Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/6595936.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      ノラガミ_|_Noragami
  Relationship:
      Yato/Yukine, Fujisaki_Kouto/Yukine
  Character:
      Yukine_(Noragami), Yato_(Noragami), Fujisaki_Kouto, Iki_Hiyori
  Additional Tags:
      Dubious_Consent, Mental_Anguish, Domestic_Violence, Past_Domestic
      Violence
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-04-19 Updated: 2016-08-09 Chapters: 3/? Words: 12809
****** Saccharin ******
by Lafyel
Summary
     His smile is like saccharine and it leaves a bitter taste in his
     mouth. The moment Yukine steps inside he feels like his descent into
     purgatory has just begun – he only ever wanted to protect Yato.
Notes
     Tags will be added as the story progresses, the base ones are posted
     for a general warning of things to come. I also don't have a beta,
     but I do try to keep with decent grammar, spelling and punctuation.
***** Saccharin *****
            “Remember tonight... for it is the beginning of always.”
It’s a dizzying sensation, almost overwhelming and the blond has to stop, has
to place his hand on the railing. He takes in a quick breath, swallows down
around the lump growing in his throat. His skin is prickling and he feels so
nervous, so anxious and on edge. Yukine thinks that somewhere, where ever Yato
is, that he can feel this too.
A second hand emotion, a whispery sensation crawling across the man’s own skin.
Yukine wonders if the way Yato feels his emotions is similar to the way he
knows colors – is akin to the fact that he knows what orange looks like without
seeing it. He wonders if the sensation builds in the others chest, if it’s a
muted feeling or if it’s full force and all at once – overwhelming. He pictures
the god stopping in the middle of a sidewalk, hand reaching up and clutching at
his chest. Yukine imagines that the emotions wash over the raven, that Yato
might feel something akin to being bipolar with the sudden onset of foreign
feelings. He thinks that it might burn in the back of the god’s mind, like a
bright color in the dark, the sensations that blossom outwards full force,
bright and blinding.
The blond forces himself up another step, tries to shove his nervousness back
down. His hands feel almost clammy, slick against the once cold rail. He looks
up the stairs, at the landing he’s headed towards in an apartment complex he’s
never been before. Yukine looks away, at the wall and then at the sky. He pulls
his eyes away from the bright blue and down at his feet. A flicker of guilt
intermingles with his anxiety and that really has him thinking of Yato. He
closes his eyes to the bright sunny day, is intent on pushing and willing his
emotions in check.
Now is not the time for him to worry, for him to feel anxious or nervous or
guilty. Yukine knows what happens when he feels guilt, has seen the dark burns
on the others skin. The images still haunt him, still creep back up, are a
constant reminder of what he should and should not do.
This though…
This is different, this is for Yato’s sake.
This is to help protect what is most valuable to him.
Yukine opens his eyes and continues on up the stairs, even lets go of the
railing. He reaches the landing and looks over at the number written on the
nearest door, continues on down the hall. He counts his steps as he goes, slows
down when he reaches the last door. The blond knocks against the surface before
his uncertainty wells up inside his chest again.
He’s met with silence and it irks him, has his brows knitting together in
irritation.
Yukine’s about to reach up and knock louder when the sound of a lock clicks and
the door open.
He’s met with auburn eyes and an inquisitive expression, one that shifts into
something that has the blonds insides turning. The smile that stretches across
the taller males face is sickeningly sweet, is depraved and sordid and anything
but real. Yukine looks away, past the others caramel toned hair, into the
darkened apartment.
“Yukine-kun…”
The sound of his name, coming off so happy and pleased, has his shoulders
tensing, has every part of his being going taught. Orange eyes turn back, look
up and into the others. He doesn’t say anything back, just glares daggers into
the brunet’s being.
Fujisaki just smiles, wide, and it looks so deranged in the teens eyes.
“Come inside, I’m so pleased you found the place.” The older teen steps aside,
hand gesturing into the apartment and its then that Yukine is struck with this
odd sensation.
He feels almost like Alice, like he’s going mad, like he’s about to tumble down
the rabbit hole – except he isn’t going to end up in wonderland.
He’s going to fall face first into Hell…
Yukine feels like his body is slow to respond, sluggish as he steps forward.
The air inside is still and stagnant, carries a peculiar scent to it that the
teen can’t quite place. He turns when the doors shut, when he hears the lock
click into place.
His heart squeezes and he feels this unsettling urge to run, to turn around and
flee. The sudden pat on his back and sickeningly fake laugh has him taking a
step back, jerking himself from the brunet’s touch.
“Relax Yukine-kun!” Fujisaki turns and walks down the hall, slippers silent on
the polished wooden floor. “It’s locked incase my parents get home before
they’re expected. That way I can hide your presence.” He stops before leaving
the blonds sight, smile dropping from his face, just a little. “Honestly, stop
staring daggers at me, you came here of your own will.”
Yukine looks away at that, feels a hot flash of embarrassment course through
him.
He toes his shoes off and steps onto the polished wooden surface, follows after
the older looking teen. “Why…” He hesitates, words catching in his throat. “Why
did you ask me here…?” He turns the corner, finds himself standing at the edge
of the living room, a dining room off at the other side, in the corner. There’s
food sitting on the table and Fujisaki pulls a chair out, sits down and smiles
at the blond.
“Come sit with me.” He gestures to the seat across from him.
Yukine wants to say no, wants to snap at the other. He bites his tongue and
walks through the living room, pulls the chair out and sits.
“You know, my mother picked these up the other day,” Fujisaki points to a small
plate of cookies, delicate looking ones. “She said they’re super good.” He
picks one up himself, studies the soft curves before setting it back down. “I
don’t really like sweets myself…”
There’s an oddly elaborate spread of food on the table and Yukine thinks that
it’s been set up for him, thinks that Fujisaki’s been planning this for a
while. Orange eyes turn to the small finger sandwiches, drift towards the
intricate tea pot beside them. Fujisaki’s grinning again, reaches for it and
pours some into the small matching cup placed in front of the blond.
“It’s a vanilla chai blend.” The brunet offers, setting the tea pot down
without pouring any for himself. “Would you like any sugar?” He points to a
small dish with a slender silver handle sticking out. “I have milk too, if
you’d prefer that.”
Yukine doesn’t touch the cup, has this sinking sensation that he’s in
purgatory. He looks up, stares at Fujisaki and it dawns on him when the other
smiles once again. The way the brunet smiles is off put by the darkness in his
auburn eyes, the hatred and contempt when he looks at the teen.
The smile leaves a bitter taste in Yukine’s mouth.
“Why am I here?”
“Are you sure you don’t want anything in your tea?” Fujisaki glances over at
the kitchen, “I think I have honey if you’d prefer that.”
This irritates the blond and he fists his hands beneath the table, digs his
nails into his palms. He’s struck with the memory of Hiyori reading a book, of
gods in other parts of the world. Yukine thinks about the story of Persephone,
about not eating the food of the underworld. He has this sinking sensation that
if he eats he’ll never be allowed to leave.
The sudden terror that accompanies the thought scares him, almost more so then
the thought itself.
“Why am I here?” The words are gritted out and Fujisaki sighs. He leans back in
his seat and studies the small teen before him. He takes in the glare he’s
being given, the utter look of disgust swimming in those vibrant orange eyes.
They almost glow like Yato’s.
He smiles again and Yukine wants to vomit.
“Let’s make a deal…”
The blond wants to curse and leave, wants to bolt from the apartment, to stand
in the sun and bask in its brightness. He wants to hide in Hiyori’s room, to
see her smile so real and bright. He wants to lie in the small cramped room
with Yato, listen to him sleeping with the lamp turned on to chase the darkness
away.
He feels sick. “What do you want?” The words come dripping out and he can’t
contain his emotions anymore, doesn’t know what he’s going to tell Yato later…
Presuming he gets to leave.
“You want to protect Yaboku right?” Another false smile and this time Fujisaki
leans forward and picks the teapot up. He pours himself a cup, reaches for a
small container on the table and adds a splash of milk. “That’s why you came
here after all.” Auburn eyes peer up and Yukine feels like he’s being
challenged.
