Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/12193845.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage, No_Archive_Warnings_Apply
  Category:
      F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
  Fandom:
      僕のヒーローアカデミア_|_Boku_no_Hero_Academia_|_My_Hero_Academia
  Relationship:
      Ashido_Mina/Bakugou_Katsuki/Kaminari_Denki/Kirishima_Eijirou/Sero_Hanta,
      Bakugou_Katsuki/Kirishima_Eijirou, Ashido_Mina/Kaminari_Denki/Sero_Hanta,
      Kaminari_Denki/Sero_Hanta, Ashido_Mina/Bakugou_Katsuki, Ashido_Mina/
      Kirishima_Eijirou, Ashido_Mina/Sero_Hanta, Ashido_Mina/Kaminari_Denki,
      Bakugou_Katsuki/Sero_Hanta, Bakugou_Katsuki/Kaminari_Denki, Kirishima
      Eijirou/Sero_Hanta, Kaminari_Denki/Kirishima_Eijirou, Ashido_Mina/Bakugou
      Katsuki/Sero_Hanta, Ashido_Mina/Bakugou_Katsuki/Kirishima_Eijirou,
      Kaminari_Denki/Kirishima_Eijirou/Sero_Hanta, Kirishima_Eijirou/Midoriya
      Izuku, Bakugou_Katsuki/Shouji_Mezou/Tokoyami_Fumikage, Bakugou_Katsuki/
      Tetsutetsu_Tetsutetsu, Bakugou_Katsuki/Uraraka_Ochako, Bakugou_Katsuki/
      Kirishima_Eijirou/Sero_Hanta, Bakugou_Katsuki/Kaminari_Denki/Kirishima
      Eijirou/Sero_Hanta, Ashido_Mina/Kaminari_Denki/Kirishima_Eijirou
  Character:
      Ashido_Mina, Bakugou_Katsuki, Kaminari_Denki, Kirishima_Eijirou, Sero
      Hanta, Uraraka_Ochako, Midoriya_Izuku, Todoroki_Shouto, Iida_Tenya,
      Hagakure_Tooru, Jirou_Kyouka, Tokoyami_Fumikage, Asui_Tsuyu, Yaoyorozu
      Momo, Aoyama_Yuuga, Shouji_Mezou, Tetsutetsu_Tetsutetsu, Satou_Rikidou,
      Shinsou_Hitoshi, Ojiro_Mashirao, Class_1-A_(My_Hero_Academia)
  Additional Tags:
      Sexting, Bets_&_Wagers, Bakusquad, Bakugou_Katsuki_Swears_A_Lot, i'll_add
      more_ships_as_we_go, Dekusquad, Deaf_Character, Sign_Language
  Series:
      Part 1 of You're_not_winking_hard_enough
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-09-26 Completed: 2017-11-17 Chapters: 35/35 Words: 81408
****** Send Nudes Winky Face ******
by thephilosophah
Summary
     In which Kaminari is bad at sexting and the Bakusquad makes a bet
     over it. Then everyone starts betting on them and the stakes rise,
     and Bakugou's so certain he'll naturally win that he doesn't even
     notice how much money he's adding to the pool.
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
***** Kaminari is Betrayed from all Angles *****
"I just think it's rude not to send pictures while sexting!"
Uraraka, from two tables over, spins her head around and shrieks. "What!?"
Kaminari waves his hands in panic. "Sorry! We're having a legit discussion, I
swear."
"No, we're nursing your blue balls", Sero says. He groans and slaps himself
immediately after. "That is by far the worst thing that's ever come out of my
mouth."
Uraraka remains unconvinced. Midoriya is beyond covering his face with his
hands, elbows, or entire arms at this point, and is in the process of
disappearing into his shirt.
"Denki's whining because his idea of sexting is a fuckboy textbook", Bakugou
says.
"Somehow I can see that", Uraraka nods.
"Not you too!" Kaminari cries. "I trusted you!"
"To support your gross sexting habits?"
"Hey, my sexting habits are great, fuck you. Mina, back me up."
Ashido rests a finger on her chin.
"Mina, please."
She hums, eyes trailing to the ceiling as if she's actually giving it thought.
"Ashido!"
"You're decent", she concludes. "Though you do leave some things to be
desired."
Uraraka laughs. Midoriya sinks deeper in his shirt. Kaminari is in near tears.
"Eijirou, my dude, my bro, you'll support me, right?"
"Of course I support you! You have my full support, all the way through."
"I meant about my sexting skills."
Kirishima looks elsewhere. "Well, you definitely try."
"Okay fuck all of you", Kaminari says, turning a finger on each of his
datemates on the couches.
"Not when you're so utterly terrible at sexting", Bakugou says under his
breath.
"Your enthusiasm is really endearing?" Kirishima tries. "It's super hot!"
"Thanks", Kaminari says. He sniffles loudly.
From the table, Midoriya dares to peek over the collar of his shirt.
"But you could stand to stop asking for pictures", Sero says.
Down goes Midoriya again.
"Maybe I just wanna see your face!" Kaminari cries.
"Probably not when you specifically ask for nudes, though", Ashido says. She
slings an arm over the back of the couch so she won't break her neck to look at
the tables. "Ochako, as an outside observer that isn't trying to get their own
shirt to swallow them, you have to give us your unbiased opinion. What's your
idea of sexting?"
Midoriya mumbles something that might've been a protest.
"It's mostly puns, I'm not gonna lie", Uraraka says, half-turning in her chair.
Sero throws finger guns at her.
"You guys make it sound like all Kaminari does is ask for nudes", she
continues.
"Do not!"
"You kind of do."
"No! Do I? Eijirou?"
"C'mon you guys, stop picking on him. He does send actual texts sometimes."
"Sometimes?"
"No, that's the fucking problem", Bakugou growls. "It's called fucking sexting,
texts are supposed to be the main part of the process. If you want a visual,
fucker, it's called cybering."
"Why the fuck would I cyber when we live in the same building?"
"Exactly! If you can't fucking do words, go door hunting, don't just half-ass
beg for nudes."
"I don't beg", Kaminari says, blushing for once.
Ashido puts a hand on his shoulder. "Honey..."
"I don't!"
"You wouldn't have to, if you were any good at it", Sero laughs. "But you're
not, so you do. Sorry buddy, it's the truth, you're outnumbered."
"Yeah like it's any easy to get nudes out of you fucks!"
Sero waves a hand around. "I mean..."
Kaminari frowns. "No."
Sero shrugs.
"You traitor."
"Please", Bakugou groans, rolling his eyes. "I could get nudes out of everyone
here in the time it took you to get off your ass and succeed in sexting a
single person."
Ashido blinks twice, three times. "Everyone here? Because, uh."
From the tables, Uraraka is fighting tooth and nail not to burst out laughing.
Midoriya is staring at them with utter mortification stitched behind his eyes.
Todoroki, ever silent, raises a single eyebrow.
"Wh- no, fuck you! Die!" Bakugou splutters. "Everyone here, right here, in this
area defined by the couches, are you a fucking moron?"
"I dunno dude, are you telling me you couldn't get Todoroki to send you a
nude?"
"I'd fucking hope not! I don't have enough bleach to wash out my eyes after!"
"You totally have Ochako, though", Ashido laughs.
"I'd rather choke on my goddamn phone, thanks."
"I'd be there, choking with you!" Uraraka calls. She flips him off, and he
flips her off right back.
"I'm sensing a lot of unchecked sexual tension", Kaminari says. "Is there
something you'd like to share with us, Bakugou?"
"Yeah my fucking victory over your pitiful attempts at dirty talk."
"Uh-huh you seem to have that one down."
"Enough to do what you can't, apparently!"
"It's not that big a deal", Ashido says. "I bet I could get nudes out of you
guys too, no sweat."
"I bet fucking double I could do it before you."
Kaminari splutters. "Hey you can't start a fucking bet over me, without me!"
"Actually, I want in, too", Kirishima says. "I think I can get you all to
cooperate before--" he gestures vaguely at Bakugou "--mr. murderkill here."
"Let's make this a five-way bet", Sero says.
"Let's make it a fiveway, period", Ashido winks.
"Hear that? That's a perfect example of sexy puns, take notes, Kaminari."
Kaminari flips Bakugou off.
"Yo, how much are you betting?" Uraraka says.
Ashido slaps a two-thousand bill on the table between the couches. "Two!"
"Cool, write me down for one on Mina and one on Bakugou", Uraraka says, digging
her pockets for her wallet.
"Now that's a pool I can get behind!" Kirishima beams. He pulls out two one-
thousands and adds them to the stack of money forming on the table.
"Deku, are you betting?" Uraraka calls from where she's walked over to the
couches.
Midoriya pulls his shirt down and himself upright. "Um, maybe just a bit. Just
one on Kirishima?"
Kirishima gives him heart hands. "Bro, you trust me that much?"
"Well, I think you have the most chances of success, is all", Midoriya says, as
if he didn't just rephrase what Kirishima said. "You have the most charm out of
your group."
"Piss the absolute fuck off, Deku! I'm plenty charming!"
Uraraka slaps him up the back of the head, then runs back to the table before
he can retaliate.
"...Write me down for two on Ashido", Todoroki says.
"They have no faith in us", Kaminari says.
"You, I get, but me?" Sero whines.
"You just don't seem the type, love", Ashido giggles. "They haven't heard you
from behind closed doors."
"The walls are thin enough, unfortunately", Todoroki says. "And I changed my
mind, put my two thousand on Sero, instead." He takes a sip from his drink,
which could be anything from coffee to vodka to pure pineapple juice for all
anyone knows.
Midoriya turns his head slowly to the right. "Todoroki, what have you
heard...?"
Todoroki side-eyes him and continues to sip.
"Nevermind", Midoriya says, covering his face with a hand.
"I feel betrayed", Kaminari says. "I'm the only one no-one bet on."
"We did start the bet because we were dragging your sexting", Sero says.
"There's only three betters", Ashido adds. "If you wanna get bet on, then one
of us would have to not bet on themselves."
"Uraraka bet on two people!"
"Her loss", Bakugou says. "She'll lose half that money either way."
Uraraka squints. "Put the one I had on Bakugou to Mina's."
"Ochako, hun!" Ashido sobs, a single tear rolling down her cheek. "Alright! I
won't let you down! You can count on me!"
Bakugou slaps a five-thousand on the table. "Or you can wail when I make bank."
Ashido rolls her eyes. "You're not making any kind of bank with that attitude,
sweetie."
Bakugou maintains eye contact for a solid ten seconds while he throws one arm
over the back of the couch. Then he leans over to whisper to Kirishima.
Kirishima, for his part, meets him halfway to listen, and progressively grows
redder as Bakugou talks.
"I'm sorry", he says to the rest of them, "I have to go take a nude right now
immediately."
"Sit down", Bakugou laughs, "the bet's not on yet, it won't count."
Kirishima sits, and squirms. "That's so unfair, Katsuki", he whines.
"Uhhh", Kaminari says. Smart. "I can. Safekeep the pool?"
"I'm not trusting you with that kinda money", Sero says, picking the money up
himself. "You're the worst impulse buyer I've ever met. I'll keep it, I have a
whole pocket in my wallet specifically for bet money."
"Great!" Kirishima claps. "Then we can start! We can start, right? Are we on?"
Ashido goes through the trouble of exchanging handshakes with the other
contestants - even if Kirishima's is shaky, clammy and sweaty. "Yeah, we're
on", she says.
Kirishima bolts.
Uraraka finally collapses in laughter.
"Dude", Sero says. "What did you even tell him?"
Bakugou winks and back walks to the elevators. "I'll tell you after I win the
bet."
 
 
In the group chat the five of them share, a pair of messages pop up after a
minute:
/murder: im officially in the lead eat shit you fucks
/RR: can confirm!
The rest are a little too shell shocked to respond.
 
 
At dinner, Kirishima has the relaxed face of the well fucked. Bakugou has a
fresh hickey just above his collarbone.
 
 
They have class the next day, and worse yet they have quirk-training class, and
perhaps worst of all, Kaminari is paired with Bakugou. Which is frankly
bullshit, the fucker can fling himself in the air and far from Kaminari's
reach.
Kaminari, frustrated and in a general hurry to just get it over with, waits for
Bakugou to land - he has to touch ground at some point, right? - and then
discharges his everything straight into the training mats, leather filled with
stuffing more than enough to carry the static across.
He knows he only has a moment, and he makes sure to list the process in that
time: the electricity leaves him. All that he's charged up, and then some. Some
synopses stop firing, and some do so slow they might as well not, and there go
all his higher brain functions.
It all goes fuzzy. His vision narrows. His jaw slackens.
There's people around him. They're far. There's someone close. He knows this
someone. He thinks he knows the other people too, but they're too far.
The people give him a feel of safe.
Their faces do things he knows, but can't understand right now. He gives thumbs
up to let them know he's alright.
A person comes in his field of vision, close enough that he has to blink a few
times to look at them. They put a hand on his shoulder and he pulls back,
dropping his hands. The person tries to grab him again, but he whines and takes
another step back.
The person stops, and instead makes a path with their arms.
He can do that, he follows to where the arms are showing. It brings him closer
to the other people. They're all sitting. On a bench, a couch? Are they sitting
on stairs? He sees an empty spot and sits there with them.
He hears words to his left, and he throws his thumbs up in answer.
He hears a laugh to his right. Turning to look makes him dizzy, and the bench
stops directly next to him. There's no one there. The laugh sounds again, and
he looks up. There's another bench with more people on it.
He gives them thumbs up and a vowel of a word.
A hand lands on his shoulder and he pulls away from it, and he's on the floor.
There's words above him. He looks up and gives thumbs up, because he's fine,
really. He is.
He spends some time putting his parts in a way that doesn't hurt. By the time
he manages to sit cross-legged on the floor, his body has produced enough
electricity of its own for him to have a regular train of thought.
He's still not quite focused to follow what's happening in the current match.
He can barely get who's fighting who. Whom. It's whom, there, and thinking is
slow.
He closes his mouth and wipes the drool off his chin.
"Kaminari, are you okay?" comes a voice from his left and above.
He turns and gives thumbs up, not trusting himself to talk when he just managed
to close his mouth. The person says something else, but it doesn't have his
name or the word 'okay' in it so he doesn't get it.
Is it Uraraka he's talking to? He thinks it is, but he's been wrong before. Her
face inspires calm but so does pretty much everyone here. Her hair is light and
her eyes have white in them, so it must be Uraraka, right?
Kaminari runs his tongue over the roof of his mouth a few times, then licks his
lips. He puffs his cheeks, bites his bottom lip, then the top, then his tongue.
"I'm okay", he says, at last.
Uraraka smiles and gives him a thumbs-up. He returns it.
 
 
"Dude!" Sero says later, at the locker room. "That was crazy, I can't believe
you fired a full discharge back there."
"I was tired", Kaminari says, even though it's now that he feels sluggish. "I
didn't wanna continue fighting Baku."
"Yeah you'd fucking better not", Bakugou says from his own locker.
"Yeah but was it worth it, though?"
Kaminari shrugs on his shirt. "It was a little overkill."
"A little?"
"Going stupid isn't as bad as you probably think", Kaminari says, doing up his
buttons. "It's kinda like... I dunno, it fits some drug side-effect
descriptions, to be honest."
"So what, is it like being high?"
"Do I look like I do drugs, man?" Kaminari frowns. "Fuck off."
Iida pops by, fully dressed and loud as ever. "It is wildly inappropriate to
even suggest recreational drug use among your fellow students. Sero, this
doesn't befit U.A. students at all!"
Sero waves a hand. "Yeah sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I'm trying to
understand the side-effects of Denki's quirk a little better."
"Yeah!" Kirishima butts in. "What if he goes over his limit in a real fight? We
should be able to help him!"
"That is indeed admirable!" Iida agrees. "But please make sure you don't press
Kaminari too much. If he wants to share, he will do so at his own time."
Kaminari opens his mouth to speak, then pauses.
All Sero sees is Kaminari's frozen face, staring far.
When Sero turns around to look behind him, he only finds Bakugou slamming his
locker shut to leave the room. Sero turns back to Kaminari, who's taken to
covering his face.
"Okay", Sero says. "What the fuck did you just do?"
"I'll tell you after the bet", Bakugou laughs from the hall.
***** And Then What? *****
Chapter Summary
     the one with the actual sexting(tm), alternatively titled No Pants
Chapter Notes
     this is in chat format, yeah. their usernames are all references to
     their hero names, it's pretty clear who's who
See the end of the chapter for more notes
<DREAM_MEME_DUO>
/sero(p)han: the bet is about nudes only right
/jam-yay: yeh?
/jam-yay: y
/sero(p)han: kinda wanna get down and dirty but also too lazy to move
/jam-yay: ,,,,,wanna sext bro???
/sero(p)han: idk why i even bothered with the bet you prolly forgt abt it
/jam-yay: fuck no i remember
/sero(p)han: lmao you dont sound too opposed
/jam-yay: listen putting the bet in motion wont stop my need for nudes
/jam-yay: im not that much of an asshole
/sero(p)han: and how the fuck do you think youll get the others to send pics???
theyll probably fight you every step of the way just to increase their chances
/jam-yay: 2k isnt that much
/sero(p)han: O MY GOD
/sero(p)han: im so adding to the pool rn
/jam-yay: do u just laze around in yr room w/ your wallet in arm's reach?
/sero(p)han: are you asking what im wearing
/jam-yay: I DID IT WITH MORE CLASS
/sero(p)han: some smooth talker you are
/sero(p)han: i got up, grabbed my wallet, added to the pool, then fucking lied
down again
/sero(p)han: i dont have any pockets on me rn
/jam-yay: dont you fuckn lie to me hanta i know you only own 1 pair of pants w/
out pockets and its too rough to be laying around in
/sero(p)han: im not wearing pants
/jam-yay: well now i feel bad
/jam-yay: like i should take mine off
/sero(p)han: how come? are they
/sero(p)han: constricting?
/jam-yay: yeah constricting my massive boner fuck off
/sero(p)han: lmao
/sero(p)han: take yr pants off
/jam-yay: too late they've already met the floor
/sero(p)han: i was gonna say slowly but tough luck i guess
/sero(p)han: o well its not like i couldve seen it either way
/sero(p)han: tho you do look good when you strip bby
/sero(p)han: slowly i mean
/sero(p)han: tho its a sight to look at even when yr not doing it with purpose
/sero(p)han: you still there denki
/jam-yay: yeah i didn't wanna interrupt
/jam-yay: you had a good ball rolling
/sero(p)han: aww thank
/sero(p)han: youre a good muse
/jam-yay: shouldn't it be the other way around tho?
/jam-yay: i mean have you seen your face when i strip?
/jam-yay: mad inspiring
/jam-yay: you look like a starving man with one foot in a 5-star restaurant
/sero(p)han: yh bby id eat you whole
/jam-yay: okay now you just sound like a thirsty ho
/sero(p)han: i can be hungry and thirsty at the same time
/sero(p)han: i can multitask like that
/jam-yay: you really can't
/sero(p)han: says who
/jam-yay: you, last time you tried to blow me
/sero(p)han: that wasnt that much of a disaster
/jam-yay: honey you got your hand stuck in your pants
/jam-yay: you can't multitask like that
/sero(p)han: hey that couldve easily been avoided if i hadnt been wearing any
pants
/sero(p)han: which im not rn
/jam-yay: listen man if i, of limited brain power, can jerk it while giving
head and wearing pants then you have no excuse
/jam-yay: fuck i could be doing that right now if your ass would just walk
three flights of stairs and two buldings over
/sero(p)han: where the fuck are you
/jam-yay: library
/sero(p)han: are you fucking sexting me from the library
/jam-yay: literally look at my last text
/sero(p)han: fuck youre really not going to send any nudes then
/jam-yay: who's the fuckboi textbook now?
/sero(p)han: YOURE THE ONE WHO SAID THE BET WOULDNT STOP YOU
/jam-yay: exactly
/jam-yay: if losing money won't stop me, you think some public space will?
/sero(p)han: you wouldnt
/jam-yay: not with that attitude i wont
/sero(p)han: shit denki what if you get caught
/jam-yay: there's bathrooms
/jam-yay: tho i'm at the top floor and i'm kinda too bored and horny to move rn
/jam-yay: and im still not wearng any pants
/sero(p)han: youre killing me
/jam-yay: am i?
/jam-yay: what's killing me is that i can't fuck you rn
/jam-yay: i swear to fuck this shitty textbook would look great under your back
/sero(p)han: i refuse to get fucked on a goddamn textbook denki
/sero(p)han: move that away
/jam-yay: why are you coming over?
/sero(p)han: no but if ur gonna send that nude pls dont have the textbook in
frame
/sero(p)han sent [multitasking.jpg]
/jam-yay: aw, so you can do two separate things with your hands!
/jam-yay: tho you're typing kinda slow
/jam-yay sent [notextbookforyoubby.jpg]
/sero(p)han: you didnt
/jam-yay: i have photographic evidence proving i did
/sero(p)han: fuck denki im gone
/jam-yay: yh im almost there too
/jam-yay: really wish we could fuck up here tho
/sero(p)han: maybe we will
/sero(p)han: we can be quiet enough im sure
/sero(p)han: then its just a matter of making it quick
/sero(p)han: i guess i should work on multitasking until then
/sero(p)han: wanna volunteer baby?
/jam-yay: yeah
/jam-yay: okay i'm done
/jam-yay: that was hella
/sero(p)han: ikr
/jam-yay: now that i actually think about it the library truly is a great place
for a fuck
/sero(p)han: the only thing that bums me about the idea is that i wont get to
hear you
/sero(p)han: and you know i love to talk during
/sero(p)han: and after
/sero(p)han: and before
/sero(p)han: and actually just in general
/sero(p)han: i won't get to do that either
/sero(p)han: or scream your name
/sero(p)han: bro did you get kicked out or what?
/jam-yay: i was juggling my pants on
/jam-yay: and i love ur voice
/jam-yay: look, let's try it sometime, and if keeping your mouth shut isn't
worth it, we can just not repeat it
/sero(p)han: that sounds great
/sero(p)han: but also you know whod keep quiet enough for a good fuck in the
library
/jam-yay: bakugou
/sero(p)han: bakugou
/jam-yay: piss off man i just came and i have homework to do don't try to get
me started again
/sero(p)han: maybe baku can help you with your homework
/jam-yay: i don't know if you're being serious or trying to innuedo @ me this
is why emojis were invented
 
 
<TEAM BAKUGOU (PLUS KAMINARI)>
/sero(p)han: 1-1-1-0-0
/alienQueen: what the fuck is that
/sero(p)han: the score
/jam-yay: confirmed
/alienQueen:are we gonna need confirms every time?
/murder: yes
/murder: also your point system sucks it's gotta have number outta four or else
you'd be able to get doubles
/sero(p)han: doubles
/murder: do you know how many nudes i can get out of ei in a day
/RR: depends on how many you're giving me
/murder: one for one
/RR: oh then it's in the dozens if we manage our time right
/alienQueen: you two are like rabbits i swear to fuck
/sero(p)han: how would you get dozens plural??????
/RR: an avarage of six each time keep up hanta
/jam-yay: man why do you never talk like this in person
/RR: i cant stammer when i type
/murder: he talks like this all the time if he's turned on enough
/jam-yay: i know i meant like in a casual conversation when we're joking around
/alienQueen: i rather like him this way actually
/alienQueen: makes his dirty talk all the more special
/RR: shucks you guys
/murder: mina are you telling me hanta's dirty talk isn't special
/alienQueen: no!!
/RR: no!!
/jam-yay: no!!
/sero(p)han: STOP THAT MY BLOODSTREAM IS GONNA FLIP SHIT
/RR: your what why
/sero(p)han: dude i came literally just before i started this conversation and
now youre making me blush like im fucking twelve
/sero(p)han: THATS A LOT OF BLOOD GOING TO VERY SPECIFIC PLACES
/sero(p)han: idk if im lightheaded bc of the afterglow or the blood thing
/murder: on one hand tmi on the other hand didn't you fucking sext denki how
are you having an afterglow
/sero(p)han: it was good
/jam-yay: thanks babe
/sero(p)han: dont you have hw to do
/jam-yay: yh but it's hard, pun intended
/RR: nice
/jam-yay: katsuki won't you help me
/murder: no
/sero(p)han: hey guys unrelated change of topic how do you feel about the
library for a fuckspot y/n??
/alienQueen: y! have you been on the top floor? it's perfect!!
/jam-yay: right??
/murder: i should've strangled the lot of you when i had the chance. DO NOT
fuck in the library
/jam-yay: aww come on katsuki
/jam-yay: we wouldn't bother anyone if we're quiet enough!
/jam-yay: and i know YOU can be
/alienQueen: besides it's like an upgrade of the usual study dates, right???
/sero(p)han: oohhhh hadnt thought of that
/alienQueen: study, fuck, study, sleep, except maybe nap instead of sleep and
then you can wake up and go back to studying again
/RR: we could implement a better reward system for every page of hw done
/murder: fuckin,,,,,,,, forget about it, we're not fucking in the library,,,,
/jam-yay: i mean me and hanta are
/sero(p)han: when tho?
/jam-yay: sometime when the hw is easier than this.... im dying squirtle i'm
stuck on this math problem
/sero(p)han: wait
/sero(p)han: did you fucking offer to fuck me on a goddamn math textbook
/jam-yay: yes
/sero(p)han: i want a divorce
/alienQueen: forget him honey id let you fuck me on a math textbook
/RR: MINA GOING FOR THE KILL
/murder: stop that we want him to finish his hw not get stuck with a boner
/alienQueen: speak for yourself i want that textbook fuck
/murder: dont ever phrase anything like that ever again
/alienQueen: katsuki you gotta know that asking me to stop will make me do it
worse
/alienQueen: especially when it seems like it made you flustered
/murder: did not
/alienQueen: a denial how convincing
/murder: fuck you acid
/alienQueen: great where are you
/murder: ha?
/alienQueen: im dtf bro give me a location and im there in five mins
/murder: south study room in the dorms
/alienQueen: the one that locks?
/murder: the one that locks
/sero(p)han: not to interrupt this glory of a foreplay but the northeast study
room key has been found
/RR: yo it did? when?
/sero(p)han: tsuyu found it last weekend
/RR: insane
/RR: you think we lost them?
/sero(p)han: oh yeah theyre definitely gone
/sero(p)han: the real question is is denki alive
/jam-yay: barely
/RR: i'd be dtf in the library bro
/RR: some other day tho
/jam-yay: yeah, deal
 
 
Ashido paints her nails purple, more blue than pink, in Uraraka's room,
Hagakure on the bed and Midoriya on the floor. Uraraka is at her desk, Iida
next to her, helping her study.
Hagakure asks for Ashido's silver nail polish, and when Ashido stretches to
hand it over, she tenses up, flinches, overbalances, nearly breaks her face on
the floor. Thankfully Hagakure and Midoriya each grab a shoulder and Ashido
gets to keep all the bones in her skull.
"Are you okay?" Hagakure asks, quiet so she won't disturb the studying. "Are
you hurt somewhere?"
"No, you guys caught me, I didn't fall", Ashido says. "Here."
"Thanks, uh, but that's not what I meant." Hagakure unscrews the nail polish
and paints a silver stripe on her thumb. "You look like you pulled something
there."
"Do you want some ice?" Midoriya, ever helpful, offers. "Or we can do some
stretches together, if you'd like."
"You guys are sweet, but I'm fine."
Hagakure's now-painted nail shows where she taps a finger on her cheek. "Are
you sure, hun? You know there's no shame in healing."
Ashido puffs a long-suffering sigh. "I'm fucked", she says.
"Huh?"
"No, I mean I'm literally fucked. I did the do. I danced the horizontal tango,
Tooru, so excuse me if I can't do some movements properly."
From the desk, Uraraka snorts out a laugh. When Ashido turns to look, she finds
Iida statue-still.
"Sorry!" she says, throwing her hands up. "I tried not to talk about it, you
just can't let a thing go!"
Iida clears his throat. "We simply worry for you. But if you're sure you're not
injured, then it really is as fine as you say."
Ashido hums. "Do hickeys count as injuries?"
Hagakure's glittery nails go under Ashido's hair, lifting it this way and that.
"Where?"
"Before you answer that question!" Midoriya scrambles to say, sweating
profusely. "I need to know that I will still be able look at my friends in the
eye."
"Is Bakugou really your friend?"
"I still wanna look him in the eye!"
Ashido purses her lips. "Tooru, I can't answer, or Midoriya here won't be able
to look at Bakugou in the eye."
Midoriya slaps his hands on his face while Uraraka goes 'ooooooh' in the
background.
"But I gotta gossip", Hagakure whines.
Ashido deems Midoriya's eyes closed enough behind his hands. She pats her
thigh.
"Oh!" Hakagure goes. "Ooooooh!"
Iida breaks into sweat. "This is so inappropriate."
"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable", Ashido frowns. "I'm sorry. Though,
emergency exit, we're just talking about it, barely, even! It's not like we're
fucking right here in front of you."
Midoriya lets out a pained whine.
"The fact that it could be more inappropriate does not keep it from being so",
Iida says. "Please at least make sure your company is willing to hear it, next
time."
"Please", Midoriya whines. "Or maybe give us a warning, at the very least.
Especially if Kacchan's involved. Please."
"Will do. Sorry."
 
Chapter End Notes
     did you know the text version of a booty call is quite literally
     called a booty text bc i had to google that
     also, about the chat's names: dream meme duo is sero and kaminari,
     and the team bakugou thing refers to the cavalry battle - hence why
     kaminari is added as an extra
***** The One With The Honorifics *****
Chapter Summary
     i went with the translation that did "bakugou-chan" into "lil baku"
     bc how cute is that
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
The next day during lunch break Hagakure and Jirou both slam their hands down
on Ashido's desk.
"There's a bet going on and you didn't tell me about it!" Hagakure whines. "I
had to hear from Ochako, Mina! You're cruel, you wound me!"
"What's the pool of this bet", Jirou says. "Is it worth my time?"
"We're about two thousand each. Me and Hanta and Eijirou have an extra better
on us. Katsuki went and bet five on himself."
"And I intend to collect!" Bakugou yells from the other side of the class.
"Sure thing, honey!" Ashido yells back, just for the sake of it. "He's not
really in the lead", she tells Hagakure and Jirou.
"What's the bet about?" Jirou asks.
Iida stands up.
Ashido gives him a little salute. "I believe our class prez finds the topic too
inappropriate to discuss in class."
Iida nods with a satisfied smile. Ashido belatedly wonders if he actually knows
what the bet is about, and if he does, where did he find out. Did Uraraka
spill, or did Midoriya? Todoroki probably wouldn't, but Ashido can never be too
sure with him.
"If it's an inappropriate bet, then all the smart money's gotta be on Kaminari,
right?" Jirou says. "He's about the sloppiest flirt ever."
"Is that a compliment or an insult?" Kaminari asks from the next desk over.
"Yes", Jirou says.
"I dunno", Hagakure says, "I feel like Kirishima could charm anyone into
anything."
"I wanna bet a thousand on Lil' Baku", Tsuyu says from behind Ashido. "Where do
I give the money?"
"Over here", Sero offers.
"Asui, is it?" Bakugou says.
"It's Tsuyu."
"Alright Asui don't you ever fucking call me anything with a -chan in it again,
or I burn your goddamn tongue off."
"Brings back bad memories, Bakugou-chan?" Jirou mock-pouts. "Don't worry about
it, Bakugou-chan."
"I will murder you. Stop that."
"Aw, but Bakugou-chan!" Hagakure swoons into Jirou's arms. "You're so
cuuuuuuuute, Bakugou-chan!"
"Murder. All over you. Blood on the floor, scorch marks on the walls. Your
carbonated bones lying dead and shattered on the ground."
Ashido stands up.
Bakugou narrows his eyes. "Don't you fucking start too--"
Ashido grins, one hand coming up to her mouth. "Are you sure?"
"Dead fucking certain."
"Well, that's a shame. Anyway, Hanta-chi, Tsuyu-chan wants to bet on that
fucker over there, we're getting kind of a lot, can you keep track?"
Most of her sentence got lost, however, because as soon as Sero hears his name
like that, he falls in a fit of laughter, curling in himself, kinda giving away
the fact that he's more blushing than amused at the nickname.
"There he goes", Ashido sighs. "Denki-chin, do you--"
"Do not!" Kaminari laugh-screams.
"Ei-chin, can you keep track of the bets?"
"Sure thing, Mina-chi! Let me just get some paper."
And just like that the atmosphere pulls a one-eighty and Ashido sits down with
a flustered giggle. "Yeah, sure."
Kirishima, for his part, giggles as he rips a page from his notebook, his
hundred-watt smile radiating brighter for the blush on his face. "How much is
Tsuyu-chan betting, Mina-chi?"
"She says she's betting one thousand on the asshole, Ei-chin."
"Tsuyu-chan, one thousand on fuckface. And we each had two on ourselves,
right?"
"I think Hanta-chi raised his, actually!"
"I did", Sero answers with a grin, nervous laughter gone, hands not covering
his red red face anymore. "Mark me for five on me."
"Five, then", Kirishima says. He lets his eyes linger on Sero a moment longer
after he speaks. He's not sure how else to communicate that he wants to talk
about nicknames between them later, when the entire class isn't watching, and
when they're not all teaming up against Bakugou.
Ashido, bless her little pink heart, catches on. "And you, Denki-chin?"
"Really don't", Kaminari whines.
"Den-chi", Kirishima laughs under his breath.
"That's somehow worse!" Kaminari yells.
"How much are you betting on yourself, Denki-chin?" Ashido insists.
Kaminari groans, his hands running down his face. "Two's fine."
"Ei-chin, write him down for two."
"Done and done, Mina-chi! Do you think I should raise my stakes, too?"
"Works for me", Ashido shrugs. "I think you have a chance, Ei-chin, and even if
you lose, I'm confident I'll get my money. So mark me down for four on me."
"Mina-chi four on herself, and me, three on myself. Then, the little shit..."
Kirishima looks up from his list to where Bakugou is. "Are you still at five,
assmunch?"
Bakugou is pulling a truly impressive face. "Are you really doing this right
now."
"Answer the question, shitstain", Sero pipes up.
"I will hunt you down first", Bakugou growls.
"Don't you threaten my boyfriend, junkshit", Kaminari says. "Answer the
question."
"He's my boyfriend too, I'll threaten him all I want!"
Ashido stands back up. "Answer the question, Baku-chan."
Bakugou snarls, an angry white-and-red in his mouth. "Yes, I'm still at fucking
five."
The classroom roars.
Uraraka is chanting 'whipped, whipped, whipped', like she has no grasp on her
own mortality in Bakugou's presence.
Kirishima breaks into a face-splitting grin. "Five for Katsuki, then."
"Funny, your name means 'winner' but I get the sense I'm gonna win this one",
Ashido laughs above the monkey jungle the classroom has descended into. "Mark
me for five on me, Ei-chin!"
 
 
"Baku-boy."
"Eijirou I swear to fuck I will launch you into the fucking sun."
"But it fits you so well! Explosion Boy, Baku-boy, c'mon!"
"Pun at me one more time, see what happens."
"Are you going to Baku-splode me?"
"I can't believe you want those to be you last words, carved into your grave
for eternity."
 
 
<TEAM BAKUGOU (PLUS KAMINARI)>
/RR: blasty
/murder: whatup
/RR: you answer to that but you wont answer to bakuboi
/sero(p)han: katsuboi
/jam-yay: katsu-baku-boi
/murder: do you all have death wishes
/alienQueen: blast boi. blasty-chan, baku-blast-boi-chan
/murder: i wont hesitate bitch
/alienQueen: !!BLASTY IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!!!!
/sero(p)han: so he does meme
/murder: of course i meme wtf im dating you
/sero(p)han: bro
/murder: not that meme tho
/sero(p)han: BRO
/jam-yay: bro
/RR: bro
/alienQueen: bro
/murder: STOP
 
Chapter End Notes
     hey i dont speak japanese and there's only so much google can tell me
     so if you're fluent and you see something wrong let me know?
     like i know -chi and -chin are pretty much used by children or
     between girls so i made ashido use them, was that okay?
     and i hope the transition between Full English(tm) and use of
     honorifics was smooth enough, sorry if it wasn't! I swear this is the
     only chapter with honorifics, next chap we're going back
***** Awww, You Do Care *****
Chapter Summary
     there's no common theme between any of the bits here so it's like,
     uh?
     also hagakure knows. she knows everything.
Ashido's phone vibrates once, twice, again, until she pulls it out of her
discarded jacket's pocket to look at the caller ID.
"Oh, it's Tooru", she mutters. "Everyone shut up, I'm answering this."
Kaminari moans even louder, if possible.
"Shut up!" She picks up. "Hey, Tooru."
Kaminari opens his mouth. Ashido runs her thumb along her throat while glaring
at him.
"Hey, Mina! I just remembered, you never told me what the bet was about!"
Sero, bless his little heart, covers Kaminari's mouth with his hand. Ashido
gives him a thumbs up and immediately regrets it, because Sero hisses out a
string of curses that's definitely loud enough for the phone to pick up.
There's silence on the other end of the line. "...Mina, is this a bad time?"
"It's a pretty good time. No wait fuck I mean yes, I'm doing something."
"Someone!" Kaminari and Sero call at the same time.
Hagakure snorts. "Oh my God."
"Shut up!" Ashido mutters. "First of all, fuck you two. No I mean, both of you,
fuck off. Second, Tooru, the bet is which one of us can get nudes out of all
four of the others first. Anything else?"
Hagakure giggles. "No, that's all I called for. I'm betting two on you."
"Thanks, hun."
"Tell Sero and Kaminari they're assholes, but also have fun!"
Ashido sputters. "You're just as much of an asshole as them!"
Hagakure laughs and hangs up.
Ashido puts her phone down on the desk. "You two", she says, "suck so much
ass."
"Not at the moment, baby, no", Sero says.
Ashido facepalms. "I'm hanging out with Baku too much. I think I've forgotten
how to cuss without making it sexual."
"By all means make it sexual", Sero says, or at least tries to say, but
stutters in the middle and buries his face in Kaminari's shoulder, so half the
sentence comes out muffled.
Kaminari bites his lip and finally goes somewhat quiet. He brings a hand up to
clutch at Sero's hair, and there's no doubt he'd use both hands if he didn't
have to support himself.
He lets his lip go, and his voice comes out thin and scratchy. "Maybe don't
pick up the phone when we're fucking."
"I'm", Ashido says, for lack of excuse. She flings her shirt at them. "Shut
up."
The shirt lands on Sero and falls on the bed. Kaminari picks it up and throws
is somewhere behind him. "Got any--- fuck." He throws his head back and groans,
eyes scrunched shut. "Fuck, Hanta. Shit -ah."
"Got any more where that came from?" Sero says, because Sero says that every
single time he's naked when someone else isn't.
Ashido hums, slips her hand back in her pants, and doesn't bother with anything
more.
"Come on", Kaminari whimpers. "Come on come on come on."
Sero shifts a little. Kaminari claws at Sero's back for deal life.
Ashido briefly ponders throwing the rest of her clothes at them. But she really
can't be bothered, and also she's not rude enough to leave a wet spot on Sero's
desk chair. Anyway it's not like her pants are tight enough that she can't move
her hand in them.
She hears the telltale whimper of getting bit and just about comes on the spot.
She can't even tell who bit whom, Kaminari and Sero have fallen into the
'tangled mess of limbs' stage of fuck. But then Sero unsticks his chest from
Kaminari's, curving his bloody back up, and Ashido sees and angry red patch of
skin on Sero's far shoulder.
Kaminari curses under his breath, bites his lip, and the lights flicker.
So does Sero.
So does Ashido.
All three of them take a deep breath at the same time. Then, several breaths
out of sync as they wind down.
Kaminari blinks harsh, one hand coming up to the bridge of his nose. "Did I
discharge?"
"Yeah."
"How much?"
"The light blinked."
"Okay, we're probably fine."
Ashido pulls her hand out of her pants. "What do you mean 'probably'?"
"I mean I did as much I thought I did." Kaminari detaches himself from Sero
with some difficulty. "Nobody should notice."
"You don't think they'll notice the lights flickering?"
"I don't think I flickered anyone else's lights."
Sero hums and lies down face-first. "You flickered my lights, baby."
Kaminari laughs. "Yeah, I'd hope so."
Ashido opens her mouth to answer and is rudely interrupted by all three of
their phones pinging at the same time. She picks hers up again and looks.
"Todoroki sends his regards."
Sero laughs. "Send him a winky face for me."
Ashido taps at her phone for a moment, then it pings again. "He says he wants
to bet another two on you."
Sero laughs. Kaminari humphs.
"Nobody believes in me. I'm gonna be so rich if I win this."
"Baby, Jirou bet on you", Sero says, half-turning on his bed so his face isn't
buried in his pillow.
Kaminari looks at him with sparkles in his eyes. "She did?"
"Yeah. Only one, though."
"Who cares? She bet on me! I could just kiss her right now."
"You probably shouldn't", Sero says. He brings a hand up to his shoulder, where
a direct imprint of Kaminari's teeth has started to darken.
"Yeah", Kaminari drawls. He lies down. "Mina, c'mere."
"I have to use the bathroom real quick, also you're both sweaty and sticky."
Kaminari shrugs and stretches. His hand falls on Ashido's shirt. He picks it up
and puts it on.
"Ew, Denki. You better wash that", she says, pointing with her clean hand as
she stands up.
"That's a laundry mixup waiting to happen."
"If you can't keep track of your own laundry then I give up ownership of that
shirt." She pauses at the doorway to the bathroom. "I don't care if I have to
do a stride of pride in Hanta's shirt."
Sero's face catches fire and he buries it back in his pillow. "Fucking warn me
before you say stuff like that!"
"I'm not even doing it!" Ashido laughs from behind the bathroom door. "I just
mentioned it!"
"Fucking warn me before you do it, too! I'm weak for that stuff, you know
that!"
"If it makes you feel any better", Ashido says as she comes back in the room,
"I'm weak for that stuff too." She sits at the edge of the bed and runs a hand
through Sero's hair.
Kaminari giggles, his eyes going softer the longer she looks at him.
 
 
Kirishima flings himself out of the elevator and into the common area, landing
awkwardly on one of the tables.
"Hey, Hanta", he says with one hand supporting his head like he's posing for a
picture. "Tell me about those texts."
"What texts?" Sero says, partially confused, mostly mourning his Literature
notes that met their untimely death under Kirishima's lovely bicep.
"The Todoroki texts from an hour ago."
Sero blinks. "Uh?"
Kirishima groans, drops the pose and physically drags Sero to one of the study
rooms.
Kaminari and Jirou exchange a confused glance. Ashido furrows her brow.
"The what texts...?" Jirou asks slowly.
"Todoroki mass-texted us earlier because we were being noisy in Hanta's room",
Ashido explains. "Mostly Denki was being noisy."
"Hey piss off, Hanta was writing a goddamn epic with how much he was talking."
Jirou puts her hands up. "That's somehow already TMI. So, Kirishima wasn't
there, but Todoroki didn't know who was, so he mass-texted... what did he mass-
text?"
"Nothing that'd warrant that kinda reaction", Ashido says. "Unless Eijirou just
wants to know why the bet pool grew again? Or maybe he just wants to gossip."
"Speaking of the pool and gossip, Jirou, rumor has it you bet on lil' ol' me?"
Kaminari asks, with feeling.
Jirou flips him off, with feeling.
"He did what?!" Kirishima yells from the study room, with feeling.
Kaminari breaks into sweat.
"What did you do?" Ashido hisses.
The study room's door slams open. Kirishima storms out.
"Eijirou, buddy!" Kaminari says, hands flying every which way. "Hey! How are
you! Did you do something to your hair? You look great!"
Kirishima stands him up and begins dragging him back.
"Ei!" Sero yells from the room. "Come on, man, stop that!"
Much to the horror of every occupant of the common room, when Sero steps out,
he's just barely putting on his shirt. The jacket he was wearing earlier is
nowhere to be found.
"What the fuck!" Kaminari yells. "Ei, what the fuck! Where's his jacket?"
"I'm right here!" Sero screams. "You can fucking ask me directly!"
Kaminari cowers.
Kirishima frowns. "I don't wanna make a scene."
"You already are", Sero says, gestures around him. "Dragging people behind
closed doors is more concerning than saying what you have to say in front of an
audience."
"Are you absolutely sure about that."
"Listen, Ei, if you're looking for decency you asked the wrong person, fucking
keep up." Sero gestures at himself. "No shame here."
"Okay fine. Then what about--"
"It was on purpose!" Sero throws his hands up high.
"That's even worse!"
"No, I mean" -Sero grabs either side of Kirishima's head and stares right into
his eyes- "it was" -he raises his eyebrows- "on purpose."
Kirishima stares back for a few seconds. "Oh", he goes. "Ohhh."
Ashido blinks. "Hold on a minute, is this whole shit about the scratching?"
"Wait, that's what this is about?" Kaminari says. "You had me shitting my pants
here, I thought I actually did something!"
"That's what I'm saying!" Sero says. "Chill your shit, Ei!"
"My shit is plenty chill, fuck you very much", Kirishima says. "My problem here
is none of you fucks thought to clean it properly."
Sero frowns. "We washed it out."
"You have to disinfect it, buddy."
Kaminari facepalms. "I knew I forgot something. Mina, you're supposed to
remember this stuff."
"Why me? I wasn't the one who bled the absolute shit out of Hanta!"
Jirou clears her throat fakely and loudly. "Do you, perhaps, think you could
take this literally anywhere but here?"
Ashido looks at Jirou, then at Yao-momo and Todoroki behind Jirou, at Tsuyu and
Tokoyami and Kouda on the couch, at Aoyama and Shouji on the floor.
"That sounds fair", she says, eventually. "Let's pick up Hanta's jacket and go
clean him up."
 
 
The Sero's-bleeding-back incident is discussed no further, with one exception.
At dinner, Bakugou pats down Sero's back -much to Sero's confusion- and goes on
tiptoes, pulling at the collar of Sero's shirt, to peek down on it.
And then the light pings above Sero's head. "Aww, you worried about me?"
Bakugou noogies the shit out of him.
 
 
<FORCES OF NATURE>
/jam-yay: hey i'm on the roof and i'm about to do something really stupid and i
need a favor
/murder: STOP WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE DOING
/freezerburn: Kaminari, please think this through. If you know it's stupid, why
are you doing it?
/jam-yay: i have to, man. i'm not gonna get better otherwise
/murder: IM ON MY WAY DONT MOVE A MUSCLE
/jam-yay: what? no wtf i didn't even ask you the favor yet
/freezerburn: You can tell me while Bakugou runs.
/jam-yay: but it'd be easier for baku to do it since he's on the way...
/jam-yay: w/e can one of you grab my power banks from my room and bring them up
here in like five mins? but not before tht or you'll get caught in the blast
/murder: is this a fucking quirk training thing
/jam-yay: yh?
/murder: fuckiNG LEAD WITH THAT NEXT TIME YOU MORON
/freezerburn: I was concerned as well, Kaminari. That's no way to phrase
things.
/jam-yay: huh?
/murder: denki you can't just fucking say you're about to do something stupid
on the roof without any context whatsoever
/jam-yay: oh
/jam-yay: OH
/jam-yay: WHAT NO MAN I'M ONLY DOING QUIRK TRAINING
/murder: yeah well i know that NOW, thanks for nothing
/jam-yay: aww were you worried for me katsuki
/freezerburn: Must this happen on this chat?
/jam-yay: wh
/freezerburn: It's. Fine I guess for you to use each other's first names, but
seeing them written is. Absurd. To say the least.
/murder: fuck your comfort if i had to make eye contact with deku while he was
limping to hell and back you have to see my name written
/murder: and denki, for the love of shit, never in your life phrase anything
like that ever again
/jam-yay: but WERE you worried?
/murder: OF COURSE I WAS FUCKING WORRIED I THOUGHT YOU'D DO SOMETHING YOU
COULDN'T UNDO
/jam-yay: you warm my heart <3
/murder: i'll warm your ass
/freezerburn: REALLY
/murder: what? it was an innocent threat. my quirk can start fires, there's
nothing wrong with that
/freezerburn: Okay, now I know you're doing that on purpose.
/freezerburn: I'm not going to fight you, Bakugou.
/murder: worth a shot tho
/pitch: Kaminari Im at the stairs to the roof with your power banks
/pitch: in an unfortunate twist of fate I couldnt find the white one
/pitch: also I can hear you laughing
/jam-yay: okay man i'm gonna spark up
/jam-yay: come out and gimme them when you can't hear the sound anymore
/pitch: and thus I shall wait for such is the fate of the helpful
/murder: you did a fate line three texts ago what's the matter yugioh ran out
of fortune cookies?
/freezerburn: Yugioh?
/murder: he IS the shadow realm
/pitch: wow Bakugou I never thought Id see the day when youd willingly explain
your insults
/pitch: creativity doesnt suit you just stick to what you know
/murder: you're lucky my boyfriend trusts you to give him his speech back or
i'd murder you through the phone
/freezerburn: That's not possible.
/murder: it is if you have enough time and spite
/freezerburn: Have you ever attempted it?
/murder: yes. unfortunately the fucker only got some bruises
/murder: i was short on spite bc of how irrelevant he was
/freezerburn: Was this "fucker", by any chance, Izuku?
/murder: i guess you'll have to ask him or you'll never know
/pitch: I cant hear the crackle of lightning anymore Should I wait before I
come out?
/murder: give him like three seconds
/pitch: okay
/pitch: Im pan
/freezerburn: Ah, a coming out joke! I get it.
/murder: GIVE HIM THE BANKS YOU SHIT
/jam-yay: what up i'm bi as hell
/jam-yay: no wait that's not what we're doing it was tokoyami's joke
/jam-yay: a lovely pun, tokoyami
/pitch: thank you
/pitch: should I stay until you can talk again or are you fine now?
/jam-yay: i'm good man, i've got a cord in my mouth and a phone in my hand
what's the worst that can happen
/murder: dont burn your fucking phone again
/jam-yay: you have no trust in me
/jam-yay: i'm coherent enough to TYPE man, i'm not gonna burn my phone
/freezerburn: Was your training fruitful, Kaminari?
/jam-yay: no dice but i think we have a storm coming
/murder: did you get fucking hit by lightning
/jam-yay: no but the sky is very electric and anyway what i'm getting at is
don't let me charge anything tonight
/jam-yay: just in case i forget
/murder: sure
/freezerburn: I'll try to remind you.
/pitch: Ill keep an eye out as well
 
 
Bakugou makes dinner with Sero draped on his back like a cape.
It's awkward as hell to watch, but Sero's just the right height to be
comfortable and Bakugou's built like a brick so he can lug Sero's weight around
no problem.
Still, no onlookers can watch for long before getting overwhelmed by the need
to look elsewhere.
Eventually Kirishima wanders by and picks up Sero. Sero drapes on him, and
Bakugou is free at last to finish dinner.
 
