as he sits down next to me on the porch. "I was
beginning to think you left," he whispers as he leans in to peck my lips.
I peck his lips and force a smile, "About the leaving thing," I laugh as I look
away from him. "I may have called Zac to come and get me," I tell him afraid
that he will be mad at me for bailing. He is always telling me I really should
give his friends a chance.
"Oh," Carrick mutters as he looks away from. "I should have known you would
bail before things really picked up," he shrugs as he runs a hand through his
hair. "Can I give you my gift before you go?" he asks when he looks back at me.
I just nod my head and watch as Carrick reaches into his pocket, taking out a
small tiny box which makes my heart beat faster. Staying silent as he opens the
box to reveal a tiny diamond ring, I feel my mouth drop open having not
expected this. I did not think he would propose to me and to be honest even in
this moment I'm not sure I will accept it, not when my heart is with Zac.
"Avery, you know I love you, I love you so much that I want to spend the rest
of my life with you," he says as he smiles at me and I feel sick. "Will you do
me the honor of maybe, spending the rest of your life with me too?" he asks me
right as I hear a car pull in the drive way of the house.
I chew on my lip, feeling as if time has stopped now that he has asked me to
marry him. "I....yes," I say before I can even stop myself.
Carrick grins and soon slips the ring on my finger. "She said yes," he says as
he looks ahead of him before standing up. I too follow his path and see that
Zac is standing just inches from the stairs. His face god, I hate myself for
all the hurt I can see.
"Congratulations Carrick," Zac smiles and nods, "I told you she would say yes."
I raise an eyebrow as I stand up as well. Zac knew that Carrick was going to
propose to me. Zac knew it and hid it. God how can he do this to himself? How
can he just put me being happy over his own happiness? How can he want me to be
happy with another man?
"That you did," Carrick agrees. "You can take my future wife home now," he says
as he turns to head inside. "I feel like going inside to party and celebrate."
After Carrick leaves, I walk off the steps and past Zac, heading to his car,
"You knew?" I ask him when I reach his passenger side door and watch as he
makes it to the driver's side.
Zac just nods his head and gets in. I roll my eyes and get in as well. "I wish
you had told me," I tell him as I buckle up and lean against the seat as he
starts the car and drives away, heading back to Carrick's house.
"Why?" Zac asks finally speaking to me. "So you could be prepared to say no?"
I roll my eyes again, "I never said I would have said no had I known," I tell
him but we both know I am lying right now. If I had known, I probably would
have said no to Carrick tonight. "I just...I don't see why you want this for me
Zac," I sigh feeling tears stinging at my eyes. "I'm not happy with Carrick.
I'm not happy that I said yes tonight. I will never be happy because he isn't
you and I hate that you are pushing me away," I snap a bit too harsh.
I hear Zac sigh and I turn to look at him finally. His eyes are still on the
road.
"Avie," he sighs again and finally looks at me briefly. "You know we could
never be together. Not publicly anyway and you don't deserve to be anyone's
secret."
I shake my head and feel the tears go down my cheek, "But I'd be your secret if
I had too."
Feeling the car come to a stop, I realize we are back at Carrick's and I get
out, just wanting to get inside. Finding my key in my pocket, I unlock the door
and turn the light on before heading to the room I share with Carrick. Making
it there I sit on the bed and just cry. I hate what my life has come to right
now. I hate how confusing things are and have been since this all started with
Zac. I hate how much I love him.
I feel the bed sink down beside me and I look over and see Zac beside me. He
pulls me into him and I just cry more. "I want you Zac," I say as I rest my
head on his neck.
"I want you too Avery," Zac tells me and I move my head from his neck, raising
an eyebrow. "I....fuck, it's hard to watch you be with Carrick but I thought, I
thought I was giving you what you needed. I was also avoiding you like Taylor
told me to do after he caught us a second time. But now, I can't do this
anymore if you aren't happy."
At his words, I smile some and reach my hand up, wiping my tears away. "I'm not
happy," I say as I shake my head.
Zac just nods and before I know it he is leaning his head closer to mine, until
his lips capture my lips in a kiss. A kiss that is full of need and longing. He
wants me and he knows now he can have me.
Kissing him back, I let my hand go rest on his cheek and I move closer to him.
It's been so long since he has kissed me like this and I missed it. I missed
him. As we continue to kiss, I let myself slowly maneuver into his lap and
smirk when his arms go around me.
"I want you Zac," I whisper before pulling away and reaching down to unbutton
the shirt he has on. He doesn't stop as I unbutton the shirt and he doesn't
stop me as I slip it off of him either. Once it's gone I run my hands down his
chest again and frown when he sucks his stomach in again. "You are perfect, no
matter what Kate says," I tell him before kissing him again.
As he kisses me back, his hands slid up and under my shirt and I shiver some
because they are cold on my hot back. I half wonder if his hands were this cold
last time and I just didn't realize it.
Zac pulls away after awhile and I watch as he starts to push my shirt up, so I
raise my hands, helping him remove it from me. A smirk crosses his face as he
sees I am not wearing a bra. "You're so freaking naughty," he mutters before
leaning in and taking one of my breast into his mouth much like he did the
first time we got intimate together several years back.
"Zac," I whimper as I feel myself getting turned on. In response to that, Zac
just keeps sucking on my breast, even slower than before. "Fuck you are good
with your mouth."
Zac moves his mouth off my breast and looks up at me, "I've had years of
practice," he shrugs before putting his mouth around my other breast which
causes me to whimper again. He is trying to kill me, I'm sure of that.
Biting down on my lip, I feel my hips move into his and I'm not shocked to see
he is hard. "You are hard as hard as a rock," I state though I'm sure he knows
this already.
This time he moves his mouth from my breasts and laughs, "You are stating what
I know Avie," he says as he grabs my head and puts them between us. "How about
helping me out of my jeans and you can do something about what you caused."
I just smirk and undo his jeans, pushing him back after they are undone.
Kissing him again, I slid them off along with his help.
As we kiss, he turns us over so he is on top and I feel him reach down, undoing
my jeans and pushing them off with my panties. They both soon join the floor
which is now cluttered with our clothing. "I love you," he whispers before I
feel him move his arms and I move away just briefly to see his boxers got
thrown on the floor.
Once he is nude I look up at him and bit my lip, "I want to make love to you,"
I tell him right before he lets his lips move to my neck which he starts to
kiss ever so light. He soon enters inside of me and I close my eyes, letting my
nails dig into his back. I know having sex in Carrick's bed is wrong but I make
no effort to stop what is already happening.
Instead I just close my eyes tighter and enjoy the pace that Zac soon makes for
himself, feeling my hips soon matching his movements until I reach my peak
around the same time he does.
After he is done, he just lays his head on my shoulder and closes his eyes. I'm
about to say something but I hear him snoring and I know he has gone to sleep.
Shaking my head, I close my eyes and try to join him in sleep. I just hope we
don't get caught by Carrick like this, naked in his bed, tangled together.
***** December 26,2009 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "I will let you two talk alone now," Zac says as he stands
     from the kitchen table and walks down the hall, towards the bedrooms.
The Broken One Chapter Thirteen
Waking the next day as the sun comes through the room, I raise my eyebrow,
finding Zac gone and I sit up in bed, holding the sheets around me, "Zac?" I
ask loudly so it can be heard through the whole house. Not getting an answer, I
get out of bed and dress into the clothes I had on the night before.
Leaving the bedroom, I head towards the living room and stop when I find
Carrick and Zac sitting in the kitchen. Both of them look up at me and it's
apparent I have walked in on some big discussion from the looks on their faces.
"What did I walk in on?" I ask curiously as I walk farther into the kitchen.
I'm almost afraid to know but I feel like I need to know because I think it's
about me.
Zac looks to Carrick after I ask my question and I notice him raise an eyebrow
as if he is waiting for Carrick to respond.
Carrick just returns the same look that Zac gives him, before turning to face
me. "I....ummm. I found you two this morning," he tells me, keeping his voice
low and no hatred or anger in it. "I came home and saw you two in my bed, butt
naked. I was just getting an explanation from Zac."
At his words, I swallow hard. "And what did Zac say?" I ask before I look at
Zac wondering if this time Zac will answer my question. "What explanation did
he give?" I ask wondering if he told Carrick everything. That after Carrick
popped the question I came back home and fucked my brother in his bed.
"I told him the truth Avery," Zac does answer. "That we made love to each other
and that you want to be with me."
Gulping I feel shocked. Yeah I did want to be Zac, but I was sure there was a
way we could have done it without telling Carrick. Without hurting him, but
then again he had caught us, so I guess he did have to know everything.
"I will let you two talk alone now," Zac says as he stands from the kitchen
table and walks down the hall, towards the bedrooms.
I stand there and just stare at Carrick for what feels like forever. I'm just
waiting for him to start yelling at me but he doesn't. "I guess you want this
back?" I ask as I reach down and slip the engagement ring off, holding it out
to him.
Carrick shakes his head, "Keep it, I bought it for you," he smiles as he stands
up from the table and walks to the counter where his coffee pot is. I just
watch as he gets a cup of coffee for him and pours another. "It looked good on
you anyway. I don't think anyone else would like it and I sure as hell don't
want my money back for it. Pawning it would just be a shame too."
"I get it," I laugh some as I walk to the kitchen table and sit down. "I'll
keep the ring."
Carrick turns back around, coming back to the table with both cups of coffee in
hand. When he sits down, he puts one of the cups in front of me. "I knew he
liked you from the start you know," he informs me and I raise my eyebrow.
"You knew?" I ask shocked by his admission. How did he know? Was it that
obvious? Why did he chose to be with me if he knew?
I watch as Carrick takes a sip of his coffee, "Zac told me not long after he
sang On The Rocks for you at Chicago. I just had a sinking feeling there was
more to his death glare. I confronted him and he confessed everything, but he
told me he wanted me to be with you so that you could have everything he could
never give you."
I process his words and pick up my coffee cup, taking a drink from it. "And you
were okay with that?" I ask. "I mean my brother having feelings for me and
doing what he wanted?"
"I liked you Avery," Carrick shrugs. "I wanted so much to love you, be loved by
you. I would have done anything by that point to be near you, so yeah, I was
okay with doing what he wanted," he nods as he drinks some more of his coffee.
"The fact that you two had feelings for each other, it freaked me out but I
thought I could stop them. I thought maybe you could come to love me like you
loved Zac."
Looking down at my coffee cup, I sigh, "I'm sorry that I can't love you like I
love him," I say before picking the cup up again and taking a drink. "You
deserve that, being happy."
"You deserve happiness too Avery, even if it is with your brother," Carrick
says and from his words, I sense nothing but honesty. He believes what he is
saying. "I'm letting you go free. Whenever he decides to go back to Tulsa you
can go with him."
Smiling I nod and finish my coffee, "Thank you," I tell him as I stand from the
table and take my cup to the sink. Taking one last look at him, I leave the
kitchen to go find Zac, not surprised when I find him in the guest bedroom.
Zac who is turning on the radio, turns to face me once he has it on and turned
up. A smile coming on over his face as some Beach Boys song comes on. I'm
pretty sure it's called Don't Worry Baby.
"We can be together," he says as he walks over to me and wraps his arms around
my waist. "We can finally be together," he smiles as he sways his body back and
forth to the music.
I wrap my arms around his neck, "When we go back to Tulsa we'll have to keep it
a secret though," I shrug though I smile knowing he is mine, even if it is
going to be a secret. A secret that I'm not sure I want to keep.
Zac just leans in and pecks my lips quickly, "Don't worry baby," he tells me in
time with the music which makes him crack up and he pulls away from, starting
to dance around the room on his own as he starts to sing the song.
I can't help but laugh as I watch him, raising an eyebrow as he takes my hand
and makes me start to dance with him as well. "Zac, we look stupid," I tell him
though I'm not sure it will make a difference.
It doesn't make a difference, he just keeps moving us around the room and
singing the song which makes me laugh some more. I wish I could I have the
optimism he seems to have though about things when we get back to Tulsa. I
can't help but worry though. I am nervous and scared that we won't be able to
keep this thing a secret.
When the song ends, Zac falls down on the bed and takes me with him. I stop
laughing and look over at him. "How can you be so optimistic about things?" I
ask him when he looks over at me.
Zac just shrugs, "Because I'm no longer with that bitch. Nothing else can go
wrong Avery, even you and I. We can't go wrong," he says before he leans in and
kisses me on the lips. "Now how about we make love again?" he asks on my lips
and I just nod my head in response. I'm still the same girl I was the day he
married Kate. I can't say no to anything he wants from me.
***** Chapter 14 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "How are you handling things?" he asks as he pats my leg and
     takes the cigarette from my hand before taking a drag himself.
The Broken One Chapter Fourteen
The next day after the confrontations with my mom and Kate, I sigh to myself as
I sit on the front porch, smoking a cigarette. It's not weed but it will help
my nerves I have found out. I would be inside, but Kate has again dropped her
kids off and I know being around them will just cause too much problems.
Problems I'm not sure if I am ready to unearth.
Looking up as I hear a car pull in the driveway, I raise my eyebrow, taking
another drag off the cigarette as I watch Carrick step out of the car. I smile
instantly as he walks to the porch. "I didn't know anyone had let you know
about Zac's upcoming memorial service," I tell him knowing Kate didn't want the
media alerted. She didn't want fans showing up or creeping around it.
Carrick sits down beside me, "Taylor called me," he nods as he chews on his
lip. "How are you handling things?" he asks as he pats my leg and takes the
cigarette from my hand before taking a drag himself.
I just glare at him playfully and sigh, "I am taking things like crap," I
shrug. "I miss Zac more every day and I just want to wake up and be told this
is some sick and twisted nightmare," I mutter as I feel tears stinging my eyes.
"I want the love of my life to still be here for me and not being turned into
ashes."
I see Carrick frown at my words and he hands the cigarette back. "I just wish I
knew why he did it," he states and I nod my head, though I know I have good
suspicions on why he did it. "You know," Carrick says as he looks me over. "The
last time I saw you was in September of 2010. You were heavily pregnant," he
muses as he raises an eyebrow. "Where is the baby you made with Zac? I want to
meet that little darlin."
"Little darlin?" I ask when he refers to the thing that everyone else has been
avoiding since I came back. The baby that Zac and I had together.