“What’s your point?” The blond counters.
Fujisaki hums, thinks to himself and Yukine knows he’s stalling, can see it in
the way he lazily stirs the milk and tea in his cup. He lifts the cup a second
later, takes a sip and slowly sets it back down. “You really have no manners at
all do you?” The brunet’s words carry a hint of disdain and he tilts his head
to the side. “I offer you tea and rather pricy treats and you haven’t tried a
thing.”
The sudden change in topic as the teen irate. He digs his nails deeper into his
palms, wants to slap the tea cups across the room, hear them shatter against
the wall. This man was infuriating and Yukine felt like he was just stalling
for no reason other than his own amusement. He crosses his arms over his chest,
looks off at a picture on the wall.
Silence envelopes the two and Fujisaki simply takes another sip of his drink.
He’s eyeing the small teen, studying his expression and posture, the way his
arms are crossed. The smile from before slowly starts to creep back onto his
face and it catches Yukine’s attention, makes his stomach twist.
“Make me a deal.”
“Of?”
“You come here, when I ask, entertain me and…” The brunet trails off, lips
curling into a Cheshire like grin. “…I won’t make Yaboku do anything he doesn’t
want to.”
“Explain.” Yukine lessens his grip on his arms, feels mildly less… less of
everything, of irritated and anxious, nervous and terrified.
“First take a sip of the tea I made.” Fujisaki nods to the untouched cup, “I’m
quite proud of it.”
“No.”
The brunet exhales through his nose and appears mutedly irritated at the
clipped reply. “This isn’t as fun as I had imagined it.” He leans forward,
places his elbow on the table and his chin against his hand. “I guess I’ll just
have to be patient with you.”
Yukine thinks that the room loses its formality all at once and it has him
surprised. He’s unsure of the others comment yet holds back his curiosity.
“What does…” He hesitates, doesn’t know what to think when auburn eyes turn
back to him. “What do you mean by entertaining you?”
Fujisaki smiles and there’s something too sweet and saccharine about it. “You’d
come here on specified days or times, whichever I choose, keep me company.”
There’s something too simple about it that has the blond on edge, has him
questioning everything that’s being said.
“I come here and… You’ll leave Yato alone…?”
“So long as you do as I ask.”
Yukine takes a small sip of the tea, feels like he’s signed his soul over to
the devil.
“When do you want me to come back?” He asks a moment later, can’t stand the
heavy silence of the room. Fujisaki makes a soft sound, closes his eyes as he
thinks.
“Come back on Monday, at…” He looks down at the watch on his wrist. “Three, and
do not be late. I cannot stand tardiness.” The brunet stands and makes his way
around the table, across the room towards the entrance of the apartment. Yukine
takes this as a cue to stand as well, follows after the taller male.
“I’d rather you be waiting outside then to be late. If you’re late I’m not
answering the door and Yaboku will be sent off on an errand of mine.” Auburn
eyes turn and glance back at the small blond. Yukine nods as they reach the
front door.
He doesn’t understand the look he’s being given, feels this itching under his
skin.
Fujisaki leans forward, crowds the smaller teen’s space. “Remember,” His words
are light and Yukine is a half second away from pulling back, from shoving the
brunet. “While you’re here Yaboku’s senses are muted. He can still pick up on
your feelings but just barely – but this doesn’t mean that you won’t blight
him.”
“Wha-“
“Be confident in your decisions.” Fujisaki leans back and unlocks the door.
The sudden light that enters the apartment forces Yukine to look away, has him
shocked by the force of it. He slips his shoes back on and takes a step
outside. The blond feels elated for some odd reason, can’t explain the terror
he felt about not being able to leave. He thinks that there’s something oddly
satisfying about the scent outside, about how the air feels lighter, cleaner in
a way.
“See you soon, Yukine-kun.” Fujisaki shuts the door and the teen can’t help but
feel repulsed by the way his names said.
-
There’s a nervous flutter in Yukine’s chest when he opens the door to Kofuku’s
house. He kicks his shoes off and nudges them off to the side. The scent of
food fills the air and “I’m home,” He calls out, steps up onto the landing.
Yukine walks into the living room, sees Yato lying on the ground with his shirt
riding up a little. His arms are outstretched and his hairs disheveled from who
knows what.
“Where have you been?!” It comes out as a whine and Yukine can’t help but
smile.
“I was out walking around the park.” A small white lie, something he distinctly
doesn’t feel guilty about.
“He’s been worried.” Kofuku is standing in the doorway that leads to the
kitchen, has a baby potato on the end of her fork. She’s eyeing him up and down
in a way the blond hasn’t seen before and it makes him nervous.
Yukine gives a small laugh, doesn’t know what to do.
“You were upset earlier.” She takes a bite of the potato and walks back into
the kitchen.
“Upset…” The blond turns back to Yato, can’t explain the feeling he gets from
the god. He thinks it’s the same way he’d feel about a dog or a cat and yet…
“What happened?” Yato isn’t looking at him now, is just staring up at the
ceiling. “It was… it felt like the time you met the little girl that was taken
by the ayakashi.” Yukine sits down next to the other, looks over at the
television that’s playing, watches the images flicker across the screen.
“I ran into a demon.” It’s not a total lie…
Yato sits up, bright blue eyes boring into the back of the teens head. He’s
curious now, yet still worried, waits to hear more.
“It was probably an ayakashi but it freaked me out.” Yukine glances at Yato,
shoulders drooping. “I thought it had a mask on, one of those white ones…” The
raven knows what he’s referring to, can feel the swirl of pain from the teen at
the memory of his lost friend.
Yato launches himself forward, toppling the two of them to the ground. “Good
grief, I was terrified when your anxiety just stopped.” He’s rubbing his face
against the blond’s chest, nuzzling him like a cat. “You should have called!”
The lavish gesture is partly to stop Yukine’s train of thoughts, to keep him
from thinking about Suzuha.
The blond rolls his eyes, tries to pry the god from him. “I don’t have a
phone!” He feels embarrassed and it does nothing but spur the other on. “How am
I supposed to call when I’m freaking out?!”
“Yukine-kun has a point.” Daikoku’s standing where Kofuku just was, looking
down at the two of them. “Dinner’s ready.” He adds, “Go sit at the table.” He
turns and leaves the room, seems intent on letting them have their moment. The
small teen seems to deflate, goes almost boneless in Yato’s grip.
“Food sounds so good.” He says, can’t seem to remove the image of Fujisaki and
the table from his mind.
Yato doesn’t move and the room is filled with the soft chatter from the
television. “We’ll go get you a phone tomorrow morning.” He says quietly.
Yukine sits up at this, is actually shocked. “Seriously?” He never expected
Yato to suggest such a thing, had expected the stingy god to hold out forever,
literally.
“I was scared.”
The words seem to echo in Yukine’s mind.
“Sorry.”
He feels horrible.
***** Sucralose *****
Chapter Summary
     When he stands back up, is turning to look at the other, he feels an
     arm against his side, a hand wrapping around his waist, fingers
     brushing over where his navel sits. The blond’s body goes still...
Chapter Notes
     Get some tissues or a stuffed toy to hug.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
                    “The path to paradise begins in hell…”
Yukine feels like he has something crawling all over him with the way his skin
itches. He feels off, anxious all over again and it’s starting to ware on him.
He didn’t sleep well the night before and he feels a bit irritated from it,
grouchy even. The blond’s mood was lowered even more by the fact that Yato had
just taken off without him that morning. They were supposed to go together when
a customer called.
Together
Yukine glares at the pale gray cement outside of Fujisaki’s apartment. He knows
it isn’t quite three, that he’d shown up a little early in fear of being late.
The blond still didn’t have a phone and he wasn’t exactly holding his breath on
it either. He knew Yato didn’t have much money saved up.
A soft sound to his side has Yukine going still.
“Ah – I see you’re on time.” Fujisaki is standing there in a matching school
uniform to Hiyori’s and it sends a wave of uneasiness down the smaller teens
back. The brunet pulls his keys out and opens the door, waits for Yukine to
enter before following inside.
