Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/11115381.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major_Character_Death, Rape/Non-Con,
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Original_Work
  Relationship:
      Ritemo_x_Shunchou, Kokari_x_Shunchou, Daiichi_x_Shizuki, Shizuki_x
      Shunchou, Shenzo_x_Sho, Shunchou_x_Ryo, Shenzo_x_Shunchou, Shunchou_x
      Daiichi, Shunchou_x_Sezuoka
  Character:
      Sezuoka, Shunchou, Daiichi, Kuma, Sho, Ryo, Shenzo, Ritemo, Kokari,
      Ritemo's_mother, Yashiro, Dolfin, Vux, random_characters, Yumi
  Additional Tags:
      Pedophilia, Mpreg, Drugs, Murder-Suicide, Eating_Disorders,
      Psychopathology_&_Sociopathy, Mental_Institutions, Mental_Breakdown,
      Mental_Instability, Original_Fiction, Polyamory, Incest, Humiliation,
      Homosexuality, Male_slut, Prostitution, Original_Character(s), POV_First
      Person, Narcissism, Slaughterhouse, Destruction, Mania, Erotic, Implied
      but_not_descriptive_sex, Panic_Attacks, Paranoia, Emotional/Psychological
      Abuse, Sexual_Abuse, Verbal_Abuse
  Series:
      Part 1 of Paranoia
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-06-06 Updated: 2017-06-07 Chapters: 8/? Words: 37095
****** Paranoia in Distrust ******
by YaoiMasterShota
Summary
     When all you have left is insanity and the want to do inhumane
     things, what do you do?
     The story takes place fourteen years after a Japanese boy named
     Shunchou was born. After his birth, he was almost immediately sent to
     an insane asylum because the doctors found out he was likely to
     commit murder when he grew up (due to new wristbands put on babies
     that indicated so). At the dreary place, he can only hope no one will
     hurt him. He makes friends with one kid, Kokari, who is strangely
     knowledgeable about everything, while Shunchou is more stubborn and
     obnoxious. Kokari has trauma of rape that never happened. Shunchou
     has panic attacks whenever he is left alone in a room and is
     extremely afraid of bugs. What the hell is going to happen to them?
Notes
     (I apologize. The content of this story was deleted from existence on
     the site it originated from.
     The main one is no more than a memory, deleted entirely. This is the
     prequel to it. I saved all 45 chapters of this, luckily. I present to
     you 1-5.)
     Includes non-descriptive rape and sex, suicide attempts, graphic
     murder, cursing, homosexuality, pedophilia, and mentions of child
     abuse. You have been warned….
     Do not copy or share this content anywhere. This was created by me in
     2016.
     This is not the full capability of my writing skills. This was
     written casually, compared to Disdain, my new story. If you want to
     see my writing ability entirely, read that story, instead. This story
     is more comedic than that one, as well.
     APOLOGIES, but the story does a complete 360, plot-wise, in the
     future. There is no direction as to where the plot is going. If you
     enjoy how I write, then you will enjoy this story, nonetheless. The
     focus is the characters, not the place. This story is mainly DIALOGUE
     based.
     //All characters are Japanese unless stated otherwise. The setting is
     Japan in 2010.//
***** Torture *****
A light was cast down on me, blinding bright for my pained eyes. It was the
same old process. Every week, I was examined thoroughly for depression and
infections, such as parasites and other diseases... in some cases, I had my ass
prodded by a strange man's gloved fingers. For what reason? I did not know.
"Quit looking over there. Look up."
I stared sideways at Kokari, who was obediently lying on the other chair, eyes
aimed at the harsh light. I had known him since I was born. He was the only one
I could rely on. I felt comfortable around him and intensely mortified when we
were separated. All the people I tried making friends with in the past were
sent to the "art room" and never came back. Kokari and I called it the art room
because every time we walked by it, we peeked in the small window to see walls
covered in blood. It made me tingly inside.
"Shunchou," Ryo barked.
I sighed heavily, aggravated by the light beaming relentlessly on me. It
wouldn't stop it. It kept staring down at me, mocking me. If I looked hard
enough, I could see a face inside the middle.
Feeling him rub my arm with a cotton swab, I knew what was coming. It was the
dreaded syringe. It was even worse than the anal probing fingers he owned.
Though most of the time, it was a different guy who did that to me. That was
actually sort of pleasurable when he brushed against the right spot, but this
was pure torture. We endured the shots every week for a year, (by "we" I meant
the teenagers) and after seventeen, the shots were taken away. Kokari told me
that the medicine injected by the syringe was used to calm everyone down. He
said teenagers are smarter than the other kids, and they have rationality, so
they'd try to run and get help. He said the people who worked there wanted us
to think we were safe....
Wincing, I bit my lip in response to the extreme sting of the needle puncturing
my pale skin. Everyone in the facility was just as sickly pale as I was. They
never let us step outside, for it was forbidden. Anyone who stepped outside was
sent to... the art room.
"Great, you were great. Now I'll check your hair for lice...."
That guy wasn't some stranger to me. He had given me all of my mandatory
examinations since I was a baby. He always tried to be stern with me when I did
not stare at the light, but I knew it was all for show; he put up an act just
so he would get paid. Kokari told me that the owner of the building hired
various former prison inmates to work on each floor, including the seemingly
sweet ladies who visited us and gave us food. He, Ryo, had actually been taken
to jail for running over somebody. I believed him to be innocent, thinking that
the whole ordeal was caused by a false accusation. He had a soft heart, but he
was strange: for example, he loved touching my hair, and I knew because he kept
his fingers secured amidst my locks, fingers softly touching my tousles instead
of searching. It had been thirteen years and there had never been any lice in
my hair, what was the point? It was the only part of his job that he enjoyed.
He wasn't the type to like giving me shots.
"How much longer?"
"You ask that question every day. Only five minutes left."
"That's because I hate this."
"It can't be that bad."
"Not you practically massaging my head, I mean the thermometers and drawing
blood and looking all over for bug bites...."
He didn't mind it, of course he didn't. He was allowed to look at my entire
body to his content. He was allowed it because it was part of his job. The guy
named Ryo had a crush on me. It was a thing I didn't mind. He lived at the
asylum, surrounded by women his age and older, yet he was into me. The twenty-
nine year old was into me.
"No one likes having blood drawn. There are things worse than these
examinations...." he trailed off, probably reminiscing about his past again.
All I knew was that he was a lonely virgin who wanted me, as blunt as it
sounded.
The guy who gave Kokari examinations was a little older than Ryo, but he was
timid and quiet, while Ryo was outgoing and reassuring. I actually wrote a
story on Ryo and the other guy getting together, but I nearly tore it all up
when Kokari told me that guy was engaged to a lady in the asylum. I didn't even
know his name. He never said his name. I called him Miki.
"The art room is worse," I uttered, defeated as his silky fingers danced across
my head. I resisted the urge to look away again. According to him, the light
was actually an experiment. As a five-year-old, I was drugged with something,
and it caused my eyes to be resistant of the worst, brightest lights. Looking
away was an indication that it worked, at least. No one at the asylum wore
glasses because we had superb vision.
"The art room? Oh, is that what you boys call it?"
"Have you ever been in there?"
"No. When your day comes, I'll have to be in there."
"When my day comes? When is that?"
"I wouldn't know. Don't tell anyone I said this, but the staff really prefer
you two over any other kids. You two are obedient and don't try to escape."
"There isn't a reason to... I wouldn't know what to do out there, I'd stand
out... keep bringing me paper and I won't go."
"You aren't ungrateful. I'll do whatever I can to make sure you never get in
there. Can I see your writing someday? I'm told you're always working on
stories."
"No, you can't."
The thing was, most of the staff only acted nice to us. They acted nice to
everyone, but every night... the screams from the art room were heard loud and
clear, especially downstairs. The art room was neglected during the day. Ryo
was genuinely a kind person, even I knew that.
"Why?"
"It's all disappointing trash. Are you done now, or are you planning on giving
me a manicure?"
"I'll see you next week. It isn't disappointing or trash, it can't be. You
won't even let anyone else read it. You're a smart kid, I know I can expect
something good."
He ruffled my hair once before sliding across the floor with his spinning
chair, writing something down on his clipboard and reaching up to dim the
light. I gazed to the left to see Kokari sitting on his chair, expectantly
looking at me.
Ecstatic, I arose from my own chair and he joined me, both of us strutting to
the big door. "You looked a little sick, Shunchou. Make sure to eat enough and
get some rest."
"Tell them to clean my room. There are so many spiders."
"Alrighty."
I opened up the door, entering the white hallway and looking to the right.
There was another wanderer. There had been quite a few lately.
"Go back inside," I warned them.
"Come escape with me. Don't tell anyone, please."
"Go inside or you'll be killed!"
"I'll take my chances. Now, shhh."
It was night time. It was time for everyone to go to sleep, yet this stupid
teenager was wanting to escape... they would pay a visit to the art room....
"It's pointless... you're stupid."
"You're stupid for not escaping with me!"
There was no point in arguing with people at that place. Everyone had their own
set of friends, their own views, their own everything... it was impossible to
tell others things that were true.
We would never get out.
He ran past us, slinking into the darkest part of the corridor, the part where
the door to leave was at. There were cameras over there. The workers were
alerted when anyone came to the door and touched it. I would have tried to open
it a long time ago, but it was pointless. I didn't want to be killed.
"Come on."
Kokari and I sifted into our room, the drab white one. Wait, every room was
drab and white. It wasn't so bad. We were given coloring books, journals to
write in, food three times a day, snacks, juice, occasional DVDs for TV time,
action figures, stuffed animals... I heard that the girls were given dolls and
makeup, as well. It wasn't the worst thing in the world. Plus, I had Kokari.
Anything that came out of his mouth was interesting.
"Can I sleep in your bed? There's spiders near mine...."
I had a fear of spiders. No, bugs in general. It was hard to fall asleep,
knowing they were creeping beside my bed. It was right beside a corner in the
room, what did they expect? Kokari's was beside mine, away from the other
corner. He always took the warmer blanket every night.
"Why can't you kill them?"
"I'm not going to touch them!"
"You'll never be a man... don't you want to impress the girls?"
We went to school once a week. I knew it was a week because we were given
calendars every year. We weren't allowed to celebrate our birthdays, but that
was okay. School wasn't bad, either. The school we went to was inside the
asylum, cut off from all the rooms and white hallways. It was a colorful place.