Carrick nods, "I remember you telling me it was a girl."
I nod too remembering I had told him I was having a girl. "I gave her up," I
tell him as I chew on my bottom lip. "I gave her up three days after she was
born. The day we left the hospital was my last day with her."
"Oh," Carrick whispers as he looks away from me. "I didn't know you were
considering adoption. I mean you and Zac talked like you were going to raise
her together, especially since all the tests had came back proving she was a
healthy baby."
At his words, I feel tears go down my cheeks, "We were," I whisper back not
caring that I am crying. "But Kate happened," I sigh as I stand up and go
inside. I can't take this conversation with Carrick right now. I just can't do
it.
Going upstairs to my room, I lay on the bed and close my eyes, hoping that
sleep will take me. Right now I just need sleep. I need to forget memories that
Carrick has brought up for me.
Right as I get my eyes shut though, there is a loud scream, followed by crying,
crying I would know anywhere. Moving from my bed, I run out of my room to where
the crying is which is the play room next door. Standing in the door of the
play room, I see Junia on the ground, blood coming from her head.
"What happened?" I ask Shepherd who is now bending down beside his sister. I
walk over and bend down beside Junia as well.
"She was trying to climb up the bookcase," Shepherd informs me as he points to
the book case beside him. "She lost her balance and fell."
I frown and pick her up, "I'm going to take you to the hospital Junebug," I
mutter to her as I stand up. "We need to make sure nothing is broken or that
you don't have a concussion," I frown looking at her bleeding head.
Getting to the door, I walk out and head to the stairs, stopping when I come
face to face with my mother and Carrick.
"Junia needs to go to the hospital," I inform them, going down the stairs. "I'm
taking her and Kate can kiss my ass later," I grunt out as I make it to the
bottom of the stairs. Going to the key ring rack, I grab the keys for my mom's
SUV and head outside.
Walking to her car, I hear footsteps behind me and when I stop to open the back
door to put Junia in her car seat, I come face to face with my mom again.
My mom sighs as she looks me in the eye, "You know Kate is going to be pissed
about this," she states and I shrug in return before putting Junia in her car
seat. "She has direct orders not to have you around the kids. Not to have you
around Junia."
I shut the door once Junia is in her car seat and I glare at my mother. "Screw
her orders. Junia is hurt and I'm taking her to the hospital," I spit out
before turning my back to her and getting in the car. Buckling up, I start the
car and drive off.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
A few hours later, I sit in the emergency room and watch as Junia sleeps. She
has been given a sedative. They had to give it to her before stitching her head
up. She had been to agitated. Hearing the door of the room open, I look up and
see Carrick walk in the room.
"Did my mom send you?" I ask knowing it was something she would do to avoid
drama with me.
Carrick nods his head, "Yeah, she did," he says as he sits down on the edge of
Junia's bed. "so, what is Kate going to have to kiss your ass later for?" he
asks as he raises an eyebrow.
I look away from him and sigh, "The fact that I brought Junia to the hospital,"
I say before biting my lip. "She doesn't want me alone with the kids,
especially not Junebug," I frown as I shake my head and feel tears in my eyes
after that.
"Why?" Carrick asks so soft that I'm not even sure he said anything at all.
I look back at him and take a deep breath, "Because, Junia is my daughter. The
baby I was pregnant with in 2010," I say surprised Zac never told him.
Carrick just looks at me with his mouth hanging open and I almost want to
laugh, almost. It's funny but then again not. I hate the fact that because of
Kate I can't claim my daughter, even though legally there were no papers
signed. I still have my parental rights to Junia in tact and if I wanted too I
could take her away from Kate in a heartbeat.
"I know, it's shocking isn't it," I say as I move from the chair and get into
bed with Junia. "This precious little girl who has been raised by Kate for two
years is mine." Looking down at her I smile and kiss her forehead, the side
that doesn't have stitches. She is the best thing I have from my time with Zac.
The best thing he ever gave me.
***** January 9,2010 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "And she'll yell at you over the computer for not being
     shaved?" I ask as I move away from him.
The Broken One Chapter Fifteen
I smirk as I step out of the shower at Zac's apartment. It has been a week
since we have been back in Tulsa. We came the day after New Years and since
then we have been hiding out at his apartment, the one he used to own before he
married Kate and the one they had also lived in for awhile after they were
married as well.
Seeing Zac at the sink, shaving a towel around his waist, I smirk more and
reach for a towel, wrapping it around me. "You look sexy with scruff on your
face, "I tell him as I come up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist,
kissing his neck.
Zac moans ever so lightly as he finishes up shaving, "I'm sure you think so,
but Kate doesn't and I promised I would skype with her today, well Shep
anyway," he shrugs.
I sigh at his words, "And she'll yell at you over the computer for not being
shaved?" I ask as I move away from him.
"Yes, she would sadly," Zac sighs as he turns to face me and pulls me into a
kiss. "You look really hot when you're wet," he whispers into my mouth.
I blush and kiss him back, "And you look really hot when you're naked," I tell
him as I reach over and grab his towel off of him.
Zac kisses me harder and soon, I feel my towel drop as he turns us so I am
against the sink. As we kiss, he doesn't even break the kiss to sit me up on it
and get in between my legs. "I want you Avie," he growls as his hands now rest
on my hips.
"Then take me," I mutter into his mouth, before biting on his bottom lip. Since
we have been together there doesn't seem to be a day that we haven't had sex
with each other. I just like to think we are making up for lost time with each
other.
The longer we kiss, Zac's lips start to wonder down my neck and soon down my
chest, making me moan when he stops to suck on each of my breast briefly and he
continues his way downward. When he pushes my legs farther apart, I bit my lip
as I feel his tongue run up and down my slit, teasing me.
"Fucking tease," I whimper wanting him to just eat me out already. He is really
talented at it.
I hear him laugh and I moan again as he finally spreads my pussy lips apart and
lets his tongue run up and down me. I'm not sure how many times he did this
with Kate but I have to say he is really experienced. He is much better than
Carrick ever was.
Moaning louder, I reach my hand down and tangle it in his hair as my head falls
back, my eyes closing tight.
I zone everything out, except what Zac is doing with his tongue, that is until
I hear a little voice pipe up.
"Mommy what is daddy doing to Aunt Avie?" Shepherd's voice fills the bathroom
and I open my eyes, my head shooting up as I turn to look at the door.
Zac moves away from me quickly and he stands up, wrapping the towel back around
his waist. "Kate," he squeaks as he runs a hand through his hair. "I..I thought
you were in Georgia, that was why we're going to skype."
Getting off the sink, I wrap the towel back around me too and look down, unable
to face Kate or even Shepherd after what they have just seen. This is worse
than both times Taylor has caught us. Way worse.
"I was," Kate answers Zac, her voice harsh. "But I wanted to come back to
surprise you. I thought maybe we could work things out," she finishes.
"Shepherd honey, would you mind going into the living room. Mommy needs to have
a talk with your daddy and aunt Avie."
Hearing Shepherd's tiny feet run off, I run a hand through my hair, looking up
to see her face. She is angry and I'm nervous for what she may do or say. I'm
nervous that she is also going to wind up telling everyone else about us.
Zac walks a bit closer to Kate, but she sticks her hand out. "Don't even come
near me," she tells him as she shakes her head.
"Kate just let me explain," Zac says as he sighs and looks down. "I'm sorry you
had to see what you did."
Kate just laughs at Zac's words. "I'm sorry I had to see it too," she snaps as
she turns her eyes on me. "So Avery," she says to me. "How long have you been
fucking your brother, you disgusting slut."
At her words, I frown, "I...It just started around Christmas," I answer being
honest as my eyes go to Zac. He is looking back at me but I can't read the
expression in his eyes.
"Fucking sick," Kate mutters as she shakes her head. "I think the rest of your
family deserves to know about this," she shrugs as she crosses her arms. "I
think I will tell them after I stop by the lawyer's to get a divorce and take
custody of Shepherd from you Zac."
Zac groans loudly, "You wouldn't Kate," he says as he walks closer to her
again. "You wouldn't," he says again this time grabbing her arm to make her
look him in the eyes.
Kate just laughs bitterly at him and pulls her. "Wouldn’t I?" she asks as she
bits her lip. "I put up with too much of your obsession with your sister. I
ignored you countless times when you accidentally slipped and said her name
during sex. But this, actual proof that you two are fucking around. I'm not
ignoring Zac," she tells him not breaking eye contact with him. "Not unless you
give me a reason not too."
"And what would that reason be?" Zac asks through gritted teeth.
"Leave her and come back to me," Kate smiles at him sweetly. "And you my dear
Avery," she says finally breaking eye contact with Zac. "Can go back to
California with Carrick. Does he even know about you two? I'm sure he'd love
too."
Raising my eyebrow, I look at Zac wondering what he is going to say. Is he
going to give in to what she wants or is he going to let her ruin everything.
Zac lets go of Kate's arm, "Go," he says keeping his voice calm. "Do whatever
damage you want."
Kate looks at him shocked and I'm sure I have the same look on my face right
now. Without saying anything, Kate turns and leaves the bathroom.
Waiting for a bit to make sure Kate isn't going to come back, I walk closer to
Zac. "Why did you do that?" I ask wondering why he just didn't go through with
what she wanted. Why did he tell her to do damage?"
"Because I'm not going to lose you again Avie," he tells me as he looks over at
me. "I spent too damn long trying to ignore what we both feel. If Kate wants to
tell everyone and divorce me then let her. At least in the end we have each
other."
I smile at what he has to say, "But what about losing Shepherd?" I ask knowing
he shouldn't have to lose his son just because of me.
Zac sighs as he runs a hand through his hair. "I'll figure something out with
him," he shrugs as he leaves the bathroom.
After he leaves the bathroom, I shut and lock the door behind him. I let myself
fall to the floor as I fight back tears. I didn't want to show him but I am
scared shitless for what Kate is going to do. I'm scared of Zac losing his son
and I feel like all of this is my doing. If I had never kissed Zac the day
before his wedding this can of worms wouldn't be opened right now.
Hearing a knock after awhile I look towards the door. "Yeah?" I ask as I wipe
at my eyes and stand up.
"Are you okay?" Zac's voice comes through from the other side and it sounds so
worried. I don't want him worried.
I nod though he can't see me. "Yeah, I'm fine," I lie to him as I stand up and
open the door, giving him a smile. "I was just thinking," I say as I push past
him and head to the bedroom. Lying is the best thing I can do right now.
"Oh," Zac says and I can feel him as he follows behind me. "You sure?" he asks
and I turn to face him as I pull open the closet door to find some clothes to
wear.
"I'm positive I am fine Zac," I smile again. I need to him believe me. Maybe if
he believes me that will make everything better.
Before Zac can respond the phone rings and he sighs, going to the bedside table
to get it. "Hello?" he asks going silent not long after.
After I get my clothes out, I turn to watch Zac. He is still silent and I raise
an eyebrow. Finally after what seems like ages he hangs up and runs a hand
through his hair.
"Who was that?" I ask almost afraid to know the answer.
Zac looks away from me. "Mom," he whispers and I almost don't hear him. "She is
calling a family meeting and wants us both to be there in an hour."
***** January 9,2010 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "How did it go after I left?" I ask almost scared of what he
     is going to say. I am afraid that our parents are somehow going to
     make us break up with each other.
The Broken One Chapter Sixteen
Breathing hard as Zac pulls into our parents drive way, I look at him when he
parks the car. "Do we have to go inside there?" I ask. I want to just pack up
and run. That's what we should have been doing for the past hour. Packing our
things to leave, not getting ready to be confronted by our whole family.
Zac laughs and reaches over taking my hand in his, "Avie, we can do this," he
tells me as he squeezes my hand. "We can face everyone and we can do it
together," he smiles, before bringing my hand up to his lips and kissing it.
I want to believe him, I really do, but I just have an awful feeling about
this. What if they make us break up again? What if they have us arrested?
"Okay," I smile, hoping that I can hide my worries from him. Letting go of his
hand, I get out of the car. "Let's do this," I say once he is out as well.
Walking to his side of the car, I take his hand again and walk with him up to
the porch. Before we can even knock, our mother has flung the door open and she
looks like she could just kill us both.
"Both of you, inside now," she snaps out so harsh that I jump just a bit.
Squeezing Zac's hand, I step inside with him and we head to the living room
where everyone in our family minus the kids are. I'm really glad none of my
nieces and nephews are here for this. This would just be too hard to explain if
they had been there.
Hearing my father clear his throat, I look over at Zac and he drops my hand,
sitting down in the only available chair left. I just roll my eyes and sit on
the arm of the chair.
"Kate says she caught you two," my father starts as he looks right at Zac. "She
says it was in a sexual situation, that you were," he stops as he takes a deep
breath. "That you were going down on your sister."
Seeing Zac blush, I bit my lip as he opens his mouth to speak. "Yeah, I was,"
he confirms and I blush then at that silence that has now seemed to creep into
the room. I'm not a fan of the silence at all and I hate the way it feels like
everyone is now looking and judging me.
"I..we love each other," I finally speak up as I turn away from Zac and look at
everyone in the room. The only one who seems not that surprised is Taylor and
why should be surprised? He had to know this was coming sooner or later.
"That is sick," my mom finally speaks breaking the silence. "Not to mention
illegal," she mutters as she rolls her eyes.
I frown as I look at her and see nothing but pure anger looking back at me. I
feel like a failure as a child.
"What happened to Carrick?" my father speaks again, his voice coming out a bit
nicer than my mother's had. "I mean, he called us and told us he was proposing
to you."
At his question about Carrick, I sigh and shake my head, "We broke up," I
confirm. "He..he always knew about Zac and I. It was amicable, he wanted me
happy and he knows Zac makes me happy," I smile as I look back at Zac who is
watching me.
"Your mom is right," Natalie says before my dad or mom can say anything else.
"This is sick," she mutters as she stands up from the couch. "I can't just sit
here and say I am happy for you, especially since Taylor told me everything
before we came here. That you two have been messing around since 2006."
"You told Nat," Zac spits out rather harsh, his eyes soon turning to look at
Taylor. "You promised you wouldn't tell anyone."
I look over at Taylor in time to see him just look down and away from Zac's
gaze. "That was before you broke the rules and decided to be with her and let
yourself get caught by Kate."
