Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/7529146.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Muse_(Band)
  Relationship:
      Matt_Bellamy/Dom_Howard
  Character:
      Matt_Bellamy, Dom_Howard, Chris_Wolstenholme, Morgan_Nicholls, Tom_Kirk,
      Original_Male_Character(s)
  Additional Tags:
      Implied/Referenced_Child_Abuse, Implied/Referenced_Self-Harm, Implied/
      Referenced_Rape/Non-con, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional_Hurt/Comfort, Reflection
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-07-19 Updated: 2016-12-14 Chapters: 8/? Words: 8589
****** Pieces Of My Heart ******
by Denstort
Summary
     Sequel to "It's My Life"
     Matthew had made his choice...left everything behind...but your past
     will never let you go.
***** Chapter 1 *****
“Okay, let’s see how it looks, yes, that’s better, it looks really good. Here,
see for yourself.”
Matthew looked at his reflection, there was still a scar, but the surgeon was
right. It was far less noticeable and would eventually become a white line,
just like the other one on his other cheek. Not that he was seeing clients at
the moment, and he didn’t know if he would again...well, not on the scale he
had been.
That was Craig’s influence, and he’d been living and sleeping with Craig for
the last six months. He cared for Craig, would even admit that he felt
affection towards him, but he stopped short of saying that he loved him.
Love was not for people like him, people like him knew that love was for fools
and greeting cards.
“Now, why don’t you let me try and improve that scar on your back.”
The surgeon’s words brought him back from his thoughts.
“No, leave it as it is.”
“But you told me that it’s painful at times, don’t you want the pain to stop?”
“No, the pain and it is a reminder of something.”
“All right, then I will see you in three month, Matthew.”
He nodded and before he left, he made the next appointment, then stepped out of
the clinic and into a waiting car.
“Mister Sanderson says he will meet you at the usual luncheon spot. He is
running a few minutes late and asks that you chose something for him,” the
driver said.
He nodded and remained quiet until the car stopped . He thanked the driver and
walked the short distance to the brasserie and greeted the front of house
person, before being led to the canal-side table that they always sat at. He
sat watching the people walk by, enjoying the summer sun. He watched a small
group of canoeists glide past, so different from the frenetic Dragon Boat Races
that Craig had taken him to.
Craig...yes, he cared for Craig, would even go so far as to say that he felt
affection for Craig...but love..no love was for fools and greeting cards.
********************
Dominic sighed and put the photograph in the file. It joined the other
photographs and reports; he closed the file. It had been six months sine
Matthew had gotten into that car; had made his choice.
He hadn’t told Matthew’s family where he was, he only told them that he was
safe. Yes, not only safe, but he looked happy...well he did in the latest
photograph of Matthew and Craig Sanderson enjoying lunch at the Bank Brasserie
in Brindleyplace.
Oh, he’d found out who owned that Bentley, one Craig Sanderson, successful and
very wealthy business man, with connections in all the right places, and the
man he’d also being living with as it happened.
He had to admit that Matthew looked healthy; whatever else Craig Sanderson was,
he was making sure that Matthew stayed away from drugs, and the game, as well,
so it seemed.
That raised another question...was Matthew just staying with him until his
injuries healed, or was he actually with him? That thought made him sad, but as
the saying goes...you don’t miss it till it’s gone.
James had been gone for twenty years and Matthew had been gone for six months.
God, that sounded odd, but James and Matthew were two different people within
one person. James had been shy and a talented musician, and Dominic now knew he
would have loved James; if he hadn’t been taken.
He loved Matthew, he’d known it from their first meeting in that hotel
room...all that attitude, wrapped up in a beautiful body, and finding out it
had been James had made him fall even deeper. But that chance had gone, when
Matthew had gotten into that car, and now he was reduced to photographs and
reports that he got from Chris and his team.
He sighed again and placed the file in his private draw and locked it. He
picked up another file, a file on someone who his foundation cold help.
********************
“You don’t want this scar gone?” Craig said, as he traced the ‘M’ with his
finger, smiling at the way Matthew’s skin twitched at his touch.
“No, it’s a reminder.”
“A reminder of what?” he asked, trailing the same finger down Matthew’s spine.
“That letting your guard down only leads to pain.”
“Matthew, why won’t you tell me how you got it. Someone must have really hated
you to do this.”
“Just leave it, Craig,” Matthew said and moved away from his touch.
Craig let out a long breath; he was under no illusion that Matthew loved him,
like he loved Matthew, no matter what he wished. He just wished that Matthew
would confide in him. All he wanted was to look after him, give him the
security that he was pretty certain he had never had.
He was about to speak again when Matthew turned to face him.
“I don’t want to argue, not now and not here.”
“What do you want?” Craig asked.
“I want to forget....please, make me forget....just for while.”
***** Chapter 2 *****
The bar at the hotel was fairly crowded, yet he’d been shown to a table, he had
the feeling that his ‘date’ for tonight used this place regularly as a meeting
place.
“Mister Sanderson?” a man’s voice said.
He looked up and into eyes so blue, that he was instantly lost in them.
“Are you Mister Sanderson?”
He blinked then noticed the person attached to those eyes; he was stunning.
“Yes, and it’s Craig.”
“Then I’m Matthew.”
Matthew, if that was his real name smiled and sat down.
“That’s a nice suit, Matthew.”
