Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2137152.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Relationship:
      Sam_Winchester/Dean_Winchester, Sam_Winchester/Female_Character
  Character:
      Sam_Winchester, Dean_Winchester, John_Winchester, Other_Female_Character
  Additional Tags:
      Wincest_-_Freeform, Weecest, Angst
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-08-14 Chapters: 1/? Words: 6898
****** Take A Little Piece Of My Heart ******
by ilovejared
Summary
     This is the story of how Sam and Dean’s relationship began and
     evolved. Written for a very special person following her prompt. It
     follows some series aspects but is AU in others.
Notes
     Please forgive the format. I moved it from another site and it will
     not let me change the spacing. SORRY!
May 28, 1998. It was a date that was seared into Dean Winchester’s brain. A
date that his world took a turn into unknown territory. It was the day he began
to realize he was falling in love.
They had been in some little podunk town in Northern Wisconsin for almost 2
months now. They had come here because they had information that a Wendigo was
snacking on the locals. Dad had ended up chasing it across the border into
Minnesota and after ganking it had found another job. A haunting somewhere even
further north. The job was taking a lot longer than expected so they had
decided that Sam and Dean would stay here so Sam could finish out the school
year. That had at least coaxed a ghost of a smile from Sam and he had actually
hugged Dad when he left which was a frigging miracle these days.
Dean had taken a job on a construction crew for the duration of their stay but
that had ended 3 days ago. They were staying in one of those rent by the week
joints and Dean was ready to climb the walls. Today, thank god, was the last
day of school and tomorrow he and Sam would be heading out to meet up with Dad.
One could only read, surf and watch so much porn.
“Sam! Are you ready to go? I want to get pancakes at that diner down the street
before I drop you at school.”
“Can you just drop me first? I don’t want to be late”. Sam stepped out of the
bathroom buttoning a plaid flannel shirt over the t-shirt underneath.
“Dude, it’s the last day of school. Who cares?”
Sam threw his older brother an exasperated look. “I do, Dean. The pancakes
aren’t going anywhere.”
He turned his back on Dean and looked at himself in the mirror. What he saw
didn’t exactly please him. He looked like a frigging beanpole, all long arms
and legs. He had tried in vain to add some muscle to his 6’2” frame but nothing
he did seemed to work. He thought his mouth was too wide, his nose was too big
and his hair was shaggy because he hadn’t had a haircut in a while. Dean had
offered to trim it but he’d turned him down flat. He wasn’t 6 years old anymore
and was not going to let Dean anywhere near his head with a sharp object. He
had learned his lesson when Dean had thought that cutting a bald spot into the
back of his hair would make a great 10th birthday present.
Watching the expressions on Sam’s face was like reading an open book. Sam was a
pro at hiding his feelings but sometimes Dean would catch him unaware and then
he could decipher what was going on in his little brother’s freaky head. Right
now Sam was cataloging every physical flaw he could find which, in Sam’s mind,
comprised a list a mile long. The kid just didn’t get it. He didn’t see the
female eyes that followed his tall, lanky frame when he walked into a
restaurant or just down the street. Dean, ever attuned to the female
population, didn’t mind sharing the attention. In fact, it made him feel sort
of proud. The fact that he was taller than Dean(not by much, mind you) seemed
to escape his notice. Or maybe it didn’t, because he had started hunching his
shoulders now, unconsciously trying to not draw attention to himself. He was
lean and wiry and once he stopped growing taller he would definitely be able to
bulk up some. Meanwhile, he moved with an innate grace that drew female
attention and Dean’s, especially when he was having to spar with him during
their martial arts training time. Just last night, Dean had thought their
waitress at the diner was going to jump him right there in the booth. Sam had
asked for some sort of fruit and the waitress, Rachel, had said they were out.
Sam had looked up at her and flashed a smile filled with white teeth and
dimples and Dean was sure the poor woman was going to trip over herself to try
and find what ever it was that Sammy wanted. And if he had wanted her, she
would have been on the menu too.
Sam, as usual, had been oblivious. Just as he was blind to the fact that, right
now, his brother was giving him the once over.
