Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/8699290.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage, Major_Character_Death, Rape/
      Non-Con
  Fandom:
      Supernatural_RPF
  Character:
      Ruby_(Supernatural), Jared_Padalecki, Jensen_Ackles, Jeffrey_Dean_Morgan,
      Danneel_Harris, Original_Female_Character(s), Katie_Cassidy, John
      Winchester, Original_Male_Character(s), Bobby_Singer
  Additional Tags:
      First_Time, Alternate_Universe, Hurt/Comfort
  Collections:
      Sinful_Desire
  Stats:
      Published: 2010-10-08 Completed: 2013-04-11 Chapters: 19/19 Words: 18724
****** Split Personality ******
by Kraven Knight [archived by sinfuldesire_archivist]
Summary
     Jensen's life was perfect. He had it all, hot girlfriend, great job,
     not horrible apartment. That's all over now, Chris, his girlfriend,
     dumped him. And now he's in the last place he expected. The story is
     way better than the summery...
     Also there are a lot of deaths... so if that's not your thing, don't
     read...
     NC-17 just to be safe.
     A very strange and amazing-tastic lady beta'd this for me but she
     wanted to be anonymous.
     also just realized it says Dean/female character... there was no
     Jensen/female... sorry
     Oh and if any of the SPN cast reads this, tell Danneel that I'm sorry
     she makes such a good villain. :P
Notes
     Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally
     archived at Sinful-Desire.org. To preserve the archive, we began
     importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in
     November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted
     announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or
     know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on
     Sinful_Desire_collection_profile.
     Author's notes: I own nothing but the ideas and pictures. :( I wish
     Jensen and Jared were mine.
     [Image and video hosting by TinyPic]
***** The Lyrics *****
Split Personality by P!NK
 
I do not trust, so I cannot love
(can't no man be trusted)
Oh no no no
And I would not dare to open up
(this life of yours is dusted P!nk)
Well my rent's past due and now my car won't start, I hate the bus
(well aren't you glad you have somebody to talk to)
Tell me what do they see when they look at me
Do they see my many personalities
 
[Chorus:]
Can you help me
Does anybody hear me
Can they even see me
This is my reality, oh oh
 
(can it be my turn now, is it my turn Pink)
Said I'll say it again, you're my only friend
(I protect you from the world, I basically protect you from yourself)
Though I can't go on, I'm not satisfied with this being the end
(this is just the beginning)
Tell me why can't I just reach up and simply touch the sky
Tell me why can't I spread my arms and fly and fly and fly
Tell me why can't I say this, why can't I do that
Tell me what do they want from me, tell me how to act
 
[Repeat Chorus 2x]
 
So I'm putting it all on the table
(tell em' Pink)
You don't know me well enough to label me, sick, or even disturbed
When you break it down I'm just two girls
Trying to blend, trying to vibe
(trying)
Trying to live just one life
(so hard)
Everybody's got insanities...I got a split personality
Tell me why can't I just reach up and simply touch the sky
(why can't you)
Tell me why can't I spread my arms and fly and fly and fly
(you can)
Tell me why can't I say this, why can't I do that
(just do it)
Tell me what do they want from me, tell me how to act
(I can't, I can't)
 
[Repeat Chorus 3x]
 
Can you help me
(talk to me, talk to me, don't ignore me, I can't take it)
Do you hear me
Do you see me everytime
(oh calm down, it's not that serious, we'll be just fine without them)
It's all mine...it's my reality...it's just too much for me
(you're my friend, you're my friend...Pink!...Pink!)
***** The Wrong Side Of Life *****
The month had gone by too fast. The pain which now existed where his heart once
had beat, was still to much for him too deal with, Jensen had run out of sick
and vacation days and his boss was threatening his job. He really didn't care
about his job anymore but his bestie, Katie, convinced him to go back to work.
He never did understand how she managed to get him to do things, but she always
did.
 
(FLASH BACK)
 
Jensen had just had his heart ripped out and thrown away. Katie had arrived at
his door pretty soon afterwards. He hadn't even needed to tell her what
happened or call her and ask her to come over for her to show up. She had, what
they joked about and called JENSEN ESP. When ever he was in really bad shape,
she showed up out of the blue and went all Mom on him.
 
She cooked, which to anyone who knew her was a huge deal. When ever Jensen felt
like shit Katie became the perfect friend. She was good the rest of the time
but when Jensen felt bad she knew just how to help him.
 
MOVIE MARATHONS, and a lot of junk food. They watched a bunch of movies,
usually their favorites; Sweeney Todd, Ten inch hero, Black Christmas, and of
course classics like Casablanca and The Cowboys. Then there were movies they
just watched because they were so bad. Jensen always felt better after one of
these mini vacations.
 
(END OF FLASH BACK)
 
Jensen went into the bathroom to relieve himself. He was shocked by what he saw
in his reflection on the mirror above his sink, the shave he'd given himself
yesterday was poor at best. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks and his
hair, which was normally perfectly spiked, was long, flat and uncombed, his
jade eyes stared out, were dull and lifeless, at him.
 
Jensen walked out of the bathroom and looked at the sad navy suit on his desk
chair. He took off his pajama pants slowly, not really wanting to go to work.
Once he was in his suit, he grabbed his laptop and briefcase. He walked through
the green carpeted hallway and down the creaky wood stairs. At the bottom he
increased speed in a bid to avoid his landlady, Ms. Harris. His attempt was
futile.
 
"Oh, Mr. Ackles, out and about again I see," Ms. Harris, openly ogling him.
 
"Yeah," Jensen said his voice and features completely devoid of emotion.
 
"So sad to hear about what that girl did to you," The land lady said with a sly
grin on her over made up face. "What was her name again?"
 
"Um ... Her name was Chris-" Jensen's eyes filled up with tears but he wouldn't
let them fall, not in front of his land lady. He wouldn't give her the
satisfaction of seeing him cry. Jensen realized that this was the first time
he'd said Chris's name since he'd begged Chris to stay with him. That thought
caused the pop-tart and a half he had for breakfast to come back up his throat.
He swallowed it and looked directly into Ms. Harris's eyes.
 
She saw the look of defiance in his eyes and attempted another route. "So Mr.
Ackles, when can I expect your rent?" She asked, knowing full well that he
didn't have it.
 
"I'll have it for you by next week at the latest," He edged around her and
started for the door. She took a step into the middle of the hallway and
stopped him in his tracks.
 
"Where are you off to in such a hurry?" She asked.
 
"Work," He replied simply.
 
"You don't have work till eleven," She said matter of factly.
 
"Yeah... my car won't start," He said, slightly uneasy that she knew what time
he had work. He checked his watch; it was 10:18.
 
Jensen walked the three blocks to the downtown bus stop. A lady with a small
child on her lap sitting on one of the benches. Her baby looked directly at him
and began to cry. Jensen couldn't believe it. Children usually loved him. "I
can't look that bad" he thought, adjusting his hair and tie self consciously.
 
When his bus stopped to pick him up, he and the lady with the small child
climbed on to the same bus. Jensen sat in the back corner and as far from the
lady and her child as was physically possible. The last thing he wanted was to
be the cause of everyone being stuck on a bus with a crying baby.
 
When the bus finally managed to get to his stop, he bolted and kicked an
executive looking man in an Armani two button charcoal suit in the shin.
 
"Sorry," He yelled running across the street and up the stairs of the Singer
building.
 
The elevator door closed just as he got through the lobby door and the metal
detector. Instead of waiting for the elevator, Jensen ran up the ten flights of
stairs three at a time. When he finally reached the right floor, Jensen
adjusted his tie and tried to straighten his long now hair dripping with sweat,
before entering the conference room.
 
Everyone looked up and stared at him. Mr. Sass was the first one to speak. "Ah,
Mr. Ackles, you're late," Mr. Sass said in a severe tone. All eleven other
people in the rooms eyes got really wide.
 
The woman next to Mr.Sass hit him in the arm. "Please excuse him. I swear he
was born and raised in a cave," Mr. Sass's partner and second mistress and
third wife, Mrs. Frass joked, "Go ahead Mr. Ackles," She said with a smile.
 
"Okay, the Padalecki account," Jensen started. Some people in the back started
talking. So Jensen spoke louder, this only made the people in the back talk
louder. Then Chad, Jensen's least favorite person in the world and Chris's
boyfriend before Jensen, started talking loudly for the soul purpose of
distract everyone from Jensen's proposal, causing Jensen to both lose his place
and repeat himself several times. By the time his power point was working
right, Jensen had lost control of the meeting. People talked about everything
but the Padalecki account. Jensen was forced to raise his voice and speak
sharply to regain some control of the meeting.
 
When he finally managed to quiet the other people in the room and his power
point presentation was working again, he realized he had left his briefcase on
the bus. All of his handouts were in his suitcase. Jensen started to
hyperventilate.
 
"What's wrong Jenny, You gonna cry!?" Chad yelled out.
 
Mr. Sass raised an eyebrow, one that said "What are you doing?". Even Ms.
Singer, head of personnel, the nicest and most patient person in the entire
building looked as if she was fed up with all the waiting and distraction. In
that moment Jensen's world stopped. He heard a loud pop in his ears. His vision
went black and then nothing.
***** Just Another Day *****

Author's notes: Still not mine. Hope you all like it! :P
===============================================================================
Two months later at the ERIC KRIPKE CENTER FOR MENTAL HEATH!
 
Jensen was in yet another meeting with Dr. Hart. He lay on the couch, wearing
one of the bathrobes that everyone in this place seemed to have. The center had
THREE WHOLE COLORS, p!nk, green and blue. Jensen's robe, like many of the other
robes, just didn't fit right. The sleeves were uncomfortably short. The
shoulders were too tight and the robe as a whole was not nearly long enough.
His particular abomination was green.
 
He was finally getting used to the smell of the center. That thought freaked
him out; if he was getting used to this wonderful place then he'd obviously
been here way too long. That thought made him realize that he'd been at the
center for two months. Which made him depressed.
 
"Mr.Ackles..." Dr. Hart repeated for the third time. "Mr. Ackles," the doctor
said louder and more firmly.
 
"Huh, what?" Jensen said, looking around himself.
 
"Mr. Ackles are you paying attention?" Dr. Hart asked.
 
"No," Jensen responded without looking at the doctor
 
"Mr. Ackles," The doctor scolded, "you should be paying attention!" In a softer
tone Dr. Hart continued, "I'm trying to help you, Jensen. Did you hear the
question?"
 
"No," Jensen said slightly embarrassed.
 
"I asked what happened in your life that resulted in you ending up here," Dr.
Hart stated.
 
"I've told you everything I remember!!!" Jensen snapped angrily. His eyes began
to water.
 
"Jensen I know you can do this," Dr. Hart said concern obvious in his eyes.
Then in an abrupt change of tones, Dr. Hart sternly advised, "For your own good
Mr. Ackles, please try."
 
Jensen sat deep in thought, this time not about the center but about why he was
here. After several minutes Dr. Hart got up and came around his desk to Jensen.
 
"Would you walk to the lobby with me?" the doctor asked, smiling sweetly as if
their previous sharp exchange hadn't happend. With a small nod Jensen got up
and followed Dr. Hart out. Three sessions a week with doctor schizo was
beginning to wear on Jensen.
 
He turned the corner into the common area, Dr. Hart turned the other way
towards the garden. Jensen looked in the far left corner of the common area, on
the beat up old leather recliner, was a new man. He had long brown hair and one
of the ugly baby barf green robes. The man was sitting on his feet, like L from
the manga Jensen read sometimes called Death note.
 
Jensen walked slowly, cautiously, closer. He had no idea why he did; something
about the new man drew him in.
 
The brown haired man hunkered there all by himself, very focused on playing
checkers. In between an empty black plastic chair and the new man stood a small
table that was too big to be a coffee table but to small to be a card table.
Jensen watched the man for a while, in a completely non-creeperish way, all the
while edging closer, inch by slow inch.
 
"NO! Stop cheating!" The brown haired man yelled at the empty black plastic
chair on the other side of the table. Jensen recoiled quickly, in this place
you did not want to be between the nurses and the patients screaming and
throwing chairs.
 
"..." said the Chair.
 
The brown haired man stood up quickly and flipped the checker board off the
table and then flung the whole table over. The board slammed on the ground and
the checkers bounced everywhere. Three nurses came over calm the patient. One
started picking up the checkers the other two talked the brown haired man in to
going back to his room.
 
Two days later Jensen saw the man again. The same attraction he'd felt the
first time was back again. This time the brown haired man came to him.
 
"Hi, I'm John," The brown haired man said in a deep guttural voice.
 
"Hi John," Jensen said, "my- uh- name is Jensen."
 
"You wanna play checkers?" John asked. Oddly enough, his voice sounded more
youthful and innocent, not as guttural.
 