The teacher in my class was... Ryo. There were ten classes, each class holding
roughly fifteen kids. Kids who spoke without raising their hands were taken to
the room beside the art one. When we peeked inside that room, we saw kids
getting beaten... they wouldn't come to school for a few days after, so we
always knew who got sent there and who didn't. I learned to never speak up
without raising my hand. Kokari went there once and told me of his experience.
He never did it again.
There were girls there, of course. There was this one girl I was into... I
heard from others that her breasts were size 34B, a size I found to be perfect.
She had flowing silver hair, green eyes, and was great at English. She took the
time to teach me how to speak it better, as well. I wasn't the only one after
her. In fact, I had quite a few rivals. She was three years older than me, so
she knew more. She said she liked older guys, anyway. She definitely only saw
me as an acquaintance.
"Maybe I want to impress guys," I joked, sitting on his bed and staring at a
moth flying in the air. It was easily seen in the white room, so that was good.
"Don't make jokes like that."
"Why not? You against gays?"
"The opposite. Don't take it lightly."
"What? Are you offended over something?"
"You're only tempting me. Don't tell me you're that oblivious...."
"What, what?"
"Nothing."
"Wait, Kokari, could you be... gay?!"
"There's no need to squeal over it. I'm simply not attracted to girls. There
isn't another explanation for it."
"Maybe because you never watch porn. Ryo sneaks in porn DVDs in our pile
sometimes, you know. I can show you one."
"No. I feel nothing for frilly skirts, lacy panties, bust size, hips, long
hair, makeup, or shrill voices. Miki is... good enough...."
"Woah, woah, wait. You're into Miki? Miki, the guy who is eighteen years older
than you? He's taken! He's with Ryo! I'll put you in my story and make you the
homewrecker!"
"He has a deep voice, he dresses nicely, he never has anything unnecessary to
say... unlike your crush. All you care for is her looks."
"If that were true, I'd be like all the other guys. Do you think I'm like
them?" I pressed.
"No, but you should find out more about her. He and Ryo are only together in
your fantasy. His name is Sora, not Miki. He went to jail for killing his
fiancee because she almost choked him to death for being bisexual. He is afraid
of women."
"You aren't even bisexual, just gay?"
"I'm gay."
"Wow... and you like Miki, that's so cool. No one in class?"
"Sora. No, they are all immature."
"How do you know his name? Does he talk to you?"
"He does. He's quiet, so you probably don't hear him. Get off my bed, there's
nothing wrong with yours," he answered, coloring in a frog and naming it Jinko.
What a strange name.
"Don't be like that. I understand how it must be for you."
"You don't. You make your characters gay, but they face nothing from society.
If people in class knew, they would treat me differently. Being gay isn't... an
easy thing."
"I'm not attracted to females, either. Yumi is different. Yumi is a nice girl,
and she's plenty boyish. She watches porn, did you know that? She-"
"She's no different. She has everything females are supposed to have. What do
you want to do, have sex with her? She's not a virgin."
"Not a virgin? She is a virgin!"
"She's slutty. She helps guys with classwork while showing off cleavage, and
sometimes she touches them. I'm not retarded. You're ignorant and oblivious."
"Stop insulting me! I don't care about that, anyway! I'll date her some day!"
"Will you?"
"Yes. I'll ask her out tomorrow."
"Good luck to you. Are you going to sleep?"
"No, not yet. Can you tell me the story about the laughing room again?"
"Again? Well, it was the day when we were all watching that fish movie in
class... I told a boy to stop staring at Yumi because it made you angry, and a
few seconds later, I was tapped on the back. Ryo led me in the hall and looked
nervous. He told me to come with him, and he said he didn't want to do it, but
they were watching on the cameras. I was pulled down the hall, past the art
room and-"
He stopped talking as a horrific scream from down the hall broke through,
interrupting. That boy was being punished. Why didn't they listen?
"-he made me stand in front of a room as he went inside. It was cold,
surprisingly cold, and my heart wouldn't stop beating. I glanced inside and saw
a torture table. There were whips, there were matches, there were knives, there
were electrocution devices... it was a torture room. It was the room we always
heard people laughing in, the one they laughed in as they abused the kids. A
moment later, Ryo came out and told me to come inside. He said he wouldn't burn
me, he said he wasn't the sadistic type. He had to do something.
"He told me to take off my shirt. Another thing about the laughing room was
that no one was to be let out without bruises, scrapes, burns, or some other
injury. He needed proof that he was actually doing his job right, so he took
the whip and whacked me with it, so many times that I wondered if he actually
turned on me, somehow. Ryo started laughing, laughing in a maniacal way, but
he... there were tears falling from his eyes. He hated doing it to me. He
actually stopped after a while, and he got to his knees behind me, hugging me
and wiping blood off me with a towel. I wonder if people actually get sent
there and abused in horrible ways. You saw Nobuteru that one time, he went to
school with a black eye and a broken arm. He never spoke about it to anyone.
Staff members show off their sadistic side in the laughing room and the art
room... but Ryo and Sora aren't like them."
"Sora is a murderer, though. I think you described it even better this time."
"It was self defense, in his case. However, he tells me he never had feelings
for her."
"If you say so. I'm going to sleep. Night, night."
"On my bed?"
"Yes, your bed. I'm telling you, the bugs are scary!"
"Alright. Since this moth is going to bother you, I'll kill it."
"Why can't they just... get rid of those vents? Or at least put something in it
to kill the bugs, they always come in...."
"You can request it."
"They never listen to my requests. I asked for a better blanket and I haven't
gotten it."
"Go to sleep...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What do you think? Ryo and 'Miki' just got married, but it turns out Miki had
a crush on Kokari, the homewrecker. Ryo tells Miki to leave him for the
homewrecker, and Ryo finds me. Ryo and Miki argue on the phone, and then Ryo
puts it on speakerphone and fucks me so that Miki will get jealous. Instead,
Miki gets angrier and says he won't come home because Ryo is a cheater, and you
feel bad. You kill yourself, Miki refuses to get laid by Ryo... Ryo eventually
finds Miki and shows him that I exist, and he drugs Miki. Miki gets 'kidnapped'
and forced to watch us fuck in compensation for leaving Ryo, blah, blah,
blah... how is it?"
"Atrocious."
"See, it is trash. Disgusting, there's a spider on my fucking shirt!"
"Language."
"It's just a word, Mom."
"You can't even remember your mom. I technically am your mom. I take care of
you."
"Yeah, right, I can take care of myself...."
"And kill all the bugs by yourself?"
"Well, no. That's what you're useful for."
"Thanks."
"Can you hand me my toothbrush? There are worms in the bathroom, I saw some."
"Liar. Where?"
"Look in the trashcan... and in the drawers... I hung my toothbrush on that
hook connected to the wall, see it?"
"Why would you do that?"
"The worms will get it."
"You overreact...."
"No, I'm just scared of them. Hey, are you leaving the room? Don't leave, I'm
not done!" I exclaimed, dropping my journal and stripping my sleep shirt off,
replacing it with the black one on the rug.
"I'm not going, just getting our food. We have seven minutes until class
starts, no need to rush."
"Oh, what is it?"
He opened the door and bent over, picking up our tray, before coming inside and
shutting it again. "Bagels with cream cheese, milk, and bacon and egg inside
toast sandwiches."
"Yes, my favorite. What do you like the best?"
"Cereal."
"Oh, yeah, you're the old man who always gets the Raisin Bran."
"And that makes you the child who gets Fruit Loops."
We didn't have breakfast picked for us unless we wanted it to be that way. Most
of the time Kokari requested food without telling me what we were going to eat,
but sometimes I asked for what I wanted. We were allowed to eat in the
cafeteria, but there were too many stupid kids there, too many teens who wanted
to escape. Every morning, Kokari and I ate together and chatted about things.
He often took my food and told me I'd gain weight if I ate any more, even
though I tried to live off a loose 1,600 calorie diet. Looking in the mirror
every day, I knew I was too skinny. I wanted to eat more.
The asylum wasn't limited to only feeding us Japanese food. Kokari and I
actually liked American food, Mexican food, German food, and other types.
Anything was good.
"There is a pack of M&M's on the bottom of the tray. Must have been a mistake."
I... tried asking for snacks, things high in calories so I could gain more
weight. Kokari always found out, but he still didn't know I was the one asking
for them. I asked them to be discreet about it, but it never worked out. I went
so far as to ask for things to be mixed in with my drinks or hidden in my food.
It never worked.
"But we can still have it, right?"
"No, candy isn't good for you."
"So? Every now and then-"
"This is a big pack. Too many calories."
"...Why can't I have it?"
"You'll get fat."
"I want to get fat!"
"What a bad thing to say. I don't want you getting fat."
"What does it have to do with you?"
"I'm jealous of your skinny body. Please maintain it."
I did a rigorous workout session once a week... it really paid off after a few
months. I used to be scrawny and weak, but now I actually had muscles. It was
hard for me to gain weight.
"Fine...."
Pulling my sleep pants off, I sat down and opened up a drawer of the dresser
behind me, screaming and scooting back as a moth flew near my face.
"Fuck!"
"Calm down already," he sighed, crawling over and clapping his hands together
in the air, squashing the moth in the process. I moved forward and stared
around inside for any other inhabitants, retrieving a pair of pants.
I gazed down at the way I looked somewhat seductive, long shirt draped over my
boxers so that it appeared I was wearing nothing underneath.
"Hey, if I ask Ryo for gay porn, will you fap to it?" I asked.
"What a nasty word... stare at others and defile my hands, what is the point in
it?"
"To feel good."
"You never let me leave the room without you, when do you have the chance to do
that?"
"At night. If you get hard, I'll know you're gay."
"I'm not attracted to any males. Intercourse makes little sense to me."
"Shit, we have four minutes left."
"Language."
"Mom."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Do you know where Yumi is?" I asked the group of teen boys, the ultra hormonal
ones who, according to Kokari, masturbated all the time. Every time I walked by
their room, I heard them moaning. I sort of wished I had someone to masturbate
with. Kokari was too stubborn.
"Nah, man."
"Chihiro, have you seen Yumi?" I questioned her best friend.
"She left the room last night and didn't come back."
"...Huh?"
"I want to know, too."
I stared at Ryo as he walked in the doorway, a grim expression cast upon his
face. He strode over to the front of the room and I scuttled back to my seat,
giving an obnoxious face.
