Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2125737.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      弱虫ペダル_|_Yowamushi_Pedal
  Relationship:
      Midousuji_Akira/Onoda_Sakamichi
  Character:
      Onoda_Sakamichi, Midousuji_Akira, Everyone_at_Some_Point
  Additional Tags:
      Blood, Injury, Fighting, social_anxiety-Onoda, depression-Midousuji,
      Fluff, stalkers, Panic_Attacks, Bullying, Sexual_Harassment, reveals_the
      interhigh_winners, Abuse, Self_Harm, Awkward_Boners, mommy_issues-
      Midousuji, Denial_of_Feelings, Obsessive_Behavior, awkward_crushes,
      Texting-_eventual_sexting, dysfunctional_family-Midousuji, terrible
      flirting, healing_relationships, Slow_Build, pushing_away, embarrassing
      mothers, First_Kiss, Awkward_Kissing, over_the_clothes_action, shy
      virgin-Midousuji, he's_ready_for_that_D-Onoda, mental_manipulation,
      Naruko_x_Imaizumi_side_relationship, Kittens, Nail_Biting, gross_habits,
      slight_communication_failure, Orgasm_Denial, Teasing, sweet/awkward
      boyfriends, Sexual_Tension, Abandoned_Work_-_Unfinished_and_Discontinued
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-08-12 Updated: 2014-11-02 Chapters: 9/? Words: 40854
****** Perfect Imperfection ******
by kIMBruHLEEh
Summary
     Midousuji doesn't want to let anyone in and pushes everyone away with
     his strange mannerisms and rude behavior, Onoda sees past it and is
     determined to become his friend.
Notes
     This takes place kind of after the second and third race in Inter
     High. A lot of spoiliers for just this first chapter, but this kind
     of has my take on the interaction between Midousuji and Onoda and its
     needed for the plot. I want to try and keep it as cannon as possible
     so if anything seems off let me know!
***** Onoda- Hurt *****
Everything seems to go by in a blur as soon as the rest of our team crosses the
finish line, I remember collapsing onto the cool cement next to Naruko and
wishing I could close my eyes and sleep off my fatigue, my soreness, my thighs
and calves muscles, inflamed, but it’s a good type of pain because it reminds
me that I tried my hardest, I helped my team cross the finish line today and we
did it together and that’s all that matters.
Everyone is here, I am happy, I remember thinking as I soak in the warmth of
the son pouring down on us before a large shadow towers over us, the coolness
of the shade is a minor relief from the heat, but not by much. 
But it wasn’t time to rest, much to my dismay; I stand on shaky legs and follow
my team to the award ceremony, grinning the entire time! First place! Out of
all the amazing bikers here our team finished at the top together with all our
amazing team work! The other schools did so well too! The race has been so
amazing!
Hakogaku taking second place; and I’m glad for them! I grin widely over at the
team, I really wish I was able to see all of them race; they must have been so
amazing! and I feel my cheeks warm up and my smile widens  sheepishly when I
realize I had unintentionally been staring  down Akakita in my daze and he’s
caught me, brows drawing down in a tighter scowl and his upper lip curling into
a snarl as he jerks his head to turn away from me. That was embarrassing, I
thought before I quickly turn my gaze back to the stage.  
Fuktomi’s features remained hardened as usual, but something about him was
different, he’s glowing. I think to myself, my eyes shift to Kinjou standing on
the first place podium, he looks the same, that same aura about both of them.
As if they finally found some kind of peace.
As the winners of the second half of the Inter-High race are introduced to the
crowd over the loud speakers my eyes drift over at the mention of the third
place podium where Kyofushi Academy’s ace should be standing. Empty. Was he
late? Did something happen to that guy? I scan the crowd in search of the
bright pink jerseys but it was over crowded, a sea of colorful uniforms
surrounded us, loud, cheering, it was impossible to see or find anyone and my
legs wouldn’t allow me to go searching either, they barely held me up as they
were. I hope he’s ok.
---
I never thought in all my wildest dreams I would be so happily flopping down
onto a hard, sleeping-mat and think, this is so comfortable, I never want to
move. I feel so refreshed, after a nice bath and a good meal I was so ready for
sleep, it felt as if all my life has been waiting for this moment, everything
that has ever happened to me led me up to this moment of cosmic destiny, for me
to sleep on this unsupportive and very thin mat, on thishard floor in this very
hotel.
 Sleep grips at me, tugs me slowly into semi-consciousness, my pulse slows and
my breathing gradually evens out and my mind fills with images that  I can’t
exactly make out and seem random, fast moving lines and colorful blotches, none
of it exactly make any since but that’s just fine. I am mere moments from
fulfilling fate’s plans the floor board creeks and the door slides open, but of
course to someone disorientated by sleep the noises set off panic alarms and
had me jolting up right yelling something  that to me I’m not exactly sure if I
dreamed myself yelling it or if I actually did.
“Uh, Onoda… are you ok..?” Kinjou hesitates, refusing to step past the
threshold. Of course I had to do something embarrassing at a time like this. I
try to play it off, stretching my arms above my head and exacerbating a loud
yawn.
“Oh boy..! I’m gonna be feeling it tomorrow!” For some reason I lost control of
the volume of my voice and said that unnecessarily loud. Why did I even say
that? It sounds so stupid. I laugh obnoxiously loud and end up snorting, at
which point I just give up on trying to salvage my dignity because it’s already
gone.
“Did you need something, Kinjou?” I ask softly, smiling awkwardly at my team
captain. His deadpan expression makes my cheeks even warmer than they already
were.
“Would you be willing to do a task for me?” Kinjou asks, folding his arms
across his chest as he leans against the doorframe. I nod enthusiastically, why
wouldn’t I be willing to help out?
“Of course..!” My mouth opens and closes a few times after the words leave my
lips as if searching for more to say but I settle on pressing them in a thin
line as I push back my covers and stand on wobbly knees. I start to daze off,
thinking about that if they’re this sore now, I’m dreading tomorrow. At the
same time the pain is a good thing, it means I’m getting stronger, so I can’t
really complain too much.
“…The lobby, tapes and sprays, got that?” Kinjou finishes; I hadn’t realized he
even begun. My entire posture becomes tense and I nod while biting my lower-lip
to keep me from speaking even though I missed half of what he said I am too
embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself I don’t want to disappoint him. I
figure I couldn’t have missed more than a few seconds of his chatter anyway.
---
The whole “favor” escapade has me running in circles, first I go to the lobby
and talk to the first person I see, which is the clerk at the desk, they say
they know nothing about tape and sprays, and I felt kind of foolish for asking
anyway, why would an Inn keep those sorts of things? But they told me about a
pharmacy on a national route. He gives me directions that I write down in my
phone and saved it as a draft message.
I thanked him and went on my way, which is how I got to where I am now;
climbing up the hill the clerk directed me towards. It’s nice. The sun is
setting, painting the sky with soft swirl of pink and yellow, not a cloud in
sight; street lights are starting to come on, lighting up the paved path ahead
of me.
Even with sore legs and practically running on fumes I found myself actually
enjoying the climb, grinning to myself as I hummed the chorus of “Love Hime.”
But I hear something and I stop suddenly, biting the tip of my tongue.
The rolling of wheels, another bike..? Who else could be riding up this path at
this time? Am I just so tired that I’m starting to imagine things now? Out of
curiosity I increase my speed, and up ahead, I see a blurry figure barely
rounding a corner! Yes, I am not crazy!
When I am finally at a close enough distance to identify the rider I
practically lose my balance and fall off my bike but I manage to salvage the
situation by pushing off the ground with my foot and composing myself. What was
Midousuji-kun doing out here so late? Was he running errands too?  I wonder.
Oh no, I’m catching up with him, at this rate I will pass him, that would be
rude wouldn’t it? To pass someone without saying anything at all, should I say
hi? Or… my train of thought is lost when I see his face, even from a distance I
could make out his features clearly. His demeanor is completely different from
when he’s racing. His eyes are kind of glazed over, like he’s lost in another
word, and there is something about that makes my heart ache.
My lips tug downward and brows knit together. Did something bad happen? Is he
upset? Maybe… I could cheer him up somehow? But I don’t know what to talk
about. I chew on my inner cheek, gripping my handle bars tight as I curse at my
social-awkward tendencies, but it’s too late, my time has run out.
“T-this is a coincidence, Mido--…” He doesn’t even look back at me so I bite my
tongue, cheeks flushing, I am too quiet; he probably can’t even hear me. I
clear my throat, increasing my cadence to close the gap between us and I try
again, this time with more confidence.
“U-um, ah, Mi--Midousuji-kun, are you out shopping too?” I ask, but I receive
no response. He stares at me with wide eyes; the hospital mask he’s wearing is
strange, but it’s none of my business, I just think it’s harder to read him
with it in the way.
“Ah- u-um… uh..!” I stammer, my glasses fogging up from the heat rising in my
cheeks. I shut my mouth for a second, biting the skin off my inner cheek. My
heart stammers and I will it to settle, remind myself to calm down. I look up,
smiling at him nervously.
“I was..!” I start off slowly, “Arsked by Kin…” I stop myself, realizing that
he might not know who Kinjou is, “By my captain,” I correct myself, and from
there the words just start coming out of my mouth, I don’t know why now is the
time that I had to suffer from verbal diarrhea, “To get more tapes and sprays…
when I talked to the people at the Inn, they said the only place is this huge
pharmacy that’s ahead of the national route on this mountain so I went by
bike…” It wasn’t until the near end of my communications disaster that I
realized how stupid it all sounded, he isn’t even looking at me anymore; he
isn’t even trying to pretend to be interested! My voice slowly trailed off into
a thick silence as we climbed.
“I thought it would be rude to pass by without saying something…”  I try to
recover, but my cheeks are already burning and I can’t tear my gaze from the
rode as I pass over it in a blur.
“So I…” I practically swallow my tongue as a realization hits me. Midousuji has
been loud and so… eccentric from the moment I first learned of his existence
when he crawled out from whatever dark hole he’s been hiding in and stepped in
the spot light to show off his strange personality. But… what if that’s only
how he is when he races? Some people are like that aren’t they? They change
during sport competitions because of competitive nature! Maybe Midousuji is
like that; maybe he’s even a nice person!
“…”
“Midousuji-kun… um…” I draw out, anxiety told me to shut my mouth and just ride
away, save my self this embarrassment, but apparently I am a glutton for making
a fool of myself, “Ca-Can I ask you something..?” To which he says nothing, he
remains fixated on the road in front of him, his brows draw forward slightly
and I think I see the faintest twitch of his lower eyelid. It’s almost like he
wants to respond but doesn’t know how. I can relate, it fuels me with more
determination!
“No. Stop talking to me.” He’s so quiet, it’s foreign to me. There is weight
behind his words so heavy it nearly knocks me off balance. The way those words
roll of his tongue, so rehearsed. My heart aches again for the second time and
I can’t find it in me to do as he asks, stop talking to him. He pushes everyone
away and uses them during competitions as his tools. Does he have any friends…?
That strikes a chord within me, like lighting a fire in my belly I find my
voice again after something that I had shoved to the back of my mind until now
dawns on me.
“Th-there is something that I… really, really wanted to ask you for a while,
ah… you…” My excitement bubbles up from my stomach to my throat and I can’t
hold it back anymore.
“You keep saying, “zaku, zaku,” all the time… could it be that you like anime?”
I ask, my voice’s volume increasing with delight because I am almost completely
sure that he is an anime fan, how else would he know about zakus? Why didn’t I
think of this sooner?
“Ani…haa…?” Midousuji slurs out with wide-eyed befuddlement.
“I THINK ZAKU IS WONDERFUL! THE BOTTOM OF THE ARMY!! FOR A STANDARD MODEL, IT
HAS BOTH FUNCTIONAL BEAUTY AND STRENGTH!! ISN’T THAT AMAZING?!AND SINCE YOU’RE
THE ONE ORGANIZING THEM, MIDOUSUJI-KUN… THAT MAKES YOU THE CRIMSON COMMAND
ROBOT!” I deadpan as soon as I realize that I had been yelling, another wave of
silence settles between us as I inwardly curse at my inability to control my
word vomit around this topic.
Midousuji increases his cadence and climbs up the hill ahead of me, to get away
from me. It feels as if something is jabbed through my chest and makes my lungs
cease up as I watch him driving further ahead.
“S-sorry…” I creak out with weakly, “A…anyone would know what a zaku is, at
least… I got ahead of myself… um… I’m sorry about that… just ignore me…” I
lower my head, trying to fight back the heat creeping onto my face, burning my
ears and neck.
“I just thought that maybe that was the case…” I feel so stupid for blurting
all of that nerdy stuff out at someone I barely know so suddenly… he must think
I am an otaku creep now.
“Idiot,” Midousuji chides. I look up, blinking owlishly because I never
expected a response.
“If you’re gonna compare me to crimson, I would be… “The Royal Army’s Humanoid
Battle Weapon,” Unit 02.” Midousuji explains, and my jaw drops in awe, my eyes
widening, amazing! I was RIGHT! He DOES like anime!
“THE CRIMSON UNIT 02..!” He’s right, it is a perfect fit!  I think giddily as I
increase my speed and catch up to him in a second or so.
“MI…MIDOUSUJI-KUN!!” I call out, louder than necessary since I am riding right
beside him, but I can’t help it, I am excited! Finally! He’s opening up to me!
I can’t stop smiling now!
“W-why don’t we ride together to the pharmacy?! There’s so much I want to talk
with you about! At the top of that mountain—“
“NO.” He interrupts abruptly, stopping my thought process dead in its tracks.
So much for our relationship progress; baby steps… why does he shut everyone
out like this? I open my mouth to ask why he wouldn’t want to but he continues
and I instantly snap my mouth shut.
“There is no point in flocking together,” He says dejectedly while I think he
meant to come off as annoyed.
“I’m not riding with you.” He says after a few moments of silence had passed.
The way he says it gets to me, there is more to it. It sounds like he doesn’t
want to ride with anyone, ever, like he’s given up.
“Go ahead of me.” He sounds so drained, deflated. I can’t leave him like this,
how can he expect me to do that? Is that what everyone around him has done?
Just moved past him without a second thought?
“Otherwise, I will.” He adds as an afterthought, and my stomach drops at that.
Does he really not want to try and make any friends, to get to know anyone..?
He must be so lonely.
“I was always alone and…” I force it to come out, I don’t like talking about
it, myself, how I felt, it makes me sound pathetic, I think, but I think he
needs to hear it, that he isn’t alone, “I never had anyone to talk anime with,”
I confess, staring down at the road, it’s easier than looking up, at him.
“I would always go by myself, to Akiba..!” I don’t like thinking about it, it
takes be back, reminds me of that feeling I would get wandering Akiba by
myself.
“I’d collect CDs and figures and books… and make a round trip of 90 KM by bike
every week!” It was lonely but all that stuff made me happy, with anime, I
didn’t feel so alone, it sounds so cheesy but it is what it is.
“During summer vacation… I went there every day without fail!” Without school
there was nothing else for me, I didn’t have friends to hang out with or
anything, so I figured, why not?
And finally Midousuji looks back at me, at first it’s the same wide-eyed
expression, and I am not sure if any of my confession got through to him but I
smile at him anyway, genuine, warm. And it happens so fast, his expression
softens for the first time since I’ve known him, but it’s brief, and I like to
think, if the mask weren’t in the way that he would be smiling back at me too,
and I try to picture it, his mouth closed and lips curled upward softly, but
then it’s gone. A memory now, something I file into the back of my mind
somewhere safe for me to keep. 
His hand slides onto his thigh and he grips it tightly, considering how hard he
rode today I bet they are very sore; but he surprises me by standing upright,
dancing as he says, “If you want to race me that badly then… I’ll do it.”
“Eh, race?!” But my body is so worn out; I don’t think I physically can pull
off a race right now. He looks back at me over his shoulder, a dark look in his
eyes that I can’t decipher.
“Whoever reaches the pharmacy first wins… if you win… We can talk about as much
anime as you want.”
“OK!” I agree without a second thought.
And he takes off, he’s so fast! Excitement bubbles up from within me again and
for that time I forget about my sore muscles and exhaustion and I pedal hard,
chasing and keeping up with him each time he sped up. I can’t help but squeal
with joy, this is so much fun! He keeps getting faster, amazing! He is barely
even trying!
“Ah, Midousuji-kun..!” I call out, panting irregularly.
“You’re so fast, Midousuji-kun!” I compliment while I admire his technique. His
bike, so small, wind resistant, he uses his long body to his advantage, so
cool! I am a little jealous! But even trying my hardest on a good day I know I
wouldn’t be able to pass him. I feel a wave of disappointment wash over me as
we pull into the pharmacy parking lot. I lost.
I hop off my bike, letting it lean against a rock wall railing and I place one
hand on my seat and the other on my knee, hunched over slightly.
“Y…you’re so fast… you… you even have a bag on…” I manage out as I try to catch
my breath, exhaustion and soreness return to me with vengeance.
“Even if I wasn’t tired from today’s race… I still wouldn’t have caught up,” I
confess.
“But I really um…” A dark cloud looms over my head. Did this mean he wouldn’t
talk with me at all now that I lost? I really hope not, “I’m really sad about
not being able to talk about the royal army or anime… or Love Hime… or
moguerin… aah…” I deflate.
“Just one thing,” Midousuji starts with, “That I want to ask you,” and I jump
the gun.
“ABOUT ANIME..?!” I blurt out, I blame my exhaustion.
“Just now…” He clarifies.
“Ah… yes, what is it?” I was wrong…
“You were smiling while we were racing, was it because you wanted to win and
talk about anime?” He asks, eyebrows raising high.
It dawns on me then; he and his team are such serious and strict racers! I must
have offended him or made him uncomfortable with how I acted!
“Eh, I-I’m sorry, did that distract you?! I’m sorry; I should have acted more
seriously since it was a race!” I apologize profusely, waving my hands around
spastically.
“No… I’m asking purely out of interest.” He clarifies. My heart skips a beat
and my face fills with color, I avert my gaze, anywhere else but at him, the
ground is interesting. I rub the toe of one shoe against the other timidly.
“Eh… well, I was looking forward to talking about anime… But how should I say
this? It just happens… When I’m riding my bike… especially when I’m riding with
someone else… I enjoy myself so much that I can’t help but smile.” I look up,
smiling up at Midousuji kindly.
“Ah, b-but I do take riding very seriously when it’s a race! Oh, but I did
rather enjoy singing with Tadokoro-san at the end today… NO, I MEAN I’M ALWAYS
VERY SERIOUS!”
“You’re really gross.”
“DOHYAAAA!?” I exclaim as his insult impales me like a stake through the chest,
“Is… is that so… I knew it…” I turn my back to him briefly, hiding the
crestfallen expression on my face.
“T-tomorrow Mi—since it’s the last day… um, let’s do our be…st… huh?” I turn
around to see Midousuji riding away, already long out of hearing range.
“Was he not on his way here to go shopping?” I ask aloud myself but only
receive silence as an answer. With a sigh I grab my bike and push it over to
the stand and lock it up then take one last look behind me, Midousuji long
gone. Maybe I will see him tomorrow after the final race.
---
Somewhere I could hear the wheels of my bike turning, clicking as if something
were stuck in the tire rim. It gradually slows down as I stare up at the blue
sky passes overhead on the last day of the race; clear, just like the day
before. It’s beautiful today.
I can’t feel anything.  I lift my numb, tingling arm, pinpricks coursing
through each finger. I pull it into my view, overhead. Blood..? The palms of my
glove are shredded, the skin is pealed back and it takes a moment for the pain
to register, everything does, slowly every bump and bruise makes itself known
to me. How did I get here?
The last day of the race, the vibe had been good up until Machimiya  showed up
and left everyone discouraged and thrown off with his attitude. But I had kept
my goals in mind; catch up with Kinjou with the team, that’s all we needed to
do.
But I had gotten separated, sucked into the pack and Machimiya  went on ahead,
it was no good, I couldn’t let him pass Kinjou, it was the least I could do.
I had ridden hard, determined to be helpful to my team, and I caught up with
Machimiya . It was just the two of us on an upward climb and one of us would
either fall back and into the pack again or progress on. Or at least that was
what I thought.
At the very top of the hill I nearly pass him, it’s all a blur, it happened so
fast. He kicks the front wheel of my bike and causes me to lose control, there
was no stopping it.
I fall off the road, down a steep cliff with my bike in toe, something breaks
off my bike at some point and lodges itself deep within my thigh; sharp rocks
cut into me as I skid down the unforgiving embankment; the world spun around me
as I tumbled and as soon as I hit the ground everything went dark. Now here I
am.
Someone will come looking for me right? I think fleetingly, staring up at the
road. Maybe Machimiya  didn’t mean to hit my wheel, or maybe he didn’t intend
for me to fall down here so he’s getting help… maybe… I hope so.
My eyelids droop, as a wooziness grips hold of me, my stomach does flip flops
and my head spins, darkness pulls at me once again, and when I reopen my eyes
the sky is dark, the stars are bright. The forest around me is nearly pitch
black. I have to get out of here.
I force myself up on my elbows, biting my lip to suppress a cry. It takes me a
long time to fully sit up, everything hurts. The strap of my helmet is rubbing
my under chin raw; I grab at it with shaky fingers and unclasp it, then throw
it off to the side, near my bike. It’s damaged. One of the handlebars is bent
pack and a tire is missing.
I look down to my thigh, were something metal is sticking into my skin and it’s
surreal. It can’t actually be happening. I can’t believe it. I reach out and
touch it briefly. What do I do? Take it out or leave it in?
What’s that sound? I look up with wide eyes, seeing something shine, through
the trees, on the road, moving forward, towards my location. They’ll never see
me down here.
I grab onto the tree near me and pull myself up and then, keeping my injured
leg stiff, I move forward, up the hill I fell down.
“P-please… please… see me… please notice me…” I choke out, my knees buckle and
I fall, I grab onto a sticker bush and whimper as the needles embed themselves
into my palm. I look up again and see that whoever is almost here. I’m running
out of time.
I swallow down the lump in my throat and force myself to keep going; sweat
pouring down my brow and my body shaking feverishly with every move.
Finally at the top I fall to my hands and knees, panting hard and I heave
dryly, but nothing comes out aside from a little bit of water I drank earlier
during the race.  I’m vaguely aware of the figure approaching me, it is then
that I realize they are on bike, and the light that I had seen was from the
street lights reflecting off of the safety reflector.
“Oh… it’s you..? Your team has been looking… for…”
I look up to see Midousuji staring at me with wide-eyed horror, and I don’t
think I have ever seen him move so fast after that, he throws down his bike to
the ground and races over to me, crouching down he places a hand on my back.
“What happened?” He demands, grabbing my cheeks with a gloved hand so that my
lips puckered as he turns my head so that I’m looking at him, the gentleness of
his touch tells me he doesn’t exactly mean to come off so intimidating but the
way he has his teeth clenched counteracts it.
“I… uh… um… I fell… I just… lost control… of my bike… and, I landed… down
there… I’m really clumsy!” I choke out; something is swelling in my mouth,
tastes like iron.
“Tch… whatever..! Get up, get up! Let me see,” He snaps, grabbing me under the
armpits to pull me up to my feet before I could protest. If it weren’t for him
still holding onto me I would have tumbled back down to the ground.
“M-Midousuji-kun… I can’t hold myself up…” 
“This,” He stresses, touching my thigh just below piece of metal lodged into
it, “Needs to come out. Hold onto me to support your-self,” He warns; and I
place my hands on his shoulders, feeling slightly daunted that his crouching
height is my full height.
