Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1078141.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Jean_Kirstein/Eren_Yeager
  Character:
      Jean_Kirstein, Eren_Yeager, Mikasa_Ackerman_(mentioned)
  Additional Tags:
      Wigs, Crossdressing, body_image_issues, and_for_once_it's_Eren_having
      them, Angst, Fluff, Oral_Sex, Anal_Sex, Complete, Community:_snkkink
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-12-10 Completed: 2014-01-13 Chapters: 2/2 Words: 7441
****** Tame (formerly Perspective) ******
by Variabile
Summary
     Now with added Jean's POV as a second chapter.
     I changed the title because I've just realized there's a tanyart fic
     with the same title and I felt like a dork - I'm sorry, I'm terrible
     at naming things.
     For a prompt on the SNK kink meme - Jean fucking Eren in a shitty
     black wig and the both of them pretending it makes Eren look like
     Mikasa. Somewhere in my brain it short-circuited with some of my own
     old issues and the result is this.
     Eren will try to make things good for Jean, despite everything. But
     it seems he doesn't need to try too hard, after all.
***** Eren's side *****
"This doesn't look like Mikasa's hair."
Jean winces and blushes.
"Just...go with it. It's the closest I could find."
"We could just..." Eren blushes a little himself. "It's short, but...my hair is
real hair, at least. And it's dark."
Jean looks at him for a long moment, swallows - then shakes his head.
"No. I-it's too short, and - hers is like, ink-black, yours is like very dark
brown, and hers is all flat and thick, yours is thin and a bit m- just put the
thing on, alright? If you still want to do- do the thing, that is."
"Alright, yes, I do."
He puts on the wig, his back to Jean, and eyes himself critically in the
mirror. What Jean said ("Just go with it, the closest I could find") could
apply to the whole of his outfit. Outfit - it's a big word for what he's
wearing.
"Should've gone with the uniform, instead of trying to imitate her civvies," he
mutters to himself.
"Everybody here wears an uniform," Jean points out. "It would defeat the
purpose of dressing up".
"I would be wearing something more than a skirt, at least."
"I don't mind you- Mikasa- I don't think it looks too bad."
Eren shakes his head. He doesn't look like Mikasa - he doesn't even look like
Eren dressing up as Mikasa - he looks like Eren in a skirt and wig.
For starters, he couldn't bring himself to wear anything even resembling the
red scarf. Then, he couldn't find a blouse - he went as far as to try on one,
but his shoulders filled it way too much, he would've stretched it and he
didn't feel like ruining Mikasa's clothes for this.
That left only the skirt - which is an old, consumed thing that Mikasa was
using for rags and Eren recovered as well as he could - that's why it's much
shorter than what Mikasa would find decent. It's his size, at least, but his
legs in it look so out of place - they're too thick and, while he's not all
that hairy, Mikasa is almost completely smooth.
He watches the locks fall on his naked shoulders. The wig doesn't fit him,
either. Aside from the low quality of the hair, fuzzy and messy and with no
shine to it, there's the fact that the color is much too black-blue. It makes
him look sickly and green. Maybe, if his skin was paler, pinker...
Not for the first time, Eren thinks that he looks as different from most people
as Mikasa does.
He catches Jean's face in the mirror - he's looking at him, his face softening,
blushing a little across his nose. Jean, now he looks like something -
disheveled clothes, messy dirt blond locks and chestnut brown underneath, light
hazel eyes, well-sculpted face, long and lanky and elegant. He's so gorgeous,
Jean. He can't fathom why he keeps going for weird-looking people like him and
Mikasa - though he supposes he himself doesn't count, does he, he's just a way
to let off steam.
He wonders if Jean even likes him. It doesn't feel like it, sometimes, while
they're fucking.
Jean grabs his wrist and pulls delicately, and Eren turns to look at him. Jean
leans back on the bed and pats on his legs, and Eren obeys, straddling his
thighs and wrapping his arms loosely around his neck, their eyes level, feeling
the brush of Jean's clothes on the skin of his thighs. Jean brushes a stray
lock of wig hair from Eren's face with a delicate gesture, the tip of his long
fingers dragging ever-so-slightly along the line of Eren's jaw.
He's being so careful, Jean, ever since Eren said yes, keeping the light,
gentle manners he used to present the idea in the first place. He's probably
afraid Eren will change his mind if he goes back at being a prick, but Eren
hates this, hates the fact that Jean is walking on eggshells around him now,
wants Jean to be the loud asshole he fights with so much, wants Jean to fuck
him like they usually do, to grab him and push him and shove him and pull at
his hair - though he guesses he can't, now, considering that it would mean
breaking the spell.
And Jean does look like he's under a spell - there's still that blush on his
face, and his expression is so incredibly soft, kind, awed, shy even. Without
his usual rude smirk or grumpy expression, he looks younger, more open.
