Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1177736.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Levi/Eren_Yeager
  Character:
      Eren_Yeager, Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin)
  Additional Tags:
      Zombie_AU, Established_Relationship, ereri, riren_-_Freeform, Zombie
      Apocalypse
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-02-10 Words: 6758
****** Show Me You Need Me ******
by erentitanjaeger
Summary
     Call it what you will. An infection. A sickness. The rapture. The
     apocalypse. The end of mankind. The end of humanity. It’s all the
     same in the end. I’m a simple man, so I prefer to use a simple term;
     zombies. There really is only one word for beings that die, only to
     rise once again. Beings that can only be stopped and sated with
     fresh, human flesh or a bullet through the brain; whichever you
     manage to give them first. Their humanity stripped away, a man
     eating, simple minded corpse left in its wake.
Notes
     Zombie fic cause why not. This was supposed to go for several
     chapters but i literally couldn't be bothered so here is the only
     thing i managed to write. though i sort o flike it as a one shot
In this world, there is the strong and there is the weak.  There are those
below us and those above us.  As much as we want to say that we are happy where
we are, as much as we want to say we will strive to be a better person, and
help those who can’t help themselves, it is in our nature, in human nature, to
fight our way further up.  Whether it be in a position of royalty, where we’ll
murder our own blood in order to achieve power over an entire nation, or a
position within a company, where we’ll betray friends and comrades alike in
order to take what we believe is ours, power has always been something human
kind has strived for.
So, what sick bastard, what incomprehensibly unrighteous deity, looked down
upon mankind and decided we were scum?  Which god, of any religion, decided to
take matters into his or her own hands, and wiped what mankind had taken
millions of years to build, all so we could start again?  Maybe it’s only
science, another mark on the evolution timeline.  But if it is, when was it
decided that we were to evolve into these beings, going after and destroying
our own kind, wreaking havoc upon the earth and ripping away whatever chance
the earth still had to be beautiful?
Call it what you will.  An infection.  A sickness.  The rapture.  The
apocalypse.  The end of mankind.  The end of humanity.  It’s all the same in
the end.  I’m a simple man, so I prefer to use a simple term; zombies.  There
really is only one word for beings that die, only to rise once again.  Beings
that can only be stopped and sated with fresh, human flesh or a bullet through
the brain; whichever you manage to give them first.  Their humanity stripped
away, a man eating, simple minded corpse left in its wake. 
So take into consideration the death of endless human beings, along with their
insatiable hunger after they rise, plus the collapse of countless cities and
crumble of endless societies, and add on whatever cruel jokes mother nature
still deems funny.  The swarm, the illness, the zombies, they came at the worst
possible time.  It was already growing cold in my city, colder than it normally
is, and the usual rainy days were giving way to darker clouds that sent down
frozen crystals of ice. 
We had been graced with the first snowfall once the first signs of those things
started to become clear.  If somebody knows where it started, if somebody knows
how it happened, why it spread, why something with only one thing in mind, no
love, no life, no kind of values, seems to be virtually unstoppable, please,
let me know.  Because I sure as hell don’t have any answers.
The clouds were gathering above me, the white sky disappearing in its midst,
the tell-tale sign of another freezing night.  I adjusted the bolt-action rifle
hanging over one shoulder, the measly amount of game I had managed to shoot
shifting with my movements on my other, the heavy thud and thick weight of the
rabbits bumping my shoulder blade.  I wasn’t sure whether it was my hunger and
lack of nutrition that made them seem so much heavier than usual, or maybe it
was because they were larger than the other rabbits I had managed to catch
before.  Knowing my luck, it was sure to be the former.
Something moved in the distance; a small, white thing hopping along, only
visible against the darkness of the trees.  I looked over to it, watched it
twitch its nose and adjust its ears, listening for the threat that had taken
its brothers away.  As I slowly moved, looking down the barrel of the rifle,
using the sight to aim at the little thing’s heart, I wondered if I was doing
it a favour, putting it out of its misery so it wouldn’t have to survive the
winter alone, or if I was only causing more grief for the rest of the family I
didn’t know it had.
