Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/133627.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation
  Relationship:
      Wesley_Crusher/William_Riker, William_Riker/Deanna_Troi
  Character:
      Wesley_Crusher, William_Riker, Deanna_Troi
  Additional Tags:
      First_Time, flash_back, Underage_-_Freeform
  Stats:
      Published: 2010-11-16 Words: 4958
****** Telling of the First Time ******
by anemptymargin
Summary
     Wesley comes clean with Deanna about his past with Will, and then
     shows her exactly how it happened the first time.
Notes
     In continuity with Tomorrow, but not a sequel per se. Many thanks to
     (LJ) sexylaccolith for a basic beta read!
See the end of the work for more notes
He had been aboard the Titan almost four weeks already, trying to make a name
for himself outside of the boy genius he’d been an age before - even taking
steps to further distance himself from his travels and just be a typical
Starfleet officer. For the most part the transition had been seamless and he
was content to let himself get lost in his role in engineering, Lieutenant
Crusher. Of course he’d had reservations when the assignment came down, nobody
had needed to tell him Captain Riker had requested him specifically and
probably had to call in at least one favor given the high profile assignments
he was up for. It had made sense to all involved for him to serve with familiar
officers, and Wesley tried to take comfort in telling himself it was his skills
that landed him where he was and not their history.
It was his destiny, he had been told as much and seen very vividly several
points in his history to be that would get him there. The visions were left
over from his travels, something he knew would never fully leave him - just
flashes of moments without any sort of context or clarity - that told him when
something would alter or fulfill his path. Usually they made no sense at the
time and he had trained himself to not let them completely derail his life. It
was a vision that interrupted his attempts to simply blend in and left him
standing outside the Captain’s quarters at 07:00 hours after a fitful sleep.
“Wesley.” Deanna smiled as he entered, ushering him in towards a lovely
breakfast she had already laid out.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to interrupt.” He replied, knowing full and well that
he wasn’t - the vision was clear, they were meant to have the conversation over
coffee and fruit… quite civil despite the typically difficult subject matter.
“You aren’t.” She pulled out a chair, entering his beverage selection into the
replicator; “Coffee?”
“Sure.” He smiled, keeping up the pretense a little longer just to see what was
to play out next.
“I remember.” She chuckled softly, shaking her head. “This may sound strange,
but shortly after you joined the crew I had this same exact breakfast with you
in a dream.” She paused, joining him at the small table. “Last night he told me
you would come see me in the morning and I knew that it was true.”
Wesley nodded, “The Traveler, you saw him?”
She shook her head, “Will told me you were coming.” It was an interesting turn
of events that Will should be guiding the conversation and not yet be present -
though it would only be fair given the topic of discussion. “I suppose we have
quite a bit to talk about.” Deanna licked her lips, starting things on the path
before Wes could even think of where to begin.
He nodded again, letting himself simply consider both the situation and his
friend. She didn’t know much about the past, but undoubtedly knew enough to
make a wife suspicious or even upset… she appeared to be neither. “You don’t
hate me?” He found himself smiling even as he asked.
“No.” She shook her head, picking up her mug in both hands. After a long pause
she continued, “I was very angry for several years when he wouldn’t tell me
what was happening. I knew it was bothering him and wanted to help, but he was
afraid it would hurt all of us to tell me.”
“Would it have?”
She thought about it, lowering the mug and sectioning a bright red fruit he
didn’t recognize before answering; “It would have changed things. I don’t know
if it would have been for the better.”
“It’s supposed to be this way.” Wesley interjected before she could think
further on it, “Things are happening the way they are supposed to.”
Deanna nodded slowly, stroking her fingertips over the flesh of the soft fruit
she had been pulling apart. “He has never told me explicitly what happened, but
I have bits and pieces that fit together in some fashion.”
“I see.” Wesley nodded; “Not literally, but I knew you put some of it together.
Could you tell me more?”
