Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/7738840.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Dragon_Age_II, Dragon_Age_(Video_Games), Dragon_Age_-_All_Media_Types
  Relationship:
      Gamlen_Amell/Male_Hawke
  Character:
      Gamlen_Amell, Male_Hawke
  Additional Tags:
      Underage_Rape/Non-con, Incest, Child_Abuse, Voyeurism, Humiliation,
      Gunplay, Hurt/Comfort, but_only_at_the_very_end_-_Freeform, Mild
      Transphobia, Nonbinary_Character
  Series:
      Part 3 of Dropped_Call
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-08-14 Completed: 2017-06-22 Chapters: 4/4 Words: 9207
****** That Awful Sound ******
by niffin_(ao3afterdark)
Summary
     modern au where the hawkes move to kirkwall much earlier, and
     therefore things go to shit much earlier.
Notes
     my hawke is adopted (and nonbinary), to be clear.
***** Chapter 1 *****
“No!” Words he hadn't known he swallowed spilled out of him. “My father loves -
loved me and they love me and I love them, I'm part of the family, and that
matters more than blood. Because there's no way I have less claim to them than
you when you're a, a, lying, thieving piece of shit!”
Cooper shuddered into silence, staring down at his hands clutching the seat
belt, dread coiling heavy and leaden alongside the anger. It bore down on him
and he fought the instinctive apology clawing up his throat, finally looking up
at Gamlen from the corner of his eyes. His face was calm but for a slight
furrow between his brows, and when he spoke he sounded like he was musing.
“That's how you feel, is it?”
Cooper didn't get a chance to think of an answer. Viper fast, Gamlen slammed
his face down on the dashboard, bright stars in nameless colors exploding over
everything. He stayed slumped there, trying to blink away the persistent hot
haze coating the inside of his eyes, his brain. It took a sudden jolting stop
to begin to shake it, and his mouth worked before Gamlen grabbed his braid -
ah, but Thea's going to be disappointed when she sees it mussed up- and pulled,
hard, yanking Cooper across the wide front seat of the truck. He thought he
might have cried out from the burning in his scalp, the revived pounding in his
head when he hit the asphalt, but he couldn't tell, couldn't think about it
when he was seized by the throat and shoved against a corrugated steel wall
with a clang.
His eyes focused immediately on Gamlen’s, still unnervingly calm. Unyielding,
he thought, and he raised his hands to claw at the hand that seemed to start
just under his jaw and reach into his ribs. Barely dug his nails in before
Gamlen grabbed his wrists, pushed him higher up the wall till his toes barely
brushed the ground. Now he was fighting gravity too, as it squeezed the air out
of him. He kicked. Gamlen avoided him easily, stepped between his legs and
slammed Cooper's wrists against the wall above his head. He felt his mouth open
in what might have been a shout of pain if it hadn't finished hollowing him
out, pain building in places it shouldn't. Spread from the airless vacuum of
his lungs through his muscles, so that he spasmed one last time before that
burst of energy also burned away. Hoped that his murder would put Gamlen behind
bars so he couldn't go near Thea.
Only Gamlen let go. Kept his wrists pinned above his head so that when Cooper
dropped he hung against the wall not quite on his knees, sucking in a breath
that hurt his starved lungs. He coughed, then hacked, tasting faintly of
coppery blood and salt from his involuntary tears, shaking against the cold
wall with the force of them. Couldn't hear the quieter click of a belt being
unbuckled over the pounding in his ears, did nothing when warm leather wrapped
around his wrists. Didn't even register it, until Gamlen slapped him.
He looked up, cheek burning, and wished he hadn't. Gamlen's jeans were unzipped
and there was a bulge through the ratty briefs and Cooper pushed himself flush
against the warming metal wall at his back, hissed soundless fury at him. It
was unreal. This didn't happen, whatever it was, it just. Didn't. It was some
sort of threat, and nothing more, and perhaps it was his inability to fully
conceive of what was going to happen that made him spit out, “You've got shit
for a personality, and I'm not gonna feel sorry for you and how you can't find
anyone wants to be near you -”
Gamlen laughed, an almost startled sound, and Cooper felt the fear surge back
full force. He had hoped for more anger. That was some kind of predictable. He
didn't know what amusement meant. He tried to get his feet under him, pushed
against the pressure on his wrists, but Gamlen pulled them away and dropped him
hard to his knees.
Cooper's breath was coming harsh and heavy with terror. Squeezed his eyes shut
against it and became too aware of the rabbit-fast beating of his heart. It
pounded like the footsteps of an oncoming army and his eyes opened again to
Gamlen tugging lazily on his - Cooper swallowed hard, eyes flicking between the
mute satisfaction on his face and the erect cock. It wasn't like he didn't know
anything about. Sex. Father had told him some. But there was always the
assumption that there would be more time to explain, and. This hadn't been part
of any explanation.
He flattened himself against the wall when Gamlen reached out and grabbed his
chin, not roughly. Tilted his head up to make Cooper meet his eyes and said,
“You're going to blow me now, and you're going to do it quietly and without
making a fuss, or I'll do worse.”
He stared up, Gamlen's cock blocking out much of his face. Blow him? Worse? His
mouth shaped the word what and Gamlen used that to slide the tip past his lips.
Couldn't jerk his head back for the wall there, couldn't move his face away for
the callused fingers stroking along his jaw, and he made an outraged sound
almost like no before the hot cock slipped past his teeth as the hand clenched
on his cheeks, keeping his jaw pried open. He opened it wider on his own so his
mouth wouldn't have to touch it but Gamlen just pushed in further, Cooper's
vision filling with the worn cotton briefs and faded denim, his nose filled
with Gamlen's musky scent. He froze, mind completely occupied with trying to
hyperventilate around the cock, through his nose, until the tip bumped against
the back of his throat and he gagged.