Either way; it was food for me.
Bang!
The shot echoed across the field, throughout the trees that surrounded it, the
sky filling with the sound of the gunshot.  I thought I even saw the clouds
quiver at the sound.  The rabbit had dropped instantly; no further movement, no
further protest.  I sighed, lowering the rifle, and waited.  I had hoped the
open field, though harder to see game against, would make it easier to see
anything unwanted coming towards me, emerging from its hiding place amongst the
trees.
True, the winter meant the undead and infected alike moved slower, more
cautiously, saving energy as both of our food sources dwindled, but they were
still a threat, and could just as easily take my freshly caught game as they
might take me.  Though if that were the case, it meant I would have time to
escape before it sensed me, but it also meant I might have less food for the
week.
That gunshot meant another bullet wasted, another resource that continued to
shrink in the steadily worsening season.  I wasn’t happy about using it,
especially on something so small.  But it was too dangerous to go further into
the collection of trees, too dangerous to venture onto land I knew nothing
about.  Deer wouldn’t dare come out into the open; they had the luxury of swift
feet and heightened senses that kept them safe amongst the foliage of trees.
I decided that the rabbit was fair game, that nothing would emerge from the
trees any time soon.  I hitched the rifle over my shoulder again and started
across the snow drenched field towards where I had shot the mammal down.  My
breath came out white in front of me, my nose starting to burn against the
howling wind, the fake fur lining the edge of my hood brushing my face and
tickling my cheek. 
The snow was died bright red upon approaching my kill, its body mangled, a
giant hole blasted through its centre.  I yanked it off the ground by its foot,
shaking off the blood and holding it out in front of me as I made my way back
towards the large, black building situated on the horizon.  I made sure to
check over my shoulder regularly, the snarls of the undead or even their
usually uncoordinated footsteps would never be heard over the howling wind
forcing its way through the fabric of my hood and into my ear.
I could see smoke rising from the hayloft of the barn, promising me warmth and
a small amount of comfort as I drew closer and closer to its interior.  The
rotting building had stood as a beacon of hope when I had first seen it, and
has stood as such throughout my stay.  The actual farmhouse, of which it would
have been of service too if this world hadn’t gone to shit, I had found under a
pile of blackened snow, its charred remains telling me the story nobody was
left to speak.  I didn’t think much of the family that might have been inside
as its walls fell to its fiery hell, didn’t want to think of the lives that
were lost and the sacrifice that was made.
The barn door creaked horribly as I entered its safety, slamming it shut behind
me and looping the chain through the wrought iron handles, tugging them tight. 
As I had no lock, the chains were there more as an alarm more than protection. 
But it would do its job to slow them down if they ever managed to track me
down.  Tthough in the growing snow and the ever ongoing storms, I don’t see how
they ever could.
“You’re back.”
The voice was soft, sharp, definitive.  I threw back my hood, gazing at the
green eyes and young face of my counterpart, noticing his troubled features as
he huddled close to the fire we had made. 
That’s right; I’m not alone. 
“No shit.”  It was all I could say as I dumped the rifle and mangled bodies of
our dinner by the door, dusting off whatever snow had managed to make its way
onto my coat.
That’s right; I’m not happy about it.
“Did you get anything?” Eren’s voice was guarded, I could tell.  Of course I
could tell.  I know everything about him. 
I know his birthday.  I know how long he likes to keep his hair.  I know how he
likes his cereal.  I know what movies he likes.  I know all his guilty
pleasures.  I know what video games he’s completed one hundred percent and
which ones he says he has but he actually hasn’t.  I know he only eats fruit
during the summer because he loves watermelon and peaches.  I know he’s
secretly afraid of popcorn because he got a kernel stuck in the back of his
throat when he was younger. 
I also know what parts of his body he likes me to touch first.  I know what
kinds of things he likes me to whisper in his ear when things are hot and heavy
between us.  I know what positions he likes and what positions he loves.  I
know exactly what his moans sound like.  I know he loves when I growl his
name.  I know he loves me.
