Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/7880911.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J.K._Rowling
  Relationship:
      Lucius_Malfoy/Severus_Snape, Severus_Snape/Other(s)
  Character:
      Severus_Snape, Lucius_Malfoy
  Additional Tags:
      First_Time, Drama, Romance, Humor
  Collections:
      Ink_Stained_Fingers
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-10-22 Chapters: 5/5 Words: 21888
****** Severus Snape’s Secret Diary ******
by Mimine [archived by ISF_Archivist]
Summary
     What the title says. Sev is young and feeling his way around. Lucius
     is around.
Notes
     This story was originally archived at Ink_Stained_Fingers, which was
     created in 2002 as a home for Harry Potter slash fiction. To preserve
     the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an
     Open Doors-approved project in January 2015. We e-mailed all authors
     about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached
     everyone. If you are (or know) this author or artist, please contact
     me using the e-mail address at the Ink_Stained_Fingers_collection
     profile.
***** Severus Snapes Secret Diary *****
Severus Snape's Secret Diary




  It is a little red book. It had been a gift, which explained its colour.
  Severus wouldn't be caught dead owning anything in the hated Gryffindor red
  but the diary had come in handy one morning when he had wanted to share with
  someone, anyone the previous night's events. He had gone on like that. Many
  of his entries were not dated, written in different colours or shades of ink,
  his spidery handwriting hurried and almost utterly illegible in some, neat
  and more rounded in others. There were even illustrations in a few of the
  pages. It was a treasured book, a witness to 30 years of his life and even
  though he claimed to use it to chronicle his sexual escapades one could argue
  that on several occasions it had chronicled much more than that.
  10/ 10 /1975
  I didn't have anything to write before since my only lover had been my fist.
  The size of this diary is rather intimidating. I'd like to fill it,
  experience everything there is to experience. But at the same time I'm a
  little scared. Sex is complicated and unsafe.
  I suppose you could say I was molested last night. I was wondering when my
  turn would come and it did. I don't know why Lucius does this. I'm not the
  first fifth year who has had him slip into his bed and I won't be the last.
  "Be quiet, little Snape" he whispered and before I knew it, my prick was out
  of my pyjama bottoms and into his mouth. Slick and hot and making a little
  suckling sound that appeared deafening to me in the quiet dormitory. I
  squirted in his mouth. I had tried to pull back but he didn't let me. It was
  good. It was incredible. I don't think masturbation will cut me for me
  anymore even if I use my very own lubricant which has already made me a
  rather wealthy fifth year Potions prodigy. It occurred to me that I might be
  needing it soon for something more than preventing chafing when I wank.
  Lucius pinched my arse hard before he left and whispered something about me
  owing him one.
  13/ 10/ 1975
  I was checking the bruise on my bum at the changing room mirror when Rosier
  bumped into me. Lestrange and Avery had been fighting next to him and they'd
  pushed him on me. He apologised sullenly. He'd been strange with me the last
  couple of days. I suspect it is because Mafloy had been visiting his bed for
  a couple of weeks before he moved on to mine. I asked him what's wrong. As I
  said the words, I was surprised to discover that I actually cared. I truly
  had missed him the last couple of days. He was about to reply when a loud cry
  from the direction of Lestrange and Avery caught our attention.
  "Lestrange, you poof, get off me!"
  Lestrange did, clad only in a towel that made a little tent at the front.
  "Don't take it as a compliment, you git. I'm always randy enough to fuck the
  Whomping Willow." He turned to me and Rosier.
  "What is it? You act as though you've never seen a prick before." With that
  he let the towel drop, revealing it in all its glory. He pointed it to me and
  Rosier and wiggled it as though it were a wand.
  "Fuck me, Adrian, you're bonkers!"
  That was Avery. Lestrange told him to take it out too, we could all see that
  he was hard as well. It seemed that Lestrange's priapic tendencies were
  contagious because soon Avery had taken out his prick as well. Not as large
  as Lestrange's but also quite impressive with a slight inclination to the
  left. I'm not sure who challenged who. Not before long our two friends had
  their pricks in their fists and were pumping away to see who would squirt the
  farthest. My underwear felt rather restrictive on the front and Rosier next
  to me had started to breathe heavily, his hand working to free his prick. He
  was the only one of us still in his Quidditch robes. Lestrange and Avery had
  stepped back to lean against the wall as their fists worked faster and faster
  on their erections.
  "Please, I want to see it!" Apparently the sight of the Lestrange and Avery
  wankathon wasn't enough for Evan. I obliged him. Before I had had a chance to
  take matters into my own hands, he licked his palm thoroughly like a cat
  about to wash its face, then took a hold of my prick. He wasn't doing
  anything I couldn't do to myself, and better, but it felt fantastic. It was
  new to feel someone else's hand on me and I also liked the feel of his own
  erection against my thigh. Faster and faster, he stroked me hard and I came
  before Lestrange or Avery, making a mess on Rosier's hand and on his
  Quidditch robes. He didn't seem to mind. He brought his hand to his mouth and
  licked his fingers one by one like he does after one of his chocolate eating
  binges.
  He then started to rub shamelessly against my bare thigh as he stared at
  Lestrange and Avery who were just starting to let go, stuffing their wrists
  in their mouths to muffle their cries. Evan rubbing against me felt slimy but
  rather nice. He bit my shoulder when he came, his warm spunk trailing slowly
  down my thigh.
  I think Adrian won the contest. I couldn't see too well. In no time at all
  Rosier had taken off his robes, pulled down my underwear completely and had
  pushed me under the shower. He stood on tiptoe and pressed his lips on mine.
  It was my first kiss. Not bad.
  15/ 10 /1975
  I wonder when Lucius will come to collect on my debt. I'm looking forward to
  it, though to be honest, I'm also a little scared. I decided to prepare
  myself as much as I can. I'd hate to make a fool of myself to Lucius.
  I tried one finger, put it in me and wiggled it about a bit. It felt rather
  nice but tight, too tight. A hard prick is a lot larger than a finger. I
  added a second one, dry as I was. Hurt a bit but at the same time I felt
  myself get hard within seconds. I took a hold of my lubricant, coated my
  other hand and started stroking myself as I was sitting further and further
  back on my fingers. Why had I never thought of doing this before? I took out
  my fingers, scooped up some lubricant and dared three. It was tight, very
  tight and my wrist hurt as I tried to move my fingers inside but the pleasure
  was just... exquisite. It didn't take long for me to come.
  I bit on my pillow when my orgasm hit me. My wrist was in agony as I impaled
  myself as hard as I could. I thrashed, unable to control myself and the
  blasted bed creaked very loudly in the quiet dormitory.
  "Cut it out, you wanker. Some of us are trying to sleep!"
  I stayed as still as I could while I removed my fingers, leaving behind the
  sticky feeling of the lubricant and something... not pain. A feeling of being
  open. I realised that I had a hard time keeping myself from going to
  Lestrange, who had quite rudely pointed out that I'd woken him up, and
  begging him to nail me. I realised that my father will never see the
  grandchild he so craves. I imagined his face when I tell him and the thought
  alone was enough for me to go to sleep with a smile on my face.
  17/10/1975
  My bruise had faded so much it was hardly visible and Lucius hadn't collected
  on his debt. I had started to think that he'd lost interest and all my
  preparation had been for nothing. I was wrong. Jigger paired him up with me
  today at Potions. We've been paired before and he's gotten over his initial
  resentment over being paired with the annoying fifth year know-it-all. I
  hadn't tried for that label but Jigger knows my father and never passes on an
  opportunity to demonstrate my Potions making abilities to his class of
  incompetent seventh years. What a wanker! He treats me as though I'm his
  little performing monkey. The fear of losing points for Slytherin hasn't let
  me intentionally fail any of my potions as I always want to do when that
  idiot starts singing my praises in class.
  Lucius had been looking at me strangely, intensely, not taking his eyes away,
  not even blinking whenever I raised my eyes from my cauldron to meet his
  gaze.
  It was unsettling to say the least and I ended up botching our potion quite
  spectacularly. I cursed under my breath and sat down dejected, wanting
  nothing more than to strangle Jigger who wanted to know what was ailing his
  little Potions prodigy.
  Lucius casually placed his hand on my thigh under the table and suddenly
  Jigger's condescending tone didn't matter one bit, nor did the smoking
  remains of our potion. Lucius felt me up slowly, his thumb stroking the
  inside of my thigh.
  "I want to fuck you," he murmured and that was it. We were only five minutes
  away from the class ending anyway but it appeared that he couldn't wait. He
  knocked a bottle of something red on me, I'm pretty sure it was mandrake
  essence. I didn't have a chance to check before Lucius dragged me outside by
  the hand "to clean me up".
  He'd barely closed the bathroom door after us before he grabbed me. His kiss
  was hard, violent almost. It lasted too long and I was afraid I was going to
  faint. When he finally let go my bottom lip was bleeding and he licked at it
  gently as though trying to compensate for his harshness before. He undressed
  me with practiced ease, his hands stroking my body as layer after layer of
  clothing was removed. Soon I was naked before him, shivering even though the
  room wasn't cold, my prick so hard it had slapped up to my belly and was
  leaking profusely. He turned me around so forcefully I had to put my hands up
  to avoid slamming against the tiled wall. I bent with my legs spread, trying
  to will my breath and my fluttering heart to slow down.
  I recognised by its smell the jar of viscous camomile extract he'd pinched
  from the classroom. Not ideal for what we wanted but I was glad he'd at least
  brought something. He parted my buttocks and lubricated finger probed my
  entrance. Instinctively I pressed back to take it in. Lucius drew in a sharp
  breath.
  "I'm impressed, little Snape." Lucius' voice held a tone of disappointment. I
  turned to him and told him that I was a virgin, I'd just tried to prepare
  myself. My face was burning. He laughed and added a second and a third
  finger. His fingers are larger than my own. I worked my muscles to take them
  in as far as they would go. I felt almost painfully stretched.
  He took out his fingers and I knew what came next. I trembled and it was part
  anticipation, part fear.
  He grabbed my buttocks, (hard enough to bruise, I know it, I found his
  imprint) and parted them. I felt the head of his prick on my opening and
  instinctively inched forward. He held onto my hips to position me.
  Randomly I checked my wristwatch. I had Transfiguration in ten minutes. I
  tensed.
  He had the grace to notice something was wrong.
  "What is it?"
  "I don't want to lose my virginity like this," I blurted out. "Not in a
  bathroom right before I'll have to go to Transfiguration!"
  He stroked at the small of my back. "You want flowers and a candlelit dinner,
  little Snape?" he mocked me.
  I pushed back with determination even though my eyes stung with tears.
  "I will not deny you," I whispered, "but at least a bed would be nice."
  He pulled out completely. I panicked for a moment. I thought he'd leave me. I
  wasn't mature enough for him and a thought of also having Transfiguration in
  nine minutes crept in as well. I bowed my head, biting on my lip not to cry.
  He turned me around to face him. I was like a rag doll in his arms. The
  Muggle kind that don't move at all. He told me to open my eyes. I did and he
  was a blur. He kissed the tear that escaped then he kissed my mouth. He
  turned me around again and nestled his prick between my thighs. It was a good
  feeling, surprisingly, especially the feeling of his wet head hitting my
  balls. One hand around my waist was holding me up, his other hand was jerking
  me off. I was glad he'd thought of that since there was no way I could have
  taken matters into my own hands without bashing my head on the wall.
  I felt his spunk hit my balls, my arse, my thighs and treacle down to my
  pants and underpants which were pooled around my feet. Propriety didn't
  bother me for one more second as I thrust in Lucius' fist and let go as well,
  decorating the wall in front of me.
  "We're not nearly finished," he whispered in my ear and bit it. I cleaned
  myself up as best and as quickly as I could but I was still late for
  Transfiguration. I was worse disaster than usual in class since I could not
  stop thinking about Lucius. After my third attempt to turn a rabbit into a
  furry slipper failed with the furry slipper hopping away from me in terror,
  the stupid cow took 20 points from Slytherin and told me that I'd better
  start using my wand for something other than curses and hexes. I thought she
  was also going to give me detention but she can't stand the sight of me, as
  for sending me to Filch, I assume she has noticed that Filch isn't nearly as
  mean to Slytherins as he is to students of other Houses. To me in particular,
  detention with Filch would be anything but a punishment since the caretaker
  is one of my best clients.
  I shrugged and started running after my slipper. It was a pity about the
  points but I'm sure Jigger will take them tenfold from Gryffindor. As I
  passed him, Black elaborated on McGonagall's comment by whispering to me that
  I should crucio my rabbit at the exams since it's all I'm good for with my
  wand, just like my nazi father.
  The stupid cow took 3 more points from Slytherin when Rosier told Black to go
  fuck his whore of a mother and leave me alone. She overlooked the fact that
  Adrian and I ended up escorting Evan to the Infirmary with a broken nose
  since her beloved Gryffindor had been provoked, of course. Of course. The
  cunt!