The air is the same as before, is still and quiet, silent almost.
It makes Yukine uncomfortable.
Fujisaki walks past the blond and slips his shoes off with ease. He steps up
onto the polished wooden surface with just his socks on. “I got a game I want
to play.” The brunet seemingly ignores how the smaller teen hesitates.
Yukine’s a bit slower to remove his shoes, nervous as he slips them off. “A
game…?”
Auburn eyes turn and stare at him, mild irritation showing in them. “Yeah, like
an actual game – one of the guys in my class lent it to me but it’s a 2
player.”
Yukine doesn’t know what to think about this, had this weird idea in his mind
that Fujisaki did nothing but plot about destroying gods and what he should
make Yato do next. He steps up onto the landing and follows after the brunet.
The room at the end of the hall belongs to the older teen and it’s weirdly
bright. The sun is shining in through the large windows just above the bed,
bathing the room in a warm golden orange. Everything inside is meticulously
placed, is dust free and in near perfect condition. Yukine doesn’t know what to
do with himself as Fujisaki sets his school bag down on a desk. He loosens the
tie around his neck and glances over at the smaller teen.
“Don’t just stand in the doorway.” The brunet is grinning as he says this,
seems amused at how meek Yukine is.
Yukine who is normally lively and has a sharp tongue, who scolds Yato on
everything.
“Where should I sit?”
Fujisaki glances over at the bed, seems to be thinking something and Yukine
wants to revolt, wants nothing to do with what the other owns, with sitting on
something that is distinctly his. Orange eyes drift down and he notices the
television in the corner of the room.
“Just sit here.” The chair from the desk is pulled out and placed near the
television. “I’m going to get something to eat from the kitchen, would you like
anything?”
“No…?” The word comes off as a question and the blond internally scolds
himself. Fujisaki stares at him a second longer and it causes Yukine to grow
uncomfortable. He doesn’t say anything as he leaves the room.
The brunet comes back a few minutes later with a sandwich and places it on the
desk, turns the television on and starts up the gaming console. Yukine fights
off the urge to actually be excited to play games, half wonders if this is
really all the other wants of him. He knows that it’s not, has this lingering
sensation building in the back of his mind.
He can feel a thickness in the air, can feel the auburn eyes on him.
The small teen does his best to concentrate on the game he’s playing, a two
person fighter, except he can’t. He keeps losing the matches, has his character
thrown from the ring or hit too hard and after what feels like his 50th loss he
sighs heavily. Fujisaki is lying on his bed, on his stomach propped up by his
elbows with the controller in his hands. He ate his food a while ago, doesn’t
start the next match just yet.
Yukine can feel the eyes on him again, turns–
The sun is starting to set and he feels panic flood his entire being, is
standing abruptly. The brunet simply watches, lips curling up at the corners,
small and almost unnoticeable. “Anxious?” He asks and pushes himself up just a
bit more.
“Ah – how long did you want me to… stay…?” Orange eyes are turning towards the
door. Yukine is given a soft hum in response, and he watches with a bit of fear
seeping into his limbs.
He’s not scared of Fujisaki right now, which is weird and makes his chest feel
tight. He’s scared of the darkness outside, of the city lights flicking on and
the gloom that hangs over darkened alleyways. He’s scared of not being seen by
the people on the street, of being seen by the lost souls hiding in the
shadows, crying out.
He’s scared that they can smell Yato on him, can smell the god and his ethereal
being.
Fujisaki is standing up, moving slowly from his bed, is relishing in the
distant look on the small blonds face. He fights down the urge to smile, to
grin like he wants to, when orange eyes snap back to him. Yukine missed the
older teen standing, didn’t realize how close his face was until the window was
blocked from his view.
“You can go home now.”
Yukine’s gone from the room in a flash, is pulling his shoes on by the front
door, hand on the wall for support. He doesn’t want to sit down to do it,
doesn’t want to spend any longer in the apartment then he has to.
“I want you to come back tomorrow.” Fujisaki’s voice is light and Yukine thinks
the brunet is standing a few steps behind him. He has to crouch down to fix the
lacing of his right shoe, replies with a – “Sure, I’ll be here at the same
time.”
When he stands back up, is turning to look at the other, he feels an arm
against his side, a hand wrapping around his waist, fingers brushing over where
his navel sits. The blond’s body goes still, muscles tightening and he feels
something twist in his gut, something that makes him think this has happened to
him before, a long, long time ago. He feels it then, feather light, and his
skin feels like its on fire.
Yukine wants to burn his neck, claw at his skin till he’s bleeding and raw.
Fujisaki’s lips part and there’s the faintest of sensations, of a tongue
running over the spot that was kissed.
He thinks he’s going to vomit.
His body reacts on its own, senses going wild, skin pricking and hair standing
on end. Yukine feels like lightning might strike him down at that second. He’s
spinning, turning around, two fingers on his right hand pointed.
Lips part – “Boarder-li-”
His hand is grabbed, hard, harder, tight.
He’s shoved against the door so fast his head hits the strong wood, knocks the
air out of him and his teeth clack together. Yukine feels a pressure against
his throat and tries to move his free hand to claw at the arm.
There’s more pressure and his right hand, fingers still in the ready to make a
boarder-line, is pulled back from the wall and slammed against it again.
And again
And again
Tears are welling up in the corners of his eyes, his lips part and he gasps,
claws at the arm pressing against his throat. His vision is swimming and he
can’t see anything in the darkness of the hall, the sunlight from the room at
the end is fading fast, is casting them in a dim glow.
Everything is gray and black and navy blue.
Yukine lifts his leg up, goes to try and kick Fujisaki. He’s ripped away from
the door, small frame shoved to the ground, the stone landing where shoes are
lined up neatly. The side of his head, above his left eye makes contact with
the concrete covered linoleum, a sickening sound following suit, a crack that
reverberates in his skull. His head is spinning and he’s gasping for air like a
fish ripped from the ocean.
Fujisaki still has a tight grip on the small teen’s wrist, is squeezing so hard
that Yukine’s loosing sensation.
There’s a knee against his back, pinning him to the ground, his left arm pulled
back awkwardly beneath it. The blond struggles, tries to dislodge the larger
male above him. He makes a sound in his throat, a light growl and the grip on
his wrist tightens even more, bruising and causing his hand to go limp. He
feels fingers in his hair, pulling his head back up from the ground a few
inches.
His forehead makes contact with the concreate again, and it sends a ringing
through his ears, makes his body go limp. Yukine’s eyes are dazed, glassy and
staring off at the darkness of the hall. Everything is silent to him, his
hearing muffled by the ringing, by the throbbing sensation in his head.
“Don’t you ever try that on me again.” The words are deadly, spoken against the
nape of his neck, are followed by the sensation of something hot and wet.
He’s being licked again, feels teeth grazing against the shell of his ear. “I
will destroy everything you hold dear.” There’s more teeth and Yukine is
picturing Yato’s bright and cheery face, the smile the god gets when he’s with
Hiyori.
He wants to cry but his body has gone eerily numb.
“There’s going to be a change of plans.” The brunet squeezes the small teen’s
wrist again, lifting his right arm. “You’re going to come back in a week, I’m
going to send Yaboku out for some work.” Fujisaki pulls and there’s a strange
popping sound that reaches Yukine’s muted nerves.
His body feels like it’s been lit on fire from the inside out, the pain that
shoots up his spine, radiating from his shoulder. His eyes go wide and he lets
out a shout – a scream really – as his shoulder is dislocated. Yukine catches a
glimpse of the older teen’s expression, of the grin that’s split his face in
two. He feels the tears spill out from his eyes, lips parting –
“No please!” He’s begging, pleading with the other. “Please don’t!”
His wrist is slammed against the ground with so much force he chokes, bites his
tongue hard enough to bleed.
Fujisaki lifts the small hand again, fingers ghosting over the splotchy skin,
the darkening bruises. He thinks about how small the blond’s bones are, how
tiny his wrist actually is, how delicate it looks.