***** Playing Favourites *****
Chapter Summary
     hey this chapter and the next were going to be one chapter, but
     they're so massive they're impossible to navigate together, so i
     separated them. because they're still two parts of one, i'll post the
     next one right after this one, so it's a double update!
     the dekusquad gets to shine in this chapter, though mostly uraraka
"Who, would you say, has the best dick?"
Ashido does a spittake all over the floor. "Come again?"
Uraraka turns slowly and stares right into Ashido's soul. "Who do you think has
the best dick?"
Normally Ashido wouldn't mind the question, but with her boys on one couch and
Uraraka's boys on the other, Tsuyu on the floor, plus Yao-momo and Jirou to
Ashido's left, that's a bit of a crowd.
"...Explain?"
"I'm being pretty clear, I think", Uraraka humphs. "Who's got the best dick,
Mina?"
"What kinda question is that? More importantly, how much are you paying me for
the answer?"
Uraraka looks to the ceiling as she thinks. "I'll tell you mine if you tell me
yours."
Ashido face-palms. "Do you really just wanna make me choose between my boys?"
"No, actually. Between your boys' dicks."
"That's the worst way to phrase anything ever."
"That's the best way to phrase anything ever", Uraraka winks. "Come on, who's
got the best dick?"
Ashido frowns, sips her soda. "Like, physically?"
"No, like, uh... actually yes, physically. Or, wait. Um. Okay, you get multiple
picks: who's got the best dick physically, who uses it the best, who's just
overall a better lay."
"Now hold the fuck up", Ashido says, one hand going up to ask for pause. "You
have three boys and I've got four. You get to pick a good thing for all of
yours while one of mine will have to be crowned loser."
After some quick math realizing Ashido's right, three of her boys groan and
grumble.
Bakugou laughs.
Uraraka laughs, too. "Now isn't that just a shame."
"Piss off, fine." Ashido looks at her boys on the other couch. Bakugou looks
back, but the other three look elsewhere. "...Eijirou has the best dick,
physically."
"Fuck yes!" Kirishima shouts, jumping up. "I fucking knew it." He sits back
down, sticking his tongue out at his boyfriends. "Suck it, fuckers."
"Is this a 'manly' thing?" Uraraka stage whispers.
"I think he's just glad he's safe from being a loser", Ashido says. "Now come
on, your turn."
"Todoroki."
"Uh?"
"Shouto's dick is physically the best."
"Huh. Really?"
Uraraka raises her eyebrows. "Hey, if you want a demonstration, you'll have to
ask him, not me."
Ashido turns to Todoroki.
"Don't", he says, with feeling.
Ashido shrugs. "Then, uh. Who uses it the best, was it?"
"Who uses his dick the best, Ashido?"
Sero and Kaminari are both sweating at being put on the spot, but their sweat
combined is still less than what's coming out of Midoriya. Poor guy can't
handle vulgar conversations, it seems.
"Denki."
"Goddamn it!" Sero yells at the same time as Kaminari hisses "Yesss."
"I like how you're all accepting Bakugou won't lose", Jirou says hesitantly.
Bakugou shoots her a dagger glare. "Are you fucking surprised?"
"Besides your whole victor shtick, you don't look like much of a lady pleaser,
full offence."
"Please", Sero waves a hand around, "I'm not that disillusioned. Let's just get
it over with."
Ashido prompts Uraraka via elbow to the rib.
"Ow. Tenya."
"Okay, now you've got to be shitting me", Ashido says. "Those two have got to
be the other way around!"
"How would you know? It's not like you've slept with either of them!"
"Because I know Todoroki's quirk and I can make an educated guess! Iida's the
fourth tallest person in our entire class, Ochako, don't you fucking go telling
me size doesn't matter when we have a separate category for usage."
Iida slaps both hands over his face. "Oh my God."
"Hey, we said physically, not just bigger. Wait." Uraraka pulls a face. "What
does Shouto's quirk have to do with anything?"
Ashido shrugs. "He can change temperature at will. That's gotta come in handy,
right? Pun intended."
"Are you telling me you picked Kaminari for his quirk."
Ashido wiggles her eyebrows.
"Is that safe?" Yao-momo asks, with grave concern.
"It is!" Kaminari says. "I googled it. It's also pretty decent training."
"Google isn't always a viable source", Yao-momo argues.
"The human body can easily withstand 45 volts", Kaminari says with the
practiced ease of someone who says a thing a lot. "And I try for about 20 to
30. It's actually pretty fun trying to stay in that limit."
Yao-momo pauses. "Well, that is true. But still, it feels a little... at the
edge of safety."
"Actually, it feels like tingling", Kirishima says. "Works your muscles loose
and all. One time he gave enough of a current that my arm spasmed and I slapped
myself in the face."
"It was hilarous", Ashido says.
"It was weird and funny", Sero says.
"It was fucking embarrassing", Bakugou says.
"It was an accident, how many times do I have to say it!" Kaminari says.
"Fuck!"
Jirou laughs behind her hand. "Figures you'd mess up your own quirk kink,
Kaminari."
"Yo, piss off."
"Were you all there?" Midoriya asks, in mild horror.
"It's called an orgy and it's great", Sero laughs. "Don't you guys ever have
any of those?"
"Um..."
"Who's the best lay?" Uraraka says. Truly a master of misdirection.
"Bakugou. Was that ever in doubt?" Ashido says.
Bakugou hooks both arms over the back of the couch with a grin.
Sero sinks in his seat. "You don't have to fucking rub it in."
"Your turn, Ochako."
"Deku."
Midoriya giggles and hides behind his hands.
Bakugou growls. "Come on, now you're just souring my victory. I have to share a
title with fucking Deku, of all people?"
"I can sweeten your victory if you'd like, honey", Ashido winks.
"I can't believe the fucker got top title and he still complains", Sero
grumbles. "I didn't even get a title to share."
"It was a bit unfair", Ashido says, cocking her head to one side. "I have more
boys than dick titles. Don't you mind, Hanta, love, your mouth is so beyond
competition that it wouldn't be fair to the rest if we included it."
Sero's face catches fire. "Yeah?"
"Yeah! Are you kidding? Where do I even start? Hell, your dirty talk alone is
to die for, to say nothing of your tongue."
"Yeah, baby!" Sero fist pumps the air. "Suck my entire ass", he says to his
boyfriends.
"Yo, we all got something", Kirishima frowns.
"Yours isn't even something you can help!" Sero laughs.
"Fuck you, I won this one", Bakugou says. "Don't try to twist it."
"You got 'overall'", Sero says, airquotes and all. "Each of our things
individually is better."
"No", Bakugou says. "Mina?"
Ashido looks elsewhere. "That's some fine weather we're having."
Bakugou frowns and crosses his arms.
Sero turns to Kaminari. "You're not gonna challenge the validity of my title?"
Kaminari shrugs. "It's not a competition. Hell, I don't even care all that
much, I mean... we all get action on the regular either way."
Sero snorts. "That's true. It's nice to hear you're good at something, though."
"Yeah."
Tsuyu, who Ashido had honestly thought to be asleep against Uraraka's knee,
finally speaks up. "Ochako, hun, does that mean I'm de facto best mouth?"
"I guess it does", Uraraka says. She runs a hand through Tsuyu's hair. "What a
surprise."
Tsuyu croaks a laugh. Her tongue pokes out of her mouth. Ashido is struck with
a very vivid mental image.
"Okay then", Uraraka says, because of course she's not done yet, "let's move on
to kinks."
"Are you actually looking to get murdered?" Bakugou says.
"Come on!" Uraraka says. "I've got you all here and we're already on the topic!
Just say one each, you don't have to list every kink you have."
"Ohhh, Ochako, hun", Ashido says, her elbow driving bruises into Uraraka's
side. "Do tell."
Uraraka flushes a little, tries to hide it with a shrug. "Sexting, I guess?
Jokes and all that." She gestures at her datemates. "They're all pretty smart,
they come up with some great stuff."
Tsuyu puts a finger to her cheek. "My thighs are sensitive, I guess. Can I say
that?"
"Sure? But then we go from kinks to turn-ons... Anyway, Tenya?"
"Overenthusiastic consent and safe sex", Iida says.
"That's pretty vanilla", Ashido complains. "Does it even count?"
"No, hun", Uraraka says. "You don't understand just what 'overenthusiastic'
means here."
"You're pulling a weird face. Now I don't want to know."
"Thank God. What about you, though, Mina?"
"I'm pretty big on marathoning, to be honest. I must be a nightmare in a mono
relationship."
"See, this is why orgies were invented", Kaminari says.
"No, they were invented because your sorry ass takes for-fucking-ever to get up
again", Bakugou says.
"Fuck you, I give good head."
"He does", Sero says. "As best mouth in this relationship, you have to accept
my professional opinion."
"Hanta, love?"
Sero pauses. "Huh?"
"Tell us a kink."
"Oh, right. Dirty talk has got to be around the top."
"For some reason I expected bondage", Uraraka says.
"Piss off", Sero laughs. "Denki?"
"Do I get to say quirk kink? Because, uh, quirk kink."
"Aw, I wanted to say quirk kink", Kirishima frowns.
"Mine is for mine", Kaminari says. "Yours is for all of ours, right?"
"Wait", Uraraka goes, "Do you all use your quirks for sex?"
"I know what you're thinking and shut your mouth", Bakugou says.
"Must be something to get blown by Bakugou--"
Bakugou jumps up and sparks his hands. Kirishima hardens his arms and hooks
them under Bakugou's, holding him back.
"C'mon, man, it's not like it's the first time you've heard that pun."
"Yeah well usually I'm fucking distracted when one of you says it", Bakugou
says, but deflates, falling back in his seat.
Kirishima reclaims his own seat. "So, yeah. I like all my boys' quirks and if
my girl ever figures hers out, I'd be down for that, too."
Ashido facepalms. "Ei, for the last time, we're not using acid as lube."
"But if it's a really really weak solution--"
"Do you want me to melt your dick off!?"
"I can harden, pun intended."
"Your skin is still your skin! A hard surface can't keep the acid from- you
know what, forget it, we've argued about this enough. Let's drill Bakugou for a
kink and never speak of molten dicks again."
"Praise, let's move on", Bakugou growls.
"That's not very surprising", Tsuyu says.
"Fuck off, at least mine is an actual kink."
"I'm", Todoroki begins, and pauses. "I'm kinda stuck at the thing you said
earlier about my quirk."
"The temp play?"
"There's a name for it?"
"Oh, Todoroki, my beautiful, innocent child", Ashido says. "There's a name for
everything."
"Can I also say my thighs are sensitive", Midoriya says from behind a hand,
"please?"
"I kinda like getting pinned", Jirou says. "But that's not any news to many of
you."
"I didn't know that", Todoroki says. "It's news to me."
Jirou shrugs. "The girls knew. And Kaminari and Sero, and I'm pretty sure
Kirishima knew?"
"Um", Yao-momo says. "Clothes?"
"Clothes?"
"Clothes."
"That's fair."
"It's also hot", Jirou winks.
"Right?" Ashido goes. "Help a sister out, tell Hanta clothes can be hot."
"They're sticky and in the way is what they are!" Sero says.
"I'm gonna say something dirty", Ashido says. "Cover your ears if you don't
want to hear it. Hanta, my dear, that's not what you said on Monday. My poor
skirt had so much to live for."
Sero flushes so violently he might as well have exploded. "Hey, fuck off!
Skirts are the exception that validates the rule."
Ashido raises an eyebrow.
"Fuck, alright, I give! Clothes can totally be hot, I was wrong and also a
hypocrite, just don't", he runs a hand down his face, "don't fucking say
anything else."
"Deal", Ashido grins.
"Hanta", Kirishima says slowly. "What the fuck did you do on Monday."
Sero groans. "Leave me alone."
Kirishima turns to Ashido. "Mina, love?"
"I can't say! I made a deal."
"Oh for crying--" Bakugou growls. "Use you fucking imagination, Ei, damn."
Kirishima stares far into the distance for a moment. "Okay, that's fair."
"I'm breaking up with both of you", Sero whines behind his hands. He leans over
to hide his face in Kaminari's shoulder.
"I'm kinda curious, too", Kaminari says softly right into Sero's ear. "But not
so much in front of everyone, more like... how do I convince you for a
demonstration? On me?"
Sero makes an inhuman sound and hides even more of his face.
"You broke him", Ashido says.
"I like that you're being considerate of our friends, Denki", Kirishima laughs.
"I'm not that much of an exhibitionist."
Jirou snorts. "I knew it and it's still shocking every time you just say it
casually like that." She realizes her mistake a moment too late.
"It's shocking?" Kaminari hollers. "Is it shocking, Jirou? Do you find it
shocking? Does it shock you?"
"Stop", she drawls.
"No, really", Bakugou scrunches up his face.
"She punned at me, Katsuki! She punned right at me!"
"She fucking talked and you took it for a pun! She didn't even aim for it!"
"Oh, wait", Ashido says. The light bulb above her head is almost visible.
"Since we've apparently decided shame isn't a concept here, and we're on the
topic anyway, Todoroki... Do the carpets match the drapes?"
The boys all face-palm. Todoroki himself furrows his brows. "...Huh?"
Midoriya groans. "Just. Lift your shirt, Shouto."
Todoroki pauses for a moment, then seems to understand. He lifts his shirt and
Ashido can honestly say she's never in her life been so thrilled to see the
happy trail of someone she wasn't dating.
It's two different colors, split right down the middle between red and white.
Ashido lets out a noise she herself doesn't recognize.
"Okay, that's it", Bakugou growls. "You, put your shirt down and stop being
such a fucking prettyboy around my girlfriend. And you, come on, we're
leaving."
He picks Ashido up, and she climbs in his arms like something out of a wedding
catalog. "Abduct me o possessive jerk", she giggles right in his ear.
"I'm not being possessive", Bakugou says, possessively, as he walks them to the
elevator. "I'm just making sure you know what you have so you don't go hunting
for Icyhot."
"That wouldn't be that bad."
"I am not fucking you if you sleep with someone who Deku fucked."
Over Bakugou's shoulder, Ashido locks eyes with Midoriya. "We should hook you
three up."
Bakugou drops her, and steps in the elevator.
She laughs. "Have fun sulking by yourself", she says. "Or you can wait in my
room? Your choice."
Bakugou slams the button that closes the doors.
When Ashido looks back at her friends, she finds Midoriya has pulled his knees
up to his chest and used the extra limbs to hide his face better. With Iida and
Todoroki leaning down on either side, he does a decent job at disappearing.
"That was kinda mean", Tsuyu says. "But it did confirm a suspicion of ours."
Midoriya whines.
"I'm sorry", Ashido tells him, or uh, she tells what little of him she can see.
"All in good humor, I swear!"
"It was pretty funny", Kaminari says.
"What is your guys' suspicion?" Kirishima says.
"Deku works best in threes", Uraraka giggles.
Ashido does some quick math. "Oh my god-- so that's how you and Todoroki work!
I've always wondered, you don't seem that lovey dovey when it's just you two,
but if Iida or Midoriya are in the picture-- so wait, you've had orgies before,
why were you giving us shit about it?"
Tsuyu lifts a hand. "I don't really... do. It's only been up to three for me,
ribbit."
"We've never had a fiveway", Uraraka admits with some embarrassment, gesturing
between her and her datemates. "It's not really as... all the way as you guys
go."
Sero leans back on the couch and looks to the ceiling. "Huh", he goes. "Now
that I think about it... sometimes it does feel like it's Katsuki with Ei, and
the three of us are separate."
"What?" Kirishima says. "It never feels that way for me! I mean, I guess lately
I haven't had any alone time with you guys, but... Hanta, you have to say this
kind of stuff!"
"It didn't feel like anything was off about us! More like, we're playing
favourites, I guess."
"Mina literally just played favourites between our dicks."
Ashido shrugs. "Look, you guys know I was just poking fun, you're all great
lays. But I have to side with Ei here, you should've said something, Hanta."
Sero shrugs. "Sure."
Kaminari clears his throat. "I'm gonna say it because we're all thinking it
but... could we all go solve this problem real quick in Mina's room, and if
Baku's being an asshole we can just text him to come join us?"
"I'm in!" Kirishima says.
Sero laughs. "Sure. Better Mina's room than mine."
Todoroki cocks his head. "If you know that I can hear everything, why don't you
ever text me to stay away?"
"Speaking of staying away", Ashido says, already pulling her boys to stand up,
"Ochako, Kyouka, you know the drill."
"I'll stay off our floor", Uraraka confirms.
"I'll start blasting music", Jirou sighs.
"You're both precious as the sun itself", Ashido says. "Now if you'll excuse
me, I have some boys to fuck."
On one hand, that was the right thing to say because Sero laughs and Kirishima
makes a happy noise at the back of his throat; on the other hand, it was the
wrong thing to say because Midoriya makes a sound between a groan and a growl
and seemingly his soul leaves his body and ascends to the stratosphere.
 The four of them pile into the elevator and head up.
***** Filth *****
Chapter Summary
     i switched the narrative names to their first names - it felt awkward
     to write their last names for this. we're going back to last names
     for the next chapter tho!
     me, every single time i write smut, without fail: oh yeah i can
     absolutely write a quick fuck,
     me, 6k words later: oh
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
The four of them pile into the elevator and head up.
Mina taps her foot. "Been a while since it's been all five of us."
Hanta leans against the side of the elevator and watches the numbers go up.
"Yeah."
"I'm. Actually kind of eager to see the Monday thing on Denki."
Hanta leans his head on his shoulder. "Yeah."
Eijirou throws a hand around Mina. "You still haven't told us what happened on
Monday."
"Don't say", Denki says, coming up to Eijirou's other side and slipping a hand
in his back pocket. "Surprise me."
"Good thing this is in my room", Mina laughs. "At least we know some of my
skirts fit you."
"See, this is exactly why your room is the best."
"The skirts? And here I thought it was my lack of adjoined neighbors."
Hanta waves a dismissive hand. "Like that's ever stopped us."
"Like that's ever stopped you, you mean. I actually give a shit about my
neighbors."
"Yes hello I'd like to call bullshit on the neighbor situation", Eijirou says.
"I live literal steps away from one my boyfriends and our floor neighbor is the
guy who can make extra ears on his arms?"
"It's like they knew", Denki says with a wave of his fingers.
"Cockblocked by the system", Hanta laughs.
The elevator doors open and they all stumble out and down the hall.
Mina knocks on her own door. "Baku, honey, are you in there?"
"Take a wild fucking guess!" Katsuki says from inside.
Opening the door reveals a grumbly Katsuki lying on his belly on Mina's bed,
scrolling through his phone.
"Oh great, it's a full house."
"Aw, come on, baby", Hanta drawls. "We're gonna get Denki in a skirt!"
"How is that in any way appealing."
"Let me rephrase. We're gonna fuck Denki in a skirt."
Denki snorts. "Come on, man."
"No, you come on", Mina says, pulling Denki to her closet. "Let's see if you
can fit in literally any of my underwear."
Eijirou takes a seat on the bed next to Katsuki. "Whatcha looking at there?"
Katsuki tilts his phone so Eijirou can look. It's a 'top 5 flammable objects in
a teenager's room' list.
"What the fuck."
"I was bored."
Mina pulls Denki out of his pants and into a grey skirt.
Hanta sits on the bed and Katsuki is forced to sit up.
"So when you're bored in any of our rooms you just look for things to set on
fire?"
"You what?" Mina calls from her closet. The effect is ruined by the fact that
she's holding a pair of bright pink panties in each hand.
"I wasn't gonna set anything on fire, god."
"Your search history indicates otherwise."
Katsuki drops his phone on the lush carpet. "Do I shit on your search history,
Hanta?"
"A more important question here is does Mina own any underwear that isn't
pink?" Eijirou asks, apparently distracted.
Mina hears her name and pauses her search. "I'm... under the vague impression I
have a few pairs that are solid black." She pulls out a pair that's indeed
solid black, but when she turns it around she finds a purple heart on it and
groans. "Come on, I know I have some plain ones somewhere."
"Let me look", Denki says, peeking over her shoulder in the drawer.
"Don't you know it's rude to ruffle through a girl's underwear?"
"I'm litearally about to wear that underwear."
Mina pulls out a grey pair, turns it over, finds the words 'Meme Monday'
written in a fancy font in hot pink. "Oh man. Hanta, honey, look."
"Oh man", Hanta confirms.
"Why the hell wasn't I wearing this one? It's perfect!"
"Maybe next Monday."
Denki pulls our a solid black pair. He looks it over, finds no text, no
symbols, no cartoon characters, no patterns at all. A solid black pair of plain
panties. "Finally."
He shuffles out of his boxers and into Mina's panties.
"You look great", Mina confirms. "Lemme just check what I have first." She goes
to rummage around the cabinet behind her bedpost. "Almost outta condoms, guys."
Eijirou groans. "Aw come on, really?"
"I mean I guess I can ask Ochako if--"
"No, fuck that, I'll go get some", Katsuki growls, picking up his phone from
the floor.
"Yeah but you'll have to pass through the common room", Denki frowns, hopping
up to sit on Mina's desk. "Twice."
"I think I'll fucking survive."
"Are you sure you're going to survive direct eye contact with Midoriya when
you're hauling around a box of condoms?" Hanta asks, somehow with a straight
face.
Katsuki thinks about it for a moment, then twists his face. "You know, I think
I'll live."
And he walks out.
Eijirou leans over to Hanta. "Bet you a blowjob he's gonna jump out of his
balcony, go around the building and come up in Mina's balcony just so he won't
have to pass the common room with the box in hand."
"You're on", Hanta says with a shrug. "I kinda missed your cock in my mouth
anyway."
Eijirou lets out a squeal and retreats behind his hands. "Give me some damn
warning before you start!"
"Do you really need more warning than Mina undressing and re-dressing Denki in
her own clothes?"
Mina slips into Hanta's lap. "I could dress you in my own clothes, honey. I
have this shirt that has huge armholes, you'd probably fit your elbows in that.
It's great because if you pull the straps to the center you can get an entire
tit out, no problem."
"Aw, you'd want my tit out?" Hanta says. His hand makes itself comfortable on
Mina's knee. "You warm my heart, and subsequently, my tit. Which is going to be
cold if it's out. I'll have to decline until the weather gets warmer but thanks
for the offer, baby, it's always nice to hear you like my tit and also giving
me your clothes."
Mina shrugs with a smile. "I like seeing my datemates in my clothes, and two of
them are too beefy to fit. I have to make do somehow, Hanta, and I can't
exactly buy an entire new wardrobe of loose-fitting sleeves just for you."
"You've bought at least three separate shirts just so I'd fit in them."
Mina, for lack of better comeback, shoves her tongue down his throat.
A thundering noise comes from outside, but it also might be that Jirou's
playlist switched to something with super bass.
Katsuki knocks on the window and Eijirou gets up to let him in.
"You just won me a bet", Eijirou informs him.
"The fuck?"
"Hanta owes me a blowjob now."
Hanta gives him a thumbs-up without detaching from Mina.
Mina, however, stands up with minimal resistance and claps her hands. "Great,
the gang's all here, we've got condoms and lube, Denki's wearing my clothes, we
can get started." She pulls Denki off her desk and onto Hanta's lap, then sits
in Denki's lap.
She stands back up immediately. "We're too heavy, Hanta, dear, can you-- yeah
okay."
With Hanta's legs spread so Denki is sitting between them instead of on them,
Mina reclaims her position and kisses him slowly.
Hanta scoots back until his back meets the wall, content to watch for now.
"We're doing it again."
"Doing what", Katsuki says, distracted.
"The three of us", Hanta gestures, "and the two of you."
"You know how we could fix that?" Eijirou says while stripping his pants. "You
pay me that bet."
"We could do that", Hanta agrees, crawling over to Eijirou, careful not to kick
Denki in the process.
Over Eijirou's shoulder, he sees Katsuki settle into Mina's pillows.
Hanta sucks face with Eijirou for a minute, then pulls off both their shirts
and starts going down on him.
"Oh", Mina says from somewhere behind him. "Look at that."
Hanta shoots a glance over his shoulder, finds Denki and Mina flushed and
messy-haired, both having turned their heads to watch. "Goddamn", he says, "I
didn't know I'd get an audience. I should charge you guys tickets."
"Maybe it's not a show", Denki says. "Maybe it's a lesson, Best Mouth."
Hanta laughs and pulls Eijirou out of his boxers. "Then take notes."
It seems like he blinks and then next thing he knows, Denki lies back against
the back of Hanta's legs. He turns to look and oh, Mina is mouthing at him
through his (her own) skirt. Hanta tries, really tries to focus on the blowjob
he's actually participating in, but Eijirou himself can't decide which one he
should be watching, and it's not helping that Hanta can see Katsuki all but
drooling as he stares at Mina and Denki.
"Sorry, baby", Hanta says, sitting up. "I'll get you later, okay?"
"No, it's fine", Eijirou says distractedly. He leans in for a kiss almost as an
afterthought.
Hanta turns and picks Denki up so he's leaning against Hanta's chest. He makes
eye contact with Mina, and she flips up Denki's (her own, goddamn, it's her
own) skirt so it bunches at his waist.
"Kinda defeats the purpose, doesn't it", Hanta says, his hands coming around
Denki's middle. "Wanna know what happened on Monday?"
Mina slips Denki's (her own) underwear to the side and takes him in her mouth.
Denki holds his breath. "What did?"
"Well, we fucked", Hanta says -almost laughs- into Denki's ear. "Obviously. Me
and Mina, I mean. But, the thing is, we didn't bother to take anything off." He
grabs fistfuls of the skirt, bunches it up even worse. "I may have been
complaining about it."
Mina shoots him a look that shouldn't be that threatening with her mouth full,
but somehow it is.
"Okay, okay, so I was whining, I wanted to get naked. But see, Mina is a gift,
and also knows about skirts. Baby, do you see what's happening right now?"
Mina smiles around Denki's length and maintains eye contact.
"We made a pretty decent discovery", Hanta purrs in Denki's neck. He plants a
kiss on it, since he's there anyway. "If we're wearing the right clothes, she
can ride me without anyone noticing."
"How the fuck would no-one notice?" Katsuki asks from his side of the bed.
Hanta turns his head and finds him giving Eijirou a handy which, judging my
Eijirou's face, is way too slow and teasing. "Take notes. If I'm wearing loose
pants, say, joggers, I can slip them down in the front while my ass stays more
or less covered. Are you following, baby?"
Katsuki nods, but can't answer because his mouth is currently busy nibbling
hickeys into Eijirou's shoulder.
"And if Mina's wearing a loose enough skirt, she can sit in my lap and none
would be the wiser." He demonstrates by throwing the skirt over Mina's head,
then gathering it back up. "Here's the best part. Grab me the lube."
Katsuki passes the bottle and with it, Hanta slips his hand between himself and
Denki.
Denki throws his head back onto Hanta's shoulder and covers his mouth with a
hand.
Mina sits up, now that Denki's otherwise occupied, and wipes her mouth on her
wrist. "And we don't even have to take anything off. When we're done it's just
a matter of slipping our undies back in place and we're set." She takes her
shirt off, then her pants, then climbs to sit between the two pairs of boys.
"Go on, don't mind me."
She passes Hanta a condom when he asks for it, and offers her shoulder to
Eijirou to lean on when it becomes clear Katsuki just won't finish him. But
then she has to nudge him off so she can finish getting herself naked and
settle on Katsuki's lap until he's equally naked.
Katsuki sucks on her collarbone and he's tall enough that he can't really reach
anything lower without losing a couple of ribs, so he lifts her up by the
waist.
She gets the memo, thankfully, and rises to her knees so Katsuki can lie down.
She hovers above his face, trying to settle her feet so her weight is on her
ankles.
She hears a strangled scream behind her and turns to find that yes, the skirt
does hide the view, but Katsuki was right about one thing - it's easy to notice
what's happening. With the way Denki's moving, there's not much left to the
imagination.
She's distracted, however, when Eijirou throws a leg over Katsuki and straddles
him behind her.
She's further distracted when Katsuki starts eating her out, and she loses the
ability to form long strings of thought when Eijirou brings his hands around
her to pet her chest. She clutches at Katsuki's hair.
She can feel Eijirou's fangs on her shoulder and hear Hanta talking filth
straight to Denki's ear.
She bites her lip and tries not to move so much that Katsuki won't be able to
breathe.
He has one hand helping his mouth and the other on her thigh, and when he slips
that behind her she hears Eijirou gasp. She tries to look. As she turns, her
gaze stutters and gets stuck on Denki - he's half-turned in Hanta's lap and is
trying his damnest to kiss him without breaking their rhythm.
Seems like he's just not flexible enough, though, so he gives up and goes up to
his knees. Hanta whines in Denki's mouth at the loss of contact.
"You know what'd be better than this", Denki breathes.
Hanta makes an inquisive hum.
"Bend over", Denki says, and Mina hides behind her hand at the same time as
Hanta and Eijirou do. Even Katsuki pauses for a moment.
"Baby I can't handle it when you just say stuff like that", Hanta whimpers, but
does as instructed. "You're driving me crazy." He settles his face into his
elbow.
Eijirou takes a hand off Mina to pet Hanta's hair. "You're driving me crazy",
he says. "And all I'm doing is listening."
Denki shuffles out of Mina's panties, bunches them up, and slam dunks them to
the floor.
"Hey", Mina says. "Be careful with that, I put my butt in there."
"Listen as hot as it is it's frankly not worth its trouble", Denki says.
Katsuki apparently decides he's done with being a secondary thought and growls
right into Mina's lips. She damn near bends in half as she hunches over.
She trembles and lifts up. "Sorry, I just. You surprised me."
Katsuki starts making out with her thigh, and eventually she lowers back down
so he can keep going.
Hanta grabs a fistful of her sheets next to her knee, and buries his face
deeper in his arms. "Come on", he says.
"I can't hear you."
"You can hear me just fine you fucking dick", Hanta hisses over his shoulder.
"Will you please just go ahead and fuck me?"
Mina gives one last try to look, but again Katsuki keeps her attention. This
time it doesn't last, though, because she comes grinding on his mouth.
When he doesn't show any signs of stopping, she goes up to her knees and slips
off the bed. The carpet tickles her feet. Her legs are wobbly but there's not
enough room on the bed for five people if one of them is lying down and another
is on all fours.
Speaking of which, the view is great from here. Denki has flipped the front of
his (Mina's) skirt over Hanta's waist so there's not much to see there, but
Hanta's neck and shoulders are beginning to darken with love bites.
The scratches on his arched back aren't healed over completely.
Eijirou takes a moment to appreciate the view before he grabs Katsuki by the
hands to pull him to sit up. With Eijirou still in Katsuki's lap, it seems like
a waste to not kiss when they meet. So they do.
Mina slips back on her bed behind Katsuki, now that there's space there. She
exchanges a look with Eijirou. In a glorious moment of silent communication,
she pulls and holds Katsuki to the side while Eijirou shuffles around.
"Hey", Eijirou says. He pets Hanta's hair until he detaches his face from his
elbow. "Hey, love."
Hanta, for all intents and purposes, proves Mina's opinions right. He takes
Eijirou in his mouth and they both let out a matching pair of sounds so filthy
that Denki sparks.
"Fuck", he says. "Sorry, just--" He bites his lip and lets another trail of
sparks dances around them.
Mina rests against the wall with an arm around Katsuki (with Katuki's head on
her breast...) and watches. Her free hand is on her thigh. She's not sure if
she should move it.
One unexpected effect of being mildly shocked with electrical currents is that
it skyrockets any bodily process you're in the middle of. Sometimes it makes
people slap themselves. More often than not it's just a really good way to sync
up orgasms when Denki's involved.
Denki sparks up one more time, and Eijirou grabs him by the back of the neck to
make out. Thankfully all three of the boys that make up the Eiffel tower
currently on Mina's bed are wearing condoms so pulling the trash can closer is
all it takes to keep the sheets from meeting their bitter end. Hanta pulls both
dicks out of him and takes a few very slow, very deep breaths.
Mina takes count. "Yo, Katsuki." She squishes his face between her hand and her
chest. "Seems like Best Mouth, Best Dick and Best Quirk all do right by their
titles."
Katsuki brings a hand to her thigh. "Uh huh."
"Are you planning on doing right by yours?"
Katsuki snorts and it'd be cute if it didn't tickle her boob in all the right
ways, distracting her from the concept of cuteness. "Then what the fuck is your
title, then?"
"Aw, I can't pick my own title", she says. She pauses to adjust when Katsuki
slips his hand between her thighs. "Use your imagination."
Katsuki hums. "Best Stamina, maybe." He twists his hand and Mina sees stars.
"Stop."
He stops, only pulls back as far as he needs to look at her.
The other three are frozen solid.
She blinks until the stars go away, shakes her head. "Just. Too rough. Too
fast? Fuck. Can't you just fuck me, Katsuki? None of that fancy handwork and
mouthwork you keep showing."
"Don't fucking complain after", Katsuki says, and he holds her shoulders so he
can kiss her and lie her down at the same time. "I won't have my title judged
when you're not even letting me finger you."
Mina laughs. "Like your dick isn't heavenly itself! Don't sell yourself short,
Best Lay, it's not like I'm dating you for your endearing personality."
Katsuki laughs at that. He can't help it. That's the stupidest set of insult-
laced compliments he's ever received.
"Best Lay kinda sounds like Blasty", Eijirou says from somewhere that doesn't
matter, because Katsuki slips his tongue in Mina's mouth and all logic takes a
swan dive out the window.
He plants a hand on the mattress just next to Mina's shoulder. Thank god his
boyfriends aren't complete idiots, because they understand to nudge the lube
and a condom to his hand. Bless their little souls.
With his newfound equipment it's not long before he lifts Mina's hips to line
up. Her hands are making an absolute mess of his hair and somewhere to his left
he hears Hanta use his quirk for some godawful reason Katsuki can't be bothered
to figure out right now. He can't be bothered with anything, right now, because
Mina holds her breath and looks right at him as she helps him slide in.
She breathes out, it's shuddery, it's weak, it makes Katsuki want to stop just
so she can breathe alright again.
But then she throws her head back and hooks her ankles together behind him and
grinds. Katsuki buries his face in her exposed neck. At least two of the others
start breathing again.
He's usually not caught up in terminology, but Katsuki does get the difference
between fucking, having sex and making love, and the difference is that only
one of those things makes him extra sweaty when he does it in front of people.
And a sweaty Katsuki is a dangerous Katsuki. He keeps his hands on the bed
because Mina, unlike Eijirou, can't recover from explosions. Then again
Katsuki, unlike Denki, actually has control over his quirk. She's safe.
He fits a hand between them and lays if flat over Mina's belly. He takes one of
Mina's hands and holds it on her tummy, looks at the face she makes when she
feels him filling her up and sliding out, again and again.
"It feels so good", she murmurs. She pulls herself closer with her free hand,
fits her lips around Katsuki's. "It's so good, love, you're so good. Draw it
out for me."
He hoists her hips a little higher. Past experience dictates no-one can outlast
Mina, but he can sometimes match her, if he tries. He looks to the side for
something else to focus on, and honestly he doesn't know what he was expecting,
but it wasn't this.
Eijirou is lying flat on the ground, a strip of tape across his abs holding him
in place. Denki sees Katsuki looking and winks. Hanta is nowhere to be found.
Mina looks to the side too, and snorts. "What the fuck you guys."
"Ei said he'd have to be contained so he wouldn't jump you two", Hanta says.
Katsuki twists around and finds the asshole directly behind him. "What the
shit. Distract him, don't be an ass."
"I could do that", Hanta shrugs, "or I could wait for Mina to start whining
about our collective stamina."
"Yeah well, it'll be a while", Katsuki growls. "Fuck off."
"It won't be as long a while as Mina wants!" Hanta says, and high-fives Denki.
"It'll be long enough to tire Ei out", Katsuki says. "Trust me."
Eijirou makes a strained sound. "Yes please." He then sits up, because of
course a bit of tape isn't enough to pin him down.
Denki stands up from the chair and smooths out his skirt. "C'mon, Ei, d'you
really not want a turn in Mina?"
Mina chokes off a cry. "Don't phrase it like that."
"God, don't", Katsuki confirms falling completely still, shaking his head.
"Fuck you, I'm tryna do my title here, cut that shit out."
"Aww", Hanta coos. He brings a hand up to Katsuki's neck. "Can big bad Baku not
handle a bit of dirty talk? Is that it?" He slides his fingers down Katsuki's
spine, then back up, watching his muscles tense and release with the movement.
"Or was it the other way around? Did Mina like the idea so much that she's
pushing you to the edge, baby?"
" 's on me", Mina breathes. "Don't. Don't move yet, Katsuki." She covers her
eyes with her forearm.
Katsuki takes this chance to turn around and threaten to bite Hanta's hand off.
Eijirou and Denki make their way back on the bed when Mina tries to grind
again. Katsuki has his priorities straight so he turns back to the matter at
hand, but not before Denki rudely interrupts only to sneak a kiss on Katsuki.
Mina puts her elbows on Katsuki's shoulders, and her hands hang in the air,
empty above his head as she tries her best to savor every little moment, every
move and feeling.
"What's wrong", Katsuki mutters in her neck, as if that'd keep the others from
hearing.
"Hm?"
"You're crying."
Mina wipes at her eyes and sniffs. "I'm not."
Katsuki furrows his brows. "Babe."
Mina sobs, "You called me babe!" Her voice cracks.
"Babe", Katsuki says again, pulling his face away a bit so he can see her
better.
"You're just so good", Mina cries. "It feels like I'm on fire, love, you're so
great. It's so, so good."
Katsuki leans down to kiss her and picks up the pace a little. She bites his
lip and he huffs, that's so unfair. He shoves a hand between them to rub at her
clit.
"Katsuki", she whines.
"You started it."
She huffs, but doesn't actually have a response.
He bites the inside of his cheek and shifts his angle again, and Mina gives up
and just comes. He gives a little extra effort and comes after her, but still,
he won't count that as outlasting. He knows better than to.
He goes to sit back but she grabs his arm.
"Can you--" she begins, stops to swallow a lump around her throat and wipe her
eyes. "Can you keep going?"
Katsuki takes a deep breath, and nods. "In a moment. My arms got tired."
"Aw come on", Hanta whines in the distance.
"Should've joined when you had the chance", Eijirou says from Denki's lap. "Now
you just get to sit there and suffer."
Denki tries to talk but can't form a sentence around whatever magic it is
Eijirou is performing on him, so he gives up.
Katsuki sits back on his haunches. He rolls his hips side to side, too spent
for a fuck but not so much that he'll leave Mina to her own devices. He
stretches his arms.
"Mmm. Looking good", Mina hums.
"Not so bad yourself", Katsuki drawls.
"You are kidding, right?" Hanta says. He slots his chin on Katsuki's shoulder.
"First of all, babe, you look like a greek god. You seriously should not be
allowed to stretch or flex any of your muscles when you're naked, or my gay
little heart will actually explode, pun intended. And you", he stretches a
little so he can look at Mina over Katsuki's shoulder. "I wish you could see
yourself right now. You make cotton candy look sexy. I can't even look at your
hair for too long, I feel like I'll go blind, that's how good you look."
Mina giggles. The movement brings a pressing matter at hand, that matter being
that Katsuki can't possibly be comfortable in a used condom. She slips him out
of herself so she can trash it and replace it with a new one, then guides him
back in.
It makes a yummy little sound.
"Oh my god", Hanta says, his eyes wide and glued to where the two are joined.
"That's gonna be ringing in my ears for weeks. I'll remember that sound when
I'm old and wilting and it'll be the sole reason I have a sex drive to my dying
days."
"For fuck's sake--" Katsuki huffs. He grabs Hanta's hand and lays it flat on
Mina's belly, like he had done with Mina's hand earlier. He gives a single
thrust.
Hanta squeals. "Do-- do that again."
Katsuki does, with a grin and a little more gusto. Mina helps him along. Hanta
pets around her belly, feeling the not-visible-but-definitely-moving mound
there, shaping his fingers so he can touch as much of it as possible.
Katsuki shouldn't be as distracted by it as he is.
"Does it-- is this good?" Hanta asks, attempting to look at both Mina and
Katsuki at the same time.
"Yeah", Mina says. "You're pushing me down on him, it feels so good."
"I can't even feel you", Katsuki groans. "Why the fuck does it feel so good if
I can't even feel your hand?"
"Because you know it's there", Hanta says, petting a little heavier. "Because
it looks good."
"Fuck me that's true", Mina says. She throws her head back and her horns stop
her from slamming it in the pillow, but she sees what she wants to anyway. She
reaches up and grabs the headboard with both hands, and holds tight.
"Looking this good has got to be illegal", Hanta murmurs in Katsuki's neck.
Katsuki can't answer, though, because he's busy coming in the most silent
little breath his throat can manage.
"You're so good", Mina says. "So good, love, you didn't even have to keep
going, but you did." She gives him a smile. "Thank you."
"You asked me to, of course I was going to", Katsuki grumbles as he leans over
to kiss her. He then slips to the floor, because fuck standing.
Denki and Eijirou are still in the middle of what looks to be the chillest ride
anyone has ever experienced, so Hanta punches the air and scatters kisses all
over Mina's face.
"Hanta!" she giggles. "Hanta, oh my god, I get it! Hey, stop, you're tickling
me. Hanta."
"Can I pretty please fuck you?"
"Of course, of course. Pick me up though, I'm so sweaty I'm gonna fuse with the
mattress if I don't move."
So he helps her sit up, and then helps her into his lap, and then she helps him
in a condom.
"I'm. Probably not gonna last till you come, even if I'm picking up where
Katsuki left off."
"I don't care."
"Can I still fuck you 'till you come? You said earlier you didn't want to get
fingered..."
"I meant Katsuki was a little too rough. But I'm pretty loose now, you can
definitely fingerfuck me to oblivion."
Hanta laughs. "And you dare to call my dirty talk the best."
"I can't rate my own dirty talk, Hanta", Mina says as she begins to move. "And
why would I ever bother with that, when you're here?"
Hanta gives her a triangle of a smile and dives for her mouth. Mina feels
something on her leg and has to break away from Hanta to see.
It's Denki. He's laid out on the edge of the bed, on his side, his hand holding
up his head.
"Don't mind me", he says.
Behind him, Katsuki and Eijirou have settled on the carpet shoulder-to-
shoulder, their backs against the bed, and it'd look like they were having a
heart-to-heart if it weren't for the fact that neither of them is talking.
Hanta and Mina scoot a little towards the wall so Denki isn't in immediate
danger of falling off, and continue without a hitch.
"My thighs are getting tired", Mina hums.
" 's okay", Hanta says, holding her hips so she's not lifting all of her
weight. "I'm kinda close."
She hugs around his head and breathes on his hair. "I can't be that good."
"Not all of us can marathon for four hours straight, baby", Hanta laughs.
"That was one time", Mina says. She pulls on his hair so she can look at him.
"And 'straight' isn't the word I'd use."
"Oh hey. Good pun."
"Right?" She pulls his hair a little further back and sucks a hickey under his
jaw.
Hanta bites his tongue as it pokes out of his mouth. "Baby-- baby slow down,
I'm gone."
Mina slows down, then stops, pulls away from him altogether. "C'mon, give me
your hand."
Hanta sits with his back to the wall and pats the mattress between his legs.
"Come here."
Mina goes, leans back on him, and takes his hand to her crotch. "C'mon, c'mon."
"Why are you like this", Hanta laughs. His other hand comes up to muss up her
hair.
"I'm so close, Hanta, you don't get it", she whines. "And I'm so tired, you're
all so good, too good."
"This kinda turned into a Mina-fest", Denki says. He brings a hand to her ankle
for no good reason other than she might kick him off the bed and directly onto
Katsuki's and Eijirou's necks.
"Doesn't it always?" Hanta says behind Mina, moving his hand from her hair to
her horn, and holding tightly. "I mean don't get me wrong, the last Denki-fest
was glorious and I regret that we don't have those as often, but I'm pretty
sure we'd all die if we attempted to come as much as Mina does on the regular."
Mina arches her back. "You'd- you'd be fine-- Hanta--"
"I've got you, I've got you", he says, then stops talking so he can make out
with her neck until she's finished.
She goes slack in his arms. He brings his hand to his mouth and cleans his
fingers.
"How're you feeling?" Eijirou says, turning and propping an elbow up on the
bed, knocking it on Denki's back.
"Could go for a couple more rounds", she says. Her head rolls on Hanta's
shoulder when he lets go of her horn. "If you guys are up for it."
"Was that a fucking pun."
"Bitch it might've been."
"I'm not up for it, pun intended, but I'm up for it, no pun", Eijirou says.
"Scoot here and I'll eat you out."
"Yeah, just. Give me a moment. I think I lost feeling in my legs."
"Nice", Hanta laughs. Mina elbows him in the stomach.
Denki stops taking up the entire length of the god damn bed and sits at the
foot of it. He smooths his skirt out over his crossed legs, and it actually
takes a moment for Mina to remember that the skirt is hers. Hanta ambles his
way to Denki and leans on him to wind down.
Mina scoots lazily until her legs fall off the side of the bed, and Eijirou
settles between them.
"Hey", he grins.
"Hey."
"You good there?"
"Just a moment, love."
Ejirou rests his cheek on her knee and waits.
Katsuki splays his arm out on the bed and leans his head on it. By all means he
looks ready for a nap.
"Okay, I'm good."
Eijirou wastes no time and dives right in, ever so careful of his fangs.
Mina damn near shrieks. She grabs at his hair. "Shit, Ei-- are you trying to
kill me?"
Eijirou hums. He takes hold of her trembling thighs.
"Cause of death: boyfriend didn't think she'd be this overwhelmed", she laughs,
tries to find a better angle for her hips without letting go of his hair.
"Wait-- I didn't mean stop, I meant don't be surprised when I come in .2
seconds."
She leans back and has to put a hand behind her to keep herself upright.
"Wait, I gotcha, hold on", Denki hurries to say as he gets himself behind her
so she can lean on him, instead of fall on open air. "You're good."
"Thanks", she has time to say, and then stops breathing. Her toes curl in the
carpet. Her hands go weak in Eijirou's hair, and she melts down. If it weren't
for the two pairs of arms holding her, she'd have slid right to the floor.
"You okay, love?" Eijirou asks.
"I'm great", she says. She wipes the drool off her chin and gives a thumbs-up.
"Yay~"
"Alright, fuck you", Denki says. "Like, so much."
"Great, let's do it."
Denki facepalms. "Really? Really? You're impossible."
"Come on", Mina drawls. "I'll bend over for you all prettily."
"I'm not complaining", Denki complains. "At least, not about you. It's just
fucking unfair that you're gonna go what, five times? Wait, did I count that
right?"
Denki brings his hands up and counts off his fingers. Eijirou kisses a trail up
Mina's torso until he reaches her mouth.
"Five times", Denki whispers, mostly to himself, in disbelief. "Back to back."
"The second and third without pause", Katsuki says from his spot. His eyes are
closed and he opens them in a lazy blink to look at his datemates. "Now move
the fuck over, my knees are starting to hurt."
He climbs up on the bed in slow, sluggish movements, and lies down like he's
never gonna get up.
Mina stands when Eijirou tries to nudge enough space for himself on the bed,
and Denki follows when it becomes clear that there is, in fact, only so much
space.
Eijirou manhandles Katsuki around, because like hell is Eijirou going to put
all of his weight on another human being that doesn't have a quirk like his,
and lies down, draping Katsuki like a blanket over him.
Denki turns to look at Mina and finds her in the process of putting a knee up
on her desk. She puts her hands next to her knee and her weight on her hands,
and throws a look over her shoulder as if her position somehow wasn't inviting
enough.
"Well come on, then", she says, and bends over as promised. "Please?" She
flings a condom at him.
Denki blinks, barely catches it. "Right, fuck. I got spacey."
She giggles. Her giggle is cut short when Denki slips in. Then she giggles
again when she feels him draping his borrowed skirt around her waist.
"Move, love", she purrs over her shoulder.
He does.
"Spark me up if you're close", she hums. "If I get eaten one more time I will
actually die."
"I've gotcha", he says. He brings a hand around her and slips it under the
skirt. "You good with this, though?"
She gives a sharp inhale, and holds it. "That's good. That's good, Denki,
you're good."
She arches her back in some pretty absurd curves to get decent angles, and also
keep her head close enough to Denki's that she can hear every little sound he
makes. It's more than worth it, though, because when he does spark, he lets out
this tiny little choke from the back of his throat, and they light up together
under his quirk.
She relaxes her arms and drops down on the desk. An eraser digs itself in her
rib.
"Please tell me you're not gonna pass out now of all times."
"No, no." She picks herself up and stretches. "What about those other three?"
Those other three, as it turns out, aren't as comfortable as they had planned
on being, mostly because the only way to fit people like Eijirou and Katsuki on
a bed together is spooning, and that doesn't work if there's anyone else there
with them.
On a good day, Mina or Denki can squeeze in between the beefcakes, but Hanta
can't.
Instead they wait for Mina and Denki in mild discomfort and great interest, and
after they both prove too weak in the legs to walk, Katsuki takes it upon
himself to pile up blankets on the floor. Mina has this huge one, wide and
thick and purple - because of course - and Katsuki spreads that out, finds
another couple of fluffy ones to put on top.
A few pillows and it's done. Katsuki drops himself in the middle and doesn't
move no matter how much the others nudge him.
Mina crawls her way into his arms and he doesn't grumble too much under his
breath, so she's fine. Eijirou spoons her and drops a kiss on Katsuki's nose
before he lies down. Hanta and Denki form a heap behind Katsuki.
They say their goodnights and doze off.
Except Katsuki gives this tired growl and goes, "Are you shitting me right
now."
"I'll be quick, I promise", Mina says, and continues finger painting. "Just a
moment."
"Best Stamina, more like Best StaMina", Denki laughs. "Six times! I mean come
on!"
Eijirou wraps an arm around her and grabs her boob. Doesn't even grope it, just
finds it a comfy place to rest his hand on. Fucker.
Mina makes a strained, bit-off hum, then breathes normally again. "Okay, now
I'm ready to pass out."
"I'm so glad you're my girlfriend", Hanta drawls. "I'm so glad we're dating
you."
And finally, they sleep.
 
Chapter End Notes
     someone pls call me out on my aversion to use body parts' actual
     names
     also i knew this was gonna end up a minafest but even i wasn't
     expecting it to be THIS MUCH of a minafest whoops
     every single time i wrote the phrase "STRAIGHT into [pronoun] ear" i
     was laughing like heuhheuhueheu i feel like this is a fact y'all
     should know
***** Stride of Pride/Walk of Shame *****
Chapter Summary
     back to last names! i assume there's a shower in each dorm's bathroom
     and the common baths are just extra
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Thank God, Buddha, and any and all religious entities out there that the next
day is Sunday, because none of them can walk in a straight line when they wake
up.
Or, actually. The exact reason three of them wake up is because the other two
are fucking. And then those two can barely stand at all, but after Kirishima,
Kaminari and Ashido all get turns cleaning up in Ashido's bathroom, Sero
manages to coordinate his limbs so he can visit the bathroom himself. Bakugou
takes another twenty minutes after that so his ass can recover, and even then
he spends a little too long in the bathroom, with how slow he's moving.
The boys all have to do a stride of pride since they can't avoid the common
room if they want to get to their own rooms.
Kaminari's the best case scenario; both his pants and underwear were removed
early enough that they didn't even get a single wrinkle, he can fit in a lot of
Ashido's shirts so he has a fresh one to wear, and his hair only really takes a
good brush and a little ruffling with water to stay as it usually does.
Bakugou and Sero would be pretty decent in their strides if it weren't for the
fact that they woke up and fucked right then and there. As it is, they find it
harder to walk than any of them do.
Kirishima is an absolute lost cause; he has hickeys all the way up to his jaw
and all the way down to his chest, his hair is somewhere between spiked and
relaxed from getting slept in and washed with Mina's shampoo - which is strong
enough to loosen whatever product Kirishima uses, but not so strong that it can
wash it out completely - and maybe worst of all, there's actual bitemarks on
him, one on his shoulder and one on his forearm.
He really does warrant the phrase Walk of Shame.
"Is my hair as terrible as I think it is?" Kirishima says, fiddling with a
strand at the mirror.
"You're fine, honey", Ashido says.
Kirishima looks at her for ten solid seconds before he gives his reflection a
defeated sigh. "Do you have a headband I can borrow, a bandanna, a scarf,
anything?"
Ashido gives him a scarf, if only so the ends of it can hang on either side of
his neck and at least somewhat hide the scattering of bruises there.
Sero is a close second to most marked, but at least his hair is long enough and
stays down on the nape of his neck.
They make it as far as the ground floor before all hell breaks loose.
The entire god damn class is there, of course, either for breakfast or for
company or what the fuck ever, and like any decent, dedicated teenage friend,
they go batshit when they spot the five of them.
"WALK OF SHAME", Uraraka screeches at the top of her lungs.
"Get some!" Ojiro yells.
"Did y'all sleep good?" Hagakure yells louder.
"Is that Ashido's shirt, Kaminari?" Aoyama gasps, a hand over his mouth as if
it's scandalous.
"Who commanded death to your throat?" Tokoyami asks without specifying who he's
talking to.
"Ran a marathon, Mina?" Jirou elbows her as she passes by.
Iida is uncharacteristically silent, dabbing a handkerchief to his forehead,
chanting quietly to himself.
Bakugou gives a loud - but small - explosion. "Shut your fucking mouths, it's
too early for this shit."
They find a table they can all sit down at, and Satou saunters by to offer
food.
"I made pancakes, eat up. Oh - do you guys want some syrup, or was your night
sweet enough?"
The room roars again, despite Bakugou's best efforts.
"Actually, my morning was pretty sweet too", Sero laughs. "Pass the syrup."
"I'd have to say my night was sweeter", Kaminari says, reaching for the syrup
after Sero. "The Monday thing was great."
"My night takes the cake", Mina giggles. She pours some syrup on her pancakes.
"The sweetest."
"Of course it was!" Eijirou laughs, eating his pancakes dry. "I mean... come
on, of course it was."
"I'm not doing this", Bakugou growls, rubbing the bridge of his nose. A cup of
coffee lands near his hand and he grabs it without questioning his trust in
whoever it was that put it there.
The coffee is good, but the person who gave it to him was Midoriya, so Bakugou
scowls anyway.
"This is a dare", Midoriya says, sweating buckets.
Bakugou arches an eyebrow.
Midoriya takes a deep breath as the rest of the class holds theirs. "Kacchan,
was your morning sweet enough to warrant your limp?"
It takes the entirety of the Bakusquad and the Dekusquad to hold Bakugou down.
Midoriya makes his escape and lives another day.
 
 
Going to the mall with the entire goddamn class is exciting but mostly
confusing. Going to the corner store with three friends is more run-of-the-
mill, but so much easier on the nerves.
Ashido, Hagakure, Aoyama and Tokoyami spend a good chunk of their afternoon
digging through racks for some clothes. Hagakure has to shop in outfits, so
enlisting for help is crucial for her. Ashido's complexion has trained her into
patience and a good eye for clothes-shopping; Aoyama has the uncanny ability to
transmute a heap of junk into a stylish outfit; Tokoyami has a killer sense of
fashion. Plus, Tokoyami's and Aoyama's aesthetics may clash daily, but if
they're working together, they balance each other out like no tomorrow.
All in all, a very effective team to support Hagakure's shopping trip.
"We're kinda like a cavalry team", she says.
Ashido throws a ripped pair of jeans over her arm. "Explain."
"Even in our positions at the Sports Festival - I was riding, Mina you were a
right horse, Aoyama was on the left, and Tokoyami, you were Midoriya's front,
right?"
Tokoyami looks up from comparing two different shades of black. "That... is
such a peculiar observation to make. What led you to this thought?"
"Look at this shirt", Hagakure says, holding up a turtleneck with the words
'Bone A Pet It' on the front. "I thought I'd wear it, but I'd have to take my
shirt off, and it probably wouldn't matter, but I had my shirt off at the
cavalry battle and so I remembered."
"How horrid", Aoyama frowns. "That shirt is trés dégoûtant, Hagakure. It is in
such bad taste I'm surprised any self-respecting establishment would allow its
distribution." He flips his bangs back with a dramatic upturn of his nose. "I
refuse to see you pay for such a thing!"
Hagakure folds the shirt back in its place.
"And please use a changing room", Ashido says as she presents Hagakure with a
casual outfit. "This is a public space."
"Oh, no!" Hagakure hurries to say. "I didn't mean that I would undress in front
of everyone - especially my friends who I have to look at every day! That'd be
so embarrassing, gosh."
"You do realize we could never see you?"
"I'm wearing underwear, Mina, and you can see that."
"That is a fair point", Aoyama says, draping himself dramatically over a rack.
"A lady should be careful of her presentation!"
"Nonsense", Tokoyami says, holding the two blacks against a pink to see which
one is better. "If Hagakure so decided, she could make a brand of walking
around in nothing but underwear. Intention is a formidable ally." He folds the
left-hand black back in its place, and holds up the right-hand one together
with the pink.
"I couldn't do that!" Hagakure says as she changes in the changing room. "You'd
be able to see the inside of my panties - think about that!"
Tokoyami makes a choked sound that he quickly covers up with a cough. Aoyama
does a theatrical turn and stares intently at a row of jackets. Ashido doesn't
bother hiding the flush of her cheeks. In fact:
"I just had a really inappropriate thought, Tooru."
"Is it about my panties?"
"Yes."
Hagakure walks out of the changing room wearing the outfit Ashido picked for
her. She does a twirl for her friends. "What did you think?"
"Okay there's no good way to phrase this, but you're entirely invisible, do
parts of you remain so even after they've disconnected with you? Say, if you
cut your hair?"
"Kind of? They turn like, the color of muddy water, but on very low opacity. If
you gather together a bunch of my cut-off hair, it'll look like a bit of
smoke."
"Okay, so, if you got wet, would we be able to see that in your underwear?"
Aoyama yelps and turns around again, both hands over his face. Tokoyami looks
upwards and to the side and his feathers hide any blush he might exhibit on his
face, but his neck is rapidly turning the color of the choker around it.
"That is about the most inappropriate thing I've ever heard", Hagakure says.
"Have you no shame?"
"I'm dating Sero."
"Still!"
"You're lucky you weren't there when me and Ochako were playing pick-a-dick."
Hagakure audibly swallows a yell. "You were playing what?"
Ashido laughs and fans her face with a hand. "She made me pick between my boys'
dicks, and then picked between hers, and long story short I think I gave
Todoroki the idea of temp play."
"What--"
"Temperature play, doubling as a quirk kink for him."
Hagakure covers her face, though God only knows what that accomplishes. She
dives back in the changing room.
"Would we see you get wet?"
"No, I don't think so", Hagakure says eventually. "Not unless I, um, went
through the whole process with my undies on. Even then it'd be hard to tell, I
think."
Tokoyami folds the outfit he picked under gap of the door and Hagakure picks it
up.
"Another question", Ashido says, and turns to Tokoyami. He visibly tenses up.
"How do you kiss people?"
"Uh", Tokoyami says, eloquently. He steps closer to her and nods his head so
their foreheads touch. The curve of his beak ends up on her mouth. He closes
his eyes and makes a quick trilling sound.
"Oh my god", Ashido says when he steps back. "Oh my god!"
Tokoyami brings a hand behind his head, ruffling up his feathers. "Don't make a
fuss over it. Oh, sorry I didn't ask first."
"Tokoyami, that was beautiful", Ashido says. Tears well in her eyes. "I'm so
mad I didn't know what was happening - I would've appreciated it more. Now I'll
never get to experience that again!"
Tokoyami lets out a hurried huff and rushes to put some distance between them.
"You can't know that."
Ashido flushes up again, and she fans herself to keep her temperature down.
"Gosh."
Aoyama scoffs. "Tokoyami, that's no way for a gentleman to treat a lady."
"I'm not and have never been a gentleman", Tokoyami says from his corner, "and
Ashido is not by any means my lady."
"I thought you were gonna say I wasn't a lady and I didn't know how to react."
"You have to be extra gentle precisely because she isn't your lady!" Aoyama
scolds, crossing his arms.
Hagakure steps out in her pink skirt and black hoodie and does a twirl. "I like
this one."
Aoyama takes one look and dashes across the store. He rushes back with a pair
of leggings and a pair of gloves. "Here, sweet Hagakure. These ought to liven
up your look."
"Or you can leave it plain", Tokoyami frowns as he comes closer. "If you add
too much it'll look cluttered."
"Just who do you think you're talking to?" Aoyama glitters as Hagakure puts on
what he gave her. "I know how to accessorize!"
Tokoyami rolls his eyes.
Hagakure does another twirl.
"It looks good", Tokoyami admits, crossing his arms.
"Of course it does", Aoyama beams. "You make it work so well, Hagakure."
"It looks lovely on you!" Ashido giggles. "You look lovely in it."
"Thanks, you guys", Hagakure says. She pulls her hood up and looks at the
mirror. "I think I'll buy it."
 
