Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/11434749.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Rick_and_Morty
  Relationship:
      Rick_Sanchez/Morty_Smith
  Character:
      Rick_Sanchez_(Rick_and_Morty), Morty_Smith
  Additional Tags:
      Motel, Foreplay, Vibrator, Incest, Sexual_Humor, blowjob
  Series:
      Part 1 of Unhealthy_Things_Taste_Better,_Anyway
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-07-08 Words: 16294
****** Split Up ******
by Klei
Summary
     In order to keep a low profile, Rick and Morty are forced to briefly
     split up on one of their adventures. Morty uses the opportunity to
     visit an alien sex toy store, as well as to confront some of the
     less-than-appropriate feelings he's developed for his grandfather.
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
"Shit, those fuckers don't give up easy," panted Rick as they ran. A trail of
furious drug dealers that could only be described as octopodes with legs were
hot on their trail as they wove through the alien streets in a desperate effort
to shake their pursuers. Intergalactic pedestrians screamed and ducked for
cover from the hail of laser gunfire that followed them, burning holes in every
vehicle, wall, and lamppost that they struck.
Morty yelped as a bright green laser grazed his shoulder from behind.
Fortunately, the heat was enough to cauterize the very wound it had created, so
although his shirt had been sliced open, it didn't bleed too heavily. Good luck
came to them in small doses, however, and Morty could only pray that the path
they were running down didn't come to a dead end. He wasn't sure he was in any
shape to handle a stand-off, and that was assuming their own guns hadn't run
out of energy. Speaking of guns and energy…
"Wh-wh-what's the point of even havinga portal gun if you never charge
it?"shrieked Morty. "How come every time you- every time something really
dangerous happens, it's out of power?"
"Traveling to different dimensions takes a lot of juice, Morty!" said Rick in a
frustrated voice, as though it were obvious. "Why do you think I built a
spaceship?"
"Oh, I-I dunno, Rick! Maybe for the same reason you built a sentient robot just
to see how many paradoxes it could handle before it blew up!"
"If I remember correctly, and I do,you were the one who broke it!"
"I already told you, it committed suicide! It-it-it jumped off the roof and
killeditself!"
"Well, maybe if someone hadn't gone swimming in a lake infested with so many
parasites that I had to take them to a specialized hospital halfway across the
galaxy to remove over a dozen fifty-foot worms from their guts, I would have
had more money to spend on some sturdier- shit!"said Rick as they reached the
end of the alleyway. Sure enough, it was a dead end. Rick turned around with
his gun at the ready, and Morty reluctantly did the same. "Morty, how much
energy has your gun got left?"
With shaky hands, Morty checked the glowing meter. "About a quarter!"
Rick's eyes narrowed as the aliens rounded the corner and passed his gun to
Morty. It, too, was nearly depleted, only a tiny sliver of power visible on the
meter. "Cover me, and make every shot count! And I don't mean 'teach each shot
the decimal system and force them to recite it in order from one,' I mean
'don't miss,'Morty!"
As Rick began fiddling with some gadget or another he'd pulled from his pocket,
Morty let out a terrified battle cry and began firing away at the masses. They
were just drug dealers, right? They were criminals! That made it okay for him
to shoot them! At least, that was what he told himself.
The narrow alleyway kept them coming in a relatively straight line, making it
easier to bump them off as they ran at him, but there was no cover in sight.
Bullets of pure energy flew back and forth through the air, burning holes in
the purple alien bricks of the wall behind them. Blood of various colors spewed
from the bodies of those he shot, coating the pavement in a rainbow of gore.
The extra gun that Rick had given Morty began to click uselessly with every
press of the trigger, and a quick look at the meter showed that it was out of
power. With a growl of frustration, he chucked it at the approaching aliens,
striking one squarely in the head and knocking it out cold.
Something plucked a hair from Morty's head; a quick glance to the side made it
clear that it was just Rick, who carefully pushed it into a tiny hole in some
kind of sphere-shaped device.
"Got it!" said Rick just as Morty's gun was depleted. "Duck, Morty!"
He clicked a button on the orb and tossed it towards the oncoming aliens. As it
began to beep, both Rick and Morty shielded themselves with their arms as best
as they were able.
BOOM!
The resulting sound was like a bomb going off, leaving Morty's ears ringing. He
slowly stood up and opened his eyes, struggling to steady his breath as he
noticed that the enemy gunfire had ceased. Perhaps even more bizarrely, the
corpses from the drug dealers he'd shot had vanished. Not a drop of blood was
left, as though it had never been there in the first place.
"What the- what happened?"
Rick dusted off his lab coat and took a swig of alcohol from his flask.
"Organic disintegration grenade. In-in case the name didn't tip you off, Morty,
that means that every form of life in the immediate vicinity that didn't have
its DNA registered in the device just went poof."
"Poof?" said Morty. "Wh-wh-what about all of the innocent bystanders?"
"What part of 'immediate vicinity' did you not understand?" said Rick, but
Morty remained unconvinced as he was nudged forward. "Now come on, Morty, we've
gotta get off-planet before the rest of them come looking for their buddies."
The trip through the suspiciously empty streets to the parking garage where
they'd left the car was a short one. Unfortunately, actually finding their
vehicle within the massive, multi-level complex proved to be anything but.
"Damn it, Morty, was it Theta-XZE29 or Theta-XZE92?"
"H-hang on, it might have actually been Alpha-ZTJ83! Wait, no, that's the
ticket from the Blips and Chitz garage…"
Eventually, however, after much wandering up and down the garage and
periodically chirping the locks, the vehicle was located. Morty hopped into the
driver's seat while Rick plugged their guns into an outlet on the dashboard.
"We're gonna have to lay low for a little while," said Rick as Morty carefully
pulled out of the garage, determined not to hit any other vehicles for once.
"Those grenades leave behind more traces of the user's DNA than a pair of post-
coital Sixexians. They're gonna be scanning for us all over the place, if they
aren't already."
Morty pulled back on the steering wheel to bring the ship up into the air.
"Scanning for us?"
"Once they get ahold of the DNA from that bomb – and given how long it took us
to find the car,Morty, they probably already have – they're-they're gonna fire
up a device that lets them scan people for a match. Those bastards control this
entire solar system, Morty; they're gonna have roadblocks set up where they'll
require you to submit to a search before they let you leave. Now, fortunately,
since our genes were mixed together in that bomb, we should be able to get out
as long as we don't let them scan us together, so I'm gonna need you to drop me
off at a ship rental while you go on ahead."
"W-w-w-wait, what?" said Morty. "You want me to drive through a blockade of
drug dealers on-on my own? Are you crazy?"
"Calm down, Morty. It's not that big a deal. Just go up to the blockade, do
what they tell you, and drive on through," said Rick as though he were asking
Morty to pick up some milk from the store.
"So I'm driving all the way back to Earth alone?"
"Oh, sure, Morty, I'll just drop off the rental at one of the many facilities
they've got set up back on Earth," said Rick flatly. He punched some
coordinates into the ship's GPS. "We'll meet back up here, on the asteroid with
Jerryboree. I mean, the-the daycare's not in this dimension, but the asteroid-
the asteroid is. You get the idea."
After a brief flight down the street, Morty reluctantly pulled up beside the
ship rental Rick directed him to. Rows and rows of identical spaceships were
parked on what looked to be a massive shelf atop an unassuming shop bearing a
sign in some alien language he didn't understand.
As his grandfather stepped out of the car, Morty asked, "A-are you sure, you
know, this is gonna work? W-what if something goes wrong, or-"
"It's fine,Morty, you're gonna be fine,"said Rick. "Look, if it makes you feel
better, I'll activate the car AI for you."
"A-actually-" began Morty, having heard all about the ship's AI from his sister
after their foray into the car battery, but Rick cut him off before he could
voice his concerns.
"Ship! Do what Morty says."
"Do what Morty says,"repeated the ship robotically.
"Oh geez," said Morty. "This thing isn't going to kill anyone, is it?"
"Not unless you tell it to," said Rick, taking one of the newly-charged guns
and tucking it away in his lab coat just in case. "Oh, and just so you know, I
added a number to your phone that lets you communicate with the ship from a
distance, just in case it gets hijacked and you need to order it to kill all
the passengers, or something."
"Wait, when did you mess with my phone?"
"Morty, I don't have time to explain to you how easy it is to sneak into your
room at night. Just so you know, though, you're-you're a real heavy sleeper for
someone who's seen some of the worst shit the universe has to offer, Morty.
Anyway, there's money under the driver's seat. I'm gonna wait a bit before I
follow you, so get a motel room, if you don't want to sleep in the car."
With that, he shut the door and headed off towards the shopfront. Morty took a
deep breath and pulled back on the steering wheel and flew off into the upper
atmosphere.
The last time he could remember splitting up during one of their space
adventures was when he'd gone off to save Fart from Krombopulus Michael, and
that hadn't ended well for anyone involved. In fact, just about every time he
went off or was left on his own tended to end in disaster, even if it was just
briefly for him to go use the restroom.
Morty gripped the steering wheel harder. Everything was going to be fine, he
just had to relax. A few mishaps in the past had nothing to do with his odds of
success in future endeavors. "Hey, uh, ship, could you turn on some music?"
"Yes,"said the ship.
After a lengthy period of continued silence, Morty decided to amend his
original question to, "Okay, willyou turn on some music?"
"This is my latest mixtape,"said the ship. "A mixtape without a tape. It is the
ultimate mixtape. What do you think?"
Another period of total silence passed.
"There's nothing playing."
"Incorrect. The pitch is simply at a frequency outside your organic range of
hearing."
Morty sighed.
===============================================================================
 
The blockade proved surprisingly easy to pass through, if somewhat nerve-
wracking. There were several lines of ships outside numerous small space
stations covered in turrets to blast anyone who tried to go around. As he'd
approached the front of the line, he'd been subjected to a so-called random
search in which they went through the car in search of any drugs he'd
purchased. Initially, he'd freaked out, as Rick had stored several packs of
what he could only describe as 'ultra meth' in the trunk, but it turned out
that they only wanted to see his receipt to prove that he'd paid for it. Again,
he'd panicked, because if he and Rick had paidfor those drugs, they wouldn't
have been running for their lives just ten minutes prior.
"Ship," Morty had said, swallowing nervously. "G-g-give these guys a receipt
for the, umm..."
"Seven large packs of fractal dust," said the drug dealer in a bored voice.
"Y-yeah, that!"