He smashes Yukine’s wrist against the ground
Again
And again
And again
Relishes in the screams the kid lets out, in how no one in the complex can hear
him.
“Don’t ever think of trying that again.” He says, words quiet in the dark, in
the stagnant air of the apartment.
Everything is dark and Yukine can feel nothing but pain and fear.
“You came here out of your own will, I promised to leave Yaboku alone if you
were to amuse me.” The brunet stands, lifts his body from the small teens with
ease. “This is your first and final warning. Come back in a week if you still
want to work on a deal.”
Yukine doesn’t move, just lies on the ground, can feel the dirt sticking to his
face from his tears.
“Come back and I’ll leave that moron alone, hell I’ll even leave Miss Iki
alone.” Fujisaki stares down at the crumpled body, has a sickeningly sweet
expression plastered to his face. “Now - Get. Out.” His words leave a bitter
taste in the blond’s mouth.
-
Yukine runs from the building, from the complex. He doesn’t know how he picks
himself up, how he manages to flee that darkened apartment. He’s for once glad
that no one can see him – that no one can see the panic on his face, the dirt
mixed with tears or the little bit of blood crusting at the corners of his lips
and on his chin. His heart is beating so fast that he knows Yato can feel it,
can just picture the god clutching his chest and breathing heavily.
The image sends guilt running rampant through his body and Yukine’s lips part,
a strangled cry coming out. He’s starting to cry again, vision swimming in a
mix of pain and guilt. He’s terrified that Yato’s going to be blighted by him –
again.
The teen stumbles, trips over the uneven sidewalk and lands on his face, his
shoulder hitting the ground. Pain blossoms behind his eyes and he feels like he
can’t breathe because of it. Everything around him is dark and the streetlights
are dim, swirling in his vision. He catches sight of a bright color, a
disgusting shade of pink and green and purple, glowing in the darkness.
“Smells…good…” Broken words in an inhuman voice. “Smells…so…good…”
Yukine scrambles, finger nails clawing at the ground as he pushes himself up,
left hand trembling. He takes off running, as fast as he can. The blond wants
to get out of the darkness as soon as possible, wants to hide in a convenient
store and bask in the fluorescent lights, sit in the corner until someone comes
to find him.
Hiyori always manages to find him – and this time is no different.
He darts around the corner, lost in the neighborhood so far from the
apartments, headed for the brightest lights he can see when he comes full force
into another person. Yukine hisses in pain at the contact with his arm, falls
back onto the ground.
There’s the clink of something glass hitting the sidewalk, rolling and the
sound of soda fizzing follows.
“Oh my…” Such a sweet voice, kind and always caring.
Yukine still flinches at every sound, tries to pull back, terrified of anything
that’s sweet sounding. He’s leaning heavily on his left arm when she moves
towards him. “Y-Yukine-kun!” Hiyori’s voice is shaky, as she drops the small
plastic bag from the convenient store. The blond scrambles back, elbow locking
and he drops back onto the ground.
Hiyori grabs for his arm, his right, to try and stop him from hitting his head.
He screams and she rips her hand back like she’s been burned.
“…Yukine-kun…” Her words are so soft that he doesn’t hear her, not over the
blood rushing past his ears, his heavy breathing.
“Wh…what happened…” Hiyori kneels on the ground, tries to inch closer but stops
when the blond curls up, tries to make himself as small as possible.
He phone is ringing in the background, was dropped when she dropped the small
plastic bag. It keeps ringing, hits the fourth chime before going quiet.
There’s an eerie silence that follows, the air still and not moving.
Yukine feels consumed with fear and guilt, has this weird thought that if he
closes his eyes everything will be okay when the sun comes up.
Everything is always a-okaywhen the sun is out.
“Let me take you to the hospital… I can… I can have my dad look at you…”
Hiyori’s words are shaking, “Unless you need to go to a shrine?” She doesn’t
know what to do, can’t even get close enough to look at the smaller males
injuries. She can see the bruises on his face though, and that she knows is
from a person.
Hiyori doesn’t know which scares her more.
The two jump when her phones starts to ring again, blaringly loud in the quiet
night air. She glances back at it, questions where Yato is at the moment.
“Please let me take you to the hospital?” Shaky words and she inches forward
again, the gravel harsh against her knees. Yukine doesn’t move this time, is
still tense and curled up on the ground. He lets her get close enough to
lightly touch his hair, his cheek.
He flinches, squeezes his eyes shut.
“O-Okay…” The words are breathed out over trembling lips. “But… but let me go
to your house first.”
She nods, wants to help him up but is scared to try and touch him. Hiyori never
wants to hear someone ever scream like that again. She stands slowly, at the
same time as Yukine, hands out to try and help. Her phone starts ringing again
and she just knowsthat it’s Yato.
When they’re finally standing again she turns to pick the bag back up, her
phone that landed on the ground beside it. Her screen is glowing with the
incoming call, with Yato’s name and face plastered on the screen. Hiyori is
about to answer when she hears Yukine.
“Please don’t…” Her eyes dart back towards him and he’s looking at her, eyes
wide and tears spilling out still.
“But he’s worried – I know he is…”
“I…” Yukine’s words are shaking “I don’t want him to see me like this…”
-
Hiyori is pacing back and forth in the hall, has every light inside the house
on, has every door open except the ones that lead outside. She has her phone in
her hand, had called her mother for a ride over to their families hospital.
Yukine’s inside the bathroom, has the sink running as he wipes some of the dirt
from his face, the blood from his chin and lips.
He’s trying to fix his appearance, trying not to look as bad as he feels.
There’s a light tap on the door, hesitant, followed by. “Yukine-kun my mother’s
here…” He opens the door and the brunette is a bit surprised to see his hair
fixed and the dirt gone. She’s a bit scared at how easily he made himself look
almost okay again…
The vacant look in his eyes tells her otherwise.
Her phone rings, for the tenth time since they returned to her house. It’s
Kofuku’s house phone this time and Hiyori hesitates, watches Yukine head down
the hall and turn the corner. She waits till he’s down stairs before answering.
“Hiyo-chan!” Kofuku’s voice is a bit panicked. “Have you seen Yukine-kun?!
Yatty is freaking out and he got stung and –“
“I found him!” The brunette covers her mouth and the bottom of her phone as she
speaks. “But I’m taking him t-to get looked at and I’ll bring him home, I know
Yato must be worried but Yukine said he didn’t want to see him yet.”
“What happened? Yatty’s been having problems breathing and –“
“Hiyori?!” Her mother’s voice calls up the stairs.
“I have to go!” She snaps her phone shut, feels bad for cutting Kofuku off like
that.
-
The hospital is as brightly lit as ever, holds this feeling of safety when the
front doors slide open and shut behind them. Hiyori’s mother keeps glancing
over at Yukine, at the bruises on his head and cheek. The brunette said he was
an underclassman, that she helped him with school work on occasion.
Not a total lie.
“So what happened?” Her father asks the second they’re in a private room.
Yukine’s sitting on the examination bed, feet dangling over the edge. Hiyori
and her mother are standing in the hall. The room is filled with the quiet hum
of fluorescent lights.
“I fell.”
Her father makes a soft sound, doesn’t know where to start. The lie is
blatantly obvious and he doesn’t know what makes it worse, the way the small
teen flinches when someone tries to touch him, or the way he says this like it
isn’t the first time.
“Well, let’s start with what hurts…”
“My shoulder… wrist…”
His jacket is slowly removed and Hiyori’s father can see from the blond’s
movements that its more than likely dislocated. He gives a small sigh, sends
the teen for x-rays. It takes a while, a couple of hours really, to get
Yukine’s arm to pop back into place.
He hates that he had to give the kid some medicine to calm him down, to loosen
his joints to do so.
And yet he keeps insisting that he simply fell.
What upsets the man the most is the marks on the blond’s wrist, the clear shape
of fingers having been placed there, curled so tightly around bone. The
fractures tell another story, one that makes him pinch the bridge of his nose
and bring his daughter close.
“What happened?” He asks her, and Hiyori just shakes her head, eyes downcast.