"Yeah, sure," Jensen responded. Jensen's entire focus during the game was on
the brown haired man's sudden change. He lost five times at checkers. In that
time he still couldn't quite get what was different about the new man. It
wasn't physical, but it seemed like Jensen was looking at John's twin. 'That's
crazy,' Jensen thought to himself, 'John and his twin couldn't have switched
places right in front of me."
 
Finally Jensen gave up, "John, ya wanna play summ'en else?" Jensen asked
stretching his arms over his head, his Texan accent slipping through, his
accent always did when he was tired.
 
John looked over his shoulder and then back at Jensen, "My dad's not here. How
do you know him?" John asked, tilting his head to the right.
 
"know him," Jensen echoed.
 
"Yeah, how do you know my dad? He's not here right now," John said.
 
"You told me that your name was John," Jensen said adamantly.
 
"No, no, no, my name is Jared," the man said nodding quickly. "John was my
dad's name."
 
"Oh..." Jensen said completely and utterly confused, "Kay..."
 
"Gentlemen, it's time for you two to get back to your rooms," Paul, a six five,
build-like-a-tank nurse, said
 
"Okay," Jared responded, smiling, he stood up in the chair and did a no hand
cartwheel off of the leather chair. He landed right on a padded ottoman. It
cracked in half and Jared crashed on the wreckage, the wind knocked out of him.
"Ouch!" Jared said after the nurse had helped him back on his feet, "That
hurt!"
 
"Why did you do that?" Jensen asked dumbstruck.
 
"For fun?" Jared said.
 
"..." Jensen opened his mouth and than closed it again. 'This man, John...
Jared, whatever, was absolutely insane!' Jensen thought, 'And kinda
cute...'...'I DID NOT JUST THINK THAT! BAD JENSEN!'
 
"Come on, you have to go back to your room," The nurse said putting a hand
behind Jensen's back that didn't quite touch him.
 
Jensen went willingly, too wrapped up in his thoughts about his feelings for
John/Jared. 'How did he feel about the new man?' the question repeated in his
mind all the way down the hallway and continued after the nurse locked him in
for the night. He grabbed Twilight off his side table.
 
The book sucked, he missed the 'Real' vampires that ripped throats out and ate
children for fun, but Twilight was the best the library had to offer and Jensen
loved to read. He'd managed to stomach the first half, although the idea of a
kind and sparkly vampire was slightly disconcerting to him. Still he liked a
lot of the other ideas Stephanie Meyer had.
 
He stared at the same page for a couple hours.
 
All his thoughts were on the man who called him self John. Jensen didn't even
realize that he was drifting off to sleep with a hard-on and Twilight in his
lap.
***** When She Snapped. Again. *****
Jensen woke up the next morning with Twilight on the floor and a large section
of his pillow covered in drool. 'Ew' he thought. Jensen got up slowly and
stretched. He grabbed the book off the floor and set it on the small side table
next to his bed. He opened his dresser drawer and pulled out a fresh set of
blue hospital scrubs.
 
Once Jensen was dressed he made his bed and checked to make sure that
everything was where it was supposed to be. The ass hole orderlies wouldn't let
him out if his room was even slightly messy.
 
Jensen knocked on his door. An orderly came to the door, looked at his room
number then at the chart, and unlocked it. The orderly walked into Jensen's
room and looked under his bed and in his desk drawers. Once the orderly was
satisfied with Jensen's room he allowed Jensen to leave his room. Jensen walked
down the hallway to the cafeteria; the brown haired man, John/Jared, was
waiting in the door way, holding two trays.
 
"Jensen!" John/Jared screeched and ran at Jensen. A nurse tried to stop him,
but John/Jared was too fast. John/Jared slammed into him so hard that Jensen
hit the wall behind him and got the biggest bear hug he had ever received.
 
"Can't BREATHE-Need air... I'm dying-" Jensen half joked. 'Damn that boy is
strong' he thought, 'and firm.' he realized that Jared/John was still pressed
up against him and his pants were getting tighter. He pushed on Jared/John's
chest until he was realised and allowed to breathe once more. "Hi, J--Jay."
Jensen settled on the nickname; that way he'd be right no matter what.
 
Jay just tilted his head, smiled at the nurse that was still giving him the
stink eye and grabbed Jensen's hand and lead him through the breakfast line.
Jensen got a grapefruit and some milk. Jay on the other hand picked up three
pieces of toast, orange juice, milk, cereal, two waffles and a muffin. It was a
little more than he was supposed to have but Jay sweet talked one of the
cafeteria workers.
 
"MMM," Jay moaned, "es sss gooo!"
 
Jensen's pants got tighter. His mind was racing, 'Why was that moan so hot?' he
wondered, 'I'm not even gay!' Still attempting to act as if that moan wasn't
the hottest thing he'd heard in his whole life, he asked, "What was that? I
didn't quite catch that."
 
"I ed E sss Goo!" Jay realized it didn't help to say it again. He put up his
index finger and chewed, then swallowed and repeated himself, "I said, It's SO
GOOD!"
 
Jensen just smiled and shook his head. He got up to throw away his bottle and
grapefruit rind when a woman with no clothes on ran by him.
 
She ran and jumped onto a table. She was mumbling something under her breath
but no one could hear her. She turned suddenly and leaped off the table and
onto one of the doctors, knocking him down. Its Dr. Pastrami, Jensen realized.
 
"IT SHALL KILL THIS KEEPER NEXT!!!" She smiled a mostly toothless smile before
getting back up quickly and punching Ralf, the religious fanatic of the place,
in the face, knocking him on his ass. She bent down to his level and said "God
will not protect you."
 
The nurses finally made it to her. They gave her a sedative and sat her in a
wheel chair. The nurses started to push her wheel chair back to her room. She
said one final thing, in a loud but sleepy voice, "GOD CAN'T PROTECT ANY OF US!
No one can," her head lulled to the side, her soft snoring the only noise in
the room.
 
No one moved. Everyone was in shock, deep and unforgiving shock, every one's
eyes were wide and their mouths agape. Dr. Hart walked into the room, just
seconds after Genevieve's wheel chair disappeared around the corner. He was
humming under his breath. He stopped when he noticed the quiet of the normally
lively cafeteria. Dr. Hart looked around at everybody. He almost tripped on Dr.
Pastrami. "Um, what's going on Phil? Why are you on the floor?" Dr. Hart
questioned.
 
"Genevieve attacked me and Mr. Jones," Phil explained quietly. He accepted the
hand that Dr. Hart offered him and got up off the floor.
 
"Genevieve? Are you sure? She has never done anything like this before," Dr.
Hart said in surprise.
 
"Yes I'm sure," Dr. Pastrami snapped.
 
The rest of the day was calm, an eerie calm that had everyone on edge, doctors
nurses and patients, non were exempt from the feel of foreboding that
Genevieve's actions left in the pit of their stomachs. everyone got their meds
on time and went back to their rooms early that night. Jensen, like most, spent
the whole night tossing and turning, unable to get to sleep.
 
The next morning at breakfast everyone was talking in hushed voices. They'd
found Genevieve's remains in her room. Her blood and what little was left of
her body covered the walls. Three phrases were written on her walls over and
over again, IT WILL FIND US, IT WILL DESTROY US, IT WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING.
 
The news reports said that the cops thought the 'IT' Genevieve had talked about
was one of the medical staff, so they were investigating everyone who had
access to her.
 
The entire thing was made even worse for Jensen because today was the day that
he had to join group therapy, he'd been putting it off for over a week.
 
Jensen walked into the smallish room. There was a circle of metal folding
chairs and one cushy chair on the far left. Jensen chose the chair that was
closest to the exit. Other people started coming in a little later.
 
One woman had bandages covering her arms and stomach, and maybe her entire
chest. She had a big seventies hairdo and legwarmers on. Another patient was a
bald fat man who had tiny hands and bushy eyebrows and who wore a polkadot
suit. 'all these people look like freaks' Jensen thought.
 
Then he saw Jay, he had on a pair of glasses but they were askew and his pants
were way too big for him. His white shirt was stained with food. Jay's hair was
sticking at odd angles and he had smeared eyeliner on. 'What the fuck is going
on?' Jensen wondered.
 
Dr. Hart entered the room and he too was dressed oddly. His lab coat was
hanging off one of his shoulders, his shirt was backwards and way too small,
and he was WEARING SHORTS!!!
 
Jensen couldn't help himself, "What the hell is going on here?" Jensen blurted,
"Why do u all look..." Jensen was at a loss for words, "odd!"
 
"There is no need to yell Mr. Ackles," Dr. Hart said calmly, "If you had been
here for the last session you would know that today we were all going to dress
like we were a completely different person." Dr. Hart looked at the rest of the
people in the room, "Did everyone write your back stories?" Dr. Hart
questioned.
 
Everyone in the room except Jensen showed Dr. Hart a sheet of paper. "Very
good," He said smiling. "So who's first?"
 
'First?' Jensen wondered.
 
"ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!" a man in a fancy suit and tie yelled, jumped up and
raised and waved both of his arms.
 
"Bobby. We've talked about this. What are you supposed to do when you would
like to volunteer for something?" Dr. Hart asked.
 
Bobby glared momentarily and blew air out his nose before he sat back down.
Then he raised his arm and kept it stationary in the air, "Dr. Hart may I go
first?" Bobby asked it a monotone that dripped in annoyance.
 
"Why yes, Bobby, you may," Dr. Hart smiled.
 
"K... Okay, My person is a accountant-" Bobby started.
 
"IT IS NOT A ACCOUNTANT! It is AN accountant," rudely corrected the girl in the
bandages.
 
Bobby glared daggers at her. "Samantha,"Dr. Hart scolded, "It will be your turn
soon. Please listen to Bobby." Dr. Hart turned his attention back to Bobby.
 
"Fine," Samantha pouted.
 
"As I was saying for I was say before I was so rudely interrupted, I am a
accountant. My person's name is RICHARD," Bobby said with disgust obvious in
his voice, " He has a wife and two babies. He lives in a apartment and he has a
pet squirrel named Nibbler."
 
"Hmm... That's very interesting Bobby. Good work," Dr. Hart complimented, "Just
one question, why do you want to be an accountant?"
 
"Cause being a super hero would be way too hard," Bobby stated as if it was the
most obvious thing in the world.
 
Dr. Hart smiled and complimented Bobby again before collecting his paper. "Okay
Samantha, its your turn now," Dr. Hart said.
 
"I am a teenager at a party in the seventies," Samantha announced cockily, her
nose in the air and her shoulders back.
 
"Weren't you a teenager in the seventies?" Bobby questioned, causing Samantha's
chest to deflate. Bobby burst into laughter along with most of the group. Dr.
Hart was not laughing.
 
"SHUT! UP! ASS FACE!" Samantha screamed. She lunged for Bobby, Dr. Hart stepped
in front of her and held her so she couldn't hurt anyone. She shrunk down to
the floor, her tears rolled down her cheeks and on to Dr. Hart's shoes.
 
"Okay, were done for today. Hand in your papers and enjoy your extra time in
the common area," Dr. Hart stated, still holding on to Samantha. Bobby started
heading for the door at a slow run. "Not you Bobby," Dr. Hart said.
 
Bobby squeaked, he turned slowly around and as slowly inched closer to Dr.
Hart. Samantha started to hiccup which caused her to cry more. Jensen walked
slowly, he wanted to see what Dr. Hart would do.
 
"Mr. Ackles, this doesn't concern you, please go to the common room with the
others," Dr. Hart said sharply. Jensen picked up the pace and hurried out of
the room.
***** Behind The Door *****

Author's notes: sorry it has been forever but my muse was screaming other
things at me. Hope you all like it.
===============================================================================
Later, Samantha came into the common room. A wicked grin on her face and a
swagger, befitting a monarch, in her step. Jensen couldn't help but feel bad
for Bobby, sure he didn't know him but when someone had that kind of bounce in
their step, the person they were fighting with had really gotten into deep
shit.
 
"Jen-sen!" Jay punctuated.
 
"Yeah?" Jensen questioned snapping back into reality.
 
"Do you have any eights?" Jay asked a small smirk tugging on the corner of his
mouth.
 
Jensen looked down at his cards, they were all backwards. "Why of course I do,
Jay. Gosh you sure are good at this game," Jensen replied sarcastically with a
small chuckle.
 
Jay burst out laughing, "I know right?"
 
Everything had gotten mostly back to normal that evening at dinner. It was a
dull roar in the cafeteria, everyone eating and talking to a small group or to
themselves. Jensen smiled to himself, these people maybe crazy but at least
they were honest about it.
 
Dr. Hart, or as Jensen liked to call him, Dr. Schizo, came up to their table.
"Hello, Mr. Ackles, Mr. Winchester, how are you both doing today."
 
"Fine," Jensen responded automatically, earning him a very disappointed look
from Dr. Hart.
 
