Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/477949.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Major_Character_Death, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural_RPF
  Relationship:
      Jensen_Ackles/Jared_Padalecki
  Character:
      Jensen_Ackles, Jared_Padalecki
  Additional Tags:
      Younger!Jensen
  Stats:
      Published: 2011-11-19 Words: 9662
****** Someone to Hold ******
by spiders_stars
Summary
     When Alan passed away, Jared was the one left to look after Jensen.
     Which wasn’t as easy as he planned.
It was raining when the news came out. Wasn’t it always raining when the worst
kind of news was delivered? Jared was sitting at his desk and poring over a
large file, trying to rein in the last of his focus to finish his work for the
evening. So far it wasn’t working out too well for him but whatever, Jared had
been working fairly hard the past few months, he deserved a night of slacking
off.
The doorbell rang and interrupted him from the words he wasn’t really reading.
He welcomed the distraction, pushing out of his chair and stretching as he
padded down the long front hallway and flipped on the porch light. He could
hear the rain pelting down just through the door and his brows rose,
considering who might risk coming out in such a storm. Also, a glance at the
clock on the wall told him it was well after eleven, which likely meant
something important was happening.
Just how important Jared learned as he turned the lock and pulled the door
open. His eyes first settled on Jensen Ackles, thirteen year old son to his
long-time work colleague and friend, Alan. Jensen was an only child but he’d
always been a sweet boy. Jared had known him since he was just five years old,
wide bright green eyes that always held a lingering light of sadness. Alan said
Jensen had never really understood why his Mom went to the hospital and never
came back one day and Jared had always had a soft spot for the kid.
“Mr. Padalecki?” It was the man next to Jensen that spoke first. Jared lifted
his gaze and instantly frowned at the cop standing there. It wasn’t at all like
Jensen to do something reckless enough to get him in this kind of trouble,
especially not when Alan was out of town on business and over the last few
months Jensen had worked so hard to convince his dad he could handle being left
home alone without a sitter.
“Yeah, that’s me, come on in.” Jared nodded and stepped back, giving them both
room to come in out of the rain. He noted the backpack on Jensen’s shoulder and
his frown deepened, hand coming to rest on the boy’s free shoulder the moment
he’d shut the door. “What’s going on? Jen, you okay?”
“There’s been an accident,” the cop explained quietly and, when Jared looked
quickly up toward him, there was nothing but sadness on his face. “Alan Ackles
was in a wreck this afternoon.”
“A wreck?” Jared breathed out in shock, trying to put the pieces together. He
knew Alan was in Los Angeles for the company but it was only meant to be a
three day trip. There was something he was missing and he was almost scared to
push for more information. “But is he-”
“He died,” Jensen gasped, his gaze snapping up to Jared and widening. All at
once Jensen lurched forward and threw his arms around Jared’s middle, clinging
tightly to him. “Oh my God, Jared.”
Instinctively Jared’s arms wrapped around the boy. He felt the twinge of guilt
he’d been on the receiving end of more and more lately as Jensen had aged but
now was really not the time for that. His mind was stuck on the boy’s gasped
words and his shaky sobs and he slowly looked up at the cop. “You... you’re
absolutely sure? That it was Alan? He’s away on business.”
“Yes sir, we’re sure.” The cop nodded and the way his eyes drifted down to
Jensen he had a feeling the cop had double, maybe triple checked. No one wanted
to tell a child that their father had died.
Jared swallowed thickly and forced a nod, gently easing Jensen down the hall.
“Please, just, come with me.” He glanced at the cop long enough to ensure he
was following then focused his attention on the boy still clinging to him.
“Jen? Hey, look at me, can you do that?”
The boy sniffed loudly and clung to him for a moment longer before slowly
pulling back. He seemed impossibly young at that moment, which was rare since
Jared was always marveling at how grown up and mature Jensen was. But now his
eyes were red and puffy and his lower lip was trembling. “What am I gonna do
now? Where will I go?”
Jared’s heart clenched painfully and his eyes fluttered closed for just a
moment before he was kneeling and meeting Jensen’s scared, sad gaze. “Don’t
worry about that right now, Jen, okay? What I need you to do now is try and be
strong. I know it hurts, baby, worse than anything you’ve ever felt, but you
know your Dad would want you to be strong for him. Show him just how grown up
you are.”
The quiver in Jensen’s lower lip picked up for a moment but he slowly nodded
and wiped under his eyes, stepping just a little closer to Jared. “Okay.”
“Good boy. Now, why don’t you head into the guest room next to mine and put on
some dry pajamas and I’ll make you some hot chocolate and speak with the cop.
Think you can handle that?” Jared tried for a soft smile; it felt too forced,
and swept his fingers over Jensen’s flushed from tears cheeks.
“Yeah.” Jensen nodded once more and stepped forward the rest of the way, giving
Jared another lingering hug before he pulled away and moved to head down the
hall.
Jared blew out a shaky breath, watching Jensen go as he slowly pushed up to his
feet. The sadness was rippling off the boy in waves and Jared focused on that,
worried what might happen if he let himself truly process the idea of losing
such a good friend as Alan, a man that had been a guiding light in his life for
the last eight years.
“Poor kid,” the cop said quietly, reminding Jared he was still there.
“He lost his mom when he was just four,” Jared nearly whispered, turning to
look at the cop before gesturing toward the kitchen. “When did- when did this
all happen?”
“The accident was roughly three PM local time. He... they thought he might make
it in the beginning but he’d just lost too much blood. The brain damage was too
extensive.” The cop scrubbed a hand up through his rain damp hair and sighed
heavily. “Do you know why we brought Jensen here, Mr. Padalecki?”
Jared’s lips pursed as he grabbed a pot and the milk from the fridge. He did
know and it was enough to make his stomach churn with nerves. Three or so years
ago Alan had approached Jared and explained that he had no family and the
family on his wife’s side hadn’t spoken to him since the woman passed. As a
result there was no one for Jensen to go to if something should happen to Alan.
