Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/13624374.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling
  Relationship:
      Tom_Riddle_|_Voldemort/Original_Female_Character(s), Minor_or_Background
      Relationship(s)
  Character:
      Tom_Riddle_|_Voldemort, Original_Female_Character(s), Original_Male
      Character(s), Lucius_Malfoy, Bellatrix_Black_Lestrange, Nagini_(Harry
      Potter), Draco_Malfoy, Narcissa_Black_Malfoy, Fenrir_Greyback, Pius
      Thicknesse, Thorfinn_Rowle, Yaxley_(Harry_Potter), Rodolphus_Lestrange,
      Minister_for_Magic, Minerva_McGonagall
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_Voldemort_Wins, Alternate_Universe_-_Canon
      Divergence, Possessive_Voldemort, Blood_and_Violence, Blood_Kink,
      Kidnapping, Murder, Derogatory_Language, Animal_Abuse, Animal
      Transformation, BDSM_Scene, Loss_of_Virginity, Explicit_Sexual_Content,
      Explicit_Language, Legilimency, Occlumency, Torture, Psychological
      Torture, Dubious_Consent, Restraints, Choking, Dark_Magic, Mentor
      Voldemort, Mentor/Protégé, Psychopaths_In_Love, Psychopathology_&
      Sociopathy
  Stats:
      Published: 2018-02-09 Updated: 2018-03-30 Chapters: 14/26 Words: 39868
****** Snow White Queen ******
by MorsXmordrE
Summary
     It has been twelve years since Lord Voldemort vanquished Harry Potter
     in the Chamber of Secrets. Since then, the Death Eaters have been
     slowly eating away at the normalcy of the British Wizarding world—so
     slowly, that most citizens don’t realize how much freedom they are
     losing as the years pass. The only people who don’t seem to mind are
     the Slytherins and their families. Which is why Voldemort is seeking
     out these young, impressionable students to join his cause.
     Seventh-year Alex Halaway is the quintessential Slytherin girl.
     Sensing the primal darkness in her soul from a very early age, she
     secretly yearns for a position of distinction in the upper echelons
     of Dark Wizarding society. Kidnapped, terrified, and stripped of her
     agency, she is suddenly faced with a harrowing choice: fight to the
     death just to maintain her dignity, or give up total control to the
     most dangerous Dark wizard alive, for the chance to later become more
     powerful than she could ever have imagined.
     *** Updates every Friday.
Notes
     Disclaimer 1: I own no copyrights of any concepts in the Harry Potter
     universe, and I make no money from these writings. My stories are for
     entertainment only.
     Disclaimer 2: The story title and chapter names come from the song
     “Snow White Queen” by Evanescence. The song did not inspire the
     story—I began writing the story before the song was released. I later
     decided to use the song title as the story title because it
     encapsulates the theme perfectly.
     I take a few liberties with the Harry Potter universe for this story:
     - Seventh-years learn to Apparate early in the school year, instead
     of only after they turn seventeen
     - Apparition is excluded from the Trace, once a student gets their
     license
***** Hide From You, All of You *****
It was winter break, and I decided to remain at school for the holiday. This
was no surprise. However, this time I planned to do some secret research, which
had nothing to do with my studies. No one else needed to know what I was up to.
I waited until a few hours after dinner, when all my Housemates had left. I
showered, brushed my teeth, reapplied my makeup, and put on one of my personal
outfits—I figured I’d attract less attention in Knockturn Alley by not wearing
a Hogwarts uniform. I climbed the stairs out of the dungeons, into the Entrance
Hall, and out of the school. Every few seconds, I shifted my eyes around to
make sure no one was following me. I’d never trusted anyone, and today was no
exception.
I quickly Apparated to Knockturn Alley upon arriving in Hogsmeade. Suddenly hit
with a blast of cold air, I wrapped my green and silver scarf around my neck.
This didn’t do much, so I cast a quick warming spell.
I grinned as I looked around at all the shops. Considering that I had never
been there before, I was pleased with how well I was containing my excitement.
The thing is, my family is “good people.” Everyone on my mother’s side, from
England, has either been in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw, and never caused any
trouble with the Ministry. My mother moved to America to marry my father, where
the Wizarding world operates more democratically—they hoped to raise their
children in a more secure environment, outside of the shenanigans in the UK.
So, imagine their surprise—and apprehension—when I not only got a letter from
Hogwarts, but I then became my family’s first and only Slytherin! (My little
sister ended up a Ravenclaw, so no more surprises there.) Though I tried to
justify my sorting by accentuating my ambition and desire for success, I
couldn’t be truly honest with my anxious parents. I never can be. They don’t
even know me. They know I’m a little off-center and have never quite fit in
anywhere, but they’ve never grasped exactly how different I really am. I may
behave reasonably well in public; but on the inside, I am a fucking monster and
my parents would disown me if they had the slightest inkling of my true nature.
I have always felt stifled around my relatives, which is why I only return home
when it’s absolutely necessary. I don’t blend in with my family of model
citizens. (If you’d like to peruse the American or British Ministry’s records
of troublemakers in Wizarding world, be my guest. You’ll not find a single
relative of mine.)
I was five years old in May of 1993, when the American Wizarding world learned
of the death of twelve-year-old Harry Potter and the subsequent second rise of
Lord Voldemort. No one knew for sure how the Dark Lord was able to return,
after the Potter boy had somehow vanquished him while still an infant. I didn’t
know too much about this—it all happened before I was born, and it was
completely outside my realm of understanding. I was more interested in learning
to read, and counting down the years until I was old enough to use a wand.
For as far back as I can remember, rumors have been circulating that Death
Eaters are slowly infiltrating the British Ministry of Magic. I’ve heard
whispers of new rules...new regulations...laws that would never have been put
into place ten years ago...a few disappearances...but no one can pinpoint
exactly where these changes are coming from and who is pulling which strings.
Suspicions don’t necessarily point to guilt, afterall, and most people are
afraid of speaking out against the Ministry anyway. The way I see it, as long
as I’m safe and secure, there’s no need to worry—and Hogwarts is pretty damn
safe. My sister and I wouldn’t have been allowed to go to school there if our
family thought we wouldn’t be adequately protected.
Though I can write you a textbook definition of why my parents have the
concerns that they do, I can’t empathize with their raw emotions surrounding
the risks of existing in a politically unstable environment. I’m not concerned
about the welfare of others—I’ve never been a bleeding-heart people person like
the rest of my family. I’m a stone-cold survivalist. Apart from a few close
friendships and crushes I’ve had here and there, I only care about myself. And
making sure no one else knows that about me. For obvious reasons. Trust me when
I say that it is quite jarring for a toddler to realize that being true to
themselves is dangerous, and thus never being able to relax in the slightest.
Enduring trauma like that forces a child to grow up and develop acute self-
awareness much faster than most kids, which is what I had to do. Considering
how often I’ve had to put others’ needs before my own just to protect myself
and keep the peace, it’s no wonder I turned out like this. It’s no wonder I’ve
always been drawn to the dark, dusty corners of human nature, scorned by most
people in an effort to maintain their illusions of moral superiority. To me,
darkness feels like home.
My parents, on the other hand, despise the Death Eaters and their leader, but
they also make a point to keep their views close to the vest—even though they
did choose to build their life together in America, far from the epicenter of
political unrest. They consider it a dangerous time, especially for my mother’s
family in England, but it’s all I’ve ever known. If anything, I am fascinated
by all the different views on how the Wizarding world should function. As
someone who has always been intrigued by the darkness present in our world,
I’ve never felt explicitly threatened, apart from instances of bullying among
my peers. I’ve encountered a lot of prejudice at Hogwarts, both for being
different from the other kids, and also for my heritage—my sister and I are
likely the only Americans at that school. Though the harassment used to get
under my skin because I’ve had to constantly be on high alert, it doesn’t
bother me as much anymore because I have more pressing concerns: success and
survival. Along that vein, my parents would lose their minds if they knew that
my post-Hogwarts plans included learning more about the darker side of the
Magical world, and later joining that niche in Wizarding society. Hence this
first trip to Knockturn Alley.
I walked along the darkened street, trying to act as inconspicuous as possible.
This went well until I thought I saw one of my Housemates’ mothers. Not
bothering to see if it really was her, I slipped into the nearest store.
The store turned out to be a bookshop, and I soon found myself getting lost in
a volume entitled Magick_Most_Evile. After a while, I was jerked back to
reality when a high-pitched voice pierced the silence.
“Excuse me, Miss, are you buying that?”
I almost dropped the book, and swore under my breath. Fighting the urge to
shoot the clerk with my signature death glare, I plastered an angelic look on
my face and said, “Actually, I was just browsing. I might come back later
though.”
The woman nodded. “All right.”
How in Salazar’s name did she get the job with a voice like that?
I was almost out the door when the woman’s voice stopped me with another
aggravating inquiry.
“I must say, though, you look awfully young to be looking at books like that.”
She eyed me strangely.
“I’m in my seventh year and don’t need your judgment,” I shot back, walking
briskly out of the shop with an eye roll.
After advancing only a few feet, I stopped dead in my tracks. The streets were
suddenly deserted. Looking around and seeing nothing alarming, I shrugged and
continued on, although I did have a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I
realized I needed to get out of Knockturn Alley, and quickly. Something was
definitely not right.
***** You Don't Know Me *****
I thought I was being alert as I walked. I made sure to look everywhere,
including behind me. Somehow, that wasn’t enough. I didn’t see it coming.
It all happened too fast for me to comprehend. Two strong arms wrapped around
me, and the world suddenly began to spin. I had to close my eyes to minimize
the dizziness. Within seconds, I was released from the stranger’s grip and I
collapsed in a heap on a cold stone floor.
“Where am I? Is anyone here?” I called out breathlessly. I couldn’t see a
thing, yet I slowly managed to achieve a sitting position.
“No need to be afraid, my dear.”
The man’s voice made me jump, and my eyes darted around the room. Although my
vision was starting to adjust to the darkness, I couldn’t see anyone.
“Who are you and where are you!” I demanded, standing quickly.
“Insignificant details,” he muttered.
“Fine then. At least tell me how I got here.”
“Side-Along Apparition; haven’t you heard of it?”
“Of course I’ve heard of it!” I snapped. “I’ve just never done it before.”
“Well, that much is obvious,” he chuckled. “And by the way, if you mouth off at
me again, I assure you, you’ll regret it.”
Neither of us spoke for a moment. Then he broke the silence.
“My, my. You’re terrified.”
“How—”
His voice was moving, but did not seem farther away. (From this, I gathered
that the room was basically circular.) I reached for my wand, and yet again his
voice made me jump.
“I’d put that away if I were you,” he warned.
“How could you see that? And—”
“And what?”
“How did you know what I was feeling?” My voice had suddenly become very small,
which bothered me. It showed exactly how insecure I felt in that moment, but I
sensed that he’d already figured that out.
“I assume you’ve heard of Legilimency, being in your seventh year,” he
continued.
I sighed. “Yes...I—wait a minute! How did you know that about me?”
“I know you better than you know yourself.”
I felt my heart hammering in my chest as I looked frantically around the room.
“This isn’t fair. You’re scaring me and you won’t even tell me where the hell
you are!”
“Well, life isn’t fair. You should know that, coming from a family of
Ravenclaws and Gryffindors, and being the only Slytherin.”
I drew my wand again.
“PUT YOUR WAND AWAY OR I WILL CONFISCATE IT.”
I gasped, and then reluctantly pocketed my wand as he continued speaking.
“I must say, I was impressed with your caution when you noticed that everyone
in Knockturn Alley had cleared the streets in fear,” he praised. “However, you
did not take Disillusionment charms into account, which is how I managed to
follow you without you seeing a thing.”
My eyes widened. “You’re under one now, aren’t you,” I said, surprisingly
calmly.
“Perhaps,” he replied, sounding amused. I got the sense that he was smiling.
“Why did you follow me?” I demanded. “What do you want from me?”
“I followed you because I find you nothing short of fascinating, and the
darkness in your young mind is something I haven’t seen in quite some time.”
He paused to let his words sink in, and then went on. “And what I want from you
is unwavering loyalty.”
I was confused beyond belief. “But...how can I be loyal to someone when I don’t
even know who they are?”
“Patience. You will know who I am soon enough.”
“Okay. So...you can follow me around without me knowing about it, then you
kidnap me and demand my loyalty, thinking I’ll be perfectly content to blindly
go along with this and not even know who the hell you a—”
“CRUCIO!”
I screamed and fell to the floor as dozens of white-hot knives of agony
furiously pierced my skin. As I writhed on the cold stone, I tried to think of
something to distract myself from the pain raging through my body—I refused to
scream again. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.
It felt like hours had passed by the time my anonymous captor finally lifted
the curse. I heard quiet footsteps as he approached me, but I still couldn’t
see him.
My heart raced. My eyes glistened. My skin was clammy. I thought he was about
to kill me.
“I’m...sorry....” I whispered, trying to reel in my rapid breathing.
I inhaled sharply as he chuckled and brushed the hair off my face. I felt
powerless.
“You’re so strong,” he murmured softly. “How you managed to stifle your agony
when I cursed you...amazing.” He was clearly enjoying himself.
I didn’t know what to say. I still couldn’t think straight, and didn’t want to
risk saying anything else that would anger my captor.
As if on cue, he said, “Tell me what you’re thinking.” It wasn’t a suggestion;
it was a command.
“I...I want to go back to school....”
He chuckled again. “Alex, do you really think you belong there? Where all your
reading of the Dark Arts must be done in secret, and you can never voice all of
your opinions—even to your Housemates?”
I froze. How did he know all of this? I wanted to protest, but didn’t know what
to say.
“I know where you could truly belong,” he continued.
“Where?” I asked.
He grabbed both my hands and pulled me to my feet.
Why can’t I see you?!
He let go and walked behind me. I tried to turn around, but he immediately
gripped my shoulders to hold me in place.
“With me,” he whispered.
My mind began to race. Why is this happening? Is this a trap? Am I going to
die? What the fuck is going on??
I once again tried to turn and face this stranger who had been playing games
with my head for the past ten minutes; however, he tightened his grip on me.
I don’t know why I thought to ask the next question, but something made me do
it.
“Do I know you?”
“Not personally, but I’m aware that you’ve wanted to for a long time now.”
I could only think of one person who matched that description, but I quickly
dismissed the idea. There was no way.
“Hold onto that thought,” he encouraged. “It wasn’t as outrageous as you may
think.” He finally let me turn to face him.
I thought my eyes were deceiving me, but I knew he was real. I’d seen his photo
in the 1945 Hogwarts yearbook. My jaw dropped.
If put in this situation, most people would recoil in terror, but all my fear
had vanished. I was simply in shock—the one person on whom I’d done so much
secret research was standing no more than six inches in front of me. I had
always privately hoped to someday join his ranks, but to think that he would
call me ‘fascinating’ was something I’d never even dared to dream of.
“I’ve wanted to meet you for a while, too,” he said. I was at a loss for words.
He pointed his wand at the far wall, and the stones vanished. He walked toward
the new exit, and motioned for me to follow.
I couldn’t help but grin. I was so excited, I practically forgot that he’d just
had me under the Cruciatus curse. We walked into a dim, narrow hallway, which
gradually opened up into a massive library about half the size of the one at
Hogwarts. I was quite impressed.
“Is this yours?” I asked.
“Everything on this estate belongs to me,” he replied flatly. “And yes, you may
look at the books.”
Damn it, I keep forgetting that he can read minds! I have to learn
Occlumency...soon....
“Um...I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how long do you plan on keeping me
here?”
He seemed to ponder momentarily, although it felt like ages. “All through your
winter break, I’ll say,” he finally responded. I slowly breathed in and out,
processing this surprising news.
“I thought you wanted to look at the books,” he added.
“Oh, right.” I slowly shook my head a few times, trying to force my mind back
into focus.
Scanning the shelves, I spotted a familiar title: Magick_Most_Evile. I reached
up and took it off the shelf, smiling because no one was here to tell me I was
too young to read up on Dark magic.
“I was just looking at this today,” I remarked, still smiling.
“I’m aware,” he replied as he walked toward me.
“You...followed me in there, too?”
“Of course,” he answered, as if I should’ve known. “Every step you took in
Knockturn Alley, I was right behind you.”
My eyes widened as I looked at the floor. He was stalking me?!
That did it. He violently shoved me up against the nearest wall of bookshelves.
The wood from the shelves dug into my back, yet I hardly noticed as his eyes
bored into mine. Now I was afraid.
“Do you dare question my actions, young lady?” he challenged.
“No....” I refused to look away from him.
“Do you realize that you can hide nothing from me?! Your thoughts are as clear
to me as your voice!”
I nodded.
“Are you quite certain that you know who you’re dealing with?”
I knew my answer would make it clear to him. “Yes, my Lord.”
He released me; yet I remained in that spot, shaking slightly.
“Unless you give me a reason, I have no intention of harming you—or letting
anyone harm you, for that matter,” he declared. “I only cursed you to remind
you of your place. As long as you are with me, I am in charge. You will obey
me. Do not forget that.”
I nodded, trying not to lose my nerve as the Dark Lord stood about an inch away
from me, looking quite stern.
What do I do? Am I supposed to remain silent? Am I supposed to say something?
Why am I suddenly terrified? This is so unlike me. Is he waiting for something
to happen? Will I die if I say or do the wrong thing? I know he just said he
didn’t want me harmed, but—
“Unless you threaten me in some way, you will return to Hogwarts in one piece,”
he offered with a smirk.
“I won’t threaten you, my Lord. I know better than that,” I replied, forcing
myself to look up at him. “I promise.”
Why do I have to be so much shorter than he is? This isn’t helping.
“Your mindset isn’t helping.”
I wanted to scream in frustration, but didn’t dare. I glared at the floor and
chastised myself for my blatant inability to control my thoughts.
“I’m quite enjoying this, you know,” he teased, smiling and resting his arm on
the shelf directly above me. “I’ve wanted to meet you for a very long time. You
seemed so much like me. So dark, so fearless, so proud, so smart, so determined
to succeed. I know you harbor a secret desire for power, and yet you’re
standing before me with all your weaknesses on display. I can see that you’re
terrified of making a misstep and infuriating me, but don’t worry. You’re
actually proving to be immensely entertaining,” he chuckled.
I was bursting to ask him how he’d found me and learned so much about me, but
thought it best to remain silent. Thankfully, he ignored my thoughts; however,
he seemed determined to shatter my nerve or find out where I’d break. He was
testing my temper and my fears in a way I’d never imagined possible. And he was
still standing uncomfortably close to me. My stomach was in knots.
“I know you want to prove yourself to me,” he continued, interrupting my
thoughts. "You want me to see that you are a force to be reckoned with. Among
your classmates, this is very clear to me. I admire that. However, they can’t
see your thoughts. They are insignificant, and many are hardly deserving of
life. I see that, and I know you do, too. You must learn to channel this into
thoughts and actions that can be of advantage to you. You cannot let your
emotions get the best of you around a powerful Legilimens, or you won’t last
long.” He paused. “And that would be a tremendous shame. I see such potential
in you. I see greatness—and I would hate to see you perish because your
emotions betrayed your pretty face.”
I blushed. There was no way to hide it, and he was clearly enjoying it. I
looked at my feet.
He tilted my chin up and said, “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Um, you already know...so why are you—oh, fuck it. “I’m...I’m a bit tired,” I
confessed.
“I can see that,” he replied as I stifled a yawn. “Come with me. I have a room
ready for you.”
I thanked him as he led me out of the library.
***** There's Nowhere to Run *****
I followed the Dark Lord through a few corridors and large rooms. At the end of
a long, narrow hallway, I saw a door with an ornate sculpture of a silver snake
that covered over half the length of the door. I smiled in spite of my
nerves—the snake was beautiful.
As he led me inside, I gasped. I had never seen such a beautiful room. It
reminded me of the Slytherin dungeons, as it was entirely constructed of large
stones from the floor to the ceiling. Next to me was a dark brown wooden door,
which I figured was a closet. There was a small, full bookcase across from the
bed. Next to it was a large mahogany desk filled with parchment, quills and a
few ink bottles. Behind me and to the right, about a foot down from the
ceiling, was a tiny window.
My eyes traveled back to the bed. It was huge.
“What’s the problem,” the Dark Lord asked. It sounded more like a statement.
“No, the—the room is beautiful. I’ve never seen anything like i—”
“Yet, you are troubled.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words formed. What exactly do I say?
“Is the bed bothering you?”
“No, not at all. I’ve just...never seen such a big bed,” I chuckled nervously.
Am I missing something?
He placed his hands on my shoulders and coaxed me closer to the bed. “It won’t
hurt you,” he teased.
“I, um....” How do I tell him I’d like some privacy?
He leaned in and whispered in my ear, “I’m not going anywhere.”
I whirled around. “What?? What do you mean?!”
“This is my bedroom.” He grinned.
The blood drained from my face.
Oh no.
He moved behind me and slipped his arms around my middle. He was incredibly
strong, but I struggled anyway.
“Do fight me again, my dear girl,” he encouraged. “There is nothing a snake
loves more than when his prey futilely struggles in his death-grip.” An
involuntary whimper escaped me as his teeth grazed my neck.
“I am not your prey!” I shot back without thinking.
“Oh, but you are,” he insisted. I bit my lip as he licked my neck.
“I can almost taste your fear,” he hissed. “And, as a matter of fact, I’d quite
like to.”
I continued to struggle, until I realized that that was what he wanted. I
stopped moving altogether and he released me.
In a moment of blind desperation, I lunged toward the door. He was in front of
me in an instant. He gripped my shoulders and backed me up against the wall.
“Are you trying to run away? Where will you go?” He pressed his body as close
to mine as possible. “I can find you anywhere, you know.”
I hung my head and closed my eyes, forcing down the cold panic threatening to
take over me. After a few seconds, he coaxed me to look up at him. I let him
lift my chin, but kept my eyes closed. The darkness was my only refuge.
Oh my god...he’s going to rape me...to Hell with my winter break—what if he
never lets me go? I’m not ready to die...not like this....
“Closing those beautiful eyes of yours won’t change the reality,” he reminded
me, running his thumb over my chin. “The fact of the matter is I now have you
in my possession, and I’m not about to let you go.” He leaned in and began
gently kissing my eyelids. I winced.
“I’m not going to stop until you open your eyes,” he said softly.
I didn’t move.
After several more kisses, he chuckled and glided his thumb over my lips. “You
either think I’ll give up eventually, or you’re starting to enjoy it.” He
gripped my head tightly. “Shall I probe into your mind and find out?”
My eyes flew open to see him smirking down at me. There was nothing I could
say. I inhaled slowly, trying to calm my racing heart. It was no use.
“You have two choices,” he went on. “You can either surrender now and enjoy
yourself tonight, or you can expend all of your energy by putting up a useless
fight against me. It doesn’t matter to me which option you choose, as it will
be to my benefit either way.” He brushed the hair away from my left shoulder
and kissed my neck. I forced myself not to make a sound, but it became
increasingly difficult as he began biting my neck and throat. I tilted my head
away from him, inadvertently allowing him more room, and he pressed in closer.
I inhaled sharply as he started sucking on the flesh above my collarbone.
This isn’t supposed to happen! This isn’t what I wanted! How did I get into
this? This can’t really be happening...this isn’t real....
I felt his lips venturing lower, and struggled as hard as I could. THIS IS NOT
HAPPENING.
For a split second I thought I could have gotten away, and then he had me
pinned to the wall again. I grimaced as my chest and shoulders slammed into the
cold stone. He tugged my hair back so my head would rest on his shoulder.
“You’re going to struggle all night, aren’t you?” he laughed. I clenched my
teeth and made to elbow him in the gut, but he was too quick. He tightly hooked
his arms through mine and held me still.