"I am great, fantastic even, THE WORLDS ENDING!!!! WEE WOO WEE WOO!!! ERT ERT
ERT!!! APPLE PIE!" Jay responded.
 
Jensen tried to muffle his laughter, it became impossible when Dr. Hart took
Jay seriously.
 
"Mr. Winchester, what year is it?" Dr. Hart asked.
 
"2020 Hut hut HIKE!" Jay exclaimed, and then burst out laughing after looking
at Jensen, who's face was red from holding his laughter in.
 
Dr. Hart stood up, dusted off the bottom of his coat and said, "That was not
funny Mr. Winchester. I hope in the future you will act your age, and treat
both of us with more respect."
 
Jensen and Jay were laughing so hard after Dr. Hart stomped away, that they
were both crying.
 
The next morning when Jensen knocked on the door the orderly came to the door,
opened the slot and pushed breakfast through the hole. "No one can leave their
rooms today, sorry..." He looked down at the chart, "Mr. Ackles."
 
The rest of the day was boring. The radio played random songs that all kind of
blurred together. The only excitement was when Jensen could hear the orderlies
running down the halls. He couldn't tell if they were running to or from
something. Occasionally someone would open the slot in his door, peer through
and then slide a tray in.
 
He swore multiple times that he could hear Katie talking to him. His eyes would
well up, she couldn't visit him until he was more stable. At least that was
what his doctors kept telling him.
 
She would say lines from different movies that didn't really go together but
still kind of made sense. About how great he was doing, how he'd get better
soon, how she missed him.
 
He eventually gave up on being let out and curled up on the floor in the fetal
position while Katie sang to him.
 
It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy
***** Love Is A Butcher *****
The next morning Jensen knocked on his door. Okay maybe not knocked, more like
pounded his fist, feet and head into the door because he was going just a tad
stir crazy.
 
The orderly glared at him while applying a bandage to his forehead and
knuckles. Dr. Schizo was leaning against the wall, a disapproving look tugging
at his features. "Mr. Ackles, why would you do this to yourself?"
 
"I don't know," Jensen replied.
 
Dr. Hart huffed and shook his head. "Group is at two. Please be there," He said
before turning and leaving the room.
 
Once the orderly was done bandaging him up, Jensen went to the common area. Jay
was sitting in front of the TV, his arms were folded over his chest and when
Jensen came up to him, he saw that the TV wasn't even on.
 
"Jay?" Jensen asked.
 
"Yeah?" Jay's gruff voice asked.
 
"The TV's not on," Jensen pointed out hesitantly.
 
"They won't let me turn it on," Jay responded.
 
"Weird," Jensen commented.
 
At two one the dot Jensen and Jay entered the group therapy room. Dr. Hart
welcomed them, with a smile that didn't quite go to his eyes. Jensen noticed
that Bobby wasn't there but figured group was a "privilege" and after what
happened he wouldn't be back for a while.
 
“Today we will be talking about our pasts,” Dr. Hart started, “I know that none
of you like yours very much but there is a reason you’re here.” Everyone
groaned. Dr. Hart looked around the circle, no one looked at him and several
people tried to make themselves look small. “Samantha, lets start with you,”
Dr. Hart suggested.
 
“What do you want me to tell?” Samantha asked snidely.
 
“How about we start with how long you’ve been here?”
 
“One year, five months, two weeks, three days, and nine hours,” She replied.
 
Dr. Hart seemed taken aback by how accurate she was. “Why are you so exact?”
Dr. Hart asked.
 
She smiled at him, a disconcerting smile. She pulled at the bandage on her
wrist, when it came undone they all saw the tally marks. Some deep, some barely
a scratch, they crisscrossed her entire arm, and some of them were still
oozing.
 
Dr. Hart slid his chair back. “ How are you doing that? Why are you doing
that!?” He exclaimed.
 
“I have a daughter, Abbie, is her name, every second without me hurts her, so I
wanted to be able to show her that it hurt me too,” Samantha responded.
 
Jensen cocked his head to the side, her reasoning was fucked up, and made him
want to throw up, but he also thought it was kind of sweet in a totally fucked
up kind of way.
 
Dr. Hart finally managed to regain his composure, “That may be noble in your
mind Samantha, but the more you hurt yourself the longer you will be in here,
away from your daughter.”
 
Samantha looked like she was about to cry. Dr. Schizo didn’t seem to notice and
continued, “Now please tell the group what you did that landed you here.”
 
“I-,” Samantha started, “I st-stabbed Abbie’s father.”
 
“Why did you stab her father?” Dr. Hart pressed.
 
“He was going to hurt her,” Samantha responded her resolve coming back and
quickly turning to anger.
 
“What did he do to make you think that?” Dr. Hart asked.
 
“He threw her off a cliff, into a lake of fire,” Samantha practically screamed.
 
“It says that she is living with her father’s parents,” Dr. Hart stated looking
up from the chart before continuing, “how is she still alive?”
 
“He did it in my dream,” Samantha protested, “I had to stop him! He was jealous
because I loved her more than him!” She started shaking uncontrollably, wracked
by her tears.
 
Dr. Hart got down on one knee in front of Samantha’s chair and put a hand on
her knee in a comforting gesture. “Samantha, thank you for your honesty. Would
you like to go back to your room for a little bit?” Dr. Hart asked.
 
She nodded and let one of the two orderlies who stood by the doors during the
group sessions lead her out of the room and down the hall.
 
Dr. Schizo turned the second she left, “Who’s next?” he asked sweetly. Again no
one responded or looked at him. “Jared?” Dr. Hart asked.
 
Jay’s entire body adjusted. He went from very rigid to utterly relaxed, the
frown lines on his face melted away, and his hair seemed floppier, which was
completely and utterly disturbing to Jensen.
 
“Fire away doc,” Jay responded.
 
“How long have you been here?” Dr. Hart asked.
 
“About four months?” Jay answered/asked.
 
“What happened leading up to you coming here?”
 
“I got fired for not showing up several times, I would forget several days, and
how I ended up places,” Jay responded.
 
“What is your diagnosis?” Dr. Hart asked.
 
“Shouldn’t you know that?” Jay asked.
 
“I know your diagnosis, I find though, that it’s easier to treat a patient if
they know what it is and can admit it to themselves,” Dr. Hart responded.
 
“I have D-I-D,” he responded, “it stands for Dissociative Identity Disorder.”
 
“And what does that mean, Jared?” Dr. Hart questioned.
 
“It means, I have the presence of two or more distinct or split identities that
continually have power over my behavior.”
 
Jensen looked at Jay. It made sense, why he could change so quickly and so
completely.
 
“Jared,” Dr. Hart continued, “What are the causes of D-I-D?”
 
“Early childhood trauma,” Jay responded quietly.
 
“What happened to you when you were young, Jared?” Dr. Hart asked gently.
 
“My uncle,” Jay started, “He, uh, hurt my mother,” a tear fell from his eye and
it took a moment but he continued very softly, “and me.”
 
Jensen looked at his friend, who was normally so happy and carefree. Jay looked
broken and so small, which was hard to do considering he was taller than
Jensen. Jensen reached out to touch Jay’s shoulder, to try and comfort him.
 
Just before his hand landed, Jay’s back when rigid, the frown lines were back
and his hair drooped. Jensen pulled his hand back before it got crushed between
Jay and the chair.
 
Dr. Hart looked disappointed; John never talked to him, let alone acknowledged
him. So he moved on, “Jensen would you like to go next?”
 
“Fine,” Jensen responded.
 
“How long have you been here?”
 
“Five months.” Jensen responded, his mind trying to sort out a way to help Jay.
He couldn’t care less what Dr. Hart was asking.
 
“What happened before you came here?”
 
“Life,” Jensen noticed that Jay had a small smirk on his face after that
comment and it made his heart soar. ‘No, stop thinking naughty things! Bad,
very BAD, BAD brain,’ he mentally scolded himself.
 
“Please be more specific Jensen,” Dr. Hart requested.
 
“Car wouldn’t start, I hate the bus, couldn’t pay rent, girlfriend dumped me,”
He listed off.
 
Dr. Hart scrubbed his face with his hand and gave up on getting anything more
than that from Jensen today. Dr. Hart went around the circle and after everyone
had told their story he let them go to the commons room.
***** Playing With Fire *****

Author's notes: Ralf uses a word I'm not a fan of... just to let you know
before you get to it.
===============================================================================
A couple days later Jensen and Jared were eating breakfast; today was scrambled
eggs and sausage day. Jensen didn’t like the sausage. He held one up near
Jared’s face. Jared didn’t hesitate and slurped it into his mouth, his lips
ever so slightly brushing Jensen’s fingers.
 
Jensen blushed and looked away.
 
“Mmm,” Jared complemented, “Thanks Jen.”
 
“Um, yah, no problem,” Jensen said, mentally scolding himself for the
tightening in his pants.
 
“Wanna trade?’’ Jared asked.
 
Jensen’s mind went immediately to the gutter. ‘La, la, la, nuns, unibrows,
avocados, ‘Sesame Street’… Fuck!’ Nothing was helping to deter his ever-growing
manhood. Finally he just asked, “Trade what, Jay?”
 
“Eggs for sausage,” Jared said grinning, his dimples on full display.
 
“Sure,” Jensen replied, looking anywhere but Jared’s face.
 
Ralf walked by their table chanting, “Fire cleansed his soul! So say the Lord!
Fire cleansed his soul! So says-”
 
“Huh?” Jensen and Jared asked in unisons.
 
Ralf stopped chanting, turned and walked back to their table. “Remember a
couple of days ago, when we were in lock down?” Ralf asked suddenly coherent.
 
They nodded.
 
“Bobby was giving head to an orderly for extra food, and God stuck that faggot
down with holy fire!” Ralf exclaimed with glee, back to his crazy religious
self.
 
“Go away Ralf, spout your shit to someone who cares,” Jensen retorted.
 
Ralf’s chest deflated and he trudged away, sadly.
 
Jensen turned to Jay who was eating very robotically, no moans or joy of any
type displayed. “John?” Jensen asked hesitantly.
 
After a swallow of water, John wiped his mouth and then asked, “Yes?”
 
Jensen lost his appetite; John was nowhere near as good as Jared. “Never mind,”
Jensen mumbled and pushed his Styrofoam tray away.
 
After breakfast they went into the common area, Jensen decided to finish
Twilight, it was only his third time through but the center still hadn’t gotten
the sequels or anything better to read. He had just gotten to the part where
Bella and Edward were in the meadow. ‘He sparkles, GASP! Ugh this book gets
less and less interesting every time I read it. It’s super obvious that Bella
should be with Jacob! Hello, earth to Bella, you’re the stupidest female
stereotype ever. You have a brain, try to use it’ Jensen thought, ‘I really
need something else to read or I am going to go insane… more insane,’ he
corrected.
 
Suddenly there was a set of giant bear arms around him. “AW!” He gasped. The
arms loosened a little and then he saw the floppy hair. “Jared?” Jensen asked.
 
“Mmm hmm,” Jared responded with a nod of his head and a giant grin on his face.
“What are you doing all the way over here, being all emo?” Jared asked, then he
saw what Jensen was reading and fell on the floor saying, it hurts, it hurts,
between laughs.
 
“Hey!” Jensen said defensively, “There’s nothing else even remotely good to
read here.”
 
“Uh huh, sure,” Jared laughed.
 
“Hello, how are you two this morning?” Dr. Hart asked, causing them both to
jump a little.
 
“Good,” Jared said beaming up at Dr. Hart from his spot on the floor.
 
“What he said,” Jensen stated.
 
Dr. Hart was disappointed with Jensen’s answer, but at least it was something
other than ‘fine’. “You two are together a lot. Should I be concerned,” Dr.
Hart tried to joke.
 
Jensen and Jared looked at each other, and then back to Dr. Hart, who looked
crestfallen. Jensen threw him a bone, “Ha, ha, no Dr. Hart, no worries.” Dr.
Hart was all smiles after that, and Jensen kind of felt sick, what had he done?
Dr. Schizo got up to walk away but Jensen stopped him, “ hey, um, Dr. Hart,
what happened to Bobby?”
 
Dr. Harts face became very pale and the smile fell away, eventually he got back
some semblance of normalcy, “Why do you ask, Jensen?”
 
“I haven’t seen him around lately.”
 
“He was…” Dr. Schizo started, ”cured? Cured.” He turned on his heel and put as
much distance between Jensen and himself as he could.
 
“Weird,” Jared commented.
 
“Very,” Jensen agreed.
 
After lunch they talked to Samantha about what she heard about Bobby’s
disappearance.
 
“All the docs say he’s ‘cured’ but that dude was more fucked up than the two of
you,” Samantha responded looking up from the ‘My Little Pony’ coloring book she
was coloring in momentarily before adding a different shade of gray to the
pony.
 
“Have you heard anything else?” Jensen pressed.
 
