Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/652848.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Full_Metal_Panic
  Relationship:
      Gauron/Sagara_Sousuke, Gauron/Kashim
  Character:
      Gauron, Sagara_Sousuke, Kashim, Original_Character
  Additional Tags:
      Almost_every_warning_ever_invented, Work_In_Progress, never_ending_fic,
      You_Have_Been_Warned, Wordcount:_Over_50.000
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-01-24 Updated: 2018-01-27 Chapters: 25/? Words: 100385
****** Red Hand Days ******
by Kojont
Summary
     Kashim as a child soldier in Afghanistan and Gauron being himself.
     And a bunch of other stuff. And porn.
Notes
     This is an ongoing fic, which I don't intend to finish any time soon
     (ever). I'll keep updating it every now and then. My inspiration was
     to write a fic including every warning aff.net has listed, but when I
     remembered mpreg I just kinda dropped the whole idea *shudder*. And
     yes, I think I could've squeezed in beastiality and necrofilia. Still
     might. Live in fear! Mwahahaha!
***** The Medic *****
Kashim gasped for air as he was lifted up by his throat, his feet barely
touching the ground. It was the rough and gloved hand of Gauron, Kashim knew
this even though he was blindfolded and bound. No one else was allowed to touch
him - not like that anyway. Gauron led them briskly onwards and Kashim did his
best to keep up as not to strangle. The six hours in a burning hot truck had
left him weak from thirst and sleep deprivation.
Kashim stumbled as his feet hit a threshold. The hand left his throat and
Kashim fell down, taking the hit to his right shoulder. He could smell a sharp
stench of alcohol, the kind that was usually associated with hospitals. Near
the floor he could however feel a thick cloud of dust, which had been stirred
by his tumble. The place was far from clinical and the signs suggested to some
sort of field medic's outpost at best.
“There's something wrong with him”, Gauron grunted to someone in English. It
was strange enough since lately most of the talking had been done either in
Russian, Pashto or Dari.
Kashim heard lighter steps approaching his whereabouts. The walker wasn't a
soldier, nor did he wear combat boots. It was definitely male and his steps
were calm, even lazy.
“Would you like to be more specific?” the man asked. He spoke without
detectable accents, keeping the pace of his speech slow and even. The shift in
the man's voice told Kashim that he crouched down closer to him. Kashim
could've easily attacked the man even with tied hands, but Gauron was still in
the room.
There was a flick of a lighter and the smell of cigarette smoke flowed from
Gauron's direction. “I don't think he eats or sleeps enough, at least I haven't
seen him do either in ages”, Gauron explained. “Doesn't talk much anymore
either.” He laughed out loud. “Well, even less than usual, that is. I thought
he might be coming down with something.”
“May I...?” the other man asked vaguely. There were no sounds from Gauron's
direction, but the smothering beanie was taken off anyway.
Kashim blinked at the bright lights for a moment, before glancing around. He
was in a rather small room, clearly not meant as a medic's office originally.
All the equipment in it now however stated that it was what the room was being
used for. The man crouched next to Kashim didn't wear a white jacket, just a
khaki green T-shirt and black trousers like most of the soldiers they had come
across. Kashim hadn't seen the man before. If it hadn't been for the duct tape
wrapped around his head and over his mouth, Kashim might have asked, where they
were. Then again, what did it matter? If Gauron didn't want him to know, he
wouldn't find it out by asking.
“Hmm...” the medic mumbled and turned Kashim's face from his jaw. He placed his
hand on the side of Kashim's face and pulled his lower eyelid down, while
pointing a small light into his eye. “Well he is rather young for this, don't
you think? Might not be able to handle it.”
Gauron let out a heartfelt laughter. “Young? For fighting? I've seen veterans
younger than him! Besides,” he mused and inhaled the smoke. “He can take pretty
much from what I've learned.”
“Well, everyone has their limits”, the medic mumbled and seemed to be
inspecting the bruise on Kashim's temple. “Is there a specific reason why he's
tied up? The last I heard you two were getting along just fine.”
Gauron puffed smoke from his mouth. “It's our little game. I get too close with
him and he tries to leave. He tried that again three days ago while I was
taking a shit. Killed five of my men, before anyone even realised anything.”
“So... you're not getting along anymore”, the medic concluded, standing up. “He
does seem a bit dehydrated, so I would suggest that he stays here for now so I
can hook him to an IV. When are you leaving?”
Gauron shrugged. “Tomorrow evening, most likely. There's a delivery coming from
Ashtiway we want to intercept. After that we're heading across the border for
some time.”
“Would it be possible to leave him behind?” the man asked.
“Here?” Gauron laughed again. “You can't handle him”, he snorted. “No, Kashim
comes with me.”
“Well then, I do what I can in such a short time.” There was plastic rustling
behind Kashim. “Help him to the bed, will you.”
Gauron stood up and Kashim sprang up to his feet so he wouldn't be dragged
around again. He backed up on his own as Gauron approached and ended up sitting
on the hospital bed. Gauron still reached his hand out to brush it against
Kashim's cheek. Kashim pulled his head away from the touch, the only result
being Gauron's hand gripping him tightly from the back of his neck.
“Play nice now”, Gauron muttered in Russian. It was the language he spoke to
Kashim the most. “I was nice enough to bring you here, wasn't I?” His gloved
thumb caressed the back of Kashim's neck. “I always look after you and keep you
safe and all I get as a reward is some shit like this. Really. It's like you
don't like me anymore.”
Kashim's eyes darted to the floor. Gauron knew all too well, that Kashim had
never liked him. He had respected the man when he had been younger, when Gauron
had taken him into his group. Gauron had saved his life. No kid of that age
could have survived alone in a war zone. Kashim had been grateful, but he
hadn't liked the man. And now there was only fear. There was no respect nor
gratitude. It was fear and fear alone that kept Kashim in the group and there
were times when even the fear wasn't enough.
It had lasted about half a year now, the touching. It had started abruptly,
without a warning. Gauron had been touchy from the beginning, but Kashim had
never thought anything about it. And then one night he had woken up with Gauron
on top of him. It had been in the middle of the camp too, with several of the
men watching in the light of the camp fire. Gauron called it "the night Kashim
became a man", which Kashim had never understood. No one else had ever been
treated like that. Sure there were beatings when someone fucked up, but never
anything like that. And Kashim hadn't even done anything wrong. Gauron spoke
about it like it had been a reward and not a punishment.
He still did. For some reason the man seemed to think that Kashim liked it even
though he had corrected Gauron several times. It had happened a lot more often
lately, several times a week, which had made Kashim think about leaving and
joining some other group. He didn't mind the politics so he had nothing against
fighting for the other side.
After Kashim had started the escape attempts, Gauron had been tying him up more
often. Whenever they weren't fighting and Gauron was somewhere else, Kashim was
kept tied. His gun had been taken away too.
“I need his hands to be free, so I can get the IV on”, the medic stated,
walking closer with the equipment.
Gauron flipped his combat knife from the sheath and cut open the cable tie that
was holding Kashim's hands. There was a small crack from Kashim's shoulders as
he rolled them few times, while rubbing his sore and red wrists, trying to get
the blood flow normally again.
The medic opened a plastic package holding a needle and a tube. “Take your coat
off.”
Kashim obeyed under Gauron's intense stare. They both knew Kashim was too weak
at the moment to survive in the desert, even if he did get away.
There was only a wife-beater under Kashim's jacket. It had been white long ago,
but now it was stained with dirt, blood and sweat, making it brownish grey. All
of his clothes were from the Soviet army. They had ambushed a small group of
soldiers few weeks back. Two months ago they had fought side by side with the
Soviets. The situation changed every time Gauron got a better offer from the
other side. Sometimes Kashim didn't even know who he was fighting against when
he killed them.
While the medic was inserting the needle, Kashim lifted his eyes to Gauron and
started to peel the duct tape off. Gauron didn't protest, so Kashim went with
it and inhaled deeply as the tape came off. It felt like it ripped away the
skin from his dry lips and some of his hair as Kashim yanked the tape
completely off. There hadn't been any apparent reason for silencing him. Kashim
had never yelled and in the desert it wouldn't have mattered anyway. This was
one of those things that Kashim didn't understand about Gauron.
“Sorry about that”, Gauron mumbled and brushed his thumb across Kashim's lower
lip. Kashim knew the man was smearing the blood from his lips over his mouth.
“I'll use the gag next time.” His hand stayed on Kashim's face for too long, so
Kashim wasn't that shocked when the man leaned in. The hot tongue licked blood
from Kashim's still lips. Gauron's breath smelled like cigarettes and vodka.
“Maybe”, he sighed and kissed Kashim shortly again before pulling away.
The medic taped the IV needle to it's place, acting like there wasn't anything
else happening in the room. “Anything else you want checked up?” The question
was pointed to Gauron, even if the subject of it was Kashim.
“Well actually”, Gauron started and leaned back from Kashim. “If you could just
make sure he's okay in the rear, that would be great. He's so fucking whiny
about it sometimes.”
Kashim's glare fixed on Gauron as his face turned slightly red. It was never
enough that Gauron humiliated him, there always had to be an audience, no
matter how small.
“Right”, the medic stated tersely and pulled a pair of rubber gloves from the
box on his table. He walked back to the bed, pulling the gloves on. There was
few seconds of awkward silence as Kashim lifted his glare to the medic. “Take
off your pants.”
There was short combat inside Kashim's head. One side was telling him to do
anything else, run, shout, curse or fight, to break away from the situation.
The other side said one word; Gauron. The more he resisted, the more it would
hurt when Gauron made him obey. Still, he couldn't just go with it. He didn't
want Gauron to win. “Go fuck yourself”, Kashim murmured under his breath. He
didn't usually curse, since he wasn't actually sure why people cursed. He
wasn't even sure, if he cursed right. But being in Gauron's team had taught
Kashim a lot about cursing.
Gauron let out a chuckle and stepped back to Kashim. With one move of his hand
he seized the boy by the throat. Kashim's hands snapped up too, trying to pry
the large hands away or at least make sure he wouldn't be strangled to death.
“Careful with the IV!” the medic growled, clearly not happy with the situation.
“Gauron, Jesus, he punctures his veins like that!” He grabbed Kashim's hand and
straightened it with both of his hands. He wasn't very strong, but strong
enough for the situation.
“Do as your told”, Gauron spoke softly to Kashim's gacking face. His eyes
darted to Kashim's groin. “Before this gets ugly.”
With his hand shaking Kashim let go of Gauron's grip and started to unbuckle
his belt in haste. Gauron's “ugly” was nothing to aim for.
“That's my boy”, Gauron stated softly and kept his eyes in Kashim's hand. “The
good doctor's just going to take a look. Nothing more than that.”
Kashim gritted his teeth and as he pulled his zipper down Gauron lifted him to
his feet by the throat. Kashim felt the medic pulling both his pants and the
boxers to his ankles. Gauron's hand forced Kashim's face roughly against the
bed, bending him over.
There was a gentle touch on Kashim's inner thigh. “Spread your legs a bit.”
Kashim's face was burning red, the gritting of his teeth hurting his jaws.
Forcing his muscles to move, Kashim shifted his other leg as far as the pants
let him. The cold smoothness of the rubber glove tensed Kashim. He gripped the
edge of the bed with his free hand as the other man pulled Kashim's buttocks
apart. There was a light touch on his anal hole and then a more inspecting
brush against it. Kashim's breathing was strained. The grip on the back of his
neck and Gauron's presence was more than little unnerving. These things never
ended well.
“Relax”, the medic said calmly, but Kashim didn't have any reasons to comply.
The memory of the stabbing pain made every muscle in his body tense up. “He's
like this during sex?” The medic's voice was void of emotions.
“More or less”, Gauron shrugged. “I guess that's the way he likes it.” Kashim
heard the wide grin in his voice.
The medic stood up and walked to get something. Kashim took the opportunity to
breath heavily. He was shaking all over. “May I...?”
“Sure”, Gauron answered nonchalantly to something Kashim couldn't see. “But if
you get a hard-on, I'll shoot you.”
Kashim heard a spurt, before something really cold pushed against his hole
again. “Just relax”, the medic said. Kashim's breath whistled as he felt
something slick being pushed in. He tensed immediately to the maximum of his
capabilities, bracing himself for the pain. “Does this hurt?” the medic asked.
Kashim didn't answer, because it was the first time it didn't. He didn't want
to say it in front of Gauron.
Gauron's hand let go of Kashim and smacked him to the back of his head. “Answer
the man”, he growled.
“No, sir”, Kashim stated truthfully. He expected Gauron to change the situation
as soon as possible. Gauron didn't have any problems with hurting people. Quite
the opposite.
The thing inside Kashim moved and he realised it must have been a finger. Even
though it didn't feel anything like Gauron's fingers. “How about this? Any sore
spots?” The finger moved against the walls of his insides.
Kashim was about to answer negatively as the finger came across something
extremely painful. Kashim tensed again and let out a muffled hiss.
“There?” the man asked and moved his finger along the spot. Kashim nodded
silently and bit his teeth together. “Right. Does the penetration hurt every
time?”
“Yes, sir”, Kashim answered quietly. He had no idea if he was being
disrespectful to Gauron with his answers. He would probably find out later.
“Does the pain go away at some point? Maybe after the beginning?”
“No, sir”, Kashim stated.
“The whole intercourse hurts?” The man asked and pulled his finger out. Kashim
nodded again. “Right.” The man stood up. “Quite a lot of dried blood, so I'd
say the rectum is torn. Do you use condoms or lubrication?”
Gauron shifted his weight and pulled his hand back, allowing Kashim to pull his
pants back up. “Where do you think we are? Moscow fag district?” he growled.
“This is a fucking Muslim country.”
Kashim had difficulties keeping up with the conversation since so many of the
terms were unfamiliar to him, so he decided to just ignore most of it. Anyway,
from what he could gather, it seemed like the medic was criticizing Gauron for
this, so it wasn't anything important. Gauron did what he wanted, no matter
what.
“You do know, you can get diseases like that?” the medic asked. “And infections
in these conditions.”
“We all die at some point”, Gauron snorted. “What do I do with him?” he
gestured towards Kashim.
“Well if you gave a shit, you would go easy on him”, the medic shrugged and
tossed the gloves to a bin. Kashim had never heard anyone talk to Gauron like
that and survive. But the larger man didn't seem to be bothered. “At least use
this.” He tossed Gauron a white tube. “The other medics have something similar
too, when it runs out. Believe me, it makes things a lot easier for you too.”
Gauron studied the tube for few seconds before stuffing it to his coat pocket.
“I need to go make sure we're ready for tomorrow”, he stated to the medic and
walked to the bed. Without a word to Kashim, he pushed him on his back and took
two cable ties from his thigh pocket. He fastened Kashim's wrists to the
railings along the bed. “Don't let him loose”, Gauron reminded while walking
towards the door. “He'll kill you in a heart beat.”
There was silence for about five minutes after Gauron left. The medic went
about the office for awhile, before returning to Kashim. He seemed to have a
whole lot of equipment with him.
“What an asshole”, the man mumbled and handled some small and white device.
“You know, I'd let you leave, if it wasn't Gauron. But you know...”, he stated
and stuck the device into Kashim's ear. “Now let's see, if there's something
actually wrong with you instead of giving him a show...”
Kashim didn't answer. He didn't expect anyone to go against Gauron just for
him. That would be insane. Kashim was on his own like always and that was just
fine. At least he didn't have to hold on to any false hope. There were just him
and the opportunities he himself could create. Everything else was just
apologetic words in the wind, as useful as dog shit.
The device let out a small beep and the medic pulled it away, examining it
quickly. “You have a slight fever.” He tossed the device next to Kashim's leg
and reached for the next item. “So did you just decide not to eat or have you
lost your appetite?”
Kashim shrugged a bit. He had been careful about his health for a long time. He
had learned to demand his share of the food and water and to inform whenever he
felt sick or wounded. It was the way he had been trained. But lately it didn't
seem as important. Nothing felt really important anymore. “Both, I guess.”
Kashim couldn't really tell when was the last time he had been hungry.
“And sleeping?” the man asked and started to take Kashim's blood pressure.
“I sleep”, Kashim stated.
“How many hours per night?”
“Two to three.” That was the maximum he could stay asleep. All the noises
around him kept him awake. Every little shift that Gauron made in his sleep
made Kashim's heart race. He could sleep only when he heard Gauron snore and he
didn't do that often. Kashim turned his head to the side when he saw the man
take out another needle. He drew a small amount of blood, before going to his
desk.
“Would you say that you're depressed?”
Kashim was silent. “I do not understand the term”, he stated automatically as
he had been trained to do. Asking didn't make him stupid, it gave him a chance
to be smarter.
The medic was silent for few seconds too. “You don't understand 'depressed'?”
“No, sir.”
“Right...” the medic drawled. “Well, you don't actually like what Gauron's
doing, right?”
Kashim tensed a little. He didn't know how to answer. Would there be
consequences, if he said the truth?
“I mean, it's okay, if you.. have liked it. I just thought that you didn't”,
the medic stated hastily. “Have you thought of hurting yourself because of it?”
Kashim needed another moment to process the question. But no, he just didn't
get it. Again he did what he had been told to do. Ask, if you don't understand
and the matter will be cleared to you. “I don't understand, why I would do such
a thing.” Who would hurt themselves intentionally? That was a really strange
thing to say. Kashim was hurt often enough and it wasn't something he did
intentionally.
“I guess you don't”, the medic said with a quiet sigh. “If you can, feel free
to take a nap.”
Kashim laid silently, staring at the ceiling, but he didn't sleep.
**
Gauron came back the same evening. He was striding briskly towards the medic
and the table, but stopped abruptly next to Kashim. “What's that?” Gauron
demanded with an icy tone.
A chair creaked against the concrete floor as the medic walked to the bed. The
medic glanced at Kashim. “What's what?”
“That!” Gauron snapped and pointed at the small cotton pad taped to Kashim's
bend of the arm.
“Oh.” The medic sounded slightly relieved. “I took some blood to run some more
tests. To make sure he's okay.”
Gauron's shoulder's relaxed a bit. “And?” His voice had a softer tone.
The medic shrugged. “A slight fever, but otherwise healthy as far as I can
tell. A small dose of sedatives would probably help him get sleep. That and a
good meal and he should be back on his feet.”
Gauron seemed to be evaluating the statement with his eyes, before suddenly
turning with a bright grin towards the medic. “I need to ask you something.
Come.” Gauron walked towards the table, out of Kashim's line of sight. “You
know these?” Kashim tried to crane his head to see what he was talking about,
but the men were too far off.
“Umm... Yes, aren't those the things--”
“Yeah yeah,” Gauron rushed. “Would it be possible to, you know...” The sentence
was left hanging in the air. “It would be handy as hell.” Gauron sounded
extremely excited.
“Well I can always try.” The medic didn't sound very sure. “You want it done
now?”
“Yeah. We're leaving tomorrow.”
The medic walked around the room again, rustling the packages. “I have to put
him under.”
“Of course”, Gauron stated and walked to sit on Kashim's bed. His eyes were
fixed on the medic. “This is so fucking great. It solves everything.”
Kashim watched as the medic approached and inserted a needle to the valve of
the IV. He injected something in and Gauron turned his grin to Kashim.
“You just take a nap, kid”, Gauron said with his grin and patted his cheek.
That was the last thing Kashim was able to see or hear before everything went
black.
***** On the Road *****
Kashim let out a quiet groan and tried to find a more comfortable position.
Everything was shaking and rattling and it made sleeping very difficult. He was
sitting on the floor, leaning his back against something. The air was thick
with dust. A large arm wrapped around Kashim's chest and he opened his eyes.
“Well, look who's up.”
Kashim's back resonated with the rumbling of Gauron's voice as the man spoke.
It didn't take too many guesses to find out who Kashim was leaning against.
Taking in a bit more of his surroundings Kashim saw that he was practically in
the man's lap. Gauron's legs were on either side of him and a strong arm had
pulled him tightly against the man's chest.
They were in the back of a truck with four other men. The others were geared up
and sitting on the opposite benches. Kashim and Gauron sat on the floor, their
backs towards the inner wall which separated the cargo compartment from the
cock-pit. Kashim could catch glimpses of the outside world through the crack in
the heavy canvas covering the trucks rear door. It was evening, the sun
dropping towards the horizon and coloring everything with tints of orange.
“How are you feeling?”
Gauron's question brought attention to Kashim's condition. In fact there were
several things calling for his attention. First of them was the pain in his
back, sharp and constant, like he had a wound right between his shoulder
blades. The second pain was the aching lower, which told Kashim that Gauron had
taken him while he had been unconscious. That wasn't anything new, but it
wasn't something to get used to either. The third set of pain was just overall
ache from sleeping in an uncomfortable posture like that.
“My back hurts”, Kashim answered since it was the only reportable thing.
“I know. There were some problems that the medic sorted out. It's all good now.
I made everything okay”, Gauron stated too softly for comfort. His large hand
smoothed Kashim's tangled hair and every muscle in Kashim's body tensed again.
Being that close to Gauron was never good.
Three of the soldiers were staring either their hands or at the opposite walls
of the truck, knowing well enough not to pay too much attention to Gauron and
his doings. One of them must have been freshly recruited, since he kept staring
at Kashim.
“Did you sleep well?” Gauron asked with a grinning tone. His hand slipped
underneath Kashim's shirt to his bare stomach.
“Yes, sir.” It really didn't matter what he answered, it was already too late.
Gauron's hand travelled upwards and his fingers brushed against one of Kashim's
nipples.
“Good. Then turn around. I've got something for you.”
Kashim had never quite gotten it, the expression. Gauron never actually had
anything for him, it was just his way to tell him to give him a blowjob.
Another term Kashim had learned in this group. He didn't turn, instead he just
tensed. He hated the things Gauron did every time, but he hated it even more,
when he insisted doing them in front of other people. “I would like to get up,
sir. I'm not feeling well.”
The caress in Kashim's hair took a more painful turn, as Gauron gripped the
hair in the back of Kashim's neck. “Turn around or I will kick your fucking
teeth in and fuck you right here”, he growled.
Swallowing slightly Kashim turned. His eyes went to the man's crotch. The bulge
made him feel sick in his throat.
“Take it out”, Gauron coaxed and let his hand rest on the side of Kashim's
face. He let out a laughter when Kashim hesitated and glanced to his side.
“Don't care about them, they don't give a shit.”
Kashim braced himself and took a deep inhale, like diving into icy water. If he
didn't think about it too much, it would be over soon. His hand reached to open
Gauron's zipper. The man wasn't even fully hard yet, his cock reacting to
Kashim's touch. He jerked it few times, before the hand in the back of his neck
forced him either to lower himself or to be strangled.
Gauron let out a hiss when Kashim's tongue touched the tip. “Take your time”,
he sighed and leaned more back. Kashim shifted too, sitting on his legs and
leaning lower to get a good angle. If he just did it, it would be over and
Gauron would be happy. If he started to fight now, it would hurt and it would
take forever for Gauron to finish. Kashim took the man in his mouth and kept
jerking him at the same time. His mind was already somewhere else, revising the
AS commands and tactics. The truck was filled by Gauron's loud groans, his hand
gripped Kashim's hair.
“That's really not fair, you know.”
Kashim gagged a little when he heard someone talk. It must have been the new
guy, no one else was that stupid. The man was laughing for some reason too.
Gauron's abs tightened near Kashim's face. He hated it when people disturbed
him like this.
“Not sharing and all”, the other guy went on. The other soldiers let out a
sympathetic laugh. It was most likely because they didn't want to shoot their
own people right now.
Gauron's hand coaxed Kashim to continue. “I'm sorry”, Gauron stated to the man.
He actually sounded apologetic, which was scary as hell. “I didn't know you
wanted to blow me too. Do you want to wait until Kashim here is finished or
just join right in?”
It was the other guy's turn to gag. “You... I... You know what I mean”, he said
with a trembling laughter.
“Shut the fuck up”, Gauron snapped. “You're making Kashim nervous”, he mumbled
then, smoothing Kashim's hair. The new guy was silent again and Gauron's hand
nudged Kashim's jaw. “Little more”, he urged and pushed himself deeper. Kashim
gagged. “Yeah, I know it's a little big for you.”
Kashim fastened the pace of his hand. Gauron felt enormous and rock hard in his
hand, the tip of the cock jabbing the back of his throat. Luckily Gauron
started to pant slightly louder and thrusting his hips upwards as a sign that
it would be over soon. He gripped Kashim's hair with both of his hands, making
it feel like he would rip the hair clean off. Kashim closed his mouth a bit and
let his teeth rake at Gauron's flesh. It was one of the things he liked.
Gauron let out a growling shout and pushed Kashim's face all the way down. Cum
hit his throat and increased the feeling of being suffocated. Kashim ordered
himself to calm down and soon enough Gauron pushed him roughly away. “Jesus
fucking Christ you suck cock like an angel”, the man panted and leaned against
the metal wall of the truck. Kashim wiped his face to his sleeve and would have
moved away, if he had had the time. Gauron seized his arm and pulled him back.
“There's some cleaning to be done here too”, he mumbled.
Pushing his nausea to the side, Kashim lowered himself once more to lick the
cum residues from the limp cock and tucked it back to Gauron's pants. Before
Kashim had the time to go sit on the bench with the rest of the men, Gauron
yanked him back against him. The man's hand caressed Kashim's chest lazily.
“Are you thirsty?” Gauron asked, almost whispering his question to Kashim's
ear. Kashim shook his head a little. “Vostrikov, a bottle”, he called to one of
the soldiers, who was the closest to Gauron's right hand man as anyone could
be. Vostrikov took a water bottle from the crate next to him and tossed it to
Gauron. The bottle was opened in front of Kashim and held out to him. “Drink.
The doctor said you were dehydrated.”
Kashim didn't have the will or the energy to debate the issue, so he took the
bottle and drank half of it. At least he got the taste off his mouth. Gauron
held Kashim against himself like he was wounded or a child.
**
They reached their spot of ambush during that night. Kashim got off the truck
with Gauron and stepped into the silent and quickly chilling desert. The wind
was picking up.
“Listen up!” Gauron bellowed and got everyone's attention. They were a small
group at the moment, only twelve men. Two teams of five plus Kashim and Gauron
with the AS'. “They are going to come through that pass in five hours. Make
sure your gear is ready, sleep if you need to. No tents, no fire, no shooting.”
He waited until everyone seemed to be doing something, before turning to
Kashim. “I could use you right about now.”
Kashim felt like... What had Kasabian said that one night? He was feeling
like... shit, that was it. He was tired as hell and his back hurt and now
Gauron wanted to fuck. Kashim glanced at the truck with a defeated expression
and tried to come up with good enough excuses.
Gauron let out a laughter and slammed his hand against Kashim's shoulder. “I
meant during the fight! Jesus! You can never get enough, can you?”
Kashim decided to ignore the last part. “You want me to fight?” It was a
surprise after he had tried to escape.
“I've done some moderations with the other AS. It's safe even for you. Can't
target friendly fire or leave the perimeter. Do you want to take part or wait
in the truck?”
It was an easy decision. “I want to fight.” That was what he did. And Kashim
was a hell of a fighter when he was given the chance.
Gauron smiled and slammed him again. “That's my boy. Let's get geared up.”
The fight itself was pathetic and short. Kashim had the chance to shoot twice
before the whole thing was over. Some crates were transferred from the other
trucks to theirs and few soldiers went around executing the prisoners. Gauron,
in his own AS, stated the mission completed after 37 minutes. The soldiers
started to prepare leaving.
Kashim moved his AS and pointed the giant rifle to one of their trucks. Few of
the nearby soldiers ducked with a shout. Kashim pulled the trigger. There was
red error message on the control panel, telling him the command could not be
executed because of clashing configurations. Gauron had been right. He had
idiot-proofed the AS, making it impossible to use during an escape.
“Out.” The command came from Gauron's AS. He was pointing Kashim with his
rifle. Kashim grunted and shut the machine down before opening the hatch. It
was clear that the same restrictions didn't concern Gauron's AS. Kashim pulled
himself out and got down with agile movements. The sun was coming up and the
heat was picking up again. Kashim pulled his helmet off and waited until Gauron
got out from his own AS. The man dropped to the ground, but instead of hitting
Kashim, he just patted the boy to his shoulder and started yelling out orders
to the others.
The drive to Pakistan was slow and boring as they drove to sell onwards the
weapons and gear they didn't need themselves. Some of the men played cards in
the truck, some tried to sleep regardless of the bumps on the road. Kashim sat
alone in one corner and rested his head against the hard metal.
Gauron wasn't in the same truck. He had taken the AS to do some recon in the
surrounding area. No one knew exactly where he was or when he would be back.
Kashim hoped it would take days like it did sometimes, but it was unlikely.
Gauron had kept a really close eye on him after he started to plan deserting.
They crossed the border without any problems. No one checked their papers or
asked any questions. The truck turned and started heading towards north, which
meant they wouldn't be going to any bigger towns. It didn't bother Kashim - he
didn't need anything special from the town - but the others weren't as pleased
about the decision.
“He said we'd go to Mingora!” one of the soldiers exclaimed and kicked the wall
of the truck. “That fucking lying piece of shit! I was supposed to meet a girl
there!”
Vostrikov shrugged, holding his playing cards. “He probably got another gig or
something. That's how it goes here. Gauron doesn't give a shit about your
girls.”
“Easy for him to say”, the other man muttered. “Like he needs girls or
anything”, he snorted and cast a glare towards Kashim.
Vostrikov glanced at Kashim too, before turning towards the other soldier.
“Keep your fucking voice down. Gauron will shoot you, if he catches you talking
shit like that.”
“What? He's a closet faggot or something? Doesn't seem like it when he fucks
that thing in front of everyone”, he nodded towards Kashim.
Kashim turned his eyes away from the men. He hated this so much. The way he was
pushed aside. Like he was property of Gauron and nothing else. Like he wasn't a
soldier like the rest of them. Like he hadn't fought by their side for years.
Like he hadn't saved their lives several times. Like he wasn't the best fighter
this team had ever seen.
“And you!” the man called to Kashim. “What the fuck are you still doing alive?
You like it or something? Jesus, if it was me, I'd put a bullet to my brain
already.”
Kashim turned his eyes to the man. A bullet to a brain? Was he talking about...
shooting himself? It didn't make sense at all. Why would anyone shoot
themselves? Kashim had never heard of anything like it. All the people Kashim
had ever met loved living. They did anything to survive and when they were
dying, they begged for their lives as long as they breathed. When Kashim had
fought all of his life to survive, why would he suddenly stop? He suspected
that the other soldier was going crazy. It happened sometimes when a person
wasn't prepared well enough for fighting.
“You thirsty, Kashim?” Vostrikov asked and took out a water bottle. Without
waiting for an answer he tossed the bottle to Kashim and turned back to the
other soldier. “Don't talk to him like that.” He nodded to Kashim again. “Just
ignore him, he's an idiot. No need to tell Gauron about it.”
Kashim nodded slightly. He didn't talk to Gauron much anyway, so it wouldn't be
a problem.
They camped in the wasteland, near the foot of a snow capped mountain. Kashim
got out of the truck and glanced around. Gauron's AS was nowhere to be seen.
Someone yelled his name from the truck and tossed a heavy bag to him. It was
Gauron's tent. Since Kashim slept in Gauron's tent nowadays, it had become his
responsibility to set it up. Kashim walked to the camping area and started to
unpack the tent.
He was almost ready before Kashim realised it. He wasn't tied up and Gauron
wasn't there. The sun was setting fast and it would be pitch black in an hour.
Kashim's heart raced as he glanced around. Everyone was preoccupied with their
tasks to set the camp up. At the moment no one was even looking at Kashim's
direction. Surely he didn't have a weapon or any equipment, but... He could
try. Now, before Gauron got back. He could make it.
Kashim paced himself, walking towards the trucks like he had forgotten
something. Once beside the truck he glanced behind him. No one was looking. He
slipped around the truck and fastened his steps, making his way towards the
mountain side. 20 meters and he would be out of their sight. 10 meters. 5.
Kashim's boots hit the ground as he started running.
There were no shouts from the camp. Kashim kept himself out of the line of
sight. The images of Gauron finding out he was gone only making him run faster.
If he got caught now, there would be so much pain. He had to get away.
The mountain was ideal for escaping. It was easy to climb and there were
endless possibilities to hide. The trucks couldn't follow him and soon it would
be too dark to try and find his tracks. Kashim estimated he had one to three
hours before Gauron got the message of his escape and would come after him with
the AS. In that time Kashim could disappear almost completely.
It took longer for Kashim to spot the AS than he had expected. First he only
heard it but after few moments he spotted it's silhouette in the distance.
Kashim kept himself low and watched Gauron proceed. The AS was going to a
completely different direction from the spot Kashim was. It moved through an
area Kashim hadn't even crossed. Kashim felt a rush of relief. Gauron wasn't
even tracking him, just searching aimlessly, probably using heat detection.
Kashim couldn't believe it. He had actually gotten away. This time for sure.
Of course he couldn't be sure how long Gauron would pursue him, but the terrain
was in Kashim's favour. During the day it was too hot to use the heat detection
and even during the nights Kashim could hear the AS from afar. He could just
continue over the mountain and head back to Afghanistan. He could go to Kabul
and find some other group to fight with. A group that would consider him the
soldier he was. Maybe he could even make his way to Kandahar. Gauron would
never find him again.
***** Lost & Found *****
Without a weapon, climbing gear, food or water the progression was slow.
Kashim's fingers were bleeding from the rough edges of rocks. At nights his
sweat dampened clothes were too cold to sleep in, at days he was fearing that
he would hear the rumble of an AS from somewhere close. He had to keep close to
the small streams of water, even though those were the places Gauron would
search first.
He had seen Gauron few times during the first days and nights, but after awhile
the man had seemed to give up. Maybe he had had some other business to attend
to and Kashim just wasn't that important.
Kashim had made his way down the mountain and proceeded from one village to the
next, getting food, water and directions towards the Afghan border. It felt
unlikely that Gauron would find him anymore. Even if he knew that Kashim would
head back to Afghanistan, he didn't know exactly where Kashim would cross the
border and when. It was also unlikely that Gauron would be ready to go through
that much trouble just for him.
Those were few of the reasons Kashim's heart skipped few beats when he woke up
one night to the trembling of the ground. He had been sleeping out on the open
near a river bank, since he had been sure nobody was following him. He glanced
around, seeing nothing, making him realize that the AS was in stealth mode and
invisible. Within a second Kashim was in the river, keeping himself calm and
reminding himself that the thermal camera couldn't see under water. He would be
safe if he hadn't been spotted yet.
Through the water he could see the rippling image of Gauron's AS, now
completely visible. It wasn't directly above him, but still too close for a
mere consequence. Kashim held his breath and counted seconds. If Gauron knew
Kashim was underwater, he would wait long enough.
But he didn't. The thuds were quelled by the water, but it was clear that
Gauron left. Kashim didn't understand it. Clearly the man had some reason to
suspect Kashim to be there. He had come straight at him and then just... turned
around? If he knew Kashim to be somewhere there, where else could he have gone
but to the water? It was so strange that Kashim swam a good way down the stream
before surfacing. The AS was already just a small spot in the horizon. Kashim
didn't really believe in luck, but this had been nothing else. Pure luck.
He crossed the border during a night without a problem. He had decided to find
the Soviets and offer himself as a recruit. They would be just as good to him
as anyone else and way better than Gauron. The thought of teaming with the
Soviets against Gauron didn't make Kashim lose his sleep.
But the Soviets had moved on from the border villages and Kashim lost their
tracks too many times. He had ran out of food and water few days ago. He was
somewhere near Sar Sang, but he couldn't find the village that was supposed to
be there. There were some animals around, but nothing Kashim could catch them
with. For days he ate roots and insects for survival.
So when he came across a dead rabbit, Kashim ate it without hesitation, picking
the maggots and spoiled parts off. It had kept him going for another day, but
during the next evening, Kashim had started to feel sick. He had to stop
completely, since he could do nothing but vomit. He was shaking and sweating
and he couldn't get himself up to find a decent shelter for the night. Kashim
lied on the rocky ground, curled into a ball. His thoughts weren't coherent and
he admitted to himself that his survival wasn't likely. He kept waking up
without the recollection of falling asleep. Sometimes it was dark and sometimes
the sun was blinding. There were flies in the corner of his eyes.
“Pathetic.”
Kashim opened his weary eyes and saw a dark figure towering over him. He
couldn't utter a word and when the person crouched lower, Kashim knew it
wouldn't matter anyway.
Gauron.
“Missed me?” the man grinned. “You were pretty good. Almost lost you few times.
Well would've lost if you weren't hooked up with satellite tracking chip.”
Kashim squinted his eyes, not understanding anything. The situation was
humbling, but regardless of it, Kashim found himself acting according to his
training. “I feel sick, sir”, he croaked his announcement.
“No shit?”, Gauron snorted and pulled Kashim up from his arm and flung him to
his broad shoulder like he was nothing more than a sack of flour. “What the
fuck did you think? Eating shit like that. You could have died.” Did that mean
that Gauron wouldn't kill him? Kashim didn't have a clue what the man was
thinking about. He didn't dare to feel grateful, but if he would survive, he
would be relieved. “It's a good thing you have someone like me keeping you
safe.” The rocking motion of Gauron walking down the mountain side made Kashim
sick, but he passed out before the nausea hit him again.
**
He woke up from a bed. The room was small and clean, clearly someone's private
home. There were floral curtains on the window and paintings on the wall. The
bed had sheets on it. Kashim sat up and took a moment to steady himself. He was
still feeling a little feverish, but good enough to stand up.
Kashim walked through an open door into a larger space, apparently the living
room with two sofas and a table. There were Gauron, Vostrikov and two locals; a
man and a woman. Gauron had his back turned to Kashim, but Vostrikov noticed
him and nodded slightly. Gauron stopped talking something about the present
politics and turned his head. Kashim had expected Gauron to beat him up, maybe
even kill him. Gauron smiled.
“Feeling better?”
Kashim nodded as he was supposed to. The local man looked terrified, holding
the hand of his wife. The woman was clad in a black burqa, so it was difficult
to read her expression. She seemed tense too. Gauron had his rifle on the table
in front of him. They had been drinking vodka.
“I knew it”, Gauron mused. “You can handle more than a fucking food poisoning.
Come here”, he patted the spot on the sofa next to him. Kashim moved with weak
steps and sat down. Gauron's hand was on his shoulder immediately. “You feel
like eating something proper, hmm? Maybe something to eat for the boy?” he
suggested towards the locals in Afghan and the woman went away. “Well?” Gauron
grinned to Vostrikov. “What did I say? Tough one, this runt, but it worked.”
The other man smiled a little and lifted his glass. “You were right. Again.”
“Damn sure I was”, Gauron snorted and emptied his glass. “And now that that's
been tested, there's nothing to worry about.” Gauron turned to Kashim and wiped
some of Kashim's hair out of his eyes. “He will go nowhere from now on.”
The statement made Kashim feel uncomfortable. He swallowed slightly and turned
his head a little, not looking Gauron in the eye, but to his direction
generally. “You said... In the mountains that... Something about... a
satellite?” he asked. If Gauron wasn't going to kill him from running away, he
might tolerate one question.
“Yup”, Gauron nodded and sounded quite proud. “I had a tracking chip planted in
you. You remember, when we met that one medic in Asdabad.” Gauron's hand moved
down Kashim's now sweating back. The touch stopped right in the middle, where
the mysterious pain had been. Kashim had ripped the bandage off after few days
of running. It hadn't hurt in days, so Kashim had already forgotten the whole
thing. “Right there. Next to your spine, mind you, so don't go picking on it.
You would only cut your spinal cord.”
Kashim felt like something broke inside him. If what Gauron said was true, he
could track Kashim's whereabouts anytime. He would always know where Kashim
was. It felt like an invisible hand squeezed around his throat.
“I just wanted to see, how far you could get. I had you in my sight all the
time”, Gauron said in an apologetic tone. “I got worried when you were still
for so long, so I came to check on you. Good thing I did, you would've died.”
He sounded like he was scolding Kashim.
Kashim stared blankly ahead. “You were... just playing.” Kashim remembered the
incident on the river bank. Gauron had known he was there, but had decided to
let him run further. He felt so... fucking stupid. What kind of an idiot
thought that Gauron would just let someone go? He was a retard to think Gauron
wouldn't be able to track a fucking grain of sand through those mountains.
Gauron inhaled in pondering way and shrugged then. “Yes. But I liked it”, he
said then grinning. “I wish you would've kept going. It was fun to watch you
being in survival mode and everything. Very sexy.”
Kashim shrugged the man's hand away, but Gauron only laughed and poured himself
another drink. “Don't be mad at me! I only did it for you. Now you don't have
to waste your time planning on your escape. You can just concentrate on
fighting and the more important stuff.”
The woman returned and placed a plate full of Yakhni Palao and a large glass of
water on the table. Kashim didn't feel like eating. “Where are we?”
“Near Ghowrayd Gharami. Our good friend Ihab lent his house for us”, Gauron
said with chilling grin and leaned over Kashim's plate then, scooping some of
the food to his fingers and eating it. “Ihab owes us some money”, Gauron stated
with his mouth full. He had been talking in Russian, but changed it into Pashto
when he mentioned the money.
“I told you, I will get the money. Next month, when the crop is ready to be
harvested”, the man pleaded, holding his hands together like in prayer.
“Please, next month!”
Gauron licked his fingers, purposefully ignoring the other man. “It's good. You
should eat it”, Gauron told Kashim back in Russian. Kashim took the plate and
started to eat the food slowly. He was kind of hungry and if he wouldn't eat
it, Gauron would. And when Gauron wasn't hungry, there wouldn't be any food
served. “Next month is not good enough, but I tell you what; Since you've been
so kind as to host our visit and help my Kashim here get better, we'll work
something out.”
The man seemed extremely relieved. He knelt before Gauron. “Thank you! Thank
you!” he kept repeating.
“Yeah yeah. Now, I remember you have a tub in this shithole, right? I need to
wash this sand off my balls.”
The woman disappeared again. This time Gauron's eyes followed her leave and
then turned his gaze to Vostrikov. The other man leaned his back against the
other sofa and grinned. He was older than Gauron, maybe in his forties, but
still a cold blooded killer. Kashim had learned that the man had been with the
KGB at some point. He probably had a warrant on his head in Russia. Most of the
soldiers here did. No one was here because they chose so. Well, no one except
Gauron.
Gauron turned his eyes back to Kashim. “Good, huh?” he mumbled and brushed his
hand through Kashim's matted hair. “We need to get your strength back, so you
can come with me to Singapore.”
Kashim coughed as the palao went down the wrong pipe. “What?” Kashim asked with
strained voice. His eyes had watered from the coughing. Singapore. Wasn't that
like... a whole another country? Somewhere really far away? Kashim wasn't
really good at geography outside the Middle-East. The farthest he had gone in
his life was Iraq three years ago. He had been in India and China too, but
those were lot closer so they didn't actually count. But Singapore was ever
further away. It was one of those places Gauron had mentioned sometimes. He
traveled a lot alone, disappearing sometimes for months. One time when Kashim
had been a lot younger Gauron had left somewhere and had been gone for nineteen
months before returning. When he came back he spoke of places like Japan, USA
and Korea. To Kashim they were just names. He didn't know where those were and
he didn't really care.
“Our first vacation together, Kashim, isn't that great”, the man laughed and
pulled Kashim closer. “Well, not a vacation per se, since I have to go there to
kill few people, but all the same, just you and me.” Kashim didn't have a
chance to say anything, because the woman came back to the room and informed
them that she had prepared the bath. Gauron stood up and pulled Kashim with
him, hardly giving him enough time to set the plate back on the table.
The worn out cast-iron tub was really small. Kashim didn't believe for a second
that Gauron would even fit in comfortably. Still the man pulled off his
clothes, revealing his scarred and tanned skin.
“So, what do you make of this new situation of ours?”
Kashim turned his eyes away, but hadn't been quite quick enough. Gauron caught
his movement and grinned widely. He had an odd belief that Kashim actually
liked him in some way. Usually when Kashim corrected the man about the facts,
he received such a nasty beating that the matter wasn't discussed very often.
“No matter where you go, I will find you”, Gauron went on and stepped in the
bath. “How do you feel about it?”
Most of the times Gauron asked about his feelings it was more like a scientific
experience. He didn't actually act on Kashim's feelings, he just seemed to want
to know what they were.
“I don't like it”, Kashim stated truthfully.
Gauron let out a chuckle and tried to take a more comfortable position in his
constricted space. “It will be much easier for both of us now. I don't have to
tie you up and you don't have to plan your escape. We can just concentrate to
the job at hand.” Gauron turned his head slightly. “And don't kill any more of
my men. They're on our side and if you harm them, it will danger the whole
team, including you. It will only bite your own ass. Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir.” Gauron was of course right about it. Kashim had killed five of
their own soldiers just awhile ago and even though it hadn't affected their
fighting yet, it probably would. And because of that they would have to hire
new people which was always bad. Even Kashim hated rookies.
“Good boy”, Gauron said with a lighter tone, leaning back in the tub. “Now come
and join me.”
Kashim didn't like the thought. The tub was small and Gauron was naked. Kashim
didn't want to get any closer to the man, there was only pain in that
direction. “The free space is insufficient”, Kashim stated and hoped that it
was just something Gauron hadn't noticed.
Gauron snorted and held out his large hand. “Don't make me get up.”
Kashim took the few steps closer and Gauron's hand seized his arm.
“Why do you have to make every fucking thing so fucking difficult?” the man
grunted and pulled him next to the tub. “Don't you ever get tired of it? Always
fucking whining like some civilian bitch.” Gauron's hand was opening the
buttons in Kashim's pants. Once done, he jerked the pants down and pulled
Kashim in one swift movement to the tub. The water splashed to the floor as
Kashim tried to either get out or get as little body contact with Gauron as
possible. It wasn't easy since the man took almost all of the space. Gauron
wrapped his arm around Kashim's throat and held him tightly against himself.
Every muscle in Kashim's body was tensed to the fullest, but he stopped
squirming. Gauron wouldn't hesitate to strangle him unconscious. “That's nice”,
the man sighed and relaxed a bit. His other hand was absentmindedly caressing
Kashim's chest.
Only a part of Kashim's body was in contact with the water. Gauron had draped
his arms and legs over the edges of the tub and Kashim laid on top of him. It
was awkward and very uncomfortable way to be. It didn't make the situation any
easier that Gauron's growing hard-on was pressing against Kashim.
It didn't take long for Gauron's hand to slip lower. His fingers took a hold of
Kashim's limp member and started to jerk it. Kashim had never understood the
purpose of the action, since he never became hard like Gauron did, but it
didn't last very long anyway. Gauron moved his hand under Kashim and his
fingers found their way to the hole. Kashim made another vain attempt to get
out, but Gauron's grip around his throat tightened. “Shh...” he whispered in
calming manner and felt the brim of his hole with his fingers. “It's going to
be good... Just a little...”
Kashim felt two rough fingers push in, not caring about the tension of Kashim's
muscles. There was intense pain already and Kashim knew it was only going to
get worse. The fingers drove deeper and Kashim flinched. He knew that pleading
or fighting would get him nowhere, but still he had to do something.
“It hurts”, he said quietly.
“Hmm..” Gauron hummed to his ear. “It does?”
“Yes”, Kashim answered and felt Gauron's cock poking his lower back.
“I'll do something about it the next time”, the man said and pulled his fingers
out.
Kashim struggled in the water when Gauron lifted his right leg and started to
align himself. The tip of the man's cock was pressing against Kashim's hole.
When it started to push in Kashim's struggling increased and forced Gauron to
stop. There was a short fight during which Kashim received a nasty blow to his
face from Gauron's elbow. Blood dripped to Kashim's chest and in to the water
as Gauron lifted his leg back up and turned him slightly sideways. With one
stabbing movement he was inside. Kashim let out a strained shout and clamped
his hands to the side of the tub. His eyes were tightly shut.
Gauron let out a pleased groan and pulled Kashim closer. He didn't pull out but
instead kept slowly moving against Kashim, rubbing them together.
“You're so fucking tight”, the man murmured in Kashim's ear. “You're ass is
squeezing my cock so hard.” Gauron lifted his hand to Kashim's face and pushed
his two fingers in Kashim's mouth. They were the same he had used before.
Gauron rolled his hips and the water splashed around the tub and over the edges
to the floor. “Hold still now”, Gauron ordered and Kashim took a better hold of
the side.
Gauron placed his hands on Kashim's hips and pulled his cock halfway out.
Kashim braced himself for the pain and was able to keep quiet as the man rammed
himself back in, the force pressing Kashim tightly against the side of the tub.
The sound of water splashing around was loud and so were the groans and moans
Gauron was making. His cock was stabbing Kashim's insides with a merciless
pace.
When two arms wrapped around Kashim's torso he knew that Gauron would stop
soon. There were few more thrusts before the man tensed and let out a loud
growling shout. His tight embrace almost crushing Kashim's ribcage.
Kashim's insides were throbbing when Gauron leaned back in the tub and pulled
Kashim against him once more. His cock was still inside of him. “Oh Kashim, my
little Kashim.” His large hand was caressing Kashim's chest. “You make me so
happy”, he murmured and licked Kashim's neck with one long stroke of his
tongue.
They were like that for some time, just laying there. That's why Kashim
startled when Gauron suddenly pushed him off, his cock finally leaving Kashim.
“Get that man here”, he ordered.
Kashim scrambled out of the tub and started swiftly to put on his clothes.
Gauron watched him with a lazy grin on his face. Kashim bent slightly over to
pull up his pants.
“Stop!” Gauron's stern voice startled the boy. The tone left no room for
argument. Kashim thought about the pants for a second, but left them at the
floor. Gauron beckoned him with his hand to come closer. When Kashim did,
Gauron turned him around and wiped his hand against Kashim's aching hole.
“You're bleeding.” He didn't sound pleased.
It didn't surprise Kashim. He had bled with a lot less pain too. He didn't say
anything.
“Jesus...” Gauron mumbled and took a towel from the chair next to the tub. He
wiped some of the blood off from Kashim's inner thighs. “I'm sorry. We'll go
easier next time, okay? I don't want you hurt.”
That was a lie, but Kashim nodded anyway. It wasn't unusual for Gauron to beat
him without any reason and the sex always hurt and the man knew it. But when
ever Gauron wanted sex or was drunk the amount of pain he inflicted didn't
matter. And most of the times Gauron was one or both of those things.
“Go get him for me. And bring my rifle too”, Gauron ordered then and smacked
Kashim's ass a little.
Kashim pulled on his pants and walked out of the room without his shirt.
“Gauron wants to see you”, he told the local man in fluent Pashto. “He told me
to bring him his rifle”, he then said to Vostrikov in Russian. The man raised
his eyebrows to Kashim's words. The Afghan man shuffled to his feet and went
into the room Gauron was in.
“Gauron?” Vostrikov called to the room.
“It's okay”, came the answer.
Kashim took the M16. Of course he wouldn't shoot Vostrikov. He was Kashim's
ranking officer and one of the few who still treated Kashim like any other
soldier. Besides, running away wasn't an option anymore. It actually did make
things a whole lot simpler, even if Kashim didn't like to admit it. He walked
into the backroom and held the rifle to pass it to Gauron. The man just
dismissed him with a wave of his hand. They had been talking. Gauron had gotten
a fat cigar from somewhere and was smoking it, still sprawled in the tub.
“...and since it really seems you're not able to pay your debts--” Gauron
continued.
“You can't do it! She's my wife!” the man pleaded. “The love of my life and the
soul of my home! She's all I have!”
Gauron let out a barking laugh. “Well aren't you a poet. She's also the only
thing in this shit hole worth of anything. Or am I wrong?”
The man stammered. “Well... I... I do not own anything. I'm a poor man.”
Gauron smoked in silence. “Liar is what you are and a thief. You have your
fields.”
“Fields? The fields are my life. Gauron, sir, please. I have nothing but my
fields!”
“Two seconds ago it was your wife that was the only thing you had!” Gauron
barked. “So choose one!”
The lower lip trembled, as the man tried to speak. “I-- I--”
“Well? What is it that I can have; your wife or the fields?” Gauron asked and
leaned back in his tub.
The man wiped his forehead with a shaky hand. “My... wife.”
Gauron snorted. “You're an asshole, you know that Ihab? What kind of a man
gives his wife to the likes of us? Weren't you supposed to love her? You make
me fucking sick. Kashim, shoot him.”
There was panic in the man's face when he turned around to face Kashim. He
didn't have the time to say anything when Kashim had already lifted the barrel
to the man's face. One shot spread most of his brains to the walls with a
bright red splash. The corpse fell over. Kashim felt nothing. Killing wasn't
anything to him anymore, it was just about following the orders he was given.
Kashim didn't know how many people he had killed in his life. He had lost count
in the early stages when there had been the first bomb attacks involving
several people. But it must have been somewhere above hundred by now. The woman
was screaming in the living room and Kashim glanced that way.
“Vostrikov can handle her”, Gauron said and beckoned Kashim to bring the rifle
to him. Kashim did. Gauron smoked few seconds in silence and stared at the body
and the growing pool of blood. “Nice shot”, Gauron stated and lowered the rifle
to the floor next to the tub. “Now leave me alone. Go finish that palao.”
Kashim left the room.
***** Flying *****
Sleeping wasn't easy that night. Even though Gauron was snoring on the other
side of the double bed, there were other sounds that kept Kashim awake. In the
living room Vostrikov was having sex with the wife of the house. She was
screaming and crying a lot. It wouldn't have bothered Kashim so much if he
hadn't known what was going on. He had seen crying women before, and even saw
few of them in the hands of other men of the group. But now that he had
experienced himself what it felt like to be in that position, he felt like
going there and shooting Vostrikov. Kashim shifted in the bed and faced the
wall. Gauron's hand came weary and heavy on his side. He smoothed Kashim's skin
for awhile.
“You're awake”, he said in hoarse voice. Kashim didn't answer him. Vostrikov
was hitting the woman in the living room. “Do you want me to tell him to keep
it down?” The hand moved to pet Kashim's hair.
“No”, Kashim mumbled. It wouldn't make any difference. It would only make
Vostrikov pissed.
Gauron chuckled in low tone. “Do you like listening to them?” His hand moved to
Kashim's stomach.
“No”, Kashim said, little disturbed that the man could even think like that.
Kashim didn't have anything against hurting people, if it was necessary, but he
never enjoyed it.
Gauron snorted quietly and let his arm rest on top of Kashim. “She's not really
hurting. Women can't hurt during sex, they're built that way. She's just upset
about his man being an asshole. Go to sleep.”
Kashim stared at the wall, not really sure if he should believe Gauron or not.
He knew nothing about women and sex, so he couldn't really tell. But at least
the hitting would hurt. Hitting would hurt anyone.
Kashim woke up, which meant he had slept too. He didn't know for how long, but
it was dark and he wasn't tired anymore. Kashim didn't like sleeping in beds
because they were always too soft and hot and they made him feel utterly
vulnerable. Like someone could attack him at any moment and he would be just
lying there like on a plate. Gauron seemed to be still asleep. The house was
silent. As Kashim got up a hand grapped him by the wrist. He turned to Gauron.
“Stay inside the house.”
“Yes sir”, he affirmed and Gauron let go of his hand, closing his eyes again.
Vostrikov was sleeping naked on the sofa. There were empty vodka bottles on the
table. The woman, who was tied and gagged in the corner lifted her eyes to
Kashim. She had bruises on her face and she had been crying. Her long dark hair
was in tangles and she was naked too. Kashim walked past her to the kitchen and
got himself some of the palao.
He stayed in the kitchen, since it was the only room in which he could be
alone. There was a small window there and Kashim watched as the village started
to wake up one person at a time. It was maybe two hours later when Gauron
called his name.
Kashim walked into the room. Gauron was lying on the bed, arms folded behind
his head. He patted the bed next to him. “Come here.”
Kashim's eyes fixed on the bulge on the sheet. He wouldn't go near the man now.
There was deep silence in the room. “The woman's hurt”, Kashim decided to say,
to distract Gauron as much as possible.
Gauron's eyebrow rose slightly. “So?”
Kashim opened his mouth. “She has bruises on her face. Won't that drop her
price?” He had heard things like that. This wasn't the first woman they had
sold to cover someone's debt.
Gauron stared at him for a moment. “Well then, you should go tell Vostrikov
that it will be taken out of his money.”
Kashim's eyes widened. Why he? Vostrikov was the only one still treating Kashim
fair, but that would change as soon as he found out that Kashim was butting in
on his business.
“You don't want to?” Gauron asked with a smile. Kashim shook his head. “Then
shut the fuck up about things that don't concern you and come here. This is the
only thing that you need to take care of.” Gauron pointed his finger towards
his crotch. When Kashim didn't move, the man groaned a little. “Come on. Don't
make me come over there and beat you. I thought we could have a nice morning.”
Kashim's hands tightened into fists. “It's not nice.” His voice wasn't more
than a whisper. Gauron stared at him. “I don't like it. I have never liked it.”
There was a cold silence in the room. Gauron kept staring at him for a moment,
before sighing and sitting up. Kashim backed away few steps immediately and
tensed to prepare himself for the fight. “So you'd rather be hit?”
Kashim was silent for awhile. He was thinking about it. “Yes.”
Gauron's eyebrows rose. “Really? Why?”
“It hurts less and for a shorter time”, Kashim stated.
Gauron snorted and sat still for awhile. “Come on then. I won't hurt you.”
Kashim didn't move a muscle. “Ok...” Gauron mumbled. “If you come here now, I
won't hurt you.”
Kashim didn't know what to do. What ever he would do, it would hurt one way or
another. Usually Kashim didn't care about pain when someone hit him or when he
was fighting with an enemy. That he could handle. But it was different with
Gauron. The wounds were inside and no one gave a crap about them. If he had a
broken arm, he was excused from setting up the camp or fighting, but if he was
hurt after Gauron, he was just made to do even more than usual. And there
wasn't anything to heal the wounds Gauron inflicted him.
“Come here”, Gauron said and held out his hand. “I won't do anything that will
hurt you. Here,” he grunted and took his pants from the floor. He took
something out of his pocket and Kashim could see the tube the medic had given
him earlier. Gauron held out the item in his palm. “When I use this, you're not
going to feel a thing.”
Kashim stared at the tube and didn't quite believe it. The pain was so
unbearable that unless the tube contained something to knock him unconscious,
Gauron was most definitely lying.
“The westerners use stuff like this all the time”, Gauron said with lighter
tone. “I didn't know they had it here, so I haven't used it. But now that we
have it, you don't have to hurt anymore.”
It just sounded too good to be true. Little by little Kashim had learned that
whenever something sounded too good to be true, it probably was. Like when you
thought you could run away from Gauron.
“Besides I don't even want to fuck right now, we're on a schedule”, Gauron
stated and tossed the tube away. “You can just jerk it off.”
'Jerking' meant that Kashim could use just his hand. It wasn't that bad. There
wasn't even no one watching them right now. The only negative thing was that
sometimes Gauron changed his mind in the middle of jerking and decided that he
wanted a blow or a fuck.
“Nothing else”, Kashim mumbled and took few uncertain steps forward. Gauron
smiled and placed his hands on Kashim's hips, pulling him closer. Kashim's abs
tensed when Gauron leaned in and kissed his bare stomach, his hands finding
their way to Kashim's clothed ass.
“Mmm... You feel so good”, the man mumbled and rubbed Kashim's tensed behind
with his hands. “Such a tight ass... What I wouldn't give to just fuck you
forever”, Gauron hummed and pressed his cheek against Kashim's stomach. The
man's stubble had grown and was extremely coarse against his skin. “I'm sorry
about yesterday. I just lose it when you're so beautiful, Kashim, all sprawled
out and taking me inside you.” The man sighed deeply. “Come on, just a quick
blow. Your lips are so amazing.” Gauron's large hand rose to Kashim's cheek and
his thumb rubbed against Kashim's lower lip.
“No”, Kashim said quietly. He wouldn't do it again. Not when Gauron had just
yesterday gone all the way.
Gauron chuckled a little and took a hold of Kashim's hips. The boy let out a
yelp when he was picked up and thrown on to the bed. “Did you just say 'no' to
me?” Gauron smiled, and held himself over Kashim, his hands on either side of
the boy's head.