So I sure as hell knew when he was scared of me; or rather, I knew when he was
scared of how I had been acting towards him.
“Does it look like I got anything?” I was in a shitty mood.  I was cold and the
fire was taken.  Three rabbits were barely enough to keep us alive for another
day or two before I’d have to go out hunting again.  My fingers were freezing
as I had no gloves.  My eyes and cheeks stung from the wind.  My nose was
running and I had to keep snorting to keep it from dripping.  Disgusting.
“Yeah, it does,” was all he said.
I could feel him looking at me, his gaze expectant and his entire being
yearning.  I didn’t turn toward him, preferring to stand near the door, near
the rifle I had managed to scavenge from an abandoned car on the highway.  I
heard him shift away from the fire, making room for me, in case I wished to dry
my nose and thaw my eye lashes. 
I only scoffed, making a sharp noise with my tongue, before walking right past
him and the comforting place he had made for me, grabbing the two rungs of the
ladder and hauling myself up to the hayloft.
“You just went hunting.  I can take watch!” Eren called to me, his voice almost
stern as I he said it.
“Shut up and go back to sleep,” I growled at him, huddling by the window,
blowing warm air on to my hands, trying to get some feeling back into them.  I
could hear the fire crackle and whip on the ground below me, could practically
feel its heat wafting up to beckon me back down the ladder.  But I didn’t
budge, stayed where I was, watching the horizon and the bleak whiteness in
front of me for any signs of the undead.
The sky continued to darken, the signs of the oncoming snow storm becoming
apparent.  The chill in the wind had shifted, the world had gone quiet, even as
desolate as it was.  I couldn’t hear anything beyond the growing ferocity of
the wind and the flickering crackle of the fire.  I had a moment to hope that
the wind wouldn’t leak through the cracks in the barn’s wood, wouldn’t rain
hell down upon our only source of warmth. 
Sleeping would be virtually impossible tonight.  Snow storms always seemed bad
enough when you were in the safety and comfort of four solid walls, a couch
under your body and a blanket wrapped around your shoulders.  When those walls
were replaced with rotting planks of wood that didn’t even make a suitable
barrier against any force of nature, when the couch was replaced with hay and
dirt and the blanket was replaced with a thin coat that was too small on you
anyway, you learnt just how severe those storms grew to be.
I still counted my luck.  We had enough firewood to keep the fire constantly
going, a roof to keep the worse of the snow off our backs and a decent weapon. 
Though the pile of ammo we had managed to retrieve had been small enough to
begin with, and the many uses we had put it through didn’t help matters at
all.  We were down to a few clips, enough for another hunting round and defence
if need be.  After that, I had no idea how we were going to get food or keep
our asses from being eaten while we screamed in agony.
There was a groan from the wooden platform I was sitting on.  I turned,
watching as Eren clambered up to join me.  I glared as he crawled closer.
“What are you doing up here?” I snapped.  “Your job is to keep the fire going! 
Heaven help us if it blows out or dies because you didn’t put enough firewood
on it!”
Eren’s face wasn’t hurt, just stiff and annoyed as he continued to come closer
to me, crawling through the hay so he was sitting across from me, looking out
the window as I had been before.  Now that he was here, I couldn’t look at
anything but the snowflakes now caught in his eyelashes.
“I just put a fresh load of wood on.  It’ll be fine for a while,” he explained,
justifying how he could have left his post.  I glared at him again; the look
wasn’t lost on him.  He stared at me, hard, not giving into the glowering anger
even I could feel radiating from my irises.
“It had better still be flickering away when I go back down there,” I muttered,
trying to turn away from his disappointed expression, and failing miserably, my
eyes now fused to his saddened and ever expressive eyes.
“If you ever go back down there.”
His green pools were livid with frustration and annoyance, his lips set into a
line and his cheeks reddening, the blood trying to keep his face warm from the
wind that continued to blow against us.