“I’ve wanted you for so long,” he murmured, breathing heavily on my neck. “I
can’t keep away from you any longer. Look what you’ve done! Look what you’ve
done to me!”
“I’ve done nothing!” I growled. I tried to wriggle out of his grip, but he
pinned my arms behind my back.
“You feisty little thing,” he spat. “Your fighting only makes me want you more.
I didn’t think that was even possible.” I squirmed as he fiercely groped my
breasts and pressed his arousal into my back. “Is this really all that bad? I’d
have thought you would enjoy this. Other men have been too afraid of you to try
and win your affection, haven’t they?”
How does he know this?!
I gave one last mighty struggle, and he simply let go of me. I turned around
and snarled at him. He laughed.
What the hell is so funny about this?!
“You leave me no choice, my dear,” he sighed, not sounding the least bit
disappointed. He drew his wand and pointed it at my middle. “Incarcerous.”
A rope materialized from thin air and wound around my waist. My arms were
pinned at my sides, and I felt a stinging burn as I struggled.
He shook his head and cupped my face in his hands. “This is such a shame,” he
remarked. “I wanted you to enjoy this.” He kissed my lips softly.
Now you’re just mocking me!
I glared up at him as a new wave of determination stirred within me. I lifted
my chin defiantly and declared, “Forcing yourself on a girl won’t make her want
you, my Lord.”
He looked at me as if he were trying to burn holes in my flesh with his eyes—he
clearly couldn’t believe that I’d had the audacity to speak to him this way. I
held his gaze and willed myself not to smirk at his shocked expression. I felt
oddly triumphant, considering the circumstances.
He scooped me up in his arms and threw me on the bed. I didn’t react. Pointing
his wand at the rope that bound me, he whispered, “Reducto,” and the rope
vanished. I still didn’t react.
“What are you waiting for?!”
Silence.
“What are you trying to prove?!”
Silence.
“Alex, I don’t care what kind of games you’re trying to play. You will not
succeed. I am in charge.”
Not at this moment, you’re not.
I remained silent even as he climbed on top of me and began ripping my clothes
off. Ignoring the fact that he was also stripping, I looked at the ceiling and
studied the patterns created by the stones.
“Your skin is even softer than I imagined,” he murmured, running his hands up
and down my sides.
Focus on the stones...focus on the stones...they’re very pretty....
I jumped as he began tracing random patterns on my stomach.
“Ticklish, are we?” he chuckled. I covered my stomach in a lame attempt to stop
him from tickling me again. As I waited for him to simply ply my arms off my
stomach, he reached lower and pressed his fingers against my clitoris. My hips
bucked involuntarily.
“Why do you even bother to struggle anymore? Your body is telling me what I
need to know.”
I shook my head.
“You still don’t want this? You’re not aching to feel me moving inside you?”
“N-no....” I whimpered. My body had betrayed me.
“Fine.” He rolled off of me and laid on his back.
‘Fine?’ That’s it? There’s got to be a catch.
I sat up, hugged my legs to my chest, and stared at the wall. I knew he was
watching me, but I didn’t care. I busied myself with the stones again.
After about ten minutes, he slowly ran his hand down my back. “You’ll have to
sleep sometime, you know,” he said.
I remained silent.
“Just because you’re not talking to me doesn’t mean I can’t see inside your
mind. I see everything.”
Just look at the stones...concentrate on the stones....
We remained in silence for the next half hour, until I finally collapsed from
exhaustion.
***** All I Want is You *****
I awoke with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I felt violated, even
though the Dark Lord hadn’t actually taken me. For that, I was grateful.
Suddenly, I felt a hand stroking my hair. I pretended not to notice, even
though the sensation was almost soothing.
“Your hair is very soft,” he murmured.
“Thank you,” I replied unenthusiastically.
“You must be exhausted from last night,” he taunted. I could practically hear
him smirking.
“Only emotionally.”
Why the fuck did I just admit that aloud? Ugh...me and my big mouth.
“Well, that won’t do.”
“What, you’re not trying to break me?”
He scooted closer and rested his hand on my shoulder. “Not at all,” he purred.
“I did not rape you. I have no intention of raping you. I want you begging me
to make love to you.” Reaching over my arm, he cupped my right breast and began
rubbing his thumb over the nipple.
“I don’t beg,” I declared, biting my lip to keep myself from responding to his
ministrations.
“Not yet,” he insisted, giving my breast a final squeeze.
You just keep telling yourself that, you egotistical bastard.
He suddenly bit into my shoulder, drawing blood. I buried my face in the
pillow, trying to stifle a loud moan.
“Will you ever learn, you incorrigible bitch?” he growled.
“Got that right,” I snarled. “I am indeed a bitch, and I like it.”
He turned me over on my back and viciously bit into my neck, shoulders and
breasts until I was whimpering and tears began leaking from my eyes. I turned
my head away from him, and he firmly gripped my face in his hands.
“You will not talk back to me again, or your punishment will be much more
severe,” he warned.
I nodded slowly, trying desperately not to cry. I wouldn’t give him the
satisfaction.
He slowly licked all the blood he’d drawn off of me, seeming to savor every
second. I did everything I could to not react, but my attempts were futile.
“You love it when I lick you,” he teased, grinning impishly.
I cringed and shook my head.
“You’re a terrible liar,” he chuckled. “You’re not even trying to resist me
anymore.” He began licking my breasts at a snail pace, firmly pressing his
tongue down on me. He didn’t stop until he had touched every inch of skin. I
grasped the sheets and went rigid as I felt his tongue glide across my chest.
My breath caught in my throat and I could hardly even blink as I stared up at
the ceiling. Though I was scared out of my mind, I couldn’t deny that my body
was also responding to him—by the time he finally lifted his head up, the
throbbing in between my legs was almost painful. I squeezed my thighs together
and tried to turn away from him, but he held me in place.
“Your body is a delicacy,” he murmured. “Trust me...I will have you crying and
begging me to take you before the day is through.”
He started licking my breasts again, faster this time. I couldn’t stop myself
from whimpering as he forcefully sucked my nipples. Half of me wanted him to
stop immediately, and the other half was desperate for him to continue—purely
to relieve the ache building in my core, even if the feeling was involuntary.
Despite this, I refused to beg for it. I was terrified that he was right about
me completely giving in, and he was clearly determined to shatter my will to
resist his touch.
Being a Legilimens, and supposedly knowing me better than I knew myself, he
must have figured out that he was everything I secretly wanted in a
man—brilliant, ambitious, cunning, powerful, pure evil, and devastatingly
handsome. And though I had always hoped to meet him and join his cause, I’d
never thought of him this way.
Or had I?
I think I’d always had a bit of a crush on him, but it was more admiration than
anything else. I looked up to him. I wanted to be like him. The thought of
being near him had been thrilling, but I’d never actually fantasized about
going to bed with him. And I certainly never imagined that he would desire me
enough to kidnap me and hold me hostage. I was terrified of what he had in
store for me, but I also worried that I was starting to like it. Why did that
thought scare me so much? He explicitly told me that he didn’t want me harmed,
but he was still Lord Fucking Voldemort and could change his mind on a dime.
Though, that thought in and of itself was oddly arousing. Why was I afraid of
admitting how overwhelmed I felt when his eyes smoldered and his lips touched
my skin? Why was I afraid of how much his presence saturated me?
I wasn’t ready for something like this—especially with someone of his caliber.
I’d never even kissed a boy before, much less a grown man who could hardly
control himself around me. And it never even occurred to me that the greatest,
most malevolent wizard in the world would react to me this way. Given his
obsession with power, I never imagined him to be interested in sex, except
maybe as a meaningless one-night stand.
It may have been fun to imagine talking with him about subjects I couldn’t
discuss with others without incriminating myself, but this...this...what was
this? Did he only like my appearance? Did he plan to break me and keep me there
forever, to use as a toy whenever he wanted? He certainly could, as I had no
way of escaping. But what if this was something more? What if he saw me the way
I saw him—as an equal in a world of inferiors? That couldn’t possibly be it.
That was surely wishful thinking. He had no equals.
My thoughts were racing too quickly for me to keep up, which only seemed to
encourage him.
After sliding down my body like a snake, he licked my belly up and down,
occasionally biting the skin. I struggled to stop him from prying my legs
apart, but it didn’t work. Gripping my inner thighs, he violently forced my
legs as far apart as they would go, and began sucking on my clitoris. I
completely lost my will to resist and began to squirm and moan as he sucked
harder.
“I know you want me now,” he insisted, breathing heavily on my belly.
“No,” I moaned. “Stop...please....”
“No. I will continue until you’re delirious with desire and desperate for me to
take you.” He forced his tongue deep inside me, licking and sucking hard. He
then flicked his tongue up and down my clitoris until my back arched and I came
violently.
What’s happening to me? Why does he want ME??
I bit my lip as he licked every drop of fluid off of my leaking entrance. He
caressed my outer thighs and crawled back on top of me.
“You taste phenomenal,” he murmured, “and you look more beautiful than ever in
the throes of ecstasy.” He licked my neck slowly. After squeezing my shoulders,
he got out of bed and walked over to his closet. I turned over on my side and
curled up in a ball as I heard him dress.
Make it stop...make it stop...make it stop...this is just a nightmare...I’ll
wake up in my bed at Hogwarts at any moment...please....
I was jolted out of my reverie when he roughly grabbed my left shoulder, turned
me over onto my back, and fixed me with a penetrating stare. My face burned. I
felt more exposed than ever.
“Although I love the taste of you on my tongue,” he said, like he was
discussing the weather, “I’m going to eat breakfast now. You will join me.”
“I need clothes,” I whispered, barely able to maintain eye contact with him.
“Of course.” He pointed his wand at the heap of ripped garments on the floor
and muttered, “Reparo. Scourgify.” I sat up, and he handed me my clothes.
“Thank you,” I responded shakily. I slid out of bed and dressed in silence,
making a point to look away from him. He placed his hand on the small of my
back and led me to the dining room.
                                     * * *
After the most awkward meal of my life, the Dark Lord led me back into the
library and motioned for me to sit on a thick black rug. He sat across from me,
barely two inches away. His eyes bored into mine.
“Tell me everything,” he commanded.
“What do you mean?” I asked quietly.
“Your life. Your opinions. Your goals. I want to know everything about you.”
I was speechless. No one had ever approached me with such a request. If he
supposedly knows me better than I know myself, and wants to constantly read my
thoughts, then why does he want me to—”
“I can read your thoughts anytime, but that’s not why we’re here,” he snapped.
“Talk to me. I want to hear your voice. I want to see the way different aspects
of your life affect you. I want to know everything.”
WOW. No pressure. No pressure at all....
“Um...” I stammered.
Oh, good grief...where the hell do I start?
“Well, I’m from America, obviously, and so far I think I’m the only American at
Hogwarts, other than my little sister, Morgan. There may have been others
before me, but I wouldn’t know.”
“You have family from England, don’t you. I imagine that’s the only way you
could have been admitted.”
“Yes. My mother was born and raised here. She moved to America to marry my
father.” I paused. “I was expecting a letter from Ilvermorny, but I got a
letter from Hogwarts instead.”
I tried to tell him my life story in a nutshell, but he wanted all the minute
details. He wouldn’t let me omit anything. He hardly spoke as I talked and
talked; he merely sat there, with his eyes absolutely glued to me. He would nod
occasionally, or make a comment about something I said, but these responses
were rare. It felt strange to be babbling on about myself to someone I’d known
for less than twenty-four hours—and the Dark Lord, of all people—but it seemed
like it had been longer. So much had happened since the previous day.
Somehow, he knew that I’d been researching him and his background for years.
This pleased him immensely. I tried to skip over that part, as I had never told
anyone and the thought of doing so had made me uncomfortable, but he wouldn’t
allow it. He wanted to know everything I’d thought about him before meeting
him. And I obviously couldn’t lie to the world’s most powerful Legilimens.
After I’d been talking about myself for around an hour, he rested his hand on
my knee. I inhaled and fought the urge to scoot back.
“You’re anxious to learn the Dark Arts,” he said.
I nodded.
“I will teach you everything I know,” he declared, leaning in close. “You will
practice every day that you’re here. By the time you return to school, you will
be on your way to becoming the most skilled Dark witch the world has ever
known. I promise you that.”
My eyes dropped to the floor. I bit my lip and smiled in spite of myself. “I’d
like that.”
“And it will happen. Now, take out your wand.”
***** I Can’t Escape the Twisted Way You Think of Me *****
Despite the fact that I was reeling from the mind-boggling events of the past
twelve hours, I thoroughly enjoyed the day’s Dark Arts lessons. They were
pretty basic, as I’d had no prior experience with Dark magic other than reading
about it, but the Dark Lord was surprisingly patient. He seemed heavily
invested in helping me master these skills, and made sure I understood every
concept thoroughly before he introduced something new.
I was so engrossed in my lessons that I found myself dismissing everything that
the Dark Lord had done to me just hours earlier. He was in a completely
different mindset whilst teaching me. I realized that the side of himself he
was showing me now was what had initially sparked my secret fascination with
him. When I’d finally grasped the depth of the darkness inside me, I realized
that I wanted to surround myself with like-minded individuals, and he seemed
the ideal person to turn to. I never dared tell anyone this. The thought of
meeting him and joining his ranks had just become one of those unspoken wishes
I wasn’t sure I would be able to realize—at least until after I graduated from
Hogwarts. From reading about the Dark Lord and learning bits and pieces of his
history in my schooling, I figured out that he was not only evil personified
but also incredibly smart, cunning, and resourceful. I admired him for this. I
was now interacting with him in the way I had always hoped I could, which
allowed me to get a glimpse of how his brilliant mind worked. He was entirely
focused on making sure I developed the skills I would need to flourish in the
Dark Arts, and I loved it.
Though I was excited to finally be learning Dark magic, there were breaks in my
lessons during which I couldn’t fight the nervousness and apprehension that had
been screaming for attention in my mind all day. I tried not to think about
what might happen that night, and it almost worked, as the Dark Lord kept me
busy with several spells. However, I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was
about to make the previous night look like child’s play.
He walked with me to his bedroom that evening, and I stopped on the way to look
into another room with a very comfortable-looking couch that I wouldn’t have
minded sleeping on. Alone. The Dark Lord noticed the look on my face and
clicked his tongue a few times.
“Don’t even think about it,” he scolded, while gripping the inside of my arm
and coaxing me along. I sighed.
He stopped in front of the bathroom and motioned for me to go in. “You’ll find
everything you need in there to wash up,” he said. “I’ll be waiting for you.” I
nodded and closed the door. I listened to him walk away, and locked the door as
quietly as I could when I figured he was in his room.
Why am I bothering? If he wants to barge in here, no lock will stop him.
I took a minute to try—unsuccessfully—to calm my nerves, and then looked
around. Like his bedroom, the bathroom was enormous. I opened the medicine
cabinet and scanned the contents. My eyes bugged out when I saw what was on the
lowest shelf: lined up neatly were a few tubes of silver lipstick, a bottle of
black nail polish, and my favorite brand of eye makeup.
“Are you fucking serious?” I whispered to no one. Shaking my head in
bewilderment, I walked over to the shower and opened the glass door. My
preferred shower products just happened to be inside.
How the hell does he know??
I realized I probably shouldn’t be surprised, given everything else he’d
already learned about me.
A few feet away was a small shelf with a few dark green towels. How appropriate
for the ultimate Slytherin, I thought. I reached up and ran my hand along one
of them. The material was so soft, it almost made me smile.
I focused on every minute detail of my nightly routine to try and take my mind
off of what could possibly happen after I left the bathroom. Attempting to go
on autopilot, I mechanically turned on the water in the shower, adjusted the
temperature, and glanced behind me before stepping into the stall and closing
the glass door.
I tried to enjoy my shower. The warm water was soothing, but I kept finding
myself looking anxiously toward the bathroom door to make sure I was still
alone. I realized that I had just become very self-conscious about washing
myself, which was quite unnerving because I’d never been terribly insecure with
my body—my current situation, however, had instantly turned all of that upside-
down. I was suddenly hyper-aware of every part of my body and every move I
made.
He’s probably dying to do this for me.
My stomach flipped.
He’s probably thinking about it right now.
Cringing at the mental image of the Dark Lord standing opposite me and running
his hands all over my body, I finished my shower in a hurry to try and banish
these disturbing thoughts—and also to ignore how warm my face suddenly felt. It
had quickly become suffocatingly hot. I craved the cooler air outside the
shower stall.
As I stepped out of the shower, I briefly entertained the notion of leaving my
hair a tangled mess; I thought that if I walked into the Dark Lord’s bedroom
all sloppy-looking, maybe he wouldn’t want to touch me—and I nearly laughed
aloud at the absurdity. Oh please, Alex. He’d find a way to fix you up in no
time. I reached for my wand and cast drying spells on my hair and skin, and
wrapped one of the larger towels around my body.
I inhaled slowly and pictured myself walking steadily down the hall to face the
Dark Lord without letting my nervousness show. After another deep breath, I
slowly reached out and opened the bathroom door. He was right there. I stepped
back instinctively.
“If you’re not in my bedroom when I’m finished....” he warned. He didn’t need
to finish the threat, as I got the message from the tone in his voice and the
expression on his face. I nodded and looked at the floor. After he swept past
me, I padded down the hall to his room and reluctantly placed my wand on top of
the bookcase. I didn’t want to be unarmed, but I knew that the Dark Lord would
punish me if he saw me trying to defend myself from him—which would never work,
anyway. He was too powerful.
I gingerly sat on the edge of the bed and clutched the towel around me until my
knuckles turned white. I gazed forlornly at my wand, wishing I could
Disapparate and return to Hogwarts. What would happen if I just...tried? Once?
Surely he wouldn’t know, if he was focused on showering. What if I really could
Disapparate, and he had only lied about having anti-Apparition wards to scare
me into subservience? Could I just stand up and attempt Apparition once? Could
I be back in my dorm before he finished his shower? What would he do when he
saw that I’d disappeared? Could he find me at Hogwarts? What would he do if he
tracked me down there, and I told him I promised I wasn’t trying to get away
from him permanently; I just needed some time alone to think? How had he even
found me in the first place? And what would happen if I waited too long, and he
saw me reaching for my wand as he was entering the bedroom? He would surely
kill me.
Maybe I should just grin and bear it. He did say he would let me go at the end
of winter break, anyway, but what if I would return to school damaged beyond
repair? He was the most powerful wizard in the world. He could do anything he
wanted to me without any fear of repercussions. And as successful as I’d been
so far in my study of magic—I was top of the class, on my own merit—I was still
just a student. I was a kid. He was lightyears ahead of me.
But, oh Merlin, could I try to Apparate only once, just in case? If it didn’t
work, would he even know?
My heart pounded in anticipation, but my indecisiveness paralyzed me. I was
rooted to the spot. It felt like precious seconds were slipping through my
fingers as I tried desperately to catch them and hold them in place, if only
for a blessed moment. Time seemed to both speed up and slow to an agonizing
crawl.
I didn’t have enough time to mentally prepare myself for the moment he walked
into the bedroom, wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. I
watched as he approached me, my heart hammering in my chest, and I chastised
myself for admiring his toned physique.
When he was directly in front of me, he reached down and ran the back of his
hand down my cheek. A chill shot down my spine.
“Good girl,” he praised with a smile. “I knew you wouldn’t try to run off.”
Please don’t read my thoughts. Please. I didn’t go anywhere, see? I’ve been
right here this whole time, like you instructed. You surely can’t punish me
now....
He motioned for me to stand. I slowly rose to my feet and gripped the towel
tighter, slightly caving into myself while cringing and looking at my feet.
He reached for my wrists and tugged gently. “Drop the towel,” he commanded.
Biting back a shudder, I squeezed the towel for a moment longer before
begrudgingly letting it fall to the floor. He smirked and threw off his own
towel before pushing me down onto the bed. I gasped and scooted back until I
couldn’t move any farther. After climbing on top of me, he grabbed my wrists
and forced them down over my head. My struggling only made him laugh.
“You are completely at my mercy now,” he said darkly, his voice thick with
lust.
“You said you weren’t going to rape me!” I growled.
“Obey me and cooperate now, and I won’t,” he replied with a grin. He pulled my
arms together and pointed his wand at my left wrist. A rope materialized from
thin air and wound around my wrist to secure it to the nearest bedpost. I
jerked my arms as hard as I could, even though I knew it would get me nowhere,
until he pressed the tip of his wand to my neck. My heart rate sped up again.
“You’re only hurting yourself,” he warned quietly. He moved his wand to my
right wrist and another rope fastened it to the opposite bedpost. “As I said
yesterday,” he continued, “I will not let anyone else harm you, but you’re
trying my patience. I enjoyed your little struggle last night, but I don’t want
to deal with that anymore. Keep trying to fight me off, and I will rape you. I
will tear your beautiful little body to shreds. You might not even live through
it.”
“You promised!” I cried out.
“Darling, have you forgotten who I am?” he cackled, and kissed my neck.
“There’s no point in fighting, as I know you want this. You proved that this
morning with the way you responded to me. And don’t think I missed that look
you gave me when I walked in a few minutes ago.” He kissed my neck a few more
times. “I told you that I would make sure you begged me to take you by the end
of the day, and I intend to so now, as you were so stubborn this morning.”
I can’t do that...I WON’T....
“You will,” he insisted, gripping my hair and forcing me to look into his eyes.
“That I can promise you. I don’t even understand why you still resist! Giving
in would make this so much easier for you. Why do you fight it? Why do you deny
the fact that I can bring you pleasure like no other man ever could? I should
remind you that I can see inside your mind clearly. I know about all of your
dark, twisted fantasies, and I can make them come to life. All you have to do
is beg me for it. It’s not that difficult.”
I whimpered. I didn’t know what else to do.
“Cooperate now, my gorgeous girl,” he urged, while stroking my hair. “Let me do
everything I want to you right now, and I promise you will give in. Tonight, I
plan to drive you into such a frenzy that all you’ll be able to do is beg for
more.”
“Oh my god....” I whispered shakily. My body began trembling. I had to force
myself not to hyperventilate.
“I know you’ve always secretly wanted a man to desire you as much as I do, and
who better to do so than me? I am everything you’ve ever wanted and more. No
one will ever understand the way your wicked mind works better than I do, and I
know you see that. Stop. Resisting.” He slowly ran his tongue up the side of my
neck.
“I—”
“Shhh,” he whispered, and placed his thumb over my lips. “You have nothing to
be afraid of. Have faith that I’m about to give you more pleasure than you
could ever have hoped for. And you will love it. Trust me.”
He slid off of me and walked to the foot of the bed, and then pointed his wand
at my ankles. Ropes wound around them. I wanted to get away, but I was
powerless to stop the ropes from attaching to the bedposts. I tried to move my
legs, and was surprised to see that I actually could—enough to bend my knees
fully. I didn’t want to do that, though, as that would expose me completely.
That was exactly what he had in mind. He climbed back onto the bed, pushing my
shins back as he came closer. He didn’t stop pushing them until my knees were
bent completely and my legs spread as wide as possible.
“Keep them there,” he instructed, resting his hands on my knees before crawling
back on top of me. I realized that being in this position was incredibly
arousing, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through this with him. My confusion
and nervousness made my heart rate skyrocket.
“Take a few slow, deep breaths now,” he advised, “because you won’t be able to
do so for a while.” I tried to slow my breathing, but it was impossible. He
started kissing my neck and rubbing my shoulders, inhaling deeply at the same
time. Sliding lower, he circled his hands around my breasts a few times and
then stroked the sides with his palms.
“These are so soft,” he murmured, running his lips over the skin as he spoke.
“So beautiful...” He squeezed my breasts hard and stopped to suck on my nipples
before trailing several slow kisses down my belly. I began to moan softly
without even realizing it. He stopped and looked up at me with a devilish grin.