When the man asked Jared had been flattered and didn’t hesitate to say yes.
He’d spent a fair bit of time at the Ackles house and Jensen was a fun kid,
smiling more often than not, a great help for his single father, so Jared
figured he could handle guardianship. It wasn’t like anything was every
supposed to happen to Alan. But it had and now Jared was going to be
responsible for that poor, adorable, orphan boy changing in his guest room.
“Yes, I know why.” Jared nodded and met the cop’s gaze. “I’m not entirely sure
what happens now. I, um, they won’t try and fight me on this, right? Jensen
deserves to be with someone he knows, someone who cares for him.”
“As far as I know, the law will follow the will of the deceased.” The cop half
shrugged. It wasn’t much help but Jared knew he would fight for Jensen if need
be. Whatever mental issues he might occasionally have, that he couldn’t really
go into, he wouldn’t let the boy be shipped through the system. Not when he
could provide a home and a loving environment for him to grow up in. “I’m sure
more details will be given to you over the next few days as you take over as
executor of Alan’s estate.”
It seemed like so much to deal with, too much at that moment, so Jared simply
nodded and focused on pouring the sweet cocoa powder into the heated milk. The
business stuff he’d deal with later, right at that moment he had to shift his
focus to Jensen who needed him. “I um, sorry, was there anything more you
needed from me? I should really...” He gestured toward the hallway where he
knew Jensen would be appearing before too long.
“No, that’s it.” The cop took a step back, glancing toward the doorway then
nodding. “I’ll just show myself out. I’m very sorry for your loss, Mr.
Padalecki.”
Jared nodded and watched the cop disappear down the hallway before dropping his
gaze to the pot, stirring the chocolate in slowly. Despite being thirty-one
years old, Jared hadn’t given much thought to having children. Maybe because he
was gay, maybe it was being single, maybe he just didn’t have that urge to
start a family. The idea of raising a thirteen year old was a little
terrifying.
And least of all because Jensen was gorgeous in the way a thirteen year old boy
shouldn’t be. Jared wasn’t a perverted old man, he’d never even thought of
touching such a young boy before, but something about this particular one
called out to him. Jared was completely headed to hell for having thoughts like
these, especially at this moment.
“Jared?” Jensen whispered from the doorway and Jared turned to him, his heart
catching as he watched the boy twist the hem of his shirt between his fingers.
“What- what should I...”
The boy’s words caught on a hiccup and Jared swiftly moved around the counter,
stooping down and scooping the boy up in his arms. Almost instantly sobs
wracked Jensen’s thin frame, his legs and arms wrapping tight around Jared and
clinging like a vice. Jared’s hand slid soothingly up through the boy’s hair
and he carried him slowly back to the ready hot chocolate.
He had a feeling it would be a while before Jensen let him go and well, Jared
was okay with that. He could help the boy.
~~
“That poor boy.”
“He didn’t even cry. Not once through the entire sermon.”
“Probably cried out.”
“And he hasn’t left Jared’s side.”
“I can’t even imagine... being so young. To lose both your parents...”
“They’re all talking about me,” Jensen’s soft voice just below Jared’s shoulder
surprised him. He’d thought the boy had fallen asleep leaning against him, he’d
been still for so long.
But then, Jared had stopped trying to guess what type of mood Jensen should or
shouldn’t be in. He couldn’t put his mindset in Jensen’s place, couldn’t
imagine what the boy must be feeling. “They’re just worried about you, Jen,
everyone is.”
The boy pulled back enough to look up at Jared, his eyes shining with now
familiar unshed tears. Jensen had cried so much over the last week Jared had
wondered if his head was starting to hurt, but then, he was also a little
worried about just how little Jensen was eating, the fact that the kid wouldn’t
leave his side, and only slept tucked up against him. Mostly it was okay, Jared
could deal, but sometimes late at night when Jensen was curled against him, it
wasn’t always that easy.
“They don’t even know me.” Jensen blinked a couple of times and pulled at the
edge of the tie he wore. “When will they go?”
Jared didn’t blame Jensen for wanting the mass of people gone. The funeral had
been hard enough and all the sympathetic looks constantly directed toward them
were clearly starting to bother the boy. There wasn’t a lot he could do to make
Jensen better right now but keeping him from the supposed well wishers? That
was one.
“I’m sorry, everyone,” Jared spoke loudly as he stood, causing several people
to jump and look toward him. “Jensen is really not feeling well right now and I
think it would be better if everyone cleared out now.”
It was likely pretty politically incorrect; a few of the women even look
scandalized to basically be kicked out of his home, but it wasn’t as if any of
these people really knew Jensen. They were co-workers and friends of Alan, a
few parents from the school Jensen attended, people who likely meant well but
were only causing the boy more harm.
When the last person was gone Jared closed the front door and turned the lock.
He turned and wasn’t all that surprised to find Jensen standing right there,
barely a couple of feet away. Jensen would follow him into the bathroom if he
could, Jared thought. “There, no one is talking about you.”
Just the hint of a smile danced across Jensen’s lips and he stepped forward,
wrapping his arms around Jared’s middle and laying his head on Jared’s chest.
“Thank you, Jared.”
As Jared’s arms slowly encircled the boy he closed his eyes and blew out a
steadying breath.
~~
It was Monday morning and Jared knew he couldn’t allow Jensen to stay home any
longer. He understood the boy’s hesitation; everyone at school would likely
know of his father’s passing and that alone was going to be hard. Trying to sit
in classes and pretend like you weren’t aching for the family you no longer
had, well, Jared couldn’t even imagine.
But he’d used the last of the leave his work had allowed and he couldn’t stand
the idea of Jensen sitting alone at the house all day. Three weeks from school,
three weeks to get situated in a new room and a new house, it probably wasn’t
enough time but it was all Jared could offer.
“Jen?” Jared walked slowly across his room and dropped back onto the edge of
his bed. He still hadn’t managed to get Jensen out of his bed but maybe he
wasn’t fighting it as hard as he should. After all, who could really say no to
tear-filled bright green eyes like Jensen's? Hell, who could say no to Jensen,
period? “Jensen, come on, buddy, you gotta wake up.”