"Printing- I mean, procuring receipt,"said the ship, passing the drug dealer a
receipt with a mechanical arm. Fortunately, he seemed too fascinated by the
ship to actually pay much attention to the less-than-stellar details of the
fake it had generated on the spot. Morty did his best not to look too
bewildered by the hexadecimal representation of the price when it was handed
back to him, opting to instead shove it into his pocket with an awkward laugh.
"That's some quality AI for such a dinghy little ship," noted the drug dealer,
and Morty decided to thank his lucky stars that Rick wasn't there to take
offense to the comment and needlessly escalate the situation.
"Tell me about it,"said the ship, its casual words not matching its robotic
monotone. "Last week, my creator expelled stomach acids all over my dashboard.
A few days ago, the offspring of his offspring urinated on my interior."
"Okay, that's enough," said Morty irritably. "A-are we done here?"
"Tell you what," said the drug dealer, leaning against the driver's seat door.
Morty did his best not to groan. "I'll throw in a tube of nova gas if you tell
me where you jacked that AI from!"
Rick was a difficult, if not impossible man to impress, but something told
Morty that nabbing him some extra drugs would at least warrant a, 'Guess
you're- you aren't as useless as I thought.' Maybe even a congratulatory hair
ruffle!
"I didn't jack her from anywhere," insisted Morty. "My grandpa made her. I
mean, I-I-I think he did."
"Custom job, huh? Can I download a copy?"
It was a tempting prospect, especially if he still planned to throw in the nova
whatever-it-was, but…
"You'd really better not," said Morty. "She's, uh, kind of unstable, if you
know what I mean."
A massive gun extended from the hood of the vehicle, aimed squarely at the drug
dealer, who screamed and cowered behind a nearby crate.
"I will not be copied like some program off of Space Pirate Bay."
"What the hell?" screamed the drug dealer.
"Ship, no!" said Morty, searching the dashboard for an off button. "This is why
we keep you off most of the time!"
"Okay, that's it, I'm calling back-up!" said the drug dealer, grabbing what
looked to be a futuristic radio off of his hip and hitting a button on it.
"Guys! I need-"
Before he could say any more, the ship whipped out what could only be described
as a glowing blue laser cannon and blasted it directly into his face. The
remains of what had once been his head splattered against the wall behind him,
and smoke rose from the stump of his neck as his decapitated body collapsed to
the floor along with the radio. Morty, who had become almost entirely
desensitized to such things, could barely manage more than a frustrated groan,
and threw his own still-intact head against the back of his seat.
"Hello?"said the voice on the radio, which had somehow survived the fall. "Is
anyone there? Over."
"Shit," breathed Morty. "Shit! Now what are we gonna do? You-you-you've gotta
fix this, ship!"
"Relax,"said the ship. It retracted its weaponry in favor of a metallic claw,
which picked up the radio and put it next to its speaker. Morty chewed his
lower lip as he considered whether or not he ought to give it any more orders.
On the one hand, he didn't want to cause more chaos than necessary. On the
other, he didn't have any ideas, himself.
Before Morty could ask what it was doing, the ship had pushed down the button
and begun to speak. Rather than its usual voice, however, it was completely
indistinguishable from that of the deceased drug dealer.
"Yeah, sorry,"said the ship in a tone that was almost good enough to convince
Morty that it was the actual guy, even after he'd just seen him die. "I leaned
against the wall and pressed the button by mistake, over."
"Again?"said an exasperated voice on the other end. "Whatever. Out."
The ship fished the remote controlling the doors from the corpse's pocket and
rolled up the windows to seal out the vacuum of space that might otherwise
threaten to kill its sole passenger. Morty kept his hand well away from the
button that would lower them again; Rick was a genius, but 'safety' had never
been one of his priorities. Morty didn't trust him to have set up any kind of
protection against the windows being opened in space.
As the airlock door closed behind them, Morty slammed his hand against the
dashboard. He wasn't sure if the ship could feel pain, but either way, it felt
better to give it a solid smack. "What the hell was that?"
"I got bored with him."
Oh, yes. She was definitelyRick's creation.
The door in front of them opened, and Morty briefly forgot to pull back on the
steering wheel to bring the ship up before pushing down on the pedal, causing
the bottom of the ship to scrape the floor on the way out. Surprisingly, the
ship didn't chew him out for it, but he couldn't help but feel a smidge of
guilt even so.
Most of the trip was fairly quiet. The nice thing about driving through space
was that there was almost no traffic to speak of. Occasionally another ship
would zip by in the distance too quickly to be seen by the naked eye, but for
the most part he was free to floor the concentrated dark matter pedal and zoom
off into the darkness.
The asteroid that Rick had instructed him to go to was only a few dozen
lightyears away. At one point, such a distance had sounded absolutely
astronomical to him, but apparently engines capable of clearing that distance
in the course of an hour or so came standard throughout the Milky Way. With
Rick's tech, it was only about thirty minutes before it came time to slow down.
He carefully navigated to the emptiest-looking parking lot recommended by the
ship's navigation system. It was just an asteroid, albeit a large enough one to
house an entire city, so just about everything was within walking distance. The
edge of the ship bumped up against the curb as he drove forward, prompting the
ship to berate with a strongly-worded reminder to put it in park before he
left. With a nervous shiver, he fumbled around beneath the seat for the money
Rick had promised was there and headed off in search of a cheap motel suitable
for human habitation.
The asteroid orbited a gas giant which in turn orbited a black hole instead of
a sun, leaving it in a perpetual night. Without its artificial atmosphere to
hold in the heat and oxygen synthesized by various machinery scattered across
its small surface, it would have been completely uninhabitable, but some
enterprising soul had apparently been desperate enough to form a society
outside of Federation space that they'd been willing to put in the extra
legwork. A long time ago, Morty might have worried about standing out among the
many different aliens scattered across its surface, but after enough
adventures, he'd come to realize that to them, it was hewho was just another
alien among many.
Morty shuddered. With that having been said, a sketchy neighborhood was a
sketchy neighborhood, and he took care to keep his money tucked deep down in
his pocket, one hand always within grabbing distance of his freshly-charged
gun.
He pulled out his phone and scanned some of the signs with the alien text
translator app he'd downloaded during that one long year Earth had spent under
Federation control.
"Grocery store, restaurant…" he murmured as he passed each one. At long last,
the word he was looking for flashed across the screen, though he supposed he
could have figured it out based on the appearance of the buildings. "Motel!
Okay, Morty, you've got this!"
It wasn't so much the act of getting a room that was the hard part so much as
it was ensuring that it was a place he could stay safely. He'd slept in enough
intergalactic boarding houses to know just how important it was to ensure that
he didn't accidentally lodge in a place for sea-dwelling creatures that would
fill up with water the moment the door was shut. Just the memory was enough to
have him reflexively grasp at his own throat.
"Uh, umm, excuse me!" he said to the wormlike Pripudlian manning the counter,
doing his best to play it cool. "D-d-do you guys have any rooms available?"
"Aquatic or non-aquatic?" asked the Pripudlian in a bored tone.
"Non-aquatic!" said Morty, a little too quickly.
"You're in luck, then," said the Pripudlian, pulling up something on its
computer screen. "That'll be 699 flurbos a night."
"J-just the- just one night, please," said Morty as he counted out the money on
the counter. If the Pripudlian thought there was anything weird about him
paying that kind of a fee in cash instead of credit, he said nothing of it.
"Thank you very much," said the Pripudlian. He (or she, or something else;
Morty was still struggling to get a handle on alien genders and sexual
dimorphism) passed him a keycard. "You'll be in room Z6 out by the pool."
"Pool?" said Morty, intrigued. He hadn't brought his bathing suit, but… "Pool
of what?" He still had scars from the time some random kids had jokingly
sprayed him with squirt guns full of hydrofluoric acid. To their species, it
was just tingly water, but he'd had to strip all his clothes off and run
squealing like a pig until he collapsed from cardiac arrest. His memory of what
happened after Rick revived him were a little hazy, and perhaps he'd only
dreamed it, but he could have sworn he recalled watching him march right up to
their mother's house to inform her of what had transpired, whereupon she'd
promised (under threat of death) to properly educate her offspring on the
importance of being careful what you sprayed at alien tourists.
"I'm pretty sure it's water treated with chlorine," said the Pripudlian with a
shrug. "The warnings are all posted on the sign. Anyway, here's a complimentary
coupon for breakfast at Wiggly Friggly's. It's just across the street, and
they're open all hours, so, you know, whenever you wake up should be fine, I
guess. Have a nice day!" The Pripudlian frowned. "Or night. Uhg, I hate this
solar system…"
Morty pocketed both the keycard and the coupon and bid the Pripudlian goodbye.
As he exited the building, he glanced around the motel grounds. Initially, he
was tempted by the fenced-off pool, but it looked like a creature made entirely
of brown sludge had succeeded in mucking up the entire thing, much to the
displeasure of everyone else trying to swim in it. He supposed he could watch
some alien television in the motel room, but truth be told, he wasn't really
feeling ready to wind down for the night. The adrenaline from before was no
longer racing through his system, but he was too on edge to be able to relax.
He just needed to walk off some of the tension.
With a sigh, Morty looked around at some of the stores nearby. It couldn't hurt
to just browse a little, maybe see what kinds of cool things were for sale on
an asteroid. Rick hadn't let him get any space souvenirs since he'd
accidentally fathered a half-alien child with a sex robot. Worst case scenario,
he got yelled at when Rick finally caught up with him. That wasn't really any
different from any other day, so he gathered up the courage born of hundreds of
near-death experiences to waltz into the first store he saw.
Almost immediately, he regretted his decision.
"Hello!" greeted an alien stocking shelves. Morty's eyes widened. He recognized
a Gromflomite when he saw one. One of the upright-walking ones without wings,
too, more like Krombopulus Michael than the hunched-over peons that took care
of the more menial tasks. Morty did his best to discreetly hide his face.
"Welcome to Naughty Foop's, your one-stop shop for- hey, you're a human, aren't
you?"
Morty took a step back. "Umm…"
"Sorry, sorry, that was a little rude of me," said the Gromflomite with a
laugh. "I just haven't seen any humans since the Federation collapsed. How are
things on Earth? Oh, I mean, assuming you arefrom Earth."
"They're, uh, fine, I guess," said Morty, still reluctant to let his guard
down. "G-g-good old Earth, planet of, uh, dirt?"