Now it's my turn to roll my eyes, "Fuck you Taylor," I spit out to him as I
stand from the arm of the couch. "This fucking family meeting is over. None of
you will understand what Zac and I feel for each other but at least let us be
happy together," I yell as I push past Natalie and head outside to the porch,
letting the door slam behind me.
Going to the porch swing, I sit down and break down crying. If I expected Zac
to come after me he doesn't. No one comes outside for what seems like hours and
when the door does open it's not Zac I see when I lift my head. It's Taylor.
"I'm sorry Avery," Taylor starts in as he sits down beside me. "I mean for what
I said and telling Natalie."
I wipe my eyes and shrug, "Why are you apologizing?" I ask as I lock eyes with
him. He is usually too prideful to apologize for anything.
"Because Zac told me too," he confesses, "and because I want too. I am sorry,"
he tells me again before standing from the swing. "I...just if Zac makes you
happy then be with him okay," he smiles before turning and going inside.
Once he leaves I look out and over the porch. I'm not sure if Taylor's smile
was sincere but his last few words sure seemed that way so maybe they were. As
I think over Taylor's words I don't even hear the door or know anyone is beside
me until I feel the swing moving. When I turn my head I finally see Zac.
"How did it go after I left?" I ask almost scared of what he is going to say. I
am afraid that our parents are somehow going to make us break up with each
other.
Zac runs a hand through his hair, "They are all grossed out but I think they
know if they don't accept us they will lose us," he tells me as he pulls me
closer. "They just want us to be happy and in their lives so for now they are
going to let us be together."
I just look up at him as he pulls me closer feeling shocked by what he has
said. This was something I never expected to hear. "Really?" I ask wanting to
make sure I heard him right.
He nods his head, "Really," he smiles before kissing my forehead just ever so
slightly.
When he kisses my head, I let myself relax against him and I close my eyes
briefly as I inhale his scent. He smells like weed, chocolate, and strangely
me. "I still want think it would be best for us to run away somewhere and
change our names, ditch this town and our family, minus Shepherd. We can take
Shep with us."
Zac just laughs at my words and kisses my forehead again, "And where would we
go?"
I think that question over, biting my lip, "Italy," I say naming the first
place that comes to mind. "I think Italy is a nice place to go."
"Okay, then, Italy it is, but what would our fake names be?" he asks another
question and without even looking at him I'm sure I can hear a smirk in his
voice.
Again I think that over, "Well I'd be Juliet, I like that name," I smile as I
look up at him. "And you can be my Romeo."
Zac just laughs again, "But we die," he says as he looks into my eyes. "I don't
want to die, especially by suicide, not when I have you."
I shrug, "I don't care, I would die for love," I tell him as I lean up and kiss
him softly on the lips. "I'd die for you and I know I would die if I couldn't
have you."
"Well, when you put it that way, I don't care either, cause I would die for
love too if I couldn't have you," he mutters before kissing me again and then
pulling away and standing from the swing. "Come on Juliet, let's head back home
my love," he smirks as he extends his hand out to me.
I just laugh and take his hand, standing up and following him to his car. When
we get there we part hands as we separate ways and get in. After we are in I
just watch him as he drives home. I never knew I could love a man as much as I
love him.
"I hope things stay this good," I tell him though I'm not sure if they can.
There is still Kate and I'm afraid of what she can do. I'm afraid of what she
will do. Kate scares the living daylights out of me, especially when she is mad
and I'm sure she will be worse when Natalie tells her that the family has
accepted in their own way that Zac and I are a couple.
***** Chapter 17 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "I know who she is," she spits out. "You talk about her all
     the time."
The Broken One Chapter Seventeen
After a while at the hospital, Junia is released and I start to carry her
outside, heading to my mom's car.
"You know," a voice pipes up from beside me and I turn to look at Carrick.
"When you get home Kate is going to be pissed," he sighs as he ran a hand
through his dark hair which is starting to gray some. It makes me sad he is
going gray. It's showing the fact that he is in his mid thirties and he is no
longer the same age he was when I fell into some sort of infatuation with him,
because as much as I hate to admit it, I did have some feelings for Carrick or
I wouldn't have moved in with him.
I nod, knowing he is right. "I know," I tell him as we finish the walk to my
mom's car and I move a still sleeping Junia up on my hip. For once I can feel
like her mother and not feel bad. Though I do wonder if I had not given into
Kate's blackmail if Zac would still be here and we could be raising her
together.
Carrick looks down for a long while as if he is thinking of something, of what
I am scared. "You could come back to my hotel for the night. I have enough
room, I'm sure my roommate wouldn't mind if I let you and Junia use the other
bed in the room?"
At his words, I consider his offer. "It will just make Kate worse," I sigh
knowing it will add fuel to an already burning hot fire but I don't care.
"Okay," I smile as start to put Junia in the back but Carrick blocks my way.
"I will come and get your mom's car later," he informs as he takes the keys
right out of my hand and opens the back door, getting Junia's car seat out of
the back for me. "You guys can ride with me," he smiles as he carries the car
seat to his car and I follow behind him holding Junia.
Once he has the car seat in his car, I put Junia in and get in myself, buckling
up as Carrick takes off to his hotel. The whole ride there is silent, except
for the radio playing on one of the lowest volume settings. It's so weird how
Carrick always seems to just be there for me, no questions asked. Maybe I
should just try to make myself fall in love with him. Wouldn't that be easy? He
could help me grieve Zac and also help me with Junia if I decide to take her as
mine.
When we arrive at his hotel, I get out when he parks and go to get Junia,
stopping as Carrick gets her out. She wakes up some but then lays her head on
his shoulder and drifts right back off.
"I could carry her," I tell him as walk inside the hotel. "I am her mother," I
whisper in case she wakes back up and hears me. The last thing I need is her
asking questions to Kate tomorrow about what I meant.
Carrick just looks at me and smiles, his blue eyes locking with my brown. "She
is fine," he tells me as I hear his voice crack some. "Holding her almost feels
as if Zac is here still. That everything will be okay."
I frown after he says, "I guess in a way he is," I say as I look at my
daughter. "She is part Zac," I smile sadly.
When Carrick stands in front of I room, I watch as he knocks and a few seconds
later the door is opened by a girl with orange hair that I am not sure is real
or a dye job. I really wasn't expecting whoever had came in with him to be a
girl.
As we go inside, Carrick puts Junia down on a bed and I sit down, staying
silent.
"I didn't know you were bringing guests," the girl finally speaks as she looks
at Junia and I. I really hate the way she is glaring at me. It makes me feel so
uncomfortable.
Carrick looks at her and sits down on the other bed, "They needed a place to
go," he tells her as if that should explain everything. "Avery," he says as he
looks at me. "This is my girlfriend Piper. Piper this is Avery."
Piper just glares at me more as she sits down beside Carrick on the bed. "I
know who she is," she spits out. "You talk about her all the time."
"I don't want to get into this right now Piper. There is a child in the room
and I am sure Avery wants to sleep," Carrick snaps back as he turns his head to
Piper once she is beside him on the bed.
Carrick's comment is enough to shut Piper up and I am thankful for that because
he is right. I do want to sleep. Slipping my shoes off, I lay down beside Junia
in bed and drift off. I'm not saying sleeping beside her was the best sleep I
had got since Zac's death but it came pretty close. It seems that being around
the girl who I wanted to avoid is helping me instead of hurting me.
Awaking the next morning as the sun comes through the window, I groan and reach
for Junia, only to find the place next to me empty. Opening my eyes, I sit up
and look around, spotting Carrick at the table in the room drinking a cup of
coffee and reading what looks like a copy of Tulsa World. "Where is my
daughter?" I ask as I raise an eyebrow.
Carrick puts the paper down and looks at me. "I convinced Piper to take her
downstairs to the continental breakfast. Piper may be pissed at me but she
loves kids too much to turn down that offer," he smirks before taking a drink
of his coffee.
"I'm sorry if my coming made Piper mad," I tell him. It's true, I don't want to
cause problems for him and his girlfriend. It seems I just have a habit of
ruining people's lives though. "Why does she say you talk about me all the
time?" I ask as I stand from the bed and walk over taking a seat in the other
chair at the table.
"Because I do," Carrick confesses as he watches me sit down. "It's a bad habit
I still haven't broken since our break up," he laughs and I think I hear hurt
in it. I know he willingly let me go but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt him.
I just blush and look away from his gaze, staying silent.
"How come Zac just let you walk out of his life?" Carrick asks breaking the
silence. "I know Zac and he was stubborn so how come he didn't come after you,
after you left him and Junia? It's kind of funny, I always figured you left him
because he cheated on you with Kate and once the baby was there you just
checked out. I never did the math."
I laugh some. I should have known he would have questions for me. "Zac was
stubborn," I confess. "I tried to always tell him I was doing it for his own
good. That Kate would just make us pay, but he didn't listen. Eventually I knew
I would have to make him think I moved on and I did," I whisper hating myself
for that. "The last time I saw him alive, he caught me having sex with someone
we were both close to."
Carrick makes a face, "Who?" he ask curiously.
"I'd rather not say," I tell him as I chew on my lip. The guy and I had made a
pact that no one would know of our one night stand. He had been drunk and I was
just trying to find a way to get Zac to leave me alone and be with his bitch of
a wife. I'm pretty sure Zac eventually confessed to the guy that he saw us,
that he caught us, because the guy had also distanced himself from me.
"If you'd rather not then I won't push it," he says right as the door to the
room opens and I smile seeing Junia run in.
"Aunt Avie," she yells as she runs to me and I pick her up, kissing her cheek.
"Hello June bug," I say to her as I hold her close. I almost wish I didn't have
to go back home today. I just want some more time with my daughter. "You
feeling better?" I ask as I look at her stitches.
Junia nods her head, "I want to go back home to mommy now though," she informs
me and I feel my heart break. If only she knew she was with her mommy. Can I
ever really rip her away from Kate? Kate may be a bitch but this little girl
loves her.
"Sure," I tell her as I look at Carrick again. "Did you get my mom's car?"
"Yeah, I woke up before everyone else and took a taxi to the hospital. The car
is in the parking lot."
At his words, I stand up from the chair and hold Junia on my hip. "I will see
you later," I smile at Carrick, ignoring the glare Piper is giving me again.
Walking out of the room, I make it outside and to the car, smiling when I find
that Carrick has also put Junia's car seat back in the car. Putting Junia in, I
get in and drive back to my parents house. After being around Junia and finally
acknowledging she is my daughter I have so many emotions and thoughts running
through my head. Things I will need to figure out.
***** March 20,2010 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "You looked so peaceful sleeping that I didn't want to wake
     you up," I tell him as I lean in and peck his lips lightly.
The Broken One Chapter Eighteen
It has now been exactly two months since our family has found out about us.
Okay really two months and a few days. Since then Zac and I have been a couple
around everyone in our family, thought out in public we act just like any
brother or sister. No one has caught on in our circle of friends except Carrick
but he always knew.
Biting my lip as I come out of my thoughts, I watch as Zac sleeps on the couch
napping. We had been up all night yesterday. We had decided spur of the moment
to go out and get tattoos and then we had spent all of last night making love
after getting them.
Shaking my head, I lift up the pair of pajama shorts I am wearing around his
house and look at the tattoo I have on my thigh. It is a quote from Romeo and
Juliet. For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo.
After the conversation Zac and I had on our false names, I have come to the
conclusion that Romeo and Juliet is our story, minus I don't think any of us
will be dying anytime soon. At least I hope not.
Pulling my pajama shorts back down, I watch Zac again and smirk thinking of his
tattoo. It is also a quote from Romeo and Juliet. It's so simple compared to
mine. Give me my sin again. His sin being in reference to me and not the kiss
in which Romeo referred to in the book.
"Avie," Zac's voice says breaking me from my thoughts. I turn to look at him
and watch as he sits up from the couch.
"Enjoy your nap?" I ask as I stand from the floor and walk over, sitting beside
him on the couch. "You looked so peaceful sleeping that I didn't want to wake
you up," I tell him as I lean in and peck his lips lightly.
Zac just nods and lets a hand rest on my leg, "I go to see Shepherd in an
hour," he informs me. Just this month Kate has finally agreed to let Zac see
Shepherd again. I think Natalie helped that. All it took was Zac complaining to
Taylor enough who in turn complained to Natalie.
I nod at his words, "I know," I tell him as I smile. "I'm glad you are getting
to see him. He deserves to see his daddy, even if he and Kate caught us in a
not so good position," I sigh. I have hated myself for that ever since. I hated
that it probably scarred him. Maybe one day he won't need therapy.
"I wish Kate thought like that," Zac sighs as he stands from the couch and I
just sit back.
It seems like time flies and soon Zac is leaving me to go and see his son. I
sometimes wish he was allowed to bring Shepherd here, but I know that is
pushing it right now. Kate is being generable enough just letting Zac come to
her house to see him.
Laying down on the couch, I close my eyes and drift off, knowing I have nothing
else to do right now.
A few hours later, I am startled awake by the door slamming and I raise my
head, watching as Zac comes back in. "Zac?"
Zac turns to look at me and I can just feel the anger rising off of him. It
scares me to see it and feel it. I'm half sure it has something to do with Kate
though I don't know what.
"Is everything okay?" I ask as I sit up and watch as he plops down on the
couch, holding a few pieces of paper in his head.
"No," he spits out and I jump in the air at the venom in his voice. "Kate filed
for divorce and sole custody of Shepherd. She is petitioning to have my
parental rights revoked."
I frown when he informs me of what Kate is doing. It just makes me hate her
that much more. Can't she understand that ripping a child away from their
parent won't solve anything? It certainly won't bring Zac back to her if that
is what she is trying to do. 'I'm sorry," I whisper as I walk over to Zac and
sit down on his lap.
Zac just sighs and wraps his arms around me, his hand putting the papers on the
coffee table. "I just wish she'd leave Shepherd out of this. Divorcing me is
fine but I don't want her taking away my child. I love him so much and I don't
want to lose him."
Chewing on my lip, I rest my head against his shoulder, "Then maybe," I start
as I take a deep breath almost afraid to say what I am, "maybe you should just
leave me and go back to Kate," I tell him as I frown. I don't want to lose him
but then again I don't want him to lose Shepherd either. "Make your family with
Kate work."
