Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/305295.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural_RPF
  Relationship:
      Jensen_Ackles/Jared_Padalecki
  Character:
      Jensen_Ackles, Jared_Padalecki, Christian_Kane, Chad_Michael_Murray,
      Danneel_Harris
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe
  Stats:
      Published: 2010-12-08 Chapters: 4/4 Words: 35578
****** Sink Us, We'll Swim ******
by saucyminx
Summary
     Kind of a Queer As Folk J2? Jensen is in his late 20’s and completely
     unprepared for someone like 17 year old Jared. Jensen is hardened by
     his experiences and doesn't believe in "love".
***** Chapter 1 *****
No matter what happened in his future, Jensen supposed he would always remember
the very first time he met Jared Padalecki. It was impossible not to because
almost instantly Jensen had noted all the things about the boy that made him
appealing. His shaggy brown hair, the supposedly casual way he leaned against
the wall, the gentle fidget of his fingers over the edge of his too tight baby
blue shirt. Jensen had been out with friends - the usual, Christian, Jason,
Danneel - but he’d been drawn to the boy like some sort of magnet he couldn’t
escape.
Even back then Jensen knew he was going to be trouble.
The boy - maybe a young man, Jensen had never been so good at guessing ages -
smiled at him and it was some adorable cross between shy and confident. Like he
was attempting to portray one thing while really lacking it all together. They
had been walking past from one bar to the next but Jensen’s steps slowed. He
stopped as the boy tipped his head in a faint nod of greeting that Jensen had
never understood the purpose of. Usually it looked foolish, but on this boy?
That wasn’t the case.
“You trying to get someone to buy you beer?” Jensen asked through a laughed,
sliding his hands into his pockets. “Usually standing outside liquor stores
helps kid. But I can appreciate your creativity for trying a gay bar.” Jensen
would never let on just how gorgeous he found the boy. He met the curious
glances of his friends before looking back into hazel eyes that sparkled in the
street lamp.
“I don’t really like beer. I’m Jared - what’s your name. I bet you have one of
those modern cool names.” Taking a step closer he smiled at the man and took in
his features. Trying to keep the smile on his face from growing too quickly,
Jared took note of the freckles that were painted across the man’s nose and
cheeks, the way his hair seemed to be just perfect. It was his eyes that got to
Jared in the end; they were piercing and clear, a green so bright that he could
see it clearly even in the late evening light.
Down the sidewalk Jensen heard a faint snort from Christian but he wasn’t sure
they could even hear Jared so he dismissed it and considered the boy once more.
His eyes seemed even brighter, his lips twitching like he was fighting against
a grin that would probably make Jensen feel breathless. Good to know there were
still attractive kids out there that didn’t feel the need to wear that
ridiculous emo hair cut with the side swiped bangs. “Depends on your definition
of modern cool. My name is Jensen.”
Jared nodded and let his grin loose. “It suits you. Jensen. I like that. Your
friends...” Jared glanced over at the people who seemed to be waiting
impatiently for Jensen.
“Yeah, my friends.” Jensen glanced their way once more and took a step back,
smiling curiously at Jared. “What are you doing out here? Waiting for someone?”
He could just imagine Christian and Danneel making bets over whether he’d try
and pick Jared up but for the official record, Jensen did not pick up kids
younger than his sister.
That was a complicated question. Well, Jared's answer was a bit complicated -
the honest one. "I'm trying to decide which club to go to, you know how it is."
Pressing his lips together he ran a hand through his hair and took a step
closer to Jensen again. "You going to Crystal tonight?"
“Hard to say where we’ll end up. Dani has a thing for Mox, something about the
leather.” Jensen’s gaze narrowed slightly as he watched Jared. “So, are you
telling me you just look really young for your age?”
“Jensen! Come on!” Christian called and grunted a moment later, muttering
something to Danneel who apparently had his back.
Laughing softly, Jensen shook his head and watched Jared for a moment longer.
“If you manage to get in, maybe I’ll buy you a wine spritzer, you know, since
you don’t like beer and all.” Jensen grinned at the boy and took another step
back. “See you around Jared.”
"I'll be there, Jensen." Jared grinned and bounced a little on his toes.
He watched as Jensen shook his head, smiled and turned to head off and rejoin
his friends.
Chad had better damn well hurry up and he'd better show up with their I.D. s or
Jared was going to kill him.
-=-=-=-
"That's him," Jared yelled.
Chad winced and rubbed at his ear for a moment before following Jared's finger.
"The blonde?"
"No, Jesus." Jared grabbed Chad's head and turned it down a little. "He's
wearing the tight jeans and the silky black button down. The tight black button
down." Jared groaned because now that Jensen had his jacket off, he could see
how well the guy was built. Great. He was incredibly good looking, sweet, and
was hot as well.
Chad leaned on the railing nonchalantly and squinted in the lights. "He's
dancing with that blonde guy."
Jared sighed and bit down on his bottom lip. Jensen was dancing with the
blonde. A blonde who looked at least five years older than Jared, and a hell of
a lot more well put together. Tugging at his t-shirt Jared leaned on the
railing beside Chad. "Guess it's his boyfriend."
Laughing, Chad turned to his friend. "What? Dude - he probably doesn't even
know him. This is a club. People come here to pick each other up. Besides, look
- they're not even talking or anything." Chad's eyes moved back over to the
dance floor and he took a swig of his beer.
Jared watched as Jensen moved closer to the blonde, hips swinging slowly, body
rubbing up against the man's side. "Oh God," he muttered and dropped his
forehead to Chad's shoulder.
"Dude - just go dance with him." Chad shoved at Jared.
"What?" Jared was upright instantly. It wasn't that he couldn't dance, he
could, hell, he practiced a lot at home when his folks weren't around to bitch
about his music.
"Go. Dance. With. Him." Chad nodded at Jared and patted him on the shoulder.
“Just go out there and dance?” Jared tried not to look as nervous as he felt.
The blonde was a pretty good dancer and judging by the way Jensen’s hips were
grinding - jesuschrist - against the guy’s hip, he was enjoying it.
“Okay,” Chad turned to Jared with a strange look on his face. “Isn’t this why
we’re here? You’re all ready to meet guys and have sex and all those other
things you made me listen to the other night?”
Jared had kind of blurted out a lot of stuff when he’d been with Chad at the
movie. He was just tired of watching all his straight friends dating and
listening to them talk about sex and making out and the million and one other
things Jared had never done. “Yes, Chad, but - okay - so what I just go dance
my way over to him? And... I what?”
“Dance, idiot. Move that ass, I’ve seen you do it - you’re hot Jared. You just
gotta go get him before someone else does.” Chad gave his friend a little nudge
toward the dance floor.
“Now?” Jared tried to keep his voice level and failed.
“Yes, now.” Chad slid both hands into Jared’s hair and messed it up a little,
leaving it hanging down over his eyes. He looked his friend up and down then
hiked up Jared’s t-shirt a little and pushed his jeans down so there were
settled lower on his hips. “There, perfect. Go get ‘im tiger” He shoved Jared
hard.
As soon as Jared’s feet hit the dance floor the crowd kind of parted for him.
He loved music so once his was out there it was easy to fall into the rhythm.
The lights made it hard to see, but he knew where Jensen was and danced his way
over there. At one point he was pretty sure he felt a hand on the small of his
back and kind of rolled off of it.
Jared could feel the sweat beading on his forehead, the small of his back; the
dance floor was hot. The bodies were all crowded together and there were
definitely some good looking guys. Jared blushed when he met a guy’s eyes and
the man squeezed Jared’s ass. One more quick spin and he was through the crowd
again and could see Jensen.
Jensen was still dancing with the blonde but his eyes were scanning the crowd
and Jared made sure he was in his line of sight without being too obvious.
Then, he just let go and danced. The bass was strong; thumping away in his
chest until it felt like his heart beat and it was easy to let his body move in
time to the beat. Lifting his arms up Jared swayed and closed his eyes, one
hand sliding though his sweat-damp hair to push it out of his eyes.
Honestly? Jensen wasn’t that surprised to catch sight of Jared through the
flash of lights and the slide of bodies. The boy sort of stood out, he was
easily ten times hotter than all the guys within a ten foot radius. Even hotter
than the guy he was currently dancing with and so, Jensen’s attention was
officially shifting. He turned with the pulse of the music and slid along the
next body pressing in around him.
He was too hot already, skin damping with beads of sweat, and as he danced his
way as subtly as possible to the side, his fingers slid up to work at the
buttons of his shirt. Then he was slipping between Jared and a dark-haired guy
that had been trying to pull him in close. Jensen gave the guy a charmingly
innocent smile over his shoulder before he turned to face Jared and let his
hands latch onto the boy’s hips to drag him in close.
“I had a feeling you’d turn up,” Jensen pressed his lips to the edge of Jared’s
ear, rolling his hips forward against the boy’s.
Jared's lashes fluttered closed as Jensen's voice was suddenly right there
against his ear. Swallowing, Jared draped an arm over Jensen's shoulder and met
the man's movements. Jensen was a good dancer, moving just the right way,
touching Jared just enough that it was about the hottest thing ever. He
couldn't help curling his fingers into the damp hair at the back of Jensen's
neck as he breathed against the man's ear. "You lose your friends?"
“No.” Jensen just mouthed the word as he pulled back and met Jared’s eyes. He
smiled at him for a moment then tipped his head to the side, indicating the bar
where his friends were likely camped out. Jason would never dance. Christian
would, given enough beer, and Danneel was hot enough to get gay boys swarming
over here whenever she tried to dance so drinks were necessary. Jensen slipped
his fingers just barely under Jared’s shirt and ghosted along smooth, creamy
skin. God, Jared was hot. Jensen was probably going to Hell just for thinking
things like that because this was just a kid.
Jared's step faltered for a moment, his skin pebbling with goose bumps. No one
had ever touched him like that - and God it was good. It was too good. Jared
swung his hips a little to the side so Jensen wouldn't feel how turned on he
was. The last thing he needed to was to come off like some sex-crazed kid
although Chad might tell him otherwise. Closing his eyes again he leaned in and
his lips ghosted across Jensen's cheek. Heat rose in Jared's body and he rocked
forward, forgetting quickly about hiding his hard-on. Rubbing against Jensen's
hip, he rocked slowly back and forth in time to the music.
Jensen had enough experience under his belt to usually not have any sort of
issue when it came to control. Any other person and feeling how hard they were
would have been flattering but not worth taking special note of. Only, for
whatever the reason, feeling the hard line of Jared’s cock rolling against his
hips had Jensen’s knees weakening just barely. He gripped Jared’s hips hard,
dragging him purposefully forward. Then it was just a few thin layers of cotton
and denim separating their cocks and Jensen moaned softly, closing his eyes and
resting his lips against Jared’s cheek, down to his jaw.
Closing his eyes again, Jared let the sensations wash over him. The music was
drowning out everything around them. Everything except the drag of Jensen’s
lips over his flesh, the way the man’s fingers were dug into his hips so
tightly and the rub of their hips. Sliding one hand down the silken material
that covered Jensen’s back, Jared slid his fingers into the man’s back pocket.
The muscles of Jensen’s ass tightened under his palm and Jared sucked in a deep
breath before letting his head fall back.
There was a little voice in Jensen’s head - that was a cross between Danneel’s
and Christian’s voices so it was really odd - that reminded him about how young
the boy was. No matter what image Jared was trying to portray, Jensen could
feel the slight tension, his nerves, maybe he was even a little scared of where
this could lead. But if it wasn’t him, then maybe Jared would go find someone
else who wouldn’t care about Jared’s age and would use him, leaving him broken
afterwards.
So Jensen slid his hands up into Jared’s hair, curling around his scalp and
bringing their lips together. It was just the brush of mouths to begin with,
sliding almost in time with the music, and then he pressed in harder, claiming
Jared’s lips in a long, lingering kiss. He tried to judge if the boy had the
same lack of experience with kissing but he was nothing but responsive, eagerly
so.
As far as first kisses went, Jared was pretty sure that this one would top most
everyone's. He felt the kiss right down his entire body. Jensen's lips were
gentle and yet, still firm, full and Jared just knew instinctively to part his
own lips and give in to the sensation. Even when Jensen's tongue slid forward
and ran just along Jared's bottom lip, all Jared did was shudder and drag his
hands up Jensen's back.
They were still swaying together, but the club had all but disappeared as far
as Jared was concerned. All he could hear was his own heart racing, all he
could feel was Jensen pressed up against him, Jensen's hands tangled tight in
his hair. He moaned and Jensen's body dipped closer as though he wanted to just
eat it up.
Somewhere along the line Jensen had all but forgotten about the people around
them. A man bumped into his back and Jensen just pressed closer to Jared,
slipping his tongue between the boy’s lips and tasting every inch of his mouth.
Jared tasted like chocolate and mint, like he’d brushed his teeth then eaten a
handful of M&Ms. For some reason that taste was addicting and Jensen moaned
into the kiss, hand sliding down to curve over Jared’s ass and roll his body
closer.
He pulled back from the kiss only when it became too much. If he didn’t stop
he’d end up dragging Jared to the back room and well, Jensen had sworn a while
ago that he’d stop having sex back there because it was tacky and he was
supposedly older and more mature. Jared’s cheeks were flushed, his eyes wide
and pupils blown. Jensen lifted a finger to run over the swollen curve of
Jared’s lips and he rocked forward once more, considering if he was strong
enough to leave.
Panting, Jared blinked his eyes open and caught Jensen's finger between his
lips so he could suck on the tip of it gently. He flicked his tongue over the
flesh, tasting the salty sweet of Jensen's skin before letting go. When his
gaze met Jensen's he could see how turned on the man was and slipped his
fingers forward over the man's hip to hook in his front pocket. Leaning in
Jared kissed the beaded sweat just below Jensen's ear. "I like dancing with
you."
Jensen swallowed another moan and tilted his head to the side, half smirking at
a man who was blatantly watching them. The songs were simply blending together,
one into another, and Jensen couldn’t think of any reason to pull away except
the practical one. There would be far too many complications if he allowed
anything to happen with this boy. “I need a drink,” he called beside Jared’s
ear and stepped back, smiling warm and charming at him before stepping further
back, turning and disappearing through the crowd to the bar.
Jared was a little stunned. One moment he'd been flush against Jensen's body
and feeling the heat of him and then in the very next instant he was watching
his back as Jensen left.
One of the men who'd been watching them danced closer to Jared and, frowning,
Jared pushed away gently and headed through the crowd after Jensen. He couldn't
see him, but he was sure he must have been heading toward the bar. Sure enough,
when Jared broke out of the press of bodies onto the slightly cooler seating
area by the dance floor he caught a glimpse of Jensen leaning back against the
bar talking to one of his friends.
Glancing over at Chad, Jared saw his friend widen his eyes and nod toward
Jensen. It was easy for Chad to encourage him; he didn't know how quickly
Jensen seemed to have changed his mind. Taking a deep breath, Jared ran his
fingers through his hair and tugged his t-shirt down then strode over to the
bar to lean against it just behind Jensen.
He didn't have to speak so loud to be hear away from the dance floor. "Did I do
something to offend you?" There was a shy smile on Jared's lips and his nerves
were leaving him feeling on edge.
“Offend me?” Jensen turned to Jared, not all that surprised that he was back at
his side once more. Glancing over he caught the wide eyes of Danneel - that
voice in his head again - and looked back at Jared. “We were dancing, not much
to be offended about there. Still want that wine spritzer?” He smirked at
Jared, wondering if he’d keep up this act of pretending he was old enough to be
here.
“I’ll have a beer,” Jared said as confidently as he could. Turning he leaned
his elbows back on the bar and stared out over the dance floor. Chad was waving
at him frantically like he wanted him to turn back toward Jensen and Jared just
gave him a look then turned his gaze away. Chad was a good friend but he could
be a little obnoxious.
“Mmhmm.” Jensen hummed softly and watched Jared for a moment, chuckling softly
then turning back. He leaned over the bar, palming a twenty and smiling at the
bartender until he came over. “Two.” He waved his fingers, grinning at the man
as he quickly grabbed two bottles and flicked off the tops. When he turned
back, Jared was trying not to look nervous and Jensen would find it adorable if
he was into that sort of thing. Which he wasn’t. “Have you ever even had a
beer?” He asked, sliding the bottle over to Jared.
“Me? Yeah. All the time.” Jared picked up the bottle and held it up to his
lips. It wasn’t the best thing he’d ever tasted but it wasn’t the worst. He’d
tried whisky at home, because that’s what his Dad drank. The beer was okay.
Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Jared lifted the bottle and rubbed
the condensation onto his forehead. “I’m hot,” he said and laughed softly.
“Right.” Jensen nodded, agreeing with Jared on the him being hot business. This
was a lot different than anyone else he might pick up; conversation was usually
not something they had often. “What are you doing, Jared? In a place like this,
with your crazy friend.” Jensen turned and gestured toward the blonde he’d seen
waving over at them.
Smile wavering a little Jared glanced over at Chad then back at Jensen. He was
going to punch Chad later. "That's Chad, he's...well, he's encouraging me.
Thinks I should get out and meet men." Jared didn't add that he hadn't really
ever met any guys because he wasn't out at school. He and Chad attended a
private school and even though they both still lived at home - they didn't
really know any other guys to hang out with. Well, they didn't know any other
guys who liked guys.
“So you come to a club?” Jensen frowned slightly and glanced over at his
friends. By this point they’d stopped looking curious and were verging on
incredulous. “Shouldn’t guys your age be meeting at, I don’t know, skate parks
or something?” Jensen sipped from his beer, eyeing Jared with as little
interest as he could manage. It was about time he start detaching himself
really.
"I can't skate. I'm kind of clumsy." Jared laughed, feeling more nervous by the
minute instead of more relaxed. This should be easy, talking to someone like
Jensen. So what if the man was about as close to perfect as someone could get.
"The truth? I had kind of chickened out until I saw you. But you're. Well,
you're sweet and really hot - and I kind of liked you. I thought you were
probably like way out of my league but Chad says I'm a good dancer and a good
catch for someone. Anyone." Jared took another sip of his beer and dropped his
gaze. "Chad also says I talk too much."
“Oh god.” Jensen groaned softly and rubbed along the back of his neck. Yeah,
detaching was definitely high up on the list. “Look, Jared,” Jensen smiled
softly and curled fingers over the boy’s wrist, squeezing softly. “I’m not
dumb. I can tell you’re not even close to being legal to be here. You want some
advice? Find boys your own age. These guys here? They’re assholes, they’ll fuck
you up and you’ll regret it. Me included. So you and Chad, just, you should
go.” Jensen released Jared’s wrist and patted his chest, trying not to linger
on the touch. Jared’s eyes looked a little sad at the words and Jensen looked
away before he could feel even more like an ass.
Jared frowned, smiled, and then just kind of stood there. “You’re not like that
- you wouldn’t. I mean - not all guys. And what’s wrong with being interested
in someone a little older than me? I don’t really find guys my age all that
interesting and you and I would get along. I bet, anyway...” Jared’s voice
trailed off and he turned to place his beer back on the bar.
Rolling his bottom lip under his teeth, Jared reached out and slid his hand
along Jensen’s arm. “Besides, who says I’m looking for some big life commitment
or something. Maybe I just want a night of fun.”
“Oh?” Jensen’s brows lifted and he stared at Jared for a long moment. In one
swift movement he pushed Jared up against the bar, sliding their hips
purposefully together and tucking his finger tips under the back of the boy’s
jeans. His lips brushed along Jared’s then across his jaw, down along his neck
and finally up to his ear. “So you’re telling me now, if I took you home and
fucked you that would be it? You’d have absolutely no problems with me never
calling or talking to you again?”
“N..Never?” Jared was pretty sure his heart had exploded and was lying in
little pieces in his chest. First kiss and first time being manhandled. Not
such a bad night. “I mean, sure. Why not?” Maybe, Jensen wouldn’t want to let
him go. Maybe. Unconsciously, Jared’s gaze flicked up to Chad’s face. Chad was
half up off his seat like he might need to coming running over and help. It was
sweet but made Jared feel a bit like he should be better at all of it. “You
might. You might want to see me again.” Jared leaned in a little and kissed the
corner of Jensen’s mouth.
“Jared.” Jensen pulled back, taking a step away and shaking his head. “You
don’t know me at all. And trust me; I am not what you’re looking for.” Sighing
softly, Jensen wondered how this had become the main event of his evening. He
squeezed Jared’s hip before reaching out for his beer again. “Trust me,
seriously.” He repeated in case Jared didn’t get it then tipped the beer back,
draining it in one go and turning to head to his friends. “Let’s go,” he
muttered as he passed.
“But Jen-” Danneel looked over at Jared, her eyes wide and sympathetic. “You
can’t just leave him.”
“He’s not alone. He’s got a friend. Would you rather I take him home and kick
him out in the morning?” Jensen eyed his friend, keeping his gaze pointedly
away from Jared. “Or, we could stay here and I could hook up with someone else
while he watches.”
“Fuck you’re an asshole.” Danneel huffed and shook her head, heading over to
Jared before Jensen could stop her. “Hey, you okay?” She asked Jared softly,
touching his arm.
Really Jared was anything but okay but he smiled and looked down at the petite
brunette. “No, I mean yeah. I’m - well, I guess i pissed him off.” Smile fading
Jared nodded over at Chad to let him know that he was on his way back. “Was
just gonna go anyway. Home I mean. Tell him...” Jared took a few steps back.
“Tell Jensen I’m sorry.”
Turning quickly Jared headed back to Chad, brushing past Jensen without saying
a word.
Jensen refused to watch Jared go, snagging Jason’s beer from his hands and
draining it despite the man’s protests. He flinched a moment later when Danneel
stomped up to him and slapped his arm. “Jesus, Dani, chill out.”
