Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/7885987. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Underage Fandom: Harry_Potter_-_J.K._Rowling Relationship: Harry_Potter/Severus_Snape Character: Harry_Potter, Severus_Snape Additional Tags: Romance, Humor, Unusual_Sexual_Situation Collections: Ink_Stained_Fingers Stats: Published: 2015-10-22 Words: 2406 ****** Severus Snape And The Magic Bullet ****** by Byrdie Summary Sev & Harry have grownup fun. Any more and I’ll spoil it. Notes This story was originally archived at Ink_Stained_Fingers, which was created in 2002 as a home for Harry Potter slash fiction. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in January 2015. We e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author or artist, please contact me using the e-mail address at the Ink_Stained_Fingers_collection profile. Severus Snape And The Magic Bullet It wasn't supposed to happen. No way, no where, no how. Harry James Potter, a.k.a. "The Boy Who Lived", had fallen totally and unashamedly in love. With one Severus Snape, no less. Hogwarts "Most Hated Potions Master In Two Whole Centuries" and by all accounts, "A Right Slimy Git". Neither of them had planned on it; after all, they'd been at each other's throats from Day One and to even suggest that a mere six years later they'd be all over each other's .... Well, it just shouldn't have happened. But it did. And with the possible exception of Albus Dumbledore, the wizarding world was shocked to its very foundations when, with Hallowe'en less than a week away, word of their affair got out. Lord Voldemort in his secret lair took one look at the front page of the "Daily Prophet" (smuggled regularly by faithful lackey, Lucius Malfoy, so that even while busily plotting dire vengeance and global conquest he wouldn't miss a single issue) and turned scarlet. Then purple. Then paler than all the ghosts and unfed vampires that ever were put together as his malevolent brain overloaded while trying to process and short-circuited itself, completely draining him of his magic. The very magic stolen from his teenage nemesis. He wouldn't be getting it back either, as that particular spell required fresh virgin blood in order to work. And judging by the way the two were twined around each other in the picture -- not to mention those heated looks; the photographer must've used an anti-incendiary potion on the film so it wouldn't spontaneously combust - - that was now out of the question. Along with the much-anticipated Yearly Duel; true, he never won, but there was always hope. The minute his minions realized that their all-powerful Dark Master was now and forever the equivalent of a Squib, or worse, the most inept Muggle charlatan, they couldn't wait to desert him. They all threw themselves on the mercy of the Ministry of Magic, claiming temporary insanity caused by a really bizarre form of Imperius. Not that anyone believed them but it was hard to prove otherwise, what with their ringleader himself having been declared mentally incompetent and unfit to stand trial. Thus was ended the Great Wizard War, without casualties and without curses ... well, almost. Sirius Black let loose with a few choice words regarding his godson's apparently insane decision to take a former Death Eater as a lifemate -- even if Snape really had been a double agent all along. However, the ultimate threat of exile to the couch followed by a visit of unpredictable duration from his mother-in-law, Lucrecia Lupin, worked miracles and he not only agreed to behave civilly and attend the wedding but to march Harry down the aisle as well. That was Shock # 2 for Severus. Shock #1 had been the discovery -- thanks to Neville Longbottom and his exploding cauldron of Veritaserum -- that the sexiest thing ever to walk the hallowed halls of Hogwarts Academy for Wizards & Witches and the heretofore unattainable object of his concealed affections no longer saw him as that nasty, greasy, ugly, ill-tempered old Potions Master who was obsessed with making his students' lives pure hell on earth ... even if the rumors were true and it was all some twisted plot to make them actually learn something besides Quidditch. No, to his wild delight -- and the Slytherin's great dismay, the Gryffindor's complete chagrin and the absolute confoundment of the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws -- Harry Potter openly declared him a walking sex god, offered himself as both high priest and virgin sacrifice, and in very explicit terms told everybody else to get their grubby little paws off his property. Especially Draco Malfoy, who couldn't keep it in his pants to save his life, and Hermione Granger, on the prowl for fresh man meat ever since her last big spat with Ron. Thrilled and captivated by his masterful young love, Severus proposed and was accepted on the spot. They sealed their pledge with a kiss that threatened to set off every fire alarm, magical or otherwise, within a thirty mile radius. Suddenly, for the first