Gamlen growled, “Do not, ” and pulled back just enough to let Cooper try to
swallow the bile. It hardly helped. Reflexive tears were dripping down his
cheeks, stinging where Gamlen's nails were digging into the hinges of Cooper's
jaw, keeping him from biting down and now he was tasting it. His tongue, with
nowhere to go, slicked up Gamlen's cock all unwilling and made the taste of
salt bloom. Gamlen shifted his hips and slid over his tongue, dragged along his
lips and he realized.
Cooper cried out in disgust, horror, and felt it vibrate along the hard, heavy
cock and he needed it out.His thighs tightened and he arched his body, pushed
hard against the hand pinning his wrists to the wall and got an inch off it
before iron fingers closed tight on them. Gamlen's cock had slipped further
into his mouth when he tried to throw him off and with the slam of his wrists
above his head Gamlen shoved past his rebelling gag reflex and into his throat.
The feeling of suffocation came from inside now and Cooper couldn't stand it,
head bursting with pain and buzzing with the asphyxiation and throat filled to
splitting around the girth of the cock. Gamlen's face was blurry through the
tears and he hoped this time the strangling would take, but the face twisted in
disgust and he pulled out, stepped to the side in case Cooper did retch.
He folded nearly in half, bound hands in his lap; saliva mixed with the tears
and snot to make a mess of his face and drip on his knees; he didn't think he
could ever stop tasting Gamlen.
“Pathetic.” He finally let go of Cooper's jaw and it swung closed with an
audible click of teeth. “This is really all you're good for, and you're not
even good at it.”
Cooper's next breath came out a sobbing moan. He mouthed the words at first,
and then in barely more than a whisper let them fall from his lips. “I am glad
not to be related to you -”
Gamlen pressed his foot against Cooper's groin and he nearly sprained his
shoulders arching away from it. It was blinding, all encompassing, and in the
burning aftermath there wasn't a need to force his jaw open anymore. Gamlen’s
foot remained there, refreshing the grinding ache in his crotch every now and
again, persuading Cooper to let his cock stroke in and out of his mouth. He
kept his movements shallow and slow, not entirely eager to risk a real mess.
Cooper almost preferred the pain, so he couldn't hear the wet obscene noises or
the things Gamlen said to him.
“Knew from the moment I saw you you were a whore and the son of a whore. Bet
your elven bitch mother was some serving slut eager to spread her legs for
human cock. You think it was anything more than pity that made your fool father
take you in? Don't blame him, really; this way he didn't even have to pay you
to serve him. Only a matter of time till you were serving on your knees.”
Cooper counted tears to keep from listening.
He had warning when Gamlen was close. His hand held Cooper fast at the nape of
his neck as he pushed deeper, faster, breath coming harder, his mockery
becoming slurred. It was easier now, to let him into his throat, and he tried
not to think about that. Squeezed his eyes shut tighter. Gamlen slapped him. “I
want you looking at me.”
Cooper looked at him and into the lens of his phone. His eyes widened in horror
and the flash stabbed at him, made him cry out muffled against his cock. Gamlen
grunted and spilled hot over his tongue, and when Cooper instinctively twisted
away he let him go to jerk himself off on Cooper's face.
He flinched, swallowed some cum as more landed hot on his cheek, his jaw. He
spat - to the side; didn't dare spit at Gamlen's feet, not even as he slid the
phone into his pocket. His arms came up to hold himself as he curled into the
wall, watching saliva and cum drip from his mouth to the ground. There was a
photo, now. Somehow that shamed him the most.
Gamlen yanked off his belt and Cooper looked down at the chafed skin on his
wrists. “Clean yourself up. You're late for school.” Cooper turned his head
slowly, disbelieving, a hand coming up to scrub some of the mess off his face
with his sleeve. Gamlen must have seen something in his face because before he
knew it he had fallen to the ground gasping around a kick to the ribs.
“I've got that photo now. You're not going to do anything. Because you know as
well as I that they keep you around like they would a mabari. Don't forget who
you're supposed to protect.”
Thea is in art right now. They are doing pastels and it gets everywhere. She
will not tell me what she's working on; says I will have to wait until she has
finished.
Cooper kept his eyes down as he rolled painfully to his knees; put a hand to
the wall to support himself as he hauled himself up. Stood, swaying slightly,
shoulders hunched under Gamlen's gaze and wiped at his face, his mouth. His
throat and heart hurt as the words were scraped out of it. “I'm sorry. I - I
won't do anything.” And then, “Please.” He left it there, unwilling to consider
the possibility long enough to beg Gamlen not to do it.
Gamlen turned and walked back to the truck and Cooper followed after, scrubbing
at his mouth.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Cooper had barely gotten to his knees before Gamlen snapped at him to stand up
again. He jerked to his feet and tried to control his shaking, twisted his
fingers together behind his back. Fought the urge to apologize, stave off
punishment; started when Gamlen grabbed his hip and yanked him close to paw at
his ass. He made a low sound of discomfort and almost pushed away from him
before catching himself and forcing his hands down.
If Gamlen approved he made no sign. “Take off your shirt.”
Cooper raised his hands automatically and froze. Gamlen liked messing up his
uniform. He couldn't meet his eyes but he set his jaw, suddenly very sure he
did not want to.
Gamlen grabbed his chin and forced his face up. Cooper couldn't hide his
resentment if he tried so he didn't, looked at Gamlen with naked hatred. Gamlen
shifted his grip so it settled around his throat. “You're not going to like it
if I take it off for you.”
Cooper gritted his teeth and unbuttoned his collar. Gamlen waited until he was
halfway down his shirt before shoving his free hand in and running it over his
chest. A squeeze cutting off his oxygen reminded Cooper to keep going, as slow
as he thought he could get away with, until he dropped it on the ground behind
him and stood shivering.