“You don’t have to be such a douche Jensen.” Danneel growled and shook her
head, flipping hair over his shoulder. “He was just a boy! And you were all
over him on the dance floor, making out with him and everything. You can’t just
do that to a kid.”
“Then he shouldn’t have been here.” Jensen snapped, glaring at her. “He’s lucky
I let him down now because it could have been a million times worse for him.”
Slamming the beer down on the bar, Jensen stepped back and rolled off the
tension on his shoulders. “Now the night’s ruined. I’m fucking going home.”
Jensen turned and left, ignoring the way Danneel and Christian both rolled
their eyes.
-=-=-=-
At twenty eight years old Jensen was just getting to the point where he was
questioning himself. Career-wise, Jensen couldn't be better off. He'd finally
made a name for himself in the art community and the plush lifestyle he lived
was nice. Plus, he set his own hours, and not having to work with anyone was
really nice. Instead he was commissioned to do art for various companies and
big wigs and worked his own shows in between. As far as the big plan went,
things were right on target.
It was everything else that was getting to Jensen. He had a handful of great
friends and he was still attractive enough he could get pretty much anyone out
there, but that wasn’t really what he wanted. Sure, one night stands were great
but god he was getting bored. There was only so many times he could hear you’re
really hot before his standard response became the roll of his eyes.
When he’d mentioned it to Christian the man had laughed and slapped the back of
his head, calling Jensen a prima donna and telling him to get over it. Danneel
had sighed and insisted he should give dating an actual shot - you know, not
having sex on the first night and calling them back a few days later? But
Jensen was fairly certain he was not the dating kind. He just couldn’t seem to
fathom finding a guy that was actually worth seeing more than once, someone he
could fall in love with.
Jensen was pretty sure things like love didn’t really exist. It was more likely
just the humans’ default reaction to loneliness. You convinced yourself you
were in love so you could spend the rest of your life sleeping in the same bed
with someone. Then, ten years down the line, you realized seeing the same face
day in and day out was like torture. So you went out, found someone newer and
fresher, and the process started all over until you died.
The first time he had explained that logic to Danneel, she had looked at him
like he’d just slaughtered babies in front of her while smiling and singing
Britney Spears. Or something as equally horrific. She wouldn’t talk to him for
a week after that until he broke down and apologized and told her that maybe
some people could fall in love, that he just wasn’t the type. It didn’t change
his opinion but it had her forgiving him at least.
So here he was, three days after the Jared incident at Crystal, eating a club
sandwich and trying not to flinch as Danneel detailed her most recent - quite
disastrous - date with some guy named Toby or Richard or something. She went on
so many dates Jensen couldn’t keep track.
“After he opened the door that smacked into my face, he tried to kiss me. And
well, his breath tasted like onion and garlic. I had sauce all over my favorite
blouse and a hole in my new Marc Jacobs’ pants. It was quite possibly the worst
date ever.” Danneel sighed and poked at her salad with her fork.
Jensen slowly set his sandwich down, rolling words around along his tongue. He
had to choose the right ones here. She was so sensitive to things and Jensen
didn’t want to say something like I told you so, no matter how tempted he was.
“Well uh, was he cute?”
“Of course he was cute.” Danneel rolled her eyes and flicked hair over her
shoulders. “Maybe I should just be a lesbian for a while.”
“And taste pussy? Ew.” Christian grumbled, shaking his head in mock disgust.
Jensen snorted on his Diet soda and looked over at his friend. “So you’re gay
this week?”
“For a month at least. Girls are too complicated.” Christian spoke around a
mouthful of burger, little pieces spraying out on the table in front of him.
“Oh yeah, I can see how the girls would be the issue.” Danneel sniffed
disapprovingly and wiped her hands on her napkin. “Gay boys are as uninterested
in barbarians as girls Christian so I think you’re screwed across the board.”
“Or not.” Jensen pointed out and picked at some paint until the edge of his
nails. When Danneel and Christian both just looked at him, Jensen rolled his
eyes. “Not screwed. Get it? No? Jesus you two are boring.”
“Wow.” Danneel’s eyes widened as she looked toward the door. “Looks like you
didn’t scare off cute little gay boy as bad as you thought.”
Jensen frowned, confused, and turned to look at the door. Sure enough, there
was Jared. He was wearing nice pants like he’d just come from somewhere
important but his t-shirt threw the whole thing off. He was also with that
blonde boy again, Chad, and both were looking around at the slightly avant
garde diner with curious eyes. Jensen groaned and dropped down in his seat.
“Maybe he won’t see me.”
“Get over yourself Jensen, I’m sure he didn’t come to find you. He’s gay! This
is a gay diner! He’s probably just getting lunch so stop being a douche.”
Danneel huffed, indignant on Jared’s behalf, for whatever the reason.
Jensen shook his head and looked over at Christian, half turning in his seat to
keep from tracking Jared’s movements. He may have thought about the boy once or
twice in the last few days but that was only because the kid was cute and he’d
left Jensen hard so he could appreciate that. Of course there was nothing wrong
with Jared hanging out in the gay district as long as that was all that it was,
and as long as he was careful. And left Jensen alone.
“Hey!” Danneel called and reached out and Jensen nearly groaned and slid under
the table. “Jared wasn’t it? I don’t think we met last time, officially. I’m
Danneel. This is Jason, and Christian. And I’m sure you know that asshole.”
“Shut up Dani,” Jensen hissed, glancing once up at Jared with a quick smile
then back down.
Jared had seen them when he came in although he had tried to keep his eyes
moving so that it didn't look too obvious. They didn't have much choice but to
stop on the way to their table. The server had been taking them right past
Jensen. Danneel's smile looked warm and Jared couldn't help his own smile
widening as he squeezed her hand. "Hi Danneel, thanks for being so sweet the
other night. This is my friend Chad."
"Hi there," Chad muttered.
Jared elbowed Chad and he mouthed what? before folding his arms and frowning.
"He was a dick," Chad muttered.
"Jensen," Jared said quickly to try and speak over Chad. "How are you?"
“I’m okay.” Jensen picked at the bread on his sandwich, not letting himself
look up again. It wasn’t his fault, Jared’s crotch was kind of right there and
he was human after all. But Danneel kicked him sharply under the table and his
eyes snapped up on instinct, a hiss falling from his lips. “Ouch, bitch.”
“Jesus Christ Jensen Ackles,” Danneel hissed back, giving him a hard look then
tilted her gaze up toward Jared.
Sighing softly, Jensen wet his lips and finally looked back up, confused by the
tiny pinch in his chest at Jared’s clearly, marginally upset expression. This
whole thing was probably really awkward for the kid, Danneel deserved to get
her ass kicked. “How are you?” He finally asked, giving Jared a genuine smile
to try and take that look away.
"Okay, thanks. Chad and I were just out for lunch and I told him I wanted to
come here." Jared found himself returning the man's smile and that rotten
tingly feeling was back in the center of his chest.
Chad took a breath as if to speak and Jared shot him a look that made the other
boy snap his mouth closed again. Jared had begged Chad to come with him, hoping
that they might run into Jensen. The last thing he needed was for Chad to blurt
that out.
"You guys, you come here a lot?" Jared tried to look over at Danneel but it was
hard for him to tear his eyes away from Jensen's while the man was smiling like
that. Damn him. He felt chad's fingers in his back pocket, tugging, and
shrugged him off. Chad didn't seem to think Jensen was all that great a choice.
“Oh yeah, all the time.” Danneel nodded quickly and looked around before
shrugging. “Come sit here with us.”
“Yeah, I was just about to head off to a meeting.” Christian shoved hard at
Jensen until he fell gracelessly out of the booth and nearly into Jared’s arms.
“You guys have fun though.”
“Let me out too,” Jason muttered to Danneel.
“Oh see! Plenty of room for you two!” Danneel exclaimed happily.
Jensen would have shot all his friends dirty looks but he was still sort of
clutching Jared and the boy was clutching him back and Jensen’s body was
reacting weirdly to the whole thing. “Uh, sorry. They’re kind of a lot.”
“Jared, you said we had to talk, alone.” Chad tilted his head slightly and
narrowed his gaze at Jared over Jensen’s shoulder.
Pushing Jensen back up to his feet and letting him go, Jared smoothed the man’s
shirt down. It was soft. “We can talk anytime, Chad.”
“Jared, you said if I thought-”
“Chad? Please?” Jared shot his friend a look. He knew that Chad was thinking of
the other night when he’d practically had to console Jared after Jensen chewed
him up and spat him out. “I mean, if Jensen really doesn’t mind - I know that
you don’t like young guys and...”
Chad stepped closer and slung his arm over Jared’s shoulder. “‘Course he likes
us, Jay. What’s not to like?” Pulling Jared with him Chad moved closer to the
table then dropped down quickly to sit beside Danneel. “Hey lovely lady.” He
smirked.
Laughing softly, Jared made at note to thank Chad later and scooted into the
booth quickly before Jensen could change his mind.
“Awesome.” Jensen muttered and slowly sat beside Jared. He could have just left
but Danneel would probably never forgive him for that and she was a little too
important to him to be so easily erased.
Danneel was giggling in that flirty way and Jensen couldn’t imagine her
actually having any sort of interest in Chad. “You boys are too cute. Do you go
to school around here?”
Jensen had tried to make himself feel better about being attracted to Jared at
all by rationalizing in his mind that the boy was probably in college, just a
young looking freshman, and he wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to know the
truth.
Jared worried his bottom lip for a few moments. "I'm in-"
"We're in college," Chad took over quickly. "We look young, I know, but we go
to Morgan. Not all that far from here. Jared and I are roommates - we went to
high school together."
Chad was lying through his teeth but right at that moment; Jared loved him for
it because Jensen actually looked a little relieved. Smiling, Jared shrugged
and said nothing. He was really bad at lying. "What do you do, Jensen?"
“I’m in the art business.” Jensen might be an asshole on occasions but he was a
modest asshole so that was something at least.
“In the art business?” Danneel scoffed and rolled her eyes. “He’s an artist and
he’s brilliant.” She pointed to the far wall of the diner and grinned. “He did
all of that, free hand, just from getting a few color suggestions from Misha.
He’s amazing.” She grinned when he looked down at his food and sighed, shaking
his head.
Jared's eyes moved over to the wall in the cafe and he was kind of surprised.
Once he was studying it - he realized there was a lot more to it, the swirling
shapes and colours, the fine lines and the thickness of some of the medium.
"It's kind of like, Lichtenstein. A little, I mean yours is much more colorful
and original - it's almost got a First People’s kind of quality." Jared glanced
over at Jensen and looked down blushing when he realized the man was just
starting at him.
"He's a who like what?" Chad frowned and laughed.
“Thank you.” Jensen said quietly, a little surprised that Jared would even know
someone like that. Or that he had any artistic knowledge at all. “Seriously.”
“I think you just impressed him.” Danneel pointed out and laughed softly,
grinning over at Chad. “No one impresses Jensen.”
“That’s kind of obvious,” Chad scoffed.
“Chad, Jesus.” Jared kicked him under the table and ended up with his knee
resting against Jensen’s leg.
“Well, he was kind of mean to you the other night. Sure, he’s being nice now-”
Chad cleared his throat and glanced over at the art on the walls.
“It’s okay, I shouldn’t have- well, I assumed...” Jared sighed. He wasn’t quite
sure what he had done to annoy Jensen so much but he was sure there was
something.
“Let’s just not talk about it.” Jensen suggested and glanced over at Chad. He
refused to be intimidated by some punk brat that had a stick up his ass because
Jensen had put Jared in his place. “It’s really better if we don’t go into
details.”
“Probably really better. Last time we had a serious conversation about things,
well, let’s just say I wanted to kill myself after,” Danneel huffed and leaned
forward, fluffing up Chad’s hair. “You boys tell us a little more about you.”
“What you wanna know, Danneel?” Chad sat back on the bench trying to look
cocky.
Jared laughed. “God, Chad. Please...”
“I think he’s adorable.” Danneel patted Chad’s cheek. “He’s like a precious
little doll.”
Jensen snorted, looking over at Jared. “She’s gonna want to dress him up, put
some make up on him and invite him to a drag show.”
Blinking, Jared turned to face Jensen and found that they were entirely too
close together. Dropping his gaze, Jared smiled and tried to tune out Chad as
he babbled away to Danneel. “You’re a very good artist,” he said softly.
“Thank you.” Jensen swallowed thickly; like he’d just realized that he was
actually having a good time and that surprised him. “It’s easy to be good if
you’re passionate about the thing. So uh, what are you in school for?”
“I ... well, English and ... I take well, you know how first years are - you
take a lot of different classes before picking a specialization.” Jared
couldn’t look at Jensen so he fiddled with the napkin that was on the table in
front of him. “Did you go to art school?”
“No.” Jensen shook his head and laughed softly, tapping his fingers on the
table. “Just kind of stumbled into things.” Jensen couldn’t really get into his
life story because that was weird. He didn’t plan on doing this thing with
Jared, and if they were just going to be friends, he needed time to get to
that. “Do you have some idea what you want to do? Big life goals and stuff?”
“Me?” Jared raised his eyebrows and scratched at his forehead for a few
moments. There were even freckles on the backs of Jensen’s hands. “I think, I’d
like to write - journalism maybe. Something like that anyway. There’s something
about putting words together that I find fascinating. Kind of - you know,
thinking about why we choose the stories we choose to keep. What’s so important
about some tales that we just keep passing them on.” Jared smiled and looked
up. “Sorry, I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”
Jensen stared at Jared for a long minute, trying to figure him out, because
even just a kid shouldn’t have thoughts like this. It seemed... way more grown
up. “It’s okay. Sounds like you have a passion for it, which is really you
know, how you get anywhere.” Jensen shrugged, smiling over at Jared for a
moment before looking back at Danneel and Chad. She seemed completely
enthralled by Chad which was amusing. Glancing back down, Jensen looked at his
phone then groaned. “I really should go. I have this piece, it’s supposed to be
ready by tomorrow and I’ve just completely lost my inspiration.”
“Could I come and see it? I’d love to see you working on something.” Jared
grinned brightly and let his leg rest heavier against Jensen’s. “I’ll even try
not to talk a lot.” Raising his eyebrows he bit down on his bottom lip.
“I’m not sure...” Jensen frowned, looking over at Danneel who had now turned
her attention to them and was nodding her head eagerly.
“You’re only a few blocks from here, I’m sure Chad could find his way back
without Jared.” Danneel urged and Jensen could really kill her for being so
supportive. If she put so much energy into her own love life then she’d stop
dating such losers.
Sighing, Jensen rubbed along the back of his neck before looking at Jared. “You
don’t have class or anything?”
“He doesn’t,” Chad answered quickly. “He’s done for the day.” Grinning, Chad
wrinkled his nose a little and stared at Jensen.
Jared elbowed Jensen gently, bumping their knees together. “C’mon. I promise
not to kiss you again.” Even though he was brave enough to tease Jared could
still feel his cheeks burning.
“Wow, way to twist my arm.” Jensen grunted and slid out of the booth, reaching
into his pocket he pulled out his wallet and tossed a five on the table,
pointing at Danneel. “You pay for your own today whore.”
“Thanks bitch,” Danneel laughed and slid her arm over Chad’s shoulder. “Bet
this boy here will pay for me.”
“Absolutely.” Chad winked at Jared then shifted a little closer to Danneel.
“Where were we darlin’?”
Rolling his eyes, Jared slid to the edge of the booth. “That means I can come?”
Jared stood and ended up pressed up against Jensen’s side.
“Yeah, come on.” Jensen tried not to smile too warmly at him and glanced over,
catching Misha’s curious eyes and quickly looking away. He led the way outside,
pausing at the coat rack by the door long enough to grab his coat and slip it
on before holding the door open for Jared. “Danneel won’t actually sleep with
Chad,” he said once they’d started down the sidewalk.
“Uh, okay.” Jared frowned at Jensen and fell into step just behind him so he
could watch his face. “You’re kinda focused on that, huh? You ever just meet
people and talk to them? Maybe just get to know them? Chad’s kind of a funny
guy.”
Jensen almost tripped on the sidewalk, annoyed that Jared actually made him
feel more like he jerk than he usually felt. “Good for him.” He mumbled,
stuffing his hands in his pockets and ducking his head down. There wasn’t
really much else to say to that so he just set a brisk pace, so familiar with
these sidewalks he didn’t even have to look up.
Jared ran a few steps to keep up. “You in a rush? You know, if you really don’t
want me around its okay. I’m not gonna like dry up and blow away or something.”
Jared slowed to his normal pace and just let Jensen walk ahead.
“You’re the one who wanted to come, Jared.” Jensen turned, walking backwards
and shrugging. “You don’t want to be here? Then don’t.” He was mildly annoyed
with both himself and Jared at this point and he certainly wasn’t going to
force Jared to come along with him.
Frowning again, Jared sighed and just followed along quietly. His hands were
cold and he jammed them into his pockets and stared down at the ground. No
matter what Jared tried to say he got it wrong.
By the time they rounded the third block and came to a stop in front of the
warehouse Jensen called home, he was actually feeling guilty which was even
more annoying. He stopped so suddenly Jared walked into his back and Jensen
sighed, turning to him. “You just keep making these assumptions, like you know
what I’m all about, like you know me at all. The only reason I said the thing
about Danneel and Chad was to be funny. It’s funny. I was amused. I don’t have
a one track mind for sex, so stop saying things that make it seem like you know
me.”
Blinking his eyes slowly Jared took a breath and a step back. "Okay," he said
quietly. "I'm sorry. I'm just - I'm really nervous and I didn't want to screw
things up. I should probably let you work." Jared's heart was beating a little
too fast and he rubbed sweating palms again his jeans.
“Whatever, man.” Jensen sighed once more and turned, pulling keys from his
pocket and unlocking the door to the warehouse and sliding it quickly to the
side. “See you around then.” He said over his shoulder, leaving the door open
as he crossed the large main floor, just in case Jared felt inclined to keep
pushing things.
Looking around, Jared sighed. This might be his only chance to see Jensen's
place, maybe his last chance to actually talk to the man. After a final look
over his shoulder Jared took a few steps closer and peered around the edge of
the door.
The warehouse was converted so it looked like an apartment but one entire side
of the floor was an artist's studio. There were sketches, a few color swatches
and there was a huge painting on an easel that Jensen was probably working on.
"Wow," Jared murmured.
Slipping around the door Jared wandered slowly toward the painting, trailing
his fingers along the wall.
“Yeah, it’s kind of a lot.” Jensen laughed softly and turned back, pointing
toward the still open door. “Close it, if you’re staying, last thing I need is
flies in my paint.” Jensen tossed his bag to the side and slid off his coat,
tossing it the same way. He kicked off his shoes a moment later and turned back
to Jared, considering him. “You uh, could take your shoes off? I mean, I just
like things to stay clean.”
Doing a double take, Jared looked over at the door and moved quickly to close
it and slip his boots off. Padding back over to where Jensen was standing he
tried on a small smile. "It's a great place." Jared couldn't imagine living in
a place quite that big. It could seem really lonely if he was there alone.
“Yeah? I’m fond of it. You know, it’s got some sentimental value.” Jensen
smiled slightly and shrugged crossing over to Jared. “You want a tour? Well,
it’s not much of a tour. Obviously I do art here. And up the ladder thing is my
room. Kitchen. Bathroom.” Jensen pointed around the wide open warehouse and
laughed. “I’m a brilliant tour guide.”
Laughing softly, Jared turned around slowly and tried to take it all in. “You
sleep up a ladder?” Jared peered up into the loft. That would definitely make
everything better, sleeping up high. “Kind of like a tree house,” he murmured.
“A little.” Jensen laughed and headed for the kitchen. “Makes it more private,
not that I have that many other people here but if I have clients or whatever.”
Jensen tugged the fridge open and pulled out a bottle of water. “Water? You
didn’t eat at the restaurant.”
“Sure, please, I mean.” Jared wandered over to the Kitchen area and leaned
against the counter. “How long have you lived here? I would love a place like
this. Maybe a bit smaller.” Jared was still looking around. “Do you get lonely
here?”
Jensen pulled out a bottle of water for Jared then turned back to the fridge,
grabbing one of the chicken salads he’d made previously and a bottle of
dressing. “It’s complicated.” He said, which wasn’t much of an answer, and
dumped dressing on the salad before pushing it to Jared. “Eat something. And
I’ve lived here for five years.”
Staring down at the salad, Jared thought better of arguing and just picked up a
fork off the counter and shoved a forkful into his mouth. Chewing and
swallowing he shrugged and smiled at Jensen. “It’s good.”
“That big painting; is that the one you’re working on now?” Jared stabbed at
the salad and took another bite. He could feel the dressing on his chin and
looked around for a paper towel or something.
Jensen stared until Jared started looking adorable then he turned and grabbed a
rag, stepping forward and wiping along the boy’s chin. He should probably stop
referring to him as a boy mentally but he couldn’t help it. “Yeah, that’s the
one.” He said quietly and dropped his hand, watching the way Jared’s eyes were
locked on him. “What do you think of it?”
“I like it,” Jared said softly. “It’s not finished though. It doesn’t have the
same flow as your other work.” Jared didn’t take his eyes off Jensen’s, and
couldn’t help stepping a little closer. Licking his lips he smiled and brushed
his hair back. “The lines are heavy on the left hand side, heavier. But that’s
probably the way you work. You’re right-handed?”
“You’re very opinionated.” Jensen pointed out without any heat, glancing over
Jared’s shoulder at the painting. “I am right-handed. And no, it’s not
finished. Sometimes people ask for art and it’s not an issue, I can just create
it. But other times people are picky and well, it’s harder.” He shrugged,
wetting his lips as he looked back at Jared.