Sighing, Sam turned from the mirror and shrugged into his jacket. It was still
chilly here, even at the end of May and the nights were still downright cold.
He grabbed his backpack and slung it over one shoulder. “Come on, Dean. Let’s
get going.
“You need to eat, Sam.” He went to the little kitchenette and rummaged in a box
on the counter. He extracted a granola bar and threw it across the room to Sam
who caught it deftly in his hand. “At least have one of your nuts and twigs
bars. I don’t know how you even chew that stuff.” Dean clutched his throat,
making gagging noises and rolling his eyes.
Sam grinned and it was like the sun coming out from behind the clouds on a
particularly gloomy day. Dean thought, mission accomplished. He could always
make Sammy smile when he put his mind to it.
The drive to the high school took only 10 minutes. Dean didn’t know how to
broach what was on his mind and, in typical Dean fashion, decided to not beat
around the bush.
“You know , Sammy, we could go ahead and leave right after school. Get an early
start and we could probably meet up with Dad by tomorrow afternoon.”
Sam choked on the dry granola and swallowed heavily. “Dean! I told you that I’m
going to a party tonight. I told you that 3 weeks ago.” His voice seemed to go
up a full octave by the time he got out the last word.
“Okay, okay. Simmer down. It was just an idea.” Dean pulled up into the front
of the school and turned to look at Sam. “I mean you’re not going to ever see
these people again. What’s the big deal?”
Shaking his head, Sam opened the passenger door and got out. He leaned back in
and looked at Dean with an odd expression. “You know, Dean, to be so smart you
sure are stupid sometimes.” It looked like he was going to say something else
but instead he slammed the impala’s door and walked away. Hand in pockets,
shoulders hunched and leaving Dean feeling like he’d just kicked a puppy or
something.
Dammit, he knew Sam wanted to just be a normal kid. But why prolong the
inevitable? They would be leaving tomorrow and Haley’s Bend, Wisconsin would
just be another small town to forget. They all seemed to run together.
The problem was he wasn’t stupid. He watched his little brother trudge up the
steps to the front door and he wished more than anything he could give Sam the
one thing he could never have. A normal life.
 
Dean spent the day cleaning up their little room and packing up their few
belongings so they would be ready to get an early start. He even did laundry
which he hated with a passion. They only did laundry when absolutely necessary
and it was past necessary at this point. He was pulling things out of the
little closet and it was at the back of Sam’s side that he found it. Hanging in
the back, behind one of his old jackets was a new shirt. It looked like a rugby
shirt. Dark blue and light blue stripes with a big white 14 on it. What the
hell? It had to be Sam’s but it wasn’t plaid and Sam had a serious love affair
going with plaid. And new jeans. Where the hell did this come from? And then it
dawned on him.
The nights studying late at the library. The moodiness. The sudden urgency to
put on muscle. The party.
Holy shit. Sammy had a girl.
How long had this been going on and, more importantly, was he banging her?
He had quite a few questions for his baby brother when he picked him up this
afternoon. It was 3 already. School let out at 3:30. If he left now, he could
get there and park across the street and catch Sam as he was coming out. Maybe
he could catch a glimpse of the mystery girl.
10 minutes later he was parked across the street from the school entrance with
the Scorpion’s “No One Like You” blaring from the impala’s speakers. While he
waited, he thought back to this morning and the way Sam had looked at himself
in the mirror. Sam was a smart kid but he was totally unaware that he was what
the girls would call “hot”. Dean would say handsome even. Those eyes of his
were enough to cause anybody’s heart rate to speed up. They weren’t brown or
green but an interesting mix of the two. They actually changed color depending
on his mood like one of those rings they used to have back in the 70’s. And
when he smiled, they just lit up with…..
His eyes? He sounded like some chick mooning over Sam. He was a ladies man.
He’d enjoyed himself with enough girls to know that. He’d never even thought
about a guy that way.