"No," Zac states and I feel him kiss my forehead. "I'm staying with you. I will
find a way to fight her for Shepherd but I am not losing you in the process
babe," he tells me, his voice getting almost stern. He is being serious and
standing his ground. He isn't going to let me go.
I sigh and pull away standing up. "Why? I don't want you to lose your son
because of me," I snap out as I shake my head. "I would hate myself," I mutter
as I shake my head and feel tears stinging at my eyes. "I already hate myself
for what Kate is doing."
"Avie," Zac sighs as he stands up too and reaches out for me but I pull away
from his grasp and head towards the bedroom. "Don't do this," he yells as he
follows behind me. "Don't you dare fucking run away."
Getting to the bedroom I open the closet and start to grab a suitcase, feeling
a hand grab me roughly on the arm. Turning I come face to face with Zac. "I'm
not running away," I tell him as I shake my head. "I'm just letting you keep
your son in your life."
Zac laughs bitterly as he keeps a hold of my arm, squeezing it some so I can't
pull away. "Bullshit Avery. Leaving me is running away. So what, Kate wants to
cause some hell. Let her, I will find a way to beat her. But I refuse to let
you go away. We fought so long for this. For us and I am not giving it up when
I am finally at some sort of peace."
Sighing, I drop the suitcase and I feel his grip on my arm loosen. I'm sure by
tomorrow I am going to have marks there. "Fine," I concede letting him know he
has won for now. "You win, I will stay, but if you lose Shepherd I am going to
hate myself so much," I frown my voice breaking as I feel a few tears going
down my cheek.
"I won't lose Shep," he tells me so confident. I just nod, hoping I can believe
him.
As I stand there not saying anything, I watch as he starts to lean closer to
me, soon closing the distance between us with his lips against mine. Have I
said I am addicted to his lips? I hope so because it's true. I could kiss him
all day if I had the opportunity to.
Kissing him back, I slowly let my arms go around his neck and back him towards
the bed, pushing him down before letting myself fall over him.
"What do you think you are doing?" Zac asks in between kisses as his hands find
their way under the shirt I have on, causing me to shiver just a bit.
"Taking you," I tell him as I smirk and pull away from the kiss long enough to
take my shirt off and throw it to the floor. After it is gone I lean in and
kiss him again, my hand going to unbutton the shirt he has on. I just really
need him. To let him know that I am not running away right now.
Zac soon starts to help me unbutton his shirt and then he pulls away, slipping
his shirt off and throwing it to the floor with mine, "I think I like it when
you take me," he smirked before leaning up to kiss me again.
I just laugh against his lips and kiss him hard, reaching between us to undo
his jeans and slid them off with his boxer briefs, "I like you allowing me to
take you," I whisper into his mouth as I feel him slip off my pajama shorts in
a hurry and I blush remembering that I don't have any panties on.
I feel Zac pull away from the kiss and he looks me over, "Naughty," he mutters
as his hand slips between my legs and he rubs me a few times before kissing me
again. His hand soon moves out from between my legs and his hands rest on
either side of my hips, guiding me down on him.
A moan escapes my mouth as he fills me up and I kiss him harder. I love how he
feels inside of me. I always have. "Zac," I say on his lips. "I haven't taken
my birth control today."
"One time won't hurt anything," Zac whispers as he soon starts to move me on
him and I just moan out, deciding not to move away from him. Maybe he is right.
One time won't hurt anything. I can just take my birth control tomorrow and
everything will be fine.
Biting down on his bottom lip, I turn us over so he is on top and I groan as he
starts to thrust in and out of me, hard and fast. It's the roughest he has ever
been with me and a part of me would be lying if I said I didn't like it. I do
like it.
"Fuck, Zac," I growl out as I dig my nails into his back and close my eyes as
his pace stays the same and he soon brings me over the edge, my walls closing
in around his cock.
Not long after I reach my orgasm, I feel him shudder above me and then rest his
head on my shoulder.
As we both lay there catching our breath, I feel him slide out of me and I
smile, content. "I love you," I tell him once I can speak.
"I love you too Avie," Zac smiles when he raises his head to look at me. "So
much."
I smirk and peck his lips again, "You know, since I can't leave you, you can
never leave me," I laugh as I hold him closer. "Never."
Zac just lays his head against my breast and I hear him sigh, "I will never
leave you Avery Laurel Hanson. Never."
***** April 14,2010 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "Zac...but...we" I say, stopping and starting as I try to
     form sentences.
The Broken One Chapter Nineteen
A few weeks later, I groaned as I sat in the bathroom at the 3CG offices. I had
came by to visit Zac at lunch but somehow, I had found myself in the bathroom,
getting sick. It had been happening now for the past three days. I'd get sick
every morning and it would last well into the afternoon.
Hearing a knock at the door, I sigh as I flush the toilet and lean against the
wall, "Come in," I holler out, knowing I left the door unlocked.
When the door opens, I watch as Jessica comes in and frowns down at me, "Are
you okay?" she asks as she bends down to my level. Her hand rests on my
forehead and she makes a face. "You don't feel hot," she notes then raises an
eyebrow.
"Because I'm not running a fever," I snap out as I roll my eyes. "I just, I
have been getting sick every morning for the past three days and it lasts well
into the afternoon. It always stops around dinner time," I shrug as I feel my
stomach turn again and I make a beeline for the toilet, losing the contents of
my stomach again.
Jessica remains silent until I am done and the toilet is flushed, "When was
your last period?" she asks and I am confused by the question.
Biting my lip, I think it over, "March 10th," I answer finally remembering when
it was. It's then that my eyes pop open. "Fuck, I'm late," I say as I look up
at Jessica and see a small smirk playing on her lips. "I'm eight days late," I
whisper knowing that I am usually like clock work.
"Do you think you could be pregnant?" Jessica asks as she stands up.
At her question, all I can remember is the night after my argument with Zac. We
had, had unprotected sex. I hadn't taken my birth control but he hadn't thought
just one time would hurt us. "Maybe," I answer as I stand up as well and slowly
put a hand on my still tiny stomach. "I mean we just had sex one time
unprotected. After that I took my birth control the next night."
Hearing Jessica laugh some, I look over at her, "Ave, all it takes is one
time," she shrugs before turning to leave me alone in the bathroom.
I frown to myself as I keep my hand on my stomach knowing she is right, "I
guess I'm going to have to go and buy a pregnancy test," I whisper before
moving my hand from my stomach and leaving the bathroom. I don't even say
goodbye to Zac after doing so. Instead I slip out the front door and go to my
car, getting and driving to the nearest drug store.
When I get there, I park the car and get out, heading inside and to the aisles
with pregnancy tests. I am nervous and I'm not even sure what kind of pregnancy
tests to get. I just decide to grab three different kinds.
Once I have them, I go and pay and quickly leave, driving back to the apartment
I share with Zac. The whole way there I can feel my heart beating faster and I
know there are a thousand different ways my being pregnant is wrong. "God," I
speak up as I sigh, "please don't let me be pregnant. It's wrong and there
could be something wrong with the baby if I am. Please just let every test come
out negative," I whisper as I feel tears sting my eyes.
Arriving at the apartment, I park the car and get out, grabbing the bag with
the tests in them before heading inside. Immediately going to the bathroom once
I am inside, I close the door and lay the bag on the counter, taking the first
test out and opening it, reading the directions.
I chew my lip as I hold the stick and walk over to the toilet, using it as
directed and then waiting. It's the waiting part that kills me because I just
get more nervous. I know a child isn't right and I'm not even sure if I could
go through with a pregnancy by Zac, especially if I knew the baby wasn't okay.
"Here goes nothing," I mutter to myself as I look at my clock and see the time
for waiting has ended. Moving from the edge of the bathtub where I had been
sitting I pick up the stick and frown when I see two very strong pink lines. I
know two pink lines means I am pregnant.
Laying the stick down, I open the other box and read the directions deciding to
take it as well. Maybe there was a fluke with the first one. Using the second
one I wait the time it says and again check, this time greeted by a positive
symbol. "Fuck," I hiss out before deciding on the last one.
By the time I am done with the third I have three positive pregnancy test
results on the bathroom sink. This is not happening. I am not pregnant. I can't
be fucking pregnant, but I am.
Falling to the floor I break down in tears as I bring my knees to my chest.
This pregnancy just makes everything even worse, because I know once Kate knows
she is going to flip her shit.
Staying in the bathroom for awhile, I wipe my eyes when I hear the front door
open and Zac calling out my name. "In the bathroom," I answer him as I stand
from the floor and fix my clothes.
When the door opens, I turn to look at Zac.
"What are you doing in here?" Zac asks as he steps in and raises an eyebrow.
"Have you been crying?" he asks softly and I just nod my head at his question.
I'm not even sure how to tell him I am pregnant with his baby. "I...I found out
some news today," I frown as I reach for one of the pregnancy tests, handing it
to him. "We are having a baby," I whisper as my voice falters and I feel the
tears coming again.
Zac just takes the test and looks at, staying silent for the longest time. So
silent that I am afraid he is going into shock. "W..we're having a baby," he
finally speaks and it's then I notice the smile on his lips. How can he smile
at a time like this? How can he be happy?
"You're happy?" I ask as feel more tears coming down my cheek.
Zac nods and lays the stick back down on the sink, "Why wouldn't I be?" he asks
me as he reaches over and wipes the tears from my eyes.
I just look away from him, "Because, this baby is going to make Kate so much
more pissed off and not to mention the health problems it could have. You have
to think of all the problems with incest babies," I mutter as I shake my head.
Is Zac even using his brain right now? It really doesn't seem like he is.
"I know all of that Avery," he tells me as his hands rest on my cheeks. "But we
can deal with Kate like we have been doing and as for the health problems, it's
a fifty percent chance it could be fine too, let's think positive okay," he
nods before leaning in and pecking my lips. "Let's just be happy that God
allowed us to have a baby."
At his mention of God, I raise an eyebrow, "You really think God allowed this?"
I ask not sure if it was God or us just being dumb and stupid.
Zac just smiles as his brown eyes lock with my own, "Of course I think it was
God," he nods. "God has a reason for everything he does.
I just roll my eyes. I really want to believe him but it's so hard. I can't see
how God would want us to have a baby together. I can't see how any higher being
would. "I'll try to be happy," I tell him as I shake my head. "For you."
"Good," he smiles more as he leans in and pecks my lips again. "We're having a
baby," he says as he pulls away and runs out of the room.
I just follow behind him confused, "Yeah, we are," I tell him as I find him our
bedroom, rummaging through his underwear drawer. When he turns around to face
me I am even more confused at the box in his hand and him coming over to me.
When he opens the box, I feel my eyes widen at the diamond band in it,
"Zac...but...we" I say, stopping and starting as I try to form sentences. "We
can't ever get married."
Zac just grabs my hand and squeezes it, "I know, but I still want you to wear
my ring," he says as he takes the ring out. "Just do me the honor of spending
the rest of your life with me," he laughs. "That's as good as being married
isn't it?"
I laugh some as well, "I guess it is," I smile and nod. "I'll wear your ring
and do you the honor of spending the rest of my life with you."
"I was hoping you'd say that," Zac tells me as he slips the ring on my finger.
Looking down at the ring on my finger I can't help but think that it looks just
right. It fits perfect. "How long have you had this?"
Zac shrugs as he walks towards the door, "Since Valentine's day," he smirks.
"Now come on, let's go out to eat so I can get fed...and if our baby is
anything like me I'm sure it's hungry too."
I just laugh and shake my head, walking to him and taking his hand, "Your baby
is nothing like you. If it was it wouldn't keep making mommy sick so she is
never hungry."
***** Chapter 20 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "Why the hell are you here and why are you so drunk?"
The Broken One Chapter Twenty
Arriving back home I get out and get Junia out, letting her walk inside as I
walk behind her. The moment we get in Kate is sitting on the stairs and Junia
runs over to her like a child on Christmas day which breaks my heart.
I hate seeing Kate with my child. I hate myself for this situation I am now in,
"She is fine," I say through gritted teeth when Kate stands up. "Just a few
stitches," I mutter as I walk into the living room away from the woman who I
can tell just from her face is fuming.
"There you are," my mother says relieved the moment I step into the living
room. She is sitting on the couch with Natalie whose face is red and blotchy
from crying.
I raise my eyebrow, "Is she okay?" I ask as I look from Natalie to my mother in
confusion.
Natalie shakes her head no at my question, "Taylor is missing. H..he hasn't
been home since the night Zac shot himself."
"He is missing?" I ask as I feel my heartbeat faster in my chest. The only
thing flashing through my head is my one night stand with him. The one Zac had
seen. "Have you tried calling him?" I ask her, chewing on my lip. I might have
a suspicion on where he is. Especially if he is like me and blaming himself for
Zac's death.
Natalie nods her head, "Yes," she croaks out and I sigh.
"I..I think I know where to find him," I confess as I turn around and leave the
living room, glad I had kept my mom's keys in my pocket. Going back outside, I
get in the car and drive off towards our family's cabin.
It only takes an hour to get there and I was thankful there wasn't much
traffic. Parking the car, I get out and head towards the porch, seeing a light
on in the living room. Trying the knob I find it locked so I raise my hand and
knock a few times.
"Go away," Taylor's voice yells from the other side of the door and I can tell
from the slur that he is drunk. Has Zac's death really messed him up that
badly?
I ignore his words and knock again. I'm not going to go away. I want answers as
to why he has ran off from Natalie and why he is drunk. When I raise my hand to
knock again, I jump slightly as the door opens and I come face to face with
Taylor. He looks disheveled. His hair is a mess, his clothes are all wrinkled
and it smells like he has bathed himself in alcohol.
"I told you to go away," Taylor slurs as he gets in my face and I make a face
at how awful his breath smells. He really needs a fucking shower.
I roll my eyes and push him away as I make my way in, "I know what you told me
to do," I sigh, "but I'm not one for listening to what I am told to do," I
shrug as I hear him shut the door behind me. "Why the hell are you here and why
are you so drunk?"
I hear Taylor laugh and watch as he walks over to the couch and slumps down. "I
can't get the images of Zac dead out of my head," he frowns. "You know, Kate
wasn't the first one to find him. I did. I found him and those images haunt
me," he whispers and I watch as a few tears go down his eyes.
