Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/233342.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Fate/stay_night_(Visual_Novel), Fate/EXTRA
  Relationship:
      Matou_Shinji/Matou_Shinji_(Extra)
  Character:
      Matou_Shinji, Matou_Shinji_(Extra)
  Additional Tags:
      Community:_kink_bingo
  Collections:
      Kink_Bingo_2011_(Round_Four)
  Stats:
      Published: 2011-08-02 Words: 640
****** Self-Loathing ******
by MiniNephthys
Summary
     The main Shinji does not care much for this other him. Kink Bingo,
     for the square "breathplay."
You decide that you're going to call him 'Shinji'. Lots of people are named
Shinji. You've always kind of hated that name, too common: you don't have any
Magic Circuits, so you're common, or at least that was what your father
thought.
You don't like Shinji very much. He has your face, so that's a strike against
him from the beginning. He has your mannerisms, and there's only room for one
person to be the best here and worthy of dismissing everyone else. Even the
small differences between you only aggravate you more. His smiles have less of
an edge to them like he's really happy, and maybe he is.
Shinji wasn't born into a family, meant to be the heir, and then had that taken
away from him. From what you know about him, he started off as any ordinary
person would and rose to fame in his area of expertise. Real fame. People know
him and not just who he was supposed to be.
You hate that.
You don't really decide what you're going to do while you watch him eat his pie
(blueberry, because it's your favorite flavor and his too), you just catch him
by the throat before he can get at the last slice. He struggles, but his skill
is in computers and he doesn't struggle very well. Your fingernails dig into
the side of his neck and you're squeezing until he barely can get any breath
in, his eyes starting to cloud over. Then you let go, because killing someone
who looks like you would be a little morbid, but while he's hyperventilating
you knock him over onto his back and pin him there.
Kissing someone who looks like you, who has your name, who has the place in the
world you deserved to have, would be disgusting. You don't let your mouth get
anywhere near him, even though it would effectively shut up his blubbering. Do
you get this bad when you're frightened? Do you get frightened this easily?
Disgusting.
His clothes tear easily, and while he's screaming at you to stop it you grab
his throat again with your free hand. It's easier to get him to still when he's
struggling to breathe, and most of his body goes limp. You're letting him get
enough air that he'll stay conscious no problem if he focuses, but if he tries
yelling again, well, that's not really your problem. Someone with your face
shouldn't be so stupid.
You haven't touched him with anything but your hands, and you don't have any
plans to do otherwise. The scratches on his chest will sting for days and
remind him of this if the memory doesn't stick by itself. The bruises on his
neck, too. You haven't said anything, and he can't, so his frantic attempts at
breathing are the loudest sounds in the room.
It's not the first time you've gotten someone's pants off while holding them
down, or the first time you've watched their face contort in pain. Even if you
had something to soften the intrusion you wouldn't use it: thinking this, you
twist your fingers more and watch the cries form on his mouth without enough
air to make a sound.
You aren't going to let him come and watching yourself disgusts you too much
for arousal, so you decide when you're done based on when it looks like he's
going to pass out. Shinji gasps for breath, and as soon as he can form the weak
words-
"You can't do that, I'm just eight..."
You knew he wasn't the age he looked, but you didn't know how young exactly he
was. Still-
"I don't care about something like that."
Anybody luckier than you, particularly anybody who wears the name 'Matou
Shinji' like it isn't a badge of shame, will have your hatred.
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