Jared nodded slowly, blinking and let a smile creep onto his face. “I like that
- maybe it’s got to matter a lot to you for it to flow. You know, like my
writing. When I care about the things I’m writing it comes out smoother and I’m
usually more pleased with it. I think that painting will be beautiful.” He’d
turned and look at it again but he’d much rather look into Jensen’s eyes.
“They’ll always be beautiful.” Jensen shrugged and walked around Jared,
crossing to the painting and touching the edge the dried coloring. “But it’s
like, sometimes people say when you paint something - or write something - it’s
like giving away a piece of your soul or something. And I don’t think this one
will have that. I almost feel like it’s not worth the money she’s paying for
it. Like I should start over.”
“Maybe you should then.” Jared set his fork down quietly and headed over to
join Jensen in front of the painting. “How much time do you have?” Leaning
against Jensen’s back he peered over his shoulder and studied the lines
Jensen’s brush had left.
It was remarkably natural, to have Jared leaning against him, to talk about
this so casually. No of his friends talked to him like this. It made Jensen a
little uncomfortable. “Til tomorrow. I could never do a full piece before
then.”
"Bet you can save it. I've seen your other work - you just gotta find that
inspiration - you know the right reason to work on it." When Jensen didn't move
away, Jared lifted his hand slowly and pressed it against Jensen's shoulder
blade. "I think you can make it work."
“You’re odd.” Jensen pointed out and slowly turned to face him, smiling softly
at the words, “Just, this. You. I don’t know what to make of it.” He shrugged
and swayed toward Jared for a moment before turning back to the painting.
“Guess I better get to work then.”
“Should I? Should I go then? Give you your space to work?” Jared closed the
distance between them once more. It was like being a moth drawn to a flame.
Smiling he stood beside Jensen and stared at the painting for a few moments.
Later, Jensen would never be able to say what it was that made him cave.
Something about Jared that he couldn’t name and Jensen didn’t want to address.
“Nah. Eat your salad. Sit over there.” Jensen pointed over to a basket chair
not too far from him before turning and crossing to the stereo system that was
hard wired with speakers spread throughout the warehouse.
He turned on his usual painting music then headed back over, stripping off his
shirt. “Vitamin string quartet. Helps with the flow.”
When Jared managed to get his eyes off Jensen’s chest he moved backwards until
he could reach for his salad. When he had it and the fork he went back and
settled in the big chair Jensen had pointed out. It was a bit of a struggle to
climb into it without spilling his salad, and then it took a while for Jared to
get comfortable. He ended up kind of curled up in it and clutching his dish. “I
like the music,” he said quietly.
There was pretty much no way he could turn his gaze from Jensen’s body. Every
time he lifted the brush to add paint to the canvas the muscles across his
shoulders rippled and Jared had trouble swallowing.
“Me too.” Jensen murmured some time later. He was falling into a familiar zone,
losing himself in his work. No one ever watched him. Danneel had stuck around
once to try to but even without her talking she had seemed to distract him. It
wasn’t that way with Jared, Jensen could feel his eyes but it didn’t affect
him. Instead he was easily moving the brush along the canvas and humming along.
By the time he stopped, the CD was halfway done.
He’d been more out of it then he’d thought and he turned back to Jared, pursing
his lips. “You probably could have left and I wouldn’t have noticed. Zoned out
there, sorry. Hope you didn’t say anything.”
Jensen’s voice startled Jared a little bit. He’d long since finished his salad
and had curled up on the chair just to watch. There was something very soothing
about watching Jensen work. “Didn’t say a thing,” he said. “It’s okay I’m still
here? I like watching.” Jared tucked his arm under his head.
“Yeah,” Jensen nodded and stared at Jared for a moment longer before turning
back to the painting. It was maybe a little unsettling just how okay it was.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Every now and again Jared and Chad's life was made a little better by their art
teacher Mr. Kripke. He was a little crazy, but he liked taking his twelfth
grade students on trips. This week's trip was to one of the more trendy
galleries downtown. It specialized in local artists and Jared was actually
looking forward to it. He'd spent about two hours of his day trying to convince
Chad that it might be interesting and then given up.
Of course, going to a gallery seemed fitting after his visit to Jensen's
warehouse. Watching Jensen paint had been pretty amazing. In fact, it might
have been one of the most beautiful things that Jared had ever seen. He'd just
watched and watched, each stroke of paint, each flick of Jensen's wrist and the
painting had come alive. Just like Jared had thought it would.
The visit had gone well, they hadn't had another misunderstanding and even
though Jared had wanted to stay he'd left early enough that if he ran he just
made the train that he needed to get to make it home for supper.
Jared's parents didn't much care whether he was home or not these days. Things
hadn't been going well since Jared had told them he was gay. It wasn't like he
had much to tell them about. He'd still not dated anyone; his only really good
friend was a straight guy who was a bit of a dick sometimes. Jared's Dad told
him he would grow out of it. Jared's mom said that she was sorry which just
made him feel a bit like he had just found out he had some kind of disease.
The trip was during their second last class, Mr. Kripke's class; and by the
time they were piled onto the bus Chad was in a foul mood. That only managed to
amuse Jared and he taunted his friend by pointing out how there probably
wouldn't even be straight women there because the art world was full of gay
men. When Chad punched him The KripKeeper told them to knock it off and they
settled down a little.
The gallery was close to Crystal and Jared smirked when Chad thumped him and
pointed out the club. Jared just told Chad to fuck off which earned him another
stern warning from Kripke. As they headed inside Jared was a little taken aback
by how quiet the gallery was and his classmates all seemed to sense it as they
fell silent.
Mr. Kripke gave them a brief introduction to some of the work that was there,
and the gallery owner spoke to them briefly. There were three different artists
showcasing their work and a couple of the artists might be dropping by. That
was kind of interesting. After watching Jensen painting, Jared had a few
questions about what kind of materials different artists used.
Tugging Chad further into the gallery Jared's eye was caught by some vibrant
colours toward the smaller back room. As he rounded the final corner he felt
Chad start to laugh softly. "Uh. Jared? Isn't that-"
“Jared?” Jensen’s steps halted, the painting in his grip slipping and nearly
falling as he took in the man. Who actually was a boy if the uniform he was
wearing was any indication. Jensen looked around at the other students who were
walking around the gallery then back to Jared, eyeing Chad beside him. “Man,
shoulda figured.” He huffed and shook his head, turning to cross the gallery
and hang the painting on the far wall.
Jared's stomach knotted up and he closed his eyes for a few moments before
turning to walk over and stand near Jensen. "Hey, I didn't know you'd be here.
We're - it's an art thing - for school. Mr. Kripke brings us places like this
to make sure we see local artists." Sighing, Jared watched as Jensen hung the
painting, fiddling with the wires in the back until it hung evenly. "I didn't
lie to you," Jared added softly.
“You’re not in college Jared, so by suggesting that you are, or letting Chad
say it and not denying it, would be lying.” Jensen pointed out and shook his
head, stepping back to make sure the picture was straight. It bothered him more
than he wanted to admit but the whole thing with Jared was turning out to be
that way. “Whatever, doesn’t matter. Enjoy your field trip.”
"Just 'cause I'm a few months younger than you thought? You know, I take it all
back. Everything nice I said about you. Chad was right - you are a dick. You
liked talking to me just fine before. Knowing this shouldn't make any
difference." Jared folded his arms and realized his blood was pumping so fast
that he felt like he was going to pass out.
“Jared, just how old are you?” Jensen clenched his jaw, staring hard at the boy
and his fancy private school uniform. He glanced over at their teacher, trying
to make sure they weren’t being given any special attention.
Withdrawing a little under Jensen’s fiery gaze, Jared looked down at the
smooth-tiled floor. “I’m almost eighteen.”
“Jesus,” Jensen hissed and looked away, rubbing along the back of his neck.
“Seventeen? Jared, fuck. I could go to jail for just thinking the things I did
about you. So just...” Jensen was surprisingly hurt by the whole thing.
Because, despite their complete lack of conversation, Jensen had thought they
had a good time together and he’d even been considering allowing something more
to happen because Jared seemed like an okay guy. And maybe he wanted to get to
know him more. Now that seriously couldn’t happen. “Sorry, Jared, but this is a
lie I can’t just blow over.”
Glancing around frantically Jared could see that Chad was keeping an eye on
Kripke. “So - none of it, I mean, I like you. Why does that change because I’m
a few months younger than you thought? I really don’t get you.” Jared bit down
hard on his bottom lip to fight back the emotion that was threatening.
“Because it’s illegal, for one thing.” Jensen looked down, unable to stand
seeing the look on Jared’s face. “And just, I may be shit at this kind of thing
but I’m pretty sure starting even just a friendship with a lie as big as yours
isn’t a good sign Jared.” Jensen stepped back and slid his arms over his chest.
“Won’t lie, I had a good time. Sorry, for-” Jensen blinked then frowned,
shaking his head. “I shouldn’t be apologizing. You should. Damnit, just, go
back to school Jared.”
"This isn't right," Jared said. Lowering his voice he stepped closer after a
quick glance to see if Chad was still at the door to the smaller gallery. "It
shouldn't be illegal - if I was a girl it wouldn't be - and. Fuck. This just
isn't fair. You like me, I can tell - and we talk about stuff and I felt so
good sitting there. I could watch you paint for hours and ...” Jared could see
that Jensen wasn't caving at all.
Jared dropped his gaze again and scratched under the edge of his collar. "Okay-
" His voice broke and he cleared his throat, taking a few steps back. "You
liked me," he added again.
“I do.” Jensen admitted and rolled his shoulders back, laughing weakly. “I’m
twenty-eight years old Jared. That’s eleven years older than you. So what I
like or don’t like shouldn’t matter.” Jensen glanced over at the nearest of
Jared’s classmates and groaned. “And you still haven’t even apologized.”
Tears welled in Jared's eyes and he looked away quickly. "For what? Knowing you
wouldn’t give me a chance if you knew the truth? I'm sorry, Jensen." There
wasn't a part of him that wasn't sorry right in that moment. "I'm really sorry.
I wish-"
"Jay?" Chad's voice was soft and his friend looked worried. "Come on, Krip is
heading this way." He scowled at Jensen.
Nodding, Jared walked backwards a few steps. "Sorry, Jensen." He turned and
headed to his friend. It was one of those times when Chad was being the good
guy that Jared knew he was. He slipped his arm around Jared's shoulders and
tugged him toward the main gallery.
Jensen watched them go; annoyed by the way his chest was tightening. It was
stupid. He wasn’t even at fault here. He had been nothing but nice to Jared
last time, at his warehouse, and he was finally starting to entertain the
notion that maybe he could hang out with someone outside his exclusive group.
Only to find out he’d been lied too, and now he felt like he’d just kicked a
puppy or something.
“Jen?” Katie came around the corner, frowning at him. “I thought you were
helping me.”
“I’ve got to go.” Jensen spun and pushed past her, ducking into the back room
long enough to get his keys and phone before turning once more. “Sorry. See you
later.”
Heading quickly through the main gallery, Jensen didn’t stop long enough to see
if Jared was around or not, he didn’t want to know. He just wanted to get out
of there, and make a whole new list of reasons why he didn’t bother getting
involved with people.
-=-=-=-
For less than a month Jensen had known Jared and it already felt like his
entire life had shifted. Which was ridiculous because they weren’t anything.
They’d shared a dance and a couple of kisses then one afternoon in which it was
basically silence the entire time. That was all. And yet, here Jensen was, five
days after learning the truth about the boy and he was still caught up on him.
This was ridiculous and Jensen was going to ignore Danneel for the next month
as payback for her forcing this on him. Alcohol was helping though. Jensen had
considered going to pick out a guy for the night but he kept imaging what would
happen if he ran into Jared, and the maybe possibility that he wouldn’t be able
to deny him another time or something.
So he was drinking at home, halfway to drunk, when a loud knock on the large
metal door had him blinking and turning in his chair. It was probably his
supposedly well-meaning friends, annoyed with what they called his sulking.
“Go away guys, I’m not-” Jensen tugged the door open but it was Jared there,
swaying just slightly in spot. “Jared? What are you doing here?” Jensen groaned
and moved to shut the door but then Jared looked up and Jensen saw his split
lip, blood drying there, and his motions froze. “What happened?”
Jared blinked in the bright light from inside Jensen's warehouse and leaned
hard against the door. Things hadn't gone well at his house, and they hadn't
improved much once he had used his fake ID to get into one of the clubs
downtown. "Can I come in for a while? Can't find Chad. And I think I'm a
little. Well, I had a few beers and I don't really drink much."
“I don’t know Jared.” Jensen leaned against the wall, frowning when things
blurred slightly. “Who did that to you? Did something happen?” He watched Jared
shift around, definitely tipsy. Both of them drunk in a confined space?
Probably a bad idea.
"We were just talking about school and I said that I thought it was harder to
be gay at school. To be out. And he got really mad 'cause he said that other
people might find out. Find out about me. And tell his friends or something."
Blinking slowly and rubbing at his face, Jared winced when his hand touched his
split lip. "My Dad. My Dad did this. Now can I come in?" He didn't really have
anywhere else to go and the idea of wandering around until Chad finally
answered his cell phone didn't appeal to Jared. He was having enough trouble
keeping himself upright as it was.
“Jesus.” Jensen hissed because god hearing Jared say that, about his dad doing
that to him, hit Jensen in a place he didn’t acknowledge very often. “Alright.
Fine, come in.” Jensen stepped back, reaching out to touch Jared’s arm to keep
him from bumping into the wall. “So you and Chad have been out then? Since that
happened?”
“No, I went to the club by myself. I was ... I don’t know what I wanted. But
this guy bought me beers and I got a little dizzy. I went outside for some air
and I just kept walking.” Leaning into Jensen’s side Jared smiled at him and
hissed when his lip split open again.
“Wow. That all sounds very smart of you.” Jensen rolled his eyes and led Jared
over to the kitchen, helping him down onto a stool. “Jared, I know you want to
experience things, life, I get it. I was there once. But it’s fucking stupid to
go to a club like Crystal by yourself and think you’re gonna be okay there.
You’re young, and gorgeous, and innocent, and needy.” Jensen muttered as he
grabbed a rag, wetting it and stepping back up to the boy to dab his cut lip.
“Don’t be stupid like that again.”
“M’not needy,” Jared muttered. He stared up at Jensen as the man wiped at the
cut on his lip. “Is it gonna scar? I’ve never been hit like that before.” In
fact, Jared had never been hit at all, no fights at school, no altercations
with his father before the one in the living room. “It was okay for me to be
gay, I guess as long as no one knew.”
“Hey.” Jensen gripped Jared’s jaw until the man’s eyes met his. “It is always
okay for you to be gay. Your parents? They’ll either learn to live with it or
you’ll learn you don’t need them. But you never be ashamed of what you are, and
you don’t hide it now that you’re not. Clear?” Jensen had strong opinions on
the matter and he wanted Jared to believe him.
Jared nodded and lifted his hand to settle over Jensen’s. He opened his mouth
to speak and closed it again because everything kind of felt like it would all
come out at once. Blowing out a breath he leaned forward and rested his
forehead on Jensen’s shoulder. Dads weren’t supposed to hit their sons; no
matter what they told them.
“Jared,” Jensen whispered and slowly wrapped his arms around the boy, finding
it easier than he thought not to instantly hate the feel of him. “It’ll be
okay. I’m sure...” he knew what he should say here. Something like, I’m sure
they’ll call you and apologize tomorrow but the words were dry on his lips.
“Let’s get drunk.” Jensen pulled back, smiling almost encouragingly at Jared.
“I’ve got plenty of alcohol. You ever been drunk?”
“Only as drunk as I am now.” Jared pulled back and smiled crookedly. “My lips
were kind of numb. But then it hurt again.” Sighing, Jared decided it would be
much better to be drunk and miserable than completely sober. His hands were
still on Jensen’s hips and he kind of liked the way it felt. “You’re not gonna
get mad at me again are you?”
“Not tonight, no.” Jensen laughed softly, and looked down. He hated how sad
Jared sounded about things and he knew the feeling all too well. “Let me show
you something cool.” He stepped away and headed to the fridge, pulling out the
rest of the beer he had, some cheese and ham, and a pack of crackers from the
closet. Grinning over at Jared, Jensen piled everything onto a tray and crossed
the warehouse. “C’mon,” he jerked his head and led Jared to the wall, sliding
open a small door on the wall and slipping the tray inside.
Glancing back over his shoulder, Jensen grinned at Jared, hoping to get some of
the amusement back in his eyes. “It’s a dumb waiter. You know, like in old
fashioned houses? So I can have things up in my room, carry all this stuff at
once. Doesn’t work if you try and go up the ladder.”
Jared's eyes widened a little and his smile brightened. "That's kinda cool;
it's like a secret hiding place or something." He peered inside and then stood
back as Jensen pulled the door shut again. Hanging on to Jensen's shoulder,
Jared frowned. "How does it work?"
“Button.” Jensen reached out and grabbed the dangling control. “See,” Jensen
looked over at Jared and smiled as he hit the top button, holding it for a
moment before the tray went into motion, the noise echoing around the
warehouse. “Goes up on it’s own, stops. Very easy to use.” Jensen turned into
Jared, arm sliding around his middle. “Now we go up the ladder, okay? Think you
can manage?”
“Hope so, or you better catch me.” Jared laughed softly and headed over to the
bottom of the ladder. It was higher than it looked from across the room but he
figured he was drunk enough not to hurt himself if he fell. It might not have
been the most graceful climb but Jared made it.
Crawling off the top of the ladder he found himself in another room all
together. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected but it wasn’t something that looked
so much like a real bedroom. Jensen had an enormous bed on a low wooden frame
and there were paintings all around the room. Along the edge by the ladder
there was a short bookshelf and Jared hoped he wouldn't walk right over it
later on. “You’ve got the coolest room in the world.”
Jared crawled toward the bottom of the bed and pulled himself up to sit on it
while he watched Jensen appear at the top of the ladder.
“Right? I love this place. I designed it and gave the layout to Christian. He’s
a carpenter you know. I bought the warehouse with my first real purchase.”
Jensen sighed wistfully and headed over to the dumbwaiter slot. “Get comfy,
you’re crashing here tonight. And send a text or whatever to Chad, let him know
you’re good for the night.” He wasn’t giving Jared a choice in the matter. If
he was letting them both get drunk, he was taking responsibility for the kid.
Jared stared across at Jensen for a few moments. Things certainly hadn’t gone
well for them at the gallery and considering this was the first time they’d
been together since then, Jared was skeptical. “You sure?”
Grunting softly, Jensen pulled the tray from the slot and turned, crossing the
room and dropping down on his bed. He looked up at Jared, watching him for a
long moment before grabbing a beer. “You don’t want to stay? It’s not like I
just throw these invitations out Jared.”
“I do. Want to.” Pulling his phone out of his pocket Jared sent Chad a quick
text message saying he was okay, was turning off his phone and would call him
in the morning. He didn’t bother saying where he was because he was quite
certain that would result in a tongue lashing of epic proportions. “Done.”
Jared shrugged out of his jacket and laid it down on the floor then tossed his
phone on top of it.
Sniffing, Jared sat on the edge of the bed and fiddle nervously with the edge
of the quilt. It was soft, a dark wine colour that kind of suited Jensen for
some reason. Maybe it was those damn green eyes.
“Jared, let me tell you a story.” Jensen sat on the middle of the bed, crossing
his legs and sipping from his beer. He waited until Jared got curious enough to
look back at him and held up another of the beers. “Come over here, I promise,
not gonna do anything to hurt you. Just seems like a good night to be drunk.”
Reaching out, Jared curled his fingers around the cold bottle and moved a
little closer. "A story? What kind of story." Hanging onto his beer with one
hand, Jared tugged his socks off with the other and added them to the growing
pile of his things at the side of the bed.
Jensen hummed softly and tipped the beer back, draining the rest of it to give
himself some strength for this. When everything had happened, Danneel had made
him promise that he would share his story if there was ever a gay boy in need.
Jared fit the definition but he was the first one. “My dad kicked my ass. When
I was about your age. He caught me with Nicholas Kraven. It was, I don’t know,
a thing. He caught us making out and he went totally ape shit. Kicked me down
some stairs, broke my arm, ended with him kicking me out of the house for good.
I haven’t seen him since.”
Sighing softly, Jensen reached out for a cracker, using the distraction to fill
the silence that followed. “My mom came, when I was in the hospital. She said
how much I disappointed her, how she’d rather have a dead son then a gay one. I
haven’t seen her since then. Point is you learn how to deal, either way. If
your parents support you, that’s fantastic and you don’t take advantage of it.
If they don’t... then you deal. And move on.” Jensen felt insanely exposed
saying all that to Jared so he kept his eyes down on the cracker.
The shock that Jared felt when he listened to Jensen's story was more than he
expected. "God, Jensen. That's. That's horrible. No one should have to be
treated like that." Sliding closer along the bed, Jared hesitated a moment then
reached out and curled his fingers over Jensen's wrist. "That's way worse than
this." He gestured to his lip and looked down.
“It started like that.” Jensen said before he could stop himself. He looked
quickly up at Jared and sighed. “I’m sure it won’t come to that for you okay?”
He dropped the cracker, ham and cheese back on the tray and grabbed another
beer instead. “Just... if it does... come to me okay? Because, I know I’m an
asshole sometimes, I’ve got some issues, whatever. But, if that happens to you?
I don’t want you to go through it alone. So...” Jensen shrugged and twisted his
beer open.