Dean was spared further introspection when he saw Sam walk down the steps hand
in hand with a petite brunette. She barely came to his shoulder. She was cute
and curvy and her long brown hair fell, bouncing and curling, almost to her
waist. Damn Sammy, you sly dog. They got to the bottom step and she pulled Sam
beneath a big maple tree. Dean didn’t have to worry about Sam seeing him
because they only had eyes for each other. Sam brushed a tangle away from her
face and leaned to kiss her. It wasn’t just a peck on the cheek. It was a slow,
thorough kiss that had Dean wondering how much he’d been practicing. Sam pulled
back and smiled down at her with such a tender expression that Dean’s breath
caught in his throat. He swallowed….hard. There was a sudden pain in his chest
that he couldn’t identify.
Maybe I shouldn’t have had the double bacon cheeseburger.
They kissed one more time and she walked away. Sam’s eyes stayed glued to her
until she was out of sight. He turned and Dean knew immediately that Sam had
seen him. He waved and gave him a thumbs up.
“Sammy! Good job, bro’!”
Uh-oh. That got the bitchface going into overdrive. Sam hurried across the
street and climbed into the passenger seat.
“Would you shut the hell up?” Sam slammed the car door so hard the impala
rocked back and forth.
Dean frowned. “Hey, dude, don’t slam the door so hard.” They started down the
street and Dean glanced at Sam who was very interested in whatever was going by
outside his window. “So what’s her name?”
“Can we just not talk about it, Dean? This is why I didn’t say anything.
Because I knew it would just be some big joke to you.” Sam looked down at his
lap and said quietly, “It’s not a joke to me, okay? She’s not just some random
girl. I like her. A lot.”
Five minutes of strained silence later,they pulled in front of their door and
Sam was out of the car and into the room before Dean could put the impala into
park. He turned off the ignition and sat there for a minute. Well. What the
fuck? Dean realized that he was a little hurt. Did Sam really think that he
wouldn’t understand? That he couldn’t talk to him? There’d been a time when Sam
had talked to his big brother about everything. He talked so much that Dean had
thought he would go freaking crazy if he heard one more story about Leonardo
DaVinci or the movement of black holes or what ever had captured geekboy’s
attention for the moment. But he realized that he missed it. More than he’d
like to admit it. Sammy should know that he wouldn’t make fun of anything that
was really important to him. I mean this was just girls and sex and stuff.
And this was Sam. He should have realized that Sam probably wouldn’t look at
sex with the same carefree attitude he did. He was 19 and had lost count of the
women he’d had sex with. He’d had sex for the first time when he was 14. Well
almost 14. Anyway, Sam thought about things too much. But that was Sam and he
could be the supportive older brother. In fact, he realized he really wanted to
be.
Dean walked into the room, closing the door softly behind him. He turned and
was confronted by a very angry Sam. He’d obviously been about to get in the
shower because this was a very angry Sam in nothing but his boxers. Dean’s
mouth was suddenly dry. He hadn’t seen Sam undressed in a while. The last few
months, Sam hadn’t undressed in front of Dean, preferring to dress in the
bathroom or when Dean was in the shower. In fact, Dean couldn’t remember the
last time he’d seen Sam naked. Or almost naked, anyway. But as he looked at his
brother, he felt….no way, uh-uh, not this again. He took off his leather jacket
because, damn, it was like a fucking sauna in this room. Sam said something but
Dean couldn’t make it out because he was still staring at the bare expanse of
his brother’s chest.
He blinked stupidly and said, “What?”
Sam took a deep breath and repeated, “Would you just leave this alone? Please.
I know you’re Mr. Love ‘em and Leave ‘em but I’m not. So just don’t say
anything about her because I’m really not in the mood for your shit today,
Dean.” He was breathing heavy and a flush was creeping from his cheeks down to
his neck. He’d begun to sweat, because basically just moving caused Sam to
sweat these days, and he casually flipped his long bangs back from his
forehead. It was a gesture Dean had seen him do countless times but standing
there so close to him with all that naked skin in front of him was making Dean
feel things he didn’t want to think about. Things he thought he had shoved so
far down and buried so deep they would never see the light of day again. He had
to tear his eyes from a bead of sweat that was making its way down that long
expanse of Sammy’s neck down to his collarbone. What in the hell was wrong with
him?
