Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/998076.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling
  Relationship:
      Regulus_Black/Sirius_Black
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-10-09 Words: 2250
****** Remember Me When I'm Gone ******
by deardracula
Summary
     He couldn't find the words to tell Sirius to just stop talking and
     bloody think for three seconds because he was looking at him like he
     was so broken and the words Regulus' brain had formed into a sentence
     caught in his throat pathetically and scattered like roaches from
     light.
“Sirius, you're being stupid.” Regulus' hands hung limply by his sides as he
watched his brother storm around his room, throwing things in his trunk in a
blind fit of rage. “You don't need to act so rashly.”

Sirius raised his eyes slowly. They sat deeply in his skull, as gray and
disturbed as Regulus had ever seen them. He stopped suddenly, stepping towards
him, his hair falling away from his face purposefully to reveal a bruise
blooming across his cheekbone. “Tell me what you think I should do then,
Regulus. You want me to bend over for them?”

“You could stop being so insufferable, Sirius. You don't even have half a mind
to listen to anything they have to say-”

“As soon as they have something worth listening to, I'll be all ears.” Regulus'
mouth fell into a tight seam as Sirius turned away in a huff, his hair falling
into his eyes like a dark vial. He watched his brother pack away his three
favourite shirts and a worn pair of jeans, leaving room for his school robes
and some books, if he could manage.

“Where are you going to go? You don't have any money.” Regulus stepped up to
him, his arm stretched towards the silhouette of his brother uselessly.

“Maybe I'll go to James', just until I find work. Then I'll get a flat
somewhere or something.” His voice trailed off as he looked down at his fully
packed trunk.

His shoulders were collapsing in on themselves like rope was binding them
painfully as his head hung. Regulus' recognized his own t-shirt – thin cotton
pulled taught across the length of Sirius' back – under the pads of his fingers
as he tugged childishly at the sleeve. He looked miserable. Sick and weather
like he was fifty years older than he should be. His cheeks were sunken, his
skin was colorless and painfully premature strains of silver caught in the moon
light as they tried to hide among the black. “You could stay, you really
could,” he ducked his head into Sirius' line of sight. “I don't-I don't know
what I'm going to do without you here.” Sirius looked up at him, his eyelids
half-mast.

“You could always-” Regulus cut him off with a mournful shake of his head,
moving around to face him and knot his fists in the front of his shirt.

“You know I can't. I'm not like you. I just wish you'd stay. For me.” He shook
him softly, keeping his eyes locked on his pale fists balled in the dark green
fabric.

“I can't live with people who hate me and want to brainwash me into doing what
they want for them. And you shouldn't either! Why can't you just open your
bloody eyes and see that?” He closed his hands above Regulus' elbows and pulled
him closer. “If you stay here, you're just feeding into the system, Regulus.”

“Please.” He scoffed and tried to turn away before Sirius pulled him back
towards with a hand at the base of his skull.

“Leaving would be so easy. They can't do anything to you.” Sirius' eyes were
wide and pleading behind his fringe and Regulus searched them for some hint of
reassurance that he actually knew what he was talking about and had a plan for
the moment he walked out their front door. But of course he didn't because how
could he? All he found was panic and desperation in the deep cavities of his
pupils and it sent cold ribbons threading between his ribs and knotting along
his spine like a feeling he couldn't place. Didn't even want to think about it
really, didn't want to think about anything. He just wished none of it was
happening and his parents would stop or Sirius would stop and everything would
stay the same. He never thought things through, and maybe that’s what was
making Regulus feel so helpless. He never looked ahead for ten fucking minutes
to think that maybe the thing he was so keen on doing was actually a terrible
plan, like communism: brilliant on paper but in the end everyone is dead and
lost and someone else has to come in and clean up your damn mess.

But he couldn't find the words to tell Sirius to just stop talking and bloody
think for three seconds because he was looking at him like he was so broken and
the words Regulus' brain had formed into a sentence caught in his throat
pathetically and scattered like roaches from light. He opened his mouth like he
knew what he wanted to say but closed it almost suddenly, getting caught in the
swirling colors darkening around Sirius' eye.

“Sirius?” He wasn't sure why he said it or what it was supposed to mean, but
his fingers flattened against his brother's chest as Sirius caught his chin
with the hook of his hand and he could see something fall out of place behind
those endless gray pools. “Sirius.” He said more sternly, pushing him away, but
just so. Sirius' eyelids were drooping like they wanted to close, but kept a
firm lock on the identical set in front of him. Regulus didn't know what to do.
Should he push harder? Pull him closer? It could very well be the last time
they ever had a regular conversation and maybe the last time he could ever
properly look him in the eyes. He didn't have time to make up his mind though
because Sirius pressed his lips to the corner of his like he hadn't made up his
mind whether he was going for the cheek or the mouth.

Regulus made a surprised noise in the back of his throat and his eyes stayed
wide. Sirius' stupid-long eyelashes brushing against his cheeks were too close,
blurry and unfamiliar. He felt an arm wrap around his waist and then the heat
of Sirius’ body against his own from knee to chest. Regulus shook his head,
their noses knocking as he turned away. Sirius rocked his forehead against his
temple. “Come with me,” he could barely hear him, even with his mouth right
next to his ear, “come on.” He could feel him smiling against the side of his
face and the pounding of his heart beneath his fingers.

“Maybe.” He swallowed hard, knitting his eyebrows together. “Maybe if you knew
what you were doing.”

“We could figure it out. We could figure it all out together,” fists closed
around his belt at the small of his back. “Just give me a chance.”