Looking up again, Jared nodded and drank some of his beer. He wasn't sure that
he needed anymore but he certainly felt better after three beers than he did
before them. "Thank, you know. For telling me and for not telling me to fuck
off when I came here. You know... about before. I really didn't mean to lie.
And you were right though - God - my brain isn't working so well." Jared
laughed softly and shifted a little closer so he could lie down on his side and
look up at Jensen.
"The thing is - I wanted to meet someone and have sex... the kissing and all of
it - and I got caught up in Chad saying that guys wanted certain things. And I
don't know if he's the kind of person I should be listening to." Shaking his
head Jared drank a bit more beer. “He means well. And, he’s a good friend...but
- if it were up to me? I never would have lied to you. Even though - I mean you
wouldn't have wanted to even dance with me and that was -” Jared laughed. That
dance was definitely one of the best moments of his life.
Jensen smiled softly at Jared, feeling loose from the beer and willing to
simply accept Jared’s apology. It was nice to hear some explanation behind it
at least. “Jared? I knew you were younger. I mean, I was kind of hoping... but
I could tell. You were so innocent and naive, I’m aware of that look. Thanks
for telling me though. And, you know, I wouldn’t have told you to fuck off.
Might be an asshole but I’m not that horrible to send away a mostly drunk kid
with a split lip. How you feeling? Meant this to be a little happier.”
“Feel better than I did a few hours ago.” Jared smiled and pushed up a little
so he could reach out and touch Jensen’s cheek. “You have a massive amount of
freckles. Do you know that?” Leaning a little closer, Jared squinted and
smiled.
“I’ve been told that.” Jensen nodded and smiled softly at Jared. He drained the
rest of his beer and figured he was just about at the same drunk level as
Jared. “You have great eyes. Hazel right? I’ve seen them changing colors,
different lights. And almond-shaped. I want to draw you sometime.” Jensen
smiled and shifted up, lifting the tray and setting it on the nightstand before
rolling back to Jared. “Is that weird?”
“That would be kind of cool actually.” Jared’s fingers were resting on Jensen’s
chest where they’d fallen when he moved. “I wish I could draw. Writing isn’t
the same really, drawing... I don’t know - it seems more real.”
“No.” Jensen shook his head and shifted a little closer to Jared, taking the
beer from his other hand and sipping from it. “Writing is plenty real. I mean,
you can create whole worlds. Damn, Jared, you could make a whole universe.
Like, Harry Potter. You could write Harry Potter, well, you know.” Jensen
grinned and slid the beer back in Jared’s hand.
"Harry Potter? How old do you think I am?" Jared laughed and drank a little
more beer. His head had that pleasantly distant feeling again and he was
feeling better than he had in a long time. "I could write about a High School
where everyone is gay." Amused, Jared threw his head back and laughed almost
spilling his beer.
“Yeah. Where one student is having a scandalous affair with the teacher. And
the one straight student is the odd one out.” Jensen snorted and took the beer
from Jared again. “Don’t spill this on my bed! I will be very upset with you.”
He grinned and took another sip before offering it out. “Either finish it or I
will.”
Jared drank a bit more beer then held the bottle back out to Jensen. “My lips
are already buzzing again. Are yours?” Jared ran his tongue along his bottom
lip and closed his eyes.
Watching Jared’s lips for a long moment, Jensen slowly finished off the beer
before turning to add it to the tray on the night stand. When he rolled back,
he was even closer to Jared and the reality of their situation was finally
starting to sink in. “Not really,” he murmured and slowly reached out, touching
Jared’s hips. Maybe he could blame this one being mostly drunk, or too many
lonely nights, but there really was something about Jared. “Would you have gone
home with that guy who bought you drinks at the bar?”
Smiling sadly, Jared sighed shook his head. "Nah, he kept calling me Jason.
And, I don't know. I'm not like that really. You gotta know someone, right?"
Jared's eyes flicked down to Jensen's lips then back up again. The way Jensen's
fingers were curled into his hip was kind of nice; it was making him feel less
like he was going to float off somewhere. “That first night I met you. Did you
wanna take me home?”
Jensen had been drunk plenty of times in his life and usually it didn’t make
him super talkative or anything. But for whatever the reason, he had a whole
new reason to be honest with Jared. If he gave him honesty, maybe he’d get
honesty back. “So bad.” Jensen laughed softly, staring blatantly at Jared’s
lips for a long moment before dragging his gaze up. “You felt how hard I was,
didn’t you?”
"Yeah, I did." Jared's voice was a little deeper, softer and he curled his
fingers into Jensen's shirt. "I wanted more," he almost whispered. He could
still bring back the feeling he'd had while they were dancing; the way Jensen's
body had rubbed up against his. A flush was burning its way up Jared’s neck and
he looked down at Jensen’s hand.
“Yeah, me too.” Jensen nodded and the feeling that this was going to be more
slammed hard into him. He probably shouldn’t let it, he could stop them now but
words were tumbling out his lips before he could stop them. “You could take off
your jeans. You know, to be more comfortable.”
"Yeah?" Jared's eyes drifted back up to Jensen's and he studied the man for a
few moments. Smiling he rolled onto his back and fumbled with the button on his
jeans and then arched his hips up to slide the denim down. He was suddenly
really glad that he was wearing his Jersey boxers because they made his ass
look a little better. Adding his jeans to the pile of clothes he hesitated a
second then tugged his shirt off and lay back down to roll back up against
Jensen.
He was a little closer than he expected and found himself almost nose to nose
with the man. “Hi,” he said softly.
“You’ve never done anything.” Jensen whispered though this was a fact they
likely both knew at that moment. And if he was half hard in his sweats, well,
it was only because Jared really was appealing. “Yeah? I mean... everything
would be your first?” Jensen flopped back and slowly sat, tugging his own shirt
off and hesitating for just a moment before pushing off his sweats.
"Is that bad?" Jared waited until Jensen lay back down and slid his hand over
the man's side. He liked the way Jensen's skin was so soft, smooth but his
muscles were firm. Wetting his lips again Jared pressed in closer, letting his
hand slide down to Jensen's hip, the material of his boxers warm and soft.
“When did you - your first time? When was it?”
“It was different for me.” Jensen shook his head, wetting his lips slowly. He
didn’t even want to have that conversation with Jared. “It’s not bad though.
It’s good. Some people find inexperience hot.” He fingers slowly slid down
Jared’s chest and Jensen was beginning to accept the idea that things were
going to be happening.
Jared let out a small gasp when Jensen's finger reached his abs. "Y..Yeah? That
works in my favor I guess. Then." Panting softly he couldn't resist brushing
his lips against Jensen's cheek and nuzzling into his hair. Jensen smelled
great; warm and kind of spicy with a sweet undertone.
“God,” Jensen whispered and tried not to think about all the reasons he’d built
up in his mind about why this was bad and shouldn’t happen. “Do you want to
have sex? I mean is that the master plan? The reason you started going out and
everything?” Closing his eyes, Jensen shifted a little closer and slid his leg
forward, between Jared’s, testing how quickly he’d let him press forward. The
reaction was almost instant.
Moaning softly Jared rubbed along Jensen's thigh and mouthed his way down the
man's neck for a few long moments. "Yeah, I want. I think about it. I know I'm
ready." Jared's body felt like it was on fire; every time he slid his hips
forward, his cock swelled a little more. "Jensen?"
“Are you sure you know how big of a deal it is?” Jensen couldn’t help asking,
even as he let Jared’s body move against his and savored the feel of it. Jared
was so warm, so open to this, and Jensen wanted more. “And... if I did
something now? If we...” As he leaned forward once more their lips brushed
together and Jensen had forgot just how much that touch sparked.
Jared's fingers ghosted up Jensen's back so he could tangle them tightly in the
man's hair. "We could-" Jared's lips tingled even more when they brushed
against Jensen's. He could feel warm breath, the gentle touch of fingers and
the heat. There was heat everywhere; every place their bodies touched, Jared's
skin felt all crazy-tingly and warm. He moaned again and lapped gently at
Jensen's bottom lip as though he could draw up all the taste of him. His hips
slid forward again and his leg slid up over Jensen's hip so he could melt into
the man's body.
It was more Jared’s gently, innocent, eagerness that had Jensen snapping in the
end. On the next brush of their lips together he pushed harder forward and
captured the boy’s lips in a long, deep kiss. Jared’s mouth opened eagerly for
him, their tongues sliding together as Jensen’s hands slid over the boy’s body,
down his sides and over his hips, holding them tightly as he rolled onto his
back and dragged Jared with him. Their bodies rocked together and Jensen
moaned- the teasing friction of their briefs was a little maddening.
Curling his hands under Jensen’s neck, Jared moaned and shifted against the
man’s body. His legs settled on either side of Jensen’s hips and he sat up,
settling back on Jensen’s lap so he could look down at the body beneath him.
His eyes trailed down Jensen’s chest, fingers following and then he fell
forward again, writhing against Jensen and stealing more kisses. He could spend
the rest of his life kissing the man and dragging his hands over flesh and
muscle.
The next time Jensen broke from the kiss it was only because he could hardly
breathe. His entire body was shuddering with waves of pleasure and Jared’s
continued to move over him in arcs and rolls that slid their cocks together
even through clothing. “Jared,” he moaned the name softly and slid his hands
down Jared’s body, rolling them once more and falling to Jared’s side. He
propped up on his elbow and stared down at Jared as his free hand gradually
trailed down his stomach, over his abs, and tucked just under the boy’s briefs.
His eyes locked on Jared’s flushed features as he slid his hand down, curling
over Jared’s cock and slowly stroking up.
The muscles in Jared's stomach trembled and his hand twisted into the fabric at
his side. "Jensen?" He didn’t mean it to sound like a question; he knew what he
wanted but Jared hadn't expected to feel so out of control. It was a bit like
being a satellite suddenly cut loose from gravity.
His hips jolted up to chase the feel of Jensen's touch on his cock. Sucking in
a shuddering breath Jared turned to blink bleary-eyed up at Jensen as he
reached for the man's chest. "Please..."
“Shh,” Jensen half-hummed the sound and slid his hands up, grasping the elastic
and pulling up before sliding down Jared’s body. “We won’t rush. Plenty of
time.” Jensen murmured and dipped down, sucking kisses along the boy’s neck
before rolling back to push out of his own briefs. Previously he’d been so
caught up on the idea of being with Jared as a burden. He’d never done this
before, he’d need so much guidance and Jensen knew how strong the risk of
attachment was. But now, in that moment, he wanted Jared’s innocence.
Kissing his way down the boy’s body, Jensen caught a nipple between his teeth,
drawing up and riding out the arch of Jared’s body. He pushed up to his knees
so their cocks could brush together, moaning against Jared’s chest.
Jared keep trying to breathe, drawing in air in little puffs and gasps. His
heart was pounding so hard in his chest it was almost painful and Jensen's
quiet moans felt like they were lighting little fires in his lungs. As soon as
he managed to pry his hand loose from the quilt beneath them, Jared wrapped his
arms around Jensen's neck and held him close. The slightest nip of fear
lingered under the pleasure, the lust and God he had never wanted anything so
much in his entire life.
Dragging his hands down Jensen's back, Jared scraped his nails over the skin.
When he felt Jensen shiver with pleasure he dug his nails in harder and hooked
a leg over Jensen's. "This is-" a moan tore through him when their cocks slid
together and he rolled his hips up to do it again, and again; their swollen
flesh rubbing and sliding.
“I know,” Jensen murmured and rocked his body forward, eyes closing as he slid
down and panted into Jared’s neck. It had been a very long time since he did
something so simple, just savored the feel of skin pressing together, and
Jensen thought he might even be able to come from just this touch alone. He
pulled back to look into Jared’s eyes, slowly wetting his lips as his body
continued to roll down. “You look gorgeous like this,” he whispered, lips
quirking in a faint smile as he watched Jared’s lips part around a moan.
A small smile tugged at the corners of Jared's lips and he turned his gaze away
as embarrassment added to the burn of pleasure of his cheeks. "Jensen, I
want... can we?" Straining up so he could nose along Jensen's cheek Jared's
lips left a trail of kisses along his cheek before whispering against the shell
of his ear. "Will you fuck me?" Jared's body shuddered and his hips snapped up
hard against Jensen's which drew a moan from both of them.
“Jesus,” Jensen moaned and jerked his hips forward. He hadn’t thought that
Jared would want to go all the way on their first go and he pulled back once
more, looking down at Jared. “You sure? You’re kinda drunk.” He chuckled
softly, working his lips over Jared’s in gentle passes.
"It's not that, it's - God - you and this and I want more." Jared's palms
curled over Jensen's cheeks, fingers slipping into his hair. Staring up into
lust-filled eyes Jared smiled and leaned up again, slanting his mouth over
Jensen's and sucking gently. Sliding his tongue forward, Jared felt all the
heat and wet of Jensen's mouth and his body quaked again, hips grinding up for
more friction.
There were a thousand things Jensen could try and analyze about this whole
thing between Jared and himself but it was so much easier to simply lose
himself in all the sensations and forget about logistics. His mind was still
pleasantly dizzy and his body wanted the boy - though he should really start
thinking of him as a man before it got creepy. He rolled to the side for just a
moment, snagging a few things from his drawer before rolling back, falling
between Jared’s legs and crawling down his body.
“You can tell me to stop,” Jensen murmured and slowly licked over the head of
Jared’s cock, sweeping up a dollop of pre-come. “If it’s too much. I won’t get
mad,” Jensen added a moment later, slicking lube on his fingers and gently
circling Jared’s entrance, all so quickly he was probably going to leave the
boy reeling.
"Holy shit,” Jared spat as his cock jumped against his belly. The sweet warmth
of Jensen's tongue sent crackles of pleasure racing up Jared's body and he
found it difficult to lie still and Jensen's finger - "Don't stop," Jared said
quickly between stolen breaths of air. Both hands were now buried in the quilt,
knuckles white with tension, arms trembling.
A smile pulled at Jensen lips before he was slowly trailing his tongue up from
the base of Jared’s cock to the head. He slid his finger forward as Jared’s
body arched up, taking advantage of the man’s relaxing muscles for just a
moment. Then Jared was tense all over again as Jensen’s finger slid all the way
in and he parted his lips, circling them over the head and slowly sinking down.
If there was one thing he knew how to do it was how to make every moment of sex
good for a person, virgin or not, and if he had his way Jared was going to lose
his mind. More than once.
Jared had never imagined that a mouth on his cock - that Jensen's mouth would
feel so much like sliding right into heaven. There was no way he could keep
breathing through this. Shaking, already a mess - Jared managed to get a hand
to Jensen's cheek before he was arching almost right off the bed again.
"Jensen, I can't breathe," Jared half-laughed. Obviously he could breathe or he
wouldn't be talking but Jesus - he really wasn't sure how people managed to
live through sex.
Jensen's finger left a slight burn in its wake and Jared had to tilt his hips
from side to side to try and relax. It wasn't that it felt wrong, it was just
so unlike anything else. There was something really bad-right about it and a
flash of guilt ricocheted through Jared’s mind. But then Jensen's tongue was
pulsing along the bottom of his cock and Jared's thoughts fled.
“Need me to slow down?” Jensen pulled back a little, leaving his finger in
Jared but not moving it. He could only vaguely remember what his first time was
like and it certainly wasn’t like this, not even close. “Don’t want you to pass
out,” Jensen chuckled softly and dipped to the side, gently kissing Jared’s
hipbone as his finger curved.
"Ohgodno. I mean... no slow." Jared twisted his head to the side as his hand
cupped over the back of Jensen's skull. Moaning Jared angled his hips back and
something happened inside him, Jensen's finger brushed against something and
Jared's heart fluttered for a few moments before the world kind of exploded
around him. All he could see was white and lust slammed into him so hard that
he thought he was going to come. Then Jensen's fingers were curling around the
base of his cock hard and the feeling of urgency faded away. "What? What was-
" Jared moaned again as his body twitched.
“Prostate.” Jensen chuckled softly and shook his head. “You knew about that
yeah? You mean you’ve never fingered yourself?” He pulled his finger back and
added a second finger as he moved, sliding both inside slowly and spreading
just a little wider. He kept his fingers curled around the base of Jared’s cock
and held, trying to ease off the boy’s orgasm. He could see the flush on
Jared’s face, he knew the shake of his body, but he swept both his fingers over
Jared’s prostate once more just to watch his arch.
Body in constant motion, Jared curled a leg over Jensen's waist and clenched
his jaw against the loud moans that kept fighting their way up from deep inside
him. Bowing up off the bed Jared pressed his hands hard down into the mattress
and twisted to the side. "Jensen, I can't-" Jared could feel everything
building up inside him, pleasure burning every inch of his veins and making him
shake with want. It was only the tight pressure of Jensen’s grip that kept
Jared from coming.
“Quick couple of rules.” Jensen murmured, grinning up at Jared with far more
entertainment then he probably should in the moment. “Always moan as loud as
you want to because trust me, I want to hear it. If you come? That’s okay
because I’m just gonna get you hard again, you’re young, you can do it.” Jensen
twisted his wrist as he crawled up and slanted a quick kiss over Jared’s mouth,
murmuring the words into it. “And I want you to come in my mouth, because I
want to taste you.” He slid back down and parted his lips, sucking Jared in
with one long drawl.
To his embarrassment, and pleasure, Jared came the instant Jensen's tongue slid
soft and wet back down the length of his cock. It was right there and when he
hit his peak his body curled up, muscles clenching tight and painful as he
twisted to the side and cried out. Jensen's mouth was there the entire time,
lips a tight, hot ring around his flesh, tongue lapping and curling, and Jared
fell back to the mattress weakly.
For a few minutes it seemed like Jared completely blacked out and Jensen licked
the taste of come on his lips, pulling back enough to watch the man with fond
amusement. There was something too endearing to his look he thought so he
looked down and worked his fingers in Jared’s loosened muscles. The boy was
relaxing down into the mattress and Jensen steadily spread him further,
scissoring three fingers deep within the boy and gently thrusting until Jared
started to rock back into the touch.
“Still with me?” Jensen murmured and pulled his fingers free, crawling up onto
his knees and stroking his lubed fingers over himself. “Doesn’t have to happen
now. If you don’t want it.” He drew Jared’s legs up, pressing his lips to the
inside of the boy’s knee.
Jared's heart was racing still, his body starting to shift again as Jensen's
fingers moved within him. "I want it," he managed to murmur and weakly pushed
up onto his elbow so he could meet Jensen's gaze. "I want you," he said softly.
And it was the God's honest truth. There was just something about Jensen that
drew Jared in and it was more than the touching, the fiery sensations that were
racing through his body. "I wanna make you feel good."
“You hardly have to do anything to do that.” Jensen admitted, the strong lust
and his lingering buzz making his tongue loose. “Already feel pretty damn
good.” He smiled at Jared for a moment before he was bending the boy’s body and
shifting forward, lining up at the tight puckered entrance. “S’gonna hurt in
the beginning, but it’ll feel so good soon.”
Before Jared could say more Jensen slid forward. He thrust all the way in with
one swift, fluid movement. Jensen had tried lots of different methods for first
entering someone and he thought this was the best, just get it all over with.
Jared was vice tight clenching around him and Jensen brushed a hand up through
his hair, smoothing over his sweat damp forehead. “S’okay Jared, gonna feel so
good, just breathe through it.” He murmured, softly kissing Jared.
Panting softly, his chest tight with the feeling of being split open, Jared
squeezed his eyes closed and turned into Jensen's wrist. Falling back hard
against the mattress, Jared bit down on the soft flesh of Jensen's wrist and
moaned through a shiver that wracked his body. "Burns," he said against the
smooth flesh.
Jensen’s fingers moved through his hair, his soft lips trailing along Jared’s
cheeks, his forehead and slowly - Jared felt his body start to relax. Sucking
on the smooth skin by Jensen’s thumb, Jared moaned and shifted a little. So
full, the burn was fading; his body adjusting and even though he felt almost
bent in two he could feel his lungs drawing in deeper breaths. “Can I? I ...”
He gave up trying to speak and simply found Jensen’s mouth with his, slipping
his tongue forward and swirling it through the older man’s mouth.
Moaning into Jared’s mouth, Jensen slowly pulled his hips back and rocked
forward into Jared. The boy’s breath hitched in his chest at the thrust and
Jensen moaned once more, repeating the motion just to get Jared’s body in
motion. It was better than he thought it would be, softer than he’d intended,
and Jensen was so caught up in the good he could barely think.
Pulling back from the kiss, Jensen let his forehead rest against Jared’s, their
mouths brushing together as they shared panted air. Jensen’s fingers gripped
Jared’s thighs as he pulled back and thrust forward, driving harder, deeper
into his young lover. Between them he could feel Jared’s cock already hard once
more and Jensen caught the boy’s bottom lip between his teeth, dragging out as
their skin slid sweat-damp together.
Jared gasped and pressed up trying to get Jensen to kiss him again. His body
was buzzing with sensation, and his hips were rocking up as much as they were
able. Almost clawing at Jensen's back, Jared kept trying to pull him closer
even though each hard thrust already felt like it was shoving him further up
the bed. The slam of Jensen's flesh against his felt entirely too good and
Jared found himself moaning and keening, Jensen's name slipping out like some
kind of prayer for more.
“Jesus Christ,” Jensen groaned and thrust down harder, driving in deeper. He
couldn’t help it, each thrust just wasn’t enough and he constantly wanted more.
He dipped down and kissed Jared hard, thrusting his tongue into Jared’s mouth
as his hips drove harder forward. Jared’s body clenched around him again and
Jensen groaned, pulling his lips back and blinking down at Jared. “So good
Jared, fuck.” He snapped forward, aiming for that spot in Jared that would
drive him crazy.