He looks gorgeous, too, but Jean always looks gorgeous, we've established this.
"Is it working?" Eren asks, because it doesn't matter how the wig looks to him,
after all. "Can you pretend that...well...you know...I'm pretty?"
There's a part of him that refuses to acknowledge that he's actually so
desperate for Jean that he's dressing up as his sister, because that's a low no
man can easily admit he's reached, so he's compromised with himself - he just
won't say it out loud. If he has, he'll pretend he's dollying himself up like
he would for a special night, putting on a wig because Jean is into wigs in
general. It hurts a little bit less like that. His dignity, he means. His
dignity doesn't hurt as much.
He still feels like he wants to drink himself into a stupor, though.
Jean doesn't seem to have noticed.
"Yes," he says, letting out a shuddering breath. "Yes, you look pretty. Very
pretty."
He licks his lips before leaning forward, and the first kiss is delicate, but
Eren still feels it in his bones and in the pit of his stomach, like a low
burn, like the embers that still glow red between the ashes in the stove in the
early morning hours of a long winter night.
Eren sighs, and Jean sighs with him, their breaths mingling, and then kisses
him again. His hands wrap carefully on Eren's hips as he leans forward slightly
and licks along the seam of Eren's lips.
Eren whines and Jean pushes his tongue further, deepening the kiss, and his
fingers tighten around Eren slightly - Eren thinks he's enjoying the feeling of
his hips, he's as fleshy there as Mikasa, if not more - and Eren tightens his
hold on Jean's neck and answers the kiss, moaning into it, even.
He thinks he's not being a very good Mikasa - he can't imagine her being this
pliant and responsive, moaning and sighing just with a little bit of making out
- but then again, it's not like he's been giving the idea lots of thought. He
probably should have, in order to pretend better, but he seriously can't bring
himself to think of Mikasa like that. Jean doesn't seem to have noticed that,
either, anyway.
Maybe Jean's fantasy Mikasa is like this, sensitive and responsive. That would
make sense. Who knows, maybe Mikasa is like this. Jean has had more partners
than Eren (which is not difficult, since Eren's partners list comprises of
exactly one voice, Kirstchein, Jean), and he had sex with women, too, so maybe
he knows something Eren doesn't. Eren can't imagine Mikasa's thighs trembling
like his own are, in a way that Jean must feel since they're pressed so close,
he can't imagine her whimpering the way he does when Jean nibbles on his bottom
lip - but he also wouldn't have been able to imagine Jean playfully nibbling,
or being capable of sliding his hands on his body with only the right amount of
pressure to leave goosebumps in his wake - and he wouldn't have imagined
himself being able to go to such ridiculous lengths just to bask more in
fucking Jean Kirstchein's fucking charms, and yet, here they are.
Still, Eren feels like he isn't doing much to help Jean, here, and there's that
usual stubborn part of him that wants to do right by everybody, and he has to
at least try.
"Do you want me to face the other way?" he asks, breaking the kiss.
He wonders if he should try to make his voice high-pitched or something, but
that would be a bit too much.
"Hn?"
Jean still looks relaxed, slightly dazed, awed - fascinated, Eren suddenly
thinks. He's fascinated by him, and even if it's just because of the dumb wig,
the thought still gives Eren a weird feeling in his stomach.
"You know, to..." one of Jean's knees slides up and his clothed thigh presses
more firmly between Eren's legs, on the naked skin under the skirt, and the
rest comes out in a breathy stutter "...to help maintain the illusion."
Jean blinks at him a couple times, like he can't quite remember what Eren is
talking about for a long moment - then, he smiles, kind and brilliant.
"Nah. Mikasa has killer abs too, isn't it?"
You think I have killer abs? Eren almost asks, but Jean is already kissing him
again.
Eren tightens his arms around his neck again, until they're pressed together -
like this, he can feel the shift of muscles in his neck and shoulders - Jean is
so close that he can smell his skin, and his kisses tonight are breathtaking -
was he always able to kiss like this? Was he saving it for Mikasa? She would
have been one lucky girl.
Jean breaks the kiss and Eren sighs, but then one of Jean's hands comes up to
brush hair from Eren's face again, again with that delicacy, and Eren has to
wonder why he keeps doing that - shouldn't he use the hair to cover Eren's
face? Him and Mikasa might look like each other, slightly, in the dark, from
behind, if Eren wears a wig - but their faces are completely different.
Jean brushes his thumb along the line of Eren's bottom lip.
"Look at you. Damn." Jean's eyes keep on flickering on Eren's face, from his
lips to his eyes to his nose. "I can't believe you're actually here, doing this
with me."