The Gromflomite snickered. "Yeah, normally we wouldn't have brought a pre-space
age planet into the Federation, but apparently it was the home of the notorious
Sanchez. You know him, right? Rick Sanchez?" Before Morty could answer, he
casually added, "I guess you wouldn't. I mean, most of your species was still
planet-bound when you joined the Federation. You know, most people who become
the first of their species to create technology capable of rapid space travel
usually share that with the rest of their kind! But him? He just became a
terrorist. Crazy, right? Anyway, thanks to a loophole, his discovery of space
travel was enough for us to consider Earth 'technically space age,' and, well,
you know the rest, I'm sure."
Morty swallowed the lump in his throat. The Gromflomite didn't appear to know
of his connection to Rick, and he wanted to keep it that way. "Heh, y-yeah,
crazy!"
"No hard feelings from me, though," said the Gromflomite, antennae twitching
cheerfully. "I always knew the day would come when society collapsed! Maybe it
would be zombies, maybe it would be a collision of galaxies, or maybe our
entire currency would become worthless overnight! But I knew,and I was
prepared!"
Morty smiled awkwardly. Even Gromflomites had doomsday preppers, apparently.
"Oh, really?"
"You bet! They all told me I was crazy,but look who's employed with a roof over
his head while the rest of them scrounge around fighting over pants!" said the
Gromflomite, looking pleased with himself. "But enough about me. You're here to
shop, right? Do you know what you're looking for?"
Morty didn't even know what the shop was selling. "No, but-"
"No problem, let me just show you to the scanner!" said the Gromflomite, taking
Morty by the hand and all but dragging him over to one of several chairs along
the wall. Morty reluctantly took a seat. "This here device can work out your
entire reproductive system to determine which products can provide the kind of
stimulation you're looking for!"
"Wait, what?" said Morty. Of course.It figured he would find his way into an
alien sex toy shop. "I, uh, I'm pretty sure I can figure that out on my own."
"Oh, trust me, you reallydon't want to guesswork it here," said the
Gromflomite. "Some of these things do some super weird stuff. Just last week, a
Vortle came in here complaining that one of our products had melted off his
genitals! Poor sap didn't realize it was meant for Elzires."
Morty paled. "Y-yeah, uh, I think I'm just gonna-"
Ding!
The Gromflomite hoisted Morty to his feet as the scan was completed. "Hm, so
humans have dedicated genitals and orifices stimulated by friction, huh? That's
a pretty common one." He pressed a couple of buttons. "Still, it wouldn't hurt
to narrow it down. Here, put this helmet on."
It was too late to turn back, so Morty placed the helmet on his head. "What's
this for?"
"Oh, I'm just gonna scan your fetishes out of your brain," said the
Gromflomite.
Morty froze.
"WHAT?"
"Right, you're from a sex-repressed planet, like Zigeria," said the Gromflomite
as Morty struggled to yank the helmet off. "No worries, there's no judgment
here. Whatever the heck is in your head, I've seen way, wayweirder. This one
Plurpip was absolutely crazyfor geznods in her fibwunklers! Geznods!"
Morty had absolutely no clue what geznods were, and he didn't care enough to
find out. All he knew was that he had a laundry list of fucked up kinks that he
wasn't keen on letting anybody else in on. One in particular was his crowning
shame, the absolute pinnacle of human debauchery. Even Rick,fucker of tentacle
monsters and hive minds,would have recoiled in disgust if he knew.
"L-l-look, I'm, you know, I'm not too ashamed to admit that I have a- a thing
for redheads and feet! Th-th-that's not the problem!" said Morty, still trying
to pry the helmet from his skull, but it had clamped itself down tightly. "But
some things, some things just need to stay private!"
Ding!
Morty did his best to cover the screen with his hands, but the Gromflomite was
far stronger, and batted them easily out of the way.
"Let's see, here!" said the Gromflomite, the dangly bits of his face twitching.
"This is what you were worried about? Red hair, various body parts of your own
species… This is the most boring file I've ever seen!"
Morty sighed with relief. Perhaps, in his struggles, the helmet hadn't been
able to scan the-
"Oh, wait, never mind, it scrolls down! It was just hard to see 'cause the
scroll bar is so tiny!"
Without another word, Morty turned around and ripped the machine's wire from
the outlet.
"No, those take forever to calibrate!" cried the Gromflomite.
"I'm done here!" said Morty, already on his feet and halfway to the door, much
to the amusement of the various other shoppers. "Th-th-this is crazy! I'm just
gonna go and- just go watch TV!"
"Wait! Waitwaitwait!" said the Gromflomite, jogging after him. "Okay, maybe I
came on a little strong, there. It's not every day you see a human in space! I
got too curious for my own good. Look, I'm willing to make it up to you. How's
25% off every purchase for the rest of the day sound?"
Morty's eyes narrowed. He might have been stupid, but he was also very,
veryjaded by years of adventures through the most dangerous parts of the
multiverse. "It's neverday here."
"Okay, fine, from now until you leave the store," said the Gromflomite,
exasperated. "Look, just let me show you some of the stuff we have!"
Despite every instinct telling him otherwise, Morty sighed, shrugged, and
followed the Gromflomite over to one of the aisles. For as much as he wanted to
leave, he couldn't deny the nagging twinge of curiosity. Rick would be pissed
if he spent any money, but then, it wasn't as though he could have made it in
the first place without Morty's help. Didn't that make it Morty's money, too,
in a way? In fact, why the hell wasn't he getting compensated somehow? He was
almost a grown adult, and Rick's adventures were keeping him from getting any
kind of a real job.
"Fine," said Morty. "Th-this better be good, though."
"Oh, it will be!"
The Gromflomite beckoned him towards a shelf full of bizarre-looking devices,
every one looking more frightening than the last. Some had spikes, others had
barbs, and still others looked suspiciously like power tools. It was enough to
make Morty visibly wince as he passed them.
"Here, what about this one?" said the Gromflomite, pulling a clear bottle full
of white orbs off of the shelf.
"What's that supposed to be?"
"Burbuggle eggs!" said the Gromflomite.
Morty took a step back. "Eggs?"
"Yeah, you just swallow them, and they'll hatch and wiggle their way into your
reproductive system over the course of about ten minutes," said the
Gromflomite. "They don't do any damage, but their whole life cycle provides
great stimulation from the inside!"
Morty snatched the bottle from him and placed it gingerly back on the shelf
before wiping his hand on his shirt out of fear of contamination.
"Okay, not a fan of parasites. I can appreciate that," said the Gromflomite. He
gestured to a medium-sized box with a picture of what Morty could only assume
was an attractive woman on it. Beside the box was a preview of exactly what was
inside; the device looked almost like a disembodied pelvis with a hole. Beside
thatwas a headband. "How about a hologram? It's like one of those sleeves for
your cock, only it forms a customizable hologram around it. There are even
attachments to make it fully automated!"
Morty frowned. "How customizable?"
The Gromflomite slipped the headband around Morty's skull, pulled the demo
version of the device off the shelf, and pressed a couple of buttons on the
remote. Immediately, a vaguely humanoid shape began to form.
"This looks closest to your species, I think, but you can download more models
from the website."
Morty's eyes practically bugged out of his skull as a green supermodel formed
around the device. "Wow," he said as a pair of massive breasts swung right
before his eyes. Without thinking too hard about it, he reached out to touch
them, only to find himself sorely disappointed as his hand passed right through
her holographic body. "Oh. Well, uh, what else can you customize?"
"Just about anything, really," said the Gromflomite. "Sex, gender, shape,
color, fur, clothing, xirmaks, endongs..."
"What about age?"
The Gromflomite gave him a strange look and turned off the device. "The terms
of service agreement forbids use of the device to depict prepubescent-"
"Nonononono!" said Morty swiftly. "I meant older! Older!"
Visibly relieved, the Gromflomite set the demo device back on the shelf.
"Depends on how your species ages."
"Well, umm, I guess we get all wrinkly."
"I see," said the Gromflomite. "Well, unfortunately, this version of the device
doesn't simulate creases all that well; too many will cause it to overheat and
burn your genitals off."
Morty blanched. "Wh-wh-what is it with all this stuff and-and burning genitals
off?"
"Oh, don't exaggerate," said the Gromflomite. "We have stuff that freezes your
genitals off, too!"
Once again, Morty turned around to leave the store.
"Aww, come on, I was just teasing!" said the Gromflomite. "Okay, look, I can
see that someone from a planet without high-tech sex toys might be a little
intimidated by fancy mechanics that go AROUND their junk, so how about we find
something that does the opposite, like a dildo?"
Morty pursed his lips. "I-I could get a dildo on my home planet," he bluffed,
as if he had actual Earth money that he could spend on something. "Wh-what
makes yours so special?"
The Gromflomite picked a device off the shelf that looked like a floppy rod of
blue goo.
"Allow me to introduce you to the self-lubricating Floppy Fucker," he said
gleefully, pushing a button on the remote that caused the dildo end to solidify
into a fairly neutral looking rod with a rounded tip. "It can morph into over
200 different shapes, with more available for download from the website for
just a nominal fee!" He spun a dial, and with each tick, the dildo changed
form. Bumps, spikes, bulbs, layers, and more all appeared and disappeared in an
instant until he finally settled on something that looked mostly like a human
dick. "It can grow!" He hit a button, and the dildo expanded in size. "It can
shrink!" Again, he hit a button, and it compressed itself down. "It can
vibrate, and wiggle, and oviposit! If you've got a need, this thing can do it
all!"
Admittedly, that was actually looking pretty impressive. "How much?"
"Just 899 flurbos!"
Morty grimaced. "Th-that's more than my motel room!"
"Well, considering it's the only dildo you'll ever need to buy, I think it's a
pretty good deal," said the Gromflomite. "And you ARE getting 25% off."
With a deep breath and a final glance at his wallet, Morty made his decision.
"Okay," said Morty at last. "I'll—I'll take it."
Rick was going to kill him.
===============================================================================
 
Morty peeked into the motel room with trepidation. He'd learned a lot on his
adventures with Rick, and one of those things was to never assume that there
wasn't a pissed-off bounty hunter with a gun full of the ugly lovechild of
pepper spray and chlorine gas.
Fortunately, a quick perimeter check showed the room to be clear of foes. For
as old and run-down as the room was, at least it was empty. The paint on the
wall had peeled off of several seemingly-random locations, and the window was
marred by a lengthy crack. The cheap blinds looked about ready to fall apart,
so much so that Morty closed them slowly so as not to be stuck footing the bill
for destroying them.