Every part of Jared was trembling and then Jensen's cock slid in deeper and he
was enveloped in white heat again; letting out a long breathy moan he dug his
nails hard into Jensen's shoulders and then jerked up toward the hard heat of
the man's body. As the pleasure burned off, Jared forced his eyes open and his
cheek slid back along Jensen's until their eyes could meet. There were no words
Jared could summon up but he just gazed at Jensen for a few moments until
another thrust slammed a wave of pleasure through him and he left his head fall
back as his lashes fluttered closed.
For a split second Jensen lost himself in the look on Jared’s face. He was sure
he’d never seen that before, the open passion and heat and want coloring his
features. It was gorgeous and Jensen was shaken to his core. Then those muscles
were holding around him once more and Jared’s moans were echoing through him.
Jensen groaned and shoved a hand between them, pushing up off Jared’s body and
gasping as he sank deeper. His hips snapped repeatedly into the boy’s, his
fingers stroking in quick time with each thrust, and Jensen knew he was going
to come far too soon.
Jared fell apart slower the second time; his body still a bit weak and the hum
of pleasure still lingering. But Jensen's thrusts were shocking him, sending
wave after wave of want rippling to the surface and Jared clung to him. His
hips were snapping up in time with Jensen's, circling slightly, and he bit down
on his bottom lip as a small moan loosed itself in the quiet room.
"God, Jensen, I'm gonna-” Jared cried out again, body twitching as his released
pulsed hot between their bodies. Sliding his hands down Jensen's sweat-covered
back Jared dug his fingers into the muscular ass and tugged.
It was a combination of Jared’s hard grab and his low guttural moan that had
Jensen tipping over the edge. His hips snapped forward, rocking hard into Jared
as he thrust through his release. It was undoubtedly the hardest he’d ever come
and Jensen didn’t want to put too much stock into how Jared made him come so
hard he was seeing stars.
Collapsing down onto the man, Jensen panted into Jared’s neck, eyes closing as
he inhaled shakily. It actually hurt to breathe, his entire body shuddering
with waves of pleasure, and his heart was racing painfully. “Jesus, Jared,” he
murmured, still gently rocking forward.
With what remained of his control over his body, Jared snaked an arm around
Jensen's neck and held on. It was like floating away on some crazy ocean - the
waves slowly becoming weaker and weaker as they moved away from shore. Smiling
he nuzzled into Jensen's hair weakly and whispered softly. "Thank you."
Snorting a laugh, Jensen slowly pulled back from Jared and shook his head.
“Don’t thank me. That’s weird. You can say, god Jensen that was amazing and
we’ll leave it at that.” He grinned at the boy and slowly crawled off the bed,
dragging his ankle and pulling until he could lift him. “Got something amazing
to show you,” he murmured and scooped Jared up, carrying him despite the nearly
bone limp quality of the boy.
He carried Jared across the large room to a far door, shoulder bumping it open
and setting him down. There was a large tub built into the floor, one of
Jensen’s extreme luxuries, and he smiled over at Jared. “Best to go to bed
clean, take a bath with me?”
Humming quietly Jared nodded and his hair flopped back down over his face.
Padding slowly over to the tub he knelt down and watched as Jensen started the
water running. The rushing white noise of the water was soothing and Jared
leaned against Jensen's side, fingers smoothing along the older man's thigh.
"I'm glad I came to you," he murmured into Jensen's shoulder.
Pausing for a long moment, Jensen considered his options for answers. But at
this point, it seemed like the truth was the best and he smiled softly over at
Jared, stroking a hand through his hair. “Glad you did too. Can guarantee
anyone you went home with at the bar wouldn’t be giving you a bath after. You’d
probably be out on your ass.” Jensen tested the water, making it just a little
warmer, before slipping in and spreading his legs. “Come on.”
Jared let himself down into the tub gingerly and winced a little when the water
hit his ass. Now that the pleasure was finally fading he ached a little; not
that he minded, in fact, it was the strangest feeling of satisfaction - like
proof he wasn't imagining this. When he was all the way in he glanced over at
Jensen and floated closer to lie back against his chest. Sighing, the steam
swirling around him, Jared moaned contentedly when Jensen's arms wrapped around
him.
This was the first time Jensen had shared a bath with anyone and it was better
than he expected. Maybe the whole thing was, laughing and joking around with
Jared, caring about whether he was in pain or not. “How you feelin’?” He asked
through a murmur, gently rubbing circles along Jared’s stomach.
“Okay, a little sore, happy.” Turning slightly Jared leaned up to kiss Jensen’s
cheek then sank back down again. “You? You still okay with me staying?” Jared
swirled his arms in the water for a few moments.
“Yeah,” Jensen smiled, looking over at the far wall. “Wouldn’t let you sleep
out on the streets or anything. Plus, I think it might be nice.” He murmured
the last bit, like he was unwilling to admit it out loud. “Think Chad will
freak?” Jensen knew all too well how over protective Jared’s best friend could
be.
"'Bout what?" Jared turned again slightly so he could look up at Jensen. "This?
Thought maybe this was just for me and you. You know? I got. I got a lot of
things to figure out." Smile fading a little Jared spotted the soap and reached
out for it, then let himself float around so he was straddling Jensen's lap.
Lathering up the soap he moved his slick hand over Jensen's neck then down
along his shoulders, massaging his muscles as he washed. "You gonna tell
Danneel?"
“Probably. I tell her everything. She’ll be happy, I mean, is things...” Jensen
shrugged and let his head roll back. “Ah well, doesn’t matter. It’s all good
right now, let’s just let it be. You just promise you’ll come find me if
something happens with your parents, okay? I’ll give you my number even.”
Jensen couldn’t let something like his past happen to Jared, there was no way.
Frowning slightly Jared curled his fingers over Jensen's shoulders then ran
them down his chest, rubbing soapy circles on his skin. "Will I get to see you
other times? I mean - only if I have a problem I guess, huh?" Rolling his lips
together, Jared leaned forward and kissed the corner of Jensen's mouth. If he
was only going to have this for a little while he was going to make the most of
it.
“We’ll see.” Jensen whispered, not sure he could grasp all that just yet. “I’m
not saying no okay? I just... I don’t want to make any promises, I...” Jensen
groaned and rubbed at his eyes before hooking his hand around Jared’s neck and
drawing him in for another kiss. “We’ll just see okay?”
Jared felt like that was his answer. His heart ached a little but he sank
forward into the kiss anyway, because it felt right. Lips working slowly over
Jensen's he rubbed at the man's chest then slid his hands down his sides to
settle on his hips. Laying his head on Jensen's shoulder Jared smiled into the
man's jaw line. "Wouldn't change tonight no matter what. Just so you know." It
hurt a little to say, but it was true.
“I know.” Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared’s shoulders and buried his nose
into the man’s hair, breathing slow and even. “It’ll be okay Jared, you’ll
see.” He hated the way his chest ached when he thought about hurting Jared and
that made the desire to please him too intense.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Any other time Jensen might have brought someone home and let them stay the
night - which he left up to them because he never invited someone but he wasn’t
the asshole type to kick them out either - they would have slept on opposite
sides of the bed, woken up, and gone about their lives with the satisfaction of
a good lay. With Jared, however, Jensen woke holding the boy pressed up against
his chest, and he blinked a few times, experimentally shifting around to see
how stuck he was. His head didn’t hurt too bad so that was a relief, and even
with the pressing need to pee, Jensen was even mostly okay with Jared’s warmth.
Maybe he could sleep with him again sometime, nothing wrong with having a guy
he slept with more than once, and Jared could learn from him. Slowly looking
down, Jensen blinked, surprised to see Jared staring up at him with that soft,
shy smile. “Mornin,” he mumbled, shifting a little back. There was something in
Jared’s look that had Jensen a little worried.
"Morning," Jared said softly. He'd been awake a while; watching Jensen sleep,
studying his face and thinking over all the events of the night before. It was
kind of a big mess in his head: the angry words of his father, the buzz of
alcohol at the club, the unwanted attention of the man there, and Jensen.
Jensen was amazing. Jared had fallen asleep relaxed and safe, Jensen's arms
wrapped around him and that was how he awoke.
"Had a good sleep, felt ... well, was good. Did you sleep okay?" Jared nestled
closer, resting his head against Jensen's chest so he could hear his strong,
steady heartbeat.
Hesitating a moment, Jensen cleared his throat, uncertain about how things
worked now. Sure, sleeping in each other’s arms was bound to happen after the
night before, but continuing to cuddle after they’d woken up? He wasn’t so sure
about that. “Uh, yeah. Slept like a rock. You got a headache or well, any sort
of ache? You could shower before school.” Jensen flinched at the word school.
Right. Because Jared was just a kid.
"Not going till this afternoon. You gotta go paint? Do they need you at the
gallery or is that all set up now?" Jared slipped his arm tighter around
Jensen's waist and trailed kisses up the man's neck. What Jared really wanted
was to stay in bed all day, each lunch at three o'clock, bathe together - all
the things he'd imagined about having someone in his life.
Jensen huffed a small laugh and gently pushed Jared back, rolling off the side
of the bed. “I’ve got a meeting with a client in a bit. Gotta pee,” he held his
hand up to Jared to keep him in bed before heading across the room to the
bathroom.
Splashing some water on his face, Jensen stared at himself in the mirror for a
few long minutes, trying to get a grip on the situation around him. This was
going to go badly, he knew it. A few minutes later he tugged the door open and
headed out, fluffing a hand through his hair as he looked around for a pair of
boxers.
"Jensen? You know - last night - was really special. I'm ... I'm glad it was
you that was - you know my first. I mean. I could have picked up someone like
Chad said but it felt good - great that it was you." Jared smiled and crawled
to the end of the bed, kneeling there and watching Jensen move around the room.
"I like you, Jensen. I know you think I'm too young. But I'm not - I know what
I feel." Jared pressed his hand over his heart. "You care about me, you were so
sweet last night - and the day I watched you paint. It's not a lot of time
we've had together but I know. You'll think I'm crazy - but since I met you -
I've had this little weird feeling inside - like I'm falling in lov-"
“Wait.” Jensen spoke loudly over Jared, keeping the word from hitting him the
way he knew it would. He was not ready to hear that, not from Jared, not from
anyone. He couldn’t give it back and the very idea made him feel a little
dizzy. “Jared,” he swallowed thickly, staring hard down at the ground. “You
don’t even know me. I understand, you’re young, this was your first time, and
everything’s really intense right now. It’s not lo... that. Thing. It’s just
the moment. Really.”
Jared looked down at the pile of his clothes and then back up at Jensen. "It's
not. It's not just last night- you care. No one has ever cared about me like
that - talked to me and told me about themselves. Isn't that worth some kind of
chance?" Pulling his knees up to his chest Jared wrapped his arms around them,
suddenly self-conscious about being naked. His mind flickered back to Jensen
cleaning the wound on his lip, the way he’d held him all night. “It’s more,” he
said again. It sounded less certain even to him though.
Something was tightening like a fist over his heart and Jensen could hardly
breathe. He felt like he was having a panic attack or something, like Jared
even suggesting that he could feel that way was making everything in him tense
up. “No, Jared. It’s not. I cleaned you up because- I can’t go into that. But
it’s not more. I’m not like that. I don’t have those feelings other people talk
about. It’s an infatuation and you’ll get over it.” Jensen paced over to his
closet, grabbing a shirt from the closest hanger and tugging it on. “I’ve got
to be somewhere.”
Something cold slithered down Jared's spine and he blinked a few times at
Jensen's back. The night before he'd thought that Jensen might even be okay
with everything, the way he talked, he'd said that Jared could have his phone
number and call him. Unfurling his body Jared climbed to his feet and padded
across the room, fingers reaching out to slide over Jensen's shoulder. "Jensen?
You're scaring me. I thought you said I could call you."
Shoulders tensing, Jensen stepped out of the touch and walked back across the
room, pulling up his wallet and tugging a card free. “You can. If something
happens, if you get into a fight with your parents, or you get in trouble, you
can call me.” Jensen walked a few steps back to Jared, holding out the card but
keeping his eyes on the wall. “Only for that, alright? We’re not a couple
Jared, we’re not together. I will help you if you need it, I promise that, but
that’s it.”
Jared looked down at the card through the blur of tears. He didn't even realize
he was crying until a tear fell onto his bare chest. "It's okay," he said
softly. "I don't need it." Turning away slowly, Jared walked over to the pile
of his clothes and slipped into his boxers then his jeans. "Chad will - Chad
will let me stay with him until I figure things out. His folks are real-”
Jared’s throat tightened and he coughed to cover up the fact that it was
emotion that was choking him.
Tugging his shirt down over his head he sat down on the edge of the bed for a
few moments to pull his socks on and take a few deep breaths. "Thanks for
last... well, thanks." Running a hand quickly through his hair Jared tugged his
jacket on and quickly wiped his face with the sleeve. Standing up was hard and
when he finally did he had to look over at Jensen again because there was some
small part of him that still didn't believe this was happening.
But Jensen was still looking away.
Closing the distance between them quickly Jared threw his arms around Jensen's
neck and pressed in close. "Can we just try maybe?" He whispered against
Jensen's neck, fingers moving slowly in the man's hair. “Just try.”
“God.” Jensen groaned and closed his eyes, trying to school back the way he
felt almost sick. “No, Jared. We can’t try.” He reached behind him, pushing
Jared back and stepping away. Gathering up all his strength, Jensen forced his
eyes up and met Jared’s gaze for the first time since everything began to
unravel around them. “Trust me here; you’ll be better off in the long run. If
you don’t want my help, then that’s your choice. This can’t happen between us.”
He didn’t know how to make it any clearer so he just kept his eyes on Jared,
wondering if apologizing at this point would just be an insult.
Staring into Jensen's eyes, Jared was still so sure there was something there,
something hurt, something more than telling him to go away. "Okay," he said
softly. "I'm sorry. It's been a rough- It's hard." Shaking a little Jared
stuffed his hands in his pockets and pulled out his phone. Turning away he
dialed Chad's number quickly.
"Jesus Jared," Chad's voice was loud in Jared's ear. "I was scared shitless,
where are you?"
Walking a few steps away from Jensen, Jared lowered his voice. "Can you come
get me? I need you." The tears were flowing again and Jared just wanted to get
outside.
"Yeah, Jared? You okay? Where are you?" The worry in Chad's voice was thick.
"I"m okay. I'm fine. I'm at, uh, I'll be at the cafe on the corner of first
and. And, uh Seymour. Come when you can?" His voice broke and Jared gritted his
teeth.
"On my way, buddy. Just, just get a coffee and I'll be there before you know
it. 'kay Jay?"
"Okay. I’ll be there." Jared pushed end on his phone and slipped the phone back
into his pocket. Wiping at his face once more he turned and smiled softly at
Jensen. "Okay then. I'm gonna-" he gestured toward the ladder. "So - I'll see
you around."
“Probably not.” Jensen shook his head, looking down at the card that Jared had
refused to take. “Good luck.” Jensen turned away from him and crossed to the
dresser, fiddling with nothing and stalling for time. Hearing the pain in
Jared’s voice was painful and Jensen was torn between hating himself and
wanting to ask Jared to stay. But he bit his lip and stayed quiet because this
was how life was, he knew it, and if he just kept Jared from thinking he loved
him then there would never be a time when he stopped and it would be easier on
them both.
Jared didn't bother saying good-bye. He wasn't sure he could actually get the
word out anyway. Moving slowly he climbed down the ladder and headed over to
try and get his boots on. When he was hauling the heavy warehouse door open he
smiled sadly, then headed out. Maybe Jensen really didn't know how good things
could be between them, or maybe, he was right. Jared figured he'd never know.
Before Jared had left, Jensen was at the edge of the loft and he watched the
boy go with narrowed eyes. It was right of him to send Jared away. He was
seventeen years old and he had a whole future spread out before him. Jensen
came with baggage that maybe caused more issues than he’d realized before. As
the door slid closed Jensen thought about the idea of never seeing Jared again
and the sinking in the pit of his stomach once more threatened to make him
sick.
-=-=-=-
“I understand that you take this whole, moody artist thing very seriously
Jensen but Jesus, don’t you think you’re going a bit too far?” Danneel’s voice
startled Jensen from the painting he’d been staring at for the last...
countless hours.
Jensen hadn’t even heard the door open and the music had been off for who knows
how long. He’d been meaning to put it on repeat but apparently it didn’t
matter. Looking over at Danneel, Jensen frowned and scratched at the freshly
forming bread growing over his jaw. He couldn’t even remember the last time
he’d shaved. That was probably a bad sign. “How’d you get in here?”
“We both have keys idiot.” Christian’s voice came from the kitchen, a grunt
shortly following. “You have no food.”
“No?” Jensen frowned and set down his paintbrush. “I forgot to go grocery
shopping.”
“How long have you been working?” Danneel was clearly disapproving of this
recent turn in Jensen’s mood. She wandered over to the racks along the wall,
slowly looking at each painting. “These are all new.”
“Yeah, I uh, had a new burst of inspiration. Decided to do all new works at the
next show.” Jensen looked from Christian back to Danneel, slowly walking toward
her. If he got too close she’d realize he hadn’t showered in almost five days
so he kept his distance. “What do you think?”
“They’re very... different. Not sure I’ve ever seen you use such a dark color
scheme.” Danneel wrapped her arms around her chest, continuing down the line.
“This is you.” Danneel stopped short, pointing at a picture that was clearly
Jensen, at a younger age, wearing a loose jacket with the hood pulled up. As
she stared, her eyes slowly widened, the moment dawning on. “Jesus, Jensen.
This is from-”
“Yeah, I know.” Jensen scratched over his beard once more, feeling
uncomfortable with her looking at it. To anyone outside his little circle of
friends, it probably wouldn’t even look like him, his face was mostly secured.
But Danneel had met him shortly after that time and she got him on a different
level.
Christian had joined them and he stared at the painting, for once seemingly at
a loss for words. Jensen had met Christian around then too, just before
Danneel, and he seemed to be thinking the same thing Danneel was. When he
finally spoke, his voice was a little more hoarse than usual. “What happened?
Why are you doing this now?”
Leave it to his friends to see the bigger picture. Jensen thought over the last
week and a half. He hadn’t done much but paint, covering a few turbulent years
of his life that had shaped the very person he was now. Jensen wasn’t sure why
he suddenly felt like he needed to put it into pictures - even if people
wouldn’t see it the same way - but he wondered if maybe it was the thing he’d
been building up to for so many years.
“I slept with Jared.” Jensen said though he had told himself he wouldn’t tell
them. Both Christian and Danneel turned to face him, eyes wide. “A week or so
ago, little more I guess. He showed up, a little drunk, split lip, and I let
him in. Then we slept together and he spent the night and in the morning he
said he was falling in lo- that he was- well, I sent him away.”
“Jesus Christ, Jensen.” Danneel inhaled sharply, her hands dropping to her
sides. “What the hell were you thinking?”
Yeah, Jensen had expected a reaction pretty close to that. He rubbed over his
arm slowly, looking around at the paintings. Jensen only had a couple more left
for the collection to be complete but those, oddly enough, would be hardest.
“His dad was the one who gave him the split lip.” He finally said, looking back
at Danneel and Christian and shrugging. “I couldn’t just leave him out there.”
“Oh, Jensen.” Danneel sighed softly and crossed to him, throwing arms around
his shoulders and squeezing tightly. Jensen was surprised by the gesture but he
hugged her back, equally surprised to realize how much he’d missed touch. Then
she jerked back and smacked the back of his head and that was much more her
style. “You’re an idiot. I can’t believe you sent him away! Are you really so
messed up you can’t accept the idea of someone actually loving you?”
Danneel paused and Jensen opened his mouth to speak but she continued on before
he could. “You know what Jensen? I love you. Christian loves you. Hell, Misha
loves you and he doesn’t even know you! That’s love right there okay? And it’s
not going away. You’re a big, stupid, idiot, but we still feel that way. You
can’t write off anyone’s feelings just because you’ve been burned. That’s life,
people get burned, but unless you want to spend the rest of yours completely
alone, you’re gonna have to move on.”
“Amen.” Christian muttered and smiling softly. “But, you know, it’s a manly
sort of love.”
“He’s not gay this week.” Danneel added then turned back to Jensen, smacking
his arms. “You smell! And you have a beard! Look at you! You’re a wreck. What
do you think this is Jensen? You’re mourning. Because you sent Jared away.
Because, just maybe, you’re falling in love with him too.”
Jensen’s mouth was a little dry as he stared at Danneel. She’s said the very
thing he’d been trying to avoid thinking for the past week and a half. It
didn’t matter though, the glaring truth was sort of right there and he couldn’t
ignore it. “So... what? He’s still just a kid. And I’ve already ended it. What
if I am? What would it matter?”
“I have a pretty good hunch that his feelings for you haven’t magically
disappeared over a week and a half.” Danneel rolled her eyes and shoved Jensen
toward the ladder. “Go clean yourself up. Christian and I will go buy you
groceries. I’m not letting you wreck your life just because you’re stupid.”
“Is this love? Gee it’s so heartwarming.” Jensen muttered but grabbed the side
of the ladder, looking back at Danneel. “You really think he might still feel
the same?”
“Pretty sure he does, yeah.” Danneel smiled softly back at him and shook her
head. “Finish your paintings, I’m sure I could find him and get him to come to
the show or something. After all, Chad totally loves me.”
Jensen snorted and started climbing up the ladder. “Oh yeah, that’s totally
something to brag about.” He wasn’t sure he completely believed Danneel but
some part of him felt just a little bit better, thinking he still stood a
chance.
