Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/13709223.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Original_Work
  Relationship:
      OMC/OMC
  Character:
      Jesse, Shaun
  Additional Tags:
      Recreational_Drug_Use, Anal_Sex, Drama_&_Romance, Heavy_Angst, Cutting,
      Childhood_Trauma, Blow_Jobs, First_Love
  Stats:
      Published: 2018-02-17 Chapters: 14/? Words: 209096
****** Permanently Black and Blue ******
by mastershakeme_(grimspecter)
Summary
     Shaun's an outsider. The only thing he's got going for him is his
     guitar and a head full of lyrics. When Jesse moves to town, bringing
     big bright smiles and warm blue eyes into Shaun's dark life, he
     insists they become friends. That'll be a problem for Shaun though.
     He's never had a real friend before. Oh, and he's also finding
     himself hopelessly attracted to Jesse, which is definitely not going
     to work out. Being gay just isn't brutal and Shaun has an image to
     uphold if he's ever got a shot at becoming the death metal God he's
     destined to become.
Notes
     Hey... This is a completed story I used to have on Aff. I just
     thought I'd share since I've been so slow about posting as of late.
     If you've never read this story before, feel free to comment! Lol, I
     don't really deserve kudos for this, since I'm not actively working
     on it, but I'd love to edit it entirely one day and try to sell it.
     Shit, idk..........
***** Chapter 1 *****
Chapter One
For the first time ever, Jesse almost had a room to himself. The new house had
four rooms, and it was actually theirs so they could do whatever they wanted
with it.
The bunk beds had to stay though, and as usual, Jesse was stuck on the top
while Sam got the bottom.
Also, as usual, they'd been in their new room for less than 24 hours and it was
already trashed. Half emptied boxes, Jesse's clothes, Sam's comic books, fast
food wrappers and other miscellaneous items littered the floor.
Jesse hung over the edge of his bed so he could see the tiny screen on their TV
better. His younger brother, Sam, had convinced him to do 2 player on Call of
Duty, even though Jesse had wanted to finish unpacking his stuff. After an
awful lot of complaining on Sam's part about how completely 'bullshit' it was
internet wouldn't be installed for almost a month, Jesse agreed.
They'd been at it for a few hours, wasting away a perfectly good Friday evening
playing video games. It was starting to get late when they were interrupted by
a soft voice coming from the doorway.
"Jesse, I wanna come up." Brian whined, edging through the bedroom door.
"Get out of the way, Brian!" Sam's hands were occupied with the X-box
controller, so he nudged the 3-year-old out from in front of the TV with his
foot.
"Cut it out!" Brian whined. "Jesse!"
"You should be in bed." Jesse said distractedly. His eyes barely moved from the
screen.
"I can't sleep. Lissa won't stop crying." Brian picked his way through the mess
on the floor and started up the bunk bed ladder.
Jesse sighed, but he dropped his controller and crawled to the edge of the bed.
He caught Brian on the up first rung and lifted him the rest of the way.
"Oh man! I so got you." Sam laughed as he blew Jesse's character up on screen.
"Fuck you," Jesse cursed as Brian settled next to him on the bed. "I wasn't
paying attention." He grabbed the controller and respawned his character.
"Dude, Brian, go sleep with the twins. We're busy." Sam said bossily.
"No!"
"Leave us alone! Go back to your room."
Brian pouted and hunkered down on the bed. From the look on his face, he
wouldn't be leaving anytime soon and just as he'd mentioned, Jesse could hear
Melissa wailing in the room down the hall.
A few seconds later Monica, their mother, shuffled past the door, looking
bedraggled. Melissa quieted somewhat when she got to the baby room, but as soon
as she left, Lissa would probably start up again.
The toddler was quiet and Sam eventually gave up on kicking him out. Brian
watched them play Call of Duty for awhile, before his head started nodding.
Within an hour, he'd curled up on his side and had fallen fast asleep, his face
pressed into Jesse's shoulder.
Jesse was studying his round little face in the dim light from the television
when Sam cleared his throat.
"Are you nervous about school?" he asked suddenly.
"No." It was the truth. What was there to be nervous of? "We've been to a
million other schools. This one isn't any different."
"I guess." Sam said reluctantly. "But… I don't know. Those other schools were
different… Fuck!" Sam yelped when Jesse skillfully sniped his character as he
ran out into the open.
"Should've ducked." Jesse snickered.
As they waited for a new game to load, Sam returned to the topic of school.
"Like when we were living with Joey… that was only temporary."
"Mmm, another of Mom's boyfriends." Jesse agreed.
"Yeah." Sam snorted. "But there's no boyfriend here."
"That's a good thing, right?"
"I don't know. What if we hate it? We're stuck here." Sam said in a tone that
hinted at just how much this had been bothering him. "This is our home now."
Jesse hadn't really thought about it like that. He'd been moving around since
before he could remember, bouncing between Monica's friends, the relatives they
hadn't yet estranged, and her many, many boyfriends. But Monica's dad, their
grandfather, had died about six months ago and he'd leff his rundown house to
Monica with a bit of money to fix it up as well.
Monica had considered selling it at first, but after that last loud fight with
Joey, she'd decided to move them here instead… and from the way she talked
about it, they'd be staying for a while.
"It'll be fine." Jesse assured his little brother.
"But what if—"
"Dude!" Jesse shot Sam's character in the head as he ducked out from behind a
crumbling wall. "Are you going to play or what?"
It was a really lame attempt at distraction, but it worked. Sam kicked the
frame of the bed so the top bunk shook. "I'm gonna kill you, man," he said
loudly.
Next to Jesse, Brian stirred and moaned a little in his sleep. Jesse brushed a
hand through his soft blond hair and kept up the gentle motion as he waited for
the next game.
Slowly, Jesse soothed the little boy back to sleep.
The teenagers didn't go to sleep until 2 in the morning. They did a few more
rounds on the X-box before hitting the hay.
Jesse stretched out on the bed next to Brian and fell asleep after a few
minutes of listening to the little boy's soft breathing.
Unfortunately, Brian was up that morning at the crack of dawn.
He woke Jesse up by kicking him on his way out of bed. Then he started to
precariously lower himself down the ladder.
Jesse sat up groggily to make sure Brian made it down safely. The boy jumped
the last few rungs, but he hit the floor alright and slipped out of the room.
Jesse laid back and stared at the ceiling in Brian's absence. Sam's breathing
was still deep with sleep, but Jesse wasn't tired anymore. After a few minutes,
he ended up following Brian down into the kitchen.
"Mommy, I'm hungry." Brian was saying as Jesse came into the room.
The kitchen was full of boxes with cookware, dishes and other such items that
hadn't been unpacked yet. Monica had cleared them away from the stove and was
attempting to make pancakes. Melissa was on her hip, kicking her legs with
impatience and when she saw Jesse her face alighted with relief.
"Come take the baby," Monica said.
Melissa sniffled as she was passed to Jesse. She immediately buried her curly
red head against Jesse's chest, shoving her fingers into her mouth.
Jesse toted the baby to the table and sat across from Tyler and Allison.
"Morning guys."
The twins managed to tear themselves away from their handheld game things,
giving identical sunny smiles.
"Hey Jesse."
"Hi."
"What are you guys doing?" Jesse asked, more to keep them distracted than out
of actual curiosity. The twins loved to talk.
"We're playing games," Tyler said and Allison nodded in agreement.
Of course, as much as they liked games they felt completely different about
Brian. When the younger boy tried to worm his way between them to get a look at
their games, Allison whined and pushed him away. When Brian tried again, Tyler
hit him.
"Ow!" Brian whimpered.
"Jeez guys, is that really necessary?" Jesse gestured Brian over and picked him
up and sat him in his lap next to Lissa.
"You're such a whiny little baby." Tyler complained.
"Am not." Brian cried, hurt.
Luckily, Monica was nearly done with breakfast and she yelled up the stairs for
Sam. By the time Monica started serving the slightly burnt pancakes, Sam had
managed to drag himself into the kitchen.
"Too early…" He protested weakly. He robotically took Melissa from Jesse when
he got to the table and he put her in her high chair.
She started crying at all the mishandling. It was a common enough occurrence
though, that sound caused little reaction.
Brian got into his own chair between Jesse and Sam and Monica took the last
chair available at the head of the table, ignoring her own breakfast in favor
of spooning mush into Melissa's mouth.
"Jesse, I need you to watch the kids today, I have a lot of papers to sign at
the school."
Jesse sighed, but he nodded all the same. Being the oldest at 17 really sucked.
He babysat all the time, he didn't know why that'd be any different here, but
he'd hoped.
"I can take care of myself." Sam pouted, grudgingly helping Brian cut up his
pancakes.
"Me too." Allison said promptly, following whatever the older and wiser Sam had
to say. Tyler would have agreed as well, but his mouth was full of syrup and
practically glued shut with the sticky stuff. Jesse struggled not to laugh at
the sight.
"Me too!" Brian screeched happily.
Monica, Jesse and Sam cleaned up the younger kids after breakfast, getting
everyone dressed in the normal routine before Monica left to take care of
business.
Once Monica was gone, the twins started talking about going outside, so Jesse
ushered everyone out the back door so he could keep an eye on all his siblings
at once.
Sam was unhappy, but since there wasn't much to do by himself he followed
everyone else outside and didn't protest too much. He even brought out his
soccer ball and kicked it to Allison and Tyler.
When Brian started crying at being left out and nosing around the game, they
turned their impromptu soccer match into a more 'monkey-in-the-middle' type of
deal.
Jesse knew he should probably interrupt them, seeing as how upset Brian was
becoming, but he had his hands full with Lissa and didn't want to get up.
They were really in the middle of nowhere out here. There was nothing but woods
in one direction and fields in the other. There was a farm way off in the
distance, but besides that their only other neighbor was about a mile down the
road.
Jesse had seen the house briefly when they'd moved in a few days ago. It was
unremarkable, just a beat up looking rambler with ugly lawn decorations, but he
wondered if there if any kids his age lived there. Hoped was more like it, but
if he had a friend living just down the road, maybe being isolated all the way
out here in the boondocks would be a little more bearable.
He was already going a little crazy being stuck with his family for the last
few days. Even if he hated their new school, at least going to class would be
an opportunity to get out of the house and away from his little brothers and
sisters.
"Guys, cut it out." Jesse yelled once Sam's, Allison's, and Tyler's rough
housing had gotten out of hand and Brian began to cry in frustration. "Play
nice." Luckily, Jesse didn't have to go over and enforce the 'play nice' rule.
It only took a sharp look in Sam's direction for the younger boy to do it
instead.
Sam was 13, perfectly capable of looking after 2 five-year-olds or one 3 year-
old on his own, but when he had to look after all 3 at once, he sometimes lost
a few years of maturity. He just needed to be reminded he wasn't a baby
anymore.
Being mature was tough and incredibly boring after all. Sadly, Jesse knew a lot
about that.
When Monica came home later that night, she had good news. Well, maybe not good
news to any of the children, but news nonetheless.
"The school wants you all to start immediately." Monica said over dinner. It
was fast food again. She'd gotten back so late, she'd ended up bringing dinner
home with her. "And I went in to check on my transfer down at the hospital. I
start in a few days."
She was a registered nurse. She said it was her calling to help her 'fellow
man'. Of course, the fact that she picked-up more men there than anywhere else,
proved that she obviously took her job very seriously.
"Tomorrow I'll go have a look at daycare." Monica continued, ignoring Brian's
cry of distress.
"So when are we going to school?" Jesse asked.
"Bright and early Monday morning!"
Sam groaned in disappointment. "But that's the day after tomorrow!"
He and Monica argued for a bit, but Jesse didn't listen in. He was glad. Maybe
he wasn't thrilled about the homework and note taking and all that other fun
stuff, but it'd be nice to talk to someone his own age. Allison and Tyler
seemed to feel the same way and they started whispering together excitedly.
"It's so unfair." Sam grumbled later. "If Mom wouldn't have gone to the stupid
school we could have gotten another week off, I bet."
Jesse shuddered. "You're making too big of a deal out of it. It'll be fine."
"That's easy for you to say." Sam glared at him, startling Jesse with the pure
venom behind it.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You're always popular. No matter where we go," he said bitterly. "Nobody likes
me."
"That's not true." Jesse knew it wasn't. Sam had friends! He even kept in touch
with some of them online.
"I'm so ugly."
"Ooh," Jesse laughed. "Are you talking about girls?" he asked, smirking.
Sam blushed bright red. "No."
Jesse snorted.
No, Jesse didn't have a hard time with girls. He wouldn't say he was popular
with them or anything, but he wasn't afraid to talk to them. He'd dated lots of
different girls and while he didn't know what to say about the 'ugly' comment,
as he didn't think he was all that good looking himself. It had never held him
back.
Jesse was too short; he was only 5'4 and he had an annoying spray of freckles
across his cheeks. Besides that, though, he was pretty average looking. Thin,
with blue eyes and auburn hair. Sam looked a lot like he did, minus the blue
eyes, so he was a little insulted.
"You're not ugly." Jesse said for lack of anything else coming to mind.
Sam shrugged.
"Seriously…" Jesse ruffled his brother's hair. "Besides, girls don't really
care about that stuff. They like guys that make them laugh. Or guys that aren't
total jerks."
"Yeah, whatever." Sam batted Jesse's hand away. "I'm not even talking about
girls."
"Yeah, ok." Jesse rolled his eyes. "C'mon. We should at least try to clean this
place up before Mom sees it."
"Yeah."
***
The next day Monica enrolled Brian and Lissa in daycare, a place she calmly
assured Brian was very nice and full of fun toys and other kids to play with.
Brian really hated strange places and new people, go figure, so daycare was a
nightmare.
Monica needed to work though. She had some money saved on top of her
inheritance, but it wouldn't last long with herself and 6 kids to feed.
Sunday night was hectic for everyone.
Allison and Tyler didn't want to go to bed early, Brian was crying, Lissa was
crying, Sam was pouting and there wasn't much Monica and Jesse could do. Monica
eventually locked herself in the baby's room with Lissa, ignoring Allison and
Tyler who were bouncing off the walls in their own room. Jesse took the hint
and calmed Brian down, letting him sleep in his bed again. Sam didn't have much
to say, he was depressed about school, but he finally went in to yell at the
twins for making so much noise. They settled down, the occasional sound of
whispering and laughter gradually dying down.
Jesse fell asleep gratefully.
***
The hour before the bus was supposed to come was utter chaos.
It was an old routine for Jesse, but he found himself annoyed and wishing for
once he didn't have to take care of everyone else.
After prodding a sullen Sam awake, helping to feed his four younger siblings,
clean them and dress them, he managed to find a clean outfit to put on and
brushed his teeth.
45 minutes after waking up, he could hear the bus idling outside. He grabbed
Sam's arm and dragged him outside. He yelled goodbyes to Monica and the rest of
the brood as they left the house, but Sam was nothing but glares all the way.
The elementary bus would come for the twins in another hour and Monica would
take Brian and Melissa to daycare sometime after that.
At least she was in a good mood this morning. She sang some cheesy country song
as she packed the twin's backpacks by the door. She waved distractedly as Sam
and Jesse rushed out to catch the bus.
Jesse was a little disappointed when he got on and saw it was completely empty.
Well, except for the bus driver that was. He smiled at the balding older man.
"Good morning," Jesse said pleasantly, pushing his brother on ahead of him.
The bus driver nodded in greeting. He eyed the two brothers with interest.
Jesse went further onto the bus. He found a seat right in the middle, irritated
when Sam sat right beside him… he didn't say anything though.
The bus ambled down the road a bit, Jesse looking around excitedly. He spotted
the neighbor's house and his spirits lifted when he saw there was another boy
waiting out in front of the run down little rambler.
Jesse waited impatiently while the driver slowed to a halt and the boy walked
around the front of the bus, disappearing for a minute before he reappeared. He
pushed his way moodily past the half opened doors and stormed all the way to
the back of the bus, not even pausing to look at the newcomers as he passed
them.
The bus started to move again as the boy threw his backpack violently into his
seat and slumped down beside it. Jesse could barely contain himself and even
though he had a feeling that the boy wouldn't welcome company, he climbed over
his brother and hurried to the back. He sat in front of the other boy, turned
around and smiled brightly.
"Hi."
The boy stared listlessly out the window, but as Jesse spoke he leveled a
spectacular glare his way. Jesse's smile faltered, but he didn't back down.
The boy meanly twisted his wide lips. "Who are you?"
"I'm Jesse. I'm new," Jesse said quickly and the boy grunted and his face got
even more hostile with Jesse's reply. "We live just down the road. I guess that
makes us neighbors."
"So what?" The boy asked meanly.
Jesse bit his lip. The boy was maybe his age, possibly in the same grade as
well. He had frizzy brown hair and squinty black eyes. His bushy eyebrows
furrowed and his lips curled into a snarl the longer Jesse stared at him. He
was also trying not to notice how unpleasantly the other boy smelled. It was a
pungent mixture of sweat and old stale, cigarettes.
"What's your name?" Jesse asked cautiously.
"Why do you care?"
"I'm just trying to be nice," Jesse said quietly, receiving a scowl for his
trouble.
He and the other boy stared at each other, the boy's squinty eyes narrowing
further as he wordlessly refused to 'be nice' and play along.  
"Um… I'm sorry, I'll leave you alone now…" Jesse said, feeling extremely
awkward. He started to get up.
"Shaun."
Jesse almost didn't hear the other boy speak, he turned back when the boy
introduced himself though, a sudden smile alighting his face. The boy, Shaun,
looked away quickly, trying to hide his momentary flash of interest if it could
be called that.
Either way, Jesse sat back down.
"So, what grade are you in?"
"11th." Shaun said gruffly, looking out the window.
"That's so cool!" Jesse said with a grin. "So am I."
Shaun grunted.
"I wonder if we have any classes together." Jesse hadn't received his schedule
yet and he was curious.
"Probably will. There aren't many kids in our grade."
"Oh." The redhead's eyes widened. "How many are there?"
Shaun shrugged, looking irritated. "I don't know. Around 30."
"That's all?" Jesse's last school had had 30 people in every class. There'd
been over 2000 kids in the high school alone!
The bus lurched to a stop and two girls got on. They looked like middle
schoolers and they headed straight for Sam. Jesse's little brother sent him a
panicked look and Jesse waved back.
"Who's that?"
"My little brother." Jesse answered automatically, a little surprised to hear
Shaun asking a question. He didn't seem very interested in conversation after
all. In fact, after Jesse had answered, Shaun pulled a battered looking CD
player out of his backpack and draped earphones around his neck.
"What're you listening to?" Jesse asked, hoping to stall the other boy. He
didn't really want to have to sit in silence.
"Slayer." Shaun said.
"That's cool. I've heard some of their stuff." Jesse said conversationally.
Shaun looked surprised. "Really?"
"Yeah." Jesse shrugged, missing the look of incredulity Shaun shot in his
direction. "I like all kinds of music."
Shaun frowned. "I like metal," he said in a vaguely dangerous tone. "I'm in a
band. A metal band."
"Ah, cool! What do you play?" Jesse asked excitedly.
"I play the guitar," Shaun said, still staring out the window. He fiddled with
his CD player. "You probably wouldn't like us though. We're pretty hard core."
"You don't know what I like, dude." Jesse said with a laugh, refusing to be
turned off by the other boy's rude behavior. "You should let me know when
you're playing next. I didn't think there'd be any metal bands out here," Jesse
said, gesturing out the window at the miles and miles of fields and little
else.
"Yeah," Shaun said darkly. "People around here don't appreciate good music.
It's all country trash or worse yet, fucking rap bullshit."
Jesse laughed again. He liked both country and rap.
The bus stopped again. Jesse glanced towards the front, noticing absently the
two girls ganging up on his brother who looked incredibly uncomfortable.
The doors opened and a few more people got on this time. Three girls and two
more boys. They all seemed to be older, most likely high school, at least. One
of the boys, tall and athletic looking, smiled as soon as he saw Jesse. He
headed to the back of the bus, his companions in tow.
"Well, how do you like that!" The new boy said, sitting across the aisle from
Jesse. "I was just telling my friends I heard there was a new kid in town and
there you are!"
Jesse didn't really know what to say, so he simply smiled. Two of the girls sat
in front of Jesse and they turned around and smiled in a friendly manner. One
was blonde and the other had long shiny black hair. They were both pretty.
The other girl who'd gotten on was shocking pregnant. It wasn't so much that
she was pregnant that was shocking, but he'd never seen such a small girl with
such a huge belly! It looked ridiculous on her. The other boy, the one who
hadn't spoken, sat beside the pregnant girl and took her hand possessively.
"I'm Emily," the girl with black hair said. Jesse noticed she had a really
pretty smile. "And that's my dumb brother, Kenny," she continued, pointing to
the alethic boy who'd sat across from him. "Don't mind him. He's a good guy at
heart."
Kenny stuck his tongue out at his sister and Jesse laughed.
Jesse turned back towards Shaun, wanting to share his amusement with his new
friend, but the sullen boy was staring intensely out the bus window. He looked
deeply upset.
The redhead's eyes widened. He was taken aback by the hostility rolling off the
other boy in tsunami sized waves.
But nobody else seemed to notice.
"I'm Sunny," the blonde said cheerfully, drawing Jesse's attention back to the
new arrivals.
"And that's Lee and Rick." Kenny introduced the pregnant girl and her
boyfriend. Lee smiled but her boyfriend was eyeing Jesse with suspicion.
"Howdy," Lee said. "This is little Ashley." The small girl patted her stomach.
"I ain't got around to gettin that ultrasound, but I know it's a girl," she
said proudly. "I'm fixin to name her Ashley. After my Mom."
"Oh." Jesse scratched the back of his neck. He was having a hard time
conversing with the new group when he could feel Shaun's stare boring into him.
He could see the other boy glaring at him from the corner of his eye, but when
he tried to look Shaun in the face, he switched to staring out the window.
Jesse wondered what he'd done wrong. "Ashley's a pretty name," he finally
managed to say.
"Thanks!" Lee said happily.
"So…Where are you from?" Kenny asked.
"My family moves around a lot, so I wouldn't say we're 'from' anywhere." Jesse
said easily. He'd memorized a lot of typical responses to typical questions he
got over the years. "We just moved from Detroit though."
"What grade are you in?"
"11th." Jesse got a smile at his answer from both Kenny and Emily. It seemed
they at least were in the same grade.
"Do you like it here so far?"
Jesse shrugged. "I've only been here a few days and I haven't gotten out much
yet."
The questions continued with Jesse supplying information on the places he'd
lived previously and the old schools he'd been to.
After a round of questions about school, Emily and Sunny asked if he had a
girlfriend.
"Nope. Not anymore," Jesse said, unable to admit he was single without
blushing, just a little bit.
Emily and Sunny giggled, but it was Emily who gave him another look. She
fluttered her eyelashes at Jesse and smiled a whole lot.
They were all nice and extremely friendly, even Rick managed to warm up a
little bit, asking Jesse if he played sports.
"Sure. I'm pretty good at baseball and basketball, but I'm shit at football."
He'd received an approving nod from Rick and Kenny.
But no matter how friendly they were, the entire conversation was spent
ignoring Shaun's presence.
Jesse didn't think he'd ever been in a more uncomfortable position in his
entire life. His new friends treated Shaun like he didn't exist.
If Jesse hadn't been able to smell his slightly rank scent, see his frizzy hair
from the corner of his eye, and hear the tinny sound of Slayer coming from his
earphones, he would have had to conclude that Shaun was just a figment of his
imagination.
When they finally got to the school, Shaun got up the second the bus stopped
and made his escape. He shoved roughly into Kenny and pushed past Lee who was
trying to maneuver her large belly out of her seat.
"Jerk." Kenny muttered under his breath, acknowledging Shaun's presence for the
first time. They all watched Shaun force his way off the bus, shoving a few
more passengers who had the gall to get in his way.
"Is he… always like that?" Jesse asked, curious. Shaun had continued to stare
death at the back of his head the entire ride. Jesse wasn't stupid. He'd gotten
that Shaun was kind of a quiet person from their earlier conversation, but he
hadn't gotten the feeling that the other boy had hated him. Yet that stare of
his had been nothing but hate personified…
"Don't worry about him," Emily said quickly before anyone else could respond.
"I mean, it's best if you don't bother him."
What kind of advice was that?
"I already 'bothered' him. We talked. He wasn't so bad…" Jesse said and he got
up to follow his new friends off the bus. As he got off, he paused to hit his
little brother on the back of the head. The middle school was next door and the
bus was heading there straight after this.
Sam slapped his hand away. "Screw you, Jesse!" he scowled, sending the two
girls into giggles.
Jesse smiled. He always felt better when he got to be a mean big brother.
"Shaun's really strange. Sometimes… most of the time, he's ok," Sunny continued
as they lined up outside the high school. "He's just really quiet and creepy."
"Yeah, but if you say the wrong thing, he'll go crazy on ya." Lee chimed in.
"He beat up my cousin a few years back. And my cousin's huge!"
"Oh, I remember that." Kenny frowned. "Didn't Shaun have a knife on him?"
"Oh my goodness, yes!" Lee cried, rubbing her stomach uncomfortably. "He was
about to gut poor Georgie when the teachers finally broke up the fight."
"He's a freak!" Rick said angrily.
Jesse was surprised by his friends' negativity. He almost expected someone to
refute Rick's claim, to shake their heads and cry bullshit, but no one did.
"Stay away from him if you can," Kenny said.
"And if you can't, then just ignore him. It's what we do," Emily said with a
nod.
Jesse didn't know what to think.
Sure, that stare Shaun had leveled at him had been strangely malevolent, but
maybe Shaun had had a reason. Obviously these kids didn't like him much. They
said mean things behind his back, they purposefully excluded him, they were
telling scary – obviously exaggerated – stories about him, essentially
spreading rumors.
Jesse didn't know enough to pass any sort of judgment on anyone. His new
friends seemed nice in every other way, so he decided to give them the benefit
of the doubt. He assumed the only reason they were being mean was because they
honestly didn't know any better.
Jesse decided he wasn't going to ignore Shaun, though. The other boy wasn't
exactly pleasant, but that didn't bother Jesse. There'd been something about
him that he liked, oddly enough.
So, Jesse firmed his resolve and didn't promise anything to his new friends and
they decided to take his silence for agreement, and everyone let it go.
They next led Jesse inside the smallest high school he'd ever had the dubious
pleasure of entering.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Two
Shaun hit a freshman with his book bag on his way to the lockers. The scrawny
kid fell into his friend with an undignified squawk.
It almost made Shaun feel better, almost.
"Stupid kid…" he muttered to himself as he reached his locker. He tried to tell
himself he was talking about the stupid freshman and what a goddamn brat he was
for getting in his way, but he wasn't.
He was talking about that fucking new kid, Jesse, or whatever his name was. He
was the one that was stupid…
He'd started off all friendly and chatty, trying to make friends with Shaun and
everything, but the second someone else paid him a little attention, he
completely ignored Shaun!
It was always the fucking same. People were always doing that. They either
ignored him or made fun of him.
It used to hurt his feelings, not that Shaun would ever admit that. But now it
just pissed him off.
Bastards… he thought to himself. Maybe I should just kill myself! Maybe that'd
make them sorry…
He wasn't going to kill himself though. Deep down he knew that that's what
those assholes wanted. For him to be dead. So he'd stick around, fucking with
them, making them uncomfortable… it was the next best thing really.
Shaun gathered his books for the first half of the day, not that he'd be
looking at them, and slammed his locker shut with a resounding bang. He stalked
off down the hall, growling at everything and everyone.
Some jock knocked into his shoulder. "Watch it freak," he sneered.
"Fuck off." Shaun flipped him off as he passed and was pleased when the jock
didn't come after him. In Shaun's mind, it meant the dumb meat-headed jock was
too fucking afraid to do anything. He'd fought the jocks before. He'd fought
them a lot over the years, actually.
Sometimes he lost and sometimes he won, but he always made sure his hits and
kicks and bites were felt long after the fight was over. In Shaun's book, if
some fucking asshole could still feel your punches a week after the fight was
over, it was just as good as a victory.
First period English was Shaun's least favorite class. And that was saying
something, as every class Shaun had, he despised.
His teacher, Miss Stevens, was always trying to get them to put more emotion
into their writing. More feeling.
Shaun had seriously considered slitting his wrists and bleeding all over a
piece of paper for the stupid bitch. Here you go, he'd say, this emotional
enough for you?
Emotions were fucking stupid and gay. New kids trying to be friendly were
stupid and gay as well. Little jerk… Shaun thought angrily, thinking of Jesse
yet again.
Miss Stevens started class before the late bell even rang, obviously excited to
start the day. Shaun took his customary seat in the back. He expertly stacked
his books up around the edges of his desk. It was his little privacy wall.
They were reading poetry again. Some fucked up faggy shit from the 1800s. Even
a straight guy writing about a chick came off sounding incredibly gay when it
was written in poetry.
"Shaun? Would you like to read the poem for the class?"
Miss Stevens was this gorgeous woman, young, blond and straight out of college.
Shaun thought she was was pleasant to look at, but since the start of the year,
the bitch had gotten it into her head that Shaun needed to be more active in
class and had started forcing him to participate. On Shaun's last writing
assignment, Miss Stevens had wrote that she thought Shaun was a great writer
but she knew he could do even better.
Apparently humiliating him and forcing him to read a gay fucking poem was her
great idea to make him a better writer…
"No." Shaun said blankly. The entire class turned around to stare at him. He
could see that fucker, Kenny, the jerk that had been so fucking friendly on the
bus with Jesse, looking at him. The jerk smirked across the room at him with
vicious glee.
"I'd really appreciate it, Shaun." Miss Stevens said, politely, but firmly,
drawing Shaun's attention back to the front of the room.
Obviously, there was no way out…
Clenching his hands into fists, Shaun forced himself to begin reading:
"She walks in Beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which Heaven to gaudy day denies…"
Eric, some fucking jock Shaun had gotten beat up by before, snorted from the
other side of the room. Shaun ignored him and forced himself through the rest
of the fucked up poem.
After he'd finished, Miss Stevens smiled at him, clearly pleased, before she
started lecturing about the pattern of the rhyme scheme and such and such.
Behind Shaun's barrier of books, he pulled a pen out of his pocket. He'd
sharpened the plastic end with his bowie knife one night when he'd been sitting
at home, alone.
With a steady hand, he jammed the end of his pen into his arm and dragged it
across the scarred flesh of his inner arm. It didn't break the skin, but it
hurt. Sometimes Shaun just liked feeling hurt.
Miss Stevens called on someone else to read the next literary example and Shaun
relaxed a little bit, dropping the pen back to the desktop. He had a long red
furrow on his arm now, amongst other, older self-inflicted scars.
He slowly traced the red line with his finger, digging the nail into the red,
irritated mark when he couldn't stand the anticipation any longer.
He soon he grew tired of his self-torture though and he put his head down on
the desk. He ignored the rest of the lecture and attempted to take a nap until
class was over.
Shaun woke just as the bell rang. He got up, gathered his things together in a
daze as started to leave, when Miss Stevens came out of nowhere and touched his
shoulder.
Shaun did not like to be touched. He whirled around and faced his teacher with
anger in his eyes.
"What?" he snapped.
Miss Stevens crossed her arms and silently waited for the room to empty before
she answered Shaun's rude question.
"If you weren't such a great writer, Shaun, I'd give you a detention," she said
finally, though she seemed more amused at this point than anything.
"Well, go ahead and give me one," Shaun said bitterly. It wasn't like it really
mattered anyway.
"Shaun…" Miss Stevens sighed, looking like she wanted to say something
important. She opened her mouth, her eyes gleaming intently, but then she
deflated and shook her head. "Never mind."
Shaun glowered. "Yeah. Never mind," he muttered under his breath, turning to
grab the last of his things. He headed to the door as soon as he had
everything.
"Don't forget about that poem at the end of the month." Miss Stevens called
after his retreating back. "It's worth a lot of points and I have high
expectations for you." She sounded like she was really getting a kick out of
whatever it was she thought she was doing. Shaun hated teachers who tried to be
nice all the time. He'd much rather they be honest and hate him like everyone
else did.
"Whatever," he grunted before he went out into the hall, making his way to
science class.
He came into the science room a little later than usual. Nearly everyone was in
their assigned seats, chatting with their neighbors. The tables only sat 2
people each, so the science teacher, Mr. Barnes, had placed everyone with their
lab partners. There was an odd number of students in class and not
surprisingly, it had been Shaun that had ended up being the only one without a
partner and thus the only person that got a table to himself. He liked it that
way and didn't mind doing the lab work by himself. He was shit at science, but
he didn't really care about school anyway.
Except today, there was someone already sitting at his seat… a very familiar
someone.
"Hi." Jesse said excitedly, grinning as Shaun sat beside him. "I guess we're
lab partners now."
Shaun was stunned and without even thinking about it, he resorted to his usual
forms of interaction. He scowled at the new boy and slumped further into his
chair.
"Hey…"
Jesse was peering at Shaun with a highly irritating level of interest. Shaun
folded his arms tightly across his chest and stared hard at the desk top.
"What?"
"You never finished telling me about your band."
Vaguely impressed that Jesse was talking to him after he'd found other friends
on the bus, and that he still remembered their interrupted conversation, Shaun
turned to stare at the other boy again.
Shaun was embarrassed to admit it, but… Jesse was cute.
Shaun wasn't gay or anything, it was nothing like that. It was just hard not to
notice. The little redhead had a really nice smile and there was something
incredibly…sweet about the way he persistently keep trying to chat Shaun up.
The messy auburn hair and freckles were nice as well, though Shaun, being
completely straight and all, didn't give a shit.
"Yeah, so what?" Shaun said briskly, halfheartedly hoping to discourage Jesse
from further conversation.
The last thing he needed was some pretty-boy trying to be his friend.
"C'mon dude, don't be modest." Jesse playfully elbowed Shaun in the arm,
leaning over much farther into Shaun's personal space than was necessary. "It's
boring as fuck out here. If you don't tell me where you guys are playing, I'm
just gonna start stalking you."
Shaun pulled away from Jesse quickly, horrified. He glared hard at the redhead
for a moment, trying to figure out if he was serious or not. Of course, when
Jesse started laughing Shaun figured he was just joking around. Oddly, he was
tad disappointed.
Before either boy could say anything else, class started and Mr. Barnes started
describing the lab they'd be doing at the end of the week. Some stupid
experiment where they'd be studying alkali metal reactions with water.
Most people were taking notes and Jesse looked around for a minute before
following their example. Shaun didn't bother.
He suddenly wanted to hurt himself again…
He ended up watching Jesse write in his notebook. The redhead wrote with his
face like a foot from the page and he hunched over the desk, wrinkling his nose
as he thought. Shaun hated him for being so endearing…
Instead of carving up his arms like he wanted, Shaun resorted to drawing idle
shapes on the front of his notebook. He got absorbed in the stupid doodles
after a minute of concentration, so, when Jesse's pale hand shoved a piece of
paper at him, he was a little startled.
He glanced over the redhead, scowling automatically at the other boy’s cheerful
expression. Jesse didn't react one way or the other to the dirty look. He just
went back to writing.
Shaun glanced at the note.
'Gimme your number so we can text'
Shaun rolled his eyes and quickly wrote a reply. His writing was much messier
than Jesse's. A childish sort of scrawl.
'I don't have a phone.'
Jesse stared at the piece of paper for a minute, startled. But after a minute,
he quickly wrote back.
'That's kind of weird.'
'Whatever.'  Shaun wrote sullenly. He'd always thought passing notes was
stupid. Not that anyone had ever passed him notes before…
Jesse didn't seem to think so though, as he rolled his eyes and then changed
the subject.
Like there was more to talk about!!!  Shaun thought exasperatedly.
'Do you understand any of this stuff? I suck at science.' Underneath the
message, Jesse drew a stick figure being blown up by a beaker full of
chemicals.
Shaun couldn't help himself. He snorted.
'Nope,' he wrote and after a moment of consideration, he added a drawing of his
own. He drew a crude stick figure battling a fire monster from a Bunsen burner.
 
Jesse smiled and wrote. 'Guess I'm fucked then.'
Shaun didn't respond. He continued with his stick figure death and destruction
on the scrap of paper.
Jesse leaned over him and Shaun tensed a little. He waited though, wondering
what the little redhead was going to do.
Jesse used his pen to make Shaun's fire monster throw little fizzing beakers
full of deadly chemicals. Shaun vindictively added some dead classmates being
burned by the acid.
'I hope we don't end up like that.' Jesse wrote, drawing an arrow to the
burning stick figure wearing a Leatherman.
'Didn't you hear Mr. Barnes? Chemistry is dangerous.' Shaun wrote
sarcastically. He was gratified when Jesse's smiled widely and he drew a smiley
face next to his note. Shaun gave the smiley face evil-looking horns and
vampire fangs. Jesse gave the smiley face a hand waving the peace sign. Shaun
blacked-out one of the fingers so it was giving them the finger.
Jesse laughed. He put his hand over his mouth so he didn't make a sound and
glanced across the desk at Shaun, his blue eyes shining with amusement. Shaun
frowned and looked determinedly away from those distracting eyes. It wasn't
fair Jesse's eyes were so pretty…
Class was over soon and Shaun immediately snatched up the paper they had been
writing on, folding it quickly and putting it in his bag for safekeeping.
Jesse didn't seem to mind and he gathered his own things distractedly.
"What's your next class?"
"History." Shaun grunted. He hated history. Almost as much as he hated English
and Science.
"Oh! Me too," Jesse said. "Want to show me where it is?"
Shaun felt like he didn't have a choice. He was sure Jesse would easily follow
him even if he said no. Not that he had a burning desire to refuse.
"I ah… sure." Shaun shouldered his bag and gestured for Jesse to follow him.
The redhead did so without the slightest bit of hesitance. He chatted happily
about something nonsensical and walked close to Shaun in the halls.
Shaun was still a little shell shocked about the whole thing and he didn't hear
much of what the other boy had to say.
He kept waiting for Jesse to abandon him, but it seemed he refused to. It
wasn't like Shaun had nobody to talk to. He was in a band after all. He had
band mates who respected him, even if they didn't necessarily like him. He was
just too weird, too sullen and ill tempered, and too ugly to have actual
friends. Most people weren't interested in working past his rough exterior to
get to know the real person inside… and Shaun was wondering if that was Jesse's
intention.
Whatever his intentions were, he and Shaun were separated in their next class
together. The history teacher had strict seating arrangements and Shaun had
been stuck in the front row since the first day of class. He was irritated when
Jesse was shepherded into the last row, right next to that goodie-two-shoes
bitch, Emily Taylor.
"I'll see you after class," Jesse said casually, not even waiting for a reply
before he headed towards the back and took his seat next to Emily. He
immediately started chatting her up like he hadn't just been trying to make
nice with Shaun.
The sullen boy once again felt a horrible wave of jealousy as he watched the
ease with which Emily and Jesse conversed. He rarely felt jealous. He didn't
have anyone to feel jealous over and he resented Jesse for being so fucking
charming. He was tempting… and it was like cruel and unusual punishment for
something Shaun hadn't even done!
The rest of the day was more of what Shaun had originally been expecting. After
class, Jesse left the history classroom without speaking to Shaun. He followed
after Emily like an eager puppy.
Jesse sent Shaun a smile as he and his new girlfriend left the room, though
Shaun didn't think much of it.
There was another class before lunch and Jesse wasn't in it. Shaun refused to
disappointed.
During lunch, Shaun took his usual table near the back of the room and he began
to eat his packed lunch with disdain. Jesse was in the same lunch as him, of
course. He was across the room, being mobbed by nearly the entirety of the 11th
grade.
Jesse looked extremely happy as he talked and joked around with Kenny and
Kenny's jerk of a best friend, Jordan. He was conversing to the other jocks
too, probably talking about sports or some shit. The two most popular girls in
school, Sara and Alicia, were watching Jesse and giggling like idiots. Emily,
who sat at Jesse's side, kept giving the two girls territorial looks.
Jesse said he was single? Well, by Shaun's estimation, he wouldn't be for long.
Shaun saw Jesse only one more time that day. After lunch, half the 11th graders
had gym, so it wasn't surprising that Jesse had been assigned to his class.
Shaun was already in the locker room when Jesse came in. Kenny and Eric, one of
the jocks from lunch, came in talking about football. Jesse was happily
recalling some game he'd played back at his old school, throwing his arms up in
the air as he made an impossible catch with an invisible ball. He didn't look
Shaun's way.
Feeling rejected and angry that he was feeling rejected, Shaun quickly changed
into his gym clothes before storming back out into the gym.
They were playing kickball outside in the field. Shaun was reluctantly grateful
that he wasn't put on the same team as Jesse, he honestly didn't think he could
have played nice if he had had to be teammates with that jerk. And he was a
fucking jerk. The entire game Shaun could feel Jesse's eyes on him. It pissed
Shaun off. Why couldn't the redhead make up his mind already? Why did he bother
staring at Shaun if he was happy being with his new bullshit friends? Why
couldn't he just leave well enough alone? Either way, Shaun made himself play
harder than he normally would, especially just for a fucking gym kickball game.
When he was up at the pitch and he had the attention of the entire class, he
refused to think he was showing off or anything, but when Eric, the pitcher,
sent the ball his way, Shaun kicked it as hard as he possibly could right back
in the jock's face.
It was only after Eric yelled out in pain, staggering as he threw a hand over
his bleeding nose, that Shaun looked Jesse's way, acknowledging him for the
first time since history.
Honestly, Shaun didn't know what he'd looked like when he'd met the redhead's
eyes, but from the other boy's reaction, he must have looked terrifying.
Shaun had to sit out the game after that, but he had math by himself after gym,
just the way he liked it and then study hall. Shaun never stuck around for
study hall however, choosing to walk home. It wasn't strictly allowed, but
nobody really gave a crap either. So after a boring lesson in math which he'd
mostly ignored, Shaun started walking home for the day.
He listened to his CD player on the walk and compiled the day's many injustices
in his head. By the time he got home, only a few minutes before the bus would
be driving past, he'd decided he'd need a make a new cut on his arm. The last
one he'd made had just scabbed over anyway and digging at a scab wasn't nearly
as satisfying as an open wound.
Ruth, Shaun's grandma, was in the kitchen when the gloomy teenager came in.
"Shaun?" Ruth called, her voice shrill and irritating as usual.
Shaun didn't bother to answer. The screen door slammed shut behind him and he
stood angry and uncomfortable on the threshold.
"What are you doing home early?" Ruth asked, narrowing her squinty eyes at her
grandson. She and Shaun looked a lot alike. They both had the same frizzy hair,
though lately Ruth's was more gray than brown. They had the same scowl and the
same narrow, unpleasant eyes. Ruth did have about 50 pounds on Shaun, and she
had a hard time moving around the tiny cluttered house. She was wearing a faded
housedress and slippers today.
"I'm home on time." Shaun answered irritably. He usually waited until the bus
passed the house so it seemed as if he had been on it. Ruth was annoying enough
to actually care if Shaun skipped study hall. To distract her, he stepped
around her and grabbed a few slices of onions Ruth was chopping for dinner.
Ruth slapped at Shaun's hand, ironically complaining that he ate too much.
Shaun went into the other room, turning the TV on as loud as it would go while
he munched on his onion slices and waited for the bus to go by outside.
It took a few minutes, but he eventually saw it passing the front window. Ruth
didn't hear it over the sound of the TV.
Thinking himself rather clever, Shaun waited another minute, watching the lame
western movie that was on, before he turned it off and yelled to his grandma
that he was going to do homework in his room. He warned her not to bother him
before he ventured down the hall and to his bedroom.
Shaun's room was a mess. It smelled musty, a mix of sweat, dried jizz and pot.
It didn't bother Shaun though, he barely even noticed it. He threw his school
shit down and picked his way over a pile of accumulated clothes, some dirty and
some clean – not that Shaun could tell them apart – and fucked around with his
stereo system. He smiled grimly when Iron Maiden came on.
As the music filled his head, Shaun sat down on the edge of his bed. He pulled
open his bedside table drawer and pulled out his bowie knife.
It had been his father's hunting knife. Shaun had had it since he was 6 years
old. It wasn't flashy or anything; it had a worn black grip and a curved knife
edge, but Shaun had sharpened the hell out and that's all that really mattered
to him anyway.
Shaun didn't cry or think about how horrified his stupid classmates would be if
they saw him as he was right then. Emotionally, he didn't even feel much as he
pressed the blade into the skin at the crook of his arm. It hurt, of course. He
cut deep, too, forcing the tip of the knife into his flesh, following the line
his pen had taken earlier that morning.
But the pain was stabilizing. And he really did think he deserved it in a way.
At least it drove away all of his stupid thoughts concerning the new kid…
Later, once he'd cleaned his arm up, bandaged it tightly to stop the bleeding
and had put on a long sleeved shirt to hide the evidence from Ruth and his
grandfather, Eli, he decided that when he felt the pain in his arm the next day
that it would remind him not to get too close to anyone – specifically Jesse.
Shaun reasoned that if he could hurt himself this much… Jesse would only hurt
him worse.
He hung out his bedroom window while his arm was still throbbing. He lit up and
smoked a joint while he was out there. He always felt so relaxed after he
fucked himself up, but the pot made it even better. He was so calm that when
Eli entered his room without knocking, he only gave the man a slightly offended
look.
"Dinner's ready." Eli said, coming over and snatching the joint from Shaun. He
took a hit.
"I'm not hungry." Shaun patiently waited until Eli gave him his pot back,
absently digging his fingers into his new cut. It had a calming effect.
"Come tell your grandma that, son" Eli said, smiling.
Shaun rolled his eyes, taking one last deep pull on the roach before he threw
it into the dead bushes below his window. He dreamily wondered if all the
joints he'd thrown down there had killed them.
Reluctantly, Shaun followed Eli back into the kitchen. Ruth was just pulling a
roast out of the oven.
"How was your day?" Eli asked as Shaun slid into his seat.
"Fucked up." he said casually.
"Watch your language, young man." Ruth screeched, putting the roast down on the
table just so that she could hit Shaun upside the head. The dark haired boy
scowled.
Ruth plopped into her seat across from Eli. The chair creaked ominously. "Who
wants to say grace?" Ruth asked loudly, folding her pudgy fingers together.
"I will." Shaun volunteered with a smirk.
Ruth narrowed her eyes at him. "Do it right. Jesus is watching you."
"Fine." Shaun said easily, waiting until his grandparents' bowed their heads.
Shaun followed suit before he began. "Bless this food, Lord, that my grandma
made and that my grandpa paid for. Because we are helpless without your great
and wonderful bounty, oh Lord. Thanks so fucking much, Jesus Christ."
"Amen." Eli said quickly, cutting it short. He sounded amused.
Ruth smacked the back of Shaun's head again, but he was in way too good of a
mood to let that bother him.
Insulting Jesus always put him in a good mood.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Three
When Jesse came home, the house was blissfully empty. Well, except for Sam, but
he didn't count.
Sam was being rather annoying though, complaining about the new school and the
other kids. He mentioned that the girls on the bus had followed him around the
entire day.
"You're such a little kid," Jesse said, ruffling Sam's hair.
"I am not!" Sam yelled, but Jesse ignored him, sprawling out on the couch and
putting his feet up on one of the half emptied boxes still stacked around the
room. He turned the TV on to drown out the sound of Sam's wailing.
He couldn't pay attention however, he'd been distracted ever since he'd seen
Shaun break Eric's nose.
The gym teacher had decided it had been an accident and Shaun had been forced
to sit out for the rest of the game. The sullen boy hadn't looked contrite
however. The look on his face as he'd sat in the dugout, fuck… the look on his
face when he'd kicked the ball right into Eric's face with that scary precision
had been very unsettling. And he'd looked right at Jesse after he'd done it.
Jesse wasn't paranoid, but he couldn't help thinking Shaun had meant something
by that look. Maybe people really didn't talk to him for a reason. They'd told
him to stay away, but of course Jesse had ignored them like an idiot. In fact,
Shaun had been acting 'off' since they'd met just that morning. Gloomy, moody,
glaring one minute and then being borderline friendly, or at least
accommodating, the next. Jesse had been hoping Shaun would come and sit with
him during lunch, but the other boy had placed himself way across the room and
had commenced yet another one way staring match. Jesse had tried not to stare
back, involving himself with the other people around him so he wouldn't feel so
uncomfortable, but Shaun had never let up.
He'd been completely unapproachable during gym, even before the incident with
the kickball. Everyone had been subconsciously giving Shaun extra space, like
they'd known he was about to do something crazy. Frankly, it was very
intimidating.
He didn't know what to do. He sat with the kid in Chemistry for fuck's sake!
They rode the same bus! Though Shaun had been mysteriously missing on the ride
home…
Jesse felt like maybe he should back off, leave Shaun alone like he apparently
preferred, but he didn't feel comfortable about doing that either. After all,
he couldn't just sit next to the other boy in class and never talk to him! It
was impracticable! Plus it would be boring.
The redhead thought about the dilemma off and on for the rest of the night.
Monica came home with a new job. She started training the next day and she'd
brought home a bunch of fast food to celebrate.
The twins were bouncing off the walls again, talking nonstop about their day.
Both Melissa and Brian were crying, trying to outdo the other by raising their
voices until Jesse would rather shove pencils, sharp point first, into his ears
than have to listen to them anymore. Monica needed him though and nearly the
entire night was spent trying to calm down two 5 year-olds, a toddler and a
screaming baby.
At least the screaming had tired the two youngest members of the family out and
they both slept soundly. The twins hit the hay just after their normal bedtime
and finally… finally it was over for the night.
A good night's sleep had done little to make up Jesse's mind. He was still
pretty divided when he got on the bus the next morning. He sat separate from
Sam, even though the younger boy tried to sit near him again. Jesse didn't
allowed it though.
When the bus stopped in front of Shaun's house, Jesse braced himself. For what
though, he didn't know.
Shaun got on, wearing the same t-shirt from yesterday with a long sleeved
flannel shirt over top of it. He smelled ever worse than he had yesterday,
sweaty, with the slightest hint of smoke. His hair was a tangled rat's nest.
Jesse followed the other boy with his eyes, noting with alarm the extreme aura
of hostility coming from him. Shaun slumped into his seat behind Jesse, pulling
his bag to his chest in an unconscious show of discomfort. He glared at Jesse
with his dark, intense eyes.
"Hi." Jesse said tentatively.
Shaun didn't answer and after a second or two, Jesse began to feel pretty
stupid just staring at him, so after a few more unbearable seconds of the
staring game, Jesse turned to face the front of the bus.
Honestly, Jesse couldn't think of one thing he'd done that would have made
Shaun look at him like that. He thought they'd been getting along reasonably
well the day before…
Before too long, Kenny, Emily, and the rest of their friends got on the bus and
Jesse was bombarded with their friendly chatter. At least there was no mystery
with these guys.
Chemistry was even weirder.
Jesse didn't even attempt to talk to Shaun when he got to class. The dark
haired boy was scowling something fierce. Staring hatefully at the teacher, the
board, the backs of random kids' heads. And then, every so often, he'd grab his
left arm, squeezing the shirt-covered flesh in what looked to be a painful
grip.
While there wasn't anything especially strange about that, it was the look on
Shaun's face when he did it that was disturbing. A weird, pained expression
came across his face as the color drained from his cheeks.
And then he'd smile. And it was the creepiest smile Jesse had ever seen. It was
just the slightest upturn at the corners of Shaun's bloodless lips, but
something about it seemed sinister. After Shaun had done this a few times, he
suddenly seemed to realize Jesse was watching him. He turned that creepy smile
on him then, and his eyes darkened.
After that, Jesse just kept to himself, staring down at his notebook.
"Are you ok?" Emily asked when he arrived in history.
"Yeah…fine." Jesse was peering up to the front of the room however, staring at
Shaun's back. He was hunched over in his seat, scribbling on a sheet of paper.
"Are you sure?" Emily tried to lean into his field of vision, finally
distracting Jesse enough to get him to stop perusing the back of Shaun's head.
"Shaun's just acting weird." He said sheepishly.
"When isn't he?" Emily joked, absently flipping her long black hair over her
shoulder. "I did tell you to stay away from him though. I don't have anything
against him… it's just that…"
"Yeah?" Jesse wanted to know what it was about the other boy that made him seem
so inherently dangerous. Maybe he was just imagining things. Maybe everyone
disliked him because he smelled weird.
Emily shook her head. "This isn't the place to talk about that."
Jesse raised a brow, now intensely curious. He was going to whine and complain
until Emily told him everything she knew about the dark and sullen boy, but
just then the bell rang and class started. It seemed he was just going to have
to wait.
However, Emily didn't bring up the topic again and Jesse felt kind of strange
bringing it up a second time. He didn't want to seem like he was obsessed with
Shaun or anything.
So, he just stuck with studying the gloomy boy from afar.
Back at home, things weren't going much better.
The hospital had put Monica on weird hours, and had assured her it was
temporary. Either way, she had to use her 'lunch' breaks to pick Lissa and
Brian up from daycare and bring them home so Sam and Jesse could watch them
while she went back to work until 8 and sometimes 9.
It was utter hell having to take care of 5 younger siblings every night on top
of homework, not that Jesse was especially worried about the homework part.
Either way, Jesse was pulling his hair out long before Friday came around.
***
Jesse knew better than to sit in the back, near Shaun's preferred seat, so on
Friday morning, he sat in the middle of the bus as he waited for his friends to
get on.
Kenny sat beside Jesse automatically. "Hey man."
Jesse smiled.
"Hi," Emily and Sunny said at the same time, sitting in front of the boys.
Lee waved, waddling into her seat. Rick placed a protective hand on the small
of her back and helped her get comfortable. He was silent most of the time, but
he was a pretty good guy.
"What are you doing tonight?" Kenny asked as the bus started moving again.
Jesse wrinkled his nose. "Babysitting until my mom gets home."
Kenny gave Jesse a sympathetic look.  Jesse had complained once or twice about
the unfairness of having so many brothers and sisters. He'd managed to make a
joke out of it, making his rapt audience laugh, but the redhead really didn't
think it was funny.
"Until when?" Sunny butted in, her eyes wide as she peered over the back of her
seat.
"I don't know, probably around 8."
"That's ok. We could come pick you up around then," Kenny said happily.
"Yeah, parties around here don't start until the sun goes down anyway." Emily
added.
Jesse grinned. A party was just what he needed to unwind after a long first
week. He didn't know what a party would be like out in the middle of nowhere,
but it had to be better than babysitting and school.
"Sure. That'd be great!"
Thank god, Jesse's crappy week was finally looking up.
And then the redhead remembered he had a chemistry lab with Shaun as his
partner later that day…
Shit.
Squirming, Jesse sat through his first period math class in a panic. He and
Kenny's friend Jordan, had class together. Jesse kind of thought Jordan was an
asshole, but they talked some. However, today, Jordan kept turning around to
give him disdainful looks.
"Dude, stop kicking my seat." He finally whispered over his shoulder.
Jesse forced himself to stop, staring at Jordan's dreads instead.
He was nervous though. It would be the first time he'd interacted with Shaun
since Monday and he didn't really know how he felt about that.
Shaun had kept up the creepy act all week long, going from completely ignoring
Jesse to staring at nothing with a look of utter devastation on his face. He
kept doing that thing with his arm too and once, during lunch, Jesse had saw
Shaun jabbing a pen into his hand!
Jesse knew that Shaun had been wearing short sleeves on Monday, but he hadn't
worn nothing but long sleeved shirts ever since Tuesday. The redhead knew
something must be going on with him.
Finally, class ended and Jesse leapt up, grabbing his things quickly.
"What are you so impatient for?" Jordan drawled.
Jesse shrugged. "I have chemistry next."
"Oh." Much to Jesse's annoyance, Jordan started to follow him. "My brother had
chemistry 2 years ago. He told me the whole 'exploding metals' thing is really
lame."
"Hmm."
"I mean, can't these so called, college educated teachers think of anything
more interesting than alkali metals?"
"I don't know. It's better than worksheets and notes."
"You've got a point there. Honestly, the amount of busy work we get is
unbelievable. Do you really think we need most of the math we learn in there?"
Jordan asked, pointing back the way they'd just came, before answering his own
question. "Math is mental masturbation and people with no lives like to
scribble equations down so everyone can see what great big cocks they have."
Jordan laughed at his own joke. "I don't mean literally of course. That whole
myth about 'if you don't use it, you lose it' is true and everybody knows guys
who make up equations for a living don't get any."
"Um…" Jesse didn't know how Jordan had gone from talking about the chemistry
lab to making fun of mathematicians. "I think this is my class." He pointed
out, relieved.
"Yeah, I think it is too." Jordan mocked him, rolling his eyes. "See you at
lunch, man."
"Ok, bye." Jesse attempted a smile, though he wasn't really feeling up for it.
He tried though and that's all that really mattered. Jordan was too busy being
a jerk to notice anyway.
Jesse went inside, glad when he saw that he'd arrived before Shaun. He took his
customary seat, but didn't take anything out of his bag but his notebook.
They'd have to take some notes on the reactions, but other than that, there
wasn't much else they'd have to do today.
The moment Shaun came in the room, Jesse could feel it. He didn't even have to
look up. He just knew the other boy was near him. It was pretty weird and Jesse
might have been concerned that he'd become so attuned to the other boy that he
could literally feel him from across a room, but Jesse was perfectly happy
explaining it away. Shaun did have quite a presence.
"Are you ready for this?"
For a minute Jesse thought Shaun had spoken to him. But that was just wishful
thinking and it was a girl's voice anyway.
Sara, a really pretty girl with blond streaked hair and fucking huge tits
asked. She was at the table next to theirs and Jesse had started talking to her
before class since he felt weird sitting silent most of the time. Normally
Jesse wouldn't have had a chance with Sara, but since he was new and there was
a limited supply of guys for a gorgeous and popular girl like Sara to pick
from, he thought that he might actually have a shot at her. Unless, of course,
she weren't already dating Eric.
"Yes, I heard it's going to be really cool." Jesse lied.
Sara smiled. "Who told you that?" The blond crossed her long bare legs, smiling
flirtatiously when she caught Jesse looking. "Mr. Barnes could make the 4th of
July boring."
Jesse was about to say something lame, like 'you’re the hottest firecracker
I've ever seen' but luckily, class began before he could get it out. Sara
smiled at him anyway and turned back around, opening her notes.
Mr. Barnes started lecturing again about chemical reactions, why they reacted,
how they reacted, how much they reacted, before he went on to safety measures
and safe lab procedures. Class was nearly over before everyone had their safety
goggles on and their aprons tied up.
But then it was time for Mr. Barnes to make his demonstration. He started out
with the more explosive ones, leaving the boring ones for lab.
"Class, this is potassium." Barnes droned on as he dropped a small piece into
his bowl of water. It broke into little pieces which caught on fire, exploding
with a small pop. It was pretty interesting. Beside him, Shaun leaned forward
eagerly, like he was trying to get a good look.
"And this is rubidium." The teacher continued, dropping another miniscule piece
into the bowl. It flared up the instant it hit the water, shooting out of the
bowl in several different flaming pieces, like little fireworks.
"Fuck…" Shaun muttered, looking highly entertained. Jesse couldn't help but be
reluctantly amused by his neighbor, smiling softly when he was sure Shaun
wasn't looking in his direction.
"You'll be working with lithium and sodium, which are much less reactive. But I
want you to describe the reaction that takes place anyway and when you're done
do the questions I've written on the board and turn in your lab before you go."
Barnes waited for everyone to settle down before he asked for one person from
each table to come up to the front of the room and take a small sample of both
metals, and for the other group member to get the bowls and water.
Shaun got up and started to move towards the front of the room, but Jesse
suddenly had an idea.
"Wait." He grabbed Shaun's shoulder to get the boy to stop. Shaun turned on
him, a sudden fiery anger in his dark eyes. "Get the water, would you?" Jesse
said, not knowing how else to get that hateful glare off of him.
Shaun shrugged Jesse's hand from his shoulder, looking highly offended. "You
fucking do it." He said violently, starting to move towards the front of the
room again.
Knowing he should really just give in and let Shaun do as he pleased, Jesse
touched Shaun's left forearm, right where he was always squeezing and abusing
himself.
Shaun froze instantly.
"I promise it'll be worth it."
People were watching them as they wove around their table to get their labs
ready. If Jesse couldn't convince Shaun to let him go up front very soon, then
all this would be for nothing.
"Please?" He pleaded, feeling strange doing it, but it worked.
Shaun roughly pulled his arm away, scowling darkly even as his cheeks flushed
an ugly brick red, but he went towards the back of the room where the bowls and
faucets were anyway. Jesse smiled, pleased with himself. He got up hurriedly
and made his way to the front of the room and the disordered group of students
gathering their supplies.
It was way too easy. Really, really, easy to get a little bit of rubidium into
his little petri dish instead of sodium. He actually felt bad about it as he
was doing it, which was good in his opinion as he'd need to look pretty
repentant to get out of this without a suspension or worse.
"Mr. Barnes?" He asked casually, sidling up next to the middle aged science
teacher.
"Ah… yes… Mr. Welch?" Jesse always thought it was funny when a teacher called
him by his last name. He felt all formal and goofy as a 'Mr' anybody.
"I just wanted to say how cool it is that we get to actually do a hands-on labs
here. There were 30 some kids in my last Chemistry class, so there was no way a
single teacher could supervise an entire lab of us. You really make this an
interesting class."
Barnes turned to Jesse, his eyebrows raised with incredulity. "Thank you, Mr.
Welsh, that's very nice of you to say. I'd really like to try some more complex
labs this year. We got the levy passed a couple months ago so we'll be able to
do a lot more fun things this year. You got here just in time for."
"Really? That's great. What other sort of labs were you thinking?"
It was then as Barnes blabbed on about all the boring things they'd be doing
later in the year that Jesse reached out, trying to appear casual as he
absently searched for the small bottles of metals. Nodding, he took the lithium
in one dish and then reached for the rubidium when Barnes was busy scratching
his head and trying to remember the exact specifics of a lab on covalent bonds.
"That sounds really cool, Mr. Barnes." Jesse politely interrupted. "But I'd
better get back to work. I don't want to turn in a bad first lab."
Barnes smiled pleasantly. "No, I suppose you don't."
"Thanks." Jesse hurried back to his seat and sat quickly beside Shaun.
"You're finally done?" Shaun sneered. "I thought you were going to suck him
off."
Jesse rolled his eyes. "Dude, you have a sick mind."
Shaun's face lost all expression at the mild insult, something Jesse recognized
as a defensive mechanism. Hopefully Jesse could convince Shaun to drop it after
this.
"Go on then." Shaun snapped, after a minute of Jesse fidgeting and wondering if
his poorly concocted plan was literally going to blow up in his face. "Do it
already so we can finish."
"You first." Jesse nervously pushed the lithium across the table to Shaun and
the other boy snatched it up, nearly dumping the powdery stuff all over the
table. He held it over the water before sprinkling a small amount into the
bowl. It gathered into a little ball before skittering across the water's
surface, fizzing and emitting the faintest hint of a gas.
Shaun grabbed his notebook, muttering angrily to himself as he wrote in the
reaction.
"Fucking boring…" He muttered as he scribbled away.
Smiling, Jesse finished first, waiting patiently for Shaun to finish as well.
"It's your turn." Shaun prompted sulkily and Jesse smiled.
"Ready?"
"For fucks sake…" Shaun growled, rolling his eyes.
"Seriously. Are you ready?" Jesse continued to prod, grinning from ear to ear.
"Fuck you. I'm ready," Shaun hissed, glaring daggers at Jesse. His cheeks were
flushed again and his hair seemed to have become even more frizzy and unkempt
with his foul mood.
"Trust me, you'll like this." Jesse said, and with one hand, he moved the petri
dish over the bowl of water. He pushed back firmly against Shaun's chest with
the other, encouraging him to lean back from the water.
"What the—" Shaun's angry words were cut off as the rubidium hit the water and
exploded brilliantly in a flash of blue.
Jesse didn't even have to pretend when he jumped back, nearly toppling his
chair in his surprise.
This was way better than Mr. Barnes' demonstration! Much closer anyways…
The lab erupted into utter chaos after the explosion. Several girls screamed,
chairs were overturned, someone near the front knocked into their desk, sending
their bowl of water splashing all over the floor.  
Everyone's eyes were drawn to their little desk in the corner and Mr. Barnes,
looking startled and horrified, came rushing down the aisle, demanding to know
what had happened.
But it was totally worth it.
In the split second before Mr. Barnes was on them, questioning them harshly,
Shaun looked at Jesse and actually smiled.
And that's probably what got the two of them in so much trouble.
After separate trips to the office and two very similar lectures from the
principle, Jesse and Shaun got the most devastating punishment of all. Friday
after school detention.
"Sorry about that." Jesse blushed when they were finally alone. They'd been
sent to their history class with late passes, but there was only about 5
minutes left of class, so neither of them were hurrying.
"It's cool." Shaun shrugged and he really did seem cool with it. He couldn't
have looked more pleased than if everything had actually been his idea. "That
was pretty badass, you stealing shit off the teacher to blow up."
"Yeah. It was pretty sweet, huh?"
"Fuck yeah." Shaun smirked and Jesse couldn't help but stare. He looked so
normal when he did that. He realized that part of what made the other boy so
unattractive was his constant scowling and glaring. Well, he still had bad skin
and hair and he did have questionable hygiene, but he looked like a normal
person when he smiled and not like such a scary, intimidating one.
"Well, I am sorry about the detention."
Shaun shrugged again. "Whatever. I get detention a lot." He responded, looking
like it didn't matter. "I'll just walk home afterwards."
"Yeah, I'll have to walk too. My mom's at work until late."
Jesse didn't mind that he'd have to stay after school. He'd have Shaun all to
himself on the walk home, and they'd finally get an uninterrupted amount of
time to talk.
Shaun stopped suddenly, turning to open a locker. Jesse hadn't realized they
were walking anywhere specific until just then and he watched Shaun rifle
through his things with curiosity. There were books and notebooks haphazardly
crammed together amongst a large pile of crumpled pieces of paper.
"What's all that?" Jesse asked.
Shaun turned slowly, glaring harshly at Jesse. Within seconds, he'd snatched
several books from his locker before he slammed it shut again. "Nothing," he
growled. Then he stormed off down the hall.
What the fuck!
Jesse hurried after Shaun, wondering what he'd done now!
"Wait up," he called, resisting the urge to grab Shaun's shoulder again to slow
him down. Reluctantly, the other boy slowed to a reasonable pace after
listening to Jesse beg him a few more times… and quickly, Jesse searched for a
new topic of conversation. Somehow, he managed to make it worse.
"What are you doing this weekend?" He blurted, asking the first thing that came
to mind.
"Well, I can tell you I'm not going to that fucking party." Shaun sneered, but
at least he didn't run away again.
"Why not…" Jesse felt like a complete ass for even asking. "Ok, dumb question."
He quickly amended, receiving a snort from the other boy. It was on the tip of
his tongue to ask just what it was exactly that made the other kids hate Shaun
so much, but he quickly restrained himself.
"Yeah, fucking stupid question." Shaun agreed bitterly.
"Listen… I'm sorry ok. I just—" Jesse cut himself off, not exactly sure what he
was going to say. "I just want to be your friend, ok?"
"Why?" Shaun asked, sounding curious despite the unpleasant edge to his tone.
"Why?" Jesse repeated. "Well, why not? You're interesting."
"Oh, so what? Am I some sort of experiment for you? Do I entertain you?" Shaun
turned around suddenly, his voice wavering dangerously as he held up his arms
in supplication. "Are you fucking amused?"
"No." Jesse said quickly, lowering his eyes. "There's just something about you
that…" Jesse had no idea how to describe the strange pull Shaun had on him and
he didn't really want to either because he was afraid he'd only sound gay if he
did. "Fuck, Shaun! What's so terrible about wanting to get to know you?" He
blushed as he said it, embarrassed that he had to spell out something as simple
as friendship.
"You want to get to know me? Alright." Shaun said angrily. "I'll save you some
fucking time." The other boy's voice rose in pitch until he was nearly yelling.
Jesse automatically shrank back. "I'm a white trash, son-of-a-bitch who
genuinely hates every last fucker in this damn town!" Shaun ranted. "I'm an
ugly fucking asshole, a disgusting bastard, a mother fucking psychopath," Shaun
continued, his eyes blazing dangerously again. "I'm going to Hell and you know
what, I don't fucking care!" He shouted, before turning on his heel and
stalking off.
Stunned, Jesse stared after Shaun. It took him all of 10 seconds before he
decided to go after him, but by then the bell had rang and the halls were
flooding with kids going to their next class.
"Hey." Emily emerged from the crowd. "I heard you blew up the science room."
She stood in front of Jesse, trying to get him to look down at her. Jesse was
still staring after Shaun however, lost in thought.
"What?" She asked, following Jesse's gaze down the hall, though she didn't see
anything of interest.
"…Nothing." Jesse said after a moment. Turning blindly and walking towards
English, the next class on the schedule.
Luckily, Emily didn't pry. She did offer to pick Jesse up after his detention
however.
"It's my brother's truck, but I could come pick you up if you wanted. He'll
probably offer actually." She said, looking sour at the thought of Kenny
picking Jesse up instead of her. Jesse missed the expression however.
"No, I can walk." He said quickly, knowing that Shaun would have to talk to him
then. He'd have nowhere else to go.
"Why would you rather walk?" Emily asked, looking somewhat annoyed with Jesse's
response.
Not wanting to explain, as he knew exactly what Emily would say, Jesse
shrugged.
"It's more time away from my brothers and sisters." He hadn't thought of it
that way, but now that he did, it was a good idea. Maybe he should walk home
every day.
"Well, I mean, I don't have to take you home right away." Emily said
suggestively, but once again Jesse was oblivious.
"That's ok. I'll walk." Jesse repeated, glad when they got to English and he
could drop the conversation.
Emily went sulkily to her seat, but Jesse didn't really notice.
Jesse was practically famous by lunch time. Everyone had heard about chemistry
and the huge explosion. The redhead was sure it got bigger every single time
someone asked him about it.
"It hit Shaun in the face, right?" Eric asked, between massive bites of a
cafeteria sloppy joe.
"Yeah, I heard it blew a hole in the ceiling." Alicia spoke up, leaning across
the table to get Jesse to acknowledge her.
"No, someone told me it like set half the room on fire." Kenny declared as
surely as if he'd been there himself. "They almost didn't put it out in time."
But then again…
"Oh my god, you guys! I was there and it was totally the size of the freaking
atomic bomb. It was like mushrooming and everything!" Sara cried, playfully
elbowing Kenny out of the way.
Jesse just laughed, not knowing what to say.
He got several offers for rides, but he awkwardly turned them all down. Nobody
could understand why he would rather walk and maybe he ought to give up his
little mission to walk with Shaun, since the other boy was suddenly MIA.
Jesse had figured out the reason Shaun was never on the bus after school. He
was skipping his last class and walking home early.
When Jesse didn't see Shaun at his usual table during lunch, he started to get
worried he'd had gone home after their argument in the hall… if that strange
conversation that'd had could be called an argument, that was.
The rest of the day was spent with people coming up to him to congratulate.
Jesse smiled, but by the last class of the day he was getting pretty tired of
it. He still hadn't caught sight of Shaun and now he was really starting to
regret turning down all those ride offers.
But he stuck with his decision.
When class ended for the day, he went straight to the study hall room where
after school detention was held. He gave the tired looking woman in charge his
name and took a seat in the back of the room a few chairs away from a freshman
boy he'd briefly met the other day in the lunch line. Across the room, two
girls sat sat a couple away from each other, but surreptitiously, they texted
one another under their desktops.
But Shaun was still missing…
The grey-haired detention lady waited for a bit, watching the clock intently.
Another two more boys came in, one after the other, and one more girl, who sat
up in the front row and immediately took out a pad of paper and started
writing. No sign of Shaun… Still!
The woman waited for a few more minutes, until it was 3:00 exactly. Then she
strode over to the door and started to close it, but just as she'd shut it,
someone banged into the door.
"You're late," she said grumpily, opening the door.
"Right on time." Shaun argued, making his way into the room. He spotted Jesse
in the back and headed towards him. He sat in the desk next to Jesse and
glanced glanced over at the redhead, taking in his huge, beaming smile. He
glared halfheartedly in response, taking out his English book, some paper and a
pencil to work with.
"Let's get busy people. You've got an hour." The detention monitor barked from
the front of the room. "No talking, no texting," She shot the two girls a look
and they sheepishly put their phones away. "No eating, sleeping or staring at
the walls."
Unable to keep from smiling completely, Jesse took out some of his math
homework and got started. It was much easier to do when there weren't little
kids running around all over the place, it was almost like Jordan had said,
math was like mental masturbation. Whenever he struggled with a problem and
finally got it right, the warm happy feeling he got in the pit of his stomach
was similar to the feeling of bliss he had right after he'd rubbed one out
under his sheets. Not nearly as good, mind, but almost as satisfying.
By the time the hour was up, Jesse had finished his homework and was doodling
in the margins, trying to think of the best way to approach Shaun.
He didn't know why he was so obsessed with the other boy, so it wasn't like he
could justify himself to Shaun, give him a concrete answer as to why he wanted
to be friends with him. Jesse hadn't been kidding when he'd said Shaun was
interesting though. In all the many places Jesse had lived, he'd never met
anyone quite as strange as the other boy.
Plus that quicksilver smile he'd shot Jesse right before they'd been hauled off
to the principal's office had been kind of amazing.
He wanted to see it again.
"Alright, times up." The detention monitor announced, standing up from her
desk. "Have a good weekend folks. And stay out of trouble." Her gaze narrowed
on Shaun specifically, though he didn't seem to notice. He forced his things
into his bag, slung it over his shoulder and stormed out of the room.
Jesse panicked. He stared grabbing his things randomly, nearly tripping over
himself as he tried to catch up with Shaun.
He hurried out the door, trying to run and put his things in his bag at the
same time when he ran head first into Shaun's back.
"Jesus Christ!" Shaun hissed. He grabbed onto Jesse's shoulder to steady the
redhead. "What the fuck's your problem?"
"I'm trying to find you before you disappear again," Jesse said, glaring at the
taller boy. His glare wasn't nearly as effective as Shaun's was, but the
redhead didn't care.
Shaun raised one of his bushy eyebrows. "I'm fucking waiting for you."
Jesse frowned, pouted more like, up at the other boy, not really ready to trust
him on his word alone at the moment. "Sure you were."
"Well, are you coming or not!" Shaun wasn't about to convince him obviously, so
Jesse quickly finished shoving his things into his bag and nodded curtly,
following Shaun outside.
"I'm surprised your little legion of friends didn't offer to pick you up."
Shaun grunted, looking critically around the empty parking lot before he
started off towards the road.
Knowing Shaun reacted badly whenever the other kids were brought up, Jesse
shrugged.
Shaun scoffed as if the redhead had just finished a speech on their innumerable
good qualities. He started to stalk down the road, his longer legs putting a
considerable amount of distance between them. Jesse had to jog to keep up.
He didn't know where to go with this. All his plans had centered around him
having to convince Shaun to even let him near enough to speak. But now that
Shaun was here, and somewhat open to listening, he wasn't sure what he should
say.
Finally he decided to just wing it and the first words out of his mouth were,
"Do you really believe you're going to Hell?"
"Of course I do." Shaun answered flatly. "I wouldn't fucking lie about
something like that."
Jesse bit his lip. "I just thought you were exaggerating or something." He'd
never met anyone who truly believed they were damned for Hell. He'd met people
who didn't believe in it, but never anyone who sounded like they expected it.
"My stupid Grandma tells me enough." Shaun shrugged.
Well, they were farther than they had been this afternoon, Jesse told himself.
At least Shaun was talking.
"You live with your grandparents?"
"Yes."
Jesse started to ask where Shaun's parents were, but the darker boy cut him off
with a severe look. "Don't ask." He said dangerously.
Jesse shut his mouth, embarrassed, though slightly grateful that Shaun was
giving him some sort of clue as to what he couldn't talk about. There seemed to
be a lot they couldn't talk about, but they were conversing, so Jesse refused
to be discouraged.
He finally decided on a safer topic.
"So, everyone thought our little science experiment was really cool."
Shaun grunted and stuck his hands in his pockets.
"I wish I had more of that stuff. Like a whole brick of it. I'd throw it in a
lake or something." Jesse chattered nervously. "Could you imagine? It'd be
like…whoa!" He tried to convey the size of his imaginary explosion with his
hands, bouncing in the air in his anxious excitement.
The redhead was gratified when Shaun smirked at him. "Yeah," he said.
They walked in silence for a few moments, Shaun smiling faintly and Jesse
trying to think of something else to talk about. The old country road they were
walking down was reflecting a lot of heat and making the slight curve in the
road ahead look like a wavy mirage. The wind through the corn fields was nice
though. Almost musical. Certainly better than a household of kids.
"It's pretty nice out here." Jesse commented absently.
"I thought you were from the city." Shaun responded, giving Jesse a piercing
look.
"I've lived a lot of places."
"Oh yeah?" Shaun asked, obviously skeptical.
"Yeah. I've lived in California, Texas, Utah, Wisconsin," The redhead counted
off on his fingers. "New York, for a few months, Florida, Georgia…"
"No one likes it here." Shaun said bitterly. "I can't wait to get out of this
place."
Jesse studied the other boy. Judging from the way other people acted around
here, Jesse could see just how out of place Shaun was here. He was a pariah.
"Where would you go if you could live anywhere?" Jesse asked before Shaun could
catch him staring.
"I dunno," Shaun rubbed the back of his neck, upsetting his wild curls.
"California I guess."
"Why there?"
Shaun sent him an impatient look. "So I can get in a real band and get signed."
"You don't want to go there for that." Jesse said carefully. "I didn't like it
there much. Too many fake people. Everyone's plastic."
Shaun grunted.
"Florida is more your thing." Jesse continued. "Tampa's the heavy metal
capitol, ya know?"
"Anywhere's better than here." The other boy said darkly.
Jesse shrugged.
He figured they were about 10 minutes away from Shaun's house and another 2 or
3 from his. Jesse wished he could get Shaun to say something substantial. He
wished he could actually involve the other boy in a conversation. Talking with
him was like trying to pull teeth with tweezers.
Fortunately, Jesse liked a challenge and something told him it'd be worth it.
"Well…" he paused, fishing for a new topic of conversation. "Besides being in
an awesome band—"
"Who said we were 'awesome'?" Shaun sneered the word, his upper lip twisting
unpleasantly.
"Nobody." Jesse wanted to joke around, but figured he'd better not. "I just
assumed… you know… secret underground metal band? Too brutal for the likes of
me? It must be pretty awesome."
Shaun rolled his eyes. "Go on." He said, amusement in his voice.
Jesse laughed, hopping a little in place while Shaun watched him warily. "So,
you're in this awesome band right? What does a badass guitarist like you do for
fun?" The redhead bounced closer to Shaun, waving a hand in his face. "I mean
besides hanging out and being ultra-brutal and shit."
Shaun smirked at him. "I like shooting things."
"You have a gun?" Jesse's blue eyes widened despite his best efforts to appear
casual. "I've never even seen one in real life."
"Sure." Shaun said easily, seemingly pleased with Jesse's response. "I'm pretty
good at throwing knives too."
"Dude! Seriously?" Jesse could picture Shaun throwing knives in such a way that
they would sever someone's jugular vein, like in a movie.
"I collect weapons. I'm pretty decent with them."
"Oh man, you've gotta show me some time."
"Mmm." Shaun hummed noncommittally.
"And you can play guitar." Jesse gushed, realizing that flattering the other
boy seemed to be working in his favor. "I always wanted guitar lessons, but I
never could because I was always babysitting." Unconsciously, the redhead made
a face. "Have you ever taught anyone?" he asked, glancing over at his
companion.
"Ah…no." Their eyes meet suddenly and Shaun blushed. He looked away
determinedly, off towards the dusty fields. "I think I'd be a shitty teacher."
They walked along in silence for a little bit, though for once it wasn't
incredibly awkward. It was quite nice actually. Shaun may not have been as
talkative as the other kids at school, but Jesse didn't mind all that much.
When he wasn't glaring daggers at everybody, Shaun had a very calming presence,
go figure.
Eventually though Jesse could see Shaun's house coming up. Feeling like he'd
better say something, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
"You're not going to be all weird again on Monday, are you?"
"How do you mean?" Shaun asked cautiously, as if he were waiting to get pissed
off.
"Like all hostile and stuff." Jesse clarified lamely. "You'll talk to me in
class, right?"
Shaun was quiet for much longer than Jesse felt comfortable with, but he
eventually nodded slowly.
"If you want, I guess."
"I do," Jesse said. "I think you're cool."
"Fuck you." Shaun murmured, sounding slightly amused again.
"And you can sit by me at lunch you know. And during gym. You don't have to be
so shy."
"I don't want to be anywhere near your fucking friends." Shaun said angrily. "I
hate them all."
Biting his lip, Jesse nodded slowly. "Ok, fine. But we're still friends right?"
"I guess." The other boy kicked a rock off the side of the road, clumsily
avoiding Jesse's gaze.
"Good." And weirdly enough, it was.
Shaun went home, muttering a half-hearted goodbye and Jesse smiled sweetly
after him, walking the rest of the way to his house feeling a vague sort of
success.
"Hey. Sorry I'm late. I got—"
"Detention. I know." Sam finished for his older brother. "Your girlfriend Emily
told me." The scrawny middle schooler taunted in that way only a preteen could.
Sam was sitting on the couch between the twins. Allison was chewing her hair
while she drew on Sam's jeans with a magic marker, and Tyler absently kicked a
box full of Monica's framed pictures while he watched one of Sam's violent TV
shows.
Sighing, Jesse took the marker away from Allison before she started drawing on
the couch. Next, he carefully moved Monica's pictures out of harm's way and
then he took the remote from Tyler and turned on the Disney channel.
"Go back!" Tyler yelled obnoxiously, making a grab for the remote. Jesse held
it out of reach.
"Stop yelling or you're going into time out." he warned calmly.
Tyler didn't want to hear that. He immediately began to throw a tantrum.
"You're not the boss of me!" the little boy screamed at the top of his lungs.
"I hate you!"
Jesse rubbed a hand over his face. It was strange how drained he felt, even
though he'd been pleased and happy about how the day had went only just a few
minutes ago.
"Watch them. I'm going upstairs." Jesse ordered, already tired of his family.
"I was!" Sam yelled after him. "And I was doing a good job too until you had to
come home!"
Jesse ignored him and trekked upstairs to his room, climbing onto the top bunk
and falling asleep within minutes.
He had a weird dream Shaun was teaching him how to play the guitar… Shaun had
his arms around Jesse from behind, his larger body curling perfectly around
Jesse's smaller one.
"There… just like that…"  Dream Shaun whispered in his ear as he manipulated
Jesse's fingers on the fretboard. He didn't stop until Jesse had the placement
perfect. "Now play." He ordered, his voice sounding distant and it felt as if
it came from deep within Jesse's head.
Jesse's fingers moved effortlessly as he started to play. It was a song, though
the redhead couldn't make out which one.
"…Good." Shaun said, his voice getting softer, farther away. The feeling of his
body disappeared.
"Shaun?" Jesse asked, distracted from finishing his song.
"You're so fucking good." Shaun hissed, suddenly right behind him again, his
mouth hot at the redhead's ear. His tongue snaked out, licking Jesse's ear lobe
before his arms reappeared around Jesse. One wrapped tightly around his
midsection, forcing the air out of his lungs and the other went around his
chest, pressing a long thin blade to his throat. "So fucking good—"
"Hey!"
Jesse jumped, the dream forgotten as he was yanked out of bed by the sound of
his brother's voice. He rolled over quickly as he woke, nearly falling out of
bed. As it was, he accidentally rolled over Brian who had apparently been
napping in his bed again. The little blond boy woke with a muffled cry.
"What do you want?" Jesse peered down from the top bunk, rubbing a hand through
his hair. Sam was looking up at him through narrowed eyes.
"Your stupid friends are here."
"Oh." That's right, he was supposed to go to a party tonight. "Shit!"
"Nobody invites me to parties." Sam said sourly.
"That's because your 13. What sort of parties do 13 year olds have?" Jesse
scooped Brian up and carried him down the ladder, handing him off to Sam after
giving the still sleepy toddler a kiss on the head. Sam sighed, but he moved
Brian to a more comfortable position on his hip.
"I want to come with you."
"No." Jesse refused without a thought.
"Why not?!" Sam whined. "I'm tired of being cooped up here!"
"Go hang out with those girls you're always chatting up on the bus." Jesse
suggested, stripping out of his clothes and quickly picking something clean to
wear.
"You're a fucking asshole, you know that?" Sam cried, storming out of the room.
Jesse rolled his eyes, concentrating on getting dressed. He could hear Sam
complaining to Monica downstairs, but he wasn't very concerned.
The redhead spent a minute checking himself over in the mirror, running a hand
absently through his shaggy hair.
"Jesse!" Monica yelled from downstairs.
"Coming!" he yelled back, grinning at his reflection before he turned to go
downstairs.
Kenny and Emily were waiting in the living room for him. Monica was chatting
amicably with Kenny, one arm around Sam while she held Lissa on her hip so the
baby could look around. Emily fussed over Allison and Tyler and the two of them
were lapping all the attention up, really milking it for everything they could
get.
"You shouldn't be friends with my brother. He's a butthead." Tyler was saying.
"Yeah, you should be our friend." Allison added. "Jesse's boring lately."
"Oh, Jesse isn't so bad." Emily laughed. She glanced up then, shyly meeting
Jesse's eyes.
The twins started to protest again, and Jesse moved to intervene, but Kenny
suddenly noticed him standing in the threshold.
"Hey man!" Kenny came over, putting an arm around Jesse's shoulders. "Have a
good nap?" He laughed in a friendly manner.
"Shut up." Jesse playfully hit Kenny on his side and Kenny laughed again.
"Well, you want to go?"
"Yep." Jesse glanced at Monica, hoping she wasn't going to make a big deal out
of him going out. She gave him a stern look, but said nothing.
"This is so unfair." Sam bitched from Monica's other side. He put Brian down.
"I never get to go anywhere."
"You have nowhere to go." Monica pointed out, running her fingers through Sam's
messy hair in a very motherly move.
"I wanna come, Jesse." Brian said enthusiastically, hurrying to Jesse's side.
He clutched at the redhead's jeans as if he couldn't be easily removed that
way.
"No, not this time Brian." Jesse brushed the little boy's hair back tenderly,
frowning when Brian started one of his epic pouts. "We'll do something fun
tomorrow, alright?"
"Ok." Brian looked like he was going to cry, but he let go of Jesse's pants.
Emily watched the exchange with wide eyes, obviously just barely containing
herself. When they all went out to Kenny's truck however, she exploded.
"You're really sweet with him." She cooed as she got in the front seat, patting
the place beside her. Once they were all settled in, Emily squeezed between
Jesse and her brother, she turned her starry eyed look back at Jesse. "You're a
good big brother."
"Jesus, Emily." Kenny snorted, turning the truck on. Loud country music blasted
from the radio, and he didn't turn it down. "Let's get outta here. Party's
already started." He yelled over the music before peeling out of Jesse's drive.
Emily smiled at Jesse, but she didn't say anything else.
Jesse was a little surprised when they passed Kenny's house. He'd assumed Kenny
was hosting the party, as he was the one that had invited him. But Jesse just
figured that it would be at someone else's house. Maybe at Jordan's, or Eric's
place.
After a while though they pulled off the road and onto a dirt trail cutting
through the corn fields.
"Where are we going?" Jesse yelled to be heard over the music and now the sound
of the truck as it bumped roughly along the uneven path.
"You'll see." Kenny said back, grinning.
Jesse gave the other boy a bemused look, but gave up asking. It was completely
dark outside, the moon was out though, lighting up the fields a pretty silvery
gold. It was kind of cool actually.
It took another five minutes before Kenny slowed down. The path dead ended as
the crops did, the woods forming a natural border. It was there, in a little
clearing on the strip of grass that the party was laid out. Jesse saw a couple
different people he'd met at school in the last week. They'd all parked their
cars in a rough circle, flattening some of the corn stalks, and in the middle,
in the grass, someone had started a huge bon fire.
"Whoa." Jesse muttered, impressed, especially when he spotted a keg in the back
of someone's truck.
Kenny parked his truck near the others and jumped out excitedly. Jesse was
pretty psyched as well. He really wanted a drink.
It was a pretty cool party, just a bunch of friends hanging out, shooting the
shit and getting spectacularly drunk.
Sara, the cute blond from science, had her car radio thoughtfully providing
them all with some good tunes. Plus, it helped that she and Alicia were dancing
together, their arms around each other and their bodies moving in perfect sync.
Sunny was there as well as some other younger girls that Jesse hadn't met yet.
She and Emily sat in the grass and talked, looking critically from the dancing
girls to Jesse.
The redhead wasn't stupid. He knew Emily had a thing for him and he kind of
liked Emily too. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to watch two girls
grinding against each other.
Either way, Jesse was kind of glad Emily had ditched him and Kenny, as Eric and
Jordan soon came over and the four of them sat around in the back of Kenny's
truck drinking and talking rather candidly about the qualities of most of the
girls there.
"Dude, you're so lucky you're with Sara." Jesse told Eric after a few beers.
"She's fucking smokin hot."
"Fuck you, man…." Eric said, trying to be angry, but fighting a grin.
"That's…that's my girlfriend." He said.
"She's hot." Kenny said, watching Sara spin her friend around, throwing her
head back so her blond hair streamed down her back.
"Alicia isn't bad either." Jesse shrugged. She wasn't quite as pretty, but she
did have a nice rack, which was probably one of the reasons she was so popular.
She was wearing really short shorts, cowboy boots and a matching hat. Jesse
would definitely do her.
"I've done 'em both." Jordan said, smirking darkly. Eric flicked him off
aggressively and Kenny laughed heartily.
"Seriously? Which is better?" Jesse asked kind of missing the glare Eric gave
him at the intrusive question. He just wanted to know if they were as good as
they looked.
"Eh." Jordan shrugged. "I don't live in the past, man. I look forward."
"Screw you." Jesse muttered, irritated with Jordan's lofty answer and also on
his way to being very inebriated.
"The only girl I'd fuck right now is Emily."
Jesse wasn't so smashed yet that he didn't pause at Jordan's bold announcement.
After all, Emily's twin brother was sitting right next to him. He sort of
expected some sort of blowup. However, there was almost no reaction from Kenny.
He rolled his eyes in fact.
"I thank god every day my sister isn't dumb enough to date you." He said,
clearly amused.
"It isn't right for a girl as pretty as Emily to be single." Jordan pouted.
"Yeah, she is pretty." Eric agreed, glancing over at the dark haired girl
talking quietly with Sunny.
"I think she likes me." Jesse confided in the other three boys, looking
cautiously at Kenny.
"Yeah, she told me she did." Startled, Jesse smiled slowly, but Kenny cut him
off. "Don't even think about it though."
"Aw, fuck. Don't be that way." The redhead whined, pausing to finish his fourth
beer before he bothered to continue with his argument. "You don't have to be
all protective. I'm not like your Jordan here. Girls like me for a reason; I'm
a nice guy."
"Girls don't like nice guys." Jordan muttered bitterly, but nobody acknowledged
that he'd spoke.
"We'll see." Kenny said solemnly.
Feeling like seriousness did not fit his mood at all, Jesse quickly changed the
subject, randomly bringing up a mostly fabricated story about his ex-girlfriend
back in Detroit. At least it got everyone laughing again.
It was then, as his new friends were busy being entertained by his story that
he saw a faint red light between two trees just at the edge of the forest. It
was shadowy and the trees had to be 5 or so yards away, so Jesse couldn't be
sure or anything, but he thought he saw a figure.
It wasn't especially weird. It wasn't like he was alone or anything. It might
be one of the partygoers fucking around.  Anyway, the red light looked like a
cigarette or a joint.
"Oh man…that reminds me of this one time…" Eric said, starting in on a story of
his own. Jesse tried to listen, but he couldn't help but keep an eye on the
figure, he could almost make it out now, standing there in the dark. He hoped
it wasn't a cop or someone who was going to get them in trouble.
The other guys laughed and Jesse grinned reflexively even though he'd missed
the joke.
He tried desperately to ignore the mysterious person watching them all. If they
wanted to be acknowledged, all they had to do was come closer to the fire or at
least come out so the moonlight might light up their features enough to be
seen.
"Hey!"
Focused on his own thoughts, Jesse jumped when he heard the unfamiliar voice.
Kenny laughed at Jesse, nudging him playfully. "What're ya thinking so hard
about over there Jess? My sister?"
"Ah…" Jesse scrambled to find a suitable answer, but it seemed he shouldn't
have bothered.
"You're Jesse, huh?" There was another guy climbing into the back of Kenny's
truck that Jesse hadn't yet met. The other guys were grinning at him though, so
Jesse figured he was probably cool.
"Yeah?"
"I heard about that explosion in Mr. Barne's room today. Nice job!" The boy
complemented, smiling cheerfully.
"Oh, thanks." Jesse smiled back.
"I'm Kyle." The new boy held a hand out and Jesse awkwardly shook it. He didn't
get introduced to people with handshakes very much, but this boy seemed kind
of… different. He was pretty well dressed for the occasion, anyway. Jesse,
Eric, Kenny and Jordan had all dressed rather similarly, jeans, t-shirts and
both Jordan and Jesse had tennis shoes on, though the other two had boots.
Kyle on the other hand had on very neat khaki pants and a sweater. His dark
hair was styled impeccably and his hand was incredibly smooth and soft. As
Jesse looked at him curiously, Kyle stared straight back at him, smiling coyly.
"Did you bring the stuff?" Jordan prodded in that arrogant way he had that so
irritated Jesse.
"Of course I did." Kyle said exasperatedly, rolling his eyes. He shared one
last, oddly intense look with Jesse before he pulled a Ziploc bag out of his
pocket. It was full of weed.
There was a practiced exchange of money. Jordan slid four 20's into Kyle's palm
before Kyle generously handed over the pot. Jordan immediately started rolling
several joints.
"Fuck." Jesse said after a minute of watching Jordan doing his thing. The
others were watching too. The anticipation was thick in the air. "If I would
have known you guys were buying stuff, I would have brought my money."
"I'm paying tonight." Jordan said absently, twisting the ends of a fat joint
before he handed it off to Eric. He quickly started on a second.
"Awesome!" Jesse grinned. He was already enjoying the feeling of being buzzed,
but he knew he was going to get even more so very soon. He was thrilled!
He was so distracted the rest of the night that he completely forgot about the
weird figure in the trees.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Four
When Shaun got home Ruth was up in arms.
"Detention?!" She yelled at the top of her considerable lungs. "Exploding
things in science class?! What is wrong with you?"
The scruffy boy didn't defend himself. Even though, technically, he'd had no
part in the mishap in chemistry, not once had it crossed his mind to rat Jesse
out. He just wasn't the sort to fucking tattle.
"It was an accident." Shaun said evasively, moving out of the kitchen and
towards his room in the back of the house.
Ruth followed him down the hall.
"I know damn well nothing's ever an accident with you." She hissed. "You're
just like your father."
That was fucking low.
Shaun paused on the threshold to his bedroom, his back to Ruth as he shook with
the force of his restrained anger.
Normally, he would have swung his fists first and waited to regret it later,
but this was his Grandma. He couldn't very well kill his own Grandma, no matter
how tempting it was. People were expecting it after all and Shaun didn't live
up to anyone's expectations.
"Leave me the fuck alone." Shaun said quietly, his voice wavering. He didn't
turn around, but he could feel Ruth's dark gaze drilling into the back of his
head.
"You're worthless." Ruth sneered, before she backed off, leaving Shaun alone in
the hall. He wanted to do something childish, like punch a hole in the wall or
at least slam his bedroom door behind him loud enough for Ruth to hear it and
know how angry he was, but he didn't.
He went into his room and turned his music on loud. He thought about cutting
himself again, a nice new line beside the one from Monday, but he didn't really
feel like it.
Sure Ruth was a mean bitch, but she'd always been and always would be. She
didn't bother him all that much.
And besides, he still felt strange from that unexpected walk home with Jesse.
"We're still friends, right?" Jesse had asked, all too innocently. Shaun had
kept thinking Jesse was going to start laughing at him, calling him a 'pathetic
loser', or maybe a 'goddamn freak' before he left to go and laugh some more
with his friends.
Nobody had ever wanted to be his friend. Ever! And it was ridiculous to think
Jesse, a completely normal, reasonably popular boy, wanted to be his.
There had to be some fucking catch, because if someone really wanted to be a
part of Shaun's life, it could never be for real.
Instead of sitting in his room and cutting his arms up, Shaun climbed out his
bedroom window and went around the house to the garage.
His gun was hanging up in the back, next to two of Eli's. He borrowed an old
coat he found draped over the workbench, pleased to find two worn cigarettes
and a lighter with the American flag on it in the pocket.
As he'd already told Jesse, he liked to shoot things.
The woods behind his house were full of things to kill. Little stupid animals,
squirrels and rabbits, sometimes even a stray cat or a deer or two, but he
wasn't looking for anything that big today.
He just needed to relieve some fucking stress.
Shaun walked for a while, finally settling down in one of his favorite places
about a mile from home and hunkering down to wait.
Generally Shaun was pretty patient. He could wait for long periods of time,
especially if it was something worth waiting for. And usually waiting for a
kill was worth it. But today he was distracted.
All he could think about was Jesse and that kind of pissed him off.
Jesse had gotten in trouble in Mr. Barnes' class, just for him. And he hadn't
whined or complained once about it, he'd even smiled when Shaun had shown up in
detention.
Jesse was impressed by Shaun, interested in him. It also seemed as if Jesse
were becoming somewhat resilient to Shaun's bad moods. Or at least he was
trying.
Shaun didn't exactly know what to do about it either.
Just then, Shaun saw a squirrel scrambling down from a nearby tree. He took
careful aim, following the tiny grey animal in his sights, waiting for it to
pause. There was a split second when it seemed to hesitate and Shaun squeezed
the trigger.
The squirrel's head exploded in a messy and somewhat disgusting display. It
wasn't very sporting of Shaun to be hunting tiny animals with his rifle, but he
didn't feel like being fair at the moment.
And what did it matter anyway? He would have killed it either way.
This way, the stupid little thing was sent to hell just a little sooner.
Shaun spent the rest of the afternoon in a similar manner. Usually, he would
have taken his best kills home with him so Ruth could cook them up, but he
didn't feel like going back home.
As the sun began to set and Shaun grew hungrier and more tired, the sullen boy
began to notice that he was heading in a very familiar direction, almost
without thought. Though it couldn't have been without at least some
subconscious decision, because Shaun was heading towards an area he knew very
well didn't have a lot of game and the very reason there wasn't was because it
was so often populated with humans.
The clearing behind Mr. Jay's farm was the local teenage hangout. There were
always parties going on there, as long as the weather permitted, and sometimes
even when it didn't.
Shaun had never been invited to one of the parties there, but he watched them
sometimes, just to see what all the fuss was about.
It was pretty run of the mill stuff, drinking, smoking, girls socializing, boys
fighting, couples making out.
By the time Shaun arrived it was kind of late. He was starting to shiver from
the cold, exhaustion and hunger, but he'd already spotted Jesse and there was
no way he was leaving without getting a good look.
Absently lighting a cigarette in a pathetic attempt to warm up, Shaun watched
Jesse talk with his friends.
Shaun had spent the last few hours trying not to think about Jesse, but he had
been anyway.
He'd sort of pictured Jesse bored and glum faced at the stupid party. He'd
imagined the redhead wishing Shaun was there with him, the two of them having
some stupid inane conversation.
But of course this was real life and Jesse didn't look bored. On the contrary,
he looked like he was having a great time. Shaun couldn't hear what was being
said, but he felt stupidly self-conscious. Jesse looked like he was telling
everyone a story or something and when they started laughing, Shaun got the
distinct feeling Jesse had been talking about him.
He glared at the redhead, trying to imagine what stupid and embarrassing things
he could be telling his little friends about him.
And then Jesse looked over at him… right at him. Shaun stood his ground,
raising his chin and determinedly staring the redhead down, but Jesse only
stared blankly back.
Maybe Jesse couldn't see him after all. Shaun considered moving out into the
light, so he could, but he didn't really want everyone's attention on him. Just
Jesse's, he thought bitterly.
After a few moments of Shaun staring at Jesse and Jesse looking intently at
apparently nothing, Kyle, a fag who just so happened to be the little brother
of the town's only drug dealer, appeared, startling Jesse and drawing his
attention away. Shaun stayed just long enough to watch Jesse start smoking,
then he turned and headed home.
***
Shaun woke up the next morning, sprawled across his bed.
He'd opened a fresh new cut on his thigh the night before and was displeased to
find he'd bled through the rag he'd tied around it.
Already in a horrible mood, Shaun tore the sheet off his bed, crumpled it up
and threw it in his closet. He'd try to wash the blood out later. Hopefully
tomorrow, when Ruth and Eli went to church. If he was home by tomorrow morning,
that was.
Shaun got dressed, taking a few minutes to crudely wrap some gauze around his
leg. It was already three in the afternoon, and Shaun had stuff to do today.
He got some cereal from the kitchen and ate it in the living room, enjoying the
relative silence of the house. He turned on the TV, watching some old black and
white movie with disinterest.
"Morning, son." Eli appeared, sitting on the couch beside him.
The sullen boy grunted in greeting.
"You were out pretty late last night." Shaun's grandfather casually observed,
watching Shaun eat with half lidded eyes.
"So."
"Your grandmother was upset."
"I can't help that." Shaun said, prematurely shrugging off any blame or guilt.
"She said the school called yesterday. Told her about some prank you pulled in
Chemistry."
"For fucks sake…" Shaun muttered, shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.
He was considering getting up and leaving the room, but he tended to at least
listen to what Eli had to say. He was one of the only people who seemed to care
about him, even though Ruth must have as well. Most people didn't bitch at you
unless they gave a shit.
"I won't lecture you." Eli said, which was practically music to Shaun's ears,
but then he had to go and ruin it by doing just that. "But you've got to clean
your act up, Shaun. It tears Ruthie up every time she hears about you getting
into trouble. You know what it reminds her of."
"That's not my fault either!" Shaun cried, nearly throwing the rest of his
cereal at the damned TV. "Tell her to fucking forget about him if bothers her
so much. I fucking have!"
"Shaun…"
"Fuck you. I don't have to listen to this." Shaun stomped to the kitchen,
dumping the rest of his breakfast in the sink. "I'm going out." He yelled
before he escaped out the back door.
His guitar was in the garage as it was the only place Ruth allowed him to play
it. Shaun grabbed up the case and amp and dragged the whole lot of it to Eli's
beat up Ford. He shoved everything in the back and climbed in. As always, the
keys were just sitting in the ignition. Shaun started the shitty car, backed
down out onto the road, slammed the car into drive and gunned it to 60.
***
It was quite a drive to Will's house. It was almost 45 minutes away in the next
town.
Will was the lead singer of Execute Invasion, Shaun's band. They normally
practiced every Saturday, unless they had a gig, then they'd find other days of
the week to practice.
Technically practice wouldn't start until sometime after six. Will tended to
get drunk Friday nights so he liked a later practice schedule. Danny had a kid
to take care of and Ben had a girlfriend to please, so everyone else had
agreed.
Shaun hated his bandmates with varying degrees of intensity, but would have
rather been there practicing with them than at school or at home with his
grandparents. So he headed over despite the early hour.
He did like music though. He loved it actually. It was the one thing that never
disappointed, or let him down. It was brutal and awesome and he felt
untouchable when he was playing.
That effect was multiplied when he had someone decent to play with. The band,
for example, were all pretty good. He was the best skill wise, or at least he
liked to think so. The others were all getting up there in age though, and they
weren't as committed. They had day jobs and everything.
Will, the second youngest at 29, was the only one who'd had some sort of
success.
He'd been a lead singer in another band about 5 years ago. They'd gotten signed
to a small, but respectable label and they'd toured around the country for a
few years. Eventually, the constant touring got to the young band though. Will
overdosed on a cocktail of drugs and had to spend time in rehab. As the band
grew more and more out of control, they'd started to lose money, gigs, fans,
left and right. Before too long, the label dropped them and the whole thing
fell apart.
When he was really drunk, Will sometimes talked about how good the old days
were. It was pretty sad and Shaun definitely had his doubts about hooking up
with the washed up singer, but like Shaun had told Jesse, there really weren't
a lot of death metal bands out here. And most of them weren't hiring anyway.
So he stuck with the washed up has-beens because getting paid to play guitar
was a pretty sweet deal and he liked playing either way so why not?
Will's front door was open when Shaun arrived, so he walked straight inside.
He'd cooled down on the ride over, but he was still kind of thinking a beer or
maybe something a little stronger would mellow him out a bit more.
"Hey." Shaun greeted vaguely was he passed Will on his way into the kitchen.
Will had a shitty house, a little one bedroom deal with an attached heated
garage that they used as a practice space. He was slumped on the couch, half
awake, watching porn.
"What are you doing here?" Will asked groggily. He was half naked, only a
stained pair of briefs covering him. He casually scratched his hairy stomach.
"Practice isn't for like…3 hours!"
"I had to get out the house." Shaun grunted, returning to the living room with
a can of beer he'd swiped from the refrigerator.
Will rolled his eyes, knowing just enough about Shaun's home life to know it
was better not to ask questions. He reluctantly moved over, making room for
Shaun to sit on the sagging couch.
There were two girls on the TV, both blonds, getting fucked up the ass by an
enormous black cock.
"I fucked a groupie like that once." Will said after several minutes of
silence, interrupted only by the sounds of sex. "Not the one with the little
tits… that one." The older man pointed to the blond with slightly bigger
breasts and smiled, slow and sleazy like. "Yeah… her."
"Really?" Shaun wasn't really all that interested. He'd heard numerous stories
of Will's past lays and had never been all that impressed to begin with.
"Yeah. Just wait until we're big enough to have groupies… maybe we could
finally get you laid." Will sniggered at his own joke while Shaun continued to
glare at the TV, draining the rest of his beer in one gulp and getting up for
another.
"Tsk, don't drink it all, kid. Unless you wanna pay for some for once."
"Whatever." Shaun huffed, getting another drink regardless of what the singer
said.
Hanging out with Will wasn't exactly a fun experience. He either insisted on
talking about himself or making lame jokes at Shaun's expense.
At first it pissed Shaun off royally and he was itching to hit the smug asshole
in the face, but after a couple beers, he didn't really care anymore.
Luckily, before too long, Will disappeared into the back to take a shower and
get dressed. Shaun took the opportunity to raid his pantry for food.
Eventually, the other guys showed up.
"What's up, man." Ben greeted as he came in. He glanced around the dim living
room before he took a seat next to Shaun on the couch, thumping him on the back
in a friendly way.
"Same old shit." Shaun said back, smiling slightly. Ben was his favorite band
member and probably the only person he could really call a friend. They didn't
have much in common besides the band and similar tastes in music, and the only
time they ever hung out was during practice and when the band went out
together, but he was a nice guy.
"Tell me about it. At least you don't have a girlfriend nagging your ear off."
Ben said before launching into another horror story involving his girlfriend,
her parents, and the approaching wedding. That's right. Shaun kept forgetting
he was engaged now.
"Don't get married." Will said, finally reappearing from the other room. "Girls
are nothing but trouble."
"They fuck with the music." Shaun added.
"Damn right they do." Will agreed enthusiastically. "That's why I let little
Shaun here play instead of that other fuck head, Hank. Shaun won't be getting
any girls anytime soon." He laughed, once again making fun of Shaun and his
limited prowess.
"Dude, lay off, ok." Ben said, sending Shaun an apologetic look.
"Fuck you." Shaun said absently. He fucked girls. Maybe not as many as Will
had, the man had been in a headlining band, for fucks sake! And maybe not as
much as Ben… or Danny… but that didn't mean he hadn't been with any girls. He'd
had sex before, he reassured himself.  
"Hiya douchebags." Danny strolled in, late as usual. "We gonna practice or
what?"
As they set up in the garage Will told them about their gig next Saturday. They
were playing another crappy bar and were being paid very little, but apparently
Will had a deal with the owner and they could have as many drinks as they liked
afterwards. The owner must not know how much they could put away. Will alone
could outdrink the rest of the band and they were no slouches when it came to
alcohol.
"We'll practice on Friday then." Will said decisively. He'd put a shirt on and
ran his fingers through his longish brown hair. He was pretty attractive when
he tried, which always got them a few pleased looks from the girls in the
audience. But  when they started playing it was usually a different story. Will
didn't have the best voice for death metal, it was definitely loud, but it was
a little too screechy to do anything but clash disharmoniously with the music.
"Shit, man. I'm supposed to have Troy Friday night." Danny said from behind his
drum kit. "Can we practice earlier?"
"Fuck you and your fucking kid." Will groused, receiving a raised eyebrow from
Danny. Will sighed. "How early?"
"I don't know. Before he gets out of school."
"I've got school." Shaun reminded the rest of the band, feeling pissed off that
they never seemed to remember he was only 17.
"Give it up dude, you're never gonna get out of that place." Danny poked his
drumstick in Shaun's direction. "You should drop out already. I could get you a
job at Wal-Mart."
Ben rolled his eyes at the old conversation, but didn't butt in. His long
fingers plucked restlessly at the strings of his bass.
"I can be here early." Shaun grunted just to get Danny to shut up.
"Fine." Will said quickly and all talk stopped as they finally began to play.
They went through their entire set list three different times. It felt good to
be playing again. They all sounded reasonably good for a band playing in a
garage, but the normal level of calm didn't come to him today. For some reason
when he threw his head back, eyes closed, nimble fingers dancing along the
fretboard, his mind wasn't as blissfully clear as it usually was when he was
immersed in the music.
Jesse's round, freckled face appeared in his mind's eye. Full pink lips curving
around a smile, that ridiculous red hair of his mussed and sticking up in the
back, his blue eyes warm…
For once, Shaun was glad when practice was over and when Will offered to take
everyone out to the bar a few blocks away. He eagerly agreed.
They got a booth in the back of the perpetually dark bar and got comfortable.
The seats were made of cheap plastic and the table was sticky with old beer,
but nobody seemed to notice. Will ordered several rounds in quick succession
and Shaun allowed himself to get completely wasted within the hour.
Something was wrong with him. Why couldn't he get Jesse out of his head?
Maybe he needed to bleed some more to force the sunny redhead out of his
thoughts. It had worked last night. His sleep had been deep and without the
pesky interruption of dreams.
At least he was a quiet drunk and he was able to keep his troubles to himself.
Most of them.
"You ok?" Ben asked once Will and Danny had gone up to the bar to chat up some
girls. It was just the two of them now, Shaun and Ben. "You're
acting…different," the bassist said carefully.
"…What?" He was acting different? How was he acting different? Shaun looked
around as if there would be a precise list of all the ways in which he was
different than usual. Besides the whole, constantly thinking and obsessing over
a random red-haired boy, he didn't think he was acting any differently.
Ben didn't seem to know what it was about Shaun that was different either,
because he only shrugged. "You're not letting Will get to you again, are you?"
Shaun sneered at the mention of the lead singer even though he'd been sitting
amicably next to him for the past 2 hours. "Don't fuck him up again, dude, I
really need the money from this next gig."
"I'm not gonna beat him up." Shaun snapped.
Surprisingly, that didn't seem to make Ben feel any better. "Maybe you
shouldn't drink so much." He pointed out.
"Fuck… you."
Ben sighed. "Just trying to help." This wasn't the first time Shaun insisted on
being stubborn and they'd all learned early on to just leave him alone when he
didn't want to talk. So Shaun watched blearily eyed as Ben gave up on him and
leaned back in the booth crossing his arms.
Unfortunately for Danny and Will, they were both too drunk to be picking up
girls and after multiple rejections they were more or less thrown out of the
bar. The four of them all stumbled back to Will's house for lack of anything
better to do.
The rest of the night was a blur for Shaun. He remembered watching more porn
with the guys before Angela, Ben's girlfriend, showed up right in the middle
and dragged Ben off, yelling and threatening to call the wedding off. He
remembered Will telling him and Danny about the time he got busted for sneaking
cocaine over the border and laughing and laughing so hard he'd felt like his
chest was going to explode. He remembered Danny giving him a joint filled with
something that probably wasn't 'just' weed like he'd promised it was and puking
all over the floor 20 minutes after smoking it. The last thing he remembered
was1 Will and Danny arguing drunkenly over who was going to clean it up before
he'd passed out on the couch.
There was still puke on the floor when Shaun woke up the next day and he
narrowly avoided stepping in it on his way to the bathroom.
About 50 percent of the time he ended up crashing at Will's place Saturday
night. The only time he didn't stay was when Will and Danny found girls for the
night. It was always awkward sitting around and waiting for them to finish
fucking some random chick.
Once Will had convinced one of their random pickups to fuck him and knowing
he'd be teased mercilessly if he didn't, Shaun had agreed. Having two other
guys watch him lose his virginity with a girl so drunk she had passed out right
in the middle had been humiliating to say the least. It hadn't even felt good.
He tried to avoid a repeat performance ever since it had happened.
Shaun threw up again in the bathroom and felt so horrible that after grabbing a
few towels to throw over the mess he'd made on the floor, he went into the
kitchen to get more beer, hair of the dog and all that. It was the only way
Shaun knew of to get rid of hangovers.
Danny was gone and Will was asleep in his bedroom. Shaun hung out for a while,
watching TV and drinking. Eventually Will stumbled out of his room. He looked
surprised to see Shaun sprawled out in his living room.
"Don't you have somewhere else to be, man?" Will prodded.
Shaun shrugged.
"Well, if you're going to hang around, at least clean this shit up." The lead
singer nodded towards the towel covered vomit on the floor, disappearing into
the bathroom. Realizing that now was probably the best time to leave, Shaun
mustered up the energy to drive the 45 minutes back to his house.
By the time he got back it was dinner time. He'd stopped at McDonald and got
something from the drive thru though, so he stalked past the kitchen table,
ignoring his grandparents who were in the midst of another roast.
"So nice of you to drop in." Ruth bitched, apparently missing the fact that
Shaun wasn't listening to her.
The sullen teenager went straight to his room, slamming the door and turning
his music on. Shaun had sulking down to an art. Brooding, slamming doors and
playing obnoxiously loud music was his forte.
Doubly irritated, Shaun noticed signs that his grandma had been poking around
in his room again. The room was full of that awful flowery smell Ruth liked to
spray around the house. The bed was freshly made, and the clothes Shaun had
been storing on the floor were now clean and folded on top of his dresser. The
bloody sheet was gone.
Shaun sat down on the edge of his bed, suddenly feeling exhausted. He'd been
lying around all day, but he'd never felt more tired.
Suddenly, there was knock on his door.
"Shaun?" Eli's voice drifted through the door. "Aren't you hungry?"
The miserable boy didn't answer, staring blankly at the wall.
Now that he was back home he was realizing how stupid he was being. He'd spent
this whole weekend trying to forget about Jesse, to stop thinking about him,
drowning his sunny face from his thoughts with alcohol and various illegal
substances and what was really pathetic was that Shaun knew Jesse hadn't
thought about him once the entire weekend. He knew with a bone deep certainty
that Jesse had hung out with his new friends and hadn't spared him a single
moment of consideration the entire weekend.
"Shaun, can I come in?" Eli asked, jiggling the door handle.
"Just leave me alone." Shaun finally answered, this thoughts hovering around
him in a dark and dismal cloud. The alcohol he'd previously consumed only made
everything that much worse. He kind of felt like throwing up again.
"…You know I can't do that Shaun. We… we all need to sit down and have a talk."
Eli said, still talking through the door. "I'm just going to come in—"
Feeling a spike of white hot anger erupt from a horrible place deep inside him,
Shaun leapt to his feet, reaching the door in less than two steps. He jerked
the door open, glaring heatedly at his grandfather's concerned face.
"If you don't leave me the fuck alone, I swear to god I'll murder you!" He
yelled, a bit of spittle landing on his bottom lip with the force of his words.
Eli shrunk back, frowning. "Son—"
"I'm not your fucking son!" Shaun screamed, his nostrils flaring, his eyes
bright with fury. He kicked the door shut in Eli's face, stomping over to his
stereo once he was sure he wouldn't be bothered and turning the music all the
way up. He curled up on his bed and let himself wallow in his own pity.
He was pathetic… a disgusting freak that had no business being alive. He hated
himself. He wished for the umpteenth time that he was dead.
That'd show all those stuck up pussies at school.
Instead of finally slitting his wrists and bleeding himself to death like he so
often thought about, he smoked the last of his pot.
He made a mental note to talk to Kyle about getting more as he drifted into
unconsciousness. He passed out cold.
***
"Are you going to school?"
Shaun was roused from a deep sleep by the sound of Ruth's voice. He was face
down on his bed, drooling slightly, one leg hanging off the end of the bed. He
rolled on his side, peering at his grandma who stood in the doorway, her arms
folded sternly.
"I know what you've been up to." She hissed, her eyes narrowing. "You need to
pray for forgiveness."
"Ugh," Shaun grunted and rubbed his face against the bedspread. It was too
early for this shit…
"I won't let you turn out like your father." Ruth continued in her doom and
gloom voice. "You're going to school today. And you're coming to church with me
Wednesday. You won't turn into a delinquent… at least not while I'm around."
"Grandma—"
"Take a shower, put some clean clothes on and comb your hair, Shaun. I have
breakfast ready for you." Ruth threw her grandson a heated look before she left
the room.
Rolling his eyes, Shaun got up and went to the bathroom to piss. He had another
hangover, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it had been the day before. He sniffed
absently under his arms as he stood in front of the toilet. He didn't smell too
bad and he was in a pretty lazy mood, so he skipped his shower. He ran his
fingers through his tangled and frizzy hair, but that only made it worse. He
didn't bother changing his clothes. They were basically clean.
Ruth didn't comment when he came into the kitchen looking like he's spent the
night before completely wasted. She set a glass of orange juice down on the
table next to a plate of scrambled eggs and toast.
"Not hungry." He said simply, though he did grab the juice. It tasted better
than morning breath anyway.
Looking displeased, Ruth handed Shaun his lunch and his bag. "I'd better not
get another call from the school." She said crossly.
Shaun grunted, heading out the back door. He had to wait for about 10 minutes,
but he finally spotted the bus coming down the road. Sighing heavily, he got on
trying to ignore the happy little flutter he got in the pit of his stomach when
he saw Jesse sitting in the back, waving at him excitedly.
"Hey!" Jesse chirped, way too fucking excited for a Monday. "Oh… you ok?"
Shaun sat in his customary seat at the back of the bus, absently raising a hand
to rub his throbbing head.
"Hangover." He muttered.
"Oh!" Jesse leapt up, abandoning his bag as he came to sit in the seat, right
next to Shaun. "You were drinking on a school night?"
Shaun shrugged, looking cautiously into Jesse's pretty blue eyes.
"Let me see…" Jesse gently touched Shaun's cheek, turning his face so he could
look deeper into Shaun's eyes. "Jeez…What the fuck were you doing last night?"
The redhead smiled slyly, looking impressed.
Shaun knocked Jesse's hand away, fighting a blush. What was wrong with Jesse
anyway? Why did he always insist on touching him?
"It was a long weekend." Shaun said with a shrug, looking away.
"Really? I didn't do barely anything." Jesse whined.
"You went to a party." Shaun reminded the other boy gruffly, remembering how
very well he knew that little fact.
"Yeah, I did." Jesse shifted slightly so his shoulder rested against Shaun's.
Shaun's immediate thought was to shove the other boy off of him, call him a fag
and send him back to his own seat, but the redhead didn't seem to notice the
small contact. It was like this was a normal occurrence with him. And it really
wasn't such a big deal, Shaun admitted grudgingly, concentrating a little more
than was healthy on the feel of Jesse's arm pressed against his.
"I had to babysit all day Saturday though." Jesse was saying, pouting. "My mom
was kind of pissed that I stayed out so late. I think she was punishing me. I
mean, there was no reason for her to be out all day long." The redhead rolled
his eyes. "And I went to church Sunday with Emily and Kenny. I guess Kenny is
kind of an asshole when it comes to Emily dating, so I just wanted to get some
more face time in with him, so he'll see what a totally nice guy I am."
"What?" Jesse went to church? And he was already planning to ask Emily out? How
much worse could things get?
"You don't think I should go out with Emily?" Jesse asked, misinterpreting
Shaun's question. "She's kind of cute."
"She's a fucking bitch." Shaun growled, hoping vainly that he'd put Jesse off
his insane plan to date the preppy little whore.
Unexpectedly, Jesse laughed. "She's not so bad."
Shaun turned to the window with a huff. Stupid Jesse, ignoring Shaun's sagely
advice.
"So are you going to tell me about your weekend now that you've gotten to
critique mine?" The redhead asked after a moment, sounding amused. He poked
Shaun in the side to get his attention.
Shaun did push him away this time, glaring angrily at the other boy. "Why are
you so obsessed with what I'm doing all the time?" He asked sharply, purposely
forgetting that he had spent the whole weekend trying not to be obsessed over
the other boy.
"I already told you. We're friends." Jesse poked Shaun again, this time on his
knee. It kind of tickled and the only way he was able to stifle his smile was
to slap Jesse's hand away.
"Quit it." He grunted. "And we never agreed to be friends."
"Yes we did. We said… well you said you 'guessed' we could be friends." Jesse
reminded him. "That's practically an iron clad agreement."
Shaun rolled his eyes, but when he glanced down at Jesse's eager face he found
himself not really wanting to refuse him.
"If it's so important to you, I went hunting on Friday, practiced with my band
Saturday and spent Sunday drinking and smoking so I wouldn't have to deal with
a really bad hangover from Saturday." Shaun said as blandly as possible.
Jesse grinned. "That sounds awesome. I bet you guys are really good."
"What the fuck… how do you figure that?" Shaun asked, amused yet again. Jesse
had a way of doing that.
"I don't know. I can't imagine you sucking at anything you do."
"Fuck you." What the fuck was with Jesse and his continual flattery? Shaun
wasn't some girl that needed to be constantly fawned over. As revenge, Shaun
poked Jesse back, doing it meanly and as roughly as possible in the middle of
Jesse's stomach. Refusing to do what Shaun wanted, the redhead squirmed and
laughed.
"I'm ticklish!" He gasped, flailing around in the small seat as Shaun continued
to poke him. He'd been irritated when Jesse seemed to simply enjoy the pokes,
but after watching him for a few moments, Shaun was quickly on the verge of
laughter as well.
However, when the little redhead more or less threw himself into Shaun's lap,
giggling like a madman Shaun withdrew his hand, a little shocked by Jesse's
indecent response. He shoved the other boy back onto his own side of the seat.
Jesse didn't seem to mind all the rough handling. In fact, when he managed to
get himself under control he flashed a brilliant grin up at Shaun, his eyes
sparkling with mirth.
"Jesus Christ." Shaun muttered, turning towards the window to hide his blush.
Jesse leaned his head on Shaun's shoulder. His fucking SHOULDER! Like some girl
cuddling up to her boyfriend!
"Let's do something after school, ok?" Jesse said casually, as if he weren't
acting like a huge faggot. "If you don't mind kids, maybe you can come over and
help me babysit."
"…I'm not fucking gay, alright." Shaun sputtered, horrified by that fact that
Jesse seemed to be coming on to him.
"Ah… ok. Who said you were?"
Shaun glared down at the redhead, making himself comfortable as he snuggled
into Shaun's side. "You're all fucking over me!" Shaun hissed, embarrassed that
he had to point it out, however he never thought to simply push Jesse away
again. It just didn't occur to him.
"Oh." Jesse blinked, slowly and purposefully straightening up until they were
no longer touching. Shaun scowled darkly, annoyed at his sudden flash of regret
at Jesse's retreat.
"Sorry, I'm just used to hanging out with my little brother, I guess. He's just
a kid, ya know. He's always climbing up in your lap and shit." Jesse excused
himself.
A little weirded out by that comment, Shaun glanced up towards the front of the
bus where Jesse's little brother was talking with two little middle school
girls, Natasha and Maggie. The kid didn't look young enough to be climbing in
anyone's lap. As he was surveying Jesse's little brother, whose name he'd
forgotten, he noticed Kenny and Emily and the rest of their little gang sitting
in their usual seats near the front. Sometime during Shaun's and Jesse's
rousing conversation, they'd gotten on the bus. Kenny and Rick were glaring
daggers at Shaun while Emily watched her precious little Jesse with longing
that made Shaun feel itchy.
He smirked at them, glad that he'd inadvertently beaten those stuck up brats
for once. His smirk faded when he wondered if Emily knew Jesse was going to ask
her out.
"So…Do you want to do something tonight?"
"What?" Shaun was brought back to the conversation with a jolt.
"Do you wanna hang out after school?" Jesse reiterated, looking amused.
"I ah…" Shaun stalled, not sure what to say. Jesse was still acting like a fag
and Shaun definitely wasn't into that, but he also wanted very much to hang out
with him, if he was being completely honest with himself. Nobody bothered to
try to get close to him. Even his bandmates only did it out of familiarity and
necessity. Jesse had no such obligations, but he still wanted to be his friend.
Shaun knew it probably wasn't healthy to be sneaking around, spying on Jesse
and then spending an entire weekend, drunk, trying to keep his thoughts from
running over the little redhead again and again, but maybe, finally, something
just clicked into place and for once, Shaun decided he'd take a chance.
"I mean, I can't imagine that hanging out and watching me babysit, sounds fun—"
Jesse was saying, already sure Shaun was going to refuse.
"I'll come over, I guess."
"…Really?" Jesse grinned.
"Yeah." Shaun said with a shrug.
"Great! We could… we could play X-box or watch TV or—"
"Or whatever." Shaun was a little disturbed by how eager Jesse seemed to be
having him over, he also couldn't help but to be pleased as well. Nobody was
ever excited to be with him, but Jesse was.
"Yeah or whatever." Jesse grinned at him, poking Shaun in the side again and
smiling. Feeling like a fool for doing it and for a second, not really caring,
Shaun poked Jesse back, smirking when the redhead gasped and started giggling.
Somehow, all the anguish he'd put himself through over the weekend melted away
and all that was left was a seriously unhealthy longing for the day to hurry up
and be over with so he could go and hang out with his stupid, stubbornly
attached new friend.
Shaun's morning classes were largely uneventful. He sat through English,
pleased with the hateful looks he garnered from Kenny. The kid seemed to be
under the impression that just because Jesse had walked with Shaun from the bus
to the school without once seeking him and his little friends out, that that
meant Jesse had abandoned them in favor of Shaun.
The sullen boy wished that was the case, but Jesse had been chattering happily
about his weekend again, talking about Kenny and Jordan and Emily. He'd also
brought up Kyle, which reminded Shaun about his dwindling pot supplies. He
decided he'd go and talk to the kid sometime before he went to Jesse's house
that night.
Miss Stevens was harping on about poetry again and Shaun, bored by her speech,
carved the word 'die' onto his desktop for lack of anything better to do.
Science class brought a marked improvement. Jesse's eyes lit up when he came
into the room and saw Shaun sitting at their usual table. Shaun hated how much
that one little look from the redhead nearly made him do something as stupid as
smile.
"Hey there." Jesse said as he sat beside Shaun.
Shaun grunted his greeting, but that hardly deterred Jesse.
When class started Mr. Barnes strode to the board, beginning his lecture
without preamble. Jesse immediately passed him a note.
It wasn't anything really important, just some silly ramblings about his first
period math class and how he didn't like that snob Jordan, but the thought that
Jesse had been spending their hour apart storing up things to tell him made him
ridiculously smug. He tried not to show it however, adding something about his
English class and complaining briefly about how Miss Stevens was always
insisting he was this great writer.
Mr. Barnes kept throwing them displeased looks, but he never caught them
passing notes.
"So… are you sure you don't want to sit at my table during lunch?" Jesse asked
after class as they packed up and headed to history.
"Fuck no." Shaun threw Jesse a shocked look, surprised that the other boy even
had to ask.
"I just…" Jesse hesitated. "Never mind." He shook his head and Shaun scowled
slightly. And here it was. Jesse was already tired of choosing between him and
his friends. How long would it take before the little redhead got it through
his head that Shaun and the other kids just didn't mix and he'd give up and
Shaun would be alone again.
Shaun started walking faster, pissed off and irritated at the inevitable, but
Jesse rather boldly grabbed his arm.
"I will see you later, right?" Jesse asked.
Scowling, Shaun ripped his arm out of Jesse's grip. "I said I'd come over,
didn't I?"
"Well… I'm just making sure." Jesse replied, sounding slightly exasperated. "I
mean, I probably won't get to talk to you for the rest of the day, right?"
"Fuck off." Shaun grumbled halfheartedly, turning and walking the rest of the
way to history class, Jesse trailing after him meekly.
Jesse had been right of course. Not that Shaun had exactly been opposing him.
Shaun kept his distance from the redhead once Jesse rejoined his friends.
The other boy waved at Shaun as he left history with Emily, a wistful look on
his face, but other than that, he didn't approach Shaun the rest of day.
Shaun wasn't upset though. Not like he'd been last week anyway.
He watched Jesse talk with his admirers, ignoring the triumphant look Kenny
threw at him during lunch. Kenny obviously had no idea that Jesse had invited
him to his house after school. Shaun was invited… not Kenny and that utterly
nullified the jock's smug self-assurance.
Gym was more of the same. Shaun could tell Jesse wanted to come and talk to
him, but he was easily distracted by a conversation with Eric and Kenny.
Finally the end of the day came around. Instead of escaping immediately and
walking home like usual, Shaun stopped by Kyle's locker.
"Hey." Shaun rudely greeted the other boy.
"You looking for something, sweetie?" Kyle asked pleasantly.
He always said weird stuff like that. And he always smiled in that sly and
disgusting way that Shaun had long ago realized was supposed to be flirty. If
he didn't like Kyle's weed so much, he would have castrated the sick fuck years
ago. But he needed him.
"You know what I want." Shaun said, crossing his arms across his chest.
"Well, you know I don't have it here." Kyle said with a smile. "I'll bring you
some after school, ok hun?"
Shaun grunted.
Kyle was an interesting breed. Not only was he a closet gay and a drug dealer,
he was also a conniving snake.
Their mutual history started back in middle school when Shaun had first started
buying from him. After a few successful transactions, Kyle had struck up a
friendship between them.
Shaun had been young and naïve then. He'd been glad to have someone who didn't
regard him with fear and disgust and had welcomed the other boy's friendship
with… well a little less hostility than he had Jesse's; for he'd never been
trusting boy, even in his younger years.