Eren can feel his cheeks blushing brightly, can feel familiar pinpricks at the
corners of his eyes - fuck, he knows he cries easily, but this is fucking
ridiculous - he closes his eyes and tries to reign in his breath.
Jean presses a little kiss to his cheek, to the line of his jaw. His hand
flutters along Eren's neck, to his chest, sliding down quickly - he's probably
avoiding his non-existent breasts - it brushes along his hips again, on his
knee, and then Jean takes away his hand, and Eren hears the noise of him
sucking on his fingers before they resume their travel - whispering along the
hem of his skirt - avoid Eren's half-hard dick - he probably looks so dumb,
with the boner rising his skirt, but Jean doesn't seem - there's a lot of
things that should ruin this for Jean that Jean doesn't give a fuck about,
isn't that weird? - and then under the skirt itself - and then they pause.
"No underwear?" He sounds faintly amused.
Eren licks his lip. "I- didn't have any that wouldn't peek from under the
skirt, and- ah!"
Jean slides his fingers further up - and the whole of Eren's body is shivering.
He's suddenly feeling so fucking self-conscious, he doesn't think he's ever
been so shy in his life.
Jean makes a surprised noise as he meets the oil on Eren's thighs - his fingers
get to Eren's hole, brush against it kindly, tentatively, like he's testing out
something, which is probably what he's doing.
"Did you..."
Jean sounds surprised, but also - his breath is short and his voice is almost a
grunt, and Eren thinks it was worth it, to prepare himself hastily in the
bathroom, just after wearing the skirt, with his fingers that felt so much
clumsier and rougher than Jean's.
He gathers himself enough to nod, even if he's still feeling shy, and he's
keeping his eyes shut.
"Fuck. You did it for me? So that I would...so that I could..."
Eren nods again, with a little more conviction - it seemed such an obvious
detail - how could Jean keep up the illusion of fucking a girl if he was as dry
as summer down there? but Jean is reacting like this is the nicest thing
anybody ever did for him, which is kind of endearing but also kind of stupid
because seriously, Eren saved his life like three times the other week and he
didn't get such a reaction out of him.
But then again, who cares, when Jean lets out a long exhale and starts to oh
yes his fingers are definitely better, whoah, maybe it's because they're
longer? or maybe it's because Jean is also raining little kisses on his face
in-between whispering sweet dirty nothings in his ear, which is something Eren
very well can't do on his own.
"So hot. So fucking hot for me, you look incredible, you feel incredible around
my fingers...got yourself all wet for me...so sweet, so hot...oh, you kill me,
you fucking kill me..."
"Jean!" and look, his voice has gone all high-pitched all on its own.
"Yes, yes, come on, come on...D'ya want to suck my cock, pretty? Please?"
His voice breaks, and Eren thinks that if they were doing it as usual, he would
answer that with a punch - that if he was really Mikasa, he would just stand up
and walk away - but he feels like he's being neither, like he's being something
in-between that doesn't exist anywhere except Jean's fantasies, and if in
Jean's fantasies he gets sucked off whenever he asks, then Eren will suck him
off.
He slides on Jean's legs, while Jean leans with his back against the bed frame.
He undoes Jean's trousers, and wow, Jean is very hard - the dumb wig must be
working much better for him than it does for Eren.
He gives his cock a tentative lick and looks up at him - he doesn't have much
experience with blowjobs, but if he spies Jean's reactions he can usually guess
what he's doing right.
But, Jean smiles down at him, brushes his hair away from his face again with
that kindness - he looks at him like he's this precious, fragile thing and Eren
bats his eyes a couple times but he can't help it, waterworks open, so he shuts
his eyes again to keep them in.
"No, look at me...look at me, come on, I don't like it with your eyes
closed..."
Eren doesn't answer - he just puts the tip of Jean's cock in his mouth and
sucks, hears him whine and his voice break and the way his breath stutters -
but Jean doesn't give up on this.
"Come on, I love your eyes...never met somebody that had eyes like yours, you
know? Blue-green, such a beautiful color..."
And Eren's eyes flip open in surprise, because Mikasa's eyes are black. Ink-
black, like her hair.
Maybe he should say something about this - but Jean is looking at him in that
way again and Eren can feel his heart breaking in his chest so he says nothing,
he just keeps eye contact and starts bobbing his head up and down and Jean
bites his lip and grits his teeth and whines and tells him he's beautiful, so
fucking beautiful.
He's not sure what to do. Mikasa would probably - he doesn't want to think of
Mikasa, when he does his stomach constricts like it's been punched.
He stops to slide his mouth back to Jean's, and he was expecting Jean to
protest, but it doesn't happen - what happens instead is that Jean was eagerly
waiting for his mouth on his own again, apparently, and he worries at his lip,
nibbles, sucks, and keeps on kissing him like Jean has been starving for months
and Eren is a feast, even as he grabs Eren's hips and lines himself up with
Eren's hole and starts pushing down on his hips to make him sit down.