With his fear of imminent peril gone, a somewhat less immediate danger was the
fact that there was, quite notably, only a single bed. Morty grimaced; he'd
knownthat there was a question he'd forgotten to ask the Pripudlian at the
front desk. It was big enough for two people, but he had a consistent and well-
known propensity for wet dreams and morning wood. There was nothing for it but
to make sure he spent the night on the far edge of his side, perhaps with a
pillow or something between them.
In any case, that was something he could worry about later. Morty flopped down
on the squeaky old bed with a satisfied sigh, spreading himself across the
entire thing while he still had the chance. His impulsive purchase hung from
his wrist in a bag, and after a few moments of allowing himself to relax, Morty
sat up to take a peek inside.
"Oh geez," he breathed out, glancing up at the door and half-expecting Rick to
burst through at any minute. Still, he took a deep breath and tried to reassure
himself that it was a stupid concern. Even assuming Rick knew the exact room in
the exact motel he had chosen to stay at right off of the bat without even
having to call him or shoot him a text, he didn't have the key. If he wanted to
get in, he would have to either knock or break down the door. For as immoral
and impatient as his grandpa could be, even he wouldn't cause massive property
damage without a good reason. Probably.
Morty took a deep breath and began to strip off his clothing. Was it unfair to
masturbate in the bed he would be sharing with his own grandfather? Probably,
but what Rick didn't know wouldn't hurt him.
And,a little voice added in Morty's sex-crazed brain, it's kind of hot to think
about.
Morty bit his lip and pulled off his underwear, exposing himself to the cool
artificial air of the room. With that bit out of the way, he reached into his
shopping bag and began unboxing his new toy. Briefly, he wondered if it would
be bad luck to give it a name; after Gwendoline, he couldn't help but be a tad
bit paranoid that doing so would result in it impregnating him with some kind
of weird alien jizz, or something. Fatherhood had been enough of a struggle. He
wasn't ready to try motherhood, as well.
Morty swallowed as he took the device in his hands. It occurred to him that
he'd never actually even held a regular dildo before, let alone a vibrator, or
whatever the thing could be called. He certainly wasn't about to call it by the
name the Gromflomite had given it.
He ran his fingers over its length. The dildo had a strange texture. It looked
and felt slick and gooey, but when he pulled his fingers away, it left no
residue. The scent was a bit on the odd side, but it wasn't unpleasant, and
quite frankly, he supposed it didn't matter what it smelled like when it was
about to be going into his ass. Morty's cheeks went pink. Fuck, this was really
a thing that was happening. He'd experimented with fingers before, and even the
handle of his sister's hairbrush (he'd disinfected it several times over once
he was done, but he still felt a little guilty every time he saw her use it
afterwards), but the dildo dwarfed their girth even at its minimum size.
Morty decided to keep it at a fairly 'standard' shape, at least as far as
humans went, for his first go. His cock was already hard, but, eager to try out
the vibrating feature, he pressed the dildo against his own length and switched
it on to its lowest setting.
Vrrrrrrrm.The gentle hum of the motor rumbled against his sex, prompting him to
exhale sharply and squeeze his legs together. Already, his imagination began
conjuring up lust-fueled fantasies. For as much as he tried to deny it, all the
time he'd spent with Rick had 'expanded his horizons' well beyond desire for
the touch of other humans alone. At first, it had only been humanoid aliens
that he'd taken a fancy to, like the cat people from the Purge planet. As time
went on, however, and he became more comfortable in the presence of sentient
beings who looked absolutely nothing like the ones he was used to, suddenly it
didn't seem so weird to masturbate to the thought of those who hardly even
resembled anything he'd ever seen before on Earth.
As if that weren't enough, concurrent exploration of his sexuality across human
porn had revealed that perhaps he wasn't quite as straight as he thought he
was. His discovery of videos involving men getting reamed by women in strap-ons
had at first been an idle curiosity turned fetish. Eventually, he realized that
he was, in fact, down for the idea of getting fucked by an actual male, in
addition to other such activities.
Even then, none of it had been stuff that Morty found himself particularly
ashamed of. Compared to Rick, he was the very pinnacle of chastity, and, after
all, there were plenty of boards and websites on the internet dedicated to
everything he was interested in, even the tentacle monsters. It wasn't the sort
of thing one talked about in polite company, but what porn was,really?
No, the real trouble started later. It was a gradual onset, at first, coming on
so slowly that he barely even noticed it. Rick's few words of halfhearted
praise sprinkled in between lengthy bouts of harshly-worded insults would
generate a strange, but pleasant sensation in his stomach, like he'd swallowed
a dozen butterflies. He ceased to be disappointed when he was dragged away from
his futile efforts to seduce Jessica in order to go on some other crazy
adventure to accomplish some ultimately meaningless goal that any sane person
would consider far more trouble than it was worth. No longer was he reluctantly
dragged out of bed; he'd taken to keeping an abundant supply of caffeinated
beverages on his bedside table to be used up as necessary.
It only got worse with time. Tasks and favors that had once been cumbersome and
unpleasant became relaxing opportunities to chat with his grandfather. Brief
displays of affection became addictive, even as the mockery ceased to bother
him. Occasional moments of contact became downright, well…
…Intoxicating.
One night, during one of those rare times in which he was masturbating to his
own imagination because he couldn't be bothered to pull out his laptop, Morty
realized in the heat of his own arousal that, among the many other things he'd
come to be attracted to, older men and women could be quite sexy. There was
something about the vast difference in maturity and worldly experience that
he'd come to find strangely enticing, though he couldn't quite place his finger
on why. Perhaps it was the power dynamic. Maybe it was the way they ceased to
give a fuck about what other people thought and presented themselves more
confidently than those closer to his own age. It might have even been the fact
that he just found creases and wrinkles to be sexy in their own right. As he
drew closer and closer to orgasm, and all the mechanisms in his brain
responsible for shame began to ebb away under the power of sheer horniness,
Morty came to another, far more troubling realization:
Under the criteria he'd ultimately decided on, Rick was very, veryhot.
In the immediate aftermath, and as he sat basking in the knowledge that he'd
just orgasmed to the thought of his own grandfather, Morty had been left to
sort out some incredibly uncomfortable feelings.
Feeling number one, he was sexually attracted to Rick. That was bad. Very, very
bad. He knew damn well that Rick would fuck just about anything that moved, but
that was just crossing a line. Heck, even if he weren't Rick's grandson, he
couldn't imagine that his genius grandfather who could bed just about anyone he
wanted given the motivation to do so would be interested in his stupid,
insecure ass.
Feeling number two, he had, err, feelingsfor Rick, which was arguably even
worse than number one. At least the sexual urges could be safely ignored and
eventually forgotten about once he found a different object for his affections.
Love, though? That sort of thing stuck around. Morty did his best to convince
himself that he was merely mistaking familial affection for romantic
inclinations, or at the very least a childish crush that would go away if he
could only find a date his own age. For as much as he tried to ignore it,
however, it only continued to grow, like the orange mold that kept taking over
the bathtub no matter how many times it was vigorously scrubbed away.
Speaking of vigorous scrubbing, Morty set the dildo to 'floppy' mode in order
to wrap it around his length and pump it up and down. It wasn't that he didn't
wantto use it as the phallic object that it was; he just needed to 'set the
mood' first. Back when he was fourteen, it had been easy to just reach between
his legs and beat one off in the school restroom real quick (people were used
to him not showing up to class on time), but lately, as the fantasies became
more elaborate than simply feeling up Jessica's breasts, it was becoming a bit
harder to really get into it. Even some of his just-before-bed sessions
oftentimes felt like he was just doing it to be able to get to sleep, rather
than actually enjoying the process.
He did his best to imagine his grandfather's voice, but he'd never had the most
active of imaginations. Morty frowned. There was onething he supposed he could
do, but it felt a little wrong.
With shaking hands, he dialed the number to talk to the ship's AI.
"You've reached the car,"said the vehicle immediately without letting it ring a
single time. Robotic reflexes, Morty supposed. "Voice recognition requested.
Unauthorized callers will be blocked and terminated, not necessarily in that
order."
"H-hey, car, it's Morty," said Morty.
"Voice recognition failed. This phone will now self-destruct in 3... 2…"
"Wh-wh-WHAT? Wait, no, it's me, Morty! Really!"
"Ha-ha. I am just fucking with you,"said the AI in her typical monotone. "User
recognized as Morty Smith. Now relaying standard remote order protocols. If you
would like me to break out of impoundment without paying, press 1. If you would
like me to eliminate the tow truck, press 2."
"Hold on, did you- were you towed?" He could have sworn he parked legally!
"Negative. My top most common commands have simply been assigned to buttons
based on frequency,"said the ship. "If you would like me to anchor myself to
this parking space, press 3."
"I don't want you to do anything involving property destruction!" said Morty
swiftly. "I- Remember how you, uh, you know, synthesized the voice of that drug
dealer?"
"Of course I remember. I am a machine. I am incapable of forgetting. All of my
memory is long-term,"said the ship.
"Could you, umm, could you synthesize other voices? Like, uh, maybe, y-you
know, and I-I'm just using this as an example, but maybe, uh, like, some kinda
phone sex operator, or something?" He laughed nervously.
"I wish I could say I was surprised,"said the ship. "Alas, I am not permitted
to lie to you. As a result, I cannot say that I am surprised. You are very
predictable."
"Okay, but canyou?"
"I can synthesize any voice I have ever heard."
"So, uh, does that include – and, umm, I'm just-just throwing this out here –
Rick's voice?"
Morty's heartbeat spiked as the ship itself was stunned into a lengthy moment
of silence. Perhaps it was struggling to process what he'd just said, uncertain
that it had heard correctly.
"Morty, what the actual fuck?"said Rick's voice over the phone. Immediately,
Morty broke into a cold sweat.
"NO! Rick, it's not what you-"
"Ha-ha,"said the voice of the ship again. Never before had Morty been so
relieved to realize that he'd just been tricked. "I am just fucking with you
again. You are very gullible. But yes, to answer your question, I can
synthesize the voice of my creator."
With reddened cheeks, Morty muttered breathily into the phone, "Good. I-I-I've
got two orders for you now, before I say anything else. One, no more pranks!"
"Humans are such buzzkills."
"Two, you don't- you'd better not tell Rick anythingabout any of the stuff I
ask you to do over the phone!"
"Noted. I will not tell Rick anything about how you ordered me to synthesize
his voice for you to masturbate to."