“Fuck off.”
It surprised me when he didn’t.  He remained where he was, his bangs whipping
against his jaw, having grown too long in the past few weeks.  I needed to get
a pair of scissors and trim them, so they were sitting back above his eyes,
curling away from the centre of his forehead, so his eyes were visible no
matter how strongly the wind blew.  But haircuts were low on my list of
priorities.
“Why don’t you just tell me?”
I let out a snort.  I hated it when he was vague.  He could be talking about
any number of things.  Why didn’t I just tell him why I refused to let him take
watch?  Why didn’t I just tell him why we wouldn’t be having breakfast
tomorrow?  Why didn’t I just tell him how to point the gun?  Or how to skin a
rabbit?  Or why we were stuck together in this fucking barn anyway?
“Tell you what?”
“You know what.”
“Cut the crap!”
“Just tell me you don’t want me here!”
I tried to turn away from him again, but my eyes were constantly drawn to his
features.  Usually so carefree, Eren had grown hard and defensive over the past
weeks, jumping at even the tiniest of sounds, scowling at even the most
simplest of views, on edge all the time, convinced the world had turned against
him.  In a way, I guess it had.
“You’re so arrogant.  Why would you possibly think that?” I crossed my arms, my
back straight, my expression stern and my eyes hard.
“You don’t look at me the same anymore.  You barely speak to me.  You push me
away even when I’m standing across the room.  You don’t let me touch anything
you’ve touched.  You give me the bigger helpings at meals because you feel
guilty you’re treating me this way-“
“I give you the bigger helpings because, technically, you’re still growing and
need more sustenance than me!”
“You haven’t once kissed me in the entire time we’ve been on the run from those
things!”
I bristled at the mention of ‘kisses’. 
“Terribly sorry if sexual stimulation isn’t high on my list of things to get
done during the day.  You know?  Above getting food and keeping us safe.”
The look he gave me told me he wanted to do nothing more than throw me off the
hayloft.  I did him the favour of relieving him of my presence, standing up and
lowing myself down the ladder again.  Eren called to me, angrily tossing hay at
my.  I called him immature before I loosened the chains wrapped around the
handles and ducked out the door, throwing my hood up over my head and trudging
back towards my usual position under the tall willow tree that stood apart from
the barn.
I leant against the trunk, breathing in the crisp winter air, looking up at the
sky and wondering when the storm would end.  If it was like last time, I’d be
stuck in there for three days before it slowed down enough for me to escape
from the wooden fortress and find something suitably edible.  I calculated that
one rabbit a day would be barely enough, considering I wouldn’t need to move or
run at the very least.  Water wasn’t a problem.  Gather some snow, boil it over
the fire and drink as much as you could take.
Water helped keep hunger at bay for longer as well.
Just like that, the first of the storm started to fall.  Little white spots,
almost as large as my thumbnail, started to litter the constantly blowing
wind.  I watched them gather and dance in the air, watched them fall to the
ground, starting to make the already deep snow even more of a pain to walk
through.  I watched it land on the barn roof, watched it gather along the
gutters and the dints in the wood.
I breathed heavily, my breath coming out in a thick cloud.  I closed my eyes,
wanting a few more moments of peace before finding reprieve from the growing. 
I was surprised, when I closed my eyes, images of fires and wooden walls
enclosed my memories.  Not the open fire we had going now, or the wooden walls
of that horrible barn, no.  A fire locked in thick, brick walls of a fire
place, wooden walls that were intentionally built to keep the cold out and the
warmth in.  It was a log cabin, up in the mountains, situated just a short hike
from the ski lodge.
I opened my eyes, gritted my teeth, forcing the memories to fall away. 
I shut my eyes again, and the memories of the log cabin returned, now
accompanied by the memory of warm, thick blankets and tanned skin wrapped up in
the bundles.  I now also saw green eyes and mussed, brown hair, pink cheeks and
naked, slender legs.  My teeth started to ache with how tightly I was pressing
them together, but as the memories became more vivid, became clearer, louder,
more comforting, I let them take me, willing them to come even stronger now.