“Now your pants.”
Cooper jerked his eyes up and rasped out, “Why -” before he was choked into
silence. Gamlen glared back at him as he tugged fruitlessly at his hand. “Why
do you think?”
Gamlen only loosened his grip when Cooper's shaking hands fell to his pants.
Finally let go to shove down his boxers himself when Cooper left them on and he
stood, shaking with anger, humiliation and the cold while he was inspected.
Gamlen shoved him back against the too familiar wall and he bounced back,
flinching from the chilled metal. His shoulder was grabbed and forced back and
he bit down, turned his shocked cry into a muffled moan, arching without
thought into the warmth of Gamlen's hands. Soft sounds he didn't recognize as
his escaped from his mouth as fingers traced his collarbone, rolled and pinched
his nipples, dragged nails down his hip.
Cooper was still shuddering when Gamlen turned him around; tripped on his pants
around his feet and barely managed to get his hands up in time to stop himself
from slamming into the wall. Terror seized him again; he needed to see - still
didn't know what, if anything, Gamlen intended to do. He was dizzy with the
cold emanating from the metal and the heat of Gamlen behind him, sick with fear
- perhaps that was why he said, too loud and plaintively, “I don't understand -
what -”
Gamlen pressed up close and he almost didn't mind the erection digging into the
small of his back, so grateful was he for the warmth. He must have sighed,
pushed back, because Gamlen chuckled and said nearly affectionately, “Whore.
Keep your hands on the wall. I'm going to fuck you like you've wanted me to.”
Cooper was still baffled and now near mindless with dread. Could not ask
anything more; he already knew he wouldn't like the answer. He'd only the
vaguest idea of what was involved ( Father had laughed a little when we got to
that part, and I looked at him for the first time since he started, and he
clapped me on the shoulder and said that maybe we would save the rest for
another time, seeing how he thought I wasn't liable to go getting into that
kinda trouble anytime soon. I said I didn't think I ever wanted to and he said
that was fine, it was fine, and don't let anybody tell you different or do
things you don't want to and I was glad ) and he stood mutely, intensely aware
of Gamlen parting his ass cheeks and then nothing, until a finger traced his
asshole and he jumped.
Was Gamlen entirely unaware of what that was? “That's not - supposed to go
there, I don't -” and then Gamlen had a forearm across his shoulders to hold
him still, breath hot on his neck as he leaned his other hand on the wall by
Cooper's wrists. But then what was -
It was impossibly big, blunt, and when Cooper realized he cried out and tried
to turn, push Gamlen off, but he'd already seized his wrists. He couldn't get
purchase on the ground, feet hampered by his pants. There was nowhere to go and
he was sobbing. “It won't work it won't work oh god please you can't -” And
then he did and Cooper screamed, a short anguished thing, dissolving into
almost soundless pleas. There wasn't anything else besides Gamlen's cock in his
ass.
And it was just an eternity of a second before Gamlen pushed deeper, adjusting
his grip on Cooper's wrists to hold them more firmly. He didn't go slow. It
felt like he was being scraped raw, hollowed out and filled with pain. He
might've begged because Gamlen told him to shut up, punctuated it with a
sharper movement that made Cooper's knees give. A bright burning hurt seared
his nerves and then his hips were flush with his ass and he was being held up
against the wall by Gamlen's hands and cock and sobbing.
He let go of Cooper's wrists and they fell limp to his sides. “Been too long
since I had a virgin. It'll be easier now.” Pulling out wrung more low cries
and tears and the hurt flared up slow, then went blazing down every nerve as
Gamlen bottomed out again in one thrust. Something started dripping slowly down
his thighs, and it wasn't easier at all. Just faster.
Cooper hiccupped and sobbed, slowly drew a hand up to bite it and muffle
himself. The metal had leached the warmth from him and he leaned against it,
trembling. He wanted to let himself cry, to not hear heavy breathing and the
wet slap of flesh, but Gamlen's hand snagged his hip and pulled him back onto
his cock and under his choked cry he heard him say, “What do you want?”
It had to be a fresh trick, the deceptively gentle tone and the question, but
he leaped at it anyways. “Please, stop, it hurts so much -”
He pulled out and slammed back in and Cooper's body shook with it and with his
tears. “I'm not going to stop until I come. What do you want?”
Cooper shook his head, refusing, but nails dug into the tender flesh on the
inside of his hip and he struggled for air. “I-I want you to. I want -”
Gamlen spanked him and thrust again. “Where are your manners, boy?”
“Please! P-please, I want you to -” he moaned brokenly. “Please come. Inside
me. Please, I want it, please -”
Gamlen grabbed him by the throat and Cooper could swear he felt him release
inside him. It couldn't have lasted too long because his vision hadn't begun to
swim with the asphyxiation when he was let go and crumpled to the ground. He
hadn't known it was possible to hurt this much. He looked down at his thighs
and saw them covered in drips of red and white and pink and thought,  no wonder
it got easier.
A cry caught his attention and he automatically flinched. Fixed on Gamlen, cock
still out of his pants, as he looked at his phone and when it came again Cooper
realized it was him, his voice, and croaked, “Stop!” Didn't want to hear
himself beg to get fucked. He didn't want to find out what he looked like.
Didn't want anything except, perhaps, non-existence.
Gamlen walked to the truck and pulled out a ratty towel, tossed it at him,
video still playing. Got into the truck without another word and left Cooper to
wipe himself down with shaking hands and pick up his clothes, and if he cried
some more at least it wasn't on camera.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Cooper fidgeted, twisting his fingers together in his lap, ears flat against
his head. He couldn't meet the police officer's eyes; licked the slowly welling
blood from his lip.
“Why did you assault that student?”