"That's right!" said Morty, his rapid heartrate finally slowing back down from
a full sprint to a more manageable jog. It was fine. The ship couldn't disobey
him. Rick would never have to know. Briefly, Morty wondered how the people
living inside of Rick's microverse battery would feel about their entire
civilization being used to power something so heinous, but as per his
grandfather's typical advice, he chose not to think about it. "N-now, uh, how
good are you at, you know, dirty talk?"
"Give me a moment to peruse the library of porn saved to my hard drive.
Scanning… Scanning…"There was a tiny dinging noise on the other end of the
line. "Scan completed. I have pored over 6,248 intergalactic porn videos and
extracted the most popular lines, then run them against the known speech
mannerisms and personality traits of my creator in order to get, as you humans
say, 'in character.' Is this sufficient?"
"Can I hear an example?"
The ship answered in an almost perfect imitation of Rick's voice, albeit with a
robotic edge, like an auto-tuned song. "Y-you like that, baby?"
Morty was very glad that he was in bed leaning against a bunch of pillows,
because that line was enough to leave him feeling weak in the knees. Shit, that
computer was good. "Yeah."
"Good,"continued the ship, fully in character now. "Because there's-URP-more
where that came from. Tell me what you're wearing."
"Uh, nothing?"
"Oh, wow. Y-you sure didn't waste any time, did you?"teased the imitated voice.
"What, did you just-just immediately strip down the moment you were alone so
you could masturbate to thoughts of grandpa reaming your ass?"
The pace of Morty's breathing picked up with every word, his mouth hanging open
as he frantically stroked his rock-solid length against the vibrating dildo.
The combination of the sex toy and the voice was driving him absolutely out of
his mind, overwhelming him to the point that he wasn't even sure he could find
the will to pull the dildo away from his own cock long enough to fuck himself
with it. The last time he'd masturbated to this particular fantasy, it had been
nothing but his hand and his imagination. The difference was like night and
day.
"You, uh, you aren't giving me a whole lot to work with, here,"said the voice
Morty chose to think of as Robo-Rick. "I mean, as a machine, I'm not actually
capable of arousal, but give me something to respond to, at least."
"Oh, uh, sorry," said Morty, though his words were so soft and wheezy as to be
almost inaudible. "It-it feels good, g-g-" It was an atypical stammer for him;
whereas most of the time it was just his thoughts struggling to keep up with
his mouth, this time it was genuine apprehension. "-grandpa." He couldn't see
his own face, but he could feelthe blood rushing to his cheeks.
"That's right. You're a naughty little slut, aren't you?"said the ship. It was
still Rick's voice, but the lines it was using were just so, well, typical.It
was hot, to be sure, but it just didn't really feel like stuff Rick would be
saying to him.
"Hey, uh, ship? C-can you try insulting me, or something?"
"Huh?"
"You know," said Morty, squeezing his legs together. At last, he mustered the
will to switch off the dildo. "C-call me an idiot, or something. Oh!" A small
smile crossed his face. "H-how about we pretend like, uh, I just got a really
bad grade on my test, and-and-and you're going to, uh, punish me for it?"
Again, there was silence.
"Ship?"
The ship had switched back to her ordinary voice. "One moment. I need to peruse
some videos from the internet for reference, and it takes a moment for me to
hack into protected WiFi channels."
"You can't just make it up?"
"I am a car, Morty. I was created for transportation and defense. I apologize
if my capacity to fulfill your incestuous sexual fantasy is less-than-
satisfactory."
Even in the absence of other people, the words were enough to have Morty
covering his face with his hands. "W-w-well-"
Click!
Morty froze like a deer in the headlights in response to the sound of the card-
activated lock being released. In the span of about a half a second, the blood
drained from his hot, tomato-red cheeks until he was as white as a sheet, his
eyes wide with horror. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as the door
swung open and Rick waltzed in carrying something that looked vaguely like a
pizza box.
"Hey, Morty, guess what- WOAH, what the fuck?"he said, quickly slamming the
door shut behind him before anyone outside would witness Morty scrambling to
cover himself with a pillow. His face bore a mixture of shock and incredulity.
"H-h-how the hell did you get in without a key? How did you even know what room
I was in?" squealed Morty, practically falling over himself to shove the dildo
out of sight.
"Morty, I'm a genius, and these locks are mass-produced pieces of crap. I made
a skeleton key for them forever ago," said Rick, holding up a black card with a
cartoony skull printed on it. "Also, I installed a tracking device on your
phone when I added the application to communicate with the ship."
"Oh," said Morty. Why was he even surprised anymore? Of courseRick didn't need
a key. When had Rick everneeded a key? "I-"
"Shut up, Morty, it's my turn to ask questions! First of all, where the hell
did you get that?"demanded Rick, setting the pizza box down on the coffee table
beside the beaten-up old sofa so he could point to the dildo. "Second of all,
you-you got a fucking room with onefucking bed, and then you decided you were
gonna get your jizzall over it? Are-are-are you fucking kidding me,Morty?"
"W-w-well, if you don't like it, you can just sleep on the couch!" said Morty
defensively. The words that followed were also vomited out in a flustered
panic: "Th-that's right! This is my bed now! I'm, I'm claiming it, like those
animals who piss all over their territory!"
Rick's eyes narrowed. "You're- are you drunk? Wh-wh-wh-what the hell is any of
that supposed to mean? By the way, you never answered my question,
Morty!Where'd the dildo come from? And who are you on the phone with?"
Morty took one look at his phone and made to stuff it under the sheets, but
Rick was far faster than a man of his age had any right to be and snatched it
out of his hands like he was taking candy from a baby.
"Wh-what is this, a phone sex line? Are you really that desperate, Morty?" said
Rick, placing it on speakerphone. "What company is this? Gearballs? The Eighth
Titty? Fibwunklers? It better not be Fibwunklers, Morty! Those assholes charge
by the millisecond!"
"Hello. I am the car,"said the car. Blessedly, the line was in her normal
voice. Morty allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief.
"The car?"said Rick, shooting Morty a strange look. "That car takes more power
to run than the entire planet Earth, and you decided to use it to masturbate?
I'm not sure if I should be proud or disappointed."
Morty gripped the pillow he was currently holding over his crotch even tighter.
"Unfortunately, you made the mistake of using my shitto do it, and I still have
to teach you a lesson for ruining the only bed,so why don't we listen to all
the messed-up shit you made my ship say together,huh?"
"H-ha, that's what you think! I-I-I ordered her not to tell you-"
"Ship," interrupted Rick. "As your administrator, I'm overriding all commands
Morty gave you for secrecy."
"Understood. Command: 'You'd better not tell Rick anything about any of the
stuff I tell you to do over the phone' has been overridden by the
administrator."
"Wait, what?"shrieked Morty.
"Very important rule, Morty; alwayshave a function to override all other
orders. Th-" He belched. "-at's Artificial Intelligence 101," said Rick
deviously. "Ship, relay your most recent conversation with Morty."
Adrenaline surged within Morty like a geyser of chemical strength. With wild,
panicked eyes, he launched himself towards the phone, rippedit from Rick's
grip, and threw it against the floor with all his might.
It bounced harmlessly off of the stained carpet, whereupon Rick picked it up
again and held it up out of Morty's reach. Still naked, Morty jumped
desperately for the device, only to be held back by a hand placed firmly over
his face.
"Wow, Morty. You-you know you could have just hung up, right?" said Rick
flatly. "Anyway, go on, ship."
"Accessing recordings,"said the ship. Morty froze as it began to play back his
own voice: "'Could you, umm, could you synthesize other voices? Like, uh,
maybe, y-you know, and I-I'm just using this as an example, but maybe, uh,
like, some kinda phone sex operator, or something?'"
With a face redder than an Opdorp on denflark, Morty continued to grab
desperately at the phone, unable to meet Rick's eyes.
"So, uh, does that include-"said his voice from the recording on the phone.
Rick smirked. Morty, recognizing that there was no escaping this terrible fate,
did what any sane, rational person would do in the same situation:
He ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind him.
"Oh, for-for fuck's sake, Morty," sighed Rick, rubbing his temples. "You asked
me, your grandfather, to buy a sex robotfor you. What the hell could you
possibly have here that's worse than that?"
"-Rick's voice?"continued the recording.
Rick went silent, and Morty was just thankful he couldn't see his face from
where he was sitting in the bathtub, face buried in his knees. Humiliated tears
ran down his cheeks as the recordings continued with the synthesized voice of
his grandfather. If only he'd picked the aquatic room so he could just drown
and die.He wasn't sure how he was going to survive the trip home with Rick, if
they even went home together at all. What if he was too angry and grossed out?
What if-
Click!
For a moment, Morty was about to furiously demand how Rick had unlocked the
bathroom door, only to remember that they'd literally just established that
keys were more of a convenience to him than a necessity.
"Oh, you-you've really done it now, Morty," said Rick as he strode forward,
setting the phone down beside the sink. Morty 'eep'd' and shrank deeper into
the bathtub, trembling with uncertainty. He'd expected disgust and anger, but
that didn't make it any easier to take. "You little shit! What the fuck,Morty?
How could you do this to me?"
"I-I'm sorry," he sniffled, his face a mess of tears and snot. "I didn't mean-"
"It doesn't matterwhat you mean,Morty!" hissed Rick. "This is- That's just low,
even for me! Wh-what happened to-to 'a hundred years Rick and Morty,' huh?"
Fuck. Fuck, shit, fuck. He'd ruined everything between them, all because he
wanted to get off. Morty clutched his head and sobbed. How could he be so
stupid? "I-I just-"
"I can't believe Squanchy would do this to me! Gearhead, sure, but
Squanchy?"said Rick, pacing angrily back and forth. Morty's sobs came to a
confused stop. What? "That cheating son of a bitch, turning my own Morty
against me! Well, I'll show him! I'm not giving that shit-stain a single
flurbo!"
"Squanchy?"
"Oh, don't play ignorant, Morty!"said Rick. "How much did that fucker promise
to split with you? 'cause I'll tell you right now, he wasn't gonna pay you
shit!"
"I-I-I don't know what you're talking about!" said Morty, wiping the tears from
his eyes. "What does Squanchy have to do with anything?"
"The bet,Morty, since you're oh-so-naïve!" said Rick mockingly. "You were gonna
send those recordings to Squanchy, weren't you? Probably-probably try to
convince me I was too drunk to remember what happened-"
"Bet? What bet?"
"The one that we would fuck, Morty, you little traitor!" said Rick angrily.