“You said you wanted just a jerk”, Kashim reminded the man. He felt more than
just a little nervous with Gauron naked and leaning over him.
Gauron brushed Kashim's cheek with his hand. It was unnerving to stare back at
Gauron, but Kashim kept his face stern. There wasn't all that much that Gauron
could do to him that he hadn't done already. Or at least Kashim thought so. It
wasn't likely that the man would torture him. There was nothing to gain by
that.
“So let's have one.” Gauron leaned lower and would have kissed Kashim, if the
boy hadn't turned his head away. Gauron's grip on his chin was painfully firm
as he forced Kashim to face him. The kiss was slow and intimate. Gauron pulled
Kashim's mouth open and his wet tongue intruded Kashim's mouth. The man tasted
quite foul after the night and previously drank vodka. Gauron's other hand
found it's way on to Kashim's crotch.
“Stop it”, Kashim ordered in rising panic and tried to wrestle the larger man
off him. This would end up with Gauron fucking him, if Kashim couldn't get to a
better position.
“You would like it”, the man grunted, massaging Kashim through his pants. “I
could make you cum, if you'd just let me.”
“No...” Kashim protested through gritted teeth and tried to knee the man.
Gauron lifted himself higher and backhanded Kashim hard across his face. “I'm
trying to be nice here!” he barked. “What the fuck is your problem?!”
Kashim could taste blood in his mouth. But for some reason it felt good. This
kind of pain he could handle, this was safe.
Gauron stared at him furiously and would have probably hit him again if
Vostrikov hadn't come to the doorway. The other man was already fully clothed
in his uniform and even his greyish hair was neatly combed. “Sir, it's already
seven o'clock.”
Gauron kept staring at Kashim. “Get the car ready and call the pilot”, he
grunted to Vostrikov and got up to put on his clothes.
Vostrikov glanced at Kashim, before turning his face to Gauron. “Are the plans
still the same?”
“Yes. But you don't have the time to haul the cunt around. I need you here to
supervise these idiots. There's a fortune on those poppy fields and that money
is ours”, Gauron answered and turned his eyes to Kashim. “Go finish her off.”
Kashim took off immediately, relieved to have some orders to follow instead of
lying on the bed. “And don't waste bullets on her!”
Kashim walked to the living room. The woman lifted her eyes to him. She was
crying but not pleading or begging, like most of the people Kashim had
finished. He didn't waste time by looking at her any more than that. Kashim
stepped behind her, wrapped his arm around her delicate neck and prepared
himself for a fight that didn't come. Kashim twisted. There was a loud crack.
“Don't you just love how efficient he is?” Gauron asked Vostrikov in the
bedroom. “It's like a dog you can fuck.”
**
They drove to a small airstrip with one plane on it. Gauron stepped out from
the truck and pulled Kashim out with him. Few men beside the plane saluted them
but Gauron ignored it completely. There was stiffness in Kashim's legs as
Gauron kept pushing him towards the plane. When they reached the steps that
would take them inside Kashim stopped all together.
“Now what?” Gauron groaned and shoved Kashim to step forward. “It's just a
fucking...” he trailed off and laughed then, probably at the horror stricken
expression on Kashim's face. “You've never flown before.” He laughed a little
louder before taking Kashim's wrist and forcing it to a painful angle. Kashim
rushed the stairs up to keep his wrist from breaking. “It won't fall, I
promise.”
Kashim had never been on a plane. He didn't understand how a giant piece of
metal was supposed to stay in the sky. It didn't make any sense at all. If you
jumped into the air with an AS it always came down, hard. Planes weren't any
different, right? They were hell of a lot bigger than AS' too.
“Come on”, Gauron said and walked past Kashim. The plane looked nothing like
Kashim had expected. It was like a large room, nothing like the insides of a
confined AS or the dirty vans and trucks. There were several big chairs along
the walls and small tables between them. The floor was covered with a thick mat
and the walls were painted with neutral shade of grey. There was a young
western woman standing next to one of the chairs. Pretty, as far as Kashim
could tell. He hadn't seen many women during his life and even less western
ones. She had long blonde hair and very red lips, neither very common in
Afghanistan where most of the women wore burqas.
“Welcome on board, sir”, the woman said in English. “We are ready for the take-
off whenever you are.”
Gauron smiled. “Very good. Do you have everything I requested?”
The woman gestured towards two large plastic bags which were draped over one of
the chair. “Two sets of black suits. The weaponry is located at the cargo hold
and will be handed to you as we land. You can find the list of refreshments and
foods we have on board from this list”, she said and took a paper from one of
the tables.
“And your name is?” Gauron asked with such a sugary voice that Kashim had to
glance at the man.
“My name is Susan, sir. It's a pleasure to meet you.”
“Likewise, Susan, likewise. Tell you what,” Gauron said and pushed Kashim to
take a seat on one of the chairs. “If you would be so kind and bring Kashim
here something to drink before we start the engines that would be great. He's a
bit nervous about his first flight.”
Susan cast a radiant smile to Kashim. “Certainly, sir.” the woman went to the
back of the plane.
“Kashim.”
Kashim turned his wide-open eyes to Gauron, who sat down next to him. The man
secured a ridiculously insufficient seat belt around Kashim's waste. He felt
his heart race and his breathing getting faster. Where were the helmets? And
the armor? Where were the controls of this thing?!
“Here's everything you need to know”, the man said and handed some small
leaflet to Kashim. The boy took the paper and studied the pictures in it. It
had some writing on it too, but since it was in English, Kashim had trouble
reading it. The whole thing didn't make very much sense. There were pictures of
a woman breathing through something that looked like a gas mask. In another set
a man was putting on some yellow vest. An armor maybe.
It didn't take long for the woman to come back and place a glass in front of
Kashim. “Drink that”, Gauron ordered and placed the glass in front of Kashim.
Kashim glanced at the glass. He never drank alcohol. He had seen what it did to
people and Kashim didn't want to become careless like them. He wanted to keep
his head clear in this new situation. “No, thank you”, he said quietly.
“Drink it.” Gauron's voice was stern.
Kashim took the glass and stared at it for a moment, before tossing the liquid
in his throat. It burned and made Kashim cough, tasted horrible and changed
absolutely nothing in his thoughts or behavior. He took the leaflet back into
his hands and started to stare at it again. The engines started and Gauron
turned his glance out of the window.
“What is this shit?” Kashim asked, getting slightly more nervous.
“It's the safety instructions”, Gauron stated. Kashim stared at the pictures a
while longer, his guts settling into a tight knot.
The instructions weren't good for anything. They didn't tell anything about how
the plane worked or how to operate it. “How is this supposed to save me if
something happens?” Kashim pointed at the picture where a man was crouching on
his seat, covering his head. “They don't even tell what things could happen!”
Kashim exclaimed louder. “What kind of instructions are these?!”
Gauron turned his eyes calmly to the leaflet. “That's what you do if something
goes wrong”, Gauron stated and tapped the picture of the crouching man with his
large index finger. “And I take care of the rest.”
Kashim stared at the man for a moment. The plane started to move and as Kashim
gripped the arm rests, Gauron placed his larger hand on top of his. The machine
gained speed and the whole thing rattled. Just when Kashim started to wonder
how much faster could they go, the ground behind the small windows started to
lower and then disappeared. Kashim leaned quickly forward to look out of the
window and watched as the airstrip below them shrank and then the whole town
and the fields around it and soon they were above the mountains. His ears hurt
and Kashim grimaced.
“It's the air pressure. Just like diving”, Gauron stated calmly. “Just do the
Valsalva maneuver.”
Kashim glanced at him before pinching his nose close with his right hand and
breathing out with his mouth closed. A small pop in his ears reduced the pain
immediately. Kashim stared out of the window. They were climbing through
clouds. It looked amazing. Kashim had never even dreamed he could see clouds
from the inside. There was always something new around the corner. New things
to see and learn.
Just like diving.
He hadn't even known how to swim when he had joined Gauron's group. Back then
he hadn't talked much either so when they had been crossing the Sistan Lake to
get out of Iran and the boat was shot full of holes Kashim had almost drowned.
After that Gauron had taught him to swim. Basically by taking him to a small
lake near Kandahar and pushing him in every time he tried to come out so that
in the end Kashim had had to swam to the other side to get out. He had almost
drowned then too, but he had learned how to swim.
Kashim didn't think about if often, but Gauron had taught him a lot of things.
Things you had to know if you wanted to survive in that kind of world. Kashim
knew how to fight using anything he could find or just with his bare hands, he
spoke three different languages and was learning to speak two more, he mastered
more than a hundred different types of weapons, AS' included and had the
stamina to outrun most of the people he had ever met.
He didn't know much about the politics. He could only read and write Pashto and
Dari, not Russian or English. Even though he had thought he knew Afghanistan
like the back of his hand, he had gotten lost just a few days ago. He had
thought he knew how to survive, but still he would've died again without
Gauron's help. There were still lot to learn.
It was easy to say that Kashim was happiest, when he was learning something
new. It made him feel stronger and better and it took his thoughts off about
other things. And for some reason it felt good when Gauron seemed to be proud
of him.
“How does it stay in the air?” Kashim asked quietly, staring out of the window.
They were now above the clouds. The whole flying bothered Kashim a lot. It
shouldn't have been possible. It was against everything that Kashim knew about
the laws of nature.
“It's complicated”, Gauron mumbled. He opened his seat belt and lowered the
seat so he could rest better. “But it won't come down so you can just relax.
Take a nap, have a wank.”
Kashim glanced at the man, but didn't bother saying anything. Gauron knew fully
well that Kashim didn't “wank”. Gauron stared back at him with slightly lifted
brows. “What?” Kashim had to ask after a moment.
“Have a wank”, Gauron beckoned.
Kashim let out a dismissive snort and turned his head towards the window again.
“No, thank you.”
“I haven't seen you jerk off lately”, Gauron said with a pondering tone. “You
still do that, right?”
Kashim was silent a while longer, going over his life in high-speed. No, he was
quite sure about this. “I've never done it.”
“Don't bullshit me!” Gauron snorted and for some reason he sounded a bit angry.
“Everyone does it. Jesus, you're 16 or something, right?”
Kashim shrugged. The truth was, he didn't know how old he was. Few years after
he had joined the group one doctor had estimated him to be somewhere around
twelve. Yeah, that was about four years ago. But that was only based on his
height and teeth.
Gauron sat up and stared at Kashim. “You're 16 and you tell me you've never
jerked off?” He seemed to be thinking about something. “Well... you've cummed,
right?”
Kashim's face turned slightly pink. He really didn't want to talk about this.
“When we're together, you've cummed, right?” Gauron pressed and started to
sound like there was something seriously wrong.
Kashim knew that there were two answers here; the correct answer and the truth.
It was always difficult to choose the truth, but Kashim had learned that Gauron
found out the truth anyway. Lying would always be the worse option. “No.” His
voice got strangled in his throat. Would saying that make Gauron pissed? It
might have been offensive or something.
Gauron kept staring at him. Kashim knew it even if he didn't saw the man. The
silence was brooding.
Kashim glanced at Gauron and tried to shrug it off. “It's just...” What was he
doing?! Was he trying to make Gauron feel better about this?! “It hurts really
bad.” He didn't know much, but cumming was related to the enjoyment, right?
Gauron should have been well aware that Kashim didn't actually enjoy any part
of fucking.
Gauron stared at him silently and his lips contorted in annoyed way. He reached
his hand up to press some button on the ceiling. Almost instantly the western
woman, Susan, walked to them.
“Yes, sir?” the woman asked Gauron.
“How does our flight time look like?”
“Well sir, at the moment we are right on schedule. The normal flight time is
about 6 hours 20 minutes and we should arrive Singapore at two pm.”
“What's the local time there then?”
“5.30 pm, sir.”
“Perfect. We'll eat lunch at about eleven. Before that we are perfectly fine.”
The woman nodded. “If you need anything, just call me.” The woman bowed
slightly and went again to the front of the plane. The door between the areas
closed.
Gauron turned to Kashim and the smile on his face didn't promise anything good.
“Now, have a wank.”
Kashim's jaws tensed immediately. “But... I...”
“Open your pants and take your cock out. Either you will do this on your own or
I'll do it for you. The decision is yours.”
Kashim's hands were trembling slightly. This was already the second time today
that Gauron was like this and it was only eight in the morning. “No sex, then?”
he asked quietly.
Gauron chuckled and took a more relaxed posture on his seat. “Well I can't
promise anything, you're so fucking hot. But I'll show you how to do stuff
without it hurting.”
Again it sounded too good to be true. Kashim stared at his hands, trying to
come up with a solution. Only when Gauron shifted his hand towards him, Kashim
snapped out of his thoughts. “No! I'll.. do it myself.”
“That's a good boy”, Gauron mused and pulled his hand back. “Take it out.”
Kashim kept his eyes on his hands because Gauron's stare was too unnerving. It
took some time before Kashim opened the trousers and pulled his member out,
trying to block most of the view with his hand.
“Don't worry about it. It will keep growing, most likely”, Gauron said and
propped his head against his palm. “Wrap your fingers around it and pull back.
Just like you do to me only slower.”
Kashim gritted his teeth and started to move his hand. He had never even
thought that there might be something wrong with him size-wise. Of course he
wasn't anywhere near Gauron's size, but the man was bigger in every other way
too so Kashim had never really compared them. He hadn't realised it was
something to worry about.
“Close your eyes.”
Kashim kept his eyes on his hand. He so wouldn't close his eyes now that Gauron
was right next to him. Kashim didn't want any surprises. “It's fine...” he
mumbled.
“Close your eyes”, Gauron repeated. “Concentrate on how it feels.”
With hesitation Kashim closed his eyes. It didn't make much difference, since
he could hear Gauron breath next to him. Kashim kept his hand moving and he was
about to tell Gauron how he didn't feel anything when he suddenly jolted. His
hand stopped immediately and his eyes shot open.
“Keep going”, Gauron said with a chuckle.
Kashim really didn't feel like continuing. He wasn't sure what he had felt, but
he was pretty sure he hadn't liked it. Or at least he hadn't liked the fact
that he had maybe liked it a little. Maybe. When Gauron's hand approached him
again, Kashim hit it away and started to zip his pants up with haste.
“Oh come on, it's nothing to be ashamed of”, Gauron groaned. “It feels good, so
fucking what? We're men, Kashim. It's what the whole shit is about.”
Kashim didn't answer. He sat still and stared at the opposite seat in silent
horror. There was something seriously wrong with him. Doing stuff like that and
enjoying it. No sane person did that. Kashim had always been above the rest of
them. Now he was turning into Gauron. The thought made him sick.
Gauron snorted. “Listen; you're bound to have hard-ons at your age. Every
single man does. Every fucking one. You just jerk yourself off and get it over
with.” He smiled and petted Kashim's hair. “Or you can just let me do it for
you.”
Kashim pulled his head away. “Don't touch me”, he snapped. “I don't like it.”
“Oh little angel, you just showed me that you do.” Gauron pulled his hand away
and returned to his relaxed position. “There's a crapper right there in the
back. You can just go there, lock the door and get to know your body a little
better.”
Kashim tried to calm himself down. Yelling at Gauron never resulted in anything
good. “Why the hell would I want to do that?” he asked annoyed. “I'm not like
you.”
Gauron's eyebrows lifted. “Well first of all; yes you are and there's
absolutely nothing wrong with that. And secondly; if you don't know how your
body's going to react to something like your own fucking touch, how the hell
are you supposed to prepare yourself for something more, hmm? Makes you a
pretty shitty soldier not to know what makes you tick.”
Kashim turned his eyes fully to Gauron's. “Sex and fighting have nothing to do
with each other.”
“Sure they do”, Gauron said calmly. “But more importantly it's about learning
to control yourself. It's a skill like any other and you'd better learn it as
soon as possible.”
Kashim had to take a moment to think about what they were talking about. “Learn
what?”
“Learn how to enjoy sex, of course. It's clearly a weakness for you”, Gauron
chuckled.
Kashim felt a burst of anger. He did not have weaknesses. He was the best
soldier Gauron had in his group and he would be even better than Gauron himself
someday. “That's not true”, he growled.
“It isn't?” Gauron asked with a smile. “You mean you don't fear sex? You don't
panic every time I touch you? You didn't think of changing the team because of
it?” Gauron watched him silently for a moment. “Sex can be used as a threat
against you. You don't think that's a weakness?”
Kashim fell silent and thought about it. Part of what Gauron said was true.
Well, all of it. Kashim gritted his teeth. He had a weakness that could be used
– that had been used against him. Shit. He hadn't even thought about it like
that.
“It's just like any other skill I've taught you; swimming, reading, fighting
with AS”, Gauron went on. “And since I very much like fucking you, you'd better
get used to it and make yourself that much stronger. And the key to that lies
in your own pants.” He grinned at Kashim. “Go have a wank and start making
yourself a better soldier.”
Kashim glared at Gauron for a moment before standing up and walking to the
toilet.
***** Singapore *****
It didn't work out very well. The toilet shook and rattled and it smelled of
sharp cleaning solutions. Kashim sat on the toilet seat, not able to touch
himself again. Gauron's words haunted his mind, telling him over and over again
that he was handicapped as a soldier until he learned to like sex. It was a
weakness just waiting to be used against him. Like Gauron had done so many
times.
With an angry snort Kashim reached to open his trousers again. He leaned back
and tried to take a more relaxed position, the way he had seen Gauron do.
Kashim closed his eyes and fumbled his member out again. It felt warm and
flaccid in his hand and Kashim gave it few experimental tugs. For few short
seconds Kashim thought he felt something, but that was all. He didn't get hard
like Gauron nor did he feel like continuing after awhile. It was frustrating to
think he wasn't as good as everyone else because of something he had no control
over. So instead he just sat there, enjoying the short moment of peace without
Gauron's presence.
After about twenty minutes Kashim finally stood up and walked back. Gauron kept
eyeing him with a lazy sneer.
“Well?” the man asked as Kashim sat down on his seat.
“I don't think it works the same way with me”, he stated and turned his glance
out of the window again, trying to hide the fact that the matter bothered him
so much.
Gauron huffed and closed his eyes. “Well, we'll do something about it later.”
The man crossed his arms on his broad chest and started to nap. Kashim sat in
his seat and kept watching the clouds beneath them.
**
When there was an hour left before landing, Gauron tossed one of the plastic
bags to Kashim. “Change into that”, he commanded and started to take off his
own clothes.
Kashim glanced at his Soviet uniform and stood up, tossing the jacket off. It
seemed they were going to meet some people who were against the Soviets. “Are
we changing sides again?” It happened every once in awhile, when the other side
was winning or Gauron just got bored. Once they had came about a battle of both
sides and Gauron had decided to kill the other group and change sides, because
the others had fresh beef for dinner.
“What?” Gauron glanced at him. “No. We just... need to look a little
different.” Gauron stated and seemed to adjust his balls in his briefs, before
taking out black trousers from his own bag.
Kashim took off his clothes and opened his own bag. “I...” Kashim stammered.
“This?” He pulled out what seemed like a black business suit.
“Yeah. Put it on”, Gauron urged. “You can't walk around in a fucking uniform.
They won't even let you into the country.”
Kashim's lower lip protruded into a pout as he pulled the black pants on. The
fabric was thin and it made him itch. Glancing at Gauron for guidance, Kashim
pulled the white collar shirt on and buttoned it up. Copying the older man he
pushed the hem into the pants and took a hold of the long black piece of cloth.
Kashim kept staring at it, but couldn't tell what it was. Gauron had draped the
thing around his neck and seemed to be tying it into some kind of a knot. It
reminded Kashim of a noose.
“I don't want to wear this”, he stated quietly. It really didn't feel like a
good idea to be wearing something like that around the neck when they were
about to meet someone who wasn't necessarily on their side. It would be too
easy to take a hold of.
“It comes with the suit”, Gauron said and beckoned Kashim towards him.
“It's dangerous”, Kashim informed as he walked in front of Gauron. The man
wrapped the cloth around his neck and kept turning and folding it to make the
knot.
“No one's going to strangle you with it. These people don't think like that.
They don't even know how to kill without a gun.”
Kashim frowned. “Are they retarded?”
“Something like that,” Gauron said with a chuckle. “But they can be dangerous
too, so keep close to me.” He tightened the knot around Kashim's throat.
“It feels bad”, Kashim said and tried to pry some room between the cloth and
his throat.
“Don't touch it”, Gauron muttered and smacked Kashim's hand off. “You'll fuck
it up. Put the jacket on.” Kashim pulled the final piece on and Gauron adjusted
it to his shoulders. “Damn you look good. Almost like a civilized man.” His
hand pushed Kashim's hair out of his eyes. “We'll have to keep this
afterwards.” Gauron patted Kashim on the shoulder. “Now take a seat and I'll
tell you what we are doing here.”
Kashim sat down and stretched his neck to make the suit feel more comfortable,
but it only felt more suffocating. Gauron had taken an envelope and pulled few
photographs from it.
“Our targets”, Gauron stated and placed the pictures on the table in front of
them. There were three Asian men in the pictures. “Mainly I'm doing the
killing, but there's few things I need your help with. It might be necessary
for you to handle this guy.” Gauron tapped one of the photos with his finger.
“I think he knows me too well to trust me, but you could get close to him
easily.”
“Who is he?” Kashim asked, staring at the photo and memorizing as many physical
traits as he could. The length of the nose, the width of the mouth, the shape
of the head...
“Yeong Lee, originally from North-Korea. He has a gang of some sort, handles
drug-smuggling and underground nightclubs.”
“Does he have something to do with us?”
“It's a paid job”, Gauron said. “With that money we'll get some nice upgrades
for the AS'.”
Kashim's head turned quickly towards the man. “We can finally get the gas
turbine engine for the Duster2?” he exclaimed.
“That and the BK-540's for both of us”, Gauron said with a wide grin.
Kashim's jaw dropped open. “That's--! That will enhance our battling for at
least 40 percent! The fire power alone--! The speed--!”
“I know”, Gauron smiled. “We'll be unstoppable.”
**
Singapore was very different from Kabul. They were both huge cities, but
Singapore wasn't dusty and dirty in the same way. All around them were bright,
colorful lights and buildings so tall they disappeared into the clouds.
“Don't say anything, just follow me”, Gauron said as they got out in front of a
hotel. Kashim lifted his eyes to the sky to see if the hotel was as tall as the
other buildings. He stumbled in his step as Gauron pushed him forward towards
the doors.
From inside the hotel looked more like a palace of some sort. It was quiet and
so clean Kashim felt bad walking on the carpets. Gauron walked to the counter
and Kashim followed him in a haze. Most of the men in the hotel were wearing
black suits and Kashim was grateful Gauron had made him change his clothes.
“Cheng Wu and son”, Gauron stated to the young girl behind the counter.
Kashim glanced at Gauron. Cheng Wu wasn't his real name any more than Kashim
was his son. Gauron had tens, maybe hundreds of names and all of them were just
as real as “Gauron”. More than once Gauron had given a false Chinese name, even
though Kashim had never seen a Chinese man who looked like Gauron. Well, he
hadn't seen anyone from any country who would have resembled Gauron even the
slightest, but still.
The girl didn't seem to mind though. She asked Gauron few questions about the
paying method and then passed them the key-cards. Gauron took both of them.
It wasn't just a room they were given, it was five. Two bedrooms, both with a
full bathroom and a large room in the middle which Gauron called a sitting
room.
“I will be gone most of today. You will wait here.” Gauron stated as he placed
one of the weapon cases to the sitting room table.
“Yes, sir.”
He walked to the television and flipped it on, tossing the remote to Kashim.
“Learn to use that and you might survive the boredom. I will get you something
to eat while you wait. They will knock on the door and call themselves the room
service. They will only come once and after that whoever comes through that
door, except for me, you can kill without any questions. Roger?”
“Roger”, Kashim affirmed. He glanced out of the window as Gauron opened the
weapon case to check that everything was in order. The city skyline stretched
as far as eye could see. It was a huge city. There must have been millions of
people there.
“You wouldn't last a day”, Gauron said.
Kashim turned his eyes to the man, who was looking at him while assembling a
handgun. Once he was ready, he stood up and patted Kashim's shoulder. “Just
stay here. You have the tracking chip still on anyway.”
Kashim's nose twitched as the chip was mentioned. It felt like he was in an
invisible leash all the time. Gauron left the room and Kashim was left alone
with only the sound of television. It was an English program and Kashim only
recognized few words here and there.
**
Kashim didn't cope well with boredom. He had been constantly doing something
for all of his life. Even when the others were just waiting for something to
happen and complaining, Kashim had been training either physically or mentally.
That was what he had done this time too. He had trained his English with the
television and doing some light training with push-ups and stomach crunches.
The food Gauron had promised was brought in and Kashim ate some of the fish and
fruits. He didn't touch anything he didn't recognize which was most of it. At
eleven pm Kashim took one of the blankets and made himself comfortable under
one of the beds. His sleep was light and he kept waking up every time someone
walked in the nearby hallway. But no one knocked or entered the room.
When the door opened few hours later, Kashim was already awake. He didn't have
the time to even shift to a better fighting position, when Gauron already
growled something at the doorway, making sure Kashim knew it was just him. For
a moment Kashim thought whether he should still get out or just continue
sleeping, but Gauron would never buy it if he faked to be asleep. He knew
Kashim was awake the moment the door opened. So Kashim got out and dusted his
clothes a little. He had taken the jacket and the shirt off, because they were
too nice to mess up.
Gauron walked into the dim room just when Kashim straightened himself. All the
lights shining outside made it impossible for it to be totally dark.
“I got you something”, the man informed and tossed a small carton, the size of
his palm to Kashim.
Kashim stared at the package, it was medicine of some sort. “I'm not sick
anymore”, he informed. Kashim didn't take a lot of medicines anyway. Only when
he had seriously injured himself, he took the pain killers when offered. But of
course it was always a different thing, if Gauron ordered him to take
something. You couldn't really argue with someone like him.
“Take one anyway”, Gauron grunted and ripped the black string of cloth from his
neck.
Kashim opened the small box and popped one blue pill to his palm. “What is it?”
Gauron stopped undoing his clothing and kept staring at Kashim until the pill
disappeared into his mouth. Gauron glanced at the clock on the wall and then
resumed the undressing, until he had only his pants on too. There wasn't blood
anywhere.
“Did you get them?” Kashim asked out of curiosity.
“The first one”, the man answered and walked into the bathroom to take a
shower. Kashim decided to just sit on the bed and wait. He couldn't sleep any
more anyway.
It took quite a long for Gauron to finish his shower; almost half an hour or
so. He walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and his
dark hair dripping with water. He glanced at the corner of the blanket
protruding from underneath the bed. “I really don't get you sometimes. It's a
nice bed. Much better than anything you've ever slept in and there you are,
sleeping on a god damned floor.” He shook his head. “Sometimes I wonder if you
might be few bullets short of a clip, you know?”
Kashim lifted his eyes to Gauron and frowned. “No, you didn't even give me a
gun”, Kashim reminded him with a puzzled look on his face.
Gauron stared at him for awhile, before bursting into a laughter and pulling
Kashim up and into an uncomfortably tight hug. “What would I do without you?”
Kashim didn't know if it was an actual question. “I don't know, sir”, Kashim
replied, his face pressed against the wet and hot chest.
Gauron's chuckle rocked Kashim's whole body. The man lowered his hand to
Kashim's bare back and smoothed his skin. “You know, you're about to experience
something amazing, Kashim”, he murmured into Kashim's ear and lowered his mouth
to kiss his neck. “It's going to be so good I almost envy you...”
There were chills running down Kashim's spine. Just as he was about to pull
away from the man, Gauron took a firm hold of Kashim's thighs and lifted him
up. Kashim ended up on his back on the bed, Gauron's massive body hovering over
him. “Don't...” Kashim grunted and placed his palms against Gauron's chest to
push the man off.
Gauron seized his wrists and moved his hands above Kashim's head. With a
ridiculous ease he held Kashim's both hands with only one of his and used the
other one to trail the ridges of his ribs. “It's not going to hurt one bit
today”, Gauron said with a smile. “It's all going to be so good.” Kashim yelped
as the hand started to open his belt. At this point any promises about this
being painless were meaningless. Gauron hadn't kept his word too many times.
Only this time he did do something very different. He stuck his hand inside
Kashim's briefs and started to stroke Kashim's member.
Kashim's jaw dropped open and he kept his breath absolutely silent. There was
something horrible in Gauron's relaxed smile. Kashim could only stare at the
hand in the dim light. A blue light shone on Gauron's skin from the window,
making him look like he was carved from stone. A thumb was wiped over the tip
of Kashim's dick.
There was a twitch.
Kashim jumped and was immediately pressed tighter against the bed. The smile on
Gauron's face got wider as he fastened the pace of his hand. “It's ok”, the man
assured. “Relax.”
Kashim did the exact opposite as he felt his body react. Every muscle in his
body was tensed to the fullest as he felt the odd pressure take over his groin.
It felt almost painful. But the worst thing was, that it didn't feel completely
unpleasant. Kashim was gasping for air as he watched himself get hard in
Gauron's large hand. The corners of his eyes were getting wet for some reason.
“Does it feel good?” Gauron asked with a low voice and pulled his hand away for
a second to lick his palm with one long stroke. As he continued, the only
answer from Kashim was a loud gasp. “This is what it's all about.”
Without a warning Gauron let go of Kashim's hands and member and stood up.
Kashim sat up and backed up on the bed until his back was pressed against the
headboard. He glanced downwards. It was still there, all hard and throbbing and
looking extremely alien to Kashim.
“Go on. Touch it”, Gauron chuckled. “It's about time for you to get to know
these things.”
With a shaky hand Kashim touched himself. The dick was rock hard, but more
sensitive than ever. It was a little bigger too. For some reason it made Kashim
feel good. Gauron came back to the bed with the mystery tube he had gotten from
the medic. Kashim pressed himself tighter against the headboard. It would have
been an understatement to say he was feeling a little vulnerable.
“Give me your hand”, Gauron ordered as he opened the tube. It didn't seem like
too bad of a request and Kashim held out his palm. Gauron squeezed out a small
amount of something clear and cold. “Rub it on.”
Kashim stared at his hand and felt the gel with his thumb. He had no idea, what
he was doing. Gauron shifted slightly towards him, probably to do it himself
and Kashim snapped out of his thoughts. He wrapped his fingers around himself
once more and inhaled sharply.
“It'll warm up. Keep jerking. Slowly. I don't want you to cum yet.”
It was annoying how little Kashim needed Gauron's orders or how little fear he
felt. He was eager to do it and there was something seriously wrong with that.
It was just that... he had never thought he could feel things like these. It
had always been a part of everyone else's life but not his. It wasn't everyday
that you learned something this big about yourself. When Gauron pulled Kashim's
pants off, Kashim just kicked more speed to it even though his heart was
racing.
“Come here and lie down.”
Kashim glanced at Gauron and licked his lower lip quickly. “I want to do this
alone”, he said, his voice quivering slightly. “Like in the plane.”
Gauron laughed a little. “No, there's more things I need to teach you. Just do
as I tell you and this will feel even better.” He patted the space next to him.
“Come here. I want to show you how this will never hurt you again.”
When Kashim still hesitated, Gauron took a grip of his ankle and yanked him
across the bed. Kashim ended up on his right side, next to Gauron, with the
man's arm wrapped around his chest.
“Now, don't fight back, ok? You need to be still”, he whispered against
Kashim's hair and lifted Kashim's leg up a bit.
Kashim tensed when he felt something cold against his entrance. He pressed his
eyes closed and tried to prepare himself for the pain when Gauron would ram his
fingers inside of him.
The finger slid slowly in. Kashim breathed out and opened his eyes. Gauron's
hand guided Kashim back to jerking himself. “Keep going. Slowly...” he
reminded. “Just enjoy the feeling.” The finger was pulled out and pushed back
in with long, slow movements. Even when Gauron moved his finger inside Kashim,
it didn't hurt almost at all. If he had been completely healed from the last
time, it might have not hurt at all. “Give me your hand.”
Kashim let his member go and reached back. Gauron squeezed more of the gel to
his fingers. “Start with one finger. Push it in. Spread the lube around.”
Kashim was glad he didn't have to look Gauron in the eyes. It made the whole
thing a lot easier. Gauron's hand wrapped around Kashim's rock hard member as
Kashim pushed his index finger in. It glided right in to the last knuckle.
“Move it around. Do you feel how tight you are?”, Gauron sighed against his
ear. Kashim could feel the man's hard-on against his leg. “Now, slowly, push
another finger in.”
At that point Kashim would have gladly stopped the whole thing. It had been new
and not so bad, but from now on there wasn't anything nice left.
“Go on. You can go as slow as you want”, Gauron murmured and placed his hand on
Kashim's side. “God you look good.”
Kashim pulled his finger out and pressed his middle finger against his pointer.
The tip of the fingers went in without a problem, but then Kashim stopped.
“Let your body adjust a while. Just wait and the pain will go away”, Gauron
said and brushed his thumb over Kashim's tip again.
It didn't actually hurt, uncomfortable sure, but Kashim decided to take a
moment anyway. Gauron shifted slightly and soon another dose of the gel dropped
to Kashim's fingers. Gauron's hand lifted his cheek. “That's good. Pull out a
little and push them in.” Kashim did that, because there still wasn't pain. It
was getting difficult to reach back enough.
“One more finger”, Gauron said and started to jerk Kashim again, this time a
little faster. Kashim's breathing got faster too as he felt the throbbing
pressure again. Adding another finger ached, but it was nothing compared to the
pain Gauron had caused him and would cause him if Kashim tried to stop in the
middle of this.
“This is how you prepare yourself. I leave the lube to you and you can do this
yourself in advance. That way it won't hurt anymore.” Gauron stopped his hand
and pushed Kashim on to his stomach. The big hands lifted his hips up as the
man pressed closer. “Keep jerking yourself. Keep yourself hard.”
Gauron spread Kashim's cheeks and pushed the tip of his cock against the
entrance. For few times he just glided the cock in the cleft, before guiding
more pressure into his push. Kashim clenched his jaws and fisted the sheets as
Gauron pushed in with one slow movement. The man let out low growl.
“You should see how your ass twitches”, Gauron chuckled and slapped Kashim's
ass. Kashim didn't need to see it, he felt it. He felt how his body tried to
push Gauron out and how his muscles clenched against the intrusion. He felt
Gauron's cock brush against his older wounds and send sharp flashes of pain all
over his lower body.
Kashim let out a shout as Gauron pulled completely out and pushed then in with
a faster move. “It hurts”, Kashim whined.
“Yeah”, Gauron sighed. “You should prepare yourself a bit longer the next
time.” He smoothed one of his hands against Kashim's back. There was another
dose of the cold gel against Kashim's hole. It eased the pain and burning a
little and Kashim let out a small sigh. Gauron chuckled. “You like that stuff,
huh?”
“Yes”, Kashim replied honestly.
Gauron leaned over him and placed a kiss on Kashim's neck. “Good. Now let's get
you cumming.” He reached under Kashim and replaced the boy's hand with his own.
The pace was fast and made Kashim gasp.
For a minute or two it actually felt good. Until Gauron let go of him and
started to pound Kashim with full force, making the bed squeak and the
headboard bang against the wall. Gauron's hand gripped Kashim's neck and
pressed his face against the pillows so his cries were muffled. Gauron finished
with a loud growl and pulled Kashim against his chest. He shot his semen inside
Kashim and collapsed to the bed, not letting the boy go.
Kashim's hard on was still there and Gauron placed Kashim's hand on it. With
Gauron still inside of him, Kashim started to jerk himself. It took awhile,
before the urge and the pressure came back, but this time Gauron didn't do
anything to stop him. Ignoring the chuckle which rocked Kashim's back and the
pain he felt all around, he increased the pace of his hand. It felt
suffocating, like he couldn't breath enough and breathed too much at the same
time. He was shaking and making a small whimpering sound.
Just as Kashim felt he couldn't take any more, Gauron's hand smoothed his
chest. It felt like something had snapped under a huge pressure. A flash of
pleasure that made him shout out and made his muscles convulse. The cum hit his
stomach and the bed sheets.
For a few seconds Kashim lied there paralysed, staring blankly ahead before
bursting into tears for an unknown reason. He was shaking all over, from his
lips to his toes. Gauron reached out to pull him next to the man and after a
short and pathetic fight Kashim was there again, against Gauron's body. Only
this time he was crying his eyes out, while Gauron smoothed his back with his
hand and repeated over and over again that everything would be okay.
**
Kashim woke up with a startle when something was tossed on to his face. He
sprang up and glanced around. It had been a pillow. Gauron was standing in
front of the bed and getting dressed. He smirked at Kashim.
“You were still asleep? Man, I must've worn you out last night.”
Kashim glanced at the clock on the wall. Quarter past eleven. Eleven. Eleven
like... almost noon? It was such a strange time of the day to wake up that
Kashim just stared at the pointers for few moments. He had never slept past six
if he hadn't stayed up all night.
“Eat, take a shower and get dressed. I need your help today.” Gauron nodded
towards the table, which had all sorts of foods on it. It made Kashim uneasy to
think he had been sleeping too deeply not to wake up when someone entered the
room with the food. In other circumstances it could have been fatal.
Last night came back with a small wave of shame and a bigger one for confusion.
Kashim didn't cry often but it had happened before. As an experience the crying
paled in comparison with the cumming. Kashim glanced down. The hard on was
gone, just as mysteriously as it had appeared in the first place.
***** The Hitman *****
Kashim had always had a keen sense of direction. He didn't get lost easily and
could always navigate his way back to the starting point if nothing else. But
in Singapore Kashim had to just step outside the hotel and he was already
puzzled. There were so many people, heavy traffic, advertisements, voices and
colours that it almost made him sick. Gauron had driven them across the city
while Kashim had assembled the handguns and a rifle in the back seat.
Their target would be in a private apartment today. Gauron would go in and do
the killing. Kashim would be positioned by the car further back with the rifle
and provide cover fire once Gauron would exit the building.
Kashim twisted the silencers to the handguns and went over the conversation he
had had with Gauron back at the hotel room.
“And the reason you won't shoot me with that is...?” Gauron had asked while
Kashim had handled the rifle at the hotel.
Kashim had lifted his eyes to Gauron and given the subject a quick thought. He
could shoot Gauron easily, but then he would be alone in the city. He probably
could survive, but getting back to Afghanistan would be difficult. “My
passports are with you and I can't speak English or Chinese well enough to
cross the border. They would probably arrest me and at some point Vostrikov
would come and kill me”, Kashim had answered. “Are the local prisons as bad as
back home?”
“Worse”, Gauron had said.
Kashim wasn't sure how that was even possible, but he wasn't eager to find out
either. He had seen people who got out of prisons and if they still had all of
their limbs with them, they were at least half crazy.
“I'm ready”, Kashim informed from the back seat and Gauron nodded. They drove
on for another half an hour, before Gauron started to circle one block. He kept
eyeing the alleys, balconies and the parked cars.
“I'll leave you there”, Gauron stated and pointed the nearby parking lot. “I
will be going in through that entrance and I will come out from there.” He
pointed the fire escape on the side of the building. “Shoot anyone coming after
me or around that corner.”
“Roger”, Kashim stated, noting the points he had to keep an eye on. “Are there
time limits?”
“I should be in and out in ten minutes. If something goes wrong, leave the gun
and return to the hotel, contact Vostrikov from there and he will take over.”
He parked the car, it's tail towards the building and climbed out.
Kashim tossed a blanket over himself and laid down. One of the backseats had
been taken out to make enough room for Kashim to lie down in the trunk
comfortably. He set the rifle up and pushed the tip of the barrel out through a
small drilled hole. Above it was another hole for Kashim's scope. Kashim took a
relaxed position, his legs on the back seat and his upper torso inside the
trunk. Through the scope he could see Gauron make his way towards the building
and disappearing inside. Kashim started to count the seconds and moved his
sight to the side exit.
Kashim had counted four minutes and thirty seven seconds when he heard the
first shot. It wasn't a good sign, since Gauron was supposed to use the
silencers. The man had blown his cover. It still didn't mean everything was
lost, because it wasn't anything new that Gauron just went ahead and shot
everything in sight instead of sneaking around.
The side exit stayed closed. More rounds were shot and Kashim started to count
out loud to keep track of the time. At seven minutes eleven seconds it became
silent. Kashim could make out police sirens further away. At 9.22 the front
door was opened and few men rushed out. As one of them closed the corner in
Kashim's sight, he fired. The man fell down and the others pulled their guns
out. Since the fire exit was still closed, Kashim took the others out too.
Better to be safe than sorry.
Few rounds were shot towards the car and Kashim cursed. Ten minutes had passed
and Gauron was still inside. From the look of it, they had failed. Kashim still
kept his eyes on the fire exit. He didn't want to make the grave error and
leave too early only to leave Gauron in trouble.
The car door was opened and Kashim startled. He was about to make sure it was
Gauron, when someone yanked him by the ankles and pulled him out from the
trunk. Kashim kicked and fought but as soon as he saw his attackers, he
stopped. There were four rifle barrels pointing towards him and Kashim's rifle
was still in the trunk. The men were shouting at him maybe in Chinese. Kashim
lifted his hands slowly as he tried to think of ways to kill four armed men
with his bare hands. It would've been possible in some other place. The police
sirens were coming closer and one of the men hit Kashim to the head with the
handle of the gun. Kashim let out a grunt as his legs gave out. The hit wasn't
enough to make him pass out, but it made him dizzy enough for the men to haul
him across the street and inside without a problem.
Two men were supporting Kashim from his armpits as they made their way over
some corpses. Kashim tried to see if any of them was Gauron, but they were all
too small for that. There were shouts from all around and car engines howling.
Kashim was pushed through a door and to stairs leading down just as the police
cars drove to the front door.
Kashim walked down the stairs and pressed his palm against his head. There was
some blood, but it wasn't a big wound. Nothing to worry about. He glanced
around. In the hot and dusty basement was about twenty heavily armed men. Each
one of them was eye-balling Kashim to their best effort. Some of them were
bleeding. Gauron wasn't there; dead nor alive.
Getting caught was an event Kashim didn't like. He wasn't looking forward of
being questioned or tortured. He knew he could handle much, but he had limits
like everyone else. And with Gauron gone, there wouldn't be anyone coming to
the rescue. Whatever the condition Gauron was in, it was clear he wasn't in
alive and in this building any more. No, Gauron was either dead or far gone and
Kashim had failed like a rookie.
He was seated on a chair. No one came close enough to tie him up, but the
rifles were pointed at him. The leader of the group stepped forward. He was an
Asian man, in his mid forties with a neatly shaved mustaches and a long scar
running from his left ear to his chin. The man asked something and lit a
cigarette, returning his eyes to Kashim. When Kashim didn't answer, he changed
the language to Chinese and then maybe Japanese.
Kashim straightened his back a little, which caused the men around him take a
better hold of their rifles. “I speak Pashto, Dari and Russian”, Kashim stated
them in Russian, which had become the most comfortable language to him. Gauron
spoke Russian to him and Gauron was one of the few people who spoke to him.
“Too little English”, he added in English with such a thick accent, he wasn't
sure they even understood.
The leader asked something from his men. There were general murmur around and
someone left the crowd. The basement was larger than Kashim had expected,
expanding underneath the whole block. There must have been several ways out.
The leader smoke his cigarette, while Kashim took in his surroundings and noted
that there weren't any torturing devices to be seen. That made him a bit more
relaxed.
A thin man rushed to them with a rifle and made a small bow to the leader. They
spoke few sentences before the newcomer turned to Kashim.
“Who are you?” he spoke Russian with a funny accent, which made him sound like
a small child.
Kashim didn't reply. He had no aliases and he wouldn't give out his only name
to these people.
“You were with that assassin, Nine Dragons. Are you in his team?”
“Is he dead?” Kashim decided to ask, careful to mask all of his emotions.
The man confirmed the answer from the leader. “Yes.”
Kashim didn't fully buy it, but still he felt a sinking feeling in his chest.
He had never liked the man, but nevertheless Gauron had always taken care of
him. Because of Gauron he had always had a team to provide him food and
shelter. Without Gauron, Kashim had his freedom, but not much else. It might be
that he wouldn't even have his life in a few minutes. If Gauron had been alive,
wouldn't he had come back to get Kashim? He would never just run off and leave
him here.
“You are sad”, the man translated as the leader spoke.
Kashim didn't answer. If Gauron was dead, there was nothing to protect anymore.
It all came down to Kashim and him alone. Now it was all about his survival. He
had to get out, to the hotel, contact Vostrikov and get back to Afghanistan.
Once there he could ask Vostrikov, what the team would do. With a little luck
he would be welcomed back there. If not, he would have to find another team.
“He was my commanding officer”, Kashim replied.
“You don't look old enough to be a soldier.”
“I'm not. I'm a guerilla fighter. I'm part of no army”, Kashim answered.
That seemed to raise some discussion among the men. The leader gave out orders
and most of the men left. “If you don't try to run, we will not kill you”, the
translator said.
Kashim stayed still as two rifles were kept pointed at his head while a third
man walked behind him to tie his hands. Kashim's wrists twisted automatically
to the correct position and when the man did absolutely nothing to correct
them, Gauron's words about the stupidity of these people came back to Kashim.
Either they didn't know anything about tying people up properly or no one had
escaped them before. That was about to change.
The two guards stayed. Kashim took a good 45 minutes to familiarize himself
with the basement. Where the lights were, where were the exits, how many men
had went into each exit and how many voices he could hear. What kind of weapons
there were, what kind of shooters were they, what did they think they knew
about Kashim.
Once Kashim was ready and the guards were already at ease, he stood up, holding
the rope that had been used to tie his hands. He choked the first guard and
used his rifle to shoot the second one. Before the second guard had time to
fall down, Kashim was already shooting out the lights. When the basement door
opened, he was already gone. It was almost too easy.
Kashim had chosen an exit in the north-west corner of the basement. One man had
come out of there, but no one else had used it. He didn't meet anyone in the
tunnel and surfaced after a short run from a manhole in an alley. The only
guard had been sitting on a wooden box, smoking a cigarette. Kashim bashed his
face in with the end of the rifle and after tossing the rifle away, jogged into
the crowd on the street.
He was located on the other side of the building he had just been in. For
awhile Kashim kept eyeing the building, trying to make up his mind about
getting the rifle or maybe search for Gauron. Just as he was about to leave the
scene, a black car drove past him and froze Kashim's movements. On the back
seat, sitting calmly, was Yeong Lee, their third target, Kashim's primary
target. The last name on Gauron's list.
It was more about stubbornness and being a perfectionist than it was about
being smart. Gauron would have kicked his teeth in, if he had known what Kashim
was about to do. But still, as Kashim watched Yeong Lee being driven to the
same building he had just escaped from, Kashim turned around and jogged back to
the alley.
The guard was still there, unconscious. Kashim rolled his eyes to the sight,
walked next to the brick wall and scratched his forehead against the rough
surface, just enough to make his head bleed slightly. Then he laid down next to
the guard, closed his eyes and waited.
It took several boring minutes for someone to climb up from the manhole and
start to shout. Kashim was kicked to his side, but he kept still. He was
carried back into the building, the men sounding very pleased to themselves.
Idiots.
Kashim spent hours in the basement with four armed men, now staring at him more
concentrated. This time his hands were cuffed. It was probably supposed to be
more difficult to get out from, but Kashim played nice and sat still.
The leader of the group came down with few other men. Among them; Yeong Lee.
Kashim was careful not to make eye contact to the man.
“You tried to escape”, the translator stated and tried to mimic the accusing
tone of the leader. “We said we would kill you.”
It actually made Kashim offended. That they thought him to be so new to this,
he wouldn't know how these things went. If they wanted him dead, they would've
killed him already. They had some reason to keep him alive and until they got
that, Kashim could try to finish off Yeong Lee. Kashim glanced at the leader.
Everyone was silent.
“Do you know who I am?” Lee asked and stepped forward. He spoke in fluent
Russian too.
Kashim stared at the man. “You all look the same to me”, he muttered.
Lee laughed and squatted down in front of Kashim. “Is it true you are Gauron's
son?”
Kashim felt his heart skip a beat. Was that the reason he was still alive? They
had contacted the hotel and now they thought...
“You are, aren't you?” Lee continued with a smirk. “No wonder he took you in.”
Lee took out a slim cigarette. “Well he's dead. You knew that, right?”
Kashim nodded slightly.
“Doesn't seem to bother you that much.”
Kashim didn't reply.
“I know what kind of a man he was”, Lee stated with a shrug. “A lot of boys
your age hate his guts.”
Kashim couldn't help the horrified expression crawling on to his face. How the
hell could Lee know things like that about Gauron? Did the whole fucking world
know?!
Lee only smiled dryly. “I know I'm right. I know the man. Son or no son.” He
breathed out a thick cloud of smoke. “So, what are your plans now? Back to
Afghanistan?” he continued when Kashim still didn't answer. “You look like you
could be from around here. Who was your mother?” With still no answer from
Kashim, Lee walked around a bit and turned back towards him. “This could be
your way out, you know. Start a new life. I could use a fast killer like you,
trained by the best.”
It sounded way too good to be true, but Kashim took the bait anyway and
shrugged. The more he kept Lee talking, the more he would learn about the man
and the easier it would be to kill him. “I have nothing to go back to.”
“You didn't have a team in Afghanistan?”
Kashim shrugged. “They all hate me. Because of Gauron.”
Lee nodded slowly and smoked silently for awhile. “Then why did you try to
run?”
“I don't want to be tortured for nothing. Gauron didn't share any information
with me.”
Lee let out a short laughter. “That I believe. He has – had – several trust
issues. Let him loose”, the man gestured to the guards. There was a moment of
nervous silence. “Go on. Let him loose.”
The cuffs were opened and Kashim stood slowly up, rubbing his wrists. He stared
at Lee, measuring the man and the ways to finish him.
“So? Do you want to work for me then? The pay's good and you don't have to do
anything... difficult. We'll get you a nice room and some food. New clothes.
How does that sound?”
Kashim nodded slowly. “Good, I guess. I could eat.”
Lee laughed and rested his arm on Kashim's shoulders, leading them to the
stairs. Kashim could have killed the man right there and then, twist his neck
or kick him head first down the stairs, but Kashim was a bit hungry.
***** Marked and Branded *****
Something was horribly wrong. Kashim didn't even know when that something had
happened and how, but there it was. He was disorientated, had troubles with his
vision and coordination. He couldn't think straight or even speak properly. It
was like ten bad fevers but together and it all had happened in what? Ten or
fifteen minutes?
Kashim tried to recollect the events and find his balance at the same time. He
had walked upstairs with Lee and he had been escorted to this room. He had
changed his outfit to these civilian clothes and had... Fuck.
He had eaten.
He had eaten food, which was not offered by his own team member. Food he had
not prepared himself nor seen to be prepared. It had to be it. Had he been
poisoned or drugged? Kashim turned to see the empty plate, but instead of one
there were three of them, spinning on the table. And then there was the wall
and then the ceiling and then the darkness.
Kashim dreamt rarely. That's what you got with such a limited imagination,
Gauron had always said. But then again, it was more like a memory than an
actual dream. The only thing similar was the dreamlike state in which they were
perceived. And of course Gauron. He was always there, in dreams, in memories,
in the present.
**
2 years ago
Gauron had been watching him so often Kashim knew something was going on. When
Gauron started to watch someone like that, it was usually because he suspected
something and the interrogations would soon begin. Kashim had no idea what he
was being suspected of. He had fought like he always did; to his best
capabilities. His AS was in top condition, he hadn't spent an unnecessary
amount of bullets nor had he ignored any orders given. He hadn't put anyone's
life at risk or spoken to anyone outside the team. Gauron didn't usually stare
at him like that. And like any sane person, Kashim got nervous of it.
It continued few days. Around the camp fire when they ate supper, during the
driving, if Gauron was travelling in the back of a truck with the rest of them,
he stared after the fighting when Kashim was doing his part of the looting. On
the third day Kashim got tired of waiting for the accusations.
“What?” Kashim snapped.
Gauron seemed to have been deep in his thoughts. He blinked few times and kept
staring at Kashim over the camp fire. “What?” he asked back in his rough voice.
The other men around the fire glanced at them and made Kashim feel even more
uneasy. It wasn't anywhere near sane to start to snap at Gauron. But he
couldn't back down anymore, everyone's attention was already at them. Kashim
cleared his throat a bit and turned his eyes to his dish. “You're staring”, he
informed with a softer tone. It wasn't a stupid reason to comment. He had seen
and heard others get angry when someone stared at them for too long. It didn't
seem to be a polite thing to do anyway. He lifted his eyes back to Gauron, who
still kept staring at him.
“So?” Gauron asked gruffly. “You're going to break from a stare? Some soldier
you are.”
The rest of the men laughed. Kashim gritted his teeth. He was always being
mocked, even when he was one of the best soldiers they had. Most of the time it
was because of his age, other times for something else, but it seemed like
Kashim would never be their equal, no matter what he did. So maybe he should
just start to act like all the others; start to defend himself more often and
with more aggression.
“I don't like it.” The laughing died slowly and silence took it's place. “So
stop it”, Kashim continued and went back to his food. He was extremely aware of
the fact that everyone was now staring at him and glancing at Gauron. No one
told Gauron what to do. Absolutely no one.
“Fu~ck you”, Gauron drawled slowly and cocked his head slightly. “I give you
food and shelter. I fucking saved your sorry ass from the guerrillas. I taught
you to fight and survive. I'll stare at you as much as I please.”
Kashim lifted his eyes to Gauron's. He was digging his own grave, he knew that,
but it was too late now. Kashim had to speak his mind. “I knew how to fight and
survive, and the guerrillas have nothing on me. You've given me nothing I
couldn't get on my own.”
There were few short laughters again. Now because the men knew Kashim would get
his ass kicked and it seemed to be their favourite thing to watch.
And sure enough Gauron leaped up and over the camp fire like some horrible
beast. Kashim had been prepared for it and lifted his foot up, catching
Gauron's momentum on his boot and flinging the man over him. They both rolled
to the dusty ground. The men were standing up cheering and yelling. Kashim got
up as quickly as he could but still didn't have enough time to react to the
boot. Gauron placed a hard roundhouse kick to his side and sent him to the
ground.
“You ungrateful piece of shit”, Gauron growled as he walked to Kashim. “I
should fucking twist your little faggot neck!”
Kashim was staggering to get to his feet when Gauron's knee was already in his
gut, sending the air out of his lungs. Someone was cheering Gauron to kill him.
Kashim was lying on the ground, coughing and trying to breath in the dusty air.
His mind was racing , thinking of all the things he never got to do or see
before dying. Gauron rolled him over with his foot and placed his boot on top
of Kashim's throat. They stared at each other.
“I could kill you any day I want”, he growled. “I fucking own you, you little
piece of shit.” Kashim lifted his hand to get the boot off him and Gauron used
the foot to kick him to the side. The boot was placed back on his throat. “You
don't believe me? Dmitri!”
“Sir!”
“Give me the skewer from the fire.”
“Sir... there's still food--”
“Give it to me!”
Kashim watched as Gauron was passed the skewer which had a second ago held few
pieces of lamb meat. The charred metal was glowing red from the spot that had
rested in the flames.
“Turn him around and hold him down”, Gauron growled. Kashim tried to fight his
way out, but several pairs of hands were already on him, turning him face down
to the dirt. “Let's brand this whiny bitch, so it knows whom he belongs to”,
Gauron sneered. Kashim felt his pants being wrenched off.
There was a second of cold night air on his skin. Kashim screamed to the sand
as the red hot metal was pressed against his right buttock. Someone stepped on
his hand, trying to see everything. Several pairs of hands were pressing him
down. They were all laughing.
There were four marks, before Gauron stopped, smacked Kashim's throbbing ass
and stood up. Kashim was panting heavily and gritting his teeth not to cry. Few
of the men stood up too, but the rest were still holding Kashim down. They were
shifting away from Kashim's head to make room for something. Kashim turned his
head towards Gauron to see what was going on and a hot splash hit his face. The
howling laughter erupted yet again. Kashim pressed his eyes and mouth closed
and turned his face away, but he could still taste and smell the urine. The
stream hit the back of his head and spread to his neck, ear and hair.
“That should do it. Properly marked and branded”, Gauron stated in satisfied
voice and shook the last drops on Kashim.
The men let him go and Kashim scrabbled to his feet and away from the crowd. He
pulled up his pants and kept wiping his face to his sleeve, trying to hold in
his tears. His whole back throbbed from the pain. The urine was dripping from
his hair and along his face as he glanced at the man.
Gauron was swinging the skewer in the air, smiling. “Disrespect me again and I
will burn your fucking eyes, you impudent piece of wad”, Gauron said and tossed
the skewer back to the fire.
“I'm not eating off that anymore...” someone mumbled.
Later Kashim learned that Gauron had burned four lines which formed a capital G
on his skin. Healing from the wound physically took weeks. Gauron continued the
staring without further interruptions.
**
Kashim tried to focus his eyes. He knew where he was. He knew that he had
walked in here on his own. He had sat down here on this couch and felt the warm
hand caressing his thigh. There were mostly pink and blue lights in his vision.
The constant thumping was either music or his heartbeat. Both were quite loud.
Someone spoke. Kashim didn't care about the language anymore, no one spoke
Russian anyway. He was so tired. It felt like he had been tired for ages.
Someone snapped their fingers in front of his eyes and Kashim grunted, trying
to push the hand away. His face was slapped, but he barely even felt it. He
tried to focus his eyes to the slapper, but the only thing he saw was another
Asian man. He had no idea who it was. The man was in a business suit, Kashim
didn't even have a shirt on.
The place around Kashim was in constant nauseating swirl. All the colours and
sounds kept blending together in massive waves. Kashim felt like an AS, being
controlled by someone else. He was being guided onward without his consent.
He was on his feet again, walking forward with short, jagged steps. He leaned
on to the wall and to someone walking next to him. Something hit his shoulder
and sent him to his knees. The next moment he was on someone's shoulder, being
carried away. Kashim tried to call out for Gauron again, because it was the
only thing he thought to be of any help. Gauron always knew what was going on
and what should be done next. Gauron would always help.
He was put down. Shoved around. Bent over. After that he couldn't move his
hands anymore. Vaguely he gathered that someone was fucking him. It was
relieving. It meant that Gauron was here. Kashim smiled a little. Now he didn't
have to worry about anything anymore.
**
Kashim didn't drink alcohol, so he didn't have hangovers. But as the pain woke
him up, he knew immediately what a hangover was and how it felt like. The men
in his team had hangovers quite often and now he began to understand why they
were so grumpy. He understood Gauron a little better.
Before even opening his eyes, Kashim grasped that his hands were tied behind
his back and he was still in Singapore. Someone was yelling at him in Chinese
and kicking him. It was weird to notice that kind of a thing so late. Like it
didn't even mean anything anymore. Kashim lifted his weary eyes to the unknown
man.
“What?” he grunted in Russian and was immediately washed over by nausea. He
felt sick and tired and from the pain all over his body he gathered that he had
been beaten and most likely fucked several times. His hands were cuffed to a
warm water pipe running behind his back. He was in some basement with wooden
crates and at least three other boys his age. Two of them seemed to be
unconscious, one was pretending to be. There was blood on the floor.
The man crouched in front of Kashim and held out a pill. Kashim's jaws remained
shut. He didn't remember what had happened after he had come back to the
building. He remembered Lee and his promise of hiring him. After that; nothing.
Obviously he had fucked up bad this time. It felt like he had woken up from
this basement for hundreds of times. The man kicked him in the stomach and
offered the pill again. Kashim waited for the air to return to his lungs and as
soon as it did, he kicked in the man's left kneecap.
The shouting seemed to wake up the other boys. They were gazing at Kashim with
horrified looks. Kashim took a look at his hands and tried to get the cuffs
off, but the metal had been adjusted too tightly, cutting away his skin as he
moved. There was nothing on the floor to pick the lock with. With a tired sigh
Kashim sat down as he heard running steps approaching. He had probably done
this before too. It felt familiar, the disappointment.