“Why yes I have Nancy Drew. Ralf says God burned him up. From what everyone
else is saying, Ralf’s right about the fire, just not necessarily the source,”
Samantha told them, “Now if you don’t mind, buzz off, I have shit to do.”
 
“She certainly is a ray of sunshine, huh?” Jared joked.
 
“Yeah that’s one way to look at it,” Jensen retorted.
 
“So,” Jared started, “What’s our next step?”
 
“Find the orderly who was with Bobby before he died,” Jensen said hoping it
sounded confident.
 
They talked to every patient they could. Most of them were so out of it they
didn’t even know what their name was, let alone who Bobby had been with before
he died. Jensen was just about to give up hope when he remembered Ruby. Ruby
was an attractive young woman, who could make a sailor blush with all the
things that came out of her mouth and took shit from no one, but she was the
most kind and sane person Jensen had encountered besides Jared.
 
They found her working behind the cage of the prescription storage room.
“Ruby!” Jensen shouted.
 
“The fuck!” Ruby exclaimed. She turned and saw them; a smile bloomed on her
face. “Hello boys,” she said sweetly, “You mind not scaring the shit out of me
next time you want to talk?”
 
“Sorry,” they said in unisons.
 
“Aw, it’s okay. So what can I do for you boys?” Ruby asked.
 
“We were wondering what happened to Bobby,” Jensen told her.
 
She stood still, with a blank look on her face, for a couple seconds before
coming back to reality with a tear threating to fall from her eye. “I’m sorry,
I can’t tell you,” she replied.
 
“But Ruby!” Jensen exclaimed.
 
“No!” Ruby shouted. Then in a much softer more nurturing tone she said, “if I
could tell you, I would, but boys, you have to promise me you won’t keep
digging into this. Give it some time and everything will be clear. Do you
promise?”
 
“Yes, Ruby,” Jared swore.
 
“Yes, Ruby,” Jensen lied. He didn’t like lying to her, she was nice but now he
knew that something bad had happened to Bobby.
***** Love??? *****
A few days later, the questions were piling up in Jensen's mind. They started
with Bobby’s death, but since the incident with Ruby he hadn’t gotten any
farther on it. Slowly but surely his thoughts changed to his other favorite
subject.
 
'Why do I have these feelings for Jared? I'm not even gay! Am I? But I like
girls! I love boobs! But Jared... Why do I like him so much? He's insane! I
think. If I like him does that mean I'm insane? Well I am here- I wonder why
Jared is here'
 
Jared had been watching Jensen for several minutes. He looked on in amusement
as the emotions played over Jensen's face. Finally, Jared was fed up with just
watching. He had to ask Jensen what he was thinking about. He snuck up behind
Jensen and slowly, delicately, placed his left hand on Jensen's shoulder.
 
Jensen screamed like a startled nine-year-old girl. Jared giggled.
 
Once Jensen had regained his composure, he gave Jared the stink-eye. "You're an
ass, Jay,” Jensen complained, the corners of his mouth curving up slightly.
 
Jared laughed, "Whatcha thinking about?" He asked leaning down, his face just
inches away from Jensen's.
 
'He smells so good,' Jensen thought, inhaling deeply, closing his eyes and
enjoying the scent, and those dimples.’ Jensen opened his eyes before he had
time to scold himself for blatantly ogling Jared.
 
Jared was gone.
 
Jensen looked around himself but didn't see Jared anywhere. He looked over by
the prescription storeroom. He looked by the Ping-Pong table. Jensen even
looked by the piano.
 
He still couldn't find Jared.
 
Jensen was starting panic. The young brown haired man had, ever since they had
met, been near him except when John took over or at night when they had to go
to their separate rooms.
 
Finally Jensen found him talking to Dr. Hart. Jensen just stared intensely at
Jared, hoping deep down that Jared could feel him looking at the side of his
wonderfully sculpted face. 'Damn it gay thoughts go away!' he mentally shouted
at himself.
 
He waited a few moments longer before muttering, "screw it!" under his breath
and heading over to the men, determination clear on his face.
 
"There you are," he said, not quite as politely as he had planned to, to Jared,
in relief, "I was looking all over for you."
 
“Why?” he asked. The deeper voice, older seeming face and completely erect
posture gave him away. This was John, not Jared.
 
Jensen’s heart broke just a lot. ‘Why did he switch? Was it something I did?’
He looked at Dr. Hart, hoping to find some indication of what had happened.
 
"Excuse me please, Mr. Winchester," Dr. Hart said, promptly walking away.
Jensen watched as he left. Dr. Hart knew something important, he could feel it.
Jensen followed him, he had to get answers and Dr. Hart might be just the
person to get them from.
 
Dr. Hart turned around. "Is there something I can help you with Mr. Ackles?"
 
“Yes, as a matter of fact there is,” Jensen accused, “Tell me why Jared is
here!”
 
"Jensen, if you want to know you're going to have to ask Jared." Dr. Hart
turned around and started to walk away. "Do not follow me Mr. Ackles,” Dr. Hart
called without looking back.
 
Jensen took a step forward; he was intent on going after Dr. Hart. Then he
realized that would be useless, Dr. Hart had made it clear that he wouldn't
tell him anything more. As he turned around and meandered back to John he
thought about what Jared had said, “I have the presence of two or more distinct
or split identities that continually have power over my behavior. ‘It’s caused
by early childhood trauma…’
 
Jensen’s thoughts were interrupted suddenly.
 
"Hi, Jenny!!!" Jared screeched as he ran up to Jensen. Jared had miscalculated
and ended up running into him, sending them both to the linoleum floor, with a
loud 'UMF'.
 
"Hi, Jared,” Jensen said, smiling.
 
Jared untangled his limbs from Jensen’s and asked, "What happened to Jay? I
liked that nickname. Oh, and I made one for you. Imma call you Jenny." Jared
informed him, then held out a hand to help him up.
 
"Ug, Why Jenny?" Jensen groaned.
 
Jared jumped up, almost crushing Jensen's manhood under his knee and then
proceeded to start pulling Jensen up.
 
"Um," Jared paused and then asked, "why not?" the smile evident even in his
voice, even though Jensen couldn't see it. There was a giant scrubs covered
cock kind of blocking the entire rest of the room.
 
"Cause-" Jensen couldn't think of a reason, it was right on the tip of his
tongue but he couldn't quite get his brain to work. Plus he didn’t want John to
come back and Jared was really happy.
 
"Come on!" Jared complained when Jensen wouldn't run.
 
"What's the hurry?" Jensen asked.
 
"The doctors are giving us a free day, no group. Come on they have arts and
crafts." Jared squeaked excitedly and then whined when Jensen still wouldn't
run.
 
When the finally got to the “Art Room” and sat down at one of the tables. Mike
was yelling his lungs out because they were out of purple play dough.
 
Jensen made a macaroni sculpture of a dog, it looked more like a giant blob but
Jared was very, very thrilled to own an original Ackles.
 
Jared finger-painted a portrait of Jensen. At least that’s what he said it was.
 
Later that night, with something they claimed was meatloaf in his stomach,
Jensen looked up at Jared’s portrait and thought about Jared, again.
***** Nightmares of ol' *****

Author's notes: Jared POV
===============================================================================
Later, that night.
 
The nightmare was back.
 
Always the same.
 
In his living room, his father talks to his uncle Jeffery. His parents are
going out on a date to celebrate their anniversary. His parents leave the
house. Him and his uncle are playing mortal kombat on his PlayStation, he's
winning of course. Then it gets weird. There's a knock on the door and then the
power goes out.
 
In the darkness he can't see anything. He can hear something though. A door
opening, it's huge, probably more than thirty feet tall. The opening the door
left allows light to come through, he runs towards it. Right before he gets
there a large shadow steps in front of the opening, casting a large shadow.
 
The voice says something, Jared thinks it said "he'll do." He'll do for what?
he wonders. He turns and runs away. He doesn't know why, just that he has to
get away, he has to or something bad will happen. He trips and the shadow grabs
him by the ankle. It lifts him up and up and up into the sky.
 
Its face is grotesque and its breath is painful to breathe. "Hi Jared," It
says, "We're gonna have so much fun. Or at least I will," It laughs.
 
The shadow ripped off his cloths, It laughs even harder, "You call that a
penis!!! It's so small," The shadows voice coming from all directions and none
at the same time. The sound of a zipper opening rings out. Jared feels like the
zipper was in his head and its tearing him apart. "This is what a penis is
supposed to look like." A giant penis floats over Jared's head.
 
He screams and it plummets into his mouth. He can't breath. He struggles to get
away, but the shadow is holding his head and he can't pull away. He hears a
grunt coming from deep in the shadows. Then his throat is full of a liquid that
tastes bad and he's drowning.
 
Then like always he wakes up, kicking and screaming and crying. He curls into
the fetal position on the floor where he had fallen during his dream. Jared
pulled his knees up to his chest and forces himself to remember how it really
ended. It's the only way he can sleep after the nightmare.
 
Thinking hard, the memory is buried deep. Images start to flash before his
eyes, the dark room, the man, uncle Jeffery with money. He can feel the man in
his throat, then the man is on the ground and his father is beating his head on
their new blue carpet. It’s stained, and Jared feels bad because his mother
just got that carpet and she really loved it. Jared remembered his father
attacking Jeffery too before the cops got there.
 
Eventually he did manage to cry himself to sleep.
 
An orderly came in and screamed when she saw Jared on the floor. He picked up
his head and looked at her. ’Ow, my neck’ He thought getting up off the floor,
all this joints popped and his muscles ached. It was going to be a bad day, he
could just feel it.
 
She checked him over to make sure he wasn't injured and then left so he could
get ready for the day.
 
He put on his scrubs, the dark blue ones he liked best, and his over-sized
hoodie. Getting that hoodie was an ordeal all its own. Jared was a big guy
after all, 6' 4" with long arms and legs. He had special ordered it from a
magazine. The hoodie was four XL and it was made especially long just for him.
It had a picture of a cartoon sea monster that was looking at a sock that was
on it's tail and screaming. It always made Jared feel better.
 
He made his bed and put his dirty clothes in the hamper before knocking on the
door. The orderly smiled at him. He didn't smile back, he pulled up his hood
and would have tightened the strings but because he was in the center he wasn't
allowed to have strings.
 
Breakfast was long and awkward, Jensen kept looking at him and trying to start
conversations. Jared barely touched his food. The whole day Jared felt like he
was in a fog. He tried to make himself do things but in the end it just made
him feel worse. Finally the day was over and Jared was so relieved that he
didn't have to see Jensen's sad looks anymore.
***** Jared? Jared? Jared?! *****
Jensen had a horrible sleepless night. Jared was so quiet yesterday. He didn’t
eat, didn’t laugh or hug him and it definitely was Jared, which made it even
worse. Something was seriously wrong and Jensen spent the whole night coming up
with reasons, each more terrible than the last, for what could have possibly
led to Jared’s odd behavior.
 
Eventually light came through the window, causing the room to become more and
more, bright and cheery. Jensen had never been so angry at anything in his
life. If he could, he would have strangled the sun.
 
He gave up on sleep and got up, dressed himself and knocked on his door. The
orderly smiled at him, it took all of his will power, which was draining
quickly, not to punch the orderly in the face.
 
“You're free to go,” the orderly joked.
 
Jensen didn’t respond and instead walked by the man, down the hall, and into
the cafeteria. He stood at the entrance for a few seconds, hoping that he’d end
up being tackled by Jared. It didn’t happen so he grabbed a tray and stood in
line.
 
Slowly the line moved forward. By the time he got to the end he had tiny
pancakes, an apple, two pieces of bacon and juice. Jared loved bacon and would
have gladly traded with Jensen so he could have two apples.
 
He’d just sat down when he felt arms wrap around him. His heart fluttered in
his chest and he looked at the man who was hugging him. “The fuck!” Jensen
exclaimed, “Get off of me!”
 
The man looked sadly at Jensen after he released him. It was almost comical the
way his bottom lip quivered and he looked at Jensen with big puppy dog eyes.
 
“Who are you?” Jensen asked, his anger dissipating slightly.
 
“La la, cupcake!” The man exclaimed joyfully.
 
Jensen felt bad, but turned away, he had enough on his plate and he couldn’t
save everyone. ‘I will save Jared though, just as soon as I find him,’ He
thought with conviction.
 
Jensen’s worry skyrocketed when he finished breakfast and still hadn’t seen
Jared.
 
***
He was sitting in Jared’s favorite chair in the common room, staring at the
wall, lost in his sadness. He heard his name and jumped up, nearly knocking
Ruby to the ground.
 
Ruby laughed, “well hello there.”
 
“Oh, sorry,” Jensen mumbled.
 
Ruby put her hand on his shoulder. “Dr. Hart is looking for you.”
 
“K,” Jensen responded, sadly.
 
Ruby’s smirked, “Jared’s with him.”
 
Jensen grabbed her shoulders and spun her around. “Where?” Jensen asked
hurriedly.
 