“N-NO! Please don’t do that!” I cry out when he just barely tugs at it, but the
piece sheathed inside of me rubs against a raw nerve and has my knees caving
in. I wrap my arms fully around his shoulders to keep myself standing; I’m
starting to feel dizzy. He says nothing, places a hand on my hip and I think
it’s meant to be a comforting gesture, but it does nothing to quell the pain as
he slowly jimmies the intrusion out of me. By the end of it I am a sobbing
mess; part of me feels guilty for staining his clean shirt with my snot and
tears.
My entire body is shaking and I can feel something warm trickling down my
thigh. Blood, I knew. I vaguely remember feeling a tug at the bottom of my
shirt and hearing fabric ripping, then pressure as he wraps it around the wound
tightly, before my head lulls, cheek resting against his shoulder and sleep
calls to me, promising comfort and solace.
He’s so warm…
***** Onoda-Stalker *****
Bright… so bright… where am I? My eyes strain against the harsh light boring
down into my sensitive retinas. As soon as my vision focuses and adjusts to the
light I realize I can’t exactly see where I am anyway. Everything is blurry. I
touch the bridge of my nose and feel a bandage there. Where are my glasses? I
turn my head from side to side, I think I am in a hospital bed, from what I can
make out it sure looks like one, to the left is a night stand, I think… but I
don’t see my glasses anywhere on it.
“Onoda-kun..! You’re awake!” Naruko’s voice booms from somewhere to the right
of me; I look towards it, squinting, but all I can make out is a blob of red.
“N-Naruko… um…”I pause, tongue darting out to dampen my dry lips. Memories
flood back to me slowly. The race, the crash, Midousuji… that’s right… when I
crashed I must have lost my glasses, I didn’t even notice, of course I had
other things I was worried about.  I lower my head as my stomach knots up,
guilt, “I-I… uh… I didn’t… help the team… I’m sorry, Naruko-kun…” My voice
sounds strained, my throat feels dry. I lick my lips again and swallow down
what little moisture was in my mouth.
“What are you talking about?! That isn’t your fault! It was an accident!”
Naruko insist, he reaches out and clasps my bandaged up hand in his, at first I
don’t think he realizes what he’s doing and his hands jerk back and he
apologizes quickly, but I didn’t feel anything.
“It’s ok…” I assure him meekly.
“Same goes for you!  Alright, Onoda..? Don’t be so hard on yourself! You took a
nasty spill, it could have happened to anyone! It’s just bad luck.” He
promises, placing his hand lightly over my forearm, careful this time. Even
though his features are hard to make out I can tell he’s grinning, I offer a
smile in return, but I still feel awful.
“Um… so… h-how did the team do?” I inquire with curiosity. A part of me hoped
that Machimiya didn’t win at all.
“Good! Really good! We can talk about it later, right now you focus on getting
better alright? The team has been worried you know? So hurry up and feel
better, so we can all get back to riding together!” Naruko grins wider as he
pats my shoulder. I smile back, wider, blushing at his words. They’re all
worried about me? I feel conflicted, half of me feels terrible for making such
a fuss, but the other is flattered.
I hear the door creek and I squint over at the figure walking in, dark hair,
tan jacket, it’s hard to distinguish, but upon seeing me they stop, Naruko
looks back and acknowledges them with a grunt.
“Onoda, you’re up..? Naruko did you wake him?” That voice, it had to be
Imaizumi.
“TCH! Why do you go right to accusing me, Hot-Shot?!” Naruko retorts, standing
to face him with his fists balled. I really hope they don’t fight in here.
Imaizumi blows air out through his teeth and moves past Naruko to stand at my
bedside. He reaches out and ruffles my hair, and it feels nice, I smile up at
him and sigh with content.
“Are you feeling ok, Onoda?” Imaizumi asks gently; I nod while pressing my lips
together in a thin line. I wasn’t feeling any pain; I’m sure whatever
medication the doctors are pumping into me through the various IV’s sticking
into my arms are making sure of that. My pride is a little hurt; I really
wanted to finish the race with my friends and I know Naruko said they were all
ok with it and did well anyway, but I can’t help but feel like I let them down.
“Hey, anyway… did you know who found you, Onoda-kun? You’ll never believe it…” 
Naruko chirps, leaning on the end of the bed with his elbows propping up his
head.
“Uh, y-yeah… I remember, it was M-Midousuji-kun…” I flinch at the annoyed click
of Imaizumi’s tongue.
“That guy is trouble…”  He mutters as Naruko busts up laughing; I look down at
him with my brows drawn together, confused. What’s so funny?
“Oh come on, Hot-Shot! You have to admit that it’s funny!” Naruko laughs,
covering his mouth with his hand to try and quiet down, but Imaizumi didn’t
budge; apparently whatever it was wasn’t funny to him.
“It’s not funny, he’s creepy…”  Imaizumi retorts; and he’s lowering his voice
as if he doesn’t want someone to hear him.
“W-what are you guys talking about..?” I ask quietly, looking between the two.
Naruko opens his mouth to speak but the door opening stops them, a tall figure
in the doorway; a figure in frilly colors shrieks and runs in, and I’m fairly
certain I know who it is…
“SAKAMICHI…! MY BABY..!” My mom sounds really upset, like she’s crying. She
rushes across the room and bumps Imaizumi out of her way with her hip so she
could get to me; she throws her arms around me and hugs me, crying loudly as
she comes at me with a bombardment of questions, during which Imaizumi and
Naruko wave goodbye to me from the doorway before leaving. They’re lucky. I
answer the first simple questions, like how I got hurt, then the next if I was
in pain, if anything was broken..? I didn’t know. Then she asks about my
glasses and I tell her they got lost in the crash.
“Oh, oh dear… ordering a new pair will take a while, a few weeks at most…” She
sighs, running her manicured fingers through my hair.
“And who is that sleepy person over there?” My mom asks, pointing towards the
window side of the room. I hadn’t noticed before but there is a figure there,
slouched on the bench with their head lulled to aside.  The brightness coming
in from the window made them even harder to make out with my bad eyesight.
“Uh, I can’t see, Mom… what do they look like?” I ask, watching her tap her
chin in thought.
“Hmm… very tall, skinny… pale…. Uh, he’s wearing black gloves…” She trails off,
tilting her head slightly to a side.
“Um… it sounds like you are talking about Midousuji-kun…” I space out, blinking
at the fuzzy figure in awe… I had to be wrong, the other day he was so eager to
get away from me. So why would he stay here like that? Was he…? My face burns
from the tip of my ears to my neck. Worried about me…? What is wrong with me? I
press my bandaged palm against my cheek as I try to convince myself there must
be another reason or explanation. But I can’t think of any.
“Midousuji..?” My mom says his name, as if somehow voicing it would give her
more information about him.
“He’s on another racing team; he’s really good, a-amazing actually! A-and um,
he helped me, after the crash, he found me…” I sputter out, trying not to sound
like I’m talking about my idol or my favorite anime, yet somehow it came out
like that anyway.
“He sounds like a very nice boy! I owe him, for taking care of you. What do you
think he likes to eat? I’ll cook him dinner!”
My mom goes off on a rant, talking mostly to herself and occasionally looking
back at me for me to agree with her, a simple nod is satisfying enough for her
and she continues on. I tune out most of it, but apparently she’s making plans
for dinner and listing a variety of foods and making mental shopping lists for
each possibly meal. After a while the sound of her constant chatter lulls me to
sleep.
When I wake up again it’s much later, and much to my surprise I can see; I
reach up and touch my glasses to confirm that they are in fact there, intact,
except for a small crack in the corner. But how are they back? I look up and
see my mother sitting where Midousuji had been, humming softly as she knits a
scarf...but why in the summer..?
“Mom..?” My voice has her looking up, smiling at me brightly; I point to my
glasses and she covers her mouth with her hand, giggling softly.
“Oh! Akira went and found them earlier this afternoon!” She explains, setting
down her knitting needles to the side before making her way to the side of my
bed. Akira…? Is she talking about Midousuji..? Have I really been asleep long
enough for their relationship to escalate to a first name basic? I look towards
the window, the stars are out. I slept for the entire day?  But still… he…
really did that? My heart pounds against my chest and a strange warmth spreads
out from there and makes my cheeks a darker shade of pink. What is this?
“He’s a very nice young man. He’ll be coming over Friday night for dinner!
We’re having Unagi Don!” She chirps excitedly. I still can’t imagine it,
Midousuji getting along with anyone, especially someone’s mother he doesn’t
know!
“Oh and I asked the doctor, you don’t have any breaks, but your ankle is
severely sprained, you’ll need to wear a boot for a while and not strain
yourself!” She says, patting my knee as she goes on to tell me that I won’t be
allowed to bike. My spirits sink at that. What will I do for weeks while my
ankle is healing? I groan, tossing my head back onto the pillow.
“How much longer will they keep me in here?” I ask.
“Until Tuesday,” She says with a thoughtful expression as she smoothens out my
blankets.
“Uh… Mom… eh… what’s today again..?” I ask sheepishly.
“Saturday,”
Three days… I can make it. I can survive this… if I am lucky I can sleep
through those three days just like I did today.
---
 I was not lucky; any concept relating to good fortune did not exist those
three days in the hospital.
Sunday, I woke up in the middle of the night because I turned wrong in my sleep
and the stitches on my thigh came undone, and at that point my pain medicine
was wearing off so it hurt, I was a mess, a sobbing, whining disaster.
The sight of the blood on the sheets made me woozy and so I vomited all over my
self, which lead to a very FUN experience of being having puke cleaned off of
me by a very old nurse with shaky hands and bad coffee breath.  That wasn’t
even the worst of it, no, that was just the beginning.
Later that afternoon Naruko and Imaizumi visit me with grim expressions and
tell me they were going to surprise me by fixing up my bike but when they tried
to find it, someone had already stolen it.
Monday morning’s brand of bad luck started with the nurses lowering my pain
medication, I didn’t think any of it at first, but after an hour I started to
feel everything that I had been missing out on. Every bruise, cut, scrape and
sore muscle ached and throbbed, making their existence known to me very
clearly.
My ankle was the worst of all, at one point in the day I even asked my mom if
she could just cut it off, to which she scolded me and told me to never speak
like that again.
Then Machimiya came in sporting sympathy that was so fake it made me want to
puke, and all I could do was scream inside my head as I put on a smile.
He even got me flowers, blue ones, and my mother was so moved she hugged him,
and then thanked him for thinking of me and left with the flowers to find a
vase for them, as soon as she was gone Machimiya saunters over to me and grips
my face roughly, turning it to a side and he hisses in my ear, “Can you keep a
secret, Sa-ka-mi-chi~?”  The way he says my first name, a name he doesn’t
deserve to say, makes my blood boil, but my mouth seals shut, my throat
tightens and prevents me from speaking.
“Huh?” He squeezes my face harder, fingers pressing against a bruise just below
my jaw and I whimper, nodding slowly.
“Y—ye-yes…” I whine, my entire body starts to tremble and I pray for my mom to
come back, for anyone to come into the room, but whatever higher power is
watching over me gets their sick kicks from seeing me suffer.
“Good… because you don’t want to find out what will happen if
you can’t, right..?”  He purrs against my earlobe, the feeling of his breath on
my skin makes me want to shower, it makes me feel dirty.
The door opens and he switches from a threatening position to hugging me,
laughing gleefully; he is too close, he smells like… a spice… cinnamon. My
stomach wavers, bile rising in the back of my throat as he pulls back, clasps
his hands on each side of my face.
“Get well friend! Ok? I’ll check up on you every now and then, when you’re
better, I want to have a rematch, got it?” He’s a total con-artist, he’s
selling this so good, and even I can’t find any chink or crack in his façade.
He sounds completely genuine; he looks like he’s a good friend of mine on the
outside. My mom smiles at us from across the room as she sets the blue flowers,
now in a vase, on the counter by the sink.
“Y-yeah…” I manage out as he releases me, sliding out of my space and crossing
the room and out the door, taking his smug smile and ego with him.
The entire time I was biting my tongue trying not to say anything, but I
realized then why I lied about how I got into my incident, I’m scared. I am
afraid he’ll hurt me again if I tell. He’s ruthless; the big crash at the start
of the Inter High race is proof of that.
“M-mom… I need to use the bathroom, c-can you…?” I don’t know how much longer I
can hold it back, I force a smile but it hurts.
“Oh of course..!” Without a second thought my mom helps me up, supports me as I
limp over to the bathroom attached to the room, once inside, she tells me to
call her when I’m done or if I need help. I shut the door and lock it, then
wait a moment before turning on the sink before sitting on the lid of the
toilet and slouching over, holding my head in my hands as I break down and sob,
as quiet as I possibly could.
 Can you keep a secret, Sa-ka-mi-chi~?
The world feels like its closing in around me, my face is getting hot and my
breathing is speeding up.
You don’t want to find out what will happen if you can’t, right..?
This can’t be happening, this can’t be real. It feels like I’m trapped in my
own skin. I breathe harder, eyes widening as the tears fall down my cheeks. I
get up on shaky legs and use the sink to support myself; I cup some icy-cold
water in my hands and splash it in my face repeatedly.
I’ll check up on you every now and then.
I want to wake up, please tell me this is a nightmare. Please someone wake me
up. I look down at my hands, I can’t hold them still, the bandaging is ruined
from the water and I can’t stop them from shaking. I clench them tightly into
fists and press them against my head. I’m so scared.
---
“Ahh! Finally home!” My mom says with relief as we step through the front door,
for me it’s a little awkward with crutches. She’s wearing my backpack, filled
with the stuff I had brought with me to Inter High, and she also is holding the
vase of blue flowers in one arm and in the other is a bag filled with get
well cards and treats my friends brought to me after the encounter with that
guy… they were all a nice distraction and made me feel better, about
everything, none of them are mad at me or think I am useless. It’s always good
to hear it from other people.
“I’ll put all these things in your room, ok, Sakamichi?”  My mom says as she
toes off her shoes and heads into the house, I only nod in response since she
didn’t actually need a verbal one.
This big black boot strapped to my leg is the most annoying thing I have ever
had the displeasure of wearing in my entire life.  It’s awkward; it makes me
walk like a lopsided freak, and if I try to loosen the straps my mom gives me a
lecture about how if it’s too loose the brace won’t be doing its job and I
could hurt my ankle worse. But if it is too tight then the straps rub my
bruised skin wrong and it hurts. The pain medicine they sent me home with
barely touches the pain.
I hobble into the living room, which sounds like a simple enough task but not
with crutches, I end up knocking over one of my mom’s glass decorations and I
am so lucky it doesn’t shatter. I am a lot more careful after that.
When I eventually get myself situated on the couch I am faced with another
impossible task, getting comfortable.
Curse this boot. Setting it on the couch doesn’t work because at a flat
elevation it aches, so none of that, I try propping my leg up on the arm of the
couch, on the back, and even on the coffee table, but none if it works.
I try stacking the couch pillows and I prop my booted foot up on it and it was
as if a choir or angels started to sing, I found the spot, the most comfortable
laying position I have been in for weeks, no more Inn floors with hard mats or
creaky hospital beds.
“Sakamichi..! I’ll be going to the market; you’ll be fine here on your own,
won’t you?” My mom calls out, and I momentarily forget she can’t see me and I
nod, deadpanning, I shake my head. I must be tired or something.
“Yeah, mom, I’m good..!” I respond, staring into space, my vision slowly
turning its focus to the crack in my glasses. I’ve been doing that a lot
lately, it’s really bothering me. Two weeks is too long to wait for a new pair…
I sigh softly.
“You have your phone with you right?” She calls out, and I hear the front door
open, as if she’s pausing there, waiting on my response before her final
departure.
I feel around, patting my pants pockets, I slip it out and look it over, I
forgot about it for a while, I remember taking it from my backpack when my
teammates brought it to me, but I never bother to look at it. I just ended up
carrying it around with me as if it’s some kind of umbilical cord to existence.
Sending emoticons back and forth to Naruko gives me life.
“Y-yeah..!” My voice comes out kind of shaky because I forgot my mom was
waiting for a response for a moment.
“Text me if you need anything!” She says before shutting the front door. The
click of the lock sounds a second later. Followed by her car leaving the drive
way.
I open my phone up and find I have 10 new messages, 8 of them are from Naruko.
Naruko: ~(O u O~)
Naruko: P_ P
Naruko: T _ T
Naruko: < _ <
Naruko: Q// u //Q
Naruko: This next one tells a story.
Naruko: (~ ಠ _ ಠ)~<3~( ◠‿◠~ )  ヽ ( ｏ ` 皿 ′ ｏ ) ﾉ
Naruko:   (Θ_Θ;)
I don’t get it… Angry… guy… giving a heart to a happy person and someone else
is mad about it… Naruko is terrible at this.
Me: What does that even mean..?
After sending my reply I look into my inbox at the 2 new messages. They’re from
an unknown number.
Unknown: U know y its important to keep our secret right??? I could be banned
from racing.
Unknown: See how easy it was 4 me 2 get ur number, Sakamichi? And I alredy kno
what school u go 2. I will b watching u ; ) yellow looks cute on u btw
I drop the phone from my hands and it clatters down to the floor. Just like
before in the bathroom, I start shaking and breathing hard and the world feels
like its imploding on me. I look down, grabbing at the fabric of my yellow
sweat shirt.
  A knock on the door gives me a miniature heart attack and makes my panic fit
even worse. I sit upright, hugging myself tight. How did he get my number? How
did he know what color I am wearing? Is it him at the door? I didn’t do
anything… I haven’t said anything.
I pray to mister higher power once again, hoping this time he will favor me, as
if to laugh in my face whoever was at the door knocks again.
I try to breathe, calm myself down, but it doesn’t help. I force myself up,
using the arm of the couch to support me and I limp to the door, the boot is
supportive enough that I can answer the door without needing them.
The pressure increases the closer I get to the door, as if something ominous
waited beyond it. Every part of my brain screamed to go hide, pretend I’m not
home. But for whatever reason I kept going until my fingers brushed the handle.
“W-who is it?” I call out weakly.
***** Midousuji-What is wrong with me? *****
Chapter Notes
     I'm gonna be switching from each of their point of views
     periodically. Also the next chapter will pick up where the
     cliffhanger left off, this is just what happened from Midousuji
     perspective...
---
Riding back to the Inn on my bike carrying someone that is unconscious is
something I never wanted to do once. The hardest part was figuring out how
exactly it would be possible to do such a thing.
After some tricky maneuvering I figured it out, Onoda straddling my lap, facing
me with his ankles locked together behind my back; my seat is high enough that
his legs dangle and aren’t nearly in danger of getting in the way of the back
wheel.
It seemed like a good plan of course, coasting downhill one handed was simple
for me, and it was fine, a perfect plan, until the road got bumpy. I tried to
tune it out, focus on the sky, the road, the sound of my tires against the
pavement, but none of it was enough, each jolt and shift caused our pelvis’ to
rub, creating awkward friction that made my face contort with the grossest of
expressions. I was glad no one was around to witness such a pathetic display.  
I bite my tongue, using the hand on Onoda’s back to press him closer to me, my
way of thinking, if he’s stable that will stop. But it makes it worse. I
squeeze the breaks and put my legs down on either side of my De Rosa. Gross,
gross, gross! Why NOW of all times?I bite the tip of my tongue until the copper
taste of blood swells in my mouth. That shouldn’t be happening to me around
someone like this!
I glare down at Onoda’s unconscious expression, his face pressed against my
chest; he looks so frail, puny. His eyebrows are drawn together, and something
is different, what is it? His eyelashes are long, damp with tears, a wave of
guilt washes over me knowing I played a part in it, but I had get that thing
out. He looks peaceful, despite being injured… disgusting. 
I eventually figure putting my satchel between us and it stops that unnecessary
problem. But there was one gooey feeling that wouldn’t get out of me no matter
what. I know he isn’t seriously injured, but some pathetic part of me squirmed
with fretful thoughts, like little bugs crawling through my veins, making my
heart race with fear that he might just die if I didn’t get him help fast
enough. Blah, blah, blah, so dramatic! And stupid!Whatever!
 I told myself that as soon as I got to the Inn and handed him off to his small
fry team that I would ride back home, I had no reason to be there anymore
anyway. But for some reason my legs refused to obey me, I stayed in place,
watching Onoda’s friends panic and fret over his well-being as an ambulance is
called. Why am I not leaving?
 Sohoku Academy turned to accuse and blame me for Onoda’s injuries after
calling for the Inn’s medical staff. Weakizumi is the first to get in my face
about it, and of course I don’t back down, why should I? I tower over him, he’s
pathetic, a toilet fly. I try to explain to him that I had only conveniently
rode by to see Onoda crawling out of a ditch, but somehow it offends Imaizumi,
perhaps it was the way I phrased it… and he shoves me! So rude!
I tumble backwards, almost falling into my bike. I clutch at my chest, my jaw
hanging slightly ajar. All I did is help their team member and this is how I am
treated? Accused of wrong doing? Assaulted? Whatever! I don’t stoop to his
level, why should I waste my time with a petty fight?
Weakizumi makes a move to possibly attack me again but the urgent tone of one
of the medical goons bandaging Onoda shouts something I didn’t catch the first
time. It draws both our attentions and I stare over, straining to hear as one
of the medics demands her co-worker hand her more gauze, the one she’s holding
against his leg wound is completely red. He shouldn’t be bleeding this much.
As soon as the ambulance gets here and loads Onoda up it is as if I had gone
into a trance. I mount my bike and follow it, but I am not the only one,
Weakizumi and the red-bean are behind me. The aid-car is faster than our bikes
can go so they end up getting to the hospital before any of us.
Why am I here? I wonder as I walk into Onoda’s hospital room after racing the
90km to get here. I’m covered in sweat, sticky, uncomfortable; sore from
racing, still out of breath. What am I doing here? I don’t have to be here, it
isn’t my problem anymore.I slowly approach the bed after the annoying nurse
jabbering at me leaves the room, and I don’t have a clue what she was saying;
just key words, fractured; extensive blood loss, dehydration.
That image pops into my head, his smile. What is wrong with my head? I take a
seat in the bench by the window and lean back, staring at the ceiling. What is
wrong with me? It must be because I am the one that found him, as soon as I
hear that he’s fine this feeling will go away and everything will be just fine.
I’ll come back here tomorrow and see that gross smile and this weird ache in my
chest will go away… but first, I needed a nap. I think fleetingly with heavy
eyelids.
What am I doing? I wondered when I woke up in the hospital after passing out
there from exhaustion. What am I doing? I wondered again when I let Onoda’s
mother hug me and listened to her blab on about how grateful she is that I
found her son… blah, blah… blah.  What am I doing? A third time it crosses my
mind, a third not even within twenty minutes when Onoda’s mother tells me about
her son’s glasses falling off during his crash and now she’s afraid he will
have to wait two weeks to get a new pair. That’s what was different about him,
how didn’t I notice sooner?
“I can try to find his old ones, if they aren’t too badly broken, they’re
better than nothing, right?” Why had I said that? Why am I doing all these
things I wouldn’t do before I met this… disgusting otaku.
I had rode my bike all the way to the track, over 90km, and searched for those
hideous spectacles. Granted, it didn’t take me more than five minutes to locate
them; they had a crack in them but otherwise were in wholesome condition but…
why am I doing this?
Onada’s smiling face pops into my head, when he raced me to the pharmacy, how
happy he was just to be riding with me… the smile reminds me of her. I shook my
head, shook a way those thoughts, gross, gross, gross!Why was I still thinking
about this? Onoda is gross! That small fry is lucky I felt generous yesterday,
that’s it! He’s ok and now this feeling should be long gone! Why is it still
here?
