Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/4877449.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Once_Upon_a_Time_(TV)
  Relationship:
      Felix/Peter_Pan_|_Malcolm
  Character:
      Peter_Pan_|_Malcolm, Felix_(Once_Upon_a_Time), Wendy_Darling_(Once_Upon_a
      Time), Lost_Boys_(Once_Upon_a_Time)
  Additional Tags:
      Child_Abuse, Child_Neglect, Childhood_Sexual_Abuse, Childhood_Trauma,
      Poverty, Murder, Implied/Referenced_Rape/Non-con, Non-Graphic_Rape/Non-
      Con, Statutory_Rape, Rape_Recovery, Rape_Aftermath, I_swear_there_is
      fluff_in_here, happy_ending_I_promise
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-09-26 Chapters: 8/8 Words: 30049
****** Price ******
by HotMolasses
Summary
     Felix is the oldest in his family of twelve brothers, living in a
     shitty trailer park. They have a mother but she doesn't do anything
     to help (or hurt) them. Then a new boy Felix's age moves into the
     trailer across the street. His name is Peter, and when Felix learns
     the horrible things his "dad" makes him do, it's Felix's instinct to
     bring Peter into his home and protect him--but he falls in love with
     him instead.
     The intent of this story is to show the power of love to overcome
     even the shittiest of situations. There is no "on-scene" rape
     depicted but it occurs throughout the story in the background. Love
     still triumphs, but the tags are all there for a reason, so please
     read (or don't read) with caution.
Notes
     Thank you SO MUCH to the-theatrical-bear for beta reading this for
     me! Thank you for your encouragement and support, or else this story
     may never have gotten an ending.
***** Chapter 1 *****
 
            Felix tossed more butter in the frying pan, the smoke rising up to
the ceiling of the kitchen and hitting a ring of plastic where a smoke alarm
once was. He reached up to wipe sweat from his forehead with the side of his
arm and shook the instant pancake mix in the jug.
            “Breakfast in five minutes!” he screamed. What sounded like a
thousand feet scampered across the worn-out carpet in the skinny hallway of the
double-wide trailer as ten-plus Boyd children piled into the tiny kitchen.
            “I want a heart shaped one!”
            “Can you make mine a smiley face?”
            “We want ours the same!” the twins shouted, both of them shoving
Curly’s face as they tried to get to Felix first.
            He turned around and crossed his arms over the stained grey t-shirt
he wore.
            “If you’re not at the table, in a chair, you don’t get any.”
            Everyone scrambled for a “chair”, or what could pass as an excuse
for one; around the rickety table was a barstool, a three-step ladder, a wicker
chair full of holes, a lawn chair, a milk crate, and other assorted seating
paraphernalia. It was, however, clean, and upon it were ten-plus plastic
plates, all with grooves in them from years of being cut by knives and forks.
            “Pancakes up!” he shouted, flipping the first three out of the
frying pan and towards the table.
            “I got it!”
            “Oooh ooh, hot, it’s hot!”
            “Catch it with your plate, moron, not your hands!”
            Then there was a fight over syrup, only one glass of milk was
spilled (small miracles), arguments over whose turn it was to take out the
trash, and a stampede when the school bus honked its horn. Backpacks flew,
shoes were tossed, and twenty some-odd feet flew out the squeaky screen door,
everyone shouting “Bye, Felix!”
            And then it was peaceful.
            Felix started cleaning up immediately, eating any leftover bites
for himself, because that was his breakfast. He dumped the plates in the sink
and started wiping down the table when he heard a bellow.
            “Felix!”
            He walked into the living room, where Mom was lying on the couch,
the old piece of furniture sagging from years of holding her up. She got up
about twice a day to use the restroom, and once at night to go to bed.
            “Here you go, Ma.” he said, placing a plate with a stack of the
most perfect of the pancakes on her TV table.
            She immediately started stuffing her face, her attention turning
back to the TV. She didn’t say a word.
            “No problem.” he answered anyway, tossing the kitchen towel over
his shoulder as he went back into the kitchen.
            He was scrubbing the frying pan in the sink when he heard the
rumble of an unfamiliar engine outside. He knew the sound of every single
vehicle in the trailer park. He’d lived here his entire life, and he knew all
34 families in the place. Curious, he shut off the water and stepped outside,
wondering if maybe it was Child Services, come to bring them another soon-to-be
Boyd.
            A faded blue pick-up truck rolled up and parked beside the old
Jensen place. Old man Jensen had croaked months ago, and frankly Felix was
surprised it had taken this long for Mr. Gold to find a new renter for his
trailer.
            A rough, very muscular man stepped out from the driver’s side, the
entire truck shifting with relief as he stepped onto the ground. The passenger
door opened, and Felix saw a kid, maybe sixteen with light brown hair, alight
on the ground with nimble feet. He was wearing typical trailer park clothes;
jeans with holes in them, a stained t-shirt. He looked like the usual poor
trash Felix was used to, so why couldn’t he stop staring?
            It was only the two of them. The kid reached into the back of the
pick-up and swung an old duffel back over his shoulder. The man had an actual
suitcase, though it wasn’t in much better condition. As they walked towards the
door the man swung his heavy arm over the boy’s shoulders, pulling him
uncomfortably close to his side, and the kid cringed.
            Ah, one of those kinds of families.
            He figured it wouldn’t be long before one of his siblings would
befriend the new kid. Then he’d be over all the time, and within a month Felix
would have a new mouth to feed. Didn’t matter. When you had nothing, having
less didn’t make a difference. At least Mom was the type to mostly leave them
alone. She never hurt them. She didn’t help, either, but hey. There was a
reason so many kids lived in the Boyd house. Some of them brought government
checks, and some of them well…it was an upgrade from where they’d previously
been.
            Felix went back to washing dishes, and when he heard the trailer
across the road start rocking, he turned the water on faster to drown it out.
 
            He spent the day cleaning, dragging clothes to the park laundromat,
getting the mail, going to the bank to deposit the checks, driving to the front
office to pay the rent, and then an hour of his life folding and putting away
clothes. There were six bedrooms in the double-wide; three and three. One was
Mom’s. One was Felix’s. And the other four were packed, a bunk bed in each,
with usually two kids per bunk. Rufio was probably the only other one who had
his own mattress to himself. He was only two years younger than Felix, and was
one of the few who were actually one of Mom’s biological children. He didn’t
look anything like Felix, however; his skin was dark as chestnut and his hair
was perfectly straight and black, while Felix couldn’t ever seem to tan and had
a mess of blond waves on his head.
            None of them knew who their fathers were.
            He finished making Tootles’ bed, having washed the sheets after he
wet them again, poor guy. He could think of about ten thousand more things that
needed doing, but they could all wait. He collapsed onto his own bed and turned
on his video game console. Charity Christmas drives sure were a blessing.
            The school bus came and the noise returned. Felix swore he spent
his entire life shouting, though the kids constantly told him how level-headed
and calm he was. He heard about nine different days, had to sign three tests
with F’s, helped with six different grade levels of homework, and started on
dinner.
            One of the five conversations around the dinner table was about the
new neighbors.
            “I saw, they have a kid!”
            “A kid, as in one? How lucky!”
            “Probably gets all the biscuits to himself.”
            “Probly has his own room!”
            “Anybody see how old he is? Maybe he’s in my grade.”
            “Nuh-uh, he’s in my grade!”
            “Well I’m gonna go over after dinner and find out!”
            Felix slammed the iced-tea pitcher down hard on the table, causing
all the silverware to rattle.
            Everybody shut up and looked at him.
            “Nobody is going over to the new kid’s house. Ever.”
            Protests started to bubble from half the lips at the table.
            He gave his most sincere, threatening Look.
            “No ands, ifs, buts. If the kid is outside, you can talk to him,
invite him over, whatever. But nobody goes into that trailer.”
            Twelve heads silently nodded. He swore there had been only eleven
that morning; and yet he recognized all the faces. He sighed inwardly. If
anyone ever went missing, would he even know? Did he even know how many were
his?
            None of them, a thought tried to scream in the back of his mind. He
told it to shut up.
            Eating and conversation resumed. Felix picked up a bowl of mac n
cheese and leaned against the counter, eating it silently. He knew they would
listen to him. They were all good kids. They all knew he had their best
interests at heart.
            After he’d gotten as many teeth brushed as possible and everybody
was in a bed, somewhere, Felix sighed, realizing that nobody had taken out the
trash.
            He kicked the screen door open and walked down the dirt road to the
dumpster. He swung the bag over the top and was on his way back when he saw a
shadow out of the corner of his eye.
            He turned quickly, eyeing movement behind a parked car. He listened
and heard nothing, but still quietly walked around the car, peering over the
hood.
            It was the new kid, crouched in the shadows, lithe and flexible as
he sat on his haunches. He peered up and Felix and gave a completely insincere
smile.
            “Have you come to play?” he said, in a British accent that made
Felix’s stomach flutter. He stood up, his body flowing as if he didn’t weigh a
thing. He was thin. Felix’s knee-jerk instinct was to take him home and feed
him supper.  
            When Felix didn’t respond, the grin fell from the kid’s face.
            “I take it you’re not my customer.”
            Felix clenched his jaw.
            “How old are you.”
            The kid shrugged.
            “Dunno.”
            “What’s your name?”
            “Peter.”
            Felix stepped up to him and reached out to shake his hand. Peter
eyed him suspiciously and didn’t clasp it back.
            “I’m Felix.” he said. “Neighbor, from across the street.”
            Peter’s face showed that he was realizing he’d fucked up. Revealed
too much to the wrong person. Felix saw him trying to concoct some excuse.
            “Don’t worry about it. There’s plenty of your type of…business
around here.” he said. “Nobody’s going to bat an eye, really. I'm not gonna
turn you in.”
            When he saw relief on Peter’s face that he wouldn’t call the cops,
he knew just how deep in this kid was.
            “That guy your dad?”
            Peter shrugged.
            “Well.” Felix said. “You wanna come over? Get something to eat?”
            He could see Peter’s face screaming yes.
            “Can’t. Can’t come home without the cash.”
            Felix bit his jaw. If he had that kind of money, he’d have given it
to him himself. But he didn’t.
            There was no way out of this situation, other than for him to leave
Peter to do his “job”.
            “Well.” he said. “If you ever do get hungry, or lonely, or
whatever, any kids are always welcome at our place.” he said.
            “Just kids?” Peter asked. Felix cracked a smile.
            “Trust me, that asshole isn't welcome and if he sets a foot into my
house, I won’t hesitate to shoot.”
            Peter grinned, and this time, it was genuine.
            “Nobody messes with you, do they?”
            “Hell no.” he said. He had eleven…twelve kids to protect. He was
worse than a Mama Bear. Nobody crossed Felix Boyd and wasn’t sorry.
            “Well.” Peter said, leaning against the car, crossing his arms.
Every movement he made was perfectly graceful and fluid. He made Felix feel
like an absolute klutz standing next to him.
“If I can get away for a few hours, I’ll pop over.” he said. “You go to
school?”
            Felix shook his head.
            “Dropped out last year.”
            Peter smiled again.
            “Awesome. I’ll see you in the afternoon, then.”
            “Deal.” Felix said. He stuck out his hand again, and this time,
Peter took it. His palm was warm and sure. Felix already liked everything about
him.
            He spent the walk home with a smile on his face, not realizing it
until he reached the door and saw his reflection in the glass of one of the
living room windows. He found himself thinking that he really hoped Peter
stayed for a while. He fell asleep with the kid’s smile in his mind; the second
smile, the real one.
 
***** Chapter 2 *****
 
Felix was humming away to the vacuum cleaner, doing his best to clean the floor
in Slightly/Curly/John/Michael’s room. It was impossible to keep the house
neat, but he would keep it as roach and rat free as possible. There was a rule,
no eating in bedrooms, but it rarely got enforced. He was down on his knees,
shoving the hand extension under the bottom bunk when he felt a tap on his ass.
            He jumped high enough to hit his head on the ceiling, spun around,
and fell into the precariously stacked pile of toys in the corner. Everything
came falling down around him in an avalanche of Legos and plastic superheroes
and Hotwheels. He looked up to see Peter, standing in the doorway, laughing his
ass off.
            Trying to be annoyed and failing, he reached over and shut off the
vacuum.
            “You’d think a guy like you wouldn’t be so easily startled!” he
said.
            Felix found himself grinning without his permission.
            “I’m used to the people around me making noise.” he said. Peter
threw the grin back at him.
            “So, this is what you do all day? Play nanny?” he asked, as Felix
started re-piling the toys so he could get enough access to the floor to
vacuum.
            “Pretty much.” he said. “Gotta take care of my little brothers.”
            “Brothers?” Peter asked, jump-climbing up to Slightly/Curly’s top
bunk in one swift motion and making himself at home. He leaned on one elbow and
watched as Felix worked. “No sisters?”
            “Mom can’t stand another girl in the house.” he said. “Had a sister
once. She was the oldest, too, two years older than me. Ran off the day she
turned eighteen.” he said. “Wendy.”
            “Huh.” Peter said, flipping through one of Slightly’s dirty
magazines. He snorted at the pictures.
            “Can’t wait till I’m eighteen.” he said. “Gonna get me a gig in one
of these. Be rich.”
            Felix stopped what he was doing and looked up at Peter, who was
wrinkling his nose at the scantily-clad, muscular men in the magazine.
            “Is that what he has planned for you?”
            Peter snorted again, tossing the magazine to the side and leaning
his chin on his palm. “Nah, if he had his way, I’d never grow up and just keep
raking in the dough off the internet.”
            Felix had to struggle not to feel sick. It wasn’t even the
situation that made him feel so nauseated; it was the fact that Peter was so
resigned to it that he was planning his future in this… “career”.
            “Why don’t you try and do something…I dunno, else?” he said. Peter
laughed.
            “Like what? I’m good at this shit, man. Hey, want me to show you?”
            “No!” Felix shouted, horrified.
            Peter only shrugged and rolled onto his back.
            “Suit yourself.”
            Felix didn’t want to have this conversation anymore.
            “So what do you like to do when you’re not…working.”
            Peter rolled over with a grin on his face and a spark in his eye.
            “You like to go on adventures, Felix?”
            The way he said it made a “yes” fly out of Felix’s mouth before his
brain had a chance to be consulted.
            Peter rolled/leapt off the top bunk, landing catlike on his feet.
He grabbed Felix’s hand and was leading him out the door, out of the trailer,
and down the dirt path before Felix even had the wherewithal to say “Where are
we going?”
            “This really awesome place that I found.” he said. “You’re gonna
love it.”
            Felix wondered how Peter was so sure he’d love whatever it was he
was going to show him when they’d known each other for half a day.
            Peter led him to the edge of the trailer park and ducked into the
woods. Felix knew these woods as well as anyone; he’d grown up playing in them,
after all.
            “Some neat treehouses over there…” Peter said, gesturing with a
wave of his palm without stopping. Felix smirked.
            “Thanks. Took years to build ’em.”
            Peter turned and laughed.
            “I knew I liked you.”
            Never letting go of Felix’s hand, almost as if he was afraid Felix
would run if he did, he dragged him further into the woods, then took a sharp
left for no reason, then a right, and dragged them both down the side of a
hill. Leaves and dirt tumbled into the tops of Felix’s sneakers. They passed
the old couch he and the boys had lugged out here a few years ago; it was
nothing but rusted springs and a wooden frame, now.
            They went deeper, and deeper, past the places where Felix usually
played. This far in he normally stuck to the trails, so he wouldn’t get lost;
but Peter didn’t seem to have any sort of direction. He just went, randomly
making turns as if he knew exactly where he was, until all the sounds of the
trailer park faded behind them, until all they could hear were birds and
leaves.
            Peter slowed to a walk, and Felix fell beside him. The hand-holding
became less necessary and more obvious. Felix blushed, staring down at his
shoes for a moment, before looking back up at their surroundings.
            “Just how far are we going?” he asked.
            “Here it is!” Peter shouted, bolting to the left, yanking Felix’s
shoulder as he still did not let go. Felix ran to keep up with him, and when
Peter halted without warning, he plowed into his back.
            “You really need to work on those reflexes.” Peter said. He
released his hand. Felix almost opened his mouth to protest.
            “Isn’t it cool?” Peter said. Felix looked up to see an old, rusted
fence, only a foot high, surrounding about five or six gravestones, some still
standing, some toppled over.
            “I had…no idea this was here.” he said. He walked in through the
empty spot where a gate had once been and looked down at the names.
            Mary Margaret Nolan, David Nolan, Emma Snow, Neal Cassidy. The
dates were impossible to read.
            “How old do you think they are?” Peter asked, leaning down,
squinting.
            “I don’t know. Old. I mean, at least a hundred years, from the
looks of them.”
            “Yeah, that’s what I thought, too.” Peter said. “I wonder if we dig
’em up if there will be treasure in them.”
            Felix balked.
            “We’re not digging up old graves!”
            Peter turned and rose an eyebrow, a smirk spreading across his
face.
            “Not even if I asked nicely?”
            Felix hesitated. Why was Felix hesitating? No! The answer was no.
            “Absolutely not.” he said, but his voice didn’t carry the
conviction he’d intended it to.
            Peter stepped over one of the graves and stopped, two inches from
Felix’s nose. He brought his fingers up under Felix’s chin- as if Felix was a
child, and Peter was the wise grown-up.
            “I like you.” he said. “You really don’t let people push you
around. Except for that fat lady on your couch.”
            He turned and started walking away, and only then did Felix realize
he’d been holding his breath.
            He followed after Peter as he started walking back towards the
trailer park.
            “I gotta keep her happy, so she doesn’t send anyone away.” he said.
Peter gave him a quizzical look, and for the first time possibly ever, he found
himself explaining his family situation to someone.
            “Only me, Wendy, Rufio, John, and Michael are actually related.” he
said. “Well, half-related. Mom used to be a whore, and we were the results.”
            He saw Peter stiffen when he callously used the “w” word, and he
immediately regretted it.
            “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”
            “Whatever.” Peter said. “I know what I am. You were saying?”
            A crack split through Felix’s heart, making it ache for Peter. He
deserved better. He deserved so much better.
            “Curly, the twins, Tootles and Nibs are all from CPS. We get a
monthly check for them. Mom likes the check, but hates being annoyed. If you
annoy her, she’ll send you back. She’s done it before. So I do my best to take
care of everyone, keep them good, so they can stay, have a home.” he said.
            Peter nodded, soundlessly stepping around branches rather than
moving them aside, leaving Felix to crash through the woods like a noisy bear.
            “And the rest?” he asked.
            Felix shrugged.
            “The rest are just strays.” he said. “Kids who couldn’t take living
in their own homes anymore; either from other trailers or somebody brought them
home from school. I don’t think Mom knows which ones are hers and which aren’t,
and I never turn anyone away.” he said. Peter frowned.
            “If only I didn’t have the bastard to chase after me, I’d probably
take you up on that.” Peter said. The crack in Felix’s heart shattered all the
way through, and he had to force himself not to let tears come to his eyes.
            They made their way slowly back to the trailer park, and Felix’s
stomach grumbled.
            “Hey, you want some lunch?” he offered. Peter shrugged, but he
followed Felix into his trailer when they got back.
            “Mom, this is my new friend Peter, he’s having lunch.”
            “Keep it down! I missed what they were saying.” she grumbled back,
not turning her head from the TV. They walked past her and into the kitchen.
            Felix opened up the fridge and rummaged around. He shut it, coming
out empty-handed.
            “Nothing stays uneaten for more than five minutes, I swear.” he
said. He opened cabinet and pulled out some peanut butter.
            “PB & J?”
            Peter shrugged, melting down into a seat in one graceful motion.
            “Whatever’s good.”
            Felix went about making two sandwiches, popped two cans of store-
brand soda, and joined Peter at the table. His guest swallowed his sandwich
down in seconds, and pain ripped at Felix’s heart again.
            “So, you like video games?”
            Peter nodded.
            “Kick ass at them.”
            “Which ones?”
            He snorted and made the cockiest smirk Felix had ever seen on a
face.
            “All of them.”
            Felix smirked back.
            “We’ll see about that.”
            He led Peter into his room. It was cluttered, but the floor was
clean- all three square feet of it. There was space for standing up between the
bed and the closet. The TV sat on an old end table at the foot of the bed, one
controller sprawled across the bed along with the blankets. Felix bent down to
dig around behind the TV for his other controller. Peter sat down on the bed
and stretched his legs out like he owned it, reclining with his hands behind
his head. Felix found the controller and dusted it off, throwing it in Peter’s
general direction. He caught it with only one hand. Felix’s stomach felt a
little flutter, which he ignored.
            He sat down on the edge of the bed, one foot on the floor, trying
not to crowd his new friend. Within half an hour however, they were both too
busy smashing buttons and trying to beat each other for him to care about how
close they sat. Elbowing each other became part of the play. Felix’s combo
broke when Peter jabbed him in the ribs.
            “Cheater!” he shouted, an enormous smile plastered on his face.
            “It’s the only way I play.” Peter retorted. Felix lost track of
time. That was, until he heard the school bus pull up.
            “Shit!” he said. He flew from the bed and ran towards the front
door, ready to greet his twelve younger siblings. Peter followed him,
intrigued.
            Tootles bounded through the door first, holding up a test for Felix
to see.
            “I got an A in spelling!” he said. “You helped me do it, Felix!” he
leapt into Felix’s arms and he pulled him close into his chest.
            “Good job, little man.” he said, spinning the kid in a circle. He
put him down and Peter reached his palm down.
            “High five, kid.” he said. Tootles slapped his hand with a smack,
and Peter laughed.
            “Who’s that?!” Felix heard Nibs shout, as he barreled through the
door carrying…three? backpacks.
            “This is the new kid from across the street.” Felix said. “He’s my
friend.”
            “No fair! You only got to see him first cause you don’t go to
school!”
            Peter laughed again.
            “Hey there, kid. Don’t worry; everyone can be friends with me.”
            “Really?!” Nibs’ eyes lit up and he dug around in his pocket. “Then
here, this is for you!”
            He placed a thimble in Peter’s outstretched palm. He quirked up an
eyebrow and put it into his pocket.
            “Thanks.” he said.
            As the rest of the kids bounded in the door, talking, babbling
about their days, Peter interacted with each one of them- caring about them in
a way Felix thought only he ever would. He ruffled their hair and gave out
high-fives like he’d known them all his life- and they responded to him in the
same manner. Felix knew there was a reason he liked this kid. He had a way
about him that simply made you like him. Long after everybody was in, Felix
found himself still staring at Peter, the corner of his mouth upturned, his
heart a little warmer than it had been in a long time.
            Dinner was the same chaos as always, except now, Felix had help.
When his hands were busy lifting a boiling casserole from the oven, Curly
spilled a glass of water across the table, threatening six kids’ homework
assignments. Before he could even react, Peter had snatched up every piece of
paper, deposited them safely on the counter, and yanked the towel off the oven
door to clean it up.
            During dinner, cries for “more milk” and “I didn’t get enough!”
were answered by Peter’s quick and deft hands, as if he’d been doing this his
whole life. Felix actually found himself sitting down to eat. He noticed that
Peter didn’t eat a morsel- and so he made certain to hide a good helping on a
plate in the microwave, with the mind to force Peter to eat it later.
            When it was time for bed, Felix was standing in one of only two
bathroom doorways, overseeing tooth-brushing, when he felt hands slide up his
shoulders.
            “Hey.”
            He turned, finding Peter’s face unexpectedly close to his. A blush
rose to his cheeks.       
“I gotta get going.” he said.
            “Awwwwww!!!!” came the cries from the bathroom.
            “No, Peter doesn’t have to leave!”
            “Do you, Peter?”
            “Please stay forever!”
            Peter laughed.
            “I’ll see you all tomorrow, okay? But I gotta get home.”
            He slid his thumb over Felix’s cheek- a gesture Felix found
incredibly odd and amazing.
            “Come back later.” he said, his eyes locked onto Peter’s. He
noticed they were green. Chills shot down his spine. “I mean, you never ate
your dinner.”
            “Sure, Felix.” he said, and as he walked away down the hall, Felix
was definitely not staring at his ass and he was definitely not swaying it more
than was necessary.
            “I like him.” Tootles said, spitting toothpaste everywhere when he
spoke.
            “Me too, pal.” Felix said. “Now go rinse your mouth again.”
 