Ruby laughed and said, “The group therapy room.”
 
Jensen took off at a run, not caring about his reasons for doing so. All of the
orderlies started to make a move towards him.
 
“Hold off boys and girls!” Ruby shouted, catching up to him and putting her
hand on his shoulder, “You mind slowing down? He’ll still be there.”
 
Jensen begrudgingly slowed his pace so Ruby could keep up. They were a few
doors away from the group therapy room when Jensen pulled away from Ruby. He
wasn’t running but he definitely wasn’t walking.
 
Jensen ripped open the door. “Jared,” He beamed, “Are you okay?”
 
Jared stood up, walked over to Jensen and gave him the biggest hug he could. “I
missed you too,” Jared said softly in Jensen’s ear.
 
Dr. Hart cleared his throat. Jared released him and Jensen glared daggers at
Dr. Hart. “Mr. Ackles, Mr. Winchester has requested your presence today.
Normally it’s not allowed for obvious reasons. You are not to speak, or do
anything but sit there with him. Understand?”
 
“Yeah,” Jensen groaned.
 
“Good,” Dr. Schizo smiled, “Mr. Winchester, can you please tell me about your
nightmare.”
 
Jensen looked at his friend struggle to say anything and placed a hand on
Jared’s shoulder in reassurance. Jared’s body went rigid and his face aged,
then he went back to his normal floppy haired self.
 
Dr. Hart was elated. He had never been able to have a conversation with Jared
about his nightmares, or anything really for that matter. His suspicion that
having Jensen in the room would help was proven correct.
 
“It… It’s happy at first,” Jared started, “My mom and dad are going on an
anniversary date.”
 
Dr. Hart waited a few seconds and then asked, “Then what happens?”
 
“I win against my uncle in ‘Mortal Kombat’,” Jared responded softly. He turned
and looked at Jensen, the concern and compassion he saw took his breath away.
He focused on his friend’s eyes. “The power goes out. A giant door opens and
lets light in and I run towards it-“ Jared stopped suddenly, tears clouding his
vision. He can’t see Jensen anymore. He reaches out for his friend, and finds
himself in the best hug he’s ever experienced.
 
Dr. Schizo was becoming impatient. “Mr. Winchester, what happens when you run
towards the light?!” He exclaims.
 
Jensen glares even harder at Dr. Hart and pulls Jared in closer, but is quickly
shoved away. Jared stands up, points his finger at Dr. Hart menacingly. “Then
your guts rain down on me after I kill your nosey ass!!!!” John shouts.
 
Dr. Hart squeaked, the inside of the thigh of his khaki pants darkens and flows
down his leg.
 
John smiles a fake toothy grin at Dr. Hart and sits down. “Pussy,” he comments,
before grabbing hold of Jensen’s face and looking him dead in the eyes. “If you
ever hurt my son,” John starts, “Well let’s just say you won’t like the
results.”
 
***
***** Visiting Day! aka Pirates or Ninjas? *****

Author's notes: Sorry it took so long, i had to decide what would be the best
next step.
===============================================================================
***
 
Jensen was sitting on the floor next to Jared who was explaining why he thought
that ninjas were superior to pirates. “Ninja’s are magic! They have way cooler
weapons and are super stealthy!” Jared exclaimed.
 
“I’m sorry to tell you this, but you’re so wrong!” Jensen protested, “Pirates
have cannons! They’re ruthless and they don’t need to be sneaky to win fights!”
 
Ruby had heard bits and piece of their conversation, but she couldn’t keep her
opinion to herself anymore, “sorry, Jensen, but ninja’s are way better than
pirates. Pirates had all kinds of diseases and smelled horrible, had poor
manners, and had no rules or morals or reasons to do what they did, which is
why they didn’t last very long at all compared to ninjas. Historically
speaking.”
 
Jared cheered.
 
Jensen pouted, “Why would you do that Ruby? Why?”
 
“Because you were about to talk about Johnny Depp and nothing tops Johnny
Depp,” Ruby responded knowingly. “Also Jensen you have a visitor today.”
 
“I have a visitor? I can have visitors?” Jensen excitedly asked.
 
“I just told you that you did and yes, Dr. Hart approved visitors after your
little powwow with him and Jared,” Ruby informed him.
 
Jensen and Jared’s cheeks turned slightly red. Dr. Hart still hadn’t looked
either of them in the eyes since that ‘little powwow’. Jensen stood up and
started to walk away with Ruby. They made it to one of entrances before he
asked, “Um, Ruby, can Jared come?”
 
“Jensen, I don’t know,” Ruby started.
 
Jared had started to follow then gave up and turned back towards his chair
before he heard Jensen’s question. He rushed over to them, looked at Jensen and
then at Ruby, before turning the puppy dog eyes on at full blast. “Please Ruby,
please, please,” he begged.
 
She looked like she was close but not quite ready to concede. Jared pulled out
the last and biggest weapon in his arsenal, the pouty bottom lip, and Ruby
caved like a house of cards.
 
“Ug! Fine, alright?!” She exclaimed in complete and utter annoyance, “But
listen here, Little, Big Mister don’t you dare ever use that lip on me again.”
She glared at him.
 
“Yes ma’am,” Jared giggled.
 
***
 
The visiting room was purple, not bright and cheery purple, but a warn out sad
purple. Images of flowers and trees were evenly spaced on the walls, each one
Jensen looked at was more depressing than the last, something about them and
their happy colors looked fake, like the smiles on the faces of the orderlies
that were guarding them.
 
There were a few other patients sitting at the other circular tables spread
through out the space, each waiting for their visitors. Jensen hoped it was
Katie; he missed her so much, though if he were honest with himself, he’d even
be okay with Ms. Harris stripping him with her mind, so long as he could talk
about something other than this place he was trapped in, see non-scrub
clothing, smell something besides the horrible sterile smell everyone and
everything around him had.
 
Jensen had just lost to Jared at rock, paper, scissors for the billionth time
when a thin, blond woman walked in. Jensen jumped up and went to hug her. Ruby
stepped in front of him.
 
“Sorry, Mr. Ackles, until you get level three visiting, no touching. Sorry,”
Ruby said.
 
Jensen sat back down. Jared took hold of his hand and smiled at him. Jensen’s
heart did a weird dance all over in his chest and he got just a little bit
light headed.
 
“Hey, Handsome,” Katie cooed, playing it cool and slipping into the plastic
chair across from Jensen.
 
Jared’s face turned beet red and he hid under his bangs. Jensen laughed at the
display, “Jay, she was talking to me,” Jensen informed. He turned to Katie;
“You were talking to me, right?”
 
Katie laughed, “Who says I can’t talk to both of you at the same time?”
 
Jared’s face got even redder and he attempted to hide himself, which was not an
easy task. Jensen patted his friend on the shoulder. “Jared, this… I really
want to say wonderful, but for some reason that doesn’t seem right, woman, is
Katie. My best friend on the outside.”
 
Jared turned back to her a little and said, in a very small voice, “Hi, Jenny
talks ‘bout you lots.”
 
“Nice to meet you Jared, and I’m sure that what ever he said was completely
untrue and heinous slander,” She laughed.
 
Jared laughed and then smiled at her.
 
“So how are you Jen-ny?” Katie asked, a wicked glimmer in her eye.
 
“Fine, how about you, Kate Kate?” He asked matching her glimmer.
 
“I miss my bestie-with-testies, and I can’t seem to turn off my ESP. you are
defiantly not fine.”
 
“It’s hard here, but I have Jared,” Jensen said smiling at the other man, “And
he has me.”
 
Jared blushed.
 
Jensen and Katie talked awhile and then an awkward silence came over the table,
it dragged on for what seemed like hours before Jared finally broke it. “Katie,
which is better, ninjas,” He started with enthusiasm, “or pirates,” Jared
deadpanned.
 
“Defiantly ninjas, they have way more cool weapons and they’re stealthy,” Katie
replied.
 
“Thank you!” Jared exclaimed.
 
“Who thinks pirates are better?” Katie asked.
 
Jared pointedly looked over at Jensen.
 
“Pshay, Jensen has no idea what he’s talking about, in that category,” Katie
responded. “How can we help him understand Jared?” Katie asked with an evil
grin.
 
“Well Katie, do you have any embarrassing stories I might be able to use
against him?”
 
“For when he’s arguing with you?” Katie asked with a chuckle.
 
“Yeah, something juicy with a lot of moments that makes him beg you to stop.”
 
“I have several…” Katie paused and thought.
 
“Katie, don’t you dare,” Jensen threatened, “I will never ever forgive you.”
 
“Shh, now sweetie, the grown ups are talking,” she responded.
 
“Grown ups?!” Jensen exclaimed, “I’m older than both of you!”
 
“Okay, then shh, grandpa the grandchildren are talking,” Jared put in. A huge
grin spread across his face revealing his dimples.
 
Jensen couldn’t decide if he should melt or pout, so he did both.
 
“Oh, I got a good one,” Katie smiled and rubbed her hands together, “Camping
trip, I believe it was during the summer after eighth grade.”
 
“Katie please don’t,” Jensen begged.
 
“That one’s perfect,” Jared replied giddily.
 
Ruby walked over to the table from her spot against the wall. “Is it okay if I
join you?” She asked, “I do not want to miss this kind of dirt.”
 
Jensen slammed his head onto the table. He gave up. And he really hated his
friends right now.
 
***
 
“Okay, so as if it wasn’t bad enough that my older sister caught Jensen
checking her out in the shower, when Jensen ran away, his towel got caught on a
bush. Guess who got poison ivy all over his very delicate parts,” Katie
finished with a chuckle.
 
Jared and Ruby looked at him, in complete silence for several seconds before
they started laughing their asses off. Some of the patients and their visitors
at other tables also laughed, which caused Katie, Jared and Ruby to laugh
harder.
 
Jensen was going to murder all of them.
 
***
***** Through the Looking Glass *****

Author's notes: Jared's POV (and it's nice and long! :D)
===============================================================================
***
 
It was the weirdest thing he’d ever experienced, it was like an out of body
experience, only he could see what was going on, hear it, but couldn’t feel his
body.
 
Before he met Jensen, this had never happened. He heard his father’s voice, saw
Dr. Hart cowering. Then Jensen’s face was in his hands. He screamed for his
father not to hurt his friend. Then it was dark, he couldn’t hear or see
anything.
 
A couple hours later he was himself again. Mostly himself again. He could feel
his father floating in the back of his mind. No not floating, but that was the
best way Jared could think to describe it to himself. He was in his room,
dressed and ready for bed. Bed sounded great, all of his muscles ached and he
had a major migraine.
 
***
 
Jared woke up the next morning, feeling much better than he had the night
before. Jared laughed to himself, ‘I’m bright eyed and bushy tailed.’ He went
to the door and knocked, stepping back to make sure the door wouldn’t hit him
when it was opened, and waited. Jared was just about to knock again when the
door swung open.
 
“Have a wonderful, safe and calm day, Mr. Winchester,” A female orderly greeted
him.
 
Jared raised an eyebrow at her, “uh, yeah, you too.” Jared responded. ‘She is
new, very, very new,” Jared thought to himself chuckling.
 
He sat in his favorite chair and waited for Jensen. A few moments later he was
up and across the room, bear hugging his friend. Their crotches brushed. His
world started to go black, but he refused to let darkness take him, Jensen
wouldn’t hurt him, he had no reason to be scared. ‘I’m okay, please dad, I got
this,” He thought to himself. Immediately the darkness receded causing Jared to
smile, he could do this.
 
Later that day he met Katie. She was nice and friendly. Plus she told the best
story ever. He knew that Jensen probably wanted to murder all of them but it
was a pretty funny story.
 
After Katie had left they ate dinner. “Jenny, look!” Jared exclaimed stuffing
French fries into his nostrils. Jensen turned towards him slightly, the milk
carton in his hand dropped on to his lap. Jensen laughed so hard that the milk
in his mouth shot out of his nose and landed with the rest of the carton on his
lap.
 
“Jared!” Jensen exclaimed between bouts of laughter.
 
“Sorry, Jenny, I just didn’t want you to be mad at me anymore,” Jared
apologized.
 
Jensen pulled Jared into a hug and whispered into his ear, “I could never be
mad at you, you are the only reason I smile in here.” An orderly came over and
led Jensen out of the cafeteria and back to his room so he could get cleaned
up. “See you tomorrow Jay,” Jensen called over his shoulder.
 
“See you in my dreams,” Jared whispered to himself.
 
***
 
That night Jared did not see Jensen in his dreams. He saw blood, so much blood
and he heard muffled cries.
 
***
 
The next morning Jared woke up in different clothes than he was wearing the
night before. He ignored it and got himself dressed and ready for the day. He
hurt all over, muscles he didn’t even know he had screamed in protest whenever
he moved. He knocked on the door. Waited a few moments and knocked again. Still
no response.
 
