Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/8731321.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Eyewitness_(US_TV)
  Relationship:
      Philip_Shea/Lukas_Waldenbeck
  Character:
      Philip_Shea, Lukas_Waldenbeck
  Additional Tags:
      Smut, Fluff, Sexting, Oral_Sex, are_they_underage_i_don't_honestly_know,
      the_author_may_have_watched_all_of_the_show_last_night, Internalized
      Homophobia, Post-Traumatic_Stress_Disorder_-_PTSD, kind_of?_it's_implied,
      Kinky, ish, Porn_With_Plot
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-12-02 Words: 3712
****** Same Kind of Nothing ******
by Pigzxo
Summary
     Philip wants to give Lukas a blowjob and that makes Lukas nervous.
Lukas took off his helmet and shook out his hair. A smile was already on his
face before he saw Philip smiling back at him.
            “Good, yeah?” Lukas said.
            Philip shrugged, pursed his lips. He handed the phone over and
said, “See for yourself.”
            The footage of the jump was perfect, as always. Philip always got
the angles just right, got the jump right in the centre of the screen, and had
the perfect style for motorcross videos. Lukas had told him that before and
Philip had laughed, brushed him off. There were very few ways Lukas had thought
of to convince Philip that he had real talent, but he kept at them even if they
rarely got him anywhere.
            That is, rarely got him anywhere on the Philip-believing-him level.
If his goal was getting Philip to kiss him, on the other hand, then he got
pretty far by offering compliments. Sometimes he didn’t even offer the
compliment – just gave Philip a kiss to show him how great he thought he was.
            “Great job,” Lukas said. He handed back the phone and kissed Philip
on the cheek.
            Philip looked down to hide his blush and Lukas wished he wouldn’t.
He wished he could hold his face in his hands and force him to look at him as
he blushed or whenever he was nervous at all. Not that that was possible with
all the shit that was going on and Lukas’ dad and the kids at school. But if it
had been, if he could take care of Philip just like Philip had been taking care
of him, well, that would be ideal.
            He lowered his lips from Philip’s cheek to his neck, pressed soft
kisses into the skin until one of Philip’s hands reached into his hair to pull
him closer. Philip reciprocated in kind – his lips cold, rough. Lukas kissed
him on the shoulder then raised his head to look Philip in the eye.
            “Really great job,” he said.
            “Shut up.” Philip kissed him on the lips and Lukas complied. If
his... whatever Philip was to him, wanted him to shut up and shut him up with
kisses, he was more than happy to comply.
            Lukas grabbed onto Philip’s hair and pulled him closer, pressed his
tongue into his mouth. Philip responded with a small murmur and a hand trailing
down Lukas’ back.
            Lukas was vitally aware of the fact that they were out in the open,
outside, but it was the middle of nowhere. No one ever came out this way
anyways. No one would see them. Unless... unless his dad came to check up on
him or Rose wanted to chew him out some more or... Lukas broke their kiss. He
forced a smile onto his face and then stepped back, wiped his lips with the
back of his hand.
            He could feel Philip’s eyes on him, watching. And he knew Philip
really just wanted to make sure he was all right and he didn’t want to hurt
him, but he didn’t know what else to do. His mind still raced with all the bad
things that could have happened while they kissed. Nothing had, nothing had,
nothing would. Yet his mind raced.
            “Hey,” Philip said.
            Lukas looked up. He had pretended to busy himself with his bike –
brushed dirt off the seat, checked the throttle, whatever – and now stood with
a steadying hand on the handlebars. “Yeah?” he said.
            Philip glanced down at his feet and pursed his lips. “You ever, you
know.” He hesitated and then met Lukas’ eyes without a smile. “Rose ever give
you that blowjob?”
            “What?”
            “Just wondering.”
            Lukas shook his head, gripped the handlebar tighter. “Why are we
talking about this?”
            “Because.” Philip took a step closer and let the smallest of smiles
take over his lips. “Maybe I wanna be your first.”
            “My first... blowjob?”
            “Yeah.”