Eren was naked.  He was on top of me.  He was kissing my neck, suggesting we go
skiing again before they closed down the lifts for the day.  I remember that I
could only hum in agreement, barely even taking in what he was saying, too busy
revelling in the feeling of his moist lips and warm chest on mine.  Then he was
smiling at me, telling me to pay attention.  I smiled, but I was still lost in
his warmth, not very interested in leaving it, even if it was for another
chance to beat him in a race down the mountainside.
I wanted those days back.  I wanted those simpler days back when my only worry
was how many times I was going to get laid that week, or if Eren would be too
busy with school to come over and play.  I wanted my only worries to be if Eren
was doing all his homework and honestly trying for his exams, rather than all
my worries focused on how he was even going to survive with the small amount of
food I had managed to gain.
Crunch.  Crunch.  Snort.  Hiss.
My eyelids flew open, turning towards the frozen carcass ambling its way
towards me, its rotting finger barely brushing my nose as I launched myself
away from it.
“Fuck,” I hissed, watching it fight against the growing wind, eager to eat the
only source of food it had seen in who knows how long. 
How had it gotten so close?  How had I not realised it was there?  Where had it
come from?  The things hair was mattered and gross, its dress barely holding
its skin together as it continued to fight its way over to me.  It wasn’t fast
enough to pose a threat, but it was close enough to make me want to hurl; the
putrid scent of dying flesh being blown into my face, filling my nostrils. 
I covered my mouth and nose, grabbing a fallen branch from beside me and didn’t
hesitate to ram it’s tip through the undead’s forehead, black, thick blood
oozing from the rupture in its weakened skull, its movements slowing,
stiffening, and going still.  I dropped both the branch and the now detached
head, the body having dropped earlier, onto the snow, leaving it up to the
blizzard to bury its body for me.
I didn’t wait any longer, turning and throwing myself against the wind, already
the fears and images of a bloodied and torn body, mangled next to the fire,
causing the bile in my stomach to rise in my throat.  I pushed back the
feeling, needing my anger and courage to overpower my fear and worry.
The barn door was as I had left it, partly open, the chains still posing a
problem for anything too dumb enough not to bend down to go under them.  I
entered, immediately calling Eren’s name, my echoing voice doing nothing to
quench my growing unease.  There was no answer.  I ventured deeper into the
building, looking for any signs of a struggle, any signs of a fight that might
tell me what I desperately needed to know.
Everything was how I had left it, from the extra hay that Eren had meant for me
to my rifle leaning against the door as if nothing was afoot.  Panic over took
me.  My head spun with theories and ideas, worries and concerns.  There was a
gust of wind and the room was plunged into darkness, the fire having relented
to the forces of nature now coating the barn. 
“Eren!” I screamed, my voice hoarse and my throat thick. 
He couldn’t have died.  They couldn’t have taken him!  He’s too stubborn for
that.  He has a hard enough time losing against me when we verse each other in
a game of Halo; there’s no way he would lose to those grimy bastards who don’t
even have a soul left! 
“Eren!  If you’re here, you better fucking answer me!”
The room was silent.  The wind howling outside and the snow falling heavily
onto the wooden fortress.  The snow was coming in full force from the hay
loft’s window, dusting the ground where I stood.  I felt like throwing up.  I
felt like breaking.  I felt like giving up and letting the next threat that
comes take me as it wished.
But I couldn’t.  If there was a chance in hell Eren was alive, I was going to
take it and not let go until I knew for sure.  I went into action, grabbing the
rifle, slinging it over my shoulder and heading out the door.  The wind was so
strong it almost knocked me off my feet, causing me to stumble against the wall
of the barn.  I righted myself quickly, taking in my surroundings, trying to
decipher which way Eren would’ve gone if he had needed to run, needed to
escape.