Regulus wanted to shake his head. He wanted to run but he couldn't because at
that moment, he didn't want to be anything like his brother. Sirius was the
runner, not him. "I use to look up to you." His voice cracked miserably.

“Don’t.”

“But all you do anymore is give me reasons not to.”

“Regulus.” There were hands pawing at the sides of his face and Sirius’
forehead against his. His heart was pulsing on his tongue as they shared hot,
jagged breath between parted lips. "Don't, just. Not that. Don't say that. I
need you to believe in me. You of all people have to believe in me." What was
he supposed to say to that? There was absolutely nothing he could say or do to
make this situation any less horrible and sometimes he thought Sirius just said
those things to make him feel terrible.

He couldn't remember when their voices had fallen to whispers or when the
feeling of his brother's fingers ghosting over the dimples in his back had
become something he wasn't afraid of, but he was leaning in without thinking
about it and Sirius was letting him like it was the most natural thing in the
world.

Sirius' lips were hesitant, unsure and trembling, his hands impossibly heavy on
Regulus' bare back. The obscene smack of their mouths echoed in Sirius' still
bedroom and it kept Regulus grounded in some weird, twisted way he couldn't
even explain to himself.

His skin pricked as Sirius' moved his hands from his back to seal them around
his face; his palms callused, pulsing heat as his figures curled around the
curve at the base of his skull. He lifted his chin, lips falling open and fists
closing around Sirius' wrists.

With a pitiful murmur, Sirius broke away and buried his face in the hallow of
Regulus' neck, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close like he was
trying to step right into his skin and melt away into the spaces between his
ribs, making a home behind his lungs.

Regulus wanted to be more than this. Knows he can be more than this. He had
always known there was more to life than being broken, jagged pieces of his
brother's shadow. But Sirius was slipping away, chasing the morning light in
hopes of never returning to their childhood home, so he bit and licked his way
into his mouth, his hands fisted in defiantly long hair.

He let himself be walked backwards into the wall, Sirius breathing hotly on his
neck, licking a bruise into his skin. There was a knee between his legs, hands
ripping at the buttons of his shirt and the smell of Sirius everywhere. It made
him feel dizzy, vindicate, and he was positive it would never wash out of his
skin as long as he lived.

His shoulder blades poked sharply at the wall, the distinct rustle of hair and
fabric against paper broke the repetition as he slid along a poster Sirius had
hung up months ago. His breathing was labored as Sirius worked the flesh under
his jaw between his teeth, pale and smooth, too young to be burdened with the
sharp brush of hair. “Feels so good.” His breath caught in his throat and his
eyes clamped shut while Sirius peeled off his shirt and tossed it into the
darkness.

Sirius was rutting up against his hip and he was fucking himself down against
the thick coil of his brother’s thigh while the wiring in his head fell out of
place, catching fire and igniting something in his chest. There was someone
else’s tongue in his mouth for the first time in his life and it was his
brother's. God, it was Sirius', and he knew he should be scared or disgusted
but he couldn't remember why.

He felt the button of his jeans being thumbed open as Sirius pulled back, the
few inches he had over Regulus seemed towering as he pinned him against the
wall and looked down at him, a smirk cut into his face. He sank to his knees
and Regulus shook his head. “Wait.” His voice broke like a kid and his face
colored brightly. Sirius looked up at him with raised brows while he nosed
along his navel and the curve of his belly. “Sirius,” he swallowed heavily,
“you don’t have to.”

“It’s okay,” He hummed into Regulus’ skin, “I've got you.” His trousers fell
off his slender hips, pooling around his ankles as Sirius ran a finger under
the waistband of his pants until the swollen head of his cock was poking out
from under the elastic, bright pink against stark white. Sirius tongue poked
out between his lips to wet them and Regulus' knees turned to liquid as he
squirmed under his dark gaze, his blush creeping down his neck, his lip between
his teeth. Sirius bit at the skin stretched over the sharp angle of his hip,
licking the abused spot with a flat tongue.

Regulus' skin between Sirius' teeth was turning black and bruised, marks
embedded in his flesh that would last long after Sirius left. “Don't want to
leave you,” he babbled, his eyes falling shut and hands locking around his
brother's skinny thighs. “Want you to come with me, baby... want us to run
away.”

Regulus' head fell back and hit the wall, his hands finding their place at the
base of Sirius' skull, holding him there like what was resting in his palms was
glass instead of blood and bone. His mouth fell open as his pants were worked
off his hips and Sirius' fingers trailed up his thighs and resting on the swell
of his ass. His cock was coloured with blood, stiffly resting against his
belly, his balls tight and his pupils endless explosions behind his heavy lids.

He felt the hot press of Sirius' tongue to his head and his fingers curled in
the black hair that was so similar to his own. He closed his eyes and pretended
nothing was changing. Pretended that a chuck of his soul wasn't about to be
violently ripped out of his chest and taken with Sirius wherever he ended up.

He cried out wordlessly as his cock brushed the back of Sirius' fluttering
throat as he came, hot spunk pulsing down Sirius' throat He looked at him, his
eyes dark and the muscles in his abdomen humming warmly as he watched saliva
string between Sirius' swollen mouth and his length. He licked at the thick
liquid running down his chin, tacky and white and impossibly hot. He wanted to
cry and scream and kick Sirius fucking skull in but he was looking up at him
with wide eyes roaring with the glimmer of a childhood he never had and he
couldn't. Couldn't do anything but thumb at his parted lips softly and beg.
“Please don't leave me.”
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