Three more men came down, took away the injured one and then returned. After
the beating Kashim was barely conscious as the pill was shoved down his throat
and washed down with water. Everything tasted like blood and the world went
hazy again.
**
It was hard to keep track of time. There were no signs of night or day, Kashim
didn't know where he was or what anyone was saying. Every once in a while he
felt like his head was clearing up and soon after that he was given more pills.
The things which remained the same were the loud thumping music, the fucking
and the pills.
Gun shots were new.
They startled Kashim from his muddy thoughts and he spilled something on
himself. He had been holding a glass. As he was sitting on a couch. Without any
shirt. Someone knelt in front of him.
“Kashim?” Fingers snapped in front of his face. “Can you hear me? It's me,
Grigori.”
The man took a hold of his face and lifted his chin a bit. Grigori. Who the
fuck was Grigori? And who was shooting? There was no shooting inside! Everyone
knew that. Such amateurs...
“Jesus fucking Christ... Come on, let's get you out of here.”
Kashim was helped up and over some dead bodies. The music had died too.
Something in close range smelled familiar and soothing, like gun oil and
petrol.
“Gauron's going to have a fit when he finds out. You stupid son of a bitch...”
Kashim turned his face towards the man speaking only inches away and something
in his brain clicked. “Vostrikov!” he yelled out in clear and extremely
surprised voice. Grigori Vostrikov.
“Yeah, me”, the man grunted. “All the way from fucking Kabul to save your sorry
ass before Gauron finds out and nukes the whole fucking hemisphere... How are
you feeling, kid?”
Kashim stared at the man and then a wide smile crept on his face. “You smell
really nice.”
Vostrikov rolled his eyes. “Right...”, the man mumbled as they made their way
to a car waiting outside. Kashim was helped to the back seat where he took a
horizontal position as soon as he was left alone. The purr of the engine lulled
him into some sleep-like state.
***** Kabul *****
“Kashim.” Pause. “Kashim!”
Kashim let out a grunt, but didn't have the courage to open his eyes. He felt
like shit again. Like... totally shit.
“We've landed. Can you walk on your own?”
Kashim processed the request for few moments and opened his eyes slowly. “I'd
rather not, if that's an option.”
Vostrikov sighed and leaned over Kashim to lift him up from the makeshift bed
he had been sleeping on during the flight. “Just tell me if you feel like
throwing up.”
“I feel like throwing up”, Kashim said immediately, before Vostrikov had even
touched him.
“Then stick your fingers in your throat and get it over with”, Vostrikov
growled and helped him to sit up.
Kashim shut his eyes quickly as the world began to sway again. He had never
felt this horrible. “I feel really, really sick, sir”, he informed in weak
voice.
“I know. You'll get better by tomorrow. We have to go now, come on.” Vostrikov
wrapped his arm around Kashim's torso and supported him as they walked out of
the plane. There was a familiar truck waiting for them with few men were
gathered around it for a smoke.
Kashim stared at the men for few seconds, before turning to Vostrikov. He had
forgotten to ask about the thing that had been bothering him for quite some
time now. And he didn't want to talk about the subject in front of the others.
“Is Gauron dead?”
“Of course not”, Vostrikov snorted. “Why the hell do you think he would be?”
“They told me so”, Kashim answered. He didn't say that he had expected Gauron
to be the one getting him back home. He didn't know if he had been hoping for
it to be Gauron. Somehow he felt disappointed. Like Gauron had just...
abandoned him. “And I haven't seen him.”
“He ran into some trouble and had to flee to Malaysia. He called me and told me
to get you back home. Come on”, Vostrikov grunted and helped Kashim to the back
of the truck. The other men were silent, just glaring at Kashim like they
always did. “Make sure he drinks a lot of water. And he's feeling sick so let
him sit near the door, right?” Vostrikov glanced at the others and got a lazy
murmur as an answer. Vostrikov was Gauron's right hand man, but that didn't
mean a lot when Gauron himself was absent.
The men got on and the engine started to roar. Soon the air inside the truck
was as hot and dusty as always. Kashim sat on the bench, leaning forward and
feeling like he would die at any minute.
“So... What the fuck happened to you?”
Kashim glanced at the man. It was Fjodr Kaminski, their sharpshooter. He had
never liked Kashim, so he most likely would have nothing positive to say now
either. Kashim didn't answer to him, just turned his eyes to the tarp covering
the truck's doorway.
“You got deaf or something? I asked you a fucking question! What was so fucking
special that Vostrikov had to go all the way.. where ever he went? We were in
the middle of a fucking break! First real break in a year!”
Kashim didn't reply, because he didn't know what he would have said. He had
been there to give back-up. He had failed and got caught, drugged out for who
knew how long. He didn't remember even a quarter of the things that had
happened.
“I'm so fucking sick of you”, the man grunted and tossed his empty cigarette
pack at Kashim's head. “I hope Gauron will never come back and we can finally
kick you the fuck out.”
Kashim snorted quietly and kept staring the small strip of land behind the
covers. “And then who will control the AS?” he asked and turned his eyes to the
man. “You?”
The man gritted his teeth and few others grinned.
Kashim wiped the sweat from his upper lip to the back of his hand. “You're the
one who's here on charity. Most of us are better sharpshooters than you anyway.
Gauron just feels guilty for getting your brother shot, let's you tag along so
you can feed your family."
There was a shout and the man rushed to Kashim. Everyone else just got out of
the way and started to shout cheers. Kashim tried to get up, but didn't have
enough time. As the man crashed into him, they both lost their balance and were
thrown out of the truck. They weren't driving very fast, but the hit was still
hard. Kashim hit the ground and rolled himself further away in the rocky
terrain. The truck stopped after a moment and the men hopped off to see how the
fight would go. Some of them were shouting bets and amounts of money.
Kashim rarely fought with anyone, Gauron had made sure of that. It might have
been one of the reasons why the others often thought he was a lousy fighter. It
wasn't exactly the case.
Kaminski was striding towards him. Kashim got up, pushing his nausea away and
glaring at the man. He heard Vostrikov call out his name, but ignored it.
Gauron wasn't here, so Kashim might as well act like he wanted too. Kaminski
tried to hit him, but Kashim ducked it with a side step and countered the
attack with a hard mix of hits to the head and kicks to Kaminski's legs and
groin. The larger man was on the ground in seconds, cursing quietly and cupping
his genitals. Kashim took few steps away and doubled over to hurl.
“Kashim! Kaminski! On the fucking truck now or I'll leave you behind!”
Vostrikov bellowed from the truck. “Someone starts to fight again and I'll
fucking shoot!” The doors banged close and both Kashim and Kaminski hurried
back to the truck before it started moving again.
“Nice one”, Wahidi said to Kashim with a grin and kept counting his newly
earned money. Kashim didn't reply.
“You fucker. You almost broke my nose”, Kaminski murmured and held his bleeding
nose.
“Attack me again and I'll break your neck”, Kashim growled and got a laughed at
by the others. Still, no one made any more remarks on their way to Kabul.
**
As they reached the capital city the men went their separate ways. Kashim did
what he always did when Gauron was away and stayed with Vostrikov. The man was
staying in a small house, owned by some civilian friend of his. Kashim was
welcomed to stay as always.
“How long was I gone”, Kashim asked as they were sitting down in the evening.
Both of them were cleaning their weapons, there were pistols and rifles all
over the living-room table. Vostrikov had a bottle of vodka and a glass on his
side of the table and he was smoking.
“About two weeks”, Vostrikov said after a short calculative pause. He glanced
at Kashim. “You don't remember much, huh?” Kashim answered with a shook of his
head. “No wonder, you were drugged out pretty badly.”
“It felt like a year”, Kashim said and started to assemble his rifle again.
“When do you suppose Gauron will come back?” he asked and tried to sound
nonchalant.
“Who knows”, Vostrikov snorted. “Might be tomorrow, might be next year.”
“Yeah”, Kashim agreed. There really was no way to predict how Gauron would act.
Kashim placed the rifle in front of him and kept eyeing it. “I could leave”, he
decided to speak it out loud.
Vostrikov glanced at him again before returning his eyes to his weapon. “Sure”,
he said slowly. “You could.” He took the cigarette from between his lips and
tapped a piece of ash off it. “But he would find you. He always does.”
“You could help me”, Kashim said and stared at Vostrikov. “I could have the
chip removed now, take the AS and just go.” Vostrikov let out a laughter, but
didn't say anything. “I could do that”, Kashim repeated with a frown. He was
getting tired of people always laughing at him.
“Where would you go?” Vostrikov asked calmly.
“Somewhere!”
“And what would you do there?”
Kashim was silent then, trying to come up with anything. “I could... I could
pilot the AS.”
“For who?”
“For...”
“For someone new who treats you exactly like Gauron does? For some guerrilla
leader who likes you even less than Kaminski?” Vostrikov asked and kept
glancing at him. He smiled as Kashim got quiet. “I'm not saying you couldn't
leave. For fuck's sake, if you feel like going; go. But you should know first
where you're going, how, and what comes after that.” Vostrikov took the
cigarette out of his mouth to take a sip of his vodka. “You couldn't stay in
Afghanistan, that's for sure. Gauron knows everyone here. And you couldn't go
to Russia either, they'd just send you right back with a different uniform. You
could maybe make it in Iran, even though you don't speak the language or
somewhere around the Caspian Sea, maybe in Georgia or Armenia. But that's if
you can support yourself.”
Kashim's eyes went back to the table. Who was he kidding? This was the only
life for him. He could dream about leaving and doing something else, but how
was he supposed to survive alone in a country he knew nothing about?
“I'm not trying to depress you”, Vostrikov stated and leaned forward to catch
Kashim in an eye contact. “I'm making you think things beforehand, so you won't
do anything stupid and hasty. You should plan things out, that's the only way.
Gauron is smart, he's violent and he's pretty obsessed about you. You'll only
end up hurting yourself if you start to fuck around without any plans.”
Kashim stared at the man for a while. “You could help me", he repeated.
Vostrikov leaned back and lifted his eyebrows. “I could. But I won't. Gauron
would have my balls.”
Without really thinking about it, Kashim took one of the rifles from the table
and pointed it at Vostrikov. “What if I make you?”
Vostrikov only smiled and crushed the cigarette butt to the ash tray. “For that
to work, I really should believe you're ready to kill me. Otherwise it doesn't
work.”
Kashim stared at the man and tried to justify his own actions. But no matter
how hard he tried to picture himself shooting at Vostrikov, he knew it just
wouldn't happen. Vostrikov was one of the very few people who had always
treated Kashim good and fair. In a way Vostrikov was the nicest man in his
world.
Vostrikov took a hold of the rifle and placed it back on the table. “Carry on,
we don't know when we'll have to be on the road again”, he said and gestured
towards the guns. Kashim took a pistol and started to take it apart.
**
“Kashim.”
Kashim startled awake and sat up, breathing heavily and trying to see his
surroundings.
“It was a nightmare”, Vostrikov's calm voice informed him from the couch. He
waited for a moment, before continuing. “Kashim, confirm.”
Kashim turned his wide eyes to the man and nodded. “Roger, sir”, he said weakly
and wiped some of the sweat from him forehead. The nightmare was still fresh on
his mind. The cellar and the men from Singapore, mixing with Gauron, drugs,
beatings... All of it.
“Are you alright?” Vostrikov asked and when he didn't get an answer, he sighed.
“I mean... Do you want to talk about the dream? Sometimes it helps so you can
go back to sleep.”
Kashim shook his head slightly. “I don't remember much.”
“Was it about Singapore?”
“Yes.”
Vostrikov let out a wordless mumble and lied back down, folding his arms behind
his neck. Kashim lied down too and stared at the ceiling.
“It must've been tough for you.” Vostrikov said. A lighter gave a short flash
of flickering light and soon the smell of cigarette smoke flowed in the air.
“Did they touch you?”
Kashim kept staring at the ceiling. He was pretty sure he was getting better at
understanding people. “Do you mean something else by touching?”
“I mean did they force you to have sex with them?” Vostrikov cleared, but
didn't sound as irritated as most of the people when they had to explain
something to Kashim.
“Yes.” He didn't remember everything, but he remembered enough. There had been
sex. And at some point he had thought it to be Gauron. Vostrikov let out
another mumble. “Do you think Gauron will be angry?”
“I'm pretty sure he will be pissed. But I don't think he will be mad at you. It
wasn't your fault”, Vostrikov stated.
“I got caught”, Kashim said. His stomach turned at the thought of Gauron being
mad at him.
“I'm sure it wasn't your fault. You're an excellent soldier. Besides, Gauron
fucked up too.”
Kashim grinned a little. “You tell him that.” Vostrikov laughed too. It was
funny, because you couldn't actually say things like that to Gauron. He would
beat you to death. Kashim felt mighty proud about his joke. He didn't come up
with them often.
Kashim kept staring at the ceiling and thinking about his nightmare. For once
he wished they had been on the road. Kashim could have slept near the fire and
all the talking and arguing would have kept him aware of his surroundings and
that everything was ok. Or he could have even slept in Gauron's tent and listen
to the man snore and turn in his sleep and it would have been unnerving but
familiar. Kashim hated new places. He didn't like it when he couldn't identify
the smell of his surroundings. At least it smelled a little more familiar here
than in Singapore.
“Would you mind if I slept next to the couch?” Kashim asked and sat up to watch
Vostrikov. The man glanced at him and might have waited for some sort of
explanation. “I... it would be...” Kashim had troubles forming his thoughts
into sentences. For some reason he just didn't feel like sleeping alone. He
needed to know someone was there to react too if something happened.
“Sure. Come on”, Vostrikov said then and patted the floor next to the couch.
Kashim dragged his blankets between the couch and the table and lied down.
Immediately he felt calmer.
“I don't like sleeping alone either”, Vostrikov said and reached over Kashim to
put out his cigarette. He didn't return his hand to the couch however, but let
it drape over the edge, his fingers touching Kashim's left arm. “It makes me
paranoid to think I'm the only one keeping guard.”
“Yes”, Kashim mumbled and stared at Vostrikov's hand. It was still touching.
Kashim thought about what to do for several minutes. Before he could reach a
conclusion, Vostrikov started to snore and Kashim felt more sure about moving
away.
The morning was loud and hot. Kashim woke up after six, well before Vostrikov
and spent a good amount of time just lying and doing absolutely nothing. Only
when his stomach started to growl, he nudged Vostrikov's shoulder.
“Mhrm?”
“I don't have any money for food”, Kashim informed.
Vostrikov lied still for a moment before letting out a grunt and reaching for
his pants on the floor. He took out some bills from his pocket and pushed them
into Kashim's hands. “Get something for me too, but don't wake me up.”
“Roger.” Kashim was already out of the house and on the streets of Kabul. The
morning rush was at it's peak and the air was thick with dust and noises.
Kashim had never felt more like home. Even though he still felt a little
nauseated from Singapore, he couldn't help but jog lightly through the streets
into the bazaar district.
Vostrikov had been generous with his money. And no Afghani notes either, but
real American dollars, whole twenty of them. Although Kashim knew he had to
take most of it back, he felt childishly happy about the amount. He could buy
anything he wanted, even the stuff Gauron hated, because he wasn't here.
Kashim walked around the stalls for a while before he gave in to his hunger. At
first he just bought some baklava and ate it. And then he saw the freshly made
Khoujoors and ate half a dozen of them. All the sweet stuff called for
something savoury and few Dolmas did just the trick. After that Kashim took a
little break, bought a bottle of juice and sat down by the river bank to watch
the people and the traffic.
Kabul was a huge place with loads of stuff happening all the time. The fighting
inside the city had quieted down for now and everyone was getting back to their
normal lives. For a while Kashim sat there, thinking himself living in the
city, working there like some civilian. He could've been a merchant, baking
Khoujoors all day at a bazaar stall. Or a shoemaker. Or a taxi driver. He would
just do his job and get paid, buy food with his money and never touch a gun in
his life.
Never fighting, never shooting.
Kashim emptied his bottle, tossed it into the river and decided it would have
been a dull life anyway. He would've gotten bored just like Gauron always said.
He would've done something stupid and ended up in jail or in the army. It was
no use thinking about things like that.
With a bag full of food Kashim returned to Vostrikov. The man was still
sleeping, after nine o'clock. Kashim placed the bag on the table and moved his
bed to the other side of the room. He searched the house for something to read
and ended up on his bed with the refrigerator manual. It was a good text to
learn from, since it had several languages in it.
Vostrikov woke up about half past eleven, quiet and groggy. He smoked a
cigarette before taking a look at the foods and the leftover money. “I'd let
you keep the money, but I don't know what you would buy with it”, the man said.
“I mean you don't drink or buy girls, you don't need to buy your weapons or
your clothes...”
Kashim was silent on his bed and thought about the money. “I like Khoujoors”,
he said quietly, almost a little offended. Like he didn't have anything to buy
in the world. Every other man in the team got paid except him. Gauron had never
paid him anything, but it was true that he was given the food, clothes and
weapons for free. By Gauron.
Vostrikov laughed. He placed the cigarette between his lips, took the rest of
the money and tossed them to Kashim. “Well then, that gets you about a hundred
of them. Don't eat all at once.” Vostrikov watched him put the money safely
away to one of the zipper pockets of his jacket. “And don't tell the others you
have money. They'd just cheat it away. And don't play cards either, that's not
good for you.”
***** Hazing *****
Kashim stayed with Vostrikov, went out at days, bought some food and an old
English book about some guy called Huckleberry. Few times they went together to
the outskirts of the city to the warehouses where they had left the arm slaves
and Kashim made sure everything was still working properly. Vostrikov drank a
lot and was often away for the night. During those nights Kashim spent most of
his time reading. He couldn't sleep alone for more than 15 minutes at a time
before some noise from outside woke him up.
He was reading about Huckleberry, not understanding very much about the text,
but enjoying it all the same. Laughter and shouting drew his attention towards
the front door and Kashim glanced at the pistol beside his bed.
The door opened and from the voices Kashim identified it to be his own team, or
at least some of them. Kashim remained on his bed and waited for the men to
enter. They were clearly heavily drunk.
“...so I said to the bitch that she could just suck my dick and be grateful I
want to save bullets and--”
“Vostrikov's not here”, Kashim decided to interrupt the conversation. That way
the men could leave now and he could just keep reading.
The men went silent and turned their heads to Kashim.
“Well if isn't the fucking nip-fag”, Kaminski scoffed and stared at Kashim like
he had just seen a fly infested carcass. “What're you doing, fag? Oiling up
your ass and waiting for Gauron to come back?”
It was mockery, not a real question, so he didn't answer.
“No man, he's fucking reading”, Gorlovich laughed with a cigarette between his
lips. “Whatcha reading there, jap? Some Fag-Sutra?”
Kashim wasn't sure he was even supposed to understand their slurring anymore.
Without moving his eyes from the men he kept making sure his gun was still
reachable. He would not take a beating now. He was seriously getting tired of
all this shit.
“You know, I'm really feeling like kicking your face in right now”, Kaminski
stated with a distant tone.
“Go for it!” Gorlovich cheered. “I can hold him down!”
Kaminski snorted. “Nah. This little bitch will bawl it out to Gauron the minute
he comes back.” He stared at Kashim. “Won't you?”
“I guess I have to report him if I kill one of our team members”, Kashim said
without a blink.
The men roared with laughter. Gorlovich spilled something from his bottle on
Kashim's bed. “Oh man, let's just beat the shit out of him. We can say he tried
to run or something. Besides it might be months before Gauron comes back!”
There was a silence for few seconds, before Kaminski and Gorlovich stepped
forward. Kashim's hand reached for his gun and when he lifted it up, the barrel
nudged against Kaminski's crotch. Everyone froze again.
“The fuck you are doing?” Kaminski snarled, but was clearly nervous. They could
all see the gun was cocked, the safety was off and it would take only a tiny
squeeze from Kashim's finger to fire.
“Get out”, Kashim ordered quietly. No one moved or said anything. “NOW!” Kashim
shouted and his voice worked like a whip to a pack of horses. With curses and
poor jokes the house was empty in three seconds. Kashim stared at the closed
door for a while, waiting for the men to come back. They didn't. With a sigh,
Kashim pushed the safety back on and placed the gun back to its place, next to
his pillow. He didn't sleep at all that night.
When Kashim returned from his light seven km morning jog, Vostrikov had
returned. He was eating some left over Qorma at the living room sofa.
“Heard you had a little fight with the guys last night.”
Kashim walked to the bathroom to wash some of the sweat from his upper body.
The house didn't have running water so they had to make do with jerry cans and
basins. It didn't make any difference to Kashim, it was the same on the field
too.
“I didn't”, Kashim called out to the living room. “They were about to start a
fight and I ended it.”
“With a threat to shoot them?”
“Negative”, Kashim answered and poured some of the water to his head. He closed
his eyes and washed his face, spitting the water from his mouth to the floor.
“I only threatened to shoot Kaminski and the shot wouldn't have been fatal.”
“They disagree.”
“Then they are lying”, Kashim stated and took a towel with him to the living
room. He ruffled his hair with the towel to stop the dripping. “I've had it
with them”, he spat and stared at Vostrikov. “Always making fun of me and
treating me like... like shit when they have no reason to. I'm part of the same
team. I've been one longer than half of them!”
“I know”, Vostrikov said softly. “But you can't start shooting them.”
Kashim was silent for a moment. “Yes, actually I can.” He had a gun and sure
Gauron would be pissed, but he would probably understand in the end and make
some weird comments about Kashim being the angel of death or something like
that. And Kashim most certainly didn't have any personal problems on the matter
of killing an asshole like Kaminski. The man held no strategic value to the
team.
Vostrikov stopped chewing for a moment and glanced at Kashim. “Now, Kashim,
don't make me take away your gun.”
Kashim frowned. “Why would you do that?”
“I don't want you to start killing our own men again, do you understand?”
Vostrikov's voice was strict.
“Yes, sir”, Kashim said automatically. Vostrikov continued eating. “What about
non-lethal shooting?”
“Not that either.”
“Warning shots?”
“Kashim!”
“Yes?”
Vostrikov stared at him clearly pissed. Kashim wasn't sure what he had said to
do that. He had just asked. “Hand me your gun.”
Kashim took a step backwards. “I would like to keep it, sir”, Kashim stated,
bit horrified. How could he protect himself without a gun? What if they came
back?
“I won't have you shooting people when you're overreacting to some stupid
joke!” Vostrikov barked. “You're fucking unstable enough as it is with the
Singapore and all that shit! Hand over the gun, that's an order!”
With a stony expression and stiff movements Kashim fetched the gun from his bed
and handed it to Vostrikov.
“And keep away from the other weapons. You don't need them here.”
“And what if they come back? They will beat me up and there’s nothing I can
do”, Kashim said.
“They have no reason to. They are busy drinking and fucking and smoking O. Just
stay out of their way and you'll be fine.”
“I--” Kashim started. The matter wasn't anywhere near solved. He had stayed out
of their way before.
“Shut up. I don't want to hear it”, Vostrikov growled and continued his eating.
“When you've calmed down, you can have your gun back.”
“I am ca--!”
“Quiet! I'll decide when that is.”
Kashim didn't talk to Vostrikov for few days. The man had been unfair and
stupid. Kashim had never wounded anyone he hadn't intended and Singapore had
absolutely nothing to do with anything. Sure, Kashim had some nightmares, but
that would never make him shoot or kill anyone. Vostrikov didn't say much
either. He didn't inform Kashim when he went out or how long he would be gone.
Kashim woke up in an empty house and felt alerted. He didn't know what had
woken him up, but he knew everything wasn't right. It was a gut feeling and on
a battlefield you always trusted those. Kashim was up from his bed when the
window broke and a metallic clink sounded from the opposite wall. He darted to
the kitchen without looking the type of the grenade. Luckily it wasn't
explosive. Kashim smelled the tear gas and pressed his sleeve in front of his
face. He couldn't just run out of the front door, someone was definitely
waiting for him there. The window was out of the question too as an obvious
escape route and there were no firearms in the house anymore. Quickly and
keeping his head down Kashim made his way to the bathroom and closed the door
behind him. It wasn't airtight in any standard and there was already gas in the
room too. But if Kashim could wait long enough the attackers would have to come
in and that was the moment he could take one of them out and get a gun. All the
thinking had gone through his head like an automatic script. Kashim dipped his
sleeve in the water basin and breathing was a little easier for a moment.
There was one more broken window. The door was kicked in, but instead of steps
Kashim heard another clink. That made it three canisters of the gas. Kashim
cursed silently and tried to airproof the cracks around the door with whatever
he found. The air was getting thick and it was hard to keep eyes open. Kashim
was tearing up and starting to cough and gag.
It was a humbling experience to realise he couldn't win this one. He would fail
again in something extremely simple. Stupid Vostrikov and his stupid judgement
error with the guns. This would have never happened with Gauron. Kashim felt
like kicking the wall and shouting out in frustration, but that would have been
stupid and futile. But god damned he wouldn't walk out himself! He wouldn't
make this easy to them.
Maybe ten minutes after the first canister Kashim had his head in one of the
basins, trying to wash out some of the irritation from his eyes and face. That
was when they finally decided to come in. Kashim could only see shapes and
movements but to his own judgement he put up quite a fight. He was dragged
outside and the beating and kicking commenced immediately. He could make out
Kaminski's cheerful yells in the background.
“Hey, hey!” Someone yelled. It might have been Wahidi, but Kashim wasn't sure.
He wasn't surprised to realise it was his own fucking team. Vostrikov could go
fuck himself with his reasonings. “Let's move this somewhere else. We're
starting to catch a crowd.”
Kashim was hauled to his feet and to the back of their truck. There was too
much blood in his swelling eyes and ears to make anything out of his
surroundings or where the truck was driven. It wasn't far anyway, not even
outside the city borders. Kashim was dragged out and dropped to the concrete
floor.
“This is the day you’ll die, nip”, Gorlovich snarled near Kashim's ear. There
was a stench of alcohol and opium smoke around him. “You’re going to the
ground. How does that feel, fag?”
Kashim gathered some of the blood in his mouth and spat. Judging from the boot
hitting his gut, he had hit a target too.
“You know,” Wahidi stated with a thin voice. He was holding his breath,
probably smoking opium even at that moment. “He's got that tracking chip on
him. Gauron will find his body.”
Kashim heard the quiet rustle of Kaminski's battle knife coming out of the
holster. “Well, we'll just have to carve it out, won't we.”
**
By now Kashim knew that he would never get used to pain. No matter what anyone
said, that just didn't happen. He had learned to ignore some of the pain, when
he had more important things to do, fighting, escaping... But to say that after
a while a battle knife in your shoulder blades didn't feel like anything was
just bullshit. Kashim did scream and he did try to fight and he wasn't the
least bit ashamed that he cried while he was doing it.
“Fuck, I can't find it”, Kaminski said and started to sound worried. “There's
too much blood! Fuck!”
“You cut his whole back open, stupid. What did you expect?” Wahidi snorted and
let out a wasted giggle. “You're so screwed, man. You know what Gauron's going
to do to you after that?”
“Shut the fuck up!” Kaminski spat and the knife finally left Kashim's body.
“I'll just burn the body then.”
“Come on. Don't you think that's enough?”
There was a silence which Kashim used to catch his breath. The voice was
vaguely familiar.
“What the fuck has that runt ever done to you?” the man continued. “Jesus
Christ, you're a bunch of whiny-ass bitches. It's like he took your place under
Gauron or something.”
There was general laughter, except from Kaminski’s direction. “He's a fucking
spoiled asshole, that's what he did.”
“Spoiled?” the man laughed. “Fuck, if being spoiled equals being ass-raped by
Gauron, I sure as hell don't want to be spoiled. Nor am I ever going to spoil
my own kids, if I ever happen to get any.”
“Get the fuck out of here”, Kaminski growled to the man. “This has nothing to
do with you.”
“It does now. I'm not going to lie to Gauron if he asks about the kid. And just
to let you know, you can't either. He smells your bullshit from miles away.”
Steps walked closer to them and Kaminski stood up. “Now, if I were you, which
luckily I’m not, I would get on a car or a plane or a fucking donkey cart and
get my ass as far as fucking possible. Because let me tell you man, when Gauron
gets back – and he will get back – he's not going to stop searching for you for
months, maybe years. And if he ever finds you, even after few decades, he's
still going to torture you to death. That's the kind of man he is.”
There was a moment of silence before some of the men further started to walk
away. Kaminski wasn't in any haste.
“What? You want to fuck with me now?” the other man snorted. “Stop staring at
me and follow your smacked out pals out of here, before I'll start wasting my
bullets on you.”
Kashim was lying still on the concrete floor of a building he knew nothing
about. He felt the dizziness of blood loss and the pounding ache all over his
wounds. The sand gave out a rattle underneath Kaminski's boots as he left. For
a moment the whole hall was silent.
“You OK there, little pal?”
Kashim let out a noise, just to let the man know he was still alive.
“Great”, the man grunted and knelt down. “Now, let's get this tracking bullshit
out of the way first.”
**
With his legs trembling and his vision blurred Kashim was escorted to a car. He
sat in without any questions, the back seat sending flashes of pain throughout
his body.
“We’ll patch you up better soon. Just hang in there”, the man said with a calm
tone.
Kashim glanced at the man and tried to remember where they had met. The man had
ash blonde hair and light blue eyes, something you saw rarely in Afghanistan. A
drop of sweat got into his eyes and made him squeeze his eyes shut. “We’ve
met”, Kashim said weakly.
“Yeah. Back in Asdabad. I was the one who got that chip in you”, the man
answered. “You remember?”
Kashim was silent for a short while. “The medic.”
“That’s right.”
The man drove on, through some small streets. Kashim leaned forward to get his
back away from the seat. “You took it off?”
“Better to keep that just between you and me”, the man said and cast a grin at
Kashim. “It’s in your jacket pocket, if Gauron wants to check up on you. But
once you toss it, he has no idea where you are.”
Kashim felt like he should’ve been more happy about the subject. He should’ve
been thrilled about it. To get finally away. But at the moment he just felt
sick and sore and wished more than anything that Gauron would be there to make
everything normal again and to shoot everyone who wasn’t obeying.
“You do want to get away, right?” the man sounded worried. “I didn’t just risk
my whole life for nothing, right?”
“I want to get away”, Kashim confirmed. “I just…” He sighed.
“Yeah, you’re not in any condition to run now. But later. Whenever you feel
like it.” The man kept glancing at him. “You want me to take you to
Vostrikov’s?”
Kashim would have wanted to say no, but he didn’t have any other place to go.
He had nothing in the whole world. Nothing but Gauron and a team that had just
tried to kill him. Suddenly his face distorted in a way it had done never
before. Like Kashim wasn’t in control of the muscles underneath his cheeks and
around his mouth. For a second he felt like suffocating under his breath, but
then the first sobs came and quickly pushed him into a wholehearted cry. Kashim
covered his face with his hands and wept for the first time in years for
something else than physical pain. The medic kept driving, not saying a word,
like he didn’t even notice Kashim bawling.
“I…” Kashim hiccupped and swallowed, staring at his hands. “I would’ve fought
them, but… He took my gun!” he shouted like it was the most unreasonable thing
in the world.
“Vostrikov?”
“He said I was unstable!” Kashim barked. He felt like yelling now, and hitting.
He felt like beating the crap out of Vostrikov if he had any more strength
left. “I fucking hate him. I hate every one of them.”
“You’ll get away”, the man stated calmly. “And once you do, you’re never going
to see them again”, he said and turned the car around. “Let’s go to my place.
You’ll at least get a good night sleep and painkillers.”
It was a nice apartment close to the city centre. On the fifth floor with air
conditioning and everything. Much like in the hotel in Singapore. Kashim didn’t
have the energy to awe the place more than that. He sat on a chair the medic,
Alex, had set out for him and tried his best to stay put as the man cleaned his
wounds and wrapped bandages around his midriff. He took the pills he was
offered without a second thought even though Gauron would have smacked him few
feet off the ground for taking medication from anyone else beside himself.
Kashim slept the whole night without waking up and once he did in the morning,
he just stared at the wall next to him awhile, before closing his eyes again.
**
He woke up to a loud knock. It was sunny in the bedroom where he had been
sleeping. Kashim felt groggy as he sat up and tried to remember what had
happened. He heard voices from another room and soon enough Vostrikov walked
briskly into the bedroom. Alex stayed at the doorway leaning his shoulder
against the frame.
“You ok?” Vostrikov asked surprisingly angry.
Kashim stared at the man and felt the remains of yesterday’s rage build up
again. “You brought me my gun back?” Kashim just asked. He knew he looked like
shit after getting his ass thoroughly kicked by the others. He was probably
covered in bruises from head to toe.
Vostrikov stared back at him and seemed to be gritting his teeth. “Who was it?”
“What do you care?!” Kashim barked and narrowed his eyes. “Don’t worry, I won’t
say anything about you to Gauron.” He had rarely felt this angry. He rarely
felt anything at all to be honest. But at the moment he would’ve given anything
not to be around Vostrikov or any other team member.
Vostrikov took a pistol from his belt and tossed it to the bed, next to Kashim.
Without saying anything more to him, Vostrikov turned to Alex. “Keep an eye on
him, ok? I’m sure Gauron will pay you for the trouble once he comes back.”
Alex just jerked his head in slight resemblance to a nod, his arms folded in
front of him. Vostrikov glanced at Kashim one more time and left.
***** Alex *****
Chapter Notes
     I'm really starting to wish I had the energy to completely re-write
     this..
Alex had the best laughter in the world. It was full and catchy and it made
Kashim smile every time he heard it. And Alex laughed a lot. Not only to the
weird and not really funny things like Gauron, but to the normal stuff like the
jokes he made or the stories he told. Kashim liked listening to Alex's stories,
since there rarely was any gruesome deaths or severed limbs in them. They were
stories about unavailable girls, bad food and farts in the wrong places. Alex
spoke a lot, but never made Kashim feel stupid for being quiet.
Alex had a hard time with the local food. He seemed to spend most of his time
searching for something he could eat and then complaining the rest of the day
about the taste, the smell and the cost of his findings. He talked non-stop
about pork and something called pizza. One evening he tried to make pizza
himself and almost ended up burning his apartment down.
Alex had been very careful never to touch Kashim without his permission. Kashim
didn't have the balls to say it would've been okay to touch him more often the
way Alex did it. Every night they sat on the bed, Alex behind Kashim's back to
check and clean the wounds and then wrapping new bandages on. Kashim just sat
there with his eyes closed, secretly enjoying the ghost of a touch on his skin.
Even the sharp pain from the rubbing alcohol wasn't bad when it was caused by
Alex. He always apologized. Sincerely.
“Can I umm... ask you something?” Alex started one morning. They were drinking
morning coffee in the small kitchen and eating the Khoujoors Alex had bought.
Kashim lifted his eyes and nodded, his mouth full. “You don't... like Gauron,
right?”
There had been a notable stress on the word “like” and it made Kashim nervous.
These types of questions always did. If it was Gauron asking, Kashim would have
most likely lied, even though he knew it was wrong and punishable too. Getting
caught from lying was still easier than answering truthfully. But this wasn't
Gauron asking. This was Alex.
Alex smiled slightly. “You have that look on your face again.”
Kashim frowned. “What look?”
“Panicked. Like the truth is going to get you shot.” They were both silent
until Kashim turned his eyes away from the man. “Would it?” Kashim was silent
still. “He doesn't like it when you tell him the truth?”
“Yeah”, Kashim said, avoiding Alex's eyes. “But he doesn't like to be lied to
either.”
“Ah”, Alex said with a nod. “That's a great excuse. He can just beat you when
ever he feels like it. No matter what you say.”
“I can take care of myself”, Kashim said with a bit of annoyance. He didn't
need anyone feeling sorry for him. He was a soldier, for God's sake. A
mercenary.
“I know”, Alex said calmly. “But it's okay to say if you can't.”
Kashim's eyes narrowed. Had Alex just said he was weak? It was an insult like
no other. Not to be able to take care of himself. Like a cripple or a child.
“Do a favour for me”, Alex stated and set down his coffee mug.
“What?” Kashim spat, still angered by him. It wasn't usual that someone called
him weak. Some civilian medic none the less.
“Tell me that you don't like having sex with Gauron.”
For some reason Kashim's heart was racing. “What?” he snorted and tried to hide
the nervousness in his voice.
“Say it”, Alex ushered.
“Why?” The palms of Kashim's hands were sweating. The defy in his voice wasn't
fooling anyone.
“Just say it. For me. Say you don't like having sex with Gauron.” Alex was as
calm as ever.
“I don't!” Kashim barked and wasn't even sure why he was raising his voice.
“Say it.” Alex was staring at him, no, examining him with his eyes.
“I...” the rest of the words didn't come out for some reason.
“Say that you don't like Gauron.”
There was only silence. Kashim was still trying to figure out where his voice
had gone. Those things were true. Why couldn't he say them out loud? He didn't
like to have sex with Gauron and he didn't like the man. But it didn't change
the fact that Gauron was necessary in some ways.
“Say that you don't need him.”
Kashim moved his eyes to meet Alex's. It wasn't actually true. Gauron was his
leader. Gauron made the decisions and got their gigs and money. Without Gauron
Kashim and the rest of the team had barely a place to go. None of them could
just go and join an army, they weren't on anybody's side and only few of them
even had nationalities.
“You can take care of yourself”, Alex reminded.
“I can take care of myself”, Kashim repeated immediately. That was true. Even
without Gauron Kashim would survive, that much was certain. But what kind of a
life would it be without a job or a team?
“You don't need Gauron.”
“I... But I do”, Kashim said with a frown. “He's our team leader. He gets the
jobs and the money and he makes the plans and--”
“But you don't like him.”
For some reason Kashim felt panicked again. “It's not about liking. It's our
job. Gauron's...”
“Yeah?”
“Well, he's not... nice like you, but he's a good fighter. His strategic plans
are flawless. He's a good leader.”
“Have you had any other leaders?”
Kashim blushed, he could feel it. “What's that have to do with anything?”
“If you've only had one leader, how do you know he's good? There might be other
leaders out there, who are just as good with planning and fighting, but who
wouldn't force you to do the things Gauron does.”
Kashim was silent. Gauron had told him about the army officers. “They do other
things”, Kashim said quietly, because at this point it seemed like Alex knew a
lot more about things than Kashim.
“What kind of things?” Alex asked calmly. “Have you had a leader before
Gauron.”
“No. But I've heard stuff. That they kill you if you call them by the wrong
title. Or don't stand in straight line. Or if your clothes are dirty.”
Alex nodded slowly. “And who told you that?”
Kashim was dead silent. Of course it had been Gauron. But why would Gauron lie
about things like that? Gauron had been in armies and Vostrikov had too. They
knew the facts.
“Has it ever occurred to you that Gauron might lie to you about the world
outside his group so that you wouldn't leave?”
Kashim gritted his teeth again. “I'm not stupid.”
“I never said you were”, Alex said immediately, keeping his voice calm. “I
believe you are a very smart person. You just haven't been allowed to think.
Gauron always makes the decisions for you and you go with it, because it's
easy.”
“So you're saying I'm lazy?” Kashim asked, getting more and more annoyed.
Alex was silent for so long Kashim felt like hitting the man. Just when he was
about to stand up and leave, Alex opened his mouth again.
“It's called a Stockholm syndrome.”
Kashim frowned. “What is?” he spat.
“The feelings you have for Gauron”, Alex said and when Kashim didn't show any
sign of understanding, he continued. “It happens sometimes when a person is
kidnapped. It's a coping skill, to survive the trauma. You fool yourself into
thinking that you like the person who is actually treating you badly.”
Kashim wasn't sure if Alex was just making things up. Kashim hadn't been
kidnapped nor did he have any traumas. And he didn't really even like Gauron.
He had just said that the man wasn't all that bad. “Gauron isn't--”
“You start to defend them, making up excuses for their behaviour. Blaming
yourself when they treat you badly. Believe me, you're not the first one to
experience it.” Alex took another sip of his coffee.
“Of course I defend him, he's my team leader. And we have rules, so of course
he has to--”
“Screw his made-up rules”, Alex snorted.
“It doesn't work like that!” Kashim barked. “You're a civilian, you don't
understand any of it! Gauron saved my life!”
“And you should be grateful for that , I understand. He has helped you a lot,
but he has hurt you a lot too and that's something you have to understand.
That's not liking someone. If you like someone, you don't hurt them, period.
Gauron doesn't like you. He likes hurting you. There's a big difference.”
Kashim kept his stare at Alex. He was so confused about everything he thought
his brains were going to explode.
“Why I'm saying this is that when you get away from him, you don't start to
doubt yourself. Your mind might play tricks on you and tell you that you miss
him even when you don't. You might be missing something familiar, the feeling
of being part of a team, knowing what's going to happen next, but that's not
the same as missing Gauron.”
Kashim shook his head immediately. Vostrikov's words came back to him,
reminding him about all the faults in his plans. “I don't know where I would
go. I don't have any plans or--”
“You're going to Japan. Next week”, Alex stated.
Kashim blinked at the words. “I am?”
“Yes. And I'm coming with you, so you don't have anything to worry about.”
**
The sleeping arrangements in Alex's apartment were odd to say at least. Alex
had a wide double bed in which no one slept. Kashim had moved to sleep on the
floor as soon as his back had stopped bleeding. Alex didn't like it and
insisted every night that Kashim slept on the bed. Alex himself slept on the
small couch, with his legs dangling over one of the arm rests, so Kashim could
sleep on the bed alone. Which he didn't. Alex laughed at the situation and said
that maybe they were both a little crazy. Kashim had smiled too.
Kashim dreamed about Gauron returning several times. Not even real dreams where
stuff happened, just Gauron's face and the man saying something or Kashim
walking on the street and suddenly bumping into Gauron. There wasn't time to
get panicked or explaining that he wasn't running away, Kashim always woke up
before that.
The dream about Alex had been totally different. Kashim hadn't even realized it
had been a dream before he woke up. It had felt so real.
In the dream Kashim had been in the apartment, reading his book when Alex had
walked in, telling him to get up to change the bandages. Just like any normal
day. The man had sat behind Kashim and started to pull away the strip of cloth,
his fingers lightly touching Kashim's skin.
“You're completely healed.”
Kashim turned his head a little in surprise. “Really?”
Alex's hand smoothed carefully over Kashim's upper back where the wounds had
been. “Not a scratch left”, he said. “Remarkable.”
“You're a good medic”, Kashim said with a smile.
Alex's hands were warm on Kashim's back. The fingers traced the lines of
Kashim's muscles and the spine. The weight on the bed shifted as Alex leaned
forward and he placed his mouth on Kashim's shoulder. The hands dropped to
explore the ridges of his ribs. Kashim closed his eyes and sighed in pleasure.
“Gauron will kill us”, Kashim said quietly.
“Gauron's dead, quit worrying about him.”
Kashim opened his eyes and thought about it. He hadn't known that, but it
sounded good. Gauron dead. He could stay with Alex forever.
“I shouldn't have shot him”, Kashim mumbled, feeling Alex's lips on his
shoulder.
“It's okay”, Alex replied softly. “It's for the best.” His hands moved to
Kashim's chest to hold him, the fingers grazing against the nipples. “You like
me better anyway, right?” Alex asked with a smug grin.
“I do”, Kashim answered, his voice somewhat grim but determined. It bothered
him that he couldn't remember the shooting at all. He thought he should
remember killing Gauron. It must've been difficult and dangerous. What had
caused him to do a thing like that?
Alex's hand sneaked down to Kashim's crotch and started to massage him. Kashim
leaned back against the man sighed in pleasure. It was amazing how good it
could feel when you didn't have to be afraid. Like... really, really good.
Kashim dropped his gaze down to see Alex stroking him hard, the tip of his cock
oozing with clear liquid. Alex's tongue licked the back of his ear and the man
whispered him to spread his legs wider.
Kashim was breathing through his mouth and watching Alex's hand. The other hand
was wrapped tightly around his chest, Alex's chin on his shoulder. Kashim's
toes were curling from the pleasure.
“Do you want me to fuck you?” Alex whispered.
Kashim shook his head, keeping his eyes down. It felt like looking at himself
only made him harder. “No. Just this”, he breathed out.
“Just this?” Alex's thumb wiped over the tip of the cock and smeared the liquid
down the shaft. Kashim had to shout out loud and grip a hold of Alex's hair.
The hand fastened it's pace and Kashim felt the pleasure packing inside him.
Just when he thought he would lose his mind he felt the rush of pleasure, which
almost knocked him unconscious.
Kashim blinked and stared at the ceiling. It took a moment for him to realize
it had been a dream.
“You ok?” Alex's voice startled Kashim and he sat up, gathering some of the
sheets to cover him. Alex was standing in the doorway with worried look. “You
had a nightmare?”
Kashim just stared at the man wide eyed. He could still feel his cock throbbing
and the sheets felt wet. Fuck, had he pissed himself?! In the bed?!
“Oh.” Alex lifted his eyebrows. “Sorry.” The man left the doorway and even
closed the door behind him.
Only after few moments of peace Kashim finally had the courage to take a peek
under the covers. He sighed with relief. At least he hadn't wet himself. He
pushed his hand into the briefs and pulled his hand back out. Cum on his
fingers.
Somehow it made him feel even worse than the idea of pissing himself. The idea
of cumming was just... It was too Gauron. Kashim didn't do that kind of things.
He wasn't like Gauron or the rest of them and he had always felt good about it.
And what the hell had he dreamt about Alex for?! He didn't even want to do
those things with Alex! And dreaming about killing Gauron and..! His mind was
seriously fucked up.
Kashim threw the covers away and got up. The briefs felt dirty so he just
kicked them under the bed and put on his pants. He could wash them later. Now
he seriously needed some fresh air.
Alex was frying eggs again. He did that every fucking morning. Like eggs were
the best thing in the world.
“Hey sorry man, I didn't mean to interrupt or any...” the man begun as he
walked out of the kitchen. For a few seconds he watched Kashim put on his
combat boots. “Where are you going?”
“For a jog”, Kashim grunted. He couldn't even look at Alex's face right now. He
was blushing from just talking to him.
“Really?” the man sounded surprised. “I'm not so sure you're up to that yet.
You had a massive blood loss and--”
“I don't give a fuck!” Kashim shouted and cast a glare at the man.
Alex just raised an eyebrow. “Jesus, no need to bite my face off. Just don't
overdo it, okay?”
“I'm fine”, Kashim spat and left the apartment with a good bang of the door.
Kashim started his jog with his normal pace. Usually if he had the time, he did
5-10 km round in the morning. It was his alone time that even Gauron didn't
deny. Few times Gauron had joined him, but that had been years ago. He was
still physically extremely fit and could probably keep up with Kashim easily,
but during mornings he was usually too hung over to run.
Kashim pushed Gauron out of his mind again. He was really starting to lose it,
wasn't he? Thinking about leaving the country, dreaming about killing Gauron
and being with another man... Now he was shouting at Alex, the only one on his
side, for no reason. Even his feet felt heavier than usual. The morning traffic
made the air almost too thick to breath.
Kashim gritted his teeth and fastened his pace. The last time he had cummed,
the first time, it had been with Gauron in Singapore. He had cried afterwards.
He still didn't know why. Or maybe he did. He felt like crying again. This
wasn't the direction he wanted his life to go. Slowly turning into Gauron
without being able to do anything about it. He didn't want to be like Gauron.
He wanted to be like Alex.
Like Alex. Not with Alex. There was a difference. Kashim leaped down a set of
stone stairs to get to another part of town. At the bottom his vision was
blurred for few seconds and he felt like falling down. Leaning his palms
against his knees Kashim took a second to catch his breath, but it only made
him feel worse. With shaking movements he sat down to the stairs.
This wasn't what he wanted from life. Always being told what to do, when to do
it, how to do it. Everyone mocking him, beating him, calling him names. Always
being on his guard, even with his team mates and getting the shit kicked out of
him the second he wasn't. Always relying on Gauron for every single thing.
There had to be more out there. Kashim didn't know where or how he would get
there or what he would do if not this, but he would find out.
**
Alex had made everything ready. He had gotten the passports and the plane
tickets. They even had an apartment waiting in Japan. Alex talked about the
possibilities of schools or some local military career. Kashim was worried
about the officers, but Alex said none of them were even half the asshole
Gauron was.
Alex had known how terrified Kashim was about leaving everything. But at the
same time he convinced Kashim that this was what he really wanted. A life
without Gauron. This was what he had tried to achieve with all the running and
escaping.
Alex had been really calm about his death. He hadn't fought back. All the
furnitures were on their right places. He had probably stared straight into the
barrel of the gun and smiled a little. Maybe told a little joke about farting
just before someone, most likely Gauron, pulled the trigger. His life had ended
quietly and without a hassle. His body was still lying on the kitchen floor
when Kashim came back from his jog.
***** Back on Track *****
“Kashim!”
The sight of Gauron sitting at the kitchen table, smiling widely and spreading
his arms made Kashim's skin crawl. There was an empty plate in front of Gauron,
Alex's breakfast eggs. A rifle rested on the man's lap and the pool of blood
under Alex had already stopped growing. There were three other men in the
kitchen, all new.
“What?” Gauron asked confused and dropped his arms. “No hug?”
Kashim just stared at him. He couldn't look at Alex. He didn't want to admit
that the man was dead. “Why did you kill him?” his voice was merely a whisper.
There was something stuck in his throat again, which Kashim now recognized as a
cry.
Gauron was still for a moment and then pretended to remember Alex. “Oh him?”
“DO YOU SEE ANYONE ELSE DEAD HERE?!” Kashim shouted at the top of his lungs,
startling one of the new men. The rage inside Kashim's chest was nothing he had
ever felt before. His breathing was hitched and his vision was getting blurry
again.
Alex had promised to get him away. Alex had tended his wounds and... And now he
was lying there. Alex hadn't done anything wrong compared to all the others. If
something, Gauron should have been grateful for Alex.
Gauron cocked his head and stared at Kashim. “Are you crying? For him?” Gauron
sounded disgusted.
“Fuck you”, Kashim spat and turned his head to wipe one of his eyes.
Gauron's head jerked back. “Well look who grew balls the minute I was gone.” He
took some papers from the table without looking at them. “What are these?”
Kashim glanced at the plane tickets and his new passport. He didn't answer.
That's why. That's the reason Alex was dead.
Gauron flipped the passport open. “I don't know who the fuck... Sagara Sousuke
is,” he pronounced the name with care. “Or why he would go to Japan and frankly
I don't give a fuck, but it seems you share a face.” He turned the passport to
Kashim. Alex had made fun of his face in the picture. He had said Kashim looked
constipated.
Kashim turned his eyes to Gauron. “I don't know what those are”, he said
coldly.
Gauron stood up with such a speed, the chair he had been sitting on flew
several meters backwards. “BULLSHIT!” Instantly he was standing right in front
of Kashim, glaring down at him. Kashim stared back calmly. For some reason he
didn't fear Gauron. Not after all he had been through lately. There was a deep
silence in the whole apartment. Gauron's eyes narrowed and he tilted his head
again. “Did he fuck you?”
Kashim had a severe urge to say yes, just to piss Gauron off. But the truth
was, that Alex had already been killed and in a fit of rage Kashim could be
too. “No.”
“Did you want him to?”
Kashim cursed himself when he felt his cheeks get hotter. Gauron wouldn't miss
a signal like that. “I had a dream about it, but not really”, Kashim admitted
with a shrug. He would have liked to have this talk private, but knowing Gauron
asking something like that wouldn't have any effect.
It seemed to take Gauron by surprise. “You had a sex dream? About him?!” The
same disgusted tone was there again.
“Would it have been better if it was about Kaminski?” Kashim asked calmly and
knew that this at least would change the subject.
Gauron relaxed a little. He was about to say something, but glanced at the new
men instead. “Wait at the cars”, he said and the men left. Gauron placed his
hand on Kashim's shoulder and led him to the bedroom. Kashim didn't object,
since anywhere was better than the kitchen with Alex. “I heard you've had a
little rough time.”
“If Vostrikov hadn't taken my gun, everything would have been okay”, Kashim
said and decided to put at least some of the blame and Gauron's anger on
Vostrikov. The rest Gauron could kill anyway, but Vostrikov was most likely to
get out with just blaming the others. “He said I was unstable.”
“You? Nooo!” Gauron gasped, but the tone was mocking. He sat on the bed. “But
he did make a shitty call, I'll talk with him about it.”
“What about the others?” Were they already dead or had Gauron wanted Kashim to
witness the killing.
“We'll talk about it later. I will make them pay”, Gauron promised with a sigh
and started to open his pants. “Now how about that welcome back gift?”
Kashim stared at the man for a second, before turning around. “I don't do that
anymore”, he said and walked to the living room to get his jacket.
It took awhile for Gauron to follow him. “What?” It sounded like Gauron had
never heard those words before and didn't quite know what they meant.
“What?” Kashim asked and was proud of his fake confusion.
“You don't do that anymore?”
“Yes”, Kashim confirmed with straight face. “I don't like it.”
Gauron was clearly out of words. It was actually quite a funny sight. Alex
would've loved it. “Let me guess,” he said finally. “Geary told you to say
that?”
Now Kashim was genuinely confused. “Who's Geary?”
“That fucking dead limp dick in the kitchen!”
Kashim frowned. “He didn't tell me to say anything. I just don't do it
anymore.”
Gauron's hand grasped Kashim's throat in a tight squeeze. “I don't remember
giving you options.”
It took a lot of self-control, but Kashim didn't lift his hands to his throat
or try to pry the fingers off and sure enough Gauron's grip loosened. He pushed
Kashim away and frowned. “What the fuck's wrong with you?”
“I'm fucking done with this”, Kashim said, holding his sore throat and walked
past Gauron. “Leave me be or kill me too, I don't give a fuck either way.”
**
The whole convoy was outside, the trucks with the arm slaves and everything. It
seemed Gauron had hired at least ten new men too, so they would probably go do
something big. Kashim walked past his usual truck and climbed in when he saw a
truck with only some new guys in it. Most of them looked like Russians.
Gauron didn't come to the same truck. The engines started to roar and the
trucks took off swaying and rumbling. All Kashim could think for several hours
was Alex and how he had yelled at the man the last time they had seen each
other.
“Are you the other AS pilot?”
Kashim lifted his eyes to a blond haired soldier maybe only few years older
than him. He nodded to the man sitting on the opposite side of the truck. The
blonde reached his gloved hand across the truck to Kashim. “Good to meet you.
Kurz Weber.”
Kashim took the hand and shook it. “Kashim”, he mumbled.
“I'm a sharpshooter”, the man went on, now with a wide smile. “I have a whole
load of kick-ass rifles with me”, he said and patted a large case under the
bench. When Kashim didn't reply, the man continued to talk. “I'm not a Russian
or anything, you probably notice from the accent, but hell Gauron pays well for
an easy job, so...” No response. “I'm actually from Germany.” Nothing from
Kashim. “You know where that is?”
Kashim shook his head a little.
It seemed to be all the man needed for a whole lecture about geography, Europe,
Germany and how the man had ended up here. Few other guys joined his blabber so
Kashim just toned out.
“So, Kashim. Tell us about Gauron.”
Kashim's head snapped up. All the others were staring at him.
“I mean, we all know he's a bad-ass and not to be fucked with, but anything
else?” Weber asked, still smiling for some reason.
“He'll probably shoot half of you, the useless ones, at the end of the mission,
so he doesn't have to pay you”, Kashim said quietly and was grateful for the
deep silence, which let him get back to his own thoughts.
The trucks stopped few hours before sundown. Kashim got out with the rest of
the men and started to unload the tents and supplies. He didn't get much done
before Gauron walked to him.
“Kashim.”
Kashim put the box he had been carrying to the ground and turned to the man.
Gauron walked next to him and put his arm on his shoulders. “We're going to get
us some Mujahids for the Ruskies, clean up few of the caves for a good amount
of cash. Now, this is a big operation and I need every man I have, okay? I
can't kill any of them right now and neither can you, you got that?”
So the assholes that had jumped Kashim and almost killed him wouldn't be
harmed. Yet. Kashim didn't answer.
Gauron's hand grabbed his shoulder. “No killing until the job's done, okay?”
“Roger”, Kashim said, even though he imagined gunning Kaminski and the others
down with the smallest excuse.
“Good.” Gauron patted his shoulder. “Do you want to set up my tent?”
Kashim glanced at the man. “I can set it up, but I'm not sleeping in it. The
new guys said they have room in their tent.” He gestured towards the men from
his truck. Weber was setting up a fire and the others were unpacking food and
the large tent they would sleep in.
“Oh. Well isn't that nice”, Gauron said with a smile. “You're finally making
friends. That's good. But come sleep in my tent anyway”, the man said, patted
Kashim's back again and left towards the AS trucks.
Kashim picked up the crate he had been carrying and walked to Weber. The man
opened the crate, took food cans from it and started to set up the cooking
gear.
“What was that about?” Weber asked, only quickly glancing at Kashim.
Kashim sat down and kept staring at the flames, feeding few branches to the
fire. He didn't feel like talking about his stuff with Weber. They weren't
friends or anything, no matter what Gauron said.
“Not much of a talker, huh?” Weber went on, grinning. Kashim glanced at the
man, but remained silent. “So, are the things I heard about Gauron and you
true?”
For a while Kashim had hoped he wouldn't have to go through this again with the
new guys. He had hoped that maybe all that would be over now and he could be
just a soldier like everyone else. Gauron would get bored with him and go on
with his life and Kashim could do the same.
“Depends on what you've heard, I guess”, Kashim said tiredly. Maybe Weber
didn't have the balls to start repeating all the things he had heard about
Gauron fucking him in the public.
“You know, that you're his son.”
A piece of wood cracked in the fire and sent sparkles to the air. Kashim stared
at the flames and tried to assess if he had heard the man right. Son? What.
The. Fuck?
“Where did you hear that?” From the millions of questions it was the first to
come out.
“Just something I picked up along the way. Is it true?”
Kashim was about to say no, because that was the truth, but he was hit with
some doubt. He didn't actually know who his parents were. Had been. He had been
told they were dead. Died in a plane crash or something and that's how he had
ended up in Afghanistan in the first place. Scavenging the streets of Kabul,
until Gauron had caught him stealing their food and brought him in.
“No”, Kashim said, but couldn't hide the horrible doubt in his mind. “My
parents are dead.”
“Oh. Sorry”, Weber said with a frown. “Well, you know rumours. I just thought,
you know, you being taken into the group as a kid and trained to be the other
pilot and Gauron pretty much never leaving your side...” Weber shrugged and
turned his eyes back to the food. “It all seemed to fit to me.” Weber stirred
the food and moved it further away from the flames. “Do you remember your
parents?”
“No”, Kashim answered. He didn't remember a lot before Gauron. Just that he had
been hungry all the time and the bombings had scared him.
When the tents were up and the guard duties settled, the men gathered for
supper. There was clearly two groups forming; the new guys and the old ones.
Kashim stayed with the new ones, Gauron was mostly with the old.
As the night went on the talking got dirtier and the stories longer. Kashim
stood up at one point, just wanting to be alone for a second. He walked past
the trucks to the edge of the dirt road and then just stared into the
wasteland. Gauron had came back. Everything was back to normal. More or less.
The thought was dulling.
As the sun went down the desert got cold quickly. Not feeling like joining the
others at the camp, Kashim climbed into the cockpit of one of the trucks. It
was slightly warmer there and he could be alone. Maybe Gauron would even forget
his order about the sleeping arrangements and just left him be. Kashim lifted
his legs to the edge of the bench and tucked his hands in his armpits to keep
them warmer. He sat there for hours, just staring at the night outside the
wind-shield. Occasionally a burst of laughter or a bang of a truck door pulled
him from his thoughts, but other than that he was not disturbed. Not until
several hours later, when he had already drifted to sleep.
The truck door opened and startled Kashim awake. Gauron climbed in and sat
behind the wheel, turning towards Kashim.
“Why are you sleeping here? The others giving you a hard time again?”
“No...” Kashim mumbled and felt a shiver pass through him. The truck had gotten
cold during the night and the tips of Kashim's fingers were getting numb. He
rubbed his sleepy eyes. “Just felt like being alone.”
Gauron reached his hand behind the benches and pulled out a blanket. He tossed
it to Kashim and watched him wrap it around himself. “You had something to
eat?”
“Yeah.”