***** Chapter 3 *****
 
Peter came over every day after that. Felix hadn’t realized how much work he
actually did, until he had help. Everyone was actually fed, homeworked, and in
their beds before 10pm, and Felix was getting to have a little time to himself.
            Well, not really to himself. Peter always stayed after all the boys
were in bed, sometimes playing video games, sometimes just chilling. No matter
what they did, Felix found himself looking forward more and more to this part
of the day- the part where he got to spend time with Peter alone, in his room.
            “Do you think they’ll find that rabid dog that bit that kid?” Peter
asked, lying on his back on Felix’s bed, stretched out and taking up all the
space. He tossed a ball in the air and caught it over and over, his nimble
fingers catching it perfectly each time. Felix found his eyes mesmerized by the
repetitive flicking of his wrist, they way his tendons and muscles flexed in
perfect anticipation…
            “Earth to Felix.” Peter said, turning his head. He was now catching
the ball perfectly without looking. Felix forced his gaze away as he leaned
against the closet door. The bed was the only place to sit in his room, and
Peter was taking up all of it.
            “Dunno.” he said. “Graham’s pretty good at tracking animals; if
anyone can get it, he can.”
            Peter nodded, turning his face back up towards the ceiling.
            “You ever hunt?”
            Felix shrugged.
            “Sure, couple times. Graham says I’m a natural, or something. Never
have the time, really.”
            Peter nodded again. He spun and sat up, swinging his legs over the
side of the bed in one continuous motion, catching the ball perfectly between
only two fingers, and depositing it on Felix’s nightstand. For some reason,
that made it harder for Felix to swallow.
            “Think you could teach me?” Peter asked, leaning his back against
the wall.
            “You want to learn how to hunt?”
            Peter shrugged.
            Felix had already learned that when he gave a non-answer like that,
he had ulterior motives. He walked over and sat on the bed next to him, resting
his hands on his knees.
            “What do you really want?” he asked.
            Peter swore to him that he never spoke his ideas aloud to anyone;
but Felix had to take his word for it- because whenever he asked Peter anything
the words tumbled from his mouth like flowing water. Maybe he’d just been
waiting for the right person to listen. Or anyone to listen.
            “I dunno, Felix. What possible use could I have for learning how to
use a gun?”
            Felix’s blood turned cold. He turned to stare at Peter’s face to
see if he was serious.
            “There has to be another way out.”
            “I’m sure there are plenty.” he growled, turning to sit the short
way on the bed so he sat beside Felix.
            Felix found himself clutching his knees.
            “We could call the cops.” he said.
            Peter snorted.
            “Not when the chief is one of my customers.”
            Felix leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. He felt
fingers slide along his shoulder and clasp it firmly. He felt Peter shift until
he was sitting upright, next to him.
            “Dude, it’s fine. We’ll figure something out.”
            Felix didn’t know when all their talking about the future had
started being about “we”. He hadn’t even noticed it happen. It just felt
so…natural. So right.
            He reached up his hand and covered Peter’s with his palm, squeezing
his fingers in reassurance.
            “We’ll figure something out.” he said.
 
            Peter didn’t know how to cook. At first it didn’t matter, because
there was always so much to do- spills to be cleaned up, cuts to be washed,
stories to be listened to, fights to break up, toys to be fixed, that Peter was
as constantly busy as Felix was when the boys came home from school. But then
one morning Felix was tied up in the bathroom- Tootles would not let anyone
else help him change into clean clothes after he’d wet himself again- and
everyone was screaming about how hungry they were. Peter had managed with
cereal, and then demanded to learn how to cook.
            Felix started teaching him, during lunch, when the house was quiet.
Grilled cheese. Spaghetti. Macaroni and cheese. Pancakes. Bacon and eggs. He
was a natural, at least with the stovetop- after the one incident with the
pizza going on fire he stayed away from using the oven- and then Peter was
helping him make dinner, and then Peter was making dinner, and Felix was
sitting down at the table, eating his food like…one of the boys.
            On Saturday morning, Felix was woken up by the rumble of feet
racing each other down the hall. Dragging himself out of bed to monitor
whatever was going on, he opened his door to the smell of breakfast.
            He walked into the kitchen and there was Peter, already with a
plate full of pancakes stacked high, table set, milk and juice already poured
according to everyone’s tastes.
            The boys were all seated around the table, waiting patiently, while
Peter expertly moved from the stove to the counter to the bowl full of batter.
Felix found himself unable to tear his gaze away. His heart was doing weird,
weird things.
            “I know, it’s frickin amazing!” Slightly said.
            “Felix’s brain is broken.” Curly added, laughing.
            Felix tried to stop staring, but then Peter turned and threw him a
wink. Felix’s heart beat double-time, and he couldn’t shake it.
            “Felix, isn’t it great? Peter is the pancake man!” Michael said.
            “No, Peter is the pan. Get it? Pancake plus man?” Nibs retorted,
and everyone groaned.
            “That’s the worst pun you’ve ever said.” John said.
            “That’s not even a pun. It’s just smashing words together.” Rufio
grumbled.
            “Well I like it!’ Nibs shot back. “Peter the pan!”
            “Peter the man!” Michael shot back.
            “Peter the pan!” Nibs retorted.
            “Man!”
            “Pan!”
            “Man!”
            “Pan!”
            “How about we let Peter chose?” Felix said. “I think it’s about
time he got his own name.”
            All eyes flew up with delight.
            “Yeah! Peter needs a name!”
            “Definitely; he’s one of us!”
            “What’s your name, Peter?”
            Felix saw the smirk pulling up at the corner of Peter’s mouth. He
never said as much, but it was obvious he loved helping Felix take care of the
boys; and it meant a lot to him that they liked him.
            He reached down and ruffled Nibs’ hair.
            “Pan is a great name.” he said. Nibs stuck his tongue out at
everyone.
            Peter turned around and picked up the giant stack of pancakes in
his hands.
            “Okay. Whose turn is it to go first?”
            Every hand went up and a chorus of “me’s” rang out. Felix leaned
against the wall, crossing his arms, and enjoyed being able to just watch.
            “Okay, then. How about a game.” he said, that crooked smile pulling
at the corner of his lips. “Here’s how it works. You have to say the name of an
animal. But, it has to be a longer word than the animal the person before you
said. The first person who can’t think of an animal is last to get a pancake.”
            Everybody grinned and nodded their heads.
            “I’ll go first.” Peter said. “Bat.”
            “Bird!” Nibs said.
            “Curly.” Slightly said, grinning.
            “Slightly.” Curly retorted, along with a smack to the back of his
head.
            “Crocodile!” Michael said. All eyes turned to Rufio, to see if that
could be topped.
            “Tyrannosaurus Rex.” Rufio said, and John, who was next, groaned
and buried his head under his arms in defeat.
            Peter started doling out pancakes, starting with Rufio and going
the long way around the table to end at John.
            Felix simply stood, watching, his cheeks growing sore from how long
he’d been smiling. It was like Peter had always been one of them; the partner
Felix never knew he needed and now could never live without.
            It was a gorgeous autumn day, and as soon as breakfast was had the
kids all ran outside to play. Felix and Peter had just finished cleaning up the
kitchen when a bellow echoed from the door of Peter’s trailer.     
            “Boy! Get your ass over here!”
            Peter’s head snapped over to the clock.
            “Shit.”
            He dropped the rag he’d been holding and ran down the hall.
            “Pet…” Felix said meekly, but he was gone, the sound of the screen
door slamming his only reply.
 
***** Chapter 4 *****
 
The weather turned chilly, thus beginning the grand annual argument of who got
which coat.
            “Iiiiiii want the Dallas Cowboys one! I had it last year!” Slightly
screamed in Curly’s face.
            “But you’ve grown since last year and it doesn’t fit you anymore!
It’s my turn!” Curly shouted back.
            “You can still fit into the stupid red one!”
            “No I can’t! And Michael needs it now!”
            “Felix! Who gets the Cowboys coat?” Slightly shouted, storming into
the kitchen where Felix was trying to find two coats that were the same size
for the twins.
            “I don’t know, I’ll be there in a minute.” he said, trying to unjam
a zipper.
            “Pan!” Slightly shouted, running down the hall, Curly hot on his
heels. Felix heard more shouting, then a loud thump, and then a grumbling,
angry Slightly stormed down the hall a minute later, followed by a triumphant
Curly, wearing the beat-up, fifth-time-handed down Cowboys winter coat.
            Felix was able to get the zipper unjammed, but the moment the twin
in front of him tried to close it again, the pull snapped off.
            “Great.” he said. That was a second coat down due to being broken.
They weren’t going to have enough this year.
            The bus honked, and everybody ran outside, everybody in something
warm, even if it wouldn’t zipper or had a torn pocket.
            Rufio walked out last, wearing nothing but a t-shirt.
            “Roof.” Felix said, putting a hand on his brother’s shoulder. Rufio
yanked his shoulder away.
            “Gave mine to Slightly.” he said. “Don’t worry about it.”
            He quietly walked outside and onto the bus, guilt clawing its way
up Felix’s throat and threatening to choke him. There weren’t enough coats for
his brothers.
            Peter noticed his expression and raised an eyebrow as the bus
pulled away and they walked back inside. Though Felix didn’t want to answer, he
never really could ignore Peter’s eyebrows when they asked him questions.
            “Rufio, Twin A, and Michael all need coats…” he said, forcing his
voice to remain steady.
            “And what about you?”
            Peter’s voice was soft and full of concern.
            Felix shrugged.
            “I don’t matter. They need to be warm.”
            “You matter.”
            Felix spun around and gave Peter a sharp look.
            “No I don’t.” he snapped, and shoved off into the kitchen,
clattering pots as he washed them.
 
            The weather grew colder. Playing outside became impossible, and so
the trailer was louder and noisier than ever. Weekends were chaos, and were
made even worse by the fact that Peter was rarely around on weekends. Felix did
his best not to think about where he was, because dwelling on that thought for
even a moment made his heart ache.
            Weekdays were pleasant, however. The boys would settle down
earlier, the psychological effect of it being dark outside sooner, and it gave
Felix and Peter more time to themselves to relax on Felix’s bed and talk about
nothing.
            The pillows were propped up against the wall at the head of the bed
and Felix leaned on them, and Peter leaned on him. They were squished together,
pressed tightly at the sides, both boys’ fingers mashing buttons on the
controllers as they tried to beat each other. Felix could feel the muscles
flexing in Peter’s arm with every button he pressed, and no matter how many
times they spent their evenings like this, Felix never grew tired of it.
            “Fucking bastard.” Peter snapped, dropping his controller in his
lap as Felix destroyed him with a final blow. He smirked in satisfaction. Peter
threw his head back in frustration, leaning it on the top of the pillow stack,
inches from Felix’s face.
            “Done for now?” Felix gloated.
            “You only beat me because you own it. You play when I’m not here.”
Peter accused.
            Felix snorted.
            “Right. Like I have two seconds to sit down and play anything when
you’re not here.” he said. Peter turned, his face now two inches from Felix’s
ear.
            “So you’re saying I just suck.”
            Felix shrugged, his shoulder bumping Peter’s chin from the motion.
He could feel Peter’s breath on his ear, steady, close. His entire body grew
warm, and he again became aware of every single place Peter touched him- his
shoulder, down his left arm, his hip, his left leg. Peter was so close Felix
could swear he could feel his smile, even though he hadn’t turned his head to
look.
            “Felix.” Peter said, his voice soft, airy.
            “What.”
            “You’re ear is turning allllllll red.”
            It bloomed after that, the heat spreading around the shell of
Felix’s ear and across his face in a blush.
            “So?” he said, without turning his face, staring up at the ceiling.
            “So.” Peter said, turning so he was laying on his side. “Come on,
Felix. We’ve been laying close like this, in your bed, for weeks…”
            “And?”
            “I know you want to kiss me.”
            If any inch of Felix’s face hadn’t been red before, it was now. He
swallowed nervously and Peter rolled so he lay on Felix’s chest, his face
hovering above him. Felix’s heart pounded as he felt the weight of Peter’s
entire body on top of him.
            “So why haven’t you?”
            Felix stared up into his green eyes, which struck him every time
with just how stunning they were, and tried to form words.
            “I.” he tried. Peter laughed, his eyes crinkling up at the sides,
his entire face beautiful when he was happy like this.
            “I just…didn’t want to make you think…that was all I wanted…from
you.”
            It came out horrific. It brought into the light everything they
never talked about. Reminding Peter about his life when he left the Boyd
trailer was something Felix never, ever, ever wanted to do.
            Peter laughed. Felix felt his voice reverberate through his chest,
not a drop of pain on his face. He gave Felix an endearing expression, reaching
up to brush a strand of Felix’s hair back from his eyes.
            “You are so damn beautiful.” Peter said, his eyes bright and
shining. “I have never once thought that about you.”
            Felix somehow became even more aware of his surroundings. Peter’s
chest pressed against his, the weight of him pressing down upon Felix with the
most pleasant sensation he’d ever felt. Peter’s heart, beating against his
chest, as hard and fast as his was; the heat coming off his fingers as he left
his hand on the side of Felix’s face, though the strand of hair was long pushed
out of the way.
            “I just…don’t want…to ruin what we have.” Felix said softly, his
voice almost a whisper.
            “Baby, just what is it you think we have?”
            Felix’s face flushed crimson. Baby?
            “A…friend….friendship.” he said, his voice shallow and coming out
in barely more than a whisper. His eyes involuntarily drifted down to Peter’s
lips, flush and slightly parted, his breath washing over Felix’s face and down
his neck. “You…you don’t…have to be this way, with me.” he said.
            Peter’s smile grew wider and he looked down, a slight blush rising
to his cheeks.
            “I know.” he whispered. “That’s what makes me want to.”
            Felix’s heart both ripped in half and shone at the same time. Peter
had never had a choice before…and now, when he did, he was choosing Felix.
            Felix lifted his hand slowly towards Peter’s face, brushing his
fingers lightly across his cheek. Peter closed his eyes, tilting his head to
press his face further into Felix’s hand.
            “If all you want is a friendship,” Peter began, the pain in his
voice coming through even as he tried to mask it, “…then I will be oka…”
            “I don’t.”
            Peter’s eyes opened and stared back into his face.
            “Kiss me.” Felix said, the air around him thick as he breathed in
Peter’s scent, felt his chest pressing down on him. Peter lowered his face, his
smile melting into another expression as his lips came close to Felix’s. His
bottom lip pressed between Felix’s, his top one resting just above his mouth.
Then he pulled back gently, just a hair, and pressed down again. Felix didn’t
move. He was unable to; all of his attention focused on Peter’s lips pressing
against his, the rest of his body completely forgotten.
            Peter opened his mouth a bit, the heat from between his lips
drawing Felix into him, lifting his chin to get closer. Peter pressed down
harder, sucking Felix’s bottom lip into his mouth. Felix’s pulse throbbed in
his throat, face, and ears. He had never had a kiss like this. In fact, those
other kisses no longer counted. This was his first one. His only one.
            Peter pulled away, his half-closed eyes rising to meet Felix’s
gaze. His breath was unsteady, his light brown hair shaking slightly as he held
his face above Felix’s.
            Felix allowed the smile he was feeling to spread across his face.
            “So?” Peter asked, barely any breath in his voice.
            “Yeah.” Felix said. Peter ducked his face and buried it in Felix’s
neck, almost as if he were…shy.
            Felix reached up his hand and stroked his hair, wanting to say
something, but all the words he thought of were ugly and horrific and would
botch this entire moment.
            “I know how this is going to sound.” Peter said softly into his
ear. “But I’m counting that as my first kiss.”
            Without thinking about it, Felix lifted his arms and wrapped them
around Peter, holding him to his chest, stroking the back of his head with his
palm.
            “Me too.” he whispered.
            Peter gave a laugh, his voice muffled by the pillows and Felix’s
neck. Neither of them moved for a long time, not wanting to end the perfection
of a beautiful moment in two lives where that was so rare. Eventually Felix
started to lose the blood in his arm that was under Peter, and he tried to
shift it a little, only to realize that Peter had fallen asleep. He turned and
kissed the side of his forehead gently until he stirred.
            “Hey.” he said. The smile on Peter’s face was uninhibited and
genuine, his eyes sleepy.
            “Hey.” he said.
            “It’s past midnight.” Felix said. “You gotta get…back?”
            He felt Peter’s entire body tense.
            “No reason to go there till noon tomorrow.” he said, his voice
choppy as he spoke through grit teeth. Felix heard the question he didn’t ask
behind the false anger.
            “Why don’t you sleep in my bed tonight.” he said softly. He felt
all the tension melt away from Peter like a spring thaw. Felix wished he could
do more for him. But a night’s solace was all he had to give.
            Peter shifted his socked feet up to the head of the blanket and
slipped under the covers without disturbing Felix at all. Felix allowed the
smile show on his face this time as Peter did something so…Peter. He stood up
from bed and opened his dresser, yanking out a pair of flannel pajama pants. He
tossed them at Peter, who managed to change out of his jeans and into them
completely under the covers- which was entirely unfair.
            Felix dug out another pair of pajama pants and reached up to undo
his jeans, when he halted, suddenly shy. He looked up to see Peter staring at
him, his eyes trained exactly where Felix’s hands were at his fly. When he
paused, Peter looked up at his eyes and raised one eyebrow, waiting. Blushing
deep red, Felix unbuttoned his jeans and let them fall to the floor, yanking on
his pajama pants before his dick grew hard enough to be seen through his
boxers.
            Peter flipped back the blanket with his arm and nodded at the space
beside him, that cocky grin that turned Felix’s bones to jelly on his face.
Felix crawled into his own bed, face burning, heart racing. He slid down
Peter’s body, feeling every inch of him, small and warm and muscular, until
they were lying beside each other. Peter threw the covers over him and snuggled
into his chest. Felix wrapped his arms tightly around him, wanting to protect
him, wanting to give him everything. He deserved everything.
           