Anyways, it hadn't been long before Kyle had been confining some pretty heavy
secrets with Shaun. Telling him about how he and his stepdad fucked around when
his mom wasn't home. How he liked to get high and have several of his stepdad's
such-inclined friends fuck him.
Kyle told Shaun all about his newfound love of cock, oh, and also that he was
pretty sure he was a raving homosexual.
Shaun had been grossed out by the things Kyle told him, who wouldn't have been?
But since Shaun hadn't had the best childhood either, he'd tried not to let it
bother him. So, like a good friend, Shaun had kept Kyle's secret.
They talked sometimes during school, and when Shaun needed to buy, they'd see
each other after school, as well. They didn't do much else, though, because
Kyle was usually busy at home, doing things Shaun was happy not to know about.
Shaun kept waiting for Kyle to ask him about his secrets, the ones all the
kids, even the adults, whispered about behind his back, but he never did.
Shaun soon realized it was because Kyle wasn't interested in anything he had to
say. It was what he wasn't interested in saying that had caught Kyle's
attention.
One day, Kyle had asked Shaun to fuck him.
Shaun had been embarrassed and frankly disgusted by his so-called friend's
casual offer of sex. After all the things Kyle had told him, Shaun couldn't
even imagine putting his dick anywhere near the other boy.
He'd flat-out refused, thinking that'd be the end of it.
Kyle had been enraged though.
"Nobody likes you."  he'd said nastily."You should be grateful I'd even
consider you."
He'd threatened to tell everybody that Shaun was a faggot and that he'd tried
to rape him, which was pretty ironic as that was basically what Kyle was trying
to do to him. But there was no point in reversing the threat.
Kyle had friends. He was popular – well, more popular than Shaun – and he had
the protection of his dealer brother.
People liked Kyle.
And Kyle was right. Nobody liked Shaun. No one was going to believe him, the
freak everyone loved to hate.
Finding out that the only reason anyone had ever wanted him, in any capacity,
was because he could keep his mouth shut was a humiliating – and not to mention
humbling – revelation. But still, Shaun had refused.
Kyle had dropped the friend act immediately after, but he never followed
through with his threat. Apparently Kyle liked the idea of being known as a fag
almost as much as Shaun did. He wasn't going to risk his name getting dirtied
alongside Shaun's.
Shaun had become embittered by Kyle's betrayal and had tried to stay away from
the other boy. After a few months of not speaking though, Shaun had crawled
back to the other boy, looking to buy.
Thus the mocking flirtation and the silly name calling had started, of course
only when they were alone, but nevertheless it grated on Shaun's nerves.
Just thinking about it pissed Shaun off and he was almost glad for the boring
walk home. He listened to his music, distracting himself by wondering what
Jesse had planned for the night. Besides the band, he'd never hung out with
anyone else before. Kyle, trying to be funny or something, had asked him out
numerous times, but Shaun had never accepted.
At least he knew Jesse would appreciate the pot.
Shaun had walked a little too fast, unconsciously eager to get home so he could
go over to Jesse's place. He had to sit around in the garage for a while until
the bus went past before he could go inside.
"Shaun?"
Ruth's voice was coming from the back of the house.
"Yeah, it's me." Shaun tracked his grandma to the living room. She was patching
a hole on a pair of Eli's work pants.
"How was your day?"
Shaun rolled his eyes. "Wonderful."
"No trouble?"
"None."
"Good." Ruth peered at the dour boy. "You're to stay inside today. I don't want
you out there doing God knows what."
"I'm going to my friend's house today." Shaun said, his eyes narrowing to
slits.
Ruth responded in kind. "Is that so?"
"Yeah."
"Don't make me ground you, boy." Ruth said after a minute of the two of them
staring each other down.
"Fuck off." Shaun sneered, turning on his heel and heading back to his room.
"You come back here, you little shit!" Ruth yelled after him, but they both
knew he wasn't going to. She didn't even come after him.
Shaun dumped his bag in the corner of his room and went to crouch next to his
bed. He felt around underneath it, looking for his box.
Feeling the hard edge of the metal, Shaun yanked it out, flipping the lid.
The sullen boy didn't have a lot of things that he cared about, and besides his
guitar most of them resided in the box he currently held. He didn't look at any
of the items, pushing them roughly aside. What he'd wanted was the neat little
stack of bills, one of the few remnants of his parents.
He pulled out a 50.
"Shaun?" Ruth knocked impatiently on the door. "I don't want you going out!"
But Shaun ignored her. He quickly shoved the box back under his bed before
straightening up. He went to his bedroom window, unlatched it and pushed it
open.
"Shaun!"
"Leave me the fuck alone!" Shaun yelled after his grandmother. He dropped out
his window and into the bushes below.
Ruth didn't follow him and Shaun went to wait out by the road, sitting on the
shoulder of the dusty asphalt.
It took a while, maybe 45 minutes tops. He even got to watch the elementary
school bus go past. But eventually Kyle's old Cadillac came rumbling down the
road, pulling partway into Shaun's driveway.
"What are you doing out here?" Kyle got out of his car, hanging out the
driver's side and peering at Shaun over the hood.
"Waiting." Shaun said as he got up and dusted his jeans off. "Give me the
usual."
"Well, right to business then." Kyle said. He disappeared back inside his car,
returning with a baggie of merchandise.
"Do you have some papers too?"
Kyle raised an eyebrow, but nodded nonetheless. Once Kyle had all the stuff
sitting on the hood of the car, Shaun leaned across and snatched it up, leaving
the 50 behind.
"Always nice doing business with you, hun." Kyle smiled flirtatiously as he
pocketed the money.
"Yeah." Shaun grunted. He rolled the baggie up and shoved it in his back pocket
alongside the rolling papers. He nodded wordlessly at the other boy before he
turned and started to walk towards Jesse's.
"Where are you going?" Kyle called after him. "Need a ride?"
"No." Shaun said easily, continuing down the road. He thought he was off the
hook when he heard Kyle get back in his car, but when the Cadillac pulled up
beside him and the window rolled down, Shaun scowled.
"I know where you're going." Kyle said, sounding smug. "You're going to the new
kid's house. Aren't you?"
"So what if I am?"
Kyle smiled. "Get in, honey."
"For fuck's sake…" Shaun got in the car, slamming the door as hard as he
possibly could. "Happy now?!" He cried, folding his arms across his chest.
"Very." Kyle grinned at him, his eyes half lidded and full of something that
made Shaun distinctly uncomfortable.
It was a very short ride as Jesse's house was barely a mile away. But Kyle
drove just under the speed limit, irritating the other boy with how obviously
he was stretching out their shared time together. Shaun didn't say anything,
even though he wanted to reach across the seat and strangle the conniving
little faggot.
"So Jesse likes you, huh?" Kyle asked at last. They were almost there and Shaun
could see Jesse's house just out of reach. He should have gotten out of the car
and walked. Ran maybe, but now he had to answer Kyle. He didn't want him
thinking Shaun was afraid.
"What if he does?" Shaun snarled, angry at the implications in Kyle's stupid
question.
Kyle shrugged. "You're a likeable guy." He said sarcastically. "I mean, I like
you."
"Yeah I know you do." Shaun said, scrunching his face up in revulsion.
"I'm just wondering why it's ok for him to like you but it's not ok if I do."
Shaun laughed harshly. "Well, seeing as you're a gay whore and Jesse isn't—"
"That's not fair. You don't know anything about Jesse. He could be trying to
lure you in before he makes his move."
Shaun rolled his eyes. That was extremely unlikely. Nobody liked him. Not even
Kyle liked him really. He was just so desperate for dick, he would have boned a
girl if she covered her tits and wore a strap-on.
"Fuck you. He told me he was going to ask Emily out." It made him sick to say
that… The very thought of Jesse and Emily becoming one of those nauseating
couples he saw at school all the time pissed him off. He didn't even try to
analyze why that was, he just accepted it.
"I never pegged you as being gullible." Kyle said. "You really believed that?"
Heedless of the fact that they were in a car and that Kyle was driving it,
Shaun lurched across the seat grabbing a fistful of Kyle's shirt front. The car
jerked sharply to the right and Kyle gasped, his eyes bugging out of his stupid
face. He managed to slam the brakes on before they hit anything.
"Stay out of my business, Kyle." Shaun spat in the other boy's face. "The only
reason I haven't slit your fucking throat is because you give me a pretty good
price on your weed. Don't make me change my fucking mind."
Kyle swallowed and nodded curtly, his dark eyes hard and angry. Shaun let go of
Kyle, giving him one last piercing look before he got out of the car and walked
the rest of the way. Kyle turned around in the middle of the road and drove
off.
As Shaun meandered up Jesse's front walk he started to have second thoughts.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. He should just go home now, make up some
excuse and apologize. But he remembered how good it had felt that morning to
have Jesse's attention on him. Shaun hated himself, but he really wanted to
feel that again. He just hoped he'd be able to handle all that undivided
attention.
Still feeling uncertain, Shaun knocked on the door.
After a long minute of waiting, Shaun raised his fist to knock again. He was
already having second, second thoughts and was wondering how long he should
wait for a reply before he headed back home when the door finally opened.
Shaun was confused for a moment, staring down at a little red haired boy. He
looked so much like Jesse that Shaun thought for one crazy moment that Jesse
must have come home and shrunk himself.
"Who are you?" The boy asked, looking up at Shaun with open curiosity. Well,
that solved that then. The little boy wasn't Jesse after all.
"Shaun." He told the little boy, already feeling uncomfortable. He wasn't used
to little kids and he hadn't realized Jesse had had any other siblings than the
one he'd seen briefly on the bus. Though he supposed it made sense that Jesse
had another little brother. The one he'd seen on the bus had to be at least 12
years old, surely old enough to look after himself for a few hours.
"Oh hey!" Jesse swept into the living room, grinning from ear to ear. He looked
so ridiculous that Shaun felt an inexplicable urge to smile back. "Sorry, I
didn't hear you knocking." He came to the door, effectively pushing the little
kid out of the way and opening the door wider for Shaun to come in.
"It's ok." Shaun said, feeling highly out of place. Jesse's house was nicer
than his, though most of the furniture and general furnishings were only of
moderate quality. He supposed it didn't bother him that much that Jesse's
family had more money than him, but it did.
"Is that your friend?" Another voice spoke up. Shaun glanced around and spotted
another little red headed kid edging into the room from the hallway. The little
girl was probably the same age as the boy. In fact they might have been twins.
Jesus! How many kids did Jesse's parents have?
Jesse had been standing, looking somewhat lost but when he caught the
questioning look on Shaun's face he promptly launched into introductions.
"These are the twins, Allison and Tyler." Both of the little kids were already
looking somewhat bored with the proceedings and Tyler shrugged before heading
over towards the couch. "And that's Sam." Jesse pointed towards the couch where
the very top of Sam's red head could be seen peeking over the couch's back.
"Say 'hi' you guys!" Jesse demanded, rolling his eyes.
There was a chorus of 'hello's which made Shaun fidget at how odd everything
was. He again wondered what he was doing here.
Jesse shot him a nervous look, but after a moment of indecision, he seemed to
think of something, brightening considerably.
"We should play Guitar Hero."
"Not again." Sam sighed from the couch, refusing to look away from the violent
cartoon on TV.
"I want to play!" Allison announced, running towards the entertainment center.
She quickly changed the TV into video mode, much to Sam annoyance, and got the
Xbox up and running.
Jesse smiled at his little sister and went to collect the guitar controllers.
"Here." He gave one to Shaun and took the other, sliding the strap over his
shoulder and standing in front of the TV as the game's screen came up.
"I've never played this before." Shaun admitted sourly as the followed Jesse's
example.
"Well, you should be awesome at it, right? It's just guitar."
Shaun shrugged. If that's all it was, then he should have no problems. But then
again, there weren't any strings on the stupid little plastic guitar, just
colored buttons and a flip switch thing.
"What the fuck…?" Shaun muttered, surprised when Tyler laughed obnoxiously.
"Fuck!" He giggled.
"Shut up, little baby." Sam mocked the younger boy.
Jesse hit Shaun in the arm, giving him a look. "You gotta watch what you say in
front of the kids." He said, as if Shaun should have already known that.
"Sorry." Shaun mumbled darkly, wishing all of Jesse's little siblings would
fucking go away already.
Jesse shrugged. "Wanna pick a song?" He scrolled through a list of really lame
songs and Shaun grunted.
"Play AFI." Allison cried from her place on the couch.
"I hate that song!" Tyler yelled back. "Do Rage Against the Machine."
"Naw, we're going to play Slayer."
"They suck." Sam said rudely, but Jesse picked it anyway, smirking at Shaun.
Frankly, Shaun was surprised Jesse had remembered he liked Slayer, but his
surprise quickly melted away as the song came on and 'notes' started flying
past.
Shaun tried. He really did! It wasn't like he'd never played video games
before, but he preferred real life, as shitty as it was, to some fantasy made
up crap. And this was fucking crap.
"You have to press the buttons at the top and hit the flippy thing to play."
Jesse said over the sound of Shaun fucking the notes up. "
"Fuck you." Shaun scowled, staring down at his hands. By this point, he'd
completely forgot about the kids who were copying his crude language with
gusto. "This isn't like guitar at fucking all."
"Dude!" Jesse hit Shaun in the side with his hip. "Watch your mouth." But the
warning fell flat as the redhead was laughing too hard to do much admonishing.
"Go fuck yourself." Shaun muttered darkly. This game was stupid and Jesse's
little siblings were laughing at him. He didn't know why they had to play some
stupid game. Why couldn't they just get high?
When the song finished Shaun wanted to quit, but Jesse somehow convinced him to
try again. He turned the game to easy and even spent a few minutes trying to
teach Shaun how to do it, much to the little kids amusement.
After 3 songs, Shaun could at least play on easy, but he'd had enough.
Shaun took the guitar controller off, just barely managing not to throw it on
the ground like he really wanted to. The little girl came and snatched it from
him.
"You suck." She tittered, setting off her twin again.
"He stinks too." Tyler agreed.
Shaun glared hatefully at the little brats, but surprisingly he was no match
for the look Jesse gave them.
"Don't you guys have any manners?" Jesse asked. "Why don't you two go up to
your room until you can be nice."
"No!" Allison stomped her little foot.
"Go upstairs or I'll tell Mom you wouldn't listen to me." The redhead
threatened and somehow – even though Shaun would have kicked anyone who
threatened him with that in the balls – it seemed to do the trick.
"I hate you!" The twins yelled in unison, but either way they went upstairs,
continuing to have a loud and obnoxious conversation the whole way up the
stairs.
"You too." Jesse said, turning to Sam.
"What'd I do?!" Sam yelled indignantly.
"Nothing. But you've had the living room all week. I want to watch TV with my
friend."
"You're an asshole, Jess." Sam snorted, but he went upstairs as well, shooting
Shaun an interested look before he disappeared.
"Ah…Sorry about that." Jesse blushed when he finally turned to meet Shaun's
curious gaze.
"It's ok." Shaun grumbled. "I don't do good with kids. I fucking hate 'em."
"Yeah." If Jesse was offended by Shaun's causal hatred for his family, he
didn't show it. "You do watch TV right?" He asked instead, gesturing to the
vacated couch.
"I guess." Shaun shrugged and sat down, scooting over unnecessarily when Jesse
sat down beside him. "You'd better not try to watch some stupid reality shit."
"I wouldn't dream of it." Jesse grinned, wiggling over so he could elbow Shaun
in the ribs. And then he just left his arm there resting against Shaun's side!
Like it was no big deal that they were sitting on Jesse's couch right next to
each other, their arms touching casually.
"MXC's on." Jesse smiled at the TV.
Shaun barely watched the stupid show. All he could concentrate on was Jesse's
arm resting against his and wondering if maybe Kyle had had a point. Was Jesse
hitting on him? He remembered Jesse pulling a similar stunt earlier that day on
the bus. Leaning his head on Shaun's arm and looking up at him with those
striking blue eyes of his.
But he didn't really think that it was possible.
Nobody like Jesse, who seemed to be a pretty decent guy, would be into Shaun,
who was a jerk – and that was putting it lightly. Even if he did happen to be a
fag, Shaun was sure Jesse would have chased after someone else.
And Shaun already knew Jesse was fucking straight. In fact…
"Fuck, she's hot." Jesse smiled slowly as a Japanese girl tried to jump across
some rocks. The camera zoomed in when she fell, her ass going up in the air.
His attention briefly snagged, Shaun responded with a grunt.
"I had an Asian girlfriend once." Jesse continued, still staring at the TV.
"She was super cute, but she was kind of a bitch. She wouldn't let me do more
than feel her up. And we dated for like 3 months!" The redhead reminisced,
sounding somewhat indignant.
"Huh. Sucks to be you." Shaun elbowed Jesse back, finally bringing attention to
the fact that they had been touching for the past 30 or so minutes.
"Yeah." Jesse scoffed, completely unbothered by the touching. Thought he did
straighten up slightly. "Don't I know it."
When the show ended Shaun suddenly remembered his weed.
"Hey."
"Hmm?" Jesse asked, tearing his attention away from the Japanese people with
fake voices. "What's that smile for?" The redhead automatically grinned,
matching Shaun's devious smirk.
"I bought some more pot. Wanna smoke some?"
Jesse's face lit up. "For real?" He bounced around, the TV forgotten. "Fuck
that's awesome!"
Glad that he now had Jesse's full attention, Shaun pulled the baggie out of his
back pocket, showing it off.
"Nice." Jesse cooed with excitement.
And of course, the moment wouldn't be complete without an interruption.
"Oh shit." Jesse grabbed the bag out of Shaun's hand, stuffing it between the
couch cushions as the front door opened and a red haired woman in scrubs
carrying a squirming baby entered.
"Honey!" She called, exhausted. "Here, come take the baby."
Sighing and rolling his eyes, Jesse got up and gently took the crying infant
from the woman. She must have been his mother. And that must mean the little
girl, judging from the pink color of her onesie, was yet another sibling!
And then, another kid, a toddler this time, came darting into the room through
Jesse's legs and ran right for the couch.
The little boy was different from the other kids, so much so that Shaun
wondered if he was maybe someone else's kid. Either way, he seemed surprised to
see Shaun sitting on the couch and blinked shyly up at him with big blue eyes.
"Hi." He greeted cautiously.
"This is my friend, Shaun." Jesse introduced his silent friend to his mom and
the little boy. "This is my other sister, Lissa, and my other brother Brian."
Shaun shot Jesse a disbelieving look, taking in the sheepish way Jesse held his
little sister. Could it be possible that he had 5 fucking little kids to take
care of every day after school?! Jesus Christ! Jesse's mom was a fucking whore!
"Nice to meet you Shaun." Jesse's mom called out as she disappeared into the
other room. Shaun could hear her rummaging around in what he assumed to be the
kitchen.
"Jesus…" Shaun muttered when Jesse sat back down, whispering calmly to the
little girl in his lap.
"Yeah, I know." Jesse shrugged.
"I'll be back in a few hours," Jesse's mom said as she reappeared. "They don't
need me for long tonight. We're overstaffed." She has granola bar from the
kitchen and she opened it as she walked. "Bye everyone." She waved at the kids,
stuffed the granola bar in her mouth and rushed out the front door.
"She's a nurse." Jesse explained in his mother's absence.
"Yeah, ok." Shaun took his weed out of the couch, confident that an infant and
a toddler wouldn't know what it was. He caught Jesse looking at it, but quickly
pocketed it. He felt kind of weird even thinking about doing drugs in front of
little kids. And Jesse didn't disagree.
"I'm Brian." The little boy said suddenly, reintroducing himself needlessly.
Shaun hadn't caught his name the first time and he certainly didn't get it this
time either.
"Yeah." Shaun attempted a smile, but wasn't surprised when a grimace came out
instead. The kid didn't seem to mind.
"Today was art day in my class and we got to draw anything we wanted and you
wanna see what I made?" The little kid said all in one breath.
"Ah…"
"Lemme go get it!" The toddler scampered off to get his book bag while Shaun
looked on helplessly.
Jesse snorted. "Looks like you made a new friend."
"Fuck off." Shaun hissed.
Ignoring Shaun's displeasure, Jesse stood up with the baby on his hip. "I'm
going to go upstairs. Can you watch Brian for a while?"
"Are you serious?" Shaun scoffed.
"Yeah, it'll just be for a little while." Jesse promised. "I'll be right back."
Well, if he was going to be right back.
"Fine." He huffed, irritated when Jesse gave him a pleased smile before
disappearing upstairs with the gurgling baby.
"See!" The little boy was back, holding his brightly colored picture. He set
the drawing down on the couch and heaved himself up beside Shaun. Then he
handed him the drawing.
"Uh, nice job, kid." Shaun said diplomatically. Kids always drew the shittiest
stuff, but Shaun wasn't really an artist either. He was probably on the same
level as Brian.
"This is my Mommy." He said, pointing out the tallest circular thing with stick
arms and legs. You could sort of tell it was a girl from the lines he'd put
coming out of the circle's head-like region. He'd colored them a flaming red.
"And these are the twins. Brian said, instantly receiving a few points from
Shaun for making them easily the stupidest looking people on the page. They had
matching buck teeth and swirlies for eyes instead of the black dots everyone
else got. "I don't like them very much." Brian leaned in to whisper, staring up
at Shaun with his huge blue eyes.
"Me neither." Shaun agreed.
Brian perked up. "And Sammy is here." He poked the slightly bloated looking
circle thing and laughed.
"Why'd you draw him so fat?" Shaun asked immediately, a little surprised to
find he was actually curious about that little laugh.
"Cause he's a fat butt and he took the last of my secret candy stash this
morning!"
Shaun laughed.
"Oh and I drew Jesse too. He's the best big brother ever. Don't you think?"
Shaun shrugged. "Sure. I guess so." He didn't know how great of a brother he
was, though the redhead would have had to be a fucking saint to put up with
these kids all the damn time. "Where's your dad?" He asked, hoping to divert
attention away from Jesse and discussing how great he was. He didn't want to
sound gay, even if it was only in front of a toddler.
"I don't have a dad." Brian said sadly.
Shaun felt for the kid. He really did. "Sorry." He grunted. "I don't have one
either."
Brian smiled and even though Shaun normally didn't like to even think about his
dad, he was glad he had if only to cheer the little blond boy up.
"Ok. Sorry." Jesse came back into the room, toting the baby. "Somebody messed
her diaper. Yes she did!" Jesse kissed his little sister on the forehead and
she giggled and kicked her feet. Smiling, Jesse set the baby on his hip. "Hey
Brian? Do you mind if we have mac and cheese for dinner? The twins are hungry."
Brian seemed pleased with this announcement and he bounced around in a very
familiar fashion. "Yeah!" He cheered.
Jesse nodded. He grabbed a red and blue baby bouncy seat – which Shaun hadn't
noticed until just then – and put Lissa in. Then he turned the TV to some
brainless kids show. "Watch Lissa for me, ok Brian?"
"Ok."
"Wanna help me?" Jesse asked, turning to Shaun. Convinced that he had no
choice, Shaun nodded and followed Jesse into the kitchen.
"I have to make three boxes." Jesse said, grabbing a pan from one of the
cabinets and filling it with water. "Everyone's hungry." He said, rolling his
eyes.
"How can your Mom expect you to take care of 5 kids every day?" Shaun blurted
as he watched the other boy move efficiently around the kitchen. He'd never so
much as boiled water.
"Now that Sam's older, he can help out a lot more." Jesse shrugged, seemingly
unbothered by his burden. "It's not really fair of her, but what are you going
to do? I love my annoying family. It's not like I want anyone else to take care
of them."
Shaun sneered. "If my Grandparents ever made me look after kids, I'd probably
end up killing them or some shit."
"You did ok with Brian." Jesse pointed out.
"I was sitting with him for like 5 minutes."
"Brian's sweet. He's really special." Jesse said, smiling distractedly as he
took hotdogs out of the refrigerator.
"Like retarded?" Shaun joked.
"No, you asshole. Not retarded." Jesse punched Shaun on the arm as he passed.
He got out yet another pan and filled it with water. "He's just my favorite
little brother I guess. Even though he's always annoying me. I love him the
most."
Shaun wasn't comfortable talking about love and was glad when he spotted Jesse
adding the hotdogs to the water before he put the pan on the stove.  
"What the fuck are you doing?" He asked, more for distraction than actual
curiosity.
"Hotdogs and mac and cheese." Jesse said as if Shaun were the stupid one.
"Haven't you ever had it?"
"No." Shaun scowled dramatically. "Sounds disgusting." And this was coming from
a boy who ate squirrel.
"You'll like it. I promise." Jesse smirked. "Now, do you still want to get
high?"
"Seriously?" Shaun perked up, looking almost happy. Almost.
"Sure. I mean, I can't get completely messed up, but I can get a buzz going on
ya know. Mom'll be home before too long and we can hang out on our own. Go to
your house or something."
"No." Shaun said quickly. "We'll stay here."
Jesse shrugged, poking the waterlogged hotdogs with a fork. "Whatever. But
hurry up. I don't want to do it in front of the kids."
"Yeah alright." Shaun quickly rolled a joint on the kitchen counter while Jesse
looked on over his shoulder.
"You got that from Kyle?"
"Yeah. His brother gets the stuff, Kyle just sells it." Shaun licked the edge
and rolled the weed tightly before he held up the finished product. "He's a
fucking freak."
"Why do you say that?" Jesse laughed.
"Because…" Shaun glanced at Jesse, wondering again if he was a fag like Kyle
had suggested. He'd been about to start ranting about Kyle, the dirty nasty
whore, but now he was sort of thinking that it'd be in bad taste.
It wasn't that he had anything against fags. Not really anyway. But it wasn't
ok for people to start thinking he was gay. They already hated him!
"Yeah? Because why?" Jesse prompted. He'd found a lighter in the interim and
was coaxing the joint out of Shaun's immobile fingers. He lit up. "Here." He
pressed the joint against Shaun's lips, pressing his own lips together to avoid
laughing. "You get first hit since you're paying and all."
"Never mind." Shaun waved Jesse away impatiently and took the joint. He inhaled
deeply, hoping it would hit fast so he wouldn't have to deal with this fucked
up situation anymore.
When he finally passed it to Jesse, the redhead did the same, smiling serenely
once he'd gotten a decent lungful.
"Fuck…" He coughed when he exhaled. "That's good."
"I thought you weren't going to get real messed up?" Shaun reminded the other
boy.
"Can't help myself." Jesse leaned against Shaun for a moment, letting his head
flop onto the other boy's shoulder. Shaun tensed up and held completely still.
Jesse went right back to cooking, adding the boxes of mac and cheese to the
boiling pot and stirring.
Shaun managed to keep an eye on Jesse the rest of the night. Jesse's siblings
didn't seem to notice that there was anything off about Jesse even though he
laughed at everything and threw himself at Shaun a whole lot. Shaun might have
been worried about all the 'gay' touching, but he was suddenly in a pretty good
mood.
After all the kids ate and Jesse fed the baby, they all hung out in the living
room. Shaun might have been bothered by the amount of people and the small
enclosed space they were all crammed into, but he'd calmed down considerably
since the joint he and Jesse had shared. He even let Brian sit in his lap for a
few minutes.
Around 8, Jesse's mom finally came home again. Jesse handed off the baby yet
again and grabbed Shaun's hand, pulling him upstairs.
"C'mon. Let's go to my room."
Of course that sent several red flags erratically waving in Shaun's head, but
he followed the other boy anyway, glad to be away from the teeming household.
If Jesse tried anything, he'd just kick him in the balls, he decided.
"I've got top." Jesse said when they entered his room, gesturing to the bunk
beds. "Come on up." He laughed as he hauled himself up the ladder and situated
himself in the nest like bed.
"Uh…" Ok, it was pretty weird being invited into another guy's bed, but really
there weren't a lot of places for him to sit elsewhere. He assumed the lower
bunk belonged to one of the other kids downstairs and he thought it'd be
weirder to make himself at home on one of theirs, instead of Jesse's. So
reluctantly, he climbed up and sat cross legged next to Jesse.
The other boy smiled at him.
"Sorry this is so weird."
"I kind of figured it would be." Shaun admitted.
Jesse shrugged and laid back. "I have a pretty crazy family, huh?"
"I guess."
"What's yours like? I know I can't ask about your parents, but…" He trailed
off, staring at the ceiling.
"Why do you even care?" Shaun asked cynically.
"I told you didn't I? I think you're interesting." Jesse looked down the line
of his body and straight up into Shaun's dark eyes. "I think it's because
you're so fucking mysterious all the time."
"I'm mysterious?" Shaun nearly choked. That was pretty fucking funny.
"Yeah. I mean, everyone hates you but nobody will say why. Kenny and Emily were
really laying into me at lunch today for talking to you."
"Fuck them." Shaun sneered grinding his teeth together. Those little fucking
bastards.
"I don't give a shit what they say. I mean, for the most part, they're nice and
I kind of want to screw Emily at some point, but you're my friend too."
"You don't know anything about me." Shaun growled, surprised that the others
hadn't informed him yet. It seemed like something petty they would have enjoyed
doing, but then again, they were probably too fucking afraid to even mention
it.
"Well…tell me then!" Jesse cried, frustrated. "How else am I supposed to know
you if you never talk?!"
"I talk." Shaun grumbled.
Jesse laughed. "Tell me about your grandparents, then. Or your band. You pick."
What the fuck? Shaun sneered at his new friend. This was fucking stupid. It
wasn't like Jesse sat around telling Shaun about his life. He hadn't even
bothered to mention his 5 little brothers and sisters when he'd invited him
over. But if Jesse were going to complain about it, he might as well get it
over with.
"Fine. I live with my grandma and grandpa and my grandma is a complete fucking
bitch." Shaun growled, irritated at being forced to converse.
"Why?"
Rolling his eyes, Shaun made himself elaborate. "She doesn't like the way I am.
She thinks I should be normal. You know, someone who goes to church and doesn't
drink or smoke dope."
Jesse snorted. "Normal?"
"Yeah, well…" Shaun trailed off. "She didn't want me coming over here, she
fucking tried to ground me. Grandma knows what I do when I'm with the band and
she probably thinks I'm with them now. She's pissed."
"Why? What do you do with your band? Fuck groupies and get high?" Jesse smiled
dreamily.
"Not really." The bigger boy glowered. "We don't have groupies."
"What about your Grandpa?" Jesse continued his questioning, still looking
curious despite the rather generic answers. Shaun imagined having disapproving
parental figures wasn't all that rare.
Shaun shrugged. "I don't know. He's ok."
"Oh fuck." Jesse whispered, staring at Shaun with wide eyes.
"What?" Shaun frowned.  
"Did you just say someone was 'ok'?"
Shaun punched Jesse in the arm, frowning when Jesse laughed, lying back on his
pillow with his eyes closed. Shaun was horrified to feel a warm rush of
affection for the other boy.
"At least he doesn't bother me. He lets me do whatever I want."
"Hey, its ok to love your family you know." Jesse said with a smile.
"Whatever." Shaun huffed. "What about you? Where's your dad, huh?"
Jesse raised a brow at the sudden question, but answered it nonetheless.
"He left after Sam was born, I guess he'd had enough of us." Jesse said
blandly. "Mom told me he was cheating on her with some girl 10 years younger
than him for like… years and she never even knew."
"That's shit." Shaun scowled, a little upset that Jesse's dad would abandon him
for some bitch. "So, what about the twins, and the other two? Who's are they?"
"You mean Allison and Tyler and Lissa and Brian?" Jesse laughed.
"Yeah, whatever." Shaun folded his arms. He couldn't be expected to know all of
their names!
"They're from different guys. Mom's been going through shitty boyfriends ever
since dad left. I think the only reason we moved out here was because she had
this bad breakup with her last one, Joey. He proposed to her and I was starting
to think that they'd actually get married and we'd be stuck in Detroit forever,
but then Mom found out he'd proposed to 2 other girls as well and he was just
lying to everyone." Jesse frowned a little and it was the first time Shaun had
actually seen his friend upset. "He was a fucking asshole. We're better off
without him."
Shaun was a little embarrassed that he'd asked such a sensitive question. He
knew he had a lot of things he'd rather not talk about.
"Sorry." he grunted, not all that great at apologies.
Jesse just shook his head. "It's not a big deal. We're friends. We can tell
each other shit, you know."
"Yeah. I guess." Shaun sat uncomfortably in Jesse's bed. He still wasn't
convinced that this was the best idea, getting close to someone else. But maybe
Jesse would be different.
After that, they smoked some more and Shaun listened to Jesse talk about
normal, typical guy stuff until Jesse's mom stuck her head in. Even though the
two of them managed to hide the evidence in time, she still told them to cut it
out.
"I'd better go." Shaun said afterwards, laughing quietly along with Jesse.
"Aww, do you have to?" Jesse sobered immediately, looking like a sad little
kid.
"I can't stay forever." Shaun said as he climbed out of the bunk bed.
"You could stay the night if you didn't want to go back to your mean Grandma's
house."
Shaun was surprisingly tempted, but the instant he imagined himself and Jesse
sleeping side by side he shivered.
"No. I'll see you later." Shaun gathered his shit up and started to head out
into the hallway.
"I'll walk you out." Jesse said, jumping down and following Shaun.
Things had calmed down a bit downstairs. The younger kids had gone to bed, only
Sam was left in the living room playing some shooting game.
"You guys are dicks. If you had pot you should have let me have some." he
complained as they went by, sending them a lethal glare.
"Fuck you. I'm not your supplier." Jesse sneered. "You don't know anything
about it anyway. I know you've never even tried it."
"Shut up." Sam pouted and threw his controller down, leaping from the couch and
stomping up the stairs.
"He's not normally like that. He just likes to show off in front of my
friends." Jesse explained, as if Shaun cared. He wouldn't have shared a smoke
with the kid even if Jesse had begged him to.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow I guess." Shaun said awkwardly. He wished Jesse
wouldn't have walked him out.
"Do you want a ride? I can borrow my Mom's car or something."
"No. I'm good."
Jesse gave Shaun a goofy smile. "Alright then. Sit by me on the bus tomorrow,
ok?"
Shaun rolled his eyes. As if he had a choice. "Whatever."
Jesse's light hearted laughter followed Shaun all the way back home.
When he snuck back into the house around 10:30 Ruth was fast asleep in her
chair in front of the TV. She must have been waiting up, but luckily she hadn't
made it.
Shaun was a little embarrassed by how cheerful he was feeling. He hadn't even
had that great of a time.
Absently, Shaun dragged himself to the bathroom for a quick shower. He felt
kind of sticky after smoking in someone else's bed.
While he was cleaning up, he checked his cuts.
The ones on his arm looked more or less ok. They were covered in scabs anyway.
The one on his thigh was a different story however. It was painful to the touch
and it was puffy and red. Infected.
Wincing at the pain, Shaun quickly scrubbed the stupid cut with soap and made a
mental note to keep his knives a little cleaner.
All in all thought, it had been a decent day.
Before he went back to his room he made a quick trip into the kitchen, stealing
a few beers from his dear old grandfather.
He felt like he might need a drink or two to get a good night's rest.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Five
Jesse couldn't help himself, he was glad to see Shaun the next morning.
"Hey." He greeted the other boy. He grinned hugely when Shaun sat down right
next to him instead of sitting in his customary seat in the back.
"Whatever." Shaun grunted, but it looked like he was fighting a smile.
There was just something so fucking charming about the other boy. The whole
fuck-off-and-die vibe Jesse got from him wasn't nearly as effective as Shaun
thought it was.
"Want to come over again today?" He asked right off the bat. It had been nice
to have someone babysit with him and Shaun, even when he was being sullen and
uncommunicative, was better company than a bunch of children.
"You just want me to come over because I've got weed." Shaun said sullenly.
"I wanted you to come over yesterday and I didn't know you had any." Jesse
pointed out, thinking nothing of the minor reassurance. Shaun frowned, but he
dropped it. "So, can you come over?"
"I guess." Shaun said grudgingly.
Jesse smiled. "Good."
The redhead made lots of friends. He was a friendly, likeable guy and for the
most part he liked to socialize. However, there hadn't been many times he'd
been as attached to anyone as he was attached to Shaun. He'd never begged
anyone to hang out with him and he'd never put so much effort into a
relationship with someone who had persistently resisted him.
Strangely, though, Jesse wasn't worried about it. Something just felt right
about snuggling up, physically as well as well as metaphorically to the other
boy and fuck what everyone else said or thought. Kenny and Emily both had tried
to explain yet again why he shouldn't be talking to Shaun.
But he didn't care. He didn't care if Shaun was weird, or mean, or had had some
random fights with Kenny in the past. He didn't give a damn. The fact was that
when Shaun was around, Jesse felt a whole lot better about… well everything
really.
They were just destined to be really good friends, Jesse thought. Which was
good since he was pretty sure he and his family were going to be stuck in this
armpit of a town for quite a while.
He brought up some inconsequential things, talking just to talk. Shaun listened
and no matter how uninterested he appeared, Jesse knew he felt whatever it was
between them that kept drawing Jesse's attention.
Once they got to school Jesse trailed Shaun to his locker and then
surprisingly, Shaun urged Jesse to his own.
"C'mon. We don't have all day."
We? Jesse smiled, he liked that, Shaun putting them together, even if it was
only in word form.
"So sorry." Jesse flashed his friend a brilliant smile, catching the look of
consternation on his friends face. The bigger boy was so amusing. Always trying
to pretend he didn't care. But Jesse could see he so clearly did.
They eventually had to split up to go their separate ways, but that didn't
bother the redhead. They'd see each other soon enough.
The rest of the day went well. Kenny and Emily seemed to have dropped the whole
Shaun issue, though Kenny was kinda distant, Emily was acting normally. She
spent the entirety of History, English and lunch flirting with Jesse, which
pleased the redhead to no end. He'd kind of got the feeling Emily was hard to
please, but she seemed to have warmed up rather quickly. She'd been impressed
with him for coming to church Sunday and seemed even more so that he was going
on Wednesday as well.     
If only all girls were so easy to please.
So, later, once Jesse got home and Shaun showed up, looking somewhat worse for
wear, Jesse was a little distressed when the first words out of Shaun's mouth
were: "I can come over tomorrow, right?"
"I promised Emily I'd go to church with her." Jesse said sheepishly.
"What?" Shaun looked disgusted, as he always did whenever Jesse brought her up.
Secretly Jesse wondered if he'd been rejected by her or something. That's the
only reason he could see for such a strong reaction from the other boy.
"I have to!" Jesse whispered, mindful of the kids within earshot. "If I want to
get in her pants, anyway."
Shaun looked horrified, but didn't say anything else. Jesse felt terrible. He'd
been trying to get Shaun to participate in their little 'friendship' and now he
was turning him down the first time he'd asked to hang out. Feeling like he
needed to make it up to him somehow, Jesse put his arm around the other boy and
drew him upstairs.
"We'll be upstairs, don't bother us." He warned his little brother.
"Fuck you." Sam called after them.
"I thought you had to babysit." Shaun bitched as he dutifully followed Jesse to
his room.
"I trust Sam with the twins." Jesse said.
They crawled up into Jesse's bed and immediately Shaun took out his weed.
Honestly, Jesse didn't need to get high, but he certainly wasn't going to
object.
"So why do you want to come over all of a sudden? I kind of thought you were
just doing me a favor." Jesse laid down, stretching out comfortably. He wasn't
surprised when Shaun continued to sit cross legged at the foot of his bed.
"My grandma wants me to go to church tomorrow. She wants me to pray for
forgiveness or some fucked up shit." Shaun said as toked up.
"You should come!" Jesse smiled, suddenly excited that he'd get to see Shaun
tomorrow night after all. "It won't be so bad if I'm there, I promise."
"I'm not fucking going to church." Shaun growled, nearly crushing the joint.
Gently, Jesse reached over and took the joint from his friend. Shaun watched
him with narrowed eyes.
"I'm just saying… I wouldn't go to church either unless I had someone to talk
to there."
"I hate god." Shaun spat, and then weirdly, he laid down beside Jesse and
snatched the joint back. He took a huge lungful of smoke, holding it in before
coughing it out again. It was a pretty sloppy move, but Jesse had heard you got
higher if you coughed the shit up. Maybe the other boy was onto something.
"I hate him, too." Jesse said, voicing one of the few thoughts he'd never
shared with anyone else before. "He's been nothing but a bastard to me."
Shaun turned his head, his wild, frizzy hair tickling Jesse's cheek. The other
boy's eyes were so full of understanding that Jesse suddenly threw his arm
around his friend.
He released him quickly, however, knowing how uncomfortable Shaun was with
anything resembling physical affection. He was just so glad to have him here
right now…
Eventually they had to go back downstairs to get dinner for the younger kids.
Jesse was at the point where everything was suddenly hilarious and the twins
took turns trying to get him to laugh, an easy prospect to be sure.
Sam continued to glare at Jesse for not letting him get high with the big boys,
his scowl perfectly matching Shaun's.
It seemed like Shaun had a hard time having fun no matter what he was on. Or
maybe it was just the fact that he hated Jesse's siblings that had put the glum
look on his face.
Monica came home in the middle of Jesse's dinner preparations. She handed Lissa
to Sam, left Brian in the kitchen and hurried back to work.
"Hi honey." Jesse said, still laughing from Allison's latest knock-knock joke.
He scooped Brian up with some finesse though and kissed his rosy cheeks.
"Shaun?"
"What?" Shaun sat between the twins at the kitchen table. He looked highly
uncomfortable.
"Help me out?"
Shaun snorted, but he got up. "What do you want?"
"Either take Brian or finish making dinner." Jesse asked, knowing he was asking
a lot from the other boy and hoping it wouldn't explode in his face.
Shaun came up behind him, standing just out of sight. Jesse was about to turn
around, but stopped when Shaun lifted Brian out of his arms.
"I can't cook." He said.
Smiling goofily, Jesse finished making dinner.
It was really cute how good with Brian Shaun was. Jesse had to devote most of
his attention towards Lissa during dinner, feeding her after every few bites he
took of his own food, so he wordlessly left Shaun in charge of the energetic 3-
year-old.
Brian didn't really fit in all that well with the rest of the family. Sam was
kind of mean to him and the twins followed suit without even really realizing
it. Monica had little time for the second youngest member of the family and as
much love as Jesse gave the little boy, he still couldn't be around all the
time.
Somehow Shaun must have sensed all of this, for even though he seemed very
awkward put in charge of the toddler, he also seemed to put forth his best
effort.
Brian was telling Shaun about the trip the whole family had taken to the fair
on their way from Detroit. It was a pretty uninteresting story really, but
Shaun listened intently. He even managed to laugh when Brian told him about a
clown that had scared the shit out of Tyler.
"That's not funny!" Tyler yelled across the table at Brian.
"Shaun thinks so." Brian said smartly.
"Shaun's a weirdo! Sam told me all about him!" Tyler shouted at the top his
considerable lungs, throwing a chicken nugget across the table at Brian.
Jesse glanced at Sam, but he seemed unfazed. Shaun on the other hand glared
daggers at Tyler.
"What did he tell you?" He spat, narrowing his dark eyes on the vocal five-
year-old.
Tyler, as if realizing Shaun was present for the first time, looked up at his
menacing expression, his eyes widening in fear.
"I didn't say anything." Sam said, putting a hand over Tyler's mouth. "He's
just making stuff up."
"Liar." Shaun hissed.
Sam, his own eyes widening to match Tyler's opened his mouth, but Jesse cut him
off.
"You guys, quit it!" Lissa had reacted to the raised voices and the sudden
elevation of tension and was beginning to cry. "Sam, take Tyler upstairs."
"But—"
"Do it!"
"Fuck you, Jesse." Sam grabbed Tyler's arm, yanking him out of his chair and
out of the kitchen. Tyler ripped his arm out of Sam's grip, but followed along
beside him. Once they left the room they started whispering loudly to one
another, their hushed argument fading as they went upstairs.
Shaun was still sitting tensely, staring after Jesse's little brothers. The
rest of the table was quiet, Allison stared at her half empty plate and Brian
watched Shaun fume silently. Lissa whimpered and Jesse pulled her out of her
high chair, rubbing her back soothingly.
"Allie, do you know what they were talking about?" Jesse asked after Lissa had
calmed down somewhat.
Jesse's little sister glanced up, wide eyed. "No." She said quickly.
It was obvious that she did and from the red staining Shaun's cheeks, he knew
it as well. Jesse wasn't about to force her to recount whatever it was that had
Shaun so upset, however, so he sent her upstairs after the boys.
She leapt up, seemingly glad to escape the kitchen.
Shaun growled after Allison's retreating back. "Your brothers are assholes." He
said, and it wasn't clear who he was talking to. Jesse wanted him to take it
back, but Brian was already covering his mouth and stifling a laugh.
"You like that?" Shaun smiled. "Sam's a dick." He said.
"…dick…" Brian repeated, setting himself off again. His hands barely covered
his ridiculous giggles.
"That's right, kid." Shaun patted Brian's head. "And the twins are little fuck
faces."
Brian laughed again, but Jesse had had enough.
"Shaun!" He cried, amused despite himself. "Watch your mouth." He reprimanded,
though there wasn't much heart behind it.
"Why? He likes it." Shaun ruffled Brian's silky blond hair again and the little
boy squirmed and playfully batted after his hand.
"What am I going to tell Mom when she comes home and Brian tells her all the
new words he's learned."
"Fuck if I know." Shaun said as he continued to torment Brian's hair. For the
first time since he'd arrived he was smiling. "You know you're not allowed to
say bad words, right kid?"
"I can say whatever I want." Brian said, staring up at Shaun with a bit of the
hero worship he normally only reserved for Jesse. "Mom's got a fuck face."
Jesse glared at Shaun. "See. Look what you did."
"I told you I'm no good with kids." Shaun grunted, but he attempted to make
things right anyway. "Kid, I get to say shit like that cause I'm older. Little
kids like you gotta earn it."
"Why?" Ugh… the incessant question of 'why'. They could be here all day.
However, Shaun obviously didn't have the patience for a long and meandering
conversation, and said directly: "Because I fucking say so, kid."
"But how come—"
"You be fucking good or I wouldn't be allowed to come over anymore."
Hmm, that seemed to work. Brian nodded slowly and Shaun pat him on the back.
"Good." He said, turning to Jesse with a grin.
The rest of the night was spent in the living room while the two high schoolers
waited for Jesse's Mom to resurface. Jesse was wrapped up in the baby, but he
still managed to keep an eye on Shaun and Brian. They were watching a movie
that was much too violent for a toddler, but Jesse didn't have the heart to
make them change the channel. Shaun looked surprisingly content sitting next to
the three-year-old, explaining the violent non-stop action to the fascinated
little boy. The four of them felt like this ridiculously sappy little family,
only unlike Jesse's real family they actually worked together.
Deciding to push his luck, Jesse laid back on the couch, cushioning Lissa on
his chest. He stretched out, putting his feet in Shaun's lap.
The other boy gave him quick look, Shaun's dark eyes meeting Jesse's blue. But
then somebody died a horrible death on screen and without a single protest
Shaun went back to enthusiastically narrating the movie for Brian, allowing
Jesse's feet to stay where they were.
Warm and comfortably buzzed, Jesse fell asleep within minutes.
He woke up when he felt Lissa being taken from his arms. The little girl fussed
and Jesse groggily opened his eyes.
"Mom?"
Monica was staring down at him. "You look exhausted."
"Oh." Jesse was lying on the couch by himself. He wondered where Brian was, or
Shaun.
Shaun's mysterious disappearance was quickly answered though, as seconds later
he appeared at the bottom of the steps.
He nodded solemnly at Monica's greeting and quickly sidestepped so she could
get by him.
"Hey. Where'd you go?" Jesse asked, sitting up. He rubbed his eyes.
Shaun blushed, looking away.
"You feel asleep."
"Yeah, I was comfortable." Jesse shrugged, confused as to why Shaun looked so
embarrassed all of a sudden.
"Ah…the kid fell asleep on me too." Shaun said awkwardly. "I er…put him in your
bed."
"Oh. That was nice." Jesse smiled sleepily.
"Yeah." Shaun continued to avoid Jesse's eyes, looking more and more
uncomfortable. "I'm going to go, alright?"
"Yeah, fine."
Shaun passed Jesse on his way out the door. Jesse was already thinking about
how nice it'd be to climb into his bed and fall asleep. He was used to Brian
crawling into his bed at night, so it didn't really bother him. Besides, the
bed would already be warm.
Then Shaun touched his hair, smoothing down the red cowlick that had been
unknowingly sticking straight up at the back of his head.
"See you tomorrow." Shaun said, promptly withdrawing his hand before he hurried
out the front door. He slammed it behind him.
Jesse was still thinking about that weird touch when he got to his room. He
exchanged his jeans for some pj pants and climbed onto the top bunk.
As Shaun had indicated, Brian was already fast asleep in the middle of the bed.
He still had day clothes on, but since Brian didn't seem all that
uncomfortable, Jesse decided to leave him be.
It was one of the first times Shaun had touched him, completely on his own….
All the other times Jesse could write off as accidents or attempts at being
playful. But this had felt completely different.
Jesse was still trying to figure out what it had meant when he fell asleep.
Of course, in the morning it had all been forgotten.
However, another question had replaced it.
"What was Tyler talking about last night?" Jesse asked Sam that morning at
breakfast.
Sam glared at him. The redhead couldn't tell if Sam was still upset about the
whole 'not sharing' the weed thing or if it was something else. He couldn't see
what else Sam had to be mad about, but then again, he was dumb sometimes.
"I don't know."
"Yes, you do. Tyler said you told him something about Shaun."
There was a pause while Sam took a bite of his cereal. "You wouldn't believe me
anyway." He finally said.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Usually, he and Sam were pretty close. Well, as
close as a big brother and his little tag-a-long sibling could be. But Sam was
never this closed mouthed!
"You've been so bossy lately…" Sam trailed off, glaring at the last few
Cheerios floating in his cereal milk. "Never mind." He said sullenly, picking
his bowl up and taking it to the sink. He dumped the remains of his breakfast
down the disposal.
Jesse was so surprised by Sam's attitude that he didn't ask again.
"You ok?" Shaun asked as he got on the bus later that morning. He appeared
nearly as nervous as he'd been last night, not even sitting down until Jesse
specifically gestured him to.
"I don't know. Sam's mad at me or something."
"Oh." Shaun sounded relieved. "He's still being a little bastard then?"
Jesse snorted. "Yeah, I guess he is."
"I wouldn't worry about it." Shaun said, pushing his frizzy hair out of his
eyes. "He's a fucking cunt."
"Jesus." Jesse frowned a little. "You don't have to be so harsh. He is my
little brother, you know."
Shaun shrugged.
Truthfully, Jesse didn't mind. Especially as he sensed Shaun was only being so
crude because Sam, Tyler and Allison knew that ever illusive secret about him
that Jesse had been trying to find out since day one.
Jesse decided not to bring it up.
"Are you still going to church tonight?" Shaun asked out of nowhere, staring up
towards the front of the bus. Jesse glanced over, noticing that Emily, Kenny
and the rest of their friends were getting on. He smiled and waved up at them,
but stayed put. He missed Shaun's deep scowl.
"Yeah." Jesse said absently. "I told you, I'm trying to get Emily to like me."
"What about the kids?" Shaun asked. "Are you just going to leave them there by
themselves?"
"Why? Are you volunteering to babysit?" Jesse laughed, but got nothing back
from Shaun. The other boy was as silent as a stone wall. "One of the women at
the daycare runs a late-night service, I guess. Mom said it's kind of
expensive, but she doesn't mind paying extra if I'm going to church."
"Hmm." Shaun seemed disappointed. "Did you tell her you're doing it to get in
some girl's pants?"
"Yeah. Of course, I did." Jesse said, rolling his eyes. "And after that me and
Mom discussed the best sex positions. She likes missionary, but I'm more of a
reverse cowgirl fan myself."
For a second Shaun looked utterly confused.
"You dumbass. I'm joking!" Jesse elbowed his friend, laughing again. Shaun
frowned as he realized he'd been tricked. He elbowed Jesse back.
"Fuck you."
"Whatever, man. You can still come with me." But as soon as he'd said it, he
realized that the 20-minute ride to the actual church might be awkward since
Kenny so adamantly hated Shaun. He might not even let him ride in his truck for
all Jesse knew and the redhead had no other transportation lined up that he
could offer Shaun.
Luckily, he refused again, shaking his head somewhat disgustedly.
"But what about your Grandma?"
"I'll go fuck around in the woods. Maybe I'll shoot something."
Jesse pouted. "I want to come."
"Then come." Shaun shrugged.
"You know I can't. I already promised."
Shaun looked away, glaring darkly out the opposite window.
Jesse sighed. As much as he'd been looking forward to today, hoping to lay some
of his better moves on Emily and impress her, now he couldn't wait until it was
over. He'd never been so depressed to have a day off babysitting in his life.
Either way, Shaun was in a weird mood after they got off the bus. He was quiet
all through science and didn't say a word on the way to history. Jesse felt
like he should stick by Shaun's side and for once regretted making friends with
Emily and Kenny and their crew since he now felt somewhat obligated to
converse, but after history he dutifully followed Emily to English, trying his
best to seem interested in what she had to say. And he wasn't too sure what she
had to say.
However, he did manage to tune back into Emily's rambling conversation when he
heard Shaun's name.
"What?" He asked, interrupting whatever Emily had been saying.
She smiled. "Maybe we should just talk about this later."
Jesse was about to suggest that she simply repeat what she'd just said about
Shaun, but he realized that she was right. Now really wasn't the time. English
was about to start and the pretty teacher, Miss Stevens, was already writing on
the board.
Scowling, Jesse acquiesced.
Emily was gabbing about something different after English, however, and as much
as Jesse wanted to know what she'd been talking about before, he couldn't find
an opening to ask. Luckily, Kenny unknowingly picked up his sister's line of
conversation a few minutes later at lunch.
"You're still hanging out with Shaun, then?" He asked as soon as Jesse sat down
beside him.
"Ah…yeah." Jesse said, poking at his 'mystery' casserole.
"He hasn't tried to kill you yet?" Jordan leaned around Kenny to look at him.
"No," Jesse laughed. "Does he try to kill people a lot?"
The jam-packed table suddenly became deadly silent. Jesse actually got the
shivers.
"Does he?" He asked again.
"My brother knows this kid who used to live around here. He told my brother
that Shaun threatened to skin him alive. Just because the guy accidentally hit
Shaun with his book bag." Jordan said authoritatively. "That kid no longer goes
to this school for that very reason."
"A couple years ago, there was this rumor that Shaun was killing people because
like every few days he'd come to school with blood on his clothes." Sunny said
dramatically. Lee and Rick nodded to verify her story.
"Once Alicia told Shaun he smelled bad and like the next day she had this note
in her locker and it was just this list of all these weapons he had and how he
was going to use them on her." Sara said, flipping her blond hair over her
shoulder and throwing Alicia a worried look. Alicia didn't say anything, but
the disturbed look on her face said more than words could have.
"And he fucking broke Eric's nose the other day." Kenny added, pointing to Eric
who was sitting at the other end of the table. He had a big bandage over said
nose. "You saw his face, same as I did. That wasn't a fucking accident."
That was quite a laundry list against Shaun, but Jesse was hardly convinced. If
this was the kind of stuff Sam had been telling the twins then Jesse didn't
care. Most of that was just Shaun's rotten personality showing through. Shaun
couldn't help himself and Jesse was learning that sometimes it was a lot easier
for Shaun to be hateful and mean than it was for him to be a civilized.
So, if everyone was scared of rumors and a few heated words, then Jesse could
continue to just ignore them.
Kenny went on, spouting some more anti-Shaun gossip while Jesse surreptitiously
met Shaun's eyes across the lunchroom.
As usual, whenever Jesse was with the 'in' crowd, Shaun glared at him extra
hard. But Jesse today Jesse smiled at his friend and rolled his eyes in Kenny's
direction. Shaun didn't look all that amused, but he did stop the whole death
glare thing. If anybody else noticed him making eyes at Shaun across the room,
Jesse didn't care. Though he didn't think anybody was paying him that close of
attention, they were all busy discussing how much they hated the sullen boy
across the room.
"You're still coming with us to church tonight?" Emily asked when the bell
finally rang signaling the end of lunch.
"Yep."
Emily and her brother might be boring him to death with their rumors and
gossip, but Emily still had a pretty face. And he still wanted to undress her
and have little fun under the covers…
"That's so great. I wish more people our age were more passionate about
religion."
Jesse's smile was strained and in the back of his head he could hear Shaun
mocking him.
"Did you tell her you hate God?"
Jesse shook his head and promised Emily that he'd see her later on the bus.
By the time gym rolled around, it was raining outside so the gym teacher
declared that they'd have to play basketball inside. The entire time Jesse was
getting dressed with Kenny, he kept wondering where Shaun was. It wasn't until
they came out of the locker room that Jesse spotted the sullen boy talking to
the gym teacher. He watched them interact for a few moments, both parties
growing progressively angrier. Finally, Shaun turned and simply stormed out of
the room.
"Wonder what that's about?" Kenny said, following Jesse's gaze.
Jesse turned away guiltily. "C'mon," he said, and he went to line up with the
others for teams.
Shaun wasn't on the bus after school.
It was raining pretty hard, though and it had been ever since gym. Jesse
wondered if Shaun had walked home or if he'd gone through with his plan to
shoot things in the woods. He didn't know very much about guns…alright he knew
nothing about them… but he didn't think using a gun in this kind of weather was
a good idea.
He wished Shaun could have just come with him.
"So, are you sure you'll be alright by yourself tonight?" Jesse asked Sam a few
hours after they got home. Monica had had a similar conversation with Sam that
morning and really, Sam had watched the twins on his own before and nobody
thought it was terribly unreasonable for him to watch them for a few hours.
"Yes!" Sam cried, annoyed. He was sitting in front of the TV, playing Call of
Duty again. He still didn't have internet, so he was just playing a regular
mission. The twins were watching him, but they were already looking antsy.
"You don't have to be on top of them the whole night," Jesse advised his little
brother. "But you need to keep an eye on them."
"Alright already!" Sam yelled, his patience running thin. Irritated at being
ignored, Jesse stepped in front of the TV. Sam tried to kick Jesse out of his
line of sight, sighing in frustration and throwing himself to the side when he
realized Jesse wouldn't be moved.
"Mom will be home early. By 9 at the latest."
"I know!"
"Mom doesn't want you cooking anything. There's leftovers in the fridge. Nuke
'em in the microwave and clean up your mess."
"I know what to do! Shit!"
"And don't be scaring them again! Last time Tyler couldn't sleep for a week
because you had him so riled up with your 'bedtime' story."
"Jesse! Leave me alone!"
The redhead looked down at his snarling little brother. He wondered if Shaun
really did have a point. Sam was kind of a cunt.
Outside there was the sound of a car pulling into the gravel driveway, followed
shortly by the sound of a beeping horn.
"That's my ride. I've got to go."
"Bye!" Allison called. Tyler wasn't one for goodbyes, waving halfheartedly over
his shoulder, looking a little gloomy.
"Good riddance." Sam hissed under his breath, just loud enough for Jesse, still
standing over him, to hear.
"You're a brat." Jesse knocked the X-Box controller out of his brother's hands
as he went by, enjoying his yell of annoyance. He might have cursed him as
well, but Jesse was already out the door.
"Hi." Emily said as Jesse jumped into the truck. It was still raining heavily
and he shook himself off, doing a good imitation of a dog and forcing a laugh
from Emily. It was warm in the cab; the music was loud again and he liked being
pressed up against Emily's soft thigh.
He smiled at everyone. "Hey guys."
"I think you're going to get introduced to the congregation today." Kenny said
over the music as he backed down the driveway. Once they were back on the road,
he grinned toothily at Jesse.
"What?"
"I told my parents that you're coming. They told the pastor. He loves new
guests." Emily said.
"Oh?"
"You'll see." Kenny said back, smiling.
The church was a tiny, one room kind of deal. The dirt parking lot was packed
and after they found a spot, they rushed through the rain and the puddles and
hurried through the heavy wooden doors.
It looked larger inside than out. It was well lit, the ceiling vaulted and the
room was divided by two rows of pews, most of them full of parishioners. At the
front stood an older gentleman, obviously the pastor. He had a white robe on.
"You taking him up?" Kenny asked his sister.
"Yep. Find mom and dad," Emily took Jesse's hand and led him into the pulpit.
"Father Noel!" Emily greeted the pastor as they approached. The gray-haired man
beamed. "This is my new friend, Jesse. He just moved into town."
"This is the boy you were thinking of inviting, how lovely," said Father Noel.
"Would you mind if I introduced you to everyone? I think that would go over
nicely."
"Uh, sure," Jesse rubbed the back of his neck, already feeling hot and itchy.
It looked like half the town was here!
"Good, good." Father Noel put his arm around Jesse and Emily seemed to melt
into the crowd. Before Jesse knew it, he was literally being introduced to the
whole room, choruses of hellos and welcomes came from the crowd and then Emily
was back, grabbing his hand, pulling him down the aisle and into a pew near the
front. She sat him next to Kenny, taking his other side. An older couple was on
Kenny's other side and they leaned forward to introduce themselves as Emily and
Kenny's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Taylor. Jesse gave them a stupid smile. Fuck, his
head was spinning!
Service started, songs were sung, Jesse mostly stared forward at Father Noel
but beside him, Emily was praising and worshiping, totally involved. She kept
grabbing Jesse's hand, trying to get him involved as well, but Jesse continued
to feel overwhelmed, out of place and a tad embarrassed. Fuck he couldn't wait
for this to be over.
It was only an hour but when Father Noel finally called it quits, the room
erupted into casual banter. Mrs. Taylor, a beautiful blond woman, suggested
Kenny and Emily bring their friend down the road to the diner.
"Let us meet your new friend," she said.
"Ah, ma'am, I appreciate the offer, but I've got five brothers and sisters
waiting for me. I kind of skipped out of babysitting to be here."
He couldn't have picked a better excuse. Mrs. Taylor smiled brilliantly and
invited him over to dinner another time. Rain check!
"Do you really have to go home?" Emily asked once she, her brother and Jesse
were back in the car.
"My brother's probably terrorizing the twins by now."
"You poor thing," Emily said.
"Talk about lame," Kenny snorted.
"Shut up," Emily said, giving her brother the evil eye. "Did you hear Father
Noel announce the youth dance? That sounds like so much fun!"
"I must have missed it," Jesse said.
The ride back was short and Jesse all but leapt from the truck when they got
back to his place.
"Can you come next week?" Emily simpered.
"Let me make sure, before I promise."
"See you tomorrow?"
"Of course."
Emily smiled as Jesse shut the truck's door. He waved and off they went.
Fuck, that was weird, Jesse thought as he went back inside. He'd felt so
uncomfortable and tense and he'd just wanted to escape. There was no point
going back to church. Emily had fucking annoyed him the entire time. It hadn't
been his thing anyway. He'd rather babysit with Shaun and sneak a little smoke
break in here and there when they could.
"What are you doing back?" Sam jumped when Jesse came in. He was still involved
with his Call of Duty session.
"What the fuck was I thinking? Church?" Jesse sat beside his brother. "I had to
get out of there."
"Yeah, that sounds pretty boring."
"Can we double team this?" Jesse asked, gesturing to the Xbox.
Sam grinned. "Thought you'd never ask. And I'm glad Mr. Meanie isn't here.
You're making the strangest friends, lately."
"He's not mean," said Jesse. And then grabbed the second controller before his
brother could elaborate. "C'mon! I want to play."
"I'm going to murder you," said Sam and the two boys got to it.
***
"I did it, man." Jesse said the minute Shaun was within earshot.
"Did what?" Shaun grunted. He sat hesitantly beside Jesse. The redhead barely
noticed his reluctance though, he was so excited.
"I did church." Jesse elaborated, smiling. "It was brutal, but Emily loved me
for it."
"Great." Shaun said sourly.
The sullen boy's rotten mood finally drew Jesse's attention. Shaun was scowling
again, looking terribly unhappy. He also smelled kind of bad, worse than usual,
and he was wearing the same clothes he'd had on yesterday, a grungy checkered
shirt and dirt splattered jeans. His hair was even more tangled and messy than
yesterday.
But what got Jesse's attention the most was the weird bulge under Shaun's
sleeve.
"What's that?" Jesse asked as he poked the bulge.
Shaun hissed. "Don't do that!"
"Sorry." Jesse held up his hands up. "But what is it? Huh?"
Shaun faltered, but finally he pulled back his sleeve and exposed a bloody mass
of gauze that covered his arm from wrist to elbow.
"Oh my god! What happened?!" Jesse's voice went up an octave. It looked like
his friend had suffered some serious fucking injury in the hours they'd been
apart. "Christ!"
"I ah…" Shaun held his mangled arm out, surveying it calmly. "I went
hunting…like I said I was going to—"
"And did that?" Jesse touched Shaun's elbow gently, drawing his arm into his
lap. He couldn't see what of damage had been done through the gauze, but there
was just so much blood!
"I fell." Shaun said blankly.
"On what?  A knife?!"
Shaun stiffened beside him, taking his arm back and yanking the sleeve down
over the bandages. "It's fine," he growled.
"Can you even move your hand?" Jesse asked, horrified by Shaun's bland reaction
to his own bodily harm.
"Fuck you." Shaun put his hand in Jesse's face and proceeded to wiggle his
fingers. He only had to stifle the urge to wince a little… he probably thought
that was ok. "I'm fine." He said angrily. "Shit…"
Jesse wasn't convinced. "Let's go to the nurse when we get to school. I'll come
with you."
"Don't need her. I already had my Grandpa look at it." Shaun said sullenly.
"Did you really?" He wasn't surprised when Shaun merely folded his arms in
answer. "You're impossible, you know that?" Jesse huffed.
Shaun was a hard person to like. He was gruff and mean, rough around the edges
if you will. Stubborn to a fault, unable to take any sort of criticism without
biting your head off. He was also stupid and too proud to take well-meaning
help from anybody.
"Shut up." he groused.
Frowning, Jesse did just that. Shaun certainly made it hard for anyone to get
close to him, but Jesse was more than up for the challenge, even if Shaun
annoyed the crap out of him half the time.
Jesse could be stubborn too.
"So, are you done talking to me now?" Shaun snapped at the end of Chemistry.
Normally Jesse was talkative and energetic during the one class Shaun allowed
them to sit together in, but today the redhead had been stone silent.
"I didn't know I was allowed to. I thought you wanted me to shut up." Jesse
said slowly. He was angry still, but mostly he wanted Shaun to acknowledge him
on his own terms. There was no reason for Shaun to yell at him like that. He
was only trying to help.
"You're a fucking dick, you know that?" Shaun scowled, though he sounded more
defensive than anything else. All this over some hunting accident?
"How am I being a dick?" Jesse asked in exasperation, glaring at his friend. "I
just want to help you."
"I—" Shaun rudely pushed past Jesse, hitting him with his backpack. "C'mon." He
growled.
Rolling his eyes, Jesse followed Shaun into the hall.
"Just drop it, alright? I'm fine." Shaun said when they were halfway to
history.
"Shaun…" Jesse whined, grabbing the other boy's good arm.
"Don't touch me, fag." Shaun hissed, pulling away and marching off towards the
classroom. Jesse trailed behind him.
"Are you alright?" Emily asked the second Jesse sat down beside her.
Jesse shrugged. "I'm fine." He lied, figuring if Shaun could get away with it,
then he should be allowed to as well.
Class was boring as usual. They were studying World War II or something, not
that Jesse could really pay attention. He kept glancing behind him at Shaun,
who continued to linger in the back row.
Twice he caught Shaun's eye and twice he quickly looked away to avoid his
piercing stare.
"Me and Kenny were wondering this morning on the bus if you're going to hang
out with all of us on Friday night again." Emily said as they walked to English
class later. "You had fun, didn't you?"
"Oh, yeah." Jesse hadn't really thought about it. He had sort of thought he and
Shaun would hang out again like they had been for most of the week. They might
be able to do something after Monica came home too. Maybe they could go hang
out at Shaun's place and get away from all the kids. He was sure Shaun would be
over his little funk by then.
"Is that a yes?" Emily giggled, fluttering her pretty lashes at Jesse. The
redhead barely noticed.
"I'm not sure—"
"We could pick you up at 9. Like last week. You don't have to babysit all
night, right?" Emily asked, sounding somewhat desperate.
"I just—"
"Well, think about it, ok? It was so much fun hanging out with you last weekend
and on Wednesday." Emily touched Jesse's arm, squeezing in an overly friendly
gesture. Finally, Jesse's wandering attention was caught.
"It was fun." He said cautiously, meeting Emily's bright eyes. She was smiling
and batting her eyes so much it was a wonder she hadn't exhausted herself yet.
"I was meaning to ask you…" Emily trailed off, finally starting to appear a
little embarrassed. "Well, I was just wondering if you wanted to come to the
youth ministry dance with me on Saturday."
"As like a date?" Jesse blurted out as he stopped in the doorway to the English
classroom.
Emily, her hand still firmly attached to Jesse's arm, finished pulling him
inside. She led him over to his desk and waited for him to sit as she stood
over him, fidgeting with the purple scrunchie on her wrist.
"If you wanted to call it a date well… I wouldn't mind." She said shyly,
looking at Jesse from under her lowered lashes.
"Oh." Jesse's said. "Sure. I'd love to go with you."
"Great." Emily drew back with a pleased little smile. "It's a date then."
"Yeah." Jesse grinned, watching Emily head over to her own desk.
People were watching them with interest, but Jesse didn't mind. He didn't know
a lot of these kids anyway. Plus, he had a date!
He was one step closer to getting laid!
Emily sat right next to Jesse during lunch, talking excitedly about… something.
Jesse found it kind of hard to listen to her sometimes. She just went
arbitrarily from one topic to another. She started talking about a movie the
whole group wanted to go see on Friday and ended up discussing the merits of
high heels and flat shoes.
"I don't know, my legs look good in heels. I like the extra height too." She
was saying. "But flats can be cute. My older sister got me these silver ones in
New York. They're so trendy." she gushed.
"Hmm." Jesse murmured, for lack of anything else to say. Personally, he didn't
really care what a girl had on her feet.
"Maybe I'll wear them to the dance Saturday. I mean, they're way better to
dance in, right?"
"Uh huh." Jesse said.
Luckily Emily was too wrapped up in her own voice to notice Jesse's boredom and
she went on like that for the rest of the lunch period.
Embarrassingly though, someone had noticed.
"So, you're taking my sister to the dance?" Kenny asked as they came into the
locker room, though he obviously knew perfectly well that he was.
"Yeah. She asked me." Jesse ruffled a hand through his hair, feeling a little
awkward about it. He'd never been friends with a prospective girlfriend's
brother. Kenny was a pretty cool guy, but he got the vibe that if he fucked up
in any way Kenny might kill him.
"That's good. She was talking about it last night with our parents." Kenny
said. "Did she mention that they invited you to dinner Saturday if you agree?"
"Oh, no. She didn't say." Jesse said, pulling his t-shirt off as a brief
distraction.
"Fuck, man." Eric laughed, slapping Jesse on the back and causing him to wince.
Eric still had the bandage on his face, the bruising around his nose was
extensive, but the bandage helped to hide the worst of it. "First date and
you've already gotta meet the parents." Eric jeered.
"I met them yesterday at church," Jesse said.
"Fuck! The pressure!" Eric laughed.
"Hey, you know what they're like." Kenny said. "They might have refused to let
you guys go out if they hadn't seen you Wednesday. They think going to church
immediately means you can be trusted."
Eric snorted and Kenny rolled his eyes at the other jock. Putting an arm around
Jesse's bare shoulders Kenny drew the other boy close.
"Just because they're easily won over, doesn't mean I am." He said in a low and
possibly dangerous tone of voice. "I like you, Jesse, but you better be nice to
my sister."
Jesse nodded, highly embarrassed. Maybe he should have gone for Sunny or maybe
even Alicia instead of Emily. At least they didn't have brothers who would beat
him up. Or at least he didn't think they did.
"Your good, man. Calm down." Kenny laughed, slapping Jesse playfully on the
back like Eric had. "I'm just warning you."
"Yeah, I know." Jesse said awkwardly, returning to his locker and retrieving
his gym shirt. He quickly pulled it over his head.
Behind him, Shaun slammed his locker. He was dressed in his baggy sweats and
his stained yellow hoodie. He didn't look once at Jesse but he again got the
feeling Shaun was pissed.
"Did he do something to you?" Eric said, following Jesse's eyes as he watched
Shaun storm out of the locker room.
"We tried to tell you he was trouble, dude." Kenny said.
"He didn't do anything." Jesse said. "He's just—"
"A freak?" Eric supplied.
"No." Jesse said, trying not to get angry. "He's just moody today."
That made Eric and Kenny laugh, which hadn't really been what Jesse had been
going for. He ignored the two jocks, and finished dressing. They were annoying
him.
It was nice today, the sun was out, drying up the rain from yesterday. The
class went out to play touch football and the gym teacher divvied up the teams,
just to be fair, putting an equal number of good players on both teams. Jesse
kept sneaking glances at Shaun, wondering – hoping more like – that they'd get
put on the same team.
Strangely though, the gym teacher didn't put Shaun on a team. Jesse was on the
verge of getting really pissed off on behalf of his friend, mad that the dumb
ass teacher had forgotten to include his best friend, but he needn't have
worried.
Once the teams had been given out, the gym teacher pointed a finger at Shaun,
glaring at him expectantly. Jesse had no idea what that was supposed to mean,
but Shaun did.
He turned and walked off towards the edge of their makeshift football field,
picking up his pace gradually until he was running. Jesse watched as he began
to make laps around the field, looking red faced and angry.
"Ok guys, let's play." The gym teacher said, ignoring Shaun and his laps.
Everyone else ignored him too. Obviously, this was a semi-regular occurrence.
Jesse was decent at football and even though he wasn't into it at the moment,
he managed not to embarrass himself completely.
He found it incredibly hard not to watch Shaun running. He wasn't very good at
it. He didn't know how to pace himself. He just ran flat out for as long as he
could before slowing considerably.
When he passed near Jesse, the redhead could see how exhausted the other boy
was. He looked like he was about to collapse. But Shaun never went slower than
a jog. The one time he tried, the gym teacher yelled across the field at him to
stop slacking. It was the only time he'd acknowledged Shaun's struggles and
Jesse felt another spike of anger on his friend's behalf.
Thankfully, class ended soon and the teacher called everybody back inside.
Shaun stopped right where he was and collapsed back in the grass.
Jesse should have followed everyone else back to the locker room, Eric and
Kenny even tried to get him to come with them, but he brushed them off and
headed to Shaun's side by some stupid compulsion he couldn't repress.
"What the hell was that all that about?" Jesse asked, sinking into the grass at
Shaun's side. The other boy was covered in sweat, his face was dripping in it,
and his hair was matted and reeking. His hoodie was completely soaked with
perspiration.
"I—I had to—do it—instead—instead of—detention." Shaun wheezed."
"What?" Jesse gazed at Shaun with concern.
He held his hand up impatiently and he sat for a few moments, breathing hard.
Sighing, Jesse looked around. They'd been left completely alone in the field.
There wasn't a soul in sight. Just the manicured lawn of the school, the
football field and the stadium seats. Beyond that were more woods, the same
thick and unruly jungle that was behind his and Shaun's houses. Jesse felt
strangely vulnerable out here with all the wide-open space. Unconsciously, he
scooted closer to Shaun, putting a hand on his knee.
"Coach Vance made me run laps for skipping class. He does the same to everyone,
but I'm usually the only one he makes run the whole period like that." Shaun
said, with only a few pauses for breathing.
"You could get sick running like that." Jesse said, concerned. "You should at
least get to stop for water or something."
"I'm fine, Jesse." Shaun said again, though in his exhaustion he wasn't nearly
as rude about it as he had been this morning.
"We are friends…aren't we?" Jesse asked after another minute of silence.
"Yeah." Shaun said slowly, almost reluctantly, and then as he wiped his face
with his sleeve his expression turned into one of determination. "I told you we
fucking are."
Jesse fought a smile. "Then is it ok if I care about you?" He asked,
unsurprised when Shaun paused at that, glancing almost shyly at Jesse. "Friends
are allowed to be worried about each other and want the best for them. Right?"
"I don't know." Shaun admitted after a significant pause. He looked away
uncomfortably.
"Well then, will you just take my word for it? It's ok if you let me worry
about you. Nothing bad's going to happen."
"I don't want you to see it." Shaun blurted suddenly.
"What's that?" Jesse asked, rubbing Shaun's knee in encouragement.
Shaun looked down at Jesse's hand on his leg, surprisingly calm about the
unwarranted touching.
"I don't want you to see." He repeated softly.
It took a minute for Jesse to parse any sort of meaning from Shaun's softly
spoken words. He finally realized what Shaun was referring to…
"Your arm?"
"Yeah." Shaun said and for once he seemed even more vulnerable than Jesse. Or
maybe he was always this vulnerable and he'd just been doing a good job at
hiding it. Either way, Jesse scooted closer until he could rest his head on
Shaun's shoulder.
"Alright." He said. He didn't like it, but he also didn't want to fight about
it either.
"I don't want you to be worried." Shaun said, his hand coming up to touch the
edges of Jesse's hair.
Jesse closed his eyes. He'd fully expected Shaun to push him off. Especially
after the 'fag' comment earlier. But as Shaun's fingers hesitantly rubbed along
the back of his neck and up into the springy red hair at the nape of his neck,
he couldn't help but grin.
"That's what good friends do, so you should get used to it." He said
pleasantly.
"Hmm." Jesse could feel Shaun's breath on his ear and he shivered. It felt
good. Weird but good.
"I'm so late to my last class." Jesse said to distract them both from their
weird embrace. Shaun's fingers were still rubbing the back of his neck,
ghosting through his hair. He really didn't want him to stop.
"Want to skip?"
"Yeah."
Without a second thought about his clothes still in the locker room or the fact
that Emily would probably be expecting him to sit by her on the bus home, Jesse
stood, giving Shaun a hand up. Then the two of them started walking home.
They held hands for a few seconds. It was probably an accident. Jesse had just
been trying to help Shaun stand up and Shaun, a little off balance, might have
just needed Jesse's hand for extra support.
But it had happened and for some reason Jesse didn't let it go like he normally
would. He kept thinking about it.
Since it was early still and Jesse didn't have to be home anytime soon, when
they finally managed to trudge their way to Shaun's house, he asked if he could
come in.
Shaun tensed immediately.
"My grandma's home."
"So? Are you embarrassed or something? You've met my mom." Jesse said.
"I don't really want her to meet you." Shaun said sourly.
"Well…" Jesse struggled to come up with something that would get him into
Shaun's house. For some reason he didn't really want to leave the other boy.
"I'll be really rude and I won't even look at her." he said lamely. "You could
sneak me in?" He suggested, on the verge of begging.
"My room's a mess." Shaun said, pulling his long sleeves down over his hands.
"And mine's clean?" Jesse laughed. "C'mon." He pleaded. "I'm so tired of being
cooped up in my house. Let me come over."
Shaun sighed heavily, obviously beginning to get annoyed and attempting to hold
back his temper. "I don't really want you to come in." He said, his teeth
gritted. "I'd rather be at your house."
Jesse sighed. He supposed he should have seen this coming. Shaun was such a
private person. It would probably kill him if someone found out he had the
bedroom of a normal teenage boy, filled with dirty clothes, useless junk, porn,
and posters of lame bands all over the walls.
"Alright. Fine." He'd already let him get away with a lot of shit today, why
not let him get away with this? "But you'll be over later, right?"
"Yeah." Shaun said, sounding defensive again. Jesse nearly rolled his eyes, but
he managed to catch himself.
"See you later, then." Jesse said before he turned to walk the rest of the way
home. He'd get to take a shower and get out of his smelly gym clothes at least.
That was a definite plus.
Sometime while in the shower, in between washing his hair and masturbating,
Jesse remembered his date with Emily. He'd completely forgotten about it. He
hadn't even mentioned it during the walk home when Shaun had briefly mentioned
Emily – or the 'snobby bitch' as he called her.
He dried off in his room, hunting through the pile of clothes on the floor for
something clean to wear. He finally borrowed a pair of his brother's jeans,
which were a little tight in the crotch but otherwise fit and put on a hoodie.
As if on cue, the minute he finished dressing there was a knock on the door
downstairs.
"Hey." Jesse invited Shaun in, running his fingers self-consciously through his
damp hair.
Shaun in comparison didn't look like he'd done more than change out of his gym
stuff. His frizzy hair hadn't gotten cleaned anyway. It was just as dirty and
tangled as always. Jesse wondered where he'd gotten that wild hair from.
"I got a little left." Shaun said automatically, holding out his baggy of weed.
He'd brought his pipe this time. "I'm not used to smoking so much every day. I
need to get some more."
"I'll buy it this time." Jesse said quickly, unwilling to become a leech. He
was using more than his fair share anyway.
So Jesse was a little confused when Shaun firmly said, "No."
Jesse stared at Shaun blankly for a moment. "What do you mean, no?" He asked.
"Don't talk to him. Kyle's a fucking faggot." Shaun said carelessly, moving
into the living room.
"What?" Jesse asked again, now thoroughly bewildered. "He's not gay."
"How the fuck would you know? You only met him once."
Ok, now that was weird.
"How do you know that?"
Shaun stood with his back to Jesse, his shoulders hunching up defensively. "He
told me. He met you at that party." Shaun said after a minute.
Jesse frowned, moving around Shaun and pulling the other boy down and onto the
couch. "I don't see what that has to do with anything. I'm just buying weed
from some guy. It's not like I'm going to suck him off."
"You might." Shaun grumbled. He sat stiffly on the couch, holding his
paraphernalia in his lap. "If he gives you a good price or something."
"Oh, fuck you. What do you think I am? A hooker?" Jesse drew his foot up so he
could kick Shaun in the side. Shaun grunted, but otherwise didn't react. "And
besides, what does it matter to you."
"If you turn gay, then we can't be friends anymore." Shaun said flatly.
"…What?" He just couldn't believe they were having this discussion.
"You fucking heard me." Shaun grumbled.
"So, now you're homophobic?"
"I'm not afraid of gay guys." Shaun said, easing his chin up. "I don't want
people thinking I'm gay for being around them!"
Jesse laughed. "Is that all?"
"Fuck you." Shaun started to pack the bowl of his pipe with the remains of his
weed.
"Nobody thinks you're gay. You're the manliest guy I know." So that explained
all the 'fag' stuff. Why he always got nervous whenever Jesse touched him.
"Yeah right. I'm sure they told you I'm weird and a fag." Shaun said sullenly,
lighting up and taking a hit. He didn't hand it to Jesse afterwards like he
usually did, but Jesse was too interested in the conversation to demand his
turn.
"They do not! If you really want to know what everyone says about you—"
"Fuck you! I know what they say about me! I've only lived with it for years!"
"Well, not once did anybody say anything about you being… gay."
Shaun frowned down at the pipe. "Are you fucking sure?"
"Yes." Jesse rolled his eyes. "They all think you're dangerous. I've been
warned multiple times to stay away from you. They seem to think you'll murder
me or something."
Instead of relieving the other boy, this only seemed to make him angrier.
"Fuck them all."
"Yeah, that's what I think too. I know you wouldn't hurt anybody." Jesse
confidently announced.
"You don't know shit."
"Gee, thanks." Jesse snatched the pipe from Shaun, taking a hit as well. "I try
to cheer you up and you tell me to fuck myself."
"Oh, I'm so fucking sorry." Shaun snapped. "I don't want people thinking I'm a
fag, because around here, that gives people license to do just about anything
they want. They hate me now, because I'm not like them. They're afraid of me."
Shaun said with more than a hint of bitterness. "But if they think I'm a
cocksucker… it'll be too fucking much for them."
"What do you care? I don't understand?"
Shaun was silent for so long Jesse was sure he was being ignored purposefully.
Jesse drew himself up, ready to demand an answer from the stubborn boy, but
finally he spoke.
"I've only got a few more months until I'm 18." Shaun said quietly. "Then I can
get the fuck out of here for good and I'll never have to think about this
hellhole, or anyone in it, again."
Jesse didn't know what to say to that, so he said nothing. They passed the pipe
around a few more times until they ran out of weed. It was just in time too as
seconds later Sam came in.
"Hey stoners." He said sarcastically. His eyes darted to Shaun, surveying the
older boy with weird look on his face. "So, you're skipping school to smoke
now? Are you gonna drop out?"
"What's it to you?" Jesse still remembered the weird way Sam had been acting
that morning. He was being bossy? Well maybe Sam could go fuck off.
"I don't know. I always thought it'd be cool to have a delinquent for an older
brother."
"Oh, yeah. Good one." Jesse laughed. Sam smirked at him like he'd really
accomplished something. "Fuck off, Sam."
Sam started upstairs, pausing just long enough to flick Jesse off.
"Jerk." Jesse muttered.
"What's that all about?" Shaun asked nonchalantly, like he didn't care and
really, it was very possible that he didn't.
"I don't know. You, probably."
"Oh." That drew Shaun up short.
"Don't worry about it." Jesse said immediately, ironically pushing Shaun's
concerns aside, just like Shaun had been doing to him earlier. Shaun must not
have noticed because he only nodded and dropped the subject.
The rest of the night continued with the same sort of routine they'd been
setting since Monday. The twins came home, hassled Shaun until he'd had enough
and Jesse sent them upstairs. Monica dropped the babies off and amusingly
enough she placed Brian in Shaun's lap.
"I think you've got a new friend, Shaun. All Brian ever talks about is his cool
new friend."
Shaun flushed, ruffling Brian's hair before he moved the toddler off of his lap
and onto the couch between him and Jesse. Brian smiled worshipfully up at the
older boy.
Monica had even brought pizza for everybody so Jesse didn't have to cook again.
For some reason, cutting up a piece of pizza into tiny bits for Lissa to eat
reminded Jesse of Emily and he finally managed to bring it up at dinner.
"I'm going to a dance with Emily on Saturday."
"Ohhhhh! Jesse's got a girlfriend!" Allison and Tyler sang at the same time.
Sam continued to look bitterly jealous.
Shaun snorted loudly, scowling down at his half-eaten pizza.
Jesse could read the intense displeasure on Shaun's face and he spoke quickly,
hoping to placate his friend. "I know you hate her and all but—"
Shaun cut him off with a single glare. Jesse frowned, wishing the kids would
leave so he could talk to him in private. As it was, he waited impatiently for
Shaun to finish eating before he dragged him upstairs. He called some more
'bossy' orders over his shoulder for Sam to watch everyone until he got back.
He heard the younger boy huffing with indignation.
"Ok… what's your problem now?"
At least Shaun didn't play coy, he immediately spat, "I hate that bitch."
"Right. So, one minute you're afraid everyone's going to think you're gay for
me or something, and then the next you yell at me for getting a girlfriend? Do
you have any idea how contradictory you are?"
Shaun glared at him. "Emily's a fucking cunt." He hissed.
Jesse felt a vague urge to stand up for his potential girlfriend – if he could
call her that – and he pushed Shaun hard, forcing him backwards. Shaun nearly
stumbled over a pile of clothes, but he caught himself with a growl of
frustration.
"Why are you doing this? Why are you so mean? Can't you just be happy for me?"
Jesse couldn't help the strange feeling growing in the pit of his stomach, a
combination of disappointment, anger, and something fragile that made him
queasy. "We're friends."
"I never wanted a friend." Shaun said darkly, advancing on Jesse, forcing the
smaller boy back without even laying a hand on him. "And I don't need you
always in my fucking face."
"But—"
"Just leave me the fuck alone!" Shaun shouted, towering over Jesse. "You will
anyway. Once you start cozying up with that fucking slut." With a grim, almost
pained look, Shaun shouldered past Jesse and left the bedroom. There were a few
seconds of silence before Jesse heard the front door open and slam.
Shaun was gone.
Feeling a little shaken, Jesse went to sit on the edge of Sam's bed.
Shaun was jealous, Jesse thought. He was afraid Emily would take him away. That
she would make Jesse hate Shaun just like everyone else did.
So in other words, he cared. He didn't want Jesse to disappear. He didn't want
him to leave him alone, even though he constantly acted like he did…
And once again it was Shaun's pride and his unwillingness to let anyone in,
that was getting between the two of them. Jesse was going to have to fight
this. He had to make sure Shaun knew that he wasn't going to leave him behind.
In fact, there wasn't anything anyone could tell him that would make him want
to stop being Shaun's friend, now.
He'd never felt this strongly about anyone before and while the fact that Jesse
was slowly becoming one of the most important people in Shaun's life was
certainly a heady feeling, it wasn't the only reason he felt the need to be
with Shaun. There was something else there. It was in Shaun's reluctant smiles,
his possessiveness towards Jesse, the shy way Shaun touched him…
The redhead tried not to think about that though. Remembering the other boy's
hesitant touch made him feel dizzy and hot.
"Did you guys break up?" Sam poked his head into the room, giving Jesse a nasty
look.
Jesse blushed. "Go away!"
Sam laughed, delighted with Jesse's reaction. He ducked back into the hallway
and disappeared.
Jesse sighed as he was left to himself again. He wanted desperately to follow
after Shaun. He wanted to talk to him, to make him understand that he liked him
more than he did Emily…, but, Jesse shouldn't really leave the kids here by
themselves.
Plus, he kind of thought it'd be best to let Shaun cool off. He had a feeling
if he tried to make him see reason he might react with more anger.
"Is Shaun real mad?"
Jesse glanced up to see Brian shuffling into his room. He looked disappointed.
"A little." Jesse sighed. He patted the edge of Sam's bed and Brian climbed up
next to him and leaned into his side. "He'll get over it though."
"He said we were gonna watch Rambo today." The little blond boy whined.
"You guys will watch it later." He said, brushing the toddler's hair back in a
soothing manner. "It's not like he's never coming back."
"Are you sure?"
"Sure hope so." The redhead said, trying not to get the boy's hopes up too
much.      
They'd talk tomorrow. He promised himself. He'd see him first thing in the
morning after all. But for now, he had to stay here. He was reminded of his
responsibilities when he could hear Lissa crying downstairs and Sam's muffled
yelling. With a sigh, he got up to investigate.
The next day Jesse waited eagerly for Shaun to get on the bus. He'd spent the
night before, after putting Sam and the twins in timeout for antagonizing
Lissa, coming up with a speech. He was rather proud of it and he'd considered
writing it down, maybe getting it published into a self-help book called 'How
to Take Care of Your Impossible Best Friend'.
And when the bus stopped in front of Shaun's house, he impatiently waited for
him to get on. But the bus shut the door and drove on without anyone getting
on.
That was weird. Did Shaun miss school a lot? He'd only known him for… almost 2
weeks, so it could be possible, but somehow Jesse didn't think he would. If
anything, he would have thought Shaun's supposedly mean grandma would have made
him go.
Oh, maybe that was it! He didn't want to be around Jesse right now, so he'd
asked for a ride to school. He'd probably be in Chemistry, his usual sour self.
Maybe Jesse wouldn't be able to deliver his excellent speech in a classroom,
but he could wait. He could write him a note anyway.
He had to forget about it for the moment though, as since Shaun was missing
Emily, Kenny and the rest of the gang all decided to come sit in the back with
Jesse. None of them commented on Shaun's absence, but they did mention the
movie they were all going to that night.
Jesse was invited again, and not wanting to say outright that he wasn't
interested, Jesse said he might have to babysit all night. Kenny gave him a
weird look, but Emily optimistically informed him to just 'wait and see'.
Jesse didn't see Shaun anywhere before first period, not that he was all that
discouraged. Shaun was more than likely hiding from him. So, during first
period Jesse wrote and discarded several notes. Jordan continued to look
curiously over his shoulder at all of Jesse's scribbling and asked
sarcastically if he was writing Emily a love note.
It seemed everyone knew about that now. Jesse was a little embarrassed,
especially since he knew Jordan liked Emily.
By the time Chemistry rolled around, Jesse was ready for a confrontation. When
he got to his seat, he sat straight up in the chair, waiting expectantly for
Shaun to amble in, scowling at everything in creation.
The late bell rang, and still Jesse waited.
And he waited through History.
And through lunch.
And gym.
But Shaun was nowhere to be found.
Jesse was more hurt than angry. Shaun didn't seem like the kind of person that
would run from his problems, but yet he'd skipped school entirely to avoid even
seeing Jesse.
On the bus ride home Jesse stoically sat beside Emily, boredly listening to her
trying to convince him to come to the movies with them. Still unwilling to
commit to a night out, he vaguely promised to call her if his plans changed. He
told her not to count on it.
Luckily, that shut her up.
Once Jesse got off the bus he didn't even bother going inside with Sam. He
turned and started walking to Shaun's house.
Sam stared after him, but he said nothing. He was so sulky lately, he'd
probably enjoy the hour or so alone until the twins came home pouting.
It didn't take Jesse very long to get to Shaun's, but once he had the other
boy's house within view he slowed down, trying to think of what to say now. He
kind of wanted to reprimand Shaun for skipping school to avoid him, but by now
all he wanted to do was beg forgiveness for himself and make sure Shaun didn't
hate him.
He was still deciding how he was going to go about it when he climbed onto
Shaun's front porch. He paused, chewing his lip nervously, but he finally
lifted his fist to knock. He stepped back when the door opened suddenly.
An old woman, Shaun's grandma the redhead realized, stood in the doorway. She
was the spitting image of Shaun. She had the same frizzy hair, the same dark
penetrating gaze, the same wide mouth. The only real difference was that her
hair was gray and she was kind of heavyset. Oh, and she was a woman of course.
"Who are you?" Shaun's grandma asked, looking rather displeased to find Jesse
on her porch.
"I'm ah…" Jesse fidgeted under her intense gaze. He really should have been
used to being stared at considering all the time Shaun stared after him, but
her gaze didn't feel as… familiar as Shaun's did. "I'm here to see Shaun? I'm a
friend of his… from school." He continued when the older woman seemed likely to
refute his claim.
She did anyway.
"Shaun doesn't have any friends." Jesse fought not to cringe. She had a shrill
voice. He was starting to understand now why Shaun disliked being around her.
He could definitely see why he'd rather be stuck co-babysitting with Jesse all
week.
"Well, I'm new in town. I live down the road." Jesse pointed the way he'd come
and the old woman looked over his shoulder skeptically. "He's been coming to my
house to help me watch my little brothers and sisters all week."
"He did say he was at a friend's house this week." Shaun's grandma slowly
admitted.
"Yes, he was talking about me. I'm Jesse." He considered holding out his hand
for her to shake, trying to be a proper gentleman, but the old woman still
looked so hostile that he decided against it. "…Is Shaun home?" He asked
instead.
"Oh, don't you know?" She replied cryptically, standing back slightly and
putting her ham like hands on her hips.
Since when had this conversation been a guessing game? "No…"
"Well, Shaun just skipped out this morning. Said he was going to play with his
band," She sneered the word. "I swear, the good Lord has his work cut out with
that boy." The old woman said, shaking her head and gazing fondly up into the
sky as if she were talking directly with God himself.
"He's… with his band?" Jesse repeated after a moment of watching the old woman
talk to her invisible deity.
Shaun's grandma glared down at him. "Are your ears working, boy? Isn't that
what I just said?"
"Well, yes, but I mean…" Jesse meant that he was hurt. Really hurt that Shaun
hadn't told him he was playing a show when Jesse had asked so many times what
his band was like, what they played, how they sounded… "Shaun didn't mention
it." He finished lamely.
"Yes well, he'll be gone all weekend." Shaun's grandma said, unintentionally
rubbing it in. "He and those cretin friends of his are practicing tonight and
playing their little show tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?!" Jesse nearly leapt at the old woman. "Saturday night?!"
Now Shaun's grandma was really looking at him funny. "Are you alright?"
"Do you know where they're playing?" Jesse pleaded.
Shaun's grandma pursed her lips. "Boy, I have no idea where my grandson is. Do
you really think he'd forget to tell you where he was going and then tell me?"
"I—"
"That boy had no consideration for anyone but himself. He's just like his
father." She said sourly. "I'll tell you one thing boy, don't expect too much
from my Shaun. All he cares about is his music, his guns and pissing me off."
And that was all well and good, but there was no way Jesse was going to miss
his chance to see Shaun's band play. What kind of a friend would he be if he
didn't show up?
"Do you at least know what his band's called?"
"Oh, it's something silly…" Shaun's grandma paused, shifting from one slippered
foot to the other. "Execute…something."
"Execute Something?" That was kind of weird.
"Execute Invasion." She said with a frown of distaste. "He carved it into the
wall one night. I had to get Eli to plaster over the whole thing."
"Oh."
"Hmm. Now, if you're done asking questions, I've got things to do."
"Of course." Jesse nodded at the old woman, glad that he'd gotten some scrap of
information. Now all he had to do was take part in some serious research.
"I'm glad to see Shaun spending time with someone who's not a total loser." She
said rudely, nodding resolutely before she slammed the door in Jesse's face. He
was too excited to care.
So, four hours later, and after calling every bar, club and restaurant within
50 miles, he finally had the name and the general location of the bar Execute
Invasion was headlining at tomorrow night!
He was so excited! He wondered if Shaun had any fan girls, wondered if there'd
be a mosh pit, or if there'd be an awesome after party, or if he'd do anything
else a famous rock star would. It was cool having a friend who was a good
enough musician that he'd been asked to play for a biker bar almost 40 miles
away.
Then his phone buzzed in his pocket and it all came rushing back.
He was supposed to be going on a date tomorrow night!
"Hello?" He said, already knowing full well who it was even though he hadn't
looked at the number.
"Hey, it's me!" Emily sounded breathy and hyperactive, even over the phone. "I
know you said you couldn't come, but I was just checking one last time."
"Uh…" Shit! How was Jesse going to break the news to Emily? He couldn't be
stuck at some fucking church dance! He had to go see Shaun's band! But he also
had to get laid! Not tomorrow, but fuck! He was halfway into Emily's pants at
this point… one right move could get him at least a make out session – possibly
some boob action – but one wrong move could get him kicked out on his ass.
Then of course, like a sign from above Jesse heard the front door open
downstairs and the sound of Monica's voice floating up the stairs.
"Can you hold on, Emily?"
"Sure." Emily sounded a little offended, Jesse's worst nightmare. An offended
girl didn't take her top off.
"Mom?" Jesse left his phone upstairs on his desk and ventured downstairs.
Monica was crouched in front of the twins, giving them a hug or something. She
looked around Jesse curiously. "Where's your friend?"
"Band practice." He said.
"Shaun's not here?" Brian cried, his cheerful little face instantly crumbling.
"He's busy." Jesse told the little blond, scooping him up as he tried to walk
around him and upstairs, possibly investigating the veracity of Jesse's claim
for himself.
"Oh, I was hoping to give you a night off. I made up an excuse and skipped out
early tonight."
Jesse tried not to cry. "Really?"
"Yeah." Monica looked dead tired, but she was already moving towards the
kitchen. "I'm going to start dinner."
Well, if there was a chance to get away from his responsibilities for a little
while, he was going to take it. Even if that meant being stuck with Emily who
was steadily becoming more and more clingy and annoying.
"Hey, sorry. I'm back." Jesse said into the phone once he'd hauled a fussy
Brian upstairs with him.
"That's ok." Emily sounded perky again now that she was being paid attention
to. "What happened?"
"Well, my mom came home early. I've got the night off."
"Oh! Great!" Emily cried and there was a moment of muttered conversation on the
other end of the line. "We'll come get you in… like 10 minutes. Is that ok?"
"Fine." Jesse didn't feel fine, he wouldn't mind being with Kenny and Eric and
the rest of the guys, but he wasn't all that keen on another dose of Emily,
though Jesse figured he should really be getting used to her. He was nearly
dating her after all.
"Is Shaun coming over?" Brian asked.
"No honey. He's busy. I'm going to see him tomorrow." Jesse said as he hung up.
"I want to come!" Brian cried, squirming to get out of Jesse's lap.
Jesse ignored the younger boy, getting up to change into a clean outfit. He was
really not in the mood for this.
"Jesse! Please!" Brian begged.
"No." Jesse snapped, trying to concentrate on what he was going to wear.
"You're so mean!" Brian yelled turning to stomp out of the room. Annoyed, Jesse
ignored his mini tantrum and picked out a clean hoodie to wear over his shirt.
He suddenly didn't care anymore.
He was still sitting huffily in his room when he heard Kenny's truck pull up in
the driveway. He really did listen to his music way too loud.
Sighing, Jesse went out to greet his friends before they came to the door.
"I'm so glad you could come with us!" Emily cried as she leapt from the truck
to throw her arms around Jesse.
"Heh, me too." He said, patting her awkwardly. He might have tried to go
further, maybe go in for a kiss, but Kenny was watching them like a hawk.
"C'mon, you two. The movie starts soon." Kenny called and Emily mercifully
released him.
Just as Jesse had suspected, Emily was incredibly clingy that night.
She was always there, touching him and looking into his eyes. She hung onto his
arm as he talked to Eric in the ticket line and hovered over his shoulder when
he was bought them drinks at the concession stand. She glared possessively when
Jesse attempted to talk to Alicia…
Emily was also a big talker during movies, it turned out. Jesse didn't mind
people who felt the need to point things out or ask questions now and then, but
Emily kept getting into these long and meandering conversations, choosing these
stupid obscure topics that had nothing to do with the movie.
Eventually, to keep himself sane, Jesse just gave up on watching the movie and
listened to her talk. It was a pretty crappy comedy anyway.
Either way, he was relieved when the movie was over and Kenny took him back
home. Everyone else was going to another party or something, but Jesse had a
headache and he made up some lame excuse to get out of it.
"Sorry you don't feel good." Emily mewled.
"It's ok." Jesse put his arm around Emily's shoulders, glad when she leaned
against his side and shut her mouth for once.
Before they dropped him off though, she did finally manage to tell him about
dinner Saturday night before the dance. Jesse had forgotten about it, but he
tried not to let his surprise show too much.
"Should I come pick you up?" Emily asked, overly concerned about their date
while Jesse was wondering how he was going to get to see Shaun's band, have
dinner with Emily, and take her to the dance.
"No, I can borrow my mom's car. It's no big deal." He said absently.
"Oh, ok." Emily bit her lip. "You won't forget, right?"
"No. Of course not." I hope I don't, Jesse thought bitterly.
"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow at 6." Emily reminded him one last time before
he got out of the truck. She shyly laid her hand across Jesse's. "Bye." She
squeezed his hand.
"Ah…yeah." Jesse gave Kenny an awkward smile as he pulled his hand away from
Emily's. "See you tomorrow."
Unfortunately, tomorrow was long in coming. He laid awake most of the night,
fretting over the whole stupid situation. He couldn't help but think if only
Shaun had bothered to mention he was playing a show then there was a good
chance he wouldn't be in this stupid predicament to begin with.
But he hadn't and now Jesse had to figure everything out himself.
He got up around noon, wishing he could have slept in longer. The sad part was
that he easily could have; Monica had taken all the kids outside to play. Jesse
was just too anxious.
By 5:30, Jesse was a nervous wreck. He was so close to just calling Emily and
canceling.
Shaun's band started playing around 9, and the bar was over an hour away! There
was no doubt in his mind that he could take Emily to the dance and get to
Shaun's show in the same night. He'd either have to ditch Emily…or take her
along.
Deciding that taking Emily along was the route less likely to get him dumped,
he showed up at her house at 6 on the dot.
"Jesse!" Emily threw open the door, instantly wrapping her arms around Jesse's
waist. "I'm glad you here."
She was dressed up very nicely in a pink dress and her silver flats. She had
her hair up in a messy bun and wore little earrings in the shape of crosses. In
other words, her outfit was completely inappropriate for a biker bar.
"I'd said I'd be." Jesse said, hugging her back.
Emily's house was big, a lot like Jesse's, though it was much nicer both inside
and out. The little entrance hallway alone screamed class and refinement with
the highly polished wooden floors, the artfully arranged flowers by the door
and the little black and white photographs of the countryside on the walls.
Then Emily's parents stepped into the room. He remembered seeing them briefly
on Wednesday and he suddenly felt very nervous.
"Hello Jesse, nice to see you again." Emily's mom stepped forward. Besides
being blond, she looked a lot like Emily. The tall woman hugged Jesse in
greeting, which was kind of awkward, but Jesse bore it silently.
"Ah…you too Mrs. Taylor."
"Call me Sue, sweetheart." Emily's mom said kindly, sensing his unease.
"I'm Paul." Emily's dad introduced himself next, clasping Jesse on the
shoulder. "Our daughter's really quite taken with you."
"I like her, too." Jesse said and luckily, they seemed pleased with his answer.
They led him into the living room and sat him down.
The next hour was a blur.
He sat with Emily and her father on the big couch while the last two talked
about the dance. Jesse nodded occasionally, but he honestly had nothing to add.
Sue finished dinner in the kitchen after too long and finally the endless small
talk was cut short as dinner was served. Everyone moved into the dining room
just off the living room and Jesse was again struck by the niceness of the
setting.
Jesse had never been in a house nice enough to have an actual separate dining
room and the formality of it, from the fancy place settings with multiple forks
and crystal wine glasses with sparkling water, to the way Paul and Sue sat
primly at opposite ends of the table… It made Jesse even more uncomfortable.
He was relieved when Kenny didn't show up for dinner. However, the relief was
short lived.
Emily's parents grilled him relentlessly over dinner, asking him questions
about his family and their move from Detroit. They briefly brought up school,
asking him for his college and career plans, but it wasn't until Jesse was
nearly finished with his braised lamb that they started asking about his
beliefs.
'Was his mother a Christian?' 'Was he baptized?' 'Had he shared the love of
Jesus Christ with his siblings?'
Jesse, for the most part, believed in God. But never in his life had he spent
so much time talking about it. The stupid, circular conversation went on for
what felt like forever when it had only been mere minutes.
He was so afraid that he'd mess up and say the wrong thing. Not that he was
sure what would happen to him if he did. The worst thing he could think of was
that Emily wouldn't be allowed to go to the dance with him and really, that'd
solve all of Jesse's current problems!
He still hadn't decided what he was going to do.
"We'd better get going." Emily broke in after another of Jesse's stilted
answers. "We wouldn't want to be late and miss out on all the fun." She smiled
radiantly across the table at Jesse and luckily the redhead felt himself
smiling back automatically, because honestly, he hadn't heard a word she'd
said.
"I'm sorry." Sue laughed, not sounding anything but. "We've been interrogating
you, haven't we?"
"That's alright." Paul answered for Jesse before he could even open his mouth.
"It's not often Emily brings a boy home. We're just curious."
"Er…yeah." Jesse agreed weakly.
"Well, can we get going?" Emily gave her father a pleading look, her hands
clasped together.
Paul smiled at his daughter, silently studying her. After a moment, his eyes
moved to Jesse.
Jesse didn't feel comfortable under his scrutinizing stare. He'd rather face
Shaun's death glare any day.
Finally, Paul cleared his throat. "You know the rules, Emily. Home by 11."
"Thanks Dad!" Emily went around the table to kiss her dad on the cheek, but
quickly returned, grabbing Jesse's hand and pulling him out of the dining room.
She stopped to grab a dainty little purse which had been hanging from the
banister in the foyer, but then they were finally leaving the stuffy house.
"Sorry about all that." Emily said once they were in the car. "They'll soften
up more the longer they know you."
"That's good to know." Distractedly, Jesse turned the car on before backing
down the driveway. It was only then, as he drove through Emily's nice
neighborhood, that he chanced a glance at the dashboard and the clock.
It was nearly 8!
This hadn't been the way Jesse had expected things to go.
He'd wanted to show up at Shaun's show, apologize, maybe bitch about how much
of an asshole Shaun was for forgetting to tell him he was playing tonight, but
mostly he'd just wanted to be near the other boy. It was embarrassing how much
he longed to be in his new best friend's presence. He missed him terribly only
after two days apart, which wasn't all that long, he realized, but the way they
had ended the night on Thursday made Jesse all that more anxious to see him and
make sure everything was alright between them. It was like an itch in the
middle of his back. He couldn't reach it and it would continue to irritate him
until he got some damn relief.
But now that Emily was in the car and there was no way Jesse could conceivably
get away from her without being a total asshole and never getting a date with
her again.
He sighed. He knew what he had to do.
"Would you mind if we skipped the dance?"
Emily had begun nattering about something while Jesse had been thinking, but
stopped immediately thanks to Jesse's interruption. For a minute, she simply
stared at Jesse, her eyes huge. But then she scowled.
"What kind of girl do you think I am? Think I'd fuck you just because you came
to pick me up and spent two hours sucking up to my parents?!"
"What?" Jesse glanced over at Emily. What was this about? "I just had somewhere
else I wanted to go."
"Like back to your room?" she snapped, tossing her head like an angry horse.
Emily looked strangely fierce all in pink with her hair flying around her.
"No…" Jesse didn't really want to say where he wanted to take her as he had a
feeling she wouldn't approve. But she certainly wasn't happy now.
"I don't understand. Where would you rather take me than the dance you promised
me?" She scoffed.
"…A band." Jesse blurted, hoping to save his future chances of getting laid. "I
wanted to see a band."
"A band?" Emily continued to frown, studying Jesse with suddenly piercing dark
eyes. "Where?"
"Well…" Jesse accidentally bit the inside of his cheek, tasting blood. He
ignored it. "It's far. Over 40 miles away." He glanced at the time again,
noting that it was now solidly 8 o'clock. "It starts in an hour."
Emily stared him down. "And you're not going to try to get me drunk?"
"Uh…no."
"And you're not going to take advantage of me?"
Jesse had never met such an uptight girl. She was seriously afraid of Jesse
fucking her?
"No." he said.
"Alright then." Emily conceded, her expression finally softening. "Sorry about
that."
Jesse awkwardly shifted his free hand through his messy hair. "That's ok."
"It's just that guys around here… most of them expect you to put out after the
first few dates and I went out with you because I thought you'd be different,
only…" Emily laughed. "I thought you were trying to get in my pants before the
night had even started."
Jesse smirked. "No." He'd given up on getting laid tonight. Especially after
Emily found out whose band they were going to see. But eventually, yes, he'd
like it if he could eventually get a blowjob.
"Guess we'd better hurry then. If we've only got an hour." Emily said after a
moment of silence.
"Right." Jesse turned towards the freeway, which was the fastest way to the bar
according to the directions he'd received over the phone last night, and
stepped on the gas.
Emily started chatting away again, soothing Jesse's ruffled nerves with her
mindless blabbering.
After a few wrong turns, they finally reached the biker bar Jesse had contacted
last night. There were lot of bikes up front, and quite a few trucks in the
back. Theirs was virtually the only sedan in sight.
"Are you sure it's here?" Emily asked. She'd finally shut up and now looked
nervously out the window, pulling at the edge of her pink dress.
"Yeah." Jesse felt her pain. He hadn't dressed up all that much, just a button
down and dark jeans, but he had a feeling he'd stick out like a sore thumb.
"Ah…do you want to wear my hoodie?" He asked, fishing around in the back seat
for the black sweatshirt he knew he's spotted when he'd got in earlier.
And then he actually found it.
"Oh." It was his Sam's hoodie and it had some stupid cartoon characters all
over it.
Emily took one look at it however, glanced back at bar and snatched it up.
"It's better than nothing." She said, amusement gleaming in her eyes.
It was only 9:20 when they walked in, a little late, but just in time as far as
Jesse was concerned.
The most amazing guitar riff reverberated through the room as they stepped
inside.
There were people everywhere though, bikers in their leathers were spread out
around the room, and a group of guys that looked distinctly like cowboys were
clustered around the bar, but none of that caught Jesse's eye.
Shaun looked incredibly cool.
The normally sullen and pinched looking boy was standing up on the stage set
against the back wall, his legs spread in a power stance, back curved slightly
as he bent over his guitar. His head was down, his mop of frizzy hair obscuring
his face. His fingers were flying over the fretboard and it was fucking amazing
the sound coming from him!
"Shaun?" Emily said beside him, spotting the boy she and her friends were so
fond of hating.  "That's who we're here to see?" She sounded a little pissed
off, but with a sigh she grabbed Jesse's arm possessively and drew him away
from the entrance and towards the stage.
Just then, Shaun threw his head back and… well not to be gay or anything –
because Jesse was definitely straight – but Shaun looked fucking hot. His eyes
were shut, like he was completely lost in the music, sweat beading on his pale
skin and running down his throat.
Emily finally found a table and pushed him gently towards a chair. He stumbled
like an idiot as his eyes refused to leave his friend for even a second. He was
forced to look away however so he could find his chair.
Once he was seated and Emily was squeezing in beside him, he looked up and
suddenly met Shaun's wide and surprised eyes.
Feeling like a dumbass, Jesse grinned.
Shaun smiled back in his own way, the corners of his wide mouth twitching
upwards ever so slightly before he went back to doing his thing, swinging his
head around to the music's beat. And just like that the spell was broken and
Jesse finally was able to take in his surroundings.
The rest of the band wasn't all that great.
Well, that was a little harsh. From what Jesse could tell, the rhythm was
solid, more or less. The drummer was pretty good, though he looked kind of
bored sitting behind his drum kit. The bassist was alright, smirking at a few
leather clad girls sitting near the stage. The guitar, of course, was perfect
in every fucking way. No complaints there. But the singer… he sucked. And it
was kind of bringing the whole thing down.
He was clearly drunk and seemed more interested in yelling and screeching into
the microphone than singing.
"Fuck, their singer sucks." Jesse leaned over to say into Emily's ear. Emily
looked like she agreed if the pinched look on her face was anything to go by.
"Uh…they're all pretty bad." Emily said and Jesse felt himself bristle.
"Shaun's great." He said, turning away. He didn't really care what Emily
thought, but he'd rather she kept her mouth shut if she was going to say stupid
shit like that.
"I'm going to get a drink. I'll be back." Emily said and promptly disappeared.
Jesse barely noticed.
The song ended suddenly and there was a round of halfhearted applause from the
bar. Jesse made sure he clapped as loud as he possibly could and when Shaun
spared him yet another incredulous look, he put his fingers in his mouth and
whistled.
For a second, Jesse was sure Shaun was going to laugh, but then he looked away
again.
"Ok, guys…" The singer slurred, holding the mic stand like it was the only
thing keeping him up. "Here's another original for ya. It's called 'Swallow the
World'."
Shaun cut through the last of the singer's intro with another insane guitar
riff. Jesse squirmed in his seat, fighting the urge to scream out loud like a
stupid fan girl.
He'd totally known Shaun was cool…ever since he'd met him. But now that they
were friends…that awesome figure up on the shitty stage, utterly oozing musical
genius, suddenly seemed like this unattainable god or something! It was hard to
believe he'd had that boy in his house, had him lying in his bed nearly every
day the past week, smoking weed with him like it was no big deal. In other
words, Jesse was star struck.
"Hey, I got you one." Emily returned, plopping a beer down in front of him. She
returned to her seat, sighing heavily and generally being a buzz kill.
Shaun's band played two more original songs, and then did a few covers.
Jesse continued to be amazed by his best friend. He never wanted this moment to
end, but at the same time he couldn't wait for them to finish the setlist so he
could go and talk to Shaun. The desire to be at Shaun's side was nearly
overwhelming.
Emily continued to look bored, her mood slowly shifting into anger as Jesse
continued to ignore her.
After what seemed like hours and mere minutes all at once, the singer said
'goodnight' to the audience and he was applauded off the stage. The singer went
straight to the bar.
The rest of the band started breaking their shit down. Shaun purposefully
didn't look his way, but he was moving unnaturally slow, like he was waiting
for something.
"I'm gonna go say hi." Jesse excused himself. "I'll be back." He said quickly
before he ran off.
"Oh my god! You were so good!" Jesse cried once he got close to the stage.
Shaun straightened up, scowling halfheartedly and Jesse couldn't help himself,
honestly he'd tried to convince himself the entire walk over not to, but he
still threw his arms around Shaun's waist and hugged him tight.
"Jesse!" Shaun hissed urgently, his hands coming up to rest heavily on Jesse's
back. Oddly, though he didn't physically try to make Jesse release him.
Jesse let go after a moment, pulling back quickly. He laughed, hoping to brush
off the awkward moment and spoke. "Sorry. But you should have warned me you
were so awesome."
Shaun blushed and looked around shifty eyed. No one but Emily, the bassist and
the drummer were looking at them though. The drummer looked like was trying not
to laugh.
"C'mon." Shaun pulled him off the stage and to the side, giving them a little
privacy. At least it was dark over here.
"You were." Jesse said once they were more or less alone. "You were awesome."
"You're such a jackass." Shaun said, but he looked pleased.
Jesse opened his mouth, wanting to say all the things he's saved up since
Thursday night, but nothing would come out. Shaun was still sweaty and flushed
and his dark eyes looked energized. Probably from all the playing, Jesse
thought distantly, but Shaun was staring directly into Jesse's eyes, their
gazes locked with one another's. Jesse felt like he was going to fall into
those dark depths.
"Whoa." Jesse muttered, looking quickly away when the eye contact became too
intense. He reached out and grabbed onto the wall to steady himself.
"You ok?" Shaun was by his side in an instant, his hand raised as if to help
but he never touched Jesse. His hand just hung there in the air, suspended.
Jesse stared at it instead of meeting Shaun's questioning gaze again.
"Fuck you, I'm fine." Jesse said awkwardly, wondering why he felt so light
headed just from looking into Shaun's eyes.
"Fuck you, too." Shaun shot back, good naturedly. "How'd you find me anyway?"
"You weren't in school Friday." Jesse said, finally chancing a look up at the
other boy. "I had to go talk to your grandma to find out you'd skipped school
to practice for tonight's show."
If Shaun minded him going behind his back to talk to his grandmother, he didn't
show it. instead he looked confused.
"But she doesn't know where we play."
"Yeah, I had to call every bar within like 100 miles, looking for one who was
headlining Execute Invasion." Jesse poked Shaun in the chest, enjoying the way
it made Shaun's mouth curl up at edges. "I came all the way out here, just to
see you." He said, his voice unconsciously softening.
The other boy was smiling at him, as much as Shaun ever smiled anyway, and
everything felt like it should be back to normal. Shaun wasn't mad, Jesse was
joking around, and they were talking like they'd never argued in the first
place, but something felt off.
"Really… are you alright? You look weird." Shaun cocked his head to the side,
as if he could assess Jesse's health by looking at him from a different angle.
"Do you want me to take you home?" He asked suddenly.
"I… ah…" Jesse hesitated. Not because he didn't want to. He did want Shaun to
take him home. He wanted Shaun to come back with him, he wanted to talk to him
and make him smile. He wanted to lie in his bed with Shaun next to him, warm
and safe and together, but… "Emily's with me."
"Yeah." Shaun's face darkened at the reminder of Jesse's date. "I saw her."
"I wouldn't have brought her but…" Jesse felt like a real asshole admitting
that aloud, but he would have said anything to make Shaun feel better about it.
"Don't tell me you took her from that fucked up church dance thing and brought
her here?" Shaun asked, sounding amused.
Jesse shrugged uncomfortably. "We didn't even make it to the dance.
Shaun smirked, glancing over towards the crowded part of the bar where Emily
resided. Jesse gazed up at his friend's smug expression, hoping Emily wasn't
looking their way and knowing she probably was. He really didn't care to look
though.
"She thought I was bringing her here to get her drunk and take advantage of
her." Jesse said, embarrassed. "I thought she was going to beat me up."
"I think she still might." Shaun said cryptically, still looking over Jesse's
shoulder.
"Oh fuck…is she watching us?" Jesse suddenly felt intensely guilty, like he was
chatting up some cute girl while his girlfriend watched furiously. This wasn't
the situation at all, but he still felt strangely horrible.
"Oh yeah. She looks pissed."
"Jesus Christ." Jesse cursed under his breath.
"C'mon. I'll take you home. You don't have to go with her." Shaun urged,
finally looking back at Jesse. "We can get the fuck out of here… together."
Shaun breathed, sounding almost desperate.
Jesse bit the inside of his cheek again. "Ow." He muttered to himself, raising
a hand to cover his mouth. Shaun watched him with narrowed eyes. "I drove." he
said finally. "I can't leave my car… I can't ditch her." He said sadly.
Shaun looked angry, but he didn't say anything. He simply straightened up,
subconsciously putting an invisible barrier between them when he ended their
intimate little bubble.
"I'm—" Jesse fought off the urge to apologize. "Can I come over tomorrow?"
"Don't you have to go to church with your little girlfriend?"
Jesse vaguely remembered promising to sit with Emily and her parents Sunday
morning in church earlier during dinner. Why did he keep promising people
shit?!
"After church." Jesse clarified.
Shaun looked displeased and Jesse was sure he'd refuse but finally he nodded
shortly. "Tomorrow. When you're done with Emily."
"Ok." Jesse smiled brightly. He leaned forward, wanting to hug his friend
again, or at least touch him, but he settled for giving him one last long look.
For some reason, he was blushing furiously by the time he turned away and went
back to Emily.
Emily was sitting right where he'd left her. Though now there were two kind of
dirty looking guys in leather coats trying to talk to her. She was ignoring
them completely, glaring angrily at Jesse as he approached.
"C'mon sweetie, tell us your name." One of the guys was saying when Jesse came
back to the table. He looked like a real badass with a bandana on his head and
tattoos covering his prominently displayed arms. His friend chuckled under his
breath.
"Yeah, a girl doesn't come to a bar all dressed up to ignore everybody." He
said. This one was completely bald, with a huge beard.
"We need to talk." Emily said as Jesse approached.
"Um…" Jesse hovered next to the table, looking down into the girl's angry face.
"Want to go outside."
The two bikers at the next table laughed.
"Yes." Emily said. "Now."
"Honey, why would you want to go anywhere with that little boy?" The bandana'ed
biker asked sarcastically. "Why don't you stay in here with us?"
Emily turned and seemingly without thought emptied the remainder of Jesse's
beer on the biker's head.
"Don't talk to me, you piece of shit!" she yelled, dropping the bottle on the
floor and running at Jesse, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the door.
"Shit! Why did you do that?!" Jesse yelled over the sound of the two bikers
calling after them.
"Get back here bitch!" The bearded biker yelled, but Emily had already gotten
them outside and was now sprinting towards their shitty car.
Jesse got in the driver's side as soon as he got the door open and then quickly
fumbled with the passenger side door.
"Hurry up!" Emily yelled. The bikers had made it to the front door, bringing a
few friends along. They spilled out into the parking lot.
Jesse finally got the door open and Emily slid inside. "Go!" She cried.
Starting the car up, Jesse quickly shifted into reverse and backed up. The
bikers spotted them!
"This is so fucked up." Jesse hissed under his breath, switching into drive and
punching the gas. They passed the yelling bikers, whipping out onto the road
and away from them easily.
"What the fuck, Emily?!" Jesse yelled after he'd caught his breath. Emily had
been doing the same in the next seat.
"They were hitting on me all night!" Emily cried, pointing an accusing finger
at Jesse. "Only you didn't notice because you were too busy being obsessed with
Shaun." She sneered the name like the feel of it passing her lips made her
sick.
"Fuck…" Jesse had really screwed up tonight. He would have been better off
making an excuse and canceling. Why hadn't he done that? He could have said he
had to babysit or that he was sick or… something! Anything was better than
this!
"I need to tell you something now… if you'll listen." Emily said after a long
moment of silence. She seemed to have calmed down and she even attempted to
look earnest when she met Jesse's eyes.
Jesse looked away, back at the road. It was getting really late. Before, when
they'd been driving up here, there had been other people on the road, but now
it was all but deserted. He recalled Paul reminding Emily of her 11 o'clock
curfew and now it was almost 10:30 and they still had over an hour to go before
they got back to Emily's house. Feeling miserable, Jesse sped up, going almost
30 miles over the limit.
"It's about Shaun."
Jesse's attention was instantly won.
"What?" He asked, sparing Emily a brief glance to show he was listening.
Emily rolled her eyes.
"I know we've all been telling you that you need to stay away from Shaun… and I
know you think we're all being ridiculous and that to you, Shaun must seem…
like a…. normal person." she started.
"Normal?" That wasn't exactly how Jesse would describe Shaun. Who was normal
anyway?
"Hmm." Emily easily dismissed him. "But since we're… since we're together, "
Emily said slowly, "I don't think I can stand by and let you continue to be
friends with someone like Shaun when you don't know the whole story."
"What story?" Jesse snapped. "Are you going to tell me about the time when
Shaun was mean to someone and pushed them down and insulted them? I don't care
about that dumb shit, Emily!"
"No." Emily said through gritted teeth. "If you'd let me, I'm trying to tell
you."
"Well, then get on with it." Jesse said angrily. Honestly, he didn't want to
hear whatever she had to say against Shaun. It was all bullshit anyway.
Shaun was right, Emily was a cunt sometimes. All she and her friends wanted to
do was make Shaun out to be this terrible boogie man so Jesse would stop
spending time with him. What did it matter to them who he hung out with?!
"Alright." Emily smoothed her hair out of her face and sat so she had her back
to the window and could now stare uninterrupted at Jesse. The redhead tried not
to be creeped out by this little maneuver.
"Most people don't know about this. A lot of the kids that go to school with us
now… they've only heard about it, they didn't actually see it like I did."
Emily began. Jesse imagined spooky music playing in the background, lending to
the no doubt ridiculous story she was about to tell. "Anyways, when I was a
kid, like 6 or 7, me and Shaun were in the same classroom. That must have been…
during first grade."
"You did?" Jesse snorted.
"I don't like to tell this story, Jesse." Emily said sharply.
"Alright." Jesse rolled his eyes. "I'll be quiet. Go on." He prompted.
Emily bit her lip. "Well, one day, Shaun came to class and he was… completely
covered in bruises and cuts." Emily bit her lip. "It's not that strange I
guess, but he had a black eye and… I mean usually that means someone's hit you,
right?"
"I guess?" Jesse wondered if Shaun had gotten in a fight or something. That was
hardly a story worth telling in condemnation of a person. It wasn't
particularly damning. Jesse got in fights sometimes, too. Though he hadn't been
6 or 7 at the time.
"Well, that's what the teachers thought. So, they asked him what had happened."
Emily said. "At first they thought some older kids might have been bullying
him. Even back then Shaun had a mouth on him." Jesse smiled at that. He bet
Shaun had been a real hell raiser as a kid. "But he said 'no'. They hadn't even
taken him out of the classroom at this point, because he was so calm. Like it
was no big deal to show up to school all beat up."
"So, since Shaun wasn't talking, they took him to the nurse to get patched up
and in the meantime, they called his parents to find out what was going on…"
"Yeah?" Jesse sighed, wishing Emily would just keep talking and get this stupid
thing over with.
"Well, his parents never picked up the phone." Emily paused dramatically before
dropping the bomb. "They were both dead."
"Oh." Jesse had guessed that something bad had happened regarding Shaun's
parents. He hadn't known if it had been abandonment or death or just a bad
fight that kept Shaun from his natural mother and father, but since Shaun had
had such a bad reaction to even the word 'parents' Jesse had never tried to
figure it out. But they were dead? Both of them?
"They weren't just dead, Jesse." Emily said, bringing his attention back to
her. "His mother was murdered by his father and then he'd killed himself." The
girl looked like she might be crying. It was dark enough in the car that she
might have been, crying that is, and just keeping her tears to the shadows, but
Jesse had a hard time imagining Emily crying over anything that involved Shaun.
"I won't go into the details, because I don't know them all, but what basically
happened was Shaun's father came home, roughed Shaun up for a while and then
when Shaun's mom tried to intervene, he killed her. Then…I guess after a while
of… who knows what… rape, I assume, " she said uncomfortably. "He killed
himself. He just slit his throat and bled to death. And you know what?"
"What?" Jesse whispered.
"Shaun watched the whole thing. And he came to school the next day because he
hadn't wanted anyone to find out his parents were both dead. He'd wanted to
keep it a secret."
For some reason, that gave Jesse the chills.
"I saw him Jesse. He was completely normal, talking and acting like he always
did. He wasn't even bothered by it. He went to live with his grandparents after
that and they brought him to church sometimes and in Sunday school. Our teacher
tried to get him to talk about it one day and you know what he wanted to talk
about? He started talking about how he'd kept his father's bowie knife. The one
his dad had used to slit his throat. He said he liked to keep it close because
it reminded him of his dad."
"You're lying."
"I'm not!" Emily cried. "Something is deeply wrong with that kid! He hasn't
killed anyone, Jesse, but he's threatened people… he's, violent. He hurts
people… who knows when he's going to just snap," Emily snapped her fingers for
effect, startling Jesse with how loud it was in the dark car on the desolate
road. "He'll go crazy one day, I'm sure of it. Who knows what he'll do!"
"Not…everyone who has crazy parents grows up to be a mass murderer, you know."
Jesse said weakly.
"I know that, but you've got to admit that he does act strangely sometimes. And
besides, what kid do you know could watch someone get murdered before their
eyes, watch their own parents die right in front of them, and come to the
conclusion that they'd better not tell anyone?"
"I—I don't know." Jesse admitted, remembering the beginning when they hadn't
been friends and Shaun had glared at him all the time. That look in his eyes…
the dark, intense look at hate… Shaun had seen things. Things Jesse had never
even thought of before. With a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, he
remembered Shaun showing Brian that violent movie, explaining all those gory
deaths in graphic detail. He shuddered.
"I didn't want to say anything. None of us did because frankly, it's a sick
story. And I don't… I don't know. I didn't know you were so… close to him."
"He didn't tell me about this…" Jesse said slowly.
"He probably won't. People started calling him weird a month or two after it
happened and he started going after the people who picked on him. You just
don't mess with Shaun. He doesn't get mad, he gets even."
Jesse's eyes widened. "Thanks for telling me."
"You're welcome." Emily was completely relaxed now, leaning back comfortably
against the window. "I hope you'll at least think about keeping your distance."
Jesse shrugged. Even now he wasn't ready to write Shaun off that easily.
"We're going to be late." Emily commented absently.
"Oh." Jesse had forgotten. He sped up a little more. There weren't any cops way
out here anyway.
"It's ok. I'll just make something up."
"They'll never let me take you anywhere ever again." Jesse laughed
distractedly, still preoccupied his thoughts of Shaun.
"Not if you come to church tomorrow and convince them you're a good little
Christian boy."
Jesse sighed. He'd already resigned himself to church early the next morning,
but making yet another promise?
"I'll be there." He agreed, giving his girlfriend an unenthusiastic smile. If
she noticed the lack of feeling behind it, she didn't mention it.