“See the way you respond to me? Just admit it now. You want this. You want me.”
I bit my lip and groaned.
“No matter,” he said. “I’m about to prove that even more.” Without waiting for
a response, he leaned down and placed a line of slow, firm kisses down my
entrance while snaking his arms under and around my thighs. I bit back a moan.
He licked the swollen flesh a few times and then slid his tongue inside. He
opened his mouth wide and drove his tongue as deep as he could, licking and
sucking hard while holding my thighs in an iron grip. After about a minute of
this, he licked his lips and gazed up at me. The look in his eyes told me that,
with enough effort, he could pry open my very soul.
“Who do you think you’re fooling?” he demanded. “You’re soaked.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words formed. My head was spinning.
He shook his head and sneered. “You’re delicious,” he went on. “I’m enjoying
this just as much as you are. The only difference is I freely admit it.” He
kissed my lower belly a few times, and then began flicking his tongue over my
clitoris.
Oh my god...he’s doing that again....
I wanted to stay still and somehow convince him that he wasn’t affecting me,
but all I could do was whimper loudly. My legs shook. My nails dug into my
palms and broke the skin.
Stop...stop doing this...oh god, but it feels so good...I can’t....
He didn’t stop. He kept it up until the orgasm crashed over me. Mentally
cursing myself, I cried out as my hips began bucking of their own accord. He
gripped them tightly and began sucking the nub urgently. I squealed and felt
myself grinding hard into his face. I was enjoying it and hating myself for it
at the same time, but all I could do was respond to him. I couldn’t even think
straight.
He forced his tongue back inside to suck me completely dry. I felt him groan
against me, and the vibration made me twitch uncomfortably. He chuckled and
started stimulating my clitoris with his tongue again. I screamed. He added
more pressure gradually, building me up until another orgasm rocked my entire
body. I screamed louder. I thought he would give me a break after that, but a
break seemed to be the farthest thing from his mind. He forced my gyrating hips
down so I couldn’t move them, and continued licking. My legs convulsed
violently.
I looked down at him pleadingly, and I forgot to breathe for a few seconds—the
crazed ferocity I saw in his eyes nearly stopped my heart. His facial
expression was that of a ravenous apex predator tearing apart the prey he’d
been chasing for ages, which had always managed to escape at the last
second...until this moment. So he now not only wants to devour his prey, but he
also wants to make sure that the prey can feel the predator’s brute strength
and the depth of his frenzied need to conquer, driven past the point of natural
behavior by the prey’s prior elusiveness.
It was the most frightening, arousing sight I had ever seen. I couldn’t tear my
eyes away.
He had begun breathing heavily and gruffly against my sex as he continued
stimulating me, sounding more and more frenetic the more my body responded to
him. With the modicum of strength I had left, I furiously thrashed my arms
against the mattress and struggled to break free of the ropes binding me.
It was no use. He would not be stopped.
My wrists bled and the muscles in my arms twitched from exhaustion.
But he would not be stopped.
He was the ultimate predator who would not stop destroying until he’d eaten his
fill. I was absoltely powerless. By the time he finally relented, I’d orgasmed
four more times and practically screamed myself hoarse. Tears were streaming
down my face.
He slowly crawled back onto me, pressing his pulsing stiffness to my abdomen.
“Do you have anything to say?” he asked softly, and placed a feathery kiss to
my ear.
I whimpered. “I...I can’t—”
“You can’t believe I make you feel this good,” he chuckled, and slowly kissed
the tears off my flushed cheeks. My breath hitched. He then grabbed a fistful
of my hair, forced my head down to the side, and sank his teeth into my neck.
The harder he bit me, the tighter he gripped my hair as his breathing once
again grew faster and heavier. I groaned into the pillow. I felt his other hand
slip between us, and I gasped as he slid two fingers inside me. Growling with
excitement, he continued biting all around my neck and shoulder. I moaned
loudly as he pumped his fingers in and out of me, faster and faster until I
came once again with a strangled cry. He smiled and brought his fingers to his
lips to suck all the fluid off.
“What about now?” he inquired again. “Anything you’d like to tell me?”
“I’ve never—I’ve never begged for anything,” I whispered breathlessly.
“It doesn’t matter. I know what you want just as well as you do. Just say it.
Beg me for it. Tell me how much you’re aching to feel me penetrate you.”
“I can’t....”
He shook his head and pressed his lips into a firm line. His voice turned very
sinister. “For such a brilliant girl, you’re making a very foolish choice,” he
admonished loudly.
“No! I—”
He interrupted my protest by slapping his hand over my mouth. “It’s too late,”
he declared. “I am out of patience and beyond aroused. I’m going to take you.
Right. Now.”
Keeping his hand clamped over my mouth, he plunged into me. I moaned loudly as
I felt my barrier break, which only made him smile wickedly. He moved his hand
to tilt my chin up, forced my head back with his other hand, and crushed his
lips over mine. I gasped. He shoved his tongue into my mouth and began firmly
massaging, practically forcing me to twirl my tongue around his. I wasn’t even
sure why I was going along with it, but I figured it would make my predicament
easier. He gripped my head tighter and kissed me harder while forcefully
driving into my body in a slow, steady rhythm. I moaned in his mouth and balled
my hands into fists, returning his kiss with equal vigor and telling myself
that I was only doing this to satisfy him enough to stop him from punishing me
later.
He finally released my lips after a long moment, and began thrusting hard and
fast. I growled in frustration until the pain began to subside. To my alarm—or
my relief, I couldn’t be sure—I started to feel a ripple of pleasure with his
every thrust. My cries of agony became cries of pleasure, and I began forcing
my hips upward to meet his. He moaned with me while gripping my bound wrists,
pounding faster and harder until he spilled into me. I spasmed around him and
whimpered as he bit my neck again before kissing it lightly.
We lay this way, in complete silence, until he ran his fingers over the ropes
binding my wrists. The bonds disappeared. He slowly brought my arms down,
kissing them as he did so.
The realization of what had just happened slammed into me, and I felt sick.
“You’re mine, Miss Halaway,” he growled directly into my ear. “You belong to
me. You can’t fight me anymore.”
I turned my head to the side to avoid his piercing gaze, but he grabbed my chin
and forced me to look at him.
“As you satisfied me tonight, I will give you one more day,” he said. “It
doesn’t matter that I know how much you just enjoyed me, because you’re still
not saying the words. I will give you until this time tomorrow to admit the
truth; and if you don’t, I will rape you. You will be in absolute agony, but I
will enjoy you immensely.”
With that, he sat up and pointed his wand at my ankles. The ropes
disintegrated. He then climbed off of me and laid on his back. I regarded him
for a moment and noted that he almost seemed relaxed, albeit a bit agitated. I
didn’t know what to say, so I turned over on my side, drew my knees up to my
chest, and closed my eyes. He edged closer and began running his hand up and
down the curve of my waist, while kissing my upper arm and inhaling slowly. I
begrudgingly accepted that I found this soothing, and soon drifted off.
                                     * * *
I woke up the next morning feeling scared and confused. I didn’t want to open
my eyes. I wanted to be back at school, in my own bed. Alone. Where I wouldn’t
have to think about the possibility of getting raped by the Dark Lord—as if I
hadn’t been a few hours before; I wasn’t entirely certain—or whether I secretly
wanted him and his masterful touch.
Not two days prior, my biggest concern had been sneaking into Knockturn Alley
and getting away with it. I thought I was such a badass. From thirteen years
old onward, I’d felt like an absolute powerhouse. I’d felt almost invincible.
Now, suddenly, I felt completely helpless and borderline incompetent. I was
trapped in an undetectable mansion, sleeping next to the most feared and
accomplished wizard in the world, who had just threatened my life and taken my
virginity by force. All of my former goals and problems suddenly seemed so
insignificant. Childish, even. Laughable. What the hell had my life turned
into? I didn’t even know what I wanted anymore. I didn’t even feel like myself
anymore. He had penetrated my mind as well as my body. Who was I becoming? How
was I still a child? I suddenly felt much older than sixteen.
The Dark Lord scooted closer so that his chest was lightly touching my back. I
didn’t open my eyes until he snaked his right arm over my belly and pulled me
back to him possessively.
“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” he whispered. I sighed as he ran his hand over my
waist and up to my arms, which were covering my breasts. He took hold of my
right wrist and slowly moved my arm down so he could reach the skin underneath.
I let him massage my breasts and kiss my neck, hoping that would be enough for
him—at least for now. Thankfully, he seemed satisfied after a few minutes.
The day went by much like the one before: we got dressed, ate breakfast, and
immediately started on my Dark Arts lessons. I was a bit shaky on the spells
and techniques I had learned the day before, as my mind kept drifting back to
the previous night.
There were fierce, fingerprint-shaped bruises on my hips and inner thighs.
There were angry red bite marks all over my neck, shoulders, and breasts.
My palms were tender from having dug my nails into them so forcefully.
My inner walls were so sore that walking was painful.
There were little red droplets in my underwear.
There were thick, dark pink rings around my wrists and ankles that stung when I
moved those joints.
Blood pulsed furiously in between my legs and my core ached heavily when the
past two days flashed before my eyes.
He was devouring me.
But I couldn’t break. I couldn’t give in. I couldn’t lose myself.
I had to grit my teeth through whatever this was, and make it out alive.
Something positive had to come out of this situation. I had to hold onto
whatever shred of dignity I still possessed.
I also had too much to learn about Dark magic. I needed to learn. It was a
visceral pull in the pit of my stomach. And I knew I was drawing from the most
credible source. As sneaking around in Knockturn Alley clearly wasn’t
happening, my only option so far was right in front of me.
I forced my focus back to my lessons by reminding myself that I didn’t want to
give the Dark Lord another reason to think about punishing me—or worse. I
couldn’t die here. I was too young. I had too much to do.
                                     * * *
That night, I lay on the Dark Lord’s bed as he showered, staring at nothing on
the ceiling. I refused to fall asleep; I would not let him take me by surprise.
I also couldn’t help but recall the intensity of the past two days. I cringed
and shook my head. It had been utterly humiliating. Yes, humiliating. Then why
did I keep replaying it in my head? Why didn’t I try to think of something
else? My body had responded to him involuntarily, not because I’d wanted him.
Would it have been different if I had wanted him? Yes...I’m sure it would.
Wait. No. Why did I even consider that? What is wrong with me?!
I waited and waited, knowing that he would soon come in and do whatever he
wanted with me. I braced myself when I finally heard the door open, but nothing
happened. I allowed myself a glance to my left. He was standing in the doorway,
looking at me.
Just come in here and get it over with. The sooner it starts, the sooner it’ll
finish.
“I meant what I said last night,” he declared. I was confused and unnerved, as
he’d said a lot last night, but I concealed my emotions and forced myself to
look at him. I held his gaze as he slowly approached me. When he got to the
bed, he simply stood there, unmoving. I sat up and stared at the wall.
“Just get it over with,” I uttered morosely. “I don’t care anymore.”
“Is that so?” He sat down next to me and slowly laced his right arm around my
waist. His touch was so gentle, it almost tickled.
“I want you to care,” he insisted. “I want you to enjoy everything I do to you.
I want you to stop resisting, even if your protests are only words.” As if to
enforce that statement, he tucked my hair behind my left ear and lightly kissed
my cheek a few times. I felt a slight flutter in my stomach.
“I don’t understand....”
“I am not interested in a private whore. If I only desire physical release, I
can take any woman I want. I can simply curse her so she’ll obey me. You are
not just any woman, Alex Halaway. I told you before: I see tremendous potential
in you. If I ruined that potential by breaking your spirit, both of us would
suffer. I won’t have that.”
“But you threatened to rape me,” I whispered. “How would raping me not break my
spirit? And how do I know you still won’t?” And how do I know you haven’t
already? Why the hell can’t I figure that out??
“Because I know you’ll admit what you want tonight. I see a change in the way
you look at me. The way you talk to me. I know you’ll make the right decision.”
He began massaging my neck with his right hand, then quickly added his left.
Closing my eyes, I let my head drop down. His hands glided down my back and
continued rubbing. He edged closer. As I felt his hot breath on my neck, a
throbbing ache swelled within my core.
Am I actually enjoying this? Was he right yesterday? Yeah, okay, he’s gorgeous
and...THE DARK LORD, for crying out loud, but after what he’s already done to
me, I didn’t think—
My thoughts blurred. He stopped massaging my back after a few minutes, and I
slowly turned my head to look at him.
“Do you see now?” he whispered, cupping the back of my neck.
I didn’t know what to say. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. He
lingered for a moment, gauging my reaction. As I wasn’t fighting him off, he
wrapped his right hand around the back of my head and claimed my mouth again,
coaxing my lips apart with his tongue.
I couldn’t be bothered to think anymore. I could only feel and respond.
He pushed me down onto the mattress and crawled on top of me. Within a minute,
he had torn all my clothes off and made quick work of his own. He rained hard
kisses all over my face and licked my neck as if I’d been doused in caramel. I
reached up to touch him, but he grabbed my wrists and pinned my arms above my
head. He started sucking on my upper right arm, almost gently, but soon he was
biting and sucking forcefully. Tears sprang to my eyes.
“Why...” I whimpered.
“Marking you as mine,” he growled. After releasing my arms, he gripped my face
in his hands and began kissing me aggressively. As I tentatively placed my
hands on his biceps, his hands glided down my sides and wound my legs around
his back.
“Do you want me now?” he asked softly.
Oh god, who the hell am I kidding. “Y—yes....” I whispered.
He smirked. “Tell me exactly what you want.”
My heart pounded. I froze. I couldn’t speak.
“I don’t care that I see it in your mind!” he snapped, louder than was
necessary. “I’ve been seeing it for the past two days. Now, speak the words!!”
“I...want...you to....” I trailed off. How could I say this? Not twenty-four
hours ago, I had been so sure of being desperate for him to stop, and so
determined to prove him wrong. I had cherished my pride more than almost
anything.
“SAY IT!!” he commanded, eyes blazing.
I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, and then forced myself to look up at him.
“Make...love to me...p-please...”
“Good. Girl.” he praised, with a look of pure triumph. The predator had finally
ensnared his prey. His eyes bored into mine as I felt him poised at my
entrance. “You know this may still hurt,” he warned.
Before I could respond, he pushed into me at full speed. I was still very sore
from the previous night, and pain ripped through me at his violent intrusion. I
bit my lip to stifle a scream, and tasted copper. He tugged on my chin and
licked the blood off my lips.
“There was more of that between your gorgeous legs last night,” he taunted.
I bit my lip again as he began thrusting forcefully in and out of me. The pain
was intense, but it dulled after a little while. I moved with him, and bit into
his shoulder as I felt the tension build inside my body.
“Let me hear you scream,” he hissed. “Scream my name when you come.”
He’d let me?!
“T—”
“Yes!” he urged.
“TOM!” I cried as the release flooded out of me. My face burned as I screamed
his name again. And again. And again. He exploded inside me with a colossal
roar, and thrust further until it was over. Completely spent, he collapsed onto
me and nestled his head in the crook of my neck. I felt him smile as I lightly
kissed his shoulder before sinking back into the pillows with a soft moan. I
closed my eyes and exhaled slowly.
“Are you tired?” he asked, kissing me below my ear.
“A bit...I—”
“Well, that’s a shame,” he replied, stroking my hair while smirking down at me.
“Because we’ve barely started. The night is young.”
I sighed as he began placing firm kisses down the side of my neck. This was
going to be a long night.
                                     * * *
A clap of thunder startled me awake the next morning.
Why can’t I move my upper body?
A firm hand stroked my belly. “Morning, beautiful,” Tom murmured slowly. I
realized that he’d kept me wrapped tightly in his arms all night. It felt good.
I smiled, recalling the night’s activities. To hell with resisting—he was
right. Despite everything he had done, I wanted this. I wanted him. Holy
Merlin, I had fallen for the Dark Lord. I had begged him to fuck me. I had
screamed his name and blushed at the sound.
I turned, still in his arms, and kissed his chest.
“I don’t know about you, but that was the most fun I’ve had in quite a while,”
he remarked with a smirk.
“Yeah,” I chuckled. I stretched and turned back around.
He moved closer and began massaging my shoulder. I moaned softly.
“Wait here,” he whispered, and got out of bed. I listened to the rain and
quickly drifted off again.
After a few minutes, I awoke to a chill on my arms. Tom was dressed and sitting
next to me, slowly taking the blankets off my body. I tugged on the fabric,
trying to cover myself again, but to no avail.
“I don’t think so,” he hissed, and yanked the blankets off me completely. I
curled up in a ball.
“Give that back,” I groaned.
He turned me over on my back. “You do not tell me what to do,” he scolded,
though he sounded mildly amused.
“I’m cold.”
“Of course you are. That’s why I brought you this.” He placed a black satin
robe on the bed. “Put this on.”
Shivering, I got out of bed and reached for the robe. I caught him staring at
my body as I dressed, and averted my eyes.
He walked in front of me and pulled me to him. “I’ve noticed how nervous you
become when I...look at you,” he teased with a smirk. “I suggest you get used
to it. It’s practically impossible for me not to stare. You’re an incredibly
gorgeous girl—” He pressed his face close to mine and whispered, “Whether or
not you’re clothed.”
My face burned.
“Even more so, when you blush,” he continued, stroking my cheeks. I closed my
eyes as he licked my neck a few times.
Is this actually happening? Have the last two days been a dream?
“This is real, so get used to it.”
I pressed my lips together and looked away. He grabbed my chin and forced me to
look up at him.
“What a treasure,” he pronounced, refusing to let go of my chin. “A devilish
mind, a beautiful body, and no defenses against Legilimency.” He smiled broadly
and twirled a lock of my hair around his finger. I didn’t know what to say. I
wished I could use Occlumency, and made a mental note to learn as soon as
possible.
“Alex, even if you learn Occlumency, which I’m sure you will, you won’t be able
to block me completely. I have become the most skilled Legilimens in the world,
and there is nothing you can do to dampen that.”
I sighed and nodded.
***** Soon I Know You’ll See, You’re Just Like Me *****
The next two weeks seemed to pass by in two days. In that time, I seemed to be
making up for all the lost years during which I’d always felt like an outsider,
at school and at home. Whenever my family would discuss what was going on in
our world, I would ask a question here or make a comment there, but I’d known
better than to say what I was really thinking.
Now that I was here (wherever “here” was, that is; Tom never told me the exact
location) I didn’t know what to make of all of my new freedom. Not only could I
freely speak my mind for the first time, which was cathartic beyond my wildest
dreams, but I could also perform magic outside of Hogwarts with no fear of
getting caught. The estate’s enchantments were inpenetrable.
Tom and I spent most of our time in either his library or the large circular
room where he’d originally brought me. He had many books on Dark magic, which I
read from every day. There were books on the origins of Dark magic, different
approaches to practicing it, and lists of Dark spells, potions and charms. Some
reminded me of a more twisted version of my schoolbooks, which I liked. This
was all fairly new to me, as my prior exposure to Dark magic had been DADA
classes and the small amount of books I’d tracked down in the Hogwarts library.
At first, I was slightly embarrassed about how little I knew, but Tom had
expected that. He answered my every question without judgment or hesitation.
Sometimes, either before or after practicing my new skills, I would simply sit
on the floor and read through Tom’s books. There never seemed to be enough
information to satisfy my curiosity.
After about a week and a half, I was sitting on the thick, fluffy black rug in
the library, reading another book on Dark magic. (That rug had quickly become
my new favorite place.) I was so engrossed in what I was reading that I started
when I felt a light kiss on my ear. Tom laughed.
“I should do that to you more often,” he said. I shot him a playful glare, and
then returned to my book. He sat down across from me, plucked the book off my
lap, and placed it on the floor.
“Yes?” I asked. I couldn’t help but smile.
He leaned in close and stared me down. He was not smiling. “You want to join my
Death Eaters, don’t you.”
“Yes.”
“I have watched your skills in the Dark Arts improve tremendously since you’ve
been here. I have no doubt that you are fit to become a Death Eater, but first
you must pass an initiation.”
“Okay. What do I have to do?” THIS. THIS is what I’d been hoping for.
“Since you cannot yet perform Side-Along Apparition, I will go to Muggle London
and pick someone out. I will bring the person back here, where you will torture
and kill him. And don’t think about a single Killing Curse—I want to see
creativity. I want to see pure nerve, absolute ruthlessness, and no
hesitation,” he declared, “or the results will be disastrous.” The threatening
look on his face told me all I needed to know.
And we’ll be learning Side-Along Apparition at school in less than a month. If
I’d learned it sooner....
He touched my cheek. “Alex, I will not have your safety compromised. You will
learn when you return to school, but it is not something that can be rushed.
Stop beating yourself up.” He paused. “This will take place tomorrow.”
“Wait...I’m not allowed to use magic outside of school. I still have the Trace
on me. I mean—I know I’ve been doing magic here, but Unforgivable curses—”
“It doesn’t matter. No one knows what goes on at this estate. No one even knows
it exists.”
“How—”
“I have placed enough protection around the property to ensure that no one can
get in unless they are with me.”
“How? What did you do?”
He gave me a vague idea of the charms he had to perform, and my head was
spinning by the time he’d finished. He chuckled at the confused look on my
face. “I have invented and performed countless curses here. If I hadn’t put up
the complex wards that I have, the Ministry may very well have found me. They
have not.”
I nodded. “Wow. That’s—that’s impressive.”
“Thank you.”
“Have any of the Death Eaters been here?”
“None. As I said, no one else but you knows that this estate even exists.
Though they do my bidding, I do not trust them implicitly. I trust no one.”
“Neither do I.”
“A wise choice.”
“Yeah. I’m...flattered that you decided to bring me here.”
“You didn’t seem so flattered the day you arrived,” he chuckled. “You were
terrified for your life.”
Thank you for reminding me...!
He scooted closer to me, a maniacal grin on his face. “It was my pleasure,
darling!”
I sighed and looked away.
He edged closer still, until our knees were touching. “You’re adorable when
you’re frustrated. You show me how much power I have over you.”
I figured that anything I said would either infuriate him or egg him on, so I
remained silent and looked at the floor. I was stewing and he knew it.
He coaxed my chin up. “Save your energy. Tomorrow you’ll show me what you’re
capable of.”
I nodded. “You won’t be disappointed.”
“I’d better not be.”
                                     * * *
We returned to the circular room early the next day. I was both excited and
nervous, but let no emotion show on my face. I had been waiting for a moment
like this for years, and it was finally here.
“I should be back within the half hour,” Tom said. “Wait right here.”
I nodded.
The time seemed to drag by; I paced around the room for about five minutes
before I realized that I should probably remain roughly in the same place until
Tom returned. Sighing, I sat down on the floor and drummed my fingers on my
knees until I heard a pop.
Tom stood in the middle of the room, gripping a young man by the back of his
shirt. The man yelped as Tom threw him to the ground, and screamed as his knees
cracked on the stone. Tom smirked, then looked up at me. “Do what you must,” he
commanded, holding me with a piercing stare.
I drew my wand and walked over to the man trembling on the floor. He was lying
on his side, clutching his knees. I chuckled and said, “Well, hello there, you
worthless piece of vermin! How are you feeling today?”
“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? HOW DID I GET H—”
I kicked him in the ribs. “You do NOT talk back to me, you filthy Muggle!” I
growled.
“What’s a Mu—”
“CRUCIO!”
The man screamed as his body jerked violently back and forth. I lifted the
curse after about a minute.
“I told you not to talk back to me,” I warned. “You serve no purpose. You will
respect me.”
“I have a wife! She’s pregnant with our first child! How can you—”
I kicked him in the side. “That’s nice. Do you think I care? The world is
overpopulated anyway.”
“WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? I’LL DO ANYTHING...JUST...LET ME GO!”
“PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!” I shouted. The man went rigid and fell to the floor. I
sauntered over to him and leaned over his face. “I want you to die,” I answered
playfully, enunciating each word slowly and carefully. I lifted the curse and
said, “Aguamenti.” Water shot out of my wand and doused the man completely.
When he tried to hold himself up on his side, I pointed my wand at his knees
and shouted, “SECTUMSEMPRA!” His knees began bleeding profusely, and he
collapsed back onto the ground. His eyes were streaming as he gasped for
breath.
“Not nearly good enough,” I muttered. I pointed my wand at his stomach and
yelled, “Sectumsempra!” several more times, until the man was lying in a pool
of his own blood. He tried to turn over as he began coughing it up, and I shook
my head. “Uh-uh. You’re already making too much of a mess. LANGLOCK!”
His mouth snapped shut, and he continued convulsing as his breathing began to
falter. I reversed the spell and allowed him to attempt to sit up while he
vomited and coughed up more blood—I wanted him to believe that he actually had
a shot of getting out of here alive. Twirling my wand, I waited patiently for
him to finish spewing projectiles all over the floor before I began to prance
around him, humming cheerfully.
“What—where are you—what are you doing? What the...fuck is wrong with...you?”
he croaked, twisting his head around to keep me in his line of sight. I
unfastened my robe and removed it slowly, as if I were performing a striptease.
The man looked at me like he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be frightened or
aroused. Tom appeared ready to protest, but thought better of it, as he
understood that this must be part of my show. It was hard not to laugh at his
dumbfounded expression. Yeahhh, like I’d actually fuck this pathetic excuse for
a man, bloody or otherwise, I thought. Have no fear.
After walking back over to my victim, I raised my robe with both hands and
began waving it over his body, making sure the fabric fluttered over his skin
enough to tickle him. He winced.
“What is that? No, stop it! STOP it! What are you—”
“Shhhhh,” I whispered. “It’s okay! Don’t worry! Everything’s going to be fine!”
After draping my robe over my shoulder, I pointed my wand at the man’s wrists
and said, “Incarcerous.” Ropes bound his wrists together and attached
themselves to the floor to render his arms immobile. He screamed as I repeated
the process for his ankles before calmly draping my robe over his torso.
“Get that off of me! What—stop! STOP!!” He shouted as I straddled his waist.
“It’s just to contain the mess, that’s all! And it’ll keep you warm from all
that blood loss. There’s nothing to worry about!” I cooed. (Really, it was so
that I wouldn’t have to sit in vomit. But I didn’t need to tell him that.) I
stared into his horror-stricken face, daring him to look away. He couldn’t. The
gradual changes in his facial expression fascinated me—eyes widened in shock,
then narrowed in defiance, and then widened again in sheer terror. Jawline set,
and then softening to a panicked tremble. Teeth clenched, and then chattering.
In a lightning-quick movement, I grabbed his hair and forced his head down
against the floor. His shrieks filled the air as I traced the tip of my wand
across his eyelids to detach them from his face. I held the flaps of skin in
front of him for a moment, using them to both break him mentally and tickle his
cheeks, and then dropped them into his screeching mouth. I repeatedly slammed
his jaw shut and forced him to masticate on his ruined flesh. He resisted
pitifully, but lacked the strength to throw my hands off his face.
“Swallow, or you die right now, choking on your own fucking skin. SWALLOW IT!”
I bellowed. “And if you puke it up, you’re gonna eat that, too. SWALLOW IT!!
NOW!!”
The man did everything he could to avoid obeying me until I growled, “Do you
want me to charm your mouth shut again?? Do you want to die with your eyelids
in your throat?!”
He reluctantly complied. I could almost see his heart breaking.
What a delightfully vivid image. Maybe I’ll have to paint a picture of that
later. Hmm...oil or acrylic? Ugh, can’t think about that now. I can’t get
distracted.
After he finally swallowed his eyelids, I charmed the tip of my wand to become
a scalpel, which I used to cut a sliver of skin off the man’s cheek. I thought
he was already screaming as loudly as he could until I placed the bloody strip
of flesh on top of his left eyeball, skin side down. At that point, he began
shrieking so piercingly, I cast Langlock again just to reduce the volume. There
would be hell to pay if this creature damaged my hearing.
He jerked his head this way and that, trying to remove the skin from his eye,
but it was stuck. The flesh had created too much suction to be moved by head-
shaking, but I pressed it hard against his pupil for good measure. Once that
was done, I pointed my wand at the ropes binding the man’s wrists and slowly
drew them forward, so his arms were pointing toward the ceiling on an incline.
I needed him to see his arms for what I was about to do.
By this time, I supposed I should have felt some semblance of guilt or disgust
at my behavior. I was robbing a young woman of her husband. I was forcing an
unborn child to grow up with no father. I should have been ashamed of myself. I
should have felt a bitter revulsion or sadness for having turned out in such a
way that I craved this destruction, but all I felt was adrenaline and
determination. I was in my element. This was not the result of some small,
broken part of myself that needed fixing to meld with an otherwise acceptable
personality—this was my personality. I’d hidden my true nature so well for so
many years, letting it build up behind a wall of sickly-sweet politeness and
near-perfect academics, and the dam had suddenly burst. It wouldn’t stop. I
couldn’t stop. I was doing that which I’d only fantasized about doing since I
was a little girl, thinking I could never even tell anyone about these violent
urges, much less act on them with no fear of retribution.
I smirked at the hilarity of my situation while I lightly traced a line from
the man’s left wrist to his shoulder with my index finger, before retracing
that line with my sharpened wand. The man had no choice but to watch me peel
strip after strip of flesh off his arm, which I draped across his forehead
until there was no more room. I removed one more length of skin after that,
which I held in between my thumb and index finger like a ribbon that I tapped
in a macabre dance all over his face. Just to make him squirm some more.
I buried the dead skin in the man’s hair and made several gashes in his arm
muscle with my wand. Blood began spraying all over me, but I didn’t care. I
needed this. I needed more. I growled low in my throat while digging the blade
of my wand into the man’s arm forcefully enough to detach muscle from bone. I
reached into his arm with my left hand and yanked the severed bicep free,
shivering in delight at the loud, suctioning resistance of the ropey tissue
stretching and stretching to stay attached to its tendons before finally
springing loose. I watched it jerk and shake in my hand with an almost
childlike curiosity, and then rubbed the muscle all over the man’s intact arm.
It made me giggle. When the novelty wore off, I threw the quivering bicep
against the wall, where it splattered and finally lay still.
My victim had screamed himself hoarse by this time, and had no voice left. I
felt the jerky vibrations of his body as it tried to go through the motions of
screaming, but the only sound that emerged was a harsh rattle. I imagined a
violently-aborted fetus getting its spine broken by a sadistic doctor. But this
was not a fetus—this was a grown man who, until moments earlier, had the
ability to shout whenever he wanted. But he couldn’t scream anymore.
And he never would scream again.
I pointed my wand at his jugular and watched him make one last feeble attempt
at escaping my clutches.
“SECTUMSEMPRA!” I shouted, and threw my face forward to catch the jet of blood
that fountained from the angry gash in the man’s throat. The warm liquid bathed
my face and dripped down my neck and onto my breasts. When the red stream
finally died down, I sat up and smoothed my soaked hands over my hair and down
my throat. I threw my head back and sighed, almost erotically, savoring the
feeling of my victim convulsing as he bled out.
After rubbing my eyes, I saw Tom strolling into my periphery. I ignored him. I
kept my attention on the trembling mass of worthlessness in front of me until
it stopped moving.
I stared down at my handiwork, grinning triumphantly, and then stood up to kick
the corpse as hard as I could. The dead man landed on his side about three feet
away. Just for good measure, I walked over and stomped on the side of his head.
I heard a loud crack and grinned. I’d done it.
I turned around to see Tom smirking and clapping slowly. “Well done,” he
praised. “That was quite an enjoyable performance.”
“Thank you.” I smiled broadly and curtsied. “I’m glad you approve.”
“I more than approve, my little vixen,” he replied, and kissed me soundly.
“You’ll kiss me with a dead Muggle’s blood all over my face. Really?” I chided
with a giggle. “Really?”
“Just this once,” he murmured before casting a cleansing spell on me and
pulling me close. “You will receive the Mark tomorrow night.”
***** All Your Hands on Me *****
Chapter Notes
     Initially, the whole point of this chapter was simply a shoutout to
     my friends in the Harry Potter roleplay group (see bio). I expanded
     on it and kept it in the story purely for my own amusement. (Also, I
     never miss an opportunity to make fun of Lucius Malfoy.) I trust that
     you will find it entertaining as well!
The next day, I awoke feeling Tom’s fingers on my cheek. I started a bit, but
he massaged my arm and I relaxed.
“Today is the day,” he whispered.
I smiled as he brushed the hair off my shoulder and kissed my neck, before
climbing on top of me and squeezing my breasts. I gasped as he wrapped my legs
around his back and slid into me. As he thrust forcefully, I scratched my nails
down his back. He growled in response and bit my neck.
“I can’t get enough of you,” he murmured.
Though I was enjoying him, as always, my mind was already far away, eagerly
anticipating the day ahead.
                                     * * *
After dinner that night, he led me to the front hall and faced me.
“You’re ready now,” he declared, eyes blazing.
“Yes.”
“All right then,” he said, tightly hooking an arm around my waist. “We’re
leaving.”
As I felt the world start to spin, my stomach flipped like it had done two
weeks prior—only this time, it was from nervous excitement, not fear and
dizziness.
We landed in a dark hallway. Tom rested his hand on my back and led me toward a
small door about thirty feet away. I followed him into the large, spacious
room, where he turned to face me.
“I will now summon my Death Eaters,” he said. “When they arrive, they will form
a circle around me. You will remain where you are until I call you forward.”
I nodded.
Tom walked to the center of the room and touched the tip of his wand to his
left forearm. Within seconds, about fifty masked, hooded figures appeared in a
circle around him. I took a slow, deep breath; I knew I needed to make a good
first impression by remaining calm.
“You are here to witness an initiation,” he announced, regarding his followers.
He then faced me and said, “Alex Halaway, step forward.”
I walked to the center of the room and faced Tom.
“You have passed your test,” he stated. “Are you fully ready to become a Death
Eater?”
“Yes, my Lord.”
“Will you obey my every command without hesitation?”
“Yes, my Lord.”
“Kneel before me,” he commanded, while firmly gripping my left wrist.
I slowly dropped to my knees, refusing to break eye contact with him. I felt a
searing pain as the Dark Mark formed on my forearm, but I (mostly) concealed my
discomfort with a mask of indifference. When the burn subsided, Tom let go of
my wrist and motioned for me to stand.
“Welcome,” he praised, with a hint of a smile. Everyone removed their masks.
Tom turned back to me and motioned for me to go and talk to the other Death
Eaters. Taking a deep breath, I walked over to a group of four young women and
said hello.
One of them stepped forward. “Hello, I’m Lulu,” she said, while shaking my
hand. “I was initiated last year, right after I finished at Hogwarts. My
parents are over there.” She gestured to a tall, very attractive middle-aged
couple, who were deep in conversation with a few other Death Eaters. Lulu
seemed proud to be following in her parents’ footsteps. “They work at the
Ministry,” she continued. I’ve been doing an internship in the Department of
Mysteries for a few months, and expect I’ll be hired soon.” I wished her luck.
The other three were Sheena, Margo, and Sofia. Margo was Lucius Malfoy’s second
cousin who worked with him at the Ministry, and Sheena and Sofia had been her
two best friends at school. They had also been plucked from the pack of fresh
Hogwarts graduates over the past few years, so I figured I would interact more
with them than the older Death Eaters. I liked that they were all former
Slytherins and didn’t care that I was American. They asked me normal
questions—such as how I liked Hogwarts, if the school had changed at all since
they’d been there, and what my plans were after graduation. Deliberately
omitting the thrills of my winter break thus far, I told them that I wanted to
learn as much as I could about Dark magic and become highly skilled in the Dark
Arts. We were all in the same boat, in that regard.
After a little while, Sheena randomly changed the subject to her four cats and
started gushing about them. Sofia laughed at the look I gave Sheena; this woman
was more of a chatterbox than some of my younger Housemates! Sheena seemed
twisted enough to be a Death Eater, but she was definitely more off-kilter than
anyone else in the room. I wondered what Tom thought of her personality, or if
he even cared. I figured that if she served his cause well enough, her
personality wouldn’t matter too much.
Margo nudged me and said, “You’ll get used to it. She’s always talking about
her cats...or something feline-related.” We all laughed at that comment—even
Sheena, who seemed to bask in her weirdness. It was oddly amusing. Margo then
used that as a segue to discuss her pet falcon, aptly named Falcon, who
apparently didn’t like Lucius too much and took great pleasure in swooping
around dramatically whenever Margo let him out of his enclosure. I laughed
heartily at her story of Falcon nipping Lucius on the shoulder one time when
she and Tom were at Malfoy Manor to discuss their latest plans for the
Ministry. This embarrassed Lucius to no end because there he was, distinguished
Dark wizard in his fancy home, trying to appear regal and sophisticated after
being bitten by a gigantic bird and yelping like a small child! I pictured the
scene a lot more easily than Lucius would probably have preferred. And I
resolved to never mention it in his presence.
I eventually got around to meeting some of the others, including Lucius. I had
a very interesting conversation with him and Bellatrix Lestrange about Azkaban,
and how Bellatrix had escaped. I was glad to hear that even though Lucius
hadn’t escaped, he’d managed to sit through his sentence and had slowly begun
rebuilding his reputation in the Wizarding community. He also mentioned that
his son, Draco, had turned out to be a complete and utter disappointment. He
had been initiated as a Death Eater several years ago, when he was my age, but
then broke down under the pressure and ran away from home. He didn’t even
finish his education. Lucius hadn’t heard from his disgraced son in over a
decade, and had made no attempt to locate him. He informed me that everyone had
begun hearing rumors recently about Draco taking what was dubbed “the Snape
route”—joining the Order of the Phoenix for refuge from his obligations to the
Dark Lord—but no one knew for sure if this was true. None of the Death Eaters
felt threatened by this, as Draco clearly had no spine whatsoever, regardless
of which side he took in Wizarding politics. Apparently, even Tom hadn’t really
bothered trying to find him—after a few weeks of searching, he’d told Lucius
that Draco wasn’t worth the energy. He figured that the poor kid would be
tortured enough by living in terror, constantly looking over his shoulder to
make sure he wasn’t being followed. Some might consider that a fate worse than
death. I secretly wished to take a crack at him. He wouldn’t last ten minutes
under my wand.
Bellatrix was a bit standoffish at first, and told me after Lucius walked away
that she typically didn’t associate with the younger Death Eaters; yet I got
the sense that she and I would be talking a lot more in the future—after she’d
finished eyeing me up suspiciously and realized that we were actually on the
same page. She said that I reminded her a lot of herself when she was younger.
She reminisced about her antics as a Hogwarts student many years ago, including
her initiation as a Death Eater while a fanatical, overly-enthusiastic
seventeen-year-old. She appeared to have calmed down a bit since then, but I
could tell that there was still some dangerous, unstable force boiling under
the surface, ready to explode at any moment. She was definitely like me in that
regard. I told her some stories of my own Hogwarts escapades, which highly
amused her. I realized I liked her a lot. The feeling seemed to be mutual.
After we’d been talking for about ten minutes, she suddenly frowned, grabbed my
wrist and pulled me aside.
“What’s going on?” I asked. My eyes narrowed.
She frowned again. “I just saw the Dark Lord looking at you.” Her lip twitched.
“He was looking at you...the way he used to look at me.”
I blinked. “Are you sure he was looking at me?”
“Positive. When I caught him looking over here, he didn’t even take notice of
me.”
Not knowing what to say, I simply cocked my head to the side.
“Oh, come now. Don’t pretend to be ignorant.”
“What are you talking about?” I found it difficult to not raise my voice.
If she was going to start something, I had to make sure I didn’t strike first
and face backlash for being that confrontational new girl. I would duel her if
I had to, but I wouldn’t start it; only finish it. (Well...more than likely,
Tom would finish it. But I hoped it wouldn’t come to that. I didn’t want that
kind of attention.) This was different from all the standoffs I’d gotten into
at Hogwarts—this was my life’s work. First impressions mattered more than ego.
I forced my face to soften as I regarded Bellatrix.
She sighed and leaned forward slightly. “The Dark Lord and I...had a fling of
sorts, before he disappeared.” She smirked. “It lasted quite a while, actually,
and then...he suddenly lost interest. I hoped he would still want me after he
returned, but he didn’t. I don’t know if it was because he’d somehow regained
his younger body, or something else, but that...that...was it....” She
definitely sounded resentful. And she definitely wasn’t over him.
I didn’t know what to say. I opened my mouth to respond, and she waved me off.
“I don’t expect you to understand, Alex. I just—well, I recognize the way he
just looked at you. It was very possessive.” She paused, and then her eyes
narrowed. “How did you meet him, anyway?”
Oh, fuck.
“I—”
She knew. God damn it, why didn’t I think of a cover story beforehand?
She glared at me and scoffed, “Oh, go on. You may as well go over and find out
what he wants.” Before I could reply, she turned around with a huff and marched
away.
Fuck. Fuck me and fuck me twice.
Suddenly, I heard a considerable amount of groaning from my left; I turned my
head and noticed an unexpected abundance of pink glitter than had definitely
not been there before. I hesitated, and then cautiously approached the scene,
where I saw a grinning young Death Eater whose robes were coated in pink
glitter. (I noted that she had also applied way too much to her face.) She
didn’t seem to care that she’d also managed to cover about six surrounding
Death Eaters with the glitter. In fact, it appeared that she had bewitched the
glitter so that only she could remove it from their robes—and heads. My eyes
bulged at the sight.
The glittery Death Eater looked over at me. “Hi, there!” she said
enthusiastically. “You’re the new girl! Alex, right? I’m Chicky, but some
people call me the Pink Glitter Demon. Nice to meet you!”
“Uh...hi?” I didn’t know how else to respond.
Chicky grinned. “I love when a new Death Eater is initiated, because then I
have an excuse to do this!” She suddenly pointed her wand at me and excitedly
shouted an incantation that would spew pink glitter all over me, but I drew my
wand and yelled, “PROTEGO!”
The surge of glitter hit my invisible shield and slid onto the floor. I pointed
my wand at it and muttered, “Evanesco.” The glitter disappeared.
Tapping the tip of my wand against my left palm, I smirked at Chicky and said,
“Nice try.” She raised her eyebrows at me, but was still grinning.
Did she ever not smile?
All of the others had slowly gathered around the scene, whispering to each
other. I whirled around, shocked to see them all watching from about five feet
away. I was mortified.
I wasn’t trying to get attention; I just didn’t want to be covered in glitter!
Merlin, I don’t even want to know what they’re all thinking right now. I hope I
don’t look like a suck-up.
Sheena gave me a thumbs-up, and Bellatrix rolled her eyes. I felt virtual
butterflies rapidly spawning in my stomach.
Suddenly, everyone fell silent. Tom walked briskly over to Chicky, looking
quite angry. He roughly grabbed her arm. “This is the fifth time you have
subjected a new Death Eater to your so-called ‘orientation,’ and I don’t
believe that Alex appreciated it!” he snapped.
Chicky looked down at the floor, ashamed. “I—I’m sorry, my Lord,” she murmured.
He grabbed her chin, forced her head up, and sneered. “Apologize to her!” he
commanded, pointing directly at me. Everyone’s eyes followed. I closed my eyes,
feeling my face burn.
The world’s most evil and feared wizard had just defended me in front of all of
his followers. I knew I should’ve been flattered, but I was too embarrassed to
appreciate the compliment. I wanted to leave.
“I’m...sorry, Alex....” Chicky looked at me with terror in her eyes. “I wasn’t
trying to—”
“Chicky, relax,” I said, cutting her off. “You were just having a good time
and...got a bit out of control.” I covered my mouth and stifled a laugh. She
heaved a huge sigh of relief, and Tom released her arm. A hush fell over the
room.
He strode over to me about a minute later and said, “I believe we’ve had
enough.”
I nodded.
Raising his voice so everyone could hear, he called out, “You are all
dismissed.”
I briefly considered going back to school just as the last Death Eaters
Disapparated. Tom grabbed my arm not two seconds later.
“And just where do you think you’re going?” he demanded.
I averted my eyes.
"Alex, I told you that you were staying with me for the duration of your winter
break. You are not leaving early."
“I’m sorry, it was just—it was just a fleeting thought. I wasn’t actually going
to—”
“I know. Because I wouldn’t have let you.”
Fuck. I’m in trouble.
He chuckled humorlessly. “Not this time. But do not do that again, or you will
be.”
Merlin, I have to police my thoughts. This is insane.
“If you truly want to master Occlumency one day, and that wasn’t just a
fleeting thought, you cannot slip. Learning to control your thoughts is the
first step.”
“So...will you be teaching me Occlumency?”
He chuckled again. “Not right now. You’re nowhere near ready.”
“Oh—okay. I—”
“Occlumency lesson would do you no good at this stage. I will know when you’re
ready.”
“How?”
“I will tell you. And no, I cannot give you a timeframe, so do not ask. The
task cannot be rushed. It depends on how quickly you grasp other concepts I
plan to teach you beforehand.”
I sighed, deflated. I didn’t want studying Occlumency to be some far-off event
that would elude me for an unknown length of time; I wanted a goal. I wanted to
be able to count down weeks or months, and all I had was a “someday” far off in
the future. My eyes dropped to the floor.
“I may have developed a certain...fondness for you,” he continued, “but that
does not mean I will pay you lip service. That would serve no purpose. I will
not be lenient in anything I teach you—patient, yes, but not lenient. Though I
am confident that you will grasp every skill I teach you, I will not go easy on
you just because I find you attractive. Mastery never results from coddling.”
He stared me down for added emphasis. We then Apparated back to his estate.
***** I Can’t Scream *****
As soon as we landed, Tom pulled me close.
“Bellatrix told you, didn’t she.”
I looked down at my feet. Tom lifted my chin with a smirk. “She envies you, you
know.”
“I figured as much. I mean, she definitely has her suspicions, but I didn’t
tell her about—” How do I word this?
“About the fact that you’re mine?”
Well, all right...if you want to put it that way.... I nodded slightly.
Slipping behind me, he snaked his arms around my waist. I sighed as he kissed
the nape of my neck.
“Are you nervous?” he asked softly.
“A-about what?”
“Just like I told you when I brought you here: you are mine,” he hissed. “You
belong to me. Does that make you nervous? Hearing me say it?”
“I—”
“Of course it does,” he chuckled.
I didn’t know what to say.
“Tell me you understand,” he commanded softly. “Tell me you’re mine.”
“I’m...I’m yours....” I felt like a mouse in the coils of a boa.
“You certainly are.” He tightened his grip on me. “And I don’t care if
Bellatrix knows that. Her job is to serve me, not judge who I bed.”
I didn’t dare try to shift or escape from his hold. After holding me this way
for a little while, nibbling on my neck, he led me over to the living room
couch and motioned for me to sit.
“I saw the way Bellatrix pulled you aside,” he remarked, after sitting down
next to me. “What made her do that?”
“She said that she saw you looking at me, and—it was the same way you used to
look at her. I mean, I wouldn’t know, but—”
“She’s probably right; although, I was never terribly possessive of her. She
thinks I was, but I wasn’t. I was attracted to her physically, but I didn’t
really—” he trailed off, suddenly appearing unsure of how to verbalize his
thoughts.
“You did care about her, didn’t you,” I filled in, looking at him searchingly.
“At least a little bit. You must have felt something.”
He looked at me like he was about to hex me into insanity. I scooted away from
him without thinking. He reached forward and gripped my chin, shaking his head
slowly and pressing his lips together.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
His face remained very stern, more so when he suddenly reached out and roughly
grabbed my robe to pull me back to him. Opening his legs to pull me closer, he
pressed my back against his chest while snaking his arms around my waist to
hold me still. He rested his chin on the top of my head.
