Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/808383.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Once_Upon_a_Time_(TV)
  Relationship:
      Baelfire_|_Neal_Cassidy/Captain_Hook_|_Killian_Jones
  Character:
      Baelfire_|_Neal_Cassidy, Captain_Hook_|_Killian_Jones
  Additional Tags:
      Sexual_Content, Explicit_Sexual_Content, Underage_Sex, Male_Slash, Love,
      Older_Man/Younger_Man, Comfort/Angst, Light_Angst, Alternate_Ending,
      Established_Relationship
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-05-18 Words: 1983
****** So Long Denied ******
by Queen_of_Hearts_(ElvenSorceress)
Summary
     Hook must not understand. Maybe he doesn't feel the aching, flooding
     heat winding through every part of his body. Maybe it doesn't twist
     through his insides and his thoughts, and maybe it isn't deep inside
     him, pulsing with his blood, overtaking every thought and breath and
     wish. Maybe Hook doesn't need him. But Bae needs Hook.
Notes
     - I wasn't going to do the thing but then the show went and did stuff
     and I couldn't not ship this and I JUST COULDN'T NOT. Anyway. Have
     some porn.
     - title is from Suddenly (the song added to Les Mis for the movie)
     Nevermore alone
     Nevermore apart
     You have warmed my heart like the sun
     You have brought the gift of life
     And love so long denied me
     - special thanks to BeautyofNight for helping figure out an ending!
     And being my cheerleader while I was writing! <3<3
~~*~~*~~*~~
It hurts the first several times no matter how gentle Hook is, and he is very
gentle. He seems content to take his time and go slow and make it last for
ages. And Bae is sick of it.
Hook must not understand. Maybe he doesn't feel the aching, flooding heat
winding through every part of his body. Maybe it doesn't twist through his
insides and his thoughts, and maybe it isn't deep inside him, pulsing with his
blood, overtaking every thought and breath and wish. Maybe Hook doesn't need
him. But Bae needs Hook.
Being stretched and filled and having rough stubble scratching his lips and
face and neck and a hand gripping him and holding him tight and having teeth
graze his skin, it's not really pain. The ache of being separate is far worse.
Bae's never been afraid of pain anyway. He can withstand all the physical pain
in the world. It's nothing compared to having no one. It's nothing compared to
knowing that he wasn't worth choosing not even by the people who were supposed
to love him no matter what.
How long until Hook stops choosing him? How long until Bae is alone and
abandoned again?
He shoves Hook on the bed and tears at his clothes until he wins warm, bare
skin. He has to have the closeness. He has to feel the warmth and connection,
and not feel so alone. He has to make Hook need this, too.
Bae throws his own clothes aside, not stopping until they are both naked, and
he leans down over Hook, gripping him by the shoulders and kissing him
hungrily. Just the way Hook taught him, the way Hook loves most.
Hook chuckles and runs his hand through Bae's hair, whispering gleeful, teasing
words. "Aren't we enthusiastic?"
Bae presses Hook's lower lip between his teeth. The dark hair on Hook's chest
is coarse and long and when Bae tugs on it, Hook whimpers into his mouth.
"Shouldn't you be, too?"
Hook grips Bae's hip and pulls him forward, arching up and pressing them
together. "Believe me, m'boy. I want nothing more."
Bae tries to breathe but only ends up panting. He wants too much. He needs too
much. He digs his fingers into Hook's arms. "Fuck me."
Hook's eyebrow arches and he smirks. "And where did you learn that word?"
Bae tilts his hips and grinds against Hook's hard, insistent flesh. "I live on
a pirate ship."
Hook smiles wider and clenches his fist in Bae's thick hair. "Aye, that you
do." He captures Bae's mouth and holds him there, sliding his tongue over Bae's
lips and into his mouth until Bae moans.
Everything is need and starvation and deprivation; everything burns inside him
and this ache is far too horrible. Not having Hook, not being completely joined
and pressed together and inseparable is far too painful. Bae scrapes his teeth
over Hook's throat as he reaches between them and strokes him.
Hook lets out something between a moan and a gasp and the silver arch replacing
his hand pierces the mattress and tears the sheets. "Bae," he says in a
strangled plea that sounds raw and deep and desperate.
Giddy possessiveness floods through Bae. That's what he wants. Need me. Need me
just as much. Bae kisses him and lets it be torturously long and slow before he
repeats, "Fuck me."
Hook's hand slides from Bae's hair and he holds it out so Bae can remove his
rings. Bae tosses them into the open drawer of the table attached to Hook's
bed, and goes dizzy when Hook's fingers lightly brush over his lips. He could
tease if he weren't feeling so impatient. As it is, when he sucks two fingers
into his mouth, he's rewarded with a shiver that appears to rock Hook's whole
body.
Bae grins and licks Hook's fingers, swirling his tongue around them until
they're slick and covered in his saliva. Hook watches him with dark eyes that
no longer look blue.
What does he think when they do this? Why does he keep Bae around? Is it just
for this? Bae isn't sure that makes sense. Hook could have anyone. Maybe he
does have everyone. It doesn't really matter as long as Bae gets to have him.
Maybe it's just because of his mother. Maybe he feels guilty. That's probably
it. How long before he stops feeling guilty? What if Bae loses him?
He lets Hook's fingers slide from his mouth, and he crawls forward until he's
straddling Hook's stomach. Hook pulls him down for a kiss as his hand moves
under and one finger presses inside.
It was strange the first time. Or maybe just unexpected, but Hook knows exactly
how and where to touch him. Bae can't imagine anything else feeling this good
now. He closes his eyes and slowly rocks against Hook's hand. It's so close.