“Your instructions did specify smart attire. So, where am I escorting you?”
Craig wasn’t expecting much from the escort, just to smile and laugh at the
right moments and look pretty. But he found that Matthew was nothing like what
he thought was the ‘stereotypical’ escort. He was witty and charming and his
knowledge of art was expansive. By the end of the night he was totally
enchanted by him.
Of course, it eventually came down to why you hired an escort, and Matthew was
just as attentive in bed. But when he asked him to stay the night, he refused.
Craig found he couldn’t forget Matthew and started ‘seeing’ Matthew regularly,
until eventually he said he trusted him enough to spend the night.
But still he knew that he was just a client, and had told him so when he had
asked him out on a proper date. A week late Matthew had just disappeared, and
he thought he would never see him again.
“Mister Sanderson?”
He blinked when his PA called his name. “
Sir, you two o’clock is here.”
“Thank you, show him in. Please sit...so Mister Bellamy, how can my company
help the McNeil Centre?”
********************
Matthew took another sip of his coffee, and once again scanned the plaza,
looking for the person he was here to meet. He spotted the person and waved to
get his attention.
“Mattie, thought you’d kicked the bucket when you dropped off the radar.”
“Things got a bit complicated. But I’m back now Sammy.”
“You looking to get back in the game. There’ll be a long list of clients happy
to hear that.”
He shook his head, “No...well maybe one or two select clients. Ones that don’t
mind this,” he said, pointing at the still healing scar.
“I hope whoever did that paid for it.”
“Not here to talk about the past. I’m here to talk about the future and about a
partnership.”
Sammy raised an eyebrow, “ A partnership?”
“You run one of the biggest stables in London, but what you lack are really
rich and classy clients, the ones inside London and outside. I can you give you
them.”
He reached into his jacket and took out his business phone.
He saw Sammy’s eyes light up.
“Is that your list?”
“On this list are businessmen with international companies....MPs, judges,
bankers, celebrities and other VIPs. I’m offering to share the list with you,
but these clients won’t trust anyone but me. You can share this, but I want to
run it and choose the escorts.”
Sammy sat back, “If I agree, what percentage would you want?”
“I’m not greedy or stupid, forty percent is enough to keep me comfortable.
Imagine Sammy, you and certain associates of yours will have access to clients
who have other rich and influential friends and associates. I can turn your
stable and your business into the biggest in the UK, and quiet possibly Europe,
and from there, who knows.”
Sammy was quiet for a while, then stuck out his hand, “Welcome to the other
side, Mattie.”
Matthew took the outstretched hand...finally he was getting his life back.
*************************
“Bellamy, why do I know that name.”
Paul shifted in his seat, should he tell Craig Sanderson. Dominic had been
pushing for the centre in Birmingham, and he knew why; it was where they had
found James, after twenty years of never giving up hope. But he knew that
Dominic hoped that the news would draw James or Matthew back.
But they didn’t know if he was even still in Birmingham, or if he was even
alive; it had been six months since Dominic had told him that James was at
least alive. He could be lying somewhere dead and uncared for and unnoticed,
just like that poor boy his brother may have seen murdered all those years ago,
but had definitely seen him being dumped like a piece of rubbish.
That frightened him, because it could have been James all those years ago; it
still could be.
“Never mind,” Craig Sanderson said. “Of course my company will contribute to
such a fine charity. Why doesn’t your CEO, Dominic Howard isn’t it, attend a
garden party I’m holding at my country house at the weekend. I believe I may
have the perfect site for your new centre.”
*******************
Dominic didn’t know what to do; he had to attend the party. He didn’t know how
he’d managed to hide his reaction when Paul had told him who their newest
benefactor was. Now Chris was driving him through the gates of Craig
Sanderson's very large country house.
“You okay?” Chris asked.
“Not really, what if Matthew is here?”
“Dom, if he is, he is. I doubt he’ll make a scene.”
He let out a nervous breath, how would Matthew react? How would he react, and
would Craig Sanderson recognise him from their brief glimpse of each other
outside Sonny’s apartment?
As it happened, Craig Sanderson didn't recognise him, and he found him to be a
pleasant and very likeable man; but his view of him was soured by the fact that
the man may be paying Matthew to stay with him. Then he saw Matthew...good
lord, he’d forgotten how stunning he was.
Then those oh so blue eyes spotted him and Dominic saw him tense. Then Craig
Sanderson was calling him over.
“Matthew, this is Dominic Howard, he runs the McNeil centre for.....”
“I know what the centre does,” Matthew said. “It’s a pleasure to meet you,
Mister Howard.”
Dominic felt a twinge of, was that jealousy when Craig put an arm around
Matthew's waist, and Matthew didn’t seem uncomfortable with it. Someone called
Craig’s name and he let go of Matthew.
“You must excuse me, business calls, we will talk, Dominic. Matthew, why don’t
you show Dominic my cars, since I saw that Jaguar you arrived in. I’m sure you
will appreciate a classic.”
Matthew nodded and gestured for him to follow.
They entered the very large garage and finally Dominic spoke.
“Matthew.” Matthew held up a hand, “Whatever you’re going to say, I don’t want
to hear it.”
“Matthew, please, at least call your family and let them know you’re okay.”
“No, that’s not my life, this is.”
“What, being paid by some hypocrite to be his mattress.”