Because he said my father was a blood mage and deserved to die.  Cooper
shrugged.
A pause. He couldn't control his violent flinch when the officer sat down next
to him, watched him out of the corners of his eyes.
His tone was gentle. “Sometimes schoolyard aggression reflects a disturbed home
life. That bruise on your wrist is too old to have gotten it during this
fight.”
Cooper yanked his sleeve down over it, but turned his head slightly towards the
officer, raised his eyes as far as the badge. You couldn't trust a templar,
but. But it didn't matter anyways. He wasn't going to risk it. All the same,
hope crushed the breath out of him.
Maybe it showed on his face. The officer said even more gently, “We can go
somewhere more private to talk about it. I'd clear it with the school, and no
one would have to know.”
He nodded, and then they were on the road, Cooper in the passenger seat holding
his backpack like a shield, and then he was blurting out, “I can't let him hurt
my sister.”
“Does your uncle hurt you?”
Cooper made no sign that he heard aside from a convulsive clench of his fists.
“S-so I have to -” He thought of a dozen ways to finish his sentence, each
worse than the last, and veered away from them all. “She can't be alone with
him. Please,” and now he looked at the officer for the first time. “Tell me
what I have to do -”
“Why don't you start with the first time something happened.”
Cooper stared at the side of his face and then down to his shaking hands.
Whispered, “Do I have to -” Cut himself off. Took a deep breath, and then
another, and it was an eternity before he said, voice wobbling, “It was a month
ago. And I - he -”
He was focused so hard on not letting the tears fall that he didn't notice that
the patrol car had stopped in a deserted clearing until his door opened. Looked
up into his distorted face in the mirrored sunglasses, and then down at the
handcuffs that had just clicked shut. “What -”
The cop pulled his backpack away, held up his phone with a smile. “Was this the
first time?” Cooper's face was distorted with pain and fear and the cock in his
mouth.
He jerked back, away from the photo, but the cop’s hand snaked out and seized
the chain between the cuffs and yanked him out of the car, sending him
stumbling to the ground. It hurt - his wrists hurt - but there was a great
yawning chasm in his chest now and words came out of it. “You  lied  to me -”
The officer's other hand reached out and grabbed his fingers so tight the bones
ground together and Cooper yelped before he let go. “I pride myself on my
honesty. I didn't lie to you once. Get up.”
A surge of stubbornness made Cooper want to never move again, but it was always
a better idea to have his feet under him, and he staggered upright, hating this
man more keenly than he'd ever felt towards Gamlen. Knew the answer even as he
spat, “What do you want?”
The man lazily unholstered his gun and pointed it at Cooper as the breath died
in his lungs. “You're a smart boy. Guess.”
Cooper snarled, “You can suck your own fucking dick. Go ahead and shoot, you -”
“Ah, but when you're gone, who will we have to turn to then? Did you forget?
You've got someone you need to look out for. My, colleague, Gamlen, he's not
picky. You think she'd do alright?”
Cooper swallowed hard. No, he couldn't. Couldn't let that happen. His eyes
fixed on the unreadable sunglasses and he groped for words of submission, took
an involuntary step back when the gun leveled with his forehead.
“Do you know how many bullets are in this clip? I don't recall. Want to find
out?”
Cooper was pressed against the patrol car now, letting it support his weight.
Terror pounded at him. He could not let himself die. “Please -” The safety
clicked off and he burst out, “Please! I'll do it! Whatever you want! Don't -”
He saw the man's finger tighten on the trigger and at that last he couldn't
meet his death with his eyes open, squeezed them shut tight as -
A click. It took him a second of burning relief before he could open his eyes.
“Guess I didn't reload the whole clip.” He moaned unconsciously and the barrel
of the gun pressed against his lips. “Show me what you can do.”
Cooper stared down the wrong side of the sights at the man's face. After an
endless moment of dread, he opened his mouth and tentatively closed his lips
around the cold metal. He felt like he could see the next bullet in its brass
casing poised just a few inches away to splatter his brains against the car. He
let it slip past his teeth, iron and cordite on his tongue, until he bumped
against the trigger guard. Tried not to gag on the unnervingly rigid steel,
something made harder when the man tilted the gun upwards to raise Cooper's
eyes to his own. “Keep going.”
Cooper made a small sound and drew his head back until the front sight clicked
against his teeth. Licked the barrel, started to drool as he took it back into
his mouth. The metal was almost warm when the man said his name, and he looked
up into that damned smile as he said, “Good luck,” and pulled the trigger
again.
Cooper sobbed around the gun. He'd bit down on it in terror and his teeth
ached. The man pulled the gun out and it scraped across the roof of his mouth,
reopened the cut on his lip. He was too grateful for a full breath to care that
it tasted of blood. The gun was wet and warm when it pressed to his temple and
he looked at the man through tear-blurred eyes.
“You look good like this.” He bent and kissed Cooper. He couldn't react for a
second - Gamlen had said that his mouth wasn't good for anything else and he
hadn't - until he felt something warm swipe across his lip and he jerked away.
More out of confusion than revulsion; it was soft and warm and a welcome relief
from the painful hardness of the gun and handcuffs. The man didn't seem to mind
Cooper's reaction, following him back and slipping his tongue across the corner
of his mouth again. He let the man open his mouth and slide his tongue in to
brush against his own, and something bright and hot and not unpleasant filled
his chest.
The man pulled away, smiled, and licked Cooper's blood off his lips. “You liked
that, didn't you? You've a mouth made for sex.”
Cooper couldn't recoil far enough away. Fresh hurt bloomed alongside fury at
his own stupidity. He shoved at the man's chest with his cuffed hands, squirmed
against the patrol car. The man simply caught him by the throat and cracked him
across the temple with the gun. Cooper sagged, dazed, into the choke hold and
the man dropped him to his knees.