I stop thinking as I run my thumb over the rim of his stupid glasses. What is
happening to me? I look back at his bike; it’s a little wrecked but nothing
that couldn’t be fixed. I place his glasses into the bag on my shoulder
carefully before approaching his bike.
The back wheel is missing, other than that, all its pieces are connected to the
frame; the chains have fallen off and tangled themselves and the handle bar is
bent pretty far out of shape. I can fix this easily.I want to see him smile
like that again.
I find the wheel lodged in a sticker bush and make a quick temporary fix, but
the latch to keep the wheel in place broke off and is nowhere to be found. I
roll the bike up the hill and out of the ditch. Riding back to the hospital
holding onto another bike while making sure that bike doesn’t fall apart is
harder than it looks.
I had to stop a few times and re-fix the back wheel, it kept falling off. I
would have dropped it off at home first, but the hospital is on the way, and
back tracking isn’t something I like to do if it is avoidable.
Onoda’s room is strangely empty, not that I mind, it’s less humiliating this
way. The further his mother is from me the better. I think as I approach the
side of his bed hesitantly. I reach into my bag and pull out his glasses;
running my gloved fingers over the frame for a moment as I look over his sleepy
face. I put the glasses back on their owners face as delicately as I possibly
could.
The bruises have made themselves more pronounced now, dark bluish splotches
against pale skin. The one under his jaw appeared to be the worst. I reach out
absently and run my fingertips over it lightly.
I know he is clumsy, but I have seen him in races, he’s anything but clumsy.
Hell… he had road on the thinnest possible part of the road, tire thick, and
passed 100 people, myself included. So, it’s hard to believe he would fall,
especially where he did, the road isn’t nearly a sharp enough turn to cause any
incidents.
So what really happened? Why would he lie about it? I wonder as my hand somehow
works its way to his head, running through his hair, realizing what I was
doing, I yank my limb away, pinning it to my side as warmth creeps its way to
my cheeks. I ran my hand over my scalp, momentarily put off when I didn’t feel
my own hair between my fingers, I keep forgetting I shaved it off.
I need to get out of here. I think urgently, turning quick on my heels to head
out the door, but fate is against me, as soon as I reach the door it opens and
Onoda’s mother walks in, she seems put off to see me at first but grins widely
at me instead, she reaches out and clasps my hand in hers.
“Ah! Akira! It’s good to see you again!” She croons, releasing my hand to dust
off the front of my shirt, dusting off dirt I didn’t realize was there. My face
feels warmer, a gross feeling surges through my chest. It reminds me of her.
“You found Sakamichi glasses?” She gasps, looking past me at her sleeping son.
I nod once, biting my tongue inside my mouth. I feel tears pricking up, making
my vision blurry as Onoda’s mother hugs me, and then she grasps my face between
her petite hands. The only person who ever hugged me was my mother…
“Are you ok sweetie?!” She asks worriedly. I blink away the tears, forcing them
away as I stand up straight, towering over the small woman.
“Yeah, I’m fine. You just, reminded me of my late mother.” I reluctantly admit.
She smiles up at me, tilting her head with a slight giggle as she covers her
mouth. Why did I tell her that?
“Then I am honored! She must have been a wonderful woman to raise such a good
son!” She pats my arm once, and I think the gesture is meant to be comforting;
the small woman surprises me when she grabs my sleeve and tugs me back over to
the bench.
“Sit with me for a while would you, Akira?” She asks sweetly, patting the spot
next to her. I really should leave, go home, I don’t belong here; I have no
reason to be here at all, so why am I lingering like a bad odor?
“I brought this with me from home,” She says, pulling a floral printed bag from
the floor, and from it she takes out a ball of blue yarn and knitting needles
as she continues, “I figured I would have a long wait ahead of me, and it keeps
me occupied! It would mean a lot if you would keep me company for a little
longer, sit, please. Tell me about racing!” She chirps, grinning even wider
when I sit down, shoving my hands in my pockets.
I don’t know why, but I start talking to her about racing, just like she asked,
at first my sentences were short followed by a lot of pauses, but eventually I
started blabbing, telling her about the first race I won, about the courses,
then about how I would train, my favorite places to ride. I talked about
different types of bikes and their advantages as well as disadvantages.
I don’t think she understood a word I said, but she seemed content with just
having my voice fill the void as she formed a square piece of cloth using those
knitting needles; the entire time I watch the motion of her hands; tuck, pull,
loop, knot, repeat.
“It was a race right? What place did you come in?” She asks, looking up at me
briefly. My heart sinks as I am reminded of my personal failure.
“Third,” I expected disappointment, maybe a “well that’s too bad, try harder
next time,” what I didn’t anticipate, was for her to let out a loud surprised
shriek at me, nearly dropping her knitting needles.
“That’s so impressive! Third place, out of all those well practiced racers! You
must be so fast! Oh my! Good job!” She praises me, patting me on the back. I
don’t know how to respond to it, gross, gross, gross! Why would she say that to
me, of all people?I just stare at her, grinding my teeth; my eyes feel warm and
wet again. Why does she continue to remind me of my mother? I look away from
her quickly, trying to change the subject by talking about the weather of that
day.
I ran out of things to say after a while, but then she picks up, starts talking
about the latest in housewife drama. Apparently someone who lived near Miss
Onoda was being a little promiscuous, blah, blah, latest scandal.
It was the most boring thing I have ever had to listen to in my life. I tried
to occupy myself with drawing in fleece fabric of the chair; I end up drawing a
cartoon bunny with hearts around it. Why? I have no idea.
The grossness of the Onoda family is rubbing off on me; that was the only
explanation I can think of. I have been around them too long, I really need to
leave before I start knitting and squealing like an otaku about anime.
“I have to be home before dark, it’s a long ride from here…” I interrupt her
with. She looks at me, mouth forming an “o.”
“Alright..! Thank you! Oh! Before you leave, I wanted to invite you to dinner
this Friday, to thank you properly for taking care of my little boy!” She hums
thoughtfully as she sets down her knitting project in her lap.
What is with this lady? Hasn’t she had enough of my company? Why does she want
me to keep hanging around? Doesn’t she think I am creepy? Disgusting? Does she
feel obligated to be nice to me?
“You don’t have to…” I utter under my breath. She waves her hand at me in
dismissal as I stand up.
“Nonsense..! I want to! Do you have a cell phone?” She asks, holding her hand
out expectantly. Of course I did, not that I used it much; I pull it out of my
pocket and set it in her hand for some reason? Why? Why..?
“I am adding my number, sending myself a message so I have yours! I will text
you our address! I’ll add Sakamichi’s too! What do you like to eat, Akira?” 
She asks, staring up at me with bright-eyed determination.
Why can’t I treat her like other people? Just tell her no and go on with my
life? Is it because she reminds me of mother? I bite my tongue and force those
thoughts to the depths of my mind.
“Uh… I like eel… and tofu… uh… salted seaweed is good…? I don’t really care
though…” I shrug as she hands me back my phone; she looks at my hand and
pauses, staring at the glove with curiosity. I become self-conscious; pull my
hand back; shove it along with my phone into my pocket. Don’t ask, don’t ask,
don’t ask, don’t ask...
“I like your gloves! Very fashionable,” She complimented me… not, Why gloves in
the summer? Or are you a germ freak?
“B-bye, Miss Onoda…” I say quickly before turning to leave, out the door and
down the hall before she could say another word to me.
---
When I get home to my aunt’s house I park my bike and Onoda’s broken one in the
shed, its late, I wasn’t lying when I said it was a long ride from the
hospital. I enter the house as quietly as possible, all the lights are off; it
means everyone is asleep.
I slip off my shoes and walk in as quietly as possible. On my way to my room I
stop in the kitchen and grab a few granola bars from the pantry, because they
are quick and make little noise.
I shove them in my pockets and slowly creep down the hall to my room; a
floorboard creeks under my step and I tense up, looking at the closed door of
my aunt’s room. Nothing, so I continue, picking up the pace.
Once in my room with the door closed I turn on my bedside lamp and plop down on
my bed with a sigh. I pull the granola bars from my pocket and eat all 3 of
them, wadding up the rappers and tossing them in the waste bin beside my desk.
My room is small and plain, but it’s better than nothing I suppose.
I bring my finger to my lips and pinch the fabric of the glove between my
teeth, tugging as I pull my hand free of the fabric.
I set the glove on my bedside table after pulling off the other. I hold my
hands above me, looking at my sickly skinny wrists, marred with angry marks
ranging from various shades of red and pink, fresh and old marks.
I turn my hands over, looking at the backs, smaller marks there; one on my left
hand just below my knuckles is a burn scar. It happened so many years ago. I
hate when people ask me about the gloves, no one has ever seen these scars.
They are disgusting, reminders of how pathetically weak I am.
I press the palms of my hands to my face, scrubbing at it furiously as if
somehow if I tried hard enough I could rearrange my features into something
worthwhile.
Nights are the worst, it’s the quietest, when this feeling gets to me; makes me
sick to my stomach knowing I am stuck in this body, being this person. I hate
this person.
I toss and turn, squeezing my eyes shut as thoughts crawl in and out of my head
like tiny little bugs. I’m gross… so gross… gross, gross, gross. What is wrong
with me? Everyone hates me, hell, I hate me too, so why don’t Onoda and his
mother? Why are they so kind to me?
You are creepy! Disgusting! You’ll never become a professional athlete! Your
only path in life is to end up being a big pile of shit, that’s all you are!
WORTHLESS, WORTHLESS, WORTHLESS!
I cover my ears as if somehow doing so would shut out those voices, but they’re
in my head, it doesn’t help. I sit up; reaching over to the bag I had dropped
by my bed and pull out my music player from it.
I turn it on and put my headphones in my ears, turning it up full volume, the
music plays full blast in my ears, loud enough that I can’t think anymore. I
curl up on my side, pressing my hands against my face.
---
I wake up to the usual, my music still blaring in my ears. I pull out the
headphones and am greeted with the muffled banshee screeching of my aunt on the
phone at her husband who is probably only ever home twice a month, if that,
echoes throughout the house, my grandfather’s TV up at full volume, and my
cousin knocking at my door yelling my name… a typical morning.
“AKIRA! AKIRA! ARE YOU AWAKE? AKIIRAA?” Ugh, shut up, go away…
“OH BUT I BET YOU ARE HAVING THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE! WHAT ABOUT YOU’RE FAMILY?
... YOUR DAUGHTER DOESN’T KNOW YOU ANYMORE, WHY WOULD I SEND HER TO YOU? IF YOU
WANNA SEE HER YOU COME HERE!”
I grab my headphones and put them back into my ears, the moment I do all that
pesky background noise is muted. Much better…
Later in that day after my aunt left to the market and my grandpa went to the
bar, I finally decided to creep out of my room.
For the remainder of the evening I spend my time in the shed, looking over old
bike parts I had scavenged to see if I could use any to fix Onoda’s racer. I
found a few good once, a little off color, but they could be painted later.
It takes me a little over an hour to fix it up. I gave it a test ride, having
to position myself in an incredibly awkward way to fit in such a low riding,
tiny bike, my knees practically touch the ground if my feet aren’t on the
peddles.
Onoda’s puny little bike works just fine now, a little tacky with the off
colored parts but oh well. Looking around through the shed purely out of
boredom, I stumbled upon a little license plate made for a young girl’s bike,
from my cousin’s when she was younger, its pink with faded heart stickers and
it says, “Princess,” I stare at it for a moment before an idea sparks in my
head. I cover my mouth as a few snickers slip out while the image of Onoda
riding around with this on the back of his bike flashes through my mind. Would
I really do that though?
Yes, I would, and I did. I fall onto the ground, holding my sides and laughing
harder than I have in days as I look at the perfection of my work, the plate
sits perfectly just below the seat but it doesn't cover his anime sticker, I
made sure of that.
---
***** Midousuji-All strategy, no strings attached *****
---
The weekend went by slowly, considering I had nothing to do except hide in my
room or go out on rides. On Monday I got really bored and decided to take Onoda
his bike, eh… I’m getting tired of looking at it.
Plus there is the tiny fact that my grandpa is drunk and chucked a beer bottle
at my head as soon as I got home from school… so there’s always that reason.
Whatever…. Any excuse to get out of the house is a good one.
I don’t have practice today, the team wanted to take a day off, I reluctantly
agreed, I hate having spare time, its why I have such a strong distain for
weekends, my free time, it’s either spent riding or at home.
During the week I keep myself busy, out of the house, school and practicing
with the biking club for an hour or so before I have to go to work from 5 until
11, by that time everyone I live with is asleep.
I sigh loudly, pausing at a traffic sign to rub the forming bruise on my
forehead. I’ve got a major migraine now. So stupid, I didn’t even say anything.
 
It’s a nice day to take a ride anyway, not to hot or cold but there is an
overcast today so there is that gloomy vibe. I don’t mind it though.
I look down at my phone once I reach the neighborhood, go to the message
Onoda’s mother sent me and reread the address to make sure I am in the right
place.
Just as I am turning into the street a blue SUV is pulling out and honks at me,
I stop, glaring at the vehicle until the driver rolls down the window and to my
surprise, I see Miss Onoda waving at me with a huge grin on her face. 
“Akira! What are you doing here?” She asks with cheerful curiosity. In response
I gesture to the bike I’m holding onto and she stares at it for a moment, I
don’t think she recognizes that it’s her sons…
“Uh, I fixed Onoda ehh-…” I bite my tongue; I feel weird addressing her son to
her so formally and correct myself, “Sakamichi’sracer… thought I would bring it
to him…” My voice trails off with a weird nervousness too it.Gross… why do I
like the way it feels to say his name?
“Oh! That’s really sweet of you!” She croons, making my stomach flip flop. Why
does she keep saying those things to me?
“I am headed to the market, Sakamichi is home, feel free to visit as long as
you like!” She says, waving to me before driving off. She’s such a strange
woman… she barely knows me yet she trusts me to be alone with her son. I could
be some stalker or a serial killer, or a rapist.
I lean over, covering my mouth with my hand as laughter bubbles up from the
back of my throat. Ridiculous! Onoda probably doesn’t consider those things
either! He and his mother so blindly trust me without really knowing me!
That’s it! That must be why they are kind to me, they haven’t been around me
long enough. The realization has me feeling like weight is taken off of my
back. They will both hate me, just like everyone else. For trusting idiots like
them it just takes a little longer.
Some children from the neighborhood stop playing their little ball game to
stare at me like some nutcase. What are they staring at? I glare over at them
before my lips split and form my signature grin, all teeth. If I can creep them
out enough they’ll leave. They freeze completely then look to one another
before running off in the opposite direction, just as I expected. Kids are
gross. But I have to hand it to them though; they’re smarter than the Onoda
family.
I ride up to Onoda’s house, matching the numbers on the building with what was
in my phone. It appeared to be the most isolated from the other homes in the
area. There are flowers in the yard that look like they are tended to on a
daily basis. It’s nice.
I park my bike and Onoda’s next to it before walking up to the front door, and
I’m suddenly overwhelmed with a gross feeling, it slams into me like a truck
going 80 mph and has my face paling.
What is wrong with me? Just knock on the door and give him the bike so you can
leave, Akira.Why is this so hard? I chew on the tip of my tongue, my brows
knitting together as I stare down at the welcome mat.
What if Onoda thinks it’s creepy that I fixed his bike without permission and
brought it here unannounced?Wait, I have never cared about what people think
about me before, so why am I so worried about it now? I groan inwardly, like
ripping off a bandage I knock on the door once lightly.
…
Nothing…
Maybe I didn’t knock loud enough? I reach up again and rasp my knuckles against
the door a little louder.
Maybe I should just leave his bike here and go; it’s probably better that way.
I won’t have to talk to him, or look at him. I feel my gut twist with
something, disappointment? Impossible! I turn my back to the door as I press my
gloved palm against my face. This was a stupid idea.
“M-Midousuji-kun..?”
I jolt at the sound of his annoyingly sweet voice; I hadn’t noticed the door
open at all. I turn around, blinking at the empty space beyond the door that
led into the house.
What? I look down… Oh! I have never stood next to Onoda before, I knew that
he’s small, but I didn’t expect this.
My right hand shoots up to cover my grin as a barrage of giggles erupts from my
throat and I try to stop them, in doing so it makes my frame shake.
“Oh… my…! Pff—hahaha!! So small! The smallest small fry! Onoda-kun…! Like a
nugget!” Even though I’m laughing at him, he’s smiling at me, he’s so gross!
“C-compared to you..! Uh…! Th-there is only an overcast t-today because you
stepped outside..!” He stammers, and I think he means come off as playful but
instead the way he trips over his own words makes it sound like he’s trying to
ask me to prom, which makes the situation even grosser.
I couldn’t hold back anymore after that, I double over, holding my sides as my
very being rattles from laughter, I could feel my face burning bright red and
I’m not sure if it’s from laughing or embarrassment for my people skills. How
is insulting someone’s height anyway to greet them? But when I realize Onoda is
laughing just as hard as I am I feel a little better.
As soon as I calm down to the point where I could speak I point over to the
yard where I parked his bike and blurt out, “I fixed your bike, Onoda-kun.”
Onoda gasps, eyes widening as he leans to the side to look past me. He is
completely shocked, he stands there with his mouth ajar staring at his racer as
if it were a three eyed alien or something equally as nerdy that he fantasizes
about.
“Y-yo…you..? F-for me..? You… d-did that for me, Midousuji-kun!?” He asks;
voice raising a pitch as he stares up at me with big blue eyes and my heart
does something weird, slips, like fluttering and my entire face feels warm.
Am I having heart problems? No, I’m too young… an anxiety attack? What is this?
The longer I stare at him the worst it gets; it feels like my tongue has turned
into led so the only response I can come up with is a curt nod.
I need to leave, something is wrong, something is terribly wrong, this isn’t
what I planned, give him the bike, leave, then stop thinking about him and
everything will be normal again.
“T-thank you so much..! I thought someone stole it! You don’t know how happy I
am now because of you, Midousuji!” Onoda chirps gleefully as he holds his arms
out, fingers twitching and there is a moment of confliction on his face before
he launches forward and throws his arms around my torso and being this close to
him suddenly reminds me of the awkward ride that I had with him which I thought
I agreed with myself to never think about again, but here I am, thinking about
it.
Gross, gross, gross, GROSS! WHY now?! Why is my heart pounding like this?! Why
isn’t anyone answering all my questions? Why does having his body pressing
against mine like this feel so right? As soon as the gears in my head click
into place I squirm desperately to get away; break this contact, put my hands
on his shoulders to push him back, but his little hands cling to my shirt
awkwardly as he stares at me with thatsmile and his cheeks are dusted with a
light shade of pink I’m not entirely sure if he’s oblivious and just blushes
over everything or if he’s figured it out.
“Stop doing that, it’s gross.” I somehow manage to keep my tone even, I try to
glare at him, intimidate him; get him to stop looking at me like that. I grab
his wrists, prying them off of me, but instead he turns them and grips my
wrists and gasps, his eyes sparking with gross purpose.
“Mi-Midousuji-kun..! Let’s ride together!” As he says this my gaze shifts down
to the thick boot supporting his sprained ankle.
“Eeh..? Are you stupid..?” I ask, blinking down at him owlishly.
“Oh… um… I forgot…” His spirit crumbles and his shoulders drooping as his grip
loosens on my wrist but the contact remains. Normally seeing someone wither
like this would bring me joy; I would be laughing and calling them disgusting.
But seeing his smile fade makes my chest ache. I have it bad… this is stupid!
“I um… uh… I w-wasn’t thinking… I was really sad… when I lost our race… b-
because I didn’t think you would… um… want to… to… be friends with me… or
something… I t-think you’re really interesting so I j-just… jumped the gun at
the chance t-to… to… uh, sp-spend time with you… s-sorry, I sound so awkward…”
His voice trails off until it’s so quiet I can barely hear him, he drops my
hands as his head lowers so that I can’t see his expression, annoying. I lean
down, tilting my head to a side in an attempt to see, but he’s too short!
Without thinking, I grab his face between my hands and tilt up upwards as I
blurt, “Gross! It totally sounds like you have a crush on me or something! Or
maybe you see me as your idol! Either way you’re so gross!”  
It looked as if Onoda’s soul left his very body, I could practically seesteam
rising from his face and I could feel him shaking. All signs that pointed to
something dangerous, something I don’t even want to think about because of how
ludicrous it is. He has a mild infatuation with me, platonic or not, it’s still
painfully obvious… but when he’s around me longer that will change, he won’t
feel the same. Who could ever… want to be with ME like that anyway..?I release
Onoda’s face and lean back, shoving my hands in my pockets as I click my teeth
together. He would be better off if I walked away right now.
…
He’s not denying what I said…he’s covering his face with his hands making a low
whining sound and keeps mumbling, “I’m sorry.” Ok, I’m starting to rule out the
whole “platonic” thing. It’s too fast, it’s overwhelming.I shake my head and
the next thing I know I’m getting on my De Rosa and racing away as fast as I
can.
I needed to get away; I needed to stop thinking because nothing is making any
since anymore. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be at all. I decided a long time
ago that I would never let anyone get close to me; I decided I would never let
myself become vulnerable. Why does this have to happen to me? Why does it have
to be him? Why does he have the ability to bypass every single wall I put on
and make me feel so gross?
It isn’t until I am miles away, breathing hard and stopping to drink from my
water bottle at the top of a hill that I have a realization. Maybe I am
confused about what I am feeling.
Maybe,I am being drawn to Onoda because a subconscious part of me knows it
would be a good idea to befriend him so I can get closer to my enemies. I can
learn his teams racing strategies and use it against them. I grin widely,
slapping my hand against my face and dragging it downward as I stare off into
space as all of my new found information soaks in.
That’s all any of this means. I can use Onoda’s little crush on me as a way to
get him to open up, it’s perfect; he will be so easy to manipulate. My grin
fades, remembering that I took off at a very inopportune moment. I can’t just
go back… but…
I reach into my bag and pull my phone out, going through my contacts and sure
enough, there it is. His mother added him in as Sakamichi. I click on his name
and open up a new message and start typing, choosing my wording carefully.
Me: Sorry about that… I had to take off, I forgot I needed to be at work early
and it’s a long ride. Your mother gave me your number btw... she’s really
friendly.
Not a minute later after I sent it my phone is vibrating with a new
notification. I grin as I open up his message and my eyes scan over it.
Sakamichi: That’s ok! I’m still sorry for acting weird after you said that U///
U Thank you very much for helping me, I hope it’s not too bold for me to say I
consider you to be my friend.
He’s making this so easy for me. Just to make him sweat I wait exactly 3
minutes before sending my reply. I couldn’t help but laugh at how disgustingly
corny it sounds.
Me: It didn’t bother me, I thought it was cute. I guess this makes us
officially friends.
Sakamichi: …Cute?? I think your auto correct messed up.
I cover my mouth as another laugh escapes me. This… was the best idea. I can
practically see him, sitting there, re-reading my text trying to figure out if
I was actually flirting or if it had been a spelling error. He is possibly the
grossest person I have ever met. I don’t want to come on too strong, just yet,
so I reply with something simple. Instead of addressing the source of his
anxiety, I change the topic.
Me: Your mom wants me to come over on Friday for dinner, so we can hang out
then if you want  
It takes him a little longer than before to form a reply.
Sakamichi: I nearly forgot! Yeah, we can do that, UH! We can rent a few movies,
if you’re ok with that! ^^;
Me: Sure. I gotta go, I need to be at work by 5:30 and I can’t exactly text and
ride.