            Lukas’ brain short-circuited. Somehow he’d lost the ability to look
away from Philip’s lips, their plush softness, their perpetual pout. And his
mind had lost the ability to not imagine those lips around his dick, their
warmth, their wetness.
            When his faculties returned to him a few minutes later, he faked a
cough and looked away. “Umm,” he said. He knew words. He was sure he had
learned some words in his life. When he looked back at Philip, there was a
cocky smile on his lips but nervousness in his eyes, in the shifting of his
feet. “No,” Lukas said.
            “No?”
            “To, you know, Rose. Rose never gave me a blowjob. No.”
            “Right.”
            “Umm.” Lukas looked around for something else to say, for a way to
change the topic, but there was no inspiration on the barren landscape. And the
only thing to look at was Philip. And Philip’s lips. And god, he could feel
himself getting hard just thinking about it. “You want a ride back into town?”
            “Sure.”
            Lukas swung his leg over his bike and put his helmet back on. He
handed the second helmet back to Philip, waited for him to jump on the bike
behind him. And, sure, he’d noticedthat Philip was very close to him on the
back of his bike before. He’d even, maybe, told Philip to hold tighter once or
twice just to get more of that feeling. But now it felt different. Philip’s
chest pressed to his back, his crotch to his ass, his fists against his torso.
Lukas forced himself to breathe.
            “You doing okay?” Philip asked.
            “Fine.” Lukas revved the engine and started back into town.
            The ride took longer than usual, half on purpose. They couldn’t
talk if the engine was too loud and Lukas couldn’t think either. The faster he
went, the tighter Philip gripped him, so he kept the pace slow.
            He stopped at the start of Philip’s road and waited for the weight
to shift on the bike. It took a moment, then Philip stood and took off his
helmet. His hair coming loose from it, falling back into place, played like
slow motion in Lukas’ head. The briefest smile fluttered over Philip’s lips and
Lukas wasn’t sure if it was because he was relieved to be off the bike or happy
to have been on it at all.
            Philip hesitated in handing the helmet back. “Hey, Lukas?”
            “Yeah?”
            “If I freaked you out earlier... I’m not trying to rush you. I
would never push you past where you’re comfortable. So if you need to wait or
not think about it or never have me bring it up again... that’s fine.”
            Lukas was overwhelmed with the urge to kiss Philip, but he didn’t
even take his helmet off. He was afraid of Philip seeing his expression. He
didn’t know if it would hurt him or not, or even what his expression was.
“Thanks,” he said. Then he revved the engine and drove off.
 
Lukas lay in bed, on his back, eyes wide open. One of his hands traced the
outside of his thigh and he bit his bottom lip hard enough to make it bleed. He
couldn’t stop thinking about it. Not that he usually didn’tthink about it at
night. He did. A lot. And he thought about more than blowjobs and less than
blowjobs and sometimes he thought he’d be perfectly content to live his entire
life doing nothing more than cuddling Philip. Tonight was not one of those
nights. Tonight was a night where he felt like if he didn’t touch Philip
immediately he might disintegrate.
            Now the offer was on the table. It wasn’t Lukas’ crazy brain or his
hormones or whatever the fuck else was making him think these things. Philip
wanted to suck him off. Philip wanted to be on his knees for him. Philip wanted
him.
            Lukas decided, fuck it, and pushed his hand into his boxers. He
stroked the length of his cock slowly. With his other hand, he grabbed his
phone off the bedside table and texted Philip, you up?
            Yeah.Not even a long enough pause between hitting the send button
and the reply for Lukas to reconsider, to think this through. You okay?
            Fine.
            Cool.
           Lukas forced himself to breathe. He scraped his nails along the
underside of his dick and forced himself not to groan at the sensation. His
eyes flickered closed for a second and he thought, maybe it would be enough.
Maybe he could just imagine Philip and not actually bring him into this.
            But he’d already started. So he texted, tell me what you’d do to
me.
            What?
            Come on.