“Hands behind your head.” Cooper dizzily raised his hands, but only to brush
against his temple and look at the too-bright blood on his fingers. Everything
was very loud in his ears and he didn't know how long he was allowed to stare
before the gun pressed against that new burning wound and he belatedly finished
the gesture. Laced his fingers together behind his head and slowly raised his
eyes to the cop’s blurry face.
“Be a sweetheart and take me out, won't you. No hands. Use your mouth.” Cooper
swallowed hard and tried to make his eyes focus properly on the officer’s belt.
He misjudged the distance, bumped his nose against it and recoiled too fast.
Set his head to pounding afresh and he swayed on his knees, hands loosening.
The man laid his own on Cooper's laced fingers and pulled his head forward to
press it hard against his erection. He rubbed himself against Cooper's cheek,
the coarse uniform and the hard belt buckle scraping his skin and Cooper
decided suddenly that sucking his cock would be better than this. His lip
continued to bleed as he gently bit down on the leather and pulled it out of
its loops, worked the fabric away from the button on his slacks and pulled the
zipper down with his teeth.
Cooper stopped until the gun pressed to his forehead. Then he tilted his head
and mouthed at the erection beneath the fabric until his lips met hot skin. He
exhaled shakily and the man's cock twitched against him. “Yeah, let me feel
your slut mouth.”
Cooper moaned low in his throat, a pleading sound, and opened his mouth to drag
his tongue around the tip of his cock. The man's hand slid through his hair,
caressing him, before settling on his interlaced hands again, a warning. He
tasted of musk and salt and the copper taste of his own blood and Cooper tried
not to gag. He'd done this enough times and Gamlen was bigger and why did he
still want to gag? He licked and sucked harder at the cock and hoped he
wouldn't have to let the man into his throat.
The man let him go on until drool was dripping from the corners of his mouth
before he pulled the gun away, showed Cooper his finger on the trigger, and
placed it back on his forehead. “Let me in, sweetheart.” Punctuated it with a
slow thrust that pressed his cock to the back of Cooper's throat. Cooper felt
himself start to rebel against it and reminded himself,  the gun, the gun !
Opened his mouth even wider and sucked in a faint breath around the hot flesh
and pushed himself until his nose met the man's pubic bone.
Gamlen liked to deny him air. Cooper kept himself there until he started to
shake with the need for oxygen and then pulled off, slowly, hating the wet
sounds he made as the man's cock slipped out of his throat. Drew back until
just the head was between his lips and gasped for air around it. Gamlen didn't
like him pulling off all the way. Bitterness covered his tongue and coated his
throat. Gamlen didn't like it when he looked at him. Said it was disrespectful,
a whore like him meeting his eyes like an equal. Cooper's eyelids fluttered but
he couldn't stop himself from looking up.
The officer smiled. He never stopped, it seemed. “You look good like this.
Mouth open, flushed, tears in your eyes.” Cooper tore his eyes away, ashamed;
tried to disguise it by taking a deep breath and - faster this time -
swallowing the man's cock. Licked at what he could, bobbing his head slightly,
lips sealed around it, and when his eyes moved up again of their own accord the
officer said, “Careful now,” and pulled the trigger.
Cooper convulsed, throat clamping shut in fear even as he told himself,  you're
alive! Calm down or he'll hurt you ! His instincts overrode him. His hands
unlaced and he pulled his cuffed hands over his head, shoved at the man's
thighs. Threw himself back against the tires of the patrol car. Gasped once and
then turned, threw up what little he had had to eat that day, hands clutching
at his throat. An apple. He'd had an apple. Had made two sandwiches, let Thea
see him put one in his backpack, and then put both in hers. She had wrestling
practice and needed to keep her energy up. He never wanted to eat these days
anyways. Wiped at his mouth, bile stinging his split lip, and slowly looked up.
Still smiling. “How many shots was that, Ree?”
Cooper twitched, almost glared. If he knew about Thea's nickname then he really
was close enough to hurt her. Pressed the back of his hand to his mouth and
muttered, “Three.”
The gun was suddenly up again. “Three what?”
Cooper's empty stomach cramped, filled with a cold ball of terror. “T-three
shots.” No, that wasn't it. The smile was fading and Cooper could see his
terrified expression in the glasses. “Three shots, sir!" 
The smile returned as if it'd never left and Cooper leaned back against the
car, trembling. Wondered if the gun was loaded at all. Didn't matter. He had to
assume it was. Couldn't risk it. It waved at him and he flinched. “Up.”
Cooper reached up and grabbed the door handle, pulled himself up in shaky
steps. Stood, leaning against the car, and when the gun gestured towards the
hood he went. Smoothed his hand over the police department seal ( Father, he'd
asked, people say they're supposed to protect us, so why do we run? He'd
ruffled his hair, pulled Cooper against his side. There are good policemen,
good templars, but as a whole they protect people who want to keep what they
have. And anybody who threatens that, they're not too fond of. Father, will we
(will you, he meant) be safe? He'd picked him up, even as big as Cooper was
growing, held him tight. I'd keep you safe until the stars all fell from the
sky ) and scrubbed at his eyes with the other.
The officer came up behind him and Cooper's hands clenched into fists on the
warm metal. It was a hot day and he'd taken his blouse off, was just in his
undershirt tucked into his pants, and he ached for more protection from the
hand running over his shoulder blades. The officer stepped up close, pressing
his chest and stomach to Cooper's back. His hands came around and the gun
nestled gentle against the underside of his chin as the other started trailing
over the planes of Cooper's chest. “Strip.”
Cooper unbuckled his belt, was about to toss it aside when the gun pushed up
higher and he gasped, leaned away and into the warm firmness of the officer.