Chapter End Notes
     hey dudes i just passed the written exam for my driving licence i'm
     so happ
     i wasn't planning on the tokomina there but it. it sure did happen
     huh.
***** """Baby""" *****
Chapter Summary
     alternatively titled Sero Gets Exposed
Sero showers in the mornings, always. Sole exception is when he becomes too
gross sometime during the day and needs to not be gross, for example, after
training or after sex.
Kirishima wakes up before the sun like a lunatic and does morning runs (even
though it's technically still night) every other day. Like a lunatic. Unlike a
lunatic, he showers afterwards so he doesn't kill everyone in a ten-meter
radius with his stench.
The common baths are more spacious and generally more comfortable than the
rooms' showers. There's shower stalls on one wall, and the rest of the room is
not unlike a regular bath house.
You see where this is going.
Sometimes, early before any of the other boys have woken up, Sero and Kirishima
cross paths in the baths. Like today.
Sero wants to rest his face on the shower stall's wall but it's so cold he
can't bring himself to. Kirishima has a hand on that wall and he doesn't seem
to be freezing, but then again that could be his quirk at work.
His other hand is stoking Sero slow.
Sero thinks about it for a minute, then the solution hits him: he puts his
forehead on Kirishima's hand, and finally lets Kirishima push up against him,
heavy on his back.
The water is maybe a bit too hot, but they're both flushed and heated on their
own, and it feels fine on their skin.
"Ei", Sero pants. "Ei, baby, can you-- inside--"
"I don't have--" Kirishima begins, but bites his lip and moves his hand to
Sero's ass instead. "I can't--", he tries again.
"It's fine" Sero gasps. He shifts with the fingers in him, does his best to
accommodate as Kirishima fondles him. "It feels good."
It can't possibly, when there's nothing but water easing the movement, and
after a minute of this, Sero turns around, holding Kirishima's wrists. He
pushes him back until Kirishima's back hits the opposite wall. Sero doesn't
feel too bad - Kirishima doesn't even flinch, it's definitely his quirk keeping
him safe from the elements. Sero grabs a good hold of Kirishima's mouth with
his own and wraps his hand around both of them.
Kirishima muffles a groan on Sero's tongue.
Sero's free hand comes up to mess with Kirishima's hair. When he drags his
fingers to the back of Kirishima's neck, he finds the skin hard and ragged.
Kirishima puts his arms on Sero's shoulders, wrists crossing far behind Sero's
head.
Observation of past records has shown that the entire class prefers their own
bathrooms in the morning, and thank fuck for that, because Kirishima screams
when Sero pulls back to breathe.
 
 
Good thing about rubbing one out with your boyfriend in the showers real quick?
No one walks weird if you take your time with it. Sero and Kirishima still have
water in their hair as they're getting some breakfast, when Bakugou comes down
the stairs.
He pours himself a bowl of cereal without a word, letting the coffee machine
work as he eats.
Ashido, Yao-momo and Tsuyu step out of the elevator together, and take up a
table by themselves.
"Morning, loves", Ashido says, blowing kisses to her boys.
"Good morning, love!" Kirishima says. He catches her kiss out of the air and
slaps it on his cheek.
"Morning, baby", Sero drawls.
Bakugou slams his spoon down on the table. "Did you two just fuck in the
baths?"
"Uh?"
"You only ever call any of us 'baby' when you fuck", Bakugou growls. "Have you
not even fucking noticed?"
Sero furrows his brows. "UHHHHHH"
"We just fucked in the baths", Kirishima laughs.
Bakugou facepalms.
Sero is still stricken. "I? Do that?"
"Yes, dear", Kirishima says. "Every single time, without fail."
"I hadn't noticed", Ashido says. She takes a spoonful of cereal. "Huh."
Sero thinks about it for a few more moments, then crosses his arms on the table
and plants his face in his arms. "Oh my god."
"I like it", Kirishima says, patting Sero's back. "Are you okay, man?"
"I can't believe I had such an obvious tell", Sero whimpers.
"Have."
"What?"
"You have an obvious tell, please don't change it, I really do like it."
"I also like it!" Ashido calls from her table.
"What are we liking?" Kaminari says as he comes down the stairs.
"Hanta calling us 'baby' when we fuck", Ashido says.
"Oh yeah, that's the shit." Kaminari takes a seat next to Bakugou.
"Katsuki?" says Kirishima.
"What."
"Do you like it?"
"The more important question is why does Hanta like it so much? He's such a
sticker for it I'm starting to think he has a daddy kink."
Sero lets out an inhuman yell from his nest in his arms.
"I. Um", Ashido tries. "It would've been funny if literally anyone else had
said it, but you, Baku..."
"It sounds hot from your mouth", Kaminari says, quite possibly not realizing
that sitting right next to Bakugou puts him in the most immediate danger. "I
seriously think you could talk us into any kink ever if you talk about it in
the right voice."
Bakugou scowls. "I could talk you fuckers into anything."
Kirishima laughs, bless his heart. "That's true. I can't believe anyone would
get the impression you're the whipped one here."
"No, that's just because you're the most whipped of us all, Ei, love", Ashido
says.
Kirishima laughs again. "Eh, guilty as charged. But can you really blame me? I
mean, look at you guys."
Tsuyu and Yao-momo are exchanging looks of pure horror throughout the entire
conversation.
 
 
Bakugou and Kaminari disappear one day after class, and only resurface late at
night in the dorms. Of course, the dorms are occupied by a bunch of high
schoolers so there's quite a crowd when the two walk in.
"Where the fuck have you two been all day?" Uraraka scowls. "We've been worried
sick!"
"Oh whoops", Kaminari says flatly. "And here I thought I'd remember to text."
He drops down on a couch, limbs splayed loosely and head rolling to his
shoulder.
"You couldn't text once? The entire day?"
"We weren't out that long."
"It's two in the morning."
"And why are you three awake, then?" Bakugou growls. He looks dead on his feet
and even the usual grating of his voice sounds half-hearted. He collapses in
the space under Kaminari's arm.
"I took a stupidly long nap earlier", Uraraka crosses her arms. "Now I'm not
tired enough to sleep."
"I just remembered this bit of homework half an hour ago", Shouji says through
a mouth behind his hand. "It's due tomorrow."
"I couldn't sleep", Midoriya mumbles.
"I feel like I could sleep for five years straight", Kaminari drawls.
"You both look exhausted."
"Thanks, Deku, no damn shit. It's like you have working eyes or something."
"What were you even doing out there?"
"A study date that was more date than study", Kaminari says, then yawns.
Shouji looks up. "Did you do this?" he says, holding up his textbook.
"That's been assigned for at least a week", Bakugou huffs. He settles closer to
Kaminari, resting his head on the other's shoulder. "We did it like two days
after we got it."
"I expected that from Kacchan, but Kaminari...?"
"I'm not gonna let any of my datemates fall behind, what the shit." Bakugou's
eyes fall closed, and with his hair flattened by Kaminari's cheek, he might as
well be asleep.
Uraraka makes sure her phone is on silent and snaps a picture.
Kaminari sees her, and he gives the camera a peace sign next to Bakugou's
shoulder.
"So how was your date?" Uraraka says as she folds her phone back in her pocket.
"It was great", Kaminari drawls. "I think I really drove him nuts at the start,
though. At the study part of the date. But at least I think I get the homework
now."
"You'd better", Bakugou growls, barely audible.
"It's unusual to hear Bakugou say so much with so little swearing", Shouji
says.
"Not really", Midoriya says, something soft and young in his eyes. "It just
doesn't happen often when I'm present."
Uraraka reaches a foot across the couch to rest on Midoriya's thigh. "You
okay?"
"Just", he rubs at his eye. The circles under it are pretty dark. "Just the
usual."
"You wanna talk about it, man?" Kaminari says. His eyes came closed too,
somewhere along the conversation.
"Just nightmares and stuff", Midoriya says. His hand finds Uraraka's ankle and
his thumb starts digging circles in it. "I didn't sleep well yesterday either,
so I figured spending a second night tossing and turning was a bit silly. At
least I'm doing something useful here." He gestures at Shouji and his almost-
done homework. "I'm happy to help."
"I'm not happy if your help comes at the expense of your rest", Shouji says.
One of his mouths frowns.
"Yo, Deku."
"Hm?"
"I didn't sleep a wink last night." Bakugou opens his eyes, if only so he can
glare at Midoriya as he speaks. "Why do you think I went so much out of my way
to get a tiring date?"
Kaminari hums.
"You're just gonna accept that?" Uraraka says.
"I got tired, too", Kaminari drawls. "That's the point."
"To get tired enough to sleep", Bakugou explains, eyes falling closed again.
"Remind me tomorrow when I'm coherent."
Uraraka and Midoriya look at each other, then at Shouji's dupli-eyes that point
at them.
Bakugou and Kaminari wake the next morning in Kaminari's room to their set
alarms, both of their phones plugged in and charged. Midoriya will deny to his
dying days that he had anything to do with that, swear up and down that Shouji
had more than enough hands to carry Bakugou and Kaminari, that Uraraka was the
one who thought to charge their phones and bundle them under fluffy blankets.
Uraraka has a picture on her phone of a black-out Bakugou slung over Midoriya's
back from that night.
 
***** Return of the Chats *****
Chapter Summary
     in which mina has a question and everyone suddenly remembers there's
     a bet going on
Chapter Notes
     hey this time around some usernames aren't crystal clear so let me
     say "a_hero" is deku (in reference to the dub where the line was
     translated "from now on, Deku is the name of a hero") bc i've been
     trying to do puns between their names and their hero names. this was
     easier with todoroki bc his hero name is his first name, but it can
     be read in a way that describes his quirks. deku, on the other hand,
     is already a pun on his name, and since i've done a good job avoiding
     their actual names i kept at it. i couldn't think of a pun on
     shouji's hero name so he's "doorEyes" (bc of the idiom his name
     references)
"I have", Ashido begins, and several long seconds later, remembers to finish
her sentence. "-a question."
"Lay it on me", Jirou says without looking up from her phone.
"It's not exactly a question? More like, uh, a statistics-- no, it won't be
statistics, um. Physics?" Ashido chews on the inside of her cheek as she
fumbles for words.
"It's okay, take your time", Jirou says.
"What's your question about?" Hagakure asks.
Ashido looks at where she guesses Hagakure's head is, and immediately looks
away. She shifts between looking as Yao-momo and Uraraka.
"It's. Kind of embarrassing."
"Wow", Tsuyu says as she brings a finger to her cheek. "I never thought I'd see
you embarrassed, Mina."
"That is strange!" Hagakure gasps. "But you know we won't judge!"
"What could you possibly be thinking about that you won't be comfortable asking
us?" Uraraka says.
Ashido stutters for a few more moments. Jirou looks up.
"I can't do this", Ashido says, covering her face. "I can't-- look at you, when
I'm asking about this, gosh." She stands up. "I'm going to my room, I'll text
you about it. Gosh."
 
<WHO RUN THE WORLD?>
/alienQueen: MUCH better
/gravitea: it's honestly so strange seeing you like this!! what's your
question???
/alienQueen: um
/momore: I really don't think there's any reason to be embarrassed, Mina.
/alienQueen: yeah but this is like,,,,,,, about sex
/jack: do you need me to cut a bitch
/alienQueen: kyouka NO
/jack: KYOUKA YES
/alienQueen: i dont need you to cut any bitches!!
/jack: okay dude but if you ever change your mind.....
/alienQueen: no how the hell would you even do that
/alienQueen: what if the bitch is stronger than you huh
/jack: id enlist help
/jack: namely bakugou or kirishima
/alienQueen: what if the bitches ARE bakugou and kirishima??
/jack: midoriya todoroki and yaomomo
/momore: I'm honoured that you think that highly of me.
/stealth: ya but we're getting distracted from mina's sex question???
/stealth: what's on your mind girl???
/alienQueen: djghdjshfhhhhh this is mostly to yao-momo in case she's read s/
thing s/where
/alienQueen: and also ochako in case she's tried something like it
/gravitea: so this is a multi-partner question????
/alienQueen: yeah,,,,,,
/alienQueen: god this is absurd,,,,, how will i look you in the eye after
this,,,,,,,
/jack: sweetheart weve slept together nothing you could say could phase me
/momore: Yes, that's true! Mina, surely if you were thinking of asking me about
this, you'd consider that?
/alienQueen: this is different than the two of you!
/froggy: Just spit it out.
/alienQueen: is it
/alienQueen: physically possible to have four dicks in me at once
/froggy: I have many regrets.
/alienQueen: see i told you guys this is embarrassing!!!!
/momore: No, no, it's okay.
/momore: I mean, it's embarrassing, yes, but I think I speak for all of us when
I say we're glad you trusted us with this worry of yours.
/jack: frankly i couldve lived my entire life without ever reading that but its
honestly not tht big a deal
/stealth: yeah!!!! but it's,,, still pretty embarrassing,,
/froggy: I for one am glad this is happening over text.
/stealth: right??? gosh my face is on FIRE right now!!
/gravitea: i've,,,, never tried something like that,,,,, it's more, um!!
/gravitea: you guys stop me if this gets tmi ok??
/gravitea: when i do like,,, parties we usually take turns and stuff
/gravitea: i mean i guess giving head while getting tapped counts as having two
in you?? that's pretty much it
/alienQueen: have you ever heard of dp
/jack: i cant believe i just had to google that
/jack: dont use weird acronyms
/alienQueen: yea well i've done that
/stealth: WITH FUCKING WHOM
/froggy: I think I'd rather not know.
/alienQueen: you'll both be disappointed to learn that there've been many
combinations.
/alienQueen: mostly eijidenki now that i think about it
/alienQueen: anyway
/gravitea: you can't spring that on us and expect us to bounce right back!!!
/alienQueen: you're giving me this shit AFTER i asked the most awkward thing
i've ever asked in my life??
/momore: ... It's possible.
/alienQueen: yeah?
/momore: If. If you count giving head, then yes. However you'd have to position
your partners very specifically to get it to work.
/alienQueen: can i tell you how i was thinking it'd go?? it's,,, super tmi
sorry
/froggy: I think I'll survive.
/jack: im not so sure
/stealth: suck it up!!!! i want to hear this!!!!
/gravitea: you have my attention
/alienQueen: okay so like,,, two of my boys, on their backs, one on top of the
other
/gravitea: .................................continue
/alienQueen: and like, i ride them both, right? so, dp
/alienQueen: a third boy behind me,,,,,, behind me
/alienQueen: and then the last boy has to stand above the two boys so i can
give him head,
/alienQueen: oh my god i will never look at any of you in the eye again
/momore: No, it's okay, that's more or less the composition I had thought of as
well.
/stealth: slap me if i'm wrong but did anyone else find mina's texts kinda
hot??
/alienQueen: stooop
/stealth: i need to find sero i need to tell him i'm betting five on you, hun
/alienQueen: !!!!!
/alienQueen: YOU'RE BETTING FIVE EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE NOT EVEN PLAYING??
/alienQueen: ON ME, BABE???
/stealth: yeah!!!!! i have newfound trust in your sexting skills
/alienQueen: WE'RE GONNA MAKE SO MUCH BANK
 
 
<THE [FLEXING ARM EMOJI] ONES>
/RR: yo i ran out of toothbrushes again
/RR: i snapped my last one and i hadn't realized i had to buy more
/RR: does anyone have one i can borrow?
/sugar: yeah man i have a solid dozen
/sugar: just come pick one up whenever you can
/tail: I keep forgetting you two have entire stashes of toothbrushes
/RR: more convenient than going out every week to get a new one
/sugar: more hygenic than using the same one for the same amount of time
everyone else does when i use it like three times more
/a_hero: guys help im crying??
/RR: fuck dude you sure are
/RR: why are you crying my man
/a_hero: ochako and shouto just walked by and they're so beautiful??
/tail: midoriya have we not told you time and again this chat doesn't exist so
you can gush about your partners??
/run: NO I MUST AGREE.
/run: THEY WERE GORGEOUS AND I'M FEELING RATHER EMOTIONAL MYSELF.
/RR: hey but you guys always bitch at me when i so much as mention katsuki
/tail: that's because he's despicable
/RR: give him a chance
/tail: I'd rather choke
/RR: wow okay man what got YOU so worked up
/tail: I don't know! I'm not worked up.
/sugar: is that a full period i see there
/tail: hey man fuck off
/RR: an actual cuss? scandalous
/doorEyes: What's troubling you, Ojirou?
/tail: fuck FINE hagakure isnt talking to me and i dont know why
/a_hero: oh i think i might know but you wont be happy to hear it
/tail: better than staying in the dark
/tail: try me
/a_hero: apparently the girls um
/a_hero: got on the topic of
/a_hero: got on an inappropriate topic, anyway
/a_hero: gosh i cant repeat this
/run: THE TOPIC WAS SEXUAL IN NATURE AND INDEED RATHER SHAMEFUL.
/doorEyes: How do the two of you know?
/run: OCHAKO TOLD US.
/doorEyes: Because it interests you?
/run: I
/run: ... I'M NOT SURE. IT MIGHT.
/a_hero: ghfidhfsfh tenya PLEASE
/RR: just how kinky are we talking here
/run: KIRISHIMA!
/RR: if it's the same conversation mina shared then shit man hagakure's in the
right here
/run: I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW I COULD HINT AT IT WITHOUT MAKING OUR FELLOW
CLASSMATES UNCOMFORTABLE!
/sugar: man, girls' honesty is really something else huh
/RR: not really
/RR: is it the dp+ thing
/a_hero: +????
/RR: plus
/a_hero: OH
/a_hero: yes that's. that's what that is yes.
/RR: lmao
/tail: can someone tell me why hagakure isn't talking to me???
/RR: she's probably kinda flustered after that particular convo. i know MY head
was spinning when mina told us her idea
/sugar: what's her idea?
/RR: i guess you'll never find out
/tail: she should be fine with time though right? like this is just a bad time
to insist on starting conversation?
/RR: yeah man totally
/a_hero: ,,,,,, have you guys actually
/a_hero: uh
/run: IZUKU THAT'S SUCH AN INAPPROPRIATE THING TO ASK!
/RR: we have yeah
/a_hero: .................. how does it feel?
/RR: very nice
/RR: so nice in fact that we're trying to figure out when and where and how
we'll get to work mina's idea
/a_hero: but doesn't it
/a_hero: fuck doesn't it hurt?
/RR: i mean yeah but i guess it must hurt mina less than it hurts me
/a_hero: you've. been on the receiving end of that.
/RR: ;)))
/a_hero: ........ i have to go my face suddenly caught fire
/run: I ALSO HAVE TO GO MAKE SURE HE'S FINE.
/RR: lol yeah man just make sure your own face is fine too
/sugar: im so lost
/doorEyes: Will you believe me if I tell you I made sense out of everything
they just said?
/doorEyes: Except for Ashido's idea, I still don't know what that is.
/RR: you up for a hint?
/doorEyes: I gave up on avoiding the mental images when you made that inhuman
sound in Bakugou's room two weeks ago.
/doorEyes: Hit me.
/RR: if dp is two in one then dp+ is four in three
/doorEyes: I regret ever asking.
/RR: i'll let you know the veredict after we try it out
/sugar: im still so lost
 
 
Kirishima goes bankrupt during a rather intense round of Monopoly. Since Yao-
momo insists on manning the bank (and Kirishima knows from past experience he's
not fast enough with head-math to provide bank for a frustrated Iida),
Kirishima is left to his own devices while the game continues. He pulls his
phone out and starts texting.
He giggles every so often, but that's pretty normal.
When he crosses his legs, Sero starts getting suspicious, but can't investigate
further because he landed on Yao-momo's fatally built-on property.
It's when Kirishima bites on his lip hard enough to bleed that Tokoyami draws
attention to it. "Kirishima, are you okay?"
"Hm?"
"Your mouth is bleeding."
Kirishima pulls his teeth out of his own flesh and pokes at his lip. "I should
be fine."
"You should clean that", Todoroki corrects.
"Maybe I should..." Kirishima trails off. He eyes his screen for a moment, then
writes another text.
"You look like you're reading a thriller", Iida says. "Are you okay?"
Kirishima opens his mouth to answer, but his phone demands his attention before
that. It's on silent so it doesn't ping or anything, so whatever Kirishima saw
must really warrant the face he's pulling.
He lights up like the sun, in more ways than one: his demeanor brightens, he
breaks into a toothy grin that can't be good for his bleeding lip and he goes
red in the face.
"All of you can suck my left nip", he yelps as he jumps up. He throws a two-
thousand yen bill at Sero. "Add it to my pool, I have this in the bag!"
"What the hell", Sero says, pulling out his wallet and taking a moment to make
sure he's not putting Monopoly money in it. "You were losing last time I
checked."
"Not anymore", Kirishima laughs, waving his phone at Sero. "In fact, dare I say
I'm in the lead?"
"No you're not. There's no way you got two of our idiots to cooperate at once."
"No", Kirishima admits, "But I got what you fuckers can't - I got the most
stubborn idiot to cooperate."
Sero blinks and stares at the waving phone. "Have you been sexting Baku fucking
right in front of our friends?"
Tokoyami chokes. He begins to chant, "I shall live through this, I shall live
through this..."
Kirishima laughs louder. "You agreed on the library! A public space!"
"There's a bit of a difference between an empty public space and the middle of
our shared living room while it's occupied!" Sero says.
"Oh, now you act like you know what shame is?"
"Look at Iida!" Sero pleads. "Fucking look at him! You broke him!"
Iida has laid down rigidly on the floor, clutching his Monopoly cards as he
attempts to perspire his way through the wood and into the welcoming embrace of
the deep earth below.
"I think it was a joint effort", Kirishima says. "But anyway I have to jet, the
sexiest man on the planet sent me a nude and I cannot let that go unanswered."
 
 
<TEAM BAKUGOU (PLUS KAMINARI)>
/sero(p)han: with a heavy heart i inform you all we just lost out chances to
victory
/murder: speak for yourself
/jam-yay: what happened?
/sero(p)han: the score is as follows
/sero(p)han: B1, Ki1, Ka1, S1, A0
/murder: out of four
/sero(p)han: FINE b1/4, ki1/4, ka1/4, s1/4, a0/4
/RR: now it looks too cluttered...
/murder: fuck you all it's the best way to write a score
/alienQueen: i'm confused?? who gave ei the nude?
/RR: katsuki!
/murder: can confirm
/alienQueen: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/jam-yay: fuck i should've quit while i was ahead
/jam-yay: how the hell did you even manage to convince him?
/RR: your friendly casanova's tip is to stop thinking of your own damn
boyfriend as some hard obstacle in a video game and actually try to seduce him
for no reason other than you want to seduce him
/murder: im smitten
/alienQueen: yeah gosh
/murder: hanta what's the pool looking like
/sero(p)han: we're at 42000y
/alienQueen: SAY WHAT
/sero(p)han: tokoyami bet another two on ei after hearing me
/RR: hanta chewed my ear out bc i was sexting katsuki while in polite company
/murder: was deku there
/RR: no
/murder: then good
/sero(p)han: he was super flustrated dude you shouldve seen his face
/RR: was not
/sero(p)han: you were the same color as your hair
/RR: WAS NOT
/murder: enough i already sexted once in the last hour cut this shit out
 
 
Ashido comes out of the shower and ponders in front of her closet. For some
reason it sounds like a magnificent idea to wear the skirt she'd lent to
Kaminari for what has been dubbed The Monday Thing.
On the other hand Sero and Kaminari are also going to be at Yao-momo's study
session and Ashido knows she'd be distracted wearing that with them there.
Her phone vibrates.
She pulls out a black-and-blue striped skirt and puts it on.
Her phone vibrates again. She dresses herself before she checks it, and
immediately wishes she hadn't.
Sero isn't even done writing his third sext and already Ashido wants to strip.
Her reply is more on the coy side, and she accompanies it with a selfie while
poking her tongue out. And apparently that's all it takes before Sero unleashes
The Beast Of Dirty Talk. Ashido finds herself flushing at every sentence and
Sero sends a couple of pictures with his shoulders in-frame and fuck if that
ain't a tease, so she pulls her shirt up and her bra down and takes what has to
be the sauciest not-nude she's ever sent to another human being.
Sero's response sends her lying on her bed, and she throws him a quick apology
because she'll start typing slower with one hand.
He laughs. He sends a picture of his chest. He says he's been getting better at
typing with one hand. He cracks a joke.
Ashido challenges him to send her a nude with the promise she won't send one
back.
Sero doubts that, so he sends the nude.
His arms are long enough to provide for that bird's-eye-view and his other hand
is palming himself but he is, indeed, very naked, and trusting enough to send
the damn nude. Or maybe he counts too much on Ashido's manners, but anyway the
picture she answers with isn't a nude but it still very much serves its purpose
here.
She can't get her face in the frame if her phone's between her legs. Her skirt
is loose and her fingers slide and the Monday Thing looks good on camera, too.
Sero cusses her out. Ashido laughs.
<TEAM BAKUGOU (PLUS KAMINARI)>
/alienQueen: A 1/4
/sero(p)han: can confirm but also piss off
/RR: what happened
/sero(p)han: she cheated
/alienQueen: did not
/sero(p)han: of course not we didnt even HAVE any rules i fucking hate
/RR: what
/sero(p)han: she sent a pic back but it wasnt a nude and somehow she managed to
make it hotter than any nude whouldve been and i didnt get a nude but i cant
even get mad bc the pic was gorgeous
/RR: what
/alienQueen: will it count at the score if i send a kinda-nude in the group
chat
/RR: i guess not
/alienQueen sent [TheMondayThing.jpg]
/RR: MINA FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK
/alienQueen: lmao
 
***** Sex Troubles *****
Chapter Summary
     normalize!! talking!! with friends!! about things that trouble you
     about sex!!
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Ashido wakes to a panicked yell. To her right, Kirishima jostles awake after
hearing it too, and nearly falls off the bed. Ashido catches him.
"What was--"
"It sounded like it came from Ochako's room, the floors and ceilings are too
thick to--"
"Then is Uraraka okay, should we--"
"I'll go, love, stay here."
She climbs over him and snatches his shirt, grabs her phone as she heads out.
On her way down the hall she pulls the shirt over her head (thank fuck it
reaches her thighs).
"Ochako, hun?" she knocks on the door. "Are you okay in there?"
Uraraka makes a frustrated sound loud enough to carry through the door. Another
voice answers her, maybe, but it's so muffled Ashido isn't sure she didn't
imagine it.
"Just a moment - I'm naked."
"I'm wearing nothing but Ei's shirt."
Uraraka cracks open the door and peeks an eye out at Ashido. "Did I wake you
up?"
"Yeah, are you okay? Did something happen?"
Uraraka opens the door a little more and looks to the side. "I'm not sure."
"Please elaborate, you're worrying me."
Uraraka bites her lip and fumbles with her grip on the door.
"Can I come in?"
"I have Deku in here."
"Well, cover him and let me in."
Midoriya does a little cough from inside. "It's fine, I'm... kind of decent?"
Uraraka lets Ashido in. Midoriya has wrapped Uraraka's blanket around himself
so that only his head pokes out.
He sees Ashido come in, goes for a 'good morning', sees a Whole Lotta Leg and
ends up too flustered to actually greet her.
"Alright", Uraraka says as she bends over to pick a shirt up from the floor.
Ashido politely looks away, accidentally makes eye contact with Midoriya.
"So, like, this is exactly what it looks like", Uraraka says, pulling the shirt
over her head. "And uh, there's a problem."
"What kind?" Ashido asks.
"Our condom broke? Maybe?" Uraraka slides a skirt on. "We're kind of
panicking."
"No yeah I could tell", Ashido says. She watches Midoriya pick up a pair of
pyjama pants out of what looks like a pile of his own clothes. "Are you sure it
broke?"
"We think so."
"Okay, back up. Did it, or did it not break?"
"Um." Uraraka and Midoriya exchange a look. "Okay so like. TMI warning."
"I'm sure I've done worse and I'll be more than happy to share some other
time."
"Right, right. So, uh, we do the do, right?" Uraraka fumbles with her shirt.
"And like any decent couple we use protection. I mean, condom. I'm not on the
pill or anything and fuck, I know at least three other types of protection but
I can't for the love of shit remember any of them now, oh my god, I'm a failure
of a safe fucker."
"It doesn't matter what else there is", Midoriya says, and now that Ashido
looks, she notices he's trembling. "We didn't use anything else."
"Right, yeah", Uraraka says. She takes a grounding breath. "So, condom. And
like, condoms have never failed me, I mean come on. And usually we wrap it up
in a tissue to throw it away and when I looked this morning the tissue was.
Super wet?"
Ashido frowns. "That could've been yours."
"It would've dried by now! We didn't stay up late enough for it to not have
dried by now. The only thing I can think of was that the condom tore
somewhere."
"Okay, still, no reason to panic", Ashido says, placing her arms on Uraraka's
shoulders to keep her from fidgeting herself to oblivion. "Maybe it tore when
it fell in the trash."
"And what if it didn't, Mina? What if it tore before? What if it was torn to
begin with?"
"Then one, check your condoms better for damage before you use them, two, calm
the fuck down. What day of your circle are you on?"
Uraraka pauses. "Oh. Fuck I don't know, let me check." She digs among the
clutter on her desk until she finds her phone.
"Circle?" Midoriya asks.
"Menstruation circle, Deku. What else could it be in this context?"
Midoriya slaps himself on the forehead. "Why didn't I think of that?"
Uraraka thumbs around on her phone. "A week 'till. So, twenty-second day." She
looks up. "That's good, right?"
"Yeah", Ashido scrathes her head. Belatedly she realizes that lifting her arm
also lifts her (Kirishima's) shirt, and only considers it because Midoriya
looks away. "Yeah, you should be fine."
Uraraka lets it sit with her for a minute, then finally breathes out a sigh of
relief. "Ohhhhh my god. Oh my god. I think I saw my life flash before my eyes.
I could just kiss you right now, Mina, hun."
Ashido opens her arms.
Uraraka hugs and kisses her.
Midoriya politely finds the wall very interesting.
"If you're still worried, I can get you a test or two", Ashido says, pulling
her shirt down when Uraraka steps back. "I have a box."
Uraraka furrows her brows. "You run into this problem often?"
"I have more dicks to worry about than you do."
Uraraka laughs, and just like that the tension finds its bitter end. "Thank you
so much for this, hun."
"Uh, yeah", Midoriya says, fumbling his hands, eventually settling for grabbing
the back of his neck since that's what hides more of his chest. "Thank you.
Really."
"I didn't do anything", Ashido shrugs.
When she goes back she has to spend a solid five minutes calming Kirishima
down.
 
 
Kaminari and Jirou enter the classroom together and so the rest of their
conversation shall remain a mystery for eternity, but the tail end of it is
Kaminari saying,
"Listen at this point I just know more about Eijirou's kinks than I do about my
own."
Thankfully the classroom is still missing a few students. And yet, Kirishima is
right there, smack dab in the middle.
"That can't be true", he says, like he was a part of the conversation from the
beginning. "I just have more than you."
"Exactly", Kaminari points. "And I know about them all. So I know more about
yours than mine."
"You don't. Know them all", Kirishima says. His shoulders tense and his ears
flush just a smidge.
Kaminari waves a hand. "Whatever I don't know, we're trying it as soon as we
can."
"I doubt you'd survive it, dude."
Kaminari kicks his chair. "For crying out loud, Ei,tell me you don't have a
Tetsutetsu-specific kink."
Kirishima brings his hand up to rest his chin on, and doesn't answer.
Kaminari slumps down into his seat and runs a hand down his face. "The one
fucking time that steel wins over electricity."
Kirishima giggles. "If you really want, I can talk to him and see if we can
make a spot for you."
"It doesn't fucking matter if I get to watch - what's the point when I know I'd
never get to do it?"
Kirishima grabs the back of Kaminari's hair and uses it to turn his head to the
side so he can make eye contact. "Denki did you just imply you'd turn down a
chance to watch a pair of dudes getting their hard on?"
Kaminari blinks.
"All puns intended", Kirishima adds, for clarification. "Who are you and what
have you done with the real Denki?"
"I", Kaminari says, eloquently.
"Ei, love, if he's not gonna take you up on it, can you see about getting that
spot for me?" Ashido calls from her own desk.
"Back off!" Kaminari calls back. "This is mine - get your own fucking shows!
Ei, when you ask him, ask him how well iron works with electricity, too."
"There's our voyager!" Kirishima laughs. "You had me worried there for a
moment."
"I'm not as much of a voyager as I am an exhibitionist", Kaminari mumbles.
"Stop fucking confusing the two."
Kirishima laughs some more.
 
 
<WHO RUN THE WORLD?>
/momore: Bath time at 8 tonight.
/momore: Let me know if you can't make it.
 
 
Tsuyu makes her way to the baths way earlier and just splashes around.
When the others arrive, they hurry through their showers so they can all sit in
the bath together.
"Feels like we haven't all met here in forever", Hagakure huffs as she makes a
dip in the bath. The water parts where she enters until it takes her exact
shape. "We should do this more often."
"It's nice, yeah", Uraraka says. She leans her head back against the wall.
"Ahh, feels like all my stress is melting away."
Yao-momo tucks her bangs behind her ear and splashes some water to her face.
"You look relaxed enough to sleep, Ochako. Is there something in particular
that's stressing you out?"
"Oh, right!" Uraraka opens her eyes and sits upright. "I had a pregnancy scare
yesterday morning, it must've cut ten years off my life."
Yao-momo blinks. "You what."
"Ochako for the love of anything you hold holy, tell me you didn't go
unprotected", Jirous begs.
"I didn't! We didn't. But we might've messed up and anyway Mina calmed me down
and now I think I'm good."
"You should still take a test in a week or two", Yao-momo frowns. "That's not
something to take lightly."
"I will! I will."
"Oh, right, guys, I have pregnancy tests if any of you ever need some", Ashido
says. "I got a box and now it's just sitting there."
"You bought it and you're not using it?"
"I mean, if I'm bored, I'll take one, just in case, you know? But mostly I
don't bother. It's not like I'm ever short on condoms."
"Bullshit", Uraraka says. "Just the other day Bakugou had to run to his own
room to get some."
"Exactly, if I don't have any, at least one of my boys will. Wait, how do you
know he was?"
Uraraka shrugs. "What else could he be in such a hurry to get, after the rest
of you all agreed to go fuck? And why else would he have preferred running
around the building to passing by us again?"
"That's what he was doing?" Jirou says. "I thought he got angry at them and
left or something."
"But he was with them the next morning."
"Didn't he fuck with Sero that morning?"
Tsuyu puts a finger to her cheek. "I don't get that. If you guys did it at
night, why would those two do it again in the morning?"
Ashido laughs. "Sometimes it's nice! I think mostly they wanted to make up for
not getting a turn with each other the previous night."
"You try to get each pair?" Yao-momo frowns. "That must be so inconvenient."
"Not really, to both." Ashido thinks about it for a moment. "How many pairs are
there?"
"Ten", Yao-momo says, with zero hesitation.
"Do you just know this off the top of your head?"
"No, I just know the formula. I could tell you the number of pairs to any
amount of people in a relationship."
"Three", Jirou says.
"Three", Yao-momo says.
"Seven."
"Twenty-one."
"What? No way.
"You have to square the number to get every possible combination, then subtract
your number so you don't end up with pairs made up of the same person counted
twice. And then you half that result and what you get is the amount of pairs
available."
Uraraka frowns in thought. "How many couples can you make out of the entire
class?"
"One hundred and ninety."
They sit in silence for a while, trying to do the math or simply to swallow the
number.
Hagakure clears her throat. "So I have a date with Ojiro tomorrow after
school."
"Nice."
"And I think it might be. The date. You know."
Uraraka cocks her head to the side. "Huh?"
"I think we're gonna, um. Do stuff."
Ashido throws her hands up, making a splash. "Tooru, you wild wild girl! Go get
some!"
"You sound nervous, ribbit."
Hagakure fidgets, stirring the water around her. "Well, I don't know what's
gonna happen. I was actually hoping for some advice from you guys, since you've
all done stuff before."
Tsuyu slides down into the water until it covers her nose.
"It should go without saying that you have to use protection", Yao-momo says.
"Do you have any condoms?"
"No."
"I can give you a box", Uraraka says.
"Do you know how to use them properly?" Yao-momo asks, brushing her stubborn
bangs behind her ear again.
"Properly? Is it like, difficult to do or something?"
"No, nothing like that", Yao-momo assures her. "Just make sure it's not damaged
in any way before you use one. And then you have to pinch the top before you
put it on, so there's room in there."
"Oh! Yeah, I saw a tutorial for that. But it didn't really look sexy. Though I
guess it had to not be so it could count as education and not be taken down..."
"What about lube?" Ashido says.
Hagakure audibly swallows. "What about it?"
"Do you have any?"
"I don't think I'll need it? I mean, lube goes in the butt, right?"
"Mostly it goes on the dick. Dicks don't get wet until after the fact, you
know."
"I'll just give you lubed condoms", Uraraka says. "Oh, but then you won't be
able to use your hands..."
"You could give him a handy with a condom. Or you could each give yourselves a
handy, but then he'd still probably want some lube, so give him a condom
anyway", Ashido says. "And use a condom even if you give him head, okay? It
doesn't matter if it's wet enough and you can't get pregnant like that."
"Basically just roll a condom on, first thing you do", Jirou says.
Hagakure squirms. "I don't think I'll give him head... I mean, come on girls,
please. I don't know what I'm doing."
"Do you know if he's clean?" Yao-momo says. "Or if you are, for that matter?"
"I... don't know? I've never, uh, been with anyone, and I don't think he has,
either."
Yao-momo slaps her bangs back. "If he's going to give you head, you can cut a
condom to turn it into a dental dam."
"I remember you guys talking about that! I didn't know you could cut a condom."
"You can. With scissors. Clean scissors. Boil them if you have to."
"You're all much more helpful than I thought you'd be. I thought you'd just
crack some jokes and leave me to my own devices."
"No way", Tsuyu croaks. "We love you and we want you safe and happy, Tooru,
hun."
"Thanks, hun."
"Oh, but he has a tail", Uraraka says, scratching her head. "That might be some
trouble. Maybe he can't lie on his back well?"
"And he won't be able to see you", Jirou frowns. "I can't think of anything
that'll help with that."
"You can keep a jacket on, or something", Ashido says. "Maybe some socks so he
knows where your legs are. Some high socks."
"Yeah, I was thinking something like that", Hagakure says. "I already have some
thigh-highs picked out."
"Are they cute?"
"White-and-blue stripes."
"He's gonna be smitten."
 
 
The next evening Ashido and Jirou are primed and ready for Hagakure and Ojiro
to return from their date. Ashido has perfected the skill of looking
uninterested. Jirou has her playlist at the ready.
However the person who pushes open the doors is neither of the expected
lovebirds, and actually none of the unexpected lovebirds. In fact he's not even
in the class.
"Are you sure he's okay?" Tetsutetsu says to whoever he's holding the door open
for.
"Yeah, it happens", Kirishima says, coming in after Tetsutetsu with Kaminari on
his back. "He'll be fine after we get some volts in him."
Tetsutetsu scrunches up his face. "Is that safe?"
"It's his quirk!"
Kaminari's drooling on Kirishima's shoulder.
"Okay, what the fuck happened?" Ashido says.
Tetsutetsu turns around, suddenly aware that this isn't even his dorm. "Uh,
hey."
"Hey!" Kirishima greets. He sits Kaminari on a couch. "Denki short-circuited."
Ashido plugs the charger out of her phone and feeds it to Kaminari's mouth.
"How? And why did you let him? And most importantly are you okay?"
"We're fine!" Kirishima says. "Apparently steel is a supreme conductor."
"Did you not know that", Jirou says. "How can you not know that. Did Tetsutetsu
not know that."
"I knew that!" Tetsutetsu says. "I just didn't know it'd do him likethis!" He
gestures at Kaminari, who's started blinking more.
"Hey so, trying to pass an electrical current through a steel surface and to
another person? Very bad idea", Kirishima says. "Drains Denki right the fuck
out. On the other hand things were going great before we tried that."
Ashido wiggles her eyebrows. "Things were going great?"
Kirishima laughs. "They went great! A great lay, really. It was only afterwards
that we tried the thing."
"Oh my god y'all are actually shameless", Tetsutetsu says. "I thought you were
exaggerating."
"I'd never", Kirishima says.
Kaminari takes the charger out of his mouth, runs his tongue over his lips a
few times, then puts it back in.
"You're so lucky Sero isn't here", Jirou says. "He's the most shameless of them
all. It's actually painful sometimes."
"It's not painful where it counts if you know what I'm saying", Ashido says.
"This", Tetsutetsu gestures at her, "isn't even their worst?"
"No way, man", Kirishima laughs. "Just the other day we had a dick
competition."
"A spoken dick competition", Jirou hurries to clarify, "Mina just picked which
dick was better, for crying out loud, Kirishima, don't make it sound like y'all
just dropped your pants in public."
Kirishima leans to Tetsutetsu and hides his mouth behind his hand. "My dick
won."
"My quirk won", Kaminari drawls. He tests his mouth before he sticks the
charger in the corner of it. "And now Tetsu can vouch for me, right?"
Tetsutetsu covers half his face. "Come on, man."
"Don't worry about it, we've all slept with Kaminari here", Jirou says. "You'd
be preaching to the choir."
"Just how many people is Kami dating?"
"Just us four", Ashido says. "I mean me and Ei and Katsuki and Hanta, not, you
know, you and Jirou."
"I like how you said 'just' you four", Jirou says. "Like it's a small number."
"Compared to how many people he's slept with?" Kirishima shrugs. "It's kinda
small, you have to admit."
Kaminari gives a thumbs-up. "I'm pretty sure I'm second-most laid, if not most.
By the way whose charger am I making out with?"
"Mine."
"Thanks, Mina."
They damn near miss Hagakure and Ojiro sneaking into the elevator. Jirou starts
her playlist.
 
 
Hagakure makes a single comment the next day, about her hickeys and how no one
will ever know whether she has any or not.
Ojiro knows, but doesn't share. In fact, when asked, all the fucker does is
laugh.
 
Chapter End Notes
     hey in case you're wondering the shipping science is (n^2 - n)/2 and
     i got it from dirk homestuck here.
     most useful bit of math i've ever learnt
***** Return of the Filth *****
Chapter Summary
     ,,, i changed to first names mid-chapter,,,,, sorry it's just too
     awkward to refer to them by family names when they do the do and i
     McFreaking Can't write the entire class' first names on the regular
     BAKUSQUAD is a different chat than TEAM BAKUGOU (PLUS KAMINARI), i
     wasn't sure if that was clear!
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
<BAKUSQUAD>
/jam-yay: i think it's time
/sero(p)han: for what
/jam-yay: a katsu-fest
/RR: im always down for a katsufest
/alienQueen: we know, ei
/RR: you could dump a bucket of icewater on my face in the middle of the night
and i'd still be down for a katsufest
/alienQueen: we know ei
/RR: it's bullshit how few of those we've had
/jam-yay: speaking of, how many HAVE we had?
/RR: two
/alienQueen: two
/sero(p)han: do you actually keep track
/RR: yes
/alienQueen: i keep track of all the fests
/sero(p)han: how many hanta fests have we had
/alienQueen: five to six depending on if you count the great denki-hanta-fest
/jam-yay: i thought i put y'all under legal contract to not talk about the
great denki-hanta-fest
/alienQueen: i acknowledge no such thing
/RR: enough let's not get distracted by the real topic of conversation, when
are we having the katsufest?
/RR: are we telling him?
/RR: where are we doing it and if it's at the dorms how much are we bribing our
neighbors to stay away?
/alienQueen: i have a date with jirou and yaomomo next wednesday but i'd cancel
that for a katsufest
/alienQueen: let's surprise him
/alienQueen: i volunteer my room but i'd also like katsuki's room
/alienQueen: i can offer up to 3000y
/jam-yay: anytime/ no/ katuski's room sounds right/ up to 5000y
/sero(p)han: all of the above and also my room and 2000y
/RR: i love you guys
/RR: so much
/RR: i can add like 10000y
/sero(p)han: JESUS CHRIST EIJIROU
 
 
Sero puts his butt against the back of the couch and bends backwards until he's
upside-down next to Shouji.
"Shouji", Sero smiles.
Shouji gives a nervous glance at the rest of the people in the room. "...Yes?"
Sero offers an envelope. "15000 yen to stay out of your room tonight."
"Deal", Shouji says, zero hesitation, snatching the envelope. "Fumikage, half
of this to sleep at yours?"
"Deal", Tokoyami says, already grabbing for the envelope.
Ashido pulls Sero right-side up. As soon as his spine regains a human position
he shoots a strip of tape straight to Bakugou and pulls him. Kirishima takes
most of the hit of the screaming mass of anger flying at 80kmh, thank fuck.
"What the tittering shit", Bakugou yells. "Did you just fucking pay the asshole
to stay away?"
"Absolutely."
"Fifteen thousand?"
"Yes."
"Did you put fifteen thousand yen in an envelope and hand it to Peephole over
there in the middle of the common room, Hanta?"
"Yes."
"Fifteen?"
"Would I lie if there's sex involved? There's fifteen, he can fucking count
it." Sero throws Bakugou over his shoulder and waddles over to the elevators.
"It's time."
"For what? Put me down."
"It's time", Ashido nods.
"For fucking what?"
"It's time", Kaminari confirms.
"I will murder all of you", Bakugou grabs Sero's hair with one hand and his
neck with the other. "Time for what."
Kirishima puts a hand on either side of Bakugou's face and brings his own very
close. "It's time."
Bakugou blinks. "Oh." He lets go of Sero's hair and neck, and the elevator
doors open. "You could fucking ask."
"Surprise", Kirishima laughs.
The elevator doors close behind them.
Shouji laughs. "It's actually fifteen."
 
"So what's the deal", Katsuki says when Hanta lets him walk again.
"We were just craving a Katsu-fest", Denki laughs. "Mostly Ei."
"Guilty as charged", Eijirou puts his hands up.
Katsuki looks at him with his door half-open, and just stares. "God I love you
so much", he says eventually.
"Aw, I love you too!"
Katsuki goes to lock his door after they all get inside, but Mina grabs his
shoulders from behind and pulls him away. Hanta gets the door.
"Am I gonna wear a skirt?" Katsuki growls.
"Not unless you want to", Denki says. He kisses Katsuki's nose, brings a hand
up under that damn skull shirt.
"Fuck no", Katsuki says. "I wouldn't fit in any of Mina's, can you fucking
imagine?"
Denki's hand finds a pec and rests there. "I can think of a couple of things
you could fit in."
Katsuki kisses him before he answers. "Some other time."
As they make out they don't even notice when Mina switches places with Eijirou.
It's not until Katsuki feels a set of teeth on his neck too sharp to be Mina's
that he realizes that it's Eijirou he's leaning back against. He brings a hand
back to grab at Eijirou's hip.
"Can I pretty please fuck you really soft and slow" Eijirou asks in Katuki's
throat.
Katsuki unsticks his face from Denki's. "Can I ride you hard and fast
afterwards?"
Eijirou smiles all fangs. "Sure."
Mina fans herself. "Leave some for me, geez."
"I'm fine with leftovers", Hanta says, a little too red in the face.
"Yo, no one's getting leftovers", Katsuki points, his scowl a little offset by
the fact that Eijirou and Denki are making out over his shoulder. "I don't give
a shit if I have to edge all night, y'all are getting full meals."
Mina fans herself louder. "Can I be the one to stretch you open? I don't really
have any other way to be in you."
Denki and Eijirou pause.
"Sure", Katsuki says, and predictably slithers his way out of the sandwich he
was in. He pulls Mina to the bed and she gets to work before they even get to
strip all their clothes.
"Mina, you have to get a nightstand too", Hanta says, taking off his shirt and
choosing to sit in the chair. "You have to admit it's way easier to reach for
stuff like that."
"Aw but then it'll block my access to the balcony door", Mina says, too
casually, like she isn't fingering her boyfriend mid-conversation. "There's
only so much space. And it's not that much trouble to grab stuff from behind
the bed."
"It's a bit trouble", Eijirou admits.
"You're a literal rock", Mina says. "You don't count. Any movement is trouble
to you."
"Not true."
"Fucking true", Katsuki growls. "You'd grow roots if you weren't such a gym
rat. The only thing that saves you-- saves you from fusing with the ground
itself - Mina I swear to fuck - is your need to work out every minute of your-
- Mina--"
Mina angles her hand back. "Hm?"
"Fucking--" Katsuki begins, but doesn't finish. One of his hands supports his
weight and the other clutches at Mina's bicep, partly to ground himself, mostly
to feel up the muscle there.
"What is it?" Mina bats her lashes at him. Her other hand runs up and down his
thigh.
"You fucking know what it is", Katsuki pants. "You're too fucking good at
this."
"Aw, stop it, you", she says. "You're plenty good yourself."
Katsuki knocks his forehead to hers. "Yeah?"
"Yeah." She turns her head to the side without breaking eye contact. "Ei,
love?"
Eijirou materializes out of thin air behind her. "You called?"
Mina turns around and sucks face with Eijirou without taking her hand out of
Katsuki.
"Oi", he complains.
Eijirou tangles a hand in Mina's hair.
"Hey, you fucks."
Mina gasps. Katsuki can't see where Eijirou's other hand is.
"You motherfuckers", Katuski growls. He turns to Denki and Hanta for support
but they, too, seem hellbent on ignoring him. He snarls, grabs Mina's wrist and
slips her hand out.
Mina turns around. "That is so rude, babe. I was in the middle of something."
There's drool on her chin.
Katsuki bites her cheek. "If Ei doesn't fuck me right the fuck now I'm leaving
and then good luck on having a fiveway with four people."
Mina grumbles and leaves the bed.
Eijirou laughs. "You said you'd be fine with slow."
"Yeah as long as you're actually fucking me, which you're not, shithead, get
over here." He plants his back on the bed and opens his arms upwards.
Eijirou crawls over Katsuki.
"Let's team up on him later", Mina says. She eyes her hand with distaste.
Denki passes her a wet wipe that he took out of - is that a pikachu backpack.
Does Denki own a pikachu backpack.
Eijirou slides in and Katsuki forgets the backpack.
"Now can I go slow?" Eijirou says.
"As fucking slow as you want", Katsuki breathes.
So he does.
Mina cleans her hand and trashes the wet wipe. As an afterthought she kicks the
trash can closer to the bed. She hoists herself up to sit on the desk.
Hanta gets up from the chair and sits in her lap.
"Hi there", he says. He's a little too tall to lean his head back on her
shoulder, but he tries anyway.
"Hey, love", Mina says. "Whatcha up to?"
"Oh you know, the usual."
Over his shoulder Mina can see the metronome of the buff boys and is reasonably
distracted. "The usual?"
He climbs down then back up in her lap so he's straddling her. "Baby can you at
least look at me when I'm in your lap?"
Mina looks at him, now that he takes up so much of her field of vision. He
grins when he gets her attention, a wide triangle of teeth that makes Mina want
to smooch it. So she does.
Denki looks at the two pairs. Would it be rude to snap a picture or two? It
probably would be. He rolls the chair next to the bed and settles there to
watch the shows. He has to do a double take because - is Katsuki crying? What
is he mumbling? What's Eijirou mumbling, for that matter?
Denki leans closer to hear.
"-- anything I do", Katsuki is saying. "And it fucking sucks because you'd
never know, because who the shit cares what I do, when--"
"I care", Eijirou says, slowly, softly, in the same rhythm he's set for them.
"I care I care I care. I care so much, I want to know everything you do, every
little thing you do to make the world better."
Katsuki rubs his eye. His other hand has nails digging in Eijirou's flesh.
"What's one person's thoughts to the whole damn world."
"I don't give a fuck if I'm the only one who cares so much", Eijirou says, and
fuck, he's crying too. "Saving as much as a single person is so much more than
what most people do in their entire lives. You're so young and you've saved
dozens, Katsuki, and all those people will think about you at least once in
their lives, the next time they're in trouble, and the thought of you will give
them hope."
Katsuki stutters.
"Your actions will inspire hope", Eijirou says, even softer somehow, "not your
attitude. You can cuss them out to kingdom come but they can't help but think
of you as the one who saved them. Because you did."
"So did you", Katsuki says. "You soft bastard, do you have any idea how many
people you've saved? And you actually manage to do it with your attitude. And
your actions and your words and sometimes your mere presence can calm people
down." He takes a deep breath, throws his head back. Lazily he rolls it to the
side so he can look at Eijirou again. "You calm me down."
Eijirou smiles. "Yeah?"
Katsuki snorts. He gestures at the rest of them with a hand. "You think I'd
have any of this without you?"
Eijirou laughs, hides his face in Katsuki's shoulder. "Probably not."
Katsuki runs his fingers through Eijirou's hair - thankfully unstyled. "I love
you so much."
"I love you so much too", Eijirou says, and bites down hard.
Katsuki barely flinches. "Switch?"
"Switch."
They fumble around until Eijirou is flat on his back and Katsuki climbs on him.
"You're seriously bleeding", Eijirou says.
Katsuki looks down at his shoulder at the imprint of shark teeth there. "Denki
there's gauze in the top drawer..."
Denki already has the gauze in hand and just slaps it on there to keep the
blood from getting all over the place - they'll do a proper dressing later. He
secures it with a cross of medical tape. Hanta's tape is too strong to put on
skin.
As soon as Denki takes his hands back, Katsuki starts riding Eijirou like his
life depends on it. It's so harsh Denki can barely watch.
Doesn't seem to be fazing either of them.
The right half of Eijirou's face is covered in his quirk and his right hand
grows rigid. He brings it up and Katsuki grabs it and fire slams itself between
them. It doesn't sound more than a firecracker and Katsuki uses his hold on
Eijirou's forearm to smash it on the bed.
"Katsuki--" Eijirou gasps.
"I know I know", Katsuki pants, his face hovering close above Eijirou's. "Me
too."
Katsuki plants his other hand on Eijirou's abs and explodes, and it's a wonder
Eijirou even knows when to harden with Katsuki moving so fast.
Their kiss is more of an attempt to devour each other as they finish, and Denki
is vaguely terrified and super turned on.
They breathe fast and deep, dizzy and flushed as they wind down. Katsuki
trashes both of their condoms and lies down on Eijirou. It's sweaty and sticky
and Eijirou's right shoulder is still sort-of hard.
"Can I", Denki pauses to swallow. "Can I squeeze in there?"
Eijirou laughs and softens his skin. Katsuki lifts an arm up. Denki crawls
under it and between the two masses of sweat.
"We're drenched", Eijirou says. "Sorry."
"It's not that bad", Denki says.
"It is", Katsuki huffs. "We're a mess."
Eijirou takes a deep breath and joke's on all of them because his chest expands
easily as if there weren't two entire people on it. "Let me just", he says, and
slips to the side and off the bed. He lies down on the floor. "Oh, much
better."
Katsuki hums on Denki's chest. "Alright who's next."
"No one!" Mina giggles. "We" - she gestures - "are gonna triple-tag you."
Katsuki giggles back. "Oh my god."
"I call riding him", Hanta says.
"I call riding his face", Mina says.
Denki throws his head back on the pillow. "Then I guess I'll just not move from
here."
"Fine by me", Katsuki shrugs, and passes condoms around because, well, better
get them all on now than fumble for them later. He lies his back down on Denki.
"No wait, fuck, I'm too heavy, you'll die." He sits back up and pulls Denki
with him.
"I'll be fine", Denki tries to argue, but he's already wheezing from having
Katsuki's weight on him for three solid seconds. He settles for being
manhandled to sit between Katsuki's legs.
"Okay", Katsuki says. "Okay. Let me think. If Hanta's going to - yeah okay,
Denki, get in here."
"What a master of seduction", Denki rolls his eyes.
Katsuki grabs Denki's hair with one hand and his length with the other, leans
close until their foreheads touch. "Babe I need you to fill me up right the
fuck now, or I'm gonna lose my mind."
Denki nods with a silly smile and a furious blush and complies. "Yeah, yeah
okay."
Hanta throws one long leg between them. "You still haven't told me what you did
in the locker room to get Denki all flustered." He pushes Katsuki's shoulders
back until there's enough space to fit between the two them.
"I told you I'll tell you after the bet", Katsuki says, lying down. "It wasn't
even anything much."
"He just caught me off-guard", Denki says. He slots his chin on Hanta's
shoulder.
"I'm more interested in what he told Ei when we first placed the bet", Mina
says, with one knee on the bed. "Or is he just that eager?"
"I'll tell y'all after the bet", Katsuki says. "Now come here."
"Dam?"
"Bottom drawer."
Hanta sinks down on Katsuki, and Katsuki has to take a few moments to breathe
and orient himself because, among other things, he didn't see Hanta prep. Just
what were Hanta and Mina doing on the poor desk?
Mina returns from the depths of the nightstand and situates herself over
Katsuki's face after she makes sure he'll hold the dam on her so he can
breathe. She puts a hand on his chest and leans forward to make out with Hanta
as they begin moving.
It's hella awkward but eventually Denki finds a rhythm that keeps things even
and sends them little shocks to sync them up. At first Katsuki doesn't even
notice it, but then the electricity makes a soft crackling sound so he catches
on.
Mina has to pull away from Hanta's face and shake her head to regain her
breathing. She wraps a hand around Hanta and grabs the back of his neck with
her other hand, and pulls him down into her shoulder so she can tongue wrestle
with Denki too. Hanta takes this wonderfully presented opportunity to start on
a hickey on her collarbone. He bucks in her hand.
"Y'all mind if I snap a pic", Eijirou says more than asks. He gets four thumbs-
up in answer so he fumbles with his phone for a moment before he immortalizes
what ought to be the best picture his phone has ever saved. "Thanks."
Katsuki plants his heels down and lifts his hips up. It causes a chain
reaction; Denki stuffs his thighs under Katsuki's butt to keep him up; Hanta
gets tilted forward and barrels right onto Mina; Mina uses the new angle to
stroke him faster and bites his ear, since he's at the right height anyway.
Hanta absolutely loses it.
"Okay, fuck, I'm done. Let me off", he groans. "I'm gonna pass out."
Eijirou helpfully picks him up and sits at the chair with Hanta cradled in his
arms.
Denki lets Katsuki's hips fall.
"Let's flip over", Mina pants. "My legs are getting super wobbly. Let me on my
back." She lifts herself up.
Katsuki frowns, but rolls over and helps her get comfortable in his pillows. He
and Denki maneuver around to get situated again, and finally Katsuki can
continue his meal.
... Which, holy fuck, is the worst way to phrase it, and as soon as the thought
forms in Mina's head she has to cover her face. She buries her back deeper in
the pillows and sneaks a glance between her fingers at her blond boys. The view
is infinitely better from here.
For one thing, she couldn't see Katsuki's red red eyes staring at her while he
eats her out before.
She bites her lip and comes. Katsuki grabs one of her thighs to keep her from
crushing his skull with them.
She tugs him back by the hair and lets him rest his head on her thigh while
Denki whistles at them.
"You two are like, aesthetics couple", he says without slowing down in the
slightest.
"I beg to fucking differ", Katsuki pants. "Mina and Ei."
Hanta kicks a lazy foot back and forth. "Mina and Ei for aesthetics, Katsu and
Mina for sexy times. Ei and Katsu are the power couple."
"You and Mina for the shamelessness", Eijirou says into Hanta's hair. "Denki
and Katsuki because I'm weak for things that can destroy me."
"Denki and Ei for the quirk combination", Katsuki moans into Mina's thigh. "And
also aesthetics, but that's secondary."
"Sometimes I look at my boyfriends and wonder how the fuck did I snatch these
catches", Mina says. "Then they start a conversation on aesthetics while two of
them are still fucking and I wonder why I put up with them."
"Is that really a question?" Katsuki grins.
"Oh no."
"Oh yes." And he dives back in, and this time the stars Mina sees are the good
kind.
Denki takes pity on her and sparks them all up and it's glorious.
"I'm kinda getting flashbacks here", Hanta drawls. "Baby what is it with you
and fucking us while we're giving head? And finishing that up with your quirk."
Mina huffs. "If he hadn't, Katsuki would've killed me with his heavenly tongue
and wild looks. Denki just saved my life, daddy, don't bitch at him."
Hanta screams and damn near falls off Eijirou's lap. "What!?"
Mina snorts. "You fucking heard me."
Eijirou drags Hanta back in his lap. "C'mon daddy, chill out."
"You too, you traitor?" Hanta howls. "I trusted you! I almost just dozed off on
you and you treat me like this?"
"To be fair", Denki says as he melts into the mattress, "you kinda had it
coming, daddy."
"You're all dead to me", Hanta snarls.
"Hey", Katsuki says. "That's my line, daddy."
Hanta hurls his sock straight to Katsuki's face. Fortunately for all parties
involved, he catches it mid-air.
"I'm divorcing all of you", Hanta says.
Mina leans back on the wall and splays a leg out. "Yeah okay sure", she
gestures between Eijirou and Hanta, "which one of you has recovered enough to
give me the good dick so we can call it a night."
"I've been told I have the Best Dick", Eijirou laughs.
"I hear any one of you utter that despicable word at me again and no one is
ever getting any good dick", Hanta growls.
Eijirou slips a hand around Hanta's waist. "We were just poking fun, you know
that."
"Are you sure about that."
"Well I mean, if you did have a daddy kink I'm sure we'd all be down", Eijirou
says. "Or, at least, I sure as hell would be. But, if all it does is make you
uncomfortable..."
Hanta should be more concerned with the end of that sentence than he is about
the hand grabbing at his chest.
"... then I guess we'll drop it, daddy."
Hanta stands up and roundhouse kicks Eijirou in the sides. Fucker doesn't even
harden, that's how little threat Hanta poses.
"Oi Hanta", Mina whines. "Come work that energy off on me."
"No, I'm revoking all privileges", Hanta says. "See if I call any of you 'baby'
anytime soon."
"What? No!" Mina jumps up and grabs Hanta's arm - he goes to pull it away but
she grabbed him above the elbow. "Babe I'm sorry, please don't take back any of
your nicknames, I'm fucking livid every time you open your mouth", she says.
"Wait no yes", Eijirou says. "Please please please don't change that! I'm
sorry, love, please!"
Hanta pauses. "... I actually really like it when you two call us 'love'."
"You do?" Mina says loosening her grip on him. "I thought you were embarrassed
by mushy stuff like that."
"Me? Embarrassed?"
"You always blush so hard", Mina reasons.
"Well, yeah, I like it."
Mina smiles. "You like it, love?"
Eijirou plants his chin on top of her head, behind her horns. "Aw, love, can we
make it up to you?"
"I guess", Hanta cocks his head to the side.
"Okay then!" Mina claps her hands. "Let us give you a show, love."
Hanta gives a small giggle. "Okay, baby."
Eijirou turns to look at the bed. He locks eyes with Katsuki and magic happens.
"Oh! Yeah, fuck, sure", Katsuki goes. He grabs Denki by the arm and pulls him
to the desk and chair.
Mina pushes Hanta to lie down on the bed and she crawls over him. Eijirou
climbs behind her and she eyes him over her shoulder.
She cups Hanta's face and tilts it down so he can watch Eijirou sliding in her.
Hanta is only vaguely distracted by the fact that his condom is bright red.
Mina sucks on the side of Hanta's neck and she keeps her shoulders up and his
face down to make sure he doesn't miss a thing.
"Give me your hand", she purrs in his ear.
He moves his hand to where Eijirou disappears into Mina and does his best for
them. It's not long before they both finish.
Mina lets herself drop down on Hanta. Eijirou lies on his side with his back to
the wall.
They breathe.
 