Sakamichi: Of course! Yeah. Um you can text me after
Sakamichi: If you want to!
I leave him hanging there because he’s going to be agonizing all day if he was
coming on to strong or not. I grin widely as I shove my phone back into my bag
before riding on.
I think about all the advantages to being Onoda’s “friend.” It will annoy his
team, Weakizumi the most, and that’s important.
I let my imagination wander as I ride downhill. I picture Onoda and I hand in
hand shopping at some nerd store or whatever, and people from his team see us,
slack jawed and disgusted by my presence, especially near their most innocent
and good natured friend. 
The flutter I feel inside I convince myself exists because I think Onoda’s
friend’s disappointment is funny and absolutely not because I briefly wonder
how soft his hands are, so I lean over my handle bars and laugh, covering my
mouth as laughter rolls out of my lips.  
---
All week I spent my spare time texting Onoda, earning his trust has been so
embarrassingly easy! After 3 days of nearly non-stop communication between us
he finally becomes a little less formal with me and starts feeling comfortable
with expressing himself.
He even tells me about his anxiety issues and how it’s always been hard for him
to make any friends because of it. He talks about his daily life, what he is
eating for breakfast and when he’s getting in the shower.
He blabs a lot, and I let him go at it and he doesn’t seem to mind if I reply
with the same word after every paragraph he sends me. It is usually, “Oh,” or
“Yeah,” I tell him stuff about myself whenever he asks, not the whole truth.
I talk more about what I am currently doing rather than the past; I usually
avoid the subjects and give him very vague answers. Like, for example, the
other day he was talking about his childhood and then asked me about mine. I
only responded an hour later with, “I rode my bike a lot.” And I think he
finally understands that the past isn’t a tangible subject with me so he
settles for anything I offer to tell him. I am usually the more talkative one
at night, and I blame exhaustion for that.
On Thursday I got my phone taken away from me in class, being caught texting
for the third time in the same class. My AP math teacher has the eyes of hawk I
swear. I sit in the very back row behind an obese classmate. I honestly don’t
understand how she keeps catching me. It is annoying.
After begrudgingly handing over my phone I notice Mizuta staring at me from
across the class and I glare at that small fry but he keeps staring, turned in
his chair so he could face me and it’s like he’s stuck in a trance.
I mouth to him, “What do you want?” and he tilts his head and mouths back to
me, “Who are you texting?” He has been asking me this all week and I have yet
to give him any information because why is that any of his business? Why does
he think it is his business? I click my teeth as I grin over at him, hoping it
would make him uncomfortable and he would stop staring at me.
He mouths again, “Is it a girl?” as he tries to mirror my grin. Ugh, gross. I
attempt to disturb him further by letting my tongue lull out of my mouth and I
swipe it across my lips with a perfect mixture of slow and sensual.
That does the trick, his eyes widen and he quickly turns his head back to the
front of the class. Good. I have to press my palm against my mouth to stop
myself from laughing. His face had been so priceless; I wish I had been able to
take a picture of it!
After class lets out I take my phone back from the teacher and leave the room,
but that annoying little fly Mizuta buzzes up to me and pulls me aside in the
hallway, out of the way of everyone else near a window and he starts frisking
me.
“Where is it?” He asks, patting down my sides, and I am extremely ticklish so I
squirm and sputter out disgusting bouts of laughter.
“S-STOP, MIZUTA-KUN..!” I slap his hands away and glare down at him hard with a
clenched teeth smile to intimidate him, but he has a look in his eyes, as if
he’s cataloging in his memory what he had just learned from me; making a list
of my weaknesses possibly.
His fingers twitch as he holds them up and smirks at me and says, “Tell me who
it is, Midousuji-kun! I am going to burst if I can’t know! Whoever it is has
you practically glowing!”
“I’m never telling you.” I state matter-of-factly.
He launches at me again and I try to turn my back to him but he reaches around
from behind and goes right for my weak spot. I arch away from the touch and try
to stop myself from bursting into laughter but it’s impossible, it all comes
out anyway and I curse at him in between fits as I try to get away from him but
the guy has an impressive persistence.
“I want to know who has your heart!” Mizuta makes a critical mistake while
patting down my pockets for my phone, what his tiny little small fry hand
gropes is NOT my phone. And I think he realizes what he’s done because he
stops, frozen in place with his arms awkwardly still around my waist with his
chubby face still pressed to my back.
“Uh… what’s happening…?” Ishigaki decides this is the moment he wants to appear
from absolutely nowhere.
“I left my backpack at home so Mizuta-kun is today’s replacement,” It’s not a
lie, I honestly did forget my backpack at home, I was distracted, it is Onoda’s
fault. I bend down and in one swift motion grab Mizuta’s small fry arms and I
place them around my shoulders before reaching around and grabbing his legs and
hoisting him up as I stand, he lets out a strangely girly shriek as it happens
and locks his arms around my neck firmly.
“Midousuji-kun put me down, this is embarrassing!” Mizuta whines, trying to
bury his face against my shoulder as our peers stare while we go by.
“It’s all a part of my plan,” I tell him as I head for the club shed. He
eventually stops complaining about the free ride I was giving him and finds
peace with his humiliation.
“The person I am talking to, they are a part of our competition…” I start out
with, and I am not exactly sure why I am telling him. For insurance possibly..?
“Oh..?” Mizuta turns his head, resting his chin on my shoulder.
“They like me, I figure, eventually they will trust me and reveal their team
secrets if I indulge them…” Saying it out loud is harder than telling myself in
my mind, I don’t sound as confident about it.
“That sounds like a really good plan, Midousuji-kun… but you don’t exactly seem
burdened with talking to them.” Mizuta points out, and it hits me with a
startling realization. Talking to Onoda is actually something I look forward
to.
“I just enjoy knowing how easy I will be able to manipulate them into spilling
all their team’s dirty little secrets,” I say more for myself than to Mizuta.
“Hmm… whatever you say, Midousuji-kun.” At that, I drop him; he lands on his
feet, to my disappointment.
“Start doing laps around the course, Mizuta-kun,” I tell him, and he blinks up
at me owlishly.
“But there are still 20 minutes before the club starts,” He argues, and I glare
over at him, instantly silencing the fly. He swallows hard and nods
enthusiastically, “B-but of course! Whatever you say..!”
When Friday rolls around I can’t find myself caring very much about classwork,
as easy as it is, my mind was elsewhere. As soon as school got out I went
straight to work instead of practice, I had been called in earlier than usual,
but it also meant I would get off early too.
My job isn’t ideal; it’s a fast food joint with a yellow M name plastered on
the front. I don’t like that sign. Usually I work in the kitchen, cooking the
same greasy food from the menu. But today I was needed to fill in for a
cashier; they normally don’t like to put me in the front because I tend to
unsettle the customers.
Today is slow, within two hours only a handful of people have come in. So
boring… I eventually started sweeping just so I could entertain myself, just as
I start on the project a group of people probably around my age walk in,
laughing about something obnoxiously loud.
I put the broom away and return to the register, waiting for them to come over
and order; when they finally do, a guy with pinkish-red hair that looks
familiar from the group approaches, putting his elbows on the counter as he
smirks at me.
“I didn’t expect someone like you to work in the fast food industries,
Midousuji!”  I stare at him dully, blinking slowly. I swear I have seen him
somewhere, and he knows me obviously.
“What would you like to order?” I ask with that service with a smile attitude.
 He takes his order, a bunch of garbage burgers with salads. I never understand
why people order salad from here, it tastes like failure. The lettuce isn’t
fresh, sometimes it is warm, and it leaves a bad after taste. Plus you don’t
get very much of it, yet it’s more expensive than a twenty piece chicken
nugget.
“What is with the gloves? Isn’t that against uniform regulations?” The pink-
haired guy asks with a cocky grin as he puts his money in my hand. I squint at
him and it suddenly clicks with me. This is Machimiya… he was that annoying guy
at the Inter high race.
“Would you like your order for here or to go?” Leave me alone, stop talking to
me, I don’t want to have a conversation.
“It is rude to ignore questions, Midousuji,” He clicks his tongue, shaking his
head. This is the second time he’s done THAT.
“It’s Midousuji-kun.” I correct him.
“To go,” He answers, and after that he doesn’t say anything and goes over to
his group, they murmur and laugh, occasionally looking back at me. What is
wrong with these people?
When their order is done it’s brought to me and I place it on the counter and
call out their number. Machimiya saunters over and grasps the bags, but leans
over the counter, dangerously close to me and he whispers something that
catches me off guard.
“Tell your boyfriend I said hello, Midousuji-kun…” And then he leaves without
another word. Good riddance. But what did he mean? None of it makes any since
considering I don’t have a boyfriend and if I did it wouldn’t be public
knowledge.
I shrug it off and go back to work. Another hour passes and my boss tells me I
can leave early since it’s so dead today. I pull out my phone and text Onoda
that I am on my way, and he gets excited and starts telling me about the movies
he planned for us to watch. He’s disgustingly adorable sometimes.
---
***** Onoda-This can be our first step *****
I didn’t realize I had a crush on Midousuji until he made a joke like that. I
know it’s sudden and I should wait longer before making such claims but it all
just made sense. It explained why I couldn’t stop thinking about him and why my
stomach fluttered every time someone mentioned him and why I couldn’t get him
out of my head. I want to know everything about him; I want to hear him laugh
again. I don’t know what it is, but something about his voice makes my throat
dry up and my face heat up like I have a fever.
I am really nervous about all of it, I have never had a crush on a guy before,
I know its taboo and a lot of people frown upon it so I haven’t told anyone
about my crush, not even Naruko, but he suspects something is up, he keeps
asking me in class why I am smiling at my phone so often
The whole week I feel like I am walking through a pink fog and each time I
breathe it in it makes my entire body tingle with all these unfamiliar
sensations and encourage my brain to release bulky amounts of serotonin that
leave my head spinning each time I talk to him because the more I discover and
learn about Midousuji the harder my heart goes doki, doki.
Speaking of my heart, it’s erratic, as soon as I read Midousuji’s message
saying he is on his way all I could do was roll around on my bed covering my
face. I try to distract myself by looking at all my fandom posters. Is
Midousuji going to think I am weird since they are all so girly? What about my
figurines all over my computer desk… or what about the glittery stickers on my
TV? I groan and turn over onto my side, shielding my eyes with my arm.
I eventually pick up one of my Love Hime manga books, and it actually settles
my nerves for a while. I feel my pulse gradually slowing down as I absorb
myself into the art, the story and the characters.
I am laying on my stomach propped up on my elbows and half way through the
manga and nearly forgetting about the outside world when my bed dips under
someone else’s weight and creeks and I not entirely sure what’s happening when
a body lies prone next to mine and a pair of dark eyes meet mine as well as an
all too familiar grin that I have been thinking about too much lately. I think
I have been reading for too long if he’s already here. I didn’t even notice him
open my door.
“Are you telling people that we are boyfriends?” Midousuji asks suddenly with a
soft and curious tone and I jolt, eyes widening and my glasses falling down the
bridge of my nose.
“Huuh!? NO! W-why would I do that..?” I stammer, slamming my book closed. I
can’t help but analyze what he said. That we are boyfriends, what does that
mean? Am I just telling people that we are, or am I telling people that we are.
It’s not true either way! As far as I know we’re just friends! So he must not
mean it the other way. 
“Some small fry loser from the race told me to, “Say hi to my boyfriend for
him,”.” Midousuji shrugs; he lifts his hand and brings it to my face, using his
index finger to push my glasses back up into place. My body heats up and
suddenly I am hyper aware of all the places he’s making physical contact with
me. His shoulder, his hip…
“I-it c-c-could always be… uh… s-… someone else… they wer—were…..” My voice
trails off to a stop as he shifts his leg so that his thigh was pressing
against my uninjured one, and I don’t think he does so intentionally.
“Hi, boyfriend,” Midousuji says playfully as he nudges me with his shoulder. I
put my hands down on the bed in front of me and place my face in my palms and
all I can do is shake my head back and forth. Now he’s laughing. I think he’s
having a good time teasing me.
“What movie are we going to watch?” Midousuji asks with a curious tilt of his
head.
“Oh! Yeah, I rented two… uh… we can go watch them in the living room or in
here, w-whichever you prefer…” I wish I could get rid of the shy edge to my
voice.
“In here all alone..? You just want to lay the moves on me, huh?” He asks with
a raise of his eyebrows. I deadpan at him, he makes these romantic jokes all
the time; I’m getting used to it. I know it’s all in good fun, but sometimes
his efforts don’t work and I sass him back.
“Yes… I want to do despicable things with you. Like hold your hand…” I
have no idea where that spout of bravery came from but I’m rolling with it
because it makes Midousuji laugh so hard he falls off my bed and hits the floor
with a thud, still laughing.
“I… I HOPE…” He tries but he chokes on his words as laughter bursts from his
lips and he covers his face as I lean over the bed to look at him. I feel
really proud of myself right now.
He clears his throat, calming down and he sits up on his knees and leans on the
bed with his elbows propping up his chin as he stares at my poster covered wall
as if he were focusing. He releases a breath and then says, “I hope you use
moisturizing hand sanitizer…”
“I even clipped my fingernails, just for you, Midousuji-kun…” I say, displaying
them as if I were some kind of hand model and we both lose it at the same time.
“Let’s just go out there, the TV is bigger.” I point out after we both settle
down.
He shrugs after standing up as he says, “Whatever you say,” stretching his arms
above his head and his shirt lifts up to show his mid-section. He’s skinny, and
he has some perfectly straight scars just above his hipbone.
“How did that happen…?” I ask quietly, still staring at the spot even after he
puts his arms back down and his dark shirt falls back into place.
“What?” He asks, staring down at me with a tilt of his head. He follows my gaze
and his hand grips at the bottom of his shirt and he lifts it up higher than I
expected, above his nipples and my entire face goes red; “Oh you know,
exercise, healthy diet… ” He boasts, using his free hand to pat his forming
abdominal.
Does he not realize I was talking about the scars? They are just above that one
side of his hip, all in a row, there are a lot and some intersect, but they
look really old and faded, a slightly off white color of skin. They almost look
like self-inflicted injuries. He may have forgotten about them then, and if he
does or did self-harm I don’t think he would want me to bring it up.
“Oh…” I blink owlishly as my eyes dart away from his scars and scan his chest,
I have to bite my lip and look away and think about unpleasant things. I scurry
up from my bed with a loud noise just to fill the silence. With my boot the
task of getting on and on furniture is awkward, but I manage.
“Let’s go watch that movie!” I say, tugging at his sleeve as I point towards
the door with my other hand. He leans down close to my face his Cheshire-cat
grin and clicks his teeth together. I don’t exactly know what the action means
yet but it doesn’t bother me.
I shake my head at him and tug his sleeve, leading him out the door and down
the hall. I can hear my mom on the phone before we enter the living room, she
talks very loud. As soon as we come in she pauses and waves at us with a grin
from her reclining chair. I gesture for Midousuji to sit on the love seat
couch, since it had the best view of the TV in front of it.
Just as I get the movie plugged in and ready my mom gets done with her phone
call with a loud sigh, leaning back into the recliner as she sets the house
phone on the arm of it.
“Sakamichi, Akira, I’m afraid I forgot an important ingredient and I will have
to run to the market, dinner will be a little late!” She apologizes, but I
smile at her and shake my head. She’s such an air-head some times.
“It’s ok, Mom, don’t worry about it!” I say as I sit down next to Midousuji,
and he’s nodding, as if agreeing with my words.
She smiles and shakes her head as she stands up; crosses the room to grab her
purse off of the coat hanger and sling it over her shoulder.
“I’ll be back!” she says and vanishes out of sight. A few moments later the
front door opens and then shuts, the lock clicks in place and then her car
starts. It’s routine, but it feels different this time because I’m not alone.
For the first time, I am not home alone.
“Sakami-chi…”
I turn to look at Midousuji but I didn’t realize he was so close and in my
face, so my lips accidentally brush against the corner of his mouth and cheek
during the motion. I jerk back so fast I would have fallen if the couch hadn’t
caught me. Thanks couch. 
Midousuji is still in the same place looking at me as if nothing happened, he
tilts his head to a side and his tongue lulls out of his mouth for a brief
second before darting back in.
“What’re you doin’?” He asks with suspicion on his tone.
“Oh… you know… uh… j-just hanging out…” I try to recover by folding my arms
behind my head like this is comfortable for me. But having one leg propped up
on the couch and my booted one planted on the floor makes me feel spread open
and vulnerable, and quite frankly kind of rude.
Midousuji scoots closer so that he’s sitting between my legs with his on the
floor; he lifts my booted one and places it over his knee, then twists to face
me, he places his hands on the couch beside my hips and leans in closer with a
blank expression.
“Do you know what I want to do to you right now…?” He asks in a low tone and
the way the words roll off his tongue make me visibly shiver.
“Uh… y-you want to… um… help me with my homework…?” I guess with a nervous
laugh. I really don’t know if he’s joking right now or if he’s serious. The
world of Midousuji is an enigma.
“No,” he says flatly.  And I open my mouth to take a second guess but instead I
shriek as his hands grip my waist firmly.
“Y-yo-yo… you want… t-t- uh… to h-help m… me st-…tretch…?” My speech falls
apart more the shakier it gets to the point where I wasn’t even sure what was
coming out of my mouth.
“You’re so gross right now… I’m not even doing anything…” He laughs softly with
amusement, covering his mouth with his hand, “You are fun to tease,” he hums.
“B-but um… why do you… do it? You um… told me… y-you’re not… sure…” I ask,
feeling slightly bold. I was reminding him of one of our latest conversations,
where he had asked me why I find him so appealing, and in turn I asked him if
he thought the same of me and that is what he answered, “unsure.”
“I don’t really know… honestly, I think I am curious.” He admits, and his
cheeks fill with a color I have never them before, “I feel… happy… talking to
you all the time, and I guess, I want to try gross intimate things with you but
I don’t want to do it all at once because its too fast, but I don’t
know what to do, you know what I mean? I was never really an affectionate
person, ever… I mean…” His voice turns soft and he trails off, I can tell it’s
hard for him to talk about this type of stuff, how he feels, and I nod
encouragingly, propping myself up on my elbow while placing the other hand on
his chest to push him back to give me enough room to sit up.
“The only person who was… ever nice to me was my mother… and then suddenly you
come along after I finally get used to… this…” He says as he hugs himself
tightly. I’m not exactly sure what this means but I’m fairly sure he’s talking
about shutting people out.
“Do you think your mom would want you to do that, Akira? Make yourself this
lonely?” I ask gently, watching his expression very carefully. His brow draws
forward and the corner of his mouth twitches downward as his eyes flicker from
me to somewhere far away.
“I never said I was lonely.” He states defensively, his posture becomes tense.
I reach out and place my hands on his shoulders, light contact. I know I am
pushing boundaries, lines that he has clearly set and labeled for me not to
cross but I can’t help it, I don’t want to ignore his feelings and I don’t want
him to ignore them either, it’s not healthy, he’s just hurting himself.
And since we live so far away from each other and he’s busy so I know we won’t
have many opportunities together and I want to be able to make all of them
count, I want to help heal him, I want to make him as happy… no happier than he
was before his mother passed away.
“You didn’t have to, I can tell. Don’t you think it would make her sad to see
you like this?” I grip him tighter because I am afraid he will try to run, but
he swats away my hands roughly and tries to pull away from me. I watch his eyes
become hazy with tears that he’s trying so hard to fight back and it
makes me want to cry watching him do that to himself. I grab his wrists and
hold on tight.
“Let go of me, you disgust me! You don’t know anything about me! Like,
EVERYTHING I have been doing the past week was a lie, just so you would trust
me and tell me all your dirty little secrets! I don’t even like you as a
FRIEND, why would I? Someone as pathetic as you..!” He snaps at me. Nothing he
says affects me because I know he doesn’t mean it, when he said it, his voice
cracks and his hands start shaking; I can see on his face that he doesn’t mean
any of it. He’s afraid to let me in.
“Akira… I know you don’t mean any of that…” I reach up and grasp his face
between my hands, and he jerks away at first but not enough to shake them off,
“Its ok to cry,” I promise him, but he still holds it back, refuses to let it
go.
“I’m here for you; I’ll always be here for you… I care about you a whole lot.
Holding all your hurt inside of you, it isn’t good, it won’t help. When is the
last time you cried?” I ask, watching his eyes dart around, thinking, he’s
thinking. Is he trying to remember? It’s taking a while, but I wait of course.
“I don’t cry… not… n-not when she died. Not ever…” He admits, shaking his head
slightly.
“Why not..?” I pry. I can tell he is reluctant to be telling me anything at
all, and he might just shut me out if I push too hard.
“She would always say I was tough… when I first rode a bike, I fell a lot, I
wasn’t good at it, I would constantly get banged up, and I would just get back
on. She said she was proud of me for being so strong. If… if she saw me cry, if
she knew I was crying… I’m… afraid she would be disappointed in me…”
This is so hard for him; I know it is… I want him to let it go, finally release
all the bad he’s held in for so long. But he’s been like this for so many
years; I can’t fix it all in twenty minutes, or even a week.
“You don’t have to say anymore if you don’t want to… but when you want to, you
can come to me, always.” I promise as my hands start to fall from his face, he
catches them and holds them awkwardly, pinching my thumbs between his and his
forefingers. I don’t question him right away, his eyes are searching again,
he’s trying to figure out how to say what he’s feeling; it must be hard for
someone not used to doing it. I’m very patient.
In the meantime I shift my attention to his hands, his gloves, and I realize I
have never seen him not wearing hand coverings, the scars on his hip pop in my
mind and I squeeze my eyes shut as it clicks into place.
“This can be our first step… this is ok…” He sounds almost unsure of himself,
and I think it is because he doesn’t know if I’m ok with holding hands.
“C…can I take your gloves off?” I ask quietly, almost a whisper. He draws his
hands back and shakes his head, his entire demeanor going rigid.
“I already know… I… uh… I understand, I mean, it is how you deal with your
feelings… you don’t know how else to…” I reach out and take one of his hands in
both of mine, it’s so much bigger. I pinch the fabric, pulling it up; detaching
it from each digit slowly, giving Midousuji plenty of time to pull away if he
wasn’t ready for me to do this yet.
Once the glove is off I set it on my thigh, before carefully grasping his hand
in mine. I turn it over palm side up and trace my index finger over the scars
that started at the bottom of his wrist, then his palm, I follow the creases up
to the first finger, the pinky. I press my thumb against the pad of the
littlest finger and squish it lightly. His hands are so soft. I move onto the
next finger, and the next, slowly become transfixed by the architecture of his
hand.I discover an old burn scar on the back of his hand and it has a rough
texture to it, I rub the pad of my thumb over it from start to end.
“Sakamichi… this is the grossest thing I’ve done…” Midousuji confesses as he
flattens his palm against mine and turns it just right before slotting our
fingers together. His hands are so much bigger than mine it makes me feel like
a little kid. But… they fit together so perfectly. My heart flutters, I can’t
help but smile. The word gross is starting to sound a lot more affectionate to
me now.
“Are you gonna play the movie..?” He asks, and I jolt at the reminder of what
we were doing.
“Yeah, of course we can!” I pull away from him for a second because the remote
was too far for me to reach while still holding his hand. I grab it from the
corner of the coffee table and situate myself back next to him, and to my
surprise he touches my thigh and it causes me to jolt and let out a high
pitched sound. His glove, that’s why… I remind myself, feeling embarrassed when
that realization hit me. I watch him slip it back on, smiling at him sheepishly
as he gives me a one eyebrow raised look.