-=-=-=-
Even though Chad had picked up Jared at the cafe the day he had left Jensen's
warehouse - it took a few days and a lot of questioning for him to finally tell
his best friend what had happened. It was strange the way it all unfolded. The
weekend after Jensen had shown Jared the way out of his life, he and Chad went
to Jared's house to pick up some of his things. Just like he'd thought - Chad's
mom had insisted that it was no problem for Jared to stay with them as long as
he needed. Chad's Dad had taken him aside and spoken to him about counseling
for the family, some ideas about how they could get some help together.
Jared was glad to have them all in his life - even if it was really sad to be
in his room packing up his clothes. He spoke to him Mom for a while. She was so
confused, caught between understanding Jared and needing to support her
husband. It was a strain on all of them. But, when Jared left with Chad she
squeezed him in a long hug and whispered that they would work it out.
That night - it hadn't been Jared's intent to pour out everything to Chad but
it just kind of happened. It took him about half an hour to get out most of the
details - the argument, the way things had been with his Dad, and Jensen. By
the time he was explaining the part about Jensen telling him to leave there
were tears on his cheeks again.
"And, yeah. I just - I had to go - he wouldn’t even listen. It was like he was
in this place in his head where it was impossible, where we were impossible. No
matter what." Jared sighed and plumped up Chad's pillow under his head. "So
yeah. It's been a week and it still hurts. I realized that he can't even call
me or anything. Doesn't even know my last name." Tugging his sleeves down over
his hands Jared smiled over at Chad as he wiped his face.
For once, Chad was quiet for a while - and minus the usual smirk on his face.
"Do you feel bad about doing it?"
Jared looked up to meet his friend's ice-blue gaze. "Sex? No." He smiled
warmly. "It was really good and even if - if he doesn't didn't feel what I did,
it doesn't change it. It was great, I felt. It was great." Jared's lips were
still curled into a warm smile as he realized it would be better to spare Chad
the emotional details.
"Makes me want to punch him," Chad muttered. He flopped down on the bed beside
Jared and slung his arm over his friend's waist. "Can I punch him?"
Jared laughed softly. He imagined that Jensen could kick Chad’s ass quite
easily but he appreciate the sentiment. "Nah, besides, it's not like we'll see
him again. And if I ever did run into him - well, he was pretty clear that he
didn't want to see me again. I just feel kinda sad for him."
"Sad? You really are a sap." Chad lifted his hand to tousle Jared's hair.
"Well, think about it - when he was staring at me it wasn't like he hated me or
anything it was just - like this look of...I don't even know. I guess- it felt
like he just didn't believe I could even care about him. So, yeah, sad."
Rolling onto his back Chad tucked his hands behind his head. "We gotta find you
a guy at school or somethin'. You know, someone who will be all sweet and mopey
like you." Winking, he kicked at Jared with his foot.
Laughing again, Jared picked up his book again. It was a great idea in theory.
The problem was that it was still Jensen's face he saw when he closed his eyes
and thought about being with someone.
-=-=-=-
“Jared!” Danneel dropped her phone into her purse and hurried up the front
steps of the sidewalk, weaving past a group of girls. “Jared, hey. So glad I
caught you. Hey Chad, how’s it going?”
“Danneel, you’re lookin’ fine today.” Chad grinned at her.
Jared’s eyes moved from Danneel’s beaming smile to Chad who was pretty much
accomplishing looking like it wasn’t a complete and total surprise to see a hot
woman like Danneel waiting for them outside their High School. “Hi Danneel.”
“Boys,” Danneel grinned at them both before fixing her eyes on Jared. “Jared, I
need to talk to you.” Her smile faded slightly and she sighed. “About Jensen.”
“I’m not gonna do anything,” Jared said quickly. He figured she was either
there because she was worried about him getting Jensen in trouble or because
she wanted to make sure that he didn’t look for her friend. “I only told Chad
because he’s my best friend. But I won’t say anything - and even though I don’t
understand Jensen-”
“And he’s a prick-”
“Chad,” Jared waved his friend away and watched until Chad was sitting down on
the steps a few feet away before continuing. “Danneel - I won’t follow him or
anything. I get it.” Dropping his gaze Jared hiked his backpack up higher on
his shoulder.
“Oh Jared, you’re so adorable.” Danneel sighed and stepped forward, wrapping
her arms around him in a tight hug. “It’s not like that. I’m not here to tell
you to back off or anything.” She pulled back, still smiling at him. “It’s kind
of the opposite really. But I have to ask you something first, and I want an
honest answer. Are you in love with him?”
Jared looked down into Danneel's eyes for a few moments then he nodded slowly.
"I think so - I mean, it's hard because of the way things ... ended." Looking
down he stepped back a little, vaguely conscious of the students straggling out
of the school. “I know he thinks its stupid - or whatever - but.” Jared
shrugged. He really didn’t want to have to explain it again; telling Chad had
been hard enough.
“He doesn’t think it’s stupid, Jared. He’s just... emotionally stunted or
something. God, he’s had it rough Jared. It’s no excuse, I know, and I can’t
really tell you the story, that’s his job, but...” Danneel opened her purse and
dug around, pulling out a flier a moment later. “Look, if you love him, if you
really do, and you want to be with him, you’re gonna have to work for it. I get
it if you can’t, or if it’s too much for your life right now... but Jared, if
you do, he wants to see you.” She offered out the flier, small smile on her
lips.
Taking the paper Jared shook his head. “I don’t think he does, Danneel. It’s
sweet of you to come here and all.” Looking down he saw one of Jensen’s
paintings reproduced on the flier. It was darker than his other work and there
was a depth to it that Jared hadn’t seen in the other paintings. “This is his
painting?” Jared frowned.
“Yeah. He redid his entire show. Since everything happened with you two, he’s
just been painting. It’s not like anything I’ve ever seen.” Danneel frowned,
looking over at Chad then back at Jared. “Think about coming. He does want to
see you, even if you don’t think so. I know he’s complicated, and he probably
hurt you, and I totally understand if you can’t take the risk because I like
you a lot. I just think you’ll be good for him, and I think he feels more for
you than you know. So, that’s that. Just wanted to extend the invitation
because he wasn’t brave enough to do it himself.”
Jared read over the information about the opening then his eyes flitted back up
to the image. “Thanks for coming Danneel. And thanks for - not treating me like
a kid; I appreciate that. I just. I don’t know if I should but - I’ll think
about it.” Smiling sadly Jared glanced over at Chad.
“You didn’t come to see me at all, did you Dani?” Chad hopped off the bottom
step and paced over to them.
“Of course I did sugar.” Danneel grinned and slid her arm over his shoulders.
“Hey, where’s that girl you liked that said you weren’t popular enough?”
Danneel looked around at the girls curiously.
Chad sighed and side-stepped. “She’s the one right behind us, with the long
blond hair tied up with the black ribbon. Apparently only having had one
girlfriend just doesn’t make me that much of a catch.” Chad shrugged.
Jared turned to look and Chad kicked him. “Ow. What girl? There’s a girl?”
“Hmm.” Danneel hummed and glanced back at the girl, staring until she looked
back. Looking back at Chad, Danneel stepped away and slapped his cheek. “Fine!
If I’m not enough of a woman for you, then just... I’ll just have to try and
get over you and,” Danneel sniffed, her eyes tearing up and she brushed past
Chad, walking right in front of the girl as she headed quickly off the campus.
Chad blinked, hand fluttering up to his cheek. “What the-”
“That was awesome,” Jared muttered and laughed softly.
“Chad, are you alright?” A soft voice spoke just beside them.
Jared turned to see the girl with the black ribbon in her hair.
“Rebecca,” Chad said softly. “Yeah, that was Danneel - she...” He frowned and
rubbed at his cheek. “I just told her about you.”
“About me?” Rebecca’s eyelashes fluttered a little and she stepped closer.
Jared rolled his eyes. “Chad - I got - this - I got a thing I gotta go do.” He
laughed softly and took a few steps backwards.
Chad nodded and waved without taking his eyes off Rebecca’s. “I was telling her
how I couldn’t see her anymore ‘cause of you - you know. I told you before that
I was interested in you.”
Jared was shaking his head as he walked away.
 
-=-=-=-
“So, what did he say exactly?” Jensen glanced over at the door for the fifth
time in just as many minutes and looked back at Danneel, rolling his lower lip
under his teeth.
“He doesn’t think you want to see him.” Danneel sighed softly, running a hand
down her dress. “I wouldn’t get your hopes up Jensen.”
Swallowing the churn of bile in the back of his throat, Jensen looked away from
the door and over to the crowd. “Got it.” He said quietly, blinking a few
times. He never got his hopes up in life, not for a long time, and Jensen
wished that it would be different with Jared but he might have already burnt
that bridge. Looking over the people walking around the gallery, Jensen frowned
and tilted his head to the side. “They don’t like it.”
“Jensen,” Danneel sighed and shook her head. “They like it. It’s different,
they might have expected something else from you, but they like it.”
“I wanted him to see it.” Jensen said quietly, swallowing thickly once more and
looking back down at the ground. “I wanted to show him, you know, tell him
everything about me, my past. I just wanted to tell him; because I thought
maybe he’d still feel the same after, even knowing what I did, what I was. And
I want that. I want him to love me.”
“I didn’t know what to wear to an art opening,” Jared said softly. It had been
easy to spot Jensen in the gallery and he’d gone straight toward him, slowing
as he approached just to take in the whole feeling. He’d stopped right behind
Jensen and Danneel’s face hadn’t given away that he was there. “Know anyone who
can tell me the story behind these paintings?”
Jensen pursed his lips, staring at Danneel for a long moment. “You bitch.” He
whispered and she simply smirked before turning to walk off. Jensen ran a hand
through his hair, nervous, and turned to Jared. He looked gorgeous, black v-
neck shaping his chest, black dress pants making his legs look longer than
usual. It was so good to see him that Jensen couldn’t help smiling and stepping
forward, just barely holding back from hugging him. “You came. I wasn’t sure
you would. You look great though.”
“You look really hot,” Jared said. He laughed. “The blue looks good on you.” It
didn’t hurt that the dark slacks Jensen was wearing hugged his body in all the
right places then pooled at his ankles. “You look like an artist.”
“Funny that.” Jensen laughed softly and stepped a little closer, hesitating
before reaching out to touch Jared’s arm. “Thanks for coming. I know it
probably wasn’t the easiest thing, considering.” He smiled nervously at Jared,
squeezing his arm softly.
"Danneel said you wanted to see me." Jared looked away, finding the intensity
in Jensen's eyes a little too much. Turning out of Jensen's touch Jared looked
around at the paintings. "These paintings are different. Darker."
Jensen’s hand hovered in the air for a moment before he dropped it, stuffing
his hands into his pockets and nodding. “It’s a life thing, a retrospect or
something. I just got this idea, after... well. I started a whole new set and
this is what it turned out to be.” Jensen had never had so much trouble trying
to explain his art in general and he laughed weakly, looking down at his shoes.
He didn’t even feel like he had the right to be talking to Jared after how he’d
treated him. “I’m sorry, Jared, about the other night. Or, well, morning. I’m
sorry for how I treated you.”
“It’s okay. You warned me - I just got caught up in it. I get what you were
trying to say to me. I think.” Jared smiled and slid his hands into his
pockets, pulling them back out again when he realized he was mirroring Jensen’s
actions. “You gonna explain the paintings?”
Now that Jared really was here, Jensen wasn’t so sure he could go through with
it. Especially considering the detached air Jared was giving off. Jensen was
beginning to think he almost liked it better when Jared was trying to attach
himself permanently to his side. “It’s a long story.” Jensen shrugged, looking
over at Danneel and Christian who weren’t even trying to hide that they were
staring. “They’re not all dark. I’ve got some colorful ones, at the end of the
thing.”
“Guess I can just wander around and look myself.” Jared sighed and turned away
then turned back quickly. “Do you want me here? I was sure I just heard you say
that you wanted to tell me about you, that you wanted me to feel-” throwing his
hands up slightly Jared shook his head. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Jared,” Jensen sighed, sliding his arms over his chest. “I- what should I say?
You heard me, so you know I want you here. But I wasn’t sure, I didn’t know if
you wanted to be here and I’ve never told anyone. I just never had to. And, I
don’t know. Do you want to hear it?” So far, Jensen was doing a really bad job
at this he thought.
Swallowing down all the nagging fears, Jared reached out and tangled their
fingers together loosely. "Tell me," he said softly. Jensen obviously had a
story he needed to get out and Jared cared about him more than enough to take a
risk.
“Okay.” Jensen nodded slowly, wetting his lips before nodding his head toward
the first painting in the collection. “This is, the beginning, kind of. After
my parents... they kicked me out. When I got released from the hospital, I
tried to go back home and they wouldn’t let me. Not for any clothes or
anything.” Jensen inhaled shakily, touching the side of the painting. “I can
remember, those first few nights. It was November, and it was freezing. I had
some broken ribs and nowhere to sleep.”
Swallowing back the emotion inspired by the words, Jensen moved on to the next
painting, the one of him. “I was just barely seventeen, younger than you I
guess. I lived on the streets, I...” Jensen sighed and rubbed along the back of
his neck, looking over at Danneel and Christian who were probably trying to
determine what part of the story he was at. Looking back at Jared, he smiled
wryly and shrugged. “Had to make money you know? So I did things, made some
tough choices. I’m sure you can put it together.”
Turning to look at Jensen, Jared smiled slightly then looked back at the
painting. As he moved to the next picture he threaded his fingers through
Jensen's, thumb rubbing over the back of his hand. "You're telling me that you
... did things for money? To guys?"
“Yeah.” Jensen nodded, tapping the edge of the next picture. “That’s how my
first time was. With everything. Not the best way to learn.” Jensen laughed
weakly, smiling over at Jared when he squeezed his hand again. “Each painting
is for a year in that life.” Jensen touched the edge of the next three
paintings, stopping at the fourth. “When I was twenty I met this guy, in a
club, my usual grounds. He was older, cute, and funny. I liked him a lot but
I’m pretty sure by then my whole aversion to love was pretty well ingrained.”
Jensen sighed. It felt both like weight was being taken from his shoulders and
pressing in at his chest at the same time. He didn’t feel like he had the words
to tell Jared more so he led him to the next painting. Mostly the same black
with splashes of dark red. “He was obsessed with me. Youth or something. Chris
used to joke around and call it the Dorian Grey complex. Obviously he knew what
I was and he tried to give me a better life. You know, ala Julia Roberts or
something. But it turned pretty bad, pretty fast. He wanted a lot more than I
could give and he got me hooked on some pretty bad things. God, this must all
sound so stupid to you.”
"It sounds scary, sad, and like you didn't have anyone to love you but it
doesn't sound stupid." Jared pulled his hand free and slid his hand across the
silk covering Jensen's back, tucking in against his side. "Hooked on what
things?" Jared's heart was aching for Jensen - but he wanted to know how Jensen
had gotten to be so locked inside himself.
“A wide variety of things. Drugs, alcohol, I don’t know. That feeling of being
wanted.” Jensen sighed and leaned slightly into Jared, closing his eyes for a
moment. “But it wasn’t right. He didn’t really want me, he just kind of used me
up I guess. Wrung me out until I was dry. He bought me things, the drugs and
stuff, he pushed me until I cut myself off from Dani and Chris, I nearly lost
everything. Until one night he just sort of snapped, took things too far, and I
finally had to make a run for it.”
Opening his eyes once more, Jensen led the way over to the next series of
paintings. “Rehab. Recovery. Mending things.” He laughed and shook his head,
touching the slowly brightening paintings. “I don’t know if that’s really when
it happened, you know, the closing myself off thing. I think part of it might
have been before, maybe when my parents deemed me unworthy of their love, maybe
the first time I sucked a dick for cash and a place to stay. Just, this idea
popped into my head.”
Before Jensen could take Jared further he stopped and turned to him, hands
coming up to move as he spoke. “People don’t love forever, Jared. They fall in
love and it’s an infatuation. It ends. Even parents. You feel it for a while,
and it’s great, and it’s new, and you want to just savor every single moment of
it. Then, it’s over. It’s not new anymore. And you fall out of love and you
either fake it until the end or you kick the person to the curb and find
someone new. So me, feeling... it’s just- I don’t want to be kicked to the curb
any more, you know?”
"I don't believe that," Jared answered quietly. "I don't believe that love has
to go away. What about Danneel? She loves you. You know, I cared about you even
while you were breaking my heart. You want to know what I was thinking about
while you were telling me to go that morning? I was thinking about how sad you
looked and how it didn't seem like you really felt nothing because your eyes,
they were sad - like there was all this hurt in you."
"You wanna know how adult I am, Jensen? I'm not gonna stand here and promise
that I'll love you forever. I know things change... I know from - with my Dad."
Jared looked down for a few moments. "But you know what? I sure want a chance."
Jared stepped closer again, fingers curling around Jensen's wrist. "All this
stuff..that happened to you - it's just part of who you are. Let me love you."
When Jared looked back up there were tears in his eyes. "I think I can be real
good at it."
Tears burned along Jensen’s eyes and he blew out a low breath, looking to the
side for a long moment, not sure he could figure out what to say. Finally he
stepped back and grabbed Jared’s hand, leading him the rest of the way across
the gallery to a large painting that was filled with color, almost brighter
than his usual. “This.” He pointed at it then wiped at his eyes, shaking his
head with a quiet laugh. “This is you Jared. This is how you made me feel. And
I’m completely terrified to feel that.”
The painting was gorgeous. It was bright and hopeful, the colors that swirled
through it were like the crest of the wave and Jared leaned into Jensen's
shoulder. "It's beautiful; don't you wanna feel like that?"
“What if it ends with me feeling like that?” Jensen pointed over at the darker
paintings, wetting his lips nervously. “See? This should be a sign. You’re
seventeen years old and trying to convince me to give love a shot. I’m twenty-
eight. How could this work? You’re gonna go to college, where you’ll meet more
gay guys, you’ll find someone your age, another writer. Jared, you’re
brilliant, and funny, and gorgeous, and sweet, and I think I could go on for
hours here. Give me one good reason that I should let us both be put on the
line like that?”
"Because of the way my chest aches when I'm not with you. The fact that even
though I thought coming here might be crazy I did it anyway because I wanted to
know you were okay. And I really loved waking up next to you. I've never felt
so safe. That's what love is - isn't it? Isn't it taking chances? What if I
hadn't come here, Jensen? I would never know if you-" A tear slipped down
Jared's cheek and he wiped at it quickly. "If I hadn't come tonight, I would
never have known how much you wanna love me, even if you feel like you can't.
That worth somethin'." Dropping his gaze to the floor Jared squeezed his eyes
shut.
“You’re thinking I won’t give in.” Jensen said softly, reaching out to brush
his fingers over another tear that had slid down Jared’s cheek. “Jared, you
know it’s not gonna be easy right? You know that there might be times, a lot of
times- that I do really stupid stuff. And you’re young, and I don’t want you to
feel trapped, you get all of that right?” He sighed softly and stepped a little
closer, curving his fingertips around Jared’s neck.
Jared's eyes moved up quickly - because those words were about the most
beautiful thing he'd ever heard because it sounded like a chance. Tilting his
head Jared leaned into Jensen's touch. "Are you saying? Are you saying we can
try?" Blinking a few times, Jared's eyes grew wider and he stepped closer.
"Jensen? Are you?" His fingers curled into the smooth silk of Jensen's shirt
and tugged on it until the man had no choice but to step closer.
“I...” Jensen sighed and looked over at Danneel and Christian. He was pretty
sure they hadn’t looked away through the entire conversation. He turned his
gaze back to Jared and smiled softly, dipping his head in a nod. “Yeah, Jared,
I’m saying we can try. It’s gonna be hard, but I’ll try, for you.” He smiled a
little brighter and slid his fingers up into Jared’s hair, bringing their
foreheads together. “You gonna work with me on it?”
"You bet your ass I am," Jared said quickly. He laughed quietly, fingers still
tight on Jensen's shirt. "Gonna work so hard you won't ever want to give me up.
Not ever." Jensen's laughter sent warm breath across Jared's lips. "You know
what? You should probably kiss me, you know, so Danneel can let go of the
breath she's been holding." Jared's heart was thundering and he slid his free
hand over Jensen's hip.
“See? You’re learning my friends, it’s a good sign.” Jensen grinned and pushed
forward, slanting his lips over Jared’s and kissing him deeply. His arms
wrapped around Jared’s chest, pressing him hard against his chest and holding
him there. He thought he heard Danneel cheer and he laughed into the kiss, his
hands sliding down Jared’s back as he kissed him harder.
For a few moments, Jared lost himself in the warmth of the kiss - it felt a
little different this time; it felt like there was so much more to Jensen's
touch. Jared's knees felt a little weak and he leaned heavily into Jensen. It
wasn't until he heard some gentle applause that he realized they were still in
the gallery and there were quite a few people standing around watching them. A
serious blush burned its way up Jared's neck and he buried his face in Jensen's
neck.
“Stop being so adorable,” Jensen laughed and wrapped his arms around Jared’s
body. “This is why I’ve fallen for you in the first place.” He turned his lips
into Jared’s hair, soft sigh falling from him. “How have you been? Where are
you living? Things with your parents?” Jensen finally felt like the weight was
completely off his shoulders and he was eager to hear about Jared now.
Jared laughed softly and brushed his hair back off his face as he straightened
up. "Listen, these people all came here to meet the artist and I've been takin'
all your time. Why don't you mingle, let them tell you how amazing you are then
take me home with you and we'll talk all you want." Jared's lips brushed across
Jensen's cheek. His heart was still beating so fast it felt like it might fly
right out of his chest.
“So you’ll stick around.” Jensen smiled softly, touching Jared’s cheek.
“Promise you won’t go anywhere?”
“Nope. Not going anywhere.” Jared walked backwards a few steps until he bumped
into someone. “Sorry Ma’am.” Turning back to face Jensen he shrugged and
grinned.