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Chapter Six
Shaun watched with concern as the bikers gathered a group of guys to go after
Jesse and his idiot girlfriend. He'd actually noticed the bikers messing with
Emily long before Jesse had and had hoped she'd join up with them, abandon
Jesse and go have a gang bang with the big leather clad men, but apparently,
she wanted Jesse more. Which wasn't all that surprising to Shaun. He grudgingly
understood the sentiment.
He went to the nearest window, glancing outside, just to make sure he wouldn't
have to beat up any bikers to save Jesse, but he was just in time to see them
driving away in what he recognized as Jesse's mom's car. The bikers were left
in the dust.
"So, who the fuck was that?" Danny asked as Shaun came back to finish breaking
down his equipment. There wasn't much left to do by this point, but Shaun made
himself look busy to avoid questioning.
Unfortunately, he wasn't getting away with it that easily.
"Yeah, who was that?" Ben cut in. "Was that one of your friends from school?"
Shaun shrugged. "Sure."
"Why was he hugging you, man?" Danny asked and this was exactly why he'd been
avoiding questions! Why had Jesse had to hug him like that?! If he had to do
it, why couldn't he have just waited until they were by themselves?!
"I don't know. He liked the set, I guess." He said lamely.
"Too bad the ladies don't react the same way, huh?" Danny snorted. "You might
actually get laid sometime." There was a significant pause, where both Ben and
Shaun diligently went back to work before Danny burst into laughter. "Unless
you're fucking that boy."
Shaun lunged for Danny, hands flying for the idiot's throat, but Ben stepped in
front of him before Shaun could reach the other musician.
"C'mon guys! If you want to fight, don't do it in here!" Ben grabbed Shaun's
shoulder and shoved him back towards his guitar and his amp. "Go load that up
and I'll get you a beer."
"Fuck you Ben." Shaun said darkly, but he followed the older man's directions
regardless. Danny was still looking terribly amused, but he'd stopped laughing
at least.
Shaun glared hatefully at the drummer, but picked his amp up and hauled it out
to the car.
***
"You're not…fucking him, right?" Ben asked later after the equipment had been
loaded into their individual cars. Danny and Will were up at the bar getting
even drunker, but he and Ben were sitting in a dark corner in the back.
Those girls who'd had been flirting with Ben all night were a few tables over,
still trying to catch his eye. Unfortunately for them, Ben only flirted for
fun.
"What are you talking about?" Shaun was on his way to drunk too and was feeling
quite nice. He kept thinking about Jesse and how cool it was the little redhead
boy had ruined his first date to come and see him play. The thought kept making
him smile.
"That boy that you were talking to…" Ben clarified. "He isn't your—"
"He's my best friend." Shaun said, smiling slightly and completely missing
Ben's insinuation.
Ben smiled back, gently. "I didn't know you had any friends."
"Just him." Shaun corrected, in case Ben started to think he was popular or
something.
He was ugly, people hated him, were afraid of him…it didn't matter if he was a
great guitarist, or that he was in one of the most brutal death metal bands in
100 miles, none of that mattered to anyone.
And then came Jesse, out of the blue.
Jesse liked him for no reason at all, really. He'd seen past all the of Shaun's
bullshit and had actually given a shit about the person he was underneath.
Jesse was special.
Shaun smiled again.
"Man, I don't think I've ever seen you smile so much." Ben pointed out. "It's
kind of creepy."
"Fuck you." Shaun said, not letting the bassist's words affect him. He wished
Jesse could have stayed and gotten drunk with him, but Ben wasn't so bad. In
fact, Ben had been the closest thing to a friend Shaun had ever had before he'd
met Jesse.
He suddenly wished he'd introduced his two friends to each other.
"Hey you guys!" Will stumbled over with a giggling blonde girl on his arm.
"This is my new friend…" He paused, waiting for the girl to introduce herself.
"Lily." She said, her big fake tits bouncing as she laughed.
"…And Lily's invited us back to her friend's house for a party." Will squeezed
the blonde closer to him and dropped his arm around her waist to grab her ass.
Lily squirmed and laughed again and Will's smile grew lecherous. "Wanna come
with us?" he asked.
Ben shook his head. "I've got to get back to Angela."
"What about you?" Will glanced in Shaun's direction.
"No… I should get back." Shaun said dreamily. He didn't want to go to some
stranger's house… he had to be home early tomorrow for Jesse.
"Back to grandma and grandpa?" Will asked in a stupid baby voice. "Whatever."
He turned away, pulling the girl along by her arm. Shaun watched them go with
disinterest.
"Are you ok to drive?" Ben asked. He'd only had one beer, which was pretty
ridiculous since the owner who'd booked them had given them a bunch of free
beer tickets.
"Yeah, I guess." Shaun reluctantly finished the last of his beer. He didn't
really want to go home, he hadn't been planning to until at least Sunday night,
but he'd put up with Ruth's bitching and Eli's well-meaning advice if it meant
he got to see Jesse a little sooner.
After he'd stormed out of Jesse's room Thursday, he'd instantly wanted to go
back inside and apologize.
It wasn't that he was sorry for insulting Emily, because he wasn't…
It was just that realizing most of his anger for Emily was because he was
jealous… it wasn't a pleasant realization. It enraged him, he felt a deep
humiliation blooming inside of him, too.
He was extremely worried and paranoid that if Jesse found out the depth of
his…feelings… for him that he would abandon him and run for the hills.
Shaun had spent their time apart obsessing over the little redhead and even
now, he found himself doing it a lot without even meaning to.
He was sickened by how attached he was to Jesse. He felt like he needed him all
the time.
It wasn't normal to feel this way… plus, it seemed incredibly gay.
The entire ride home, he replayed Jesse's rapt expressions in his head. The
redhead had barely looked away from him the entire night and every time their
eyes had met, Shaun had ended up feeling breathless and weak…
The house was quiet when he got home. He snuck into his room, scowling around
the now clean room. He hated how Ruth was always cleaning up after him. It was
his room, why couldn't he keep it dirty?
Either way, he wasn't in the mood to take a shower, or even change. So, he
flopped back on his bed and kicked his boots off.
He was almost asleep when his arm started to itch. Frustrated, he pulled his
sleeve back and exposed the long, nasty cut he'd added to his collection a few
days ago.
It had been healing nicely ever since Jesse had bugged him into cleaning it out
and bandaging it properly, but it must have been pulled open while he played
tonight. The skin around it was an irritated red and the wound oozed dark,
sticky blood.
"Fuck." He muttered to himself. He scratched the edge of the cut and the blood
smeared across his scarred forearm. Glaring at the mess he'd made, he wiped the
blood on his stomach, mentally reminding himself to shower in the morning
before Jesse came over.
He eventually fell asleep.
***
"You're home early."
Shaun sat straight up in bed, his eyes blearily focusing on his grandmother
standing in the doorway.
He grumbled incomprehensibly, rolling off his bed and trudging across the room
to his closet. He picked out something clean to wear.
"You've got blood all over yourself." Ruth tutted, watching Shaun pick through
his clothes. "You're not a child anymore, Shaun. This little 'habit' of yours
has to stop."
"I don't know what you're talking about." Shaun growled, ripping a black
thermal shirt off of its hanger.
Ruth pursed her lips together, but didn't comment. "Your little friend was here
looking for you on Friday."
"He came and found me." Shaun said, almost to himself. He smiled softly, still
engaged with the process of dressing. He suddenly had an urge to be clean and
presentable. At the very least, he didn't want to be as his usual ogre-like
self.
"What's that?"
"Nothing." Shaun grabbed a pair of his camo pants. The pattern was an intricate
print of leaves and bark and shit like that.
He pushed past Ruth on his way to the bathroom, ignoring her squawk of
indignation.
"Jesse's coming over today," he called over his shoulder. "If he comes to the
door, let him in." He said, then he escaped into the bathroom.
Shaun was covered in cuts. The one on his arm wasn't bad, it was healing
alright. The old one on his thigh was still pretty bad. It had closed at least.
Though for a while it had been touch and go. It had been oozing puss a few days
back, but Shaun had poured a whole bottle of alcohol on it.
He tried to ignore his body as he washed. It was an ugly mess of cuts, bruises
and scars. Lots of scars. He was embarrassed of them, but he rarely regretted
them. They always felt so good to make.
He dried off and dressed in the bathroom, scratching his fingers through his
hopeless hair. He felt better once he was properly covered and he was really
looking forward to a visit from his friend, as queer as that sounded.
He was in remarkably high spirits, returning to his bedroom only a little
disappointed when Jesse wasn't already here. At least he'd get to greet him
personally now.
As if his thought had been a magical cue, there was a knock on the front door.
It couldn't be anybody but Jesse and Shaun hurried into the kitchen to answer
it.
"Hi." Shaun said in his usual unaffected tone. He couldn't help the smile from
forming on his face, though.
Unfortunately, Shaun's good mood was instantly destroyed by the look on Jesse's
face. There was no good way to describe it, Jesse looked neither sad nor upset,
but he was so obviously unhappy that the little redhead visibly exuded
distress.
In other words, he knew.
Jesse knew the goddamned story behind his public shunning, his shame and
humiliation. He fucking knew it and there was only one fucking person who would
have told him.
"I'm going to kill that bitch." Shaun growled and he considered slamming the
door in Jesse's face, but the redhead stepped into the house.
"Please don't." He pleaded, reaching out to touch one of Shaun's clenched
fists. Shaun jerked his hand out of Jesse's reach. "She… thinks she's doing
what's best." He said softly.
"Fuck her." Shaun hissed and then after a pause, "And fuck you."
"Shaun…"
Just then Eli poked his head into the kitchen, glancing curiously at them.
Shaun scowled at him.
"Why don't you just go." Shaun suggested, now thoroughly pissed off.
"No." Jesse whined. "I wanna talk."
Eli started as if he were going to come and butt into the conversation which
was completely unacceptable, so making a quick decision, Shaun grabbed Jesse's
arm and pulled him outside.
"I don't know why I told you to come over here. There're too many fucking
people home." He muttered darkly as he dragged Jesse towards the garage.
"What? You've been to my house, haven't you? Five little brothers and sisters
and a nosey mom… " Jesse complained.
The garage was cluttered with just about everything but a car. There were gun
racks mounted to the back wall and Eli's workbench full of tools and a massive
jigsaw was on the perpendicular wall.
Across from that was Shaun's guitar and his amp and a wall full of shelves with
boxes of old knickknacks and shit like that. A lot of it was stuff left over
from Shaun's parents, which was pretty ironic given the conversation that was
about to take place.
Shaun let of Jesse the moment they were alone again. He went straight to the
swivel chair by the bench and sat down, leaving Jesse standing in the middle of
the room.
"What do you want?" Shaun snapped.
"I…" Jesse scuffed his shoes along the concrete floor. "I just—"
"Want to know if it's true?" Shaun finished for him.
Jesse hesitantly met Shaun's eyes, his white teeth worrying his pink lower lip.
"Yeah."
"Why? So, you can tell everyone at school what a freak I am?" Shaun growled. He
was suddenly glowing red-hot with anger, even though he'd been the one
suggesting…
"No. I won't tell anyone." Jesse said very seriously. "Nothing between us has
changed. We're still friends, Shaun. In fact, if you don't want to talk about
it… that's fine. I won't ever bring it up again, if you'd like."
Shaun sneered, clutching the arms of his swivel chair. He didn't want to talk
about it and the chance that Jesse would betray him was high, especially if he
kept hanging out with that bitch Emily.
But Jesse was his friend. He'd been worried about Shaun when he hadn't shown up
to school. He'd come to see him play. The little redhead was standing in front
of him now, looking fearful and determined and Shaun wondered what had gone
through Jesse's head to make him show up here after his girlfriend had told him
stories about how psychotic he was and had no doubt warned him to stay away
lest Shaun suddenly just 'snap'.
"I always knew there was something wrong with my parents." Shaun began, staring
Jesse straight in the eye as a silent dare for him to look away. He didn't.
"They got married young, just out of school because Mom was pregnant and that's
what you do when you were raised Catholic."
"Anyway, that baby was born stillborn."
Jesse sucked in a breath of surprise and Shaun smirked at him.
"A few years later they had me." Shaun continued. "I was a surprise and an
unhappy one. Neither of them wanted a baby, but they were too… fucked up to
just get a divorce and move on with their lives like normal people. So, my
entire childhood was spent watching them argue. Mom went out a lot. She left me
home alone a lot. I don't know for sure or anything, but from the fights they
had it seemed like Mom was cheating on Dad. He'd call her a whore and sometimes
he'd smack her around. It didn't bother me though. She deserved it." Shaun said
bitterly, glad when Jesse's eyes finally left his own as the other boy looked
away in discomfort.
"Dad was around a lot more. He didn't work regularly and he was sure to drink
around the clock. I don't have many memories of him sober." Shaun said. This
story, one he'd never told to anyone, was strangely easy to tell. Maybe he'd
always needed to tell this stupid story, to get it out in the open so he could
go on with his miserable life in peace, but then again, maybe it just had
something to do with the intense look of concern on Jesse's face.
Shaun cleared his throat awkwardly, forcing himself to look away from the other
boy now. "My parents argued all the time and as I got older and Mom started
spending more and more time away from the house. It was around that time their
arguments got even more violent. When I was about five, I remember Mom having
to spend a day in the hospital after Dad broke her arm. And the next year she
stayed home for a week after Dad knocked her front teeth out. She was more
upset over it than anything else he'd done. She moped around until she got some
replacement teeth."
"A few weeks after I started first grade, I came home from school and my Dad
was gone. Mom was up in her room throwing clothes in a bag. She said she was
leaving and that I had to stay there with Dad." Shaun's expression grew pinched
as he remembered the last conversation he'd ever had with his mother. "She
started bragging about how she'd met someone else and how much better he was.
She said she couldn't stand to stick around anymore."
"She said all that to you?" Jesse asked softly, sounding more hurt than Shaun
had ever been.
"I knew she didn't like me. I didn't like her much either. Even then." Shaun
shook his head, wishing he could feel sad over it, but ultimately not caring,
"By then I'd lost all my illusions of what a good Mom was supposed to be."
"Then Dad came home," he said. "Right in the middle of mom packing. He wasn't
drunk that yet, but I've never seen him so upset."
"Mom got this really scared look on her face and she closed up her bag really
fast, but dad came over and grabbed her arm before she could go anywhere with
it."
"They started screaming at each other. I don't even remember what they were
saying, but I do remember my dad punching her in the mouth when she said
something he hadn't liked. She sagged to the floor and fell over her escape
bag. I stood there, in shock, while dad continued to yell at her lifeless
body."
"I didn't like her very much or anything, but I was scared." He said quietly.
"I'd never seen her like that. There was blood coming out of her mouth and she
wasn't moving. I thought she was dead."
"Was she?" Jesse whispered.
"No. Not yet. I started to panic and I called her name. That's when my dad
noticed me there for the first time. He screamed at me next and hit me across
the face a few times. I was only a kid then. I would have hit the bastard back,
but when I just tried to cover my face, he tossed me down and kicked me until I
couldn't move anymore. He was yelling at me, telling me I ruined his life and
shit."
Jesse moved like he was going to come forward, his hands held out in a vaguely
comforting manner. Shaun shot him a glare. He needed to get through this
without his friend's useless pity. Luckily, Jesse caught the message and stayed
where he was.
"I managed to crawl out of the room and he didn't bother to come after me then.
He hadn't meant to hurt me in the first place, I was just in his way."
"Shaun—"
"Shut up." Shaun snapped, ignoring Jesse's teary blue eyes. "He shut the door,
but it bounced right open again. He didn't even notice. Dad just threw Mom onto
the bed and started… raping her. I was lying in the hallway, horrified by what
I was seeing, but I didn't make a sound. I was too afraid too. Dad just kept
going."
"Jesus."
"And Mom woke up halfway through and started struggling to get away. Dad he… he
stopped and he hit her in the face again and again until there was nothing left
but this bloody pulp and she wasn't moving anymore. Then he finished."
"He got off her and started looking around the room for something. He pushed
stuff off tables, ripped a shelf off the wall, tore through their drawers and
finally he came up with his hunting knife. I don't know why he had it in their
room. I'd seen it before downstairs in the closet with the rest of the hunting
stuff, but he had it his drawer by the bed and he took it out and laid down on
the bed, on top of Mom and he whispered something in her ear and I don't know
if she was even alive to hear it, but he talked for so long that I started to
relax. I thought it was all over and that Mom would go to sleep and Dad would
go back downstairs and get drunk and that in the morning I would feel better
and everything would be normal again. But then he pulled back and sunk his
knife into her stomach and he pulled it out and stabbed her in the chest and he
kept doing it until there was blood dripping off the edge of the bed and
pooling on the floor."
"By then, I was… crying." Shaun admitted. "I don't know. I'd seen a lot of
death. Dad and Grandpa had taken me hunting a hundred times before and I'd
watched them gut and skin all kinds of animals. I'd seen blood before, but not
like this. Seeing my own mother bleeding on her bed, it was the worst thing
I've ever seen."
"…Jesus…" Jesse said again. It was slightly muffled this time as his hand was
over his mouth. Shaun wondered if he was going to be sick.
"And then Dad fucked her again, going real slow like he was savoring it. I kept
waiting for Mom to push him off and tell him it hurt, but she didn't move. She
was dead. Very dead. And when he was done using her body he laid back and
stared at the ceiling for a few minutes. I was afraid to look away. I was
afraid to move and bring his attention back to me, so I just laid there,
watching him, hoping he wasn't going to come for me next, but then out of
nowhere dad stuck his knife in his throat and he made the most horrible choking
sounds ever."
Jesse gaped at him in horror. "What did you do?"
Shaun shrugged. "I fell asleep there, waiting for them to move. When I woke up
the next morning and saw they were in the same positions, frozen and covered in
blood I could barely believe it." He said. "How could they be dead? They'd just
been there yesterday. They'd been fine. Everything had been fine."
"I didn't want to believe it so I told myself that I wouldn't. I picked myself
up, got cleaned up and ready for school like I did every morning. And before I
left I went in the room and took the knife." He said. "I kept thinking that
when they woke up, Dad might hurt Mom again or that she might hurt him this
time, so I removed the temptation." The sullen boy looked down at his pale,
scarred hands, remembering what it had felt like to hold the knife that had
ended both his parent's lives while it was still covered in their dried blood.
"I washed it off and hid it in my room, under my mattress. I knew they'd never
look for it in my room."
"And later, when everyone found out what had happened, I didn't tell them about
it. It was all I had left. They were gone. The house was taken away and for a
while I had to go live in a home, a place for fucking crazies… then I came here
to live with my grandparents." Shaun scowled, remembering that unpleasant time
in his life. "That knife makes me sick sometimes when I touch it, but it's just
as well. I feel sick most of the time."
Shaun stopped talking, realizing with some amusement that this was probably the
most he'd said in a long time. Possibly the most he'd talked since he was 7 and
he'd had to describe to the police what exactly had transpired in that little
bloody bedroom. The irony hit Shaun hard.
His throat felt sore.
"I wish that hadn't happened." Jesse said and Shaun glanced up, seeing his
friend standing before him, watching him tentatively. His eyes weren't full of
the disgust and pity he'd expected, but understanding, concern, and yes fear,
but Jesse knelt in front of Shaun's chair, looking up at him sincerely. "But
I'm glad you told me. I'm glad you…" Jesse trailed off, leaning forward. Shaun
wasn't sure what he was going to do until Jesse wrapped his arms around Shaun's
middle. Gently, he rested his head in Shaun's lap. "I'm glad you're here… with
me."
Shaun blushed about a hundred different shades of red in the span of a few
moments. Jesse was hugging him again, which was embarrassing, but not so bad.
Guys hugged each other sometimes. Not a lot, but sometimes.
Jesse had his face pressed to Shaun's crotch though and far from being grossed
out by his best friend's proximity, Shaun found himself fighting his body's
urge to pop an erection.
"Jesse?" Shaun all but moaned. He dropped his hand weakly onto Jesse's auburn
hair, stroking it slowly.
"I'm sorry." Jesse pulled back with a pitiful look on his face. His eyes were
wet, but he hadn't let any tears fall yet. Shaun's arousal intensified as he
looked upon Jesse's pained expression and he then felt an instant and nearly
insurmountable wave of guilt for getting a boner when his friend was so upset.
"C'mere." Shaun said gruffly, holding open his arms.
Jesse didn't even pause. He threw himself into Shaun's arms and scrambled into
his lap.
The chair definitely wasn't made for two and it took Jesse some wiggling to get
comfortable. He finally settled with his arms around Shaun's neck, his knees
digging into Shaun's hips, and their cocks pressed together. It was bad enough
having him so fucking close, but Shaun really started to regret the stupid hug
decision when the redhead started getting all emotional and teary.
"This is incredibly gay, you know?" Shaun said, trying to ignore Jesse's sexy
little moans. He knew later he'd probably have to add a cut to his collection
as punishment for this sick behavior, but for now it felt good to hold Jesse
close. Horribly… disgustingly good.
Jesse laughed, his breath hot against Shaun's shoulder. "What's gay about me
sitting in your lap?"
"You're fucking retarded if I have to explain."
Jesse moved slightly, turning his head so his lips brushed against Shaun's
throat. Shaun froze, but Jesse didn't seem to notice.
"You scare me a little."
Shaun frowned at the whispered confession.
"I could never have watched something like that and… function normally."
"I'm not normal." Shaun said. "You told me yourself, your friends think I'm a
freak."
"I don't care. I don't think you're… that weird." Jesse said.
"Fuck you."
"If I'd have been here, you wouldn't have had to go through that alone. I wish
I'd been around." Jesse said dreamily.
Shaun didn't wish for that at all. "You would have run away from me, just like
all your other friends did." He spat. "You'd hate me like everyone else."
"Nope." The redhead disagreed, clutching Shaun tighter.
"Yes, you would." Shaun said firmly. "Trust me."
"Never." Jesse laughed at Shaun's growl of frustration and with a heave, Shaun
pushed him out of his lap and onto the floor.
"OW!" Jesse cried as he sprawled back on the concrete floor. He stared up at
Shaun in shock, tears still on his face, but after a moment of intense glaring
between the two, Jesse snorted and stood up. "I guess spilling your heart out
doesn't make you any nicer. I'll remember that next time." He punched Shaun
lightly in the arm. "That hurt, you bastard."
Shaun smirked, unrepentant. He was glad that the awkward story time and the
even weirder lap sitting and hugging were over. Now, he could go back to
pretending he didn't feel anything besides friendship for Jesse, like he had
been for more than a few days now. Everything would be fine. As long as Shaun
kept lying to himself, that was.
"So…" Jesse looked around the room until his gaze alighted on the guitar Shaun
had casually ditched the night before on its makeshift stand of old phone
books. "Want to show me some guitar?"
"Tck, you think I could teach you?"
"Sure. Why not?"
Shaun narrowed his eyes. "Guitar isn't easy like that stupid game you play all
the time. There's more to it than fucking pushing buttons."
"I know that!" Jesse cried. "I could be good at guitar."
"Yeah ok." Shaun went to plug the guitar in, motioning for Jesse to pick it up.
"Oh my god. If I could ever be as good as you, that'd be amazing." Jesse
strummed his fingers across the fretboard like he was shredding. Shaun sneered
and plugged the amp in next. The most horrible sound emerged as Jesse continued
to pretend play and the amps screeched. It sounded like a dying cow.
"Fuck Jesse!" Shaun glared the other boy and Jesse mercifully stopped playing.
He smirked at Shaun and when that didn't remove his glare, Jesse stuck out his
tongue out at him.
"If you're going to do this, do it right, dumbass." Shaun circled around Jesse
until he stood behind the redhead. "Hold it like this." He slipped his arms
under Jesse's and reached around to pull his hands into the right position.
"Like that?" Jesse's smaller hands flexed under Shaun's.
"Yeah." Shaun breathed. He was really close to the other boy and was disturbed
to find that his hair smelled like apples. He pressed a little closer, even
though he knew he probably shouldn't.
"And then you do your fingering here." Shaun said, squeezing Jesse's left hand,
the one over the fretboard. "And you strum here." He did the same to the right,
his chest now firmly pressed against Jesse's back.
If Jesse noticed their extreme closeness, he didn't mention it. "Play
something." He asked, turning his head slightly to look over his shoulder.
Jesse was so fucking short, the top of his head only came to Shaun's chin,
which was a small relief because if Jesse's lips had lined up with Shaun's just
then, he wasn't sure what would had happened.
But that was stupid. Nothing would have happened, Shaun thought grimly.
Jesse moved his hands under Shaun's, trying to escape and Shaun nearly dropped
the guitar in his haste to release him.
Jesse caught it in time though. He didn't say anything, he just held onto the
Gibson as he waited for Shaun to take it back.
"Thought I was teaching you." Shaun grumbled, snatching his guitar from the
little redhead. He slipped the strap over his head, though and with relative
ease he ran through a few complicated lines from one of his favorite songs from
last night.
Jesse watched him with fascination. "I knew you'd be good," he said in awe when
Shaun had finished.
"Whatever." Shaun thrust the guitar back at his friend and taught him a few
basics, trying… really, really trying to keep his patience and a tenacious
distance.
A future career in teaching was definitely out of the question, but with only a
few harsh words, which Jesse wisely ignored, Shaun managed to show him a few
chords before both of them grew too frustrated to play anymore.
"Told you." Jesse said after an hour or so. "Told you I could do it."
"You know what? You don't get to say 'I told you so' until you're as good as I
am." Shaun complained.
Jesse rolled his eyes and laughed. "Sometimes I really hate you." Though of
course that statement was thrown right out the window when Jesse slipped his
arm around Shaun's waist and hugged him again, too quick for Shaun to respond,
but slow enough for him to react with a blush.
Fuck! What was with all the goddamn blushing?!
"What can we do now?" Jesse asked, letting go. "Please don't make me go home,
ok? I've got the whole day off from my horrible family."
"They're not so bad." Shaun shrugged only being partially serious. He hated the
majority of Jesse's family. Especially the twins and the older one, Sam. They
were all fucking shit heads, as far as Shaun was concerned. Though the baby
wasn't all that bad. He didn't know enough about her to hate her, but she did
do an awful lot of sniffling and crying when she wasn't being held by Jesse
which was annoying.
Besides Jesse, Brian was the only one Shaun liked. Though he'd never admit it
aloud.
Jesse seemed to be on the same wavelength as him however and brought up the
toddler like they'd just been speaking of him.
"Brian misses you."
"Hmm." Shaun gestured Jesse to follow him and with a smile the little redhead
followed blindly.
"He threw a fit when I told him I was going to see you Saturday and that he
couldn't come."
"I'm glad you didn't bring him along." Shaun said with a frown. "Bars aren't
for little kids."
"Thanks Captain Obvious." Jesse poked Shaun in the side. Shaun batted his hand
away. "I wasn't going to, you know. I'm not an idiot."
"Could've fooled me. You are dating that insufferable bitch, Emily."
"She is pretty insufferable." Jesse agreed hesitantly, much to Shaun's
amusement. They slipped out of the garage and back around to the front of the
house. Shaun led his friend inside, not really sure what they were going to do.
"I know. I warned you."
"Yeah, whatever." Jesse rolled his eyes. "But you've gotta come over Monday
after school or Brian's never going to talk to me again. He thinks I'm keeping
you all to myself."
"Aren't you?" Shaun asked. He noted the empty kitchen as he led Jesse through
and into the living room, which was thankfully, just as deserted. He herded
Jesse to the couch. TV was a normal activity. They could watch TV.
"I guess I am." Jesse sat down and waited stiffly for Shaun to sit beside him.
When Shaun took a seat, Jesse cuddled, actually fucking cuddling, into his
side.
"What are you doing?" There was no question if Shaun should bring up the
strange behavior. It just flew out of his mouth.
"Using you as a pillow? Is that alright?" Jesse asked so casually Shaun found
himself nodding dumbly. "What's on TV?"
"Ah…" Shaun grabbed the remote, trying not to move the other boy. He flipped
the TV on. "Westerns." He said as Clint Eastwood came on the screen in his
cowboy garb.
"This is pretty good. I saw it once." Jesse settled further against Shaun and
like it wasn't fucking weird at all, he just laid there with his head resting
on Shaun's shoulder.
The touching was weird, but not inherently bad, unlike Shaun had implied
before.
He'd been able to put it off before, been able to push Jesse away with ease
when there was one last devastating secret between them. Ever since the murder/
suicide of his parents, Shaun had been treated like a psychopath. They were all
waiting for him to snap and start a murdering spree and he'd been sure Jesse
would join their lynch mob without hesitation.
Shaun had been waiting for the past to destroy every little semblance of a
relationship between them, waiting for Jesse to shrink away in disgust, like
everyone else, but Jesse knew his secret now. He knew and he didn't care.
Jesse was still smiling with him, laughing with him, watching him with eager
eyes. He still touched him, much to Shaun's distress.
He still wanted him.
And now the stupid little spark of interest that Shaun had felt that first day
when Jesse had sat by him and introduced himself, all bouncy energy, smiles and
laughter, flared into a feeling that, while unfamiliar, was recognizable.
Unnamable, because he didn't want to give it a name, embarrassing, because he
didn't want to admit it, but recognizable.
It wasn't love, not yet anyway, but it was close.
So, Shaun let Jesse lean against him as they watched The Good, The Bad and The
Ugly, occasionally commenting on the movie and listening to what Jesse had to
say, but mostly enjoying the feeling of having someone who liked him nearby.
And then, during the dramatic standoff at the end, Eli walked in.
"What are you boys watching?"
Jesse straightened up immediately, his eyes flying to Eli, wide with surprise.
"A movie." Shaun snapped. Why couldn't Eli have just waited a few fucking
minutes?! Or better yet, not have come in at all! Jesse was no longer touching
him and now Shaun's arm felt unbearably cold.
"Clint Eastwood's great in this." Eli said, glancing at the TV. They'd missed
the ending and the credits were just beginning to roll.
"What do you want?" Shaun hissed annoyed for so much more that simply missing
the ending.
Eli held up his hands. "I was just wondering who you had in here with you." He
said, glancing meaningfully at Jesse. "That isn't a crime, is it?"
"I guess not." Shaun grumbled, but he didn't bother to answer his grandfather
either way.
Jesse frowned at Shaun, giving him an exasperated look. "I'm Jesse." He said.
"Pleased to meet you, son." Eli held out his hand and Jesse shook it
sheepishly. "I'm Shaun's grandpa. Eli."
"Um… hi." Jesse said, smiling charmingly.
"Ok. You've met. Now what do you want?" Shaun didn't like this. He'd been
having a nice time when it was just him and Jesse. He didn't need Eli butting
in.
Eli looked slightly affronted, though it could have been a ploy for sympathy,
too.
It didn't work.
"Grandma isn't feeling up to cooking tonight. I'm taking her to the diner."
Shaun gave Eli an irritated look, waiting for him to get to the point. "Do you
two want to come with us? There isn't anything to eat here, really."
"No." Shaun snapped.
Jesse elbowed him. "Don't be so rude."
"Don't worry. He's always that way." Eli chuckled, leaning over to ruffle
Shaun's messy hair. Shaun violently tore away and out of Eli's reach.
"Stop it!"
"Don't worry. Your hair couldn't get any worse." Jesse joked, reaching up to
ruffle Shaun's hair, too.
Shaun caught his hand before he could reach the halo of tangled locks. He laced
their fingers together and pinning their entwined hands down to the couch.
"Are you sure you two don't mind being alone for a few hours?" Eli asked in
such a way that Shaun immediately let go of Jesse's hand and glared death at
the old man for the insinuation.
"We'll be alright." Jesse said, obviously missing it. "Won't we, Shaun?"
"Fuck you both." Shaun growled. He wanted to get up and escape into his
bedroom, abandoning Jesse, but he didn't think it would have the effect he was
hoping for.
Besides, Eli was done interrogating them. He smirked at Shaun and then went
into the back room, calling for Ruth.
"C'mon. Let's go to my room… at least until they leave." Shaun said, getting up
and all but running to his room.
Jesse was right behind him. He came into Shaun's room and looked around.
"Wow. Are you a closet OCD or something? I don't think I've ever been in a
guy's room that was so clean." He said.
"Eh, my grandma cleans when I go away." Shaun rolled his eyes, going over to
his stereo and turning some music on.
There wasn't much to do in his room. He didn't spend a lot of time here and
when he did he was usually getting high or sleeping.
Jesse found something to entertain himself with immediately however, going
through Shaun's huge music collection.
"Oh fuck! This is good." Jesse said absently, picking out a few CD's. "Ha! I
can't believe you have this!"
Shaun rolled his eyes, snatching the CD out of Jesse's hand and going to put it
in.
"Maybe you don't have such shitty taste." Shaun said, watching Jesse head bang
along with the music. Making himself look like a fool, but obviously not
caring.
"Bye kids!" Eli called, knocking on the door to Shaun's room as he and Ruth
prepared to leave.
"Go away!" Shaun yelled back.
Shaun watched Jesse head bang his way through the entire song, really getting
into it. He was smiling widely by the time the song ended and Jesse stumbled to
the bed and collapsed next to him.
"My head hurts." He moaned, staring up at the ceiling.
"Yeah, well you're doing it all wrong, you know." Shaun pointed out critically.
"You're lucky you didn't break your neck."
Jesse groaned. "Ow. I think I did."
Shaun snorted and continued to watch Jesse catch his breath and stop his head
from throbbing.
"We have any smoke left?" Jesse asked suddenly, peering up at him.
Fuck. "No. I forgot to get some." Shaun muttered. Between practice Friday, the
show Saturday and Jesse and all his distractions, he'd forgotten about talking
to Kyle.
"Can't we get some now?" Jesse asked.
"No." Shaun didn't want Jesse anywhere near Kyle. It was stupid and selfish to
want to keep his best friend to himself, but Shaun had it in his head that Kyle
wanted to steal Jesse away, possibly to make him gay.
Jesse was the first person Shaun had ever told Kyle about and even though he'd
never tell the other boy the whole story between them, he knew he had to
convince Jesse to stay away from the blond dealer. He knew Kyle would say
anything to get Jesse on his side. Kyle was such a fucking snake.
"C'mon. Please! I'll stay in the car! I won't talk to him or anything if that's
what you want!" Jesse begged, rolling slowly onto his stomach and holding his
hands together in a classic begging pose. "Please."
"You're turning into a pothead." Shaun grumbled, forcing himself not to be
amused. "I'll get some tomorrow."
"Shaun!"
"No."
"Shaun! C'mon, please!"
Shaun hated how effective Jesse pleading had become. He wondered if Jesse knew
just how undone Shaun felt around him lately. It was embarrassing even to think
about. Jesse batted his long, pale lashes, his pretty blue eyes so hopeful that
it made Shaun start feeling guilty again.
"For fuck's sake." He muttered, blushing slightly as he gazed at the boy on his
bed. "Are you ever going to shut up?"
"Nope." Jesse grinned broadly. "So, can we go now?"
Shaun wasn't happy with it, but Jesse did promise to sit in the car and said he
wouldn't talk to Kyle. As long as he kept the visit brief, it'd probably be
fine.
They took Ruth's car, an old van that was very prone to breaking down. Shaun
didn't bother using it for that very reason, but Kyle's house wasn't very far
away and plus he was kind of hoping it would break down so they wouldn't have
to go.
Shaun made Jesse wait outside his room while he rummaged around in the box
under his bed for his money. Jesse had a hard time staying out, however.
"What's the big deal? Do you have porn under there or something?" He laughed
from out in the hallway.
"Jesus, you'd think you were afraid to be alone." Shaun grabbed another 50, the
amount he had left was really starting to dwindle even with the semi-regular
payment he got for being Execute Invasion's lead guitarist.
"I'm not afraid." Jesse protested, though he did grab onto Shaun's arm for an
unusually long moment when Shaun returned, acting like he wanted to hold his
hand.
"What are you doing? Stop it." Shaun shook Jesse's hand off his arm. How was he
supposed to forget about his stupid gay feelings if Jesse kept touching him?
"Sorry, I just… I feel weird." Jesse drew back somewhat, glancing guiltily up
at Shaun. "After your story, I mean."
"Mmm." Shaun pocketed his money and strode towards the front door, Jesse hot on
his heels. He didn't address Jesse's weird admission until they got in the van
and he'd found the keys – conveniently sitting on the dashboard. "Maybe you do
need something to smoke. Calm you down."
"Ha, yeah. That was the idea." Jesse said, reaching out to touch Shaun's arm
again as he shoved the keys in the ignition and started the van.
This time Shaun let Jesse touch him and the redhead fisted a bit of his sleeve
as he held onto the fabric.
Kyle's house came into view about 10 minutes past Jesse's house. It was another
shitty little rambler house, a lot like Shaun's. It was on the edge of an old
farming property, and a big yellow field stretched across the backyard with
some dead, spindly trees dotting the horizon.
Kyle's family didn't bother to keep much clean, like Ruth did. And nobody in
their house insisted on putting pictures of Jesus and little statuettes of the
cross in every room. "Wait here." Shaun said firmly, parking the van in Kyle's
gravel driveway.
"I will." Jesse sighed, reluctantly giving Shaun's arm back to him.
Shaun rolled his eyes and hesitantly patted Jesse's hand like one might a cute
dog.
He got out, marching to the front door determinedly. He faltered when it opened
before he'd even reached the porch.
"Hey sugar." Kyle said from the open doorway.
He looked rather worse for wear, his normally very put together appearance was
mussed and he looked stoned as hell.
"Hey." Shaun eyed the other boy with caution. "Can I get some shit?"
"Mmm. You finished that whole bag in less than a week?" Kyle smiled, looking
blankly towards Ruth's van. "Were you sharing with a friend?" He asked slowly.
"Jesus Christ…" Shaun muttered.
"Come in, honey." Kyle stepped back, smiling dreamily around the dirty kitchen
the entrance led into. "Let's go in the back."
Now that Shaun had a good look at the other boy, he realized he was barely
clothed. He wore cut off shorts, which clung to his ass, and a short tank top
that barely covered his stomach. Shaun fought not to wrinkle his nose up too
much. He had burst in on the other boy unannounced. It wasn't like he'd done
this purposefully to annoy him.
The setup of Kyle's house was similar to Shaun's. Connected to the kitchen was
a small living room, strewn with beer bottles and other miscellaneous trash and
down the hallway was the bathroom, the master bedroom and two other smaller
rooms.
Before they could get further than the living room, however, Kyle stopped to
talk to a rough looking man watching a blaring sports game from his chair. He
was heavyset, though not fat per say, just thick. He had long black hair under
a baseball hat, a scruffy beard and a wife beater.
Shaun recognized the man as Kyle's stepdad.
"I've got a customer, daddy!" Kyle sang, climbing into the man's lap to give
him a chase kiss on the cheek.
"You gonna take care of 'im?" The redneck asked, his hand creeping up Kyle's
bare leg and towards his ass. Shaun watched, sickened.
"Yes, daddy." Kyle kissed the man's other cheek before he slid out of his lap.
As he did, it provided the perfect opportunity for Kyle's stepdad to grab his
ass. Kyle squealed like a girl and pulled away from the perverted redneck,
laughing.
"C'mon." He tried to take Shaun's hand, but the sullen boy stepped away from
him, sneering at the display. If Jesse couldn't even hold his hand, who the
fuck did Kyle think he was?
Kyle didn't seem terribly wounded, luckily, and he shrugged, leading the way to
his room. Or at least Shaun thought it was Kyle's room, but from the posters of
half-naked girls on the walls, Shaun realized that it was probably his
brother's.
"Oh fuck…where'd he—" Kyle pushed through the dirty room, making a path to the
dresser. He rifled through the top drawer. "Shit… here it is."
He pulled out his brother's stash of weed, packed neatly in a shoebox and a
supply of baggies. A digital scale sat on a desk across the room and Kyle went
to it, sitting at the computer chair and leisurely apportioning some green into
a baggie.
"So, is Jesse with you?"
"He's in the van." Shaun said shortly, watching Kyle do his work.
"He likes my merchandise then." Kyle said smugly. "He should have come in."
"I don't want him anywhere near you." Shaun said immediately, wishing he could
take it back as soon as it left his mouth.
"Why's that?" Kyle all but dropped everything he was doing, turning to face
Shaun. For the first time since middle school, Kyle looked a little pissed.
"I don't—" Shaun shut his mouth. He didn't want to look too fucking protective,
it was bad enough he had to deal with his own up and down emotions when it came
to Jesse, he didn't need Kyle interfering.
"What is it honey?" Kyle soothed, starting to make his way back to Shaun,
leaving the half-filled bag behind. "You can tell me anything."
"The fuck I can." Shaun pressed his lips together, feeling sick as the other
boy got near him. They weren't touching, but Kyle was close enough that Shaun
could feel the heat coming off his scantily clad body.
"I wish we could be friends again." Kyle whined, reaching out to touch Shaun's
arm. Shaun shook it off immediately. "I still don't understand why we don't
talk anymore." He said, going for Shaun's other arm this time.
Shaun ripped away from Kyle, getting angry now. "Because I didn't want to fuck
you." He hissed, wishing they hadn't gotten into this stupid conversation. He
wondered what he could have done to avoid it, besides never having become
friends with Jesse in the first place. Kyle's presence in his miserable life
had always been a given.
"But why not?" Kyle stepped closer still, laying his palm over Shaun's heart.
"Don't you think I'm pretty?"
Kyle was taller than Jesse and his lips lined up perfectly with Shaun's. Shaun
was gratified to feel none of the conflicting emotions he'd felt earlier with
Jesse. That meant that all the gayness he was feeling for Jesse was an isolated
incident and thus easier to get rid of. Here and now, with an actual gay guy,
he felt next to nothing, unless disgust, horror and maybe a bit of amusement
counted.
"I'm not attracted to you," Shaun said plainly. "And I'm not fucking gay."
Showing an amazing amount of restraint, he smacked Kyle's hand away. "And if I
was, I wouldn't fuck you anyway. You're a whore."
"Is that what you think of me?" Kyle had the gall to strike a domineering
stance. His hand on his hip, which was bare and jutting out salaciously. Shaun
gave the other boy an exasperated glance.
"C'mon, Kyle. Get the weed bagged up so I can get the fuck out of here." He
said.
"Alright, alright." Kyle dropped the stance and moved back to the desk to
finish the bagging process. Kyle handed over the weed and then held out his
hand for the money.
"Be careful, sugar." Kyle warned him, slipping Shaun's money into the waistband
of his cutoffs, like a stripper.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"However you want to interpret it." The scantily clad boy said cryptically.
Deciding to take this one in stride, Shaun left Kyle's house without another
word. He completely ignored Kyle's stepdad when the guy called out a friendly
goodnight.
"That took a long time." Jesse whined as Shaun got back into the van. The other
boy looked like he'd been squirming with impatience for quite a while. He
immediately latched onto Shaun's arm.
"Fucking Kyle…" Shaun shook his head. "He was giving me a hard time."
"He was?" Jesse's hand tightened around Shaun's arm. "What'd he do?"
"I don't want to talk about it." Shaun got the van moving and backed down the
drive, deciding at the last second that he didn't want to go home. He turned in
the opposite direction, heading down the dark road and towards nowhere in
particular.
Jesse didn't seem to mind the scenic route. He held onto to Shaun's arm and
sang – badly – along to some shitty country song on the radio. Shaun liked the
sound of his singing voice.
After a 20-minute drive, Shaun finally realized where they were going, but it
wasn't until he'd spotted the old gravel driveway that he believed he was
actually going to do it.
The house he had grown up in was no longer standing.
Nobody had ever lived there after what had happened, not that it was haunted or
anything. Shaun didn't believe in that kind of thing and besides, both his
parents had been so miserable, he was sure their spirits would have never
chosen to stick around. If they'd come back as ghosts they would have gone
somewhere better than this.
The house had simply sat empty for months and months after the murder/suicide.
Nobody had been interested in buying it, not even out-of-towners who had no
idea of its terrible past.
Shaun had gone to see it sometimes when he was younger, riding his bike the 10
miles or so and just to look at it.
Eventually though, the house had burned down.
They'd said it was arson. Most likely some kids playing around. No harm done.
Shaun hadn't felt all that upset about it. He'd always hated that place. Just
looking at it had instilled in him a stomach gnawing unease. He remembered all
the times he'd wanted his parents to go away, to stop fighting, to shut up and
die and then they had. They'd been dead and Shaun had watched it all.
He hadn't been back since the day it'd burned to the ground.
There was nothing left now. Just an empty lot with tall ungroomed grass. He
barely recognized it.
There was an old 'for sale' sign by the road, alongside a 'no trespassing'
sign, but there wasn't anyone around here that'd deny him the right to park
here. Just for a few hours.
Jesse was oblivious.
It'd gotten kind of late and the sun was nearly set by now. Shaun couldn't tell
if Jesse hadn't noticed the signs because of the lack of light or because he
was simply not paying attention, not that it really mattered he supposed.
Shaun pulled the van up to the charred foundation of his old house and cut the
engine and killed the headlights. They were suddenly plunged into darkness.
"Oh fuck. It's dark." Jesse said. His face was lit up dully by the green lights
coming from the console.
"Yeah. I didn't feel like going home." Shaun said as if that explained
anything.
"Me neither." Jesse said.
Shaun didn't know if Jesse was talking about his home or Shaun's, but he didn't
ask for clarification. "C'mon." He climbed out of the driver's seat and crawled
into the back of the van. The seats were pushed down in the back so there was
room to lay down. Jesse followed him and sprawled out beside him.
"Too bad you don't have a moon roof." Jesse said. "We could look up at the
sky."
Shaun leaned forward and unlatched the van's back hatch. As it swung open, the
dark sky came into view, the stars of twilight winking into existence.
"There's more stars here than in Detroit. Or in… well, anywhere that I've ever
lived before." Jesse said. "It's beautiful."
"It's alright." Shaun agreed, enjoying just listening to his friend talk about
nothing while he packed the bowl of his pipe. He was glad he'd decided to bring
it along. "Wanna go first?" He asked once everything was all set.
"Light it for me?" Jesse sat up halfway, propping himself up on his elbows.
Hesitantly, Shaun brought the pipe to Jesse's lips and he lit the pipe while
Jesse obediently puffed. Once it was burning, Jesse inhaled, sucking the smoke
into his lungs before he released the pipe and pulled back completely.
Shaun took a hit as he watched Jesse lay back, still holding in the smoke.
"You gonna breathe sometime soon?" He asked.
Jesse attempted to gracefully release all the smoke in a cool ring or
something, but ended up coughing and sputtering like an idiot. Shaun couldn't
help but laugh.
"I saw that going better in my head." Jesse excused himself, tears of exertion
running down his cheeks.
"You're an idiot." Shaun told his friend fondly.
They passed the pipe back and forth for a while, talking about nothing in
particular. Eventually Shaun got tired of doing everything for Jesse while the
lazy redhead laid back and enjoyed his buzz, so Shaun laid beside him, curling
up on his side.
It was quiet after that, for a while anyway. Jesse flopped onto his side,
making them both laugh briefly at how clumsy he was. But when Jesse got himself
under control again, he finally broke the silence.
"Where are we?" He asked.
"This is where I used to live." Shaun said after a moment. "The house burned
down, but this is where it was." He clarified before Jesse could ask.
Jesse must have suspected because he didn't look the slightest bit surprised.
Of course, he was really high. "Are you scared to be here?" He asked instead.
"No." Shaun said quickly, then, "I don't know. Maybe." He thought about it for
a moment more, shyly meeting Jesse's inquisitive gaze. "It used to make me sad
to be here."
"Not now?" Jesse's hand was suddenly folding around Shaun's own, their fingers
lacing together. Shaun blamed it on the weed for clutching the other boy's hand
like a lifeline.
"You're here." Shaun admitted, forgetting for the moment to be embarrassed by
the neediness implied in those two little words.
Jesse seemed pleased and really that was all that mattered, Shaun realized with
an uneasy pang.
"Let's be best friends forever, ok?" Jesse said, smiling dreamily. "When you
leave this shitty town, I want to come with you."
"You do?" Shaun was shocked by his friend's request. "But what about—"
"Just promise me, you'll take me with you." Jesse said. "Promise me."
Shaun didn't want to promise anything he couldn't 100% guarantee. And it scared
him that Jesse would want him too.
But Jesse… he was special.
Maybe he wasn't special to his mom, who had 5 other bratty kids, or to Kenny,
who had so many friends he didn't know what to do with them all, or to Emily,
who kept trying to twist Jesse into her view of the perfect boyfriend, but to
Shaun he was one of a kind. Shaun didn't even know if he could leave Jesse
behind with the way things stood now.
"I—yes." Shaun said. "We'll get out of here together." As the reluctant promise
was drawn out of his mouth, a weight settled onto his shoulders comfortably,
feeling more reassured than burdened.
Wordlessly, Jesse scooted closer, throwing an arm and a leg over Shaun and
giving him something resembling a full body hug.
"Hmm." Shaun mumbled. He put his arm around Jesse as well. The little redhead
felt good tucked against him like that and as Shaun rubbed his back he felt a
sense of contentment so strong he found himself laughing again, for the second
time in less than an hour!
Jesse pulled back, laughing as well. Shaun knew the moment was over then, as
they separated, but he wasn't sad. On the contrary, he was glad because he knew
he'd have Jesse tomorrow and the next day and probably next week, as well.
Maybe next month, if he was lucky. He'd never been so optimistic in his life
and it felt pretty fucking good to look forward to something for once.
Beside him, Jesse rolled onto his back again and started trying to name the
constellations like he knew what he was doing. Shaun smiled, listening to Jesse
get several wrong in a row.
They were still holding hands.
***
Shaun wasn't entirely surprised when Jesse was affectionate on the bus Monday
morning. He was a little embarrassed, especially when Jesse kept trying to grab
his hand. But Shaun gently pushed him away.
"What's wrong?" Jesse asked. They'd held hands for almost an hour the night
before, without either of them really noticing. What could be wrong with it
now?
"Not—" As much as Shaun felt obligated to keep the gayness down to a minimum –
at all times – he really didn't want to. At the very least though, they had to
be private about it. "Not in public." Shaun whispered gruffly.
Jesse looked up at him with his hurt, blue eyes. "But—"
"Don't even try to say you hold your other guy friends' hands, because I know
for a fact that you don't." Shaun snapped.
Jesse pouted, but he didn't argue. He changed the subject to school.
When Emily got on the bus Shaun was relieved to see her sit near the front with
her brother and her friends. He'd been afraid that now that she and Jesse were
dating – were they dating? – she'd at least try to sit near him. She did wave
at him, though.
Amusingly, Jesse wasn't paying any attention to her though, so her wave went
unrequited.
Jesse was more like his usual self in Chemistry. They were doing a review
session for a test on Tuesday. They played Jeopardy with the review topics in
four teams of students.
Shaun and Jesse were on the same team, and really, Shaun felt bad for the other
people in their group because neither of them knew a single answer.
"Melting ice is an example of what kind of change?" Mr. Barnes asked Jesse.
"C'mon this is easy." The stupid blond bitch, Sara, whispered. If she knew the
answer it really must have been easy, but Jesse bit his lip, looking lost.
"Uh…what is a chemical change?"
Sara sighed as Mr. Barnes shook his head and moved on to ask the next group.
Jesse had lost them 200 points.
"Shit! Sorry! I told you I'm bad at Chemistry." Jesse apologized to the rest of
the group, but he smiled widely at Shaun. "Guess we'd better study tonight,
huh?"
"You can study if you want." Shaun shrugged. He'd never put much effort into
school, why start now. Jesse however stuck his tongue out.
"You'll help me." He said smugly.
Shaun rolled his eyes and slumped in his seat, trying not to feel grin too
hugely.
They walked to history together, like always, though Jesse didn't immediately
retreat to his seat in the back. He lingered by Shaun's desk for a moment.
"I wish I would have known Mr. Barnes was going to give out suckers to the
winning team." Jesse pouted. "I like suckers."
"You don't need any sugar." Shaun drawled. "You're hyper enough as it is."
Jesse jabbed Shaun in the chest. "Just because you said that, you now owe me a
bag of suckers."
"I do?"
"Yes."
The bell rang. Shaun silently noted the look of mild distress on Jesse's face,
storing it away for another time.
"Guess I'd better go find my seat." He said reluctantly, stretching out his arm
like he was going to touch Shaun again, but he pulled away at the last second,
practically fleeing to his seat in the back, next to Emily.
Shaun was glad he'd aborted the attempt.
Last night after he'd took Jesse home, he'd made a deep cut in his hip. It
hadn't felt as good as it usually did, but it had certainly got him in the
right mindset.
He didn't need to be thinking about Jesse that way. He definitely didn't need
to be getting erections around him. It was wrong. It was sick.
Everything Shaun did was sick and in his mind his little punishment fit the
crime perfectly.
He tried to ignore how old that stupid argument was getting. Tried to forget
how worn down he'd felt, telling himself he was dirty – that he didn't deserve
to touch Jesse – that he was wrong – that he shouldn't be polluting the little
redhead – that he was a sick fuck – and that the only person who'd ever wanted
him had been a whore with conditions.
Class ended and without waiting for Jesse, Shaun went to his next class without
looking back once.
When lunchtime rolled around he was feeling more or less himself. Shaun went to
his usual table, the only one consistently empty, and started in on his
passable meal. The French fries were always pretty good at least.
"Hi."
Shaun jerked in surprise when Jesse sat down beside him.
"What are you doing here?" He asked, making his voice sound as indifferent as
he possibly could.
"Emily was being kind of a bitch, so I came to sit over here until she cools
down." Jesse sat down right beside Shaun, leaving very little space between
them. Shaun purposefully scooted a few inches away.
"What'd she do now?"
Jesse watched him move away with sad eyes, but he answered regardless. "I don't
know, she's mad I'm still hanging out with you. I guess she thought telling me
your secrets would make me hate you." The redhead gave him a significant look
at that, one which Shaun artfully ignored.
"Dump her already. There's gotta be a better girl you can fuck around with."
Shaun tried to ignore the feelings of extreme hate that welled up inside him at
the thought of Jesse hooking up with another girl. Shaun was just fixated on
Emily, he reasoned. He didn't care if Jesse was with other girls! Of course he
didn't! He just hated Emily…
"Yeah." Jesse shrugged. "I'm really starting to regret starting this whole
thing. I mean… she was different when I first met her. She was quiet and nice
and helpful, but now she's…" Jesse trailed off, staring across the cafeteria at
his girlfriend. She was talking with Sunny, obviously ignoring Jesse's look. "I
don't know, she's controlling and she's a stick in the mud."
Shaun snorted. "You just found that out? I told you not to fuck around 1with
her from the beginning."
"Hmm. I should have listened to you." Jesse turned his attention back to Shaun
fully, smiling at him coyly. "Now I'm afraid if I even hurt her feelings,
Kenny's gonna come after me. I don't really think he wanted me going out with
her in the first place."
"Kenny's an asshole." Shaun spat. "He's no better than his fucking sister."
Jesse sighed, laying his hand over Shaun's. "What'd they do to you?"
Shaun stared at their touching hands, wondering if he should move away.
"They're just so fucking high and mighty." He said after a moment. "Think
they're better than me because they have money and they're parent's actually
give a shit about them."
The redhead sighed again, squeezing Shaun's hand briefly, but luckily removing
it from Shaun's soon after.
"They're just scared. You know how stupid people can be when they're scared."
Shaun didn't want to let them off the hook and he gave a noncommittal shrug. He
hated everyone after all and there was no reason to turn Jesse into a cynical
and hateful person because of his own biases.
The rest of lunch was spent talking about guitars. Jesse was serious about
learning it seemed and Shaun was secretly glad that there was something that he
could share with the other boy that Jesse couldn't get from anyone else. They
made vague plans to practice again soon.
Shaun was embarrassed to admit how nice it felt to actually talk to someone
during the most social part of the school day. He'd never longed for social
contact before, but then again, he'd never meet anyone like Jesse either.
Gym was similar to lunch. Shaun had gotten used to Jesse talking with his other
friends, but Jesse didn't seem to have any interest in them today. He chose to
hang around Shaun even though they'd been placed on different touch football
teams again.
"Jesse! C'mon!" Kenny yelled, running past them and up the field, but Jesse
waved at the other boy and kept pace with Shaun's lackluster trot. They were
supposed to be doing… something, though Shaun didn't really know what. He'd
never been into football. It was a fucking stupid game and he chose to show his
masculinity in different ways, like hunting. He did realize that walking after
his team probably wasn't what he was supposed to be doing as a cornerback
though.
He was busy listening to Jesse talk about the horrible movie he'd seen on
Friday though and he couldn't be bothered to participate.
"You would have hated it. It was fucking awful." Jesse laughed, launching into
descriptions of the weak humor. Shaun was amused that Jesse thought he knew
enough about him to decide whether or not he'd like something. He found it
somewhat presumptuous, but sweet nonetheless. And he really hated that fucking
word… sweet.
When gym ended and they all trudged back to the locker room, Jesse fidgeted
with the drawstring on his shorts.
"Do you really have to skip next period?"
"Why?" Shaun asked, surprised by the random question.
"It sucks that I have to ride the bus home by myself." Jesse said shyly.
Shaun raised an eyebrow. "You're not alone. Your friends are there. So's your
girlfriend." He said in an attempt to cheer the other boy up. He failed a
little, with all the weird faces he made as he did so.
Jesse smiled sadly. "Yeah." He said.
Shaun glanced up ahead, just in time to see Kenny and Eric glowering at them.
They looked away when they realized Shaun was looking though.
Jesse followed Shaun's gaze, too late to see the looks of disgust on his
friends' faces. Not that it mattered.
"So, are you going to stay with me?"
Shaun was embarrassed by the extreme neediness of Jesse's statement.
"You're acting gay again." He accused, pushing Jesse away a little.
"Am not." Jesse said, moving right back to Shaun's side and bumping him with
his hip.
The sullen boy rolled his eyes. "Listen. I can't go to study hall after half a
year of skipping. It'll fuck everything up."
Jesse pouted.
"I'll meet you at your house. Right when you get home."
Jesse still pouted.
"It's only a few minutes." He promised.
"You're so mean." Jesse continued with his epic pout. "I don't know why I hang
out with you." He stuck his tongue out to show he was only joking, but Shaun
felt bad.
They dressed back into their regular clothes, both of them avoiding looking at
the other until they were completely covered and then they went their separate
ways.
Shaun really didn't want to wait. He didn't want to ride the fucking bus home,
but he sat outside the school anyway instead of walking home like he wanted to.
Jesse response was worth it anyway.
When he came out to get on the bus and saw Shaun uncomfortably waiting for him,
he ran to Shaun's side. He didn't hug him like Shaun suspected he wanted to,
but he smiled brilliantly and squirmed a day danced with happiness as they
walked to the bus.
"I have to get off at my stop, so I can get the weed."
"You don't have to." Jesse said softly as they took their regular seat at the
back of the bus. Jesse had passed Emily and Kenny and the rest of the kids on
their bus to come sit in the back, and he hadn't even acknowledged them. Shaun
couldn't even really find it in his heart to shoot them a victorious look.
Though he tried anyway.
They deserved it.
"What? Jesse doesn't want to get high?!" Shaun mocked.
"Fuck you." Jesse poked him for the millionth time. "Fine. Go get your stupid
weed."
"You act like I'm forcing you. You're the one that's addicted." Shaun pointed
out.
They fought each other playfully the whole ride home. Just two very good
friends having a good time.
When they got to Shaun's stop Jesse got off with him.
"Where are you going?!" Sam asked as they passed.
Jesse responded with the finger.
It was a good thing they'd come to Shaun's because he'd forgotten to bring
First Blood like he'd promised Brian he would. They collected the weed and the
movie, effectively ignoring Ruth, who'd bitched the entire time they were in
the house.
They stopped in the garage to get high and to fuck around on Shaun's guitar for
a bit. Jesse wasn't really a bad player. Especially for having very little
experience. He took direction well, even though Shaun wasn't all that good at
giving it.
"No. Like this." Shaun snapped, stepping forward to force Jesse's fingers into
the right position. Jesse batted him away, giggling.
"I can do it."
"The fuck you can." Shaun muttered darkly, taking another hit off the fat joint
he'd rolled. He watched Jesse fuck up again as he released the smoke. "Here,
you idiot." He held the joint out, smirking when Jesse leaned forward to get a
puff off it, looking like a fish with his lips all puffed out like that, a
really cute red-haired fish.
"Thanks." Jesse sighed, relieved as the pot worked his magic, the smoke
swirling around him in artistic billows. He closed his eyes as he let his
fingers make their slow progress up and down the fretboard like Shaun had been
trying to explain to him for the past hour. He finally seemed to get it.
"Good!" Shaun cried. "Finally!"
"That was alright?" Jesse smiled uncertainly.
"Fuck yeah."
They had to leave soon after that, but they left feeling rather accomplished.
Sam was watching the twins in the living room when they came in and he glared
at them heatedly.
"Give it a rest, Sam." Jesse sighed, leaning into Shaun's side clumsily.
Shaun smirked at the bratty kid, firmly taking Jesse's arm and leading him
upstairs.
"He's still mad?"
"I guess." Jesse didn't seem all that upset. He climbed up onto his bed,
waiting for Shaun to join him before he laid down and threw an arm over Shaun's
waist. "He avoids me most of the time and when he chooses to speak to me, he
acts like a little brat."
"It's probably a phase." Shaun resolutely did not touch Jesse in any way.
Except for the contact that the little redhead had initiated, that was.
"Mmm." Jesse yawned. "I didn't sleep good last night."
"Why not?" After Shaun had cut himself, he'd gone to sleep immediately,
dreaming of Jesse flying through a starry night sky. He knew it had been a
really fucking gay dream, but it wasn't like he could help it.
"I don't know. I felt weird without…" Jesse trailed off, the arm banding
Shaun's middle tightening its hold slightly before relaxing again. "Never
mind."
Shaun didn't say anything either. He could fill in the blanks.
Jesse had felt too weird without him to sleep. That's what he'd been going to
say. Hadn't he? The proof being that Jesse felt ready to sleep now that he was
snuggled up next to Shaun.
That made Shaun feel weird. Not bad though. Just really fucked up.
"No point in going to sleep. Your mom will be home soon."
"True." Jesse murmured. "Brian's going to be a little bundle of energy."
"Yeah." Shaun smiled. The toddler was an interesting little guy.
And indeed, Brian was very happy to see Shaun.
He grinned hugely when he arrived home to find Shaun and Jesse waiting for him
in the kitchen. Jesse was still pretty tired so he'd served everyone
Spaghettios he'd made in the microwave. For such a simple meal, it was actually
pretty good.
Brian just about chatted Shaun's head off during dinner, barely paying
attention to his food as he did and ending up with a face full of red sauce.
Snorting, Shaun helped the toddler clean himself up afterwards, ruffling his
silky blond hair affectionately.
"Can we watch the movie now?" He asked hopefully.
Sam had taken the twins upstairs and Shaun, Jesse, the baby and Brian now had
possession of the living room. Shaun shrugged.
"Sure."
First Blood was a cool movie, even though it was old. Shaun was glad to share
it with someone who'd never seen it before. Brian watched eagerly, leaning into
Shaun's side as he stared at all the blood and guts spewing on screen. Kids
today really were desensitized, Shaun thought rather approvingly.
Jesse took up a similar position to the one he'd used last week, sprawled out
on the couch with Lissa on his chest. He put his feet into Shaun's lap almost
without thought.
As it got later, the baby finally stopped squirming around on Jesse's stomach,
finally having fallen asleep. Jesse was next, his face appearing angelic in its
peacefulness. Brian lasted the longest, nearly the entire movie, but he too
eventually shifted to drop his head onto Shaun's thigh, drifting off to sleep
easily.
He looked so much like Jesse. They both had the same pretty blue eyes, the same
cute upturned nose and soft creamy skin. They both looked incredibly sweet in
their sleep.
Shaun had never wanted a brother. It'd just be someone else to hate, he'd
figured. But now when he looked down at the little boy asleep in his lap he
wished he could have grown up with a kid brother half as cool as Brian.
Glancing over at Jesse… well he felt something quite different than the swell
of brotherly affection he felt towards the little blond toddler. Something he'd
rather not think about just now.
Carefully he picked Brian up, marveling at the way the unconscious toddler
clung to him, completely trusting.
"I'm not tired." He muttered, pressing his face into Shaun's shoulder and
promptly falling back to sleep.
Shaun smiled and carried him upstairs.
He placed Brian in Jesse's bed, covering him with one of the blankets. Just as
he was climbing back down a voice nearly startled him into missing the last
step on the ladder.
"What are you doing with my brother?"
"I'm putting him to sleep." Shaun sneered, trying to cover the awkward moment
of him nearly falling on his ass. He turned around angrily, glaring at Sam.
The younger boy stood in the doorway, arms folded over his chest. He was
glaring hatefully.
"I meant with Jesse."
Shaun rolled his eyes." We're friends." He said clearly.
Sam continued to glare death at him and Shaun wondered if that was all Sam was
going to say, but finally he spoke again.
"I've heard the things people say about you. You're a monster."
Shaun grunted. He'd certainly heard that before. The word had gotten tossed
around quite a bit before he'd started punishing people for saying it.
"You don't know anything, you little shithead."
"I know you killed your parents." Sam hissed. "And I know you made my brother
hate me and I know you're going to turn him against us!" The middle schooler
accused, poking a finger at Shaun.
"Wrong on all counts." Shaun said, smirking at the younger teen.
"Tck, as if you'd admit it."
With one quick step, Shaun was up in Sam's face. Or rather, down in his face.
Firmly he grabbed a handful of Sam's flame-red hair, pulling him back so that
he would have uninterrupted eye contact.
"Let's get the story straight, kid. Since we're probably going to be spending a
good deal of time around each other." He hissed, ignoring Sam's frantic hands
clawing at his arms. Shaun held tight. "I didn't kill my parents. I watched
them die though. And if I really wanted to turn Jesse against your family, I
wouldn't be helping him babysit you little brats every night. Oh, and the
reason Jesse hates you right now is because you're a fucking," Shaun pulled
back hard on Sam's hair, jerking his head back at a painful angle. "Puck ass
bitch, who specializes in being a nasty little cunt."
As suddenly as he'd grabbed him, Shaun released Sam, sending him stumbling into
the hall. Sam stared at him for a full 5 seconds, his eyes wide and fearful,
before he bolted from the hallway and back into the twins' room, slamming the
door behind him with a bang.
Surprisingly both Brian and Jesse had slept through the commotion. Shaun
checked on Brian first, peeking up into the bed and then he went down to see
Jesse.
The movie had ended and the credits were rolling. He went to the DVD player,
taking his movie out and placing it back in its case. He turned the TV back on.
"Wha…" Jesse muttered as he woke up.
"Sorry." Shaun came to sit beside him on the couch again.
"It's ok." Jesse sat up slightly, stroking Lissa's back. "Did you put Brian in
my bed?"
"Yeah." Shaun said awkwardly.
"Mmm." Jesse got up. "I'm going to put the baby down. Don't go away."
Shaun nodded, sitting up ramrod straight. He hoped Sam wouldn't blab and get
Jesse mad at him.
Was that even possible? Would Jesse even care if Shaun had yelled at Sam and
called him mean names? He wasn't sure, but he couldn't see Jesse approving of
such behavior.
Sam must not have said anything though, since when Jesse came back downstairs
he looked completely oblivious.
"Sorry I fell asleep." He said. Jesse still looked pretty tired, but he didn't
lay back down, choosing instead to sit on his folded legs, watching the boring
sitcom Shaun had randomly changed the channel to.
Monica was unusually late. It was already past 9:30. She was usually home by
now.
Jesse didn't seem worried though, so Shaun didn't mention it.
"You ok?" Jesse was looking at him, concern encroaching on his sleepy
expression.
"Fine." Shaun said, a little too quickly.
Jesse scooted closer, leaning into Shaun's side a lot like Brian had been doing
a little bit ago. He sighed, his soft breath blowing through Shaun's hopelessly
frizzy hair.
They sat there watching the show on TV for what felt like forever. Shaun was
afraid to move, even though he was pretty sure Jesse was asleep. He couldn't
take this much longer. Being so close. It was doing things to him that he
wasn't comfortable with.
As the show ended and a new one came on, the front door opened on Jesse's mom.
Hastily, Shaun jerked away from Jesse, letting the little redhead fall face
first onto the couch cushion.
"Er…hi." Shaun said stupidly. He was blushing a stupid bright red, even though
he knew Monica hadn't seen them. She'd been looking at her cellphone as she
came in.
"Oh. Shaun." Monica looked up from texting. "I hope you boys weren't waiting up
for me. Sorry I'm so late." She said. Behind him on the couch Jesse moaned and
Shaun blushed harder.
"Well, I guess I'd better get going." He said, sprinting for the front door and
out into the cool night air. At least out here, his burning cheeks didn't feel
quite as uncomfortable.
***
The rest of the week passed in the same way as Monday.
Shaun kept waiting for Jesse to get over his clinginess, waiting for him to go
crawling back to Emily, Kenny and their ilk, but if anything, he became even
more focused on Shaun. Hanging off him, following him around, talking to him
exclusively and almost constantly.    
Even though he didn't really want to, Shaun took up riding the bus home with
Jesse every day. He hated sitting around and waiting for the end of the day to
come. But it was always worth it to see Jesse's smiles and his badly restrained
affection.
They practiced guitar now, every afternoon before they had to be back to
babysit Brian and Lissa. Shaun didn't know how much the other boy was learning,
as he was always high when they practiced, but it was usually a lot of fun.
Jesse didn't say anything about his argument with Sam. Shaun assumed the little
brat was keeping quiet, but whenever he saw Sam and Jesse interact, the middle
schooler seemed even bitchier than before.      
On Wednesday, Jesse didn't mention going to church and they hung out all night,
never bringing up Emily once.
So, Shaun really shouldn't have been so surprised when on Friday morning Jesse
asked him what they were going to do that night.
"What do you mean?"
"Well… my mom usually tries to give me the weekends off, you know. So hopefully
when she comes home we'll be able to do something on our own." Jesse explained,
watching Shaun closely. "Unless you have to go to band practice."
"Don't you have something better to do? Like be with your girlfriend or
something?" Shaun sneered, but not because he was mad. He was just
uncomfortable with the stupid, fragile, little, fluttery feeling he'd recently
developed in the pit of his stomach when it came to Jesse.
It was all so fucking gay…
"No." Jesse said firmly, as if the idea of spending time with his girlfriend
was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard. "So, can we do something?"
"I guess." The fluttery feeling was sticking around, refusing to leave.
"Good." Jesse casually touched Shaun's knee, playing with the worn hole in his
jeans. "So, you don't practice with your band Friday?"
"No, that's tomorrow." Shaun flicked Jesse's hand away, covering the hole and
effectively putting an end to the wandering hands. They were still on the
school bus after all. People could see them.
"Can I come?"
Shaun snorted. "Are you fucking serious?" There was no fucking way Shaun was
going to take Jesse to band practice. He could just picture it now. Jesse
grabbing onto him, trying to hold his hand, trying to lay his head on him,
snuggling up to him like some cat in heat. "Hell no."
"What?" Jesse pouted immediately. "C'mon. Please! I want to see you guys play
again!"
"Then come to the next show." That wasn't much better, but at least he could
duck out of the venue and get some privacy. There'd be none of that at Will's
house.
"Shaun!" Jesse pleaded and Shaun was usually kind of a pushover when it came to
Jesse begging, but he had a reason to refuse.
"No."
The rest of the day consisted of Jesse pouting and pleading to be allowed to
come to band practice with Shaun. All through Chemistry, lunch, gym and the bus
ride home.
Shaun waited until they got to his house after school to tell the little
redhead off the way he wanted to. Actually, he pulled the other boy into the
garage first.
"Jesse! Shut up!" He yelled as soon as they were alone.
Jesse pouted, but his mouth fell shut finally.
"I don't want you coming with me because …" What was a nice, and not completely
stupid way, to tell Jesse he couldn't come around because he couldn't keep his
hands to himself? "Because you..." Fuck it. "Because you keep acting like a
fucking fag!"
"What?" And of course, Jesse had to look completely confused, as if he'd been
possessed this past week and someone else had been molesting Shaun without
Jesse's knowledge.
"You keep… touching me!" Shaun spat, flushing an ugly red. This was so
embarrassing. "Danny called us gay because you were hugging on me and crap!"
"Who's Danny?" Jesse asked sourly. "He sounds like a prick."
Shaun smirked at the random comment. "Danny's the drummer. And he is, by the
way." Shaun said. "A prick."
"I won't hug you then." Jesse said quickly, forcing the smirk from Shaun's
face. "I won't touch you at all!"
Shaun was pissed at how much he disliked the prospect of no more touching. He
didn't mind it really… he just knew people would see it all wrong. Not like
there was really a right way to read into it.
"You know… just when we're around the band." Shaun said, wondering if Jesse was
going to finally stop clinging to him because of his comment. It would be
better in the long run, really. Jesse shouldn't be touching him, even if he did
like it. It was better this way. Really!
But Jesse smiled slightly, closing the few feet of distance the argument had
put between them.
"Ok. Just when we're around other people. Like you said." He said softly,
reaching out to poke Shaun in the stomach. Shaun knocked his hand away with a
halfhearted scowl. "People just don't get it."
"No, they don't." Shaun agreed solemnly. He didn't really know what it was that
people weren't 'getting' but he wasn't about to say that there wasn't something
there between them that couldn't be explained. Because there had to be. Why
else would he like being around such a faggy guy so much?
"I don't know what it is but… you're my best friend ever." Jesse said, smiling
up at Shaun's serious expression. And then Jesse leaned in, putting his arms
around Shaun's waist.
Shaun sighed. Well, it looked like he didn't have to worry about Jesse getting
over his clinginess. That stupid fluttery feeling came back in full force and
Shaun felt his arms wind around the redhead's shoulders of their own accord,
his long fingers threading through Jesse's soft hair.
"Mmm." Jesse murmured, burying his face in Shaun's chest and effectively
pushing his head into Shaun's hands. "That feels nice." He said, his voice
muffled.
Rolling his eyes, Shaun rubbed his knuckles into Jesse's scalp, giving him a
noogie.
"Hey!" Jesse ducked away from Shaun. "Cut it out!"
Shaun smiled, glad that the fluttery shit was gone. "Well, do you want to
practice or not?" He said, gesturing to the guitar they'd left on boxes
yesterday.
"Hell yeah!" Jesse cheered, rushing to go get everything set up.
***
They ended up not doing anything special that night. Once Monica came home,
they tried to escape back to Shaun's house. Brian threw such a huge fit though,
they – or rather Shaun –decided to stay put.
Jesse didn't seem to mind that much, though he did call Shaun a push over.
The three of them went up to Jesse's room and played with Brian's Legos, which
was pretty boring. Shaun found he didn't mind too much though. He did like the
stupid little kid after all. He was especially pleased when Brian made a gun
and pretended to assassinate Jesse. Shaun laughed, watching the kid pretend to
be Rambo.
Eventually, Brian had to go to bed though. Shaun helped Jesse clean his room up
afterwards laughing with him about how amusing Brian was.
"You probably shouldn't show him stuff like that." Jesse said once the room was
back to normal, in other words, still messy, though minus the little kid toys.
"He'll turn into a serial killer."
"Like me?" Shaun joked.
"Tck, no." Jesse snorted. "You're a big softie. I don't think you'd ever hurt
anybody."
"Fuck you. Yes, I would." The bigger boy grunted. "I've hurt lots of people."
"So you say." Jesse crossed his arms, looking superior. Shaun watched him as he
turned and climbed up onto his bed. "You coming up?"
Shaun frowned. "It's getting late. I should probably get going."
"You can stay if you want."
It was so casual, such a normal thing to do. Just some guys sleeping in the
same bed. Completely normal.
"Jesse—"
"What? It's not a school night. You can spend the night if you want." Jesse
interrupted earnestly.
"It's weird."
"No, it's not."
Shaun rolled his eyes. "We'll probably be crashing at Will's after practice."
He assured the other boy. "We can hang out tomorrow night."
Jesse pouted. "But what about tonight?"
"Jesse, c'mon." This was getting weird. It was like Jesse never wanted him to
leave. Well, that was weird own, but sleeping together? That seemed like a
whole other level.
An incredibly, irreparably gay level.
"You're no fun." Jesse lamented, but he sighed with resignation. He laid down
on his stomach, looking over the edge of his bed and down at Shaun with sad
eyes. "So, when are you going to come pick me up tomorrow?"
Shaun shrugged. He didn't want to get to Will's place too early since he didn't
know how the rest of the band would react to him bringing a friend along. So,
limiting the amount of time they were there, sitting around, sounded like a
good idea. And if Danny and Will were really being obnoxious about Jesse, then
they could just wrap up practice and leave early.
"Around 5 maybe." That'd give them an hour to get there. Practice usually
started up around 6 or so.
"Ok." Jesse looked somewhat rejected and feeling a little strange all of a
sudden, Shaun nodded curtly and turned to leave. "Do you want me to come with
you?" The little redhead threw out suddenly, stopping Shaun in his tracks.
The fluttery feeling, like butterflies tickling him from the inside, started up
again.
"No." He said without turning. "I'll see you tomorrow."
Jesse luckily didn't have anything else to say and he let Shaun leave in peace.
Only he wasn't in peace.
Shaun was upset.
Why couldn't Jesse just let him enjoy anything? Lately, every time they were
having a good time Jesse insisted on acting weird and all but destroying the
good mood.
Well, maybe he wasn't destroying it, but Shaun certainly didn't savor the
disgusting fluttery butterfly feeling Jesse kept inspiring. He wished they
could just go back to the way they were, cautious friends, who knew very little
about each other and never fought over what day they were going to sleep
together.
Shaun had liked them before.
Now… he just felt unaccountably stupid and confused.
The walk home did little to calm him down, and when he got home neither did the
sight of his grandfather, asleep in his armchair and apparently waiting up for
him.
Ever since Sunday, Eli had been dropping these weird little comments about
Jesse. It was infuriating, because he so obviously thought something was going
on between him and Jesse.
He passed Eli silently, glad when he kept sleeping.
Shaun undressed partially, leaving his t-shirt and his boxers on. He laid on
top the covers, staring at the dark ceiling.
"This is so stupid." He muttered to himself for no reason at all.
He laid still for a while, just thinking.
For a few minutes, he was able to keep his mind off of any dangerous topics. He
thought about the band, about some of the new song ideas that had been bouncing
around in his head. He thought about school and how he still hadn't started
writing the poem for English class. It was due next Friday.
Then, helplessly, he started thinking about Jesse.
His stupid goofy smile whenever he learned a new trick on the guitar. The
stupid way his nose would wrinkle up when he thought something was funny in
class, but couldn't laugh out loud. His insistence that he put his feet in
Shaun's lap every time they watched TV before Lissa's and Brian's bedtime.
He started to get the fluttery feeling again and that was really not
acceptable.
Reaching over, Shaun pulled his father's knife out of his bedside table. He was
trying to train himself not to think about Jesse like that and the best way he
knew how was to give himself a little pain every time it happened.
Shaun pulled his shirt up and pressed the knife gently into the skin of his
stomach, right above the traitorous fluttery feeling.
Jesse's pale face appeared in his mind's eyes, gazing at him in that intense
way he'd picked up in the past few weeks, repeating his words from before the
night ended.
"You can spend the night if you want."
Shaun's sick, disturbing mind forced him to imagine what would have happened if
they had stayed together. If Shaun had climbed up into Jesse's bed like the
other boy had suggested.
They'd be lying there together, right now, facing each other like they had been
Sunday night in the back of Ruth's van. There'd be no stars to distract Jesse
this time, just the two of them, covered in darkness, pressed together because
Jesse was having a hard time with personal space lately.
The mental picture conjured up something a bit stronger than the normal
butterfly feeling. Instead, he felt the stirrings of arousal coiling in his
belly.
Horrified by the feelings Jesse kept inspiring in him and hoping to put a stop
it, he pushed the knife harder into his stomach.
It was definitely sharp.
"Ah…" He gasped, dropping the knife as blinding pain shot through his abdomen.
It wasn't deep. He didn't think anyway. But he had just, more or less, stabbed
himself in the stomach, which was one of the most painful places to do so.
He thought about getting up to check, but it hurt to move. There was blood.
Quite a bit of it, though it certainly wasn't gushing or anything.
He managed to pull his shirt off and he pressed it gingerly to his newest
wound.
At least the fluttery feeling was gone. And the beginnings of arousal had most
assuredly been chased away.
All that was left was pain…
***
The next day Shaun stayed in his room for several hours.
He realized now how stupid he'd been, fucking stabbing himself in the stomach…
What the fuck had he been thinking?!
It hurt really bad and it looked pretty fucking disgusting, too. It was an
inch-wide hole below his belly button. A dark red, yawing wound.
He'd bled all over his sheets again, the hem of his boxers stained sticky red
as well as the shirt he'd bundled up to use as gauze.
And it was deeper than he usually cut and it wasn't really in a place he had a
lot of experience hurting himself in. He didn't know whether or not to be
concerned…
Shaun snuck into the bathroom to clean himself up. It was too painful to
directly wash the stab wound, but he'd managed to splash it clean in the sink
and tape some heavy gauze over it.
It took care of the bleeding at least.
"What are you doing in there?" Eli knocked on the door suddenly, causing Shaun
to jump, wincing.
"Nothing!" he cried pulling his clean shirt on hastily so his stomach was
covered.
"Can we talk?"
"I'm taking a shower." Shaun growled, reaching over to the bathtub and turning
the water on. It drowned out whatever Eli said next and the older man knew
better than to just barge in. Shaun sat down on the toilet, letting the empty
shower run.
He had a few hours before he was supposed to pick Jesse up. He didn't know how
he was going to avoid Eli until then. He couldn't run the shower all day…
though it was tempting.
Once he was sure Eli was gone, he shut the water off and escaped back into his
room. He blocked the door with his desk chair and turned his music on as loud
as it would go.
Normally, he liked it loud, but today it was just giving him a headache. He
laid back on his bed, gasping at a sharp pain in his stomach. He put his pillow
over his head and blotted out all the head throbbing distractions.
It felt like mere moments had passed when he was shaken awake next. The
confusion and drowsiness he felt were strong indicators he'd been asleep for a
long time, though.
"What?" He muttered, pulling the pillow off his face. The room was dim, the
lamp on his bedside table the only illumination. His music was off as well.
Eli was standing over him.
"You're bleeding!" He said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. His hands
fluttered over the dark stain low on Shaun's stomach.
Shaun sat up with a groan. "What do you want?" He asked warily. He felt really
disoriented and couldn't figure out why Eli would be bothering him. Wasn't he
supposed to do something?
"Your little friend's here." Eli said, looking somewhat startled. "He said you
were supposed to come get him at 5."
"Oh fuck." Shaun had completely forgotten! "What time is it?!"
"Nearly 6."
Shaun grunted, hauling himself up from the bed. It hurt, but he valiantly chose
to ignore it. He had to get to practice, pretend everything was normal and that
he hadn't stabbed himself. Jesse would be worried if he didn't.
He collected a clean shirt, intending to change in the bathroom where he could
reapply another wad of gauze.
Eli followed him.
"What is going on with you." He hissed as Shaun trudged into the hallway.
"Shaun?" Jesse stood awkwardly at the end of the hallway. His carefully blank
expression turned into a grin when Shaun met his eyes. Shaun quickly turned
away before Jesse could see the blood.
He opened the bathroom door and started to slip inside, but Eli forced the door
aside and squeezed into the room behind him. He shut the door firmly.
"What is going on, Shaun." Eli pressed, standing in front of the door like a
sentinel. Shaun tried to ignore him, turning to get the gauze from the cabinet
over the sink. Eli grabbed his arm before he could reach it however, stopping
him.
"Nothing!" Shaun snatched his arm away, his eyes flashing dangerously. Eli
didn't back down. "Jesus Christ! Nothing's going on!"
"What's that then?" Eli gestured to the bloody spot, not as big as it had
seemed when Shaun had woken up, but still quite large. "What are you doing to
yourself?"
Shaun didn't speak, turning away to remove the old bandage and sloppily reply
the new. His wound was starting to look really infected, but Shaun ignored it,
plastering the gauze over it so he wouldn't have to worry about it for now.
"I have to go to practice." Shaun muttered, his back still to Eli.
"I don't think that—"
"I have to go." The sullen boy said firmly. "I'll be fine."
Eli was silent for a moment, thinking it over. Finally, he sighed.
"Do what you want, Shaun. You know I can't stop you." He said tiredly. "But
when you come back, we really need to have a talk."
"You've been saying that for days now." Shaun sneered. "Didn't we just talk?"
"Hardly."
"You want to make sure I'm ok, right?" He taunted. "Well, I'm great. I've never
been better, actually."
"Shaun…"
"You don't need to worry about me, because I have everything under control."
Shaun threw his bloodied bandages into the trash before he quickly pulled his
dirty shirt over his head, replacing it with a black thermal. He finally turned
around, meeting his grandfather's troubled gaze. "Thanks for the concern." He
said sarcastically.
Eli moved aside as Shaun stepped forward.
"I'll see you soon." The older man said as if to reassure himself.
"Whatever."
Jesse was waiting at the end of the hall, where Shaun had left him. His
expression was a mix of excitement and concern.
"Everything ok?"
After having practiced this very response with Eli moments before, Shaun was
able to spew forth an appropriate response.
"Everything's fine." He said, trying for a cheerful tone, but falling somewhat
short of the mark. Jesse stared up at him, looking even more concerned than
before. "Let's go." He said quickly, cutting off Jesse's reply.
Shaun took Eli's car, like always. He was afraid to load the guitar and amp
himself and risk bleeding through his fresh bandages so he ordered Jesse to do
it. Luckily, the little redhead was eager to please and did as asked without
complaint while Shaun started the car up and found a suitable song on the
radio.
Jesse was mercifully quick and before long he climbed into the passenger seat.
"Thanks." Shaun grunted as he backed the car down the driveway. He could feel
Jesse's sharp blue eyes on him, watching him carefully, but he didn't dare look
over.
"You're welcome."
There was a long silence as they drove, at top speed, towards Will's house.
Being an hour late really wasn't going to be that big of a deal. They probably
hadn't even noticed Shaun's absence.
Shaun still felt it was important to be on time though. It bugged him that he'd
fucked everything up tonight, just because of some stupid feelings he'd been
having for the boy at his side.
He didn't feel much for the other boy right now, especially not right now… But
then again, he'd barely looked at him, he hadn't said much to him, and he was
so wrapped up in his own little world that it was next to impossible for Jesse
to worm his way in, whether it be physically or mentally.
"Something's wrong." Jesse said suddenly, obviously sensing that, in Shaun's
mind, he was a thousand miles away.
"Everything's fine."
"You already said that." Jesse said, catching Shaun up.
"I did." Shaun said emotionlessly. At this point, he didn't much care. He just
wanted to get through practice tonight without embarrassing himself and without
being cross examined!
"Shaun!" Jesse cried, forcing Shaun to finally look his way.
The little redhead had turned completely towards Shaun in the few minutes
they'd been driving. He had his back to the window and his legs tucked up
underneath him. Those pretty eyes of his eyes were wide with hurt and betrayal.
His mouth was open, lips red and soft looking.
Shaun felt the dreaded butterflies fluttering in his stomach as his gaze zeroed
in on that one piece of anatomy. Mouth. Hot. Wet. Tongue flicking out to taste
a pouting lower lip…
Shaun tore his gaze away, hating himself and suddenly wanting to add another
stab wound to his collection.
"What is going on? Did something… happen last night? Did you Grandpa say
something to you?" Jesse guessed. "Why are you acting like this?"
Shaun hated that he cared so much about the other boy. Before, he hadn't cared
if he'd hurt Jesse's feelings, but now it was painful to just sit here and
listen to his friend's distress.
But it had to be this way.
"Nothing happened, nobody said anything, and I'm not acting any different."
Jesse's eyes opened wider, nicely expressing his disbelief. "You're acting like
you hate me!" he said loudly.
Shaun couldn't help but laugh at that. On the contrary… I like you too much. Of
course, he didn't say that.
"Do you want to go home?" Shaun said instead, a tad harsher than he'd intended,
but maybe that was for the best. "I'll take you back right now if you don't
want to come with me anymore."
"No." Jesse said immediately. "I just wish you'd talk to me." He said softly.
And maybe if it had been about something other than his developing homosexual
feelings, he would have. But as it was, Shaun shook his head, muttered that
nothing was wrong, and continued driving.
Jesse didn't say another word.
Shaun had never been so glad to get to Will's in his life. The 40-minute drive
had been nearly unbearable, awkwardly silent, stifling, full of Jesse's
pathetic little glances which were obviously pleas for Shaun to talk to him.
Shaun ignored him though and Jesse kept his silence.
"Do you want me to get your stuff?" Jesse asked shyly once they'd finally
pulled up outside Will's house.
"Yeah."
For some reason, that seemed to make Jesse sad and he turned his face away,
staring out the window for a moment before he got out of the car and went
around to the back, collecting Shaun's stuff.
Once again, he chose to ignore Jesse and Shaun reached over the seat, snatching
his guitar up before the little redhead could. He could carry a guitar without
killing himself, he reasoned. It was the amp that he thought might hurt.
"Hey!" Danny called as Shaun walked in the front door. He was sprawled out on
the couch, alone in the living room. There was some sports game on the TV.
Danny was holding a beer and already appeared quite drunk.
"Is he here?" Will appeared in the doorway between the living room and the
kitchen. He had a beer too, but seemed more or less sober.  He glared when he
spotted Shaun with his guitar. "It's about fucking time."
"Sorry." Shaun grunted, stepping aside as Jesse finally managed to maneuver his
amp up to the house. He held the door open for the smaller boy, cringing
internally when both Will's and Danny's gazes turned to the newest arrival.
"Who's that?" Will asked, wrinkling his nose.
Danny laughed, immediately infuriating Shaun. "That's Shaun's little friend.
From last week. Remember? I told you about him." Will gave Danny a blank look.
"The kid that hugged Shaun?"
"Oh." Will laughed, joined by Danny a moment later. Shaun flushed an ugly brick
red. If he'd been feeling up to it, he would have beat Danny's ass. But it was
just as well, because Ben appeared behind Will, pushing his way into the room.
"Hey. You're finally here." Ben shot a glare at Danny, but otherwise didn't
acknowledge him. He came up to Shaun's side, flashing him a smile before he
turned to Jesse. "Hi." He said in his normal cheerful tone. "I'm Ben."
"Hello." Jesse said shyly. "I'm Jesse." They shook hands. "You're an amazing
bass player. You're all really great musicians." He said, totally sucking up.
He glanced over at Shaun, looking uncertain about how he should be acting.
Shaun had no direction for the smaller boy though, and he was more concerned
with the throbbing pain in his abdomen than making his bandmates like Jesse.
The other boy seemed to be doing well on his own anyway.
"That's fucking right." Will preened.
"At least your boyfriend's got good taste." Danny joked, smirking victoriously
at Shaun who let the slight pass uncontested. He barely even registered it.
"Are we going to practice or what?" He grunted, dragging his guitar into the
garage.
The others followed momentarily.
They were all distracted by Jesse who was talking a mile a minute, asking about
upcoming shows. Will answered most of them in the arrogant way he had whenever
talking to a fan-type and Danny watched the proceedings with a vague drunken
amusement. Ben seemed particularly taken with Jesse though, pulling him aside
when Will finally got sick of the never-ending questions and dismissed him with
a wave.
Ben talked with Jesse in low quiet tones as he set up his bass. Jesse was
glowing with all the attention and even though Shaun couldn't hear what they
were talking about over the sound of Danny warming up his drum kit, he could
tell that Ben and Jesse were really hitting it off.
Shaun didn't like it. But he didn't have the energy to stop it either.
Soon enough though Ben was gesturing towards the threadbare couch pushed up
against the far wall and Jesse flounced off to have a seat so he could watch as
practice finally started.
It was a very uncomfortable practice for Shaun. He was in pain, of course, but
he was also hyper aware of his every move thanks to Jesse's intense stare. It
was piercing and sharp, even from across the room. Shaun was tempted to stop
playing and yell at the little redhead to look at someone else for a change, to
watch Ben play bass, watch Danny drum or Will sing… He hated the way Jesse's
attention made him feel.
"What the fuck's wrong with you?" Will called a halt to practice after only 30
minutes. He glared at Shaun. "You're playing's shit today."
"He's got performance issues." Danny snorted from behind the safety of his drum
kit. "He can't do it when his boyfriend's watching."
Shaun sent Danny a dark and malevolent glare, shutting him up effectively. Ben
jumped in to defend him anyway.
"Quit it." He said firmly and Danny stuck his tongue out at him.
"Are you ready now, asshole?" Will asked, glaring at Shaun and ignoring the
brief side discussion. "We've got another show coming up soon." He then
proceeded to start the next song without waiting for Shaun's reply, which was
par for the course.
Shaun played his heart out, working up a sweat which was only partially from
effort and more from the strain he was putting on his injured body. It still
wasn't good enough.
"Fuck, you suck." Danny flipped Shaun off after their Slayer cover.
"Yeah. Maybe we should just quit." Will frowned, bending to pick up his half
full bottle of beer. He finished it off quickly and headed back into the house
for more, Danny hot on his heels.
"You ok?" Ben asked, now one of the last people left in the room. Jesse was
still on the couch watching them with wide eyes.
"I guess." Shaun grunted. He just wanted to sit down. But not next to Jesse!
"C'mon. Let's go get something to drink." Ben waited for Shaun to put his
guitar down and pushed him into the living room, Jesse trailing after.
He could hear them whispering together behind his back, but he ignored them. He
flopped into the armchair, glaring at the football game on TV.
Some stuff happened, but Shaun was too out of it to care. Will and Danny went
out on a beer run and Ben and Jesse got comfortable together on the couch. They
talked in hushed voices, occasionally glancing Shaun's way. He vaguely wondered
what they were talking about, but he was busy thinking about how he was going
to get out of here. He felt really fucking sick.
What felt like hours passed before Will and Danny were back, carrying a couple
cases of beer. They threw one at him and he drank obligingly.
When he'd finished the first one, Ben brought him a second, leaving his cozy
little seat with Jesse to do it. And when Shaun had finished the second, Jesse
brought him a third.
Shaun was feeling a little better by this point, numb anyways, so when Jesse
sat on the arm of his chair he didn't mind all that much.
"Is it ok if I'm worried about you?" Jesse leaned into his side, practically
falling into Shaun's lap. Shaun bit his lip hard to keep from cringing, but
then Jesse slid his arm around Shaun's shoulders, his hand absently stroking
through his hair and Shaun gasped.
Suddenly frantic, the sullen boy looked around the room.
They were alone. Shaun didn't know how long they'd been the only ones in the
living room; he knew the guys had been watching the game just a little bit ago,
so they couldn't have gone far.
Sensing his unvoiced question, Jesse nodded towards the kitchen. "They're in
there." He said. "But I want—need to talk to you."
"You need to get off me." Shaun said, trying to sound firm and threatening, but
coming off as weak and helpless.
"Why are you being so mean to me?" Jesse whined, continuing with his hair
petting like he was Shaun's girlfriend or something. "I thought we were best
friends?"
"We are." Shaun hissed through gritted teeth.
"Then stop pushing me away!" Jesse hissed right back. "If you don't want to
talk about it… fine. But you need me—"
"Like a hole in my head." Shaun finished sarcastically. Or a hole in my
stomach, he thought darkly.
"Stop it." Jesse yanked Shaun's hair to get his point across and Shaun growled.
"Now stop mopping over here and come watch TV with us."
"I can watch it fine from here."
"Well, then I'll just have to sit here with you, won't I?" The little redhead
threatened, squirming slightly to drive home how very embarrassing their
current positions were.
"You're a fucking brat." Shaun scowled, but Jesse smiled brightly. He leapt up
and held out his hand. Shaun took it reluctantly.
His face contorted in pain as he got up. The edges of his stab wound pulled
this way and that and he groaned softly with pain.
Jesse missed it as the moment Shaun was upright he wrapped his arms around
Shaun's waist and nuzzled his face into his chest.
That hurt too, but Shaun took it stoically.
"Stop being so mean to your friends, Shaun." Jesse chided ineffectively, his
voice too breathy and soft to be very reprimanding. He squeezed his arms around
Shaun tightly once more before he released him and led him towards the couch.
Just as they sat down, Jesse uncomfortably close, nearly in his lap again, the
others came back into the room.
Ben came to sit on the other side of Jesse, smiling at the redhead
conspiratorially before he asked if Shaun was feeling better in a smug tone of
voice.
"Never better." Shaun growled, to which Jesse and Ben smiled amusedly.
Will on the other hand, started passing out joints, which he and Danny had
apparently been rolling up in kitchen. "Here, you fucking need it." He told
Shaun as he pressed the drugs onto the younger boy.
"Fuck you." Shaun muttered, but he couldn't have agreed more. Ben passed him a
lighter and Shaun toked up, feeling relieved.
The rest of the night was somewhat of a blur for Shaun. Once again, Will had
cut some stuff into the weed that made Shaun sick. This time he managed not to
throw up, but he somehow ended up with his head in Jesse's lap and had the
other boy smiling down at him in a really strung-out way for quite a while.
"Poor thing." He kept murmuring, stroking Shaun's hair and face, even his chest
and arms occasionally. Luckily, he didn't go below the waist because Shaun was
pretty sure he had a raging erection.
The game ended, heralded by the sound of Will and Danny cheering loudly and
obnoxiously. They promptly left to pick up some girls from the bar down the
street and for a while things were quiet and nice. Shaun was nearly lulled to
sleep listening to Jesse and Ben murmuring to each other over the sound of the
TV playing the usual after-game bullshit.
But then the guys had to come back, accompanied by a really slutty looking
girl. They took her into the back room and started fucking at the top of their
lungs.
Ben ducked out, making his excuses sometime after that and Jesse and Shaun were
left alone in the living room again.
When Will and Danny finally quieted down, Jesse rearranged Shaun on the couch,
letting him lay the full length. As Shaun stretched out, he wondered vaguely
where Jesse was going to sleep. But then he felt Jesse lying beside him,
pressing his entire front to Shaun's side as he tried to fit onto the last free
stretch of couch.
Jesse twined around him, his arms and legs keeping him pressed tightly to
Shaun's body.
"Sleep tight." Jesse whispered in Shaun's ear.
Shaun was too out of it to reply, as well as embarrassingly turned on,
confused, sore and uncomfortable, but he was sure he felt Jesse's lips on his
cheek, chastely kissing him goodnight.
***
Morning was long in coming, but come it did.
Shaun woke up with a very prominent urge to throw up. He opened his eyes,
surprised to find Jesse still clinging to him, even in his sleep. His face was
very close to Shaun's.
A wave of nausea overtook him.
Shaun tried to get up without waking Jesse, but the second he tasted bile his
initiative went from 'trying not to disturb' to 'trying not to throw up all
over the other boy'.
Jesse was knocked from the couch with a painful sounding thump. "Ow!" He
yelped, blinking his eyes open sleepily.
"Sorry…" Shaun murmured, running for the bathroom. He really should know better
by now than to take anything Will and Danny gave him.
Minutes later he emerged from the bathroom after having thrown up everything
he'd eaten the day before, which wasn't much. He hadn't felt up to checking the
wound on his stomach, but it throbbed horribly and he was anxious to get home.
"Are you ok?" Jesse asked the moment Shaun came back into the living room.
"Yeah." Shaun said sheepishly. "I want to get out of here before those assholes
get up." He explained, nodding towards the back room.
Jesse laughed. "Ok. Want me to drive?"
Shaun shrugged. He didn't really think he was up for the long drive back, but
he had no idea if Jesse could even be trusted behind the wheel. He was willing
to find out though.
"Sit down." Jesse said soothingly, coming forward to take Shaun's arm and make
him do just that. "I'll go pack your stuff up. I'll be right back." He smoothed
Shaun's frizzy hair down, smiling when it sprung right back up in a cloud of
disarray. "I'll be right back." He repeated, running off to do his self-
appointed tasks.
Shaun closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. His fucking head hurt. Hangovers,
open bleeding wounds, drug-induced nausea… he'd really done a number on
himself.
He listened to Jesse running to and fro, fetching his guitar and running it to
the car, then back again for the amp. Finally, he came for Shaun, helping him
up.
"C'mon." He urged, his arm just naturally slipping around Shaun's waist as he
leaned into the redhead's side for support. Jesse's voice grew exponentially
more cheerful. "It's a good thing I was here to help you." He said. "Where'd
you be without me, hmm?"
Shaun laughed at the irony of such a statement.
Without Jesse, Shaun probably would have been in much better shape, but he
didn't say that. He wasn't about to explain himself.
"What's so funny?" Jesse asked, helping Shaun into the car. Shaun pushed him
away the second he didn't need him anymore, shutting the door behind himself.
Jesse hurried around to the driver's side and got in.
"Nothing."
"But—"
"Jesse." Shaun said his friend's name warningly.
The little redhead frowned, but he started the car and pulled away from the
curb in silence.
They Kent the quiet as they drove. Shaun had to remind the other boy of the way
more than once, but other than that, they didn't talk. Jesse was a good driver
and Shaun allowed himself to zone out.
Jesse mentioned once or twice that he'd be fine if Shaun wanted to rest his
eyes. It was comfortable ride. It felt as if they knew each other extremely
well and they didn't need to bother with words anymore. But that was stupid. He
barely knew Jesse at all. They'd only been friends for a few weeks.
When they got back to Shaun's house, Jesse insisted on following him inside.
"I'm probably going to sleep some more." Shaun told his friend as the redhead
helped him up to the front porch.
"That's ok." Jesse said, fumbling to open the front door.
"You can't stay, Jess." Shaun reminded the other boy.
Shaun couldn't see Jesse, but he could tell he was pouting from the sound of
his voice.
"Why not? Are you seriously going to make me walk all the way home?"
They finally got inside, knocking clumsily into the kitchen table and into the
living room. Ruth was knitting in front of the TV, some stupid Lifetime Movie
blaring.
"Nice to see you got home in one piece." She grumbled when they came in,
dismissively going back to her work.
"You're not staying." He repeated as if Ruth hadn't spoken.
Jesse was silent as he led Shaun back into his room. Shaun decided to take the
silence for agreement, but as soon as the door closed behind them, Jesse
started complaining again.
"But we slept together last night." He pointed out, pushing Shaun towards the
bed. Shaun grimaced, sitting down gingerly.
"We didn't sleep together!" Shaun cried, horrified. Even though most of last
night was hazy, he remembered quite well the persistent erection he'd
maintained most of the night and the memory combined with Jesse's easy
admission of 'sleeping together' scared the fuck out of him.
"Well, we slept on the couch together." Jesse clarified. He knelt in front of
Shaun, casually untying and pulling his boots off. His expression was
determined and full of concern. He was acting like he undressed his close
friends all the time, like this was normal.
"What is it with you and sleeping with me?" Shaun groused when Jesse turned to
put his boots in his closet. Shaun watched him with narrowed eyes.
"You're the one who's always making a big deal about it." Jesse accused.
"What?! Me?!" Shaun glared at the little redhead. "I never even thought about
it until you brought it up!"
"Yeah, but you always make it out to be something bad. I've slept over at a lot
of guy's houses before." Jesse said primly making his way back to Shaun and
standing over him, his arms crossed in a stern pose.
"I'm sure you insisted on cuddling up to them too." Shaun grumbled, annoyed
that the thought of Jesse cuddling with anyone other than himself pissed him
off fiercely.
Jesse didn't answer. Instead, he gestured for Shaun to stand up. "You'll be
more comfortable if you get rid of the jeans." He said smartly, reaching for
Shaun's fly before the other boy had really registered his words.
"Wait…"
But Jesse was already undoing Shaun's jeans, brushing against his stomach as he
did so. Shaun forgot for a moment that he was being undressed like a child and
he sucked in a pained breath at Jesse's careless move.
"Huh?" Jesse paused, reaching up under Shaun's shirt to feel the mess of
bandages the back of his hand had brushed against. "Shaun, what's this?"
Feeling like it was inevitable, Shaun didn't even try to stop Jesse from
lifting his shirt up and exposing his stomach.
"Shaun!" Jesse gasped, his eyes jumping from Shaun's abdomen to stare headlong
into his dark eyes, his own wide with concern. "What happened!" Shaun didn't
answer, waiting for Jesse to figure it out himself. Jesse bent closer, peeling
the gauze back. It stuck to the surrounding skin forcing another gasp out of
the both of them.
"Oh my god…" Jesse moaned. "This needs… you need to go to the fucking
hospital!"
"It's fine." Shaun said calmly.
"It's infected!" Jesse cried. "You need stitches! How long have you had this?!"
"Since Friday." Shaun said neutrally.
Jesse groaned under his breath, his body shaking slightly as if he had been the
one to sustain injury. He gently dropped the edge of Shaun's shirt. "C'mon. Let
me get these off." He said, returning to the half-discarded jeans. "I can at
least clean it out for you. Maybe my Mom can—" But Jesse stopped short, finally
noticing all the other cuts on Shaun's legs, the partially healing wound that
Shaun had added to his thigh a few weeks ago, old scars right above his knee,
climbing his leg like a neat little ladder. There were bigger slashes here and
there and quite a few more were still hidden under his boxers, but Jesse looked
horrified enough without seeing everything.
"When you hurt your arm the other day… was it really from hunting?" He asked
quietly, his voice shaking.
That hadn't been the question Shaun was waiting for. He found himself answering
honestly. "No."
"Did you do it… yourself?"
"I wanted to. It wasn't an accident." Shaun said defensively.
"You did all this?" Jesse asked for clarification, still staring down at the
mess of scars.
"Didn't I already say that?" Shaun snapped.
"Y—you're hurting yourself! Cutting yourself?!" Jesse straightened up finally
and feeling very uncomfortable having this conversation with his pants around
his ankles, Shaun bent slightly to pull them back up, wincing as he buttoned
them again.
"Yes, alright!"
"You did this?!" Jesse grabbed Shaun's arm over the still healing wound on his
forearm.
"Yes!"
"And this?!" Jesse poked Shaun's leg, indicating the whole mess below Shaun's
waist.
"Yes!"
"And you did this. You stabbed yourself in the stomach?!" Jesse pulled on
Shaun's shirt, his eyes full of anger, disbelief and even betrayal.
Shaun nodded, glaring at the other boy. "So what if I did?"
Jesse stared up at Shaun for a long, breathless moment. Finally, he punched
Shaun in the chest.
"You asshole!" Jesse cried, literally cried. His eyes filled with tears, a few
escaping and rolling beautifully down his cheeks. He hit Shaun again, not as
hard – though the first had barely hurt – and again. "Are you trying to kill
yourself?!"
"Jesse—"
"No! You tell me right now! I'm your friend, Shaun! You owe me an explanation
at least!" Jesse demanded. "Tell me why you'd do this to yourself!"
"I don't owe you anything!" Shaun yelled and Jesse gasped out another sob, the
tears really falling now, completely unhindered.
"You can't do this! You promised we'd stick together!" He cried, quickly
becoming hysterical. "You can't kill yourself!"
"I never said I was going to!" Shaun couldn't stop staring at Jesse's face. He
looked so deeply hurt. He'd never imagined Jesse ever looking like this, so
helpless and upset, pained. It was beautiful.
"Well, then why are you doing this?! You could have hurt yourself so much more!
You could have died!" He whimpered. "Oh god… oh Shaun… oh—"
Jesse was so perfect in his anguish so… so gorgeous. Shaun literally could not
help himself.
He grabbed Jesse by the front of his shirt, pulling him up until the other boy
was swaying, stuck on the tips of his toes.
"Shut up." He growled before he lunged forward and smashed their lips together.
Jesse's mouth was open and wet and Shaun thrust his tongue inside, moaning into
the kiss.
Jesse's mouth tasted like stale smoke and old beer, but that made everything so
fucking real.
This is really happening.
Shaun's free hand went up to shift through Jesse's auburn locks, using his
handhold to deepen the kiss. The other boy was limp and unresponsive in Shaun's
arms and Shaun refused to open his eyes, afraid of what he might see.
He licked Jesse's teeth, his tongue running over Jesse's, sucking the spit out
of his mouth. It was a horrible kiss, and it turned Shaun on something fierce.
Feeling frustrated, horny, and not knowing what to do about it, Shaun bit
Jesse's unmoving lips.
Suddenly feeling lightheaded and dizzy, Shaun pulled back gasping for air. His
eyes opened.
All at once, Shaun released Jesse.
The redhead was unsteady on his feet and he stumbled backwards before he caught
himself. His face was smeared with spit and the faintest tinge of blood stained
his lower lip. His eyes were huge.
There was a single moment of silence as the two boys stared at one another. One
moment for Shaun's fear of rejection to bubble up inside him, strangling him,
making him choke as a thousand different thoughts rushed past him, adding to
his confusion and dread.
And then Jesse's face twisted up, his mouth – that fucking mouth! – opened and
all of Shaun's confusion coalesced into a single thought.
"Get out." Shaun said, turning away before Jesse could voice whatever he'd been
going to say. Jesse deserved to hate him for what he'd just done – kissing
him…practically raping his mouth for fuck's sake! – but he didn't want to hear
it. He just wanted to be alone, alone with his humiliating thoughts and his
shameful erection…
How could he have fucked up so bad? It was one thing to lust after a boy… after
a boy who had tried to be his friend no less! But he couldn't believe he'd
actually acted on it! He hadn't been completely honest when he'd told Jesse he
wasn't interested in killing himself. He was seriously considering it now. Just
a quick, clean cut along his jugular vein and he could bleed out, staining his
freshly changed sheets a nice dark red.
"Shaun—"
"I SAID GET OUT!" Shaun turned on Jesse, snarling.
Jesse's face was completely drained of color, the disgust he felt was clear as
day, and any minute now he'd start to laugh. He'd tell Shaun how much he hated
him, how horrible it had been to have Shaun's erection pressing into his
stomach, how completely revolting it had been to have Shaun's tongue in his
mouth, licking his tonsils. He couldn't listen to it. He'd have to kill someone
if he did.
Jesse must have saw something in his eyes that conveyed this very fact, as
Jesse hightailed it out of Shaun's bedroom.
Shaun listened for the slam of the front door before he allowed himself to sink
onto his bed.
Oh, god. He'd be a laughing stalk by Monday. Jesse would go to his girlfriend
and her brother and tell them all about what a sick freak Shaun was. Everyone
would know and he'd be worse than a pariah.
He'd spent most of his life being feared and avoided, but now…
And Jesse… he'd lost that boy forever. The best friend he'd ever had was now
gone because he hadn't been able to control himself and his disgusting desires.
What had he done?
"Shaun? I saw your little friend run out of the house like someone had lit a
fire under his ass. What's going on?"
Shaun's head snapped up. His face had been buried in his hands and if he could
have cried, he probably would have, but his eyes were dry, hard, angry; mostly
with himself, but also with the world in general.
Eli stood in the doorway, looking like he was settling in for a long
conversation.
Shaun grunted.
"How about we have that talk now?"
"Whatever." Shaun had wanted to be alone, but with the direction his thoughts
were heading he wasn't sure it'd be a good idea.
The knife in his bedside drawer kept calling to him and as much as he longed
for the feel the blade against his flesh brought him, he felt too ashamed to
touch it.
"Why don't you start by telling me what's going on?" Eli walked into the room,
sitting gingerly next to Shaun on the bed. "Why the long face?"
"I kissed him." Shaun blurted, returning his face to his hands. If he could
talk to anyone about this, it'd be Eli. Ruth wasn't one for heart to hearts,
she was more like Shaun in that regard, plus he had a feeling she'd react
unfavorably. Eli however immediately put his arm around Shaun's shoulders.
"And he ran out?"
"He hates me now." Shaun said into his hands. "I could see it in his eyes."
Eli's subsequent silence twisted Shaun's nerves into a ball of tension.
"Son, I find that hard to believe."
Shaun raised his head, peeking out from between his fingers. "What?"
"Well, I've only seen the two of you together a few times; you're both so
reclusive. I honestly thought you were already an item."
"An item?!" Shaun hissed in displeasure.
"I walked in on you boys snuggling on the couch." Eli deadpanned. "I took
Ruthie out to dinner because I thought you'd want time alone."
"Oh god…" Shaun moaned, humiliated. "It wasn't like that at all. He just—"
"What? Was laying on you because he's horrified at the thought of touching
you?"
Put that way, it did seem kind of stupid
Jesse had been awfully clingy lately. But that was just because…well…Jesse
hadn't really explained why. Shaun had just gone along with it because secretly
he was pervert. Or maybe not so secretly.
"Did he actually say he hated you?"
"When I…" Shaun trailed off, his face flushed with embarrassment, "He didn't
kiss me back."
"Well, he was startled."
"Horrified, more like."
Eli sighed. "Did you even let the poor boy get a word in edgewise?"
"No. I know what he was going to say." Shaun grunted.
"Why don't you just—"
"Grandpa?" Eli paused, gazing at Shaun questioningly. "Can we just stop talking
about it?"
Eli looked like he was going to say something, but changed his mind and nodded.
"If you want."
"Can you do me a favor?" Shyly, Shaun lifted the hem of his t-shirt, exposing
his belly. "Can you do anything about this?"
Eli looked resignedly at Shaun's self-inflicted wound. "Oh, Shaun. When are you
going to stop doing this to yourself?" But he stood up anyway, gesturing for
Shaun to follow him.
The older man wasn't a nurse, but he did know a fair bit about first aid. Shaun
was in for a few painful minutes of treatment and afterwards he was sent to
rest in bed. Ruth delivered food around noon and Eli came in every hour or so
to check in on his vulnerable grandson.
Shaun hadn't felt so weak in a long time, but he let himself be babied anyway.
Sometimes it felt good to be cared for, and Shaun knew that that feeling was
going to have to tide him over for the next few months, until he could get the
hell out of town, anyway.
No matter what Eli had told him, Shaun was convinced that his life was about to
change for the worse.
Chapter End Notes
     BTW, there's some 25 chapters in this story. It is finished but I'll
     add them a couple at a time. Nope, they're not all up atm and NOPE!
     That doesn't mean they're not done, cuz they are :-)
     Thanks!!!!
***** Chapter 7 *****
Chapter Seven
Jesse ran home as fast as his legs would carry him. He didn't let himself stop,
because if he did he'd think about what had just happened and he couldn't
afford to do that just now.
"Jesse?" Monica called from the kitchen when Jesse bounded in the front door.
The twins were on the couch watching TV and they turned around to watch him
sprint up the stairs.
Sam was in their room, lying on his bed texting. He looked up when Jesse
crashed into the room.
"Get out!" Jesse yelled, reminded of Shaun doing the same to him just minutes
ago. Obviously, Jesse wasn't nearly as intimidating as Shaun was, because Sam
sneered at him.
"Fuck you."
Jesse stamped his foot, feeling desperate. "Leave!" he felt like he was seconds
away from a huge break down and the last thing he needed was for Sam to be a
witness to it.
"No." Sam taunted.
Enraged, Jesse marched across the room and grabbed his brother's cell phone.
Sam yelped uselessly as Jesse marched right back to the door.
"I'll throw it down the stairs if you aren't out of here in 10 seconds…One,
two, three—"
"Alright!" Sam got up, rushing to the door even though Jesse had stopped
counting. "I'm going, jerk."
"Asshole." Jesse shot back heatedly, waiting for Sam to leave before he slammed
the door shut behind him.
Finally, he was alone.
Jesse had been expecting some explosive sort of reaction, but was surprised
when he felt nothing but extreme fatigue. Tiredly, he crawled up into his bunk
and wrapped all his blankets around his body.
Shaun had kissed him.
Jesse shivered, even under all the blankets. He didn't know what to think about
it.
He'd certainly kissed girls who were much more experienced than Shaun. Girls
who knew how to give a guy an erection with a kiss alone, but Shaun…
Jesse's hand rose to cover his mouth. His fingers traced his lips slowly and
rubbed the soft skin.
The feeling of the other boy's lips on his had been startling to say the least.
Strange, unexpected, but not bad. Jesse hadn't been able to react, Shaun had
been kissing him so intensely, desperately, it was like nothing he'd ever felt
before.
Jesse had been incredibly clingy after hearing Shaun's story. He knew he was.
It wasn't like he'd been oblivious, like he'd pretended to be. It was just that
he couldn't help it.
The little redhead had just been so scared, so afraid of all the things Shaun
had told him that he'd physically been unable to stop himself from touching
Shaun at every opportunity. And Shaun was so warm and solid under his fingers,
the feel of his taller, sturdier body against Jesse's own smaller one was so
reassuring.
Shaun was here. He was safe. Everything was alright.
And now that they'd kissed, everything had changed.
All those times they'd touched each other, held hands, leaned against one
other, slept next to each other… it all made sense now.
Jesse was unequivocally, painfully, stupidly in love with a boy he'd only known
for a few weeks. A boy nobody liked, one who'd seen horrible things, who'd
possibly done horrible things…
But Jesse wanted him. He needed him in a way he'd never needed anyone before.
Just one kiss had been enough.
And Jesse wanted that feeling back. Desperately.
So, why hadn't he said anything? Why had he just stood there with his mouth
hanging open? Why hadn't he kissed him back?
And he'd been crying?
Jesse buried his face in his pillow, embarrassed. Jesse didn't cry. He couldn't
remember the last time he'd cried. But he had.
Seriously, that alone had to be the hugest indicator that Jesse didn't have
normal 'best friend' feelings towards the other boy. Just the thought of him
being in pain, was enough to make Jesse cry like a baby.
But Shaun possibly hated him now.
Jesse wished he'd stayed. If anything, he could have made sure Shaun got
himself looked at.
"Stupid idiot. Cutting yourself doesn't do any good." He muttered.
Regardless of Shaun's stupidity, Jesse couldn't wait to see his friend…or
whatever he was after everything…tomorrow. He wasn't sure what he'd say to him,
what he'd do, but he just knew he had to be near him, to touch him, maybe to
kiss him again.
That brought a smile to Jesse's lips and he traced his mouth again, remembering
the harsh way the other boy had claimed it.
Somehow, everything would work out.
"Jesse?" Brian poked his head into the bedroom, looking up at him with huge
eyes.
"What's up, little man?" Jesse asked. He hadn't really wanted company, but he
found he couldn't turn the little boy away.
"Can I come up?"
Jesse nodded, watching the little blond clamber up the ladder and crawl across
the bed.
"Is Shaun coming over?"
"Not today." Jesse said, blushing slightly as he remembered inviting Shaun to
sleep in his bed Friday night. How had he not realized what he'd been doing?
And the whole plot of trying to get Shaun completely messed up Saturday night
so he'd be more susceptible to whatever Jesse wanted to do to him now seemed
incredibly obvious. He'd told Ben that he'd just been trying to get Shaun to
talk to him, and he had been, but he'd also done it because he'd wanted to be
close to him and the only way he'd known to do that was to get him completely
wasted.
Now Shaun was mad at him because he hadn't kissed back? Didn't he know how
painfully obsessed Jesse was with him?
"Mommy said you were sleeping with Shaun." Brian said, curling into Jesse's
side. Jesse's eyes widened at the toddler's choice of words but as Brian went
on he realized it was just that, a bad choice of words. "How come you don't
have sleepovers here?"
"Well, we went to a party." Jesse told the boy, stroking his silky hair.
"I like parties." Brian said just to be argumentative.
"It was a grownup party." Jesse explained, smiling at his own explanation. The
way he'd ended up wrapped around Shaun had been terribly 'grown up'. He'd
realized right away that Shaun was sporting an erection, but he'd assumed it
had been because the other boy was drunk and horny, he hadn't once thought it
was because of him.
"You're not a grownup." Brian pouted.
Jesse continued to stroke Brian's hair. "I will be," He said wistfully.
 "Pretty soon."
Brian grumbled something under his breath, but Jesse let it slide.
"Want to play a game or something?"
That certainly cheered the little boy up and it made Jesse feel better too.
Well, he got to take his mind off of Shaun for a while anyway. He'd give the
other boy a while to calm down and then he'd confront him tomorrow. He wasn't
really sure what Shaun was feeling, but if the kiss was anything to go by, he'd
say Shaun had feelings for him. Feelings similar to his own.
Of course, there was only one way to find out.
***
The next morning dawned bright and sunny and everyone seemed to be in a good
mood despite it being a Monday. Even Sam couldn't muster up the energy to do
more than glare at him.
Jesse took this as a good sign.
The bus was a full three minutes late and Jesse had never been so anxious for
it to arrive in his life. He still hadn't figured out what to say and he knew
better than to compose an entire speech. Shaun always threw him off course. He
was just like that.
Finally, the bus arrived and he and Sam got on, the first ones as always.
Taking a deep breath, Jesse went to the back and sat in his usual spot.
He felt unaccountable nervous as he watched Shaun's house came into view. He
was a little surprised when the bus stopped and the other boy got on. He
wouldn't have put it past Shaun to avoid him, but he was here, stalking down
the aisle towards Jesse, looking aggressive. Jesse had only a few seconds to
admire the other boy before Shaun stopped in front of him.
"What the fuck do you want?"
"To talk—"
"I don't want to talk."
Shaun and Jesse stared at one another, Jesse's wide-eyed look of confusion no
match for Shaun spectacular glowering.
"But—"
Shaun's hand lashed out, lightning fast. It attached to Jesse's wrist, yanking
the redhead's arm painfully.
"I don't want you anywhere near me." He hissed as he pulled Jesse from the
seat. He stumbled out into the aisle, his front pressed up against Shaun's. It
was almost intimate, but the mean look in Shaun's eyes was anything but. "Go
and sit with your friends, and tell them all about what a fucking fag I am, I
don't care."
"Listen—"
"I don't care!" Shaun pushed Jesse hard, almost knocking the smaller boy to the
floor. The bus driver yelled at them to sit down, but Jesse barely heard. He
was staring up at Shaun, incredibly pained. He hadn't expected this to be easy,
but he definitely hadn't envisioned Shaun pushing him away again. Jesse knew
Shaun was embarrassed that they'd kissed, that he'd showed so much emotion,
more emotion than Jesse had ever seen from him, but Shaun wouldn't even listen
to him! And what was this about telling his friends? Jesse had barely even
spoken to the other guys for days now. He'd been completely ignoring Emily, to
the point where he'd received a few thinly veiled threats from Kenny throughout
the week, which he had, in turn, ignored.
"Shaun—"
Shaun towered over Jesse, his expression unrelenting and full of hate.
"Get the fuck away from me." He sneered.
The bus stopped at the next house and the bus driver turned around to yell at
them again. Jesse had no idea what to do faced with Shaun's scornful anger. He
trembled a little.
I'll try later. When we're alone, he thought, desperately grasping at straws.
He backed away from Shaun, watching him carefully, afraid to turn his back on
him.
He slumped into a seat near the front, looking sadly over the bus seat and
towards the back, but Shaun wasn't watching him anymore.
"Aww, did you have a fight with your boyfriend?" Sam snickered from two seats
back. Jesse hunkered down in his seat and ignored him.
Surprisingly, Jesse was left unbothered the whole ride to school. Jesse had his
face pressed against the window, staring out at the scenery and trying not to
cry, so he didn't see who else got on. He'd expected Emily to bother him
though, perhaps even Kenny, but they didn't.
All in all, it was a very lonely and depressing day. Shaun didn't show up to
chemistry nor to history or lunch and Jesse sat alone, rejected.
He'd finally realized that Kenny, Emily and their crew were shunning him… so
there was that.
Jesse didn't care, he was too overwhelmed with thoughts of Shaun, but he kept
getting distracted by vicious looks from the people he'd been getting to know
over the last few weeks. Emily never looked at him directly, but her eyes
seemed quite teary. Jesse wondered what that was all about.
Shaun didn't show up for gym either, which was just as well. Today, the gym
class played another round of touch football and Jesse's playing was absolute
shit. He was distracted with thoughts of Shaun, and almost as if they could
sense what he was mulling over, Kenny and Eric continued to send dirty looks
his way, as they had all through lunch.
Nevertheless, after school was out Jesse walked to Shaun's house. He had to
make things right. He had to explain that he didn't hate Shaun for the kiss and
that he liked him and that he wasn't going to tell anyone; that he hadn't told
anyone…
He leapt up on the porch, eager to get this over with so both he and Shaun
could get back to where they were supposed to be after their first kiss. Jesse
wasn't sure exactly where that was, especially with someone as obstinate as
Shaun, but he figured they could muddle through it together.
"Hi." Jesse greeted Shaun's grandma when she opened the door. "Is Shaun here?"
She gave him a piercing look. "He's sick."
"He was at school today. He was perfectly fine!" Jesse said, giving the older
woman an exasperated look. He was aware that he was being incredibly rude, but
didn't feel that great of an urge to be respectful when she was always so short
with him.
"Listen," Ruth said after a significant pause, her hand migrating to her hip.
"Shaun told me he didn't want to be bothered. Why don't you go on home and I'll
tell him you came by?"
"No." Jesse sighed, already turning away. "Don't tell him I was here."
Tomorrow, Jesse promised himself. He'd see Shaun tomorrow and this time he
wouldn't be intimidated by him, no matter what. He'd force the issue if he had
to. He'd corner him and make him talk. It was the most concrete plan Jesse was
able to come up with so he refocused all his energy towards that, thinking up
all these clever ways he'd make Shaun listen to him.
He imagined throwing himself at Shaun's feet, begging him to listen. Or if that
didn't work, throwing himself into Shaun's arms and finally returning that
desperate kiss.
That thought made him feel tingly and flushed.
But, much to Jesse dismay, Shaun didn't show up to school at all the next day!
Without having Shaun in his presence, Jesse was really starting to notice how
much of a loner he had become. The others, namely Kenny, didn't seem to want
anything to do with him any longer.  Jesse noticed Jordan glaring at him in
math and he caught Sara frowning at him in Chemistry. After history, he watched
as Emily all but ran out of the room, obviously hoping to avoid even bumping
into him in the hallway. In English, she stared straight ahead, careful not to
make eye contact.
This might have bothered Jesse more if he hadn't been so concerned with Shaun.
As it was, he was merely irritated by his peers' childish behavior. They were
all being so ridiculously immature.
Whatever. It wasn't like he cared.
After another disappointing day at school, Jesse went to his locker to put his
stuff away before getting on the bus. He was considering going to Shaun's house
again and badgering Ruth until he got some goddamned information!
He was silently scowling at his math book as he contemplated his measly options
when someone put a hand on the locker next to his, leaning against it casually.
Jesse turned to see a well-dressed blond standing beside him. Kyle.
"Hi."
"Uh…" Jesse wasn't supposed to be talking to Kyle, but he forcefully stopped
that line of thought as soon as it popped into his head. Shaun told him not to
talk to Kyle, but he wasn't around anymore. Jesse nearly smiled when he
realized that Shaun must have wanted to keep Jesse away from Kyle because he
was jealous. That'd also explain his extremely hostile attitude towards Emily.
"Hello." He greeted, trying to smooth over his awkwardness by returning Kyle's
friendly smile.
"I've been wanting to come and talk to you again, but Shaun's awfully
possessive of you. I was afraid of pissing him off." Kyle said jokingly, but
Jesse knew it to be true.
"It's ok. You can talk to me if you want." Jesse said, wondering what the other
boy had been wanting to talk about. It wasn't like they'd had much to talk
about the first time they'd met.
Kyle stared at Jesse with strangely pale eyes, studying him intently. Jesse
slowly shut his locker, wondering where this conversation was going.
"So, where's Shaun?" Kyle asked slowly.
"He's sick." Jesse said, repeating Ruth's excuse.
Kyle raised an eyebrow. "Is he now? He came by last night looking to buy." He
said lightly. "He seemed fine to me."
"You saw him?" Jesse couldn't keep the longing out of his voice and he promptly
blushed, looking away. He missed Kyle's calculating look.
"I did."
"Did…" Jesse glanced up from under his lashes, unconsciously coy. "Did he say
anything?"
"Only that he hated you and that he didn't want to hear your name ever again."
Jesse faltered. "Are you joking?!"
"Why would I joke about that?" Kyle smiled unhelpfully. "He wouldn't say what'd
you done to him, but whatever it was, I haven't seen him this upset in a
while."
Jesse blanched, recalling how upset Shaun had been the other day. He'd
practically bit Jesse's head off.
"I promised not to ask," Kyle continued, lowering his voice seductively. "But
you simply have to tell me what you did. Why's Shaun so upset?"
Jesse's eyes widened. "I—" Shit! What was he supposed to say here?! There was
no way he was telling the truth. He wasn't even sure what the truth was.
"I don't know." He said finally, quickly. It was dreadfully obviously that he
was lying and he quickly looked away to hide his wince at how stupid he
sounded.
Luckily, Kyle didn't call him out on it and he shrugged. "You know Shaun. He's
always pissed off about something. He'll probably be over it in a few days."
"I don't know." Jesse said, unsure. That's what he wanted of course. He wanted
Shaun to show up at his house after school, bringing his abrasive personality
and his dark sense of humor. He missed watching movies with him, smoking weed
with him, and practicing guitar. The fact that Jesse missed curling up with him
in bed, lying with his feet in Shaun's lap, and those indulgent moments when he
let Jesse hug him or hold his hand, was rather telling.
This was just really strange. He'd never been attracted to a boy before in his
life, and while he still liked girls, it was just that he liked Shaun better.
Jesse felt a horrible twisting sensation in his gut, similar to what he thought
Shaun must have felt when he'd stabbed himself. God, how Jesse longed to have
his stupid, idiotic, amazingly imperfect best friend back so he could grab him
and kiss him like he'd never kissed anyone before. Then maybe he'd smack him
for worrying him so much.
"Jesse?"
"Hmm?" Jesse was jerked back to the present, realizing Kyle had been speaking
to him for some time already. He bit his lip, giving the taller boy a sheepish
look. "Sorry, what did you say?"
Kyle arched an eyebrow, looking strangely superior. "Never mind, but I do think
you missed your bus."
Jesse whirled around, noting the empty hallway with dismay. "Oh." He'd been
standing here, 'talking' to Kyle and daydreaming about Shaun and now he'd gone
and missed his ride home! Well, he'd have to walk back. Not that he really
minded. At least he'd get to stop off at Shaun's house for another, likely ill-
fated, visit.
"Want a ride?"
Jesse hadn't even thought about that option. Shrugging, he easily accepted.
Kyle drove an old Cadillac. It sat out in the student parking lot all alone now
that everybody else had gone home. Jesse had to wait for Kyle to get in and
reach over to the passenger side to open the door.
Jesse slid into the front seat a little stiffly, not really sure why he'd
accepted a ride from someone he barely knew.