"You what?!" I ask shocked at his admission of finding Zac dead first. "But why
didn't you say anything?" I ask as I sit down beside him and reach over to
brush the tears away but he moves away from me.
Taylor looks down and away from me. "Because I feel responsible for him being
dead," he voices and I want to scream. I want to scream and tell him it's my
fault that Zac is gone and not his. Everything is my fault.
"It's not your fault Taylor. It's mine," I finally spit out after a few minutes
of silence. "I'm the one who left him because of Kate. I'm the one who used you
to convince him I had moved on. Me, I did this not you. I'm the reason he took
his own life," I spit out as a lump forms in my throat and I reach for the half
empty bottle of whiskey sitting on the table.
It has finally hit me yet again that Zac is gone. He left me without even
saying goodbye to me. He left me without anything and maybe that is karma
because in a way I did the same to him too. Taking a drink from the whiskey
bottle I make a face as it goes down and burns my throat in the process.
Taylor steals the bottle from me and takes a drink, "I hurt him. I had sex with
you and hurt him," he frowns more and I see more tears going down his cheeks.
"I shouldn't have been so drunk. I should have pushed you away."
"You should have but like you said you were drunk. You weren't exactly thinking
right," I shrug as I take the bottle from him and take a drink. "At least he
forgave you. You know he never even forgave me. He would never speak to me
after he saw us. I tried calling him but he never returned my calls and then
the next thing I know is mom calling saying he is dead."
I watch as Taylor shakes his head, "Zac...I found a letter addressed to you on
his desk when I found him," Taylor confesses as he reaches into his jeans and
pulls out the letter. "I didn't read it but I guess if he addressed it to you
then maybe he wasn't that mad at you."
Taking the letter from him, I raise my eyebrows and unfold it, letting myself
read what it said. I'm surprised that Zac would even write me a letter. That he
had even thought about me in his final moments alive.
Dear Avery,
If you are reading this, then it means you know what I have done. What I have
chosen to do. I...I'm sorry it came to this. I'm sorry that I left you and I'm
even sorry that you never got to say goodbye to me. I had to do it though. I
didn't see any other way. I had lost you because of Kate and a week ago Kate
informed me she was filing for divorce and was going to take the kids, both of
them. I had already lost you. I didn't want to lose my kids too because my
bitch of a wife. I just don't see any other way for this to be better except
with me out of the picture. I....just know I love you. I always have loved you
and you know I always will, no matter where my soul goes. I made you one last
thing though. I made last night, before I drove here to the studio. It's in my
dresser at home, you know if Kate hasn't found it yet. Hopefully she hasn't.
Zac
P.S. You and I will meet again one day. I'm sure of it.
Folding the paper back up, I put it in my pocket and feel tears stinging at my
eyes. Damn him for leaving me and hurting me. Damn him.
"I hate him," I yell as I stand up and walk over to a shelf where some pictures
are. "I hate him so much," I snap as I knock the pictures off the shelf not
jumping as they fall to the floor and the glass shatters. "He left me and I
never even got to say goodbye," I squeak as I feel arms around me and I fall to
the floor bringing Taylor with me. He still stinks but at least he is here for
me when I need him.
Taylor shushes me and I feel him rubbing my back trying to calm me down. "You
will be fine Avery," he reassures me and I want to laugh. I don't think I will
ever be fine again. How can I be? Zac is dead and he left me behind. He left me
and now on top of that I'm confused over what to do with Junia.
I shake my head, "I will never be fine Taylor," I sigh as I shut my eyes and
listen to his faint heartbeat in my ears. "I just want to stop hurting and
missing Zac," I frown, feeling myself yawn. Before I know it, I have fallen
asleep in Taylor's arms.
***** August 26,2010 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "How?" he asks through gritted teeth, "because I swear if
     she threatened our baby I will kill her," he snaps and I jump.
The Broken One Chapter Twenty One
I run a hand over my belly as I sit in the doctor's office. I'm five months
pregnant now and today is the day that Zac and I find out if the baby is okay.
We get to find out if our baby is okay and healthy. Looking down at my
wristwatch I sigh. Zac is running late. He was supposed to be here ten minutes
ago. He had to pick Shepherd up because it was his day with Shepherd.
Kate had agreed not to take sole custody of Shepherd and now she was also
allowing Zac to take him back to our place one weekend out of the month. Her
whole attitude had changed once she knew I was pregnant. I know I'm probably
crazy but I can't help thinking she has something planned with this new change.
Hearing the door open, I turn my head and raise an eyebrow when I see Kate
coming in and my eyebrow goes even higher when she sits down beside me.
"Zac had to take Shepherd to the dentist," Kate informs her voice coming out as
sweet as sugar. It makes me nervous how sweet it is. "He told me to come and be
here with you when you got your results back on your little bastard's tests."
I roll my eyes when she calls the baby a little bastard. It's far from being a
bastard and it hurts me that she has the nerve to call the baby a bastard. It's
innocent in all of this.
"Nice to see you are still your old bitchy self," I mutter. "I was beginning to
think you may have grown a heart."
Kate smirks, "I'll never stop being a bitch until Zac is mine again Avery."
Again I roll my eyes, "Zac is never going to be yours again Kate," I smile and
want to say more but my name is called so I stand up and follow the nurse back,
Kate hot on my heels. I almost wish she wasn't here. I hate her being here and
when I see Zac I am going to rim him a new one for this.
Getting back to a room I am instructed to sit down and I sigh as my vitals are
taken and put down on a chart by a nurse who leaves the room and tells me that
the doctor will be with me shortly.
Once the nurse leaves, Kate sits down in the chair and eyes me, "You nervous
about that thing inside of you?" she asks as she crosses her arms over her
chest. "I know I would be if I was having my brother's baby."
"I am nervous," I admit ignoring the fact that she is being rude. "But
hopefully the baby is fine," I smile as I put a hand on my stomach. I am slowly
starting to show and I have a tiny bump now.
Kate rolls her eyes now, "You sound like Zac, so positive," she says as she
watches me rub my belly. "I am betting the odds are both against you and once
something is wrong with that bastard Zac will realize he can't be saddled with
a kid who has something wrong with it, then he will come crawling back to me
and his son, where he should be."
I glare at Kate. I hope she is wrong about the baby having something wrong with
it and even if she isn't I highly doubt Zac would just leave me like that. He
wouldn't abandon me or his kid, no matter the circumstances.
When the door opens again, I smile when I see the doctor come in the room. She
looks happy so maybe things are okay with the baby. Maybe the baby is okay. I
am still so hopeful that it is. I mean things minus Kate are going so good for
Zac and I right now.
"It's nice to see you again Avery," the doctor speaks as her eyes travel to
Kate and she just offers a smile, one in which Kate returns to her.
"It's nice to see you as well Dr. Harrison," I say as I watch her open her
charts after she looks at Kate. "So the results are back?" I ask as I hear my
voice crack some, showing the nerves I had been denying I had.
Dr. Harrison shakes her head yes and looks at me again. This time her face
isn't showing any emotions and it has me worried. "Your daughter is a healthy
young baby according to all of our tests."
Smiling when I hear the baby is okay, I put a hand on my stomach, "Did you hear
that Junebug. You are okay," I say to my belly as I use the nickname for my
daughter. It was a nickname Zac chose after we found out our baby was a girl.
We still hadn't chose a name yet but Zac always keeps calling her Junebug so
now I follow suit.
Looking up at the Doctor again, I watch as she leaves the room and I stand from
the bed, going towards the door. I stop walking though when I feel a hand on my
arm. Turning around I come face to face with Kate who I reckon has learned to
walk silently.
"Your baby is fine," Kate smiles making me know there is something more she
wants than to congratulate me. "Now how about we come to an agreement," she
whispers as she moves her hand off my shoulder and crosses her arms. "You stick
around town until you give birth and once that little bundle of incest joy is
here you leave and let Zac and I raise her."
I almost want to laugh at her words but I don't. Instead I glare and cross my
own arms, "And if I don't?" I ask feeling afraid of what she will say next.
Kate's smile turns to a smirk at my question, "I'll alert the police to your
little relationship," she tells me before moving away, brushing past me on her
way out of the room.
Standing there dumbfounded I frown but follow her out of the room, glad that I
have let her get some distance between us because I really do not want to see
her in the parking lot.
When I get to the waiting room I go to the receptionists desk and pay my co-pay
before making a regular appointment for next month.
After everything is done inside I go out to my car, again I am thankful Kate is
no longer there. Getting in the car I start it up and drive off. I know once
Zac gets home I need to confront him about this. Him thinking it was okay to
have Kate come to my appointment. He had to know it wasn't.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Hearing the door open I stand at the stove putting the finishing touches on the
spaghetti I have made for dinner tonight. I know it's Zac coming in and I am
ready for confronting him when he reaches the kitchen.
"I'm home," Zac's voice speaks from the doorway and I turn to face him, keeping
my face neutral. I don't want to give away yet that I am mad at him.
"How was Shepherd's dentist appointment?" I ask him as I walk over to the
cabinets where we keep our plates and I get them down.
Zac raises an eyebrow, "You remembered that was today?" he asks confused.
"Because I forgot until I went to Kate's. Which reminds me Shepherd is passed
out on the couch. He wanted to go to the park after his appointment so I
agreed. The park wore him out and he was out like a light on the drive here."
Taking the plates to the stove, I sit them down, spooning spaghetti on each
plate. "Actually I didn't remember either," I tell him. "Kate told me when she
came to the doctor's office for me. I don't know why you thought sending her in
your place was a good idea."
"What do you mean I sent her in my place?" Zac asks confusion clear in his
voice. "I just told her I felt guilty for having to miss your appointment but I
never sent her for me."
I roll my eyes when I finally realize that of course Kate lied to me. She did
what she always does. She found a way to be a bitch and also to try to worm her
away back into Zac's life romantically by the threat of telling the police
about Zac and I if I don't leave town after giving birth.
"I should have figured she was lying," I state as I pick up a plate of
spaghetti. Turning to face Zac again I hand the plate off to him. "She said you
told her to come and be with me as I got the results," I laugh as I tell him
the lie she told me.
Zac shakes his head, walking to the table with his plate. "You should have
known better than to believe her Ave," he sighs.
I nod my head knowing he is right. "I know," I sigh dejectedly. "But she just
lies so well," I shrug as I pick up my own plate of spaghetti and head to the
table as well. "She also managed to threaten me."
At the mention of Kate threatening me Zac drops his fork, his eyes going dark.
"How?" he asks through gritted teeth, "because I swear if she threatened our
baby I will kill her," he snaps and I jump. From his expression and the way he
spoke I could really believe he would indeed kill her if he had the chance.
"She didn't threaten harm against me," I smile hoping to calm him down. "She
just said that she wants me to leave town after I give birth, especially now
that she knows the baby is healthy. If I don't leave town then she is going to
tell the police about us."
Zac's expression finally changes and he soon laughs as he picks up his fork and
takes a bite of his food. "She's pathetic," he says after he swallows his food.
"Don't be too worried about her threat. It's just empty-handed."
I give him another smile, "I'm not worried," I shake my head as I reach for my
fork, finally taking a bite as well. "I know she is just talking out of her
ass."
Zac offers me a smile and just like that everything is okay again between us.
The rest of dinner goes by well and we both do the dishes. It's almost amazing
how perfect things are and I can't help but give in to that pessimistic side of
me. What if Kate does find a way to ruin all of this? What if she does get the
police involved? Zac and I could go to jail, this would make headlines which
would ruin the band. We could lose our child to child protective services.
Shaking my head I come out of my thoughts, looking over at Zac who is rinsing
off one of the dishes. Smirking I lean in and kiss his cheek, "I love you Zac."
"I love you too Avery," Zac smiles as he turns his head to look at me. When we
lock eyes he leans in and kisses me. I know that for now the dishes are going
to have to wait, something that is confirmed as Zac picks me up and carries me
down the hall to our bedroom. At least one good thing has came out of Shepherd
and Kate catching us. We now have sex in our bedroom with the door locked when
company is over.
***** Chapter 22 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "Is Avery here?" Carrick asks after what seems like a long
     moment of silence.
The Broken One Chapter Twenty-Two
Waking up alone on the floor of the cabin, I look around trying to figure out
where Taylor went. Things may have been hazy after I read Zac's letter but I
know that I fell asleep in Taylor's arms as he tried to comfort me during my
breakdown.
Standing up I look down at the shattered picture frames on the floor, realizing
that I did that. I caused that damage to be done. I knew I would have to clean
it up eventually. It was only right to do that, I had made the mess.
Hearing footsteps coming down the hall, I turn to see Taylor coming into view,
a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair dripping wet. At least he finally
got a shower.
"You woke up," Taylor smiles at me, his hand running through his hair. I have
to look away from him to stop the butterflies in my stomach. I haven't seen him
naked since our drunken one night stand four months ago and even then I didn't
get butterflies seeing him naked.
I nod my head, "Yeah, I was wondering where you had gotten off too," I force a
smile as I turn to look at him again. I do my best to ignore the feelings he is
causing me to have.
Taylor laughs as he sits down on the couch, "I figured it was time I finally
showered. I swear my clothes could stand on their own when I took them off
finally," he shrugs as he looks at me. The moment our eyes lock I feel my
cheeks go red. Why is just looking into his eyes making me blush?
"I should probably shower then maybe we can go back home. I know Natalie is
worried sick about you," I tell him as we keep eye contact, my blush getting
much worse than it was before.
"I'm not sure still if I am ready to go home," Taylor says as he lips curl into
something of a smirk or maybe I am just imagining that. "But we can talk about
things," he nods. "Maybe we can also go to that diner down the road that has
really amazing pancakes."
I shake my head a laugh coming out, "Zac always thought those pancakes were
horrendous," I sigh as I walk down the hall towards the bathroom. I know I will
have to put the same clothes back on but I need a shower. I need something to
cool me down.
Going into the bathroom, I shut the door, stripping naked. Reaching for the
clothes I took off I lay them on the back of the toilet and go to the shower,
turning the water on. When I am satisfied with the temperature I step in, my
head falling back as the water hits me.
Closing my eyes all I can see is Taylor standing in just a towel with his body
dripping wet. Maybe this shower was a bad idea.