"F-First of all, I must announce that our friend, Teru, passed away last night.
The other news I have is that... Yumi's body was found killed in the ladies'
restroom sometime after. We do not know who did it, and it was not our staff.
If someone knows who may have done it or who has done it, please tell me or
another member. That is all. Now, I'd like for you all to remain quiet and not
start an uproar, so- yes, Shunchou?"
"What was the method of... murder?"
"Bruises on her neck indicate she was strangled to death. There are no
fingerprints left at the case. The killer was someone who knew what they were
doing. We have no evidence or leads."
It couldn't be the hormonal boys, they were moaning all night, even as I
drifted to sleep. As far as I knew, Yumi never visited the cafeteria, either.
The only ones who knew her were the kids in our class. The girls all looked
horrified, everyone looked scared... Kokari always had a straight face when it
came to hearing about people dying, it was nothing new. Wouldn't he feel
sympathy for me?
Devastated, I slumped back in my chair and tried to tune everything out. I
couldn't pay attention at all in school. Yumi was the only girl who ever
interested me. It was hard to cope with the fact that I couldn't cry over her
death. I felt terrible inside over it, but all my heart did was flutter a
little once I was told the truth. Everyone loved her, who would kill her?
I looked to the right. Kokari marked something on his paper. I leaned over to
see a checkmark and a list of names. It was beside a name.
"What is that?"
"I'm crossing off who in our class is dead and who is alive. All of these kids
are left, all of these kids have died. Five have died."
"Why is there only one checkmark? It's beside Yumi's name."
"I'm circling the kids who were sent to the art room and putting checkmarks
beside the ones who were killed outside the room."
He circled Teru's name with his pencil and... we both looked up to see Ryo had
stopped talking, and everyone in the classroom was staring at us.
We talked when the teacher was teaching.
"You two, please meet me in the hallway."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Kokari, this is your second strike. Unfortunately, that means your punishment
will change compared to the last one. Both of you are going to the 'laughing
room'."
"N-No, it's a mistake, I'm sorry. I didn't realize we were talk-"
"Please go with it, Shunchou... I don't want to inflict pain on you, either."
"B-But it's going to h-hurt!"
"Don't cry, Shunchou, I won't make it hurt-"
"That's a lie... you hurt Kokari last time, I saw the wounds left on him. He
even got sick after that. Isn't it enough if I'm sent there, you do that
pretend laugh thing, and you hit me once? I can go back to my room and not go
to school for a few days after, too!"
"It doesn't work that way... the whole thing is recorded, I'll get fired."
"So what? This job sucks, doesn't it?"
"You don't get it. They pay a ton of money here, this isn't some bad job...
what I have to do is bad, but the pay is great. I care about you two, but I
also need the money. Once I get enough money to pay for that family... I'll
leave."
"That family?"
"There are twelve members. All of them have cancer."
"Why am I even here? I get hurt so you can pay for these people's cancer
treatments...."
"I'm sorry."
"I won't let you hurt Kokari."
"I'll have to... I'll put him in another room so you won't have to see it."
"You can't do that!"
"I'll have to. The equipment for him is in another room. People with two
strikes have to be sent to the other room."
"W-What other room? And no!"
"It is down another hall, you've never seen it before. You really don't like
being separated from him. Again, I'm sorry, but I have to do it."
"You can't separate us," Kokari argued.
"He's always clinging to you, you can go without him for ten minutes."
"No, you really can't."
"What's your reasoning?"
"Shunchou goes crazy when I'm not around. He has panic attacks."
"Panic attacks? That's a new one."
"It's true."
"I can't cater to everyone. Are you okay with seeing Kokari get hurt?" he asked
me.
"I'll do it... bring the equipment to the laughing room if you have to."
"Alright... come on."
We followed close behind him, dread pulling at my heart. The way Kokari
described it was utterly horrible. I didn't want to be abused. Did I even
deserve it? I just wanted to get out, I really wanted to leave....
"I'm sorry for the homewrecker wrecking things."
"What?" he laughed, turning around sharply. Now that I noticed it, he looked
tired. Maybe he killed Yumi. Wait, he was too innocent for that.
"You never know the difference between reality and fantasies, do you?" Kokari
mumbled.
"Well, you and Miki were married, but it's Kokari's fault you got a divorce."
"Miki? And you think I'm gay?"
"I've always thought so. You know, 'Sora' or whatever."
"What makes you think that? Sora is so not my type."
"You flirt with me! What is your type?"
"My friends used to say I was overly attached to them. I get along well with
guys compared to women. I'm a supporter of gay people, but I'm not gay, sadly.
Why do you think I give you straight porn? I have a thing for redheads... busty
girls, school girl outfits, uh... blue eyes, yes. I like arrogant people."
"Not gay? You just ruined my life by saying that! The fuck?"
"I would say I have a slight crush on you, though. I'm not attracted to just
anyone!"
"So you're like Kokari? He only wants Miki, he says other guys aren't good
enough. Are you calling me arrogant?"
"You go after what you want, and you have confidence. Your fear of bugs and
needles is cute. I guess I am like Kokari. He's too self-centered for me."
"Haha, he made fun of you! You aren't going to hurt me a lot, are you?"
"I'll try not to. You worry over everything, don't you?"
I didn't reply as the door stood in front of me, already... containing that
disgusting noise, the sound of the cackling laugh. I heard a kid yelling and
crying for his life.
"...We'll just wait out here."
My fear was heightened, fear that maybe Ryo would change personality, turn two-
faced, and beat me to death. Some kids who were sent there didn't ever come
back. Some kids were literally beaten to death and no one heard from them
again.
Kokari had other plans. He casually pulled what looked like a tissue paper from
his pocket, forcing it underneath Ryo's nose, who almost instantly passed out
on the spot. He grabbed my arm and stuffed the evidence back into his pocket,
running as fast as he could with me by his side. I was shocked at the new side
of Kokari. Then again... I knew he would do anything to protect me. Kokari did
care for me.
"Where did you get that from?" I demanded.
"I made it myself."
"What... what if we get caught, what'll happen?"
"We'll call the police."
To my extreme pleasure, he snatched a phone from his other pocket.
"And where did you get that? You didn't make it!"
"Sora brought it to me."
"We're going to threaten them if they beat us?"
"Exactly."
***** Growing Apart *****
Chapter 2 ~ Growing Apart
I stared hard at him and the heavy dresser he had moved up against the door,
blocking anyone from entry. We were going to get in trouble… they would find us
and hurt us even more. Anyone who disobeyed got punished.
“If Ryo is on our side, he won’t tell the others.”
“Still, he’ll get us during school! He’ll bring us to the hall and take us back
to the laughing room, there’s nothing you can do about it. If we aren’t at
school for more than a week, they’ll come to our room and give us our
punishment, they-”
“We still have this phone. I won’t let them hurt you.”
“...What if they catch you off guard when you don’t have the phone? What if
they take you to the laughing room without me, because you drugged that tissue
and… it was you, not me!”
“Yes, and I shall take the full blame for it. Hurting you is uncalled for.
Until then, we’ll keep the door locked and blocked.”
“We can’t stay in here forever….”
“We won’t.”
“What about food? We won’t be able to open the door.”
“Then don’t eat. You can survive.”
“Today is a terrible day… those two died, we ran from Ryo… I hate doing bad
things.”
“If you cared about her, you would cry.”
“W-Well, maybe I’m just incapable of doing so.”
Kokari opened up a drawer and pulled out one of my journals, flipping to a
random page and reading aloud, “To not feel for her death would be
unforgivable, an act even I would feel regret for. I had no choice but to cry
on the spot, forcing myself to emit tears. I was a fake human. No, that wasn’t
right. I was not human.”
“Don’t recite it!”
“Force yourself to cry. Did you know she was going to die? Maybe you did it,”
he blamed me.
“Me? If anything, it would be you. You’ve been indifferent since I told you I
had a crush on her. You were probably jealous because she had a crush on me in
return. You’re lonely! Why would I even kill her? I liked her!”
“Liked. Liking someone is practically the same as feeling neutral about them.
It isn't enough."
"So, what? You want me to be some psychopathic lover? Is that how you are,
Kokari? You just came out as gay, but are you even into Sora? Was it an excuse?
Is it me? Is that why you killed her, because you didn't want me with her? What
is it?!"
What was I saying? It sounded like something straight out of one of my shitty
stories... something irrational and completely unlikely and impossible. Kokari
wasn't like that. I didn't want to be on bad terms with him.
"...Sometimes you sicken me. All you do is make scenarios and fantasize. None
of it is real. Nothing you ever say could ever happen. That includes me falling
for someone such as you. You are vain."
I was feeling embarrassment. It was worse than just the casual butterfly
feeling in my stomach whenever the boss lady spoke over the speakerphone and
called the two of us in for shots and experiments. It was the worst kind of
embarrassment.
"Are you and Sora a thing? I never thought to mention it, but there's a hickey
on your neck... I know what bug bites look like, and that isn't one."
"What I do shouldn't concern you, especially the personal things about me. You
stay right there."
"We should go. We could go, Kokari, right up the vent and... and we could
leave! We won't get caught. We should escape right now! Come on, let me climb
on your shoulders!" I exclaimed.
"Have you gone mad? You can't fit in there."
"Then cut me up in pieces and shove the body parts inside! If we get caught...
fuck, if we get caught... let me out, Kokari, open the damn door."
"You're insane. Do you need another shot? Perhaps this will work," he
suggested, pulling that drugged tissue from his pocket again and waving it in
the air.
"Kokari, if you don't move, I'll never forgive you."
"I've heard that too many times. Wait, it was from that one story you wrote,
that's where."
"I won't forgive you!"
"You will."
"You're making me do this, Kokar- EEEP!" I screeched, falling forward on my
knees and covering my head with the bony arms I had, shaken by the moth
fluttering about. I was reminded of the same butterflies that fluttered in my
chest.
"Quit being a coward."
"Stop calling me names!"
"Then accept the truth that you will listen to me."
Staring at the darkness below me, I unfolded my arms and lifted my head up,
smiling in the cheekiest way I could muster. "I'll drown myself if you don't
move."
"No. No, you couldn't. You're scared of everything. You're scared of death and
getting hurt."
"I'll do it. I'll really do it!"
Getting up on my knees, I stood up and glanced to the right, thankful that the
moth was nowhere near the bathroom door. It was the only idea I had. If it
backfired, I would be dead and Kokari would commit suicide. If I died, he would
do that. If he died, I would kill myself, too.