  19/10/1975
  This waiting is killing me. I was staring at him today at dinner. Whenever he
  raised his eyes I would get this huge knot in my throat and couldn't eat.
  Evan had to elbow me to get me to finally pass him the salt. Suddenly I don't
  laugh anymore at what I saw at the margin of Julie Parkinson's Potions notes.
  I'm very close to encasing Lucius' name in a pink heart as well.
  22/10/1975
  There were no flowers and a candlelit dinner. But there was a bed. Lucius'
  bed. I don't know what he did with his dorm mates. Probably got them to sleep
  somewhere else. In Slytherin there is little that Lucius Malfoy can't do.
  I was in the common room playing wizard's chess with Lestrange when Lucius
  came and sat next to me. He casually leaned and stroked my hair, effectively
  petting me as though I were a cat or a dog. And I might have been with my
  reaction. I arched into his touch. Lestrange rolled his eyes and started
  putting the pieces away.
  Part of me liked this public way in which Lucius claimed me but another part
  was very uncomfortable. I followed Lucius obediently, without a glance back
  to Lestrange who had started making disgusting kissing noises. Was he
  jealous? Perhaps.
  Once we'd reached his bedroom he told me to undress. I did, not daring to try
  to make a big production of it, I was sure I'd be ridiculous rather than
  provocative had I gone for a strip tease. I folded everything neatly and left
 it in a pile on the chair next to Lucius' bed. I stared at him, naked as I
  was. I wasn't aroused, I think I was too scared to be aroused.
  He stared at me for a while, an inscrutable expression on this face. I kept
  thinking he'd changed his mind and I couldn't bear it. It was probably for a
  few seconds but they felt like centuries.
  He pounced at me with a feral cry, throwing me on the bed. He knocked my
  breath out with his slender weight. He looks lean but he's full of compact
  muscle, his body lithe as a cat's. So beautiful! So unbearably beautiful! He
  kissed me hard enough to bruise my lips, his tongue seeking out mine. I
  yielded. What else could I do? Even if he weren't the Malfoy heir, older than
  me and beautiful as a God among mortals I think I would have yielded. Not
  only queer but a bottom...Another interesting little fact to tell my father.
  "What is so funny, Snape?"
  I must have chuckled out loud when he let me pause for breath. He sounded
  menacing. I suppose laughing after being kissed is not an acceptable
  reaction. How acceptable is it to be thinking of my father with all that's
  happening? "I thought of something," I said hesitantly.
  His eyes narrowed to two sapphire slits. "I suggest you focus on what is
  going on here."
  And I did. Wet sucking kisses down my throat, his hands following the trail
  his lips had ignited, teasing, rolling one nipple while his mouth fastened on
  the other and then going lower. Stroking my abdomen, biting the sensitive
  flesh, making my body curl up. Lower he tongue-fucked my navel for a while
  (?) I guess it's an acquired taste, it felt more ticklish than sexy. Both of
  his hands grabbed the inside of my thighs. Hard. I think he likes to bruise
  me. I think I like being bruised.
  His mouth lowered and caught my prick. I grew hard in his mouth but he didn't
  raise his head, not even a little, swallowing around my prick. I could hear a
  faint slurping sound... I guess it was a rather disgusting sound, not unlike
  the noises the giant squid makes when Hagrid is feeding it, but what his
  mouth was doing to me left no room for any thoughts. All the way back, the
  head was hitting his throat. I was so afraid I was choking him that I tried
  to pull back but that suction was simply... unbelievable. He did pull back
  until only the tip was in his mouth. He sucked just there, pushing the spongy
  flesh with his tongue. I cried out in disappointment as his swollen pink lips
  left the head then caught it again. His hand started pumping me... Gods, I
  get hard just thinking about it... He took his hand away and then it was just
  his head, bobbing up and down on me... It was as though I was fucking his
  mouth. Arching to meet his mouth which was coming down, anyway. So wet, so
  hot, his tongue licking around the head, tonguing my slit...
  And then a finger, two, three up my bum and I came so hard my toes curled. I
  felt something wet and salty on my lips, realising I'd bitten back my cries a
  little more forcefully than I should have. I licked on the blood slowly,
  savouring the taste.
  "Look at me."
  I was nodding off, sedated after my orgasm. I raised my heavy lids. Lucius
  was undressing with a casual grace which took my breath away. I took a good
  look at his prick for the first time. Not particularly large but long and
  slender standing in attention. His thatch is golden, I noted, a fact that I
  suppose disproves those persistent rumours I've been hearing about his hair
  colour being artificial. Unless he dyes that hair as well... I wouldn't put
  it past Lucius with how many people must have been treated to the sight of
  the Malfoy tool already.
  I was lying on the bed, feeling utterly boneless. I wondered what I should
  do, turn around by myself? Wait for Lucius to decide how he wanted me? I'd
  heard that it is possible to do it face to face but it seemed rather strange
  and uncomfortable to me. I didn't want to take my eyes from naked, randy
  Lucius so I waited for him to tell me what to do.
  He did. Or rather, he showed me. He grabbed my shoulders and kissed me hard.
  I tasted myself, my semen and the blood still seeping from my lip. After he
  broke the kiss he forcefully turned me around. I felt the slippery bedsheet
  against my spent prick. The sheets were a dark green, satin-like fabric, I
  suppose he doesn't wish to sleep in the usual school issued sheets. Or
  perhaps he had taken a special trouble for me... who knows?
  I turned around to look at him under the curtain of my hair. I hoped he
  couldn't hear my heart pounding and that he'd take the tension in my face for
  lust not fear. He sat next to me, his prick bobbing slightly but still
  pointing firmly at the ceiling. I reached back and felt his thighs... so soft
  but hiding steel underneath. He stilled my hand before it would go any
  further. He took a hold of my skinny thighs and spread my legs as far as they
  could go.
  If he'd given me a choice about it at that point I suspect I would have told
  him to stop. I could feel my heartbeat at the back of my throat. I swallowed
  hard, burying my face on the soft, satin-covered pillow.
  Suddenly, I felt the pillow being dragged from under my face. I fought an
  urge to hold on to it as though I could draw some comfort from it. Lucius
  lifted my lower body and slipped the pillow under me. The feel of the
  slippery fabric against my prick made me realise that despite my fear, little
  Severus had started to get interested again.
  My arse was raised, totally exposed, my hole pulsing. I tried not to imagine
  how I looked right now. I turned to look at Lucius. He smiled at me wickedly.
  He reached and placed a kiss at the small of my back, his hands slowly
  trailing down my spine. It felt as though my whole body was a knot and he was
  untying it slowly. I moaned from the tender touch. His hands slipped down to
  the crevice between my buttocks.
  "I brought something," I whispered timidly. "It's in the inside pocket of my
  robes."
  "Really? And what would it be?" he said. How can he make even the simplest
  statement sound as though he's mocking me?
  "L...lubricant," I stammered. "I made it myself."
  He laughed then and smacked my arse hard. It burned but also... I
  instinctively rubbed against the pillow. I was almost fully hard again.
  "No wonder you're Jigger's little pet," he said.
  It was awful, bringing Jigger up like that. He's a wanker, why should Lucius
  be jealous?
  His hand left my arse and I felt the bed shift as he went to the chair where
  I'd left my robe. He took the jar and came back.
  I felt his slickened fingers at my entrance and pulled them in hungrily. He
  made a sound of surprise. He'd fully appreciate my lubricant when he put it
  on his prick but I think he'd started to see that I was right to insist we
  use it.
  "Eager to be fucked, now, are we?" he said, adding another finger.
  It felt amazing that me, skinny, ridiculed, big-nosed Severus Snape should
  make Lucius bloody Malfoy sound hoarse with lust. I rubbed against the pillow
  again, I was so hard it hurt.
  I turned to see him rub my lubricant on himself. I was afraid for a moment
  he'd sit there and wank instead of fucking me, his hands stroked on his
  length more than would be necessary to apply the stuff.
  "Oh, that's good," he whispered, his eyes closed.
  I hoped I wouldn't have to point out to him that I was waiting for him wide
  open, my arse up on a plate for him. He opened his eyes again and stared at
  me. He climbed between my spread legs and pulled my arsecheeks further apart.
  He pressed against me, his slippery prick feeling a lot larger and
  intimidating than fingers.
  It hurt a little. Then he pressed harder and it hurt more than a little. I
  gave out a whimper, stuffing my wrist in my mouth not to make any other
  sounds of protest.
  "Shhh, just relax," he said, stopping halfway in. My muscles had clamped hard
  on him.
  I was in quite a predicament. Throbbing pain was telling me that if I didn't
  make him stop he'd probably tear something down there. On the other hand, if
  I let him push just a little more, we were halfway there. I took a deep
  breath and forced myself to relax, pushing back to him a little.
  He gave out a moan and with a firm thrust he was fully in. It wasn't bad but
  I can't say I saw stars either. It still hurt quite a bit but the lubricant
  had warmed up and was soothing the irritation. It seems that that balm I'd
  added to the original recipe had been a good idea.
  Then he moved. A shallow push at first... it felt brilliant! I moaned hard,
  shifting under him to press on the pillow. My prick had started to go soft as
  he was entering me but I could feel it hardening again now.
  He rotated his hips, giving me a good idea of why people call this activity
  screwing. I could feel him fully, the swollen crown burning me. He pulled
  back, almost out, then plunged in again. He hit something inside me. I'd
  heard it from Rosier in reference to buggery not being such a bad idea but I
  thought he'd been having me on. Apparently not. That nub inside me was
  connected straight to my prick, it seems. I backed to keep the pressure there
  a little longer and moaned when that action dragged my prick on the pillow. I
  pressed against it wishing it could be harder. I reached to grab myself but
  Lucius didn't let me, sadistic bastard that he is. He started fucking me
  brutally at about that point and pain mixed exquisitely with pleasure... I'm
  leaking at the memory...
  I couldn't take it anymore. He finally reached and started jerking me off in
  time with his thrusts. I could hear myself moaning so loud I was sure the
  whole of the Slytherin dorm could hear what was going on, perhaps half the
  Ravenclaw as well. I couldn't stop myself, I'd bite my lip clear off if I
  tried.
  I came before he did all over the poor pillow... luckily he has two. He went
  on for... a few more minutes? Hours? He suddenly pulled out and then I felt
  his spunk on me, on my suddenly empty arse, on my lower back, on my thighs...
  everywhere. I made some sort of sound then, can't remember what I said. I
  felt him lay at my side, curling around me like a very large, very happy cat.
  He reached and trailed a finger down my face catching sweat and tears. He
  asked me if I was alright. I nodded yes. He got up and brought a couple of
  wet towels. I preferred a shower but that would involve walking there and I
  felt as though I was one with the mattress.
  He cleaned me up a bit, dropped the towel on the floor, then lay next to me
  again.
  "Why did you finish... outside?" I asked sleepily, hardly aware of what I was
  saying. I blushed after I said it though.
  "It would feel... strange to you, my eager ex-virgin. Somewhat unpleasant."
  I asked him whether he knew that from experience. He laughed and didn't
  reply.
  27/10/1975
  He was right about it feeling strange. Coming inside me, I mean. He did it
  yesterday. He'd wanted to fuck me again sooner than that but I'd been playing
  hard to get. I was too busy with studying (my excuse). True reason was that I
  wanted to give my arse some time to recuperate from what happened. I had no
  serious problems, just this slight pain which was sort of sexy. It was a
  source of several ill-timed erections since I was reminded of what we did
  together every time I sat down. Lestrange noticed a wince (or so he said) the
  next morning at breakfast and he kept teasing me about it. I turned to Evan
  for support but he didn't seem willing to give me any. I felt like crying
  when I met his cold gaze. Disapproval? Jealousy? I don't know. I like
  Lucius... I'm crazy about him. But I also need my friends. I also need Evan
  with his gentle green eyes and his open, freckled face. He is my only real
  friend. I suppose I mean it in the sickly Hufflepuff sense.
  Enough about Evan. He wants to be mad at me, fine. I'm not the only one who
  will miss the friendship.
  Lucius was amazing yesterday. We did it outside, near Hagrid's hut. He didn't
  bother with a blow job this time, we had to make it quick. He just lubed me
  up and rode me. It hadn't been planned so he hadn't managed to clear his
  dormitory and my dormitory was out of the question. I got all muddy and
  sticky. on my knees, under him. We crept to Hagrid's garden and cleaned up as
  best we could at his fountain. I limped a little as I made it back to my
  dormitory, to a nice hot shower and my bed. Filch caught me on the way there,
  but since he's running low on that vile concoction I've made for him, and
  convinced him it will keep his hair on his head, he just swatted my sore
  bottom and told me to hurry up and he'd make sure no one caught me.
  3/11/1975
  It has been a strictly oral week. Both times we met Lucius had wanted more
  but I wouldn't let him. I nearly gave in the second time since he had
  promised to heal me afterwards but he changed his mind. He decided to train
  me in the fine art of fellatio instead.