“Hey, hey. Whoa there tiger. Take it easy.” Dean put a hand on Sam’s chest and
pushed him slightly because they were standing practically nose to nose and he
couldn’t fucking breathe. Dean sat down on one of the beds and patted the space
beside him. “Come on Sam. I just want to talk. Really. I can see how important
this it to you.” Sam hesitated, looking skeptical. Dean realized he’d made a
tactical error in sitting because he was now eye level with Sam’s stomach and
for some odd reason his eyes were glued to the trail of dark hairs that he
couldn’t remember seeing before leading from Sam’s navel to the band of his
underwear.
I’ve lost my mind, Dean thought shakily.
Finally, Sam gave a heavy sigh and sat. “Now, tell me about her”, Dean said
simply.
All the anger seemed to flow out of Sam and when he looked at Dean it was with
a ghost of a smile. He looked so damn young all of a sudden and Dean wanted to
hug him like he used to but he didn’t. And he knew exactly why he didn’t.
“Her name’s Simone”, Sam began softly. “She’s smart and beautiful and nice.
She’s a senior and she’s going to the University of Michigan in the fall. She’s
going to be a doctor”, he said proudly. “She’s 18.” Sam looked down at his
hands. “I told her I turned 16 on my birthday. I just thought it sounded better
than 15.” He looked a back at Dean shyly. “I really want tonight to be special
because she makes me feel special. I don’t want to mess it up.” A blush was
staining his cheeks again and he was looking intently at the ratty motel
carpet.
Dean suppressed a smile. “Okay, I’ve got to ask. We’re obviously talking about
sex. Is this your first time?”
Sam was now beet red. He just nodded his head.
Wow, Dean thought. Ignoring the sinking feeling in his stomach he asked, “First
question as your responsible older brother is are….. you know, prepared?”
Sam nodded again and if he got any redder Dean expected to see steam coming off
his skin. “Well, Sammy, I know you know the basic mechanics of sex so do you
have any questions? About anything else?”
Clearing his throat nervously, Sam whispered, “How do you know what a girl
likes? I mean I want it to be good for her too. And she had a boyfriend for 2
years. She’s done this before.” Sam paused then added quickly, “Only with him
though.”
Chuckling softly, Dean placed a hand on Sam’s neck. It was hot and sweaty and
he massaged it lightly. This would be what Sam was worried about the first time
he got laid. The other person. It was just so Sam.
“You’ll know, Sam. You’ll figure it out, believe me. And one thing I’ve found
is that you can always ask. Girls like it when you ask them what they want. Or
you ask them to show you what they want. And that, little brother, can be
unbelievably hot.” He could see the goosebumps on Sam’s flesh and clapped him
on the back. “Go take your shower. Is she picking you up?.” Sam nodded and
jumped up. Then he turned back to Dean and said, “Thanks.”
“Sure thing, Sammy.” Dean watched Sam walk away and noticed the muscles flexing
in parts of his anatomy that he had never noticed before.
Jesus Fucking Christ. He was going insane.
 
The steam from the shower preceded Sam as he walked back into the room. He had
a towel around his waist and his body glistened wetly. His hair was plastered
to his head and cheeks were flushed. Dean tried not to stare but he couldn’t
help himself. For the first time in months, Sam was totally unconcerned with
being naked in front of Dean. He had laid out his clothes neatly on the bed
and, with his back to Dean, he just dropped the towel where he was standing. He
leaned over to put on his boxers and Dean realized his mouth was hanging open.
He got up abruptly and stood looking out the window. Maybe he should have a
belt of holy water. He must be possessed. It was the only explanation.
Sam’s voice from right behind him made him jump. “Hey Dean. Could you put this
on for me? I can’t work this stupid clasp.” Dean turned and Sam was holding a
brown beaded choker in his hand. It looked like one of those that surfers or
models would wear. He handed the thing to Dean and turned around bending his
neck forward slightly. Dean inhaled and smelled the cologne that Sam had put
on, something they had found in a motel room, left by someone else but it had
suited Sam so he had kept it. It reminded Dean of woods and greenness and it a
had a subtle smokiness that made Dean’s senses sharpen. Sam’s still damp hair
curled on the soft nape of his neck and Dean felt a sudden urge, a need, to
touch his lips to that exact spot.
“Dean? Can you get it?”