He knocked as hard as he could, screaming the entire time. He was not okay and
he needed to see Jensen. Jensen made everything okay. He made everything
better.
 
Finally the slot in the door opened. “Mr. Winchester I’m sorry there has been
an incident. Everyone is on lock down today. Dr. Hart will be in to see you
later,” the man rambled off.
 
“I need to see Jenny!” Jared shouted.
 
“I’m sorry, but-” The orderly started.
 
“Jenny!” Jared screamed, slamming his head into the door. He kept repeating
“Jenny!” and slamming his head into the door. Over and over and over again.
 
The orderly opened the door. Several other orderlies ran into the room and held
Jared down while they injected him with a sedative. Jared’s world started going
dark. "Dad! Jensen! Daddy! Jenny!" Jared pleaded. His thoughts echoed around
his head. Soon he was unconscious, floating in nothingness.
 
***
 
When Jared woke up, he was strapped onto his bed and Dr. Hart was staring at
him. "Hello Mr. Winchester," Dr. Hart greeted mildly, "how are you feeling?"
 
Jared hurt, he was thirsty and seriously needed to take a leak, but he wasn't
going to talk to him. He needed to see Jensen. That was all he needed, he
needed his friend to make him feel something good.
 
"Mr. Winchester?" Dr. Hart pressed.
 
"Jensen," Jared responded quietly.
 
Dr. Hart stood up and went to the door before knocking twice in quick
succession. The door opened and Ruby's red haired head peaked though. "Please
get Mr. Ackles for me."
 
"On it," Ruby responded.
 
Dr. Hart took a seat and waited patiently for Ruby to return. The entire time
staring at Jared, head cocked to the side and eyes moving up and down over
Jared's form, a small smirk playing on his lips.
 
Ruby opened the door a few minutes later and Dr. Hart immediately made himself
look professional. He sat up straight, put his hands in his lap and a concerned
mask slid over his face.
 
“Jared!” Jensen exclaimed pushing his way into the room.
 
“That is far enough Mr. Ackles,” Dr. Hart chided. “Nurse would you please
remove his restraints.”
 
Ruby glared at Dr. Hart. ‘I’m not a fucking nurse,’ she thought, moving over to
the bed and removing the straps. She gently brushed Jared’s hair off of his
forehead and smiled at him. It was a small uncertain smile, but it made Jared
feel a little better. Though of course nothing could compare to how he felt
when he saw Jensen. It was like the world was perfect, bright, harmonious and
peaceful but eventful.
 
Jared stood up and felt lightheaded instantaneously. Jensen caught him before
he could fall. Jared saw stars and it had nothing to do with his
lightheadedness.
 
“You okay?” Jensen asked.
 
“M alright, just stood up to fast. Thanks for saving me Jenny,” Jared replied
softly.
 
Dr. Hart cleared his throat, “Gentlemen please take a seat,” Dr. Hart
instructed. After they had taken a seat on Jared’s bed Dr. Hart continued, “Mr.
Winchester please tell me what was going through your head this morning before
you were sedated.”
 
“I had a bad dream,” Jared replied quietly.
 
“Is it the same as your usual nightmares, Mr. Winchester?” Dr. Hart asked.
 
Jared squeezed Jensen’s hand. ‘We’re on lock down,’ he thought, ‘last time that
happened was when Bobby died.’ “Yes,” Jared lied.
 
Dr. Hart saw the hesitation but ignored it figuring that it was just Jared’s
normal discomfort. “Can you please tell me what happens after you run towards
the light?” Dr. Hart almost begged. He loved puzzles but this particular one
was infuriating to him.
 
“There’s this big shadow,” Jared said, looking down at his and Jensen’s
intertwined hands.
 
Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand a little more. “You can do this Jay, I believe in
you,” Jensen told him, “I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”
 
Jared’s eyes started welling up and he blinked several times to hold the tears
back before looking at Jensen. “The shadow grabs me and I feel the wind in my
hair as it drags me up. Then it-it tear-tears my clothes off,” Jared started to
sob. He can’t breath. The room is too small. Jensen is to far away.
 
Jensen pulled Jared into a hug and rocked him gently, whispering, “I got you,
Jared, you’re safe, I got you.”
 
Once Jared managed to calm down Dr. Hart asked, “Are you okay to continue Mr.
Winchester? I think we are close to making a break through.”
 
Jared nodded against Jensen’s shoulder.
 
“What happened next?” Dr. Hart asked gently. He had to hold himself back or he
would have jumped up and down in excitement. He was finally going to have
answers and John had yet to make an appearance.
 
“The shadow laughs at my penis, he asks ‘if I really call that a penis?’” Jared
mumbled.
 
“The shadow is your uncle?” Dr. Hart asked.
 
“No, I can’t see uncle Jeff anywhere,” Jared replied on the verge of tears
again.
 
“Who is the shadow?” Dr. Hart asked leaning forward.
 
Jensen had both arms wrapped around Jared, still softly rocking him.
 
“I don’t know,” Jared shouts, a new round of tears began to fall.
 
“You’re okay, I got you and no one will hurt you, Jay. I got you and you’re
okay,” Jensen soothed. Then he shot a look at Dr. Schizo, a look that screamed,
‘If John takes over because of you. You’re so Dead!’
 
Jared hiccupped and then laughed. He had always loved the sound of hiccups, he
didn’t know why other people were always so mad that they had hiccups. Hiccups
were awesome!
 
Jensen laughed.
 
Jared lifted his head off of Jensen’s shoulder and looked at him. “What?” He
asked his friend, sniffling slightly.
 
“Hiccups are awesome,” Jensen responded.
 
Jared blushed, “I said that-“ HICCUP “-out loud, didn’t I?”
 
“Yes you did,” Jensen said, hugging his friend tighter.
 
“Mr. Winchester, what happened after the shadow laughed?” Dr, Hart asked, and
just like that the moment was ruined and the smile disappeared from Jared and
Jensen’s faces.
 
“I… I,” Jared took a deep breath, “I screamed.”
 
“And then what happened Mr. Winchester?”
 
“His, um, his you know, wa-was in-in,” Jared couldn’t finish his sentence. He
heard his father yell and the darkness closed in. A little while later when
Jared opened his eyes, he saw that his father had moved away from Jensen and
could hear bits and pieces of what they were saying but it didn't sound like
actual words. He focused.
 
“You are a sick fuck!” John/he shouted, “You think I didn’t see how you were
looking at my son? Huh?” John stood up and Jared felt the change in altitude
but couldn’t control what was happening. ‘It’s okay Jared, I won’t hurt Jensen,
go back to sleep,’ his father soothed.
 
Jared did. He closed his eyes and had a wonderful dream. He wasn’t crazy; his
uncle had never let another man hurt him. He and Jensen lived in a small
cottage style home.
 
***
 
Jared drove up to the blue house he and Jensen shared with two dogs and a
daughter. His life was amazing. They weren’t rich but never had to worry about
money. Their parents had accepted their relationship without a second thought.
Both dogs were rescues, just like their little girl, Ruby, who had the most
beautiful red hair and blue eyes you’d ever seen. She had a hard life before
they adopted her, but she was happy and loved her life with them. Jensen was a
cowboy/firefighter/emt and Jared was president of a software company and a
actor/songwriter/singer/vegetarian.
 
All to soon the dream slipped through his fingers and he was back in his room,
alone.
***** The Long Awaited Return *****

Author's notes: OMG! sorry it took so long but OMG! I am a very happy man
person right now and i hope you all are too! (being a happy lady person is also
awesome!)
===============================================================================
***
 
 
In the last month two more people had died. Samantha and Dr. Pastrami. Jared
hadn’t been Jared in almost as long and it was driving Jensen insane. More
insane. John had been civil but wouldn’t talk about Jared with him.
 
Dr. Hart had kept a very large distance away from John. Which meant that he
kept his distance from Jensen too because there was no way in hell that Jensen
was going to not be there when Jared was Jared again.
 
The days had begun to blur together. The same thing everyday with no end in
sight; wake up, dress, eat, free time, eat, therapy, free time, eat, sleep.
Everyday for going on two months now.
 
***
 
Jensen forced himself to get up. He was grumpy, understandably so; he hadn’t
gotten to see, talk to, or touch his best friend in way to damn long. If Jared
wasn’t back today Jensen was seriously considering beating the holy living shit
out of Dr. Hart.
 
All of the problems in the universe were Dr. Hart’s fault. Jensen was sure of
it. He dressed himself and then knocked on the door. It opened and after the
usual inspection he was allowed to go to the cafeteria for breakfast.
 
Jensen walked through the line and took his seat next to John.
 
“Mornin’,” John muttered.
 
Jensen grunted in reply.
 
John put down his piece of toast and turned to examine the other man. “He’s not
ready yet, Jensen. The second he is, I’m sure you’ll be the first to know.”
 
Jensen turned on the older man in a young man’s body and grabbed the front of
his shirt. “What the fuck is wrong with him! What is he not ready for?” Jensen
growled.
 
John didn’t move or speak for a moment and it pissed Jensen off more so he
shook him. “Answer me!” Jensen shouted. The orderlies were closing in.
 
“Jensen please let Jared go,” Ruby said calmly as she reached for Jensen’s
hands.
 
Jensen turned on her so quickly and with so much anger in his eyes that Ruby
flinched and took an involuntary step back. “This is NOT Jared,” Jensen ground
out.
 
“Ma’am, tell your goons to ignore this and leave,” John commanded and then
turned to Jensen, “he is afraid of what you’ll say.”
 
Jensen let John go and looked at him for a long moment. No one in the room
moved, all of them staring in rapt attention at the exchange. “Afraid of what
I’ll say to what?” Jensen asked in barely a whisper.
 
“My son likes you, Jensen,” John responded.
 
“I like him too,” Jensen exclaimed.
 
“He,” John sighed before continuing, “He may be in love with you.”
 
Jensen almost jumped for joy but he stopped himself when he noticed all the
eyes in the room were turned towards them. It had taken a long time and many
sleepless nights but he was finally able to come to terms with his feelings and
the fact that Chris was right.
 
(FLASHBACK)
 
His apartment was a mess. Clothes strewn over every surface, broken objects lay
haphazardly about, completely forgotten and he and Chris were in another one of
their every more frequent fights.
 
“Fuck you!” Jensen screamed.
 
“Maybe if you did we wouldn’t fight so much!” Chris retorted.
 
“What’s that supposed to mean!?” Jensen growled.
 
“You’re dick is fucking broken! Am I not pretty enough for you! Huh! What the
fuck is it Jensen!?”
 
“My dick isn’t broken! And there’s nothing wrong with you except you should be
committed because you’re so fucking unstable!”
 
“You know what, Jensen! I am done! I knew there was something wrong with you
but I ignored it. Enjoy your fucking homo life.”
 
The door slammed and Jensen fell to his knees. Tears fell freely from his eyes
against his will. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door.
 
“GO AWAY!” Jensen screamed.
 
The door unlocked and Katie stood infront of him, “Not on your life,” She said
softly before coming over to him and bringing him into a hug.
 
(END OF FLASHBACK)
 
***
 
That evening Jensen sat next to John in therapy. They hadn’t been able to get a
moment alone to talk. A doctor he’d never seen before was leading group today.
 
“Hello, my name is Dr. Hase. Ruby has kindly offered to sit in today to help me
get to know each of you and tell me where Dr. Pastrami was leading each of you
in your treatments,” he informed them with a huge smile plastered on his face.
 
Jensen immediately didn’t like the doctor. One look at John told Jensen that he
didn’t like the new doctor much either.
 
“Hmmm,” Dr. Hase hummed, “Where to start, where to start. How about we start
with Mr. Ackles.”
 
Jensen groaned.
 
Dr. Hase seemed completely oblivious to his distain and continued, “Mr. Ackles
can you please tell me something interesting about yourself.”
 
“I have a tail,” Jensen stated, with an eye roll.
 
“Wow that is very interesting,” Dr. Hase gleefully replied. Ruby leaned down
and whispered into the doctor’s ear. Slowly the smile was replaced with a
frown. “Mr. Ackles, please refrain from joking. I am very serious when I ask
what you believe to be a bit of interesting information about yourself.”
 
“Fine,” Jensen deadpanned, “I find it interesting that… I can’t do anything
here with out it having to mean something horrible.”
 
Dr. Hase opened his mouth but Jensen cut him off, “Honestly, that is
interesting to me. The end.”
 
Dr. Hase huffed at the brush off but moved on, “How about you, Mr. Winchester?”
 
“Pass,” John replied gruffly.
 
“Pass? You can’t pass, this is therapy,” Dr. Hase scolded.
 
“Yeah it is. Forcing me to speak isn’t going to help me. So, I pass,” John
replied angrily.
 