“He won’t tell me…”
“He says he fell…” Hiyori’s father looks up at his daughter from where he’s
sitting, looking at the x-ray on his computer. “The bruising pattern on his
wrist and the marks on his forehead… they…” He stops, shakes his head.
“Does your friend have problems at home? Do his parents… fight…argue?”
“What no – Ya-” Hiyori stops herself, lowers her voice because Yukine’s sitting
in the hall, has his arm in a sling and a brace on his wrist. “His family would
never hurt him…” She says, words quiet.
She thinks about Yato lying on Kofuku’s floor, waiting for Yukine to return.
“Can… can I take him home now…?”
It’s almost midnight.
Her father sighs and nods. Hiyori turns and starts to walk away when she’s
stopped, her hand being caught, the grip gentle. “His injuries display domestic
abuse patterns. If anything happens to him again please bring him here, we
won’t charge him.” Bright eyes stare down at the older man, and she doesn’t
know how to respond. “The way he lies about this – it’s not something new for
him…”
Hiyori nods and leaves the office.
She finds Yukine sitting in the corridor, orange eyes open and staring up and
the bright lights, watching a moth flutter around one. His expression is blank
and dazed. The brunette thinks about when Yato first met Yukine, when he was
named.
She remembers some of his actions when he stayed the night at her place, some
of the things he said.
Hiyori wants to ask Yato if he knows anything about when Yukine was alive.
“Hey there…” She sits down in the chair beside him, a weak smile on her lips.
“Let’s get you back to Kofuku’s place.”
-
When the door opens up and Yukine walks in, Yato is scrambling to his feet.
He’s too slow and within seconds the blond is kneeling down beside him, is
pressing his forehead against the god’s collar bone. His left arm is curling
around the other and Hiyori can see from the entrance that Yukine is trembling.
She watches as Yato pulls him close, as he whispers against blond hair.
Hiyori has never seen Yukine look so small and broken and it hurts.
It hurts her in a way she never knew could happen.
Kofuku touches her arm, pulls her off into the other room.
“What… You have to tell me what happened…” Yato is touching the small teen, is
lightly running his fingers down his right arm, doesn’t touch his shoulder.
He knows where the blond was hurt, knows because he felt a muted sensation of
it.
A muted sensation that was vibrant in angry reds and had his throat closing up.
Yukine doesn’t say anything, stares down at his lap; the tatami mats they’re
sitting on. He can feel Yato’s fingers move towards his wrist, lifting it
gently and ghosting over the brace. He wants to look, wants to see the damage
done.
“…don’t…” Yukine feels like crying again and it catches the god off guard, has
him sucking in a breath at the sensation, at the dark stormy blues clouding his
vision.
He pulls the teen close, wants to cover him, hide him from the world.
In the pit of his stomach he has an idea who would do this, is mentally begging
to be wrong.
“Please, tell me…” Yato swallows around the growing lump in his throat, doesn’t
know if it’s his own or a transfer from Yukine. Fingers ghost over the blond’s
chin, tilt his head up – he looks at the bruises, can practically see in his
mind what happened.
Blue eyes focus on the orange, on the tears spilling out.
“Who…”
“Fujisaki…”
Yato’s chest throbs and he pulls Yukine close, is careful of his shoulder and
wrist. Yukine let’s Yato’s fingers dig into his sides, welcomes the tightness,
the warmth that surrounds him from the other.
He feels safe for the first time that night.
“Yukine…” The way Yato’s words shake has a wave of nausea rippling through
Yukine’s body, has him clinging tightly to the god’s shoulders. “He… called me
earlier…”
The blond chokes, can feel the fear filling him – safety is an illusion, easily
shattered.
Yato tries to pull him closer, welcomes the biting sensation of nails digging
into his shoulder.
“He said he’d break you if I didn’t come see him tomorrow…”
“Please don’t!” Yukine already feels broken, is sobbing again, curling up
against the god.
Yato is filled with dark gray’s and navy blues, with a gaping void in his
chest. He pulls his shinki closer, wants nothing more but to protect him as
much as he’s been protected.
“Please don’t leave me…” The words are hollow and it hurts.
 
Chapter End Notes
     Sorry this took so long, back at the end of April I had to get
     stitches on my hand that took well over a month to heal. I was also
     delaying the breakdown of Yukine...
     Next chapter is Cyclamate
***** Cyclamate *****
Chapter Summary
     “Everything I do is for Yato!” Kazuma hits him near the teen’s right
     shoulder, is a bit surprised by the sudden pained hiss.
     “If that’s true then why are you hiding up here in Takamagahara?!” He
     snaps back...
Chapter Notes
     This feels lack luster to me, but it's necessary for story
     progression. I also made a blog that's specific for writing and has a
     status updates page where anyone can check on a chapters progress and
     view up coming works. The Tumblr url is Lafyel, I occasionally take
     requests as well.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
 
                “…and to a place I come where nothing shines…”
Yukine wakes up to a throbbing pain - an ache on the side of his head, a tender
spot above his left eye. He lifts his hands, goes to rub at his eyes but stops.
He feels the soft brace on his wrist that he’d received the night before.
Yukine stares at it, through sleepy eyes, spreads his fingers out slowly.
There’s a tinge of pain the more he moves his hand.
It leaves him with a lingering sense of regret.
The blond sits up, props himself up with his left hand and looks about the room
he shares with Yato.
The god’s bed is folded up, is pushed off to the side. The blankets are gently
folded, have been placed beside the futon, pillows stacked atop them. Yukine’s
lips part, tremble just a bit. He digs his nails into his own bedding, pulls at
the fabric. The sunlight cascading in through the window is dim, lets him know
it’s just after dawn.
Yato never wakes up this early.
He falls back onto his pillow, rolls over onto his side and pulls the blankets
over his head. Monsters can’t get you under the covers. The blond bites down on
his lower lip, hard – tries to distract himself from the sensation crawling up
his back, grabbing his throat and stinging his eyes. He had asked Yato – had
begged and pleaded with him to not go.
But the god went anyways.
-
Yukine wakes up to a gentle voice, soft words at his back. He can feel a
hesitant touch against his shoulder, light and fleeting. He knows its Hiyori,
can smell her perfume through the blankets, through the musty air in the room.
For a brief moment Yukine thinks about cleaning, about making Yato help him air
the room out, about washing their bedding. The idea slips away when the ache
sets in, when he rolls onto his back and pulls the sheets down from around his
face.
“Good afternoon sleepy head.” She’s trying, has this concerned look in her
bright eyes and it has the smaller teen closing his own. He doesn’t want to
deal with this right now, doesn’t want to be awake.
He wants to sleep till Yato comes back.
He can’t blight the god while he’s sleeping, can’t cause him any transferred
emotions.
“I brought you some Motrin from the hospital.” Hiyori sets a small pill bottle
down beside the futon. “My father thought you might need a pain killer, so he
wrote a prescription for you… well me, but it’s for you.” She shifts a little
and Yukine watches her hair slip over her shoulder, catching the light.
“What’s Motrin…?” He asks, for lack of anything better to say. He doesn’t sit
up, just rolls so that he’s lying on his side, facing the brunette.
“Just a simple pain killer, it’s not a narcotic so you won’t get loopy from it
or anything like that.” She smiles and the blond realizes her left hand is
still behind her back, is holding something. Hiyori follows his gaze and turns
her head away.
“I expected you to be up already, so I’m sorry if you needed to sleep more,
but…” The pink tale behind her flicks back and forth, is a bit mesmerizing to
watch. “I didn’t want to wait till school was over.” She looks a bit
embarrassed, has a soft color coming to her cheeks. “I had also hoped Yato
would be here but I can’t help it.” Purple eyes turn back and catch Yukine’s
orange for a second. She looks away again, nervous and the smaller teen finds
it endearing.
“I’m only here while my class is in PE, so I can’t stay for too long.” Hiyori
hesitates before placing a paper bag with twine loops for a handle beside the
bed. “I didn’t know what kind you liked and Kofuku had come with me to the
store, so you can imagine how that went.” The girl is starting to babble now,
is looking anywhere but at Yukine’s face.