Jensen laughed softly, shaking his head as he turned back to the crowd, feeling
finally capable of being able to address them all with a genuine smile.
Danneel’s hands landed hard on Jared’s shoulders and she grinned, spinning him
toward her. “Please tell me that the most epic make up kiss ever means you’ll
be around more often and I can finally have someone in my group of friends that
does not see relationships as the sign of death.”
Laughing, Jared leaned down and hugged Danneel so hard she squeaked as he
picked her up. "He likes me. A lot. He's gonna try. I'm gonna make it work."
Jared placed a big, wet kiss on Danneel's cheek and set her back down.
“That is fantastic.” Danneel grinned and shoved his chest, laughing. “I promise
to help along the way, however I can. If you need me to kick his ass, I totally
will. I was there for many of the downfalls you know? I can totally whip him
into shape whenever needed.”
Jared was grinning a bit like an idiot; he knew it. “I’m sure we’ll need you
sometimes.” His smile faded a little and he turned to watch Jensen as he spoke
to someone near one of his paintings. “Thank you - you know, for helping us do
this.”
“Trust me Jared, there is no one more interested in seeing Jensen happy.”
Danneel slid her arm through Jared’s, laying her head on Jared’s shoulder. “I
think you can make him happy. I’m fully rooting for you. Hey, did Chad hook up
with that girl?”
Jared laughed. “He took her out for coffee and said he found out she was kind
of boring. But - her best friend seems to be pretty amazing. Guess you’re
pretty good at this match making thing.”
“Yes and one day I will find my own prince charming.” Danneel sighed wistfully
and dropped her hand, smacking Jared’s ass. “Jensen’s lucky.”
“Dani!” Jensen called across the gallery, his eyes narrowed. “Hands off my
man!”
Jared laughed again and pulled Danneel in closer. “I think I’m pretty lucky.”
***** Chapter 4 *****
It was hard not to be nervous, having Jared in his home once more. He wanted to
make Jared happy, he wanted this to be perfect, and he was terrified that he’d
make a mistake. “Do you want something to drink? How long can you stay?” He
tossed his jacket over the basket chair and kicked off his shoes, running hands
up through his hair.
Leaving his shoes by the door, Jared walked over to the chair and looked down
at Jensen. “I told Chad I would be home around one or so. Was kinda hoping I
would get to talk to you.” Jared left out the part about how worried Chad was
that he would end up at Jensen’s place again and have a repeat performance of
the last time they got together.
“Yeah, we can talk. I was just, just water. I’m not saying we have to drink or
anything.” Jensen sighed and leaned against the counter top. “Sorry, I
didn’t... so, you’re staying at Chad’s? Is that going well?”
“Jensen?” Jared walked over and slid his arms around Jensen’s waist, leaning
against his chest. “I didn’t mean that. I meant - that I told Chad I’d be later
because I wanted to be here. Didn’t come here thinking we were gonna get drunk
together and I know you didn’t mean that either. We’re starting fresh
remember?” He smiled and dipped his head down a little until Jensen looked at
him.
“Yeah, I know.” Jensen nodded, arms sliding around Jared. “Sorry, I just
didn’t- you know, I wanted to make sure we were on the same page. That I
wouldn’t try anything. So if I say, want to go up to my bed to lay down, it’s
only because I’ve painted about twenty five paintings in the last two weeks and
I’m a little tired of standing.”
“We can do that. I like your bed. Good memories.” Jared smiled and stepped
back, pulling Jensen’s hand to lead him toward the ladder. “You need anything
before we go up?”
“No, I’ve got some water up there.” Jensen laughed softly and let Jared climb
up first before following him. “I am quite literally exhausted. You should have
seen the look on Katie’s face when I told her I was designing a whole new show.
I thought she was going to collapse and die.” The minute he was up in his room
Jensen started unbuttoning his shirt, more than eager to be comfortable again.
Jared looked away and walked over to Jensen's bookshelf and crouched down to
look at the books. "So yeah, by the way. I'm staying with Chad. His folks have
been great to me. Oh - and I've got an appointment with a counselor, gonna meet
my folks there. Dad said he would go." Standing again Jared turned to find
Jensen wearing only a white wife beater and jersey briefs. "Wow. You, uh, you
look good."
“Yeah, I mean.” Jensen laughed and rubbed across his stomach. “Wanted to be
comfortable. This okay? It won’t uh, bother you?” He walked over to the bed,
sinking in relief onto the bed. “And that’s great, about your family and your
dad; I really hope it works out well.”
Bother him? Jared blew out a breath and bit down on his bottom lip. Seeing
Jensen like that was going to bother him alright; in the best possible way.
Without waiting to be asked Jared padded over and sank down onto the bed then
flopped back and rolled onto his side, wriggling down to get comfy. “I hope so
- but my Mom - she’s good. I mean, even if my Dad can’t see his way through all
this I’ve got her.”
“Good.” Jensen nodded. He had to bite his lip for a moment to keep from telling
Jared not to expect too much. He’d long since learned that it was all
situation-based. And really, he wanted the absolute best for Jared and his
parents. “I hope your Dad comes around though, so you can move back home. But
until then, staying with Chad is good? His parents are okay with you?”
"Yeah, they're great. Chad's Mom has always been great about me being gay. I
think she figures that, somehow, I'm good for Chad - like I balance out how
crazy over the top macho he tries to be." Jared laughed and shifted a little
closer. "Can I touch you? I really wanna touch you."
Smiling softly, Jensen dipped his head in a nod. “Yeah, you can touch me.” He
reached out, letting his hand settle on Jared’s hip as he rolled onto his side
and faced the boy, man, whatever. “It’s good that Chad’s parents are supporting
you. So, uh, what do we do now? I guess we should go slow? Until you finish
school?”
“Guess if you want to. I mean, it’s not illegal or anything if that’s what
you’re worried about. Not in our state.” Jared looked a little smug when Jensen
raised an eyebrow. “I checked. I’m good at researching; it’s the writer in me.”
For some reason that didn’t really surprise Jensen and he laughed softly,
shaking his head. “Believe it or not, I’m worried about you. You have to finish
school, maybe fix things with your parents, and go to college. All the things I
didn’t do, you can do them.” Jensen shifted a little closer, letting his legs
brush Jared’s. “And you can fit me in there, in the empty spaces.”
"My parents - that will happen however it happens. I checked out school
already, Chad and I did. There's a school here he wants to go to, one of those
art kind of schools that has an acting program. He'll be really good." Jared
nodded and pressed his lips together. "They have a writing program too. If
maybe there was a reason for me to stay..." Jared smiled and wriggled closer.
“You already know I’m here.” Jensen looked past Jared at the wall before
settling his eyes back on him. “Like I could really give this place up. So,
you’ll go to this school. Gonna share a dorm room with Chad? See how long it
takes before he drives you nuts?” Jensen was already trying to imagine Jared in
college, how busy he’d be, and the air caught in his lungs just barely. It was
too easy to see all the reasons they wouldn’t work.
"I won't have a lot of free time and I think Chad is going to be some crazy
social butterfly." Sliding his hand up over Jensen's chest Jared blew out a
nervous breath. "I was gonna ask Chad's Mom and Dad if I could stay there, take
the bus to college; problem is that it's about an hour ride each way. You
probably know it. The Academy of Fine Arts - 'bout a ten minute walk from
here." Jared smiled crookedly and rubbed his thumb over Jensen's cheek. "Be
perfect to find a place around here. I got a few months to find someone I'm
compatible with."
“Is that your way of suggesting you should maybe just live here?” Jensen asked
quietly and no, he couldn’t deny the way his heart fluttered at the thought.
“You should know sometimes I wake up at three in the morning with an idea for a
painting and I just paint. I wouldn’t stop doing that if you did happen to move
in.” Jensen slid his hands around to the small of Jared’s back, pulling him a
little closer. “Unless of course you weren’t referring to moving in, then
disregard that.”
Jared shrugged, his smile bringing out the dimples on his cheeks. "If I did
happen to move in it'd be okay 'cause Chad says I could sleep through a
tornado. You should know though, that I like to cuddle at night. You kind of
ruined me for that - so, you know, if I moved in you'd have to expect it." The
warmth that was bubbling up through Jared's body was making him feel a little
giddy.
“Yeah well, my sex drive has not decreased in my old age.” Jensen murmured and
finally dipped forward, sliding his lips along Jared’s neck. “You should know
that. I’d expect you to satisfy my urges.” The idea of Jared living there was
growing in his mind, giving him ideas about their future and it was terrifying
and amazing all at once, so much so that Jensen was once more struggling to
breathe. “You wouldn’t have to pay anything okay? I’ve heard that school is
rough, so you’d focus on that and me and your friendships and I would take care
of the rest. Would that be okay?”
Laughing again, Jared tucked his fingers under Jensen's chin. "I've still got
months of school left; we've got lots of time to figure it out. It kind of
sounds like I was maybe daydreaming about all this - and planning it out,
doesn't it? Which would make me a little bit pathetic." Jared pressed his lips
to Jensen's, sucking his bottom lip for a few moments before dragging his
tongue along it. "Gotta get Chad's approval too. He says it’s his right as best
friend to have input on my boyfriends.”
“Well that’s the end of me then. Chad hates me.” Jensen sighed and flopped back
on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. “Honestly? I’m a little used to
everything just happening you know? Too many times in my past where suddenly
(??) was there, at home, then not. On the street then in a seedy motel room.
Etc, etc.” Jensen shrugged and glanced over at Jared, pulling him in closer.
“Will you ever be allowed to stay the night?”
"First of all, Chad doesn't hate you he just loves me a lot. He's had to listen
to how wonderful you are for rather a long time, you can't seriously think this
is gonna surprise him. Told him I was coming to see you tonight and he said he
hoped it worked out." When Jensen looked a little surprised, Jared's smiled
widened. "Like I said, he loves me a lot. And when I moved into Chad's house,
his parents gave me the same rules as Chad. I can stay out on weekends - long
as they know who I'm stayin' with so you should probably come over for dinner
Friday night then bring me back here and .. you know." Jared shrugged.
“What?” Jensen blinked a few times, his eyes growing wide once more. “Meet
Chad’s parents? Oh god. I’m so not ready for that. You think they will be okay
about a twenty-eight year old that for some pervy reason wants to date a
seventeen year old? I think we’ll turn some heads there Jared.” Jensen laughed
weakly, slumping forward onto the man’s body. Maybe he really could just wait
until Jared graduated, he’d done crazier things.
Jared worried his bottom lip with his teeth. “I could have, possibly, already
told them about you. Maybe. A little.” Jared pushed Jensen down and laid across
his chest before he could protest.
“You told them that you’re in lov- that you’re falling for- you know. You told
them? About me?” Jensen frowned, looking down at Jared then closing his eyes.
“That I’m twenty-eight? And that I took your virginity? What sort of details
are we talking about here?”
“I told them I met a man that was special. That you had some things going on,
that things were hard for us. Chad’s mom said it doesn’t surprise her at all
that I would, you know, care about someone who was older than me. She says I’m
much more mature than most guys my age.” Jared dragged a finger down Jensen’s
nose and bumped it over his lips before leaning down to kiss him.
“You’re kind of maddeningly infuriating,” Jensen murmured and kissed Jared
back, pulling him up to deepen it. He wasn’t so certain it was a good thing for
Chad’s parents to know about him but if Jared said it wasn’t illegal, then it
couldn’t be as bad. He spread his legs so Jared fell between them, arms linking
around the man as his tongue swept across Jared’s before he pulled back. “Did I
tell you how gorgeous you looked tonight?”
Smiling shyly Jared kissed his way along Jensen’s jaw to his ear. “I knew where
you were as soon as I walked into the gallery. It was like I just knew where to
find you.” Kissing his way back along Jensen’s stubbled cheek, Jared rubbed
their noses together. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Mmhmm.” Jensen hummed softly, a smile on his lips as his fingers slipped under
Jared’s shirt, running over his back. This was so different from what Jensen
was used to, sweet, romantic Jared treating him like he was the best thing in
the world. Jensen didn’t think he deserved that.
“Would you have really never come to find me? I mean - ‘cause that would have
been...” Jared nosed into Jensen’s hair, breathing in deeply. “Seems like it
would have been kind of crazy for us not to have this.” Rubbing his hand up
Jensen’s neck, Jared tangled his fingers in the short red-brown hair.
“Not sure. I was really banking on you coming to the show.” Jensen laughed
softly and slipped his hands further up Jared’s shirt, pushing until Jared had
no choice but to let him pull it off. “If you hadn’t, I think I would have
hunted you down. After all, I found the school address for Dani.” Jensen’s
hands curled over Jared’s sides, running over the small of his back and
slipping just under his pants.
“You found it? Did she tell you that I thought she’d come to kick my ass?”
Jared kneeled up so he could catch the soft cotton hem of Jensen’s wife beater
and push it up slowly. Dragging his thumbs along the warm flesh, he wet his
lips. “I figured you’d sent her to tell me to back off, she’s kind of scary.”
“She’s terrifying.” Jensen agreed, trailing off in a soft moan as Jared’s
fingers brushed over his nipples. He sat up just barely so Jared could pull the
wife beater off then fell back on the mattress, running his hands once more up
along Jared’s sides. “I wanted to give you the invitation myself but I was
afraid if I showed up, that you wouldn’t talk to me. Or that Chad would spit on
me or something.”
“Even after you had to ask me so many times to leave here that... that
morning?” Jared felt a little nip of hesitancy and pressed his lips together.
“I won’t stay here tonight. I won’t wake up here. I don’t want-” he huffed out
a quick breath and shifted so he was straddling Jensen’s hips. “You can’t make
me leave again, I mean. You know that right?”
“I wouldn’t ask you too.” Jensen said quietly and let his hands drop to the
bed, staring up at Jared uncertainly. “I didn’t say you had to spend the night.
I don’t want to do anything you don’t want.” It probably was a little difficult
to believe considering Jensen was more than a little hard in his jersey briefs
and Jared had to feel that what with being right there and all. Sighing softly,
Jensen let his head fall to the side, staring at the wall. “I liked you staying
the night though. I liked holding you. And the way you made me feel. But I can
wait.”
Digging his nails into Jensen’s chest, Jared leaned forward and stopped just
short of their lips touching. “It hurt. A lot - you sending me away like that.
I only got so much left, you know?” He brushed his lips softly against Jensen’s
finally, the warmth of Jensen’s breath making him smile into the kiss. “It’s
‘cause I love you,” he said softly. “You don’t have to say it, you don’t even
have to feel it yourself - just know it? Okay?”
Smiling softly, Jensen tilted his head up and captured Jared’s lips in a kiss
once more. It brought heat to his cheeks, rocking through him, and Jensen
hummed. “Okay. I’ll work on knowing it. And just, know, Jared, I feel things
okay? I did feel things; it hurt to send you away. I... I won’t do it again
okay? I promise. And if it seems like I’m going to, you need to pull me out of
it or something. Don’t let me. Sorry, that’s probably too much to put on you.”
He laughed weakly and slid his hands slowly up Jared’s back.
Smile tugging at his lips again, Jared nipped at Jensen’s chin. “Oh, I’ll do
something alright.” Jared slid down Jensen’s chest, nipping and licking at each
curve of muscle then catching a nipple between his teeth. The flesh rolled
slowly between the blunt edges of his teeth and he rode the arch of Jensen’s
body before letting it go. “You like that?”
“Yes, god,” Jensen groaned and rocked his body up once more, wanting more of
the touch. “Jared, you gonna try some things you’ve never done before?” Jensen
lifted his head to peer down at Jared, small grin growing on his lips. “I’ve
got this feeling you’ve been thinking about it.”
"Yeah, well." Jared nipped at the hardening flesh again and then slid further
down. "There are lots of things I didn't get to try. Lots of things I've never
done. Last time I was kind of blown away by everything. You." Jared's tongue
was moving in long glides down the center of Jensen's chest; he could taste the
slightly salty flavour of sweat and feel the smoothness of the man's skin.
“Last time,” Jensen moaned softly and spread his legs a little wider, giving
Jared as much room to work as possible. “I made you come twice. I made your
first time good right?” He’d been a little curious about that, because even if
he fucked up the morning after, he wanted Jared to thoroughly enjoy the memory
of his first time. That could really make a difference in your life.
"Good?" Jared's tongue slipped into Jensen's belly button and then he was
nosing along the waistband of his briefs. "It was amazing I still think about
it - want it again. Sometime." Jared had other plans for the evening. "This
time, I actually want to make you feel good, there's a lot of you for me to get
to know." Dragging his palm down Jensen's flesh, Jared moaned when he could
feel the soft cotton then the hard bulge underneath it.
Eyes closing, Jensen moaned softly and rocked up into the touch of Jared’s
hand. “You did make me feel good last time, you know,” he half whispered the
words and dug his heels into the mattress, arching up. “Sort of felt like it
was my first time, a good first time, better.” He chuckled softly and slid his
fingers through Jared’s hair, moaning at the next lingering touch. “You
believe... ‘bout makin’ me feel good before, right? It’s important.”
Laughing softly, Jared ghosted his lips over Jensen’s briefs and rubbed the
length of the man’s arousal. “Saw it in your eyes,” Jared murmured. The heat
that Jensen's body was radiating was kind of frightening. Resting his chin just
beside Jensen’s cock, Jared stared up at him for a few moments. “You my guy
now? Like, just me?” It sounded juvenile but it was important.
“You tellin’ me you don’t want me to sleep around?” Jensen murmured, hooking
his arm under his head and reaching out to brushing a hand through Jared’s
hair. “You want us to be exclusive, completely?”
“Guess it doesn’t have to be. I mean, it’s early - you might not want to do
something like that.” Smile wavering slightly, Jared shook his head. “Never
mind.” He shifted back down, finger tracing along the edge of Jensen’s
waistband and tugging gently.
“Hey, wait,” Jensen sat up, hooking his hands under Jared’s arm and pulling up.
“Jared.” Jensen smiled softly and framed his face with spread fingers, holding
him there. “I was just making sure we were on the same page here. I want that,
exclusive. I haven’t slept with anyone since you; I’m actually finding the
whole one night stand thing a bit tedious really. You don’t have to be afraid
to ask for things from me. Especially if we’re in a relationship.”
“I can ask for what I want?” Jared fit himself close against Jensen’s side and
slid his leg up the man’s body making sure he pushed his knee hard against
Jensen’s cock.
Groaning, Jensen closed his eyes and rocked up into the touch before dropping
back, sucking in a slow breath. Naturally Jared would be a tease. “Anything you
want,” he murmured and turned to look at Jared, soft smile on his lips. “Got a
request in mind?”
“Yeah, so it’s okay?” Jared grinned, flashing dimples as he slid back down the
bed.
“Well I can’t tell you if the request is okay if you don’t tell me what it is.”
Jensen laughed softly and watched Jared move slowly down his body.
“Not gonna.” With a last look up at Jensen, Jared curled his fingers over the
waistband of the man’s briefs and tugged until Jensen’s cock was free. Slipping
his leg back over Jensen, he settled against his hip then leaned forward,
tongue darting out to lap at the pearls of come he could see.
Sucking in a slow breath, Jensen sank back down into the mattress and tried to
keep his hips from rocking up. “Jared,” he moaned softly and rocked up, losing
the battle to not try for more of Jared’s heat. He could tell the man was
testing it out, finding a method that worked for him, and Jensen grabbed the
sheet, tightening it in his fist. “Jesus that- your tongue.”
"It's my tongue," Jared said softly. Smiling he shifted closer and dragged his
lips down the length of swollen flesh. "Those were my lips," he murmured
against the hot flesh. "And this?" Baring his teeth slightly Jared let them
drag back up gently until he could flick his tongue into the slit. "Teeth," he
murmured.
Jensen’s breath caught on a hum and a moan and a laugh, all the noises getting
tangled up in his mouth and ending up like a gasp. “Cocky son of a bitch,” he
huffed and brushed his thumb down Jared’s cheek. Jared being all sarcastic and
snarky in his own adorably innocent way was probably either the hottest or most
amazing thing Jensen had ever heard and he couldn’t help grinning.
Jared really liked the noises that Jensen was making and knowing that he was
responsible for those sounds sent a thrill racing through his system. Wetting
his lips again he slid his body a little more over Jensen's hip lapped quickly
at the head of his cock then opened his mouth and sucked the weeping flesh in.
The taste burst over his tongue, musky and salty-sweet and Jared moaned.
Jensen's hips jolted up underneath him and Jared slid his hand over Jensen's
thigh to hold him gently.
“Jared,” Jensen moaned and closed his eyes, trying to keep his body from
jerking up too much more. His nails scraped through Jared’s hair, slowly
tightening and holding him there then releasing, giving Jared the room to work.
The tight heat of Jared’s mouth was insane, Jensen had had plenty of blow jobs
before but this was on a whole new level. Maybe because Jared actually cared,
he was working so hard to make Jensen feel everything amazing and Jensen loved
it. “God, more,” he groaned and rocked up a little more.
Pulling in a quick breath Jared sank the wet ring of his lips about half way
down Jensen's shaft. Pressing his tongue against the flesh he moaned again,
fingers slipping down to tuck under the soft flesh of Jensen's balls. Squeezing
his fingers, rolling the flesh between them Jared felt another burst of flavor
on his tongue and pulled back enough to suck up the beads of come.
Shoulders shaking, Jensen pushed up to his elbows, watching Jared move over his
cock. “God,” he wet his lips and rocked up, breathing so deeply his chest
shook. “Want you to come with me, come up here.” He tugged gently at the man’s
hair, smiling softly down at him. “Otherwise, m’gonna go insane.”