           There was a long pause and Lukas’ heartbeat picked up pace. He
thought maybe he’d pushed too far. Maybe Philip had been joking about sucking
his dick. Maybe he was laughing at him right now. Lukas stilled the hand on his
cock, ready to text back that Philip didn’t have to, that he’d been joking,
that it was a stupid impulse, when—
            You’re touching yourself?
           Lukas held his breath. Yeah.
            Fuck.Then a few moments after. Okay, umm... I don’t really know how
to do this.
            Me either.
           Lukas brushed his thumb over the tip of his dick and hummed in
pleasure. His phone buzzed in his hand.
            I’d kiss you so hard your head would spin.Lukas smiled. Then I’d
kiss down your neck, across your collarbone, get your shirt off.Lukas took a
deep breath and slightly sped up his hand. Then I’d dip to my knees and nose at
your cock through your jeans.
           “Fuck,” Lukas muttered. He squeezed the base of his dick, could
picture Philip doing exactly what he said. Philip on his knees. Philip’s face
on his crotch, kissing through denim. Philip, Philip, Philip.
            Tell me how I’m doing?
            Great. Fucking great. Don’t stop.
            I’m that good?
            Shut up.Lukas could practically feel Philip’s smirk through the
phone. He imagined that smirk pressed between his thighs, pressed into his
skin. Keep going.
            Begging now?Then, I’d take off your pants, your boxers, and kiss
down the length of your cock.
           Lukas gripped his shaft tighter and scrambled blindly for his
bedside table’s drawer. He dipped his hand into the space as his phone buzzed
incessantly against his chest – the cold metal a relief from the heat in his
underwear. Grabbing the lube, he squirted some into his palm and then went back
to touching himself, face and furious as he read the texts that had come in.
            Press my tongue to the slit.
            Suck at the head.
            Slowly bring you into my mouth, so slow you’ll be begging me to
speed up.
            I’d let you fuck my mouth if you wanted to.
            Leave my throat raw.
           “Philip,” Lukas whined. He could feel himself getting close, but no
more texts came in. He scrambled at the keyboard: then what?
            Don’t wanna ruin the surprise, do I?
            Fucking hell. Don’t leave me like this.
           Again, Lukas could see the smirk. He felt it in the silence. Closing
his eyes, he pictured Philip down on his knees. Lukas with his hands in his
hair, his hips thrusting lightly. Not hard enough to hurt, he never wanted to
hurt Philip again, but yeah. He liked the idea of leaving a feeling behind in
Philip’s throat, something he could feel all throughout the next day. He was so
close.
            Philip,he texted.
            Yeah?
            Finish me off.
            Tell you what. You let me suck you off for real, and I’ll get you
off this time.
           Lukas hesitated. He stared at the phone screen for a long time while
his dick strained against the fabric of his boxers. Maybe, if he focused, he
could do it himself. He’d done it himself before. He read over the previous
texts, played the fantasy over in his head again, thrusted into his hand.
“Fuck,” he whispered.
            Fine. You can suck me off.
            I’d swallow.
           Lukas almost rolled his eyes. That’s all you got?
            And lick up the mess. Unless you prefer to come on my face and lick
it off yourself.
           Lukas bit his lip against the curse on his tongue. He came messily,
quickly, and made a huge mess of his underwear, of the sheets, of himself.
Cursing silently, he shifted position and didn’t give his body the time to
breathe. He shook all over from the high, but shifted off his bed and headed to
the bathroom. He washed his hands, splashed water on his face, and then gripped
the counter tight for a count of ten.
            It was the first time Philip had gotten him off. And yeah, maybe
Lukas had known that was bound to happen eventually. After all, he had gotten
himself off to the image of Philip enough times before. But doing it with
Philip’s help felt different, felt weird, felt wrong.And even as he forced
himself to breathe through it, he hadn’t quite come to terms with it by the
time he got back to bed.
            You okay?Philip had texted.
            Lukas stared at his phone. Then he powered it down and went to
sleep.