Fastening the choker around Sam’s neck he stepped back quickly. “Yep, All
done.” Dean turned around and dragged his hand across his mouth as if to stifle
words that were welling up, begging to be said. But why now? Why this moment?
Looking at his brother standing there tall and lean and freaking gorgeous he
knew why.
Dean looked at Sam dressed to meet his girl and he was happy for him. And he
was so insanely jealous of her that it was a physical ache.
Sam was looking at Dean, a frown knitting his brows together. He shrugged into
his jacket and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Dean? Umm….”
Dean had no idea what Sam was going to say because he interrupted him. “You
look good Sammy. You know, nice.”
The slamming of a car door got their attention. Looking at his watch Dean saw
it was only 5:00. “Early party?” Sam shrugged and Dean understood. “Oh, I see.
A private party then, for two.”
Sam seemed about to say something else but a soft knock at the door stopped
him. Sam opened the door and a smile lit up his face.”Hey Simone.”
“Hi Sam. Are you ready?” Dean heard her ask. Stepping up behind Sam, he placed
a hand on his shoulder. “Well, hey there pretty lady, I’m Dean.”
She stepped forward extending her hand which Dean took. “Simone. Oh, I’m so
glad to meet you. You’re all Sam talks about.” She smiled prettily and looking
into her warm, brown eyes, he could see why Sam could fall for a girl like
this. She was sultry and girl-next-door all wrapped up in one beautiful
package.
“Really? I’m all he talks about, huh?”
Sam cleared his throat and took Simone’s arm. “Well, I guess we should be
going. I’ll see you later Dean.” He steered Simone to the car. He opened the
driver’s side door for her and she called out,”Bye, Dean. Nice to meet you.”
Watching Sam climb in the passenger seat, Dean waved back, forcing a smile.
Swallowing around the lump in his throat he waved and whispered, “Bye Sammy.”
 
She backed the car away from the door and Sam saw that Dean was still standing
there, in the open doorway, no longer smiling. Why did he feel guilty for
leaving him? That was stupid.
“So Dean was exactly what I expected.”
“Really? What did you expect?” Sam looked at her intently.
“A really good-looking guy, a little bit cocky who loves his little brother a
lot,” Simone answered.
Sam studied her and then asked, “You think he’s good-looking?” Sam smiled
impishly, his dimples flashing.
She cocked her head to one side giving him a side-long glance. “Well, his
brother might be a little better looking.”
Feigning mock indignation, Sam said, “A little!!” He leaned close and kissed
her cheek, then her ear, touching his tongue lightly to the soft spot right
behind it. She smelled citrusy and sweet and it made Sam’s mouth water.
She shivered. “Okay, a lot. And you’re definitely sexier.” Catching her breath,
she pushed him away. “Now behave before I crash us into a lamp pole or
something.”
Laughing, Sam sat back. He pointed ahead to a shopping center. “Pull in there.
I need to pick up dessert.”
20 minutes later they were pulling up in front of Simone’s house. The
graduation ceremony had been last night so her parents had left for Europe this
morning. Simone would be flying out tomorrow morning. Sam had been here a
couple of times and to him it seemed like a mansion. Living out of motel rooms
most of the time made even a modest house seem like a castle.
The next hour was spent cooking and laughing and talking. They made pasta with
salmon, a huge salad and crusty french bread. Even though it was chilly they
ate outside. They talked about family and the future and it wasn’t nearly as
uncomfortable it could have been. Sam omitted a lot and Simone understood the
unspoken barriers. She didn’t even try to cross them because she didn’t want to
upset Sam.
They left the dishes on the counter and took Sam’s dessert into the family
room. There was a low fire burning in the fireplace that matched the one that
had been burning between Sam and Simone all afternoon. They fed strawberries
liberally covered with whipped cream to each other licking fingertips, lapping
the cream from the corner of each other’s mouths. Soon, all they were tasting
was each other. Simone straddled Sam’s hips kissing him deeply then leaving a
trail of kisses from his lips to his neck. They’d found that Sam’s neck was
very sensitive and he gasped as she kissed and licked her way slowly down and
then back up. He fisted his hands in her hair and dragged her mouth back to
his, thrusting his hips against her. He slid her hands from her waist up to the
smooth skin of her stomach. They had only taken things so far in the times they
had been together, and he was desperate to see her, to feel her.