Jensen mumbled incoherently and rolled toward Jared, curling against his body
and looping their arms together. His golden blonde hair was splayed in all
directions across the pillow and there was a flush just beneath the light
freckles on his cheeks. He was so absolutely breathtaking like this that
Jared’s jaw nearly dropped.
His fingers slid down the boy’s smooth skin in a gentle caress, a small smile
playing across his lips. At least in his sleep Jensen found some peace.
“Jensen, you need to get up. You have to go to school today.”
The boy shifted toward him once more with a groan. But this time his hip rubbed
up against Jared’s knee and Jared could feel the heat of his morning arousal
pressing through the thin sheet separating them. Almost instantly his own cock
responded to the sensation, his eyes growing wide with the fluttering of sheer
want pulsing through every inch of his body.
And just, oh fuck.
In a flash Jared clambered up off the bed, blowing out a heavy breath and
nearly stalking out of the room. It was bad enough he even momentarily had
these thoughts about the boy. It was bad enough he sometimes slipped out of bed
long after Jensen passed out and jacked off silently in the bathroom just to
ease some of the tension. But to feel Jensen’s obvious arousal like that? It
was way, way too much.
The guest room next to Jared’s had become Jensen’s room but it was still filled
with the boy’s boxes and mostly remained untouched. If Jared were just a little
more equipped to handle this parenting thing he probably would have laid down
some rules about Jensen cleaning up after himself, especially as he surveyed
the mess of clothes scattered across the floor, but he just didn’t have it in
him. And well, his own room was just as messy so he maybe didn’t have the
justification to protest.
Sorting through the nearest open box Jared lifted a shirt, sniffing it to
ensure it was clean, a pair of jeans, clean underwear, socks, and shoes. He
could handle rolling Jensen out of bed and encouraging him along, he used to do
it for his roommate back in his college days all the time. And Jensen wasn’t
even dealing with a hangover so, technically, it should be easier.
Jared set his mind to the task of waking Jensen and headed back to his room
with the clothes in hand. Only when he stepped through his doorway Jensen was
already awake. The boy was writhing just barely beneath the sheets and Jared’s
gaze instantly snapped down to zero in on the lifting of the cotton fabric
above Jensen’s hips.
Jensen was jacking himself off, right there in Jared’s bed. There were soft
moans falling from his lips every time the sheet rose with his hand and that
flush on his cheeks had darkened and blossomed out to every inch of skin Jared
could see. All the air was seizing up in Jared, causing him to suck in a nearly
painful breath, and he stumbled back, knowing he should leave the room before
Jensen could notice him there.
In the next moment the boy’s eyes opened though and instantly landed on him.
For just a heartbeat his hand stilled before resuming, picking up speed along
with the rise of Jensen’s moans echoing around them. Jared was so painfully
hard in his dress slacks it had to be obvious. But Jensen’s eyes simply
remained on his face, his teeth digging down into his lower lip.
Jared knew he should turn. He knew he should at least look away. But it seemed
as if he was locked in place, completely frozen as he watched the boy bring
himself to completion. Jensen’s body arched beautifully as he came, the sheet
pulling down just a little lower, and Jared had a hunch if he rubbed across his
cock now he’d probably come right there on the spot.
They continued to stare at each other for several long minutes, long enough for
Jared to feel like he wasn’t going to explode at the seams the moment he moved.
So he finally cleared his throat and Jensen sat up, wetting his lips slowly.
“Today you have to go back to school. I um, I brought you some clothes. So why
don’t you go take a shower and get dressed and I’ll make some breakfast.” Yeah,
ignoring what just happened was a much safer route to take than addressing it,
Jared was pretty sure about that.
He expected some protests, expected Jensen to fight him on the issue, but the
boy simply slid off the bed and fidgeted with his now dirty sleep clothes.
Jared purposefully kept his gaze off the come stains on Jensen’s shirt and held
out the clean outfit.
“Thank you,” Jensen said softly as he took the clothes from Jared and looked up
at him. “I... will you pick me up today? After school?”
It would mean leaving work early but Jared could work at home. He was fairly
sure Jensen wasn’t in the place yet where he could handle any extended periods
by himself. And there was definitely the possibility that Jared didn’t want to
leave him alone. So he reached out and brushed his fingers through Jensen’s
soft hair. “Yeah, of course.”
“Good.” Jensen gave him that hint of a smile, the brightest Jared had seen in
the last three weeks, and moved past him to head down the hall to his bathroom.
The moment the bathroom door closed Jared turned and stalked to his own,
rapidly undoing the fastening on his jeans. Fuck.
~~
Every inch of Jared’s body was aching. He’d told himself that two months of not
going to the gym was unjustifiable, so going during his lunch was completely
worth it, but he’d definitely pushed himself too far and now all of his muscles
were threatening to seize up. So even though it was barely ten PM, Jared’s
teeth were already brushed and he was ready to collapse between his sheets and
pass out.
The moment he stepped into his bedroom his eyes fixed on Jensen, already laying
back on the pillow he usually used, and a soft sight left Jared’s lips. Over
two months and the boy still had yet to leave his bed. Mostly, Jared didn’t
mind having Jensen as his own personal shadow. The boy followed him around
constantly, whether it was at the house or the grocery store or wherever they
happened to be.
And Jared understood, of course he did, Jensen needed a solid adult figure in
his life that he was maybe a little terrified was going to disappear at any
point in time. But at some point he had to draw some limits because if he never
did, well, the boy might never get better. Jensen needed to do some healing on
his own if he was ever going to recover from losing his father.
“Jen...” Jared sighed and slid fingers up through his hair, walking slowly
round the bed to his side. “I think tonight might be a good night for you to
start sleeping in your own bed, what do you say?”
The boy’s eyes widened as they fixed on him, the bright green shining glassily
with the rise of tears. Then his head ducked down and he slowly lifted the
blanket off his legs, sliding off the edge of the bed without a word. As the
boy stepped away from the bed and toward the bedroom door his shoulders drooped
heavily and Jared was fairly sure he could hear the faintest sniffle.