“Of course.” Her smile faltered only a moment, thankfully she was quite at
ease. “He loves you, even now… very deeply and in a way that I don’t know he
has ever understood fully.” She paused again, clearly a bit hurt by the thought
- with good reason. “It started when you were quite young. I know, he has
associated you with a great amount of guilt and also passion.” She stopped,
eating a small piece before continuing, “Something happened before you left,
the tension between you changed to something it should not have.”
Wesley interrupted before she could continue. “We were lovers.” She didn’t
respond, but Wes could feel a touch of both pain and understanding. “I was not
quite sixteen when it started and it was never anything solid.” He barreled on,
continuing to lay out the timeline as best he could. “It was over a few months
before… before I left. It really all came down to me asking for something I
wasn’t destined to have.”
She didn’t respond for several long minutes, and her emotions were once more
hidden from him. Finally, she said; “You wanted him to be exclusive.”
He laughed unexpectedly, “Something like that.” He realized he was grinning
again.
Slowly, her smile returned and she began to pick at her breakfast once more. A
much more comfortable silence settled between them and he watched her eat with
utmost admiration. She was taking the new knowledge quite well, probably only
filling the gaps in what she already knew. She asked, “Would you be frank with
me if I asked how it started?”
Wesley smiled wider, nodding as he stood up and moved close beside her. “I can
show you.”
“Show me.” She whispered, not quite a question but not a demand.
Wes licked his lips and rested his hand gently on top of hers, “I’ve been
waiting to do this… you’re my first.” It was true. He’d been told before he
left he would be able to share his memories, but must only do so with someone
he trusted intimately with such a deep bond. Clasping her hand tight, he knelt
on the floor beside her and whispered, “Just listen to my voice and let down
your walls.” It felt right, at least. “I’ll show you everything and let you see
my side of the story.” She nodded assent and waited quietly. “Deanna. Don’t be
afraid, I’m in your thoughts now.” He spoke, without speaking and couldn’t help
but wonder if it was just as simple when she spoke telepathically. It wasn’t
true telepathy really, only a one way mirror… like watching a holodisc of his
narration of his own memory. He couldn’t control or alter the message, only
show and tell. “I know you blame Will for all of this, he blames himself too
but that’s something we’ll have to address another day. I started it, Deanna. I
was young and impulsive… and determined to get what I wanted.”
***
“Commander…” I moaned against my fist, biting down into my knuckles to stifle
the sound. My muscles clenched and I pushed back against the wave of pleasure,
stroking hard and strong until I finally came - resisting the urge to bite down
even harder and just let loose. I was sixteen, sexually frustrated and utterly
enamored with the Commander. It’s funny, Deanna… but for almost the first year
I couldn’t see past Starfleet ranks… I wonder if that’s why it was so thrilling
at first to seduce and ultimately have someone in authority. Regardless, I had
my suspicions that his thoughts were less than pure - he liked to touch too
much… to look too long, the sort of poetic sounding thing that may have well
been all in my head at the time. I asked him once, not long before we broke
things off for good, when he noticed the potential and he claimed it wasn’t
until I was naked in his lap - but with that laugh right afterward that gave
him away.
I cleaned up and put on my uniform, stretching the taut fabric until it looked
just right. My day was uneventful, seemingly one thing after another leading to
the event I looked forward to most of the day - passing Commander Riker in the
corridor and perhaps taking the turbolift if he was off shift. Thankfully I’d
been in luck.
“Deck 8.” Will spoke as he entered the lift, smiling when I managed to slip in
behind him.
“Deck 10.” I added quietly. The lift paused a moment, then began its usual trip
in near silence. Finally mustering up the courage, I asked quietly; “If you’re
not doing anything later on, sir, I was wondering if you would be free to look
at a program I’ve been working on for the holodeck.”
At first he didn’t respond, and I wondered if I had spoken at all, but then as
the lift stopped he turned to me a smiled, the tip of his tongue running along
the bottom of his lip before he responded. “Sure, a bit of relaxation?”