 
Ashido stumbles into the common room with dried sweat in her hair and forming
hickeys on her throat. Midoriya does a hilarious spittake.
Ashido's wearing Sero's pants and they are decidedly not helping her cockeyed
walk. She shuffles over to the coffee table and picks up her phone. She rests
her hip on the side of the couch as she scrolls.
Shouji clears his throat. "Did you pay me to stay out all night when you were
going to be done by now?"
"Oh no", Ashido says, not looking up from her phone. "For the sake of your
sanity do stay out until tomorrow."
Hagakure puts a hand on Ashido's shoulder. "So are your boys still going,
or...?"
"No, we're probably gonna sleep. Maybe." Ashido looks to the ceiling in
thought. "Though we might try finding the answer to my question."
Tsuyu sticks her tongue out. "The question from last week?"
"Yeah."
"Well, you know our thoughts", Tsuyu says, gesturing between her and Hagakure,
for lack of any other girls present.
Ashido smiles. "Yeah. Oh, by the way, Shouji, Tooru, remember the theory about
Hanta having a daddy kink? Busted. Though, Eijirou might."
"Why are you telling me", Shouji asks with mild horror.
"You two know everything", Ashido shrugs. "I'm half-convinced the only reason
we operate so smoothly as a class is because you two know everything."
Hagakure scratches her head. "Well, that's at least partly true. I use my
knowledge for good."
"That's a fucking lie", Tokoyami says. "Just yesterday you were bugging me
about your hickeys."
"Was not!"
"You tried to get me to bite you!" Tokoyami gestures both hands at her. "Ojiro
was right next to you!"
"No! I was just wondering if you could make a hickey, that's all!"
"See this is exactly why we need to combine our knowledge", Shouji says. "If
either one of us knew everything about this class, we would all collectively
implode."
"Are you telling me you know whether Tokoyami can make hickeys?"
"Maybe I do. I guess that's just another thing you'll never know."
Tokoyami face-palms. "Babe please, they know we fuck."
"Yeah but they don't know if we've tried hickeys."
"Now that I think about it..." Midoriya mumbles. "Shouji, I have no idea what
your mouth looks like."
"Then maybe you'll never know whether I can make hickeys, either."
Tokoyami snarls. "... Do you want me to take my choker off, because I will,
Mezou, don't test me."
"You know what never mind!" Shouji says. "In fact, oh wow, would you look at
the time, I'm going off to bed, goodnight."
"You've been paid to stay out of your bed", Tokoyami smirks. "You paid me to
keep you in mine. What are you gonna do, break into my room?"
"No", Shouji says, picking Tokoyami up with his left arms. "I'm gonna take you
with me."
"I can't believe the sappiest couple in the entire class is made up of a goth
bird and a buff octopus", Hagakure says.
"I can", Ashido says, finally pocketing her phone. In Sero's pocket, because
she's still wearing Sero's pants. "And I'm going to go try to combat it by
being sappy with my own boos. See ya."
 
 
<THE [FLEXING ARM EMOJI] ONES>
/RR: who's awake
/sugar: did you know elephants aren't actually afraid of mice
/RR: no but thanks for telling me im sure that'll come in handy some day
/doorEyes: It's half past one in the morning.
/RR: shouji! just the username i was hoping to see
/RR: we have a verdict
/doorEyes: I see you typing and let me stop you right there because whatever it
is you're about to say, I thought of something much worse and for the sake of
sparing yourself and the rest of the chat the mental image, I highly suggest
telling me jack shit about your verdict because I WILL counter, Kirishima. I
will.
/RR: aw come on
/doorEyes: Don't you dare.
/RR: but it was good! super hard to get into position though. and also
impossible to move, we had it going for like ten seconds before we all agreed
it wasn't worth the trouble
/doorEyes: Hey Kirishima please consider that my quirk lets me make duplicates
of literally any body part of mine.
/doorEyes: Just fucking picture that for a moment.
/RR: uh
/sugar: uh
/doorEyes: I can have five dicks.
/sugar: UH
/doorEyes: And of course I can duplicate the duplicates, so take a fucking
moment to consider that no matter what the fuck you do, Kirishima, I can always
do something worse.
/doorEyes: Y'all could try to gangbang me and I'd gangbang the lot of you by
my-fucking-self.
/doorEyes: So spare me the details.
/RR: ,,,,,,,,,,,,bro,,,,,,,,,,
/RR: ,,,,,,,,,, do you WANT us to gangbang you?
/RR: do you want to gangbang us??????
/doorEyes: I will come into your room and murder you all.
/RR: joke's on you we're in katsuki's room
/sugar: dont fucking tell him where you are!
/RR: oh please what is he gonna do
/RR: one-man-gang-bang me?
/doorEyes: I'm going to shove four dicks down your throat, turn them into
hands, and strangle you from inside out.
/RR: hot
/doorEyes: Please just let me sleep and never fucking tell me about your sex
life ever again.
/sugar: bro i can't believe you won that one
/RR: i've hung out with hanta enough that i can win any argument if it's about
sex, bruh
/RR: unless i'm arguing against hanta, in which case, haha, i'm fucked.
literally, often.
/sugar: dude
/RR: i have a fifty/fifty chance of winning a sex argument against katsuki but
i can handle the rest of you no problem
/sugar: speaking of your partners why are you texting at two in the morning
/RR: i pulled a muscle and im getting a massage
/doorEyes: WAS I NOT FUCKING CLEAR ENOUGH
/RR: CRYSTAL!! CRYSTAL!!
 
 
They didn't think it through as well as they'd thought they had.
They have school the next day, and Bakugou CanNot walk.
The good news is that they don't have combat training today, so they're spared
from doing a walk of even more shame.
The bad news is that the walk of shame still ensues, and in fact carries out
the whole day. It can barely even be called that. They're wearing their
uniforms, for fuck's sake. Bakugou isn't even walking - Sero lugs him around.
Sometimes Kirishima.
Bakugou stays in his seat until the schoolday is over and he can finally move
without any of the teachers questioning his mobility.
 
Chapter End Notes
     one man gang-bang shouji idea is actually from this_lovely_fic, i
     urge you to give it a read if you're interested! and don't worry if
     the idea irks you, it's not too descriptive.
***** Fireproof *****
Chapter Summary
     ohh burn baby burn
Bakugou sets a pot of coffee brewing and throws together a sandwich while he
waits. Todoroki opens the fridge and stares into it for a long minute.
"Are we out of eggs?" he says, eventually.
Bakugou takes a bite of his sandwich. "Do I look like I know or care?"
Todoroki presses his lips in a thin line and turns towards the living room.
"Does anyone know what happened to our eggs?"
"It was moi", Aoyama says. "I made an omelette magnifique."
"You almost burned them", Satou says.
"But I didn't! And it tasted wonderful!"
"So we're out of eggs", Todoroki says.
"Unfortunately, yes."
Todoroki closes the fridge and stares at the floor for a moment. "We're... we
don't have eggs."
The coffee machine pings. Bakugou puts his sandwich down.
"No one thought to get more eggs?" Todoroki says slowly.
"It hasn't even been a day", Satou says. "I mean I was gonna go tomorrow
anyway."
Todoroki blinks. "Huh", he says, and his left side catches fire.
"Or I could go right now!" Satou yelps. "Dude, calm down!"
"I'm--", Todoroki gulps. "What is, are we..." He shakes his head, and the fire
grows a little.
Bakugou grabs Todoroki's arm. "Cut that shit out", he growls.
Todoroki stares at Bakugou's hand, tight around his definitely-flaming forearm.
Fire and Ice have very few things in common. Especially as the dual quirk of a
single person. For one thing, ice is solid and thus grabs onto solid things
when it manifests. Fire, on the other hand, prefers dancing in the air around
Todoroki's left side. He himself doesn't get burned, because the fire grows out
of him, and is completely under his control.
That. Doesn't mean others won't get burned.
One of the very few things fire and ice have in common is that they both burn.
Skin isn't meant to touch either. And even then they have differences, fire
burns immediately, while ice takes a few seconds before it destroys enough
cells to give the sensation of burning.
Todoroki stares at Bakugou's hand. It hasn't moved.
It feels like it's been on his arm for hours.
He's sure there's fire under it.
"Cut. It. Out", Bakugou snarls. "I know you're not stupid enough that you can't
control your own goddamn quirk."
Todoroki blinks up to Bakugou's face, then down at his hand. "You're... You're
not burning."
"No shit, Sherlock! No thanks to you!"
Todoroki blinks, and the fire goes out. A collective sigh sweeps through the
common room.
Bakugou lets go of him, but Todoroki grabs his wrist and turns it up to look at
Bakugou's palm.
"Hey what the fuck", Bakugou growls.
The skin is shiny,but when Todoroki presses a finger on it, it doesn't feel
like a burn at all. It feels thick and slightly slippery with sweat. It's hard
and unyielding, and way paler than the rest of Bakugou's arm.
"What the shit is your problem", Bakugou says.
"You didn't get burned", Todoroki says. "How did you not get burned?"
"Shit, I don't know, think maybe it's because my quirk makes fucking explosions
in my palms? Ever thought of that?"
"But you... the explosions come out of you, they can't hurt you."
Bakugou slaps him up the head. "Nitroglycerin comes out of me. The explosions
happen after that, wherever the fuck i happened to sweat on, including my
goddamn hands. And the nitro-sweat only happens in my palms, not my fingers.
I've had to build up a hell of a lot of resistance."
Todoroki runs a finger from Bakugou's wrist to his fingertips. "Huh."
Bakugou pulls his hand away, grabs his coffee and sandwich and makes a hurried
escape.
 
 
Kaminari walks back into the class before the lunch break ends, a little dazed,
with Jirou on his heels.
"What up everyone", he says. "I just saw a boob and got confused."
Jirou smacks him up the head, but otherwise doesn't react.
"I know you're notthat gay", Kirishima says. " I'm not that gay, and I'm the
gayest guy I know."
"You know you're in deep when you see a boob and spend the entirety of twenty
seconds wondering why it's not pink", Kaminari says as he takes a seat on top
of his desk.
"Oh he means me", Ashido says. "It's my boob he's referring to."
"I think he's referring to how my boob is skin-colored", Jirou says. "You're
giving him false expectations."
"He's hyperfocusing", Ashido says.
"Yes hello I have a question", Midoriya says. "Why the fuckdid you think it was
a good idea to do that during lunch break?"
"It's always a good idea to do that", Kaminari says, shooting finger guns at
Midoriya.
"It's really not", Tokoyami says from on top of his own desk.
Iida walks into the classroom, so all talks of that nature cease. "Tokoyami!
Kaminari! Don't sit on your desks, I thought we were over this!"
"Sorry man", Kaminari says, slipping into his actual seat.
"I'm not", Tokoyami says without moving a muscle. "Leave me be."
"Absolutely not!" Iida says. "It is disrespectful and unsanitary!"
"He likes to perch", Ashido says.
Iida and Tokoyami both turn to her slowly.
"...What?"
"He likes to perch. Pretty bird perches high up, caw caw motherfuckers."
"Everybody take your seats", Aizawa calls from the door. "Class is starting."
He turns to his students and finds them all seated and silent.
 
 
Hero patrol is eventful only sometimes.
Honestly this villain isn't even that bad, she shouldn't be giving them that
much trouble. But they're kinda concerned about the pros engaged with this
villain's buddy two blocks away.
"I'll guard the civilians", Kirishima says.
"Bakugou, get me close to--" Uraraka begins, but stops when she sees Bakugou
barreling forward.
The villain activates her quirk, it feels like a gust of air, it feels like
getting pushed. Bakugou flies upwards and back, and Uraraka barely catches him.
She puts him down and returns his gravity.
The villain pushes again, aiming the line of fire at Bakugou - identified as
dangerous target - and Uraraka - by proxy.
Kirishima sets his feet and holds his ground when they both barrel right into
him.
"Hold", Uraraka calls. "The civilians!"
She gets one arm around Kirishima's waist and one around Bakugou's. Their arms
wrap around her shoulders, and together they manage to stay in place against
the villain's quirk. Behind them, the crowd rushes to evacuate under the three-
person cover.
"Grab onto me", Bakugou says.
Uraraka does. Bakugou blasts them both to the villain, staying close to the
ground and avoiding a straight path. It gets them close enough for Uraraka to
touch and push the villain skywards.
The villain responds via tornado.
Fucking...
A tornado.
It spreads from each of the villain's outstretched arms, directed up and down
respectively, in an attempt to keep herself from floating to the stratosphere.
She points one whirlpool at the bundle of Bakugou and Uraraka, and they fly
back, this time too high for Kirishima to catch.
Bakugou sends an explosion to the air to maneuver them back on solid ground.
The villain pushes them back up. The force of her quirk directs Bakugou's
explosions away from her.
With a growl, Bakugou fires his gauntlet away from the villain, sending him and
Uraraka towards her. He fires his other gauntlet at her before she can push
them away again.
Somehow Uraraka manages to hold on during the whole thing, and releases her
quirk as soon as Bakugou's explosion reaches the villain.
The tornado dies, and Kirishima runs to catch his classmates before they hit
the ground.
He looks around, finds the villain bruised and battered at the side of a
building.
He shakes Uraraka and Bakugou in his lap. "Are you guys okay?" His own voice
sounds weird.
Uraraka looks at him, blinking forcefully, shaking her head. She opens her
mouth.
"What?" Kirishima says. "I can't hear you." What is that noise?
Uraraka speaks again. She takes her helmet off, talks slower. She covers her
mouth.
Kirishima blinks. "What?" His own voice sounds like it's coming from
underwater. And seriously, what the fuck is making that noise?
Bakugou untangles himself from Uraraka and climbs out of Kirishima's lap. He
kneels in front of them and talks.
"I can't hear you", Kirishima says with his blocked voice. "That noise is too
loud."
Bakugou looks between them. He points at his ear, then at his hand.
Kirishima frowns. "What?"
Bakugou snarls and makes a blowing motion with his hands.
"Your quirk?"
Before Bakugou can answer, he looks above their heads and waves at someone
behind them. Kirishima turns (nearly knocking heads with Uraraka when she turns
at the same time) and finds Midoriya running to them, static across his body.
He yells as he comes closer, but Kirishima doesn't hear that, either.
Uraraka talks, and the more she says, the more worried Midoriya looks. He turns
to Bakugou.
Bakugou answers in sign language.
Sign language.
Kirishima watches his hands speak, struggling to pull off some of the gestures
with the gauntlets on. Midoriya answers in kind. Kirishima exchanges a look of
horror with Uraraka.
Eventually Bakugou goes to check on the villain, and Midoriya pulls Kirishima
and Uraraka to their feet. He walks them to an ambulance. He grabs some pen and
paper and sits with them while the paramedics fret over them.
"Kacchan's quirk is sometimes loud enough to cause hearing loss", Midoriya
writes. He holds his paper up for them to see. "It'll pass, it always passes.
He himself is kinda resistant to it, but for him to get tinnitus too must mean
he used too much fire too quickly."
"He fired both gauntlets", Kirishima says. "Uraraka was right on him, but she
had her helmet on."
Apparently Uraraka speaks at the same time. She cups her hands over her ears as
she speaks, and motions like she's taking off her helmet.
"I don't know", Midoriya writes. "I'll let you know what the medics think once
they look you over, okay?"
Bakugou climbs into the ambulance, cups Kirishima's face and slowly removes his
mouthguard.
"I'm fine", Kirishima says.
Bakugou frowns. He gives him a kiss, then steps back so he can get looked over
too.
 
 
It takes a couple of days, but it passes.
***** Penny for your Thoughts? *****
Chapter Summary
     lots of kids talk about lots of things
"So are we not talking about it?" Kirishima says in-between sips of his soda.
Bakugou swallows the last of his yakitori and frowns. "About what?"
Kirishima swings his leg back and forth on the bench, kicking a rock in the
process. "The sign language."
"It sure is a language."
"You know what I mean, Katsuki! Why do you know it? Why does Midoriya, of all
people, know it!"
Bakugou steals Kirishima's soda and takes a sip.  "Fuck if I know why Deku
does, but come the fuck on, can't you guess whyI would learn it?"
Kirishima steals his soda back and frowns at the ground.
"Especially after last patrol, Ei?"
"There's no way you could burst your own ears out."
Bakugou raises his eyebrows. "I mean... if you're a weak-ass bitch that's too
scared to make full use of your quirk, yeah, I guess."
Kirishima hardens a hand and clenches it as tight as he can. "Elaborate."
"Listen my ears are fine, okay? They can handle loud noises just fine, and they
really don't even get that damaged when they do give out."
"So they do get damaged!"
"It's not that bad", Bakugou says. He grabs Kirishima's hardened hand in both
of his own and pulls on the fingers until Kirishima opens them. "I just. I get
what you mean, okay? It doesn't matter if I'm really careful with them and
whatnot, I know that one day it's going to be bad and I'm going to damage them
irreparably. And that. That's why I know sign language."
Kirishima puts his soda down so he can clench his other fist.
"No, hey, give me that", Bakugou says, taking hold of Kirishima's other hand
too. "None of that. It's just a language, why are you even so worked up?"
"It's not about sign language, Katsuki. You're going to lose one of your
senses! I mean what the fuck! Why is this the first I'm hearing about it?"
"Because you had some serious tinnitus the first time you found out, otherwise
you would've heard then."
Kirishima punches him in the stomach. His hands are still hard. Bakugou doubles
over.
"You have to teach me", Kirishima says, holding Bakugou's face. "You have to
teach me now while you can still hear."
"Uh, sure", Bakugou says, torn between bitching about the punch and kissing his
boyfriend's pouty face. He settles for neither. "I mean that's why I know it
now rather than learning it later. It's easier to learn when you can speak the
words."
Kirishima nibbles on the inside of his cheek. "Katsuki, how long have you known
that? When was the first time you blew your ears?"
"Six, seven years ago? I don't know."
"Did--", Kirishima stutters, picks up his soda so he has something in his hands
to fiddle with. "Do you think Midoriya learned because he wanted to still speak
with you?"
"I don't give a shit why Deku learned---"
"Or because he was scared of you?"
Bakugou blinks. Kirishima fiddles with his soda can.
"I have never given Deku tinnitus", Bakugou growls. "At least, not that I know
of. If the fucker was ever scared enough for his own hearing that he learned an
entire language because of it, he sure kept quiet about it. The first time I
saw him use it was after we'd gotten into U.A."
Kirishima drinks. "Why haven't you taught me already?"
"Shit do I look like I'm made of time? You can barely get math through that
stupid head of yours, much less English! Teaching you an entirely different
language would be a nightmare."
"But it's for you!" Kirishima says, and Bakugou has to duck behind his hand
because how can he just say things like that.
"Okay fine, whatever, I'll teach you. But you have to do your homework first."
Kirishima leans over and gives a sugar-flavoured kiss. "Deal."
 
 
"King Explosion Murder", Sero says. "Alien Queen."
Ashido blinks. "...Yes?"
"You know those didn't get approved", Bakugou says.
"Red Riot."
"If you have a point to make sometime soon, do it now."
"Royalty roleplay", Sero says, with fingerguns.
"Daddy", Bakugou says, with venom.
Sero stands up and leaves.
"That's not fucking fair", Kirishima whines. "If I don't get to call him daddy
and I don't get to call you king then what the fuck is even the point?"
"I knew it!" Ashido hollers. "You can call me queen, love, but I have to go
right now, I have to make some money." She walks to the couch and vaults over
the back of it, landing right next to Hagakure.
Hagakure pulls a five-hundred out of her pocket and hands it over with a groan.
Kaminari does the same.
"Did you fucking bet on Eijirou's kinks without telling me again?" Bakugou
calls.
"You don't count!" Ashido says. "You know all of Ei's kinks. And you're smart!
You can guess what you don't know! This is an idiot-friendly bet."
Bakugou face-palms. "How am I dating all these dumbasses?"
"I ask myself the exact opposite all the time", Uraraka says without looking up
from her book. "How am I dating all these smartasses?"
 
 
"Aueeghrrahugheh", Kaminari goes, or something that vaguely approximates a
sound like that.
"What's troubling you my dudebro", Sero says, patting Kaminari's hair.
"I just. Fuck. Would be so all over a lot of people if Katsuki wasn't an ass
about Midoriya and his partners."
Uraraka puts her pencil down. "Elaborate."
"So you know how Katsuki hates Midoriya's guts or something, right? I mean he
really doesn't like him."
"Both of those estimations are gross understatements", Bakugou says. "If bail
for homicide was about a quarter of what it is, I would murder Deku as soon as
I graduated."
"Why wait 'till graduation, if you hate him so much?"
"Because not even damn Deku is worth sacrificing my shot in this school",
Bakugou growls.
"Okay whatever, so Katsuki has his whole deep hate thing going on", Kaminari
continues. "And just. Ugh. Won't let us fool around with you guys."
Uraraka puts a hand to her chest. "Aw."
"You'd fucking better not", Bakugou growls.
"Oh get over yourself, Bakugou", Uraraka says. "It's not like indirect fuck is
a thing. Right, Deku?"
"Uh", Deku goes. "I'm. Actually with Kacchan on this one? I've known him since
I can remember, it'd be kinda weird."
"Aw, are you saying you're like brothers?"
"Yeah like Cain and Abel", Bakugou snarls.
Kaminari leans over to Yao-momo. "Who, the fuck? Are those?"
"According to the Book of Genesis, Cain and Abel are the sons of Adam and Eve,
the first humans created by God."
Kaminari claps. "Aw, that's so sweet, Baku! Like a well-known pair of
brothers!"
Yao-momo puts a hand on Kaminari's shoulder. "Cain killed Abel."
Bakugou makes the watching gesture at Midoriya.
"Okay back off", Uraraka says, picking up her pencil again. "I'm not in the
mood to deal with your shit right now."
"I don't give a fuck about your moods", Bakugou growls. "You have to deal with
my shit whether you like it or not."
"Or maybe I'll start bigger shit", Uraraka says. "And then guess who'll have to
deal with that?"
"Are you sure you two aren't flirting right now?" Sero asks.
Bakugou throws his hands up. "What is wrong with you."
"No, I'm saying", Sero shrugs, "this is kinda like early Kiri-Baku flirting."
"Oh it kind of is!" Kaminari says. "What a deduction!"
Uraraka waves a hand. "I guess it doesn't matter with Bakugou's oh-so deep hate
for Deku and us, right?"
Bakugou flips her off.
"That's Baku-language for blowing kisses", Sero says.
Bakugou grabs Sero by the neck and knocks him against the back of his chair.
"Oi, Bakugou!" Uraraka hollers. She kisses her fingertips and flips them away
from her mouth, curling all of her fingers but the middle.
Bakugou makes like he catches her kiss and explodes his hand.
"Whoo, tensions are getting high", Kaminari says.
Bakugou picks him up and slam dunks him directly to the floor.
 
 
"Oh, you know what", Ashido says. "We have a lot of boys with unnatural hair
colors, but I'm the only girl."
Tsuyu scratches her head. "I guess Ochako is borderline there, but the rest of
us areall black-haired."
"Mina, you're dating a lot of crazy colors", Hagakure says. "Sero is really the
plain one, huh?"
"Sure", Ashido shrugs. "Tsuyu, on the other hand... I guess you guys only have
Todoroki to give you hope. And what a hope he is, dual colored right down the
middle. Must be something!"
"Actually, Izuku's hair is a little green under sunlight", Tsuyu says. "And
Tenya is kinda blue, sometimes."
"I'd noticed Iida, but not Midoriya!" Hagakure says. "Is it really?"
"Yeah, ribbit. Usually you can't tell, though."
Ashido hums. "I just remembered that Todoroki's happy trail is two colors,
too."
"It is?" Hagakure squeals. "Oh my god!"
"It's a little awkward", Tsuyu says. "Have you ever seen him wear tank tops?"
"No."
"Yeah that's because his armpit hair is like that, too. One is white and the
other is red, it's so weird to look at."
"You mean it must be hot to look at", Ashido says. "Hoo boy."
Tsuyu tilts her head to one side. "Do you have a thing for that, Mina, hun?"
"I think I just have a think for exotic things, you know", Ashido says,
gesturing at herself. "Weird colors of body hair is just part of it I guess."
"Oh, then Kirishima must be a real charmer for you", Hagakure says.
Running steps sound down the hall.
"Oh that's not his natural hair color", Ashido says.
The door to Tsuyu's room slams open.
"My middle school senses are tingling", Kirishima says from the door, a little
out of breath. "You're about to talk shit, aren't you?"
"Not really!" Ashido says, waving her hands. "I was just telling the girls that
this isn't your hair color..."
Kirishima cups her face. "Stop."
"Aw, come on."
"I trusted you not to tell anyone", Kirishima says, unblinking, unyielding. "Do
not. Betray. My trust."
Ashido stares back for a moment. "Okay", she says finally.
***** The One Thing No-One Bet Over *****
Chapter Summary
     plot twist
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Bakugou stumbles out of the south study room of the dorms, clutching the side
of his head. He shakes it out, and with wobbly feet he makes his way to the
tables and sits down at one.
It's midnight. Shouji, Aoyama and Tsuyu are huddled together in a corner,
speaking with each other quietly. If they notice Bakugou, they don't comment on
it.
Todoroki makes his way out of the south study room. He's wearing short sleeves
which, in this weather, must mean he's using his quirk to keep warm.
Shouji points an extra eye at Todoroki, but focuses back on Aoyama's glittering
soon enough.
Midoriya walks out of the south study room, wearing a too-long jacket. Somehow
his hair manages to seem even messier than usual.
"Okay what the fuck", Shouji whispers under his breath.
Midoriya joins Todoroki and Bakugou at the table, and the three of them sit in
silence.
"You're seeing this, right?" Shouji hisses at Aoyama and Tsuyu. "I'm not
hallucinating on all eyes?"
"No, mon ami, you are correct. Something fishy is afoot."
Tsuyu brings a finger to her chin. "You think so?"
Aoyama turns around to look at the trio with all the subtlety of a helicopter
taking off while surrounded by spotlights that emit neon glitter instead of
light.
Bakugou sluggishly turns his head to glare back.
Aoyama sits back down. "Non, something isn't right."
"Is it just me or is that a bruise forming on Todoroki's throat?" Shouji says,
desperately trying to not be too obvious as he points an eye to look better.
Aoyama flips his bangs. "When it comes to Bakugou, I wouldn't be surprised if
he tried to choke dear Todoroki."
"Wait, hush", Tsuyu says.
"So, um..." Midoriya says, fiddling with the ends of the long long sleeves of
his jacket. "What just happened?"
"I'm having an out-of-body experience", Todoroki says.
Bakugou flushes. Probably in anger. "Don't fucking start that shit."
Midoriya rolls the sleeves up. Somehow the jacket seems tight on him, despite
being a few sizes too long. His shoulders even strain the fabric, stretching it
to its width limit. "I feel like I hallucinated the whole thing. Did we really
just... do that?"
"Oh my tiny bullshit", Bakugou growls to the ceiling. "Are you like this after
every fuck?"
"So we did fuck", Todoroki says. "I didn't just imagine that."
Aoyama has both hands over his mouth to muffle his squeal.
"Bitch does it look like you imagined that?" Bakugou says, gesturing a wild
hand at Midoriya. "Shitty Deku's wearing your shitty jacket! What the fuck else
could have happened?"
"I mean it's not like it's rare for him to steal my clothes", Todoroki says.
"Your involvement could've easily been a product of my imagination."
"Fucking tell that to the bitemark on your tit", Bakugou huffs. "Or did Deku do
that too?"
"I'd never", Midoriya says, mock-offended.
Bakugou glares at him, then pulls down the collar of his shirt to reveal an
array of bitemarks between his chest and his neck. He raises his eyebrows. "Did
I  hallucinate  this ?"
"I mean I'd never bite Shouto hard enough to leave a mark", Midoriya reasons.
"You, on the other hand, are an asshole and therefore deserve getting bled,
Kacchan."
Bakugou smooths his shirt and continues glaring. "So what now."
"Considering we have an audience, we can't exactly act like it never happened",
Todoroki says. He waves a hand at the three huddled on the floor between the
couches. "I wouldn't want that, anyway."
"I wouldn't want that either", Midoriya says. "I mean, this isn't exactly
something I'd feel okay with hiding from people."
Bakugou crosses his arms. "Fine, just don't fucking expect me to go around
screaming about it to the world."
 
 
"You three  did  hook up!" Ashido yells in the morning. "And I didn't even have
a bet going for it! Aargh!"
"She hears her boyfriend slept with someone else and is upset that she didn't
bet on it happening", Bakugou says. "True love, everyone."
"Wait wait wait", Kirishima says. "Does that mean you're lifting the Mido-ban?"
"The fucking what."
"The thing where you don't want us macking on Midoriya's circle! Me and Denki
have been calling it the Mido-ban."
Bakugou scowls to the ceiling. "I mean I guess? How fucking hypocritical would
it be to keep that in effect?"
"Yes", Kirishima punches the air. He turns around to holler to the other side
of the room. "Todoroki, when can I court you?"
Todoroki blinks back. "Come again?"
"No way", Kaminari yells. "I'm calling dibs!"
"What? You can't call dibs on entire person."
"Well step your fucking game up, Ei, I'm going over there right now."
"No you're not!" Kirishima puts Kaminari in a headlock.
Bakugou facepalms. He turns to his other two datemates, only to find one
missing.
Ashido is down on one knee, holding Uraraka's hand. "Ochako, hun, it would be
my great pleasure and honor if you would let me in your pants."
"Aw, hun", Uraraka says. "I'd be delighted!"
Ashido jumps up with a squeal. She picks up Uraraka and spins her around,
kissing her when she lets her on her feet again.
"We've been fucking outmatched", Kaminari says into Kirishima's forearm.
"Shit", Kirishima agrees.
Bakugou breathes out the sigh of the long-suffering. "Aren't you gonna be all
over those assholes, Hanta?"
Sero shrugs. "I'm good. Besides, it's fucking hilarious to watch these idiots
drool all over the place."
"You  know  I'm weak for quirks that can destroy me", Kirishima says, finally
releasing Kaminari. "I'm going to ask Midoriya out."
"I was mostly referring to Denki's boner for Todoroki, but okay."
"Let's talk about literally anything else", Kaminari says. "Let's talk about
Hanta's gag reflex and lack thereof."
"Let's talk about  Denki's  gag reflex", Sero winks.
"Fucking pardon my throat for functioning as it should", Kaminari howls. "I
didn't know you could be proud of your own body refusing to keep you alive!"
"Aw, baby, that's not what you said last night."
"I will strangle you", Kaminari growls.
"Can't you just choke me instead?" Sero laughs.
Midoriya tiptoes closer and whispers. "Kirishima... I think I see what you
meant in the group chat. About. Sero winning arguments."
"Right?" Kirishima whispers back. "Oh hey, since you're here-- Do you wanna go
out with me sometime? There's a cool park I think you'd like..."
Midoriya wraps his arms around his own face. "Oh! Well, haha, uh, I'd like
that! I'd really like that. But I have to ask my partners first."
"Of course", Kirishima laughs. "Just let me know, okay?"
Midoriya giggles. "Okay."
"--- fucking last time we tried that", Bakugou is saying, having wedged himself
in Kaminari and Sero's conversation somewhere along the way.
"We don't talk about that!" Kaminari yelps, flushing.
"I never agreed to not talking about it", Bakugou growls, "and I don't give a
shit what you think you got the others to agree to."
"He didn't get us to agree to anything", Ashido says. "He just said 'hey let's
never talk about this again' and thought that'd be the last he heard about it."
"I trusted you", Kaminari says. "I trusted the lot of you  with my life,  and
you repay me like this."
"Look man, you trusted us during the great Denki-Hanta-fest", Sero says. "And
look where that got you."
"Oh are we talking about the great Denki-Hanta-fest?" Kirishima says.
"We're not!" Kaminari tries.
"We are", Bakugou counters. "Eijirou, vouch for us. Was  any  part of the great
Denki-Hanta-fest even remotely image-worthy?"
Kirishima scratches his head. "Like a porn image, or like a memory image?"
"Either or."
"Well, none of it could've worked for porn, let me tell you that. But it  is
nice to remember."
Midoriya tugs on Kirishima's sleeve. "I'm... kind of afraid to ask, but what's
the Denki-Hanta-fest?"
"The  great  Denki-Hanta-fest", Kirishima corrects. "The 'great' part is
important. And it's, uh, a fest is basically what we call it when. Um. Well you
know we have fiveways pretty often, right?"
Midoriya's face catches fire. "I- yeah sure. Compared to us, at least."
"A fest is like, when we all do the do but we're focusing on one person the
most. Just the other day--"
"Don't you fucking dare", Bakugou says.
"-- a couple of weeks ago", Kirishima saves it, "We had a Mina-fest. Right?
Usually they're Mina-fests."
"I'm all for marathoning", Ashido says, just to make sure everyone is extra
uncomfortable.
"She's all for marathoning", Kirishima laughs. "Anyway the great Denki-Hanta-
fest, basically, is the longest sex we've ever had."
Midoriya wipes the sweat from his forehead. By the time he lowers his hand
again there's a new layer of sweat. "Do I want to know how long that was,
exactly?"
"Two and a half hours."
Midoriya blinks. "Two and a half hours?"
"Closer to three, actually. Now you might ask yourself, if the point of a fest
is focusing on one person, why do we have one for both Denki and Hanta? The
answer is that it was two and a half hours."
"How do you manage that?" Uraraka says, tilting her head to the side. She's
still in Ashido's arms, so she ends up resting her head on Ashido's shoulder.
"Take turns", Ashido says. "Don't tell me you don't like watching."
"Still!" Uraraka lifts her head so she can make eye contact. "I mean even if
you went really slow, and took turns and everything, and even went more than
once, two hours sounds like a stretch."
"Very stretched if you know what I'm saying!" Sero calls, and gets smacked up
the head for his trouble.
"No, actually the best part", Ashido laughs, "Is that before that went down,
I'd already been with Kyouka and Momo for a couple of hours."
Uraraka's eyes widen in horror. "No."
"Yep!" Ashido points a thumb at herself. "Four solid hours of fucking! I hold
the record."
Uraraka holds her forehead. "Four hours... Four..." she mutters.
"And  that ", Kaminari gestures at Uraraka's meltdown and Midoriya's tomato of
a face, "is exactly why we don't speak of the great Denki-Hanta-fest!"
Chapter End Notes
     okay which one of you lovely shitheads sent me that hilarious ask on
     tumblr
***** babe plz *****
Chapter Summary
     a quick chap bc there wasn't any other good place to cut it
Ashido's phone vibrates.
"Really?" Sero groans. "Fucking again? And you're-- you're actually going to
answer? It's not even a call!"
Ashido pats his chest. "Sure, love, whatever you say."
"Mina don't do me like this. At least look at me."
Ashido eyes him over the edge of her phone. "How do you want me to do you,
exactly?"
<ACID BOLT>
/jam-yay: i keep fucking forgetting the bet is even going on
/alienQueen: which bet? you'll have to be a little more specific
/alienQueen: and also hurry, i'm in the middle of something
/jam-yay: o shit what am i interrupting
 
"Hanta, love, smile and give me a peace sign for Denki", Ashido says, turning
to her camera app.
Sero makes the eating out gesture. Ashido makes sure she gets the forming
lovebites on his collarbone in the frame.
 
/alienQueen sent [interruptions.jpg]
/jam-yay: well shit
/alienQueen: i mean if it's REALLY important i could hear what you have to
say...........................
/jam-yay: fuck color me intrigued
 
Ashido locks eyes with Sero. "Bet you a suckoff I can get him to send a nude
without sending one back."
Sero grins. "Deal."
She lies on him and makes out with his neck. Over his shoulder she continues
typing.
 
/alienQueen: i can multitask
/alienQueen: unlike some people *side-eyes the babe under me*
/jam-yay: i know right that's what i keep telling him
/alienQueen: lets agree to never let him live that down
/jam-yay: oh totally
/jam-yay: i mean come on, who CAN'T use their hands while giving head
/alienQueen: studies show i can even type while giving head
/jam-yay: a
/jam-yay: are you?
/alienQueen: hmmmmmmmmmmmmm i wonder
/jam-yay: mina please you're killing me here
/alienQueen: for the low price of one (1) nude, i will tell you
/jam-yay sent [one1nude.jpg]
 
"Godspeed", Ashido laughs. She turns her phone around for Sero to see. "You owe
me a good suck, Best Mouth!"
"Goddamn", Sero says, taking Ashido's phone out of her hands to get a better
look. "He looks good here."
"He always looks good", Ashido responds, kissing down his belly.
"Baby what the fuck, I thought I was the one who owed you a suck."
"Oh definitely. But I can't just leave my boy Denki hanging like that." She
licks up Sero's length and takes one of his hands to put it on her hair. "Snap
me a pic." She wraps her mouth around him.
 
/alienQueen sent [multitasking.jpg]
/jam-yay: okay fuck you hanta
/alienQueen: lol she beat you to it ;)))
 
<TEAM BAKUGOU (PLUS KAMINARI)>
/jam-yay: a2/4 confirmed and with that i abscond bc i'm not talking to either
of them
/RR: who's them?
/jam-yay: you'll see when they're done
/RR: done with what?
/RR: denki?
/RR: denki?
/RR: love?
/murder: mina and hanta i'm guessing
/RR: huh?
/murder: if it's not me and it's not you and he hurried to get off the chat
then it's gotta be mina and hanta
/RR: i'm so confused
/alienQueen: aw he beat me to it
/sero(p)han: its payback for the last pic
/murder: mina did you pull off a one-sided nude exchange fucking again?
/alienQueen: even worse! the pic i sent wasn't even remotely about my own
nudity
/RR: whose then
/sero(p)han: present
/RR: oh
/RR: OH
/alienQueen: did you know it's actually pretty easy to make out with someone
and text at the same time?
/RR: I DONT THINK I EVER NEEDED TO KNOW THAT
/sero(p)han: its not wtf mina i trusted you
/sero(p)han: it was terrible i felt ignored dont fucking start doing it on the
regular
/alienQueen: !!! babe im sorry i didn't mean it like that! i only did it to
 make a fool out of denki
/sero(p)han: and i let it happen for the same reason bc it was priceless but
pls dont do it again
/alienQueen: im sorry baby you know i'd never ignore you
/murder: aren't you two in the same room
/sero(p)han: shit you right
 
"I'm sorry, you know that, right?" Ashido says, putting down her phone.
"I know, baby", Sero says from where he's laid his head on her thigh.
Ashido bites her lip. "Um. I know we were teasing you about it but, uh. Somehow
it gets hotter every time you call me that and I. I think I might have the
unmentionable kink."
Sero blinks. "You too? Eijirou I can handle, but you?"
"No, no, not um. That way." Ashido flushes deep magenta and looks off to the
wall. "More uh, the other way around."
Sero takes a minute to process it. "Is this why you wanted Ei to call you
'queen'?"
Ashido ducks her head between her shoulders. "Kinda. Though, that one was
actually funny."
Sero lifts his head up off her thigh. "Baby mama, can you look at me?"
Ashido bites her lip, makes an inhuman squeal, and slowly drags her eyes to
Sero's. He grins at her.
"Baby mama?"
"Oh my god", Ashido squeals, hiding behind her hands.
"You actually like that?" He pulls her hands away.
"Why don't you take a look!" Ashido yelps, shoving his head down.
Sero laughs between her thighs. "Come on that's not fair, you just finished."
"Leave me alone", she huffs. "It's your damn fault."
"It kind of is, isn't it, baby?" Sero laughs and crawls upwards until he can
rest his cheek on her chest. "I think I like 'baby' more, though."
"Yeah, uh. That actually sounds better."
"Eijirou might be into it, though."
Ashido stretches her arms up over her head. It does wonderful things to her
chest and shoulders, and Sero, for one, is delighted to be where he is.
"I don't think I'd be into it with Eijirou", she says as she lets her arms fall
on the pillow. "You, sure. Katsuki, maybe. No way with Denki or Eijirou
though."
"Awww, you're getting person-specific kinks."
"As if! It's just that your mouth is a literal blessing and I love every last
pet name that falls out of it, and Katsuki has that... fucking gravely voice,
you know which one I'm talking about. Denki has neither and is honestly more of
a screamer than a talker. With Eijirou I just... really like the 'love' thing
we have going on."
Sero closes his eyes. "Person-specific."
"You're so lucky I actually love you, otherwise I wouldn't let you sleep on me
after this bullshit."
"No way, you'd totally let me sleep on you just for the head you just got."
"I would throw you to the floor", she says, wrapping her arms around his
shoulders.
Sero pats a drowsy hand on her thigh. "Sure, baby."
 
<TEAM BAKUGOU (PLUS KAMINARI)>
/aienQueen: ei, if hanta approaches you about a new kink of mine, don't believe
anything he says
/RR: okay??
/alienQueen: goodnight
/RR: gn
***** How Do You Sign My Name? (Return of the Favorites) *****
Chapter Summary
     i said i was going to write this conversation in hardmode tm but it
     wasn't actually that hard
     the word 'sign' is used 73 times in this chapter alone enjoy
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"So how do you sign a name?"
"Uh, depends. You could use the kanji, or make a personalized sign."
Kirishima bends forward and towels his hair upside-down. "How do you sign my
name?"
"I'd do it like--" Bakugou says, and finishes his sentence in sign.
Kirishima repeats it. "So what does it mean?"
"Sharp Rock."
"Aww. That's so sweet! It matches my quirk."
"Yeah because all our names are fucking puns on our quirks", Bakugou says,
exasperated. "It's like we aren't actual people or something."
Kirishima laughs and signs his own name a couple of times. "What about you?"
"Win an Explosion."
"Oh my god."
"Shut up, just learn it."
Kirishima signs that a few times too until he's sure he'll remember it. "What
about Mina's name?"
Ashido, upon hearing her name, perks up. "What about my name?"
"Finish your damn English", Bakugou growls. "And then you can fucking learn
sign."
"Come oooon", Ashido whines. "Just tell me my name! Please please please?"
"Just your name", Bakugou warns, "and then you finish your English or I don't
teach you anything else and have fun learning from the internet."
Ashido nods. "Please!"
Bakugou signs 'acid' and 'three' above his head. "Now finish your English."
"Wait! What does it mean?"
"It means finish your fucking homework, Mina, before I decide none of you are
worth the trouble."
Sero slams his pen down. "Eat my fucking dick!" he yells, in English, before he
turns to Bakugou and Kirishima to speak normally. "I'm done! Tell me my name."
Bakugou ponders for a moment.
"What, you haven't even thought about it?" Sero frowns. "You could sign the
others' names right away."
"It's just. I'm half-tempted to just sign 'elbow'."
Sero looks at his own. "I mean I guess that could work? I was expecting tape or
cellophane, to be honest."
"Oh, perfect", Bakugou says, and signs 'tape' at his elbow.
"Of fucking course", Sero laughs, and repeats the sign with Kirishima.
Ashido and Kaminari exchange a tortured look, hunched over their textbooks.
"I can't do this", Kaminari breaks. "Katsuki, I can't do this, please just come
help us so we can just get it over with!"
"No fucking way", Bakugou laughs. "How did Ei and Hanta manage on their own, by
channeling enlightenment? No, do your damn homework."
"Yeah but we're stupid!" Kaminari whines. "Come on, we'll never learn sign at
this rate!"
"I can help you", Kirishima offers. "Though I might mess up here and there."
Bakugou groans and digs his nails down his face. "Fine! I'll teach you the
shitty English, fuck, I have to do everything around here."
"But you loooove us", Sero says, accompanying it with the sign for love, just
to be extra irritating.
"And you're so fucking lucky I do or I would've murdered all three of you
within an hour of meeting you."
"There's four of us", Kirishima says.
"I know what I said, babe."
Kirishima lets out a squeal that gets louder as his face gets redder.
"Before you kill me", Kaminari says, "at least sign my name."
"Yeah, and explain mine!" Ashido calls.
"Acid-Three", Bakugou repeats, signing it at the same time. "Signed over the
head for your horns."
"That's so cute", Ashido breathes.
"What about me?" Kaminari bounces in his seat. "Electricity, right? Or, wait,
is that a different sign than thunder?"
"You get this", Bakugou says. He zig-zags his hand to the left of his head.
"Oh, for my highlight", Kaminari says, repeating it. "And what's the sign
you're holding?"
"Ka."
"As in, Kaminari? Why not go for my first name?"
"Cause De is a bitch to sign when you're already moving your hand. Besides, you
only get one sign for your name. Do you want everyone to be calling you Denki?"
"I guess not", Kaminari says, circling between his name and Ashido's. "Though
who's 'everyone'? I don't think anyone else in the class knows sign... Maybe
Present Mic?"
"Midoriya knows--" Kirishima begins, then stops. "Katsuki, how do you sign
Midoriya's name?"
Bakugou gives him the finger.
"Come on."
"I'm serious, this is what his name looks like."
"Fine, be an ass. I'll ask Midoriya himself. Right now, in fact. Have fun with
English."
"Wait no Eijirou don't leave me with them I don't have the bail money for
homicide--"
But Kirishima's already left the study room.
And in the living room, as luck would have it, Midoriya is writing in his hero
notebook with his off hand over his mouth to silence his mumbling. It's at
least quiet enough that Iida and Todoroki, sharing the table with Midoriya,
aren't bothered by it. Kirishima takes the last free chair at the table and
waits for Midoriya to look up.
"Oh, Kirishima! Sorry, I didn't see you there. How's your study session going?"
"Terrible. Denki and Mina are crying over our English homework and Katsuki's
being a bit of a bitch."
Todoroki snorts. "A bit."
"So you're taking a break?" Midoriya says, elbowing Todoroki in the sides
without breaking stride. It's a gentle elbow, though, because Todoroki doesn't
even sway with it.
"I'm actually here for your help", Kirishima says, patting his hair with his
towel. "Like I said, Katsuki's being a bitch. But you can teach me what he
won't!"
"Oh", Midoriya blushes. "Uh, sure! What is it?"
"How do you sign your name?"
Midoriya blinks, then signs it. "From Green of Old."
"Okay what the fuck", Kirishima says with sparkles in his eyes. "That's so
badass. All I got was Sharp Rock."
Midoriya signs Kirishima's name, then laughs. "Yeah, that sounds like something
Kacchan'd pick. If I were you I'd go with that thing you always do", he says,
bringing his fists together.
"Oh. This?" Kirishima knocks his fists together with a bit of his quirk between
them to make that sound he loves. "It doesn't look like a name."
"It doesn't have to."
"How do you sign Katsuki's name?"
"Uh", Midoriya looks at Todoroki, then Iida. "Between you and me? Dear Win."
Kirishima covers his mouth. "Oh my god."
"What did he say?"
"Win an Explosion."
"Explosive Winner!" Midoriya laughs. "Yeah, sounds about right."
"How do you sign my name?" Todoroki says.
"Well, on the regular I'd say Freezerburn", Midoriya says, signing 'ice' and
'fire'. "But, uh, if it's okay with you, I'd like to call you this." He puts
his hand sideways on his forehead and nose like he's cutting his face in halfs,
then rotates his palm until it covers his left eye. "It's a little crass, but
it only means you."
Todoroki tests the sign for his own. "I like it. Better than Icyhot, at any
rate."
"I didn't mean-- oh gosh, no."
"What about my name?" Iida asks. "If it's not too much trouble to ask!"
"Run", Midoriya says and signs. "It's a little in-your-face, but that's just
how sign language is."
"No, it's perfect!" Iida smiles, repeating the sign with vigor, then Midoriya's
and Todoroki's names. "And how would you sign Ingenium?"
"Gosh that's hard", Midoriya says, rubbing the back of his neck. "Like Run, I
guess, but accompanied with, you know, mouthing words. Or you could use the
English sign for Run? What would you prefer, Tenya?"
Iida looks at his book for a moment. "Do you know the English sign for Engine?"
"No, but it'd be perfect!"
"How do you sign--" Kirishima cuts himself short. It feels like Midoriya made
peace with it forever ago, but Kirishima still can't bring himself to say the
word Deku. "How do you sign your hero name, Midoriya?"
Midoriya gives a bright big smile. He brings his fist up and flexes his arm.
His other hand goes to his bicep, pulling up his sleeve a little.
Kirishima thinks he's seen that pose before.
"Why? What'd Kacchan say?"
"He didn't. He just flipped me off."
"He would, he would", Midoriya laughs. "But he'd probably go for Puppet." He
makes the sign for it.
"How do you sign Ochako's name?" Iida asks.
"You tent your fingers and move them up, like this."
"Tsuyu?"
"Frog Jump."
"Yaoyorozu?"
"Many! Very many."
"How do you say I love my boyfriend Katsuki with all my heart and I cherish him
dearly?"
"Okay first of all, don't make me say that. Second, Kirishima, I thought you
guys were all equal? How can you play favorites that much?"
"Oh no", Kirishima laughs. "We're equal, sure, but don't you think for a second
that we don't play favorites."
 