Jared’s heart pinched tightly and he sucked in a quick breath, crossing to cut
Jensen off at the pass and kneel before him. Sure enough as his fingers curled
under the boy’s chin and tilted upward he could see the tears streaming down
Jensen’s cheeks. “Hey,” Jared whispered and brushed away the tears, giving the
boy a small smile. “You know this doesn’t mean I don’t care for you, right?
Because I do, very much. But you need to heal in a lot of ways Jensen and one
of those is being strong enough to sleep in your own bed. Do you understand?”
Once more the boy’s lip trembled but he dipped his head in a nod. “Yeah, I
understand.”
Before Jensen could pull away Jared tugged him forward, wrapping arms around
him in a tight hug. He hoped Jensen really did understand, that he didn’t think
he was being punished for those few times he’d so blatantly jacked off in front
of him. Each time it happened it was unplanned, the hottest thing Jared had
seen, and enough to make him wallow in guilt for days afterwards. But he’d
never stopped the boy, he’d never turned away, so he couldn’t really punish him
for it.
Jensen’s arms wrapped tight around Jared, his small head coming to rest against
Jared’s shoulder and staying there for a long time. Long enough Jared was a
little worried the boy wouldn’t actually let go when the time came. But as his
arms slowly loosened and pulled free Jensen stepped back, giving him the
smallest smile before turning.
“Goodnight, Jared,” he said softly over his shoulder before heading down the
hall.
Jared was still kneeling on the floor as he listened to Jensen’s bedroom door
click shut. For some reason the tight pressure in his chest was nearly killing
him and the moment he stood he found himself trailing Jensen. He came seconds
from knocking on the boy’s door before remembering just why he’d sent Jensen to
his own room in the first place.
“Get a grip on yourself, Jared,” he muttered under his breath then turned to
head back into his room.
The mattress felt amazing, the sheets cool, and Jared sank back on his pillow
gratefully. But despite the exhaustion he felt weighing on his shoulders, sleep
seem to be eluding him. Jared shifted from his side, to his back, to his other
side, to his stomach. He tried clearing his mind of all thoughts like his mom
used to advise for falling asleep. Then tried imagining his limbs slowly
relaxing as if he were being massaged like his sister always said worked.
Hell, he tried fucking counting sheep but all that did was annoy him as he
realized how ridiculous it was to imagine fluffy cartoon sheep hopping over
small fences.
It was going on midnight when he began staring at the clock, watching the red
digital display flashing before him. This was like some cruel fucking irony.
The one night his body was practically pleading with him to get some rest and
he couldn’t seem to shut his brain up enough to let him have that. Or maybe it
had something to do with how cold the empty side of his bed was.
“Jared?” Jensen’s whisper from the door way was so quiet he probably wouldn’t
have heard it if he wasn’t desperate for any distraction from the silence.
Rolling, Jared pushed up and looked over to the boy barely outlined by the soft
glow of light from the bathroom down the hall. Jensen was just in boxers and a
tank top, fingers twisting the hem of the white cotton slowly. He looked so
small and strangely fragile that Jared’s heart flipped. “You okay, Jen?”
“I know you said... I just. I can’t fall asleep.” Jensen sighed and took half a
step back.
A small smile pulled at the corner of Jared’s lips and he reached out, tugging
the corner of his blanket and pulling it back. By the time he looked back at
Jensen the boy was already moving forward, nearly leaping into the bed and
yanking the cover back over his body. He squirmed and shifted on the bed then
finally rolled to face Jared, smiling just a little brighter.
“How come you’re up?” It was impossible to ignore the way Jensen inched closer
to him, his legs pressing forward until they touched Jared’s.
What was the point really in trying to pretend like this wasn’t exactly what he
wanted? “Couldn’t fall asleep either,” Jared murmured and looped his arm around
Jensen’s waist, tugging him close and relaxing into the heat of the boy.
They were both asleep within minutes.
~~
“Why don’t you bring Jensen up here for the weekend?” Jared’s mother had taken
to Jensen in a way that everyone did if they spent any time with the boy. It
was impossible not to, really, with that sweet innocent smile and those
sparkling pretty green eyes.
So now that Jensen had been part of Jared’s family for nearly four months, it
was like his mom had adopted the boy as her own grandson. Jared thought, come
Christmas time, the boy would probably be pretty happy about that. “I’ll see
how he feels, Mom. He’s been having some trouble with classes lately, keeping
up and everything, so I told him we’d spend some time really working on it.”
Jared smiled as he pulled into the driveway and listened to his mom’s sigh.
“Well alright but soon, okay? I’m sure you’re not feeding that boy near enough.
I could make him some brownies.”
Chuckling, Jared slid the car into park and gathered up his things. He’d only
recently felt comfortable letting Jensen spend afternoons alone at the house.
Not because he thought the boy would get into any mischief, Jared was fairly
sure Jensen was the most well behaved thirteen year old in existence, but he
worried about the sadness constantly lingering on Jensen’s features.
He had no idea what he was going to do when school let out for summer in a few
weeks.
“Okay mom, I will bring him soon I promise. I just pulled in so I’m gonna go.
I’ll talk to you soon, yeah? Love you.” Jared listened to her return the
sentiment before thumbing his phone off and tucking it into his pocket.
He maybe walked a little too quickly toward the house, which was in no way
related to just how much he wanted to see Jensen. Jared always found himself
missing the boy while at work, thinking about something that might make the boy
laugh, something that could bring a smile to his lips - one of those smiles
that he saw more and more recently as the boy continued to heal.
“Jensen? I’m ho-” The words cut off on Jared’s tongue as his gaze slowly slid
around the front room. The floor was spotless, the carpet that started in the
living room had clearly just been vacuumed, the scent of wood polish was strong
in the air.
As he slowly sat his papers and keys on the hall table his eyes only got wider.