Eren's mouth opens in a long exhale and his hands move to dig in the fabric on
Jean's shoulders, his head falling back, because Jean makes him take it all in
with one smooth push and maybe this is how you do it with girls but it might be
a bit much for Eren, it makes his back arch and his body shudder and the tears
that have been gathering in his eyes fall out.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Does it hurt? I'm sorry!"
"No, it's...give me...a minute."
"Of course, all the time you want, I..." Jean presses kisses to his forehead,
on the corners of his closed eyes. "Fuck, don't cry...I can't stand it when you
cry..."
And this, somehow, makes Eren want to cry even more - he sobs, and he - before
he can think about it, he's standing up on his knees, letting Jean slide out of
him - Jean still has his hands on his hips, and they tighten slightly in
surprise, but then open, and Eren could easily get out of his grasp, and this,
too, is different from usual, this, too, makes him want to cry.
"Eren?" he asks, so, so kindly.
"I can't," he says.
"You...can't..."
"I feel stupid. With this fucking thing-" and then he stops talking because he
went to take off his wig, except that apparently he isn't wearing one.
He blinks stupidly a couple time and turns around - there, on the bed, there's
the wig, abandoned, and who knows when exactly it fell off. He turns back
towards Jean, who's looking to the side, biting his lip nervously, red and
disheveled and hot, his eyes shiny like he, too, wants to cry - and, finally,
it clicks - no need to turn around, and wanting to see his face, and blue-green
eyes, and - Eren can be dense, but nobody is quite that dense.
He grabs Jean's chin to make him turn back towards him, and kisses him, long
and hard, before sliding down on him, taking him in again.
Jean moans, almost sobs, and Eren wraps his arms around his neck tight again
and rides Jean, up and down, slowly at first, still adjusting, still looking
for a good angle - but then he does find it, and a good rhythm, and Jean moves
his arms around Eren's waist and squeezes, kisses Eren again, slow, before
starting again to whisper in his ear.
"So beautiful, so very beautiful...beautiful eyes, beautiful skin...ah, yes,
like this, you're so good, so beautiful, so perfect...you drive me crazy
sometimes, you make me do such stupid shit..."
They're pressed so tight Jean's clothes are brushing against his erection on
every movement, and Eren feels very close already, just with that and Jean
fucking him and he digs his blunt nails in the fabric of Jean's shirt and
bunches it up.
Jean reacts with a little whine - he seems to be fighting against the urge to
close his eyes to keep looking at Eren, and Eren finds this so sweet -
everything about Jean tonight is so sweet, and it's not on Mikasa that he's
being sweet, and Eren feels like laughing and feels like marking the day down
on his calendar.
"Be like this more often," he orders.
"Yes," Jean answers, and lets out a long, stuttering sigh, and looks at him
like he's the most beautiful thing that ever happened. "Yes, everything you
want, Eren."
In the morning, the skirt gets discreetly returned to Mikasa's rag pile, and
the wig gets thrown in the stove, and then Eren comes back to finish sleeping
next to Jean.
***** Jean's side *****
Chapter Summary
     I changed the title because I've just realized there's a tanyart fic
     with the same title and I felt like a dork - I'm sorry, I'm terrible
     at naming things.
     Also I wanted to post more stuff but I need a minute to digest the
     latest happenings. So for now, have this, the infamous Jean's POV of
     that one fic. Not entirely happy with how it came out but I'm never
     happy with how stuff comes out, to be honest. It's ridic mushy, I
     think as a reaction to chapter 53, which, as we all know, came from
     the maws of Satan himself. Plus Jean is just mushy, in this fic.
     ---
"This doesn't look like Mikasa's hair."
Jean winces and blushes. Yeah, Eren, he knows he doesn't - thank you very much
- but he was on the shoestring budget of a Scouting Legion recruit, and he had
to sneak away from the squad that was in town for supplies during five minutes
of distraction to buy it, since he had no way to explain reasonably his sudden
need for black wigs, and he was sure that if he gave Eren more than a day or
two to mull over the idea he'll change his mind - it's a miracle he said yes at
all - so all in all, Jean thinks he did more than fine.
"Just...go with it. It's the closest I could find."
"We could just..." Eren blushes a little himself. "It's short, but...my hair is
real hair, at least. And it's dark."
Jean swallows.
See. Thing is. Two things, actually.
First one: it's not like the wig could really help pretend Eren is Mikasa -
even if it was the best wig ever made, that would require a level of suspension
of disbelief Jean cannot quite achieve. But. Admitting that would be admitting
that it was a stupid idea, and Jean can't do that, because it was his idea. Or,
to put it better, he vocalized something that he can't quite take back.