Those blue eyes flashed with anger.
“It’s not like that with Craig.”
Dominic grabbed Matthew’s arm, “Then tell me what it is like.”
Matthew’s eyes narrowed, then widened. “Oh, I see it now. You still have a
thing for me. Well , get over it, I’m with Craig now.”
He pulled his arm free of his grip and walked out of the garage. Dominic didn’t
follow, he’d something in Matthew’s eyes...those words were a lie.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Matthew walked away from the garage as fast as he could without drawing
attention, away from Dominic. He took a set of cars keys and quickly got into
one of the little sports car that sat on the drive and sped out of the gates.
It didn’t take him long to get to his destination; not the way he was
driving…way too fast and way too carelessly.
This was a place he came to, when he needed to think, when things became too
much, and Dominic appearing had been too much. He thought he was finally
getting away from his past. Okay, he was still in the business, but that was
part of who he was, and he wasn’t going to deny it. It was the painful past
that he was hoping to get away from, and Dominic had become part of that
painful past.
As he sat staring out at the view, another reminder of his painful past caused
him to twitch, and he couldn’t stop the flashback to that night.
He knew as soon as the group of men had entered the ‘house’ that they were the
kind of men that were used to getting what they wanted, and they wanted to
party. He tried to keep his presence low-key, but also letting the workers know
that he was keeping an eye on their safety. He nodded to the minder that
everything was okay and the minder went back to guarding the main door.
Everything was going fine, until he made the mistake of not watching his bottle
of water. After that it was all a bit hazy, but he found he was underneath
someone, but too weak to struggle or call for help. He crawled away after the
man had finished and passed out. He was pulled from oblivion by pain as Morison
pulled him to his knees by his hair, and yanked his head back.
“Wake up whore!” Morrison snarled. “You got fucked last night, didn’t you?”
He couldn’t think straight, he tried to defend himself, but Morrison wasn’t
listening.
“Nobody fucks you but me, you’re mine. Guess I’m going to have to remind you
and show everyone else who you belong to.”
He was pulled up, still be his hair, but he didn’t cry out, knowing it would
lead to more pain. He wasn’t expecting to be dragged into the kitchen and to be
held face down on the table.
“Turn the music up, as loud as it can go,” Morrison said.
Then he heard the sound of a gas ring being lit. After that he didn’t just cry
out, he screamed and kept screaming until his voice left him, and all he could
do as sob silently as the skin on his back felt like it was on fire.
Matthew shuddered as his skin crawled…of course he would never forget his past,
not with it being carved into his back. He let out a long breath, he couldn’t
sit here forever, what should he do? Dominic’s appearance had thrown a huge
rock in what had been a fairly calm pond that was becoming his life.
True, he was intending to move out of Craig’s once he had enough money behind
him. But Craig knew that, he’d always been open with Craig about that; even if
he was never open about his past. That made his stomach lurch slightly…would
Dominic now threaten what he had started to build here? Would he have to leave
it all behind again? If he had to, he would, he was very good at disappearing
and not being found.
He let out a sigh that was tinged with more sadness than he expected, despite
himself, he had grown fond of Craig, not loved, but very fond. His phone
ringing made him jump, he looked at the caller ID, it was Craig.
“Are you okay, Matthew? You took off, has something upset you?”
He hesitated before speaking. “I’m fine, garden parties aren’t my thing, that
and all those stuffed shirts.”
“Oh, okay…when will you be coming back?”
“Actually, I might just head back to Birmingham, if that’s okay?”
“You don’t have to ask. Are you sure something hasn’t upset you?”
He could hear the worry in Craig’s voice…no, it wasn’t a something, it was a
someone, but he wasn’t a malicious person, he wouldn’t ruin whatever business
Dominic had with Craig.
“I’m sure, can you apologise to Mister Howard for me. I never gave him that
tour of your garage.”
“I’m sure he’ll understand, I’ll bring your weekend bag back with me.”
“Thanks and Craig, whatever happens in the future, I care about you lot.” He
cut Craig’s query off by turning his phone off and get back into the car and
started on the drive back to Birmingham…damn you Dominic…why now?
******************
Dominic didn’t go after Matthew, what would be the point and he didn’t want to
cause a scene…but seeing Matthew again in person after six months was still a
shock. He was expecting the attitude; they hadn’t parted on the best of terms.
But he hadn’t expected Matthew’s eyes to give lie to the words that came out of
his mouth.
Finally, he managed to move, but by the time he’d gotten back to the garden,
Matthew was nowhere in sight. He did see Craig, who was making straight for
him.
“Dominic, Matthew told me to apologise for leaving you so abruptly. He doesn’t
really like these sort of things.”
Dominic thought Craig was going to leave it at that, but he said. “Dominic,
your Centre deals with victims of abuse, doesn’t it?”
“It does.”
“And I read in your profile that you are a qualified counsellor?”
Dominic nodded, where was this going?
“Can I speak to you in private and in confidence?”
Dominic tensed, then said, “Of course.”
They ended up in the library and Craig offering a very nice brandy.
“I’m worried about Mathew.”
He had to ask, “Is Matthew your partner?”
“I wish he was,” Craig said, a sad smile on his face.
Somewhere inside a part of him did a happy dance.
“Matthew has had a troubled life…well I’m guessing. And I’m asking you to
please not judge me, but I met Matthew when he was working as an escort.”