Just above the scent of pine cleaner he could smell something cooking,
something that smelled good, and Jared followed the trail to the kitchen. There
Jensen stood, stirring a pot, counter scattered with a variety of spices and
things Jared didn’t even know he owned.
“You’re making dinner,” Jared stated quite obviously and blinked a few times.
“You know how to cook?”
Jensen gave him an innocent smile, likely because they’d been living on a
pretty steady diet of take-out lately and Jared had no idea Jensen could make
anything. “Surprise?”
It was enough to make Jared laugh softly, sliding fingers up through his hair
and walking over to Jensen’s side. “Surprise indeed. You’re holding out on me.
So what exactly are you making?”
“It’s chicken dumpling soup. I um, it was always my dad’s favorite.” The smile
twitched on and off Jensen’s lips before he sighed, ducking his head down and
fixing his eyes on the pot he was slowly stirring.
Jared smiled sadly and stepped up behind Jensen, laying his hand on the boy’s
shoulder and squeezing softly. “It sounds really good. Thank you for making it.
And well, thank you for cleaning. This place looks amazing.”
“You’re welcome.” Jensen twisted back to smile up at him, his eyes nearly
shining, enough to make Jared’s heart surprisingly quicken. “I thought... I
just wanted to show you how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I
mean, letting me be here and giving me so much. I don’t think... I just
couldn’t have made it through all of this without you.”
Jensen had to be the only thirteen year old Jared had ever heard of that went
out of his way to do simple things like this to show his thanks. Cleaning and
cooking, like he was somehow proving his worth. That thought alone was likely
why Jared bent down enough to wrap his arms around Jensen, lifting him up into
a tight hug. “I never would have let you go through this alone,” Jared murmured
softly, his hand carding back through Jensen’s hair in a gentle caress.
The boy’s thin small body leaned against him, arms tightening around his neck
like he simply had to cling to Jared to soak in all his strength. “I know.
Because you’re amazing.”
Jared closed his eyes and smiled against Jensen’s shoulder. He was fairly sure
he wasn’t really the amazing one here.
~~
Despite the explosions constantly playing across the screen before him, Jensen
was nearly asleep against his shoulder. Jared smiled and wrapped his arm around
the boy, squeezing just a little tighter.
Jared was quite content to simply let the boy sleep there against his side for
the rest of the movie. Then he'd carry Jensen to his own bed and likely wake up
with him glued to his side in the morning. Life as usual. Sometimes Jared had
to stop and marvel at the fact that Jensen had been basically his adopted son
for over half a year now.
Even if The Matrix was one of Jared’s favorite movies he found his eyes
closing, drifting off to sleep as he settled against the warmth of the boy at
his side. Until of course the doorbell rang.
“What?” Jensen sat up, blinking and rubbing at his eyes. “What’s happening?”
Jared snorted a laugh and ruffled his fingers through Jensen’s hair as he
stood. “Just the door, I’ll be back in a minute.”
He grinned as he listened to Jensen’s muttering while he headed down the hall,
flicking on the light. Finding Zach on the other side of the door was
surprising enough he was frozen for just a moment, his smile fading.
“Zach, hey.” The man wasn’t anyone all that important, just a guy that Jared
had slept with on more than a few occasions. They certainly weren’t dating and
they hadn’t spoken in the last six months so his random appearance was enough
to throw him for a loop. “Um, what’s up?”
Zach grinned and lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “I was out of town for a
while then I thought of you when I got back. It’s been so long, thought maybe
we could hang out for a bit.”
It was code word for a night of random sex and damn, part of Jared would just
love to have something that simple. Countless months of this boy he was trying
desperately not to be attracted to, the one who still shared his bed more often
than not, the one who sometimes looked at Jared in a way no fourteen year old
really should. More than anything Jared needed some type of release.
“Oh, um, well...” Jared leaned against the door frame, glancing over his
shoulder before stepping a little closer to Zach and pulling the door with him.
“Now’s not really a good time.”
“Shit, you have someone now? Sorry, I didn’t realize.” Zach glanced around
Jared curiously, likely because when they were last hooking up Jared had made
it clear how much he wasn’t looking for a relationship. That had been part of
the appeal.
“Well it’s not-”
“Jared?” Jensen’s quiet curious voice was just behind him and Jared stepped
back, turning to look at him. Those bright green curious eyes moved to Zach and
narrowed slightly and there was no way Jared was ignoring the way he slid a
little closer, possessive.
When Jared glanced back at Zach there was something like understanding flashing
across his features. “Oh. Um, hey there kid. My name’s Zach, who are you?”
Something about Zach’s tone was just a little patronizing, like Jensen was a
two year old, not fourteen. Jared flinched and looked slowly back over at the
boy. Jensen hardly looked impressed and he slid his arms over his chest before
answering in the flattest tone Jared had ever heard from him. “Jensen.”
With that he turned and walked away, disappearing down the hall. Jared had a
feeling the boy was really not happy and he turned back to Zach, faint smile on
his face. “My situation has changed some since we last saw each other. Maybe
um, we could meet up for coffee or something sometime?”
“Yeah, sure.” Zach nodded and stepped back and Jared had a hunch that he
wouldn’t be hearing from the man again.
That was okay. Especially if he had done anything to damage the relationship
he’d built up between Jensen and himself. Jared slowly closed the door and
turned the lock, leaning his head against the hard wood and blowing out a shaky
breath. He had no idea what Jensen thought of the situation, what assumptions
he’d made, but he had a feeling it wasn’t going to go over all that well.
When Jared finally turned and headed back to the living room it was empty, the
TV and movie were off and Jensen was nowhere to be seen. The sigh on Jared’s
lips grew heavier and he slowly pushed himself down the hallway. Jensen’s
bedroom was empty as well, which was maybe surprising, Jared had thought the
boy would be hiding out.
But he wasn’t. Instead Jensen was in Jared’s room, sitting on the foot of his
bed and staring down at his hands. Jared hesitated just inside the room, head
tilting to the side curiously. “Jen? You okay?”