I look away from him, focusing on the remote as my fingers fumble over
the play button. Why do I have to make the atmosphere so tense? I sink back
into the couch as the movie starts. It’s something I thought Midousuji would
like since he likes Sci-Fi and Fantasy type of stuff, so how could I go wrong
about a movie about cars that transform into giant fighting robots?
“Sakamichi…” He grunts, sliding his arm over the back of the couch as he
crosses one leg over the other, his eyes are fixated on the screen, and I think
he’s trying a little too hard to look bored, the tension in his jaw makes that
apparent.
“I—uh… y-yes, A-Akira..?”
“Why are you…”He clicks his teeth again and cranks his neck to look at me,
squinting hard as if he were in desperate need of glasses, “All the way
over there..?”
 I think he wants to cuddle with me..? I’m fairly sure that’s what he’s
insinuating anyway! But he’s been pretty bold with me before, but wait… could
it be… what he said, that mean stuff… what if he convinced himself that was
true because he didn’t know how to deal with his real feelings? What if… what
if he was only bold before because he was telling himself it was a part of his
plan? But now… he can’t tell himself that anymore. Dare I say it..? He’s being
shy… I have to cover my mouth with my hand to prevent my giggles from escaping.
Midousuji… SHY! I grin, biting my lip to try and keep back my glee. He really
does like me then.
An idea strikes me, and for some reason knowing that Midousuji is probably more
anxious than I have ever been right now makes me feel bold. I turn my back to
him, situating the pillows so that my booted leg could sit comfortably before I
fall back; using Midousuji’s thighs as a pillow.
He threads his fingers into my hair without a word; something about it is very
relaxing and makes me kind of sleepy. I never thought having someone do this
would be so calming and nice. My eyes flutter shut for just a moment… a tiny
little second…
When I open them again I am on the other side of the couch, the sizzling of
cooking added with distant chatter fills my senses. It smells good. I blink the
sleepiness out of my eyes as I sit back up and look around. The movie is on the
menu screen again. Did I really sleep through a 2 hour movie? I look towards
the sliding glass door, noticing its dark out and it’s raining pretty hard.
Well that’s no good.
I get up slowly and do my awkward penguin walk to the kitchen; I pause in the
doorway, awestruck at the scene before me; Midousuji and my mother cooking and
laughing together. I’m glad mom likes him… I smile, leaning against the frame
of the door as I watched on. I wonder how long it has been since he has had
this kind of bonding, with a parent…
 “Well good evening there, Sunshine. Have a nice nap?” Midousuji asks me as he
turns around to set a bowl of rice on the counter.
“It’s his medication; it makes him so drowsy all day! It reminds me of when he
was young again, he would always---…” My mom starts, and I know what story
she’s about to tell, when I was younger I would take naps and when my mom got
concerned and asked me why I told her, ”Because I am waiting for my prince
charming to come wake me with a kiss,” I was like 6 years old! Midousuji
doesn’t need to know the embarrassing things young me said.
“NO MOM! U-uh! Midousuji-kun doesn’t want to hear about those sorts of silly
things!” I hobble further into the room as I wave my arms frantically.
Midousuji takes notice of my behavior and grins widely as he narrows his eyes
at me.
“YES, Mom..! I would very much like to hear this story,” Midousuji urges her on
with that perfect smile of his. She giggles into her hand and pats him on the
arm as she shakes her head.
“He would take naps constantly! I was so worried! I thought maybe he was sick
or something awful!” She explains as she places her hands on her hips and
smiles at the memory. All I could do was cover my face, modified.
“So I went to him one day and asked, “Sakamichi, are you feeling well? Why do
you nap so often?” And he looks at me, so serious, and he looks me dead in the
eye and tells me, “Mom, if I am not sleeping, how will my prince charming come
wake me up with true loves first kiss?”.” As she finishes Midousuji doubles
over, holding his sides as laughter erupts from the bowels of his sick sense of
humor.
Over dinner, that hadn’t been the last embarrassing story my mom decided it was
ok to tell Midousuji, no she had much more humiliating things to tell him.
Including the time I was terrified to go in the bathtub because I thought I
could go down the drain. Andafter dinner, she decided to show him my baby
pictures.
“Hahaha! Look here, this is little Sakamichi in the bathtub…” My mom giggles as
she points to the picture. This is where I draw the line! I dive on top of the
book she has opened up on the coffee table and use my body to cover the
horrific images.
“YOU CAN’T SHOW HIM NAKED PICTURES OF ME!” I shriek, doing my best to gather up
the book and close it without Midousuji seeing anymore humiliating images of
me.
“Oh, Sakamichi..! You were such a cute little boy!” My mom muses as she reaches
out to pinch my cheek, to which Midousuji tries to swallow down a laugh which
causes him to make a strange snorting noise as he covers his mouth. His eyes
are watering and I’m fairly sure he’s been trying his hardest this whole time
not to laugh about everything my mom has been telling and showing him.
“Ah..! I’m pretty tired! I will be going to bed now,” My mom says, stretching
her limbs as she stood from her chair. She circles around to the back door,
pulling back the curtains to look outside; the rain is still coming down pretty
hard, “Akira why don’t you stay the night? It would be awful to ride your bike
home in weather like this. Would your aunt be ok with that?” She asks, tilting
her head slightly in Midousuji’s direction.
I look at him too, and he’s got that bored look on his face as he’s sitting on
the floor with his legs crossed, hands behind him to keep him up, he shrugs,
shifting his eyes to stare down at the carpet.
“Nah… she wouldn’t care. That’s fine.”
---
 
***** Midousuji-Progression, and... I'M the submissive one? *****
Chapter Notes
     Q// //Q thank you all for your kind words and encouragement
     wauhhhhhhhhhh DSFGFHKGJ;AD;HGJL um... kind of... nsfwish... this
     chapter... yeah...
See the end of the chapter for more notes
---
My aunt has never cared about me. I have been gone for days at a time and when
I return, it’s always the same. She acts like I was never missing at all. Yuki
notices when she needs something. Grandpa, I don’t think he knows I live there
too.
“Nah… she wouldn’t care. That’s fine.”  I mutter as I start picking at carpet
fibers.
“Well good! Goodnight boys, don’t stay up too late,” Miss Onoda says with that
sweet sing-song tone she seems to always use as she passes through the living
room and vanishes from sight.
“H-hey, Midousuji-kun…” Onoda stammers out. Why the formalities again?
“Hmm..?” I crane my neck to the side to watch him as he gathers up his family
albums from the coffee table before taking them back to the book case his
mother got them from.
“Are you… doing anything tomorrow..?” Onoda asks, his back turned to me as he
tries to organize the binders of photos perfectly, but I think it’s an excuse
to not look directly at me. With a sigh I lie on my back on the floor, closing
my eyes. Normally on the weekends I sit in my room and sleep all day, or I go
out riding.
“Nope... weekends are boring for me.” I say with an edge of bitterness. I hate
being home.
“O-oh… well… do you want to… maybe… you um… you co-could…” Onoda trails off
again the way he does when he is embarrassed to ask something. I push myself up
from the ground and saunter over to where he is still standing with his back to
me. I lean over him to look at his face and he’s doing that thing, chewing his
lip again. He’s going to make himself bleed if he keeps it up.
“Stop doing that.” I demand; he gets that confused look as he turns to fully
face me.
“Doing what..?” He’s either play dumb or he really doesn’t know he’s doing it.
“Did you want me to do something with you tomorrow? Is that why you’re asking?”
I guess; it seemed like the most logical choice considering he has some absurd
infatuation with me.
“Y-yes… is… wo-would, um… t-that be ok..?” He asks, wringing his hands as his
gaze shifts around nervously, desperately trying to settle on something that
wasn’t me.
“Sure,”  
I didn’t know then what I had started, four months go by and we settle into a
routine that I am pretty sure isn’t healthy. Well… at least to me it feels
weird to be so completely dependent on another person like this. We never stop
talking. Throughout the week we text each other consistently, but soon that
wasn’t enough so we would start calling when we could. But then thatwasn’t
enough so instead of me staying over every Saturday I would stay all weekend.
Onoda is really… easyto talk to about… those disgusting things that I don’t
really like to pay attention to… for some reason it makes me feel a little
better to talk about them. I can’t stop feeling guilty for ever considering
this person, that makes my day so bearable, to be nothing but a pawn. It makes
me sick to my stomach to think I was ever pushing him away.
Now I get anxiety if I am not physically with him, I think it started around 4
weeks, that I felt a ping of sadness once during class when I realized I would
have to wait a whole 5 days to see him again, but now its escalated to
something persistent, like an itch just beneath my skin and it doesn’t matter
how hard I scratch the irritation of it never goes away unless I am with him.
Usually our time spent together is a lot of lazy domestication, like walking to
the market for groceries, watching TV series together, or just doing our own
separate things in the same room, quietly enjoying one another’s presence and
that is enough for me. Until his ankle finally healed, that was all we coulddo,
when he could take off the leg brace and got his stiches out his doctor finally
gave him the OK to start riding his bike again, we started going on mountain
trails together or riding to Akihabara for whatever anime related otaku trash
the little nerd wanted. I have to admit, some of the Gundam figurines are
pretty cool in the usual store we go to, I would never buy one though.
I think it’s a little strange that we spend all this time together yet not once
have I made any encounters with his bike club friends. It’s something I am
dreading and I am glad fate is on my side and prolonging it as long as it is.
When summer break starts that anxious itch starts to go away too since now I
have a lot more time to spend with him, I practically live there, the only
reason I ever go home now is to get clothes.
Miss Onoda doesn’t mind me being there, at first she was worried about my aunt
being worried about me but Onoda pulled her aside and explained my situation.
Of course I told him everything about how I lived eventually, and it was so
hard for me to do because I didn’t want him to think less of me, but he didn’t,
he hugged me and said, “I’m sorry.”
Two weeks into summer I realize that I am not the only one with family
problems, Onoda’s mother is very loving of course, but she’s almost never home.
She goes on a lot of business trips that last for days at a time, and during
regular work days she doesn’t come home until really late, its Onoda who does a
lot of the housework and cooking, like a housewife. I muse.
No one ever brings up his father; I have never seen pictures of him either. It
is suspicious and has me curious but I would never bring up something like that
unless Onoda wanted to. He seems perfectly happy not talking about his father,
and if that’s the case, then so am I.
By the end of the third week, Friday, I have to go back to my aunt’s to gather
some belongings I needed, and for the first time in a long time my aunt stops
me and starts talking to me, her friendliness was suspicious and I was right,
she tells me I have to babysit because she’s going somewhere and grandpa is
out, everything with her is so vague with no specifications.
Babysitting Yuki is boring, the only thing keeping me sane is the back and
forth text messages from Onoda.  We were talking about a trail we both were
excited about riding tomorrow and Onoda was asking if it was ok if his red-
headed friend Naruko came with us, he is a loud mouth but I told him I was fine
with it. I mean, I can’t isolate Onoda from all his other friends.
I don’t get why I have to watch Yuki, the only thing she needs me for is to
make her dinner, she does her own thing, whatever that entails; but I guess it
makes her mother comfortable knowing an adult figure is in the house just in
case or whatever. So I end up in my room, lying on the floor with my legs
propped up on the bed, counting the dots on the popcorn ceiling at 11:30, and
my aunt still isn’t home. Onoda said he was going to bed an hour ago so I am
REALLY bored now. But then my phone vibrates where it lies on my stomach,
jolting me from my daydreaming.
Sakamichi: I can’t sleep, it’s too weird.
So he thinks so too, I have become so used to sharing the same bed with that
otaku loser that now I can’t even lay in bed without thrashing around
uncomfortably with that weird itch under my skin.
Me: I know right. I’m used to you hogging the bed and molesting me.
Sakamichi: It’s called cuddling, and you love it.
Me: Oh yeah, because I love waking up to your morning wood poking me in the
ass.
It only happened once but I have never let him forget it. He was so
embarrassed, I think he said sorry to me a grand total of 140 times in the same
day. We are just friends, as far as we’ve decided. I know he likes me that way,
obviously, but I’m still not sure, and with all this sickeningly sweet
friendship he’s been shoving down my throat it hasn’t given me room to consider
anything else.
Sakamichi: How many times do I need to say I’m sorry? Q _ Q
It’s late, I’m deliriously tired and now I’m thinking casually about boners and
it reminds me that he doesn’t know about the one time I got hard because of him
and I have continuously convinced myself that it only happened because the road
was bumpy.
For some reason my wanders there again and reconsiders it. I stop blocking it
out for a moment and allow the image to flood into my mind but it doesn’t
really do anything except for make me feel awkward because I suddenly realize
every guy has woken up with an erection at least a few dozen times and it
doesn’t necessarily mean anything, so maybe Onoda doesn’t think about me on an
intimate level. While here I am, trying to justify a slightly gravely rode for
my own body’s reactions. I am curious anyway.
Me: Do I turn you on?
I press send before I can realize what I wrote and it’s already too late and I
can’t believe I actually said something like that to him; Onoda has never
brought up anything sexual at all, not even in a joking way.
After a few minutes of mentally scolding myself and scrubbing my face with my
hands I grab my phone and look at the new message, I didn’t expect what I read
and I had to re-read it to be sure my eyes weren’t tricking me.
Sakamichi: Yeah.
And I know I have entered dangerous territory again, the borderline of
friendship that I still haven’t decided if I want to cross yet. I don’t know
why my face is so warm; it’s only one little word. Yeah. That’s it. What’s
wrong with me?
Me: Haha, gross. I bet you even touch yourself thinking about me too.
I think I meant it as a joke, to poke fun of his crush on me, but it backfires
when he responds.
Sakamichi: Can we not… talk about this..? You’re making me horny, Akira.
Reading thatsends an instant jolt of electricity to my dick and it surprises me
so much that I drop my phone onto my face. I turn my head, letting it slide
onto the floor as I wrap my arms around myself.
I imagine him right now, in bed with his hand dipping beneath the waistband of
his girly pajama bottoms and rubbing himself with my name on his tongue and
then that feeling happens again and my own pants feel tighter. Oh god, I think
I might like this.
Me: What if that’s what I want?
Sakamichi: Uh…?
Sakamichi: Um… then… I would… do whatever you wanted me to…
Me: I bet you would look so cute being sucked off.
And it’s official; I crossed the line into this unknown territory. It both
terrifies and fills me with excitement.
Sakamichi: You would uh… probably be good at doing it.
Me: You wanna find out? ( ;
Sakamichi: oh god… Are you..?
Me: Am I what?
Sakamichi: Into this..? Like… are you hard?
I slip my hand between my legs, palm flattened against the bulge in my jeans
and squeeze slightly. It feels good.
Me: Yeah, I am.
Sakamichi: oh god...
Upon hearing the front door I jolt, my hand pulls away from my crotch as if it
had been burned and I sit up fast, staring at my door with horror as if I was
about to be walked in on. But I wasn’t. 
I slip my phone into my pocket and stand up, scrubbing my face with my hands as
I try my hardest to get rid of my erection. I think about Mizuta from last
week’s practice, he had salad stuck in his braces the entire day. It was
disgusting. It worked.
Me: My aunt is finally back.
Sakamichi: Oh… are you going to come over now? I miss you! D:
For the time I forget about our filthy messages and lock it in the back of my
subconscious for the time being because I don’t need to be sporting a hard-on
while riding my bike.
Me: Of course.
I pass my aunt on the way out with my backpack thrown over my shoulder. She
doesn’t say a word to me as she stumbles in, reeking of booze. But when I turn
the doorknob she shouts something at me that’s too slurred for me to
understand.
“What?” I turn to face her; she’s squinting at me like she’s trying to stop the
world from spinning.
“Where’re you keep goin’ all the time?” She hiccups, swaying on her feet,
“Girlfriend..?” She guesses. I shrug, not entirely sure what I should tell her.
“Yeah, exactly… my girlfriend,” I say just to appease her; I don’t want to have
to explain my complicated relationship with my best friend to someone who
really doesn’t give a shit.
“OH, ok… that’s fun… that’s a lot of fun. Have fun, bye!” She slurs, waving at
me awkwardly before I walk out the door, rolling my eyes.
---
I don’t bother knocking at the Onoda’s anymore, I just walk right on in, but it
worries me that the door is left unlocked since Sakamichi’s mom isn’t home, she
won’t be until Sunday. I kick my shoes off at the door and hang my coat on the
rack. The house is dark and I wonder briefly if Onoda fell asleep. I lock the
front door before heading to his room.
He is curled up on his side facing the wall, but his bedside lamp is on, so I
am not sure if he is asleep or not. I set my backpack by the door before
closing it slightly, the hinges creek slightly.
“Sakamichi..? Are you awake?” I ask as I plop down on the bed on my back; I
rest my head resting on the extra soft pillows; so soft… I’m feeling tired, but
also strangely excited.
“Uh-huh…”  
The atmosphere changes, filling with tension and hesitation; we’re both
thinking about it. The line… we crossed it, and I think we did too soon, but we
both want it. I have never been kissed before, and he’s mentioned that he
hasn’t either. Why is it so much easier to text to him what I want to say than
actually just say it? Should we both sleep, wait until morning when we’re not
this tired and thinking clearly?
I start slipping my gloves off one finger at a time; it’s something I have come
to be more comfortable with, but only around Sakamichi. I set them on the… what
is that?Whatever it is, next to Onoda’s glasses… the lamp holding desk… the bed
side table… I am so tired my brain can’t even connect the name with the object,
which only proves my point further.
Sakamichi seems to have made up his mind though; the bed shifts and before I
can process what is going on he’s on top of me, straddling my waist with his
palms pressed against my shoulders. His face is so red and his lower lip is
bruised from worrying his teeth against it.
I open my mouth, maybe I wanted to explain to him my way of thinking, that
we’re too tired and we should wait to make a step this big, but my brain turns
to mush when he shifts his hips so slightly and rubs against my groin. An
unexpected jolt goes straight there and my mind spins, the whole thing feels
surreal. I never knew Onoda could make an expression like that, his eyes half
lidded with lust and his teeth digging slightly into his lower lip. I don’t
care anymore! If he keeps looking at me like THAT he can do whatever he wants
to me.
I close my eyes as he starts to lean towards me. That is kissing edict, right?
His lips brush my chin and its clumsy, he missed; I can’t help it, I grin,
snickering. He tries again and this time lands it; I can feel his smile against
mine, his own bubbly giggling feels like vibrations that make my lips and teeth
tingle pleasantly.
“I’m s-sorry…” He stammers, pulling away faster than I would have liked. My
eyes flutter open and I see him covering his eyes with his hands. That won’t
do. I reach out and grab his wrists, taking his hands and placing them on my
shoulder, in doing so it drags him closer to me. He blinks at me owlishly.
“For what..?” The softness of my own voice surprises me a little as I wrap my
arms around his shoulders, pulling him down for another kiss, led by myself
this time. His lips are soft and taste like that girly cherry chap-stick I make
fun of him for using. Each kiss escalates a little further than the last, from
light peppered smacks of the lips to the tips of our tongues shyly taking turns
tracing the shape of each other’s lips.
Sakamichi breaks off the kiss, both of us panting irregularly. He rests his
head on my shoulder as he murmurs something against the shell of my ear,
“Akira… w—would… y….”
I wait patiently for him to spill out what he’s trying to say; in the meanwhile
I shift my hands, moving them from his shoulders to wrap around his waist.
“Um… this… is ok… right..?” Sakamichi asks as his hands slide down my chest and
then up my shirt, pushing the fabric up as he went.
“Mmhmm…” I close my eyes again, my mind drifting away as I focus on every
little touch and sensation because it was new to me, I have never had anyone
touch me this way. His mouth on my chest is a foreign feeling. The way that
skilled little pink tongue swirls around a nipple while he massages his thumb
around the other has me making noises I didn’t even know I was capable of;
pathetic and desperate. I’m so gross.
I bite my lip as he trails down lower, I’m so lost in the feeling that I don’t
realize exactly what he’s up to until he’s already hooked his fingers in the
waistband of my jeans and pulled them midway down my thighs when I arched to
the feeling of his teeth scraping against my hipbone. I never thought Onoda
would be this bold in this type of situation. Maybe he isn’t being bold and
this is just how he acts when he’s deliriously tired mixed with horny. I never
imaged he would be someone to just jump into sexual intimacy, in fact, he
strikes me as a person who would be a disgusting sweaty and shaking profusely
mess on their wedding night.
“S-Sakamichi… wait…” I’m saying before my thought process can even complete
itself.
“Hmm..?” He stops kissing my lower stomach in favor of looking up at me,
patient, half lidded eyes and a soft smile. He doesn’t even seem hesitant.
“Should we… wait… before going so far? I mean… um… are you sure you want to do
this with me?” Sometime during my question my gaze shifts away from his face
and the heat pools in my cheeks because what was I saying? It’s obvious he
wants me if the boner pressed against my thigh is anything to go by. It
suddenly clicks and my eyes widen as Sakamichi starts laughing, I think he
knows too. It’s me, I’m the disgusting mess shaking and sweating buckets in the
corner on their wedding night.
“Just tell me what’s ok and what isn’t, I won’t force you into something you
aren’t yet comfortable with, I promise.” Sakamichi laughs softly with amusement
at my struggle, as he kisses my jaw tentatively.
“This is so backwards…” I groan, shielding my eyes by draping my forearm over
my face while Sakamichi readjusts himself so that he’s straddling my waist
again but this time isn’t sitting on me, just hovering.
“It’s ok… I mean I have had a lot more time to consider it than you have, uh,
and I already know, one hundred percent, that you are who I want, Akira…”
Sakamichi tells me in that sickeningly tender tone he uses when he wants me to
know he understands how I am feeling. The word want holds so much more depth
the way he says it. I am the one he wants, me entirely. No one else… realizing
his feelings ran this deep for me makes me breathless.
“I want you too…” The words tumble out of my lips before I can register them,
and just like that, the line of friendship, the one we have been skirting
around apprehensively for months is something so far behind us it isn’t even
visible anymore. Admitting it out loud, admitting it in general that I want him
like this feels like a weight that I hadn’t realized was baring down upon me
has been lifted.
A small jolt of Sakamichi’s hips brings me back to the present, reminds me of
the situation and of the painful throbbing between my legs that he decided
would be a good seat; and he start to gyrate his hips in such an unfair way. It
has pathetic little noises rising from my throat that slowly become less
embarrassing and louder because god I want him to touch me so badly.I’m not
sure when I started grinding up against him but I know it was a good idea, but
it’s not enough and there is too much in the way.
I flip our positions and Sakamichi releases a surprised squeal that turns into
giggling as I hook my fingers into his bottoms and yank them down in one tug, I
sit up, letting him kick them off the rest of the way, and I do the same for my
pants, throwing them in whatever direction because they don’t matter right now,
before leaning back down to kiss his neck. I love the way his skin feels on my
lips, the way he tastes on my tongue and every little hitch of breath and gasp
he makes as I leave a trail of red love bites from his jaw to his collarbone.
“I-is this ok..?” Sakamichi asks as he tugs slightly at the hem of my boxers,
and I shake my head, not yet… I’m not ready. I take the hand he has on my hip
and I move it, place it where I want it, outside my underwear, cupping my
arousal through the cloth, and he gets the hint and starts working his hand,
and I start doing the same to him as I kiss his lips.
I have decided my new favorite thing is Sakamichi moaning into my mouth, how it
sounds to the way it tingles my tongue and teeth sends jolts of electricity
down to my arousal, and it isn’t very long before I tip over the edge and
release into my boxers. I try not to be embarrassed at how fast I came and
remind myself that I am not very experienced and such things are to be
expected.