Look. He really likes blowjobs, alright, who doesn't, and Eren has a natural
talent for them, and seeing Eren down there, all eager red mouth and bobbing
head of black hair, had pushed in his head the memory of a fantasy - one
involving Mikasa, and therefore an old, web-covered one, since lately all of
his desire has been embarrassingly Eren-centric, but one of the hottest ones
nonetheless - and so, when they were just done, sweat cooling on their bodies,
he had said something to the effect of how Eren could look like Mikasa if he
dressed up a bit and wouldn't that be hot, because his brain was still leaking
from his ears and he had no filter at all.
Half a second after expressing the concept, he cringed, fully expecting Eren to
punch him, and with good reason - god knows Jean would have punched Eren were
their roles reversed - but Eren said yes and after that Jean couldn't take it
back without upsetting Eren, making him convinced that Jean came up with the
whole elaborated plan just to be an asshole to him, and so Jean has to keep up
the pretense at least for a while.
And that's for thing number one.
Thing number two is...well...let's put it this way: they're usually at least
halfway through the whole thing before Eren even starts to maybe consider the
hypothesis of not reacting to everything that Jean does with a 'fuck you' and a
punch. The very few times he tried to take things a bit slower Eren always
puffed and snorted and forced his hand to make it fast and violent, and Jean
was convinced this is what he wanted, just a quick, angry get off with somebody
he didn't really care about, and then both back on their merry ways. But he
accepted to do this, and - somehow - it shifted the air, ever so slightly, but
enough that tonight, Eren just...does the things that Jean asks.
Alright, it's not like he doesn't like it the other way, the whole battling his
way to the prize, because he loves it - and honestly, he'll have Eren in a pool
of mud with Titans cheering on them if that's the only way to have him - but
he's more naturally inclined to being sweet and tender and cherishing, and,
well. Eren deserves it, to have people cherish him. It's just that he never
allows people to do it, but...Maybe he will, if Jean makes it good, if he shows
him there's no need to be always so defensive and belligerent, that slow and
kind can be nice, too.
But to do that, he has to keep on the pretense for a little bit longer, at
least until he's got Eren relaxed and sated enough - because pushing it too
fast or too forward or in the wrong direction, with Eren, means risking a limb.
Sometimes dealing with Eren feels like taming some wild animal, really - Eren's
lucky Jean likes himself a challenge.
"No. I-it's too short, and - hers is like, ink-black, yours is like very dark
brown, and hers is all flat and thick, yours is thin and a bit m-" alright Jean
you know an uncomfortable level of details about everybody's hair change the
subject you creep "-just put the thing on, alright? If you still want to do- do
the thing, that is."
"Alright, yes, I do."
Eren puts on the wig. He doesn't look like Mikasa - hell, he doesn't even look
like a girl, but still, Jean thinks he looks fine - the way the skirt
emphasizes the flare of his hips and the strength of his legs and the roundness
of his ass, and how the length of the wig's hair calls attention on his
shoulders, that have been filling up, lately, squared and wide, and the black-
blue makes his eyes wider and greener.
Then again, when you look like Eren you can dress in anything and look amazing.
Fuck, look at that wide back, look at those arms, look at that chest, look at
those abs...at how his face looks intensely dissatisfied.
"Should've gone with the uniform, instead of trying to imitate her civvies."
"Everybody here wears an uniform. It would defeat the purpose of dressing up."
Plus it's kind of very hot that you're willing to put on a skirt and a shitty
wig for me, Jean doesn't add.
"I would be wearing something more than a skirt, at least."
"I don't mind you- Mikasa- I don't think it looks too bad."
It really, really doesn't, but Eren still doesn't look reassured at all. He's
so nervous, tonight, Eren, shy, even. That's adorable, and it's adorable that
he's still going through with it despite his doubts - let's face it, adorable
doesn't even cover it, it's nothing short of a miracle - another one. It makes
Jean want to die, to know what Eren is willing to do for him, after all, under
all the riotous, assholish attitude and the insults and the punches. He tried
to keep up the idea of superimposing Mikasa's face on Eren for like, ten
seconds, just as a form of honoring his word, but the more he tries the more
Eren is Eren and Jean can't help it, his mind is just filled with him, Eren
Eren Eren, and so be it.
He grabs him by the wrist and pats his legs, and Eren obeys - holy shit, Eren
obeys, those two words, oh fuck.
He observes Eren's face up close, basks in the heat of his body, brushes hair
off his face, follows the line of his jaw with the tips of his fingers.
Honestly, he's just...enjoying Eren, reveling in him, in the closeness and
softness that he's allowing him.