 
Kaminari signs Kirishima's name. Then his shoulders. Then the okay gesture.
It actually takes Bakugou a few seconds to get what Kaminari means, partly
because Kaminari started signing out of nowhere, mostly because there's still a
verbal conversation going on around them. Bakugou is arguing with Todoroki and
Tokoyami about the pros and cons of setting things on fire to keep Dark Shadow
at bay.
"Okay say it wasn't something flammable, but you were tired after a fight,
wouldn't you rather set it on fire than pop crackers in your hand
continuously?" Tokoyami says.
"I would set your face on fire", Bakugou growls, signing for Kaminari to
elaborate. "Your inability to keep your fucking quirk at bay is not an excuse
for property damage."
Kaminari repeats himself. Eijirou has some sweet-ass shoulders.
"Rude!" Dark Shadow gasps. "I'm not like your shitty hands! I have a will of my
own, you can't expect me to obey Fumikage's every command all the time!"
"I can expect you to be fucking civil", Bakugou huffs. "If you want us to treat
you like your own person then fucking start acting like it."
Sero has a different opinion. Katsuki's shoulders are better, he signs. Look at
those biceps.
Dark Shadow gets distracted by the sign language so Tokoyami is the one who has
to answer. "But he's not a person. He's still a quirk. He can remain completely
inactive for weeks on end. Don't make it sound like he goes on a rampage every
night."
Both their shoulders are great , Ashido signs, but Katsuki's shoulder-to-waist
ratio... delightful.
"Are Dark Shadow's actions affected by all of your emotions?" Todoroki says,
trying very hard not to look at the hands flying around.
Eijirou's back muscles are better to look at, Kaminari signs.
Eijirou's abs, Ashido signs.
Eijirou's pecs, Sero signs with a wink.
All of Eijirou's core muscles are hand-sculpted by God, Bakugou signs, trying
to remember whether he had taught them the sign for God yet.
Kirishima covers his face with his hands before he gets the courage to sign
anything back.
"It's more like... the connection I share with him, as my quirk, gives us some
amount of access to each other's thoughts. A bit like a hivemind, I suppose. So
if I think something a lot, he will also think it enough to consider it his own
thought. Except, him being a quirk, he reacts to them differently than I do,
since he never learned restraint."
"Fumikage is easily 90% of my common logic", Dark Shadow says.
Tokoyami rolls his eyes. "Yes, exactly. So, if I get emotional, he reacts
strongly."
Katsuki's arms are magnificent, Kirishima signs, at last. And that shoulder-to-
hip, yes. Mina takes the cake for waist, though.
Yes! Sero signs. That waist! Those hips! Your thighs, Mina!
Ashido fans herself. Thanks.
And your hair! Sero continues, undisturbed. Like cotton candy!
"So, uh", Todoroki stutters, visibly distracted by the signed conversation.
"Uh, what I meant to say is, how does he react to strong  positive emotions?"
"He doesn't, really. I don't think he cares at all actually."
"They barely ever make it to me", Dark Shadow confirms with a shrug.
"Oh great so he only reacts when you get angry or scared to wreck shit up.
Lovely", Bakugou snarls. Mina could crush my head between her thighs and I'd
thank her, he signs.
Same , Kirishima signs. Mina I would pay you.
Is it weird for me to say I like her horns? Kaminari signs. Because goddamn.
They make for great handlebars , Sero signs with a snort. That's probably a bad
thing to say but I'm right.
You ass , Ashido signs, because of course Bakugou taught them how to curse in
sign language. I'll allow it but only because I actually like that.
You know what I like? Sero signs. Denki's highlight. It's so cute!
Right?
I like it when Denki can't keep himself from putting things in his mouth,
Kirishima signs. And not just, in sex, just in general, it's so cute. It's hot
in bed but it's cute all the other time.
I think it's cute all the time, Ashido signs.
Watch out, Best Mouth, Denki's after your title, Bakugou signs.
"What are they even doing", Dark Shadow whispers to Tokoyami.
"I think they're talking", he answers. "But I don't know."
I can't take that title , Kaminari signs. Not against that mouth/throat
combination.
You warm my heart, Sero signs.
And subsequently, your tit, Ashido signs with a giggle. I actually like the way
your throat looks, too.
Aw, honey, really? And here I thought y'all dated me for my tongue.
Nonsense! The way you sound and feel is great, don't get me wrong, but your
looks!
What happened to calling me the plain one?
None of that, Bakugou signs. In this house we love and support our boyfriend
Hanta.
Sero wipes a nonexistent tear from his cheek.I'm blessed.
We're the ones who are blessed, Kirishima signs. We're blessed to have you.
Todoroki claps his hands. Is Sero's mouth really better than Bakugou's?
Absolutely, Ashido says with zero hesitation. I definitely recommend it. Don't
get me wrong, Katsuki's mouth is great, and his hands, HOO BOY, but Hanta.
Hanta is a whole nother level.
Uh, I'm more concerned about how long has Todoroki been reading us?Kirishima
signs, with some alarm.
All along,Todoroki signs.
Since when do you know sign language?
Izuku taught me.
Kirishima hides behind his hands and whines. "Oh my god."
"What's happening?" Tokoyami says. Dark Shadow is nowhere to be found, and who
can blame him for dodging out of the material world after such a long
conversation he couldn't understand.
"I'm actually impressed you taught them this fast, Bakugou", Todoroki says.
"I've been learning much slower."
"How long have you been learning?" Kaminari says, sporting the same sweat
Kirishima is.
"Less than you. If it makes you feel any better, there were quite a few bits
that I didn't get."
"For some reason I don't feel better", Kirishima says. "Fuck."
"You're both weak", Sero laughs.
Kirishima whines louder.
Chapter End Notes
     kirishima signing his name by knocking his fists together from this
     fic. it's great i love it
     i don't know japanese and i sure don't know signed japanese, if
     you're fluent in both and you see something out of place, don't
     hesitate to tell me!
***** Return of the Chats II: the Returnering *****
Chapter Summary
     stakes are getting higher by the minute
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
<DON'T TOUCH MY HAIR>
/murder: yo
/alienQueen: yo
/murder: you know why i'm here
/alienQueen: im not just gonna hand you a nude on a silver platter katsuki
/murder: but you could
/alienQueen: are you telling me you'd accept something you didn't work for?
/alienQueen: who are you and what have you done with the real katsuki
/murder: first off i'm offended you'd think some random ass could beat me and
steal my phone
/murder: second i will fucking work for it but don't expect me to go easy on
you
/alienQueen: i'd be more than glad to work for it too bby
/murder: you'd fucking better be
/murder: or i'll just leave
/alienQueen: im so glad my enthusiasm matters so much to you
/murder: listen if you're not into it then it's a fucking waste of time anyway
/murder: i can get myself off, the fucking point of asking you in the first
place is for you to get off too
/murder: and fucking ENJOY IT
/alienQueen: actually you know what i like most about this stuff with you?
/alienQueen: you always try to get me off at least twice
/alienQueen: even if you're really tired
/alienQueen: just cause i like it that way
/murder: i mean yeah
/murder: you guys always go out of your way to make it a little violent for me
/murder: i notice
/alienQueen: fuck, you do?
/murder: you're not exactly the most subtle bunch
/murder: you do that for me so i try to do things for you too
/murder: im half-convinced you don't even like biting
/alienQueen: no,,, why would you think that,,,
/murder: well you only really ever bite me or hanta and you know how we both
feel about that
/murder: i've never seen you bite denki or ei
/murder: or seen any bitemarks on your other partners
/murder: at least not on any of the skin they show regularly
/alienQueen: yeah
/alienQueen: rara bit me the other day and decided she didn't like it
/murder: did you just call her rara
/alienQueen: i like how you focus on that but not on the fact that i got bitten
/murder: FINE where did you get bitten
/alienQueen sent [boob.jpg]
/murder: that looks painful
/alienQueen: yeah it was worse yesterday, it was so purple
/alienQueen: honestly if had a dick and i knew ochako had such jaw strength i
wouldn't let her blow me
/murder: that sounds like a challenge
/alienQueen: wanna ask her out with me sometime?
/murder: ,,,,,,,,, anyway
/alienQueen: aw
/murder: that's quite possibly the worse train of thought i could have right
now but i cant stop thinking the bitemark i left on icyhot's boob
/alienQueen: pardon my ass?
/murder: you know how to read
/alienQueen: did you bite todoroki hard enough to leave a mark
/alienQueen: did it look like mine?
/murder: idk i haven't seen it since i made it
/murder: and prolly not bc it formed faster than any of mine did
/alienQueen: elaborate
/murder: on bruise forming?
/alienQueen: on your fucking bitemarks, katsu
/murder: well deku bit the everloving shit out of me
/murder sent [do_i_look_like_lunch.jpg]
/murder: and apparently it's not even a thing he DOES
/alienQueen: mmm baby you look just like lunch
/alienQueen: so tasty
/alienQueen: yummy and delicious
/alienQueen: god i wanna eat you whole
/alienQueen: i want to swallow you up until there's nothing left of you
/murder: I FUCKING GIVE TAKE IT JUST TAKE IT
/murder sent [heresyourfuckingnude.jpg]
/alienQueen: shit boi you look great
/alienQueen: gimme a moment to take my undies off so it counts
/murder: fucking plot twist i legit thought you were gonna dodge again
/alienQueen sent [nakednude.jpg]
/murder: that's,., a lot of hickeys
/alienQueen: denki
/murder: figures
/murder: you look really bothered in that pic mina
/alienQueen: thats because i am
/murder: shame the only way to directly get someone off through the phone
actually hides the text
/alienQueen: there's a way to get someone off through the phone?
/alienQueen: WITHOUT words?
/murder: you're an idiot
/murder: set it to vibrate
/alienQueen: shit you right
/alienQueen: can you uh
/murder: sure yeah tell me when to speak again
/murder: ,
/murder: ,,.,
/murder: ,
/murder: .
/murder: .
/murder: .
/murder: .
/murder: .
/murder: .
/murder: .
/alienQueen: it's good but gets boring quickly
/alienQueen: plus i keep worrying you're actually saying something
/murder: ikr
/alienQueen: okay when have you tried this before
/murder: ei comes to me first whenever he wants to try out some new kink
/murder: i think he mostly reads weird stuff on the internet and then tries
them to see if he's into them
/alienQueen: ah so that's why he has so many kinks
/alienQueen: he literally tries out everything he reads online
/murder: yeah
/murder: how're you doing
/alienQueen: oh no i finished earlier with the text vibes i was just hoping to
talk you into a second round
/murder: i dont see why not
/murder: you good rn?
/alienQueen: yea love go for it
/murder: you make it sound like i can pull this off one-sided
/murder: i mean if anyone CAN it's gonna be me
/murder: and shit it's not like i can't keep my mouth running if it means
getting you off
/murder: but cut me a little slack that's the most hickeys i've ever seen on a
single thigh
/alienQueen: they can't be that many
/murder: you're more bruise than skin at this point
/murder: and sorry we're both thinking it so i'm gonna say it, your skin in
particular makes for some seriously intricate colors like what the shit no
bruise has any business looking this good
/murder: sorry
/alienQueen: no it's fine i think they're pretty too
/murder: but it's DISGUSTING you're fucking bruised!
/alienQueen: they're hickeys, im not actually hurt
/murder: why,, do they make it seem like your blood is purple
/alienQueen: man don't ask me you fleshy ppl get purple and green and blue
sometimes
/alienQueen: im allowed to get teal if i want to
/murder: there's an entire rainbow between your thighs
/alienQueen: shit
/murder: i can literally count all seven colors there
/murder: in fact the closer i look the better it seems
/murder: is this just the camera or is it like that irl too?
/murder: what, can't answer?
/murder: are your hands busy?
/murder: wish it was my hands. then i could run my fingers all over those
pretty-ass colors
/murder: speaking of pretty ass tell me you're not bruised there too
/murder: later, when you have hands that can answer
/murder: and actually would it be too bad if i wanted to compare lovebites?
/murder: could you sit on my chest?
/murder: and let me see that rainbow up close?
/alienQueen: hey
/murder: hey
/alienQueen: it looks like that irl too, i'm not bruised on my butt, i'd love
to sit on your chest
/alienQueen: and uh thanks
/murder: for what
/alienQueen: you stuck around to finish me twice again
/alienQueen: even though you only really started texting to up your score and
you got it on the first time
/alienQueen: you could've left but you didn't so thanks
/murder: what is wrong with you you make it sound like i don't want to make you
come back to back on the regular
/murder: getting the bet out of the way quickly was ideal scenario tbh
/murder: so i didn't have to think about that anymore and i could focus on your
enjoyment
/alienQueen: do you have any idea how much i love you?
/murder: yeah
/murder: i love you too
/alienQueen: <33333333333333
/murder: <3
 
 
<TEAM BAKUGOU (PLUS KAMINARI)>
/murder: B2/4, A3/4
/alienQueen: conf
/murder: finish the fucking word
/alienQueen: irm
/sero(p)han: i cant believe you two
/sero(p)han: ive been bested
/jam-yay: hey mina only has one to go!
/RR: i'll be waiting~
/alienQueen: yeah keep waiting love bc i just came so nicely i legit think i
might take a break for a couple of days
/jam-yay: okay baku what the FCK did you do
/murder: my job as a boyfriend
/murder: now i know this might be hard for you to understand, drooly, but some
people can actually give their partners good sexts
/sero(p)han: objection your honor
/RR: what's your objection?
/sero(p)han: the defendant has sent several successful sexts in the past and
thus the plaintiff is a liar
/RR: sustained
/RR: katsuki you're a liar
/murder: fuck you
/alienQueen: pardon my client, he's expressing himself in such a vulgar manner
because he just got done sexting me
/murder: i'm not having you as my fucking lawyer
/alienQueen: your fucking lawyer
/sero(p)han: your honor the plaintiff and his lawyer are flirting
/RR: i'll allow it
/jam-yay: your honor you suck balls at this
/RR: not right now but if you can meet me at the showers later then maybe i
will
/murder: several objections
/RR: let's hear them!
/murder: your honor don't fucking booty text the defendant
/murder: i DO NOT have a lawyer i'm defending myself
/murder: the defendant's lawyer never proved what he claimed during his
objection to be true
/murder: i'm not a fucking liar there's a difference between a successful sext
and a good sext
/RR: overruled, sustained, sustained, sustained
/RR: if you could please prove your claim, mr defendant's lawyer?
/sero(p)han: yes i claimed that denki can sext fine and i call a witness to the
stand
/sero(p)han: its me
/sero(p)han: im the witness
/sero(p)han: and as a witness im telling you he can sext
/sero(p)han: you have to take my word as best mouth
/RR: shit he's right
/RR: jury?
/alienQueen: me?
/RR: ye
/alienQueen: innocent!
/RR: you heard it here folks denki can sext okay
/RR: court is out of session
/RR: bang bang
/murder: ei i trusted you
/RR: well i'm not saying he's some MASTER SEXTER or whatever, but he can sext
alright!
/murder: we started a massive bet over his inability to sext
/murder: speaking of which, hanta, 10
/sero(p)han: SHIT
/sero(p)han: do you even HAVE 10000y at hand??
/murder: i'll get you it
/sero(p)han: sweet
/alienQueen: SUPER sweet i'm gonna be swimming in cash
/murder: dream on acid
/alienQueen: buddy i only have one to go and that one is ei
/alienQueen: i'm golden
/murder: yeah the only one you have left is ei
/alienQueen: wait shit
/alienQueen: have you bribed him to NOT give out any nudes?
/murder: i'd never
/alienQueen: ei has he bribed you so you won't send any of us any nudes?
/RR: i can neither confirm nor deny
/alienQueen: SHIT
/alienQueen: no it's fine i still have this in the bag just
/alienQueen: on a scale of 1-10 how much did he bribe you?
/RR: 11
/murder: you'd grade that an eleven?
/RR: can you do worse
/murder: think about it take your time
/RR: y
/RR: you wouldn't
/murder: i would for the victory and also this kinda money
/alienQueen: hello officer i'm getting fucking MURDERED
/alienQueen: EI I CAN DO YOU A 12
/RR: i highly doubt it
/alienQueen: ,,,,,,,,,, i can,,,,,,, enlist tooru's help,,,,,,,,
/RR: ???
/alienQueen: ,,,,,,,questionable,,,,,,,,,,,,
/jam-yay: wait is this the thing?
/alienQueen:,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, VERY
QUESTIONABLE,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
/jam-yay: mina i love you but if that's how you're planning on doing that i'd
rather it happen AFTER i've slept with hagakure
/sero(p)han: i like this confidence you have that you will inevitably fuck our
entire class
/jam-yay: i'll fuck the other classes too i'll fuck the entire school
/RR: now THAT's questionable
/murder: mina i'll tell you 11 if you tell me what you thought for 12
/alienQueen: deal tooru can sneak literally anything on campus and i wouldn't
put it past her to sneak in toys
/alienQueen: sex toys i mean
/alienQueen: but uh size depending, her methods of sneaking might be a little
questionable
/alienQueen: cause like. her quirk. is what lets her be sneaky.
/murder: i
/murder: was not
/murder: expecting that,,,
/murder: don't you fucking dare use any of those tho
/alienQueen: ,,,,,questionable,,,
/murder: mina i refuse to see you using a toy if that's where it's been
/alienQueen: FUCK FINE ei i can't do you a 12 :(
/RR: i.. may have to knock katsuki's thing down to a 9
/murder: shit i can't even blame you it does sound pretty tame after that
/alienQueen: what was it?
/murder: fucking steel asshole from class b
/jam-yay: what the fuck that would get ME an ei nude
/murder: no FUCKING steel asshole
/murder: like, independently
/murder: without ei's involvement
/sero(p)han: ei what is wrong with you why would you miss out on your chance to
see that
/RR: it's,,,,,, not  like that,,,,,,,,
/jam-yay: yeah i mean what the fuck? when you got me in you had me in the
sidelines
/jam-yay: boi are you that smitten?
/RR: dont kinkshame me
/sero(p)han: we will
/alienQueen: i won't
/alienQueen: just explain how you're gonna get enjoyment out of that???
/murder: pics
/sero(p)han: oh
/jam-yay: ooohhhh
/sero(p)han: ohohoHOHOHO EI YOU NASTY DICK!
/RR: excuse you my dick is the best
/sero(p)han: youre having your boyfriend fuck your fuckbro and send you pics of
that
/sero(p)han: thats PRICELESS how did i not think of that
/murder: i mean if steelass agrees im gonna cyber the fuck out of ei but w/e
/RR: kjlhiokjmh KATSUKI PLEASE
/murder: you know what to do
/RR: mina i'm sorry my hands are tied
/alienQueen: well FUCK THAT i can get myself a knife to cut your hands free
without tooru's help
/RR: no way
/murder: yeah i call bullshit
/alienQueen: fine be that way
/alienQueen: just dont come crying when i win the bet and you all automatically
know why
/sero(p)han: can
/sero(p)han: can i get some too?
/alienQueen: hmmm idk it sounds like a bother
/sero: MINA
/alienQueen: hanta
Chapter End Notes
     yo i just realized i didn't actually have my social media linked in
     my end notes, whoops
     fixed that now
     also how the FUCK did i manage to squeeze in that hagakure thing
***** The KiriDeku Date *****
Chapter Summary
     blink-and-you'll-miss-it mention of the grape. that's as close as
     he'll get in this fic.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"Well, we're going", Kirishima says. "See you all later!"
"Later!" Kaminari says, waving a little jaggedly due to a recent overload.
"Use protection!" Uraraka calls.
Kirishima hides his face.
Midoriya waves back, laughing. "We will!"
"I like you like this much better", Kirishima says once they're out the door.
"Your entire attitude changes when Katsuki is around."
"Ah, yes. I know. I like me like this much better, too", Midoriya says. "I'm
always lowkey scared he's going to start a fight, you know?"
"I know! But I guess it's different for me than it is for you. Usually I'm the
one who has to keep him from murder."
"Oh! Because of your quirk, right? So it's a bit of a burden, huh... And here I
thought it would be convenient. I guess I wasn't really thinking."
"No, what are you saying?" Kirishima knocks his shoulder to Midoriya's as they
walk, making him stumble. "My quirk is super useful, but yours is so much
cooler!"
Midoriya waves a hand, face going red. "But yours is plenty cool, Kirishima!
And, in a way, our quirks are opposite of one another!"
"What do you mean?"
"Yours keeps you from getting hurt. Mine breaks me." Midoriya laughs.
"That's not funny", Kirishima frowns. "Midoriya, you've gotten much better at
handling your quirk in the little time I've known you. Don't go overdoing it so
much you start hurting yourself again, man."
"Ah..." Midoriya rubs a hand behind his head. "I'm sorry. I was just thinking,
like. Had I had your quirk, would I not be scared of Kacchan?"
Kirishima stuffs his hands in his pockets. "I don't know. I'm only ever scared
of him when he does something I wasn't expecting. I can't imagine what it must
be like to know what he's going to do and still be scared of that."
Midoriya almost stumbles again. "Kirishima, you're scared of Kacchan?"
"Oh no, not like you are! I mean like. I like to think I know him well at this
point, right? And it's not like he's ever quiet about his intentions. At least,
not to me. So usually I can tell what he's trying to do, or guess what he's
going to do, or trust myself that I can react fast even when I don't know what
he's doing until after he's done it. And I can deal with that! That means I
have time to react, to keep myself and him and others safe from any kind of
harm."
Midoriya blinks up at him. "Huh."
"You probably know him better than I do", Kirishima shrugs, walking into the
train station. "I imagine you can even tell what he's thinking sometimes. So I
really can't understand what it must be like, knowing his every move and still
fearing him."
"So what you understand, you can protect yourself from..."
"Oh, exactly! That's a nice way of putting it! I should write that down."
Kirishima pulls out his phone. He responds to a couple of texts before he
actually writes down the note.
They step into their train.
"So, um", Midoriya mutters inaudibly, gathering his wits about him. "Where are
we going?"
"It's only a few stops over, and then a short walk. It's a really cool park
with this, god, this  massive  jungle gym."
Midoriya laughs. "Are they gonna let us on it?"
"Sure! It's for adults, but teens are allowed too. It's like an amusement park,
must be this tall to ride, and stuff."
"Oh, that's great! Do you come here often, Kirishima?"
"Nah, jungle gyms are kind of a challenge for me, you know? I'm heavy."
"Come on, you can't be that heavy..."
"No, I'm serious! My quirk makes me super heavy! And I get even heavier when I
activate it!"
"Oh, wait", Midoriya gasps. "I thought you weighted regular when you're not
using it."
"Nope, I'm heavy all the time. I bet even you would break a sweat to lift me!"
"Oh come on, it's not like I'm the epitome of strength or anything..."
Kirishima cups Midoriya's face. "Midoriya, dear, you're  shredded."
Midoriya blinks a couple of times, flushes and pulls away to hide his face
behind his arms.
"Ah, sorry, I didn't mean to grab you like that. Oh and I called you that,
sorry..."
"It's fine", Midoriya stammers. "You just caught me by surprise, is all. It was
nice."
They get off the train and walk to the park, each thankful for the moment of
silence, for once.
Midoriya grows sparkles in his eyes when he sees the jungle gym. "Kirishima...
it's beautiful."
"Right? Wanna climb it?"
"Absolutely, let's."
Midoriya makes it to the top after a short struggle, leaving Kirishima
somewhere in the middle of the structure, surrounded by metal bars on all
sides. Kirishima looks up and waves. Midoriya waves back and climbs down
slowly, slipping to the inside of the jungle instead of sticking to the outside
like he had done before.
"Hey", he says when he's close enough to touch. He plants his feet on a bar at
the height of Kirishima's waist and crouches there, keeping handholds above him
to keep his balance.
"Hey."
"This is really fun. Thank you for bringing me here."
"See, I knew you'd like it", Kirishima laughs.
"Have you ever been to the top?"
"A couple of times." Kirishima leans closer, resting his shoulder on a pole.
"But I like it here too. From here it feels like a jungle. From up there it
feels like a mountain."
"Huh", Midoriya says, and leans the rest of the way to kiss Kirishima.
Kirishima makes a happy little noise at the back of his throat and leans a bit
more and predictably loses his footing, falling a good couple of levels before
he manages to stop.
Midoriya shrieks. "Are you okay?"
"Come on!" Kirishima laughs. "You know I don't get hurt that easily."
Midoriya slithers his way to Kirishima in a hurry. "Yeah but only if you can
react in time! It's not like everyone's knee-jerk response to danger is
activating their quirk."
"It is for me", Kirishima says. "I mean, my quirk counteracts danger pretty
well."
From this close, Midoriya can see where Kirishima has hardened his joints so
he's too solid to fall further down. "... Can you move?"
"Absolutely not, please help."
Midoriya laughs, and with a bit of a spark across his skin, manages to pull the
rigid Kirishima up and over a bar safely enough for him to soften and grab hold
of his own.
"So you do struggle to lift me", Kirishima says. "I knew it."
"What? No, that's not fair. You were hard enough that your joints couldn't
move! And I don't have good footing."
"Let's get out, then, so you can prove me wrong."
Midoriya grins. "Race you."
Kirishima sighs in defeat and focuses on making it to the ground and out of the
jungle in one piece with the knowledge that he can't possibly race Midoriya. He
plants his feet on the ground and weaves his way out of the structure.
"There you are", Midoriya says, a little out of breath. "I was getting worried
you'd gotten stuck again."
"Naw, I'd have found my way out", Kirishima says. "So, pick me up, strong boy."
Midoriya laughs and rolls his eyes. "Sure." He crouches in front of Kirishima
and wraps his arms around his waist. He straightens his legs, effectively
lifting him. "See? No sweat."
"Impressive indeed!" Kirishima says, putting his hands on Midoriya's shoulders
for balance. "Can you pick me up bridal style?"
Midoriya puts him down, then picks him back up sideways. "Looks like I can!"
Kirishima giggles in his hands before he secures them, again, around Midoriya's
shoulders. "Sorry, I've never been carried like this before."
"What!" Midoriya says. "Unacceptable!"
"Can you walk around a bit?"
Midoriya takes off to the other side of the park. "I can't believe this is your
first time getting carried! Has no one willing ever been heavier than you?"
"I mean, Katsuki can lift me for like ten seconds, but I can tell he hurts. And
Tetsu is heavier than me with his quirk active, but lighter without it. He
can't walk while carrying me like you can. Unless it's a piggyback."
"Kirishima, that's awful. You've seriously been missing out."
"No yeah I can tell."
"You know who gives the best piggybacks and is also strong enough to carry you?
Shouji."
Kirishima blinks. "Wait, really?"
"Dude, Shouji could  run  with two entire people on his shoulders. He could
piggyback me with  half of his arms."
"Oh my god. Why hadn't I thought of that?"
Midoriya stops in front of a swingset and puts Kirishima down. "You really
ought to think of everyone, you know. And you thought of Tetsutetsu before
Shouji of your own class? Unbelievable."
Kirishima takes a seat in a swing. "Aw, you did get tired."
"You  are  heavy."
"Do you think your quirk could lift mine?"
"Possibly."
"On your shoulders?"
"Let's try that without your quirk first."
"Could-- Could you bench press me?"
Midoriya lifts his eyebrows. "I think so, yeah."
Kirishima lets out a long, high-pitched whine and pulls his scarf up over his
face.
Midoriya sits in the swing next to him. "Are you okay?"
"I am  very  weak for feeling vulnerable.  Very.  I don't-- I don't often get
the chance to, with my quirk being what it is. It's nice to be the one lifted
for a change."
Midoriya gasps. "Oh, is this what you meant by 'quirks that can destroy you'?"
"Yes."
"And mine falls in that category?"
Kirishima groans from behind his scarf. "Yes."
"And Shouto's...?"
"Fuck yes."
"And Kacchan's? Kaminari's?"
"Yes, fuck, all of those!" Kirishima drops his scarf to his collarbone.
"Midoriya I would literally beg for some of the people in our class to get
their quirk up against mine in a sexual or even vaguely suggestive situation."
Midoriya flushes. "Me?"
Kirishima pauses. "Do you want me to?"
"No! I mean, wait no, I mean no. My quirk isn't exactly suited for, uh, stuff
like that."
"But you'll still bench press me, right?"
"I can... try?"
"Right now?  Please?"
Midoriya bites his lip. Kirishima drops his eyes to it.
"Okay", Midoriya says.
He lies on the ground and Kirishima shuffles for a moment, suddenly very aware
that he's not entirely sure what the hovering one is supposed to be doing.
"Just keep your legs together", Midoriya says from the ground. "Here, put your
thigh in my hand, and lean back so I can catch your back, too. And make sure
you keep your arms on you, okay?"
Kirishima lies over Midoriya's hands, and contemplates his life in the moment
when he stays suspended in the air. "You bench people often?"
"You know who I'm dating", Midoriya laughs, a bit strained. He measures his
breathing and benches Kirishima, and Kirishima positively sees the answers to
the universe.
The second time Midoriya does it, Kirishima ascends to a higher plane of
existence.
On the third, Kirishima's sure he's actually dead.
And he doesn't get used to it, on the contrary, it keeps getting better.
Eventually Midoriya bends only the arm holding Kirishima's legs to let him
down. Kirishima finds himself wobbly, his footing unsure, and he grabs onto the
swingset's support for dear life. "Midoriya I think I just bro-fisted God."
"You what?"
"That was glorious. I think I might cry. Don't worry for me if I cry, I'm just
so happy-- shit I'm crying already. It's- it's fine, Midoriya, I'm fine."
Midoriya picks himself up and begins dusting off. His hair alone seems stubborn
enough to keep him there all day.
Kirishima slowly makes his way to sit on the swing so he can sob his heart out.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Midoriya that was easily the single best physical experience I've ever had in
my life. And you  know  about my sex life, shit, you know more about it that
approximately the entire class."
"Come on, it can't have been that good..."
"I am dead serious", Kirishima says and he drops his hands so he can look right
into Midoriya's soul with those shiny bloodshot eyes. "I may change my mind
later when the feeling wears off but right now, in this moment, what I just
said stands true."
Midoriya gives a nervous laugh, looking anywhere but Kirishima's spilling eyes.
"I really doubt that."
"You only say that because you're small and light. I do  not  get lifted,
Midoriya, ever. It's a special occasion when I do. You have no idea how much I
cherish it when it does happen, and you just bench pressed me. You just-- you--
" and he breaks into tears again.
Midoriya swings next to him until he calms down.
Kirishima wipes his face and takes a few breaths. "Okay, I'm good. I can't
believe I just shook hands with the afterlife and it winked back."
Midoriya laughs. "How do you even come up with this stuff?"
"I'm being honest! That's what it felt like." Kirishima stands and straightens
himself out. "Is it too trashy to wanna put out on our first date?"
Midoriya leans his head to the swing's chain, finally makes eye contact again.
"We've been living in the same building."
"Oh don't ever use that logic on Denki, he's gonna jump you on the spot."
Midoriya laughs. "And you're not?"
"Not here, that's for sure. We'd scare the children." Kirishima makes grabby
hands. "But I know a place we can go to."
He pulls Midoriya to his feet.
"Where are we going?"
"See that slide set?"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Midoriya looks between the giant slide and Kirishima's back as they approach.
"Wait-- no! There's gonna be children there-- Kirishima!"
"Nu-uh!" Kirishima turns to wink. "The ladder is actually broken. It's been
broken for like a month, so they closed off the entire set since the kids can't
get on it, and the slide's too small to fit anyone tall enough to climb up."
Midoriya scatters an array of nervous glances around them, belatedly notices
that he hasn't seen a single child since they left the jungle gym's side of the
park. "Wait, isn't this a playground? Where're the kids?"
"It's getting pretty late", Kirishima notes, looking up at the sky. "I think we
just missed sunset, actually. It'll be dark soon." He turns back to Midoriya
and winks again. "You know what happens in the dark."
Midoriya bursts out in laughter. He can't help it. "I can't tell if you're too
good or too bad at flirting."
"Oh please, we're way past flirting", Kirishima says, dropping Midoriya's hand
to inspect the broken ladder. "It's called foreplay at this point."
Midoriya's face catches fire. He turns his attention to the slide set, and it
looks way larger up close, even though he thought it was big from afar. There's
at least three slides on it, and there might be more on the other side that
Midoriya can't see. There are a few room-chamber thingys shaped like houses,
connected with bridges and planks and a ladder that goes up to the level above.
Midoriya breathes a relieved sigh when he realizes the upper level isn't open
in any side - it's actually safe for kids to go up there.
"Well, come on", Kirishima says, somehow already up on the platform the broken
ladder leads to. He offers his hand.
Midoriya takes it and heaves himself up.
"There we go", Kirishima grins. "Hey there. Wanna go up? The view's great."
"It can't look better than you", Midoriya says.
"Oh well shit, fuck me sideways", Kirishima breathes. "Actually do that. Maybe
not here and now but please do that at some point."
Midoriya laughs. "Sure."
They climb up to the topmost level and Midoriya discovers the second
functionality of it being closed on all sides - horny teenagers like them can
mess around with a decent amount of privacy.
He puts his back to one of the wooden sidewalls and sits down. "It's nice."
"It's better when you can actually see the park", Kirishima muses. "Maybe we
should've come here a little earlier to catch more sun."
"Nonsense", Midoriya giggles, pulling Kirishima by the wrists. "Don't you know
what happens in the dark?"
Kirishima's laughter is cut short when making out becomes a bigger priority.
Kirishima shuffles closer between Midoriya's legs, lifting him by the hips. He
crosses his legs and stuffs them under Midoriya. Midoriya splays his own legs
behind Kirishima and pulls him so Kirishima understands to push him to the
wall.
Midoriya feels the need to breathe first. He pulls back with a gasp. Kirishima
takes the chance to make out with the freckles on his neck.
"Mm, Kirishima, can. Can I give you a handy?"
"Can I reciprocate?"
"Please."
Kirishima hums into Midoriya's throat. "Okay, but before that I have to warn
you that all my condoms are candy red."
"Aw, no fair. Mine are clear."
Kirishima laughs. "I'll trade you."
"Ah yes, my life's dream, to see my dick in candy red, finally coming true."
Kirishima laughs louder. "Dude."
Midoriya catches the back of Kirishima's shirt with one hand and rests the
other at his neck. "Come on", he whines. "I really wanna see if your bite
matches your bark."
Kirishima actually bites him.
"I meant that metaphorically."
"I know but you don't seem to be complaining."
Midoriya laughs. He unlatches his hand from Kirishima's shirt and reaches
between them to palm at him. "Mm, maybe."
"I like that-- that humming thing you do. That mmm", Kirishima huffs. "It
sounds nice."
"Yeah?" Midoriya mumbles, slowly, distracting even himself with his
ministrations. "I like it too." He slips a box of condoms out of his pocket
with his free hand, and now that Kirishima has no hands holding him close he
takes the chance to shrug his jacket off.
Before he tosses it back, he takes a red box out of the inner pocket.
"Oh my god just how bright is that candy red?"
"Let's see!" Kirishima laughs and works his hand into Midoriya's pants.
It takes some shuffling but after they manage to get condoms on each other,
Midoriya has to pause and look.
"It's so bright."
"Yes."
"I'm... kind of distracted by it."
"Aw, babe", Kirishima nudges Midoriya's chin upwards. "I can distract you
more."
Midoriya blinks. "Call me that again."
"Babe?"
"B... Babe", Midoriya breathes. Then he giggles. "Babe!"
"Don't tell me your partners never call you that."
"No, no", Midoriya giggles between heavy breaths, one hand between them and the
other around Kirishima's shoulders. "I have to admit the nicknames I hear on
the regular are pretty lovey dovey." He bows his head forward, bringing their
foreheads together. "Mm."
"Babe you're making me want in on that", Kirishima pants. He's having a bit of
trouble keeping his balance, now, with both of them rolling their hips. "Think
you could talk yours into getting me in?"
"I might", Midoriya breathes so deep he barely puts any voice in his words. He
rolls his head back and finishes while biting his lip.
Kirishima dives into his exposed neck and it's not long before he comes, too.
Midoriya shakes his head. "I have pocket tissues..." He goes slack against the
wood.
Kirishima pats him down, finds the tissues in one of Midoriya's cargo pants
pockets. He takes care of the mess and bunches it up enough that it just
becomes a ball of tissue.
Midoriya laughs when he notices.
"Hey I have to climb down a working ladder and jump down a broken one while
holding this, I don't want it getting unraveled."
"Give it me", Midoriya says. "I can jump down from here."
"What? No, you'll get hurt."
"I mean I'll use my quirk. We have licences, remember? We can use our quirks in
public spaces."
Kirishima blinks. "Right." He awkwardly hands over the ball of shame and
watches, with some amazement, as Midoriya hops off the slide set, throws the
unmentionable to the trash, then hops back on without a care in the world.
He snuggles into Kirishima's side and Kirishima damn near gets whiplash.
"Shit", he mutters. "How is it physically possible to be this cute right after
a fuck?"
"I don't know", Midoriya shrugs. "How do you do it, Kirishima?"
Kirishima squeals. "Now listen here---"
Midoriya laughs. He relaxes back into Kirishima with a hum. "Should we go get
some food?"
"I guess it'd be cheaper to eat back at the dorms..."
"I'm pretty hungry."
"Street food?"
"Street food."
They grab a bite to eat on their way back and make it home pretty early.
They find Sero and Todoroki locked in what looks to be the most boring game of
chess either of them has ever been a part of. Todoroki is the first to spot
them.
"Oh, you're back. Welcome home."
Midoriya goes over and plays Todoroki's turn. "Hey."
"Wait, you can't just play for him", Sero frowns.
Kirishima plants his chin on top of Sero's head.
"Fair argument", Sero says. "Ei, wanna play for me?"
"I actually don't even know the rules." Kirishima snuggles into Sero's hair.
"Okay what the hell", Sero says. He exchanges a look with Todoroki. "I can't
tell if your date was good or bad. Why are you so snuggly on me? Like, was it
so good you have leftover affection, or so bad you have to make up for it with
some good cuddles?"
"Naw, it was good", Kirishima says.
Todoroki shakes his shoulder to get Midoriya's attention. "What about you,
Izuku?"
"Mm, it was good."
"Oh", Todoroki goes. "The hum."
"Mm", Midoriya confirms.
Todoroki locks eyes with Kirishima. His smirk is too knowing for Kirishima's
comfort.
Chapter End Notes
     callout @ myself: up until today i was under the impression that
     kami's room was on the second floor, next to midoriya's?? but it's
     actually on the third?? unacceptable i can't even read a simple
     diagram apparently. and to think i was waiting to lift the dekuban
     and i've missed all these chances to have kami's room as a fuckspot.
     wild.
***** It's not as Bad an Idea as you Think *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"Correct me if I'm wrong", Kirishima begins, "but if my math is right, then--
" He gestures between himself and Bakugou, between himself and Midoriya,
between Bakugou and Midoriya, then makes a bunch of vague gestures at all three
of them.
"Okay it's official", Bakugou says. "Denki just went up a notch becausethatwas
the worst proposition for a threesome I've ever heard."
Kirishima frowns. "Come on, worse than Denki's?"
"At least Denki had the decency to suggest good matchups", Bakugou growls. He
points to Midoriya. "This shit? Terrible."
"I don't know if I should be offended or admit that I see Kacchan's point",
Midoriya says. "Kirishima, you two make for very different thoughts in my head.
You can't expect me to process them both at the same time."
"Oh so you canopen your mouth without sprouting shit", Bakugou says. "What a
surprise."
"Yeah but I wanna test your squad's suspicion!" Kirishima pouts.
Midoriya yelps.
"His what?" Bakugou frowns.
"Rumor has it Midoriya works best in threes."
"Oh that explains a lot", Bakugou laughs.
Midoriya lifts his notebook to his face to use as tactical cover.
"Okay let's revisit that thought some other time when he's not so flustered",
Kirishima says. "Let's talk about the bet."
"I said I'd do it!" Bakugou groans. "Fuck! Chill your tits, I'll get to it!"
Kirishima laughs. "That's always nice to hear, but have you even talked to
him?"
"Yes." Bakugou looks away. "Maybe."
"Katsuki."
"Okay so I may have cussed him out once or twice."
"Katsuki that's not how you go about seducing people."
Midoriya peeks over the top of his notebook. "Who's Kacchan seducing?"
"None of your fucking business", Bakugou snarls. "Read your shitty notes,
nerd."
Midoriya flips him off, but looks back to his notebook.
"And you", Bakugou continues, jabbing a finger into Kirishima's chest. "Do your
fucking homework."
"Fine, I will. But! You have to at least consider a threesome with me and
Midoriya."
"I considered it. It sucks. Do your homework."
"No, I mean really consider! Give it some thought, Katsuki!"
Kirishima and Bakugou engage in a heated staredown. Bakugou's ears go red.
"Ha!" Kirishima says. "What did you just think of?"
Bakugou shoves his hand to Kirishima's face. "Keep that up and you'll never see
another threesome with me."
"You wouldn't last two weeks without my sweet love."
Midoriya - and several of the others - snorts behind his hand.
"Never in your life do I want to hear you say that ever again."
"Aww, Katsuki, love, let me give you that sweet, sweet lovin'. That honey suck.
That candy snog."
Bakugou punches Kirishima in the throat and stands up. "I'm never sleeping with
you again."
"You'll get Eijirou-deficiency."
"I will fucking not."
"You will", Sero calls from the next table over. "It's like you have to fill a
quota or you get too crabby to talk."
Kaminari and Ashido nod along, the traitors. Midoriya has absolutely lost his
marbles at this point.
"I'm never fucking any of you ever again", Bakugou snarls. "And then let's see
who'll get a deficiency."
"No way man", Kirishima continues, for lack of better survival skills. "If you
don't work some energy off on us you're gonna blow up in a very bad way."
Bakugou looks around the room. He points to Tokoyami and Shouji on the couch.
"See that bird?" he tells Kirishima. "I'm gonna fuck that bird." He flips him
off, back walking to the couch.
"That! Doesn't sound like a good idea--" Kirishima tries, quick to make the
connection between those two quirks in particular, but it's too late. Bakugou
is already chatting it up quietly with the pair.
Tokoyami shifts in Shouji's lap. "No."
"I didn't even say anything", Bakugou says.
"You said enough", Tokoyami grumbles before he's completely enveloped.
Shouji secures his arms around Tokoyami, hiding him in a cocoon made of
boyfriend beef. "You heard him."
Bakugou glares. He takes a deep breath. "Let me talk to him."
"No."
"Eyefuck, we're literally going to be on your lap. If you can't keep me at bay
on your damn lap then you're way more stupid than I give you credit for."
Tokoyami mumbles something. Shouji opens half his arms for Bakugou to crawl in,
then closes them again.
Once he's inside Bakugou isn't sure if it's cozy or fucking creepy as shit. On
one hand (ha) it's nice to be in a secure, warm space and it must be even nicer
for Tokoyami, who's getting a massive hug from his boyfriend. On the other hand
they're in a flesh cave and Bakugou is vaguely unnerved with each of Shouji's
movements.
Shouji sets his legs a little further apart so his lap can fit them both.
"So, talk", Tokoyami says, having pulled his knees up to rest his beak on.
Bakugou lets his feet hang between Shouji's. "This. Is awkward as hell."
"I think it's nice", Tokoyami says. "Less so, now that you're here."
Bakugou pulls on his own hair. "I. I might like you a little, okay? But not in
the feelings kinda way. I just. I have to admit, half of it has got to be
curiosity, but fuck. I want to sleep with you?"
"You just wish to be petty against your partners", Tokoyami frowns.
"Forget my datemates for a moment", Bakugou growls. "Forget I even have them,
just think of me. Would it be too far fetched to say you wouldn't mind sleeping
with me?"
Shouji spreads his top arms to get a better view inside. "Bakugou, no offense,
but I don't think anyone in this class doesn't think you're a hot piece of ass.
We just can't even pretendwe tolerate your personality."
"This is a conversation between me and him", Bakugou says. "Stay out of it."
"I can't. You're having this conversation on me, in me, therefore it concerns
me."
Bakugou pulls a face. "Must you phrase it like that?"
"Yes."
There's nowhere Bakugou can look that's neither Shouji nor Tokoyami. "Okay fuck
it, this isn't how I thought this would go but who gives a shit." He sets his
eyes to Shouji's. "I really, really want to fuck you."
"Wait", Tokoyami says, letting his feet fall. "All I got was a question, but
Mezou gets a really really?"
"Duh", Bakugou shrugs. "Have you seen my main piece?"
"You have a main piece now?"
"Eijirou. I meant Eijirou, come on, that one was obvious."
Tokoyami covers his own biceps. "Hey, not all of us can be that shredded."
Bakugou leans back into Shouji's arms. "Some of us can."
Shouji knocks the inside of his elbows to Bakugou's head. "That's a little
shallow of a reason."
Bakugou frowns. "Don't make me call out the big guns."
"The what."
"Eijirou had a very interesting conversation to share the other day", Bakugou
says. "I believe you had a really good comeback for something he said?"
Shouji flushes on all ears. He covers it up by turning his extra ones to hands,
but it's too late. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"You do", Tokoyami gasps. "You know exactly what he's talking about! Bakugou,
what is it?"
Bakugou strokes his imaginary beard. "Now, what was it, I wonder?"
Shouji whines. "I give. Bakugou please, mercy. Give us two minutes, okay?"
Bakugou grins. "Okay." He crawls out of the Shouji cave and stretches his
limbs. He can hear the two talk in there, but when he turns to look he finds
four dupli-eyes staring back at him so he looks elsewhere.
Tokoyami screeches from inside. He pulls at Shouji's top arms to stand.
"Kirishima! I trusted you! I trusted you and you didn't even fucking share that
idea!"
"What?" Kirishima calls from his table.
Shouji picks Tokoyami up and absconds to a study room. He pops his head back in
the common room a moment later.
"Bakugou?"
"What."
Shouji ponders for a moment, then seemingly realizes there's no good way to
phrase it. "We're in."
"Sweet", Bakugou laughs. "When, where?"
"Here and now", Tokoyami screeches from the study room.
Shouji hangs his head and rubs between his eyes. "Are you available right now?"
"Sure."
"Then at least let's go to my room. I'm not-- No, Fumi, I'm not fucking in
here. I'm not."
Bakugou snorts as he walks closer. "Fumi?"
"Oh please", Shouji huffs. "This isn't half as bad as the shit I hear from your
room."
Tokoyami climbs up Shouji's back. Shouji reaches an arm behind him for support
as an afterthought.
"I'm partly convinced you don't actually know our names", Tokoyami says.
"I know your shitty names."
"What's mine?"
"Asshat."
Tokoyami stretches higher to yell over Shouji's head. "Kirishima what do you
even see in him?"
"He calls me decent nicknames! Ask Shouji, apparently he knows all about it."
"I wish I didn't", Shouji says.
"Yeah but it also means you know just what Katsuki can do!" Kirishima calls,
and accompanies it with a wink.
Kaminari wolf whistles.
Bakugou flips them all off. "You're still suspended." He turns to Shouji and
Tokoyami. "Shouji's?"
"Aw, you do know my name", Shouji says, bringing a hand to his chest. "I'm
touched."
"Not yet but you will be", Bakugou growls, pulling them to the elevator.

<FORCES OF NATURE>
/murder: denki can you do me a favor and slap ei up the head
/jam-yay: nope sorry he slept in hanta's room
/murder: damn it
/freezerburn: Why are you both awake at this hour?
/jam-yay: my boyfriend just woke me up via text
/murder: your boyfriend does not need you anymore
/jam-yay: psh no way i give it a week before you come crawling back to us
/murder: yami
/pitch: present
/murder: please tell this idiot what a good lay i am
/pitch: a very good one
/murder: that's the best you can do?
/pitch: I do believe Im preaching to the choir
/jam-yay: shit u rite
/freezerburn: Huh.
/freezerburn: Anyway, why are you awake, Tokoyami?
/pitch: oh right I forget youre clueless
/pitch: I thought the fact that Bakugou was also awake was enough of a hint
/pitch: todoroki we fucked
/freezerburn: Until now?
/pitch: we watched a movie
/pitch: and why are you awake
/freezerburn: Insomnia.
/pitch: ah yes my mortal enemy
/murder: and here i thought light was your mortal enemy
/pitch: on the contrary
/pitch: Im actually more scared in total darkness
/murder: irony
/pitch: this coming from you
/pitch: youre the only elemental Ive ever met that also had to build up muscle
to handle his quirk
/freezerburn: Oh, that IS true. How come, Bakugou?
/murder: because im NOT a fuckin elemental what's with you guys
/murder: i secrete nitroglycerin
/murder: the explosions are an afterthought
/murder: i NEED the muscle mass to handle the recoil
/freezerburn: Izuku's mentioned something like that once or twice.
/murder: oh look fuckface's name now i can go to sleep
/pitch: Id offer to snuggle with you but Mezou is admittedly a better pillow
/murder: i cant even argue
/jam-yay: jealous :(

<THE [FLEXING ARM EMOJI] ONES>
/doorEyes: Kirishima, Bakugou wants me to tell you that you're "a piece of
shit". His words, not mine.
/RR: tell the fucker to come snuggle with me already
/doorEyes: I thought you were in Sero's room.
/RR: i am. tell him to come snuggle with us already
/doorEyes: I can't repeat what he just said.
/RR: repeat it we won't judge
/run: I WILL.
/doorEyes: He said I'm a better pillow than either of you.
/RR: is he breaking up with us through text through you???
/doorEyes: Ask him yourself tomorrow, it's too late for this.
/RR: wait! before you go
/RR: had you really not told tokoyami about the gangbang thing??
/doorEyes: Of course not! Who actually says that?
/RR: me?
/RR: hanta?
/RR: katsuki? he's right next to you? ask him?
/RR: also how was it
/doorEyes: What?
/RR: the sex. you just fucked my boyfriend, you may have noticed
/doorEyes: Oh.
/doorEyes: It was nice.
/run: PLEASE JUST GO TO SLEEP.
/doorEyes: Why are you awake, class prez?
/run: I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT!
/RR: i'm sure he's asking in confidence, not to tease
/run: ... SHOUTO COULDN'T SLEEP.
/RR: aw man that sucks
/RR: hope you can get some sleep now tho
/run: THANK YOU. YOU TOO.
Chapter End Notes
     i just passed my driver's exam!! i'm so happ my dudes you have no
     idea!!!
***** Kirishima Tries a New Kink *****
Chapter Summary
     hey somnophilia in this chapter. it's discussed properly beforehand
     and all, but it might still make some of you lovely ppl uncomfortable
     so here's a heads up. if you don't want to read it, you can skip over
     it after the first break and go back to reading from the point the
     chats start up.
Kirishima kicks his leggy up on the couch, which is exactly as high as he can
make it go. "New kink! Who wants to help me try it out?"
"What is it about?" Bakugou asks without looking up from his phone.
"Might cut down into your sleep a little."
"Then I'm out", Bakugou says. He looks up at Kirishima. "What? Don't give me
that look, I'm healing from that fall. I need sleep."
"Come on", Kirishima whines. "You fell two days ago!"
"Some of us", Bakugou says slowly, "can actually get hurt from blunt force. And
anyway you're still suspended, I'm not fucking you."
"Oh!" Ashido goes. "Prime time for me to win the bet then, right?"
Bakugou scowls. "No."
"Prime time for  me  to win the bet though", Kirishima laughs. "Enough of that!
Who's got time today or tomorrow to help me with this kink?"
"Have you considered", Satou says, "literally not starting this conversation
when you're not alone?"
"Hey, if you wanna help out, I'd consider it", Kirishima shrugs. "Although...
not with this kink in particular, maybe. I kinda want some trust with this one,
sorry."
Satou scrunches up his face. "Eugh."
"Sorry!" Kirishima repeats. "Now come on, no volunteers at all?"
"Me", Ashido goes. "Can I help?"
Kirishima ponders. "You could... actually I'd love to do it with you some time,
just... maybe not the first time. It's not that I don't trust you! I just...
some other time, okay?"
Ashido shrugs.
Kaminari raises a hand. "Me?"
Kirishima bites his lip and thinks about it. "Yeah. You know what? Yeah. When
can you?"
"Right now?"
"Yeah okay."


"So what's the kink we're trying today?"
"Somnophilia? You know what it is?"
"Nope. Explain."
Kirishima lies down on Kaminari's bed. "So I'm gonna take a nap."
"I thought you wanted a fuck."
"I'm gonna take a nap, and I want a fuck. In the nap. Uh."
Kaminari lies down next to Kirishima. "Wouldn't you wake up?"
Kirishima laughs. "Oh be gentle with me, fearsome Kaminari."
"Dude!" Kaminari shoves at him with a laugh. "Be serious!"
"No, I am", Kirishima says. "Go slow and gentle and try not to wake me up."
Kaminari bites his lip. "I mean... you'll probably wake up."
"Then wake me up sweetly."
Kaminari laughs so hard he chokes.
"You'll do it?" Kirishima asks, metaphorical tail wagging around.
Kaminari ponders. "I'll be honest with you, I'm a little nervous. I think I'll
feel like I'm going behind your back."
"But I asked you", Kirishima says. "I'm giving you consent right now."
"That's not how that works", Kaminari frowns.
Kirishima brings out the big guns AKA the puppy eyes. "Please?"
Kaminari whimpers. "Fine. But if I hear you so much as whining, I'm getting the
fuck out of here."
"Sweet", Kirishima says, and snuggles back into the bed with a yawn.
Kaminari cuddles up to him, and waits. Because uh, what else is there to do?
It's not like Kirishima will just tell him when he's falling asleep. He waits.
He gets drowsy himself, combating the sleepiness with impure thoughts of
Kirishima and his plentiful kinks.
It's not until Kirishima snores that Kaminari remembers what he's here for.
Slowly, he picks himself up off his boyfriend and gives him a kiss on the
forehead. Kirishima doesn't stir.
Sleeping like a rock.
Kaminari has to muffle a snort at the thought.
He scratches his head, considers his options. Blowjob, right? That's probably
something that's easy to do slow and gentle. Kaminari feels like it's the best
option here. He dives under the covers and finds a spot between Kirishima's
legs where he's not crushing them. He gently takes a hold of Kirishima's dick
and licks its side slowly.
He listens, but Kirishima keeps snoring.
Kaminari wraps his mouth around him, almost confused at how easy it is - but it
should be, Kirishima's still limp. Kaminari takes advantage of the extra space
in his mouth to move his tongue around, which is usually a difficult maneuver.
It works until Kirishima gets hard, but he doesn't sound like he's woken up.
Kaminari quietly ponders if enjoying this as much as he is is a bad thing. He
lifts the covers a little to look at Kirishima's sleeping face. Still sleeping.
Stopped snoring, though.
Kaminari puts a gentle hand to Kirishima's thigh and the other on his hip, and
bobs his head. Slowly and gently. As instructed.
Kirishima's breathing picks up and he twitches a little, but doesn't seem to be
making any conscious moves.
Kaminari takes a moment to breathe, then goes back to town.
Kirishima picks the covers up. Kaminari looks up and finds Kirishima's other
hand covering his own mouth, hiding half of his deeply flushed face, eyes wide
and staring at Kaminari. He drops the covers and shoves his hand under them to
catch Kaminari's hair, and with a quiet little huff, he comes.
Kaminari swallows.
Kirishima drags him up by the shoulders. "Condoms are your friends, Denki", he
drawls, voice thick with sleep and sex.
"You're my boyfriend", Kaminari says, wiping his mouth with the back of his
hand. "You rank higher."
"Condoms are my friends, too."
"It's not as bad as you make it out to be."
Kirishima slots their mouths together. "It is when you think your mouth is
gross after. It's not, come back here."