I focus instead on Sakamichi, the way his eyes are closed and his brows are
drawn together tells me he’s close, so I rub him a little faster, switching
from a round motion to an up and down one because that’s what he did to me. I
don’t like how hard he’s biting his lip, I am afraid he’ll puncture the skin so
without thinking I reach up with my free hand and rub my thumb against his lip,
thinking maybe he would get the hint and release, and he does, but to my
surprise his tongue darts out and rolls over the digit, and I would have pulled
back if he hadn’t grasped my wrist to keep it in place and he bites it! I would
have been more offended if he hadn’t just came and made a mess of his underwear
and my hand. Well, only a little bit got on my fingers. That was fun and all,
but now I feel really dirty.
“D-do you want to go shower first?” He asks me after catching his breath,
staring at the sticky fingers I kept scissoring just so I could watch the
strings of cum separate and reconnect. Fascinating and disgusting.
“Yeah,”
---
“Your helmet strap is twisted…” I tell Onoda, sitting on my De Rosa slouched
over the handle bars as we wait for his friend to meet up with us at the start
of a trail we had planned to ride together through this park.
“No it’s not,” Onoda argues; he doesn’t even try to feel the strap for any
kinks or twists but it’s clearly there, I can see it. All he’s doing is looking
at his phone, texting his red-headed friend.
“It’s bothering me…” I mutter, glaring at that stupid fold of strap that for
some reason he doesn’t realize is there. I take matters into my own hands,
kicking out my kick-stand and walking over to him, I lean down and unbuckle his
helmet and untwist the stupid strap.
“OH! I didn’t even notice that,” He laughs. As I re-buckle his helmet I glance
down at the princess license plate that he still hasn’t noticed. I have been so
temped lately to just tell him because I don’t think he’ll ever figure it out
at this rate.
“You don’t notice a lot of things…”  I cup his face and lean into kiss him but
our helmets knock together and prevent me. That was awkward. Onoda presses his
lips together as he tries not to laugh at me.
“Just tilt your head,” He instructs me, but at the same time we both try to
tilt our head and the same thing happens.
“Why did you tilt? I thought you told me to do it?” I scowl at him as his
cheeks turn pink while he’s laughing.
“Ok, ok, youdo it this time… I will go the other way,”
As our lips meet there is a loud and annoying noise from behind us, “HEY GUYS!
ARE YOU READY FOR THIS!?”
It startles both of us and causes Onoda to jolt and crash our teeth together
and as I’m pulling away his helmet bashes me in the nose. I turn around; hand
over my nose, I think it’s bleeding.
“I-I’m sorry!” Onoda stammers, grabbing my arm and squeezing it slightly. I
turn around to face him.
“Is it bleeding?” I ask, removing my hand, and he examines my face carefully
before shaking his head.
“No, I’m sorry! Naruko scared me!” Onoda apologizes and I can tell from that
puppy dog eyed look he has that he feels really bad. I grin at him and shake my
head.
“Do you think he saw?” I ask, glancing behind us at the rapidly approaching red
blur while I mount my bike.
“Long time no see, Onoda-kun!” Naruko booms, grinning from ear to ear as he
stops just behind Onoda, extending his arm over his handle bars. My boyfriend
leans back and slaps his hand, and then they bump knuckles; some kind of…
secret friendship handshake, maybe?
 “I know! I missed you!” Onoda laughs as Naruko turns his attention to me, and
I expect some kind of distain in his features but there wasn’t, just curiosity.
“Eh… Naruko-kun, I don’t know if you remember him but this is Midousuji-kun…”
“Ah, yeah, I remember him alright! He didn’t leave a very good first
impression!” Naruko directs at me and I flinch. I suspected Onoda’s friends
would hold grudges against me.
Naruko rides closer to me and extends his arm and I can only stare at it,
blinking. What is he doing? He’s smiling at me, but why? He just got done
saying I didn’t leave a good impression with him. So why would he extend a
friendly gesture?
“If Onoda-kun thinks you are a good person then I trust his judgment. Any
friend of his is a friend of mine! Let’s have fun today, Midousuji-kun!”
I stare at his hand for a while, dumbfounded and touched by his words. I feel
my lips splitting into a grin as I reach out and slap his hand.We are going to
ride for fun today.
---
Chapter End Notes
     I regret everything except for awkward kisses fml
***** Onoda-A distraction *****
Chapter Notes
     Sorry for taking so long to update this time around, I have been
     rather busy, I will finish this story though, don't worrry haha :
     P and thank you all for your support and kind words and feedback,
     they mean a lot to me and I find them inspirational!
---
I knew out of all my friends Naruko would get along with Midousuji the best,
although I didn’t expect anything more than mild tolerance and the occasional
chit-chat.  But the two of them seem to be hitting it off better than I
expected; at first the trail ride was filled with Naruko sharing his summer
stories about going on vacation with his family and how bored he had gotten
since he wasn’t allowed to bring his bike to the beach, but said he had fun
anyway.
After we climbed to the top of the trail the two started to have some kind of
friendly race between them that turned into a bet, but I am not entirely sure
what it’s about since they rode off before I could hear.
I didn’t really feel lonely when they raced off without me; instead I am kind
of relieved, since they are having fun together that is all that matters.
They’re both very important people to me. I thought there might be some tension
between the two of them, the fact that there isn’t is a pleasant surprise. I
just wish that would be the same with the rest of my friends. I know there is a
lot of past damage between Midousuji and Imaizumi that won’t be fixed with just
a few words, but I hope they will be able to work out some sort of mild
tolerancefor each other at the very least. I don’t want to have to keep hiding
our relationship, but I am not sure blurting it out is the best option, I think
giving them all a while to digest that he and I are even friends for now is
what we need to do.
Out of my thoughts I realize, it’s a very nice day today, the sun is shining
through the tree canopy overhead which creates patches of light against the
dirt path ahead of me; it’s chilly enough in the shade that my bare-arms get
goose bumps, and I almost wish I had brought a jacket with me. Something about
today feels nostalgic though; it reminds me of being younger, going to the
beach with my mother and going clam digging. She would always tell me to bring
my jacket because the beach would be chilly, and I would always leave my coat
in the car thinking the sun would keep me warm, but it always turned out she
was right, and she would let my wear her slicker jacket. 
Coming down from over a hill just a head there is a place where  the path
connects to two others, Midousuji and Naruko went straight, and the other leads
to somewhere else, I’m not entirely sure where, but I do know all these trails
are connected and will eventually lead to the park exit or its entrance.I keep
going forward of course, watching my friends vanish after turning left, the
trees and shrubbery block my view of them. I should speed up so I don’t get
left further behind.
“Oh! What do we have here?” A voice from behind startles me and has my foot
slipping off my pedal momentarily. I glance over my shoulder and my smile
falls, eyes widen at what I saw. Where did he come from?  Machimiya… I haven’t
heard from him for months, I thought he was leaving me alone finally. Could it
be he followed me here? Or was this a coincidence..?
“So rude..! Are you going to just ignore me? Not even so much as a hello!”
Machimiya says as he catches up with me easily, riding beside me, and it makes
me anxious and very uncomfortable and I flinch out of reflex.
“Um… h-hello…” I stammer, glancing ahead of me, I can’t even hear their bikes
anymore.
“You’re really cute, Onoda-kun…” He rides ahead of me after saying this, and I
hoped he would take off and it would be the end of it, but he comes to a
screeching halt, his tires kicking up dirt as he turns hard so he could block
me. I squeeze my brakes just in time to avoid smashing into him.
“C…could you please, uh… p…please move,” My voice comes out pathetically soft,
and weak, it makes me angry inside that I can’t summon any amount of courage.
“Oh come now, let’s have a little talk. Look, I am sorry about how I acted at
the race, I get competitive, surely you can understand…” He grins widely, the
way the creases in his face shift in doing so make the bags under his eyes more
pronounced and I can’t help but wonder what caused it. Does he not get enough
sleep? Could it be that he smokes? I don’t really know much about him now that
I think about it. My stomach knots up. Could he really mean it? That he’s
sorry? Why else would he go through the trouble of telling me if he didn’t mean
it?
“Let’s start over, how about I make it up to you by taking you out on a date?”
Machimiya asks, leaning over his handlebars with that that grin that reminds me
of a snake.
A date… and he called me cute earlier… could it be that he is actually into me?
But, if he were, why would he do what he did to me? Then again, he did say he
had a competitive nature, or maybe he felt bad after he did it and… I don’t
know… it doesn’t explain why he would send me such threatening messages. But
what kind of person am I if I don’t at least give him a second chance to at
least be friends with me… I mean, I gave Midousuji one, and that was the best
choice of my life so far.
“U-um… well… y-you see, I would be ok with… hanging out with you sometime, b-
but… I h-have… a… someone already…” I explain, trying my best not to tumble
over my words, and I think I am doing a pretty good job so far at holding
myself composed considering all I want to do is bolt past him and hide
somewhere.
“Ah..? Someone..? Don’t tell me… I can guess! Is it a really tall lizard guy? I
think his name is Midousuji-kun, right?” Machimiya asks with a curious tilt of
his head. I force a smile and nod, even though I wanted to tell him Midousuji
is not a lizard. After all the time I have spent with him, I have rarely seen
him do anything lizard-like.  He sticks his tongue out sometimes when he’s
thinking or concentrating, and he does it when he’s trying to get someone to
leave him alone, and I personally don’t think it makes him lizard-like, but
other than that, he behaves fairly normally… for Midousuji at least.
Machimiya tosses his head back and laughs, holding his side as he shakes his
head as if I had said something ridiculously funny.
“A guy like him, pleasedo not delude yourself into thinking he cares about
anything other than himself. Hey, if you want to know what it’s like to have
real romance, shoot me a text. I’ll look forward to it! I have to go before my
buddies catch up, I think I have given them enough of a handicap.” He winks at
me before riding off faster than I can process the words he left for me to
digest.
---
“Onoda..!”
“Onoda-kun..!”
Were those voices coming from behind me? Midousuji and Naruko… How long have I
been standing here, gripping my handle bars so hard my knuckles are white while
staring at the same grey rock beneath my tire in the place where Machimiya left
me. I vaguely remember what I think were his friends passing by me. Has it been
that long; long enough for them to make it around the trail which usually takes
on average an hour and a half to ride.
Do not delude yourself into thinking he cares about anything other than
himself. Why is that getting to me so badly? Is it because I think Machimiya
knows more than I do, did he know I would be riding here today? How did he get
my phone number in the first place, and how did he know what I was wearing that
day all those months ago. He knows where I live, he already knew I am with
Midousuji, I see that now, he guessed it too quickly. Not even my closest
friends knew I have been hanging out with him, so how else with Machimiya know
unless he was still watching me; for how long though… this whole time? Am I
over thinking this..?
“Hey, Onoda-kun, are you ok?” Naruko rides up from behind me to stop at my left
side; he leans forward, looking at my face with concern. I force a smile and
nod, sitting upside; I rub the back of my head. I can’t really tell them I have
been sitting here in a stupor over something Machimiya said when he could be
anywhere listening.
“Oh, um, yeah..! Of course, I just um… I had… a little pain, in my ankle, it
slipped off the pedal wrong when I was uh, going downhill, bu—…”
Before I could finish I hear something drop from behind me, crash to the ground
loudly and then the next thing I know there are a pair of hands on me and
Midousuji is crouched down beside me, grabbing the ankle that had been hurt
during my accident and examining it with wide eyes.
“It… looks ok…” He says, releasing a breath and with it the tension in his
shoulders. A thick wave of guilt washes over me and now I feel terrible about
lying and making him worry like this. I look behind me at his bike, something I
never see him mistreat, lying in the dirt, the back tire still turning. But, I
can’t help but smile. I have to cover my mouth with my hand; my cheeks feel a
little warm.
If he really didn’t care about me, Machimiya-kun… why would he rush to my side
looking so worried like this?
“I’m ok, Midousuji-kun!” I try to assure him by rotating my ankle freely, “See?
I was just resting, now I am better, ok?” I promise as he looks up at me with
that skeptical, brow drawn together stare of his he usually uses when he thinks
I’m lying.
“Hey guys, want to finish this lap and head out together for lunch?” Naruko
asks, drawing our attention towards him. Now that I think about it, I am
getting kind of hungry.
I notice Midousuji looking at me; he wants me to answer, would he be
comfortable with it? Surely he would say something or give me some sort of sign
if he wasn’t, and he and Naruko seem to be getting along just fine so, “Sure,
yeah, of course!” I chirp in reply.
“Great! And it’ll give me a chance to race both of you at once! You ready for
this?” Naruko asks with an excited grin.
“You’re just butt-sore over losing to me and you want a rematch.” Midousuji
says as he picks up his bike and walks it over to us before mounting it.
“I’m confident in my abilities… I know I’ll be able to beat you, it’s
inevitable!” Naruko blanches.
“Whatever! You still lost the bet even if you do manage to beat me this time
around,” Midousuji says with that wide, perfect smile of his.
“Yeah, yeah, this one is purely for fun!”
And it was fun, I even beat both of them in our little race, I almost forgot
what it was like to ride in a group of friends. I missed it, a lot more than I
ever thought I would. And I just know it will be even better when I get the
chance to ride with everyone again.
After we ride back into town and decided where we wanted to eat, which was a
burger joint, fairly inexpensive, I started to realize how cold it is today.
The sunshine is a lie, the dark clouds that were looming in the distance this
morning are now overhead, any shred of the bright day that it once was had gone
and now all that remains is this bone chilling weather. This is nearing the end
of Summer I suppose the season is starting to shift into Fall again.
I do all I can while we sit in our booth to keep myself from shivering. But the
fact that I’m wearing biking shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt helps nothing. I
draw my knees together and rub them, hoping to create some spark of warm
friction to ease away my goose bumps while I keep my arms close to my body.
Sitting across from me in our booth is Naruko and naturally Midousuji is beside
me, closest to the window, the two of them have been chatting for a while, but
it’s mostly Naruko telling stories about his summer adventure or asking
Midousuji about himself, to which he gets short answers, none of them go into
any sort of depth. During their conversation I have to force myself from
scooting close to him, but I can’t help it. He’s warm, all I want to do is
climb into the sweater he was smart enough to wear today despite me telling him
it would be warm out. I was so wrong.
“Order number 34..!” The worker at the front counter announces as she sets a
tray of food out. 34 is our number.
“I’ll get it,” Naruko volunteers enthusiastically as he bounces up from the
seat across from us and hurries over to collect our tray.
“Sakamichi…” Midousuji nudges my knee with his, and I look down to where he
made contact with me first before looking at him, I didn’t realize he was
leaning in so close, and I have no time to pull away before he presses his
cheek to mine and groans, and it reminds me too much of last night, that sound
makes warmth pool in my lower stomach as well as my face.
“You’re so cold,” He mutters, and he sounds annoyed by it. He sits up and
starts pulling off his sweater, and I’m momentarily distracted at the way his
sweater pulls up his shirt enough to expose his midriff. His dark clothing
always makes his skin look paler than it should be.
“H-hey w…wait,” I try to argue but he shoves his sweater on me, suffocating me
in fabric and for a brief moment I feel like I had gotten lost in it until he
pulls it down and my head pops through the neck of the garment. Now today
really feels nostalgic.
“There, I was getting hot anyway,” Midousuji explains offhandedly as he leans
back, turning to stare out the window but I swear I see his face turning red.
My heart flutters; did he notice I was cold this whole time? Was he trying to
think of a way to offer his jacket to me?I wonder as I manage to get my arms
through the sleeves, on me, they bunch up, and practically consume me like the
rest of it. It’s still warm… I glance around me, making sure no one was
watching before I pinch the neck of the fabric and bring it to my nose, it
smells like him too.
“Hahaha! You guys are adorable…” Naruko’s loud laugh bursts through the quiet
tension between us as he plops the tray down onto the table, he distributes our
orders. We each got a burger with fries and a drink.
“W..what..?” I laugh nervously, trying to fake ignorance. He saw, he saw
everything, I know he did, and from earlier too.
“Oh come on, I’ve known all day! I saw you both kissing!” I knew it!“…I didn’t
say anything because I thought you would tell me later, but now I can’t take
it, I want to know all of the details!” Naruko chirps and beside me Midousuji
chokes on his soda, I instinctually reach over and pat his back, even though he
probably wouldn’t need such a thing.
“So you know we’re dating, obviously! What more information could you possibly
want?” Midousuji chokes out after his coughing fit died down.
“Tons..! Like, when did you know you had feelings for him, Midousuji-kun?”
Naruko asks, leaning forward with his elbows on the table. And the closer he
gets; the more Midousuji sinks back into his seat.
“Um… a while ago,” He answers vaguely, and by the look on Naruko’s face he
knows he won’t get much more than that, so he turns his attention to me
instead, I tense up, sinking down in the booth as I sip at my drink. The
carbonated bubbles tickle my throat on the way down as the flavor of cherry
coke soaks my taste-buds.
“Onoda, how about you..?” He asks, and I know I can’t just answer the same
thing as Midousuji even though I want to. I mean, Naruko means no harm by his
curiosity, and he’s a good friend, so telling him should be ok, I think.
“Well… uh… I a-always thought Midousuji-kun was interesting, and um… I wanted
to know more about him, he always seemed kind of lonely and it reminded me of
myself, so that’s how I got interested at first,  I, uh, I think it was the
first time I heard him laugh was when I s-started.. lo-l-liking him… haha…” I
feel my face getting increasingly warm at my almost blunder. Was it too soon to
say thatword? I mean, I have felt that way for Midousuji for a while, but I
don’t know if he feels the same. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable by
blurting it out either.
The first time I heard Midousuji genuinely laugh was a few weeks after we
started hanging out, I don’t know what was so funny, but it had him literally
rolling on the floor, in tears, holding his sides. Everything about his laugh
is amazing to me; in fact, any sort of mirth from Midousuji is something I
cherish.
“We uh… really didn’t want to start telling anyone yet…” I add as an
afterthought.
“That’s really cute, Onoda-kun…” Naruko snickers behind his hand, and he sits
back, looking between us, and it makes me a little uncomfortable because I
wonder if he thinks we don’t look right together, or if he disapproves in some
way, but instead he shrugs, beams a grin at me and says, “But I won’t tell,
promise, although, you should be more careful about where you start sucking
face!” He winks at us teasingly and I can’t help but smile anyway.
“The way you say it makes it sound so disgusting…” Midousuji scowls at his
burger as if it were the thing that had said what he deemed disgusting.
“Disgustingly cute,” Naruko corrects him just before his phone rings, and his
eyes widen like the noise is foreign, looks at us as if it is one of our
phones, and when neither of us make a move to answer anything his mouth drops
in a silent “oh,” and he quickly sets his burger down on the tray and reaches
into his pocket, fumbles out his phone and answers it with a cheerful hello
before the person on the other line starts taking in his ear.
“Oh, ok!” He says, and then listens again.
Meanwhile I’m munching on my burger. It’s been a while since I have had one; I
almost missed this greasy flavor.
“Nah..! I can be over in a little bit! Huh?”
I know it’s really none of my business but I really wish I knew who he was
talking to. Was it one of his parents? A friend…? Anyone I knew?
“Ok! You want me to pick up anything else?” He asks, taking the last bite of
his burger, chewing thoroughly as he listened to the person on the other line
with great interest.
Maybe it’s his grandma..?
“Ok, see you in a bit, Babe… haha! Wow! I love you too, bye.”
Oh! OH… I didn’t know Naruko had someone like that in his life! My cheeks warm
up as I go through the possibilities of who it could possibly be. I have never
seen him hanging out with any particular girls at school, or at all actually.
Maybe it’s just that I don’t know them yet.
“Naruko-kun, I didn’t know you were seeing someone too… or a-at least what I
thought it sounded like!” I pry, hoping he would tell me.
“Yeah! I haven’t seen you in a while, being out with your injuries and all, and
then spending all your free time with this guy all summer that I didn’t get the
chance to tell you about it! Imaizumi and I are together,”
I stand, slamming my hands down on the table and lean over it towards him as
far as I could, “Are you serious!?” I beam, grinning so wide my cheeks hurt.
Naruko stands too, slamming his own hands on the table as he leans against it
just as I had done.
“Yes, of course I am!” Naruko nods; and everything about him is serious. He
isn’t joking; he and Imaizumi are really together!
“But how..? I didn’t think you guys got a long very well!” I blurt out.
“Well,” He begins, drawing back to fold his arms, he covers his face with one
hand, closing his eyes and blushes bashfully and something about it looks
really strange on him, it must really be romantic! How could it have played
out? Maybe… Imaizumi accidentally crashed into Naruko’s bike and the two of
them had like… a moment, as they help each other up, and they realized their
deeper feelings or something! Or maybe they’ve always liked each other and all
that bad mouthed banter was their way of flirting!
“It’s a long story, but the shorter version is that we were just got bored and
decided to do it one night, and it turned into a thing, with no strings
attached, but as it turns out, we can’t really seem to get rid of each other! I
mean he’s really good at s---”
“GROSS, GROSS, GROSS, T-M-I, NARUKO-KUN, UGH..! SICK! No one wants to hear
about your booty call adventures! Especially not my Onoda-kun,” Midousuji grabs
my arm and nearly tugs me into his lap before covering my ears with his hands,
“Don’t worry, I will protect your innocent virgin ears from this debauchery!”
 It’s muffled but I still hear him say it, and I nearly choke on a laugh as I
recall the events of last nightand this morning of me… in the shower… I’m… not
really as innocent as people think.
“What? It’s just sex. It is human nature, everyone does it eventually, even you
guys,” Naruko says casually with a shrug.
“Lies and slander…” Midousuji accuses, but Naruko only laughs, grabbing his
fries before scooting out of the booth.
“I got to go I’ll see you guys later though! Take care of Onoda, Midousuji-
kun!” 
“I’ll turn into a titan and devour him whole,” Midousuji almost sounds serious,
if such a thing were possible I would honestly believe him!
“Bye, Naruko! It was fun today!” I say, waving at him as he walks out the door.
Midousuji taps on my shoulder and as soon as I crane my neck to look at him he
asks, “Why don’t we call each other babe?” I nearly choke on my tongue from
laughing so suddenly.
“What?!” I manage to get out past my laughter. The thought of Midousuji going
around calling me babe is a little ridiculous! He barely calls me by my first
name, if it isn’t Onoda, or Sakamichi, he calls me otaku, nerd, or for whatever
strange reason only he knows, bike princess.
He is staring at me, there is tension in his brow and his lower eyelid twitches
as does the corner of his mouth. He apparently, is not joking, or amused that I
thought he was.
“Forget it.” He snaps, those two words cut into me sharply, I feel like, if I
were in an anime those very words would be literally stabbed through my chest.
And just like that he goes back to eating his burger, with an annoyed mannerism
to his chewing. It was almost like he is trying to pretend the burger is
whatever emotions he is feeling. He really must have been serious, buy why? The
word holds no meaning; it’s just a lazy slang word that most every couple uses
like it’s going out of style. But maybe that’s why he wants to do it, to have a
normal feeling relationship. I feel guilt bubbling in my stomach; it tastes
like boiling sewage trying to creep up the back of my throat.
“Akira…” The way I have to look at him reminds me that I am still partially in
his lap and it has me blushing in an instant. I scoot off of him and put some
space between us.
“Huh?” He tilts his head towards me as if to indicate he is listening as he
wraps the remainder of his sandwich in its wrapper before stuffing it into his
empty French fry box.
“I.. if it makes you h-happy… um… you can call me nicknames like that, a..and…
if you want of course, I will, eh… I could use them for you too,” I offer with
a timid smile.