 
Lukas turned his phone back on during lunch the next day. For a blissful
moment, his phone was silent. Then the network connected and texts came flying
in, his phone buzzing for a solid minute before it stopped. Twenty-two texts
from Philip, including one explaining that he hadn’t come to school because
Gabe was taking him into town to see his mom. Twenty-two.
            I’m fine,Lukas texted.
            Bullshit,came the reply.
            Lukas didn’t dignify that with a response. He shoved his phone in
his pocket and went back to smiling at his friends, pretending to follow their
conversation. He did that all day until the last bell rang and he checked his
phone again.
            You know I’d never force you into anything.
            Meet me at the barn?
            Please?
            Lukas texted back, fine.
 
Lukas stashed his bike at the end of the drive, not wanting Gabe and Helen to
know he was there. He walked out to the barn and stepped inside, wrinkled his
nose at the smell. Philip sat on a bale of hay, playing with his phone, but he
looked up when Lukas walked inside. A smile graced Philip’s face almost
immediately, but it quickly faded and he stood.
            “Lukas?” he said. “Are you okay?”
            Lukas didn’t bother to reply, just grabbed Philip’s face and kissed
him. He didn’t know when he had decided that was the appropriate response to
the situation or even that he wanted to kiss Philip again, he just did it. And
Philip kissed back, slowly, patiently, but without passion. Lukas tried to push
him into it, but Philip held back.
            “What?” Lukas said. He stepped back to look Philip in the eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
            “I’m fine. I’m worried about you.”
            “What about me?”
            “You kinda freaked on me last night.” Philip bit his lip. “Or I
guess, didn’t freak on me. Which I expected. You just kinda... disappeared.”
            Lukas had nothing to say to that.
            “Look, if you don’t want to do anything then we don’t have to do
anything. I get that it’s hard for you and I’m fine not doing anything. I am.
Just, please, talk to me about it. Don’t just go AWOL every time we take a step
forward.”
            Lukas nodded. “Yeah. Sorry.”
            “Don’t be sorry, just, tell me what’s wrong,” Philip said. He
closed the space between them and planted a light kiss on Lukas’ lips. Noses
still touching, he looked up into Lukas’ eyes. “Tell me everything.”
            “Everything?”
            Philip nodded.
            Lukas let himself smile. “Well, I got off.” He kissed Philip. “And
I want to do it again. I do. It’s just...”
            “Just?”
            Lukas kissed him again for a little longer. “Just I’m still
confused about wanting to. And I still don’t know why I want to. And... and
god, I really want you to suck me off, I do.” He paused and put on his best
imitation of a seductive expression. From the smile that cracked over Philip’s
lips, he knew it wasn’t that great. “Please, Philip.” He kissed him. “Please,
please, get on your knees.”
            “Mm. You sure?”
            “Yeah.”
            Philip’s smile widened, he pecked Lukas on the lips, and then
wasted no time getting onto his knees. His hands trailed down the length of
Lukas’ chest and stopped at the hem of his jeans. He flicked the button open
and pulled down the zipper. He pressed his face to Lukas’ crotch and breathed
in.
            Lukas shifted his stance slightly as Philip’s hands came down on
his ass. He forced himself to breathe. Philip nosed at his crotch, let his hot
breath waver over the thin fabric. Then he sucked through it, taking the head
of Lukas’ cock in his mouth.
            “Fuck,” Lukas said. He steadied himself with a hand in Philip’s
hair, pulling perhaps a little too hard, but Philip didn’t seem to mind. “You
sure you haven’t done this before?”
            Lukas felt Philip’s smile and the shake of his head. Then cold
fingers dipped under the waistband of his boxers and teased at the skin there.
A hand dipped deeper inside and brushed against his dick. Lukas let out a
string of curses as Philip pulled down his underwear and left his skin exposed
to the cold.
            He might have backed out right then – it was very cold– but
Philip’s warm breath ghosted over his cock. Lips pressed to the tip of his dick
and a tongue crept along the slit. Philip’s mouth was warm and wet and slid
onto him slow, slow, slow as Philip’s hand moved up and down at the base of his
cock.