            On Saturday, Felix piled all the boys into the pickup truck to head
to the church coat drive. Everybody without a coat crammed into the cab, and
everybody else was packed into the bed. Usually there were more there than just
coats- they’d probably find sweatshirts and flannel pajamas and all manner of
warm clothes, enough to get them through the winter. Felix’s gaze lingered
longer than it should on Peter’s trailer as he backed up and pulled onto the
dirt road. His blood turned sour.
            He threw the truck in park angrily, twelve pairs of eyes staring at
him with curiosity as he hopped down from the cab.
            “Where are you going?”
            “Gonna see if Pan wants to come.” he said. Everybody perked up and
chattered their excited approval as Felix marched toward that trailer door.
            He pounded on it with the side of his fist, loudly enough that the
door shook on its hinges.
            It opened surprisingly quickly, revealing the muscular man whose
name Felix didn’t even know, because Peter always just referred to him as “the
asshole.” He had a cigar hanging from his mouth and wore a collared button-down
shirt over a pair of sweatpants.
            “Who’re you.”
            “Neighbor, from across the street. Friends with your kid. Wanted to
see if he could hang out.”
            The man looked down the hallway, a creepy grin spreading across his
face.
            “He’s workin’.”
            Felix’s blood boiled. Ideas of savagely lurching forward to wrap
his hands around this man’s neck, beating his face in with his fists, and other
violent images flashed through his mind.
            Felix wanted to interrupt. Wanted to stop it. Wanted to do
anything.
            But every action he could think of- marching in there, throwing the
door open, trying to fight this guy, all of them only resulted in Peter being
humiliated and hurt. He already knew the reason he couldn’t call the cops. Not
that he was sure he’d have the strength to do that- he didn’t know if he could
live without Peter in his life, or Peter without him.
            “’kay, just tell him I came by.” was all Felix managed.
            “Whatever.”
            The door slammed in his face.
            Felix had to hold the tears back as he slammed the door of the cab
closed and threw the truck back into gear.
            “Pan can’t come?” Twin A asked him from his placed crammed in the
middle seat.
            “No.”
            He drove down the road too quickly, causing the boys in the back to
fly into the air when he hit a pothole, making them squeal with delight. At
least they didn’t know. At least they could be happy.
 
            By Monday night, Felix was still angry. Peter was talking to him,
but Felix only lay in the bed, body rigid, eyes boring a hole into the ceiling.
            “Fee.” Peter said. “Fee. Fee.”
            Felix’s view of the ceiling became obscured, and he felt lips press
gently to his. The tension melted out of his body and he closed his eyes, lost
for just a moment in something nice, in Peter, in his warmth and taste.
            He pulled away and looked down at him with concern.
            “What’s gotten into you?” he asked, his eyebrows lifting up to
worry his forehead.
            “We went to the coat drive on Saturday.” he said.
            Peter folded is hands on Felix’s chest and rested his chin on them.
            “Did they not have your color?”
            Felix couldn’t help the smile that cracked at the corner of his
lips. He grabbed a pillow and smacked Peter on the side of the head with it.
            “No, I…”
            He stopped. He knew Peter didn’t ever want him to come to his
trailer. He’d never explicitly said so; but the way in which he refused to talk
about it made it pretty clear that he didn’t want Felix knowing about that part
of his life. He didn’t know what he’d even been thinking on Saturday. Nothing
smart.
            “I just…forgot to get a coat for myself.” he said. Peter gave him a
Look.
            “That is not what’s had you distracted for the past half hour.”
            Felix sighed and stared at the ceiling again.
            Peter’s head disappeared from his vision as he rested his face in
the crook of Felix’s neck.
            “It’s okay.” he said softly. “You don’t want to talk about it, I’m
not gonna make you.”
            Felix sighed heavily, and wrapped an arm around Peter, stroking his
palm across his back.
            “I’ll just make you forget about it for now.” he heard, and then
felt lips press into his neck. He gasped, and the color of the entire world
changed; red spreading across his skin as desire spread across his mind. Peter
pressed another kiss, and then another, lifting his head to plant his lips more
squarely on Felix’s skin. His breath increased and he closed his eyes, feeling
Peter’s lips move gently down his neck to where it met his shoulder. Peter
sucked, and Felix’s entire body shuddered as pinpricks of heat traveled through
his skin. His heart was going to wear itself out if it went any faster.
            “P…Peter…” he whispered. Peter’s lips moved a bit, deeper into the
crook of his neck, and he sucked again. A whimper escaped Felix’s lips and he
threw his hand up to his mouth to stifle it. Peter’s hand slid along his arm
from his elbow to his hand, where his fingers wrapped around his wrist and
slowly pulled his hand away from his mouth.
            “Let me hear you.” he said, his voice thick and dripping. He sucked
Felix’s skin into his mouth again and Felix let the cry escape his lips. Peter
moaned, moving closer to him, molding their bodies together as his hand slid
across Felix’s stomach to rub at his side, just above his hip.
            “Damn, Fee.” he said softly, taking a breath before he dove in to
suck again. Felix’s knees lifted up of their own accord, his body twitching
from sensation. Peter’s fingers clasped tightly at his side, holding him as he
kissed his neck. Felix muscles became absolutely useless and he lay, like a
puddle, helpless to whatever Peter wanted to do to him.
            Peter moved his lips up and over Felix’s throat. He kissed over his
Adam’s apple and in the process, moved his entire body to lay on top of Felix.
His hands drifted up Felix’s sides as his kisses found their way up to his
lips. He pressed down on Felix’s lips, hard, sucking his bottom lip into his
mouth. His tongue emerged and tickled across Felix’s lip, making him breathe in
air hard as he gasped.
            Peter’s fingers lightly traced down Felix’s arms until he found his
hands. He entwined their fingers and raised Felix’s hands above his head,
pressing them hard down into the mattress, almost as hard as his lips pressed
Felix’s head down into the pillows.  
            Peter sucked at his bottom lip, his tongue tracing over it as if he
were candy, licking him more and more desperately. He felt Peter exhale
heavily, and then his tongue wasn’t satisfied enough with just his lower lip.
            Peter pressed it against Felix’s teeth, traced along them, and
moaned softly.
            It took Felix a minute to think with enough clarity to realize what
Peter wanted. Nervous but excited beyond thinking, Felix parted his teeth and
allowed Peter’s tongue into his mouth.
            Peter groaned and that sound did more to make Felix helpless than
what he was feeling. Peter shifted his entire body like a serpent, his head
rising to hover over Felix’s so that his tongue could dive deep into his mouth.
Hands captured by Peter’s fingers above his head, body pressed down into the
mattress by his chest, Felix forgot how to move and never wanted to remember.
Peter’s tongue licked over his, then under it, then he sucked, drawing it into
the heat of his mouth. Felix complied, sliding his tongue along Peter’s, the
flavor invading his body as he swallowed.
            Peter pulled away, lifting his face to hover over Felix’s, their
eyes gazing into each other for what felt like forever. Felix was lost in a sea
of emerald green and red, blushed cheeks, all the shit of life he’d been
worrying about far, far forgotten.
            “You’re fucking beautiful.” Peter whispered. Felix looked down and
would have blushed, had his cheeks not already been as flushed as they could
possibly get.
            “No, you really are.” Peter said, sliding off of Felix to lay
beside him. He released his hands, his fingers tracing down Felix’s cheek as he
spoke softly into his ear.
            “You’re everything I ever dreamed of.”
            As usual, as always, Felix had nothing to say. So many thoughts
raced through his mind, none of which seemed like anything he should say. He
knew that in Peter’s kisses were a hundred tongues, years of experience, and
yet he felt like he was his only one. He was his only one.
            Felix raised a hand to stroke it through Peter’s hair. He didn’t
know how to say how he felt without dragging Peter’s shit life into it. He
didn’t know what to say.
            “This might not make sense,” Peter said, “But when I’m with you, I
feel like a fucking giddy virgin.”
            Felix wrapped his other arm around him and pulled him close.
            “You are to me.” he said softly, and he felt Peter relax in his
arms, not realizing how much tension he’d been carrying until he let it go.
Once again Peter fell asleep beside him, and this time Felix only pulled the
covers up to his chin and rolled over to shut off the lamp.
 
            In the morning, Peter was gone. For a moment, he was hurt—then
reminded himself Peter never left because he wanted to. He heard the sound of
two boys screaming at each other down the hall and groaned with annoyance. He
stretched his back and yawned, rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, and put his
hand on the door knob.
            That was when he noticed the sweatshirt hanging from it by the
hood. It was a dark chocolate color, very thick and warm, and too big for
anyone Felix knew. He picked it up and saw the note taped to it.
            “B/c you forgot to buy a coat. And to cover the hickys.”
            Felix blushed crimson all over again. His hand flew to his neck to
rub against it as he closed his eyes with memory. He lifted the hoodie over his
head and pulled it down, yanking the hood up over his head. It was a little
loose even on him; he couldn’t imagine why Peter would own such a thing. He
felt itching by his left wrist and scratched…his hand feeling a tag and pulling
it out. It was new.
            Felix couldn’t even begin to comprehend how or when Peter had
obtained a brand new hoodie, in Felix’s size. Baffled and amazed, he yanked the
tag off and opened the door to hear the screaming start again. He marched down
the hall and tried to get into full-on discipline mode, but with his body
covered by Peter, surrounded by Peter, he found it impossible to become even
remotely angry.
           
            The hoodie was only the beginning of the gifts. Not long after,
Felix found a brand-new pair of sneakers lying on his nightstand when he woke
up. After that, it was a stack of new jeans, in the impossible-to-find extra
tall size Felix needed. Then it was six new sets of bed sheets, after Felix
told Peter Tootles’ bed-wetting had ruined almost all the sheets they had.
            Peter always left the gifts when Felix was sleeping, and always
changed the subject when he tried to ask about them.
            “But where are you getting…”
            “I’m not stealing things, if that’s what you think.”
            “I didn’t say…”
            “Does it matter, then?”
            “I guess not really, but…”
            “Dammit Felix, can’t I take care of you?”
            Pleasant feelings rose up through Felix’s chest as he lay on his
bed, Peter sitting in his lap, wrapped in his arms. They were looking at the
TV, though neither of them was actually watching it.
            “Take care of me?”
            “Well, yeah.” he said. “What did you think I was doing?”
            “I…uh…”
            “Look. You and the boys need shit. I can provide it. Can we just
leave it at that?”
            Felix tried to nod. He really wanted to nod. He was learning that
he had this need to always want to say yes to Peter, regardless of the question
or request. Most of the time, he did; but on this, well…
            “I just…I need to know what you’re giving up to get this stuff.”
            Peter shrugged.
            “Nothing I don’t give up all the time anyway.”
            Rottenness wormed its way into the room, clawing its way up Felix’s
throat and threatening to choke him.
            “Just. Tell me. Please.” Felix said. Peter snorted.
            “Why?”
            Felix wrapped his arms tighter around him, as if he could somehow
protect him, somehow make this okay.
            “Because somebody else needs to fucking know. You need to tell
someone about the shit you go through. Because I want to know your life, every
piece, the way you know mine. I want to be there for you, the way you are for
me…”
            Felix was cut off by Peter’s lips over his mouth, kissing him, and
kissing him, his breath flowing into him, and Felix let the rest of his rant
fade away into Peter’s kisses. He pulled away, and Felix saw the pain on his
face, his brow furrowed, his eyes glistening with a hint of wetness.
            “I want to spare you.” he said.
            Felix sat up, holding Peter’s hands in his.
            “No. You have to go through it, so I have to go through it. And
then we will find a way out.”
            Peter shrugged and pulled away from Felix, rolling over so he
stared at the ceiling. Felix lay down beside him, not wanting to stare, and
understanding why Peter couldn’t make eye contact.
            “Well. Weekdays, customers come over, you know, after work, which
is why I leave after the boys get home.” he said. “Fuck me however they want,
touch me wherever, however, do whatever they want to me. The asshole has three
rules—pay in full or you don’t come back, prove you’re clean, and don’t
permanently mark the merchandise.” Peter said, gesturing down at his own body.
            Felix wanted to ball his hands into fists, wanted to scream and set
the trailer across the road from him on fire—but instead he wrapped his fingers
into Peter’s hand, to show him that none of this would separate them. Nothing.
No one.
            “Then on weekends he makes movies.”
            Felix’s entire body tensed and he felt a feral growl trying to form
in his throat.
            “I really don’t like making you upset like this…” Peter said.
            “Tell me, Peter. We have to be in this together.”
            Peter wasn’t looking at him. He turned his head away to stare at
the wall.
            “It used to be mostly him, doing things to me, in the movies. But
after awhile that didn’t sell so much anymore; there was enough footage of it
going around, I guess. So now he lets other people in on it. Whoever’s willing
to have their body on the internet, I guess. Their faces never get shown, only
mine.”
            Felix had to fight to keep bile from rising in his throat.
            “We moved here because the last place we lived, he had too many
people…involved. And word was kinda leaking out that something was going on. So
we left.”
            Felix didn’t say anything. There was nothing for him to say.
            “It’s always been like this, since I can remember.” Peter said. “I
don’t think he’s my father. I think he probably stole me, or something. He
doesn’t know my name, you know.”
            Felix frowned, confused.
            “He calls me Malcolm. They all do. Nobody’s called me Peter
since…you’re the first person who I’ve told…”
            He sighed heavily and cut off his own thought.
            “So anyway. The asshole has a shitton of money. Money isn’t tight
for him. He doesn’t notice a few hundred missing here or there. And I can get
it, as much as I want, I know where he keeps it, I just…never had a use for it,
before. And other shit, I get from his customers. All I do is email them before
they come, tell them I want this gift or that gift, and they bring it, and I
give them an extra few minutes, or do an extra service for them, or something.”
            Felix’s hands automatically started to ball into fists at the
thought of his gifts coming from Peter whoring himself…
            Peter sat up and looked him directly in the eyes, green emeralds
sparkling in the dim light from the lamp on the dresser, his brow pleading, his
expression desperate.
            “Please don’t say you don’t want what I give you, now. Please. I
can provide for you. I can take care of you. I have to. I’ve got to get
something good out of this.”
            Felix inhaled slowly, forcing himself to calm down. He reached up
his fingers and brushed them across Peter’s cheek.
            “I won’t refuse your gifts.” he said. “You can give me anything. Or
take anything from me. I’ll never refuse you. I’ll give you everything I have.”
he said. He hadn’t meant to sound so…serious, but once it came out, he realized
he meant every word.
            Peter leaned down and kissed him again, his lips gentle, slow, and
full of gratefulness.
            “We’ll find a way out, Peter.” he said. His boyfriend laid his head
down on his chest and neither of them spoke after that. Eventually they drifted
off to sleep, on the new sheets, Felix in his new clothes, surrounded by
Peter’s gifts. He would not refuse them and throw away what Peter was
sacrificing to get them. He had to sacrifice it anyway; if he found this little
bit of goodness in it, Felix wouldn’t dare take that away.
                                                                             