  His method was mutually rewarding. It was a simple: "do as I'm doing". We
  were in his bed, his roommates' snores accompanying our faint slurping.
  Luckily, we both had our mouths full and didn't make too much noise.
  69 was a lot more comfortable than I'd thought it would be when I'd read
  about it. I lay my head against his creamy thigh. His other leg was raised,
  foot planted firmly on the mattress, his wiry muscles shifting whenever he
  would raise his pelvis slightly to bury himself deeper in my mouth.
  I did that more than he did. I tried to keep up with him and do more or less
  exactly what he was doing but at times my mouth would just open of it's own
  accord responding to some wicked manoeuvre of his frightfully agile tongue
  and talented throat. His response would be to stop what he was doing until I
  would take his prick back in and clumsily try to follow his lead. Accidental
  scraping of teeth was punished with bruises on my bum. I got around four by
  the time he finally came - a good five minutes after I had.
  I tried to swallow but ended up choking. I couldn't stifle my cough. My eyes
  were watering and my face was an utter mess, spunk and drool running down my
  jaw. Lucius didn't taste much better than me. It occurred to me that I'd
  started automatically thinking of what ingredients could improve the taste as
  though Lucius' spunk was some exotic new potion. I chuckled and ended up
  coughing even harder. Great! We managed to come without waking his roommates
  and now they were both shifting in their beds making irritated, sleepy
  sounds.
  After I'd succeeded in putting an end to my coughing fit Lucius pulled me to
  him until we were face to face. I tried to apologise but he didn't let me
  speak. He kissed me instead. He explored my mouth, his tongue sweeping every
  corner of it then released my lips and started licking at my face to clean me
  up. It was a very un-Lucius thing to do and I stared at him wide-eyed,
  blinking like an idiot.
  "Was I any good?" I asked.
  "You have a natural talent but we need to work on it some more," was his
  sleepy reply.
  He let me sleep on his bed for a little longer. I got up about an hour later,
  removed the hand he had carelessly tossed around my waist and crept back to
  my dormitory.
***** Severus Snapes Secret Diary: Entries 09-18 *****
Chapter Notes
     Many thanks to the people who let me know they liked it. Your
     thoughts and suggestions have been very helpful. Hope I will not
     disappoint.
Severus Snape's Secret Diary (entries 9-18)




  Notes: Many thanks to the people who let me know they liked it. Your thoughts
  and suggestions have been very helpful. Hope I will not disappoint.
  10/11/1975
  Blown, bent and buggered sums up things rather well in the sexual front
  lately. All it takes is a sideways glance. Or his pointy pink tongue licking
  his lips. A discreet or not so discreet touch under the table at lunch. His
  hand casually stroking my thigh under our desk at Potions or Defence. We
  disappear and I'm all his.
  13/11/1975
  Yesterday he came to my bed. I was ashamed. I told him to leave (not too
  forcefully, I'll admit). He promised he'd be quiet but my bed creaks
  horribly. I tried oiling the hinges but it's still making enough noise to
  wake everyone in the dormitory.
  Lucius kissed me, drowning my half-hearted protests. His mouth moved lower,
  renewing the fading love bites on my neck. My prick had jumped up ready for
  the moment his mouth would close around it but he kept his attention to my
  upper body for a while longer than usual. His lips moved a little higher and
  caught my earlobe. He'd never done that before. I had no idea ears can be so
  sensitive, so heart-stoppingly erotic. I moaned from that... just that... and
  arched to rub against him. I was in for a shock. He wasn't hard.
  "Lucius," I said slowly, not sure of what I was going to say. Whatever it
  might have been I didn't get a chance to say it. He kissed me again keeping
  his lower body away from contact with mine. I drew in a shuddering breath
  when he finally freed my lips. My chest hurt. Not just from oxygen
  deprivation, a vague fear had gripped my heart.
  "I needed you," he whispered hoarsely. "I woke up and all I could think of
  was you." He pressed his face on my chest, his hands gripping my upper arms
  with bruising force.
  "You're hurting me," I hissed. I'd lost my erection. I was terrified.
  He weakened his grip a little. "This isn't normal. It can't be normal," he
  whispered brokenly.
  I squirmed from under him and managed to sit up. He had dropped on the bed,
  his face buried in his hands. I asked him if he was alright. He reached back,
  took a hold of my hand and squeezed it reassuringly.
  "I should leave," he whispered and made to get off the bed but I didn't let
  him. I wasn't afraid anymore. I turned him around and I started kissing him.
  I couldn't do it as violently as he does. I'm always cautious, afraid of
  hurting him, bruising that fair skin, those soft pink lips. He pushed on my
  head with an urgency punctuated by his hardness against my thigh. I slid down
  on his pale body and took him in my mouth. He grew even harder. I closed my
  eyes and willed my throat muscles to relax as I took him fully in. Had my
  mouth not been full I think I'd have announced to the world that I was
  finally there. My nose was buried in his golden, wiry hairs. I pulled back a
  little when I realised that I'd been so focused on pleasuring him that I'd
  forgotten to breathe.
  I felt his hands in my hair, stroking, then easing me off. I groaned in
  disappointment.
  He brought me to eye level with him and kissed me softly and before I knew it
  I was on my back under him. He lifted my legs until my knees were on his
  shoulders. How had it never occurred to me before? Fucking face to face is
  very much possible if you think of doing that. I handed him the lubricant and
  he prepared me silently. He bit on his lip and stayed still for a moment as
  he was rubbing the lubricant on himself. I suppose I'd brought him very near
  to the edge and he was trying to get himself under control again. It was good
  to be able to see his face as he was getting ready to take me.
  He entered me swiftly. My back ached under his weight, complaining about
  bending in two to accommodate him. I ignored it and focussed on the pleasure.
  He hit the prostate right away. I thrashed under him, clamping my own hand
  over my mouth to keep quiet. He was fucking me slowly, so slowly I thought I
  was going to go crazy. Pulling almost fully out then plunging back in. So
  quiet, so focussed, his teeth bared in a soundless snarl. I was rubbing
  myself against his flat stomach. It wasn't enough but I knew he wouldn't let
  me slip my hand between our joined bodies and take care of myself. He plunged
  in and I felt his pre ejaculate in me, he was close . Very close. I clenched
  my inner muscles around him and forced his orgasm from him. He bit viciously
  on the junction between my neck and my shoulder as he came inside me. He
  collapsed on top of me. Gods, how my back hurt. It still hurts. My prick was
  crushed between our bodies, leaking.
  I struggled under him. He let me get my legs off his shoulders then collapsed
  on top of me again. I rubbed against his sweaty stomach until I came.
  "I'm sorry," he murmured sleepily. "Forgot about you."
  I applied some of my "after sex cleansing lotion" (very useful invention when
  you're fucking someone with Lucius' libido) on a towel and started cleaning
  some things which are best cleaned before they dry. I dumped the towel to the
  floor, sparing a guilty thought to the unlucky house elf assigned to my bed
  tomorrow. Lucius pulled me to his arms again. I would have happily stayed
  there had it not been for a pressing need to use the bathroom.
  When I got back he was gone.
  "He left." Evan's voice gave me a start. I went to him. I wanted to apologise
  about waking him up. A musky scent hit my nostrils as I got to his bed. He
  told me to go away.
  "Evan, I'm sorry."
  He started to cry. Pathetic sobs, snivelling. He fought me off when I raised
  his curtains and tried to quiet him down. He scratched me, kicked me. His
  hand was sticky. I left him and staggered to my own bed, shocked with his
  outburst.
  14/11/1975
  Everything hurts. I'm never doing it face to face again.
  Evan hasn't said a word to me today. Nor have any of my other roommates.
  Adrian didn't even tease me. I feel very guilty.
  Lucius was cold with me. He was teasing a girl in his year at breakfast. In
  Defence we weren't paired together. I got paired with that other fifth year,
  Remus Lupin. Prof. Figg just doesn't get that Slytherins and Gryffindors
  don't mix well. At least Lupin was focussed on what we were doing instead of
  pulling idiotic pranks. When he's not with Black and the rest of them he is
  not too bad. Can't believe I just wrote that...
  I wasn't any good in class, today. Kept looking at Lucius, the way he joked
  with the girl, pulled her hair. Lupin followed my gaze and seemed to
  understand what was up, more or less. I shrugged off his concern and tried a
  particularly nasty hex with him which he blocked. Of course. He always blocks
  them. I think Professor Figg doesn't pair me with Lucius anymore because she
  must have noticed that I'm not that intent on hurting him when we duel, quite
  the opposite. I don't show any restraint with Lupin. Neither does he.
  I should have paid less attention to Lucius and that girl and more to the
  duel. Madam Pomfrey walked in a moment ago. She saw me writing and said I
  should rest my eyes. Everything keeps getting in and out of focus. The
  headache potion seems to be finally working. She promised she would hide my
  diary and not try to read it. (Ha! As if she could if she tried). She told me
  that Lupin would like to see me to apologise. I told her to tell him that
  there was nothing to apologise about, I should have been more careful. She
  stared at me as though I'd sprouted an extra head for a moment then quickly
  recovered. She said I'd better stop writing and try to get some sleep. I
  think I'll follow her advice.
  Lucius didn't come. Neither did Evan. Lestrange and Avery made an appearance.
  Lestrange called me a pathetic pansy who let a Gryffindor make a fool of me.
  Then he told me to get well soon or else he and Avery will be forced to kill
  Evan who's been driving them crazy, worrying about me.
  15/11/1975
  Finally released. I couldn't take it anymore. Lucius came to see me in the
  Infirmary. I left with him when Madam Pomfrey said it was alright. He sat
  with me at the Common room. He asked me whether Pomfrey had said anything
  about all the marks on my body. He avoided my eyes when he said that. Could
  it be that he was afraid? I don't want to think that. I don't want to think
  of Lucius that way. To me, he's above anything as mundane as rules in this
  school. I told him that Madam Pomfrey never says anything, never asks, never
  tells.
  19/11/1975
  I'm studying more than I strictly need to study. The library has become a
  sort of refuge to me. Lucius has been polite and distant. It hurts.
  Evan came to me for help with the History of Magic essay (I thought with
  Binns dying and all we'd get out of that one...) We just talked as though
  nothing had happened. He could see that I was not too well. I couldn't tell
  him what it was about because I didn't want to hurt him but he guessed and he
  was hurt anyway. Lestrange and Avery found us working silently, hardly
  speaking to each other. Lestrange tried to cheer us up by reading out loud
  from a sex manual he'd discovered and attempting to practice what it
  described on a very unwilling Avery.
  Adrian and Roger were kicked out of the library, the manual confiscated and
  ten points came near to being taken from Slytherin. At least Evan smiled a
  little.
  I wish I could talk about this thing with Lucius with someone. Evan is out of
  the question, Adrian will just laugh at me, and Roger is an idiot.
  23/11/1975
  We did it! Up at the Astronomy Tower... what a clich... Still it's something.
  He found me in the library writing the Defence essay that's due after the
  Christmas vacation. He started trying to draw my attention, playing with my
  hair, looking over my shoulder at what I was writing. I pretended to avoid
  him. I was mad at him for the way he's been with me lately.
  "I wrote to my parents about staying here for the holidays."
  I looked up from my parchment, my mouth hanging open. He reached and felt up
  my thigh under the table.
  "How about a celebratory fuck in the herbology section?" (it's almost always
  deserted and quite dark. Lucius gets off at the thought of getting caught but
  he doesn't want to push it too hard).
  I pressed his hand against my crotch, closing my eyes for a moment. I was
  tempted to say yes. I suggested instead that we went somewhere less public.
  I think he's taken others to the Astronomy Tower. Taken others in the
  Astronomy Tower. It's the traditional trysting ground in Hogwarts after all.
  I did see quite a few stars when he sucked me off. He then sat me on top of
  his prick. I'd had hardly any preparation, the only lubricant was his spit.
  It hurt a little. He rocked with me sitting on him and I felt some blood ease
  the slide. I squirmed on top of him then reached to touch my feet on the
  floor. I raised my body a little and he took a hold of my thighs and started
  fucking me in earnest.
  Felt good, but then again, it always does. He walked us to a wall where I
  pressed my elbows, crossed over my face. He hardly touched me and I came.
  It's as though our bodies truly become one, as though all it takes is for him
  to come and I come as well. We stayed joined for a while, facing the wall. We
  must have looked ridiculous, both still wearing our robes, our trousers at
  half-mast, panting... I hissed when he withdrew from me. I felt him pull up
  his trousers, zip up, I didn't have the strength to do the same. He did it
  for me, dressed me as though I were a doll. I was sticky and I could feel
  some of the pain that is now throbbing down there. I made a potion for it but
  it hasn't taken effect yet.
  He walked me back to my room, his arm around my shoulders. I doubt that
  anyone who saw us failed to guess what we'd been up to.