With a last long suck on Jensen's cock, Jared pulled back and smiled as he
flicked his tongue teasingly over the head. Crawling slowly up Jensen's body,
Jared couldn't help moaning. His pants were tight across his hips and he arched
his back to grind his crotch against Jensen's. "Could do this forever," he
whispered.
“Good. Just remember that.” Jensen smiled softly up at him before reaching
down, nudging Jared back so he could tug at his pants. “Gonna teach you so many
things,” he murmured and captured Jared’s lips in a slow kiss, working his
tongue forward to chase away all the hints of his taste there.
-=-=-=-
Slowly scanning the table, Jensen rubbed his hands together, confident that
they had enough food at the table to feed a crowd of twelve. There was only
going to be five of them, so it shouldn’t be that big of an issue. Still, he
was starting to worry that maybe he should have made more lasagna or something.
“Jesus Jensen, how many people are you having over?” Christian said as he
climbed down from the loft. He’d just gotten off work so he’d used Jensen’s
shower and he looked ridiculous with a towel wrapped around his waist and
another on the top of his head, keeping his hair up.
“Well, there’s you, so that counts as three.” Jensen shifted forward to
straighten out some silverware, smirk growing on his lips.
“Fucking hilarious.” Christian muttered and walked over, snatching a roll from
the bowl. “And?”
“Danneel should be here soon. She insisted upon getting a cake though I said
no.” Jensen rolled his eyes and smoothed a hand down his shirt. “And Jared
asked if he could bring Chad, so both of them. Jason can’t make it tonight.”
“Ah, so you’ve invited the boyfriend.” Christian smirked, leaning against the
chair. “And things between you are...?”
“Good. Great, even. Fucking fantastic.” Jensen smiled down at the table and
shrugged. “He’s amazing, sweet, funny. Probably couldn’t have picked a better
first boyfriend.”
“Does he know what tonight is?” Christian asked around a mouthful of food.
The oven beeped and Jensen turned to look at the kitchen, stepping toward it
then turning back to look at Christian. “No, I didn’t want to make a big deal
of it.” Jensen narrowed his eyes at Christian to mentally convey how much he
didn’t want the date to be blown out of proportion, before heading for the once
more beeping oven. There was a loud bang at the door and Jensen laughed softly.
“Get that, would you?”
Christian snorted as he pulled the towel from his hair, using it to dry over
the curls as he headed for the door. Jensen didn’t realize the possible
outcomes of Christian answering the door still slightly dripping wet in a towel
until after he already was. Because Danneel would just let herself in, so that
meant Jared was going to be greeted by that and Jensen couldn’t do much with a
hot pan of lasagna in his hand.
Jared was in the middle of telling Chad he didn't have to actually bang quite
that loud on the door when it slid open and he was suddenly face to face with
Christian.
Dripping wet and wearing nothing but a towel. Christian.
"Uh. Christian..." Jared blinked a few times and glanced over at Chad.
"You're not wearing clothes," Chad said. "I'm really hoping that's because you
had to shower here because of some crazy reason and nothing else 'cause if I
have to kick your ass on behalf of jealous here? I have a feeling you'll win."
Jared looked at Chad again then back at Christian. "Are we interrupting
something?"
“No.” Christian looked at Chad then Jared as if they were a little crazy before
turning and walking away.
Jensen quickly set the tray of food down and scowled at Christian as he passed,
hurrying up to Chad and Jared. “Sorry. That... looks bad. He just got off work
and used my shower. That’s it, I swear.”
Smiling nervously Jared nodded. “I’m-”
“Jealous,” Chad added. “Hi Jensen. I was just gonna kick Christian’s ass, but
you know he said how scared he was.” Beaming at Jensen Chad pushed past him
into the warehouse. “Holy shit this place is huge!”
“Sorry,” Jared said softly. Pulling his arm out from behind his back he held
out a small bundle of daisies. “I picked them.”
“You picked them?” Jensen tried to swallow his smile, but he couldn’t help it,
grinning a moment later and grabbing Jared’s arm, tugging him in so their lips
met. “Thank you. I’ve missed you,” he murmured, settling his hands on Jared’s
hips.
“Aw look, flowers,” Danneel slid past them, grinning. “Those are so sweet!
Birthday flowers Jensen.”
“Danneel,” Jensen hissed, looking over at the girl who had magically managed to
give up his cover in less than ten seconds.
“It’s your birthday?” Jared’s mouth fell open as he stared into Jensen’s eyes.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want to make a big deal of it.” Jensen muttered, scowling at Danneel
once more. “It’s not like there is anything glamorous about turning twenty-
nine.”
“He has an age complex.” Christian called from across the warehouse as Danneel
slid the door closed. Thankfully he was clothed now but it only went so far for
good things. “Next he’ll be telling you he’s actually twenty-one.”
“Shut up Christian Kane or else I’ll tell everyone how old you are.” Jensen
shot back then looked back at Jared, smiling softly. “Birthdays aren’t a big
thing for me. You’re here, friends are here, and that’s good enough for me.”
“Well, is now a good time to tell you I’m spending the night then? I brought my
pj’s, which is well, for lounging around in. And, a toothbrush. For your
bathroom. Gonna move in one piece at a time. Slow but effective.” Jared flung
himself forward and wrapped his arms around Jensen’s neck. “Happy Birthday
Jensen.”
“Thank you.” Jensen laughed softly and slid his arms around Jared’s middle,
tilting his head until he could capture Jared’s lips against his own. His heart
flipped at the idea of having Jared staying the night, all his for his own
private birthday celebrations. “Spend the day with me tomorrow?” He murmured
into the kiss, ignoring their friends for the moment.
“Love to; brought my paper I’m working on.” Jared kicked out at his satchel
that was resting against the wall.
Chad flew past the door with Danneel running after him and Jared blinked a few
times then pointed. “I think you better go back inside. I’m not sure what’s
happening.”
“I’m not sure I want to know.” Jensen muttered and shook his head, leading the
way into the main warehouse. Christian was muttering, shaking his head as he
poured wine into the glasses. “What the heck is going on?”
“Children playing around.” Christian laughed and held up the bottle. “Are we
letting the little ones drink?”
“Don’t call them that!” Danneel defended, hooking her arm over Chad and
dragging him close. “Chad? Do you like wine?”
Jensen shook his head and pulled out a chair, touching the small of Jared’s
back to guide him into the seat. “I hardly think Chad’s parents would be
impressed with me if I allowed them to drink.”
Jared opened his mouth to protest and Jensen caught his eye so he just grinned
and looked down at his plate. He’d hold the whole beer thing over him later. “I
don’t want a drink anyway, gotta be crystal clear to devote all my attention to
my boyfriend later.”
“Wine is nasty,” Chad added and fiddled with his fork. “You are beautiful.” He
grinned at Danneel.
Laughing, Jared settled back and smiled.
“Don’t you have a girlfriend now?” Danneel eyed Chad and laughed softly.
“Though I appreciate the compliment. And Chad, if there were more men like you
in my life, I would have a better self worth.”
“You’re completely in love with yourself,” Christian pointed out, helping
himself to some salad. “Almost as bad as Jensen.”
Jensen scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Don’t even go there. Also? Danneel? If
there were more people like Chad in your life, you’d probably have shrines
built to you.”
“And since you’ve had a shrine built to you, we all know how bad it can be.”
Danneel spoke around a bite of bread.
“Chad has a beautiful girlfriend who-”
“Doesn’t mind at all that I worship a woman as amazing as Danneel. Seriously?
Having a girl is kinda awesome.” Chad blushed and cleared his throat.
Jared laughed again and noted that he’d been doing that a lot since Jensen was
back in his life. “Hey Christian, you got a - wait - Jensen? A shrine?” Jared’s
eyes widened a little for the second time that evening. “Tell me that doesn’t
have anything to do with Christian being naked.”
Sputtering on his water Chad motioned for Danneel to smack him on the back.
“I would never build a shrine to Jensen.” Christian growled and shook his head.
“How could you even suggest it? Jensen has always harbored a love for me but I
will never return it.”
“You fucking wish,” Jensen muttered, ducking and laughing when Christian
chucked a piece of bread at him. “Let’s not go into the shrine thing.”
“No, no, I think Jared should know just how addictive you can be.” Danneel
finished rubbing Chad’s back and grinned, looking over at Jared. “There was
this boy, Mitch. He was way into Jensen, but not like, you know, that other guy
we’re not talking about. He was totally obsessed with Jensen, kept trying to
take pictures of him, managed to get some hair, I think he even stole Jensen’s
shirt at the big Crystal party.”
“God, remember when he took his straw?” Christian laughed, shaking his head.
“Fucking creepy.”
Jensen groaned and rubbed along his forehead. He looked over at Jared and
shrugged. “It was a couple of years ago; I never led the guy on or anything,
just kind of happened.”
“Jenny occasionally has the habit of attracting the oddest people.” Christian
smiled over at Jared and shook his head. “You’re gonna have to claim your boy
on the dance floor.”
“Yeah, apparently I will.” Jared tried hard not to be jealous of someone who
wasn’t even in Jensen’s life anymore but he was pretty new at all of this
relationship stuff.
Chad huffed. “God, Jensen. What you got some kind of crazy pheromones that
ruins men for anyone else or something?”
“No, I just know how to suck a dick, really, really well,” Jensen said before
he could remember that Chad was new to his friendship thing and didn’t quite
get the context of that joke. Both Danneel and Christian were smothering laughs
and Jensen dropped his fork. “You know, I should have just spent this birthday
drunk and in bed, it would have been a lot less embarrassing.”
“You do,” Jared said sweetly. “Suck a dick really, really well.” Even though he
could feel the pain of embarrassment creeping up his cheeks it was well worth
it for the way Chad looked like he was choking on air.
“Dude. Just. No. No. Don’t ever say things like that.” Chad shook his head.
“Oh baby, you’re gonna have to get used to it.” Danneel squeezed Chad’s thigh.
“Everyone in this room has sucked a dick but you, it’s bound to happen.”
“Also, Dani is a bit of a fag hag at times, just saying.” Jensen shrugged and
leaned over, kissing the corner of Jared’s mouth. “And thank you for the
compliment.”
"Well, no one's gonna Yoda my ass into going over to the gay side so you can
all keep your dick sucking to yourselves. Jesus, Jared the things I put up with
for you." Chad rolled his shoulders but there was a grin tugging at his lips.
Jared tucked into the food on his plate and couldn't get rid of the smile on
his lips. It really wasn't all that bad.
-=-=-=-
Sliding the last of the dishes into the washer, Jensen sighed, full and
content. He was happy in a way he hadn’t been in a long time. He hadn’t had
such a good birthday in... longer than he could remember. And judging from the
way Jared was humming as he put the last of the food in the fridge, the boy
felt pretty close to it. He smiled and turned the machine on then turned to
Jared, leaning against the counter.
“Did you have a good evening?” He asked softly spreading his arms to invite
Jared close to him.
“I had a great evening. It was like a real birthday party, don’t you think?”
Jared stepped into Jensen’s arms and draped his arms over his boyfriend’s
shoulders. He was still tasting the cake icing on his lips and quite enjoying
it. In fact, he’d been in and out of the container for more twice already.
“I’ve had a lot of sugar,” he said quietly.
“Oh great, does that mean you’re gonna be hyper?” Jensen laughed softly and
slipped his hands up under Jared’s shirt. “A little bird told me you don’t turn
eighteen until July, is that true?” Jensen leaned forward and gently kissed
along Jared’s neck, pressing him back up against the counter.
“Yeah, why?” Jared stretched his arm along the counter and spread his legs
apart, leaning back. “You’re not still worried ‘bout that are y- ooh - that
spot.” His knees felt a little weak and shaky for a few moments.
Laughing softly, Jensen stepped back and pulled Jared’s shirt off before
slipping the man up on the counter. He pressed in close and aimed for the same
spot, sucking along Jared’s neck with small moans. “Just want to give you a
good birthday.” Jensen finally murmured and ran his hands along Jared’s sides.
“And god, I can’t even tell you how much I’ve missed you. It’s been a long
week, why do Chad’s parents insist you do homework during the week?”
Jared's eyes closed, his lungs pulling in air faster and faster as he curled
his hand into Jensen's shirt. Wriggling slightly he wrapped his legs around
Jensen and hooked them at the ankles, holding him there. "Feels like my
birthday already," he mumbled. “And homework is gonna get me into that ... into
- God talk or kiss. Can’t do both.”
“Sure you can.” Jensen laughed softly along Jared’s collarbone, his fingers
moving over Jared’s smooth skin. He couldn’t really get enough of touching him.
And over the last few weeks as they tried to establish something, Jensen found
himself almost intoxicated by Jared. The way he needed Jared, wanted him to be
around always, longed for him, and that wasn’t as scary as it once had been.
“I have to tell you something.” Jensen pulled back, detaching himself
completely and meeting Jared’s gaze. “I... okay. Just give me a minute. But I
have to say it.”
Blinking a few times Jared dropped his hands to his thighs and tilted his head
slowly. “You gotta be over there?” Worry gnawed rather suddenly at Jared and he
scratched at the back of his neck.
“You’re rather distracting.” Jensen pointed out with a small smile, considering
Jared for a moment before taking his hand, tugging him off the counter. His
chest was feeling all tight once more, nerves sparking along his skin, and
though it was probably ridiculous, Jensen thought his palms might be sweating.
“Come on.” He led Jared to the ladder and pointed. “Get on up.”
Walking backwards toward the ladder Jared shoved his hands in his pockets.
“You’re not going to tell me that you were a criminal or something are you? A
woman? You weren’t a woman. Right?” Bumping into the ladder Jared turned and
climbed up a few rungs before looking back down.
“Oh you discovered my big dark secret. I was once an alluring damsel named
Jennifer that danced with the Pussycat Dolls in Vegas.” Jensen muttered dryly,
peering up at Jared until he kept moving. He smacked Jared’s ass to get him
moving, laughing as they climbed up to the top. “Take off your pants and sit on
the bed.” Jensen stopped halfway through pulling off his shirt when Jared
simply eyed him. “It’s my birthday, humor me.”
“Okay. You wanna tell me something that you can only tell me while my pants are
off?” Jared’s fingers were already shoving his sweats down over his hips and he
tossed them at the chair then put his hands on his hips and peered at Jensen
through the wisps of hair that had fallen in his eyes.
“While you’re on the bed too, Mister.” Jensen grinned over at him and threw his
shirt to the side, kicking out of his pants a minute later. To his frustration
- though not surprise - Jared was still standing there and Jensen hooked an arm
around his middle, dragging him back to the bed. “Stop looking like I’m about
to tell you I throw puppies off cliffs. It’s a good thing okay?”
Frowning slightly Jared flopped down onto the bed and spread out star-fish like
making sure he was good and comfortable and had most of the pillows gathered
under his head. “Okay. Ready. Lemme have it.”
“Okay.” Jensen nodded and slowly wet his lips, looking down at Jared and
shifting back. “You have to sit up.” He tugged Jared up and straightened his
hair out, fidgeting for several long minutes. “Okay.” He inhaled deeply,
looking to the side and laughing. “God, this is pathetic. I should be able to
say this without making you look terrified beforehand. I’m sorry; it’s not even
going to matter by the time I actually get around to saying it.”
Wetting his lips once more, Jensen leaned forward and gently kissed Jared,
lingering for a long moment. “I love you,” he whispered into the kiss, hand
sliding over Jared’s chest.
Jared's lashes fluttered closed and he didn't move back from the kiss. "Say it
again," he whispered.
“Took me forever to say it the first time.” Jensen laughed softly and closed
his eyes, pressing in a little closer. “I love you,” he whispered and slanted
his lips over Jared’s, gently crawling forward until he was laying Jared down
across the bed. He loved how his bed was big enough that even Jared’s rapidly
increasing height wasn’t enough to out stretch it. A giddy laugh fell from
Jensen’s lips and he pulled back until Jared opened his eyes. “I love you.
Seriously, so, so much. I don’t... I’m not even sure how it happened. But I
do.”
It was surprising how much those words meant. Jared could feel them everywhere
and he shivered slightly and he laughed to cover up the swell of emotion.
Sliding his hands up over Jensen's cheeks Jared held him there. "I love you a
lot - you do know that right?"
“Yeah. I know that.” Jensen smiled softly and pushed down to capture Jared’s
lips in another kiss. He was pretty sure there were a thousand issues he still
had to work on but being able to say that and really feel it, felt like a whole
new world had been opened to Jensen. Pulling back a little, he smiled softly.
“You know my paintings are going to be ridiculously more sappy right?”
“I could do naughty things every now and again, keep things spicy.” Jared
reached his hand down and grabbed Jensen's ass hard, pushing his foot down into
the mattress so he could press his knee against Jensen's crotch.
“I think we’ll keep the spicy here between you and me.” Jensen laughed and
moaned all at once, rocking against Jared’s body. “You gonna move in the day
after you graduate? Or do you have to wait until you turn eighteen?”
"Right after I throw my cap up in the air, you can give me a ride back here. I
want - I want you for my graduation present." Jared ran his hands up Jensen's
back and curled them under his arms so he could roll him; shoving and twisting
a little he managed to wrestle Jensen onto his back. "So you know how you said
I could have anything I wanted." Jared pressed small kisses to Jensen’s cheeks,
then his nose and forehead.
“Mmhmm. I was wondering when that would come back to haunt me.” Jensen grinned
and turned, capturing Jared’s lips in a small, lingering kiss. “Gonna rock my
socks with your request?”
“I want to. Well, I saw this ... movie.” Jared rolled his lips together and
felt his heart flutter slightly with excitement. “It’s nothing crazy. I just -
it was hot and you said that if I had things that I wanted to try. I mean. It’s
not that big a deal really-”
“Jared,” Jensen laughed and laid his finger over Jared’s lips. “You’re not
gonna freak me out by your request. I promise. Just tell me what you want to do
and I’m sure I will want it just as much.”
Jared bit down hard on his bottom lip for a few moments. "I want to do it- you
sit, I wanna ride you." Now that he'd finally gotten the words out it didn't
seem all that crazy. Nevertheless, Jared could feel his cheeks flaming again.
"There are other things to, you know, later. I've been thinking a lot."
Wetting his lips, Jensen slowly nodded and let his hands flutter down Jared’s
body. “I’m sure you have. And I can’t wait to hear and experience them all. As
of right now, I think you sitting in my lap and riding me sounds like a
fantastic idea.” He pressed his lips against Jared’s once more, tongue seeking
entrance immediately and loving the way Jared moaned against him. “Tomorrow? I
wanna paint you. Literally.” Jensen murmured and rocked his hips up against
Jared’s.
Pressing his hands down on the mattress just above Jensen's shoulder's Jared
held himself up just off his lover's body. "Paint? Sounds kinda sexy." Rolling
his body down slightly, he sucked on the soft skin just under Jensen's jaw. The
blood he pulled up warmed his tongue and Jared hummed softly.
“Yeah, it’s gonna be. I’ll paint every inch of you, and then myself, and we’ll
make a painting together on the floor. Got a big - oh Jesus, right there.”
Jensen groaned and let his head tilt further back. “S’gonna be good.”
Laughing softly Jared flicked his tongue over Jensen's Adam's apple and lowered
his body slowly until he was straddling his lover's hips. Rocking his hips
forward and back Jared ground his hard-on against Jensen's and moaned. Arching
his back he pushed up to the full stretch of his arms and licked his lips.
Sweat was beading on his forehead already; the heat of want was burning him up
from the inside out. "I want you."
“Then what are you waiting for?” Jensen murmured and slid his hands along
Jared’s body. “My birthday, I’ll just lay here and let you take what you want.”
He grinned up at Jared and rocked his hips forward, as eager as ever to be
buried in the man.
Growling softly Jared bit down hard on Jensen's shoulder then rolled off to the
side and shed his boxers quickly. He made slower work of removing Jensen's
briefs. Jared had a thing for watching Jensen's cock appear slowly, then
kissing his way down Jensen's thighs, his knees, and the smooth skin on the top
of his feet. By the time he was crawling back up his lover's body he could see
a slight tremble in Jensen's hands.
“How did you get to be such a good tease?” Jensen murmured, gently sliding his
fingers down Jared’s cheek. “You magically learned all my old tricks. I’m
impressed.” He arched up and dragged his teeth along his bottom lip.
"Just wanna know all of you." Jared dragged his tongue up the length of
Jensen's cock then stared up at him for a few moments. "You're gorgeous. I love
when you bite your lip like that and when your cheeks are all flushed.
Gorgeous," he said again. Jensen's hips rolled up under him and Jared slid
further up his lover's body to catch his lips in a rough kiss.
“It’s a glow. Maybe I’m pregnant.” Jensen snorted into the kiss and slid his
hands down, hooking them under Jared’s thighs and forcing the man to straddle
him - though really, he went willingly. It was the best thing Jensen had ever
felt, since the last thing Jared, had done to him, and he relished the way his
heart was thundering so intensely in his chest. “Tell me you love me,” he
murmured into the kiss, letting his cock glide with purpose along Jared’s ass.
"Mmhhm." Jared pressed up against Jensen's chest harder, tongue flicking across
Jensen's lips. "I love you." Shivering slightly he laughed quietly and it ended
in a soft moan.
Jensen still wasn’t used to the way his heart fluttered at the words and his
entire body melted under Jared’s touch. Maybe it was learning to accept it,
after a life time of being denied it, but he was finally at least starting to
believe he’d get there. And maybe he was looking forward to spending a lifetime
with Jared, or at least, as long as he could. “I love you too,” he murmured and
captured Jared’s lips in another lingering kiss, swallowing down the boy’s
happy, giddy laughter. Yeah, he was pretty sure they could make this work.
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