She stood up and taking his hand in hers lead him up the stairs. Articles of
clothing were left in their wake. Socks, belts, Sam’s shirt. They walked into a
bedroom bathed in candlelight. She had slipped upstairs and lit them earlier.
Simone stopped next to the bed and looking into Sam’s eyes pulled her tshirt
over her head then slid her jeans off. She stepped into Sam’s arms and the feel
of her skin against his made his head pound along with other parts of his
anatomy.
He kissed her leisurely, exploring her mouth while his hands explored her bare
skin. Then they tumbled back on the bed and her hands were roaming over his
chest, her nails scraping along his stomach and she deftly undid the button of
his jeans. She pushed them down and Sam lifted his hips to helping her to get
the damn things off as quickly as possible. She ran her hands up his bare legs,
the prominent bulge in his boxers and he sucked in his breath.
“Dammit, I can’t get this thing off,” he laughed, fumbling at the clasp of her
bra. She reached behind her, undoing the clasp and his hands were full of her
breasts and he kissed them, sucking at her nipples thinking nothing had ever
tasted so good. Then her hand was inside his boxers stroking the length of him,
his balls, tugging down his boxers and he was doing the same with her panties
because he wanted to see was underneath that little strip of silk.
He looked down at her naked body and whispered, “You’re beautiful.”
Smiling slightly she pulled his lips back to hers. “I want you inside me Sam.”
She helped guide him between her thighs and when he pushed into her moist heat
she gasped.
Sam paused, “Am I hurting you?”
“God no”, she moaned breathlessly. He started to thrust lightly and the feeling
was incredible. He closed his eyes, feeling her nails digging into his hips,
began to move harder, faster. The sensation was incredible and he was already
close to coming. He was too close and too soon his eyes flew open and he was
emptying insideof her saying, “Oh god I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
Brushing the sweaty bangs from his forehead she whispered, “It’s okay Sam.
There’s next time.”
Grinning lazily, he lay beside her and they held each other quietly for a
moment. He propped himself up on one arm looking down at her before leaning and
kissing her lightly on the lips. She responded hungrily, moaning as the kiss
deepened. Sam took her hand and kissed each finger tip before saying,”I want to
make you feel good. Show me what to do.” He paused, running his tongue over the
curve of her lip, then whispered, “Please?”
Taking her hand, he led it down to the juncture of her thighs. He kept his hand
lightly on hers as she began to stroke herself with her fingers. His fingers
followed hers and it wasn’t long before his had replaced hers entirely. She
clung to him as he caressed the soft flesh, slipping a finger into
her,withdrawing it again to fondle her clit, watching the way she responded to
him. She was breathing in quick little pants and her nails were digging into
his bicep and then her hips bucked again and again as she came, crying out,
“Sam, Sam, Sam..”
He was rock hard from watching her writhe with pleasure and when he slipped
into her a second time he felt more in control. He focused on the sensation of
being enveloped in her heat and set a rhythm that she matched. Her hands roamed
up his back into his hair, pulling and tugging, then down his back to grasp his
ass, urging him to move faster. He felt the beginning of another orgasm in his
abdomen, that sweet, low pull of pleasure and he slowed a minute. Simone made a
small desperate sound, and clasped his hips harder, her hips grinding into him
as she sought her impending orgasm. He felt her muscles clench around him and
he gasped as she arched against him, moaning his name as pleasure overwhelmed
her. A few more thrusts and he was following her, crying out her name. He
kissed her again and again, this beautiful girl who had just given him so much.
In that moment, he thought that maybe he loved her just a little.
Unbidden, Dean's face flashed in his mind. He'd always imagined that his first
time would..... Stop it, dammit. He's your brother. Sam turned his attention
back to Simone and they lay together, talking of inconsequential things. Then
they would kiss again, desperately, because they each knew that, as much as
they might want to, they would probably never see each other again.
 
Dean had watched Sam and his girl drive off, then jumped into the impala to
find the nearest liquor store. $22.53 and one fake id later and he was in
possession of a small bottle of Jack Daniels and a six-pack of beer. He wasn’t
even hungry. In fact, he was nauseous.