Dr. Hase looked between the two of them, obviously fuming. Ruby was trying to
hold back her laughter in the corner. John turned and smiled at Jensen; it was
a Jared smile and Jensen’s heart nearly exploded in his chest.
 
“Hi, Jenny,” Jared greeted.
 
“Hi, Jay,” Jensen replied with a huge grin and a slight blush.
 
***
 
After therapy they were allowed to go to the common room. Jared grabbed
Jensen’s arm and led him away from the group when the orderlies weren’t looking
and drug him into a closet.
 
“Jared?” Jensen asked.
 
“Shh, Jenny, we have to very, very sneaky. Like a ninja or they will catch us
and we won’t be able to talk,” Jared whispered.
 
“Oh,” Jensen replied softly. He was grateful for the darkness because he knew
he was blushing. The closet wasn’t very large and he could feel Jared’s body
pressed against his.
 
“Sorry I was gone for so long,” Jared told him.
 
Jensen could feel the younger man’s breath on his face and it was really
distracting. His heart was pounding in his ears and his stomach had butterflies
and he couldn’t stop his hands from sweating. “It, um, it’s okay,” He started,
“I’m just glad you’re back.”
 
“Me too,” Jared replied.
 
“Wha-what did you wanna talk a-about?” Jensen stuttered. Jared’s hands were
touching his waist and he couldn’t seem to breath. The situation was made even
worse because he knew that Jared could feel his erection pressing against his
thigh.
 
“Jensen, I like you.”
 
“I like you, too.”
 
“Jensen, I like like you,” Jared corrected, “if you don’t like like me back
it’s okay. Can we still be best friends.”
 
When Jensen didn’t respond immediately Jared begged, “Please, please don’t hate
me Jensen. Plea-“
 
Jensen silenced him the only way his body would allow. He pressed his lips onto
Jared's. The kiss was chaste and short but passionate. When Jensen pulled away
he was out of breath and so was Jared.
 
“Wow,” Jared panted.
 
“Wow,” Jensen agreed.
 
***
***** Ruby's Day Off *****

Author's notes: [Image_and_video_hosting_by_TinyPic]
===============================================================================
***
 
That night Jensen was lying in his bed, unable to sleep, the kiss he’d shared
with Jared kept replaying in his mind. He imagined that the kiss had happened
in Paris, or on a gondola. The longer he lay awake the more vivid the kiss
became and the more scenic the area around them was.
 
***
 
The next morning Jensen couldn’t stop smiling. He even greeted the orderly who
inspected his room that morning. She blushed and told him to have a wonderful
day. Jensen saw Jared waiting for him in the cafeteria.
 
‘It is going to be the greatest day ever,’ Jensen thought to himself as he was
tackled to the ground by an overly energetic teddy bear of a man.
 
“OH MY GOD! They have bacon and sausage!” Jared exclaimed as they made their
way through the line.
 
Jensen started laughing when Jared turned to him and turned on the puppy dog
eyes. “No worries Jay, you can have mine,” Jensen informed him with a smile.
 
Jared squealed in excitement and Jensen’s heart started doing summersaults in
his chest. He loved making Jared smile or squeal or anything even remotely
happy.
 
They sat down at their usual table and started digging in. Jensen was taking a
drink of his milk when Jared wrapped his hand around Jensen’s other hand,
causing Jensen to take a deep breath of milk.
 
“Jenny I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” Jared asked patting Jensen’s back gently
while he coughed.
 
“Yeah, I’m okay,” Jensen replied when he could breath again.
 
“Good,” Jared nodded.
 
“Why is it that you always do stuff like that when I’m drinking?” Jensen asked.
Jared looked away guiltily. “You do it on purpose!” Jensen accused.
 
“You’re just so cute like that, I can’t resist,” Jared replied softly.
 
And just like that, Jensen couldn’t be mad at Jared anymore.
 
***
 
After lunch they were playing checkers and Jared was cheating.
 
“Jared, you can’t do that,” Jensen exclaimed.
 
“Why not?” Jared asked innocently.
 
“It’s against the rules.”
 
“It’s called imagination, Jenny.”
 
“Imagin-“ Jensen scoffed. He looked Jared in the eyes and felt his irritation
drain immediately. ‘I officially can’t look him in the eyes anymore,’ Jensen
thought. “Okay,” Jensen smirked, “Then I’m going to do this!” He jumped all of
Jared’s checkers and then fist pumped the air. “King of checkers!” Jensen
exclaimed.
 
Jared sat there, gapping at the older man for a moment before bowing his head,
“Your majesty,” Jared giggled.
 
Jensen laughed and smiled in a way he hadn’t in such a long time. It was a real
whole body smile; nothing else mattered in that moment except that he was with
Jared.
 
“Hello boys, how are you doing today?” Ruby asked, there was a glint in her
eyes that made Jensen nervous.
 
“Great Ruby!” Jared exclaimed joyously.
 
“Did you have fun yesterday? You know after group,” Ruby inquired nonchalantly.
 
Jared and Jensen looked at eachother, a blush appearing on their cheeks. “Uh
huh,” Jensen muttered, looking anywhere but at the red haired woman.
 
She leaned in close, “I’m glad you did, but if you two ever disappear again
when I’m in charge of you, I’ll find you and make you even more uncomfortable
than this. Understand boys?” She whispered.
 
“Yes ma’am,” The responded.
 
“Good,” Ruby replied, beaming at them, “took long enough.” Then she went back
to her spot by the wall to watch the room.
 
Jensen couldn’t help it, he started laughing and soon Jared joined him.
 
***
 
The following day after breakfast Jared pulled Jensen into the same closet as
he had the first time.
 
“Jared, we can’t Ruby will kill us,” Jensen whispered frantically.
 
“It’s her day off, Jenny,” Jared replied happily.
 
“Oh,” was all Jensen could get out before the younger man’s lips crashed into
his. This kiss was less gentle than their first had been. It was needy,
forceful, amazing. Jared’s hands wrapped themselves around Jensen’s waist and
pushed up under the back of his shirt, scratching lightly at the smooth silky
skin he found under there.
 
Jensen tangled his fingers into Jared’s hair, tugging the younger man down
gently. His other hand held the front of Jared’s shirt tightly. Jensen’s tongue
licked the seam of Jared’s lips. Jared opened his mouth instantly and moaned
when Jensen’s tongue touched his. They fought for control, hands exploring
eachother’s bodies. For a second Jared’s body tensed up and Jensen started to
panic, but pushed it down when Jared relaxed and took his mouth again.
 
“Mr. Ackles,” a voice called from the hallway, “Mr. Winchester?”
 
They pulled away from eachother and put their hands over their mouths. The
footsteps sounded closer and closer. Jensen’s heart was beating in his ears.
Jared’s grip on his hand was almost painful.
 
The footsteps stopped and they saw the shadow under the door. After a moment
the footsteps continued on. They both breathed a sigh of relief and after a
couple minutes opened the door and walked swiftly to the common room.
 
“OOF!” a man exclaimed when Jared ran into him causing him to fall flat on his
butt.
 
“Sorry,” Jared apologized looking down and seeing Dr. Hart.
 
Dr. Hart’s eyes bugged out and he jumped to his feet before walking away
quickly.
 
Jensen and Jared watched him go and then laughed.
 
An orderly walked up to them, “Where were you two?!” He exclaimed.
 
A moment passed without either of them responding. The orderly was practically
glaring at them and tapping his foot, waiting for an answer.
 
“Talking to Dr. Hart?” Jensen asked.
 
“Yeah, talking to Dr. Hart,” Jared exclaimed.
 
The orderly sighed, “Okay, why don’t you two go play a game.”
 
They walked away from him and breathed a second sigh of relief before laughing
again. They had gotten away with it and it was the most exciting experience of
their lives.
 
***
***** Nightlife *****

Author's notes: a tiny bit of Jensen's POV at the beginning then it's Jared's
POV
===============================================================================
Jensen was delirious; Jared was the best kisser he had ever, well, kissed. It
was gently but unafraid. Forceful without hurting, too much. Jared was the most
perfect person he’d ever met and he couldn’t wait until they were both done
with the center so they could start their lives together.
 
He sat on his bed writing with a crayon in the stupid Twilight book he’d
promised himself he’d never read again, unless Jared’s life depended on it, and
even then only if he got Jared back and a free meal at IHOP so Jared could have
as much bacon and sausage as he wanted. J&J was written thirty-seven times in
various fonts and sizes through out the book. Originally his plan had been to
write it on every page but instead he made it into a scavenger hunt.
 
J&J pg 27.
 
J&J pg 2.
 
J&J pg 69.
 
Jensen burst out laughing. Jared was rubbing off on him and he loved every
moment of it.
 
***
 
Jared lay awake waiting for a morning that just refused to come quickly enough
for him. The nightmares happened less often than they had before. Every time he
touched Jensen or Jensen touched him they completely left his mind. He dreamed
most nights of his life after the center, he and Jensen walking around
carnivals, trying to win each other bigger and bigger stuffed animals, vacation
in exotic places, with giant bugs that he could protect Jensen from, but most
of all, he dreamed of falling asleep in the older man’s arms, he always felt
safe and loved and wanted in Jensen’s arms.
 
Without realizing it Jared fell asleep. The nightmare had a different ending.
Normally his dad beat the shit out of his uncle, but not tonight. Tonight his
uncle beat the shit out of his dad. Jared started to cry, ‘that’s not how it’s
supposed to happen,’ he screamed at the nightmare.
 
A laugh echoed in his mind, bouncing off of everything. Jared smelled blood;
the coppery tang was to intense on his pallet. The screams were deafening.
 
‘STOP IT!’ his father screamed.
 
‘Make me,’ his uncle taunted.
 
It was to much, Jared retreated into the darkness, making himself as small as
he could and hiding in a corner of his mind that was Jensen orientated. His
solace was short lived.
 
‘Cock sucker’
 
‘Whore’
 
‘You really think I’d love you?’
 
The walls shouted at him. Jensen’s laugh echoed around him, it was so familiar
but so wrong. Jensen’s laugh was normally happy and loving. The wall’s laugh
was angry, bitter and full of hate.
 
‘Stop!’ Jared commanded. ‘Stop, please, stop,’ he begged.
 
The walls ignored him, they kept laughing at his pain, reveling in it.
 
***
 
Jared woke up the next morning feeling more tired than he had the night before.
He hurt. Not his muscles or bones but his soul, it hurt, it just really hurt.
Nothing sounded good, not bacon, hugging a puppy, not even Jensen provided him
any comfort.
 
There was a knock on his door. “Mr. Winchester, rise and shine,” an orderly
sing-songaly called out to him as she stuck her head around the door, “it’s way
past wake up time, sleepy head.”
 
Jared groaned, he wished he didn’t have to deal with this overly chipper
orderly. He got up and dressed himself, tossing yesterdays scrubs into the
hamper. He followed her out of the room and to the cafeteria.
 
Jensen was waiting for him, a huge smile on his face. “Hi, Jay.”
 
Jared flinched and then scolded himself for it, it was just a dream, Jensen
wouldn’t ever hurt him like that. “Hi, Jensen,” Jared replied with a small
smile. His heart broke when he saw the look on his best friend’s face, he
couldn’t believe that he had caused Jensen so much pain.
 
Jared was about to go hug him when a voice in the back of his mind said, ‘he
doesn’t love you, how could he? Especially after all the things you’ve done.’
 
Jared stopped short and turned away from Jensen towards the breakfast line. ‘He
deserves better than me anyways,’ Jared thought.
 
The entire day, every time Jensen tried to cheer him up the voice would say
something like, ‘he’s doing it cause he pities you. You’re not good enough and
you know it.’ And Jared would turn away from his friend.
 
By the time Jared entered his room for the night, he couldn’t hold it back
anymore, all the hurt and guilt poured from his eyes. Eventually he fell
asleep, it was worse than the night before and no matter how much he begged,
his father didn’t protect him.
***** The Third J *****
***
 
“Jared,” Jensen called from the entrance of the cafeteria, the next morning.
Another orderly had been murdered but the staff had given up on lock downs
after the last murder. Jensen figured that they thought it was better to have a
routine.
 
When the floppy hair fell back and away from his face, Jensen flinched. The
anger in those eyes was too much for him. Jensen’s heart exploded into a
million pieces, all the oxygen seemed to leave the room and tears started
running down his cheeks.
 
Jared’s face contorted into the most heinous smirk Jensen had ever seen. This
was not Jared, it wasn’t even John, this was something wholly evil. Jensen
started panicking, even when John had control over Jared’s body, he was at
least human, this Thing was something nightmares are made from.
 
The Thing walked past him, it’s hand touching his stomach causing Jensen’s
knees to buckle. His knees hit the linoleum and last nights supper soon
followed.
 
Ruby ran over and crouched down next to him, “hey, are you okay?” She asked,
rubbing calming circles on his back.
 