“Yes! Of course.” I jumped at the opportunity being accepted so easily. It
sounds pretty terrible now, but when I didn’t know better it seemed like the
ultimate in smooth suggestion. “Fifth Century Greece.” I smiled, already
feeling warm behind the ears. “You don’t have to wear a costume or anything
special.”
He seemed to be considering the offer again, giving me the sinking feeling he
was trying to find some way to bow out without coming off badly. Then once
more, his lips quirked into a curious smile. “Alright. Give me an hour.”
I wanted to explode then, I think. Everything was falling into place far too
easily. When he stepped out of the lift I practically danced to the holodeck.
For that whole hour I obsessed over every minute detail of the small bathhouse
scene; the temperature, sculptures, plant life, even the lighting had to be
precise. When he came several minutes early, I was still tying off my plain
white towel.
“Wesley.” He spoke calmly, approaching where I stood as he examined the
environment. I imagined he was staring at me, hoping in many ways that he was.
“You like it?” I grinned, tossing him a towel.
He nodded, stopping not even a foot away. “You really wrote this, huh?”
I stepped towards the warm inset pool, down the stone steps until water lapped
at my ankles. “It's sort of been a pet project.”
He grinned wider and watched me sit at the edge, letting the towel bunch around
my waist. Almost too casually, he stripped off his uniform. I looked, I mean… I
was sixteen and pretty much getting painfully close to exactly what I wanted.
He was close to what I had imagined, and definitely at least a little aroused
by the situation. As if consciously confirming my desire and his attraction, he
walked closer and dropped his towel between us. “When in Corinth?” He chuckled
under his breath, lifting an eyebrow.
Hah, thinking about it now I just stared at him as he sat down on the edge of
the pool - close enough to touch. In retrospect he made it pretty damn clear he
knew exactly where I was taking things. “I was going for Athens.” I responded
dumbly, not really sure where I was taking things anymore.”
He laughed out loud, somewhat unexpectedly, and blushed red across his jaw
line. He tugged the towel over his lap as though he’d just realized the moment
that had passed, “It’s really nice, Wesley.” He looked down into the water,
swirling it around his feet.
“Thank you.” I responded, quietly adding, “Sir.”
He chuckled again and shook his head. For a long moment he was quiet - enjoying
the soft sounds of the empty bathhouse. Perhaps frustrated, perhaps bold, he
looked back from his lap to me. “So,” he spoke almost with a sense of
apprehension, “How long should I wait before pointing out the obvious?”
“Sir?” I pretended to be innocent, getting the sinking feeling in the pit of my
belly that things weren’t going quite as well as I’d initially assumed they
were.
He licked his lips and looked away, “You’re about as subtle as a Klingon.” He
let out another soft chuckle, shaking his head, “It may have been somewhat more
subtle to pin me down and break my legs.”
I froze, I hadn’t expected he would piece things together until well into the
final stages of my plan… and honestly assumed that if he did he would have at
least kept quiet about it. Of course as far as plans go, mine hadn’t been a
very good one. “What do you mean?”
At first he didn’t answer, merely slid out from under the towel that had been
covering his nakedness and into the warm pool. After thinking it over for a
bit, he responded, “I think you ought to know that if we’re going to play this
game it isn’t going to go where you think it will.” In the long run, he was
right - but that’s a bit of a long story. He dipped down under the water, and
then found a small, comfortable, spot to break the surface and relax on the
opposite side of the recess.
Figuring my cause was getting pretty desperate, I took to desperate measures
and unknotted my towel. My whole body blushed as I exposed myself to him,
“Please don’t go.”
Will watched me very intensely, even before that moment, and I think I knew
even then that he wasn’t about to leave. I know now that even his protests were
for the sake of his own conscience more than anything else. When he made no
move to do so, I stepped into the shallow water, wading over to where he sat
chest deep.
He leaned back, too casually really, and looked me dead in the eyes. “You
shouldn’t do this, Wes. I understand that you think you want this - but you
don’t.”