There weren’t any signs.  Any footsteps that may have been made had been
covered by the heavily falling snow.  Any trails that could’ve been were washed
away by the wind and its howling sounds.  I screamed his name again, though my
voice wouldn’t travel far in this weather.  I chose a spot amongst the trees at
random and started walking. 
The wind bit at my back and slammed at my arms, making my trail haphazard  and
causing me to cover my mouth, the movements and the worry and the fear that
continued to grow inside me making me want to hurl even more.  I spat at the
ground, shaking off the feeling and walking on, fighting against all the odds
that were against me, refusing to believe Eren was gone, but also refusing to
believe that he was alive.
“Eren!” My voice didn’t carry much further as I reached the trees.  My hackles
rose, the feeling of impending danger overtaking all my senses.  I could
already feel it clouding my judgement, could already feel it constricting my
thoughts, my throat, my entire way of thinking.  The snow fell down harder, the
canopy of trees doing nothing to hold it off as I made my way further into the
woods that surrounded the farm.
I couldn’t see any sort of life, nor any sort of un-life either.  I was
thankful for that.  Thankful that there was a chance I might find him before
they did.  Though as I went further and further into the cluster of trees, the
hope that had built died pretty quickly, the storm making my thin coat seem
even thinner, my runny nose even runnier.  I screamed Eren’s name over and over
again, no reply being my constant reminder that I was getting nowhere closer to
locating my idiot.
“Where the fuck did you go?” I muttered to myself, pulling up my shirt collar,
trying to keep out the blistering cold.
Snap.
I dove behind a tree faster than a mouse darts into its hole, taking refuge
behind the trunk and readying my rifle, checking it was loaded, turning my head
on an angle so I would be able to see around the tree without the approaching
danger seeing me.  There was another snap of a twig, the crunch of snow, the
rustle of clothes.  I couldn’t see the source, could only hear the sound as it
came closer and closer to where I was hiding.
I took a deep breath, the wind drying my throat, giving me the need to cough. 
I clutched my heart, trying my best to keep it in, danger throbbing in my veins
as the sound escaped me.  My mouth heaved around the block in my throat, the
sound coming out loud and unsettling.  I coughed hard and forceful, forcing it
out.  I wouldn’t be able to keep hidden any longer.  The sound would’ve drawn
it like a bee to its honey.  I readied my rifle and leapt out from behind the
tree, looking down the barrel into stunned green eyes and frozen, brunette
bangs.
“What the fuck are you going!?” Came Eren’s angry cry, catching the tip of the
barrel and forcing me to point it anywhere other than his forehead.
I gazed at his face, at his angry features and his tussled hair, at his hunched
shoulders and his drenched sneakers.  His toes must be freezing, his cheeks
must burn; his apparent rage at me didn’t go unnoticed either.
“If you want to get rid of me, Levi, this is a hell of a way to do it!” He
cussed, flinging the rest of the rifle away from him, causing me to stumble
back slightly as I continued to gape mindlessly. 
Eren was alive.  Eren was alright.  He was angry.  He was pissed.  He was
cold.  But he was breathing.  They hadn’t caught him.  They hadn’t torn the
flesh from his bones.  They hadn’t bitten through his skin, infecting his
blood.  They hadn’t laid a rotten hand on him.  They hadn’t touched him.  Eren
was alive.
“You…” I gasped, trying to get my mind around who was in front of me.  I
clutched at my rifle, at the tree trunk still behind me, anything solid that
would keep me standing.  I tried to gasp out his name, tried to think of
something smart, witty, or even remotely mature to say.  But all that came out
were two angry words.  “You fucker!”
“Who?  Me?”  Like it could be anybody else.
“Yes, you!” My panic was now transforming into a blind, white, hot rage that I
couldn’t control.  I knew I was about to say things I shouldn’t, that this
would only end badly for the both of us.  But I didn’t care.  I had had
enough. 
For almost six weeks I had been at constant war with myself.  I had fought
desire and weakness, hunger and fatigue, all to keep this stupid boy alive.  I
had fought against the ever growing fear that the breath I saw come from his
lips would be his last.  I had fought against my own anxiety and discomfort of
being put in such a high place of responsibility. 