"I dare you."
With those words, I was chilled to the bone, stepping forward and actually
feeling my heart thumping hard, straining, possibly bulging in my chest. I
didn't so much as glance back at Kokari, because if I did, I would fall to his
temptation. I lived all my life going by whatever he said, so to do something
against him... I felt so dirty, so disgusting.
Letting my feet drift on their own, I stepped on an open coloring book, staring
down at the page and stopping. "You colored her hair silver... you wrote 'die'
all over this, how can you even explain this to me?"
"I can't."
"You lied to me... you've been lying, and why? Is this something that happens
to teens? I thought you cared. That's enough of my ranting."
Running the last few spots, I entered the dusty, cramped bathroom with a small
shower, one sink, and one towel that had been abused, rubbed firmly against our
wet bodies as we shared it after bathing. It was a forbidden rule to peek while
the other was bathing, but I was compelled to stand in there while he did his
round. No, I had to. We couldn't be separated for even a second.
I felt a loose hand on my shoulder, carelessly placed on the ridge, but it
meant nothing to me. I moved in front of the sink and cast the water on,
hearing it stir and build up. I pressed down on the plug, forcing it to keep
the liquid in the curved container. It was a crude way of drowning, but it was
easy and quick.
"You can't be serious."
"I-I'm serious!" I protested, face betraying me as it flushed a strawberry red
color. Kokari was only fascinated in the DVDs where people were killed off and
committed suicide... I hated those movies; they were distasteful. He knew more
about suicide than I would.
Observing the water fill the crevice, I felt a lingering finger on my arm, put
upon me in the most teasing way. He didn't believe me. He truly didn't believe
me.
Hand shooting out to force the water off, I stared down at the smooth bowl,
head bowed. I felt the sensation of his warm breath dancing against my neck,
bringing the hairs to a standpoint. I took a final breath before my face was
plunged inside the sheer coldness, eyes closed and air pried from being
released.
I counted the seconds in my mind, slowly losing stamina. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...
all the way to 46. It was torture, treating my body so harshly, consciousness
gradually leaving me. Kokari was pulling me back, yanking my fingers off the
counter, trying to make me lose my grip. At 59 seconds, he went so far as
turning the faucet on once more, leaking the hottest form of water down my hair
and soaking me to the brim. I tried to bear with it, wanting to convince him I
meant business.
Lungs pleading for imaginary forgiveness, my face ascended from the unrelenting
pool. I snorted up water, coughing and spewing and watching my vision descent
to darkness. I expected his arms to be wound around me, but nothing came, only
the truth hitting me.
I paid no heed to him or the fact that my head was spinning. I turned around,
shoved him out of the way, right up against the wall, and darted out the door.
I completely ignored the fly buzzing around, hurrying to the door and standing
beside the dresser, pushing with all the strength I had. Everything inside me
was screaming, I was begging for him not to approach, but he had to take part
in all I did.
"What are you doing? We can't be apart!"
I let his words wash away, escaped them. The wood moved beneath my fingers,
sliding against the rug and letting out the firm, soft sound I loved. Footsteps
grew closer, my hands started feeling clammy, and the doorknob started
turning... I forced it open and thanked the invisible force who brought me
peace.
Kokari killed my crush. I had to kill his. That was how friends worked. I had
to pay him back the same way, with the same amount of compensation.
I couldn't bother with the male behind me, who was attempting to gripe at me
and tug at my arm. I ran and ran down that hall, a speed I normally wouldn't
try to aim for. I needed a weapon... I needed to visit him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You sick, cheating bastard! Die, die! Yes...."
The man beneath me flailed and writhed, hands helplessly wound around my neck,
choking me in a futile manner. I was shocked at the pleasure it derived, the
fingers pressed into my pressure points and ceasing oxygen flow, his touch
depleting and starting to grow weaker.
I dug into his cheeks with my fingernails, which were not blunt. I held him
down with those nails as I sank the tip of my knife into his pretty neck,
watching the even prettier redness dribble down, down. His eyes bore hard into
me before he stared upward, limp and utterly lifeless under my pathetic,
untimely erection.
The blood stained the fingertips of my other hand, unsanitary and foul. The
plump pulse spot had ceased its vibrating, but I was far from done. I yanked
the knife handle back, not willing it to get stuck and engraved for the scene
of the crime. With an all too ecstatic hand, I brought it to his lips, gently
carving tiny abrasions into the pinkness. With my other hand, I tore his mouth
open with two fingers, separating one part from the other and opening it wide.
Instantly, I jabbed it into his tongue, neatly sliced into the sliver of flesh
and peeled it off the fuller part of the piece. Kokari would want that,
wouldn't he?
"You're disgusting, Shunchou. You killed... Sora...."
He was behind me before I could comprehend it. I didn't even hear him
approaching me.
"You killed Yumi."
"You asshole!"
He grabbed my hair harder than Ryo ever would, pulling me back and off the
man's body. I was lying on the cold floor, facing him. He was angrier than I
had ever seen him. He was blistering with fury, a fight brewing within those
eyes of his.
"What do you think about me?" I questioned.
"It's true."
"What's true?"
"I love you. I did kill her to get her out of my life. Still, you killing
Sora... I was only pretending to have a crush on him in the first place. You
killed an innocent man."
"So? It was good."
"...Good... are you insane now? Do you like killing?"
"You like it, too."
"Looks like we finally have something in common," he growled, stepping over to
the other side of me and facing me eye-to-eye, hands touching the zipper on my
pants, working it down.
"Are you going to rape me?"
"If that's what you consider it to be."
"Wow, you're hard from me... so I turn you on?"
"Staring at your skinny body... I'm going to make you bleed, Shunchou."
"Do it."
"You did that terrible stunt earlier, it made me want to hurt you. It wasn't
funny."
"You at my dick is funny... looks like we've turned into those other boys.
Fucking me near Sora's dead body, what are you doing?"
He leaned down, face above the bulge in my boxers, and sucked profusely on the
skin that was hidden away. His fingers were underneath my shirt, cold and
"bothersome", as he would say. They rode against my shirt, lifting it up and
revealing pointed hipbones and a supremely flat stomach with minimal but
visible muscle.
"I lusted for this body every night. You're so seductive, such a show off. This
virgin skin is mine...."
"Virgin skin? You creep. Sukebe."
"Yes, very dirty. I want to blow you and give you a hand job and fuck you
multiple times. Put your body on display, I don't have all day."
"Creepy, creepy. Fine, do what you want."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"They'll find his body and know I did it," I grunted, vigorously rubbing at the
blood streaming down my legs.
"How would they know? You have the weapon, there is no evidence."
"I feel like I left something behind. At least we got food while we were gone."
"Sandwiches, chips, and drinks... you always put chips in your sandwich."
"I can't eat sandwiches without chips in them."
"You'll never stop being weird."
"You'll never stop being a creep!"
"Nevermind that. Eat your food."
“We need an escape plan before they find the body. How can we get out of here?”
“We need one? Weren’t you okay with just staying here? You make fun of the ones
who try to escape the building.”
“That was then. You know how to strangle people to death, I know how to kill
them with this knife, and I know when the laughing room is open. By that, I
mean no one is in there. We can kill the staff and leave. We can kill them one
by one, every last one of them. At night, we can sneak out and go to the door,
and I can try to open it while you guard me. We have weapons now. We can get
even more.”
“They’ll find out we’re doing the killings. We can’t escape them. We may have
weapons, but they have tons of staff members. Sora’s door just happened to be
open when you wandered in.”
Kokari settled down beside me, up against the side of the bed, handing me the
sandwich with chips in it. I plucked one out, eating the lone one before
stuffing my face with the other food.
“The moans stopped.”
“Right.”
“Did they get busted? Fuck, what if Ryo wakes up? What if he’s already up?
He’ll tell everyone on us.”
“I take responsibility. Ryo wouldn’t do that.”
Kokari had the ability to read people better than I ever could. He was what you
might call an expert. He could understand someone’s intentions and who they
were just from looking into their eyes.
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“So… you killed Yumi because you wanted me to yourself. Why didn’t you admit
you liked me from the start?”
“Even I have self respect. I don’t want it going down the drain. Do you have
feelings for me, now that we’ve had sex? Have you… discovered them?”
“All I discovered was that your dick is too fucking long. How are you that big?
I wasn’t… bothered by having sex with you, it felt good. Maybe I would
undercover the truth if I topped you."
"Are you interested?"
"A little. Hey... do you ever think we'll get out of here? Just... one day," I
inquired, seeking an opinion as I set my head on his broad shoulder.
"I'll leave with you and no one else. We've been here for thirteen years,
maybe... just a little more and we'll be out."
"Will you ever watch gay porn with me?"
"Definitely not."
"No Kyler Moss?"
"How do you know their names?"
"Well... Ryo informed me."
"What would you do if you left here?"
"See new people, maybe have sex, start a family, sell some stories... but isn't
that what everyone wants?"
"What is your sexuality? Would you marry a woman and have children?"
"No, I can't see that happening. I'm unsure. I always masturbated to straight
porn, but even I watched gay porn sometimes. Anal sex is just so fucking hot. I
masturbate to anal sex more often than vaginal, and watching the guys stick
their tongues in those things just... argh. Your cock was too big, but it was
still enjoyable. Yes, I like dicks. Girls are pretty and sometimes even hot,
but something about them just doesn't click with me. Your personality is good,
yours is the one I want. A girl with your personality... no, I couldn't see me
getting with them. Maybe you're the only one, after all. Hey, if I kiss you,
promise me you'll let me eat all my food this time?" I chided, bribing him.
"I don't want you exploring your sex life by using me. "Bi curious" is what
they call that. I'm not into it. Are you straight, bisexual, or gay?"
"...When I said I'd have sex with Yumi, I didn't actually... think of having
sex with her. I could never masturbate to the thought of sex with Yumi. When
watching porn, I always pay attention to the guys, not the girls... fuck, I am
gay, aren't I?"
"Even gay guys can appreciate the fact that yes, some girls are pretty."
"That's how I feel!"
"Be quiet and eat."
"But I want a kiss...."
"Stop pouting."
Wondering if there was something underneath the tray again, I signaled him I
was leaving the room for a second by holding a finger up, placing my plate on
the table and crawling forward. Kokari had pushed the dresser lazily in front
of the doorway this time, so it wasn't as difficult to move. I pulled it
towards me, holding on to the edges, and pushed it sideways.