The blond is staring at the bag, at the logo printed on the front.
“Is that a…?” He doesn’t even move to touch it, is staring like the object
might disappear if he looks anywhere else.
“Ah… yes… Kofuku, Daikoku and I went this morning before school started…”
“You got me… a phone…?” Yukine pushes himself up a little, rests his weight on
his elbow. “How am I going to pay you for this?”
“What? No – it’s a gift!” Hiyori worries her lower lip, “It’s been a while
since we first met, almost a year now? Or well I think it’ll be a year in a
couple months? I don’t know when your birthday is but I just, and…” She doesn’t
need to say it, doesn’t need to add in the last little bit.
They both know it’s a security measure, after what happened yesterday.
“But the monthly bill?”
“Daikoku said you’ll pay for it by helping out at the shop. You already work
there enough to begin with, so a couple more hours a week and doing chores
around the house will cover the cost of it.” Hiyori hums a little, a nervous
smile on her lips. “So please don’t worry about it, really, we’ve been talking
about it with Yato for a while now, and he’s been trying his best to get you
one.”
Yukine pushes himself up the rest of the way, crosses his legs as he picks the
bag up. He pulls the small box out and opens the case, stares down at the shiny
screen.
“We had the phone set up for you, but you can tinker with it all you’d like.”
Hiyori reaches into the bag and pulls out a solid plastic wrapped phone case.
“I picked this one out for you, but if you don’t like it we can exchange it for
another. They have a lot of colors.”
“No, it’s fine.” Yukine eyes the dark grey case the brunette’s holding before
turning back to the actual phone. He plucks it out of the box gently and
presses a button on the side.
“The unlock screen is here.” Hiyori shifts over to sit next to him on the bed,
points at one of the other buttons on the side. “This one does the volume, and
this is your home button.” She waits a second for the smaller blond to fiddle
with the buttons, is more than a little pleased to see the soft smile on his
face.
She tries not to think about the bruises, about the discoloration near his eye.
“We programed our numbers into it already. You have Kofuku’s, Daikoku’s, the
house number here, the shop’s phone number, mine, Yato’s and even my home
phone.” She nudges Yukine’s side with her elbow playfully. “If you want to make
a twitter account I’ll help, you know how much Yato likes it.”
Yukine gives a small smile at that, one that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“I’ll think about it.” He says, “But right now I’d like to sleep a little bit
more.”
Hiyori’s expression drops, “I see.” She says. “I’ll come back after school,
okay?”
“Yeah.”
She stands, a bit hesitant and feeling more than a little awkward. Part of her
is irritated and wants to nag him, another part is more than just a little
concerned. She stops at the door, glances back only to see the small blond
curling up again, blankets pulled high and over his head.
She’s only ever seen him do that when something is seriously upsetting him.
-
“Yatty has been gone for almost a week now.” Kofuku’s lying by the door that
leads to the garden, staring up at the sky, at Hiyori whose holding a bag of
treats from the convenience store. The brunette frowns at this, her pink tether
trailing behind her.
“He still isn’t back?” She moves to sit down beside the goddess, slips her
shoes off.
“I’m worried about Yukki.” Kofuku pushes herself up on her elbows, lets her
head tilt back. She watches the garden upside down, “He does nothing but
sleep.”
Hiyori makes a sound, wonders about inviting her friend out for some food or
shopping or really just anything. She glances over at the cheese buns she
brought back with her, feels a bit guilty. She should have taken him with her
to get it, should have brought her body instead of leaving it at home. Kofuku
moves so that she’s sitting, has her back facing the garden and her head tilted
down.
“Make me a bet.” She says, eyes on her finger nails.
“O-okay?” Hiyori isn’t sure what to make of the smaller female when she’s like
this.
“I bet it’ll be sunny later.”
“Sunny…?” The brunette glances at the sky, at the soft clouds and blue that
seems to stretch on. “Seems like it will.” Her shoulder is bumped and she
glances at the goddess leaning against her.
“I bet Yatty is off having fun and won’t be back for a long time.” Kofuku turns
and wraps her arms around Hiyori’s shoulders, presses her face there. “What do
you have to bet against me?” Her words are soft, muffled by her arms.
“I have… cheese bread… and some melon soda.”
“I do like junk food.” Kofuku laughs beside her although it’s a bit hollow
sounding. “Let’s hope I win, they sound delicious.”
Hiyori smiles lightly, can’t bring herself to reply before being tugged
backwards and made to lie against the floor. She turns to look at the goddess
who moves to lie on her side, has her eyes turned towards the sky.
“Yukki went to Takamagahara earlier today.”
“Did he go to see Kazuma-san?”
“I think he’s trying to make time move faster…”
-
Yukine feels awkward standing outside of Bishamon’s home. He’s crouched down in
the trees and shrubs to keep himself from being seen, has taken care not to
move too close to the gates. He still isn’t sure if he wants to go visit them,
doesn’t want to be asked about bruises around his left eye, about the brace on
his wrist. He looks down at his hands, makes a loose fist with both. The teen
winces at the sensation he gets from his right, lets his fingers go slack.
The blond thinks he probably should have taken one of the pills Hiyori brought
him.
He glances back at the large wall surrounding the extensive mansion, really
hopes that he can’t be detected. Yukine has his old blue sweatshirt on, has the
hood pulled up and over his hair, a small attempt at hiding the bruises.
There’s an uneasiness in his stomach, a swirl of nerves and doubt that rise up
into the back of his throat.
He’d managed to pull himself out of bed that day, had woken up early and wasn’t
able to sleep anymore – thinks that it has something to do with the fact that
he’d slept for almost a week straight. Yukine dragged himself into the shower,
had spent far too long staring at his reflection in the mirror afterwards. He
still wasn’t sure if the bruises were too prominent, if Kazuma and Bishamon
would accept being told it was from a…
Yukine slides against the tree and sits on one of the roots sticking up.
…from a what?He thinks, feels a bit like a fool at his own thought process.
From a phantom?
From falling down the stairs?
From hitting his head against…
He laughs and it’s empty sounding, knows that if anyone were to look at the
discoloration on his wrist the answer would be obvious. The teen doesn’t even
know what he would want to ask Kazuma about, or even a good reason for visiting
the other. He just knows that being here would pass time faster. Yukine doesn’t
know what to do without Yato, can feel the sinking sensation in his gut with
every passing day.
He’s too wrapped up in his own head to hear the soft snap of a branch, of
someone approaching him.
A second later there’s a flurry of movement.
The blond catches a glimpse of a person to his right and he stands, tries to
dart off into the small forest. His right forearm in grabbed and it causes him
to turn, to rip his arm back and hold it close to his chest. He backs up while
doing so, bumps into another body. Yukine can’t explain the sudden panic he
feels or even why he’s so scared to be seen. He’s about to run again when both
arms are grabbed and this time the grip is lower, is over the soft brace.
It’s too close and he lets out a pained sound, kicks at whoever’s to his right.
Kazuma is knocked back and Yukine’s hit on the back of his head, crumbles down
onto ground. His vision is spinning as he holds his arm to his chest, feels a
seething anger gnaw at his gut. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone, he’s
realized that now and he feels foolish.
The blue hood over his head is pulls back and –
“Yukine-kun?” Kazuma sounds a bit surprised, has his fingers pointed at the
blond ready to attack. “Kuraha, you can relax now.” He calls out and there’s
more steps. Yukine doesn’t dare look up yet, realizes that the older man was
waiting in the direction he was about to run. “You and Kinuha can go inform
Bishamon that it was a false alarm.”
“Are you sure?” Kinuha asks from behind Yukine and he shifts slightly, moves
his left hand to pull his hood back over his head. He’s too slow or too obvious
or still viewed as a slight threat because Kazuma points at him – “Restraint.”
Yukine’s frozen in place, half way to reaching for his hood.
He feels a bubble of shame course through him.
“Yes, I’m positive. I’ll be back inside in a little bit.” There’s the sound of
leaves moving, of twigs snapping as the two head towards the mansion. Kazuma
waits for a moment, listens to the quiet sounds of the forest before crouching
down. “What are you doing out here? You had me worried that someone was trying
to spy on us.” He reaches for the blonds head, tilts it so that they’re looking
at each other.