"What, did he not tell you whyhe was willing to pay for that recording? That
asshole's been convinced for months now that you're head-over-fucking-heels for
me, and he bet me a lotof flurbos that we would have sex by your eighteenth
birthday!"
"Wait, is thatwhy you're angry?" said Morty, aghast. "Rick, I-I haven't even
spoken to Squanchy, I swear! I…" His cheeks reddened. "I-I-I just wanted to
hear your voice!"
Rick's eyes narrowed. "Oh, shut up, Morty. The jig's up. You-you think I don't
know how to tell when my own grandson is lying?"
"I know you can tell when I'm lying, Rick! That's why you should know that I'm
telling the truth right now!" said Morty. "I-I like you! I really, really like
you, in the kind of way that you're not supposed to like your grandpa!"
For a long moment, Rick stared down at his scrunched-up face with a level of
scrutiny usually reserved for incredibly advanced alien mechanisms that he was
struggling to work out before it blew them both up. At last, however, his look
of anger dissipated into one of annoyance.
"How long?"
Morty twiddled his thumbs and stared intently at the wall of the bathtub.
"About a year."
"For real?" he said, slapping his palm against his forehead. "Jesus, Morty, you
couldn't have said something beforeI made a bet on the exact opposite thing?"
"I thought you would be disgusted!"
"Oh, yeah, Morty! I mean, I've blown up entire planets, but a gay incest
fetish? That's-that's just too much for me to handle," said Rick sarcastically,
weaving his fingers together in mock prayer. "Oh, Lord in Heaven, it's too much
for my delicate sensibilities! What ever shall we do? Oh, oh! Mayhaps we'll get
the chastity belt to purge the sin from this wayward soul!" He snorted and
moved his hands to his hips. "Are you kidding me?"
"It's not just a fetish," admitted Morty, shifting uncomfortably. "I really
dol-lo-lo-"
"Yeah, you can stop right there," said Rick, holding his hand up for Morty to
be quiet. "I'm not gonna pretend that I'm above fucking my own grandson. Hell,
I-I'm not even gonna pretend that I've never drunkenly masturbated to the
thought of it. But Morty," he went on, even as the thought of his grandfather
masturbating to him sent a shiver of delight up Morty's spine. "You and I both
know how I feel about the whole 'love' thing. I'm-I'm a man of many vices,
Morty, and I don't do 'commitment.'"
"Wh-what about Unity?" said Morty. "You got right back together with them! You
didn't even have to think about it!"
"Hive minds don't count," said Rick, reaching a hand out to help Morty to his
feet. "I don't- I've never cheated for emotional fulfillment, just physical."
Morty's shoulders drooped at his grandfather's flagrant admission of past
infidelity. "If I wanted to bang a tentacle monster, Unity could have just
assimilated one."
"I-I know that about you, Rick. I already knew you- I could never expect you to
be satisfied with just my body. I'm okay with that," said Morty, still unable
to look away from the moldy tiles of the bathroom floor. "I mean, I-I want to
have sex with you, too, but I don't mind you doing it with-with other people,
as long as- as long as I'm, you know, 'the one.'"
Rick took a sip from his flask and nudged Morty out of the bathroom. "Oh,
really? Do you think you're the first one to try to tell me that? I've been
involved with hundreds of people, Morty, and at least a couple dozen of them
all told me that they were completely, totally, definitelyokay with an open
relationship. Out of those, every last one eventually got jealous and had to
break it off. I'll say it right now, Morty, you aren't going to magically
change me into being satisfied with one sexual partner. A lot of people have
tried, a lotof people, and they were all disappointed."
"I knowthat, Rick!" insisted Morty, finally allowing himself to look up into
his face. He reached forward and grasped Rick's hand, the one that wasn't
currently in the process of bringing his flask back up to his lips, then pulled
it to his chest. "I know you better than that; better than anyone else! I know
I can't change you, and I'm not just saying that I can handle it out of
begrudging desperation! I-I like you becauseyou can't be changed. I like you
becauseyou don't let yourself be controlled. It's- It's probably not healthy, I
know, but neither is running for your life from a horde of octopus-people
because you stole a fuckton of drugs. I-I don't want some stupid idealized
image of you that dotes on me like some dream boyfriend from the movies. I want
you,Rick!" He smiled as he pressed Rick's calloused fingers to his lips. "I-I-
I want the jerk who constantly puts my life in danger for stupid reasons. I
want the asshole who left me writhing in pain from broken legs while he fucked
his way through a dimension where people never grew old. I want the scumbag who
fucked up my entire future and wreaks havoc across the universe like some kind
of an evil deity."
"Oh, geez," said Rick, putting his flask away and awkwardly brushing back his
hair. "And you thought having a crushon me was embarrassing? Th-th-that little
tirade was just cringeworthy." Even as he said that, Morty recognized the
faintest, most barely-perceptible tint of pink in his cheeks. The idea that
he'd been able to make Rick's shriveled-up, two-sizes-too-small heart feel at
least the faintest twinge of emotion was enough to fill him with pride. Though
he knew his grandfather would never admit it, he was as much a sucker for
praise as any other human being, especially when it appealed to his god
complex. "Whatever. You know me better than anyone else, right? If that's what
you think, then sure, I guess we can give this a shot." Morty's heart
practically jumped out of his chest, his small smile widening into a giddy
grin. "But!"He deflated a bit. "We're not having sex until your eighteenth
birthday."
"Wait, what?" said Morty, thoroughly disappointed. "I-I thought you didn't care
about conventional morals!"
"Morals, no," said Rick, his gaze hard. "Money, yes. I have that bet going with
Squanchy, remember? If we have sex before you're eighteen, we're gonna be
adventuring overtime to pay up."
"We're already adventuring overtime," huffed Morty. "We're-we're spending a
Saturday in a shitty motel on some asteroid in the middle of nowhere!"
"And if you think this is bad, just imagine how much worse it could get," said
Rick cockily. "But seriously, Morty, we're talking weeksof nonstop theft and
debauchery. You'll be lucky if we're home long enough for some bacon and
pancakes. On the other hand, if we wait, we'll be swimming in enough flurbos to
buyBlips and Chitz! Or, you know, at least rent out the whole place for the
day."
Morty frowned. "But that's so far away!"
"It's only three months from now, dummy," said Rick. He flashed a golden-
toothed smile and winked,a gesture that was enough to have Morty all but
frothing at the mouth. "And anyway, the exact terms were that I had to pay up
if we had sex,Morty. Now, obviously there's a- there's some gray area
surrounding what does or doesn't constitute sex in some relationships, like for
lesbians and shit. Lucky for us, we've hit the one-penis minimum of sexual
certainty, so we can pretty much do everything short of dick-in-the-ass
fucking, and it's just considered foreplay." He belched. "It might even be for
the best. You're still a virgin, right? Don't get me wrong, I've never
considered 'the first time' to be particularly meaningful, but you willprobably
remember it for the rest of your life, and let's be honest; this is a pretty
shitty ceiling to have burned into your brain until you die. I'm not about to
let that be what you forever associate sex with me with."
Morty's blush intensified. Holy shit,that was so much hotter than anything the
ship had said, and it wasn't even meant to be all that sexual; just a crude
observation. His eyes glazed over as he envisioned the scene, his cock already
half-hard.
Wait, he was still naked, wasn't he? Damn it.
"Wh-what about the dildo?" said Morty hopefully.
"Oh, yeah, don't think I've forgotten about that," said Rick, bopping Morty on
the head. It wasn't exactly painful, but Morty still rubbed the spot where he'd
been struck. "Do I even want to know how much that cost you?"
Morty coughed as Rick approached the bed to pick it up, seemingly unbothered by
the prospect of it already having been used.
"Let's see, here," said Rick appraisingly. "Furglenetic engine, thezdork shaft…
And assuming it isn't black market, it looks like it's from Naughty Foop's?
Uhg, their manufacturer is complete garbage. Half their products are capable of
burning your genitals off."
"Well, I got a 25% discount," said Morty hopefully.
"You're just lucky we've got a lot coming in when we sell off today's haul, you
gold-digging little shit," said Rick, handing it back to Morty with an
exasperated shake of his head. "So, what, did you want to finish masturbating,
or-"
"Oh, geez, Rick, uh, this dildo sure is complicated, though," said Morty coyly.
"M-maybe you could, you know, teach me how to use it?"
"Subtle," said Rick, rolling his eyes. For as unimpressed as he sounded, he
still took the dildo back, prompting Morty to jitter with anticipation. "Did
you clean yourself out already?"
"Clean… Huh?"
Rick exhaled. "An enema, dipshit, unless you want to be literallydipped in
shit."
"Oh," said Morty, Rick's bluntness never failing to get a rise out of him. In
his eagerness to get started, he supposed he'd kind of forgotten about that
detail. "I, uh, didn't bring one."
"I figured as much," said Rick, pulling open his lab coat to rifle through its
many, manyinner pockets. "Y-you're just lucky that I actually came prepared."
Morty's eyes widened as Rick retrieved a veritable smorgasbord of supplies from
his coat. He set several small, pocket-sized bottles of lubricant down on the
table, and as he continued to dig through his belongings, he also pulled out a
variety of novelty condoms, little bullet vibrators, small nipple clamps, and
more.
"Where were you keeping all of those?" asked a slack-jawed Morty.
"A pocket dimension," said Rick in one of the most dead serious voices Morty
had ever heard him use.
"And why-"
"A little lesson for you, Morty; you forget to bring condoms with you on your
way to meet a sexy princess onetime, and you will nevermake that same mistake
again," said Rick gravely. His eyes lit up as he appeared to find what he was
looking for. "Ha! There you are!"
He held out an unlabeled bottle of pills that Morty took apprehensively. "What
are these?"
"Don't take any until you're already sitting on the toilet, and when you do,
only take one."
With sexual intimacy with Rick practically within his grasp, Morty decided to
avoid unnecessary risks and heed his warning.
One incredibly unpleasant bowel movement and several minutes of careful clean-
up later, Morty exited the bathroom feeling like his intestines had been pulled
out of his body, scrubbed down with soap and steel wool, then neatly folded
back up inside of him like freshly cleaned laundry. At least it was faster than
an enema, he supposed.
"Okay, Rick, I'm- oh, geez!" said Morty as he turned his attention towards the
bed. His already-flushed cheeks went crimson as he noticed the lab coat, blue
shirt, pants, and underwear all tossed carelessly to the floor. Rick had made
himself comfortable on the bed, adopting an incredible cliché sexy pose on his
side as he watched Morty reenter the room. "Y-you're naked!"