 
***** Chapter 5 *****
 
Felix woke up in the middle of the night to Curly barging into his room. He
jerked up into a sitting position, Peter rising behind, him, rubbing his eyes
as the light flicked on.  
            “Felix, Pan, you gotta do something. Tootles locked himself in the
bathroom and he won’t come out. He’s crying and I dunno, something’s wrong.”
           Felix flew to his feet and was down the hall in seconds, his hand
jiggling the shitty doorknob of the bathroom until he got it open. He closed it
softly behind him and saw Tootles, sitting on the floor, sobbing and hugging
his knees.
            Felix knelt down to his level and stroked his hand over his hair.
            “What’s the matter, little guy?” he said gently. “Did you wet your
bed again?”
            Tootles shook his head no, and only pointed at the toilet. Felix
peered over to look into it. It was full of red.
            His blood chilled. He didn’t know anything about medical stuff, but
he knew that wasn’t right.
            “It burns, when I go.” he said, sobbing into his arms.
            “It’s okay, buddy. We’ll get it fixed. I’ll get you to a doctor,
somehow. Come here.”
            He opened his arms and slid them under his youngest brother,
lifting his little body with ease.
            “Pan, can you open…” Felix started.
            Peter had the door open in seconds. His brow was furrowed, one
eyebrow raised in deep concern. Behind him were six pairs of eyes, just as
worried, all looking to Felix for help, for what to do.
            He had no fucking idea what to do. Should he pile everyone into the
pickup truck, for the frozen two-hour drive to the hospital? Should he dial
911? Then who would go with Tootles when the ambulance came? Who would watch
the rest of the boys? He couldn’t be in two places at once. His gaze fell to
Peter, the uncertainty and fear evident only to him, as Felix tried to look
strong for the boys.
            “Go. I’ll get everybody ready for school in the morning.” Peter
said.
            “Are you su…”
            “Go.”
            Felix nodded once, grateful, and swept Tootles out the door and
into the kitchen. Curly brought him is coat and Felix zipped it on him, pulling
up the hood of his own hoodie as he grabbed the truck keys off the hook in the
kitchen.
            He didn’t have any idea how much a hospital cost, nor if they would
treat a kid who didn’t have any money or any insurance. He was pretty sure they
had to treat a child no matter what, or something. He had opened the front door
and was stepping out of it when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder.
            “Don’t worry about us here.” Peter said. He leaned up and kissed
Felix’s cheek, that bit of warmth being just enough to get him through the
biting wind and to the cab of the truck.
            He placed Tootles down in the passenger seat, buckling him in
securely before slamming the door and running around to the driver’s side. He
revved the engine and barreled down the dirt road, turning onto the highway
easily, because there wasn’t another vehicle in sight. It was then he finally
checked the clock and saw it was 3:14 am.
            He carried Tootles, who was now asleep, into the ER of County
General. There were very few people around. He didn’t know what to do. He saw a
desk and ran over to it.
            “How do I see a doctor?” he asked.
            The receptionist looked up and pointed at a sign two doors down
that said “Triage.”
            He walked over there and entered, finding a nurse at a desk. She
looked exhausted and like she didn’t have an ounce of patience left.
            “What’s the problem.” she said, not looking up from her screen.
            “He’s been wetting his bed for, I dunno, a few months now? Since
the summer. But tonight he woke up and said it burns and there was blood coming
out instead of…piss…”       
            She turned and for the first time saw Tootles, curled up and asleep
over Felix’s shoulder. Her entire demeanor changed. Her face melted and became
much kinder.
            “Oh, you poor little thing.” she said to him. She looked up at
Felix.
            “Are you his father?”
            “Uh..no. I’m his brother.”
            She nodded.
            “It’s alright, we’ll help him. Now tell me the symptoms again.”
            Felix went over it again, fear pounding in his heart. Should he
have noticed sooner? Was bed wetting a sign of something? He just thought
Tootles was kind of…young.
            “What’s the angel’s name?” she said.
            “Too…Charlie Boyd.” he said.
            “And how old is he?”
            “Six.”
            She asked him a million questions, all of which Felix easily knew
the answers to. He tried to tell himself that meant he was a good brother. He
was paying attention; he was absolutely certain about such things as what
Tootles had eaten, that he had no allergies, his previous medical history…which
was none.
            “Okay. Now let’s gently sit him in this chair, I need to take his
vitals.”
            Tootles woke up groggily as the nurse slipped a thermometer into
his mouth and started to take his blood pressure. His hand then flew to his
groin and he started to cry.
            “Felix, it burns!” he said.
            “It’s alright, sweetie. We’ll fix you right up.” the nurse said.
“You’ll see the doctor soon.”
            “Soon” turned out to be forty-five minutes later, most of which
time Tootles spent dozing or crying. They were finally given a stretcher for
Tootles to lie on, where the doctor examined him. He asked Felix to take him
into the bathroom and get him to pee in a cup, which only made him cry more as
he screamed how it hurt. They finally managed that, and by then it was 6am and
Felix was having a hard time keeping himself awake.  
            The test finally came back and the doctor came in to explain that
Tootles had a kidney infection. It was thankfully perfectly curable with some
antibiotics. He wrote them a prescription, explained to Felix how the medicine
to be taken, and they were finally on their way home just as the sun was coming
up.
            On the way into town, Felix stopped at the drugstore. He gave them
the prescription and waited, exhausted, anxious, worried. The pharmacist came
back and said cheerfully, “That’ll be $300.”
            Felix balked.
            “For medicine?”
            “You don’t have insurance, honey.”
            He just stared at her, fought the urge to either cry or wring her
neck, and stormed out. Walls were closing in on him from all sides. Tootles
needed that medicine- he was hurting, he was sick. What, were cures only for
rich people? What did they expect him to do?
            He slammed the door of the cab and sped home, anger fueling his
pressure on the gas pedal.
            “Did you get my medicine?” Tootles asked from beside him. Guilt ate
away and Felix’s resolve, taking every bit of strength he had to keep his face
in its usual calm, emotionless expression.
            “They need time to…get it ready.” he said. “I’m gonna take you home
and put you to bed, and then I’ll come back for it later.”
            It broke Felix’s heart with how easily Tootles believed him. How
much he trusted him. How much he depended on him.
            He pulled into the driveway long after the bus had come for school.
Peter held open the door for him as he carried Tootles inside and gently laid
him in his bed. He shut the door softly and walked back to his room, where he
unloaded all of his frustration and fears onto Peter.
            “He has a kidney infection, which is perfectly curable, except I
can’t afford the medicine!” he said. “It’s $300 and I’ve never seen that kind
of money in my life, I don’t know how to get something like that, I don’t know
if there are any charities that can help, I don’t know what to do, meanwhile,
he’s in pain, he’s hurting, he’s…”   
            Peters hands reached out and grabbed Felix’s wildly gesturing ones.
He squeezed them tightly and looked into his eyes.
            “It’ll be okay.” he said. “I’ll get the money.”
            Felix’s face tensed as he knew what that meant. Exhausted, sleep-
deprived, and more stressed than he’d ever felt in his life, Felix’s eyes
quivered and tears spilled over. He sat down on the bed, head hung in shame.
Peter sat beside him and wrapped his arm around his shoulder, pulling him
close. He rested his head on Peter’s shoulder and sobbed, the crushing weight
of the world just too much for him today. He couldn’t do it. He wasn’t meant
for this. He was only seventeen, for fuck’s sake!
            Peter comforted him for a long time, stroking his fingers through
his hair, not saying anything, letting him get it all out. Then he gently laid
him down in the bed and pulled off his shoes. He pulled the blankets up to his
chin and gave him five or six kisses on his cheek.
            “Just sleep for now, Fee.” he said softly. “You’ve been awake all
night. Just rest. I’ll take care of it.”
            Felix wanted to argue. Wanted to stop this. Wanted to do anything,
but he could not. There was nothing he could do. He had no choices. In fact, if
it weren’t for Peter, he wouldn’t even have a way to help Tootles at all. So he
let the exhaustion catch up to him. He let his eyes close, and rested, while
Peter sacrificed everything, because in that moment he had nothing left to give
an no other way out.
 
 
            Felix didn’t see Peter for three days. The first day was the worst,
as Tootles stayed home from school, alternating between crying in his bed and
sleeping. Felix brought him lunch in his room, read him a story, played a board
game with him; anything to distract him. He even let him come into his room and
play his video games- something nobody was allowed to do- until the poor kid
fell asleep in Felix’s arms.
            The next morning, Felix woke up to a stack of cash on his
nightstand. When he counted it, it was four hundred and thirty-six dollars, and
his hands shook as he counted it. Not daring to think about how Peter got it,
he only let the love he felt from Peter seep into his heart. Peter gave this to
him. For Tootles. He’d never, in his life, felt this cared about. Never.
            He raced down to the drugstore and bought the medicine, and with
the extra money he bought some children’s painkillers and some candy, too. He
shoved the rest into his pocket to put in a safe place, for the next emergency.
He rushed home, read the directions on the bottle three times, and coaxed
Tootles to drink the yucky medicine with the promise he could have the candy
afterwards.
            The next day, Tootles was feeling a bit better. He still cried here
and there, but not nearly as much. Felix’s attention was still fully focused on
him, and so he hardly noticed Peter’s absence until everyone else came home-
and for the first time in months, Felix had to handle everyone’s problems on
his own. He collapsed into his bed, exhausted and stressed, and glanced at what
he now considered Peter’s pillow.
            On the third day, worry started to set in. He did his daily chores
and tried not to think about it, but as the hours wore on, he contemplated more
and more marching over to that trailer to see if he was okay. He knew Peter
didn’t want him over there; but what if he was missing? Or hurt? And here Felix
was, doing nothing about it.
            He had the boys in bed and was pulling on his shoes to go outside
when he heard the front door slam closed. He rushed out into the hall and swept
Peter into his arms, lifting him up and clasping him tightly as he carried him
into his room.
            He shut the door and pressed kisses to his lips, which Peter
returned feverishly. They stumbled to the bed and Felix pinned Peter under him,
kissing his lips, his cheeks, his forehead, his chin. Peter started to giggle.
            “Down, boy.” he said. Felix got off of him and sat up.
            “I was so fucking worried.”
            “Sorry.” Peter said, rearranging his shirt back into a semi-normal
position. “The asshole dragged me to the city for a few days. There wasn’t any
way I could warn you or tell you, or…”
            Felix’s lips were back on Peter’s, but they didn’t stay there long.
He kissed his cheeks, his jaw, his neck. Peter fell back to the bed and moaned
softly.
            “I thought he’d made you move, I thought you were hurt, I thought…”
            “I’m fine.”
            Felix couldn’t stop kissing him. He rolled on top of Peter,
pressing his body into the bed, moving his lips down his neck gently, knowing
he couldn’t leave any marks for fear of getting Peter in trouble. He kissed
down to where his neck met his collar bone and wanted to suck- but settled for
licking instead. Peter moaned softly under him, tilting his head to let Felix
in.
            “Fee.” he whispered. Peter lifted his hips, and Felix felt his
erection press against his leg. Heat bled through Felix’s body, a deep blush
spreading across his cheeks. He lifted his head so his face hovered over
Peter’s. Those perfect green eyes he was so in love with were half-closed,
cheeks flushed red, lips swollen and moist.
            “Lie down.” Peter said softly. Without even considering it, Felix
obeyed, lying on his back as Peter sat up beside him.
            Peter’s hands slid over Felix’s chest, down to his stomach where
his fingers curled under his hoodie. He pulled it up, and Felix sat up a bit to
help him get it off. Then Peter lay beside him, pressing their bodies together,
so close, so warm. He pressed soft kisses into Felix’s neck, rubbing his palm
over Felix’s chest, covered now by only a thin gray t-shirt. His fingers
tickled over his nipples, making Felix’s breath catch in his throat. He felt
Peter’s smirk press into his neck as his fingers tickled down over his stomach.
He reached the hem of Felix’s shirt and his fingers wormed their way in, hiking
his shirt up to expose an inch of skin.
            Peter’s fingers brushed gently over his flesh, making Felix inhale
sharply. Heat bloomed through his body from where Peter touched him, spreading
up his stomach, up his chest, across his neck, and down to his balls. Peter’s
fingers rubbed over him slowly, moving to his side, making him twitch, and then
back across his stomach again. His heart hammered so loudly he was sure the
boys would hear it and wake up..
            “Tell me what you want, Fee.” he whispered in his hear. Fire raced
through his blood to burn in his ears.
            “Whatever you want.” he said. Peter laughed softly beside him.
            “If you say so.”
            Peter slid his hand under Felix’s shirt, tracing his fingers over
his abdomen, tickling his chest, playing with the hairs there. When he slid his
fingers over to Felix’s nipple, a high-pitched whine escaped his lips and his
body shuddered.
            “Fuck, you are so hot.” Peter said softly, his lips brushing his
ear as he spoke. Felix had no ability to reply. He’d forgotten how to speak.
Peter moved to pull his t-shirt over his head, and Felix lifted his back to
help him get it off, falling back to the bed panting, half from nerves, half
from heat. Peter glanced down at his chest, dragging his fingers over his skin
slowly, tickling Felix in the most pleasant of ways.
            Peter’s eyes dragged over Felix’s chest, his fingers exploring
every inch of him, and Felix could do nothing but lie there and feel it. He
closed his eyes and felt Peter’s fingers on him, pressed beside him in the bed,
his legs alongside his thigh, warm and strong and lithe.
            Felix opened his eyes dreamily and looked into Peter’s face.
            Peter lifted his head a bit and kissed Felix’s lips, his hand
sliding slowly down Felix’s abdomen. His fingers traced along the waist of
Felix’s pants, fingers eager but hesitant all at once. Felix leaned his head
back, letting Peter lean over him and pressed his head down into the pillow
with his kisses, his other hand brushing through Felix’s hair. Felix’s stomach
fluttered with excitement as his breath came faster, and Peter undid the button
on his jeans. Guilt clawed its way up his throat and forced itself out of his
mouth.
            “You don’t have to do this, with me.” Felix said softly. Peter’s
hand froze at the top of his jeans. He felt Peter’s fingers tighten around his
bare shoulder and he raised his face to look into his eyes.
            “But I want to.” Peter said softly. “For the first time ever, I
want this.”
            Felix swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to hide the pain he
felt on Peter’s behalf. He didn’t know how he’d ever lived without him. He
couldn’t run this family without him. He couldn’t raise the boys by himself.
They were already partners in every sense of the word; so why did he feel guilt
about being together in this last intimate way?
            Peter kissed him long and slow, taking breaths only when they had
to, their bodies melting together, arms wrapped around each other as if they’d
die if they let go.
            He trailed his hand down Felix’s chest again, tracing his fingers
over the opened button of his pants.
            “Please, I want to share this with you…” Peter said, his fingers
toying with the zipper on Felix’s jeans.
            Just the sight of it made Felix’s dick swell and his breath come
faster. He gave up fighting it.
            He nodded, not trusting his voice to come out steadily at all.
            Peter gave him a smirk and his fingers pulled the zipper down. His
hand slid into his pants, rubbing over the outside of Felix’s boxers. Heat
rushed to Felix’s cheeks and down between his legs, his dick growing as he bit
his lip and relaxed into the bed, nervous, hot, unsure, excited.
            Peter rose up onto his elbow beside him, stroking him over his
boxers as he grew. He looked down at Felix with a smirk, raising one eyebrow in
that way he did that made Felix melt.
            “Feel good?” he asked.
            “Fuck yes.” he whispered, his voice shaky.
            Peter’s eyes slid down Felix’s body, his tongue slipping out
between his lips just a bit as he worked Felix out between the slit in his
boxers.
            “Damn, Fee.” he said, wrapping his palm around his dick as far as
he could. Felix blushed deeply, heat burning in his cheeks.
            “Is it really that big?”
            Peter snorted.
            “Fuck yes.”
            Felix closed his eyes from shyness, and he felt Peter start to
stroke. For a moment all he felt was embarrassed and shy…but desire soon
overwhelmed all his other emotions. He trailed his palm up the underside of
Felix’s dick, palming him slowly, then quicker, until he elicited a shudder
from him, and stroked at that speed. He moved his thumb up to swirl over the
tip, which made Felix whimper against his will, and he smirked and did it
again, then again.
            “Mmm, you like that.” Peter whispered softly, his eyes half-closed,
his face debauched and lustful. Peter cupped his hand over the tip and pressed
down, straining Felix’s dick as it pressed through between his thumb and
fingers. Felix shuddered and his back arched, pants coming heavily from between
his lips.
            “Fuck, Peter.” he managed to whisper. Peter continued teasing him,
working him harder and harder, making him feel pleasure such as he’d never done
to himself. He’d never been patient when he was jerking himself off; he’d
always just gotten to the finish as fast as possible. Peter seemed to be in no
such hurry. He wanted to make this last, and it was driving Felix crazy even as
he never wanted it to end.
            Peter kept going back to the tip, catching the pre-cum that leaked
from Felix and dragging it down, slicking his shaft.
            “Damn, you really like this.” Peter whispered. Felix reached up a
hand and brushed his fingers across his cheek.
            “I really like you.” he said through heavy pants. Peter leaned down
to kiss him again, and he moaned into his mouth as Peter started to stroke him
in earnest.
            Colors danced before Felix’s eyes as his world shrank to become
only Peter, pleasure spreading through his body with more intensity than he’d
thought possible. He glanced up into his eyes whenever he opened them, and saw
affection and amazement on Peter’s face. He felt Peter’s dick pressed against
his leg, hard and warm, and wanted to touch it, but could barely move his arms.
            He became helpless to the pleasure and collapsed back, his eyes
closing as all the warmth in his body collected down between his legs. Felix
shuddered and cried out, his fingers wrapping tightly in Peter’s shirt as he
came. His hips jerked up into his hand and he was there, pushing back against
Felix’s unrhythmic rocking, his hand firm and warm and sure.
            Felix gasped and turned his body into Peter, pulling him close with
both of his arms. Peter wrapped his clean arm around him, his other hand
resting on Felix’s stomach, the cum dripping down his skin.
            Peter kissed the top of his hair, and Felix snuggled into his neck.
He started to kiss it, pushing forward, pushing Peter down onto his back.
            “Let me do the same for you.” he said softly. Peter looked up at
him with uncertainty, and Felix said nothing, letting him think, letting him
decide.
            “You can say no.” Felix said gently, brushing his beautiful brown
hair away from his eyes.
            “I know.” Peter said. “I don’t want to. Just kinda…enjoying that I
could, for a minute.”
            Felix’s heart broke, and he did his best to hide it from his face.
He didn’t want that shit here, in his bed, ruining this moment. It was always
there, of course; inescapable, as much a part of Peter as his ability to kiss
away tears on little faces; but now and then, Felix wanted to help him forget
about it, if he could.
            “Okay.” Peter said. He looked up in to Felix’s face. “Jerk me off,
Felix.” he whispered, and Felix’s heart dropped all of its sadness and beat
faster with excitement. His fingers shakily slid down to the top of Peter’s
jeans, then fumbled as he couldn’t get the button open with only one hand.
Peter laughed and helped him as Felix blushed deeply. They worked together to
shimmy Peter’s jeans and boxers down to his knees, and Felix stared at Peter’s
cock, still semi-hard, long and thin.
            He swallowed to steady his nerves and brushed his fingertips
against it. Wow, it was warm. Peter gasped, sucking in air between his teeth.
Felix traced his fingers down the side of Peter’s shaft, his dick coming to
life from the barest of touches, and he whined.
            “Shit, Felix, just grab me.”
            Felix wrapped his long fingers around him, his grip firm and
powerful. He pulled down and Peter moaned, biting his lower lip between his
teeth, and Felix’s heart started to race at the sight of him.
            He started to stroke slowly, and Peter’s head collapsed onto the
bed, his hips already starting to hump back up towards Felix’s hand.
            “Faster, c’mon…” he begged, and Felix obeyed, amazed at his ability
to cause such reactions in a person who…had experienced so much.
            “Fee, you’re so warm, you’re so…” Peter said, curling into him,
making it hard for Felix to bend his wrist at this angle. He didn’t give a
fuck. He pulled Peter into his chest with his other arm and held him close, his
fingers stroking along the outside of his shirt as his palm stroked his dick.
Peter whined and bucked into his hand, all perfect rhythm and fluidity; the
gracefulness with which he naturally moved blossoming into its full beauty as
pleasure blushed across his cheeks.
            “Damn, you’re sexy.” Felix whispered, and Peter whimpered into his
chest. Felix’s wrist was killing him and he couldn’t care less. He matched
Peter’s rhythm as best he could, but he wasn’t nearly as graceful. He felt like
his motions were completely haphazard and unrefined, but Peter’s moans grew
louder and deeper, until he was shaking and his fingers were clutching at
Felix’s bare chest.
            “Fee..Fee!” he cried, tensing as he drove himself into Felix’s
palm, his cum spilling all over Felix’s bare pelvis and his hand and Peter’s
shirt and the bed. Felix stroked him until his hips stopped, then gently pulled
his hand away, everything covered in mess. He wiped it off on his blankets, not
giving any fucks about that right now.
            Peter looked at Felix with a pained smile, and a few tears slid
down his cheeks. Felix pulled him tightly to himself, wrapping his long arms
around his back.
            “What’s wrong?” he whispered, terrified that he’d somehow caused
Peter to remember something awful.
            “Nothing. Nothing. For the first time in my life, nothing.”
            Felix pulled his head back and kissed his lips softly, wiping the
tears from Peter’s face with his thumb.
            “We’ll find a way to get out of here.” he said softly. “I don’t
care what it takes.”
            Peter’s green eyes looked up at him with trust, and whether or not
he thought it was possible, he clearly believed Felix meant what he said.
            “If there’s a way.” he said. “We’ll find it.”
 