time in a long time, all was right with the world. Shock # 3 came on the day before the wedding. That afternoon Harry practically bounced into the bedroom of their cosy little off-campus cottage with the cheerful announcement they'd be honeymooning in Los Vegas. Not exactly his style, but Severus decided he could live with it; after all it was only two weeks. He smiled indulgently at his beloved, thinking a mere fortnight was little enough in exchange for what promised to be an eternity of bliss. Then Harry showed him the first class airplane tickets and for the first time ever that he wasn't drunk, sick or ensorcelled his head swam and he nearly passed out. Muggle Los Vegas? For two whole weeks? Merlin have mercy! "You'll love it, baby, just wait and see," enthused the emerald eyed beauty between licks, nibbles and butterfly kisses to whatever bare Snapeskin he could find. Harry Potter was not at all above using sex kitten wiles to get his own way with a reluctant mate. Severus moaned softly as those talented fingers teased at his nipples then slowly ghosted their way south. His cock twitched in eager anticipation. Lightning-quick, he pounced on the boy and plundered that oh-so-luscious mouth. His right thigh gently pressed what promised to be a very impressive erection. Harry wriggled and squirmed against him, wordlessly demanding more. The temptation to give in almost overwhelmed poor Severus; however he was made of sterner stuff than most mere mortals. "Harry, you know I love you," he replied. "But ... Muggles?!" Even in small doses, they got on his nerves. Harry's only response was a very wicked grin. Then he flipped his dear Sevvie right over and straddled him, wantonly rubbing his pert little rump against the hard, thick, throbbing bulge in his lover's black robes. Tore open those robes, revealing a veritable feast of Snapeflesh. So many delicious bits! Where to start? A pretty pink rosebud nipple all nestled in dark downy curls caught his attention. Begged to be bitten and sucked. Happily he obliged, then sought out its companion for equally tender treatment. By now Severus was writhing and whimpering, his painfully stiff prick drooling against his belly. His young lover pulled back to survey his handiwork. "You are so beautiful!" Harry exclaimed. "I just love how sensitive you are. Bet I could make you come just playing with your titties." His wicked grin became a full-fledged leer as he spelled open a concealed cupboard in the headboard of their bed. "But right now, I have something else in mind," he added, rummaging through an astounding assortment of toys. There were cockrings and butt plugs galore, dildoes of all sizes, shapes and colours, both plain and studded. Ball spreaders, phoenix feathers and magical vibrators. Edible body paints and flavored pleasure oils -- beans weren't the only thing Botts made. "Now where did I ... ah, little devil! There you are."  His latest acquisition was hiding under two sets of anal beads, one in Gryffindor red, the other bright Slytherin green. Fishing it out by the tail, he let it dangle just under his frustrated, growling fiance's nose. Severus scowled. "What in Merlin's holy name is that supposed to be?" The that in question was a tiny silver oval, about half the size of a snitch. Only without the wings. He couldn't begin to fathom its purpose; its magical aura was either well-concealed or else it had none. He pouted, irresistably thought Harry, while claiming his lips in a long, breathless kiss. "Oh, just a bullet," came the young man's casual reply. Dark eyes widened with nearly as much puzzlement as lust. Bullets were Muggle inventions. Which usually belonged in .... "So where, may I ask, is the gun?" His lover beamed, bright eyes dancing with mischief, and suggestively trailed a finger along the underside of his raging, straining hard-on. Severus bit his lip till he nearly drew blood, trying not to scream. Or come. Or both. "It's a battery-operated remote control bullet," Harry explained. To Snape it might as well have been parseltongue, for all the sense it made. "And it doesn't belong in a gun, lover, it goes right here." The finger, now slick with warm cinnamon pleasure oil, gently stroked his cleft and he spread his legs wide, hoping to entice it to where it would do the most good. "In that sweet, tight, sexy little hole." Snape sputtered. "Y-you....that? Up my arse?!" Harry couldn't be serious. But he was, Severus realized, and though he would've sworn it was impossible (without a potion, anyway) he found himself getting even harder at the thought. "Uh-huh." So much for eloquence. However it couldn't really be helped, what with all the blood having rushed to Harry's other head. He cast one of the first bits of wandless magic he'd ever learned -- a nudity spell -- not a second too soon. Generously endowed, though nowhere near Sev's porn star proportions, his own red hot ramrod had nearly burst right on through the skintight indigo jeans he'd been wearing underneath his wizard robes. His