“Was that your boyfriend?” Jensen asked softly and kept his gaze down, his
shoulders slumped in that way they usually were when he was upset.
Not so long ago Jared’s brother had taken him aside and asked Jared just how he
planned to address the issue of his sexuality. Jared hadn’t told Jeff how he
was fairly sure Jensen had no problems with gay people, the whole jacking off
thing well, it just wasn’t something his brother needed to know about. But that
still hadn’t answered how he was going to explain any feature relationships to
a boy that for all intents and purpose was his son.
“No, he’s not. He’s just a guy I used to...” Jared ran fingers up through his
hair and shrugged, feeling a bit like he was the fourteen year old and Jensen
was his disapproving father or something. Which was ridiculous.
“You used to fuck,” Jensen said so simply it surprised Jared. For some reason
he’d thought the boy was too young to know those kinds of words. Apparently
Jared was only fooling himself there.
Blowing out another shaky breath Jared slowly crossed to his bed, dropping down
beside Jensen. “Yes. I haven’t seen him since before you came here. I don’t
think we’ll be meeting up again okay? So um, you don’t have to worry about
that.”
“But you would like to see him?” Jensen finally looked up and met Jared’s eyes.
His gaze was still guarded and Jared wasn’t entirely sure what to make of that.
“You miss having sex.”
Jared huffed, not entirely sure he really believed they were having this
conversation. “Uh, yeah. I mean, of course I do. This um... we shouldn’t be
talking about this Jensen.”
All at once the boy was in movement, twisting on the bed and pushing between
Jared’s legs. Jared was surprised enough that when Jensen’s lips slid over his
he didn’t immediately react. That secret part of him he never addressed felt
the rush of heat burn through every inch of his body at just how good Jensen’s
lips felt against his own. Only this wasn’t a feeling Jared could just push
away, unlike when the boy occasionally jacked off in front of him, Jared
couldn’t just pretend this wasn’t happening.
So his fingers curled over Jensen’s arms and he pressed him back gently,
heaving in a quick breath to try and calm the sudden race of his heart.
“Jen...”
“I can give you that,” Jensen said in a rush, his eyes wide and already
watering. “I can make you feel good. I can... you can fuck me. I would let you.
I- I want that.”
Jared’s mouth was wide open along with his eyes, likely because, well, fuck.
Jensen couldn’t possibly know how hot that was to hear. Shame burned through
him just as strongly as lust and Jared slowly wet his lips. “Jensen. I
understand, that you want to be useful, prove your worth or um, whatnot but...
god. That’s so... we can’t do that. It’s inappropriate, it’s wrong, and you
really don’t have to prove you worth like that. You know, it’s just really not
right, kid.”
It didn’t occur to Jared how bad his words sounded until Jensen’s lower lip
slid out and trembled, the tears growing at the rims of his eyes. “You don’t...
you don’t want me?”
“Oh god, no Jen, that’s not what I meant.” Fuck. Jared was an idiot. He was
sure a lot of this was his own damn fault. That very first morning, months ago,
he shouldn’t have watched Jensen and let this start in the first place. “I.
Fuck. I do. Just... I’m supposed to be taking care of you, I’m supposed to make
sure you’re safe. I can’t, god, how could I harm you like that?”
“Harm me?” Jensen’s brow furrowed and he shook his head, pushing out of Jared’s
hands and stepping forward once more until his chest pressed against Jared’s.
“You can’t harm me. I want it. I’ve wanted it, so long. Even before Dad...
just. I’ve been thinking about you whenever I jack off for as long as I can
remember, Jared. The last thing you’d be doing is harming me.”
The idea that Jensen had been thinking of him that way for so long was a little
too much for Jared to process. Even knowing that, it wasn’t as if he could just
hop on board with the idea of taking advantage of this sweet little fourteen
year old. No matter how badly he might want him. “Jensen, no.” Jared pushed the
boy back once more and shook his head, dropping his hands because the longer he
touched Jensen, the harder it seemed to be to resist. “This can’t happen.”
To drive his point home he stood and paced away from the bed, heading for the
door. They just needed some space, Jensen might be upset right then but it
really was ultimately for the best. And Jared completely believed that until
Jensen’s half-sobbed words hit him like a punch in his gut. “Please don’t leave
me!”
Jared froze and slowly turned back to the boy, his breath hitching at the tears
streaming down Jensen’s cheeks. “Why would you think that? Jen, I’m not going
anywhere.”
“You are. You’re mad. You don’t want me and you’re going to send me away.
You’ll find someone else now. I’m sorry Jared, I just thought- I thought maybe
you wanted me too and I just wanted to make you happy. I want to be your
everything, I want you to love me and want me and never leave me because I
don’t think I can live without you any-”
Jared didn’t let Jensen say anything more. Mainly because the pressure
clenching around his chest was nearly painful and he couldn’t really take
another word. Instead he was doing something he really shouldn’t be. In two
quick steps he’d crossed to Jensen and slid an arm around his waist, nearly
lifting him off the floor and crushing their lips together.
It was what he really wanted, if he were completely honest with himself, and it
stopped the almost painful words from tumbling out of Jensen’s mouth. Almost
instantly Jensen’s arms were hooking around his neck, latching tight, fingers
digging in Jared’s hair as his legs wrapped around his middle. Jensen’s lips
were full and soft, gliding swift along Jared’s as the man kissed him just the
right side of too rough.
Jared stumbled as his arms slid down to tuck under Jensen’s ass, holding him up
and walking blindly toward his bed. He could already feel the heat of Jensen’s
hardening cock against his belly, the boy’s hips grinding against him. When
Jared’s tongue finally slid forward and mapped along the inside of Jensen’s
mouth the boy moaned loudly and writhed harder against him.
Already it was far more maddening than Jared ever could have anticipated. The
boy was like fire against him, clinging and squirming and sucking on Jared’s
tongue like he couldn’t imagine anything better. The moment his calves hit the
foot of the bed he feel back, breaking the kiss in time to ensure they didn’t
unintentionally hurt each other. Jensen wasted no time in moving his lips along
Jared’s skin, kissing and sucking over Jared’s jaw like he couldn’t get enough
of the man’s skin.