But Shaun knows him, Jesse reassured himself, which only made him feel better
until he remembered Shaun explicitly, more than once, telling Jesse to stay
away from him.
But Kyle didn't do anything terrible, though he did talk a whole lot. So much
in fact that Jesse automatically tuned him out. He talked a lot like a girl,
bringing things up rapid fire, and never really connecting any of his topics to
each other.
After a few minutes though, the conversation inevitably turned to something
Jesse was genuinely interested in. Shaun.
"He's always been like this. Stubborn." Kyle said, smiling fondly. "We were
friends, you know. Back in middle school. So, I know what you're going
through."
"Really?" That certainly caught Jesse up!
"Hmm? Oh, Shaun didn't tell you? We were inseparable in our younger years."
Jesse stared at Kyle in amazement. He hadn't seen this coming. Shaun and
Kyle…friends? The way Shaun talked about Kyle, Jesse would have guessed Kyle
had done something horrible to him. Did Shaun warn everyone away from his ex-
friends?
"Shaun didn't tell you anything about this?" Kyle asked again, seemingly deeply
surprised by Jesse's ignorance. "It seems like something you'd tell your new…
best friend." The way he paused before the 'best friend' comment made Jesse
incredibly uncomfortable. Narrowing his eyes slightly, he shook his head.
"No, he didn't really tell me anything about you." Jesse paused, debating
whether or not to continue. Well, in for a penny, "He did tell me to stay away
from you…."
"Hmm." Kyle clenched the steering wheel in a death grip, but he didn't let any
sort of strain show on his face. Jesse frowned at the other boy's strange
antics. "Shaun's awfully possessive." He repeated, sounding a little flustered.
"I guess he's afraid, me being like I am, that I'll steal you away from him."
Jesse blushed. "What? No. He doesn't think that. And it doesn't have anything
to do with you being…" Gay, Jesse finished in his head. Kyle glanced over at
him quickly.
"I see he's told you my secret." Kyle said blandly. "I thought he didn't tell
you anything?"
Jesse shrugged, unable to meet Kyle's piercing eyes.
"How much did he tell you about me?"
Cheeks flushing red, Jesse made sure to look anywhere but at Kyle as he
answered. "Just that you're gay." He mumbled.
"Is that all?" Kyle scoffed.
Jesse finally looked up. "I won't tell anyone!" He blurted immediately, amazed
at how stupid he was sometimes. He wished he'd just kept his mouth shut.
Kyle's mouth turned down at the corners. "He won't tell me anything, but yet he
tells you all my secrets."
"Oh." Jesse was barely able to keep the smile off his face. That's because
Shaun likes me, he wanted to say, but refrained. They were at Jesse's house
anyway. Kyle parked his car in the driveway and cut the engine. Jesse had
thought he'd just jump out, thank the other boy and run inside, but Kyle turned
to face him fully. Jesse and Kyle stared at each other.
"Are you sleeping with him?"
"With Shaun?!" Jesse cried, shocked by Kyle's audacity. "No! Of course not!"
Despite the kiss on Sunday, he hadn't really thought about sex. Actual gay sex.
He knew a little about it of course, as most sexually active boys did, but he'd
never wanted it. Having something inside him…having Shaun inside him…was a
scary thought. Accordingly, Jesse's face drained off all color.
Kyle laughed heartily. "When I heard things went sour with Emily, I just
assumed—"
"That I was fucking Shaun?!" Kyle snorted, making it obvious that that's
exactly what he'd been thinking. "No! I'm not even gay!"
"Honey, you're preaching to the choir." Kyle laughed.
"What?" Jesse asked stupidly. He felt frustrated and didn't want Kyle to think
he and Shaun were sleeping together – even though they had, though not really!
He was also embarrassed, though not of Shaun. No, he didn't think he'd ever be
embarrassed of his surly best friend, but that didn't mean he wanted everyone
to know they'd kissed!
Besides, Shaun would hunt him down and kill him if word got out.
Of course, that option might be better than the torturous waiting Jesse had to
put up with until Shaun came to his fucking senses.
"Don't worry about it." Kyle said, all smiles and friendliness again.
Jesse wanted to ask what it was Kyle thought he was worrying about. Had Jesse
inadvertently confessed to being gay and in a sexual relationship with Shaun?
Shaking his head, Jesse started to get out of the car, but before he could Kyle
stopped him with a hand on his arm.
"You want to buy?"
"Oh, shit yeah." Jesse had forgotten for a moment that Kyle was Shaun's
supplier. "I don't have any money on me. Uh…wanna come in?"
"Sure."
Kyle followed him inside, looking around curiously. Not surprisingly, Sam was
standing in the middle of the living room, probably trying to hide the fact
that he'd been peeking out the window at them just seconds before.
"Hello." Kyle said with a sunny smile, holding out a hand. Sam took it
cautiously, glancing briefly at Jesse's disapproving frown.
"Who's this?" Sam asked before Kyle could give his name.
"A friend from school." Jesse said neutrally. "Kyle, this is my little brother
Sam."
"Pleasure to meet you, Sam." The younger boy seemed somewhat smug at the formal
greeting, sending Jesse another loaded glance.
"I'll…be right back." Jesse said, glad for the distraction. He didn't really
want Kyle up in his bedroom. Luckily, Kyle seemed content to stay with Sam.
It took a few minutes to rustle up his stash, Jesse had hidden it from Sam and
then had forgotten where he'd put it. After checking a few plausible places, he
found it on the top shelf in the closet. Someone had pushed a lot of boxes up
here since they'd moved in and now it was a pain to reach. He took the whole
lot of it down so he could re-hide it later.
He didn't know how much Kyle was charging, since Shaun was so secretive about
everything, but he figured a twenty would do the trick.
When Jesse came downstairs again, he walked into an extremely awkward silence.
Kyle looked his normal self, smiling pleasantly but Sam jumped, guiltily
looking at Jesse, giving the redhead the impression they'd just been talking
about him.
"Um…" Jesse came forward, under the scrutiny of his brother and his new dealer.
"You want to do this outside?"
"I've got some on me." Kyle said, waving a hand to dismiss Jesse's suggestion.
He pulled out a dirty looking plastic bag filled with little clumps of weed.
Jesse had wanted to keep Sam in the dark about this little transaction, but now
that seemed a rather moot point. "What kind of business would I be running if I
didn't have any merch?"
"Yeah." Jesse shrugged uncomfortably, glancing at his brother. Sam was now
looking appraisingly at Kyle, just as Jesse had feared he would. "How much?"
Jesse asked, wanting to get Kyle out of the house and away from Sam as fast as
possible.
"For you…?" Kyle looked him up and down, furthering Jesse's discomfort. "60
bucks." He said finally.
Jesse's eyes widened. "Really? That much?" He'd have to go back up to his room!
"I usually charge more for this stuff." Kyle said cheerfully, holding the
baggie up to the light. "My brother cut some good shit in this mix. It's worth
it, trust me."
Wondering what Kyle deemed 'good shit', Jesse bit his lip.
"I promise, I sold some to Shaun last night. If you boys were talking, he'd
tell you to go for it."
Mentioning Shaun's name was a cheap shot. One that unfortunately worked.
"I've got to go get more money. I'll be right back." He cast a dark look at
Sam, who wasn't even paying attention to him anymore, before he hurried back up
the stairs. He couldn't move fast enough as he pulled out his last 20, a 10 and
two 5's. He was nearly broke now. So much for saving.
"Here." With next to no finesse, Jesse shoved the money into Kyle's hand. He
blushed when the taller boy's eyebrow raised again, looking curiously high and
mighty. "Thanks for the ride, and for…" Was there anything else to be thanking
him for? He'd only made Jesse feel worse about Shaun and now he was probably
going to be badgered to death with Sam wanting to smoke with him. But he wasn't
going to let his sentence hang on forever like that, so he quickly thanked Kyle
for the 'conversation'.
"Yes, it was interesting, wasn't it?" Kyle bared his teeth in what was probably
supposed to be a smile, but it turned out looking feral. "I'll see you at
school, Jesse." He said, nodding his head at the redhead in a parody of
politeness. "And maybe we'll meet again, Sam." He nodded at the middle-schooler
as well, receiving a nod in return. "Goodbye, then."
"I don't want you talking to him." Jesse said as soon as the front door closed
behind Kyle, missing the irony of such a command.
"Fuck you. I can talk to who I want." Sam said, suddenly rude and rebellious
again.
"I'll tell mom." Jesse warned.
"I'll tell mom." Sam sneered. "All I have to do is tell her you just spent 60
dollars on drugs and you'll be completely done. She's sick of you anyway. All
you do is sit up in your room moping or running off with that weirdo creep
friend of yours." Sam gave him the finger. "So, go fuck off and die already."
Jesse was sorely tempted to hit Sam upside the head, but he reigned himself in.
Sam was right after all. Monica hadn't directly said anything, but she'd been
rather irritated with him lately.
Last night, for example, he'd decided to call Monica at work before she could
pick up Brian and Lissa, asking her to bring home fast food because he didn't
want to cook.
"You're really not making my life any easier, Jesse." Monica had said before
hanging up.
So, Jesse let Sam go.
He was busy anyway. He had to figure out how he was going to smoke his weed
without any papers, a pipe or a bong! He'd heard it was possible to make a pipe
out of a Coke can though, so he went for the refrigerator.
Somehow, Jesse made it through the rest of the day without much incident. He'd
managed to get a decent buzz off his poorly made Coke pipe and had muddled
through the evening. Brian was asking after Shaun again, becoming somewhat
indignant when Jesse couldn't tell him exactly where Shaun was and why he
hadn't come over to visit in days. Jesse was too depressed to make anything up.
Jesse wasn't surprised when Shaun didn't show up for school again Wednesday.
He'd promised himself not to get upset, but he was anyway.
Later in lunch, as he sat at Shaun's empty table angrily picking at his bland
school lunch, Kyle joined him.
"No sign of Shaun?" He asked casually, sitting down beside Jesse.
"No." The redhead spat, glaring at his food. "He's avoiding me!"
"I thought he was sick."
Jesse looked up for that, sighing. He almost wanted to tell Kyle. Shit! Why
didn't he tell him? If Kyle had been friends with Shaun and if Kyle was gay… he
seemed like the perfect candidate for a deep and slightly embarrassing talk
concerning emerging homosexual feelings.
"You look just awful, honey." Kyle said sweetly, putting a little pout on his
face to match Jesse's. "Why don't we just slip outside for a talk?"
Jesse took a deep breath, pushing his tray away from. "Ok." He said.
"Afternoon, Margie." Kyle smiled pleasantly at the lunch room monitor as they
approached the door to the hall. She smiled back and Kyle easily led the way
out of the room and towards the gym.
"Where are we going?" Jesse asked.
"Nowhere really. We just need some privacy…" Kyle pushed open the double metal
doors that led out to the football field. "Here we go." There wasn't anyone out
here, just as Kyle had been hoping for. Kyle strode towards the bleachers and
Jesse followed along meekly.
Kyle insisted on climbing to the top and even though Jesse would rather have
stayed near the bottom he climbed up after the other boy, sitting a level lower
than Kyle and leaning against the last row. Kyle used the railing as a
backrest, reaching back into his jeans pocket and pulling out a flask.
"Want some? To calm you down?" Jesse had never seen anyone carry a flask around
in his life, much less a high school student. He watched Kyle drink out of the
round little hip flask and accepted it hesitantly when it was passed to him.
"You're full of surprises." He commented dryly, taking a drink. It tasted like
vodka. Straight.
"Indeed, I am." Kyle said, sounding terribly amused with himself. He waved the
flask away when Jesse tried to hand it back, so Jesse ended up cradling the
alcohol in his lap, not sure what to do with it.
"So, why don't you come with me to a party tonight?" Kyle said abruptly. "Maybe
I can get you to stop looking so miserable."
Jesse screwed and unscrewed the cap on the flask, glancing up at Kyle
sheepishly. "I can't. I have to babysit." He was glad for the excuse. He didn't
really feel all that comfortable in the other boy's presence and couldn't
imagine being stuck with him in a social situation.
Honestly, he didn't even know why he kept going off with Kyle. It must have
been out of pure frustration and loneliness.
Kyle laughed, but he refused to be discouraged. "Bring your little brother
along. He'd have fun, too."
"Well, besides Sam I have four other little kids to look after."
"Really?" Kyle laughed again. "I guess you'll have your hands full, huh?"
"Yeah. Shaun was coming over almost every day. He helped out a lot."
Kyle did the eyebrow thing again, giving Jesse a skeptical look. "Weren't you
afraid?"
"Of what?"
"Well, Shaun's a violent boy…weren't you concerned for your siblings?"
Jesse gaped at the dark-haired boy sitting above him, utterly horrified by what
he was implying. "No! Shaun wouldn't hurt them! He's not particularly patient,
but…" Jesse trailed off, remembering how sweet Shaun had been with Brian on
Friday, playing one of the toddler's silly farfetched pretend games. His heart
ached for Shaun.
"I see how it is." Kyle said slowly. Jesse glanced up into the other boy's
face, confused by the smug look on his face. "You're in love with him, aren't
you?"
Jesse turned away, looking out onto the empty football field. He unscrewed the
lid to the flask again, this time lifting it to his mouth and getting in a few
good gulps of vodka before Kyle started laughing. He had a grating laugh, Jesse
thought.
"You told him how you feel… Right? You got rejected and now he's avoiding you?"
"No." Jesse said calmly, glad to be sure of that at least. He wanted to say
that Shaun would never reject him, but Shaun had rejected him several times
already! Of course, he did it to protect himself and it always turned out to be
an unnecessary move on other boy's part, but it was still rejection in Jesse's
book. It certainly felt like he was being rejected.
Jesse frowned, taking another drink.
"Hmm." Kyle seemed a little disappointed now. "But you do love him?"
"I ah…" Jesse blushed. He'd forgotten to deny that part of it! "I…like him.
He's a good friend, when he's not busy…being a jerk."
Seeming even more annoyed, Kyle snorted, looking away. "That's Shaun for you."
"Do you?" Jesse asked after a long moment of silence. He took another drink
from the flask and then tried to hand it back to the boy above him since it was
nearly empty now. Kyle signaled for him to finish it.
"Do I what?"
"Love Shaun?" Jesse clarified. It didn't really make sense for Kyle to be in
love with Shaun, but combined with Kyle's sudden interest in the redhead and
his constant prying into both his and Shaun's lives, it made him think that
maybe he was on to something.
"Oh, my no." Kyle wrinkled his nose in a way that pissed Jesse off. "I wouldn't
call what I feel for our dearest friend, love."
"Then what would you call it?" Jesse snapped.
Kyle smiled at him, refusing to answer.
"Secret feelings?" Jesse grumbled.
"Something like that." Kyle watched Jesse fidget, clearly enjoying his
discomfort. "Maybe once you stop being so secretive, I'll open up."
Jesse wanted to push Kyle off the bleachers. Ugh! He was frustrating! There was
no way he was telling him anything now!
"We'd better go in. I don't want to miss gym." Jesse said, handing the flask
back. Kyle wouldn't take it, so Jesse threw it at him. Kyle snatched it out of
the air, giving Jesse a dirty look.
"Let's just skip." Kyle said, his angry look melting away. "We can go get high
at my house. I won't even charge you."
While the offer was tempting…well, the weed sounded nice. Jesse wasn't tempted
by Kyle.
"No thanks. I'll just see you later." Jesse got up, dusting his jeans off
needlessly.
Kyle's eyes flashed. "Are you sure?"
"Yes." Jesse replied firmly.
Kyle shrugged. "Well, alright then."
Jesse descended the bleachers and headed back inside. The bell rang while he
was still walking through the hall and he detoured for the locker room instead.
He couldn't have cared less about playing football again, but it was better
than walking on pins and needles with Kyle and it was a hell of a lot better
than sitting around agonizing about Shaun, which was all he found himself able
to do when he wasn't distracted.
After school, in desperation, Jesse went to Shaun's house again. Nobody came to
door and no matter how loudly he knocked, he still couldn't summon anyone to
answer.
Depressed, Jesse went home to lie in bed.
The next morning Kyle showed up at Jesse's locker again. He was in a good mood,
chatting about some bullshit Jesse was completely uninterested in. Shaun hadn't
been on the bus again and Jesse had felt like crying he was so frustrated.
Kyle was a distraction from Jesse's incessant thoughts and even though he
didn't really like Kyle, he welcomed the blond boy's conversation.
They walked to class together, splitting up only when it was necessary to get
to their separate rooms. It was nice to have someone to talk to at least. The
others still weren't speaking to him, but they'd been eyeing him with a little
less hostility now that he wasn't in Shaun's presence. Jesse hated them all the
more for their pettiness.
During lunch, Kyle passed by his table, casually offering him a break outside
on the bleachers again. For lack of anything better to do, Jesse agreed.
Kyle had his flask again and a joint as well. The two of them settled in with
their illicit substances like a couple of regular burnouts.
They didn't talk about Shaun, which was just as well. Kyle was full of enough
conversation for the two of them and mercifully kept the topics neutral and
somewhat uninteresting so Jesse was able to get his buzz and just relax,
forcing himself to forget about Shaun and the mess of his stupid life.
This time when Kyle asked him to skip class, he immediately agreed.
"Sorry." Kyle said as he let Jesse into his house. "The place's kind of messy."
Kyle was completely at odds with his filthy house. It wasn't a little messy, it
was like a garbage heap. The kitchen sink was overflowing with dirty dishes,
the counters was covered in stains, and the linoleum was cracked and peeling.
The living room wasn't any better. The TV was on, though there wasn't anybody
around. Empty beer cans, full ashtrays, dilapidated, threadbare furniture and
dirty carpets made up the room.
It was certainly a drug dealer's house.
"I'm down here." Kyle led the way into one of the back rooms. It was much
cleaner in here, at least and Jesse relaxed a bit.
It was a small room, dominated by a huge unmade bed opposite the door. A
dresser had been wedged in beside the bed, though Jesse couldn't imagine what
might be inside as the closet across from that was nearly bursting with
clothes.
There was a TV on the dresser and Kyle went to turn it on, kicking his shoes
off and towards the closet as he did so.
"Oprah's on!" he said.
"My favorite." Jesse said sarcastically.
Kyle smirked at him. "Have a seat, funny boy. I'm just gonna go get us some
stuff."
Uncomfortably, Jesse sat down on the edge of Kyle's bed. He had pale purple
sheets under his rumpled white and purple spotted coverlet. Jesse felt a sudden
urge to stand up, but as Kyle returned, he resisted.
"Ready to get fucked up?" Kyle laughed, holding out a huge bong. Jesse's eyes
widened. Fuck yes, he was ready!
Kyle was better to be around when he was high. Or at least when Jesse was high.
For the first time in their short acquaintance he didn't feel uncomfortable
around the other boy. Kyle wasn't asking him any awkward questions or giving
him knowing looks. He was a little less conscious of physical boundaries
though, as he soon found out. But that was fine, because Jesse was the same way
when he was messed up.
By the time school was over, Jesse was vaguely thinking about going home to
wait for the twins with Sam. He was sprawled on Kyle's bed with Kyle sitting
cross-legged beside him. Kyle's thigh was touching Jesse's side, but he didn't
care.
Oprah was over and Kyle had turned the channel to Jerry Springer, another
favorite of his. At least there were fights on this show.
And then a man came on, explaining to Jerry that he'd brought his wife on the
show so he could tell her he was cheating on her with…get this…with her
brother. The audience roared with laughter and disapproving boos. The camera
zoomed in on Jerry's surprised face.
"Let's bring her out now." Jerry said to no one in particular and the wife
appeared from back stage. The scene unfolded as it usually did. The husband's
boyfriend was revealed and then there was a fight where the wife's shirt flew
up and her tits were quickly censored.
Kyle laughed. "What a skank."
"Mmm." Jesse kept watching, more interested in the husband and his new
boyfriend. Neither of them were attractive, but Jesse couldn't help but feel
for their plight. And then they kissed.
Jesse blushed, watching the two men kiss on screen. They were instantly torn
apart by the jealous wife and there was another flash of her boobs, but Jesse
was no longer paying attention.
He sat up slowly, glancing at his laughing companion.
"I should so go on that show. My family's so white trash." Kyle was saying. His
eyes were bloodshot and his hair was mussed. He glanced at Jesse, smiling
lopsidedly. "You alright there, honey?"
"Shaun kissed me." Jesse blurted.
Kyle looked genuinely shocked, his mouth opening into a tiny little 'O' of
surprise.
"Fuck…" Jesse muttered to himself, turning away from Kyle and his shocked
expression. "I shouldn't have said that."
"When? When'd he kiss you?" Kyle asked quickly, not letting Jesse get away with
it.
Jesse groaned, shrinking into himself. "Sunday."
There was a long, horribly awkward silence. Jesse, his back to Kyle, could only
guess how he was taking this announcement. If Kyle really was Shaun's friend,
as he'd suggested he was, then he'd be happy, right?
"What did you do to him?" Kyle hissed, completely taking Jesse off guard with
the amount of anger in his voice.
Jesse turned nervously back to the other boy, silently appraising him. "What do
you mean?" He finally asked. He'd never seen someone look so upset while high.
It was almost funny.
"If he was kissing on you, he obviously likes you right? So why is he avoiding
you?" Kyle explained shortly." What did you do to him?" He repeated his voice
growing more hostile.
"I…" Jesse frowned. "I didn't do anything! I was shocked! And he—" Jesse
managed to stop himself before he mentioned how he'd just discovered Shaun's
tendency to cut himself. That was even more personal than the kiss and the
thought of telling anyone Shaun's horrible secret made Jesse sick. "I don't
know. He was upset..."
"You didn't say anything?'
"No." Jesse said. "I didn't react at all."
Kyle stared at him in silence.
"What?" Jesse blurted, highly uncomfortable. His buzz was totally ruined by
now, and the blaring sound from the TV was giving him a headache. Getting high
with Shaun never ended with him feeling like this, he thought sourly.
"Nothing." Kyle looked down, staring at his hands. "I just don't know what to
think."
Jesse frowned. "You do love him, don't you?"
"What the fuck's love anyway?" Kyle scoffed. "I don't know what I think about
Shaun. It's complicated."
"I don't think it is." Jesse said presumptuously.
"I like him, I guess."
Jesse's smile was strained. "I like him, too."
"I guess I just didn't ever see him going off and getting a boyfriend." Kyle
said, glancing up at Jesse quickly and then looking away again. "I thought he'd
always be there."
"We're not boyfriends!" Jesse said, blushing. "We just kissed!"
"Yeah but—"
"Right now we're not even friends!"
Jesse and Kyle stared dispassionately at one another.
"He likes you better than he ever liked me." Kyle finally said, the edge of
bitterness in his tone blatantly obvious.
"But does he like me enough?" Jesse wondered aloud, remembering that day Shaun
had told him he wouldn't stick around if Jesse turned gay.
"Maybe not." Kyle answered Jesse's thought, his pale eyes piercing.
There wasn't much to say after that. And Jesse didn't hang around much longer.
Kyle was nice enough to drive him home and this time he didn't linger. Jesse
went inside, passing Sam, Tyler and Allison on the couch as he headed up to his
bedroom. He collapsed in his bed and laid there for hours.
The next day was Friday but Jesse didn't feel the sense of relief he normally
did at the end of the week. He felt horrible. Alone. Rejected.
He didn't even bother looking for Shaun and wasn't surprised when the bus
passed the other boy's house without pausing.
Kyle stopped by Jesse's locker before first period for a chat and he apologized
for yelling yesterday.
"I get weird when I'm high." He said guiltily.
"That's um…ok." Jesse glanced uneasily at the other boy. He was pretty sure
that Kyle loved Shaun and that revelation made him kind of unhappy. Shaun
wasn't his boyfriend or anything, they weren't even talking, but Jesse was
feeling kind of protective of the bad tempered and sullen boy and he didn't
like the thought of Kyle chasing after him.
"And, honey, I'm sure everything's going to work out." Kyle told him, sounding
sarcastic and bitter even as he wore a big gleaming smile. "So, put a smile on
that cute face of yours." He said cheerfully.
Jesse smiled, hating how friendly Kyle kept pretending to be.
Soon after the bell rang and Kyle went off to his first period and Jesse went
to his math class. He sat through lecture, completely bored, doodling on the
edges of his notebook.
Near the end of the lesson, he randomly drew a set of dark and moody eyes.
Familiar eyes…
"Shaun." Jesse whispered, missing his friend stupidly, terribly.
When the bell rang, signaling the end of first period Jesse quickly closed his
notebook, hoping nobody had seen him drawing Shaun's eyes and then whispering
lovingly to them.
How embarrassing, he thought.
Jesse trudged to Chemistry, hoping there wasn't a lab planned for today. There
had been one Tuesday and he'd had to work by himself with Mr. Barnes hanging
over his shoulder, waiting for him to sabotage the simple mixture of chemicals.
Jesse might have tried something to amuse Shaun, but there was no point when he
wasn't even there.
Walking into the room with his head down, Jesse didn't realize that his desk
was no longer empty until he was about to put his books down.
He looked up, his eyes widening in pure shock.
"Shaun!" Jesse gasped. His bag dropped to the floor and he stood in the aisle
gaping at his scowling best friend.
"What?" Shaun snapped, looking away from Jesse almost as soon as their eyes
met, blushing furiously and glaring towards the front of the room.
Getting a hold of himself somewhat Jesse managed to take his seat next to the
other boy. He watched him warily, as if afraid he'd disappear if he looked
away.
"Stop staring at me." Shaun said out of the side of his mouth. Jesse had never
really looked at Shaun's lips before. They were wide, kinda thick, warm and
strangely appealing. Staring at them reminded Jesse how they'd felt pressed
against his own. The redhead looked down at the desktop, thoroughly
embarrassed.
"We need to talk." Jesse said, studying the shiny plastic desktop.
"We don't need to do anything." Shaun hissed.
Jesse's head snapped up immediately, glaring angrily at Shaun. "You can't keep
avoiding me forever!"
As several people turned around to gawk at them, Jesse realized how loud he'd
just been. Shaun reluctantly glanced over at him.
"Just shut up, Jesse. Leave me alone."
Mr. Barnes walked into the classroom, shutting the door. He immediately started
talking, going to the board to write notes over something they should have read
the night before. Jesse hadn't read it and he hazarded a guess that Shaun
hadn't either.
Shaun looked away again, glaring at the chalkboard. Jesse stared at the other
boy for a long moment, taking him in sadly. This wasn't going to be the end of
their friendship, he thought determinedly. It just wasn't…
The redhead rifled through his bag, coming up victorious with his notebook and
pencil. He quickly flipped to the back and wrote furiously for a moment. Then
he shoved the whole thing over onto Shaun's side of the desk.
Shaun looked like he wanted to ignore the note and he folded his arms
protectively over his chest, pulling away from the offensive notebook. Jesse
pushed it closer with the tip of his pencil and finally, with a frustrated
sigh, Shaun glanced down at the note.
'Why are you so mad at me?' It said.
Shaun scowled at the notebook, but he dutifully reached into his own bag for a
pen. He quickly scribbled a response.
'I'm not mad.'
'The hell you're not!' Jesse accused when he'd gotten the paper back. 'You've
been avoiding me all week and even when you're around you won't talk to me or
look at me!!!'
'So?' Shaun answered casually, barely even glancing at Jesse's note before he
turned his attention back to the lecture.
So, Shaun would rather listen to Mr. Barnes lecture about covalent bonds? Fine.
Shaun was just asking for it.  
'I'm not mad about the kiss.' Jesse wrote. 'I want you to do it again.'
Shaun glanced down quickly at the paper once Jesse had passed it to him,
scanning it with a bored look on his face like he had the other two times. But
this time his eyes widened as he finished reading and he started blushing
again. Shaun brought his pen to the page, blotting out Jesse's words with black
ink.
He wrote his reply under the black scribbles.
'Fuck you. Don't ever talk about that again.'
Jesus, he was stubborn, Jesse thought.
'I liked it. I know you liked it too.' Jesse passed the note over, a little
embarrassed to be talking… writing… about a kiss with someone who so
persistently denied that it had happened.
Shaun stared at Jesse's short note for a long moment and for a second, Jesse
thought he'd gotten through to the other boy.
But then Shaun tore the page they'd been writing on out of Jesse's notebook and
proceeded to tear the page into tiny, itty bitty pieces which fluttered to the
desktop in a little messy pile.
"Shaun?" Mr. Barnes called from the front of the classroom, giving the sullen
boy an admonishing look. People turned around in their seats to watch Shaun's
reaction, or lack of one to be more precise. Shaun continued to shred the
paper, oblivious. "Shaun, do you really have to do that now?" Mr. Barnes asked.
"Yes." Shaun said solemnly as he finished destroying the note. He picked up his
bag and swept all the pieces into it.
There was dead silence as Shaun dropped his bag back to the floor and turned
back to the front of the class, folding his hands on the desk.
"See me after class, Shaun." Mr. Barnes deadpanned before returning to his
lecture.
Jesse watched Shaun, burning inside with rage. He was so tired of Shaun and his
stupid homophobia or whatever it was that was keeping him from acting like a
civil human being.
"It doesn't matter if you tear up a piece of paper, Shaun." He whispered,
glaring at the side of Shaun's face as the other boy refused to face him. "I
know what happened and so do you. I liked it when you…kissed me."
"Faggot." Shaun whispered back, sounding choked. He narrowed his eyes though
and forced all emotion from his face.
"I'm not a fag. I don't like guys." Jesse hissed, frustrated with the other
boy. "But I like you. And I liked what you did to me. So just get over it."
For the rest of the class, the two boys sat side by side in bitter silence.
Jesse was pissed off. He didn't know why Shaun had to be such a dick about
everything. He realized that most people had been cruel to him in the past, but
Jesse had never been anything but a good friend! Or at least he thought that's
what he'd been! He wished Shaun would just listen to him for once instead of
jumping immediately to whatever conclusion he wanted!
Finally, class ended and everyone rushed to get out of the room. Jesse stood
up, slinging his bag over his shoulder and looking down at Shaun who hadn't yet
bothered to get up.
"Will you be at lunch?" Jesse asked.
"No."
Jesse involuntarily let out a high-pitched whine. "Shaun! Please! We've gotta
talk!"
"I have a math test to make up." Shaun said, not looking at him.
Jesse vaguely remembered taking a math test on Tuesday and he grunted in
acknowledgement. "When can I see you then?"
"I don't know Jesse, alright!" Shaun got up, grabbed his stuff and marched to
the front of the room to stand before Mr. Barnes' desk. Mr. Barnes looked
around Shaun at Jesse, wordlessly waiting for him to leave and it was then that
the redhead realized he was the only other person in the room.
Sighing, Jesse left the room and hurried to history, sliding into his seat next
to Emily. He waited for Shaun to appear, barely taking notice when class began.
Shaun was several minutes late to class, showing up with a pinched look on his
face and a late pass.
He didn't look Jesse's way as he took his seat.
Jesse could barely believe how exasperating Shaun was. He'd never met anyone
like him in his life. It was a good thing he loved the stupid idiot, or he
would have given up a while ago.
When class was over, Shaun shot out of his seat, all but running for the door.
Feeling sad, but resigned, Jesse let him go, shuffling miserably to English.
Jesse had forgotten about the poem that was supposed to be due today. Miss
Stevens stood in front of his desk waiting to collect it and feeling completely
stupid, Jesse rummaged around in his bag, looking for an assignment he knew he
didn't have. When he looked up at the young pretty teacher though, complete
desolation writ plainly on his face, Miss Stevens' expression instantly
softened.
"If you turn it in by the end of the day, I'll consider it still on time." She
said softly.
"Thanks." Jesse murmured, feeling slightly better. When he glanced up, he
caught Emily watching him. He wondered how long she'd been doing that.
After English, Jesse skipped lunch to go to the library where he feverishly
rewrote a poem he and his girlfriend had written for a similar school project a
couple months ago when he'd been living in Detroit. It was shitty, but he was
glad he didn't have to start from scratch.
Midway through, Kyle poked his head into the library, looking around. The place
wasn't much bigger than a normal sized classroom so he spotted Jesse easily.
"There you are." Kyle said, bouncing over to stand behind Jesse's chair. "Did
you see Shaun? He's back."
"Yeah." Jesse gave the tall slender boy an exhausted look. "We sort of almost
talked."
"Sounds promising."
Jesse shrugged. "I keep trying to bring up the…you know," Jesse said, not
wanting to explicitly say 'kiss', "But he freaks out every time I open my
mouth."
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know." Jesse turned back around, leaning his elbow on the computer
desk as he stared blankly at his half-finished poem. He just needed to finish
this and then he could go to gym. Maybe Shaun would feel more up to talking
there, though he honestly didn't know why he thought that.
"Ah…you're not writing him a love letter are you?" Kyle said from over Jesse's
shoulder. Before Jesse could respond Kyle started reading the last stanza.
"… You are my angel, you've illuminated my soul
It's you and your love, that has made me whole.
The feel of your love, your soft touch and caress
We're tight so close, your heart beats in my chest…"
Jesse snorted as Kyle finished up. "That's my poem for English." He glared at
it. "Cheesy, huh?"
"Yeah." Kyle wrinkled his nose. "I'll let you finish."
Jesse hurriedly finished his poem and printed it out. He didn't have time to go
visit Miss Stevens so he stuffed it in his bag and ran to gym. Jesse got weird
looks from the other changing boys when he ran into the locker room at top
speed. He needn't have bothered though as Shaun apparently hadn't been in a
hurry to get to gym and he was nowhere to be seen.
Changing quickly, Jesse followed his classmates outside to the baseball field.
He hated baseball – it was probably one of the most boring sports ever invented
– so he was already in a bad mood. His team was batting first and he had to sit
in the dugout with his other team members while they all watched Coach Vance
show a chubby girl how to bat.
When the other team pitched, the girl swung and missed by a mile. As Kenny and
Eric laughed at the girl, Jesse scowled. He hated them and he hated baseball.
And Shaun…! Well he didn't hate Shaun, but now would have been a good time for
them to talk. But yet again, he was off hiding somewhere—
Shaun suddenly jogged into view. He ran up to Coach Vance and the two of them
talked for a moment while the game went on in the background. The girl missed
again. Vance handed Shaun a glove and yelled at the boy on the pitching mound.
Grudgingly the boy relinquished his position, taking Vance's spot behind the
girl as the empire. Shaun climbed onto the pitching mound.
When Shaun threw the pitch, the girl was able to hit the ball on the first try.
She ran around to first, her little girlfriends jumping up to cheer her on.
Jesse smiled, his gaze never leaving Shaun's lone figure in the center of the
field. Shaun purposefully didn't look at him, but Jesse didn't mind.
Class ended before Jesse could get a turn to bat. He hadn't really wanted to
until Shaun was drafted to pitch. Shaun would have been forced to pay attention
to him then, if only so he could throw balls at him.
As soon as Coach Vance ended the game, Shaun started heading back to the
school, using his longer legs to get further away from Jesse. But Jesse was
nothing if not determined.
"Shaun." Jesse had to jog to keep up with the other boy, but he did so gladly,
panting and huffing to keep up.
"What now?" Shaun grunted, refusing eye contact.
"Are you going to be at your house after school?" Jesse asked.
"I don't know."
"Shaun…please." Jesse begged in a breathy, pathetic voice.
Shaun spared Jesse a glance out of the corner of his eye. "If I'm not busy,
I'll stop by your house or something."
"Busy?" When had Shaun ever been busy?
Shaun gnashed his teeth at Jesse's dubious reply and realizing that he had to
be extremely careful with the other boy, Jesse laid a hand on Shaun's arm
soothingly. That had been a bad move too, though. Shaun jerked away violently.
"Don't touch me." He growled, speeding up.
Jesse let him go, glad that he'd at least gotten a vague assurance that he'd
see Shaun later that night.
When he got to the locker room with the rest of the boys, he wasn't surprised
to find that Shaun had already dressed back into his regular clothes, a long-
sleeved Henley shirt, dirt stained jeans and heavy boots. He'd just finished
packing his stuff in his backpack and as he turned to sweep out of the room, he
briefly met Jesse's eyes.
For some reason, the simple look made Jesse's cheeks hot with a helpless blush.
Shaun was so intense…
At the end of the day, Jesse hurried to Miss Stevens' classroom to turn in his
poem. She looked it over as he apologized for not having it during class.
"It won't happen again." Jesse finished, a little embarrassed.
Miss Stevens smiled and put his poem down in the center of her desk. "I could
tell you weren't in the best frame of mind this morning. Are you feeling any
better?"
Jesse bit his lip. "I guess."
"Girl problems?" She asked, gesturing to the poem.
"Er…no." Jesse fidgeted. He hoped he wasn't going to miss the bus again. He
wanted to get home!
"Boy problems?"
That slowed Jesse up and his eyes widened comically. "Ah…"
"I'm sorry. I'm only teasing." Miss Stevens said with a smile.
Jesse blushed again, not sure what to say.
"I'll see you Monday, Jesse."  Miss Stevens said kindly. Jesse ducked his head
and rushed out of the room.
Kyle was waiting out in the hall for him.
"Want a ride?" He asked.
Jesse shrugged. He wouldn't mind getting home faster. "Ok."
"So, what's going on?" Kyle asked as they walked to his car.
"With Shaun?" Jesse ran a hand through his hair, frustrated even just thinking
of the other boy. "He said he might stop by later."
"And have you figured out what you're going to say?"
"No." Jesse shook his head. "Am I supposed to know beforehand?"
"What if he kisses you again? What are you going to do?" Kyle said quickly,
sounding oddly intent. "Are you going to have sex with him?"
"Whoa…" Jesse flushed again – he just couldn't seem to stop! "That won't
happen. He doesn't even want to talk about it. I doubt he'll just start—"
"Fucking you?"
"No." Jesse said, his voice strangled and high pitched. He would stop Shaun if
he tried anyway. The thought of sex…anal sex… was scary. He wouldn't even have
the first clue how to go about it.
Kyle seemed pleased with Jesse's answer and his subsequent embarrassment. "Are
you going to be boyfriends, you think?"
"Oh god no!" Jesse gasped. "Can you imagine?!" It was hard for Jesse to picture
anyone, least of all him, labeling Shaun as somebody's boyfriend and living.
"But what about—"
"Kyle! Stop it! Please." Jesse cried as they finally reached the car. Kyle
peered at him over the roof of his car. "I'm not… really ready to even be
thinking about this stuff." Jesse said awkwardly.
Kyle laughed. "Are you a virgin?"
"No!" Just to get away from Kyle's smirk, he yanked the passenger door open and
climbed in. It was a pretty pointless move as seconds later, Kyle got in beside
him, continuing with his embarrassing line of discussion.
"It's ok if you are, Jesse. It's nothing to be embarrassed about."
"I'm not! Trust me…I'm not." Jesse said firmly.
"Alright, maybe you're not a virgin with girls, but when it comes to guys…"
Kyle said, his lips curling impishly. He leaned across Jesse's seat and got
right in his face. "I bet you're completely clueless."
Jesse sighed and bit his lip. "It doesn't matter though. We're not going to
have sex!"
"Jesse…" Kyle cooed.
"We're just friends!" Jesse said as he covered his bright red face.
"Friends who like to kiss?"
"Oh god…" Jesse moaned. Why had he told Kyle anything?! If – or rather when
Jesse thought bitterly to himself – Shaun found out he'd told Kyle about them,
about that one stupid and incredibly ill-advised kiss, Jesse would be lucky to
escape Shaun's towering rage with his skin!
"I've seen Shaun's cock before, Jesse." Kyle whispered almost lovingly into his
ear. "It's fucking huge. You don't want to look like a silly little virgin, do
you, when Shaun fucks you the first time?" Jesse whimpered at the other boy's
words, horrified to find himself getting turned on. "If you want, I could tell
everything you need to know about pleasing a man. I could show you."
Jesse leaned as far away from Kyle as was possible, burying his head in his
arms. "Noooo." He moaned. He didn't want to do anything with Kyle. He didn't
want to do anything with anyone anymore! He just wanted Shaun and that scared
him! Fuck! He was turned on just thinking about being with him!
Kyle laughed, suddenly drawing away. "Can't blame a guy for trying." He said
cheerfully, starting his car and pulling out of the parking lot like nothing at
all had happened.
Jesse cowered in his seat for a few moments, listening to the country song on
the radio. He finally managed to get himself under control though, and he
cautiously sat up.
"Virgin." Kyle accused.
"Shut up."
Jesse was hoping Kyle would just drop him off and leave, but he didn't have
high hopes. And indeed, Kyle seemed like he intended to stay. He pulled into
Jesse's driveway and put the car into park.
"Wanna get drunk?"
Jesse bit his lip, not really knowing a nice way to tell the guy who'd just
drove him home to fucking leave already.
"Shaun's probably coming over soon…" He said gently.
"I know. That's why I suggested the booze." Kyle smiled toothily, reaching into
the back seat and pulling out a whole bottle of vodka. "Thought you might like
to loosen up."
Jesse didn't like the implications of that and grunted. "I don't know, Kyle.
Maybe some other time."
But Kyle was already getting out and heading for Jesse's house. With a sigh,
Jesse followed him. It'd be faster to appease him than it would be to fight.
Well, it'd be more unpleasant anyway, and he was already expecting tonight to
be unpleasant as it was. Honestly, he didn't want to put himself in a bad mood
right off the bat.
Sam was sitting on the couch when Jesse and Kyle came in. He was texting again,
as he always seemed to be doing lately. He glanced up, glaring immediately at
Jesse, but then his eyes wandered to Kyle. "Hi." He said.
"Hey."
Jesse instantly grabbed Kyle's arm, leading him upstairs. The last thing he
needed was for Sam to start making buddies with a drug dealer. It was bad
enough that Jesse was becoming a complete burnout, he wasn't about to let his
little brother follow the same path, even if he didn't like him at this point
in time.
Kyle laughed. "You don't have to drag me, honey." He put his arm around Jesse's
waist and squeezed his hip suggestively. Jesse, creeped out by the behavior,
gently pushed him away.
Jesse's and Sam's room was a mess, as usual, and Jesse kicked their junk out of
the way as he headed for Sam's bed. He wasn't about to invite Kyle up to his
bunk. That was his and Shaun's place.
"Nice." Kyle smirked, sitting beside Jesse. He scooted unnecessarily close so
their thighs were touching, but he only pulled out the bottle of vodka and
unscrewed the cap. "I love vodka, how about you?"
"It's ok." Jesse shrugged. He'd rather mix it with something else, but at this
point if he had to get drunk to get Kyle to leave, he was all for it.
They passed the bottle back and forth. Kyle was oddly silent, staring at Jesse
like he was the most fascinating person he'd ever seen.
"You're really cute." Kyle said suddenly. "I can see why Shaun likes you."
That weird comment made Jesse feel uncomfortable. "He doesn't like me." He said
uneasily.
"Yes, he does. He wouldn't have kissed you if he didn't like you." Kyle touched
Jesse's shoulder, sliding his arm around him. "I couldn't get him to kiss me."
"Good." Jesse said, a tad angry now. He shook Kyle's arm off, ignoring the
other boy's amused laughter. "Listen, Kyle, I don't like you like that."
"But you like Shaun 'like that'?"
Jesse blushed. He didn't see why that was even a relevant question. "I don't
know." He said shyly.
"You do, little Jesse. I can tell." Kyle leaned closer, brushing Jesse's auburn
hair behind his ear.
"I guess." Jesse was frozen stiff. He wanted to get up and run, but Kyle was
being so gentle and the vodka was making him warm, making his head fuzzy. Kyle
was a sleaze ball, but the feel of his fingers trailing through Jesse's hair
felt nice. "He makes me happy."
"But look what he's doing to you now, honey." Kyle said. "I could make you so
much happier."
He leaned in, his lips brushing Jesse's ear. Jesse thought he was going to
whisper, or lick him or something, but before anything could happen, there was
a loud knock coming from downstairs.
"That's Shaun." Jesse said, leaping up and tearing himself away from the other
boy. He was too busy dashing downstairs to notice the look of pure fury on
Kyle's face…
Sam was answering the door when Jesse got to the living room. Shaun, as usual,
had a scowl on his face as he came into the room. He glanced briefly at Sam and
then his eyes darted to Jesse.
"What the fuck is Kyle doing here?"
Shaun's voice was full of hatred and contained a deep-seated anger that forced
Jesse to step back in unconscious fear. He'd seen Shaun upset before, it seemed
that witnessing Shaun's anger was a given, but he'd never seen him like this…
Shaun stepped forward, advancing on Jesse like he was a predator and Jesse was
his animal of prey. "What is he doing here?!"
Just then Kyle appeared behind Jesse, completely calm. "There's no reason to
shout." he said, coming up behind Jesse and laying a possessive hand on the
redhead's shoulder. "Jesse and I were just having a friendly little chat."
"Get out!" Shaun yelled, spit flying from his mouth. He grabbed Jesse's arm and
pulled him away from Kyle.
"Really now—"
Shaun released Jesse's arm lunged at Kyle in one fluid movement. He caught the
front of Kyle's shirt in his powerful fist and shook him violently. "Fucking
pervert! Get the fuck out of here!" He all but threw Kyle towards the door.
"Alright!" Kyle straightened his shirt, glaring at Shaun who glared right back
with a viciousness that sent a chill down Jesse's spine. "I'll see you later
Jesse." Kyle muttered, which got Shaun growling menacingly under his breath and
Kyle quickly turned and hurried out the door.
Shaun rounded on Jesse now. "How long has this been going on?!"
"What do you mean? We're just friends!" Jesse cried. He was partially afraid of
pissing Shaun off further, but he really didn't like the insinuations the other
boy was shouting. "Nothing's going on!"
"Oh yeah? And how long have you been 'just friends'?" Shaun sneered.
Sam was standing off to the side, watching the argument with narrowed eyes.
When Jesse glanced over at him, Sam stuck his tongue out. "Are you guys fags or
something?"
"You fucking little cunt." Shaun started to advance on Sam, rage in his eyes,
but Jesse jumped in front of his younger brother.
"Stop it!" Jesse yelled. "Leave him alone!"
Shaun and Jesse glared at one another until Shaun let out a gust of breath,
physically attempting to calm himself down.
"Let's go upstairs." Jesse suggested.
Shaun nodded curtly and the two of them trekked up the stairs and back into
Jesse's room. Jesse thought about trying to hide the bottle of vodka Kyle had
left behind, but it was no use. Shaun saw it immediately and went to pick it
up, hissing something under his breath.
"I'm sorry, alright." Jesse said immediately even though there wasn't a lot he
had to be sorry for. He hadn't really done anything wrong. "I didn't know you—"
"Hated him?" Shaun sneered.
"Well, I knew you didn't like him." Jesse ruffled a hand through his hair and
went to sit on Sam's bed again. Shaun stood over him, still holding the vodka.
Jesse imagined Shaun pouring it over his head in a fit of rage. It was hardly
the worst thing he could think of to do. "I just didn't know you'd react like
that."
Shaun snorted. "I told you to stay away from him."
"You can't tell me to do things and then expect me to just follow along when
you won't even look at me!"
If Jesse had hoped Shaun would react to that in any way, he was mistaken. Shaun
still glared hard at Jesse, completely unmoved, upset that he hadn't obeyed.
Jesse sighed. "Listen, we've got more… important things to talk about other
than Kyle."
Shaun stiffened. "Like what?"
"You know what." Jesse said softly, watching the way Shaun drew himself up,
wrapping himself in denial.
"We're not going to talk about it."
"Why not!" Jesse felt like pulling his fucking hair out! He'd never…EVER… met
anyone more infuriating than Shaun.
"Because it was a big mistake." Shaun hissed, verbally smacking Jesse across
the face.
"I'm a mistake?"
"No. What I did…it was disgusting." Shaun said slowly.
"I'm not a mistake then…I'm disgusting?" Jesse said. Was that supposed to be
better?
"Jesus fucking Christ, Jesse!" Shaun snapped. "I'm disgusting! Is that what you
want me to say? It's not fucking you, it's me!" He yelled, dropping the vodka.
The clear alcohol spilled all over the wood floor, but neither boy cared.
"You're perfect." Shaun went on, oblivious to anything but his rant. "Your
nice, people like you, you're sweet and…good looking." He said, angrily listing
off Jesse's good qualities. "You're annoying as fuck, incredibly stupid most of
the time, and too naïve for your own good." He continued, almost smiling this
time. "But you're not fucking sick like I am." The faint smile disappeared.
"All you've tried to be was my friend and how did I repay you? I fucking shoved
my tongue down your throat!"
"Shaun—"
"I'm a fucking freak! I never should have touched you." Shaun said as he glared
hatefully at the puddle of vodka.
Fuck…Shaun had been beating himself up all week over this. Jesse could tell
from the look on Shaun's face that he had been. He'd been an asshole, but he'd
pushed Jesse away because he was afraid of rejection.
They'd been having this problem ever since they'd met. Jesse was sad to see
Shaun's fear of rejection reappear after all they'd been through, but there was
only one way to get through this.
"Shaun, I want you to…touch me." Jesse said, blushing. Shaun looked up
grudgingly to meet Jesse's eyes. "I like you. I want you to kiss me again."
"You're lying. You told everyone about it… that's why—"
"Why what? I didn't tell anyone!" Except Kyle, Jesse mentally amended. "I'm not
gay, ok? I like girls. But I just happen to like you better than any girl I've
ever been with."
Shaun scoffed. "You're so fucking stupid sometimes."
"Fuck you!" Jesse snapped, standing up. "You're the stupid one! You pushed me
away because when you kissed me I was surprised?! What's going to convince you
that I liked it and that I don't think you're disgusting and that I'm in love
with you, you fucking jerk!"
Shaun stared at him, his scowl melting away. "What?"
"I love you!" Jesse yelled, stamping his foot. Tears of frustration sprung to
his eyes. "You keep pushing me away and I just want to be closer to you! That's
all! I don't care about the kids at school! I don't care about Kyle! All I want
is you!"
Just as the words had left his mouth, Shaun grabbed Jesse and pulled him into
his chest.
"Don't lie to me." He whispered, curving around Jesse's much smaller body to
bury his face in the redhead's wild hair. "This isn't a joke anymore."
Jesse couldn't answer with his face pressed against Shaun's chest and he
struggled violently to be released so he could address Shaun's newest insult.
"Fuck you!" He hit Shaun in the arm, growing more frustrated and upset when
Shaun barely even flinched. "I tell you how I feel and you think I'm joking?"
Jesse turned away, so upset now that he could only repeat himself. "Fuck you!"
He said again, weakly.
There was a long, unbearably long, moment when Jesse was sure Shaun was going
to just walk out of the room and leave. His back was to Shaun and the rest of
the room and he didn't want to turn around and see Shaun's disbelieving
expression.
But then Shaun spoke.
"Nobody's ever…said that to me before."
"What?" Jesse sniffed slightly.
"What you just said." Jesse considered turning around, but when he felt Shaun
step up behind him, his body radiating warmth, he decided not to.
"Well…I do. I l—love you." The redhead mumbled quickly. He felt a little
embarrassed saying it outright like that, not driven by anger. He sounded
so…vulnerable.
If he'd been expecting some kind of answer, Shaun didn't deliver. Against his
better judgment Jesse finally brought himself to turn around, glancing shyly at
his friend.
Shaun looked like he was struggling to keep his expression blank. His dark eyes
were penetrating and sharp, but Jesse couldn't read them. The lack of
expression made Jesse feel unaccountably odd.
"What are you thinking?" He asked.
"I don't know." Shaun admitted, his voice unusually subdued.
"I don't know either." Jesse agreed, averting his eyes. "This is all so fucking
weird." H3 reached out, touching Shaun's arm with his fingers. "What do you
want to do?"
"Can we forget any of this happened? Can we just go back to how it was before?"
Shaun said, his expression finally breaking into one of earnest desperation.
Jesse swallowed, feeling like he was going to start crying like a stupid girl
again. "I can't forget." He didn't want to either! He'd told Shaun he loved
him. Loved him! And Shaun wanted to forget it!
Shaun sighed. "Jesse! I can't be…I can't be in a relationship with you!"
"Why not?" Jesse blushed. He'd never had to beg someone to be with him before!
Especially someone he cared about so much. It was beyond humiliating.
"I'm not meant for…this kind of stuff." Shaun grunted, gesturing between them
with the arm Jesse wasn't hanging on to. "I'm not good enough."
"I don't understand you." Jesse whispered. He couldn't look Shaun in the eye.
He was too afraid of what he'd see.
"The things I want…they're all wrong." Shaun said slowly. "I'm messed up,
Jesse."
"You're not." Jesse looked up at the other boy from under his lashes. "I don't
think you're messed up."
"You don't know me."
"I know you better than anyone." Jesse said with a level of confidence he
didn't have. This past week had really shown him how much he really didn't know
Shaun.
That kiss Shaun had bestowed on him had been a complete surprise, as well as
discovering Shaun liked to hurt himself and possibly had suicidal tendencies.
It was a lot to take in, on top of fighting Shaun's penchant for avoiding him
when things got tough.
But he did know a lot about him, things that you could only learn from
watching, from being around someone more often than not. Jesse also didn't
think there was anything Shaun could tell him that was worse than the things he
already knew about him…
"Listen." Jesse said before Shaun could start berating himself again. "I don't
really know what it is we're doing here. I've never been with a…guy before." It
had been embarrassing saying this in front of Kyle, but it was even more so
with Shaun staring intently at him. Jesse fought off his awkwardness though and
pushed on. This was important. " I think we should just…see where it goes."
Jesse watched Shaun's face as he made his proposition. The other boy wasn't
giving anything away however. "We don't have to do anything we don't want to.
We don't have to give it a name. We can just be…us. You know?" Fuck, am I even
making sense? Jesse wondered frantically.
Shaun must have understood though because he nodded slowly. "If that's what you
want." He said reluctantly.
"What I want?" Jesse said softly, hurt. "Don't you want me? At all?"
Shaun eyes darkened, filling with an emotion that looked so foreign and alien,
unrecognizable, but at the same time familiar. Shaun's hand was suddenly
touching his face, his thumb wiping at the tears Jesse's earlier crying had
left behind.
There was no need for words as they leaned in together, Shaun bending and Jesse
stretching up on his toes. They met in the middle and their lips met softly.
For a brief moment it was sweet, so incredibly sweet that Jesse gasped and
trembled against Shaun's broad frame. But then Shaun's hand slid from his face,
and both his arms wound around Jesse's waist and hoisted him off the floor.
As Shaun kissed him deeply, almost violently, Jesse remembered when he'd seen
Shaun's eyes darken like that before. The last time they'd kissed he'd looked
the same way. His eyes so deep and dark, so intensity passionate, it was almost
frightening.
Shaun had looked like he was getting ready to devour Jesse and he was; licking
his mouth, sucking his tongue, biting his lips…
Oh fuck Shaun's hands were everywhere, all over his body. Jesse only vaguely
realized Shaun had moved them to the bed when Shaun started pushing Jesse's
shirt up and over his head so he could suck and bite at his throat, his hands
running up and down Jesse's bare chest.
"Shaun…" Jesse moaned. He was lying on his back, his arms stuck over his head
and tangled in his discarded shirt.
Shaun leaned over him as he straddled his waist. Jesse could only see the top
of his head, and his frizzy hair tickled Jesse's chin as he sucked and licked
needily at Jesse's throat. It made Jesse's toes curl and his cock twitch with
interest.
"Oh god!" he gasped wetly.
Shaun shifted slightly, his thigh now firmly pressed against Jesse's straining
erection. He took Jesse's mouth again and the redhead clung to him as his mouth
was plundered thoroughly. He finally freed his arms and wrapped them around
Shaun's neck. He dug his fingers into his frizzy hair as he groaned into
Shaun's open mouth.
They rubbed against each other frantically as the kiss got wetter. Jesse wanted
to take the rest of his clothes off. He wanted to feel Shaun's hands touching
his skin everywhere. He wanted to feel Shaun's naked skin against his own…
Shaun reached between their bodies, his hand trailing across Jesse's bare belly
and causing delicious shivers. When his hand got to Jesse's erection he only
had to squeeze the prominent bulge a few times before Jesse was coming in his
pants, helplessly screaming out his pleasure into Shaun's mouth.  Seconds
later, Shaun was stiffening in response, thrusting against Jesse's hip as he
came as well, collapsing on top of the redhead straight after.
"Holy shit." Jesse breathed, his hand shaking slightly as he threaded it
through Shaun's wild mop of hair. He had never come so hard from so little.
Frantic kisses, hands on his chest, a mouth on his throat, a little pressure on
his cock and he'd come down his pants like a 12-year-old having a wet dream.
Shaun rolled off of Jesse, lying on his side and staring at Jesse with shadowed
eyes. "I shouldn't have done that."  He said.
Jesse scowled immediately. "That was fucking amazing and don't even try to feel
guilty about it." He said.
Unfortunately, his words did nothing to dissipate the grim look on Shaun's face
and he got up.
"I'll be…" Shaun straightened up, wincing slightly. "In the bathroom." He
finished before he hurried out of the room.
Jesse glared after Shaun. He considered following him, the bastard deserved it,
but Jesse felt too limp and sticky to do that so he flopped back onto his bed.
Only it wasn't his bed, he suddenly realized.
"Eww!" Jesse rolled off of Sam's bed and onto the floor. He couldn't believe
he'd just had his first gay sexual encounter on his little brother's bed!
Shaun came back into the room after a few moments, raising a brow at Jesse.
"What are you doing on the floor?" He asked.
"We just made out on Sam's bed!" Jesse hissed, picking himself up. He missed
the carefully blank look on Shaun's face as he searched for his shirt.
"Don't worry, it won't happen again."
Jesse looked over at his friend? His boyfriend? Lover? Whatever he was, Shaun
didn't look angry like he had earlier when he'd been trying to avoid Jesse,
instead he looked incredibly determined.
Jesse dropped his shirt on the bed and picked his way over to Shaun, putting
his hands on the other boy's waist. Shaun stiffened.
"Are you going to push me away now?"
"Obviously not." Shaun said, glaring around the room at nothing in particular,
refusing to meet Jesse's gaze.
"Than what's the problem?"
Carefully, Shaun extracted himself from Jesse's grip, but purposefully kept the
same amount of distance between them. "This is really gay and fucked up,
Jesse."
"So what?"
"I attacked you." Shaun muttered, staring hard at a spot on the wall, just over
Jesse's left shoulder.
"No, you didn't. I wanted it!" Not this again!
"We shouldn't have done it in the first place." Shaun hissed.
Jesse considered smacking Shaun across the face, but the look of abject misery
on the other boy wore stopped him.
"I like you an awful lot, Shaun, but sometimes you're a fucking jerk."
Shaun lifted his chin arrogantly, but he didn't verbally respond.
Jesse sighed. He was understandably frustrated.
Shaun kept undoing all his hard work! And it had been hard, getting Shaun to
kiss him again.
But Jesse decided that he just had to look on the bright side of this whole
mess. At least Shaun was talking to him now. That was a huge improvement over
the way Shaun had acted the last time they'd kissed.
"Wanna get high or something?" Jesse asked, not wanting Shaun to leave, but not
knowing what else to do to ease the tension. Weed was always the answer.
Shaun nodded slowly. "But that's all." He said firmly as if he expected Jesse
to take advantage of him after they smoked. That had been, more or less, the
idea, but Jesse wasn't going to admit to it.
"Of course not."
Shaun refused to climb up into the bunk so Jesse had to move a box full of
Sam's stuff off of the room's only chair so Shaun had a place to sit. Jesse sat
cross-legged on the floor, getting his Coke can ready. Shaun watched him,
clearly annoyed.
"So, you and Kyle got real friendly when I was away?" He asked snottily. "Did
he offer to take a few dollars off if you'd suck his cock?"
"No." Jesse said neutrally. "He nearly cleaned me out, actually. I've barely
got any money left."
"Yeah, right." Shaun scoffed, shifting anxiously in his chair as he watched
Jesse toke up. "That is the stupidest thing I've ever seen, by the way." He
said, gesturing to the can.
"I was desperate." Jesse shrugged. He held up the makeshift pipe after he'd got
a decent lungful. Shaun gave him a dubious look, but took a hit regardless.
"Where were you this week, anyway?" During all the frantic rubbing they'd been
doing not too long ago, Jesse hadn't happened to feel Shaun's stomach. He
wondered if it was any better. It had been awful…
"I got my stomach stitched up." Shaun said gruffly.
"Oh!"
Shaun looked away from Jesse's inquisitive look. "You can't see it."
Jesse wasn't surprised by that, but he was a little hurt. "What happened?"
"Grandpa said it wasn't healing right." Shaun said offhandedly, as if he didn't
really care.  He probably didn't.
"You went to the hospital? Did you see my mom?" Jesse wondered why Monica
hadn't said anything if she's sewed up Jesse's best friend.
"Some fucking asshole doctor did it. I didn't see her." Shaun said.
Jesse sighed again, allowing the conversation to die. He didn't know why the
other boy had to be so difficult. What did he have to gain by putting all this
distance between them?
"I don't want to kill myself, you know." Shaun said after a while. The room was
getting smoky and hot and Jesse didn't like their positions. He wanted to be
closer to Shaun, he didn't like having to look up at the other boy's towering
figure, he wanted to snuggle up next to him and maybe grind against his body
like they'd been doing a while ago.
Inelegant, awkward as hell, slightly embarrassing, and also raw and incredibly
hot, Jesse was ready to do it all again.
"I don't like the thought of you hurting yourself on purpose." He said, giving
into his instincts a little and pulling himself up so he was kneeling between
Shaun's legs.
Shaun watched him with half lidded eyes. "I like to do it." He said softly as
if confessing an intimate secret.
Cautiously, Jesse moved closer until he was able to put his hands on Shaun's
knees. The other boy stiffened slightly, but his gaze was steady. He didn't
move.
"It hurts me to see you in pain."
Shaun didn't answer. Jesse, annoyed with his silence, pressed closer, moving
his hands up Shaun's thighs and placing them over his stomach.
"Can I see? Please?" He whispered.
"I don't know why you'd want to." Was all Shaun would say. "I'm disgusting."
Jesse shook his head as he pushed Shaun's shirt up. The other boy winced, but
he held still.
Shaun's skin was pasty white and covered in scars. Jesse wondered sadly how
often Shaun hurt himself.
The newest wound was covered in a neat medical bandage. He considered removing
it, but he didn't want to hurt the other boy. Instead, he leaned forward and
kissed it softly.
"Please don't cut yourself again." He whispered.
"I can't promise that." Shaun said, his voice tight.
Jesse sighed and slowly lowered Shaun's shirt. He rested his head in the other
boy's lap, wishing vaguely that Shaun would have promised, even if it was just
a lie.
Shaun hesitantly stroked Jesse's hair, shifting the silky locks through his
fingers.
They stayed like that for a while; at least until they heard the twins come
home from school. Jesse wanted Shaun to come up in his bed with him, but Shaun
refused again.
"We've been gay enough for one day." He grumbled, which was unexpectedly funny.
Then Shaun mentioned going home and it wasn't really all that amusing anymore.
"Stay with me." Jesse whined.
Shaun rolled his eyes. "Whatever. But I'm not sitting up here all night."
So, reluctantly, Jesse moved them downstairs.
Sam and the twins weren't downstairs. Jesse might have freaked out, but he
could hear the twins yelling outside. Playing. Jesse peeked out the window,
making sure they were alright out there.
They were playing soccer while Sam stood off to the side, looking bored. Jesse
was relieved he didn't have to talk to him.
"What do you want to do?" Jesse asked.
"Let's play that stupid game." Shaun said, to which Jesse raised an inquisitive
brow. "The guitar game with the Slayer song."
Jesse smiled and obliged.
They played video games, or rather Jesse played them and Shaun watched. They
were both fairly quiet, both of them trying to restore some sort of equilibrium
after everything that had happened recently.
It was starting to get late when Sam and the twins finally came in, followed by
Monica.
"You should know better than to let them play outside after dark." Monica was
saying to Sam. "And in the street! I almost hit Tyler!"
"Sorry." Sam grunted.
The twins, oblivious as usual, ran past Jesse and Shaun and upstairs to their
room. Sam paused in his halfhearted apology, looking angrily at Jesse.
"Why weren't you watching them?" Monica asked, walking up behind Jesse.
"Sorry, I wasn't thinking." Jesse excused himself, caught up in glaring back at
Sam. He hadn't even thought about the kids playing outside for over an hour.
Brian burst into the room suddenly. He was lugging his backpack and looked
sleepy and miserable, but when he saw Shaun he shouted: "Shaun!"
"Hey kid," Shaun said with a faint smile.
Brian hurried to Shaun's side and pulled himself up on the couch beside him.
"My teacher gave me candy today cause I fell during recess and scraped my
knees." He pointed to his knees which were indeed covered in brightly colored
band-aids. "Do you want some of my candy?"
"Ouch, kid. That looks like it hurt." Shaun, bless his heart, looked quite
concerned. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm tough like you." Brian smiled up at Shaun, cheerfully rifling
through his bag for the aforementioned candy. "This girl in my class was trying
to steal it from me, but I pushed her down because I wanted to save it for
you."
Shaun snorted. "Exactly what I would have done." He ruffled Brian's hair and
graciously accepted the offered piece of candy. Brian's whole face lit up.
Monica had disappeared back out to the car to get Lissa, but Jesse barely
noticed. He was so wrapped up in watching Shaun and Brian interact. They were
both unaware of his watchful gaze, but that was ok. Shaun was so incredibly
cute sometimes…
"Don't forget to make the kids something to eat." Monica said as she
reappeared, Lissa fussing in her arms. "And keep an eye on them." She said
firmly, handing the baby over.
"Alright!" Jesse put the controller aside. "Jeez." He muttered as Monica
quickly left again, back to the hospital.
"OK, little man, that's enough candy." Shaun said authoritatively. "Jesse's
going to make us something to eat."
Brian pouted as he sadly returned the little plastic bag of candy to his book
bag. As he sat back up though he suddenly brightened.
"Since I got hurt today, can I pick what we have for dinner?"
Jesse shrugged. "Ok, but not anything too unreasonable."
"Pancakes?"
"Sure, why not?" Jesse agreed, rolling his eyes.
Pancakes were a little harder to make than hotdogs and mac and cheese so Shaun
was given the arduous task of watching over both Lissa and Brian. Shaun was
noticeably uncomfortable holding Lissa, but he agreed to do it after a pleading
from Jesse.
"Hold her like…" Brian instructed, moving Shaun's arms into what he thought was
the correct position. He'd held the baby sometimes, so he was clearly an
expert. "Like that." Brian finished rearranging Lissa in Shaun's arms.
"Shut up, kid. I can do it myself." Shaun groused, bouncing Lissa against his
chest. He must have been imitating a move he'd seen Jesse perform.
"But you're doing it wrong...ah!"
Jesse glanced over his shoulder, smiling when he saw that Shaun had captured
Brian with his free arm and was holding both little kids in his lap now. Brian
giggled, kicking his feet ineffectively and when Lissa made to start crying
from all the commotion, Brian leaned over and kissed her on her forehead.
Lissa gave a watery smile and reached up to pat Shaun's cheek with her pudgy
hand. Heedless of Jesse's gaze on him, Shaun returned the baby's smile.
Jesse was surprisingly moved by the scene of domesticity.
Turning back to the stove he was annoyed to see that the first pancake had
burnt. Why did that always happen?
"Want the first one?" Jesse asked, flipping the half-burnt pancake onto a plate
for Brian. He was usually the only one who'd eat the burnt ones.
"Yeah!"
Shaun let Brian down as Jesse brought over the plate and the syrup. Brian got
into his own chair and started attacking his pancake, dumping massive amounts
of syrup on top.
"How many do you want?" Jesse asked Shaun, leaning his hip against the table.
He suddenly didn't want to move all the way across the kitchen again. He just
wanted to curl up in Shaun's lap.
"However many you're having." Shaun shrugged, clearly uncomfortable under
Jesse's scrutiny. But the fact that he was trying was rather sweet.
Before Jesse had consciously decided to do so, he was leaning down to kiss
Shaun lightly on the mouth. "Love you." He whispered against his lips.
Shaun didn't respond, but from the darkening of his gaze, Jesse knew that had
they been alone they probably would have ended up rutting against each other on
the floor like a couple of wild animals. Again…
Jesse couldn't find it in himself to be upset that they couldn't. Not with
little Brian eating his dinner, happily oblivious, and Lissa winding her
fingers through Shaun's frizzy hair and sticking them in her mouth contently.
Of course, he felt a little differently when Sam and the twins came down to
eat. The twins were awfully obnoxious lately, continually throwing offhand
insults at Shaun. Jesse suspected Sam was behind it. But the little brat wasn't
talking anymore so it was a little hard to blame him for anything.
Shaun usually got pissed off, but he didn't seem to care today. In fact, he
ignored the twins and Sam completely, spending the entirety of dinner talking
to Brian.
Afterwards, the twins and Sam went upstairs, as usual. The twins continued to
be incredibly rowdy, and Jesse was forced to yell up the stairs for them to
keep it down, because he and Shaun could barely hear the TV over the sound of
them playing a game.
"You shouldn't have given them sugar." Shaun noted, referring to the ridiculous
amounts of syrup everyone had consumed.
"Brian's fine." Jesse nodded to the blond toddler who was sitting contently
beside Shaun, watching the mindless action movie on TV with an open mouth.
"Besides, I think Sam's just egging them on. He's still upset with me."
Shaun glanced at him, his expression concerned. "Wasn't he always like that?"
Jesse shrugged. "Not really." He tried to feel bad or upset about his brother's
bratty behavior, but was too wrapped up in Shaun to care. Cautiously, he
scooted closer until there was no room between them and their thighs. He leaned
his head against Shaun's shoulder, snuggling into him like he'd used to before
he'd really understood all the confusing feelings he had for the other boy.
Shaun squirmed at Jesse's close contact, but he didn't move away. He grunted
when Jesse rubbed his arm, his hand trailing downwards until their fingers were
intertwining.
"Don't be so fucking gay." Shaun muttered, refusing to meet Jesse's gaze.
"I'm not." Jesse fought the urge to kiss Shaun's pink flushed cheek and settled
for enjoying the novelty of holding his hand.
For such an intimidating guy, Shaun was such a fucking pushover.
Grudgingly, he allowed Jesse to touch him and as he called it, 'be fucking
gay'. Once again, Jesse really wished they were alone in the room, that his
little sister wasn't in her bouncer chair 3 feet away, that Brian wasn't
sitting right next to them, that he couldn't hear Tyler and Allison bickering
upstairs.
"Are you coming to practice with me tomorrow?" Shaun asked suddenly.
Jesse smiled. "I can't believe you're actually asking me."
"Well, do you want to come or fucking not?"
"Yes, I want to come." Jesse replied, coaxing another blush out of Shaun.
Soon, much too soon for Jesse's liking, Monica came home. Suddenly, Shaun
wasn't feeling shy about pushing Jesse off him.
Jesse didn't mind. He didn't know how Monica would react to seeing him laying
the moves on a guy anyway.
Monica plucked Lissa up from her chair in one arm and Brian in the other and
headed upstairs to put them down for the night. Shaun and Jesse were left more
or less alone.
"I'll come pick you up." Shaun said just a tad awkwardly. "Tomorrow."
"You won't forget this time?" Jesse asked. He didn't want a repeat of last
week. In fact…"You could spend the night, you know. Or I could come over to
your house."
"No." Shaun said firmly. "I don't need you to look after me."
"It's not looking after you, I just want—"
"I know what you want." Shaun quickly cut him off, looking harassed.  "I'll
just see you tomorrow."
Jesse sighed. "Alright."
Shaun nodded and before Jesse could try to move in for a goodnight kiss, Shaun
was heading out the door.
Jesse sighed as he watched him go.
***
The next morning, Jesse woke up to an empty house.
There was a note on the kitchen counter explaining how Monica had taken
everyone to the store. Jesse breathed a sigh of relief.
As he ate a quick breakfast, Jesse considered going over to Shaun's house
early, but figured it wasn't a good idea.
When he was in the shower, washing his hair, he thought about visiting Shaun
again. And when he was jerking off, aiming his spray of come at the back wall
of the shower stall, he thought about it again.
It was a slow morning without anyone to distract him. He tried to go back to
sleep, but he just kept thinking about Shaun and how awesome it was that he was
going to get to see him play his guitar again. Maybe soon they could start up
the impromptu lessons again.
He was lying in his bed staring at the ceiling and vaguely remembering the way
Shaun looked when he played – intense and beautiful – when there was a knock on
the front door.
Elated, Jesse rushed downstairs, thinking Shaun had come much earlier than he'd
hoped and he skidded to a stop, wrenching the door open.
"Hi." Kyle smirked at the look of surprise Jesse wore. "Not expecting me, huh?"
"Er…no." Jesse answered honestly, though he still held the door open for the
other boy. He had to talk to him anyway.
"So, what happened last night?" Kyle asked, moving into the living room and
looking around casually. "Care to kiss and tell?"
Jesse shut his mouth. There was no way he was going to tell Kyle anything else.
"Kyle, you know how Shaun would feel if I started telling you stuff about his
uh…personal life."
"Yes. He'd hate that, wouldn't he?"
"Yeah." Jesse rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. "I don't want
to betray his trust…again."
"But we're all friends here, Jess." Kyle said reasonably. "I care about Shaun
just as much as you do."
"He doesn't like you." Jesse blurted, feeling bad immediately after.
"Clearly, he doesn't know what he likes." Kyle said.
Jesse didn't know what to think about that. Was that supposed to be in insult?
"Yeah, but he's specifically told me to stay away from you."
"And yet, here we are." Kyle made a broad sweeping gesture to include the two
of them, as well as their tremulous conversation.
Jesse sighed. This was pointless. "I just wanted to ask you not to…tell Shaun
about anything we've discussed this past week." The redhead stepped closer to
the other boy, earnestness shining in his eyes. "I don't want him to think I'm
spreading rumors or anything."
"You know I wouldn't tell anyone about you and Shaun." Kyle said with a
straight face. "I know it's private."
"Well, ok, but I don't want Shaun to know I was talking to you about him. He'd
freak out."
"Hmm."
That was hardly the iron clad promise Jesse had been looking for, but it would
have to do. Not really knowing what else to do, Jesse offered Kyle a seat.
"Thanks." Kyle smiled brilliantly at the offer and gracefully sprawled back on
the couch. Jesse sat gingerly on the other end, trying not to look too
impatient.
"So, you're not going to tell me anything that went on last night?"
"Er…nothing happened." Jesse said awkwardly.
"Come on. He was spitting mad when he saw I was visiting you. He's jealous."
Kyle said excitedly.
"I ah…I guess." Jesse had even suggested himself that Shaun was jealous of
Kyle, though the fact that Kyle had picked up on it made Jesse feel kind of
embarrassed. "Not that there's anything to be jealous of."
"No, of course not." Kyle stared Jesse down, until the little redhead had to
look away in discomfort. "Did he fuck you? You look like you got fucked."
"I do?!" Jesse cried, looking up wildly. Was there a way to tell? And why did
he look 'fucked' when he hadn't even gotten to touch Shaun's erection?
Kyle laughed. "I'm just joking with you, Jesse. It's not often that I get to
shoot the shit with a fellow fag."
"Oh." Jesse said stupidly, trying to figure out if Kyle had been bluffing or
not.
"I'm not here to hurt you, honey. I'm here to help you." Kyle said, suddenly
becoming quite serious. "I'm your friend."
And strangely, Jesse did want to tell Kyle what was going on. This was all so
new and strange and he couldn't talk to anyone about it, because nobody would
understand. But yet, someone did understand. And he was sitting in Jesse's
living room, prompting him to spill everything that was on his mind.
"I just…" Jesse began.
"Yes?" Kyle leaned forward, ready to listen.
Jesse sighed, he couldn't betray Shaun's trust by blabbing everything to Kyle.
Plus, he kind of wanted to keep their fragile relationship a secret and as much
as he might need the advice he wasn't up for divulging the private details. Not
just yet.
"Nothing."
Kyle was visibly disappointed. "Alright." He said slowly. "Maybe later."
Jesse nodded. "Yeah. Maybe later."
Kyle left soon after, somewhat disgruntled, but Jesse didn't care. He knew he
was doing the right thing.
***** Chapter 8 *****
Chapter Eight
Unaccountably nervous, Shaun took an hour-long shower before he deemed himself
ready to pick Jesse up.
He felt so fucking dirty. His hair was a mess, as usual. None of his clothes
were clean. The bandaging under his shirt was crusty and gross.
He could fix that though.
"Can you re-bandage my stitches?" Shaun grunted at Eli.
The old man was reading the paper in the living room. He slowly put it down and
glanced at Shaun.
"Really?"
Eli had spent the last few days nagging Shaun about keeping his stitches clean,
though Shaun hadn't wanted to listen. He hadn't cared.
But now…now that Jesse had confessed his stupid gay love, things were a little
different. Or at least they felt different. Shaun suddenly felt like he should
be taking care of himself. Especially when he remembered Jesse's nimble fingers
touching his wounded stomach with reverence, kissing it with his soft pink
lips…
"Alright." Eli followed Shaun into the bathroom and patted the edge of the
counter. Shaun jumped up, ignoring the twinge of pain the careless movement
caused.
"So, I'm guessing last night went well?" Eli said casually as he peeled the old
bandage off and started dabbing at the nasty red line of stitches with a cotton
ball.
"What do you mean?" Shaun snapped. He didn't like the insinuation or the
satisfied look on Eli's face.
"Well, you've been moping around here all week, but now you're going out again.
Right after a visit to your little…friend."
Shaun really didn't like that. "So, what?" He said testily.
"Shaun." Eli sighed, glancing up at the sullen boy. "I know what happened. You
told me, remember?"
Shaun remembered telling the old man about his stupid and ill-fated kiss with
Jesse. Of course, he did. But he'd been avoiding the subject of it ever since.
Eli had tried to talk about it once or twice, but Shaun had gone into a rage
whenever it was mentioned. The fact that he was sitting calmly – for him anyway
– as they discussed 'the kiss' was probably a dead giveaway that something had
happened.
"You know I won't tell anybody." Eli said with a chuckle. He'd finished
cleaning the stitches and put the prescribed medicine on next. It was supposed
to lessen the likelihood of a scar and speed up the healing process, but Shaun
hadn't been using it.
"I'm just going to practice. Like I always do." Shaun grumbled.
"And is Jesse coming along as well?" Shaun glared at the top of the older man's
head until Eli straightened up, grinning. "Sorry. You know I can't help it."
Shaun jumped down off the counter before Eli could put on a bandage. He stormed
back to his room where he could finish patching himself up.
"I'm sorry." Eli said outside Shaun's room. Shaun ignored him. "I didn't mean
to make you uncomfortable."
"I'm not uncomfortable!" Shaun shouted, poking himself in the stomach as he
attempted to gently apply a new bandage. He hurriedly finished.
"I just want you to know that we can talk about anything. Anything at all." Eli
was saying. "You don't have to be embarrassed about—"
"Shut up!" Shaun yelled, bursting through his door and nearly knocking Eli
backwards. He felt stupid just standing there, glaring at his now disheveled
grandfather, so he quickly turned to leave the house. It was earlier than he'd
previously planned, but he'd rather put up with Jesse's bullshit than with an
interrogation. Of course, there weren't a lot of things that Shaun would rather
do when it came to Jesse…
Fuck. Shaun just couldn't believe how faggy he sounded lately. Even in his own
head.
It didn't take long to make the trek to Jesse's place and soon he was knocking
on the door, barely restraining himself from pounding at it in frustration and
impatience.
"Shaun!" Jesse cried when he opened the front door. He stepped aside quickly,
inviting the other boy in wordlessly. Shaun fidgeted with his calloused hands
and with a sigh, he came into the living room and moved to stand uncomfortably
in the middle of the room.
"Sorry, I'm so early—"
"Don't be sorry." Jesse plastered himself to Shaun's side, standing on his
tiptoes to kiss the side of his lips. "I'm glad you're here."
"Jesse…" Shaun closed his eyes and tried to ignore the little coil of happiness
that wound itself around his heart at the casual affection. "Stop touching me."
Jesse pouted adorably, but he released Shaun as ordered.
"Good." Shaun nodded. He felt much more…stable when Jesse wasn't touching him.
Last night had been…uncomfortable and strange and yes, wonderful, but Shaun
didn't know what to think of it.
Besides Jesse, his only other sexual encounter had been with a drunk chick so
he didn't have a lot of experience, and he didn't really know if it was normal
to feel this way. Plus, Jesse was a guy, so everything he thought he knew about
sex turned out to be pretty much useless.
But Jesse had come just from Shaun's hand wrapping around his clothed erection.
He'd whimpered and moaned when Shaun had kissed him, and licked and bit his
throat. Could it be Shaun was a natural at making guys feel good?
Shaun was deeply disturbed by that notion and figured it was best to stop
thinking about it.
"Let's get going." He said instead
The ride to Will's place was long, though not as boring as it usually was.
Neither boy had much to say, but Jesse was busily engaged in his newfound
pastime of clinging desperately to Shaun.
The front seat of the Eli's Ford had a bench seat, so there was nothing
stopping the redhead from sitting as close to Shaun as humanly possible. During
the first few miles, Shaun complained and elbowed Jesse, making up excuses for
why Jesse needed to sit back on his side of the car, but he'd kept pushing and
whining and pouting until he was allowed to lean his head on Shaun's shoulder.
He wrapped his arms around Shaun's middle without asking.
"Are you always this fucking gay?" Shaun wondered aloud. Jesse had been lying
against his side for the past 15 minutes, breathing in his clean scent with a
smile.
Shaun found himself quickly becoming uncomfortable.
"Hmm?" Jesse muttered groggily, as if he'd just woken from a pleasant dream. He
hugged Shaun around his middle, careful to miss the stitches, but he didn't sit
up. "I've never been gay before and I'm not gay now, really."
Shaun rolled his eyes. "Whatever, but when you were talking with that bitch
Emily, I didn't see you hanging off her like this." He said.
"Hmm." Jesse said again, pausing to think. "I guess…well, I guess I never felt
the need to hold onto anyone before. I like to do it to you, though, because it
reminds me you're safe."
"Safe?" Shaun spat. "Why would you worry about me being safe? I'm perfectly
fine!"
"I worry about you all the time." Jesse said. "I can't help it. I mean, I've
said it before, but I don't think I've ever really been in…love…with anyone
before." Jesse said softly, burying his face in Shaun's shoulder right after.
Shaun blushed bright red at that admission. Jesse was only clingy and
affectionate with him. Jesse had only ever loved him. What a strange thing for
someone to say in reference to Shaun…
"That's alright then." He said awkwardly after a moment. "I guess."
"So glad you approve." Jesse muttered.
Feeling like an idiot, Shaun dropped a kiss onto Jesse's silky auburn hair. He
felt slightly better when the other boy sighed with contentment.
When they pulled up outside Will's place, Shaun gently extracted himself from
Jesse's grip.
"You know the drill." He said firmly. "No gay stuff in front of the band. Or in
front of anyone, really."
"Yeah, ok." Jesse pouted as he agreed, obviously against his will. Together
they unloaded Shaun's guitar and amp and made their way up the front walk.
Shaun didn't bother knocking and walked right in, Jesse trailing him
uncertainly. If Will didn't want people coming in unannounced he should lock
his door.
Will was lounging on the couch drinking a beer when they came in, which wasn't
surprising. However, the fact that Ben was sitting next to him was.
"Hey." Ben called cheerfully, his gaze flitting from Shaun to Jesse. He smiled,
clearly glad to see them.
"Oh great." Will grunted. "Why the fuck did you jackoffs all decide to come so
fucking early?"
Shaun was about to answer, something sarcastic and sly, but Ben beat him to it.
"I told you." He started defensively. "Angela went out of town with her
sister."
"I wasn't talking to you, dumbass." Will said. He crushed his beer can in his
fist and burped. "I'm going to run across the street and pick up some shit from
Kelly. You guys sit tight for a while."
"Whatever." Shaun sneered, clearing out of the way as Will moved to get out the
front door.
"And you brought your boyfriend, too." He muttered as he passed. "Great."
Shaun glared after at Will's retreating figure and happened to catch the
pleased little smile on Jesse's face when he did.
Jesse kept acting so fucking gay and cheerful all the time and Shaun was really
getting sick of it. To wipe the smile off his face, he shoved his guitar into
Jesse's already overladen arms and ordered him to take everything into the
garage.
It didn't dampen Jesse's spirits at all much to Shaun's frustration. Jesse
beamed at him before hauling Shaun's stuff into the other room.
Shaking his head, Shaun moved to the couch and sat down. Then he noticed Ben
was staring at him.
"What?"
"Nothing."
Jesse was back already, jumping onto the couch and forcing his way between
Shaun and Ben. "Hi." He said cheerfully, turning all his attention to Ben.
"How's it going?"
"Oh, are you two buddies now?" Shaun sneered.
"Yeah." Ben and Jesse said together, grinning at one another. Shaun scoffed.
The two new friends started chatting, talking in the same casual back and forth
kind of way that Shaun was incapable of. First, they covered music, which was a
subject Shaun knew a lot about, though he chose to remain silent. Then they
moved on to sports, which might have been spoken in another language for all
Shaun understood. By the time they were talking about girls, girlfriends in
particular, Shaun had moved into the kitchen to swipe some beer.
"Are you ok?" Jesse asked, suddenly concerned when Shaun came back into the
room, gloomily sipping at his beer.
"Perfect." Shaun grunted and he sat back down. Shaun was so tired of being
constantly asked if he was 'ok'. To further annoy him, Jesse scooted closer,
filling the small space that the sullen boy had purposefully left between them.
"Are you sure?" He asked again, laying his hand high on Shaun's thigh.
"Yes!" Shaun shoved Jesse away, glaring at him furiously. No touching! He tried
to convey with a nasty look.
Jesse sulked and looked like he was going to challenge Shaun's rule when the
front door banged open and Will returned. He looked pleased, so Shaun figured
he'd done well with his drug dealer.
No drugs were given out just then, however. Will, surprisingly, did have
standards and he insisted that everyone be somewhat sober for practice.
The four of them hung out, or rather Jesse, Ben and Will hung out and Shaun
glowered at them, until Danny arrived and practice began.
Will announced their next gig, another shitty bar about an hour and a half from
Shaun's house. It wouldn't be until Tuesday night and since everyone was so
busy with work and school, in Shaun's case, tonight would have to be their only
pre-show practice.
"So everybody better play fucking good." Will said warningly, his gaze
flickering to Shaun meaningfully.
Shaun gave the older boy a haughty look, his fingers restlessly flexing over
the fretboard of his guitar. He was anxious to begin playing and all the
warnings were just making him want to play all the more. Fuck Will for being
such a douchebag.
Finally, they started up. Shaun was able to get lost in the music easily,
forgetting about Jesse sitting across the room, staring at him with wide amazed
eyes.
Shaun knew he was good. He just needed to get out of here, out of this shithole
of a town and he was sure he could make it big.
He wasn't concerned with being famous, or even rich, but he wanted to be
recognized. He wanted people to know that he was good for something.
Jesse thinks you're pretty good…
Shaun's eyes snapped open at the random thought. He glanced over at his
friend…meeting his pretty blue eyes. Jesse stared at him, his lips curving
upward in a slow and sensual smile.
Shaun was embarrassed to feel his cock perk up with interest at the smile and
he looked away quickly, trying to get lost in the music again.
Jesse didn't know what he was asking with that smile, Shaun thought bitterly.
Jesse didn't know the thoughts that he inspired when he touched Shaun, when he
snuggled up to him, when he kissed him…
Shaun had always had unusual thoughts and longings. He knew they made him more
of a freak, but he honestly couldn't help himself.
That whole week after their first kiss Shaun hadn't been able to stop thinking
about how appealing Jesse was when he cried. It had spurred all these sick
fantasies of all the different ways he could make sweet little Jesse cry and
screw his face up in pain.
Some fantasies were basic, such as the not so horrible longing to fuck Jesse
slowly, wanting to fill his – no doubt virgin-tight – ass with his thick cock
as Jesse cried out with mixed pain and helpless pleasure.
He also thought about drawing decorative lines on Jesse's skin with the tip of
his knife, reveling in Jesse's moans, and smearing his slick red blood across
the pale expanse of his body.
So Jesse said he loved Shaun? Well that was sweet, because Shaun wanted to
watch Jesse bleed, cry and scream Shaun's name. Shaun already thought he was
horrible for being attracted to a boy, but he also had disgusting longings to
go along with his attraction.
Shaun was convinced he didn't deserve someone as sweet as Jesse.
"That was pretty good." Will said as practice came to an end. Shaun took his
guitar off, his eyes sliding shut as he reached over his head to stretch out
his back.
Behind him Will and Danny were talking about going to the bar and Ben chimed in
that he was coming along as well.
"You guys coming too?" Will asked.
Shaun opened his eyes, nearly gasping when he realized that Jesse was standing
right in front of him, just a few inches away. Jesse was staring up at him, his
mouth curved into a wry smile.
"Yeah, we're coming." Jesse answered for them, his eyes never leaving Shaun's
face.
Luckily, nobody seemed to notice how fucking gay they were being. Unless one
counted Ben, who smirked as he left the garage, elbowing Jesse conspiratorially
when he passed.
"You're really hot when you play." Jesse said suddenly, licking his lips.
"Fuck you." Shaun glanced around the room, extremely glad to see they were
alone.
"It's true." Jesse stepped closer, one arm going around Shaun's waist and the
other hooking around his neck. Jesse's fingers slipped smoothly through Shaun's
sweaty mop of hair. "You look like pure sex."
"Jesse…" Shaun started warningly. He tried to twist out of Jesse's grasp, but
the other boy held fast.
"Kiss me, jerk." Jesse said softly.
Shaun huffed, but he stopped struggling. Jesse's blue eyes looked up at him
longingly and he found he couldn't resist Jesse's demand. He grabbed Jesse's
hips and yanked his slim, little body flush to own.
Jesse rubbed himself against Shaun's thigh, moaning wantonly. Both his arms
were around his neck now, trying to pull Shaun down further so he could thrust
his hot little tongue into his mouth.
"Fuck…" Shaun groaned. This boy was going to be the fucking death of him… He
kissed Jesse's soft, pink lips desperately and stroked his velvety cheek with
his fingers.
Jesse opened his mouth and their tongues slid together wetly. He trembled in
Shaun's arms and made the sweetest little noises Shaun had ever heard.
He gripped Jesse tight and sucked his juicy bottom lip into his mouth, his cock
growing hard in his jeans--
"Are you guys coming or what?!" Danny yelled from the other room, much too
close for comfort.
Shaun shoved Jesse off of him immediately, wiping the back of his hand across
his mouth. He didn't even look at the little redhead as he rushed out of the
room. He barely had the competency to walk, there was no way he could look at
the object of his desire right now.
"C'mon then." Will said as Shaun joined the others in the living room. He gave
Shaun a weird look, but didn't seem too concerned.
Ben was grinning at him though, especially when Shaun felt Jesse come up behind
him.
Fortunately, Jesse didn't try anything, he moved up to stand next to Shaun,
looking suspiciously disheveled, but cheerful. Shaun blushed and tried not to
look anyone in the eye...
***
Since it was Saturday night, the bar was packed.
The five of them found a table in the back of the room and Ben went up to get
the drinks while the rest of them sat around talking.
Jesse had managed to rope Will into a conversation about his old band, a topic
which always got Will interested. Danny sat faithfully by Will's side,
frequently interjecting and adding to Will's tale as if Will couldn't tell the
story of his life on his own.
Jesse listened with a silly smile on his face, laughing in all the appropriate
places and running his hand up and down Shaun's thigh under the table.
Shaun might have tried to stop him if it hadn't felt so good. Also, he didn't
want to make a scene…
Ben appeared next to Shaun, carrying several bottles of beer. Shaun snatched
one out of Ben's hand and started gulping it down. Ben smirked at him as he sat
down.
"Stop it." Shaun grunted.
"Stop what?"
Beside him Jesse continued to absently grope his leg, laughing at something
funny Will had just said. Both Will and Danny were being their usual loud and
obnoxious selves, or else Shaun never would have said what he did just then.
"I get it, alright?" Shaun said gruffly, glaring down at the table as he spoke
to Ben. "You obviously know me and Jesse are…"
"Dating?" Ben suggested when Shaun paused, trying to think of the right words
to describe his relationship with the other boy.
"No!" Shaun looked up quickly, glancing over at the three idiots talking
obliviously to his left before he turned back to Ben. "No." He said much
quieter. "We're just friends"
"Dude." Ben snorted. "Do you think I'm stupid or something?"
"Fuck you."
"No. Really. Jesse wouldn't shut up about you last week, he could barely take
his eyes off you." Uncomfortable, Shaun shot another look in Jesse's direction,
making sure that neither he nor Will and Danny were listening in. They weren't.
"And now…" Ben's eyes flickered down to Shaun's lap where Jesse's hand was
still stroking his leg. Shaun shifted slightly, wanting to push Jesse away, but
not wanting to draw more attention,
"We're not fucking dating." Shaun said firmly.
"You know I don't care, right?" Ben said, pausing as he smiled over Shaun's
head at the little redhead. "He's cute."
Shaun hadn't changed his mind any. He still didn't want anyone to know that he
was fucking around with Jesse. The entire thing was so incredibly gay and he
didn't want anyone to think less of him because of it. But maybe he didn't mind
if Ben knew…
It probably had something to do with the fact that before Jesse, Ben had been
the closest he'd ever come to having a real, honest to god friend. And it
seemed as if Ben were taking this opportunity to become even more so, too.
"Can we just get really drunk and not talk about this anymore?" Shaun asked,
feeling surprisingly insecure all of a sudden.
"Yeah." Ben grabbed his beer, taking a long drink. "Let's do that."
After a while Ben and Shaun migrated up to the bar to further their venture.
Shaun was questioned once or twice by the bartender, but Ben had a legitimate
ID and really, nobody in this shit town cared if a minor got drunk.
When their drinks arrived, they put their heads together and talked band stuff.
Shaun shared a few of his new song ideas, something he'd have to run past Will
first if he wanted anything to become of them. Shaun complained about that too,
saying he was a better songwriter than Will, hands down!
Ben snorted into his drink.
"I should be bandleader." Shaun said with a stupid grin.
Ben raised his glass and cheered drunkenly. Shaun had a feeling he was being
mocked, but let it slide.
Ben got stupid when he drank.
It was then that Shaun felt an arm come around his lower back. He jumped and
turned and looked around wildly, thinking he was being accosted.
It was only Jesse though.
"Hey." The redhead rubbed Shaun's back through his shirt a little and Shaun
stiffened with discomfort. Jesse stopped as soon as he'd started, but Shaun
still wondered if anyone had seen them touching so intimately.
Jesse had ended up sticking around Will's and Danny's table, though he'd looked
longingly after Shaun when he'd left with Ben. He must have finally managed to
slip away from the others.
"Are you real drunk?" Jesse asked sweetly.
"Ah… yeah." Shaun said vaguely into his fifth drink of the night. He didn't
even know what he was drinking anymore. Ben had started him out on beer and
then he'd started getting fancy, ordering some blue drink, then a couple of
shots, and now it was something 'on the rocks'.
Ben laughed beside him. "Don't give me that look, Jess. I'm just trying
to…loosen him up! I'm not trying to take advantage of your boyfriend—"
"Dude!" Shaun hissed. "Shut up about the 'boyfriend' thing!"
"Oops!" Ben slapped a hand over his mouth, giggling.
"Yeah. Shut up, Ben." Jesse scolded halfheartedly. He wasn't helping though, he
didn't even bother to sit at the empty bar stool next to Shaun's, he just
leaned against his side, looking up at Shaun through his pretty lashes.
"Where'd Will and Danny go?" Shaun asked suddenly, knowing he couldn't let his
guard down when the other half of the band was hanging around somewhere.
"Chatting up some chick." Jesse nodded towards the back. "Don't worry." He
said, resting his head against Shaun's shoulder.
"I'm not worried." Shaun said through his teeth. "Just get off me."
Jesse sighed and got on his own bar stool. When he ordered another beer, the
bartender didn't look pleased, but he brought Jesse his drink anyway.
Ben was quick to engage the redhead in a friendly discussion that Shaun had no
interest in. He listened to Jesse's voice, though. It was warm and nice,
familiar.
After another drink, courtesy of Jesse this time, Shaun had to get up to use
the bathroom.
"Gotta piss." He told Jesse as he slid off his stool.
"Oh, me too." Jesse said and he jumped up and followed along.
Shaun really should have been suspicious of Jesse's motivations, but he'd never
worried about the sort of things he and his gay lover might get up to if they
went to the bathroom together. He didn't even think of it.
As was protocol, Shaun went straight to the urinal when he entered the grungy,
dim bathroom. He didn't look in Jesse's direction, and he most certainly didn't
look towards the balding middle-aged man who was shaking off and tucking
himself away.
Shaun got to the urge urinal and unzipped his pants. He relieved himself,
sighing under his breath. Out of the corner of his eye, he noted that the older
man was washing his hands now a day getting ready to leave. After a few
seconds, the water turned off and then a few seconds later, the bathroom door
opened and closed.
Shaun and Jesse were now alone in the bathroom.
Where was Jesse anyway?
"Shit." Shaun gasped as arms wrapped around him from behind.
"It's really big." Jesse said in a breathy voice and slowly, his hand traveled
down Shaun's abdomen and slid over his rapidly hardening cock.
"Fuck!" By this point, Shaun had finished pissing, but the surprise – horror –
of being grabbed while in the bathroom was more than enough motivation to get
him riled up. "What the fuck are you doing!"
"I want to touch you." Jesse said shyly, pressing his face against Shaun's
back.
Disturbed, but also highly turned on, Shaun turned around as he zipped his
pants up. He figured he'd just ignore his erection, but already that was going
over with very little success… He had a tent in his jeans!
"We're not doing this." He said severely, blushing profusely.
"C'mon. I want to—"
"I don't fucking care what you want!" Shaun snapped. "We can't fuck around in
the men's bathroom!"
Jesse rolled his eyes. "Can too."
"Fuck you." Shaun went to wash his hands out of a simple need for distraction.
"I'm not going to get caught in here by some drunk redneck."
"That's why they have stalls, babe."
Surprised by the endearment and trying not to show it, Shaun sneered
halfheartedly.
"You know a lot about gay lia-liaisons…do you?" Shaun asked aggressively.
Jesse ignored Shaun's sour attitude. He smiled sweetly, catching Shaun off
guard again. "C'mere." He said softly and then he gently took Shaun's hand.
Feeling helpless, Shaun allowed Jesse to lead him into the stall against the
back wall and then he watched as the little redhead latched the door shut
behind them. Once they were hidden from view, Jesse turned to eye Shaun with a
feral look.
"You're so fucking hot." He hissed before he launched himself into Shaun's
arms.
It was really hard to believe Jesse wasn't gay when he so clearly enjoyed
tongue fucking Shaun's mouth. His arms went up and around Shaun's neck, pulling
him closer as he moaned like a wanton little bitch into his mouth.
Of course, Shaun wasn't as unaffected as he tried to be. Having Jesse's lithe
body squirming against his own was making it impossible not to react.
Barely even aware of the unconscious decision to do so, Shaun pushed Jesse up
against the cold metal of the stall's wall, his hands coming up to tangle in
Jesse's soft hair.
Jesse grunted at the rough treatment, but he continued to kiss Shaun heatedly.
His arms fell from around Shaun's neck, one going around his waist and the
other moving to cup Shaun's erection.
Shaun gasped and Jesse eagerly palmed his cock. Even through his jeans, Shaun
could feel every one of Jesse's nimble little fingers pressing into his shaft.
He kissed Jesse hard and ground against him desperately. He didn't really know
what to do, he just gave into his body's urges. He slid his tongue deep inside
the other boy’s mouth, wanting to taste him.
Jesse made all kinds of soft, little sounds while his mouth was plundered and
Shaun got a few more out of him when he switched from kissing his supple lips
to biting them.
Jesse groaned, pulling away slightly. "Shaun…?"
"Shut up, you're the one who wanted this." Shaun snapped, embarrassed that he
was getting off so strongly from so little. "Take your pants off." He said
quickly, feeling flustered and confused and completely unsure of himself, but
he knew what needed to come next.
Jesse licked his swollen bottom lip and nodded. He unzipped his jeans and
pulled them halfway down.
Shaun was too embarrassed to look at Jesse's exposed lower half, even though he
really wanted to. Really, it all came down to the fact that he was painfully
erect in front of a half-naked boy and that he knew if he were using even just
a modicum of his intelligence he'd be horrified with himself.
But then again, Shaun didn't hang around Jesse because the other boy made him
smarter.
Shoving his thoughts aside, Shaun turned Jesse so his cheek pressed against the
graffiti-ridden wall and his rounded ass stuck out behind him.
Looking at and being attracted to a cock was gay and thus wrong in Shaun's
eyes. But everyone had an ass, right? So it wasn't really all that gay to like
looking at Jesse's perky asscheeks.
They were perfect pink mounds of flesh with a deep crease in between. The
mounds looked like they'd fit perfectly into Shaun's hands…
"You're not gonna fuck me…are you?" Jesse whimpered, looking over his shoulder.
Shaun's cock jumped at the pathetic question, letting him know that it was
perfectly ok with coming untouched down his pants again like some fucking
idiot.
"Shut up." He unzipped his jeans and spit in his hand, slicking his cock
aggressively. Jesse tried to watch, but Shaun leaned in and kissed the side of
his swollen, red lips. Jesse moaned and Shaun forced his face around and
captured his lips between his own.
Despite the redhead's reluctance, the kiss got him interested again. He tried
to twist in the awkward position, but was restrained by Shaun's weight from
behind. There was no way Shaun was going to fuck him here, in a dingy bathroom,
but he found he couldn't resist Jesse's pretty ass when it was so pertly
presented.
Shaun's mouth left Jesse's, their mingled saliva leaving a shiny wet trail down
the side of the redhead's flushed cheek… He grunted and pushed his ass back
into Shaun's groin, and taking the naïve offer, Shaun pressed his wet cock
between his thighs.
"Mmmm." Jesse sighed, instinctively squeezing his legs tighter together as
Shaun started to thrust. "Ah fuck." He sucked in a gasp as Shaun's cock rubbed
hard against his perineum.
Shaun molded himself against Jesse's backside, more or less dry humping the
space between his thighs and his tight asscheeks. He wrapped one arm around
Jesse's slim waist and the other went up to twist in his hair. He tugged on
Jesse's hair, forcing him to arch his neck so he could suck his throat.
"Shaun…" Jesse gasped, his voice high pitched and needy. His hand frantically
sought out his own erect cock, squeezing it tightly.
Shaun had been attempting to ignore the fact that Jesse was a boy. Not thinking
about his dick, trying not to look at it, not touching it, but when Jesse
shuddered with pleasure under him, he suddenly just didn't care anymore.
Slamming his hips hard into Jesse's sweet little ass, he reached around and
smacked Jesse's hand away from his cock.
"Ah!" Jesse cried out as Shaun wrapped his own hand around Jesse's length and
started pulling aggressively.
It didn't feel nearly as weird as he'd expected it too. It was a lot like
jacking himself off – if his cock was a few inches shorter, that was. Plus, it
made Jesse feel good.
"Oh god…ah!" Jesse moaned loudly, his cock twitching in Shaun's hand. He turned
his head suddenly, gasping. "Kiss me."
Their lips met sloppily, their teeth clicked together, but it was still
perfect.
"Fuck!" Jesse shoved his ass back, clenching his thighs together painfully
tight as he came all over the stall and Shaun's hand. It was also the exact
moment that the bathroom door opened and the tiny room was filled with familiar
voices.
"She's a total skank, dude." Danny said as he came into the room.
Shaun froze, utterly horrified, but Jesse gasped and then quickly slapped a
hand over his mouth as if he could take the noise back.
Luckily, Danny and Will were too wrapped up in themselves to notice.
"I know. I want the blond, though." Will said matter-of-factly. There was the
faint sound of a zipper being undone and then piss hitting porcelain.
"Fuck that! That other chick, what's-her-name is falling down drunk!"
"Exactly! I'm such a good guy, I'd give my best friend the easy girl." Will
laughed.
"She'll probably puke on me before she decides to give me a blowjob."
Shaun had been standing perfectly still, wondering if he was about to be
discovered in a compromising position, and mentally going through all the
things he'd have to say to make this look like some sort of misunderstanding.
However, Jesse had decided they were no longer in danger and he carefully
turned around.
"Just fuck her then. I can't tell the difference between a drunk cunt and a
sober one." Will was saying on the other side of the room, but Shaun was
rapidly losing his concentration. Jesse was standing just inches in front of
him now, looking down at his flagging erection. However, it perked right up
again with Jesse's heated look.
"I wanted a blowjob. Work's been a bitch lately and I wanted some tongue
action." Danny whined.
"What are you doing?" Shaun whispered, almost mouthed. The look on Jesse's face
was making him really uncomfortable.
"What are you five?" The sound of the water running at the sink signaled that
they were almost in the clear. They were almost safe.
"Five-year-olds don't have dicks like mine." Danny bragged, getting a laugh out
of Will.
Wordlessly, Jesse wrapped his hand around Shaun's cock. Shaun was embarrassed
to be seen like this, helplessly turned on, half naked, and with nowhere to go.
He was completely trapped and there was nothing he could do when Jesse started
to rub his cock.
"Speaking of dicks…" Danny continued on the other side of the stall. "Where's
Shaun?"
"Dude, I don't know. I think he's fucking Jesse." Will snorted.
Jesse's eyes snapped to Shaun's face and the two of them gazed wide-eyed at one
another.
"You think so?" Danny asked, his voice mercifully moving away from the spot
where Shaun and Jesse stood huddled together. "You think they're fags?"
"I doubt it." Will's voice followed Danny's across the room. "I mean, even if
Jesse was a Nancy, he'd pick someone better than Shaun to fuck. I mean, we're
in a band and we can't even get Shaun laid."
"Heh, I guess." The bathroom door opened and the rest of Danny's response was
cut off as they left the room.
"Fuck them." Jesse said quickly, his cheeks flushed. He was still attempting to
jerk Shaun's cock off, but he had gone soft over the last few moments of
eavesdropping.
Shaun, now completely pissed off, at the situation, at Will and Danny, at Jesse
for making him do this, was more than ready to just get this over with.
He used some toilet paper to clean his hand off and then not wanting to waste
any more time, he pulled his jeans up and fastened them quickly, turning to
leave.
"Fuck you, Jesse." He said angrily when the other boy tried to touch his arm on
his way out. "I told you I didn't want to do this."
Jesse didn't try to stop him as he left the stall in a huff, not even curious
as to whether or not Jesse was following his example.
"Hey, you're finally back."
Shaun grunted, sitting back at his seat at the bar. He wished Jesse had never
come and bothered him. At least his drink was still where he'd left it. He
picked it up, draining it in a single swallow.
"Dude, what's wrong now? I thought you were getting some." Ben said, waggling
his eyebrows.
Shaun slammed his empty glass down, shattering it and sending little bits of
glass all over the bar top.
"What the fuck!" Ben jumped, staring at Shaun in surprise.
"Why don't you just keep your goddamn mouth shut!" Shaun said angrily, his eyes
wild.
Ben swallowed and shut his mouth.
"Fuck…" Shaun grunted under his breath, pushing away the broken glass. His hand
was cut pretty badly, not that he cared, but he was bleeding all over the
place.
"What's going on over here?" The fat middle-aged bartender asked, finally
making his way to their side of the room. He glared distastefully at Shaun's
mess. "Are we going to have a problem buddy?" He asked scathingly.
"No." Shaun scowled and he got up so he wouldn't have to look at the stern-
faced bartender anymore. "I'm going outside." He told Ben, just in case anyone
gave a damn. He exited the bar and did just that, breathing in the fresh night
air with some relief.
He started to wipe his hand on his jeans, just wanting to clean himself up so
he didn't look like such a fucking idiot, but the door opened behind him and
Jesse appeared.
"There you are." The redhead said, sounding relieved.
"Leave me alone." Shaun snapped. He knew Jesse wouldn't follow his orders
however, so he turned his back on him and started to walk from the bar, along
the cracked sidewalk. They were only a few blocks away from Will's house. He
could clean up there, he supposed.
"Are you really that upset about what Will said?" Jesse called after him,
making him cringe. "You're so sensitive, sometimes."
"I'm not sensitive!"
"Yes, you are." Jesse said.
Shaun grunted and continued walking, balling his injured hand up and putting it
in his pocket. At least Jesse couldn't see it.
"I didn't tell Ben we were leaving." Jesse said from right behind him after a
few moments of walking in silence. Shaun wasn't surprised to find the smaller
boy following him, though he was surely not pleased.
"So?"
"I don't know. It might have been nice to let them know, I guess."
"They're not my goddamn keepers. They can go fuck themselves!" Shaun snapped.
Jesse moved up beside him finally, putting his hand on Shaun's arm. "I know
you're mad at Will and Danny, but Ben didn't do anything. He's just trying to
be your friend."
Shaun didn't want to be calmed down. He wanted to be pissed off and mad, so he
jerked his arm away and leveled a glare of epic proportions at the little
redhead. "Just leave it alone." He growled.
Jesse sighed, clearly annoyed, but he refused to be discouraged and he kept
following along.
Will's place was exactly how they'd left it. The back door was unlocked and the
lights in the front room as well as the kitchen were all on. The TV in the
living room was still blaring, advertising a useless lipstick commercial to an
empty room.
Shaun went straight to the bathroom, shutting the door behind himself in a
semblance of privacy.
His hand looked gross, red and raw. Shaun's palm had gotten the worse of it and
it stung when he ran some lukewarm water over it.
"Shaun?" Jesse called from the other side of the door.
Shaun didn't answer. He leaned over the sink, trying to inspect the cuts for
shards of glass.
"Are you ok in there?"
There was a slight glimmer of glass in the largest cut at the base of his
thumb. Shaun tried to scratch it out with his fingernail, but it only sent it
deeper inside.
"I'm coming in." Jesse said bossily when Shaun grunted in pain.
"I don't want you in here!" He cried, snarling as Jesse burst into the
bathroom. It was a fierce scowl, but the little redhead had zeroed in on his
bloody hand and there was probably no hope of scaring him away now.
"What happened! Did you cut yourself?!" Jesse rushed to his side, pushing him
to sit on the edge of the sink.
"Yeah, I came right in here and cut my hand!" Shaun snapped. "No, you dumbass!
I have a show to play on Tuesday!"
"Like that would stop you." Jesse said snottily, as if he knew the inner
workings of Shaun's mind better than he did. "What happened then?"
"Broke my glass at the bar." Shaun mumbled, subdued by the image of Jesse's
head bent over his bleeding hand. He couldn't help but to imagine Jesse rubbing
the blood over his cheeks and down his throat and looking up at Shaun coyly
while he did it.
"Jesus, Shaun. Don't you care about yourself at all?" Jesse said sadly, gently
stroking Shaun's undamaged wrist. "Don't answer that." He added tiredly after a
moment, reluctantly pulling away to search through Will's medicine cabinet.
"What are you looking for?"
"Tweezers." Jesse said softly rifling through the cabinet. He found Band-aids,
rubbing alcohol and Neosporin before he found the tweezers, but he finally
managed to procure them, cleaning them quickly and efficiently with the
alcohol.
He stood over Shaun, cradling his hand like it was made of fine china. "Just
hold still, baby, this might hurt."
"I'm not a fucking baby."
"You act like one." Jesse shot back before he nudged at the largest cut with
the tweezers, looking for the glass.
Jesse kept looking up at him, trying to gauge how much pain he was causing.
Shaun kept a straight face, almost enjoying the stinging pain Jesse's untrained
poking and prodding was bringing.
There wasn't too much glass, luckily, and soon Jesse was washing his hand off,
gently dabbing it with rubbing alcohol and applying Neosporin and band-aids.
The bandages weren't really working though, so Jesse stole a hand towel from
Will's linen closet and tied it around Shaun's hand instead.
"There." He said with satisfaction. "Do you feel better?"
Shaun shrugged, not wanting to admit that he did feel better. And it didn't
have that much to do with his hand being bandaged.
He felt better because he was with Jesse. In fact, he liked being with him so
much he was embarrassed just thinking about it. But he didn't have to think
about it. As long as there wasn't anyone else around making him over-analyze
his every action.
"Let's get out of here." Shaun said, sliding from his perch on the sink's edge
with more finesse than he usually possessed.
Jesse watched him curiously. "And go where?"
"I don't know. Let's just get out of here before those fucking assholes get
back." He said smartly, suddenly feeling like he was under an intense pressure
to get out of Will's bathroom and his house.
"Yeah, alright." Jesse nodded. As they exited the bathroom, he put his arm
around Shaun's waist as if to support him.
"I can walk fine, you idiot." Shaun chastised his friend, shaking him off
gently.
"I thought you were still pretty wasted." Jesse pointed out, overly concerned
as usual.
"Naw." Shaun's buzz had long ago been destroyed.
"Oh." Jesse looked around the living room as if he might have left something
behind. They'd packed up Shaun's guitar and amp earlier so they wouldn't have
to deal with it in the morning and Shaun was truly grateful to their past
selves. He really didn't feel like carrying anything around. He was starting to
feel kind of sluggish and hot, but definitely not drunk.
"What?"
"Do you think Will would mind if we borrowed some weed?" The little redhead
asked rhetorically as he bounded into the kitchen where the older man had set
his newest merchandise before Shaun could answer. "Do you know if he has any
rolling paper?"
"Jesse…" Shaun sighed, coming into the kitchen to watch Jesse run back and
forth, searching through drawers and cupboards and finally on top of the
refrigerator where he found the paper he was looking for.
"Cool." Jesse said, coming to stand in front of Shaun with an enthusiastic
smile on his face, pilfered baggie of weed stuffed in his back pocket, quickly
joined by rolling papers and a cheap plastic lighter he must have found along
with them. "Let's go, ok?"
Shaun nodded.
"I'll drive." Jesse said once they reached the car. Shaun was too weary to
disagree.
As they drove, Shaun leaned against his window, as far from Jesse as possible.
It wasn't that he didn't want to touch him, he just felt weird all of a sudden.
There'd been too many highs and lows tonight for him to feel comfortable doing
much of anything.
"Are we going back to your house?"
"Ugh." Shaun didn't want to go home. He could just imagine the welcome he was
likely to get when he stumbled in looking like he'd rolled around on the
bathroom floor, dragging Jesse along behind him.
"My house?"
That option was hardly better. As much as he liked Brian, he wasn't in the mood
to put up with Sam and those shithead twins, not to mention Jesse's
disapproving mother.
"No?" Jesse laughed at Shaun's unconscious shudder. "Where then?"
Shaun didn't answer for a while, watching the dark landscape pass by out his
window. Then he saw the local Wal-Mart.
"Pull in there."
"You want to go to Wal-Mart?" Jesse asked incredulously.
"No. We can park here for a while."
"Oh." Jesse pulled in the well-lit parking lot, picking a spot far from the
entrance and somewhat secluded by a line of trees from the road. He shut the
car off and climbed into the back seat, agile like a cat. "Come on. Smoke some
of this and you'll feel better." He said, getting out the borrowed weed.
"I feel ok." Shaun grumbled, but he climbed into the back anyway and slouched
next to the redhead.
"Your hand doesn't hurt? Really?"
"Nope."
Jesse finished rolling a joint though, much more practiced than Shaun had
expected. Jesse lit it for him, taking a prefatory puff and then holding it up
for Shaun.
Sighing, Shaun took in a huge lungful of smoke, letting it out slowly, watching
it swirl towards the ceiling. Eli wasn't going to be happy they'd baked out his
car, but they were about to get seriously fucked up and he couldn't find the
energy to care.
"So, you're not mad at me anymore?"
"I'm always mad at you." Shaun said bitchily.
Jesse stretched out on the seat, his legs nestled firmly on either side of
Shaun's body. He urged Shaun to lean back so his head was pillowed on his
stomach.
"Do you really hate your band so much?" Jesse asked quietly, his fingers
starting to stroke through Shaun's unkempt hair.
"I hate Will and Danny." Shaun said. He closed his eyes, knowing that he
shouldn't get so comfortable, shouldn't appear so weak and gay even in front of
the guy he was fucking around with. It felt so nice though, that he let himself
sag into Jesse's embrace without meaning to.
"You and Ben should start your own band." Jesse said, pausing to hold the joint
to Shaun's mouth again. Shaun inhaled deeply, automatically. Whatever was in
this shit was pretty nice. It made him feel all floaty and even though he
didn't think he was supposed to feel like going to sleep, he wanted to.
"What? That's fucking stupid." Shaun muttered.
"No, it isn't. You and Ben are good! You could find a new drummer or a new
singer…easy!"
"Who's gonna lead some band I start? We need someone to write lyrics and sing
and get us gigs and shit…" Shaun protested, feeling tired just thinking about
all of the hassle it'd be.
"You can do all that."
"Me?" Shaun nearly turned around to see if Jesse was laughing at him. "I can't
sing."
"Everybody can sing." Jesse said dreamily, obviously succumbing to the effects
of the pot.
"Not me." Shaun grunted, though he'd never really tried. He could probably
write lyrics and he knew he could make up songs. He'd helped Will compose a few
of their originals. Will had almost complete control over what they played, but
Shaun had some input into the final outcome.
"You've got a sexy voice." Jesse said, and this time Shaun was 100 percent sure
Jesse was making fun of him. "It's all growly and scary." The redhead told him,
his hand moving from Shaun's hair to cup his face, his thumb brushing over his
lower lip. "It'd be good for a metal band."
"Think so?"
"Hell yeah." Jesse pressed the joint to his mouth again, and Shaun took another
hit. "Shit, this stuff's good. I feel like I'm fucking floating right now."
"Mmm." Shaun muttered absently, turning slightly so he could press his face
into Jesse's stomach. He breathed in the boy's sweet scent, glad to have him so
close and warm.
He fell asleep like that, cramped in the back of a shitty car, using Jesse as
his pillow.
When Shaun woke up a couple hours later, he had to blink sun out of his eyes.
Jesse was kneeling between his legs, carefully removing Shaun's semi-erect cock
from his unbuttoned jeans.
"Good morning." Jesse said, his voice low and seductive.
"Morn—" Shaun's greeting was cut off with a groan when Jesse's hand squeezed
firmly around his cock.
"I didn't get to finish last night." Jesse informed him, stroking languidly,
his grip firm and perfect.
Shaun watched his companion hover over him, Jesse's eyes focused on his cock.
The redhead's tongue flashed out, wetting his lower lip.
"Come here." Shaun grunted.
Jesse glanced shyly away from Shaun's erection, his cheeks reddening adorably.
Shaun leveraged himself up at the same moment Jesse leaned forward. They met in
the middle, kissing slowly.
Shaun put his arm around Jesse, pulling him down on top of him and Jesse
sprawled gracefully across his chest, pressing his tongue inside Shaun's mouth
eagerly.
Everything felt so fucking surreal, like Shaun was trapped in some sickly-sweet
dream. Jesse's dream maybe. It was nice, even though Shaun never would have
imagined anything like this.
The weird dream like quality of the dim morning light, the cramped back seat
they were wedged into, the hazy pot scented air, left Shaun feeling like he
could do anything he wanted. At first, he just enjoyed Jesse's sweet, rather
skilled, kisses and played with his silky hair, but eventually he felt the need
to push the other boy's limits.
Slowly, he ran his hands down Jesse's back, pulling his shirt up slightly so he
could tease his smooth skin with callous rough fingers. Jesse arched into
Shaun's touch, making soft noises of pleasure.
Shaun curled his fingers, pressing his short nails into Jesse's skin for a
minute, enjoying the little redhead's hiss of pain.
Relenting, Shaun smoothed his hands down the little red furrows he'd left on
Jesse's perfect skin, his hands going lower and lower, caressing his spine, the
sides of his ribs, his lower back and then Shaun boldly grabbed Jesse's ass.
The redhead gasped into Shaun's mouth. He was uncomfortable having Shaun kneed
his ass, Shaun could tell. In all honesty, Shaun was pretty sure even he would
feel uncomfortable about grabbing a guy's ass later, when he was more awake and
didn't have Jesse's jean covered crotch rubbing against his naked erection.
Nevertheless, Jesse didn't try to move away. In fact, he pressed back into
Shaun's hands tentatively, like maybe he felt he had to. That was certainly
interesting.
Jesse suddenly half sat up, reaching between them to undo his jeans. He pulled
his pants down before he laid back on top of Shaun, burying his bright red face
against Shaun's chest.
Now they were laying cock to cock and as disgusting as it sounded in his head,
Shaun thought it felt pretty fucking good.
Jesse shifted against him with small, hesitant movements. The length of his
silk covered erection moving tantalizingly against Shaun's.
Shaun reached back, grabbing Jesse's rounded little ass again and pulled him
down hard, grinding their cocks together aggressively.
"Oh!" Jesse gasped, thrusting his hips against Shaun's, the traces of his
hesitance slowly disappearing.
They rutted together, Shaun controlling most of their actions with his grip on
Jesse's sweet ass.
"Mmm…fuck…" Jesse hissed, licking his lips. He lunged forward to slip his
tongue back into Shaun's mouth and they kissed hard, completely without
finesse.
It didn't take long for them to reach the peak, as they were both horny, highly
oversexed teenage boys. And within a few moments of squirming together they
were coming, Jesse first and then Shaun following after, biting Jesse's lip
affectionately.
"That was fucked up." Shaun said as they laid together, come and sweat smeared
between them in a pretty disgusting way.
"I liked it." Jesse muttered into Shaun's chest, not bothering to move his head
enough to communicate clearly.
Shaun honestly didn't know if being jammed into the back of a smoky car was any
better than a dirty bathroom, but he supposed they were less likely to be
walked in on. Though there was always the chance of them being discovered here,
they were in a public place after all.
"We should probably get going." Shaun said decisively, pushing on Jesse until
the smaller boy went to sit on his own side of the car.
"I'm hungry."
"Well, I don't have any fucking food." Shaun said, unwinding the towel Jesse
had tied around his hand the night before. He winced at the painful, crusty
looking cut, but tried his best to ignore it, using the towel to clean the come
off his stomach and crotch.
As he attempted to clean off, he felt Jesse's eyes on him. He felt disgusting
being half dressed in front of the other boy, having Jesse look freely at his
nakedness. He was intensely embarrassed and he did everything in his power to
hurriedly get dressed again.
"Do you have any money? I've got a few bucks. We could go get breakfast
inside." Jesse nodded towards the Wal-Mart they'd parked in front of last
night. "Don't they have a McDonalds?"
"I guess." Shaun grunted, finally managing to struggle his way back into his
jeans, instantly feeling more like himself. "Can't we just go somewhere else?"
Somewhere preferably with a drive-through.
"I'm starving!" Jesse whined.
Shaun bared his teeth at the little redhead, dreading going inside as he was
presently. He was a rumpled mess and he reeked of old sweat and sex. Normally
this wouldn't bother him, but Shaun had an irrational fear that everyone in the
Wal-Mart would instantly know he'd just taken place in some ridiculous gay
fantasy.
Jesse didn't seem to get it though. In fact, he looked perfect! The little brat
had somehow managed to put himself back together, like he had a lot of fucking
practice sleeping and fucking around in cars.
"C'mon." Jesse pleaded, sidling up to Shaun and kissing him on the cheek.
"Please."
"Get off." Shaun shoved the redhead away, blushing.
They were done screwing around now and there was no reason for Jesse to put his
mouth anywhere near Shaun, he thought grimly.
Jesse wasn't deterred though and he turned his pleading blue eyes on Shaun's
scowl.  
"Please…"
"Fuck." Shaun grunted. As tough as he tried to act, he couldn't resist that
fucking face.  Reluctantly, he turned to climb over the front seat so he could
retrieve his wallet and the keys, still in the ignition.
"Yes!" Jesse followed him, slipping out the passenger side door. He bounced in
place, eagerly waiting for Shaun to join him.
"Calm the fuck down, would you?" Shaun muttered, knowing it was a lost cause
when Jesse slid his arm around Shaun's waist immediately and kissed him again,
this time on the mouth.
Shaun couldn't find it in himself to push him away this time. Or at least he
didn't until they came within sight of the front doors.
There weren't many people around since it was still pretty early for a Sunday
morning, but there were a few people hanging around the entrance.
"Stop it." Shaun gently pushed Jesse away again and before he could see the
hurt look on the redhead's face, he strode inside.
The McDonalds was nearly empty and Shaun went right up to the counter, glaring
at the sleepy-eyed girl working the register.
"Egg McMuffin." Shaun snapped before the girl could say anything. "Coffee." He
added after a second's consideration.
The girl raised an inquisitive brow at Shaun's curtness, but instead of
addressing it she turned to Jesse who had followed like an obedient dog.
"And for you?" She asked.
"Hotcakes and orange juice, please." Jesse said pleasantly, getting a smile
from the girl in return. Shaun paid for everything sullenly, hating that he had
to be in this horrible place so early in the morning. The girl gave Shaun his
change, eyeing him suspiciously before she disappeared into the back to
retrieve their order.
Shaun leaned impatiently against the counter waiting for their food to come
out. There were three other people sitting around the room and Shaun quickly
tried to gauge which empty seat would provide the most amount of privacy. They
all were looking pretty dismal.
"Why are you so grumpy?" Jesse asked, leaning closer into Shaun's personal
space, though thankfully refraining from physical contact. "You'd think you
didn't just get laid."
Shaun didn't even bother to answer, flicking Jesse off casually.
"You're so mean." Jesse pouted, grabbing his finger.
"Let go of me." Shaun insisted.
"I don't want to."
Shaun glared at the stubborn redhead at his side, receiving a pleasant smile
for his efforts.
"Ah…here you go." The girl said suddenly, appearing behind them with their tray
of food. She glanced at their hands, not exactly holding each other, but close
enough that the difference barely mattered. Shaun ripped his hand away from
Jesse and grabbed the tray, stomping towards the corner where at least a large
potted plant someone had decided to put back there for decoration might shield
him from the prying eyes of the cashier and the other patrons.
Jesse joined him soon after, sitting across the table from Shaun.
"Sorry."
"You're always fucking doing that." Shaun snapped at Jesse's weak apology. "I
tell you to keep your goddamn hands to yourself and—"
"I can't help it." Jesse finished for him. "What can I say? You know, I love
you…and stuff." Jesse mumbled, trailing off at the end.
Shaun blushed horribly, too stunned to do anything but stare unseeingly at the
plastic tabletop.
Jesse pulled the tray to his side of the table, unwrapping Shaun's Egg
Mcmuffin. "Eat something." He prodded, shoving the muffin across the table. He
started in on his pancakes.
"Why do you keep saying that?" Shaun hissed, still staring at his breakfast in
embarrassment.
"That I love you?" Jesse asked.
"Yeah." Shaun frowned. It wasn't that Shaun hated hearing it all the time, it
was just that in Shaun's experience, love wasn't something you went around
talking about. He would have felt much more comfortable with Jesse's feelings
if the other boy had never said anything. Of course, that seemed somewhat of a
contradiction, but Shaun wasn't in the mood to make sense.
"I say it because it's true." Jesse said softly, breaking into Shaun's
thoughts.
Shaun could tell he was being stared at, but he couldn't bring himself to look
at the other boy. He felt terribly guilty. Jesse shouldn't have to hide his
stupid gay love. He should be with someone who could be just as stupid and gay
as he was, someone who could really appreciate him. Not someone bitter and mean
like Shaun was.
But…here they were. Eating breakfast after they'd slept together and got each
other off.
Shaun glanced up, not all that surprised to see Jesse smiling at him. Jesse
was, after all, usually in a good mood when they were together.
"I believe you, alright? You don't have to keep repeating it." Shaun finally
took up the sandwich, eating his greasy breakfast with a grimace. "You're like
a broken record sometimes."
"Sorry."
But Jesse didn't look sorry. He looked positively smug as he poured little
packets of syrup over his pancakes.
Shaun watched him with interest, especially when he got the sticky syrup on his
fingers and he had to suck it off.
"Mmm." Jesse moaned. "They should make more food that requires syrup."
Shaun was disturbed by how much he liked watching Jesse suck on his fingers. It
made him think of all the other things Jesse could put in his mouth.
They finished eating fairly quickly and then left, heading back to the car. It
was still really early, only around 8 am and Jesse was complaining about their
lack of sleep the night before, mentioning how he wanted to go back to sleep.
"You're the one who woke me up." Shaun pointed out. He started the car and
pulled out of the Wal-Mart parking lot. He didn't want to stay any longer.
"Well, yeah. I got up early because I figured the only way you'd let me get you
off was if you were half asleep."
Shaun scowled, ignoring Jesse's snort of amusement at his reaction. "You're
such a fag."
Jesse shrugged, seeming highly unbothered by the prospect. "So, what if I am?"
"I remember, just a few weeks ago, you were all fucking excited to get into
Emily's pants."
The redhead bit his lip, leaning further into Shaun's side. "Yeah, I was horny
for her. But that was before I realized how fucking hot you are."
"Fuck you. I'm not hot." Shaun denied angrily.
"I think you are." Jesse shrugged. "Your dick's…impressive."
"So, you're telling me you're attracted to my cock? Fuck you, Jesse. You've got
to think I'm a fucking idiot!"
"What?!" Jesse sat up a bit, looking warily at Shaun.
"You were straight last week! But now you think dicks are hot?" Shaun didn't
know why he was so annoyed by Jesse's claim. He was more embarrassed than
anything. He didn't want Jesse talking about his good points. That was too
fucking weird.
"Well, I like yours ok?" Jesse said shyly.
Both boys, now thoroughly embarrassed, sat in silence for a bit, not making eye
contact. Shaun stewed over their snippy little conversation until finally he
had the urge to break the silence.
"You're afraid I'll fuck you."
"No, I'm not!" Jesse cried, refusing to meet Shaun's gaze.
"Well, you don't have to be." Shaun said grumpily. "Ass fucking is for fags."
Jesse made a sound of impatience. "And jacking off another guy's dick isn't?"
Shaun made a face, but he didn't respond.
"I think it'd hurt anyway." Jesse said softly. "But I've never fucked anyone up
the ass before, so I wouldn't know."
"GOOD!" Shaun yelled, pissed off all over again. He didn't want to hear about
who Jesse had and hadn't fucked and in which hole he'd stuck his dick in!
"Jesus, calm down." Jesse sighed. Warily, he scooted closer to Shaun until he
was pressed against his side again. Shaun was still angry at the redhead,
intensely jealous if he were being entirely honest, but he put his arm around
Jesse anyway, drawing him closer. Jesse rested his head on Shaun's shoulder.