There was a long silence. Kashim stared out of the windscreen and Gauron stared
at him. “Come here for a second”, Gauron said and lifted his arm a little to
invite Kashim closer. They shared a look and Gauron rolled his eyes. “For
fuck's sake, I missed you, just come here for a second. I've barely been able
to talk to you since I came back.”
For some reason Weber's words kept haunting Kashim. He stared at Gauron with a
whole new way, searching for any similarities in the two of them. He could find
none. Gauron was large in every way, Kashim was not. Kashim had only looked at
himself from a mirror few times in his life, but he knew Gauron had a
completely different nose than him. Their eyes were different too, even the
shade of their skin.
“What?” Gauron snapped, getting tired of being stared at.
“Weber told me there's a rumour going on that you're my father”, Kashim said
bluntly.
Gauron only frowned. “Who the fuck's Weber?”
“The blond sharpshooter. German.”
“Oh. Right. The kraut.” Gauron fell silent.
Kashim waited, but Gauron didn't say anything more. “Well?”
“What?” Gauron asked and smiled then. “Am I?” He lifted his arm to rest on top
of the steering-wheel. “What difference does it make to you? You don't know
fuck about parents or family. They are just words for you.”
Kashim clenched his teeth. Why couldn't he just give him a straight answer. It
would have been a lot easier. Gauron's hand reached to ruffle Kashim's hair,
but the boy pulled his head back avoiding the touch.
“Parents provide their children food and safety. Family keeps together and
defends one another. Now tell me, what are the differences between a team and a
family?”
Kashim was silent. He didn't know anything about families, so he didn't know if
there were any differences. He had seen a lot of kids and some the men he had
met during his life had kids, but... It didn't really mean anything. They were
just the same as everyone else. Although the kids with parents usually had a
place to sleep and food tot eat. Unlike Kashim during his early years.
“Does it bother you if people think we're related? It will keep you safer from
now on.”
“I don't want to be like you”, Kashim said truthfully and turned his eyes to
meet Gauron's. That was one of the few things he knew about parents and kids.
They usually resembled one another.
The man just scoffed. “Now you're just trying to hurt my feelings. What else
could you possibly want.”
“So it's just a rumour then?” Kashim decided to make sure. He was pretty sure
he hadn't gotten a real answers yet.
“Just tell them to come and ask me, if anyone's interested. That you don't give
a fuck either way. That's the truth in the end.”
Kashim turned his head back to face the windscreen.
“You don't need complicated shit like that to stress about, believe me. You're
a simple person and that's absolutely nothing to be ashamed about.” Gauron
moved closer and lifted his hand to place it to the back of Kashim's neck. The
thumb caressed the tender skin. “It makes you my best soldier, Kashim, no
matter what those jealous assholes say. And related or not I have never cared
for anyone like I care for you. And that will never change, you can count on
it. No matter what happens, the two of us will always remain together.”
Kashim knew Gauron was – for some reason – trying to make him feel better, but
the words he spoke just sounded like a threat.
“What happened with Kaminski?” Gauron asked suddenly.
“They haven't told you?” Kashim doubted that. He was sure Kaminski and the
others had told Gauron some bullshit the second he returned.
“They told me their side of it, Vostrikov did too. I haven't heard yours yet,
so let's have it. It's probably closest to the truth anyway.” Gauron pulled his
hand away and went back on resting his arm on the steering wheel, his torso
turned towards Kashim.
Kashim shrugged, like the whole ordeal wasn't anything to talk about. “They
came asking Vostrikov one night, drunk, and started to talk about beating me. I
had my gun then, so I got them to leave by threatening to shoot Kaminski's
balls off.” It got a laughter out of Gauron, of course. “But after that
Vostrikov took my gun away and they came back. They gassed the house and beat
me. They were talking about killing me and tried to...” Kashim stopped talking,
when he remembered the tracking chip. Alex had taken it out and it was still in
Kashim's pocket.
“They tried to what?” Gauron's face was an unreadable and unnerving mask.
Did Gauron know the chip was gone? He knew about Alex taking care of Kashim.
And that Alex had planned their escape. Now, if--
“Kashim!” Gauron barked and interrupted Kashim's thoughts. “Keep talking.”
They both knew Kashim wasn't a quick thinker. He needed enough time to reach
conclusions and make decisions about lying and how he should lie and about what
exact things. The only thing Gauron had to do to keep Kashim from lying, was to
keep him talking.
“Quick, quick!” Gauron snapped and clapped his hands loudly.
“They tried to carve the chip from my back,” Kashim said even though he knew it
was the wrong thing to do. He just didn't have enough time to come up with
anything else. He knew it was the best if Gauron didn't know about the chip
being gone. It would give Kashim advantage, when he did decide to escape.
“Did they get it?”
“No.”
“And Geary stitched you back up.”
Kashim was about to say that Alex hadn't taken the chip out either. He already
had his mouth open and now his brains were trying to catch up with him. “Yes”,
he managed finally.
Gauron was silent for awhile. “Let's see it then.” When Kashim remained still,
with a questioning look on his face, Gauron rolled his eyes. “Your back. Let's
see how much they fucked you up.”
Kashim turned sideways on the bench and took off his jacket and then the wife-
beater. Gauron reached towards the ceiling and flipped on the light before
moving closer. “Motherfuckers...” the man mumbled and placed his hand between
Kashim's shoulder blades. The scars were still fresh and the edges of the
wounds had barely healed close. But it wasn't like Gauron had never inflicted
any scars himself. Hell, Kashim had probably tens of them. “I'm going to rip
their heads off and piss into their windpipes.” The heavy hand caressed over
the scars. “Does it hurt still?”
Kashim shook his head. He couldn't deny it didn't feel good to have someone
acknowledge the wrongness he had endured. It felt good to have someone say he
had the right to feel betrayed.
“We're going to make them pay, make no mistake about it. You will get to kill
them.”
Kashim was about to say he didn't want that. He wanted to say he was above
things like that. That he wasn't bitter or angry. He found himself staring into
the wasteland and then turning towards Gauron. They stared at each other for a
short while. “I just want to kill Kaminski”, Kashim said quietly, admitting to
himself he wanted revenge. “Now.”
Gauron smiled lazily. “I need everyone right now.”
Kashim gritted his teeth. He remembered the feeling of being suffocated by the
gas, even after sticking his head into the water basin and almost forcing him
to drown himself. The feeling of the knife on his back, cutting his flesh. “I
want to shoot him now”, Kashim stated in determined and cold voice.
Gauron placed his palm against Kashim's cheek and leaned in to kiss him. Kashim
let him, even opened his mouth slightly to let Gauron's tongue into his mouth.
The kiss deepened and Gauron's hand sneaked around Kashim's head to rest on the
back of his neck. Their tongues pushed against each other, Kashim could taste
the familiar mixture of tobacco and vodka. After awhile Gauron pulled an inch
back, keeping his face in front of Kashim's. “I fucking love it when you lose
your shit and start your killing rampages, but I need two sharpshooters right
now.”
Kashim stared at the man coldly and noted Gauron's pistol on his belt.
Hesitating only momentarily Kashim leaned back in to kiss Gauron. He reached
towards Gauron's pistol and bit the man's lower lip at the same time his
fingers touched the gun. Gauron only chuckled and sighed as Kashim deepened the
kiss. The gun was already halfway out of the holster.
“Turn off the light”, Kashim pleaded in a whisper.
Gauron turned his eyes and reached towards the light switch. In a second Kashim
had yanked the gun to himself and opened his side of the door. Gauron's hand
tried to grasp him, but the man was too slow, Kashim was out of the truck and
running towards the camp. Only thing he could think of was Kaminski laughing at
him, kicking him, mocking him, making him feel like an idiot.
“Kashim! KASHIM!”
Kashim ignored Gauron's shouts and kept running. There was a shuffle around the
camp fire as the men tried to make out what was happening in the dark. Kashim
ran straight towards Kaminski, jumping over few crates on the ground.
He saw the man getting pale as he saw the gun in Kashim's hand. Kaminski had
the time to stand up and then Kashim was there, pointing the pistol at his
skull.
“The fuck are you doing?” the man shouted, holding up his hands. His voice was
shaking badly.
“Kashim! Don't do it!” Gauron bellowed behind him, but not bothering to run.
“Gauron! Jesus!” There was panic in Kaminski's voice as he turned his watering
eyes towards Gauron. Kashim stared at the man, swearing to himself that no one,
fucking no one, would ever attack him like that again.
“Kashim!” Gauron shouted again. “Don't--!”
Kashim pulled the trigger. The bullet hit Kaminski's forehead and the sand
behind him was plastered with blood and brain pieces. The man toppled down as
the echo of the shot bounced around the rocky terrain around them. There was no
other sound. The others were sitting as still as possible. Kashim lowered his
gun and felt a rush of relief.
Gauron stepped to him and backhanded Kashim across his face. Kashim didn't even
flinch even though the blood started to flow from his nose and dripped to his
bare chest. “Fucking lunatic”, Gauron huffed and picked up his gun, shoving it
back to the holster. He grabbed Kashim by his shoulder and pushed him to walk
towards his tent. “Get rid of the body!” he shouted at the remaining men.
It was chilly and dark in Gauron's tent since he had banned the use of stoves
for their weight. When the winter came they would be stuck in towns and
villages for months. Kashim wrapped his arms around himself and sat down on top
of the sleeping mats and bags.
“You fucking asshole!” Gauron shouted and kicked one of the backpacks over as
he entered. “Where the fuck am I supposed to get another sharpshooter now,
huh?!” he shouted, bending closer to Kashim's face. “Answer me?!”
Kashim opened his mouth, knowing fully well there were no correct answers at
the moment. “We can recruit another one”, Kashim said quietly. It didn't matter
to him. The only thing that mattered was that Kaminski was dead and now none of
the others would ever have the guts to mock him.
“The fuck we can!” Gauron shouted. “I told you, you could kill him later! When
the fucking job was done!”
“He was a shitty sharpshooter anyway, what do you--”
Gauron attacked him with amazing speed, straddling over him and his hands
seizing Kashim by the throat. He leaned closer and had a crazed look on his
face. “I fucking told you 'no'”, he said calmly, his voice dripping with venom.
“I should just snap your little disobeying neck right now and be done with
you.”
Kashim waited calmly if the man would carry out his threat, but nothing
happened.
Slowly Gauron unclasped his hands and sighed, straightening himself up but not
getting off Kashim. “I have neglected you for too long, I know. It's my fault.”
Gauron placed his hand against Kashim's cheek and lifted the corner of his
mouth unhappily. “I should've been here, like I should've been with you in
Singapore. Shit, Kashim, I'm sorry. You've had to go through so much shit
because of me.”
Kashim lifted an eyebrow. Gauron was so unbelievably unpredictable it could've
easily been terrifying. It probably was to the most of the team. Kashim had
already learned Gauron's boundaries, at least when it came to Kashim. Gauron
could hit him, he could make him suffer, but he wouldn't kill him. Gauron could
say he was sorry and that everything would be okay and not meaning a word he
said. He could be yelling at one moment and...
Gauron leaned down and started to lick the blood off from Kashim's chest. The
hot tongue started between Kashim's pecs, working it's way up towards the
collarbones. Kashim stared at the dark canopy ceiling of the tent and remained
perfectly still. He couldn't help but jump a little as Gauron's tongue found
it's way to one of his nipples. The man chuckled against his skin, smoothing
the side of Kashim's torso with his hand. “Don't worry. I'm here now and we'll
go through once again why you are going to do everything exactly like I tell
you to.”
Gauron moved up to face Kashim and started to lick the blood from the boy's
nose.
“Stop it”, Kashim mumbled and turned his head away. He lifted his hand to wipe
the remaining blood away, but Gauron grasped his wrist and hit it against the
ground.
“Are you giving me orders, you little pissant? You? A fucking homicidal
wackjob?”
“I'm sorry”, Kashim sighed, his head still turned to aside.
Gauron took a hold of his face and turned Kashim to face him. “Do it properly,
like you mean it.”
Kashim stared at the man. He had never gotten the difference, but it had
something to do with tones of voice and eye contact. “I'm sorry”, he said
again, sounding exactly the same to himself.
Gauron seemed pleased. “Good. Now take off your pants.” The man moved away to
give Kashim some space. They both sat up and Gauron started to go through one
of the backpacks. He pulled out a bottle of vodka and turned his eyes to
Kashim. “Well go on.”
Kashim hesitated. “I'm not going to have sex with you”, he reminded. “I told
you, I don't do it anymore.”
“I asked you to take off your fucking pants. Are you going to do it or are we
going to have a fight about it? Those are your choices”, Gauron informed calmly
and opened his bottle. “Choose.”
For a moment Kashim wondered if Gauron would beat him up just after he had
apologised about the others doing that. There was no doubt about it. Gauron and
logic didn't fit in to the same frame if there was already sex there.
“We're going to start from the basics, since you seem to have forgotten them. I
tell you what to do and you do it, without any bullshit. You don't start to
negotiate, you don't start killing people, you don't run away and you don't
talk back.” Gauron sipped the vodka straight from the bottle. “Take off your
pants or I'll drag you out and whip you in front of everyone.”
Kashim eyes grew wider and he tensed up. Gauron had whipped him only once and
only with three strikes, but at the time it had been more than enough to quell
his rebellious thoughts for almost three years. He stood up.
Gauron smiled and took a more relaxed posture, leaning his back against the
backpacks. “Come closer.” He patted the ground just next to him. “I want you
right in front of me.”
Kashim stepped forward and Gauron yanked him closer by his belt. Kashim ended
up standing in front of Gauron, his feet on both sides of the man and his
crotch just inches away from Gauron's face.
“That's better”, Gauron mused and inhaled deeply. He lifted his hand to cup
Kashim's clothed genitals and massaged them lightly. “You're doing very good.
Now, open your pants.” Kashim dropped his hands to his belt, but Gauron placed
his own hands on top of his. “Very slowly. Like you were... disarming a mine.”
The metaphor made Kashim stop. It was one of the few cases when he understood
exactly what Gauron wanted. He still didn't understand exactly why Gauron would
want him to act like that, but at least he knew what to do. He placed his hands
on his belt buckle and started to loosen the end of the belt. With a gentle
flick of his finger he undid the prong and worked the belt through the frame.
Gauron's hand had moved to massage his left thigh.
Kashim let the belt droop open as he moved his fingers to unbutton his pants.
He pulled his zipper down one tooth at a time. His palms were sweating and
Kashim had to remind himself that he wasn't actually undoing a mine here. His
pants were open and hanging loosely around his hips. Gauron moved his hand
inside his pants to feel his genitals again and at that moment Kashim
remembered that he wasn't wearing his briefs. They were still cum-stained on
the floor of Alex's bedroom. Gauron didn't seem to mind.
“You have no idea how fucking sexy you are”, Gauron whispered. Kashim could
only agree since he had no idea of anything concerning Gauron and sex and that
was just fine by him. “Turn around.”
Kashim obeyed without saying a word and felt Gauron's hands on his buttocks.
The man reached his fingertips inside Kashim's trousers and pulled them down.
It was dim in the tent, but it didn't seem to bother Gauron. He pressed his
hand against Kashim's skin, going through every inch of his ass with his hands,
grabbing and feeling it. His thumb pressed against Kashim's tail bone and went
downwards from there, ending up on his hole.
Kashim kept staring at the door of the tent, fearing that some idiotic rookie
would walk in any moment. He didn't know what he had been expecting Gauron to
do, but when he felt the soft kiss against his ass cheek, Kashim knew he hadn't
expected that. Gauron's rough stubble was scratching against his skin and the
thumb kept massaging the muscles on his opening.
“On your hands and knees”, Gauron muttered, his mouth hovering hotly over the
wet skin. Kashim lowered himself down and bit his teeth together. He reminded
himself that this would be far less painful and humiliating than being whipped
and fucked in front of the others.
But Gauron didn't start to fuck him. There was an unnerving silence and then
Gauron shifted behind Kashim. A quick and painful slap caused Kashim to startle
and shout out. Gauron's hand grabbed his hair and yanked Kashim's head up.
“You've been a bad boy, Kashim. A very bad boy. You don't kill people without
permission. You do not decide who lives or dies, that's my job.” He yanked
Kashim's hair and slapped his ass again. The hit was far from gentle and Kashim
knew he would have a hard time sitting, if the man would go on. “Is this
clear?”
“Y-yes, sir”, Kashim breathed out, trying his best to block what he could from
the pain.
“Say it!” Gauron barked and hit him again.
“I don't.. decide.. who dies!” Kashim managed between the next several slaps.
Gauron's wrist was loose and the hit came with the full power of his palm,
covering the whole cheek. Kashim kept pressing his eyes and mouth close so he
wouldn't cry out, but jesus did it hurt.
“Apologise to me.” Another hit that caused Kashim to bite the inside of his
cheek.
“I'm sorry”, he begged, tasting the blood in his mouth. “Please stop.”
“Does it hurt?” Gauron's voice was softer now, the man leaning over Kashim's
body.
“Yes.” Kashim took no shame about admitting it. Gauron knew how to hit hard and
painfully.
“You have to promise me you will behave from now on”, Gauron said smiling,
smoothing the raw skin of Kashim's ass with his hand. “Daddy's home and in this
family we have rules to follow.”
***** Training *****
Chapter Notes
     It's been awhile, so.. here's smut! Lots of it!
Kashim's skin was burning and aching from the spots that had met Gauron's hand.
He was still on his hands and knees in Gauron's tent, knowing all too well not
to move without a permission. It was humiliating to say at least to understand
how easy it was to fall back into the same state he had been before Gauron
left. It felt like all the rebelling and convincing himself being out of
Gauron's reach had been just a dream. As soon as Gauron wanted, Kashim was
kneeling in front of him, reciting their unspoken rules in his head. You didn't
move without a permission, you didn't speak a word if not asked anything.
“Discipline.” Gauron spoke the word like it alone gave him a hard-on. His hand
kept smoothing Kashim's skin as he spoke slowly and quietly. “All the men need
it every once in awhile. It's how teams work. There's the leader and there are
the soldiers. And it's the soldiers duty to point out when there has been a
lack of discipline and it's the duty of the leader to administer it
accordingly.” A soft kiss was placed on Kashim's buttock. “Some men only need
words to act, the weak ones, but people like you and me Kashim, we need pain.
It's how our brains are wired. They react best to pain, it makes us sharp. It
makes us one hell of a soldiers too. When other people get wounded, they are
useless immediately. People like us only begin to shine then.”
The calloused hand ran over the burning skin once more. “But people like us, we
need to know, with 100 percent certainty, that our leaders are capable.
Otherwise there's no trust, no loyalty. You need to challenge me every now and
then and I need to be challenged, that is true.” The hand moved up slowly,
along Kashim's spine, the fingertips ghosting over old scars. The vodka sloshed
inside the bottle as Gauron sipped more of the liquid. “That is why I don't
want you to think of tonight as a punishment. Tonight is more like... training.
I have let you forget how to follow orders and tonight we will fix that.”
Gauron's hands moved to Kashim's sides as the man leaned over his back and
pressed his chest against Kashim. His clothed erection brushed against Kashim's
thigh. “Now, I'm feeling fair tonight, or maybe a little sentimental because of
our reunion, so I'm not going to make this public. But that crazy-ass, berserk
head-shooting will be addressed tomorrow morning and you will assure everyone
that you are not a threat to them and that they can still trust you. Do you
understand?” The man asked, his chin leaning against Kashim's upper back.
“Yes, sir.”
“Explain to me, why it is important.”
Kashim had to gather his thoughts. He had been toning out for awhile, not
really caring about Gauron's lectures he understood nothing about. “Otherwise
the teamwork will suffer. They can't be thinking about me when we're on a job.”
“Very good”, Gauron mumbled and placed another kiss on Kashim's back. “Let's
continue then.” Gauron stood up and started doing something behind Kashim. From
the sounds Kashim deducted he was setting up a folding chair. It was a relief
in itself, since it probably didn't mean fucking. At least not yet. “Turn
around and crawl over here.”
Kashim turned and saw Gauron sitting relaxed on the metal chair. The bottle of
vodka was still in his hands and he had taken off his jacket, wearing now a
black sleeveless shirt, his uniform pants and combat boots. Kashim placed his
hand on the floor in front of him and moved himself forward on all fours.
Gauron gulped down more of the booze and chuckled. “I wonder if you missed this
as much as I did”, he mused and leaned back against the chair as Kashim sat on
his knees to the ground. Gauron lifted his right boot to rest on Kashim's left
shoulder. The stench of the boot was horrible and the weight of it caused
Kashim to slump slightly.
“Lick it.”
Kashim glanced at Gauron with a slight shock. He didn't need to look at the
boot to know how unbelievably dirty it was. Covered in mud and sand, animal and
human shit, blood, bits of road kill... Kashim couldn't keep his mouth from
distorting from the thought. The boot nudged against his cheek, dry bits of mud
dropping to his shoulder and causing Kashim to shut his eyes and shudder. “I...
can't”, Kashim said quietly. “It's... I will get sick from it.”
“Bullshit, you're tougher than that”, Gauron snorted and moved his foot to
press the sole of his boot against Kashim's face. He put pressure on his foot
and massaged the grimy rubber against Kashim. “Push out your tongue and lick
the fucking boot”, Gauron growled.
Kashim turned his head towards the boot and swallowed hard. He should just do
it and get it over with, without thinking about it. He inhaled deeply, the
smell of the boot and Gauron's feet only getting stronger. He opened his mouth
to push out his tongue, but started retching at the thought.
“For fuck's sake! Pull yourself together!” Gauron barked and kicked Kashim to
his shoulder, sending him on his back. Kashim was gasping for air as Gauron
stepped into his vision and placed the boot on top of his face, half an inch
away. The dried mud and sand fell to his face. Kashim tried his best to turn
his head away. The boot left, only to be stomped hard on Kashim's stomach. He
hacked and coughed, covering the spot with his hands. “Ready yet?” The boot
returned.
With shaking movements Kashim pushed out his tongue and pressed it against the
sole. He felt the sand in his mouth and forced himself to think that was the
worst of it. He pushed out the memory of Gauron kicking the truck tires with
the boot, rolling over the corpses of people. He tried his best not to think of
the way piss sprinkled to his own boots when he took a leak on a rocky ground.
“Again.”
Kashim complied, placing his tongue against the boot and letting it drag along
the sole. Gauron moved the boot slightly to one side for a better view.
“Again.”
The taste wasn't so horrible, Kashim had gotten his share of the dirt in
fistfights, riding in the trucks and sleeping on the ground. And yes he had
eaten insects to survive and drunk stale water. But something in Gauron's boots
was just far worse than any of those. When Gauron finally lifted his foot off,
there were tears in the corner of Kashim's eyes and his breath was hitched.
“That's a good boy”, Gauron said and squatted down in front of Kashim. “Don't
you feel better already, knowing where your place is?”
Kashim was too busy catching his breath to answer. His hands were shaking as he
sat up and tried to wipe away at least some of the dirt from his mouth.
“Do you need a minute?” Gauron's stare was intense as he studied Kashim with
his eyes. When there still was no answer, he lifted his eyebrows to repeat the
question.
“I'm fine”, Kashim muttered. What he would have liked was to get out of the
tent, but since that wasn't happening any time soon, it was best just to get
this over with as quickly as possible.
“That's my boy”, Gauron said with a smile and leaned closer to place open-
mouthed and possessive kiss on Kashim's lips.
Kashim tilted his head back as Gauron kept pressing forward, crawling more on
top of him. Gauron's tongue felt like it was searching for all the dirt and
crap Kashim had licked from the boot. A firm hand took hold of Kashim's back as
Gauron toppled him with his larger body. Gauron's other hand massaged Kashim
right thigh for a moment before Gauron ended the kiss and sat up. His eyes
examined Kashim's body, his hand trailing after his gaze on the chest, stomach
and finally Kashim's inner thighs.
Gauron took a hold of Kashim's hips and tugged his ass into his lap. The rock
hard erection in Gauron's pants pressed against Kashim's tail bone as Gauron
once more locked eyes with Kashim. “Do you remember the last time we fucked?”
Gauron asked as he slowly took a hold of Kashim's cock and started to move his
hand along the shaft.
“Yes”, Kashim answered with a bit of hesitation. He kept glancing at Gauron's
hand, being fully aware of the growing feeling of... nervousness?
“Tell me how it felt. To cum for the first time.”
Kashim tried to grasp the memory of the feeling. Lying on the bed in Singapore
after Gauron was already finished. The feeling of his heart racing and the air
escaping his lungs. “It felt like I would die.”
Gauron's hand stopped. Kashim glanced at the man, who was now gawking at him.
“But in a good way?” he suggested.
“It only felt good for a second or two”, Kashim said quietly. He clenched his
jaw before continuing. “I didn't like it.”
The hand around Kashim's cock left and slapped his face hard. Gauron's
expression was practically screaming how wrong the answer had been. “You're
such a miserable fuck, you know that?” he grunted. “Is there anything in the
whole fucking world that you actually did like?”
Kashim knew his answer would bring him another hit or even something worse.
Still, he felt like he had to say it out loud. “I liked Alex.”
It was like lying in the eye of a storm. They stared at each other and Kashim
was bracing himself for the attack. But like so many times before, when you
actually expected Gauron to go berserk, he didn't. The silence dragged on until
Kashim could hear the blood flow in his ears. “Why?” When Gauron spoke, his
voice was raspy and quiet. He had a distant look in his eyes.
Alex had never hurt him. It was one of the main reasons. Being around Alex had
been easy. You never had to be afraid of him or his reactions. With Alex even
breathing had felt easier, like the whole world had felt lighter and brighter.
“I don't know.” It was easier to say than trying to explain things like that to
Gauron.
Gauron inhaled deeply and let his hands drag along Kashim's stomach. He kept
staring at his hands and Kashim couldn't help but wonder, if it was some kind
of mental hurt he saw on Gauron's face. His voice was soft and quiet when he
spoke. “You speak out his name ever again and I will take my knife and ram it
in right here.” His hand stopped just above Kashim's naval. “And I will shove
my hand in through that wound and you can feel me ripping out your windpipe
from the inside.” He let out a sigh and lifted his eyes to Kashim. There was a
faint smile on his lips. “Am I being perfectly clear about this?”
“Yes, sir.”
Gauron pushed him forcefully from his lap. “What a fucking mood killer”, he
mumbled and got on his feet. Kashim took his chance to sit up and back away.
Gauron walked back to his bottle and took a swig of vodka. “I see you're in
much worse state than I feared.” He let out a desperate laughter. “Talking
about other men... Jesus! You don't do shit like that, Kashim. That's fucking
offensive towards me, okay?”
“Yes, sir”, Kashim answered quietly. The only thing Kashim was hoping was that
he hadn't crossed the line into public flogging.
“Unless you were trying to offend me on purpose?”
Kashim shook his head immediately. “No, sir.”
Gauron kept staring at him. “No. You were just being the honest prick that you
are.” He stepped forward and offered the bottle to Kashim. “Drink up.”
They both knew that Kashim didn't drink. But at the moment Kashim wasn't going
to do anything that could even possibly offend Gauron more. He took the bottle
and drank. The smell and taste were the same; awful and stinging. The liquid
burned in his mouth and throat and left a terrible taste on his tongue. Kashim
offered the bottle back, but Gauron just nudged his head backwards. Kashim took
two generous swigs more and was grateful when Gauron accepted to take the
bottle back.
“You're starting to be a man in every way. Might as well catch up with the
remaining details”, Gauron mumbled and sat back on his chair. “Now, there's a
backpack somewhere there, a black one, smaller than the rest. Bring it to me.”
Kashim went through the bags and crates with his eyes until he found the one
Gauron was talking about. He lifted it up and noticed it was light too, five
pounds or so, almost empty. He handed it to Gauron, who placed it on to his lap
for opening.
“You will take care of these from now on. Keep them with your own gear, don't
leave them anywhere, keep them clean and away from sand.”
At first Kashim thought they were talking about weapons or something, but as
Gauron tossed few of the objects to him, it became clear how wrong he had been.
He recognized the tube, even if it had different markings on it than the one
before. The rest of the stuff he had never seen before, but their purpose was
pretty clear anyway. Kashim could have maybe passed the slim, black rod and the
small beads attached together with a string and tell himself he didn't know
what they were for, but the third object which seriously looked like a chopped
off cock with the right colour and the veins and everything just didn't left
anything for the imagination. Kashim resisted the urge to ask where the hell
Gauron had found something like that.
“They're not going to bite you.”
Kashim glanced at Gauron, who was staring at him with a smile. It might have
been an invitation for Kashim to touch the stuff, so he picked up the least
scary one, the string with different sized balls on it and turned it in his
hands. It didn't make him smile one bit.
“Let's start with the black one. Lube it up and lie down your back.”
With slowness as his only protest Kashim reached to take the lube and the black
rod, about the size of his thumb in diameter.
“Why are we starting with that one?”
Kashim jerked his head up, surprised of a question. He glanced at the other
objects and then the rod. “It's the smallest?”
“Thinnest”, Gauron corrected. “Always start with the thinnest and work your way
up.” He waited for Kashim to open the tube and coat the rod with the cold
liquid. “Do you want to do this yourself or would you like me to help?”
Kashim grit his teeth. “I just don't like it when you stare.”
Gauron smiled and continued to drink. “I know you inside and out, there's
nothing for you to get embarrassed about at this point. Lie on your back, your
feet towards me and lift your legs up.”
Kashim obeyed, pressing his back against the blanket laid on the ground. At
least this way he didn't have to see Gauron. He lifted his feet off the ground
and got an accepting murmur from Gauron.
“Take a good hold of it and push it in, slowly.”
Kashim aligned his wrist and felt his entrance with the tip of the rod. The
lube made it alarmingly easy to push the tip in. It didn't feel much different
from a finger, except that it went further easier.
“Moan.”
Kashim processed the thought for a second. He would sound ridiculous, there was
no doubt about it. But it was probably either that or getting the shit kicked
out of him again, so Kashim opened his mouth and tried his best to remember the
sound he had heard from the paid woman Vostrikov had fucked in Kabul last year.
The sound left his throat dry and shy, barely audible, like a quiet sigh. He
waited Gauron to comment his effort, but in stead of saying anything it sounded
like the man was opening his pants.
“Good”, he finally said, voice slightly hitched. “Now, tilt your head back and
do it again.”
Kashim arched his neck and let out another sigh, this time it came out louder
and more confident. Immediately Gauron let out a satisfied grunt. Kashim
started to pull the rod slowly out, since he didn't feel like pushing it any
deeper in. This too seemed to please Gauron.
“Curl your toes.”
If it hadn't been Gauron telling him what to do, Kashim might have found it
funny how detailed his orders were. And weird at that. But as it was Gauron,
Kashim just kept his mouth shut and curled his fucking toes.
“Move it faster. Arch your back some more.”
For some reason the situation reminded Kashim of the first time Gauron had
taught him to shoot with a rifle. It was one of the first memories he had from
the time he had joined Gauron's team.
Gauron had pulled him from the others, to a bank of a river and handed him his
AK. He had placed the rifle in Kashim's hands, adjusted every joint in his body
to it's correct position, taught him how to aim, when to pull the trigger. His
arms had been around Kashim, the stubble scratching his temple as he leaned as
close to Kashim as he could. If he hadn't, the recoil of the first shot would
have most likely kicked Kashim to his back. The sound of the shot had rung in
Kashim's ear, but he could still remember how the feeling of power had made his
blood rush. Gauron had laughed, ruffled his hair and told him that he would be
a great soldier soon.
This wasn't so much different from that. Gauron told him how he wanted things
to be done and Kashim complied. He let out another moan as the rod sank once
more inside him and arched his back.
“Jesus, you're beautiful”, Gauron said with a moan of his own. “I could watch
you forever if only you weren't making me so fucking hard. Switch to the
thicker one.”
Kashim let the black rod slip out of him and gave his muscles a second to
adjust before sitting up. The cock-shaped rubber... thing was a feet away and
Kashim reached it with the lube. With a quick look he noted Gauron sitting on
his chair, jerking slowly off. He hadn't taken his pants off, just opened them
enough to get his cock out and in his hand. Kashim took a quick look at
Gauron's shaft and then the rubber one. There was no doubt about it, Gauron was
bigger.
“Go as slow as you want, we have time”, Gauron said and leaned back.
With a tight knot in his guts Kashim coated the plastic cock with lube and laid
back down.
“Spread your legs more, I don't want to miss any of this”, Gauron said with a
lazy drawl. “Slide it against you few times.”
Kashim let the cold rubber touch his hole. The object felt too big even then
and Kashim's jaws locked tightly together. The lube had made his skin slippery
from his thighs to his lower back, but he wasn't even considering using any
less of it. The more the better.
“Now slowly put more pressure on it and push the tip in, nothing else.”
Kashim turned the tip against him and pushed the rubber against his tight
muscles. He could feel his anus stretch from the slow penetration. His muscles
opened up to take in the large tip but at the same time it felt like he should
push it out. His buttocks were twitching against the intrusion.
“Keep it still”, Gauron grunted. He started to sound more tense. “Move it
around without pulling it out or pushing it in and moan with your mouth shut.”
Kashim started to turn the cock slightly inside him and let out a deep sigh.
The blunt tip rubbed against his insides, but there was still no pain. The
stretch felt uncomfortable but bearable. Kashim kept moving the cock when it
suddenly slipped completely out. The cry of surprise was unintentional, but it
caused Gauron to chuckle.
“It's okay, just push it back in.”
With blushed face Kashim pressed the slippery tip back against his now clenched
up hole. The tip slid in quickly, easier this time and it gave Kashim some new
hope of sex becoming painless at some point.
“Fully in now. As slow as you want.” Gauron ordered and stood up. Kashim's
heart began to race immediately and with his nervous shifting the item slipped
out again. This time Kashim took the opportunity to drop his legs down and back
away from Gauron, even if it was just for few inches. Gauron just kept staring
at him and pulled his shirt off. “Continue”, he directed and let the shirt drop
to the ground. Kashim's hand shook as he gripped the rubber and tried to force
himself to lie back down. He didn't have the time before Gauron crouched down
and shoved his back against the blankets. “Either you do this or I will.”
“I will”, Kashim said quickly as the panic started to take over. “I will, I
just...”
“It's okay”, Gauron said in calm voice. He lifted Kashim's legs back up and
spread them, keeping his eyes on Kashim's face. “It hasn't hurt thus far,
right?” Kashim nodded in agreement and inhaled deeply to calm himself down.
Gauron turned his eyes to Kashim's ass as he pressed the rubber back in. A deep
and low rumble sounded from Gauron's throat. “Never seen anything that
beautiful.” He moved his hand and Kashim could feel him trace the rim of his
rectum with his finger. “Look at that grip. You're so fucking tight”, the man
sighed.
Kashim was fighting his every instinct to keep still and breathing. Gauron's
touch on his burning skin wasn't making things any easier. “Deeper now”, the
man ordered and as Kashim started to slowly push the cock in, he felt Gauron
pull his buttocks apart for a better view. The stretched out skin made the
insertion burn and Kashim paused the movement. “That's right, take your time.
Here.” Gauron took the lube from the ground and squeezed out a small portion to
his fingertips. The cold substance was carefully applied to the brim of the
anus.
As he became more sure that Gauron wouldn't do anything beside looking, Kashim
forced himself to relax and push the rubber deeper in.
“Say that it feels good.”
Kashim glanced at Gauron and frowned. He wanted Kashim to lie? Still, it wasn't
like it was the first odd order Kashim had got since they had started. “It
feels good”, he stated.
Gauron's whole body slumped as he turned his blank stare to Kashim. “Not like
that, you git. You have to sound like it does. Like you mean it. It feels good.
Breath out as you say it.”
Kashim kept frowning, since he knew without trying that he would sound like a
complete idiot, if he tried to mimic Gauron. “It... feels good”, Kashim managed
while blushing and turning his eyes away. To his own ears he sounded like he
was being strangled.
Gauron chuckled. “Good. Just a little more deeper now and don't let go of the
other end. It'll get sucked right in otherwise.”
Kashim grimaced as he nudged the cock still deeper. His insides ached, but the
pain wasn't anywhere near as bad as it had been before. Still he hoped that
Gauron wouldn't tell him to start moving the thing. He seriously needed a
moment to catch his breath.
“Switch hands and jerk yourself.”
Kashim reached to take a hold of the rubber cock with his left hand and moved
his right hand to his stomach. It didn't take more than a stroke to bring back
the memories of Singapore and the dream Kashim had had of Alex. Twice he had
cummed, neither of the actually willingly but still. And just like he had
feared, this time he noticed the slightly different feeling he got from
touching his own cock. There was clear excitement in the depths of nervousness.
He could feel it in his abs, the way they contracted in a new way. He could
feel it in his balls which had been to this point an inanimate part of his
body. And he most definitely could feel it in his cock. It moved in his hand,
like some alien part of him with a mind of it's own. It was getting hard
despite of Gauron's presence.
“There you go”, Gauron spoke softly as the hard-on was getting more and more
visible. “Knew you could do it.” He moved his hand towards Kashim's ass. “Let
me keep this still for you.” Kashim's hand was pushed away from the artificial
cock as Gauron took hold of it. “Go faster.”
As Kashim picked up the pace he could feel Gauron move the cock inside him. He
pulled it out an inch in a slow movement, just enough to feel it and pushed it
back in. Kashim turned his eyes to the ceiling and tried to pretend like Gauron
wasn't even there. He wanted to think he was still in Alex's bedroom. He closed
his eyes to get a better picture of his memories.
Immediately the movement of his hand felt better and he could feel his cock
getting harder. It was already as hard as Gauron usually was and the
lubrication from before was making his hand glide on his shaft smoothly and
effortlessly. His toes curled without even thinking about it.
His hand quickened the pace on it's own. The movement was getting frantic,
based on instincts rather than on coherent thinking. Kashim's eyes shot open as
his whole lower body started to tense up, like it was gathering strength for
something. He could feel it coming, not like a wave but like a ten ton truck
rumbling over him. There was a second when Kashim caught Gauron's eye, that he
stared at the grinning man with all the certainty of dying from the intensity
of the moment.
He cummed in nothing less than an explosion. At the same time he could feel
Gauron pull the cock all the way out of him, ripping it from the tightly
clenched muscles. Kashim shouted out, his back arching and his hands clawing
the blanket under him. Gauron's mouth covered his lips and frustrated to do at
least something Kashim responded to the kiss, taking Gauron's tongue in his
mouth and massaging their lips together. Kashim's hands acted on their own as
the wound around Gauron's upper body to pull him closer.
Kashim's world was still throbbing and swaying as Gauron pulled away to look at
him. There was a swipe on Kashim's abs before Gauron placed two of his fingers
on Kashim's mouth. He could taste the cum and it took several seconds to
realize it was his own. It was strange how they tasted so same, Gauron and him.
The light and relaxed feeling didn't last very long before Gauron straightened
himself up and wrestled his pants off. Kashim's legs were once again lifted up,
but this time Gauron was pressing them down and apart.
“No... Don't...” Kashim stammered and tried to push Gauron off with his shaky
hand. His efforts were completely ignored as Gauron pulled apart his buttocks
and aligned his cock with Kashim's burning hole. The movement of Gauron's hips
was determined and steady as he started to press himself forward, sinking his
the whole length of his cock inside Kashim.
A raw cry of pain left Kashim's throat. Even with the preparations Gauron was
too big to fit in comfortably and his hard erection was stretching Kashim from
the inside. His muscles hadn't fully recovered from the cumming and after the
few initial resists Kashim just lied there, taking everything in.
Gauron was clearly restraining himself. He switched their positions several
times, lifting Kashim's legs on his shoulders, lowering them back down, moving
him sideways... The sweat was dripping from his skin as he pounded his hips
against Kashim. The pain wasn't as bad as Kashim would have expected. He was
almost sure that if Gauron would have added more lube at this point, it
wouldn't have hurt at all.
That thought left Kashim as he felt Gauron's fingers prying him open. He gasped
for air as his already stretched hole was forced to take in first a finger and
then something else. Kashim lifted his head to see Gauron push the black rubber
rod in next to his cock. The familiar pain stabbed Kashim's insides and he
pressed his head back down, clenching his jaws.
Gauron moved the rod inside him with his thrusts until he was finally ready to
finish. Gauron pulled completely out and threw Kashim around to face the
ground. He lifted Kashim's ass higher and spread him open before ramming
himself back inside. The pace was fast as Gauron pounded all his frustration
into Kashim, gripping his hips until Kashim was sure he would get bruises on
him.
When Gauron finally finished with the hot cum hitting the insides of Kashim,
they were both panting and covered in sweat. Gauron collapsed on top of him
like a dying bull, almost knocking the last wind out of Kashim.
“It's so fucking good to be home”, Gauron mumbled as he turned to his side and
pulled Kashim next to him.
***** Promotion *****
Chapter Summary
     Nosex
The ceiling started to turn lighter as the first rays of sunlight crept above
the horizon. It was still cool outside and Kashim took few more minutes under
the warm blankets and Gauron's heavy arm, before finally getting up. He put on
his pants and boots as Gauron let out an incoherent mumble and turned to his
back.
Few other men were awake around the camp, cooking, chatting, cleaning out their
guns. One of the new guys was praying, pressing his forehead to the ground
further away. That wouldn't last long if Gauron ever saw it. Kashim walked
further away from the camp to take a piss and tried not to think about the last
night. At least Kaminski was dead, that was positive. Plus Gauron hadn't been
nearly as pissed off as he could have been. He hadn't even beaten Kashim that
bad, not even worth a black eye. And the sex... Kashim couldn't say he was very
happy about the fact that he seemed to be losing his senses more often now,
letting Gauron do things to him willingly, but at least it hurt less.
Kashim shook the last drops off, zipped himself up and walked back to the camp.
There was only one fire, this time catering to the new and the old crew alike.
The new guys seemed to be a lot more nervous about Kashim's approach than the
others.
“Good morning.” It was Weber who decided to say something. He wasn't grinning
like the day before and even he had a cautious air around him.
Kashim glanced at him and sat down by the fire. “Morning”, he mumbled. There
wasn't anything particularly good about it.
It was clear Weber wanted to talk some more, but decided otherwise. The deep
silence lasted until Wahidi asked how many of them wanted coffee. Kashim
accepted a mug too even though he hadn't asked for one.
“When do you suppose we're leaving?” one of the new guys, Zardooz, asked. He
was in his late twenties and had been hired mostly for his mechanical skills.
Still, put a gun in his hand and he did his part just like any other. At least,
that's what he had said. Kashim couldn't say anything about the man before he
had seen him in combat.
“Difficult to say now”, Wahidi answered, scratching his overgrown beard. “When
we're few men short.”
Kashim turned his eyes to Wahidi. “What do you mean 'few'?” They were short of
Kaminski, the worst sharpshooter the world had ever known, but that was it.
...Right?
”Gorlovich and Sokoloff are gone. Left during the night”, Wahidi stated calmly,
squinting at Kashim in the bright morning light. “I wonder why.”
Kashim kept staring at Wahidi, who seemed to be pleased about the situation.
“Gauron doesn't know about this.”
”Well then,” Wahidi smiled calmly and sipped his coffee.” I think you'd better
go and tell him.”
Kashim's stomach turned. Deserters weren't something Gauron took lightly. He
would take his rage out on the messenger and after that Kashim would surely
hear about it too. He could only hope that the others would get their share as
well for letting them run.
”It's... You knew about it before me”, Kashim claimed. “It's your job to tell
him.”
”Well I'm not going to. What are you going to do about it? Shoot me too?”
Wahidi arched his eyebrows.
Weber glanced at both of them. “Gauron's going to flip out?”
”Most likely”, Wahidi said with a shrug and took out a cigarette. “I guess it
depends.”
”On what?” Weber asked.
”Whether Kashim tells him before or after a blowjob.”
”Fuck you”, Kashim spat immediately. He knew Gauron hadn't been very quiet last
night and by now the new guys probably knew about everything too. Still, it
would've been nice to live in a delusion in which they didn't.
”Jesus...” Weber hissed and sounded disgusted. He set down his coffee mug and
got up. Kashim thought he was just getting away from them, but the blond
soldier walked straight towards Gauron's tent. Both Wahidi and Kashim stared
after him.
”Now what the fuck is he doing?”
They watched as Weber stopped at the tent doorway. With his back towards the
camp fire Kashim couldn't make out the words, but it seemed Weber was talking.
He was waking up Gauron, who most likely had a hangover, with the news of two
deserters. It was closest to a suicide Kashim had ever witnessed.
”That's the last we're going to see him”, Wahidi stated calmly and placed the
cigarette between his lips.
It took awhile before the tent door was ripped open and half-naked Gauron
stepped out with a furious look on his face. Weber took two steps back.
”What the fuck are you talking about?!” Gauron barked and buttoned his pants.
Weber turned slightly and pointed towards Wahidi and Kashim.
”Motherfucker”, Wahidi muttered when Gauron turned his eyes to them. “Say what
you want, I'm going to put this one on you.”
Gauron said something to Weber and the blond left towards Vostrikov's tent.
Gauron walked towards the camp fire. Both Kashim and Wahidi stayed absolutely
still.
”Who noticed it and when?”
”Me and Kasabian, when we woke up.” Wahidi waved his hand towards one of the
truck where Kasabian was washing his upper body.
”WHEN?!”
”An hour or two ago”, Wahidi's voice got more and more silent.
”Did they steal something with them?”
”Their weapons, some ammo, food and water. They left on foot, due west.”
”If anyone sees them ever again, I want their heads”, Gauron spat and Wahidi
nodded, trying to hide his fear. Gauron turned to Kashim and there was deep
silence. “You have something to say for yourself?”
”I can go and get them for you”, Kashim stated calmly. It was the only
reasonable thing to say. If it was his fault that the men had gone, Kashim
should go and get them back. If they were on foot, he could easily catch them
with an AS.
Gauron snorted, but seemed to calm down. “Pass me some coffee.” Wahidi filled
up a mug and handed it to the man. “Fucking cowards.”
Vostrikov walked to them before the silence got too bad. Weber joined the crowd
too, sitting on the ground on Kashim's right hand side.
“When did they leave?” Vostrikov asked and glanced around the group.
“Impossible to say. Sometime between one and five, I guess”, Wahidi answered.
“Should we go and get them?” This time Vostrikov aimed his question at Gauron.
“Nah”, the man grunted. “We'll stick to the plan.”
The answer didn't please Vostrikov. He shuffled his feet and clearly tried to
find the right words. “We... should reconsider.” Gauron lifted his eyes to the
man. He wasn't in his best mood to start with and questioning his orders wasn't
making things any better. “We're three men short.”
“I can count”, Gauron stated in a low tone. “We'll stick to the plan.”
“We were outnumbered before, this is getting rid--” Vostrikov tried to laugh it
out, but was cut off by Gauron's stare. Vostrikov shuffled his feet again.
“Could we discuss this in private then?”
“Jesus, you're worse whiner than Kashim”, Gauron mumbled, but moved his hand in
a dismissive manner anyway. Kashim and the rest of the people got up to walk
away. Kashim was the only one who got pressed back down. “Not you”, Gauron
grunted. “It's about time you started to pull your weight around here.”
Kashim had no idea what that meant and by the look on Vostrikov's face neither
did him. Neither of them said anything though, only waited until Gauron was
ready to talk.
“Three men gone isn't bad, we've worked with less.”
”Not on a gig like this”, Vostrikov insisted calmly. “We're short as we are and
we'll lose at least three of the new ones as soon as the fighting starts. That
leaves us with ten at most, less if they've got AS' nowadays. It's been too
long since we've been to these parts. Anything could have happened while we
were elsewhere. They might have gotten hundreds of soldiers more, AS', fucking
missiles, anything. You have to call this off, it's a suicide.”
Gauron clicked his tongue and stared into the distance. “We've been taking a
piss on the ruskies a little too long now”, he mumbled. “They want something in
return. And they pay good.”
”They can't pay enough to make me kill myself”, Vostrikov retorted. “If you
decide to go in with these odds, you can count me out.”
Gauron turned his eyes to Vostrikov. There was a genuine surprise in his face.
“What? You're bailing out on me? Of all people?”
Vostrikov sighed. “I'm not bailing out. I'm just saying we can't go marching in
like this.” The man licked his lower lip in a nervous manner and tilted his
head slightly towards Kashim. “We might get hurt. Bad. Any of us.”
Gauron's eyes followed the line of Vostrikov's gaze and stared at Kashim for a
second. “So. What's your opinion on this?”
Kashim jerked slightly as he realized the question was pointed at him.
Vostrikov glanced at Gauron, but then turned his eyes to Kashim. “What?” Kashim
had to ask. He was never, absolutely never consulted when it came to tactics.
“Do you think the risks are too high?” Gauron asked, like he was talking to
someone whose reply actually interested him.
“I...” Kashim hesitated. “I... don't think I know enough about the situation to
make that call, sir”, he said in uncertainty.
Gauron took a twig from the ground and placed his other hand on Kashim's
shoulder as he started to map out their surroundings on the ground. Vostrikov
let out a snort, but remained silent while drinking his coffee.
Gauron explained their situation, went through all the information he had about
their enemy, what their target was and in what time he had planned to do all of
this. As his explanations stopped and the man straightened his back, Kashim was
a bit on the paler side.
“So? What do you think?”
Kashim stared at the lines on the ground. His stomach felt like it was turning
upside down. “Requesting a permission to speak freely, sir”, Kashim stated.
“Granted”, Gauron mused and seemed to be glancing quickly at Vostrikov with a
grin.
“I think...” How the hell should he put this? Kashim lifted his eyes to Gauron
and hesitated even though the man looked calm. “It's insane", Kashim said with
a slight tremble.
Vostrikov let out a joyful bark of a laughter and spread his arms. “Ha! What
did I told you!”
“Fucking brat”, Gauron growled. “What the fuck do you know about tactics...”
“We at least need more information”, Kashim insisted and pointed to a spot on
the ground. “They could hide a city here and we wouldn't be able to tell before
we are standing right next to it. It's easy to get Chinese AS' from the border.
For all we know there could be tens of them.” His speech got faster and his
voice louder as he was getting more and more sure about his opinion. “You need
to send out scout teams first, if you cross that mountain blind...” Kashim
paused and glanced at Gauron. “I think that would be really stupid.”
“You're saying I'm stupid?” Gauron asked, in his horrible, cheery calmness.
“No”, Kashim said quickly and racked his brains to work. “I just think that...
your schedule isn't realistic. You want to be as effective as possible, but to
take on those places and get out with prisoners we need more men and more time.
And we need to know exactly what we're up against.”
“What would you do then? For now?”
Kashim lowered his eyes back to the sand. “I would... send out two scout teams
of two men. Here and... here”, he marked the spots to the sand. “Once they come
back with information, I would make the plans for an attack or retreat to
recruit more men.”
“How do you recruit more men, when we have barely enough money for gas and
food?” Gauron asked and sipped his coffee calmly.
Kashim lifted his eyes back to the man and a flash of irritation came over him.
“I don't know. Why are you asking me?” he snapped. “I don't know these things.
I'm a soldier, not an officer!”
Gauron laughed and placed his hand on Kashim's cheek. “You will be.” He brushed
his thumb across Kashim's lower lip. “You'll be one hell of an officer soon.
Now,” he slapped Kashim's cheek gently. “Focus. Where do we get enough money,
if we need it?”
Kashim sighed and went through few of the things they had done earlier as a
team. “Hijack a caravan and sell the contents, rob a village or an opium field,
sell hostages, do contract kills...”
“There you go. You know these things”, Gauron said with a smile and patted
Kashim's face again. The man stood up and tossed the rest of his coffee to the
fire. “Now, I'm going back to sleep. Kashim, send out your scouts as you see
fit. You're a Lieutenant now.”
The silence in which Kashim and Vostrikov sat was so deep, they heard the sand
move across their hand drawn map as a slight wind blew past them.
Kashim turned his head to Vostrikov and squinted at the sunlight. “What's your
rank?”
Vostrikov's head snapped towards Kashim and his lips distorted. “Captain.”
**
“A-ha ha... I'm sorry”, Wahidi dragged on his fake laughter and took the
cigarette from between his lips. “You really have to repeat that.” He turned
his eyes to Kashim and pointed at him with his cigarette. “You shoot one of
your own men, cause two more to desert the team and you get promoted?” When
Kashim didn't have anything to comment, the man let out another laughter.
“Hell, if someone had told me that's the way to get promotions around here, I
would've just shot you the first day you were dragged here.”
Kashim felt a nasty sting of the words. “You were actually dragged here after
me”, he reminded. “I had been in this team for a year, when you joined.”
“Cut it out, no need to measure them up right now!” Vostrikov barked. “Gauron
gave this gig to Kashim and we go by those orders, so listen the fuck up!”
Kashim forced himself to stand as tall as possible. It was clear that the old
crew wasn't supporting their new officer at all. The newer men seemed unsure
too, but not hostile at least. Kashim cleared his throat. “I need two scout
teams of two men.”
“For what? Looking for your ass virginity?”
Kashim turned his cold stare to Kasabian. Normally the man was, if not polite,
at least quiet. It seemed this was too much even for him.
“Looking for your left arm, if you talk to your officers like that again”,
Vostrikov barked from Kashim's side.
Kashim went through the group with his eyes. He had thought about making
Kasabian one of the scouts, but now he wasn't so sure anymore. He didn't know
how much the new guys knew about their surroundings and how much the old ones
wanted to fail just to see Kashim suffer.
“Well?” Wahidi ushered mockingly. “Don't keep us in this suspense.”
“The teams will go investigate the enemy movements in the next valley to the
north. There should be a camp there of reasonable size. We want to know how
many of them are there, what kind of weapons do the have and what would be the
best approach for the attack. Sherazi”, Kashim nodded to one of the older men.
“And Pavlovic, you are the first team.”
This had been an easy decision. Sherazi, even if he was over forty, was in
great shape, knew the mountains and was often used as a scout by Gauron too.
Pavlovic was younger and one of the new recruits, but he was big and strong and
could handle himself if something happened. Neither of the men said anything.
Sherazi cocked his eyebrows lazily to indicate the decision hadn't come as a
surprise to him.
The second team was more difficult. “Kasabian and Osinov, you're the second
team”, Kashim said, sticking with his original plan. Kasabian was clever and
fast, he had been around long enough to know what to look for when scouting.
Osinov... being one of the youngest of them wouldn't probably talk back and
that was enough for Kashim at the time.
“Fuck. You”, Kasabian spat both figuratively as well as literally. “I'm not
going anywhere.”
For a second Kashim waited for Vostrikov to say something, but when the man
remained silent, Kashim lifted his chin slightly. “That's an order.”
“Yeah? So is this.” The man jabbed his thumbs up while glaring at Kashim and
then turned to walk away.
Kashim watched the man go and didn't have a clue what to do. He was about to
shout something when a shot rang in the air. The bullet hit the sand just few
feet away from Kasabian's boots and the man stopped. Kashim glanced at
Vostrikov, who was holding his pistol.
“You talk back again and I'll give the gun to Kashim”, Vostrikov stated and
watched in silence as Kasabian turned around. With icy cold stare the disobeyed
man walked past them, shoved Osinov to his shoulder and continued with him to
the trucks. “You don't need a truck!” Vostrikov shouted at them.
“So fucking shoot me! I'm not walking!” Kasabian yelled back and climbed in,
waiting only a second or so for Osinov to join him before he took off.
Kashim stood still next to Vostrikov and watched as the truck left. “Thanks”,
Kashim said dully.
“Don't”, Vostrikov snapped and shoved his pistol back into the holster. “I
didn't do it for you, I did it for him. We're short on men as we are.”
***** Camping *****
Chapter Summary
     Almost sex, mostly just hanging out. I'll make it up in the next
     chapter, I promise.
The camp settled back to it's slow buzz. The day was becoming as hot as usual
and even though Kashim had been shirtless the whole morning, he started to
yearn for something to cover himself with. He had no clue where he had lost his
shirt and jacket in the first place, so he walked to Gauron's tent to get a
fresh one.
Gauron had been sleeping and was still pretending to be, even though Kashim
knew the man had woken up the second Kashim had walked to the doorway. Kashim
ignored the man and went for his back-pack. It seemed that he would have to do
some laundry soon. Most of the clothes were so dirty they felt like cardboard
against his fingertips.
“Did everything go well?”
“Yes”, Kashim answered rigidly and started to pull out some of the clothes. He
had spare time now and they had set the camp near a river, might as well wash
them today. “Although Kasabian's an asshole.”
“He's still alive?” Gauron asked with a chuckle.
“Yes.”
Gauron stretched his arms and let out a long yawn. “Good, good... What are you
looking for?”
Kashim only shrugged. “A clean shirt. I thought I had one still.”
Gauron chuckled and folded his arms behind his head. “You should be shirtless
the whole fucking time. It's hot”, the man said with a grin. “So. How was last
night?”
A shiver passed down Kashim's spine. His hands kept feeling the clothes to make
out which ones were still passable. “Good”, he said with a shrug and hoped
Gauron would just drop the subject.
“Wasn't it?” Gauron replied with excitement and rose to support his weight on
his elbows. “Jesus, that was good”, he sighed and turned to stare at the
ceiling for a second, before returning his eyes to Kashim. “You liked the
spanking, didn't you?”
Kashim had to turn his glare to Gauron. He said nothing.
“Oh, come on! Admit it! Little pain is just the thing to get your motor
running.” Gauron watched him with a unsettling grin on his face.
Kashim turned his face back to the clothes and piled them to his arms. “I'm
going to do some laundry”, he mumbled, standing up.
Gauron sighed and dropped himself back on the blankets. “Take the toys too.
They need to be washed after every use.”
Kashim felt his face blush. “I'm nottouching them.” His eyes darted to the
corners of the tent to see the said objects scattered there. “And I'm not going
to walk around the camp with them.”
Gauron propped his head against his palm. “They have sand on them. If you don't
wash them, there's going to be sand on them the next time we use them. How do
you think that will feel, hmm?” The man dropped back down. “It's for your own
good.”
With a sour expression Kashim collected the few items in a back pack and
stuffed the dirty clothes in it too. At least he could smuggle them to the
river without anyone seeing.
When Kashim got to the river bank and saw the glimmering water, he couldn't
help himself. He dropped the back pack to the ground, undressed himself and
dived in. The water felt cold at first but when Kashim surfaced, it felt only
refreshing. He took his time, swimming around and then scrubbing the sand and
grime off his skin. His hair got slightly less tangled, but Kashim knew it had
to be cut again soon. Nothing a sharp battle knife couldn't handle.
Kashim had found a nice spot in the water, just sitting there and watching the
water flow. There were couple of mouflons coming down a hillside on the other
side of the river. If Kashim had had a rifle, the team could've eaten fresh
meat tonight. Kashim leaned his head against the river bank and closed his
eyes. It was nice and quiet, the voices of the camp being dulled by the sound
of the river.
It was maybe twenty minutes later that Kashim heard the steps behind him. It
was too late to get up without being seen, so Kashim just stayed still and
hoped it wasn't Gauron.
“Mind if I join you? That looks just way too nice.”
Kashim glanced back at Weber and shrugged. It wasn't like he could deny the
man. He turned his face away when Weber showed he had absolutely zero problems
with getting naked in front of someone. The blonde soon dived into the water
with a loud shout and surfaced with even louder one.
“Oh man! It feels freezing after the sun!” Weber shouted and brushed his
longish hair from his face. Kashim pulled his legs up against his chest and
sank a little lower into the water. He had to admit that being around naked
people bothered him. Weber didn't seem to mind. He started swimming across the
river with long strokes, turned around in the middle and swam back. “Is this a
rare treat? To go swimming?”
Kashim shrugged again. “It depends. Usually we keep by the rivers during
summers”, he said. “It's just that Gauron doesn't want time wasted if there's
something else to do.”
Weber nodded silently. “It seems to be the most difficult thing around here,”
Weber started and glanced at Kashim. “Trying to predict what Gauron wants.”
Kashim was silent for awhile, trying to come up with an answer. “I'd say
piloting an AS is more difficult.”
Weber stared at him for a second before bursting into laughter. “You're one
tough son of a bitch, Kashim, I'll give you that.” Weber swam few rounds more
before returning without a smirk. “But seriously. Why haven't you shot him
yet?”