Jensen didn’t respond, the rug had been pulled out from under him, the world
wasn’t beautiful, it was a mess. If someone as gentle and joyous as Jared could
be taken over by something so evil, there was no hope for him.
 
***
 
Jensen spent the rest of the day in the medical center. He didn’t speak. Didn’t
blink. Didn’t eat, drink or even sleep. His thoughts were entirely on Jared.
His thoughts made no sense to the rational part of his mind but he had to save
Jared. He had to.
 
Crying seemed to be the only thing he could do, his limps refused to move and
he just couldn’t find it in himself to demand anything from his body. So, he
lay in bed, half listening to doctors and nurses talk about him and cried.
 
***
 
The next day Ruby brought that Thing into see him. “Hey, Jensen, I thought you
might want to see your friend,” Ruby said softly, like the vibrations of her
speaking voice was going to break him physically as much as that Thing in
Jared’s body had broken him emotionally.
 
“Hi Jenny,” It sneered.
 
“Who are you?” Jensen demanded.
 
“Jensen,” Ruby scolded.
 
“I’m Jared, don’t you remember me?” It asked, pretending to be hurt.
 
“You,” Jensen shouted, “are NOT Jared!”
 
“Jenny I am,” It retorted.
 
“Ruby,” Jensen begged, “Does that sound like Jared to you!?”
 
Ruby looked at Jared’s face for a moment. It drug on and on. Ruby cocked her
head to the side and then said, “Jensen, I’m sorry but it does look like
Jared.”
 
Jensen was beginning to panic again, how could he make her see that this wasn’t
Jared. A thought struck him out of nowhere, “Jared,” He said as sweetly as he
could muster, “How bout we get some bacon,” He suggested.
 
“Sure,” It responded.
 
Ruby took a step back and squinted at the Thing in Jared’s body. “Who are you
really?” She asked.
 
“Ruby, what? It’s me, Jared,” It whimpered.
 
“Bull shit,” Ruby countered.
 
It’s face changed instantly, “Well shit, thought I could fake it for a few more
days before you brainiacs caught on,” It said.
 
“Who are you!” Jensen demanded again.
 
“I’m sure you know who I am, Jawed wuvs you after all,” It mocked.
 
“Jeffery!” Jensen exclaimed.
 
“Ten points for Gryffindor,” Jeffery applauded sarcastically.
 
“His uncle?” Ruby asked angrily.
 
“One and the same, Red,” Jeffery laughed.
 
Jensen hopped down off of the hospital bed and punched Jeffery in the face.
“Get the FUCK out of Jared!” Jensen screamed.
 
Jeffery pulled himself off of the floor, “How could someone who claims to love
Jared, so easily punch him?”
 
“Easy, you’re not Jared. In fact because of you, Jared has nightmares. So, as
far as I’m concerned, you are begging for a beat down.”
 
Jeffery laughed, “Fine, you can have your precious Jared back, for now.”
 
Jared’s body contorted in pain and he screamed. Jared blinked a few times.
“How, how did I get here?” Jared asked, “OW, why does my face hurt?”
 
Jensen got down on his knees and wrapped his arms around the younger man’s
trembling frame. “It’s okay, Jay, I got you.”
 
Jared snuggled into Jensen’s touch, warmth spread across his body, pushing the
nightmares and sadness away. Jared started to cry.
 
“Jared, it’s okay, I love you and I got you,” Jensen soothed.
 
“You love me?” Jared asked quietly.
 
“Of course I love you, silly. You’re the most beautiful, kind and funny person
I’ve ever met,” Jensen informed him before leaning down and taking the younger
man’s lips. There was a moment of hesitation in Jared before he pushed into the
kiss with all of his might.
 
They heard the curtain rustle and it became a bit darker around them. “I’ll be
on the other side, okay,” Ruby asked.
 
Neither of them responded, they were to wrapped up in each other.
 
***
 
A week later and there was still no sign of Jeffery. Jensen and Jared spent
every second they could with each other, but unfortunately they still couldn’t
be together at night, when Jared needed Jensen the most.
 
***
***** He's GONE! *****

Author's notes: Jared's POV
===============================================================================
***
 
Jared tossed and turned that night in his sleep, his uncle was telling him how
much better Jensen would be without him, again. Jared bolted upright in his
bed. He shivered. Sweat covered every inch of his body and he couldn’t breath.
 
Jared threw off the blanket and moved his legs over the side of his bed. He
walked over to the small desk against the opposite wall and picked up the
macaroni sculpture Jensen had made for him. It’s adorable blobishness brought a
smile to his face.
 
He lay down on the floor with the blob and fell into a dreamless sleep. It was
the best he’d slept in weeks.
 
***
 
Jared got up off the floor the next morning, stretched out and yawned. He bent
over and picked up the sculpture before placing it back in it’s spot on his
desk. Next, he pulled off his dirty, slightly smelly clothes and put them in
the hamper before getting fresh ones out of his dresser and pulling them on.
 
He was let out of his room and practically ran to the cafeteria. Jensen was
waiting for him, it made his heart swell even though it was a daily occurrence.
Jared wrapped his arms around the older man and whispered, “I missed you,” into
Jensen’s ear.
 
“I missed you, too, Jay,” Jensen responded.
 
They walked through the line with their hands intertwined. An orderly tried to
stop them but Ruby ripped him a new one and they were allowed to continue to
their table with their hands still held together.
 
Jensen kept smiling at him and it made him blush slightly. Jensen was the best
thing since sliced bread and would continue to be the best thing ever, until
the end of time.
 
“I’m better than sliced bread?” Jensen laughed.
 
Jared’s blush deepened, “And bacon,” Jared replied bashfully.
 
Jensen moved their hands onto Jared’s thigh and wrapped his other arm around
Jared. “You’re gunna give me cavities, you know that,” Jensen teased.
 
***
After lunch they had group. They were holding hands when Dr. Hase walked in.
The doctor cleared his throat, “What are you two doing?” He asked.
 
Jared looked down at their hands and then back up at the doctor, “Holding
hands, sir,” he responded softly.
 
The doctor looked taken a back by the honesty but recovered quickly. “That is
inappropriate, please stop this instant.”
 
Jared loosened his hold on Jensen’s hand but Jensen just gripped his more
tightly around Jared’s. Jared looked up at his friend’s face. Jensen’s eyes
screamed defiance.
 
“Mr. Ackles, do you want all of your privileges to be revoked?” Dr. Hase asked
sternly.
 
“Jenny, it’s okay, I’m okay,” Jared told him. When Jensen gripped a little
harder, Jared turned on the puppy dog eyes. “Please, Jensen,” Jared begged.
 
Jensen reluctantly let go with a defeated sigh.
 
“Thank you,” Dr. Hase said before taking his seat. “Now who would like to start
group off today?”
 
“Me,” Jared’s mouth said.
 
‘NO! Not me,’ Jared screamed. His mouth refused to cooperate with him.
 
“Aw, Mr. Winchester, what would you like to share with us?” Dr. Hase asked in
surprise.
 
“When I was four, I gave my uncle a blow job. It was fun. I didn’t even
struggle. What do you think that means, doctor?” Jared started to cry his body
was betraying him.
 
“Um, what? Where is all of this-“ Dr. Hase asked, clearly frazzled.
 
“What about the fact that I used to put my finger in our dog’s ass?”
 
Jared gave up. He had no control over what was being said. Most of it untrue.
He hid in the darkness, let it consume him; let it take it far, far from the
body that was betraying him.
 
‘Son,’ a voice, barely a whisper, called.
 
“Dad?” Jared asked.
 
“Jared, I’m so sorry. I tried but he got out,” the voice responded.
 
“What are you talking about,” Jared screamed.
 
“Your uncle Jeff,” It stated weakly.
 
Jared’s world started spinning, “uncle Jeff is dead!”
 
“So am I,” His father told him, stepping into the light. His face was a bloody
mess, his clothes were torn and he was limping.
 
“Dad!” Jared cried, running over to his father. He got there just in time to
stop his father from landing on the ground.
 
“Jeff’s been slipping by me at night. He killed those people Jared. I’m so
sorry. I should have fought harder, I should have,” His father coughed up
blood.
 
“What? Dad, Dad what’s going on?” Jared sobbed.
 
“Jared, I love you. Jensen loves you. Don’t let him trick you,” John breathed.
John’s body grew lighter and lighter in Jared’s arms. Soon John was gone.
 
Jared brought his knees to his shoulders and rocked himself back and forth
while he cried. He’d had his father back for less than six months and now he
was gone again, for good this time.
 
A square of light appeared on a wall in front of him. It went black for a
second before it started playing numbers, counting down from four.
 
It was early morning, he saw himself dressed in a black tux. He was twelve.
 
He remembered that day. It was his father’s funeral.
 
He was crying. His mother was crying. They weren’t alone; dozens of people
stood around them, dressed in black, each with tears streaming down their
faces.
 
“We are gathered here today, not to mourn for a lost: friend, husband, and
father. We are here today to celebrate the life, John Winchester, led. The way
he touched each of our lives. Let us not mourn for him, as he is in heaven
now,” The priest said.
 
Jared was angry, he remembered that priest, that new priest, the one who knew
nothing about his father, knew nothing about God or how to give last rights to
his father.
 
***
 
It was morning again before Jared was able to take back control of his body. He
hurt all over, inside and out. Watching his father’s funeral on a loop all
night had really taken its toll.
 
He got ready for the day and knocked on his door. He walked slowly to the
cafeteria. Jensen hugged him and he started to cry.
 
“Jay? Oh, Jay, what’s a matter?” Jensen asked softly, holding the younger man
tighter in his arms.
 
“I killed them, Jensen, I killed them,” Jared whispered against Jensen’s ear.
 
“I don’t understand, who Jay?” Jensen asked. His concern was growing with every
second that passed.
 
“Bobby and Genevieve, Samantha and everyone else,” Jared exclaimed.
 
Jensen tried to comfort him, he kissed Jared and told him sweet nothings about
how it was going to be okay.
 
Jared shoved Jensen away causing Jensen to land on the linoleum. “It’s not
okay!” Jared shouted before turning around and running.
 
***
***** THE END *****

Author's notes: I tried to avoid this chapter, but it had to come. I bawled my
eyes out and I'm sorry.
===============================================================================
***
 
Jensen ran after Jared with Ruby just a few steps behind. “Jared,” Ruby called.
 
“JARED!” Jensen screamed.
 
Jared didn’t stop; he just kept running, farther and farther away from Jensen.
He knocked over an orderly and stole his keys. Jared used them to open the door
to the staircase.
 
“Jared, what are you doing?” Ruby asked as she and Jensen rounded the corner.
 
Jared turned for a split second to face them before turning back around and
bolting up the stairs, two at a time.
 
The door slammed in Jensen’s face. “Ruby open the fucking door!”
 
Ruby fiddled with her keys, she just couldn’t find the right one. When she
finally did, the roof alarm sounded. “Fuck, he’s on the roof!”
 
They took off up the stairs and when they finally got to the roof, Jensen
surged through it. The sight before him made him stop in his tracks. Ruby ran
into him and then seemed to be frozen in place too.
 
“Jared!” Jensen cried out again.
 
"Tell me why can't I just reach up and simply touch the sky," Jared sang at the
top of his lungs, to drown out Jensen. He took a step closer to the edge.
 
"Jared. Don't. Jared stop,” Jensen was crying harder than he ever had before in
his life. He took step forward, slowly, so as not to scare Jared.
 
'why can't you?' A voice asked Jared.
 
“Tell me why can't I spread my arms and fly and fly and fly," Jared flapped his
arms. Another step closer to the edge.
 
"Jared, you can't!" Jensen tried to grab Jared's arm, but missed.
 
'you can!' It told him.
 
The toes of Jared’s shoes were over the edge. "Tell me why can't I say this,
why can't I do that," Jared screamed at the sky, tears running down his eyes.
 
"Jared, PLEASE," Jensen begged, falling to his knees.
 
'just do it!' The voice yelled at him, it was his uncle's voice. Jared jumped
off the edge.
 
"Tell me what do they want from me, tell me how to a-” Jared hit the pavement
face first.
 
Jensen ran to the edge. “JARRED!!!”
***** Epilogue *****
Jensen never recovered. Katie visited him off and on for a while, but
eventually it became too much. Jensen didn’t do anything anymore except draw
pictures. It was always the same image. Jared, headless, with blood all around
him.
 
 [Image and video hosting by TinyPic]
 
Without Jared, Jensen couldn’t move forward, couldn’t smile, play checkers,
eat, he was broken and no matter what meds they shoved down his throat or what
they tried to do to help him, it didn’t matter. Jensen had died the second
Jared ran away from him.
 
***
 
Ruby quit her job and never looked back. Occasionally she thought about Jensen
but seeing him would unbury to many horrible memories. She changed her name to
Mary and worked as a waitress at a dinar in a town in Kansas. Eventually she
met a man named, John, they got married and had two sons, Dean and Sam.
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