"What are we going to do when we get home?" Jesse asked, glancing out the
window as he tried to judge how far away they were.
"I might go back to sleep." Shaun answered, though he was feeling so tense and
high strung, he couldn't see himself taking a fucking nap right now. He didn't
even know why he'd suggested it.
"Can I come with you?" Jesse asked slyly.
"No." Shaun tried not to imagine what Ruth would say if she found him in bed
with Jesse. "Fuck no." He reasserted.
Jesse pouted but kept quiet this time.
Shaun offered to take Jesse home but the little redhead refused.
"You can't come to my house." Shaun said sharply, driving past his house and
towards Jesse's, ignoring the other boy's frustrated sigh. "I told you. I'm
going back to sleep." Contrary to Shaun's words though, he was planning to take
a shower, get high again with the leftover weed from last night, and then
possibly cut himself some more. He'd been restraining himself from cutting, not
because Jesse had asked him not to, but because he'd been a little freaked out
by how badly he'd hurt himself last time. That was the first time he'd ever
needed stitches.
He felt like he needed it though, after last night and this morning. After all
the confusion, and the weird up and down feelings he kept getting in his gut.
He'd fucked his hand up yesterday, but it wasn't the same as intentional
cutting. Every time he felt the sting of pain on the palm of his hand, he just
kept thinking about how pissed he'd been last night.
"I don't get why I can't sleep over." Jesse bitched. "My house is probably full
of idiot little kids! At least your house is quiet."
"Shut up, Jesse."
They got to Jesse's house within a few moments and Shaun pulled up outside the
redhead's house, parking the car so he could give the other boy a stern look.
"Can I at least come over later?" Jesse asked.
Shaun shrugged.
"You're so mean." Jesse said, but contrary to his words he leaned over to give
Shaun a kiss on the cheek before he got out of the car.
Shaun drove back to his house in a daze.
Neither of his grandparents were around when he got back, though the car was
still in the driveway, so they probably hadn't gone anywhere. Shaun was glad
they were making themselves scarce though.
He took a shower, uncomfortably conscious of how diligently he'd been watching
his hygiene now that he was spending so much time with Jesse. He hadn't cared
before if he smelled weird, or if he wore the same outfit several days in a
row, or if his hair was a mess, but now he felt like he had to be presentable.
For Jesse. Who was, whether Shaun liked or not, his boyfriend.
Once he was clean, he went to his room for clothes. He pulled on a baggy pair
of jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, not even bothering to dry himself off all
the way. He felt weird being naked, especially after this morning, and he just
wanted to be covered.
Having Jesse stare at his half naked body, even after they'd just finished
having sex, was humiliating. Shaun was glad that he'd gotten a break from the
other boy.
Everything that was happening between them was intense. It had been intense,
even from the beginning when Jesse was just trying to be a good friend.
Shaun was feeling overwhelmed by everything and he didn't know what the fuck he
was doing. He was afraid of fucking everything up and making Jesse hate him
like everyone else did. But at the same time, he was also afraid of what would
happen if Jesse continued with his teenage crush.
There were a lot of things Shaun had imagined for himself in the future.
He was going to get the hell out of his shithole town, find an awesome band to
be in, get discovered and end up a heavy metal god.
There were other things he wanted, things he imagined when he let himself see
past his vague plans. Petty stuff, like wanting to rub his success in Will's
face, and wanting to get high off weed that wasn't supplied by a perverted fag.
Shaun had also imagined being happy.
He imagined fucking a girl who was sober, or at least conscious. He imagined
being with someone, anyone, who could accept him for who he was, bad looks and
even worse attitude aside.
But he'd never imagined he'd find that someone right next door.
And that that someone would be interested in sleeping with him.
And that it'd be a guy.
And, even more miraculously, that his gay boyfriend would be in love with him.
Shaun didn't know for sure how he felt about Jesse. He definitely felt
affection for the other boy. Maybe more than affection, but for now, he was
going to leave it at that.
By the time he was dressed, he didn't feel like cutting himself anymore. He
also didn't feel like napping.
Feeling a little lost, he went out to the living room to watch TV.
There was an old black and white western on. It wasn't really Shaun's thing. He
liked blood and guts, and all that, but this wasn't bad.
About halfway through the movie, Eli came in through the kitchen, pausing in
the living room doorway to stare unnervingly at gloomy boy on the couch.
"What?" Shaun snapped, turning from the TV to glare at the older man.
Eli shrugged, but he left the doorway and came to sit on the other side of the
couch.
"What are you watching?"
"High Noon." Shaun grunted, glancing back to the TV. If Eli was just going to
sit there then that was alright. But if he said anything about Jesse…
"Where's your little friend?"
"I don't know!" Shaun snapped. "I'm trying to watch this!"
"Alright." Eli said as he gave Shaun a concerned look. Shaun scowled and tried
to get back into the movie.
"Did you have a good practice?"
"It was fine." Shaun said through gritted teeth.
"That's good. I know how much it means to you."
They sat together and watched the second half of the movie. Shaun was pleased
with the ending.
"Where's grandma?" he asked as the credits came up. He was wondering when the
old bitch was going to come in and harass him.
"She's out back gardening." Eli said slowly. "Why?"
Shaun shrugged. Truthfully, he felt weird now that he knew they were alone in
the house and that they weren't likely to be disturbed.
"Did you want to—"
"Jesse says he loves me." Shaun blurted and then, feeling embarrassed, he
quickly continued. "I don't know what to do about it."
Eli smiled brilliantly at Shaun. "How do you feel about him?"
"I think he's a brat."
Eli chuckled. "That's not a feeling."
Shaun blushed, wondering why he had said anything at all. "I don't know. I
don't even know why I brought it up."
"Is it bothering you that much?" Eli asked softly, like talking about the
current subject too loudly would set him off again.
"Yeah!" Shaun cried, frustrated all of a sudden. He stared down at his bare
feet, his toes curling into the carpet. "He's always saying it and staring at
me like a fucking lovesick puppy! And he won't stop touching me!"
"And that's bad why?"
Shaun shivered, completely embarrassed to be having this kind of conversation
with his grandfather. "Everyone's going to find out. He can't keep his goddamn
hands to himself!"
Eli opened his mouth to bestow some wisdom, but was interrupted by an obnoxious
tapping on the front door.
"I wonder who that is." Eli said sarcastically.
"Fuck." Shaun grumbled under his breath, but he leapt up to answer it
immediately. As upset as he tried to be, he couldn't help but to feel his heart
beating slightly faster with nervous excitement.
"Hey." Jesse said when the door was opened. The redhead peered at Shaun
critically. "You weren't sleeping." He said, his eyes narrowing.
Shaun rolled his eyes. "I took a shower."
"Oh." Jesse reached up, curling a lock of Shaun's frizzy hair between his
fingers. "Nice." He smirked.
Shaun frowned, slapping Jesse's hand away.
Jesse tried to hide his hurt look by feigning nonchalance. "So, what are you
doing in there?" He asked, peering around Shaun's shoulder and into the house.
"None of your business." Shaun said harshly, moving to block Jesse's view into
the house. There was no way he was going to let Jesse be around Eli after all
the questions the old man was asking. "Wait here."
He shut the door in Jesse's face, hurrying into the other room for his boots.
He didn't want to leave Jesse out there too long. He was afraid he'd come in
despite his directions not to.
"That wasn't very nice of you." Eli commented as Shaun stuffed his feet into
his boots. He was still sitting on the couch, apparently having watched his and
Jesse's brief conversation. "You could have invited him in."
"Nope." Shaun grunted, quickly tying his bootlaces and standing up. "I'm outta
here."
He returned to the grumpy redhead, slipping outside before Jesse could get a
look inside.
"What was that for?"
"What?" Shaun asked, trying for oblivious and hitting somewhere between
belligerent and irritable. Instead of standing under Jesse's sharp gaze,
burning under his judgmental gaze, Shaun turned and marched towards the garage.
"Why'd you slam the door in my face? You're acting like I've never seen the
inside of your house before." Jesse complained as he followed after Shaun.
"My grandpa is being a dick. I didn't want him bothering you." Shaun said,
somewhat evasively. "He's been interrogating me all week."
Shaun couldn't see it, but he could tell Jesse was giving him a suspicious
look.
"About what?"
"Fuck Jesse! What do you think?!"
Entering the garage, Shaun went straight to the gun rack, taking down his
rifle.
"Whoa!" Jesse shrank back, almost diving out of the garage door at Shaun's
casual perusal of his weapon. "Jesus! I'm sorry alright!"
Shaun snorted, casually polishing the barrel of the rifle with his sleeve.
"Relax. I'm not going to shoot you."
"Oh yeah?" Jesse asked as he snuck back into the room.
"Yeah. People know you're here. I'd only shoot you if I wanted to get caught."
"Well, that's certainly comforting." Jesse finally came within arm's length,
looking at the rifle with fascination. "What are you going to do with it?"
"You said you wanted to learn how to shoot something. Right?" It had been a
while ago, but Shaun still remembered. It was something they could do together
that wasn't incredibly gay.
"Shit! That'd be cool!" Jesse moved even closer, reaching his arm over Shaun's
so he could stroke the metal barrel. "So, I guess I finally get to see more of
your amazing skills?"
"Guess so." Shaun smiled. He liked when Jesse praised him.
He gathered up all the supplies they'd need, and, as was his custom, he snagged
a few cigarettes from Eli's workbench. Then they headed for the woods.
"I wondered what you two were doing in there." Ruth said.
Shaun started. He'd forgotten Ruth was in the backyard. She was kneeling next
to the scraggly rose garden, pulling up weeds. She sat up to glare sternly at
Shaun as they came around the side of the house.
"You're always up to no good lately." She said harshly.
"I don't know what you're talking about." And Shaun really didn't! The only 'no
good' he'd been up to lately was screwing around with Jesse! And there was no
way she knew about that.
"Going hunting I see?" Ruth continued as if Shaun hadn't spoken.
"Shaun's going to show me how to shoot." Jesse butted in, coming to Shaun's
aid. "I've never handled a gun before."
"Hmm." Ruth seemed uninterested in what Jesse had to say, continuing to stare
at Shaun as if he were the only one present. "You'd better be back before
Sunday dinner. You've missed almost two weeks in a row."
"Whatever grandma." Shaun snapped, grabbing Jesse's arm and yanking him in the
direction of the woods. He didn't want to stick around to be lectured.
Jesse followed obediently so Shaun let go of his arm as soon as they left the
yard.
"Your grandma's mean."
Shaun grunted.
"She reminds me of you." Jesse snorted, instantly gaining Shaun's undivided
attention.
"My grandma is a fucking bitch! We're nothing alike!"
"Say what you will, but I can definitely see the resemblance." The redhead
laughed at the look of horror on Shaun's face.
Shaun was seriously considering dropping his current mission and going back
home, but he knew Jesse would follow him and as annoyed as he currently was,
he'd didn't really want to send him away.
This was safer.
"C'mon." Shaun said, his voice tight.
They walked until Shaun couldn't see his house anymore and they were surrounded
by trees. He stopped in the middle of a small clearing, crouching down to get
everything ready for Jesse.
The little redhead in question knelt next to him, watching with interest as he
loaded the rifle.
"First thing," Shaun said once he was done. He straightened up and gestured
Jesse in front of him. "Don't touch the trigger until you're ready to shoot."
"Right." Jesse said seriously, taking the rifle gingerly into his hands. He
held it all wrong.
"Like this, you retard." Shaun was reminded of Jesse's first guitar lessons as
he positioned the rifle in the other boy's arms, placing the butt of the gun on
Jesse's shoulder and moving his hands into the correct places.
"Better?"
"Yeah." Shaun said, receiving a smile for his blasé response. Shaun glared at
the redhead and quickly told him a few more safety tips he'd picked up from his
own gun lessons, many years ago now. He taught Jesse how to sight down the
barrel. Then he showed him where the bullets went, pulling the bolt back to
give him a better look. He slid it back into place with a snap.
Glancing up at the nearest tree, Shaun spotted a little robin.
"Here. Let me show you." He said, taking the rifle out of Jesse's hands. He
nodded towards the tree and the bird it occupied, glad when Jesse saw what he
was trying to show him immediately.
Shaun pulled back the bolt, positioned the rifle and took aim. He pulled the
trigger, taking the rifle's kick with barely a wince.
The bird exploded.
"Holy shit!" Jesse cried. "That's…"
"I know." Shaun smirked. "This thing's powerful." He patted the rifle's stock,
pleased with the other boy's reaction.
He handed it back and started Jesse practicing.
Jesse had a predictably bad aim at first. Shaun tried to get him to hit a knot
in a tree, not having anything else to shoot at. He wished he would have
thought to bring some of Ruth's fruit from the kitchen. Exploding oranges and
melons was good practice.
However, since Jesse could barely hit the tree, it was just as well that he'd
forgotten.
After the redhead had managed to hit near the knot three times in a row Shaun
decided maybe they should try something more interesting.
"C'mon. Let's go find something to kill." Shaun carefully took the gun from
Jesse, slinging it over his shoulder.
Jesse pouted. "I don't want to kill anything."
"Don't be such a pussy." Shaun snorted. "If we kill anything worthwhile, we'll
take it back home and eat it."
"Eww!" Jesse made a gagging sound.
"Have you ever had squirrel?" Shaun licked his lips obscenely as Jesse made
another sound of disgust. "Or possum? It's delicious."
"You're absolutely vile." Jesse shuddered, elbowing Shaun playfully.
They hunted through the woods, looking for prey. Every now and then Shaun
spotted a new target, another bird, a chipmunk, and Shaun ordered Jesse to take
a shot.
He never actually hit anything, but he was getting pretty damn close. He was
also starting to complain about his shoulder.
"This thing kicks really hard." Jesse whined, rubbing his shoulder after he
missed a cute little chipmunk. "I'm never going to hit anything."
"Sure, you will." Shaun rubbed Jesse's shoulder, giving him a halfhearted
massage. He pulled away when Jesse started leaning into his touch.
They walked a little further, talking quietly so as not to scare potential
victims away.
Suddenly, Shaun spotted a fluffy gray rabbit sitting under a bush. He held his
hand out, stopping Jesse in his tracks.
"Let me help you with this one." He said carefully, gesturing for Jesse to get
in front of him and to take the rifle.
"Oh my god. You want me to shoot a bunny!" Jesse hissed, but he dutifully
raised the rifle. Possibly because he was sure he'd miss.
"Grandma makes good rabbit stew." Shaun said cheerfully. He waited for Jesse to
get the rifle into position before he stepped up behind him, laying his arm
over Jesse's to hold the rifle steady. His other arm wrapped around his
shoulders, helping him to brace the weapon. He swallowed, suddenly nervous.
They were pressed so fucking close; Shaun's front was molded to Jesse's back.
It was pretty stupid to be so nervous about bodily contact, especially after
all the shit they'd been getting up to lately, but it was still nerve-wracking,
terrifying, thrilling…
"Ok." Shaun breathed against the back of the redhead's neck. Jesse was
breathing faster, pushing back imperceptibly into Shaun's embrace. "Look down
the sight." Shaun said. "You want to aim just a hair high."
Jesse stuck his tongue out as he looked down the barrel. He was having an
easier time now that his arms were supported by Shaun's stronger ones.
"Keep it steady…" Shaun said softly, almost lovingly, into Jesse's ear,
smothering the sudden and intense urge to lick the soft flesh ghosting against
his lips.
Jesse shifted slightly, but the rifle stayed in place. The stupid rabbit had
yet to move. It seemed to have accepted its fate.
"When you're ready… pull the trigger." Shaun said and with a deep breath, Jesse
did just that.
The rabbit jerked backwards, twitching slightly as it died. Jesse had hit it in
the neck.
"Good shot." Shaun congratulated the other boy, giving in to his urge a little
and kissing the nape of the redhead's neck.
"Thanks." Jesse snorted.
He turned around to meet Shaun's intent gaze. He smiled and Shaun couldn't help
but feel his lips twitch up in reply.
Jesse let the rifle fall to the ground and he reached up, threading his fingers
through Shaun's freshly washed and hopelessly frizzy hair. The redhead kissed
him demandingly and Shaun responded in kind, forcefully shoving his tongue into
Jesse's mouth.
After a few moments of kissing, Shaun reluctantly pulled back. He wasn't about
to screw around in the middle of the woods. Anyone could walk up on them. He
gave Jesse's full bottom lip one last affectionate nip before he straightened
up.
Jesse seemed to understand that it wasn't a rejection, and he only looked
marginally disappointed that Shaun had cut their make-out session short.
"C'mon, let's get out of here." Shaun said, biting the inside of his cheek
nervously. He waited for Jesse to pick up the gun before he went to retrieve
their rabbit.
"It's big." Jesse said, watching Shaun pick up the dead rabbit by his feet.
"Are you really supposed to touch it?"
"It's dead." Shaun said needlessly. "It can't do anything."
"I mean…isn't it gross?" Jesse made a face as blood dripped from the poor
rabbit's neck.
Shaun shrugged. Not too many things grossed him out. He did insist on Jesse
lighting him a cigarette on the way back though. He felt weird not smoking
after he'd killed something.
Ruth was pleased when Shaun and Jesse came back with dinner. She even invited
Jesse to stay.
"I'd love to!" Jesse's enthusiasm caused both Ruth and Shaun to wince slightly.
"Great." Ruth said without emotion. She took the rabbit and went inside,
leaving her gardening for later. Rolling his eyes, Shaun took Jesse into the
garage to put away the rifle.
"You're not mad, are you? That I'm staying." Jesse asked once they were alone.
"I'm not intruding?"
"No." Shaun frowned as he put the rifle back on the rack. He couldn't look at
the other boy, suddenly feeling quite sheepish.
"What about earlier then? You were all bent out of shape because you didn't
want me around your grandpa or something."
Shaun shrugged. "If he asks you about us… don't say anything."
"Does he know that we're…?"
"What?" Shaun asked, his back still turned to Jesse. He was too embarrassed to
look at him with this awkward conversation on the table.
"That we're together?"
Shaun shivered. "I haven't said in so many words but…yeah. He knows we're
screwing around."
"Should we come out officially?"
Shaun turned around for that, glaring angrily at Jesse. "Why the fuck would we
do that? Why does anyone need to know?"
Jesse's round face paled and he met Shaun's gaze seriously.
"Is this a secret—?"
"You're joking!" Shaun actually laughed. "You're damn right it is!"
Jesse pouted. "Well, I didn't know it's a secret from everybody." He said
sadly. "And you don't have to get so mad." He finished quietly.
Shaun sighed. "I'm not mad."
Jesse came to stand in front of Shaun, sliding his arms around the taller boy's
waist. "You're always mad at me." He whined.
"Because you're so frustrating." Shaun said with a grunt, but he was secretly
enjoying the warm, little body pressed against his.
"I love you." Jesse said softly and Shaun blushed terribly.
"Yeah," he said. "I know."
***** Chapter 9 *****
Chapter Nine
Within just a few minutes of being around the older man, it was clear that Eli
knew they were screwing around, as Shaun had put it.
He kept smiling conspiratorially at Jesse, as if they shared some inside joke.
It was a little unnerving, but since Jesse had already been warned, he was able
to take it in stride.
Ruth was completely oblivious, of course. Dinner was spent with her talking
about church and her knitting group and casually condemning anything that
wasn't part of those two things.
She referred to Shaun's band as 'horrible' and to his band mates as 'fiendish
delinquents'. Shaun sat across the table from Jesse and even from all the way
over there, he could tell Shaun was getting progressively angrier.
"Oh, and your little drug dealer friend was around last night." Ruth mentioned.
"What?!" Shaun's eyes bulged. "What did he want?"
Ruth scowled. "I haven't the faintest clue." She said, folding her hands on the
table in front of her before she turned to Jesse. "I hope you're not mixed up
in all this evilness like my grandson is." She said. "My Shaun thinks that just
because I'm old I don't know what he's getting up to. Well I do." She said
firm, staring Jesse down with her piercing eyes. "Shaun and those friends of
his are a pack of animals."
Shaun shoved back from the table, nearly sending his bowl of stew onto the
floor. Luckily, it righted itself. "C'mon Jesse." He grunted as he came around
the side of the table and grabbed his arm, hauling him to his feet.
"Ah…thanks for dinner." Jesse managed to say as he was dragged outside.
"That stupid bitch." Shaun muttered, yanking Jesse across the porch.
"Where are we going?" Jesse asked curiously. It didn't really matter, he'd
follow Shaun anywhere, but it'd be nice to know what the other boy was
planning.
Shaun grunted and gestured to his grandma's van.
***
They drove in silence, Shaun was stuck in full-on sulk mode.
Jesse was used to Shaun's silences and took heart in the fact that the anger
brewing on Shaun's side of the van had nothing to do with him.
He recognized where they were going within a few minutes, once they'd passed
both his own house and Kyle's place.
It was getting late when they pulled into the gravel driveway of Shaun's old
house. It was almost exactly like the last time they'd been here, with the
setting sun and the grim look on Shaun's face.
Jesse wasn't feeling quite as unsettled and crazy as he had been the last time
they'd parked here though. In fact, he was in a pretty decent mood.
"Want to make out?" he asked.
"Yeah." Shaun jerked his head to indicate Jesse should climb into the back.
"You shouldn't let what your grandma says bother you." Jesse suggested as he
made himself comfortable on the van's floor. Shaun was fucking around with
something in the front seat, his head down, and apparently ignoring Jesse's
words. "She cares about you… I think."
Shaun sighed, irritated with everything. "She's a bitch." He said finally,
turning around to join Jesse in the back.
He laid next to the redhead, shifting around until they were lined up
perfectly. Then he pinned the other boy down with a single look, his dark eyes
brooding and serious.
Jesse ached to touch the intense, strangely attractive boy in front of him, but
he found that he couldn't move. He was helpless…
Shaun reached out, stroking his fingers through Jesse's hair. The redhead
arched into his touch, moaning wantonly.  Shaun grabbed a handful of the silky
locks next, and pulled him in for a bruising kiss.
He mashed their lips together painfully, but Jesse liked the sting of it. He
could feel Shaun's erection through their pants and he was proud he could turn
him on.
They kissed for a while longer, until Jesse's mouth was sore and swollen from
Shaun's demanding, biting kisses. Then they rubbed off against each other,
keeping fully clothed this time even though Jesse had sort of wanted to see
Shaun's cock again.
Once they were both sated and lying in a messy heap in the back of the van,
Shaun sat up lazily to open the back hatch. The sun had disappeared while
they'd been getting off, but the moon and the stars were rising. It was quite
beautiful.
Jesse stared at the sky, feeling amazingly content cuddling into Shaun's side.
He was starting to think that maybe he'd been gay all along and just hadn't
known it. Now that he thought about it, he had been a little obsessed with a
few of his other guy friends in the past. Nothing overt like with Shaun, but
like he'd told the other boy not so long ago, he couldn't help being somewhat
affectionate and even a little clingy when it came to people he really liked.
And he was just realizing that the only people that ever fallen into that
category were guys.
Even still, Jesse wasn't sure if he ever would have figured out his feelings
towards the boy at his side if Shaun hadn't kissed him.
It bothered him that he could so easily have missed this. That he and Shaun
could have continued with their platonic relationship and he never would have
been the wiser.
Jesse was a little embarrassed about people finding out that he jacked Shaun's
dick off and that he liked it. And he was scared that Shaun would soon ask to
fuck him. It was all going so fast and as good as it felt, natural almost,
Jesse was nervous as hell.
"Too bad we have school in the morning." Jesse said after and long silent
contemplation. Shaun didn't bother to answer with words, grunting agreeably
instead. "We could drop out of school, I guess." The redhead answered himself,
getting his fix for conversation through talking aloud. "Then we could live out
of the back of this van and hunt rabbits for dinner and if we ever needed money
you could become the famous rock star I know you can be."
"What?" Shaun snorted, sounding amused.
"The first time I heard you play I knew you'd get crazy famous later." Jesse
said, turning onto his side so he could stare into Shaun's dark eyes. "I knew
you were special the first time I saw you."
Jesse couldn't tell in the dark van, but he was pretty sure that Shaun was
blushing. "Jesus Christ, cut it out already." He didn't wait for Jesse to stop
on his own though, choosing instead to push him gently onto his back. Then he
rolled on top of him, reaching up to pin Jesse's arms above his head. Jesse
arched playfully into Shaun's hold while Shaun grinned wryly down at him. "I
should tape your mouth shut." He said pleasantly.
"You'd miss my mouth." Jesse shot back, waggling his tongue at the other boy.
Shaun swooped down and sucked Jesse's tongue into his mouth, a move which lead
to a very deep –  almost uncomfortably so – kiss.
Before that moment, Jesse would've thought having his tongue so far down
someone else's throat that he could literally taste their last meal would have
been gross, but Jesse was in a place now where he'd do anything Shaun wanted.
He just wanted to be as close to the other boy as possible.
Of course, they couldn't really live out of the back of a van. Or at least not
as things stood right then.
When Shaun started to complain about the floor getting uncomfortable Jesse
grudgingly suggested they go home. He offered to let Shaun spend the night and
again, Shaun refused.
"What'll your mom say?" He asked and honestly, Jesse had no idea how she'd
react if she found him and Shaun sleeping together. Even though he felt he
could talk to Ben and even Kyle about their budding relationship, he definitely
wasn't ready to tell his mom. "That's what I thought." Shaun sneered when Jesse
didn't answer.
They got back into the front of the van and Shaun drove Jesse home.
"See you tomorrow." He said vaguely as he parked in front of Jesse's house. He
reached over, peering at Jesse in the dim glow from the dashboard.
For a second, Jesse thought he was going to touch his face, maybe even lean in
and kiss him, but Shaun aborted the movement, his hand dropping back into his
lap.
Jesse frowned a little in disappointment. "You'd better be on the bus tomorrow
morning, you dumbass." Jesse said angrily, remembering how horrible it had been
without his friend the week before.
"Don't tell me what to do." Shaun frowned.
Jesse ignored Shaun's shitty attitude, leaning over to quickly kiss Shaun's
nose. He knew he was acting stupid, but he loved the look on Shaun's face when
he did it.
He left Shaun in the van after that. He went into the house and immediately
spotted Brian sitting alone on the couch. The little blond boy turned to look
at him solemnly.
"What's up?" He asked.
Brian had been perky and happy when he'd been home earlier. He'd begged to
visit Shaun too, but of course, Jesse hadn't let him. Maybe he was still upset.
"Nothing." Brian said, looking back towards the stupid little kids show he had
on TV.
"Where is everyone?"
"Sam's friend came over and they were talking for a long time upstairs and then
Mommy said she had to go somewhere and she left."
"What friend?" Jesse hadn't seen anyone earlier. The twins had been at some new
friend's house when he'd come by this morning though, so maybe it wasn't so
hard to believe that Sam was entertaining friends as well.
"Where's Melissa?"
"Sleeping I guess." Brian made a face, Lissa wasn't his favorite person in the
world. But Jesse didn't catch the look. It wasn't often that Mom left her one-
year old infant home alone with Sam. And he didn't think she'd ever done it
when Sam had friends over! Why would Mom leave? Where did she have to go?
"Where did you say Mom went?"
"I don't know." Brian shrugged.
Frowning, Jesse leaned over the couch to ruffle Brian's hair before he went to
see what Sam was up to.
The younger boy was lying on his bed, flipping through one of Jesse's old porn
mags. Jesse hadn't looked at it in months.
"Fuck!" Sam sat up quickly, tossing the magazine under the bed. "You're home."
He said needlessly.
"Where'd mom go?"
"I don't know." Sam said quickly. "I didn't even know she was going. She just
yelled up the stairs to keep an eye on Lissa and then next thing I know Brian's
nosing around up here, saying he's lonely or something."
Jesse sighed. He wished Monica could look after her kids on her day off, but
she was wasn't always the most responsible parent.
"I thought she might be picking the twins up… but she's been gone for hours
now." Sam said. "You know what?" He asked eventually, breaking into Jesse's
thoughts. When Jesse glanced at him, the younger boy continued. "I bet Mom's
got another boyfriend."
Jesse sucked in a startled breath at the announcement.
Monica had been coming home from work late recently and she had been acting a
little distant.
Both Jesse and Sam were familiar with the warning signs.
When Monica started dating again – she never stopped dating, no matter how much
she inconvenienced her kids – she started acting irresponsible, flighty, less
like the 40-something single mother she was and more like a love sick teenage
girl.
She put her whole heart into relationships, she had ever since Dad left. Jesse
suspected Monica had some sort of complex now, some sort of fear of abandonment
that kept her constantly seeking out boyfriends.
He didn't know if Monica was dating someone, he hadn't been paying much
attention to her and frankly he'd been busy wrapped up with himself and with
Shaun, but Sam knew what he was talking about.
"Fuck." Jesse said under his breath.
"Yeah. We'll get another Joey incident for sure." Sam said, sounding disgusted.
The brothers shared a grimace. "I guess we won't have to stay around this hell
hole for much longer. Once she breaks up with whoever this guy is, we'll be out
of here pronto."
"That's getting a little ahead of ourselves." Jesse said, feeling an icicle of
fear spike its way down through his stomach. He hoped Monica wasn't going to
move them again. He couldn't leave Shaun now!
Sam shrugged, flopping over on his stomach so he could reach under his bed. He
retrieved Jesse's porn mag and started scanning through it again. "I don't
know. It's just a theory." He muttered.
Jesse swallowed, deciding he wasn't going to worry about it until he knew for
sure Monica was seeing someone new. He changed the subject with another curious
question.
"Brian said you had a friend over?"
Sam jerked the magazine. "So, what if I did?" He staring unseeingly at the
glossy pictures in the porn mag. A blond girl with big tits stared lustily back
at him. "Are you the only one allowed to have friends?"
"What?" Sam had been almost his normal self again, talking with Jesse about
their Mom the way they would have done before they'd started arguing all the
time. But suddenly Sam's tone was belligerent and hostile again.
"Kyle came to see me." Sam said, sounding vaguely superior.
"What?" Jesse said again. He stared, horrified, at his little brother. "What
did he come to see you for?!"
Sam shrugged, trying to play it cool, but Jesse could see the tension in the
other boy's movements. He was angry again and when he spoke, Jesse could hear a
great deal of bitterness in his voice.
"He came to see you too, I guess, but he said he wanted to talk to me."
Jesse was upset. He didn't want Sam associating with a druggie like Kyle!
Nothing good would come out of it.
"What did he want? What did he say to you?" Jesse demanded.
"None of your business!" Sam snapped. "Fuck! Get off my back!" Sam threw the
magazine away again, this time standing up to meet Jesse's angry gaze with one
of his own. "You act so fucking high and mighty, but people like me too, you
know. Kyle thinks I'm cool! He just wanted to shoot the shit."
Jesse rolled his eyes. "I'm sure he did."
Sam made a face. "Leave me alone." He said, pushing past Jesse on his way out
of the room. Jesse turned to watch him disappear into Brian and Lissa's room
across the hall, slamming the door behind him.
"What the fuck?" Jesse yelled after his little brother, but the only response
he got was what sounded like Sam kicking the door.
It was definitely a shitty way to come home, he thought angrily, wishing he
could stay at Shaun's place instead. Or in his car again. Anything would be
better than having to come home to this.
Frustrated with everything, Jesse got ready for bed. By the time he was
climbing into the top bunk, Brian appeared in the doorway and asked to sleep in
Jesse's room again.
"Whatever." Jesse sighed, grabbing the little boy and throwing him up onto the
bed. Brian laughed gleefully and Jesse instantly felt bad for being such a wet
blanket all the time. Or at least where Brian was concerned.
"I think Shaun's coming over tomorrow." he told the little boy once he'd joined
him in the top bunk.
"Really?!" Brian had been settling down, but now he sat up, bouncing in place
excitedly.
"Yeah. Probably." Jesse smiled, but pulled Brian down next to him, putting an
arm around his shoulders to restrain him to the bed. "Calm down alright? I have
to get some sleep."
"But how come Shaun can't come over tonight?" Brian whined, shifting restlessly
in Jesse's hold.
"Because he has to sleep too. He has school in the morning, just like I do."
Jesse told the antsy toddler. "And if you can't be good I'll have to send you
to your room."
Brian made a face. "Sam's in there."
Sam had always been a little unkind to Brian, but lately his reaction to the
second youngest member of the family was over the top.
"He wasn't mean to you, was he?"
Brian's sudden silence was answer enough, but he answered anyway, nodding his
head shyly.
"Stay away from him, alright?" Jesse said, knowing that was a pretty weak
command. There wasn't really any realistic way Brian could avoid Sam. The only
option was for him to never leave Jesse's sight, which was impossible when he
kept running off to be with Shaun.
Jesse wanted to tell the little boy that he wouldn't leave him alone and that
he'd be there for him whenever he needed him, but he was already planning the
next time he could ditch his babysitting duties so he could screw around with
his boyfriend.
He suddenly felt like shit.
"Don't worry about it. Try to get some sleep." He said quickly, smoothing
Brian's hair off his forehead. Brian stared up at him with his dreamy blue
eyes. Feeling guilty again, Jesse kissed the little boy's forehead before he
lay back down again.
"Night." Brian whispered and promptly fell asleep.
Jesse, contrary to his words earlier, stayed awake for several more hours, just
staring at the ceiling. He listened for any sounds in the next room, surprised
by how quiet Lissa was being. Sam must have been holding her.
He was also listening for Monica to come home. He didn't know when the twins
were supposed to come back, but it was possible they were spending the night
again, wherever they were. Jesse didn't know whether to be worried or not, but
there was no way he wasn't about to go ask Sam anything.
Eventually he passed out, feeling somewhat tense and angry. His bad mood gave
him weird dreams, ones which didn't make any sense, but that were filled with
dark and confusing feelings.
He was almost glad to wake up the next morning. He was alone in his bedroom
again, too.
He got ready for school mechanically, brushing his teeth, taking a quick
shower, and getting dressed before he went downstairs.
As Jesse had suspected, the twins were missing again. Brian and Sam sat across
the table from each other, ignoring one another. Sam was alternatively eating
his cereal and feeding Lissa something mushy while Brian chatted at Monica.
Monica sat tiredly at the head of the table, slumping forward a little. She had
her head in her hands and occasionally nodded along with whatever Brian was
saying.
"Morning." Jesse called out to the kitchen at large. He got his own bowl of
cereal and came to sit beside Brian. "Where are Allison and Tyler?"
"Going to school." Monica said over Brian's childish babble. "They stayed with
some friends last night."
"Oh." Jesse looked disapprovingly at his mother before he started eating. The
twins were her kids. She could do what she wanted with them, he guessed.
Not much else was said for the rest of breakfast. Sam was silent, glancing
occasionally at Jesse. Monica continued to nod her way through Brian's
monologue and Jesse played with his cereal.
He could already tell that today was going to suck.
At least Shaun was on the bus.
"Hey!" Jesse called to the other boy as soon as he got on. His loud greeting
not only gained Shaun's attention, but Sam's and the bus driver's as well.
"Jesus, keep it down. I'm right here." Shaun said gruffly, shoving Jesse into
the window as he sat down.
"Sorry." Jesse said cheerfully. He felt better already.
He knew the rules by now and he didn't initiate any physical contact between
them the entire bus ride. He couldn't stop himself from talking nearly non-stop
however. First complaining about Monica and how she was probably seeing someone
again and then when Shaun started to look uncomfortable with that line of
conversation, he brought up music.
"I thought you were joking about that." Shaun sulked when Jesse mentioned him
starting his own band again.
"No." Jesse smirked. "You're a great musician. You shouldn't keep hanging
around Will. He's dragging you down."
Shaun rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah?"
"He's a shitty singer, is all. He's pretty funny when you get to talk to him…I
mean, he's an asshole." He amended, remembering the cruel things Will and Danny
had said in the bathroom Saturday night.
Shaun scoffed. "You be the singer then. You come up with the lyrics and shit
and I'll back you up."
"You'd do that?" Jesse asked.
The sullen boy sitting next to him grunted. "I bet you have a fucked up singing
voice."
Jesse might have been angry at that assessment if it weren't 100% true. "Yeah."
He agreed. "I've got a terrible singing voice. And you should have seen the
poem I turned in Friday. It was pure bullshit."
Shaun shrugged. "Miss Stevens likes my writing."
Jesse grinned. He didn't know how he'd predicted Shaun would be good at writing
lyrics and possibly singing them. He supposed it had something to do with all
the intense emotion Shaun kept bottled up on a daily basis. People like him,
dark and brooding, always had something interesting to say.
"When she hands your poem back, I want to see it."
Shaun scowled and then surprisingly, blushed.
"It's kind of about you." He admitted.
"It is?" Jesse laughed. "I hope it wasn't a love poem." He remembered the
horrible rendition he'd written on Friday, cringing slightly.
"Dumbass." Shaun pushed him again, folding his arms over his chest right after
as if to starve off any more physical contact. "I'm not the one going around
saying 'I love you' all the time."
Jesse was tempted to express his feelings again, just to torment the sullen boy
at his side, but held back when the bus stopped again and Emily and Kenny got
on, followed by their other friends.
When Kenny glared back at them, Jesse decided making a joke about his feelings
wasn't really in the best of taste anyway.
"Guess who came to visit me last night?" Jesse said quickly, just wanting to
change the topic of conversation. He realized right after that it probably
wasn't going to be a successful switch, but he pushed on.
"Who?" Shaun asked tensely, glaring towards the front of the bus, specifically
Kenny, who had transferred his glare to him now.
"Kyle."
Shaun tore his gaze from Kenny's, turning to level an incredulous look at Jesse
instead. "He did? What did he want?"
"Well, I wasn't there. We were out driving around when he stopped by." Jesse
said, smiling sheepishly. "My brother talked to him, I guess, but he wouldn't
say what he wanted."
"He was looking for us." Shaun sneered. "He was bugging my grandma, then he
went to your house…Wonder what he wants?"
"I think he has a crush on you." Jesse said smartly, smiling when Shaun scoffed
and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "He wouldn't say…but he seems kind of
obsessed with you."
"I know." Shaun snapped, looking deeply perturbed.
"What's that about?" Jesse asked, curious to know more about Shaun's and Kyle's
relationship, such as it were. He felt like he had the right to know about the
connection between the two of them. He was Shaun's unofficial boyfriend, after
all.
"I don't know. He's pissed off because I don't want anything to do with him."
Jesse raised a brow. That was interesting. "What did he—"
"He wanted me to fuck him, alright!" Shaun hissed, cutting off Jesse's
speculations. "He thought we should be fuck buddies because I could keep a
secret."
Jesse had suspected something had gone down, but it hadn't been this.
"He must hate me." Jesse muttered, feeling upset. He really didn't like the
thought of Kyle coming on to Shaun. It was bad enough the weird boy had been
poking around both Shaun's place and his own while they'd been out.
Kyle was too nosey and Jesse got the feeling he was more an obsessed stalker
than an over concerned friend.
Shaun shrugged. "He doesn't like me…like you do." Shaun carefully alluded to
his emotions, making a face as he did. "He doesn't have any real feelings. He's
just mad that I rejected him."
"How do you know?"
"Kyle didn't bother me all that much before you got here. He'd taunt me with
his faggy-ness, I guess trying to make me regret turning him down." From the
look Shaun had on his face though, regret had been the furthest thing from his
mind. Jesse felt a little better. "He still tried to be my friend and shit, but
I didn't want anything to do with him." Shaun shook his head, looking
disgusted. "But it's different now. He sees you and…"
"He's jealous." Jesse had figured that out for himself a while ago, but it was
nice to know Shaun was aware of Kyle's enviousness as well.
Shaun was inadvertently admitting that there was something between him and
Jesse that Kyle should be jealous of and that was almost as good as Shaun just
coming out and saying that he had an undying love for Jesse.
"Yeah." Shaun glanced at Jesse, meeting the redhead's moony expression. "What?"
"Nothing. You're just really cute sometimes." Jesse said, not really wanting to
explain why he was suddenly so happy.
"Fag." Shaun said affectionately.
"You too."
Jesse was pleased when Shaun's reaction to being called gay was to roll his
eyes. The redhead wanted to hug Shaun terribly, but he restrained himself.
"Are you coming to my house tonight?" He asked instead, looking forward to
being able to touch Shaun as much as he wanted. Or as much as he could get away
with when he was trapped in a houseful of children.
Shaun nodded sheepishly.
"Brian misses you." Jesse told him slyly. "He really looks up to you."
"I think I told him I'd bring over another movie." Shaun muttered to himself.
"Seems like forever ago, though."
Jesse watched Shaun's face closely as he talked about the little boy. He was
glad, almost relieved, that Shaun got along with him. It hadn't been such a big
deal before, when they had just been friends, but now that they were boyfriends
– or whatever – it was much more important to him…
Before anything else could be said, the bus stopped in front of the school.
Shaun sighed heavily. "I hate this fucking place." He said, eyeing the school
with distaste. "I should have dropped out years ago."
"I'm glad you didn't. We wouldn't have met." Jesse reminded the older boy
promptly. "C'mon. Let's get this day over with."
Shaun nodded and grudgingly got up, shuffling off the bus. He and Jesse were
the last ones off and they trailed behind their classmates, talking to each
other in low voices.
"How's your hand?" Jesse asked as they entered the school. He hadn't noticed on
the bus, but the other boy's hand was wrapped in gauze. Jesse resisted the urge
to grab it and examine the wounded appendage himself.
"Fucked up." Shaun told him, turning and heading towards his locker. Jesse
followed quickly behind him.
"Think you'll be ready to play Tuesday?"
"Yeah, I have to be." Shaun said matter-of-factly as they reached his locker.
He opened the lock with his injured hand, cringing slightly.
"Spoken like a true rock star." Jesse swooned.
Shaun scowled, needlessly banging his books around the tiny metal confines of
his locker. "I'm not going to be a pansy assed rock star."
"Fine, you're going to be a metal god then."
"Better." Shaun snorted, finally finding the books he was looking for and
slamming his locker shut. He gestured at Jesse. "Do you gotta get something out
of your locker?"
Jesse was flattered that Shaun would ask and – kind of – offer to go with him,
but Jesse had something he needed to do first. Something he needed to do alone.
"Naw. I'll catch up with you later." Jesse smiled brightly at Shaun to let him
know his generosity hadn't gone unnoticed. He might as well not have bothered
as Shaun looked instantly hurt.
"Yeah. Whatever." Shaun grumbled, turning to go towards his first period. Jesse
sighed as he watched him go.
It wasn't hard to find Kyle. He was holding court with a few of his friends
near the science room. His gaze snapped to Jesse as soon as the redhead came
into sight, like Kyle had been looking for him all along.
"Hey!" He called, waving Jesse over. He was surrounded by several girls, ones
that Jesse vaguely recognized as seniors. Kyle had his arm around a blond
girl's waist, looking pretty cozy. Jesse wondered if she was Kyle's beard. "I
was looking for you all over the place. Where the hell have you been?"
"Around." Jesse said evasively. "Can I talk to you for a minute. Alone?"
Kyle shrugged, retracting his arm from around the girl's waist. "Sure." He
said, leaving his adoring crowd with barely a word.
Jesse led Kyle across the hall to a small alcove. There were a lot of people
around, but at least over here, if Jesse kept his voice down, they'd have a
small measure of privacy.
"Why did you come to my house yesterday?" Jesse asked, cutting right to the
point.
Kyle raised an eyebrow, looking somewhat offended. "I was worried about you. I
left you alone with one hell of a pissed off Shaun on Friday and—"
"He wouldn't do anything to hurt me. He's my boyfriend."
Kyle's other brow rose to meet the first, his expression rapidly turning from
sarcasm to deep surprise.
Jesse hadn't really been planning on saying that. In fact, he wasn't even
really sure Shaun would admit to dating Jesse if asked outright.
"I thought you said it wasn't that serious." Kyle said finally, breaking the
awkward silence Jesse's outburst had created.
"Well, we're serious now. We worked some things out." Jesse rubbed the back of
his neck sheepishly. "We spent the whole weekend together."
"So, that's why you were both missing?"
"Yeah." Jesse glanced up, faltering slightly when he caught a bit of anger
flashing in Kyle's eyes.
"You're fucking him now?" Kyle asked sharply.
While the term 'fucking' didn't adequately describe what he and Shaun did
together, the idea of it was basically what Jesse wanted to put forward. He
also liked the fact that saying they were fucking would essentially give Jesse
a claim over Shaun, something he felt he should probably do since Kyle was
sniffing around all of a sudden.
"Yeah." Jesse said simply, blushing directly afterwards. Shaun would be so
pissed if he heard Jesse had been telling people…Kyle… about them. But it was
still thrilling. It was too bad Kyle had gotten so weird about Shaun. Jesse
would have liked to have someone to talk to about all the thoughts and feelings
he was having, to make sense of them, but as it was, Jesse felt that warning
Kyle off was the best thing to do.
"I find that hard to believe." Kyle scoffed.
Jesse shrugged. "He's a little weird about it, but as long as we don't discuss
it directly, he's fine." He explained quickly, watching Kyle's eyes widen. "But
what I really wanted to ask you was what did you say to my brother?"
"Huh?" Kyle frowned. "No, you're really sleeping with Shaun? I mean, like
you've…" Kyle made an obscene hand gesture that only slightly conveyed the
meaning Kyle was trying to get across.
"Yes, alright." Jesse huffed. Was it really that hard to believe that Shaun
would want him over Kyle? "C'mon, you came to my house the other day…what did
you say to my brother?"
"Oh." Kyle said vaguely, looking a little lost with Jesse's confession. "But
you're actually dating him? Like—"
"Like he took me to hang out with his band last weekend, we slept together and
then he took me to breakfast Sunday. I'm going to see him play Tuesday night."
Jesse told the other boy impatiently. "Listen, I don't want you talking to Sam,
ok? I don't mean to be a dick, but he's my kid brother and I don't want him
thinking he can buy stuff off you whenever he wants."
Kyle looked surprised with all of Jesse's announcements, but he nodded, looking
dazed.
"Yeah." He said. "Alright."
Jesse smiled uneasily. "Thanks." He waited for Kyle to nod again before he
excused himself, saying that he needed to get to class.
The redhead was feeling much better about everything by the time he got to his
first class. Kyle now knew that Shaun was 100% off the market and to stay away
from Sam.
He also felt a little better that he'd told someone about him and Shaun. He was
burning up inside from keeping everything a secret, but that feeling had faded
somewhat.
Math was boring and pointless. At least when he'd first moved here he'd been
able to talk to Jordan and a couple other kids, but now he'd been shunned.
Everyone knew he was friends with Shaun and that apparently meant that the
black stain on Shaun's reputation now extended to his own.  
People rarely talked to him anymore, though they certainly stared and whispered
about him behind his back…
It bothered Jesse a little, but he was too busy thinking about Shaun to care
all that much. Besides, they were all wrong anyway. Shaun wasn't a bad person.
He was unconventionally sweet and amazingly talented. If people saw the side of
Shaun that he saw, they'd be crawling all over themselves to be with him. Of
course, once Shaun got famous – as he surely would – everyone would look back
at how they'd treated him and feel like real assholes.
That thought amused Jesse endlessly and kept him from going insane from
Jordan's pointed glares all through math class.
Eventually, first period ended and Jesse rushed to Chemistry, waiting
impatiently for Shaun to join him.
He wasn't surprised when he took forever to arrive, walking in the room just as
the late bell rang.
"Hey." Jesse greeted his sulky friend, watching him take his seat with an
inordinate amount of pleasure. "I missed you." He said happily, hoping to get
the scowl off Shaun's face.
"Shut up." Shaun hissed, looking around wildly. Nobody was listening to them
though, Mr. Barnes was still getting his lecture together up at the front of
the room and the other kids were all taking advantage of the extended free
period by talking loudly.
"Well, I did." Jesse reached under the table, squeezing Shaun's thigh
obscenely, smirking at the other boy’s look of extreme indignation.
"Then you shouldn't have rushed off to class if you missed me so much." Shaun
said, reaching under the table to wrap his fingers around Jesse's. For a second
Jesse thought that the other boy was going to make an attempt at holding hands,
but Shaun merely peeled Jesse's hand off his leg before dropping it.
"I had to talk to Kyle." No reason to lie about it, now that Shaun couldn't
stop him anyway.
"You did?" Shaun glanced at Jesse, looking much more upset than he sounded.
Jesse realized that it was to keep attention off of them.
"I told him to stay away from my brother." Jesse shrugged, deciding, rather
wisely, that he wouldn't say anything about the whole 'stay away from my
boyfriend' part of the conversation.
Shaun grunted. "Are you really that fucking worried about him?"
"Yeah. I don't want him hanging around drug dealers."
"As opposed to hanging around you?" Shaun snorted. "You're practically a burn
out."
"Am not." Jesse said. "But at least I'm not offering him any."
"How's that any better? You're just a fucking hypocrite."
Jesse pouted. But maybe Shaun had a point…
"I'm still not going to sit around and let my 13-year-old brother smoke pot and
do who the fuck knows what else. If you had a brother you'd understand."
Shaun shrugged his shoulders. "I bet if I had a brother, I'd hate him."
Jesse sighed. Judging from how much Shaun liked his grandparents and
how…fondly…he spoke of his parents, Shaun probably would have grown up hating
his sibling.
Mr. Barnes called for quiet at the helm of the classroom, bringing everyone's
attention to the notes he was putting up on the board. Jesse sighed again, much
more wearily this time, and got out his notebook.
Chemistry was another bore, as was History. Shaun had started to notice how
everyone was giving Jesse the cold shoulder and he mentioned it unhappily in
the hall after History let out.
"Everyone hates you because of me." He grumbled.
Jesse thought Shaun's concern was sweet, but he didn't say so of course. "Yeah,
but who cares. I have you." He told his sullen boyfriend, smiling when Shaun
shyly met his gaze.
"Stop," Shaun muttered, but he was smiling too, his lips curling up softly.
They had to split up so Shaun could go to his next class and Jesse could go to
English. Jesse sat in his seat near the back, feeling like a real trooper for
having to go it on his own for an entire period.
There had been a pretty sharp increase of hostile glances, he thought as he got
out his English notebook. Even Emily had turned around in her seat to give
Jesse an odd, slightly aggressive stare.
She looked away when class started, but the damage had been done. Jesse was
feeling pretty uncomfortable, exposed and alone without Shaun at his side.
The glares got worse as the day wore on. Even when he was with Shaun, people
had taken to pointing at him and whispering amongst themselves as they eyed
him.
"What the fuck's going on." Shaun growled during lunch when a couple of girls
from their grade went out of their way to walk past their table, walking slowly
and whispering and laughing amongst themselves. Normally everyone went out of
their way to avoid being near Shaun, so it was a pretty safe bet that they had
been checking out Jesse.
"I don't know." Jesse muttered, stabbing at his suddenly unappealing lunch. He
was starting to get really upset with all the mean looks he was getting, the
whispers behind his back, the casual disregard from people he had once been
friends with, even if it had only been for a while.
"You didn't tell anyone about us, did you?" Shaun hissed, giving Jesse a much
meaner look than the ones he'd been getting all day. And that was really saying
something, as the looks Jesse had been getting lately were downright
intimidating.
"No." Jesse snapped, forgetting that he had told someone about him and Shaun,
just that morning. It wasn't that he'd forgotten, but he just couldn't imagine
Kyle betraying him like that.
"Well, people are starting to look at me now, too." Shaun pointed out angrily.
"What the fuck did you do, Jesse?"
"I said I don't know." Jesse frowned, ending the conversation by turning his
attention to his lunch. He was so not in the mood for accusations. Shaun made a
face, but stopped complaining.  
During gym, it became incredibly clear that somehow everyone had found out
about Jesse and Shaun.
Since lunch, Jesse hadn't been in a very talkative mood. He might have even
tried to ignore Shaun – trying to make him come and apologize for once – but he
was too unsettled by the hostility of his classmates.
So, even though Jesse and Shaun weren't really speaking, they stuck together,
getting dressed for gym in their own corner of the locker room.
Kenny and Eric were across the room, whispering together, sending Jesse's and
Shaun's side of the room vicious glares.
Jesse ignored them, pulling his gym clothes on as fast as he could. Shaun
wasn't cooperating though. He blossomed under the adversity. He almost seemed
to get a sick pleasure out of it and he was getting dressed as slowly as
possible, staring unreservedly at the two intimidating jocks.
"C'mon." Jesse said once he'd finished dressing. He didn't want to leave Shaun
in the locker room with Kenny and Eric. There was no telling what would happen
if he did.
"Fuck you." Shaun hissed, turning his back to Jesse. He sped up however,
finishing quickly. He strode out of the room, not looking back to see if Jesse
was following.
Today they were playing basketball on the courts inside. Shaun and Jesse were
on separate teams, as always. Jesse was nervous when he was placed on Kenny's
team, along with two girls he didn't know and a boy with glasses. Shaun's team
consisted of Eric and a few other kids. Jesse watched Shaun and Eric size each
other up anxiously, hoping that both he and Shaun could make it through the day
without getting hurt.
And then the coach blew his whistle and the game was forced into play.
For a few minutes, everything was fine. Jesse was pretty good at basketball and
he was able to hold his own. To keep out of Kenny's way though, he spent a lot
of time passing the ball to the other players on his team. Whenever he got the
ball, he threw it to another team member. He knew Kenny was out to get him, for
whatever reason, and he figured the less contact he had with the ball, the less
contact he would have with Kenny.
The fourth time Jesse was thrown the ball, this time by one of the girls, he
was well within range to make a shot at the basket. He didn't though, feeling
too nervous to attempt it and he didn't want Kenny on his case if he missed. So
he threw it to the boy with glasses, Peter, Jesse thought he was called.
As the ball left his fingertips, Kenny knocked into Jesse, forcing the air out
of his lungs with the surprise of it.
"Make a fucking shot, faggot!" Kenny yelled as he passed, going back to
blocking Shaun as he had been doing the entire game. Kenny played aggressively,
seemingly unaffected by Shaun's growing ire.
Shaun glared hatefully at Jesse when he heard Kenny's rude words. It was
obvious now. People knew…Kenny knew…that they were fucking around. They knew
that Jesse liked guys and from the way Kenny was going out of his way to hassle
Shaun, it was pretty clear that everyone knew Jesse and Shaun were an item.
Being the receiver of one of Shaun's hateful looks was hard on Jesse. It
literally made him sick. Just that morning he'd been flirting with him,
dreaming about getting some time alone with him later that night, and now Shaun
was back to hating his guts.
Jesse hung back, trying his best to keep out of the way of his team mates, not
wanting to be passed the ball at all.
It wasn't very hard, though the coach yelled at him a couple of times for him
to pick up the pace. The coach was busy anyway. He had to watch the other half
of the gym, where the rest of the class was playing on the opposite court, so
Jesse could get away with some pretty shitty playing.
Unfortunately, he wasn't the only person that got away with stuff.
"What the fuck? I thought homos liked playing with balls." Kenny jeered,
finally receiving the ball from one of the girls on their team. He threw it as
hard as he could directly at Jesse, smirking as he did it. Jesse had to catch
it, or else drop to the floor to avoid it. He chose the former option, catching
the ball clumsily. As if this particular move had been planned, Eric came
barreling down the court, clearly intent on mowing Jesse over like he was a
blade of errant grass.
Before Eric could come any closer, Jesse made a shot, just wanting the ball out
of his hands.
He missed of course. He hadn't been in a good position, and he'd truthfully
been surprised to be in possession of the ball when he'd been expending so much
energy on avoiding it.
As the other team got possession of the ball, Kenny knocked into him again,
hitting Jesse in the shoulder this time. "Great shot, fag." He hissed as he
passed.
Jesse snarled back, tired of being a target, but it didn't seem to matter.
Kenny was beyond being imitated by Jesse's weak attempts to stand up for
himself.
Gym was nearly over by this point, otherwise Jesse might have just given up and
walked off the court. He didn't run away from the ball anymore, choosing
instead to take Kenny's harsh words stoically.
It was harder said than done. Kenny could be truly vicious when he wanted to.
Jesse was pretty sure that the other boy's malice had more to do with his
sister than with Jesse's sexual orientation, but that hardly made it better.
Jesse remembered the weird look Emily had given him earlier in English and
wondered if she were behind all this.
It was pretty stupid of Jesse to let Kenny get behind him again, but he was
distracted by Eric's mean smiles and Shaun's furious glances. The rest of his
team was but a distraction, flitting around Jesse and keeping him from
concentrating on anything. Kenny, when he wasn't making insults, slid
effortlessly into Jesse's blind spot.
Jesse had been passed the ball and he ran down the court, shadowed by Eric.
Sensing that he wouldn't be able to make it to the basket before Eric cut him
off, he threw the ball towards Peter. And then Kenny slammed into Jesse from
behind, hard enough that Jesse fell forward onto his knees. Off in the
distance, Jesse could see Peter making a basket. Nobody noticed thought. The
game had come to a halt and everyone on their side of the court had stopped to
watch.
Kenny laughed, circling around Jesse like a shark circled his wounded prey.
"You look good down there, Jess. Like a natural cocksucker."
Before Jesse could react in any way, Shaun was standing in front of him,
pushing Kenny hard in the chest, forcing the smaller boy back a few feet.
"Back off!" Shaun yelled, loud enough to gather the attention of the entire
class. The coach turned towards the scene, but oddly, instead of interrupting,
he hung back, watching like he'd personally been waiting for this
confrontation.
"Don't touch me freak!" Kenny cried, knocking Shaun's arms away. He brushed off
his gym shirt, glaring up at Shaun's towering figure, his eyes flickering once
towards Jesse, who cowered behind Shaun's bulk.
"Look at that. Two little fags standing up for one another." Eric said
suddenly, coming to stand at Kenny's side. Kenny seemed to take strength from
his friend's presence and he straightened up.
"More like Shaun here is sticking up for his little girlfriend." Kenny sneered,
answered by nervous snickers from the rest of the gym class.
"Goddamn…fuckface!" Shaun yelled, starting forward unevenly, his hands coming
up as if he intended to wring Kenny's throat.
The sound of the whistle effectively ended the conflict however.
"Alright, guys, break it up."  Coach demanded, stepping between Shaun and
Kenny. The coach gave Kenny a pat on the shoulder, a nonverbal 'job well done'
and a very clear 'fuck you' to Shaun. From what Jesse could see of his
boyfriend – which wasn't much, just his back and his fists balled at his sides
– Jesse could tell that Shaun was boiling with rage. His fists trembled and his
shoulders tightened. Jesse was relieved when Shaun didn't make a move to kill
the coach.
"Shaun." The coach turned to the large sullen boy, looking him up and down with
narrowed eyes. "Go dress out." He commanded.
Shaun stalked off, leaving Jesse behind. The coach didn't even look up as Jesse
leapt to his feet and ran after Shaun, he was too busy directing the remaining
players to resume their game.
Inside the deserted locker room, Shaun was slamming his fist into his locker,
taking his silent rage out on the metal.
"Fuck!" Jesse yelled, darting forward and attempting to get Shaun to stop. The
older boy pushed him away with a growl.
"You told someone!" Shaun accused. "Didn't you?!" He yelled.
Shaun's shove hadn't hurt the redhead very badly, but the look in Shaun's eyes
was frightening. Jesse didn't try to get any closer to the bigger boy, watching
helplessly as Shaun cursed under his breath and slammed his fist into the
locker again. There was a sizable dent on the locker's door now, the dent was
smudged with bright red blood.
"Who did you run your mouth to, Jesse? I hope it wasn't—"
"I told Kyle." Jesse admitted before Shaun could draw any conclusions. He felt
that just coming clean might make things better, but with the sound of the
dealer's name, Shaun started kicking the locker instead.
After a few kicks, which forced the locker's door in on its hinges, now
completely destroyed, Shaun seemed to grow tired of hitting inanimate objects
and turned to face Jesse. "YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" He yelled. It was easily the
angriest Jesse had ever seen the other boy and he took a step back
unconsciously, truly afraid of Shaun in that moment.
"I…I…I'm sorry alright!" Jesse pleaded. "I didn't like the way he talked about
you…the things he said about you! I was jealous!"
"It doesn't mean anything!" Shaun yelled back. "I hate that little faggot!"
Jesse finally had to look away, flushing in a combination of embarrassment and
frustration. "I just wanted him to know that you were mine. I didn't mean for
anyone else to find out. I'm sorry."
Shaun didn't respond, but Jesse could hear him breathing heavily, just a few
feet away. Jesse looked down at the bigger boy's shoes, wanting to look up into
Shaun's face, wanting to see his expression even if it was full of more anger
and hatred. Jesse was afraid that he'd ruined everything and waiting for the
other boy to speak was killing him!
"I love you." Jesse surprised himself by saying, sobbing. "I don't care if
everyone out there hates me…" Though he'd rather they didn't.  "I don't care
that they know about us. I'm not embarrassed of you." That was true, but Jesse
still wasn't ready to call himself an actual homosexual and being known as one
kind of rubbed him the wrong way. Jesse understood Shaun's anger…but, "None of
this shit matters." Jesse finally made himself look up, meeting Shaun's intense
eyes. "It's just me and you, Shaun. Just us. That's what matters."
"When we're out there, it's not just us." Shaun pointed out, quite rationally
based on how he had been acting just a few moments ago. He was still breathing
heavily though and his bleeding fist was dripping blood onto the locker room
floor. Jesse had to swallow down a strangled cry at the sight of his mangled
hand.
"I know. But you're all I care about." Jesse said softly, stepping forward
slightly, further into Shaun's range.
"They'll tear us apart." Shaun snapped as if Jesse's feelings meant nothing
next to the mob mentality of their classmates.
"Only if we let them."
That had apparently been the right thing to say. Shaun sighed slightly before
he sat down on one of the benches, pulling his injured hand into his lap.
"I'm leaving." Shaun said, studying his hand with fascination.
"Can I come?" Jesse asked. He moved closer, wanting to kneel at Shaun's side
and rub his face against Shaun's leg like an overeager cat. He felt like he
needed some sort of physical touch to make everything alright again, but the
tense way Shaun was holding himself didn't invite any sort of physical
affection.
"No. I'm going to Kyle's house."
"Oh." From Shaun's tone alone, it wasn't possible to determine what Shaun had
in store for Kyle when he arrived at his house, but the fact that Shaun
wouldn't let him tag along was rather telling. Of course, he could still just
be pissed off that Jesse had spilled the beans.
"Will you come see me at home when you're done?" Jesse asked, trying to gauge
just how upset Shaun was with him.
"Yeah…I'll come see you."
Jesse smiled slightly, glad that the entire day hadn't been completely ruined
by Kenny and Kyle.
Shaun stood up, refusing to meet Jesse's eyes as he grabbed his normal clothes
from out of his fucked-up locker. "Can you hold on to these for me?" He asked.
"Sure." Jesse rolled Shaun's shirt and jeans up, holding them securely to his
chest like he had just received a precious memento.
"See you later." Shaun said quickly, moving quickly out of the locker room and
out through the gym. Jesse wanted to follow him, despite Shaun's refusal to
take Jesse with him. The redhead stayed put, however, changing back into his
school clothes. He left the locker room just as the other students were coming
in. With a little luck, neither he nor Shaun would be blamed for the beaten up
locker.
Jesse went to his last class, barely even paying attention to his lecturing
teacher. He drew pictures of guitars on his notebook, wondering if Shaun's hand
was too fucked up to play now. It had certainly looked bad enough.
Of course, Shaun was probably out there now, making it 10 times worse. Punching
lockers and people wasn't exactly a great practice for guitarists.
When school let out, Jesse had a few minutes to look for Kyle in the crowd.
Jesse had assumed that Shaun was going to wait until Kyle came home from school
to jump him. Or whatever he planned to do. But Jesse didn't see Kyle anywhere.
Maybe Shaun was already done beating him up.
Deciding not to worry about it, Jesse grabbed his backpack and headed out to
the buses. He'd been waiting around for a while and he wasn't surprised not to
encounter anyone in the hallways on his way out. The buses were still idling in
front of the school after all. If he ran he could get on before the bus pulled
out.
Despite his plans, as Jesse exited the building someone grabbed his arm,
yanking him backwards. Jesse yelled, stumbling as he was led around to the side
of the building by someone much stronger than he. A quick glance determined
Jesse's mysterious kidnapper to be Eric.
Jesse tried to struggle, but before he could even think of mounting much of a
defense Eric threw him into a circle of figures, closing ranks with guys Jesse
knew.
There was Kenny and Eric, Rick and Jordan, as well as a few other guys that he
recognized from the party and the movie night. Guys that had sat and laughed
with him during lunch, guys who had all pretended to like him until now.
"Nice of you to grace us with your presence, cocksucker." Kenny said with a
sneer. Confused as to what the fuck was going on and starting to feel very
threatened, Jesse turned around, looking for a friendly face, a way out of this
strange situation he suddenly found himself in. Jordan was looking smug,
smirking delightedly. Rick wore an expression of disgust, but his arms were
folded, stubborn and resolved. Eric was a strange mix of the two and he had a
mildly pissed off air about him, almost offended, but his stance screamed
arrogance. "You've been avoiding us…I wonder why?" Kenny continued, sarcasm
thick in his voice.
"Because he can't suck our dicks, is why." Jordan snorted, playing right into
Kenny's little game.
"Yeah, we don't like your kind around here, freak." Eric chimed in, Rick nodded
along with Eric's words.
"Alright…I get it. You guys are pissed." Jesse said forcefully, hoping to scare
them into leaving him alone. The buses were starting to pull away and with
them, his chances of escaping. He felt like a baby for wondering where the
teachers were and why they hadn't come to his rescue yet. Normally, Jesse could
defend himself. But these weren't normal circumstances. He'd never had to fight
off more than two guys at once and there were at least six guys standing around
him.
Eric laughed. "How the fuck can you even bear to touch a guy like Shaun? You
must have really fucking horrible taste."
"Yeah, especially since you didn't even touch Emily." Jordan said quickly,
appeasing Kenny.
"Fuck you! Why do you care who I fuck?!" Jesse yelled, once again hoping
someone would hear him. Kenny and his friends were standing in a loose circle
around Jesse in the side yard. Jesse could see part of the faculty parking lot
from where he stood, but he saw no teachers. Not even a stray student. It was
suspiciously quiet.
"I told you not to mess with her." Kenny said dramatically, forcing his friends
to shut their mouths. "When you fucked with my sister you made your business,
my business."
"Fucking fag!" A boy that was in Jesse's English class yelled, spitting on the
ground near Jesse's feet. The redhead backed up slightly.
"Freak!" Another boy yelled. Jesse whirled around, not sure who had said it. He
was starting to feel extremely scared. Was nobody going to help? Could he
escape from these bloodthirsty rednecks before they bashed his brains in?
"You had this coming even before you started taking it up the ass." Kenny
snarled, stepping forward and into the impromptu ring. "I fucking warned you."
Kenny threw himself at Jesse, hitting him solidly in the stomach before Jesse
realized it was coming. Jesse gasped, doubling over with the pain. Around him
Kenny and his friends laughed at Jesse.
Honestly, Jesse wasn't hurt all that much. His heart was pounding, adrenaline
rushing through his veins. This was his chance to fight back, now, when
everyone was concentrating on how pathetic he appeared. Swallowing his fear,
Jesse straightened up kicking Kenny's shin and then coming up with his fist,
catching Kenny on the chin, all in the same moment.
"Ah!" Kenny yelped, covering his face as blood spurt out of his mouth. The
bastard must have bit his tongue. "Grab him!" Kenny sputtered before Jesse
could do anything else.
Feeling someone moving around behind him, he quickly aimed a shot at Kenny's
balls, hoping he could get the boy out of his way so he could rush around him
and escape.  
But his kick missed and Eric grabbed his arms from behind, forcing him down and
onto the ground on his knees, in the position both he and Kenny seemed to find
so amusing.
Jesse could see his hopes of escaping disappearing. Jesse tried not to show his
fear as Kenny stepped up in front of him, one hand clenched in a fist at his
side and the other covering his bleeding mouth.
"You fight like a girl." Kenny spat. "Let's see if you're still even a guy." He
said around a grim smile. Then he aimed a kick between Jesse's legs.
Kenny didn't miss.
"FUCK!" Jesse yelled and no sooner did the curse leave his mouth than Kenny was
on him, punching him in the face again and again and the crowd around Jesse and
Kenny were jeering and yelling encouragement.
Jesse tried to twist out of Eric's hold. If he could use his arms to defend
himself…this wouldn't be so bad. Maybe if Kenny's blows weren't raining down on
him continuously, maybe then he could figure a way out of this mess.  
And then, like some fucking savior sent by a merciful god, Jesse heard a loud
voice, authoritative and angry.
Instantly, Eric released him and the boys surrounding them, pressing in on
them, disappeared. Blinking through some blood, Jesse could see them heading
back towards the football field, they were probably going to run through the
woods.
Kenny was the only one left and he stood over Jesse threateningly.
"You deserve this. Fucking fag," he said, glaring down into Jesse's slitted
eyes. He spit a bit of blood at Jesse and then he was heading off after his
friends, running to catch up.
Jesse tried to get up, hating how weak he felt kneeling in the grass. He hurt
everywhere.
"Jesse! Jesse, are you alright?" Miss. Stevens' voice returned, flooding Jesse
with relief. Her voice had been the one he'd heard before, forcing Kenny's
punches to stop and making Eric release him. "I'm sorry I left, I had to go get
another teacher. C'mon, let's get you inside."
The other teacher Miss. Stevens had collected happened to be none other than
Coach Vance. He glared at Jesse for a moment before he turned to look at
Jesse's retreating attackers. They had just reached the edge of the woods.
"Did you get a look at who was hitting him?" The coach asked, though he could
probably recognize all of Kenny's friends from where they stood, even though
there was nearly a quarter mile between him and Kenny's gang by this point.
"No." Miss. Stevens admitted, putting an arm around Jesse's waist and
attempting to haul him towards the building. Jesse winced, starting to feel the
painful blow to the stomach now that the adrenaline was draining from his body.
"I'm sure Jesse can identify them."
The coach threw Jesse a contemplative look and Jesse was suddenly sure that the
bastard of a head coach hoped that Jesse wouldn't tell. He'd get his wish. Even
now, after a severe beating, there was no way Jesse was going to tattle on his
abusers.
He was going to get even.
Jesse was taken to the nurse's office, even though the nurse had gone home
already. Miss Stevens helped Jesse clean up his bleeding face and she fetched
him an ice pack for his balls, a job that made both Jesse and his English
teacher blush a little bit.
The principal had already left, but Miss Stevens called him and told him a bit
of the situation. The principal was now on his way back to the school.
Coach Vance hung outside the nurse's office, eyeing Jesse as Miss Stevens
questioned him.
"You didn't get a look at any of your attacker's faces?" She asked skeptically.
"No." Jesse answered shortly. He wished the English teacher would shut up. He
was glad for her help, but he felt like shit and he just wanted to take a nap.
His face was all messed up. He had a black and swollen right eye, and a split
upper lip. As well as numerous cuts and bruises on the rest of his face. Kenny
had kicked him a few times and he had sore spots on his thighs and his stomach,
which would no doubt turn into big dramatic bruises in a few hours. Miss
Stevens had also mentioned something about Jesse having a concussion when she'd
checked his eyes.
"How is that possible?" Miss Stevens asked again. "Why did you get assaulted?
Maybe that'll help you think of who could possibly have done this."
"Maybe he doesn't remember." The coach spoke up, leaning in the doorway and
looking bored. "With the concussion and all…he could have short term memory
loss."
Miss Stevens pursed her lips, but Jesse latched onto this explanation. "Yeah.
I've probably got short term memory loss." He hated the way the coach's lips
curled upwards into a smile at his eager acceptance of his lies. But he wasn't
about to give out the names of Kenny and his friends! There was no way he was
going to let those assholes serve detention and a few days of suspension for
fucking jumping him like that! He would take care of them himself!
"I don't know…" Miss Stevens paused.
"It's quite common. Especially with all the stress Jesse has been under
lately." For a moment, Jesse wondered if the stress the coach was referring to
was Shaun, but then he continued. "Finals are coming up in just a few short
weeks…it's a busy time." Miss Stevens frowned, but stopped asking questions.
When the principal arrived, he already looked annoyed.
Miss Stevens left to call Jesse's mom and the coach went with her. Jesse was
left alone with the principal, who forced him to answer question after question
about the attack.
Jesse gave the vaguest responses he could muster up…
"Are you sure you can't tell me anything about the assault besides 'it hurt a
lot'?" The principal asked sarcastically. Jesse shook his head. "I run a tight
ship here, Mr. Welch. I don't like the fact that the people who've done this to
you are going to walk free. I can contact the police and you can talk to them
if you'd like."
"Ah…no." If the police were involved, Jesse was less likely to get his revenge.
"I really don't remember anything."
The principal gave Jesse an unpleasant look but left soon after, letting Jesse
finally fall asleep on the nurse's cot while they all waited for Monica to show
up and collect him. Apparently, Miss Stevens, the principal and Coach Vance
were determined to stick this out to the end.
It was nearly 2 hours after school ended when Monica showed up.
Jesse was jerked out of a deep sleep by his mother's gasp.
"Oh, Jesse." She muttered disappointedly, standing over Jesse in her hospital
scrubs. She tsked. "C'mon. Let's get you home."
Distantly, Jesse noticed exactly what Sam had been talking about during the
ride home with Monica. She was distant and almost restless as they drove back
to their house. She didn't ask Jesse any questions about the fight he'd been
in, or about anything really. She did mention that she couldn't come home until
late and that since Jesse was in no condition to babysit, she would have to pay
the extra babysitting money for the daycare to watch Lissa and Brian for
longer.
But that was about it.
She set Jesse up in his room with an ice pack and a couple aspirins for the
pain. Monica brushed Jesse's hair back, sighing as she inspected his banged up
face. But then she had to go.
"I'll come and check on you when I get home." Monica said distractedly before
she flitted out of the room. Jesse watched her go, feeling a little sad. He
decided that Monica had horrible bedside manner when it came to her kids.
"Whoa." Said a voice from the doorway. Jesse sat up, thinking it might be
Shaun. He could hear Monica's car outside, backing down the driveway. Maybe
she'd let their sullen neighbor inside before she'd ran off.
Despite Jesse's fervent wishes, the figure standing in the doorway wasn't
Shaun. Jesse flopped back onto his bed, disappointed.
"What the fuck happened to you?" Sam asked, prodding for answers.
"Nothing…" And then because it was pretty obvious something had happened, Jesse
forced himself to say, "Kyle screwed me over. He got me beat up."
"Kyle?" Jesse didn't bother to sit up to watch his younger brother's reaction
to this news, but he knew Sam well enough to recognize the frown in his voice.
"Yeah. Kyle." Jesse confirmed, glaring at the ceiling. "He's an asshole."
Sam snorted, clearly disbelieving. "Whatever." He said, shutting the bedroom
door and thankfully leaving Jesse alone to his thoughts.
But Jesse didn't think, so much as stare at the ceiling. The aspirin didn't do
anything but make Jesse sleepy and he sort of wished Sam would come back, even
if it was just to bitch at him. Jesse didn't really want to be alone.
He was half asleep when he heard voices coming from downstairs. He recognized
Sam's voice straight away, but the other was muffled and deep.
There was only one person who that voice could belong to, Jesse thought
ecstatically grinning even though it hurt his lip.
"Jesse?" The door was pushed open with little announcement. Shaun came into the
room, just as Jesse had predicted, his eyes narrowing dangerously.
"Um…hi." Jesse sat up sheepishly, feeling pretty stupid for getting the shit
beat out of him the one time he wasn't attached to Shaun's hip.
Shaun's eyes widened as he looked at Jesse's face. He immediately moved into
the room, shutting the door firmly behind him. He climbed up into Jesse's bed.
"What the fuck, Jesse?"
"It's nothing—"
"Who did this?!" Shaun hissed, causing Jesse to flinch in shock.
He refused to say anything, shrugging instead of speaking. He didn't want Shaun
involved in this. This was his business. He was already planning to corner
Kenny, sometime soon, and clobber him for what he'd done. It would just be too
weird if Shaun started doing all of Jesse's fighting for him. He wasn't a girl.
Jesse really could defend himself, evidenced by the perfect hit he had landed
on Kenny's chin. Once Jesse got Kenny alone, he'd fuck him up.
"It was Kenny, wasn't it?"
Of course, it didn't help that Shaun had witnessed Jesse being bullied by the
jock earlier that day.
"And that bastard Eric, too. Right?" Shaun prompted.
Jesse shrugged again, dropping his gaze.
"Tell me so I can go and make them sorry they touched you!" Shaun cried,
finally climbing the last few rungs and crawling onto Jesse's bed. He leaned
over, caressing Jesse's cheek. His eyes were wild with anger. "Those
assholes…I'll fucking kill them!"
"I want to do it." Jesse said slowly. "I want to make him sorry."
"Yeah, well, you can have him when I'm done!" Shaun said, his voice shaking
with anger. He still cupped Jesse's cheek gently though, his fingers remarkably
tender as he took in the damage to Jesse's face.
"Did you see Kyle?" Jesse asked, shifting under Shaun's intense gaze. He didn't
want to talk about Kyle, but he wanted to kiss Shaun badly, wanted him to climb
on top of his body and hold him safely, tightly, but Jesse didn't see that
happening. Shaun looked distant and livid and Jesse had a feeling that if he
tried to force himself on Shaun right now, it'd do no one any good.
"No." Shaun grunted. "The bastard never came home."
"Oh." Despite what Kyle had done, Jesse didn't really care what happened to
him. He didn't plan on ever talking to the asshole ever again, so he wasn't too
invested.
"I'm going to go…"
"NO!" Jesse cried, but Shaun plowed right over his protests.
"I'm going to visit Kenny. And then I'll go and see Eric." Shaun said, his eyes
hard with determination. Jesse sighed and pulled away from Shaun, trying to
resign himself to the fact that his boyfriend felt it was his job to protect
him. At least this was better than Kenny being put in detention.
"If I can, I'll be back later." Shaun promised, his thumb brushing across
Jesse's split lower lip. Jesse hissed at the unexpected pain of it and Shaun
narrowed his eyes. "Or I'll just see you tomorrow." He said.
"Ok." Jesse whispered, pushing Shaun's hand away and leaning in for a kiss. It
was unbearably soft and gentle and Shaun wouldn't even open his mouth!
"I'll see you later." Shaun said, pulling firmly away from the kiss. He stroked
Jesse's hair back affectionately. "Take care of yourself, alright?"
Jesse smiled and nodded, reminded of how picky he had been when he'd found out
about Shaun's secret injuries. He suspected that Shaun was trying to play
Jesse's usual caring role, even though he must have felt awkward doing it.
"Bye."
Shaun slid down from the bunk and he went out the door without another look
back. Jesse sighed as he heard Sam's and Shaun's raised voices arguing
downstairs in the living room, though he couldn't make out what they were
saying. After a few moments, he heard the sound of the front door banging shut.
Jesse waited for Shaun as long as he could that night, but he eventually passed
out.
He vaguely recalled Monica coming in to check on him, asking if he'd eaten. And
a while after that he remembered Brian crawling into his bed and falling
asleep.
The redhead slept solidly until morning. Monica came in again, to tell Jesse
that she'd already called him off school for the day and that he was to eat
something and put a cold compress on his eye. Jesse mumbled his agreement with
his mother's directions and lazed around in bed until he was sure everyone had
left the house for the day.
He shuffled out of his bedroom and into the shower. He was covered in bruises
and his balls were still tender and achy. Even though Jesse had wished he could
have kicked Kenny's ass himself, he hoped that Shaun had beat him up good.
He even had bruises around his upper arms where Eric had been holding him.
Jesse placed his fingers over the neat row of finger-shaped marks, cursing
himself for ever talking to Kyle. If he would have just listened to Shaun and
stayed away from the blond boy, maybe this wouldn't have happened.
"You had this coming…" Kenny had said yesterday, before he'd starting beating
Jesse in earnest. Maybe the fact that Jesse was now fucking around with Shaun
had little to do with the fight – though he was sure that it had been a part of
the cause – but Kenny did have a point.
He had warned Jesse to treat his sister right. He hadn't expressly said that
he'd beat the shit out of Jesse if he displeased Emily, but it had been
implied.
Jesse stood under the shower head, letting the water flow over his face and
down his shoulders and chest. His lip stung slightly as the water tickled his
cut.
Standing under the water, Jesse decided that he never should have messed with
Emily. He never should have crossed Kenny nor should he have told any of his
private business to Kyle.
The one thing he couldn't bring himself to regret was being with Shaun….
After a long shower, Jesse went downstairs for breakfast. Since no one was
home, he ate half a carton of ice cream instead of his usual breakfast fare. He
made himself a cold compress and then he migrated to the living room, turning
the TV on and choosing to watch a rerun of a game show.
He was half asleep again when he heard the knock on the door.
Jesse sat up groggily, slightly disoriented, but when he realized what was
going on, he leapt up and rushed for the front door.
"Hi." Jesse smiled when he got the door open. He'd thought it might have been
Shaun and he was right. The other boy stood glumly on Jesse's doorstep, a
single bruise marred his face, just under his eye. He seemed to brighten
slightly when Jesse opened the door though, and he relaxed.
"Hey." He said.
Jesse pulled him inside, wrapping his arms around Shaun's waist and burying his
face in his broad chest. He smelled good, masculine and strong, and maybe a
little sweaty, but it was pleasant and familiar.
"I went to school, but you weren't there." Shaun said, brushing his lips
against Jesse's hair. "I figured you'd probably be here."
"Yeah." Jesse clung a little bit, glad that Shaun had skipped school to be with
him. He wanted to tell Shaun he loved him again, but he bit his tongue.
"Mmm." Shaun murmured, before he pulled. away. He kept one arm around Jesse's
shoulders, leading him gently towards the couch. Jesse all but crawled into
Shaun's lap once they were seated, running a finger over Shaun's new bruise.
"So, what happened?"
Shaun shrugged. "I walked back behind Jay's farm and found them all hanging
out. I had my rifle with me so I shot a few holes in Kenny's truck and when he
tried to stop me, I smashed his teeth in." Shaun held up his hand, pulling back
the gauze to show off how fucked up his knuckles were. Jesse couldn't tell if
it had come from him punching lockers yesterday after gym or if it had been
from destroying Kenny's face. Jesse felt vaguely uncomfortable. "Then Eric came
over to try and rescue his friend and he managed to hit me." Shaun pointed to
the bruise on his cheek. "That fucking jock must've forgot I had my rifle with
me and when he turned away I hit him with the stock. Fucking broke his nose
again." Shaun smiled eerily, as if he were truly pleased with himself. "I told
those other idiots standing around that if they told anyone or if they bothered
you anymore, that I'd come back and fuck them up."
"Shaun…" Jesse trailed off, nervous that the other boy was going to get in
trouble.
"What? I had to do something! I mean, what sort of…person…would I be if I
didn't protect you?" Shaun asked impatiently.
Even though Shaun's belief that he couldn't defend himself was a little
irritating, Jesse was flattered that the other boy would go to so much trouble
to avenge him. "That's true." he said finally, deciding that he wouldn't worry
about it. Shaun's reputation alone would probably keep Kenny and his friends
from going to the cops. Plus, Jesse could just turn around and implicate them
in his own assault, so it'd be dumb of them to say anything. "You're a good
boyfriend." Jesse said after a moment, tucking some of Shaun's frizzy hair
behind his ear.
Shaun stared at him intensely, studying him with serious eyes. "I do like you,
you know. I wouldn't be…I wouldn't do the things I do for you unless I did."
"I know." Jesse smiled, realizing that Shaun was all but telling him he loved
him. "That's why I'm so happy." Jesse's lip hurt from all his smiling, but the
pain was a temporary thing. This…this thing between Shaun and Jesse…was going
to be permanent. Or at least he hoped so.
Shaun looked slightly uncomfortable, but he tried to smile back. "We have the
house to ourselves?"
"Yeah." Jesse suddenly realized how rare of an opportunity they had. "Let's go
upstairs."
Shaun followed Jesse to his room and up to his bed. He fidgeted, clearly
nervous about lying in Jesse's bed now that they were dating, for lack of a
better term. Jesse found it endearing and almost sweet how prudish he could be.
"Take your shoes off." Jesse said, climbing onto the bunk first and looking
down as Shaun followed his direction. "And the jeans, too."
"What?" Shaun had readily kicked his shoes off, but he glared sharply at Jesse
for the jean's comment.
"I want to try something." Jesse pleaded, meeting Shaun's glare with a pout.
"You can try it with my jeans on." Shaun left his pants on and climbed up into
Jesse's bed. "I didn't actually come here for sex, you know."
"Really?" Jesse didn't know whether or not to be insulted.
"I came to make sure you were alright and to tell you about Kenny and Eric."
Shaun said blandly. "You can sleep easy. I think I properly avenged you."
"That's incredibly sweet of you, and all, but I want to have sex, too." Jesse
pointed out. By this point, Shaun was kneeling at the edge of his bed, pushing
aside the tangled sheets in a hopeless attempt at making more room. Jesse
pulled Shaun down onto his back and immediately rolled on top of him. "Even
though you didn't do what I asked, I think I'll try my experiment anyway."
"And what might that be?" Shaun looked slightly nervous, especially when
Jesse's hand slid down his chest and to his groin, fiddling with the fly of his
jeans.
"You'll just have to find out."
Jesse slithered further down the bed until he was nestled between Shaun's legs.
There wasn't a lot of wiggle room up here on the top bunk, but Jesse didn't
mind. It gave him the excuse to practically lie on top of Shaun whenever he
wanted, anyway.
But for now, he was intent on unbuttoning and unzipping Shaun's jeans and
working them off his hips.
"Jesse…" Shaun warned, peering down at what was happening with a serious
expression.
"I want to see you naked…is that a crime?" Jesse protested, but he stopped
lowering Shaun's jeans at his mid-thigh, so that the only thing exposed was his
boxer covered genitals.
"It should be." Shaun grumbled, but he stopped protesting, settling for
watching Jesse intently.
Shaun's cock had been growing hard since Jesse had touched his zipper and now
that there was only a bit of thin fabric between it and Jesse, it had become
heavy and thick, filling Shaun's boxer shorts admirably.
"I'm going to take it out…ok?" Jesse asked, hoping he wouldn't be rejected.
Shaun groaned disapprovingly, but he didn't say anything for or against Jesse's
plan. So Jesse reached inside Shaun's boxers and pulled his cock out.
It really was impressively big. Jesse wasn't a fan of dicks, per say, but he
thought that it wouldn't be too far off to say that Shaun had one of best cocks
in existence.
Jesse stroked the imposing appendage, studying the cock before him closely. He
wanted to memorize it, he wanted everything from its spongy reddish head to the
dark pink shaft, veiny and thick, to be imbedded in his memories.
Shaun continued to stare severely down at him, but as Jesse handled his
erection the other boy's gaze softened, his eyes closing halfway and becoming
almost hazy.
"Jesse…" Shaun murmured.
"I'm going to suck it." Jesse said softly.
"What?" Shaun shifted under Jesse like he was going to sit up. "Don't." He said
in a very unconvincing tone of voice.
"Don't?" Jesse raised an eyebrow, not able to believe any guy would turn down a
blowjob. With an insolent smirk, he licked the very tip of Shaun's cock, his
tongue dipping briefly into the other boy's leaking slit.
"Ah!" Shaun's gasp was torn from him, loud and surprised. "Jesse!" He cried
out, though the redhead didn't know whether or not Shaun wanted him to stop or
to keep going.
Jesse kept going.
Shaun's taste was heavy and salty, warm and comforting. Jesse was a little
worried by how much he was enjoying licking Shaun's dick, but there was no
stopping now.
Up and down Shaun's shaft Jesse's tongue went. He teased the sensitive
underside, applying a bit of pressure as he traced the veiny length. He sucked
the domed head into his mouth, letting it pop out and spring upright again with
the strength of the erection.
He kissed the bobbing, pretty red tip with a deep, open mouthed kiss.
Shaun panted, his hands fisting in the bedspread as Jesse mouthed at the taunt
skin at the base of his rock-hard erection. A few beads of pre-come dripped
from Shaun's slit, leaking down the velvety-soft shaft.
Jesse licked it up, coming back to the head of Shaun's cock to suck lightly,
more like it was a lollipop then an erection.
Shaun whimpered at the move, quickly slapping a hand over his mouth to starve
off any more embarrassing noises.
"No. I want to hear you." Jesse said, reaching up to pull Shaun's hand from his
mouth.
Shaun's hand instead went to Jesse's hair, his fingers twisting painfully in
the soft red locks. Jesse did his best to ignore the pain, going back to
licking the other boy's erection with his surprisingly nimble tongue. The pain
of having his hair yanked was instantly worth it when Shaun shuddered and let
out a deep, pained-sounding groan.
"Jess…" Shaun said. "Fuck!"
Jesse thought it was sweet that Shaun was getting off so thoroughly from his
tongue alone.
Every guy knew that good blowjobs actually consisted of a little more than just
tongue action though. In fact, Jesse knew from experience that the whole
licking thing drove a guy crazier than anything.
But Jesse was determined to get Shaun naked before he did anything more.
Keeping Shaun distracted with his mouth, Jesse steadily began pulling his jeans
off. At first, Shaun resisted, weakly, but he eventually gave up and slumped
back onto Jesse's pillow with a resigned grunt.
Jesse worked quickly, yanking on Shaun's jeans and boxers until he had to get
up on his knees to pull them off completely. He got the lower bottom half of
Shaun's things off though, and he dropped them to the floor below.
Shaun made a token protest, sitting up slightly to glare halfheartedly at the
redhead, but Jesse swiftly settled back down between his legs and he ran a hand
up the naked thigh and grasping Shaun's cock. He squeezed the over excited
flesh with his eager hand.
He didn't start right in with the blowjob, though, like he'd planned. He was
transfixed with what he had revealed.
Shaun was covered in a disturbing amount of scars. Jesse couldn't tell how many
of them were self-inflicted, but all the neat little rows of puckered scar
tissue made his heart clench.
No sane person did this to themselves… Jesse had a hard time imagining what he
must have been thinking about to make such scars.
Shaun tensed as if he could hear Jesse's thoughts. The redhead wasn't stupid,
he could tell that Shaun was embarrassed about being naked in front of him, and
that his scars brought him a lot of shame. Before he could say anything or
force Jesse to stop, Jesse dipped his head, sucking half of his large cock into
his mouth.
"Ah!" Shaun cried out, his hand clenching in Jesse's hair again. His cock
twitched in his mouth, leaking more salty pre-come onto his tongue.
It was weird sucking cock. Jesse had had enough experience with girls to know
what felt good, so he at least had somewhere to start.
He pushed himself down as far as he could go, using his hand to squeeze warmly
around the base. Shaun's cock really was big and Jesse probably would have been
jealous if he wasn't so interested in it.
There was no way he could get the entire length down his throat, though. His
split lip was already starting to sting from all the activity, but he tried his
best.
He went down, and then pulled back up, pausing at the tip of Shaun's organ to
tease the sensitive underside with his tongue. Then he went back down again,
swirling around Shaun's turgid length.
Shaun's breathing picked up dramatically as Jesse explored his erection with
his mouth. Glancing up at his flushed and sweaty boyfriend, Jesse decided that
Shaun was beautiful.
There was nothing that Jesse didn't love about the boy squirming and thrusting
underneath him. He loved Shaun's shitty attitude, his scarred body, his
ridiculous hair, and he was starting to really like Shaun's thick cock.
"Fuck Jesse!" Shaun hissed. Jesse was really going to town. He kept trying to
fit more and more of Shaun inside his mouth, wanting to please the sullen boy
he found himself so desperately attached to. He had to stop when he started to
feel like he was going to gag though, pulling back somewhat and making up for
his lack of deep throating skills by hollowing his cheeks out and applying as
much heat and pressure to Shaun's jerking cock as he could.
That seemed to be the breaking point for Shaun. The hand in Jesse's hair was no
longer trying to be gentle, he gripped the back of Jesse's head with undue
force and thrust his hips up into his face.
The only reason Jesse didn't end up choking on a throat full of cock happened
to be because of his restraining fist around the base of Shaun's shaft.
Swallowing convulsively around Shaun's vicious thrusts, Jesse gave up on trying
to control the other boy's movements and held on, sucking and licking while
Shaun fucked his mouth.
After only a few short moments Shaun was crying out as he came, shooting bitter
come into the back of his throat.
Jesse gagged, releasing the softening erection and forcing himself to swallow.
To make up for almost puking, he licked Shaun clean. It was worth it and he
liked that he could make the other boy feel good.
"Stop it." Shaun groaned at the over-stimulating feel of Jesse licking his
spent cock. He pulled on the redhead's hair. "Come up here."
Jesse complied, sprawling half on and half off the other boy. Their chests were
pressed together and Jesse could almost feel Shaun's naked cock nestled against
his thigh through his pajama pants.
"How was it?" Jesse asked, secretly thrilled with the raspy quality of his
voice. It was like a badge of honor or something.
"Do you really have to ask?" Shaun smirked, reaching out a hand to play
absently with Jesse's hair. He stroked his fingers through the silky locks and
Jesse arched into the careful touch. He was so horny and turned on that any
touch felt like heaven.
"Do you ah…want me to…" Shaun trailed of awkwardly. He nodded down towards
Jesse's still clothed erection. "Ah…" He tripped over his words and Jesse
wondered if it were possible that Shaun was trying to offer him a blowjob.
Jesse would have loved to see Shaun suck his cock, but he had a feeling that
Shaun would be in a foul mood if he did. He was so afraid of seeming gay and
besides taking a dick up one's ass, there was nothing gayer than sucking cock.
"Can you jerk me off, baby?" Jesse asked, figuring that Shaun hadn't been too
put off by touching Jesse dick the past few times. He'd seem to like it, even.
"I like your hands." He admitted.
Shaun stared at Jesse, his gaze coming close to being completely adoring. "Take
your clothes off first."
Jesse nodded and sat up to divest himself of his few items of clothing. He
hadn't bothered to get fully dressed after his shower, choosing comfort over
style. A pair of soft pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt were the only
clothes he had on and he was quickly laid bare before Shaun's eyes.
Shaun didn't say anything, but it was clear that he liked the way Jesse looked.
He wordlessly ran his hands over Jesse's smooth skin, working his way down from
his freckled shoulders, to his ticklish sides and to his waist. He pulled Jesse
down and positioned him on his side.
Jesse decided that the position Shaun had picked was a good one. He got to
stare into Shaun's eyes, got to watch the sensual way the other boy breathed
with his mouth open and his bottom lip pouting out tantalizingly. Shaun's
tongue flicked out, running across his lower lip before it retreated back into
his mouth. Jesse squirmed closer, latching onto Shaun's mouth with a helpless
moan.
Jesse lip was stinging and throbbing after all the abuse he had put it through.
He got the feeling that Shaun was just indulging him, kissing him so painfully
slowly that Jesse felt like he was going to die. Suddenly the little redhead
felt the other boy's hand wrap around his straining erection and Jesse gave up
on trying to suck the spit out of Shaun's mouth, pulling back with a wet gasp.
Jesse watched the other boy's face through slitted eyes. It was much more
intense staring into someone's eyes when he was being touched so intimately…
Shaun didn't look away once, his gaze was trained on Jesse's face, watching the
almost embarrassing way Jesse's face contorted as he was masturbated by Shaun's
rough hand.
Within only a few moments Jesse was panting and whimpering. He knew it wasn't
going to last long, he was too turned on, too relieved to have the other boy in
his bed, too fucking exhausted from their earlier exertions to last.
When he could stand the staring match no longer, Jesse buried his face in
Shaun's shoulder. Oh…Shaun's hand felt so good, so much better than any other
hand job he'd ever received. Shaun knew exactly how to touch him.
Shaun laughed breathlessly in his ear, nuzzling it lightly before he bit the
lobe. Jesse hissed and thrust his cock faster into the tight ring of Shaun's
fist, fucking his hand. "You're close, aren't you? I can feel it."
Jesse let out a high-pitched whine in response, his arms going up and around
Shaun's neck, his fingers curling into the frizzy mess of his hair.
"Come for me, Jess." Shaun hissed, picking up the pace until he was almost
rubbing Jesse's cock raw. It felt incredible though, a bit of pain mixed with
the pleasure, it was Shaun's trademark.
With one last pathetic gasp, Jesse bit down on the nearest bit of skin he could
find, sobbing as he came forcefully all over Shaun's stomach.
Shaun grunted at the pain of Jesse's bite, but he didn't stop. He milked
Jesse's cock through his orgasm, not letting go until Jesse had collapsed
against his chest, weak and sated.
"Aw, fuck." Shaun muttered, sitting up slightly to assess the damage. "You're
lucky. You only got a little on me."
Feeling pleasantly lethargic, Jesse glanced down at Shaun's shirt. Shaun's
groin and his lower stomach had received the brunt of his ejaculation, though
the bottom half of his shirt had been splattered as well.
Shaun tried to wipe it away, but it was no good. His good hand was also covered
in come and his other hand was of no use wrapped in gauze. He seemed to give up
after a few moments of uselessly fussing and laid back down.
"Well?" He said gruffly. "Did you get everything you wanted?"
Even though Shaun was trying to play like everything that had just happened
between them was no big deal, Jesse could see the warm, happy light in his dark
eyes.
Watching Shaun wipe his messy hand off on the tangled mess of sheets, Jesse
decided that there was only one last thing he wanted.
"Take your shirt off." He asked, tugging on the hem of Shaun's long-sleeved
shirt.
Shaun gave Jesse an annoyed look, but he did as he'd asked, slowly baring
himself for Jesse's inspection.
He balled his shirt up huffily and threw it towards the edge of the bed, then
met Jesse's gaze before he looked away again. He turned on his back so he could
stare at the ceiling and Jesse had a moment to look at his bare skin.
Shaun's top half matched his lower body perfectly. His skin was too pale and
his arms and chest were decorated with half healed cuts. The stitches on his
stomach were still there, looking gruesome and somewhat irritated against the
unhealthy color of his skin.
"Happy?" Shaun grumbled, clearly discomforted by Jesse's gaze.
The redhead smiled slightly, endeared by his boyfriend's embarrassment, but
also concerned with his bad habit of hurting himself.
"I'm happy." Jesse told his sullen lover, carefully wrapping his arms around
Shaun's waist and pillowing his head on his chest.
Shaun relaxed slightly, his hand coming up to stroke softly through Jesse's
hair.
Jesse arched into the touch, moaning under his breath. "…glad you came." He
said warmly, pressing his lips to Shaun's chest before he shut his eyes and
concentrated on the wonderful feeling of having Shaun beneath him.
***
It was over an hour before either of them spoke again.
Jesse drifted in and out of consciousness. He wasn't tired enough to flat out
fall asleep, but he was feeling incredibly relaxed, warm and sated and it was
hard to keep his eyes open.
Shaun kept up his stroking for a long time. Jesse didn't know if Shaun was
asleep or not, but his hand was continually playing with his hair, down his
neck and rubbing gently over his back.
When the redhead opened his eyes again, he turned to gaze adoringly up at
Shaun. The other boy was staring straight at him, his dark eyes half lidded and
glittering with emotion.
"Are you going to play tonight?" Jesse asked, just to break the strange silence
that had fallen over them. He liked looking at Shaun, and he didn't mind Shaun
looking at him in turn, but Shaun's staring was so oddly intense.
"Huh?" Shaun's hand had slipped to curl around the back of Jesse's neck, and he
rubbed the soft skin there affectionately.
Jesse arched lazily into the older boy's touch. "Your hand…" The hand in
question was resting on Shaun's stomach, in full view of his concerned gaze.
The redhead hadn't been able to get a great look at it before, but now he saw
how fucked up it was.
Shaun still had gauze wrapped around it, protecting the deep cut he'd gotten
from the bar Saturday night. Now though, his knuckles were also scratched and
scabbed over.
"Can you play like that?"
Shaun raised his injured hand, using it to caress Jesse's banged up face. He
winced slightly.
"Probably not." He admitted after a minute, sulking immediately.
"What are you going to do?"
Shaun shrugged. "I've gotta call Will." But he didn't make a move to get up. He
seemed relaxed. Very relaxed. More so than Jesse had ever seen him before, in
fact. The other boy's softened expression and the casual way he petted Jesse's
hair made him extremely proud for thinking of the blowjob. He'd had a feeling
that Shaun would like it.
"You can call later." Jesse said, in perfect agreement with Shaun's apparent
urge to laze around for as long as possible. After all, there was no telling
when they'd get alone time like this again. Having four young kids and one
moody preteen in the house didn't leave much alone time for anyone.
"Yeah." Shaun smiled softly, heartbreakingly. Jesse had a hard time believing
how sweet and almost innocent he could appear sometimes.
"I love you." Jesse whispered, his blue eyes staring into Shaun's.
The sullen boy at his side didn't answer, but he did lean in, taking Jesse's
lower lip between his own.
They kissed slowly, wetly.
Jesse didn't let his eyes close and even though he was way too close to be
studying him accurately, he watched Shaun anyway…
***** Chapter 10 *****
Chapter Ten
Shaun eventually made himself leave Jesse's bed, hastily grabbing his clothes
before he rushed out of the room. He slammed the bathroom door shut quickly, as
if his speed could keep Jesse from seeing too much of his naked body.
Jesse had already seen it all though.
Shaun washed Jesse's dry come from his stomach before he attempted to clean off
his shirt. He was oddly sad to lose the remainder of their coupling but yet he
was also embarrassed to even be in possession of such a remainder.
But Jesse had sucked his cock, Shaun thought as he finished getting the stains
out of his shirt with tap water. Before he got dressed, he paused to carefully
examine the healing cut on his stomach. Jesse had been conscious enough not to
aim at the stiches, but Shaun was fascinated with his wound just the same.
Jesse had looked at his scars, all of them, and he'd still let Shaun come down
his throat. He'd still allowed Shaun to stick his tongue in his mouth and yank
his hair and rub his back while he'd slept across Shaun's chest.
Shaun realized that Jesse must really love him. Why else would anyone put up
with Shaun and his disgusting habits if they didn't love him?
It was a weird feeling, being loved. It made Shaun feel itchy, under his skin
where he couldn't reach. The feeling had made him go after Kyle and Kenny and
Eric yesterday and it had made him beat the shit out of the latter two. The
feeling had made him come here today when he'd realized Jesse wasn't at school.
It made him want to go back into Jesse's room and hold onto him as tightly as
he could, for a long as he could.
The feeling Jesse's love gave him made Shaun uncomfortable and awkward in a way
he'd never felt before. It was horrible though oddly fulfilling all at the same
time and Shaun was pretty sure that he was going to have a hard time living
without it now that he knew what it felt like.
Stupid fucking unconditional love, Shaun thought nastily to himself, truly
annoyed with Jesse for forcing him to feel so many things he'd never
experienced before.
After Shaun was satisfied that he was cleansed of all Jesse's come, he got back
into his clothes. He glanced at himself in the mirror, noting the frizzy mess
of his hair and the bruise on his cheek. Shaun hated looking at himself and he
found it almost impossible to believe anyone would ever like looking at him.
But Jesse did.
Feeling another uncomfortable swelling of affection for the other boy, Shaun
exited the bathroom and ran right into a very naked redhead.
"I've gotta piss." Jesse informed Shaun before he brushed past him and hurried
to the toilet. He didn't even bother to shut the door and Shaun was left
standing in the doorway, watching Jesse relieve himself. "Aww…fuck." Jesse
muttered.
Shaun was starting to come to terms with how much he liked looking at Jesse,
whether or not he had clothes on.
He'd never been attracted to guys before, not even when Kyle had all but thrown
himself on him, though to tell the truth, Shaun hadn't really been all that
fascinated with girls either.
But Jesse was different. He was special. Shaun thought he looked fucking
gorgeous standing there cock in hand, pissing like a fucking racehorse. He
looked just as good now as when he'd been between Shaun's legs, his pink lips
wrapped around his straining erection. Of course, watching Jesse suck his dick
had been a bit more arousing than watching him piss. But only just.
"Enjoying the view?" Jesse laughed. He finally finished, shaking his dick off
with a cursory movement. He went the sink to wash his hands.
Instead of answering, Shaun went back into the bathroom, moving to stand behind
Jesse.
The redhead was a whole head shorter than him and his body was smooth and
nearly hairless, his limbs shapely and flawless. Shaun had a feeling that he'd
be dreaming about Jesse's body every night now that he'd gotten such a good
look at it. Even now, he was imagining Jesse's beautiful pale body smeared with
his bright red blood, his rosy pink cock straining to be touched even through
his pain.
And his ass…
Shaun reached down suddenly, cupping Jesse's ass.
"How the fuck did you get such an amazing ass?" Shaun wondered aloud.
"I don't know." Jesse laughed. He turned the water off and placed his hands on
the counter, clearly bracing himself so that Shaun could have a nice long look
at his behind.
Shaun was grateful that Jesse wasn't nearly as uncomfortable with acting or
looking gay as he was. He was glad that Jesse allowed him to paw him like this
because he knew he'd probably never let Jesse touch him in such a manner.
"I think you were born to be a fag." Shaun hissed. "Your ass was made for
fucking."
"Shaun…" Jesse moaned, trusting his hips back into Shaun's. He was getting
turned on again, Shaun could see Jesse's slowly hardening cock in the mirror
over the sink.
But Shaun wasn't about to start something he couldn't finish. By now, school
was due to let out pretty soon, and there was no way he was going to risk being
walked in on by Jesse's stupid brother.
So instead of taking things further, Shaun slapped Jesse hard on the ass and
chuckled, pulling away from the redhead entirely.
"I've got to go call Will."
Jesse groaned, clearly frustrated, but Shaun ignored him. Jesse had forced him
to do enough gay stuff today as it was. He should be happy with what he got.
Of course, Shaun's jeans were a little tight in the crotch as well, but he was
good at self-denial. It barely even bothered him.
Even though Shaun rarely called Will's cellphone, he knew the number by heart.
Still, Shaun ventured downstairs to make his call, stealing the phone out of
Jesse's living room and bringing it to the kitchen table.
He punched in the numbers and waited through the rings, impatient to have this
particular task done. He knew Will would not be pleased that Shaun didn't plan
on showing up, but he'd just have to get over it. There weren't any better
guitarists in the area, and even Will, who had been the main vocals and guitar
in his old band, couldn't play as good as Shaun could.
The band took Shaun for advantage. Maybe if Shaun started missing gigs
occasionally they'd start treating him better. Or at least maybe they'd grovel.
"Hello?" Will grunted as he finally picked up the phone.
"Will." Shaun yanked himself from his stupid thoughts, forcing himself to pay
attention to the singer's groggy voice. He sounded like he'd just woken up.
"Oh, it's you." There was the sound of movement, rustling sheets, and a muffled
conversation featuring an unmistakably feminine voice before Will spoke again.
He sounded slightly more attentive this time. "What's up?"
"Do you have a girl over?" Shaun snorted, not really sure why he was asking. He
didn't give a damn what Will did, though he did feel a sudden and highly
insecure urge to suck up to his band leader, because as much as Shaun longed to
be appreciated and recognized as the great guitarist he was, the reality was
that Will seemed to be progressively more and more dissatisfied with him.
Shaun, even though he stubbornly ignored the fact, knew that Will was going to
be furious with him.
"Yeah." Will laughed. "Me and this chick had a hell of a time last night."
"Really?" Shaun said, drawing absent circles on the tabletop with his callused
finger tips.
He hoped he sounded interested. Even before Jesse, he'd had a hard time being
interested in Will's fucks and the extravagant stories of his many conquests.
Will snorted. "She's really hot. I might keep her around for a while."
Well, that was actually interesting!
"Like a girlfriend?" Will had always advocated the whole 'girlfriends ruin good
bands' philosophy. Shaun had been in Will's band for just over a year, and in
all that time Will had never had serious girlfriend.
"Like I said, she's a fucking firecracker, man." Will answered evasively. "I
bet even you'd be interested in her. Maybe a little."
"What?" Shaun would have probably let Will's comment slide, but the older man
laughed right after the strange comment. It wasn't a playful laugh either.
"You're a fag, right?" Will said abruptly. "You and that friend of yours are
fucking."
"No, we're not!" Shaun quickly denied, even as he felt his stomach sink. When
Will continued to laugh, Shaun slammed his fist onto the table for emphasis,
even though logically he knew Will wouldn't benefit from the display of anger.
"I'm not fucking anyone!"
"Whatever." Will said dismissively. "You can take it up the ass if you really
want too, man. I always kind of suspected you were a closet case."
"Shut up!" Shaun leapt his feet, letting the kitchen chair, upset by the sudden
movement, clatter to the floor behind him. "I'm not a closet case!"
"Dude, me and Danny saw you and your little boyfriend sneaking off together."
"We weren't sneaking!" Shaun yelled, frantically wondering when Will had
spotted him. Was it possible that Will and Danny had known he and Jesse were
screwing around in the bathroom? Did Will know that they'd stolen his weed so
they could have a gay little romance in the Wal-Mart parking lot?
He knew something though, and whatever it was caused him to start laughing
again. "Yeah, I guess you weren't really sneaking. You guys were like holding
hands and shit." Shaun gaped, trying to remember when he'd let Jesse hold his
hand and when he might have permitted it in front of the band. Will snorted
with amusement. "You fags are fucking shameless."
"FUCK YOU!" Shaun yelled, slamming the phone down on the table. He could still
hear Will's voice though, could still hear him fucking laughing. Just to shut
the asshole up, Shaun hurled the phone into the far wall. It shattered into a
spray of clunky plastic bits.
Was there anyone who didn't know Shaun was fucking a guy? Was nothing a secret
anymore? Since when had so many people known so much about his private life?
Shaun fumed as he stared at the remains of the shattered phone, lying on the
kitchen's linoleum floor. All this strife, all this stupid conflict between him
Kyle, Kenny and Eric, and the band…it was all because of Jesse. If Jesse had
never insisted on being gay, if Shaun had just continued to lust after the
redhead from afar, then none of this would have happened.
"Shaun?"
Shaun whirled around, his eyes automatically narrowing when he spotted Jesse
standing in the entrance to the kitchen.
There was no telling how long he had been standing there, listening, spying.
"What's going on? Are you alright?" Jesse asked, looking a little wary of
Shaun's scowl, but plowing ahead anyway. He stepped cautiously into the room.
"Was Will upset with you?"
"Even he knows that we're fucking around." Shaun snapped, putting an end to
Jesse's hesitant questions. "Everybody fucking knows."
"Oh." Jesse bit his lip. He'd finally gotten dressed again, and he wore a pair
of tight black jeans and a form fitting t-shirt. Even though he was covered,
Shaun couldn't help but ogle him. He hated how fucking attractive Jesse was. It
was like the redhead was some sort of fucking curse…a fucking beautiful curse.
"Are you mad at me?" Jesse had the nerve to ask after a long silent moment.
"Yes." Shaun affirmed through clenched teeth.
"Do you hate me?"
"Yeah."
Jesse's eyes widened slightly, his expression mirroring his hurt.
Shaun felt instantly guilty. He was really starting to get annoyed by how
easily influenced he was by Jesse's moods.  Shaun was helpless to stop himself
from moving to the other boy's side.
"I like you too much to hate you completely." He said gruffly. "You stupid
idiot." He added to make sure Jesse wouldn't get the wrong idea.
Yes, I like you, but no I'm not fucking happy with you right now.
Jesse turned his gaze unto Shaun and the bigger boy felt his annoyance with the
redhead melt away. Of course, despite his words, he didn't hate Jesse at all…
It was right there, in the middle of Jesse's little kitchen, humiliated and
shamed that the biggest secret he'd ever tried to keep now seemed to be public
knowledge, that Shaun admitted his true feelings to himself.
He loved Jesse, more than anyone or anything.  And even though it was stupid to
think and impossible to say…Shaun knew it was true.
Wordlessly, Shaun stroked Jesse's cheek, gently touching the redhead's battle
wounds.
They'd both been through a lot of shit in the last few weeks, and Shaun had a
feeling that they'd have to go through a lot more too, but he at least, for
once, wouldn't have to face everything alone.
Shaun and Jesse didn't bring up Will or the band again for the rest of the
night and Shaun was able to miss the band's gig virtually guilt free. He
convinced himself that he might have gone to play for Will, even with his
fucked up hand, if only the older man had paid him some fucking respect.
As it was, Shaun and Jesse barricaded themselves in Jesse's room and smoked the
last of Will's pot, both of them patiently waiting until they had to
responsible when Monica showed up with the babies.
It was more comfortable to watch the room's tiny TV from the floor than the
cramped upper bunk and Shaun refused to sit on Sam's bed, so they were sitting
on the floor, on a sleeping bag and a pile of blankets Jesse had dragged out of
the closet.
There wasn't really anything interesting on TV, but Shaun wished Jesse would
let him concentrate on the boring show instead of running his mouth. Watching
reruns of Ghost Hunters was much less annoying than all the shit Jesse kept
bringing up.
"So is that the last of it?" Jesse asked, watching as Shaun rolled the dirty
plastic baggie into a ball.
"Yeah." Shaun threw the ball towards the overflowing trash bin in the corner of
Jesse's bedroom, but his aim sucked. The wadded-up ball fell back to the floor,
unraveling back into a baggie.
"Who are we gonna buy from now?"
That was a good question. Shaun had been so wrapped up in wanting to kill Kyle
that he hadn't really thought about the pot.
"I don't know."
Jesse snuggled further into Shaun's side, sighing slightly as he rested his
head on Shaun's shoulder. "Kyle sold us some pretty good shit."
"Fuck him." Shaun put a possessive arm around Jesse's shoulders, angry that the
redhead had ever brought up the other boy's name.
"Yeah, he's a dick."
Shaun nodded, but the bulk of his attention remained on the TV.
It didn't seem to bother Jesse that Shaun was largely ignoring him. He
continued to chatter about this and that, his constant talking seeming to
please him somehow and Shaun wouldn't admit it, but it pleased him too.
A lot of the shit between them was dreadfully domestic and even though Shaun
thought it was all pretty lame, he also sort of equated domesticity with love.
In every single one of his early memories, his own parents had fought and
screamed and hated each other. He didn't have a single memory of them watching
TV together like he and Jesse were now. He didn't remember them ever laughing
together, like Jesse forced him to do on occasion. He didn't remember them ever
looking at one another other the way the little redhead looked at him.
And they, of course, had had a diseased and loveless marriage.
Because they could be together for hours on end, it must mean that they loved
each other. Jesse was irritating and – if everyone else was to be believed –
Shaun was an incredibly difficult person to be around. But the fact that
Jesse's running commentary only made Shaun roll his eyes occasionally and that
Jesse didn't mind Shaun's random and sometimes mean comments, only strengthened
Shaun's faith that his relationship with Jesse wasn't just a passing fling or
an elaborate joke.
So, yes. Being with Jesse for extended periods of time grated on his nerves,
tested the limits of his nearly nonexistent patience and made him probably the
happiest he'd ever been in his entire life.
And then the door being flung open interrupted Jesse's incomprehensible
monologue. They both turned to see Jesse's littlest brother hurrying into the
room.
Shaun was happy to see him, he even smiled at the little blond.
"Hey buddy." He said pleasantly, laughing when Brian climbed into his lap and
asked if he'd brought a new movie to watch.
"Brian? Is Mom still here?" Jesse asked, cutting Shaun off before he could
answer. He sat up jerkily, putting a little distance between Shaun and himself.
Shaun hadn't even thought of how awkward things could have become had Monica
walked in on them snuggling and he scooted a few more inches away from Jesse,
not really wanting anyone else finding out about him and the redhead today.
"No." Brian answered promptly. "She said had to go. She's really busy."
"Hmm." Jesse muttered. He got slowly to his feet, wobbling unevenly. "I'll be
right back." He promised before he left the room. Shaun could hear him
descending the stairs.
"So did you bring me a movie, Shaun?" Brian asked excitedly, not seeming to
notice that Jesse had left the room. It was weird to think that a few weeks ago
Shaun would have been completely weirded out being left alone with a three-
year-old. While he was under no illusions that all kids were as great as Brian
was, he was just very glad that he was Jesse's brother.
"I didn't bring anything tonight, kid." He told the blond and then quickly
continued when Brian made a cute – and very familiar – pouty face. "But I think
Predator's on tonight. You'll like that."
"Ok." Brian agreed cheerfully, reaching up to wrap his little arms around
Shaun's neck.
Shaun froze, holding completely still while Brian finished hugging him.
"I think you should marry Jesse…than you could be my other big brother." Brian
said seriously, finally pulling back.
Shaun didn't know whether to be more shocked that Brian had picked up on his
and Jesse's relationship, or that the three-year-old seemed to have some
understanding of how marriage worked. Of course, guys couldn't get married, no
matter how much they might have liked each other.
Shaun had never cared all that much for the gay marriage plight, and even now
when he found himself in a homosexual relationship –and oh fuck, admitting to
it sounded stupid even in Shaun's head – he still didn't care that he couldn't
marry Jesse. Marriage was probably the most miserable kind of relationship you
could have with someone, Shaun was sure.
But Shaun wasn't about to murder the kid's dreams.
"Yeah." He said cautiously. "Maybe I will."
Brian hugged Shaun again, and luckily changed the subject. Brian was busy
telling Shaun about his surprisingly interesting day at preschool when Jesse
shambled back upstairs.
"Hey, Brian." Jesse called to the little blond situated in Shaun's lap. The
toddler looked over at Jesse, smiling slightly. Shaun could see the little
boy's eyes light up with a familiar hero worship and he was briefly grateful
that Brian was able to share some of that worship with him. It felt strangely
satisfying to have someone look up to him.
"Yeah?"
"Can you go play in your room for a minute, I need to talk to Shaun."
Brian pouted again but he was already getting up and walking towards Jesse.
"See you later." He called halfheartedly as he was shepherded from the room.
Once Brian was properly expelled from the bedroom, Jesse came fully back into
the room, shutting the door behind him. Shaun was a little worried by the
dramatics, but he waited patiently for Jesse to speak, watching him cross the
cluttered floor and only feeling a tad impatient.
"Mom's definitely dating someone." He said as he flopped back down next to
Shaun. He curled up against Shaun, sliding his arms around the bigger boy's
waist.
Shaun was instantly uncomfortable with the amount of affection Jesse was paying
him, especially when juxtaposed with such a strange topic of conversation. He
had to consciously force himself to relax
"What does it matter?" He asked simply, hoping to get Jesse to stop slavering
over him.
However, the other boy pressed his lips against Shaun's side. He could feel the
heat of the redhead's mouth, even thorough his t-shirt.
"Mom's got a terrible track record with men." Jesse muttered after a moment.
Shaun was frozen in his spot, not wanting to move and make Jesse's mouth break
its tremulous contact with his side. "Usually after she breaks it off with some
guy she decides she can't stand to stick around anymore and she packs us all up
and we leave."
"What?" Shaun forgot about wanting to keep Jesse's mouth on himself and he
pushed on Jesse's shoulders forcing him to sit up. "Why would she do that?"
"I don't know. She says she feels trapped."
Jesus fucking Christ! Could it be that all this trouble Shaun was currently
going through could be worth nothing? Was it possible that Jesse's family was
just going to pack up and move in the near future?
"I just went downstairs to see if Sam thought mom was acting off again, and he
said she barely even said a word to anyone. She just dropped off Brian and
Lissa… she was so busy texting she didn't look up once."
"So that means she's definitely with someone?" That seemed like a pretty big
leap of logic for Shaun, but he didn't know anything about Jesse's mom. Maybe
the bitch didn't know anyone, and only used her phone for boyfriends.
"Well…" Jesse hesitated, chewing anxiously on his lower lip. "I mean, she texts
her sister a lot."
"See!" Shaun pointed out triumphantly. "Your mom isn't seeing anyone. She's
just talking to your aunt."
"Yeah, but she doesn't get so wrapped up in talking to her sister that she
completely ignores us. She only gets that self-absorbed when she gets a
boyfriend."
Shaun grunted, not really knowing how to respond. He really didn't want to have
to analyze Jesse's mother's actions. He didn't give a rat's ass if the woman
was getting banged by seven different guys, a different one every single night
of the week. But Jesse was concerned, so he was immediately concerned as well.
Being in love with someone was really stupid and inconvenient.
"It doesn't matter anyway, right?" Shaun suggested tentatively, keeping his
voice as soothing as he could possibly make it. Jesse turned his face towards
Shaun, like a plant reaching for the sun, but that was a stupid analogy because
Shaun wasn't a fucking sun…he didn't even let off light. He was dark and
menacing. Most people were afraid of him, it was why Kenny and Eric had waited
until he was out of the picture until they beat the crap out of Jesse. "I turn
18 pretty soon…and then we can get out of this hell hole. You know, like I
promised you we would." At the time, Shaun hadn't really thought he was going
to follow through with that particular promise, but he hadn't been able to stop
thinking about it ever since it had been made. He'd sorta thought that Jesse
would get sick and tired of putting up with him and eventually leave, but maybe
not. Maybe this was just the excuse Jesse needed to leave with him.
"You did promise that." Jesse said softly as he gazed at Shaun from under his
pretty lashes. "But…"And it seemed like there was always a fucking 'but' with
Jesse. Shaun was instantly on edge.
"I thought you wanted to come with me." Shaun reminded the other boy harshly,
sensing Jesse was going to back down. How embarrassing would it be if Jesse had
only meant that promise before, when they hadn't been together, but now that
they were officially an 'item' – Shaun cringed at the stupidly of that term –
he didn't want to follow Shaun anymore.
"I do!" Jesse said quickly. "I just…I can't leave Brian behind."
Shaun grunted. He hadn't even thought of the kid, but now that he did he sort
of felt guilty for plotting to take his big brother somewhere far away.
A strange will to protect Jesse came to the front of his thoughts, forcing him
to cancel everything he'd just said with a bit of denial.
"Your mom's probably not dating anyone, anyway. You're worried over nothing."
"I hope so." Jesse muttered, clearly not comforted in the least by Shaun's
quick denial. Still he leaned closer to Shaun and kissed him softly on the
cheek. Shaun frowned, not liking the connotations of a cheek kiss and he
reached up to grasp Jesse's chin firmly, holding him still while he kissed his
mouth properly.
It was still weird kissing a guy, kissing anyone at all really, but Shaun liked
to think he was getting pretty good at. The little redhead certainly seemed to
think he was doing a good job, for he all but climbed into Shaun's lap to get
closer, his arms coming up and around Shaun's neck and effectively keeping the
bigger boy's mouth plastered to his own.
"Just don't leave me, ok?" Jesse whispered when they broke apart. His words
caused a spurt of warm air to tickle Shaun's lips pleasantly. Shaun bit Jesse's
plump lower lip, nibbling and sucking on it languidly. "Oh Shaun…please…" Jesse
moaned.
But Shaun had had enough promises today. He'd already admitted his love for
Jesse…in his head…and he'd already probably fucked up his position with his
band because of the boy in his lap. He was pretty sure that his actions spoke
louder than his words and truth be told, he was a little weirded out by how
needy Jesse could be at times. Don't leave me? Jesse had asked, begged
actually.
Shaun couldn't even picture cutting Jesse out of his life any longer. Not for
long anyway. He no longer had a desire to be alone.
But what did that mean for Shaun? Did that mean he was going to be perpetually
stuck in this hellhole? Did it mean that he'd have to give up his dream of
becoming a metal god to stay by Jesse's side?
But the real question was, where did his devotion to Jesse end? How much more
was he going to give up to be with him?
However, Shaun had a really big fucking erection and right now he wasn't really
thinking about what he was going to lose or miss out on, at that moment he was
more concerned with what he could get out of his boyfriend.
"Do you want to ah…" Shaun ran his fingers through Jesse's hair, liking the way
Jesse shivered at the gentle caress. "Suck me off again?" He was ashamed of how
much he had liked watching Jesse worship his cock earlier, but he couldn't deny
how much of a turn on it had been.
Jesse gasped, his pretty little mouth looking almost indecent as he spoke.
"My family's downstairs…" He said in a breathy moan, sounding like he was more
turned on by that fact than creeped out. Unfortunately, Shaun had forgot about
the kids downstairs, and the toddler in the next room, waiting for them to be
finished talking so that he could come watch Predator. Shaun was half grateful
to be reminded, but he was mostly irritated that Jesse had so effectively
ruined the mood.
"Never mind then." Shaun said sourly.
"Oh, c'mon." Jesse laughed as those infernal blue eyes of his sparkling with
mirth. "I can do it fast."
"Sure you can." Shaun snorted sarcastically while rolling his eyes.
"And if anyone comes in, I'll just say that we're playing a game."
"Ha!" Shaun exclaimed. "What kind of game is that? See how far you can get dick
down your throat? Sounds real fucking fun."
"It does, actually." Jesse laughed again, sliding out of Shaun's lap and
reaching casually for the bigger boy's fly. "Sucking dick's not nearly as bad
as I thought it'd be. It's a hell of a lot easier than going down on a chick."
"Fuck!" Shaun slapped Jesse's hands away, disgusted that the other boy would
even bring up girls at a time like this. The comment also made him insanely
jealous, but Shaun wasn't about to admit to that. "You're a fucking slut, you
know that?"
"I am not." Jesse ignored Shaun's obvious refusal and reached for Shaun's jeans
again, this time succeeding and pulling out Shaun's half hard cock. All the
conversation had dissipated Shaun's erection somewhat, but that little problem
was almost instantly rectified by Jesse's warm hand working his cock in a
disturbingly affectionate manner. "I don't know. Maybe I am a slut. I'm your
slut."
"Jesse, shut up." Shaun complained halfheartedly. He had decided to give into
Jesse somewhat. If the redhead really wanted to suck him off, then he'd let
him, against his better judgment. But that didn't mean he had to talk about
what a slut he was during it.
"I think I love your cock." Jesse said anyway, before he leaned over Shaun's
lap and sucked just the tip of Shaun's cock into his mouth.
"I keep telling you…ah…you're a natural fag…fuck!" Shaun sucked in a breath,
trying to hold it in and keep himself quiet. He hadn't made much noise this
morning, or at least he didn't think he had. But he couldn't afford to make a
sound now. The last thing he wanted was to be—
There was a brief knock on the door before it swung open, revealing probably
the last person Shaun would have expected.
"What the fuck are you doing here?!" Shaun yelled, jumping and immediately
trying to pull himself out of Jesse's mouth.
The redhead, surprised by the sudden movement, bit down on Shaun's cock before
he could stop himself.
"OW! Fuck!" Shaun shouted at the unexpected pain. Roughly, he pushed Jesse
away, pulling his shirt down over himself as he glared death at the figure in
the doorway.
"Oh, shit! Sorry." Ben cried, shielding his eyes dramatically. "Jesus Christ,
I'm sorry."
There was an unbearably silent moment, where Ben tried not to look, Shaun
fought with his embarrassment and pain and Jesse wiped spit from his lips and
pulled a bundle of blankets into his lap to cover his still prominent erection.
Surprisingly Jesse was the first to break the awkward silence, licking his lips
one last time before he spoke.
"What are you doing here?" Jesse repeated Shaun's earlier demand, his voice
hoarse but much calmer than Shaun's had been.
"I ah…" Ben stumbled over his words for a moment, his hand still firmly
covering his eyes. After another moment of Ben composing himself, he finally
seemed to work out what he was trying to say. "Will called and told me that you
were, and I quote, 'a cock loving cum guzzler' and that he was considering
kicking you out of the band."
"Oh yeah?" Shaun stood up, casting Ben a suspicious look before he raised his
shirt and glanced down at his dick. It was a little red, but Jesse's teeth
hadn't broken the skin or anything.
Shaun was no stranger to pain, but even with all the places he'd cut himself
he'd never thought to do it on his dick. That had seriously hurt.
"Is it ok?" Jesse whispered, pulling on Shaun's leg so that he would turn
towards the redhead, giving him a better look. "Sorry, baby." Jesse said
softly, reaching out to stroke his fingers over Shaun's reddened flesh. Shaun
jerked out of Jesse's reach, impatiently tucking his dick away in his boxers
and zipping up his jeans.
"Uh…do you want me to leave?" Ben had cautiously lowered his hand and was
looking around nervously as if he suspected Jesse and Shaun were hiding more
secret gay shit and that at any moment it would pop out, and possibly rape the
older man up the ass.
Shaun dismissed Ben's question, asking a much more pressing one of his own.
"What are you doing here, man? How did you even find me?"
Ben looked around out in the hall, peering to the left then the right, before
he gingerly edged his way into Jesse's bedroom, shutting the door firmly behind
him.
"Shit! What happened to your face?" Ben squinted across the room at the black
and blue marks on Jesse's face. "Did you get in a fight?" Jesse shrugged
noncommittally, clearly not wanting to discuss it, which was odd. Whenever
Jesse and Ben were together they liked to chat each other's ears off. Shaun
wondered if Jesse was upset. Upset that his new favorite pastime of cock
sucking had been interrupted.
Either way, Ben nodded shortly at Jesse's non-answer and changed the subject.
"Your brother's a trip, Jesse." He told the redhead sarcastically. "He tells me
you and Shaun are up here getting high and when I open the door I get hit over
the head with some hot gay sex."
"Fuck you." Shaun muttered, moving to stand away from Jesse's still sitting
form. He felt like it was prudent to put a bit of distance between them as
there was no telling what Jesse was liable to do if he were truly upset.
Ben laughed at Shaun's dismissive tone, coming to stand by the edge of Sam's
bed. "Do you guys have any weed left? I need a hit real bad."
"No, sorry." Jesse said, truly sounding like he regretted not being able to
offer up any illegal substances. "My mom might have some beer in the
refrigerator though, if you want." Shaun frowned at that offer. As many times
as Shaun had hung out with the redhead, Jesse had never once offered him any
beer. Jesse, of course, caught the hostile look and shook his head. "If she's
sneaking around seeing some guy, than she doesn't deserve to have any fucking
beer." The redhead declared matter-of-factly. "You can have some too, if you
want." He offered.
Shaun shook his head, folding his arms tightly over his chest and generally
feeling betrayed. Jesse sighed slightly and fisted a hand in his hair.
"Um…that's alright." Ben shook his head too, sensing the tension in the room.
He glanced in Shaun's direction, finally deigning to answer one of his fucking
questions. "I ah…I went to your house and talked to your grandma."
"Great." Now Ruth would be bugging him about his dead-beat friends looking for
him whenever he bothered to go home.
"Anyways, she said you'd probably be here." Ben finished awkwardly.
"Yeah, well you've found me." Shaun snapped impatiently, thinking that he'd
finally figured out why the older man was here. "And you've delivered your
stupid little message and I've been warned. I'm not going around Will anymore.