After a long, awkward silence, I was still curious. “I hope you don’t mind me
asking, but why did you stop seeing her?”
He gave a low chuckle, and squeezed my shoulder. “Why do you think?”
I’m not even going to try and figure that one out. “Okay, let me rephrase that.
When did you stop seeing her?”
“About a year ago.”
“How come?”
I glanced up at him and saw that even as he toyed with my hair, all the mirth
had left his face. “I saw you.”
My eyes widened. “How did you...find out that I existed?”
“Now is not the time nor the place for me to tell you,” he replied. The smirk
had returned.
“Oh, come on.”
He shook his head. “Not yet. You will wait.”
I sighed loudly and looked back at my lap.
“Be patient,” he whispered, and kissed my ear.
I bit my lip as I remembered my lack of a cover story for how I was able to
become a Death Eater.
“I felt really silly when Bellatrix asked me how I’d met you,” I confessed.
“Why?” Tom asked, sounding like my concerns were completely unfounded. “I just
told you I don’t care if she knows. She can’t do anything about it. If she
started telling the others to try and paint you in a bad light, or did anything
else to attempt to put you in danger, she’d have to deal with me. I have no
qualms about punishing her.”
“I know, and I appreciate that; I just felt careless for assuming that none of
the Death Eaters would even consider whether you and I would—”
“You’re being paranoid again, sweetheart,” he scolded. “Stop it.” He tilted my
chin back so my head would rest on his shoulder and he could look directly at
me. I saw a hint of amusement in his eyes, but his expression was extremely
firm. As no one had called me an affectionate name like sweetheart since I was
a little kid, hearing it now felt strange, especially coming from Tom—he didn’t
seem the type to ever use a word like that. But there was nothing soothing in
his voice. He was disappointed in me and wanted me to know it.
He held my gaze for a moment to drive the point home. I dropped my eyes, once
again feeling uncomfortable under his intense stare. When he lifted my head
back up, his lips were turned slightly upward. “That was an interesting little
altercation you had with Chicky,” he teased, and softly kissed me.
Realizing that he was no longer angry, I immediately relaxed. “Is she always
like that?” I asked.
“Yes,” he chuckled. “To her credit, she did ask my permission before subjecting
my new recruits to her glitter surges. She waited about a year, after I had
sussed her out and realized that she could be trusted. She and Sheena have
actually become great friends since then—she was the first new Death Eater to
be showered in pink glitter, and she was absolutely delighted. It was quite a
sight. I suppose their strangeness calls to one another.”
“I’m sure! Sheena with her cats, and Chicky with her glitter. I wonder if
Sheena’s cats have ever...sparkled around Chicky.” The mental image of four
glittery cats following Sheena around made me laugh.
“They probably have. She may or may not have noticed that whenever she pulls
another stunt with the glitter, I simply stand back and watch,” Tom continued.
“I find it highly amusing that some of my followers often act a lot more
dignified than they really are, and it becomes even harder for them to continue
posturing while covered in pink glitter that they are rendered incapable of
removing. Especially since they know I’m watching. It’s been an interesting
little social experiment.”
“So then why were you so furious with her for doing it to me? If she’s done it
to others, and you don’t care—”
“Because you’re not the others. You’re special. And you must be treated as
such,” he replied firmly. “I will not have you subjected to such treatment, no
matter how much the others enjoy her eccentric behavior.”
I was stunned.
“Do you want them to know that we—”
“No. Not yet. But I don’t want them disrespecting you, either, even as a well-
meaning joke. They may suspect that you are more to me than a follower,
especially after your conversation with Bellatrix, but they won’t know for sure
before I decide to tell them. They can whisper amongst themselves about you
being Lord Voldemort's pet all they want, but trust me—they will never say
anything of the sort around me. Until I do tell them that you belong to me, I
will simply treat you a little differently in their presence. They will quickly
realize that they cannot trifle with you—if they haven’t figured that out
already, of course. You defend yourself just fine.”
“That’s why you scolded Chicky for trying to spray me with glitter, when you
let her do it to other new Death Eaters.”
“Exactly. Although, as angry as I was with Chicky for targeting you, I found
your reaction to her antics highly entertaining. No one has ever thwarted her
before. I must say, your reflexes are quite good.”
I couldn’t help but feel proud.
While on the thread of recalling humorous events from my initiation, I muffled
a giggle as I recalled my conversation with Margo. Tom raised his eyebrows.
“What did Margo Malfoy say that made you laugh so hard?” he asked.
“She told me about that time Falcon bit Lucius in front of you,” I replied.
“Ah, yes, her ornery pet,” he snickered, and finally relaxed his hold on me. “I
never understood her desire for a bird of that size, but grandeur does seem to
run in the Malfoy family. Especially when it comes to birds. Lucius and
Narcissa have white peacocks strutting about on their front lawn.”
“That doesn’t surprise me. Just from talking to Margo and Lucius—”
“You should have seen his father. He was one of my first Death Eaters. I was at
Hogwarts with him—”
“Oh my god, are you serious?” I laughed. “What was that like?”
Tom paused and his expression gradually hardened—he was clearly recalling a
flood of intense memories. “Another time,” he finally answered.
I knew better than to argue. He would tell me when he was ready.
                                     * * *
That night, I sat cross-legged on the bed, brooding. Though Tom sat right
behind me, massaging my shoulders, I remained still.
I was returning to school the next day, and neither of us were exactly thrilled
about that.
“I don’t want to go back,” I said, after a long period of silence.
“I know, but you must. It is imperative that you finish your education.”
I turned to face him. “Maybe you could teach me,” I offered with a coy smile.
Tom chuckled and shook his head. “I certainly could—and I certainly will, once
you’ve finished at Hogwarts—but that doesn’t matter. There is no need for us to
arouse suspicion regarding your whereabouts when you haven’t even taken your
last exams.”
I sighed.
“You’re almost done,” he encouraged. “Your formal schooling will be over before
you know it, and I have much to teach you after you graduate.”
“I can’t wait.”
“Neither can I. From what I’ve already seen these past two weeks, you are an
exemplary pupil and an absolute pleasure to teach.”
I blushed. Especially given his emphasis on the word pleasure.
He regarded me for a moment, smirking at impact of his words. “Either way,” he
continued, “we still have one more night until you return to school. I will
make sure neither of us will ever forget it.”
Before I could respond, he pushed me down onto the mattress and fiercely kissed
me. He slid down my body and began to slowly remove my clothes. I silently
willed him to pick up the pace, but he didn’t. After stripping me down to my
underwear, he crawled back onto me and placed light kisses along my jaw line.
“Tom, faster....” I moaned.
“No,” he whispered. “We have all night. What’s the rush? Do you have somewhere
to go?”
I moaned again as he bit my neck, reached around and unhooked my bra. He must
have taken fifteen seconds to fully remove it, before tossing it on the floor.
He then dipped his head down and began lapping at my nipples. I grasped the
blanket in both fists, writhing as he moved lower and started biting my lower
belly. Coaxing my legs apart, he hooked a finger under my panties and lightly
traced the skin underneath. I was about to reach down when he suddenly ripped
the fabric to tatters. Spreading my legs wider, he slid three fingers inside me
and began pumping furiously. I found it increasingly difficult to breathe as he
continued. He added a fourth finger, and I screamed.
A few minutes later, he removed his fingers from my body and licked them clean.
He then got out of bed and slowly began to undress. I squeezed my legs together
as I watched him, unable to tear my eyes away. The sight was absolutely
breathtaking.
“Do you like what you see?” he asked, climbing back on top of me.
“I love what I see,” I whispered. I kissed his neck and held him tightly as he
wrapped my legs around his back.
“I swear to you, I will never tire of this,” he said gruffly, before plunging
into me.
                                     * * *
It was one of those nights where it seemed as if I’d only blinked, and the sun
was already up. My all-too-brief slumber was ended when I heard a distant voice
saying, “Wake up, Alex.”
I groaned and turned over on my side, so that my face was almost inside the
pillow.
“You’re going back to school today.”
Those were the words I had been dreading, but I knew they were inevitable.
The next eight hours went by way too quickly, seemingly in the time it would
take to walk from the Slytherin common room to the Great Hall. I barely said a
word all day.
Tom offered, but I didn’t want dinner that night. I just sat in the dining room
as the sun set, looking down at my lap, until I felt Tom touch my shoulder. He
took my hand as I stood up.
“You are not to tell anyone,” he ordered sternly, pulling up my left sleeve and
gently squeezing my forearm.
“About this?” I asked, glancing down at my Dark Mark.
“About anything from the past two weeks,” he replied, rolling my sleeve back
down. Snaking his arms around my waist, he leaned in and murmured, “This is
between you and me.”
“I understand,” I replied, looking him squarely in the eyes while wrapping my
arms around his neck.
There was a short pause where we just stood there like that, until he violently
pulled me to him and kissed me as if he would never see me again.
When he finally released me, he let one hand rest on my shoulder as he said,
“This is only the beginning.” I gave him a quizzical look, but he refused to
explain.
“I have momentarily lifted the anti-Apparition wards for you," he continued. "I
cannot keep you here any longer. Go.”
So he wasn’t lying about those. Interesting.
That was the last thing he said to me before I Apparated back to Hogsmeade, but
what resonated in my mind was, “This is only the beginning...this is only the
beginning....”
                                     * * *
Not wanting to be late for the feast, I dashed back to the castle as fast as I
could. I decided to freshen up in my dormitory before going to the Great
Hall—also, I just needed a few minutes alone. As I entered the Slytherin common
room, I bumped into one of my Housemates who was leaving they boys’ dormitory.
“Hey, Alex!” he said. “Why are you going to your dorm? The feast is—”
“I need to get something,” I lied, and hurried down the staircase, away from
any more people and any more questions.
Thankfully, there was no one else in either the common room or the girls’
dormitory. I made a beeline for my bed and smiled. After drawing the curtains,
I collapsed onto the mattress. I suddenly realized how much I’d missed this
place. The sights, the smells, the sounds...everything. I smiled and relished
the feeling of familiarity. I only intended to lie there for a minute or two,
but that wasn’t what ended up happening.
I realized that I’d slept through the feast when I was startled awake by a
sudden burst of chatter from familiar voices. I ignored the girls until I heard
one of them say, “Hey, have you guys seen Alex? She wasn’t at the feast.”
I opened my mouth, about to say, “The Dark Lord kidnapped her,” but I figured
that I’d be digging a very deep hole for myself. Instead, I settled with,
“She’s being held hostage by the Gryffindorks.” This was received with plenty
of laughter. I breathed a small sigh of relief.
I jumped as somebody jerked the curtains open and smirked at me.
“Amy, what the fuck?!” I groaned, covering my eyes with my hand.
“I want to know where you’ve been!” Amy demanded.
“What do you mean? During the feast? I was right h—”
“Well that’s pretty obvious,” Monica cut in. “She’s talking about winter break.
You told us you were staying here. None of us saw you when we got back.”
I froze.
“Yeah, seems you just up and left,” remarked Ashlee. “You got a secret
boyfriend or something that we don’t know about?”
I felt my face flush as if I had a high fever, and I tried to cover it by
turning over and laughing. This is bad....
“Oooohhhh, who is it? Come on, you know you want to tell us!” Sarah teased.
Quickly pulling myself together, I sat up, took a deep breath, and said, “Guys,
I don’t have a secret boyfriend. I was just—I was at my aunt’s house. There was
a family emergency.”
Where the hell did THAT come from? And why didn’t I bother to think about
explaining my absence before returning? As if I hadn’t been caught off-guard
enough by Bellatrix yesterday. Clearly, my planning skills are not what they
normally are....
“Really,” Jess drawled suspiciously.
“Yes, really!” I shot back, standing up.
“Well then, I’ll just owl your aunt right now and find out if you’re telling
the truth,” Leah taunted, pulling out a piece of parchment.
“NO!!” I lunged at Leah and snatched the parchment away. “My aunt’s...really
busy and she doesn’t like to get pointless owls like that!”
My Housemates looked at me as if I had suddenly grown five heads.
“What?” I demanded in a very irritated tone. “Did I just turn into a giant
kneazle or something?! Stop looking at me like that!!”
Within a minute, they had all backed away, leaving me standing in the middle of
the dorm room, holding a blank piece of parchment. Glancing down at it, I
angrily ripped it into little pieces, which I simply let fall to the floor. I
then retreated back to my bed and violently pulled the curtains closed.
After brooding for about ten minutes, I decided that this wasn’t getting me
anywhere. I laid back down with a huff. I didn’t care that I was still fully
dressed and hadn’t eaten dinner; I pulled the blankets over my body and allowed
sleep to gradually take over once more. I was drained.
***** I Can’t Save Your Life *****
For the next few weeks, I simply went through the motions; I studied, took
exams, and completed my homework. However, my Housemates and I became very
distant since the episode in the dormitory. I didn’t care if I lost touch with
every single one of them; I was not going to allow them to find out that I was
now a Death Eater, nor would they discover where I’d spent my winter break. I’d
die before they figured that one out.
I also wondered if, maybe, my subconscious had urged me to overreact to the
other girls. Maybe I had blown a fuse in front of them on purpose to intimidate
them. Maybe I had needed to scare them and thus detach myself from them in
order to avoid a litany of questions about my personal life, which I didn’t
have the energy to fend off. I found that it was always easier to push people
away than pull them in—not that I did the latter too much, anyway. Being a
bitch came naturally to me. Politeness usually took an astronomical amount of
effort. And I simply did not have the energy to perform right now.
I was normally a superb actress and quick on my feet—had I not been, I never
would have made it this far. But since the start of my winter break, I’d
noticed with alarm that my acting skills had taken quite a hit. Whether it was
my awkward exchange with Bellatrix or my inability to convince my Housemates
that I was still single, I had to acknowledge that the stress of Tom’s scrutiny
and my new responsibilities was taking a toll on my normally rational brain. I
wished I could just pause my life momentarily and catch my breath. I needed
time to process everything.
Tom had given me a wonderful opportunity to jumpstart my success as a Dark
witch, but he had also gleefully thrown a blindingly bright spotlight on my
weaknesses. I had no defenses against him. And he wanted it that way. I knew
exactly why he was doing it—both to challenge me to help me achieve my
potential, and also to satisfy his sadistic urges, in and out of the
bedroom—but it was still unnerving to realize that someone as brilliant and
powerful as he could affect me so.
Though I couldn’t deny that it was insanely flattering (and yes, arousing) that
Lord Voldemort had chosen me, of all people, to take under his wing. The whole
concept felt beyond surreal, but in a good way. It put a spring in my step and
pumped my body full of adrenaline. I suddenly found myself fighting the urge to
start cackling loudly at random moments.
Late at night, I often lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about
how much I needed to improve to become the best possible version of myself. Tom
was right; I did want to prove myself to him...as well as to my own ego, of
course. I wanted to be proud of myself, more than I had been before I’d met
Tom. And I knew I could do it if I worked hard enough. It was unnerving, yet
oddly exhilarating and empowering. Though I had started my winter break feeling
utterly helpless, I was now in the process of shedding an old skin that had
been holding me back, when I hadn’t even known it was there in the first place.
I was slowly morphing into something a thousand times more powerful than I ever
thought I could be, and no one around me had the slightest clue. I was an
invisible cat in a room full of mice. It was intoxicating.
As consuming as these thoughts were, I realized I couldn’t afford to spend too
much time dwelling on self-analysis. I was back at Hogwarts. In public.
N.E.W.T.s were fast-approaching, and I couldn’t let my studying lapse. I was
grateful that my Housemates were avoiding my ten-foot radius whenever possible,
as this meant I didn’t need to perform normal social behavior as much as I had
in the past. I retreated into myself and settled back into the swing of things,
desperate for a sense of normalcy after my life had been turned upside-down.
My seventeenth birthday was also around the corner. I never made much of a fuss
over my birthday, but I sensed that this year would be different. Though I
would officially be coming of age as an adult witch, I felt like that time
period had already come and gone. How much more growing up did I reallly have
to do, after everything I had endured over my winter break? Surely not much.
I was brooding over these thoughts on the morning of my birthday, as everyone
traipsed into the Great Hall for breakfast. When all the owls flew in to
deliver the daily mail, my eyes widened as an unfamiliar owl dropped a thick
silver envelope in my lap. It appeared to contain something other than
parchment. I turned it over to open it, and saw the words, “Open tonight. In
your bed. Alone.” My heart fluttered, but I forced my face to remain
expressionless.
“Is that a birthday card?” Ashlee asked tentatively.
“Yeah, from my grandmother,” I replied nonchalantly. “She told me to wait until
later today to open it.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. She’s a bit theatrical,” I chuckled and shrugged.
Ashlee looked like she was about to ask me another question when four more
envelopes suddenly plopped into my lap. They were birthday cards from my
parents and other relatives. I wisely chose not to open them at the table,
assuming that one of them really was from my grandmother. Ashlee eyed me
looking over my mail, and then returned to her breakfast. She had obviously
decided against speaking to me further.
“Happy birthday, Alex!” exclaimed Mark, a Housemate who was sitting opposite
me. I thanked him robotically and pocketed my four envelopes. I didn’t think
anything of his birthday wish—I had more important things on my mind.
                                     * * *
I decided to open all of my birthday cards in bed that night, not just the one
in the silver envelope. The cards from my relatives came with the usual
content, hoping I would have a great year, congratulating me on becoming an
adult in the eyes of the Wizarding world, they were proud that I had remained
at the top of the class, despite all the obstacles I had faced...yada yada
yada. This was old news. I barely registered the words, and I grew more and
more anxious as I opened one card after the next, saving the silver envelope
for last.
When I finally opened it, trying to rein in my nervous excitement, I reached
inside and pulled out a beautiful quill. It was just under a foot long, and the
silky feather shimmered black, blood red, silver, and dark turquoise. I gaped
at its beauty. I was about to put it in my cauldron with my schoolbooks, when I
realized that a small piece of parchment had fallen onto my blanket as I had
removed the quill from the envelope. I smiled at the elegant lettering. The
note read:
If I had you in my bed tonight, I would give you a proper present. Sleep well,
                              my little protégée.
The parchment was not signed, but I knew exactly who had sent it—especially
considering that it disintegrated as soon as I’d finished reading it. He would
think of adding that extra layer of protection. I bit my lip and smiled as my
whole body suddenly warmed. I shot furtive glances all around me to make sure
no one had seen anything, even though I had already closed my curtains, and
then I quietly slipped the quill into my cauldron.
Sleep came with surprising ease that night. Happy birthday to me.
                                     * * *
I received several compliments on my new quill from my grandmother; but
otherwise, my classmates had resumed ignoring me. I was fine with that. Life
had returned to normal.
As easy as it was to keep everything a secret from my now-distant Housemates, I
nearly spilled everything to my best friend, Francesca. She was about the only
person who still chose to speak with me regularly. We went to Hogsmeade
together one weekend, and she asked me about the rumors.
“Alex, you know your Housemates are whispering about you, right?” she asked as
we sat in the Three Broomsticks sipping butterbeer.
I sighed. “Still?”
Francesca nodded.
“What are they saying?”
Alex, you know perfectly well what they’re saying. Stop this nonsense.
“Um...they’re saying that you have a secret boyfriend and you were with him
over winter break. They keep talking about how you lost your temper when they
prodded you for details.”
I laughed humorlessly. “They can think whatever they want. I wonder how they
would react if they answered someone’s questions and were then accused of
lying. Hmm....”
Francesca pressed her lips together and looked at me. “Alex, you said you were
staying here. If you don’t want to tell me where you went, that’s fine. But I
can’t help being curious. Do you have a boyfriend?” She smirked.
I shook my head with a small smile, willing myself not to blush.
“All right. I won’t pry. I know that if you really want to, you’ll tell me
whatever it is that you’re hiding.”
“And that’s your way of saying ‘I’m anxiously waiting for you to tell me,’
isn’t it.”
“Maybe....” She grinned.
“Wipe that self-satisfying smirk off your face before I hex you into next
year!”
“If you hex me into next year, I’ll be terribly behind in my classes, don’t you
think?”
“Pffff...you’d catch up.”
“You’re right. I’d have to spend a lot more time in the library, but I’d be
fine.”
“Damn you Ravenclaws,” I muttered, playfully glaring at my friend.
“I know! I’m just too smart for my own good.” Her grin widened.
This banter lasted until we returned to the castle. I was itching to tell her
all about my winter break, but I obviously couldn’t.
Keeping my secret became even more difficult a few weeks later, when Francesca
and I were discussing Defense Against the Dark Arts in the library. She loved
hearing me talk about my classes, even though she was three years younger than
I. Ever the Ravenclaw, she was always looking for new opportunities to learn.
As I was explaining how to deflect some advanced curses I’d been learning
about, Francesca quickly glanced around and then scooted a bit closer to me.
“Uh...Fran? Is everything okay?”
Her face bore a hint of a smile. “I just wanted to make sure no one was paying
attention to us,” she whispered conspiratorially.
“Why?”
“Well, I’ve just been thinking....” She paused.
“Thinking what?” I was getting impatient.
She glanced around again, and lowered her voice further. “Alex, have you ever
thought about becoming a Death Eater?”
I nearly burst into giggles at the irony of her question. Instead, I merely
smirked. “You want to become one, don’t you.”
She nodded. “I haven’t told anyone else.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” I chuckled.
She sighed. “It can get frustrating at times, you know...secretly wanting to
become a Death Eater and being friends with your sister at the same time.”
Frustrating. Yes. You’re in her House and her year. I, on the other hand, grew
up with her. Bit of a difference there....
“Yeah, I definitely would refrain from telling Morgan. She’d probably run
crying to our parents.”
Francesca giggled. “I don’t even want to know what she would do.”
“So then let’s keep it between us, hmm?”
“Definitely.”
She paused before speaking again. “If you don’t mind me saying, I think you
would make a spectacular Death Eater.”
“Oh yeah?” I laughed quietly, fighting the urge to roll up my left sleeve and
say, Hey, check this out!
She nodded. “From knowing you as long as I have, I think it’s safe to say that
if you were, you would probably scare most of the other Death Eaters just
by...being yourself.”
I turned my head away and snickered.
“You can’t tell me you’ve never even considered it!” she teased.
I shrugged in response, trying not to burst into hysterical laughter.
“You have, haven’t you,” she whispered excitedly.
“Oh, it may have passed through my mind once or twice,” I replied casually.
“I knew it!”
I hoped that after getting the answer she wanted, Francesca would change the
subject. She didn’t.
“I have actually...read about him a bit.”
“About whom?”
I heard Bellatrix’s voice in my head. Oh, come now. Don’t pretend to be
ignorant.
“The Dark Lord. Who else?” she chuckled.
“Well, I didn’t want to jump to conclusions,” I replied with a nervous laugh.
“This might sound a bit strange, but when I was reading about him, I kept
thinking of you.”
“What do you mean?”
She cocked her head to the side and gave a small smile. “You remind me of him.”
I bit my lip and looked away as not-so-distant memories flashed through my
mind.
I know where you could truly belong.
“Alex, are you okay?” She lightly touched my shoulder. “Should I not have said
that?”
I want you to enjoy everything I do to you.
I looked back at my friend. “No, no, it’s fine. I promise.”
“Well, you definitely look uncomfortable.”
Let me hear you scream.
“I’m not. Trust me.” I forced a smile.
“All right. If you ever find a way into the Dark Lord’s ranks, which I’m sure
you will, you have to let me know.”
Oh, I’ve made it into far more than his RANKS, thank you.
“I will,” I said with a grin.