"Is it working?" Eren asks, and he's chewing on his lip and avoiding his eyes,
still obviously unsure about the way he looks. "Can you pretend
that...well...you know...I'm pretty?"
See, that, right there, is the crux of the problem.
If he had the guts, Jean could just say, "you're beautiful, you always are, it
requires no pretending - I'd rather be with you once than with Mikasa a
thousand times. Now let me shower you in slow and passionate sex, idiot."
But - Jean doesn't have them guts, and even if he did, Eren would just think
he's being ridiculous, or that he's mocking him, or some other thing that will
magically translate the plain kind words Jean's speaking into some incredibly
hurtful thing in Eren's specific language, because Eren is a volatile creature,
and Jean isn't very smooth in the best case scenario, and he doesn't even know
how it got this far without either of them destroying this tiny moment and
turning it into another brief and breathtaking romp in the hay.
So he just says something that will probably be acceptable at this point in
time:
"Yes. Yes, you look pretty. Very pretty."
And then he kisses him, because that's a language they have in common, tonight.
He kisses him, slowly, carefully, tenderly, and then breaks the kiss and feels
Eren sigh and sighs with him, and then they kiss again - Eren just accepts
whatever Jean does, delicious and pliant and sweet, and Jean wants him bad, so
bad, but he also wants to take it so slow it never stops. He urges the kiss to
become deeper, but always kindly, and Eren just goes slack against him, in this
way he's never felt from him before.
He digs his fingers in the curve of his hips under the skirt, feeling the way
his muscles are relaxing, tensing and then letting go under the padding of
round sides, and basks in the knowledge that it's because of himself, Jean made
him melt like this, just with his kisses.
He wonders if Mikasa would be like this. Probably not - and for the first time
in his life he considers himself lucky that Mikasa always refused him. She
would be cold, maybe, taking a lot of time to melt down and let herself go, and
Jean can respect that, but - even when he's being violent and cruel, Eren is
always there, fully, willing to give himself completely so easily, and Jean
adores that, adores being with somebody who's so sensual and present and
responsive and alive, quivering in his arms - it makes him want to ravish him.
He nibbles on his bottom lip and drinks in the little whimper Eren lets out at
this, whispers the tips of his fingers along Eren's back just to feel him
shiver slightly - oh god he wants him so bad he's going to fucking explode.
Eren breaks the kiss to say something, but Jean's mind is still so busy with
oh, Eren that it takes a moment to understand that he's asking if he should
turn around - and even when Jean does understand it doesn't make a whole lot of
sense, so he reacts with a questioning noise.
He looks at Eren and oh fuck he looks so shy, and so sweet, and so pretty, and
when he starts talking again, he bends his leg to push it further in the heat
between Eren's thighs, just for the pleasure of hearing his voice catch and
stutter.
And then he puts together the meaning behind what Eren is saying and oh, he
thinks they're still doing the Mikasa thing? But of course he does, Jean
realizes, a bit bitter - he wouldn't be like this if he wasn't pretending to be
somebody he's not, would he? Eren-as-Eren would never waste his time letting
himself be wooed by Jean, would he.
Alright, then, let's keep it up, if it keeps Eren nice and kind and perfect as
he's been so far - god, he really is desperate for him, isn't it.
"Nah. Mikasa has killer abs too, isn't it?"
Eren looks at him in surprise for a split second, almost like he wants to ask
something, but Jean just wants to kiss him and so he does.
He kisses him with all he has, puts in it all the things he can't say about how
Eren is beautiful and sweet and kind, and how he doesn't need to always be
strong and tough around him, how Jean doesn't mind it when he's weak -
strangely enough, this is similar to how he always imagined himself kissing
Mikasa, but it feels so much more right with Eren.
He breaks the kiss because he wants to look at him, make sure it's truly Eren
he's kissing - Eren sighs and looks at him, those blue-green eyes so close he
can count the single eyelashes around them - he combs away another lock of hair
to have an unimpeded view of that face, brushes his thumb against the curve of
his full bottom lip. That is the mouth he's kissing. What the hell, how did he
even land himself such a beauty.
"Look at you. Damn. I can't believe you're actually here, doing this with me."
Eren blushes brightly, and his eyes go wide for a moment before he flutters
them closed, his long eyelashes sprawling against the line of his lower eyelid
-holy shit, is it even normal for a gesture so fucking mundane to look so
perfect - what the fuck, he's just been seduced by Eren closing his eyes. He's
done, stick a fork in him.
He wants to touch him, to ravish him, to jump him, to kiss him, but at the same
time he doesn't want to destroy the atmosphere - he presses reverential kisses
on Eren's face, his hands brush all over his body, begging for Eren's skin but
unsure of where to go, of how to touch him without upsetting one of Eren's
infinite berserk buttons, just like he doesn't know how to say the things he
wants to say without scaring him off or turning it into a joke.