Making room for myself, I held my arm up and moved the doorknob, edging out of
the way a bit. As the door came towards me, I reached out and grasped the tray.
A hand jerked out and grabbed me by the wrist, pulling me out. No, forcing me
out, almost unattaching my arm from my hand.
"Let go! Let go!" I yelled, arm and shoulder trapped between the door and the
door frame, stuck in place as my arm was potentially bruised on the spot. I
tugged and tugged, trying to take my hand back, but his grip was strong. It
reminded me of Ryo's grip on my arm earlier. I couldn't even catch sight of who
was pulling on me.
Kokari was behind me, arms encircled around my waist and breath hot against my
shirt. He pulled the door open fully, helping my arm escape its painful
situation. Ryo was not the one hurting me. It was someone younger, someone who
appeared to be our age. He had Ryo's face... or what could be similarly
identical to it. They looked very much alike.
"It hurts... what do you want from me? Why do you do this?" I cried.
"You betrayed Dad."
"Dad?"
"You betrayed my dad and killed my other dad!"
He wasn't adopted. It was impossible. After he said that, I further examined
his features. He had Sora's eyes, even the bags underneath them. He was the
product of Ryo and Sora.
One of them got pregnant and had this boy.
***** Are We There Yet? Can I Go Home Now? *****
Chapter 3 ~ Are We There Yet? Can I Go Home Now?
I was strapped down to a chair, a long and foamy strip of something laid out
beneath me. There was a breathing mask latched to my mouth, a tube perched
inside. I glanced around blearily, weakened and submissive to the lack of
eventfulness.
"You're awake. You did well."
I couldn't speak underneath the mask, but even if I could... what would I say?
Where the hell was I? Why was everything so blurry?
"Sorry, you're confused. I gave you surgery, so your chest should hurt for a
while. I gave you anesthesia to sleep through it. Why surgery? Well... there
was a worm inside your chest right... here," he murmured, finger tracing the
spot between my nipples, "and that's a bad wormy. The worms make our patients
go... ballistic, and feel the urge to kill. You were born with it, and it was
part of the factor indicating you'd grow up a murderer. You killed Sora because
of this wormy. Kokari had one, too, we found out. Don't panic, he's right over
there. I'll take this off you and you can lie here, okay?"
As his grubby fingers pulled at the mask, I opened my mouth to let the pipe
slip by, vision growing slightly better. I was beyond confused. Why didn't he
ever explain something like that to me before?
"You sound drunk, haha. We don't tell anyone until after they kill. Otherwise,
everyone would find it okay to kill because they could blame it on the worm.
The thing is, we don't want to perform surgery on kids, only to see that their
worms haven't developed. Yours was visible. We can tell when the worms act
up... because you start killing. Now that we've rid you of it, the killing
should stop. We take worms seriously...."
Was I talking out loud, was that why he spoke to me? Even without that worm...
I still wanted to kill. Was it just instinct? At least he wasn't upset with us.
"Oh, and you are to stay here all day because you went against me. That means
no talking to Kokari."
Come on!
"It was punishable by death. You're lucky. If I told them you killed Sora, you
would have been taken straight to the art room. I know you're old enough to do
it, but we put a ban on having sex last night. Those boys won't make noises
anymore."
He knew we had sex... did he see me kill Sora? Was it on camera? Did he destroy
the evidence?
"I won't do anything irrational. You two are like my own kids...."
"...Do you have a son...?" I managed to get out.
"A son? Where does this come from?"
"I saw him... beautiful... he had two dads...."
"Sora and I did those kinds of things when we first met... but he wanted
society to accept him, so he got with that lady instead. Our personalities
weren't compatible, only during sex."
"Would you have dated?"
"Even though we weren't compatible, I kept coming back to him... he was an
obsession of mine. I hid my son from everyone and everything. He was always
locked in my room every day. Now he has to take care of Kokari. See? He works
here now...."
He tilted my head to the side, showing me a blurry man trying to wake Kokari
up. He looked a lot like Ryo, as even his arms had the similar physique.
"Wow...."
"His name is Kou. He's rambunctious and steadfast, but his mind is always
whirring with something else. He won't talk to me now that Sora is gone. It's
amazing how Sora got pregnant with Kou. I bet you used to think he was fat,
huh? It's the first ever case of male pregnancy. He had the baby in here, with
no one else around... only for my eyes to see. I had feelings for him... but
Kou has taken my heart."
"Literally?"
"I love him. I love him and it hurts. Are you okay with incest? I'm not telling
anyone else."
"Incest is sexy."
"I'm glad you think so... he's your age. We're in a sexual relationship, but he
wants to get married. It's a bit much for me. You’re different. Why are you
into those kinds of things? You haven’t been exposed.”
"It just comes to me. That and… those boys are so loud.”
“They were, weren’t they? They shouldn’t bother you two anymore.”
“...Kokari and I can’t have sex anymore? You can?”
“No, you’re a bad influence on the younger kids. What would we do if you got
pregnant?" he teased.
"Bad joke."
"I didn't want to tell you, but I think now's the time. Kokari gave me a piece
of your writing. You wrote about kids being trapped in an insane asylum,
teaming up to try and escape. It was heart wrenching... and extremely detailed.
I want it to be sent in for publishing."
"W-What? No way, I won't do it. It isn't even edited. It's just another piece
of shit."
"Why are you so harsh over your writing? You have talent!"
"What will publishing any of them now do me? I don't need money. I can't do
anything with money."
"Look, I don't want to lose my job or anything, but... even I know that this
place needs to be taken down. The public doesn't know about it. No one is aware
of the things that go on in this building. If word spreads... people will be
informed and you'll be able to escape."
"Are you working with me or against me? Choose a side, I'm tired of this... no
one wants to read my crap."
"I'm serious. This isn't some 'Oh, it's good' thing. Your writing was amazing.
You're skilled. For your age... it was sophisticated."
"I've been writing since I was eight. There's nothing good in it, I've reread
that one before."
"You have talent. You have to use it. Why would I lie to you?"
"Everyone... lies to me. Yumi told me I'd be experienced with English because
of her lessons, but I'm still no good and she's gone. You convinced me you were
a good guy, but you tried to hurt Kokari. I can't forgive you. I won't forgive
anyone."
He looked at me in a distasteful manner, displeased. "You can't always expect
to get what you want. It's a rule of life. If you went out into the world like
you are today... you would probably be bullied."
"That isn't funny!"
"I wasn't trying to be funny."
"Humans are corrupt. I was born into this place, it wasn't a choice at all. I
remember those days... where there was torture. I remember the days before
Kokari and I became close."
"Torture? What are you talking about?" he asked. His eyes were set cold on me.
There was a painful thudding in my head.
"...I wrote of it. I won't speak of it. Kokari is so messed up that he talks of
things that never happened."
"Let me read it. How do you know those things never happened?"
"Kokari says he got raped. He didn't seem like a virgin to me, but... he didn't
get raped. I used to watch him every day. There was no way someone could've
slipped by who I didn't see. We shared that room, how could I not watch him? He
never even left. He left whenever I left, because he thought it was rude to
leave while I was still present in the room. Even when he went out, he never
went far. He laughs and says he should be getting panic attacks, not me...
Kokari has dry humor, huh?"
"How long has he been saying that? Does he go into detail?" Ryo pressed,
glancing over to make sure Kokari was still drowsy. He lowered his voice.
"The first time he told me, we were in the cafeteria. We had our food and sat
down, talked a little... and Kokari started to cry. Really cry. His chest was
heaving with suppressed tears and everything. He bawled his eyes out hard. I
shook him for probably a minute or so, asking what was wrong. He pointed to the
corner of the room, where there was nothing. There was no one there. He leaned
up against my arm and said... that 'that man' raped him. There was no man. He
went into vivid details over the rape. Kokari said that while we were sleeping,
the man must've snuck in one time. He woke up because the guy was choking him,
and he threatened to bite his dick off if he woke me up. I won't go into
detail. It was impossible for him to have gotten raped. The man never existed,
and I know that for a fact. If he did, wouldn't Kokari have had marks on his
neck? I've never seen him with marks on his neck before. He's had hickeys,
though," I described.
"Schizophrenia. We'll need to test him for ourselves. Kokari has abnormal brain
and heart conditions. His heart beats slower than the average person."
"Isn't that dangerous?"
"Yes. Sora used to ask Kokari every week if he had dizziness. Kokari always
said no... even though his heart beat is slow. You are perfectly healthy, aside
from the urges."
"The urges? That sounds so off putting."
"Some say this asylum is haunted, even cursed. Cursed in a way that makes some
of us go crazy, develop psychosis, kill a few... you have signs of it. We're
trying to make sure you aren't tempted to kill again. That means two shots a
week."
"What? That isn't fair at all!"
"Sorry~."
But in all reality, it was fair. Everything at the facility was considered
'fair'. Beating kids? That was just fine. Murdering kids? Again, it was
entirely okay. Nothing was inhumane. Apparently when the kids did it... they
had to be punished. Shots were the cruelest form of punishment. Whoever said
'they don't hurt!' was a liar.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a knock on our door, the sound that Kokari described as being
'degrading' to his peace and quiet. Kokari enjoyed meditating while I drew. He
was the calmest guy I knew, unlike anyone other human. No... Kokari wasn't
human.
"Darling, I only want to suck on your intestines and eat them!"
Kokari and I gave each other the exact same look at the exact same time. How
did our lives go from being semi-normal to drastically abnormal in the span
of... what, two days?
"Kou, go back to your dad."
"Can I play? I have no one my age to hang out with. Shunchou, you're my rival
in love, after all... shouldn't you let me in?"
"Let you in? That was the creepiest thing ever!"
"I have to talk to you two," he said, persistently rolling the doorknob side to
side, causing it to move from where we were looking at it. The way he spoke was
grim.
"Come in. Two minutes."
As he burst inside, he slammed the door shut, most likely aggravating Kokari
even more. He sat down on his knees before me, staring into my soul with his
scary eyes.
"They're lying to you. Even Ryo, he's lying."
"...They never stop lying. This isn't new."
"No, no, no, listen. The shots aren't to calm you down, it's a big lie. They do
the opposite."
"The opposite?"