Sammy was going to fuck that girl. And it was making him sick to his stomach.
Why was he reacting this way?
Why was he asking questions he already knew the answers to? Opening the bottle
of Jack, he took a long drink. It was funny really. Dean Winchester, Mr. Macho
or what was it Sam had called him? Mr. Love’em and Leave’em? Yeah, that was him
all right. The problem was the only person he really wanted to be with, to stay
with, was his little brother. His 15-year-old brother and, holy shit, just how
fucked up was that?
He was supposed to protect Sam and dammit he was going to have to protect Sam
from the person who was supposed to be doing the protecting and this was giving
him a massive headache so he took another drink.
He wasn’t a pervert. He liked kinky stuff, sure, but this? This went beyond
kinky. He wasn’t even sure what the word for it would be. Well, that wasn’t
quite true either. There was a word for exactly what he was thinking about.
Incest.
He drank again, wanting desperately to just stop thinking altogether. He’d
always felt an extreme closeness with his younger brother. When Mom brought Sam
home from the hospital, he would sit beside the bassinet and just look at him,
marveling, that this tiny creature belonged to him. Even then, he had thought
of Sam as an extension of himself. When Mom had died, he just naturally took on
the role of Sam’s protector. Dad didn’t even have to tell him, even though he
had done just that countless times. He’d watched over him, always tried to make
sure Sam was taken care of, that he had whatever he needed. He had watched him
grow up and he had nursed him through skinned knees and sickness and fights
with Dad. He’d played his share of pranks on Sammy because he was a big brother
after all. But through everything had been the knowledge that this bond he had
with his little brother was something extraordinary. It went beyond the usual
sibling devotion. Sammy wanted normal, though, and this was about as far from
normal as you could get.
He thought back to the first time he’d realized that his feelings for his
brother were straying into forbidden territory. It was late July in South
Florida and it was so hot that the air actually shimmered. They were staying in
an abandoned cabin instead of a motel because they were chasing a werewolf and
they had tracked it to this remote area. Sam was thirteen and moody and Dad had
told him that he was going to stay with Bobby for part of the school year. In
fact, they would be heading to South Dakota after this hunt was wrapped up.
Dean would stay on the road with Dad and catch school as he could. Both Sam and
Dean had looked at their father with stricken expressions on their faces. Sam
had protested vehemently to no avail. Dean tried to intervene partly to express
his own opinion at leaving Sam behind and partly to try to mediate between the
two of them. Sam was almost as tall as Dad, even at thirteen, and they stood
toe to toe until Dad had had enough.
“The decision’s been made Sam. You’ll do what I tell you. The both of you.
That’s an order.”
Sam’s mouth was set in a hard line and his eyes were bright with unshed tears.
He whirled away from his father, storming out, the screen door banging shut
loudly in his wake. Dean went to follow him but his Dad said , “Let him go,
Dean. He just needs to get used to the idea. It’ll be good for him.”
Looking back at his Dad, Dean paused, then went after his brother. The thought
of leaving his little brother for an extended period of time was unimaginable.
They’d never been separated for longer than a few days. How could he protect
Sammy if he wasn’t with him?
The cabin they were squatting in sat on a lake and a long dock stretched out
from the shore to almost the middle where the deepest water began. He saw Sam
fling off his t-shirt and cleave the surface of the water in a graceful dive.
Running to the end of the dock, he watched the ripples slowly dissipate from
the point Sam had entered the water. Dean waited, the midday sun beating down
on the top of his head. There wasn’t a sign of Sam anywhere. Sam could hold his
breath for a long time, but this was taking too long, damnit. It must have been
100 degrees outside, but suddenly Dean was cold with fear.
If the little shit hadn’t drowned he was going to kill him.
He was frantically trying to remove his heavy boots and had decided to just
say, fuck it, when Sammy popped up at the end of the dock. Placing both hands
on the wooden planks he heaved himself up and flopped on his back, sputtering
and gasping for air.