                                     * * *
The rumors softened a bit as the weeks went by; but everyone, other than
Francesca, still avoided me at virtually all costs. I found it rather ironic
that Francesca was the only one who stuck by me no matter what, and yet I was
forbidden from confiding in her. I couldn’t tell anyone how drastically my life
had changed in the past few months.
Sometime near the end of February, I was sitting on a couch in the common room
finishing a Potions essay when I felt someone sit next to me.
Wow, someone actually came within my ten-foot radius of their own free will?
That’s a first.
Looking up, I saw Mark, the boy who had wished me a happy birthday. We hadn’t
talked much since then. I’d never thought of him as a friend, but I would speak
to him if I deemed it necessary.
Mark didn’t say anything, so I turned back to my essay.
“Hey, Alex,” he said.
“Hi.” I didn’t look up.
“You’ve been really quiet since winter break ended—are you okay?” he asked.
I stopped writing momentarily before answering. “Yeah. Sure. I’m great.”
“Um, there’s...something I wanna talk to you about. You got a minute?”
“What’s going on?”
“You wanna, um...pack that up?” he offered uncomfortably.
“My essay?”
“Yeah.”
“Why? I’m not done with it.” I made it clear that I was agitated.
“Because I’d...rather not stay in the common room.”
I looked at him suspiciously as I packed up my things. “Where are we going?” I
demanded.
“Out in the hall, I guess.” He shrugged. “The less people there are, the
better.”
I rolled my eyes, and followed Mark up the spiral staircase and out into the
hall.
When we entered the corridor, he remained completely silent.
“Okaaay, so what’s the big secret?” I asked.
Mark suddenly appeared very uncomfortable and refused to make eye contact. I
scooted over so that I’d be in his direct line of sight. He laughed nervously.
“Alex, you make everybody laugh,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Not my mortal enemies,” I replied with a smirk.
There was a pause.
“So, we’ve been talking since, what—our fifth year?” he said.
“Yeah, something like that.”
“And I’d say we know each other pretty well—”
I looked directly up at him and scolded him, “You’re scooting around the issue.
What are you trying to say?”
He took a deep breath and replied, “I like you. A lot.”
I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. I wasn’t sure how to respond. Whether
or not I’d ever considered dating him, I couldn’t possibly explain my
situation.
My thoughts were interrupted when I felt Mark’s hand on my shoulder. I slinked
out of his grip. He looked at me, extremely confused and undoubtedly
heartbroken.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “I’m not diseased—”
“No, no, I know; don’t take it personally. I just—”
“Don’t take it personally?! I just put my hand on your shoulder and you jumped
back as if I were covered in unicorn blood!”
I sighed. “Sorry—”
“Who are you seeing?”
“Excuse me?”
“I can tell you’re seeing someone. Someone extremely possessive. Otherwise you
wouldn’t have reacted like that.”
Shit.
I looked at him like he was delusional, trying to throw him off the scent.
“Can we just go talk for a bit?” he practically begged. “I don’t want you to be
mad at me.”
Immediately after he finished speaking, I felt a burn on my left forearm.
He knew.
“I—I can’t,” I answered quickly, and started to walk briskly away from anywhere
that I’d be noticed.
“Where are you going?” Mark called after me.
“I just need some time to think!” I shot back. Once out of his sight, I ducked
into one of the secret passages out of the school, walked to Hogsmeade, and
Disapparated.
                                     * * *
I landed in a small room lit only by a single candle on a shelf. Everything was
quiet for a few seconds, until I heard a sound coming from my right. Grabbing
my wand, I whirled around and loudly whispered, “Lumos!”
I was pushed back against the wall almost instantly. I tried to hold on to my
wand, but it was snatched from my grasp as I heard a whispered “Nox!” After
hearing my wand hit the floor, I attempted to pinpoint its exact location,
thinking I could possibly roll it back with my foot. However, a strong hand
gripped my chin and cheek, holding my head in place.
“Impressive reflexes, my dear,” a familiar voice hissed into my ear. I sighed
in relief as a chill ran up my spine.
“I had to get you away from that pest of a boy,” he went on. “Even a squib
could tell that he was bothering you.”
“Yeah,” I breathed.
Before I could utter another word, he picked me up and placed me on the floor.
He quickly shrugged out of his robes and then violently tore my clothes off.
“You love ripping my clothes apart,” I sighed as he kissed my neck.
“More than you’ll ever know,” he declared, before dipping his head down to suck
on my nipples. I moaned.
“I’ve missed feeling you writhe beneath me,” he murmured, wrapping my legs
around his back. Gliding his hand in between my legs, he rubbed my clitoris
while kissing me in a fire of passion. I could hardly breathe. He released my
mouth and held my gaze as he continued stroking. Arching against his hand, I
dug my nails into his back. That only fueled him to stroke me faster.
“Tom, please....” I gasped.
“Please what, my gorgeous girl?”
I bit into his shoulder. “FUCK ME!” I growled.
“It would be my pleasure.”
                                     * * *
Half an hour later, my clothes were repaired and back on my body. Tom backed me
up against the wall and slowly licked the side of my face. I rubbed his back
and pulled him closer.
“Your loyalty to me is exceptionally pleasing,” he praised. He ran his hand
down my left arm, stopping to firmly take my hand.
I closed my eyes. “How long can I stay?”
“Not much longer. We wouldn’t want to give your classmates any reason to be
suspicious, now would we?”
I sighed. “I know....”
“You will return to me before you know it,” he reassured me with a smile.
I was about to tell him goodbye and Disapparate, when I suddenly recalled my
recent conversation with Francesca.
If you ever find a way into the Dark Lord’s ranks, which I’m sure you will, you
have to let me know.
I opened my mouth to speak, but Tom saved me the trouble.
“Your friend is too young,” he said with a smirk. “Tell her to wait a while.”
“So—are you saying I can tell her, then?”
His smirk vanished. “Absolutely not. Ask me again in a few years, if you wish.
But I will not place any trust in a fourteen-year-old girl.”
I nodded slowly.
He suddenly pressed his body as close to mine as possible. “I told you before,”
he whispered, “What happens between us stays between us.” His lips tickled my
ear as he spoke, and I shivered.
“I know,” I replied softly, just before he bit into my neck and began sucking.
I moaned as he slowly licked my throat.
“I think you should go now,” he murmured, “before I decide to keep you here
forever.”
I chuckled.
“It won’t be long, now,” he assured me, while playing with my hair. “And I’d
advise wearing your hair down for about a week.” I smiled as he traced the spot
on my neck where he’d bitten me.
“Oh, and thank you for the quill,” I said, smiling coyly.
“You’re quite welcome,” Tom answered with a mischievous grin. “I hope you think
of me, and my note, every time you use it.”
I nodded and blushed.
“Mission accomplished,” he bragged.
After Apparating back to Hogsmeade, I walked briskly back to Hogwarts and
returned to the Slytherin dungeons. I didn’t even look at my Housemates as I
crossed the common room and descended the stairs to my dormitory—they all
looked up as soon as I entered the common room, and immediately averted their
eyes when they saw that it was me. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could take
this; it seemed as if one moment it was safe to be myself, and the next moment
it could get me arrested.
                                     * * *
Somehow, I made it to the end of my schooling. Everyone had quieted down by
around mid-April, as the N.E.W.T. exams were stressing out all the seventh-
years. Although I, too, was stressed, I also saw this time as a perfect
opportunity to be alone as often as possible.
My studying paid off. I was thrilled upon receiving my test scores the day
before the graduation ceremony—I had earned an “O” on all of my exams, and
retained my position at the top of the class. I felt like walking on air. The
following day, I would be leaving Hogwarts for good. I planned on taking many
actions to start a new life, which would begin as soon as I stepped off of
Platform 9¾ for the last time.
I was so happy that night, I even wrote home to tell my parents about my test
scores. (My parents would not be attending the graduation ceremony, as my dad
had been called away on a business trip, and my paranoid mom was too scared to
come to the ceremony alone. I didn’t care, though. I had more important things
to think about.) At 2:30 in the morning, I collapsed onto my bed and fell
asleep with a huge grin on my face. It appeared that nothing could bring me
down.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I had barely been asleep for an hour when I awoke to a tickle on my left arm. I
jumped a bit and swatted at the area as I slowly regained consciousness. When I
opened my eyes, I saw Erica, a mousy fourth-year girl who had few friends and
was known for often tagging after others.
She had opened my curtains and pulled up my left sleeve.
Countless thoughts raced through my head.
How did she get in here? What the fuck is she doing? What ever possessed her to
sneak into the seventh-year dorm in the first place—in the middle of the night?
What makes her think she can just barge in here and invade my privacy? Why does
she look like she just got Petrified? Why is she staring at me like that? Why
is she gaping at my left ar—OH. SHIT.
The little brat almost started crying as I sprang out of bed.
“Why the hell did you come in here?” I demanded, keeping my voice low.
“I—I ju—I just wanted someone to talk to...and everyone else shooed me away—”
“Well gee, I wonder why!” I snapped, with more anger than sarcasm.
“I’m sorry, okay? I only opened your curtains to see if you were awake, and
then I—”
“And then you what?” I challenged through gritted teeth.
“I thought I saw th—the Dark Mark on your arm, and I got scared! So I—I just—I
just lifted up your sleeve to check! That’s all! I didn’t come in here to go
poking around to see if anyone in here was a D—”
“Shut up, bitch!” I spat. I quickly grabbed my wand from my end table, and
pointed it at her heart.
“Don’t make me do it,” I warned, shaking my head slowly.
She started crying. “D-do what? Don’t hurt me, please!” she begged. She gripped
the sides of her nightgown as if doing so would provide some comfort, but all
it did was blanche her knuckles. I sneered at the pathetic sight in front of
me.
“If you keep your mouth shut, I won’t do a thing,” I threatened, almost
sounding gentle. I refused to lower my wand, even though Erica appeared to be
weighing her options.
However, the girl’s stupidity reigned. Through her tears, she cried, “ALEX
HALAWAY IS A DEATH EATER!!”
“OBLIVIATE!” I shouted over her, trying to drown out her damning words. She
staggered backward and clumsily dropped to the floor.
“Alex?!” Amy poked her head through her curtains and groped around her
nightstand for her wand. “Are you a—WHAT??”
I whipped around and pointed my wand at Amy. “Obliviate!” I whispered. Amy’s
head lolled to the side, and she collapsed back onto her bed. Her wand
clattered to the floor.
The other girls had begun stirring. Some groggily asked what all the fuss was
about, or if they were in danger, but I quickly cast a spell to put them all
back to sleep, including Amy. Looking around the eerily silent dorm, I sighed
and took a moment to make sense of my predicament. How do I get out of this? I
thought. What if somebody heard something? How do I cover my tracks?
I suddenly knew what I had to do.
I sidled over to Amy and plucked her wand off her nightstand. Pointing it at
Erica, who was mumbling incoherently on the floor, I growled, “Avada Kedavra!”
My face twisted into a knot of red rage. I didn’t hesitate in the slightest. If
anything, I was immensely proud of myself, even though I was shaking with anger
over being discovered as a Death Eater. My adrenaline was pumping so hard, my
vision pulsed.
I took in a deep, shaky breath to calm myself, and positioned Amy’s wand in her
right hand to make it look like she was the one who had just cast the Killing
Curse. I knew that the teachers would put everyone’s wand under Priori
Incantatem in a few hours—this meant that I would most likely be in the clear.
Not for sure, but most likely.
Though it would have been amusing to see how the morning would unfold, I knew I
couldn’t stick around to find out what would happen. I had to get out. Still
tightly holding my wand, I grabbed my invisibility cloak from underneath my
bed, made sure I was completely covered, and slipped out of the Slytherin
dungeons as quickly and quietly as I could. I crept out of the castle through
one of the secret passageways and broke into a run.
***** Wake Up In a Dream *****
I stopped by the lake to catch my breath, and then walked quickly to Hogsmeade
so that I could Disapparate if I needed. The village was, thankfully, deserted.
There were no lights on in any of the shops or flats—not that I expected there
to be anyone awake at four in the morning.
After walking for a few minutes, I realized that I needed to get my bearings. I
needed to figure out what to do. I hadn’t planned for this. All of my
belongings were at Hogwarts, but I could never go back there. It was too risky.
I also couldn’t Apparate to my grandmother’s. As convincing as I’m sure I could
be in finding an excuse to be there, the cold hard truth was that it would look
extremely suspicious for me to randomly show up at a relative’s house in the
dead of night, fifteen minutes after a Hogwarts student was murdered in my
dorm. I had enough of a reputation at school, anyway. Invisible or not, going
to a familiar place for shelter would only make matters worse. In my fucking
pajamas, no less.
I had nowhere to go.
I folded my invisibility cloak over my left arm and slumped onto a bench
outside Zonko’s Joke Shop. After brooding there for a while, I stood up and
decided to keep walking—I figured the physical activity could help me clear my
head and formulate a plan.
I had nothing but my wand, my pajamas, and my invisibility cloak. Fixing this
problem was my first order of business. I took stock of my surroundings to note
the location of all the food and clothing stores, and their hours of operation.
Knowing their busiest hours would allow me to move undetected while collecting
supplies. I didn't want to live like a homeless refugee, but Apparating to a
residential property and getting caught could prove disastrous. When and what
would I be able to eat and drink? I thought. Where would I sleep? In the attic
of a store? Should I start sneaking bits of money out of cash registers, just
in case? Should I risk trying to use a stranger’s owl to send a message? Who
could I even trust with a message? These were unpleasant questions, but I
needed to answer them if I had any hope of surviving undetected.
Without warning, a hand appeared from out of nowhere and covered my mouth. I
protested noiselessly as I was pulled backward into a tight embrace.
“I’m so proud of you,” Tom praised, breathing into my hair.
I should be used to these ‘greetings’ by now....
Facing him, I threw my arms around his neck and fell against him with a heavy
sigh of relief. He held me like a long-lost relative.
“I was only trying to protect myself,” I whispered.
“I know.” He pressed two fingers to my lips. “Listen to me: there is no time to
spare. We cannot stay here. I’m taking you with me right now.”
My face lit up as he kissed my temple. “For how long?” I asked.
“There is no turning back.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“Not now,” he replied gravely. “Not here.”
I took one last look around just before he, in mere seconds, carried me away
from my quickly-crumbling mask of seventeen years.
                                     * * *
We landed in his bedroom—of course—and my invisibility cloak fell to the floor.
I was about to pick it up and drape it over the desk chair when he pulled me to
him and attacked my mouth with a bruising kiss. When he finally released my
lips, I could hardly breathe.
“I’ve missed you,” he murmured, treating my neck to a long, velvety lick.
“I’ve missed you, too,” I breathed, before he began forcefully kissing me
again.
After casting a quick disrobing spell on both of us, he picked me up and threw
me on the bed before climbing on top of me.
“This brings back memories,” I said with a smile.
“Doesn’t it just.”
Without another word, he pried my legs apart and quickly slid into me. I gasped
and pulled him close. It had been too long.
                                     * * *
After an hour, I was surprised that the bedsprings hadn’t completely given out.
Tom pressed his chest against my back and slowly ran his right hand up and down
the front of my body. His left hand idly played with my hair. In this state, I
hoped he might not be as secretive as before.
“What’d you mean before when you—”
“Shhhh,” he whispered.
“I just want to know what you meant by—”
“Later. You need to sleep.”
I sighed as he locked his fingers in mine. I closed my eyes and lost
consciousness in a matter of minutes.
                                     * * *
I woke up in a daze, confused as to why it was dark out. I looked to my right
and then sat up, only to become more confused. The other side of the bed was
unoccupied, and all of my possessions—from both school and home—were arranged
neatly on the floor.
The door opened after a minute or so. I smiled as Tom walked around my things
and stood in front of me.
“Good evening, sleepy girl,” he teased, running his hand down my cheek.
“Evening?!” I asked incredulously. “What...day is it?”
He chuckled. “The same as when I brought you here.”
“Damn. I didn’t realize I needed that much sleep.”
“Alex, you were running on pure adrenaline last night, after keeping our
relationship a secret while studying exceptionally hard for months, and then
taking difficult exams. Of course you needed extra sleep.”
I paused.
Relationship. I was in a relationship with Lord Voldemort. I still could hardly
wrap my brain around that.
I shook my head in amused disbelief. “Yeah...life has been pretty crazy
lately.”
“That it has. Meanwhile, I was busy while you were asleep,” he replied, while
gesturing to all of my belongings.
I surveyed everything, and then looked back up at him. “Did you do all this?”
He sat down next to me and nodded. “A series of complex Summoning charms.
Difficult to execute for objects as far away as America, but not impossible.”
I exhaled slowly as I thanked him. It suddenly hit me that, given that
everything I owned was now inside Tom’s estate, I would likely never return to
my family’s home. I probably wouldn’t even see any of my relatives again. I
suppose I should have felt torn. I should have felt a sense of crushing loss,
or at least some sadness, but there was only relief. Like a weight had just
rolled off my back. I felt lighter, though simultaneously overwhelmed because I
had no idea what my life would be like from this day forward. I’d imagined
myself going through the Hogwarts graduation ceremony, and then returning home
briefly and getting a job at a shop, or maybe even at the American Ministry. I
had also toyed with the idea of moving in with my grandmother just to stay in
England—I’d considered finding a job there and then saving up enough Galleons
to rent a flat, after which I would slowly distance myself from my relatives
while become more active as a Death Eater, and seeing where life took me from
there.
But I had never imagined being in my current situation. Nothing like this.
Murdering a classmate and then becoming a fugitive? Please. I hadn’t even
remotely considered something so ludicrous, even after the rollercoaster of my
winter break. This had not been on my to-do list.
Tom smirked, as he understood that I lacked the words to express myself. And
for once, I was relieved that he was a Legilimens; I knew I didn’t have to
expend any energy trying to put my whirring barrage of thoughts into words.
I also realized that Tom had to be deadly serious about keeping me with him, in
order to have Summoned everything I owned into his bedroom. I was clearly
living with him now. Would I be kept here for the rest of my life, hidden from
the outside world? Would I enjoy it? What would he have me do, other than learn
more advanced magic? Would I be sent out on assignments with other Death
Eaters, or would Tom always keep me close? I wondered what his exact intentions
were—he had never discussed the subject outright. I was about to ask him what
his plans were for me, and then I remembered the cryptic words he’d spoken
before whisking me away from Hogsmeade: There is no turning back.
“So, um, what did you mean this morning?” I asked, being careful not to sound
like a nag.
“What are you talking about?”
I shot him a playful glare. “You’re the most skilled Legilimens in the world; I
don’t need to tell you what.”
“So you’re saying you want me to constantly read your mind?” he teased.
Facing the wall, I folded my arms over my chest and let out an aggravated sigh.
He snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me onto his lap. I bit my lip,
trying not to laugh.
“Don’t you turn away from me,” he hissed. I suppressed a tiny chuckle.
“Patience,” he breathed, while stroking my inner thigh.
“What about it?” I asked softly, leaning back and resting my head on his
shoulder.
“You wanted to know what I meant, didn’t you?”
“Yeah....” I sighed.
“You must be patient. I will tell you when the time is right.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but he suddenly slid two fingers inside me. All
my frustration melted.
***** You Just Stand There and Stare *****
Chapter Notes
     Welcome to the chapter of gratuitous blood and gore. Read at your own
     risk.
Tom definitely wanted to test my patience; either that, or there was a specific
reason why he refused to tell me the meaning of his cryptic words. Since I had
finished school and clearly didn’t have to look for a job, I realized that I
needed a few ways to entertain myself. In addition to filling up journals at
lightning speed, I dug into my old art supplies and began drawing and painting
up a storm. There were suddenly paintings of spooky nature scenes, Dark Marks,
torture scenes, snakes, and Slytherin crests popping up all over the estate.
Tom pretended not to notice. I think he was secretly pleased with the new
décor, as he never removed any of the canvasses, though I could have sworn that
he kept moving the location of certain paintings to suit his tastes. (Or maybe
it was just to annoy me.) He didn’t say anything to me about it—even after I
had mentioned my hobby to some of the other Death Eaters, who expressed
interest in purchasing my work. I shrank the canvasses and passed them on to my
new customers during meetings. They were highly impressed. (So I guess I ended
up getting a job afterall.)
Tom wasn’t teaching me at the time; however, if he was going to try and tease
me with all this ‘patience’ bullshit, then I would simply torment him by
seizing every opportunity to be alone, whether for the fine arts or the Dark
Arts. I didn’t care whether or not he was watching me—if I caught him spying, I
simply acted like I hadn’t seen him.
This time turned out to be quite advantageous; more so than I’d anticipated.
Though Tom had wanted me to take a breather from academics, I decided to
practice some new spells and enchatments on my own anyway. My skills were
improving dramatically. I was thrilled that I was able to learn so much without
any assistance.
One afternoon, I was sitting on the fluffy black rug, reading another book,
when I heard a scratching noise on the floor. I turned to my left and saw a big
ugly rat about five feet away. I sneered and stood up. Pointing my wand at it,
I growled, “Sectumsempra!”
I chuckled as a deep cut appeared on the rodent’s back, causing the creature to
bleed profusely. It panicked, and started racing around the room as fast as its
wounded body would allow it.
As amusing as this was to watch, it irritated me that the rat was leaving a
long trail of blood behind it. I jumped in front of the animal and yelled,
“CRUCIO! That’s what you get for making a mess.”
I waited until the still-bleeding rat was almost dead before I finally lifted
the curse. “Imperio!” I called out. “Clean up your mess.” I got such a kick out
of watching this pathetic rat being forced to lick its own blood off the floor.
Without warning, the connection broke. The rat stopped moving and I couldn’t
understand why I was suddenly unable to control it any longer.
And then it occurred to me: the piece of vermin must have stopped breathing.
“Damn it,” I sighed. I wanted to finish it off properly.
Oh well.
I couldn’t decide what to do with the animal. I thought of stabbing it with my
wand, but I quickly realized that that would have been an unusually barbaric
action that my wand did not deserve.
“Ha!” I snapped my fingers. Even if I don’t use my wand, that doesn’t mean
there aren’t any other objects around that can be used for stabbing purposes.
A demonic grin appeared on my face as I called out, “Accio steak knife!”
A glint of shiny metal caught my eye as the knife flew into my outstretched
hand.
I sat down on my knees about a foot away from the rodent, and plunged the knife
into its body. Blood spurted from the new wound in a scarlet fountain. I
twirled the knife in circles, watching with glee as the dead animal quickly
became drenched in red. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this amused.
Pretty soon, I was laughing as much as a Cornish pixie that had been given a
cheering charm.
I became so lost in my crazed euphoria that I was actually startled when I
heard another voice.
“Having fun, I see.”
I nearly dropped the knife. Embarrassed at being caught off-guard, I looked at
the floor and allowed my hair to fall over my face; this prevented Tom from
seeing my cheeks burn.
“This is a very interesting little display you have here.” He looked amusedly
at the rat, then at me.
“What? I’m just giving him a bath,” I replied, trying futilely to look and
sound serious. He chuckled at this lame attempt, and continued looking at me
like he was waiting for me to speak. Realizing that I was remaining silent, he
bent down and hoisted me to my feet.
“Why have you been so distant?” he asked. His face was humorless now.
I looked up at him innocently, pretending I had no idea what he was talking
about. “You already know,” I teased. “Why are you asking me?”
He frowned. “Because I want to hear it from you. And you will tell me.”
When I still refused to speak, he pulled me close and held me so tightly that
he restricted my air flow.
Okaaaayy...maybe I took this a BIT too far....
“Just because I have become partial to you does NOT give you the right to play
games with me,” he scolded.
I hung my head.
“Look at me,” he ordered, while raising my chin.
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words formed.
“Go on,” he urged.
I realized that there was no way out of this. “Um—”
“Yes?” He loosened his grip on me.
“You—you said you don’t want me to play any games....”
“Are you trying to tell me that this was a game?”