Biting my lip I let my hand travel between my legs one of my fingers finding
their way inside of me. As I began to move it all I can think of is how Taylor
felt inside of me when we had sex. It wasn't the best sex of my life but it was
good.
Moaning out as my finger moves faster I close my eyes tighter a second finger
going inside of me. I know I am really going to hell now if I wasn't before.
Getting off to thoughts of Taylor. I don't love him so maybe I can equate what
is happening today to being horny. It's not like I have had sex since our one
night stand. I haven't.
"T...Taylor," I moan out as both of my fingers now move at the same pace. "Fuck
Taylor."
The moment after I get the fuck Taylor out is when my eyes shoot open. Feeling
someone moving my fingers out of me I look down into a pair of blue eyes. I
want so badly to object or say anything but I don't, especially after he lifts
my leg around his shoulder and his face heads towards my aching pussy.
I moan out again as I feel his tongue connect with my clit. My head falls back
again though my eyes don't close at least not yet. First I let my hand go down
and tangle in his hair which is getting wet again.
"Taylor," I whimper out as he takes my clit into his mouth, sucking on it
slowly teasing me. He is just as good as Zac was at this. Though he will never
be the best.
When Taylor moves his mouth away I pout, looking down at him. He just laughs as
he stands up, his arms wrapping around my waist as he pulls me into him. The
moment our lips connect I kiss him like I haven't been kissed in ages and I
haven't at least not by the man I have wanted to kiss but he will never get
that chance again because he is gone.
Kissing him more I let out a tiny groan as my back connects with the cold
shower wall. "Taylor," I whisper letting myself pull away from him and look
into his eyes. "I...we're not drunk."
"I know," he nods his head as he leaves a small kiss on my cheek. "But I think
after last night this is what you need. To show you that you can survive
without Zac. That you will be fine."
Before I have a chance to say anything more he kisses me again, his hand
reaching down to lift my leg up to his waist. After he does that I close my
eyes again as he enters me. His intrusion isn't unwanted though. In fact it is
much needed. I need him right now. Maybe he is right. Even though I am thinking
of Zac maybe I can survive without him.
Kissing him back I bit down on his bottom lip as he begins to move in and out
of me at a nice pace. Before long I am matching his movements the only sounds
in the bathroom now is the water running, the sound of skin on skin and an
occasional moan out of either Taylor or I.
When Taylor's lips move off mine, finding their way down onto my neck, I close
my eyes tighter moving my head only slightly so he can have better access to
the spots he wants to kiss. It's during that moment that I can almost feel
Zac's lips on me again.
Opening my eyes I take in my surroundings realizing that the feel of Zac's lips
was just my imagination. Bringing Taylor closer to me I hold him as if he is my
only lifeline my nails digging into his back as I do so.
"Fuck," I mutter as I feel my walls close around him my orgasm fully hitting
me. "Taylor," I whimper out as I chew on my lip.
It's not long after I reach my orgasm that I feel Taylor slowing down his
movements then I feel him release inside of me his lips now leaving small
kisses all up and down my neck which makes me shiver.
Once he is done he lays his head against my shoulder leaving a small kiss there
as well.
When he pulls away I just watch as he gets out of the shower. I stand there
letting the now cold water hit me, waiting until I hear the door shut and I
know he is gone before I get out.
Finding a towel I wrap it around me before I bend over to turn the shower off.
When it's off that is when I hear a knock at the door. Going to the door I
crack it just enough so I can hear Taylor talking to whoever it is.
"Carrick," Taylor speaks his words coming out shocked at the presence of Zac's
best friend and my ex. Feeling my eyes widen I chew my lip hard wondering what
he is doing here. Has my mother sent him to find me and her car again?
"Is Avery here?" Carrick asks after what seems like a long moment of silence.
Again another moment of silence passes before Taylor answers him, "Yeah she is.
You can come in if you want."
Hearing Taylor's words I shut the door to the bathroom. Dropping the towel I
dress quickly and leave the bathroom, finding that Taylor is still wearing just
a towel, though he is now cleaning up the mess I made. The mess I was going to
clean up.
Carrick who is standing awkwardly by the door notices me his eyebrow raising.
"Did you just get out of the shower?" he asks his voice taking a tone I don't
like. I feel like he is piecing things together. Figuring out that Taylor and I
had sex. That Taylor is who I had sex with to make Zac think I had moved on.
"Yeah," I answer honestly watching as he looks at Taylor who passes him to go
throw away the broken glass.
Carrick just shakes his head, "It was him," he says his voice sounding hurt.
"He is the one you had sex with and you did it again," he accuses his words
coming out much harsher than he has ever talked to me before. "What would Zac
think?" he asks as he opens the door going outside.
Running a hand through my hair I follow behind him, "Why do you even care that
I slept with him again? You have never judged me before," I yell out which
causes him to stop in his tracks.
"I'm not judging you Avery," Carrick tells me as he turns to face me. "I guess
I just thought...nevermind," he whispers as he shakes his head. "I just came
here to tell you that your mom is worried and she said for you to call her."
With that said Carrick turns away from me again and walks back to his car. I
jump when he slams the door shut. Frowning as he drives away I stand outside
just staring at the now deserted parking place where his car was.
When I turn around I see Taylor standing on the porch. "I don't know what his
problem is," I sigh as I make it to the porch.
"His problem is he loves you," Taylor states a smirk playing on his lips. "He
loves you still."
Going silent at his words I refuse to believe them. Carrick doesn't still love
me. Too much time has passed, anyway he knows I will never love him back, at
least not romantically.
***** September 16,2010 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "A massage would be nice," I wink at him, moving so he can
     have better access to my back.
The Broken One Chapter Twenty-Three
Waking up in the middle of the night I groan as I get out of the small tour bus
bunk bed. I'm six months pregnant now and those bunk beds really aren't the
greatest thing in the world. Nor is being pregnant, not with the constant
peeing I seem to be doing lately.
Reaching the bathroom I open the door fast. Going inside I race to the toilet
and do my business quickly feeling a bit relieved though the back pain is still
there. "I really wish you'd give mommy a break Junebug," I frown as I wash my
hands quickly.
After my hands are washed I leave the bathroom, almost colliding with Zac once
the door is open.
"Sorry," Zac apologizes giving me a smirk. "I didn't know you were in there,"
he laughs as he passes me to go in the bathroom.
"You should know I am in there. I am always in there lately. I think Junebug is
permanently resting on my bladder," I joke as I walk away, going to sit down on
a couch near the front of the bus. I need to sit up for awhile and see if I can
get my back to stop hurting.
Hearing the bathroom door open I look up, seeing Zac come out. I smile when he
walks over to where I am. "You could have went back to bed babe," I yawn out
before kissing his cheek softly. "I would have but laying in that bed is making
my back hurt."
Zac frowns when he hears me, "I can give you a massage if you want," he tells
me as he reaches over, his hand rubbing my arm softly. His hand makes me shiver
just a bit.
"A massage would be nice," I wink at him, moving so he can have better access
to my back. When I feel his hands move to my back I close my eyes, smiling as
his hands start to work their magic on my aching back. "Your hands feel really
good Zac."
I hear Zac laugh but he keeps his hands moving, "I'm pretty sure anything I do
to you feels good," he says sounding cocky about that. Of course he would be
cocky that asshole.
"You have such a huge ego," I respond but moan out when his hands hit the right
spot on my back. Hell, maybe he has a reason to have a huge ego, I am always
feeding said ego. Fuck I am one of those people they call enablers.
I'm sure without even seeing Zac's face he is smirking. "I think your little
moan just proved me right," he whispers as he leans in closer to me, his lips
brushing my earlobe softly causing me to shiver again. "Maybe you should come
sleep in my bunk after this."
I shake my head, "With both of it would be more cramped and my poor back would
be even worse," I tell him not wanting to risk that. "Maybe once we get to
California we can get a hotel room in one of the places we are at."
"Or we could stay at Carrick's," Zac suggests reminding me that Carrick will be
at the California shows. I had almost forgot he was even coming.
"I forgot Carrick would be at the shows," I tell Zac honestly. "I'm kind of
nervous to see him, I mean I haven't see him since we left California when we
first got together. What if he was lying about not being upset? What if he is
upset?" I ask not wanting problems from him when we already have them from Kate
right now.
Zac stops rubbing my back but he stays close to me, his hands coming around to
rest on my stomach, "I am sure he will be fine," he assures me as he kisses my
earlobe. "You know I've been thinking about the baby." Zac starts changing the
subject on me.
I raise my eyebrow, leaning into him, "What about the baby?" I ask wondering
just what he has been thinking of.
"Names," Zac confesses which makes me turn to look at him.
I raise my eyebrow higher, "You have any you like?" I ask him curiously. I know
I have some I like but I'm not sure if he'd like them.
Zac nods, "I was kind of thinking of Junia. It's connected to a Saint like
Shepherd's name is and I mean we already call her Junebug anyway, may as well
give her a June sounding name," he laughs a smile forming on his lips as if he
is proud of himself for this. He has a reason to be though because I love the
name Junia.
"I have a few names in mind that could go with Junia," I tell him as I put a
hand on my belly, feeling the baby kicking me. "Rosa and Ruth. Rosa after that
one song and Ruth from the bible. I think they'd both sound good with Junia
actually," I smile as I rub my belly. "Junia Rosa Ruth Hanson."
Zac smiles as he pulls me into him again, my head now resting against his neck,
"I like that name," he says his voice sounding sincere. "Junia Rosa Ruth Hanson
it is then."
Yawning I close my eyes, falling asleep against him. I wasn't planning on sleep
but I guess I needed it.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
When I open my eyes again I realize I am in my bunk. Zac must have brought me
back to it at some point after I went to sleep. Getting out of the bunk again I
walk down the hall towards the front, seeing Isaac reading a paper though there
is no sign of anyone else.
"Where are we?" I ask Isaac when he looks up from his paper at me. The bus is
stopped but I don't think we have got to the venue yet. The sun is still barely
out yet.
Isaac turns the page of the paper he is reading, "A gas station. Zac and Taylor
are in stocking up on junk food. We still have a few more hours until we will
make it to the venue."
Not saying anything else to Isaac I just turn around, heading towards the back
of the bus where I know Zac will be after his food run.
Shutting the door behind me I walk to the couch, laying down and letting my
eyes close again. I'm almost asleep again when the door opens.
"Avery?" Zac asks as I feel him sit down at the end of where my feet are. "I
thought I put you back in your bunk," he says as I hear his video game music
start up.
"You did," I tell him as I open my eyes to look at him. "But I woke up and
wanted to know where we were at."
Zac just nods but his attention is now in that video game and the junk food he
is eating.
Rolling my eyes playfully I turn my head, trying to watch his game. "I will
never understand your obsession with your boring ass video games," I tease him,
laughing when he moves one of his hands off his controller long enough to flip
me off.
"Yeah fuck you too baby," I say as I close my eyes again a content sigh
escaping my lips. For once I am relaxed and I think it's because I am away from
the state where Kate is. I don't have to worry about her maybe threatening me
again with the cops nor trying to threaten Zac either.
Before I know it I have drifted off to sleep for a second time.
***** Chapter 24 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "I'll sleep in the bedroom," I mutter as I stand up from the
     couch. "I'm sure you can handle the couch for the night," I tell him
     my voice going as cold as he is now acting towards me.
The Broken One Chapter Twenty-Four
Looking at Taylor as he drives us back from the diner I chew on my lip, "Do you
regret what happened in the shower?" I ask him softly not even sure if he will
hear my words.
Taylor looks at me, his blue eyes locking with my brown ones, "I may regret the
first time we had sex a few months ago but I don't regret what we did today
Avery."
After he speaks I go silent again. I am shocked by his words. I never expected
him to say that he didn't regret it because I thought he would, even if he was
doing it to show me I could survive without Zac. I just figured he would
remember he has a wife and kids at home. That he can't just have sex with his
sister or any other woman like that.
Seeing him arrive at the cabin I unbuckle as he comes to a stop. Still staying
silent I get out of the car, following him back inside. "I don't regret it
either," I finally speak once he has shut the front door. "Even if it did make
Carrick jealous like you think."
Taylor smiles at me moving closer which gives me butterflies, "You have nothing
to regret Ave," he tells me as his hands cup my chin. "I mean last I checked
incest isn't new to you nor is Carrick your boyfriend."
"You're married," I remind him knowing I should regret sleeping with another
married man. "I should regret sleeping with you at least for that."
"You've been with married men before," he whispers before putting his lips
against mine again. This time the kiss isn't unexpected nor am I actually
wanting or entertaining thoughts of pushing him away from me.
Kissing him back I slowly back us over to the couch. I know where this is going
and I am not going to stop it. I need this again, I need sex with him again.
The shower sex with him made me feel alive it seemed, he made me feel alive.
"I need you Taylor," I mutter into his mouth as we fall onto the couch, his
hand instantly finding it's way under my shirt the minute we do.
He doesn't say anything, he just keeps kissing me, his lips moving down to my
neck and his hand going farther up my shirt. His touch is almost like fire to
my body. It's bringing me to life. Something I haven't felt since Zac died.
Pulling away from the kiss, I toss my shirt to the floor before bringing Taylor
in for another kiss a moan coming out of me as his hands run across my bra his
index finger and thumb slowly pulling on my nipple through the material of the
bra.
"Taylor," I whimper out as he continues to tease me. "Just take me already," I
snap out harshly as I pull away to look into his eyes. My words seems to open
up something in him. Something raw and unknown to me. It almost scares me while
turning me on at the same time.
Without saying anything Taylor moves away from me, "Turn over," he finally
speaks his voice ragged. It's a tone he has never used with me but I obey him
anyway, turning over for him.
Once I have done that I feel his weight on me, his lips going to my neck as his
find their way beneath my waist. I let out a tiny moan when I feel his hands
undoing my jeans but a whimper soon replaces that when Taylor moves away again.
Is he trying to deliberately tease me and be an ass.
"Get on all fours Avery," Taylor tells me another command, one in which I
follow. "Pull your pants down."
Biting my lip I reach down pushing my pants and panties down. As I do I hear
Taylor's zipper being undone and I know he is going to do what I asked him. He
is going to take me.
Feeling him over me again I close my eyes as his cock slowly rubs against my
entrance. I'm glad that he is taking me there and not the other way he could
take me. Zac tried that a few times. I never really liked it.