Fuck, I don't want to be in Will's fucked up band anymore anyway." Despite
feeling stupid, Shaun was hurt that Ben had decided to be the one to tell him
he was going to be kicked out of the band. It wasn't like he'd wanted Will to
do it, or god forbid Danny, but he was actually really embarrassed to be seen
in this situation by Ben, a guy whom he'd always kind of respected, or at least
liked.
But Ben laughed again, amused with Shaun's foul mood. "I'm not really here to
warn you, Shaun. I actually came to tell you that I quit the band."
Shaun's eyes widened dramatically. "You did?"
"Yeah. Why do you think I'm here? The show starts in like…" Ben checked his
watch. "Like fifteen minutes." Ben grinned wryly as a thought occurred to him.
"Well, I'm guessing Will probably had to cancel by now. What with the guitarist
and the bassist missing."
"No shit." Shaun scoffed, though he was really quite impressed. Had Ben quit
the band for him? Ben had never been as obsessed with the music as Shaun was,
but Ben had never missed a practice and he was a pretty damn good player. Shaun
had automatically thought that meant Ben was committed to the band, but
obviously not.
"Yeah, I was thinking about doing it for a while now, but that stupid call was
just the last fucking straw." Ben smiled as if he could see the amazement on
Shaun's face, but that was impossible as Shaun was keeping a very tight hold on
his emotions.
"That's great!" Jesse piped up, his grin huge and silly. "I was just telling
Shaun the other day that you guys should start your own band."
"Really." Ben rubbed his chin in a classic pose of thought. "Maybe we should."
He said after a moment.
Shaun rolled his eyes. "Yeah? And who's going to be the lead singer. Who's
going to drum? Who's going to fucking write our songs?"
"Well," Ben started, with a faraway look on his face. "I know someone who can
drum. My sister-in-law actually…well, she's going to be my sister-in-law,
anyway. She's pretty fucking good."
"Yeah, ok." Shaun snorted with amusement, not even mentioning the fact that
girls couldn't drum. There was no point really, seeing as how Jesse's and Ben's
dumb band idea wouldn't even get off the ground if they didn't have a front
man. "And who's gonna sing?"
"You!" Jesse said immediately.
"I already told you Jesse, I can't fucking sing." Shaun hissed through clenched
teeth, annoyed with the redhead's suggestion.
"Dude, I bet you'd be a badass singer." Ben agreed with Jesse's nomination.
"You've definitely got the death metal vibe down, anyway."
"Shut up!"
"I know, right? I told him that the other day and he wouldn't believe me."
"Jesse!"
"Yeah. And it's not like Shaun can't write. Will used to come up with these
shitty songs and Shaun would completely rewrite them. The guitar parts, the
bass too. He'd even change most of the lyrics around, but then Will would
usually get pissed and he'd change it all back."
"That's not true!" Well, it was at least partially true.
The sound of his friend – and Ben was his friend, Shaun realized – and his
boyfriend – Shaun wasn't even going to examine that particular label – building
him up like he was some sort of musical genius, made Shaun extremely
uncomfortable.
Shaun had never wanted to be anything but a guitarist. He didn't want to make
up songs, or sing them. The front man of a band had to be a leader, something
he'd never aspired to in his life. He would have to be charismatic and
likeable, and in all honesty, Shaun knew he was neither of those. He felt like
his so-called friends were setting him up to fail. Maybe they weren't doing it
purposefully, but Shaun was still angry at them. He didn't want to be held to
some false image of himself.
Flushing with a combination of frustration and embarrassment, Shaun cut off Ben
and Jesse's suddenly exclusive conversation on how amazing he was with a growl.
"Fuck you guys! I said I didn't want to be a singer! I'm a fucking GUITARIST!"
Jesse and Ben mercifully fell silent.
"Shaun." Ben and Jesse said at the exact same moment. The two of them glanced
at each other and seemed to have a silent conversation between themselves
before Jesse continued in Ben's stead.
"Shaun, we're only suggesting that you try." Shaun scoffed at the redhead's
plea, but let him continue talking. "We both see potential in you and I just
don't want you to miss out on something that you might be good at just because
you've never pictured yourself doing it."
"Yeah, man." Ben agreed with Jesse's silly speech much to Shaun's disdain. "We
can do anything we want now that Will's not down our throats. I honestly don't
know why we didn't quit sooner."
"I didn't quit." Shaun sneered, putting specific emphasis on the 'I'. "I was
perfectly happy with the way things were." But that was a huge lie, and
everyone in the room knew it. The only justification Shaun could find to make
his statement true was that he hadn't ever hated Will's leadership. The ex-rock
star had known a lot of shit that Shaun hadn't, and he'd used it to gain them a
modicum of popularity, which was more than Shaun had ever had what with his
shitty attitude and his blatant unattractiveness.
"Well, you can go and find another band if you want, but I think that we should
at least take a shot at going out on our own." Ben said in a firm 'take it or
leave it' kind of tone.
Shaun hadn't really gotten around to thinking about what he was going to do now
that he was unofficially kicked out of his band. But now that he thought about
searching for decent metal groups, auditioning for fucking jackoffs who
wouldn't know a good song if it raped them up the ass, trying to assimilate
himself into a completely different band dynamic than the one he had become
used to this past year with Execute Invasion…it all sounded like such a fucking
hassle, that even though Shaun was sure he was going to regret the decision, he
shrugged his shoulders, agreeing to start a new band  with Ben in the most
reluctant way possible.
"Alright!" Ben stood up, coming over to give Shaun a high five. Shaun declined,
folding his arm across his chest stubbornly. Ben's smile didn't diminish. "We
should go celebrate. C'mon. I'll take you boys out for some fun."
Getting spectacularly drunk sounded great at this point. Fuck, just getting out
of Jesse's cramped bedroom sounded nice, even if he did have to put up with
Ben's chipper mood. And maybe he and Jesse could find somewhere to be alone for
a little while so they could finish what Ben had interrupted.
"You guys go ahead." Jesse said, instantly crushing Shaun's hopes of getting
his blowjob.
"What?" Ben turned to the redhead with probably the most unconvincing pout
Shaun had ever seen, and he'd been putting up with a lot of top notch pouting
since he'd met Jesse. "Come with us. It'll be fun."
"Naw, I've got to babysit."
Shaun frowned. He'd forgotten about the kids, and about Brian. He was instantly
guilt ridden. He was always so easily forgetting about Brian, when the kid was
clearly crazy about him. Shaun was an asshole.
"I've got to stay too." Shaun told Ben, only feeling the slightest bit let down
that he wouldn't be able to hang out with his friend. "I promised Jesse's
little brother that we'd watch Predator."
"No, it's ok." Jesse assured Shaun while Ben groaned in disappointment that he
would apparently be celebrating by himself tonight. "You deserve a night off
from watching me babysit. Go brainstorm some awesome songs with your new band."
"Yeah, c'mon Shaun." Ben begged.
It was no hardship for Shaun to stay. He actually really didn't mind hanging
around for the rest of the night. He liked being with Brian, watching movies
with him and just listening to the amusing shit he thought up. And of course,
he liked being with Jesse, that fact had long ago been well established.
Whether or not he got blown wasn't really part of the equation, though it would
be nice.
"You'll be at school tomorrow?" Shaun asked Jesse, ignoring Ben's pleading.
"Yeah."
"Well…" Shaun felt guilty doing it, but he did want the numb sensation a couple
of stiff drinks could give him, especially after his stupid decision to start a
band on his own. "I'll see you tomorrow, I guess."
Shaun was relieved to see Jesse smile. He hadn't been seeking any sort of
permission, but it was nice to get it anyway.
"Have fun." Jesse finally stood up and walked to Shaun's side. He looped his
arms around Shaun's neck, pulling him down. "Love you." He said, his voice soft
and breathy. Ben laughed delightedly as he watched Jesse and Shaun kiss. Shaun
didn't think there was anything funny about it however, and he struggled out of
Jesse's hold to glare at the older man, angry that he had yet again
interrupted.
"Sorry." Ben's apology was thin, especially delivered with his shit-eating
grin. "I just…you guys are really cute."
Jesse snorted. "Thanks."
"Fuck off." Shaun directed at his one and only band member, before he gave his
boyfriend one last, decidedly pathetic, look.  Wanting to escape from further
awkwardness, Shaun roughly grabbed Ben by the scruff of his shirt and pulled
him out of the room.
Before he could leave, however, he felt somewhat obligated to say goodnight to
Brian.
He knocked on the little boy's bedroom door, and then feeling impatient and
guilty for the exchange to be over, opened it before the boy could.
"Hey, I have to go, Brian." Shaun blurted.
"Really?" Brian was sitting on the floor, playing with some action figures.
He'd had a small content smile on his little face but it slowly turned to
disappointment. "How come?"
"Ah…" How could Shaun best relate to the little boy that he really needed a
drink? He was pretty sure, no matter how clever the kid might seem, that he
didn't know a lot about alcohol. And he probably wouldn't understand why he was
being abandoned for booze anyway. "My friend wants to hang out with me." He
said lamely, pointing behind him at Ben.
"What's up." Ben greeted in his perpetually friendly manner.
"But what about Jesse?" Brian asked, looking quite heartbroken. "I thought he
was your friend."
"He is." Shaun sighed. "But I've gotta go with Ben today."
"Oh." Brian lowered his head, pouting extravagantly. "Ok."
"Fuck." Shaun grunted under his breath. What was more pathetic than breaking a
promise to a 3-year-old?
Even though he knew he'd probably never hear the end of it, Shaun went into the
room and crouched down beside Brian. The little blond looked up curiously,
clearly not expecting the move.
"I promise I'll be here tomorrow night. I promise for real." Brian nodded with
Shaun's words, looking very solemn and adult. Sighing, Shaun reached out and
gathered the little boy in his arms, hugging him tightly. Brian clung to him,
starved for attention.
Shaun absently wondered if he'd ever been so blatantly needy and figured that
he probably had at one point. His parents had never given a shit about him and
he'd rarely seen his grandparents. The only interaction he'd ever gotten were
from kids his own age who had always been wary of him, even when he hadn't been
infamous because of his parents' murder/suicide. He hugged the boy in his arms
tighter, mentally promising him that he'd try to be around as much as possible.
"Bye." Brian said gravely. Shaun ruffled the little blond's hair before he
stood up and returned to Ben's side.
The older man was doing his best to hold in a very stupid looking grin. Shaun
pushed him down the hall, already irritated with him. He tried to remember why
going out with Ben had seemed like a good idea.
Sam was downstairs, watching TV by himself. The little asshole gave Shaun a
vicious look as he walked past.
The little shithead blamed Shaun for getting Jesse beat up, and he'd said as
much yesterday when Shaun had stopped by.
It had angered Shaun a lot to have the blame of Jesse's attackers centered
solely on him, even if it was by Jesse's punk ass little brother.
It might have even been responsible for Shaun's overly violent retaliation
yesterday. Shaun had tried to play it off as no big deal earlier when he had
been relating the story to Jesse, but even Shaun had been a little surprised by
how badly he had hurt Eric and Kenny.
He didn't regret it, but he'd been amazed nonetheless.
Sam didn't say a word as Shaun and Ben passed by. Ben was nice enough to wish
the younger boy a good night, but Sam merely sneered and turned petulantly back
to the TV.
Outside, Shaun got into Ben's car without a word. He didn't want to discuss
anything that had gone on inside, and he knew if he said anything Ben would
figure out a way to bring up everything Shaun would rather not talk about.
Shaun had apparently underestimated his friend however, and Ben immediately
started in on an awkward topic.
"I never knew you liked kids. I sorta thought you'd scare them off." Ben said
as he started up his car. "You were really sweet with Jesse's little brother,
though."
"Jesus Christ…" Shaun muttered, crossing his arms and looking determinedly out
the window, considering getting out and just going back inside.
"Maybe when me and Angela have a kid, you'd be up for babysitting."
"Go fuck yourself."
Ben laughed and dropped the issue of Brian. Shaun started to relax, especially
when Ben asked where he though was the best and the closest place to get
something to drink.
They settled for a dive bar about 10 minutes from Jesse's house. In the past,
Shaun had frequented the shitty establishment alone, just to get some cheap
booze from the apathetic bartender and to get out of the house. He hadn't been
back for months however and the way things were going now, he didn't see
himself ever coming here alone ever again.
And wasn't that an interesting thought.
Ben and Shaun ordered drinks and took them to a table in the corner. Shaun
liked sitting here best because he could lean against the wall and just observe
everyone in the joint. He was partially hidden in the shadows, and of course
nobody in a bar like this was too observant anyway, so Shaun got away with his
habit for people-watching relatively easy.
"So, you really want to start a band up? Or were you just going along with
Jesse?" Ben asked after a few minutes of silence. He seemed a little out of
place in the gloomy bar, but he took it in stride, as he did everything else.
He waited for Shaun's answer with a knowing smile.
"I guess we should try it." Shaun shrugged. He didn't care either way, really.
He thought he'd made that pretty clear earlier. He knew that this little
experiment of theirs would fail miserably, but if they all wanted it so badly,
who as Shaun to fucking stop them?
"If you come over to my house this weekend, I'll try to get Gretchen to come
play with us."
"What? We don't even know what we're going to be playing yet!" Shaun hissed,
starting to think this was not only going to fail, but that it was going to be
a huge waste of time as well.
"Yeah, well, she can help us out." Ben declared, not looking worried at all.
"She's cool."
"Whatever."
They sat in silence for another moment. Shaun quickly finished his beer and was
thinking about getting up for another when Ben spoke again.
"So…things looked like they were going alright between you and Jesse." Ben
started off casually. Shaun tensed. "You left in such a big hurry Saturday that
I thought you two had a fight or something."
Shaun shrugged noncommittally. "Jesse was being an idiot." He paused as he
tried to remember the details of that hazy night. "I was being an idiot." He
amended.
"You guys looked ok today, though." Ben said cheerfully. "I probably owe you an
apology for walking in on you two like that. I can't even imagine how pissed
off you must have been."
"About as pissed off as I am for you bringing it up again." Shaun snapped.
"Fuck! What is your problem?" Why couldn't the older man just let him relax and
enjoy himself?!
"I went to college for two years, you know."
Shaun raised an eyebrow at the complete change in subject. He hadn't wanted to
talk about his blue balls however, so he went along with it. "Yeah? And what
about it?"
"When I was there, I kinda hooked up with this guy. His name was Kayden….We
actually had more than just a hook up, but I don't know what to call it
really."
Realizing that his friend might actually have a point, and also being somewhat
interested in what the supposedly straight man had to say about gay sex, Shaun
waited for Ben to continue speaking instead of cutting him off.
"I was totally infatuated with this kid." Ben said in a sorrowful tone. "We had
a class together…I can't even remember what it was, but I would always ask him
back to my dorm to study and we'd always end up fucking around."
"I know chicks are supposed to do the lesbian thing in college, but I didn't
think that applied to guys." Shaun said blandly, just to make Ben
uncomfortable. He was the one feeling weird however. Ben had been 'infatuated'
with a guy and now he was preparing to marry some stupid cunt? What could Ben
possibly be trying to say?
"I don't know man. I don't think it's common or anything." Ben said evasively
before continuing. "Anyways, after a few weeks he started acting weird and
avoiding me. I went to his dorm one night, just to see what was up with him,
and I just about walked in on him fucking some black guy." Ben looked a little
sad as he swirled the remains of his beer around the bottom of his bottle. "The
guy was his boyfriend or something. He was totally fucking built, really good-
looking and popular and all that good stuff. There was no way I could ever
compete with a guy like that."
"Huh?" Shaun found himself muttering his confusion out loud. This story wasn't
going in the direction he had thought it would.
"Yeah. I think I might have been in love with him…with Kayden." Ben said
morosely. "He was just fooling around with me behind his boyfriend's back and
yet I'd fallen for him."
Shaun stared at the man sitting across the table from him, wondering if Ben
were about to confess that he'd fucked Jesse behind his back. He really hoped
Ben hadn't, because his hands were already hurting bad enough as it was without
beating the ever-loving shit out of Ben as well.
"When I saw you with Jesse earlier, I was kind of jealous. Jesse kind of
reminds me of Kayden."
Before Shaun had really processed Ben's words he was leaning over the table and
hauling Ben up by the front of his shirt.
"What are you trying to say, Ben?" Shaun growled into the other man's face,
shaking Ben by his fistful of shirt. "If you ever even lay a hand on Jesse…I'll
kill you. I fucking swear to god I will!"
"Dude!" Ben pushed against Shaun's chest until he relented a bit, letting Ben
go and slumping back into his seat. He glared forcefully across the table as if
he could stop any past transgressions by watching Ben like a hawk.
Ben fell back into his seat, choking slightly from the unexpected move. "I
didn't touch him!" He finally managed to sputter. "I was just trying to say
that I know what it's like to be fucked up about some guy!" He pleaded.
"Stop pissing me off." Shaun said through gritted teeth, poking a finger at the
other man in warning.
"I'm not into Jesse. I'm getting married, remember." Ben earnestly reminded
Shaun. Shaun however, had taken to staring sullenly at the bar, wanting to get
up but finding he was rooted to the spot. He had this horrible feeling that if
he got up he'd punch Ben right in the mouth. It was really a testament to how
much he liked the other man that he refrained.
"I don't want you talking about him like that." Shaun responded grudgingly.
"I'm just trying to be supportive." Ben said tentatively.
He really didn't want to examine his feelings too closely, but Ben was forcing
him too. Shaun knew he had reacted strongly, and he'd done so because he was so
fucking insecure about his relationship with Jesse. One of the chief reasons
he'd never sought out a romantic relationship with anyone was because he had
never wanted to feel like this…vulnerable and afraid that Jesse was going to be
taken away from him and that there was really very little he could do about it.
Shaun felt himself scowl as all this ran through his mind. He was intensely
irritated with himself, and with everyone in existence if he were being
entirely honest.
"You really love him, don't you?" Ben asked, his voice soft and whispery.
"Why the fuck do you even care?!" Shaun asked, blushing at the other boy's
quick assessment of him. Though perhaps it wasn't as quick as all that, Ben had
probably been watching him for longer than Shaun even realized.
"Because man," Ben smiled sheepishly, reaching across the tiny table to slap
Shaun on the shoulder. "We're starting a band together."
"What does that have to do with it?" Shaun didn't see why it was important.
Will and Danny had never given a shit about him and yet they had had all been
in a band with each other for over a year.
"Do I really have to spell it out for you?" Shaun tensed immediately at Ben's
sarcastic tone but the other boy cut him off before he could say anything. "I
care about you, you fucking idiot. You're my friend."
Shaun might have been more skeptical of Ben's blatant admission if Ben hadn't
have come to Jesse's house looking for him tonight. His actions lately proved
that the other boy must have felt something for him, but having it said
outright was still a little unexpected. Plus, the annoyed way that he had
admitted his feelings reminded him of Jesse's first confession of love. Shaun
got a warm, melty feeling in his stomach when he remembered that particular
day. The feeling he got this time, while not as terrifying – not even by half –
was equally as warm, equally as comfortable. Shaun was a little annoyed with
himself for feeling so emotional over something that most people would barely
even think twice about.
Making friends and finding someone to love wasn't anything spectacular to
other, normal people, but to Shaun it felt like some sort of miracle.
"You don't have to say anything." Ben said, watching as Shaun mulled over his
latest announcement. "Ok, now I think I've pissed you off enough for one
night." Ben paused to laugh at Shaun's dramatic eye roll. "C'mon. I'll buy you
another drink."
The rest of the night proceeded in exactly the way Shaun would have though
their night of celebration should have gone and he was finally able to focus on
getting drunk, rather than on a tedious discussion.
Ben bought the next round of drinks but Shaun bought the round after that,
buying them both his favorite drink of the house, his favorite mainly because
it was big and contained an ungodly amount of alcohol.
By the time Ben was ready to go home for the night they were both feeling
pretty good. Ben drove Shaun the short distance home, slurring his way through
some stupid story about his fiancé. Shaun listened with a huge grin on his
face, laughing in all the wrong places. Ben was laughing too though, so it was
alright. As they got to Shaun's house, Ben paused before he drove into the
driveway.
"You sure you don't want me to drop you off at Jesse's?"
"What!" Shaun snorted. "Nooooo." Though he had to admit that as soon as Ben had
suggested it, he was suddenly very tempted to go next door and find out if the
little redhead was still awake.
It was just past 2 in the morning however, and as much as Shaun might have
wanted to visit Jesse and possibly receive the end of his blowjob, he didn't
want to wake him up. Jesse looked so sweet when he slept and Shaun would hate
himself if he woke the redhead up to badger him with his lame sexual advances.
Ben shrugged and pulled into Shaun's driveway. "It's alright. I won't be
getting any ass either." The older man admitted sourly. "Angela hates when I
come home drunk."
"Jesse doesn't care." Shaun said with a note of superiority, remembering how
badly Jesse had wanted him the last time they'd been together drunk. Jesse had
resorted to jumping him in the men's bathroom after all, and before everything
had gone to shit, Shaun was pretty sure they'd both been enjoying themselves.
"Pfft, you're lucky."
That was the second time tonight Ben had something to that effect. Had Shaun
not been so wasted, he might have become enraged with the older man obviously
coveting his boyfriend. As it was, Shaun playfully punched Ben's shoulder and
told him to fuck off.
"Remember, come over to my house Saturday."
"Yeah, I heard you." Shaun grumbled, getting out of Ben's car.
"And if you have any ideas for songs…bring 'em along."
Shaun snorted. Ben was so sure he had song ideas…Before, Shaun had mostly built
songs from Will's concepts. He'd never attempted to write an entire song by
himself. He'd said as much earlier, but nobody believed him.
"See ya, dude." Ben called cheerfully and deciding it was best not to argue at
2 in the morning, in his grandparent's driveway, and drunk to boot, Shaun
nodded solemnly and shut the car door behind himself. He stood in the driveway,
absently kicking up bits of the gravel as he watched Ben back out.
He was so fucking wired, despite it being quite late. He'd taken a brief nap
earlier with Jesse, but it had hardly refreshed him.
He wanted to do something.
Shaun went inside despite his feelings of restlessness. Ruth had fallen asleep
in the living room, apparently waiting up for him. He had been rather
inconsiderate of his grandmother's feelings. He'd didn't respect the old
woman's wishes a lot, but even he knew there was something fucked up about him
not bothering to check in with her for almost 18 hours.
"Grandma." Shaun nudged Ruth's shoulder, waiting impatiently for her beady eyes
to focus on him. Ruth sat up abruptly, the knitted blanket one of her church
friends had gifted her with sliding from her lap and onto the floor.
"And where have you been?" Ruth asked briskly, narrowing her keen eyes on
Shaun.
"I was with Jesse." Shaun said the first thing that came to mind and then,
realizing that the truth would be less implicating than his simplified answer,
he quickly tacked on an extended explanation. "I quit my band and Ben came to
find me. We're starting a new band."
"Oh yes, I remember now. That handsome young man is in one of your heathen
bands?" The old woman asked skeptically.
Shaun shrugged, already feeling a rather pressing need to escape from his
grandmother's grasp. "I didn't mean to stay out so late, I'm going to bed."
"Mmm." Ruth agreed, still peering in Shaun's direction. "Your drunk" She
pointed out.
"We were celebrating." The sullen teen answered tightly.
"That explains it." Ruth muttered but waved a hand, giving Shaun license to
leave her presence. "Get in bed, boy. You've got school in a few hours."
"Goodnight grandma." Shaun called sarcastically as he backed out of the room.
His bedroom was dark and relaxing. Shaun laid back on his bed, clothes and all,
distractedly toeing his boots off.
Without really thinking about it, Shaun reached over to his bedside table,
taking out his knife. He was in entirely the wrong state of mind to be cutting
himself. He felt kinda silly, sorta horny, and a little crazed. But it had been
so long.
Shaun hissed as the knife bit into his skin. He laid back, watching as the
knife tip slid into the skin just under his pectoral muscle. It didn't feel as
good as it usually did, but he enjoyed watching the blood well to the surface,
dripping down his chest and running down to pool in the hollow of his stomach.
He covered the shallow cut with his palm, allowing it to slide through the
sticky blood. He had always been interested in blood and in pain. He had never
thought to tie pain in with sex, but the way Jesse had touched him earlier when
Shaun's disgusting body had been bared had made Shaun want to hurt the other
boy.
He didn't want to hurt Jesse badly of course, but enough to make him bleed,
enough to make Jesse's beautiful face screw up with pain. He looked so gorgeous
when he was in pain…
Hand still covered in blood, Shaun reached down for his cock. He had to use his
other hand, his clean hand, to undo the fastenings on his jeans, but before he
knew it, Shaun's bloody hand was wrapped around his cock.
"Ah!" Shaun moaned, louder than necessary but he didn't give a shit. He stroked
and fisted his cock roughly, staring down at his erection wrapped securely in
his bloodied hand.
Shaun imagined it was Jesse's hand instead of his own, imagined Jesse
straddling Shaun's thighs, his hand firmly stroking Shaun's length as he
hovered over him panting in a mix of pain and pleasure.
Once the imaginary Jesse had finished slicking Shaun's cock with blood, he
raised himself up onto his knees and lowered himself back down again, splitting
his own asshole on Shaun's cock.
Shaun cried out sharply along with the imagined Jesse, as they both came. Shaun
milked his orgasm for all it was worth, feeling his come splatter across his
belly and his chest, mingling with the still present blood.
There was a sharp knock on his bedroom door, but Shaun was suddenly too
exhausted to care.
"Goodnight, Shaun." Ruth called out pointedly, her voice muffled through the
door.
Shaun pulled his sheet out from under him, covering his spent cock and his come
covered upper half. He closed his eyes, wondering if Jesse would ever let Shaun
cut him.
Morning came much too soon.
There was no hope of sleeping in, however. Ruth was pounding on Shaun's door by
7 am and when Shaun had still not emerged by 7:15 she started yelling.
"I'll not have you missing school again, young man!" Ruth's shrill voice
pierced Shaun's ears. He was already up, more or less. He had wiped his dry
bodily fluids from his chest with his sheet, throwing the dirty covering on the
floor for Ruth to clean up later. He kept the jeans from last night, but
changed his shirt. He didn't even bother to look at his hair.
Outside the door, Ruth paused to draw in another breath, ready to start yelling
again. Before she could get a word out, Shaun yanked open the door.
"Christ, grandma." Shaun muttered, pushing past her. He wasn't going to miss
school, no matter how much he might want to. However, despite Ruth's best
efforts, he wasn't getting out of bed because of her.
He just wanted to see Jesse. He needed to see him.
Jesse was ecstatic when Shaun got on the bus. As soon as Shaun sat down, Jesse
pulled him closer, leaning up to kiss him on the mouth.
Shaun pulled away immediately, embarrassed that in skipping his somewhat recent
hygiene rituals this morning, he'd also forgotten to brush his teeth. But he
was also a little stunned to have Jesse kissing on him when his brother was
just a few feet away!
"Jess—"
"Don't worry about it." Jesse said firmly, gazing adoringly up into Shaun's
eyes. Shaun glanced up, aiming a glare in Sam's direction. Sam quickly looked
away, but not quick enough to hide his look of anger.
"I talked to him last night, after you left." Jesse said, snuggling into
Shaun's side and resting his head on his shoulder. Shaun felt an almost
unavoidable urge to shake him off, but if Sam knew they were fucking around,
than that meant there was next to no reason to hide any longer. Everyone knew
about their torrid secret.
"Why?" Shaun asked as calmly as he could.
"He heard the rumors." Jesse sighed, raising a hand to brush a lock of his hair
over his still black and blue eye. At least it wasn't swollen shut. "He knew
why I got beat up. Or he at least suspected it."
"That little fucker…" Shaun muttered.
"He said that what we're doing is sick…he said he wanted to tell mom, but…"
Shaun paled. He didn't know how Monica would react to the news that her oldest
son was a fag, but if her reaction would be similar to the kind of reaction
Shaun expected from his grandmother, both Shaun and Jesse had reason to worry.
"I don't think he's got the nerve to do it." Jesse finally admitted. "He seemed
more betrayed than anything."
"What's the difference?" Shaun snapped, glaring at the back of Sam's head.
Jesse shrugged. "I'm his big brother. He's never been one to tattle on me."
Shaun didn't understand the intricacies of brotherly relationships, but he
wanted to believe that Sam would keep their secret. He nodded grudgingly.
The bus stopped and Emily got on.
She took one look at Jesse leaning on Shaun's shoulder and her face filled with
hatred. She turned away, taking a seat as close to the front – and thus as far
away from Jesse and Shaun – as she could.
For once, Jesse seemed to notice his ex-girlfriend.
"I never should have messed with her." He said quietly, remorsefully.
"What?" Shaun remembered saying basically the same thing weeks ago, but Jesse
had ignored him. Now he was suddenly coming to the same miraculous conclusion?
How fucking annoying.
"I don't know. I didn't even like her that much. I just wanted to fuck her."
Jesse muttered, infuriating Shaun by even suggesting he had possessed feelings
for anyone besides him. He didn't like feeling jealous, it was the most
sickening, most disgusting feeling he'd ever had.
"Shut up." Shaun ordered through gritted teeth.
Jesse merely shrugged. "You know what? I don't even think I really wanted to
fuck her all that much. I was just going through the motions…I moved to a new
town, so I figured I needed a new girlfriend."
This revelation made Shaun feel slightly less jealous and tense. Thinking that
Jesse's short-lived relationship with Emily had just been an ingrained habit
was better than thinking she had actually caught Jesse's attention. Of course,
that left the question of whether or not Jesse saw Shaun as a replacement
girlfriend or if he was something more.
Shaun had figured that he was firmly in the category of 'something more'.
Mostly because he saw Jesse as being more than just a boyfriend or a passing
fling. Every day they were together Shaun grew more secure in their
relationship and it only seemed natural that Jesse should be doing the same.
"Well, Kenny warned me not to get with her unless I was serious. I guess I
can't really blame him all that much." Jesse finished, his hand sneaking out
and grabbing Shaun's, holding on to it tightly.
"Don't be stupid." Shaun said, taking solace in Jesse's hand in his. It was gay
as all fuck, but it felt good. Shaun absently rubbed Jesse's fingers. "If Kenny
wanted to protect his sister, all he had to do was confront you. He didn't need
to bring every single one of his friends to help beat you up. He and his
friends were punishing you for being with me. Emily was just their fucking
justification."
Jesse shrugged again. "Think so?"
"I'm sure of it."
The redhead leaning against his side looked back towards the front of the bus,
where his brother, his ex-girlfriend and several of the boys who had taken part
in his assault sat. Everyone was pointedly ignoring them, as if it hurt them
personally to even look upon homosexuality.
Shaun wasn't surprised by that. He was still extremely uncomfortable with Jesse
showing him any sort of affection in public, but he also wanted everyone to
know that Jesse belonged to him now, and that if they ever got it into their
heads to hurt him again, they'd be dealing with Shaun personally.
It pleased Shaun to no end, when the bus moved on without Kenny. Shaun must
have really done a number on the stupid jock. He caught Emily glancing back at
them again, and glared viciously at her. Emily glared right back, before she
turned back to the front.
"So, how did your night out with Ben go?" Jesse asked suddenly. He was smirking
now, those blue eyes of his twinkling gleefully. "Did you guys bond?"
Shaun rolled his eyes. "More like we got completely wasted."
"Oh, c'mon. Didn't you talk about your new band? Did you come up with a name?"
Jesse prompted.
"Since we don't have a single song, we figured we'd hold off on naming
ourselves." Shaun said sarcastically.
"Yeah?"
Jesse looked so damn hopeful that Shaun relented, telling Jesse that he was
going to practice with Ben on Saturday.
"You're invited, or course." Shaun told the other boy.
Jesse's eyes were wide and full of amazement. "You guys are going to get really
famous, you know."
"Jess, we're doing this so we can make some money. It's mostly for fun." Shaun
attempted to correct his boyfriend. He might get famous someday; he was
striving towards it anyways. But there was no way he was going to become a 17
year old metal god while still stuck in this shithole town with Ben on bass and
a mystery girl on drums.
No way in hell would that happen.
"I have a good feeling about this." Jesse said adamantly. Irritatingly, more
like.
They finally arrived at the school, not that Shaun had been particularly
looking forward to it. Still it was good to get off the bus and away from
Emily's occasional glares and Kenny's friends looks of disgust. When they
passed by Sam and his two little girlfriends, Sam whispered something to the
girls and the three of them burst into laughter.
Shaun knew more than his fair share of the tactics used by others to shun and
humiliate people they didn't like. He'd been on the receiving end of such
tactics for the majority of his life. So he merely spared Sam one single glare,
one powerful enough to force the middle-schooler to look away nervously. He
still whispered conspiratorially with his girlfriends but the fact that he
could no longer look Shaun nor Jesse in the eye as he did it was satisfying.
"Let's go." Shaun grabbed Jesse's arm and pulled him firmly off the bus.
Shaun directed them to Jesse's locker first and he waited patiently while the
redhead gathered his things.
Jesse was in a good mood despite the numerous glares they were receiving from
just about anyone who passed by. Shaun could tell that Jesse was bothered by
it, but he still kept smiling and touching Shaun at every opportunity.
Shaun, even though he hated people seeing him be in such a vulnerable
situation, allowed Jesse to touch him. Shaun was used to people hating him,
used to being laughed at, mocked and avoided, but this felt different. Before,
people had hated him because he was weird, or because he was bad-tempered and
scary. They had hated him because of the rumors surrounding his parent.
Shaun had, even though he had never liked it, been able to understand that kind
of hatred. The things people had despised about him, he had hated in himself.
But this thing with Jesse…while it was confusing and definitely weird and a
little embarrassing, Shaun liked it.
He loved Jesse.
And the fact that everyone around him didn't appreciate it, made Shaun feel a
little belligerent.
So when Jesse finished grabbing his books for his morning classes, Shaun
roughly grabbed Jesse's hand and very stubbornly held onto him as they walked
towards the other end of the hall where Shaun's locker resided.
"Sometimes I think you thrive under oppression." Jesse said, smiling adoringly.
He seemed relieved that Shaun wasn't going to try to deny their relationship
and he visibly relaxed, his fingers lacing through Shaun's.
They had to separate for first period, but Shaun wasn't so dependent on the
other boy that he needed to be by his side every minute of every day. He did
miss him though. And Shaun couldn't help but worry about the little redhead,
wondering if anyone would dare lay a finger on Jesse.
By now, everyone must have known that Shaun had beaten the shit out of Kenny
and Eric. Shaun had noticed on the bus that Kenny hadn't been present, but he
hadn't really thought that it had meant anything significant. But when he went
to his first period English class and Kenny still hadn't shown his stupid face,
Shaun deduced that the other boy was probably at home, licking his wounds.
Eric was in his usual seat, however.
Shaun and Eric had come to blows quite a few times over the years, and more
times than not, Eric had come out on top.
Even when Shaun won, Eric wore his battle wounds proudly, smirking at Shaun in
that over the top way the jock seemed to find so damn charming.
But today Eric was avoiding Shaun completely. He hadn't even allowed for the
chance of eye contact, keeping his gaze towards the front and away from Shaun's
half of the room at all times.
His face was a mess of ugly, dark bruises topped off with a thick white bandage
over his nose. Shaun remembered just a few weeks ago when Eric had been wearing
a similar look after Shaun had kicked that ball at his face. Eric hadn't looked
quite as cowed though. Before he had worn the bruises like badges declaring how
fucking tough he was, but now he looked almost meek, too scared to even turn
around in his seat.
Good, Shaun thought. The more scared the jock was of him the less likely he was
to fuck with Jesse ever again. Shaun felt sick to his stomach every time he
thought of how fucked up Jesse had looked Monday night when Shaun had come to
see him. The only solace he had was that the bruises Jesse wore weren't nearly
as bad as the ones Shaun had inflicted on his attackers. Shaun felt rather
proud of that actually.
When class was finally over Shaun was the first person out of his seat. He
wanted to get to chemistry as fast as he could, he assured himself, not just to
check on Jesse but also because he wanted to get his make-up homework from
missing class the day before…But, yeah, he mostly wanted to see Jesse. It
sucked that he actually had to pretend to pay attention in class rather than
just staring at Jesse's cute face, the ridiculously adorable freckles across
his checks, that silky auburn hair, his compact little body…
Shaun was halfway out the door, his mind firmly on his boyfriend, when he felt
someone grab his arm.
Shaun whirled around, for a crazy second thinking that Eric had chosen to get
his revenge now, in front of a class full of witnesses.
He came up short however, when he saw it was Miss Stevens standing behind him,
her hand firmly grasping his forearm. She raised a brow at him.
"Didn't you hear me calling for you, Shaun?" She asked, a smirk slowly making
its way onto her face when Shaun continued to stare down at her blankly. "I'd
like to talk to you for a moment, if that's ok."
Shaun scowled, but moved out of the doorway, allowing the other students to
leave. When Eric shuffled past he gave the jock an intense glare. Eric was too
busy staring at the floor to notice.
"What is it? I have to get to chemistry." Shaun asked briskly once the
classroom was empty. Miss Stevens, her eyebrow still raised, put her hand on
her hip in a pose that reminded Shaun of his grandma. Ruth always did that
stupid hand-on-the-hip thing when Shaun was being extra rude.
"I have your poem for you."
"Oh." Shaun rolled his eyes. Apparently Miss Stevens had passed out the graded
poems yesterday, when both he and Jesse had been absent. Why Miss Stevens had
chosen to give him his grade now instead of during class wasn't very clear, but
then again Miss Stevens was kind of stupid.
Miss Stevens led the way to the front of the classroom and towards her desk.
Shaun could recognize his poem from several paces away though. It was sitting
on top, just hanging out for anyone to see. Shaun stepped forward and snatched
it off the desktop.
"Who is it about?"
"Why?" Shaun glanced at his stupid, handwritten poem. Miss Stevens had required
it to be typed and the lack of a grade written anywhere on the notebook paper
convinced Shaun that Stevens had failed him for it. That would partially
explain why she had held him back after class. She probably wanted to lecture
him, and make him feel like shit. But it didn't explain why she was asking who
it was about.
Miss Stevens shrugged. "I always thought that your writing was aimed towards
something a bit more creative. Even when we were working on essays in the
beginning of the year."
Shaun snorted, trying to hide his discomfort with a sullen glare. He was
uncomfortable with the fact that Miss Stevens apparently thought Shaun would be
a good song writer, just like Jesse did. He also didn't see why he was getting
held back after class for this stupid conversation.
"Did I fail or something?" Shaun asked gruffly, wanting to escape from his
English teacher's weird smirk.
"No." Stevens said quickly. "Although you didn't follow directions, I think
everyone needs a break sometimes."
"Oh, ok." So what? Stevens wanted Shaun to know that she was being lenient with
him? Why? Did she want something? Nobody did anything for free with it came to
Shaun. Everyone hated him and whenever someone seemed to be doing anything nice
for him, they usually had some sort of ulterior motive behind it.
Except for Jesse of course. Shaun didn't see what he could possibly be getting
out of dating him. Besides getting beat up, that was.
That particular thought almost made him smile. It did make him try to hurry his
current situation along, wanting to get the fuck out of the English classroom
and into Chemistry. Jesse would probably be waiting for him by now…
Stevens still hadn't said anything. She continued to smile knowingly.
"What do you want then?" Shaun asked sharply. "I have to get to class."
Miss Stevens sighed at Shaun's rudeness. "Shaun…" She started out slowly. "Did
Jesse tell you I was there after he was attacked Monday?"
Shaun stiffened. "No." Of course, it would have had to be Miss Stevens who
helped the little redhead. That seemed like something that was right up her
alley.
"I've heard the rumors too you know. Teachers aren't immune to gossip."
Shaun instantly knew what the teacher was talking about, hinting around. He
growled viciously, angry that the bitch would even dare to bring up Jesse's
attack. She'd probably loved it…watching Jesse get beat up because he'd been
stupid enough to fall for Shaun.
The sullen boy turned away from his teacher, stomping towards the doorway. If
Stevens had nothing better to do than antagonizing him, than Shaun wasn't about
to stick around for it. She could go fuck around with someone else for all he
cared.
"Shaun!"
Shaun almost didn't stop at the sound of his teacher's voice. But he was
curious about Stevens' motives and he wanted to know what the bitch wanted.
"I know you're a private person—"
"What do you fucking want?!" Shaun cried. It was kind of weird that no other
students had come in the classroom yet, but Shaun was glad of it. He didn't
want anyone to see him so affected by a stupid fucking teacher. He didn't know
what the bitch's problem with him was, but he wanted her to figure it out
quick.
Miss Stevens looked deeply unhappy, but she cleared her throat and tried again,
speaking quickly because they both knew their time alone was dwindling.
"You're in a band…aren't you?"
"How the fuck do you know that?" Shaun snapped. What the fuck? Why was
everything lately some big fucking conspiracy to get him to sing?
"I saw your band play once."
Shaun narrowed his eyes, wondering if his teacher was some sort of fucked up
stalker.
"Shaun, all I want is to be your friend. I see something special in you—"
"Ha!" Shaun laughed outright.
"Even if you aren't exactly suited for an academic environment."
Shaun rolled his eyes. Besides English, he was close to failing every class he
had. It was why the guidance counselor had assigned him last period study hall,
in an attempt to keep him from taking any more classes he couldn't keep up with
and also hoping that Shaun would use his time wisely and actually study and do
his homework. Of course, that hadn't worked out according to anyone's plan.
"What the fuck are you trying to say?"
"That I'm glad you've found a friend and that I think you should stand by him
because he's brought your writing to the next level." Miss Stevens smiled. "He
inspired that poem, didn't he?"
Suddenly, two freshmen girls darted past Shaun, heading towards their seats
near the window, a few more kids following along behind them. Miss Stevens
ignored them, staring at Shaun intently.
Shaun nodded cautiously. "So are you trying to tell me that I should drop out
of school?"
"Good heavens, no!"  Stevens laughed as more students filed in, staring at the
teacher and her surly student with interest. Shaun scowled at them. "I just
think that whatever you're doing right now, you're moving in the right
direction."
For some reason, Stevens cryptic advice really hit Shaun.
Nobody had ever told him he was going in the right direction. Everybody was
always so busy telling him what he was doing wrong that they never got around
to telling him what he was doing right.
While Shaun pondered over his teacher's words, the late bell rang.
"Would you like a hall pass?" Miss Stevens asked, bringing Shaun back to the
present. Shaun shook his head.
"I'll be fine."
When Shaun got to Chemistry he walked right past Mr. Barnes, not even bothering
to acknowledge that he was late. Barnes reacted in the way he had hoped, giving
Shaun a strange look, but barely even pausing in his lecture.
Jesse looked worried though. He was sitting straight up in his seat, watching
Shaun approach with wide eyes.
"What happened?" He whispered.
"Nothing. I was just talking to Miss Stevens." Shaun replied casually, sliding
into his seat.
They couldn't really talk, but Shaun had forgotten that they could write to
each other. He watched Jesse take out his notebook, scribbling another question
on the first blank page.
'What were you talking to her for?' Jesse's note said. The redhead watched
Shaun read for a moment and then impatiently pushed his pencil across the table
so Shaun wouldn't have to rummage through his book bag for a writing implement.
'She liked my poem,' Shaun wrote back, not really wanting to divulge all the
details of his weird conversation with Miss Stevens.
'I want to see it.' Jesse wrote immediately, not even waiting for Shaun to
slide the note back to his side of the table. He just leaned over Shaun's arm
and jotted his reply.
"No." Shaun whispered and when Jesse turned those ridiculously hopeful blue
eyes on him, he relented somewhat. "Later."
That pleased Jesse and he smiled brightly, pulling his notebook back to his
side of the table. Shaun turned away, pretended to listen to his teacher's
boring lecture, but really he was itching to get his hands on his guitar. It
had been a few days since he'd practiced but he was suddenly feeling more than
motivated to come up with a new song.
Jesse handed him back the notebook, smiling shyly. Shaun raised an eyebrow at
Jesse's coy look, glancing down at the redhead's neat handwriting.
'I love you.' The note said clear as day, and below that it read, 'When we get
home, I'm going to suck your dick.'
Shaun tore the note out immediately, his face flushing of its own accord. He
folded the damning piece of paper into a very tiny square and shoved it in his
pocket.
"Shut up, Jesse." Shaun muttered, unable to hide how much the other boy's
promise of oral sex turned him on. He could see Jesse's knowing smile from the
corner of his eye but it didn't bother him.
Jesse scooted his chair imperceptibly closer and snagged Shaun's hand under the
table. Shaun never would have pegged himself as a guy who liked holding hands,
but having some tangible connection to the boy at his side felt better than
nice. Wonderful, maybe.
Shaun felt a new urgency to get home. He could work on his new song after he'd
finished blowing his load in Jesse's pretty little mouth.
The rest of the day passed slowly and not just because Shaun was desperate to
get the little redhead alone.
School held next to no appeal anymore, not that it ever had.
Shaun and Jesse garnered more glares in one day than Shaun had ever gotten
alone, and that was saying something. Even a few of the teachers gave Shaun
dirty looks, condemning him for his homosexuality.
Shaun followed Jesse's lead however, and strove to ignore all the hateful
glances. It wasn't like Shaun gave a shit about the people who sneered and
scoffed and whispered about him behind his back.
Ironically, Shaun remembered how upset he had been over the mere idea of anyone
thinking he was gay. He had been ready to throw Jesse's friendship away just to
preserve his image.
Of course, he hadn't been able to stay away. And even now, when Shaun's fear of
being exposed had been realized, he didn't regret anything.  Not really.
Having Jesse by his side was far more important than having the grudging
respect – fear – of his peers.
After gym, which had been largely uneventful, Shaun walked with Jesse to his
last class of the day. Shaun had already decided he was going to wait around
for the other boy to finish his class before he walked home. There was no way
he was riding the bus again with the bitch Emily and that little cunt Jesse
called a brother.
"Are you going to wait for me?" Jesse asked once they had reached his 8th
period class.
"Yeah." Shaun grunted. He didn't want Jesse to feel like he was protecting him,
but he was. Shaun had never imagined himself as being some macho overbearing,
overprotective meathead, but then again, he felt the protectiveness was
warranted.
"Ok." Jesse smiled as he grabbed Shaun's hand and squeezed. "I'll meet you
outside."
Shaun watched him disappear into his class, fighting not to smile back. As he
walked away, Shaun shook his head at himself…he was becoming such a fucking
sap.
Still lamenting the death of his former brutal and hardcore image, Shaun went
to sit outside near the entrance, waiting for his boyfriend like the devoted
and lovesick puppy he had become.
It was starting to get hot out. Summer was right around the corner.
Personally, Shaun hated the sun and the heat, but not even the shitty weather
could get rid of his annoyingly upbeat mood.
And then the door opened and Emily rushed outside.
She almost tripped over Shaun, she was so busy looking frantically around to
notice the boy sitting on the ground.
"Watch it!" Shaun scowled, pulling his legs out of Emily's way.
The stupid girl started and glanced down at Shaun's snappy command. Her eyes
narrowed when she realized who she had intruded on. "There you are."
Shaun raised an eyebrow. "You looking for me?" He asked sarcastically. The
bitch had probably come to yell at him for stealing her boyfriend and even
though he'd rather not speak to her, if she wanted a fight, Shaun would surely
give her one.
"Yeah. I was." Shaun smiled his most grim and intimidating smile, pleased when
Emily faltered slightly. She puffed herself up right after, striking a martyr's
pose, but Shaun knew he had unsettled her, if only for a moment, and that was
good enough for him.
"First of all," Emily started out, her voice growing stronger when Shaun didn't
get up or interrupt her. "I want you to know that I told my brother to leave
Jesse alone."
Shaun scoffed, not even bothering to comment on how well that had worked out.
"I'm not saying that I'm not pissed at Jesse…because I am." Emily continued,
her eyes sparkling with emotion. Shaun got an uncomfortable feeling that the
bitch was going to start crying. "If Jesse wanted to be with…someone else, he
should have just said so."
"Do you really think that your asshole brother beat Jesse up because he didn't
want to be with you?"  Shaun snapped.
"Well, yeah!" Emily cried. "He—"
"Let me just stop you there." Shaun cut Emily off rudely, meeting the annoying
girl's determined expression before he went on. "Your fucking brother and his
fucking gang of redneck bastards beat the shit out of Jesse because he's with
me." Emily's determination crumbled slightly, her bottom lip quivering. Shaun
again had the impression that Emily was seconds away from bursting into tears.
So, Shaun was hardly surprised that when Emily next spoke, the strong tone she
had been going for was starting to waver.
"I told Kenny to leave Jesse alone." Emily repeated needlessly. "If Jesse wants
to be with you than I don't want to be with him!"
Shaun laughed, knowing that it would just piss Emily off further. It did.
"But what Kenny and his friends did to Jesse was nothing compared to what you
did to my brother and to Eric!" She said loudly, trying to talk over the sounds
of Shaun's amusement.
Emily's eyes, as she held Shaun's gaze, contained a spark of the old fear and
dread that Shaun was so used to garnering. Pleased by how well he was
intimidating Emily already, Shaun finally stood up, feeling as though he needed
to meet Emily head on if he was going to have any real impression on her.
Shaun towered over the slight girl. And Shaun felt a peculiar trill when Emily
had to crane her neck back to keep eye contact. Shaun gave Jesse's ex-
girlfriend a truly fearsome smirk.
"Your brother should have known better than to touch what's mine." He said
calmly.
"You broke Eric's nose!" Emily raged, trying to meet Shaun's high level of
intimidation by stomping her foot and looking spectacularly bitchy. "Kenny
needs to get replacement teeth now! He swallowed half of them when you smashed
his face in!"
"I did those two a favor." Shaun snarled, leaning down into Emily's personal
space, forcing her to back up a few paces. "Maybe next time they'll take a
moment to think before they assault some other innocent person!"
"Listen to me—"
"No! You listen to me, you fucking bitch!" Shaun yelled over Emily's weak
demand, moving so he was standing up close to her stupidity and arrogance and
spitting his words into her face. "If Eric or your fucking brother ever come
near Jesse again… or if anyone ever tries to pull a fucking stunt like Kenny
did ever again… what I did to your brother will look like a walk in the park
compared to the hell that I'll bring down on the poor fucker who even looks at
Jesse wrong." Shaun took a deep breath, delighting in the utter terror written
all over Emily's face. "Got that?" He clarified.
Emily nodded stiffly, looking like she was going to cry again.
"Oh, and feel free to spread that around. I know how you jackasses all love a
good story." When Emily continued to just stand there, her wide eyes making her
look like a brainless cow, Shaun yelled at her. "Get out of here!"
At least Emily could follow directions, and without another moment's
hesitation, she disappeared back inside the school.
Feeling quite accomplished with himself, Shaun sat back down, waiting for Jesse
to finish his class with a smile on his face.
***** Chapter 11 *****
Chapter Summary
     Lyrics are by bands Sylosis and Parkway Drive
Chapter Eleven
Jesse didn't mind walking home, especially when Shaun was with him. He was glad
the other boy had waited for him.
Shaun was in a pretty good mood as they walked the dusty road towards home, and
Jesse felt like he'd do anything to keep him that way.
"Are we going to your house or mine?" Jesse asked, wondering if he'd be able to
give Shaun his promised blow job. That would certainly keep the bigger boy
happy.
Shaun shrugged though, looking a little distant, a little smug, as he answered.
"I kind of feel like writing a song."
"Really?" That announcement made Jesse just as happy as his companion. Maybe
Shaun would let him watch the whole process.
They arrived at Shaun's house sometime later. The bigger boy headed instantly
towards the garage where his guitar and amp was still set up. As they got
closer to the garage Ruth poked her head out the kitchen window.
"You're late." She called, giving Jesse a hearty glare.
"We walked." Shaun responded carelessly, grabbing Jesse's wrist and pulling him
into the garage and away from Ruth's prying eyes. "She's such a bitch." Shaun
murmured once they were ensconced in the garage. Shaun headed straight for his
guitar, dropping his backpack on the floor.
Jesse followed suit, going over to sit on the garage's only chair. He spun
around in a circle before he pulled his feet up onto the seat and watched Shaun
finger his guitar.
"She's just concerned. She's trying to be a good grandma." Jesse commented.
"She's just being an annoying bitch." Shaun replied distractedly.
Jesse bit his lip to hide his ridiculous smile. He liked watching Shaun, and
today he definitely got a chance to do some serious Shaun-watching. Jesse had
wanted to please the other boy, but Shaun seemed pleased enough with his music.
For nearly a straight hour Shaun noodled around on his guitar. Jesse was quite
content to listen to the melodious results of his boyfriend's efforts, amazed
by his skill.
Jesse would have gladly watched him for as long as Shaun was willing to play,
but when Shaun took a short break to write something in his notebook, Jesse
asked question he'd dying to ask all day.
"Can I see your poem now?"
Shaun glanced up, looking almost startled to see Jesse sitting just a few feet
away from him. He finished writing before he pulled a loose sheet of paper out
from between the pages of his notebook.
"I'm going to revise it. It's not good enough yet, but once I have a better
idea how the song's going to go, I'll know what to do with it."
Almost nervously, Shaun walked across the short bit of space and handed the
poem to Jesse. He quickly retreated back to his side of the room and started
playing again, glancing up shyly once or twice.
 
In a moment I'm lost
Dying from the inside
His eyes take me away
Tearing me apart from the inside out
 
I'm left running blind
Falling through the cracks
Into the world of the dead
 
There is no light to see
beyond the blackest skyline
Foundations shake beneath the shallows
As the Gods rain down on me
And somewhere inside
Lies a shadow of the creature he hides
Destroying me with his purity
 
Jesse smiled, recognizing that he had inspired the violent, desperate words of
the poem.
He mentioned my eyes…Jesse thought, glancing up at the other boy, not surprised
to see Shaun looking quickly away. Shaun was intent on his music, but Jesse
could tell that at least some of Shaun's focus was on him.
Jesse got up and walked to the other boy's side. Shaun was forced to stop
playing when Jesse reached up and wound his arms around Shaun's neck, bringing
the sullen boy down for a very involved kiss.
"Did I tell you today that I love you?" Jesse pulled back just far enough to
watch the expression on Shaun's face as he spoke. The bigger boy was flushed
his characteristic red and Jesse leaned in again, unable to resist another
kiss.
"Don't be such a girl." Shaun said breathlessly when Jesse pulled back.
"I'm not a girl." Jesse rubbed his interested cock against Shaun's thigh,
proving to the other boy that he was in fact very masculine. "But I still love
you."
Shaun looked a little embarrassed and he gently pushed Jesse away. The redhead
might have been a little hurt at being so easily set aside if Shaun hadn't
glanced shyly up at him one last time from under his dark lashes.
"I've gotta do this now." Shaun said intensely. His eyes burned and Jesse knew
the other boy wasn't just putting him off for any old reason, he was doing it
because his music was calling to him. Jesse didn't really understand what that
felt like…the only thing he'd ever really felt drawn to was Shaun, but he
respected the other boy's wishes and backed up. Keeping his eyes on Shaun the
whole time, he went back to his seat and sat down.
Shaun watched Jesse too, his eyes so dark and fucking sexy that Jesse had a
hard time sitting still.
Eventually Shaun started playing again, his gaze drilling into Jesse.
Jesse just watched as his boyfriend came up with a song out of the blue. Shaun
paused occasionally to write more stuff down, nodding his head as his music
thrummed around him.
Suddenly, after what must have been hours, Shaun looked up at Jesse again, his
expression dazed but concerned as well.
"What's that?"
"Huh?"
Before Jesse could figure out what Shaun was talking about the side door to the
garage flew open.
"Jesse?" Monica poked her head in. She had Lissa on one hip and Brian was
clutching her other hand. The little blond toddler broke away from her the
second he spotted Jesse and Shaun however, shyly walking to stand near Shaun.
"Wow, you've got a real guitar?"
"Yep." Shaun smiled wryly and Jesse almost groaned. He'd completely lost track
of time…now he was going to be saddled with his little sister and Brian. He
didn't really mind all that much, but there was no way he was getting laid now
and he'd really wanted to suck Shaun off again!
"I need you to come home and watch the kids." Monica said impatiently. "I don't
have time for this, Jesse. You're supposed to be making things easier on me,
not harder." The baby started to fuss, sensing Monica's agitation and Monica
responded by bounced the baby a little too abruptly, only making everything
worse.
"Just take them home, mom." Jesse said with irritation. "We're almost finished
here. Sam can watch them until I come back."
"Jesse!" Monica screeched, really doing a spectacular job of working Lissa up.
The baby started sniffling and squirming in Monica's arms, wanting to get away.
"I don't want your 13-year-old brother watching two 5-year-olds, a toddler and
an infant!"
"It'll only be for just a few minutes!" Jesse yelled back, just wanting his mom
to leave. He'd just wanted a few minutes alone with Shaun, maybe not for sex,
but anything was better than being dragged off by his mom!
"Don't act like a child; I need you at home, Jesse."
"Why can't you just pay a few extra dollars for overtime daycare?" Jesse
argued, feeling like his very freedom depended on wining this particular
dispute. "This is getting ridiculous! I have no life anymore!"
"You're the one being ridiculous, Jesse. Your 17 years old! You need to grow up
and take some responsibility!"
Jesse was enraged by his mother's comment. He couldn't believe she was
lecturing him on responsibility! "I am responsible!" Jesse stood up, noticing
that Shaun was smirking at him, looking almost proud. "All I ever do is sit at
home, babysitting your fucking kids!"
Monica's arm clenched around Lissa, her face tightening with anger.
There was single moment where Monica looked like she might just explode, but
then the moment passed and Jesse could see Shaun moving towards him from the
corner of his eye.
"Do I know you?" Came a shrill voice from behind Monica.
Monica had to move aside for Ruth to get through the doorway. Ruth glared at
Shaun who had come to stand in front of Brian protectively and she gave Jesse a
withering look, she finally swept her gaze around to Monica and Lissa, scowling
at Jesse's mother and his little sister.
"Don't you know how to treat a baby?" Ruth asked condescendingly before
plucking Lissa from Monica's arms and authoritatively shushing the crying baby.
Surprisingly, Lissa went instantly quiet, looking up at Ruth with something
like amazement.
"Uh…I'm the new neighbor. Monica." Jesse's mother introduced herself, looking a
little flustered, but mostly managing to look friendly. "I inherited the place
from my father…maybe you knew him?"
"The old shut-in? Welch?"
"Er, yes. That's him." Monica looked embarrassed, but she was watching Ruth
comfort Lissa with interest. "I didn't know him very well. He didn't want much
to do with me until I graduated from college. I think he left me the house to
apologize for being such a sorry excuse for a father."
"Hmm, I didn't know he was dead." Ruth admitted disinterestedly. "Now, why are
you in my garage and bothering these children?" Jesse hoped that Ruth wasn't
referring to him as a child!
"Well, my son here is supposed to be babysitting and he's in here, having a
party or something. I can barely ever get him to do what he's supposed to be
doing anymore."
"Same with my Shaun." Ruth groused, cradling Lissa to her large chest. The baby
went willingly, grabbing at Ruth's house dress with her pudgy hands. "The boy's
always leaving messes he never intends to clean up." Ruth shot Shaun another
pointed glare.
"Hmm." Monica looked impatiently down at her watch and then quickly back up at
Jesse. She must be running extremely late by now. "Jesse, c'mon. I need you to
come watch the kids. There's no negotiation."
Jesse clenched his teeth, stewing in anger, but resigned to following Monica
back home when Ruth, yet again, chimed in.
"Boys like these two have no business babysitting," she told Monica sharply.
"They're barely responsible enough to wipe their own asses."
Monica's nose wrinkled at the rude comment and she started to reach for Lissa,
looking like she might possibly pry the baby from the older woman's arms.
"Why not leave this one here with me? She's well behaved at least."
Monica paused, looking Ruth up and down critically. "Well, I don't know…"
Seeing a window of opportunity opening up, Jesse seized his chance immediately.
"It's ok, mom." He prodded, even though he didn't know how 'ok' it was to leave
his baby sister with Ruth. She had produced Shaun's father, who had grown up to
brutally murder his wife, and she'd had a hand in raising Shaun, who was hardly
a well-adjusted boy, no matter how much Jesse loved him. However, it would only
be a few hours, and he was pretty sure she couldn't do any real damage while he
was so close by.
Monica looked at her watch again. "I'm so late." She muttered to herself. "Ah,
are you looking for some sort of payment—"
"Oh no, I watch a few kids for the church a couple days a week. I don't accept
money."
Jesse glanced at Shaun, raising an inquisitive brow. Shaun merely shrugged.
"Alright." Monica said quickly. "I really do have to get back to work." She
looked over at Jesse one more time before she left however. "We need to have a
talk later." She said seriously and then she was rushing out the door.
"You listen to what your mother says, boy." Ruth told Jesse sternly. "In my
opinion, you boys aren't too old for a proper spanking." And with that, she
left, taking Lissa with her.
"Is my sister ok with her?" Jesse asked Shaun immediately, starting to feel
like a real asshole. Maybe he'd just go and retrieve Lissa and take the kids
home after all. He knew they'd be safe there anyway.
"Yeah, it's alright." Shaun murmured, reaching down to ruffle his fingers
through Brian's hair. The little boy looked up at him worshipfully.
Jesse bit his lip, still quite unsure. But Shaun wouldn't lie to him.
"Alright." Jesse said hesitantly.
Shaun looked over at him, concerned. "Hey Brian? You want to go watch a movie?"
"Ok." Brian reached up and grabbed Shaun's hand, smiling shyly. "Are we going
in your room?"
"Yeah."
Jesse followed Shaun back inside his house, wishing he was the one holding
Shaun's hand. He couldn't begrudge the little boy a bit of affection however,
especially when it was coming from someone as aloof as Shaun was.
Ruth was in the living room with Eli, holding Lissa in her lap as she talked to
her husband. Everything looked alright, and Jesse was happy to see Shaun's
grandpa. He was a pretty cool dude.
"Evening." Eli greeted Jesse and Brian. The toddler bit his lip and clutched at
Shaun's hand, hiding slightly behind the bigger boy's legs. "Who've you got
there?" Eli asked, seemingly amused by Brian's actions.
"This is Jesse's little brother, Brian." Shaun introduced the boy quickly.
"Hello Brian." Eli waved at the toddler. Brian hid himself more firmly behind
Shaun.
"Can I borrow your TV grandpa?" Shaun asked impatiently, already tiring of
introductions and his grandparents.
"Sure." Eli agreed and Shaun rushed off to retrieve the TV, wherever it was,
pulling Brian along with him. Jesse followed after them, but not before he
caught Eli winking at him. Jesse blushed a rosy pink.
Shaun was already hauling a medium sized TV/DVD combo out of his grandparent's
bedroom when Jesse caught up with Shaun and Brian. Jesse, wanting to be
helpful, rushed forward and opened the bedroom door.
"Thanks." Shaun muttered, pushing his way into his dark bedroom, flicking on
the light absently.
It was pretty clean, despite Ruth's earlier complaints. There weren't any
clothes on the floor and the bed was neatly made. It smelled like aerosol
spray, like coconuts or something.
Jesse went to sit on the edge of Shaun's bed, glad that Shaun had let him come
back. He liked being in Shaun's room, even though Shaun seemed a tad
uncomfortable to have him sitting on his bed. Jesse wished that Brian wasn't so
shy around adults and that he could have stayed in the living room with Eli and
Ruth.
But he loved the little brat nonetheless.
"How come we're over here today?" Brian asked Jesse as he clambered up onto the
bed beside Jesse. Shaun had pushed him away when he'd attempted to help him set
up the TV. It didn't look too complicated. Shaun just seemed to be having a
little trouble finding a clear space to put the TV.
"Shaun's starting a band, so he has to make up a bunch of new songs for them to
play." Jesse explained to the inquisitive toddler. "He was making a new song
when you guys came over."
"Oh." Brian turned to watch Shaun in his newest struggle, finding an empty
plug. "Is he going to be like that rock star guy we saw on TV?"
Jesse laughed, remembering the 'rock star' that had been on the MTV Awards the
other night. "Better." Jesse promised, smirking over at his boyfriend. Shaun
had finally managed to get the TV set up and he was rummaging through his
things looking for something. He finally pulled up Predator, the movie he'd
been telling Brian about.
"Ok, you idiots ready?" He asked, putting the movie in and then going to turn
the light out. He kicked his boots off and jumped up on his bed, lying down on
his stomach. Jesse joined him instantly cuddling into his side, that was until
Brian squashed between them.
Jesse had seen Predator one time before at a friend's house and he wasn't all
that thrilled to be watching it again. The interaction between Shaun and Brian,
however, was worth it. Jesse would have thought Brian would be scared of an
alien hunting down and killing people, but Shaun's enthusiasm during every kill
had apparently inspired Brian and he grinned through most of the movie,
laughing and cheering along with Shaun.
Jesse was almost jealous at all the attention Shaun was paying Brian, but it
was a good jealous and Jesse was once again immensely relieved that his
boyfriend had managed to open his heart to one of the most important people in
his life.
When Predator was over, Shaun got up to put in another movie. Texas Chainsaw
Massacre.
"Shaun!" Jesse complained. Violent action movies were one thing, but horror
movies and serial killers? "That's going to give him nightmares!"
"No it won't!" Brian said vehemently.
"He's a tough kid, he'll be fine." Shaun smirked, lying back down beside Brian.
Jesse wasn't convinced however. He glared at Shaun when the older boy mentioned
that the movie was based on a true story and he was even more annoyed when
Brian nervously pointed out that the back-road town the main characters were
driving through looked a lot like the town they were living in now. Thus, Jesse
resorted to covering Brian's eyes whenever anything scary happened. Brian
fought him at first, wanting to be fearless like Shaun was, but about an hour
into the movie Brian stopped putting up much of a fight and soon after he was
leaning heavily into Jesse's side.
"He's asleep." Jesse said, grabbing the remote from Shaun and turning the
volume almost all the way down so the sound wouldn't bother the sleeping
toddler.
Shaun smiled gently down at Brian. "He's fucking hilarious." He said fondly.
"He's a real pain sometimes." Jesse muttered, but he couldn't help agreeing
silently.
"Mmm." Shaun murmured as he continued to watch Brian sleep.
Jesse had watched over Brian while he slept many times before, and while he
thought it was a sweet gesture on the other boy's part, he was seriously horny.
"Come up here." He directed, sitting up and moving back more towards the
headboard of Shaun's bed.
Shaun followed Jesse tentatively, glancing over at Brian again once they were
settled, making sure he was still asleep.
"He's fine. He can sleep through anything." Jesse assured the other boy before
he grabbed Shaun and kissed him.
Shaun was more reluctant than usual, not opening his mouth and doing everything
he could to make the kiss chaste, but Jesse was having none of that.
"C'mon." Jesse moaned, breaking away from Shaun's mouth and moving down to his
throat. He sucked and licked at Shaun's warm skin, hoping to leave a mark. "I
want to make you come…" He groaned in between licks to the bigger boy's throat.
"Jesse…Your brother's right there!"
"He doesn't care!" Jesse protested, pushing his hands up under Shaun' shirt and
rubbing his scarred skin. Shaun gasped and flinched backwards a few inches,
trying to escape, however there wasn't really anywhere to go.
"My grandparents are still up!"
"They won't come in." Jesse murmured, quickly deciding to abandon any pretense
of foreplay. With the skittish way Shaun was reacting, the only way Jesse was
going to get what he wanted would be to just take the bull by the horns, or in
this case…
"Jesse!" Shaun hissed as the redhead went straight for his crotch.
Despite the rather forceful protest, Shaun did almost nothing to stop Jesse
from undoing his jeans and pulling his cock out of his boxers. Jesse knew he
didn't have a lot of time and he was therefore pleased when Shaun seemed to be
cooperating with him somewhat against his will, his cock hardening almost
instantly in Jesse's hand.
Jesse stroked Shaun's hardness for a moment, loving the way Shaun's erection
twitched in his hand. It all just showed Jesse how much Shaun wanted him.
When Jesse took Shaun in his mouth, the other boy made a strange high-pitched
whine. He immediately slapped a hand over his mouth, not that that covered his
helpless groan.
"Slut…" Shaun accused lightly through his fingers, the fingers of his other
hand coming down to thread through Jesse's hair.
"Mmm." Jesse wordlessly agreed, sucking as much of Shaun's impressive length
down as he could.
This blowjob wasn't nearly as thorough as the last one, though it was no less
intense. Both boys were massively turned on by the strange situation and they
were both aiming for a quick finish.
Jesse felt like he was being deplorably rough with the other boy's cock,
sucking forcefully and bobbing his head up and down at an erratic pace. He'd so
far managed to keep his teeth away from Shaun's erection, but that was about
the only concession he'd made.
Shaun seemed to like it rough, though. He took his handful of Jesse's hair and
started fucking his dick as far down Jesse throat as he could.
Jesse grunted. He couldn't imagine ever treating one of his ex-girlfriends like
Shaun was treating him now. His last ex, no matter how much sappy love the two
of them had spewed for each other, would have bit his dick in half if he'd
tried to fuck her face like Shaun was fucking his.
But Jesse liked it. Well, it hurt and it made him gag and he probably looked
pretty stupid, all red-faced and ungainly, but there was something extremely
satisfying knowing that he was doing something that most people wouldn't put up
with and knowing that he was doing it because he was crazy in love.
Shaun came with a muffled scream, holding Jesse's head forcefully in place.
Jesse's eyes watered at the harsh treatment, barely able to breathe while being
smashed between Shaun's thighs, with a dick down his throat and bitter come
leaking out the corners of his mouth.
Shaun seemed to realize what was going on almost immediately however, and he
quickly released Jesse.
The redhead gasped for breath when he was released. Raising a hand to wipe the
come off his face, but Shaun grabbed him before he could finish the movement
and threw him down on the bed.
Shaun climbed on top of Jesse, licking Jesse's face clean while his hands
skimmed down Jesse's slim body towards the fastenings of his jeans.
"Oh…god…" Jesse hissed as Shaun's licking turned into a deep kiss and he
finally managed to open Jesse's fly. His hand plunged down Jesse's pants,
taking a firm hold of the redhead's erection.
"Sex starved…little slut…" Shaun hissed in between kisses. He pressed as close
as he could to Jesse, looming over his smaller body threateningly, his hand
jerking Jesse off quickly. It was like nothing Jesse had ever experienced
before. It was intense, boarding on the edge of pain, full of aggression and a
twinge of hostility, but Shaun's eyes on his were warm with affection and
something that looked an awful lot like love. Jesse couldn't look away from the
other boy's eyes.
"Shaun." Jesse gasped as the sullen boy broke the kiss to get a fresh lungful
of air. "Shaun…Shaun…Shaun…" He groaned until Shaun shut him up with another
kiss.
Jesse knew he couldn't last very long, knew that it'd be dangerous to draw
their coupling out for much longer, and so Jesse urged the boy crouched on top
of him on, kissing back passionately, withering and bucking under his weight,
moaning Shaun's name whenever he found his mouth free.
"Fuck, Jesse…" Shaun grunted, shifting to press against Jesse more firmly. The
redhead was immensely satisfied when he realized Shaun was hard again and that
he was rubbing himself against Jesse's thigh desperately.
"Ah!" Jesse gasped, his arousal level spiking. "Oh my god…oh god…fuck!" Shaun
leaned in, his hips snapping as he rubbed himself raw against Jesse's thigh. He
bit Jesse's lip painfully, sucking the morsel into his mouth.
Jesse shuddered with pain and came, whimpering into Shaun's mouth. The other
boy squeezed his dick painfully, moving against him frantically for a moment
before he too came, splattering Jesse's jeans with his release.
They collapsed against each other in a sweaty pile. Jesse felt sore and sticky
and a little out of breath with Shaun laying on top of him, but he was happy
and he didn't want to change a single thing. Except he might have wanted to
kick Brian out of the room. The toddler was still mercifully asleep. He'd
curled onto his side in Jesse's absence, sucking his thumb.
Shaun followed Jesse's gaze, grunting under his breath.
"You're lucky your brother didn't wake up." He said, pulling himself off of
Jesse. "He would've been scarred for life if he saw us at it."
"I doubt it." Jesse felt quite relaxed even though he was covered in semen and
sweat. He stretched his arms over his head, moaning slightly. He wished he
could stay here all night.
"C'mon. Get up." Shaun commanded, watching Jesse continue to laze about. He had
immediately started straightening himself up, tucking his spent cock away,
straightening his mussed clothes and running fingers through his perpetually
messy hair.
"I want to sleep over." Jesse complained, stretching himself out further. He
liked the way Shaun was looking at him, the way Shaun's eyes lingered on his
legs, his open fly, Jesse's exposed stomach, his arms stretched out over his
head…
"Yeah, well, you can't. Your mom'll be back pretty soon too." Shaun grumbled,
crawling back onto the bed beside Jesse. He wiped the come off Jesse's jeans,
rubbing it off on the bedspread instead. Then he fastened Jesse's jeans up for
him and pulled his shirt back down where it belonged. Jesse made a face at the
uncomfortable feeling of come drying in his underwear, but he knew not a lot
could be done about it. Unless Shaun wanted to loan him some of his boxers that
was.
"Don't you want me to sleep over? I could give you another blowjob later."
Jesse said, clumsily trying to seduce the other boy. "You like blowjobs."
"So, what if I do." Shaun pouted defensively.
"Nothing." Jesse tugged on Shaun's arm, trying to pull the other boy down with
him. He liked having Shaun on top of him. "I like doing it." He admitted shyly.
"You're such a fucking fag, Jess."
The redhead shrugged, feeling a little bit defensive himself. "I love you." He
reminded the other boy.
Shaun's eyes widened slightly and he licked his lips. "I know." He said.
Jesse and Shaun stared at each other for a long moment. Jesse felt a little
strange as he studied his boyfriend's face. Truthfully, he was feeling a little
overwhelmed by everything and even though it was stupidly cliché, he couldn't
help but think of the phrase 'love that hurts'.
He'd never thought love could hurt. But it did. Jesse was so crazy about Shaun,
so stupidly emotive whenever it came to him and yet Shaun was such a fucking
idiot most of the time. He couldn't possibly think the proper response to the
admission 'I love you' was to constantly say 'I know'.
"So are you going to just keep bribing me with blowjobs?" Shaun asked.
"Whatever works." Jesse whispered, feeling stupidly vulnerable. He kind of
hated himself for telling Shaun he loved him all the time and for trying to
make him so fucking happy. It hadn't bothered him before, but Jesse really
wanted Shaun to tell him that he loved him back. But maybe seeing him make love
to his guitar today and watching him lavish affection on Brian had made him a
little jealous and made him want to seek some sort of proof that he was most
important.
Shaun didn't say anything though. He leaned down to capture Jesse's lips again,
kissing him slowly, carefully, passionately. Jesse wrapped his arms around
Shaun's neck, holding on to the bigger boy and telling himself that there was
no need to hear those three coveted words when he was being kissed like this.
He almost believed himself too.
Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the door, followed by Eli's muffled voice.
"Jesse?" The old man called from the other side of the door. "Your mom's here.
Can I come in?"
Shaun scrambled off of Jesse in the blink of an eye. He ran his hands down his
front, smoothing out his clothes. The move hardly helped and he still looked
like he'd been rolling around in bed. Jesse was still slightly irritated with
him and he purposefully called out to Eli before Shaun was completely composed.
"Ruthie wanted to come get you. Wanted to give you a talking to, as well." Eli
said, smirking as he came into the room, surveying the scene. It was pretty
obvious what they'd been doing, the room smelled like sex and they were both
looking pretty rumpled. Eli's eyes inevitably moved towards the stirring
toddler and he raised an eyebrow.
"Um…thanks I guess." Jesse said hastily, getting up himself and trying to
quickly collect himself. At the moment, he wasn't feeling very grateful for the
interruption, but he was pretty sure that Ruth wouldn't have knocked before she
barged in.
"Jesse?" Brian mumbled as he sat up. He sounded tired and sulky and looked even
more so. "I want to finish the movie."
"No, we're going home." Jesse said authoritatively. He had a huge fucking stain
on his pants and he was hoping that it was late enough that Monica wouldn't
notice nor care. He scooped Brian up, holding him on his hip strategically so
most of the stain was covered with the toddler's leg. Jesse felt only slightly
guilty for using the little blond in such a way, but he didn't think Brian
would care even if he understood.
Brian fussed a little bit, but seemed to give up after a moment, resting his
head on Jesse's shoulder and muttering to himself sleepily.
"I'll see you tomorrow?" Jesse asked just to make the other boy speak. Shaun
was looking quite sullen now that his grandfather was watching them.
"Of course." Shaun answered curtly.
Sighing at the unsatisfactory farewell, Jesse nodded at the bigger boy and
followed Eli out of the room.
Ruth and Monica were talking in the kitchen, or rather Ruth was lecturing
Monica and Monica was listening with a sour look on her face. Lissa was still
in Ruth's arms and the little girl seemed somewhat reluctant to go back to
Monica, burying her face in Ruth's neck and curling her fingers in her frizzy,
gray streaked hair.
"How many kids did you say you brought up, girl?" Ruth was saying
condescendingly. "You career girls all think you can raise a child and keep up
a job at the same time. When I was your age, that was unheard of."
"Yes, well I'm a single parent." Monica said somewhat impatiently.
"Oh my, that's something else entirely. Can't hold down a man, darling?" Ruth
questioned viciously.
Monica gaped like a fish, even Jesse was a little shocked at how rude Ruth's
comment had come off. Before Monica could respond, Jesse rushed into the room.
"Hey mom. Let's go. I'm tired." Jesse said in a single breath. "Thanks for
watching my sister." Jesse hitched Brian up onto his hip more firmly and moved
to snatch Lissa from Ruth's grasp.
The old woman was pretty tenacious however and she wrapped her arm around Lissa
tightly. "You don't have to be so rude, boy. I'm talking to your mother." She
snapped.
"Ruthie, they want to go home." Eli said from the sidelines. He watched the
proceedings with a gleam in his eye, clearly amused.
"Alright. I'm just making conversation." Ruth said sourly, finally
relinquishing Lissa. The baby sniffled a little as she went into Jesse's arms,
but she was too tired to put up much of a protest.
Monica strode forward and pulled Lissa from Jesse's arms. "Thanks for watching
them." She said shortly and then she turned and walked out the front door.
"Yeah, thanks again." Jesse said quickly before following Monica out the door.
"This is ridiculous, Jesse." Monica snapped once they were alone. Her van was
parked in the drive and she walked around to get in the front seat. She
carelessly positioned Lissa on her lap. Jesse reluctantly climbed in the
passenger side, holding onto Brian securely. "I give you as much free time as I
can. I need you to help Sam babysit after school."
"I am helping." Jesse protested. He didn't want to get into a huge argument,
but he really was tired of being responsible all the time. Maybe he didn't
exactly have a lot of room to be demanding freedom, but he was a teenager
dammit! He was supposed to rebel.
"This isn't helping." Monica gestured towards Shaun's house to indicate the
childish show of selfishness he had put on earlier. "As long as you're living
under my roof, I need you to help me out."
Monica fell silent as she backed out of the driveway and began the short drive
back home. In the dim glow coming from the dashboard Monica looked angry and
stressed. Her jaw was clenched with frustration.
Looking away, Jesse hugged Brian tighter, feeling a little trapped by his love
for him.
"Maybe I want to move out." He muttered into Brian's hair, knowing that Monica
would hear him and not really caring. He almost wanted to piss her off.
"Then move out." Monica said shortly. "I left home when I was 16 and pregnant
with you."
Jesse was instantly guilty at the reminder. Even though Monica had been very
young during Jesse's early childhood, she had been a pretty decent mother. He
remembered how hard she had worked to finish high school and then to get her
nursing degree. She had never complained, but yet all Jesse could do lately was
whine and shirk his responsibilities.
When they got home, Jesse took Brian upstairs to his room and laid him down on
his bed. He took the little blond's shoes off and smoothed his hair back
gently, watching him sleep like Shaun had earlier. There was a lot more guilt
and uncertainty in his gaze than there had been in Shaun's however. Brian was
fast asleep though and he couldn't see the older boy and Jesse was glad he
couldn't.
As much as he wanted to run away with Shaun he knew he couldn't. Maybe
babysitting Lissa and watching over Sam and Tyler and Allison really wasn't his
job, but Brian was his responsibility. He thought that he'd been doing a pretty
decent job of keeping his obligation to the younger boy, especially with all
the stuff going on with Shaun, but maybe Monica had a point. At least when it
came to Brian, anyways.
Sighing as a weight of responsibility settled over his shoulders, Jesse dragged
himself across the hall to his own room, intent on going to bed.
"I was wondering if you were going to show up." Sam sneered. He was laying on
his bed and he had the TV on, though he wasn't paying much attention to it. It
was obvious that he'd been sitting up here hoping to confront Jesse before the
older boy went to bed. Jesse closed his eyes as he tried to fight down a wave
of annoyance at his little brother, but the technique wasn't working very
effectively.
"What do you want?" He asked, hoping that ignoring Sam as much as possible
might help. He went to his dresser and picked out a pair of comfortable pajamas
to wear to bed. He just wanted to go to sleep.
"What were you doing over there?" Sam asked suspiciously. "I thought you didn't
trust me babysitting by myself."
Jesse shrugged as he changed his clothes. He loved Allison and Tyler, they were
his siblings after all, and he knew Sam felt the same way. Sometimes Sam was an
idiot, but he knew the younger boy wouldn't do anything so stupid as to put
their younger siblings in harm's way. And really, the best babysitter was one
who gave a shit about the babies they were sitting and Sam did care.
"Are you just going to start leaving me in charge all the time?" Sam asked
quickly. Jesse's back was still to Sam, still attempting to ignore him as best
as he possibly could. "Because I don't need your help, no matter what Mom
thinks."
"Yeah, well, Mom wants me around." Jesse dismissed his little brother's
purposefully scathing comment. The redhead was a little hurt by his brother's
harshness. He didn't even really remember why they were always fighting. Before
they had come here they'd gotten along so well, but it was a completely
different story now.
"You can stay with your boyfriend for all I care." Jesse shot Sam a sharp
glance but the younger boy was staring intently at the TV, striving for a bit
of Jesse's nonchalance. "You two butt fuckers could go to hell and I wouldn't
give a damn."
Angry and more than a little hurt, Jesse climbed up to his top bunk and pulled
his pillow over his head, blocking out the sound of his brother and the TV show
he was watching. He wished Shaun had let him spend the night, or that the
sullen boy was here with him right now, anything so that he didn't have to be
alone.
Jesse knew it was kind of pathetic to be longing for the other boy when he had
just left his house, but he couldn't help it. He wanted to be with Shaun all
the time and even when they were together Jesse yearned to be closer.
Eventually, Sam shut the TV off and went to bed. The room was finally quiet and
Jesse was able to fall asleep.
The next two days were very tedious.
Jesse went to school as usual, weathering the looks of disgust and hatred from
his once friendly classmates with Shaun at his side. And then when school as
out they made the 30-minute walk back to Shaun's house so that the aspiring
musician could practice and write.
Jesse was still impressed when he watched the other boy play, but he couldn't
help but feel a little shut out by Shaun's dedication to his music.
On both Thursday and Friday Jesse had to leave Shaun's house to meet Monica
back at home. She had made it very clear Thursday morning that she wanted Jesse
waiting for her when she arrived with the kids.
"Just do what I ask you to and you can have a break over the weekend." Monica
had promised.
So, while Shaun stayed in his garage to work on another song he had been
inspired to write during Chemistry that day, Jesse went to babysit by himself.
Jesse did love his family, no matter how annoying and inconvenient they were,
but he had almost no desire to be with them when the alternative was getting to
spend time with Shaun.
He missed talking about dumb shit with Shaun, smoking weed with him, having him
to himself.
It's only been a few days…Jesse told himself over and over. You're just being
selfish.
And he didn't want to be selfish. He wanted Shaun to write a whole bunch of
awesome songs, he wanted Shaun's new band to be a fucking huge hit and he
wanted Shaun to be famous because he was a great songwriter and an even greater
guitarist. He wanted all that, but he also wanted to be selfish and demand that
Shaun come and be with him even when he had to do boring babysitting stuff.
But he didn't.
At least on Friday, when Monica came home for work a little early, Jesse got to
head back to Shaun's house for a few more hours.
"I'm officially off duty for the rest of the weekend." Jesse announced when he
came into the garage.
Shaun was just wrapping up an impressive riff and he looked a little annoyed to
see Jesse. He put his guitar down though and came to hug Jesse.
"Oh." Jesse grunted as the air was forced out of his lungs with Shaun's
forceful hug, but he was too pleased by the uncharacteristic show of affection
to protest.
"It's so fucked up that your Mom makes you watch those bratty kids all the
time." He said, still holding onto Jesse. "She's like your wife or something."
"Yeah." Jesse sighed. "But at least she gave me some time off."
Shaun grunted, clearly disagreeing. He released Jesse however and went to put
his guitar away.
"You're coming with me tomorrow, right?" Shaun asked, his back to Jesse.
The redhead recognized the casual disinterest with which Shaun positioned
himself as he put the garage back into order. He could tell from the subtle way
Shaun's squared his shoulders and the way he hunched over his case that he was
waiting for some sort of rejection. Would Shaun never learn?
"Of course." Jesse said easily.
Shaun nodded and finished putting his guitar away. He straightened up and
walked over to the door. He didn't meet Jesse's eyes as he walked out and
started towards his house.
"Wait up." Jesse called rushing after him. He started to grab Shaun's arm, to
slow him down but more as an excuse to hold onto him, but Shaun was walking so
fast that by the time Jesse had fallen into step with him they were on the
porch.
"My grandma's on the fucking warpath again…" Shaun said, hesitating by the
front door. "So, don't pull any of your usual shit, Jess. I'm serious."
"What?" Jesse bit his lip, hoping that by his 'usual shit' Shaun didn't mean
sex. He'd come here to hang out and have sex, and it wasn't that he minded
cutting the sex part out of the equation, but he'd specifically told Brian he
couldn't tag along because he'd been hoping to get some.
"If my grandma finds us fucking around, she'll kill me."
Jesse sighed. With all of Shaun's talk of getting the fuck out of dodge, moving
out and getting famous, he sure was concerned with following the rules.
"Promise, or you can't come in." Shaun said forcefully.
"Fine." Jesse scowled.  "I won't touch you."
Shaun glared, his dark eyes flashing. "Good."
They went inside, passing Eli who was reading in the living room. He smiled and
said hello. And then Ruth bustled in from the back room.
"Oh, it's you again." Ruth said.
"Um, yeah. I just—"
"I called your mother and offered to babysit sometime." Ruth interrupted,
acting as if Jesse hadn't even spoken. "She never called me back."
"Um…" There was no way Jesse could have felt any more cornered. "My mom's
schedule is pretty crazy and I'm sure she was just didn't want to take
advantage of your offer." Jesse said quickly, hoping to put the older woman
off.
"That's ridiculous. I'm trying to help your mother out." Ruth said
belligerently. "She's just being rude."
Jesse fought not to laugh outright at Ruth's accusation. He wanted to point out
that Ruth was inarguably the rude one in this situation, but he knew that
saying anything would get him nowhere.
"I should go over there tomorrow morning and give her a piece of my mind." Ruth
muttered under her breath, turning away and disappearing back into the other
bedroom. Jesse watched her go with immense relief.
"Don't pay attention to her." Shaun said needlessly, gesturing Jesse to follow
him back to his room. They shut themselves in Shaun's little domain, and the
distinct lack of parental figures, kids, and annoying little brothers, raised
Jesse's spirits immensely.
"I wasn't going to." The redhead assured the sullen boy, smiling enigmatically.
"I really want to kiss your right now—"
"Don't."
"And I want to suck your cock—"
"Jesse…"
"And to be honest, I want you to suck mine too."
"Fuck."
Jesse paused to study the wild haired boy before him, looking into his
expressive eyes, tracing the beloved face, his cheekbones, his jaw, Jesse's
gaze settled on Shaun's lips.
Before Jesse had come to this shithole town, he had loved kissing girls. He
remembered his last girlfriend in Detroit. Her lips had been so pretty and pink
and they'd always tasted like strawberry lip balm.
But Shaun's were a hundred times more appealing just because they were Shaun's
lips. He loved the person behind them so intensely, loved him more than a
thousand pretty but ultimately useless girls with sweet lipbalmed lips. He
loved Shaun so much that he was embarrassed to find himself still staring at
Shaun's lips even after Shaun had plainly told him not to.
Shaun took a shaky breath, his gorgeous lips parting as he spoke. "Jesse, I—"
There wasn't even so much as a knock before Ruth burst into Shaun's room,
already midway through a sentence.
"…why your mother would turn down a free babysitter." She said, seemingly
oblivious to the strange scene she had intruded on. Shaun immediately went to
sit at the foot of his bed, focusing his gaze on one of the band posters he had
over his dresser. Jesse tried to look natural, standing in the middle of the
bedroom, longing and lust writ clearly on his face. "Does she think she's too
good for me or something?"
"What?" Jesse asked distractedly. He wanted to tell Ruth to fuck off, but he
didn't think she'd take too kindly to that. She'd probably tell him to fuck
off.
"Your mother." Ruth repeated, enunciating clearly as if Jesse were an idiot. "I
don't understand why she wouldn't want her neighbor babysitting for free. It's
not like I'm some sort of pedophile." Ruth spat. "Poor little children are
molested every day right under their parents' noses. And you know how?"
Jesse realized he was supposed to answer when Ruth paused with her hand on her
hip and an expectant look on her face. Just to hurry the stupid interruption
along, Jesse played the game. "How?" He asked.
"The molesters are always the ones that the parents trust the most." Ruth
answered with glee. "It's easy to get to the kids when they're already on good
terms with the parents."
"Hmm." Jesse didn't see what Ruth's point was but he wasn't about to delve into
the matter. The only thing that was important about the older woman's rambling
was that Jesse would make sure to tell Monica – even though they weren't
currently on speaking terms – that it would be a decidedly bad idea to leave
either Lissa or Brian alone with Ruth, unless there was absolutely no
alternative.
"Tell your mother that." Ruth said triumphantly before she ducked out of the
room, slamming the door shut behind her.
"I hate your Grandma." Jesse said, not even caring at this point if Ruth heard
him or not. He came to sit down on the bed next to Shaun, not nearly as close
as he would have liked, but closer than two friends should sit.
Shaun snorted with amusement. "Join the fucking club."
"I hate my mom too."
Shaun rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I fucking hate your mom." Shaun agreed. "She's a
fucking bitch."
"Let's run away. Let's just get the fuck out of here." Jesse suggested brashly,
even though he knew he wouldn't be able to. At least not without a struggle.
"When I tried to get you to come with me, you said you couldn't." Shaun pointed
out coldly.
Jesse sighed. He felt so fucking trapped and as much as he wanted to just kiss
Shaun and forget about everything, he reluctantly agreed that it wasn't a good
idea. There was no telling when Ruth would pop in again.
"At least we can get some pot tomorrow." Shaun said after a moment of silence,
during which the two of them sat morosely, lost in their own depressing
thoughts. The fact that Shaun, king of moping, was trying to cheer him up
though made Jesse smile. "Ben has a connect that we can go buy shit from."
"That'll be nice."
"Yeah." Shaun smirked. "And I'll be totally wasted before Ben asks me to show
him my song ideas."
"Hmm." Jesse turned, putting his feet up on Shaun's bed, so he could face the
other boy more fully. "Are you nervous about it?"
Shaun shrugged. "I don't know. I don't like—"
"Rejection?" Jesse finished for the other boy, remembering all the experience
he had with Shaun and his fear of being turned down. On Tuesday night when
Jesse and Ben had proposed the new band idea, the one where Shaun was not only
the lead guitarist but the lead singer and the front man, had only served to
display just how much Shaun dreaded his ideas being shot down. Jesse knew that
while Shaun hadn't been happy in his last band, he knew Shaun had found a
certain kind of comfort in not having his concepts and ideas scrutinized the
way they were going to be tomorrow. But the fact that Shaun was doing it
despite that fear, and under his and Ben's insistence, was kinda cool.
Shaun shrugged again, looking uncomfortable as Jesse read into his mind.
"They're probably going to hate it."
"Why? The stuff you came up with in three days is pretty fucking impressive."
Jesse pointed out. He had only been allowed to see the lyrics from the poem,
and besides the guitar work, Shaun had been pretty secretive about everything
else. He knew that Ben wouldn't hate it though.
"You don't know anything about music." Shaun accused.
"Do too." Jesse protested. "I still remember what you taught me on guitar."
Even though that little exercise had happened weeks ago and felt like another
fucking lifetime.
Shaun full out smiled at that little comment and he turned to face Jesse,
reaching up to touch the redhead's cheek. "That's right. I forgot you were a
musical genius." He said sarcastically, his fingers digging into Jesse's skin
and pulling him nearer.
"No, that's you, baby." Jesse went willingly, coming up onto his knees so that
his hands could rest on Shaun's thighs.
Shaun gripped Jesse's face painfully, holding him back. "I want to kiss you."
Shaun said slowly, his dark eyes burning.
"Then do it."
Shaun held Jesse in his precarious balance, not letting him get any closer, but
he leaned in slowly, touching his lips softly to Jesse's.
"…God…" Jesse moaned at the electric feel of Shaun's chapped lips on his. He
wanted more, needed more. "Please." He begged.
Jesse fell face first on Shaun's bed, his hands scrabbling for purchase on the
bigger boy's retreating legs.
The bedroom door opened and Shaun was already across the room, snarling as Ruth
poked her head in again.
"Grandma!" Shaun yelled before Ruth could get her mouth open. "What the fuck do
you want?! We're fucking busy!"
Ruth raised a brow, her gaze sliding from the furious and indignant look on
Shaun's face to Jesse, sprawled awkwardly on Shaun's bed. "Busy with what?" She
asked testily.
"We're talking about band stuff." Shaun snapped, stepping in front of the door
and firmly pushing Ruth back out into the hallway. "It's important."
"You and your band…" Ruth muttered. "When are you going to grow up and start
living in the real world, Shaun? You need to stop spending so much of your time
on things that won't get you anywhere."
Shaun successfully pushed Ruth out of the doorway and he slammed the door in
Ruth's face. He stared hatefully at the closed door until Jesse called him back
to the bed. They sat side by side, talking about anything but Shaun's new band,
his new songs, or anything else of consequence. Jesse brought up the history
test they'd taken earlier that day and compared answers. Neither of them knew
the correct answers however, so it became more of a laugh than any real search
for knowledge.
After their second close call, in less than 5 minutes no less, Jesse decided to
give up on the romance. At least he got to spend some time with the other boy,
more or less alone. Ruth popped in several more times. Once to start up another
complaint about Monica and the whole babysitting debacle and another time she
burst in just to ask what they were doing. Her eyes were suspicious when she
left the room, but Jesse and Shaun were sitting a respectable distance from
each other and Shaun had turned on the TV he'd taken from Eli and they glanced
at it from time to time. There wasn't really anything suspicious about boys
watching TV and talking. Or at least Jesse didn't think so.
The third, and last time Ruth came into Shaun's room, she actually knocked
first.
"Shaun? Don't you think your friend should be heading home now?"
Shaun gave Ruth a severe look. "It's only 10." He pointed out.
"You told your grandfather you'd go hunting with him tomorrow." She said,
putting a fat hand on her hip. "We're running low on venison."
"Oh." Shaun nodded. "Alright."
Ruth glanced one last time at Jesse before she shut the door, going back to her
room.
"You're going hunting tomorrow?" Jesse asked, surprised at the announcement. "I
thought we were going to Ben's."
"We are. I just have to do this first." Shaun answered evasively, avoiding
Jesse's gaze.
Jesse pouted. "I can't come?"
"No. If we bring you along, it'll take twice as long." Shaun said sourly.
"Besides, we're leaving here around 3 in the morning so that we can get to a
good spot me and my grandpa found a few years back."
"3 am?" That sounded like some sort of joke.
"Yeah. Hunting is serious business." Shaun proved Jesse's point by smirking at
the unending amount of sarcasm in that simple remark. Jesse smirked back.
"Then, you'll come get me when you're ready to go?"
Shaun deflated somewhat, sighing with irritation. "You're so stupid sometimes.
Of course I'll come get you." Jesse perked up at the definite 'yes' and he
leaned in for a quick kiss to tide him over to tomorrow. Shaun's smile
returned.
Jesse jumped up and headed towards the door. "See you tomorrow then." He
called, feeling a bit more cheerful than he had been. Tomorrow was another day,
and they were bound to find some time to be alone together so they could ravish
each other's bodies. Saturday was Shaun's favorite day to get absolutely
trashed and a trashed Shaun meant a very happy Jesse. He had a feeling he'd be
getting his wish tomorrow and that he'd get to watch Shaun wrap his gorgeous
lips around his cock.
Jesse walked the short distance back to his house, thinking about Shaun's
hunting trip. He could just imagine the sullen boy stalking through the woods
with a gun, hiding behind trees and brush and watching prey with his forbidding
eyes.
If Jesse was a deer, he'd be very afraid for his life, but picturing his
boyfriend as a veritable killing machine was kinda hot.
When Jesse got home the house was quiet and dark, or as quiet as a house could
be with six people inside it. There were muffled voices coming from upstairs,
though Jesse figured it was just the TV.
He and Sam weren't talking again and Sam had taken to glaring at Jesse whenever
he was in the vicinity. He seemed to think that the only way Jesse would
understand he was mad was with glares and the silent treatment.
He was still such a stupid kid and it irritated the fuck out of Jesse. He was a
little sad too that after all they'd been through together it had all come down
to this bullshit. They couldn't look at each other without glaring, couldn't
speak without yelling.
He was halfway up the stairs, taking his time because he wasn't looking forward
to being in the same room as his bratty brother, when he heard a very familiar
laugh.
Barely even thinking, Jesse ran up the last few steps, pounded down the hallway
and threw open his bedroom door.
"What's he doing here?!"
Kyle was sitting cross-legged on Sam's bed, one of his huge ass bottles of
vodka cradled between his legs. He was smiling at Sam who sat next to him on
the bed, so close that their knees were touching. They were both smiling, and
Sam was laughing delightedly at something Kyle had said just as Jesse was
coming in. The two of them looked so fucking cozy. Looking at them was like
déjà vu. The way Sam was looking at Kyle and the annoyance Kyle was leveling at
Jesse at the clearly unexpected interruption reminded Jesse heavily of himself
and Shaun just minutes ago.
"Sam? What the fuck…did you invite him over?"
Sam turned towards Jesse slowly, his cheerful expression melting away. "So what
if I did? He's my friend."
Jesse watched as his brother's face hardened, his expression growing more
petulant by the second. He couldn't fucking believe this shit! "I know you hate
me Sam, but your friend there almost got me killed!" Jesse cried dramatically,
pointing at Kyle. The blond flinched slightly at the accusation, but he didn't
say anything. Sam stared at him with wide eyes, skepticism radiating off him in
waves. "Look at this!" Jesse gestured to his still healing face. "THIS was all
his fault!"
"Jesse…"
"No! You shut up! I'm not talking to you." Jesse cut Kyle off viciously. He
didn't want to hear anything that bastard had to say. Not only had he told the
whole school he was gay, gotten him beat up – even though Jesse had had it
coming – and he'd been conspicuously absent from school the whole week! He knew
he'd wronged Jesse and Shaun, and he'd been hiding to protect himself! Jesse
hadn't gotten a chance to get his revenge on Kenny and Eric, but he could do
something about Kyle!
"I asked Kyle to come here." Sam broke Kyle's and Jesse's staring match, his
voice surprisingly firm. "I asked him to come because I like him. You're just
fucking jealous that you're not the only one with friends—"
"Oh, shut up Sam. I'm not jealous of you hanging out with this asshole! He
fucking screwed me over and I'm sure he doesn't see you as a friend—"
"Yes he does!" Sam shouted.
"He's a fucking snake! Just like Shaun told me he was." Jesse talked over his
brother. He was almost gratified to see the little brat's eyes sparkling with
tears. He always cried when he got mad and it was good to see him losing his
temper for once. Tonight, Jesse was going to be the instigator. "He's just
hanging out with you because it pisses me off!"
"Well, I don't know about that…" Kyle began. "I only came over because Sam told
me you probably weren't coming home tonight." Jesse growled in the back of his
throat, imagining Sam and Kyle plotting behind his back, trying to figure out
the best times they could meet up and be bastards together when there would be
zero chance of Jesse bursting in on them. "But now that you're here," And here
Kyle paused to look Jesse up and down. "I suppose we had better have a talk."
"You don't have to talk to him." Sam interjected loyally.
"Go to hell, Sam!" Jesse spat, wanting very much to rip his brother's hair out.
He was such a fucking jerk!
"No. We need to talk."
Jesse didn't want to talk. In his mind, Kyle had betrayed his confidence with
disastrous results, and he therefore deserved a fitting punishment. Jesse
wasn't going to lay into Kyle the way Shaun had laid into Kenny and Eric, but
he did think Kyle deserved a matching black eye and maybe a bruised pair of
balls. It was only fair after all.
"Outside." Jesse proposed in an unyielding voice and after the slightest
hesitation, Kyle nodded.
"I'm coming too." Sam said as Kyle got up and walked to stand near Jesse. Sam
got unsteadily to his feet, grabbing the bottle of vodka Kyle had left behind.
He started to raise the bottle to his lips, but seemed to think better of it
and he settled for holding it loosely. The wooden floorboards were still sticky
with the vodka Kyle had brought over last time. Sam and Jesse, being teenage
boys, had managed to avoid the disgusting spill rather than cleaning it up by
letting their usual mess of laundry, toys, school work and reading material
pile up over it. Sam seemed pretty unstable on his feet, probably fucking
drunk, or at least on his way to drunk, and he hoped that Sam wouldn't spill
any more alcohol on the floor. He had bigger things to think about though, so,
wordlessly he gestured Kyle out of the room and he shut the door behind them as
he followed Kyle out to the hall. Despite his declaration, Sam did not follow.
"Jesse?" Monica's voice floated down from the opposite end of the hallway.
"Keep it down." She insisted. "You'll wake Lissa."
"Sorry." Jesse called, grabbing Kyle's arm roughly and yanking him down the
stairs.
Kyle wasn't in the mood to be pulled however, and as soon as they were out of
earshot, he tore his arm out of Jesse's grasp.
"I can walk fine, thank you." He said testily.
"I don't trust you to not run away." Jesse scowled, marching over to the front
door as if to cut off Kyle's only exit. "Let's go have a chat." He said
menacingly.
Jesse made sure the porch light was on before he led the way outside. He wanted
to be able to see Kyle's face when he was done teaching him a lesson after all.
Kyle, his head held high, came to stand a few feet away from Jesse, looking
impervious and strangely attractive under the dim lighting.
"So, you're mad at me." Kyle said simply.
"Yeah. Do you really blame me?"
Kyle shrugged. "I guess if I were in your position I'd be angry as well."
Jesse cocked a brow at Kyle's insinuation. "So, from your position…you didn't
do anything wrong?"
"I think my actions were justified. Yes."
Without really thinking about it, Jesse punched Kyle in the face. The blond
reeled backwards and gasped but he then immediately straightened up and pulled
his hands up to block his face. Jesse had assumed Kyle couldn't fight, but it
appeared that he might have been taught some self-defense. Jesse smiled,
feeling a lot better about wanting to tear the bastard's hair out and smash in
his face.
"That was a fucking cheap shot!" Kyle had the gall to say.
"You outted me! To the whole school!" Jesse yelled back, stalking forward as he
planned another hit, but Kyle backed up nimbly, dancing just out of reach. "I
don't know, because I haven't been into guys very long, but there has to be
some fucking moral code with you people that says you're not allowed to do
that!"
Kyle laughed bitterly. "If there's a moral code, then you were the first to
violate it."
"What?!" Jesse lunged, trying to grab Kyle's arm and pull the bastard back
within punching distance. He kept easily evading Jesse's clumsy attempts
however, dodging out of the way with his fists up and ready.
"I didn't actually think that Shaun was going to go for you, no matter what you
said. All these years I've known him…he's never given me a second glance. In
fact, he hated me."
"He hates you now!" Jesse yelled, wanting to add that if Shaun were here right
now, Kyle would probably already be nothing but a distant memory. There was no
doubt in Jesse mind that Shaun wanted to kill the boy that was so efficiently
evading him.
"He was mine!" Kyle said loudly, his voice hoarse. Jesse paused at the raw
emotion in the other boy's words, more than a little stunned. Kyle was the
master of calm, but that still veneer was cracking down the middle. "He may
have hated me, but he was mine."
"What the fuck are you talking about? You don't like Shaun. You told me
yourself."
"Fuck you." Kyle spat. "Just because I didn't chase after him like an idiot
doesn't mean that I didn't want him."
Jesse rolled his eyes, suddenly impatient. "You're making fucking excuses. You
know what you did was fucked up and we both know that you deserve to be beaten
into the ground."
"Fuck you." Kyle hissed.
"No, fuck you!" Kyle's distraction let Jesse get close enough to hit him again.
He didn't manage to get him in the face again, he only got him on the shoulder,
pushing him back a little bit and forcing him to stumble.
Really, this was getting him nowhere, and the longer Jesse stared at Kyle's
self-righteous expression, the more he wanted to kill him.
"I hate you."
"The feel's mutual, I assure you." Kyle agreed through gritted teeth.
"Then just let me punch you a few times and then you can get out of my face."
Kyle gave Jesse a disbelieving look. "You think I'm going to let you beat me
up?"
"I don't know! What else are you fucking doing here if you aren't looking for
trouble! You had to know that I was going to show up eventually!"
Jesse expected Kyle to deny him again, to make up an excuse, so he was
surprised when Kyle nodded solemnly. "I did want to talk to your brother—"
"I don't want you to talk to him ever again!" Jesse interrupted.
Kyle held up a hand and Jesse was reluctantly forced to shut his mouth if he
wanted to hear the rest of Kyle's lame excuses.
"I know what you must be thinking—"
Jesse couldn't help it, he interrupted again. "You don't know what I'm fucking
thinking." He snapped.
"Fine." Kyle glared. "I didn't really come here specifically to see you, but we
do need to talk, alright. I know that you're mad at me, but—"
"Mad?" Jesse again gestured to his face which still bore bruises compliments of
Kenny and Eric. "This is your fault." He said dramatically, even though he
knew, even though his anger, that he was being a little ridiculous and
exaggerating greatly.
"…I need you to do me a favor." Kyle continued blithely.
"A favor?" Jesse laughed, feeling a tad hysterical. "You want me to do you a
fucking favor?"
"If you really love Shaun…" Kyle sneered the word. "Then you have to tell him
to forget about all this revenge stuff."
"Oh." Jesse couldn't believe Kyle was such a fucking asshole. "So you want off
the hook for something you did to me, and you want me to help you out?"
Kyle raised his chin arrogantly and Jesse wished he were within arm's reach of
the bastard. He'd punch that fucker out with one hit.
"I went to see Kenny yesterday…" Jesse raised an eyebrow, wondering what the
other boy's angle was in bringing up the jock, but he didn't interrupt despite
the obvious opening Kyle had left him in which to do so. Kyle seemed
disgustingly pleased when Jesse kept his mouth shut. "His parents are
pressuring him to talk to the police."
Jesse stiffened, immediately overtaken by fear. Kyle, on the other hand,
smirked, clearly happy with Jesse's reaction. The little redhead quickly tried
to compose himself, forcing his body to relax, striving to look normal. He knew
he must have looked like a total idiot, but he wasn't used being so invested in
another person. He wasn't used to the spike of paralyzing fear he felt when he
realized how much it would hurt him to see Shaun locked up for trying to defend
him.
"Kenny's really messed up." Kyle said, his calm coming back in spades.
"What are you trying to say?" Jesse snapped when he felt he could open his
mouth and not say something reprehensibly stupid.
Kyle shrugged. "Like I said, I know you're mad at me and I'm sure Shaun's mad
too…"
"He's more than mad, Kyle."
"I know." Kyle admitted swiftly, a pained look crossing his face. Jesse
couldn't believe that the other boy had any sort of real feelings for Shaun,
but that brief look had seemed genuine. "But I have to go back to school
eventually and as much as I don't want to threaten Shaun," Jesse scoffed
incredulously but was thoroughly ignored. "If you can't convince Shaun to give
up the revenge plot against me, and he gets his hands on me, I'll get Kyle to
go to the cops and I'll go with him and corroborate his story."
So he was making threats now?! "And then I'll tell them that Kenny and his
friends ganged up on me!"
"You think they'll believe you over me and Kenny?" Kyle snorted. "Everyone
around here's been waiting for the day when Shaun cracks and kills
someone…Kenny's parents are practically having a hay day. They can't believe
they're so close to getting the town menace locked in prison for assault. And
don't fool yourself, Shaun will do time if he's turned in. He's almost an
adult, and Kenny's messed up enough to warrant it."
Jesse felt another chill pass over him at the thought of Shaun being taken away
from him.
"Plus, you're new around here. There's no way the cops will take your side over
mine. You're just Shaun's gay lover after all."
Jesse lunged forward, trying to catch the bastard again, but Kyle leapt out of
the way laughing heartily.
"How about it, Jess?" Kyle taunted. "Are you gonna call your precious Shaun
off? Tell him that he doesn't need to be a big man to make you happy?"
Jesse growled, tripping on a loose floorboard on his porch. Kyle laughed harder
as Jesse tried to keep himself from falling on his ass. Kyle was so preoccupied
with laughing that he left himself wide open to attack.
Jesse wasn't a ninja or anything, and he certainly didn't have the skills to
just leap up from his near fall and attack, but he was fast enough to grab Kyle
by the front of his shirt and leaning most his weight into Kyle's body, the
blond was forced backwards until his back hit the side of the house and Jesse
was pressing an elbow into his chest.
Kyle's amusement had all but dried up and he made a gasping sound of surprise
as he found himself pinned with Jesse in his face. He stared seriously into
Jesse's eyes.
"I'll let you hit me once, for what I did. I won't hit you back and I won't
block it, but you have to stop at one punch."
"You'll let me?" Jesse chuckled under his breath. Just a few minutes ago Kyle
had said just the opposite. The fucking snake. He was now at Jesse's mercy, but
he was still so sure that he was running things.
There was no doubt that Jesse wanted to punch the other boy, and he did want to
save Shaun from serving time as a criminal. He hadn't wanted Shaun beating
people up for him in the first place, so this kind of worked out. He got to
give Kyle a well-deserved punch, while at the same time he kept both him and
Shaun safe, happy and together. It pained him to have to give into Kyle's will,
but he was mature enough, level headed enough, to realize that sometimes
getting everything he wanted wasn't possible.
"Alright." As a sign of goodwill Jesse pulled back and released Kyle from his
tenacious hold. "One hit, right?"
"Yes." Kyle stepped away from the house slightly, coming to stand just in front
of the porch light so his face was mostly thrown into shadow. Jesse didn't want
to see his stupid face anymore anyway, so he was glad of the move. "If you try
more than one, then—"
"Yeah, you'll call the cops on me or whatever." Jesse scowled, tired of being
kicked around and threatened by the blond.
"No, I'll fight back." Kyle corrected Jesse sharply. "I do know how to fight,
my step dad showed me how."
Jesse rolled his eyes and Kyle folded his arms impatiently over his chest. "Ok,
I'm ready." He said. 
Kyle might have known how to defend himself, which was a pretty annoying turn
of events, but Jesse was sure he didn't know how hard Jesse could hit. He'd
been right earlier when he'd said Jesse's first punch had been a cheap shot. It
had been. Cheap and driven by more blind anger than brute force.
Jesse took a deep breath before pulling his arm back.  The redhead's fingers
clenched, his hand curling into a fist and then he was throwing his body into
the effort, twisting just slightly to get a good aim.
The redhead's fist connected firmly with Kyle's mouth. Kyle, despite his
preparations, fell backwards on his ass. A thin trail of blood leaked from the
corner of Kyle's mouth but he otherwise seemed fine. He winched and rubbed his
face for a moment while Jesse watched him, outwardly delighted with himself.
Kyle got up off the ground after a moment, however. His eyes, when he finally
managed to meet Jesse's, were grave.
"If you had been here instead of Shaun, I think we could have been good
friends. Maybe something even more." Jesse doubted that, but he was feeling
much too satisfied with himself to ruin it by getting into another pointless
argument. He'd let Kyle have the last word and then he'd go inside, leaving the
bastard out here to lick his wounds in peace. "I like you, Jesse. But I like
Shaun better."
"I like him better than you too, you fucking retard."
Kyle smirked, his characteristic smile only slightly marred by Jesse's fist. He
wiped the thin trail of blood away with the back of his hand and it was like
the punch hadn't happened at all.
Jesse was wondering if he should try to hit Kyle again, or at least get in a
real fight with him, one where he wasn't given permission to do use certain
attacks. But then Kyle was already starting to walk away from Jesse and the
house,
"I'll see you Monday morning." He called out carelessly over his shoulder,
walking towards the end of the driveway. Kyle's Cadillac was parked there,
partially hidden in the shadows and Jesse was a little perplexed to see it. He
didn't remember it being there earlier when he'd come home, though he hadn't
really been paying much attention earlier.
Jesse watched Kyle drive away with a mix of oddly conflicting feelings and he
ended up standing under the dim porch light for several minutes, just sorting
through everything that had just happened before he could bring himself to go
back inside.
Sam was still up in their room, still holding the bottle of alcohol and still
contemplating taking a drink. His drunken indecision was written all over his
face.
"Kyle?" Sam looked up and realized pretty quickly that the intruder was Jesse
and not the blond dealer. With a disappointed grunt, Sam slumped back against
his bed, cradling the bottle to his chest like it was a security blanket or a
much-loved stuffed animal.
"He went home." Jesse informed his brother, picking his way across their
trashed room until he was hovering over the younger boy. He used his superior
height and sobriety to wrest the vodka from Sam's death grip with relative
ease.
"Why'd you make him leave!" Sam yelled, sitting up abruptly and then almost
toppling backwards again. "And give me that back!" He made a clumsy lunge for
the vodka but Jesse kept it out of his reach.
"You're drunk. The last thing you need is more alcohol." Jesse said smartly,
glaring at his brother a little bit. It felt good to have the upper hand on the
younger boy again.
"It's not alcohol. It's vodka." Sam argued, making another lazy attempt to
regain his lost bottle. "There's a difference."
Jesse snorted. "Whatever." He went to turn the overhead light off and then
changed out of his jeans, exchanging them for something a bit more comfortable.
Sam was still complaining on the bed, whining about the lack of vodka and about
being ignored.
"We were having a great time until you showed up." Sam bitched. "I don't even
know why you bothered coming back. You should just marry Shaun and move in with
him. Leave me the fuck alone."
Jesse rolled his eyes. The room was dark however, and Sam couldn't see him. He
took the opportunity to take a big swallow from the vodka, feeling he probably
deserved it after everything he'd gone through today. And really, there wasn't
that much left anyway. He might as well finish the whole thing.
By the time he crawled up to his bed Sam was still muttering to himself, but
Jesse was feeling a bit calmer about everything and so he didn't let it bother
him. He pulled his pillow over his head to block out Sam's voice and fell
asleep.
In the morning, Jesse was glad to wake up in his room alone. He could hear
voices floating up from downstairs, and he lay in his bed hoping that if he
waited long enough everyone would leave.
After another hour of lying around didn't bring any results, Jesse got up to
trudge across the hallway, taking a piss and then a long shower. He dressed
slowly in his room, reluctant to start the day with his family.
However, once he was dressed he figured that he couldn't stall anymore and he
ventured downstairs for some breakfast.
Lissa was in her bouncer chair, watching a stupid baby show on TV while Brian
played on the carpet with his Legos. Brian looked up excitedly when Jesse came
into the room.
"Are you going to Shaun's house?" He asked.
"No, we're hanging out with Ben tonight." Jesse answered the little blond
absently. On his way to the kitchen he pet Brian's hair, trying to ignore the
boy's sulky look.
Monica was washing dishes in the kitchen. Jesse still wasn't on the best of
terms with his mother, but he greeted her pleasantly enough.
"What are you doing tonight?" Monica turned away from the sink, watching Jesse
as he got milk out of the refrigerator for cereal.
Uh oh. Monica never asked Jesse what he was doing. Normally, she didn't really
care what he did as long as he didn't get into trouble. This couldn't be good.
"I'm hanging out with Shaun." Jesse said cautiously. "Why?"
"Oh." Annoyance flashed across Monica's face briefly, but her expression soon
smoothed back to neutral. "I have a date tonight."
Jesse's stomach sank. His and Sam's speculations had been right after all.
Monica was seeing someone. Or at least, she was interested in seeing them. So
many times in the past Monica had said the very same words. "I have a date…I
met someone…" And every single time she said them, things ended in disaster.
Monica had been knocked up and abused and cheated on, but she never gave up
hope of finding Mr. Right.
"Where's Sam?" Jesse asked instead of bringing up the oh-so-obvious topic of
Monica's date for the evening. He didn't want to know anything about it.
"He went out."
"And the twins?"
"They're spending the night at a friend's house."
Jesse quirked an eyebrow, surprised that Monica had managed to rid the house of
most of the children. This must be a real serious date. But if Monica thought
for even one fucking minute that he was going to help her out and watch Lissa
for her—
"Since you can't babysit, I guess I'll have to call the woman at the daycare.
Her sister runs a weekend service. They like me so I can probably get them to
take the kids for the night."
Jesse felt uncomfortable watching his mom shrug off her responsibilities. If he
wasn't such a selfish teenager he might have called off his plans for the night
and offered to watch the kids after all. But Jesse really was tired of taking
care of both small children, almost entirely on his own. He needed a fucking
break. Plus, Monica had never been completely negligent with her kids. Sure, as
they were growing up, more times than not Jesse and Sam had been dropped off
with relatives and friends while Monica had gallivanted off with her man of the
month. And yes, at times she'd been more interested in spending time with her
boyfriends than with her kids, but she'd never put any of them in danger, she'd
always made sure that Jesse and his younger siblings had supervision, food,
water and shelter. She was just as selfish as Jesse sometimes, especially when
it came to men, but she did love her family in her own way.
The kids would be safe at daycare, Jesse assured himself and finished
retrieving the milk, a box of cereal and a bowl and spoon. He went to the
kitchen table to eat his breakfast.
"You're going to a party with that friend of yours?" Monica asked absently.
She'd turned back to the sink, finishing up the dishes halfheartedly.
"Yeah. He's in a band."
"That's nice."
Jesse finished his breakfast in silence. Monica didn't say anything about her
new boyfriend and Jesse didn't ask. The redhead was glad when Monica finished
with the dishes and left the room. After Jesse had eaten and cleaned up his
mess, he wasn't surprised to find Monica absent from the living room again. The
baby had disappeared from her bouncy chair, probably upstairs with Monica, but
Brian was still playing with his blocks.
Feeling guilty for ignoring the little blond, Jesse sat down beside the
dejected looking boy and gave him a hug.
"I love you, buddy." Jesse told the boy, kissing his forehead. Brian was a bit
resistant at first, but when he realized that Jesse wasn't going anywhere
anytime soon, he clung to him a little tighter than usual, sniffling slightly
as he pushed his face into Jesse's t-shirt. Jesse felt his heart break.
"Will you play with me?" Brian asked shyly once Jesse let go.
And even though the last thing Jesse wanted to do was play with Legos, he
nodded and suggested that they try to make a really tall tower.
"Yeah! We can show it to Shaun." Brian agreed, the smile coming back to his
sweet face.
Jesse was frozen in place by Brian's blue eyes, so much like his own that it
was like looking into a mirror. He wished he could be better for Brian, more
like the father figure he needed, instead of the selfish teenager he so
undeniably was.
To make up for his shortcomings he spent way longer than he had intended
playing with Brian. He was able to involve himself in the little boy a lot more
than he had been in the past few days, and the blond clearly noticed the extra
attention. His face was brighter, happier, and his eyes shone brilliantly the
longer the two spent together. By the time they had finished their massive,
four foot tall tower, neither of them remembered that they'd been planning to
show it to Shaun and Jesse picked Brian up and swung him around like he was a
tiny, human-shaped wrecking ball, using Brian's legs to knock the tower down in
the most destructive way possible.
They were both laughing at the huge mess they'd made when Monica poked her head
into the living room and scowled.
"I hope you're planning on cleaning that up." She snapped.
Jesse rolled his eyes. "We are."
Monica's hair was up in rollers and she was wearing one of her lacy slips. She
hadn't made her face up yet, but she was clearly in the midst of preparations.
"I thought your date was tonight." Jesse pointed out suspiciously, wondering
why Monica was getting ready hours early. It was only 2 pm.
"It is." Monica sniffed and vanished, her voice trailing back into the living
room as she went back upstairs. "I have to take the kids to daycare in a little
bit, so clean everything up for me."
Jesse frowned after his mother. He hoped that Monica wasn't going to bring her
boyfriend back here to fuck. A shiver of displeasure ran through him at the
thought. 
"Come on, kid. Help me pick this up." Jesse sighed, turning back to their mess.
It wasn't nearly as funny now, but he'd rather just get it over with.
Luckily, Brian was eager to help out and he ended up running around the room
collecting pieces and trying to throw them into the Lego bucket Jesse was
holding like it was a basketball net. Brian didn't have a great aim, being only
a three year old, after all, but Jesse was quick enough to almost always catch
Brian's throws in the bucket.
Either way, it went much faster this way.
When they were on the last few blocks, there was a firm knock on the front
door. Jesse froze, missing Brian's airborne block. It hit him in the chest and
bounced off onto the floor.
Monica flew down the stairs and paused in the living room entrance. She was
dressed now, and her hair was done. She didn't have any makeup on, however, and
she was missing shoes. Her face was pale as she stared at the closed door.
"See who it is!" She hissed, her eyes refusing to stray from the door.
Aware that it could be Shaun behind the door, and also quite aware that his
mother's date might be here ahead of schedule, Jesse went to answer the door.
"Hey." Shaun greeted absently as he pushed past the redhead and came into the
room. "Ben called after you left last night and said that he wanted us to come
over as early as I could, but I told him we couldn't be at his house until
around…" Shaun glanced up at the sun, Jesse looked after him at the soft blue
sky wondering if Shaun could read it like a watch. "Until...well, now I guess."
Shaun said, sounding slightly frustrated. "Grandpa just would not stop talking
about you." Shaun continued on in his incredibly chatty mood. He seemed more
nervous than anything, however. "He just went on and on about how if I ever
wanted to tell him anything about us that he'd be fine with it and that if I
wanted a revised sex talk that he'd give me one whenever I wanted." Shaun
snorted.
Jesse glanced quickly to the side, glad that Monica had apparently retreated
back upstairs when she'd realized that her date wasn't here yet. Jesse took
their relative solitude to step right into Shaun's personal space. He wrapped
his arms around Shaun's neck and brought his mouth down to Jesse's level,
kissing him warmly in greeting.
It shut Shaun's nervous jabbering up at least, and he briefly returned the
kiss, his arms snaking around Jesse's waist. He pulled away when Brian tried to
squirm between them however, loudly asking: "Can I have a hug too?"
"Ah…" Shaun's cheeks turned an unflattering shade of brick red but Jesse
laughed at the little boy's actions. "Brian, honey, can you put the rest of the
blocks away for me? We need to get going."
"Aww." Brian pouted. "Are you sure I can't go?"
"Yeah. You wouldn't have any fun." Jesse assured the blond. "But I'll see you
tomorrow."
"Ok." Brian held up his arms stubbornly and Jesse picked the boy up, hugging
him tightly and kissing his forehead. Brian laughed at the unexpected kiss and
pushed playfully against Jesse's chest, wanting to be let down.
Shaun had been watching them interact with a fond smile on his face, one that
Jesse was quite sure he'd never seen before. But the smile disappeared
slightly, the sullen boy's expression turning back to embarrassment when Brian
held his arms up to Shaun now, wordlessly asking for a hug from him as well.
"This is really stupid." Shaun grumbled, but he did crouch down slightly in
order to pull the toddler into a one-armed hug. Brian ignored Shaun's comment
and snuggled closer, kissing Shaun on the cheek in much the same way Jesse had
kissed him just seconds ago. It didn't make Shaun laugh, though he did blush
some more. He stood up quickly, wiping the kiss away.
"Bye mom! I'm leaving!" Jesse yelled up the stairs, figuring he might as well
do his last bit of responsibility for the weekend while he was on his way out
the door. He waited until he heard an acknowledgement, or rather a muffled
voice coming from the bathroom, before he turned away and hurried to Shaun's
side. "Let's go." He said cheerfully.
Shaun had Eli's car again, not that Jesse had been expecting anything else. He
already had his guitar and his amp in the backseat and now that Jesse was
really paying attention, Shaun looked much more 'put together' than he usually
did. His entire outfit was clean, not to mention Shaun himself was in a pretty
immaculate condition.
Sometimes he smelled a little ripe. The combination of sweat, pot and alcohol
clung to him more often than not. Jesse had gotten used to it, but the unique
smell was conspicuously absent today.
Also, it looked like Shaun had attempted to tame his frizzy hair. The effort
hadn't paid off however, and Shaun's hair looked slightly wet.
Jesse leaned up on his toes, getting close enough to Shaun to smell his hair.
"Get off." Shaun warned testily, trying to push Jesse away.
"You put gel in your hair?" Jesse asked, stifling his immediate urge to laugh.
"Jeez, you're really nervous, aren't you?"
"I'm not nervous!" Shaun yelled, his eyes glinting. He then immediately backed
off and got into his car, fuming.
Giving in to the urge to chuckle, Jesse slowly made his way around to the
passenger seat.
"They're going to hate it." Shaun said the second Jesse sat down beside him. He
looked quite pathetic really, vulnerable and scared as he stared straight ahead
at Jesse's house, avoiding the redhead's gaze. "And Ben's going to hate me for
wasting his fucking time."
Well, this was the second time in as many days that Shaun had brought this
topic up, more or less. Before Jesse had tried to coddle him with mediocre
results, but Shaun was acting so…not himself, that Jesse kind of felt obligated
to snap Shaun out of it.
"Stop it." Jesse commanded, much more forcefully than he thought he'd be
capable of. "You're great, Shaun. Your music's fucking awesome, and you know
it."
Shaun glanced over at Jesse, a desperate will to believe the redhead's words in
his eyes. "But—"
"No." Jesse said. "Ben and I both believe in you. I won't lie to you about
something like this, baby. You're fucking good." Shaun's gaze was glued to
Jesse's.
They never stared at each other like this, except when they were having sex or
making out, that was. But this was different, and it wasn't just the addition
of several layers of clothes and the fact that they weren't touching that
changed things. There was a level of trust and a deep respect in Shaun's eyes
that Jesse hadn't yet experienced. It made the redhead's breath catch painfully
in his chest.
"Alright." Shaun said slowly and then he shook his head and looked away. "I'm
being fucking stupid."
"Yeah, you are." Jesse slid across the front seat until he was pressed up
against Shaun's side, he smiled happily when Shaun draped his arm around
Jesse's shoulders. "Let's go, ok?"
Shaun nodded and started up the car.
Jesse forgot all his worries as he sat, safe in Shaun's embrace. He forgot
about his problems at school, about Kyle's visit last night, and about his
mom's date. His guilt towards Brian and his frustration with Sam were but a
distant concern. None of it mattered now that he was going to spend the whole
weekend with Shaun.
 
***** Chapter 12 *****
Chapter Twelve
Shaun was unable to completely trample down his nervousness despite what Jesse
had told him. He was so used to being kicked around and put down that the
thought of exposing his heart and soul, his music, was frightening. Shaun
wasn't a fucking wimp, he knew how to fight and how to keep other people from
hurting him physically, but he had no idea how to guard himself against
personal attacks.
So, Shaun was going into this defenseless and vulnerable. Two things he had
promised himself never to be. And no matter what Jesse said, Shaun couldn't
shake the feeling that he was about to make a huge mistake.
The drive to Ben's house was slightly shorter than the drive to Will's place.
And Ben, the bastard, had the gall to actually have a nice house.
It was one of those tidy little houses in a huge development of equally
identical tidy little houses. They were all squished together, forcing an
annoying sense of community. Shaun didn't understand why all the houses had to
look the fucking same.
Shaun had been here a few times in the past to pick Ben up for practice, but
he'd never actually been inside Ben's perfect little house.
"Oh." Jesse jumped out of the car the second Shaun parked in the driveway.
"Nice place."
Shaun instantly felt inferior. Clearly, Jesse liked Ben's house better than his
and he speculated that by the end of the night, he'd probably like Ben better
than he liked Shaun as well.
"Who cares." Shaun grunted, already in a bad mood. He got out of the car and
retrieved his guitar, hugging it close to chest. He'd leave the amp for Jesse.
The redhead could handle it.
"Hey!" Ben opened the door before Shaun could even knock, gesturing
enthusiastically for them to come in. "What's up, Jesse." He greeted the
redhead cheerfully, gallantly taking Shaun's amp out of the younger boy's arms.
"Thanks." Jesse said gratefully, smiling at Ben.
If possible, Shaun felt his mood sink even lower. He didn't like how close Ben
and Jesse were, especially now when he was already feeling threatened. Jesse
came to stand beside him though, rubbing his back soothingly and Shaun forced
himself to take a deep breath before he followed Ben down the front hall and
through the door that led down to the basement. Shaun didn't look, but he could
feel that Jesse was right behind him, making him feel warm and safe…
I'm such an enormous fag…Shaun thought to himself, but truthfully, he wouldn't
have traded the safety Jesse's presence radiated for anything.
The basement was nice, a lot nicer than Will's garage had been anyway. The
whole room was carpeted and on one side of the room there was a big comfortable
looking couch, a small wet bar and a pool table near the far wall. The other
side of the room looked as if it had been cleared for the express purpose of
tonight's activities. There was a smaller couch, a matching set perhaps, set up
in front of Ben's bass, his amp and a drum set. There was a girl sitting on the
couch, watching as Ben, Jesse and Shaun walked in.
Shaun could immediately see that she was Angela's sister. He'd only seen Ben's
fiancé a few times, but he'd always had a good memory for faces.
This girl had Angela's heart shaped face and her almond colored eyes, but
that's where the similarities ended. The girl sitting on the couch looked more
goth than anything else. She had inky, dyed black hair, black fingernails,
black lipstick and dramatic black eye shadow smeared around her eyes. Her face
was covered in piercings, a nose piercing through her septum, at least four
piercings through her eyebrows, multiple rings through her ears, her lower lip
and even one in her cheek. She had tattoos too, but Shaun could only see a few
of them. On her upper arm, she had what appeared to be a devil chick with big
tits and below that she had some initials surrounded by a barbed wire heart.