            Tootles got better, and the bill from the hospital came. It was
thousands of dollars. Felix just shrugged and threw it in the trash. What were
they going to do, make Tootles sick again? Reposes their…shitty-ass, rusted out
trailer? Throw Mom in prison? Felix snorted at that last one. They didn’t need
her for anything other than the foster system checks that came in her name for
half the kids. And technically owning the trailer they lived in. Felix already
did everything else himself.
            He wondered, sometimes, if he just stopped feeding her, if he
stopped taking care of her, what she would do. But he wasn’t brave enough to
find out. He could leave, in six months, when he turned eighteen…but where the
hell would he go, and who would take care of his brothers?
            And Peter. How old was Peter? He didn’t even know himself. He
didn’t even have knowledge of things like his social security number, his
birthday, his last name,the way Felix did. Felix had never considered himself
privileged before, but now…he seemed to have so much that Peter didn’t.
            Yet Peter had so much that he didn’t. Basically, money. Material
things. Though Felix was still convinced the price he paid wasn’t worth it,
Peter refused to stop providing things for he and the boys. One evening, a new
kitchen table with ten matching chairs was delivered to the front door. Then a
new refrigerator. Clothes for the boys. Shoes. Notebooks and pencils,
toothbrushes, new shower curtains, fancy rugs for the bathroom floors. Cookies.
The boys all started talking about the Fairy Godmother, who had finally noticed
their situation, and Felix had to hold back the tears. They felt so rich with
so little, and had no idea who was taking care of them.
            Felix was pouring juice while Peter was making his famous pancakes
(now with apples in them), when Michael tugged at the sleeve of his hoodie.
            “Sup, Michael?” Felix asked his second-youngest brother.
            “Felix, do you think….do you think the Fairy Godmother knows Santa
Claus? Do you think she’ll tell him where we are, and he’ll come this
year?”      
            Felix winced inwardly, though he kept his face the deadpan it
always was, and paused, trying to think of an answer.
            “Oh, I know for a fact that all fairies can get messages to Santa.”
he heard Peter say. Felix whirled around and glared at him over the table, but
Peter only winked. He shouldn’t make promises that he couldn’t keep, he
shouldn’t…
            Peter ignored Felix’s glares and instead doled out pancakes,
listening to the excited conversation of the younger boys around the table.
            “We should make lists this year! And mail them! He’ll get them,
this time, for sure!”
            “I want new snow boots!”
            “I want video games, like Felix has!”
            “Yeah, me too!”
            “I want a laptop!’
            “A puppy!”
            “A dad!”
            Everyone turned to stare at Nibs.
            “Nibs, we already have a dad. Pan is our dad. Member, we talked
about it?” Slightly said, shoveling pancake into his mouth.
            “Oh yeah, sorry.”
            Felix watched Peter’s smile fade a little as his eyes grew teary.
            “Why don’t you guys wish for a Mom, then?” he asked.
            “Duh, we already have a Mom.” Curly said, and Peter glanced over
into the living room at the woman who lived on the couch.
            “…Felix is our mom!” he finished, and everyone agreed and high-
fived.
            Peter snorted and his smile was back.           
            “Oh really? So Felix and I are Mom and Dad?”
            “Yeah! Exactly.” John said.
            “You guys are just so good at it.”
            “And you sleep in the same bed.”
            Everyone turned to stare at Curly, and this time, Felix couldn’t
keep his face from turning a little red.
            “What? They do.” he said, his mouth still full of pancake.
            “Yeah but they’re not supposed to know we know.” John very-loudly-
whispered. Rufio kicked him under the table.
            “Ow!”
            “I think they heard us, dorkface.”
            Everyone stopped talking (which had probably never happened before
in Felix’s entire life) and stared at Felix and Peter, standing beside each
other by the stove, Peter with his hands full of pancake plates, Felix holding
an orange juice container.
            “Well?” Rufio said. “Are you guys boyfriends, or what?”
            Felix looked at twelve pairs of eyes staring up at him expectantly;
all waiting, all hoping.
            “Yes, okay? I’m your fucking mother. Pan is your dad. We’re
boyfriends. Now eat your breakfast, the bus will be here in five minutes.”
            Excited jabbering exploded from the table, a bunch of I knew its
and I told you sos flying around, and even a dollar exchanged between Slightly
and Curly. Peter grinned and shook his head, and even Felix felt himself
letting his smile show on the outside, just a bit. They were a family, all of
them, and despite the hardships they all faced, their home was a good place,
and Felix felt warm.
           
            Winter came early. Some kind of record-breaking blizzard hit them
two weeks before Christmas, and the boys delighted in the cancelled school. All
with new coats, hats, and gloves, they ran out to play in the snow, the sound
of shrieking laughter as they built forts and had snowball fights joining all
the other children in the trailer park.
            Felix took up his snowshovel and after clearing their front steps,
started working his way around the park shoveling for money. Five bucks here,
ten here, he was sweating and his arms ached, but it was worth it. He was going
to help Peter get at least some of the Christmas gifts; maybe he’d be able to
buy the tree on his own, or something. They’d had a Christmas tree once, but
having spent all his money on that (thirty dollars for a tree, really?) he had
nothing left to put gifts under it.
            He’d thought of getting real jobs now and then, but he couldn’t
with all the boys to take care of. Rufio, who was second oldest, wasn’t even
close to being responsible enough to help. He feared leaving them all alone for
the hours he’d have to work, and so he’d never had more than odd jobs and some
part-time weekday stuff that never seemed to last.
            The sun was setting when he dragged his tired ass home and began
the chore of spreading all the wet snowclothes out in the living room to dry.
By the time he got everyone else to take a shower because school tomorrow, and
finally got into the shower himself, all the hot water was gone. He took a very
quick, lukewarm shower, dried himself off, and plopped into bed, exhausted.
 
 
***** Chapter 6 *****
 
Felix woke with a start. Someone was standing in the doorway, but with all the
lights off he couldn’t see who.
            “What’s wrong?” he said, which was always his response, because
that was the only reason the boys bothered him while he was sleeping.
            “I just need you right now.” came the shaky, quivering whisper.
Felix flew to his feet as he realized it was Peter, pulling him into his room
in a deep hug as he shut the door.
            He turned on the light.           
            “Peter, what the fuck!?” he screamed, when he saw the black bruise
ringing his eye.
            Peter shrank away from him, and guilt swept through Felix.
            “No, no, I’m not mad at you.” he said, opening his arms and pulling
Peter into them. He shivered, and Felix realized he was freezing. And soaking
wet.
            “Were you outside long?” he asked.
            “I tried to say no to them, I tried.” Peter said. “I tried…to…”
            He broke down into sobs and Felix guided him to sit on the edge of
the bed. He crouched to the floor and untied Peter’s shoes, which were soaked,
covered in ice and snow. His pants were just as wet; in fact all of him was
soaking wet and frozen. Felix gently worked the sweater over his head, chunks
of ice falling onto the floor. Peter didn’t complain, didn’t object, just let
him undress him. He wore only a t-shirt underneath, and Felix’s blood froze in
his veins.
            Hand marks surrounded his arms, bruises in the shape of fingers
where he’d been held, over his wrists, his triceps, his biceps, disappearing up
into the sleeves of his shirt. Tears welled up in Felix’s eyes and he forced
them away. One of them crying was enough. Peter needed him now. If there was
one thing Felix was good at, it was taking care of someone who needed.
            He knelt down and draped Peter’s arm over his neck.
            “Gotta get these wet clothes off, okay?” he said. He rose, and
Peter stood with him. Felix undid his pants quickly, pulling them down as Peter
shivered against him. He had on nothing underneath, and the inside of the jeans
were soaked with blood.
            Unable to completely stop the sob that escaped his lips, Felix
gently set Peter down on the bed and pulled the soaked jeans off of him, so
that he was naked.
            He was a horrific sight. The bruises traveled down his legs, worst
around his ankles and thighs. But they were everywhere; his chest, his neck,
some from punches, some from fingers grasping him too hard. Scrapes were
everywhere, too; shallow, but numerous, from fingernails. Felix held back the
need to vomit. Peter didn’t need him feeling sorry for him. It wouldn’t help.
            He yanked his dresser open and pulled out a pair of boxers, and a
pair of his warmest flannel pjs. He helped Peter get dressed, the way he helped
his little brothers when they were younger. Peter was in a daze; not speaking,
hardly moving, simply following Felix’s direction as he guided him. He eased
his shivering body under the blankets and crawled in behind him, wrapping his
arms around him gently, worried that he might have broken bones.
            “What happened.” he whispered, and Peter broke down and sobbed into
his chest. Felix only stroked his hair, kissing his forehead gently, over and
over, holding him, warming him up under the blankets.
            “Oh fuck, it hurts, everything hurts.” Peter said.
            “I’m gonna take you to the hospital.” Felix replied, and Peter
stiffened.
            “No!”
            “Yes, you need…”
            “No! They’ll take me away! Send me to some other foster home, which
will be just as horrible, except I won’t have you!”
            Felix had no answer. While Peter’s worst fear might not happen,
there was a chance that it would…and Felix had no reply. He didn’t know what to
do.
            There was pounding on the front door of the trailer.
            “Oh God, he’s come for me!” Peter screamed, clutching the front of
Felix’s hoodie.
            Felix set his jaw, anger flashing in his eyes. He rose, and when
Peter tried to follow him, he set him back on the bed.          
            “He’s not getting you. You stay right here.” Felix growled. He
yanked open his closet and grabbed his shotgun.
            Peter lay in bed, curled up in a ball, clutching the blankets up to
his chin. He heard the front door open.
            “Is my boy here? You send him out this min…”
            The man’s voice faded as he saw the enraged teenager with a gun
pointed at his face.
            “Get. Off. My. Property.” Felix growled, his voice low and feral.
            “I see. Then I’d better leave, and call the cops, and tell them my
son’s been kidnapped by a lunatic with a shotgun.”
            “Officer, there was a strange man in my house. Never seen him in my
life. Malcolm Boyd, do you know who this guy is? Nope, never seen him before.
Total stranger. Burglar. Completely legal to shoot while standing on my steps.”
            Peter heard the gun cock.
            Silence.
            “Coy little fucking bastard.” Peter heard the man say. “I’ll get
back what’s mine. Fine, keep him for now. Nurse him back to health. No good to
me the way he is, anyway.”
            Peter heard the door slam. Heard Felix’s heavy footsteps as he
walked back down the hall.
            “Everybody back in bed!” Felix shouted. “There’s a burglar outside
and I want all your windows locked, all of ’em!”
            The feet scurried, and Peter heard Felix’s order being obeyed. He
then stepped back into their room and shut the door softly. Peter peered at him
from under the covers.
            Felix tucked the shotgun between the bed and the nightstand, within
easy reach. He then crawled back into bed and pulled Peter into his arms.
            “You’re crazy; you’re a fucking lunatic.” Peter said.
            “Nobody’s hurting you again. Nobody.” Felix said, his eyes cold,
harsh steel, his face flashing anger because it was the only defense he had
against the pain.
 
            The next day, Felix insisted Peter stay in bed while he get the
boys ready for school. They all kept asking him what happened last night, so he
told them there had been a burglar, and Pan had fought him off, but he’d gotten
hurt and needed to rest. After that, all the talk at the table was about how
Pan was a hero, fighting off thieves, and Felix’s heart broke at how innocent
they were. It occurred to him then that all he and Peter did to protect them
actually worked, to a degree, because they had no idea what was really going on
at all.
            The bus came, and Felix went to check on Peter. He was finally
sleeping, so Felix cleaned the kitchen and did a few other very pressing
chores, though he left the laundry. He wasn’t about to leave Peter home alone.
Not happening.
            He brought him lunch, and they sat together in the bed and ate in
silence. Peter didn’t speak, and Felix didn’t make him. They did nothing but
play video games all day, Peter wincing whenever he shifted even a little.
Felix’s mind was busy working, thinking about plans, about ways they could
escape, about ways they could get out.
            Couldn’t call the cops, because they’d at best take Peter away and
at worst, make him go back “home” to his “dad”. Couldn’t take Peter to the
hospital because they’d call the cops. Couldn’t run away, because where in hell
would they go, and even then, neither of them could leave the boys behind.
            But there had to be something. There had to be a way. Maybe, when
Felix turned eighteen. He could get custody of the boys, somehow, though he
didn’t have a fucking clue how that worked. He could get a job, and Peter could
stay in the trailer and take care of them, and then they could call the cops
about the asshole across the street, and they’d cart him away…
            And also take Peter away. Unless, maybe, Felix married Peter? Would
that free him from the system? He remembered hearing about that, but he wasn’t
sure and dammit, they didn’t know how old Peter was.
            Felix sighed and leaned against the wall, tired.
            “There were three of them.” Peter croaked, his voice dry from
having not spoken all day.
            Felix sat up and wrapped his arms around Peter.
            “Three of them, okay, and I’ve taken two before but three? I just…I
just didn’t want to.” he said, as if he needed to justifynot wanting to. “I
ran. I ran outside. I was trying to get here, I guess, but then I didn’t want
to put the boys in danger.”
            Felix rested his chin on top of Peter’s head as he pulled him in
towards his chest, so he could allow the rage to show on his face without Peter
seeing it.
            “So then I just ran out into the snow, not knowing where I was
going, really? They caught me. The three customers and the asshole, the four of
them, held me down, did what they wanted, laughing, laughing, and oh God, it
hurt, it hurt so fucking much, Felix, it was so cold, being naked in the snow,
I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” he said. Felix kissed the top of his head gently
and held him.
            “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
            “Yes, I do! If I’d just done what I was told…”
            “No.”
            Felix’s voice was hard. Final.
            “No one should ever have to agree to that. No.”
            Peter sobbed into his chest again, and Felix’s jaw tightened. He
cursed his brain for not being able to think. There had to be a way out of
this. There had to be a way.
 
            In the morning, Felix woke up to Peter getting out of bed early,
before the boys were up. He started putting on his muddy, bloody clothes, and
Felix sat up immediately.
            “What’re you doing?”
            Peter turned to look at him, his black eye spread across half his
face, now, other bruises coming to the surface on his bare shoulders and arms.
            “Gotta get back, or he’ll hurt me even more.”
            “Oh, no. You’re not going back there ever again.” Felix said. “You
get right back in this bed.”
            Peter looked at him with tired fear. He glanced over at the shotgun
propped up beside the bed, loaded.
            “I will do whatever it takes to protect you. He’s not getting you
here.”
            Peter’s shoulders slumped with relief and exhaustion. He dropped
the dirty jeans and crawled back into bed completely naked. Felix’s heart
wrenched as he saw just how normal Peter felt being totally undressed; he
wasn’t even sure if he’d realized his decision to wear nothing. He wrapped his
arms around him and pulled him close. Peter snuggled beside Felix under the
blankets, and fell asleep again within minutes.
 