  24/11/1975
  I think I'd better start carrying a little of my lubricant wherever I go. You
  never know when Lucius, the arse-bandit, might hit and I do need that orifice
  for other things as well. I tried adding some more laudanum to the potion I
  made yesterday but I need to be careful. I'm running very low and I doubt
  that Filch will agree to another raid of Jigger's stores so soon after the
  last one (two weeks ago). Not to mention that I doubt even Jigger is that
  much of an idiot and will not notice that several of his bottles now contain
  more water than anything else.
  25/11/1975
  Lucius got a howler today! Most of what his mother said was in French but it
  wasn't that difficult to understand. He'd tried to run out of the Great Hall
  with it but didn't manage to get very far. He said his parents wanted to show
  him off this Christmas and he ruined their plans.
  Father has never sent me a howler. He hardly ever sends me actual letters. I
  didn't need to owl him and tell him I wouldn't be going home for the
  holidays, it's what he always expects. I wonder what he's going to send me
  this year. Last year he sent me a volume on Potions that was actually
  required reading for sixth year.
  Lucius' mother had sounded very upset. I wish father would get that upset
  over something I did. I wish he'd want to have me over for the holidays so
  I'd get a chance to snub him.
  9/12/1975
  Last game before the holidays and this has to happen! I'm so angry I can
 hardly see straight. It's not that I care that much about Quidditch but games
  with Gryffindor are a whole different story. Seeing James fucking Potter and
  his idiotic friends celebrating... I'd better stop, I might throw up. And all
  those Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs so happy about Gryffindor beating big, bad,
  evil Slytherin... To hell with them! We don't need them!
  I'd better start at the beginning. Lucius was droning on and on about the
  game and strategy and what have you, yesterday. I pretended to listen while
  all I wanted was to peel off his clothes and ravage him. The chances of him
  letting me do the ravaging are of course still very slight. Yesterday they
  were more than slight since today he would have to spend the better part of
  his day on a broom. At some point I managed to get him to be quiet for about
  ten minutes while he was sucking me off but that was all he was willing to
  do. Didn't even let me reciprocate. He probably believes all that crap about
  how important it is to save your energy before a game.
  I was watching from the sidelines today. I always do. I'm supposed to be a
  beater but Jigger will not risk my fine chopping hands out there wielding a
  stick. It suits me just fine. I hate flying. I don't want to be in the stupid
  team anyway but Jigger knew that my father could not possibly have that. At
  least Jigger didn't go as far as making me Seeker. Pleasing my father is not
  worth the entire House of Slytherin lynching me after every game.
  I had to admit that, as Qudditch goes, that was a very interesting game.
  Gryffindor was ahead, Potter and Black scoring like crazy (while my
  traitorous mind couldn't help noticing what fine specimens they both are and
  how much more rewarding a show they would provide if they were to start
  shagging mid air instead of chasing an ugly old quaffle). We were counting on
  Avery catching the Snitch before Gryffindor would cover the difference in
  points (as it always tries to do since they know that Lockhart wouldn't be
  able to find his arse with a map, let alone the Snitch. I wonder why
  McGonagall is keeping him on the team. Perhaps there is truth to those
  rumours about him giving her sexual favours... I'd better stop this thought
  here or I'll lose my dinner).
  Avery is an excellent seeker. Might be an idiot on the ground but up on the
  field, it's as though he belongs there. Sometimes I get hard observing his
  fluid grace. Lucius is a fairly decent flyer but Avery is really something
  else. For a few moments after he lands with the Snitch I want to go to him
  and beg him to shag me right in the middle of the Quidditch field. Then I
  take a good look at his face and hear his nasal voice saying something like:
  "Oh... got lucky again, I reckon" and the magic is gone.
  Evan had the quaffle during the last seconds. He was going on with it,
  passing Gryffindors right and left. Lucius was free, on his right. All Evan
  had to do was pass to him, Lucius later said that he even waved at him though
  I'll admit I didn't see that. My heart was pounding on my chest, if the
  Snitch was caught at that moment the score would be even.
  Before I knew what happened, hurricanes Potter and Black had fallen on Evan,
  fouled him (though that prejudiced cunt of a referee didn't see anything,
  once more) and scored, throwing the quaffle so viciously that Julie Parkinson
  ended up hanging upside down from her broom (perhaps there was also some hex
  involved there). And at precisely that moment, Roger caught the Snitch. He
  saw what happened, just as his hand was closing firmly on the winged ball...
  what was he supposed to do? Let it go? It all happened so quickly we didn't
  manage to stop him and even if we had, Lockhart was at his heels and would
  have probably caught it.
  It's one thing to lose but to lose like that? From Gryffindor? There was such
  wailing in the changing room, you'd think someone had died. Lucius was
  kicking things, swearing in French since he'd ran out of English even before
  he left the field. Mungo Crabbe was yelling what he was going to do to "that
  little fuck, Rosier who didn't pass to Lucius". I had Roger weeping on one
  shoulder and I was patting his dirt blond hair and telling him it wasn't his
  fault and Julie Parkinson on the other, sobbing, and snivelling, her fuzzy
  locks tickling my neck. She has gotten very friendly with me hoping that
  since Lucius and I are such good friends I'll help her win his heart (proof
  that females have nothing between their ears).
  Trapped between my weeping team mates all I wanted was to find Rosier and a)
  try to save him from Crabbe's wrath and b) try and be a decent friend to him
  and tell him that it was just a game and those two wankers fouled him so it
  wasn't his fault that we lost. I deposed Roger and Julie to Lestrange who had
  managed to make it in the changing room at last, ranting and raving about how
  we should all transfer to Durmstrang away from all those "Muggle-loving,
  mudblood cunts".
  I found Evan in one of the two closed showers. He was naked, standing under
  scorching hot water. (as I discovered when I leaned to turn it off - ouch).
  His normally milky white skin was an angry red. It took him a moment to
  realise it was me and even then he didn't relax. He dropped on the tiled
  floor, curling up until his chin was resting on his knees.
  I was still mostly dressed and the steam in the little cubicle made my
  clothes cling unpleasantly on my skin. I quickly took my clothes off and let
  it all fall on the wet floor. I knelt next to Evan. He didn't raise his head
  from his knees. I reached to touch his shoulder which was heaving with silent
  sobs. He flinched. I tried to reach him with words instead.
  "Evan, it's me," I said softly. "Come on, mate. It's only a game, it's not as
  though we lost the Cup. We'd lose at some point, it's only normal."
  He shook his head. I reached a hand and stroked his reddish blond hair which
  had darkened to a light brown from the water. Absentmindedly I noted how thin
  it is. He will probably lose it when he gets older. I had one of those
  horrible feelings at that moment, a kind of premonition that I get. I hate
  it. I hate Divination. Professor Vablatsky said I was one of the few students
  she's ever gotten to teach who truly had a gift. The next day I quit
  Divination and took Arithmancy instead. Missed Lestrange taking the piss in
  class (he is devoid of any kind of gift whatsoever) and Arithmancy is hell
  (at least it is Gryffindor-free, in fact only 12 Ravenclaws and me have taken
  it). However, Vablatsky often corners me in one corridor or another and goes
  on and on about my gift. She even went to Jigger to get him to force me to
  take her idiotic class.
  The voice inside me had said if Evan gets older. It's nothing. I'm sure it's
  nothing but I felt my whole body shiver at that moment and I broke in
  goosebumps despite the steam.
  Evan let me stroke his head. Little by little he raised his eyes to meet
  mine. Emerald green and red. He looked as young at that moment, as when I
  first saw him in the Hogwarts Express, crying because he was going to miss
  his parents and his baby brother. He didn't know he would sort in Slytherin
  yet and that Slytherins don't cry. My father had made it clear to me that I
  should not even think of sorting anywhere else (as if the choice was mine to
  make) and I already knew. Not to mention that the last thing I wanted to do
  was cry, since I was finally getting away from father.
  "Leave me alone, Severus," he croaked.
  I shook my head.
  "I saw him," Evan said, more to himself than me. "I could have passed to him
  but I didn't. I wanted to score. I'd seen that Roger was heading for the
  Snitch and I wanted to score the winning goal."
  "Black and Potter fouled you," I said quietly.
  He raised an eyebrow. "What else is new? I should have seen them coming. I
  should have passed to L... Lucius..." he started sobbing again. He let me
  draw him in my arms.
  "Come on, now. It's nothing, no one's blaming you," I lied, hoping that
  Crabbe wouldn't discover us any time soon. I can't tell how long we stayed
  like that, Evan sobbing on my chest while I rocked him gently. He relaxed
  after a moment and raised his face. Not a very pretty sight, red eyes, red
  nose, snot. I smiled and released him, looking delicately away while he blew
  his nose, turning on the shower to carry away the contents. I tempered the
  water and let it fall on my chilly skin to warm me up a little. Evan stepped
  under the spray as well. I reached and turned off the water then looked at
  the pitiful state of my Quidditch robes. A cursory glance around the cubicle
  produced no towel which meant we would both have to get out of there naked.
  Hopefully the mourners would have left the changing room by then.
  Evan grabbed my arm as I was making to get out. "Stay with me," he whispered.
  "You can't hide in here all day, Evan."
  "Just for a moment. I hardly see you lately."
  I wanted to say that it was him who had been avoiding me but I stopped
  myself. He had a point. Outside of the classes that I had to have with my own
  year I've been spending almost all of my free time with Lucius.
  "I'm not really crying about the game," Evan said. "Not just the game."
  I nodded, not knowing what to say. "I know that Lucius was with you before,"
  I said quietly.
  Evan laughed humourlessly. "Is that what you think it is? You think I care
  about Lucius? He just amused himself with me for a few nights, sucked me, got
  me to jerk him off... that was all. He said I could tell him to leave if I
  wanted and one night that's what I did. I said `Leave, Lucius. I want to
  sleep, I have an exam tomorrow'. Have you ever tried it, Sev? Telling him
  `no'?"
  His voice had risen dangerously and there were tears in the corners of his
  eyes. Still Evan but not really him at the same time. Nothing like the boy I
  thought I knew.
  "Evan..."
  "It's you, Sev. I miss you. I'm sick of only seeing you when your god
  dismisses you."
  I don't remember everything he said but it finally sunk in. I felt about an
  inch tall. I don't need unrequited... love or lust or whatever you want to
  call this thing.
  He sunk to the floor again, trembling. It was as though his anger had been
  all that had been holding him upright. He no longer sounded angry, just
  exhausted. I knelt and held him in my arms again, speechless.
  I made a sound when I felt his lips on my neck. Something like "stop" but he
  took no notice. He licked and bit me softly and I felt my cold body warm up.
  It was strange... he felt different than Lucius but also good. He reached my
  lips and pressed gently, timidly. I took charge of the kiss, exploring his
  mouth... He pulled back and took a deep breath.
  "It should stop here," I said, well aware of the fact that certain parts
  bellow the waist had a different opinion.
  He reached and stroked me there, softly at first. I reached to take his hand
  away but he strengthened his grip. I felt my resolve melt away.
  He pushed me until I was lying flat on my arse then he straddled me. He came
  forward and kissed me again tentatively, his tongue seeking entrance. His
  palm opened, then closed again around both of our erections. It felt good,
  both pricks in his firm grip, rubbing against his palm and against each
  other. It also felt a little uncomfortable though, because we were wet. He
  stopped and spread some of the precome that had began to seep and it made the
  friction somewhat easier.
  He sobbed , his face buried in the crook of my neck and I knew he was coming
  before I felt the warm fluid against my stomach. I couldn't hold it for much
  longer. I arched into his fist and let go.
  "Evan..." I said when I could speak again, "this doesn't mean..."
  He told me to be quiet. I thought that he didn't want to hear what I had to
  say which was of course that I still want to be with Lucius etc.
  I was wrong. We couldn't do much to avoid being found together when I heard
  `Alohomora'. For a few seconds while the door was opening I had flashed into
  Dumbledore telling me I was expelled and father getting a heart attack (the
  second flash wasn't so bad). It was Jigger. I hoped he'd pretend not to
  notice that we were in a locked cubicle, lying down naked and covered in
  spunk.
  He shook his head. "We've been looking everywhere for you," he said. "We're
  expecting you at dinner."
  We nodded stupidly.
  "After you've cleaned up, of course." He paused while we started to get up
  from the floor. "Hogwarts has been co-ed since the 1930s. I suggest you two
  start taking advantage of that fact." With that he left.
  Did he expect us to eat after this? Rosier lost his nerve and said he
  couldn't face everyone at the table. I sat next to Avery who was nearly
  catatonic despite Lestrange's various attempts at cheering him up. Lucius
  looked at me but didn't sit in the free seat next to me. It occurred to be
  suddenly that what happened between Evan and myself after the game could be
  called cheating. I couldn't eat and excused myself from the table a while
  later. All the Slytherins were so glum that it didn't really make a
  difference.
