Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/3675846.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Phandom/The_Fantastic_Foursome_(YouTube_RPF)
  Relationship:
      Dan_Howell/Phil_Lester
  Character:
      Dan_Howell, Phil_Lester
  Additional Tags:
      Angst, Smut, Fluff, First_Time, Teacher-Student_Relationship, Alternate
      Universe_-_Student/Teacher, Songfic, Self-Harm, Child_Abuse, Abuse
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-04-03 Words: 3000
****** The Bird and The Worm ******
by kawaiikanai
Summary
     Dan has confided his hard home life to his school counselor, Phil.
     When Dan comes to him one afternoon, starved for affection, will Phil
     risk his career in order to help his favorite student?
     Song: The Bird and The Worm - The Used
As I throw the rest of my papers into my briefcase, I hear a knock on the door.
I look at the small shadow cast on the pane of frosted glass and can tell it’s
a student, head only just appearing at the bottom of it. “If you didn’t hear
the bell a moment ago, school is over.” I call, clicking my briefcase shut and
reaching for my jacket, “You’ll have to come back during school hours
tomorrow.”
There’s a pause, then a lighter knock, more timid. “Mr. Lester?”
I recognize the voice and drop my things into my chair to go open the door. Dan
Howell stands there looking up at me, eyes red and hands fumbling with each
other. He looks frantic, hair left unkempt in its natural waves instead of its
usual straightened fashion. “Dan? I thought you weren’t in school today?” He
missed our scheduled meeting earlier today which prompted me to check the
attendance list which told me he’d in fact stayed home.
“I couldn’t go to school today. I just couldn’t.” His voice is shaky as I let
him step into my office, closing the door behind me. “I had to see you,
though.”
I’ve been seeing Dan since almost the beginning of the school year, 6 months
ago. I’d caught some troublemakers beating him up and broke up the fight;
reporting them to the headmaster before dragging Dan to the nurses office to
patch up a busted lip. While he sat there unable to leave, I took the
opportunity to talk to him. I’d never noticed him around school before, so knew
nothing about him.
I found out that him being beat up wasn’t out of the ordinary. His harassment
happened almost every day in some form; whether it be physical or emotional. I
told him to stop by my office the next day to talk about it, but he brushed it
off, saying I couldn’t help him before grabbing his raggedy backpack and
heading home.
The next day, however, he showed up; putting on a front like he didn’t want to
be there but he clearly wasn’t forced to come. After only a few minutes of
digging, he broke down, and I learned that his bullies weren’t his only
problems.
His parents aren’t the most supportive of him, too busy arguing with each other
to care about anything he does. On good days they would argue about little
things like bills or throwing insults at each other. On bad days Dan would come
into my office crying about not being worth the air he breathes, according to
his parents. I’ve told him multiple times that I can report his parents to CPS,
but he refuses to let me; saying if his parents found out he told someone it’ll
make things worse.
All I can legally do is hear him out. He sits across the desk from me almost
every day; talking about anything and everything he wants to. Most of the time
it’s him venting his stress about his parents, bullies, and the usual school
work. There are some days, though, when I actually get to catch a glimpse at
the boy that lives under all the anxiety and depression.
He tells me of his dreams, his passion for making silly videos and playing
piano, which he is incredibly good at from videos of himself he’s been able to
show me. His brilliance shines through his usual dark cloud and I wonder how
anyone could shun him.
He walks to his chair but doesn’t sit, instead pacing behind it, still ringing
his hands. “What happened, Dan? Did your parents have another fight? Are you
ok?” They had been arguing a bit more than usual lately, but thankfully none of
it involving him.
“They’ve been talking about divorce.” He explains, sniffing and hugging himself
so he’d stop rubbing his hands raw, “They were fighting about who would take
me.”
I gesture for him to take a seat but he shakes his head vigorously and I let
out a sigh, honestly hating seeing him like this. He’s the brightest student,
hell, brightest person I know. He doesn’t deserve all the crap he goes through.
“I understand this is hard for you to deal with, but once your parents are
divorced they won’t be able to fight anymore. Things will get better.”
“You don’t understand!” he shouts, the first time he’s shown any kind of
insubordination towards me. He holds his head, fingers tangling into his
chestnut hair and eyes wild. I’ve seen him like this only one time before.
“They weren’t fighting to claim me; they were arguing on who to dump me on. I’m
just some unwanted responsibility to them. A burden!”
He lets a few tears spill out and they drop from his chin to the carpet. This
is the worst state he’s been in in a long time and I feel the need to hold him
but don’t dare. I’ve held my control over any kind of feelings for him for the
simple fact that it’s wrong. Illegal, really, on many levels. I could get fired
or so much worse if I ever made a move on him.
I walk closer to him and allow myself to touch his shoulder; the best I can do.
“Dan. Did you slip again?”