            Peter lay in Felix’s bed for two more days. Felix got the boys
ready for school himself, and then spent the rest of the day by Peter’s side,
giving him company, holding him, bringing him something to eat. Other than
using the bathroom he never once got out of Felix’s bed, staying wrapped up in
the blankets, hardly speaking.
            By the third day, he was starting to smell, and his bandages were
getting gross.
            “Hey,” Felix said, stroking his hair. “What do you think about
taking a bath?”
            Peter rolled over and looked at him, his eyes sunken, a haunted
look on his face.
            “Door’s shitty. Lock’s no good.” he replied. “Not safe.”
            Felix stood up and leaned down to kiss Peter’s forehead.
            “I’ll keep you safe.” he said, and he left to start running the
water. When the bath was ready he returned to find Peter curled up in a tight
ball by the wall.
            “Come on, we’ve got to get you clean.” Felix said. Peter shook his
head and pulled the blankets tighter around him. Felix kneeled on the bed and
gently stroked his fingers through Peter’s greasy hair.
            “Peter, you’ve got to trust me.” he said. “Please.”
            Peter rolled over, his face looking somehow worse than it had
yesterday, and Felix was glad the steam from the bath had already fogged over
the mirror in the bathroom. Peter didn’t need to see what he looked like.
            Felix looked into his tired green eyes and gave him the most
reassuring smile he could muster.
            “You know you can trust me.” he said.
            Peter nodded, and slowly sat up, wincing as he moved. They still
didn’t know if he had any broken bones; though everything important, like arms
and legs, seemed to be in working order. Felix helped him up, keeping the
blanket wrapped around him, on the very off chance that Mom would decide to get
up off her couch for some reason.
            He guided Peter down the hall and into the bathroom, where he shut
the door and unwrapped the blanket from him.
            Felix guided him to the tub and stood behind him, ready to catch
him if he faltered at all.
            Peter winced as his foot touched the water.
            “Fuck, everything hurts.” he said.
            “I know. But it’ll feel good once you get in.” Felix said.
            “You gonna wash me like a baby?” Peter snarled, stepping his other
foot into the tub. Felix’s heart actually felt a bit of hope that Peter was
getting some of his bite back.
            “Hell no. I’m gonna wash you like a lover.” he said, reaching down
to remove his own shirt. Peter’s eyes darted over his body and for the first
time in two days, he cracked a small smile.
            “Well why didn’t you say so. I would have came sooner if I knew you
were getting naked.”
            Felix gave him a smirk and pulled down his own pants, blushing a
bit even though Peter had spent two full days naked in his bed already. Peter’s
eyes dragged over his body in a suggestive manner, and Felix’s blush bloomed
across his face. Without his intending to, his dick started to grow hard, and
his situation wasn’t helped by Peter staring directly at it with a smile on his
lips.
            “Now this I can get into.” he said. He folded his knees slowly
under himself, lowering down into the water, wincing as his body protested. He
hissed when his ass touched the heat, his hands shaking as they tried to hold
himself up. Felix’s arms were under his immediately, holding him steady,
helping him gently down into the water.
            The tub wasn’t big enough for the both of them (hell, it wasn’t big
enough for just Felix), so Felix knelt outside of it as he dipped the washcloth
in the water and started to gently rub it over Peter’s shoulders and back. He
felt the tension in his muscles relax a little, even as Peter winced when the
soap hit some of the scratches on his skin.
            Felix concentrated awhile on just washing Peter, lifting up his
arms to clean under them, rubbing down his chest and his stomach to the water
line, then around his sides to wash his back. He was gentle, but thorough; the
last thing they needed was for Peter to get an infection.
            He then dipped his hands into the water, rubbing the cloth along
Peter’s legs, under his knees, down to his toes. Peter leaned his back against
the wall of the tub and sighed, tension leaving him as he let Felix work and
let the heat soak into his body.
            After everything else was clean, Felix held the washcloth out to
him, lathered in soap.
            “You want to get the rest?” he asked, and Peter looked up at him
with an expression he couldn’t read.
            “No. Touch me everywhere they’ve been, Felix. Put your hands where
theirs were. Erase them.” he said. Felix swallowed nervously, the soft glow
that had been in his cheeks blooming into a hot fire. Shy, embarrassed, turned
on and feeling guilty about it, he nodded slowly as Peter rose up onto his
knees.
            Felix brought the cloth to Peter’s hip, and Peter put his hands on
Felix’s shoulders for balance. He moved to the inside of Peter’s thigh and he
spread his legs wide, and Felix’s ears burned. He slid the cloth up behind his
balls and gently rubbed them, a soft moan escaping Peter’s lips as his dick
started to grow.
            Felix couldn’t bring himself to look Peter in the face, so he
stared at his dick as he wrapped the cloth around it, feeling it grow hard
beneath his hand. He washed it slowly, gently, though quite thoroughly, his
pulse racing as he touched Peter more intimately than he ever had before.
            Chasing the embarrassment down, he slid the washcloth further back,
behind his balls, washing in the creases between his legs, pushing further back
until Peter winced and fell forward.
            Felix caught him with his free hand and held him steady.
            “Maybe you should…”
            “No.” Peter said. “You.” His breath came thick and heavy as he
leaned his chest against Felix. Felix nodded and dipped the wash cloth in the
water, rinsing it out. He reached for the soap and rubbed more on, and leaned
his face over Peter’s shoulder, so he could see what he was doing.
            Peter spread his legs further, and Felix blushed. He dragged the
cloth up the back of his thigh and over his right ass cheek, having to push
harder than he wanted to scrub the dried blood away. He then moved to Peter’s
other ass cheek, getting those clean, before he slid the cloth down between
them as gently as he could while still being effective.
            Peter hissed, and Felix paused.
            “Don’t stop.” Peter whispered. “I need you to do this.”
            Felix nodded, holding Peter up tightly with his other arm as he
cleaned him in the most private of places, wild emotions rolling through him,
shame and lust, guilt and love, pain and tenderness. He didn’t shy away, though
part of him really wanted to. He wasn’t letting Peter leave this tub until he
was clean.
            Finally, Felix was satisfied, and he gently pulled his hand away.
Peter sank back into the water, facing Felix, a sexy smile spreading across his
lips.
            “Need to do some more of that with you.” he said. “Once I feel
better.”
            Felix swallowed heavily, just realizing now that his dick was
pushed up against the outside of the tub, fully hard and at attention.
            “I think I’d like to take a shower now, to rinse all the soap off,
get my hair clean.” Peter said. Felix smiled and rose to his feet, turning on
the shower water as he pulled the drain on the tub. Peter stood up slowly,
lifting his face into the hot water, his expression a wide, suggestive smile
even as he closed his eyes and let the water run down over his hair.
            Felix stepped into the tub behind him and pulled the curtain
closed. He let Peter have the hot water and for a moment just watched him as he
lathered his hair, eyes closed, face more relaxed than it had been in days. He
reached for the soap and rubbed it on his hands, scrubbing his face far more
roughly than Felix would have done, and he chided himself for not doing that
first.
            With eyes still closed, Peter reached his hand out towards Felix.
He found his side and pulled, and he came. Unable to hide how turned on he was,
he let Peter pull him close, pressing their naked bodies together, their
hardened dicks brushing each other as Felix wrapped his arms around Peter’s
bare back. Peter turned them, until the water ran over Felix’s head, pouring
down his long blonde hair onto Peter’s shoulders.
            “Hmmm.” Peter said softly, and Felix held him tighter.
            “You should wash, too.” he said, stepping out of the water.
            Cheeks flushed from the heat in his blood, Felix reached for the
shampoo and started to wash his hair. Even with his eyes closed he could feel
Peter’s gaze burning into him, heavy and lustful, making Felix feel less
embarrassed the more turned on he became.
            He lathered up his hands and opened his eyes, greeted by the
familiar smirk on Peter’s lips that sent chills down his spine. He looked more
and more like his usual self as the minutes ticked by, his eyes following
Felix’s hands as he spread soap over his body, making sure to clean himself
everywhere, as he’d done to Peter.
            When he was finished he reached out his hand and Peter took it. He
pulled him close, pressing their lips together hard, the hot water pounding
against his back as he shielded Peter from it. Peter’s arms rose to wrap around
his neck, their naked bodies pressed close, both of their dicks swollen and
crushed between them.
            Peter’s tongue slid out and Felix moaned, tightening his arms
around him, lowering his head so Peter could get further into his mouth. He
couldn’t get enough of his taste, air rushing from his nose as Peter’s tongue
owned the inside of him, strong and confident and powerful.
            Peter pulled back, only a few inches, his breath hot as it washed
over Felix’s face. He slid his hand slowly over Felix’s shoulder, down his
chest, his fingers brushing along Felix’s dick. Felix’s knees grew weak and he
wavered.
            “You gonna fall over if I do this here?” Peter said, his voice as
thick as syrup. Felix tightened his grip around Peter’s back.  
            “Let’s find out.” he said, and Peter smirked, wrapping his fingers
around both of their dicks, pressing them together. Felix moaned just from the
touch, just from the idea of what was about to happen, the world swimming
around him as Peter pulled downward.
            He moved his hand slowly at first, sweeping his fingers over the
top of Felix’s dick, precum coating his fingers. When Felix felt Peter drag the
slickness from his own dick along his shaft, his eyes fluttered closed and he
set his jaw, his ears flaming hot.
            Peter stroked them together, the pressure from his hard dick
against Felix’s sending electric want through his entire body. Peter’s hand
moved faster, and Felix’s head fell forward, collapsing onto Peter’s shoulder
as he moaned.
            “Fuck.” he whispered into his ear, and he felt Peter’s smirk
against his cheek.
            “You’re really fucking precious.” Peter said, moving his other hand
up to stroke through Felix’s wet hair. Fire burned through Felix’s blood and he
tightened his grip around Peter, not even realizing at first that he’d started
rocking his hips. Once he noticed, he stilled, embarrassment still managing to
worm its way into his mind.
            “Oh, don’t stop that.” Peter whispered into his ear. “That was so
damn hot.”
            Inhaling sharply, Felix started again, rocking his hips forward,
causing their dicks to move against each other as Peter stroked. Desire
overrode his shyness and he pushed Peter back, until he was against the wall,
and Peter chuckled softly.
            “Finally.” he said, his lips brushing over Felix’s ear. “You have
too much damn self-control.” he said. “Take what you want.”
            Felix grit his teeth and started to hump against Peter’s dick, his
fingers squeezing them tightly together as his hands pushed Peter’s shoulders
into the wall. Moans escaped Felix’s lips, which he buried into Peter’s neck,
pressing his lips into his skin. All the heat swirled down to collect in his
balls, and Felix shamelessly drove himself into Peter’s hand, the heat swelling
up until it burst, his cum dripping down over their dicks, over Peter’s
fingers.
            Felix shook, pulling Peter close. Peter let go of his softening
dick and continued to jerk himself, his dick covered in Felix’s cum. His head
fell back against the shower wall, and Felix summoned enough strength to lift
his face so he could see Peter’s. The shorter boy’s eyes squeezed shut and he
shivered, jerking forward, his cum squirting onto Felix’s stomach. Felix could
only stare at his face, enraptured by pleasure, and the second Peter opened his
eyes, his lips were on him.
            Peter groaned up into his mouth, wrapping his arms around Felix’s
neck, getting cum all over it. Felix drove down into the kiss, sliding his
tongue into Peter, his entire body glowing with emotions he’d never felt in his
life.
            They pulled apart, panting, and Peter looked at him with the
sexiest smirk imaginable.
            “I trust there will be more of that, from now on?” Peter said.
            Felix’s mind was racing. He could hardly think. He raised his eyes
to stare into Peter’s face.
            “I didn’t want to push you into anything…”
            Peter rolled his eyes.
            “So you’ll deny me being with the one person I actually want.”
            Felix set his jaw.
            “I would never deny you.”
            Peter reached his hand up and stroked it along Felix’s cheek.
            “Then stop denying yourself.” he said. “If I really didn’t want
something, I’d fucking tell you. You’ve got to trust me on that.”
            Felix squeezed his eyes closed and nodded.
            “Then will you please be more aggressive, because you slamming me
into the wall was fucking hot.” Peter said. Felix’s cheeks flushed hotter,
somehow, and he opened his eyes to smile.
            “Glad we agree.”
            Peter gave him another smirk and reached for the soap, washing off
the mess they had just made of themselves.
 
            Christmas break came. Peter healed enough to leave Felix’s bed and
spent his time playing with the boys. They had to eat dinner on the living room
floor because of the Lego metropolis he’d helped the twins build on the kitchen
table. He sat with Tootles and read him bedtime stories, and found out about
the kitten Curly had somehow been hiding under his bed. Felix watched all of
them, for the first time in his life being able to be just an observer, just
for a moment, before someone tugged on his sleeve and asked for his help.
            He heard Peter one night talking quietly with Slightly in his room,
telling him it was fine if he liked boys, after all, Peter and Felix were in
love. He even managed to crack Rufio’s dispassionate exterior, making him laugh
with stupid ass jokes. The house had a life to it that it’d never had before,
even though at no time had it ever been quiet or anything but chaos.
            Christmas Eve came, and the boys went out to the woods to cut down
a pine tree. They fought and argued about how best to set it up, until Mom told
them to keep it down and they settled for leaving it in a bucket, leaning in
the corner of the living room.
            They decorated it with Legos and Transformers and X-men; and
Michael brought out a ribbon collection no one knew he had.
            Quietly, Felix held Peter in his bed as the boys actually went to
sleep, expecting Santa to come this time.
            “You worried?” Peter asked.
            “How can’t I be? They’re gonna wake up and find no presents,
again…”
            Peter gave him a smirk and rolled off the bed onto the floor so
fluidly he didn’t make a single sound on the landing.
            “You really ought to have more faith in me, Fee.” he said, reaching
under the bed. He started pulling out gifts. New gifts; things with tags on
them. Clothes, toys, candy. Knitting needles and yarn, along with a ‘how-to’
book. Paper crafts, glue, dolls, hair dye, eye make-up. Everything they could
never get from charities because they were boys.
            Felix sat up, his heart leaping in his chest as he saw Christmas
being yanked out from under his bed.
            “How?” he asked, and Peter laughed.
            “You really are very easy to keep secrets from.” he said. “I’ve had
this all hidden here for weeks.”
            Felix tackled him, his back hitting the closet door as he hugged
him tightly, crushing Peter close to his chest.
            “Marry me.” he said. Peter laughed.
            “What?”
            Terror and embarrassment splintered through Felix’s skin and he
pulled back, shocked at himself.
            “I…I didn’t mean…I have no fucking idea where that came from, I…”
            Peter kissed him hard.
            “It makes sense.” he said. “We’re already doing it.”
            Felix closed his eyes and tilted his head down to rest his forehead
on Peter’s.
            “We’re too young…”
            Peter snorted.
            “Nothing about what we do is young.”
            Felix squeezed his eyes tightly shut, Peter stroking his fingers
through his blond curls, which might as well been stroking through the pain on
his heart.
            “I just want our life to be…better. Different.”
            “I know.”
            Peter kissed him again gently and pulled away.
            “Come on, Santa. Help me get all this shit out under that tree.”
           
            It was still dark out when they heard the first squeal of delight.
Not long after everyone was pouring into the living room, shouts of excitement
and joy as boys dove under the tree, yanking out things with names taped to
them, shouting with glee.
            “John! Look a magic hat for you!”
            “Rufio, dude! Every color of hair dye, and mohawk gel!”
            “Curly, there’s a bag of cat food! And some bells on strings!”
            Felix and Peter stepped out of their room hand in hand, grins on
both their faces as they watched the boys with delight.
            “Felix! Felix, Santa came!” Michael screamed, running into his arms
as he clutched the Barbie he’d always wanted and had never gotten. “Look, she’s
an astronaut! I’m going to the moon!”
            Every inch of Felix’s body glowed to an extreme level, something
he’d never felt before and had a hard time putting the words to. He turned to
Peter and saw the pride in his eyes, the love for the boys, for him, for this
family, and he finally found the word. Happy. He was happy. He’d never felt it
before, not like this. God, it was everything they said it was. Worth writing
songs over and all that shit.
            Peter stood on his tiptoes and planted a kiss squarely on Felix’s
lips. A chorus of “ooooooooohs” ran out followed by giggles. They’d never
kissed in front of the boys before. Peter put his palm on Felix’s cheek and
yanked him down further, turning the chaste kiss into one with tongue. Squeals
of “eeeeewwww!” rang up from the living room floor and Felix laughed, pulling
away. He looked into Peter’s eyes and this was it, this was the perfect moment
he’d been waiting for all his shitty life, that he would hold on to forever.
 
***** Chapter 7 *****
 
Winter was long and harsh. It snowed much more than usual, which made almost
every chore twice as hard. Felix trudged through the mud with two bags of
laundry slung over his shoulder, Peter right behind him with two more. They
spend the afternoon in the laundromat, making the old ladies glare at them as
they horsed around, giggling and stealing kisses. Peter was great in the
grocery store, distracting the cashier with his charming eyes while Felix
packed a few bags she hadn’t rung up.
            They were walking down main street, heading to the DMV so Felix
could pick up his official driver’s license for his birthday. He was officially
eighteen, and he was trying to think of how he could use this to somehow get
them out, when Peter grinned at a man passing by them and gave him a wink. Then
man ducked his head lower and walked past them quickly, not making eye contact.
            “Who…?”
            “He’s never seen me with clothes on before.” Peter said, laughing.
“Bastard.”
            Felix pulled his hood down tighter over his face, the wind much
more biting than it had been a moment ago. They walked past the police station
and Peter glanced at it, one of his eyebrows rising up in curiosity.
            “Wonder what they’d do.” he said, pausing on the sidewalk in front
of the building.
            Felix reached his hand out and clasped it around Peter’s tightly.
            “Nothing that would help us.” he said, pulling him along. Peter
followed him without protest.
            The next day when they headed outside to go to the bank, he was
outside on his lawn, watching them. Peter froze two steps before the truck, his
face paling as the asshole rose and took a few steps towards them.
            Felix stepped in front of Peter, blocking his entire body with his,
and set his jaw in the most threatening manner possible. The asshole stopped.
They glared at each other for a moment, and then he turned towards his own
truck, popping the hood and looking down into it. Felix pulled Peter into the
cab and revved the engine, pulling out fast, splattering mud towards the
asshole’s trailer.
            “Please don’t piss him off…” Peter said.
            “I’ll do what I want to him.” Felix growled, speeding down the
highway as the falling snow turned into slushy rain.
 
            Spring came, and it was almost as miserable as winter had been. As
if all the snow they’d gotten hadn’t been enough, it now was pouring rain
almost every day. The boys grew restless trapped inside the trailer, fighting
more than usual. Finals were coming up, and the boys in the older grades kept
screaming at the littler ones to shut up. Usually Felix would just make them go
play outside, but the rain was torrential.
            He and Peter turned the kitchen into the Study Room, even hanging a
sheet over the doorway. Only people doing homework were allowed in it and you
had to be quiet.
            Somehow the milk ran out even faster, and Felix grumbled with
frustration as he grabbed the truck keys to run to the store. When he returned,
he saw the asshole standing by the window of their trailer, looking in,
watching his boys. Felix’s blood boiled and he lunged, checking his shoulder
into the much bigger, but much older man.
            The asshole turned and pushed back, slamming Felix into the side of
the trailer. His fists trembled as they pressed against Felix’s chest- weak.
Old. Felix glared down at him and swung, his fist connecting with the man’s
temple. He dropped him and Felix hit him again, and again, as he backed up.
Felix pushed him hard, causing him to stumble into the dirt road.
            “Stay off my property.” he growled. The man glared up at him.
            “You think you can take me? I have more power than you think.”
            Felix sneered, baring his teeth. The man snorted and stepped back,
turning to go into his own trailer. Felix picked the milk up out of the mud as
thunder rumbled, the sky opening with water the moment he stepped into the
house.
 