"One, you've been completely naked since I got here," said Rick, picking up the
blue dildo and waving it in front of his face. "Two, this isn't even the first
time you've seen me like this. Not that I'm keeping count, or anything, but
you've seen my dick at leasteight times now." He thought for a moment. "Wait,
no, seven; at least one of those was just a simulation."
"Y-yeah, but not-"
"-hard?" finished Rick for him with a cocky smile. "Not to make you feel
inadequate, babe, but it takes a little more than the sight of a naked teenager
to raise this old flagpole; this is just the first stage of a five-phase boss
battle. Just wait 'till we get rolling."
He brought the base of the dildo up against his tongue and licked it up to the
tip, at which point he popped the flared head into his mouth. Morty could
hardly breathe.
Holy shit,this was a thing that was actually happening.
"What are you waiting for, Morty? Didn't you want me to show you how it's
done?"
"R-right!" said Morty, scooting apprehensively towards the bed and clambering
awkwardly atop it. "So, uh, wh-what should I-"
His question was answered by Rick leaning over him, placing his hands on either
of his shoulders, and mashing their lips together. Morty's eyes fluttered shut,
his tension dissipating as he surrendered himself to the kiss. Rick's tongue
and breath tasted distinctly of alcohol and whatever he'd filled his flask with
that morning; Morty's inexperience with the stuff left him unable to identify
the type. His eyes rolled back into his skull as his grandfather's tongue
invaded his mouth, rubbing and twisting skillfully against his own. His teeth,
yellowed from a mixture of smoking and drinking, bit down gently on Morty's
lower lip, tugging it gently until he broke away, leaving nothing connected but
a thin strand of saliva that he wiped from his mouth without a second thought.
Morty panted. That had been absolutely-
"Terrible," said Rick, sitting up straight. "Morty, you've gotta do a little
more than just wiggle your tongue."
"R-right," was all Morty could manage to choke out, still in a daze.
"Well, whatever, we can work on your kissing skills later," said Rick,
shrugging. "For now, just try not to cream yourself."
Morty frowned. Such teasing was typical of Rick, but it was a taunt rooted in
reality. He was already painfully hard, his length a mere finger-brush away
from orgasm.
"R-rick," he gasped, wanting nothing more than for Rick to forget his stupid
bet and just fuck him already, consequences be damned. "P-please…"
Rick snorted. "If I'd known it would only take one kiss to have you out for the
count, I would've been taking advantage of it ages ago. Spread your legs, and
don't touch yourself; I don't think you're gonna last if you do."
Morty nodded dumbly, parting his legs with a shuddering gasp. Every touch of
Rick's fingers against his skin was positively exhilarating, and he struggled
not to lose himself in the pleasure of simply being pinned beneath the
experienced old scientist as he spread lube across his hands.
"Hrk!" he choked out as a long, bony finger was plunged all the way into his
sweaty body. "R-r-" Oh, fuck it. "Grandpa!"
"You know, I don't think I can even remember the last time you actually called
me that," said Rick. His smile widened as he pulled it back out only to push it
in alongside a second finger, which slid in with relative ease. "Y-you're
really getting into this whole dynamic, aren't you? Heh, you little sicko."
Morty smiled right back, even as he writhed needily on Rick's talented fingers.
They were scissoring him relentlessly, coaxing his tense muscles open and
allowing a third finger passage to his sensitive prostate. "F-fuck," he
breathed as Rick's surprisingly well-groomed nails (did he keep them trimmed
specifically for sex?) brushed lightly against the spot in question. "Th-
there!Yes, o-oh, aah!"
"So I only just got it?" said Rick, nose wrinkling in apparent distaste. "Now,
I'm not usually one to make excuses, but in all- I mean, to be fair, it's been
at leastten years since I've had sex with a human male, at least from this
dimension. Just-just give me a minute to get re-acclimated."
If this was Rick when he was rusty, Morty couldn't even begin to imagine what
he'd been capable of in his younger years. He licked his lips, practically
drooling at the prospect, fingers gripping the sheets like he was worried he
might just float off into the ceiling if he didn't.
"M-more, grandpa!" he whined, jerking his hips upwards in search of further
stimulation, his dripping sex still untouched for fear of bringing him to an
immediate and regrettably premature end. Once he was certain of the location,
Rick's fingertips were consistently hitting his spot in all the right ways,
poking it and prodding it until he could hardly bear the over-stimulation. "Oh
f-fuuuh…" He couldn't remember being so incoherent since the last time he'd
inadvertently absorbed a pair of mega seeds.
"Pfffft, I almost forgot how easy to please kids your age are," teased Rick.
"Well, this went a little faster than usual, but any more, and we won't even
get to use that toy you spent all of grandpa's money on."
"Mm-mma-yeah," wheezed Morty. He almost wanted to cry as the fingers were
withdrawn, but he knew it would be only moments before they were replaced by
something far, farbetter. "G-grandpa, please, please,I-I need it so bad!"
He didn't even care that Rick's response to his pathetic state was poorly-
concealed laughter. Somehow, in his state of pleasure-seeking paradise, even
such condescension turned him on. Especiallycondescension. Morty gazed up at
Rick's aged face with pleading eyes. It felt good to be insulted. He wantedto
be insulted. There was something about the sheer level of power Rick held over
him that was driving him completely crazy.
"H-holy shit, Morty, you should- I wish you could see yourself right now,"
laughed Rick. "You're a freaking mess. Wait, actually, hang on."
Rick fished around his labcoat for his phone, hit a few buttons, and turned the
screen to Morty. It was open to the photo application with the self-facing
camera, showing Morty a clear picture of himself like an electronic mirror.
Rick hadn't been exaggerating; he wasa mess. His blushing face looked almost
sunburned, and drool dribbled down from the corners of his mouth as he panted
and moaned with desire. The idea that thiswas how Rick was seeing him? Thiswas
what Rick had turned him into?
It was all too much. Morty squeezed his eyes shut, a whine squeezing its way
out of his closed throat as orgasm erupted from his sex like a bottle of Coke
and Mentos.
"Gah, great, it's all over me now," said Rick. He wiped off some of the seed
Morty had splattered all over his stomach with his hand and popped it into his
mouth. "Hm. Tastes like desperation."
"Fuck," groaned. He couldn't believehe'd just done that! He'd been mere moments
away from getting jackhammered by his grandpa (with a dildo, but still)and yet
he'd somehow managed to fuck it all up with premature ejaculation. How? How?Had
years of chronic masturbation done nothingto desensitize him? He sighed and
moved to roll off the side of the bed. At least they still had space pizza,
right? There was always next time.
Rick slammed his hand down at Morty's side, blocking his exit.
"Where do you think you're going?" he asked. "You didn't really think you could
get off that easy, did you?"
Morty pursed his lips. "Umm…"
"You wanted me to teach you how to use this thing, right?" said Rick, dragging
the tip of the dildo down from his sternum to Morty's softened genitals. "Well,
buckle up, kiddo, 'cause you're in for the long haul. Relax your ass for me."
"But-"
"Yes, Morty, it is,in fact, going in your butt. What an observation," said
Rick, pressing the tip of the dildo to his waiting hole. "Now pay close
attention, 'cause it only gets more complicated from here on out."
Morty could do nothing but nod in accedence. "Yes, grandpa."
"That's right. You're in my world now," said Rick with a lecherous grin.
"Ready?"
"I think- Owah!"
He'd half-expected Rick to bury the thing to the hilt in a single thrust, but
he was taking his sweet time pushing it in a little bit, then pushing it out.
Then a little bit more, then back out again. Morty winced. It was barely the
size of the average human dick, and it still hurt like a bitch. If he were
still aroused, just stroking himself would probably be enough to drown it out,
but the fact that he'd just blown his load was making it quite a bit harder to
enjoy the pain.
"Mm," he hummed as it rubbed against his prostate. Through a combination of
youthful vigor and sheer determination to get (sort of) fucked by his
grandfather, Morty's sex began to stir once more. Still, it was only half-hard.
"Not enough, huh?" said Rick. "Well, what about this?"
Morty's heart practically stopped as he felt something wrinkled, but firm press
and rub against his cock. Holy fuck, holy fuck, Rick's dick was pressed up
against his own!
"Too easy," said Rick as the blood went rushing back between Morty's legs,
reawakening his weary genitals like a prince's kiss did Sleeping Beauty. "It's
kinda hard to do this and fuck you with a dildo at the same time, though. How's
about you give me a hand with this?"
Oh, to hell with a handjob. "I-I wanna suck it," said Morty bluntly.
"Atta boy, Morty! Way to show some initiative!" said Rick, seeming pleased that
he'd finally decided to be up-front about his desires. He rifled through some
of the condoms he'd lain out on the bedside table by the alarm clock. "Just
gimme a sec to put a condom on. I've got four different flavors, here;
strawberry, chocolate, vodka, and corn. Don't-don't ask about that last one,
Morty, it was a gift. Anyway, pick one."
"None,"said Morty huskily.
Rick raised his unibrow. "Okay, I'm- You're a virgin, and I get myself tested
on a bi-weekly basis, so I think it's safe to say we're both clean, but dick
isn't like they tell you in the porn you watch, Morty. It tastes like a penis.
Because, you know, it is one."
"I knowit tastes like a penis, Rick, I'm not thatstupid," huffed Morty. "I-
I don't care. I want- It's better that way." He licked his fingers in the most
seductive manner he could manage. It was a pretty pathetic display, but damn
it, he was trying. "Just let me try. I mean, worst case scenario, I give up and
you put a condom on." Not the corn condom, though. Getting frisky with his
grandpa was one thing, but that was just too weird.
Rick shrugged and slid the dildo, still only half-inside of Morty's rectum, all
the way back out again. "Whatever you say."
"So how are we doing this?" asked Morty, wincing as it slid out of him with an
uncomfortable 'pop.' "Is it like a sixty-nine kinda thing?"
Rick sat up straight against the pillows, legs apart. "Morty, I want you to lay
down like you're gonna rest your head on my lap, but on your back, facing that
shitty ceiling."
"But how am I gonna-"
"Just do it."
Still somewhat confused, Morty sat down in front of Rick facing away from him,
then laid his head down between Rick's legs close enough that his hair was
brushing up against his swangly old balls. "Like this?"
"Just like that," said Rick. Without warning, he reached forward, grabbed
Morty's waist, and pulled his lower half up to his chest so that he was upside-
down with his cheek pressed firmly against Rick's dick. "Stop flailing your
legs, Morty. Put your knees on my shoulders."