<THE [FLEXING ARM EMOJI] ONES>
/RR: here's a social experiment for y'all: spit or swallow? justification
optional
/RR: spit bc it's safer
/tail: elaborate
/RR: it's about blowjobs
/tail: oh
/tail: giving?
/RR: ye
/tail: spit
/doorEyes: Both. Depends on which mouth I'm using.
/a_hero: swallow
/run: SPIT. IT'S GROSS.
/a_hero: swallow
/run: IT'S GROSS IZUKU.
/a_hero: swallow
/run: IZUKU!
/sugar: spit
/RR: wait really?
/sugar: i hate the texture down my throat
/sugar: the taste is fine anythings fine after a full day of nothing but sweets
/sugar: but honestly the texture can fuck off and die
/RR: not to be a nosy ass or anything but who did you even blow??? you were
single last time i checked
/sugar: still am
/RR: go on
/sugar: no thats it ive said all that needs be said
/RR: shouji do you know?
/doorEyes: Why would I know?
/RR: walls have ears doors have eyes you know everything
/doorEyes: I know and I was going to tell you, but just for that I won't.
/sugar: oh thank fuck
/RR: come ooooonnnn
/RR: does anyone else know???
/RR: tell me :(
/run: I KNOW AND I WISH I DIDN'T.
/sugar: what no we were quiet
/run: YOU REALLY WEREN'T.
/RR: so ojiro kouda or denki right?
/sugar: hey man fuck you
/RR: denki would tell me
/RR: kouda is too good, too pure for this shit
/RR: ojiro hasn't typed anything in a while
/RR: hmmmm i wonder
/tail: what do you want from me
/RR: just admit that you two did the do and we're set here
/sugar: fine we did
/tail: yeah
/RR: lmao what about hagakure
/tail: she was there
/RR: ohohoho
/sugar: man leave us alone
/RR: no way y'all've been teasing me left and right over my sex life it's time
for Revenge
/run: Y'ALL'VE?
/a_hero: y'all've
/tail: yallve
/sugar: yallve
/doorEyes: Y'all've.
/RR: i'm disowning you all


<FORCES OF NATURE>
/jam-yay: spit or swallow
/jam-yay: swallow
/murder: you know already
/jam-yay: share with the chat katsuki, don't be an ass
/murder: swallow
/freezerburn: Swallow.
/pitch: no
/jam-yay: that's fair thank you for your time


<WHO RUN THE WORLD?>
/alienQueen: spit or swallow?
/alienQueen: spit
/gravitea: swallow
/jack: spit
/stealth: spit
/froggy: Chew.
/momore: Chew.
/alienQueen: on one hand, savage, on the other hand that question was clearly
not directed at our two lesbians
/momore: Good.
/froggy: I'm absolutely certain I can't even fit a dick in my mouth.
/froggy: Because of my tongue.
/gravitea: yeah no it's like it's by design
/gravitea: your tongue is clearly meant to go out
/froggy: Honey we're in a group chat.
/gravitea: ;)))
/stealth: but you've both slept with guys, right?
/froggy: For Ochako's benefit.
/gravitea: and i love you for it!
/momore: And I, for Kyouka's benefit.
/jack: <3 thanks babe
/momore: I guess you could count Todoroki, but he's hardly a romantic or sexual
interest of mine.
/alienQueen: yes please! tell us more about that
/momore: Oh,
/momore: Okay.
/momore: You see, Todoroki is a very good friend of mine. One of, if not the,
dearest friend of mine.
/momore: And he feels the same way about me.
/momore: Being intimate with him is nice. It feels easy and natural.
/momore: And, you see, intimacy can sometimes be sexual.
/momore: I mean, I guess he's my tax benefits friend.
/stealth: your what
/momore: The friend I'd marry for tax benefits.
/momore: I love him fine as a friend.
/momore: And it doesn't feel right to call him a friend with benefits. That
makes it sound like his friendship doesn't have benefits of its own.
/stealth: ohh i see
/momore: Yes.
/momore: I wouldn't give him head, though.
/alienQueen: why not
/momore: Fellacio is gross.
***** Ashido Tries a New Kink (that's not a kink) *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"Sero Hanta, taping hero Cellophane."
Sero blinks a few dozen times, his cheeks mushed between Ashido's hands. "Yes,
Mina?"
"Can I  trust you ."
"Of course?"
Ashido glares even more, if possible. "Are you absolutely certain."
Sero covers her hands with his own. "Mina you can trust me with your life. You
know for a fact that I'd rather swing to my death than let anything bad happen
to you. Now can you please elaborate, you're scaring me."
Ashido finally releases his face and holds his hands. "I want to try
something."
Sero raises an eyebrow.
"Yes."
Sero raises his other eyebrow.
"Yeah, okay? It's dirty, I'll tell you later when we're not surrounded by
classmates. It's just dangerous and I want to know that you'll keep a level
head if it goes wrong."
"You know I will but why not ask Ei? If it's dangerous?"
"No, it'll be dangerous for me", Ashido says, dropping one of Sero's hands to
tuck some stray hair behind her ear. "Um. It's fine if you don't want to try."
"You haven't even told me what you want to try yet."
Ashido looks around her, accidentally makes eye contact with Tsuyu's
unwavering, all-knowing gaze. "I'll tell you later."
Sero jostles her with his free hand and leans close enough that he takes up the
majority of her field of vision. "Tell me now."
Ashido blinks. She swallows, takes a deep breath and leans to the side to
whisper into Sero's ear.
For once in his life Sero reacts to the suggestion with a violent blush. "Are
you absolutely sure?" he whisper-screams.
Ashido nods into his shoulder.
Sero looks around him, praying Ashido isn't close enough to hear his heart
performing a cheerleading routine in the small space of his ribcage. He makes
eye contact with Tsuyu and engages in a staredown that he only wins because
he's too flustered to so much as think of blinking.
He starts petting Ashido's hair. He'd like to brush his fingers through it but
he's learned the hard way that that's a Bad Idea. "So how do we do that?"
"Just a couple of days before it's safe to try."
Sero groans and buries his face between her horns. "I can't believe I'm getting
this flustered over the mere idea."


Ashido and Sero are both looking down. She's sitting on his lap and they're
naked and lined up but they're both hesitant to even mash their bits together.
Ashido looks up, then back down between them. She takes a grounding breath.
"Okay. Okay, I'm gonna do it."
Sero audibly swallows. "Okay."
Ashido lifts up, and sinks down on him. She covers her mouth.
It's not like condoms even feel like anything. One of their many purposes is to
be unnoticeable, and they manage pretty well. So it really makes no sense that
it's so different without a condom.
"It doesn't even feel different", Ashido strains to say behind her hand. "It's
not even-- why is it so good?"
Sero isn't breathing. Ashido opens her eyes and he remembers to inhale.
"Shit. Shit, you're right, I don't--" He shakes his head. "Because you know.
Just knowing makes all the difference, sometimes, with some things." He
scrunches his eyes shut. "Fuck."
"I'll move, okay?"
Sero nods, not trusting his voice.
She moves.
He grabs around her hips after a few thrusts, and keeps her hoisted up to mouth
at her breast, barely staying in her.
"Hanta", she whines, wiggling to get lower. "Hanta, love, please--"
Sero licks under her boob, then back up. He lets her drop on him.
Ashido gives a sharp yelp, one hand covering her mouth and the other flying
between them, trying to get a hold of herself and failing with Sero in the way.
"Keep going", she sobs behind her hand.
Sero kisses below her eye. "You're crying."
"I promise this is good crying", Ashido chokes out. "This doesn't have any
business feeling this good."
Sero pulls at her hand until she drops it. He kisses her. "Baby are you still
sure about this?"
Ashido brings both hands to Sero's chest. "Yes. Let's keep going, please, it's
good." She cups his pecs and starts moving again.
Sero moans into her mouth and catches her hips again, lifting some of her
weight so she doesn't get tired. It's cute how he thinks either of them will
last long enough to get tired.
Ashido moves to bite at Sero's neck, and that's really all it takes for him to
come undone.
And oh, she's an idiot, this is what difference a condom would've made.
The hot feeling inside her has her muffling herself on her fist so she doesn't
scream out.
Neither of them move until they can breathe easily again. They look at each
other. Then they look down. Then back up, then down again. It's getting
ridiculous.
"I should probably..." Sero says slowly, without actually moving. He leaves the
sentence hanging.
"You should", Ashido mumbles some time later, also without moving.
The next time they both look up at the same time, Sero swallows and nods, and
when they look down again it's to watch him slip out of her with bated breaths.
They both look at their junk for a minute, somehow expecting it to ooze out or
something, like porn wasn't a filthy liar anyway. Nothing really happens. It's
such a plain development that they both manage to breathe again.
"Oh god", Ashido says. She props the pillow up and drags herself to rest her
back on it. "Oh god, that was so good. I feel like I had a heart attack."
"Shit, same", Sero pants. He shakes his head to clear it. "That really
shouldn't have been that different."
"Speak for yourself", Ashido laughs breathily. "That made all the difference
for me. Wouldn't repeat it for my life, though." She slips a finger in herself.
Not only does it make an oscar-worthy sound, it also comes back out excessively
wet. And  then  it starts spilling out of her.
"Oh my god", Sero says.
"Hey, no, this is good", Ashido says. "I mean, shame about the sheets but I'm
not keeping this in me, no offence."
"No, I just thought of something and I'm not sure if saying it is worth my
death."
Ashido narrows her eyes. "Don't you dare."
Sero leans close to her and decides death is worth it. "Creampie~"
Ashido drives her foot into his stomach and kicks him to the floor. She
descends upon him elbows-first.


<TEAM BAKUGOU (PLUS KAMINARI)>
/alienQueen: i need y'all to collectively break up w/ hanta
/RR: i'd never!
/alienQueen: he's being a little shit
/RR: oh understandable hanta we're breaking up w/ you
/sero(p)han: you dont even know what youre accusing me of
/alienQueen: and i'll be all too happy if they never learn!
/sero(p)han: mina
/alienQueen: no we're divorced you can't sweet talk your way out of this one
you made your bed now lie in it
/sero(p)han: i cant
/sero(p)han: youre in it and you keep kicking me off
/murder: just fucking tell us what happened so we can get this over with
/alienQueen: hanta's kinkshaming me
/jam-yay: are you sure we're talking about the same person?
/sero(p)han: see even denki knows i dont kinshame
/sero(p)han: and im not!
/sero(p)han: i just worded out what we were both thinking
/sero(p)han: its just a word
/alienQueen: i dont want to hear this from you daddy
/sero(p)han: baby mama are you sure?
/murder: what
/RR: WHAT
/jam-yay: WHAT
/alienQueen: I WILL KILL
/murder: not that i don't support that intention but when did that pop up?
/sero(p)han: like two weeks ago
/alienQueen: THIS,,,,, IS NOT THE BEST TIME FOR THAT NICKNAME,,,,,,,,,
/sero(p)han: oh
/sero(p)han: shit sorry
/murder: please just fucking tell us what happened
/sero(p)han: trying out a new kink
/sero(p)han: never to be attempted again
/murder: Elaborate.
/sero(p)han: oh sHIT NO PLEASE
/sero(p)han: I REALLY CANT TELL THIS IS UP TO MINA I CANT SAY
/murder: Mina. Elaborate.
/alienQueen: katsuki the capitals and the periods are creeping me out,,,,
/murder: Good.
/alienQueen: FINE we just didnt use a condom okay? its not that big a deal!!!
/murder: Do you ever even read what you write, Acid? How is this not a big
deal?
/alienQueen: please we counted my days and everything i just wanted to try it
out once
/alienQueen: we know the risks katsuki please
/alienQueen: hanta help me
/sero(p)han: katsuki
/murder: What.
/sero(p)han: we know what we did, okay?
/sero(p)han: i know what i did
/alienQueen: boi i will slap you harder dont you fucking DARE to put all the
blame on you. it was my idea and my kink to try out so miss me with that shit
/murder: Stop.
/murder: I'm not angry at you.
/murder: im not angry at you
/murder: i'm not angry at you
/alienQueen: you're not?
/murder: im. not. angry. at. you.
/sero(p)han: denki? ei?
/RR: no! i'm a little worried but not mad at all!
/jam-yay: if i'm mad it's only because i was left out
/sero(p)han: shit
/sero(p)han: sorry just give me a moment
/alienQueen: he's crying
/murder: are you both okay?
/alienQueen: yeah
/murder: how was it?
/RR: shit yeah how was it
/alienQueen: more exciting that it has any business being
/alienQueen: is it bad that i dont want to shower?
/murder: very
/murder: shower and clean yourself out
/alienQueen: yeah. and actually, better get to it, right?
/murder: yeah
/jam-yay: mina just go
/alienQueen: .okay.
/alienQueen: im sorry i didnt tell you
/RR: it's fine
/RR: it's fine as long as you're fine
/alienQueen: before i go
/alienQueen: i'm vetoing the word "creampie". don't ask
/RR: go shower
/alienQueen: see ya guys later
Chapter End Notes
     don't be like these idiots! always practice safe sex!! infertile days
     are not a reliable protection!!!
***** He Said He Would *****
Chapter Summary
     he's not gonna go back on his word!
<UNNAMED CHAT>
/murder: im not doing this over text where are you
/chrome: who is this
/murder: just fucking tell me where you are
/chrome: oh yeah cause THAT TEXT coupled with your username is just so
CONVINCING
/murder: it's bakugou
/chrome: you could've fucking lead with that
/chrome: i'm at my dorm
/murder: i'm coming over there's shit i wanna talk about
/chrome: WOAH NOT SO FAST MOMOMA WILL FIGHT YOU AT THE DOOR
/chrome: GIMME LIKE THree minutes to throw on some pants and i'll meet you
there ok
/murder: i can take him
/murder: why are you not wearing pants and why does it take you three minutes
to put some on
/chrome: NO MORE QUESTIONS SEE YOU IN A BIT

Bakugou is overwhelmed with the feeling of misplacement. Like stepping foot in
the other class' dorm is somehow forbidden or wrong. It looks so much like his
own. It's creepy how everyone stares at him, though.
Kendou stands up to offer a helping hand (ha). "Uh... Bakugou, right? What are
you doing here?"
"Did I hear that right?" Monoma screeches from the other end of the room,
catapulting himself to the door so he's at prime distance to Start Some Shit™.
"Bakugou Katsuki's at our dorms? That must be some kind of mix up! Are you
drunk?"
Bakugou snarls. "Areyou drunk? What is wrong with you? No, don't fucking bother
answering that, it's written all over your ugly mug."
"Huh? What was that? I think something just died in your throat! Don't tell me
you can't even speak properly."
"Let's not--" Kendou tries.
"No, fucking let's", Bakugou growls, grabbing Monoma's shirt. "Does all the
shit you spill out of your mouth clog up your ears as well? Or are you just
that fucking deaf?"
Monoma grabs Bakugou's wrist. "I could say the same to you! Your ego is so big
I severely doubt you can ever look past it!" His hands crackle with Bakugou's
quirk.
Bakugou shoves him off and pops a few sparks as well. "You wanna fucking go,
you piece of shit?"
"Let's take this outside!" Monoma screams.
Bakugou flings him past the doors and flies after him.
Monoma actually manages to avoid getting brained for the moment, and rolls to
his feet to charge.
They scream and burn and meet with a clunk that rings metallic.
"Both of you are asshats", Tetsutetsu says, steel arms pushing the blonds
apart. "Back off! Noma, get your shit together, I called him here! And you," he
whips his head around to glare at Bakugou. "What the actual fuck is your
problem. I thought I warned you against this!"
"No, you fucking told me it would happen. I never said I'd avoid it."
Tetsutetsu's groan is accompanied by Kendou's from the door.
"I'm not in the mood for this bullshit", Tetsutetsu growls. "Come on." He grabs
Bakugou's sleeve and pulls him back indoors and to the dorm's kitchen.
Monoma tries to follow them, but passing Kendou at the door puts him in a
headlock.
"So what do you want to talk about", Tetsutetsu says while getting out some
ingredients.
"Ei-- I mean Kirishima. You know Kirishima."
Tetsutetsu stops cutting spinach leaves to turn and stare. "Yes, I think I know
Kirishima."
Bakugou huffs and rubs his forehead. "This is way more awkward than it needs to
be."
Tetsutetsu resumes his work and belatedly Bakugou realizes that it's making
enough noise that the rest of the class won't hear them. Smart.
Even later he realizes Tetsutetsu's making a drink. With fucking spinach, of
all things.
"I was going to have a regular conversation but what the fuck are you putting
in that poor blender."
"Spinach and lemon."
"Fucking excuse the absolute shit out of me?"
"Spinach. Lemon." He starts the blender up.
Bakugou watches in horror as the abomination turns into an abomination
smoothie. "Why would you do that to yourself."
"Fuck off man, some of us have functioning taste buds."
"Yeah and it's clearly not you!" Bakugou hisses. "That shit is going to murder
you."
Tetsutetsu pours his smoothie into a cup and drinks it all in one go undiluted.
"Oh my god!" Bakugou screeches. "What is the matter with you? How are you even
allowed to exist in a society?"
"What's the matter with me? What's the matter with you! You can't even hold a
conversation! I forgot what you were even trying to say before!"
"Oh great, I'm here in a rare moment of sincerity and you're barely even
acknowledging my fucking existence!"
Tetsutetsu throws the blender cap. "You wanna fucking talk about
acknowledgement? You hardly know any class other than your own exists. You
don't even know your own classmates' names! Shit, you went out of your fucking
way to come scream at me and I bet you don't even know my name!"
"Un-fucking-fortunately I do", Bakugou yells. "And it's as big of a turd as the
shit you just put in your mouth. And to think Ei ever even bothers with you!"
"Shithell!" Tetsutetsu screams. "That's what this is about? Kiri? And, what,
you're jealous? Protective? Fucking great, asshole, I'm sure going behind his
back will have him swooning!"
Bakugou slams an explosion to the side of Tetsutetsu's head. "If you think
that, you're more of a moron than I ever thought you could be, so shit,
congratulations! You really exceeded expectations there!"
Tetsutetsu clears the metal from his skin before he grabs a fistful of
Bakugou's shirt. "Listen here you piece--"
"No, you listen", Bakugou snarls. "This is anything but behind Ei's back. I was
gonna ask a favor on his behalf but if you're this much of an ass then I guess
you're not worth the trouble."
He grabs Tetsutetsu's arm, feels it go cold and smooth beneath his hand.
Tetsutetsu snarls back. "Fucking swell. You're not even worth bothering over.
If you weren't fucking important to Kiri I would whoop your ass to next
Monday."
"You could never even touch my ass! Shit, what are you even doing right now,
hoisting me up or holding me tender? I can't even tell!"
"Are you that much of a moron?!"
"Are you that much of a wuss that you can't even do a fucking threat?" Bakugou
spreads his arms to the sides. "Fuck, do your worst, asshole, I'm all ears!"
Tetsutetsu growls and smashes their mouths together. Oh.
His teeth are sharp like Kirishima's, but he bites much harder. Oh, shit.
Bakugou finds out Tetsutetsu's hair glides smooth and makes a little static
between his fingers, kinda like wires do. Oh, fucking shitdamn.
At least six of Tetsutetsu's classmates are howling in the background, and
Bakugou could not give any less of a shit because when he manages to unstick
his face from Tetsutetsu's for a moment, his blood is in both of their mouths
and it drips to the floor.
Tetsutetsu blinks. Huh, so those are his eyelashes. "Fuck."
Bakugou wipes the blood off his face with the back of his hand. "Room?"
Tetsutetsu drags him to the elevators and slams the button. Monoma is screaming
behind them.
On the way up, Bakugou crowds Tetsutetsu into a corner and earns himself a hell
of a lot more bite marks. The teeth really are just like Kirishima's but
there's two big differences: one, Tetsutetsu bites with the intent to draw
blood where Kirishima bites to tease; two, Tetsutetsu is taller than Bakugou.
Maybe by an inch. But taller nonetheless.
"Wait, fuck", Tetsutetsu says when the elevator doors open. "What did Kiri
want?"
"This", Bakugou growls. "I was gonna ask if you wanted to cyber him with me."
Tetsutetsu laughs. "Shit, okay."

<RIDE ME>
/murder: ei
/RR: moon
/murder: fucking hold up what
/RR: because tsuki means moon! it was a pun, love
/murder: i cannot believe
/murder: and to think i went through the trouble to set this whole thing up
/RR: huh?
/murder sent [shinyfucker.jpg]
/RR: wait is this
/murder: mhm
/RR: oh my god i thought you wouldn't
/murder: i said i would
/RR: shit
/murder: you good rn?
/RR: fuck yea let me just get to my bed fuck
/RR: k i'm good
/murder initiated a video call

A walk of shame through your own dorm the next morning isn't much of a bother.
It's actually chill enough that, at least in this class, it's more often a
stride of pride. After all, few of these classmates haven't had to do one
themselves and they love and support each other very much.
On the other hand, trying to do one through someone else's dorm mere hours
after you first got in is a bitch. Especially when Monoma "Shit Grin" Neito
laughs at you and you have no choice but to give him the finger for the
entirety of your short walk from the elevator, through the common room and out
the front door.
It was a good fuck, though. Bakugou would go through another walk of shame if
it meant getting a repeat performance out of Tetsutetsu.
Besides, Bakugou now only really has one competitor for the bet. It was more
than worth it.
***** Don't even breathe in my direction. *****
Ashido kicks the class door open. "Guess who isn't pregnant!"
Someone shrieks down the hall. "I did notjust hear that with my own two ears!"
Ashido barely shrugs as she steps in. "Not sorry, whoops. Anyway, where are my
boys?"
They're all there, displaying varying degrees of relief at the news. Sero just
about feints face-first on his desk.
 
 
There's something on Hagakure's neck.
Or... behind it, maybe. Ashido isn't entirely sure where Hagakure's neck stops,
exactly.
At first she didn't notice, but by the time first period comes to an end,
Ashido's sure there's something behind Hagakure's neck. Unfortunately their
seats are on opposite ends of the class so she has to wait for the bell to ring
before she addresses the issue.
"Tooru, hun", she says as she walks over to Hagakure's desk. "What is that?"
"Huh? What-- oh! It's a hair tie. I'm growing my hair out!"
"Really? Isn't it just... inconvenient?"
"Yeah, but I thought I could use it for my costume, like Togata-senpai did! I
thought maybe that way I wouldn't be freezing every time I have to do hero
work."
Ashido feels around behind the hair tie, teases the ponytail between her
fingers. "That's a good idea, actually. Oh, wait, didn't you say your hair gets
a little opaque when you cut it off?"
"Only if you clump a lot of it together! If it's only a thin layer, like
clothes are, it should be fine."
"But if it's thin it won't be very warm..."
"Oh, it's better than nothing. At the very least, I'd be able to sit down."
 
 
<DON'T TALK TO ME>
/murder: teach where's recovery girl?
/microphone: ISN'T SHE AT THE INFIRMARY?
/murder: i dont know i cant move
/microphone: WHAT HAPPENED?
/murder: what do you think happened? i blew my ears out
/jack: wait again?
/jack: get your act together baku
/murder: hey buzz off
/pet: Iida just came back from the infirmary! He says Recovery Girl isn't
there.
/pet: Present Mic-sensei, do you have her contact info? And if so, could you
call her to the gym?
/microphone: DON'T PUT MY HERO NAME WITH A -SENSEI! IT MAKES IT WEIRD.
/microphone: SHE'S NOT ANSWERING HER REGULAR PHONE. I'LL HAVE THE PRINCIPAL
CALL HER EMERGENCY PHONE, OKAY?
/murder: wait shit no don't bother
/murder: i mean,,,, uh,,,, crap?
/microphone: YOU CAN'T BACKTRACK A WRITTEN CONVERSATION, BAKUGOU.
/murder: okay what the frick ever sorry for cursing i guess
/murder: but dont bother her or the principal with the emergency phone
/murder: its not that bad
/jack: bakugou full offence but if you're troubling to ask for recovery girl in
the first place, it's that bad
/murder: no it's not
/murder: i just wanted to fix the tinnitus quickly so i could hear the rest of
our classes today but i can make do without that
/microphone: ARE YOU SURE?
/murder: yes sir
/pet: Bakugou, I'd be more than happy to interpret for you, if you find
yourself having any gaps during class today.
/murder: thanks but no thanks
/microphone: THAT'S NOT VERY NICE!! YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT HELP SOMETIMES, YOU
KNOW!!
/murder: i really dont
/jack: don't worry sir we'll make sure he follows class properly
/microphone: WHAT GREAT FRIENDS! VERY WELL THEN, I'LL LEAVE THIS TO YOU!!!
/murder: you only think they're nice bc you're not the one who has to tolerate
their existence in your face for the rest of the day
/microphone: ENOUGH OF THAT, IT'S SETTLED! NOW GO BACK TO YOUR CLASSES, AND
TAKE CARE OF YOUR EARS PROPERLY!!
 
 
Bakugou is going to explode.
No, actually, that's not a bad thing for him. What's going to happen is that
Bakugou is going to implode.
Kouda and Jirou are absolute pieces of shit. They keep signing at him to ask if
he has any questions, and it wouldn't be that bad if they just dealt with him
ignoring them. But no, they actually bother to catch and keep his attention,
and it's driving Bakugou up the wall. Jirou is by far the worse of the two. For
one, her desk is right next to Bakugou's, so all she really has to do to get in
his field of vision is stretch her arm. For another she's not scared of him,
and isn't really bothered by his glares and snarls.
By the time the school day is finally, blissfully over, Bakugou is shaking with
nerves.
You seem a little tense, Jirou signs, shit eating grin on her face telling him
she knows exactly what's bothering him.
Don't fucking speak to me, he signs. Don't even breathe in my direction.
He rushes to the dorm building and up to his room to strip his uniform and with
it, the unease of needing help with something as basic as a class. His
annoyance stays, though. He harbours it like finely aged wine until it's
boiling into an easy anger. He throws on some sweats and one of Kirishima's
hoodies - forgotten in Bakugou's room and left for dead - before he climbs down
the stairs for some coffee.
He doesn't have the patience for an elevator right now.
Unfortunately people try to speak to him in the kitchen, some with words, some
with gestures, and it serves doubly as a source of irritation for the ringing
in his ears. He pulls his (Kirishima's) hood up.
Kirishima puts a hand on Bakugou's shoulder. Bakugou turns and snarls silently,
the pain in his eardrums not worth the intimidation points of making a sound.
What's the matter? Kirishima signs.
I'm just fucking pissed, Bakugou signs back so wildly he nearly slaps Kirishima
in the chest.
Do you want to do something about it?
Of fucking course I do! Shit, you think I'm having fun over here? But the
shitty training room is too loud and I can't fucking back down now.
Back down?
Bakugou checks who's watching, decides Todoroki and Ashido can either look away
or deal with it, and signs. I'd love nothing more than to fuck you into the
mattress right now. But you're all still fucking suspended and unless you
collectively decide to suck it the fuck up and stop being a bunch of assholes,
you'll remain suspended.
Wait . Kirishima frowns. Is this about the threesome thing with Midoriya?
Forget the shitty threesome, Bakugou drives his elbow into the fridge as he
signs, too fueled by anger to care at this point. I'm proving a point here.
No, you're really not, Kirishima tries. Are you trying to prove you don't need
us? Because we said you wouldn't last two weeks? That's stupid, Katsuki, and
counter-productive. You're clearly not doing very well.
"Fucking shit!" Bakugou screams out loud, immediately regrets it when it rings
back into his skull and between his ears, seemingly amplified. I'm doing just
fine without any of you.
You're not, love.
What the shit do you know!
Kirishima folds his hands into fists. He gestures at the room.
Bakugou turns and snarls at the onlookers. Some of them look elsewhere. Kouda
and Jirou have been keeping their eyes away the whole conversation. Ashido and
Todoroki fumble awkwardly.
Uraraka snarls back.
Kirishima says something, but Bakugou doesn't turn in time to read his lips. He
does manage to catch Uraraka's response, which is,
"Do I look like I give a shit? He's being a menace!"
Bakugou flips her off. She yells something at him through gritted teeth, and he
can't read that. His ears ring. He marches to her and she immediately puts her
fists up, and long story short they end up bruised on the floor before
Kirishima manages to separate them.
They both yell at Kirishima with voice and hands and he backs off with his
hands up, half his face going rigid as his eyes widen.
Bakugou looks at his hand, where Uraraka bit him. It's already getting a little
green where her teeth tried to tear a piece of his flesh off.
Uraraka slaps his hand down. She writes 'GYM' in the air with her finger.
Bakugou nods with a scowl.
 
 
Midoriya is pacing.
"Ochako can handle herself", Todoroki says, Japanese Literature textbook open
in his lap. "If nothing else, she knows that screaming really loud will
disorient Bakugou long enough for her to run, in his condition."
"I'm not worried about Ochako", Midoriya says.
"Aw, are you worried about Katuski?" Ashido teases, struggling to lighten the
mood. "He'll survive."
"I'm not worried about Kacchan either", Midoriya says. He has a notebook in his
hand and he slaps it in his open palm for a distraction. "I mean, probably not.
I know they're not going to kill each other, but. I don't know. I feel like
there should at least be some adult supervision, some rules, something. It's
the same kind of worry I got about myself during the Sports Festival. I knew I
wouldn't die, but fuck. Shit happened."
"That's oddly specific", Tsuyu croaks from her desk. She turns around to follow
Midoriya's pacing with her eyes. "Izuku, you're worrying yourself too much. You
still have homework to do, ribbit."
Midoriya slaps the notebook in his hand a few more times before he decides to
open it. "This isn't mine", he says, flipping through a few pages.
"It's mine", Todoroki says. "You grabbed it as soon as we walked in and have
been slamming it without mercy."
Midoriya gingerly gives it back. "Sorry."
Ashido's phone vibrates on the floor. She picks it up. "Oh", she goes.
"What? What is it?" Midoriya says, a little desperate.
Ashido hurriedly hides her screen into her chest. "Uh, it's Katsuki. He says,
um." She peeks at her phone and hides it again. "He didn't actually say
anything. It's a picture."
Midoriya is in near tears. "Oh my god, they killed each other."
"Only a little", Ashido says. "Wait fuck that's not how that one goes. Where's
Aoyama when you need him?"
"Huh?"
"I believe", Tsuyu says slowly, "the phrase is 'little death'."
Midoriya looks between them in panic. "Huh? What's that? Are they injured?
They're injured, aren't they?"
"It's french slang", Todoroki says. "They fucked, Izuku."
Midoriya collapses in a puddle of sweat. "Oh no. Oh nooo... no."
Todoroki pats Midoriya's head. "Look at the bright side. Think of the
threesomes."
"That's what I'm thinking about", Midoriya whimpers. "I can't believe the worst
case scenario just happened."
"This is your worst?" Ashido howls. "Honey it's the best!"
Midoriya sobs. "You're not as weak as I am."
***** Return of the Chats III: Making Progress *****
Chapter Summary
     baby baby baby
<DREAM_MEME_DUO>
/sero(p)han: im gonna try to get a nude out of ei
/jam-yay: why the SHIT would you try that now, AFTER baku bribed him not to?
/sero(p)han: i like the challenge
/jam-yay: well i do fucking not so i think i'll try again with mina
/jam-yay: she seems pretty decent lately maybe she won't play me for a fool
this time around
/sero(p)han: bet on it?
/jam-yay: sure what the fuck yeah
/jam-yay: i have
/jam-yay: 231 yen on me rn
/sero(p)han: fair enough
/sero(p)han: lets say i bet 300 then
/jam-yay: cool
/jam-yay: it's on, then
/sero(p)han: its on

<IMMOVABLE OBJECT>
/sero(p)han: do you know where my black jeans with the one slit on the thigh
went
/RR sent [imwearingthem.jpg]
/sero(p)han: okay what the fuck
/sero(p)han: how did you fit in those
/RR: they're pretty loose on you
/RR: our asses aren't that different
/sero(p)han: yeah but you have the thighs of a god
/RR: so do you tho
/sero(p)han: no ei i get points bc my leggy is long and slender
/sero(p)han: your thighs are thicker than both of mine together
/sero(p)han: your thighs are thicker than my entire torso
/sero(p)han: your thighs are worth writing poetry about
/sero(p)han: how the FUCK did you fit those heavenly things into my shitty torn
jeans
/RR: i
/RR: sorry i got distracted
/sero(p)han: oh whoops
/sero(p)han: i kinda went off there huh
/RR: ok now i know you're doing it on purpose
/sero(p)han: doing what on purpose
/RR: hanta i made a solid deal with katsuki i'm not gonna back off bc you waxed
poetic over my thighs
/sero(p)han: oh no id never want you to go back on your word
/RR: just today you tried to get me to convince half the class that i was the
one who gave katsuki those bite marks
/sero(p)han: aw baby boy i was joking
/RR: t
/sero(p)han: whats the matter baby boy
/RR: dont do me like this
/sero(p)han: youre gonna have to be a little more specific
/RR: hanta please
/sero(p)han: please what?
/RR: p
/RR: please just
/RR: fuck
/RR: shit im only just seeing it written what the fuck's gonna happen if i hear
you say it?
/sero(p)han: thats an interesting question that id love to find the answer to
/RR: shit
/RR: okay fuck okay
/sero(p)han: yeah?
/RR: yeah just know that i'll blame you when katsuki comes for my head
/sero(p)han: i think ill live baby boy
/RR: SHIT
/sero(p)han: its actually pretty fun from my end too
/sero(p)han: baby boy i wouldnt mind getting into this
/sero(p)han: one for one?
/RR: fuck sure okay
/RR sent [imtooweak.jpg]
/sero(p)han sent [iknowandiloveit.jpg]
/RR: shit
/RR: is that my jacket
/sero(p)han: mhm
/RR: oh my god
/RR: fuck
/RR: shit i didn't even do anything for you
/sero(p)han: dont sell yourself short baby boy
/sero(p)han: your reactions and that pic are more than enough
/RR: fuck
/RR: i cannot believe
/RR: and after katsuki did that too!
/RR: shit i'll have to throw the other two under the bus or i'll get skinned
alive
/sero(p)han: or
/sero(p)han: you could have some faith in mina
/RR: hanta no offence but i really doubt she can sneak sex toys on campus past
all the teachers' careful watch
/RR: if nothing else then miss midnight will know
/sero(p)han: why midnight
/RR: idk man i assume she has developed a sixth sense for stuff like that
/sero(p)han: if that were the case i dont think shed be able to look any of us
in the eye
/sero(p)han: were the kinkiest bunch around
/RR: come to think of it i can't remember the last time she did look me in the
eye
/sero(p)han: youre right mina will never get past her

<ACID BOLT>
/jam-yay: ok let's try again
/alienQueen: oh are you gonna go for the bet again?
/jam-yay: yes i have faith
/alienQueen: methinks you have money riding on this
/jam-yay: maybe
/jam-yay: but to hell with the money
/jam-yay: i just want you
/alienQueen: see this is why we were dragging your sext skills
/jam-yay: i for one would've liked that line
/alienQueen: yes honey but i'm not you. you have to take that into account!
/alienQueen: for example, denki, i know you do better with pictures than you do
with words, so sending some pics early on is a good way to get you going
/alienQueen sent [selfie1.jpg]
/jam-yay: are you wearing lipstick?
/alienQueen: its colored lip balm
/alienQueen: smells fruity
/jam-yay: huh
/jam-yay: that'd actually be nice
/alienQueen: then maybe i'll wear it tomorrow too ;)
/jam-yay: okay shit i see what you mean
/alienQueen: right? like that wasn't suggestive at all!
/jam-yay: but you made it sound like it
/alienQueen: mm
/alienQueen: now you try!
/jam-yay: no i see this is a trick suggestion
/jam-yay: if i try when you're expecting it, it won't work as well
/alienQuee: smart!
/jam-yay: thank you i am
/jam-yay: especially tonight i've been charging up all day bc of that exercise
we have tomorrow
/alienQueen: shit i forgot about that
/jam-yay: yeah i just pray i'm not paired with tokoyami cause i AM planning on
going fucking hard so it'll be either me or him
/alienQueen: how considerate of you
/jam-yay: oh please i'm charged enough to discharge 1mil v twice
/jam-yay: i am NOT going to dim myself just so a shadow can thrive
/alienQueen: shit that's so poetic
/jam-yay: it's the truth
/alienQueen: how did you get so charged so fast? i thought you couldn't plug
yourself into a socket
/jam-yay: oh hell no
/jam-yay: i'd short-circuit the entire building
/alienQueen: hot
/jam-yay: i charged on static
/alienQueen: ??
/jam-yay: rubbing things together. mostly my socks on the carpet
/alienQueen: WE could rub some things together ;)
/jam-yay: we could
/jam-yay: or we could NOT risk discharging all 2 million volts directly onto
you
/alienQueen: it's okay honey i trust you
/jam-yay: y
/jam-yay: you sure?
/alienQueen sent [imsure.jpg]
/jam-yay: oh
/jam-yay: fuck
/alienQueen: you didnt even notice did you
/jam-yay: of course not it's not like i count my underwear whenever i have
someone over
/jam-yay: "welp mina came over. better go through my entire closet to make sure
she didn't steal any of my underthings"
/alienQueen: mm
/alienQueen: i'll return it right now if you'd like
/jam-yay: just take it off
/alienQueen: see you can sext okay sometimes
/alienQueen sent [tastefulnude.jpg]
/jam-yay: huh that IS pretty tasteful
/alienQueen: uh huh
/jam-yay: oh right hold on
/jam-yay sent [nakey.jpg]
/alienQueen: nakey
/jam-yay: leave me alone
/alienQueen: i take it back your sexting is passable at best
/jam-yay: IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE ANY MORE THAN THAT
/alienQueen: it'd be nice tho
/jam-yay: don't rub it in
/alienQueen: i think i'll rub it in. after all, we wanna make some static,
right? ;)))
/jam-yay: MINA

<TEAM BAKUGOU (PLUS KAMINARI)>
/alienQueen: ka2/4 confirmed
/murder: oh he's evolving
/alienQueen: a little
/jam-yay: FUCK BOTH OF YOU
/alienQueen: maybe later
/sero(p)han: s2/4
/murder: wait who did
/RR: uh
/murder: no
/RR: sorry ki2/4
/murder: Eijirou...
/RR: i'm already hiding you'll never find me
/murder: you're in deku's room, aren't you
/RR: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,no
/murder: i'm coming over there and im killing you both
/RR: there's more people here
/murder: unless you somehow managed to drag all might, my mother, and jesus
christ himself in that room, i'm going to kill every single one of your
accomplices
/RR: fuck! all might, i should've hid with all might, you wouldn't start shit
in front of him
/murder: so you think
/RR: katsuki please it's not my fault
/RR: hanta was waxing poetic about my thighs
/RR: poetic! about my thighs!
/murder: and i was nearly turned into mincemeat for you but you don't seem to
be considering that
/RR: oh please you enjoyed every millimeter of split skin tetsu gave you
/murder: we're not talking about me right now
/murder: we're talking about your stone cold ass betrayal
/RR: hanta's to blame
/sero(p)han: YOURE NOT EVEN BEING SUBTLE
/murder: after im done with eijirou and his sanctuary you're next hanta
/sero(p)han: thanks for the warning i know a place i can hide that you actually
WONT intrude on
/murder: is it the girls' baths because i WILL hunt you there too. no remorse.
/sero(p)han: no that was my first thought too
/alienQueen: we'd kick you out tbh
/sero(p)han: so i guessed
/sero(p)han: but i'm safe where i am now and katsuki won't step foot here for
murder
/murder: you say that but my username indicates otherwise
/RR: HE'S IN KOUDA'S ROOM
/murder: shit i guess he's in the clear
/sero(p)han: and the skies opened up and heavenly light rained down upon me
/sero(p)han: im free
/murder: eijirou write your last will i'm on my way
/RR: FUCK
/RR: KATSUKI PLEASE HAVE MERCY GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE
/RR: I SWEAR I'M NOT GONNA GIVE OUT ANY MORE NUDES
/alienQueen: fucking rude
/jam-yay: you're all against me somehow, i just know it :(
/murder: ei full offence but hanta was my biggest competition here
/murder: it's not like the rest of you have a way with words like hanta does
/RR: oh phew babe you called me ei again you're not mad, right
/murder: i'm furious
/RR: haha yeah okay. i'm sure me and midoriya and todoroki and uraraka can take
you
/murder: i changed my mind i'm gonna go crash my skull into a wall
/alienQueen: (quietly, but with feeling) whipped
/jam-yay: (quietly, but with feeling) baku you're fucking smitten
/murder: laugh while you still can you shits you're the only ones here that're
guaranteed to fail
/alienQueen: hey i said i'd do him a 12
/murder: yeah call me when pigs start flying
***** Merciless *****
Chapter Summary
     did you really think sero's silver tongue was only good for dirty
     talking?
Kirishima slams his hands down on the table. "Okay Hanta you know what?"
Sero looks to Bakugou for support or at least an explanation, but Bakugou
aggressively ignores him.
"What?"
"We are fucking done with the daddy kink."
"We were neverinthe daddy kink", Sero says. "What the hell, Ei! Do I need to
fucking vomit to show my disgust?"
"Ew", Kirishima goes. "No, forget it. What I wanted to say is I don't need you
anymore."
Sero groans. "Okay, who did you fuck?"
Bakugou slowly turns to look.
Kirishima puts his hands on his hips. "A literal sugar daddy."
Satou drops something in the kitchen and curses loudly. "Kirishima what the
fuck!"
Kirishima laughs. "Hey man I'm just being honest here."
"I did not hear you say that", Satou calls as he picks up whatever he dropped.
"I'm fucking hallucinating."
"Sugar daddy", Kirishima calls again, just to be an ass.
"Fuck!" Satou nearly drops it again. "Fuck you, Kirishima! Fuck off!"
Sero and Bakugou make eye contact. Sero winks. "Yeah, Ei, don't go teasing poor
Satou so mercilessly."
Kirishima yelps and slams down into his chair, dropping his face to the table
and hugging his arms around his head.
"That was merciless even to my eyes", Bakugou says.
Kirishima whimpers. "I thought you were proving a point."
"Yeah no, that idea took a swan dive when you dared to utter the words 'sugar
daddy' in a shared space like some kind of heathen."
Kirishima hides deeper into his own arms. "That's not fair."
"Oh, it's not fair?" Sero says, scooting his chair over so he's right next to
Kirishima. "Would you say it's... merciless?"
Kirishima whines. "I'm sorry, okay?"
Bakugou crowds into Kirishima's other side. "What are you sorry for?"
"For saying I don't need Hanta. And uh, Satou, I'm sorry I called you that."
Bakugou drives his elbow into Kirishima's side.
"Ow. I'm sorry I called you that in the common room."
"No, it's uh... it's actually pretty funny if you think about it. Just-- what
the fuck is happening here?" Satou gestures with his spatula between the three
boys.
Sero intertwines his fingers on top of the table. "What does it look like?"
Satou regrets so many things. "I'm gonna pretend I saw nothing."
Bakugou rests his elbow at the back of Kirishima's chair and messes with his
hair. "If it makes you feel any better, Ei, at least you didn't go on a week-
long strike after saying you don't need Hanta. Don't do what I did, you'll die.
It's been hard without you - pun not intended, Hanta, don't you give me that
grin."
"I'm not."
"You are. Take a look at your plain-ass mug."
"You love this plain-ass mug."
"I'd love it more if it weren't shit grinning at me."
"I couldn't love you more because I already love you with all my heart."
Bakugou stammers. "Listen here you fucker."
Sero laughs. He pokes Kirishima's shoulder to get him to lift his head up and
make eye contact. "And I love you very much as well, Eijirou, so much it hurts
sometimes."
Kirishima whines and tries to hide his face again, but Sero cups his cheeks and
holds him in place.
"I love the way you style your hair and I love it when it's freshly-dyed, when
it's so vibrant that every little light reflects bright and loud on it. I love
it when you've just styled it and the gel is still wet and it glitters in all
shades of red."
"Shit fuck!" Bakugou growls. He takes Kirishima's face out of Sero's hands and
turns it to himself. "You don't even have to fucking bother to look that good,
Ei. Your hair is gorgeous when it's down or when you put it in those headbands
or those cute little ponytails that can't really get all your hair out of the
way, and I know you don't like that you have to choose between getting your
hair out of your face while your nape sweats to death, or getting your hair off
of your neck while your bangs stay in your eyes, but fuck, those both look so
good, Ei, so fucking good on you. And don't even fucking get me started on your
roots."
"Absolutely do get started on his roots", Sero says.
"They're easily the single cutest shit any unmaintained look has ever produced.
Like, shit, that little thing they do when it looks like the black's just a
shade? And later when they grow out enough, and it's obvious that those are two
different colors on your head, but you somehow make it fucking work. And when I
catch you between bleaching and dying, and it's blond! That's sweet as all
hell!"
Kirishima is ugly crying. He puts a hand on Bakugou's knee. "I love you."
"I love you too."
"No, Katsuki, I love you-- shit, fuck, I can't words -- I love you, you
beautiful soft motherfucker, you. Strong, manly, loving. A fucking disaster.
Fuck, like the sun. You're the sun." He pauses to sob his gay little heart out
before he manages to turn to Sero. "And you. Fucking-- too good, too kind, I
love you so much. So gentle. So patient. So manly. Fuck!"
"Aw, babe", Sero coos. "Don't cry."
Kirishima shakes his head.
"Let him cry", Bakugou says, twisting a bit of Kirishima's hair between his
fingers. "He's emotional. It's good to let it out."
"Oh, so these are gay tears", Sero smiles. "You're so ugly when you cry, I
don't want to associate that with your happiness, love."
Kirishima wails. "You called me love!"
Sero laughs. "Yeah. Because I love you and I want to call you cute things all
the time. Your name is so pretty I'm afraid I might wear it out for how much I
want to say it."
"Wear it out, love."
"Let it roll, let it roll off your tongue", Bakugou sings. "Let me know, let me
know what you want. Wear it out like a sweater that you love cause I can't get
enough when you say my name."
Kirishima dives back into the safety of his own arms. "Oh no don't sing, I
can't. I'll die."
Sero laughs into Kirishima's ear. "I'm so in love and I'm loving the
situation."
"Mercy", Kirishima cries. "Shit, mercy."
Sero climbs into his lap.
"No, wait", Bakugou says, physically picking Sero up. "Let's at least duck into
a study room."
"Please", Kirishima sobs.
Bakugou frees a hand and uses it to drag Kirishima to the south study room. Now
he has two weak boys in his arms, because Sero squirms when Bakugou manages to
carry him one-armed. He drops them both on the table so he can lock the door
behind him.
Kirishima is quick to jump to the floor, yet the table still groans under his
weight.
Sero jumps down on him.
Kirishima goes "oof" then predictably falls silent as he focuses more on making
out with Sero.
Bakugou pulls one of Kirishima's arms away from Sero's waist and lies in the
space there. He nudges Sero to the side, and Sero's hips slip off Kirishima's
while they still suck face. Bakugou settles half on top of Kirishima's chest
and waits for his turn.
They have all the time in the world.
***** Who Started The Fire? *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"Bakugou, did you do this?" Uraraka screams.
It's the dead of the night and the fire alarm went off in their building so the
entire class is shivering outside in their pyjamas while they wait for some
teachers to arrive, count the kids, and turn off the alarm.
"Why the shit would I do this!" Bakugou screams back, intimidation drastically
compromised with four datemates hanging onto him for warmth. "It was probably
shitty Half-ass!"
"I did not", Todoroki says. "Izuku and Tenya can both vouch for me."
"Yes, it's true!" Iida says. "You have my word as class president that Shouto's
not to blame for this!"
Midoriya doesn't give any verbal responses, instead he just snuggles deeper
into Todoroki's side. Midoriya has Tsuyu in his arms so they can at least
somewhat share the warmth, but it's clear that there's only so much of
Todoroki's one side. Uraraka and Iida are left to their own devices.
"Alright class, quiet down", Aizawa says as he approaches, looking exactly the
same as he usually does. That is to say, scruffy and sleep-deprived. "I have to
make sure you're all alive and well. Other teachers will arrive to check out
the fire, if there even is one, and turn off the alarm."
"Shit", Kirishima goes. "There's gonna be more teachers?"
"Why do you even care", Ashido hisses back. "The sooner this gets done the
better."
"Yeah but my hair is down", Kirishima mumbles, fussing with it. "Aizawa-sensei
doesn't care and he's seen it before anyway, but I don't want others to see! I
have an image."
"Your hair is great", Ashido mumbles. "You can hide behind Hanta and Katsuki if
you want."
"Be quiet", Aizawa calls to stop the conversations across the class. "Before
anything else, Todoroki, Bakugou, do you have anything to do with this?"
"No, sir."
"No."
"Good. Now--"
"Alright everyone", Present Mic shouts, suddenly appearifying next to Aizawa.
Kirishima ducks his head.
"Let's stay calm here, okay?" Present Mic's hands fly everywhere and he nearly
slaps Aizawa in the face. "I can assure you I'm more sleep-deprived than any of
you and I will freaking fight you on this, so please just make this easy."
"I have this", Aizawa drawls. "Go check out the fire."
"You're no fun anymore, Eraser", Present Mic says. "You're sending me into a
flaming building and you're not even cracking a joke about it."
"I'm as dead on the inside as you are", Aizawa says.
"I really doubt that!"
Ashido nudges Kirishima. "Ei, look."
Kirishima lifts his head. He peeks over Ashido's shoulder at his teachers.
Present Mic is wearing what looks like the most expensive set of loungewear he
could get his hands on. His hair is in a bun at the back of his head, and quite
a few long tufts have made their way out of it and down his back.
Kirishima's eyes grow sparkles.
Midnight turns the corner and goes to stand to Present Mic's other side. "Okay
fuckmunches why are we standing out here like a handful of tools."
She's wearing an espeon onesie.
Ashido absolutely loses it. She turns around and buries her face into Bakugou's
collarbone until she can compose herself.
"Check out the fire", Aizawa repeats. "And turn off the alarm, it's driving me
insane."
Present Mic and Midnight stroll through the students and into the building.
"Okay, now, I see you've formed groups to retain body heat, which was smart of
you all but also I didn't need to see that. Yes, Tokoyami, I'm looking at you."
Tokoyami shrugs from his nest in Shouji's arms.
"Okay, so I was thinking I'd get you in a line but that doesn't look like it'll
work. Iida, can you make sure everyone's here?"
"Yes, sir! I counted us all when we stepped out of the dorms, and it seems
we're all here."
"Good, good. Wait, Hagakure?"
They all look around for a moment.
"Hagakure?"
"Um", Ojiro says. He has a blanket around his shoulders and it opens on its own
to reveal a set of pyjamas in his arms. "She's here."
"I'm fine!" she says.
"Hold on a moment!" Iida calls. "Then I must've miscounted, or we have a
student more than we should! What's going on?"
Now Midoriya lifts his head. "Uh, I might've. Been hiding Shinsou from general
studies in my room?"
"Where is he now?"
"Yo", Shinsou calls. He's plopped down on the ground with his back to the dorm
building.
Aizawa rubs the bridge of his nose. "Why aren't you in your own dorm?"
"I was hiding in Midoriya's room."
"I know, but why."
"Does it matter?"
"Answer the question, Shinsou."
Shinsou raises his eyebrows.
"You know what", Aizawa frowns. "I changed my mind, I don't want to know."
The fire alarm shuts off.
"So you're all here", Aizawa says, "and it sounds like there wasn't a fire
after all. False alarm, then. Now, did any of you trigger the alarm on
purpose?"
The class looks at each other for a moment.
"Good", Aizawa concludes. "Are any of you injured?" No response. "Good. Then we
can go back to sleep as soon as Mic and Midnight are done."
Present Mic and Midnight step out of the building.
"What happened?"
"One of the washing machines in the boys' laundry room short-circuited and was
smoking. We can get it fixed in the morning."
"Fine", Aizawa sighs, at last. "Now let's go to sleep before I pass out."
"Hey, I was working until literally an hour ago", Present Mic says.
"Can you both shut the fuck your mouths", Midnight grumbles, trying to fix her
messy bun, only succeeding in getting it messier. "I'm tired and cold and
fucking tired so stop talking."
"Anyway", Present Mic says, with his quirk, just to be an ass.
Midnight dropkicks him into the cold hard ground.


It's hard for a bunch of stressed teenagers to fall asleep after getting woken
up in the middle of the night and having had to stand in the cold for a good
ten minutes. The entire class - plus Shinsou - is groggy at breakfast. The only
ones who seem even remotely rested are Todoroki, who is the definition of
'conceal don't feel', and Hagakure, who was carried and stayed warm, bundled in
a blanket, and never actually set foot on the ground. Kaminari seriously
suspects she barely woke up during the entire mess.
He's also a little jealous that her boyfriend carried her around so she could
sleep while none of Kaminari's did that for him.
He talks about his grumpiness to whoever he's sitting the closest to at
breakfast.
"And I mean, Katsuki's warm, right? I don't really know why, since his quirk is
a chemical and all, but he's warm, and we were all huddling onto him."
"Yes, I saw", Shinsou says, the very embodiment of insomnia. "I was there."
"And he didn't pick me up once! Which, okay, I was kinda expecting it from him,
but Eijirou? Eijirou could've picked me up."
Shinshou frowns for a moment. "That's... Kirishima's first name, right?"
"You know Katsuki but you don't know Eijirou?"
"He did win the Sports Festival. And made a scene over it."
"Do you even know  my  name?"
"Of course I do, you were in the top sixteen. I don't remember your first,
though."
"Now that I think about it, I don't know your first either." Kaminari offers
his hand. "Kaminari Denki, Stun Gun hero-in-training Chargebolt."
Shinsou takes his hand. "Shinsou Hitoshi. General studies. I can brainwash
people."
"That's so cool! How are you not in the hero course yet?"
"Well, my original plan was to get on the podium on my first Sports Festival,
but our good pal Midoriya had different plans."
"Midoriya", Kaminari sighs, shaking his head. "Did you see him carrying Tsuyu
last night? I'm pretty sure those two aren't even together-together. I mean, I
get that everyone has at least a little bit of a crush on Midoriya, but Tsuyu's
super  gay."
"You're not too far off", Tsuyu says, standing up and placing her dishes in the
dishwasher. She isn't wearing her uniform yet, which means she'll have to go
back up to her room to change. "Mostly I'm with Izuku by proxy, ribbit. I like
him very much, but not in as much of an intimate way as you're probably
thinking."
Kaminari groans. "See? It's not  fair  that she got carried and I didn't. I
have four datemates that can carry me! Four! And not one of them thought to
pick me up!"
Shinsou furrows his eyebrows. "Wait, you're dating four people?"
"Why are you surprised? Aren't you friends with Midoriya?"
"Yeah, but I thought--" Shinsou scratches his jaw. "I thought you were dating
Ashido? The pink one, that's her name, right?"
"Yeah. But I'm also dating the red spiky one and the plain one and the explodey
one."
"The... plain one?"
"Hanta! I mean, Sero. Who lost to Todoroki?"
Shinsou frowns. "Didn't Midoriya lose to Todoroki?"
"Before that." Kaminari sighs. "The 'don't mind' one."
"Oh!" Shinsou goes. Then he laughs. "I can't believe that's his most
identifying feature."
"I mean I could say the one with the tape in the elbows but I doubt you
remember everyone by quirk."
"You defined Bakugou as the explodey one."
"Because he is."
"And you're dating all four of them? Doesn't that get crowded?"
"We're all dating each other, yes. But you're friends with Midoriya, of all
people, how are you confused about this?"
Shinsou leans his head on his hand. "Is Midoriya some sort of comparison
point?"
"Everyone has a crush on Midoriya", Kaminari shrugs. "And I've got a crush on
everyone."
Shinsou gives a lazy laugh. "That must be tiring."
"I have this goal to fuck everyone in our school", Kaminari admits. "So far I
have nine in my class and one from class B. Would you be interested in getting
me started on general studies?"
Shinsou blinks. "Are you asking me out or asking me to hook you up with one of
my classmates?"
"That depends entirely on whether you're interested or not", Kaminari says, and
his face falls flat.
Shinsou nests his chin back in his hand. "Do you actually want to sleep with
me?"
"Yes", Kaminari says flatly.
"How come?"
"I crush easy."
"What about your classmates?"
"I crush on them too."
Shinsou blinks, and Kaminari shakes his head out. He forces himself to blink a
few times before he turns to Shinsou's grin.
"Was that your quirk?"
"Yes."
"Dude, that was so neat. But why the fuck, I would've answered those fine."
Shinsou shrugs one shoulder. "To make sure. Anyway why don't you focus on your
own class, for now?"
"I mean, I could, but I have you available right now and I don't know when I'll
see you again. Your dorm is far."
"It's two buildings over. The school itself is further than my dorm."
"Huh", Kaminari goes. "Anyway I've been flirting with my entire class since day
one. I'm pretty sure they're all lowkey tired of me by now."
"Nonsense. A delight such as yourself? How about this: if you could sleep with
anyone in your class tonight, who would it be?"
Kaminari whines. "C'mon, man."
"No, I'm serious! Pick one and focus on them. If nothing else, it's at least
going get you to fuck your class sooner than whatever plan of action you have
right now."
Kaminari scratches his head. "Well, I've been meaning to fuck Shouji again -
he's the one with the six arms - but he won't really up my score. I just want
to fuck him again."
"You're making it sound like you haven't fucked much."
"Nah, we had a quickie in the baths one time and it was glorious and I've been
meaning to ask for a proper fuck, on a bed and everything, but I don't know how
to bring it up."
Shinsou looks him up and down. "You don't really seem the shy type."
"That's not it. I just - he has a boyfriend, and I also want to fuck the
boyfriend, but I'm kinda scared to ask for a threesome because one of my
boyfriends had a threesome with the two of them recently so I'm afraid it's
just gonna be awkward. Besides, my room is cluttered as hell, Shouji's has
absolutely nothing in it and his boyfriend's is the most gothic interior you've
ever seen. I'm not sure any of those beds are exactly prime fuckspots."
"That's stupid", someone says behind Kaminari and he whips around so fast he
nearly butts his head into Tokoyami. "You could've just said."
"I know", Kaminari says. "But I don't even know if you can kiss people."
Tokoyami laughs. "Here, I'll show you." He puts his bowl of cereal on the table
behind Kaminari and leans down to join their foreheads.
Kaminari kisses his beak and Tokoyami trills and Kaminari belatedly realizes
that the sound is pretty close to what a smooch might sound like from someone
who doesn't have lips.
"Tokoyami, please fuck me", Kaminari says.
"So eloquent. So romantic", Tokoyami laughs. "Alright. You want Mezou in on
this?"
"I mean, if he can."
Shinsou stands up, gathers up what looks to be his own shirt and heads out.
"Okay, I'm off. You can thank me later, Chargebolt."
He was wearing one of Midoriya's shirts.
Chapter End Notes
     ashido was halfway to betting that midnight sleeps absolutely nakey
     but you can pry my onesie midnight headcanon out of my clammy dead
     hands
***** Angry Bird, Angrier Bomb, Scary Octopus *****
Chapter Summary
     alternatively titled "if they snarl any more they're werewolves"
"Mina you owe me 2000 yen", Uraraka calls as she steps into the kitchen.
Ashido puts her glass down. "You didn't."
Uraraka steps closer and pulls up her skirt, effectively flashing Ashido. "I
did."
Iida yelps from the tables. "Ochako, that is insanely inappropriate! Even if
the two of you discussed this beforehand, you can't just do that in our shared
living space!"
Ashido hands over a two-thousand bill. "Relax, Emergency Exit, it's for a
dare."
"That's no excuse! Wait, a dare? Did you dare her to do something this
inappropriate? And Ochako, you agreed? I don't believe you!"
"What did you dare her to do", Sero drawls lazy.
"She dared me to steal Bakugou's underwear", Uraraka brags. "Without him
noticing."
"I'm sure he'll notice", Sero says.
"Well, I already got paid", Uraraka says, waving the two-thousand around. "I
don't care if he does."
"You will when he comes for your head."
"I'll just blame it on Mina."
"Ochako!" Ashido gasps, clutching her pearls. "You'd betray me like that?"
"Absolutely", Uraraka laughs.
 