“Well, I don’t know what you exactly consider a game....” I was just being a
brat by this point. I felt he’d earned it.
He sighed loudly in exasperation and released me. “Alex, tell me what it is you
were doing.”
I told him everything. I told him that I’d been extremely frustrated when he
wouldn’t answer my questions about his plans for me. I revealed my strategy of
keeping to myself at every opportune moment, hoping to minimize the time I’d
have to think about waiting for answers.
He didn’t say a word until I had finished. The expression on his face was
unreadable—I couldn’t tell whether he was trying to stop himself from hurting
me or simply thinking of something to say.
When he finally did speak, he prefaced it with a grin.
I closed my eyes for a moment. Thank goodness.
“You know, you remind me of an eagle.”
“How?”
“Well, just look at that creature on the floor.”
“How does that make me anything like an eagle?” I laughed nervously.
“I saw everything. I watched you curse it, I watched you chase it around the
room, and I of course watched you kill it—or as you put it, give it a bath.”
“I still don’t get it.”
“An eagle is a god among birds. It is proud, graceful, and strong, and always
commands respect. An eagle’s prey never knows that it is in mortal
peril—obviously that rat wouldn’t have gone anywhere near you had it known you
would subject it to such a slow and painful death.”
He paused to make sure I understood.
“When an eagle spots its unsuspecting prey, it kills it in quite a brutal
fashion.” I glanced at the dead rat and chuckled.
Moving closer, he cupped my face in his hands. “The eagle has a unique beauty
to it, yet should never be provoked, for obvious reasons,” he continued.
“All right, all right! I get it.” I started laughing again; it seemed that I
would just look at that stupid rat, and another fit of giggles would take over.
Tom looked at me like he was thinking, You can stop anytime, you know... but he
was also clearly amused by my shenanigans. When I finally calmed down, I
Vanished the rodent and its mess, and we exited the library.
***** Forever and Ever *****
I felt as if a cinderblock had fallen off of my shoulders. Somehow, the fact
that Tom had kept me in the dark for the past two months didn’t bother me so
much anymore, as I’d gotten everything off my chest and he had responded
favorably. Though he still hadn’t appeased my curiosity, he did resume teaching
me Dark magic and we were both heartily enjoying my lessons. I realized that I
was suddenly happier than I’d been in quite a while—maybe even more than I’d
ever been.
One afternoon in early August, I was sitting on the living room couch, resting
my eyes after a long practice session. I drifted in and out of consciousness
until a tickle under my chin jolted me awake.
Tom smirked and began stroking my hair. “Jumpy, much?”
I bit my lip.
“I barely touched you and you were startled.”
“I was half asleep,” I chuckled. “I wasn’t expecting to be woken up.”
He smirked mischievously and made a show of looking me up and down. After about
a minute, he spoke again.
“I must say, you have been very patient over the past few months. I’m quite
proud of you,” he praised.
My eyes widened. “Wow...thanks.” I didn’t know what else to say; all I’d ever
been told on this subject was that I was too impatient.
And then it occurred to me.
“I think I—” I trailed off.
“You what?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.
“I think I learned that from you,” I replied quietly.
He stroked my cheek and then stood up. “You never thought you would learn such
a virtue from me, did you,” he purred with a grin. His eyes never left mine.
I returned the grin. “No—”
“And I highly doubt it crossed your mind that you would leave the oppressive
atmosphere of your family as soon as you graduated,” he continued. He had
slowly begun walking around the room, occasionally glancing at me.
“Definitely not. I actually feel like I can breathe now, with—”
“I believe it’s safe to say that you never thought I would go as far as I did
to bring you here, purely out of fascination—and attraction.” He slowly made
his way back to me.
“I can’t say that I did,” I replied with a nervous smile. I had no idea where
he was going with this, and I was clearly blushing again—it felt like a torch
was being held in front of my face.
After sitting down beside me again, he gently squeezed my shoulders and slid
his fingers down my arms. I looked up at him anxiously as he placed his hands
over mine. He grinned and moved closer to me.
“Something tells me...that this time last year, you wouldn’t even dare to
think....” He paused to watch my reaction.
“Think what?” My heart was racing in anticipation.
“That I would want you to rule by my side.”
“Wh-what?” I whispered. I suddenly forgot to breathe.
He gripped my face in his hands and kissed me hard. I was rendered speechless
as he reached into a pocket of his robes and produced a tiny black velvet box.
Inside was a white gold ring. It had a large square-cut emerald in the center,
flanked by a smaller diamond and three tiny ones on either side. The gems
sparkled so brilliantly, they almost made me squint. I inhaled shakily as Tom
placed the ring on my finger; the cool metal sent shivers up my arm.
“You will, won’t you?” he asked, edging closer still. His eyes were wide,
pupils dilated. He wasn’t even blinking.
Barely above a whisper, I responded, “Yes....”
Immediately after I’d spoken, my ring finger and left forearm began to burn
simultaneously. It didn’t hurt too much, but it was enough for me to notice,
and for my face to show it.
Tom chuckled, tapped the ring with his finger, and gestured for me to remove
it. I did, and a huge grin spread across my face. A tiny Dark Mark had etched
itself into the underside of the ring, shimmering silver.
No sooner had I placed the ring back on my finger, I was locked in a spine-
crushing embrace, barely able to move.
Tom lightly kissed my ear and whispered, “Marry me?”
I took a deep breath. Please tell me I’m not asleep.... “Yes—AHHH!!” I
screamed.
It suddenly felt like my ring finger and Dark Mark were being traced over with
sharp knives. I tried to remove the ring, but Tom grabbed my right hand to
prevent me from doing so. He wrapped my wrists around his neck as the pain
increased, and then snaked his arms around my back.
“You belong to me,” he declared, talking over my moans of agony. “Forever.”
“I...know....” I whimpered breathlessly.
And then the pain stopped.
I collapsed in Tom’s arms, panting. The pain had sucked all of the energy from
my body and left me light-headed. I nearly passed out.
Lifting up my limp head, he said, “Stay conscious, love. I assure you this will
not happen again.”
I inhaled slowly a few times to regain my composure. Tom kept my head firmly in
his hands until I opened my eyes. When I looked up at him, I noted with mild
amusement that this was the closest I’d ever come to seeing him express
concern. I might have laughed if I’d had the energy.
I was about to speak, but I thought my ring had fallen off; I didn’t feel it on
my finger. I quickly brought my left arm in front of my face, only to see that
my worrying had been for nothing. The ring hadn’t moved a millimeter.
I sighed loudly, shaking my head. “I’m a mess,” I thought aloud.
Tom smiled and ran his fingers through my hair to massage my scalp. “No, you’re
not.”
“Then how do I explain what just—”
“You will rarely feel the ring. It cannot be removed.”
I gazed at the ring in fascination, then shot a mischievous grin at Tom.
“I believe you,” I replied, “but I have to try this.” I started shaking my left
hand around as if I had just painted my nails, grinning when the ring really
didn’t come off.
I let myself fall back onto the couch, still smiling. “That’s amazing,” I
chuckled.
I felt him smile against my neck as he laced his arms around my stomach to pull
me against his chest.
“I have placed a charm on the ring so that no one else will be able to see it
until I announce our union,” he said. “This means that you won’t have to hide
your left hand, or engage in any other awkward behavior during Death Eater
meetings. Only you and I will see it.”
“That’s a good idea.”
“Yes, it is. Now, you understand that you permanently bound yourself to me when
you agreed to marry me,” he continued, slowly running his hand down my left
arm, “which is why the ring cannot be removed. The discomfort you just felt was
the final test of your loyalty to me, and it attached the ring to your finger
permanently.”
Um. Yeah. That was discomfort just like being naked in a snow storm is only a
wee bit nippy. Lovely word choice, Tom.
“Is that why you didn’t let me touch it after I started shrieking?”
“Yes.”
“What would have happened if I’d been able to take off the ring? Would it
have...ripped off my finger or something?”
“You would have died.”
“Charming.”
“Alex, you know I wouldn’t have let you take the ring off, had you fought
against me. I simply needed you to tell me you understood that you were mine
permanently, even with pain raging through your body.”
“How romantic.”
Oh, god. There’s my big mouth again. Please don’t Crucio me for saying that.
He didn’t. He merely chuckled and tightly gripped my left hand while pressing
his cheek against mine. “There is no turning back,” he whispered against my
neck.
My jaw dropped and I whirled around, eyes wide. “You had this planned all
along....” I trailed off at the end of the sentence, shocked into silence.
He pulled me back to him and replied, “Patience is a virtue, you know.”
I playfully glared at him just before he enveloped me in a deep kiss, gripping
my hair tightly in one hand while rubbing the back of my neck with the other.
When he finally withdrew, I was flushed and breathless. He didn’t react to
this; he simply cupped my face in his hands and looked into my eyes searchingly
for a while. I had to will myself not to start fidgeting. My heart was pounding
wildly.
Why am I still so unnerved whenever he stares at me like that? I thought. Is it
the Legilimency? Is it something about his presence? How powerful he is? Who he
is? Is it that he knows me inside and out and can use it against me any time he
wants?
I had no answers. And I didn’t know what to say to him, so I simply sat there
and returned his gaze, trying not to display my unease.
“I never thought I’d find myself the slightest bit attached to anyone,” he
murmured after a while, “much less consider marrying. I never thought I’d meet
anyone worthy of standing by my side. But then again, I also never thought I’d
ever see so much of myself in another person. I never imagined that there would
be a girl worthy of my admiration. You really are quite captivating, you know.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, feeling my cheeks heat up once again.
“And I do like your art, by the way,” he drawled with a smirk, his lips
touching mine as he spoke. I laughed at this unexpected compliment and dragged
him down on top of me.
                                     * * *
An important issue came up the next morning. “You know you must change your
name before the wedding,” Tom said.
“How come?” I asked.
“Every marriage in the Wizarding world is automatically recorded as soon as it
becomes official,” he continued.
“So...the chance of everyone finding me would increase after the wedding, if I
kept my name.”
“Exactly. Now, I believe there are a few books in my library information on
names. Go have a look.”
I nodded and headed off to the library.
There were only two books containing names and information on this subject, yet
they were thick books that kept me busy for a few hours.
I searched through seemingly endless chapters on name meanings, histories, and
associations, trying to find something that both sounded right and fit my
personality.
I was beginning to lose patience while running down yet another alphabetical
list of names with their meanings beside them. Suddenly, one name—plus its
meaning—jumped out at me from the middle of the right-most column:
                                     Alera
I knew it as soon as I saw it.
That’s the one.
Beaming, I put the books back on the shelf. I couldn’t wait to tell Tom.
Intending on quickly leaving the library to find him, I whirled around—and
smashed right into him. I started to move back, but he pulled me close,
grinning deviously. “I thought I’d surprise you,” he said silkily.
I blushed. “I thought I wasn’t going to look like a klutz!”
“You’re not,” he assured me, stroking my cheek. “I take it you found a name?”
I nodded as my grin immediately returned. “Alera.”
“Very pretty,” he complimented. “What made you choose it?”
I grinned wider and placed my arms around his neck. “It’s quite simple,” I
replied, before softly whispering in his ear, “It means eagle.”
“Mmm...pretty and suitable.”
I smiled.
He took my hand and led me to a far wall of the library, one that I’d never
seen. I was about to ask why we were over there, when he performed a complex
wand movement. A tiny crack immediately began to run down part of the wall. I
raised my eyebrows as Tom held out his left hand and pulled it back, separating
the wall in two.
Before us was a black abyss. When I looked uncertainly up at Tom, he merely
grinned and said, “After you, my dear.”
I took a deep breath and walked slowly into the chasm. Holding out my wand, I
opened my mouth to say “Lumos” when the darkness suddenly turned to a neon
green light. I had to cover my eyes immediately, as the light’s intensity
almost blinded me. I was about to conjure a visor-like shield over my eyes, but
I felt Tom take my wrists and place my arms by my sides before I could do so.
“Nothing will work,” he said. “These walls know only of my presence, and have
been charmed to repel others.”
“But how do you withstand the light—or do you not see it?”
“Very good,” he replied. “As opposed to a blinding neon green, I see merely a
dim light blue.”
“Oh, that’s—” I wasn’t exactly sure how to finish that sentence.
“Nice, yes. But you must have access also.”
“How do I do that?”
“I will guide you,” he said. “Just keep your eyes closed.” He placed his his
hand on my back and steered me along the passageway. After we’d been walking
for a few moments, I felt him take my left hand and position it on the wall,
directly over his. An unusual calming warmth breezed through my hand. I didn’t
have much time to revel in this unfamiliar feeling, though, as a supersonic
force of energy suddenly surged through me and rooted me to the spot.
Tom firmly pressed his right hand over my left, though I hardly noticed because
the anomalous energy was still raging through me like a lightning storm. It
would have been excruciatingly painful had there not been so many other potent
sensations simultaneously shooting through me. It was fire. It was thunder. It
was electricity. It was immense suction. It was a wind tunnel.
It was too much.
After about three minutes, all the energy just oozed out of me. I was pushed
off the wall and into Tom’s arms. I suspect that if he hadn’t caught me in
time, I would’ve lost my balance and fallen to the ground. This was slightly
embarrassing—okay, very embarrassing.
“It’s nothing to feel self-conscious about,” he chuckled, clearly having read
my thoughts again. “They need to get used to you.”
“They?”
“The walls,” he replied. “You are very lucky that they have accepted you; I
created this place as an added layer of precaution before I was able to render
my entire estate undetectable. It took months. I have never granted anyone
entrance until now.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“Don’t you notice a difference?” he asked with a smirk.
“Whoa! I don’t need to squint,” I remarked as I took stock of my surroundings.
He smiled. “Of course you don’t. This is the first sign of their approval.”
I thought for a moment. “Before...I noticed you had to hold my hand to the wall
to keep me from being thrown back. I felt this...energy, sort of. It was really
awkward. It felt like a tidal wave and a fire merged in one. I don’t know how
else to describe it; it was so—”
He placed a finger on my lips. “I understand,” he said silkily. “I expected
that to happen.”
He hooked his arm under mine and led me down the tunnel.
“Where are we going?” I asked apprehensively.
“Another surprise,” he replied with a grin.
***** I Can’t Believe You’d Ask These Things of Me *****
Though my mind was racing with fascination, I kept quiet. Tom and I walked
until we approached a dead end. I stopped walking, but he didn’t; he wasn’t
even slowing his pace. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I was definitely
sure that I wouldn’t smash my face into a stone wall any time soon. I had to
say something.
“Um...”
He shot back a devious grin. “You aren’t going to crash into the wall,” he
teased.
I covered my face with my hand and shook my head. This man and his fucking
Legilimency...I swear to god....
“Come,” he said, motioning with his index finger. I sighed and walked over to
him.
He touched part of the wall with the tip of his wand, and the area began to
glow neon green. The green slowly spread over the rest of the wall, causing the
stones to disintegrate one by one after they’d been glowing for a few seconds.
In place of the wall was a vast empty space. Tom pointed his wand into the
abyss and called out, “Incendio!"
What the hell?
The fire from the spell went straight to a curved, narrow duct I had not seen.
I watched in amazement as the fire spread upward through more branched-out
conduits, which ran up to the ceiling and zigzagged across. This network of
fiery pipes provided light to a gigantic hall.
I stood, mesmerized, scanning the multitude of tables piled high with papers,
bookcases, and potions of numerous colors which filled the countless cauldrons.
“What is this place?” I thought aloud.
“A place where you will be quite often,” Tom replied.
“Why?” I asked, as he led me down the steps into the enormous room.
After pointing his wand at the top of the stairs, the wall slowly moved back to
its original position.
“For many reasons,” he said. “First, you need to change your name.”
“How?”
“We will create a new birth certificate for you.”
“We can do that?” I laughed incredulously. “Wow. But—how come we need to?”
“Name changes are automatically recorded on magical birth certificates, just as
marriages are.”
“Oh.”
“There’s no need to worry. Those fools will be running in circles if we take
the necessary precautions.”
“What precautions?”
“Your birth certificate. We can’t make a new one without the original in front
of us.”
“How—?”
No. He’s insane. There is no way this could work. Magical birth certificates
simply cannot be tampered with.
Placing his hand on my shoulder, he began leading me further into the hall.
“It’s quite simple,” he said. “Don’t fret.”
“I’m not. I’m just—” I tried to look away, but he had a firm grip on my chin
before I could move an inch.
“You’re blushing,” he teased, slipping his other arm around my waist and
pulling me close.
I bit my lip.
Leaning in, he whispered, “You always do that when you’re uncomfortable or
uncertain.” He loosened his hold on my chin, but didn’t let go.
I fought a sudden urge to bite my lip again.
“Go on,” he chided, running a thumb over my bottom lip. “The impulse is almost
overpowering, isn’t it?”
I clenched my teeth, the only thing I could do to prevent myself from once
again biting my lip.
“Do you honestly think you can hide anything from me?” he chuckled.
I said nothing. He knew he had me cornered.
“I’d like to think you would have remembered everything I told you on your
first day here.”
How could I possibly forget?!
“Exactly.”
Growling in frustration, I clutched my forehead, but not for long. He slowly
moved my hands off my face and replaced them with his own.
“Listen to me, love,” he said firmly, bringing my face close to his. “There is
no use trying to keep anything from me. I know all of your nervous habits, your
pet peeves, the remarkably few things that genuinely scare you, those little
secrets you’ve tucked away in the back of your mind, hoping to take them to the
grave...everything.”
I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly before looking up at him again.
“The sooner you simply relax and begin to accept all of this, the sooner you
will feel comfortable,” he insisted. “You’ve been putting up a transparent
guard, and it’s only wasting your energy.”
I hung my head. He was right.
He smirked as he coaxed my chin up. “Are you ready to change your name, then?”
I nodded.
He led me to a black obsidian table, which shone so brilliantly that I could
almost make out my reflection. I wanted to touch the surface, but held back for
fear of marring the shiny surface with my fingerprints!
“What’s this for?” I asked.
“Watch.”
I looked up from the table as the most unusual sight began to unfold before me.
Pieces of what looked like solidified unicorn blood began sprouting out of thin
air. They grew larger and larger, finally joining together to form a large
sphere that hovered just above the obsidian table. I suppressed an unexpected
giggle as Professor Trelawney’s crystal ball suddenly came to mind, though the
object in front of me was at least eight times larger. I reached out to touch
it, but hesitated.
“May I?” I asked.
“Am I making any attempt to stop you?” he responded.
As soon as my finger made contact with the surface of the strange sphere, the
area I touched became transparent. I took my finger off the surface, and that
one spot remained clear. It stuck out like a dot of cleanliness on a surface
covered with glossy dust.
A few seconds later, I noticed a large portion on the other side of the sphere
turning transparent. I sidled over to where Tom was standing and saw that he’d
placed his whole left hand flat on the sphere, and the transparency was
spreading. I watched in fascination as the remaining opaqueness disappeared. I
figured that he would then remove his hand from the surface, but he didn’t.
Instead, he smirked at me, looked back at the sphere and said, “The British
Ministry of Magic.”
A bird’s eye view of the Ministry instantly became visible inside the sphere.
Suddenly, something clicked in the back of my mind and my breath caught in my
throat.
This—no. No way. I must be wrong.
I didn’t want to be right about this.
“Can—can you see anything inside that sphere?” I asked apprehensively.
He nodded slowly.
And then it hit me.
No. No. I don’t believe it—it was THIS EASY?!
I tried, futilely at first, to speak.
“Go on,” he urged, his smile widening.
“So, this—this globe is...this is what you...is this how you found me? Is this
how you watched me...for...I don’t even know how long....” My voice faded. My
heart was pounding.
“You must understand that I did intend to tell you in the near future, had you
not figured it out today,” he answered, resting his hands on my shoulders. He
regarded me for a moment, his face devoid of emotion, and slowly slid his hands
down my arms. I didn’t know what to say, so I simply nodded. Nothing I said
would have made any difference. What was done was done.
But I still needed answers. Something inside me was screaming frantically,
begging me not to ask him any more questions because I knew the truth would
terrify me, but my curiosity took over.
“But how?” I asked. “How did you find me? How did you—”
“I had recently begun watching various areas of Hogwarts to scout out new
recruits. I was surveying the Slytherin common room one evening during your
sixth year, and I noticed you immediately. You made quite an impression.” He
stroked my cheek with a grin.
“How? What was I doing that made me stand out to you?”
“You were studying, as were some of your Housemates, but it was clear that no
one wanted to be near you. You had an entire couch to yourself,” he chuckled.
“I found your behavior intriguing. You kept glancing around like you were
waiting for someone to dare to enter your territory, just so you could pounce
on them. You simply radiated darkness. It called to me.” He gave me a sly grin
and caressed the back of my neck. “I also thought you were absolutely gorgeous.
That hasn’t changed.”
Okay, that wasn’t so bad. And that actually sounded pretty sexy. But why do I
feel like any more questions will open up Pandora’s Box? I should probably
change the subject, but maybe....ugh, fuck it. I’m too curious.
I smiled awkwardly, even as I felt my heart drop. “That happened a lot. Even
when I went to the library, people would often stop speaking when they saw me
coming—or they’d suddenly have to be somewhere else if I needed a book by their
table.”
“I know. I saw.”
My eyes widened once again. “Wh—how much did you see? How often did you watch
me?”
“It didn’t become a routine event for a few months, but you made enough of an
impression that I realized I needed to watch you more closely. And I saw quite
a lot.” He grinned wickedly.
I blushed. “What—what do you mean by a lot?”
“How do you think I knew what makeup you wore before I brought you here?” he
taunted. “How do you think I knew what shower products you preferred?”
“What?? No. NO!! You—”
“How do you think I knew exactly when you were planning to sneak into Knockturn
Alley?”
“How? I don’t know!” I cried. “I never told anyone I was doing that!!”
“I saw you write about it in your journal, of course.”
He may as well have ripped my clothes off and forced me to stand naked in a
public place. But even that would make me feel less exposed than I did now. I
quickly stepped away from him and walked to the opposite side of the globe. I
needed that distance between us. I didn’t want to be within his reach.
“Did—did you make a habit of doing that?” I asked shakily. I wasn’t sure that I
really wanted the answer, but I couldn’t go back now.
“More so as time went on. I wasn’t sure if you truly were as malicious as I now
know you are, since so many people put on airs to impress others. Especially
Slytherins. As proud as I am to be descended from Salazar Slytherin, I have
always noticed that many Slytherins try to use their Sorting as a badge of
honor when they haven’t actually done anything of value with their lives. They
don’t understand that they don’t automatically earn a position of authority in
life just because the potential for greatness is there.”
I chuckled humorlessly, having made similar observations myself, but I felt not
the least bit amused. Though I found myself relaxing as he talked further.
“I know that no one really is as formidable as I am, so I was cautious at
first; but when I saw what you were writing, I realized that you were genuine,”
he praised. “Reading your most private thoughts piqued my curiosity in a way
that nothing else has for a very long time.”
“Did you plan on bringing me here, back then?”
“Not to my home, specifically—my initial plan was simply to seek out Hogwarts
students who showed potential in serving my cause, and find ways to communicate
my interest in them through my current followers. But the more I learned about
you, the more I realized that you were a cut above the rest and I needed to pay
more attention to you. I wanted more from you. I knew I needed to change my
orginal plan.”
“What made you decide to bring me here? When did you know it was the right
time?”
He smirked and walked over to me to take my hands in his. “When I saw you slip
under your invisibility cloak and sneak into the Hogwarts library in the middle
of the night. I saw what books you stole when you returned to your dorm. I saw
you looking through Most_Potente_Potions in bed, by wand light.”
He stepped in closer still, his face an inch from mine, basking in my sudden
anxiety before delivering the final punch.
“And then, you whispered something while you ran your finger down my yearbook
photo with a secretive grin on your face. And I could’ve sworn I saw you
blush.”