“Neatly, boy. Where's that discipline?” He wound his belt into a circle and
placed it, gently, next to him on the hood of the car. Hesitated, his heart
starting to hammer. The muzzle of the gun traced an idle circle in the soft
flesh under his chin and he swallowed - felt the gun move with it - said that
he had to take off his shoes.
The man made a considering sound and pulled the gun away. “Bend over then. Give
me a show.” Cooper exhaled all his air in a shaking, enraged breath; and then
bent at the waist, keeping his knees locked, and tore at the knots in his laces
with numb fingers, hampered by the cuffs. He was expecting the hand that
smoothed up his inner thigh and grabbed roughly at him. Did not expect the man
to find him half hard, or to respond to it with a soft but definite moan.
Cooper remembered - the bottom fell out of his stomach and he swayed, sick with
anticipation. There was a laugh behind him. “What are you stopping for? Sounded
eager enough just now.”
Cooper almost kicked off his shoes before remembering, placing them neatly to
the side. Stopped moving. Couldn't move, couldn't do it. Felt the gun brush
against his temple and blurted out, “Permission to speak, sir.” His voice only
wavered a little.
There was silence, and then a soft chuckle. “Granted.”
“I -”
“You're not an individual anymore. Not at military school, and not here. You
don't get to use ‘I’. You're a whore.”
Tears pricked his eyes.
“You asked to speak, so you better have something to say. And you better say it
right.”
Cooper twisted his hands together until it felt like they were pulling apart.
“This w-whore -” His voice broke. “Requests permission to. To -” He grasped for
words. This was a horrific amalgam of the languages he'd learned to speak since
Father - since Malcolm had died. “To suck your cock again. Sir.”
The silence stretched so long he was certain it'd be broken by a gunshot. The
officer pushed him hard against the car and he cried out, heart kicking into
overdrive. “What are you trying to hide, Ree?” The hand holding the gun pressed
his shoulders down as the other yanked at his pants and he thought about
fighting but couldn't seem to find the point in it. Let his pants get pulled
down over his ass and closed his eyes.
A low whistle. “Nice.” Cooper made a soft sob. A finger traced the hem of the
black silk panties he wore along the crease between his ass and his thigh, and
then pulled it to the side. Cooper was too aware of how exposed he was, and
humiliation swamped him as the finger slid between his ass cheeks. “Gamlen
dresses you up then. Maybe he wants to feel like he's fucking a quality slut.”
Cooper's fingers scrabbled at the hood before he slumped again.
“And you're wet. My god, he doesn't need to fuck Thea when he's got a cunt like
this.” Two fingers shoved into him and scissored, spreading him, making some of
the cum Gamlen had left in him that morning leak out as he gasped, tried not to
sob. Tried not to think about Thea, or anyone fucking her. He failed at them
all.
“No wonder you got hard.” He squirmed, panting, as the fingers stretched him
open, cold air on places that shouldn't feel it. “You're a crossdressing
pervert.”
Cooper froze. “What?”
His fingers slipped out of him and Cooper sighed in relief. The hand slid
around his stomach and pulled the panties to the side, letting Cooper's cock
slide out and wrapping his fingers around it. Cooper twitched, made a soft
sound to laughter from behind him. “You even sound like a girl. What's the
point of having this -” He tugged roughly on Cooper's cock and Cooper clawed at
the car, flushing with arousal and panic. He was getting harder. “When you're
not gonna use it. Dress like a girl, sound like a girl. Wet like a girl. Bet
you'd rather have another hole to get fucked in. You'd like that, dresses and
makeup. Do you feel pretty, Ree?”
Cooper said nothing. New shame was choking him. Thought bitterly that every
time he thought he couldn't feel worse they found a new way to humiliate him,
and he clearly didn't even have to understand why this hurt in some fresh
nameless way. They'd make sure it hurt regardless.
The man lifted his hand away from Cooper's shoulders, stepped away. He stayed
where he was, bent over the hood. “Ah, you're being a good little girl, aren't
you.” He swallowed the furious denial, ignored the tiny questing feeling inside
that responded to that. “Good sluts get fucked.”
His wrists were pinned to the car and before he could cry out something cool
and hard and  sharp  shoved into his ass. His knees drummed against the car as
he tried to get away, wrenching his shoulders. He knew what it had to be, could
identify the sight as it dug into him and tore him, could feel the metal drag
inside him even with Gamlen's cum slicking him. Felt the trigger guard slam
into his ass. Didn't want to believe it, that was all.
The officer twisted the gun from side to side inside him and he was aware of
every millimeter of movement, the sight dragging and tearing his flesh. Pulled
it out fast and now Cooper screamed. Sharp lancing burning, and then pure
shocking agony when it was forced in again. The man moved close, leaned over
him and said, “What are you crying for? Hardly very big.”
Cooper made an anguished sound and pulled as far away from him as possible.
“It's - sharp -”
The man hummed into his ear and let go of the cuffs, relying on his weight to
trap Cooper against the car. Cooper covered his face with shaking fingers as
the cop’s free hand trailed down and cupped his cock, circled his thumb and
forefinger around Cooper's cock and pulled on it slowly, giving it a slight
twist at the top, and to his shame Cooper twitched into it even as the gun slid
back into him. He closed his eyes against the tears but they slid out anyways.
“Pretty whore, wanting anything as close to a cock as you can get.” Cooper
shook his head but it was just habit and some small semblance of pride left
that made him do it. He believed the cop. The friction on his cock loosened his
limbs, set a slow burn in his stomach that eased the stinging agony in his ass.
The cop shifted to bring his thigh up, hold the gun in place and let his hands
roam over Cooper. His fingers found his nipple and he shivered, expecting
Gamlen's violence. Instead, his forefinger rubbed against it through the soft
cotton and Cooper couldn't help but arch into the gentle drag of a nail over
his hardening nipple. He squirmed, trying to keep his lower body still so the
gun wouldn't move. Still felt it shift inside him and create new constellations
of pain.