He was wrong, but I understand that at the time he didn’t know it. Sometimes I
think he still doesn’t realize that I was always well aware of my actions.
Later in our relationship, I used sex against him. All it has ever taken to get
what I want is to push the right sequence of buttons… it was too easy. I stood
as close to him as I could, his knees brushing against my thighs. “And what do
I want, Sir?”
“Someone your own age. Someone who isn’t desirable just because they’re an
authority figure.” He paused, probably realizing those things were irrelevant
when stripped naked and aroused. “One of your peers.”
I had to laugh; “My peers?” I responded incredulously, “You mean the kids in my
class? Come on, you’ve got to know by now that I don’t belong there. I belong
on the bridge - even you have said I deserve rank.” I forced myself to stop and
focus on the moment at hand before I blew it completely with my own stupid ego.
Boldly, I climbed up into his lap, straddling him with one knee pressed tight
against each of his thighs. “I belong here. With you.” I pushed as close as I
could, chest to chest as I fit myself against his body like we’d always been
meant to be that close. “I want you.” The words come out far more whiny and
childish than I had intended, but apparently they worked.
Almost unexpectedly, he grabbed me by the chin and pulled my mouth close for
the hardest kiss I’d ever had - not that there was much to compare it to. It
was rough, aggressive… much more so than I had imagined it would be. Both of
his large hands stroked down my shoulders and chest - then held me tight at the
waist. “Is this what you want?”
I must have been grinning like an idiot again, no matter how poorly planned or
executed everything was pretty well looking up. Sure I could ask for just about
anything at that point, I reached down into the water and slipped a hand
directly behind me - eagerly grasping his mostly hard manhood and guiding it
against my ass. He chuckled nervously, but the shift of his cock pressing even
harder against me gave it away. “This is what I want.”
I would apologize for my graphic verbiage, Deanna, though I feel that you are
much more intrigued than offended. I won’t pretend to be shocked.
His reaction… well, I believe that isn’t shocking either. He smiled, his body
even warmer than the bath, and kissed me once more. Not hard the second time,
but clearly deliberate. Slowly, he stroked back up to my shoulders, and then
touched my face with his palms. I figured he must still be reluctant and broke
off the kiss to whisper; “Please. Please, Will…” It was the first time I had
called him by name, and in my head it sort of stumbled off my tongue… it didn’t
really ever feel right until after I had left for the academy.
He shook his head, still wearing a lopsided smile; “Are you sure you want me to
be your first?”
I nodded even as I couldn’t help but ask; “What makes you think you’re first?”
“You asked me to meet you in ancient Greece to play into a subconscious
pederastic fantasy encouraged at that point in history.” He ran his tongue over
the inside of his lower lip, punctuating the thought. “What you lack in
subtlety you make up for in having the courage to follow through with it.”
“Is it working?” I couldn’t stop myself; something just made me want to keep
talking despite my body’s desire to shut up.
He paused, and then kissed me again and again. It was working. “I want to show
you something.” He murmured between kisses. When he spoke again it was to
address the computer, calling up a private locked program. Gone were the warm
water and steam - Grecian architecture replaced by the interior of a small,
drab room. The towels lay forgotten by the door as Will braced himself to the
shift of my weight in his lap. “Alaska, 2348.”
I held tight to him, pulling up my legs and wrapping them around his waist -
encircling his chest with my arms. My eyes searched every bit of the room - but
it could have been any cheap hotel on Earth… or several other planets for that
matter. Bed, table, two chairs, a small view screen. Only a single window
showed the outside world, a parking lot covered in great mountains of snow with
more falling fast.
He continued, “She was a few years older than I was, already doing admirably in
her research as a medical technology specialist.” I watched as the holographic
pair came in from the cold, laughing and shaking off the snow as they disrobed
- leaving a trail of slush and clothing to the bed. “Computer, end playback.
Remove characters.” He ordered, just as things were starting to get
interesting. “She was my first.” He let out a dray chuckle, hugging me tighter
to him. “It was absolutely awful; we were both embarrassed and haven’t talked
to each other since.”