Yukine can pinpoint the exact moment when Kazuma sees the bruises.
“What happened?”
Orange eyes fix on auburn colored hair, try to focus on anything other than the
older males face, the expression he’s being given.
“Yukine-kun?” The name releases him and he instantly pulls his hood over his
head, turns and looks down. When he doesn’t reply, doesn’t even make a move to
do so Kazuma frowns, pushes himself up and straightens his clothes.
“How’s… Yato doing?”
“I don’t know.” The blond’s shoulders are hunched and he has this look of
defeat that worries the older shinki. “He’s disappeared again.”
Kazuma makes a sound and reaches for Yukine’s arm, his bicep to be more
precise, and tugs gently. “I know you wrist is hurt.” He pats some of the
foliage from the small teen’s clothes, from his knees. “I felt the brace when I
grabbed you.” Kazuma turns him and gives him a nudge towards the house. “You
kicked me pretty hard too for it.” He adds, trying to lighten the mood. Yukine
takes a few steps, slow and uncertain. He’s given a light pat on the back,
reassuring almost. “How about we have lunch together – you seem like you could
use the company.”
Kazuma wants to ask why Yukine didn’t fight back, why he didn’t make a line.
When they reach the edge of the trees the blond stops. “I… don’t want to go in
there.” He says, and it’s in such a quiet voice that it has the other shinki
worried. “I got hurt because I did something stupid.” His own words sound a bit
hollow and he isn’t sure why it amuses him. He’s scared of being stared at, of
the looks he might get from the dark splotches around his eye. They aren’t
normal wounds a shinki gets, are obvious signs of a fight, one he clearly lost.
Yukine gives a sharp laugh, one that causes Kazuma to frown deeply. The sound
is twisted and broken, has the older male wondering how long Yukine’s been
dealing with this, how long Yato’s been missing.
“Don’t,” The taller male takes on a stern tone, “You can’t think like that.” He
isn’t sure where to start, wants to scold the small male for his thought
process. “Once you start you won’t be able to stop.” He wants to give some kind
of guidance to the teen, wants to try and help him like he always has.
“So?” Yukine’s looking at him now, orange eyes bright and vibrant from beneath
his hood. “It’s not like Yato’s here – I’m the reason he left anyways.” There’s
too many emotions spilling out, through his eyes and tone of voice, his words.
It’s everything he’s been trying to avoid, to pack away and just sleep through.
He doesn’t think he can keep them pushed down any longer.
Kazuma can’t help but think about how the blond acted before his ablution,
feels like he’s catching a glimpse of what he was like back then. “Just because
he isn’t here doesn’t mean he can’t feel you.” His words are soft and seem to
resonate within the smaller male.
“That doesn’t matter!” Yukine snaps, words coming out louder then they need to
be.
“Yes it does - and it’s not your fault.” Kazuma wants to slap the child before
him, feels his irritation bubbling up. “If you think negatively or look down on
yourself you’re going to blight your master!” The older shinki can’t help but
think about his own encounter with Yato’s father, about Tsuguha’s death that
resulted in it. He knows he needs to control his emotions, to not let Yukine’s
words bother him, except he doesn’t think he can do that. Not when the teen is
insulting everything Kazuma works so hard for, everything he tries to teach the
younger shinki.
“I know that!” Yukine reaches up covers his left eye and the bruises around it,
fingers brushing against his hair. “I’m trying and it’s my fault and I can’t
sleep anymore!” There’s a wetness to his eyes, one that catches Kazuma off
guard. “I want him to come back because I don’t know what to do and I’m scared
he’s going to get hurt and I can’t help him!”
“It’s not your fault!” The taller male pushes back verbally.
“But it is my fault!” Yukine can feel himself starting to cry, tears
threatening to spill out and the knot forming in his throat. He pulls at his
hair with both hands, can feel the sharp pain in his wrist. “It’s my fault
because I tried to draw a line!”
“Yukine-kun it’s not…” Kazuma takes a step towards the teen, “Trust me it’s not
your fault.”
“You don’t know that!” The blond’s shouting now, knows that anyone inside the
walls can hear them. “I just wanted to keep him safe!” His voice is starting to
shake and his vision is blurring. He hates himself like this, hates how weak
and useless he feels.
Yukine turns and hits right forearm and wrist against the nearest tree, can
feel the sharp bite of pain. The sensation takes his breath away, has him
blinking the tears from his eyes. He goes to do it again when Kazuma grabs for
him. “If you’re so dead set on protecting him then do it!”
He reaches back and slaps the teen on the right side of his face, hard against
his cheek. “You talk about wanting to protect him, about how you’re going to
help him become a better god yet you can’t even control your own emotions!”
Yukine lunges at Kazuma, punches him in his chest with his left hand. “I am
trying to help him!” He hits the taller male again, feels fingers grabbing at
his hair, pulling. “Everything I do is for Yato!” Kazuma hits him near the
teen’s right shoulder, is a bit surprised by the sudden pained hiss.
“If that’s true then why are you hiding up here in Takamagahara?!” He snaps
back, is growing increasingly frustrated with the small blond.
Yukine makes a sound, irritated at being held back by his hair. He kicks at the
older shinki, feels a bit of elation at the sound the other makes at the
contact. He lurches forward, shoves Kazuma to the ground and punches him with
his right hand. The pain that shoots up his arm knocks the wind out of him,
leaves him feeling breathless and he goes to do it again. Kazuma pushes and
shoves, glasses being knocked askew as he tries to grab at the blonds right
arm. They’re scuffling on the ground, hitting each other and its clear Yukine
is pushing, is shoving and provoking the other.
The back of his sweatshirt is grabbed and he’s yanked back, forearms grabbed
and held up. He kicks out a few more times, head dizzy from pain, doesn’t even
register who it is that’s holding him.
“What is going on?!” Bishamon’s voice rings out from above him and he tilts his
head back, stares up at the blonde woman. “The two of you are supposed to
exemplars and you’re out here fighting like children!” She looks furious and it
has Kazuma deflating instantly. He’s being held back by Kuruha, who looks a bit
unsure of himself. The brunet shakes himself free and instantly bows before
Bishamon, apologizing profusely.
The grip on Yukine’s arms lessen and she looks down at him.
He can see the exhaustion in her eyes, can hear it in her voice. “Follow me.”
She says, and her words hold little room for argument. Yukine pulls his hood
back over his head, stuffs his hands into the pocket on his sweatshirt. He
follows after the blonde woman, can feel the stares he gets from all the shinki
they pass by. Yukine knows he looks more than a little ruff, that there’s dirt
and grass stains on his clothes, dead leaves clinging to his knees.
He smiles a little to himself despite the throbbing ache of his right arm –
he’d managed to hit Kazuma so hard he knocked him to the ground.
Bishamon looks back at him as they stop in front of two large doors and he
forces himself to not smile, looks down at the ground. Her eyes run over his
appearance and he has a very peculiar sensation, thinks that he’s been scolded
like this many times in the past. He thinks it’s probably a remnant from when
he was living, that maybe he used to get into a lot of fights.
“Kazuma, go get cleaned up, Kuraha you can stand guard out here. I’m going to
have a chat with Yukine-kun.” She opens the door, which is to her office, and
waits for the small teen to enter the room. The door’s shut behind them, a lock
clicking into place and Yukine turns, a small bubble of panic rising up.
“Sit down over there.” The woman waves her hand in the direction of a couch,
heads over to her desk and opens up a drawer on the bottom. She shifts through
the contents for a couple of minutes before shutting it and moving to sit down
beside the teen. The woman has a slight headache growing, knows that it stems
from Kazuma’s frustration in dealing with Yukine.
The teen half expects her to lecture him and he doesn’t think he can sit there
for it, doesn’t think he really cares enough to hear it.
“If you blight him enough to need another ablution, so help me I’m going to
personally oversee it.” Bishamon places a small jar of ointment on the table
and holds her hand out, palm up like she’s expecting him to hand her something.