So that’s how he knew Matthew.
“It’s something I have recently began to realise was not something to be proud
of, but I’d also stopped seeing Matthew as an escort, even if he only ever saw
me as one of his clients. But that’s beside the point, Matthew just disappeared
until I got a call from him out of the blue six months ago.”
Dominic wanted to be angry at Craig Sanderson, but he wasn’t, the man seemed to
be genuinely concerned about Matthew.
“Has he told you where he’d been?”
Craig shook his head, “No, but he has scars that he didn’t have before he
disappeared…one that...”
Dominic saw a shiver run through Craig, and his heart jolts; he knows what scar
Craig is talking about. But it isn’t the thought of the scar that jolts him,
it’s the way Craig reacted; it seemed he wasn’t the only one that had feelings
for Matthew.
“Things like that are an unfortunate part of the life Matthew lead, not
everyone would care about him like you seem to.”
He hated saying the words, even if they were true.
“And sometimes he has such horrible dreams…yet he won’t talk to me or anyone
about them.”
Dominic suddenly realised he had an opportunity to get close to Mathew again;
after all, if Craig requested it, Matthew might not have a choice but to see
him again.
“Would you like me to try and talk to him. Sometimes it helps to talk to
someone who isn’t emotionally involved.”
Craig smiled then, “Would you, but I don’t think he would agree to see you on a
professional level.”
A thought and an idea struck him, “I have an idea…have a dinner party and
invite me, but don’t tell him I’m a guest.”
**********************
He let out a small whimper when he heard voices.
“The call definitely said they saw someone being dragged down here against
their will.”
He tried to push himself further into the small space he’d crawled into; he
didn’t want to be found. He let out a short cry when his back touched the wall.
He’d suffered pain before, beatings even, but this beating and sexual assault
had been nasty and unexpected.
“You hear that,” another voice said.
He bit the palm of the hand he’d covered his mouth with, as his back scraped
the wall again, but it was too late, as the cardboard boxes in front of him
shifted.
“Bloody hell, it’s just a kid…call an ambulance.”
He tried to back away again, but he had nowhere to go.
“It’s okay, you’re safe now. I’m PC Davies and this is WPC Morison.”
The male officer reached out to touch him and he tried to climb through the
wall to get away.
“Let me,” the WPC said. “You go wait for the ambulance.”
She crouched down and smiled, then said softly. “What’s your name love?”
Scared as he was, he had no reason not to trust a female.
“M-matthew,” he said.
“Okay, Matthew, how old are you?”
“F-fifteen.”
The WPC let out a sigh and spoke into her radio. “We’ll need social service
too.”
After he’d been seen at the hospital, he spent all of five hours in the foster
home they had placed him in; he wasn’t going to stay, he didn’t trust anything
connected with authority or the social services. He was back on the streets
before they probably realised he had climbed out of the bedroom window…his
place was here.
Matthew woke with a start…why had that particular memory surfaced? He could
only think of one reason why…. Dominic.
***** Chapter 4 *****
“Matthew?” he heard Craig say as he entered the bedroom. He didn’t answer,
because he didn’t want to answer the questions that he knew Craig was going to
ask.
“I know you’re awake,” Craig said.
He sighed, turned and sat up, “It’s late, Craig, and I don’t want to talk.”
“Too bad, we are going to talk. What did you leave?”
“Craig….”
“No, that was rude. Mister Howard was a guest.”
Matthew felt his temper flare, “Oh, am I supposed to be nice to every guest. If
I’d known that, I would have charged by the hour!”
Craig looked hurt and he knew he should feel guilty, but seeing Dominic had
rattled him.
“Matthew, you don’t mean that.”
“Don’t I.” He got up and strode towards the door. “I’m sleeping in one of the
spare rooms.”
“Matthew.”
“No, then in the morning I’m finding my own place.”
Craig was next to him in a moment.
“Matthew, don’t go. Please.”
Matthew wanted to just turn and walk out, but he didn’t. He wondered why as he
settled back into bed, engulfed in the warmth of Craig’s body. Was it because
he cared about Craig? Yes, that was it; it certainly wasn’t because he loved
him…never that.
But he knew he had to find his own place, he didn’t want any trouble turning up
on Craig’s doorstep, once he’d got his side of the escort business up and
running. He also hoped that he would never see Dominic again, it brought back
too many painful memories. The nightmare that had been the States…Jamie...the
abuse he himself had suffered, his abduction.
No, he didn’t want those memories to ever surface again. He pushed them back
down and eventually fell into sleep; he had a busy day tomorrow.
********************
“Matthew,” Sammy said, “Please, join me for breakfast.”
He waved at one of waiting staff, “Get anything that Matthew here wants.”
“Just coffee, black, no sugar.”
Sammy waved the person away after they had brought a cafetiere and said, “I’ve
put out a few feelers about your suggestion. Seems like your reputation
proceeds you. In fact, some of your old clients are asking if you’re
available.”
Matthew was about to reply when one of Sammy’s bodyguards approached and spoke
into his ear.
“Really, alright, show them in.”
“I’ll leave if you have other business.”
“No, stay. It seems our local Serious Crime Squad would like to see me.”
Matthew tensed, but then relaxed. No doubt they would recognise him; he had
been a guest of the Birmingham Constabulary on numerous occasions.