hand, the one not busy tormenting Severus, clamped tightly around the base of his cock so as to delay its threatening eruption. Harry wanted to come on his lover, not his underwear; he'd done more than enough of that before they'd gotten together, thank you very much. Faking a deliberately bad John Wayne accent -- last summer Arthur Weasley had gotten hold of a VCR and managed to hook him on old Muggle movies -- he drawled. "So whaddya say, pilgrim? Gonna let me load that there canon?" Severus did not dare laugh. Not that it wasn't funny, although he admittedly hadn't the foggiest notion as to whom his mate was mimicking, but if he laughed right now he just knew he'd come. And he wanted Harry to at least be touching him when that happened. But his eyes smiled his amusement and he lifted his legs as high as he could, canting his hips to give full access. More teasing; much to Snape's annoyance he now knew how Longbottom's poor cauldrons must feel right before they blow up as the device was ... finally! ... inserted. It went deep inside him, leaving only about an inch or so of cord exposed. Harry's lips brushed his opening. Lightly he patted his lover's flank, a signal that he was all done. Severus let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding in his efforts to avoid climax. He gave his backside a couple of experimental wiggles that got his young husband-to-be even more hot and bothered and felt ... Absolutely nothing. He blinked. That couldn't be right. Then again, it was a Muggle invention. Which in most cases meant unreliable. Either that, or as he used to do in Potions Class on a fairly regular basis before having his eyesight fixed, Harry had misread the directions. "Are you quite certain you didn't forget something?" he asked, trying to sound unperturbed. Harry considered. "No, I don't think so. Why?" "Because it's ... well, it's not that big a thrill. Why anyone would even want to bother ... I'm sorry, but maybe it's just not meant for wizards. Maybe it works better ..." What came out of his mouth next was an ear-splitting shriek. Sev's whole body arched right off the bed as he nearly levitated from the assault on his prostate gland. Talk about magic! It was as if hundreds of microscopic fingers were suddenly inside of him, thoroughly massaging places that even he didn't know he had. "Ooooooh! Harry! OHMYGOD!!!" A moan, a groan, a yelp. The rest was gibberish. Make that forget about magic. Forget about everything, even his own name. Severus? Who the bloody blazes was that? He didn't know and he didn't give a damn, he decided, falling back into a quivering heap upon the satin sheets when the device was turned off. Harry smirked and stole another kiss. One that had him seeing supernovas. "Not that big a thrill? Are you quite certain?" He giggled, spoiling the effect. Before Snape could answer -- hell, before he even got his breath back and his brain in gear -- the brat mounted him like his favorite Firebolt and switched the bullet back on, this time at even higher speed. It was a wild and glorious ride, with Severus alternately moaning and screaming his pleasure. "YES! Gods, I'm....uggghh! HARRREEEEEEE!!!" Hot semen blasted out of him, bathing his lover's insides. Harry bore down on the Goliath spear on which he'd impaled himself, stroking his own cock hard and fast in time to Sev's erratic thrusts. It wasn't long before he too exploded, thick cream slathering them both. Severus bucked and yelled, an ecstatic howl that would have done a werewolf proud. Again and again his pulsing shaft spat cum into that tight, silky channel. He didn't think it was possible for one human being to produce so much jism -- well, not all at once anyway -- but try telling his dick that. It felt like forever before -- oh bliss! -- he was finally drained. An equally sated Harry collapsed into his arms and they held each other through the aftershocks. Harry was the first to regain his scattered wits. Snape's were still floating around somewhere in the vicinity of Jupiter. No doubt in search of the puddle that used to be his brain. "Well," came the shy, sly remark, "we now know there's at least one Muggle invention that you don't disapprove of." Severus found the strength -- Merlin only knew where! -- to raise an eyebrow, but didn't comment. "And one little toy I definitely won't forget to pack." That got a reaction. "TOY?!" Sev shrieked, fixing poor Harry with a basilisk- freezing glare. "Mister Potter, that infernal machine of yours ought to be registered with the Ministry of Magic as a restricted weapon. And the sooner the better, if you ask me; it's a damn sight more dangerous than any six Unforgivable Curses." The Boy Who Loved Him laughed and started licking him clean. Severus purred, all pretence of annoyance gone. But not forgotten, oh no. A Slytherin was nothing if not patient. He'd have his revenge for this little stunt. Just as soon as he figured out where Harry was hiding the bloody remote. Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!