Yukine doesn’t know what she wants so he just looks at her face.
She sighs, “Your right hand, let me see it.”
Yukine’s wrist is throbbing now and he knows he’s done more damage to it, has
more than likely darkened the bruises. He doesn’t want to think about how he
might have done something worse.
The woman doesn’t wait for Yukine to decide on whether or not he wants her to
see it, she leans forward, reaching for his forearm. The teen jerks his arm
back out of instinct and it has her chuckling in a sad yet amused manner. “You
honestly can’t be worried about me hurting you if you punched Kazuma with it a
couple of times.” Bishamon holds her hand out again, “Now, let’s try this
again. Let me see your hand.” Her voice takes on a sternness that reminds the
teen of a mother speaking with an unruly child.
Yukine places his hand in hers, looks off at a distant wall in the office.
He marvels at how quiet the room is.
Bishamon gently pushes the teen’s sleeve up, eyes on the soft brace he’s
wearing. She hums quietly as she wraps fingers around his forearm, where the
brace stops. Yukine can feel her thumb over the material before tugging at the
Velcro strips holding it in place. The brace is removed, placed on the couch
beside them. Orange eyes drift back, are running over the dark blotches of deep
blue and purple that cover his wrist.  The woman’s fingers are lightly curled
around his arm, are more than a little cautious of hurting him.
“Yato… will have felt that – the pain…” The words are soft, have lost their
stern touch and it has the teen feeling guilty.
“I know…” He says and it’s soft, sad sounding. Bishamon bends his pinky, eyes
moving to his face as she does so. “You should be more attentive.” She says
even though it’s stating the obvious.
Sometimes the obvious is what needs to be said the most.
Each finger is bent and straightened out and Yukine hisses when she moves his
middle finger, goes to jerk his arm back when she moves to his index. He
doesn’t need to see her face to know she’s frowning. “I know…” He says quietly,
hopes that it keeps her from asking him anything, from explain why or how this
happened.
“You went to draw a line?” There’s fingers on his chin, tilting his head up.
Yukine’s forced to look at Bishamon’s face, at the sadness and fear in her
eyes. He can’t stand seeing her like that, not after how strong she was when
she helped pull Yato out of the underworld. He tries to pull back and look
away, can feel the grip on his chin tighten.
She’s looking at the bruises on face, around his left eye.
“I… can understand why he went…” Bishamon’s words make him feel like he’s
choking and he wants to curl up, wants to hide his face from her. “He didn’t
want to see this happen to you again…”
“Stop…” Yukine’s words crack as he feels fingers brushing his hair to the side.
“He didn’t leave you, Yukine-kun…”
“I know…” The knot in his throat is back and he feels helpless all over again.
He doesn’t want to hear the rest, doesn’t want to be reminded of how much Yato
actually cares about him. It’s easier to pretend he doesn’t, to be angry
instead of scared.
“He went to protect you.”
“…I know…”
Bishamon pulls him close, hugs him. She’s careful of his arm, of the bruises on
his face. “It’s better to cry,” She speaks against his hair, warm words against
the top of his head. “If you cry and let it out, you won’t blight him.”
Yukine shakes his head, squeezes his eyes shut, and curls his left hand into a
fist. He doesn’t want to be a burden – he wanted to protect Yato, not be
protected by him.
“He’ll feel you’re sadness, but he’ll know it’s because you miss him.”
“I don’t want him to feel this…” Yukine can feel the wetness at the corners of
his eyes even as he says this.
“Its okay – just cry for a little bit.” Bishamon hugs him tighter. “The two of
you taught me that it’s better to let it out than trying to bear it all on your
own.” She rubs at his back soothingly, holds him like a mother would with a
small child.
Yukine finally let’s himself cry.
-
He returns home sometime later, startles Daikoku with the state of his
clothing. The man starts to fret over the dirt and grass stains, starts asking
the teen about his wrist, about the redness of his eyes. Yukine waves him off,
says he took a tumble with Kazuma and that Bishamon had her apprentice doctor
look at his wrist.
“Are you sure it’s okay?” Daikoku asks.
“Its fine, Bishamon-san gave me this salve to put on it.” He waves the man off,
starts pulling the blue sweatshirt over his head. “They said something about it
helping with pain and how it’s made from the trees in Takamagahara? It’s better
for shinki then medicine that’s meant for the living.”
Daikoku takes the sweatshirt, stares down at the grass stain on the elbow.
Yukine turns to head up stairs. “I’m going to change…” He adds, and it’s calm
sounding. Kofuku smiles from where she’s lying on the floor, has the door to
the porch cracked open beside her.
There’s a cool breeze filtering through, one that signals the onset of a storm.
“You should close that,” The man says, “It’ll be bad if the tatami mats get
wet.” The goddess waves him off, stares up at the dark grey clouds rolling in.
“I’ll close it if it starts to rain.”
Daikoku frowns down at her for a second, wants to say that it’s obviously going
to, and if the floor gets wet she’ll be the one cleaning it up. He decides
against it and heads upstairs, intends on collecting Yukine’s pants to try and
get the stains out.
He knocks on the door and is a bit surprised at how quickly the blond opens it.
“I can wash them later.”
Daikoku smiles at him, “Its fine, I have to do laundry anyways. Besides I don’t
want them to stain.” He holds his hand out, waits for the teen to hand over the
jeans. “I know you like the sweatshirt otherwise you wouldn’t have given it to
me.” He gives a small laugh, one that has Yukine smiling.
The man realizes the blond has put a coat on.
“I’m going to go see Hiyori.” Yukine smiles as he slips past the other.
“Will you be back for dinner?” Daikoku asks, following the teen downstairs.
“I think so, maybe set it aside if I’m not?” He’s smiling again as he heads for
the front door, leans against the wall to pull his shoes on. There’s something
off about his expression and it isn’t till the teen is gone that the man can
place it.
“I think he was lying.” Daikoku says out loud, more to himself then to Kofuku.
“It didn’t…” He trails off, trying to explain his thought. The goddess looks up
from the magazine laid out before her.
“Why would he lie?” she asks, and there’s a low rumble outside, one that shakes
the walls of the house. “Maybe we should call him back?” There’s a nervousness
to her voice, one that Daikoku picks up on. He heads over for the phone and
dials the number for the teen’s cell, listens to it ring on the other end and
then faintly in the background, upstairs in the spare room.
-
Yukine looks up at the sky, at the dark clouds. He pulls the hood to his green
jacket up and over his head, can feel a wetness in the air, the soft spray of
mist against his face. He takes off at a slight jog, startles when the sky
lights up, bright and terrifying. He turns the corner when the clouds above let
out a rumble that shakes the buildings he’s passing.
The streets are almost empty as pedestrians run inside the closest shops, in
fear of being rained on, of being caught up in the worst of the storm. A strong
gust of wind rips down the street and pulls the hood from over his head, he
starts running.
Fujisaki forced Yato to leave as more than just a punishment towards him.
Yukine’s realized that in order for Yato to come back, he’s going to have to
make due on his promise.
Something that he hasn’t done since the first day…
The blond feels his gut twist as he reaches the older teen’s apartment complex,
as he climbs up the stairs. The railing is slick and he can’t get a good grip
on it. He tenses when the sky lights up, nearly trips at the crack of lightning
hitting the ground nearby. Yukine feels a little bit sick when he finally
reaches the apartment, when he reaches up and knocks with his left hand.
He half wonders if the brunet would be able to hear him over the storm.
The sound of a lock clicking open is almost too loud against the storm and the
teen fights the urge to tremble. Auburn eyes peer out at him, a grin slipping
onto the others face. Fujisaki leans against the door frame, has changed out of
his school uniform into casual clothes.
“Yukine-kun…” His voice is sickeningly sweet and casual. “I’ve missed you.”
Orange eyes look at him, hold a ferocity that has the older teen chuckling.
“You’re just in time for tea.” Fujisaki pushes the door open even farther,
inviting the blond into the dark apartment.
Yukine thinks he’s gone mad as he steps inside.
Chapter End Notes
     Acesulfame K is the next chapter
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