He watched unworried a three men approached and stopped by the table.
“How can I help Birmingham’s finest?” Sammy said.
The men held up their badges.
“I’m DC Hanson and this is DC’s Rowe and Kirk from the London Met.”
“A pleasure to meet you, and what brings you to our fair city?”
Matthew couldn’t help the flinch when DC Hanson said.
“Well, well, Matthew Jameson. Thought you’d pissed off to London to snare
bigger fish.”
“I did, but fat wallets tend to have tighter strings. Better pickings here.”
He didn’t like the way the other detectives were looking at him, especially DC
Rowe…had he recognised his voice from their brief telephone exchange?
“Detectives, as I have already asked, what can I do for you?” Sammy said,
noticing that one of the DC’s was staring intently at Matthew.
“Oh, right. DC Rowe and Kirk here are following some leads on a couple of
murders. I’m sure you’ve heard and read about the discovery of Jamie Andrews
body after twelve years.”
“Yes, an awful thing, and the other murder?”
“We’re looking for a male escort that the other victim was seen leaving with
before he disappeared and ended up in the Thames with a fatal knife wound. His
description seems to match a person that was seen near the site where we found
Jamie Andrews.”
“And you think he’s here?”
“Our source says this person may have moved here. If we leave the description
we have of him, do you think you might know someone who knows if he is here. We
only want to talk to him.”
Sammy sat back and looked at the piece of paper he’d been given.
“It’s not much to go on, but I will ask around. Now, if you don’t mind, myself
and Matthew were having a pleasant breakfast.”
Once they had left, Sammy tore the paper in half and looked at Matthew.
“This is you, isn’t it?”
Matthew must have shown some kind of fear, because Sammy said.
“I’m not going to tell. I’m guessing that poor Andrews boy was something from
your past, and I get the feeling that the other murder is linked to it. Did you
kill this man?”
Matthew started to shake his head, but Sammy said.
“Don’t lie, I know you too well. Whatever he did he must have deserved it.”
Matthew sighed…what the hell, if he told Sammy, at least he wouldn.t blab to
the police, and the whole story came out…well what he wanted to say.
Sammy said nothing, until he finished.
“The scumbag deserved it. Don’t worry, those coppers have got nothing, and
there are plenty of dark-haired, blue-eyed escorts.”
Matthew wasn’t sure, but he had to believe it; he really didn’t want to run
again.
*****************
“You know, I’m sure that escort’s voice sounded familiar,” DC Rowe said. “What
do you know about him?”
“Matthew Jameson, if that’s his real name. He was a street boy, clawed his way
to the top of the pile. He only works the high-class field now. You can look at
his record when we get back, he’s a real piece of work.”
“I think I will, I want to take a closer look at Matthew Jameson.”
***** Chapter 5 *****
Dominic still hadn’t heard from Craig and it had been over a month, and he was
beginning to think that perhaps he wouldn’t. And even if he did, who was to say
that Matthew would be there, and if he was, would he stay and want to talk to
him?
Matthew had sounded so angry during their short encounter. Was he still that
hurt over his rejection of him that night in his kitchen? He wanted…no needed
to explain that it wasn’t because he didn’t want him, it was because he knew
that Matthew was in a vulnerable state. But so much had happened since then,
Matthew may never believe him again.
It had hurt when Matthew had chosen to go with Craig, back to the life he’d
been leading since he was fifteen, well that was when he first turned up in the
police database.
Oh, he now knew all about his criminal past. It was handy having a friend that
used to work for the police. He didn’t have to know the details, the
convictions and numerous fines told him how hard his life had been. But it
didn’t tell him what kind of hell he had been through as James, those years
before he became Matthew, or why he changed his name and why he’d gone to
Birmingham. He could hazard a guess that it might have something to do with the
murder of that poor boy, but he didn’t know, he needed to know, the guilt of
that day still heavy in his heart and conscience.
He decided to take the initiative and called Craig, but he didn’t like the news
he got.
“Matthew moved out and I don’t know where he’s staying.”
****************************
Matthew let out a relieved sigh as he walked into his apartment. He had the
beginnings of a headache, possibly a migraine; who knew that choosing escorts
would be this hard. He let out another sigh, he just wanted to leave the day
behind…to sleep it away. But sleep was something he had started to loathe, but
he refused to take the sleeping pills; he wasn’t going to give into that
chemical siren’s call. He knew that for him one pill could lead to other things
when they stopped working, and that would take him back down a very dark path.
Twice he’d been in the embrace of Madame Heroin, and one of those he had almost
been lost to the eternal sleep she offered as love. So he busied himself until
fatigue made him finally stop and the inevitable happened.
************************
“You have to learn how to read their body language. Stick with me Mattie, I’ll
show you how to spot the bastards.”
He smiled at that, he found it funny that these hardened street walkers, male
and female seemed to have taken him under their wings. Then again, he was
barely sixteen, perhaps he was the little brother they never or might have had.
But he was grateful for them descending like a pack of angry wolves when
someone tried to pull him into a car, because he looked like easy prey.
That was the code of the street…. you don’t talk to coppers and you look out
for each other.
He was wishing they were here right now, as he was pushed roughly back on the
rear seat of the car. This was going wrong, very quickly; he’d made a mistake,
that or the john was very good at hiding what he really was. He tried to
resist, but the john was larger and stronger than him, and the punch to his
face finally ended it. He learnt a painful lesson from that, and the next time
someone tried , they got a blade through their hand, and a much tougher and
more streetwise Matthew emerged, and another piece of James died.