"Fuck," I moan out when he finally enters inside me. This time he isn't as
gentle as he was in the shower but it still feels so good. It still makes me
feel alive. When he starts to move inside of me I bit down on my lip again as
my nails dig into the couch cushion.
Taylor's hands soon come to rest on my hips, his thrusts inside of me staying
fast and harder which causes me to moan at almost every one of them. I don't
think Zac or Carrick was ever this animalistic when it came to fucking but I
could see how it fits Taylor.
"Is this what you wanted Avery?" he asks me as his nails dig into the flesh of
my hips. I'm not sure if that was on purpose or not. Is it wrong that I think
it was? "Is this how you wanted me to take you?" he asks before moving one of
his hands off of my waist.
Feeling the hand go around me I shiver as it comes between my legs. "It is how
I wanted you to take me," I answer him right before his index finger slips
inside of me. The moment it connects with my clit I close my eyes tighter.
Taylor has definitely had tons of practice on how to fuck a woman.
Before I know it I feel my orgasm coming on and I scream out Taylor's name at
the same time he releases inside of me. Collapsing against the couch I open my
eyes feeling Taylor move out of me.
I'm not even sure if I can move but I try too. I slowly turn over on my back
adjusting my pants and panties before zipping my jeans back up. "Fuck," I
mutter not sure what else to say about what has just happened.
Taylor who has also finished fixing his pants again looks at me as he sits down
on the couch, "We should head back home tomorrow," he tells me as he looks
straight ahead. "No one is too know what happened here at the cabin," he
informs me. "I did it for you and that is it."
Going silent I nod to let him know I understand but a part of me doesn't.
Before this time he seemed so gentle and sweet. Now he is closed off and
reserved almost like a robot. Did what just happen this time change him?
"I'll sleep in the bedroom," I mutter as I stand up from the couch. "I'm sure
you can handle the couch for the night," I tell him my voice going as cold as
he is now acting towards me.
Without another word I head to the bedroom, shutting and locking the door when
I get there. Going to the bed I lay down but don't cover up. Instead I bring my
knees to me and cry. Of course Taylor was just using me because no one will
ever love me, at least not the way Zac did. No one but Carrick.
Closing my eyes I wipe my tears away. When we get home tomorrow I will make a
mental note to go by Carrick's hotel. Apologize for today and then try to get
back in his good graces. I can't let our friendship be ruined because he may be
jealous over an asshole like Taylor.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The next day I follow Taylor all the way back into Tulsa, though instead of
going to his house I drive back to my parents house. Parking the car in the
driveway I get out watching as my mom comes running over to me.
"Avery Laurel Hanson," she sighs as she pulls me into a hug, holding me to her
tightly. "I was so worried about you," she mutters. As she hugs me I feel her
body shudder and it's then I realize she is crying. "I was scared I had lost
another child."
Frowning I hug my mom back, "You didn't lose me, I just, I knew where to find
Taylor. It took awhile but I finally convinced him to come back," I lie to her
as she pulls away, looking me over. I know I shouldn't but I feel scared she
will be able to look at me and see that I fucked Taylor. That I allowed him to
use me not once but twice.
My mom smiles but I can tell it is forced, "Don't ever do that again, disappear
like that and not call," she mutters before wiping at her eyes. "Kate left you
something while you were gone, actually she ran it by Carrick. It's in your
bedroom."
I nod watching as my mom walks inside. I'm sad that Zac's death has now made my
mother so scared she has lost a child when she doesn't hear from them after
just a day. I'm also shocked at her telling me that Kate had Carrick run
something over to the house. I'm guessing whatever it is, is maybe what Zac
talked about in the letter.
Hell maybe Kate isn't that much of a bitch after all or maybe she has just let
me have that as a bargain for me letting her keep Junia which I still haven't
decided on. I'm still not sure what I want to do about Junia.
Taking out my cell phone I walk to the porch, dialing Carrick's number as I do.
When I put the phone to my ear after hitting to call him, I raise an eyebrow
when I hear part of First Class playing not far from where I am standing.
Turning I look towards the door seeing Carrick standing there. I hadn't
expected him to be here not after yesterday.
"Your mom asked me to stay for dinner after I brought by the thing Kate wanted
me too," Carrick shrugs as he looks away from me. "I can never turn your mom's
cooking down."
I laugh moving the phone away from my ear, "I was just calling to see if we
could meet somewhere," I tell him as I stop the call, putting my phone back in
my pocket. "I wanted to apologize for what you saw yesterday. It was stupid of
me. I made a mistake like I always do."
Carrick looks at me before he steps out onto the porch, "I'm sorry," he
whispers pulling me into a hug.
Hugging him back I break down in tears. Maybe I could try to love Carrick
again. Maybe I could do what Taylor says and live, let myself be with Carrick.
"Where is Piper?" I ask remembering his girlfriend from the hotel.
"She left me," Carrick mutters as he pulls away. "She seems to think I still
love you."
Feeling him wipe my tears away I close my eyes at his touch, "Do you still love
me?" I ask him wanting to know if Piper and Taylor are both right.
When he doesn't answer me right away I open my eyes, raising an eyebrow. I want
an answer from him but I think his silence is answer enough. He does still love
me.
"I do," Carrick finally confirms his face falling. "I still love you Avery."
Swallowing hard I run a hand through my hair. I know what I am going to do now.
What I have to do. "After Zac's memorial service will you help me get Junia
back? W..we can raise her together and try to..try to be a couple again," I
smile. Maybe I can fake it til I make it with him. At least I hope I can.
Seeing the grin on Carrick's face I know he won't object which makes me happy.
"Of course I will Avie," he nods before pulling me into another hug.
I hug him back as I close my eyes again. He'll never have to know that right
now I don't love him. That I'm just settling for him. I mean he is good enough
for me and I have seen him with Junia so I know he would love her as much as he
loves me. Carrick is the right man to help me try to move on. It should have
been him in the shower and not Taylor. It should have been him on the couch
that I wanted to take me, not Taylor.
***** December 18,2010 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "I am good," I nod forcing a smile before holding Junia
     closer to me.
The Broken One Chapter Twenty-Five
Sitting in the hospital bed I smile as I watch Junia sleep. She looks so
content and happy. I reckon I would be happy too if I was only three days old
and having everyone doting on me as well.
Seeing Junia slowly move in her sleep, her eyes opening I reach into the
bassinet she is in, taking her out. "Hey baby girl," I say softly as I kiss her
forehead, inhaling her newborn scent. "Did you enjoy your nap?" I ask when she
cooes up at me.
"Oh you did?" I smile as I talk to her like she understands me. "I am glad you
did. Mommy liked watching you sleep. I'm sure if daddy were here he would have
too," I say as I think of Zac. He is off at some Christmas show they are doing.
I kind of wish he were here with me but I know band stuff comes first, it
always has.
Hearing the door open I look up, making a face when I see Kate come in the
room. I was expecting it to be Jessica. She was the one who was supposed to be
picking Junia and I up and taking us home.
"Avery," Kate starts a smirk playing on her face. "How are you feeling after
giving birth to that precious little girl?" she asks when she makes it to where
I am. Her hand slowly reaches out to ruffle what little hair Junia has on her
head.
I chew on my lip wondering just what she is up too. "I am good," I nod forcing
a smile before holding Junia closer to me. "Still in a bit of pain but the
doctors say that is normal for someone who has given birth naturally."
Kate smirks more, "I'm sorry to hear about the pain," she tells me her voice
thick with some sort of new tone I have never heard her use before. "But to be
honest I'm not here because of you. I'm here to tell you I have contacted Child
Protective Services," she says as she produces a paper from her purse, handing
it to me.
Before taking the paper I put Junia in her bassinet again. Once I know she is
snug in there I then take the paper from Kate. Unfolding it I look it over,
swallowing a lump in my throat. It's a written statement from her. She has told
them everything about Zac and I.
"You really did it," I whisper unable to believe she has really followed
through with one of her threats. "You turned us in."
Junia lets out a cry before Kate can answer me. Instead of answering me, she
picks Junia up, rocking her in her arms.
"I did turn you guys in," Kate nods as she looks up at me. "I told you I would
if you decided not to do what I wanted and leave Zac once this beautiful baby
girl was born," she smiles before looking down at Junia again. "I will go back
on what I said in that on one condition Avery," she says as she keeps her eyes
on Junia.
Swallowing hard I am sure I know what that condition is but I want to ask
anyway. "What?" I ask my voice cracking when I feel tears wanting to come out.
Kate still keeps her eyes on Junia, "Leave," she says her voice so calm and
clear. "Leave Tulsa behind. Let me raise Junia with Zac," she smiles one last
time down at my daughter who she has calmed down. "Never speak a word of her
being yours."
Closing my eyes I run a hand through my hair, "No," I spit out not wanting to
give my daughter up. I'm already so attached to that baby in Kate's arms. "I'm
not doing it."
"Then have it your way," Kate sighs before putting Junia down. "You do know
this will ruin the band right. Their image will never be the same once the fans
know that you and Zac were in a relationship," she hisses before turning on her
heels and leaving the room.
Not even five minutes after Kate leaves the room, Natalie walks in slamming the
door behind her which makes Junia cry again.
Frowning I reach over, picking my daughter up, "What are you doing here?" I ask
figuring Kate has sent her to do her dirty work. Natalie has always done Kate's
dirty work no matter how wrong she thinks it is. It's like she feels some sort
of weird loyalty to her best friend.
"I'm here to tell you I think you are a selfish bitch," she snaps as she shakes
her head. "Refusing Kate's offer like that. You do realize when the band ends
all of them will blame you. Even Zac will blame you because he will know you
had a chance to save them from being ruined and you didn't. You decided to be
selfish."
Feeling tears in my eyes again I shake my head trying to shush Junia who is
still crying. "I'm not being selfish," I whisper knowing that she has a point.
Zac will be upset if the band gets ruined. He will be upset if he knows it's
because of me.
Natalie laughs before sighing loudly, "That is bullshit Avery. You are being
selfish. You had a good fucking deal and you ruined it. You are a mother, I
think it's time you start acting like one instead of the impulsive child you
are," she snaps before turning and walking towards the door.
Chewing on my lip I frown, "Wait," I tell her, watching her stop after I tell
her to wait. "I..is Kate serious?" I ask raising my eyebrow. "She really turned
us in and she'll admit to lying if I leave."
Natalie turns to face me, her expression blank, "You saw the paper she had
Avery. I'd say she really turned you guys in. As for her admitting to lying to
her claims if you leave, you know she keeps her word," Natalie smiles as she
walks closer to me.
Chewing my lip harder I look away from her and down at Junia who has stopped
crying. "I'm sorry baby girl," I tell her as I look in her eyes. "Mommy has to
leave you but I know daddy will take good care of you. So will Kate even if she
hates me she loves babies," I mutter as I feel my heartbreaking. "Mommy is
gonna give you to Aunt Natalie now. You have to promise to be a good girl and
not cry. Look after your daddy for me."
Once I finish talking to Junia I look at Natalie seeing her standing beside my
bed. Handing Junia over to her I stand up once she has her. "Take care of her,"
I whisper wiping away my tears. Turning away from Natalie I walk out of the
room. I don't look back because I know if I do I will change my mind. I will
change my mind and ruin everyone's lives, including Zac's.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Awhile later I am at the apartment packing my things. I had called a cab to
bring me back after I left the hospital. I'm sure by now everyone knows why I
have left. Why I wasn't there Jessica came by. I'm almost expecting a call from
Zac though I'm not sure what I will say when he does call.
At that thought my phone rings. Seeing it laying on the bed, I sigh and pick it
up, looking at Zac's name on the i.d. Taking a deep a breath I hit to talk to
him, almost regretting it.
"Hello?" I ask into the receiver waiting on his words. Waiting on him trying to
change my already set mind. I am not going to back down for fear of Kate, of
what she will do to us if I don't leave. I want her to just recant everything.
She will if I leave.
"Avery," Zac's voice comes across the phone. He sounds so sad that it makes me
frown. "Jessie, she told me you left. That Natalie said you wanted Kate to
raise Junia with me," he croaks out which makes me frown more. Fuck he is
crying.
I nod even though he can't see me right now. "I did," I confirm wondering if he
has been told why. I kind of hope he has. I hope Kate has confessed to what she
did.
Zac sighs and I hear him sob a few times. "Why?" he asks so perplexed. He
almost sounds stunned that I would be considering this. Like he has no idea,
which leads me to believe Kate hasn't told him a thing.
Swallowing a lump I sit down on the bed, "Because Kate turned us in Zac. She
actually did it and the only way she would take back what she said is if I
leave. I can't ruin the band. I can't be responsible for that. I am a mother
now and it's time I stop thinking about me. Stop putting my needs before
everyone else's."
"Avie if you stay with me you aren't doing that," Zac tries to reason. "It'd be
putting your family first. Your daughter."
"I am putting my daughter first," I tell him as I wipe away a few tears that
have fallen down my cheeks. "I am letting her have a life where she doesn't
have to know about incest. Where she doesn't have to know her mom ruined her
father's image because she was being selfish."
"Avie please," Zac pleads but I just hang up on him. My mind's made up and no
one can stop me. I am leaving him and doing what is best.
Standing from the bed, I turn my phone off before going to my suitcase.
Finishing up packing I slowly take off the engagement ring Zac gave me a few
months back, laying it on the nightstand. With one last sad look around the
room I pick up the suitcase and leave the room.
Going outside of the apartment I walk to my car where I open the trunk,
sticking the suitcase in there. When it's secure I shut the trunk and get in.
Fighting off more tears I start my car, driving away from the apartment,
driving away from the life I thought I would have with Zac and Junia. I know
one day that Zac will understand why I did this. He will understand and be
okay. Hell maybe when Junia is eighteen we can even try again if he can come to
forgive me for this.
"Goodbye Tulsa," I whisper as I drive out of Tulsa. "Goodbye my baby girl.
Goodbye Zac."
***** Chapter 26 *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "I know because I love you too," he whispers before pulling
     away.
The Broken One Chapter Twenty-Six
Two months have now passed since Zac's death. Two long agonizing months. It's
October and it's also his birthday. Looking at Carrick I smile as he holds
Zac's urn in his hands. Somehow I don't know how but he convinced Kate to give
our parents his ashes. I am guessing it's also the same way he convinced her to
let me have my daughter back.