“Pfft!! You’re… honestly the grossest person I have ever met, Sakamichi, pff-
HAHAHAAHAHA!” Midousuji doubles over, covering his face with both his hands as
the laughter pours out of him. Was he just… teasing me?
“Akira, that’s not funny! I seriously thought I hurt your feelings!” I try to
scold him with as much authority as I could muster, but as soon as he spreads
his fingers to peak at me he starts laughing even harder, his head hits the
table and he starts pounding on it with his fists like he’s having some fit. I
notice people looking over at us uneasily. I think it is time to go now.
I shake my head while I scoot out of the booth; gather all the garbage onto the
tray and say, “We should head back now,” before I take it over to the trash to
dump it. I am aware of Midousuji following close behind me, his laughter slowly
dying down to a type of snickering he tries to contain his amusement.
When we get outside he surprises a shrill yelp out of me when he scoops me up
from out of nowhere and holds me bridal style as he spins around in circles,
dizzy, confused and afraid of falling, I tense up and cling to him tightly.
“M-Midousuji-kun, what are you doing?!”  
“Heeey, Sakamichi… do you hear that?” Midousuji asks, disregarding my question
as he comes to a sudden stop. I blink, trying to get a bearing on my
surroundings now that they weren’t swirling around me in confusing colors and
shapes. It’s sprinkling, so subtle that if I hadn’t looked up and seen flecks
of water gathering on my glasses I wouldn’t have realized it was even raining
at all. I hope we get home in time before it gets any worse than this.
It was hard to hear anything aside from the chatter of people walking on the
streets, the blaring of the occasional car horn and the loud symphony of car
engines as they drive by. What is there to hear? I strain to focus on whatever
he may be talking about but it occurs to me that he might be messing with me
again.
“Hear what?” I ask quietly and he instantly shushes me, then starts walking
down the street, away from where our bikes are locked up at the rack in front
of the hamburger joint, and towards an alley.
“Midousuji-kun, what are we doing?”
“Don’t you hear…? That gross little noise…” Midousuji stops at the start of the
alley and sets me down before rushing down towards a dumpster and he dives in,
for the longest moment of my life I just stand there, dumbfounded, but then I
hear it too, the softest little cry and it breaks my heart! I run over at that
moment too, and start looking for where it could possibly be.
“Can you see it?” Midousuji asks, but the box I am looking in contains nothing
but assorted bags of filthy items. It sounds so close.
“No! It sounds like it’s over here!” I say, directing more towards the back of
the dumpster, but there is a pile of filthy boxes and bags I have to climb and
sort through, and by the time I get through it all the rain has picked up and
making the situation of having to root through garbage even worse.
“I found it!” I cry; grabbing the tiny little ball of fluff, curled up and
shivering, crying that I find inside a dirty old tomato sauce can. I clutch it
close to my chest as I climb down and out of the filth, Midousuji meets me
ground level, crouching down to look at the baby that is so small it fits in my
palms.
“That is the smallest cat I have ever seen in my life,” Midousuji says, staring
at the little one with curiosity and a little bit of disgust. They are pretty
filthy, I have to admit. I am not even sure what color this little one is
underneath all this grime and dirt.
“How did you even hear this tiny little voice?” I coo as the kitten cries out
again.
“We should take it home,” Midousuji states as a fact rather than suggests. And
I wholeheartedly agree with him. I couldn’t just leave this little baby here!
“Let’s hurry before it rains harder,” I tell him, and he nods in agreement.
---
***** Midousuji-Tongue tied *****
Chapter Notes
     I just wanted the opinion of something from all you fine people, so
     like... I want to know, if I am going too slow with this, or too
     fast? Lemme kno, i'll fix it right up no prob :P also if there is
     anything ya'll want to see happen on these dates or what they are or
     even what kind of kinks you want me to add in here I'll do that too,
     it's totally cool to request things haha just sayin :P mmk, enjoy
Watching Sakamichi fuss over a kitten with that look on his face does something
to my insides that feels so wrong. A grotesque fluttery feeling in the pit of
my stomach, just because seeing him so determined to rescue this helpless
little creature that isn’t near worth his time is kind of… adorable. Gross. But
mix that with this ungodly surge of pity and all I want to do is vomit that
cheap burger from lunch up all over Miss Onoda’s living room carpet.
The kitten is too young. Maybe a week old at the most, and who knows how long
it has been sitting in that garbage, certainly not that long otherwise the
thing wouldn’t have been making any noise at all. The kitten is way too skinny,
I noticed while Onoda meticulously bathed it in a small bowl of water, careful
to only fill the bowl with enough to wash it, but not submerge the cat. It
can’t even stand properly on its own.
He asked his mother if she could pick up some milk for kittens, and of course
she did, an hour or so later after hunting several stores for the product; by
the time she is walking through the front door with plastic bags on her arms
Onoda had finally cut away every dirty clump and washed away every inch of dirt
from the kitten and had it bundled up like a baby in a small kitchen towel.
He keeps holding the kitten like that for two hours even after bottle feeding
it with the ridiculously tiny feeder for baby cats.
I feel so terrible and incredibly stupid for bringing the kitten’s cries to
Sakamichi’s attention; if I had seen the condition the cat would be in when we
found it I would have said nothing at all. From the looks of how unhealthy the
little creature is and statistics about kitten’s living without the support of
their mothers, I am almost completely sure the fluffy thing isn’t going to make
it.  I don’t want to see the look on Sakamichi’s face when the little thing
stops breathing.
“Sakamichi…” His mother comes in from the kitchen and sits beside her son on
the sofa; from the look on her face I’m sure she realizes the kitten’s fate
too.
“Hmm…?” He responds, not looking up from the bundle in his arms, he pets
between the little thing’s ears with his little finger, he’s been doing that
for a while. I realize she’s going to tell him, and I don’t really want to be
here for that, I don’t what to see that soft, hopeful smile leave his face when
whatever disgustingly sweet fantasies he is having about this kitten are
demolished by the harshness of reality.
I start gathering up the stuff Sakamichi used to bathe the kitten, I don’t want
to look completely rude like I’m just leaving, and this stuff needs put away
anyway, so whatever. 
“Sweetie, I just wanted to tell you not to get your hopes too high, ok? You’re
doing all you possibly can for this little one, but sometimes, nature can be
cruel. Do you understand me?” She asks in her softest tone, and I can’t bring
myself to look up as I place the used rags into the bowl slowly, I can’t move
any faster. Why? I thought I wanted to get away, didn’t I? I really need to
make up my mind.
“I already knew from the start, Mom,” Sakamichi begins, the way his head falls
and bangs cover his face makes me realize how long it’s gotten, it reminds me
of one of those rebellious skater boys. I have to bite my tongue pretty hard to
keep myself from laughing on the spot. In this situation that would be
inappropriate. Although, I’m really one to talk, my hair is a little bit wild
too. It’s annoying, choppy and just overall disgusting, not to mention itchy.
“But it’s worth trying, or uh, I believe it is! I’ll do my best, but if… um… if
the worst happens then I’m prepared, if t-that’s what you’re worried about. I’m
ok, Mom, don’t worry,” Sakamichi looks up at her with a smile I didn’t expect
to see there. It’s specifically for her, I see the flaws in it, it’s not like
his usual genuinely happy ones, it’s forced, I see the strain, I see the
negative emotions that pull his brows together and make the corners of his
mouth twitch as he smiles, as if trying to resist the gesture all together.
But it’s good enough for his mother to believe. She takes the bait he set out,
the trap of a false sense of security snaps shut with her inside and she’s none
the wiser. It makes me wonder myself if Sakamichi has ever done this to me,
ever lied about what he really felt just so I wouldn’t worry, like what he’s
doing with his mom. Wouldn’t I have noticed if he did?
“I’m proud of you,” Miss Onoda says as she pats her son on the head, enough to
show affection but not to mess it up.
“I’ve got to go, I’m sorry. Another late shift… call me if you need anything,
alright?” She looks at me as she says this too, she’s been doing that lately,
as if she wants me to specifically know that I can come to her too with any
problems I have. I know she wants me to open up to her more and for me to feel
comfortable around her. I mean, it isn’t like I’m not trying at all, on her
rare days off she sometimes asks me to bake with her, and she even taught me
how to knit last month, we’re working on a sweater together, it doesn’t
actually look too bad, the parts she did at least. It makes me feel weird,
something I can’t put a name to.
The sound of the front door shutting draws me out of that trail of thoughts and
throws me into another; Sakamichi and I are home alone again, for the first
time since what went on between us last night we are alone. Obligated to talk
about it and make it official. Neither of us had verbally agreed to be…
boyfriends… I tested the waters by kissing him earlier, and that was completely
gross and awkward but…cute, I would never admit that out loud though. So I
assume he is on board with this whole relationship thing, what Sakamichi said
to Naruko kind of implies he is already thinking the same thing anyway. But is
it what I want as well? I don’t know; I have felt fine using the term loosely
to refer to him as such in my mind at least. Despite being the grossest person
I have ever met I just can’t get enough of him, as if I’m some kind of deranged
masochist that likes to keep shoving my head into a bucket full of  barbwire
just so I can look at a picture of something disgustingly adorable taped to the
bottom of it over and over again.  
I wish I had preplanned all of this, so I would know what I’m getting myself
into, or for that matter even how to approach any of it. Romance isn’t
particularly a genre I’m well educated on. How often am I supposed to do gross
things like hold his hand or kiss him? When am I supposed to ask him out on our
first date? Or is it too late for a first date considering we’ve already been
very intimate. And there is another thing to worry about now that it’s finally
resurfaced in my mind, does he regret it? Feel guilty? Was it too fast? If he
liked it when would he want to do more of that kind of stuff? How do we do it?
Do we talk about it first? What brand of condoms should we use? What about
lube? What if I don’t use enough? Since he’s so petite and I’m rather large
wouldn’t it hurt him? I don’t… I don’t want to see Sakamichi limping around for
days and have to explain he’s injured due to the carelessness of his
boyfriend. 
The sound of a shriek from the television yanks me back into reality, some
cheesy horror movie Sakamichi is watching. I didn’t realize I was even spacing
out. What is that copper taste in my mouth, wait, oh… and… apparently I’m
biting my nails again too, when did I take off my glove? Why does my body do
things without my consent? Two of my fingers are bleeding from me biting off my
cuticles, it’s not too bad, just little pinpricks, but still, this is such a
filthy habit and it needs to stop. Someday I’ll stop.
“I think she is finally sleeping now…” Sakamichi sighs softly, and to me he
almost sounds like an exhausted new parent. The thought sends unpleasant
shivers up my spine.Children are gross.
Sakamichi looks up at me just as I turn from where I am at on the floor to
glance at him, casually leaning back against the couch. He looks offended for
some reason, glasses falling down the bridge of his nose as the corners of his
mouth tug downward. I realize I still have my hand to my mouth and I drop it as
if I had just been burnt. He’s scolded me for this before.
I was helping Sakamichi with his homework, math, Advanced Algebra. He was
placed in the class but barely understands it, but I already took the course, I
opted to take all of my required math courses first instead of electives.
They’re boring anyway. So I offered my assistance. To me, all of these problems
are simple, and downright monotonous. He is still confused about Quadratic
Equations.   
“So I’ll walk you through this first one, alright? 34 X minus 567 equals 44.
You add 567 to each side, so the equation would now be 34 X is equal to
negative 523. Now divide them both by 34, and there is your answer, 15. Uh
blah, blah, some bunch of random numbers. Did you write all that down?” After I
finish my explanation I look at his paper and the only thing he has written on
it is his name.
“S-sorry..! I’m sorry! I uh, I remember!” Sakamichi tried to copy everything I
had said down but he pauses for too long after writing down the equation. The
grip on his pencil tightens to the point where his knuckles are white, and he
is moving it, as if trying to fake that he’s writing something down. He
completely forgot.
“M-m…Midousuji-k-kun… c… could you… u-um… maybe… please, say it one more time?”
Of course like the generous person I am, I repeat myself, Sakamichi should be
grateful that I find him… slightly less gross than the average small fry zaku.
Sakamichi is able to do a few problems on his own, leaving me to my thoughts
for a while, but there is really nothing on my mind, I watch him work absent
mindedly, study his features, from the round curve of his nose to the way his
eyelashes brush against his glasses each time he blinks. How can his eyes be so
blue? What is that pounding sound? I clutch my chest, feel the erratic thumping
of my heart against my ribcage as if it were trying to bust through. My face is
getting hot, what is happening to me?
I try to tune it out, focus on the way Sakamichi’s hand moves, pen scratching
against paper, occasional pause to indicate his thinking process before he jots
it down. The freckle on the knuckle of his pinky finger draws my attention.
I’ve never noticed it before. Has it always been there or is it new? It’s just
so… so… what is this? Why is my stomach doing that? Flu..? Food poisoning…? My
heart won’t stop.
I cover my mouth with the hand I have propped up on the desk and avert my gaze
from the little otaku all together since it seems looking at him makes it
worse. Maybe I am allergic to Sakamichi..?
“You’re doing that thing again, Midousuji-kun…” Sakamichi says without looking
me and I catch myself mid bite as my teeth sever the rough patch of skin next
to my fingernail. Again, he said?
“Hmm…?” I lower my hand slightly and Sakamichi gasps, grabs my wrist and pulls
it over to himself.
“You’re bleeding!” He sounds completely despaired over such insignificant
pinprick.
“So what..?” I shrug, trying to tug my hand out of his grasp but his grip
tightens and he stands and pulls me with him out of his room and into the
bathroom across the hall. Before I know it he’s rummaging through the under-
the-sink cabinet and a moment later takes out a first aid kit and in the next
blur of actions my hands are being held still while he is wrapping my fingers
in Band-Aids.
“Don’t do that anymore, ok? I don’t like seeing you hurt yourself,”
I feel serious Déjà vu when after Sakamichi sets the kitten down on the couch
carefully he grabs me by the arms and uses all his strength and body weight to
get me on my feet.
Then we’re in the bathroom, repeating a scenario from months ago where I am
sitting on the toilet seat and Sakamichi is carefully wrapping each of my
fingers in cartoony bandages with great care. He asks me each time “is this too
tight,” but it never is; I shake my head, waiting for him to finish because I
know no matter how much I complain or argue he won’t be satisfied until I let
him do this. Last time he lectured me about “possible infections.”
He hasn’t said a word this entire time, I don’t like it. He needs to say what
he usually does. He needs to tell me to stop biting my nails, tell me about the
bacteria I could be consuming from doing such a lewd thing. But it has become
way too quiet for me, too serious. Maybe there is something I am missing here,
I realize as the fingers on my wrist brush over an old scar tentatively while
he wraps the last of my fingers, my pinky.
“Are you sad?” Sakamichi asks in such a soft tone I almost didn’t hear him.
He’s grabbed both of my wrists now, and his thumbs are running over scars I’m
not proud of. It makes me disgusted with myself that he would touch such
things. They’re dirty. I don’t understand his question, he already knows the
answer; he can literally see the answer. But, come to think of it, I haven’t
felt like I needed to hurt myself since I started talking to Sakamichi. I still
go into darker moods, it can’t be helped, but with him around it’s almost
bearable. And they don’t last long; he always knows how to make me forget.
“Not with you, I feel ok…” It’s hard for me to get out, but I know he is the
only one hearing my pathetic confessions, my declarations of weakness. He is
the only one I trust telling them to.
“It’s just… I notice you bite at your fingers like that when you’re stressed
about something, and I always assumed you felt like… hurting yourself, because
you felt bad… but, if you say you’re ok, then, um… why do you do it?” Sakamichi
asks in a way that reminds me of someone approaching a wild animal, trying to
coax it into not running away by keeping their voice low and gentle.
“I don’t know…” I pull my wrists from his grip in favor of hugging myself
around the stomach tight, as if doing so would keep that stomach curdling
feeling from surfacing. But it’s there, all I want to do is flush myself down
the toilet, live a quiet life among the sewage rats where I belong.
Unfortunately the laws of physics would prevent me from doing such a thing
anyway. So here I am, trapped. But Sakamichi isn’t really trapping me here, the
door isn’t locked, and he is giving me plenty of space; waiting for me gather
my thoughts, to say something. He’s so… cute.
I catch myself this time, feeling the rough texture of the bandage against my
lips draws me from the automatic reaction to my previous thought. Could that be
the cause? I avert my gaze from Sakamichi to the floral toilet seat cover.
Maybe if I tried hard enough I could… no, no, gross, I just need to face this
now, deal with it, I need to tell him. He’s never thought less of me for
anything else I have told him about, why would he start now? The thought is
mentally assuring, but my body doesn’t seem to agree, my stomach still feels
tight and my throat is abnormally dry.
“It’s you,” I blurt out, and I wish I could suck the words back in, swallow
them, rehearse what I intended to say and redo it so I wouldn’t see that
shocked, wide-eyed look on his face followed by the painful hurt etched in his
brow. I messed up.
“O-oh…” Sakamichi’s shoulders slump and he takes a small step back.
“Don’t, don’t make that gross face!” I stammer out as I grip his shoulders
harder than I intended, I shake him as if he were an etch-a-sketch and what I
said would just be erased from his mind and I could start over. But I know that
isn’t possible, which means I have to use more words to try and explain myself
better.
“It’s only because of you because what you make me feel, like! There is this…
repulsive sensation in my stomach that makes me want to vomit whenever I look
at you!” I bite my tongue so hard I think I might be bleeding. I thought I
agreed with my mouth that it would say the script I just carefully wrote in my
mind. How did I end up saying that?
“Y-you um… you t-think… I’m repulsive…? B-being around me makes you miserable?
Do… d-do you just… s-suffer in silence the whole time? I’m um… I’m really sorry
Mi-Midousuji-kun…” As he is saying this I see the tears filling his eyes and it
makes every bone in my body ache, like I would shatter into thousands of pieces
if I didn’t mend this soon.  I shake my head, clenching my teeth tight because
I don’t trust my mouth anymore.
“T…Then… wh…what are you trying to say..?” His voice cracks that way it does
when he’s trying not to cry. I can’t believe I am so stupid that I can’t just
say it. Why is my mouth betraying me? I love you, how hard is that to say? I
have seen so many people say it to each other easily, in person, in shows. Why
can’t I do that? Why are the words coming out of my mouth not the ones I am
saying in my head? I don’t know how to deal with this feeling, love, it doesn’t
sound gross to me, it’s something I appreciate, but I never, in all my life,
thought I would feel it for anyone else, in a romantic way of course, I mean, I
love my mother, but, I love you, Sakamichi, in a romantic way.
“I don’t know, I’m stupid,” I say after those thoughtswent through my mind my
entire face let up scarlet red, and I only know this because I can see myself
in the full body mirror behind Sakamichi. I cover my face with my hands. My
voice failed me yet again. I’m an embarrassment to society. But what if I write
it down? The idea sparks life into me and I grab my phone from my pocket,
fumble my shaky fingers over the keyboard after opening up Note Pad in my phone
before I hand it over to Sakamichi, who is still patient as ever.
Note Pad: For whatever reason the cosmic entities that created my existence
cursed me with the inability to speak the thoughts in my head so before I
completely screwed up I thought it would be easier to just write it. I think, a
reason I might absent mindedly bite my fingers the way I do could correspond
with my thoughts, most every time it happens my thoughts are centered around
you, and, I’m just thinking stupid, gross things… like, how cute you are, or
something, or I’m worrying about you not liking me as much as I like you, or
whatever. All dumb, pointless things I am probably over analyzing all of it.
It’s just, I have never liked someone as much as I like you, and I’m afraid I
will do something wrong that might ruin you, I don’t want to ever be the reason
you stop smiling because, your smile is my favorite thing about you.
Watching Sakamichi’s facial expressions as he reads my message is an
experience; at first his brows are drawn tightly, and he still looks upset, but
the further he gets, the more it seems my words ebb away at the negative
emotions he feels and it shows, gradually his brows lift, the corners of his
mouth tug up into a grin and I know when he’s readthat last part because he
gasps, covers his mouth and his cheeks, that had been simply dusted with color
are now full blown crimson and his eyes dart over the screen once more before
looking up at me. I expect him to say something but instead he drops my phone
on the floor, rude, and does this, hop, that reminds me of a rabbit, like he
can’t contain the energy in his body and he grabs the collar of my shirt and
yanks me down and kisses me before I even realized what he was intending.
“I like you too! A lot! I think that’s all very sweet, and it shows a
considerate side of you for not wanting to hurt me, but you aren’t giving
yourself any credit, you’ve been a really good friend to me all this time,
you’re very kind, even though you don’t want people to know, and you’re smart,
and so helpful! A-and I’ll smile for my boyfriend as much as he wants because
you always make me happy, Akira!” Onoda chirps, and there it is, he said it
officially. Something inside me feels calmer, that churning feeling in my
stomach settles and instead the fluttery one takes its place. My lips still
tingle from his kiss. I catch myself brushing my fingers over them.I want to do
it again, is that perverse?
“Do what again? Kiss me?” Sakamichi asks and I visibly tense. Did I say that
out loud? I could swear I only thought it. It wouldn’t be that strange, it’s
happened before.
“It’s not perverse…” Sakamichi continues with a tone that sounds way too
innocent and doesn’t at all match the way he slides his hands around my waist
to lock his fingers behind me. Being held like this is so foreign; I’ve never
experienced it before. I kind of like it, I think. With him being this close to
me it’s warm, and kind of comforting. But this is all a trap, his question, the
subtle way he’s pinching the back of my shirt,that look on his face, it reminds
me of last night and my face grows even hotter than before.
“We should check on that kitten,” I remind him, keeping my tone as even as
possible, to my relief he takes the bait, pulling away from me with a gasp and
nod of agreement.
“Yeah, of course..! I was so distracted I nearly forgot, let’s be quiet though,
she might be sleeping, I don’t want to wake her!” He giggles as he grabs my
hand and pulls me out into the hall. I think he also forgot he left a horror
movie playing, if the cat doesn’t wake to the sound of bad actors screaming
then I am pretty sure Sakamichi’s tiptoeing is an unnecessary precaution. It’s
kind of cute of him to be so considerate though.
The kitten is still sound asleep where Sakamichi left it, he crouches down by
the couch in front of it before turning to gestures me over with a grim look on
his face. For a moment I thought maybe the little thing stopped breathing. I
get down on my knees next to Sakamichi, leaning over to look at the tiny cat,
this is the first time I have really examined the little fluff ball. The kitten
is extremely furry, despite all the hair Sakamichi had to hack off, it’s curly
and black, except the paws are white, like mittens, and one little stripe that
starts from its nose and ends mid-forehead. The pads of its paws are pink, just
like its nose.
“I just realized, she doesn’t have a name,” Sakamichi, completely crestfallen
by the realization. So that’s what that look was about.
“Why do you keep calling it she, the kitten is too young for us to tell what
gender it is…” I point out; but he only shrugs in response.
“So it should be a unisex name…” He trails off in thought, tapping his chin
with his index finger. He’s still going on about that.
“What about Sam? That’s a versatile name, so is Alex, they’re both cute… I
can’t pick, what do you think?” Sakamichi suggests, and I really don’t know why
he’s asking me.
“For all I care you can call it Oreo.”  I say nonchalantly as I lie on my back,
watching the TV from my new upside-down perspective.
“Oreo..? Like the cookies?” Sakamichi giggles; he crawls over on all fours and
tilts his head at me quizzically.