The officer hummed into Cooper's neck and grabbed his ass, sank his fingers
into it and moved it around the gun, onto it. Cooper made a strangled shout as
it scraped him again. His knees were shaking and he would have fallen without
the car, without the cop holding him up and tucking his face into his shoulder
and saying in a conversational tone utterly discordant with his words, “Wonder
what kind of damage I'd do if I pulled the trigger now.”
Cooper couldn't help the full body shudder that wracked him, couldn't help
curling into himself as much as he could and whispering, “Please, I don't want
to die - I can't, please -”
“Yes, you can. It's very easy to die, sweetheart.” He slowly, deliberately
moved and Cooper could feel him wrapping his hand around the grip. His breath
caught and released on a sob and he dropped his head, tears leaking past his
fingers onto the cuffs. He shook with them. He thought dimly that he didn't
want to die getting fucked by the gun that killed him, thought dizzily of the
pain - would he feel the bullet ripping through him, would it be an instant
descent into nothingness or an agonizing darkness that surrounded him. He
thought suddenly of Thea and would she know? Would she know that he'd been
thinking of her. Would she trust him enough to know that. Could he ask for her
trust if he left her? His face was hot and the tears burned his split lip. He
was sobbing. He shook with them.
The cop smoothed his hand over his chest, caressed his throat. “Are you
afraid?”
Cooper thought about fighting, about denying the man an easy murder. His voice
echoed and pounded inside his skull. “Yes.”
The cop ran his thumb and forefinger over the line of Cooper's esophagus,
feeling the tremors from his too audible sobbing. “What are you afraid of?”
Cooper thought about pain, pain, the well worn image of Malcolm dying, the
nothingness or the Maker's judgment, either way the total loss of himself and
the final separation from anybody he could call his, anyone who would call him
theirs. “Thea being alone.”
The cop sighed sympathetically. “It's good to face your fears.” Cooper floated,
felt emptied of everything but the terror, as if the bullet would exit him and
there would be no blood, no gore. The cop pulled his hand away from his throat
and stood back, the gun shifting as he slid his finger over the trigger, and
suddenly Cooper was too aware of the fragile solidity of the body keeping him
alive. He clawed at the car, trying to escape now at the last, as he pulled the
trigger and -
Nothing. A dull muffled click from inside him. He was alive and he wanted to
live and he choked on the tight ball of tears in his throat. Everything was in
too much detail, hyperawareness swamping him. The cop pulled the gun out and
the pain almost didn't register as anything but sensation.
He was flipped around and he looked at the cop's sunglasses through blurred
tears. Cooper let himself get bent back over the hot smooth metal. Saw his
reflection in the sunglasses move close and then he was being kissed by someone
whose mouth didn't taste of blood and tears and he sighed. He raised his cuffed
hands to the cop's chest and spread his fingers over it, let his legs fall open
around the cop's hips. The cop laughed against his lips. “Grateful for your
life, are you?”
Cooper was alive and he could feel things and this, this felt good and he
moaned, “Yes, thank you,” and he meant it. The man ground into him and he
arched into it, let the man's erect cock rub against his softened one. He
kissed the cop, aware that he didn't actually know how, that he was just
pressing wet bloody lips against the narrow smiling mouth, hoping he was
enthusiastic enough. His eyes were open and he blinked away the persistent
tears, trying to focus on the blurry face in front of him that suddenly pulled
away. He froze, shaking, fingers tangled in the cop’s uniform.
“How are you feeling.” The cop's hand came up and Cooper flinched, only to
shiver when it brushed his sweat dampened hair out of his face. Cooper stared
at his reflection in the sunglasses, watched himself lick his lips. He hurt
badly, now he was being forced to think about it. His head was fuzzy and full
of sharp pain at the same time and his extremities were tingling. He didn't
know how to answer and it was frightening him because he needed to answer
correctly  and he hiccuped a fresh sob, leaned into the hand caressing his
cheek.
“Be honest with me, Cooper Hawke. You've permission to speak.”
“Scared, sir. Please, I'm scared.” Numb with panic, greatly daring, he pulled
at the cop, buried his face in the man's starched collar and breathed out into
his skin. “I'll do what you want, I  want  what you want, please I just want to
make you happy -” He kissed the harsh stubbled line of the cop's jaw, fingers
spreading over his chest, his thighs closing gently around the cop's hips as he
cautiously bucked his hips.
Cooper could feel the rumbling laugh all through him where he had pressed
himself close to the cop, and the hand stroking his cheek pulled his face back.
The cop smiled, smiled, smiled. “Smile for me.” Cooper pulled the corners of
his mouth back, trying to look non-threatening, feeling the blood drip from his
mouth.
“Tell me you're a good whore.”
The smile slipped a bit and Cooper hauled it back up. Slid a hand up to clutch
at his shoulder and said in a fawning voice he didn't recognize, “I'm a - I'm
your  good whore. Sir.”
A longer laugh this time while Cooper smiled (smiled, smiled), frozen except
for the faint suggestive roll of his hips against the cop's. “Ah. I owe your
uncle money. I didn't think it would take this long to break you, but he told
me you were stubborn. A small wager between friends, eh?”
Cooper got shoved back flat onto the patrol car hood. His smile cracked a
little but he held it in place, arching his back to help the cop pull the silk
panties off him, nodding fervently in agreement when the cop called him a
crossdressing faggot. Pulled his cuffed hands in against his chest and spread
his legs wide when told to. Smiled for the camera. Let the smile shatter
finally when the cop kissed him slow and tender as he slid into Cooper’s ass
with no resistance.