I was confused; “Why are you showing me this?”
“This will change everything, if we go through with what you’re suggesting. We
could stop right now, put on our uniforms and go back to not doing something we
will probably regret.”
I grinned and flattened my palms on his back - enjoying the sensation of his
bare flesh pressed completely against my body. “Or we could not.”
“True.” He responded honestly, letting out a soft sigh when I leaned in even
further, pushing him backwards as I rested my head on his shoulder. “You do
realize it would have to be kept in the strictest confidence.”
I laughed, a bit of my remaining nervousness assuaged. “My mother would kill
you.”
“Only after I was court-martialed. This directly violates at least one
Starfleet regulation.”
I grinned, my lips gently kissing his bare chest - seeking out the skin. “Since
when have you thought regulations are more than a suggestion?”
He groaned softly when my mouth found a nipple, suckling it between my lips.
“Mmm, I won’t say that you make a pleasing argument for them.” A strong hand
stroked over my hair and he whispered; “Only if you’re sure.”
I opened my lips, letting out the hard bud before I had intended to. Still
feeling empowered by the knowledge of his mutual attraction I shifted my weight
forward again, somehow managing to push him to the floor. He grunted, but kept
smiling when I let my body lay completely atop him. “More than anything.”
He nodded slowly, watching my eyes - perhaps for the possibility of deception
or regret. “We’ll do this my way. Get up on the bed.”
It was everything I could do not to say; “Yes Sir” as I scrambled off of him
and onto the bed. I can’t believe I’m letting you see this, but I suppose you
deserve a little bit of the horrible to go with the good. I just got right up
there and put my ass up in the air like it was the perfect thing to do.
He laughed at me. I mean, if I hadn’t clearly been out of my element I would
have been offended, but I guess he knew far better than I did. “It doesn’t
exactly work like that, Wesley.” He pushed himself up off the floor and
remained standing beside the large holographic hotel bed. I still wonder what
was going through his mind as he watched me with those eyes that looked like he
could eat me alive. After that moment I became much more aware of when he was
looking at me. “Roll on your back.”
I did as he told, feeling only the slightest hint of shame when I exposed
myself to him - my first instinct to grasp my manhood by the base and stroke it
out towards him with my opposite hand. He smiled and licked his lips, the
response only urging me further.
“Slowly, slow…” He spoke more softly than I’d ever heard him, sinking down onto
the mattress to lay the opposite direction - taking full control he straddled
me on all fours, affording me a view that was pretty amazing at the time.
I’ll admit, as though it isn’t painfully obvious, he was my first… first
everything, but when you’ve got something just right there in your face like
that I think instinct sort of takes over. His mouth felt better than anything
I’d managed on my own… or once with a program I don’t particularly care to
remember. It’s pretty embarrassing, but I’m sure you can imagine I didn’t
exactly last long. I was still barely exploring his cock - kissing and licking
at the hard shaft before experimentally taking what little I dared between my
lips. He tasted… well, I guess you probably know but it was amazing in my mind.
I didn’t even take it all in before my knees started to buck le and he pushed
down hard on my hips - pinning me down. I’m not sure what worked for me more…
that he wanted me to get off or that I was actually doing it.
He pulled away from me unexpectedly as I rode the hard waves of orgasm; I must
have whined pretty loudly because he turned to look me in the face again. He
was blushing dark, his breathing hard and ragged. “Is it still what you want?”
he panted.
I would have done anything for him at that moment. If he had asked in that tone
of voice, I could have lied, probably even killed. I just wanted him to feel
even close to how I was at that moment. “Please?” I begged, not even knowing
really what I was asking for.
He nodded and swallowed hard, holding out an open palm. “Computer, replicate
compound 697-P. Two ounces.”
I was lost, but thankful he was taking charge. The small dish appeared in his
hand and he guided my knees up and open. By the time I had fully put it
together he was gently rubbing the slippery concoction over my opening. “Will
it hurt?” I asked naively.