I had fought against holding him, kissing him, loving him like I used to.  I
had fought against feelings that had been too strong to begin with.  I had
fought against my need to be with this man in front of me, all because of what
might happen if I held onto him too tightly.  I had fought against my very
reason for everything, all so I could continue to keep the reason itself
alive.  I hadn’t given up.  I had never backed down, and now I was goddamn
tired.
“I told you to watch the fucking fire!  I told you to stay inside!  I turn
around for a second and you disappear right from under me! You-
“You were gone for a whole twenty minutes!  I was the one who left to take a
piss and come back to-“
“Shut up!  I’m not done yet!”
The billowing winds and heavily falling snow around us did nothing to dispel
our rage toward one another, nor did it the need and instinct we had to always
be the one speaking. 
“You don’t leave without telling me, Eren!  I thought that would be common
sense!  Oh, I forgot.  You have no common sense!” Here it came.  The tidal wave
of melted snow that had been sitting at the pit of my belly for so long, the
pure agony I had felt and every desire to scream I had had in six weeks, all
crashing out of me in one, smooth disaster.  “You have no idea what it’s been
like!  To wake up to your face every day and think ‘I’m so goddamn lucky’ right
next to the thought of ‘he’s going to die’!  Because that’s what’s going to
happen!  It’ll be you!  Or it’ll be me!  One of us or both of us!  Someone is
going to die and what will the other do when that happens!  I’ll be the one
fighting for my life!  I’ll be the one constantly struggling to take a single
breath!  And for what?!  What’s the fucking point if you walk out without
telling me then end up with your neck bitten through because I didn’t know
where you were!?”
“I don’t know what it’s been like!?  Are you fucking kidding me!?”  I had
expected silence.  I had expected calm.  I had expected the snow to simply stop
falling.  But if Eren had no common sense, than I had less than that; the
weather won’t stop simply because my own storm was finally dying.  I had had no
idea that Eren might have been encased within a storm of his own.  “Do you have
any idea how fucking painful it is for all this shit to happen, for me to turn
to the only person left from my world and realise he never loved me!?  Do you
have any idea how completely unfair it is for you to reveal that fact when the
world is going to shit and I have literally no one else to turn to!?  You are
so fucked up if you think you’re the only one suffering from all this!”
Just like that, everything seemed to stop.  All I could see was Eren’s green
eyes in the haze of grey around me.  All I could feel was his warmth, not a
single metre away from me.  All I could sense was his abating desperation as he
finally released what he had been holding all these weeks, and how much better
it felt to have let all these thoughts fly free.
Thoughts, feelings, assumptions; they are all like butterflies trapped in a
cage.  You watch it flutter desperately to escape, wanting to be free.  You
want to say something, want to say what’s on your mind, but if you let the
butterfly fly free, what will be left?  An empty cage and nothing to show for
it.  So you let the butterfly die.  It’s still there, still at the back of your
mind, on the bottom of the cage, and will never truly disappear, but now you’ve
lost the chance to let it escape.
I had just released all my butterflies in one, fell swoop.  The cage was empty;
and I had never felt better in all my life.  Letting your butterflies fly free
mean you are left with a completely empty cage, and the sight of something
alive and full of possibilities give you hope it’ll bloom into something better
and brighter.
“I love you,” came my voice finally.  I hadn’t even realised I was saying it
until it had left my lips, but I was happy that those were the words I had
subconsciously chosen to speak first.  “I love you.  But I can’t rely on you. 
If I do, I feel like I’ll be leaning against something too unstable.  What if
you break?  What if you disappear?  I’ll fall, and I won’t be able to pick
myself back up.”
His eyes were calm as he listened to me, but it was the kind of calm that made
me shiver, the kind of calm that made me realise there was more to come, and
whether I was prepared or not, I now had to face it.
“You don’t have to rely on me,” he was saying now.  “I can hold myself up just
fine.  I’ve been doing it my whole life.  I didn’t fall in love with you
because you became my crutch; I fell in love with you because you taught me to
stand on my own in a way that made me happy I was doing it.”