"Their effect... it's completely different. The shots make you go insane the
more you get them. You two are the staff's toys, in particular. The shots they
give everyone else are ones to calm them down, and that's why they seem so
normal. Haven't you been called wacky before? Even the kids sense you two are
weird. You give off pheromones that smell disgusting. You are their test
subjects. They're trying to see if they can manipulate the way people think
with just those shots. The shots draw blood, but they also... pump a chemical
inside you that makes you change into a monster of some sort. When you get
sexually excited or angry, your mind will go into a stupor and shut off. The
other side of your mind will turn on, and you will feel the need to go kill.
The boys were told to stop their sexual acts to better convince you two that
everyone isn't allowed to have sex. It's only you two. Ryo doesn't want you
getting sexually excited because it will make you go insane. Ryo is on your
side... but at the same time, he's with the staff on this one. They're using
you, don't you get it? I won't give Kokari the shots, I'll only pretend.
Shunchou, you need to do something. Sora's daughter, born from his fiance, is
the leading candidate to replace Ryo if he dies. She and I... talked about
this, as well."
"Where are you going with this?"
"Kill Ryo and you'll be safe."
"No. Never tell Shunchou what to do. I'll do it," Kokari rejected.
"I have my pride, you can let me do it," I tried.
"I'd never let you risk your life."
He was always so stubborn.
"Are you going to do it?" Kou probed, hands awkwardly positioned on the rug,
leaving an outline of his contours.
"No! Moreover, I can't believe you're like this! You aren't feeling anything at
all for the fact that you're talking about him dying. What kind of son are
you?" I demanded.
"A deranged one. I can't take you seriously, skeleton boy. You're too immature
to have an adult talk."
"Immature?" I asked, breathing in and out deeply before throwing myself
forward, rationality drifting from my mind. I sank my hands into his shirt,
fist poised at his face, aimed toward the nose. Kokari's soft hand on mine
convinced me it wasn't worth it.
"It would appear you are the impatient type... if you want Ryo dead, do it
yourself. Quit bothering us and get out," the boy growled, sentence hinting to
threatening undertones.
"And you, you're the most annoying one here, it isn't him! You talk big and
have that stupid deep voice, but you're silent a ton of the time. Maybe you're
just contemplating on what words to say to sound like an old man. It takes you
forever!"
"Shunchou, hit him. Now."
"Now isn't the time for that. Kou, maybe you need to grow up and stop being a
daddy's boy! You seriously are!"
"At least I'm not latching on to whatever this boy says."
"He's the smartest person I know, asshole."
"He's the only person you know, in this wide bubble of friends you have."
"Did you come here to fight? If not, get out," I grumbled.
"I still want to eat your insides, you'd better know that. I'll kill him,
myself."
"Now get out."
As he got up, flashing us one finger and pointing two fingers at his eyes, he
stormed out of the room immediately.
"That really pisses me off... why would they make us kill? Is this some
government testing? I'm just a toy...."
"It's okay. You aren't a toy to me. You're something important."
"Something important? I'm just an annoying boy who's afraid of bugs."
"But none of that matters. I accept it."
"Someone would call me girly for being afraid of bugs."
"Gender has nothing to do with fear. You can be either gender and be afraid."
A second later, the door was flung opened unexpectedly. It was a face I
couldn't recognize. There was a guy wearing a helmet that covered his features.
He had a dark black suit and a hard, small, pole-like object in his hand.
Kokari pushed me back, standing in front of me like a guard. The guy wasn't
after me. He seized Kokari's arm and turned around, silhouette leaving amidst
the room. I watched in feign neutrality, trying to act composed while I was
infuriated inside.
"Where are you taking him? Wait! WAIT!"
I lumbered after my friend, hurry, hurrying to seek him out and grasp him in my
arms, kiss him passionately and protect him from anyone else.
I was gay. I was panicking, too. My throat was parched. I wanted to yell at
Kokari... what was he doing? He could escape that man, himself. Kokari was
strong and... deceitful.
Quivering, I moved my tired arms, feeling cemented to the floor at that moment.
There were eyes on me, sharp ones boring into my cranium from behind,
approximately... three meters away. Who was it?
Helpless, I trudged forward, feeling stuck in mud and utterly icky. Kokari
stood in place, turning around and meeting eyes with me, yanked forward by the
forceful man. There was desperation. There was so much desperation it made me
falter, breathing becoming ragged and extremely painful to do. I convulsed,
coughing hard, the sensation of something stuck in my throat becoming even more
real. My arms were linked together behind my back, pinned against my body while
I foamed at the mouth.
I stared down at the floor, shaken and bewildered while liquid dribbled down
the edge of my lip. I covered them to cease the coughs momentarily,
indescribably traumatized, knees wobbling. I sank into the pool of dead moth
and fly particles and blood I had spewed out. The person behind me came down,
teeth engraved in my neck as if they were a part of me, as well.
I pondered, pondered feebly within my mind... why did he say nothing to me? Why
were his eyes so... full of pain?
***** Rescue Plan *****
The pain coursing through my body was interminable. There were harsh words
spoken around me, words of praise, words of confusion... everything was
foreign. I was disconnected with everything else. I received a shock throughout
my arm for glancing at another tube, this one with a smaller, younger kid
contained.
I was naked and there were tubes attached to strange patches on my skin.
Movement served to be the most aggravating attribute. Ryo was in the corner of
the room... strapped to a chair, restless and twitching, mouth stretching as he
made muted sounds. I blocked out any noise, shutting off all the thoughts I
wanted answered. Kokari... what were they doing to Kokari?
I almost peed myself at how badly it hurt, stepping forward and beating my
fists on the strong plastic of the tube, as desperate to see him as he was to
get me back. Those eyes did not lie.
Ryo's condemning voice grew in volume, hoarse and raucous. His gaze was fixated
on me, words mushed together and strung messily. My heart reached out for him
as Kou slammed a literal stick down on his father’s head, knocking him
senseless as a brilliant smile graced his face. Ryo still didn't deserve it...
Ryo was against the experimentation....
I froze, looking right while the door slid open. A man stood in the enclosed
tube's doorway, fingers skimming against the flesh on my arm. "It seems you're
normal. Compared to your buddy... you're nothing special. Get out of here."
I was shocked, warped. Was he kidding? Was it a joke?
"We have a different treatment for ones like you. Move your ass."
He took hold of my hair, pulling me forward, immense agony traveling all over.
The tubes fell off the patches, which were still present. I first moved my
hand, then my entire trembling arm, pushing against his chest.
I promptly received a slap to the cheek and two arms trapping me in a choke
hold of sorts, rendering me dizzy and exhausted after a few seconds. After
that, he thankfully poised his hands around my wrist, instead. I was led into
the room, surrounded by tons of body-sized tubes, all different colors with
different dwellers trapped inside. There was a fairly wide tube off to the
right, where Ryo sat in that chair... in the tube, from what I could see, was a
rabid dog violently attacking someone.
Reminded of how I had ended up there, I picked my foot off the ground and
stared at the sole, spotting the smushed remnants of bugs. What was the
explanation?
"Where am I... going...?"
"The art room. It's such a fitting name, Ryo told me what you two called it.
There is no use in keeping you."
The art room. It took me a while to take it in. I was going to be slaughtered,
maybe hung, maybe... ravaged by a chainsaw, maybe cut up by a blade... I was
going to die. It was the end for me. There wasn't time for having a panic
attack, I was actually going to die.
"Let Ryo kill me...."
"Ryo? That bastard is a liar. We're not letting you in his care anymore."
"I want to be killed by someone I care about!"
"I don't care what you want, you prick."
"I won't die from your hands!"
"You'll do what I want you to do!"
He dug his fingernails into my wrist, stabbing me with them and leaving a mark
of disdain. I couldn't help but gaze down at the cold red floor, listening in
on Kou's cackling and that man's harsh words.
Scream.
Obeying the strange voice swirling through my head, I opened my mouth and let
it out, all my emotions released and entangled in a shrill screech, more high
pitched than I could ever manage. The man dropped my wrist, unmoving and
trapped, body wound with what looked like spiderwebs. Everywhere around me, all
the people had these spider webs wrapped around their bodies. No one moved.
Peeling the patches off my skin and wincing, I tromped over to Ryo's
destination, grimacing at the blood trickling down his forehead. Actually...
was Ryo even the good guy? He had been a good guy until then, but with those
experiments... he agreed to administer them. Wasn't he at fault?
Glancing down at my body, it dampened my mood even more, rib cage protruding
and hip bones sticking out. You'd think it was the Holocaust.
That dog was trying to slumber, tail wagging impatiently as he waited for his
next meal. The kid who had been captured was nowhere in sight... well, he was
the small clump of meat left on the floor, the scraps that the dog disregarded.
I treaded forward, hands reaching out to touch the spiderwebs around his body.
Could it be... I had some sort of bug ability? Some power to acknowledge them?
It would explain the dead flies and moths and the spiderwebs.
"Let's get you somewhere else."
I first pulled on the straps holding him to the chair, taking the restraint off
with ease. Next came the ones keeping his hands down, and finally were the ones
keeping his legs stuck. Those were a little more complex to tamper with, but I
succeeded.
Wiping a stray tear from my eye, I thought again on Kokari's location,
wondering briefly if he was trapped in a tube like I had been.
"Kou...."
Terror laced through me like string until I realized the voice spoken had been
Ryo's. He talked in his sleep. He talked about his son....
I had to find Kokari.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hauling Ryo around proved to be a difficult task, but it wasn't impossible. My
arms were still weak from whatever unknown force had damaged them. Every now
and then, he murmured in his sleep. I was tempted to wake up and ask him where
Kokari could be, but I figured he deserved the sleep after getting slugged in
the head like he had.
I peeked around a corner, staying back and remaining glued to the wall, holding
my breath as a guard passed. An actual guard. They were... really trying to
make sure Kokari and I were taken in, weren't they? It was only us they wanted.
Apparently I wasn't needed, however.
Scrutinizing him as he left painstakingly slowly, I tore across the hallway and
opened the door to our room in haste. I passed the dresser by the door and
plopped Ryo's body along my bed, figuring Kokari would be selfish about it if I
used his. I stood up once more, watching him to make sure he wouldn't move
before turning around and almost, almost heading out.
"Downstairs... beside the cafeteria, there's a door. There are stairs when you
open the door... leading to the lowest floor. Turn left and you'll see a black
door. He's there, he is... I wish I could help. I'm sorry."
"That was enough help. Thank you. I want you to block the door while I'm gone.
If there's an emergency or if I get him back, I'll knock seven times in a row.