The girl was wearing a black skirt with a stupid amount of chains hanging off
it, ripped fishnets and a tight black shirt which showed off her non-existent
tits. She was scowling.
"Is this the guy?" She asked irritably.
"Yes, this is Shaun." Ben said, going to set Shaun's amp down next to his own.
"And this is his…boyfriend, Jesse."
"Boyfriend?" The girl snorted.
Ben shrugged, either ignoring or just not noticing the fury in Shaun's eyes at
the girl's scathing tone. "Guys, this is my sister-in-law, Gretchen."
"I'm not your sister yet, buddy." Gretchen reminded Ben bossily. "You've gotta
put that ring on Angela's finger before you get to call me that."
Ben snorted. "Yeah, ok."
Jesse, of course, jumped right in. He left Shaun's side and went to sit next to
Gretchen on the couch and within seconds they were chatting.
"Your tattoo's really cool." Jesse was saying. "I always wanted to get inked."
"What were you thinking, kid? A tat of a big hairy dick?" She laughed and Jesse
hesitantly joined in. "Naw, I got the devil chick because guys love that shit.
I've got a matching angel on my back so that guys have something to look at
when they're fucking me."
"Oh, well I was probably going to get a Celtic knot or something." Jesse said.
"Yeah, you and every other hipster wannabe." Gretchen looked Jesse up and down.
"How old are you kid?"
"Um…17."
Gretchen smirked. "You're ok, I guess. Most 17-year olds are self-absorbed
assholes, but you've already made me laugh. Must be a record."
Jesse seemed hesitant, but he smiled back.
Shaun wasn't smiling thought. This Gretchen bitch was a fucking obnoxious pain
in the ass. The only reason Jesse had 'made her laugh' was because he allowed
her to make fun of him.
"So, you're like a drummer or something?" Shaun interrupted Jesse's and
Gretchen's conversation, coming up behind Jesse and putting a hand on his
shoulder possessively. Jesse leaned back on the couch so he could be closer,
tilting his head back slightly to smile at the sullen boy towering over him.
"Uh, yeah. That's why I'm here." Gretchen snorted. She flipped her inky black
hair out of her face as she assessed Shaun, a smirk crawling onto her annoying
face. "And you're what again?"
"Lead guitar." Shaun said through gritted teeth. "And the vocals." He added
forcefully. Before, he'd been afraid that his hard effort would be overlooked,
but this stupid bitch was such a fucking cunt that Shaun was sure, even if he
had been some master song writer or something, that Gretchen wouldn't recognize
his brilliance even if it ripped her disgusting nose ring out.
"Impressive." Gretchen leaned back on the couch, striking a casual pose. "But
let's see if you can live up to those titles before you start throwing them
around, hmm?"
Shaun's eyes bulged at the bitch's casual dismissal. He opened his mouth,
already preparing to spew forth a diatribe of epic proportions before he'd even
really decided what he was going to say, but Ben cut him off.
"Why don't we just get started?" He suggested, his voice somewhat panicked. "We
can all prove ourselves through the music."
Gretchen shrugged casually, though her eyes were flashing as she met Shaun's
angry gaze.
"C'mon, Shaun." Ben called, gesturing for the sullen boy to join him on the
other side of the couch where he was just finishing setting up a cheap looking
microphone. He looked wary, like he was expecting Shaun to explode. Shaun did
want to explode though. He wanted very much to tear into Gretchen. He didn't
have a high opinion of girls to begin with, but this one was particularly
bitchy. That just seemed to prove that Shaun was right, and that forming their
own band had been a terrible idea.
And of course, acknowledging that this was all a stupid idea made Shaun feel a
lot less concerned with fucking up. So what if Gretchen didn't like his music?
And what did it really matter if Ben ended up thinking tonight was a total
waste of time? Shaun already knew this was a huge waste of time and it didn't
really matter what anyone else thought anymore.
Shaun hauled his guitar over to the shoddy set up and he hooked his guitar up
to the amp. Ben backed out of Shaun's way immediately, seeming to sense the
intense energy that was rolling off him in waves. Shaun spared Jesse one quick
glance, soaking in the redhead's anxious look, and then he started playing.
It was weird as hell to have three other people watching him as he played. When
he'd auditioned for Will's band the only person he'd had to play for was Will
himself and the older man had told him exactly what to play, had demanded that
Shaun only play what he wanted him to actually. And stage fright had never
bothered Shaun, mostly because playing in bars in this middle-of-nowhere town
rarely drew a crowd worthy of stage fright. Plus, he'd never been the main
attraction even when there was a sizable crowd watching them. People watched
Will, the attractive lead singer, or they watched Ben, charismatic and a
terrible crowd pleaser. Rarely had Shaun been under such a spot light as he was
now.
But Shaun pushed his discomfort aside. Now that he'd started, there was no
fucking way he was just going to stop. He stepped up to the cheap microphone,
closed his eyes and started fucking screaming!
Shamed by the weak and cast down in disgust
A shell of a broken boy without trust
Preaching upon open ears of the deaf
Depraved words uttered beneath your cold breath
Killing what's left of the embers of you
Scraping and clawing for a whisper of truth
Sewing our mouths shut as nothing escapes…
He only got halfway through his newest song when he stopped abruptly, his
stomach filled with too many annoying butterflies to let him continue. His eyes
flew open as he surveyed his audience, looking among their faces to judge how
much they had hated his song. He was already considering kicking Gretchen's
drum kit over and storming out of the house. Jesse could come with him if he
wanted, or he could stay behind with his new fucking best friends.
Nobody looked like they'd hated anything though. Ben's mouth was hanging open
slightly, a dumbfounded look on his face. Jesse was grinning, stupidly pleased.
Gretchen looked neither amazed nor pleased, however. She was still leaning back
on the couch, her long legs crossed in what she probably thought was a sexy
pose. Shaun was just annoyed looking at her, though. She was smirking.
"That was pretty damn good." She said after a moment. Everyone turned to look
at her, seemingly stunned to have someone break the silence. "You need some
rhythm though." She got up and went to sit behind her drum kit. "Try that shit
again, and I'll back you up." She commanded.
Shaun was instantly upset that Gretchen thought he'd do anything she said. He
turned to tell her to fuck off, but Ben leapt up and came to stand on the other
side of Shaun, distracting him enough to drop the issue.
"I think you'll need some bass too, buddy." Ben said cheerfully, elbowing Shaun
playfully. He was grinning now, his smile matching Jesse's almost perfectly.
His eyes were sparkling with pure happiness. "I knew you'd be fucking good at
this, man." Ben said just loud enough for Shaun to hear, before he gestured for
Shaun to begin.
Shaun, thoroughly embarrassed now, glanced over at Jesse. He was happy to see
the redhead watching him with his pretty blue eyes.
Jesse had been right, or at least it seemed like he'd been right. Ben liked
what he'd come up with, and even Gretchen seemed not to hate it – not that he
gave a damn what Gretchen liked.
Jesse, beautiful, sweet, amazing Jesse, had been right.
Shaun felt himself start to blush as he and Jesse stared into each other's
eyes. The redhead didn't know it, but last night Shaun had been just as
desperate as he had been to have sex. He'd wanted to feel Jesse's mouth around
his cock, Jesse's hands touching his skin, wanted to hear Jesse's sweet moans
and had wanted to be the cause of them. But there had been no way he was going
to do any of that with Ruth nearby.
Of course, Ruth wasn't here. Shaun's skin thrummed as he thought about all the
things he wanted to do to the other boy…But that would have to wait.
Shaun had never tried to write an entire song from scratch before. He could
figure out the lyrics and the guitar tabs, but it was difficult having to try
to work with Gretchen's and Ben's ideas about where their parts should be and
how they should be played. And Gretchen and Ben had a lot of ideas
surprisingly.
They worked for several straight hours, just hammering out the details of a few
of the songs Shaun had brought along with him. After a while, Ben directed
Jesse upstairs to the kitchen and the redhead occasionally left the room to
bring everyone drinks. At one point, Gretchen complained that she was hungry
and Ben asked Jesse to go upstairs to order pizza. Everyone shelled out money
for the delivery boy and Jesse went to wait for the food.
Shaun felt kind of bad that Jesse had turned into an errand runner, but Jesse
had seemed relatively enthusiastic about it.
By the time Jesse returned with three boxes of pizza, everyone was ready for a
break. After Jesse had set the food down on a coffee table Ben had dragged
over, Shaun pulled him down onto the couch and wrapped and an arm around him
possessively.
"Fuck." Ben said as he sat in the only seat left available next to Shaun. He
grabbed a piece of pizza but he didn't eat it. He just sat there staring at
Shaun, the awe written all over his face more than apparent. "I told you, man.
You're so fucking talented. You're going to be so fucking famous."
Shaun shrugged his shoulders, but he could not help the smirk marring his
uncaring expression. "Maybe."
"Fuck that! You came up with half a set list in a few days!" Ben exclaimed,
waving his pizza around. "And it's fucking good shit too!" A pepperoni fell off
Ben's pizza and into his lap. The older man snagged it up between his index and
middle fingers and popped it into his mouth.
Gretchen forced her way into the conversation, much to Shaun's annoyance. She
hadn't yet bothered with the food and she was still sitting at her drum kit,
working on a beer.
"We need to find some more sound. Maybe a rhythm guitarist."
Shaun frowned at the girl, but he couldn't disagree. He reluctantly had to
admit that she had good ideas and that a lot of them mirrored ideas of his own.
It was pretty ironic that the person he shared the most similar musical theory
with would piss him off so royally.
"Yeah, but we can afford to go without for now." Ben interjected, finally
taking a bite of his food. He chewed for moment in silence before he started
talking again, his mouth hanging open. "If we start playing at a few of the
bars around here, I think we'll draw a few candidates."
"Bars?" Gretchen snorted. "You guys should move out by me. They've got a few
pretty good clubs and venues where I live. They've even got a local battle of
the bands coming up in October. Winner gets a pretty decent chunk of cash and a
recording deal."
"Oh yeah?" Shaun sneered. He didn't want to compete with some poser metal heads
and their shitty garage bands, but winning money did sound nice.
"Yeah." Gretchen confirmed. "I know some people…when we work out an entire set
list I'll talk to my contacts and get us a few gigs. They'll be shitty pay, but
its good exposure. We won't get anything good out of playing the rinky-dink
bars out here."
Shaun, once again, agreed. He didn't say as much, but he'd had a bad feel about
Ben's suggestion to start playing bars again. Will's band had pretty much
driven themselves into a rut playing exclusively at shitty bars. Actually,
having a decent venue to play at had been a rarity.
But this band, the band Shaun had been convinced to lead, wasn't going to get
trapped in that same rut. He hadn't been very serious about starting this band
before, but now with Ben's and Gretchen's favorable reactions he was starting
to believe that maybe something would come of it.
Beside him, Jesse leaned closer, kissing his cheek affectionately before he
whispered in his ear.
"See, told you they'd like it." Jesse said, his tongue flicking out playfully
to touch his earlobe. The unexpected touch made Shaun shiver slightly. He
wanted to turn and kiss Jesse's pretty mouth. Wanted to push him back onto the
couch and climb on top of him. He wanted to rub his cock against Jesse's smooth
belly, wanted to come on him, inside him, wanted to fuck him while Jesse stared
up at him with his vibrant blue eyes.
They didn't fuck though. The four of them ate the three pizzas and then Ben ran
upstairs to get his pot. Shaun kind of wanted to keep practicing, but pot did
sound nice, and he was extremely comfortable on the couch with Jesse snuggled
into his side. The little redhead was being his normal chatty self, talking
about some bullshit with Gretchen who had finally pulled herself away from the
drum kit and was lying back on a beanbag chair she'd retrieved from the corner.
Shaun didn't mind that Jesse was talking to Gretchen as much as he had before.
He felt pretty calm. In fact, this was probably the calmest he'd ever felt
without a shitload of drugs and alcohol clouding his brain.
Ben returned with the pot and his bong and they all took a few hits. Jesse and
Gretchen were still talking animatedly and Ben took advantage of Shaun's
relaxed mood to continue throwing song ideas at him. It seemed he'd really
taken to the idea of competing in the battle of the bands Gretchen had
mentioned and he was already trying to come up with band names.
"How about Livid Thorn, or…Terror Devil." Ben scratched his head as he thought,
but it made next to no difference. Ben was pretty high by this point, pausing
to giggle after every suggestion. "Oh! I know! Hell Plague!"
Shaun snorted. "I'm not leading a band called Hell Plague."
Ben shrugged. "I think it's bad ass."
"Nope, it's just bad."
The older man laughed heartily and Shaun was glad that he'd been kicked out of
Will's band and he was glad that he'd apparently befriended Ben and that they
were going to start a new band together. Gretchen was definitely a bitch, but
she was a surprisingly good drummer and she knew what she was talking about.
Eventually the party was cut short when Ben's fiancé came home. Angela came
downstairs; her nose wrinkled slightly, as she asked how practice had gone.
"Great!" Ben yelled enthusiastically. He jumped over the couch to wrap his
fiancé up in his arms, kissing her passionately. Shaun cringed at the
disgusting display. "Shaun's a fucking genius!"
"That's nice." Angela said, clearly humoring her drunken lover. "But we have a
brunch meeting with your parent's tomorrow morning. Remember?"
"Oh yeah. I wasn't supposed to get wasted, was I?" Ben asked needily.
Angela shook her head and Ben, instantly sheepish, turned back to the room at
large.
"Ah, sorry guys, but party's over."
"What?!" Gretchen scowled at her sister. "It's only 9 o'clock!" Ben looked back
and forth between his girlfriend and his girlfriend's sister, looking at a
loss. Gretchen wasn't confused though. "We're celebrating our first successful
band meeting, Angie, you can't just burst in here and ruin that."
"Gretchen…" Angela's tone was threatening, but Gretchen simply held up a hand,
cutting her older sister off impatiently.
"You told me to warn you when you started turning into mom." Angela frowned but
Gretchen didn't let that stop here. "You're doing a pretty good job of
channeling Mom's 'controlling bitch' persona, Angie."
"Fine." Angela, her frown deepening, turned and went back upstairs, leaving Ben
quite bereft. "Don't stay up too late, Ben." She called over her shoulder.
Ben watched his fiancé leave with an almost desperate look on his face.
"Don't worry, lover-boy. Angela's a tough girl, she'll get over it."
"Yeah." Shaun interjected, mainly because he didn't want to see Ben moon over
his girlfriend. "But maybe we should like go somewhere else for a while."
"Fuck yeah. I'm driving." Gretchen announced to the room at large. "Now,
where's the nearest bar?" She asked, looking around as if one would present
itself. None did, of course.
"I saw one when we were driving over." Jesse finally piped up, always eager to
please.
"Alright. You can sit up front with me." Gretchen wrapped an arm around Jesse's
shoulders and yanked him towards the stairs.
"Do you think I should go?" Ben asked nervously as he watched Gretchen and
Jesse retreat upstairs.
"You're a grown man. You can do what you want." Shaun answered awkwardly. "If
Jesse didn't want me to do something, I'd probably do it anyway."
Ben sighed. "We are kind of celebrating, aren't we? I mean, it's not like a
band as awesome as ours gets started every day."
Shaun snorted, amused with his friend's comment and with the fact that he was
successfully giving relationship advice. "Sure." He said simply.
Ben still said goodbye to his fiancé before they all left, though it looked
more like groveling to Shaun. Angela gave Ben a cold look, but she didn't say a
single word.
"What's up her ass?" Shaun asked as Ben and Shaun left the house to join the
other two members of their party who were waiting out in the car. Those few
times that Shaun had met Angela, he'd been almost amazed by how un-bitchy she
was. He'd naturally – thanks to his mother and his grandmother –been programed
to hate women. Almost all of them were bitches in his opinion. But Angela had
been bearable, a unique quality in the women in Shaun's life. Now though, it
was a different story.
"I don't know. She's stressed from the wedding plans and stuff."
Shaun gave the older man a skeptical look, but Ben only shrugged.
"C'mon you guys!"  Jesse yelled from the car, sticking his head out the window
to do so. He was grinning from ear to ear, looking like a right fool. Shaun
flicked him playfully on the nose when he walked by before he slid into the
backseat.
Ben got in beside him, still looking conflicted. He shut the door behind him
with determination however, his face hardening as he made his decision. Shaun
was fucking proud of him.
"Let's get wasted!" Gretchen yelled from the front and Jesse answered her with
an enthusiastic whoop of his own.
"Your drunk enough already." Shaun said, leaning over Jesse's seat and wrapping
an arm around his chest. "You were drinking the whole time we were practicing."
"I can hold my alcohol better than you." Jesse replied snottily.
"The fuck you can."
Jesse ignored him though, turning back to Gretchen who was still fucking
talking.
Shaun slouched back in his seat petulantly, unhappy with Jesse's disregard.
Ben was able to distract him however, but even with Ben talking his ear off
about Angela and the upcoming wedding, Shaun was able to listen to Jesse's
conversation. Suspiciously, Shaun analyzed everything the redhead was saying,
watching the way he leaned slightly closer to Gretchen to speak and the way the
foul girl's eyes sparkled when something Jesse said made her laugh.
Jesse hadn't told Shaun a lot about his previous relationships with girls, and
before, Shaun had been glad for it. But now he wanted to know, because he
couldn't tell if Jesse was hitting on Gretchen or not and he didn't have the
wherewithal to tell if Gretchen was picking up on Jesse in turn.
They arrived at the bar in short order and the four of them got in without a
fuss. Ben mentioned that the bartender usually checked IDs so Gretchen and Ben
were regaled with the task of buying the alcohol, though after the first round
everyone started pitching in money to help pay.
Shaun withdrew the more talkative Jesse became. The redhead had taken to
ignoring Shaun completely choosing to converse with Gretchen almost
exclusively. The two of them were sitting so fucking close together that Shaun
was sure Gretchen was going to fall into Jesse's lap at any moment.
Ben tried to talk to Shaun but it soon became apparent that he wasn't in the
mood. He slumped in his seat with his beer, looking more and more guilty as the
time went by.
Eventually, Gretchen stood up, her chair scraping against the floor. She
declared:
"This place sucks. Let's go somewhere else."
And they did, despite Ben's weak protests and Shaun's scowling. Jesse seemed
eager for a change of scenery as well, and he followed Gretchen out the door
like a puppy trailing its master.
The new place Gretchen drove them to was almost exactly the same as the first
bar, though this one had different music playing, horrible classic rock, and a
pool table in the back. Several tough looking truckers were gathered around the
pool table, being loud and rowdy. Gretchen bought another round of drinks
straight off. She took a drink off her beer and then set it down.
"Those guys look interesting." She said, eyeing the truckers in the back. "I'm
gonna go say hi. I'll be right back." Gretchen abandoned her drink, venturing
back to the pool table and the truckers.
Shaun didn't touch his drink, he hadn't asked for it, and besides dumping it
over Gretchen's head or throwing it across the room, the best thing he could
think to do with it was to just let it sit there in front of him. Beside him,
Ben was sipping his drink slowly, looking quite discontent. In complete
contrast to the other occupants at the table, Jesse was going to town, all but
chugging his beer. He was finally silent after a whole night of running his
mouth with Gretchen. He watched the drummer introduce herself to the truckers,
who seemed bemused at the sight of the goth chick. Jesse snorted when the
biggest trucker of the three put his arm around Gretchen and asked her if she
knew how to play pool.
"Think I should go and see if she's ok?" Jesse asked, his words slightly
slurred.
"Sure, if you want to get gangbanged by some ugly truckers." Shaun snapped. He
was more than frustrated with Jesse's drinking and his obsession with the goth
chick, he was on his way to getting seriously angry, actually.
"Well, what about Gretchen? Do you think they look dangerous?" Jesse had looked
amused at first, but now a look of fear flashed across his face. Shaun gritted
his teeth. Why the fuck would Jesse be afraid for a girl he'd only known for
half a day!?
"Who gives a fuck? She's the one who ran over there. Nobody forced her."
Jesse chewed on his lip. "But that doesn't mean that we should let her get
hurt."
"Shut up!" Shaun growled, slamming his fist on the table. His beer was almost
knocked over but by some miracle it righted itself in time. Ben jumped,
apparently not having been listening to Shaun's and Jesse's argument. He looked
over at them warily.
"Shaun?" Jesse asked cautiously, clearly afraid to anger Shaun further. That of
course made Shaun angrier. "What's wrong?"
"If you want to fuck that slut than go ahead!" Shaun hissed, pointing across
the room at Gretchen and her new disgusting friends. "I'm not hanging around to
watch."
Shaun got up, pushing past Jesse to get towards the door. Making a quick guess,
Shaun figured that Ben's house was about a 20-minute walk away. He'd get his
fucking car and hopefully he wouldn't have to see either Jesse nor Ben, and
especially not Gretchen for the rest of the night.
Once Shaun was outside, he immediately felt stupid. He shouldn't have yelled
like that. He shouldn't have barged outside right in the middle of an
argument…had they even been arguing? Shaun had been getting more and more angry
the longer Jesse had ignored him, but Jesse hadn't known that.
For probably the first time ever, Shaun realized that he'd overreacted.
But that didn't mean he was going to apologize. He wasn't even going to go back
in. He was still pissed that Jesse wasn't paying attention to him and that the
redhead was so enamored with the new drummer.
Logically, he remembered all the times Jesse had said those three magic words,
I love you, but like a child, Shaun was having a hard time focusing on the good
things when he was so upset.
Shaun finally decided to walk back to Ben's place. Maybe he'd wait around and
see if Jesse showed up. Maybe by then Shaun would be calm enough to talk
rationally and hopefully Jesse wouldn't be too wasted.
Just as Shaun started to head out of the parking lot and towards the main road,
he heard his name being called.
"Shaun!" In the dim light coming off the neon bar sign above the establishment,
Shaun could see that it was Jesse running towards him. "Shaun wait!"
Shaun hadn't been going very fast to begin with so he didn't bother to slow
down. At the rate Jesse was going, he'd reach him fast enough anyway.
Sure enough, Jesse's hand latched onto Shaun's arm, physically pulling him to a
halt. "Where are you going?"
"Where do you think?" Shaun tried to put some of the anger he been feeling
these past few hours into his words, but Jesse's hand on his arm was draining
the fight out of him. "Back to Ben's house."
"You were going to just leave me here?" Jesse pulled on Shaun's arm until the
bigger boy had no choice but to turn and face him. Shaun stubbornly refused to
meet the redhead's eyes.
"You were doing alright with Gretchen. I'm sure you could get a ride home with
her."
There was an awkward pause where Jesse's hand tightened on Shaun's arm and
Shaun continued to avoid Jesse's persistent gaze. "I know you're not this
fucking stupid, Shaun."
"Fuck you."
"No!" Jesse's hand clenched around Shaun's forearm again and finally having
enough of being manhandled, Shaun ripped his arm away.
"Stop touching me!"
"I won't!" Jesse immediately latched onto Shaun again, grabbing his arm with
both hands this time. Shaun fought to rid himself of the little redhead, but
Jesse held tight. "Why are you so mad at me? Am I not allowed to have friends?"
"You told me yourself that you still like girls! You like Gretchen don't you!
The two of you were about to fucking make out in there!"
"She's inside picking up some random guy right now!" Jesse yelled, shaking
Shaun's arm to get his point across. "And I'm out here, fighting with you!"
"Well, go and get her." Shaun gestured enthusiastically back towards the bar.
"Go back in there and tell her you want to fuck her. I can tell you do, you
fucking liar."
"I don't want her!" Jesse squeaked. "And I'm not a liar!"
"I thought you said you loved me. I thought you said that you wanted to stay
with me no matter what—"
"I do!"
"Then why are you ignoring me and flirting with that stupid slut?!"
Suddenly, Jesse laughed. He released Shaun's arm and covered his face with his
hands. Shaun noticed that they were shaking.
"I wasn't flirting with her. You idiot.  I want to be a part of your life,
Shaun. And I think that we both know that this band is going to be a part of it
for at least a little while."
"You were flirting with her." Shaun continued to accuse. "You couldn't stop
looking at her."
"Alright." Jesse sighed. "Maybe your right. I was ignoring you a little." Shaun
huffed, not at all pleased to be found right. "I guess I wanted to make you
jealous."
Shaun finally brought himself to meet Jesse's pleading blue eyes. He couldn't
see their pretty color in the dark, but they were still beautiful and just
looking into them made Shaun feel less raw about everything. "Why would you
want to make me jealous?" He asked.
"Because if you were jealous, I thought that you'd want to get me alone." Jesse
lowered his eyes, looking slightly embarrassed as his secret plan was revealed.
"And I kept drinking because I figured then you'd have to…I don't know…I
thought you'd have to take me somewhere and then I was going to…" Jesse trailed
off, blushing.
"What?" Shaun prompted, curious with Jesse's hesitance.
"I'd ah…let you do whatever you wanted."
Shaun's cock perked up with interest at that announcement. "Really?"
Jesse shrugged. "If you're not too pissed at me, I guess."
Shaun stared down at his boyfriend, the only person he'd ever loved. He was
having a hard time imagining that he really meant he'd let Shaun do anything.
Most of the things running though his mind were sick and twisted on every
level, but there was one thing that Shaun wanted to do that wasn't nearly as
objectionable as the rest. However, Jesse had mentioned he didn't want to do
that.
"You'd let me fuck you?"
Jesse visibly tensed, but he nodded. "Yes."
"Oh, shit." Anger and frustration all but forgotten, Shaun tried to think where
they could go for some privacy. The backseat of his car wasn't going to cut it
this time. At least, he didn't want their first time to be in the back of his
grandpa's cramped Ford. And there was no way they could go back to his house.
"Can we go to your house?" Shaun asked desperately.
"I don't think so." Jesse admitted slowly. "My mom was supposed to go on a date
tonight. I think she cleared all us kids out so she could bring her date back
home with her."
Shaun growled. What was the point of Jesse offering to do anything Shaun wanted
when he had no plan of how to go about it?
Jesse stretched out his hand and touched Shaun's mouth gently. "Don't worry,
baby. I have a plan."
Shaun felt his lips curling up under Jesse's gentle touch. "What?"
"Go inside and get Ben."
The sullen boy, suddenly feeling a lot less gloomy, nodded placidly. "And then
what?"
"Play the overly concerned boyfriend, of course." Jesse smiled. His hand
dropped from Shaun's face and he somehow, gracefully, managed to sit down on
the greasy concrete parking lot. "I'll wait here for you."
Shaun quirked an eyebrow at Jesse's strange move, but as he had no plans he
agreed readily enough. "Fine."
Back inside the bar, Gretchen was indeed getting along with the truckers. Shaun
could see her in the back, leaning over the pool table and taking careful aim
at the cue ball. One of the grungy truckers had his hands on her hips, holding
her steady as he laughed with his friends. His crotch was firmly pressed to
Gretchen's ass.
 Well, if that's what Gretchen's flirting looked like, Shaun felt pretty stupid
for accusing Jesse of trying to get into the girl's pants. The goth chick had
done nothing even remotely similar with Jesse, in fact Shaun hadn't seen them
touch once all night.
Ben was watching Gretchen's performance with a glum expression. He was still
nursing his first beer, and though he didn't seem wasted, he was probably well
on his way to getting there.
"Ben?"
The older bassist turned around, and sighed when he saw it was Shaun talking to
him. "Are you two done arguing? You and Jesse are a real trip, you know that?"
"Yeah." Shaun shrugged. "He's out in the parking lot."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. He's really fucking drunk."
Ben nodded and took another sip of his beer. Shaun thought he was going to have
to spell out exactly what he wanted Ben to do, but before he could open his
mouth again, Ben was standing up. "I'll talk to him."
"Thanks." Shaun replied blandly. He still wasn't really sure what the point of
this was. Maybe Jesse thought that if he convinced Ben he needed to help him,
then Ben would somehow convince Gretchen to leave her greasy truckers and take
them back to Ben's house and Eli's car. But then what? Shaun was disturbed by
his eagerness to get into Jesse's ass, fucking a guy up the ass was probably
one of the gayest acts you could ever commit, besides actually sucking another
dick and swallowing the semen. But Shaun wanted it all the same, heedless of
what that made him.
Ben left his drink behind and led the way out to the parking lot, his shoulders
hunched with resignation. Shaun regretted advising Ben to come out with them,
and wished he could start the night over. 
Outside, Jesse was sprawled back on the concrete and groaning.
"What the fuck?" Ben hurried over to the redhead and Shaun, forgetting that
Jesse wanted him to pretend to be concerned, was actually quite worried by his
boyfriend's exaggerated pose.
"Jesse?" He asked, kneeling beside the redhead and pushing his silky hair out
of his eyes.
"Whoa. He's really messed up." Ben commented, coming to crouch down beside
Shaun and Jesse. He touched Jesse's hand lightly, patting it in reassurance.
"How much did you drink, kid?"
"I don't…don't know…" Jesse slurred and then resumed his moaning.
"You didn't hit him, did you? He just wanted to stop you before you ran off all
pissed." Ben queried, shooting Shaun an intense look.
"No!" Shaun resented the implication that he would hit the only boy he'd ever
loved so carelessly.
It was true that he dreamed of hurting Jesse, that he dreamed of pinning the
redhead to the bed, maybe handcuffing him, and forcing his legs up over his
shoulders as he fucked him hard. Shaun imagined that when his dick was inside
Jesse, stretching him, rubbing against his sensitive prostate, that he would
take out his dad's bowie knife and press it into Jesse's smooth flawless skin.
He wouldn't cut Jesse deep, just enough to see the gorgeous red of his blood
and hear the pretty redhead cry out with helpless pain.
But Shaun would never do something as stupid as to hit Jesse in a fit of rage.
"Well, he's really messed up." Ben said with determination. He stood and pulled
out his cell phone. "I'm calling Angela."
"What's she going to do?" Shaun snapped.
"Hopefully she'll come and get us."
"Oh." That was probably better than trying to get Gretchen to stop being a
slut. Shaun listened to Ben's conversation with half his attention, feeling
even more guilty when it sounded like Ben's fiancé was really reaming him out.
"We're at Nelson's," Ben said into the phone. He was holding it loosely, tilted
away from his ear. "Gretchen's picking up some guys and Shaun's friend is
really drunk and we just want to come back…Ok, I'm sorry." Ben cried and Shaun
actually cringed at the high-pitched sound of his voice. Holy shit, Ben was
totally pussy whipped! "I know…You told me so, yes…I should have
listened…You're right…Ok… I'm sorry!"
There was a long pause and then Ben sighed heavily, almost collapsing with
relief. "Alright. We'll wait outside for you."
He snapped his cell phone closed. He slid it back into his pocket.
"Um…is she really pissed off?"
"Yeah." Ben said. "It's my fault though. She's normally not this…"
"Controlling?" Shaun suggested. "Bitchy?"
"No." Ben snorted. "She's not normally wound this tight, but we're getting
married in August!"
"Plus, you have that brunch tomorrow." Shaun pointed out snidely.
"Yeah. She's always freaking out about shit like that, but she's the one who
arranged it."
"She likes your parents?"
"I guess." Ben shrugged awkwardly. Seeming intent to take his mind off his
wife-to-be, he turned back to the drunk redhead. "She's going to be here in a
couple minutes…can you stand up, Jess?"
Jesse had been sitting back silently for the past few moments, but he jerked
into action at Ben's insistence, flailing his limbs uselessly as he tried to
get up. "Ohhhh…everything's…spinning…"
"Shit." Ben's brow wrinkled with concern. "Poor kid."
"Yeah, poor fucking kid." Shaun rolled his eyes. He'd finally figured that this
whole act was all some stupid ploy to get them out of here faster, but he
didn't know why Jesse couldn't have just asked Ben flat out instead of
pretending to be a drunken idiot.
"Do you think you can pick him up?"
Shaun frowned. "Jesse. Stand up." He commanded. Shaun wasn't going to be seen
carrying another boy around. That was really fucking gay!
"Shaun…" Jesse slurred, reaching up for him blindly. "…ugh…"
Ben snorted. "Seriously. Are you going to just let him sit there all night?"
"He's drunk, not a fucking cripple. He can stand." Shaun spat.
Ben rolled his eyes and stepped closer, bending down as if he were planning to
heave Jesse into his arms. Of course, that snapped Shaun's jealously into
action and he pushed Ben out of the way. "I can do it."
The bassist chuckled, but Shaun resolutely ignored it. He scooped Jesse off the
ground without much hassle. The redhead was slightly heavier than he looked,
but it was nothing Shaun couldn't handle. He knew he probably looked like an
enormous fag, clutching Jesse to his chest in a classic bridal style hold. But
Jesse nuzzled his face into the crook of Shaun's throat and kissed him there
firmly, his warm arms coming up and around Shaun's neck, holding onto him
affectionately.
"Love you." Jesse slurred, just loud enough for both Shaun and Ben to hear.
Shaun blushed immediately, though he couldn't help but be delighted to hear the
familiar words after an uncertain evening. Ben was watching them with a warm
smile on his face.
"Young love." He said. "Enjoy it while you can."
"What? Before it gets old like yours and Angela's?" Shaun rolled his eyes.
'Young love' had to be the stupidest phrase he'd ever fucking heard.
"If the two of you are still together by the time you're my age then you'll
understand."
Shaun hated comments like that. You'll get it when you're older…. He wondered
if it'd hurt when a brain full of all this obscure knowledge suddenly popped
into his head the day he turned 'older'.
Ben and Shaun stood waiting for a few silent minutes. Jesse was starting to get
heavy in his arms and Shaun was starting to think about dropping him. It had
been cute at first, sort of, but now Shaun felt like his arms were going to
fall off. 
Before they gave out completely however, Ben's car pulled off the road and into
the parking lot. Angela was behind the wheel, looking stern. She pulled up
beside them and threw the car into park.
"Great." Shaun had to shift Jesse slightly in his arms to get the back-door
open, but it wasn't too difficult. He roughly maneuvered the boy into the
backseat, who flopped around uselessly, still playing the part of the drunk.
Once the redhead was situated, Shaun straightened up.
"She's still in there?" Angela had gotten out of the car and was standing
before Ben, peering suspiciously into his face. She wasn't wearing her usual
fashionable clothes and her fancy stiletto heels, she was in sweatpants and a
bathrobe and her normally neatly done hair was up in a sloppy bun. Ben had
clearly woken her up, or at least disturbed her usual nightly rituals and Ben,
wearing a look of utter contrition, looked like he realized that. "Hello?"
Angela cupped Ben's face and roughly jerked his chin upwards so that Ben had to
look into her eyes. "Is my sister inside?" Ben nodded promptly, sheepishly.
"Wait in the car." Angela ordered and then she stomped away, towards the bar.
Shaun didn't really care one way or another about Angela, though he did feel a
little nervous for his friend's fiancé. It wasn't every day a woman walked into
a bar in her pajamas and he wondered if Angela could handle herself as well as
she seemed to think she could.
"Get in. She'll be right out." Ben said when he saw Shaun's hesitance, clearly
not bothered about Angela charging into a bar, barely dressed.
Shaun shrugged. If Ben didn't care, then Shaun wasn't going to waste his time
caring either. He scooted into the back seat with Jesse, pulling him to rest
against his side instead of the opposite window. Jesse curled into Shaun's side
with a groan that reminded Shaun that he was supposed to be getting laid.
Angela returned momentarily and got back into the car. She was a fast driver
and within seconds they were on the road, going nearly 60 as they headed back
to Ben's place.
"I'm sorry, alright?" Ben said into the oppressive silence. It was dark in the
car, but Shaun could see both Ben's and Angela's expressions lit up by the
lights on dashboard.
"I heard you." Angela said.
"Yeah, well, it's true."
The silence resumed for a brief moment. Beside Shaun, Jesse was letting his
hands wander, using the dark as a cover for his very un-drunk-like
coordination. The little redhead started to slowly rub the inside of Shaun's
thigh, and then his hand just as slowly slid inside the waistband of Shaun's
jeans, kneading his lower stomach and inching towards Shaun's half hard dick.
Angela suddenly sighed, and what Shaun could see of her face revealed her to be
looking somewhat put out. "I didn't want you going out with Gretchen, because I
know what she's like. When she's drunk, she gets kind of crazy. I knew you'd be
out all night."
"Wait, what do you mean crazy?" Ben asked. "You never said anything about it to
me."
"I don't know. She just does weird shit. Sometimes she'll start talking crazy,
or she'll get into these random fights. She likes to pick up weird men too,
like she was doing tonight. I mean, I love her to death. She's my little
sister, but there's no stopping her when she's like that."
"Will she be alright?" Ben suddenly seemed worried for the sister-in-law whom
he'd so carelessly left behind.
"Yeah. She can take care of herself." Angela said decisively. "And I know you
want her for your little band and all, and that's fine. I'm just telling you
that if you go drinking with her, expect to be out all night."
Ben nodded, about the only thing he could do in such a situation.
The couple in the front fell silent while the couple in the back continued to
get more turned on. Jesse's hand was gently stroking Shaun's hardness, touching
the shaft exclusively, and rubbing it with only his thumb and forefinger. It
was fucking horrible and it wasn't nearly enough pressure to do anything but
make Shaun more aroused. Not that he wanted to come in Ben's backseat that was.
They got back to Ben's house in short order and Jesse was forced to carefully
remove his hand from Shaun's erection. With the grace of a natural fag, he went
right back to slumping lifelessly against Shaun's side, as if the impromptu
hand job hadn't ever happened. Of course, Shaun couldn't as easily remove
himself of his half of the evidence and his cock poked uncomfortably against
the fly of his jeans.
"How's Jesse?" Ben asked, turning around in his seat. Angela turned around too,
glancing at Jesse for the first time. Her face was blank of emotion.
"Uh…passed out." Shaun said, not prepared to have two sets of eyes on him at
that moment. He hoped they couldn't see the tent in his jeans.
"I think you guys should probably stay the night. I mean, you were drinking
most of the night too. It wouldn't do for me to go and lose my lead singer and
guitarist right after our first practice."
"What?" Angela hissed, turning towards Ben. Her face was suddenly full of
emotion, mostly anger, but also with a tinge of frustration.
"They can crash in the basement; the big couch down there has that pull-out
bed. We bought it for this very reason, but we've never used it." Ben hissed
back.
Shaun didn't really get the point of the hissing. Both Ben and Angela hissed at
each other, back and forth, as they argued. Shaun guessed that maybe they
didn't realize they were all sitting in a car together and that it was possible
to hear every single word they were saying, despite the hissing.
"I don't want strangers sleeping in my basement!"
"They're not strangers, they're my friends!"
"They look pretty strange to me."
"Angela, do you really want to be responsible for them crashing their car and
dying, because you couldn't stand to have them sleep in the basement for a few
hours?"
"We'll take them home then!"
"They live almost an hour away!"
"Fine." Angela snapped, giving up all pretenses as she raised her voice to
match the vehemence of her words. "I don't give a shit anymore. It's almost one
in the morning and we're supposed to be up early tomorrow!" Angela got out of
the car, slamming the car door behind her. Her voice was still audible as she
said: "Do whatever the fuck you want, Ben. You always do."
Shaun watched Ben watch his fiancé storm back into the house. She slammed the
front door behind her and Shaun wouldn't have been surprised to find out she'd
locked it behind her as well.
"Is she on her period?" That was the only explanation for such bitchiness and
her rapid mood swings.
Ben snorted. "No." Shaun started to ask if he was sure, but he didn't really
want to get into a discussion on how exactly Ben knew that.
"Do you want us to leave?" Shaun asked after a moment. For some reason, they
were all still just sitting in the car, staring at the house. Shaun and Jesse
were the reason Ben had just had such a bitchy fight with his girlfriend, and
Shaun was feeling even guiltier than he had before. He wanted to get laid, yes,
and it'd be awesome if they could use Ben's basement to do it, but Shaun had
just enough integrity to realize that his getting laid probably wasn't as
important as Ben's relationship, even if Shaun was starting to hate the girl he
was with. 
"No." Ben sighed. "You really shouldn't drive."
Shaun didn't feel all that drunk, yeah, he'd been drinking heavy earlier during
practice and directly afterwards, but he'd slowed down some at the bar. He felt
buzzed but basically pretty good.
But the privacy of the basement and the pull-out bed was calling.
"Thanks."
"Don't mention it." Ben smiled wearily and then he finally got out of the car,
slowly heading towards the house.
"Get up, you idiot. We've got a room to ourselves tonight."
"See. Told you I had a plan." Jesse said, his voice muffled as he talked with
his face pressed directly into Shaun's shirt. "You've gotta carry me,
remember."
"Your plan's fucked up. Ben's going to get a divorce just so we can…" Shaun
blushed and he forgot all about Ben as he skimmed his hand down Jesse's back
towards his annoyingly cute ass.
"Can't get a divorce before your married." Jesse said smartly, squirming back
slightly so that Shaun had more access to his ass. "C'mon. Carry me inside and
then you can do whatever you want with me."
Shaun snorted, pushing aside the rehash of his persistent blood play fantasy at
Jesse's tempting offer. Shaun was going to fuck him after all, which had been
number one on his list for a while, despite his fear of the act making him even
gayer than he already apparently was.
"Fine." Shaun finally relented, relinquishing his hold on the other boy and
getting up out of the car. He reached across the seat and grabbed Jesse's
wrists, pulling him roughly halfway out of the car.
"Ow!" Jesse cried, trying to pull away from Shaun's hands, but Shaun wasn't
having that.
"Play dead." He ordered, all but throwing Jesse over his shoulder. Fireman
style this time.
Ben's front door was hanging open, but the entrance hallway was empty and dark.
The door leading to the basement at the end of the hallway was open as well and
the dim light from downstairs bleached a patch of light onto the hallway
runner.
Shaun kicked the front door shut as he came in, pausing to fiddle with the
lock.
"Hurry up. This is so uncomfortable." Jesse moaned under his breath.
"Shut up. You're passed out drunk, remember?" Shaun slapped Jesse's very
available ass but obeyed the redhead's command, leaving the front door half
unlocked and venturing down to the basement.
Downstairs, Ben was making up the pull-out bed. It was on the other side of the
room from their instruments, the part of the room that they all hadn't managed
to trash during their earlier partying.
"Is he alright?" Ben asked absently, fixing the makeshift bed's sheets. Shaun
couldn't believe how lucky they were to actually end up in a bed tonight, based
on the places they'd slept on the previous weekends such as the back of Eli's
car and on Will's narrow ass couch.
"Yeah. He'll be fine."
Ben fussed with the pull-out for a few more moments before he sighed and
gestured for Shaun to drop Jesse on the bed. Shaun did so, trying his best to
be gentle. Jesse sprawled out, looking less drunk and more angelic than
anything else. Especially with that scrumptious mouth of his parted
tantalizingly. As Shaun watched the pretty redhead, his tongue darted out and
wet his protruding bottom lip. Shaun shivered.  He couldn't wait to taste that
mouth.
"I'll get you another blanket for on top and a few pillows." Ben said, clearly
having missed Jesse's flirty little move. "I'll be right back." Shaun took his
word for it, not bothering to turn around as the older man ran back upstairs.
"Do you want to help me get naked, Shaun?" Jesse asked suddenly, his eyes half
lidded again. Fuck, he looked so incredibly sexy and he spread his slim legs
and reached his pale hand down to unfasten the closings on his jeans.
The sound of Ben's footsteps on the steps startled Shaun half to death. Shaun
jerked away from the foot of the bed and Jesse's slow strip tease and hurried
to the stairs.
"Here's some more bedding." Ben said, shoving a comforter and several pillows
into Shaun's arms. Shaun took them sheepishly. "I think that's it. Try to get
some sleep, I guess."
"Um…wait."
Ben was halfway up the stairs, clearly determined to get back to his fiancé, or
at least to his own bed, but he stopped at Shaun's insistence.
"Hmm?"
Shaun knew exactly how he was going to sound to the other boy, obvious, horny,
desperate and a little pathetic, but Shaun asked his next question anyway, his
face burning with embarrassment.
"Do you have any lube?"
Ben, bless him, refrained from asking any awkward questions. Though his face
did screw up as he processed Shaun's request. "Jesse's unconscious." He pointed
out.
Shaun shrugged. "He'll wake up eventually."
"Jesus…can't you guys just…" Ben trailed off, shaking his head. "Never mind.
Hold on a minute."
Shaun was too embarrassed to do anything else and he stood rooted to the spot,
waiting for Ben to return. Luckily, Ben was even faster with this particular
chore and he appeared at the top of the stairs, holding a bottle of lube
between his finger and thumb.
"You can keep it." He said and then he tossed the bottle down the stairwell.
Shaun caught it with one hand, his only free hand, and nodded solemnly. It was
KY-Jelly. It looked brand new.
"Thanks."
Ben nodded slowly and then shut the door.
"Oh my god. I can't believe you actually asked him for that!" Jesse hissed from
the bed. He sat up, his hair a mess and his eyes a little bloodshot, but he was
grinning and he looked so fucking beautiful that it hurt Shaun's heart.
"He fucking hates me now."
Jesse laughed. "Yeah. He probably does."
Shaun came closer, throwing the bundle of blankets and pillows on top of the
suddenly indignant redhead. "I though you wanted this stupid band project thing
to last. It's not going to work out if the bassist starts hating my fucking
guts."
"He'll get over it." Jesse pushed the blankets off, absently rearranging the
pillows so that they were at the head of the bed. "Now, are you going to pout
all night or are you coming to bed?"
Shaun scowled. "Take off your clothes." He ordered, definitely not pouting.
Jesse smirked and raised an eyebrow. For a moment, Shaun was sure Jesse was
going to refuse, just to be a brat, but then Jesse started undressing, pulling
his hoodie and shirt over his head in one motion, mussing his hair even more.
Next, he kicked off his shoes and then he was lying back slightly and bracing
himself as he pulled his jeans off and threw them onto the floor. "Happy?" He
asked, looking up coyly as he toed his socks off.
Shaun was. In fact, Shaun didn't know how he'd ever stood to watch straight
porn before. Those girls with their breasts and soft curves had nothing on
Jesse's sleek body, his narrow hips, the pale pink of his peaked nipples, his
heavy cock sticking wetly to his belly.
All traces of amusement had left Jesse's face as he lay back on the bed,
watching Shaun with wide eyes. "I want you." He said softly, spreading his legs
invitingly. "Come here."
Shaun shivered. He wanted Jesse just as much as the redhead clearly wanted him.
He wanted to touch Jesse's smooth flawless skin, wanted to kiss his mouth,
wanted to be inside him more than anything.
Unable to tear his attention away from Jesse, Shaun shucked off his own
clothes, forgetting for a moment how he used to so vehemently protest being
naked in front of the other boy. At least this time he didn't have any fresh
cuts. Everything was either healed up, scabbed over or scarred.
Jesse licked his lips as Shaun's body was revealed, his eyes zeroing in on
Shaun's hardening cock.
Shaun stood at the foot of the bed for another moment once he was naked, just
watching Jesse watch him. He had a hard time imagining anyone being attracted
to him, especially with his clothes off. He knew his dick was pretty
impressive, but he didn't see how Jesse could appreciate that fact when he was
about to get fucked by it. Shaun couldn't imagine getting fucked by a cock as
big as his own – not that he could imagine getting fucked by any cock, that
shit was gay. But Jesse was staring at him lustily and Shaun was starting to
feel uncomfortably turned on, so he climbed on the bed and got between Jesse's
legs, kissing the other boy firmly.
Unfortunately, the kiss made Shaun more turned on than ever. He was settled on
top of the other boy, his cock lining up almost perfectly with Jesse's. The
redhead below him moaned into the kiss and squirmed, seeking more friction
against his straining erection.
God, Jesse's mouth was so hot and wet. Shaun sucked his tongue into his mouth,
pressing closer, wanting to be closer, wanting to be inside…
"Turn over." Shaun pulled himself off of Jesse abruptly, sitting back on his
knees between the redhead's legs. "Hands and knees."
Jesse groaned as he followed directions, burying his flushed face in the
pillows and pushing his ass back.
Jesse's ass was just as ridiculously gorgeous as the last time Shaun had seen
it up close. Round and hairless with two cute little dimples just above the
firm swell of his cheeks. Shaun's breathing picked up, his eyes helplessly
drawn to the dark crack splitting Jesse's two plump asscheeks. He lifted his
hands, laying one on either cheek, thanking gods he didn't even believe in
Jesse was letting him do this.
"You gonna stare at it all night?" Jesse's red face poked out from over his
shoulder. He looked amused.
"Shut up." Shaun slapped Jesse's ass hard, leaving a red print behind. Jesse
hissed and pressed his face back into the pillow.
Shaun might really have sat staring all night if Jesse hadn't prodded him
along. As it was, he was still quite gentle as he used both of his hands to
spread the redhead open and get a look at the tiny hole he was soon to be
entering.
And fuck, Jesse's asshole did look tight. It quivered before Shaun's gaze, the
dark pink hole winked as if it were calling for Shaun's attention.
Shaun had an overwhelming urge to taste Jesse's pretty asshole and so he did,
leaning forward and licking the wrinkled hole with the flat of his tongue.
"Ah!" Jesse jerked, first forward, away from Shaun's tongue and then back,
groaning as Shaun forced his tongue inside. "Oh my god…That's so wrong…."
Shaun didn't see what was wrong about it. It tasted good, a little salty, heavy
and very masculine, a flavor that Shaun found he liked. Shaun had always had
weird fantasies, so he wasn't all that surprised to find out that he liked
sucking ass.
"Oh fuck…fuck…oh motherfuck!" Jesse whimpered into his pillow. His hand went to
his cock, thick and heavy between his silken thighs and he squeezed forcefully,
starving off an early ejaculation.
Shaun was intensely turned on by Jesse's whimpering. He was licking the little
redhead in a very sensitive place, a place that Jesse had all but surrendered
to him to do with as he liked. He was resolute that he'd try this rimming
business again, possibly making Jesse come just from his tongue alone, but
tonight, he didn't want Jesse coming until Shaun's cock was buried deep inside
his trembling little body.
Shaun pulled away from Jesse's spasming hole, retrieving the plastic bottle of
lube and popping it open. Jesse squirmed at Shaun's abrupt disappearance. His
little hole was wet and twitching, an open mouth searching for sustenance.
Shaun going to give Jesse's ass exactly what it needed: a hard fucking.
"Hold yourself open for me." Shaun commanded, pouring the slick lube onto his
fingers. He didn't really have a great idea of how to go about this, but he
figured that as long as everything was slicked up with the K-Y jelly, then it'd
go smoothly. Shaun still had the nagging desire to see Jesse taking his cock
with a bit of pain. He knew Jesse would look beautiful wriggling on his cock,
exquisitely innocent tears staining his cheeks.
But Jesse hadn't wanted to do this in the first place, and Shaun was loath to
make this experience any more unpleasant than he needed to. He wanted to be
able to do this again, after all.
Jesse folded the pillow in half, resting his cheek and shoulders on it as he
shyly reached back to pull his ass cheeks apart, displaying himself fully. "Do
you know what to do?"
Shaun grunted, not liking the condescending tone of that particular question,
even though Jesse had sounded genial. 
To answer Jesse, Shaun shoved a slick finger up Jesse's ass, working a fair
amount of lube inside the super tight hole, and then smearing even more around
the outside.
Jesse wiggled at Shaun's rough touch, though whether he was seeking more or
less contact wasn't apparent. Shaun was highly turned on by the proceedings
however and he wanted desperately to be inside Jesse's tight warmth.
He squirted out more lube, rubbing it onto his cock his time.
"Roll over. I want to see you." Shaun said, his voice thick with lust. Jesse
complied quickly, flopping onto his back and staring up at Shaun with something
akin to amazement.
"Don't…do it too hard." Jesse requested, biting his lip as his eyes zeroed in
on Shaun's huge dick.
"Ok." Shaun grabbed one of the pillows and gestured for Jesse to lift up his
hips. "I…ah …won't." Words seemed to be failing the bigger boy, as he stared
down at the perfect display spread out before him. It was cliché as hell, but
Shaun thought that Jesse looked like a fucking angel, beautiful and incredibly
innocent. Shaun knew that Jesse had fucked girls before, and that he
technically wasn't a virgin, but Shaun was so intensely glad that Jesse had
never been with a guy before, glad that he got to take this last piece of
Jesse's innocence for himself. He wasn't about to say so out loud, but Shaun
was nearly overwhelmed with gratitude.
"I love you." Jesse said and Shaun nearly answered him back. Instead, he stared
into Jesse's eyes, full of love and longing, and lined his cockhead up with
Jesse's lubed hole. He started to push.
Despite the K-Y jelly, Jesse was very hard to get into. Shaun pressed against
the redhead's tight hole, and pressed some more, sure that if he just used a
little more force that he'd be inside Jesse's hot, tight heat. Below him, Jesse
was starting to make little sounds of pain, but Shaun's cock only grew harder,
he only wanted inside more.
"You've gotta relax." Shaun finally grunted, pulling away for more lube. His
cock was achingly hard at this point and he didn't want to stop, but he also
didn't want Jesse hating him for ripping his ass to shreds. He sloppily poured
more lube into his hand, rudely shoving two slick fingers up Jesse's behind.
"Ow!" Jesse gasped, tightening up further at Shaun's rough fingering.
"Seriously, Jess. Relax." Shaun ordered, dumping more lube on his cock and
slicking himself impatiently. His hand felt good, but he knew Jesse would feel
so much better. Eagerly, he lined himself up with Jesse's opening again, and
this time he grabbed one of Jesse's legs, bringing it up over his shoulder. He
leaned in, bending Jesse's leg towards his chest and opening him up further.
This time, when he pushed, his cock popped through the tight ring of muscle.
"Ah!" Jesse cried out, his hands immediately going to fist at the disheveled
sheets. "Fuck!"
Shaun grunted. Jesse was really fucking tight. Just like he'd imagined. He
grabbed one of Jesse's hands, lacing his fingers through Jesse's and pressing
it down onto the bed. The contact was just a little apology for the pain Shaun
knew the redhead was in now, because Shaun couldn't possibly utter a word, not
with his cock being squeezed, almost pinched, by Jesse's sphincter.
Shaun paused for a moment, watching the pain on Jesse's face and waiting for it
to fade somewhat. Jesse took a deep breath, biting his lip. Shaun felt the
other boy loosen up slightly and Shaun finally decided to move.
"Oh god!" Jesse whimpered, his face screwing up, just the way Shaun had hoped
it would. There weren't any tears yet, but Shaun though he looked gorgeous all
the same.
Shaun pressed his cock all the way inside and then pulled out. In then
out…slowly, agonizingly slow. Jesse gasped and squeezed Shaun's fingers
tightly, his eyes were still shut.
"Does it…hurt really bad?" Shaun finally managed to choke out. It felt like his
cock was being skinned, but in a good way. It was so fucking intense.
"Yesssss!" Jesse hissed. "You're too fucking…ah…too fucking big!"
Shaun grit his teeth as Jesse's ass clenched around him once more. Just as soon
as Shaun felt Jesse starting to loosen up, he would tighten his muscles again.
"Stop fighting it." He grunted.
Jesse moaned and tossed his head around as he tried to comply. He wasn't really
getting anywhere though.  He trembled under Shaun, moaning that it 'hurt'.
Suddenly, Shaun got an idea. Shifting slightly, he reached between them to fist
Jesse's flaccid cock. Jesse cried out pitifully and arched into Shaun's hand,
desperate for something other than the burning pain in his ass.
Jesse felt good, so much better than Shaun ever could have imagined and if
admitting that made him gay, then Shaun guessed he really was a homosexual,
because he never wanted this to stop. He wanted to keep jerking Jesse off and
fucking his tight ass, and looking into his face, beautiful in his pain, and in
his pleasure too.
Jesse's leg slid from Shaun's shoulder and he wrapped it around Shaun's waist
instead, drawing his cock in deeper.
 Shaun released Jesse's hand, using his free arm to half pick Jesse up. He
shifted slightly, pressing inside Jesse's warmth at a different angle, looking
for that spot inside the other boy that would make Jesse want to come just as
bad as he wanted to.
He knew he'd found Jesse's prostate when Jesse's hand came up to tangle in his
hair. Jesse yanked on Shaun's hair, his mouth opening in a silent scream.
Smirking, Shaun hit Jesse's prostate again.
And just like that, everything was suddenly much easier.
Jesse trust back onto Shaun's cock, and his moans of pain were fast becoming
ones of pure pleasure. "Oh…what are you…?" Jesse gasped and arched his back,
trying to get Shaun to fuck him harder, trying to make Shaun's hand move faster
on his cock.
Shaun wanted to do something else though, and he grabbed one of Jesse's hands,
clenched in the bed sheets, and guided it to his cock. Jesse took over for
Shaun, jerking himself off rapidly and groaning. Shaun's now freed hands roamed
over Jesse's body, over his sweaty, silken skin, his quivering belly, the
muscles flexing in his legs, his throat working around his noises of pleasure.
Shaun dipped his head, sucking Jesse's flushed skin into his mouth. The other
boy moaned his approval, tilting his head back so Shaun had more room.
Shaun was close to coming, but he tried to hold it off. He wanted Jesse to come
first.
Luckily, it seemed Jesse was as close as Shaun was.
"Oooo…oh Shaun!" Shaun could feel Jesse's hand flying between their bodies, all
but strangling an orgasm from Jesse's cock. "Oh fucking god…"
Jesse's ass clamped down on Shaun's invading cock as he came. Jesse jerked up,
letting out a pained sound as he splattered his chest with his come.
Shaun finally allowed himself to let go. He dropped Jesse back onto the bed,
grabbing him around the waist and fucking Jesse as hard and as fast as he
could. It only took a few more moments before Shaun was coming as well, filling
Jesse's abused hole with hot, sticky semen.
Jesse grunted as Shaun collapsed right on top of him. Shaun meant to roll off
the other boy, but he was so warm and tired, drained of all his energy
actually. He just wanted to lay on top of Jesse forever.
"That was fucking…"Jesse mumbled, trailing off without really saying anything.
"Amazing." Shaun answered.
Jesse made a sound of agreement.
There was a long moment of silence wherein Shaun thought that Jesse had fallen
asleep and where he almost did as well.
There was something still bothering him though.
"Why'd you let me do that?" Shaun whispered into Jesse's hair. Despite his
drowsiness, there was no way he could sleep like this, pressed so close that
his cock was still imbedded in Jesse's ass and that he could feel the other
boy's heartbeat thrumming against his chest. Also, Jesse's bony ribcage was
digging into Shaun's stomach and out of all the feelings Shaun had experienced
during the past half hour, this one was probably the most unpleasant.
"I don't know." Jesse whispered back. Shaun finally forced himself to roll off
the other boy, catching Jesse's wince as his cock left the redhead's fucked out
ass. Despite everything he'd just been through, however, Jesse face was serene,
the blue of his half-lidded eyes were gleaming, tear tracks Shaun hadn't even
noticed before, ghostly on his cheeks. He was smiling.
"Did I really hurt you?" Shaun reached out touch the drying tears on Jesse's
face. "Your crying."
"No." Jesse raised his hand to stroke the back of Shaun's. "I probably won't be
able to walk for a week, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be."
"What?" Shaun laughed, remembering how hard it had been to even get inside
Jesse's tight ass. "You thought it'd be fucking worse?!"
"I thought I wouldn't come at all." Jesse shrugged. "I thought I'd hate getting
fucked. But I didn't."
Jesse and Shaun met each other's eyes.
"But why'd you let me? If you were so afraid…" Normally Shaun wouldn't have
been so inquisitive, especially after coming as hard as he just had, but he
felt this was important. He wanted a straight answer.
Jesse lowered his eyes shyly, but he finally brought himself to answer.
"I just wanted to be as close to you as possible…it seems like, well, it feels
like I'm going to lose you before we've even really gotten started together."
Shaun quirked a brow at the explanation. He didn't get it. "And there's not
going too much time for us to be together soon, anyway."
"What do you mean?"
"We've got school to worry about, you're starting a new band and I've got my
family to deal with…it seems like there's never enough time for us to be
together." The redhead admitted, still not looking at Shaun. "I was afraid to
let you do this, and it hurt just like it thought it would, but it was totally
worth it. When we're apart and I miss you, I'll be remember what you felt like
inside me and I'll—"
"Christ Jesse. Could you get any more sentimental?"
Jesse laughed as he brushed off his soppy sensibilities. "Sorry. It's just that
I love—Well, you know how I feel."
Jesse smiled up at Shaun so sweetly, looking so fucking innocent and pure
despite the damning sin they had just committed and Shaun found himself
speaking before he could stop himself, before he even knew what he was going to
say.
"I love you." Shaun said and then immediately felt his stomach drop to his
knees.
Shaun was suddenly wrapped up in incredible fear.
What if Jesse stops loving me? What if he leaves? What if telling Jesse that I
love him makes him run away from me like everyone else has?
 But Jesse's face brightened and his smile widened. "I know you do…but it's
nice to hear you say it." Oblivious to the storm brewing in Shaun's mind, the
redhead shifted closer to Shaun on the pull-out bed and threw his leg over
Shaun's waist as he snuggled in.
"Can you get the blankets?" Jesse said after a moment. "I threw them on the
floor."
Blindly, Shaun retrieved the blankets and let Jesse do all the work of
spreading them out over their naked bodies. Jesse rearranged the pillows and
then drew Shaun's head down to rest on his shoulder.
"Try to sleep, baby."
Shaun shut his eyes and listened to Jesse's breathing. He was deeply afraid of
rejection. So afraid that it made him want to get up, right this minute, and
flee. But he was so tired from their previous exertions that he continued to
lay on the bed next to Jesse, even when every instinct Shaun had was telling
him to get out of there.
Jesse fell asleep within minutes and he snuggled closer, seeking Shaun's touch
even in his sleep. 
That made Shaun feel a little better, and he eventually relaxed enough to fall
asleep.
In the morning, all of Shaun's doubts were pushed to the back of his mind.
There was something a bit distracting about being woken up by a friend and
trusted bandmate, naked and exhausted after a night of really incredible sex.
"Shaun…"
The sullen boy jerked awake at the sound of his name being called. Ben was
standing over him, holding a hand to his eyes as if the sight of Shaun and
Jesse twined together and twisted in blankets, offended him.
Shaun's first instinct was to scream at Ben to 'get the fuck out'.  Instead, he
hurriedly pulled the blankets over himself, trying to cover his scarred chest
and arms. At least his cock and balls hadn't been on display.
"What? What's going on?" Beside him, Jesse sat up, much less self-conscious
about his body than Shaun. He allowed the blankets to slide down his upper
body, giving Ben a good view of his flat stomach and his pink little nipples.
The blankets pooled in his lap, hiding all of his naughty bits, but Shaun had a
feeling that Jesse would have just allowed himself to hang out if the blankets
hadn't fallen that way naturally.
"Jesus, you guys." Ben scoffed, taking a peek at them from behind his hand and
then immediately covering his eyes again when he saw that they weren't really
decent. "I can't believe you two actually…" Ben trailed off, shaking his head.
"I hope Jesse was at least conscious for it."
"Fuck!" Shaun cried. "What do you want?!"
Ben lowered his hand again to glare at Shaun. "Dude, I don't want anything, ok.
But we're leaving in like 15 minutes and Angela said that she doesn't want to
leave you here while we're out."
"Shit! We're not going to steal anything!" Shaun said impatiently, scrubbing a
hand over his face. It was way too early for this shit, not that Angela's shit
had been more bearable last night. But last night he'd been more focused on
Jesse's ass than Angela's bitching.
"I know you won't." Ben sighed. "I can't convince her you guys can be trusted,
though. She's just going to have to get to know you."
"I don't want to fucking know her!"
"Shaun!" Jesse hissed admonishingly, poking him in the side. Shaun pushed him
away, annoyed with the whole situation. He wished Ben would turn around and let
them get dressed or something, but Ben just kept standing over them, his gaze
shifting uncertainly from Jesse to Shaun.
Ben bristled slightly at Shaun's anger, but his only reaction was to shrug. "I
mean, she's just going to have to get used to you. Since we're in a band
together and all."
"Oh, so we're still doing that?" Shaun asked snottily.
Ben nodded. "Yeah. Gretchen texted me a few hours ago. She said she'd come over
for practice Tuesday around like 5. Can you make it?"
Shaun was startled enough by the change of subject that he found himself
nodding without putting much thought into it. "Yeah." They did need to
practice. They had just scratched the surface of Shaun's songs last night, but
if they wanted to be any good, they'd all need to be together. Because, as good
as Shaun was, he only had a limited understanding of bass and he was clueless
when it came to drums. Everyone was going to have to figure out their own
parts.
Ben smiled slightly. "Alright. Good. Now, you've really got to get out of
here."
"Fuck off." Shaun growled but this time Ben's smile only widened in response to
Shaun's rudeness.
"Can you give us a minute?" Jesse asked reasonably, stretching out one of his
bare legs and scratching his thigh. 
Shaun noticed that Ben's gaze zeroed in on Jesse's well-formed leg and Shaun
growled under his breath, angry that Ben would have the gall to ogle Jesse
right in front of him.
Ben didn't seem to realize Shaun was growling at him, though and he nodded
quickly.
"Yeah, I'll…wait for you upstairs." Ben nodded at Jesse and finally turned
around to leave them the fuck alone.
Shaun huffed and rolled off the pull-out bed after Ben was safely upstairs. He
started getting dressed, his back to Jesse.
"This sucks." Jesse said behind Shaun. He dragged himself out from under the
covers and grabbed up his clothes as well. "Eww. I need a shower… desperately."
Shaun turned slightly to look over his shoulder at the other boy.
He was feeling a pretty general animosity towards everyone on the planet right
then. It was too early, he'd just been embarrassed in front of his bassist and
his boyfriend had no compunctions about being naked in front of said bassist.
This early in the morning, everything kind of sucked.
Jesse finished dressing before Shaun, and he started putting the foldout bed
back to its original state, sloppily pulling the sheets straight and folding
the extra blankets Ben had brought them and placing them, along with the
pillows, on the other couch.
"Help me with this?"
Shaun sighed, zipping up his jeans as he finished dressing. He came to help
Jesse fold the bed back into the couch and then he stalked over to the other
side of the room to start packing up his shit.
"Can we keep this?"
Shaun looked back at the redhead, blushing slightly as he saw what he was
holding. It was the bottle of lube.
"Yes." Shaun said simply, turning away before Jesse could see his blush.
Jesse slid the bottle into his back pocket and then he came to collect Shaun's
amp. He waited patiently for Shaun to gather his guitar, looking sleepy and
sweet. Shaun felt slightly bad for being angry at him. After all, it wasn't
Jesse's fault that Ben had walked in on them sleeping naked.
When he had his guitar in its case and it was slung under his arm, Shaun
shuffled up to the little redhead, dropping a kiss on the side of his mouth.
"I ah…you know." Shaun grunted instead of actually vocalizing his love and
affection for the other boy.
"Love you too." Jesse said, stretching up on his tip-toes to kiss Shaun more
properly.
Eventually, Shaun and Jesse worked their way upstairs. Ben was waiting by the
front door as he'd promised. He was shifting about impatiently, but he smiled
when the two came up from the basement, a look of relief crossing his face.
"Thanks you guys. Angela was threatening to come get you herself, but I told
her that it probably wasn't a good idea."
"Yeah. I'd fucking—" Jesse elbowed Shaun in the side and the sullen boy snapped
his mouth shut, realizing suddenly that Jesse was right to shut him up. Ben had
taken enough shit for them last night and he didn't need to hear what Shaun
wanted to do to his cunt of a fiancé.
"Thanks for letting us crash." Jesse said sweetly, smiling at Ben. Ben slapped
Jesse on the back, looking amused by the other boy's appreciation.
"No problem."
On the walk out to the car, Shaun noticed that Jesse was limping slightly.
"Your ass hurt?"
"Yeah." Jesse said, putting Shaun's amp in the car. "I've got a monster
headache too." He screwed up his face as if to display the level of pain he was
going through. "Wish we had some weed."
Shaun nodded his agreement. He'd meant to ask Ben about his dealer, but he
hadn't gotten around to it. He'd try to remember on Tuesday to ask.
The ride back home was pretty quiet. Neither of them had much to talk about
besides their equally bad hangovers, and both of them were too tired to come up
with a plan to go somewhere else, anywhere else, but their houses that were
full of assholes.
Jesse leaned on his shoulder and dozed a little, occasionally waking up to
nuzzle Shaun's neck or to kiss his cheek. Shaun took the time to think about
his confession last night.
He'd been so freaked out when those words he'd only just recently admitted to
in his own head had come flying out. But Jesse hadn't turned away last night,
and he certainly wasn't turning away now. Shaun knew enough about himself to
recognize he'd always worry about Jesse leaving him. For now though, Shaun
decided that he wasn't going to think about it. Jesse was with him right now,
and that was good enough.
Shaun took them to his house, not really wanting to deal with Jesse's massive
family and not wanting the redhead to leave either.
Jesse woke up when Shaun pulled into his driveway. He looked even more tired
than he had before, but he helped Shaun take his things into the garage and
then he followed him inside.
"What are you doing home so early?" Eli started as Jesse and Shaun came in. The
old man was sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper and drinking a cup
of coffee. He was dressed up slightly in a nice shirt and black slacks. His
thinning hair was combed neatly. He peered curiously at the two rumpled
teenagers.
"We don't have anywhere else to go." Shaun shrugged, looking curiously back at
his grandfather. "Going to church?"
"Yes. We've got church this morning and then I'm dropping Ruthie off for her
knitting group." Shaun smiled at that announcement. Ruth's knitting group
usually went on for hours, sometimes until dinner. "She's coming home to make
some venison steak later."
Oh, well, Ruth wasn't going to be gone all day it seemed, but at least she'd be
gone for the morning. Enough time for them to get some more sleep.
"Ok, thanks." Shaun nodded at Eli, and grabbed Jesse's arm, pulling him into
the next room.
Ruth was in the bathroom at the end of the hall, probably getting ready. It was
easy enough for Shaun to sneak them past his overbearing matriarch and he led
Jesse into his bedroom.
"When they leave you can take a shower." Shaun promised the other boy, pulling
his desk chair over to the door and wedging it against the doorknob. It wasn't
as good as a lock, but it would at least alert Shaun if anyone, namely Ruth,
was trying to force their way in.
"Mmm." Jesse came to stand before Shaun, looking up at him adoringly. "Think we
could get away with fucking?"
"Ah…not right now." Shaun said regretfully. God, he did want to fuck Jesse
again. He couldn't believe the other boy was up for it though. "We'll wait
until their gone so we can…you know."
"Ok." Jesse smiled and left Shaun's side to climb onto the sullen boy's freshly
made bed. "Would it be weird if I took a nap?"
"Yes." Shaun said as he solemnly watched the redhead settle in on his bed. He
had no idea how he'd explain the other boy's presence in his bed if Ruth came
in, but right now he didn't give a shit. He'd barely gotten any sleep last
night, well, he'd slept hard once he'd finally convinced himself to do so, but
4 hours of hard sleep was still only 4 hours.
Jesse kicked his shoes off and curled up under the blankets. He looked slyly in
Shaun's direction, obviously trying to tempt him into bed as well. Shaun
desperately wanted to join the other boy under the covers, but he wasn't about
to fall asleep in bed with another boy when Ruth was still home. Sure, the door
was locked, more or less, but Ruth knew how to get around it.
Jesse fell asleep within moments, his face smooth and peaceful. Shaun envied
his easy sleep, wanting again to join him. Besides being woken up way too early
by Ben, he'd slept surprisingly well with Jesse clinging to him all night.
Shaun chose to sit on the floor by himself though, figuring that the further
away he was from the bed he was, the less suspicious he looked. He took out his
knife and carved a doddle into the floor. He had a vague urge to cut himself,
to watch himself bleed, but he didn't want Jesse catching him right in the
middle of it. That'd be pretty awkward.
Shaun waited for about an hour, listening to his grandparents get ready in the
other part of the house. It was boring, and Shaun eventually switched from
cutting up the floor to pressing the sharp knife into his callused finger tips
just to see how hard he could push before he felt any pain.
When there was a knock on the bedroom door, Shaun's knife slipped and he nearly
cut his finger off.
"What?!" Shaun snarled, glaring at the offending door.
"We're leaving." Eli said through the door, not even bothering to open it.
Shaun flushed a little bit, wondering if Eli thought he and Jesse were messing
around. Shaun was even more embarrassed by the fact that he appreciated Eli's
consideration. "We'll be back around 3."
Shaun didn't answer, his face burning red with embarrassment. After a moment,
he heard Eli walk away and a moment after that he heard the sound of the front
door slamming shut. Unsatisfied with those two indicators, Shaun stayed sitting
until after he'd heard the sound of Eli's Ford pulling out of the drive. He
wanted to be absolutely sure they were gone before he did anything. He waited
about 5 more minutes, just listening to the silent house and Jesse's soft
breathing.
Satisfied that they were really and truly gone, Shaun put his knife away and
climbed onto the bed, straddling Jesse's hips. The redhead stirred slightly at
the bed dipping, but he didn't open his eyes.
"Jesse…" Shaun whispered, kissing the other boy's lips. They were so rosy and
perfect. Shaun almost hated how much he wanted to kiss them. He was always
staring at them and thinking about them at inappropriate times, wanting to
touch them, wanting to taste them… "Jess."
The redhead's eyes fluttered open and he smiled sweetly when he saw who was
looming over him. Shaun hated to admit it, but that smile sent butterflies
flapping through his stomach every time. He was so in love with the stupid,
idiotic boy between his thighs that a mere smile could send him into rapture.
"They're gone." Shaun said needlessly, kissing Jesse again, biting his lip
playfully. "We've got the house to ourselves."
"Mmm." Jesse moaned. "I'm so sleepy."
Shaun pulled back slightly, sensing rejection. He was tired too, but he wanted
Jesse's ass more than sleep. Shaun had hoped it'd be the same for the redhead.
"Undress me?"
Shaun blinked at the request, but moved to comply almost immediately, peeling
the blankets off to expose Jesse's lithe body.
"I was thinking about it when we were driving." Jesse said, sounding a little
out of it, but mostly coherent. Jesse grunted as Shaun pulled his shirt over
his head, sending his hair flying out in all different directions. Shaun
tenderly smoothed his hair back down.
"Yeah?" Shaun quipped. "Since when did thinking become so innovative?"
Jesse snorted, lifting his hips up as Shaun moved down to work on his jeans. "I
was thinking about how we can do this without you ripping me a new asshole
every time."
Shaun winced at the choice of words. "I though you said it wasn't that bad."
"It hurt like fucking hell, but that doesn't mean it wasn't worth it." Jesse
said smoothly.
Shaun worked Jesse's jeans and boxers from his narrow hips, swallowing at all
the skin he'd bared. His head hadn't been as clear last night as it was now,
and it was almost like he was getting a completely new look at the boy beneath
him. Fuck, fuck, fuck! He was so pretty and fragile looking laid out on Shaun's
bed, his smooth pale skin was like porcelain, the complete opposite of his
flushed and erect cock, which was pointing at the ceiling defiantly, begging
for pleasure.  
"I think if you use your fingers," Here Jesse held up his first two fingers,
scissoring them open and closed, "That it won't be such a tight fit."
"Oh." Shaun hadn't even really thought about it. Putting lube up Jesse's ass
and on his cock had been about the extent of his knowledge with anal. The porn
that he'd watched at Will's house never showed any kind of preparation before
some stud pushed his dick up a chick's ass. Maybe boys were different though.
"Ok." Shaun nodded decisively. "I'll do that."
Jesse bit his lip, looking up at Shaun from under his long lashes and Shaun
stared right back wondering if Jesse was going to flip over and expose his ass
or if he wanted Shaun to push his legs up like he had last night.
"Are you going to get naked too?" Jesse asked shyly.
Shaun frowned slightly, but nodded. He pulled off his shirt and pants, much
less nervous about being naked in his own bedroom than he had been in Ben's
basement. He wasn't even that embarrassed this time. Jesse knew what he looked
like and he'd yet to shy away from Shaun's ugly scars. Jesse mostly acted like
they weren't even there anyway.
"I dropped the lube on the floor." Jesse said softly, reaching up to smooth his
fingers over Shaun's abdomen. His eyes were warm and passionate as he explored
Shaun's skin, loving.
Shaun bent away from Jesse's hand to get the aforementioned lube but then he
was right back, letting Jesse touch him for a moment.
"Ready?"
Jesse was caught up staring at his hand resting against Shaun's side and he was
startled by Shaun's gentle question. "Yeah." He said. "Want me to turn over?"
Shaun nodded and waited patiently for Jesse to flip onto his stomach and then
raise himself up onto his hands and knees. Shaun couldn't help himself, he
immediately pulled Jesse's ass open and looked at his hole.
It was red and irritated looking. There wasn't any blood though.
"Mmm, don't look at it." Jesse whined, wiggling his hips in an attempt to hide
himself.
"Why not?" Shaun pressed his thumb against the wrinkled entrance, marveling at
how inviting the hot little hole was. "It's gorgeous."
"I need a shower." Jesse sighed, spreading his leg further as if he was
resigning himself to Shaun's scrutiny. "Just don't lick it like last night.
That was really gross."
Shaun scowled at the implication that he'd been the only one to enjoy the rim
job he'd given last night. He knew for a fucking fact that Jesse had liked it,
even if he hadn't approved of it.
Shaun swooped down and plastered his mouth over Jesse's hole, sucking on it
forcefully.
Jesse screamed. "Ow! That hurts!" He cried out. "Fuck!"
Feeling stupid, Shaun gentled his tongue, licking Jesse's tender little
entrance carefully. Jesse whimpered and squirmed like he had yesterday,
muttering that he wasn't clean. And he really wasn't. Shaun imagined he could
taste his old come and Jesse's sweat and traces of blood. The faint earthy
flavor that Shaun had tasted yesterday was there as well, only much stronger
and insistent.
Jesse was really starting to get upset, crying to himself about how gross his
ass was, though he made no move to actually stop Shaun. His cock was still hard
and a drop of pre-come dripped from the redhead's weeping silt.
Shaun pulled away after another minute, massively turned on by Jesse's crying.
He still stood by his previous judgment and thought that Jesse's ass tasted
like fucking heaven, whether or not he was essentially clean.
Face flushed and cock achingly hard, Shaun finally got down to the business of
preparing Jesse for their second fuck. He covered his fingers in the lube and
pressed them against the other boy's wet hole, moving them around and around in
a circular pattern. When he finally popped them inside Jesse moaned loudly and
buried his face in Shaun's pillow, bracing himself as if he were waiting for
some terrible pain. Shaun hoped that it wouldn't hurt, too much anyway.
Shaun had to stifle his urge to rush and he firmly pushed aside his arousal,
concentrating on the redhead below him. You love him, remember? Shaun reminded
himself. He had an obligation to make this good from start to finish.
Shaun worked his fingers in and out of Jesse, only picking up the pace when the
boy below him started to thrust back to meet Shaun's hand. Jesse moaned when
Shaun started scissoring his fingers like the redhead had originally suggested,
pushing back like he wanted to take Shaun's whole hand up his ass.
"Do it…now." Jesse said finally, panting like he'd run a mile in 4 minutes
flat.
Shaun withdrew his fingers and slicked his cock up with a good portion of the
lube – they'd need to get more soon it seemed – and he lined his cock up with
Jesse's hole.
"Ready?" Shaun asked, leaning forward until his bare chest was pressed to
Jesse's back. He wrapped an arm around his middle, wanting to be holding Jesse
tightly when he pushed into his ass.
"Um…." Jesse said softly, hesitantly. Shaun waited, finding a source of
patience inside him that he had never encountered before. "Can you do something
first?"
Shaun pressed his lips to Jesse's shoulder, licking the other boy's salty skin,
smooth as fucking satin. "'Course." He agreed easily.
Jesse turned slightly, looking over his shoulder. "Can you tell me you love
me?"
Shaun blushed, meeting Jesse's pleading blue eyes with reluctance. "You know I
do." He said evasively.
"But I want you to say it out loud." Jesse implored. "Please."
Shaun didn't like it, but he nodded curtly. "I guess so." Jesse deserved it
after all. He was the one with his ass on the line, literally.
Jesse gazed at him, the sparkling blue of his gaze hypothesizing. Shaun went
over the three little words obsessively, trying to figure out the best way to
say it, but finally, Shaun threw caution to the wind and just said it.
"I love you, Jess."
Jesse's eyes filled with pleasure and he dropped back into position, shoving
his ass backwards towards Shaun's erection. I love you, too, his body said,
though out loud Jesse whispered for him to 'do it'.
And Shaun did, pushing inside Jesse's tight – though this time stretched and
properly lubed – ass. It wasn't nearly as intense as it had been last night,
but it was so warm and amazing. Shaun fucked his cock slowly inside Jesse,
enjoying the sparks of pleasure Jesse's trembling little passage set off inside
him.
"Oh fuck yeah." Jesse moaned in one long breath. "That feels good."
At this pace, Shaun was able to fuck Jesse much longer than last night,
prolonging the pleasure for them both. Shaun held onto Jesse, pressing his face
to his sweaty skin. He felt amazing, he tasted amazing and even the sound of
him, the smell of his hair and his sweaty body, were amazing.
Jesse grunted and moaned like a fucking slut and gradually, Shaun increased his
pace, plunging into Jesse's hole faster and harder. Jesse dug his knees into
the bed, bracing himself against the punishing fuck. Shaun was aiming his
thrusts into Jesse's prostate so the redhead was crying out with each stroke,
his hole clenching rhythmically over and over again.
Shaun gasped out loud as he sensed his orgasm coming. He reached under Jesse,
grabbing his cock in his callused hands.
"I love you!" Jesse cried out at Shaun's touch, thrusting back onto Shaun's
cock and then forward into his hand. "Oh fuck, I love you so fucking…." Jesse
trailed off as he came with a yelp, splattering his come all over the
bedspread.
With Jesse's orgasm, Shaun straightened up, grabbing Jesse's hips as he drove
himself into the other boy at breakneck speed.
Jesse screamed weakly as Shaun's thrusts slammed against his highly sensitive
prostate. His dick, still spurting sticky come, twitched violently.
After a few more hard thrusts, Shaun was coming as well. He managed not to
scream or cry out at all, but he did throw back his head, his mouth falling
opening in helpless pleasure.
Jesse was so fucking amazing.
Shaun collapsed beside Jesse, pleased when the redhead immediately curled up to
Shaun's warmth.
"Shit." He said bluntly. "That was fucking great."
"Hmm." Shaun agreed.
They lay together for a moment, relaxing after their exertions. "I guess I've
been gay my whole life." Jesse said finally, to no one in particular. "Either
that, or you're just a sex god or something."
Shaun snorted, thinking of the drunk girl he'd lost his virginity to. "Trust
me. I'm not."
Jesse smiled as he disagreed, but he dropped the subject. "Want to get a shower
before your grandma comes home?"
Honestly, Shaun would rather get some more sleep, but it sounded like Jesse
wanted him to get in the shower with him. That sounded nice.
The shower was indeed nice. Jesse was his normal sweet and loving self,
touching Shaun more than strictly necessary, even deeming to take over Shaun's
washing for him.
"Let me help you, baby." Jesse said sweetly, adding the cute endearment that
Shaun had reluctantly grown to love.
Washing led to kissing, which led to Jesse getting on his knees in the small
shower stall and sucking Shaun off while he jerked his own cock to orgasm.
By the time they were done and clean, Shaun had to all but crawl back to his
room. He put some clothes on haphazardly and fell into bed.
Jesse put the chair back in front of the door and then he was right behind
Shaun. Wearing the jeans he'd worn the day before, but nothing else. They still
had a few hours until 3, and Shaun was confident that he'd wake up before Eli
and Ruth came home, so he draped his arm around Jesse's waist and drew him
close.
"I love you, you stupid idiot." He grumbled before he drifted off to sleep.
When Shaun woke up, he was alone. He glanced groggily at the clock on his
bedside table and jumped up immediately. It was almost 5!
For one crazy minute, Shaun was convinced that he'd imagined the whole thing,
but then he saw Jesse's tennis shoes lying on the floor by the foot of the bed.
Ok, so Jesse was still around. But what was he up to?
Shaun got out of bed, grabbing a hoodie out of the closet to cover his bare
arms. He poked his head out of his bedroom and looked towards the living room,
thinking that Jesse might be watching TV.
The living room was empty, but Shaun could hear his voice coming from the
kitchen.
Frowning, Shaun left his bedroom and crept silently down the hall, listening to
the conversation that was taking place.
"…I bet he was." Jesse was saying in response to something. For a minute Shaun
was sure he was talking to Ruth, but then Eli spoke, ruining that theory.
"He was such a cute kid. I remember the first time Ruthie and I took Shaun to
church. They had the choir singing as they walked down the aisles with candles,
they still do that sometime, it's really beautiful. But anyways, Shaun was
watching this all going on with this pout on his face, you know the look. And
he says loudly as the choir passes our row, 'Who's birthday party is this?'"
Jesse laughed at the asinine story. "Aww." He cooed like an idiot.
Hoping to put an end to story time, Shaun stomped into the kitchen and glared
around the room.
Jesse and Eli were sitting at the table with drinks in front of them. The
kitchen was a mess, which usually indicated that Eli had cooked something.
Indeed, the oven light was on and Shaun saw a pan inside.
"What's going on?" Shaun asked gruffly.
"You're awake." Eli stated the obvious, smiling warmly. Shaun continued to
glare.
"We're making steaks. In the oven." Jesse pointed out, nodding towards the
mentioned appliance.
"I convinced Ruth to stay with her knitting circle for longer so that I could
make dinner tonight. Poor Ruthie works herself too hard sometime. She needs a
break."
Shaun snorted. He didn't know what Eli was talking about. Ruth hadn't had an
actual job in years, she was paid disability in lieu of working and besides
cleaning, doing the shopping and cooking most of the meals, she did nothing
else. But Shaun was glad that it had been Eli and not Ruth that was
entertaining the little redhead. There was no telling what Ruth would tell
Jesse about Shaun's childhood. Eli wouldn't embarrass him needlessly.
"I get to stay for dinner." Jesse said, drawing Shaun's attention back onto
himself. Shaun felt his annoyance with Eli fade as he looked at Jesse's
cheerful expression. Instead of saying something harsh and then storming back
to his room, Shaun came to sit on the other side of Jesse, putting on a bored
expression as if he were doing the redhead a huge favor. Jesse reached over and
grabbed his hand, holding it between two of his own. Suddenly, Shaun found it
almost impossible to feign boredom.
The three of them sat around the kitchen table, talking bullshit. Or rather,
Jesse and Eli talked and Shaun watched Jesse.
Normally Shaun tried to hide his obsession with the other boy, but he found
that he wasn't nearly as afraid of being perceived gay anymore. He wasn't gay.
He just happened to be desperately in love with the boy at his side, no big
deal. It didn't mean that he checked out other guys or liked shopping and
listening to show tunes. He was just Shaun with a singular attraction to Jesse.
That was all.
And if people couldn't see that, then fuck 'em.
Ruth came home shortly before dinner was ready. Shaun ripped his hand from
Jesse's as she came through the door, unable to believe that he'd let Jesse
hold onto him for as long as he had.
But Ruth was surprisingly bearable today and she was full of irrelevant gossip
she'd picked up from her knitting group.
Old so and so's wife was cheating, Mr. What's-his-name's daughter was pregnant
again and so on and so forth.
Dinner was good and Jesse complimented him profusely on bringing home the
venison. Shaun kept rolling his eyes, but secretly he was pleased.
When dinner was finished, Jesse offered to clean up his and Eli's mess. Ruth
seemed pleasantly surprised.
"Not too many men around here are willing to do house work." She said, watching
as Jesse collected everyone's dishes and ferried them to the sink. "Well, c'mon
Eli, let's let the boy do his work." She got out of her chair sluggishly and
hooked her arm through Eli's tugging him into the living room. "Help your
little friend out, Shaun." She ordered on her way out, not even bothering to
look back.
Shaun rolled his eyes. "What the fuck was that about?" He asked. He hadn't been
about to leave Jesse to the task of cleaning the entire kitchen by himself, but
he didn't like being told to do it either.
"I want to tell you something before I have to go."
"Well, you could have told me in the other room." Shaun said, snatching the
tower of dishes out of Jesse's hands and pushing them into the sink. He turned
the water on, hoping to soak the dishes clean.
"I guess, but I don't want you to freak out, ok."
Shaun arched a brow. "What do you mean?" This certainly didn't sound good.
Jesse nudged Shaun aside, getting a sponge and methodically washing the first
dish in the pile.
"I saw Kyle on Friday."
"What?!" Shaun hissed, grabbing Jesse's shoulder and spinning him around.
"When?!"
Jesse nearly dropped the dish. He set it aside carefully, staring at the soapy
plate instead of at Shaun as he answered. "He was at my house. Apparently, he's
friends with Sam now."
"That fucking little whore—"
"Hey. I don't like it either, but don't talk about my brother like that." Jesse
snapped, glaring valiantly into Shaun's angry face.
Shaun bared his teeth in a snarl. "I was talking about that piece of shit Kyle,
not your cunt of a brother." Jesse continued to glare, but when Shaun didn't
apologize or back down he sighed and looked away.
"He told me to tell you—"
"We're passing notes now?" Shaun scowled.
Jesse rolled his eyes, visibly annoyed to be interrupted. "He told me that if
you try to get revenge or harm him in any way that he'll go to the cops."
"Oh fuck him!" Shaun bristled at the threat. "I'm gonna pay him a visit right
now!" Shaun stormed over to the front door, realized that he didn't have any
shoes on and then stormed right back through the kitchen and towards his
bedroom.
"I thought you were helping your little friend with the dishes?" Ruth asked as
Shaun passed through the living room.
"Fuck off!" He yelled in reply.
In his bedroom, Shaun found his boots and sat down on the floor to jam them
onto his feet. He was fuming. He'd just about had enough of Kyle and his
conniving little tricks. If he thought he could send Jesse to do his bidding
and get away with it scot free, then he was going to be in for a surprise.
Shaun's door was wide open, so he was able to see Jesse when he timidly
ventured into the hallway. Jesse was wearing a look of intense resolution, one
which Shaun immediately despised.
"I told you not to freak out." Jesse said.
"Fuck you, Jesse. I can't believe you didn't tell me about this sooner."
"I didn't tell you for this very reason!" Jesse yelled, gesturing towards Shaun
as the bigger boy finished lacing up his boots. Shaun stood, considering just
pushing past Jesse and going straight to Kyle's house. But he and Jesse had
been having such a good weekend. And this wasn't really Jesse's fault, even
though he'd purposefully kept this information from him for over a day. So
perhaps he wouldn't piss Jesse off by ignoring him. They could talk about this,
if that's what Jesse wanted and then afterwards Shaun would annihilate Kyle.
   
"Don't keep secrets from me." Shaun said severely. "Tell me next time."
Jesse nodded, cautiously edging closer. "Alright. I will. But you can't just go
over there and beat the shit out of Kyle, like you did Kenny and Eric."
"Why not?" Shaun asked bitterly. "He got you hurt. He's responsible for what
happened to you."
"No." Jesse said gently in a voice one might use with a crazed animal. "I'm
responsible."
Shaun didn't want to hear that. Kyle was the one who had hurt Jesse. It was
stupid for the redhead to take any sort of blame. "No, you're not." Shaun said
forcefully, taking a step closer and pushing Jesse up against the wall. The
smaller boy looked up into his eyes, calm despite Shaun's continued anger.
"It doesn't matter." He said. "If Kyle goes to the police you'll go to jail for
assault. Kyle told me that Kenny is trying to decide whether or not to go to
the cops but Kyle said if you touch him that he'll convince Kenny to go too."
"Don't let him fucking scare you." Shaun insisted. "That's what he's good at,
manipulation."
"But sometimes you have to give in." Jesse pleaded, grabbing Shaun's forearms
and squeezing. "I'll die if you leave me. I'll fucking kill myself."
Shaun frowned. "I won't go to jail—"
"Why risk it?!" Jesse snapped. "Besides, I punched Kyle on Friday. It was
pretty awesome… That was all the revenge I needed."
Shaun doubted Jesse's judgment of what an 'awesome' punch consisted of. "Was he
bleeding?"
Jesse rolled his eyes. "Yes. I knocked him on his ass."
Shaun smirked. "Good."
Jesse wrapped an arm around Shaun's neck, bringing him down so they were more
even in height. "Believe it or not, I can take care of myself."
"Maybe." Shaun said evasively. "But I still want to wring his fucking throat."
"I know." Jesse leaned in to kiss Shaun's cheek.
"He fucking told everyone that we're…together."
Jesse kissed Shaun's other cheek, his lips lingering on Shaun's skin. Shaun
fought not to shiver at the soft touch. "It doesn't matter. We've only got one
more year of school."
"I'm getting out of here for good when I'm 18, Jess. I'm not going to stick
around for anymore of this bullshit. I'd leave now, but I can't get a place by
myself until I'm legally an adult."
"You won't stay for me?" Jesse asked, for what felt like the millionth time.
"You're coming with me." Shaun said firmly, tired of the other boy's flip-
flopping. "We can be together and I can take care of us."
"But what about Brian?"
Shaun was sure that Jesse's intentions with his brother were good. He knew he
didn't want to leave the little blond toddler behind, so even though Shaun was
sure Jesse would never do it, he suggested: "We can take him with us if you
really want. It'll be hard, the three of us living on our own, but I know that
if we're together we can do it."
Jesse's eyes shone with unshed tears. Shaun's was drawn to the vibrant pools,
unable to look away. "You mean it?"
"Yes." Shaun confirmed simply.
Jesse stood up on his tiptoes and kissed Shaun hard, slipping his tongue inside
Shaun's mouth. Shaun pushed Jesse hard back against the wall and sucked on his
lips and tongue, moaning as Jesse squirmed beneath him and rubbed against his
cock.
"Shaun?!" Ruth shouted from the end of the hall. "I thought you two were going
to clean the kitchen!"
Jesse and Shaun broke apart instantly, Jesse panting and Shaun flushed with
embarrassment.
"I—I—we'll be right there!" Shaun yelled, his voice hoarse. "Christ, Jesse. Why
did you want to wash dishes again? This is fucked up."
Jesse laughed. "It's only nice to offer to clean up when you're the guest."
"I never got that memo, I guess."
"Well, now you know." Jesse said snidely. "Come help me." He ordered.
Ruth gave Shaun and Jesse weird looks as they passed through the living room on
their way back to the kitchen, but Eli winked at them conspiratorially. Shaun
had fought the urge to give Eli the finger.
Jesse immediately resumed washing the dishes, handing Shaun the task of drying
and putting them away. Shaun didn't normally do any house work at all, and
found the whole exercise tiresome and boring. Jesse kept smiling at him though,
encouraging him to continue even though he wanted to throw in the towel.
"Kyle will probably be at school tomorrow." Jesse said when they were almost
done. "Are you going to be ok?"
Shaun shrugged. "I guess." He still wanted to hurt the faggot for messing with
Jesse and for outing them both to the whole school. Getting knocked on his ass
by Jesse wasn't nearly enough to compensate for the pain he had so recklessly
caused.
"Don't even look at him." Jesse suggested. "Just pretend that he doesn't
exist."
Shaun rolled his eyes. "Whatever."
"Hey, you can't be a metal god if you're locked up in jail. No more beating
people up."
"Yeah, ok." Shaun agreed reluctantly. He didn't like it, but maybe just once
he'd let it go. As long as Kyle stayed the hell away from him and Jesse,
everything would be alright.
 
***** Chapter 13 *****
Chapter Thirteen
After finishing the dishes, the boys made their way back to Shaun's room. There
wasn't a whole lot they could do there together, what with the parental units
home and all, but they made due. Being together was thrilling all in itself. It
was nearly 10 by the time Ruth knocked briskly on Shaun's door before throwing
it open. Luckily, both boys knew by now not to do anything illicit while she
was around and they were merely sitting on the floor playing poker with a deck
of cards Shaun had scrounged out of his closet. It might have turned into strip
poker had they possessed any sort of reliable privacy, but it was just the
regular kind.
"I think you should be going home, boy." Ruth said, not unkindly. "Your
mother's probably worried." Jesse was sure Monica wasn't worried, and if she
was, she was more concerned with her missing babysitter than her missing son.
Either way, Jesse wasn't about to overstay his welcome and he tossed his hand
of cards onto the floor. "Walk me out?" He asked Shaun.
"Yeah." The sullen boy agreed, dropping his hand as well. Jesse saw with some
satisfaction that he would have won that particular round had Ruth chosen to
interrupt a few minutes later.
Eli, still sitting on the couch, said good night as Shaun and Jesse passed on
their way outside. The old man was a funny little dude and Jesse wished he had
had such a cool father figure in his life. His own father, even when he'd been
around, had been a poor role model in his life.
"See you at school tomorrow, I guess." Shaun said once they were safely
outside. It was too dark out on Shaun's porch. Apparently, no one had bothered
to put out lighting of any kind and they were left standing in darkness.
"You'd better." Jesse said, stepping closer and wrapping his arms around the
taller boy. "Love you." He whispered, sighing contentedly into the other boy's
embrace.
Shaun grunted, his approximation of 'I love you, too'. Jesse found it charming.
"Bye."
Jesse started the short walk home, glancing back once to see Shaun's faint
figure watching him go.
It felt weird to be without Shaun after a whole weekend of him being almost
constantly around. Jesse still felt him though, in the love bites on his neck,
the bruises on his hips, the ache in his ass.
Jesse was still amazed that he'd given his ass up for fucking. It had been an
unconscious thought, easy as exhaling after a breath. Jesse had wanted to be
closer to Shaun, so he had suggested that Shaun fuck him.
It had been scary and it had hurt, just like he'd told Shaun earlier, but he
now knew that he had nothing to fear from any sort of sex with his beloved.
Shaun had been rough, definitely, but the love and affection he unconsciously
showered on the redhead more than made up for it. Plus, once he got going,
getting fucked was pretty amazing.
Jesse was smiling like a loon when he finally reached his house. All the lights
were on, and Monica's car was in the driveway, things which Jesse chose to take
as a good sign.
Inside, coming from the kitchen, Jesse could hear Monica and the twins talking,
Brian's tiny voice occasionally breaking through as he struggled to be heard.
Jesse smiled at the little blond's determination.
Sam was sitting on the couch though, away from the rest of the family. He was
texting madly on his phone and he had an abandoned looking plate beside him on
the couch with a half-eaten sandwich and a few chip crumbs. Monica liked to
make lunchmeat sandwiches and chips for dinner when she was feeling
particularly lazy or tired. Jesse wasn't surprised to see the meal the night
after Monica's big date.
"Hey." Sam set his phone aside, cautiously greeting Jesse as he came in.
Jesse was surprised by Sam's level of geniality right off the bat, but he tried
not to let it show. "What's up?" Jesse asked, just as cautiously as his
brother. He didn't want to break whatever truce Sam was proposing before he
even knew what had brought it about.
"So, mom has a boyfriend now." Sam said, picking a few chip crumbs off his
plate and licking them off his fingertips. 
"Yeah, so I heard." Jesse said solemnly, unsurprised that their mother's dating
habits were going to be their common ground. "She tried to recruit me for
babysitting on Saturday, but I told her I had other things to do."
"Yeah." Sam nodded. "I got out of here early so I wouldn't have to put up with
it. I felt bad that Lisa and Brian got stuck with the babysitter for the night,
though."
"Hmm." Jesse was sure that Sam's guilt was but a fraction compared to Jesse's,
but he wasn't going to belittle Sam. "Was Mom out all night?"
"Yeah. I got home about 2 am this morning and Mom still wasn't back. I think
she came in around 6 or 7. I was asleep, but when I got up to use the bathroom
around 8, she was asleep in her room."
Jesse frowned. "Did you talk to her at all today?"
"A little. She's been in a really good mood. I guess it went well."
The redhead sighed and nodded at his brother's distressing words. He wondered
when Monica would introduce her new boyfriend to everyone. When she started
bring him around then it would only be a matter of time before they were
talking about getting married and moving in together and changing everyone's
lives irreparably.
It was always the same shit.
"I'm going to bed." Jesse said morosely, heading towards the stairs.
"Good night." Sam called after Jesse, going back to his texting.
Sam was still being civil towards Jesse in the morning. They didn't talk much,
but Sam didn't glare or sneak in disparaging comments like he had been doing
for the past few weeks.
They even shared a grim look when Monica smiled cheerfully all through
breakfast, even when Lissa spit up all over herself and had to be taken
upstairs for a cleaning.
"So, how are things with Shaun?" Sam asked abruptly as they waited outside for
the bus.
Jesse glanced over at his brother, quirking an eyebrow. "You really want to
know?" Ever since Sam had started acting bitchy, they had waited for the bus in
stony silence. It was weird to have the usual silence interrupted by such a
question.
Sam blushed. "Not really. But I've been hanging out with Kyle and he's…"
"Gay?"
"Yeah." Sam's blush intensified, his freckles disappearing into the red flush.
Sam's normally childish and somewhat annoying face was rather charming like
that, red and embarrassed. Jesse got a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach
and he realized that it was fear.
"He isn't like…Kyle doesn't touch you, does he?"
"Jesus Christ! No!" Sam cried, his blush fading immediately. "I'm straight!"
"Yeah, ok, but Kyle tried to get Shaun to fuck him and he was coming on to me
for a while there. And now you're hanging out with him, drinking with him and
who knows what else."
"We get high some times." Sam said proudly. "We're friends though so he doesn't
charge me." Sam's expression hardened as he continued. "But he doesn't fucking
touch me."
"Good." Jesse nodded firmly, glad that his brother wasn't getting molested. He
really didn't want to have to send Shaun after Kyle, not after the trouble he'd
gone through getting Shaun to stand down. That'd be so awkward.
Finally, Jesse spotted the bus coming down the road and he heaved a sigh of
relief. Maybe it was better not talking to Sam.
"He's not so bad, you know." Sam said quickly, his eyes on the bus. "I don't
know what he did to you, but I think Kyle's cool."
"You think his pot's cool." Jesse corrected.
"No. He treats me like what I say matters, like I'm important and not just your
little brother."
Jesse rolled his eyes, wanting to tell Sam exactly what Kyle saw in him, but
the bus stopped in front of them and Sam hurried to get on.
Sighing, Jesse followed his brother and went to his customary seat in the back.
Jesse mulled over his brief conversation with Sam, unable to stop worrying that
the younger boy was being used. He didn't know what he could do to keep Sam
away from Kyle, besides maybe telling Monica what was going on, but even that
plan wasn't foolproof. If Sam defended Kyle, there was a chance that Monica
would believe Sam, and even if she did believe Jesse and she did try to stop
Sam from hanging out with Kyle, there was no way she could enforce it, she was
gone most of the time. And then Sam would go back to hating Jesse's guts and
Jesse wouldn't be able to protect Sam anyway because Sam would be sneaking off
to be with Kyle and Jesse would never know what was going on with him or where
he was at…
Jesse decided that it was probably best to just leave it alone.
"What's up?" Shaun scooted into the seat next to Jesse, startling the redhead.
He hadn't even felt the bus stop. "You look like you're thinking extra hard."
"I am." Jesse stuck his tongue out at his boyfriend, amused by his comment.
"I'm trying to figure out what to do about Kyle and my brother."
"What?"
Jesse nodded towards the front where Sam sat with the two middle school girls
he usually talked to. He was leaning back against the window, listening to them
with a bored look on his face.
"He's been hanging out with Kyle all weekend. He says they're friends now."
Shaun snorted. "Did you tell him Kyle's a fag?"
"Yeah." Jesse wrinkled his nose with distaste. "He already knows and he doesn't
care."
The other boy shook his head. "Little hypocrite. Wasn't he giving you shit for
being with me?"
"Yeah, a bit." Jesse shrugged. "But he's actually acting polite today. And last
night too. I don't know why, but I think something Kyle said to him made him
start talking to me again."
"Fucking bullshit. There's no telling what the bastard said to your brother."
Shaun's expression darkened. "Did you tell him that Kyle'll probably try to
fuck him?"
"I did." Jesse said. "He said that they're just friends and he got kind of
pissed off that I'd even suggest Kyle would want him."
"Kyle's so fucking desperate for cock, he'll probably start asking little kids
for sex."
"That's sick." Jesse frowned.
School was boring as usual. Jesse and Shaun walked to their lockers together as
was their new routine and along the way they came across Kyle, talking to his
clique of friends like he hadn't been in hiding the past week.
"Hey, you two." Kyle called when he spotted Shaun and Jesse walking by, he
waggled his fingers at them in the most flamboyant way possible, smirking at
them.
"That fucking faggot." Shaun growled under his breath. Jesse grabbed Shaun's
arm in a weak attempt to keep him from charging at the blond. Shaun was able to
contain himself however and he merely sent Kyle the darkest, most severe look
Jesse had witnessed from him yet, shrugging Jesse off his arm angrily.
"You watch him, Jesse. He'll get you in any way he can." Shaun warned through
gritted teeth. "And watch your brother. He's friends with the enemy now."
Jesse personally thought Shaun was being a bit dramatic, but he couldn't argue
that Kyle did seem to be out for revenge of some sort. It had been implied
through some of the things he'd said on Friday.
"I think he's going to try to fuck with my brother, at least. There's no way
he'd hang out with a 13-year-old unless he's getting something out of it."
Shaun solemnly nodded his agreement. "I told you he was fucked up. I told you
to stay away from him."
Jesse rolled his eyes. "I know you did. It's not like I had much choice."
Shaun sighed and put his arm around Jesse, which was a strangely affectionate
gesture for Shaun, especially in school of all places.
People were looking at them, but not as intensely as they had last week. They'd
all heard about Kenny and Eric, apparently, and nobody was willing to mess with
them anymore. 
"Let's just get through today." Shaun said wisely. "And if Kyle bothers you,
then we'll figure out what to do about it."
Jesse liked that plan. He especially liked the 'we' aspect of it and the idea
that they would solve each other's problems together.
"Alright. I'll keep an eye on Sam too." Jesse declared, even though he had
already decided that the younger boy would need someone to watch over him. It
was a lot more responsibility than Jesse really wanted, but there was no one
else to do the job.
They had to split up for their separate classes after that, Shaun going to
English and Jesse heading to math. "See you in Chemistry." Shaun said in
parting. He didn't do anything overt, like kissing Jesse goodbye, but he did
brush Jesse's hair out of his eyes, smiling softly with affection. Jesse felt
warm at that smile and he had to resist the urge to jump Shaun right there in
the hall. Somehow, he didn't think his classmates would ignore that move as
well as they had been doing with the other less blatant ones.
The day passed slowly, especially the times that Jesse and Shaun were together.
Jesse was just counting down, waiting anxiously until they could be alone
together. His ass still hurt from their activities over the weekend, but he
wanted Shaun to fuck him again. The warm feeling he'd gotten from having Shaun
inside him and finally getting to hear that Shaun loved him had been worth any
sort of pain. Or at least to Jesse it was, especially when one considered who
Jesse was dating. Jesse had been fully prepared to wait months if not years
before Shaun would admit to having feelings for him, but all it had taken was
Jesse's anal virginity, and really, in the grand scheme of things, that wasn't
much of a sacrifice.
Finally, the end of the day came and Shaun was waiting outside for Jesse after
school let out. They walked down the road towards home leisurely. It was
starting to get warm out, and Shaun was complaining about the sun in his eyes,
but it was only the middle of April.
"What are you going to do when it's summer?" Jesse joked, wondering if Shaun
boarded himself up in his room where it was cool and sun-free and listened to
Slayer. He could totally get behind a summer where he'd be locked up in Shaun's
room for days at a time, especially if there was also pot involved. It sounded
like fucking heaven.
"I hate summer." Shaun said predictably, scowling at the cheerful weather.
Eventually they got back to Shaun's place. Jesse was laughing at Shaun's
repeated complaints about the upcoming heat and unbearable sunshine of the
summer months, finding that his boyfriend was rather funny and charming when he
put in a little effort. Shaun started to lead the way to the garage, but he
stopped suddenly, pulling Jesse up short.
"Do you …you wouldn't mind um…."
"Fucking?" Jesse supplied helpfully.
Shaun blushed that ugly red he was so prone to, though by now, Jesse thought it
was unbearably sweet.
"Do we even have any more lube?"
"A little. We'll have to buy some more."
Jesse nodded. "Do you want to go inside or do it in the garage?"
Shaun frowned as he thought. "There's no way we can do it inside. We'll get
fucking caught. Grandma probably won't come out here though."
"Alright then. Want me to wait?" Shaun nodded his agreement and Jesse went into
the garage to get ready while Shaun ran inside for the lube.
The garage was the same as always. Shaun's guitar and his amp were set up in
their normal places, the shelves full of boxes, the swivel chair and Eli's tool
bench. The latter two were the main points of interest. Jesse had fucked a girl
once in a chair, it had been pretty awesome just sitting back and letting the
chick ride his cock. But they hadn't done in on a chair with wheels. It didn't
seem like a great idea. The tool bench was a better bet and Jesse went over to
start clearing some of the tools out of the way. Eli kept it pretty clean and
after Jesse had moved a canister of nails, a staple gun, a hammer and other
miscellaneous items out of the way, the place was clean enough for him to lie
on.
"Hey." Shaun called out absently as he came into the garage, letting the side
door slam shut behind him. He was fiddling with the lube, not really paying
attention.
"Want to fuck me from behind?" Jesse asked coyly, dropping his pants and trying
out the tool bench, he stretched out on his stomach, his hands coming up to
grip the rough edges of the table. Jesse's ass stuck out, pale and round, much
cuter than anyone probably would have guessed just from looking at the rest of
his skinny body.
"Fuck…" Shaun muttered, his eyes sliding away from the lube and centering on
Jesse's well-presented ass.
"Mmm, that's the idea."
Shaun shuffled closer, his free hand coming up to part Jesse's cheeks. "You're
still all red." The frizzy haired boy licked his lips.
"It'll get better. The more you fuck me the more I'll get used to it,
probably." Shaun nodded at Jesse's wise comment, uncapping the lube and putting
some on his fingers.
As Shaun's thick fingers slid inside his ass, Jesse released a tiny sigh of
pleasure. On some level, he was having a hard time believing that he liked
playing the fag and having a cock up his ass. Jesse wasn't super macho or
anything, but he'd had enough sex in his young life to think he had an idea
about what he did and didn't like. Getting fucked like a girl had firmly been
on the side of 'do not like' since Jesse had fucked his first girlfriend. It
was weird to think that he'd been so wrong. He was still a little embarrassed
having Shaun's scrutiny, anyone's scrutiny at that, focused so intently on his
ass, but it turned him on too. All those times Shaun had grabbed or touched his
ass in the past had been thrilling, almost as much as they had been terrifying,
so maybe Jesse shouldn't have been so surprised that he liked having Shaun
inside him.
"How's that feel?" Shaun asked after a few moments. He was scissoring his
fingers inside, stretching Jesse out patiently. The feeling of it made Jesse a
little embarrassed, but in a good way. Shaun loved him and was taking care of
him and everything was alright. Life, right at this moment, was fucking great.
"I'm ready…fuck me." Jesse replied, pushing his ass up and feeling ridiculously
slutty. He knew that shit was hot though. He'd always liked it when girls asked
to be fucked like that.
"You want my cock?" Shaun asked breathlessly, withdrawing his fingers and
slicking up his cock. "Want my cock up your pretty little hole?"
"Yeah…" Jesse moaned, surprised at how much he did want it. It always hurt
initially, but god did it get good later, once Shaun's cock was hitting his
prostate and Jesse was stretched out enough that the feeling of being filled
was nice instead of a painful burn.
"Slut…" Shaun accused, pressing the tip of his cock to Jesse's asshole. Jesse
groaned in anticipation, pushing himself back onto Shaun's dick. "Beautiful
fucking slut." Shaun hissed as he forced himself inside Jesse's warmth.
Jesse cried out with Shaun's rough entrance. One second he was empty and then
he was full to bursting.  The boy behind him started fucking him hard, right
off the bat. The past two times he'd tried to be gentle, but today Shaun seemed
quite concerned with fucking him into the bench. Jesse pushed his ass back,
whining and groaning as his body was forced to accommodate Shaun's length.
"When this band takes off…" Shaun grunted, his hands gripping Jesse's hips
harshly. "We're gonna leave school and…the only thing I'll do is…fuck you and
play guitar… All day, every fucking day…you'll be my fucking cock whore."
Jesse didn't know if that was supposed to sound appealing or not, but it did.
The idea of them being together all the time, being held and fucked constantly,
sounded frighteningly good. The little redhead didn't know exactly when he'd
started to become a huge fucking fag for Shaun, but he had. The transformation
was complete. He wanted to be Shaun's whore.
The next 10 minutes were a blur of pleasure for Jesse. He cried out as Shaun's
cock started hitting the sweet spot inside him with every thrust.
"Fuck you…you feel too fucking good…Jesse…" Shaun growled before he bent over
the little redhead, forcing him down onto the bench all the way and biting at
Jesse's exposed throat, giving him a massive hickey.
Jesse wailed, loving the feeling of Shaun's teeth digging into his soft skin.
He urged Shaun to fuck him harder, urged him to bite more. By the time Shaun's
hand finally reached around and grabbed Jesse's leaking cock, the redhead was
so turned on that it only took a few strokes until he was spewing his come all
over Shaun's hand.
Shaun made a weird choking sound when Jesse's ass clenched down on his
thrusting dick, and with a few more forceful fucks, he came, painting Jesse's
insides with his hot sperm.
Jesse was left panting on the tool bench as Shaun stumbled backwards and away
from Jesse. He managed to fall onto the swivel chair, looking flushed and
startled, his pants around his knees. His spent cock, wet and beautiful, was
plastered to his thigh.
"That was really good." Jesse said after a moment spent finding his breath. He
stood up gingerly, reaching behind himself to feel his come filled hole. It was
stretched out now, and Jesse's probing fingers hurt a little, but remembering
the oh-so-recent pleasure made Jesse feel warm.
"You always say that." Shaun chuckled darkly, running a hand absently through
his frizzed-out hair. Sex made his hair look even more fuzzy and ridiculous,
and though Jesse would never tell the other boy, he thought Shaun looked
extremely sweet like that.
Jesse pulled his pants up partially and came to sit on Shaun's knees. The other
boy grunted, adjusting himself so that the two of them wouldn't go tumbling to
the floor. "Watch my fucking dick." Shaun warned, but he wrapped his arms
around Jesse right after, pulling him in needily.
"I love you." Jesse said instead, kissing Shaun firmly. "I'll follow you
anywhere."
Shaun stared up at Jesse, clearly overwhelmed. Jesse was sure he'd said too
much, but then Shaun cleared his throat. "Me too." He said simply, but Jesse
could see in the other boy's eyes how very serious he was being. How much he
agreed with Jesse's declaration. Smiling, Jesse kissed Shaun again, allowing
this one to be slow and methodical, letting Shaun lick the inside of his mouth
and suck his tongue in one of those almost nauseatingly deep kisses that he
liked so much. Only it wasn't nauseating, it was perfect.
When they came back to themselves, they both went into the house to clean up.
Jesse spent a few minutes in the bathroom, attempting to wipe up Shaun's load
of come, and Shaun simply changed his clothes in his bedroom. Jesse wished Ruth
wasn't home so that they could take a shower. But Ruth was being her normal
nosy self, eyeing both Jesse and Shaun with suspicion.
Jesse followed Shaun back out to the garage where he watched Shaun practice for
a few more hours. He knew he had to be home for Monica soon, but he didn't want
to leave. Shaun was really very talented; his hands flew over the notes and his
entire body moved along with the music. He was totally obsessed, entrenched in
his songs. It was amazing to watch.
When it was starting to get late, Jesse got up and kissed Shaun goodbye.
"You coming over later, or…?" Jesse gestured to the guitar, indicating that
Shaun could practice for as long as he wanted.
Shaun shrugged. "I should probably keep at it. I'm supposed to meet up with Ben
and Gretchen tomorrow after school."
"Oh yeah." Jesse had forgotten about that. He didn't say anything, but he was
jealous that Shaun was finally going to a practice that Jesse couldn't possibly
attend. Monica had been pretty accommodating when Jesse had asked for a break
from his babysitting duties so he could go to church, but somehow, Jesse didn't
think that Monica would be all that thrilled to pay extra daycare fees so that
Jesse could go listen to Shaun's band. Jesse briefly considered going and just
not telling Monica, because really, the worst thing that could happen would be
Monica kicking him out and Jesse could care less. He could always stay with
Shaun.
But he couldn't do that to Brian, and it was pretty unfair to Lissa as well.
They had done nothing besides need him.
"Alright." Jesse finally said, resigned to his fate. He didn't notice the look
of concern Shaun sent his way. "I'll see you tomorrow morning."
"Yeah." Shaun threw an arm around Jesse and planted a chaste kiss at his
forehead. "See you."
Jesse smiled sadly and nodded.
Back at the house, Sam was waiting impatiently by the front door. He all but
leapt on Jesse when the redhead came in the door.
"Where've you been? With your friend?" He snapped.
Jesse frowned, disappointed, but not surprised to see the end of the reasonable
act Sam had been putting on earlier. "Yeah, so what?" He snapped back.
Instantly, Sam backed down, giving Jesse a sheepish look. "Sorry. I was just
freaking out that you wouldn't be here in time."
"In time?" Jesse quirked an eyebrow at his brother's earnestness. "For what?"
"Uh…" Sam looked away, down at his feet as he started to speak. Jesse could
barely keep from sighing at the predictability of Sam's next request. "Kyle's
coming to pick me up in a little bit. You know, just to hang out." He said
quickly, still not making eye contact. "And I was hoping that I could get a
break from babysitting…just for tonight."
If Sam had been going to see any other friend, though preferably one his own
age and one who didn't have a history of forcefully coming onto boys he found
attractive, Jesse would have readily agreed. He himself took enough time off
from babysitting, and he knew how soul crushing it was being constantly forced
to look after his siblings, but he wanted to make an excuse, any excuse, that
would keep Sam away from Kyle.
There were so many things that could go wrong if Kyle had unrestricted access
to Sam. He could corrupt him in so many ways, ways that wouldn't even require
Kyle laying a hand on the younger boy.
But, like this morning at the bus stop, Jesse realized that alienating his
brother was probably the worst way to keep him safe. So, feeling sick to his
stomach, Jesse reluctantly agreed.
"Just be…careful." Jesse told Sam. The younger boy pumped his fist in a typical
gesture of triumph and grinned ear from ear.
"I'll be careful." Sam said easily, as if his safety hadn't even occurred to
him. "Like I said, Kyle's cool."
Jesse had never gotten that impression from the blond boy. He'd always got a
weird vibe off of him. Now, of course, he knew that Kyle had just been using
him, more or less. He was a little curious about how he was around Sam, but
short of following them and spying, there was no way for him to find out.
About fifteen minutes after Jesse had agreed to cover Sam's babysitting duties,
Kyle showed up, parking his car out in front of the house and waiting outside
for Sam to meet him.
"He doesn't want to piss you off." Sam said smartly as he shoved his feet into
his shoes. He was rushing, clearly eager to get outside to the blond pot
dealer. His enthusiasm made Jesse about a hundred times more nervous than he
had been before. "He's trying to keep the peace."
Jesse sneered. "If he wanted to keep the peace than he shouldn't have told
everyone at school my private business."
Sam's eyes widened slightly and he finished tying his shoes without looking
down. He stood up slowly, his eyes almost level with Jesse's now. Jesse had
always hated how short he was, yet another thing he shared with his little
brother, but it seemed Sam was going to end up being taller than him. Little
brothers aren't wiser than their older counterparts, and they're certainly not
supposed to be taller, or at least not at this age, Jesse thought sourly.
But Sam was trying to be mature about everything all of a sudden, possibly a
side effect of hanging out with an older boy. But whatever the reason, it
pissed Jesse off.
"Everyone makes mistakes you know." Sam said slowly as if this was a concept
Jesse was unaware of. Jesse personally had a lot to regret in his life, and
frankly sometimes he still struggled to live with it. "He told me that he only
did it because he was jealous of you. I guess he likes Shaun too." Sam
shrugged, clearly not seeing how this was possible.
"Is that supposed to make it ok?" Jesse couldn't help himself from asking. If
Sam wanted to be so damn insightful then he could answer.
"No." Sam said, looking towards the door. "But it's better than him doing it
just because he could."
Jesse rolled his eyes, but Sam wasn't paying attention anymore. "I've got to
go." He said. "If mom asks, tell her I'll be back by midnight."
"Oh, being responsible. Huh?" They didn't really have any sort of curfew,
Monica had never been all that strict on them, but the self-imposed restriction
was kind of stupid.
"I'll be back by midnight." Sam said again, giving Jesse a weird look before he
slipped out the door, shutting it firmly behind him.
Soon after, Monica came home with the kids. She didn't ask about Sam and Jesse
didn't volunteer anything.
Jesse wanted to talk to Shaun terribly. He was extremely lonely without his
nasty comments and his weird sense of humor. The twins were much more subdued
without Shaun and Sam around though and they were well behaved for once,
playing quietly on the carpet while they watched one of their movies. Brian
complained about Shaun being missing again and he was sulky, and he took to
following Jesse around most of the night. Lissa was oblivious, of course. She
was used to being handed off from person to person. Jesse set her in her
bouncer chair while he made dinner and she was happy enough.
"How come we can't go see Shaun like last time?" Brian whined as he sat at the
table and watched Jesse making grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. "
"Because I can't leave all the kids here by themselves." Jesse said matter-of-
factly, though that certainly wasn't the only reason. He also didn't want to
disturb Shaun overtly. Shaun always seemed glad to see him and he clearly
didn't mind hanging out with Brian either. But Jesse was starting to feel a
little like a burden, always getting him in trouble, always causing him grief,
always hanging off him when he could have been doing something better or
something important, such as practicing his music. Shaun had said he wanted to
practice tonight and there was no way Jesse was going to mess that up by
bringing half his family to Shaun's garage.
"But he wouldn't mind." Brian protested.
Jesse turned to stare sternly at the little blond, his hand on his hip in a
strangely maternal pose. "We both know that Shaun wouldn't be very happy if we
showed up at his house with the twins."
"I wasn't talking about them. I meant that me and Lissa and you should go over
and see him." Brian retorted lightning fast.
Jesse snorted. "I can't leave those two alone for a second. They'd burn the
house down." He was exaggerating a little, but not by much.
Brian at least gave up on quest to see Shaun and instead muttered to himself as
he drew on the table with a spare crayon he'd picked up somewhere. Jesse might
have made him stop if the table hadn't already been covered in crayon marks.
The rest of the night passed sedately. The twins were a little rowdier once
food was placed in front of them and half way through dinner Jesse had to send
Tyler to his room after he'd stabbed Allison in the eye with the crust of his
grilled cheese, but besides that, everything was calm and peaceful. Fucking
boring as hell.
Monica came home around 10 and helped Jesse put all the kids to bed. She asked
after Sam once it became apparent that the younger boy wasn't around. However,
she didn't seem all that concerned when Jesse told her Sam was out with his 18-
year-old friend and that he wasn't coming home until midnight. She barely even
batted an eye.
Jesse might have been frustrated if he hadn't expected this exact behavior. Her
parenting skills were always the first things to go when she got involved with
a new boyfriend. She stopped being a mom first and foremost and started
specializing in being the girlfriend that any desperate asshole would want.
The redhead went to bed soon after the kids were all put down for the night. He
couldn't sleep though and he lied in bed, stewing about Monica, thinking
uneasily about Sam, and longing for Shaun.
After about an hour of mental torture, Jesse heard a soft knock on his bedroom
door.
"Jesse…" Brian's soft voice called as he snuck into the room. Jesse was glad to
see him, as the unexpected visit broke Jesse's circular thoughts. He climbed
down out of his bunk bed to pluck the little boy up into his arms and he
carried the blond up to the top. Brian immediately curled into Jesse's side and
fell asleep, his breathing soft and even. He seemed to be doing this more often
than not lately, and Brian's lack of security only made him feel worse about
everything.
Despite his uneasiness, Brian's warm body brought him a sense of peace and he
was eventually able to fall asleep, petting the blond's hair gently. Jesse was
fast asleep by the time Sam came home, almost an hour later than he had
promised.
The next day panned out nearly the same as the previous day had. Jesse and Sam
talked tensely at the bus stop until the bus arrived and Jesse got to see
Shaun.
The other boy was excited about going to his second practice that day and
talked about how he'd written more material and how he was a little nervous
about showing it to Gretchen and Ben, but eager too.
Of course, Shaun didn't just say the last part, he'd die before he just came
out and told Jesse that he was unsure of something, but Jesse could tell
everything from his anxious little smirk, like Shaun couldn't hide anything
from him anymore because they were fucking now.
School dragged. Jesse wished that they'd skipped and stayed holed up in his
room. Shaun mentioned briefly after lunch that he wouldn't have time to hang
out and that he'd have to leave for Ben's place almost as soon as he got home.
"You coming with me?" Shaun asked, peeking at Jesse from under his halo of
frizzed out hair. He looked oddly expectant, even though he had to know that
Jesse couldn't come.
"I can't." Jesse said anyway, reminding Shaun. "I've got to babysit."
"I thought your mom had someone to look after them if you were busy?" Shaun
continued, stabbing at his lunch with a plastic spork.
"She won't pay for it unless it's for something important, like I'm going to
church or some shit." Jesse shrugged. "Actually, I'm sure she'd throw a shit
fit now that she's so wrapped up in her new boyfriend."
"What the fuck does that have to do with anything?" Shaun wondered, his tone
belligerent. Jesse imagined Shaun going to see Monica with that tone of voice,
demanding that she let Jesse off the hook so he could come see Shaun's band
practice. He'd stand over her threateningly, intimidating her because he wanted
Jesse with him more than anything.
Jesse just shrugged. "The more involved she gets with this guy, the less of a
mother she is. She doesn't give a shit what I want right now, or what me and
the rest of my family want. She just wants everything to be her way because
then her boyfriend fits into her life more perfectly."
Shaun quirked a bushy eyebrow. "You mom wasn't so bad…when I sort of talked to
her before."
"She's different when there's a guy around. It's like she's got some kind of
mental deficiency thing. She can't function normally when she's got some guy
interested in her."
Shaun frowned, pushing the rest of his lunch away. "Well, I guess there's no
reason for me to spend the night at Ben's. I called and asked last night if we
could crash on his couch again and he said it was cool, but it's pointless
now."
The redhead clenched his fists in lap, abandoning his lunch as well. He wanted
to sleep at Ben's house. He wanted to be alone with Shaun for another night.
But he'd already made the decision to stay. He'd already made the decision to
be there for Brian, the poor kid who had clung to Jesse all night long, lonely
and desperate for affection. And for Sam too, who would probably be getting out
of babysitting duty anyway to hang out with Kyle, but who deserved time off
even if Jesse didn't exactly approve of who he spent it with.
Both boys were in a bad mood the rest of the day. But Shaun still waited for
Jesse's last class to end, sitting outside smoking a cigarette.
"Where'd that come from?" Jesse had only seen Shaun smoke once and he'd never
seen Shaun carrying around any smoker's paraphernalia.
Shaun shrugged disinterestedly. "Got it off some freshman. Stole it actually."
He smiled darkly, flicking off the butt of the cigarette.
"Oh." Jesse wondered what that was supposed to mean. Off a freshman? And why
the smile?
But Shaun didn't divulge anything else. He just stood up and crushed the
cigarette under his boot and led the way towards home.
At Shaun's house, Jesse helped Shaun pack up his shit. He wanted to kiss him
and ask if they could maybe hang out when Shaun got back from practice. He
didn't care what time it was, just that he wanted to be with the sullen boy for
as long as he'd allow it.
Jesse didn't ask though and Shaun didn't have much to say. He did kiss Jesse
though, chastely on the corner of the redhead's mouth. Jesse thought about
insisting on a real kiss, but Shaun was acting so strangely withdrawn that he
figured he probably shouldn't.
"See you tomorrow?" Jesse asked, getting a weird feeling that he was losing
Shaun for no good reason.
"I don't know. Depends on what time I get back." Shaun said sullenly,
stubbornly refusing to meet Jesse's eyes.
"Fine then." Jesse snapped, irritated by Shaun's vague answer. He always had to
tip-toe around Shaun, but the other boy could always do whatever the fuck he
wanted. Jesse was trying to do the right thing, but all Shaun could concentrate
on was that Jesse wasn't doing what he wanted.
Shaun was silent as Jesse stormed off. The redhead had only been annoyed, but
when Shaun did nothing to stop him, Jesse started to get angry.
He held onto that anger on the walk home, mostly so he wouldn't start crying.
Sometimes, Jesse was sure that Shaun wanted to make him miserable. He probably
got off on it, actually.
As soon as Jesse got home, Sam called Kyle. Apparently, Sam lived and breathed
to hang out with the older boy now and he'd just been sitting here and waiting
until Jesse got home. The twins haven't even gotten off the bus yet and he
already wanted to bail.
"So, what's up with you?" Sam asked nosily once he got off the phone with Kyle
"I can't believe your home so early. Did you and Shaun have a fight?"
Jesse wanted to say something nasty. He wanted Sam to fuck off and die
actually. Sam clearly didn't give a shit if Jesse and Shaun had fought. If he
had, maybe his first reaction at seeing Jesse home almost four hours earlier
than usual wouldn't have been to call his new best friend. He only wanted to
sate his curiosity.
But then, on second thought, Sam might be under orders from Kyle to keep tabs
on Jesse's and Shaun's relationship. That was probably it, Jesse thought
darkly. That's why Kyle is being so nice to Sam and why Sam was suddenly being
so nice to Jesse. It was all because Kyle told him to keep an eye on the
redhead and his surly lover.
"No." Jesse said, leaning back on the couch and trying to act like he wasn't
boiling with anger. "He's just meeting up with his band."
"Oh." Maybe Sam wasn't spying for Kyle, that or he was either the world's worst
spy. He took Jesse's words as true immediately and didn't ask anything else.
Kyle showed up about fifteen minutes later, and Sam barely even paused to say
goodbye before he went out to meet the blond druggie. "Be back by 1." He called
out over his shoulder, the self-revised curfew his only concession.
Jesse was bored out of his mind with the kids. He'd never had to babysit so
much in his fucking life. Back in Detroit Monica's sister had been around a lot
to help out. Before this place, they'd always lived around Monica's friends or
relatives, but they were all alone out here. Jesse hadn't really thought about
it, but it was pretty amazing that Monica's dad had died and left them this
house just in time for Jesse to meet Shaun. If he'd died maybe just a few
months later maybe Shaun would have been gone before Jesse could ever have met
him.