He woke with a start when his mobile beeped…he blinked several times. He hadn’t
had a flashback in six months, not until…. damn you Dominic Howard, it’s your
fault. He finally looked at the reason for his phone beeping, it was Craig,
once again asking to know where he lived and hoping that he was safe if he
didn’t want to tell him; he really should change his number.
He threw the offending phone onto the other end of the sofa and rubbed at tired
eyes. He really needed to sleep…maybe just one pill wouldn’t hurt.
******************
“Seems they were right,” DI Rowe said as he studied the file on the screen. “He
has been a busy boy.”
“How busy?” DI Kirk asked, before pushing his chair over to stare at the
screen. “First picked up at fifteen for soliciting, placed in a foster
family…only eight hours and stole the family silver before running
off…impressive. Theft, fraud, burglary…possession of more than one knife…two
stretches inside for assault and ABH, badass then.”
“Looks like it, seems he has some pretty powerful friends. Hmm, that’s odd,
there’s a tag on his file. Let’s look shall we.”
DI Rowe frowned, “Why would there be a twenty- year old MISPER on his file?”
“What’s the code, I’ll look it up,” DI Kirk said.
DI Rowe rattled off the number and a few minutes later DI Kirk said, “Look at
this.”
He swivelled the screen and DI Rowe read out loud, “Possible description match
for James Bellamy, abducted at eight…. awaiting DNA sample. Sample not taken,
released before taken.”
“Interesting, do you think our miscreant could be James Bellamy?”
“Dunno Tom, but I’m certain there’s something familiar about him. I think we
should go back to Birmingham, find Mister Jameson and have words.”
***** Chapter 6 *****
Dominic stepped off the train, and Christopher followed just behind him. They
were back in Birmingham to meet with Craig Sanderson’s property developers, as
work on the new hostel and centre had begun.
But he was also here to try and talk to Matthew, or at least see him, because
he doubted that Matthew would want to talk to him, but he had to try. He had
been worried ever since Craig had told him that he’d moved out, and never
answered his calls or texts, and eventually his number ceased to exist. But
Dominic had access to sources that Craig didn’t. It was the only time he would
ever use his criminal past; they would find him, and they had.
He knew that Christopher wasn’t happy, but had said he would not let him go
alone…the words ‘dead body and my’ were used. He was thankful for the meeting
and the tour of the site, as it took his mind off what was going to happen
later.
He had given up hope that Matthew would ever come back to London, and he could
understand that; after all he had killed one of his abusers and the law
wouldn’t care if it was justified. Then there was whatever his involvement had
been in the death of that poor boy. London held no good memories for Matthew.
If he couldn’t get Matthew to return, perhaps he could persuade him to a least
call his family and let them know that he was safe. That and he wanted to see
Matthew, wanted to know if there was anything left of the friend he had lost
twenty years ago; that James hadn’t been completely sub-summed by Matthew. He
was certain he’d seen a flash of it back in London…hell, even in LA in that
gut-tearing conversation in ICU, which had savagely yanked him back twenty
years.
“Dom…Dominic, you in there?”
He blinked and found Christopher standing in front of him, a hand being waved
in front of his face.
“Sorry, you were saying.”
Christopher frowned than let out a small sigh. “I was saying that you need to
catch Matthew outside the bar. It’s a private party and we won’t get in. That
and he’s less likely to kick off in public, there’s going to be a big police
presence, since it’s some celebrity holding the party.”
Dominic nodded, not that he was happy with doing it this way; he’d wanted to do
this quietly and less stress inducing. He looked at the bright lights and the
gathering crowd outside the bar, wasn’t this so not perfect…paparazzi
everywhere; how the hell were they going to get Matthew away from this?
He jumped when he thought he heard his name being called.
“Bloody hell, Dominic Howard!”
He turned at his name and he blinked, then, “Steven Simmons…Stevie,” he said,
but his next words were muffled by the man that was twice his size engulfing
him in a bear-hug.
“Christ Howard, you’re still as skinny.”
Dominic pulled out of the hug, whilst trying to look for Matthew, and hoping
that Christopher was keeping his eyes out for him.
“It’s been what, ten years. It’s good to see you in the flesh, I’ve been seeing
your ugly mug on TV enough. Love what you’re doing though. You going to this
thing?”
He shook his head.
“Well, you are now. Get some of these overpaid buggers to lighten their wallets
for your charity.”
“No, I…”
But when Steven Simmons said they were doing something, you tended to do it,
and he found himself being pulled towards the bar. He tried to look for
Christopher, and he saw him. Christopher gave him a ‘sorry’ look and stepped
back when asked by a bouncer.
“So, Dom, how have you been. The gang missed you when your family moved away.”
“I’ve been fine, I suppose. We only moved because of…well, you know.”
Steven lost his smile and placed a hand of Dominic’s shoulder, “Yeah, I
know…they never found him, did they? The bastard probably killed him and he’s
like that poor kid they found...bloody hell, I miss our little musical genius.”
Dominic couldn’t say anything, how could he? How could he tell Steven that the
reason he was here was the fact that their ‘little musical genius’ was alive,
but oh, so not well.