Jared moaned and tipped his head back, squirming further up the length of the
bed until he could lay spread out with Jensen over him. “Jesus, fuck, Jen,”
Jared groaned and thread his fingers along the back of the boy’s neck, combing
through his soft short strands of golden hair. “Already... fuckin’ driving me
crazy.”
A gasp fell from Jensen and he pushed up and down, his hips lining up over
Jared’s and rolling with purpose. “You feel so hard. That’s... because of me? I
made you this hard?”
The way Jensen bit down on his bottom lip made him look so unsure and Jared
gaped for just a moment. The contrast of heat from Jensen’s body shamelessly
grinding down against his and the innocence of his curious look was like being
tossed in a fire and Jared’s body shuddered. “Yes, god, yeah, Jen. Because of
you. This is what you do to me.”
To drive his point home he thrust his hips up, the friction of his cock
grinding against Jensen’s through too many layers of fabric enough to bring
another moan to his lips. The boy was practically trembling against Jared and
he fell down in the next beat, sliding their lips together desperately once
more.
Jensen’s tongue tangled with his, their bodies sliding and rocking together as
the boy constantly squirmed against him. The teasing friction wasn’t nearly
enough though and it wasn’t long before Jared was caving to some of his more
primal urges and rolling them, falling instantly between Jensen’s spread legs.
When he pulled back from the deep kiss this time it hit him just how much
bigger he was than Jensen. Which of course made all the reasons why this should
stop, right the fuck now, slam back to the forefront of his mind. But Jensen
must have seen the look on his face because in the next moment fingers were
softly caressing Jared’s cheek and pulling his attention back.
“A couple of years ago, you came over for an afternoon. We went swimming and my
friend Jeremiah was there. I don’t know if you remember but we played chicken,
I sat on your shoulders and Jeremiah sat on Dad’s. I... ever since that day, I
couldn’t stop thinking about you, how good your hands felt on my skin, how much
I wanted you to touch every inch of me. I know I’m young, I know I’m probably
not good enough, but I... I would try. I would really do my best.”
“It’s really been that long?” Jared asked in quiet disbelief, propping himself
up on one hand so the other could smooth along the silky lines of Jensen’s arm.
He wanted to see the boy naked, wanted to touch every inch of him as Jensen had
spoke of, and he was pretty sure he was only moments aware from giving in to
that desire.
“Yes.” Jensen nodded and smiled shyly up at him. “Will you? Will you touch me
and make me yours Jared? Please? I want it so much.”
Already the boy was begging and yeah, that was Jared’s downfall. He had always
been a sucker for the kid so giving in now wasn’t even surprising. Instead his
hand was slipping under Jensen’s shirt, pushing up and pulling the material
over his head as Jensen lifted off the bed to help. Jared tugged his own shirt
off before dipping down to capture Jensen’s lips in a hard kiss once more.
Their hips continued their slow roll, grinding together as Jared’s tongue swept
forward once more and the last of his resistance fell away. He set about out
tasting every inch of Jensen’s mouth as his hand worked further down below them
and tugged the button free on the boy’s jeans, yanking at his zipper a moment
later. Jared pulled at denim and cotton and Jensen lifted his hips until the
material finally, mercifully, slid down low enough Jared could feel the heat
radiating from his arousal.
Jared broke the kiss again, this time to push back far enough to get a good
full view of the boy and pull his clothing the rest of the way off. Jensen’s
body was lithe, miles of creamy skin untouched and slowly staining with the
flush of heat. A smile played across Jared’s lips as he danced his fingers up
along Jensen’s legs and the boy instant writhed up, seeking out more of the
too-brief touches.
“Jared,” Jensen gasped the moment Jared’s fingers ghosted across his cock,
barely stroking up along the hard swell. “More. Please, please more.”
More begging and Jared was certifiably doomed. He wasn’t going to be able to
handle Jensen, that much was already obvious. Not that he could really
complain.
“Gonna give you everything you want,” Jared murmured and slid off the edge of
the bed, working at the button and fly of his own jeans and swiftly kicking
free from them. He stopped long enough to grab a bottle of lube before climbing
back on the bed, slipping between Jensen’s already spread legs.
He took his time mapping out kisses along Jensen’s skin as he crawled down the
boy’s body, tasting every inch of creamy skin he could reach. The boy was so
incredibly responsive it nearly shocked Jared, arching up to meet wherever
Jared’s lips happened to touch. His moans were growing louder, deeper, as
Jared’s teeth grazed across sharp hipbones, lapping to ease the slight sting
from the bite moments later.
“Oh my god, Jared,” Jensen gasped, his hand dropping so his fingers curled and
weaved through Jared’s hair. “I need... please, oh god.”
“Shh, you’re fine,” Jared chuckled softly and turned so his nose brushed just
softly against Jensen’s cock, the hard flesh twitching in response. He knew he
was driving the boy crazy but since the feeling was mutual, he didn’t feel too
bad about it. Plus he was fairly certain Jensen wasn’t going to be complaining
any time soon.
His fingers twisted along the bottle of lube and he flicked the cap as his
tongue slid out, trailing along the full length from base to tip. Jensen’s
answering moan was low and guttural, causing his breath to vibrate, and Jared
repeated the lick. His fingers slick with lube, Jared shifted forward and
rubbed along the puckered pink entrance, just barely easing his finger tip into
tight muscle.
“Fuck,” Jensen called out and gripped Jared’s hair tighter. For a moment Jared
thought it was too much, that the boy wouldn’t be able to handle it, then
Jensen’s hips were rocking hard down and Jared’s finger was sliding all the way
in. “Can handle it. I... I’ve done this before. Fingered myself.”
That caught Jared’s attention and he pushed up enough to see the dark green of
Jensen’s lust filled gaze, his finger crooking inside tight muscle. “You’ve
fingered yourself?” When Jensen met his gaze and slowly nodded Jared groaned
and slowly added a second finger in beside his first. “You’re so fucking hot,
Jesus, Jen. You’ve never been fucked though, yeah?”