I could relate infinitely to what he was saying, because he had done the same
for me.
It felt like years and years ago, when we had come across each other in a place
of loud music, sweating bodies and cheap drinks.  It seemed like years ago when
I had first laid eyes on a green-eyed, tanned skin, soft-haired beauty that I
immediately deemed mine.  It must have been years ago when our visits to that
place became regular, and soon I was falling for the boy that had become so
much more than a sex partner, willing him fiercely to be my life partner as
well.
“You’re not allowed to die,” I felt my hoarse voice croak out, the cold and the
storm freezing me where I stood.  I shifted, cracking some of the ice that had
fused to my back.  “You’re not allowed to disappear.  We are in this together.”
He was stepping closer to me now, co-ordinating his way through the gale-force
winds so he could stand in front of me, our toes touching, his arms bringing me
close to him so I could bury my face into his shoulder, breathing in his scent,
still so strong despite the blizzard that continued to howl around us.
His heartbeat sounded wonderful against my ear, his arms felt fantastic around
my hardened body, and I could already feel myself thawing under his touch, my
body falling back into a place it hadn’t been for weeks.  It was comfortable
and familiar, it was warm and beautiful, and I’ll be damned if I never return
here again.
Returning to the barn was a feat in of itself thanks to the wind and the snow
and the cold.  All of it kept knocking us off course, meaning we had to fight
to straighten our way again, making the trip three times as longer as it should
have been.  When we finally crawled under the chain again, the barn floor had
already been covered in the white substance, making it harder to shut the door
on the wind and barricade the hayloft window. 
Finally, when we weren’t in danger of drowning in ice, we set up a fire inside
one of the empty horse’s stalls.  The extra walls were stronger and thicker,
keeping the cold out and the wind off, allowing us to light the fire again and
huddle together to share its warmth, defrosting our fingers and ears as we did.
And then suddenly it was about sharing body heat as well.  It was too cold to
get completely naked, and the both of us were too frozen to do anything
strenuous anyway, but that didn’t mean Eren’s lips didn’t set me on fire as he
lapped at my mouth and trailed his lips up and down my neck.  Just because
there was a storm raging on outside, didn’t mean I wasn’t happy to push Eren
back into a clump of straw, sitting atop his lap and grinding down, heating
both our abdomens and our crotches as we rutted against each other.
The friction was intense and the heat was scorching.  Eren’s breath was moist
on my lips and his mouth was always ready for me as I invaded it with my tongue
again and again, nipping at his lips, rolling my hips, panting his name as I
desperately tried to feel him through the thick fabric of his jeans.  I could
barely feel him, but it was enough to send me over the edge, the ridge of his
cock pushing up against my ass, causing me to clench and whine needily for him
as he held my hips firm to him. 
It was messy and sticky and I was deeming the activity not worth it as I
grabbed a cloth and tried to clean myself as best I could without removing my
pants.  Eren could only laugh at me as I did, doing the same though not to the
extent that I was.  Then warm hands were clasping mine, slipping them into
opposing pockets, so I could fondle thin hips and whine at how they would feel
pressed up against mine with nothing between them.
Eren managed to keep the fire going all night, though the wind made it
impossible to get any sleep.  But I was more than happy to stay awake, pressed
up against the man that I loved so much, catching up on lost time and missed
kisses.  My lips and jaw were aching by morning, but I couldn’t find it in my
cold bones to give a shit at all as Eren continued to allow me access to his
warm cavern, where I could taste and suck at him all I wanted.
The storm didn’t die down at all during the night or even the following
morning.  It turned the sky white and the horizon grey, misting over everything
more than a few metres away from our line of vision.  The frozen landscape
before us made it impossible to see anyone else that might have passed us by,
made it impossible to know if anyone had crossed our horizon, as we huddled
together under the planks of rotting wood we had appraised as our castle and
our sanctuary from the ending world outside. 
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!