“I remember sticking those missing person posters on lampposts, and the police
coming to our school and searching it. Then they searched old Johnston’s place,
dunno why they thought he was the one that snatched him.”
Steven suddenly stopped, then suddenly called out to someone in the crowd.
“Mattie…over here, got someone I want you to meet!”
Dominic looked over and then paled…oh no, it was Matthew.
***** Chapter 7 *****
“Mattie, come and say hello to an old school friend. Mattie, this Dominic
Howard…well just Dom. Dom, this Matthew, he owns this place and has generously
let my client host his charity bash here. Let me buy you both a drink, add to
the donation pot.”
Dominic was expecting Matthew to refuse and excuse himself; but he didn’t. He
sat opposite him and watch Steven wade through the crowd. The silence was
uncomfortable, until Dominic decided to break it.
“So, you own this place?”
“I do…oh, did you think I would go straight back to escorting. I was getting
bored with that, what with being on top of the pile. So I thought I’d buy this
place, nice little legitimate business.”
Dominic was surprised that Matthew had that sort of money, and he also had the
suspicion that he was still involved in less ‘legitimate’ business. But he
wasn’t here to talk about Matthew’s business life.
“Your family is worried about you.”
Matthew didn’t answer that, but said instead.
“I see you’re opening one of your centres here. Lots of kids and sex workers
need help up here.”
Okay, so we’re playing the ‘ignore it and it’ll go away game’. Well, he wasn’t
going to play.
“You can at least call them. I can give you their number.”
Matthew stood, “Tell Steven thanks for the drink, but I have a club to run.”
He stepped back into the crowd…oh no, Dominic wasn’t having this; he wasn’t
going to let it lie, not this time. So he followed him into the crowd and a few
seconds later, through a door. A set of stairs meant that Matthew’s office must
be upstairs, but on the landing there were several doors. He could hear a voice
and one door was slightly open.
Angry blue eyes snapped in his direction when he stepped inside, and whatever
call he was making was forgotten.
“Can’t you just leave me alone?”
“No, your family are worried about you.”
Dominic saw a flash of anger in what had been cold eyes
“I haven’t had a family for twenty years, so that won’t work.”
“Matthew…”
“Do you know how many years I spent hoping they would find me?”
Dominic didn’t say anything, letting Matthew talk.
“Seven years…. seven years of looking out of a window, hoping to see a police
car. Seven years of nights crying when there wasn’t. Seven years of him telling
me that no-one was going to rescue me. In the end I just stopped hoping.”
There was no anger in Matthew’s words, only what sounded like profound loss.
“They never gave up hope, neither did I.”
Matthew’s eyes narrowed, “You mean the hope that you could get rid of your
guilt.”
Dominic couldn’t help reacting to the accusation he heard in those words.
“Of course I felt guilty. For twenty years I’ve cursed myself for not being
there. We would have buggered off to the field if I had. That bastard would
have never got near you.”
“Well you weren’t and we didn’t and he did,” Matthew snarled. “You should feel
guilty, you could have left fucking football, just for once. But no, it was
more important, wasn’t it?”
Dominic felt his anger rise, “I was eight, for fuck’s sake, just like you. You
don’t think about things like that!”
“Get out,” Matthew said.
“No, you can’t keep on like this. You can’t keep running from it, you have to
let go of what happened, or you’ll be stuck where you are forever.”
“I said, get out,” Matthew hissed.
Dominic shook his head and moved around the desk that was separating them.
“I can’t even begin to imagine what you went through, what you must have seen.
But I’ve talked to people who have suffered like you. They all wanted to ignore
it, shove it to one side, hoping that it never really happened. But that will
just eat away at you, until the ones that did those things to them, to you will
have won. But you, you survived, got away from them. I think that deep inside
you, there’s still a bit of James left, the James that wasn’t afraid to steal
apples and outrun that bloody set of teeth with fur….”
“Stop it and get out,” Matthew said. “Or do I have to call security to make you
go.”
“Okay, I’ll go. Here’s the address and room number of the hotel I’m staying at.
I’ll be here until Sunday, if you change your mind and want to talk.”
Matthew said nothing, so he left it then, knowing the possibility of Matthew
actually doing anything was…well impossible. He found Steven, who had been
looking for him and excused himself, saying that he had a meeting in the
morning, but he would call or text him if he gave him his number.
He said nothing to Chris and they drove in silence back to the hotel, the rain
that had been threating all day finally making good on its threat. He felt
slightly more relaxed after he’d showered and had several glasses of wine
inside him.
He was about to go to bed when there was a knock at the door…who the hell would
be at the door at this time? He opened the door and was about to unleash a
tirade of well- chosen words, but he didn’t; they got stuck in his throat.
Standing at the door was Matthew…a soaked to the skin Matthew.
“D-dominic…. I want to talk.”
***** Chapter 8 *****
Matthew hadn’t been happy when he’d seen Dominic; he couldn’t get away from
him. He’d intended to be distant and he had started out being that, but it had
quickly deteriorated and he ended up escaping to his office, or so he thought.
But of course, Dominic had to follow him, and harsh words were exchanged. He’d
been angry, but he wasn’t expecting the guilt he felt after Dominic had left.
He shouldn’t really care, but he did…god knows why. He’d tried to so hard to
forget the things that had happened in his childhood; those that were burnt
into his soul. But things that had happened since Dominic crashed back into his
life, those were fresh cuts.