Stay here."
"I used special gas on you... mixed in with anesthesia. You're part demon,
Shunchou. Use it."
Part... demon? Demons were bad guys. I was... bad?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After being stopped once by a man asking me where I was heading off to, I
opened the door beside the cafeteria, running down the stairs as fast as I
could. Clop, clop, clop... but there were still so, so many to go. I held fast
to the slippery railings on either side of me, jumping down the continuous
steps like a little kid.
A fragrant scent wafted into my nose, suspending me from moving. It smelled
like sweat and body fluids, perhaps semen and blood. My head started throbbing
again, cheeks swelling red as an attractive man passed by, glancing back at me
with a curious face. Unfortunately, he stopped.
"Are you lost? There's nothing down here for you."
"I was hired today."
Ryo told me that it was uncommon for the manager to hire young kids or teens,
but it did happen occasionally.
"To this area? Are you sure? If anything, you should be working upstairs...
this is only for the older people."
"I'm sure."
"Do you have the certificate stating you were hired down here?"
"...It's not with me at the moment."
"I don't have time for jokes, boy."
"And I don't have time for you not taking me seriously. Do your job."
"Look, if you aren't-" he started, lunging forward and extending his arm,
probably to grab me like all the other men. It was all a game, arm grabbing and
face slapping and yelling.... "HOLY SHIT!"
I stared at him in dismay, wondering if I was truly so ugly that he just had to
step back so fearfully. His eyes were wide, hazel balls of shiny beauty
decorating such a perfectly pale face.
"Holy shit?"
"Your hair just changed color... how did you do it? What tests did they do on
you? I wasn't aware an injection like that was being made... stay back!"
"Changed color...." I trailed off, plucking a loose hair from within the mess
on my head and pulling it into view. The strand was black instead of red.
"Wait! I'm not a monster!"
"Not a monster? Even your eyes have changed... you're horrifying!"
Figuring he'd leave if I didn't speak, I waited as his limbs shook. He stood
there.
"I suddenly feel... hungry for blood. Mind if I take some of yours?" I asked in
the scariest voice I could handle, creeping forward and challenging him.
"S-Shit, I'm out of here, I'm out. I don't want to work down here anymore, I
quit!"
As he disappeared from sight, I stared back at the place I was heading to.
There was another man, this time holding on to a hideous version of the male I
knew and cared about. Kokari would fall on the floor if that guy hadn't made
him hold on to his shirt. Kokari's hair was a wreck, an absolute wreck, and he
had a cast on his leg. I could see where they had lashed him on the neck, could
see the extreme things they had performed on his arms, where stitches met and
where bruises tainted his previously wonderful limbs.
"We suspected you'd come looking for him. You were too late. Here's your
friend. We expect to see him a week from now."
"What did you do? I'LL STRANGLE YOU, TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!"
"Ask him. If you can get him to talk, I mean. The kid won't speak. He won't
close his eyes, either."
"When I get out... you'll all be arrested... I'll kill all of you until there's
no one left... I swear it! I hope you die! Die, die, die!" I yelled, heart
constricting and squeezing. I was baffled and offended at the way he shoved
Kokari into my arms, taking him off his feet and cast.
"Enjoy your day. You missed lunch. Dinner's at 7:00. I expect to see you
looking for better friends. This one's gone."
"He isn't gone... he's breathing. His heart is beating and I can feel it.
Right, Kokari? You're okay, right?" I fretted, lifting his face up slowly. The
eyes staring back at me would haunt me, give me nightmares for days to come...
the wide, petrified green eyes that were full of trauma and emptiness. "Make a
joke about me being scared of bugs, say something mean again... please."
Greeted with silence, pure silence, I glared furiously at that man until he
smirked, shrugged, and walked down with swagger to his steps. I set a hand
against Kokari's ass, expectant of a response. There was nothing, no words with
sexual undertones or a straight out "let me fuck you". Kokari was as silent as
silent got, nothingness reflected in his eyes.
"It's my fault... damn. We've never done this before...." I uttered, leaning
forward and holding him tightly, lips pressing against his wet ones, tongue
slipping inside. I tasted sperm. There was no doubt it was sperm. "Shit, did
they make you blow them? Fuck!"
With no reaction, I sagged down on to the step, grabbing him by the legs and
helping him down beside me. Slowly, I lowered him on to my lap, hand securing
his back as I gradually pulled my body upward, bringing him with me. He was
heavy! Every week, we had to get weighed... I remembered Sora mentioning that
Kokari gained weight. So it was true. It was hard for me to gain weight and it
was super easy for me to lose it, while it was the opposite for Kokari.
Cradling him in my arms, I moved a hand up to his face and closed his eyelids,
wanting to know exactly what they did to him and why.
I had to get to the bottom of it. I would never let him back there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ryo, can you help me? Please! Kokari won't talk or move, it's-"
"I can speak."
"You can? Since when?!"
"You are not Shunchou...."
"What? I am! My hair changed color, it's still me!"
"You didn't help me."
"I tried! Tell me what they did!"
"...I cannot," he whispered, staring at the wall.
"They literally torture you down there. I was supposed to work there when I
first got this job, but after seeing what was down there... I requested to work
upstairs. It makes sense for Kokari to feel traumatized. They probably did all
sorts of terrible things."
"Like what?"
"Extreme abuse, sexual acts, skinning, breaking bones, discovering what he's
afraid of and using it against him... they'd trap you in a room with thousands
of bugs, for instance. Wouldn't you be traumatized?"
Nodding my head quickly, I watched him closely as he giggled.
"Will he snap out of it?"
"Not soon. He needs time. He most likely won't even tell me what went on. All
we can do is wait until he's comfortable explaining it. They could have done
anything to him."
"And?"
"...Your hair changed color because you're part demon. Kokari now has a black
streak in his hair. The color will go away if you drink blood, but Kokari's...
won't go away."
"Why won't they go away?" I demanded, observing the bandage he had on his
forehead. He had wandered out to retrieve it. Leaving the room was dangerous.
Ryo couldn't even teach at school that day. We didn't attend, of course.
"It means Kokari is a full demon. I don't know if you remember, but ten years
ago... there was a boy named Aruki. He had those brown streaks in his hair,
right? We had to put him in containment because he was killing everyone...
that's what demons do. They can visit another realm, as well. Demons kill
without wanting to, because they get taken over at random times. He might kill
you."
"Kokari wouldn't kill me... even if he tries, I won't care. I'd let him kill me
because he's Kokari."
"Do you want to die?"
"Wanting to die is pointless. There's no point in wanting to die, it's only a
cry for help. I know people who go 'no one loves me' and kill themselves, even
though they have friends. Does that make sense? No, none of it does... Kokari
is my friend, I wouldn't want to die while he's still around. I'll live to get
out of here and tell what went on."
"That's the spirit. I was allowed to leave the building, but now they don't
trust me... figures, since I was trying to help you two... in the end, I have
no one to rely on, haha."
"Could it be you're suicidal, Ryo?"
When he didn't reply, I took it as confirmation... until he added, "I know,
it's pointless and pitiful. I'm tired of staying here and watching kids die on
me."
"Sora may be gone and Kou may have betrayed you... but there's still us! You'd
be abandoning us and letting us down if you died now, Ryo. You're important to
me, so does it matter? There were times when I thought you had betrayed us,
but... we'll trust you."
"You two are like my kids, after all this time. I'll live on for you two, even
if I have to live with depression."
"You could earn their trust back and leave, then call the police and
authorities about this place. You can do it, Ryo. I think you can."
"Come on, you're embarrassing... I can't do that much, you know," he sighed,
rubbing his neck.
"You can."
"It takes forever to gain their trust back... I was sent to kill a kid and I
shot another guy on accident, it took months for them to forget about it. With
Kou ordering everyone around, I probably won't live to see another week or
month."
"If you think like that, odds won't work against you. You could sneak out,
even."
"They'll persecute me if I try that."
"Kokari and I can be assassins. We can kill them. We can kill Kou and-"
"No, don't kill my son. If they know you two are killing, they'll put you in
containment and kill you. It's what happened to the other demon."
"Do you think there's no chance for us?"
"No, it's just that they... know everything I'm up to. They watch me, even when
I leave. If I could discreetly sneak a note in and hand it to an officer, it
may work. No matter what, I won't let them take Kokari back there again."
"I feel the same way! We'll get out of this hell hole, I'll publish my 'not
trashy' books and we'll get money to build a house... Kokari and I," I
concluded.
"Unlike you two, I can't hide here forever. Keep the door blocked, I'll give
you guys food. Any requests?"
"...Fattening food. Hamburgers, ice cream, french fries, chips, cookies,
buttery popcorn, donuts, pizza, soda!"
"You sure want a party tonight, huh? Is it because Kokari is in this daze?"
"Yes. Bring me a new journal? Bring grilled cheese for him, too."
"Alright. I'll come back in a few minutes."
As he stood up off the bed, I hugged him, feeling a sense of comfort in
smelling the strong scent of aftershave. He always smelled great.
I walked him to the door, opening it for him and quickly shutting it, sliding
the dresser in the way again. Kokari was in the same position, uncaring about
all the things I ordered without his agreement.
Lying down on his bed, face against his side, I started to drift off.
"Goodnight."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I shot up, staring at the clock and doing a double take. 7:28 and Ryo hadn't
come in? 7:28, an hour past when we had last talked... and the food was
nowhere!
"Where is Ryo? Where is he?" I shouted. Kokari was still wide awake beside me,
trembling this time. "Do you know?"
"I know...."
"What happened to Ryo? Did he come in?"
"He came in... I don't know what happened after that... I saw him dead on the
floor... it was suffocation," he replied, voice cracking. I noticed dried blood
on his fingers.
"YOU KILLED RYO! WHAT THE FUCK? YOU BASTARD! YOU MONSTER, YOU... I HATE YOU! I
hate you, I hate you... you kill everyone I care about... you kill- ah!" I
screeched, surprised as he jumped on me, hands on either side of my head as he
loomed above me. There was malice, only malice. He went from having no emotions
to feeling... malice. "What are you doing to me?"
He traced a finger against my neck, eyes wide in a fucked up form of
excitement, a form of stimulation. Wildly, those hands were around my skin,
restricting breath from leaving me and keeping me beneath him. It was the
predator against the prey, the helpless, defenseless prey....
"Kkah... oh...." I choked out, wanting to say 'let go', chest convulsing as he
squeezed harder, torturing me with the only method he knew how to use.