He takes a deep breath, lets his hands wander and - he wants under his skirt.
He wants his heat down there, he wants...he wants to make him mewl with his
fingers, he wants to watch him come undone a little bit more.
He puts his fingers in his mouth before starting - he's not in any rush, he
wants to build up to it, he wants to make Eren shiver in anticipation - which
Eren does, dutifully, because tonight he's just decided he's going to go and be
perfect. He teases a little more before sliding his hand up, slowly, waiting to
meet the linen of army-issue underwear, but there's nothing but that heathed,
taut skin, slightly sweaty.
Eren is going commando? Isn't he a little bit too shy for that?
"No underwear?"
Eren licks his lip. "I- didn't have any that wouldn't peek from under the
skirt, and- ah!"
So he's doing it because he didn't want to ruin it for Jean, that's so
adorable, what the hell...but he's still so shy, judging by how he's shivering
- which is weird, they did this other times, never like this, but - and then he
realizes that he's meeting warm oil on Eren's thighs, and when he reaches his
hole, he...is he...
"Did you...?"
Eren nods, his eyes still closed, blushing bright.
Oh, fuck.
"Fuck. You did it for me? So that I would...so that I could..."
Eren nods again, and Jean just about dies - what the hell, who knew he could be
so cute? How could Jean want to pretend to be with somebody else when Eren is
like this? What the fuck? Jean is a piece of shit for even proposing something
like this to him, and he would have liked to be there - he bets Eren was so
beautiful as he prepared himself, his legs spread - did he do it while he was
in the bathroom? Oh fuck, he did, didn't he, this is why he took so long.
His fingers slide inside Eren easily, but he's as tight and hot as he usually
is and he wants him so badly, he aches for him - Eren's head tilts backwards as
he arches against him and his wig falls off, and Jean grabs it and throws it
aside before Eren can readjust it because Eren looks so much better like this,
with nothing impeding the view of his face, his messy dark-brown hair sticking
every which way, his shoulders and neck tensing and relaxing as Jean works him
the way he knows drives him crazy, and he can't help but press kisses on his
beautiful face, whisper in his ear like a prayer, even if it risks making Eren
realize what's going on and destroying the little miracle Jean managed.
"So hot. So fucking hot for me, you look incredible, you feel incredible around
my fingers...got yourself all wet for me...so sweet, so hot...oh, you kill me,
you fucking kill me..."
"Jean!"
Eren's voice is sweet, hot, heartbreaking, and his mouth is plump with kisses
and Eren is biting his lip, probably not even realizing he's doing it, and Jean
wants that mouth on his dick and Eren is being so pliant, so nice, and Jean
wants him wants him wants him...
"Yes, yes, come on, come on...D'ya want to suck my cock, pretty? Please?"
Eren's eyes flip open and he looks at Jean for a long, dazed moment, still
biting his lip, and Jean is sure he's done it, it's over, Eren will punch him
and - but then Eren slides along his body and this is another fucking miracle
in a night full of miracles.
Eren's fingers tremble as he undoes his trousers, and in some less dazed part
of himself Jean realizes that Eren has been shivering and blushing a lot
tonight, that he's never seen him so shy, so weak, and it's probably wrong to
enjoy it so much but he loves it, the way Eren is showing him this hidden side,
even if he's doing it just because he thinks that's how Jean thinks Mikasa
would be, even if it all just a front - but then again, how much of a front can
it be? He doesn't know Eren to be a good actor, and then Eren is licking his
dick, and Jean's upper brain functions shut down.
He brushes a stray lock of hair from Eren's face again because those eyes,
those eyes looking up at him with that cautious expression he has when he's
spying his face, when he wants to know if he's doing things right, it's
amazing, he loves that.
And then Eren closes his eyes and while he's again doing the whole sexy-
fanning-eyelashes thing (does he know he's doing that? Is it a normal thing to
be so fascinated by it? Or is Jean totally fucking insane? No, don't answer
that) he wants those eyes on him again, he wants to know Eren is looking at him
and him alone just like Jean is looking at him and him alone and also Eren just
has these really pretty eyes, alright, it's a thing, he's not even the first
one to notice, and he knows he should probably keep it to himself, but he can't
stop his mouth, he started sweet-talking Eren before and now he can't stop.
"No, look at me...look at me, come on, I don't like it with your eyes
closed..."
Eren takes him in deeper, and it becomes even harder to think, his whole body
feels enveloped in heath and softness and his own breath hitches - but he
misses those eyes still, he misses them so badly...
"Come on, I love your eyes...never met somebody that had eyes like yours, you
know? Blue-green, such a beautiful color..."