  I went straight to bed after the ordeal at dinner. Evan was fully under the
  covers. I also hid under my covers, lit my wand and started writing. It's
  been a while. My back aches and my right hand is numb. I'm also hungry.
  10/12/1975
  I need to find a spell to write with my thought. I hear they exist but
  considering how good I am at wandwork... I'd better forget it.
  I went to Evan's bed in the night. He pretended to be asleep but his growling
  stomach gave him away. I convinced him to sneak to the kitchens with me. The
  house elves were delighted to see us. We took some sandwiches and pumpkin
  juice back to our room. We climbed on Evan's bed and ate, then fell asleep.
  It was comfortable but around dawn I slipped back in my own bed. I'd had a
  dream about Lucius coming in the room and finding my bed empty.
***** Severus Snapes Secret Diary: Entries 19-26 *****
Severus Snape's Secret Diary: Entries 19-26
Title: Severus Snape's Secret Diary
Author: Mimine
Pairing: Too many to mention. Mostly SS/LM for now Rating: Big fat NC-17
Disclaimers: Not mine, JKR's.
Archive: Sure, just ask
Entries 19-26
11/12/1975
Lucius was in a foul mood in Potions. Perhaps he's still mad about the game. He
hardly spoke to me. I was very uncomfortable. Feeling Jigger's eyes on me
didn't improve the situation.
I remember when I first met Jigger. Wasn't really the first time, he'd seen me
when I was only a baby but I don't remember that, of course. Father told me I
could make my appearance and then had me prepare the Draught of the Living
Dead. At 7 it was quite a feat, I'm sure. Jigger smiled to me then and said I
did well. Then he ruffled my hair. I'd been going through a phase when father's
entire army of house elves couldn't succeed in making me wash my hair. Jigger
had innocuously wiped his hand on my robes with a wide fake smile.
I think it is a good analogy of how he really feels about me. He wants to do
the fatherly thing but he's the type of man who will wipe his hands when they
touch the grease on my hair. It's not quite that greasy anymore. Still looks
limp but despite what Black and co. say about me I do wash it. I'm not the
right age for ruffling of hair anymore, though.
12/12/1975
What sentimental bollocks I wrote about Jigger! He's such a prick! He made
Lucius work with Julie Parkinson and gave me Goyle. GOYLE of all people. He
asked me how's my little friend. (Meaning Rosier who's been hiding from him
since the game). I told him that if he touched a hair on Evan's head he'd live
to regret it. I felt a coldness as I was saying it. A coldness that told me
that I meant it, I truly could hurt him badly if he did something to Evan. I
felt as though I could really kill him. It was an incredible feeling,
frightening in its intensity.
He laughed and told me that sooner or later my little boyfriend would get what
is coming to him. Loudly. In front of Lucius who frowned at me and yanked at my
arm to get me out of the classroom. I like to think that the bluish mark of his
fingers on my upper arm are born of jealousy. We haven't been together since
before the game. It's this thing about me not wanting to do it in his dormitory
or mine anymore. I want it to be private. Privacy doesn't come by easily in
Hogwarts.
Lucius told me not to push my luck with Goyle. I might know a hex or two but
sheer strength is not to be laughed at. I told him I can take care of myself.
We were sitting together in the Common Room. He hardly raised his voice with me
yet we'd attracted several curious glances. Evan asked me about it but I didn't
tell him anything. I'm not sure it qualifies as a row.
I miss touching Lucius. I miss kissing him. I feel like breaking the rule I set
and sneaking to his dormitory.
Or I could just think of him and take care of things myself. The sounds from
Avery's bed are rather self explanatory. He's never been particularly good at
keeping it quiet ever since he discovered the joys of wanking. The thought of
what he's doing makes me hard. It is a strange since when he's on the ground I
don't find him attractive in the least. Lucius on the other hand... Lucius
making these strangled sounds, stroking his length slowly, languidly... that's
the way I imagine he'd do it. Fuck it, I can't keep writing and wank at the
same time. I've never seen Lucius play with himself. I'll ask for a private
show at the earliest opportunity.
14/12/1975
Hogsmeade. A room over The Golem's Head. No questions asked. Lucius paid of
course. I'm too shagged out to make any sense. Will try giving a detailed
account tomorrow.
15/12/1975
I imagine me old and grey, reading this (and probably playing with myself a
lot). I don't know why I want to write everything. It's not as if I'd show this
to anyone and brag about the things I did. Perhaps I could consider lending it
out as wank material or publishing it one day. I'm sure I'd make good money.
The Malfoys are close to royalty in our world, after all. Perhaps I'd make
better money to not publish my memoirs but that would not include the joy of
sending dear old papa to an early grave. I need to find something catchy:
"My life as Lucius Malfoy's sex slave". Not a bad ring to it. I'm a happy
slave, I must say.
I didn't know what Lucius had planned. I had no great desire to go to Hogsmeade
and follow Lestrange, Avery, Rosier and Wilkes to their usual butterbeer excess
and candystore raids. Lucius found me in the library doing some personal
reading. I still haven't managed to produce untraceable Polyjuice. I did manage
to make irreversible Polyjuice though. I hope Roger's frog and Adrian's owl
will get used to their new bodies at some point. Especially poor Quinn (the
frog-owl) who'd better learn to fly or Adrian will never get any mail again.
Hecate (the owl-frog) is in a worse predicament. That frog trying desperately
to become airborne is making my heart bleed. Roger has got it on suicide watch,
thinking something in his behaviour has made the poor thing want to go splat.
He's taken to carrying "Quinn" everywhere and indulging his every whim (which
now seems to include owl treats). I vowed never to experiment on my friends'
pets again. It will be difficult. After the fourth rat that died on me father
refused to buy me any more pets.
"How is your polyjuice project coming along?" Lucius is very interested in it
since he's counting on polyjuicing me to pass his Potions NEWTS. I know how he
feels since it's my only hope of passing my Transfiguration final exam.
"I suggest you start paying more attention in class," I said glumly.
He laughed. "That badly?"
"I'm at a dead end."
He shrugged. "You'll manage, I'm sure," he said casually propping himself on
the desk to sit on top of my notes. "In the meantime, how about a break?"
"Pardon me?" I said, extracting my hand from under his arse.
He pressed forward until his package was resting against my retreating hand.
"You know what I want," he whispered in a voice that went straight to my prick.
"In here?" I hissed, taking my hand away.
He rolled his eyes and got off the desk. His next movement was so fast he was a
blur. He pulled on my hair. "Anywhere," he whispered hotly in my ear. "I missed
you, you little fuck."
His version of sweet talk made my knees wobbly. I'd let him take me in the
Great Hall if only he kept talking to me like that. I followed him in a daze.
He took me to my room and tied my scarf for me then moved on to my coat. That
was when I finally asked him what he was doing.
At the Golem's Head he took me straight upstairs. The owner of the pub knew
him. For a moment I felt a stab of jealousy at the thought of how many others
Lucius had taken there. It is a rather painful trail of thought.
The room seemed to consist of nothing but a bed. And a rather large mirror.
Luckily, not the talking kind. Lucius undressed me quickly. He didn't let me
touch him as he was doing it. From my coat down to my underwear he removed
everything then just stood and stared at me. I was starkers and he was still
dressed up to the very fetching green scarf around his neck. I reached to make
things a little more even between us but he pulled back.
"I thought you wanted this," I said gruffly.
"I'm trying to understand what I see in you."
His words were the verbal equivalent of a punch to my stomach. I have no
illusions of being some model of male beauty yet I thought that for Lucius to
want to be with me I can't be that ugly.
I tried to reach for something to cover myself, my sight clouding with tears.
He was too quick for me and grabbed both my arms. He pulled me violently to
him. "You intoxicate me," he whispered in my hair.
I gave out something that was very close to a sob. Fine, it was a sob. "Why
can't we just fuck, Lucius? Why do you keep doing this?" I said. I struggled in
his embrace. "One moment you want me, the other you don't... what is it with
you?" He held me tight against his still clothed body, his erection pressing
against my thigh. I thought I heard him apologise to me but it might have been
my imagination. Malfoys do not apologise. He walked me to the bed and pushed me
until I was lying on it, on my back. He took off his clothes quickly, tossing
them haphazardly all over the room. He knelt in front of the bed and reached to
place a kiss on the inside of my thigh. My waning erection started to point
upwards again. He didn't waste too much time licking and biting my thighs and
nuzzling my balls. He knows that it is a prelude that I generally enjoy but
could also do without. I arched when he took me in his mouth until the tip was
hitting the back of his throat. The feeling made me lightheaded. I'm not sure
how it happened but next thing I knew I'd grabbed his hair and was keeping his
head down.
Lucius seemed to enjoy my sudden show of aggression. He held my prick down his
throat swallowing hard around it. He must have been choking when I finally let
go of his hair yet he slid up slowly breathing from his nose. I pulled on his
hair again until he had let my prick completely out with a pop. A thread of
spit linked my head to his lips. I got up from the bed and looked down at him.
It was the most erotic thing I've ever seen in my short yet very active sex
life, filled with many erotic things.
He swallowed my prick again and pressed my hand on his hair. I pulled on it and
next thing I knew I was literally fucking his mouth. I didn't last too long, my
head hitting the back of his throat repeatedly was enough to drive me crazy. It
must have hurt. He's never done anything like that to me but just the thought
would make me panic, thinking I would choke. That's how I see it now but I
couldn't think as I thrust harder and harder in his mouth. I came buried so
deep that my spunk went straight down his throat. He swallowed exhibiting an
amazing ability to go without oxygen. A small fraction of my mental capacities
returned after I came and I pulled out of his slack mouth. I dropped back on
the bed staring at his swollen lips, his heaving chest. I could feel strands of
his silvery hair in my hands. I closed my eyes and then, to my great
embarrassment, I started to cry.
I felt him lie next to me and I turned my back to him. I'm not sure what I
wanted to accomplish with that. I guess I felt that seeing me cry was worse
than only hearing me. He held me from behind, his arms around my waist, his wet
head nudging at my hole. I pressed back and I heard him draw in a sharp breath.
He rubbed against me there, behind my balls, against my opening. He reached
back and opened the drawer on the nightstand. I smelt the lubricant before I
felt it. One of those commercial ones which stank of strawberry. Had he planned
this and asked the innkeeper to equip his room with this particular commodity
or did the innkeeper know him so well that he didn't have to be told? Whatever
it was, it didn't really matter that much then. He raised my leg to get better
access and with a smooth, continuous slide he was in me. I clenched around him,
giving out a sigh. He slapped my thigh.
"None of that," he growled.
He fucked me slowly. He likes it slow. I think he likes to show off exactly how
slow he can go. If he ever lets me top I'm certain I'll fuck up by coming
within seconds.
I backed against him eagerly, trying to get him to pick up speed. He got the
hint at some point. I'd gotten painfully hard by then. I took the hand that
wasn't pulling on my hair to expose my neck for him to nibble (must find a
better concealment charm, by the way, this one is a bitch to cast), and pressed
it on my prick. He did nothing to relieve me, just let me press against his
relaxed palm. He came inside me and I hadn't yet. I moaned in frustration,
using my hand to rub his against my prick. He was too lazy to wank me properly
and let me do that until I came on his hand and on the flowery bedspread.
I inched away from the large wet spot I'd made, crowding him on his side of the
bed. He didn't seem to mind much. I turned until I was facing him, or rather,
his chest to be accurate. Heaving gently with each breath. Sweaty. I noticed
every single detail. Fine hairs, so fair they were almost invisible. Marble
white skin, completely unmarked. Not even a mole, a spot, a freckle, a scar.
Nothing. It is as though he isn't human.
I woke up a while later. Sticky and cold. I joined him in the steamy shower. He
scrubbed me clean. Then he kissed me. He gave me one of those devouring kisses
of his under the hot spray. I bent my legs a little to be kissed properly. I
feel as though I get taller every single day. I'm already taller than Lucius.
Eventually he'll have to pull me down for a kiss. Somehow, I don't see Lucius
letting things come to that.
We had an hour before we would have to make it back to Hogwarts. He got me
cleaned up then shagged me again. I was too tired to master a third erection
but there was some movement, especially when he found my prostate and started
pounding at it mercilessly.
"Could you stay awake long enough for me to get some pleasure out of this?
Despite my many vices I'm not a necrophiliac, Severus."
I like it how he never shortens my name. And that way he says it, how he drags
the first e. No one says my name like he does. I mumbled something to assure
him that I was indeed awake (half a hemisphere, perhaps, I had already started
to dream. We were flying in the dream. He was fucking me and we were flying up
on the air. No broomstick, nothing. We were simply flying).
I sleepwalked through everything else that happened that afternoon. He half
carried me to the shower where we washed again. Then he dragged me back to the
room where he dressed me (foregoing one sock which he didn't manage to find)
and then he walked with me to the school. The sun had nearly set. I think that
he left me in the Common Room and I somehow found my way to my bed from there.