 
Bakugou is arguing with Tokoyami again. Or, actually, with Dark Shadow, with
occasional input from Tokoyami.
"It'sstupid", Bakugou says. "Training to be stronger under light isn't going to
do jack shit. What you need to do is learn some fucking control in the dark."
"That's stupid!" Dark Shadow yells. "When do we ever need to fight in the dead
of the night?"
"All the fucking time!" Bakugou yells back. "You think crime happens in broad
daylight just because we train in school and school operates in the morning?
Bull! Shit!"
"This isn't like your own quirk's limitations, Bakugou", Tokoyami frowns. "In
fact, in terms of plausibility, our upper and lower limits are quite opposite.
You can't use your quirk if you don't sweat, so getting too cold or too wet is
your equivalent of Dark Shadow under harsh light, would you say so?"
"No", Bakugou scowls. "My hands can sweat underwater too, fuck you very much,
and cold is not a fucking issue when I'm fighting because fights make me sweat
too."
"Right", Tokoyami says, shushing Dark Shadow. "You deal with your lower
limitations by changing the situation so your quirk still works, but that's not
the case with Dark Shadow - if the sun is out, then the sun is out. However, on
the upper limitations, it works quite well. At night, it's pretty easy to find
or make some light."
"You should be able to control your own fucking quirk without relying on
light."
"Easy for you to say!" Dark Shadow cries. "You don't have an upper limit!"
"Not unless you count tinnitus", Tokoyami frowns.
"Yeah", Bakugou says, rubbing up and down his forearm. "I don't have an upper
limit."
"Bullshit", Midoriya mutters from the other end of the room, and Bakugou only
notices because Midoriya locks eyes with him and grabs his own arm.
Bakugou appropriately flips him off.
Tokoyami ignores the death glare sent over his shoulder. "Yes, see, that's
where we're opposites. The stronger you need your quirk to be, the more control
you apply to it, while my quirk gets stronger the less I control it."
"Fuck", Bakugou groans. "He's right the fuck here, can't tell him to chill the
fuck out when you're scared at night?"
"First of all", Dark Shadow says, "Fuck you. Secondly, fuck you. Third, stop
treating me like I work the same way you do. I'm not entirely willed, and if it
were up to me, you'd all be dead."
"Oh, so you're exactly like me", Bakugou laughs. "Except the reason I don't
commit mass murder is because I have a proper grasp on humanity and the value
of life, while you only hold back because Yami can pull your chain back most of
the time, is that it?"
"I don't know if I should be more offended that you think you have a grasp on
mortality or the fact that you just called him Yami."
"I can't believe that's what you chose to focus on."
"You think I give a shit that Fumikage controls me? I welcome it. He shares his
will with me and it's great. Let me fucking tell you, being unwilled sucks
shit."
"You know what sucks shit?" Bakugou yells. "Losing a limb because your angry,
scared, guilty ass couldn't fucking control yourself in darkness." He points to
Shouji. "Having to watch you eat at away at him because you felt a little off.
Oh no, my bad, because Tokoyami felt a little off. And then having to pick up
after your destructive ass because you couldn't die the fuck out even after the
danger had passed."
Tokoyami uncrosses his legs. Dark Shadow grows taller.
"He doesn't respond to danger", Tokoyami says. "He responds to my emotions and
you know I'm sorry for--"
"You think you can just bring Shouji in this when it suits you?" Dark Shadow
screams. "The only reason the danger was there in the first place is because of
you!"
Shouji puts a hand on Tokoyami's shoulder, and Dark Shadow falls down on it,
growing smaller until all of him can fit on the back of Shouji's hand.
"Bakugou", Shouji growls, and Bakugou bites his tongue. "Do not. Ever again.
Use me - or any of my injuries - as a point in an argument that's not even
remotely about me. Also - use your fucking eyes, and count my hands. They're
all here. And you", Shouji turns to Dark Shadow, who shrinks even more. "How
dare you accuse Bakugou for the attack? They came after you too. Would that
make it your fault, too?"
Tokoyami has a hand over his face.
"I'm sorry", Dark Shadow cries, voice small and breaking. "I didn't mean it. I
was angry. I was sad."
"Dark Shadow", Tokoyami hisses.
"I was upset because I remembered I hurt you", Dark Shadow has time to say
before Tokoyami wills him into his chest.
Tokoyami taps a couple of fingers on his own face before he manages to take his
hand off it. He uncrosses his legs and crosses them the other way, intertwining
his hands and hooking them over his knee. "What were we talking about?"
Shouji uses the hold he still has on Tokoyami's shoulder to shake him a little.
"Fumi, it's fine. You're allowed to feel things."
"No I'm not", Tokoyami mumbles. "At least, not when Dark Shadow gets to feel
them."
"Bull-fucking-shit", Bakugou snarls. "He needs to learn how to keep it together
when you feel."
"I will cut you", Shouji snarls back.
"I will cut you myself", Tokoyami says, standing up and finally shrugging off
Shouji's hand. "You think this is something that can just happen? That Dark
Shadow is just some puppy I can train into behaving? Or do you think he's a
human with a rational thought process and he just loses it sometimes? He's a
fucking quirk, Bakugou, and his actions are barely a result of a behaviour.
You're the only one here who goes on destructive rampages just because you're
angry."
Bakugou stands up as well. "That's what you think happens when I'm angry?"
"Wait, let me guess, you call it productively letting off steam."
"At least my outlet doesn't threaten anyone's life!"
"Enough!" Shouji yells, stomping one foot hard on the floor. The carpet tries,
but isn't enough to keep the coffee table from shaking with the impact. "Did I
not just fucking tell you to stop using my injuries to prove your shitty
points? Fumikage lived his entire life with that being the only time he'd ever
actually been a threat."
"Well maybe I wasn't talking about you!" Bakugou yells back. "Maybe I was
talking about the villain what's-his-face! I can't even remember if he survived
after all!"
"You lie about using him as an excuse and then turn around to say you don't
even know his name? What is wrong with you?"
"What is wrong with me? What is wrong with you! You're so eager to defend him,
it's like you never got mutilated at all!"
Because Shouji is fucking done and because he decided he hates everyone in this
room - including himself - just enough right this moment, he pulls his mask
down and snarls.
Several things happen at once, then, in the time it takes him to cover his
mouth again.
Tokoyami puts himself between Shouji and Bakugou.
Dark Shadow climbs out of Tokoyami's back and settles over his shoulders, down
his arms, up his neck in a clear display of threat.
Bakugou's eyes go wide, and almost as an afterthought, he remembers there are
other people in the room and turns to look behind him.
Behind him, Jirou has one hand over her mouth and the other is holding back
Uraraka, who has murder in her eyes and Kirishima holding her other arm back.
Kaminari is makes a long, high-pitched sound of distress with no signs of
stopping.
Aoyama goes dim, slack-jawed and off-balance.
From the opposite side of the room, Midoriya screams and grabs onto Todoroki's
wrist for dear life.
Shouji pulls his mask back in place and Kaminari's wail ends with a choked
cough. There's a long moment of stillness and silence. Finally, Todoroki
speaks.
"You're hurting me."
Midoriya lets go of Todoroki's wrist like it burned him. "Sorry."
Tokoyami finally remembers to breathe. "Mezou, what the hell, I panicked. I
thought you didn't want people to see your mouth."
"I don't like people seeing my mouth because it's scary", Shouji says, melting
down to sit on the couch. "It seemed appropriate to show it here."
Tokoyami stares for a moment, with Dark Shadow over half his face and around
his arms. "You're not... Mezou, you're not scary."
"Not to you, maybe", Shouji says with a soft tilt of his head. "But I'm big and
my mouth is creepy and I have fucking tentacles behind my shoulders. A lot of
people would be scared of that."
Tokoyami shakes his head and finally manages to wrestle Dark Shadow out of
existence. "Yeah but... no one here. Your mouth isn't creepy, it's just hurt."
"It's scarred", Shouji mumbles. "It's not going to heal. That's just how it is
now."
"Yeah but it's not creepy or scary or ugly", Tokoyami says, and he sits so
close to Shouji that he hooks one of his legs over Shouji's lap.
"It's ugly as high hell", Bakugou growls, but he sits down as well. "But not
fucking scary."
A moment passes, two.
"Sorry, we're all thinking it", Kaminari says before he yells, "Shouji, you're
hot as fuck!"
Shouji laughs. "Thanks, Kaminari, I appreciate that."
"Alright", Kirishima says as he stands up from his table. "I need volunteers
for a thing."
"Wait, is this the thing?" Tokoyami says.
"Yes. Who wants to gangbang Shouji with me?"
Shouji shakes his head. "Pardon?"
"You heard me."
"Is this a challenge, Kirishima? Because I said I could gangbang the lot of you
no matter how many you were?"
Tokoyami chokes on his spit. "You said that? When?"
Shouji rubs the back of his neck. "Over the buff chat."
"I can confirm that", Midoriya calls from his corner.
"Obviously, I volunteer", Tokoyami says. "But is it going to be a fight or a
fuck?"
Kirishima hums in thought. "Depends on whether Shouji wants to try to prove his
claims."
Shouji laughs. "You know what? Do your worst and then I'll tell you."
Midoriya lifts his hand. "Um, I only want in if we're not fighting."
"Then I guess we're not fighting", Shouji says. "Alright, who else? Let's get
this done."
"Oh, me, please", Kaminari says.
"I bet I can get Satou and Mina in on this", Kirishima says, pulling out his
phone. "Hold on."
"Ojiro and Hagakure?" Tokoyami asks.
"Sure", Shouji shrugs.
"Okay, wait", Kaminari puts a hand up. "If those two get in, I wanna fuck them
on my own first. What's our schedule for this?"
"I guess we can make it a date", Kirishima says. "Actually, yeah, I'm making it
a movie date right now. Let's just have a massive sleepover in front of the
TV."
"A sleepover", Shouji says.
"Yes."
"That's what we're calling it now?"
"Bite me", Kirishima says. "Denki, tell us when you fuck Ojiro and Hagakure so
we can pick a day."
"Okay now you're putting pressure on me and you fucking know how that ends."
"Oh please", Kirishima says, typing out a text. "If you could get Katsuki, of
all the people in the world, to sleep with you mere hours after you two had
literally resorted to hair-pulling like a pair of whiny twelve-year-olds, then
you'll have not problem with Ojiro and Hagakure. You've been flirting with both
of them since forever and they both like you alright."
"I've been flirting with everyone since forever and I don't think anyone hates
me", Kaminari frowns.
"Back up", Jirou says. "Bakugou and Kaminari were pulling each other's hair?
Like, in a fight? That's how low they stooped?"
"Ah, our first time", Kaminari sighs with a dreamy look on his face. "Lovely
times. I nearly dislocated a shoulder."
"That's what you fucking get", Bakugou calls. "Drooly piece of shit."
Kaminari stutters for a moment. "Fuck - finally you give me a good setup and I
can't even think of a comeback!"
"Here, let me", Kirishima says. "Katsuki, if I remember correctly, you weren't
against that drool at the time."
"Thank you", Kaminari says.
"Fuck you", Bakugou says.
"You did!" Kaminari says. "That's the joke! You fucked me even though you were
hellbent on killing me earlier that very same day!"
Bakugou leans back into his seat, easy smirk on his face, and Kaminari breaks
into sweat. "Denki, you really should've seen yourself after you got out of the
infirmary that day. You were so worn out it's a wonder you could stand, but you
were still stupid enough to go picking for a fight? Priceless. But oh, I think
you remember what happened at the rematch, right?"
"I'm", Kaminari stands up abruptly, "gonna go, find Ojiro? And Hagakure, maybe?
Bye."
Bakugou laughs. "Bye, Drooly."
Kirishima laughs too. "Bye, love! Tell me when you get them both!"
 
 
<TEAM BAKUGOU (PLUS KAMINARI)>
/alienQueen: petition to change the chat name to mina and her boys
/RR: im for it
/sero(p)han: its at least better than listing two names
/murder: it's dumb either way
/alienQueen: where's denki?
/RR: with any luck, between ojiro and hagakure
/alienQueen: tooru is right next to me
/RR: with any luck, between ojiro's legs
/alienQueen: oh my god let me ask her
/alienQueen: LMAO GODSPEED TOORU SHE RAN OUT SO FAST
/RR: i'm so proud of denki look at him making progress
/sero(p)han: knowing him he probably begged in tears
/alienQueen: you say that like it's a bad thing
/sero(p)han: i mean i guess its not that bad if youve never been able to talk
sweet in the first place
/RR: you know what, hanta? piss off. our boi made process and we should be
proud of him
/murder: you can't prove that he made process with his talking
/murder: he did raise the percentage of classmates he's fucked, though, i'll
give him that
/RR: i'm so proud of him, he's so manly
 
 
<TEAM BAKUGOU (PLUS KAMINARI)>
/jam-yay: hey guys anyone remember hagakure eating?
/alienQueen: spill that tea
/jam-yay: turns out she can choose whether what she puts in her mouth shows
through her or not
/alienQueen: tell me more
/jam-yay: ok well use your imagination
/alienQueen: what about things she puts in elsewhere
/jam-yay: i thought you girls would know all about each other's sexy times
/alienQueen: i do
/alienQueen: she said that anything in her is as invisible as she is, but you
brought up a good point vis a vis food
/alienQueen: i distinctly remember the first time i saw her eat bc i was
watching her bite go down her throat with vague disturbance
/alienQueen: when i pointed it out it just disappeared so i guess she can
choose to cover things in her with her quirk
/alienQueen: or leave them visible
/jam-yay: mhm
/alienQueen: d
/alienQueen: did she leave things visible?
/jam-yay: not for me but she did for ojiro
/alienQueen: shitfuck
/jam-yay: mhm
***** Kiss It Better *****
Chapter Summary
     actually no one even offers to kiss it better oops
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Yao-momo lifts Ashido's elbow up. Keeping a hand on Ashido's shoulder, she
moves the other's arm backwards.
Ashido grinds her teeth and squeezes her eyes shut, not making a single sound.
Yao-momo brings Ashido's arm forward, then straight out to the side, before she
carefully lets it drop again. She places the ice pack back on Ashido's shoulder
and secures it with the sling's strap.
Ashido only exhales when she's sure her shoulder won't be moved anymore.
"Thanks."
"It's no problem", Yao-momo says. "Just, please don't keep it completely still
while it heals. I know it hurts but your shoulder is a joint, it needs to
move."
"Thank you", Ashido says again. She turns around to catch Uraraka staring.
"Sorry", Uraraka says. She goes back to dabbing disinfectant on her split
knuckles. To her left, Midoriya is doing the same.
"I said it's fine", Ashido says. "In fact, it was a great move, Ochako, hun!
I'm so impressed that you've improved so much on hand-to-hand so quickly!"
"Thank you", Uraraka says with a silly smile on her face as she wraps up her
hands. "You're not so bad, yourself."
"You're better than me."
"No."
"No, Ashido, Ochako's right", Midoriya says. "You're really way better. You're
easily one of the most athletic people in this class. If we didn't have
strength-related quirks, I think you'd really be the strongest here."
Ashido waves with her good hand. "No, our class is great."
"Our class is great and you're in our class, so you're great", Yao-momo says.
"Don't sell yourself short, Mina."
"I'm not! I'm just saying-- okay I get what you mean, I know I'm pretty strong,
but Ochako actually knows what she's doing! She studied martial arts with
Gunhead, of all heroes, for goodness' sake!"
Midoriya secures the bandages around his right hand with a pin and starts
wrapping his left. "You may be right about that, but you can't underestimate
scrappy street-smarts, Ashido. You've never been able to rely on your quirk for
close fights. Ochako is newer to this than you are. In the past, touching her
opponent was enough for her to win. She's had a lot of techniques drilled into
her head with Gunhead, and she's built up a lot of strength, but you're still
better than her." He secures his left-hand bandages and slips an elbow guard on
his left arm. He slaps a band-aid on his wrist and looks himself over one last
time.
"You really are", Uraraka says. She stands up. "For now."
Ashido grins. "I won't just stand idle and let you surpass me."
Uraraka grins back. "I'm sure you won't." She takes off and starts on a couple
of laps around the gym to cool down.
 
 
"Oh, Uraraka!"
Uraraka packs her bag and stands up from her seat. "Yes?"
"I wanted to ask you", Kaminari says as they both step out of the class, "about
that grab you did on Mina during PE."
"I'm sorry about her shoulder."
"That's great but that's not what I mean. Can you show me how to do it? It
seemed easy enough and it did manage to hurt a lot and win you the spar, so I
thought it'd be good to learn it."
Uraraka scratches her head. "Sure. But, why would you need it? You can win any
fight if you can touch your opponent."
Kaminari grins. "So can you."
Uraraka flushes up with a grateful, proud smile. "But you're an elemental. You
don't suffer as much drawback as me."
"So you think. I just want to have a couple of tricks up my sleeve in case I
ever need them. It's not like I'm ever going to regret learning how to kick
some ass, you know? I've just never been strong enough to do shit like supplex
people so it's hard to find something I can actually pull off. That grab looked
just right!"
"It is! You don't need to lift your opponent and it only takes a little bit of
smart positioning to make it work. Okay, I'll teach you."
"Sweet."
"When can we do this?"
"Can you go right now? I mean, after we're back at the dorms. Oh, are your
hands okay?"
"No, they're pretty beat up. Tomorrow?"
"I don't know if I'll be in fighting condition tomorrow. We have the movie date
sleepover tonight."
Uraraka furrows her brows. "The what?"
"The Shouji bang?"
"What?"
Kaminari laughs. "We're all gonna team up against Shouji and have some fun", he
winks.
Uraraka flushes. "Deku might've mentioned something like that."
Kaminari giggles. "Yeah, we've planned that for tonight. In my experience these
things tend to end with me sore all over so I don't know if I'll be able to
fight tomorrow."
"Wouldn't-- wouldn't Shouji be the one who's gonna be sore?"
"Oh no, I'll be sore. It's best not to question it."
 
 
Sero kicks his leg up. "Well, he's not wrong. He does get sore easily."
"This, coming from you?" Bakugou says, on the verge of laughter. "How's your
neck, Hanta?"
Sero throws his sock at Bakugou, who ducks under it.
"Now that you mentioned it, how is your neck?" Todoroki says. "It looks
painful."
"I'm fine, fuck!" Sero says, standing up from Todoroki's desk chair to retrieve
his sock.
"You're black and blue", Uraraka says from the floor.
"It's fine."
Bakugou leans more of his weight onto Uraraka, and she easily yields to rest
her head on her knees. She intertwines her hands and hooks them around her
feet. "How did you even get those?" she says, muffled by her own thighs.
"Mostly Denki, a little bit of Katsuki."
Bakugou stands up and pulls Uraraka to her feet to change their positions so
she's the one pushing him down over his legs. "So why the fuck did Denki ask
you for fighting shit when I'm right here?"
Uraraka shrugs. "You're too strong to know how he moves, Bakugou. You can sling
people over your head one-armed. Kaminari can barely lift another person."
Bakugou grumbles. "I could fucking teach him easy stuff."
Uraraka pushes him down some more. "Not with that attitude you couldn't."
"Ask Hanta."
"I'm taller than you", Sero shrugs. "I have an advantage. Denki's like, 10cm
shorter than me. You can't possibly think you can teach us the same stuff."
Bakugou's face finally touches his knees. "I fucking guess."
"I must ask, since Ochako is clearly not going to", Todoroki says. "Do either
of you know whether Kaminari might be using this as an excuse to ask her out
again?"
"Oh he definitely is", Sero says.
"Nice!", Ochako goes, pulling Bakugou up.
"Not fucking nice", Bakugou groans. "He's doing it on purpose, I just know it."
"Is this about the Mido-ban?" Sero laughs. "Dude, get over it. You fucked
Midoriya himself, you can't salvage it! Actually, wait." He does some quick
math. "Todoroki, when are you and I going to fuck?"
Todoroki shrugs. "I'm available now, if you'd like."
"I have to leave right now immediately", Uraraka says, picking up her wrist
bands from the desk. "Bakugou, are you staying?"
"Oh, please", Sero says.
"Absolutely not", Bakugou says.
"But it's gonna be so much fun", Sero pouts. "You're gonna miss out."
"I will fucking survive."
"I bet he doesn't want our squad and his squad to merge any more than we
already have", Uraraka laughs. She opens the door and nearly faceplants right
into Yao-momo's cleavage.
"Oh, I'm sorry", Yao-momo says. "Are you okay?"
Uraraka rights herself. "I'm fine! I was just leaving, though. Shouto and Sero
are about to do the nasty."
Bakugou shoulders past the girls and out the door. "What in the name of our
lord and saviour All Might made you think that was the best way to phrase what
has got to be the third biggest betrayal I'm experiencing this week?"
"Third?"
"Denki and Mina are both at the fucking movie date downstairs."
"Figures."
"I just walked by that date to get here", Yao-momo says, slightly sweaty. "It's
gotten a little heated, but it seems they're still at the movie part of the
date."
"Enough of this, are we gonna fuck or not?" Sero says. "And are you guys gonna
leave or stay? Make up your minds, don't just stand at the door."
"Wait, you're serious", Yao-momo says. "Just where do I have to go to get some
company in this dorm?"
Todoroki stands. "I mean, I can kick Sero out if you want..."
"No, please, don't stop on my behalf. Ochako, hun, where are you going after
this?"
"I was just going to Tenya's. If the date downstairs is really progressing as
you say, I'm a little scared to go through the common room to get back to our
wing... Do you want to come with? I'm sure Tenya won't mind."
"Thank you, that sounds great."
"Great, great", Sero says. "Katsuki, last chance - you staying or leaving?"
"I'm leaving", Bakugou says. "Some of us have actual homework to do."
"Okay, I'll pass by later to get mine done too", Sero says, and shuts the door
on the three of them.
 
 
<THE [FLEXING ARM EMOJI] ONES>
/tail: satou?
/tail: are you there?
/sugar: mm
/tail: can you grab me my pants to your right? tooru's asleep on me and I dont
want to wake her up
/sugar: tokoyami's on them sorry man i'm letting that bird sleep
/tail: ass
/tail: my legs are freezing I can't feel my feet
/doorEyes: Do you want a big meaty hug?
/sugar: I thought that sentence was gonna end differently but sure yeah
/doorEyes: Give me a moment.
/a_hero: tenya are you there?
/run: YES, IZUKU. I TAKE IT IT'S SAFE TO COME DOWNSTAIRS?
/a_hero: oh yeah sure
/a_hero: who wanted to come downstairs?
/run: OCHAKO AND YAOYOROZU HAVE BEEN STUCK IN OUR WING OF THE DORMS AND I'VE
BEEN HOSTING THEM FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF HOURS.
/run: THEY'RE ASLEEP. I'M NOT SURE IF I SHOULD WAKE THEM UP AND SEND THEM OFF
OR LEAVE THEM BE.
/a_hero: leave them be
/tail: ah my dudes shouji's the best hugger out of us all there's no arguing
this
/a_hero: clearly? he has six arms. that's THREE times the huggability?
/doorEyes: I take it you're warmed, Ojiro?
/tail: oh yeah definitely
/sugar: now i wanna cuddle with shouji
/a_hero: i'm fine over here i have kirishima
/doorEyes: Are you saying Kirishima is more cuddly than me?
/a_hero: he sure is warm and big
/tail: i'll argue that shouji is warmer and bigger
/run: WE CAN'T REALLY ARGUE ABOUT TEMPERATURE WHEN SHOUTO EXISTS.
/sugar: counter-argument: one side is too small of an area to account for
cuddleability
/tail: counterargument 2 the other side is always cold
/a_hero: you can pick a side depending on the weather
/a_hero: you couldn't cuddle with shouji during summer
/tail: you got me there
/sugar: you dont got me bc todoroki is actually impossible to spoon with at any
given point of time unless he specifically monitors his quirk all the time to
regulate his temperature on purpose check and mate
/a_hero: can't argue with that
/doorEyes: You fools, the most cuddly in our class is Ojiro because he just
hugged me with his tail and that is the cutest shit I've ever experienced so he
takes the cake.
/doorEyes: Satou, bake a cake for him to take.
/doorEyes: FUCK please consider that my boyfriend is in a nest of our clothes
as we speak and Ojiro's tail-hugging is still cuter than that.
/a_hero: damn
/run: OH.
/sugar: well shit i guess we have a winner
/tail: you guys stoooop
/RR: y'all're wrong the cuddle mvp is kouda
/sugar: shit u rite
/doorEyes: Sorry, Kirishima, did we wake you up?
/RR: a little
/RR: its fine i just realized i was sleeping with mido's head cutting off the
circulation in my arm and fixed it so thanks  for waking me, actually
/a_hero: BIG question does anyone know where hagakure is bc i dont want to trip
on her by accident in the morning
/tail: she's sleeping on me and i doubt she's gonna move much before we wake up
/a_hero: ok good to know
/doorEyes: Now that you mentioned it, am I in danger of getting kneed in the
face?
/tail: nah man shes a very heavy sleeper
/doorEyes: Alright.
/run: GOODNIGHT, EVERYONE.
/a_hero: gn tenya kiss ochako for me
Chapter End Notes
     kirishima: y'all, y'all've, y'all're
     fatgum, wiping away a single tear: i'm so proud of him
***** Look Alive, Sunshine *****
<TEAM BAKUGOU (PLUS KAMINARI)>
/sero(p)han: how was your night
/jam-yay: i can't move
/jam-yay: i'm pretty sure i'm having a hangover
/jam-yay: can you have a hangover without getting drunk?
/murder: no
/RR: do you want me to carry you to the baths?
/jam-yay: yes please but later
/jam-yay: thank fuck i slept in tokoyami's makeshift nest or i would've left my
little bones right here
/sero(p)han: is mina awake
/RR: yeah i think she's trying to melt into hagakure's cleavage
/RR: it took me a moment to figure out bc hagakure is wearing only one sock
/sero(p)han: what does it matter how many socks shes wearing
/RR: no love she's wearing nothing but the one sock
/sero(p)han: oh
/jam-yay: babe come pick me up if i marinate in my sweat any more i'm going to
pass out again
/RR: we're in the same room why didn't you just say
/jam-yay: i can't speak
/RR: OH
/murder: do i want to know?
/murder: ???
/sero(p)han: you guys still there?
/alienQueen: yo they just dragged their asses to the baths and me and tooru are
doing the same good morning
/sero(p)han: you seem in good spirits
/alienQueen: yeah bc i know exactly how many dicks can fit in denki's mouth
/sero(p)han: how many
/alienQueen: three if you try really hard and only get the tip in
/murder: how the fuck do you manage that
/murder: like where do you put all those legs
/alienQueen: oh no these dicks didnt have any legs around them
/alienQueen: this was a shouji bang bby
/alienQueen: boy can do some great things with his quirk
/murder: gross
/alienQueen: a little
/sero(p)han: did you have fun at least
/alienQueen: very
/alienQueen: did you know midoriya can do some great things with his hips
/murder: unfortunately
/sero(p)han: i didnt know
/sero(p)han: baku you shouldve shared
/murder: i don't have to share shit
/murder: speaking of which how are you awake already
/sero(p)han: todoroki wakes up early
/alienQueen: ohohohoho you slept with todoroki, hanta?
/sero(p)han: ye
/sero(p)han: i figured it was about time
/alienQueen: do tell
/sero(p)han: i will but on one condition
/sero(p)han: katsuki has to share what he did in the locker room that time to
get denki so flustered
/murder: i fucking told you i'll tell you after i win the bet
/sero(p)han: then i guess you'll never know about my and todoroki's very fun
night together
/murder: shitfuck i just did the eating out gesture at him okay?
/alienQueen: in the locker room?
/alienQueen: surroUNDED BY OUR CLASSMATES WHO COULD ALL CLEARLY SEE YOU????
/murder: they were all looking at denki it's fine
/alienQueen: you're impossible
/alienQueen: hanta tell me about your night i'm going to shower i'll read it
once i'm done
/sero(p)han: sure but idk what you expect to see here
/murder: i expect a good reason you never came over to do homework
/sero(p)han: its fine we dont have class today
/sero(p)han: so todoroki clearly developed a temp play kink bc when i asked him
we was fucking THRILLED to get the opportunity and he did some really great
things with his hands and his mouth
/sero(p)han: and katsuki remember how my throat was super marked up yesterday
/sero(p)han: it got worse
/murder: hanta you looked like murder yesterday how the FUCK did you manage to
make it worse
/sero(p)han: oh he just choked me and switched temps in his hands
/murder: i
/murder: he what?
/sero(p)han: he choked me
/sero(p)han: i mean it didnt do much for me but he got a real kick out of it
/murder: so let me get this straight
/sero(p)han: phrasing
/murder: let me run something bi you
/sero(p)han: lets pan this out
/murder: enough with the pan puns only i'm allowed to make pan puns
/sero(p)han: thats a lie
/murder: okay but i'm banning you in particular from making another pan pun
/murder: so let me pan this out
/murder: todoroki got to do some temp play and choking shit on you and you,,,,
just let him?? even tho you weren't into that?
/sero(p)han: i mean he let me run my mouth a mile a minute so im sure were even
/murder: ugh
/RR: you dont have much room to talk katsuki
/sero(p)han: oh youre back
/RR: yeah im pretty sure iida and midoriya were fucking in the next stall over
/sero(p)han: i just told todoroki and he zoomed out so fast
/sero(p)han: im coming down to eat where are you
/jam-yay: on the couch of suffering
/RR: he's just sore
/jam-yay: VERY sore
/RR: he's just very sore
/murder: that's what you fucking get
/jam-yay: don't be jealous bc you weren't the one to suck three dicks at the
same time last night
/murder: i am in no way jealous of that bullshit
/jam-yay: yeah it was a little gross actually
/RR: katsuki come eat with us
/murder: fine
/RR: whipped
/murder: im only coming bc i trust none of you to cook a proper breakfast
/jam-yay: satou is here he can cook for us
/RR: if i'm not mistaken satou is having a quickie with shouji in one of the
study rooms
/jam-yay: fucking figures
/sero(p)han: how long have they been in there
/sero(p)han: can i make it in time to join in
/RR: no shouji just walked out and he's heading to the baths
/sero(p)han: satou?
/RR: i think he passed out
/RR: no nvm he's going to the baths too
/sero(p)han: when will i fuck satou
/RR: its okay love you'll get there
/alienQueen: denki eat my entire ass
/jam-yay: sure thing come here
/alienQueen: i meant that as an insult but maybe later
/alienQueen: i just fucked tooru in the baths and she let me show through her
so HA
/jam-yay: i think i cracked the code
/jam-yay: she only does that to people she's on first name basis with
/alienQueen: huh that actually makes sense
/murder: i'm on the last flight of stairs acid where are you
/alienQueen: let me throw something on and i'll be right out!
 
 
"Pardonne-moi, Ashido", Aoyama goes, holding his butter knife with a delicately
raised pinkie, "but qu'est ce que the  fuck  are you wearing?"
Ashido looks down. "A dress?"
"Isn't that Hagakure's?"
"Huh? Oh, right, well, Tokoyami's hogging-- oh he moved. Tokoyami was in that
nest you see over there and my clothes from last night were a part of that nest
and I'm not enough of an asshole to wake up Tokoyami, of all people. But still,
I can't stay naked all morning and I was too groggy to go up to my room before
a shower so, you know, I just made do with whatever there was in the laundry
room. Tooru was the only one who had any laundry going, though, so."
Aoyama butters his toast with a scrunched-up frown. "For crying out loud, I
cannot believe we're friends. To think you'd consider this appropriate attire!"
"Aoyama I'm in the middle of a stride of pride,  anything  is appropriate
attire. Now move over, I'm stealing your toast."
"You are not!"
"Watch me."
"I have a bunch of toast with your name on it over here", Sero says.
Ashido bounces over.
"My hero", Aoyama sighs with a nod to Sero. He eats his toast in peace.
Ashido takes a seat in Sero's lap and stuffs her face with the promised toast.
"Yo, Baku. Ice me."
Bakugou balances his coffee on one hand and opens the freezer with the other.
He throws an ice pack to Ashido. Sero is the one to catch it, since both his
arms are functional, and he sets it on Ashido's shoulder while she still eats.
"Ohhh shit", Ashido moans. "Much better." She makes a lovely little sound at
the back of her throat.
"You look a little red, Aoyama", Sero grins.
"Am not", Aoyama huffs, reddening some more.
Sero hooks his chin over Ashido's good shoulder and hums. Aoyama refuses to
make eye contact, instead focusing on his breakfast.
"What's the matter", Ashido says. "Never heard me make that sound before,
Aoyama?"
"Shut up", Aoyama says, spitefully biting into his poor toast.
Bakugou snatches up a piece of toast out of Ashido and Sero's plate and inhales
it. "Alright fucknuts what breakfast do you want."
Kaminari groans from the Couch of Suffering.
"Denki says he wants pancakes", Kirishima says.
Kaminari groans louder.
"Waffles."
Kaminari flails a hand around until he manages a weak slap to Kirishima's face.
"Donuts."
"Ei I highly doubt Denki's gonna be able to stomach any of that american
bullshit you're suggesting", Ashido says.
"He's getting miso soup", Bakugou says, and throws a bunch of rice into the
rice cooker.
Hagakure finally staggers her way out of the baths and takes a seat next to
Ashido and Sero. She picks up a piece of their toast and she's still sleepy so
everyone has to watch her bite getting chewed and swallowed until it goes down
the collar of her shirt.
Ojiro leaves Kaminari in Kirishima's trusty hands and goes to sit across
Hagakure, grabbing some cereal on the way. He pours a bowl for her too, and
when she takes her first spoonful, Ojiro points to his own throat.
"Oh", Hagakure goes, and the mess in her mouth fades out. "Sorry."
Kirishima carries Kaminari to the next table over so he's sitting near Ashido
and Sero.
Kaminari promptly faceplants on the table with a pained whine.
Kirishima hugs around Bakugou's waist and places his chin on Bakugou's
shoulder, watching him make breakfast.
"Can you chill your tits", Bakugou laughs. "You're acting like you spent the
night with me."
"Nuh-uh", Kirishima hums into Bakugou's hair. "I'm acting like I missed you
because I  didn't  spend the night with you."
"Alright, get the rice", Bakugou says, shoving Kirishima off him.
They have to virtually resurrect Kaminari in order to get him to eat, but once
he does, he looks considerably more alive. It might be that he was hungry, or
it might be that the mental delight of eating his boyfriend's home-made
breakfast outweighs the physical pain he's in.
Tokoyami and Shouji come out of the baths together.  Normally  Sero would be
all over the opportunity to tease them for it, but they're both wearing faces
of pure horror so Sero has more pressing matters to attend to.
"Whose murder did you just witness."
"That of my innocence", Tokoyami says.
"Of your what", Ashido laughs. "Were you  there  last night?"
"I was, piss off. The two can coexist. I contain multitudes."
"You do, dear", Shouji says, looking more done than anyone has any business
looking. He sits at a table and rubs the heels of his palms over his eyes.
"But whose murder  did  you witness?" Kirishima says, serving rice and miso
soup to the pair.
Shouji shakes his head, keeps his hands on his eyes. "Midoriya and Iida and
Todoroki are fucking in there."
"Oh, well that's a low blow", Kirishima says. "Me and Denki managed to avoid
the worst of it but I feel for you, buddy. I don't think I could continue life
as it was if I had to witness the class prez like that. I mean, what's next,
Kouda can curse?"
"Kouda only curses on occasion", Tokoyami says.
"Oh how the fuck would you know", Bakugou says. "You don't know sign."
"He can speak fine."
"Yeah but he  doesn't  speak unless--"
Tokoyami rests his head in his hand.
Bakugou squints at him, then at Shouji, who also has a challenging look on his
face.
This goes on for some pretty long, awkward seconds before Bakugou finally
breaks.
"Let me get this straight."
"Cough", Sero says.
Bakugou rolls his eyes. "Let me pan this out: you  are  fully aware that Kouda
can't speak without infusing his will into every single word?"
Tokoyami nods. He is very visibly trying to hide a grin.
"And you're aware that this willed speech gives him command on animals?"
Shouji sighs. "He's not an actual bird, Bakugou, and I'm not an actual
octopus."
Bakugou scrunches up his face. "Are you sure about that?"
"Pretty sure."
"You both disgust me", Bakugou says.
"Go cry about it", Tokoyami says, finally breaking into giggles.
***** You can't treat yourself like this. *****
Chapter Summary
     a quick one, for the angst lovers! have fun!!
Kirishima hears a scream from somewhere on his floor. He sits up on his bed
before it registers that the scream was too high-pitched to belong to any of
his floormates, and he should probably check it out.
He makes it out to the hall before Shouji's door busts open and a floating set
of pyjamas runs out.
Hagakure flattens herself against the wall opposite the door and inches her way
towards Kirishima. Shouji ducks out after her, and only takes a moment to
regain his balance before he notices Kirishima.
"Dude, help. Hagakure, stay here."
Hagakure nods.
Kirishima goes to the door as instructed. He blinks when he realizes that the
soft hissing sound he's hearing is coming from Dark Shadow.
"I'm gonna pull him out", Shouji says, visibly out of breath. "Make sure I
don't get my head cut off."
He doesn't wait for a reply, instead takes a stride into his room, shoves his
hand into the darkness and jerks himself and Tokoyami out into the lit hallway.
Dark Shadow gets pulled out after Tokoyami, unable to maintain his size in the
room when Tokoyami himself is under lamplight. He lashes at Shouji's hand,
still surrounded by darkness, but Kirishima is quick to stop Dark Shadow's beak
with a hardened hand. Dark Shadow weeps and shrinks until he's roughly shoved
into Tokoyami's stomach.
Shouji slowly lets go of the back of Tokoyami's shirt.
Tokoyami lies himself flat on the floor. He brings a hand up to his face.
"I can't believe-- I'm sorry, shit. I didn't--" He brings his other hand up and
rubs at his eyes with passion.
"Fumi, we're okay", Shouji says. "Just startled."
"You're not fucking okay!" Tokoyami chokes out. " I'm  not fucking okay! It's
been weeks since I even dreamed about that night, why did-- why did it have to
start up--, fuck, again? Fucking again? And you were there too!" Tokoyami
gestures at Shouji, nearly slaps him. "How the hell did--  Why  the hell did I
get that when you were  right there ? Fuck! You were fine, you're fine, why did
I get scared when I could just--" He cuts off with a growl that ends up as a
sob.
"It's alright", Shouji says. "You're allowed to get scared."
"Apparently I'm fucking not!" Tokoyami hisses. "You see what happens!"
Shouji sits down and slouches. "Yes, I see, and I also see that I'm okay, and
so is Hagakure. You can't expect yourself to not get bad dreams, Fumi."
"This wasn't a fucking bad dream", Tokoyami sobs. "It happened, I know it
happened, you know it happened, shit, I wouldn't be surprised if the whole
school knew. And it fucking sucks ass because it could happen again, at any
given time. It could've happened just now."
"But it didn't", Hagakure says. She kneels next to Shouji. "It didn't happen.
We're fine."
"It doesn't matter", Tokoyami says. He turns his head the other way. "It
doesn't matter how many times I get to walk away without blood in my hands. I
only have to mess up once."
"You did mess up once and look at me now", Shouji says. "Fumi. Fumi, look at
me."
Tokoyami turns and glares.
"Messing up isn't the end of the world. You're allowed to mess up and you're
allowed to be scared of messing up."
"Uh, yeah", Kirishima says, feeling a little awkward standing so he kneels.
"It's... it's okay. No one got hurt."
"Are you all fucking morons?" Tokoyami glares. "The only reason no one got hurt
is because Mezou can make himself extra limbs. And no, Kirishima, I don't want
to hear  you  say anything about not getting hurt."
Bakugou's door swings open.
"Someone give me a reason why I'm awake before I blow you all up to kingdom
come."
"It's nothing", Kirishima tries, waving his hands in front of him. "We're just-
- just talking, we're fine."
Bakugou scowls. "Are you angsting over your quirk again?"
Tokoyami wipes at his eyes. "Fuck off."
Shouji pulls his spine straight and - here's something funny - actually manages
to make himself tall enough to pose a threat.
Bakugou pinches the bridge of his nose. "This is exactly why I'm always
bitching at you to learn control at night."
Tokoyami chokes down another sob. "I know."
"You can't fucking call on your quirk as soon as you wake up."
"I know."
"And for the love of shit, stop relying on light."
"Katsuki shut the fuck up", Kirishima says, standing up. "This isn't training,
he was  asleep  for fuck's sake. I don't ever see you yelling  my  ear off when
I wake up and harden before I've even thought about it. Some of us actually
feel safer in our quirks, so miss me with your destructive bullshit."
"His bullshit is destructive too", Bakugou frowns. "The worse  you  can do in a
panic is tear into your mattress. The worse he can do is mass murder until
daybreak."
Kirishima muffles a frustrated scream. "How about I sleep on you next time,
huh? And then we can see if my edges kill you before my weight."
"Even your absolute worse is a single person's death", Bakugou says. "The
fucking demon can tear apart buildings. You can't compare your quirk to his."
"Neither can you!" Kirishima yells. "Dark Shadow isn't like Explosion!"
"It's not like Hardening either!"
Shouji grabs them both by the shoulder. They pause and turn to his looming
figure.
"If you're only here to argue", he says, "you can leave."
"I'm sorry", Kirishima says. "We didn't mean--"
"Stop", Tokoyami whines. He pushes himself to sit up. "Stop, guys. I'm gonna...
I'm gonna be okay."
Shouji crouches down next to him again. "Do you need me to go?"
"No, please. You know it's easier when you're there, alive and well."
Hagakure fidgets. "Do- Do you need  me  to go?"
Tokoyami wipes his eyes dry. "Yeah. Sorry."
"It's okay", she says as she stands up. "Thanks for the movies, though. Good
night."
"Good night, Hagakure", Shouji says. He gives one last glare to the other two
before he and Tokoyami go back in his room.
"Wait, Hagakure", Kirishima says. "Let me walk you."
"I'll be fine."
"Let me, though."
Hagakure sighs. She reaches up and resettles her headband. "Okay."
On the elevator up the girls' wing, Hagakure sniffs.
Kirishima does not turn to look. (There wouldn't be anything there for him to
see.)
The doors open.
Neither of them moves.
"Well", Hagakure says with a thick voice. "Thank you for this. I think I can
walk the rest of the way." Her voice breaks halfway through.
"Of course", Kirishima says. He tries for a smile.
Hagakure breaks down. She lunges at him and Kirishima irrationally keeps his
eyes to the ceiling as she wets his shirt with tears.
Eventually she can breathe again. "Thank you", she says again, punctuating with
a sniff this time.
"It's no problem", Kirishima says, wiping at his eyes. "Good night."
"Good night."
Kirishima waits for the doors to close before he talks to the walls of the
elevator. "Jirou, please go make sure she's fine. It was scary. I'm sorry we
woke you up."
It's not until he's back in his own bed that his phone buzzes.
 
/jack: you're too nice, kirishima
/jack: but thank you


Tokoyami not-so-discreetly hands Hagakure a note the next day. Hagakure shares
with the girls that it's an apology note, but doesn't let any of them read it.
When Ashido threatens to take it by force, Hagakure opens her mouth and the
note disappears into it.
***** Return of the Filth II: Rude *****
Chapter Summary
     give some love to this boy also! he deserves it the most, he's the
     lesser asshole out of all of them
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
<TEAM BAKUGOU (PLUS KAMINARI)>
/alienQueen: eifest
/murder: time and place
/sero(p)han: careful there katsuki its starting to sound like you have a
favorite
/murder: it's no secret that i'd sooner stab all three of you than get on bad
terms with ei
/murder: now name a fucking time and place
/jam-yay: a fucking
/jam-yay: time and place
/murder: i know what i said
/RR: you guys,,,,,,,,
/murder: unlike some, you get to have a say in this, ei
/sero(p)han: oh you know what its been a while since weve been in denkis room
/murder: great when
/jam-yay: wait why my room??
/jam-yay: do you know how much clutter i'll have to clear out? i haven't seen
my floor since sunday!
/alienQueen: saturday
/alienQueen: you didn't go into your room once on sunday
/murder: cease your pointless whining when are we having the ei-fest??
/RR: oh i can't tomorrow night
/RR: can we plan for maybe tonight after dinner?
/murder: deal see you fucks at dinner and then in denki's room
/murder: be there or be ready to catch these hands and the explosions they're
gonna let off
/RR: ever the romantic
/murder: i just said i'd stab them all it doesn't get more romantic than this
 
 
Bakugou is practically shaking during dinner.
"You're not being very subtle", Kirishima says.
"Fuck you."
"You will.  After  dinner."
 
 
Mina drags Eijirou onto Denki's bed and falls back into it, pulling Eijirou on
top of her.
"Wait, wait", he says, turning to the others. "Can I get like, two of you guys
in me?"
"Dibs", Katsuki and Denki say at the same time.
"Jokes on you I wanted to blow him anyway", Hanta says.
"Aw, love, really?" Eijirou says, somewhat muffled by Mina's tongue.
"Gotta get that Best Dick in my Best Mouth", Hanta laughs.
"Gotta get that Best Dick  in  me", Mina says. "Someone grab me some lube.
Love, do you have your candy red condoms?"
"I actually ran out the other day. Denki's gotta some clear ones though,
right?"
"Yup", Denki says. "Here, catch."
"Shame. Yours is the second best color for this thing", Mina says, lubing her
fingers to get herself ready.
"What's the first?"
"Magenta, obviously."
She nudges Eijirou's hips into her.
Katsuki grabs Hanta by the wrist and pulls him to the foot of the bed to make
out. Hanta pulls Denki along and stuffs him between himself and Katsuki.
"Oh god", Denki goes, surrounded by boyfriend chest on both sides. "Oh my god."
Katsuki laughs into Hanta's mouth and brings a hand down to pat at Denki's
thigh.
Eijirou finally settles enough to move, so he does. Mina starts on a hickey
just under his ear. Against his better judgement, Eijirou lets her, and it's
not until he's certain he'll lose it that he regrets it. He pulls out of her to
keep himself grounded. When Mina whines, he lifts her hips up to mouth at her.
Mina yelps and struggles with the sudden shift of her weight onto her
shoulders. She comes messy, upside-down and one of her knees nearly gives
Eijirou a black eye when he lets her down.
"Hell", she says through gritted teeth. "Shit." She rolls off the bed and onto
the floor, on the edge of the lush carpet so she can press her shoulder and
neck to the cold floor while keeping the rest of her from freezing. "Ohhh
fuck."
"Wait, shit, did I hurt your shoulder?" Eijirou asks, leaning over the side of
the bed. "I forgot. I'm sorry, love."
"It's okay, love", Mina says. "I'll just. I'm gonna tap out for tonight. You
guys can keep going, if you'd like."
Eijirou frowns. "I'm sorry."
"You can make it up to me with a massage later, okay?"
"Okay."
"Oh, good, then", Katsuki says. "I was almost starting to worry we'd have to
cancel the Ei-fest."
Mina snorts. "You know I wouldn't do that to you."
"I know", Katsuki says, and Mina can't see what he does from her spot on the
floor, but Denki screams.
Something bangs outside the room, down the hall.
"Are you fucking shitting me?" Ojiro yells down the hallway. "Will you fuckers
ever fucking warn any of us, just once? Like just fucking once, would it kill
you?" He bangs on the next door over. "Iida, you in there? No? Fucking pity not
all of us had that luck, eh Kaminari, you piece of shit?" He kicks on Denki's
locked door as he passes by. "You're all fucking dead to me in there!" He
stomps down the hallway, knocks on the last door. "Kouda, you in there? Hi, I'm
getting the hell outta dodge, come with. Hi Shouji." The last part was a little
quiet, but his yelling picks back up when he walks over to kick at Denki's door
one last time before he leaves. "This is the last fucking time, Kaminari! Next
time I'm coming in there and I'm not coming back out unless I have all your
heads on sticks, you hear me?"
"Get that stick outta your fucking ass, first!" Katsuki yells back. "And stop
fucking flattering yourself, you couldn't kill any one of us if your fucking
life depended on it!"
Ojiro punches the door, thankfully without punching through it. "It fucking
will if you don't do us the goddamn courtesy of  warning  us next time!" With
that, he stomps off, taking Kouda and Shouji with him, by the sound of it.
Mina and Denki break down in laughter first. Eijirou and Hanta follow closely
behind, and Katsuki manages to maintain a look of anger for all of three
seconds before he bursts out in laughter himself.
"At least Shouji got away", Eijirou says, pulling Katsuki away from the other
two. "Poor guy has enough bullshit to deal with, having me and Katsuki for
neighbours." He settles into Katsuki's lap and hands him some lube. "Prep me,
love."
"Oh, great", Hanta says. He drops down in front of Eijirou and switches his
condom for a new one to give some Proper Head™.
It doesn't really help that Katsuki's making Eijirou squirm around, and it
helps even less when Denki starts making out with Hanta's shoulders, then his
neck. Hanta goes to tell Denki off, but as soon as his mouth leaves Eijirou,
Denki jumps in to take his place.
"Holy shit", Eijirou says, wide eyes tearing up as he watches the two heads
between his legs. "Fuck."
Hanta has a smart comment at the tip of his tongue, but he also has Eijirou at
the tip of his tongue so he can't speak. And he forgets what he was going to
say when Denki shoves him so he can take Eijirou in his mouth.
Eijirou hardens half his face and throat.
Hanta makes eye contact with Katsuki over Eijirou's shoulder. He wraps a hand
into Denki's hair, marvels at the sound Denki makes.
"Wait wait wait wait", Eijirou gasps, trying very hard to contain his own
quirk. "Stop, I don't wanna come without you in me."
Hanta pulls Denki back by the hair. Denki positively melts. He turns and buries
his nose in the junction between Hanta's throat and shoulder.
"Lie down, baby", Hanta says lest Denki starts making out with his neck and
they stay there for another three hours.
Denki takes a moment too long to process it, so Hanta guides him to the pillow
by the hair.
Eijirou settles on Denki.
It takes a hell of a lot of time, but eventually Katsuki manages to fit in with
Denki.
Eijirou starts moving nearly immediately.
"Babe--" Katsuki chokes, "babe-- shit, Ei, you'll-- you're gonna hurt
yourself."
"I don't give a shit", Eijirou whimpers. "I can't keep edging, love, please. I
want to finish, I don't care."
Denki grabs Eijirou's face and locks his mouth on his own, moaning loudly onto
Eijirou's tongue.
Katsuki groans. "I fucking guess." He bites Eijirou's shoulder. He keeps one
hand on Eijirou's hip and moves the other down his thigh.
Eijirou screams and bites.
Denki pushes him back and covers his own mouth.
Eijirou pants, detangles himself from his boyfriends. "Love?"
Denki shakes his head and grumbles behind his hand.
"I'm sorry, love. Let me see it." He pulls at Denki's hand.
Denki sticks his tongue out. There's two deep gashes on it, and they're
bleeding profusely. His teeth are red. He might be choking on his blood.
"Fuck", Katsuki declares, as if that'll help. "Denki, come on, let's wash that
out." He drags Denki to the bathroom and closes the door behind them.
Eijirou rubs his temple with a groan. "It keeps happening."
"You're not doing it on purpose, baby", Hanta says. "Accidents happen. Unless
you  are  doing it on purpose, in which case, Denki was the wrong person to do
that on."
"I didn't... I didn't mean to hurt him. Or you, Mina, though I guess I knew
what I was doing when I hurt your shoulder, while Denki was an actual accident.
I'm sorry."
"I forgive you, love", Mina mumbles from the floor, half-asleep. "And I'm sure
Denki does, too. You know we don't hold this kind of thing against you, it was
an accident."
Katsuki and Denki make their way back onto the bed.
Denki squirms his way under Eijirou's arms and snuggles with him for a moment
before he decides to speak.
"It hurts."
"I know", Eijirou says. "I'm sorry."
"Hmm, I'll forgive you on one condition."
"What's that?"
"You let me have that blowjob Hanta offered you."
Hanta breaks into giggles. "So thirsty this late into the night! Don't I get a
say in this?"
"No", Denki says, sticking out his hurt tongue. "You get my dick, instead."
Eijirou brushes his hand through Denki's hair. He smiles at Hanta. "Go for it,
love."
Hanta gleefully does as instructed, barely waiting for Denki to situate himself
better in Eijirou's lap.
Katsuki grumbles from the foot of the bed. "Some Ei-fest this is."
"Aw, come on", Eijirou drawls. "I'm having fun, that's the point, isn't it?"
Katsuki crosses his arms. "I guess."
"The view is great from here. I'd offer you my seat, but, I really like it.
Oops."
Katsuki takes a long look at them. "Yeah."
"I can give you a handy if you'd like."
"Please."
Hanta tries to look at  that  action without getting his mouth off Denki, but
that doesn't work out very well. He settles for palming himself and redoubles
his efforts to get Denki off as messily as possible. He succeeds on the messy
part, Denki devolving into trembling and biting on his already-hurt tongue,
failing to contain the little cackles sparking static in his hair and between
his fingers clenched around the sheet.
Hanta pulls back and breathes. He licks his lips.
Katsuki catches him by the chin and kisses him.
"Mina", Eijirou murmurs, soft, satisfied, sleepy. "We're done, come up here."
Mina groans, but doesn't move.
Katsuki stands. "Her shoulder is hurt, she said, make sure to ice and move it
often, she said, don't let her sleep on it, she said, bitch didn't say anything
about sleeping on the goddamn floor, Acid, get up."
Mina makes grabby hands at him. She doesn't even open her eyes.
"The shit I put up with", Katsuki mumbles as he lifts her up and carefully lays
her on the bed, rolling her to her side so her hurt shoulder is up in the air.
He drags Denki's bean bag next to the bed, that way if someone ends up rolling
off, it won't be to their death.
Katsuki takes one look at his datemates trying to settle in Denki's bed and
figures this chaos isn't going to put itself into order.
"Okay, move over", he says, pulling Eijirou's arm. "Yes I know you're sleepy,
but you have to get on this side of Mina or she might fall off."
"First you're mad the Ei-fest wasn't so focused on me, now you want to make me
sleep at the edge of the bed. Unbelievable, Katsuki."
"Shut up, I wasn't mad. And I'm gonna be the one to sleep at the edge, I'm not
letting you fall over after a fucking Ei-fest, babe."
"So caring", Eijirou yawns, spooning Mina. "So kind."
Katsuki rubs his temple. "Alright, Hanta--"
"I'm gonna be right back, actually", Hanta says, and ducks into the bathroom
real quick. He comes back soon enough. "Okay, where do you want me?"
"Bundle up and stuff yourself in the corner between the bed and the wall. And
Denki, you're gonna be a little bit on Hanta."
"Fine by me", Denki says.
Katsuki goes to squeeze in behind Eijirou, but it turns out there isn't
actually enough space, no matter how big Denki's bed might be.
Eijirou rolls to lie on his back, taking Mina with him and laying her on top of
him. He scoots closer to Denki and pats the space he was in before. He gives a
drowsy smile.
"Thanks", Katsuki whispers into Eijirou's hair, taking the spot and giving him
a kiss.
Chapter End Notes
     im gonna make a bnha dating sim who wants to indulge my nonsense and
     come yell at me about it here in the comments/over twitter/over
     tumblr
***** Return of the Chats IV: Spare us the details. Please. *****
Chapter Summary
     i'm so sorry i've disappointed you all i didn't write thicc kiri
     anywhere
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"Alright", Iida says. "Now that we're all here, we can get started. Now I don't
want anyone leaving this room with questions, so don't hesitate to ask. And
please, let's keep this decent. I'm looking at you, Kaminari."
Kaminari pouts. "Why me? I was the one to ask you for tutoring! Do I look like
I wanna fail?"
Iida reconsiders. "You're right, and I apologise. You're here with the full
intent to learn something. So I'd like to redirect my attention to Sero, who
for some reason looks like he could care less."
Sero shrugs. "I mean, I can more or less do math. Kind of."
"I'm not saying you need the extra help, I'm asking you to keep any
inappropriate comments and actions to yourself. Failing to do so will result in
you getting kicked out of this room."
Sero laughs. "Sure thing, prez."
"Great. Now, let's all try to do the first problem by ourselves, before we
explain it step-by-step."
They get to work.
Kirishima lifts his head at one point.
Kaminari's chewing on his own hoodie cord. Kirishima hooks a finger to it and
pulls it out of his mouth. Kaminari chews on his tongue for a few seconds
before he realises there's nothing there. He picks the cord back up and puts it
in his mouth. Kirishima pulls it out again.
"What?" Kaminari says, holding the cord, waiting for an answer before he chews
on it again.
"Nothing", Kirishima says. He goes back to puzzling over the damned y variable.
Sero spares a glance in their direction, then a glance to his other side, just
to be even. He sees Aoyama startling and looking away.
Huh.
He looks at his notebook. He looks back at Aoyama. Aoyama hurries to look away
again.
Sero plants his cheek on his knuckles and grins.
When Aoyama glances again, he notices he's getting stared at and sighs. He
meets Sero's eyes.
"Hi", Sero says. "Can I help you?"
"I just--" Aoyama stutters, and Sero can't remember ever seeing that before.
"Your hair."
"My hair?"
"It's. Long, isn't it?"
"I mean I guess? It's to my shoulders, it's not like it cascades down my back
or something."
Aoyama's hand hovers between them. "Can I...?"
"Sure?" Sero sits upright.
Aoyama picks up a strand of Sero's hair, pulls it to the back of his head. He
takes a strand from each side and brings them back. He lets them go, pulls
Sero's bangs up and back instead.
"What are you doing?" Sero laughs.
"I, um." Aoyama runs a hand through his own hair. "Well."
"Okay, okay", Sero says. "You can do my hair, but no glitter, alright? And no
gel, it'll never come out."
Aoyama beams. Uh, metaphorically.
"Also don't pull on my hair too much or else  things  might happen and Iida
over there said not to."
Iida face-palms. "I don't-- no. Forget it. Just stop talking, you're
distracting the rest of us from the math."
Aoyama materialises a comb and a brush seemingly out of thin air. He stands up
and goes behind Sero's chair. He brushes Sero's hair a couple of times, then
parts it down the middle. He braids both sides into french braids, ties them
off with little black elastics. He tucks the tied-off ends under each other in
the back.
Aoyama reaches into his pocket and pulls out a glittering hairpin, uses it to
secure the braids together.
He walks around to the front and brushes Sero's bangs to the side with his
fingers.
"Oh", Aoyama tears up. "It's prettier than I'd thought it would be."
Sero pats at one braid delicately, too scared to mess it up. "Thanks, dude."
"Will you do my hair sometime?" Kirishima says.
"But you do your hair so well on your own", Aoyama says, not taking his eyes
off Sero, distracted.
"Uh", Sero goes. "Wait, shit, can we step out for a moment? I wanna do
something but class prez will be mad if I do it in here."
Aoyama flushes. "Oh. Sure."
They close the door behind them.
Iida places his glasses on the table and rubs the bridge of his nose. "I am so
tired of this."
"You didn't seem to be having problems with fucking Midoriya and Todoroki in
our shared baths", Kirishima says. "Isn't that disrespectful to the
underclassmen that'll have to use them after us, class prez?"
Iida crosses his arms on the table and buries his face in them with a groan.
 