He nodded again, dragging his first two fingers through the goo and then across
the opening once more - teasing very lightly. “Not as much as a Grecian boy.”
He smiled briefly, and then added; “There is a slight numbing agent in the mix
- it’s based on something a good friend of mine found on shore leave at Risa.”
I won’t say that I wasn’t the slightest bit afraid, but I will tell you he was
gentler than I ever thought he could be. He took it very slow, easing me open
with his fingers until I was trembling and moaning - barely able to stand the
anticipation. “Please….” I begged him, meaning it this time. I wanted more, I
wanted… I wanted to please him.
“Look at me, Wesley. I want to see your eyes.” He requested, slowly withdrawing
the three fingers he had been working me over with.
I won’t say that was easy to look him in the face, in a way it completely
solidified what was happening. We were well beyond the point of turning back,
and what was left of what he considered my innocence was lost. I think part of
me wanted him to be conflicted, that it would have been better if he had
faltered and at least pretended it wasn’t what he wanted. I can’t explain it,
but that was the only time I didn’t know for sure if it was all real. I looked
into his warm eyes, seeing lust but beyond that something I couldn’t decode at
that time - it was fear. He was afraid of what it all meant, probably of what
would come of it… if anything at all.
“You’re beautiful.” He whispered as he pulled me in tight against his hips,
rubbing the slick tip of his cock against my stretched out hole.
My whole body was flushed pink and damp with a light sweat that I can only
assume was much more beautiful right before you got ready to engage in
something incredibly intense with someone. I forced a smile and looked away, to
that single window now buried in the snow outside. He pushed himself in slowly,
then took me by the hips with both hands - hilting inside me hard. Self
conscious, I pushed my own palm over my mouth - holding back the loud moans as
he began to withdraw and thrust in decidedly slow rhythm. I closed my eyes,
turning my palm to the side and biting down between my thumb and forefinger as
I let myself get lost in the sensations.
“Wes…” He panted softly, picking up speed - each thrust harder and faster than
the previous. “Look at me, Wes. Are you okay?” I moaned around my hand, rocking
my hips up against him only to have my knees knocked apart once more. Slowly, I
opened my eyes to watch his face twist as he let out a low, growling sound.
Without even thinking about it, he pulled out and came on the bed - his
shoulders rolling as he pushed up and stretched out his back. For a moment his
whole being seemed impossibly big, only to be dashed again when he collapsed
beside me.
I don’t really remember how I felt about it once it was over, I guess that’s
the sort of thing you’re actually supposed to remember… but all I could think
about was that it had finally happened. I curled up against him and showered
kisses on his shoulder until he held me in his strong arms. Then, without a
word we parted. He just pulled on his uniform and left.
***
“You were hurting.” Deanna spoke softly as Wesley’s voice stopped - the images
ending as suddenly as they had started. “Figuratively, I mean… he changed.”
“Because of what I did.” Wesley responded. He returned to the chair he had
previously occupied, swallowing hard before adjusting his obvious arousal and
forcing himself to sit down. “It was pretty crazy, I guess… but that’s the way
it was then. I don’t think he even talked to me for a week after that.”
“He had to think about what he had done.” Deanna answered the question before
he could even answer it. “His identity had shifted to include you.”
“But who was I, really? I was nothing to him.” Wes sounded almost hurt, his
voice dropping to a soft murmur as he picked up a piece of fruit to roll in his
hands. “I was just some horny kid with an authority complex.”
Deanna sighed, “We both know that isn’t true, Wesley. If you expect to work
things out you’ll have to get over the past.”
He nodded slowly, “I know, I just feel kind of stupid about the whole thing. I
don’t know why I’m even here or why I’m telling you any of this.”
“I want you to. I want to know.”
“But why? What could it possibly solve?” She didn’t answer, didn’t have to
really. Before Wesley could push it any further his com chirped, reminding him
he had places he should consider being.
“Come tonight, Wesley. I want to know more.”
***End***
End Notes
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