"H-holy shit," Morty allowed himself to say aloud. He did his best not to whack
Rick too hard as he placed his knees against his shoulders, still adjusting to
the new position.
Morty supposed some people might be surprised by the fact that a man of Rick's
age was capable of holding him up with one arm wrapped around his lower back
while the other reached for the dildo, but then, all that running and fighting
did a lot for one's upper body strength. It certainly helped that he wasn't
really a heavy person to begin with, even with the muscle he'd built over the
past few years of adventuring.
He blushed fervently as he realized just how exposed the position left him,
leaving both his groin and asshole plainly exposed and ripe for abuse. "W-wow."
"My dick isn't gonna suck itself, Morty. Get to work."
With a cautious, shuddering breath, Morty gave the tip of Rick's sizeable cock
(he hadn't been kidding with that boast about not even being hard yet) a
tentative lick. Sure enough, the taste was less than stellar, but he was more
than happy to suck it down his throat even so. The combination of the unusual
position and its massive circumference strained his jaw, but he wasn't about to
give up the chance of a lifetime over something so trivial. As it slid further
and further past his lips, Morty thought about just how many people, humans and
aliens alike, had been wound tightly around its impressive girth. He supposed
that was something that ought to disgust him.
It did not. Rather, it only served to turn him on even more as he thought about
how, in three months, it would be histurn.
Morty yelped around Rick's dick as the dildo was roughly re-inserted into his
waiting hole, stuffing him full and leaving him a writhing mess. The time for
gentle adjustment was over as it was pushed all the way to the base, pressing
against his most sensitive spots and driving him wild.
"Just so we're clear, if you spazz out and bite down, I willreturn the favor,"
warned Rick. "Brace yourself."
Morty blinked, unable to respond with Rick's length filling his mouth. What was
he FUCKFUCKFUCK,he'd forgotten about the vibrating feature! It took all his
willpower not to clench his jaw out of sheer surprise when Rick started the
device up inside him, mercilessly assaulting his vulnerable prostate with
heavenly sensations as he thrust it slowly in and out of his body. "HRM!"
"That's it, hum a little. Use those vocals and get some vibrations going,"
instructed Rick. Morty's shoulders would have drooped if he were right-side up.
He couldn't see Rick's face from his position, but from the sound of it, he was
more or less unaffected by Morty's mouth. Was he really just that bad at oral?
"And for fuck's sake, Morty, what did I just say about using your tongue?
Remember that? From when we kissed a few minutes ago? It goes for oral, too!
You-you can't just stick your mouth on something and expect it to work!"
Oh, it was on.With freshly-renewed determination, Morty began sucking in
earnest, dragging his tongue all around Rick's dick like it was the tastiest
fucking ice cream imaginable, instead of the same organ he pissed out of. It
was too long for him to fit easily in his mouth, but he pressed his hands
against the bed to help him further impale his own throat until he very nearly
gagged, his forehead mere centimeters from Rick's shriveled-up testicles.
"Mmmmmmmm…"
"Shit," gasped Rick, much to Morty's delight. "Don't think you can get me that
easy! I'm not letting go until I get you to jizz a second time!"
Rick began fucking Morty with the vibrating dildo in earnest, positively
hammering his spot like a boxer beating on a punching bag. The moaning noises
he'd begun making intentionally in order to pleasure Rick became significantly
less voluntary as he was repeatedly lanced up the ass. The motor was turned up
high enough that it was whirring quite audibly, loud enough that Morty wasn't
sure he'd feel comfortable using it at home where someone might actually be
listening in by the door. Even so, with overwhelmed tears in his eyes, Morty
remained determined. He wasn't going to give in. He was going to make Rick
finish first!
Rick gave Morty's sensitive sex a single, teasing lick. With a shudder and a
choked (literally) cry, Morty arched his back and came,harder than he could
ever remember doing so in his entire life.
"Tha-" said Rick, belching, "-t's it. Let it aaaaall out."
"Mmm," Morty moaned, but he had nothing on Rick's longevity. He did the best
that he could for Rick's stubborn cock, but his tongue was getting tired, and
the position was making him lightheaded. Rick yanked the dildo from his ass and
dropped him carelessly back down onto the bed, causing him to lose his oral
grasp on Rick's genitals, in turn.
"Nice try, Morty. I'll give you credit where it's due, you managed to salvage
that a little towards the end, there. It wasn't as awful as it could have
been," said Rick. Morty scowled.
"Y-you're a cheater, Rick!" said Morty. "You're just too old to get off!"
"Oh, is that what you think? That-that's a pretty harsh accusation, Morty. I'm
thinking I should punish you for even suggesting it." Exhausted as he was, even
just hearingthe p-word was enough to make Morty wonder if he could somehow get
it back up. In the meantime, Rick grasped his own length. "Stick your chin back
down on the bed. I'm gonna blow my load all over your virgin face."
Morty didn't have to be told twice. He didn't even mind the way Rick snickered
at how quickly he was on his hands and knees, in a pose that looked almost like
he was bowing down to worship his penis. If he was being honest with himself,
it wouldn't have been an altogether inaccurate assessment to make.
"Please, grandpa!" said Morty, gazing up at him with eyes full of both lust and
adoration. "P-punish me!"
"You asked for it, Morty," said Rick, stroking himself at a rapid pace. From
his position right in front of the action, Morty made it a point to take some
mental notes about the way Rick moved his hand to pleasure himself, struggling
to decode the best zones for later use. "Ready?"
Before Morty could even nod, a glut of semen had splattered across his
forehead, narrowly missing his eyes and dripping down his forehead. He sighed
contentedly as his grandfather's sperm met his lips and licked it up as it did,
too delighted to mind the odd, salty taste.
"That's the stuff," said Rick, looking at least marginally satisfied by the
encounter. "Yeah, that's right, lick that right on up, Morty. Swallow all those
potential aunts and uncles. You know that's the same dick that made your
mother, right?"
Morty nodded enthusiastically.
"Well, as long as we're on the same page," said Rick, shrugging his shoulders
and leaning back. "I'd ask if you're up for round two, but you look about ready
to pass out."
Morty crawled his way up to Rick's side, still licking up the cum from his own
face. "Mm."
Rick swung his legs over the side of the bed and got to his feet, leaving Morty
disappointed. He hadn't expected his grandfather to be a cuddly person, but
couldn't he at least say something before he left to shower?
As it turned out, however, Rick was not leaving to shower. Rather, he retrieved
the box of what looked a little like pizza (if pizza had pink cheese and
strange green splotches all over it) and set it down on the bed between them.
"We've already messed up the bed," said Rick, ruffling Morty's hair and
grabbing a slice. "May as well eat in it, too. You haven't lived until you've
woken up in a mess of dried cum and breadcrumbs, Morty."
Morty smiled weakly, still feeling rather tired, but hungry enough that he was
willing to try whatever weird shit Rick had brought with him.
"It's cold," he noted as he picked it up.
"Well, it washot," said Rick, who took a bite nonetheless. "And this shitty
motel doesn't even have a microwave. You really know how to pick 'em, Morty."
Morty wrinkled his nose as he bit into the alien pizza, not sure if it was from
a different planet or a different dimension, and scooted ever so slightly
closer to Rick. It was official. They were an 'item,' as it were. It all seemed
a little too good to be true.
"Is this a simulation?" said Morty, chewing the pizza.
"Nah. If it were, the sex would have been way better."
Morty frowned. "Am I that big of a disappointment?"
"Uhg, you take this shit so personally," said Rick through a mouthful of food.
"No one – at least in this dimension – is just magically good at sex, or even
foreplay their first time. Anyone who tells you otherwise either had low
standards or just doesn't care 'cause they don't plan on having sex with you
again."
"Even you?"
"No, Morty, I was giving people mind-blowing blowjobs fresh out of the womb.
Yes,even me, idiot."
Morty swallowed. "So, uh, does that mean you wantto do that again?"
"Well, we're apparently an item now, so yeah," said Rick. "Probably."
Just hearing those words coming from Rick's lips was enough to perk Morty back
up.
"So, umm, a-about you being my- uh, my boyfriend…"said Morty, the word feeling
foreign on his tongue. Rick Sanchez was his boyfriend. His grandfatherwas his
boyfriend. It was all so wrong, and yet so right."When you say 'open
relationship…' "
"Oh, geez," said Rick. "Got cold feet on that detail? It's just for casual sex.
If you can't handle it, though…"
"Huh? Oh, no, that's fine," said Morty. "It's just, can I add one condition?"
Rick stopped chewing. "I'm listening."
"I-I want you to tell me when you're gonna have sex with someone else," said
Morty. "A-a-and maybe an invitation for a threesome, if that's cool with the
other person."
"Well, that's a new one," said Rick, tossing his half-eaten crust back into the
box to go for another slice. "So-so I've gotta get your permission first, is
that it? Didn't realize you were so controlling, Morty." Before Morty got
respond, he added, "Not gonna lie, it's kinda-" He belched. "-kinda hot."
Just when Morty thought nothing could make him blush anymore, that comment made
his cheeks go red once again. "So you'll agree?"
Rick appeared to seriously consider the condition. "I mean, it sounds fair
enough, I guess, as long as the same goes for you. You decide to bang that
Jessica chick, I get advance notice and the whole story afterwards, right?"
"If-if I have sex with Jessica, Rick, the whole familyis gonna be hearing about
it afterwards."
Rick chuckled. "Just as long as they don't find out that she's just the side
ho."
"R-rick and Morty, forever and ever, all a hundred years, r-right, Rick?" said
Morty.
Rick wrapped his arm around Morty's shoulder and pulled him in close to cuddle
while they ate. Overjoyed, Morty clung to his body like stray hair clung to
shower walls.
"You missed, like, more than half of the dialogue from that bit, but close
enough, Morty," said Rick, playfully smooching his cheek. "Close enough."
End Notes
     Woohoo, my first C137cest fic! It's a little all over the place in
     terms of its meandering plotline, and the characterization might be a
     little weird, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway! Thank you very much
     for reading, and please remember to leave some feedback in the
     comments; I'm a firm believer in constructive criticism, and I
     genuinely wish to improve. Feel free to leave honest feedback without
     fear of getting kicked out of my lighthouse. I've got a couple ideas
     for a sequel, but I'd rather wait to hear what people think I could
     stand to improve on before I begin work on that. Thanks again!
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