I even wrote something in my diary. Looking back to it, it even makes sense,
sort of. It must be that automatic writing I remember Vablatsky talking about.
16/12/1975
Hurt looks from Evan who is still not over the fact that I didn't want to go to
Hogsmeade with him and the others but had no objection to going with Lucius. I
don't know what to do about that. I took him aside and told him that if he
wants us to be friends he must accept that I am with Lucius. That I like being
with Lucius. That I needed to go to Hogsmeade with Lucius quite simply to fuck.
I didn't mean to be harsh with Evan, it's the way his eyes get all round and
shiny when he's hurt which undoes me. So I didn't look at his eyes at all.
Evan left me after that without saying anything. He didn't sit with me at
dinner. Lucius didn't either, he was with a bunch of his friends who have made
an art out of ignoring me. I don't have a high enough pedigree for them.
Black and Potter were their usual idiotic selves. I didn't find it that funny
that I had to chase my food. All the roast chickens on the Slytherin table got
up and started running like crazy. At the next opportunity the pumpkin juice on
the Gryffindor table will give Dumbledore's pets the runs for a week. Perhaps I
should also consider itch powder in the next batch of lubricant destined for a
Gryffindor. Perhaps not. I'd hate to ruin my good name. Money is still money,
whatever the source.
18/12/1975
Evan came with a peace offering. His mother sent him some of her homemade
chocolates. As usual, the dark chocolate and sherry ones were for me. She knows
Evan hates them yet still makes them. Evan shrugged at first and said that she
must have forgotten that he doesn't eat those. He's a pathetic liar, pink ears
give him away in a second.
I slipped in his bed where I let him feed me the heady smelling chocolate. I
pretended to bite his fingers. He didn't laugh like he usually does. His breath
hitched and he asked me not to do that. Instead, I licked on his fingers again
and gently bit on the pads. I felt sleepy, chocolate is like a natural drug to
me. He was breathing heavily as I continued suckling on his fingers, stealing
the last drop of sherry from them.
I suppose I'm a horrible tease. How could the simple licking of fingers provoke
such a reaction in Evan? He pressed against me. He was hard as steel. I
casually tossed a leg over his waist bringing in contact our pricks which were
still both trapped in our pyjama bottoms. I was licking and gently biting his
palm as we rocked slowly. He came, hardly making a sound, only a heavy sigh
against my neck. I let go as well, muffling a cry against his palm.
I woke up in his bed. Evan said I was sleeping so peacefully he didn't have the
heart to wake me for breakfast. I had barely enough time to shower and make it
to my first class in time. Transfiguration of all things. My growling stomach
made McGonagall tell me that I should Transfigure my mouse to a piece of toast.
The others were turning theirs into teacups. Not a whole lot of difference for
me, it's not as though I could do either.
The best I could produce was a flat mouse to the great hilarity of everyone in
the class.
"I suppose you're not hungry enough, Mr Snape," she said. "Perhaps detention
during lunch would solve that problem?"
"You could starve me for a week and I wouldn't eat a transfigured mouse," I
replied. "And may I remind you that professors are not allowed to give
detention during mealtimes. I understand that with how long you've been
teaching here it must have slipped your mind."
There was laughter from the other Slytherins.
"Silence!" She approached me slowly. "A student who bothers to learn the
regulations around here is a rare sight. I only wish you would be that
assiduous in my class. Detention for you after dinner. And you won't leave my
office until you have transfigured your mouse to anything that doesn't look
like a mouse."
She let me go after I had managed to make a perfume bottle. She handled the
counter transformation herself, she said she didn't want to spend what was left
of her night in my company. "That makes two of us," I said under my breath. I'm
sure she must have heard me but she was too tired to do anything about it.
Back in the Slytherin Common Room Jigger admonished me for giving cheek to
McGonagall. I told him that no matter what I do I'm simply no good at
Transfiguration. I read the theory until my brain hurts but when it comes to
the actual thing my wand simply doesn't obey. I explained all that with a tired
resignation. It wasn't the first time.
"I'll have a talk with Minerva," he said. "The other students said she pushes
you too hard".
I replied that I doubted anything he told her would change the way she is with
me.
He smiled. "She will do it, for me," he said.
Did he mean what I thought he meant? I thought I'd been imagining the way she
looks at him. What he alluded to was too disgusting for my mind to wrap around.
She fancies him? It's not that he's bad looking, quite the opposite if you go
for the tall and dark kind. He has very aristocratic features, only his lips
are a little on the thin side. And they're just about the same age. It's just
that... the Head of Slytherin and the Head of Gryffindor... it's too strange.
And she's such a frigid, bug-eyed, bitch! I can't picture her in bed with
anyone. There were rumours about her and Dumbledore but even the headmaster has
more sex appeal than she does.
I suppose it must be because I'm queer. Perhaps if I fancied girls I'd be able
to see McGonagall that way. No, it's still too disgusting. Is Jigger really
that hard pressed for sex? Or is he toying with her and getting what he can out
of her interest in him? (would be the Slytherin thing to do). I like to think
it is the latter.
19/12/1975
Father's present got here. Dress robes. At least two sizes too small. He only
has one son, can't he get my size right? Is it too much to ask?
Evan didn't laugh when I showed my present to him. He got this look of sickly
sympathy that I hate but quickly recovered. I think he has understood that even
though I laugh at my father's antics I don't want others to laugh at him or
make light of his fathering abilities. It is a right I reserve for myself. Evan
respects that. Oddly, Lestrange has sown similar tact. They decided we should
have a party before they leave for the holidays. I believe there will be heavy
drinking involved.
20/12/975
It would be a good idea to have the hangover cure ready before the hangover
since it is not an ideal state for potion brewing. We had a very successful
Slytherin fifth year bash. Some Ravenclaws were also invited but most of them
didn't come. Slytherin is not exactly a popular House. Lestrange said that
there was a Gryffindor party as well so faced with a choice most preferred
that. He was angry that a pretty Ravenclaw he's set his sights on didn't come.
It is a fact of life that pretty girls sort in Ravenclaw. The opposite is true
of Slytherin girls. Perhaps there would be less queers in Slytherin if our
girls didn't look so much like trolls and other Houses weren't so prejudiced
against us.
I was with Evan most of the night. Lucius made an appearance at some point and
told us we needed to recast our silencing charms. He didn't want to stay. He
said he found the whole affair rather childish. Looking pointedly at me.
Afterwards Evan told me that he had expected me to leave with Lucius. Evan was
very drunk and trying to take advantage of me in front of everyone. I don't
seem to get drunk no matter how much I drink.
The truth is that I had wanted to follow Lucius but I couldn't do that to Evan
and the others. I was partly the reason they organised the party. I told them
that I really don't care that father doesn't want me home for Christmas and for
once I truly did mean it but they wanted me to get my mind off things.
Lucius hadn't looked too happy when I didn't go with him. It looks like I have
some influence on him. It feels good. Lestrange told me his sister who's in the
same year as Lucius said that no one has seen Lucius stay with one person for
so long. She said there's even a betting pool on how along his current affair
will last. I blushed when Adrian told me that and begged him to tell me he was
joking but he said that his sister was dead serious.
I'll go check on my potion. Gods, my head hurts as though I've been hit with a
hammer. My roommates are still in their beds, in a much worse condition. I'll
take some of the potion to them. I hope it's going to work. They have to leave
today.
***** Severus Snapes Secret Diary: Entries 27-36 *****
Severus Snape's Secret Diary Entries 27-36




  Date format is dd/mm/yyyy
  Entries 27-36
  21/12/1975
  It?s so quiet! I love that about Christmas! Lucius came to my bed last night.
  We could be as loud as we wanted. The Bloody Baron paid us a visit and caught
  us in flagrante. He said that if he weren?t already dead we?d have given him
  a heart attack. Lucius told him to sod off and continued riding me hard.
  22/12/1975
  I haven?t seen Lucius at all today. He was with a boy in his year, Stefan
  Delacour. One of those snotty, inbred rich boys that Lucius is so fond of.
  Stefan treats me like something he scraped off his sole most of the time. He
  and Lucius usually speak French ? very rapdily and using slang that I don?t
  always catch. Lucius has known Stefan for a very long time. Lucius? father
  interceded and had Stefan come to Hogwarts after he?d been kicked out of
  Beauxbatons. Dumbledore is always willing to take on a lost case but I?m not
  sure he made the right choice in accepting Stefan. I don?t like him. He tried
  his veela charms on me to get me to make him some ?pick me up? potion. The
  kind that could have me end up in Azkaban. I told him to forget about it and
  turn off the fuck-me vibes because they?re not working. He then offered to
  pay me a ?vewy laz sum? which I also declined.
  It is odd that Lucius should have me running after him while Stefan, who is
  more traditionally handsome than Lucius, not to mention half-veela, should
  leave me cold. I have no explanation.
  I was sitting in the Common Room, curled up in one of the armchairs,
  pretending to be reading a book and stealing glances at them. Lucius seemed
  not to have noticed me. He was touching the other boy at times as they talked
  animatedly about something I didn?t catch.
  I didn?t go to dinner. Lucius would probably ignore me there too and I can?t
  take that now that there so few students around. I don?t understand this. He
  is supposed to have stayed during the holidays so we could be together. The
  other night was wonderful, what is wrong with him?
  Did I do something? Is something wrong with me?
  23/12/1975
  Lucius ambushed me on my way to the library. I tried to be cold to him but
  that?s not easy to do when he is nibbling on my earlobe and touching me all
  over. He dragged me in a lesser used side passage. His hands were all over my
  body, pinching my nipples through my pullover, stroking me even as they made
  their way into my trousers.
  ?Lucius, couldn?t you wait until tonight?? I whined. I wanted him back in my
  bed, taking me as he had two nights ago ? had it only been two nights? Seemed
  like forever . .
  He was too busy licking at my chin to answer. He started wanking me as he
  pressed his prick against my thigh, and one of this elegant hands reached
  back and cupped my arse. All the while, he continued rubbing against me, his
  erection hot on my leg.
  ?You little bastard,? he murmured. ?You drive me crazy. I woke up hard this
  morning. I tried everything, you know? I turned around and started humping my
  sheets but it didn?t work. I wanked in the shower, nothing. I?ve been going
  around with this, looking for you. And I can?t fuck you. I?d come before I
  could get it in.?
  His harsh voice against my ear was enough to drive me over the edge. I
  pressed against him and let go. He was still wanking me savagely, as he also
  came a second later, all over my thighs and stomach.
  We stood for almost a minute, trying to catch our breath. Eventually, he
  straightened and pulled away from me. I cleaned us up with my handkerchief,
  taking my time so that I could touch him. Lucius wasn?t looking at me now,
  and I tried to kiss him but he pulled back. He arranged his robes to hide the
  remaining wetness on his trousers and without a word, he walked away from me,
  leaving me alone in the hallway.
  He gets me so high I feel like I?m flying and then brings me crashing down.
  He wasn?t like that at first. I don?t understand what I?ve done that has made
  him so angry with me.
  24/12/1975
  I waited for Lucius all night last night, thinking that after what had
  happened in the library hallway, he would have to see me. But he didn?t come.
  I?m in a bad mood today. Lack of sleep is not the only thing that?s to blame.
  I don?t have anyone to whom I?d show my bad mood. No one cares how I feel.
  Even Jigger who usually notices when I?m missing meals and checks up on me
  hasn?t paid me any attention.
  An owl from Evan cheered me up a little. He sent me my Christmas present.
  Dark green dress robes that fit like a glove. He took into account my request
  that they should be modestly priced. I hope his mother is going to like the
  face cream I made her. I?ve no idea whether it will really work but it smells
  nice and I think that?s what women mostly care about. Evan and his father
  also got potions? what else could they expect from me? Evan?s present came
  along with an account on the developments in his family. As usual, he said,
  his brother was sticking to him like a leech. An utterly infatuated, five
  year old, red-headed leech. Cousin Amaltheia (what were her parents thinking,
  naming her after a mythical goat? Evan says the name fits considering her
  excess facial hair) was everywhere he turned his head. He has a terrible
  feeling that his parents are trying to get the two of them together. I sat
  and wrote Evan a long letter detailing Lucius? treatment of me. I then tore
  it up and wrote to him that I?m having a great time and wish Hogwarts could
  always be this empty. Though I wouldn?t mind having him here. Perhaps also
  Lestrange and Avery. But no one else.
  Almost all Gryffindors have gone home. Only Remus Lupin is here from my year.
  There is also Frank Longbottom from sixth year and a couple of second years I
  don?t know.
  25/12/1975
  Christmas dinner. One big, happy family celebrating that Muggle nonsense. I
  retired early. I couldn?t take the singing anymore.