He hooked his legs around the cop's hips, moaning breathily when he was
expected to, every time he bottomed out. It hurt, almost as badly as the first
time had. Worse? He wasn't sure. His heart felt bruised. He thought he was
still crying, was staring at the sky. Breathed shallowly through his mouth to
keep the sobs inaudible. He just had to do whatever it took to live. That's
all.
The cop bent down over Cooper, forearms on either side of his head, and Cooper
whimpered. “You're not hard anymore. Why's that?”
Of course he had to know. There was no earthly way he couldn't know, wasn't
playing with him. Just thinking that felt too close to rebellion and sent a
wave of terror through him. Cooper looked away, stuttered, “I - I'm - it hurts,
sir.”
A hand stroked his hair off his forehead. “You'd prefer something like this?
Silk and gentle hands?”
It didn't sound so bad.
The cop stopped fucking him; stayed buried deep inside him, but that was better
than the burn. His hand tilted his face back to face him as the other slipped
down between them and Cooper's breath hitched, and then released on a grateful
gasp. The fingers were gentle. He was far too overstimulated to tell whether it
was pleasure that thrummed along his nerves.
The cop lowered his mouth to Cooper's ear and drew his earlobe between his
teeth, flicked his tongue along the curve of his ear and spoke low. “Does
Gamlen let you come?”
Everything was too bright and Cooper closed his eyes and the nails tracing his
ribs made him shiver. “Um - a-after, he. After.”
The cop didn't answer. His hand slowly pumped Cooper's cock, the other winding
through his hair to tilt his head back and expose his neck. Cooper sighed and
arched and tried not to mind that he was, predictably, getting hard. So long as
he didn't forget that the softness meant nothing, and that trying to please him
was meant as humiliation and not an exchange between - equals? If not equals,
then at least between people who both  wanted  it.
The cop nipped at his collarbone and said, “Better?”
Cooper lied, “Yes.”
He pulled almost out of Cooper, adjusted his hips so that he was bent
uncomfortably backwards, and then thrust back in, angling upwards.
Cooper must have said something because the cop laughed and did it again.
Gamlen had done it before, trying to get a reaction. He'd gotten one, but Coop
supposed it hadn't been enthusiastic enough, or else why that wager. Perhaps
Gamlen's been telling everyone. Perhaps they'll come for you too.Cooper
shuddered and turned it into a moan, burying the fear and shame.
He could tell when the cop was close. He and Gamlen were similar enough in
other ways, it stood to reason this would be too. The cop tugged harder on
Cooper's cock, told him to come, you pretty whore. It took him a moment to
remember what that meant, and then an aching minute to convince his body that
that was what was expected. He wasn't sure it was working until he felt himself
jerk; and hot cum landed on his stomach; and he sagged back into floating
halfway out of his body, watching numbly as the cop finished, and pulled out,
and wiped his dick clean on the blouse Cooper had folded off to the side ten
years ago, and leisurely buttoned his slacks back up.
He reached for the gun and Cooper was violently back in his own terrified skin,
sliding off the hood of the car to try and mold himself to the license plate, a
whimper bubbling in his throat. Tears welled up again and he dimly heard
himself say please.
The cop, still smiling, pointed the gun in the air and pulled the trigger.
Click, click, click, click, click. Bang.  It echoed through Cooper's bones and
he couldn't hear anything anymore.
***** epilogue *****
He is -
-
-
-
He is on the roof. His knees are pressed into terracotta tiles. It hurts, but
sitting like he usually does would hurt more because -
-
-
-
He is on the roof. He knows this because he is kneeling on terracotta roof
tiles. His shirt is wet. He must have attempted to launder it when -
-
No; he is on the roof. He is angry that he keeps forgetting this. There is
nowhere else that he is. He is functioning, as evidenced by how he made it to
the roof. And with a washed shirt too. In fact he's dressed exactly to
regulations. Aside from the damp spot on his shirt. He's on the roof, and fine.
“Cooper?”
He jerks his head up and Thea is blurrier than she usually is. He wipes his
eyes and that helps some. His eyes just hurt, for some reason. He can't think
of the reason right now. While he assiduously tries not to remember the reason
Thea is suddenly much closer and reaching out for him but that's alright, he
would like that, he decides, but then she doesn't.
“Did you get in a fight?”
A fight. There might have been violence. That is an element of a fight. “Yes.”
But Thea will worry if all he does is say that, he has to smile -
He does not smile. Reproves himself, you always have a smile for her. Except
when father - and -
She touches his shoulder. “How am I supposed to take care of you if you keep
getting into fights without me?”
He takes a deep breath. A fight happened. “Better if only one of us gets
trounced.”
She lightly shoves at him. “That's quitter talk, Ree. Besides, you're not the
one on the wrestling team, I just have to teach you better.”
He can manage a smile now, so he does. “Your wrestling has too many rules. I
like when they cheat and whack each other with chairs.”
She slides in under his arm and gives a dismissive sniff. “That's fake, dummy.
It's just TV.”
He wraps his arms around her tight. She fits under his chin still and this is
familiar, they've done this on other roofs, when he couldn't sleep and she came
up to keep him company and fall asleep and this is good. Thea wouldn't ever
hurt him. She's more important than anything and he would do well to remember
that -
It doesn't sound like his voice in his head anymore and he clutches her
tighter, putting Thea between him and his own - whatever it is that's trying to
make itself remembered. She curls against his chest. “Wouldn't be a good story
if there wasn't a proper winner.”
He thinks about this. “Doesn't it hurt. When you let them win.” It sounds
hollow and far away.
She presses herself in closer, saying something uncertainly. He closes his
eyes. Thinks maybe he interrupts her. “Would you hate me if I lost. The fight.”
She speaks muffled against his chest. “Don't be dumb.”
He says faintly, “Okay.” And then, “Stay here, for a bit.” Helps her climb into
his lap and lets her breathing guide his own.
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