Fuck, his life had gone into the weirdest and scariest roller-coaster ride.
He’d taken a life and had almost lost his life because of it and to it. He
should hate Dominic Howard, despise him with his whole being…but he found he
couldn’t.
That didn’t mean that he loved him either, but perhaps they could be friends
again. For that he would need to talk to him. He didn’t even know where Dominic
was staying, and it wasn’t like he could call up the Foundation and ask.
He guessed he would have to do it the illegal way, and twenty minutes later he
had the hotel and the room number where Dominic was staying. However, he sat
for another hour, frozen by indecision.
If he did this, it would mean that the pain of his past would once rush to the
fore; was he even ready for that? But, if he didn’t, the guilt he felt would
eat away at him for the rest of his life. He finally decided to move.
The hotel wasn’t really within walking distance, but it would give him time to
gather the courage to find the words. He stepped out of the club and into the
rain that had finally decided to drop. He could have called a taxi, but the
rain felt somewhat cathartic, washing away a layer of what he was not sure.
He ignored the looks he got from the receptionists, he’d grown Teflon skin a
long time ago. He finally reached the room, but he hesitated for a moment. He
shivered and it wasn’t just because he was wet through. He let out a huff of
air and knocked, and nearly walked away when he heard grumbling from inside.
Then Dominic was standing looking at him.
“Dominic, I want to talk?”
He stared at Dominic, waiting for a reaction, but when he didn’t see one, his
courage faltered.
“This was a mistake...I’ll go.”
He started to move away, but he was stopped by Dominic grabbing his arm.
“No, please don’t. You’re soaked. At least come in and get dry.”
He was still wavering, until Dominic said.
“Please.”
**************************
Dominic blinked in surprise, Matthew was standing at the door, soaked through
and shivering.
“This was a mistake…I’ll go,” Matthew said and started to turn away.
Without thinking, he reached out and grabbed an arm. “No, please don’t. You’re
soaked. At least come in and get dry.”
He could see the hesitation on Matthew’s face.
“Please.”
Matthew flashed a smile smile and took a small step inside, a step that might
change everything.
“You should get out of those clothes, you can borrow some of mine. Why don’t
you use the shower, there’s a spare robe in there you can use.”
Matthew gave him another small and short smile, and once he’d disappeared into
the bathroom, Dominic sorted through what clothes he had hoping to find
something that would fit.
Matthew reappeared ten minutes later and…. oh god, he was going straight to
hell, because a freshly showered Matthew was just a wondrous vision as the
soaked through Matthew had been.
He shoved the clothes at him, “I hope these fit.”
“Thanks,” Matthew said, disappearing back into the bathroom, giving Dominic a
reprieve and a chance to rein in those thoughts. When Matthew came back, he was
grateful for the shapeless sweat pants and the overly- large t-shirt.
He was about to speak, when Matthew said something that drove any thought of
speaking out of his head.
“It was so quick, I didn’t even get a chance to scream. The boot of his car was
dirty and it stank. I hurt myself on something and it made me cry. I know he
heard me, but he kept on driving. I don’t know how long for, and when we did
stop, I was too terrified to do anything. I told him I wanted to go home…he…he
just laughed and carried me upstairs….”
Matthew fell silent then and Dominic felt the wine he’d recently drunk try and
make its way back up…oh god, he’d raped him and right after he’d taken him. He
couldn’t find the words, so he let Matthew talk, despite the horrors it might
reveal.
“Every night for a week he ‘loved’ me as he put it. Said I would soon forget
about wanting to go home….”
Matthew stopped when there was a knock at the door.
“I ordered something hot from room service. Figured you might need warming up
inside as well,” Dominic said as he let the waiter in.
There was silence as he watched Matthew eat, and he took the chance to study
him again. He shook his head and wondered how he hadn’t recognised him in that
hotel lobby, those cheekbones hadn’t change, nor the shock of ebony hair. He
was sure he could see James in there, amidst the hardened man that was now in
front of him.
He decided that this time he wasn’t going to let Matthew slip away, no matter
what it took. So, he said and hoped he wasn’t making a mistake.
“Why don’t you come back to London with me?”
Matthew dropped his fork and he looked far too much like a deer that was about
to run.
“No.”
But Dominic wasn’t going to give up.
“You can stay at mine, your family don’t have to know you’re back.”
“No,” Matthew said again and stood, and began moving towards the door.
“Please, Matthew. I can help you better back in London.”
“No, this was a mistake. Thanks for the clothes and food… I’m going now.”
“Matthew…please stay.”
“No.”
He couldn’t help what he said next.
“James, please.”
Matthew’s eyes widened, then narrowed.
“I’m not James any more. James died twenty years ago, bye Dominic.”
Dominic didn’t stop him going, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to stop him. He
was about to reach for the bottle of wine, when he heard voices.
He quickly got up and opened the door and stepped out. He stopped when he saw
Matthew being handcuffed by a police officer.
“What the hell is going on?” he demanded.
Another man, obviously a detective stepped forward.
“Don’t worry, Mister Howard, the danger to yourself has gone now. The hotel
reported a man fitting the description of someone the Serious Crimes Division
in London want to question was in the building. Lucky we found him before he
got to you…. Matthew Jameson, I’m arresting in connection with the murder of
Jamie Andrews……”
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