            One afternoon as Felix and Peter were getting the boys off the bus,
Felix frowned, counting.
            “Eleven.” he said. He looked over at Peter who counted also.
            “Where’s Rufio?” Felix asked. Slightly turned to yell over his
shoulder.
            “Got after school detention.”
            “Got into a fight!”
            “Kicked that Hanzel’s ass for saying shit about Pan.” John added.
            “Deten…God dammit!” Felix shouted, marching into the house. “You
boys all know you can’t get detention! I can’t be driving to school to pick
your asses up if you get held late! Who the hell is gonna make dinner while I’m
gone, huh? Do you know how much gas it costs to drive up to the school? I
should make him walk the six miles home!” Felix said, yanking the truck keys
off the hook.
            Nobody said anything as he stormed out and turned over the engine.
He was about to slam on the gas when he heard a soft knock on the truck window.
He turned with fire in his eyes, which vanished as he saw it was Peter.
            He rolled the window down and tried to relax a bit.
            “You forgot to give me my goodbye kiss.” he said. Felix snorted and
kissed him through the window. “I’ll take care of the boys. Relax.” Peter said.
Felix did, sighing as the rain started to fall. He rolled up his window and
drove off, trying not to be too angry- after all, Rufio had already stayed in
school longer than he had.
            When he picked him up neither of them said anything. They drove
home in silence, the only sound the windshield wipers as they swished at the
fastest speed they could, hardly doing anything to keep the water away. They
ducked under their coats and rushed into the house, still dripping wet when
they got back.
            “Thanks for picking me up, Felix.” Rufio said, and Felix saw the
regret behind the anger in his eyes.
            “Of course, kid.” he said. “Just glad you’re okay.”
            Rufio gave him a grateful smile and walked back to his room to
change into something dry. Felix’s stomach grumbled. He walked into the kitchen
and saw the Study Crew spread out over the table and automatically started
making dinner, when he realized it should have already been made.
            “Where’s Pan?” he asked. Everyone shrugged quietly, and he left the
kitchen to go back to the bedrooms, a whisper of fear creeping its way into his
mind. He poked his head into every room, asking every face where Pan was, his
heart racing faster as he didn’t find him. He even checked Mom’s room…she was
already taking a nap, or down for the night, or whatever, but found him
nowhere.
            Ice clawing its way up his throat, Felix tried to think back to
when he had left. He’d left Peter outside, alone, standing in the rain. How
could he have been so stupid? Fear and anger driving him, he slammed the door
open to their bedroom and grabbed the shotgun. He marched passed the kitchen,
gun in hand, six pairs of eyes rising from the table to stare at him in fear.
            “Felix?”
            “Stay inside.” he commanded, flinging the front door open and
stepping out into the pouring rain as a clap of thunder peeled over head.
            Sneakers squishing in the mud, Felix marched across the road to the
trailer whose lights were burning on in every room. It was rocking back and
forth and Felix’s blood boiled with fury. He yanked at the latch on the door,
but it held fast. He sneered and threw his shoulder against it, breaking down
the shitty lock easily. He marched into the living room intending to stop
whoever it was, tracking mud and water across the floor, when the asshole rose
off the couch and stood in front of the entrance to the hall.
            “He’s busy talking to the town judge.” he said, a triumphant sneer
on his face. Felix glared at him, his eyes as cold as steel, his shoulders
rigid. He rose the shotgun and pointed it, his eyes shooting daggers of hatred.
            “Move.” he said. The man laughed, crossing his arms. “Please. He’s
almost finished, and then I’ll give you boys a cut of the profits, whaddya
say?”
            Felix cocked the gun for intimidation, and it worked. The man’s
smile faltered and his arms unfolded.
            “Now just relax, kid. Nobody has to get hurt. He’s fine; he’ll just
be out in a minute.”
            Felix stood, unmoving, his fingers trembling as he held the
shotgun. Neither of them moved. A peal of thunder shook the walls of the
trailer, the sound of rain pouring heavily on the tin roof, making it difficult
to hear.
            The rain let up a little, and Felix heard it. Peter’s voice in mock
moaning, steady in a rhythm, along with the heavy grunts of some grown man, and
Felix lost it.
            “Not in a minute, now!” he screamed, stepping closer. The asshole
didn’t move.
            “Or you’ll what, kill me?” he man said. “You’re both in the same
boat I’m in; you never call the cops on me because they’d ruin your lives as
much as mine. If you shoot me that’ll just bring them, that’ll just…”
            Felix heard Peter cry out louder, as something happened that caused
him pain.
            Felix pulled the trigger.
            The sound of the shotgun echoed through the small trailer, ringing
in Felix’s ears. A few seconds later the thunder pealed, covering up the sound
of the shotgun…except to the man who was fucking Peter.
            He ran out of the room, naked, his face molding in horror as the
asshole fell to the ground, blood spattered on the walls and across Felix’s
face. Felix’s met the naked man’s eyes for two seconds, their eyes locked. Then
he took the second shot.
            Peter ran out of his room, naked, eyes wide in horror. He looked up
to see Felix, barrel still pointed in his sights, face as hard as steel.
            Peter ran to him, his bare feet leaving footprints in the blood,
tears springing to his eyes.
            “Fuck, Felix…”
            Felix wrapped his arms around him protectively, his fingers still
clutching the shotgun in his hand. The thunder rumbled.       
            “We gotta get out of here.” Peter said. Felix nodded dumbly, not
able to speak, his eyes staring down at the two monsters. Their blood seeped
out, soaking into the carpet, reaching the muddy footprints where Felix stood.
            “Let’s just go. We’ll figure out what to do, but we gotta get outta
here.” Peter said, taking his hand. Felix took it and let Peter lead him out
the door, out into the pouring rain. They walked through the mud, the rain
cleaning the blood off of Felix’s face, off his clothes, drenching Peter’s
naked body as they walked back home.
            “Hang on. Stay out here.” Peter said, ducking into their trailer.
Felix obeyed silently, his mind failing to grasp words. He looked down at the
gun in his hands, not knowing what to think or how to feel.
            Peter emerged, dressed, and took his hand, leading him down the
muddy dirt road and into the woods, both of them soaked to the bone, neither
saying a word.
 
            Peter led Felix for a long time. Numb, he blindly followed him
through the trees, barely able to see in the pouring rain with the thick dark
clouds overhead. He shivered, and barely felt it, capable of nothing but
following behind the boy he loved so much. Apparently enough to murder for.
            They trudged up a hill, Peter floating up it with ease while Felix
struggled and slid because of the mud, dirt pouring into the tops of his once-
new sneakers. He fell several times, slipping on wet leaves, his palms getting
scraped raw by pebbles in the dirt. Peter climbed back down and reached out his
hand. Felix took it, wincing at how cold it was, finally noticing that all
Peter had on was a t-shirt, while Felix had his hoodie. It didn’t matter; he
was soaked down to his boxers.
            Peter led him deeper into the woods, walking as if he knew where he
was going; though Felix was already completely lost. They slid down another
hill, and walked over a creek, its banks overflowing as the rain poured down
around them.
            Finally, Peter stopped. Felix had no idea where they were, or why
they were here. Peter fell to his knees in the ground, digging in the mud with
a rock.
            “Come on, help me. Gotta bury the gun. And your shoes.” he said.
            Not coherent enough to understand why, he simply obeyed, kneeling
into the ground, the rain pounding on their heads, Peter’s body involuntarily
shivering as his teeth chattered. They dug, and dug, and dug; the hold became a
foot deep, then two. Felix’s fingers were raw. His nails were caked with dirt.
Pushing the mud up the sides of the hole was starting to get them nowhere;
without a proper shovel, this was as deep as a hole was going to get.
            “Throw the gun in.” Peter declared. Felix obeyed. “And your shoes.”
            Part of Felix felt a bit sad at parting with the shoes Peter had
given him, but he wordlessly obeyed, tossing the shoes into the hole. He threw
his socks in too; walking around barefoot felt more normal than having sock
feet out in the woods.
            Peter started to fill the hole in, and Felix followed suit. He
didn’t understand what Peter’s plan was; he was pretty sure someone had heard
the gun shots and saw them running, or something. They were going to get
caught. Or rather, Felix was. He’d already decided that he was going to take
full blame for this; there was no way in hell he’d let Peter go to prison for
even a day.
            Peter started walking back, and Felix followed him silently. Though
every bone in his body screamed to run the other way; to never return back to
the trailer park, or to town, instead, he followed Peter, right back home where
he was pretty sure was the last place he should go.
           
            When they turned down their road, Felix saw all the boys outside,
working, and hard. He squinted, not understanding a thing he was seeing. They
were going into and out of …Peter’s trailer, carrying sticks and dirt and mud
and Curly was leading squirrelswith cat food and they’d gotten ahold of
some…chickens, and the Garrison’s dog?
            “What the fuck?” he finally managed, as he and Pan came upon the
scene. “What the hell are you guys doing?” he asked, watching in horror as
Rufio stepped out of the trailer, barefoot, blood on his feet.
            He looked up at them and grinned.
            “Contaminating a crime scene.” he said. Pan reached up a palm and
Rufio high-fived it, as John ducked out from behind them, carrying a back pack
loaded with cash.
            “Where do you want it, Pan?” he asked.
            “Secret spot under the floor in the back bathroom.” he said. John
nodded, running through the rain towards home, and Felix stood, dumbfounded.
            “Don’t get mud in the house!” Peter yelled after him. Felix shook
his head and tried to come to his senses.
            “Peter, what are you doing? They’re all going to get arrested!”
            Peter laughed. “For playing? Bunch of uneducated trailer park boys
found an empty trailer and played around in it. That’s all.”
            “A trailer with two dead men in it!” Felix hissed. “Not to mention
hours and hours of … ‘movies’!”
            Peter shrugged.
            “Like I said. Stupid trailer park boys. Dumb ass neighbor kids.”
            Felix watched as all of his brothers ran amok over and through the
trailer, dragging mud through it, animals, sticks, toys, a bucket of paint?
            “Alright, that should do it.” Peter said. He put his fingers in his
mouth and whistled. Every boy stopped what he was doing and ran to gather
around them.
            “Okay, everybody remember what you saw?”
            “Yep! Big tall fat man.”
            “With red hair!”
            “And a beard!”
            “And a blue shirt!”
            “That’s right.” Peter said. “Now go spread rumors.” he said, and
they all scattered, running around in the rain, knocking on trailer doors,
asking everyone if they’d seen a strange fat man with red hair and a blue
shirt.
           
            By the time the cops arrived, everyone in the trailer park was
giving a description of a fat red-haired man who didn’t exist. The crime scene
was a disaster; the bare foot prints of six boys along with the shoeprints of
four others, including dog prints, chickens, cats, and all other manner of wild
animals. The police couldn’t determine anything.
            The police chief had also insisted on inspecting the trailer
himself, alone, first, and there was never a mention in the paper or anywhere
else about any child pornography being found. The cops came and gave a stern
talking to the boys about not playing where they shouldn’t, and asked them if
they’d ever seen a boy named Malcolm.
            “Who?” they all asked, innocently, thirteen pairs of stupid trailer
park eyes looking dumbly back at the officers who interviewed them. Once, the
police chief came into the trailer and Peter had to hide, but that lasted only
a few moments. The hubbub only lasted a few days, and then it died down. The
police took the bodies away, all the boys’ faces pressed to the windows of the
trailer as they watched, and then they were gone. They never bothered to clean
up; they never even took the crime scene tape down.
            Felix floated through those days in a fog. He did the usual chores
out of habit, but wasn’t much else use to anyone. Peter ran the family, taking
care of the boys, the cops, the trailer, and even Mom. Felix spent his evenings
lying on their bed, holding Peter tightly in his arms, kissing the top of his
head, and saying nothing.
            When the police were finally gone for good, and it slowly started
to dawn on him that they weren’t going to get caught, he relaxed enough one
evening to talk.
            “What did you tell the boys.” he said, his eyes still sunken, his
body still feeling like lead.
            “I told them my dad and that man were hurting me, and you protected
me.” he said. “I didn’t tell them how they were hurting me. I left that out.
Though I’m pretty sure Rufio and Slightly have figured out the truth.”
            Felix didn’t reply for a long time. He stared at the wall above the
TV.
            “I killed two men.”
            “You did.”
            Felix wrapped his arms around Peter tighter.
            “It’s freaking me out.”
            Peter turned around and looked into his lover’s face. He tried to
get Felix to make eye contact with him, but he wouldn’t.
            “You really were protecting me.” Peter said. “I don’t consider what
you did to be…wrong.”
            Felix met his eyes, then.
            “Neither do I, which is what’s freaking me out.” he said. “I keep
re-doing it in my mind, and I don’t change anything. I don’t make different
choices. And I don’t care.”
            Peter put his hands on the sides of Felix’s face.
            “Then stop dwelling on it.”
            “But I feel like I should care…”
            “Felix, they were the scum of the earth. You did all of humanity a
favor.”
            Felix sighed, and relaxed a bit, resting his back against the wall.
            “And you weren’t protecting just me. You were keeping all the boys
safe. The whole family.”
            He closed his eyes and pulled Peter to him, holding him tightly
against his chest.
            “It’s also freaking me out how easy it was to get away with it…but
then really, you’re just a fucking genius.”
            Peter snorted.
            “I was just able to think more clearly than you were in that
moment, is all.” Peter said. “And you’ve got twelve boys who love you to death
and would do anything for you.”
            “For us.” Felix said, putting his finger under Peter’s chin to lift
his face. “They would do anything for us. It was you who they listened to in
that moment.”
            Peter smiled at him softly and gave him a gentle kiss on his lips.
            “Yeah.” he said. “So,” he started, resting his head back on Felix’s
chest as he drew shapes on his arm with his fingers. “What are we gonna do with
all the money?”
 
 
***** Chapter 8 *****
 
 
            It was a much bigger question than either of them realized.
Especially after they counted it, and realized they had twenty thousand
dollars. Twenty. Thousand. Dollars.
            Fourteen pairs of eyes stared at the piles of cash, neatly stacked
on the table. Slightly whistled.
            “Maybe we counted it wrong.” Felix said.
            “I doubt it. Rufio’s pretty good at math.”
            “We didn’t count it wrong. We’re fucking rich.” Rufio added.
            “Is it enough for college?” John asked. Felix shook his head.
            “I don’t think so? Not for everyone, anyway.”
            “What about enough for a house?”
            “Like, a real house?” Felix asked, frowning. “I don’t think it’s
enough for that, either.”
            But it had to be enough for something, some way they could somehow
improve their lives.
            “We’ll figure it out.” Felix said.
 
            The first thing Felix wound up doing, though he never would have
dreamed of it in a thousand years, was pay the phone bill. The day he picked up
the phone and heard a dial tone, his eyes grew a little misty and he had to
turn away from the boys so they wouldn’t see it.
            “Does it work, Felix?”
            “Do you have the number?”
            “Are you gonna call Wendy?”
            His hand shook as he held the crumpled piece of paper in his hand
and dialed hi sister’s cell phone. It had been at least a year since they’d
last spoken. Longer.
           She picked up on the first ring.
            “What, Mom? I don’t have any money to send you.”
            Felix laughed when he heard her voice. She stopped yelling when she
heard him, and he could hear her happiness through the phone.
            “Felix?”
            “Hey, sis.” he said. She squealed with delight and he gave a thumbs
up to the room, and everyone shouted “HI WENDY!!!” towards the phone. Felix
turned to the corner where Peter stood, arms crossed, and gave him the most
ridiculous smile he’d ever made in his life.
            “Geeze, are there more of them?” she asked.
            “Yep. We’re fourteen, now.” he said. She whistled.
            “Where are you, these days?”
            “California.” she said. “But gosh, I miss you guys. You know if I
had the money for a flight…”
            “We do.”
            It was a long conversation after that. Felix left a lot out with so
many young ears listening, but he gave her the basic facts. He had no idea how
to buy a plane ticket, and she explained to him about reloadable credit cards,
turning cash into plastic, and going online to buy tickets. Peter ran over to
his old trailer to get his laptop—so the next thing they bought was internet
service.
            Two weeks later, and Felix was sitting outside the airport in his
cruddy truck, crushing his sister into his arms as she sat in the passenger
seat of his cab.
            “So tell me about this new…boyfriend of yours.” she said, making
kissy faces at him. He elbowed her and messed up her hair. She glared at him
and yanked a brush out of her purse to fix it.
            “He’s hotter than all the guys you ever dated.” he said, and she
laughed and flicked his ear.
            “Hey! I’m driving.”
            She smiled, and he looked her over. Her hair was already back in
gorgeous curls, still the natural blonde that she shared with Felix. They
speculated sometimes whether they might be full siblings, being so close in age
and having such similar looks. Mom never told them, or wasn’t sure; but they
both liked to think so.
            “How are you doing out there?” he asked.
            “Pretty great! I make awesome tips as a bartender and I’m even
going to school for accounting.” she said. He smiled brightly at her.
            “Man, wish I could do that.” he said. He saw the guilt fall over
her face.
            “I’m sorry.” she said. “I’m sorry I left you and the boys. I’m
sorry I left you with the boys, alone…”
            “It worked out.” he said. “I’m not alone now.”
            “Oh, I can’t wait to meet him.”
            It was awhile before Wendy got to meet anyone, because she took
about two steps in the door and was tackled by twenty arms and legs. The
conversation went on for hours, voices overlapping, Wendy doing mostly
listening and hardly any talking. Peter and Felix made dinner, and everyone
ate, and Wendy helped tuck the boys into bed the way she used to. Even Rufio
let her read him a bedtime story.
            It was well past midnight when the three of them finally got to be
alone in Felix’s room.
            “So. Peter.” Wendy said, holding out her hand for him to shake. He
did so, and she winked at Felix.
            “You’re right; he’s hot.”
            Felix threw a pillow at her face and blushed. Peter reacted by
slinking his arm around Felix’s waist and pulling him closer.
            “So, how did you guys meet?”
            The joking died down as they told her the real story; of how Peter
had come to the trailer park, what the asshole made him do (not in detail), and
eventually, after they swore her to secrecy about fifty times, what Felix had
done.
            She gasped and covered her mouth in shock. Felix winced, and Peter
squeezed his hand tightly with encouragement.
            “He was just protecting me. And the boys.” Peter said. Wendy nodded
slowly.
            “I’m…I get it, I do.” she said. “I just…I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” was
all she could say, pain clouding her usually bright face.
            “None of us are mad at you for getting out, Wendy.” Felix said
quietly. “There’s nothing you could have done if you’d stayed to make
anything…different.”
            She nodded, though the guilt still didn’t leave her face.
            “Besides, it turned out alright.” Felix said, and then they told
her about the money.
            “How much?” she said, her eyes wide.
            “Twenty thousand.”
            Her jaw dropped.
            “Holy shit, you guys stole twenty thousand dollars!?”
            Felix set his jaw and anger flashed through his eyes.
            “No, we didn’t steal anything. It’s Peter’s money, he earned it.”
            Her eyes darted back and forth between the two of them for a
moment, before understanding dawned on her face, and the guilt returned.
            “Right. I’m sorry.” she said.
            Peter shrugged.
            “So, we just don’t know what to do with it yet.” Felix said. “It’s
not enough to buy a house…”
            Wendy’s smile returned then and her eyes grew bright.
            “The two of you should get out.” she said. “Move to the city. Get
your own place. Get jobs, be free.”
            Felix sighed the way he did when one of the boys asked him to do
something he knew was impossible.
            “I can’t leave the boys, Wendy.”
            She bit her lower lip, frowning.
            “Rufio’s not stepping up to the plate, take his turn?” she said.
            Felix and Peter looked at each other, considering it. It was a
really, really tempting idea. Just the two of them. Alone. No one else to worry
about…
            “You know what.” Wendy said, standing up. “What am I saying? It’s
my turn to take care of the boys.”
            Felix flew to his feet.
            “No way! You’re getting an education, you can’t just throw that
away…”
            Wendy put her hands on Felix’s shoulders and pushed him back down
onto the bed, in full Bossy Big Sister mode.
            “I’ll be graduating in two months.” she said. “And when I come
back, I will have a job, a real one. Mom will let me back in because I’ll have
money. I’ll take care of them and I’ll make Rufio help me, and Slightly too,
they’re in high school, it’s time for them to grow up.”
            Felix looked at his only sister with pain in his eyes.
            “Wendy, you’re already free, you can’t…you can’t do that. You can’t
come back. No. I won’t let you!”
            She reached out and put her finger under his chin, somehow making
him feel small and little again. She was really, the only mother he’d ever had.
            “You don’t have a say in this matter.” she said. “I’ve had my turn
out in the world. And I’m getting to better myself. My degree is never going to
go away, right? I’ll always have it. Now it’s your turn. You and Peter. You’ve
dealt with enough shit. You’re getting out, and I’m not taking no for an
answer.”
            Felix stared at her for a good three seconds before he stood and
yanked her into his arms, crushing her tightly with a fierce hug.
            “I will come by to help you out as much as I can. And if you need
any of this money, for anything¸ you call us.” he said.
            She hugged him back just as tightly, stroking her palm over his
head like she did eons ago, when they were little, and it was just the three of
them, her, Felix, and Rufio. Felix felt her strength, her warmth, the love of
his big sister, and for the first time in a long, long time, he felt like
everything was going to be okay.
 