Kashim jerked back and stared at Weber coldly. If it hadn't been for his
unclothed state, he would've gotten up and left. “What?” he managed.
“Well do you like him?” Weber asked, like there was nothing special about the
question. “I seriously doubt that he's your father.”
Kashim felt a rush of nausea and he got up, not caring about his body anymore.
“I don't want to talk with you”, he mumbled and started to pull on the dirty
clothes.
“Kashim, come on!” Weber drawled and spread his arms. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to... I'm worried about you, that's all!”
Kashim didn't turn his eyes to the man, but kept dressing. The laundry would
have to wait. He leaned forward to pull on his boots and heard the water
splash. When he straightened himself, Weber was right in front of him, naked
and dripping water. “I'm just saying that maybe you should--” A hand reached
for Kashim's bare shoulder and the reflexes took over. A memory of Alex on the
kitchen floor, dead. At the first skin contact Kashim threw a punch. It
connected with the base of Weber's nose, splashing a generous amount of blood
on the blonde.
“Don't.” It was all Kashim could get out of his strained throat.
Weber, now holding his bleeding nose, took a glance of his hand to assess the
amount of blood and remained silent. Kashim gathered the rest of his stuff on
his arms and left. Walking back to the camp felt worse than ever. Kashim's eyes
darted between the trucks, the tents and the camp fire, but there wasn't one
place in the whole camp where he would have liked to go. His legs were still
carrying him towards Gauron's tent, but he just dropped the back pack in front
of it.
Kashim felt horrible. His heart was pounding, he felt like he couldn't breath
properly, his legs were shaking and his hand hurt. The river had been his
escape from all of this and now it was ruined too. Kashim's head turned towards
the two largest trucks. The second one had his AS in it. It would have felt so
good to train a bit, to put his whole mind and body to work and not think about
anything else. But if he did that, the sounds would be too loud. If there were
enemies close by, they would hear them.
He felt like he would start ripping off his skin soon.
With hitched breath and watery eyes, Kashim turned his head back to the tent
doorway. Walking in felt like submerging into warm quicksand.
Not caring one bit about the surprised look on Gauron's face Kashim kicked his
boots off and laid down next to the man. He pressed his back against Gauron's
chest and immediately his heartbeat settled and his shaking eased. Kashim
reached for Gauron's arm and pulled it over his midriff. A warm puff of air
tickled Kashim's neck as Gauron let out a chuckle. The heavy, calloused hand
petted Kashim's side few times, before stopping as the larger man drifted back
to sleep.
**
Kashim had fallen sleep too. It was rare for him to sleep during the day or for
more than six hours per night, but when he woke up, Kashim knew the extra few
hours had done good to him. The stress and the anguish he had felt earlier now
gone.
Gauron had sat up and was pulling on his boots. This was a surprise too, since
Gauron never got up without at least a blowjob. They shared a glance and the
corner of Gauron's mouth curled into a smile. “Sleep some more”, he said
quietly and stopped tying the shoelaces for a moment. A hand reached out to
brush Kashim's hair gently. “It's been rough for you lately. It's okay to be
tired.”
Kashim thought about saying that he wasn't that tired, but decided otherwise.
If Gauron was about to give him a break, he would take it. So he just nodded
slightly and pressed his head back down. Gauron finished with his boots and got
out.
For several times over the next two hours Kashim thought about getting up. But
always the thought of walking out of Gauron's tent in front of everyone stopped
him. He had come here voluntarily, slept next to Gauron and felt more relaxed
than with anyone else.
“Do you like him?” Weber had asked. Kashim sighed and folded his arms behind
his head. He stared at the ceiling and processed the thought. Did he like
Gauron?
What did it mean to like someone? Or to not like? At the moment Kashim didn't
like Weber. The thought of being separated from the group and Weber touching
his bare skin was ten times worse than anything Gauron had ever done.
Kashim's lazing was cut abruptly, when he heard someone yell “Chow!” from the
camp fire. It didn't take more than a few seconds to put on some pants and
boots, grab a hold of his canteen cup and run towards the sound. If it had
taken any longer, there wouldn't be any food left.
Most of the old crew were jogging if not running. The newer ones walked, poor
bastards. Kashim elbowed his way towards the fire and snatched few pieces of
beef and potatoes into his cup. With one hand as a lid against thefts he edged
away and took his place around the camp fire. Gauron sat there too, sipping
coffee and not giving a rat's ass about the food. He had probably eaten well
before the others were informed. When the new and extremely slow part of the
crew got to the pots and pans there were only two onion halves left, both
charred black and smoking.
“So umm... Where's the chow?” one of them asked and glanced around.
No one said anything, Kashim just kept stuffing his face with whatever he had
got out. He smelled fresh flat bread, but none were in sight. Lucky bastard,
whoever had gotten some.
Vostrikov was picking his teeth with his finger. He glanced at Gauron before
talking. “We don't plate your fucking food for you. A certain amount is made
and it's your problem if you're not here to get your share.”
“I'm here!” the man squealed, spreading his arms. “It was just...! For fuck's
sake!”
“There were some mouflouns on the other side of the river”, Kashim said as he
stuck his hand in his cup to get the last pieces of mushed potato out.
“Mouflons?” Wahidi snorted. “I ate fucking dogs the first three weeks!”
Kashim laughed with few others, but his laughter died as Weber walked to the
group. He glanced at the pans, took out one of the onions and sat on top of an
empty crate. More than a few people were staring at his bruised face and still
slightly bloody nose.
Since it was Gauron who spoke, most of them probably knew what had happened.
“What happened to your face?”
Weber glanced at Gauron like he wasn't even sure whan he meant. Then he
pretended to remember and pointed at his nose. “Oh this?” He shook his head and
lowered his eyes back to the onion. He was peeling it to find any edible parts.
“Nothing. Hit my head.”
“Into whose fist?”
There was an awkward silence. Weber kept his eyes either on the onion or on
Gauron. “It was nothing, I can guarantee that. No one was fighting.”
“I think you were”, Wahidi said with a grin. Gauron glanced at the man and
Kashim casted a glare towards Wahidi. “Now, I don't know exactly what happened,
but--”
“Shut up”, Kashim growled. No way would he give Wahidi the satisfaction of
ratting him out to Gauron. “I hit him. He was pissing me off.”
Gauron seemed more bored than surprised. “Oh.” He glanced at Weber again. “What
did he do?”
It was Kashim's turn to be at the centre of attention. “He asked if I was going
to wash his clothes too. We reached an agreement that everyone does their own
laundry like always.”
That seemed to be one of the correct answers. Gauron just let out a slight
snort and let the subject drop.
They spent hours around the fire, the whole team, drinking coffee and talking.
Few of the new crew members had stories about other groups they had been with,
other gigs they had done and everyone was eager to hear them. Their old stories
got boring fast and most of them did everything together, so there wasn't much
to talk about anymore.
Kashim didn't want to admit it, but the fact was that Weber had all the best
stories. Or maybe it was just the way he told them. The whole camp was howling
with laughter or holding their breath in silence as Weber told about his
adventures. Kashim wasn't sure if it was all true or not, but he didn't feel
like interrupting the story.
When Weber started another tale about some Frenchman who wanted to kill off his
wife's six lovers, Kashim glanced at the sky. It was getting dark again and the
wife-beater Kashim was wearing didn't feel much against the cool air. The camp
fire gave out some warmth, but whenever a wind blew past them, it was like
there was no fire at all.
Kashim wrapped his arms around himself as he listened Weber's story. A boot
nudged his ankle and Kashim looked up. Gauron jerked his head back, ordering
Kashim to come to him. There wasn't any room on the nearby crates or rocks, so
Kashim just moved to sit on the ground in front of Gauron. That seemed to
please the man as he immediately lowered his hands on Kashim's shoulders and
started to massage them lightly.
If they had been alone, Kashim would have hit Gauron's hands off and snarled
something about leaving him alone. But now it would just make them the centre
of everyone's attention and Kashim didn't want that. It was actually quite
nice, everyone just sitting there and enjoying some quiet time, Weber spinning
on his tales... Gauron's right thumb found a sore spot next to Kashim's
shoulder blade and he just leaned in with a quiet sigh. It wasn't so cold
anymore either. He leaned back and closed his eyes for a second.
“Kashim.” The whisper tickled his neck and Kashim startled slightly.
The fire was dying and it was pitch-dark all around. Had he fallen asleep?
Again?! Kashim sat up and glanced behind him. He had been leaning against
Gauron's lap, the man's jacket was over him like a blanket.
Gauron chuckled behind him and pet his head. “We should go in the tent, you'll
catch a death here.” His hands were back on Kashim's shoulders, only this time
just moving over them to feel his chest. “Or better yet, we could stay here,
get the fire burning... Have a really nice night under the stars...” Gauron
leaned down to kiss Kashim's neck.
Kashim's eyes darted around to see who else was still up. But there was only
one figure in the dark with them; Vostrikov was sitting on his crate and
staring into the red embers of the camp fire.
Gauron's tongue licked Kashim's jawline now and his hands were searching for
any skin contact they could find. “Yeah, I think we'll do that...” the man
mumbled. “Grigori, get some more firewood.” The sand crunched under Vostrikov's
boots as the man stood up and left.
Gauron got up and pushed Kashim to the cold ground. There wasn't time to
protest about anything before Gauron was already straddling him, kissing him
and then slapping Kashim's face sharply. “Don't lie there like a dead goat!”
Kashim blinked and tried his best to grasp the situation. Everything was just
moving too fast for his recently woken up brains. “Wha?” he asked befuddled.
Gauron leaned closer, just a half an inch away from Kashim's face and nibbled
his lower lip. “Kiss me back.” It sounded so strangely like a plea and not an
order, that Kashim just stared at the man with a confused look. Still, when
Gauron pressed his mouth back on to his, Kashim forced his jaws to move
slightly. Better that than getting his face kicked in, anyway.
With an approving sigh Gauron deepened the kiss until his tongue felt like it
was halfway down Kashim's throat. He was grinding on top of Kashim when a pile
of firewood clashed to the ground next to them. Kashim startled and would have
moved if Gauron hadn't grabbed a hold of his hair and forced him to stay is
place.
Vostrikov didn't seem to mind about anything. He placed few pieces of wood on
top of the embers and the fire caught them quickly. Light spread to their
surroundings, but made the night beyond the fire seem even darker. Gauron's
hand started to open Kashim's pants.
“I think I'll head to bed too”, Vostrikov said quietly and took few steps.
Gauron interrupted the kissing and lifted his head. “Already? You sure?”
“Yeah. I can take a guard shift later. When you're... finished”, the man
mumbled.
Gauron let out a laughter. “Oh, come on! Are we bothering you?”
“No, no!” Vostriov rushed. “By all means, do what you want. I just...” his
voice drifted as he probably nodded towards his tent. Kashim couldn't tell,
since all he saw from his position was Gauron and the starry sky. It was
pretty, one had to admit that.
“Sit down, relax. Let Kashim blow you.”
The stars died out like some kind of a cloud would have wrapped the whole sky
in it's hold. The cold and rocky ground felt more uncomfortable under Kashim
than ever before.
“It's fine. I could really use a few hours of sleep”, Vostrikov said. The sand
rattled again as he took few steps.
“I'll beat the living shit out of him, if you don't.” There was sickening
amount of amusement in Gauron's voice.
Vostrikov's feet stopped, but only for a second. “Do what you want.”
Kashim's heart started to race as Vostrikov just walked away. Gauron sneered at
the man and then turned back to continue where he left off with the kissing.
For a few seconds Kashim waited for the hits, but Gauron's hands just started
to fumble with his belt again.
“Why would you beat me?” he asked the second Gauron pulled away for air.
“What?” It was like he had already forgotten all about it.
Kashim hit his palms against the chest on top of him and glared at the man.
“Why the hell would you beat the living shit out of me?” he asked more furious,
copying Gauron's words. “What the hell did I do?!”
Gauron laughed and placed his hand on Kashim's cheek. “I won't. Jeesh, relax. I
was just testing him a little.”
Kashim frowned. “Testing how?”
“To see if he has the hots for you too”, Gauron said with a faint smile.
Kashim's heart sank. Hots for him. Like he had thought Alex did. To see, if he
had to shoot Vostrikov too. “You'd shoot him?” Kashim asked amazed.
Gauron shrugged and yanked Kashim's wife-beater off. “I just want to know about
these things.”
Kashim's thoughts started to wander. His belt opened and the cold and hard
ground hit his skin as Gauron pushed him back down and started to rip off his
pants. He just couldn't understand how Gauron could even think about shooting
someone so close to him. Kashim had always thought that he and Vostrikov had
always been on the same side. A hard slap brought him back to the present.
“You're dying on me again, Kashim”, Gauron snarled.
“Sorry...” Kashim mumbled and moved his eyes to Gauron's.
For a few seconds they stared at each other before Gauron sat up. He spread his
jacket on the ground, right next to the fire and laid down. “Come sit here”, he
said and patted his lap.
Kashim moved to sit on top of Gauron, although they were so close to the flames
now that Kashim had to really watch out for his arm and leg. Gauron lifted his
hand to Kashim's side. His eyes took in every inch of his body. With nothing
better to do, Kashim did the same for Gauron. Of course Kashim had watched
Gauron on several occasions, but most of the time they were still just quick
glances. To see where the man was or what he was doing. It was seldom that
Kashim really studied the man.
The concepts of beauty and attraction had always escaped Kashim, so he really
couldn't say if he found Gauron to be good-looking or anything. He seemed
healthy, that was sure. He had his weight in muscle, his skin was always tanned
from the sun and all of his scars had healed to be nothing but lighter marks
here and there.
It was Gauron's face that Kashim had the most trouble with. After all this time
Kashim still couldn't tell what Gauron was thinking most of the time. He still
had the habit of just staring at people until they cracked and started to ask
what the hell it was that Gauron wanted. Kashim knew it, because it had
happened to him too. He would carry the burned letter G on him for the rest of
his life because of it.
With the lights and shadows from the fire dancing on Gauron's face, it looked
like he was constantly changing his expression, varying from amusement to
anger.
“What was it that Weber said to you at the river?”
The question took Kashim by surprise. For a moment he had to think whether he
had even told Gauron about the river. “Nothing. I--”
“Don't bullshit me, Kashim”, Gauron demanded with a soft tone. His hands were
still light as a feather on Kashim's skin. “You were panicked when you came
back from there. You didn't even do the laundry. Now.” His hands took a firm
hold of Kashim's hips. “What did he say to you, really?”
Kashim's head was empty. He really should start to learn about lying. It would
make his life so much easier. “Nothing.”
“Did he do something?”
“No!” Kashim exclaimed, already seeing Weber being gunned down in front of him.
“He just... We had an argument.”
“About?”
“About... the laundry.” It sounded more like a question as the words came out
of Kashim's mouth.
A hard slap would've toppled Kashim to the ground if Gauron hadn't been holding
on to him. “Final warning, Kashim.”
“He touched me”, Kashim said with a sigh and closed his eyes for a second,
because he knew how wrong it sounded. Gauron's hands were like lead around his
wrists. “But it was nothing. I just over-reacted. He was trying to be friendly
and I... over-reacted”, he repeated quietly.
“What part of you did he touch?”
“My shoulder”, Kashim said immediately. Gauron stared at him for a few seconds,
judging his honesty and then loosened his grip. Kashim sighed a little. It was
rare to get away with something like that. Weber had said and asked a lot of
things that would never reach Gauron now. “I didn't want the others to think
I'm unstable”, he decided to add.
Gauron smiled and placed his hand on Kashim's sore cheek. “They already think
that, you crazy little son-of-a-bitch. And it's fine like that. No one will
mess with you, if they're afraid of you.”
Kashim laughed a little. “I'm not you.”
Gauron patted Kashim's cheek. “Yes, you are.”
***** Disband *****
Chapter Summary
     Nosex? The fuck? I'm sorry, I'll be back with smut as soon as I can.
     Also
     Surprise!POV
Gauron didn't want to believe it, but the facts were right there, staring at
him in the face. His men were growing more untrustworthy each day. There hadn't
been any real honour in their group in the first place and now with all the
comings and goings, they were just a bunch of strangers, tied together by a
promise of money. It wasn't that Kashim was getting unbalanced, he was just
acting the best way he knew, eliminating threats as he saw them. And there were
a shitload of threats around them nowadays. Gauron didn't want to admit it, but
it was the truth. Kashim had been right gunning down Kaminski. The kid never
let anything cloud his judgement. Didn't know how to.
Kaminski, Geary... Wahidi was nearing that point too with his comments. And now
Kasabian.
Gauron stared at the red dot on his monitor, moving further away with every
blink. He was clearly driving towards Turkmenistan, probably with the two
younger crew members. Sherazi might still come back, he was part of the old
group, but you could count on so few things nowadays.
The red dot kept blinking in front of him and reminded that the deserting
cowards weren't the only problem in this picture. The dot should have indicated
Kashim's location.
Gauron pushed the tent flap aside and stared at the boy sitting by the fire. He
fought the urge to stand up and go beat the truth out of the kid. Of course
there wasn't much of a point in that, he already knew everything. Clearly the
chip was out, by Geary's hand of course, and now for some reason it was in the
truck that Kasabian had taken for his mission. Either Kashim had planted the
chip in there on purpose or it had fallen. Either way he had lied to Gauron,
something he hadn't known the boy was capable of. Clearly he was learning new
tricks on his own.
Untrustworthy. Every fucking one of them. Even Kashim trying his best to betray
him. The thought made him sick.
He tossed the small monitor aside and got out of the tent. The boy lifted his
eyes as he heard Gauron approach, but didn't say anything. For a while Gauron
just stood there, staring at the boy and waiting. It didn't take long for him
to grow restless.
“Everything okay?” he asked, turning his eyes back to him.
“I don't know, is it?” Gauron asked curiously and crouched down, keeping his
eyes on the boy.
Kashim glanced around himself at the empty camp-site. Everyone else was
sleeping in the tents. “Yes”, he said with confidence, thinking Gauron had
meant his duties as a night watch.
Gauron stared at the boy, his tanned cheeks and the tender lips. It was amazing
how the most beautiful things could be so full of shit.
“Go pack your stuff”, Gauron ordered and ignored the confused look on the boy's
face. “Now.”
As Kashim stood up with hesitation, Gauron walked to Grigori's tent. He was the
only one among these asshole that deserved a chance. Gauron pushed his tent
flap aside and didn't even have the chance to nudge the man's boot as he
already lifted his head. “We lost another three”, Gauron said quietly and
rested his left knee against the ground. “I'm aborting the mission and
disbanding the group.” He let the words sink in, before continuing. “Now.”
Grigori sat up and groaned. “Yeah, yeah, just give me a sec”, the man muttered
and started to get dressed. “Who did we lose?”
“Kasabian and the two newbies at least. Don't know about Sherazi.”
“Motherfuckers”, Grigori cursed and stuffed his personal belongings in to a
back bag. “I'm getting too old for this shit.”
They got out of the tent with Grigori's gear and walked to one of the trucks.
Kashim was packing his and Gauron's gear in.
“Just the three of us?” Grigori asked quietly.
“Yeah”, Gauron nodded and lighted a cigarette. “Screw this lot. We'll take the
trucks with the 'Slaves and they can have the rest. Should be enough for
payment once they sell everything.”
“They'll wake up once we leave”, Grigori noted.
Gauron shrugged at his words. “So fucking what? You think they'll have the
balls to say anything?” Grigori didn't answer so Gauron turned his attention to
Kashim. “Are we ready?”
“Do we take the tents?” the boy asked.
“No, leave them. Grigori, take the other truck, Kashim, behind the wheel”, he
ordered and the two obeyed without a word. Gauron opened his door and stopped
as he saw movement from the corner of his eye. As he turned his head he saw the
German standing few meters away with a empty water bottle in his hand. There
was a silence. “Yeah?” Gauron grunted.
The German, what the hell his name even was, Weber or something, stared at him
for awhile. “You need a sharpshooter?” the man asked, immediately on the same
page with them.
Gauron thought about it for a second. More than the actual sharpshooting he
thought about Kashim. Weber still had a bruise on his face from Kashim's fist.
So they didn't get along.
“We're leaving now”, Gauron said and climbed into the truck. Weber sprinted
towards one of the trucks, fetched his rifle crate and was in Grigori's truck
within seconds.
Few shouts echoed from the camp-site as they drove off, but nothing more.
Gauron leaned his elbow out of the window and stared into the side mirror as
Kashim drove on. It was shitty leaving all that gear behind, but it was better
than to be sold out by one of those assholes.
“Where are we going?” Kashim asked, once the light from the camp had
disappeared into the background.
“Just keep heading south”, Gauron mumbled and took a more relaxed position in
his seat. He couldn't deny that he was majorly pissed off and a big part of
that was because of Kashim.
Gauron turned his eyes to the boy and watched his profile in the dim light. The
determined look and the tight lips. He should've just ditched the boy too, he
knew. He just couldn't. Just thinking about leaving him behind felt like
someone stabbing a knife between his ribs.
It was his Kashim! His small and vulnerable little killing machine. His
deranged little fuck head, to whom Gauron had taught fucking everything. He was
more than just a member of a crew. More than a son. More than anything or
anyone could ever be.
But at the moment he was also a lying little rat.
“You're not surprised we left?” Gauron asked, staring at the boy.
Kashim glanced at the rear-view mirror and adjusted it to his height. “No.”
They were silent again, Kashim just paying attention to the rocky and bumpy
road. “You know why I decided to leave?” Gauron asked with a joyless grin.
“No.”
“It has something to do with the truck Kasabian is using”, Gauron hinted and
leaned a little closer to the boy to study his expressions. “Ring any bells?”
Kashim glanced at Gauron, but either he had learned quickly to be one hell of a
liar or he really didn't get it. “No.”
“You left something in that truck.”
Kashim frowned at the road in front of us. He was clearly racking his brain
over it. After half a minute his face cleared. “My jacket.” The boy's voice was
hollow and his hands gripped the steering wheel tighter. Gauron watched as fear
crept to Kashim's face and slowly turned into horror as he understood the whole
picture. That Gauron knew.
“Your jacket”, Gauron replied and leaned back into his seat, still keeping his
eyes on the boy. “You kept it with you. Clever.” He had to admit it. The fucker
almost got away with it after all. “You're getting smarter. It's good.” Gauron
took out a cigarette, lighted it and inhaled deeply as he stared at the dark
desert and the mountains around them. He should decide how to go on from here.
If this was the last ride he and Kashim would take together.
**
Kashim had been a fucking angel when Gauron had laid eyes on him the first
time, years ago. It still brought a smile on his face every time he thought
about it.
Kashim had never had any identification papers or even a real identity so it
was impossible to say how old he was exactly, but Gauron would say he had been
somewhere around ten. Short for his age, even then, but that was just the
eastern genes. They had stopped for few weeks in Kabul to gather supplies and
men for their next gig. Gauron had been sitting outside a café, drinking that
shitty tea they shoved into your face every time you asked for a decent drink,
when they had seen each other the first time.
Kashim had walked past him, in rags, his hair reaching his shoulders and
without any shoes. He was starving too, it was obvious to anyone with eyes and
brains. He had glanced at Gauron and he had stared back. Love at first sight,
definitely, if you asked Gauron.
He had got up and searched the boy with his eyes, soon spotting him across the
street, walking away with brisk pace. Without giving his actions more thought,
Gauron followed the boy along the busy streets and got to witness quite a
talented thief in his work. The boy walked past market stalls, snatching an
apple here, a fistful of nuts there and continued on without anyone seeing
anything. He would've liked some bread, judging from the longing looks he cast
to the bakery stalls, but clearly they were too hard to steal.
Gauron ended up tailing the poor bastard for several hours. Just as he had
expected, the boy didn't get enough to eat, just the fruit and some leftovers
from the side of the street. When the boy finally managed to get his hands on
some roasted chicken in the evening, he was immediately surrounded by a gang of
bigger kids and cornered into an alleyway.
It didn't even cross Gauron's mind to step in and intervene as the fighting
started, it was just too mesmerizing. The boy didn't fight with finesse and
didn't even have a clear idea of what he was doing, but he did alright. He was
afraid of his life and it gave him some edge. Like a wild tiger cub in the
middle of fighting dogs. He managed to beat three of the others, but the fourth
one came with a crowbar and the fight was soon over. The boy was left lying
there unconscious and without any food. As the other urchins ran off, Gauron
stepped forward.
The boy was pretty even then, lying next to a pool of stray dog's piss and
blood covering his face. Gauron crouched down and pushed the hair from the
boy's face. "Tough little bastard, aren't you", he mumbled with a smile and let
his finger wipe over the bloodied cheek. The boy was out of it, wouldn't
necessarily even live through the night. Gauron smiled. "You should come with
me. I could teach you to be the meanest son of a bitch that this shithole has
ever seen. No one would fuck with you after that." The boy convulsed slightly,
gurgled and coughed up blood, but didn't really wake up. Gauron wiped his thumb
across the bloody lower lip and brought the finger to his mouth. "Tell you
what; you'll hang in there until tomorrow and I'll take you with me. How's that
sound?" No answer. Gauron smacked his mouth to the rusty taste of blood. "Of
course you would need to toughen up a bit. That was a really pathetic show",
Gauron mocked to the unconscious boy. "You need to learn to use your legs, you
know? Kicking. It's not cowardly, no matter what anyone says to you. It's
smart. You will always have more power in your legs that in your arms." The boy
coughed again and Gauron pushed him lazily to his side to a recovery position.
"That's just a free hint. Take it or leave it."
Gauron sat a moment in silence before glancing at the boy. A strip of bare skin
flashed from the gap between the ragged shirt and the too large pants. Gauron's
hand slid to the gap and pushed the shirt up. The skin was radiating heat and
it sent a jolt straight to Gauron's groin. The mere thought of touching that
skin with both of his hands was enough to cause his lips to part and make him
suck in air through his gritted teeth. "I could teach you so many things about
this world..." he mumbled. His hand sneaked down into the boys pants and he was
rewarded with a handful of ass. For a second he entertained the thought of
wanking right here and wiping his cum all over the boy's face, but instead he
just sighed and pulled his hand away. "Well at least think about it. We'll talk
about it tomorrow, when you're awake and everything", he grunted and stood up.
"Don't die off just yet, OK?" he said, stared at the boy for a few seconds and
walked away.
It was dreadful to think that Kashim might've just died then. But then again,
he had the habit of surprising you when you least expected it.
Gauron had his little play set up hours before Kashim woke up. The truck was
parked on the street, just at the alley exit, with the back open and crates all
around. Few strategic boxes left open for the whole world to see. Gauron sat in
the truck, smoking and passing time. He kept his eyes on the mirror and the
crate just next to the truck. It had fresh bread and biscuits in it.
The boy looked like shit when he crawled out to the world of the living. His
whole face was purple and bloody and his eyes were so swollen he could barely
see. He still managed to see the bread and immediately glanced around himself.
As the hand grabbed the first loaf, Gauron opened the truck door and jumped
down. The poor bastard tried to run even with all the bruises and wounds.
Gauron caught him after two or three steps and slammed him by the throat
against the truck.
"They cut off hands around here for shit like that", he growled to the boy. His
words set the boy in panic and he tried to fight his way out, small arms and
legs flinging in every possible direction. He had a surprising amount of
strength left in that condition. Gauron sighed and pulled the kid to the truck
door. “Get in”, he growled and pushed the boy until he climbed the few steps
and sat down to the truck seat.
Gauron took one of the breads in the ground and passed it to the kid. After two
seconds of hesitation the boy sank his teeth in it. Satisfaction surged in
Gauron's stomach as he watched the boy, like it was him that had gotten
something to eat after years of starvation.
"Where are your parents?"
"Dead." The answer held no emotion in it. It was just a word to the boy, spoken
hastily with full mouth.
Gauron watched the bits of bread disappear into the hungry mouth, crumbs
falling to the heaving chest. He passed a water bottle to the boy and received
a scene of water dripping down the delicate chin and down the dirty neck,
leaving light tracks on the skin. "Who beat you up?"
Small shoulders shrugged. "Some guys." He was quiet for awhile. "I would've
won, but they weren't fighting fair."
"People are like that sometimes", Gauron hummed. "That's why there's no reason
for you to fight fair either. But you should learn how to fight. If you want to
survive.” The boy cast a quick look on him and shrugged, continued eating.
“Would you like to learn how to fight?”
Another shrug.
“Would you like to get food every day?”
That got his full attention. Gauron smiled. “You come work for me and I'll give
you as much food as you want. And, I'll teach you how to fight. How does that
sound?”
There was some degree of suspicion in the boy's eyes, he clearly took a better
look at Gauron. His jaws slowed down. “What kind of work?”
Gauron shrugged. "Easy stuff. Pack up trucks, unload them, carrying stuff. And
when you're old enough, maybe driving too."
“Are you soldiers?” The amount of accusation was clear in the boy's voice.
“Not really. But we do have guns. You would get your own too, once you learned
to use it.”
It didn't take long for the boy to make up his mind after that. "OK."
"OK", Gauron replied and held out his hand. "What's your name?"
"Kashim."
"Hi Kashim. I'm Gauron."
**
“You're not a kid anymore”, Gauron said after the long silence. The sun was
already rising on their left-hand side, painting the wasteland orange. “I can't
keep making your decisions for you.”
Kashim had tensed once Gauron had spoken again, but he didn't say anything.
Gauron turned his eyes to the boy. “And I can't keep tying you up and watching
your every step. I just...” He let out a quiet laughter at how fucking pathetic
he would sound, if he started to talk about them being together or him not
being ready to let Kashim go. “You won't survive on your own, don't you
understand that?” Kashim clearly didn't agree, by the way he clenched his jaws.
“It's not just about finding water and sleeping outside out there. It's about
war and politics and choosing sides and all that shit you're not very good at.”
Gauron sighed as he watched Kashim. “If you leave me, they will catch you and
they will make you a soldier. And after that you will be their slave for the
rest of your life. You need me, whether you like it or not.”
Gauron lighted another cigarette. “Is it about the sex? You didn't try to run
before that”, he asked and turned his head back to Kashim. The boy was
difficult to read, but it got plain impossible once he just shut off
completely. Like now. “But you're just learning to like it. Doesn't that mean
anything?” No answer. Gauron sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
“Alright. If we stopped fucking, you would have no problem staying with me,
true or false?”
There wasn't a straight answer. Only after several seconds Kashim opened his
mouth. “I don't know”, he said quietly.
“OK. So there's something more bothering you. Good. We're getting somewhere,
we're communicating”, Gauron nodded and took a puff of his cigarette. “So. What
else could be bothering you... I got rid of all the assholes you didn't like”,
he said and raised his brows. “So it can't be them. Do you know yourself what's
bothering you exactly?”
Kashim opened his mouth, but no sound came.
“Go on”, Gauron urged. “Talk to me.”
Kashim just ended up shaking his head a little, like he just decided not to
talk. “I'm just... I don't know about anything anymore.”
Gauron leaned in closer to the boy. “That's why I'm here. That's why I would
never leave you behind. Because I know you get confused easily and people
always take advantage of that.” Gauron stared at the boy, who gave him no
reaction. “Stop the truck”, Gauron said and waited until Kashim pulled over
before he placed his hand on the boy's face and turned Kashim to face him. “I
will always take care of you. But I can't do that, if I can't trust you. I
can't let you leave, because I know you would regret it later, but then it
would be too late. The Soviets don't give a rat's ass whether you're their best
soldier or not. If you try to desert them, they will shoot you and that's that.
If you leave me, Kashim, you will die. It's just that simple.”
Kashim looked absolutely miserable. He tried to fight against the tears by
biting his jaws together, tried to pull his head away from Gauron's hand and to
look anywhere but his eyes. “I feel like... like I can't breath”, the boy cried
out. “Like someone's strangling me all the time.”
“That's just doubt”, Gauron stated calmly and placed his palm in the back of
Kashim's neck. “You feel like that when you can't make up your mind about
something. Once you do, that feeling goes away. Once you decide it's best to
stay with me.”
Kashim let out groan and tried to pull away. When Gauron didn't let him, he hit
the hand away and rushed to open the truck door. Just as Kashim's boots hit the
ground, the boy bent over and vomited. Gauron straightened himself and got out
from his own door. Grigori walked to them from the other truck.
“Problems?” the man asked.
“Kashim just got little motion sick”, Gauron replied calmly. “We'll go on soon.
You two up for it, if we head straight to Kandahar?”
“Sure”, Grigori answered with a shrug and walked back to his truck.
When Gauron turned his eyes back to Kashim, he was staring towards the other
truck. “Why's he with us?”
Gauron raised his brows. “Grigori?”
“No, Weber”, Kashim answered, clearly pissed off.
“Needed a fourth driver”, Gauron said with a shrug. “I thought you liked him.”
“I don't”, Kashim muttered and turned to get back into the truck. Gauron
stopped him.
“I'll drive”, he said and climbed behind the wheel. Kashim walked around the
truck and got in next to him. “Feeling better?”
Kashim kept staring at the road, with somehow different look on his face. The
kind Gauron didn't think he had ever seen on the boy. A new degree of coldness.
“I need to blow up something”, Kashim said dryly.
***** Substitution *****
Chapter Summary
     Okay, this is the chapter that I'm gonna go to hell for. But I really
     wanted to write it. The scene has been haunting me ever since I
     started this fic.
The truck had been silent the whole day. The only times they stopped was to get
a clearance at roadblocks around Kabul or when Gauron needed to take a piss.
During those short few minute breaks he talked with Vostrikov, about what –
Kashim didn't give a shit. Then they would continue driving in silence.
Kashim didn't know if Gauron was angry with him. Usually you couldn't get him
to shut up if your life depended on it. Now the man just kept staring at the
road, smoking cigarette after cigarette and letting out a quiet sigh every now
and then.
Kashim sure as hell was angry. Pissed off like never before, actually. Gauron
had, once again, taken his plans and dreams, kicked the shit out of them, set
them on fire and then blamed Kashim for having them in the first place.
Nowhere to go. The thought had crossed Kashim's mind before, but now it felt
more depressing than before. Earlier Kashim had always let himself believe that
wasn't the case. That if he really wanted, he could get out. He could survive,
because he knew this land better than the backs of his hands. Gauron had told
him none of those things mattered, because Kashim wouldn't be left alone. He
was too good for that. If he wasn't with Gauron, he would be with the Russian
army most likely.
The unknown. That was the main point here, wasn't it. Did he want to take the
risk and go with the unknown or stay with the devil he knew.
He turned his eyes to Gauron. It didn't take long for the man to look back at
him.
“What the fuck are you pouting about? I'm the one who's been lied at”, Gauron
snorted bitterly. “Finally ready to apologize about the chip?”
Kashim frowned. Yes, he had lied and normally that was something that would get
your ass whipped and he should have been begging for forgiveness. This time
though... He just stared at the man and then turned his gaze back to the wind
shield.
“Oo... Giving me the silent treatment, are you?” Gauron teased, although there
was certain edge in his words too. “I tell you how the things really are so you
won't go and get yourself hurt and I'm the fucking bad guy? Give me a break,
Kashim”, he muttered and placed another cigarette between his teeth. “You want
to go and explore the world – fine. I can relate to that, but you have to
understand--”
“Just... shut up”, Kashim sighed, interrupting the speech. “I don't even care.”
Gauron shut up probably more out of surprise than to comply with Kashim's
request. Kashim rarely told Gauron what to do. He kept glancing at Kashim, the
rugged road keeping their speed low enough for that anyway. “Oh... Alright
then. Right. Balls. That's good.”
It was amazing how he just kept quiet after that. Kashim actually counted
minutes, because he was sure the silence wouldn't last. But it did. Gauron
didn't say anything more.
At sundown Vostrikov honked his horn and Gauron pulled over.
“We taking a break sometime soon?” Vostrikov's voice asked outside the truck.
It took few seconds for Gauron to gather his thoughts. “Where are we?”
“I think we passed Behsud a while back”, Vostrikov answered. “You want to camp
out here for the night?”
“No, I want a house” Gauron answered immediately. “Do we know anyone in the
area?”
“I'm sure we'll find someone, if we go to Panjab. Do we want to pay?”
Gauron waived his hand. “Might as well. I don't want to cause a commotion right
now. Take the lead. I'll wait outside the town.”
“Sir.” Vostrikov left and drove ahead of them.
“I don't think we should pay anyone anything”, Kashim muttered. “How much do we
even have at the moment?” They must have lost a fortune in gear alone when they
had left the rest of the group. They needed fuel and ammo and those couldn't be
bought with fear. Free housing was a whole another thing.
“Let me worry about that”, Gauron grunted as he started his engine.
“It's throwing money away!” Kashim snapped. “We can just shoot them and take
the house like always.”
“If your mouth has nothing better to do than shout out inanities you can put it
to better use and blow me.”
“Fuck you”, Kashim muttered and moved slightly towards his door. “Where are we
going anyway?”
“At the moment somewhere quiet where we can come up with a solid plan. We need
to find out what's the situation in south before we choose our side. Besides,
we need food.”
That made Kashim groan and slump in his seat. “I want baklava.” He hadn't had
anything sweet to eat in ages.
Gauron let out a laughter. “Baklava's not food!”
“Of course it is”, Kashim mumbled with a frown. It was the best food he knew.
He could eat a whole tray of it and still not have enough.
“It's a dessert”, Gauron said with a grin. “Do you know that word?” Kashim
shook his head. “It means it's a food you eat off someone's skin.”
Kashim's frown deepened. “Bullshit.”
“It is”, Gauron insisted. “That's the way it's supposed to be eaten. You place
it on your lover's stomach and you eat it from there using only your mouth.
It's not real food.”
Kashim snorted at that. “I've never seen anyone eating baklava like that.
Ever.”
Gauron shrugged. “Well it's a fucking muslim country, so they don't do it in
public. But in their homes, yeah. Americans eat mostly ice cream like that. In
German it's... cunnilingus or something like that. It has apples and cinnamon
and what not on it. You'd have to ask Weber about that one.”
Kashim stared at Gauron, but he just couldn't say if he was telling the truth
or not. He wasn't grinning that much anymore, just seemed indifferent of the
whole subject. Kashim decided to leave the subject for now, although it made
him want to eat baklava a little less.
**
They drove to the outskirts of Panjab and parked the trucks in front of a
humble one story brick house, a private residence. Someone's home. Kashim
walked in and straight into the small kitchen to get some water. They didn't
have anything to unload from the trucks anyway, so there wasn't much to be
done. The owners of the house had already disappeared, probably paid off by
Vostrikov.
“Go get us something to eat from the city”, Gauron ordered and Kashim
straightened himself, ready to take the offered money. In stead of finding
Gauron staring at him with the cash, he witnessed Weber taking the money and
leaving. “And bring something sweet too”, Gauron barked after the man. Kashim
kept staring at Gauron and soon enough their eyes met. “What?” Gauron asked.
“Nothing”, Kashim said quickly. “I thought... Nothing”, he repeated and took
another mug of water from the bucket. It was nice to know that he wouldn't be
the only one doing the shit jobs anymore.
Gauron walked to him, took the mug from his hand and emptied it in his throat.
He wiped the few escaping droplets with the back of his hand and turned his
eyes to the rest of the house. He was silent for a second. “We could have a
place like this.” When Kashim didn't answer anything, the man shrugged. “Well
not like this. This is a shithole. But a place.” He turned his eyes to Kashim.
“A home.”
“What the fuck would we need a home for?” Kashim asked sincerely. He had never
stayed in one place more than a few weeks and the mere thought gave him the bad
kind of chills. Holed up in one static location sounded too much like being
trapped and waiting for death.
“Some people like to live that way.”
Kashim stared at Gauron's jawline and the scars on his face. “I don't think
we're those people.”
Gauron's mouth twitched slightly for a quick grin, before he ruffled Kashim's
hair and walked to the living room. Since there wasn't so many options to
choose from, Kashim decided to follow the man. They sat down and watched as
Vostrikov brought the guns in from the trucks.
Gauron and Vostrikov sat down to do inventory and think up a few possible plans
to go from here. Kashim sat down next to Gauron and just listened the men talk.
It was the same conversation they had had a hundred times. What was the
situations in different towns, who to fight for and why, where was the money,
who needed their fire power the most... Gauron sounded eager to get to do some
real fighting while Vostrikov wanted to do smaller gigs with lower risk.
“There's going to be a harvest in Herat soon”, Vostrikov said. “Always tons of
things to do down there.”
Gauron groaned. “Every fucking little nitwit is going to be there. It's like a
fucking carcass in the desert. You have to shoot half the city before getting
anything out of it.”
“If we got there earlier, we might strike a contract with someone big”,
Vostrikov insisted. “Someone who needs the muscle to protect their interest.
Two Arm Slaves makes any group think twice about attacking.”
Gauron was silent. The front door opened and Weber returned with two large
bags. He walked to the living room and passed one of the bags to Gauron and the
other to Vostrikov.
“Nice”, Vostrikov said and took out one steaming packet and a bottle of beer.
“Where the hell did you find these?” he asked and placed the bottle by it's cap
on the edge of the living room table. When he slammed his palm on top of the
bottle, the cap came off with a fizz.
“It's the hair”, Weber said with a grin. “Anywhere I go, they always know that
a blondie pays good money for a few bottles of beer.”
“Soviet crap”, Gauron mumbled after glancing at the label, but opened his
bottle all the same. He passed a take away container and a bottle to Kashim
too. Usually Kashim didn't drink beer, but this time he just took the bottle
and opened it like everyone else.
The electricity went off in the middle of their supper, so they hung a few
flash lights here and there. Kashim had to admit that he liked camping outside
better. The lights didn't warm you up the same way a fire did and there just
wasn't the same relaxed atmosphere in the small living room.
Once finished with his food, Kashim licked his fingers and glanced at the bag.
There was still something in there. By the smell of it, it could have been
baklava, but after Gauron's little info of the eating habits, Kashim wasn't so
sure he wanted to eat it. At least not right now. Maybe when he was be alone.
The beer didn't taste very good either. Kashim had drank it, but he still
preferred soda. It hadn't of course even crossed Weber's mind that not everyone
liked beer.
“You want the living room or the bedroom?”
Vostrikov's question made Kashim lift his eyes from the beer bottle. Gauron
made a quiet, pondering sound. “What's the bedroom like?”
“Two separate beds, straw mattresses”, Vostrikov answered.
Gauron grimaced. “We'll take the living room. Kashim doesn't like sleeping in
beds anyway.”
“Really?” Weber cut in and glanced at Kashim. “You don't?”
“No.”
“Why not?” Weber grinned. Like Kashim had said something stupid again.
“That's the first place to get shot in the night”, Kashim answered and killed
the grin on the man's face. He turned his eyes back to the bottle and shrugged.
“Besides I've slept on the ground all my life. Beds make my back hurt.”
Vostrikov and Weber took the bedroom and Gauron and Kashim set up some blankets
on the living room floor. Gauron went around the room and turned the lights off
while Kashim took off his clothes. They hadn't had sex in two nights and now
that Gauron felt like he had been treated badly, there was going to be hell to
pay. Kashim had tried to prepare himself for anything, but he still felt
nervous as Gauron sat down next to him.
Kashim sat still and waited. Gauron shifted slightly and laid down. As his eyes
grew accustomed to the dimness, Kashim saw the man just lying there on his side
with his eyes closed. Kashim stared at the man for awhile, just waiting for
something to happen.
Gauron turned to his back and Kashim tensed. Now. Now he would do something.
“What?” Gauron asked and opened his eyes. “Not tired?” He reached his hand to
touch Kashim's side.
“No, I...” Kashim started, but he didn't have a clue of what he was going to
say. The truth? “I thought you would be mad at me”, Kashim said then. Maybe
talking about things wasn't the worst possible thing.
Gaurons fingers traced his ribs. “I am”, he said, too softly. “I don't want you
to lie to me. But I get it. You were scared.”
Kashim didn't necessarily agree, but he wasn't going to say that. Not now that
Gauron was being so nice. “You're not going to beat me?”
Gauron laughed softly. “I don't think that would solve anything right now. You
know you did wrong, that's enough for now.”
Kashim tried his best to seem indifferent. “And we're not going to... do
anything tonight?”
The corner of Gauron's mouth lifted. “Just go to sleep.”
Kashim lied down with a frown. He spent a good half an hour wondering if Gauron
might be getting ill or something.
**
Gauron and Vostrikov made short, few hour trips around the town to find out
about the surrounding cities and where the most fighting took place at the
moment. That left Kashim with Weber. Kashim didn't talk much and Weber seemed
to quickly understand that they probably wouldn't be friends any time soon.
Still, they shared their meals and maintained the little gear they had.
Weber was sitting on the front steps of the house, smoking, as Kashim walked
out with the yesterday's baklava. He leaned against the warm wall and basked in
the sunlight.
“Hey, Weber”, Kashim started and stared at his food.
“Yeah?” Weber lowered his cigarette and tapped some ash off.
“You ever eaten cunnilingus?” Kashim asked.
Weber was hit with a fit of coughing and he turned his face to Kashim. “Wha?!”
Kashim frowned. “Well, have you?”
Weber lifted his brows and laughed. “Well... yeah, I have.” He was grinning
like a madman for some reason. “Why are you asking?”
“I just thought...” Kashim muttered and shrugged, keeping his eyes on his food.
“Would you say that it was... sexual in any way?”
Weber laughed again and took another drag of his smoke. “Isn't that the whole
point?”
Kashim didn't say anything. He couldn't believe Gauron had been telling the
truth. It sounded so... stupid. The baklava didn't taste nearly as good anymore
so Kashim just dropped it to the waste bucket next to the door. Weber tried to
say something, but Kashim went inside instead. This wasn't a topic he wanted to
talk about with anyone. Why was everything always about sex?!
**
They had been staying at the house for several days. No one brought any more
baklava to the house and Gauron wasn't interested in having any other kind of
sex either. Kashim wasn't complaining. It was weird, just to sleep next to the
man, but it was nice. For few nights Kashim actually slept really well.
That was until he woke up to the sound of talking the third night. He opened
his weary eyes and the first thing he noticed was that Gauron wasn't there.
Kashim stayed still, but he had already made sure where the closest gun was and
what way to get out the fastest if something was wrong.
"Have you ever held a gun before?"
It was Gauron's voice. Kashim frowned both at the question and at the soft tone
of the man. And the fact that Gauron was talking in Dari, when they talked
almost only russian in their group. Who the hell was he talking like that to?
The sounds were coming from the kitchen. Kashim turned his head towards the
sounds, but there was a wall between them. There was a poor, flickering light
in the kitchen.
"I bet you would make a fine soldier."
Kashim's skin crawled now and he stared at the kitchen wall with disgust. That
was a kid in there, wasn't it? Some local kid from the town. That's why Gauron
was talking like that. Kashim gritted his teeth, but stayed still.
"But if you want to revenge your father's death, you need to be strong. You
need to be a man", Gauron spoke quietly. "Are you strong?"
"Yes."
The voice answering wasn't just young, it was... fragile. Kashim placed his arm
over his eyes, to shield him as much as possible from whatever would happen
next. He didn't have to wait long.
"Take off your clothes, show me you muscles."
Kashim's stomach turned and he wrenched his arm away. Not this. Not now. All
the memories surged from somewhere deep and forced Kashim to relive those same
moments. Of course he hadn't understood them then, just like the kid in the
kitchen didn't understand now. It had been logical. Gauron had wanted to see
the muscles. So he had taken his clothes off. Jesus...
There was shuffling of clothes and Gauron let out a approving mumble. But that
would be it, right? It had stopped at that with Kashim. Gauron had looked, but
he hadn't touched. Or had he? It was difficult to try and remember all the
details from years ago and then sort out all necessary touching from the
unneccessary. Had there been times, when it had been weird that Gauron had
touched him?
"It's okay. Turn around", Gauron told from the kitchen.
Kashim felt physically ill, like he wanted to throw up. He sat up quickly and
felt cold sweat on his back. His head spinned. The boy let out a quiet yelp and
Gauron shushed him. One of the kitchen chairs rattled against the floor. Kashim
stared blindly ahead. Gauron wouldn't. That kid sounded so young. Gauron
wouldn't do it. He didn't have any reason to. Kashim was right here, if he
wanted sex.
"It's okay."
The boy whimpered. The knot in Kashim's stomach grew bigger and bile started to
gather in his throat. His first time had been so horrible. The pain and the
humiliation. The fear of not knowing what was going on. But Kashim had been in
the group for years then. He had still known Gauron and he had been older. An
adult, at least in his own mind.
The boy shouted, a clear cry, which made Kashim bolt up from his bed. The
chairs clanked and then there was a thud. The shouting was muffled by Gauron's
hand. Kashim stared at the wall with his hands shaking. His legs were trembling
too as he marched to the doorway. He couldn't let it happen. He just couldn't.
The sight wasn't a surprise. The boy was on his stomach on the kitchen table
without his clothes. Gauron was on top of him, still in his clothes but already
fully in. It took a moment for Kashim to get his voice out.
"Stop it!" Kashim snapped, trying to hide his own nervousness. Gauron wouldn't
be happy about the interruption. "Let him go!"
Gauron faced him with a grin. "Kashim...” he slurred, even though Kashim was
sure he wasn't even drunk. He pushed himself deep into the shivering boy. "Join
us."
Kashim's eyes darted downwards to the point where Gauron's cock disappeared
inside the boy and came back out with fresh blood. Half of the boy's face was
covered by Gauron's palm, but you could still see the tightly shut eyes
overflowing with tears.
"He's hurting", Kashim growled. "Let him go."
"No, no! It's all good", Gauron rushed and grunted in pleasure. "He likes this.
Just like you."
Something red flashed in Kashim's eyes when he heard the words. It felt like he
was a shaken up soda bottle and Gauron had just opened the cap.
Kashim had the element of surprise. He managed to kick Gauron to his knee and
as the man sagged, he could reach to pummel at his head. The pain in his fists
felt better than anything in a long time.
The boy managed to escape over the table and into the corner. Kashim didn't
have time to focus on him, because Gauron was quickly pulling himself together.
The first blow hit Kashim straight in the jaw and almost blinded him. Gauron
rarely hit with all his force, but this time he did. Kashim was no match for
him, but the fight went on quite awhile.
Once Gauron seized Kashim's throat and pressed him against the floor, the fight
was announced over. Gauron's nose dripped blood on Kashim's face as the man sat
on his chest and leaned over. They were both gritting their teeth, but mostly
Kashim just tried to pry the hands off his throat so he could breath.
"You want to fight me? Huh? Then let's fight, you piece of shit!" Gauron
growled and squeezed at Kashim's throat harder. “Fight me!”
Kashim let go of the hands and reached down. His fingers found Gauron's gun
holster, but the pistol wasn't there. His vision was getting blurry and even if
Kashim knew Gauron wouldn't probably kill him, he would certainly attack the
boy again once Kashim was out.
Kashim wrapped his fingers around Gauron's cock, still bare from earlier and
started pumping it. The fingers around Kashim's throat loosened and Gauron let
out a moan. Kashim took long breaths and calmed himself down after the fight.
There was pain and blood all around, but that could wait. Gauron closed his
eyes and his hips jerked.
“Fuck me”, Kashim whispered and tried to sound as genuine as he could.
“Yeah?” Gauron muttered and opened his eyes to watch Kashim. “You want that?”
“Yeah”, Kashim breathed and lifted his hips up to grind against the man. With
his other hand he gestured the boy in the corner to get the fuck out of the
house. As the boy scampered up, Gauron turned his head towards him. Kashim
immediately shoved the man hard on his shoulder to get the attention back to
him. “Forget him! I'm right here!” he growled. But the boy had already frozen
in his spot in the corner. It was like watching a wolf and a hare, the hare
trying to convince itself that if it kept really, really still, it would be
okay.
Gauron turned his head lazily to Kashim.“You didn't like that?” he asked with a
grin and thrusted more into Kashim's hand. “Did it make you jealous?”
Kashim was silent for a moment, just thinking about all the delusions Gauron
had about the world surrounding him. But that didn't matter now. Kashim had
started to learn how to play this game and he was pretty sure he could be an
excellent player.
“Yeah”, he said dryly, staring at Gauron's eyes. “I don't want you fucking
anyone else.” The funny thing was, he wasn't even lying about that one. If it
was either Kashim or some orphan kid, bring it on. He had dealt with it
already. There was nothing more Gauron could do.
Gauron laughed and straightened enough to pull himself away from Kashim's hand.
“It's not the same thing. I love you, Kashim, you know that, but it's not the
same thing.”
“It's just fucking”, Kashim said with a frown, his voice faltering with the
rising panic. He couldn't let Gauron start again.
“There's a difference.”
Kashim tried to take a hold of Gauron's jacket, but he was met with another
hard punch on his cheekbone. As Kashim tried to make the world stop spinning,
Gauron got up and the boy started the screaming again.
With shaky legs and blurry vision, Kashim got up and scanned his surroundings
until he spotted Gauron's gun. His breathing was short and irregular and the
taste of blood was everywhere. The cool metal of the gun felt so good in his
hand, giving Kashim all the confidence he needed.
The back of Gauron's head was right there. It was moving in small jerks as the
man fucked the kid right there in front of Kashim.
He lifted the gun and pointed at the black mass of hair, imagining the bloody
splatter of Gauron's brains on the opposite wall. The thought felt chilly, but
good. It felt good in the most basic level of his instincts, like it was the
thing to do. The only right thing in the world.
To kill Gauron.
Gauron turned his head and didn't even blink as he saw the gun. He pounded into
the screaming boy and craned his head backwards as if to give Kashim a better
angle to shoot. They stared at each other for what felt like ages.
Kashim moved his hand and pulled the trigger. The bullet dug easily into the
skull and ripped it in half with a loud bang. The boy's body went limp on the
table, he died instantly.
“Shit!” Gauron snapped and took a hold of the boy, ignoring Kashim and the gun
completely. He pounded himself into the boy few more times and came inside the
cadaver with a series of loud grunts and shouts.
Kashim dropped the gun and walked to the door. Gauron was laughing behind him,
asking something about the shooting and sloppy seconds, but Kashim couldn't
listen to it right now. He just walked out of the house and kept walking. He
had nowhere to go, but even that was better than this at the moment.
***** Shaving *****
”I would've come and helped you kick his ass, but Grigori had me at gun point.
Said I'd get killed, but that you'd be fine in the end.”
It was already full morning, Kashim had been sitting by the river bank the
whole night. He kept staring at the shallow river and the mountains on the
other side. He didn't care what Weber thought or had wanted to do. That didn't
change anything. Kashim kept resting his chin on his knees and stared into the
water. Weber walked next to him on the bank and sat down with a sigh.
”You don't have to go back. You know that, right?”
”What do you know...” Kashim muttered. Weber had practically just met them. He
didn't know anything about them, their dynamics or possibilities. Or
responsibilities. But of course he had an answer to everything.
”I know he's a sick fuck and that you should get as far from him as possible.”
Weber turned his eyes to Kashim, but Kashim did everything not to look back. He
would've liked to tell Weber about all the times he had tried to get away and
always ended up coming back to something worse. He was so fucking done with all
the planning and dreaming about something else. This was his fucking life and
there wasn't escaping from it.
”He wasn't always like that”, Kashim mumbled.
”I find that very hard to believe”, Weber answered dryly. ”He probably was, but
you just didn't understand it, being a kid and all.”
Kashim opened his mouth to protest, but ended up just shrugging.
”He's a sadist. People like that don't just wake up one morning and decide
that's how they want to be.”
Kashim turned his head to Weber. ”What's a sadist?”
Weber looked surprised. ”It's a person that enjoys seeing others in pain.”
”Oh.” Kashim turned his eyes back towards the river. ”Well yeah, he is. I don't
think he has any problems admitting that. I mean he has cut off people's
fingers just for the hell of it.”
Weber stared at him again for a long time. ”I really think you should get away
from him. You're a good guy, Kashim, but I fear what his influence might do to
you. I'd hate to see you turn out like him.”
Kashim pondered the words for a while. ”He always says we're alike.”
Weber snorted immediately. ”You're not, trust me. But I'd still like to see you
somewhere else than here. Before you stop caring all together.”
Kashim turned his head to Weber. ”I think I care more now than I did few years
back.”
Weber shrugged, but kept his eyes on Kashim. ”That's normal. You were a kid and
kids think funny. But now you understand more, start to think on your own and
it changes the way you react to things. I bet Gauron doesn't like that.” When
Kashim didn't answer, Weber continued. ”I know he's been hurting you for a long
time already--”
Kashim's head jerked back, like Weber's words had attacked him physically.
Weber lifted his hands up. ”It's none of my business and I don't care if you
have liked it at some point or occasionally even now. My point is: he will end
up either hurting you way more or he'll end up killing you. Guys like him don't
take steps back, they only get worse. If you don't find a way to get away now,
soon it might be too late.”
Kashim couldn't really argue with that either. He had seen Gauron's behavior
escalating from the moment they had had sex the first time. But somehow he
doubted if Gauron would actually kill him. There seemed to be some kind of
invisible barrier there, that kept him from crossing that line. There had been
times where Gauron could've easily killed him and he never did.
”I've...” Kashim quieted down. He was about to start talking about all his
escape attempts and why they had failed. ”I'm getting so sick and tired of this
shit”, he sighed. ”Every fucking time I come up with a plan, something goes
wrong and everything goes to shit.”
”I could help you”, Weber said quietly.
”The last person who helped me ended up getting shot in the head”, Kashim
mumbled and shook his head.
”Then he wasn't doing a very good job”, Weber said with a laugh. He punched
Kashim gently to his shoulder. ”Come on. What's the worst thing that can
happen? I'll get tortured and killed. It wouldn't be fun without a little
risk.”
Kashim stared at Weber with a worried look. So Weber was insane too. Maybe that
had been an obvious thing. You didn't live this kind of life if you weren't.
”Is there a word to describe a person who enjoys getting hurt himself?”
”Yeah”, Weber said with a grin. ”Masochist.”
”Finally a word to describe you”, Kashim mumbled. He watched the smiling man a
while, before standing up. ”I can't leave. Not anymore.” He dusted his pants
and straightened himself. ”If I leave, he'll just find someone else to hurt,
someone younger.” Kashim had understood it during the night. That had been the
whole point of Gauron's actions, his show. If Kashim misbehaved, if he didn't
obey, if he left; someone would pay for it.
Weber wasn't happy. He clearly didn't agree with Kashim about the importance of
keeping others from getting hurt. But it wasn't like in a war. The kid had been
a no one, a civilian without a clue of what was happening to him. He hadn't
deserved something like that. ”You'll end up dead”, Weber said solemnly.
”And if you stick your nose in this mess; you will be dead.” Kashim shrugged.
”I don't give a fuck anymore. Dying doesn't scare me half as much as living.”
**
Gauron was shaving. He sat on the couch, a broken mirror propped on the table
in front of him and a cutthroat in his hand. On the other side of the room
Vostrikov was reading a newspaper. As Kashim stepped in, Gauron's eyes moved to
him for a second before returning to the mirror.
”You're still here.” Gauron didn't sound surprised, but not disappointed
either. It was just a statement.
Kashim walked inside and slumped on an armchair opposite Gauron. ”Where should
I be?”
The hand holding the blade stopped as Gauron moved his eyes to him. ”I just
thought you would have wanted some time alone. After killing a kid and all.”
Kashim scoffed out a laughter of sorts. ”I'm the one who did something wrong?”
he asked.
Gauron cocked his head. He actually sounded like he was scolding Kashim. ”Now
Kashim, you killed a civilian kid. Executed. We don't do things like that?”
Kashim's eyes narrowed. ”No, we just fuck them instead.”
Vostrikov stood up immediately. He didn't even say anything; just stood up and
walked out of the house. Judging from the sounds he dragged Weber with him.
Kashim and Gauron were staring at each other.
”You have a problem with something?” Gauron growled without a hint of
amusement.
”Yes. The next time you do something like that, I will shoot you”, Kashim said
with the same tone.
Gauron was clearly taken aback by the words, but he quickly pulled himself
together and laughed. ”Like you had the balls.”
Kashim didn't waver. ”Try me.” He stared Gauron straight in the eye. ”Fuck one
more and try me.”