The day after Zac's memorial I had been pleasantly surprised to see Kate on the
doorstep, Junia on her hip. She had explained that she thought it was best
Junia be with her real mom. That she had tried her best to tell Junia the truth
about me being her mom. She also said she'd like for me not to move too far
away if I did leave Oklahoma. She still wanted Junia and Shepherd to be close
because all they knew was each other for the past two and a half years.
I never had to ask Carrick but I knew. I knew deep down he had convinced her.
He had been talking to her throughout the reception after the memorial. I am
kind of glad he has such a way with people. That he did this for me. Got my
daughter back, got Zac's ashes so that we could spread them ourselves.
"You ready Avery?" Carrick asks me as he opens the urn. I nod my head, watching
as he takes some of the ashes in his hand dropping them on the ground where our
old tree house used to stand. It's gone now but I know Zac would want to be
here. It's where he was always the happiest as a child.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Avery," Zac's voice sounds beside me. I turn my head to look at him. A smile
forming on my lips. I'm only seven years old now and the fact that my older
brother is actually showing me attention instead of being so wrapped in his
video games is surprising.
"Yeah, Zac?" I ask wondering what he wants from me. The last time he actually
showed me attention it was so Taylor could go and behead all my Barbie’s.
Zac chews his lip running a hand through his long hair. "C..can you come
outside and play in the tree house with me?" he asks as he sits down on the
couch next to me.
I look at him cautiously wanting to know why Taylor can't do that or Isaac
even. Why is he asking me?
"What about Isaac and Taylor? Can't they play with you in the tree house?" I
ask before sighing and looking away. I just really don't want to go off with
him to only come back and find my Barbie dolls beheaded again.
Zac frowns when I mention our older brother's. "Isaac and Taylor both had dates
tonight," he mocks before scrunching up his face. They never seem to have time
for me anymore."
Frowning as well I stand from the couch, "Fine I will go outside and play with
you but if I come in to see my Barbie’s with no heads I am telling Mom."
"You won't have too," Zac grins as he stands from the couch. "First one outside
is a rotten egg," he yells before taking off towards our sliding glass doors.
Opening it he runs outside, leaving me the dust. I don't think I have seen
anyone so happy to get to go outside and play.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Coming out of my thoughts I look at Carrick again seeing he is almost done
scattering the ashes in his hand. Reaching into the urn with my free hand I
take some of the ashes and walk closer to the back door. Getting to the right
spot I bend down slowly letting Zac's ashes go, a tear going down my cheek as I
watch them blow off in the wind.
I can't help but think he is free now. He is free to be wherever he wants to
be. Free to go anywhere. No one will hurt him again. Not Kate, Not me, Not
Taylor.
"Mommy," Junia speaks making me look at her. It's still so weird when I hear
her call me mommy, a habit she has started just two weeks ago. "Don't cry," she
frowns before wiping away a few of my tears.
I smile kissing her cheek, "I will try not to cry," I tell her as I stand up,
walking back to where Carrick is.
He takes a few more of Zac's ashes out, walking to another spot in the yard,
letting them fly free. We each alternate with the ashes after that until there
is just enough left for a tiny bottle.
"I wanna keep the rest," I tell Carrick. "For Junebug to have a part of her
daddy with her forever."
Carrick nods, shutting the urn. "You ready to go back to your parents house? I
think we have a few more hours until we have to leave. I think your mom said
she was making meatloaf."
At the thought of meatloaf I feel my stomach turn, "I think I am going to skip
on dinner," I sigh following him back to his car. "The thought of meatloaf or
any food is making my stomach turn right now."
"You need to eat though Avery," Carrick lectures me as he opens the backseat of
his car, moving out of the way so I can put Junia in her booster seat. "It's
what's best."
I smile and peck his lips after I get Junia in. "I know what's best babe." I
tell him. "I have done this before you know," I laugh as I walk to the
passenger side of the car. "I know how to take care of myself."
Carrick grins but stays silent on the drive to my parents house. When we get
there he pulls in behind a familiar looking SUV. I'm sure it's Natalie and
Taylor's new car they got a week ago.
Chewing on my lip I freeze in my seat not sure if I can breathe. I haven't seen
Taylor since Zac's memorial service and before that it was at the cabin the
second time we had sex. I'm not sure if I'm ready to face him. Not right now.
"You okay?" Carrick asks me as he unbuckles his seatbelt. "If you want we can
just go get fast food so you don't have to see him."
I shake my head no, "I'm fine Care," I smile before unbuckling as well. "Just
give me a few minutes out here by myself okay."
Carrick nods before getting out and then also getting Junia out carrying her
inside the house where I am sure she will run off and play with Taylor and
Natalie's children.
Taking a few deep breaths I place a hand on my stomach feeling a tiny pain
there. I chalk it up to nerves but I also know it could be other things.
Closing my eyes I take a few deep breaths again hoping to calm myself down. The
last thing I need is to be upset. It isn't good for me.
Hearing a knock on the window I open my eyes turning to see his damn blue eyes
staring at me. When he motions for me to get out I nervously do just that,
crossing my arms as I look at him. I refuse to speak first, not after the way
he acted at the cabin towards me or the way he blew me off afterwards since
then.
"You and Carrick are moving to Oklahoma City?" Taylor asks as he locks eyes
with me. I want to ask him how he heard but then I just figure mom probably
told him about our purchase of a four bedroom house there. Oklahoma City is
only an hour away from Tulsa so I know it's still close enough for Junia to be
able to see Shepherd.
I nod, confirming his question, "Yeah," I finally speak my voice almost
wavering. "Carrick and I bought a house there a week ago. It's big enough for
all of us and I figure it's close enough that I can still bring Junia back here
to see Shepherd whenever she wants too. It's closer than New York anyway."
Taylor sighs running a hand through his blonde locks. It looks like he has dyed
it again or at the very least got highlights. I wish he'd leave his hair alone
sometimes. "I figured you'd stay around Tulsa. At least for awhile so Junia
could adjust."
"Junia is adjusting just fine," I reply as a hand falls to rest on my stomach.
"She is adjusting better than I thought she would. She is strong like Zac was
which is good because I wouldn't want her to be broken like me."
Taylor shakes his head, "You aren't broken Avie," he frowns as he reaches out a
hand resting on my cheek. His touch makes me shiver and ignites something in my
bones. "I always wondered why and how Zac could love you," he sighs his voice
getting soft towards the end. "Now I know how and why."
At his words I raise an eyebrow feeling cold as his hand moves off my cheek.
"Y..you know?" I ask not able to even speak at first. How can I speak after
what he just said? Is he saying he loves me? It seems to me like that is what
he is saying.
Taylor smiles before he leans in to kiss my forehead, "I know because I love
you too," he whispers before pulling away. "But unlike Zac I love my family too
much to leave them," he sighs as he chews his lip. "I'm sure Carrick is the
better choice anyway. He's the one Zac would want you with and he's the one who
will be a better dad to Junia and any future kids you decide to have."
Standing there in silence I nod knowing he is right. Carrick is the better
choice but that doesn't mean I want Carrick. Yes, I like Carrick but I'm not in
love with him yet. Though to be honest I'm not in love with Taylor either. But
I know deep down that Carrick is the best choice, especially with our current
situation.
"I should go in again before Natalie gets worried," Taylor tells me, walking
off before I can reply back.
Watching him leave I take a deep breath not even sure if I am awake or dreaming
this. God I really hope I am dreaming this right now. Shaking my head I turn to
head inside as well.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Smiling as I stand in mine and Carrick's house I finish putting away a few of
things while Carrick is upstairs getting Junia to bed. She was having trouble
sleeping in her new bed and the only way she even agreed to sleep with a night
light on was if Carrick slept beside her in the bed.
Humming along to one of the songs on the mix cd that Zac had left behind for me
I pull on the necklace that now has the engagement ring he had given me. The
mix cd and the engagement ring on a necklace were the things he had refereed to
in his letter to me.
When the last song on the cd ends I just turn off the radio, sitting down on
the couch, putting my feet on the coffee table. I'm about to close my eyes when
I hear a guitar from somewhere and I turn my head to see Carrick coming down
the stairs.
Hearing the song he is playing I smile. It's a song he has been playing now for
the past few weeks in the hotel before we go to sleep.
When he sits on the couch beside me I watch as he stops playing only briefly to
pully my shirt up, then he starts playing again, "Hey you, you're a child in my
head, you haven't walked yet, your first words have yet to be said. But I swear
you'll be blessed."
Putting a hand on my stomach as he continues to sing I shake my head. I know he
is singing to the baby in there. The baby that I am now ten weeks pregnant
with.
"You don't have to sing to the baby every night you know," I tell him when he
finishes the song.
Carrick shrugs as he takes the guitar strap off, laying it on the floor. "I
know but I want too. I want our son to know my voice."
When he says our son I force a smile. I have too because I know I am lucky he
agreed to be with me and be the father of my baby..my babies. "What makes you
think it's a boy?" I ask curiously. "I am kind of hoping it's a girl."
"Call it father's intuition," he smiles before leaning in to kiss me on the
lips. "I love you and our baby," he mutters on my lips.
Kissing him back I just moan into the kiss. Maybe I can come to love him. I
know I owe it to him for what he is doing for me and my babies. Junia and this
unborn baby will be lucky to have him. I know I am which is why I really can't
take him for granted.
***** Epilogue *****
Chapter Summary
     Excerpt: "You were supposed to be asleep," I smile as I watch him
     stand from the chair, moving to the bed and sitting down beside me.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
The Broken One Epilogue
Laying in the hospital bed I smile down as I hold my newborn daughter in my
arms. She is so beautiful, so beautiful and tiny. She is much tinier than Junia
ever was at birth.
"You are so precious my little Brennan Taylor Gerety," I smile as I use her
full name. Brennan had been Carrick's choice while mine had been Taylor. I'm
sure Carrick hadn't been happy with it but I felt like it suited her the moment
I saw her.
"She is very precious," Carrick yawns from the chair beside the bed which makes
me turn my head to look at him.
Moving some I adjust Brennan in my arms, "You were supposed to be asleep," I
smile as I watch him stand from the chair, moving to the bed and sitting down
beside me.
"I was but then I heard you talking to our daughter and I woke up," Carrick
laughs before leaning down and placing a kiss on Brennan's forehead. "You know
I think your mom would love to come back here and see her. Heck I'm sure
everyone out in the waiting room would love to know we finally have our
daughter here. I mean it's been two hours since she was born. We have had
enough time bonding with her."
I sigh knowing he has a point, "What if Taylor wants to come back here?" I ask
as I chew on my lip. I am afraid that Taylor will take one look at Brennan and
know she is his. That Carrick is not the dad of this little girl.
Carrick kisses my cheek softly, "Then he will come back here. It's not like he
will be able to tell Avery. Brennan looks like every newborn. Anyway he has no
idea he should even be questioning her paternity. We did get together as soon
as you guys got back. It's not like he knows we didn't have sex until after you
knew you were pregnant."
I nod swallowing a lump in my throat. Carrick has a point, he always has a
point. "Then go tell them about our daughter," I smile when I turn to look at
him. "Tell them about Bree," I say using a nickname on her already.
When Carrick stands and leaves, I turn my attention back to Brennan who opens
her eyes, looking around the room. I do feel somewhat guilty for lying and not
being honest about her father but I have been down this road with Zac, I can't
go down it again. Anyway just seven months ago he had told me he loved his
family too much to ever leave them. If Natalie knew about Brennan really being
Taylor's she'd flip and leave him, I mean she was after all part of the reason
why I left Junia behind three years ago.
"Mommy did the right thing," I tell Brennan when she looks at me. "Mommy gave
you a daddy who will love you and be there for you no matter," I nod knowing
Carrick will. He loves her already and he is head over heels for Junia who
seems to enjoy having him wrapped around her tiny finger.
Smiling I look up at the ceiling, "I just wish you were here Zac," I say as I
close my eyes. I do wish Zac were here even if things would be different. "Say
a few good words for me up there. Keep my secret safe," I whisper before
opening my eyes and laying back on the bed.
Not long after I lay back I watch as Carrick comes back with my mom who as it
seems insisted to be the first one back so she could see the new grand-baby
first. I just laugh as I watch my mom with her. Feeling sleepy I close my eyes
and drift off. I know things still aren't okay but if they can stay this
perfect than I am good.
Chapter End Notes
     Authors Note: So this story was kind of a therapy for me in ways. I
     started writing it after I had a friend, a man who I once loved
     commit suicide. Thus Avery loses Zac who she once loved to suicide.
     A few of things in here relate to my real life and my relationship
     with him minus of course the incest and being pregnant with his baby.
     But it really was a soothing and healing process and I'm glad I did
     this story in the end and I was really shocked by how many people
     read it when I originally posted it on livejournal.
***** Soundtrack *****
                       Part One: Zac's Mixtape to Avery
   1. Stay-Shaun Reynolds and Laura Pringle
   2. Crash Into Me-Boyce Avenue
   3. Stubborn Love-The Lumineers
   4. Iris-Goo Goo Dolls
   5. Shameless-Garth Brooks
   6. Don't Speak-No Doubt
   7. The One That Got Away-Katy Perry
   8. She Will Be Loved-Tiffany Alvord feat. Boyce Avenue
   9. Clarity-Sam Tsui
  10. Red-Tyler Ward
  11. Love's To Blame- for King&Country
  12. Someone Like You-Boyce Avenue
  13. Desperado-The Eagles
  14. Juliet-Hanson
                          Part Two: Avery's Feelings
   1. You Picked Me-A Fine Frenzy
   2. Dancing Queen-ABBA
   3. Real Real Sweet-Meiko
   4. White Horse-Taylor Swift
   5. Got A Hold On Me-Hanson
   6. Unfaithful-Rihanna
   7. Til I Hear It From You-Gin Blossoms
   8. On The Rocks-Zac Hanson
   9. Can't Help Falling In Love-Ingrid Michaelson
  10. Desire-Ryan Adams
  11. River-Glee Cast
  12. Don't Worry Baby-The Beach Boys
  13. Sweet Child O Mine-Guns N Roses
  14. First Class-Everybody Else
  15. Juliet-Hanson
  16. Father Figure-George Michael
  17. Blessed-Elton John
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