“Sammy! You okay?” He kneeled down and brushed back the wet tangle of hair that
lay over Sam’s face, trailing his fingers down his jaw. Sam instinctively
turned his cheek into Dean’s hand and his eyes opened lazily at his touch. His
lips were parted as he tried to take in air and he was flushed from exertion
and the heat. The fear that made a knot in Dean’s stomach loosened and was
curling into something else. Something he had experienced many times before but
not while looking at his thirteen-year-old brother. Sam was looking up at Dean,
those eyes of his that could never decide on a color staring into his with a
heat that had nothing to do with the temperature of a late Summer day.
Dean lowered his face until it was only inches from Sam’s. Bringing his hand up
to cup his brother’s cheek, Sam’s tongue flicked out wetting his lips. Dean
felt like time had stopped, his whole world filled up with this feeling, and…
“Dean! Is he okay?” His father’s voice was like a dash of cold water and Dean
jumped to his feet,losing his balance and sitting down hard on his ass. He
waved at his Father who was standing in the open doorway of the cabin.
“He’s fine Dad.” How long had he been standing there? How much had he seen?
He’d decided right then that he would bury those feelings. Bury them deep. And
he had, for the most part. Occasionally, he would look at his little brother
and the desire to be more to Sam would almost overwhelm him and he would get a
grip on it before he could do something insanely stupid and ruin the one good
thing in his life. The only good thing.
Now the feelings had flooded back, like a dam had broken. He knew why. Because
Sam didn’t look at him the same, like Dean was his whole world and that was all
he needed. Maybe Sam was leaving Dean behind. And Dean didn’t know if he would
be able to handle that.
He took another drink from the bottle and looked at the clock. 7:18. What were
the doing right now? Were they in bed together? Were they fucking right this
very minute?
Jesus, he couldn’t even get drunk. The booze wasn’t doing anything but clearing
his mind. He should have bought a bigger bottle.
He drank. He paced. He watched the clock. He took a shower and repeated the
previous three steps.
He was laying on the bed staring at the ceiling when he heard a car door right
outside the window. Low voices made Dean strain to hear what was being said but
he couldn’t make it out. There was a long pause and Dean had to restrain
himself from getting up and looking out the window. He heard the car start up
again and drive off. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed as
he heard the key turn in the lock.
Sam walked through the door, pausing when he saw Dean waiting for him.
“I’d thought you’d be asleep.” He shucked off his jacket throwing it on a chair
and laid down on the other bed. He reached up and clicked off the lamp between
the beds. “I’m tired Dean. I’m going to sleep.” His voice was devoid of emotion
and as Dean’s eyes adjusted to the lack of light he could see Sam had closed
his eyes but tears were leaking from the corners and making trails down his
cheeks. Sam was biting his lip in an effort to not give in and sob like he was
4 years old again.
Dean was at a loss. Sam hadn’t cried in….well, it had been a long time. All the
things he had been thinking disappeared as he watched Sam throw his arms across
his face like he was trying to prevent Dean from seeing how upset he was. So
Dean did the only thing he could think of.
He lay down next to his little brother and wrapped his arms around him as best
he could.
“I’m sorry Sammy,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”
Sam turned and wrapped his arms tightly around Dean, burying his face in Dean’s
chest. His shoulders shook silently, his tears wetting the front of Dean’s t-
shirt.
Dean knew why Sam was crying. He was crying for a pretty girl that he had
shared something so personal, so intimate with, that he would never see again.
He was crying for the normal life that he’d always wanted and he knew he’d
never have. The life that included a Mom who was alive, a Dad who was just a
mechanic, a home. A life with friends and prom dates and college plans.
A normal life that didn’t include a big brother wanting to be more than just
that. His brother.
As he held his little brother in his arms, he decided right then and there that
he was going to do everything he could to help Sam get that normal life. Sam
didn’t deserve this. It might be too late for him but it wasn’t for Sammy.
Sammy was smart enough to do whatever he wanted. Hunting was not going to be
his life. Dean was going to make sure of that.
Dean held his little brother and kissed the top of his head. The only feeling
that welled up in him now was a need, a compulsion, to protect Sam. The only
thing that mattered was that Sam was happy.
That was the night he gave away the first piece of his heart.
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!