            Life returned to normal. Or rather, it was better than normal.
Peter never left, anymore. He was a permanent resident of the Boyd household
now. And a permanent resident in Felix’s bed. Cramming together on a twin
mattress had become so usual, so normal, that when Peter wasn’t there, Felix
woke up.
            He saw the light on in the hall and heard sniffling. He walked out
into the kitchen to see Michael clutching his teddy bear, Peter with his arm
around him, reading him a story while he clutched a glass of milk.
            Peter looked up and gave Felix a smile.
            “Michael just had a bad dream. But we’re okay now, right Mikey?”
            Felix’s second-youngest brother nodded with sleepy eyes.
            “Go back to bed, Fee. I got this handled.”
            Felix leaned down and gave Peter a peck on the lips, and shuffled
back to bed, though he didn’t really fall back to sleep until Peter folded into
his arms, warm and safe under the covers.
            They made out almost every night. After the boys were asleep, no
matter how tired they were, no matter how exhausting a day they’d had, they
still always managed to have energy for each other. Most often they would stay
dressed, and Peter would slide their dicks out of their pajama pants, stroking
them together while Felix wrapped his arms tightly around his back, holding
them close. Their breaths were heavy but silent, not wanting to wake the boys,
their pants brushing past each other’s ears until the pleasure made them need
to cry out, muffled into each other’s necks.
           
            Two months flew by. School was ending, and Felix could hardly
believe he’d known Peter for only a year. It felt like he’d lived with them
forever. Still, everything felt normal until Wendy moved back in. And their
plans started to become…real.
            She slept on the floor in Felix’s room (there was nowhere else to
sleep), and they tried to keep their hands off each other, and were pretty
unsuccessful at it. That lasted only for a week, until, with Wendy’s help, they
found and apartment in the city.
            It was tiny by apartment standards…but it was huge compared to
Felix’s old room. It was only one room, but the room was big. It had a stove,
and a sink, and a tiny fridge. The bathroom was at the end of the hall, shared
with three other apartments on that floor. With the money they paid the
security deposit, first month’s rent, and bought a new bed. New. Brand-new, and
full size. Big enough for two people.
            On moving day, the boys had a blast moving all of Felix’s things
into the bed of the truck. Though he’d lived his entire life in a crowded room
packed with so many things there wasn’t space to turn around, it all fit into
one trip in the back of a pickup truck. When they moved it to the new
apartment, it all fit. He now had a closet and a dresser, and shelves, and
space to spare. Wendy followed behind them in the minivan they’d bought her—a
fancy thing, only five years old, probably one of the newest vehicles in the
entire trailer park. Ideal for carting around a million boys.
            Everyone came in to have a look. Tootles and Michael jumped on the
bed, trying to hit their heads on the ceiling. Curly couldn’t get over the fact
that they had their own stove. The twins kept racing each other down the hall
to the community bathroom and back, making Felix wince. He didn’t want their
new neighbors to hate them already…
            Then it was time for everyone to go. They all piled into Wendy’s
new minivan, and Felix hugged her, and wouldn’t let go.
            “If you need help, ever, with anything, you call us…” he said,
looking one more time at the new cell phone in his hand, one for each of them.
            “Felix, we’ll be fine. I know how to take care of the boys.” she
said.
            “I know, but…”
            “Go live your new life.”
            “But you’re trapped, now…”
            “No, I’m not. We’re still a team, okay? If I need to get away, you
come over and babysit.”
            He nodded, looking into his sister’s eyes with more gratefulness
than he had words for. He hugged her once more, crushing her ribs until she
squeaked, and then she got in the van and they were gone, ten arms waving out
the windows as they drove down the street.
            Felix turned to Peter and gave him an uncertain smile.
            “This is unreal.” he said. Peter took his hand and led him up the
stairs, two flights, to their new room…their new apartment.
            “So.” Felix said, sitting down on the bed. “Nobody to take care
of.”
            “No laundry to do.” Peter added.
            “No cooking for fifty.”
            “No cleaning up messes.”
            “No doing homework.”
            “No fights to break up.”
            “No tears to wipe.”
            Felix turned to Peter and laughed a little.
            “I have no idea what to do with myself.”
            Peter gave him a smirk and crawled onto the bed beside him.
            “Well, I know what to do with you.” he said, brushing his fingers
along Felix’s cheek. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips, and Felix
moaned softly. Peter moved his kisses across his jaw and down his neck,
insistent, needy. He put his hands on Felix’s chest and pushed him back until
he lay on the bed, his legs hanging over the side. Peter crawled on top of him
and straddled his hips.
            “Easy there, tiger.” Felix said, laughing.
            “Are you kidding me.” Peter whispered into his ear. “It’s been a
week since we’ve had your sister in our room…since I’ve had you properly…”
            Peter’s lips pressed hard into Felix’s neck and he moaned. The heat
was staring to rise to his ears. He lifted his arms and wrapped them around
Peter’s back, pulling him tightly to him. He rolled over, until Peter was under
him, and shoved his lips deep into Peter’s neck. He sucked, hard, still
reveling in the fact that he could mark him now; Peter was his, not to be
shared, never again to be touched by anyone else.
            Felix’s fingers scrambled down to the hem of Peter’s shirt and he
yanked it off, the flush in his cheeks blooming as he pulled off his own shirt.
Peter looked up at him with the sexiest eyes, raking them over Felix’s bare
chest. Felix leaned down again, both of his hands on the sides of Peter’s face,
and ground his hips down into him.
            Peter moaned and bucked up, rubbing their dicks together through
their jeans. Felix moved his kisses down Peter’s chest, dragging his tongue
over his perfect pale skin. He sucked Peter’s right nipple into his mouth and
he moaned, wrapping his fingers into Felix’s blond hair. Felix bit gently,
flicking his tongue over Peter’s nipple, enjoying how it made him harder. He
ground down into Peter’s dick again, and he whined.
            “F…F…Fee…” he said, his breath airy.
            “Mmm?” Felix said, not releasing Peter’s nipple from between his
lips. He dragged his fingers over Peter’s other nipple, teasing the hardened
nub with the pad of his thumb.
            “Uhhnn…” was all Peter said. Felix slid his free hand down to the
top of Peter’s jeans and popped the button open, perfectly skilled at undoing
jeans one-handed, now. He eased the zipper down, snaking his hand into Peter’s
pants to rub along his length outside his boxers. Peter groaned and bucked his
hips up into Felix’s hand.
            Felix released his nipple from his mouth, and Peter curled into
him. Tired of their legs dangling over the edge of the bed, Felix pulled
Peter’s body all the way onto it, and he giggled, drunk-sounding. Felix looked
down at him with adoration as he hooked his fingers into the top of Peter’s
jeans and pulled them down, boxer and all, everything in one go until he was
naked.
            Felix stood, gazing down at Peter, naked, flushed, dick hard and
swollen. His hands went to his own jeans and he yanked them off quickly, the
cool air bringing a chill to his skin.
            Peter looked up at him with seductive eyes.
            “How about today.” he asked. “Right now.”
            Lust and embarrassment both flew to deepen the flush in Felix’s
cheeks. He knew what Peter was asking. They’d talked about it. Several times.
Agreed they’d wait till they had their own place. Didn’t want to boys walking
in on them…doing…that.
            “Are you sure?” he asked.
            “Fuck, Felix, you know how sure I am. You’re the one who keeps
hesitating.”
            “I just...I don’t…want to hurt you…”
            Peter gave him a look.
            “You won’t.”
            Felix swallowed nervously.
            “I’ve never done…”
            Peter sat up, wrapped his arms around him, and pulled him into the
bed. Felix easily melted into his arms, familiar, comforting, loving. Peter
stroked his fingers through his hair and whispered softly into his ear.
            “You’re out of excuses, now. I’m all better. Everything’s in
working order. No more boys to worry about. No more Mom. No more excuses,
Felix.” he said, kissing gently along the shell of his ear. “The only reason
I’ll accept now is if you don’t want to. That’s it. Say that, and I won’t bring
it up again. But you have to stop worrying about me, okay? I know me. I know
what I want. You don’t tell me what I want.”
            Felix pulled Peter tightly into his arms and felt his fingers
slowly stroking through his hair. He lifted his face out of the crook of
Peter’s neck and looked into his eyes.
            “Okay. Yes.” he said. “Show me.”
            A wide grin spread over Peter’s face and he rolled onto his back,
pulling Felix so he was on top of him.
            “Now carry on, hot stuff.” he said. Felix’s body was still turned
on and it wasn’t hard to do as Peter asked. He kissed down his partner’s chest,
pressing his lips into Peter’s soft stomach, feeling his dick brush against the
underside of his chin. He moved his lips over the tip of Peter’s dick, making
him moan in that way he loved.
            He sucked him into his mouth, Peter’s hips bucking up into him, his
hands tangling into his hair. Felix pushed his lips down, squeezing Peter’s
dick with his mouth as he sucked him further in, his tongue pressing along the
side. His ears burned hotter with each moan that he drew from Peter’s lips. He
used to feel guilty, getting so hot from Peter’s voice, knowing that so many
others had…but Peter had long talked that guilt out of him.
            “It’s real, for you.” Peter had told him. “I’ve never meant it
before.”
            Felix sucked up and pushed down again, Peter’s body twitching under
him from pleasure. He loved making Peter feel pleasure. It was easy to forget
about himself and become lost in making Peter feel good. He lightly raked his
teeth along Peter’s cock, hooking them just under the head and pulling up
gently. Peter groaned deep and low, his grip in Felix’s hair tightening. He
shoved Felix’s head down again, and Felix smiled inwardly as he pleased his
lover.
            Peter started to buck up into his mouth, and Felix eagerly held
still so he could fuck his mouth. And then Peter stopped. He pulled out,
panting, his chest heaving, his cheeks red.
            Felix looked up at him with half-closed eyes and a bit of
disappointment.
            “Nice try.” Peter said, giving him a playful smirk. He rolled over
to reach down into his bag on the floor—everything he owned still fit into one
single bag—and pulled out a tube of lubricant.
            He rolled onto his back and looked up at Felix with a very
suggestive smirk, holding the tube out to him.
            Felix sat up on his knees, shaking, and took it.
            “I have no idea what I’m do…”
            Peter sat up and put his finger over his lips. He scooted back
further on the bed and lay down again, spreading his legs wide open, his face
seductive, his eyes lustful.
            “Come here.” he said, gesturing between his legs. Flaming with
embarrassment and shyness, Felix complied, sitting between Peter’s legs.
            “Put that down.” he said, gesturing at the tube, and Felix placed
it on the bed.
            “Now just cover me, come on.” Peter said. Felix shook as he leaned
forward, pressing his chest over Peter’s. Peter reached up and placed kisses on
his lips, and that was familiar. He felt Peter wrap his arms around his back,
and he felt the warmth off of his body, felt his heart beating, felt his pulse.
Felix kissed him back slowly, sweetly, lingering.
            Peter slid a hand down to clasp both of their dicks together, and
heat flowed through Felix’s blood. He stroked them, and Felix’s hardness
returned, desire racing through him. He looked down at Peter with half-closed
eyes, pressing kisses to his lips between heavy pants, feeling his hand move
their dicks together, rubbing pleasure deep into Felix’s balls.
            He felt Peter’s hand slick with pre-cum, and started to rock his
body forward. He was rewarded with friction against Peter’s palm and his dick,
Felix’s body burning hotter. He groaned softly. Peter pulled his hand away and
Felix’s eyes flew open.
            “No, don’t stop…” he said.
            “Oh, but it’s gonna feel so much better, Fee.” he said. He heard
the pop of a lid, and then felt cold squishiness in Peter’s hand rub along his
dick. He shrank away out of instinct.
            “Sorry. It’ll warm up in a few seconds.” Peter said. Peter’s hand
stroked along him, squeezing him, giving him pressure exactly how he liked it,
and the heat returned. Felix looked into Peter’s eyes and he saw the delight
there.
            “You can’t wait to do this.” Felix said.
            “No shit.” Peter replied. Felix gave a laugh and a quick smile,
which vanished as he felt the pleasure in his dick from Peter’s hand.
            Then his hand disappeared lower, down to between Peter’s own legs.
Felix heard squishing noises that somehow managed to make his face burn hotter.
It was so…sexual. So…dirty. So…beyond hot and not supposed to. His mind swam,
and he finally screwed up the courage to look. He sat back, until he was able
to see Peter’s fingers, sliding into himself below his balls, pressing in and
out, slick and wet. Peter’s other arm was above his head, his face flushed red,
his eyes gliding over Felix’s body, moving from his face, down to his dick, and
back to his face.
            “Well you’re certainly enjoying the show.” Peter said.
            Felix had no voice. He barely managed to nod.
            Peter slid his hand out, and reached it towards Felix. Felix stared
between his legs, and Peter laughed.
            “Come here, you.” he said.
            Felix crawled back over Peter, having no idea what to do…
            Peter raised his knees and took Felix’s dick into his palm. He
guided it down, under his balls, and wow, he was really, really warm, hot,
even, and Felix felt the tip of his dick press against heat, against skin,
against…
            “Just push in.” Peter said. Felix nodded, his eyes locking onto
Peter’s face. He pushed, slowly, gently…
            Peter’s other hand reached around to grab his ass and shove him
forward. Felix moved.
            “Oh…fuck.” Felix said, as his dick was surrounded by heat, by
tightness, on all sides, pulled in, deep, hot…
            “All the way in. Come on, baby.” Peter said. Felix trembled, his
elbows shaking as they attempted to hold himself up. He felt his balls touch
Peter’s ass. Warm. He was so warm.
            “There you go.” Peter said, his breath washing over his neck. “Feel
good?”
            Felix could hardly find the control to nod.
            “Now move for me.” Peter said. “Please.”
            Felix pulled out just a little, and pushed in again, and fuck.
            He did it again, and again, and pleasure and instinct started to
take over his brain. Damn, it felt good. His dick swelled with desire and he
pulled out, pushed back in, pulled out farther, pushed back in harder. The
faster he went the more amazing it felt. Peter’s back fell to the bed and he
saw his face, saw him enjoying himself, and Felix stopped holding back.
            He thrust, and Peter moaned. Heat raced through his body as lust
pulsed up his dick, spreading through him, driving him into Peter over and
over. The boy he loved moved on the bed with him, his entire body shifting up
and down with Felix’s thrusts, one arm wrapped around Felix’s neck, the other
tossed above his head. Felix shifted his weight into a better position and
thrust.
            Peter moaned loudly, his voice humming along with Felix’s thrusts,
his brown hair shifting each time Felix pushed into him.
            “Oh fuck yes, fuck me, Felix, please…please, I need you in me,
please…”
            How could he refuse that?
            Felix started to fuck. He pushed in hard, fast, and as deep as he
could, his thrusts sending waves of pleasure up his dick, straight to his
balls, and up his spine. He panted, his breath washing over Peter’s face as his
body slid up and down the bed. Felix’s hips snapped forward, his muscles
burning, his legs aching, and he didn’t care. It felt incredible. He looked
down into Peter’s eyes and smiled seductively.
            He shifted his weight again, and Peter’s head flew back.
            “Oh fuck yes there!” he cried, and Felix pushed harder in the exact
same way. Peter’s throat was exposed to him, his body trembling, the hand
around his neck tightening as his other hand went down to his dick. He felt
Peter stroking himself and pushed harder, feeling the heat rise, build, the
pressure swell against the walls of his dick.
            “Oh fuck, yes, yes!” Peter cried. Felix felt his cum splash against
his stomach, and damn, it was hot. Felix drove himself down into Peter, his
entire body sweating, his muscles trembling, until everything circled to gather
between his legs and exploded. He grunted and orgasmed, wave after wave of
pleasure radiating through him, from Peter, into Peter. He pushed in hard and
deep, his cum slicking Peter on the inside, until he collapsed on top of him,
chest heaving, Peter’s cum squishing between them along with the sweat.
            Peter wrapped his arms tightly around Felix’s back, and Felix
squeezed his shoulders.
            “Fuck that was incredible.” Peter said.
            “Yeah.” Felix said. “Why was I hesitating, again?”
            Peter laughed, and turned to press little kisses along his ear.
            “You gonna stay in me all day?” Peter asked. Felix snorted.
            “You got a problem if I do?”
            “Not at all, babe.” Peter said, coming his clean hand through
Felix’s hair. He was shrinking already, his body satisfied now, and he moved,
wincing at the…mess that flowed out of Peter.
            “Don’t worry about it…” Peter said, but Felix’s mothering instincts
took over. He walked over to a garbage bag full of clothes and linens and
yanked out a towel. He wiped himself down and then came over to clean off
Peter, being gentle but thorough, cleaning his ass, his dick, his thighs, this
stomach.
            He tossed the towel to the floor and pulled Peter into his arms. He
trembled. Felix felt a tear hit his shoulder, and he wrapped his arms tightly
around Peter, holding the back of his head with his palm.
            “Nobody’s ever done that.” he said softly.
            “Done what?” Felix asked, lost.
            “Cleaned me up.”
            The familiar anger and rage boiled to the surface, but Felix was
used to it now, and he pushed it away. He didn’t want that here, not now. That
wasn’t what this moment was about. He held Peter tightly to him, and pulled the
blankets up over them, in their new bed, naked, together, raw and open.
            “Well somebody’s always going to clean you up from now on.” he
said, and Peter’s fingers clutched at his chest.
            “In that case,” Peter said. “Yes.”
            Felix snorted and pulled him away so he could see his face.
            “What?” he asked, totally confused, his thumb wiping the tears from
Peter’s cheeks.  Peter looked into his eyes, bright green and full of love.
            “Last Christmas. You asked me to marry you.” Peter said. “I’m
saying yes.”
            Felix pulled Peter close to him and held him tightly. Why not?
            “Sure.” he said. “I mean, absolutely. You’re practically a Boyd
anyway.”
            He felt Peter smile against the skin of his neck.
            “I just don’t want to have any kids, okay?” he said. “We have
enough.”
            Felix laughed, his heart light and full, and he planted a thousand
kisses onto Peter’s face. They talked for a long time, joking, laughing, about
how they’d done everything practically backwards- raising kids first, then
having sex, then getting married last. Eventually, the exhaustion from having
spent the day moving, and then making love, got to them. Peter drifted off
first, and Felix smiled softly at the peacefulness on his face. He was safe.
They were safe. They’d survived everything and come out okay, and for the first
time, Felix thought about the future. There was a future. And in it, they were
together, safe, and it was bright. Everything was bright. They were free.
           
           
 
 
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