  I talked to father. He said the new robes look very nice on me. The robes
  Evan sent me, of course. Apparently dear papa forgot that the ones he sent me
  were black ? if he even knew. I suspect that he had someone else pick them
  out. He wished me Merry Christmas. Dumbledore came in as I was wishing my
  father goodnight then screamed ?You fucking git!? to the fire, after his face
  had disappeared. Just the perfect time to have the Headmaster walk in! He
  told me that if there?s anything I want to talk to him about his door is
  always open to me. I shook my head and thanked him for letting me use his
  fire.
  Lucius didn?t come to my bed. I guess I could go to his but I don?t dare. I?m
  afraid of who I might find there.
  26/12/1975
  Jigger dragged me out of bed and got me to go to breakfast. He said that if I
  missed another meal he?d send me to my father. I sat by myself. Lucius was
  with Stefan and his clique. Why do I delude myself? I thought Lucius cared
  about me. It is a little late to bemoan my lost honour. I laughed out loud in
  the table at this thought. Just what I needed? Everyone looking at me as
  though I?ve finally gone over the edge.
  Everyone except Lucius whose eyes were on Stefan.
  I hid in the library after breakfast. As long as I stay away from the
  Herbology section and my memories of things that we?d done there, I?ll be all
  right. Remus Lupin was in the library. He needed a book I had. He was
  surprised I had it since it is a very temperamental tome on Defence against
  the Dark Arts. It normally screams its head off when someone without a
  permission slip touches it but it doesn?t make a sound when I take it. I
  showed some goodwill and let him sit with me. He seemed to appreciate it. He
  tried to make conversation but I didn?t talk to him much. He is a Gryffindor
  after all. I have certain standards.
  27/12/1975
  Once more my silver-haired spider weaves his net and catches me.
  He found me in the Common Room. He sat on the arm of the chair I was sitting
  in. I pretended not to notice him.
  ?Are you mad at me, little Snape??
  ?Don?t call me that,? I said edgily.
  ?Oh, but you are little,? he whispered in my hair and kissed it.
  ?I?m not your fucktoy, Lucius.?
  He got up and sat in the armchair opposite me. ?It talks back,? he said
  sarcastically.
  I buried my nose back in my book. ?Oh, come on, Sevvie,? he said, nudging at
 my leg with his foot.
  ?Fuck off, Luci? I said, without raising my head.
  ?Se-ve-rus,? he singsonged, ?there?s no use in pretending. Come on!?
  ?I?m not in the mood.?
  There was a rustling noise. I snuck a peak over my book. My jaw fell. Lucius
  was quite casually taking his prick out of his trousers.
  ?What am I supposed to do with that, then?? he pouted.
  ?Shove it up your arse.?
  ?Hmmm, not big enough.? He stroked once, slowly. He was almost fully hard.
  I put down my book, all pretence of reading it gone. ?Lucius, put that back
  in, we?re in public.?
  ?There?s no one here,? he answered me, treating himself to another long,
  torturous stroke. He raised his leg and draped it over the arm of the chair
  to give me a better view. I shifted on my seat. My prick was rock hard. I
  guess I do go for visual stimulation. Not to mention that Lucius wanking has
  been a very favourite fantasy of mine for a while. His fist moved slowly, one
  moment the shiny pink head visible, the next hiding under his closed fingers.
  Those very white, very delicate fingers that I have felt on me so many times.
  I was staring openly. I was also drooling until I shut my mouth with a snap.
  I pressed my palm on my erection over my clothes.
  ?Take it out too,? he said breathlessly.
  I couldn?t do it. I was too embarrassed at the thought of anyone walking in.
  Lucius increased his pace, looking at me under his thick eyelashes from time
  to time. A trickle of white fluid smeared his thumb and forefinger. He licked
  it off slowly then went back to what he was doing. He picked up speed,
  straining, starting to sweat.
  ?Do you like what you see??
  I nodded, still shifting in my seat, my prick was so hard it hurt. I could
  feel moisture seep through my underwear to my trousers.
  A few more strokes and he breathed in deeply as jets of white fluid soiled
  his expensive clothes.
  Afterwards, he casually picked up his wand and cleaned the mess. I don?t
  trust myself with cleaning charms right after an orgasm but he?s much better
  at wandwork.
  It was an odd thought to be having, staring at my hardly dishevelled lover as
  he casually got up and dusted off an imaginary speck of dust from his
  trousers. He then kissed me, a quick, harsh kiss that left me wanting. I was
  very close, all it would have taken was a touch.
  He didn?t give me that touch. He didn?t come to my bedroom with me as I
  timidly suggested.
  He chuckled as he walked away from me, up the stairs to his dorm room.
  28/12/1975
  I had an owl from Evan. He asked me what?s wrong with me. He said he had a
  strange dream. I need to have a talk with him about his belief in Divination.
  Why couldn?t I love Evan? We?d be best friends who also have sex. Very useful
  and uncomplicated. Nothing like what Lucius is doing to me.
  29/12/1975
  I dragged myself out of bed and went to breakfast. I couldn?t eat but I had
  to nibble on something every time Jigger looked at me. Which was often.
  I asked Jigger for the password to the Potions student lab. He?s in the habit
  of changing it every week. He looked a little embarrassed and told me that I
  didn?t need the password. The gargoyle on the door has gotten so used to me
  it is now giving a hard time to anyone else who wants to use that lab,
  including Jigger.
  I discovered he?d been telling the truth when the gargoyle scolded me about
  how long it?s been since the last time I visited. It was acting like an
  overeager house elf, asking me if everything is to my liking and telling me
  proudly how it had not let other people in my lab. Namely, a young Hufflepuff
  girl who had been reduced to tears after she had tried all passwords she
  could remember and had fled.
  I?m no good at this but I did manage to explain to the doorkeeper that I
  don?t consider this to be my personal lab and that other students are to be
  treated as my guests and shown the same courtesy as me. I felt more than
  stupid explaining all that to a door handle.
  I worked until my eyes started to water and I realised I?d been there for 8
  hours, non stop. My stomach growled reminding me that I?d had no lunch, or
  dinner. I cleaned up at the lab, petted the gargoyle on the way out and
  reminded it of our agreement, then went to bed. Hungry for more than food.
  30/12/1975
  I?m not sure I know the Lucius who came to my bed yesterday. He?d noticed my
  absence at lunch and dinner and brought over some samples of the two meals
  I?d missed. My hunger was stronger than my pride.
  ?Are you making some sort of point by starving yourself, Severus??
  ?Why, Lucius, I didn?t know you cared,? I thought, completely confused. But I
  didn?t say that. Instead, I told him that I?d been too busy working and
  hadn?t noticed the time. Nice, neutral, bollocks answer.
  He propped my pillows on the headboard then sat behind me on my bed, drawing
  me into his arms. I leaned back against him, relishing the smell of him, his
  heat. He was hotter than the rest of him down there and I squirmed against
  him to feel that heat against my backside. He whispered to me that there
  would be time for that later and started to feed me.
  I was like a pet eating off its master?s hand but I didn?t care. It was late,
  I was tired, I was hungry, I didn?t want to think of all the implications. He
  was here, finally, in my room. In my bed.
  With a full stomach my mood improved considerably. I brushed against Lucius
  and found him still hard. I turned to kiss him but he didn?t let me. Instead,
  his fingers sank into my hair, and he pushed me forward until I was on all
  fours in front of him on the bed. Then he started to stroke me all over, my
  hair, the nape of my neck, my shoulderblades. I knew what he wanted and I was
  aching for him, pushing back shamelessly. I?m way beyond shame now. Or pride.
  He brought a hand forward to tweak on my nipples, and I took it, pressing it
  to my mouth. I wanted to see some part ? any part of him, and his lily-white
  hand was good enough. He didn?t let me have it for long, though. He used it
  to start wanking me and I started moving slowly backwards and forwards,
  meeting his fast rhythm. With his other hand he fumbled for the lubricant in
  my bedside drawer. His rhythm on me slowed down as he searched blindly. There
  was a crash followed by an exasperated ?Accio lubricant? as he resorted to
  using his wand. I chuckled.
  He slapped my arse hard. ?Laughing at me, are you?? he said menacingly.
  I gave out another chuckle. ?Punish me,? I said playfully.
  He squeezed my prick so hard I thought I might end up in the Infirmary with a
  very embarrassing tale to share.
  ?No! You like it too much!? However he did bring down his palm hard against
  my skinny haunches once more before sticking a finger in me up to the
  knuckle. No lubricant so it felt like more than just one but I could handle
  it. He took it out as quickly as he?d stuck it in and when it entered me
  again it was slick. Soon two more joined it, stretching me slowly, plunging
  in me in time with his strokes on my prick.
  He undoes me completely. I was moaning something but I have no idea what it
  was. I was rocking against him, back to his fingers, forward to his palm? it
  was exquisite. He replaced his fingers with his prick. He entered me in one
  continuous stroke. I backed against him until I was feeling him so deep in
  me? it was as though I would soon feel him at the back of my throat. A bit of
  a crude image there?
  He went on. Picking up speed, yanking at my prick with increasing urgency. I
  think he wanted me to come before he would, to feel me clench against him,
  then my body relax and open to him even more. He has told me that he loves
  how I feel against him when that happens. It didn?t happen this time, though.
  He came inside me, whisper-screaming in my ear. I came a few seconds later,
  and afterwards found him nibbling on my throat in a rather vampiric show of
  post-coital affection. At least he didn?t bite me while he was coming. That
  can get nasty.
  He cleaned us up with a charm. I prefer cleaning up the traditional way, a
  shower, a wet rag? anything that would involve touching him more. I lay on my
  side and watched him as he started looking for his clothes with very slow,
  reluctant movements.
  You don?t have to leave.I felt the words rise up to my lips but kept them
  back. I wanted to ask him whether I would see him tomorrow, instead but I
  didn?t trust my voice to come out right. I wanted to be casual about it but
  that?s not how I feel.
  He turned to look at me before getting up and leaving. He reached a hand and
  trailed it down my side. I was uneasy, suspecting that he was probably
  counting my ribs. He looked like he wanted to say something but thought
  better of it. He gave me a smile, patted my buttocks affectionately and left
  me.
***** Severus Snapes Secret Diary: Entries 37-45 *****
Severus Snape's Secret Diary Entries 37-45




  Date format is dd/mm/yyyy
  Entries 37-45
  1/1/1976
  What is it that comes over us on New Year's? What's so different? It's just a
  day, really. What will 1976 bring that will be so great? Why do we have to
  think about 1975 and miss it? What's there to miss? Perhaps the time before I
  got in orbit around planet Lucius. Happy, uncomplicated times when a harsh
  word from him would not be a mortal wound.
  He came to me and wished me a happy new year. Isn't he aware of how much it
  depends on him? I wanted a kiss but we were in the Great Hall and even though
  I think too many people know about us already, snogging under their noses
  might be a bit much.
  Will he come? He said he would.
  2.1.1976
  I was asleep when he came to my bed, yesterday. I couldn't wake up
  completely, it was just too late for me.
  He was drunk. I've no idea of where he found the firewhiskey. I can procure
  it at a reasonable price. In fact so low that I hardly make any money, most
  goes to Filch. Which is only fair, he does most of the work, anyway. Lucius
  has never come to me for drink, he seems to have an unending supply.
  I don't like him when he's drunk. He's vicious. Last night he wasn't. He just
  climbed into bed with me and went on and on about burdens and about that sick
  French fuck who was laughing at him. He wouldn't say about what. I suspect it
  was about me.
  He smelt strange. Not just the drink, he smelt like he had been smoking and
  he doesn't smoke. At least I don't think so. And he sounded strange. Almost
  as though he was crying but I couldn't be sure. He wouldn't let me turn to
  face him.
  3.1.1976
  I don't know where to start. I don't know what to think. I keep telling
  myself it was a dream but I don't stay convinced for long.
  I wanted to write a letter to Evan but I don't want him to worry about me.
  Should he be worried about me?
  I need to start somewhere.
  It happened yesterday. He came to me after dinner. I ate alone, he was with
  Stefan again. That sick French fuck he's supposed to hate. He looked at me
  from time to time. A couple of times he smiled. Stefan caught one of my
  answering smiles and gave me a pitying look. His hand disappeared under the
  table. Lucius stopped it after a while. His expression had remained perfectly
  composed. Stefan shot me another look then, full of venom.
  I found it much easier to clear my plate after that.
  Lucius got up. I wondered whether he would acknowledge me as he passed me by.
  I never know what he'll do. I felt his hand between my shoulder blades. He
  spoke without looking at me. I'm not sure what his exact words were. I knew
  the meaning. I always do.
  So less than an hour later, there I was on top of him. Firmly impaled on his
  prick, of course. I doubt he'll ever let me top. I liked having him under me,
  even like that. All white, perfect skin, hair spread on his pillow, the
  silvery gold contrasting with the dark green silk of his sheets... Slytherin
  colours. Slytherins fucking in style.
  He wouldn't move, he didn't even buck under me, letting me fuck myself on
  him. I couldn't feel him as deeply as I wanted but there was some excitement
  at the control I had. He stared up at me, serene as I moved faster and
  faster, as I sweated and begged him to touch me. I had to do that as well,
  press into my fist, as I tried to keep my balance with my other hand.