After a few moments of silence Gauron took a towel and wiped the shaving cream
off his face. There were uneven spots on his cheeks and jaw, where the shaving
had been interrupted. The man took the mirror and turned it around. ”Look at
yourself.”
Kashim lowered his eyes. He rarely looked at himself from a mirror. Today his
face was a mix of black and purple bruises. One of his eyes was swollen and
there was dried up blood on his lips, chin and temple. Gauron had given him a
good beating yesterday.
”You think for a second you could take me on?” Gauron asked, serious still. He
tossed the mirror to the floor and it shattered to pieces. Kashim stared at the
man. ”You want to fight me, that's fine. Just say the word and I'll kick your
sweet little ass once again. You want to even out the odds a little and fight
with the AS'; we'll do that. But don't think you can start giving me orders,
you fucking shrimp-dicked brat.”
Kashim kept his eyes on the man. There was certain kind of calmness in him. It
came with the knowledge that this wouldn't last forever. One day this all would
end. One of them would grow tired or die. Either was fine by him.
”I'm not talking about a fist fight. Or AS'”, Kashim said calmly and caused a
frown on Gauron's face. ”I'm talking about me taking a gun and pressing it to
your head when you don't expect it and shooting your brains out, just like I
did with the kid.” There was a surge of enjoyment when he saw Gauron's eyes
widen. The almighty Gauron, afraid of him. ”I don't need any skills or power
for that. You taught me that. Just a gun and a bullet.”
Gauron tried to hide his troubled expression with a laughter. Kashim didn't
laugh and it killed Gauron's amusement quickly too. ”You snotty brat. I should
kill you just for talking shit like that.”
”But you won't”, Kashim said with a lazy sigh and leaned back in his armchair.
”You can beat me, you can tie me up, you can even fuck me, but you can never
kill me. I know that now. If you could kill me, you could also let me go.”
Gauron scoffed and stared at Kashim for awhile, before pulling out his pistol.
He pointed the barrel towards Kashim's head. ”You sure?”
”Pretty sure”, Kashim replied honestly, although the thought of dying didn't
feel as bad as it once had. His heart started beating a little faster anyway,
maybe out of a reflex. ”You only kill people who want to live, anyway. I don't
give a shit either way so there's nothing fun about killing me.”
”When the hell did you start thinking so much!” Gauron spat and let the gun
drop to the table too. ”That's not good for you, you know that?”
”I think I'll say what's good for me from now on”, Kashim said and lifted his
feet on the edge of the table. ”Did you bury the boy?”
”What?” Gauron growled. ”Did I bury some kid you killed? No, I didn't fucking
bury him! Grigori tossed him somewhere.”
Kashim kept staring at Gauron and felt like he was watching a completely
different person from before. Gauron had always been confident, cold and
calculating in his eyes, but the man sitting in front of Kashim now was just as
lost as everyone else. He had no goals or plans, he just went with with the
flow and watched what happened. And now Gauron seemed to be scared too. It felt
good to think Kashim had caused all that, he had made some kind of a mark in
the man.
There were still spots of stubble here and there on Gauron's face. Kashim stood
up and even that made the man jump slightly. Gauron watched his every move as
Kashim took the shaving cream from the table and walked between Gauron and the
table. He sat down on the edge, which forced Gauron to spread his legs further
apart. Neither of them said anything as Kashim started applying the foamy cream
on the man's face.
Only when Kashim took a hold of the cutthroat, Gauron's hand seized his wrist.
They stared at each other and Gauron was clearly calculating again. This wasn't
the first time Kashim was about to shave him. It had been a regular thing
between them when he had been younger. After he had started the escape
attempts, Gauron hadn't wanted him holding razors anymore.
”I told you, when you fuck one more”, Kashim said and waited. He was serious
with his words and he believed Gauron understood it too. ”If”, he corrected
with a shrug. ”Hopefully you won't.”
Gauron snorted. ”It makes me sick seeing you pity someone. That's not how I
taught you. Pity is for civilians and faggots.”
”Aren't we faggots then?” Kashim asked with raised eyebrows. He had been called
a faggot his whole life and worse things too. Normal men fucked women and
faggots fucked with men, so maybe it all made sense in the end. ”I've never
seen you fuck a woman.”
”You've never seen me taking a shit either, but I do all the same”, Gauron
growled, clearly irritated by the name calling. He let go of Kashim's hand. ”If
you nick me, I'll--”
”Yeah yeah, you'll fucking kill me or killing fuck me. Hold still”, Kashim
mumbled and took a firm hold of Gauron jaw.
The blade scraped against the bristly stubble and left behind clear and clean
skin. Kashim took care not to miss a spot and make his every stroke count. He
was rather good with the blade considering he didn't have to shave himself. But
he had understood the technique quickly, just like any other thing that could
be lethal if necessary. Of course it had helped learning when Gauron had
counted all the nicks and cuts when Kashim had been a kid and given him as many
strikes with his belt. Seven in the first time, two on the second and from then
on, none.
”Have you decided what we're going to do next?” Kashim asked as he moved the
blade across Gauron's left cheek.
”Herat”, Gauron said tersely and Kashim nodded.
It wasn't a surprise. They usually went to Herat every other year or so. The
area had large poppy fields and during a harvest there were several mercenary
groups and armies trying to get their share of the drug money. You could make a
lot of money fast in Herat, but you could also get killed or busted just as
quickly.
”We'll probably have to work for someone, now that we don't have a team”,
Gauron spoke, maybe more to himself than to Kashim.
”Of course”, Kashim mumbled and wiped the cream from the blade to the towel
Gauron had used. Going to Herat and protecting some smugglers had never been
Kashim's favourite past times, but now it sounded as good as any other option.
And it had been too long since he had had the chance to use his AS.
The shaving was finished and Kashim patted the rest of the cream to the towel.
Gauron wiped his hand across his jaw and didn't seem to find anything to
complain about. ”Your turn.”
There was a twitch in the corner of Kashim's mouth as he placed the cutthroat
on the table. ”Yeah, right”, he said as it was obvious to anyone that his face
didn't require shaving any time soon.
As he stood up, Gauron's hand grabbed the front of his waistline and stopped
him. ”I wasn't talking about your face.”
For a good moment Kashim had to think what the hell Gauron was talking about,
before he realised what was the only place he actually had any body hair. ”Fuck
off”, Kashim muttered and hit Gauron's hand off, just to have it return to the
same place tighter.
”You want me to keep my hands off other boys, you'd better make it worth it”,
Gauron growled. ”You will do anything and everything I say and I won't fuck
anyone else but you.” He circled his hands to Kashim's clothed buttocks and
fondled them in his hands. ”Those are my terms. Do we have a deal?”
Kashim didn't need to think it through. ”Yes.” He really doubted that Gauron
had anything new to do to him. Anyway, it had been clear from the start that
Kashim couldn't straight out ban Gauron from having sex with anyone. That would
be like telling him not to breath, like telling fish not to swim all the
fucking time. But it would be fine, as long as it was only Kashim that had to
go through it.
Gauron squeezed his buttocks once more before moving his hands to the front and
opening Kashim's pants. He pulled the pants down and reached behind Kashim to
swipe the table clean of all the junk that was on it.
”Sit down”, Gauron ordered and pushed Kashim back by his hips. Kashim sat on
the edge of the wooden table and tried to keep calm as Gauron reached down to
open his boot laces. Once he was done, he pulled off both the boots and the
pants. ”Lie down.” Gauron's voice was creepy soft again, like he was somewhere
else in his mind.
With his heart pounding, Kashim lied down to rest on his elbows. Gauron took a
hold of his ankles and lifted them apart on the edge.
”You're going to cut me”, Kashim said tensely. ”Aren't you?” An image played in
his mind where Gauron would just take his junk and slice everything clean off.
Gauron took some of the shaving cream to his hand. ”You didn't cut me, I won't
cut you. It's called mutual trust and you should really start showing some
after all there years”, he said with a widening smile and started spreading the
cream on the pubic hair above Kashim's cock.
”Why the hell would you want to shave something like that?” Kashim asked with a
frown.
”One of these days we'll find a thing that you like to do in bed, but until
then we'll do it my way”, Gauron said and leaned further down. It was somewhat
disturbing to watch him so concentrated, like it had nothing to do with sex.
”Lie down, I need a better view”, he grunted and pushed Kashim's legs up and
apart. Kashim's head hit the table and he was left staring at the ceiling.
”If Vostrikov and Weber come back now--” Kashim started, trying to picture
Weber's reaction.
”So what”, Gauron muttered and kept massasing the cream on Kashim's balls,
before moving his fingers even lower. Kashim tensed his muscles as Gauron's
fingers rubbed against his hole. ”You think shaved balls is the worst thing
they've ever seen? Now hold very still”, Gauron said quietly and pulled his
hand away before starting the shaving.
Kashim took shallow breaths and kept staring at the ceiling as he felt the cold
blade against his skin. Gauron finished the upper part quite quickly, patted it
clean and leaned back.
”Yes. Perfect”, he mused and slid his fingers against the smooth skin. Kashim
tried to take a look, but Gauron pushed him back down. ”I'm not finished yet”,
he grunted and pushed Kashim's legs further apart. ”This is the tricky part”,
he mumbled and Kashim felt the man take his balls into his hand. Without
looking it was difficult to tell how exactly Gauron was doing the shaving.
Kashim just felt the man fondling him and a scrape across his skin.
It felt like it took forever and Kashim's legs started to tingle and shake from
the awkward position. After awhile Gauron straightened up and again patted
Kashim's groin. The man kept staring at his work and seemed to be satisfied
enough. ”I'll guess that'll do. It will probably itch like hell afterwards.
Tell me when that happens before you start scratching yourself raw. Now, the
last bit.” Gauron moved suddenly. He stood up and pushed Kashim further back on
the table so that he nearly ended up doing a backward roll. As Gauron knelt on
the table, Kashim's ass was on the same level with his hand and his knees were
almost touching his face. The position was uncomfortable to say at least.
”Here, lean against me, it's easier”, Gauron said and placed his thigh against
Kashim's back to give at least some support.
Gauron spread the shaving cream across Kashim's buttocks, probably using way
more of the stuff than was necessary. He carefully slid his fingers across the
cleft and ended up circling the hole with the tip of his fingers again. It was
embarrassing having the man's face so close to him, studying every twitch of
every muscle.
”Our first time was such a disappointment”, Gauron said quietly. ”I should have
been more careful, go slower. Let you enjoy it too.” He took the razor again
and started shaving the area around Kashim's hole and along the cleft. ”I just
couldn't help myself any longer. You had been driving me crazy for months.”
Gauron wiped the blade clean and then returned to the shaving, calm and slow.
”You're probably still angry at me for that. For the way I hurt you. That's why
you did what you did to that boy.”
”I--” Kashim tried to reply something, but didn't have the time.
”Doesn't matter, really. We can't change the past. Sometimes I just wish we
could. Start again.” The cutthroat clanked against the table as Gauron tossed
it away. The soft towel was patted against Kashim's skin, but Gauron still
wouldn't let him lower his backside. It was nerve-racking to just lie there and
wait, not being able to even see properly what was happening.
Gauron leaned closer and Kashim thought he was going to check the quality of
his shaving, but no. If Gauron hadn't had both of his arms on Kashim's sides,
he would've probably fell off from the table from the pure shock.
Gauron licked him.
And not just his buttocks, but his hole. Kashim's jaw dropped open as he felt
the man's tongue against his skin. His cheeks blushed worse than ever and he
tried to wriggle away.
”What are you doing!” he hissed quietly, like the action had been so absurd,
you couldn't even talk about it out loud. ”Stop it!”
Gauron wasn't either listening or giving a crap. His hands spread Kashim open
and his tongue glided against the cleft, like he was actually enjoying the
taste. All Kashim could think of was how incredibly unclean this had to be. If
there ever was a sure way to get sick around here, it was to be unclean when it
came to food. And... well, this was practically the same thing. This was
probably worse than him licking Gauron's boots the other day.
Kashim tried to shift away, but just ended up banging his own face with his
knee. Gauron straightened up all the same and raised his eye brows. ”Does it
feel bad?”
Kashim opened his mouth, but no, he really couldn't say that had felt bad
comparing to a lot of things Gauron had done. But his shoulder blades did start
to ache from the awkward position he had been forced in. ”Maybe... on the
couch?” Kashim suggested, trying to keep the embarrassment out of his voice.
Gauron flashed a grin and quickly scooped Kashim from the table and moved him
to the same couch he had been sitting in. All the valid arguments now gone,
Kashim quickly found himself from the almost identical position, although the
soft couch made it much more comfortable.
He was halfway on Gauron's lap as the man returned to his earlier task. Kashim
watched as the tanned and large hands spread him open, before Gauron's tongue
was on him again. It didn't feel much like anything, just wet and warm, but
more than that the thought of Gauron doing something like this was mind-
blowing. Blowjobs had always been one of the most embarrassing things for
Kashim. Mostly because they were often done in front of people. Using his mouth
had been a punishment, a way for Gauron to put him in his place.
And now the man was licking him.
It made Kashim's cock twitch along with his hole. Gauron met his gaze, but
Kashim couldn't look away. The man's tongue delved into his hole, just an inch
or so, but it felt good enough to make Kashim gasp for air. Gauron jabbed his
tongue in and out for a few times, before pulling away and licking the cleft
and the underside of Kashim's balls.
While continuing the licking Gauron reached a hand towards Kashim's face.
Without even thinking about it Kashim opened his mouth and Gauron pushed two of
his fingers in and along Kashim's tongue. Keeping their eye-contact Kashim
closed his mouth around the fingers and sucked on them. Gauron let out a
chuckle against Kashim's skin and even that send shivers down his spine.
The wet fingers were dragged from Kashim's mouth and they left a trail of
saliva on his chin. Gauron let him drop to a slightly more comfortable
position, lying on his back and legs spread on either side of the man, before
he took Kashim's cock in his hand. Kashim couldn't say which one of them was
more surprised at how hard he already was.
”You liked that?” Gauron asked quietly, starting to slowly pump Kashim's
length.
Kashim just swallowed hard and nodded. There was no point in denying it at this
point anyway.
”Then let's make this our new first time”, Gauron mumbled and moved his other
hand to Kashim's buttocks. Kashim had time only to realise that he should brace
himself for the entry until Gauron's finger was already gliding in.
It felt so different and so much better than usual, that Kashim just craned his
neck back and groaned in pleasure. His hole was wet from the licking and
Gauron's fingers were wet and everything had just the right amount of tension.
”You're so fucking beautiful”, Gauron murmured as he lifted Kashim's leg on his
shoulder and then returned to pump his hand in the same rhythm with his other.
”Stretch your arms up. Take a hold of the arm rest”, Gauron ordered and Kashim
did that. At first it made him confused, but as he moved his arms from his
sides and above his head, he understood the meaning of even this little change.
It made Kashim definitely feel more vulnerable, like he was exposing all of
himself to the man.
Gauron kept staring at his body until he leaned over and licked Kashim's abs
and chest with few long licks. Kashim breathed out and tried to get more
friction from the man's hands, but only ended up moving until Gauron's finger
slipped out of him.
”More”, Kashim demanded immediately. The finger had felt so good that he wanted
to feel it again.
”You want more?” Gauron asked with a grin as his fingertips ghosted over
Kashim's buttocks.
The question woke up the alarms in Kashim's head and he swallowed to calm
himself down. ”Just the fingers.”
Gauron chuckled and circled Kashim's hole with his fingertips. ”Well aren't you
getting bossy...” Still the man took his hand, dipped his fingers in his mouth
for more wetness and pushed two finger inside. Another loud groan escaped
Kashim's mouth. ”Feels good?”
”Yeah”, Kashim breathed and clawed the arm rest above his head.
”You want me to fuck you with my fingers?” Gauron asked and quickened his hand
pumping on Kashim's cock.
”Yeah.”
”Say it to me”, Gauron commanded.
”Fuck me”, Kashim pleaded with strained voice and even that made his cock
pulse.
Gauron sneered widely. ”Dirty little boy.” His hands moved faster and Kashim
felt a third finger enter him.
It didn't feel as good as with the lubricant, but it didn't hurt enough to make
him want to stop. The pressure gathered into his lower abdomen, tightened
around his balls and made all of his muscles tense. Kashim lifted his head from
the couch and watched Gauron's fingers enter him few more times, before he
erupted with a loud shout.
Kashim lied still and tried to catch his breath the best he could. His brains
didn't function like they used to and there was a strange tremble in most of
his muscles. Gauron's hand smoothed the skin on his thigh and spread the semen
under his palm.
For a few moments Kashim waited that Gauron would get up and maybe started to
strip his clothes off. There was no ending in this where Gauron would just get
up and not want something in return. Kashim was even going to let him do it. He
was too tired to start fighting when both of them knew the outcome anyway.
Gauron did stand up. But he walked to the kitchen to fix himself a mug of
coffee.
”You want some?” the man asked.
Kashim watched the man's back and frowned. ”Sure.”
***** Herat *****
Chapter Notes
     I've been crazy busy lately, but I will continue whenever I have
     time. Have faith. And some semi-rape in the mean time.
When Vostrikov and Weber came back to the house it was like nothing had
happened. Gauron was on his second mugful of coffee and Kashim had picked up
the newspaper left by Vostrikov. It was two weeks old, but that had very little
meaning.
”Are we leaving today?” Vostrikov asked as he walked in and to the kitchen as
soon as he smelled the coffee.
Gauron let out an incoherent mumble as he kept staring in front of him. ”I'd
like to go with the AS's fully operational. There might be anything waiting for
us.”
Kashim glanced at the man and noticed Vostrikov's blank face as the man
returned to the living room. ”Yes, that would be great”, the man spat out with
clear sarcasm. ”If only we had the manpower to do that. Unfortunately they were
left few hundred kilometers up north.”
Gauron moved his eyes to the man and there was the type of silence that was
usually caused by Kashim. It was refreshing to be the one looking at the
situation from outside. Kashim leaned back in his armchair and just enjoyed the
show. It was true that the AS' were useless in their current condition, in
pieces and packed up tightly in the trucks. But to assemble them required
either half a day and a crane or twelve strong men and two days.
”We could hire some of the villagers”, Gauron said with a shrug.
”You want to trust eight million dollars worth of military equipment to the
hands of fucking goat herders?!” Vostrikov snapped angrily. The shouting caused
even Gauron to flinch.
”The fuck's wrong with you?” the man asked with a frown.
Vostrikov sighed and turned towards Kashim and the arm chair. ”Get the fuck
off”, he said with a tired voice and jerked his hand towards Kashim.
Kashim stared at the man for a moment, but got up none the less. He changed
glances with Weber who was standing near the doorway on the opposite wall.
Vostrikov sat down with another sigh and propped his feet on the table. ”We
need to start making serious plans. We're out of money, out of gas, few more
fights and we'll be out of ammo too.”
Gauron spread his arms with a swift and angry motion and swallowed down the
coffee in his mouth. ”We're going to Herat!” he spat with strained voice. ”What
the fuck are you bitching about?”
”And you're sure there will be work there? Someone who isn't tired of your
turn-coating them every other week?” Vostrikov challenged.
Gauron tilted his head slowly. ”Well either there is or there isn't. Only one
way to find out. Are you in or not? That's the only thing I'm interested
hearing at this point.”
Vostrikov sighed and waived his hand. ”In, in. Of course I am. I just wish--”
”I wish that you would shut the fuck up”, Gauron interrupted. ”Which one of the
wishes do you think will come true?” Vostrikov sat quietly still and stared in
front of him. ”That's what I thought”, Gauron scoffed.
**
The sleepless night took it's toll on the road. Twice Gauron had to smack
Kashim awake when he almost fell asleep behind the wheel. The boring wastelands
and dirt road giving from zero to none visual stimulation to him, Kashim
started to chew on his tongue and cheeks, hoping that the pain would keep him
sharp. After two hours and a bleeding and numb mouth it was getting ridiculous.
”Can we switch?” Kashim asked and glanced at Gauron. The man was studying some
map spread across his lap. ”I didn't sleep at all last night.”
”And whose fault is that?” Gauron asked, keeping his eyes on the frayed piece
of paper.
Kashim turned his eyes to the road and arched his eyebrows. ”Yours, actually.”
Gauron turned his face to him and smiled. ”Kept you up all night, dreaming
about me?”
Kashim snorted. ”Yeah, that's why. Can you drive or not?”
”Nope. We're almost there, anyway.”
Kashim sighed and ran his hand through his hair. When he had the chance, he
would sleep for ages.
They drove on for another half an hour before the green poppy fields started to
appear on the horizon on the left hand side. Kashim leaned back and was about
to ask Gauron where they would head in the city, when he saw something on the
road ahead.
”Gauron”, Kashim said in steady voice and slowed the truck down. Gauron lifted
his eyes from his map and squinted.
”What is it?”
Kashim made out some sort of buildings on both side of the road, men walking
around... red and white pole across the road. ”A roadblock, check point or
something”, Kashim mumbled and glanced at Gauron. ”What now?”
”Go on”, Gauron said slowly, assessing the situation. ”Let's see who's in
charge here.”
Kashim kept driving slow and steady and saw the people ahead rushing back and
forth. Just then a breeze of air swept across the road and moved a flag near
the checkpoint. The blood red cloth made Kashim hit the breaks immediately.
”Shit”, Gauron grunted and glanced at the rear view mirror. “Warn Vostrikov.”
Kashim pumped the break pedal for three short, three long and three short times
and repeated it few times. In the mirror the other truck stopped and quickly
changed to reverse. It only took seconds for them to disappear behind the
horizon.
“Let's go”, Gauron said and took a deep sigh. “Drive nice and slow, don't do
any sudden movements and keep your mouth shut.”
They didn't even reach the roadblocks, before few soldiers already approached
them with guns and signaled them to stop. Kashim did, and kept his eyes forward
as few of the soldiers surrounded their truck. The doors were opened and Kashim
turned his eyes to meet the barrels of assault rifles. They were old models,
cheap but reliable AK's, the same ones Gauron and Kashim themselves used the
most.
“Get out!” the soldier barked in Russian.
Kashim followed Gauron's example and got out, keeping his hands as visible as
possible. He dropped down the steps and turned around to face the much taller
men. There was a moment of quiet staring, before Gauron walked around the truck
to them.
”Who's in charge here?” Gauron barked and sounded, to Kashim at least, like a
pissed off officer or something. It was like he hadn't even seen the rifles
pointed at him.
The soldiers didn't seem to be impressed however. They kept their guns at
Kashim and Gauron as one of them, higher ranking officer judging by the
shoulder straps, approached them.
”The city is under Soviet occupation”, the officer barked back at Gauron.
”State your name and business.”
”My business is the two fucking AS' that were asked to be delivered here. Do
you want them or not?” Gauron growled and gestured toward the truck.
The officer didn't have time to reply as his HT let out a crackling sound and
someone asked, what was going on. The officer lifted the device to his mouth,
keeping his eyes on Gauron. ”There's a man here saying someone has ordered two
Armslaves. Over.”
”Standby”, the voice in the HT said. Everyone stared at each other and no one
said anything.
Kashim moved his eyes to one of the soldiers, a lower ranking one, who was
walking towards them rapidly. He stopped next to his officer.
”Sir? That's Gauron”, the soldier said, clearly nervous and sweating.
The officer glanced at Gauron yet again and kept his eyes at him. Gauron seemed
relaxed, stretching his legs and arms like the pause was just what he had
ordered. The officer pressed his HT closer to his mouth. ”The person bringing
the Armslaves is Gauron. I repeat, the person at the gate seven seven is
Gauron. Over.”
Kashim remained still only because that was what Gauron was doing. The man
didn't seem to be alarmed at being recognised although it made Kashim feel
extremely nervous. He had no idea where they were standing with the Russians at
the moment. They had been working for them in the North and had aborted the
mission, so that couldn't be too good.
HT cracked again, this time the voice was a different one. ”Seven-seven, how
big is the group? Over.”
Gauron smiled, squinted in the bright sunlight and held up two of his fingers
to the officer.
The officer stared at Kashim for a second. ”One plus one minor. No civilians.
Over.”
”Are the armslaves operational?” the voice asked.
The officer swung his hand at the soldiers and two of them ran to the back of
the truck. It only took a moment for them to see the situation. ”Negative.”
”Seven-seven, wait ten for escort. Over and out.”
The officer didn't have to translate that. Gauron nodded to the words and the
officer walked back to the shack by the roadside. The soldiers were left
standing there, guns now pointed at the ground, but still ready to use if
necessary. Kashim let out the breath he had been holding and let his shoulders
relax. For some reason Gauron was welcomed even after all the shit he had done.
Or at least they weren't shot at the gates.
Gauron took out a cigarette and lit it while resting himself against the front
tire. ”How long you've been here?” he asked one of the soldiers.
”Four or five months.” The soldier sounded like it had been a lifetime.
Gauron nodded and the grinned. ”A shithole, isn't it? The whole fucking
country.” He offered the soldier a cigarette.
The soldier grinned back and took the smoke. ”Yeah, I guess so.”
”It's the god damn heat”, Gauron continued and glanced at the blue sky. ”Drives
everyone insane. I met this guy awhile back, had lost his gear and shit in the
middle of the desert, drank his own piss for a week.”
”No shit?” the soldier laughed.
”Yeah”, Gauron mumbled and took a drag of his cigarette while staring at the
road in front of him. ”All kinds of crazy shit around here... You know who's in
charge here?”
The soldier shrugged slightly. ”I can't give you any info on that. You'll have
to wait for the escort. They'll take you into the city and--”
”Yeah, yeah. Sure. Absolutely”, Gauron rushed and took even more relaxed
posture against the truck. ”Mind if my pilot waits in the truck?”
The soldier and Kashim shared a glance and then the man shook his head. ”Nah,
go ahead.”
Gauron nodded towards the truck and reached to open the door for Kashim. He
climbed into the truck and sat behind the wheel. The soldier kept staring at
them.
”That's your pilot?” he asked with a chuckle.
”The best there is”, Gauron said immediately and tapped ash off from his
cigarette. ”Put him in an AS and you can take down the whole country in a
week.”
That was a lie, of course, but the soldier seemed to ignore that. Kashim
watched as three jeeps drove towards them and stopped at the other side of the
check-point. From the first car emerged an older officer. He was quite short,
but had that air around him which caused everyone to stand in attention even if
they didn't notice it. Even Gauron kicked himself off the tire and straightened
his back.
”Should've known it was you!” Gauron yelled at the officer and his angry voice
made Kashim startle. He reached towards the glove box, which held one of the
pistols. ”No one else would be stupid enough to come here.”
The officer walked closer, spread his arms in a welcoming gesture and smiled.
Kashim sighed and let his hand drop away from the gun.
”How the fuck are you still alive, you bastard?” the officer asked with a
laughter and walked to Gauron. Kashim didn't know what to think when the men
hugged. No one ever hugged Gauron, not even Vostrikov. And Gauron only hugged
Kashim. There was a sting of some sort inside Kashim, which he didn't like at
all.
”Luck and money, my friend, luck and money”, Gauron answered and patted the
man's back.
”Well, let's get inside and you can tell me which one brought you here this
time”, the officer said and slapped Gauron to his shoulder. ”Just follow the
jeeps.”
Gauron walked back to the truck and climbed in.
”Who's he?” Kashim asked even before Gauron got to slam the door shut. Kashim
didn't like the accusatory tone his voice had just taken without even asking
his brain if he wanted to sound so offended.
”The best thing that could have happened to us”, Gauron said with a short
laughter. ”Jesus. A lucky break, finally.”
Kashim started the truck engine and drove after the jeep. For a second he felt
like he wanted to run the officer off the road. ”What's his name?”
”Alexander Borin”, Gauron answered and lit another cigarette. ”Saved his life
ages ago.”
”I don't like him”, Kashim said as they drove towards the city.
”You don't like anyone”, Gauron grunted. ”We'll be fine here. You just keep
your mouth shut if I don't tell you otherwise.”
They drove in front of an hotel and Kashim was instructed to drive the truck to
the side of the building. He left the truck with hesitation and followed
Gauron.
Granted, Kashim didn't have high expectations about the Russian army, but he
had thought it was something like an army; clean, strict and organised. Those
were the values that Kashim had been brought up to honour, even when they were
hard to maintain in the rough environment. But when they arrived to the hotel
and Kashim saw the group of soldiers, he wasn't sure what he was seeing. Even
Gauron looked cleaner than most of them! ...Actually Gauron looked extremely
clean with the shaved face.
The Russians were... random at best. None of them had identical uniforms; most
of them were missing jackets and shirts, some had green camouflage, others
plain black or green clothes. They were spread around the hotel grounds, with
their gear, old vehicles and what seemed like the insides of the hotel they
weren't happy with. The soldiers stared at them as they got out of the truck
and one of them spat in Kashim's feet from the gap between his front teeth.
Gauron didn't seem to even notice the soldiers as he walked in after the
officer, so Kashim kept his mouth shut too.
The first thing that hit Kashim's face as he stepped inside was the
overwhelming stench of opium smoke. He had learned to recognise the sweet smell
and knew that it never meant anything good. Instinctively he took few faster
steps to get closer to Gauron. There were several, sleepy eyed and skinny
Russian soldiers around the hotel lobby.
Kashim followed the officer and Gauron to the second floor and into one of the
hotel suites. The once expensive tabletops were now covered in weapons,
ammunition and maps.
”You seem to be doing well”, Gauron said finally and took one of the clips into
his hand. He glanced at the officer. ”I mean, being able to take it easy like
this.”
”We had few nasty fights last week, lost some men”, the officer said as he sat
down to one of the armchairs. ”I was hoping that no one else would be coming
here, but it seems I was being too optimistic.”
Gauron chuckled and tossed the clip back on the table. ”If you think you can
keep this town all to yourself with a crew like that, you're delusional. In few
weeks the streets will be swimming with soldiers and mercenaries, local and
other. I've seen whole armies being wiped from the face of the Earth over this
city.”
The officer took a cigarette, lit it lazily and spread his arms. “What am I
supposed to do? I was stationed here and if I don't get any reinforcements...”
he snorted. “Like I gave a shit. When they come rolling in, I'm not here to see
it.”
Gauron kept eyeing the officer with a faint smile on his lips. He walked around
the room, looking and touching the gear around him. “I have two AS'”, he
reminded. “They won't be enough alone, but it would give you a head start.
Might solve the whole issue, if used correctly.”
The officer laughed and propped his feet on the table. “Oh please, like we
could afford your bills. Look around you! We barely have enough food to keep us
going.”
Gauron turned towards the officer like a snake and his grin flashed more
visibly this time. “Oh, don't worry about the cost, I'm sure we can work
something out.”
The officer was silent for a moment. He tapped his cigarette and watched the
ash fall to the floor. “You only had one truck. Where's the other AS?”
“In a safe place”, Gauron answered.
“We don't have any extra pilots for it.”
“Doesn't matter, Kashim's my pilot anyway.”
The officer turned his eyes to Kashim the second time, with even more doubt and
questions than the first time. His mouth had dropped open, the cigarette
hanging from his lower lip. “That runt?”
Gauron glanced at Kashim with a satisfied smile. “He's better than anyone
you've ever seen.”
The officer snorted and continues smoking. “And when he doesn't have the 50
tons of steel to protect him? Jesus, I could snap him in two.”
Gauron let out a laughter. “Put him against your best man, I dare you.”
“It seems he already did something along that line”, the officer said and
stared at Kashim's bruised face.
“He's good to go”, Gauron assured. “With me and him you can start packing the
fields up tomorrow, before anyone else gets here. That's a certain promotion
for you. Gets you the fuck out of this country forever.”
The officer fell silent again. Clearly he didn't believe everything Gauron was
saying, but enough to make him think about it. “Let's talk about it more
tomorrow. I have few phone calls to make and other shit to do. There's free
rooms on the upper floors and food in the kitchen, help yourself.”
“Always do”, Gauron said with a grin.
**
“I don't like this place”, Kashim admitted, as they walked up the stairs with
their back packs.
“Why not?” Gauron asked.
“It smells.”
“It's just the hop they're smoking.”
Kashim frowned at the man. “I know. That's what I don't like.”
Gauron snorted and kept climbing up. “You've seen it being smoked before.
There's nothing to worry about. It just makes them slow and mellow, better that
than vodka.”
Kashim grunted. “I still don't like it.”
“Come on”, Gauron laughed and pulled Kashim next to him, throwing his arm over
Kashim's shoulders. “I'll keep you safe from the bad men.”
Kashim glanced at the man and shrugged the arm off. “It's you I'm worried
about. You'll start to smoke it too.”
Gauron turned his eyes to Kashim. “So? You don't like it?”
“You'll get all weird.”
“It's called relaxed. You should try it sometime.”
Kashim didn't bother answering, he had said over and over again that he didn't
want to be anything like Gauron.
They took a room from the fourth floor and tossed the back packs to the double
bed. Kashim walked to the window and stared at the mostly ruined city. “Where
do you think Vostrikov and Weber are?”
“Outside the city. Or back in some village. They'll be fine”, Gauron grunted
and sat down to take off his boots.
“Vostrikov can't come here”, Kashim said and watched as another pillar of smoke
started to creep up from the other side of the city.
“Believe me, he's more than fine with that.” Gauron tossed his boots to the
floor and rolled his cracking shoulders. “You up for some fighting soon?”
Kashim felt his heart jump out of excitement and he turned swiftly around.
“Yes”, he said, sounding almost desperate.
Gauron laughed and continued taking off his gear. “We'll be at it for a while
once we start. They know shit about fighting with AS', so the whole weight will
be on us. “
“I'm ready”, Kashim insisted and felt like he was about to explode from the
waiting. It had been ages since he had had the chance to go to a combat.
“We'll get your AS here tomorrow, so you will have some time to train and get
ready.”
Kashim frowned and tensed. “Tomorrow? We can get it right now!” he barked and
walked to Gauron. “It's right there, just outside the city!” He pointed his arm
towards the window.
Gauron reached his hand forward, grabbed Kashim by his belt and pulled him
closer. “Yeah, it is. But I'd much rather be with you and take it easy.”
“For fuck's sake! We've taken it easy for months! Ever since the fucking
Singapore!” Kashim shouted, but didn't try to get away from the man. It would
have been futile anyway. “I want to fight!”
Gauron kept laughing and fell backwards to the bed, pulling Kashim on top of
him. “And you will, my little angel of death, you will”, he mumbled and lifted
his head to kiss Kashim deeply.
Kashim opened his mouth and closed his eyes with a sigh. Fucking had become a
bother lately, but not much else. It had started to feel good and Kashim wasn't
sure what to think about it. Maybe it was all for the best. If Gauron liked to
fuck him, there wouldn't be any need to go and find any more civilian kids.
Gauron moved his hands to Kashim's ass and pulled him tighter against himself
with a satisfied grunt. “You like that?”
“Yeah”, Kashim answered, even when he didn't know what Gauron actually meant,
his mouth still against Gauron's. But it seemed to please the man. He grabbed
Kashim's ass tighter and let out another mumble.
“It's been awhile since I really fucked you.” Gauron's hands pushed themselves
down Kashim's pants and underneath the layers of clothes.
“It's not my fault”, Kashim huffed and was met with a hearty laugh.
“Oh God, how much I love your jealousy”, Gauron chuckled as his hands started
stripping Kashim of his clothes. “It took one look at me with someone else to
make you realise how much you love me?”
There it was again; love. The most meaningless word Kashim had ever learned. It
meant absolutely nothing and still it seemed to be all that there was. Love;
keeping someone safe and wanting to be with them. Not wanting anything bad to
happen to them. No, Kashim didn't love Gauron. But he knew better than to say
it out loud.
“I don't want you to be with anyone else”, Kashim decided to say and let Geuron
pull his shirt off.
“Now you know how I feel”, Gauron said and settled back down, his hand
wandering on Kashim's bare chest. “Why it made me so fucking angry to see you
with Geary.”
“We didn't—”
“I don't give a fuck”, Gauron interrupted and moved his hands to Kashim's
thighs and started to open his pants. “You're here with me now and that's all
that matters.” Gauron sat up, yanking Kashim's pants down. After a moment of
tumbling and wrestling Kashim was sitting on top of the man, naked. Gauron kept
staring at him and smoothing his back. “Did you bring the lube with you?”
For some reason, talking about that still made Kashim blush. Even more so, when
he had actually thought about it when they had left the others. Kashim had
intentionally left all the “toys” behind, but had spent some time searching for
the lube. He nodded to the man.
“Good. Go get it”, Gauron said and slapped Kashim's ass.
Once Kashim got up, Gauron started to take his clothes off too. For a second
Kashim stood there and wondered how it was possible for Gauron to look even
bigger without his clothes. He looked like he took the whole double bed for
himself. With a slight hesitation Kashim walked back to the bed with the lube
and passed it to the man.
“I'm not up for anything slow this time. Can you handle that?”
Kashim froze to his spot. What did that mean? Not anything slow? It meant 'not
anything good'. Gauron raised his eyebrows and smeared some of the lube on his
already hard cock. Kashim was about to say, that he didn't want this. Not like
this. But Gauron hadn't asked anything about wanting or liking, he had asked if
Kashim could handle it.
Instead of answering, Kashim just got on the bed as unenthusiastic as he could
and sat next to the man.
Gauron chuckled and pressed Kashim down on his back by his throat. “I love it
when you pout”, he said and pressed his mouth hard against Kashim's, the hand
still gripping Kashim's throat. When Kashim opened his mouth to kiss the man
back, Gauron suddenly pulled back. “No”, he said and grinned to Kashim's
confused look. “Don't do that.” Gauron's hand petted Kashim's hair and moved
from there to grip his jaw. “I want you to struggle. Like you wanted to get
away.” As the frown between Kashim's brows got deeper, Gauron's smile widened.
“I don't want you to fight like you mean it, just... make it difficult for me.”
Kashim was so confused about the instructions, which were the exact opposite he
had ever heard, that he had to ask. “Why?”
Gauron chuckled some more. “Because I like it.”
“But...” Kashim started and tried to see the reason behind it all. “You will
hit me!” Kashim insisted with even more disturbed look on his face.
Gauron pressed his face against Kashim's neck and his hand gripped the dark
hair with a painful force. “If I do, I won't do it hard. Now do as you're
told.”
The man kissed Kashim's neck and swirled his tongue on the skin. Kashim laid
there too confused to move and tried to recollect the instructions. Not to
fight, but to struggle, to make this difficult for Gauron.
Kashim's hands trembled as he slowly lifted them up and pressed them against
Gauron's shoulders. With a tentative move he forced the strength up from his
biceps and pushed against Gauron.
“Good”, Gauron immediately sighed and grazed Kashim's neck with his teeth.
“Harder. Tell me to stop. In Dari.”
Kashim stared at the ceiling, like it could share his bafflement and pushed
Gauron's shoulders harder. “Stop it”, he said quietly in Dari language. It felt
weird, since it had been years since they had talked either in Pashto or Dari
to each other.
“That's my boy”, Gauron praised and moved his hands to Kashim's side. “Make
this difficult for me”, he reminded.
Kashim snorted quietly and moved his hand away from Gauron's shoulder and on to
his hand, to stop it from touching him. Gauron chuckled and wrestled his hand
free, before gripping Kashim by his wrist and pressing it against the mattress.
“Keep going. Harder”, Gauron said with a nasty glint in his eyes.
Kashim still didn't know why they were doing this and he knew this wouldn't end
with anything good. If he kept fighting, Gauron would eventually get mad and
Kashim didn't want that. He was still sore from the earlier beating. But it
felt like Gauron would get mad too, if Kashim kept questioning him. There was
no way for him to win.
With his free hand Kashim hit against Gauron's, to let go of his wrist, but
that just ended with Kashim's both hands against the mattress. Tensing his
muscles made Kashim feel almost nauseous. It was like all those times when
Gauron had first started to have sex with him. And kind of like when he had
brought in the civilian boy...
Kashim felt something inside him sink and turn black. That's what this was
about. To make this feel like it had with Kashim earlier, like it had felt with
the boy. Gauron wanted it to hurt.
It shouldn't have been a surprise, but it somehow was. The last times with
Gauron had been so good and Kashim had thought it was because he had learned to
be the way Gauron wanted. He had wanted Kashim to like it, beg to be fucked.
And now that wasn't good enough either? Now Kashim had to act like he didn't
want it, beg to be let go. Jesus... Sometimes Kashim wondered if Gauron himself
knew what he wanted. Probably not.
Still, if this was what the man wanted...
Kashim brought his legs up, to give him more leverage. He tried to pull his
hands away from Gauron's grip and twist his whole body to break free. Gauron
kept murmuring his quiet praises against Kashim's neck, telling him in Dari he
was a good boy. The rock hard cock kept pressing against Kashim's thigh,
reminding him of what was still to come.
They were both already covered in sweat when Gauron suddenly got off. Kashim
tried to get up too, but only got halfway before Gauron took a hold of his
shoulder and hib bone and turned him to his stomach. The rough hands pulled
Kashim's legs apart and the man settled behind him.
There wasn't much for Kashim to do at that point without fighting for real. He
still tried to struggle away, close his legs and get Gauron to loosen his grip
on Kashim's body. Once he almost succeeded in getting away to lie on his side,
but then came a hard and painful slap across his buttocks. It made Kashim yelp
involuntarily and stop every movement. Gauron didn't say anything so it was
impossible to say if Kashim had done something wrong.
Gauron took both of Kashim's wrists and pressed them against his back with one
hand only. The other lifted Kashim up from his hip. “Stay still, so I don't
have to hit you again”, Gauron growled. He sounded genuinely pissed, so Kashim
stopped with his struggling and just froze in his spot.
Gauron's knee pressed against Kashim's and forced him to spread his legs even
further. A hand smoothed the spot where the slap had landed and Kashim felt the
cold trail of lube the fingers left behind.
“So smooth...” Gauron mumbled and let his finger trace along Kashim's cleft and
over his anus. Clearly the man was enjoying the shaving he did earlier.
Kashim tensed and bit back another yelp as Gauron's finger entered him. It was
slick and smooth and didn't hurt at all. Kashim sighed slightly and tried his
best to relax. Gauron pulled the finger almost out, twirled it around few times
and pushed it back in, harder and deeper. He repeated the move few more times
and Kashim felt his own erection starting to build up everytime the finger slid
out. After a moment Gauron let the finger pop out completely. He traced the
edges of Kashim's hole with his fingertip and let out a satisfied hum.
The hand left Kashim's skin and he heard the opening of the lube. Soon the
colder and wetter fingertips returned and Kashim felt the tips of two fingers
enter him, stretching his hole slightly more.
“I bet the village men have fucked your ass over and over again”, Gauron
muttered in Dari. Kashim didn't know if he was even supposed to answer
anything, so he just kept quiet. “Let's see how tight you are”, Gauron
continued and started to slowly push the fingers deeper.
Kashim's mouth opened and he breathed out at the intense feeling. It felt just
as good as before and Kashim could feel the sheet under him getting wet as his
own cock dribbled and smeared the bed.
“So tight little boy”, Gauron hummed as he stretched his fingers apart and made
Kashim shudder. “It's almost a shame to rip you apart.”
The meaning of the words hit Kashim a second too late as he felt the tip of
Gauron's cock against him. From experience Kashim knew that so little
preparation wasn't nearly enough. He tensed and tried to turn around.
“Don't..!” he said in panicked voice and tried to get his hands free. “No!”
“Good boy”, Gauron said softly and pulled Kashim's buttock apart before pushing
in.
Immediately the pain almost blinded Kashim. Even with the lube it was too much
too fast. Kashim pressed his face against the mattress and let out a muffled
cry. Gauron's hand was gripping his wrists and forcing him to stay still if he
didn't want to get his shoulder dislocated.
“That's a good boy. Keep going”, Gauron sighed and pulled himself out
excruciatingly slow.
“It hurts, Gauron”, Kashim barked in Russian, not sure if Gauron understood
that he wasn't pretending anymore.
Gauron didn't answer, but he did let go of Kashim's hands. It wasn't of much
use, since the man just dug his fingers in Kashim's hips and fucked him with
even more force. The whole bed creaked and banged like it would fall apart any
minute and Kashim saw it best just to stay still and muffle his shouts of pain
into the pillows. Gauron pulled his cock completely out few times, only to ram
the full length back inside. The familiar warm feeling trickled down Kashim's
thighs as the blood got past Gauron. The rough hands pulled Kashim's buttocks
apart and Gauron slammed himself in few more times, before starting to shake
and pant.
Kashim let out a relieved sigh as the man finally relaxed and pulled away. With
trembling muscles Kashim tried to get off the bed and into the bathroom, but
Gauron's hand was there again, on his shoulder.
“Lie down for a second”, the man said wearily. “You did good.”
Kashim sat still for a second, thinking about what to say. Or if it even was
worth the while to try and make the man understand. With his whole lower body
screaming from pain, Kashim laid down and swallowed hard as he forced his
muscles to relax. Gauron's hand smoothed his chest lazily.
“I didn't like it”, Kashim said quietly, staring at the ceiling.
“That's why it was so good”, Gauron chuckled and pulled Kashim against him.
***** Hopping around *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
It was hard to tell if the boy was really asleep or not. He was faking all
sorts of things lately. Maybe Gauron should've guessed this was going to
happen. You couldn't have kept an angel in an environment like this long enough
and expect it to remain untainted. Kashim lived and breathed war and everything
nasty that came with it. He had learned to kill and now he was learning to lie
and cheat.
Gauron sighed, got up from the bed and placed a blanket over Kashim's naked
body. Judging from the satisfied sigh he was truly sleeping. Gauron stood still
for awhile, just looking at him.
Old.
That's what Kashim was becoming. Old and very inconvenient. Hell, the kid had
scared the shit out of him with all the talk about killing him in cold blood.
Mainly because Gauron knew all too well that Kashim was capable and motivated
enough to do what the hell he wanted. Gauron hadn't taught him to respect laws
or morals, so it really wasn't any use to try and talk to him about the right
things to do. The boy lived in the moment and made his decisions based on that.
He was a fucking time-bomb and now he had started to tick.
Gauron let the boy sleep and took a quick shower before heading downstairs. His
mood didn't improve with the sight of the doped up soldiers. Gauron had never
had anything against a night out or a casual little holiday, but Jesus... This
had clearly been going on for months, no matter what they said themselves. Some
of the “soldiers” were so skinny and hollow-cheeked that it was hard to believe
they were still alive.
Alexander Borin, the commanding officer, was a total fuck-up himself. No wonder
he had been dumped into this hell hole. Gauron had met him when they both had
been young and new to this war. Gauron had been tracing a group of local
guerrillas and finished them off to get his hands on their gear. It had been
nothing but luck that Borin had been their hostage and survived it all. When
the man had assumed Gauron was there only to save him, Gauron hadn't corrected
a word of it. It was always good to have people owing you. They had met few
times after that and Gauron had been nothing but a trustworthy friend to the
man.
Getting promoted to an officer didn't have anything to do with talent in
Borin's case. He had some distant relation to some high-up asshole in Kremlin
and with that kind of baggage it was only a matter of time, before they planted
a title on you and blamed you for their own mistakes... Poor Borin didn't have
a clue what the fuck it was he was supposed to be doing. And it showed.
Gauron walked around the first floor of the hotel, taking mental notes about
the soldiers, their habits, weapons and gear as well as the smaller groups they
had formed. There wasn't anything surprising. The weapons were ok; nothing
more, nothing less. The rest of the gear was mostly shit. The older soldiers
were interacting only with each other and had snatched all the best equipment
too. The younger ones had scraped together everything else. No matter the age
or rank, almost all of them were high on opium or something made from it. Some
were sleeping it off.
From experience Gauron knew the Ruskies weren't as interested in the actual
rules and regulations of the army as they were in their own privileges and
putting everyone else to their place. They were quick to discipline and usually
you didn't have to beat anyone twice. There didn't seem to be any of that
around this hotel. Everyone was in their own group, but they were nevertheless
getting along. Maybe it was just the hop, it was difficult to tell.
Gauron planted his ass in the middle of a card game a few petty officers were
playing. They stopped slamming the cards and took a moment to stare at him.
Gauron took one of the smokes the men were using as chips and lit it.
“Deal me in”, he said in Russian and was handed some cards. After an hour and a
half, Gauron knew everything there was to know about them and the situation in
the city. It wasn't half as bad as he had feared.
Borin's orders were to keep the city central from falling into the hands of the
Mujahideen. Gauron didn't know why the hell anyone would want the city when all
the money was on the fields around it. Shit... Keeping the city... What a load
of bullshit. Gauron would set things straight here tomorrow.
“The boy you came with...”
Gauron turned his eyes from the cards to one of the soldiers sitting opposite
him. “Yeah?”
“Is he Chinese or something?”
Gauron shrugged and picked out one of his cards to place to the table. “Don't
know. He might be Japanese”, he said and leaned back in his chair, tapping some
of the ash from his cigarette to the floor. “Picked him from the streets years
ago. Good fighter. Hell of a killer in an AS.”
The soldier nodded silently. “Yeah, I believe you. He looks... fit.”
Gauron immediately moved his eyes back to the soldier, but he seemed to be
really interested in his cards all of a sudden. Gauron kept staring at him for
a good while. He knew how these things went. They probably had two or three cum
dumpsters in a group of this size. It was a long tradition with the Russian
army and with all the time off and all the hop you could smoke... Hell, it was
a wonder they weren't having some kind of orgy right here and now.
“He is”, Gauron ended up saying. “Extremely.” There was a faint smile on the
officer's lips, but still he didn't meet Gauron's stare. “He's on the fourth
floor if you want to see for yourself.” Gauron had to admit he wasn't entirely
sure why he had said it. Maybe the thought of Kashim ripping his throat out was
amusing, maybe it was more amusing to think Kashim underneath a dozen of Ruskie
soldiers. The little shit would have deserved that anyway, after all the death
threats and shit... Kashim should have been nothing but grateful for every
fucking day Gauron let him hang around and stay alive.
The officer finally looked up at him. Gauron just cocked his eyebrows silently
and kept playing.
“You don't mind?” the officer asked.
Gauron shrugged again. “Why would I? I sure have fucked him so many times it's
getting boring.”
The officer glanced at the others and then stood up, setting his cards down.
“Well, then... Don't mind if I do.”
Gauron kept staring at his cards and concentrating in the game. He didn't seem
to have any luck today. What the fuck was he supposed to do with a pair of
threes?
It took maybe five minutes or less, before Gauron spotted movement in the
stairs. The officer walked back down, holding his hand on his face. There was
blood gushing from underneath his hand and the man didn't seem at all pleased.
He didn't come back to the card table, but instead sneaked somewhere more
private to lick his wounds. Gauron chuckled under his breath. Oh, that
Kashim...
Gauron waited a good half an hour before standing up from the table and taking
few of the joints with him.
Kashim wasn't sleeping anymore. He had his pants on and he was on the floor,
doing push-ups. Gauron stared at the muscles flexing on his arms, back and
shoulder blades. Jesus, a kid could really be fit.
“You're up”, Gauron observed.
Kashim let out an incoherent mutter and kept exercising.
Gauron walked around him and sat on the creaky table in front of the window.
“You should come downstairs and meet the others.”
“Already met one”, Kashim said through gritted teeth.
“Really?” Gauron asked, trying to sound genuinely surprised.
“Uh-huh”, the boy grunted.
Gauron kept his eyes on a small droplet of sweat, rolling down Kashim's back.
“I thought you might be sore, so I brought you a smoke.”
Kashim let out a snort and didn't even look at Gauron. “Not interested.”
“You're not sore?” Gauron asked surprised. When the boy didn't answer, Gauron
stood up and walked next to Kashim. He dropped his boot heavily straight on
Kashim's ass and was rewarded with a beautifully restrained yelp of pain.
“Doesn't sound like it.”
Kashim stayed face down on the floor, gritting his teeth. “I'm fine”, he said
tensely.
Gauron groaned and lifted his boot. Kashim sat up winching. “It's a fucking
painkiller, it won't turn you into some fucking monster. Stop being such a
miserable wuss.”
Kashim stood up and looked at him. He was little out of breath and just reeking
of sweat and sex. “I think we should go and get the other AS now that there's
time.”
Gauron cast a bored look on the boy. “Now? You want to go and get it now? It's
like... ten pm or something.”
“We could start practising first thing in the morning.”
Gauron sighed and weighted the boy's suggestion. Of course he needed to get the
AS at some point, but tonight hadn't really been on his mind. Gauron had
already decided to take it easy and concentrate on work tomorrow. Or maybe day
after that, depending on how good a high this stuff could get you. He had all
sorts of plans for tonight and none of them included any fucking AS'. “Smoke
it”, he said finally, in calm and quiet tone. Kashim's hand was reaching for
his shirt. “That's an order.”
Kashim's face dropped and his hand stopped in mid-air. Soon the confusion was
replaced by annoyance. “What does it matter to you if I smoke it or not? It's
not you who's hurting.”
“Jesus”, Gauron hissed. He walked to Kashim, placed his palm on the boy's cheek
and peered down into his eyes. “You think I don't care how you feel? If you're
hurting or not? Of course I do.” He frowned at Kashim's blank expression. “I've
never wanted anything but the best for you.”
Kashim slapped his hand lazily away and took his shirt from the bed. The
ignoring movement hurt more than Gauron would have liked to admit.
“Ungrateful piece of shit”, Gauron mumbled. “I've devoted my whole fucking life
to you and you don't even give a shit. Should've just left you to rot on the
street.”
Once he got his T-shirt on, Kashim turned his eyes to Gauron. “Why didn't you?”
the boy asked, sounding more curious than accusatory.
“What?” Gauron grunted.
“Why did you take me with you? I've never seen you take anyone else after me.
Why me?” Kashim asked with a frown.
Gauron felt his face relax as soon as the memories came back to him. “I don't
know. I just... liked you.”
“Did you want to fuck me?”
It never ceased to amaze Gauron how toneless Kashim could be when he talked
about different things. The same fucking tone of voice, no matter if they were
discussing about cooking the breakfast, burning corpses or fucking. The same
emotionless, cold grey eyes. It was simply impossible to tell what the boy was
actually thinking.
Gauron thought about denying everything, but then just decided to shrug. “Not
really. If I had, I would have fucked you, believe me.” He kept staring at the
boy. “You were tough. I liked it. I thought you deserved a chance.”
They stared at each other in silence.
“Should I thank you?” Kashim asked, again without a blink or any suggestion
whether he was just making a joke or if he was pissed or whatever.
“I guess we're past that”, Gauron said and held out the cigarette towards
Kashim. “Now, not to be an asshole or anything, but we did make a deal,
remember?” Kashim's face held an expression for a second or two. It had been
grim. “You do as I tell you and I won't do bad things to small boys. Right?
Right. Smoke the fucking thing.”
Kashim stayed still another moment, but reached his hand out finally and took
the smoke. “I thought it was only about the sex things...” he muttered and
turned the cigarette in his hand like it was a venomous animal ready to attack.
“No, it was about everything”, Gauron corrected and placed the cigarette on
Kashim's lips and lighting it. “Take a deep breath, slowly.”
**
Gauron doubted he himself would have even gotten a high from one cigarette, but
Kashim was of course new to this stuff. He sat on the edge of the bed, smoked
two cigarettes with less and less annoyance, the muscles in his shoulders
slowly relaxing after every slow breath.
The change was intoxicating to witness. How his stone cold greyness melted away
against something much softer and warmer. How a emotionless mercenary turned
into a nonchalant civilian boy. The soft and flowery opium smoke swirled in
Kashim's eyes and even thought there was a fight going on inside him, the
killer was quickly losing. The boy sat on the bed, staring into somewhere
Gauron couldn't see.
As Gauron leaned over Kashim and kissed him, he was rewarded with passive lips,
but a skin so hot it almost burned his hands. Normally so rigid and edgy,
Kashim now seemed to lose every muscle in his body, practically melting
backwards until he was between the mattress and Gauron.
Gauron pushed the dark hair out of the boy's eyes and grinned at the lethargic
expression. “How does it feel?”
“What?” Kashim tried to frown, but even that failed, only causing him to blink
rather slowly.
“Are you hurting still?” Gauron decided to specify.
Kashim tossed his head from one side to other. “Nah... Feels... okay.”
“Good”, Gauron mused and got up from the bed. “Let's go downstairs and meet the
others.” He took Kashim by the arm and hoisted him up on his feet. The boy
swayed like a straw on the wind and Gauron decided it best to support him on
the way out.
“We should really get the.. arm slave”, Kashim mumbled as he tried to decide
which one of the steps in the stairs were there and which weren't.
“Soon. Let's just go and sit with the others first”, Gauron said and escorted
Kashim to the lobby.
The party had just started, and now most of the soldiers were awake. The
ceiling had a thick coat of smoke and there simply wasn't a table that didn't
held at least one bottle of vodka on it. That all would have been fine, but on
top of that someone had found a cassette player and now the lobby was nothing
but a cacophony of shouting, singing and something that the soldiers clearly
were thinking as music. No one was dancing yet, so they were probably just
starting. Gauron dragged Kashim to one of the tables and shoved him to a chair.
The officers looked at the boy and then Gauron.
“Kashim, everyone. Everyone, Kashim”, Gauron introduced. “He would like to have
few smokes more.”
Kashim leaned back in his chair with a frown and pushed Gauron's hand off his
shoulder. “'m fine.”
“You two playing?” asked the soldier holding a pack of cards. Another one was
offering Kashim a rolled up cigarette.
“Sure”, Gauron said and took the smoke Kashim refused. He lit the tip and took
the first smoke, before passing the joint to Kashim. “Smoke it”, he ordered and
glanced around. “Borin here?”
The soldiers shook their heads. “Never is. That prick doesn't give a shit about
his men. Hides in his room all day and all night”, one of them muttered.
“He's a fucking joke”, other one said with a laugh. “A puppet.” The man lifted
his hand to his temple. “Sawdust in the head and everything.”
Gauron laughed with them. “He's in his room right now?”
“For sure”, the man spat.
“I'll go have a word with him”, Gauron decided and stood up. He planted his
hand heavily on Kashim's shoulder as the boy tried to get up and follow him.
“No. You stay here and have some fun for a change.” He slapped Kashim's
shoulder once more. “Keep him smoking, makes him easier to handle”, he said to
the other soldiers before leaving.
Borin was in his suite. He was staring at his maps with a half-empty vodka
bottle and what seemed like a loaded pistol next to him.
“Too early to shoot yourself just yet”, Gauron said as he walked in and closed
the door after him.
Borin let out a desperate laugh. “I don't know. It starts to look like a good
option at this point.”
Gauron snorted and sat in a chair in front of the table. He stared at Borin for
a moment, the man stared back. “I'll get you out of this mess, don't worry
about it.”
There was a wave of relief on Borin's face, like he had just taken his first
proper breath in months. He leaned heavily forward and took a trembling breath,
his face hid in his palms. “I'm scared shitless. Everyone knows we're here to
die.” The man looked back up and there were fucking tears in his eyes. Gauron
remained impassive, even when he was somewhat disgusted by what he saw. “If I
don't die on the field, one of them is going to slit my throat in my sleep.”
Borin's face took a grim shade. “I haven't slept properly in weeks”, he said in
somewhat manic voice.
Gauron stood up to fill the man's glass. He picked up the glass and held it
towards Borin, the man emptied the shot in one gulp. “I'll fix it”, Gauron
repeated calmly and walked around the room to find himself a glass. “I'll get
my other AS tomorrow, we gather up some work force and start the harvest. This
all will be over in a week's time. You have nothing to worry about.”
“I just...” Borin shook his head. “My orders are to keep the centre and--”
“That's only because someone else is planning on coming here and taking all the
credit. There's no need to wait for that. You have the men and the fire power.”
Gauron walked back to table and set his glass on it. Borin poured him a shot
and grinned sheepishly.
“And now I have the strategic too.”
Gauron cocked his head and raised his glass towards Borin with a smile. What a
pathetic limp-dick.
He drank the shot and dragged his chair next to the table. “So, let me show you
what I had in mind.” Gauron turned the map around while Borin filled both of
their glasses.
**
Gauron brought the cigarette to his lips and stared at the map in front of him.
