Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/5922091. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Underage Fandom: Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling Relationship: Sirius_Black/Remus_Lupin Character: Sirius_Black, Remus_Lupin Additional Tags: Marauders'_Era, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Sex Collections: The_Wolf_and_Hound_Archive Stats: Published: 2016-02-05 Words: 1208 ****** Peace of Heart ****** by Blacks_Crystal [archived by WolfAndHound_Archivist] Summary Remus finds it hard to forgive Sirius for the willow incident ... until he sees how broken he is. Slash oneshot Remus POV mild language, adult situations Notes Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at Wolf_and_Hound, which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the Wolf_and_Hound_collection_profile. Peace of Heart Seven months without him, feeling too betrayed and angry to forgive him. Seven months I’ve been without him during the full moon, Moony without his Padfoot, Remus without his ‘loyal loving boyfriend’. As soon as James, Peter and myself made it clear that we were not going to forgive him any time soon, he ‘moved’ into the common room, we haven’t spoken since the day before ‘that’ full moon, since the day before ‘the willow incident’. Before Snape knew my deepest darkest secret, the day before Sirius used me. I’m sitting in our dorm room perched on the edge of my bed, which, just so happens to be the one opposite ‘his’ deserted bed, the place where my heart once slept, where I was once at peace. James is sitting on the window box, staring into the beyond, he’s hardly left my side since the incident, he’s acting a bit like an over protective guard dog, shielding me from … well Snape and Sirius. I miss him … Sirius that is not Snape, I feel a little at fault for not hearing him out, not letting him explain, and for letting James keep him away. But Sirius did try and make a murderer of me; I do have a right to be mad at him! I shake my head violently, physically trying to rid myself from my conflicting thoughts about my ex-lover, because that’s all he is an ex! “Remus” a voice says weakly, my head darts to the door, the source of the call, and there standing in the door way is Sirius, James charges at him before I even have a chance to respond. “What the fuck do you think your doing here?” James snarls, grabbing Sirius by the scruff of his shirt and shoving him out of the room and into the hallway. “Didn’t I make myself clear, last time?” James yells, his fist shooting forwards, hitting Sirius on the side of his face, at this action I shot forwards. “James STOP” I yell, James stops mid third swing, still hovering over Sirius, who is now on the floor, doing a bad job of protecting himself. Sirius looks at me shocked, with a red mark on the side of his face and a bloody lip, blinking slowly. “Just leave … James,” I say faintly, James looks at me his mouth falling open. “You want me to leave?” he asks gesturing dramatically with his hands, “Have you forgotten Remus? You could have gone to Azkaban because of him” James points violently at Sirius’ face. Sirius turns his face away, closing his eyes, as if trying to block out a bad memory. “No I haven’t forgotten James, but I do want you to leave us, please” I ask looking into James’ eyes, trying to say, I need this, but I don’t want to hurt you, with a single look. James turns away from us and walks down the stairs, retreating to somewhere other than here. I turn back to the dorm, making a beeline for my bed, perching on the side, as I had been before Sirius dared walk into ‘enemy territory’. Sirius walked in behind me, but stops feet from my bed, his shoulders slumping, looking beaten quite literally. “I’m sorry Remus” it took him seven months to come up with that, I look into his eyes, his shocking grey eyes “ I was drunk, I know it sounds like an excuse, but I was” I turn away from him, I felt like he was belittling what we had, had. “It took you seven months to come up with that, I must have over estimated you intelligence Sirius,” I say bluntly. “I was messed up … do you remember the argument the day before, I thought you were going to brake up with me. I took James’ Firewhisky supply… I bumped into Snape in a corridor when I came after you.” To be honest I had forgotten about that argument other, bigger things had got in the way. The argument in question was about Sirius and he flirtatious behaviour towards the whole wizarding community. It was one of those… petty jealous lover tiffs, and he thought I was going to brake up with him over it? Petty jealous lover add insecure partner equals drunken fuck up! “Say something” Sirius begs. “What do you want me to say Sirius? That just because you were drunk it makes everything all better? You told my secrete and I lost your trust! I think you got off quite easy with this Sirius you didn’t lose anything!” I’m still mad he was a total idiot! “I lost you,” he whispers my anger evaporates, looking into his eyes I see his unshed tears, he looks like a helpless, beaten, tearful, unloved, puppy. The problem never was that I didn’t love him any more it was that I felt I couldn’t trust him anymore … I’ll just have to ban him from drinking! “Oh Sirius” I say dragging him from his standing position and into my arms, he berries his head in the crook of my neck, bursting into violent sobs. “Shhh Siri its ok” he was still balling his eyes out and getting my shirt all wet. “Its not o, because I’ve still lost you” he whimpers crying even more. “No baby, I’m right here,” I say cradling his head to my chest, pulling back he looks at me with big tearful eyes. “Really?” he asks whipping a tear off his cheek and sniffing back more, I pull his face to mine, out noses touching, I can see nothing but his beautiful grey eyes. “Really” I whisper bringing his lips to mine, I kiss him deeply; tracing my tongue along his bottom lip and loving the way it makes him tremble in my arms. We pull back from each other; my hands are berried in his black curtains, “Merlin, I’ve missed you,” he says resting his forehead against my own. “I missed you more” I smile, pecking his lips again, smoothing my hands down his chest, I sigh softly, I bend my head slightly and start kissing his neck, licking, nipping and pecking, he moans lightly. “Re you know what that does” he says thrusting his hips towards mine, I grin, I push him back on to my bed, Moony missed his mate. “Why don’t you remind me” he pulls me down onto him kissing me forcefully, hands unbuttoning my shirt and slipping it off my shoulders, running his cool hands down my heated skin. Too impatient for buttons I rip his shirt open kissing down his chest, unbuttoning Sirius’ trousers I smile that even though he was single he still went commando. Kissing his lips again I nips at the sensitive skin loving the sounds I’m bringing from him. I take his hard erection in my hand stroking him lightly and he undoes my trousers, and returns the favour, its never felt so good, everything feels better once you’ve been without for so long. We’re both moaning, just simple touch is enough and it’s all we want, we climax together and I fall beside him, I’m never going to let him go again and finally my heart is home and I am at peace. Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!