It's so almost and so nearly what he needs, but not quite. He needs more Hook.
He nuzzles his face against the rough hair covering Hook's cheek and jaw and
breathes in the smell of leather and sweat and seawater. It's comforting
somehow even though he can't say exactly why.
Hook turns his head toward Bae and nudges his nose against Bae's ear. "You feel
good?"
Not yet. Not good enough. He nods though. "I'm ready. Please. Now."
The warm, thick fingers leave him and his breath catches when he sighs.
Hook feels around and pulls a vial from the side table drawer. Bae takes it
from him before he has to try managing it with just the one hand and pours the
cool liquid into Hook's palm.
Hook slicks himself with the liquid and smirks at Bae as he closes the bottle
and stuffs it back in the drawer. He wipes his hand off on the torn sheets and
rests it on Bae's thigh. "I'm all yours."
The words make something warm and tremulous twist in Bae's stomach. He slides
back and reaches between them, testing it a little. But really. It doesn't hurt
that much. Nothing unbearable. Nothing like real pain. He sinks down swiftly
and takes Hook deep inside him.
Hook tenses, arches, and gasps beneath him. "Bae," he says, breathless with
something that sounds like longing.
Bae grips him, pulling Hook up into a sitting position and holding on tightly
enough to bruise them both. He's done this before, he's mostly figured it out,
and he's finally not empty and hollow and incomplete. Bae shoves himself up and
down and keeps Hook locked in his arms. It's so good and better than everything
else and he's not alone. This is his. He won't let go. He won't lose this.
He'll fight and die before he loses this.
Hook clutches him and breathes heavily against Bae's neck. Words fall in low,
pleading moans. Some of them incoherent, some mostly curses, most of them
Baelfire. He scatters kisses along Bae's neck and over his collarbones. Cool,
thick metal presses into his back and turns warmer against his skin. The sharp
point is turned away, Bae can tell. He knows it would never hurt him. Hook
protects him at any cost.
Bae tangles his fingers in Hook's soft hair. He clenches and grips fistfuls of
it, pulling Hook's mouth up to his. The prickly stubble leaves scratches and
tingling all over Bae's lips, and he has to get closer, he has feel him deeper
and never feel anything else. He has to never be alone ever again.
It builds and tightens in his stomach, and he drives himself harder and faster.
It's over the second Hook reaches between them and touches him. His whole body
jerks and spasms as he spills all over Hook's stomach and hand. Everything is
bright warmth and sparks and he holds onto Hook with a death grip. It can't end
yet. It's always over too soon no matter how slow and patient it is. He locks
his arms around Hook's shoulders and buries his face in Hook's neck. He quakes
with all the waves and jolts of heat and whispers into Hook's ear, "Let me feel
you. I want to feel you."
Hook bucks up against him a few times, but it doesn't take long for him either,
and Bae swears he feels the bright tremors that flow through Hook. His voice is
ragged and he holds Bae to him so they are completely pressed together. After a
few seconds, Bae is pulled even closer and rolled under Hook.
Bae's hair is a little damp and the warm metal brushes it off his forehead.
Hook kisses him softly, lightly over his cheek and nose and mouth, and Bae
swallows hard and wants to keep Hook held tightly in his arms but it's over now
and there isn't an excuse and he can't. He rests his hand lightly on Hook's
chest and can feel his heart still beating hard. He just wants… he just doesn't
want to be alone and abandoned any more.
"What's wrong, love? Did this hurt?"
Bae shakes his head but that word hurts. It wrenches everything and leaves him
broken open and with nothing.
Hook pulls him close and kisses his cheek. "Tell me? Please?"
Bae sighs because Hook is hopefully not letting him go any time soon, and maybe
he can imagine that there is love in the way he is being held. "Why did you…
say that? I mean call me that. Why?" he asks softly.
Hook is quiet for a moment, like he's studying Bae. "Why did I call you love?"
It was a stupid question. It's a stupid pet name or meaningless endearment or
whatever, and Bae knows that. He knows that. It's just. That word. It's all he
wants. It's all he's ever wanted from anyone.
"Bae, I love you," he says and his voice sounds thick and sorrowful and like
it's full of aching, too. Hook watches him pleadingly with bright blue eyes
that are so hard to look away from. "In every way imaginable," he says and
smiles though it seems sad.
Bae swallows hard and has nothing to say. His parents loved him, too. At least,
they did at one point. He imagines Wendy, John, and Michael loved him as well,
but he lost them, too. The problem isn't really having love maybe but keeping
it. Maybe it's not meant to be permanent.
Hook's gaze falls but his hand strokes lightly over Bae's shoulder. "Do you...
want me to not love you?"
Bae shakes his head. "I want too much. I want you to always love me. I want
someone who loves me and won't leave." His voice breaks on the last few words.
Why does it have to hurt so much? Why does he have to feel so much?
Hook kisses his forehead. "I couldn't promise this to anyone else, but I can
for you. I will always love you. I'll be here as long as you want me to."
Bae closes his eyes and almost feels it. It's warm and safe and Hook is so
solid and real and in him everywhere. He pulls Hook down so he can feel his
weight, and rubs both hands over his back.
Hook presses his face into Bae's hair and whispers to him, "How could I ever
let you go? You are one of the only good things to happen in my entire life.
You are selfless and noble and a bloody hero, and you still seem to love me."
Bae's eyes sting and he hugs Hook tighter.
"I'm not going anywhere unless you make me."
Bae laughs even though it comes out as a half sob. "I do love you. I don't want
you to go anywhere."
"Alright then, love. You're stuck with me."
Bae pulls Hook's face to his and kisses him fiercely. This time, he believes
it.
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