“Oh my FUCKING god!” I growled, while breaking out of his hold. I began backing
away from him, shaking my head and glaring bitterly.
“EXCUSE ME?!”
“I’m sorry, I just—that was supposed to be private!! I never told anyone about
that night!! How could you?? I’m still my own person!! I’m not a piece of
fucking property to be poked and prodded and turned inside out and gawked at!!!
I don’t deserve to be treated like that; I don’t care WHO is doing it!! This is
RIDICULOUS!!!”
My face was hot and my adrenaline was surging. My hands were twitching. I had
just screamed my head off at Lord Voldemort and I didn’t even care. I felt so
betrayed. I was outraged that he had intruded on one of the most private
moments of my life, which I’d never planned on revealing to anyone; not even
him—well, especially not him. But that obviously didn’t matter now.
Tom cackled as he slowly started to follow me. His eyes flashed in a savage
ferocity as his temper flared. “My dear girl, you are splendidly brilliant, but
when will you ever learn? Nothing about you is private anymore. Not to me! Stop
this posturing. Stop this strutting around like you can actually close yourself
off to me like you do everyone else! I am NOT everyone else!! And I will NOT
have you treat me as if I am!! I am more than they are!!”
I looked at him incredulously as he closed the distance between us. “Tom, I’m
not pos—”
“SILENCE!” He clamped his right hand over my mouth and nose. Hooking his left
index finger under my robe at the back of my neck, he dragged me backward, with
his other hand still on my face, and shoved me against the stone wall. He
grabbed a fistful of my hair and jerked my head back, so I would be forced to
look into his fiery eyes.
There. You did it. Pandora’s Box is open. Are you happy now, you idiot?
He clutched my shoulders firmly as he leaned in and pressed his cheek to mine.
“Do. Not. Talk back to me. Ever. Again,” he fumed, enunciating each word
slowly. “One more outburst like that, and I will have you naked and chained to
this wall for a week. And trust me: those chains will be the least of your
concerns.”
I could feel his heart pounding with rage against my chest as his fingers dug
into my shoulders. Time stood still. My entire world had suddenly shrunk to
Tom’s warm body pressed against mine, his hot breath heavy on my ear, and the
cold stones chilling my back. I could feel his fury radiating off of him and
ghosting over my skin in ominous whispers. All I could hear was our staggered
breathing. His scent filled my nostrils and I struggled to fight down a mixture
of terror and arousal.
“Do you understand?” he asked quietly, pressing his lips to my ear as he spoke.
“Yes, Tom.”
He gripped my hair even tighter and slammed my head back against the stones. I
winced.
“Yes, my Lord.”
“That’s right.” A smirk crept across his harsh visage. My shoulders slumped and
I exhaled slowly as he turned his back to me and walked forward a few paces. I
thought that was the end of it. And then he suddenly whirled around, wand
extended.
“IMPERIO!”
A cool haze enveloped my body and I swayed on my feet. My eyes closed. I was
vaguely aware of my breathing, which had slowed dramatically. It was almost too
slow to keep me alive. This should have scared me; however, I found myself more
interested in the sudden hypnotic buzz in my head. My thoughts were moving
through molasses. The sensation was oddly pleasant, like falling asleep after a
long day. I relaxed, but not enough to feel fully comfortable—something was
off. Something was very, very wrong. Giving in and allowing this pleasurable
fog to control me would be so easy, but the thought of taking that plunge
turned my stomach. Somewhere off in the distance, I heard Tom’s voice ordering
me to unfasten my robe and rake my fingernails over my chest until I reached
bone.
He was trying to make me claw my skin off. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.
“NO-O!” I shouted, though my tongue felt like heavy cotton. “I...I c-can’t—”
“Yes, you will,” his voice echoed. “You’re out of warnings, my little
spitfire.”
No...resist...resist. You’re...strong enough...to beat this curse. Don’t...let
him...do this. Don’t let...him get...away with this....
“No, silly girl. You’re not strong enough to fight me off. And you never will
be. I’ve already warned you not to resist me. You are either an asset to my
cause, or a detriment; and you are smart enough to know that I do not allow
detriments to exist. Keep this up and I will kill you without a backward
glance.”
The curse was too powerful. And I didn’t want to die. I robotically opened my
robe and dug my nails into my chest until porcelain skin and sticky scarlet
caught under my nails. I shrieked and tried to stop the motion of my hands, but
I had no control over them. Something was moving my limbs for me—no way this
was my doing. I would never act like this. I was swimming against a current
that was determined to pull me under and suffocate me under its frigid depths.
And as strong as I was, the current was mightier. The more I struggled, the
more my resolve weakened. My arms were tiring. My brain was tiring.
Tom’s voice still resounded in my head, ten times louder than my screams. I
thought my eardrums were about to burst.
“Do you actually think you can match my power?” he demanded. “You think you can
scream at me like a petulant child just because you’re accustomed to always
having the last word? Not here, love. Not with me!”
I screamed louder as my fingernails dug in deeper.
“Do you feel special now? Do you feel confident now?” he jeered. “You have no
power against me. You have no authority! Your insubordination is completely
unacceptable! I will not tolerate this. You either work with me, and behave to
my satisfaction, or you die. I will not permit you to live if you disrupt my
plans in any way. No more chances.”
I tried to hold my hands still, but felt them rise up and close around my
throat. My vision blurred and my ears popped as I gasped for air. This was it.
The ring meant nothing. Tom’s fondness for me meant nothing. I flashed back to
all the conflicts I’d encountered as a confrontational child because I had just
wanted what I’d wanted, consequences be damned. I hated rules. I hated giving
up control, and I wanted the final say on everything. I was too headstrong.
Many other people had deferred to me after I exerted myself, but I wasn’t
dealing with regular people anymore. My temper had finally done me in. I had
finally angered the wrong person. After everything I had achieved thus far, it
was all a waste. I was going to die here.
This isn’t right...this can’t be the...end...I have...too much...to do...I’m
so...much more than...this....
Seconds before I would have collapsed, the fog lifted. I sputtered and coughed
as my shaking hands dropped to my sides. I stared at them in horror before
clutching my stomach, feeling more stunned and embarrassed than anything. Tears
prickled the corners of my eyes as I saw and felt the damage to my chest. I
shuddered as I hesitantly touched the carmine streaks.
I wasn’t sure of what to do next, but I knew I couldn’t remain hunched over
like this forever. I bit my lip and anxiously looked up at Tom. He was twirling
his wand in his hand, looking at me like he expected me to throw myself at his
feet and beg forgiveness. That I would never do. But I couldn’t remain silent,
either. I had to make amends somehow. He needed me to admit that I had brought
this on myself.
“Tom...I’m...I’m sor—” I croaked.
“Not yet, you’re not.”
“What do you m—”
“CRUCIO!!”
I fell to the floor, screaming wildly in both anguish and indignant rage. As I
thrashed and writhed, I berated myself for my inability to tame my explosive
anger over Tom’s actions. It was dangerous, as was the naïve belief that I
could actually stand up to Tom and get away with it simply because he’d put a
ring on my finger.
I was not his equal. He had no equals. Okay, cool, so I was on a first-name
basis with him. I knew for a fact that no one else was. And his declaration
that I was “a cut above the rest” and that my darkness had “called to him” was
gratifying, but it meant absolutely nothing at this moment. Despite his desire
to have me one day rule the Wizarding world beside him, he was still my
superior and there was not a damn thing I could do about it. I was powerless
against him in every sense of the word.
Under the Cruciatus curse, it felt like my bones were being crushed and my
muscles were twisting and tightening around themselves. I screamed at these
nightmarish sensations. And I was enraged at Tom’s intrusive spying. I was
enraged that he had reduced me to this howling mass of agony and humiliation,
stripping me of the pride I’d always held so dear. All of that was gone now. My
privacy—and with it, any semblance of dignity—had been torn away before I’d
even realized what had happened, and I’d had absolutely no say in the matter. I
screamed about that, too.
I wasn’t sure which pain hurt more.
When Tom finally lifted the curse, I saw him kneeling on the floor next to me.
His face was blank. He glided the tip of his wand over my hip, and the fabric
of my robes split apart. He absentmindedly ran his fingers over the exposed
flesh before tracing a line with his wand over the bone to open the skin. My
breath hitched as blood began to drip from the cut. Tom sank to the floor and
repeatedly pressed his lips to the wound while snaking his right arm across my
waist to hold me still. My brow furrowed as I saw him slowly raise his left arm
and point his wand at my heart. His eyes were blazing.
“Tom, what—”
“Crucio,” he whispered against my torn skin. I began screaming again as the hot
waves of exquisite agony roiled inside me once more, amplified further by Tom’s
teeth repeatedly sinking into my injured flesh, and his fingers digging into my
waist while he gripped my keening, convulsing form. He kept this up for at
least five minutes before he finally lifted the curse and gently placed his
wand on the floor. My head swam as he began rubbing my right shoulder and
uninjured hip while placing slow, passionate kisses all over my bleeding one. I
would’ve given anything to have known what he was thinking in that moment.
“I’m sorry...I’m sorry....” I whimpered, still trembling from the effects of
the curses.
“Oh, I know,” he chuckled as his fingers danced over my torso. “As you should
be. No one speaks to Lord Voldemort that way. No one. Not even his
breathtakingly beautiful wife.” He licked his bloody lips and smirked at my
feeble attempt to hide the anguish and fear written all over me. After staring
me down for a moment, he leaned over me to stroke my hair and kiss the deep
lacerations on my chest. I wanted to scream at the sharp pain, but held my
breath and bit my tongue instead, unnerved by the sudden gentleness of Tom's
touch. I didn’t dare move an inch until he let go of me and stood up.
His face was icy as I staggered to my feet. After regarding him briefly, I
cautiously drew my wand and pointed it at my right hip. He touched my wrist
just before I opened my mouth to cast a spell.
“Only your robe,” he commanded softly. “Not your skin. If you so much as
attempt to heal your skin, we shall repeat the activities of the past ten
minutes. Perhaps more than once.”
I sighed and nodded. Holding out the side of my robe away from my skin, I
pointed my wand at the fabric and whispered, “Reparo.” I then cast a Cleansing
spell on my body to remove the blood.
As soon as I had pocketed my wand and re-fastened my robe, Tom forcefully
grabbed my chin and jerked my head up so I would look into his eyes. He shook
his head slowly, tightening his grip on my jaw.
“Never again, my girl. Never again,” he warned darkly.
“No,” I breathed, and hung my head. He cupped my face in his hands and placed a
light kiss on my lips. I gingerly looked up at him, trying to figure out what
he was thinking. He simply held my gaze and stroked my cheeks, smugly taking in
the effect of his power over me. I wisely kept my mouth shut. My jaw throbbed
where his fingers had been.
“Enough of that,” he murmured after a long, awkward silence. “We have a job to
do.”
He took my hand and led me back to the globe. The mini-Ministry was still
clearly visible inside, and I was curious about what Tom was planning. “What
happens now?” I asked him tentatively, making sure to sound as docile and
respectful as possible.
“Well, obviously, your birth certificate is somewhere in this house of fools,”
he replied flatly. He didn’t look at me or acknowledge my efforts at behaving
to his satisfaction. It was as if the previous events hadn’t even happened.
Instead, he put his hand back on the sphere, looked at the mini-Ministry with
contempt, and asked, “Where is Alexandra Selina Halaway’s birth certificate?”
What happened next amazed me.
Since it had appeared in the globe, we’d been looking at the Ministry of Magic
from a bird’s eye view. Now, we saw it as if we had just entered the building.
I then saw the halls on the Ministry’s first floor passing by as if I were
walking through them.
“Is it...giving us directions?”
“In a manner of speaking, yes. We are being virtually led to the location of
your birth certificate.”
I thought for a moment. “Why can’t I just summon it?” I asked, watching the
globe lead us to the third floor.
“Why can’t we just remove all of their protective enchantments?” he scoffed.
Looking back at the sphere, he snarled as our ‘tour’ showed Draco Malfoy
walking down the hall with two Aurors—clearly, they were friendly with one
another. I fought the urge to spit at the image of Draco.
It was true, then. Malfoy Junior had joined the Order of the Phoenix—or, at
least, he had joined the opposing side. I don’t think any of the Death Eaters
had ever trusted Draco—a choice I would’ve backed 100 percent, had I been
there. The Ministry is probably the only authoritative power that welcomes
chickens such as Draco with open arms; but then again, it is also run by one.
For now, at least. I wondered if Tom was currently planning anything for Draco,
or if he was too preoccupied with this birth certificate business.
“Bastard,” I mumbled under my breath, even though the view of Draco had long
since gone.
I felt a squeeze on my right shoulder. I looked up, only to be greeted with a
gesture to look back at the globe.
Inside was a view of an office that looked like a long hallway. The room
contained endless rows of cabinets, desks, and drawers of all sizes. There were
a few quills and rolls of parchment scattered around the desks, but my focus
was instantly drawn to the far wall—in particular, a drawer just off-center.
This drawer was glowing green.
“That’s it,” I said, just above a whisper. “It’s in that drawer.”
“Yes,” Tom replied. “And you’re lucky you have dual citizenship, or this
wouldn’t work. You couldn’t Apparate to the American Ministry from here.”
“But what does dual citizenship have to do with anything?”
“Magical birth certificates are created as soon as a witch or wizard is born.
Since your parents are from two different countries, you have two identical
birth certificates: one in America, and one in England. They are linked. This
means that when we alter one, the other will automatically change as well.”
“Wow! Okay, so what exactly do I have to do?”
“You’ll need to Apparate in front of the visitor's entrance to the Ministry.
Wait for someone to enter and go into the Ministry with them, since you can’t
exactly announce your arrival. Though you'll undoubtedly be wearing your cloak,
you can't go in alone. Anyone entering the telephone booth must state their
name and the purpose of their visit.”
"Okay."
“Now, obviously you will take the same path that the globe has shown you. Do
you remember it?”
Closing my eyes, I went over the directions to make sure I knew where to go.
“Yes,” I answered, and drew my wand. “Accio invisibility cloak!”
“I will be watching you in the globe while you’re there,” Tom added. “I don’t
anticipate you running into any trouble, but I'll want to know exactly where
you are throughout this process, just in case.”
“All right. Am I leaving from here?” I asked as I felt the soft fabric fall
onto my arm.
“Yes. As soon as you have possession of the certificate, I will summon you
back. Now go. And be careful.”
I nodded and draped the invisibility cloak over my body. After reviewing the
directions in my head once more, I Apparated outside the visitor's entrance to
the Ministry of Magic.
***** You’ll Never Know the Way Your Words Have Haunted Me *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
I quietly slipped inside the telephone booth to await the next Ministry
vistitor. I must have stood there for twenty minutes before someone entered. It
was a balding middle-aged man who I imagined could blend in anywhere. A safe
bet. He dialed in, and the welcome witch’s voice resounded inside the elevator,
“Please state your name and your business.” The man’s name was Daniel
Sebastian, and he had a meeting scheduled with a Stephanie Thompson in the
Goblin Liaison Office. Nothing at all to do with sneaking a Death Eater inside.
I held my breath and pressed my back against the wall as we descended into the
Ministry, and only relaxed when we had both left the telephone booth. He hadn’t
the slightest clue of what had just happened.
I scanned the premises once I had some breathing room. Luckily for me, no one
appeared to have noticed that Old Danny had just inadvertently let a fugitive
into a government building.
The Atrium was gigantic—larger than the Great Hall at Hogwarts. Its dark,
swooping ceilings were easily fifty feet high, and the space above everyone’s
heads was dotted with flying inter-departmental memos. I giggled at my sudden
urge to start swatting at them, just to see what would happen. (I was still a
child, apparently.)
As the globe’s perspective hadn’t done the mammoth edifice justice, my task
suddenly seemed more daunting; though I felt a bit calmer as I slinked through
the Atrium. I realized that as long as I kept silent—an art I had mastered long
ago—the chance that I’d run into trouble would be very slim.
I stopped to admire a colossal fountain and a set of golden statues depicting
several magical beings, human and non-human. It was beautiful. It occurred to
me that if were to ever return to the Ministry without having to hide myself, I
would love to simply walk around and admire the architecture.
While weaving in and out of the crowd on my way to the elevators, I did a
double-take as I saw a man who appeared to be Lucius Malfoy. On second glance,
I saw that it wasn’t him; but he did look familiar. I just couldn’t place where
I’d seen him before. And it was surprising to see a different wizard with long
platinum-blonde hair. I wondered if I could find out who he was, but there was
no time for introductions.
Some areas were more crowded than others. The Atrium was easy to navigate, as
there was always space to move around the other people. However, I was nearly
discovered on my way down to the administrative offices. As I couldn’t get into
an elevator alone, I had to wait for someone going down to Level 1. This had me
hovering around the elevators and awkwardly dodging foot traffic in the area.
After ten minutes had passed, I began to wonder how long I’d have to keep up
such ridiculousness. And then someone finally approached an elevator to descend
to Level 1.
It was Cornelius Fudge. The Minister of Magic.
You have got to be shitting me, I thought. I held my breath once again and
silently slipped into the elevator beside the Minister, shaking my head in
disbelief.
All went well until the elevator stopped at Level 6 for an inter-departmental
memo. It zoomed into the elevator, zipped around for a moment, and hit me in
the face. Fudge noticed that the parchment was momentarily thrown off-course
and glanced suspiciously in my direction. At the exact moment I crouched down
to avoid being hit again, Fudge reached out and grabbed the air where my cloak-
covered head had been. My heart was in my throat as the Minister looked around
suspiciously before shaking his head and turning back around. I didn’t dare
move a muscle until the elevator finally stopped on Level 1.
What a place to be discovered. I didn’t even want to think about what would
have happened, had Fudge seen me. I considered myself extremely lucky.
Tom is either laughing hysterically or planning another punishment for me, I
thought. Or maybe I got lucky and he actually didn’t see that. But probably
not, knowing him. Nothing escapes this man’s scrutiny. I’d better brace myself
for an earful when I get home.
I gave a sigh of relief after exiting the elevator behind the Minister, who
gave one last suspicious look around before shrugging and walking away from me.
I stood for a moment and looked around to make sure no alarms were going off
before heading to my destination.
This is it, I told myself as the office containing my birth certificate came
into view. The door was closed. I slowly turned the knob, but it barely moved.
Ugh. Of course.
After glancing in both directions to make sure the coast was clear, I quickly
drew my wand, pointed it at the doorknob and whispered, “Alohomora!”
I would’ve been elated, had the door not creaked as it opened. I cringed as I
spun into the office and hurriedly shut the door. Come on, you can do this! I
told myself.
Luck must’ve been on my side, seeing as no one was in the room upon my entry. I
cast a Silencing spell around the office, pointed my wand at the drawers along
the back wall and called out, “Accio birth certificate!”
The drawer that had glowed in the sphere opened, and a piece of parchment
zoomed into my awaiting hands. I paid no mind to the fact that my cloak had
just slipped off my head and onto my shoulders.
I glanced at the parchment to make sure it was indeed my birth certificate, and
then carefully rolled it up and placed it in one of my robe pockets. And then
the door flew open. I pulled my cloak back over my head, but it was too late.
“I saw your head! I know you’re in here! Reveal yourself, intruder!” the man
barked. He had his wand at the ready.
I silently moved to his left while drawing my wand. I waved it at the door and
it closed instantly. The man jumped back.
“Whether or not you reveal your identity, I will report your presence to the
Minister! There’s no way out of this!” he continued, although I detected a
quiver in his voice.
I waved my wand at the door once again to lock it. The man jumped again, this
time whirling around to face the door. I caught a full view of his face as he
did this, and my heart skipped a beat. I hadn’t seen those dark eyes and curly
brown hair in three years, and thought I never would again. But here they were.
And I knew just how to finish the job.
It looks like I have some extra business to take care of today.
“There’s no way out of this for you, Matthew,” I said, pointing my wand at him.
“Silencio!” It was hard not to smirk at his bulging eyes after I let my cloak
fall to the floor. I stared him down for a moment, expressionless, just to
spook him further.
“Well, hello there, my old friend,” I sneered after a moment. “Petrificus
totalus!” He fell backward and hit the floor with a loud fwump.
I then cast a Silencing spell around the room, folded my cloak, and tucked it
under my left arm as I walked over to the stunned figure of someone who I
thought—and hoped—I would never see again: a once-close school friend, and
almost boyfriend, who later became my nemesis.
“Funny we should meet this way, after all this time,” I continued. I fought the
urge to stomp on his stomach; I had a lot to say.
“You: the one who promised me so much, and gave me so little. You pulled me in
and pushed me away for far too long. One minute, you loved me; the next minute,
you couldn’t get away fast enough. You never gave me a straight answer about
anything. You made me wonder if I’d been the one with the problem, just like
everyone else did, but it was you the whole time. YOU were the problem. YOU
were the poison. YOU were the broken soul who could never have a healthy
relationship, or even friendship, because you’re too fucking scared. You’re too
much of a coward to let anyone in. You’d rather put on a face and pretend to be
a thousand times tougher than you really are! You’d rather fool all those
blind, naïve little girls into thinking you’re a fucking GOD, rather than be
real and actually have a meaningful connection with someone who cares about you
for the person you really are. You couldn’t handle that, could you? You fucking
phony! Putting on airs and strutting around like your delusions of grandeur can
actually heal your pain. You are sick!
“I had no one, don’t you remember? My own family couldn’t stand me! You
actually made me feel like I belonged somewhere. I felt safe with you! I felt
excited with you! I thought I could actually be myself with you, at least to
some extent, but you couldn’t give that back. You made me think that everyone
would eventually stab me in the back just as brutally as you did! And you
couldn’t even own your shit! You couldn’t at least apologize! You couldn’t
handle anything authentic because you’re too sick inside. I let my fucking
guard down for the first time in my life, and you threw it back in my face! You
taught me to trust no one...to never get my hopes up...to expect everyone to
turn their backs on me the way you did. You were the one person I actually
WANTED to care about me. How the fuck did you get to me like that? How did you
twist and contort me to make me act so WEAK? So out of character? I hated
myself with you, once I got over you. I can't believe I allowed you to
humiliate me like that...but you made me a hell of a lot stronger after the
fact. I never thanked you properly.” I kicked him in the side. Since he was
still under the Silencing spell and Body-Binding Curse, he didn’t react. I
contemplated lifting the spells just to see some genuine reaction to my tirade,
but that would have been way too risky. I couldn’t risk him fighting back. I
wished I could at least use Legilimency, but that was apparently too advanced
for the moment. Oh well. You win some, you lose some.
“You made me think that everyone would eventually stab me in the back just as
brutally as you did!” I admonished.
I lifted the Body-Binding Curse, but kicked him again so he couldn’t get up. A
tear rolled down his cheek and I cackled while digging the heel of my shoe into
the side of his face. I felt a pop.
“It’s too late to apologize, sweetie,” I taunted with mock-gentleness. Stomping
on his stomach, I unfolded my invisibility cloak and prepared to drape it over
myself. I then pointed my wand at his heart.
“You have no idea how long I have waited to do this,” I growled, with even more
menace than I thought I possessed.
I paused, savoring the moment before I shouted at the top of my lungs, “AVADA
KEDAVRA!”
My former flame had just perished by my hand.
There was no time to stay and admire my handiwork, however, because I felt my
left forearm burn not two seconds later. I took one last look around the room
before removing the Silencing charm and quietly slipping out the door.
After quickly retracing my steps, I exited the Ministry through one of the floo
grates. I landed in an empty shop inside Knockturn Alley, of all places. I
giggled to myself and Disapparated.
Chapter End Notes
     For those of you who have been following SWQ since the beginning:
     sudden inspiration motivated me to bulk up Chapters 6 and 13 this
     week. Torture abounds. Go have a look.
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