  Control was not worth the discomfort in my thighs but I couldn't feel the
  burning just then. I'm not much of a sportsman, I'll be the first to admit,
  and it seems that the bedroom is no exception.
  He couldn't remain impassive through it all, not after I came all over myself
  and him, clenching around him hard. I was loud, I just let myself go and
  nearly screamed and there was finally some reaction from him. His nails dug
  into my buttocks as he pressed me down on him. His face contorted and he
  cried out my name. Once. He did, I know he did. He turned and bit on his
  pillow as he released... whatever else he may have said was muffled.
  My legs were cramping but he held on to me so tightly I couldn't move. I lay
  on top of him, bent double, my face pressed on his sweat-soaked hair, which
  had nearly covered the pillow.
  "Lucius," I whispered. "Please let go."
  He didn't seem to hear me so I asked him again. He breathed in sharply, as
  though he had just woken up and practically pushed me off him. I stretched by
  his side on the tiny space he had left me on the bed, careful not to fall
  off.
  He was breathing heavily, his eyes shut, his fists clenched by his sides.
  There was blood on them and I thought for a moment he was clenching so hard
  that the nails had bitten into his flesh but a pair of matching red stripes
  on my bum suggested that it was my blood under his nails.
  I couldn't just stay and look at him. He scared me. I tried to speak to him
  but my throat was dry. He didn't react when I climbed off the bed.
  I stayed under the shower for a while. I wanted my eyes to stop leaking
  before I would face Lucius again. The water was steaming hot but I was
  shivering.
  I was about to finally get out when Lucius joined me. I hadn't heard him and
  I yelped as he drew me to his chest. I nearly lost my balance but he kept us
  both on our feet.
  He pushed me against the tiled wall. My teeth rattled at the impact. His
  whole body was pressing on me from behind. He was semi-hard already. I
  wasn't. I was sore, confused, wet and shivering. Aroused was definitely not
  on the list, yet I bent before him. Why should the simple fact that I felt as
  though he had turned me inside out matter in the least?
  Pain. I didn't think he would do it. No preparation at all, he just shoved it
  inside. He started moving in me and the friction was anything but welcome. I
  couldn't keep back a cry as I felt the skin tear. He pulled on my hair hard
  and pressed again. My skin was wet, raw. I thought I might faint at any
  moment.
  Rape is a harsh word. I will not use it. I didn't ask him to stop. Perhaps
  because I was afraid he wouldn't.
  He reached over and took me in hand but I couldn't oblige him. He kept
  trying... nothing. He buried his face on the nape of my neck. His breath
  hitched. I realised I was not the only one who was crying. However, I was
  much more quiet. I suppose I have father to thank about that.
  He pulled back from me abruptly. I straightened with difficulty, holding onto
  the slippery wall. I couldn't see too well in the steam. He was on his knees,
  still hard, his head bowed.
  There was blood. On me. On him. Pink against the white tiles as water washed
  it away. I didn't need to look to know it was running in a thin rivulet down
  my leg.
  I faced the wall again. I couldn't bare to look at him like that. My
  heartbeat quickened when I felt his hand on the back of my knees, moving up
  to my thighs, stroking the wet skin. It wasn't over.
  His mouth joined in the caress. We must have looked so stupid... There I was,
  leaning on the wall, shivering, bleeding and there he was behind me, stroking
  and kissing his way up with his hands, his mouth, the wet strands of his
  hair.
  He went on, higher and higher... I thought he'd stop at my balls. I don't
  know what former lover found pleasure in getting his balls sucked whole, it's
  certainly not me. A small lick is not unwelcome but the other thing feels
  only a step removed from castration.
  He remembered, it seems, and abandoned the Snape family jewels after a couple
  of licks. And then...
  I didn't know that was possible. I'd never even imagined it. I told him to
  stop, feeling my face flush in embarrassment. My body had a different idea,
  bending, pushing back eagerly into the wet, warm tongue. Soothing on the
  abused skin, a pleasant itch, a sweet pain... I can't describe it.
  He had sense enough to hold me up. My prick was rock hard, the head brushing
  against his arm that he'd slipped around my waist.
  My legs felt as though they'd been deboned. He kept on, pushing his tongue
  inside, fucking me with it. I was open. I was his. Anything he wanted... I
  suspect I was actually telling him all that. I know for sure that I was
  blabbering like an idiot though I don't remember what the hell I was saying.
  He went on forever. Broad swipes of his tongue on the puckered skin followed
  by little thrusts inside. I hardly touched myself and I came, sagging against
  his arm.
  He cleaned me up quickly and carried me to his bed. He was hard. I thought
  he'd want me to reciprocate somehow but he took care of it himself. He kissed
  me as he came.
  I woke up a while later. My arm had fallen asleep under his body. He was
  holding on to me tightly.
  "Don't go!" he murmured.
  I had a sudden urge to somersault around the room but settled for finally
 getting my hand from under him and rubbing it to start the blood flow again.
  Every time I moved he would hold onto me tighter and as much as that pleased
  me, it also kept me from getting any sleep.
  "You're still here," I heard him say during one of my struggles for a
  comfortable position. I was about to say that he was holding on to me so
  tightly I couldn't really go anywhere when he let go, turned his back to me
  and told me to bugger off.
  I shouldn't have let him get away with it but I was too tired and shocked to
  do anything about it, I suppose.
  I wasn't very careful as I was getting back to my dorm. Jigger caught me. A
  very drunk Jigger if my nose was not deceiving me.
  "Making the rounds again, Snape?"
  I mumbled an apology. I was asleep on my feet. He reached and got a hold of
  my robes. He pulled me to him until our noses were almost touching.
  "I'll let you off this time but I would recommend caution. Your father asks
  about you, you know. I'm sure that telling him his son is the belle of the
  Slytherin dormitories would not go too well."
  My, what big teeth you have, Professor Jigger...
  "Tell him whatever you want," I answered, keeping my eyes locked with his.
  I know what I saw in his expression. I know what was making his voice hoarse,
  and it wasn't anger. I took a step forward and felt him against my thigh,
  warm and hard. He pulled back from me, so forcefully he bumped his head on
  the wall behind him.
  "Get out of my sight," he whispered but it may well have been "drop on your
  knees and suck me off," from his tone.
  I left him. Poor Jigger. It seems that he's discovering the paedophile in
  him. Next time he brings up my father I'll know what to do.
  If only all I had to worry about were Jigger... What am I going to do about
  Lucius?
  5/1/1976
  He always does that! He left all homework until the last day! School is
  opening again tomorrow. I asked him whether I could help him so we'd find
  some time to be together but he said no. I wonder what brought on this sudden
  attack of scruples. I think he's lying about being busy. He just doesn't want
  to be with me.
  I just wanted to see him. We wouldn't be doing anything. I didn't like the
  look Pomfrey gave me when I limped past her this morning and I'd rather not
  go to her in need of that sort of medical attention. What would I tell her,
  that I accidentally sat on Lucius' prick?
  6/1/1976
  Evan asked me about Lucius. I told him we're simply fucking. Lestrange also
  expressed a certain interest. I suspect he is participating in the betting
  pool on how long it will be before Lucius moves on.
  Avery asked me for credit. He couldn't pay for his potions essay. Why doesn't
  that surprise me? Since second year Lestrange has been cleaning him out on
  the train. Adrian is not even a particularly good card thief but for someone
  who can spot the Snitch a mile away, Avery still manages to miss what's
  happening under his very nose on the ground. Although his stupidity should
  not be tolerated I gave him credit. I'm too kind for my own good sometimes.
  12/1/1976
  First week back from the holidays was relatively painless. Lucius is still
  avoiding me.
  I'm such a fucking liar... It was hell. It is hell.
  Evan pretends to be concerned for me but I know he hopes it's over. There was
  no big tearful scene with Lucius, he didn't tell me he doesn't want to be
  with me anymore, not in so many words.
  It's been only a week, his friends are back, my friends are back... perhaps
  I'm overreacting.
  15/1/1976
  Avery asked me whether it's over between Lucius and me. I know Lestrange made
  him come and ask me so he'd see what his chances are with that bet.
  Good to know my friends are so compassionate now in my time of need. I hexed
  Avery so he's probably going to report that it is over. He's probably right.
  I only wish someone had told me sooner.
  16/1/1976
  Quidditch practice had an interesting turn today. As Lucius attempted to
  steal the quaffle from Evan, Evan flung himself at him. They both fell off
  their brooms. Luckily Jigger managed to levitate them before they hit the
  ground. Evan was still punching Lucius even as they were slowly landing.
  My Evan? Was that really my Evan? Jigger gave him a week's worth of
  detention, staring pointedly at me. I suspect he knows exactly what my role
  is in all this.
  Lucius refused to go to the Infirmary for his bloody lip and healed it
  himself with a flick of his wand. I tried to get to him to apologise for what
  Evan did but he looked past me and left with Stefan and his other friends.
  17/1/1976
  Evan came to find me at the student lab yesterday evening, exhausted from two
  hours of gutting newts. I was waiting for him. I was angry, I had every right
  to be angry but he looked so miserable I felt my rage evaporate the moment I
  laid eyes on him.
  "You cry in your sleep, you know? You call out his name," were his first
  words, in lieu of explanation or perhaps apology for what he had done.
  I didn't want to believe Evan but I had felt my pillow wet under my cheeks in
  the morning often enough this past week.
  "He doesn't love you, Sev. He doesn't love anyone."
  Suddenly I was seeing two Evans, four... countless. I closed my eyes tightly
  but couldn't stop the torrent that broke through. All of it... the pain, the
  humiliation... it was just too much for me.
  I said everything to Evan. Everything that happened during the holidays. It
  felt as though I were coughing up my insides. He put his arms around me. I
  was doubled over in my chair and he pressed his head on my shoulder and
  stroked my hair until I had stopped snivelling. I doubt he made much sense of
  what I told him.
  He was warm. I needed that warmth. He pushed back my hair and kissed my neck
  gently. I struggled in his arms. I didn't want it to be about that.
  He shushed me and continued moving lower. Kissing, licking, softly biting...
  My neck is very sensitive. I thought I wouldn't react but my body didn't much
  care about the fact that Evan is my friend, first and foremost, and I don't
  want to lead him on.
  I stilled his hand as it reached my crotch. I was hard, he didn't have to
  touch me to know that. And he really shouldn't have read more into it.
  "Relax. I learnt some things during the holidays. One of our servants was
  very accommodating."
  "Not a house elf, I hope."
  He chuckled. "You're disgusting! No, it was our caretaker's son."
  I do not know what expectations the caretaker's son must have had in the
  cocksucking department but Evan's technique left a lot to be desired. He was,
  however, quite enthusiastic.
  I should have stopped him instead of shifting under him, guiding him gently
  and whispering my encouragement. However, I couldn't resist the distraction
  he was offering. He alternated between soft, gentle licks and taking the head
  in his mouth and sucking on it. It took a while, his rhythm was erratic,
  nothing like Lucius?? steady build up.
  Lucius... the thought of him was certainly not helping things at all...
  It got too frustrating. I pushed his head back and stroked myself hard,
  sagging on my chair as I came. I looked around for something to clean me up.
  Evan was staring up at me, in silence. A tear trickled down his cheek to join
  a drop of my spunk. I felt about an inch tall. I cleaned myself up and then
  him. He didn't get up. I tucked myself inside again. I didn't know what to
  say. Evan was still crying silently.
  I heard the door open. That gargoyle is not to be trusted! It had assured
  Evan it wouldn't let anyone in. I should have asked it myself... Evan turned
  his eyes to the floor, pretending to be looking for something.
  It was that Gryffindor fifth year, Remus Lupin, along with another boy from
  his little gang, the fat one... I never remember his name, not that I've had
  much reason to use it, shithead works just fine for me.
  "Looks like we're interrupting something, Remus!" the shithead said with a
  snigger.
  Lupin sniffed the air then gave a long hard look at me and Evan, who was
  slowly getting up.
  I started to gather my things.
  "You don't have to leave, there's room for everyone," Lupin said politely.
  That's him. Always polite. Even to Slytherins. He manages to be polite even
  as he blasts me with his wand at Defence. It's as though he's living in a
  different world, half the time.
  The shithead laughed again and said we should better leave unless we wanted
  an audience. Evan told him to shut the fuck up, raising his fists. Lupin
  ordered his pet shithead to be quiet.
  I could feel Lupin's eyes on me as I quickly cleaned up and left. Evan shook
  off my arm as I was leading him outside. The shithead sniggered again.
  I ate alone. I should be used to it, by now. Avery was a bit unhappy still
  about that hex even though his scales are almost gone now, Lestrange was
  taking Avery's side in this and, understandably, Evan was quite upset about
  what had happened in the Potions lab.
  It seems that my life is one fuck up after the other.
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