Something like a smirk pulled at Jensen’s lips and he shook his head, once more
rolling his hips down against Jared’s fingers, lips parting in a small gasp.
“N-no, never been fucked. Wanted you too much to even look at someone else.”
“Christ,” Jared groaned and dropped back down, resuming the slow licking drags
up Jensen’s cock as his fingers worked in and out of the boy, taking his time
to slick along every inch of the radiating heat. Jensen was writhing and
moaning once more, twisting so much Jared had to plant his free hand on the
boy’s hip to keep him from jerking up off the bed.
As he slowly slipped a third finger up into Jensen the boy’s body finally
tensed, taking a moment to adjust to the stretch, and Jared parted his lips to
suck just the head of Jensen’s cock into his mouth. It once more had Jensen
snapping up, his nails scraping along Jared’s scalp, heels digging into the
mattress on either side of Jared’s shoulders. “Now. You now. Please, please
Jared.”
“Shit. Okay, okay yeah.” Jared nodded shakily and pulled his fingers free. He
wasn’t entirely sure Jensen was ready but he couldn’t wait any longer, not if
he wanted to actually last through finally fucking into the boy. By this point
he wasn’t entirely sure he would.
Jensen began to roll on the bed but Jared pressed down on his chest, sliding up
to his knees between the boy’s spread legs. Jensen looked at him curiously,
eyes dropping to watch Jared slowly stroke lube over his achingly hard cock.
“You want me on my back like this?”
“I wanna see you.” Jared smiled down at the boy then shifted forward, lifting
the thin legs and hooking them up over his shoulder. Jensen’s body bent with
surprising ease and Jared lined himself up, tongue swiping once over his lips
as he struggled to control the sudden flare of want burning through him.
Wanting Jensen this badly was kind of the craziest thing that had ever happened
to him. He hadn’t even fucked the boy yet and he was already sure he was
completely doomed to spend forever wanting this. Which wasn’t such a bad thing,
he learned as the head of his cock slowly worked down between tight muscles.
Jensen inhaled slowly and his body relaxed, allowing Jared to sink further and
deeper into him. Jared’s arms were shaking as he held himself up and slowly
inched his hips forward, not stopping until he’d bottomed out in the boy.
Beneath him Jensen was completely still, hardly breathing, and Jared shifted
enough to gently brush fingers along his cheek.
“You with me, baby?” Jared asked in a quiet murmur, forcing his focus on all
the control he could muster to keep from roughly fucking into the boy the way
his body wanted.
It took a long moment before Jensen blinked his eyes open and nodded, meeting
Jared’s gaze with the smallest smile. “You’re so big. Feels good.”
Jared swallowed thickly and shifted down so his lips could brush over Jensen’s,
deepening the kiss almost instantly. He distracted Jensen from any further
discomfort by sweeping his tongue forward in gentle glides, working to taste
all of Jensen’s mouth once more. When the boy once more began his soft moans
and slow roll of his hips Jared groaned and pulled back, his cock sliding from
the vice grip Jensen had around him.
Jensen’s body continued to clench around him as his cock rocked back down in
and pulled free, picking up a steady speed to bring their bodies together over
and over. Jensen rocked up to meet each of his thrusts, his moans growing
louder once more, his fingers tangling again in Jared’s hair. Each time Jared
drove forward the boy’s body twisted up and those tight walls clenched around
him, fluttering in rippling ways.
The heat and tight pressure was almost too much for Jared. His heart was
racing, his blood pumping loud in his ears, and he moaned out the boy’s name.
Which seemed to trigger some part of Jensen that had been teetering too close
to the edge. Suddenly the boy was arching up into him and Jared could feel the
heat of his release spreading between their bodies.
Jared threw his head back with another loud moan, fingers gripping tight on
Jensen’s thighs as his thrusts picked up a near brutal pace. Jensen’s skin
slapped against his every time his cock drove home and that clenching vice
around him reached a whole new level of tightness, causing Jared’s hips to
stutter to a stop and start all over again.
“Jared, oh god,” Jensen gasped, his body curving almost entirely off the bed.
That was Jared’s undoing. In a handful more of shaky thrusts his orgasm was
exploding through him, his hips rolling hard forward as he worked his come
deeper within the boy, gripping tight enough to his skin he was likely to leave
bruises.
“Holy shit,” Jensen whispered in awe as Jared nearly collapsed on him, the
words panted between each of his shaky breaths.
Jared didn’t want to crush the boy so he used the last of his energy to pull
free from the boy and collapse to his side on the bed, dragging his arm over
his sweaty forehead. “Jesus,” he whispered just as out of breath as Jensen.
“That was...”
“Amazing,” Jensen murmured and rolled to him, tucking under Jared’s arm easily
as he had so many times over the last few months. “We... can we do that a lot
now? All the time? It feels so good to feel... good. That’s not bad right? I
mean, to feel good now. It’s been so long since Dad and I just want... I wanna
be better. You make me better.”
The last thing Jared really wanted to do was talk about Alan right now. It was
going to take a while before he could wrap his mind around the idea of actually
being okay with fucking his late friend’s son. So he let his head fall to the
side and blinked at Jensen, small smile on his face. “It’s okay to be better,
to feel good. Why don’t we sleep now? You wore me out kid.”
Jensen smiled, surprisingly shy considering what they’d just done, and snuggled
just a little closer. “You’re not upset with me for making you do this, right?”
Jared huffed a laugh and tightened his arm around Jensen. “No. Not upset. And
trust me Jensen, you couldn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to. Alright?”
He could feel Jensen’s smile grow against his shoulder and the boy’s leg slid
across his own to tuck in between. “Yeah, okay. I love you, Jared.”
The familiar pang in his chest that he always associated with Jensen tightened
for a moment and Jared pressed a kiss to the boy’s temple. “Yeah. I love you
too, Jen.”
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