Jesse didn't like to think about 'what if's' but this 'what if' was
particularly hard to contemplate. The redhead had only known Shaun for a month
or two and yet Jesse was completely in love with him, like I'm-going-to-spend-
the-rest-of-my-life-with-this-guy kind of love. What if they'd never met
though? Where would Jesse be? What about Shaun?
Of course, Jesse wasn't thrilled about where he was right then. He wished he'd
gone with Shaun, regardless of the consequences, but it was stupid of him to
keep wishing and wishing for shit he wasn't going to get. This was the way
things were. Shaun had been wrangled into starting up a new band and Jesse had
a responsibility to his family, whether or not he liked it.
That night Jesse didn't even attempt to put Brian in his own bed, he just
carried the little blond up to his bunk and laid beside him thinking about all
the bullshit he and Shaun kept putting themselves through.
Sam didn't come home until 1:30 that night. Jesse was still awake when the
younger boy stumbled into their bedroom. Sam was muttering to himself as he
kicked off his shoes and then worked on pulling off his jeans. He stumbled and
seemed to be having a hard time not falling on his ass. Drunk again, Jesse
realized disapprovingly. Finally, Sam's pants were off and he plowed his way
across the room and fell face first onto his bed. He was asleep instantly if
his muffled snores were anything to go by.
In the morning Jesse woke up to silence. This was a rare occurrence on
weekdays. Normally the house was teeming with activity on school days.
Jesse must have slept right through everything and possibly, hopefully, missed
the bus as well. But then Monica popped her head into the room.
"Are you getting up? The bus comes in 10 minutes."
"Huh?" Jesse rubbed his eyes. Monica looked nicer than she usually did in the
mornings. Her hair was curled neatly and she had makeup on. She was wearing a
casual and yet subtly alluring yellow dress with a black vest over it. She
definitely wasn't just going to drop the babies off at daycare.
"Are you sick?"
"Yeah." Jesse said quickly, taking the opening. He didn't want to go to school.
Shaun probably wouldn't be there anyway.
"I'll call you off later then." Monica said with a sigh. "I'm supposed to meet
Cliff for breakfast and I don't have time to do it now."
"Cliff?" Jesse asked because he knew Monica wanted him to.
"My new boyfriend." Monica said, a smile slowly creeping onto her face. "He
offered to take us all out to dinner this weekend, just to get to know
everyone. He's a real great guy, Jess. He loves kids."
"Really? That's great." Jesse said blandly, instantly hating Cliff for trying
to suck up to him. Most guys tried to go that route once when they found out
about all of Monica's kids. Most of them, the smart ones anyway, knew to play
nice. They'd take them places and buy them things, pretending to be completely
harmless, friendly and nice until they got into Monica's pants that was. Then
things almost always changed for the worst.
"Yeah. You're welcome to come along if you want, but I know you probably
won't." Monica frowned faintly from her position in doorway, after a moment of
frowning though, she shrugged and said again that she'd call Jesse off sick
when she had a moment. She shut the door behind her on her way out of the room,
leaving Jesse to his own devices.
The redhead laid back down, listening to the distant sounds Monica, the twins
and the babies made as they went about their morning routines. After about an
hour though, Jesse heard the elementary bus come by, picking the twins up. And
then Monica cleared out with the babies, taking them to daycare before she went
to have breakfast or whatever with her new spectacular boyfriend.
Jesse planned to stay in bed all day. He was depressed without Shaun around
constantly like he'd gotten so used to these past few weeks. It was boring
being alone, and Jesse decided that maybe once it got a little later he'd get
dressed and see if Shaun was home yet.
That plan never came to fruition however as barely 20 minutes after Jesse's mom
had headed out with the babies, someone came and started pounding on the front
door.
Jesse leapt out of bed, pretty sure that there was only one person who would be
knocking like that at this time of day.
"You need to stop skipping school." Shaun said severely when Jesse opened the
door. "I fucking got on the bus for you and you were nowhere in fucking sight
so I had to walk all the way back here."
"Sorry." Jesse said, though he really wasn't. There was no way they were going
to school now and Jesse couldn't find it in himself to regret getting to spend
the morning together, completely fucking alone. "I figured that you'd spend the
night at Ben's place and that you wouldn't be home until later."
"I came home late last night." Shaun said, his eyes narrowing as if he'd
expected Jesse to know this. "I told you there was no point in staying without
you."
Jesse smiled faintly. He'd figured Shaun was just being sulky when he'd said
that. He hadn't realized that Shaun had been serious.
Shaun pushed his way into Jesse's house, giving the redhead a weird look when
Jesse continued to smile up at him. Frankly, Jesse was too busy just staring up
at the other boy to worry about doing anything else.
"I brought weed." Shaun said slowly, pulling a baggie of the stuff out of his
back pocket. "You want to get high, right?"
Jesse nodded, coming to stand right in front of the taller boy. He wrapped his
arms around Shaun's waist and buried his face against his chest. "Come lay down
with me." He said softly, hoping that Shaun wouldn't push him away. Getting
high had somewhere along the line become pretty insignificant.
For a few weeks there, smoking had been about one of the only things they did
together. But then again, Jesse had liked getting high with Shaun around
because then he had the excuse to be affectionate with him. He hadn't
understood why he'd felt the need to be so friendly with the other boy, but now
it all made sense.
Shaun nodded at Jesse's suggestion and even put his arm around him as Jesse led
them upstairs. Shaun undressed when Jesse took off his pajama pants, seemingly
unbothered with the prospect of being naked in Jesse's bed. They'd certainly
come a long way.
"How was it last night?" Jesse asked cursorily once they were naked in bed
together. Shaun was staring at him with his severe, dark eyes, making what
should have been easy unnecessarily difficult. Jesse just wanted to fall into
bed with the other boy and fuck until all their disagreements and
misunderstandings were forgotten, but Shaun was looking at him like he wanted
something.
"Fine." Shaun said finally, reaching out slightly to touch a dark pink mark
that Shaun must have put on his throat the other day. He continued to stare at
it as he spoke. "I'm going back tomorrow night and I'll be there on Friday and
Saturday too."
"Oh." Jesse was glad that Shaun was at least getting something done and
apparently doing well with his songs, but he was slightly jealous too.
It was stupid to be jealous. Jesse had pushed Shaun into doing this. It wasn't
fair for him to get all bent out of shape now.
"You can come on Friday, right?" Shaun asked briskly as if he were fully
expecting the redhead to refuse. "You're not busy on the weekends."
Jesse honestly hadn't thought he'd been invited. Well, Ben had been ok with
Jesse coming over yesterday night, but with the band getting better, Jesse had
thought that maybe it'd be better if he weren't hanging around, bugging
everyone and causing fights without even meaning to.
"Yeah. I can come." Jesse said, instantly feeling a tad more cheerful with that
out of the way. Shaun smiled too, raising his eyes to meet Jesse's again. They
were warm and open, trusting Jesse completely.
The redhead moved in then, kissing Shaun softly. The other boy responded,
arching against Jesse a little desperately.
Shaun's naked body felt so good pressed against Jesse's and as the kiss went on
the redhead became nearly incoherent with need. He ran his hands up Shaun's
side sliding them around to grab the other boy's ass.
"Whoa." Shaun gasped as Jesse used Shaun's ass to push their cocks together.
"Mmm, Jess…watch it."
"But you've got such a…" Jesse paused to lick his lips, laughing a little
breathlessly. "Your ass is so cute."
Shaun slapped Jesse's hand away and rolled so he was on top of the redhead,
rubbing his hard cock against Jesse's.
"Fuck you. There's nothing about me that's cute."
Jesse moaned, gripping Shaun's bicep as the other boy started to move against
him. It was surprisingly good to have his bare cock rubbing against Shaun's.
"Fine…then you're sexy."
"Am not." Shaun grunted, doing an interesting little roll with his hips that
forced a gasp from the redhead. Shaun's length felt hot and thick and
tantalizing in a way that a hand could not and Jesse was getting more and more
turned on, especially with Shaun looming over him.
"Oh…god." Jesse panted. Shaun moved to lean on his elbow, leaving one hand free
to slide between them and smash their cocks together in his fist.
"Little slut." Shaun crooned affectionately before he returned to kissing
Jesse's open mouth. He slid his tongue between the redhead's lips, caressing
his tongue.
It was hot and messy and fast. Shaun kissed Jesse until the redhead's moaning
picked up and he started to whimper. "Shaun!" He exclaimed as he came. Shaun
pulled back slightly, attaching his mouth to Jesse's throat and sucking. His
fist continued to mash his cock against Jesse's spurting one and it was a
little uncomfortable for the redhead but Shaun came only a moment afterwards,
biting down hard on Jesse's throat.
Shaun passed out on top of Jesse, moving his hand out from between their bodies
and hugging Jesse around the middle instead. He buried his face in the space
between the redhead's shoulder and neck and started to breathe deep and even.
Jesse smiled, feeling sated and warm. He wished they could do this every day.
Things were so much better when the only thing they had to worry about was when
and how they were going to fuck. They had way too many disagreements, but
lately none of them had been over this. This was simple. This was right.
The redhead fell asleep with Shaun draped on top of him. When he woke up,
feeling much more refreshed than he had earlier, Shaun had rolled to the side,
though most of his body was still plastered to Jesse's. One of his arms and his
leg were thrown over Jesse, clinging to him possessively in his sleep.
In the distance Jesse could hear the ominous rumbling of thunder and he was
doubly glad that he was warm and safe inside.
Jesse stroked Shaun's hair until the other boy woke up. They talked quietly for
a while, touching each other languidly. Eventually the touching led to kissing
and rubbing their interested cocks against any part of themselves they could
reach. The redhead didn't mind coming from Shaun's hand again, but Shaun kept
grabbing Jesse's ass, his fingers seeking out Jesse's hole, so the redhead took
a short trip to his mother's bedroom to hunt for her bottle of lotion while he
instructed Shaun to spread out the blankets on the floor. There was no way they
would have enough room to fuck in Jesse's bunk bed, but there was also no way
he was going to do it on Sam's bed, so the floor was the best bet.
Jesse was starting to get used to being fucked by now and he kneeled on his
hands and knees while Shaun fucked him with lotion for lube. Shaun's fingers
dug into Jesse's hips and their skin made slapping sounds as Shaun drove his
hips into Jesse's ass. The redhead couldn't help himself and now that he was
allowed to be loud he screamed every time Shaun's trusting cock hit his
prostate.
"Fuck…Jesse…fuck!" Shaun howled as he came, grabbing a handful of Jesse's ass
and squeezing painfully.
Jesse jerked, pushing himself back onto Shaun's cock and spraying the blankets
with his seed. Shaun collapsed on top of Jesse for the second time that day,
kissing the back of Jesse's neck and breathing heavily. Jesse still couldn't
believe how much he liked this. Being gay wasn't nearly as daunting as he'd
pictured it would be that day Shaun had kissed him for the first time. He
hadn't wanted to have anal sex and give blow jobs, but those things were slowly
starting to become second nature to him now. They felt good, just as good as
straight sex had felt, though this kind of fucking, with Shaun filling him and
claiming him with his come and his bite marks, was so much more fulfilling than
any of his previous experiences.
Jesse squirmed until Shaun's cock fell out of his ass. He turned around,
pushing Shaun back so he could lean against Sam's bed. Jesse crawled into the
bigger boy's lap, kissing him happily.
"We should just get out of school now." Shaun said slowly, his eyes half lidded
as if he were ready to go back to sleep. "This is so much fucking better than
going to class."
"Well, of course it is." Jesse said wisely. "But that doesn't mean you drop out
of school because you like fucking better."
"Why not? I think I might actually have something with his new band." Shaun
said. "Gretchen was saying last night how she was going to try talking to her
friend about getting us a gig."
"What?" Jesse frowned. "So soon? You guys just started practicing."
Shaun nodded. "We don't have to be perfect to get a gig. We just have to be
good. We've gotta make people like us and if we're going to be in this battle
of the bands thing—"
"You're really going to do that?"
Shaun shrugged indecisively. "I guess. It's not like we have anything to lose
by trying to get in. But we have to start getting a few fans now before the
competition starts."
"You don't even have a name yet." Jesse pointed out. "What are you going to
call yourselves?"
Shaun stared at Jesse for a moment, his dark eyes calculating. "Defaced." He
said after a pause.
"Where'd that come from?"
Shaun shrugged self-consciously. "I like it."
Jesse nodded, proud of the other boy for not only writing all the songs but for
also taking it upon himself to name the band.
The rest of the day passed extremely lazily. They fucked around a little more,
just enjoying being in each other's presence, without adults or kids or band
mates around to mess things up. They eventually got cleaned up and Jesse made
them lunch. It wasn't anything special, just some cold cut sandwiches and
chips. Jesse would have to make dinner for the kids again that night, so he
didn't really want to put a whole lot of effort into something he was going to
have to do twice.
After they finished lunch, they curled up on the couch together, watching a
black and white western Shaun picked out.
Right at the tail end of the movie, Sam came home.
"Hey." Sam called, barely looking surprised to see Jesse and Shaun cuddling on
the couch. Shaun's arm tensed around Jesse's shoulders but he didn't remove it.
He seemed somewhat belligerent as he continued to hold onto the redhead.
"How was school?" Jesse asked for lack of anything better to say. It felt kind
of surreal to be cuddling so blatantly with his boyfriend while he asked his
little brother how school had gone.
"Eh, you know. It was fucking boring." Sam said, pausing partway through to
yawn. "I'm going to take a nap before Kyle comes to pick me up."
Beside him, Shaun tensed further but luckily, he didn't say anything.
"When's he coming?" Jesse asked, planning to wake Sam up before the blond got
here. He didn't want to talk to Kyle and Jesse especially didn't want Shaun
talking to him either.
"Two hours or so." Sam shrugged. "Don't worry, I have my phone on. He'll call
me when he gets here."
"Alright." Jesse agreed helplessly, watching a smile spread across Sam's face
before the younger boy bounded up the stairs, looking anything but tired.
"So, what? Is Kyle hanging around here? Are you two buddies again?" Shaun asked
as soon as Sam was out of earshot.
"No." Jesse rolled his eyes. "Kyle comes and picks Sam up and they stay out
until almost 1 in the morning. I never see him."
"Fucking bullshit." Shaun complained, staring determinedly at the TV.
There was a lot of that the rest of the night. Determination. Shaun and Jesse
seemed determined not to piss each other off anymore and as a result they ended
up tip-toeing around each other. Shaun stayed with Jesse the rest of the night
and helped him take care of the kids, a mundane job even after they hid in the
kitchen and smoked some of Shaun's pot. After Sam left with Kyle, they were
left alone with the twins, who were little monsters like usual. Shaun
resolutely ignored them.
Later when Monica came home with the babies, Brian was over the moon to see
Shaun again and the normally brooding, withdrawn boy seemed to perk up at the
little blond's affection. Brian was stuck to the older boy's hip from the
moment Monica brought him in, jabbering away a mile a minute. Feeling a little
jealous, Jesse was torn between wanting to rip Brian off Shaun and also being
happy to see them both in such good moods.
And Brian kept asking Shaun, constantly, when he'd be back and dropping little
hints that all added up to how much Brian wanted the older boy to come back and
see him as soon as possible.
"No, kid. I can't come over tomorrow." Shaun said, oddly patient as he answered
the same question for the fifth time. "I've got band practice, remember?"
"I want to come." Brian pouted. He leaned his entire body against Shaun's,
clearly wanting to just go all out and climb into the bigger boy's lap but
holding back for some reason. Shaun snorted and ruffled the toddler's hair.
"Band practice isn't a place for kids." He said affectionately.
Monica came home later than usual, but in trying to be a good boyfriend, Shaun
stayed with Jesse until she popped up. He even grudgingly helped Jesse put the
twins to bed, a process which was unpleasant for both the twins and for the
older boys.
After a lot of screaming and five-year-old curses, the twins reluctantly got in
bed. Jesse moved on then to the babies, carrying Lissa upstairs to change her
diaper and put her into her sleep clothes before settling her down for the
night. Shaun held Brian awkwardly on his hip, standing in the doorway as he
watched Jesse change Lissa. The toddler was drowsy and he kept falling asleep
but he insisted on staying up with the big kids. Brian was nodding off again,
burying his head against Shaun's chest and groaning softly.
Jesse felt a lot of his jealousy for the attention-grabbing toddler fade as he
watched Shaun's arms tighten slightly around Brian's tiny figure. The bigger
boy's lips brushed against the blond's forehead in a sweet and very tender
movement, so uncharacteristic of the other boy that the redhead found himself
profoundly moved.
Shaun glanced up, noticing Jesse's scrutiny. He blushed and quickly changed the
subject, his voice rough but quiet. "Your good at that."
"At changing diapers?"
"Yeah." Shaun shifted Brian to a more comfortable position, coming further into
the room and looking down at Lissa.
The youngest member of Jesse's family was squirming on the changing table,
grabbing her feet and smiling. She was sleepy too but she patiently awaited the
finishing touches on her diaper change, the powder on her butt and Jesse's
customary kiss, right on her belly button. Lissa laughed as Jesse did up her
diaper and then started pulling her into her sleeper.
"You must have a lot of practice." Shaun pointed out.
Smirking, Jesse nodded at the assessment. "More than you can imagine."
Lissa was put in her crib with the mobile spinning above her. She didn't react
when the lights the lights were dimmed. She was probably fast asleep already.
Of course, just when they were relatively alone for the first time in quite a
few hours, Monica chose now to come home. The noise of her coming in woke Brian
up and he raised his head irritably to look down the stairs, the 3-year-old
pout frozen on his sweet face.
"Shit." Shaun commented lightly. "I better go."
"Yeah." Jesse didn't really want the night to end, but that was just par for
the course. He never wanted Shaun to leave. "See you tomorrow."
Shaun leaned in, bestowing a soft and chaste kiss on Jesse before depositing
Brian into the redhead's arms. Brian protested slightly but he clung to Jesse
all the same, wrapping his little arms around his neck.
"Bye." Jesse called as Shaun went downstairs. He listened for the sound of
conversation as Shaun passed Monica in the living room but there was nothing.
"Hey." Jesse said instead, bouncing the sleepy toddler to get his attention.
"How about we get you ready for bed?"
Brian groaned. "I don't want to go to sleep."
"Well, I'm exhausted." Jesse admitted. "Want to sleep in my room again?" Brian
nodded, resting his head on Jesse's chest the way he had been doing with Shaun
earlier. Jesse kissed his hair.
In the babies' room, Jesse quietly dressed Brian in his pajamas, keeping the
noise down so as not to wake Lissa.
"Where's your brother?" Monica popped her head in to ask, automatically
lowering her voice.
"Sam? He's supposed to be back by 1 or something." Jesse shrugged, trying not
to be bitter at the little bit of concern Monica was showing. She chose now to
get worried? It was nearly midnight.
But maybe Jesse had given his distracted mother too much credit, because she
didn't sound particularly concerned any longer. She just nodded, as if it were
completely normal for a 13-year-old to stay out to 1 in the morning. And on a
school night!
"Are you going to be home on Friday? Cliff wants to take me out again, to some
nice restaurant about an hour away."
Jesse's head snapped around, glowering at Monica standing in the doorway,
silhouetted in the light from the hall. "No." He said. "I'm leaving Friday and
I won't be back until Sunday."
The redhead could just see Monica's expression in the dim light and he watched
as her lips pursed with annoyance. "What are you up to on these weekend long
trips?" She asked. "Are you still seeing that girl?"
"Girl?" Jesse had to think for a second before he realized that Monica was
talking about Emily. The redhead shrugged, not wanting to admit that they had
broken up before they'd really even begun. Jesse knew Monica wouldn't be happy
thinking Jesse was going out all weekend with a girl, but he knew she'd be even
angrier if she knew what he was really doing.
"You need to be careful." She said, her voice deathly quiet and serious. Jesse
finished putting on Brian's sleep clothes and picked him up, balancing him on
his hip. The toddler was mostly asleep and he flopped bonelessly in Jesse's
arms. Monica's eyes flashed to Brian. "You know what happens if you aren't."
"I'm careful." Jesse said harshly.
"Fine." Monica said with finality, moving out of the doorway and disappearing.
Attempting to smother his pang of anger, Jesse carried Brian to his room.
Monica was such a stupid bitch. She was the one who was always messing up and
not being careful. She was the one who had more kids than she knew what to do
with but yet was still obsessed with finding a man. The only thing she found,
however, was more dicks to ride and more babies to squirt out.
And who was the careless one?
Brian woke up when Jesse moved him to the top bunk. He sat up and watched Jesse
get ready for bed, watching the redhead mutter angrily to himself.
When Jesse finally joined the smaller boy in his bed, Brian curled into Jesse's
side immediately.
"I don't want to live here anymore." Brian said suddenly, his voice barely
coherent. "I want to live with you and Shaun."
"I want that too." Jesse said, remembering how Shaun had promised to bring both
Jesse and Brian along with him once he got more organized with his band. Shaun
had also promised to take care of them, something which Jesse had never
expected to hear. Being taken care of was kind of a girlish though. Only young
and immature girls wanted to hear lines like that, but Jesse had liked it. He'd
liked the way it made him feel, being assured by his lover that everything
would be alright.
"When?" Brian asked, his voice already starting to taper off into sleep. He was
way too young to be staying up this late.
"I don't know. Soon maybe." Summer was coming up and that meant Shaun would
have a lot more time on his hands, time to be with his band and time to spend
with Jesse. Maybe if Shaun started getting paid they could even get a place
together.
Brian didn't answer and Jesse knew then that it was because Brian was fast
asleep. The little boy hated the word 'soon' and had he been awake he would
have protested it immediately.
Jesse sighed and ran his fingers through the younger boy's hair. He stared up
at the ceiling, day dreaming about escaping his boring life with Shaun. For the
first time in his life, he was starting to think that maybe, no matter what
happened, he would be alright as long as he had Shaun.
The next day was a repeat of Tuesday, though Shaun already knew Jesse couldn't
tag along for practice. They did have time for Jesse to get on his knees in the
garage and suck Shaun's cock. Jesse jerked himself off impatiently, bobbing his
head over Shaun's lap.
It felt like he was saying sorry, giving an apology for not being able to shirk
his responsibilities. Shaun was more than amendable however.
"See you tomorrow." Shaun said after they had both finished. He cupped Jesse's
face between his hands and kissed Jesse's come flavored mouth. Jesse was really
starting to hate that phrase, 'see you tomorrow' but he returned the kiss
enthusiastically, loving the way Shaun's hair had gotten so frizzed out by the
blow job, and the way his sallow complexion was filled with a healthy blush.
"Love you." Jesse replied shyly.
On Friday, Monica grudgingly paid for the extended babysitter service and
called the parents of the twins' new friend, asking them if they could stay
over. Jesse honestly didn't know who these people were that were so keen to
take the twins off Monica's hands for the night. He didn't ask either.
Sam, of course, took advantage of the kid's free day and he didn't even bother
to come home, getting picked up straight from school by Kyle. 
Jesse was a little worried about how split up his family had become. The babies
were off at daycare from 10 in the morning till 10 at night, the twins were
being taken care of by the parent of a mysterious new friend, and Sam was off
with a druggie, getting drunk and high. It really wasn't a good situation for
any of them.
The redhead tried unsuccessfully to forget about everything, chatting nervously
the entire way to Ben's house in a self-applied distraction. Shaun listened
though, staring straight ahead as he drove Eli's car, smiling faintly.
Jesse started to forget his woes when they got to Ben's place and he was handed
a beer. Jesse was able to relax even more so when he finally got to see the
fruits of Shaun's labor.
The band was already developing a solid sound and they already had the workings
of several songs. Jesse wasn't a huge metal head, but even he was getting
excited listening to the stuff Shaun was whipping up and forcing his talented
fingers to produce.
And of course, Shaun's singing was untrained, though it was raw and focused,
passionate in a way Jesse had never heard before. He could see it in Shaun's
eyes. He had the spark, he had the gift that was going to take him places and
the thing was, Shaun was good enough to inspire the same spark inside both Ben
and Gretchen, making their playing better and more impressive when paired with
Shaun's guitar and his vocals.
Besides listening to Shaun's awesome band, Jesse spent the entire weekend
getting drunk and high and getting fucked by Shaun whenever they were left
alone. Ben had apparently worked out the problems of last week with his fiancé
and there was no question whether or not Jesse and Shaun were allowed to stay
in the basement.
Gretchen took them out for beers on both Friday and Saturday, where the three
of them got plastered but were smart enough to bring their own car so that they
could drive back, slowly and very illegally, once they'd had enough. Gretchen
showed up every afternoon from Friday to Sunday, ready to practice, but she
usually went home with a new guy every night. Jesse thought Gretchen's
promiscuity was absolutely fascinating.
Shaun didn't like it. He kept muttering about Gretchen's slutty habits as he,
Jesse and Ben watched her lay the moves on some random man, but once Jesse
pointed out that her casual lays kept her from crashing in the basement, Shaun
seemed to give up his unfavorable attitude towards her a little.
Honestly, Jesse wouldn't have minded getting plowed while Gretchen watched, it
was kind of a turn on actually, voyeurism had always been something the redhead
was secretly interested in. But Jesse knew Shaun wouldn't go with it.
On Sunday morning, Ben had to go to another brunch thing with his fiancé early
in the morning. He'd explained all the details the night before when they'd all
been getting drunk in the back of some grungy bar. Talking about how boring
brunches were; especially now when everyone invited had something to do with
the upcoming wedding.
"And we just sit there, drinking tea and eating these pastries with jam and
talking about every little excruciating detail. I just want to get fucking
married, I don't want to talk about it anymore." Jesse remembered Ben saying,
looking hectic and drunk. Jesse had patted Ben's shoulder sympathetically while
Gretchen made odd noises of pity.
Either way, Ben had somehow convinced Angela that leaving Jesse and Shaun alone
in the basement while they went out for brunch wasn't a terrible idea and the
two boys were left completely alone in the house.
"Just don't trash the house or anything." Ben had warned lightly the previous
night, when they were all stumbling inside, Ben heading upstairs to his fiancé
and Shaun and Jesse going towards the basement where their favorite pull-out
bed and a brand-new bottle of KY jelly awaited them.
Jesse and Shaun were more concerned with getting off, first by just rubbing
each other to completion in a sleepy stupor and then by Jesse climbing into
Shaun's lap and bouncing on the bigger boy's cock. They didn't even manage to
go upstairs. There were enough leftovers from the night before, almost an
entire box of cold fried chicken and a small mountain of greasy French fries,
to keep them sated.
Eventually they got cleaned up, just in time for Ben to come home. Gretchen
popped up a few hours later and the three of them started practicing again.
After three solid days of practice they had almost an entire set list of
finished songs. Jesse was proud of his sullen lover, trying to imagine him up
on some stage, with a crowd of fans cheering him on. They'd all want Shaun, but
none of them could have him. Jesse was the only one who knew Shaun, he was the
only one who could really and truly love him, because nobody else had ever
given a shit about Shaun when he was at his worst. Jesse would love him for
always, even if he never got famous, and the two of them ended up living in a
trailer together, working shitty jobs just to pay the bills. In fact, that
scenario might make Jesse love the brooding boy even more.
They stopped practicing after a couple hours. Ben apparently had some paper
work to get done before he went to work the next day and Gretchen muttered
something about checking on her cats at home. Jesse didn't really want to go
home, but the weekend had been a good one and he was glad to end it on a high
note. Plus, after three days he was in desperate need of a shower and a change
of clothes.
"Let's get some weed first." Shaun said as they walked out to Eli's car.
He drove them around the block to a nice, if slightly smaller house than the
one Ben lived in. This one had dead looking grass and a truck with an oil spot
under it in the driveway, as well as a few yellowing newspapers pushed up
against the front door.
Shaun got out and headed towards the house determinedly, Jesse following just
because Shaun hadn't told him not to.
A girl came to the door. She was probably only a few years older than Shaun and
Jesse, and she was a complete mess. Her hair and makeup was disheveled and
disorderly and she was wearing a pair of pink panties and a stained undershirt.
She was pretty though, and she smiled when as she opened the door.
"Need something?" She asked.
"Yeah, give me a couple grams." Shaun answered, covertly showing the girl a
couple twenties. The girl's smile widened and she disappeared back inside,
leaving the door gaping open.
"She looks like a hooker." Jesse whispered to Shaun, staring after the girl.
Her ass was pretty spectacular.
Shaun shrugged, apparently having no comment.
The girl brought back a baggie of weed with their vaguely requested amount.
Shaun and the girl exchanged money for weed smoothly and the girl smiled
delightedly.
"Have a great day." She said, closing the door.
"That was pretty much the last of my money." Shaun admitted as they walked back
to the car. He stuffed the baggie in his back pocket.
"Really?"
"Yeah." Shaun got into the driver's seat and waited patiently for Jesse to join
him. He put his arm around the redhead automatically. "I wasn't getting paid
much in Will's band, but it was something at least. I've got no money coming in
now."
"Gretchen sounded pretty serious about that guy she was talking about last
night." Jesse pointed out. Gretchen had mentioned something about her friend
who owned a club out where she lived. It was the second time she'd brought it
up, but it seemed more concrete now that they were almost finished with their
set list.
"Yeah. Might get a decent payment too if we played for more than just a roomful
of drunk rednecks."
Jesse laughed and laid his head on Shaun's shoulder.
When they got back it was only 7 pm. "What do you want to do?" Jesse asked as
they cruised through town. Their houses were only a few minutes away and Jesse
suddenly felt like he didn't have enough time. The weekend had been so long, so
insanely perfect and Jesse had a feeling that Shaun had been trying to forget
that they had school and more bullshit responsibilities awaiting them when the
weekend was over, just like Jesse had been. Now everything was rushing back.
Jesse remembered how Ben had scheduled band practice for Tuesday and Wednesday
night and how Jesse's gut had clenched when he pictured himself sitting around
his fucking house, bored out of his mind, babysitting the kids when he could be
with Shaun instead.
"I've gotta get a fucking shower." Shaun said and Jesse's heart dropped, even
though it was true. They'd both smelled a little ripe this morning, after a
whole weekend of skipping showers. Hell, they hadn't even bothered to brush
their teeth!
"Your grandma wouldn't mind if I just waited for you in your room?"
Shaun rolled his eyes. "Jess, don't you want to get cleaned up too? I'll come
see you later if you want, but I don't want my grandma poking around and being
her normal nosey self while I'm not there with you."
Jesse didn't know what that was supposed to mean. Did he think Jesse would
spill all their torrid secrets the second Shaun wasn't around to stop him? And
even if he did have such an inclination, what made Shaun think that Jesse would
want to spill anything to Ruth of all people?
But Shaun's mind was made up and Jesse knew he was just being stupid. The
redhead's life was quite depressing as of late, and the only way he'd found to
escape was with the person sitting beside him. It made sense from a
psychological angle, Jesse was clinging to the only bit of joy he'd gotten from
this horrible small town. But Jesse knew that it was probably fucked up how
much he depended on him. How much he needed him.
Shaun drove Jesse back to his house first, pulling partway in to the drive.
"Whose car is that?" Shaun asked, instantly suspicious. They had both spotted
the new car at the same instant. The shiny blue Chrysler looked odd next to
Monica's beat up van.
"Oh shit." Jesse muttered. "That must be mom's boyfriend."
Shaun grunted, looking slightly pissed off. "Want me to come in with you?" He
asked.
Jesse rolled his eyes. "I thought you wanted to clean up?"
"Fuck you, Jesse. I'm just trying to be nice." Shaun threw the car into park
and waited impatiently for Jesse to get out.
The redhead sighed, wishing he could take back his annoyed reaction. Instead he
pulled away from Shaun. "I might need to get out of here, mind if I come over
in a little bit?"
"No." Shaun said, his jaw tight. "We've got weed to smoke."
Jesse smiled, getting more support out of Shaun's simple statement than if
Shaun would have come in to meet Monica's newest boy toy with him.
"Ok. See you in a while." Jesse got out of the car and ran up to his front
porch. He sighed when he heard Shaun pull away behind him, but the promise of
more time alone later lifted his spirits.
A clean-cut man was sitting on the couch when Jesse came in. The twins were on
the floor playing with toys the redhead had never seen before. Brian sat beside
the man, as far away from him as he could be, going so far as to flatten his
little body against the arm rest. He was wearing a frown and holding onto a
large stuffed tiger that Jesse also thought was new. Lissa was perched in the
man's lap.
"Jesse!" Brian jumped up, dropping his stuffed animal. His eyes were bright as
he rushed to Jesse's side, hugging him around the waist enthusiastically. "Is
Shaun here?"
"Nope." Jesse answered absently, his attention firmly on the man who had turned
around at Jesse's entrance. He appeared to be a little older than Monica, in
his late 40's presumably. He had tidy black hair and dark serious eyes. Jesse
was embarrassed to find himself assessing the man's attractiveness, though he
was nothing like Shaun. This man was impeccably groomed and everything from his
hair to the fussy outfit he had on was perfect.
"Jesse, your home." Monica called, coming in from the kitchen. She smiled
tightly.
She looked nice as well; her hair was done and her face was dolled up. She was
wearing another pretty dress, this time with heels that really showed off her
legs.
"So, this is your oldest?" The man, Cliff, asked, standing up and casually
smoothing nonexistent wrinkles out of his Dockers. He held onto Lissa like he
actually knew what he was doing. The little girl smacked her gums and smiled.
"Yeah." Jesse answered before Monica could. "I'm Jesse." He introduced himself
needlessly.
Cliff came forward, holding out his hand. Jesse took it awkwardly and shook,
trying not to think about how smooth his hand was and how unnatural it felt.
"Cliff Newman."
Monica came up behind Cliff, smiling proudly, though who she was proud of was a
mystery. She put her hand on Cliff's waist.
"It's a shame you didn't come home earlier, Jesse. I took everyone out for
dinner." Cliff said somewhat condescendingly. "We brought you home something to
eat anyway."
"I already ate." Jesse said quickly and he had. Ben and Shaun had paid for
Chinese to be delivered. Apparently, the delivery guy had driven over 20
minutes to bring them their food, and Ben and Shaun had been forced to give the
man a pretty large tip.
"Well, you can eat it later." Monica snapped, glaring at Jesse as if he had
said something particularly rude. "We brought something home for Sam, too. He's
been gone most of the weekend as well."
Jesse had expected as much, but he wasn't pleased to hear it. Whenever he let
himself think too hard over the weekend he'd pictured Sam getting raped by
Kyle, the drug dealer's pent up lust and vengeance devastating the younger boy.
It wasn't a pretty picture.
The redhead didn't really know what to say though and he was already feeling
claustrophobic with both Monica and Cliff staring at him, so he excused himself
and went upstairs to the bathroom.
"Where are you going?" Brian asked, fumbling as he hurried to climb the stairs
behind Jesse.
"Taking a shower." Jesse said, pausing as he waited for the little blond to get
safely up to the landing. Then he went into his room and picked out a clean
outfit.
"I don't like it down there. I don't like Mommy's boyfriend."
"Why not?" Jesse asked, taking his bundle of clothes into the bathroom and
placing them on the sink. He started undressing slowly, not wanting to strip
off completely in front of the little boy but wanting to hurry all the same.
Once he got down to his underwear he decided to just brush his teeth while he
waited for Brian to get everything out.
"He's too nice." Brian said, seemingly struggling with what exactly it was
about Cliff that he didn't like. "And he keeps trying to pick me up. I'm not a
baby! I can walk!"
Jesse snorted, pulling his tooth brush out of his mouth to answer. "You don't
mind when I carry you around. Or when Shaun does."
Brian pouted as his argument was destroyed. "He smells funny, too." He
concluded.
Jesse laughed. "That's just aftershave." He said, sticking his brush back into
his mouth and hurriedly finishing the task.
Kissing Shaun with horrid morning breath was surprisingly sexy. It didn't taste
good, of course, but just the fact that they were intimate enough to share
something like that and not get grossed out really said something. Jesse was
already getting tired of comparing his ex-girlfriends to Shaun, but the one
time he'd spent the night with his last girlfriend, she had pushed him away in
the morning, saying he'd tasted bad. Jesse hadn't even known he'd been bothered
by her assessment until Shaun had rolled on top of him this morning and slowly
devoured his mouth.
"Ok, Brian. I need a little privacy here." Jesse said once his teeth were
clean. "You can wait in the hall if you want, this won't take long." The only
time washing took more than 10 minutes was when Jesse had to stop to masturbate
right in the middle. But that wouldn't be happening today. Jesse's cock was
happily sated after the sex soaked weekend.
Brian sighed and went to wait sit out in the hallway by the bathroom door.
Jesse shut the door almost all the way, leaving it open just a crack.
The shower was invigorating and Jesse let the water pound down his back for
almost five minutes before he even bothered to soap up. He couldn't believe how
much better he felt afterwards and he got dressed leisurely in sweatpants and a
hoodie.
"Want to come with me to Shaun's house?" Jesse asked, feeling generous as he
came out of the bathroom. Brian was still waiting by the door and he perked up
at the question.
"Yes!" He cried.
Back downstairs Cliff and Monica were getting cozy on the couch. The twins were
nowhere in sight, but Lissa was in her bouncer seat.
"Jess…" She called happily when the redhead and the toddler came in the room.
"You dropped your tiger there, buddy." Cliff said when he saw Brian. He held
out the stuffed animal and smiled.
Brian pulled a face and Jesse just knew that the little boy was going to say
something rude. Not wanting to have Cliff and Monica lecturing the kid, Jesse
stepped in and grabbed the tiger before Brian could say anything impolite.
"Thanks." Jesse said. "It's cute, isn't it Brian?"
Brian shrugged reluctantly but he didn't say anything more.
"We're going over to Shaun's for a little bit. See you later." Jesse said,
reaching out and taking Brian's hand firmly. Jesse was both disheartened and
relieved when neither Monica nor Cliff protested.
"Want a piggy back ride?" Jesse asked once they were outside. Brian agreed and
the redhead swept the smaller boy up onto his shoulders, running across the
lawn towards Shaun's house. He just needed to distract himself from his ever-
absent mother and her stupid new boyfriend. That guy was such a tool; Jesse had
been able to tell almost instantly.
Ruth didn't seem surprised to see Jesse and Brian on her doorstep; Shaun must
have warned her.
"Shaun's in his room. He just got out of the shower." She said.
"That's alright. He won't mind." Jesse said, squirming around the heavyset
woman and coming inside, pulling Brian along behind him by the hand.
Shaun's door was shut, just as Jesse had expected. He knocked once, briefly,
before pushing the door open.
"Jesus Christ!" Shaun yelled, whirling to face the doorway. He was only half
dressed, wearing a pair of his baggy jeans and nothing else.
"Hey! It's me!" Brian corrected, tearing his hand out of Jesse's and running
into the room. Before the little blond could reach him however, Shaun pulled a
long-sleeved shirt over his head, hiding his scars from the toddler. He shot
Jesse a glare, but smiled almost reluctantly at Brian.
"I know it's you." He said, picking Brian up and setting him on the bed. "What
are you doing here anyway? Should you be in bed?"
"No. It's not bedtime yet." Brian declared.
"Hmm. Well there's nothing much to do here…want to watch a movie?"
Brian agreed and Jesse watched fondly as his boyfriend picked out a movie for
them all to watch. After a few moments, he picked Terminator and he put it in
the DVD player he still had from when they'd last watched a movie in here.
"You coming over or are you going to stand in the doorway all night?" Shaun
finally snapped, glaring over at the redhead. His eyes weren't nearly as angry
as his tone of voice was and Jesse merely quirked a brow at his lover's harsh
words. He flicked off the light and came to lie down on the bed. Shaun followed
suit and Brian, smiling widely from ear to ear, came to lie between them.
Jesse had seen the movie multiple times, but he didn't mind watching it again.
Brian seemed to like it at least, pointing excitedly at the screen during
points of intense action, consciously seeking approval from Shaun.
In fact, Brian was so absorbed in the movie that Shaun and Jesse were able to
talk quietly over the smaller boy's head.
"So, you weren't over there long. Did you see the guy?" Shaun asked about 20
minutes into the movie.
"Yeah. He was playing the whole, I-paid-for-everyone's-dinner-and-I bought -
presents-so-I'm-automatically-a-great-guy role."
Shaun snorted. "Sounds like an asshole."
Jesse shrugged. He was preprogrammed to hate anyone who tried to take the
father figure position in his life, especially after his real father had failed
so horribly. Of course, Jesse was pretty sure that the man sitting in his
living room didn't really want to be his dad, or even pretend to be. Jesse was
old enough now that Monica's boyfriends overlooked him somewhat. He was just
the boy who did the babysitting and gave them free access to Monica. Most of
them didn't bother to impress him anymore.
"He looks like a politician too. Too fucking clean, perfect teeth, perfect
clothes, perfect skin—"
"Skin?"
"Yeah, his hands were like silk."
"You touched his hands?" Shaun hissed, glaring in the dim light coming off the
TV.
"I shook his hand." Jesse clarified with an eye roll.
"Shaun!" Brian cried, pointing at an explosion on screen. "Wow." He whispered
in awe. Shaun smirked, ruffling Brian's hair affectionately.
Jesse was able to appreciate Shaun and Brian's special bond now when he wasn't
starved for affection and sex himself. He'd gotten quite a lot of it over the
weekend and he had no problems sharing a little with the boy. And Brian ate it
up. He stayed awake determinedly for almost the entire movie but he eventually
curled into Jesse's side and closed his eyes.
"You asleep?" Shaun asked Brian, his voice deep and soothing.
There was no answer from little Brian and Shaun smiled softly, sitting up and
crawling back towards the head of his bed. Jesse followed.
They leaned back against Shaun's pillow, just looking at one another. After a
few moments of staring, Jesse leaned in slightly and kissed Shaun's wide and
completely luscious lips.
"My grandma's probably going to bust in here in a little bit." Shaun warned
when they pulled away for breath.
"Yeah. You're probably right."
But they went back to kissing anyway, slowly exploring each other's mouths.
Shaun tasted of minty toothpaste, much more generic than that deep masculine
taste he'd been getting used to over the weekend. But the lips were familiar
and warm and perfect.
Before either of them could afford to get too terribly aroused, Jesse pulled
back, pressing his forehead to Shaun's.
"I love you." Jesse said intensely. "I love you too much. You know that?"
"I know." Shaun answered simply, his dark eyes reflecting a similar sentiment.
"I get kind of weird when your attention's not completely focused on me." Jesse
said. "I never used to be this possessive of the people I was going out with,
but your special I guess."
"Why's that?" Shaun asked slowly. He seemed almost nervous to hear the answer,
but he stared directly into Jesse's eyes, awaiting the answer and biting his
lip as he did.
"I don't know." Jesse said, even though he did.
Shaun apparently knew he did as well because he prodded Jesse to answer. "You
do know…C'mon. Tell me." Jesse sighed, hoping that Shaun wouldn't get mad at
him for saying this, but… What the hell.
"I guess it just has to do with me saving you." Jesse started, immediately
sensing the other boy tensing at the word. "I know you don't need saving, it's
just that when I first got here you were so…closed off and bitter—"
"I still am." Shaun interjected, a lot calmer than Jesse had thought he'd be
with such a pronouncement.
"No, you're not. At least, not around me you aren't." Jesse denied before
continuing. "But I think I fell in love with you before I even knew it because,
even though I could tell you didn't want to, you kept letting me get closer and
closer. Finally, you let me in, where you've never let anyone else, and even
though you didn't trust me all the time, I could tell that you wanted to."
Jesse smiled softly, leaning in to kiss Shaun again, lightly. The other boy
responded weakly, apparently too lost in thought to participate. "I really
appreciate that, baby. You, letting me love you and be with you, even though I
can tell that you're still not entirely sure. When you trust me, it just makes
me love you more."
Shaun pulled Jesse towards him slowly, wrapping his arms around him tightly and
hugging him for all that he was worth. Jesse held on, taking solace from the
embrace. He knew that Shaun would probably never talk about his feelings the
way Jesse just had. He knew Shaun was private and that expressing emotions was
just way too revealing for the sullen boy.
But Shaun hugged Jesse tighter, nuzzling his ear with his mouth. Jesse sighed
at the feeling of lips on his skin, relaxing completely. But then Shaun started
to speak, his voice whisper soft.
"You saved my life, Jesse…I hated myself so much before you came along…but you
made it better." Jesse bit his lip, feeling his heart beating a bit quicker in
excitement. He knew Shaun loved him, the other boy had even said so himself,
albeit reluctantly. But hearing Shaun's need for him spelled out was joy beyond
compare. "If you ever leave me… I'll kill myself."
That was a bit less happy, a bit more desolate and bleak, but because Jesse had
no plans to leave, the softly worded warning went right over Jesse's head.
"I won't." He promised solemnly, pulling back slightly to kiss Shaun on the
nose. Shaun seemed slightly affronted by the kiss and he pushed Jesse away,
folding his arms over his chest. Jesse laughed and leaned in, kissing Shaun
properly this time. Shaun responded to that much better and he moved his hands
up to tangle in Jesse's hair as their kiss got more intense.
God, or whoever was up there in the sky, was watching over the two boys that
night. Nobody came knocking on the door until well after they'd finished
enjoying each other's mouths and each other's bodies.
Ruth burst in after only a second's pause but both Jesse and Shaun were
prepared, sitting primly on opposite sides of the bed, with Brian's sleeping
form between them. They were watching the Terminator special features for lack
of anything more innocent to do.
This time, when Jesse left with Brian clinging to him, the tiger Cliff had
given to him squashed between their chests, Jesse wasn't so grim about the
upcoming week.
***** Chapter 14 *****
Chapter Fourteen
A month passed and school finally let out. Shaun's birthday was on the tenth of
June, but he didn't tell Jesse. Shaun had made such a big deal out of leaving
when he finally reached legal adulthood that he kind of felt pressured into
doing it now.
The fact of the matter was, however, that Shaun had next to no money left and
nowhere to stay other than with Jesse, and with Jesse's living arrangements,
that wasn't really a possibility.
On Shaun's birthdays, Ruth and Eli always threw Shaun party. Ruth made a big
dinner and Eli bought a cake. They both tried not to nag on him like they
usually did, and that was really the best present Shaun could ask for.
It was pretty embarrassing having something as normal as a family birthday
party though. And since Shaun was already trying to hide the fact that he was
turning 18 from Jesse, he was also determined to keep the redhead as far away
from this year's party as possible.
Though, it was hard to have a day away from Jesse completely without the excuse
of band practice. The redhead was clingier than ever and with his mom
constantly out of the picture, working or spending time with her new boyfriend,
Jesse was stuck babysitting more often than not, especially now that school had
let out and Monica was now apparently refusing to send the kids to daycare.
Shaun had been helping Jesse out with the kids when he wasn't with the band,
practicing for Defaced's debut. And the day before Shaun's birthday, Jesse
asked his usual needy question.
"Are you coming over tomorrow?"
Jesse looked so miserable, lying on the blankets he and Shaun had made a
permanent part of the redhead's room. They would lay back on them and watch
Jesse's shitty TV for hours, pretending to keep an eye on the twins who had
been given strict orders by the redhead to check in every 30 minutes, even if
they were just playing in the other room. Brian was with them almost all the
time, which wasn't nearly as bad as it sounded. He was so oblivious to anything
the two older boys did, Jesse and Shaun had done pretty much everything in
front of him, besides actual sex that was. Actually, Jesse had given him a hand
job once while the kid laid on the blanket a few feet away, watching some
stupid movie.
Lissa, the poor kid, had ended up being babysat by Ruth after all. Jesse had
been very vague as to how that particular decision had come to be, though.
"Me and mom had a big fight and I told her I was sick and fucking tired of
being stuck with an infant all the time." Was all Jesse would say. Shaun had
suggested that Jesse argue with her about the twins and then little Brian next
and then maybe they could finally have some fucking quality alone time. Jesse
had just shrugged, looking harassed and frantic.
Jesse was bored out of his mind, even though he tried to pretend like he
wasn't.
The fact was that Monica was becoming more and more flighty, just the way Jesse
had said she'd be. She was suddenly coming home two, sometimes three hours late
and she was always going away on the weekends now, leaving Jesse to take care
of the kids.
"That guy she's seeing…she works with him. He's a doctor." Jesse told Shaun one
day after school when Shaun didn't have to be with the band and Jesse was stuck
at home again with the twins. Sam was never around anymore. He spent most of
his time with Kyle apparently. Jesse said he was really worried about him, but
when Shaun offered to go and talk – beat up – Kyle, he just said that there was
nothing they could do about it.
"Yeah, so?"
"This guy's so fucking rich. I told you how he's always taking everyone out to
dinner and buying the kids presents and shit, right?"
"Yeah." Nowadays, the only time Jesse got to go out was when the doctor
boyfriend took everyone out for the day.
"Well, he's totally rich enough to help mom out with daycare, but mom doesn't
want to be a fucking burden to him so I've just got to do everything by myself!
Like I'm some motherfucking nanny!"
"Fucked up."
But tomorrow
 was Shaun's birthday and when Jesse was staring up at him with that pathetic
look on his face, Shaun had to refuse.
"No." He said. "I've got family stuff tomorrow."
"What?"
Shaun shrugged. "I can come over for a while, but then I have to go back to my
house, and then I have band practice. You know I have practice tomorrow night."
"I know, but what do you have to go back home for?" Jesse looked a little
crazed. "Ruth's still babysitting Lissa tomorrow, right?"
"Yeah." That little girl had become Ruth's sole joy. Whenever Shaun saw her
with the baby she always looked so happy. It was weird. Shaun vaguely
remembered Ruth treating him like that, hugging him and doting on him, loving
him, the same way she treated Lissa now. Why was it that Ruth kept raising such
fucked up kids, first Shaun's dad and then Shaun, when she seemed like such a
great caregiver?
"You never spend time with your family. Why can't you just stay with me?"
"I just have to do this, Jesse. It's only for a few fucking hours." Jesus
Christ, the redhead was starting to become such a fucking drag. Shaun hated
that Jesse couldn't be with him all the time too, but he didn't cry about it.
"But I miss you!" Jesse whined. "Every time you're away I go out of my mind!"
Shaun sighed, shaking his head. He wished he did have the money to get them
somewhere else to stay, anywhere was better than the situation they were in
now.
"Jess…" Shaun started. "We have our first gig this Saturday and we'll probably
get paid…something." Though that was stretching it. Gretchen had even said that
they probably wouldn't get paid much. After all, they were only opening for
some poser metal band, even if said band had quite a few fans. "If we do good
though we'll start getting more gigs and then we can get out of here! Just hold
on for a little bit, ok?"
Shaun was determined to move out of his grandparents' house by the end of
summer. Then he could go and drop out of school and get him and Jesse a place
to live. He'd discussed this all briefly with Jesse a few weeks ago, but the
redhead kept freaking out regardless. He'd confessed one rare night when they'd
been sleeping in Ben's basement that he was deathly afraid of Shaun leaving him
here. Leaving him behind.
"Ok." Jesse agreed weakly, looking close to tears. Shaun held out his arms and
the redhead crawled into his embrace, burying his face in Shaun's chest.
"I'm sorry." Jesse whimpered. Shaun could feel the other boy sobbing, his hot
tears staining his shirt. Shaun tried to ignore his awkwardness and rubbed the
other boy's back. Despite the fact that Shaun knew Jesse better than anybody
and that they fucked on a regular basis, comforting still did not come
naturally to him. It was probably the least developed skill he had, actually,
but Jesse was so sweet in arms. He could taste Jesse's tears and it made Shaun
love the redhead all the more for trusting him enough to show them.
"I'm not leaving." Shaun whispered, stroking the back of Jesse's hair.
When Shaun finally went home, it was getting pretty late. Almost midnight.
Shaun always stayed until Monica showed up, and tonight she had showed up later
than ever. Of course, some of that might have had to do with Monica picking
Lissa up. Ruth never seemed to mind what time Monica came to collect her baby,
but she never failed to talk Monica's ear off about something or other.
 Eli was still sitting up in the living room, reading a book and Shaun could
hear Ruth rummaging around in the back room. She popped her head out to greet
him, grunt at him more like, and then she shut her door.
"You're finally back." Eli smiled, setting his book down in his lap.
"Yeah." Shaun draped his arms over the back of the couch, preparing for another
of Eli's long talks.
"Ruthie's making all your favorites for tomorrow…" The old man said. "She's
really going all out, seeing as how you'll be all grown up by tomorrow."
That was so fucking stupid. As if there'd be some huge fucking change in him
overnight that would make him so much more equipped to be an adult. He didn't
say how stupid the comment was, however, merely shrugged.
"Are you inviting your little friend over?"
Shaun snorted at the question. He knew Eli referred to Jesse as Shaun's
'friend' for Ruth's benefit. There was no telling how she'd react if she found
out Shaun was fucking another boy. But Eli knew they were more than just
friends. There was no way he didn't know that they were fucking.
"No."
"Is he busy with babysitting again?" Eli ventured.
Shaun shrugged. It was as good a guess as any. Shaun didn't really want to get
into the real reasons behind concealing his birthday from Jesse. Eli wouldn't
understand, nor would he be thrilled to know that Shaun was just waiting to get
some serious cash before he could drop out of school and disappear for good.
"That mother of his, she's got to recognize that Jesse isn't a free babysitter.
He's a teenaged boy who has needs of his own."
"That's what I said." Though he'd said it much less eloquently. "Jesse said she
stopped bringing the kids to daycare because then she doesn't have to waste her
lunch break picking the kids up and bringing them back to the house. That way
she can spend more time with her doctor boyfriend."
Eli frowned and shook his head disapprovingly. "I'm not one to judge, but
something about that just isn't right."
Shaun grunted his agreement, straightening up as he sensed the end of the
conversation.
"Good night, son." Eli called over his shoulder as Shaun retreated. He picked
his book back up, apparently determined to continue reading.
"Night." Shaun threw back, in a decent enough mood to spare a few pleasantries.
He'd gotten to spend time with Jesse today, and he would see him for a bit
tomorrow, so everything was alright. Even if it wasn't ideal.
Shaun got ready to head over to Jesse's place around 1 the next day. He didn't
like to be around Monica, and never willingly went over when he knew she'd be
present. He knew Monica's shift didn't start until around 3 or 4, but she
usually ditched the house around noon, leaving Brian, the twins and Sam all
under Jesse's sole care. The surest way to check of course, was just to walk
into the living room.
"…looks so sweet in her dress." Ruth was saying as Shaun came into the room.
Lissa was sitting up on a blanket in front of the TV playing with some of her
toys. Ruth was watching her with her normal hawk like gaze, though it was
softened and carried a great deal of affection.  "Don't you think, Shaun?
Doesn't Melissa look like a little princess in her new dress?"
Shaun glanced at Lissa. Honestly she didn't look much different any which way.
She shared Jesse's family's red hair and light colored eyes. She was wearing a
pink dress today, one with probably too many frills and bows, but Lissa looked
happy enough and Ruth was certainly content.
"She looks real cute." Shaun forced himself to say.
Ruth smiled. "You know, you can invite your friend over for your birthday
dinner."
"I know. He's got three other siblings to look after though."
The older woman shrugged. "Tell him to bring them along."
But Shaun didn't want that. At first, Shaun had wanted to keep the news of his
18th birthday away from Jesse because he'd been afraid that the redhead would
put undue pressure on him to move out or something, but now he wanted to
conceal it mainly because he was sure Jesse would freak out if he knew Shaun
could leave at any time.
"C'mon grandma. You know I want my birthday dinner to be with just family. Like
it always is." He said, which was true enough. Ruth snorted, but she had a
pleased smile lurking on her lips.
"You don't mind Lissa being here, do you? I could always call her mother."
"That's ok. She's just a baby."
"That's mature of you." Ruth tilted her chin up as she assessed Shaun calmly.
"Dinner's around 5. See you then."
Jesse was relieved to see Shaun. He embraced the taller boy the second Shaun
walked in, clinging to him desperately.
"Have any weed with you?" He asked, his mouth pressed against Shaun's throat.
"Little bit." After that visit to Ben's dealer, they'd been trying to cut back
their smoking habits. They'd pooled together the last of their money, for when
they would inevitably have to go and buy more, but it wasn't looking good.
Shaun couldn't wait until the show on Saturday. He was nervous as hell too,
having no experience leading a band, especially in front of a fucking crowd,
but he knew he had to do it and doing it right was imperative.
"Shaun!" Brian yelled as he tottered down the stairs. He held his arms out,
wordlessly asking to be picked up.
Shaun obliged the toddler, scooping the little blond up and laughing helplessly
when Brian whooped with joy. Lately, he'd been thinking about the last time
they'd really discussed getting out of here and how adamant Jesse had been that
Brian needed to come along.
Shaun could imagine it. He could imagine him and Jesse and Brian living
together like a family. He had no idea what you were supposed to do with a
toddler. Didn't Brian need to start school soon? What sort of things did little
kids need, besides food and clothes? Brian definitely needed guidance. He
needed someone to tell him what was what. Like which bands to listen to and how
to defend himself from bullies. Someday, eventually, he'd even need one of
those awkward as hell sex talks, but now Shaun was getting ahead of himself.
Jesse was watching him with Brian with that weird look he always got whenever
Brian was concerned. Sort of protective, but also sad and longing. Shaun
figured Jesse was just really worried about his brother. It made sense. The kid
was so fucking vulnerable looking. Those wide blue eyes of his, especially,
made him look sensitive and defenseless.
"Brian, can you play down here for a while? Shaun and I need to talk about
something upstairs." Jesse said, their secret – or not too secret – excuse to
get a few minutes respite from the kids to smoke.
"Alright." Brian pouted but went to sit down on the edge of the couch with the
twins. The two little redhaired fiends were playing a game on the Wii Monica's
doctor boyfriend had brought them a while ago. Shaun had hated the guy
automatically, kind of in deference towards Jesse, but that stupid Wii thing
kept them occupied for hours at a time.
"I wish I could come with you tonight." Jesse complained absently as they went
upstairs and shut Jesse's bedroom door. Shaun took his baggie of weed out of
his pocket and looked around for the papers he'd left in the room a few days
back. "Here." Jesse snatched up the rolling papers and tossed them towards
Shaun.
"I'm glad you're not." Shaun lied. "You'll get to see how good we've got since
the last time. You're probably gonna be blown away." That was an exaggeration
too. Shaun though that what he had was good. Gretchen and Ben thought it was
good too, or at least that's what they said. Shaun had a hard time reconciling
what he thought was awesome with what everyone else wanted though. He was so
used to being put down and hated for his differences that he was automatically
wired to doubt anything he came up with.
"I bet I will be." Jesse said though, making Shaun love him all the more. The
redhead's eyes sparkled bright like he was preparing himself to be impressed by
Shaun's scruffy band. "You've got this amazing head for music. You're like a
metal god in training."
"Shut up." Shaun finished rolling a joint and fell back on the blankets spread
out on the floor. Jesse followed him down, producing a lighter from somewhere.
"You talk too much, you know? You don't have to run your mouth all the time."
"Want me to just suck your cock instead?" Jesse helpfully suggested.
"That'd be nice." But Shaun took the lighter and concentrated on taking a hit
instead. "Or you could climb in my lap and ride my cock again." That shit was
hot. Just thinking about the way Jesse had fucked himself on Shaun's cock the
last time they'd had a few hours alone together got Shaun's blood pumping.
"You liked that, huh?"
"Yeah." Shaun passed the joint to Jesse, watching the other boy take a long
drag of the sticky weed. "Your little asshole belongs around my dick."
Jesse moaned and handed the joint impatiently back to Shaun, sitting up and
removing his jeans and boxers.
It was always awkward as hell fucking with the kids downstairs or in the other
room. Shaun didn't want to take his clothes off when there was a possibility of
someone else walking in on him, but Jesse didn't seem to care. He stripped off
completely and then rushed around the room looking for the huge tube of lube
they'd picked up from Wal-Mart one day.
Shaun was much more subtle about it. Taking his dick out of his jeans, just his
dick. It was hard already and pointing straight up at the ceiling, proud and
already anticipating Jesse's tight heat.
"Give me some more." Jesse said, throwing himself back down onto the blankets.
He crawled on his knees until he was straddling Shaun's thighs and his naked
ass just brushed Shaun's cockhead.
Shaun shivered at the tantalizing feeling, holding up the joint for Jesse to
take another hit.
"I'm going to be your first groupie." Jesse said, carelessly squeezing some
lube onto his fingers and reaching behind himself. Shaun had watched Jesse
stretch out his asshole before. He'd looked so fucking sexy, fucking himself
with his own slick fingers. He was doing a half-assed job of it now, obviously
in a hurry, but that was just as good as getting to watch Jesse do it slow and
relaxed because it really just highlighted how much the redhead was longing for
a hard dick. He couldn't wait to have it inside him, pulsing and twitching and
filling him to the bursting point.
"Can't be a groupie. You're my boyfriend." Shaun pointed out, taking another
drag on the joint. He was really starting to relax now and he let Jesse take
care of everything, watching the way he twitched on his fingers before deciding
he was ready and switching to preparing Shaun's cock instead.
"I am." Jesse said proudly. He threw the lube aside and grabbed Shaun's dick at
the base, holding it steady. "You love me more than some stupid groupie,
right?"
Shaun rolled his eyes. He thought that they'd been through that. "'Course." He
agreed.
"But say it. Say it like you mean it." Jesse insisted, crouching over Shaun's
thick cock now, prepared to wait however long it took.
"I love you, dick face." Shaun growled, grabbing Jesse's hips, holding him
still as he thrust up, entering Jesse's ass in one smooth movement.
That was the end of that. Jesse took over after Shaun's words of devotion,
wrapping his arms around Shaun's neck and moaning into his ear as he snapped
his hips forward and back, effectively riding Shaun's slick dick.
"Oh god…yes …" Jesse panted into Shaun's ear, his breath hot and his lips
moist.
Shaun felt intensely painful love for the other boy as Jesse wrung every drop
of pleasure from him. Love wasn't a big enough word for what Shaun felt for
Jesse, it really fucking wasn't. Jesse had changed his life forever, had
brought light and happiness in where there had been nothing but darkness and
gloom. Shaun was starting to doubt if he'd had ever gotten up the nerve to do
the things he wanted, whether it was leaving Will's band or finding someone to
care for romantically. Shaun was convinced that without the little redhead
bouncing in his lap his life would have continued to be a meaningless waste for
the unforeseeable future.  
He fucking owed him everything.
Shaun was busy appreciating the boy in his lap, sucking Jesse's warm salty
skin, moaning helplessly in between the bites and sucking kisses, when the door
opened silently.
Jesse gasped, his voice coming out strangled and somewhat fearful: "Brian! I
told you to wait…downstairs…" The redhead's whole body seized up at his shock,
and before Shaun really understood what was going on, he was coming, hard and
long and perfect, pumping Jesse's ass full of creamy white.
"But Tyler and Allison told me I'm weird and that they hate me." Brian whined,
staring at Jesse and Shaun, still recovering from his orgasm, with wide and
confused eyes. "Are you guys playing a game?"
Jesse snorted, lifting off Shaun's cock gingerly. He hadn't come and if the
circumstances had been any different Shaun would have felt really bad for him,
not to mention pissed that he apparently wasn't going to get to enjoy his
really great post-orgasmic bliss.
"Go wait downstairs." Jesse ordered his brother once he was no longer fucking
Shaun in any way, shape or form.
"I don't want to. Tell Jesse that I don't have to, Shaun." Brian pleaded,
coming closer to Shaun, still sprawled out, his cock wet and deflated on his
clothed thigh.
"No. You don't need to fucking see this shit." Shaun grunted, tucking himself
away with a grimace.
"Yeah, what were you doing?" Brian questioned, finally just climbing over
Shaun's body and nestling up against the older boy's side. He was still staring
at Shaun's crotch, clearly interested despite being told pretty explicitly not
to be.
Jesse seemed to realize he wouldn't be getting to finish anytime soon and he
got dressed huffily, grumbling under his breath.
"Why was Jesse sitting on your thingy?" Brian asked again, putting his little
arms around Shaun's middle. "Didn't it hurt?"
Shaun felt a sense of irony at the questions. When he'd imagined giving this
awkward talk, he'd sort of pictured Brian being a bit older, but he liked the
kid and he wasn't nearly as pissed at him for walking in as he would have been
at anyone else. The kid didn't know it was wrong anyway. He had no concept of
privacy and body modesty.
"People do stuff like that when they're in love." Shaun said quietly, a little
embarrassed to be having to explain this, but Jesse had put his hoodie back on
and had his jeans halfway up his thighs. He edged out of the room, giving Shaun
a grateful look. He probably needed to clean out his ass before he got dressed
completely. Maybe he even wanted to finish rubbing out his erection, which had
only flagged a little after Brian's interruption.
"Sit on each other?"
Shaun laughed, tousling the kid's hair. "No. He didn't sit on me."
"What did he do then?"
"Jesus Christ." Shaun muttered. "You're lucky I like you so much."
"What?"
"Jesse…he ah…put my…'thing' in his butt." Shaun attempted to explain in
childish lingo he thought the kid would understand.
"Why?"
"Because, when you're older it feels good when someone does that. Even if it's
a girl."
"But Jesse's a boy."
"Yeah, but Jesse's the one that I love, not some stupid cunt…I mean ah… girl."
Shaun corrected himself sheepishly.
"Would you do that to me?" Brian asked shyly, glancing up at Shaun from under
his lowered blond lashes.
Shaun froze at the odd question and the even odder look. Brian's eyes really
were startlingly similar to Jesse's, in this case, almost disturbingly so.
It took a moment for Shaun to figure out what Brian was trying to say but when
he did, he frowned and pulled the kid closer, tucking Brian's head under his
chin and hugging him fiercely.
"I don't love you like that." Shaun whispered, surprised to find that he did in
fact love the little toddler. "I love Jesse like…he's my husband." Shaun said
in a lame attempt to dumb things down for the kid. He was slightly annoyed with
the redhead for ditching him and leaving all this explaining up to him but also
glad that he wasn't here, listening to this drivel. "I love you like you were
my kid brother. And people don't fuck their brothers."
"Fuck." Brian said seriously as if he were trying to understand some profound
concept.
"Don't say that, kid." Shaun chastised, though he couldn't hide his amusement.
"Sorry." Brian smiled up at Shaun and the older boy couldn't be annoyed with
him anymore. He didn't even mind having to have the embarrassing conversation.
It hadn't been that embarrassing anyway. Usually admitting that he loved
anything made Shaun feel open and vulnerable, a feeling he hated, but he didn't
really mind with Brian. The kid didn't know how to take advantage of him
anyway. "I love you, too." Brian whispered, tightening his arms around Shaun
and resting his head on his chest.
Shaun was strangely content, raising a hand up to sort through Brian's silken
locks. He only wished that he'd made Jesse come. He felt bad that he was in
there now, shooting one out in the toilet when he was warm and satisfied on the
redhead's bedroom floor.
The not-so-sullen boy absently smoked the rest of the pot before putting the
joint out in their makeshift ashtray, an empty coffee can Jesse had stolen from
the kitchen. Jesse finally came back in, looking a bit more comfortable. 
"You're a bad boy, coming in here when I told you to stay downstairs." Jesse
reprimanded Brian as he came to settle onto the blankets on Shaun's other side.
He wrapped his arms around Shaun too, just over Brian's.
"Sorry." Brian apologized unrepentantly.
Jesse rolled his eyes and sat up slightly to retrieve the remote, flicking the
TV on before he nuzzled further into Shaun's side and sighed, sounding like he
felt pretty damn content as well.
Shaun stayed until ten minutes to five. Jesse begged him with his eyes and with
his warm body to stay, but Shaun was determined to get this stupid birthday
dinner over and done with.
"See you later." Shaun said, kissing Jesse's soft mouth repentantly. There were
only two more days until the show. Two more days of band practice and of
leaving Jesse behind. He didn't say as much, but Shaun tried to convey to the
other boy through his kiss that Jesse only needed to wait a bit longer. They'd
be together soon, and even if it was just for the weekend this time, pretty
soon they'd be together always.
Back at home Shaun's grandma was just finishing dinner. He was in such a good
mood that he almost hugged the old woman. Sometimes she was so fucking great
and after a pretty mellow and relaxed day he was willing to overlook her many
irritating faults.
Shaun changed in his room, getting out of his slightly sticky jeans and putting
something relatively clean on. He'd improved his hygiene dramatically since
he'd started seeing Jesse but sometimes he still forgot to put in the effort.
Dinner was pretty normal, besides Lissa sitting in a highchair. Shaun hadn't
been eating a lot with his family, choosing to spend the evenings with Jesse,
even if the redhead was a pretty dismal cook compared to Ruth. But Jesse could
have served sardines every night and Shaun still would have stayed with him.
"You're going to practice with your band tonight?" Eli asked, breaking through
the normal dinnertime chatter.
"Yeah."
"Good." Eli said, nodding his head slowly as if he were deciding on a difficult
decision. "You know, I spent quite a while thinking about what to get you for
your birthday this year."
"Hmm." Usually Shaun's grandparents got him practical things for his birthday,
clothes, boots and guns. Even if they'd had the money to buy Shaun frivolous
little presents, he wouldn't have appreciated them. The best thing they'd ever
gotten for him though, had been the guitar when he was 12. And he'd been
hanging on to it all these years.
"Anyways, I think the best thing for you, since you're an adult now and all, is
your own car."
"A car?"
"We picked one out the other day." Ruth cut in, looking up from feeding Lissa.
"It's used, but it's solid and it'll run well for a few good years."
Shaun smiled. This was fucking great! It only heightened his desire to move
out, now that he wouldn't have to worry about getting to and from practice or
wherever else he wanted to go when he finally got his own place. He didn't
really give a shit if the ride was shiny and new or not, the fact that it
sounded pretty reliable too, helped.
"Thank you!" He said enthusiastically.
"We can go and pick it up tomorrow afternoon, if you'd like."
Shaun agreed instantly, thanking his grandparents a few more times as he
stuffed the last of his dinner in his mouth and hurried out to go to practice.
He wanted to run next door and tell Jesse, but he was already running kind of
late, and right now, practice took precedence.
He borrowed Eli's car, for the last time, and headed to Ben's place.
The entire set list – plus a few extra songs – was all hammered out. Everything
was fucking great. There were only a few kinks here and there to straighten
out, but even that seemed kind of perfectionistic.
Everyone was in a real great mood. Even Gretchen. She was grinning from ear to
ear by the time practice was over and acting like a normal girl and not like
the bitch Shaun knew she was so good at being. She even offered to take
everyone out for beers, but Ben bowed out, saying he had to work in the morning
and Shaun wanted to get back to Jesse's house. It was still early enough that
Monica might not be home.
"You guy's suck." Gretchen complained. "I drove all the way out here to
practice and you guys won't even hang out and make it worth my while."
"Fuck off." Shaun replied coolly.
"Fuck yourself!" Gretchen cried, throwing one of her drumsticks across the
room.
Shaun smirked. "No thanks, I was hoping to fuck Jesse before the night's out,
but I'm really not into getting screwed."
Gretchen rolled her eyes, half-heartedly throwing her remaining drumstick in
Shaun's general direction. Shaun made an exaggerated effort to duck away from
the flying projectile, laughing at the silliness of the whole scene. "You're
such a huge fag." Gretchen bitched, climbing out from behind her drum kit and
heading for the booze.
"I know." Shaun was surprisingly unbothered by Gretchen's assessment. He really
was in a great fucking mood and plus he knew Gretchen didn't see his
relationship with Jesse as a bad thing, but just something that was slightly
abnormal.
"See you guys tomorrow." Shaun said to the band as he left. Tomorrow would be
their last practice before the show.
Shaun drove back home, going way too fast. He'd had a little bit to drink
earlier, but he was confident that it wasn't affecting him. He made it back,
anyways. In record speed. He parked Eli's car back at his house and then ran
over next door.
Jesse answered the door promptly, his look of confusion fading and being
replaced by one of pure bliss.
"You're back!"
"Yeah, we had to finish early because Ben had—"
The redhead pulled him inside, cutting his explanation off with an enthusiastic
kiss. "I put the kids to bed a little bit ago, come lay down with me?"
"Ok." Shaun agreed instantly.
"Well, actually Brian's in my bed but we can chill in the baby room if it won't
freak you out." Jesse amended as they went upstairs. It did kind of freak Shaun
out, but he wanted to be with the redhead and he didn't really want to do
anything sexual to Jesse when Brian was asleep in the room, they'd done it a
few times before, but after the talk they'd had earlier Shaun was a little
wary.
"Fine."
Shaun's misgivings disappeared almost immediately once they were behind a
closed door, more alone than they'd been in what felt like weeks, though it was
actually only a few days. Shaun felt like a fucking pervert when Jesse ripped
his jeans off and laid face first on the edge of Brian's little bed, sticking
his ass out. "God…you've got to finish fucking me. I've been horny all day."
And of course, no matter how wrong it was to do this on Brian's bed, of all
places, Shaun was horny too and he stuck his fingers in his mouth, getting them
as wet as possible before shoving them up Jesse's ass.
"Ooooooh." Jesse moaned and continued moaning until Shaun switched his fingers
for his cock. And then Jesse was crying out with pleasure with every stroke, so
fucking desperate to come with Shaun inside him.
It didn't last very long, Shaun was too tired and too turned on, and Jesse was
so fucking wound up that the older boy was surprised the redhead had even made
it this long.
Jesse came on the kid's sheets, something Shaun had hoped he wouldn't do. Shaun
came right behind Jesse, swallowing his own groan with a bit of effort. He
pulled back afterwards, stumbling slightly on wobbly legs. He wasn't lying on
Brian's come covered sheets. There was just something incredibly wrong with
even the thought of lying there.
"Hope you're going to wash those." Shaun pointed out, zipping himself up and
going to lean against the wall, watching Jesse recover.
"Dick. Of course I'm washing them." Jesse sighed as he got up, gathering the
soiled sheets together absently. Shaun couldn't help focusing on the slow drip
of come leaking from Jesse's pretty round ass. "Be right back."
Jesse is gone for longer than Shaun expected. Maybe he really was washing
Brian's sheets.
After 5 minutes of waiting though, Shaun got bored and moseyed over into
Jesse's room. The lights were off but the TV was still on, illuminating the
mostly empty room and its single occupant.
Brian looked so comfortable, asleep in Jesse's cozy bed. The image of his
sleeping face brought forth a cheesy dream Shaun had had a while ago, one where
Jesse and Brian came to stay with Shaun in his grandparent's house, only his
grandparents hadn't been around for whatever reason.
In the dream, Shaun and Jesse had fucked before bed, like they were prone to do
and then they'd fallen asleep together, deliriously happy. And then Brian had
showed up, waking them as he'd climbed into bed between them, whispering about
having a nightmare.
"It's ok." Jesse had whispered, rubbing Brian's back sleepily. "Nothing to be
afraid of."
Shaun had ruffled Brian's hair, echoing Jesse's sentiments soothingly, feeling
the little kid relax between his and Jesse's bodies.
It had felt good too, even though it had just been a dream. Shaun hadn't really
pictured himself having a family, having a kid for that matter, but he needed
Jesse in his life and he wanted Brian to be a part of it too, if that were at
all possible. Helping to raise Brian would be the closest thing Shaun would
ever get to fatherhood, and he was perfectly ok with that.
"Oh, there you are." Jesse called as he came into the room. He had pulled his
jeans back up, but he dropped them again, going to his drawer and rooting
around for something more comfortable.
"Sorry, I just wanted to get that in the wash before mom asks questions."
Shaun snorted. "Yeah there isn't much you can do to explain come on the kid's
bed."
"Nope." Jesse smirked, now ensconced in a pair of baggy sweat pants. Shaun
wanted to get into something more comfortable too, but he couldn't stay so
there was no point.
Jesse came to stand next to Shaun, glancing up at Brian.
"He told me you loved him."
Shaun blushed as his words were thrown back at him. "Yeah, he's a cool kid. It
ain't a crime."
Jesse laughed, putting his arm around Shaun's waist and pulling him down to sit
on their blankets.
"Of course not." Jesse kissed Shaun's cheek. "We all love each other."
Shaun blushed at the words. "Christ, this whole fucking situation is gay enough
already. You don't need to say it like that." He objected.
"But it's true." Jesse kissed Shaun again, on the lips this time. "We could be
a family. All three of us."
Shaun tried not to let on how much he liked that, changing the subject instead.
"Know what? My grandparents bought me my own car."
"What? Really?" Jesse grinned. "Is it outside?"
"Nope. They didn't pick it up yet. We're going to get it tomorrow."
"Shit…" Jesse stared at Shaun in the flickering light coming off the TV set.
Jesse's face was bleached blue by a mouthwash commercial. "Know what this
means?" He whispered reverently.
"Yep. A car of our own is part one of our escape. Part two is getting some
fucking money, and we've already got a plan lined up for that."
"Fuck…that sounds good. Real good." Jesse sighed contentedly, leaning in and
kissing Shaun a little deeper this time, slipping his tongue into the older
boy's mouth.
"Wish I could come see it with you." Jesse said when they pulled away from each
other.
"I'll bring it over."
"Yeah, but it's not the same." Jesse pouted. "I want to see your smiling face."
"Ha." Shaun rolled his eyes. "You're being stupid." Really, Jesse saw Shaun
smiling every day. Shaun could barely keep a smile off his face lately.
"Yeah, I guess I am." Jesse kissed Shaun again. "I just love your smiles.
They're so fucking cute."
Shaun grunted disagreeably. He wasn't cute.
He stayed until Monica came home with Lissa. Jesse was half asleep by the time
Monica came banging in the front door, sprawled across Shaun's lap.
"Hey, I've got to go." Shaun said, smoothing the hair out of Jesse's face.
"I'll see you tomorrow."
"Mmm." Jesse moaned sleepily. "No…stay." He pleaded, probably an automatic
reflex nowadays.
"I can't." Shaun kissed Jesse's sleep swollen mouth. "I'll come by with the new
car when I can." He promised.
"Ok." Jesse smiled, leaning up for one last kiss before Shaun got up to leave.
"Love you."
Monica was downstairs in the living room, clutching Lissa in one arm and
kicking the kids toys out of her way. She looked kind of pissed off.
She seemed startled when Shaun came down the stairs and Shaun had to resist the
urge to sneer at the woman. She was knowingly making Jesse miserable, heaping
unfair amounts of responsibility on him so that she could in turn go off and be
irresponsible. It wasn't Jesse's fault that Monica liked getting knocked up so
why should Jesse be stuck looking after her many mistakes?
"You still here then?" She asked rhetorically.
"I'm leaving."
"Oh." Monica kicked a toy robot out from under her feet. It flew under the
coffee table. "You'll be over tomorrow won't you? I have to leave early to meet
up with Cliff and I probably won't see Jesse until tomorrow night, so could you
tell Jesse that I need him to babysit on Saturday?"
"No." Shaun said forcefully, losing all semblance of good manners at Monica's
request. "He's coming to see me play on Saturday."
Monica frowned, hitching her hand up onto her hip. Lissa clung to Monica a
little tighter, looking agitated. "Jesse can't just do whatever he wants. As
long as he's living here, he has a responsibility to follow the rules."
"Fuck you." Shaun snapped. "Jesse doesn't have a responsibility to your bratty
kids."
"You little asshole!" Monica cried, stepping forward like she intended to throw
Shaun out, but Shaun was already wrenching the front door open.
"Fucking bitch." Shaun threw out before he dodged outside. He heard Monica yell
after him, but he didn't stop to listen to her stupid voice. That stupid whore
was intent on ruining Jesse's life.
Shaun went home, seething. Nobody was waiting up for him tonight and he was
glad. He was angry enough to want to cut himself and so he stripped out of his
clothes and sat down on the edge of his bed.
Jesse was bound to notice a fresh cut on Shaun. They were naked around each
other enough that it just wasn't feasible for Shaun to be hiding much of
anything. But Jesse probably wouldn't notice if Shaun put cuts on his legs,
especially if they were on the back of his thighs.
Shaun's frustration and anger melted away the second his knife slid through his
skin. He felt so good and relaxed, like he'd just drank a few shots of vodka or
had a couple hits of weed. The pain was comforting and familiar and Shaun
suddenly couldn't remember why he'd stopped cutting himself.
He added two cuts, one neat and straight right behind his knee, and the other
jagged and lazy just above it. Shivering with perverse pleasure, Shaun put his
knife away and rolled into bed.  He was asleep in seconds.
The next day Shaun was still kind of pissed off, but the prospect of getting a
car all of his own was so exciting that he was able to set his anger aside.
Shaun had to wait around until Eli came home, since the older man had work, but
when he arrived he was ready to pick up Shaun's birthday present.
Eli drove and Shaun sat in his passenger seat. The window was down, lending a
cool, casual air to the car. Shaun leaned back, trying not to dwell on all the
good memories he had of Jesse that directly involved this stupid car. They'd
just have to make better ones in the new car.
"So…" Eli started when they were halfway to the used car dealership. "How are
things with your band?"
"Great." Shaun answered, glad to have his mind taken off the time he'd woken up
in the backseat with Jesse straddling his hips and insisting on giving him a
hand job. "We have our first gig on Saturday."
"Tomorrow?"
"Yep." Shaun ran his fingers through his frizzy hair, striving to look cool and
not nervous. "Tomorrow night."
Eli grinned. "You sure got a lot of use out of that guitar we got you. It was
probably one of the most useful things we ever bought." The old man said
pleasantly.
"Yeah, I guess so." Shaun said graciously.
"Hmm…and how's Jesse?"
"Busy babysitting." Shaun answered as he had yesterday.
"Well, how's it going between you two?" Eli pressed, clearly not seeking a
short checkup as he had been the day before. "How's your relationship?"
Shaun grunted, embarrassed by the question and feeling very confined in the car
all of a sudden. Eli had a knack for awkward questions it seemed.
"It's going." Shaun answered evasively.
"Now, c'mon." Eli chuckled. "I'm driving you to pick up your new car! This is
probably one of the last times I'll ever get a moment alone with you…don't hold
on out me, son. Give me the details."
Shaun sighed. As much as he didn't want to expound on his and Jesse's
relationship, Eli had caught him at a particularly vulnerable moment and the
older man fucking knew it. Shaun knew he was indebted to the older man.
"If you have to know…things are going ok." Shaun said quickly. "We're talking
about moving in together…after school and stuff." He said, not mentioning how
very soon that day might come.
"That's fast." Eli commented.
"I guess." Shaun hadn't really thought about it. Jesse had integrated himself
so well into Shaun's miserable existence that it felt like he'd always been
there. "I love him."
Eli smiled hugely and let the embarrassing subject drop.
The car that Eli had picked out for Shaun was a black 2000 Mustang. It looked
sleek and awesome next to Eli's old Ford and Shaun was pleased. The salesman
was rattling off the car's stats, its mile to the gallon, the engine details,
the mileage and whatnot. Shaun wasn't listening. He ran his hand over the shiny
black metal of the hood, feeling like his life was finally starting to get
fucking great. He had Jesse, he had his own car, his new band was playing their
first gig tomorrow night…things were looking up.
Eventually the salesman handed Shaun the keys and Eli gave Shaun the go ahead.
Shaun got in the car and drove directly to Jesse's place, going way too fast.
Shaun felt it was his duty to test the new car's power though.
"Oh wow!" Jesse cried when Shaun pulled up. Apparently the little redhead had
been waiting around by the front window for him and Shaun didn't even have to
get out of the car. Jesse threw open the passenger door and crawled directly
into Shaun's lap.
"Jesus!" Shaun threw the car into park before Jesse forced him to run into the
side of his house. "Calm the fuck down." Shaun chuckled, allowing Jesse to
settle into his lap. He grabbed Jesse's sweet round little ass, glad to have it
so firmly situated near his cock.
"Sorry. It's a cool car though." Jesse commented, kissing Shaun firmly and
rubbing his ass down against Shaun's crotch.
"How would you know? You didn't even see it. You came straight in here and
started acting like a fag."
"You like when I act faggy."
Shaun rolled his eyes. He did like when Jesse was affectionate. That had never
been up for debate.
"Take me for a ride." Jesse cooed, kissing Shaun's lips again.
"Hmm…" Shaun hugged Jesse close, wanting to lean his seat back and fuck Jesse
right here and now. This car was a lot smaller inside, but it only meant that
Jesse and Shaun had to squeeze together a lot more, which wasn't actually a
detriment. "Ok…but what about the kids?" Shaun murmured. The practical thought
just sort of snuck up on Shaun, it almost surprised him with the responsible
ring it had.
"Oh." Jesse kissed Shaun one last time before he wiggled out of Shaun's lap,
going to sit on his own side of the car. There was no bench seat in this car,
so unfortunately Jesse couldn't cuddle up to him as effectively. It kind of
sucked, but it was a minor trade-off compared to having his own car. "Guess who
I convinced to take over babysitting duty today?"
"Sam?" It seemed strangely unlikely since the younger boy had been stuck up
Kyle's ass for the better part of a month now. The only time Shaun saw the kid
was when he was leaving for Kyle's or when he was coming back. And when Shaun
did see him, it was usually under the former condition.
"Yeah. I made him feel guilty for never helping out. He knows how shitty it is
to get stuck with the kids, I abandoned him enough with them." Jesse admitted
sheepishly. "He said he'd watch them today though."
"Shit." Shaun was stupidly grateful towards the redhead's brother even though
he hated the kid and blamed him for not doing his share of the work. Jesse may
have spent time at Shaun's house after school for a few weeks, but he always
came home to help out with the babies. Sam hadn't been doing anything since
summer started.
"When I told him I wanted to hang out with you for a little while he was
actually really nice about it. Said he understood." Jesse got a weird look on
his face. "I really hope that Kyle isn't fucking my brother."
"Well, they are out together an awful lot." Shaun said slowly.
"Ugh…I don't want to think about it." Jesse shook his head and rolled down the
window. "Let's just go, ok?"
Shaun nodded and turned the car back on. The engine purred and Shaun couldn't
help smiling. He couldn't think about Sam getting ass fucked by Kyle and he
wasn't worried about the show tomorrow, he was focused on the feel of his new
car smoothly backing out of Jesse's drive and then shooting off down the road
and Jesse's comforting presence of at his side.
They drove around for a while, just testing out what the car could do. It was
fast and it rode nice. Jesse stuck his hand out the window, his hair blowing
back into his face, and he whooped enthusiastically. Shaun laughed at him, the
idiot acted like a dumb kid sometimes.
After half an hour of fucking around, Shaun took the car to his old house. The
For Sale sign was still posted by the road, and it looked exactly the same as
the last time they'd visited. Shaun shut the engine off and looked expectantly
towards the other boy.
The redhead obliged, climbing back into Shaun's lap with the ease of a limber
little monkey. Shaun put the seat back and Jesse got comfortable sprawling out
on Shaun's chest.
They kissed for a while, slow and unhurried. They had time today, not unlimited
time surely, but Shaun didn't have to be at practice until around 6 and it was
barely 3 pm now. Jesse rubbed his erection against Shaun's but neither of them
were inclined enough to do anything about their hard-ons.
When they broke apart, Jesse rested his forehead against Shaun's, both of them
breathing in the same breath, both of them staring directly into each other's
eyes. Just last month Shaun would have felt extremely uncomfortable being under
such close scrutiny, especially if it were by Jesse. But now he took comfort in
the warmth from the redhead's gaze.
"I've got bad news for you." Shaun said after a bit of the intense staring. He
blinked instead of looking away.
Jesse sat back, his ass pressing against Shaun's interested cock. He laughed
nervously. "Shit…what bad news?"
"When I left last night your mom told me to tell you that she wants you to
babysit tomorrow night."
"What!"
"Yeah. I told her to fuck off."
Jesse quirked an eyebrow. "You did?"
"Yep." Shaun said proudly. "Your mom's a fucking bitch."
Jesse nodded absently, his eyes leaving Shaun's face and focusing on the older
boy's neck instead. "What should I do? I don't want to miss your show."
"Then come with me. We'll crash at Ben's tonight and we'll just hang out there
until we go to the club." Shaun said pragmatically. "By the time you show up
back at your mom's place it'll be too late for her to ruin it. Plus, I bet if
you come home and that doctor guy's around then she won't say a fucking word."
"Your right." Jesse said slowly. "That's actually a good idea."
"She deserves it." Shaun grabbed Jesse's ass and squeezed. "You told her over a
week ago that you were coming to see me play on Saturday. She can sort out her
own shit."
"Yeah." Jesse rested his head on Shaun's shoulder. "Shit…she's going to be so
pissed off though."
"So? If she throws you out then you can stay with me. We'll figure something
out until we get our own place."
Jesse kissed Shaun's neck gently. "I hate her for forcing me to make decisions
like this."
"I hate her too." Shaun grunted. "Stay with me."
They hadn't stayed at Ben's house together in a while and the idea of them
getting a few hours of uninterrupted alone time sounded fucking amazing.
Especially the night before Defaced's big debut show. Shaun needed to relax,
Jesse needed to escape, they both needed to fuck.
"Alright."
They went back to Jesse's house and he packed up some of his shit in his book
bag. A few changes of clothes, his meager cache of money, deodorant, a tooth
brush…
"You're worried about brushing your teeth?"
"Who knows how long I'll be gone." Jesse said as he stuffed some additional
toiletries into his bag. Shaun leaned against the bathroom doorway, watching
him with amusement. "Oh, shit. I forgot the lube. It's under my pillow. Could
you go get it?"
Shaun nodded. They definitely didn't want to forget the lube. Shaun had a
feeling that they'd be fucking quite a bit before and after the show. They
fucked a lot already but these next few days were going to be a special case.
"So, is Jesse leaving for good?"
Shaun started. He'd been rummaging under Jesse's pillow, searching for the
illusive bottle of lube when Sam's voice penetrated his thoughts. Shaun turned
around to coolly assess the younger boy, not sure whether to smile at him or
scowl.
"No. He's just staying with me for the weekend." Shaun said evenly, telling
himself that the nicer he was to the little jerk, the more likely he'd cover
Jesse's ass later.
"Mom's going to be pissed."
"Your mom shouldn't be forcing all this shit on Jesse. He didn't ask for his
mom to have 4 little kids that constantly need looking after."
Sam smirked, a smirk that Shaun realized was almost an exact copy of Kyle's. It
sent chills up his spine and reminded him of Jesse's worries that the younger
boy was being corrupted – sexually – by the blond drug dealer.
"That's an interesting thing to say."
Shaun frowned. "You think your brother should be a free babysitter?"
"No, but mom's not the only one to blame, Jesse's just as much at fault as mom
is."
Confused, Shaun turned away from the bed, looking the younger boy up and down.
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
Sam's smirk grew wider, stretching across his round boyish face. Before he
could answer, Jesse came back into the room, looking distractedly through his
bag.
"Did you get the stuff?" He asked, glancing up at Shaun's tense stance and
Sam's smirking face. "Ah…what's going on here?"
"Nothing." Sam said quickly, moving to Jesse's side and thumping him on the
back. "See you later, dude. Have fun."
"Yeah. Ok." Jesse rolled his eyes and came to snatch the lube from Shaun's
hand. "Great…I think that's everything. Let's go ok?"
Shaun shrugged, kind of wanting to ask Jesse what his brother had been talking
about but also not really caring. Sam was most likely just trying to stir shit
up anyway, especially since the kid was so into Kyle. The dealer's conniving
ways had probably rubbed off on the impressionable kid.
Shaun and Jesse went back to his house next. Shaun packed a bag for himself,
clothes, toiletries, money and the last of their weed, while Jesse sat out in
the living room with Ruth, visiting with his little sister.
Shaun opened the drawer to his bedside table and looked at his blood stained
knife. He hadn't even bothered to clean it up last night. He debated bringing
it with him, knowing that he'd probably be nervous tomorrow, even if he didn't
feel much today.
"Hey. Want me to go put your guitar and amp in the car?" Jesse pushed Shaun's
bedroom door open, snapping Shaun out of his thoughts of self-harm.
"Uh…yeah." Shaun said quickly, shoving the drawer shut so that Jesse wouldn't
have to witness his pathetic habit again. "Go and do that."
Jesse rolled his eyes. "I'm trying to get you to hurry up so maybe we could go
fuck in the garage before we leave, but since you want me to be your slave you
can forget it."
"What?" Shaun stood up, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder.
"If you want to fuck before we get to Ben's place you'd better hurry up."
Shaun smiled, following Jesse outside and vaguely saying goodbye to Ruth, who
was reading a baby book to Lissa on the couch and Eli who was watching a news
program on mute beside her.
Eli smiled knowingly, but Ruth merely gave the boys a bland farewell.
A few minutes later, when Jesse was sprawled out on the work bench, his pink
skin exposed and his round ass opened around Shaun's thrusting cock, Shaun
realized that he didn't need the knife. He didn't even need the sharp, painful
cuts on the back of his thigh. All Shaun needed was Jesse.
<<>> 
A few hours later Shaun and Jesse showed up at Ben's front door. The older man
looked a little harassed when he answered the door, but he was happy enough to
see them.
"Angela's in a bad mood today." Ben said on the way down to the basement. "Our
gig is right in the middle of some party she wanted me to go to tomorrow
night."
"So. This has been planned for like two weeks."
"Yeah, but this has been planned for a couple months. It just completely
slipped my mind."
"Oh." Shaun shrugged. It wasn't his fucking fault, not that Ben had said it
was. However, Angela was getting more and more bitchier as time went on. You
could go to a party any time, but you only had one debut as a band. Only one.
Ben sighed and shook his head. "I'm in the doghouse."
Jesse snorted and grabbed Shaun's backpack, pulling out the weed. "You just
need to get high."
"Hanging around you two is completely ruining me." Ben moaned, winking directly
after to show that he was mostly kidding. He fell back on to the couch and
watched as Jesse expertly rolled a joint.
By the time Gretchen showed up the three of them were well on their way to
getting thoroughly messed up. She joined in eagerly, bubbly and excited for
tomorrow, talking louder the more weed she smoked and leaning against Jesse in
a friendly manner that always pissed Shaun off. He managed to overlook it
however.
They didn't actually get much practicing done, but Shaun felt confident in his
band, something that he had never been able to say before. Tomorrow would
probably go well. Shaun had a weird, but good, feeling that after the show
people might just start to fucking respect him.
It was decided somewhere between practicing and ordering chicken wings with a
coupon Ben dug up, that they'd all just crash in Ben's house for the night,
then they'd all drive over to the club tomorrow after doing one last practice.
Shaun was immediately upset, having wanted to fuck Jesse long and hard,
something that just wasn't going to happen with Gretchen crashing on the couch
opposite the pull-out bed.
Jesse was too drunk to care however, and he and Gretchen were lounging all over
Ben's pool table, trying to play a decent round of the stupid game.
"It'll be like a sleep over." Jesse said excitedly. "Remember when you had
sleep overs? And people would bring over sleeping bags and you'd look at porn
all night and then prank call your neighbor?"
Gretchen laughed. "At my sleepovers my friends would bring vibrators and we'd
fuck each other silly."
Shaun could tell the bitch was lying, or at least Ben could tell because the
older bassist rolled his eyes as if he'd heard her tell this story before. He
absently ripped the greasy skin off his chicken leg and delicately ate the
white meat underneath.
"Are you serious?" Jesse had believed Gretchen completely, and he leaned
heavily against his pool cue as he imagined an all-girls sleep over, or an all-
girls orgy, in this case.
"Totally. I'm not a lesbian or anything, but girls know how to get you off the
best. If girls had dicks, I might switch teams."
"Wow." Jesse gaped. He stared at Gretchen until the girl hit the eight ball,
sending it straight into the corner pocket. "Fuck you! How'd you win so fast?!"
The rest of the night went by in a similar vein. Gretchen and Jesse had become
fast friends ever since the first practice and they talked endlessly, gabbing
about the most inane things possible. Shaun was jealous of course, as he always
was when Jesse's undivided attention wasn't on him, but he understood now that
Jesse wasn't trying to get into the goth drummer's pants, he was just
irreparably friendly.
He and Ben had slowly started to settle into their own friendship over the past
few weeks, and even thought the conversation was still a little stilted at
times, Shaun still liked talking to the older man.
By one in the morning, Gretchen was asking to see the pull-out bed, wondering
how comfortable it was, as she was thinking about getting one for her living
room.
"I'm thinking about renting it out to some hunky guy. I hate living alone." She
said as Jesse clumsily pulled the bed out and showed it to the girl.
They chatted about Gretchen's potential roommate, a good looking guy who
wouldn't mind messing around and who wouldn't get jealous if Gretchen brought
new guys home sometimes, while Jesse laid out on the bed to show off how
comfortable it was.
When Gretchen fell over beside him, commenting blandly that the sheets smelled
like musty sex, Ben abruptly stood up and called it a night.
"See you three tomorrow morning." He called loudly, edging towards the stairs.
Shaun watched him go with amusement. "And try not to be too loud, Gretch. You
know how cranky Angela gets if she can't sleep in on her day off."
Gretchen answered by sticking her legs in the air and kicking them in a
facsimile of a wave. "Nighty night, big brother." She giggled.
After Ben was gone and he was left alone with Gretchen and his boyfriend, Shaun
got off the couch and came to stand at the foot of the bed.
Jesse was happy to see him and he stretched out his arms in welcome. "I missed
you…come lay down."
"Not with her." Shaun grunted, nodding towards Gretchen who was splayed out on
her back beside Jesse.
"Aww, but she doesn't want to be over there all by herself." Jesse gestured
vaguely towards the other side of the room. "She won't bug us. She just wants
to share."
"Yeah." Gretchen stuck her tongue out, her eyes gleaming with mirth. There was
no way she expected Shaun to sleep with his boyfriend while she laid next to
them. No fucking way.
"Get off." Shaun ordered plainly, waiting impatiently for Gretchen to roll off
the bed. She over compensated and ended up on the floor, giggling and drunk.
Jesse stared after her with concern.
"Didn't have to be so mean." Jesse murmured as Shaun climbed into the space
Gretchen had vacated.
"Shut up." Shaun ordered, wrapping his arms around Jesse and pulling him flush
to his chest. Jesse continued to mutter into Shaun's chest, holding an entire
muffled conversation with himself apparently. Shaun held him and glared across
the room at Gretchen who was making herself comfortable on the other couch. She
didn't seem very concerned with what was happening on this side of the room,
but Shaun was too paranoid to relax. The redhead promptly fell asleep,
breathing softly with his mouth open and Shaun continued to cocoon him safely
in his arms.
 "Nervous about tomorrow?" Gretchen's voice floated across the room. Shaun
couldn't see her anymore since she'd settled onto the couch. He could see the
blankets she had piled on top of her though, the blankets looking like a little
mountain peaking over the edge of the horizon.
Shaun snorted loudly. "No." He lied.
"Yeah. Me neither." Gretchen said calmly. "I've been in a lot of shit bands
before, but I think we're going in the right direction. You know…away from all
the bullshit lyrics and overused melodies. You're a pretty good song writer."
"Thanks." Shaun mumbled. He took compliments for granted when it was Jesse
saying them, though that was not to say that he didn't appreciate it. But
Gretchen had no reason to flatter him and she certainly didn't love him, so, in
this regard, her words carried a bit more weight than Jesse's enthusiastic
praise.
"Yep." Gretchen moved, the mountain of blankets shifting until the drummer's
face popped over the edge of the couch and she met Shaun's eyes directly. "And
it's ok if you want to fuck Jesse. I won't be weirded out if you guys want to
have sex."
"Fuck you." Shaun replied darkly, scooting down until he could no longer see
Gretchen and he was nestled into the sex mussed sheets. Gretchen giggled, but
she didn't say another word.
Even after Gretchen shut up, Shaun had a hard time getting to sleep. He wasn't
even all that tired. He eventually forced himself to nod off around three or
four, his arms locked vice-like around Jesse's waist, and he slept hard for a
few much needed hours.
When he finally woke up, he had a moment of déjà vu. Jesse was crouched over
him, working his jeans down.
The redhead was smiling and he looked so warm and beautiful with his blue eyes
full of love and lust and his sinewy body uncovered. Shaun moaned at the sight,
taking in Jesse's wild nest of bedhead and his flushed and bobbing erection.
As if in slow motion, Jesse freed Shaun's cock, shifted around slightly, and
then sat on Shaun's erection.
They both sighed as Jesse's tight ass clenched around Shaun's big cock. Jesse
rested his palms on Shaun's chest, slowly fucking himself, clearly enjoying the
feeling of being penetrated.
"You're a horny little slut, aren't you?" Shaun asked rhetorically, reaching up
and wrapping a hand around Jesse's bobbing cock. The redhead hissed and speed
up a little, his round ass slapping against Shaun's thighs.
"Fuck…" Jesse grunted, shifting slightly so that Shaun's cock was hitting his
prostate. "God...Shaun…"
Shaun grabbed Jesse's hips, pulling him down onto his cock forcefully. Jesse's
body was so tight and his ass was scorching hot. Jesse felt so good and looked
so fucking gorgeous riding Shaun's cock that it was a shame they couldn't do it
more often.
Jesse grabbed his cock suddenly, jerking it frantically. Shaun watched him,
hissing in encouragement.
"Yeah…fuck yeah…feel good slut?" He asked.
"Oh god!" Jesse gasped, his ass clenching up as he came all over Shaun's chest.
His eyes snapped shut and he jerked astride Shaun's dick, moaning desperately.
Shaun growled, throwing Jesse off and to the side. He climbed on top of the
redhead, forcing one of his legs up and out of the way. Jesse lay back,
panting, his face red, and allowed Shaun to fuck his moist little hole until he
came.
Collapsing forward onto Jesse's chest, he hugged the smaller boy closer,
kissing his pretty panting mouth.
"Love you." Jesse whispered, pressing his tongue inside Shaun's mouth.
And Shaun loved him too, so fucking much. He couldn't wait until they got to
wake up like this every day, happy and together, the stale taste of Jesse's
morning breath delicious in Shaun's mouth because it was so real.
"Hey!"
Shaun sat up, pulling the blankets around himself at the sound of Gretchen's
annoying voice coming from the basement door.
"You guys done fucking yet? Angela made breakfast!" She continued, yelling
despite the stairwell being just a few paces from the pull-out bed.
Shaun glared at Jesse. It was his fault that Gretchen was bugging them, surely.
He waited angrily for the redhead to answer his drummer.
Looking harassed and very well fucked, Jesse squeaked out an answer. "…Just a
sec!"
Gretchen laughed at the squeak. "I'll eat your half before it gets cold,
alright?" She said sweetly before she slammed the basement door.
"Don't look at me like that." Jesse said petulantly, sitting up with a wince.
"I did the right thing. I woke up, was super horny, and told Gretchen that if
she wanted you to play good tonight, she'd go upstairs for a little while so we
could fuck."
"Christ." Shaun shook his head with disapproval. He was usually in a bad mood,
but it was a struggle even for him to remain angry after such an amazing
orgasm. Instead of throwing a fit and being embarrassed, he crawled off the bed
and pulled the jeans on Jesse had taken off him moments before. No sense
getting into clean clothes.
Except…
"You came all over my fucking shirt!" Shaun growled, pulling said garment off
and waving it in Jesse's face. "Thanks a fucking lot."
"Yeah, well, I've got an ass full of sperm." Jesse muttered, standing up and
reaching behind himself to presumably finger his hole. "Yuck." He complained,
presenting his white streaked finger. Jesse hesitantly slid his soiled finger
to his mouth and licked it off.
Shaun watched his boyfriend eat his come out of his ass for a few unbearable
moments before he stormed over, pushing Jesse forcefully back onto the bed.
"You think you can do that and think you won't get fucked again?" Shaun hissed
menacingly into Jesse's ear before licking the redhead's exposed throat and
biting into the vulnerable flesh with sharp teeth. Jesse cried out, his legs
hitching up around Shaun's waist.
"Yeah." Jesse panted. "Fuck me again." He wiggled underneath Shaun's body until
their cocks were pressed together, Jesse's quickly responding to the already
prominent reemergence of Shaun's erection.
The second round lasted slightly longer than the first though not by much.
Jesse was such a horny little fuck, squeezing his ass down around Shaun's
thrusting dick and moaning pathetically into Shaun's ear. Jesse's hands were
fucking everywhere, clenching around Shaun's scarred biceps, running down his
sweaty back, grabbing Shaun's thrusting ass.
"I love your mouth…" Jesse moaned, pulling away from Shaun's moist mouth when
he ran out of breath. He instead moved to mouthing his way up Shaun's throat.
"…love your cock…" Jesse whispered, sucking Shaun's earlobe into his mouth.
Shaun had his hands planted on either side of Jesse's head and he was leaned
over him, plastering his body to the redhead's as he drilled his cock up inside
his squirming ass. "…love your ass…" Jesse muttered as he hands clenched said
appendage. Shaun growled in response. "…love you so… fucking…much…"
"Jesse!" Shaun hissed, snapping up straight as the redhead's ass clamped around
his cock like a vice. "Jesus Christ!" He grabbed Jesse, pulling him to the edge
of the bed, and started fucking him in earnest. There was no more clinginess,
no more wet kisses and talks about 'love'. Just pure fucking pleasure, pleasure
that filled Shaun's body with indefinable need and made Jesse wail.
When they were done and lying, half asleep, next to each other on the pull-out
bed, there was a loud pounding on the basement door.
"Guys! Seriously!" It was Ben this time. "We can all fucking hear you!"
Shaun had been embarrassed before, but now he was too wiped to give a shit.
"Don't listen then!" Shaun responded with a yell, burying his face in Jesse's
sweaty armpit and kissing the damp skin there.
"Think we can get a shower if we go upstairs?" Jesse asked after a few moments
of silence. Shaun could hear a commotion upstairs, probably Angela bitching Ben
out again, but it was so distant that Shaun found it hard to care about.
"I don't know. I think we'll be lucky not to get thrown out."
Jesse laughed and finally sat up, pulling away from Shaun's sporadic kisses to
his underarm. He made a face at the wet kisses Shaun had left behind and rubbed
himself.
"Let's try." He insisted, glancing towards the door. "I'd be willing to drive
back home and risk running into mom if I could get clean."
"Yeah." Shaun still didn't see the big deal about being clean. Before Jesse had
shown up and changed his whole fucking life, Shaun had gone days without ever
seeing a drop of water, let alone a bar of soap, though Shaun did think having
two ass-loads of come was probably uncomfortable.
They got dressed, Jesse wincing the whole time, before venturing upstairs.
Jesse reached up as they navigated their way to the kitchen, attempting to
smooth down Shaun's wild hair.
"Don't." Shaun pushed Jesse away. He knew his hair was ridiculous. It puffed up
at the slightest provocation and he could feel it frizzing out around his face
like a curly brown halo. There was no hope for it, besides maybe a shower.
Ben and Gretchen were alone in the kitchen. Ben was staring morosely at
pancakes while Gretchen talked to him in serious tones. She glanced up when
Shaun and Jesse came in, rolling her eyes in Ben's direction and shrugging.
"What's going on?" Shaun asked, coming to stand by the table. Jesse slid into
the seat opposite Ben, peering at the older boy with concern.
"Oh, Angela's upset about the…arrangements." Ben said sadly, sending Jesse a
feeble little smile. Jesse reached out and touched Ben's hand soothingly.
Gretchen snorted. "My sister's being a total bitch. She comes in here, says
she's tired of running a free hotel, then she proceeds to make everyone
breakfast then throws a fit because you guys are fucking!"
Shaun's cheeks heated up.
"Jesus, I'm sorry." Jesse apologized immediately. "Is she…upstairs? I'll talk
to her if you want."
"No." Ben said immediately, patting Jesse's hand before pulling it away
completely. "No…that's alright."
"Well, shit. We don't want to put you out or anything." Jesse glanced towards
Shaun, who continued to blush heavily and glare at everyone in the room. Jesse
sighed. "It's just that we don't get a lot of time alone at home and I guess
when we do get a little time together we both just kind of go crazy for each
other's cocks—"
"JESSE!" Shaun yelled, cutting the redhead off before he could incriminate them
further. Ben was flushed, the color filling his cheeks matching Shaun's
perfectly. Gretchen was holding back a grin, covering her black lipstick
covered mouth with a dainty hand.
Jesse shrugged. "Sorry." He didn't look anything close to sorry. "Do you think
Angela would mind if we took a quick shower?"
Ben let out a weak sounding laugh. "Sure." He said unevenly. "Do whatever you
need to do. She went to her mother's, anyway."
Jesse went back to looking contrite, touching Ben's shoulder gently to soothe
the older man's woes. Shaun had had quite enough of the touchy feely shit
though, and he marched over to Jesse's chair and hauled the redhead up out of
his seat.
"I thought you needed a shower now." He reminded the other boy, his hand
clenched around Jesse's upper arm.
"Ouch, calm the fuck down." Jesse didn't pull away, but he flexed his arm until
Shaun relaxed his hold. The sullen boy did so after a few tense moments,
sighing and nodding towards the kitchen doorway, indicating he wanted Jesse to
exit first.
Jesse rolled his eyes and moved out, Shaun following him possessively.
"So." Jesse started casually once they'd gathered clean clothes and found the
bathroom on the second floor. It was impeccably clean and Shaun felt guilty for
even contemplating getting naked in such a spotless room. He was fucking
filthy. "What do you think's up with Angela?" The redhead began stripping off
the moment the door was shut behind him, exposing his perfect skin and his
finely formed body. Shaun might have hated his perfection if he wasn't
intimately invested in it.
"She's just a fucking bitch." Shaun said aggressively, forgetting that he had
once thought she was pretty cool. She wasn't being cool now. The only thing
he'd seen for her these past few weeks had been anger, frustration and pure
bitchiness.
"She's probably stressed from the wedding." Jesse leaned over the side of the
tub, fiddling with the water. Shaun's eyes zeroed in on Jesse's perfectly
presented ass. "Did Ben say when it was?"
"End of the summer." Shaun stepped closer until his groin was just brushing
Jesse's ass. The bathtub had begun to fill with water and Jesse flicked the
switch to redirect the water and the shower head obediently came to life,
jetting out warm water. The redhead pushed back into Shaun's still clothed
dick. "I bet we're not invited."
Jesse shrugged, stepping neatly into the shower. He sighed as the warm water
cascaded over his smooth skin. "Coming in, babe?" He called teasingly as if
Shaun could resist the sight of his boyfriend, wet, naked and warm.
Shaun finished taking his clothes off, his earlier hesitance forgotten. He
pulled the shower door closed behind them and immediately plastered Jesse's
lithe body against the cold glass, kissing him and rubbing his slowly
responding cock against Jesse's wet little belly.
The shower ended up taking longer than either boy had anticipated, especially
having just come twice just a little bit ago. Nobody bothered them though.
When they climbed out, both of them squeaky clean, they dried each other off,
still lazily kissing, and got dressed.
"I wish we could spend the night together all the time." Jesse lamented as they
brushed their teeth in the sink. Shaun elbowed Jesse out of the way and spat
out his toothpaste.
"I'm working on it." He said.
"I wish I could get a job or something to help you out. Mom would throw a shit
fit though." Jesse said pensively.
"Like I said, I'm working on it." Shaun reiterated, rinsing his mouth out and
turning to put his dirty clothes back in his bag along with his toothbrush. It
was kind of weird worrying about being clean all the time, but Shaun could
admit that the cleanliness felt nice. The incentive of getting a wet body to
pleasure himself against was highly motivating as well.
"You are so fucking sweet. You know that, right?" Jesse quickly rinsed his
mouth out as well, before flinging his brush into his own bag. He leaned in to
capture Shaun's mouth.
It was minty and cold and Shaun pulled back at the unfamiliar taste. "Yuck." He
frowned.
Jesse laughed. "Don't like the minty taste?"
"We need to get a few beers in you. Maybe some old pizza." Shaun said
seriously. He missed the raw taste of Jesse's mouth, not this clean sharpness.
Jesse hit Shaun's shoulder playfully. "Dick. I wash up for you and you want me
to eat old pizza?" He hit Shaun again, his face breaking into an amused smile.
"And you know, there are other ways to dirty my mouth." The redhead waggled his
eyebrows and Shaun, groaned despite the fact that he'd just come for a third
time.
"Jesus Christ, Jesse." He said, paling in the face of the other boy's boldness.
"Yep. Now c'mon. You need to practice before the show. Your blowjob will have
to wait until tonight."
Shaun groaned. He wasn't sure if he could get it up again, but with the promise
of more on the horizon, Shaun couldn't help being greedy. He reached out,
thumbing Jesse's pink lower lip. "Fucking slut." He muttered, leaning in to
kiss Jesse again, biting into the redhead's juicy lip.
There was a knock on bathroom door, interrupting Shaun's current task of
filling the redhead's mouth with spit. Shaun pulled away reluctantly, looking
into Jesse's dazed, half lidded eyes.
"Are you guys almost done?" Ben's voice floated through the door, exasperated.
"Yep." Jesse called back cheerfully.
"Because me and Gretch want to run through the playlist a couple times before
we head out tonight…and before Angela comes home."
Shaun scowled at the mention of the bassist's fiancé. He really wished he and
Jesse had their own place and didn't have to think about Ben's stupid
relationship problems. He liked the guy a lot, but his interest only went so
far.
Jesse grabbed his bag and pulled out of Shaun's arms. "Today's going to be so
awesome." He promised the older boy. "Today's the beginning of the rest of your
live."
"Our lives."
Jesse just smiled and pushed the door open. Ben was hanging out in the hallway,
looking flushed and embarrassed. "Sorry." He apologized awkwardly. "I know you
guys don't get a lot of time alone—"
"Just shut the fuck up." Shaun pushed past his boyfriend and his best friend
and went back down to the basement. Gretchen was setting her drum kit up,
smirking like Shaun really gave a shit what she thought.
"What were you guy's doing up there? We could hear Jesse screaming all the way
from down here."
Shaun ignored the drummer, grabbing up his guitar. The mic was already in
position and he flexed his fingers on the fretboard, testing his instrument
out.
"Oh, and you know it's really fucking rude of you to be stinking our practice
space up with your sweaty gay sex." Gretchen waved a hand in front of her face,
fanning an imaginary wave of sex scented air away. "It's fucking vile."
Shaun decisively kicked Gretchen's drum kit, knocking her cymbal over.
"Bastard!" She cried, rushing around her instrument to pick her equipment up.
"You're a fucking bitch." Shaun hissed in reply. "Just fucking play your shit
and don't talk about me or Jesse or our fucking sex life or I'll fucking kick
you in the cunt next time."
Gretchen glowered for a grand total of five seconds before she burst into
laughter. "You'll kick my cunt? What kind of threat is that?"
Shaun's lips quirked upwards, amused with himself. "A real one." Behind him,
Jesse and Ben were coming down into the basement, Ben shutting the basement
door firmly behind him. "Let's go, Ben. We're ready."
"Yeah, c'mon Ben, what's with the hold up?!" Gretchen yelled before dissolving
into laughter again. "This is just too much. You guys are too fucking much."
The boys ignored Gretchen's cackling and Ben came to stand slightly behind and
to the right of Shaun, donning his bass guitar. His face was pinched, his
expression uncomfortable, but he visually shook off the bitterness his fiancé's
departure had left and nodded once in Shaun's direction. Across the room, Shaun
saw Jesse take a seat on Gretchen's little loveseat, hands folded in his lap.
Ready for the show.
"Alright," Shaun said, glad to hear Gretchen calming down behind him. "From the
start," he said and Gretchen, bless her heart, clicked her drumsticks together
and gave them a quick countdown.
They practiced for several more hours but everything sounded great. Ben called
a halt to practice, checking his phone.
"Angela's in the driveway. She wants to talk," he said.
"And I'm starving again!" Gretchen announced. "I'm buying. Let's get lunch."
Taking cues from the goth girl, Shaun and Jesse followed her out of the house.
They passed Angela as they got into Gretchen's beat-up little Mazda. She didn't
meet any of their eyes, choosing to stare at the front of her house, lips
pursed, a vein in her right temple bulging.
"She's upset," Jesse said, rushing to keep up with Shaun and Gretchen.
"No shit," Gretchen said as they piled into her car. "She's always been kind of
high-strung, but holy shit. I'm never getting married."
Shaun grunted, climbing into the back, unsurprised when Jesse chose to ride
shotgun, but glaring after him regardless.  
They drove to the local shopping mall and Gretchen parked amongst a sea of
fellow shop-goers. "How about Subway?"
No one objected and they walked the short distance to the little shop. It was
pretty busy, being a Saturday and all, and Shaun got in line behind Gretchen
and Jesse, glaring at the fat bitch ordering ahead of them. Clearly, the Subway
diet wasn't working for her.
"So…how mad is Angela," Jesse asked Gretchen as the girl scanned over the menu.
"Oh my god. She's impossible," Gretchen said dramatically, fanning herself with
her hand. "Ben's always been in bands. They've just always had their own
practice space. She's totally cockblocking him!"
"Cockblocking?"
"Don't you see, Jesse. This is my band now too! Her precious little sister!"
Gretchen tried fluttering her eyes like some innocent little girl. The black
makeup, tattoos and piercings kind of ruined the visage though. "And all she
can care about is this fucking wedding. I mean, c'mon. It's like she thinks the
editors of Brides are covering the event. It's just some backyard shindig! She
can't stand the thought of something Ben started being more important than
this."
"Maybe it was just bad timing," Jesse said diplomatically.
"Maybe she's just a stuck up bitch who wants all the glory," Shaun chimed in.
Gretchen hitched her thumb in Shaun's direction. "Exactly," she said.
The three of them ordered foot-longs and sat in the little dining area to eat.
"There's no way she's calling the wedding off. That'd be Angela's nightmare.
With all this fucking planning and bragging she's been doing, she'd rather have
the damn wedding and then break it off. Angela's something I'll never be, a
poser."
Shaun liked the sound of that. What the fuck would he do with a poser?
"Sounds like he picked the wrong chick," Shaun said smartly, getting hit on the
shoulder for his trouble. Shaun leveled a significant glare in the redhead's
direction and Jesse immediately rubbed his thigh under the table.
 He needn't have bothered though, for Gretchen nearly spit out a banana pepper.
"Me and Ben? Gross!"
"What's wrong with him?" Jesse asked, and Shaun promptly flicked Jesse's hand
off his thigh. "What?!"
"He's a nine-to-fiver," Gretchen said as Shaun and Jesse glared at one another.
"He lives in a cul-de-sac, and he cares way too much about what people think of
him. Not my type."
The rest of lunch was spent hypothesizing whether or not Angela and Ben would
make it work while Shaun steamed with jealousy. Despite three sessions of
lovemaking, Shaun still felt vulnerable next to Jesse's friendliness. The
redhead was way too nice with Shaun's bandmates for Shaun's comfort.
Either way, Gretchen apparently got a text from her sister, saying it was cool
to come back to the house and the three of them threw their shit away and drove
back.
It was starting to get late.
"So, I'm wearing this tonight," Gretchen said, sometime later, descending into
the basement practice space looking like a fucking gothic doll. A short black
skirt with chains, thigh high leather boots, and a top that looked like a
corset, whatever the effect the outfit had, was doubled by the fact that her
tits stood out, and prominently. Shaun instantly scowled.
"We want to impress them, not fuck them!"
"Well maybe I can do both."
Shaun continued to scowl, averting his eyes from Gretchen's cleavage. Jesse,
beside him, seemed finally to sense Shaun's discomfort and said nothing towards
Gretchen's new look.
"Ah…maybe Shaun's right. Maybe we should tone it down for now. Just focus on
our sound," Ben said, although his eyes had yet to leave Gretchen's cleavage.
"Well, what the fuck are you guys wearing?"
"This!" Shaun gestured to himself, to his faded jeans and a black shirt.
Absolutely, positively simple.
"Boring," Gretchen said. "C'mon! Where's your stage presence! I could do makeup
for everyone—"
"Nobody's fucking touching me," Shaun growled.
"Um, well, we've never bothered with face pain before," Ben said. "We've always
just kept it simple."
"And you never went anywhere, right?" Gretchen taunted.
"Because we didn't have anywhere to go!" Shaun cried. "Fuck this is stupid. Our
music is good. That's all that matters."
"Maybe, but what's wrong with a little eye candy?"
Shaun shook his head. "Whatever, slut, if you get gang raped after the show
tonight, I'm finding a replacement!"
Gretchen folded her arms over her impressive breasts. "Fine."
"Ok!" Ben turned to the room at large, his voice becoming louder as the topic
of dress was brushed under the rug. "How are we getting to this club? Do we all
want to drive separate?"
"You fucking said we could crash here, again, right?" Shaun asked.
"Uh, sure. I guess so, but what does that have to do with—"
"You drive," Shaun said. "And I'm drinking. I don't fucking think I can do this
sober."
"Ahh, poor baby's got stage fright!" Gretchen cackled while beside him, Jesse
rubbed his back. Shaun smacked Jesse's hand away.
"It's not fucking stage fright! I've been on stage plenty of times!"
"But you've never been the lead," Gretchen concluded. "If you're feeling
nervous now, stop fucking smoking, and here," she conjured up a beer from the
12 pack under the pool table. "Drink up. Liquid courage."
"Have you ever been the fucking lead?" Shaun asked nastily.
Gretchen quirked a brow at him. "Drink up," was all she said and Shaun,
grumbling under his breath, cracked open the beer and guzzled it down.
"Alright, so I'll drive Shaun and Jesse and you're leading the pack with your
Mazda," Ben clarified. "You’re the only one who knows where this place is."
"Yeah and we're planning on you being gang raped, so, best to drive separate,"
Shaun sneered.
"Ha fucking ha," Gretchen gave him the middle finger and Shaun obliged,
flipping the bird in return. "This is great, guys. Quality band meeting."
"That's for fucking sure," Shaun grumbled.
Ben clapped his hands together for attention. Even after he'd made up with his
stupid bitch of a fiancé, Ben had continued to look harassed. He looked even
more so now.
"Alright, let's get everything loaded up!"
"Ben has spoken, guys! Get to work!"
Shaun rolled his eyes but got up to dismantle his equipment. Jesse popped up
beside him, supplying him with another beer.
"You aren't that nervous, are you?" Jesse asked in hushed tones, as if his
whisper would keep Shaun's fear a secret. "You know you sound amazing, right?"
"Jesus Christ, Jesse!" But Shaun took the beer anyway, waving Jesse off of him.
The redhead's expression turned into an enormous pout, and he left Shaun to his
work, going to help his slutty drummer carry her shit upstairs and to her car.
Shaun sighed heavily and drained half of the proffered beer into his gullet.
"It's going to be alright, man," Ben said as Jesse and Gretchen toddled
upstairs with their heavy loads. Ben clapped Shaun on the shoulder, leaving his
hand there to comfort. Shaun violently tore away from the other man.
"I know it will!"
Ben pulled back, hands up in a classic pose of surrender. "Hey, worse thing
that'll happen is they don't like us. We don't have to do this again, you
know?"
"Shut the fuck up!" Shaun felt his stomach clench. Why wouldn't they like it?!
Why had Ben even fucking said that?!
"Hey, that's neither here nor there. We wrote some awesome songs and I'm sure
everyone's going to enjoy them."
Now he was being placated! "I don't—don't fucking say anything else!" Shaun
grabbed his guitar and struggled momentarily to get his amp under the opposite
shoulder, and then he was barreling out of the basement, and out of the house
like someone had put a fire under his ass.
Jesse and Gretchen were fooling around with Gretchen's drum shit when Shaun
came out to the driveway. They were haggling over how to pack the dumb shit but
Shaun just ignored them. He went to Ben's car, set the amp down, and pulled on
the handle.
Locked.
"Goddamn motherfucking bullshit!" Shaun screamed. He nearly threw his guitar,
but with an enormous amount of effort, he leaned the instrument against the car
door and stormed back inside.
"BEN!"
"Coming!" Ben's voice floated up from downstairs in the basement.
"THE CAR'S LOCKED!"
"Oh," Ben appeared at the top of the stairs, glancing nervously at Shaun. He
withdrew his keys from his back pocket and hit the unlock button. "There. Good
to go."
"How the fuck did you forget to unlock the door with all your AMAZING
planning?!" Shaun didn't wait for an answer, just went back to his guitar and
amp, stowing them in the backseat. "Fuck!" he cried, slamming the door shut as
hard as possible then he went around to the front seat and grabbed shotgun
before Jesse could. He was super sick of sitting in the backseat!
He watched Jesse and Gretchen amble back to the house, and watched them return
momentarily with more equipment. Ben came out with his amp, Angela trailing
with his bass. She looked hard in the direction of Ben's car, shaking her head.
"C'mon! Are we leaving or not!" Shaun wrenched open the car door to yell at his
bandmates, his boyfriend and the fucking cunt Ben was trying to marry. They all
scrambled to comply and Shaun sat back in his seat, wondering wildly if Ben had
anything sharp in his car. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this
nervous. Maybe auditioning for Will had called for similar anxiety, but Shaun
had stopped those stupid nerves with a knife against his flesh. This was
totally fucked up!
Ben jumped into the driver's seat followed closely by Jesse, hopping into the
back.
"Is that everything?" Ben asked and when Shaun began to growl, he simply
shifted the car into reverse.
This club was in a city close to Dallas, more than an hour away. Shaun was
royally pissed nobody had thought to bring alcohol and with no outlet, no way
to release his terrible anxiety, Shaun sat stiff as a board, staring at the
window, stewing in hundreds of thousands of negative thoughts.
Nobody had ever liked him. This was the stupidest idea ever. Who was going to
like this stupid band that played Shaun's stupid songs. Nobody. That was who.
Occasionally Jesse put a hand on Shaun's shoulder and squeezed but it was
almost like Shaun's whole body was numb. He couldn't feel Jesse's touch no
matter how hard or how long Jesse squeezed.
Jesse and Ben were talking. First about the fucking weather. Like it was ever
any different. Then about the weather in the places Jesse had used to live.
Apparently Detroit got very cold.
Shaun did his best to tune them out.
Finally, Gretchen' s little red Mazda pulled off the highway and Ben followed
her. "I think this is our stop," he said.
Shaun's guts twisted.
"Pull over!" he shouted. Ben and Jesse argued over how and when to pull over,
but Shaun shouted at them again. "NOW!" he cried and Ben shrugged and simply
jerked the car sharply to the left, hitting the rumble strip.
Shaun leapt out of the car, ran to the grass and threw up his Subway dinner.
Even after all the solids came lurching out of his belly, Shaun still dry
heaved and he fell to his knees, fisting the grass and trying not to cry. What
the fuck was he thinking! He couldn't do this!
"Baby?"
Shaun growled, turning to see Jesse kneeling beside him.
"What?!"
Jesse's face softened, those beautiful blue eyes, sparkling with some kind of
emotion Shaun didn't have the strength to determine. Jesse hand him a stick of
gum.
Shaun laughed. What? Did his breath smell now? He threw the stick of gum and
resumed his crouched posture, starting at the puddle of vomit below him. He was
a piece of shit, always had been, always would be. There was no point in this.
Defaced was his baby and that meant it too was nothing but shit.
"What are you thinking?"
"That I'm shit!" Shaun yelled. "Look at me!"
"I'm looking at my boyfriend. And he's really fucking nervous," Jesse said as
Shaun sobbed and dry heaved again. "But I've been watching him for quite awhile
and I would never support him writing music, starting a band, fucking going to
his first show, if I thought he was shit. Do you think I love shit?"
"I don't know what the fuck you love," Shaun cried. "I barely even know you."
"Now that's some bullshit."
Shaun laughed at the dry humor. He heaved again, but nothing more was in his
stomach. He sat back, his hands making fists on his thighs.
"I know you, Shaun. I promise, I know you," Jesse said, his voice getting
louder, dulling the sound of traffic rushing past them. "You are an amazing
player. Do this for me, and I promise you, you'll be alright. More than
alright. You'll be famous."
Shaun looked towards the other boy, watching his red hair blow about his sweet
face. Those blue eyes were intent on Shaun and he sobbed again, lunging for the
redhead, wrapping him in his arms.
"You can do this, Shaun. You were born to do this. All that fucking hate you
grew back home? It's going to be your voice. Don't let it trample you, rise
above it."
"W—why am I so fucking scared?!" Shaun cried. He tried to bury his face in
Jesse's shoulder but the other boy had already heard him.
"Because everything's about to change. I'm scared too, Shaun. But I'm more
afraid of you becoming so good, you'll leave me behind. I'm not afraid, not for
one second, that you get up on that stage and fail. Absolutely not. You are
going to shine, Shaun. For once, people are going to love you. Are you ready
for that?"
Shaun held onto the other boy for moment longer, loving the way his warm little
body made him feel more stable, grounded. He was fucking kneeling in vomit and
he had a show to perform. This was seriously stupid.
Shaun stood up, quickly followed by Jesse. Shaun brushed himself off, but
thankfully he didn't look much worse for wear. Thank god Ben had stopped the
car before he'd puked all over himself, the bassist and their equipment. Jesse
was right. Those fucking assholes back home had groomed him to be the best
metal musician ever. Who else grew up with an entire town's hate?
"Everything happens for a reason, right?" Shaun said, remembering his
grandmother telling him that once. Long ago. He'd just been asking why his
father had killed his mother. Why everyone at school hated him and ran away
from him. When she'd told him God had a plan and that it was a good one, Shaun
had nearly ripped her face off. This was good? Someone meant for this to happen
to him? But staring at Jesse, now, in the half light of the setting sun,
beautiful in the oranges and reds of twilight, Shaun knew it must have been
true. Jesse had always been meant for him. Everything that had ever happened in
Shaun's fucked up life had been leading to this day and Shaun wasn't a pussy.
He was going to meet destiny head on.
Together, he and Jesse made their way back to Ben's car. Slightly ahead of
them, Gretchen's red Mazda was pulled over on the shoulder. She cupped her
hands over her mouth.
"We good?" She called.
"Yep! Let's go!" Jesse called back.
The two of them got into the backseat of Ben's car. Ben turned to face them.
"That's why I didn't want you drinking. Shit. Glad I stopped in time."
"Me too," Shaun said, clearing his throat. "C'mon. Let's do this thing."
They had to wait a few moments until the coast was clear, but then Gretchen's
Mazda pulled back onto the exit and Ben zipped forward after her. The rest of
the way to the club, Shaun's head was clear. He simply held onto Jesse's hand
and watched night fall onto the grungy city surrounding them. When Gretchen
pulled into the club's parking lot, full to bursting, and they followed her
around back, Shaun felt nothing but anticipation.
He had something to show all these people tonight. He just hoped they were
ready for it.
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