And finally, here they are, wide and gorgeous, and then Eren takes more of him
in his mouth and starts bobbing his head up and down and Jean just goes fucking
crazy, starts blabbering some nonsensical sweet-talk. Oh fuck he wants him, he
really does.
He's so enamoured that when Eren stops blowing him to crawl back on him and
kiss him again all that Jean can think is that he's so fucking lucky, and so
fucking okay with whatever Eren wants to say or do, and he's never ever asking
anything of him again except exist in my same space-time continuum and
sometimes fuck me, except he feels Eren's hot thighs wrapped around his waist
again only now his dick is out and he wants that heat he felt on his fingers
and he feels greedy again, now, he wants to ask things again, now.
He kisses him, teases his mouth with his own, that perfect mouth that matches
perfect eyes and perfect body, and Eren melts against him again - he feels his
arms squeezing him, and he puts his hands on his hips and guides him to take
him in, and he isn't expecting Eren to be so pliant but he is so what happens
is that he pushes maybe a little too hard and Eren just. Sits down on his dick
what the hell he's going to die this feels too good to be real...
...except he feels Eren's long exhale against his mouth and the way his fingers
bunch in the shoulders of his uniform and Jean's eyes flip open and Eren is
crying, oh fuck, Jean is such a massive bastard, so greedy and selfish and
impatient, and he was complaining about Eren being incapable of being sweet
without a wig but maybe it's Jean the one who can only be nice to Eren if
there's some elaborated pretend game behind, isn't it?
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Does it hurt? I'm sorry!"
"No, it's...give me...a minute."
"Of course, all the time you want, I..." Jean presses kisses to his forehead,
on the corners of his closed eyes, tastes the tears that are still sliding out
and feels like he wants to cry himself a little bit. "Fuck, don't cry...I can't
stand it when you cry..."
Eren lets out a little sob and motions to stand up and for a moment Jean has an
ugly instinct of holding him down because damn does he feel good, but of course
he can't, of course he finally managed to upset him and now all he can do is
accept that he fucked up again.
"Eren?" he asks, hoping he doesn't sound as heartbroken as he feels - he's
supposed to treat this as a little experiment that went wrong, after all.
"I can't," is Eren's answer - Jean's stomach sinks.
What is it that he can't? He can't take Jean being so nice to him, or he can't
keep on pretending he's not realized how hard Jean has fell for him, or he
can't...
"You...can't..."
"I feel stupid. With this fucking thing-" and then he stops talking because he
seems surprised at finding the top of his own head.
Jean turns his head to the side. Of course. The wig. He hasn't realized a thing
- he thinks they're just fooling around as usual, he's probably tired of Jean
being such a softie, maybe he just can't take it when Jean is being so weird.
Maybe he's scared by Jean being a creeper. Or maybe Jean did inadvertently hurt
him and it broke the fiction for him. Whatever it was - it's just stupid, the
way Jean has been going around this - fuck, Eren is going to laugh at him now,
tell him he's fucking ridiculous for even thinking...
And then Eren grabs his chin and makes him look at him and kisses him, hard,
pushy and passionate like he's usually, and - Jean isn't really understanding
anything anymore, but Eren presses his face in the crook of his neck and slides
down on him again and maybe Jean is okay with not understanding anything
anymore, who the hell cares.
He lets out a most embarrassing sound and Eren is hugging him tight again and
Jean can feel he's trying to find what's good for him and just lets him figure
out, basking in it even a little - Eren riding him, so good, Jean would accept
horse jokes much easily if they lead to this happening more often - until Eren
shivers and throws his head back, and then Jean wraps his arms around his waist
and kisses him again, and finds his ear and lets the sweet talk bubble out of
him, not controlling it at all, not caring.
Eren fists the shoulders of his uniform again, and Jean whines, delighted by
how much this is affecting Eren, too, and fights against the urge to close his
eyes to look at Eren's gorgeous, gorgeous face, because Eren is beautiful
always, but especially so when he just lets go - and then Eren catches his eyes
and smiles like he's sharing a secret and Jean can't breathe.
"Be like this more often," Eren says.
"Yes," Jean answers, sighing like a fucking girl in a romance novel because he
is done, he will throw himself in the fucking fire if Eren asks him - "yes,
everything you want, Eren."
In the early hours of the morning, Jean wakes up to Eren sliding out of his
bed. For a long moment, he panics - but just when he's resolved to go and find
Eren and beg him to come back please he'll just make things back to the way
they were before, Eren sneaks back in the room and Jean closes his eyes and
pretends he never woke up. When he opens his eyes Eren is already almost asleep
again, and his eyes are closed and doing the whole sexy-fan-thing and Jean
sighs, because his approach of trying to tame Eren was stupid, when the one who
has been tamed is, very obviously, himself.
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