It had different coloured lines and circles everywhere, along with intricate
plans on how to secure the sides and how to defend against different types of
attacks. Borin swayed next to him, blinking slowly and then slamming his hand
on Gauron's back.
“You're a fucking genius”, the man slurred.
Gauron shrugged. “We could use two more arm slaves, here and here, but I guess
we'll manage.”
“We'll be fine. Now”, Borin said and kept patting Gauron's back. “Without you
I'd be fucked.”
“You'll learn”, Gauron said, mainly to shut the man up before he decided to
start confessing his fears again. He sat down on Borin's chair and took out his
last smoke. “You just need to earn the respect of your men. It all starts
there.”
“Easy for you to say”, Borin groaned, spreading his arms. He picked up the
ridiculously large uniform cap from the table and twirled it in his hands.
“I've been trying to get out for years, but I always end up in deeper shit.” He
lifted his eyes to Gauron. “You're fucking made for this. Look at you!” the man
laughed and walked to place the cap on Gauron's head. “You'd make it to Major
General in a fucking week and there wouldn't be anyone who wouldn't follow
you.”
Gauron took the cigarette from his mouth and sneered up to Borin. “I'd rather
shoot myself in the liver”, he grinned and sprawled further in the chair.
The silence was dragged into awkward and Gauron was about to ask what the fuck
the man was staring at. But before he could do that Borin was kneeling in front
of him, his hands on Gauron's belt.
The first reaction was to kick Borin in the face. But instead Gauron took a
long drag from the joint and leaned back. Hell, if the guy wanted to blow him
that bad, who was he to deny him.
It wasn't easy to decide if Borin sucked more at being an officer or sucking
cock. Clearly he didn't have experience from either. Gauron lowered his hand on
Borin's head and enjoyed the moment the best he could. He had brought many
officers to their knees, but not usually like this.
Of course he didn't come. Borin kept going for awhile until Gauron took a hold
of his shoulder and gave it a gentle push. The man leaned back and looked at
Gauron. “Fuck me.”
Gauron couldn't help himself, he let out a short laughter. He patted Borin's
cheek affectionately. “I think you should go to sleep.” Gauron took the hat
from his head and placed it on Borin's. “You have a big day tomorrow.”
The man was embarrassed as he stood up and then started to pretend nothing had
happened. Gauron stood up too, zipped himself up and smiled to the man. “I bet
there's someone who'd take up the offer downstairs, if you feel like it. But I
doubt it would make them respect you any more.”
“Yeah, well...” Borin grunted and waived his hand, not even looking at Gauron.
“Once you'll get your promotion, you can leave this place for good. That's
something good to think about”, Gauron said as he left the room.
The downstairs was a fucking mess. There was dancing, fighting and fucking
going on and in some places it was difficult to tell which one was in question.
One table still kept playing cards, ignoring the mess around them. Gauron
didn't have to search for long before he spotted Kashim.
At the moment he was propped up on a table and being fucked by some sergeant
about as big as Gauron himself. Judging from the crowd and their expressions
and shouts it had been going on for awhile and a few of them had already had
their turns. A younger corporal pushed himself past the others and to the other
side of the table. He gripped Kashim by the hair and shoved his cock deep into
the boy's throat.
Kashim was pretty out of it. He didn't fight back and no one was even holding
him down or restraining his hands. There was cum in his hair, on his face and
all along his ass and back.
It was strange how indifferent Gauron felt about it. He acknowledged that there
had been times when he would've taken Kashim and burned everyone else alive for
doing something like that. Now...? Gauron took himself a chair, a cigarette and
sat down, watching the show.
The brute of a sergeant cummed inside Kashim, gripping the boy's hips with such
a force it would leave bruises. The one getting his dick sucked wasn't as
pleased. Kashim started to gag too much and the corporal pulled out, slapping
Kashim's face and telling him to get a grip. Kashim's hand tried to push the
man away, but he was ignored and his hand shoved away.
“Move!” A lieutenant shoved the sergeant aside and started opening his pants.
“I want to fuck him before he's too loose”, he grunted and pushed himself in
with a satisfied sigh. Kashim jerked slightly, but clearly he wasn't in any
real pain.
Gauron leaned back and smoked the hop infused cigarette. He didn't know what he
was trying to prove and to whom. Maybe it had gone too far this time...
“Like what you see?”
Gauron turned his gaze to the private standing next to him. Skinny, young
bastard with big, blue eyes and light blonde hair; the type that was considered
pretty around here. Aka the cum dumpster. Clearly feeling a little left out at
the moment.
“Not really, but let them have their fun”, Gauron said and tapped his
cigarette.
“If you liked, we could have some fun of our own”, the boy said and slipped his
hand on Gauron's shoulder. “I'm sure your little friend will be fine.”
Gauron sighed and turned his eyes back to the boy. He wasn't ugly in any way,
but still... Gauron's eyes moved back to Kashim, who was getting another load
pumped inside of him. He wasn't Kashim. But Gauron wasn't so sure even Kashim
was Kashim any more, so much had changed.
“Come on”, the boy whined, took Gauron by his hand and started pulling him up.
“It'll be the best you've ever had, I promise.”
Gauron let himself be pulled up and followed the private to some corner of the
same lobby. Although the boy was better at the job than Borin had been, Gauron
still couldn't even get hard. The image of Kashim kept playing in his head over
and over and not in a good way.
It was his Kashim. His little Kashim, who had been a starving little mongrel on
the streets of Kabul. He had taught Kashim everything. Fucking everything!
**
“Have you ever seen someone being killed?”
The dark eyes moved to Gauron and the small shoulders shrugged. The boy
swallowed a mouthful of dried dates with difficulties. “I saw a bomb go off
once. I think some people died then.”
Gauron nodded and kept staring at the road ahead. “But not by shooting?”
The kid shook his head and stuffed another handful of dates in his mouth.
Gauron could swear Kashim had been eating non-stop ever since he climbed into
their truck few weeks ago. “What do you think that's going to feel like?”
The boy shrugged again. “I don't know.”
“Maybe you will get scared?” Gauron asked with a grin and glanced at the boy.
Immediately the passive expression changed into defiance and annoyance. “I will
not!”
“It's going to be loud and there will be blood. That scares some people, small
children especially”, Gauron teased.
“I'm not a child!” Kashim barked. “You said I was a soldier!”
“You won't be a real soldier before you've killed someone”, Gauron said and
slowed the truck down when they arrived to their camp. “Do you think you will
be up for it?”
“Sure”, Kashim said, his mouth full again.
“Good.” Gauron got out of the truck and turned to Kashim. It took some time for
him to climb down the steps and Gauron decided to speed things up by picking
the kid up from his arm pits and setting him down to the ground. “Come on.”
Vostrikov had the prisoners set up already. Four men were kneeling at the far
end of the camp, freshly dug graves open behind them. Vostrikov was guarding
them with three other soldiers, Kalashnikov's in their hands.
“Give me your pistol”, Gauron told Vostrikov and was handed the man's SIG-
Sauer. He passed the gun to Kashim. “Careful. Remember what you've been taught
about guns.”
“Don't point around”, Kashim mumbled, dead serious and took a hold of the large
gun with both of his hands.
“That's right. Now,” Gauron took his own pistol. “When you have time, like now,
you can aim carefully and make sure they will die from the first shot. Right?”
Kashim nodded and kept watching Gauron's every movement. “When you're in a
battle or in a hurry, you aim for this part, the torso”, Gauron said and made a
circle with the barrel of his pistol in front of the first prisoner. The man
was sobbing and begging even through the mouth gag. “But now we have time and
want to save bullets, so we aim to the head.” He pressed the pistol to the
forehead in front of him. “When you're about to kill someone, you never
hesitate. Never stop to think. You just do it.” Gauron pulled the trigger and
saw Kashim jump from the loud bang. The body dropped into the grave. “Your
turn.”
Kashim's mouth was pressed into a tight line as he stepped forward and lifted
the pistol against the man's head.
“Careful with the recoil”, Gauron reminded and the boy took even tighter grip
of the gun. He pulled the trigger and that was it. “There you go. Wasn't hard,
huh?”
Kashim shook his head and stared at the body in the grave. “Are they dead now?”
“Yeah”, Gauron said and held out his hand. “Let me have the gun.” He returned
the pistol to Vostrikov and kept crouching next to Kashim. “How are you
feeling?”
Kashim shrugged. “Ok.”
“Good. Let's move on then”, he said and took out his knife. It was almost as
long as Kashim's arm and was definitely wider. “Sometimes it's better to use a
knife to kill someone. Why do you think that is?”
Kashim stared at the knife and then the bodies. He shrugged. “Is it easier?”
“No”, Gauron said after a second of pondering. “I don't think it gets any
easier than shooting. What about the sound?”
Kashim's face cleared. “Oh yeah! It doesn't make any sound.”
“Not if you know what you're doing. If you do it wrong, the guy might start
screaming and blow your cover.” Gauron stood up with his knife. “Come here, so
you can see this better”, he said and gestured Kashim to come next to him. He
grabbed the next prisoner and turned him around to face the grave. He then took
a hold of the man and pressed the knife to his throat. “You won't be big enough
to do this in a while,” Gauron grunted as the man started fighting back. “But
it's good for you to see it already.” He pressed the knife deeper and slashed
the throat open. This time it was the gush of blood that made Kashim startle.
Gauron let go of the man, who toppled into his hole and kept twitching there.
“He's not dead”, Kashim observed.
“It takes a moment”, Gauron said, little out of breath. “I'll help you with the
next one. Here”, he passed the knife to Kashim and took out his pistol. Holding
the fourth man by his collar, he turned the man around and shot three bullets
in his back. “Come on”, he said to Kashim and held out his hand towards the
boy. “You have to get real close now.”
Kashim walked to them and tried to awkwardly put his hands around the head of
the writhing man. Gauron took his hands on his own and pressed the knife to the
man's throat.
“You'll have to use force now, it's tougher than you think. Go on”, Gauron
ushered. When Kashim started to put pressure on the knife, Gauron pressed the
knife further and made sure the cut was made long and deep enough. Kashim let
out a disgusted grunt as some of the blood splattered to his hands. “And let
go.” The fourth one was in. Kashim started wiping his hands to his pants.
“Yeah, it's a bit messy. But sometimes life is. It'll wash off.” He placed his
hand on the kid's shoulder. “Are you ok?”
“I liked the gun more”, the boy said, still wiping his hands slowly.
Gauron hemmed and guided the boy towards the camp. “Sometimes you have no
choice. Best to get comfortable with both ways. Now, let's see what they have
to eat around here.”
**
“Hey!”
Gauron moved his eyes back to the blue eyed twink as he slapped Gauron to the
chest. “What?” he growled.
“Forget it”, the boy spat and got up from where he had been kneeling in front
of Gauron. “You could've just said you don't want it.”
The boy left and Gauron didn't argue. He stayed in his seat, in the corner of
the lobby and watched as one by one every one of them fucked Kashim. At the end
even the twink was there, the older soldiers giving him instructions and
laughing their asses off. Gauron stood up somewhere around three and went
upstairs to sleep. Alone.
Chapter End Notes
     So. Should I continue with Gauron's POV in the next chapter? Yes/No?
***** Maxim *****
Kashim woke up feeling worse than in a long time. He was covered in cold sweat,
freezing and nauseated. On top of that he had been sleeping on his right arm,
which was now totally numb. He sat up and another limp arm dropped down from
his waist. The strangest thing was how skinny and light the arm was. Kashim
stared at it for a long time, trying to figure out how on earth his own arm
could fall off like that. And then it hit him; it wasn't his arm. And it wasn't
Gauron's arm either. Kashim turned his head to see a naked, blonde boy sleeping
next to him.
The hell...
He looked around himself.
Morning rituals. Hungover, lazy, slow morning rituals. People were getting up,
eating, setting up their gear, talking about what kind of morning shits they
had taken... Pretty normal. Except... the...
Kashim looked at the boy again. The blondie woke up and stretched his arms.
“'Morning”, he said with a yawn and a wide smile. “Slept well?”
There was vomit forming somewhere just below Kashim's throat. He tried to tell
himself that he didn't remember anything from last night.
That was a blatant lie. And even if he hadn't remembered, the dull ache all
over his body was a sure reminder. Without a word Kashim pushed himself to his
feet and used a good minute to try and locate his clothes. When he couldn't
find any, he just snapped someone else's pants from the floor next to him and
pulled them on. They were huge and made walking difficult as hell, but Kashim
made it outside fast enough so he didn't throw up inside the hotel.
Staring at the pile of whatever had been in his stomach Kashim recollected
every moment of the night. The hop, Gauron giving one of his bullshit lectures
about life... There were some blank spaces in there, thank the gods... But at
some point someone had started to touch his shoulders, kiss his neck, talking
about sex and Kashim clearly remembered thinking; “oh what the hell”.
What the hell?!
What the hell had been wrong with him? The opium? Kashim wiped his sweaty
forehead with a shaky hand and then leaned it heavily against the outer wall of
the hotel. How could he have done something like that out of his own will?
“Heyyy! Kashim!”
Kashim opened his eyes to stare at the wall but didn't turn around. He didn't
recognize the Russian voices.
“Great show last night!”
That made Kashim crane his neck just enough to see two men walking towards the
front door. The one talking was also grinning. That wasn't the thing that made
Kashim freeze. It was the other man, slightly behind the first one. The second
man was tall, dark and burly, much like Gauron, but his eyes were mellow and
his movements calm and relaxed. He stared into Kashim's eyes and Kashim
remembered kissing the man last night. He had wrapped his arms around that man
and begged him never to let go. They had stared into each others eyes and
Kashim had thought that this could be the man to get him away from everything.
He had clawed the man's muscular back and pulled him closer.
The men kept walking and soon disappeared inside. Kashim stood still and kept
staring at the empty yard in front of him. It took forever to gather enough
courage to walk in and while avoiding eye contact with anyone climb the stairs
to the fourth floor.
Gauron was standing in front of a mirror, his back towards the door. He was
fresh out of the shower, not an inkling of hangover anywhere. He was wearing a
Russian officer's uniform and was finishing tying the tie around his neck.
Their eyes met through the mirror, but even after several seconds neither of
them said anything.
Kashim walked into the shower and just stood under the cold water, not really
trying to get cleaner. What the hell had happened?
Everything he remembered was inconsistent and hazy. He remembered not giving a
shit, but at the same time he remembered telling someone to stop and pushing
them away. He remembered the man from the yard and how he had enjoyed being
close to him. And still he remembered walking away from him and hitting him
when he tried to stop Kashim. He remembered the blonde boy, hugging him while
Kashim cried. He remembered that life had never felt shittier and that mostly
people had just laughed at him.
“You need to go and get Weber and the other AS.”
Kashim opened his eyes under the waterfall and stared at the cracked, grey
tiles in front of him. Gauron was clearly standing in the doorway and staring
at him. Kashim didn't reply, just kept leaning his hands to the wall.
“We'll have a three day practice while the Ruskies gather enough people to
harvest the crop and then it's show time.”
“Right”, he said and turned the faucet off. There was a damp towel hanging on
the wall which Kashim took to dry his hair. He wrapped the towel around his
waste and walked to the doorway and Gauron, but the man didn't budge. Kashim
kept his eyes on the man's chest, just waiting.
Nothing.
“What?” Kashim asked, as chilly as he could, not bothering to raise his eyes.
“Had fun last night?” Gauron asked. His tone was a strange mix of anger and
mock.
Kashim took a moment to think of his answer and then just decided to go with a
shrug. “Sure.”
Gauron let out a snort and shifted his weight. “You're fucking disgusting. You
know that, right?”
“Right”, Kashim replied and sighed. “Is that all?”
“It's time for you to act like the soldier you are”, Gauron growled.
Kashim couldn't help himself. He laughed. A short, desperate and dry hackle.
“Me?” He shoved Gauron's chest with his hand. “Get the fuck off my face”, he
growled.
The hand had barely touched Gauron's chest when it was already gripped tight
and another large hand seized Kashim's upper arm. The boy landed on the floor
on his stomach and a knee pressed between his shoulder blades to keep him right
there.
“You want to break our deal?” Gauron asked sharply. “You want to fuck around,
that's fine by me. But don't think I won't do the same then.”
Kashim let out another laughter against the dirty floor. “For fuck's sake.
Don't try and put this on me. You forced me to smoke the hop.”
The grip tightened and Kashim winced, hoping his shoulder wouldn't pop out of
it's socket. “I smoke it all the time, but you don't see me being fucked by the
whole Soviet army!”
“Maybe you're too ugly for them?” Kashim had said before he could stop himself.
There was deep silence and then Gauron loosened his grip and chuckled. “Get the
fuck up”, he said with lighter tone and stood up himself. “Go get the AS and
get back here.”
Kashim got up from the floor and caught the clothes Gauron tossed at him. “I
think I hurt more than yesterday”, he groaned, while thinking about sitting in
the AS for several days.
“And I should be feeling sorry for you? After that whoring?” Gauron asked with
a snort. “Get the fuck out of my sight.”
Kashim put on the Soviet uniform and went downstairs. Again avoiding every
possible eye contact he made it outside and to their truck. His hand reached
the handle of the truck door. The metal had heated in the morning sun.
“You're leaving?”
Kashim turned his head and saw again the dark man from last night. He didn't
even know his name and didn't bother answering. He opened the door, got in and
attempted to shut the door after him, but the man stepped forward and slammed
his hand against the truck door, forcing it to remain open. Kashim straightened
himself and stared at the man.
“Where are you going?”
“I'm getting my AS”, Kashim said more quietly than he had meant. For some
reason the man made him feel nervous.
“Did Gauron order you to do that?”
Kashim frowned at the question, but still nodded.
The man lowered his eyes to the ground for a moment and then lifted them back
up to Kashim. “I got the impression last night that you were done following his
orders.”
Kashim felt his face blush. He gritted his teeth and managed to keep the eye
contact. “I don't remember much about yesterday”, he lied.
“Do you remember me?” the man asked and Kashim wasn't sure if he was about to
grin or not. He was so expressionless that it was hard to say what he was
thinking. When Kashim didn't answer, the man turned his head slightly. “You hit
me, you remember that?” he asked and pointed at the light bruise on his cheek.
“No”, Kashim lied again and glanced at the hotel. “I need to get going.”
The man glanced at the hotel too, but didn't remove his hand from the door.
“Are you afraid of him?”
“No”, Kashim said impatiently. “I really need to--”
“Last night you told us Gauron will kill all of us after the hop is sold.”
“Last night I did a lot of things I don't normally do. That doesn't mean I
meant any of it”, Kashim snapped, when cold sweat started gathering on his skin
once more. Had he said something like that? To another group none the less? Had
he betrayed his own commanding officer in such a ground breaking way? It seemed
very possible and the man probably had very little reason to lie about
something like that.
“You cried”, the man said quietly. “And you were begging us to shoot him,
because you couldn't do it.”
Kashim's eyes grew wider and he decided to end the discussion then and there.
He took a hold of the steering wheel and kicked the man's arm away from the
door. He slammed the door close and started the engine. The man kept staring at
him as Kashim drove off.
Thrice Kashim had to stop on the way to hurl. When he finally reached the
village they had left, he felt sore and half-dead. The bouncing drive along the
crappy dirt road didn't make sitting any easier.
Weber was sitting on the front porch of the same house they had occupied,
smoking a cigarette. He grinned and waved at Kashim as he drove to the house.
“Whaddap Kashiminski!” the man greeted and got up. Once Kashim got out of the
truck, Weber's expression darkened. “Jesus. What happened?”
Kashim ignored the words and glanced at the truck next to the house. “Gauron
needs the AS, and you. Now.” No way was he going to tell Weber about anything
that had happened in the hotel. It was painful to think that he would probably
find everything out once there, but then Kashim could just pretend not to hear
their talks and see their expressions. Like he had done every day since Gauron
had attacked him the first time.
Vostrikov walked to the open doorway and nodded a greeting to Kashim. “They're
Russians?”
“Yeah”, Kashim answered and shrugged then. “Gauron didn't say anything about
you.”
Vostrikov returned the shrug and didn't seem the least offended. “It's fine.
Tell him I'll be in Kabul if he needs me. The usual place.”
Kashim nodded and waited as Weber went inside to get his gear. Vostrikov kept
smoking and then walked closer to Kashim. “You ok?” the man asked.
“Yeah”, Kashim said with a painfully dry and raspy sigh. He felt a knot in his
throat and had to keep his eyes on the front door of the house. Vostrikov's
eyes were too focused on him that Kashim could hide anything from him. He
frowned deeper and tried to remain calm.
“Try to get out with the Russians, if it's possible”, Vostrikov said and kept
smoking. “They're a bunch of assholes, but you're better off with them than
with Gauron.”
Kashim had to smile joylessly and snort at that. “You sure?”
Vostrikov picked up Kashim's tone and tensed slightly. “Did something happen
with them?”
This time Kashim turned his eyes to the older man. He felt tired to his bones
and didn't feel like breaking into a cry anymore. Vostrikov's capability to
pretend he didn't know what happened around him, or the talent to ignore it
all, was getting amazing. “What the fuck do you care?” Kashim said.
The man grimaced. “Jesus, Kashim...”
Kashim waved his hand to brush the man and his comments off. “Jesus this and
jesus that”, he snorted. “Don't bother acting like you care when you don't.
It's annoying.”
Their discussion ended as Weber came out with his gear. Kashim told the blond
man to follow him and got in his truck. Vostrikov stayed by the truck and
stared at him with the same dark expression as the Russian man had done at the
hotel. Kashim glanced at him once and drove off.
When Kashim stopped the truck for the first time and doubled over to gag by the
road side, Weber was there in a second, hovering and bombarding him with
questions.
“What the hell happened? Are you sick? Did Gauron do something?”
Kashim croutced down and wiped his mouth. Nothing had come out since he hadn't
eaten anything, but he still felt like shit. Kashim sighed and closed his eyes.
“I just smoked a little last night. It's not a big deal.”
Kashim could hear Weber's frown. “O? I didn't know you smoke.”
“I don't, that's why I'm throwing up”, Kashim answered tiredly. “Now can you
cut with the questions and get back to your truck?”
“I'm just--”
“Get back to the truck!” Kashim barked at the man and watched him back away in
silence. Again the same look; the deep frown and tightly pressed lips, eyes
focused somewhere deeper than just Kashim's eyes. On the second stop Weber
didn't come out at all.
**
The AS' were assembled the same afternoon.
Getting into the pilot suit and into the cockpit felt better than anything in a
long time. Even when sitting hurt like hell, there wasn't any place in the
world Kashim would have rather been in. From the inside of the armslave, the
world came into focus and Kashim knew all the things that mattered and all the
things that didn't. He didn't have to think about anything. He made few
adjustments and begun a routine check of all the movements, of all the gear, of
communications and maneuvers.
“Testing communications, one two three, over”, Kashim said, the words flowing
from his mouth without a second thought.
“Hear you loud and clear, Kashim. Over”, Gauron's static voice replied.
“There's some shit on my left knee joint, movement stops at 19 degrees.”
“Probably sand from the transport”, Kashim said while making another set of
adjustments around the cockpit. A red notion flashed to his screen. “There's
some on my left elbow too.”
“Pieces of shit. Can't wait until the next generation gets to the market”,
Gauron growled and started shouting to the ground crew to start the cleaning
operations.
Kashim made his armslave kneel to help cleaning the left elbow joint.
“How much ammo do you have?” Gauron asked.
Kashim lifted his eyes to the upper right corner of his screen. “180”, Kashim
answered with a gringe. It would have been enough for a fight or two, for a
short period of time. But they didn't have a clue how long this would take and
how many enemies they would be fighting.
“Make them count”, Gauron said. “Don't waste any on the infantry if you don't
have to. Our target is anything bigger than a car that tries to cross over to
the fields. Take down anything you can with a knife.”
“Affirmative”, Kashim replied and felt a surge of relief at the familiar
feeling of everything around him. Gauron talked only about the mission, gave
his pointers to the strategy and left out everything unnecessary. No one was
saying anything about him being young or incompetent. Kashim was in his
element, enjoying himself and knowing that he would know what to do when the
time came.
The sun was already setting when all the cleaning and adjustments were ready.
They moved around on the empty lot next to the hotel, just getting the feel of
their machines. The Soviet soldiers had came out of the hotel and were watching
them.
“Want to give them a little show?” Gauron's grinning voice asked.
The choice of words made Kashim's mouth twist in disgust. But he also knew
Gauron hadn't meant anything about last night. He just wanted to have a fight,
like most of the time they were using the AS' at the same time.
“No guns, no knives, no damage to the armour”, Kashim recollected their usual
terms and flipped few switches on. There was another red error message on the
display. “And you have to switch off that false protection”, Kashim reminded.
It seemed like ages since Gauron had made adjustments which made it impossible
for Kashim to attack Gauron's AS.
“Discard the weapons first”, Gauron said as he walked in the middle of the
empty space.
Kashim took out his rifle and made the AS set it to the ground. The knife
dropped next to it. As Kashim stepped away from the weapons, the words on the
display changed from red to green. It felt like everything else in the world
faded. There was only the AS in front of him and the mission of taking it down.
It showed that neither of them had been actively training for the past few
months. Their movements weren't as precise as they could be, their hits not as
accurate. Both of them slipped on their feet and almost lost their balance like
a pair of beginners. Couple of times Kashim heard a nervous chuckle after
Gauron made some rookie mistake that he clearly was ashamed of.
Kashim won the first round, managing to topple Gauron's AS and pin him down
while. Kashim pulled his hand back and thrusted it forward in a gesture of
hitting the AS' head off, but stopping the movement just before the hit. Gauron
wasn't pleased of course and so they fought another two short rounds which
Gauron won easily mostly just attacking before Kashim was even recovered from
the last round.
The sun had set and as Gauron announced himself a winner they stopped. Most of
the audience was getting back inside. Kashim walked the AS next to the hotel,
crouched down and turned off the engines. He climbed nimbly down and was left
staring at the machine. If only he could just take it and leave. Nothing or no
one could stop him then.
“That was pretty good.”
Kashim didn't turn his head this time. He had learned to recognize the voice of
the dark Russian. He was standing somewhere behind him.
“How long have you been a pilot?”
“Long enough”, Kashim said, still not looking at the man. If he thought that
had been good fighting, he obviously knew nothing about AS'.
“Do you like it?”
Kashim thought about answering, but when he was about to say 'yes', it suddenly
felt too personal. This man had no right to know anything about him. Annoyed by
the whole situation, Kashim turned around to face the man. As he did so, he saw
Weber standing there too, behind the larger man, watching them. Kashim turned
his eyes back to the man in front of him.
“I don't even know your name”, Kashim said angrily, like it was the whole
reason for his bad mood.
One side of the man's mouth curled into a soft smile. Kashim didn't like that
either, smiling people were never really happy or relaxed. They were always
just planning on some horrible shit and covering it all up with a smile.
“Maxim.”
As soon as the man said it, Kashim regretted asking. Now he had a name, he was
a person, not just another Soviet soldier. He was Maxim and Kashim had felt
good wrapping his arms around his broad shoulders.
“Fucking piece of shit!”
Gauron's shout snapped Kashim out of his thoughts and made him turn around,
this time facing the more familiar man.
“It's not working right! There's sand fucking everywhere and the adjustments
are all wrong!” the man shouted. “I would have taken you out in a second if
that fucking piece of crap--”
“There wasn't any sand”, Kashim said tiredly. “We haven't practiced in ages.”
“Brats like you might need practice”, Gauron snorted.
Kashim frowned. “I would have won, but you didn't let me get ready!”
Gauron's mouth twisted. “I would've won but wah wah wah...” he mocked. “Grow
the fuck up!” When Kashim didn't answer, Gauron's anger was focused on the only
other possible target nearby; Maxim. “What the fuck are you looking at?!”
Maxim didn't even flinch at the yelling, he just shrugged. “Just wondered if
you're ready when the time comes.”
“That's hardly your fucking problem!” Gauron snapped.
“It's my life you're here to protect, so yeah, it is.”
Kashim suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable between the two large men, who
obviously had different views on things. It was like standing between two fully
armed AS'.
“Your life?” Gauron let out a dry chuckle. “A dog shit on the street is more
interesting to me than your life”, Gauron snorted and dropped his eyes back to
Kashim. “I need to talk with Borin. Get that fucking sand off.”
Kashim didn't argue about the subject, even when he knew for a fact it hadn't
been the sand. Gauron too needed to practise, whether he liked to admit it or
not.
The yard was empty except for Kashim and Maxim. The man stood still and Kashim
did his best to ignore him as he walked back to the AS' and started the
maintenance procedures once more. He climbed in and out of both machines, went
through the adjustments first inside and came back to check and oil the joints
again from the outside. All that time Maxim was standing around somewhere near,
smoking or just staring at him.
“You're not like the other boys”, the man said as Kashim was stuck outside a
bit longer, checking Gauron's AS' knee joints. “You know your shit. You're...
you're a real soldier, not just something for the officers to play with.”
Kashim didn't know how to react to that. He wasn't even sure if it really was a
compliment or not, so he just remained silent and ignored the man. He had a job
to do and if there were any sand in the joints tomorrow, Kashim would never
hear the end of it.
“Did he train you or did you fight in some local army? You're so young.” When
Kashim didn't answer, the man walked closer. It forced Kashim to glance at him,
to let him know he knew exactly where he was and didn't want him any closer. “I
really liked last night.”
Kashim turned back to the AS.
“Not the time when everyone was just using you, but... you know, when we
talked.”
Kashim tried to remember any time like that, but he really couldn't. He
remembered the fucking but nothing about talking. “I don't remember that”, he
said coldly and hoped that would be enough to make the man go away.
“You said you liked me.”
Kashim gritted his teeth and made a promise to himself never to smoke that shit
again. “Did I?” he asked as bored as he could.
“Do you like Gauron then?” the man asked with a laugh. “Doesn't he do just the
same things with you? You're used to that.”
Kashim frowned at the way the man told him things about himself. He stopped
working and turned his eyes to Maxim. “What do you want?” he asked with a
frown. “Why are you here? Outside right now?” he specified.
The man shrugged. “I thought it would be nice to talk some more. And that I
could get a kiss from you.” Maxim grinned at the end of his words, but Kashim
frowned even deeper. “But I see you're mad at me for some reason. I want to
know what I did wrong.”
Kashim kept staring at the man and couldn't understand how little Maxim seemed
to understand about anything. He didn't know anything about Gauron or Kashim
and if he kept acting like that and talking like that Gauron would kill him
without a blink. Kashim had to admit, that he didn't want Maxim to die. So
maybe someone should tell the man what had been and what was still going on.
“Gauron made me smoke the hop. I never smoke it and I hate it. And I don't know
what happened last night and I'm glad I don't remember much about it, but...”
Kashim quieted down as he didn't know what to say next. Maxim stared at him
with a deep frown. Kashim felt his throat tighen again andhe bit the side of
his tongue to get a grip of himself.
“I get it”, the man said quietly. “I'm sorry.”
Kashim blinked furiously and turned back to his work to hide his face from the
man. The sand moved under his boots as Maxim moved. “I'll make sure the others
won't bother you.” The man left. Kashim kept staring at the AS and after a
while he managed to focus back on his task.
When he was ready, it was already pitch black outside. Inside the hotel the men
were eating and Kashim's stomach let out a loud growl. He hadn't eaten anything
since yesterday. He searched Gauron or Weber with his eyes and found the
second. The blond man was sitting in a table with Russian soldiers and Kashim
could see Maxim being one of them. They were talking about something serious as
Maxim kept swinging his hands around as he talked and Weber kept shaking his
head grimly. Kashim didn't feel like joining them, so he just climbed the
stairs up to his room.
Gauron wasn't there either, but the room had been cleaned. There were few guns
on the side table with boxes of ammo, neatly folded uniforms with clean
underwear on the bed and someone had brought a small fridge to the room. It was
filled with beer and water. With his stomach still growling, Kashim laid down
on the bed and closed his eyes for a moment. For some reason he couldn't think
about anything else but Maxim. And about how long it would take before Gauron
killed him too.
***** The Harvest *****
Chapter Notes
     Oh look! It's another chapter! Where the hell did that come from?
     And in case someone is wondering; no, I don't know the first thing
     about poppy cultivation or Soviet-Afghan war. I know I probably
     should. But I don't. Yey for ignorance and porn! \o/
The harvest begun after three days, just as Gauron had said. He went around the
hotel, the city and the fields with the Russian officer, but it was clear to
anyone which one of them was truly in charge. No one seemed to mind it though,
everyone was just happy that something was getting done and that they were
closer to leaving the place.
Gauron had been distant the few days, talking to Kashim only about the AS' and
his plans for the fighting. Every night Kashim could sleep alone and no one
ever stepped into his room when he was in there. The wounds from the opium
night healed and Kashim spent more and more time in his AS.
Maxim was still staring at him from time to time, but he didn't approach Kashim
either. He saw the man talking with Weber, but that was all.
Now that Gauron had a set goal and a limited time to reach it, he didn't take
smoking so lightly. He beat few of the soldiers up for getting wasted, but the
group was large and it hadn't had real rules or discipline in months. Gauron
saw that fixed immediately.
Kashim stood on the hotel yard and stared at the pole he had set up half an
hour earlier with his AS. The Soviets had gathered around too as had been
ordered. They spoke quietly to each other, a low murmur hovering in the air
like a swarm of bees. Kashim kept his eyes forward, as there would be nothing
new for him to witness. He knew what that pole meant and he was glad to be just
a part of the audience.
The man was dragged to the yard by Gauron himself. He didn't mind getting his
hands dirty, even if these weren't strictly speaking his soldiers. The officer,
Borin, stood next to Kashim, sweating and trying to hide his shaking. Kashim
couldn't find an inch of respect in him for the man. This must have been the
first time any of his soldiers were disciplined in any way.
Gauron tied the screaming and kicking soldier to the pole and told him to shut
the fuck up and be a man.
“The rules are very fucking clear!” Gauron shouted. “No one smokes that shit
until everything is packed up and ready to ship out! If you can't handle being
sober for a few fucking days, I suggest you shoot yourself! Major Borin!”
Borin startled next to Kashim and Kashim felt like rolling his eyes. But of
course you didn't do something like that when someone was being disciplined.
You kept your mouth absolutely shut and watched and made sure you wouldn't do
the same mistake as that poor bastard.
“Y-yes?” Borin asked and someone behind Kashim snickered.
“What is your punishment for disobeying your orders?” Gauron asked, even though
the rules were his and the punishment had been decided earlier without asking
Borin's opinion.
“A.. A hundred?” the man said with a questioning tone. The crowd started to
mutter louder.
“Kashim.”
Kashim turned his eyes to Gauron. For a moment he was afraid Gauron would make
him do the work. Kashim wasn't sure he could even do a hundred without taking
few breaks.
“Do the counting”, the man ordered as he ripped the soldier's shirt open from
the back and took the knout from the ground. Kashim's stomach twisted at the
sight of the item. He himself had been whipped only once and only with three
strikes for disobeying and Kashim was pretty sure Gauron hadn't used even close
to his full force. A hundred lashes with a knout was a death sentence.
The leather hit skin, blood splattered from the start and the man shouted.
Kashim called out the first strike and went on with Gauron's hits. It would
have been a lie to say that Kashim felt bad for the man, but still, it wasn't
something Kashim would have wished for his worst enemy. But he understood
Gauron's point of view too. They didn't have time for warnings and going
through the rules twice with every single one of them. Things needed to be made
clear here and now, even if it meant sacrificing one of their own.
At twenty-three the man stopped making sounds. Gauron's hands were bloody and
there was a puddle around the pole.
At thirty-five there was some shouting from the back, but Kashim focused on the
counting and couldn't make out what was happening.
At fifty Gauron stopped to take a break. Kashim glanced behind him and saw that
some of the soldiers had left. The ones still standing there were pale and
stern. Maxim glanced at Kashim from the back row and Kashim turned back to
Gauron.
“Check him”, Gauron said, slightly out of breath. Kashim stepped forward and
pressed his fingers below the man's jaw line. It took few tries to find the
weak pulse, but it was still there. Kashim turned his eyes to Gauron and
nodded. The show went on.
Kashim was pretty sure the man had died long before Gauron reached the hundred.
Maybe somewhere between sixty and seventy. There was just too much blood on the
ground, not to mention the possibility of the knout breaking the man's spine.
Gauron finished the hundredth strike and dropped the knout to the ground.
Everyone stood still in silence waiting for Gauron to speak.
“We'll practise around the fields until the nightfall”, Gauron said, his voice
raspy. Borin startled out of some haze he had been in and made his best
ordering the men to the fields. Kashim moved to go to his AS. “Not you”, Gauron
growled immediately. “Come here.”
Kashim walked to the pole, thinking that Gauron wanted him to take the corpse
down. He glanced at the ropes and then at Gauron. “I need a knife to cut him
down”, he said.
“Leave him”, Gauron said roughly, still catching his breath. “He's a good
reminder to the others.”
Kashim frowned and looked at the body again. There were flies already flying
around them. He turned back to Gauron and was about to ask what he wanted
Kashim to do, but the answer came soon enough.
“Lie down.”
After all the oddities Gauron had shown over the years, there were still
moments that left Kashim puzzled. He glanced at the ground. He could ask “why”,
but he really doubted he would get an answer. The most he would get was a punch
in a stomach. So Kashim sat down next to the pole and was about to settle down
to the dry ground.
Gauron's boot hit him on the shoulder and Kashim fell back first into the blood
soaked sand. He grunted and kept his head off the ground as he felt the wetness
soak the back of his jacket and shirt. Gauron watched him expressionless.
“Put your head down”, he ordered and Kashim obeyed. The pole and the body
hovered above him, blood still dripping to the ground next to Kashim's head.
The sand had absorbed some of the blood, but there was still a distinct puddle
under him. Kashim could feel the sticky substance clinging to his hair. Gauron
was still staring at him. “Turn around, your face down.”
Slowly the situation began to unfold in Kashim's eyes. His hands were shaking
as he sat up and then got back down, trying to avoid as much of the blood as he
could. Gauron wanted him lying on the ground, soaked in blood. Never before had
Kashim so truly feared death as he did now. Gauron always did everything he
wanted. If he now wanted to see Kashim dead...
The boot hit Kashim to the back of his head and his face was in the blood.
Gauron let out a pleased mumble and walked around him. “Relax”, he said. He was
standing at Kashim's feet. “It's very important that you stay absolutely still
now, do you understand? No talking, no moving”, Gauron said and sounded almost
too calm.
Kashim didn't say anything to even affirm the orders. He was still and stared
at the blood. He heard Gauron cock his gun and Kashim pressed his eyes close.
More than fear Kashim felt disappointed and betrayed. This was how it all
ended? This was the point where Gauron decided to shoot him? On a whim? Kashim
took in a trembling breath and stared at the ground next to him. For a moment
he felt also relief.
The shot rang in his ears and Kashim flinched as the sand next to his head
rattled. Gauron let out a similar grunt he did when he cummed. The gun dropped
to the ground and Kashim opened his eyes as Gauron reached under him to tug on
his belt.
He didn't know if he should lift his hips to help Gauron or... probably not.
The man was breathing heavily and ripping Kashim's pants off like they were on
fire. Kashim felt the warm air hit the bare skin of his ass and tried to see
without lifting his head if there was anyone around to see them. He couldn't
make out anything else besides the sand and the blood. Gauron's hands were
covered in the sticky blood as he gripped Kashim's head and pressed it firmer
against the ground.
“Not a sound”, he growled with a clear threat and Kashim had no intention to
disobey him now. One wrong move and Gauron could pick up the gun and turn this
fantasy into reality.
Gauron's rough hands grabbed Kashim's buttocks, squeezed and spread them. A
sticky thumb moved across his hole and pushed in. Kashim closed his eyes and
gritted his teeth as he felt his hole twitch around Gauron's finger. But
luckily that didn't appear to spoil the mood for the man. Gauron pulled his
hand away and soon returned both of them to Kashim's back and ass, smearing the
blood on his skin.
His breathing got faster again and Kashim tensed his abs as he felt two fingers
being pushed in quick and rough. The blood was a poor substitute for
lubrication as the man slipped the fingers all the way out before pushing them
back in.
“Too tense”, Gauron growled and pressed his bloody hand to Kashim's face. He
gripped Kashim's jaw and leaned closer. “Play along now, Kashim”, he whispered
and soaked his hand in the blood before wiping it to Kashim's face. The man's
weight remained on Kashim's back, but his hand went back between the buttocks.
The fingers went back in, this time more slippery from the fresh blood. Kashim
forced himself to relax as much as he could, but he knew that sooner or later
that would become impossible.
The blood dried in the sun and there were more and more flies around them. The
friction got worse and just as the mere fingers started to hurt, Gauron shifted
and pressed his rock hard cock against Kashim's flesh.
It was impossible to hold back then and Kashim cried out as quietly as he
could. Immediately Gauron's hand slapped him on the ass and pushed deeper.
“I'll shoot you from the next”, the man growled and forced himself deeper.
Kashim clenched his jaw shut and tried his best to stay quiet and still. Gauron
pulled his cock out and Kashim had a second to brace himself before the next
insert. The man moved slowly, chuckled and smoothed the bloody skin on Kashim's
back. If only he moved faster, it would all be over sooner.
Faster. He needed to make Gauron go faster. Do something that would make Gauron
lose control. So that he wouldn't be able to hold back.
Kashim opened his eyes and moved his arms away from where they rested next to
his head.. Gauron immediately told him to stay still, but Kashim ignored it and
threw his arms limply back so they were on both sides of his body at a slightly
unnatural angle.
“Fuck yeah, you sick little fuck”, Gauron groaned and lifted Kashim further up
from his hip. Kashim let his arms dangle and kept his body as relaxed as
possible. Gauron fastened his movements, jabbing his cock in and out and
sending flashes of pain all the way to Kashim's spine.
But Gauron did cum, sooner than he would have liked, but still. He grunted and
sighed, kept pumping his semen inside Kashim and finally let him drop to the
ground.
Kashim didn't know when he was allowed to move again, so he just laid still as
Gauron started to pull his pants up.
“You're happy with just watching or do you want the sloppy seconds?” Gauron
asked loudly.
At first Kashim frowned at the odd question, until it's meaning truly hit him.
He sat up quickly, pulling his own pants back up. Next to them was the pole and
the dead body tied to it. Kashim had already forgotten it was there. Further
away, near the hotel door stood Maxim, staring at them calmly. Otherwise the
yard was empty.
“I'm good”, the man said.
Gauron turned his head towards Maxim the first time. “You sure? He's up for
another round any time.”
“Thanks, I'm good. Need to get back to the others”, Maxim said and turned to
leave.
Gauron stared at Maxim's back until the man disappeared behind the hotel before
lighting a cigarette and turning back to Kashim, laughing. “Jesus, Kashim. What
was that? You're one sick fucking puppy, you know that?”
Kashim just frowned and finished buckling his belt.
“Go wash up. You're light years ahead of those idiots when it comes to
fighting. We'll go eat something instead.”
**
The harvest was as tedious as Kashim had remembered. They went with the
soldiers and the farmers to the fields at sunrise and came back at sunset and
absolutely nothing happened in between. Kashim usually patrolled the northern
and western sides of their area while Gauron had south and east; the directions
where the threat would most likely come. The soldiers were scattered around,
some of them keeping an eye on the horizon, some of them watching the farmers.
They had managed to gather quite a big group of people to do the manual labour.
Kashim was sure some of them weren't there voluntarily, but it didn't bother
him. The faster they would get the fields harvested, the faster they could move
on.
“Is everything on the schedule?”
Kashim kept his eyes on the food in front of him and dipped another piece of
bread to it. They were eating in Borin's room after a full day's work. Gauron
cleared his throat before answering. “Well, there's no set schedule, really”,
he said and rested his elbows on the table, eating quite slowly. “We're
clearing the fields one at a time and see how much we can get before the others
come.”
Borin was silent for a moment, maybe trying to come up with another way to
sound like he had anything to do with what was going on. Gauron waited
patiently and kept eating with a slow pace.
“I heard some of the men say, that you're harvesting them the wrong way.
Something about cutting them first.”
Kashim glanced at Gauron, but the man remained impassive. Kashim didn't know
about any details concerning the harvest, but he had heard many debates about
the different ways and the main thing seemed to be that the slower you went,
the more opium you would get.
“I am”, Gauron admitted. “Cutting the whole pod off is faster.” The man sighed
the way he always did when he had to explain something very simple to someone
very stupid. Kashim had heard that sigh many times when he had been a kid, but
not anymore. “It will get us less latex per pod, but it adds up in the end. If
we start to score every pod, it will take more than thrice the time. This way
we can have the pods packed up and ready when the fighting starts. It's much
easier to protect few trucks than hundreds of acres of fields.”
Borin was silent again and then nodded approvingly. “I don't know much about
the harvesting anyway...” he mumbled.
“It's all going according to the plans”, Gauron assured with a relaxed smile.
Kashim knew immediately that Gauron was going to fuck Borin over in some way.
He couldn't say that he really cared, but it would be better to know what
Gauron was planning.
He waited until they were alone in their room. Kashim sat on the bed, not
bothering to wear any clothes. After the whipping they had fucked like it was
on some schedule too; once in the morning, once before sleeping, a quick
blowjob during a break at noon.
“Are you going to steal the pods?” Kashim asked. It seemed like the most
obvious thing to do.
Water splashed in the bathroom as Gauron took a piss. “Not all of it”, the man
grunted. “We'll be fine with a ton or so; a truck-full. No one will even notice
it's gone and it's easy enough to get across the border to Iran. With that
we'll get back on our feet and can take it easy for the winter.” The toilet
flushed and Gauron walked to the bed.
“When did you plan to take it?”
“During the fight”, Gauron said and grunted as he sat down to the bed. He
rolled his shoulders few times before settling down. “We'll finish off any big
targets and while the Ruskies are still busy with the small fry, Weber will get
the truck and we're off with the AS'.”
“Does Weber know that?” Kashim asked.
“Yeah. Don't worry your pretty little head with these things. When the time
comes, I'll tell you what to do”, Gauron mused and pulled Kashim closer.
**
The first group to appear was a smaller mercenary pack of about twenty men.
They would have been happy with just a few fields of their own, but Gauron
ordered them to be cut down and shot every survivor personally at the nearby
road side. The bodies were left there to rot as an example to any other
advancing groups.
The next day came the word about the Mujahideen army and the real preparations
began. Borin wanted to send a word to the Soviets at the border, to get
reinforcements, but Gauron had a different opinion. He told Borin that with the
reinforcements there would come some higher ranking officer, taking all the
credit of the harvest and keeping the city. He told Borin it would be the best
to let the Soviets know as little as possible about what was going on. Later
Borin could just claim it had all been a walk on the beach with his skills,
earning him his long awaited promotion.
Of course Gauron was mainly concerned about the opium he wanted for himself,
but it seemed that if Borin could succeed in some way on the side, Gauron would
allow it.
Kashim didn't bother himself with the plots and schemes. He just walked along
the field banks, keeping his eye out for the enemies and going through the
battle strategies in his mind.
The enemy decided to attack during the night. They had about 150 men, three
tanks and some artillery. Kashim knew after half an hour of fighting that if it
hadn't been for the AS', Borin's group would have been dead before the morning.
Now, they at least had a decent chance.
Kashim took out one of the tanks, Gauron finished the second. It would have
been logical to take out the third one too, but as the sun began to rose,
Gauron's voice stopped Kashim from attacking.
“Let it be for now”, Gauron said over the radio.
“We can take it”, Kashim stated confused.
“Let it go. We need it later”, Gauron ordered calmly. “Pretend there's
something wrong with your AS and keep taking out the nearby infantry.”
As Kashim switched from his night vision back to normal, he saw the tank's
turret turning towards himself. Gauron shouted in his ears and Kashim dropped
his AS down on the ground just a moment before the shot flew above him, taking
out a building far behind.
Gauron yelled something in a fit of rage. He didn't seem to remember his own
orders about leaving the tank alone. Kashim got up and watched as Gauron's AS
pummelled the tank, struck it with it's blade and even kicked it. Kashim was
about to tell the man that he was all-right, when a small puff of smoke at the
corner of his eye drew his attention.
Kashim turned towards a building he knew was occupied by the Soviets. He
managed to catch a glimpse of Maxim with a RPG standing on the roof top and
then there was a flash on his right hand side. His head snapped back towards
Gauron and the tank and saw nothing but smoke.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” Kashim shouted, even though Maxim couldn't hear
him. Kashim started to run towards the scene, his heart racing faster than the
feet of his AS ever could. “He had it under control, you fucking moron!”
The smoke cleared as Kashim rushed to Gauron's AS. It was lying on the ground,
next to the immobile and destroyed tank. There was a huge tear along the left
side of the AS and its head was in pieces. In the middle of the wreck Kashim
could make out Gauron's still body and enough blood to drown in.
As quickly as he could, Kashim opened his hatch and climbed down. He yelled
Gauron's name, but there was no answer and nothing moved among the wreckage.
Kashim stopped above Gauron and just stared at him, gasping for air and trying
to understand what had happened. Soon his brain kick-started again and Kashim
knelt down. Gauron body was hunched forward in his seat, so the first thing
Kashim did, was to take a hold of the man's head and tilt his body and head
backwards to clear his airway. As soon as he did that, there came a sound of
sigh from Gauron's throat. The man was still unconscious, but at least he was
still breathing.
“I need a medic!” Kashim shouted out at the top of his lungs. “Gauron's down!
Medic!”
He was about to start going through Gauron's wounds to see which ones needed
first aid before the medic arrived. But before his hands touched the man, he
was jerked forcefully backwards and he landed on his back to the sand.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” Weber's furious face demanded from above.
Kashim felt a rush of relief at the sight of someone familiar. “Weber! Gauron's
hit!” Kashim exclaimed and got on his feet.
“Of course he fucking is! Maxim got him straight in the head! What the fuck are
you waiting for? Come on!”
Weber sounded like he was in a hurry too, but instead of stepping towards
Gauron, he took a step away from him. Kashim stared at him and frowned.
“Gauron's hit!” he repeated. Weber didn't seem to understood it. Or maybe he
didn't believe it. Kashim had difficulties believing it. It was very hard to
believe after all. Gauron never got hit. Gauron never got hurt. Gauron never
bled like that.
“Jesus Christ, Kashim!” Weber hissed and grabbed him by the collar of his pilot
suit and started dragging him away.
For few steps Kashim let his feet follow the man, but when they had gotten ten
meters from Gauron, Kashim hit himself free. “What are you doing? Gauron needs
a medic! He's bleeding badly!”
Weber gritted his teeth and looked pissed off. “Kashim, for the love of God, we
don't have time for this now. We have to go, before the Soviets realise what's
going on.”
Kashim stared at the man and frowned again. He opened his mouth, but shut it
quickly again. “What is going on?” he had to ask. His brains were still
screaming about helping Gauron.
“We're getting you the fuck away from that son of a bitch. For good.” Weber
turned his head to look at a Jeep approaching them. “I'll explain everything
later.” He reached to take Kashim by his arm, but Kashim pulled himself away
and took a step back.
“I'm not going!” Kashim shouted in shock. Didn't Weber have an inch of decency
in him? Not a drop of loyalty? “I need to help him! He's my commanding
officer!” he finally shouted when nothing else seemed to matter to the man.
The Jeep stopped next to them and Maxim poked his head out the window. “What
the fuck are we waiting for? We need to go!”
Weber turned to the Jeep and said something in low tone of voice. Kashim
frowned and watched as Maxim wrenched to door open and marched to Kashim.
“Call in a medic. He's still breathing, so I think--” Kashim started, but was
hoisted on the man's shoulder before he could end his sentence. Even with the
kicks and screams Kashim ended up being thrown to the back of the Jeep, Maxim's
huge frame soon coming on top of him and holding him in place. Weber got behind
the wheel and hit the gas.
Kashim shouted, screamed even. The men were bastards, didn't know the first
thing about loyalty and that Kashim would fucking kill them the first chance he
got. Gauron was his commanding officer and he was still breathing. Tears were
smudging his vision as Kashim shouted that he couldn't just leave Gauron
behind. Maxim pinned his wrists against the Jeep floor and kept staring at him
with that blank look of his.
***** Leaving *****
Chapter Notes
     I know it's a bit too late, but happy Yule. Here's your present for
     being so patient.
     With that also apologies for both this chapter, which was written way
     too fast and not read through before publishing, and for being so
     quiet for so long. I have to admit the news of the world hasn't
     really made me want to write about Afghanistan. I should just keep in
     mind this is absolutely nothing but porn and be happy about it. ...
     But yeah. Sorry.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
“Have you calmed down?”
Kashim kept his eyes on the darkening horizon, ignoring the eye contact Maxim
tried to make. They hadn't talked anything during the long drive, not after
Kashim had calmed down from his initial shock. Maxim had stared at Kashim for
ages, but hadn't said anything until now. The whole time, for hours now, Kashim
had been cuffed to the seat in front of him.
“We should talk about this”, Maxim continued.
But there was only one thing Kashim had to say. “He was alive.” His throat
ached and his voice was raspy from all the yelling.
“Well he isn't anymore”, Weber said in a cold tone and kept on driving.
“You don't know that”, Kashim muttered and glared at the blond man. “How could
you know?”
“I just do”, Weber insisted.
Kashim snorted at that. “You know shit. He's alive and he will make you
suffer.” Kashim drew in a shaky breath as he remembered few occasions where
someone had done something similar to this. “Hell, you don't even know the
things he does to traitors...”
“He's dead and you're free”, Weber barked and cast a glare at Kashim through
the rear-view mirror. “I'm still waiting for the 'thank you'.”
“Fuck you”, Kashim spat. “I'm in this because of you!”
Weber turned his eyes back to the road.
“Why are you being like this? You hated him”, Maxim said, sounding like a
complete idiot.
But of course they had no idea what they had done. No idea what Gauron had
survived and how he treated people who had betrayed him. And Kashim would be
questioned and Gauron would ask what he had done and what his part had been and
even if he could manage to escape with just a beating, he would still have to
watch Weber and Maxim being tortured to death.
“I didn't hate him”, Kashim corrected. “I don't hate him”, he corrected once
more. “He's my commanding officer.”
“He was a mercenary, not an officer”, Weber said, clearly trying his best to
remain calm. He probably started to understand what kind of shit he had gotten
himself into. “He fucked you in every possible way for years. You were nothing
but a fucking slave to him!” Weber bursted and again forced himself to calm
down. “But it's over now. For good. You'll thank us later.”
Kashim snorted once more, but didn't say anything. He turned his eyes back to
the side window. They were still heading south and it had kept Kashim wondering
for the last two or three hours. There was no obvious reasons why they should
have gone to south. The shortest way out of the country would have been to
cross the border to Iran. There was nothing much in south. Except...
“Why are we going to Kandahar?” Kashim decided to ask after a moment of
silence.
“Wha?” Weber voice shook a little and he even made a slight steering error on a
perfectly straight road.
“You heard me”, Kashim answered calmly and kept his eyes on the man. “What's in
Kandahar?”
Weber looked at Maxim through the mirror, but the larger man stayed still and
quiet. No one said anything. So there was something in Kandahar Kashim wasn't
supposed to know about. Of course there was still plenty of time before they
would reach the city, five or six hours at least. Plenty of time to plan how to
get away and get back to Herat.
**
They stopped the first time at about noon. Maxim opened the cuffs and let
Kashim get out, since there wasn't anywhere he could go without a vehicle or
gear. Kashim walked few paces away and took a piss on the road side, while
Weber and Maxim did the same. Afterwards none of them returned straight to the
car. Kashim watched as the men talked to each other on the other side of the
Jeep and rubbed his sore wrists. He couldn't make out what was being talked
about, but it wasn't difficult to guess. Every now and then one of them would
glance at Kashim and make sure he was still there.
Kashim walked to the car and placed one of his hands to the front seat. It took
a moment, before he found a loose staple to pull out and hide in the spot his
hands would reach when cuffed.
Weber and Maxim finished their talk and returned to the car. Maxim took out the
cuffs again and Kashim frowned.
“Really?” he asked. “You talk shit about Gauron keeping me as a prisoner and
then you do this?”
Maxim cocked his head and sighed. “I can't trust you just yet. You're not
thinking straight.”
Weber glanced at them. “We'll cut you loose once we've had a proper talk. After
that you can go where ever you want.”
Maxim turned his eyes to Weber, but didn't say anything. That probably meant
that he didn't agree with the blond or that they weren't going to let Kashim go
no matter what. That didn't matter much. Kashim already had his own plans. He
got in the jeep and lifted his hands to the same place where he had hidden the
staple.
It had been morning when they had left Herat so they reached the edges of
Kandahar in the early evening. Kashim's wrists were reddish and aching even
when Maxim hadn't tighten the cuffs too much after the first break.
Kashim felt relieved to see the city and he felt more confident and relaxed
than in ages. Kandahar wasn't Kabul; Kashim didn't know it's every back alley
and roof top by heart, but it was close enough. They had spent enough time in
the city, Gauron and him, so that Kashim felt like he was on a friendly
territory.
Now he just had to get free from the cuffs.
Kashim pulled the staple out and making sure Maxim didn't see anything
straightened it and hid it in his hand. And then he waited.
Weber didn't know the city half as well as Kashim and it didn't take long for
him to get stuck on one of the busiest streets. Kashim waited until they were
well wedged between a full loaded pickup and two horse carts. After a while
Weber started to lose his mind, honk the horn and yell all kind of bullshit to
the people in front of him. Maxim leaned in to tell him to calm down. It took
maybe two or three seconds for Kashim to pick the cuffs. When Weber hit the
horn once again, Kashim was out of the jeep and on the street.
He could hear Maxim and Weber yell after him as he made his way through the
crowd. With lighter build Kashim could wade in the mass much easier than either
of them and he made it the the mouth of the alley without a trouble. With the
crowd behind him Kashim took off running, made a few turns and then climbed on
top of a building. He waited a while before crawling to the other side and
peeking over the edge at the street.
Maxim and Weber were yelling at each other next to the jeep. Maxim was pointing
at the direction Kashim had gone to. For awhile they just stood there, looking
rather miserable and then Weber made a gesture with his hand, like he was ready
to give up. They got in to the jeep and started to crawl away. Kashim followed
them with his eyes as long as he could and got down from the roof. He kept
following them until they got away from the traffic jam and keeping up with
them would have busted his cover. Kashim still had a pretty good idea of the
area they were headed.
The first thing Kashim did was nick some local clothes for himself. Only after
that he started to look for the jeep again. It didn't take very long, maybe
four or five hours. Kashim kept walking through the streets and occasionally
asked if anyone had seen a blond westerner and a jeep. Kashim didn't know what
time it was, but it was in the middle of the night when he saw the jeep parked
on one side alley, between two three-story buildings.
Kashim knew better than to poke his head inside either of the buildings to see
who was inside. Instead he stole some food, got two bottles of water and set
himself on the rooftop on the other side of the street, high enough not to be
seen. And then he waited.
He did fall asleep for a while, but when he woke up, the jeep was still there.
Kashim ate some of the food, drank a little and got comfortable looking at the
people going on with their daily business. People got to the market place and
the tea houses, talked to each other... Like there wasn't war anywhere near.
The door to the leftern building opened and Weber stepped out. He didn't take
the jeep and Kashim followed him with his eyes until he turned a corner and
disappeared. After half an hour the man returned with a plastic bag. Breakfast,
most likely.
When nothing else happened for hours, Kashim got a little restless. He got up
and was about to leave the rooftop when the door opened again. Kashim froze
still when he saw the figure come out and go the side alley for a piss.
Vostrikov.
Kashim was down in a second. He was standing in the middle of the street when
Vostrikov turned around and saw him. He didn't look like surprised at all.
“Kashim.”
“What are you doing with them?” Kashim asked frowning. “Do you know what they
did?”
Vostrikov was as calm as always. It made Kashim nervous.
“Yes.”
“They tried to kill Gauron”, Kashim clarified. Vostrikov should have been more
shocked. He had been with Gauron longer than Kashim.
“He's dead, Kashim. You're... We're finally free. Come inside, we'll talk more
in there”, Vostrikov said calmly and walked to the door.
“They had me cuffed.”