He swallows a hiccup, not looking up at me. That’s all the answer I need. I
bite my lip, eyes darting to his arm. “Can I see?”
He nods and slowly slips his hoodie over his head, setting it on my desk. He
hesitates before rolling up the sleeve of his t-shirt, revealing red lines on
the under part of his arm. They were fresh, maybe a few hours old, and I
immediately understand why he didn’t want to come to school today.
When he cut was the only time he’d skip school, too emotionally and physically
exhausted to bother. It took a few months into our sessions for him to tell me
about his painful habits, either cutting or when he was away from home he’d
have a rubber band around his wrist that he’d snap himself with. I made him
promise me he would at least stop cutting, but I knew he needed some kind of
release for his anxiety, turning a blind eye to his snapping except for when I
was around him.
I find my hand touching his arm, thumb gently grazing the edge of the bottom
most cut and he gasps. I pull back, apologizing but he dismisses it. “You
should have called me when you felt the urge, Dan. I gave you my number after
you promised me.”
“I know, I- It just happened so fast, I didn’t even realize what I was doing
until I saw the red in the sink.” His voice cracks, ashamed to admit what he
did, “As soon as it stopped I came here. I broke my promise; I’m so sorry.” He
starts rocking from foot to foot.
“Look, I-“
“Please don’t be disappointed in me.” He grabs my shirt and I jump back,
bumping my hip on the chair behind me, “Don’t be mad at me, please!”
“Dan, I’m not mad.” I assure him, grabbing his hands to pry off my shirt but he
holds fast, “I just wish you hadn’t.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Lester. I just… My brain wouldn’t shut up again.” Whenever he
cut he said he was terrified of himself, of his own brain. He felt helpless to
his own mind telling him to do these things to himself even though he knew it
was bad.
“Dan,” I squeeze his hands, leaning down to be eye level with him. His eyes, so
lost and glistening with tears, stare back, pleading me to not push him away
like everyone else has. “I know you didn’t mean to or wanted to. I’m not
disappointed in you and I’m still here for you.”
His bottom lip quivers, trying to say something but voice betraying him.
Instead, he pulls me forward, smashing my mouth to his. I taste cherry candy,
snatched from the reception desk on his way to my office, and my tongue licks
at it, lost in the flavor.
It takes a moment to pull myself away, grabbing his shoulders and holding him
at arm’s length. “Dan, we can’t.”
“Please, Mr. Lester,” his eyes wide, desperate, “I just want to be loved!”
He pushes towards me again but I keep him at bay with every fiber of my being,
“Dan, you’re just confused.” I refuse him, wanting him to stop tempting me,
“You don’t really like me; you’re just grateful for my kindness.”
“No, I’m not confused. I may not be good at controlling my feelings, but at
least I know what they are.” He lets go of my shirt to grip his own, “Every
time I see you my heart leaps into my throat. It’s not confusion or even just a
teacher crush. It’s real.”
I let go of his shoulders, making more space between us. “It’s illegal. I’ll
lose my job.” I look over the certifications on my wall, trying to convince
myself that the pieces of parchment mean more to me than him.
“No one will know.” Dan tempts, taking a step towards me but I deflect, heading
past him and towards the door to show him out. I can’t do this. My entire
career would be on the line if I let this continue.
I reach for the doorknob but his hand grabs my wrist, stopping me. I look at
him, trying to put on a stern face but know I’m failing miserably. “Mr. Lester,
I will walk out of this office right now if you can honestly say to me that you
don’t have any feelings for me.”
This boy in front of me was so fragile when we first met, mask upon mask to
keep people from seeing his weaknesses and fears. I’ve torn away those masks
one by one, revealing the brokenness underneath and accepted it all because
through the cracks I see a boy so beautiful it’s blinding. Blinding me from my
work; my morals. He stands here now demanding honesty from me when he’s given
me nothing but.
Against my better judgment, I reach for the door again; this time to turn the
lock. His eyes visibly brighten and I give him a sigh, deserting my role as
only his counselor. He lets go of my wrist to wrap his arms around my neck,
leaning up on his tip toes to kiss me again. This time, I don’t hold back. My
arms pull at his waist, pressing him to me and making him hum against my mouth.
I guide him over to my desk and lift him up onto it, lips not losing contact.
He wraps his legs around my hips, pressing against me and I can feel his
already hard cock through his jeans. He can feel my growing erection as well,
rubbing against me and whimpering. He breaks our kiss, looking over me, “I knew
it. I knew I could trust only you.” He smiles, dimples showing for the first
time and my heart skips a beat. I move to his neck, sucking lightly and he lets
out a moan, a bit too loudly.
“Dan, we have to keep it down.” I remind him, seeming to have forgot we’re
still in the middle of the school.
“S-sorry, Mr. Lester.” He breathes, “But that’s one of my weak spots.”
“It’s alright,” I assure, my hand exploring up his shirt, “and it’s Phil now.”