            Slowly, Philip moved forward and, despite their texting last night,
Lukas let him keep his own pace. He gripped his hair tighter when he needed to,
when the heat was too much, but didn’t guide him at all. He let Philip suck and
lick and stroke to his heart’s content. When he pulled off to kiss Lukas’
thighs, Lukas groaned but didn’t protest.
            There was no room to think about what was going on or why, because
Lukas’ brain was completely preoccupied memorizing the image of Philip on his
knees before him. His lips were red and swollen, stretched around him. His eyes
were closed, an expression of calm ecstasy on his face. One of his hands had
fallen from Lukas’ ass and was down his pants, slowly stroking himself.
            “Fuck,” Lukas whispered, not loud enough to make Philip stop or
smile or change his pace. But enough that it set Lukas’ thoughts in a slightly
different direction – to what it might be like to be on his knees for Philip,
to have Philip in his mouth.
            Philip worked slow, like he had all the time in the world. And he
did. Lukas was convinced that nothing, nothing at all, could make him leave
that barn until Philip was done with him. Even if Philip wanted to keep him
there all night with his slow pace and torturous tongue and the soft rumbles of
pleasure that sent vibrations down Lukas’ cock.
            Philip pulled off with a wet pop and looked up. “You wanna come
down my throat or in my face?”
            Lukas felt a wave of desire go through him at the question, but he
wasn’t sure which way. “You decide.”
            Philip seemed to consider for a moment before he said, “Throat. I
like the way you taste.”
            Lukas could have come at those words, no more motivation needed.
They were raw and honest and Philip said them in a soft tone that made it seem
like it was the most natural thing in the world. Lukas was overwhelmed with the
desire to kiss him, touch him, or return the favour in some way, but when he
looked down he saw the wet spot on Philip’s jeans and knew the other boy had
already come.
            That sight finally put him over the edge. Not Philip’s tongue on
the underside of his cock, not the hand on his balls, not the hollowing of
Philip’s cheeks. Just the wet spot on his jeans.
            Philip lasted halfway through Lukas’ orgasm before he pulled back
with a cough and started gagging. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand
and tried to wipe the excess – since it wasn’t like Lukas could just stop when
Philip pulled away – away with the sleeves of his sweater.
            “You okay?” Lukas asked. He tucked himself back into his jeans and
then knelt on the ground in front of Philip. He tried to catch his eye and
couldn’t. “Philip?”
            “Yeah.” He coughed again and the looked back at Lukas, eyes wide.
Tears threatened to break over his cheeks but he wiped them away quick. “Sorry.
A little warning next time, maybe?”
            “Sorry.”
            “Yeah.” Philip shook his head and then met Lukas’ eyes with a
smile. “That was a lot more than I was expecting.”
            Lukas laughed. “What were you expecting?”
            “I don’t know. An amount that would be easy to swallow. It never
lookslike that much on my hands.”
            Lukas pressed a kiss to Philip’s lips. He tasted different – salty
and a little sweet – but Lukas didn’t pull back for a long moment. When he did,
he kissed Philip’s nose and both his cheeks. “Thanks,” he said.
            “Anytime.”
            “I’d offer to return the favour, but...” Lukas gestured to the mess
of Philip’s pants and tried, but failed, to hide his self-satisfied grin.
            “Shut up,” Philip said.
            Lukas smiled, grabbed his face, and kissed him hard again. “I know
we’ve been out here for a while,” he said, “but any chance we can stay?”
            Philip nodded and Lukas shifted into a more comfortable sitting
position, wrapped his arm around Philip’s shoulders. He kissed Philip’s hair,
his temples, the side of his neck, all soft little pecks. Words bubbled on his
lips, words he didn’t know how to say, words he barely understood. But he no
longer questioned wanting Philip, wanting this, not when his arms were wrapped
around him and he felt safe. He finally felt safe.
            “Lukas?” Philip said after a minute.
            “Yeah?”
            Philip looked up into his eyes and then shook his head. “Nothing.”
            Lukas thought maybe it was the same kind of nothing he couldn’t
say.
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