“Yeah, you know? The cat is black and white, just like Oreos.” I mutter with a
shrug, turning my attention back to the TV just for the sake of dazing out, but
before I can even attempt to let the television melt my brain a damp pair of
lips press against my cheek and I’m suddenly very aware of the fact that
Sakamichi has decided out of all the seats in the house I am what he wants to
use for elevated ass comfort.
“I love Oreos, I think it’s a perfect name,” Sakamichi can’t seem to stop
tittering; maybe it’s a nervous habit? Or it could be that he’s just very happy
right now; perhaps a combination of the two.
“Why are you sitting on me like this?” I ask, propping myself up on my elbows
to glare at him with interrogation.
He leans in to kiss me, eyes closed and everything, as if kissing me will make
me forget I asked anything at all, but I put a stop to that, I press my palm to
his forehead to keep him at bay.
“S-sorry… I’m just really excited… this is all new to me too, relationship
stuff, but I have wanted to do romantic type things with you for a while so,
now that I’m allowed it’s hard to resist, especially when we’re alone… ”
Sakamichi admits, still smiling but I can tell from the way his face fills with
color that he’s a little embarrassed to have said it.
“By romantic things, do you mean you want to be intimate? Like, have sex?” I
ask for clarification. He nods, biting his lip nervously.
“I think…” I drawl out, tilting my head to a side; I know he really wants to be
with me in that way, and I won’t lie, I want it to, but at a much slower rate,
I don’t want to be a jerk about it either, well, if it were anyone else I
would, but not to Sakamichi, I will compromise for him, about certain things at
least. It takes me a moment longer to consider what I was about to offer, I
don’t want a repeat of a few minutes ago so I put careful thought into my next
choice in words before I speak; “… For our 1st date, I think we can do
something similar to last night, but… you will be able to put your hand inmy
underwear, as long as they stay on… and for the 2nd, we can um, do naked
things, I don’t know, as long as nothing goes inside, uh… for the 3rd, we can
try, oral stuff, that would be ok, 4th, fingers, and After our 5th date, I
would be willing to do the full sex. Does that sound reasonable, and why are
you covering your face?” I ask, feeling one of my brows unconsciously rise at
the sight of Sakamichi with his palms pressed against his flushed face. I think
I said too much, but he’s nodding, at least I know he’s not completely broken.
“Y-…yes, tha… yes. Ok. That’s f-fine…” He stammers; I’m a little worried he
might choke on his tongue if he keeps stuttering like that.
“You need to go take a cold shower, Sa-ka-mi-chi~?” I ask teasingly; lifting my
hips, I grind against him because he’s leaned forward in just the right angle
that doing so gives him the small taste of friction he wants from me so badly.
His reaction is priceless; he jolts, tumbling onto his back with his legs
flailing in the air like he was still falling.
“Well now I do…” He says like it’s the most depressing thing in the world, and
I can’t hold it back anymore, I roll onto my side, clutching my stomach as my
hideous laugh escapes me.
---
***** Onoda-I remind him of the color yellow? *****
Chapter Notes
     My lovely handsome ASSistant Ari beta-ed this chapter for me = w =
     thank you broo you're amazinnn'
     ouUUMMMMM
     SLightly
     Nsfw-ish.......
     slightly
     maybe
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Taking care of a helpless kitten is harder than I anticipated. Over the past
few weeks I have a difficult time getting any sleep with how much I worry about
little Oreo. So, somehow I managed to mess up my sleeping schedule between
feeding the kitten every few hours and changing diapers I had to make myself
because no one out there manufactures cat diapers, and yes I know how silly it
sounds but for me it’s convenient since it’s a lot less of a mess. I learned my
lesson once when I fell asleep holding Oreo the second night and she had an
accident all over my shirt. Akira had freaked out and slept in the living room
for the next week and avoided all forms of contact and closeness to me because
he was convinced I was still contaminated.
I am more awake during the nights now and sleep in the daytime, which means I
get less time to spend with Midousuji-kun. With work he can’t exactly share in
my sleeping habits. I feel bad; I really want to spend time with him before
school starts up again soon. We already talked about it and he thinks getting
transferred over will be too much of a hassle so he will just return to his
aunt’s during the week. It really bothers me that once he has his mind set on
something he refuses to change it. Since there is nothing I can do, I try to
make the most of the time we have together.
I think, the worst thing that happened to me so far is around the second week
of having Oreo, I had forgotten where I put her, I had set her down on my bed
so I could go eat dinner, and when I came back, I didn’t remember where she
was. All I saw was one of Akira’s black sweaters on my bed. I searched my house
for thirty minutes, sobbing so hard that I thought my eyes were gonna fall out.
When my boyfriend comes home from work, he finds me scavenging through the
garbage and says: “Sakamichi, why is that cat on my clothes?” I felt silly
after that. Which is why I got Oreo a neon pink collar with a bell that glows
in the dark. Call me a little paranoid.
The fourth week was absolutely horrible because I had to take poor Oreo to the
vet. I explained the situation and the doctor was surprised at how well I was
taking care of the kitten. I found out she’s completely healthy, which was the
best part of the trip. I was really shocked because she barely does anything
and I thought maybe she was very sick. Apparently she’s perfectly fine, aside
from being slightly overweight. To that the doctor tells me to try getting her
to exercise, and then he gave me a paper full of information on how to deal
with obese cats, but right before the appointment ended he had to give Oreo her
shots. I felt so, so, so bad. Her little cries broke my heart. It didn’t help
that she kept looking at me like I betrayed her.
Those four weeks have come and gone so fast, I feel like I haven’t accomplished
much of anything outside of taking care of Oreo and watching anime in the
middle of the night.
“Spoiled, spoiled little cat,” Akira teases her with a little feather toy that
she’s only interested in batting at when it’s in her range.
The two are lying on their bellies right next to each other on my bedroom
floor; Akira is wearing a pair of black bicycle shorts with a sky blue sweater
my mother got for him. If he weren’t lying on his stomach you’d be able to see
the yellow happy face grinning like an evil jack-o-lantern, with the words,
“smile like a winner” below. My mom said she cracked up when she first saw it
on one of her trips last week and had to get it for him.
I feel kind of envious, even when its laundry day and all of our clothes are
being washed so we’re forced into that outfit that sits in the back of your
dresser waiting until all other candidates are out of the count, HE STILL LOOKS
GOOD! And then here I am, wearing a tank top and Star wars pajama pants from
5th grade that are so faded you can’t tell the difference between Darth Vader
and Chewbacca, and they have this big ugly hole in the crotch and another on
the knee, but I just cannot get rid of pants full of such sentimental value.
“You are SOO LAZY! Look at yourself, you’re a disgrace to the feline
population, wearing diapers, and you are the fattest little cat I have ever
seen! The only thing I have seen you hunt for are items that belong to me just
so you can sleep on them, and it’s all because of your enabling mommy that you
get away with these things,” Akira says accusingly as he pokes at her belly.
“Akira how about you-…” A yawn fighting its way out cuts me off, I haven’t
slept yet and it is nine in the morning.
“How about you put our laundry in the dryer instead of making fun of Oreo?
You’re hurting her feelings,” I finish after that yawn died out.
I can barely keep my eyes open, the fact that my glasses are off and the world
is in a dream like haze to me doesn’t help in keeping me alert.
“How about you go to bed, small fry?” Akira retorts from his spot on the floor.
It kind of amazes me that Midousuji-kun is able to make himself comfortable
literally anywhere and in any position.
“How about you stop lying on the floor, what are you trying to do, mop it with
your hair?” I sass him right back.
I'm finally getting comfortable enough to tease him this way. I know he’s been
self-conscious about his hair recently. It’s grown back, like before he cut it
but his bangs are longer, they drape over his eyes and he has gotten into the
habit of flipping it. I cut mine a few days ago, it got itchy and annoying.
“Sakamichi…” Akira pushes himself onto his knees, clutching his chest as if
something sharp and painful struck there, “how could you say that to me?”
“You should go into acting, Akira,” I joke, rolling over to my side to get a
better view of him. He really is very expressive, and most of the time, very
dramatic. It’s like he was born for the stage. I can imagine him playing a very
convincing antagonist role.
Midousuji scoffs, dismissing the suggestion without another wasted breath
before he scoots over, on his knees, until he's at my bedside. He reaches out
and brushes his long fingers back through my hair; there is a hint of
hesitation behind the action.
He’s starting to confuse me, all that flirting before we were dating; he had no
problem being near me then. It's like as soon as I said out loud that he’s my
boyfriend it flipped a switch in him and now Midousuji is very timid about a
lot of affectionate things. He gets into these moods where he will mercilessly
tease me one moment and then pretend it never happened. I know this is all new
to him and it must be very difficult considering he hasn’t let anyone close to
him on a friendly level for most his life.
“You really do need to sleep, Sakamichi…” He says quietly, embarrassment tints
his cheeks, he says this only to me, only for me to hear.
I know he’s proud, he detests admitting weakness, and caring about me and my
well-being is something I don’t think he would confess to doing in any
situation.
“Hmm…” I close my eyes and lean into his touch, with his hand cupping my cheek
it feels so pleasantly warm. I reach up and wrap my fingers lightly around his
wrist. I want him to stay here.
“If I sleep you won’t be here when I wake up,” I breath out softly, my body is
starting to relax as a warm sheet of sleepiness slowly wraps me up into a
cocoon.  I can’t fall asleep yet.
“Yes I will be, I always am,” He corrects me. I feel his cheek press against my
shoulder and he nuzzles it against me oddly like an affectionate cat while he
searches for my free hand with his, when he finds it he intertwines our
fingers.
All of this just makes my comfy sleep cocoon all the more enticing and I want
to let it close up around me to lock in this warm feeling.
“…But you’re sleeping by then…” My response is slower than the last, my eyes
are too heavy to keep open anymore and half my mind is already drifting into
the land of dreams.
“This is all about spending time with me isn’t it? You’re so… ugh… you’re…!”
Midousuji’s voice increases briefly, and gradually lowers as he cuts himself
off.
I feel each of his fingers tense up and twitch, slightly pulling like he wants
them back. I think he’s flustered, he can’t say what he wants to say. Usually
when that happens he’ll drag his hands across his face as if the skin covering
it were the thing irritating him. Instead, he presses his mouth and nose
against my hip and mutters something I don’t understand. I’m sure he would call
me gross in a situation like this, but what he said didn’t resemble that at
all. 
He said cute. 
“Yeah, I miss you.” I laugh sleepily as I rub my thumb against the knuckle of
his. I cherish moments like this where he is so open with me.
“… I miss you too, Sakamichi…” He tightens his grip on my hand and buries his
face further against my hip as he confesses this.
Even though I already knew, it still makes my heart flutter to hear him say it
out loud. It’s the closest he’s come to saying he loves me.
“Um… shit…  I don’t work on Saturday… so… I was gonna tell you this later but
um, whatever… I planned a date for you, it was gonna be a surprise, but I don’t
want you moping around like this for the rest of the week… it’s gross and
annoying.”  Midousuji says, and I think he adds the last bit as some sort of
self-reassurance that he isn’t being too sweet of a boyfriend.
He wanted me to be surprised? He planned something for me…? What could it
possibly be? I feel a little energy come back to me and I sit up quickly,
breaking our comfy position in exchange for one where I could look at him with
wide eyes, with my legs tucked underneath me and his arms falling limply on
each side of my thighs.
“Y…you did?! What did you plan?” I gush, grinning widely at my sweet love.
“We’re going on a quest to collect the seven dragon balls…” He says flatly. I
scoff at him and can’t help but giggle. I shove at his shoulder and shake my
head.
“Hahaha! Akira! What are we really doing?” I ask as he ponders something,
taping his chin and shifting his gaze upward.
“Hmm… should I tell you..?” Midousuji questions aloud with a hint of
playfulness.
“Yes you should,” I shift, moving my legs out from under me to let them hang
off the edge of the bed.
My feet dangle close enough to Akira’s thighs that I can brush against them
with the tips of my toes. He doesn’t seem to care so I make no effort to stop.
“Ok… are you ready for this..?” He murmurs, shifting so he could sit up on his
knees. He leans closer to me as if it’s a secret. Although, we’re the only two
home since my mom left for work a few minutes ago. I think it’s just an excuse
to be close to me, in which case I don’t mind.
“I was born ready.” I feel my lips splitting into a grin that’s almost painful
from excitement as numerous possibilities run through my mind.
What would Midousuji plan? A movie date..? Or was that too normal for him?
Would he do something completely unexpected?
He leans in until his lips are near my ear but instead of telling me anything,
he kisses the junction where my ear and neck meet. He slides his hands up to
hold my waist while he catches my earlobe between his teeth and gives it a
gentle tug before moving on to pepper kisses along my neck. His affection is so
rare that I melt into it without a second thought.
It only occurs to me when my back hits the mattress that he’s avoiding telling
me what he has planned for our date. If he would go this far to distract me it
must be something either really horrible or really, really sweet and he would
rather see my reaction in person than just tell me. Since he is being so loving
to me right now, even if it is just a distraction, I might as well take
advantage of it.
Midousuji’s hands wander up my shirt as he sucks tenderly at the spot where my
neck and shoulder meet. I’m completely sure he’s creating marks but I can’t
find it in me to protest. My eyes close from utter bliss and my lips part as
small noises sneak out. I can’t help it; every touch from Akira makes my skin
burn and tingle. My fingers thread into his hair and I cling to him with my
other arm slung around his shoulders, he’s so warm. He’s being so loving and I
feel disappointment in myself, I don’t want to stop, but my eyelids are too
heavy to open anymore and my body is relaxing itself into a state of sleep. I
really, really don’t want to stop this, but I’m not going to be able to stay
conscious much longer.
“Auuh…. Akira…” I moan out softly, my grip on him loosens and my mind starts to
fade again into that wondrous dream realm.
“Go to sleep,” Akira mumbles against my cheek before kissing it.
“Mmm…hmm…” The last thing I register is the pleasant sensation of Akira
planting a very light peck on my slightly parted lips and saying something
sweet that follows me into my dreams.
If I could name a color to describe the feelings you give me, it would be
yellow, Sakamichi.
---
I didn’t quite understand what those words meant. I dreamed of that color,
yellow. Anything yellow; and it took me to an empty field in the middle of
fall. All around me were maple trees, their leaves tinted yellow. They slowly
falling with the breeze, some land on me, others flow away with the wind and
vanish out of the corner where my dream cut off and became forgotten. My
fingers are pink and tingle with the cold presence of winter.
Lifting my hand above me, I catch a leaf fluttering down. What did Midousuji
say again? I can’t remember right now.
It’s cold
I run my fingertips along the frayed edges of the leaf as the clouds above me
break apart and the sun shines through, shines down on me. This warmth reminds
me of something, something on the very edge of my memory that I just can’t
grasp.  The sun is warm, bright, and…….yellow.
“Sakamichi,”
That voice rings in my ears from somewhere close like a sweet melody. I turn
towards it, but there is no one there, and Fall is gone. the leaves have
vanished and the field surrounding me is thriving with tall sunflowers, dancing
around me in a warm breeze.
I feel something warm to the other side of me. It’s pleasant; it makes my skin
tingle with a feeling that reminds me of the butterflies I get whenever I am
near Midousuji. When I close my eyes, there isn’t darkness. A bright color
paints a vibrant description of the sensation I’m feeling. It tastes sweet,
like pineapple.
---
I jerk awake from the feeling of falling and sit up in my bed. The room is dark
with only the soft peach color of the sunset glowing through the cracks in my
curtains. The clock on my desk says it is 5:39 PM, which means I have been
asleep for 8 hours, and Midousuji has already been to work and should be on his
way back now.
My heart is pounding wildly. Every thought of him makes something inside of me
swell with this feeling, one I previously have associated with love that I am
now comparing with this color, yellow. It feels right. Suddenly I remember the
words he whispered before I fell asleep. I pull my knees to my chest and cover
my burning face with my hands. If I think about what those words could
represent…
I love you Sakamichi
He said it, indirectly, but he said it. Imagining him saying those three words
to me in that sweet way he had earlier makes me warm all over. I can’t believe
it.
I thrash around on my bed, clutching my pillow tightly to my face.  I start
screaming into it, because, honestly I don’t know how else to react to…
whatever this is inside of me excitement? Bottled up infatuation? I don’t know,
but I feel really happy. I never thought Akira would ever say something so
sweet to me, the fact he said it in his own way makes it even better. It means
more to me that way.
After my fit ends and I settle down, I realize my bed is nearly destroyed. I
will have to remake it later. A determined decision dawns on me. I will tell
Midousuji Akira that I am in love with him on our date!
…
Over the next two days I spent my nights agonizing over how I’m going to do it
while simultaneously trying to fix my sleep schedule. With all these thoughts
popping into my head it isn’t working out as well as I’d hoped and I haven’t
come up with a solid plan. I know for sure that I’m going to say it back, on
our date this Saturday, no matter what; I will tell him how I feel. Like a
classic romance movie, I will kiss him, and then I’ll say it. Or, should I say
it and then kiss him? Or maybe I should hug him? Or perhaps I’m thinking about
this all wrong entirely. Maybe I should hold his hands when the mood is right,
look into his eyes, and say it formally. What if that is too intimidating for
him? Maybe I should add it in casually.
Two days wasn’t nearly enough time for me to perfectly plan and rehearse in my
head everything I wanted to do and say to make our date perfect. Saturday is
here and whatever cosmic force that is in charge of filling my head with
anxieties decided today was also the day that I realize I have never told my
mother that Midousuji and I are together. It’s very important and I feel very
horrible that I haven’t said anything to her about us. I swear I’ll tell her as
soon as she gets back from her trip tonight. What if she’s mad with me for
being dishonest with her?
“You’re dripping all over,” Akira says and it draws me out of my thoughts long
enough to realize that I’m standing in the bathroom applying half the bottle of
toothpaste to my brush. Most of it is on the floor in a big goop at my feet.
I screech and flail around in a desperate attempt to clean my mess but it only
causes me to fling my tooth brush around and make an even bigger mess.
Unfortunately for my boyfriend, lurking in the doorway laughing at me, he gets
a chunk splattered on his cheek. He’s not laughing anymore.
“I… it was an accident, I swear!” I plead, holding my hands out in defense as
he takes a step towards me while whipping the goop of toothpaste of his cheek
and flicking it down towards the floor.
“Why are you cowering away from me, Sakamichi? I only want a kiss from my
grossly adorable boyfriend,” Midousuji says in that con-artist way of his with
the fake hurt tone and his hand covering his chest like he’s been wounded. I
can see through it though.
He’s definitely a clean freak; he hates messes, especially when anything
sticky, icky, or gross splatters on him in ways they aren’t meant to. He once
locked me in a closet with a bag full of dirty gym clothes that apparently
belonged to Mizuta for an hour because I spilled some soda on him on accident.
It was horrible.
Another time I was eating a marshmallow and my hands had gotten all sticky, so
I reached for a napkin while I wasn’t paying attention and ended up wiping my
hands on his shirt. He wrestled me to the ground and shoved my own sock in my
mouth. I have learnt my lesson and have been extra careful to avoid spilling
anything on him up until now.
“Y…You’re lying…” I gasp when the back of my knees hit the edge of the tub.
I lift my legs and step back into it, and soon enough my back meets the wall
and I’m trapped. I grope around until my hand lands on something, a shampoo
bottle. I snatch it up and pop open the lid to aim it at him. I’m already done
for; I might as well go down fighting.
“Put that down and come here,” Midousuji says as he motions for me over to him
with a finger.
This is highly unusual, he normally just goes into his freak out mode and does
whatever hideously cruel thing his mind deems a fitting punishment for soiling
his cleanliness. Although, it has been a really long time since I’ve spilled
anything on him, and we weren’t dating when those things happened. Maybe it’s
different now..?
…
I set the shampoo bottle down slowly and step out of the tub with caution, my
eyes fixated on the door behind him; I know I’m doomed, his arms are long, and
he’s faster than me, he’ll catch me and I’ll be screwed. Maybe he’ll be
merciful.
I’m shocked when Akira bends down and actually kisses me! No dirty laundry
being shoved in my face, or him throwing me in the trash, or even making me
lick the toothpaste up off the floor. I’m starting to like this sweeter
Midousuji better. It’s more than a little kiss too; he wraps his arms around me
and lifts me up. The moment my feet leave the ground they wrap around him
instinctively as his fingers locked behind me. I place my arms around his
shoulders to help keep myself from falling.  
“You’re… so cute…” He murmurs before kissing me again, softly, then breaks away
a moment later to add, “…Um, don’t tell anyone I said that…”
“Hmm… I’ll think about it…” I say before leaning in to nip his lower-lip
playfully. I didn’t expect him to drop me and shove me against the door.
“I guess I’ll have to buy your silence, huh?” Midousuji whispers.
His lips press kisses on my jaw and his fingers trail down to hook into the
waistband of my boxers. My entire face is burning from the tips of my ears to
my neck.
“W..w…wh…w…wha…” I can’t even get out my befuddled question. I shiver and
squirm, looking up at him with wide eyes.
When he drops to his knees I shriek loudly and throw myself back hard against
the door. He’s… he’s not going to do THAT is he? He said he had a plan right?
He didn’t want to do anything like this until much, much, MUCH later! And I’ve
never known him to stray from his own plans.
“D…Don’t do that!” I shout as I snatch both his wrists up in my hands before he
could pull my boxers down. This situation is becoming increasingly more
embarrassing as I feel myself getting hard. How could I not after he’s been
kissing me and, in a position like THIS?!
“Afraid I might bite?” Akira asks with a curious tilt of his head as he bares
his perfect teeth. He guides my hands up into his hair and continues, “You can
always pull my hair if I’m being too rough…”
“A..Akira… are you serious? Wh…why do you suddenly… wanna do this..?” I choke
out past all my embarrassment.
“Hmm…” Akira hums out. I didn’t notice his wandering hand until he presses his
palm against the bulge in my boxers and massages it in a way that make my knees
buckle and my breathing hitch. My grip tightens in his hair unconsciously. I
feel bad about it so I drop my hands and ball them into fists at my sides
instead.
“It’s because…” He drawls out. I’m starting to lose my mind, the heat and
friction of his hand was making me melt completely. The thin layer of fabric
separating the full contact I’m craving was starting to become annoying. I bite
my lip hard in an attempt to keep the last of my composure.
“I’m mean,” Akira finishes with a twisted grin as he pulls away from me, stands
up, and leaves without another word.
…
Did he really just leave? Did he change his mind? Was that… no. No… there was
nothing shy or sweet about what Midousuji was doing, it was all a plot for his
cruel vengeance. He was going to leave all along after getting me into this
state.
“IT WAS JUST TOOTHPASTE!” I shout, fisting my hands into my hair out of
confusion and frustration. Why couldn’t he just be mad at me like a normal
person instead of trick me in such a rude way? Unbelievable!
I figure I might as well finish my morning routine now that my boyfriend is
momentarily done harassing me. I start by cleaning up the toothpaste mess with
a washcloth from underneath the sink. It wasn’t that bad of a mess really, but
I feel bad about wasting so much.
When I finish brushing my teeth I bump the bathroom door shut with my hip, and
strip down to nothing while stumbling over to the shower, it’s when I’m pulling
my boxers off that I notice I still have an inconvenient problem.
…
It’s not like… it’s anyone else’s business what I do when I’m in the shower
anyway.
---
Chapter End Notes
     hHAAHAHAAAAAHAHAA................. Omgg I'm a tease?! SORRY! but, the
     next chapter klds;jkl;gajakgjkdfl;ajgkl;d there MIGHT BE SOME SEX.
     jdklJKLDJKLSDGJ;ADJGK; JDKAL;GJKLDF;A
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