“Phil.” He tries the word. My fingers graze over his nipples and he whimpers
again, hanging on to me and bucking his hips. I pinch and tease, his moans
muffled into my chest. He lifts his head to kiss at my jawline, lips gentle and
loving. This is worth the risk of being found out.
He leans back, lying down on my desk. His trembling hands go to his buckle,
unclasping it and undoing his button and zipper. I gingerly help him out of
them and his underwear, leaving him splayed out haphazardly on top of documents
and notes in only his shirt. The sight of him makes me wonder why I waited so
long to give in.
“Can I assume you’ve never done this before?” I ask, fingers tracing down the
inside of his thigh, noticing a few more red lines and sighing.
He nods, looking away shyly. I come down to kiss at the scars, making my way
down to his erection, now flat against his stomach. He groans, scratching at my
desk top. I take him in hand, lazily flicking my wrist and thumb pressing down
on his slit, just that little motion making him jerk at the air. I push his
legs up towards his chest and telling him to hold them. He does so, giving me
the perfect view of his ass.
My tongue licks over his entrance, earning a yelp. I do it again, slower, and
he lets go of a leg to slap his hand over his mouth, muffling a cry. I help
hold his leg out of the way as I continue, now prodding my tongue in. After a
few minutes of mumbled curses followed by name from Dan, I replace my tongue
with my finger, pressing deep.
I stand up straight and start to unbuckle my own belt one handed. He looks up
at me, eyes much too lustful for his age, sending shivers down my spine. I add
another finger as I get my pants unzipped, finally freeing my cock and pumping
it a bit. His eyes go wide and I feel him clench around my fingers. I begin to
worry if I may be too much for him, especially for his first time. “If you
don’t think you can handle it-“
“No, I can.” He interrupts, eagerness apparent.
I pull my fingers out and line myself up, making sure he’s at the very edge of
my desk. I brace my hand by his side for support as I press in, his ass much
too tight for me. His eyes shut tight, mouth agape in a silent scream. I grab
his hand, fingers intertwining and he squeezes with all his might.
I only get about halfway in and he begins to squirm, tears pricking the corners
of his eyes.
“Dan, let’s stop.” I say, starting to pull out, “I don’t want to hurt you.”
He pries his hand out of mine, red finger traces on the back of my hand, and
grabs at my hip. “It’s fine, Phil.” He says, eyes needy, “I like pain,
remember?”
“Well, I can’t have you being loud, either.”
He leans up on an elbow, reaching towards my neck and tugging on my tie. “Use
this.” I quickly loosen my tie, pulling it over my head and undoing a few
buttons while I’m at it. I wad it up and hold it up to his mouth. He opens wide
and I gag him with it, the silk material darkening with saliva.
I grab his other hand now, pinning them both near his head. He nods and I press
in again, ignoring his whimpers and muffled groans as I finally go as deep as I
can. I hold for a moment, taking a second to lick his nipple, making him squirm
more. He uses what little leverage he can to rock into me, wanting me to move.
I pull out then thrust back in, the slow motion making him arch up and moan. I
do it again and again, the perfect form of him around me feeling amazing.
I know I shouldn’t be doing this with him; but I can’t help it. The more time I
spent with him the more I found myself slipping in my own way; my thoughts
finding him even when he wasn’t in the room. I told myself it was stupid,
myself developing some sort of hero complex and just loving my power over him.
I know now that I was just lying to myself to protect him. And from what? From
him finally getting some affection? From my showing him that at least one
person in his life cared about him? I curse myself for letting my career pride
and social acceptance to get in the way of his happiness.
He moans into every thrust, eyes rolling back and toes curling. I let go of his
hands to dig my fingers into his hips, ramming him into me. I can tell he’s
close already, his breathing unsteady and ragged and I can feel my climax
coming as well. He screams into my tie, is cum spilling out over his stomach
and I soon follow, riding out my orgasm along with him. I pull the tie out of
his mouth, tossing it onto my desk and letting him breathe better. He sits up
and I let out a small laugh, reaching to peel off a paper stuck to his back
from sweat. He laughs as well, the first of it I’ve heard, and find it to be
one of the best sounds ever.
I slowly pull out, being extra careful and stopping whenever he winces. I rest
my forehead to his, looking down at him. “Better now?”
“Yes, Phil.”
I smile, putting on the best sarcastically serious face I can. “That’s Mr.
Lester, to you.”
I help him get dressed again and make sure to fix ourselves up, not wanting to
look suspicious. I throw my now dirty tie into my briefcase and pull on my
jacket as Dan pulls his hoodie over his head. I head for the door then pause,
leaning down to share one more gentle yet passionate kiss with him. I
straighten back up, unlocking my door. “Now, I expect you not to miss our
appointment tomorrow like you did today.”
He smiles, dimples appearing again. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
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