“And you escaped”, Vostrikov said with a grin. When Kashim didn't grin back,
the man sighed. “They were bringing you here, to talk. So I could explain
everything.”
“Gauron is alive.”
Vostrikov shook his head. “I'm not talking in public. You can come inside and
we'll clear this out or you can leave. The choice is yours.” With that
Vostrikov walked back inside, leaving the door open after him.
Kashim stood still for a long time, just staring at the door and trying to make
up his mind. He had always trusted Vostrikov. Even when he hadn't been sure he
could trust Gauron, he had always been able to trust Vostrikov. But walking in
through the black doorway felt like walking into a trap. And Kashim always
trusted his instincts. So he turned around and left.
**
Spending time in Kandahar was easy, but Kashim couldn't shake out the thought
of Vostrikov. And then there was Gauron. He was probably in some hospital by
now and Kashim should have been there. But he couldn't leave without talking to
Vostrikov.
The next night he was outside the building again. He stood there for fifteen
minutes and it wasn't Vostrikov who walked out first. It was Maxim. Kashim took
a step back immediately.
“We can go, if you want. Weber and me. So you can talk to Grigori alone.”
Kashim stayed silent. The plan sounded good, maybe too good. “Tell him to meet
me at the tea house where Gauron cut off that one guy's thumb.”
Maxim lifted his brows. “You have so nice memories of the guy, no wonder you
want to hold on to him.”
“Tell him to come alone or I won't be there”, Kashim said and backed away from
the man.
Vostrikov held on to his side of the deal. He came to the tea house, alone and
everything. Kashim waited for awhile, went around the block twice to make sure
Maxim or Weber weren't anywhere near and only after that went inside the tea
house. There were a dozen men inside, some of them greeted Kashim like they
would to anyone walking inside and Kashim politely answered the greeting.
Vostrikov had bought himself a tea and Kashim did the same.
“We can't talk here”, Vostrikov said in Pashto. Using Russian would have
gathered even more unwanted attention. “It's not safe.”
“Did you know what they did? Were you in on it?” Kashim asked, not caring about
Vostrikov's words, but speaking in Pashto too.
“Yes”, Vostrikov answered.
“Did you plan the whole thing?”
“Yes.”
Kashim had kind of known it already, but still he felt surprised. “But you were
by his side for so long”, Kashim said quietly.
“I knew him better than anyone”, Vostrikov said, not sounding one bit arrogant
or proud. But not apologetic either. “I knew what he had been and what he was
going to be.” They were in silence for a moment. “It would have been months
maybe a year and he would have killed you. We both know it. You don't know how
he talked about you when you weren't there to hear.”
“I know it”, Kashim answered. “A while back he...” Kashim grimaced as he
thought about the way Gauron had fucked him in the blood and ordered him to act
dead. “I know. But still...” He lifted his eyes to Vostrikov. “He's alive.”
Vostrikov sipped his tea. “How do you know?”
“I went to him. As soon as he was down. He was badly hurt, but he was still
breathing. I held his head and heard him breathing.”
Vostrikov shook his head. “That doesn't mean anything. It could have been just
air venting from his lungs or he might have died as soon as you left.”
“We should at least make sure”, Kashim insisted. “If he is alive... You know
what he will do to us.”
Vostrikov was dead serious as he stared at Kashim. “I'll make sure. Whatever
happened, everyone will be talking about it soon enough.”
“I can't wait”, Kashim grunted. “I need to go there and find out myself.”
“Kashim, no.” Vostrikov shook his head. “I have everything ready for you, you
can start fresh without him and he will never find you.”
Kashim let out a laughter, a dry one. “He will always find everyone. And if he
thinks I had something to do with this...”
“Kashim”, Vostrikov spoke in firmer tone. “I will find out where he is. If he's
alive, I will tell you. I will get the info in 24 hours, that's faster than if
you go there asking questions. In the mean time I want you to come to the house
and prepare for the trip. There are a lot of things we should go through and
not much time.”
“What's your plan?” Kashim asked with a frown.
“There's a group I want you to join. They're good people and I trust them.
Weber will come with you and if they will have us, me and Maxim too. But they
are certainly interested in your skills with AS'.”
“Soviets?”
Vostrikov shook his head. “No. But I can' talk about it here.”
“That's if Gauron's truly dead. What about if he's not?”
“I'd say you need to get out of the country either way. That group can keep you
safe. Even from him.”
Kashim was silent for a long time. His tea had gone cold long before he talked.
“Feels weird to leave him.”
“I know”, Vostrikov said with a soft laugh. “Feels like I've been by his side
for my whole life.”
“Me too”, Kashim said. “I feel like... I can't make decisions for myself, good
ones at least.”
“You can. You are far smarter than he ever gave you credit for. You're smarter
than he has ever been.”
“He taught me everything I know.”
“It's time to let go, Kashim. Go live your life the way you want to live it.”
Vostrikov placed his hand on Kashim's. “If you want to find out about my plans,
you come to the house. If you don't want it, at least wait around until I hear
from Gauron. And if you want to go your own way after that, you'll do that. I
just feel I owe you. That I should at least make sure you'll end up with decent
people this time.”
“I'll come for the news tomorrow, after 24 hours”, Kashim said and stood up.
Vostrikov didn't make a move to stop him from leaving.
**
It was 24 hours straight from hell. Kashim slept in empty building that had
been partially bombed in some air raid. He didn't had the energy to eat
anything, but forced himself to drink some water.
Walking around in Kandahar brought back lot of memories, but very few of them
were actually happy ones. Mostly they were just about Gauron doing some crazy
shit to people, hurting or killing someone.
Kashim stopped to look at one particular tea house. It was empty now, but some
years ago it had been full of people.
Kashim had been left there while Gauron had gone to do something he hadn't
wanted Kashim to see. Probably to torture and murder someone. Kashim had seen
people get killed, so it must have been something extra awful. So he had been
left in the tea house with nothing but some locals.
He remembered he had had some basic idea of what the dancing boys were, he had
lived on the street too. But he hadn't known about the details and it had
always confused him when Gauron had been asked if Kashim danced for him. Kashim
had never danced or been asked to dance before that night.
It hadn't take long for the local men to approach him. Some of them knew who
Gauron was, but no one really thought Kashim mattered anything to him. They
offered him tea and sweets and asked if he would like to dance to them.
Kashim grimaced at the memory, how he hadn't understood any of it. What it had
meant, when they had offered to pay for his education, offered to buy him nice
clothes. There hadn't been enough time for it to go too far. Some of them had
fondled Kashim through his pants, but there had been nothing Gauron hadn't
already done. Gauron had walked in just when someone was about to stick his
hand inside Kashim's pants.
The discussion had been so quiet and civilized Kashim never realized something
had been wrong. Gauron had sipped tea and asked some questions about the man's
intentions. They had talked about something Gauron could have sold to them.
Everyone had been laughing and relaxed. And then, out of nowhere, Gauron had
pulled out his gun and shot the man in his cock.
He had asked if anyone else had touched Kashim. Everyone had been quiet.
That was Gauron, alright. Always making sure no one messed with Kashim. No one
except Gauron himself. In his own, sick way Gauron had always got Kashim's
back. More or less.
Kashim scoffed and stole himself another bottle of water.
**
After exactly 24 hours Kashim was back at the house Vostrikov was occupying. He
walked inside carefully, like the whole building was booby-trapped. Vostrikov,
Weber and Maxim were sitting in the living room, relaxed and drinking beer.
“Hi”, Weber said cautiously, like he was talking to a scared animal.
“You can sit or stand, whatever...”
“Is he alive?” Kashim asked, interrupting any bullshit.
It felt like the silence lasted for years.
“No”, Vostrikov said. He waited a while to let the information sink in. “They
tried to get him into a hospital, he was alive just like you said. But he died
on the way there. He lost too much blood.”
Kashim didn't realise he had sat down. He felt the armchair around him, but it
felt like stone. For a moment he was sure the world had lost all colours. Then
his brain kick-started.
“I need to go”, Kashim said in cold voice. “I need to see the body.”
“Woah woah...” Vostrikov said and stood up, stepping in front of Kashim.
“You said I could leave, if I wanted”, Kashim growled.
“Just sit for a moment, eat something, hear what I have to say”, Vostrikov
pleaded and pointed his hand towards a chair. “Just for a moment.”
Kashim pulled back from the man, but remained standing. He folded his arms and
waited.
“The group I told you about, if you want to join them, you have to leave
tomorrow. That's the only option”, Vostrikov said.
Kashim frowned and shrugged. “I don't want to join any groups.”
“Just listen to me”, Vostrikov insisted. “They are good people, they will give
you a proper job, not some bullshit like in here.”
“Where are they situated?” Kashim asked.
“Nowhere permanently. They're kind of traveling from place to place, but it's
not like in here. You'd be out of Afghanistan for good.”
“I don't know...” Kashim muttered. “It's all so soon.”
“Yeah, I know. But they will never hurt you and you don't have to do anything
you don't want to do. They have an AS ready for you, your own room, three meals
a day and regular paycheck and holidays. A real job. Your chance to live like a
normal soldier. But they're at our meeting point for just one day. Tomorrow. So
it has to be decided now.”
“So I can't go and see for myself if Gauron is dead”, Kashim snorted. “That's
convenient.”
“I would never lie to you about him!” Vostrikov snapped angrily. “I know, just
as well as you do, what a crazy asshole he was and to what lengths he would go
to find us. That is why I want you to trust me now. You need to take this
chance or you will regret it your whole life.”
Kashim didn't answer. He kept staring at the living room rug.
“Please, Kashim. Leave that asshole to be buried in this shit of a country and
leave this all behind you. You deserve at least that.”
“But... the body...” Kashim lifted his head to Vostrikov.
The man let out a sad laughter and placed his hand on Kashim's shoulder. “I
will fucking see that the body will be shipped to you. I will make sure you
will see it. Okay?”
Kashim thought about it awhile and then nodded. “Okay. But I want to know more
about them.”
“Weber, get Kashim something to eat”, Vostrikov ordered and patted Kashim on
the shoulder, seating him back down in to the armchair. He himself sat on the
sofa across Kashim. “The group is called Mithril...”
Chapter End Notes
     And sorry for bringing in Mithril. We'll see if they're here to stay
     or not. If they are, I'll probably just leave Tessa out or at least
     drop her rank significantly. We'll see...
***** Spiders *****
The group is called Mithril. Turned out that was about all Vostrikov knew about
them. He knew that they didn't work for any country and that their base was on
a ship and that they used AS' as a part of their military force. And that they
called themselves “The Mithril”. No knowledge about their true purpose, their
leaders, allies, enemies or funding. As more and more questions went
unanswered, the whole thing started to sound like just some fantasy Vostrikov
had cooked up in his mind. Nothing that could even exist. But Vostrikov was
sure that this was the right thing to do and the right people to go to. In less
than 24 hours they would meet on some Japanese Island, the name of which Kashim
had already forgotten.
Kashim spent a sleepless night on the living room floor, stared at the ceiling
and listened the snoring of the others. The thought of Gauron being dead still
didn't feel believable. If the man had crashed through the door that night,
alive and well, barking orders and giving all of them a good beating, Kashim
wouldn't have even blinked. He almost expected that to happen. But it didn't.
The sun rose and Vostrikov herded them into the jeep. He handed Kashim his
passport, the one Alex had made for him. For Sousuke Sagara.
The airplane was much smaller and less fancy than the one in which Kashim and
Gauron had flown to Singapore. There were other passengers too, so they
couldn't talk freely. Maxim was sitting next to Kashim, blocking his way to the
aisle and making him feel claustrophobic. Kashim was well aware that the man
had been staring at him for a long time, but he tried his best to ignore it.
“You didn't sleep much last night”, Maxim said suddenly.
Kashim turned his face to the man. “So?” What a weird thing to say to someone.
You didn't sleep much. That meant the other person hadn't slept either, but
instead of thinking about something like Kashim had, the other must have been
staring at the sleepless person the whole time. And that's not supposed to be
even more weird?
Maxim shrugged his wide shoulders and scratched the stubble on his chin. “Just
wondering if there was something you were worried about. Something you might
want to talk about.”
Kashim's lips twitched into a slight sneer. “With you?” he scoffed and turned
his gaze slowly back to the window. “I don't think so.”
“We could talk about something else than Gauron, too”, Maxim suggested,
sounding a bit pissed off. When Kashim didn't say anything, the man continued.
“Is this your first time flying?”
“No”, Kashim replied, keeping his eyes on the scenery.
“Really?” the man asked surprised. “Where have you flown before?”
“To Singapore.”
“What did you do there?”
“Help Gauron assassinate some people.”
Kashim stared at the sea of clouds below them and the occasional mountain tops
peaking through. He knew Maxim was staring at him again. It was actually quite
fun to piss the man off. Maxim clearly hated Gauron and talking about him, and
Kashim should have pretended like Gauron hadn't affected him in any way. But
that wasn't true. Everything Kashim was, was because of Gauron. Maxim couldn't
erase all that just by pretending. Although he seemed to try very hard...
“I thought Gauron was dead then too. But he wasn't”, Kashim decided to say.
“Was he blown up in an AS?”
“No.”
“Did you see his body then like you did this time?”
“No.”
“There you are then.”
They were silent for awhile, Maxim kept looking at Kashim every now and then,
sighing deeply and fidgeting in his seat. Kashim was expecting him to speak
again soon and the man did just that.
“Aren't you Japanese by birth?”
Kashim shrugged. “So they keep telling me. I wouldn't know.”
“Are you excited to go to Japan?”
“Not really”, Kashim admitted, but didn't say anything else. The decision had
already been made and they were in the plane. No use worrying about it now.
“You don't want to know, if someone might know who you are? There might be
records about a child gone missing in Afghanistan.”
Kashim frowned slightly before turning again towards the man. “They probably
do. So what? I might find out a name I used to have. What does that change?”
“You might find out who your parents are. Or were.”
Kashim snorted and turned his gaze back out. “Doesn't matter.”
They changed planes at some point and got into an even smaller plane. It had
only seats for the four of them and the pilot and the flight took less than an
hour. The island was so small, you could see it as a whole from the plane
window. There seemed to be two small towns and few roads between them.
They landed on a short strip of road and got out. Vostrikov took the lead and
placed himself in front of the rest as they walked towards three cars parked
further away. There were a group of six armed infantry soldiers standing in a
formation and two officers in front of them, one of them a woman. Kashim
immediately felt even more suspicious about the group. This was some kind of a
test, right?
“Captain Grigori Vostrikov”, the man introduced. “I believe we spoke on the
phone”, he said and offered his hand towards the woman.
“Nice to meet you”, the woman said, not introducing herself, but shaking hands
with him none the less. “These are the soldiers you mentioned?” Her eyes fixed
straight to Kashim and didn't move from there.
“Seargents Weber and Alexandrev”, Vostrikov introduced and then glanced at
Kashim. “And Kashim.”
The woman kept staring at Kashim. It was weird seeing a female officer with the
exactly same coldness and lack of emotions as all the other officers Kashim had
seen. For a moment Kashim wondered if she was a he after all. It was just so
weird seeing all those men obeying a woman.
“He's younger than you claimed”, she said finally. Vostrikov was about to say
something, but the woman lifted her hand. “We'll talk about this later. We have
prepared accommodation for you. We'll be interviewing all of you and make the
decisions after that. Please.” She held her arm towards one of the cars and
Kashim sat in with the others.
No one spoke during the short drive. Kashim sat in the back seat with
Vostrikov, Maxim and Weber were in the other car. They stopped in front of a
small, one story house that looked more like a shed. There were others just
like it, maybe a dozen or so, lined up along the dirt road.
“Please don't try to make contact with other people on the compound. Food will
be served at six am, noon and six pm. You will find water and washing equipment
inside your house”, the woman listed and left after making sure none of them
had any questions.
“Chilly welcome”, Weber noted, but walked inside the house none the less.
Vostrikov and Maxim followed him and soon Kashim too, after making few mental
notes about his surroundings.
The insides of the house were barren. Two sets of bunk beds, a table, some
chairs and lockers. A small bathroom in the corner. The windows were small and
dirty and only gave little light into the dusty house.
“How long do you think this will take?” Weber asked Vostrikov. The man shrugged
and laid down on one of the beds.
“Days at least”, Vostrikov sighed. “Maybe weeks. Does it really matter? Finally
got away from that hell hole...” he mumbled and fell asleep right away.
**
They came for Vostrikov that evening. The same guards that had escorted them
from the airport. They informed the group that Vostrikov wouldn't return to the
others until all of them had been interviewed. With this they wanted to exclude
any sharing of information and make sure all of them spoke “as truthfully as
possible”. Kashim couldn't get his head around the idea that they were so aware
of the fact that someone could lie to them. They knew it and had
countermeasures against it. Kashim hadn't even thought about lying.
Kashim slept poorly on the bunk bed, switched to sleep under the bed at some
point, but couldn't sleep more than ten or fifteen minutes at a time. There was
a spider climbing along the foot of the bed. Kashim didn't recognize the
species. He stared at it for what felt like hours. The eight slender legs
wriggling as the spider went this way and that, making a web underneath the
bed.
Kashim got out from under the bed, took the spider into his bandanna and walked
out of the hut. The spider was gone as soon as he lowered it down. It was
completely dark outside, there wasn't even a slightest blink of light anywhere,
but it wasn't silent. There were crickets or cicadas or something like that all
around. Every once in a while some bird would flap it's wings behind the huts
or dry leaves rustled in front of Kashim under some larger creature. Kashim
looked at the direction he knew the other huts were, but he couldn't make them
out. With a sigh he sat on the front steps and listened to the weird insects
make buzzing sounds in the dark. He waited for a red dot to appear in the dark,
giving away the position of some sharpshooter.
Kashim couldn't say how long he had been sitting there, staring at the
darkness. His eyes had adjusted to the dark and he could now make out the path
and the forest around them. The other huts remained still in the dark, as did
the gate which they had driven through. His brains had formed all kinds of
beasts lurking in the dark, all kinds of opponents. For a short moment he was
absolutely sure Gauron would walk out of the dark forest with a flashing grin
and a machete. The door behind him opened and hit his back.
“Oh, shit. Sorry”, Maxim mumbled and slid out of the hut once Kashim moved out
of the way. “You ok?”
“Yeah”, Kashim said, even though he wasn't so sure anymore. He felt cold and
nauseous. He couldn't feel his palms properly and there was a metallic taste in
his mouth.
“Did you get any sleep?”
“There was a spider”, Kashim said. That should explain everything.
“Right”, Maxim said quietly after a moment. He was silent quiet a while. “Did
it bite you?”
“No. I just didn't recognize it”, Kashim said.
“Maybe you should come back inside. Try and get some more sleep.”
“Nah,” Kashim grunted and kept staring at the darkness ahead. “There's probably
more of them out there. Or other things like that. Best to stay awake for
awhile.”
Maxim moved in the dark, switched his weight to his other leg probably. “Ok,
that's fine”, he said slowly. He stood there a long while. “Mind if I... join
you?”
“None of my business what you decide to do”, Kashim muttered. There was
something in his mouth. He spat it out and tasted blood. With a frown he went
through his mouth with his tongue and found a tear inside his cheek. It was
bleeding heavily. That explained the taste. He didn't remember biting it.
“We're not safe here.”
“What makes you say that?” Maxim asked.
Kashim shrugged at first, forming the sentences in his mind so he wouldn't
sound crazy. “I think they might work for Gauron.”
“I'm pretty sure they don't”, Maxim said, clearly amused by the thought. “I
think Grigori has done his background checks well enough.”
“Vostrikov's a blind fool”, Kashim spat. “He couldn't recognize Gauron's plot
if it bit him in the arse.”
“And why would he plot something like this?”
Kashim didn't have the answer. Gauron did crazy, useless things all the time.
No one ever questioned him about them. “He likes to fuck with people. With
their hopes and plans.”
Maxim fell silent again. He sat down behind Kashim and placed his hand on
Kashim's shoulder. “He's not here. You're safe with us.”
“I don't feel safe”, Kashim admitted.
Maxim wrapped his arm around Kashim and even when it felt weird, it felt kind
of good too. When the man didn't say anything, Kashim could pretend it was
Gauron sitting behind him. He felt his muscles relax a bit. Kashim kept staring
at the forest and after a while leaned back. The man behind him smelled
different from Gauron.
“You're nothing like him.”
“You say it like it's a bad thing”, Maxim said with a chuckle.
Kashim didn't say anything. After a few more minutes he stood up and went back
inside. The bunk bed felt uncomfortable still and the sun was well above the
horizon before he drifted to sleep.
When he woke up, it was already bright, hot and dusty. Kashim looked around and
noted that the hut was empty. He could hear Maxim's rumbling voice from the
outside, even though he couldn't make out the words.
Kashim got up, staggered for a moment and then went to the toilet to take a
piss. His head felt muddy and he felt like he had slept for ages. He was about
to step outside, when he heard the conversation.
“No. You didn't see him last night. He was fucking out of it. Talking about the
forest being full of spiders and Gauron trying to kill us all and shit”, Maxim
said angrily. Kashim stopped his hand and listened.
“It's just a shock or something, he has been through a lot”, Weber said, not
sounding too sure or carefree either.
“It's the first time I've seen him sleep since he came back. He didn't eat
anything before we left or during the flight.”
“He won't die of a fucking hunger, I will promise you that”, Weber snapped.
“He'll eat once he wakes up. It's just... he's been through a lot”, Weber
repeated. “Give him a goddamn break.”
Kashim backed away from the door and managed to sit down on his bed before the
door opened. Weber smiled widely. “See? He's up. You hungry? They brought food
earlier, fruits and bread and stuff.”
Kashim followed Weber's gesture towards the table. There were some yellow
fruits that looked almost like apples, but weren't. The bread looked even more
suspicious, because someone had taken a bite out of one and there was something
black and gooey inside. Kashim shook his head a little. “Not really hungry”, he
mumbled.
Weber and Maxim both stared at him. Kashim moved his eyes to the floor in front
of him. “Eat something later today, okay?” Weber said. “You'll need your
strength, if they want to test you.”
“Yeah”, Kashim said quietly and laid back down on his bed.
Weber was picked up at noon. They brought the next batch of food and left with
the German. Kashim pretended to be sleeping so Maxim wouldn't bother him with
the food again.
No such luck.
He felt the mattress sink as Maxim sat at the foot of the bed. “Kashim.” When
there wasn't an answer, the man took a hold of Kashim's ankle. “Kashim.”
He had to open his eyes. “What?” he asked, not pretending to sound tired.
“You have to eat something.”
“What did they bring?” Kashim asked, not even bothering to get up and see.
“Rice and meat in some sauce. It's good. Come on”, Maxim nudged Kashim's leg
and stood up to wait.
Kashim sat up slowly and glanced at the table. The food smelled delicious and
Kashim felt hungry as hell. He just... He didn't feel like he should [i]trust[/
i] the food. He didn't trust this place or these people. He got to the table
none the less and sat down.
Maxim ladled some rice and meat on a plate and placed it in front of Kashim.
There were tiny, black spots in the sauce. The rice looked different, the
grains were shorter it was clumpy and completely white. “What meat is that?”
Kashim asked.
Maxim shrugged. “I don't know. Pork maybe?”
“Have you ever eaten human?”
Maxim's eating stopped rigidly, he glanced at his food and then Kashim. “What?”
he asked with a full mouth and a frown.
“They say it tastes like pork”, Kashim said quietly.
“Who's they?” Maxim asked and continued eating, although he kept poking at the
meat every now and then.
Kashim shrugged.
“You think this is human flesh?” Maxim asked with a small grin.
Kashim shrugged again. “Just something I remembered.”
Maxim ate few more mouthfuls before setting his fork down. “They're not going
to hurt us. I know it's difficult for you to trust people--”
“People I don't know”, Kashim corrected.
Maxim stared at him. “People”, he said again. “But you can trust us; me,
Grigori and Kurtz. If we all agree that this place is good for us and that we
can trust these people, you can rely on that. We'll take care of you. Nothing
bad is going to happen.”
They waited the whole day and evening for the guards to come for either of
them. They didn't. Kashim had sat most of the day on the front step, watching
Maxim do some light exercise shirtless. Kashim himself didn't feel like
training, he knew he would throw up if he tried. As the sun went down, they
went back inside. Maxim tried washing himself, but the toilet sink wasn't
really big enough. The smell of sweat was pungent as he pulled his khaki green
T-shirt back on.
“They will probably ask you about Gauron. About your relations to him. What are
you going to tell them?” Maxim asked as he sat down at the table to eat the
leftovers.
“I don't know”, Kashim answered truthfully and laid on his bed.
Maxim kept eating and watching him. “Maybe you should think about it. And why
they should hire you. What use you can be to them. Those sort of things.”
Kashim turned his head towards the man. “What are you going to say? What use
are you going to be to them?”
“I know about the Soviets, about their plans and tactics”, Maxim said with a
shrug.
Kashim sat up and snorted. “Nothing Vostrikov doesn't know already and probably
better. You're a traitor. Why would they risk their battles for someone like
you?”
Maxim's jaws kept chewing, his face blank. After awhile the man snorted and
lowered his eyes to his food. “Killing Gauron is nothing but an act of heroism.
They won't see it as a betrayal.”
“Still. You're plain infantry. Weber at least is a sharpshooter, even though
that won't get him far either. I can't think of any reasons they would want
you”, Kashim said. Maxim tossed his bread to the table and stared at Kashim. It
took awhile for Kashim to understand that he had hurt the man's feelings. Or
rather, saying the truth had.
“I had hoped all of you would put in a good word for me. You know, for doing
what had to be done to get us all where we are now.”
“Oh”, Kashim said and went Maxim's words over once more in his head. “Really?
That's your plan?”
“The plan is, that we all get accepted and recruited”, Maxim grunted. “Just
like I wouldn't leave you behind, I hope you would do the same for me.”
“That's not very tactical thinking”, Kashim noted. “You would have at least 50%
better chance at being recruited, if they don't accept Vostrikov.”
“That's not how friendship works. You don't sell out your friends.”
Maxim's words were the last ones to be spoken that evening. Kashim laid awake
and thought about friendships, selling people, pork meat and recruitment tests.
The sleep escaped him once again and once Maxim started snoring lightly, the
surrounding world became dark, empty and unknown. Kashim kept staring at the
hut door, waiting for someone or something to come in. Some unknown animal or a
group of soldiers. His heart pounded and he was covered in cold sweat.
Kashim sat up on the bed, walked around the small room, checked the underside
of his bed for spiders and ended up standing next to Maxim's bed. The man was
hard to see in the dark, but his sleeping form was there, radiating warmth and
safety. Kashim bent over and climbed to the narrow bed. Maxim stirred awake and
moved his back against the wall. He didn't say anything as Kashim laid down
next to him and pulled Maxim's arm around himself. With the familiar warmth
against his back, Kashim fell asleep almost immediately.
**
Maxim was still there in the morning. They were both awake, but didn't say a
word. Kashim had his back against Maxim's chest, his arm still around his body.
For the first time in ages everything felt quiet and safe. Kashim wished that
the night would still continue, that he wouldn't have to get up.
“Don't feel like getting up?” Maxim asked, like he could read Kashim's
thoughts.
Kashim went through several answers in his head. He explained to himself that
there was no hurry, that he felt good right there, that he was still a bit
sleepy. But to Maxim he just said: “No.”
Maxim took a deep breath and tried to roll on to his back on the narrow bed. He
stretched one of his arms, the other one being under Kashim's head. “I wonder
what's taking them so long.”
Kashim had no idea. They had fetched Weber and Vostrikov a long time ago.
“Maybe something went wrong with Weber”, he said.
“Yeah, they probably ended up drinking the whole day”, Maxim scoffed and
started to sit up.
Kashim grabbed the man's wrist quickly. “Don't go”, he said and immediately
felt a blush creep on his face. He was thankful for not facing the man, so
there wasn't the possibility for an eye contact.
“I have to take a piss”, Maxim said calmly. “I'll be back right away.”
Kashim forced himself to let go of the wrist. Maxim climbed out of the bed and
walked to the small bathroom. Kashim rolled to his back, facing the underside
of the top bunk and listened the sounds. For some reason he kept picturing
Maxim standing there, holding his cock and leaning to the wall with his other
hand. Kashim imagined Maxim standing like that behind him and he felt his own
cock twitch. The toilet flushed and Kashim opened his eyes. He heard Maxim walk
back to the bed and rolled to his other side, facing the wall this time. Maxim
laid down behind him and soon his hand brushed along Kashim's side.
“This what you want?” Maxim asked.
Kashim had hoped that he wouldn't say or ask anything. Kashim didn't have any
answers. It was crazy to be wanting something like this. It was wrong. It was
disgusting.
“We don't have to do anything you don't want. We can just... lie down for a
little longer.” Maxim let his hand move along Kashim's side until it reached
the waistband of his briefs. “But you need to say something”, he chuckled.
“It's fine”, Kashim said with a dull voice.
Maxim chuckled again. “What is? It's fine if I touch you or it's fine to just
lie here doing nothing?”
Kashim swallowed hard. “The touching”, he said quietly. He could almost hear
Gauron calling him a whore.
“Good”, Maxim said and pressed his warm lips briefly against Kashim's shoulder.
“Tell me when you want me to stop and I will.” Maxim's large hand moved from
the side to Kashim's stomach and smoothed the skin just above Kashim's navel.
It was a strange combination of nausea, satisfaction, shame and arousal. Kashim
thrust his hips upwards to meet Maxim's touch, but still it felt too soon when
the man slid his hand into Kashim's briefs and took a hold of his cock. After a
few tentative strokes Maxim let out a warm sigh against Kashim's nape. He moved
closer against Kashim's back and the man's rock hard cock started to rub
against Kashim's ass.
Kashim opened his mouth to tell the man to stop.
“You've been making me wait for this”, Maxim muttered, kissing Kashim's neck
and shoulder.
Kashim stared at the wall for a moment and then closed his mouth. He felt like
he should say he was sorry and it made him feel annoyed. As Maxim's hand kept
moving, Kashim chose to ignore the man's words and close his eyes. The heavy
breathing and the pressure against his body was reassuring. This was how things
were meant to be. This was how it had been. At the thought of Gauron Kashim
felt his stomach tighten and his body starting to gather up tension. As Kashim
felt he was about to cum, he opened his eyes and mouth and reached back with
his hand. But where there should have been Gauron's shoulder, tensed and hot
with sweat near Kashim's head, Kashim's hand found nothing but air. Maxim was a
tall guy, but he was so much slimmer than Gauron.
Kashim let out a dissatisfied grunt and felt himself cum in Maxim's hand. The
first thing to come to his mind was disappointment.
Maxim chuckled and tried to press his lips on Kashim's neck again, but Kashim
was already climbing out of the bed.
“Oh, come on!” Maxim groaned and tried to take a hold of Kashim's hand. “Don't
leave me like this!”
Kashim jerked his hand away and didn't bother to look at Maxim. He knew the man
was hard and that it was Kashim's obligation to do something about it, but...
No. Maxim wasn't Gauron and Kashim didn't have to do shit like that anymore. He
took his clothes and once dressed, went for the door. The 6 am food had been
laid on the front step and Kashim accidentally kicked the bowls to the ground
as he rushed out.
***** Interview *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Maxim was taken at noon. He reassured Kashim that they would see each other
soon and that he should remember what they talked about. Kashim wasn't sure
what the man had meant, but it was probably about the selling out friends
discussion.
Kashim was prepared to wait for a long time, at least a day or two, before they
would come for him. Instead a group of two soldiers and a civilian entered the
hut not an hour later. Kashim sat up from his bed and then decided it best to
stand up. The soldiers had assault rifles ready in their hands. The civilian
was a woman and was wearing a white shirt and a black skirt, which ended rudely
high, just above her knees. She looked out of place between the soldiers and in
the dusty hut. In fact Kashim couldn't think of a place the woman would have
fit in.
“Hello Kashim, my name is Catharine Zevas”, the woman introduced and sat down
at the table. “I work in Mithril's human resource management. I'm here to
conduct your basic interview. Please.” The woman gestured towards a chair with
a smile.
Kashim eyed the soldiers again. They were pretending not to see or hear
anything. That kind of shit fooled civilians surprisingly often, but Kashim
knew better. They were there to minimize the risks. They were there to protect
this woman from Kashim. So there probably was a reason she needed protection.
There was a reason for him to attack.
“The others were taken away to be questioned”, Kashim decided to say. He didn't
sit down, but instead remained standing near the bed. There wasn't anything he
could do, if the soldiers decided to open fire, but as long as he didn't do
anything, there shouldn't be any reason for that.
“Interviewed”, the woman, Zevas, corrected with a smile. “You are not
questioned or suspected of anything. We just wish to know more about you,
before deciding about hiring you.” The woman watched Kashim for a moment. “Ok?”
Kashim shrugged. He hadn't expected the woman to explain him anything and he
wasn't sure he could trust anything she said. So her words made no difference
to him.
“Would you like to take a seat?” she offered again. “This will take awhile.”
The soldiers were still standing and staring at the wall. They looked a bit
bored. At least the one standing on the left didn't intend to use his weapon,
since his grip was loose and his hands positioned in a way that would make him
loose half a second before he could fire the rifle. “I'm fine”, Kashim said and
folded his arms. He could stand twice as long as these foreign clowns. He had
been better soldier at eleven than these guys would ever be.
“Ok.” Zevas smiled again and turned the first paper over in front of her. “We
only know you by the name Kashim. Do you have a last name?”
“No”, Kashim answered straight away. He was pretty sure no one would have asked
about Gauron's last name. ...or first name.
“Is Kashim your birth name?”
“I don't know.” He shrugged. “It's the only name I've ever had.” What
difference did a name make?
“I understood you have lived most of your life in Afghanistan. Is that right?”
“Yes.” Kashim said with a frown. He had no idea what these questions were for
and what they got out of them.
“And how old are you at the moment?” The woman kept her eyes on the papers and
jotted down Kashim's answers.
“I don't know for sure. Something between sixteen and twenty, that's what
others have estimated.” This kept the woman quiet for a while longer, as she
wrote a whole sentence to the paper. Kashim didn't see exactly what she wrote,
but it ended with a question mark.
“Tell me about your life in Afghanistan.”
Kashim shrugged again. He didn't know what things they thought were important.
And there was quite a bit to tell about a whole country. “What do you want to
know?”
“For example, what did you do there?”
Kashim frowned again. “You know what I did there”, he said, letting the
frustration to be heard in his voice. There was no way these people wouldn't
know these things. At least Vostrikov would have told them everything he
thought would get their group here. They knew his name and age range, they knew
he was AS pilot and that he was a soldier. They probably knew a lot more than
he even realised. If they were as good as Vostrikov claimed them to be.
Zevas smiled again. Kashim started to dislike that smile. There was nothing
happy or genuine in it. It was a mask, trying to hide the woman's feelings and
thoughts. It was supposed to make Kashim feel better, safe, when it only made
him more anxious. “Ok”, Zevas said and kept smiling. “You were part of a
mercenary group.”
Kashim cocked his brows. “Are you asking me or telling me?”
Zevas was silent for a moment, eyed the papers in front of her and then started
turning them over one by one. She stopped at the fourth or fifth, before
lifting her eyes back to Kashim. “How many people have you killed?”
Another shrug from Kashim. “Haven't counted.”
“An estimated guess? A few, a few dozens, a few hundred?”
“Something around fifty, I'd guess”, Kashim said with a shrug. “Depends on what
counts.”
It was Zevas' turn to frown. “What do you mean?”
“Well, do you only count the ones you are sure about, do you count people who
got hurt and died afterwards, do you count the bombings, the mines, the air
strikes... Do you count the lives you could have saved if you had chosen to...
It all depends”, Kashim said with a shrug. “If you counted all of them, it
would probably be hundreds.”
Zevas wrote something down. “Do you ever think about those people afterwards?”
“Some of them”, Kashim said. The memory of Alex came back to him. Then the
local kid he had shot in the head. Then Gauron. The lives you could have saved,
if you had chosen to.
“Does it make you sad?”
Sad? The question caught Kashim off-guard. Should it? Kashim started to wonder
if there were right and wrong answers to these questions. That he could be left
out, if he was too honest. “It's war”, Kashim decided to reply. “Killing people
who want to kill me doesn't make me sad.”
Zevas interrupted the writing and leaned forward. “What does?”
Kashim was silent. What made him sad? He was angry a lot, and frustrated, he
often felt hopeless and could recollect being confused a thousand times. But
sad? He shrugged. Zevas let out an interested hum and went back to writing.
“What makes you happy then?”
Kashim's frown deepened. Was this why he had flown here from around the world?
Why he had left Gauron and his whole life behind? To be asked what made him
feel happy. He knew there were some real questions there somewhere. The ones
that actually mattered. “Are you avoiding questions about Gauron on purpose?”
Zevas looked surprised, but then the annoying smile returned. “We'll get to him
soon enough. What was the last thing that has made you happy?”
Kashim tried to recollect a moment he had felt happy. Fucking with Maxim in the
morning? No, that wasn't happy. Horny maybe, like the guys would say, for a
moment and then disappointed, but not happy. When had been the last time?
After Gauron's death he hadn't been happy even for a second. Before that there
had been the opium accident and the flogging, neither really happy times.
Before that there had been that civilian kid, Alex's death, Kaminski,
Singapore... No, Kashim couldn't remember when he had laughed or even smiled
the last time. He did like seeing other people smile, Weber was smiling or
laughing all the time. Would they recruit Weber instead of him because of that?
The look on Zevas' face made Kashim annoyed. Like the woman was pitying him.
“These are stupid questions. I thought you wanted to know how well I can fight,
what's my experience with AS', how high can I score on shooting range, that
sort of stuff.”
“I'm not an expert on those things. Different people are going to ask you about
those”, Zevas answered and started shuffling the papers once more. “I'm here to
get to know you as a person. To find out what kind of a boy you are, when
you're not in a war.”
“I'm not a boy”, Kashim snorted. “I'm a man. And I've never been anywhere where
there's no war. So your questions are stupid”, he concluded.
Zevas looked lost for a moment as she stared at her papers. The she looked up
and the smile was gone. “Would you like to talk about Gauron then?”
“I'm sure at some point I have to”, Kashim said, because he really didn't want
to talk about him, but at the same time he knew there was no way around it.
Gauron mattered and these people knew it.
Zevas nodded to the soldiers who left the hut without a word. They didn't go
far, Kashim could hear their boots hit the ground at the bottom of the front
steps and there they stayed. One of them lit a cigarette, the other one
shuffled his feet against the gravel. They probably wouldn't hear him, if he
talked quietly, but they would hear if something got knocked over or if Zevas
would shout. For a second Kashim entertained himself by thinking of four
different ways to kill the woman without alerting the soldiers. It made him
feel more comfortable.
“I think it would be best, if you talked about him freely. Without my
questions.”
Kashim rolled his eyes. “I've been by his side for a decade. Do you want to
hear all of it?”
Zevas shrugged her delicate shoulder. Kashim could see the collar bones move
under her skin. They would snap in two even with a slight punch. “Just tell me
something. The first thing that comes to your mind, when you think about him.”
“He's alive”, Kashim said then. Because that was the first thing in his mind.
“You should know at least that.”
“Your friends told us you might think that way. They are convinced that you are
wrong.”
“I don't give a shit about their opinions”, Kashim answered truthfully. “He's
alive until I see his dead body in front of me.”
“Do you wish he was dead?”
“My wishes have nothing to do with anything.” Kashim sighed impatiently and
shrugged then. “A lot of things would be easier, a lot would get more
complicated, I guess.”
“How would you describe your feelings toward him?”
Kashim went through a list of words that came to his mind and chose one. “I
fear him.” It sounded pathetic out loud. “Like any sane person would. He's not
very predictable.”
“So I have learned”, Zevas said. “Was there any time when you thought you liked
him?”
Kashim sighed again and turned his eyes away from the woman. “There were things
about him that I liked. When he wants, he can be an excellent leader and
tactician. People fear him, but they also listen and respect him. I liked it,
when he was reasonable. When I could understand him. It wasn't very often”, he
added.
“What do you think he thought about you?”
“He told me he loved me. Over and over. But I wouldn't know what that's
supposed to mean, so I don't know.” Kashim shifted his feet and jerked his
shoulders. “I don't think he thinks about those things the same way others do.”
“That is likely”, Zevas agreed. “Were there any others, that he treated the
same way he treated you?”
Kashim lifted his eyes to the woman. “Do you mean the fucking?”
For a moment the woman seemed to be taken aback by Kashim's choice of words. “I
just heard he treated you differently”, Zevas said, pretending she didn't know
everything already.
“No, there was no one else”, Kashim replied.
“Just you.”
Kashim pressed his lips together. “Just me.”
“If you think he's alive, are you worried about him finding you?”
Kashim had to let out a dry laugh. “Of course I am. He's going to kill many
people I like and beat the shit out of me, if I'm lucky. That's what he always
does.”
“Still you came here with your friends. What made you do that?”
Kashim didn't have a straight answer to that either. He had been confused.
There had been a hurry. Once in a lifetime opportunity to escape. And Vostrikov
had insisted that Gauron was dead and that Kashim could see the body later.
Kashim thought about going back to Gauron only to find out the man really was
dead and something nasty twisted in his gut. He didn't want that. He didn't
want to find out.
“Did you want to get away from him?”
“I've gotten away, several times”, Kashim said coldly. He wasn't some helpless
child who was now rescued by his friends. He was a soldier. “But he always
finds me. I don't have any reasons to think this time would be any different.”
“Mithril is a very powerful organisation”, the woman said, like she was still
talking to a child.
“He will wipe his arse with Mithril”, Kashim said calmly.
“You sound like you would like that?”
“I don't know you”, Kashim stated. “Pretending like I cared about you would be
a lie.”
The woman moved her shoulder slightly, but Kashim couldn't tell if it was meant
as a shrug or tilt of the head. If she agreed or not. If Kashim had answered
right or wrong. Clearly there were right and wrong answers here. And if
everyone else had gotten the right answers, Kashim would be left out alone.
“Are you going to recruit the others?” Kashim asked.
“Nothing has been decided yet”, Zevas said, eyes on the papers again.
“When will I get to see them?”
“Soon enough”, the woman said vaguely. “You said you have killed people. Was it
always on Gauron's orders?”
“No.”
“Have you killed civilians without a straight order from anyone?”
It would be a wrong answer, but Kashim was sure they had the answers already.
This was only a test to see, if he would lie about it. “Yes.”
“Why?”
Kashim was silent for a moment. “Sometimes it benefits the situation.”
“Give me an example.”
Kashim inhaled and tried to recall one such time. “We needed to infiltrate a
house and find someone. There were civilians in there that we took care of.
There wasn't an actual order to kill them, but there wasn't really any other
way to get in quietly. Leaving them alive could have put us in danger.”
“How did you feel afterwards?”
Kashim shrugged and the woman wrote another line. “I know I should feel bad,
but I don't”, Kashim said, when she didn't reply in any way.
The woman lifted her head and smiled again. “It's not something you can
control. I appreciate your honesty.” She fell silent for a moment longer and
kept tapping the papers with the tip of her pen. When she again lifted her
face, there was the same annoying smile. “We'll continue with some other
questions now”, She said and turned over another thick stack of paper. “Just
answer honestly in the way that first comes to your mind. There are no right or
wrong answers here.” The woman waited a moment for Kashim to say something. He
just shrugged. “Okay. These first questions can be answered either by saying
'often', 'sometimes', 'rarely' or 'almost never'. Ok? Just use one of those
options. How often do you have trouble getting sleep?”
**
Grigori poured himself another glass of water. Kashim's interview took a long
time and there was nothing much to see. The camera placed in the hut didn't
convey any sounds to them, so he and Weber just watched the interviewer and
Kashim talk. From the boy's body language it was easy to tell that he was
uncomfortable. He had his arms folded, his back pressed against the bed post
and his feet were shuffling constantly to keep him on edge. But at least he
hadn't lashed out or attacked the woman. He probably hadn't even raised his
voice much. It was going well as far as Grigori could tell.
“What do you think they did with Maxim?” Weber asked, leaning so back in his
chair, he was about to fall back with it.
“I really don't give a fuck”, Grigori answered honestly. What they had
witnessed from the screen this morning had made him sick. Even when Kashim
hadn't expressed fear or disgust, Alexandrev should have known the limits. He
should've known Kashim wasn't ready for any of that shit. That he didn't
deserve to be put in that sort of situation. Apparently the Mithril had agreed
with him, since the man had just disappeared after being taken from the hut.
Grigori and Weber had been interviewed separately for few hours and then
brought here. It was impossible to say where Alexandrev had ended up or if he
was to be reunited with them later.
“I mean, if he's not underage, they don't have much to say about that. Do
they?” Weber continued.
Grigori only glanced at the other man, not saying anything. Kashim's interview
seemed to end as the woman piled up her papers and got up. Kashim was left
standing in the hut alone.
“Yeah, Maxim's an asshole for going for it, but who the fuck am I to judge if
Kashim's into it. Or him. Or that.. kind of things”, Weber still continued.
On the screen Kashim kept pacing back and forth. He didn't touch the food on
the table or go for a nap. Grigori felt like he was watching a caged animal,
waiting for it's moment.
After an hour the door of the conference room opened and a soldier stepped to
the doorway. “The captain wants to talk about the results”, he said and Grigori
got up. He followed the soldier through the narrow corridors and to the
captain's office. He knocked and entered after getting an affirmative answer.
“Take a seat”, captain Carl Testarossa, the officer overseeing their interviews
and the recruitment process, said with a general wave of his hand. He was
reading Kashim's interview papers with a displeased look on his face. “He's
difficult to read.”
Grigori let out a dry chuckle. He could've told them that much. He could've
told them anything they needed to know about Kashim and probably more
truthfully than the boy himself could tell. But of course they needed to do
their own assessments and evaluations. All the psychological bullshit that
someone paid them for.
“Yes”, Grigori replied. “He doesn't trust people easily. I can't blame him.
This is a weird situation for anyone.”
Captain gave out a soft sigh and kept reading. Grigori wanted to ask what the
questions had been about and how the boy had answered, but he remained quiet.
Unnecessary questions would have just revealed that he was nervous about the
situation and that there might be a reason they didn't want to recruit Kashim.
“If you would just let him show you what he can do with an AS”, Grigori said as
the other man kept silent. “I'm not saying he's the most stable person I've
ever met or that you should send him on operations alone straight away. I'm
just saying, he's one hell of a fighter when given the right orders and
instruments. And he's still young. He will learn absolutely anything.”
Testarossa glanced at Grigori from behind his desk and over his glasses. “I'm
not questioning whether he can kill or not. Believe me, I've seen child
soldiers during my career. I know what they are capable of.” The man dropped
his eyes back to the papers. “I'm questioning, if there is enough mental health
in that boy to work with. What I've seen thus far has not convinced me.”
“Gauron has fucked him up, we all know that. But given the right education, the
right environment, I really believe he can be turned around”, Grigori insisted.
Testarossa frowned at something in the papers. He turned the paper over and
kept reading. “That might be a job for a hospital or some sort of... closed
institute, not an armed force. We make soldiers. We recruit soldiers. And we
deploy soldiers.” The man glanced at Grigori again. “But we do not repair
soldiers. At least not ones that weren't broken by us.”
Grigori pushed himself upright in his chair. “No”, he said immediately. “I'm
not letting him get buried in some fucking nuthouse. He's better than that. He
can be controlled, I've seen it. In the right hands he's one of the best I've
seen. That's why Gauron kept him.”
The captain stopped his reading for a moment to look up at Grigori.
“One of the main reasons”, Grigori added. “Jesus! Just put him in an AS and
see!”
Testarossa flipped another page. “If I would recruit you and not him, are you
going to decline?”
Grigori scoffed at the question. Yes, he was a selfish asshole, when it came to
his own future, but you didn't really have to rub his face into it. “No. I just
owe him enough to make sure you understand what you're about to toss away. You
need to give him a fair chance to prove himself.” Grigori sighed. “Give him an
AS and you'll see what we are talking about here.”
“He has scored extremely high for depression, PTSD and anxiety disorders. He's
introverted – which is not a problem in itself – but it will make his treatment
difficult. The ongoing physical, mental and sexual abuse has messed up the way
he perceives other people and I'm finding it very hard to believe I could ever
trust him to be located behind me with a working weapon.” Testarossa closed the
folder in front of him. “And the situations I'm not feeling comfortable enough
to be in, I don't ask my men to be either. Given the right treatment, this boy
might grow up to be a decent soldier. But the fact is that we are not running a
charity mental institution here and we do not have the time or the interest to
conduct that sort of treatment.” The man crossed his fingers on the table. “We
are interested in hiring yourself and Mr. Weber. But Kashim would be more
trouble than he's worth and Mr. Alexandrev has shown some... characteristics
that make him basically unrecruitable for us.”
“Fuck Alexandrev”, Grigori spat immediately. He had never much liked the guy
nor did he have any debts to pay the man. “But give Kashim a chance”, he
pleaded. “Let him prove himself. This is the only chance he has to get away
from all that shit.”
Testarossa lowered his eyes to the folder and tapped it with his fingers. He
was silent for a long time, before looking at Grigori again. “One chance. If he
fucks it up,he's done.”
“Thank you”, Grigori said relieved. “Thank you.”
Chapter End Notes
     A bit boring, yeah. I try to move it towards something more
     interesting in the next bit.
***** Reaction *****
Chapter Notes
     Took me forever. Wrote it again and again so many times with
     different beginnings and different endings and just couldn't get it
     to work. This version is a result of sitting down for three hours and
     just - frigging - write - something! So, it's quite short and
     probably has a ton of typos, because I'm a lazy bastard. But it's
     there. Here it is! And now I can finally think about something else
     than how to fuck continue from here!
     Also, quite graphic violence, so... yeah.
Kashim was escorted by two different soldiers. They didn't have rifles with
them nor could Kashim see any other weapons on them. They didn't say anything
as they walked from the hut and towards one of the other flimsy looking, small
buildings along the beach. One of the soldiers opened the door and Kashim was
taken aback by the amount of steel he was suddenly facing. Inside the wooden
hut there was massive steel doors without any seeable means of opening them.
The soldiers stood still and waited. Kashim tried to looks around for any
control panels, any cameras or microphones. There were none.
Kashim was startled at the soundless way the doors suddenly opened. Their
movement was effortless and smooth and a well lit staircase appeared before
them. The soldiers gestured Kashim to descent.
As he did, Kashim was greeted by clean and cool air, the soft sound of
ventilation and white, well-kept corridor. The soldiers escorted Kashim for a
minute or two before stopping in front of a certain door. One of the soldiers
knocked and opened the door immediately after. He looked at Kashim and gestured
him to go in. Kashim stared at the soldier and was about to step inside, when
he saw someone else walk towards them along the corridor. He saw a young girl
being escorted by two soldiers. One of the soldiers was holding the girl
tightly from her upper arm. As their eyes met, Kashim could see the girl had
been crying. She stared back at him and seemed to be pleading him for help. She
was pushed quite violently to one of the rooms and the door slammed shut after
her.
Kashim glanced at the soldier as he stepped into the room shown to him. The
door closed behind him and a lock clicked.
The room wasn't big. It held a round table with a pitcher of water and two
glasses, two chairs on opposite sides. There were some paintings on the white
walls, but they didn't depict anything, just some shapes in different colours.
On one of the chairs sat Zevas. Kashim felt like rolling his eyes.
“Hello, Kashim.”
Kashim didn't answer, he just let the woman see, he wasn't happy about their
reunion.
“They wanted me to ask some more questions”, Zevas said apologetically. “I'm
sure we'll get through these in no time.”
“Who was the girl?” Kashim asked. He couldn't get the image out of his head.
What could have been that big of deal, that they had to shove a girl around
like that?
“Hmm? What girl?” Zevas asked surprised.
“The girl that was brought to a room over there by two soldiers. A little
younger than me, maybe, this tall, long blond hair”, Kashim described.
Zevas looked surprised still. “I wouldn't know. There are lot of interviews
being carried out here. Now, about these questions--”
“Is she being interrogated?” Kashim asked frowning. He couldn't imagine why
anyone would have the need to scare someone like that. It was clear as a day
that the girl had been terrified. It didn't feel right.
“I'm sure she will be alright”, Zevas said with that disgusting smile of hers.
“She had been crying”, Kashim insisted, without really knowing why.
Zevas took a deep inhale and placed her pen on the table. “Did you know her?
I'm sorry, but you didn't seem like the type who would be bothered about
something like a girl crying.”
Kashim's scowled. “It says something about the group I'm trying to join. If
they have a habit of conducting unnecessary violence on civilian children.”
“There's no violence”, Zevas said like she was talking to a naughty child.
And just as she finished the sentence, there was a blood chilling scream from
somewhere close. A scream of a girl.
Zevas seemed to startle at the sound. Her eyes had darted to the door and she
made a poor attempt to try and pull herself together. “I'm sure there's a
reasonable explanation for--”
Another scream, which was cut short by something. Zevas rosed to her feet and
walked to the door. Kashim watched as she walked the short distance to the
other door and knocked on it loudly. After a moment the door opened and man
poked his head out. Zevas seemed to be arguing with the man quietly and after
awhile the man stepped to the corridor and closed the door behind him. Both the
man and Zevas started walking away from both of the rooms.
Kashim didn't think about what he was doing before he stepped to the corridor
and walked to the other door. For a moment he listened through the door, but
when he heard nothing but soft sobbing, he tried the door. It was open.
Kashim had waited for there to be at least one soldier and was surprised to
find only the girl in there. She looked up when Kashim entered, her eyes full
of tears, blood on her face and hands. Someone had struck her just a moment
ago. They stared at each other for a moment. Kashim hadn't thought about what
he would do now.
“Please, help me”, the girl begged, bursting into another set of sobs.
“Why are you here?” Kashim asked, trying to keep his English as smooth as he
could.
The girl tried to wipe her bloody nose with her shaking hand, but ended up
smearing the blood more on her face. “They... I have this... I know the
password”, she ended up saying between her sobs.
“What password?” Kashim asked with a frown. He stepped next to the door so he
could hear, if anyone approached them. The corridor was empty and silent.
“For their new AS”, the girl said quietly. She kept her eyes on her hands, her
shoulders near her ears, like she was trying to hide from everything. “They
can't get it to work without the password and I'm the only one... But... But if
I tell them, they're just going to...” Her voice broke and she leaned forward,
her face in her hands. As she leaned forward, Kashim could see her shirt was
ripped from the back.
Kashim watched the girl. He had seen situations like this tens maybe hundred
times. They always made him uncomfortable, because there always was just one
result. Sooner or later everyone gave up, everyone broke down, it was only a
matter of time. And this girl wouldn't last long. Kashim also knew, he himself
could make the girl talk, if the job was given to him. He had done it before,
learned all the best methods from Gauron. All the ways to inflict maximum
amount of pain without the risk of killing the person. And it always ended up
with a death. Somehow Kashim had thought Mithril didn't do things like this. He
didn't know why. Everyone else sure was.
“You should just tell them”, Kashim ended up saying, feeling sorry for the
girl's inevitable future.
The girl shook her head. “I can't. I can't. They will do horrible things! Those
machines kill people.”
Kashim glanced at the corridor again. He didn't know what he could do. He
didn't have any influence on these people. They wouldn't listen to Kashim nor
could he really save the girl.
“Have you tried to make a deal with them? Your life for the password?” Kashim
asked, walking around the room, trying to find something to use as a weapon. It
was more of a reflex than an actual plan.
The girl lifted her swollen eyes to Kashim. “You could help me. You know these
things! You're a soldier, right?”
Kashim kept his grimace to himself. He didn't want to go against Mithril for a
thing like this. He should have been bent over backwards for them, do anything
they asked so he could join Mithril with his friends. If something, he should
help Mithril to get the information they needed.
Kashim turned his eyes back to the girl. Something cold washed over him,
something that felt like a bit over 6 feet tall, with black hair and a wide
leer. That's my boy, it said.
Kashim glanced around the room and then took one of the chairs and jammed it
against the closed door. That should give him enough time.
**
“It's a simple test, really, we've done it a few times”, Carl Testarossa stated
as he sat down. He was relaxed and composed as he poured himself a glass of
water.
“What's it like?” Weber asked from the other side of the table. Grigori glanced
at the german, before returning his eyes to Testarossa.
“We bring in a girl, clearly abused, civilian and needing help, but she brings
a conflict of interests. It's more about how he reacts to the situation than
what he ends up saying or doing”, Testarossa clarified. “If he decides to stay
out of it, it tells us he's more interested about his own chances than the
girl's well-being. Then again, if he decides to go completely against us...
it's a whole another story.”
Weber frowned. “Well, what the fuck is he supposed to do?”
Testarossa cocked his eye brows like Weber had just grown another head.
“Negotiate”, he said simply. “It doesn't hurt to show some symphaty for the
girl, but this is all about solving the situation without any violence. That's
the type of soldiers we need. Any idiot with a gun can shoot.”
Grigori turned his eyes towards the large monitors in front of them. They
showed Kashim walking with two soldiers. They were somewhere in the same large
underground compound as Grigori and the others, but every room looked more or
less like the other. Grigori couldn't have said if they were just around the
corner from them or if there were a mile between them. He had the impression
that the compound was much larger than the island itself.
They were all silent as they watched Kashim take a notice of the girl. He stood
still and watched. Grigori felt good about it, that was a normal reaction.
“Who's the girl?” Weber asked.
“My daughter, Tessa”, Testarossa answered.
Weber let out a whistle. “She's quite an actress. Even I'd be fooled.”
“She's done this a few times”, Testarossa said softly and sipped his water.
“Likes to offer a hand whenever she can.”
This time they had a sound feed attached to the video. Grigori listened as
Kashim immediately started asking about the girl. Weber let out a short
laughter and smacked his knee. “I knew he wouldn't let it slide!” he cheered.
“This boy has a heart of gold, I tell you!”
Testarossa lifted his hand up to silence Weber. In the monitor Kashim went
rigid as Tessa screamed. Grigori glanced at the other monitor, where Tessa was
casually sitting on a chair as fake blood was smeared on her face and hands.
She was smiling and then let out another scream.
“He might react in some unintended way, if things happen too fast”, Grigori
said in low tone. He didn't trust Kashim to get through this with a top grade.
The situation was too complicated, too many moving parts for. But maybe he
would do enough, or little enough, to pass.
“There are nothing that could be used as a weapon. We have soldiers available
in the next room. Tessa only needs to say the safe word and the test is
aborted”, Testarossa said calmly. “We've done this before.”
The corridor was emptied and Kashim took towards the girl's room. They talked
about the password and some shit. Kashim seemed to be on the edge and kept
glancing around. When the girl again begged Kashim to help her, Grigori could
see it.
He could [i]see[/i] something snap.
Kashim had froze and stared at the girl. When he moved, there was Gauron in his
stride.
“Abort”, Grigori said firmly. Weber glanced at him, alert.
Testarossa lifted his hand up again. “He's doing fine.”
“No!” Grigori insisted and jumped to his feet. He saw Kashim go for the chair.
“Abort!”
They watched as Kashim jammed the chair against the door, blocking anyone from
entering.
“She's not in danger”, Testarossa said. “Let's see where this--”
Kashim moved like a predator. He went to the girl, pressed her hand on the
table, took a hold of her index finger and wrenched it up and back.
It felt like the whole compound exploded. Testarossa was on his feet, shouting,
running out of the room. Tessa was screaming, this time for real. Kashim
shouted her to tell him the password. Grigori tried to run after Testarossa,
but the door was locked. Weber stared at the monitor, his hands gripping his
hair, not believing what he saw.
Grigori banged the door with his fists and shouted at the top of his lungs for
them to not kill Kashim. His shouting muffled Tessa's voice as she tried to get
Kashim to understand what was going on. She screamed about the test and the
monitors and aborting the test and when Kashim went for the middle finger, she
just screamed.
The door to the room exploded inwards. Grigori could just watch as the soldiers
flooded the room and overpowered Kashim in seconds. Tessa was escorted out of
the room and the monitors went black.
“Fuck”, Weber sighed.
Grigori fell to his knees, his forehead agaist the door. Well, at least that
was the last time he had to take care of Kashim. Possibly the last time anyone
had to take care of him.
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