 
<THE [FLEXING ARM EMOJI] ONES>
/tail: I'm at my wit's end I don't know what to do so know that while this is
awkward as hell to ask, it's also fucking impossible to discuss out loud
/tail: iida you might want to look away from your screen
/tail: this is inappropriate and also kinda unsanitary
/run: THANK YOU FOR THE WARNING, OJIRO! I TRULY APPRECIATE THAT.
/doorEyes: We're all looking at you, Kirishima.
/RR: shrug emoji
/sugar: did you just fucking type out the words shrug emoji
/a_hero: hey i'll monitor for tenya! i'll tell him if it's something he's
actually comfortable with, and if not, i'll tell him when he can look again
/tail: thank you
/tail: so uh
/tail: this is girl troubles actually
/sugar: you were present for all of my experience with girls
/tail: huh
/tail: wait is tooru the only girl youve ever slept with
/sugar: i mean i guess i could count ashido regarding the shouji bang but i
didnt really
/sugar: do stuff with her????
/sugar: so yeah
/RR: lol mina also isn't sure if she should count you for that
/a_hero: i
/a_hero: i technically have more girlfriends - by proxy - than anyone here, so
feel free to ask away, ojiro?
/a_hero: i mean i have two girlfriends, um
/RR: its okay take your time
/a_hero: its complicated
/a_hero: but at the same time its not
/RR: i get it
/doorEyes: I also understand your relationship situation, Midoriya.
/tail: I'm a little confuse actually
/tail: so, tsuyu?
/a_hero: a lesbian, also isn't dating me, also is my girlfriend's girlfriend so
i've slept with her, and also kinda my platonic girlfriend
/doorEyes: Well, when you put it like that, it does sound more complicated than
it is.
/a_hero: just
/a_hero: i have the most experience with maintaining a relationship with a girl
/a_hero: i think i might be the most help, without excluding kirishima of
course
/RR: thank you i try
/a_hero: are you kidding? you and ashido have an impressively stable dynamic!
/RR: awww
/doorEyes: By that logic, I'm not going to be help at all. I've never had a
girlfriend in my life.
/sugar: dont worry bro neither have i
/sugar: wont hurt to try and help tho!
/doorEyes: Ojiro, what's troubling you?
/tail: okay so um
/tail: tooru, right? she's invisible
/doorEyes: Go on.
/RR: you're doing great honey
/tail: uh
/tail: theres really no good way to phrase this
/sugar: it's okay buddy we've all slept with each other
/sugar: AND hagakure
/sugar: wow that shouji bang was way more productive than i thought it would've
been
/tail: can I
/tail: I mean is it physically possible for me
/tail: to earn my red wings?
/sugar: i dont know what that means
/RR: the phrase itself means eating your boo out while they're on their period,
but i think ojiro's asking about a technicality
/sugar: arent. periods dead cells. that the body discharges.
/tail: yes thats why I told iida to look away
/sugar: sorry i need a moment
/a_hero: how does hagakure even know when she's menstruating, if she can't see
her blood? does she get cramps? is she just really in tune with her body and
just Knows? ochako sometimes just Knows but usually she can only tell bc of the
blood, and tsuyu doesn't really talk about that with me so
/tail: cramps, actually
/tail: also the feeling of bleeding
/a_hero: oh of course
/a_hero: i think you can earn your red wings ojiro!
/tail: I kinda wanna ask but im not sure if I should
/a_hero: ask what?
/tail: have you
/a_hero: OH
/a_hero: um no, i havent, ochako gets really out of the mood during that time,
and like i said tsuyu doesnt really care about involving me with that stuff
/RR: huh
/tail: uh
/a_hero: uh
/RR: yes go on
/a_hero: kirishima have you
/RR: do you know what my hero name is
/RR: who do you think youre talking to
/tail: is ashido's blood even red??
/RR: yeah actually its only her skin thats changed color
/RR: and i actually like earning my red wings
/sugar: you mean like more than once???
/RR: yeah buddy
/RR: bonus points for helping her with the cramps!! anything to ease her pain
/tail: right??? and like i thought about asking tooru but i'm not sure if red
wings is the right way to phrase it??
/RR: as supreme authority of all things red i assure you this is the best way
to phrase it
/tail: okay
/tail: okay
/tail: okay
/tail: thanks
/RR: happy to help and also happy to get my friends laid
 
 
Bakugou kicks his leg up over the side of the couch. He has Kirishima to rest
his back on, so it's fine.
Kaminari steps out of the elevator. "Okay people I need a dick in my mouth
who's gonna volunteer?"
Shouji face-palms. "Is there any way to convince any of you  not  to do that?"
"Absolutely not", Kaminari says. He grabs Sero by the wrist and drags him back
into the elevator.
Everyone in the common room watches in horror as the elevator is stopped
between the second and third floor. Nine minutes later it gets moving again,
comes back down to the first floor.
Sero and Kaminari step out.
"Nine minutes", Jirou announces, stopping the timer on her phone. "That's gotta
be a record."
"Joke's on you I can finish Ei in forty seconds flat", Kaminari says, sticking
his tongue out.
Jirou fights tooth and nail not to collapse into uncontrollable laughter. "Why
Kirishima?"
"Well, I have to use my quirk to do it and Eijirou can take it, so." Kaminari
shrugs. "I can probably do Tetsu faster, now that I think about it."
"Oh, hold up", Kirishima says, not looking up from his phone. "Speak of the
devil."
Bakugou leans his head back, mostly manages to block the screen without seeing
anything. "What is it?"
"I've been waiting for Tetsu's text, welp. Now I gotta go." Kirishima stands
up, and Bakugou falls without the support.
"Where are you going?"
"To fuck Tetsu. Oh, you want in, Katsuki?"
Bakugou blinks. "Sure?"
Kirishima rests his hip against the back of the couch as he shoots another
text. "Okay, Tetsu's in. He did threaten to bite your face off, though."
"He can fucking try."
Kirishima bounces on the balls of his feet. "Don't be an ass, Katsuki, this is
like my third biggest wish coming true. My dream threesome. At least, one of my
dream threesomes."
Uraraka takes a deep breath.
Bakugou squints at her. "Don't--"
"Between a rock and a hard place!" she yells.
Kirishima has to drag Bakugou out kicking and screaming.
 
 
They return with Kirishima supporting most of Bakugou's weight, and honestly no
one can even tease them about it, because Bakugou is pale and shaky and has so
many bitemarks glaring bright red that's it's a wonder he hasn't passed out
already. But maybe he did, and they just didn't see it. He isn't actively
bleeding, after all, so Bakugou must've at least rested long enough for the
bleeding to stop.
Still, it's a little absurd to see him so injured while he's wearing such a
wide grin. It prompts the same confusion as seeing him rage over taking first
place at the sports festival did.
 
 
"So, Ei."
"Denki."
"Do you like. Have a list of dream threesomes, or...?"
"Well, Katsuki and Tetsu was one."
"Was?"
"It happened. It's not a dream anymore."
"Ohhh makes sense."
"So now I have Katsuki and Midoriya, but that looks like it's gonna be a tough
one."
"Ouch yeah good luck with that one."
 
 
<WHO RUN THE WORLD?>
/gravitea: mina hun
/alienQueen: ochako hun
/gravitea: do you know how to give a boobjob??
/jack: what did you just make me read with my own two eyes
/gravitea: hush
/alienQueen: yeah i do
/gravitea: can you give me any tips??
/alienQueen: pick a boy and i can demonstrate
/momore: Must this happen on the group chat?
/gravitea: yes bc i value all you guys' opinions
/gravitea: mina i'm gonna need you to use words
/alienQueen: fine be boring like that >:T
/alienQueen: okay so you gotta lube up your chest which sounds super awkward
but just imagine literally anyone with their chest slick and shiny
/jack: suddenly you have my attention
/gravitea: go on
/alienQueen: also you gotta hold your girls together so there enough friction
between them
/alienQueen: dick and angle depending you may even be able to mouth at your boo
on the up movement
/alienQueen: speaking of which are we targeting a specific boo of yours or is
this a hypothetical scenario?
/gravitea: i dont have to tell you that
/alienQueen: iida then
/gravitea: mina!
/alienQueen: will it make you feel better if i tell you katsuki's the only one
of my boos who can consistently get far enough for me to mouth at him?
/gravitea: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, that does make me feel better but,,, for another
reason,,,,,,
/alienQueen: no that was the reason
/gravitea: oh
/gravitea: i don't think bakugou'll agree to a threesome
/alienQueen: he's a big softie on the inside he'll agree eventually just give
him time
 
 
Satou scratches his head. "You with us?"
Kaminari takes the power bank cord out of his mouth. "Yeah, man. I'm just
charging up some extra."
"So, uh... what's it like, when you get brain-fried?"
"I don't really-- it's the opposite, actually. I don't fry my brain, it's more
like... more like I undercook it, so it can't work as well as it should."
Satou blinks. "Huh?"
"Like, I discharge all my electricity, right? That's my quirk - storing and
discharging electricity. And I can push myself to discharge some of the
electricity I haven't stored, which is the electricity that my brain needs to
work. I can't really push out all of it, though, it's kinda like trying to hold
your breath until you die - your own survival instincts will keep you from
hurting yourself."
"That's fancy", Satou says. "When I dumb up because of my quirk, it's because
it simply takes that much energy to buff up that much, so I'm depleted
afterwards."
Kaminari nods. "Huh, that's pretty close. So how do you feel when that
happens?"
"Sleepy? Tired. Thirsty, sometimes, but rarely hungry. It kinda gives me this--
" Satou gestures around his head with both hands "--this feeling, like I've
just read a really boring book, or like I'm watching a movie late at night, but
I've watched it a million times already so I know how it ends."
Kaminari hums. "Like you could really go for a nap, huh?"
"Yes, perfect. What about you?"
"For me, it's more like I'm just really out of it. I lose higher brain
functions, I mean... I can't talk or understand speech or even think in actual
words and stuff. I know when I know people, but I can't recognize or name them
or anything. Places are harder, like, it took me a few weeks to learn all of
you here, but it was closer to three months to learn to recognize what the gym
looks like."
"Oh, so you need to be familiar to know us."
"Yes, exactly! And it's easier to learn people than places, so while you guys
make me feel safe, I'm often lost."
Satou puts a hand on his chest. "Aw, we make you feel safe?"
"Of course", Kaminari giggles. "I trust you guys."
 
 
<TEAM BAKUGOU (PLUS KAMINARI)>
/sero(p)han: id like to thank denki for hooking a bro up
/jam-yay: anything for you bby <3
/murder: what did you do now
/jam-yay: i hooked hanta up with satou
/sero(p)han: what a good lay honestly
/murder: is he better than me
/sero(p)han: of course not no one is better than you
/RR: yes hello i can confirm that
/alienQueen: i've only really seen satou in sexy times during the shouji bang
so i'm not qualified to confirm oops
/murder: fine
/sero(p)han: its just ahhhhhhh hes so good you guys
/RR: right??
/jam-yay: idk my dudes should i go for it?
/sero(p)han: absolutely
/sero(p)han: i mean goddamn
/murder: ugh
/alienQueen: i'll have to side with baku on this one
/murder: what is even so great about him
/sero(p)han: him big
/murder: piss off
/sero(p)han: no for real tho have you seen his mouth
/RR: yes also that
/RR: he looks so GOOD
/sero(p)han: plus i can call him sugar and thats funny and cute
/RR: sugar daddy**
/sero(p)han: you know what ei go fuck yourself
Chapter End Notes
     we're almost there dudes!! just a couple more chapters!!
***** Winner Takes All *****
Chapter Summary
     ;)))))))
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
<WE'RE NOT USING ACID AS LUBE>
/alienQueen: i was gonna start a normal conversation but i just came face to
face with that chat name and now i cant stop laughing
/RR: oh wow yeah
/RR: has it been that long since we texted each other?
/alienQueen: i mean i guess
/alienQueen: tbh i like talking where the others can read it more
/RR: so why this chat, then?
/alienQueen: right
/alienQueen: ahem
/alienQueen: boy
/RR: you're doing great take your time
/alienQueen: shut up im trying to set the mood
/RR: just tell me what you want the mood to be
/alienQueen: sexy but also like i just beat you at monopoly
/RR: sorry i already had a hatefuck this week i can't repeat that
/alienQueen: shit you rite that's not the mood
/alienQueen: the mood is sexy but like i beat you at ddr
/RR: now this is some mood!!
/RR: was it a drawn out ddr battle to the death? like are we tired and sweaty
and panting and stuff?
/alienQueen: we're panting a little but we're just getting started because
/alienQueen: get this
/alienQueen sent [12.jpg]
/RR: o
/RR: oh shit
/RR: i just dropped my phone three times fuck
/RR: shit uh
/alienQueen: you look like you have questions
/RR: yeah several
/alienQueen: go ahead :)
/RR: how
/RR: how big is it?
/RR: like can you get it next to something
/alienQueen: it's not that big you fucking size queen
/alienQueen sent [12withHAND.jpg]
/RR: can you please warn me i just dropped my phone again
/alienQueen: hmmm
/alienQueen: no, i don't think so :)
/RR: MINA
/alienQueen sent [what.jpg]
/RR: IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS
/alienQueen: does it look like some cool and hip belt???
/alienQueen: of course it's what you think it is
/alienQueen: im not messing around, love
/RR: fuck
/RR: shit okay s hit
/RR: wha t do you wnat me to do??
/alienQueen: well first of all i need those red condoms
/RR: i hav ethem
/alienQueen: also i need a nude
/RR sent [please.jpg]
/alienQueen: perfect!
/alienQueen: now i just need you to get to my room and bring the condoms with
you
/RR: im runn ign so fsat
/alienQueen: i'll wait ;)))
 
 
Kirishima runs down the stairs so fast he damn near flies. On the way up the
girls' wing, he trips into Midoriya.
"Kirishima? Sorry, are you okay? Wait, where are you going?"
"I have to go!" Kirishima calls over his shoulder. "I have a bet to lose!"
Midoriya frowns in confusion.
 
 
Ashido hears an insistent bang on her door.
"Oh, who's there?" she calls.
"You fucking know who it is!" Kirishima says, banging some more. "Open up!"
"Hmm, I don't know. What's the password?"
"Fuck you!"
"Nope, wrong password."
"Shit-- Open sesame. Open says me. Mina I love you. Please. Merciless. Cupcake.
Osteoporosis."
"None of those things are anywhere near the password."
"Mina I'm dying out here, give me a hint."
Ashido does her level best to contain her laughter. "What did Katsuki do for
you to keep you from letting us win the bet?"
"Tetsutetsu? Iron. Steel. Wait, I got it, mincemeat."
Ashido opens the door. "It was mincemeat."
Kirishima tackles her to the ground. Thankfully he manages to put his arms
around her so his quirk takes most of the fall. "Please please please fuck me."
Ashido laughs. "I'd love to! Let's get on the bed, though."
Kirishima flings both of them to the bed. He goes back to close and lock the
door, then jumps back on the bed.
"Okay", Ashido says, hands behind her back. "Here it is!" She brings her hands
forward and presents the toy.
Kirishima covers his mouth, but not in time to hide his yelp. "Oh I am so
gone."
"Here", Ashido says, offering the dick in her hands.
Kirishima takes it with the same care he'd use to handle something explosive.
"Don't be scared of it", Ashido says. "It's just a toy."
"I just", Kirishima says. He wraps his hands around it, measures it between
them, runs his fingers around it. "I've never really held one before, I'm a
little scared, but also excited? Is that weird?"
"I don't think so", Ashido says, pulling off her shirt. "I feel the same way. I
hadn't held one before today either."
"So wait, how did you get it in the dorms?"
"Midnight was actually supportive. In fact she dumped a bunch of lube on me.
Look." Ashido stretches behind the bed and pulls out a plastic bag. She holds
it open for Kirishima to see.
"How many bottles are there in here?"
"I don't know, I haven't counted them. I was a little more concerned with
figuring out how the belt works and then texting you as soon as I could."
"Oh yeah, where is the belt? You had it on in the picture."
Ashido reaches behind her back and presents the harness. "There it is! I can't
really strip while wearing it."
Kirishima drops the toy to his lap and starts messing with the harness. "This
looks unnecessarily complicated."
"Maybe, but at least you look comfortable with the toy now."
Kirishima looks at his lap, as if he'd forgotten it was there. "Huh. You're
right." He takes his shirt off.
"I think I'm gonna name it."
"The toy?"
"Well, yeah, I can't keep calling it the toy and I can't call it the dick,
there's a lot of dicks around here."
Kirishima hums, taking off his pants. "Okay, but I'm not using it if you name
it after a real person."
"Oh well that's a bummer, I was totally going to name a sex toy after a real,
actual person, Ei, great idea."
Kirishima shrugs. He puts a hand to the back of her neck and kisses her. His
other hand goes to fumble with her bra clasp, knowing full well that he can't
undo it, much less one-handed.
Ashido does it for him. She stands to take her pants and underwear off.
"I'm gonna name it twelve."
"Sounds appropriate", Kirishima says. "Come here." He turns and lies into
Ashido's pillows, pulling her down on him.
After a good, solid makeout session, Ashido manages to unstick herself from
Kirishima and grab the newly-named toy.
"Okay", she says. "I... I kinda wanna do the honors myself."
Kirishima absolutely beams. "Go for it."
Ashido laughs. She gets twelve in one of Kirishima's bright red condoms and
pours approximately half a bottle of lube on it.
She gives it a lick.
"Oh my holy absolute fuck", Kirishima swears. He bites his lip.
Ashido laughs. She fingers herself, gauging twelve's size. "You should start
getting ready too, love."
"Right", Kirishima says, but doesn't move.
"If you don't do it now, you're gonna miss out later."
That seems to stir Kirishima into action, and he makes quick work of the rest
of the bottle of lube. Thank god they have so many more in easy reach.
Ashido settles her weight on her ankles and eases the toy in her. She
completely fails to muffle any of the noise that comes out of her mouth.
"Shit", Kirishima swallows. "Shit, you look so good, love."
Ashido gives a single breathy laugh. "You think?"
"Oh, yeah." He pulls his fingers out of himself, cleans his hand off. "I could
watch you forever."
Ashido takes a deep breath. She replaces the condom on twelve with a new one
and throws it to Kirishima. "Your turn."
Kirishima just lies there awkwardly holding the toy as he watches Ashido battle
with the harness. Eventually she wins, and Kirishima remembers he has a dick in
his hands.
"How d--" is all he can get himself to say. "I-- do-- wh--"
"Here", Ashido says, attaching twelve onto her harness. "It's not that hard to
get it on and off."
Kirishima doesn't seem to be listening. He's staring really hard.
Ashido wiggles her hips side to side. "Like what you see?"
Kirishima nods.
"Wanna know how it feels?"
"God, please."
Ashido lines up. "Ready?"
"Yes, please, fuck."
She thrusts.
Kirishima squirms, bowing his head, touching his forehead to Ashido's.
"You look good, too", she says, moving slowly, trying to get used to the
movement she's supposed to be doing. "Am I doing this right, by the way?"
"A little-- a little too flat. You'll get it, don't worry. It feels so good,
Mina."
She mouths at his jaw. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. It's so good, so good, fuck, I'm close."
"Anytime", she giggles low as she wraps a hand around him to help him finish
off. "You have to eat me out after, okay?"
"Shit-- yeah, of course, anything. Fuck, it feels so good. You're doing great."
"You're doing great too", she says.
Kirishima rolls his head to the side and comes in her hand.
She slips out, cleans her hand, takes off the harness, gets the condom off
twelve, makes sure Kirishima is out of his fucked-out bliss before she sits on
his face.
He finishes her fast and clean.
They take turns showering quickly, clean everything up, and finally settle into
Ashido's bed for a nap before dinner.
 
 
<TEAM BAKUGOU (PLUS KAMINARI)>
/alienQueen: a4/4 losers
/murder: what the fuck did you just
/RR: can confirm
/murder: im never trusting you with anything ever again
/RR: nope! this was within the rules, you can still trust me
/RR: you did me a 9, she did me a 12
/jam-yay: wait a seCOND
/murder: she what
/sero(p)han: you have my attention
/alienQueen: i demand that the chat be renamed mina and her boys
/sero(p)han changed the group chat's name to <MINA AND HER BOYS>
/alienQueen: excellent
/murder: and yall dare to call ME whipped
/RR: i dunno i think hanta's in the right here
/jam-yay: can we go back to the 12 please elaborate???
/alienQueen: you each get a guess
/jam-yay: did you manage to sneak a sex toy in the dorms?????
/alienQueen: close!
/murder: was it more than one or did you not sneak it in
/alienQueen: you only get one guess baku, pick one
/murder: fine did you not sneak it in?
/alienQueen: yes
/alienQueen: hanta it's up to you to get as many details as you can with your
guess choose wisely
/sero(p)han: im gonna guess you got a strapon and sexted ei about it to get the
nude and then fucked eis lights out
/sero(p)han: my second guess would be that you cybered him after you got the
nude but why would you not get a stapon if you had the opportunity
/alienQueen: your first guess was right
/sero(p)han: mina i love you with all my heart i love your smile and i love
your jokes and i love the way your waist to hip ratio works high waisted skirts
and it would be my honor and privilege if you would only consider fucking me
the fuck up with your new toy
/alienQueen: i'm breaking up with everyone else hanta is the true catch
/sero(p)han: really?
/aienQueen: well no i'm not gonna break up with them but i am going to fuck you
/sero(p)han: YES
/sero(p)han: I COULD JUST FUCKING KISS YOU RIGHT NOW
/sero(p)han: fuck i love you so much
/sero(p)han: im not even upset i lost these 70k yen
/alienQueen: hold up how much???
/sero(p)han: 70 000 yen
/jam-yay: fucking when??
/sero(p)han: well katsuki got 15 on himself after the testutetsu thing
/sero(p)han: and the general studies purple kid midoriya hangs out with bet 10
on mina
/sero(p)han: now that i think about it he mustve known something
/jam-yay: wait, who? which kid??
/sero(p)han: shinsou
/jam-yay: shinsou bet 10 on mina???
/jam-yay: mina didn't bet 10 on herself!! fucker must've known something for
sure
/murder: who else bet what
/sero(p)han: lets see
/sero(p)han: midoriya, tokoyami and satou each bet 2 on ei
/sero(p)han: tetsutetsu also bet 5 on ei
/RR: aw i got his hopes up
/sero(p)han: mina got 5 from herself 2 from uraraka 5 from hagakure 10 from
shinsou 4 from aoyama
/alienQueen: wait aoyama bet on me??
/sero(p)han: yeah
/alienQueen: i
/alienQueen: i don't know how to feel
/alienQueen: i feel like i owe him flowers or something now
/sero(p)han: well you owe him part of your winnings so id call that even
/jam-yay: did anyone bet on me?
/sero(p)han: still only the 1 from jiro
/sero(p)han: and the 2 you had on yourself of course
/jam-yay: i'm not even all that surprised tbh
/jam-yay: i'm actually a little honored she kept it on me
/sero(p)han: i think she just forgot she had given me her money
/jam-yay: figures
/sero(p)han: katsuki had 1 from tsuyu
/murder: wait that's all?
/sero(p)han: shouji had 2 on you early on but he changed his mind
/sero(p)han: i think he mustve overheard us or something because he put 4 on me
/sero(p)han: i also had 4 from todoroki
/sero(p)han: and plus what we each had on ourselves that's 70k
/murder: well shit
/alienQueen: i'm filthy rich boys
/alienQueen: what do i owe to whoever bet on me?
/sero(p)han: you could either give them back double of what they bet
/sero(p)han: or divide all the money by five since you had four people bet on
you
/murder: that's 28 on the first option and 12 on the second
/murder: i say go for the first or shinsou might come after you for getting 12
after he bet 10
/alienQueen: yeah let's do the first one
/sero(p)han: ok do you want me to hand it out or do you want to do that
yourself
/alienQueen: myself. i wanna see the look on people's faces when i pay them
back for trusting in me
Chapter End Notes
     the bet is over, but the fic is not! there's still some things to
     do!!
***** Epilogue I: Making It Rain *****
Chapter Summary
     sugar buddy, like a sugar daddy except you're friends
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Ashido is lying over Kirishima's and Sero's laps on the couch when Aoyama walks
in and she remembers.
"Oh, right. Hanta, give me the bet money", she whispers.
Sero empties the bet pocket in his wallet. Ashido stuffs the cash directly into
her bra.
She jumps up off her boys and strikes a pose, raising her eyebrows at Aoyama.
Aoyama's radar picks it up and he turns around with a flourish.
They stare at each other for a hot minute, striking poses that grow
continuously more ridiculous. Aoyama dances his way over to the couches, and
Ashido responds by kicking her leg up behind her, missing Kirishima's thigh by
a hair.
Aoyama does the splits on the coffee table.
"Ow!" Kirishima whimpers, hand flying to his own crotch in solidarity. "Aoyama
what the hell, how are you so flexible?" He averts his eyes and covers them
with his free hand. "I can't even look at you, oh my god."
Ashido picks Aoyama up under his arms and lifts him up over her head. They spin
twice before she puts him down and finally speaks.
"Do you remember the bet me and mine had going?"
"The one about the sexting?"
"Yes. I won."
Aoyama gasps and immediately tears up. "My dear, I'm so proud of you! I knew
you could do it!"
"I know, I wanna pay back your money."
Aoyama flips his bangs. "The taste of victory is reward enough."
Ashido shrugs. "Oh well, more for me I guess."
Aoyama glares at her, which is extra creepy for his smile and the tear tracks
down his cheeks. "Yes, I need nothing more than the knowledge that I was right
to believe in you, dear Ashido."
Ashido giggles. She pulls four two-thousands out of her cleavage and hands them
over.
Aoyama snatches them up with zero hesitation, lifts his shirt, and stuffs them
into his belt. He straightens his shirt out and gives a dramatic bow that
Ashido returns.
They engage in another staredown that's accompanied by shoulder shimmies until
they eventually twirl at the same time and go back to whatever they were doing
before.
Ashido lies down on Sero and Kirishima.
Sero rubs the bridge of his nose. "Was all that necessary?"
"Every last bit."
 
 
Ashido runs late into the gym, picks up Hagakure and swing dips her.
"Kiss me, hun", she says.
Hagakure grabs onto Ashido's shoulders for dear life and gives her a kiss.
"What's up?"
Ashido lets her down. She zips her gym jacket down enough to reach into her bra
and pull out two five-thousand bills. "I won the bet. Thanks for trusting in me
and my sexting skills."
Hagakure yelps and grabs the money. "Mina we're rich!"
"We are!"
"Woohoo! Wait-- who else bet on you?"
"Will you believe me if I tell you my highest bidder was from general studies?"
"No."
"Then Ochako also bet on me. I should go give her her money."
Uraraka slides over. "Hi I heard something about money?"
Ashido offers two twos from her still-open jacket. "I won the bet, hun."
Uraraka punches the air and pockets her winnings. "This is getting me some
fancy candy."
"Oh, here, hun", Hagakure says, handing Uraraka one of her fives. "On me."
Uraraka pockets the five without hesitation.
"Okay great", Ashido says. "Now I only have to find Shinsou."
Uraraka blinks. "Um, you didn't hear this from me, but Deku's having Shinsou
over tonight."
Ashido kisses her. "Thanks hun, you're the best."
 
 
Ashido knocks with all her might. "Boy am I interrupting something", she
screams. "I sure do wonder where my  good friend  and  dear classmate  Midoriya
is, and if he could be so kind as to open this door!"
Shinsou opens Midoriya's door. "You owe me money", he says.
Ashido clutches her pearls. "I beg your pardon, kind sir! Whatever gave you
that idea?"
Midoriya audibly rolls his eyes from inside. "Shinsou for the love of-- invite
her in, don't be an ass."
"I think the fuck not", Shinsou says over his shoulder. When he turns back to
Ashido he has a hand open and waiting.
"Fine", Ashido says. She reaches down her shirt and hands over two ten-
thousands. She jerks them back before Shinsou can take them. "But first, you
have to tell me why you bet this much money on me. Do you know something that I
don't?"
Shinsou gives a single, joyless giggle. "Oh please, who would  you  have bet
on? The plain one? The world's rudest asshole? Kirishima the Most Whipped? Or
Kaminari, who you started the whole bet over?"
"I bet on Kirishima", Midoriya says, coming up behind Shinsou with a pout.
"He's very sweet and charming, he could've won."
"But he didn't", Shinsou says, "because he's fucking weak as hell for all his
partners, even I can see that, and I've never held a single conversation with
him. You got blinded because he's your friend, Midoriya."
Midoriya grumbles. "I guess." He makes eye contact with Ashido. "Oh, do you
need something else? You can come in if you want..."
Shinsou glances between the two of them with a grin. "Are you not even going to
ask me before you invite a third person?"
"Wh-- no, I didn't mean-- I meant like, if she wanted to talk or something-- oh
my god, stop looking at me like that!"
"I'll have to decline the offer", Ashido says, barely managing to remain
standing through her laughter. "I have to go do a thing for Hanta."
"Oh, did you win the bet with a toy or something?" Shinsou asks.
Ashido escapes via diversion, which is to say, she screams and runs for the
stairs as fast as she can.
 
 
Ashido is lowkey scared to set her plan into motion while Shinsou's in the
building, so she puts it off for the next day.
Shinsou is there the next day too. He's doing it on purpose, she can tell
because he keeps looking between her and Sero with a shit-eating grin.
Finally she resigns. She glares daggers at him until he decides to humor her
and pretend to look elsewhere.
Ashido reaches over Kaminari's shoulders and gets her hand into Sero's hair.
"Hanta."
"Mina", he says, not looking up from his phone.
She tugs on his hair.
He blinks, and he turns to look.
She winks.
"Oh", he goes. "Wait, right now?"
Ashido shrugs. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Sero puzzles over her behaviour for all of three seconds before he figures it
out. "Okay, what do you want me to say?"
"For starters I want you to convince Katsuki to tell us what he told Eijirou
that one time to get him so worked up."
"Oh, right!" Sero lights up. "The bet is over! Katsuki, you have to share."
Bakugou groans. "Are you sure here and now is how you want to find out?"
"Oh shit please don't", Kirishima says, growing red. "I mean, shit, I don't
think anyone will blame me for reacting the way I did, I'm more worried
someone's gonna whisk you away after hearing you say that."
Bakugou rolls his eyes. "Like any of these fuckers can take me on."
Shinsou grins. "Is that a challenge?"
Bakugou flips him off with both hands.
"Aw, that's cute", Shinsou laughs. "I didn't know cared enough to find out how
my quirk works. I would've bought you some chocolate if I'd known. Or is it
that you're so obsessed with Midoriya that you look into everyone he fights?"
Midoriya goes to protest from under Shinsou's arm, but Shinsou tugs him closer
so he doesn't.
Bakugou tells Shinsou off in sign. Or, at least, he begins to, before his hands
slowly still and his face falls flat.
Midoriya yelps. He slaps Shinsou's thigh. "Shinsou! You can't just do that!"
"Funny, I just did", Shinsou laughs. He turns to Bakugou. "I am your god now.
You will do literally anything I tell you."
Kirishima slaps his hands together. "Please please please don't make him say
the thing in front of everyone!"
Shinsou laughs. "And why not?"
"Because I asked you and I'm Midoriya's friend so you have to care about my
feelings", Kirishima says, but then his face falls flat, too.
Midoriya grabs Shinsou by the neck and shakes him. "Dude let them go. I'm
asking you as your friend, let them go."
Shinsou grabs his arms to still him. "Why should I?"
Midoriya frowns. "Ochako!" he calls.
Shinsou blinks. "Huh?"
Uraraka bursts out of the girls' laundry room and runs at them at mach 7. She
jumps up off the ground and roundhouse kicks Shinsou across the face.
"You messing with my Deku?" she yells at him. "Are you messing with my Deku,
punk? I will slaughter you."
Shinsou makes a frightened whine, clutching his jaw. He blinks and Bakugou and
Kirishima both take a unified deep breath. Bakugou uses this large supply of
oxygen to join Uraraka in yelling. Actually, he has to yell a little louder to
be even with her, because she's hovering above Shinsou as she screams his ear
off.
Kirishima and Midoriya exchange an understanding glance.
"Okay, Ochako, that's enough, thank your for your help", Midoriya says,
standing up on the couch so he can reach Uraraka and pull her down.
Kirishima puts Bakugou in a headlock and hardens both arms. "Chill out", he
says.
"Fuck you", Bakugou spits, but stops kicking and screaming.
Uraraka spares Shinsou a glance. "So what was this all about?"
"I like how you're always ready to throw down, hun", Ashido says. "Just because
Midoriya yelled for you."
Uraraka shrugs. "Listen, I know how Shinsou's quirk works, so if Deku can't
speak much for fear of accidentally activating it, I'm happy to be there and do
the heavy lifting for him. Pun intended."
Shinsou frowns. "Wait." He looks at Midoriya, at Bakugou. "Wait, hold on.
Bakugou, do you know  exactly  how my quirk works?"
Bakugou only glares.
"I'm not gonna-- oh for the love of shit." Shinsou turns to Kirishima. "You can
break someone out of my brainwashed state by giving them a good shove.
Sometimes a slap will be enough." He turns back to Bakugou. "How much do you
know about my quirk?"
Bakugou exchanges a glance with Kirishima. "I know that it's activated when
someone answers your question."
"Yes", Shinsou says, nodding like he himself is trying to understand that.
"Yes, I can activate it when I hear you answering my question. The way I
understand it-- the way I understood it until just now - I have to hear your
voluntary response to me, and that triggers the ability to forcibly make you
respond to me. But - just now - I didn't hear you answer, Bakugou. You used
sign - I don't know sign, I have no idea what you said."
Midoriya puts a hand to his chin. "Huh. That is pretty strange, but sometimes
it's hard to figure out the exact schematics of a quirk. Shinsou, you've said
your quirk doesn't work over written text, right?"
"Yeah, it doesn't. It does work over the phone, though."
Midoriya covers his mouth and descends into a state of incomprehensible
muttering.
"Could it be that you don't actually have to hear the response to activate it?"
Kaminari says. "Maybe you just need to know that there's a response at all."
"That could be it", Midoriya says, pointing to Kaminari. "Here, Shinsou, try it
on me."
Shinsou blinks. "Uh, what's your favorite color?"
Red , Midoriya signs. His smile drops.
Shinsou furrows his brows and Midoriya shakes his head out. "Answer without
words this time. What time is it?"
Midoriya shrugs.
"Okay, this time, don't answer at all. Do you know Present Mic's first name?"
Two seconds pass before Midoriya speaks. "It felt like... like you almost had
me, but then you let me go."
Shinsou messes up his mess of hair. "Yeah it felt that way from my end too.
Let's try again, don't answer. Does your hand hurt?"
Midoriya gives a very slow blink. "Nope, nothing."
Shinsou rubs the back of his neck. "Damn. I get the feeling like I can almost
control you by simply getting you to think the answer, even if you have no
intention of giving it."
"That could be something you can achieve if you train", Midoriya mumbles into
his hand. "Making someone think what you want them to think is also somewhat
like the neural connection created by having them answer your questions.
Though, maybe in that case you'll need to ask questions you know the answer to,
that way you're really making them think about what you want them to think.
It's like saying 'don't think about elephants', of course they're gonna think
about elephants when you mention it." He lifts his head up to look at Shinsou.
"Maybe you can get your quirk to work by telling people not to think about
elephants."
"That's... impressive, Midoriya", Kirishima says, "if a little creepy. I
haven't seen you nerd out over quirks in a while."
Midoriya shrugs. "That's your own fault, I was nerding out over quirks just a
couple of hours ago."
"Oh, yeah", Uraraka says with a frown. "That was tiring to watch."
"But you should still try to nullify some liquid's gravity", Midoriya says.
"Just think about it!"
"I give", Kirishima whines. "Please, no more, my head is starting to spin.
Katsuki just tell them the thing, anything to end this."
Midoriya crosses his arms. "It's not that difficult."
"It is when you're stupid like us", Kaminari says, "Now hush. Spill that tea,
Katsuki."
"Okay, okay", Bakugou says. "I told Eijirou that, if he'd give me a nude for
the bet, I'd spend the whole week mapping out every part of him that I can
reach with my tongue and offered my hands and my skin and my breath to him."
Kirishima covers his mouth with a giggle. "It sounded even hotter at the time."
Ashido fans herself. She swallows and shakes her head. "Yeah uh, I was actually
going to make Hanta do more things before I did the thing but whoo boy, now I'm
pressed to move along."
"Wait, what were you going to make me do?" Sero asks with a grin and a blush.
"Oh, it wasn't anything much. Some teasing around. Mostly getting Katsuki to
tell us what he told Eijirou. I wasn't gonna go for anything extreme with how
overwhelmed you get."
Sero gasps and clutches his pearls. "Me? Overwhelmed? Where you even  there
for the great Denki-Hanta-fest?"
"I meant how overwhelmed you get  after.  That's... that's actually the only
complain I have about your sex skills, now that I think about it. Huh."
"Understandable", Sero shrugs. "Do you have anything else you want me to do
right now or can we get going on that twelve?"
Kirishima snorts behind his hand.
"I actually named it twelve", Ashido says.
Sero flushes. "You did?"
"Uh-huh."
"I love you so much."
"And I was right, it seems", Shinsou says. "About how you won, eh Ashido?"
Ashido flips him off.
Chapter End Notes
     this chapter cut is a little awkward but the smut has gotta have its
     own chapter
***** Epilogue II: Give Me a Good Dicking *****
Chapter Summary
     last chapter!! have some soft smut
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Sero lifts his pointer fingers up to ask for pause. "Will you murder me right
now if I make a really stupid joke?"
Ashido opens the door to her room. "How stupid?"
"Really  stupid."
"Give me a moment", she says. She takes a deep breath. "Okay, I'm ready. Tell
your joke."
"Remember when you asked for the good dick but I was too busy fretting over the
daddy thing to appreciate that?"
Ashido shakes her head in resignation. "Yes."
"Well, I'm sorry I didn't give you the good dick back then, but I'm glad I
could talk you into giving me a good dickin' right now."
Ashido hangs her head.
Sero grins. "Eh? Ehhh?"
Ashido shoves her fist over her mouth, but it's too little too late, and she
does burst out in loud ugly laughter that steals half her right lung. She puts
a hand on Sero's shoulder for balance as she fights tooth and nail to breathe
through her guffaws.
"You do love my awful jokes", Sero says, bringing his hands under her arms to
support her.
"What can I say", she says. "You have a way with words."
Sero sits on the bed as she goes to rummage around the back.
"You know, usually I have to put a little effort into that... that smooth
talker thing, but sometimes it comes so easy that you fucking what the hell
can't you give me a little warning, baby?"
Ashido takes a seat next to Sero with a grin. "Hanta, this is twelve. Twelve,
Hanta."
"Did you just fucking introduce me to your sex toy."
"No, but I will once you get prepped, love."
Sero looks at Ashido, then at twelve, then back at Ashido. "You're gonna leave
me to fend for myself? And here I'd thought you'd go for more of a hands-on
approach."
Ashido narrows her eyes. "Okay you win this time and I'm more than glad to
finger you, love, anytime, but I'm starting to think you think you can talk me
into anything."
"Me? That you yourself entitled as Best Mouth? Using words to have my way?
Impossible."
"Alright smartass, get stripping or you're not getting this dick."
"Oh we can't have that", Sero laughs, and pulls off Ashido's shirt.
Ashido shoves at him, trying to get his shirt off too, but he juts his elbows
sideways and the sleeves get stuck. She changes approach and tackles him into
the pillows. They devolve into a giggly slap-fight until Sero finally relents
and holds still long enough to get stripped.
Once they're naked, Ashido leans over Sero to reach behind her bed, which is a
grave mistake because the first thing Sero does is suck a hickey onto her
hipbone.
The second thing he does is grab her thighs when she yelps so she can't go
anywhere.
"Hanta-- shit, I'm gonna fall over."
Sero adds a bite to the bruise and changes his grip so he's holding her steady,
rather than holding her captive.
Ashido comes back down on the bed to straddle Sero's chest. "You're not being
very nice."
"Aw, baby", Sero drawls, "I'm sorry, please don't change your mind. I'm just so
excited."
Ashido turns the bag in her hand upside-down.
"Mina is this all lube."
"Yes."
"Where did you find this much."
"Midnight."
Sero pales. "No."
"Yes." Ashido laughs. She picks up one of the bottles scattered on the bed and
shimmies down Sero. "Now spread your legs."
Sero's switch from ghostly-pale to tomato-flushed is as amusing as it is
alarming, but he does as instructed and Ashido gets to work. She gropes at his
chest with her free hand.
"That feels good", he says in between quick kisses. "You feel good."
"Do I?" Ashido giggles. She runs her hand down to his stomach, feels his
muscles give under her touch, glides her fingers up his chest and into his
hair. "It's gonna be fun getting you to squirm, for once."
Sero rolls his head loose, rests it on his shoulder. "I don't squirm."
Ashido grins. She tugs on his hair. "Wanna bet?"
"I changed my mind",  Sero shudders, "I squirm all the time. Especially for
you, baby, I imagine it's gonna be pretty intense when we get this show
started. Starting a bet over it can only mean my doom."
She smiles and rests her forehead on his. "We don't want that."
He holds her around the shoulders. "No, we don't." He jerks his head to the
side so his hair catches and pulls on her hand. "Actually, hold on, this is
hurting a little."
Ashido rearranges her other hand. "Now?"
"Hm. It doesn't hurt when you aren't moving, but we kinda want to move here..."
"Can you open your legs any more?"
"I actually can't? I woke up today and my thigh was fucking rebelling, it was
hell at school during training." He tucks a bit of pink hair behind Ashido's
ear, pointlessly. "Can I turn around?"
"Aw, but I wanna see your face, love."
"I wanna see your face too, baby, but I also wanna get fucked up more."
Ashido sighs and sits back. "Okay, anything to hurt you less. But we have to do
it again so I can see your sweet face for it, okay?"
"Okay", Sero grins, and he waits for Ashido to wear the strap-on before he
rolls to his knees and elbows.
"Yo tell me if this hurts, okay? Getting fucked up isn't worth it if you're not
having fun", Ashido says, emptying yet another unfortunate bottle of lube.
"Babe I'll tell you can you just--- ---"
"Does it hurt?"
"Yes, just-- fuck, slow down. Don't stop, just slow down."
She kisses between his shoulderblades until he can breathe again.
"Okay", Sero huffs. He looks over his shoulder as best as he can. "Okay, I'm
good. Go ahead."
She does.
"This is literally my second time doing this", she says. "How am I doing?"
"I-- shit- I don't think, don't, don't think I can judge okay-- fuck, fuck -
- I'm a little... distracted, you could say, by th- the fact that--" Sero has
to visibly pause and bite his lip.
Ashido gets a finger between his teeth to keep him from drawing blood. His jaw
goes slack.
"It feels so good", he drawls. "You feel so good, Mina, you're doing great."
"That's good to know", she giggles behind his ear, because she's too short to
hook her chin over his shoulder.
"Just, fuck, really wish I could see your face, baby mama. Wish I could show
you mine."
Ashido's hips stutter. "I mean, I have an idea for that, but it won't be what
you asked for."
Sero tries to look over his shoulder again. "It's okay, baby mama, you fucked
me good now. You can finish me some other way."
She chews on her lip. "Okay, love." She snaps twelve off the harness and leaves
it in Hanta, then crawls around him to wiggle her way under him. "Hi." She
reaches between his legs and grabs the toy.
"Oh, shit", he has time to say before she starts fucking him again.
She gets a thigh between his and grinds down on his leg. "Oh shit indeed."
He collapses on her, burying his face into her neck and biting, desperate to
keep at least one part of him grounded while he comes undone.
It really says something about their relationship that Ashido can guesstimate
exactly when Sero goes from happy bliss to jumpy overload, and she retracts the
toy and her junk from him before he can voice his discomfort.
He rolls over and off her, lands in the pile of lube bottles.
Ashido busies herself with replacing the condom on twelve with a new one.
"You could tell when I got overwhelmed", Sero mumbles, rolling his head to the
side so he can watch her lube the toy up.
"I like that you have obvious tells about that. Usually you're verbal about it
and that's great, but you have tells, too."
Sero smiles. "I like that you know to detach me before it gets too bad." He
glances down. "Do you need help with that?"
Ashido grins. "What do you think?" she says, maintaining eye contact as she
eases the toy in her.
Sero leans over and plants a wet kiss on her throat, reaching down under her
harness to replace her hand on twelve. Ashido uses her newly-freed hand to get
two fistfuls of Sero's hair and hold him in place lest he thinks he can leave
without leaving a lovebite in every place his mouth has touched. Thankfully he
seems hellbent on leaving several, so Ashido brings her hand down to scratch at
his back instead.
Sero twists the toy in her, the fucker.
She bites his shoulder and scratches lines from one of his shoulders to the
other, a cross across his back as he bites and presses the heel of his palm on
her and she comes pulling on his hair.
She takes over pumping twelve in her, carefully descending into a pace that'll
wind her down, rather than work her back up. She drops twelve into a plastic
bag without much fanfare.
Sero rubs the back of his neck. He tries to reach lower, but he barely can.
"Let me see it", Ashido says without moving a muscle.
Sero rolls and lies on his side with his back to her.
"It's not bleeding", she says. "But it's getting pretty red." She runs her
fingers over the marks her nails left. Sero's skin covers itself in goosebumps
everywhere she touches.
He rolls back around and hugs her with all his limbs. "We should shower."
"We should", Ashido agrees, stuffing a different bag with the lube bottles.
"Maybe now?"
Sero settles his head on her chest. "Mmmaybe, I dunno. I'm not really bothered
by the stickiness. I mean come on, my quirk."
"Oh same."
Sero giggles. "We combine our quirks to make The Sticky Stuff."
"Hey Hanta you know what I'm leaving."
"No, come on. Let's shower."
Ashido sighs, runs a hand through her hair. It gets stuck and she has to pull
it out the same way it came in. "We can't both fit in my dorm shower, Hanta.
And I don't trust in your abilities to sneak me in the boys' baths."
Sero raises his eyebrows. "Buuuut, you can do that."
Ashido scratches her jaw. "I mean, there's only five more girls that share the
baths with me and I've been thinking how much bullshit it is that you guys can
shower with each other whenever while I'm on my own."
"On your own? Haven't you fucked literally all the other girls?"
"Hush that's not my point, my point is that this wouldn't even be the first
time the girls' baths have seen a boy."
Sero sits up and stretches. "Are you gonna elaborate?"
"Midoriya."
"Of course it's Midoriya, I don't know what I was expecting."
 
 
<MINA AND HER BOYS>
/RR: rumor has it you got hanta in the girls baths
/alienQueen: what rumor
/RR: hanta himself
/jam-yay: hey isn't it weird that the girls' baths have a stripe of pink tiles
in the showers, but ours is grey?
/RR: are you telling me youve been in the girls baths
/alienQueen: hold up yes when the fuck did you get in the baths???
/jam-yay: oh jirou
/jam-yay: haven't i told you guys?
/murder: you have idk what they're so shocked about
/RR: when did you???
/murder: he heavily implied it one time
/alienQueen: denki we're IDIOTS you can't expect us to draw conclusions from
implications!!
/jam-yay: whoops
/sero(p)han: everyone shut up
/sero(p)han: i just got the best dicking of my life im not gonna stand for any
arguments
/murder: your what
/sero(p)han: the best dicking of my life
/sero(p)han: yeah minas better than you get rekt katsuki
/murder: mina fucking fight me
/alienQueen: for once im happy to accept a fuckfight invitation from you
/alienQueen: we need a judge
/jam-yay: I VOLUNTEER
/murder: great meet in the gym in half an hour
 
 
"I'm putting a set of rules in place", Iida says, hands on the table where he's
scattered a careful mess of notes. "First of all, you  cannot  engage in sexual
acts in shared spaces unless you've very specifically made sure no one else is
or  will be  present."
Bakugou crosses his arms.
"Secondly, Kaminari I'm sorry but this is for you specifically, you have to
warn your neighbours if you're going to do it in your rooms."
Kaminari hums in thought. "What if I'm not the one getting fucked up? Or what
if my mouth is busy. Neither of those things are gonna let me be loud enough to
be a bother."
Iida rubs his eyes. "Fine, you only have to warn us if you think you're going
to be loud. But you have to warn us, okay?"
"Okay."
"Third and last, you have to be extra courteous to Shouji and Jirou. They might
involuntarily pick up something they shouldn't have."
Ashido cocks her head to the side. "You're not gonna make a rule about talking
dirty in public?"
"I can't keep you from talking. And anyway verbal is our primary form of
communication, if there's ever an emergency, you might have to 'talk dirty', as
you say, in public. But I  will  kindly ask that you don't go out of your way
to make us uncomfortable, as you've done in the past. I'm looking at you,
Ashido."
Ashido shrugs. "Sure thing, Emergency Exit."
Bakugou stands up. "Can we fucking go now?"
"Yes, I have nothing more to say", Iida says.
"Oh, I do", Kaminari says as he stands up. "Iida do you wanna netflix and chill
sometime?"
Iida blinks. "I'm sorry?"
"I'm asking you out."
"Why?"
"Because you're hot as hell and I want to sleep with you? And also I wanna see
how much I can tempt fate by sleeping with people Baku doesn't want to sleep
with."
Bakugou growls.
Ashido lights up. "Denki, love, are you suggesting a ten-way between our squad
and Midoriya's squad?"
Kaminari turns to her and winks.
Chapter End Notes
     thank you everyone who stuck around for this whole thing! you guys
     made this a wonderful experience. i can't wait to share more of my
     works with you. love you <333
End Notes
     hey this was the first time i was posting something as i wrote it, it
     was hella fun! thank you for all your thoughts and speculations - i
     had a lot of fun writing them in there.
     find me on twitter and tumblr
  Works inspired by this one
      well,_that's_shocking by iidatenyas_(lovelyebin)
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