With crazy eyes flashing bright green, he laughed, a cruel and deranged series
of extreme happiness slipping out of his thin lips. Tears escaped from the
corners of those eyes, one after another.
I wanted to hate him, really wanted to despise him... but my body reacted to
his maniacal, ballistic action. A crying Kokari was an endangered species. To
see it... made me hard. Kokari never laughed that hard, either.
Feeling winded and light headed like I had felt around twice that day, I saw
his lips form a scowl, instead. It looked like he was the one being tortured, a
horrendous frown lining his face as he sobbed, hands losing their tact. When I
was released from his iron hold, I gasped and pulled air inside my lungs,
forcing my body forward and slapping him in the face. His demon did it. It
wasn't Kokari, he wouldn't do that.
"You can never love me."
The words he spoke wrung my heart out, made it lose its rhythm. I felt
something akin to sympathy.
Our only other friend was gone. Our only means of escaping was... annihilated.
***** Wrecked (Joke's On You) *****
Chapter Summary
     Acknowledge it.
     The freedom you have, temporarily.
Chapter 5 ~ Wrecked (Joke’s On You)
All the security between us had disappeared. As the days went by, the black
hair began falling out and my red hair began growing back in... but Kokari's
hair stayed streaked black. The only movement I made was to go to the bathroom,
retrieve food, and write in my journal. Kokari stayed on his bed, staring at
the wall most of the time. He didn't snap at me for eating what I wanted. I
started to gain weight, little by little.
"...do you think the idea's any good? Well, Kokari?" I asked, laughing a little
as I talked to myself again. He never reacted to my words. A blanket of silence
had fallen upon us, separating us. Our door had been broken through...
literally. It had been hammered through, wood breaking into pieces and falling
in the entryway as the staff tried getting us out. It happened just the day
before. That was the only time Kokari helped me with anything.
They didn't get inside. The tall dresser was in the way, and we stacked our
table on top of it... we ate on our beds, away from each other. He didn't even
want to look at me. I was a latchkey kid, always wanting his attention... even
after he killed Ryo.
I stopped noticing the bugs. More like... they didn't matter to me. They were
only there. Maybe it was pointless to react to them because I knew he wouldn't
help me. Instead, more and more moths flitted about the room, silverfish raided
the bathroom... our room was a mess.
We stopped showering together. For Kokari and I, it had always been a normal
phenomenon to shower together, or at least stay in the bathroom together.
Instead, we were apart... and I panicked, but I didn't want him to know. I
couldn't tell him because he wouldn't care.
I wrote and wrote, right hand working tirelessly as ink scribbled across the
page, forming stories that were about cruelty, abuse, broken hearts, rape,
sexual violence, and pedophilia. They all ended the same way, in the worst
possible way. I wrote about my disgusting fetishes, I wrote about male
impregnation and abortion, I wrote about stalkers and child abuse... I based a
whole story on a boy experimenting on and tormenting his own dad. While my
prior stories reflected some of my own cold-heartedness, those stories acted
like I had no heart inside me at all. No one deserved a happy ending.
"See, this one's about everyone in the hall turning into zombies... and we're
the only ones left who aren't infected, isn't that neat? We're going to die if
they get us, haha...."
I glanced over at him, scratching the terribly itchy mosquito bites on my neck
and laughing, because I was probably losing my sanity more than I thought. They
were going to come inside and kill me, then take him away. If only they were
zombies.
"...Do you want to go to the party?"
It had to be fake, it had to be. I was going crazy, losing every ounce of
myself that had rationality....
"Par...ty?"
"So you've turned dumb? The party downstairs."
I jumped up, scrambling on to his bed and getting in front of his face, staring
at him to make sure he was actually talking to me. He looked bored, but at the
same time... possessed.
"Wait, wait, wait, that party? The one with alcohol and things?"
"It's our birthday."
Kokari and I shared the same birthday. That and... the party place only opened
like... once a month. It was for teens. In the asylum, 14-year-olds were
allowed to drink. We turned 14 that day.
"Is this real? Are you talking to me?" I pressed, hands reaching for his face.
He slapped them away, a Kokari-like reaction.
"...Happy birthday."
"Happy birthday," I breathed out, thinking it wasn't too wrong to kiss him at
that moment, those full lips that begged to be touched. I had feelings for him.
"Why were you ignoring me...?"
"I was asleep."
"Asleep? What?"
"I wake up when your anxiety level rises, I can sense it... maybe it is because
I am a demon now. I go to the demon realm when I fall asleep. There are people
there that... live in the outside world. I was seeking help."
"Is someone going to help? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"Yes, someone is going to help us. I apologize."
"When did you get so formal? Oh, but I kind of like it."
"I don't like this," he commented dryly, poking the layer of stomach flab that
had developed.
"It's my body, not yours."
"Yes, it is... are you coming?"
"If we go down there, they'll catch us! The fucking door is gone!"
"I know how to take it all down. They won't catch us. Staff members aren't
allowed in the party, so if we sneak... they won't get us," he stated, voice
firm and strong. I had to admit I was excited, wanting to feel intoxication for
the first time.
"But your leg...."
"It's... healed already."
"What?"
"If only I knew how to take it off. Becoming a demon made it heal, somehow. My
senses have heightened, as well as my healing ability."
"That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard."
"Your eyes are red again... but mine are ugly."
His eyes had transformed from being bright green to being a murky, foggy gray.
He was still Kokari in my eyes. He was still himself.
"They are not," I pouted.
"Yes, they are. I like the zombie story... that one has potential."
"The one where zombies attack the insane asylum?"
"Yes. Who knows what they're working on? They turned me into this... thing.
They could have finished you off and turned you into a full demon, but
thankfully they didn't."
"Let's go," I said, taking hold of his cold hand.
"Somehow, I feel like this is the last time I'll be holding this hand."
"Don't say scary things!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We were watched, speculated. I saw that man with the pretty face in the
distance, the only bartender working there. He seemed to enjoy that job way
better. Groups of three surrounded Kokari and me. Groups of three or more...
they were always killed first, before groups of two. Adding another friend to
our group would mean death.
"Why do you keep looking over there?" Kokari questioned, hand full of a can of
beer. His words were slurred, his eyes were narrowed, and he was tipsy. I had
only tasted a shot, and it wasn't that great. He kept drinking and drinking.
"Nothing, just checking to see if I'm attracted to anyone else. He's pretty,
but you're my type."
"You write about... old guys... a lot. Are you into old guys?" he chuckled,
hands caressing my shirt, keeping me close. The music was deafening, the bass
was thumping, the lights were as bright as that single light in the
experimentation room... it was unpleasant, but he was having fun.
"No, I'm into younger boys," I admitted. Kokari wouldn't remember anything I
said, he was too drunk.
"Younger boys... so Ryo had no chance?" he grunted, leading the drink to his
mouth and having it spill down his chin.
"Ryo had no chance," I agreed.
"Me... into y'ung and ooold!"
"Haven't you had enough? I'll take it and throw it awa-" I sighed, gasping as
he grinded his crotch against mine, a daring look flashing in his eyes. He was
the horny drunk? Shit!
"Losin' my anal virginity tuh yooooou t'night...."
I thought he'd be more stoic, maybe a tsundere drunk, but no. He wanted to go
at it. He wanted my dick.
"Let's bring you back to the room and get you some water," I laughed, flustered
as those around us glanced over eagerly.
"Bring m' back and... fuuuuck meeee...."
"Not right now, okay?"
"M'kay... soon."
I pulled on his arm, resisting against the ecstatic crowd of hormonal, sweaty
teens. It was as if I could see everyone's lifespans... they all shared the
same number.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rubbing a washcloth against his forehead, I asked him how he felt.
"My stomach...." he trailed off, groaning and reaching for me. I prioritized
the sweat running along his body over his want for me. If I so much as sat down
beside him, he'd probably throw up on me.
"Easy, easy."
While he held a hand against his mouth and a panicked look went across his
face, I prodded the trash can against his side, making sure he hit the inside
of it instead of my hand or something.
"You heal quickly, but you don't get sober quickly? You're funny, Kokari."
"Now, here...."
"I wonder if that guy put aphrodisiacs in your drink. You were sober enough to
get through the doorway and put everything back in place, haha...."
"Pleeeeeease," he whimpered.
"If we have sex and get in trouble, it's on you."
"I'll be quiet."
"You'd better."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Shunchou! Shunchou, wake the fuck up! Get up!"
The fuck... Kokari never cursed....
"Mm, two more hours."
"Get up right now!"
I was pushed off the bed, awaken by my own fall. I wanted to look up and yell
at him, but he was moving everything at the doorway before I could react.
"Kokari? What's wrong?"
"We're leaving. We're leaving right now, no time for talking. There's
radioactive waste, they're dumping it on this building. We have to move."
He didn't get hangovers, apparently. Hangovers were irrelevant.
"Radioactive fucking waste? How are we going to get out?!"
"We run. I'll hurt them, you can pick the lock... we're getting out of here and
not busting our asses on the way. They're going to kill everyone. They're
crazy."
"You can run in that thing?" I asked, pointing at his cast.
"Fortunately."
"Our things...."
I scrambled around the room, collecting all my notebooks and some coloring
books that Kokari cared for. As the doorway was freed of the table and the
dresser (he was strong!), I maneuvered over and ran behind him, watching as
staff and guards came tumbling through the hallway towards us, some chasing us
from behind. I clutched all the items in one arm and swung my other one as I
stumbled forward the best I could, head spinning with delirium and visions of
my characters, a silver-haired, green-eyed boy popping into focus in the depths
of my mind. He was so pretty, so short and small....
Shoving one of the ladies and laughing as she fell, I watched in amazement as
Kokari held on to a guard and sank his teeth... or fangs... into the guy's
neck, paralyzing him on the spot. As my shirt was yanked on from behind, I
instinctively screamed that high-pitched scream and slapped the hand away,
following after the slightly taller boy, who staggered despite the fact that
his leg "wasn't broken". Did he lie to me...?
Wrapping an arm around his neck, we passed by the art room and the laughing
room, the rooms that had been deserted for a while. There was an alarming voice
behind us.
"Leaving so soon? Stay for the main attraction."
The voice riled me up, grinded my gears... the soft but intimidating voice, the
voice of Sora and Ryo mixed. He was cruel.
"Main attraction?" I sneered, turning back, only to glower at the sight of him.
"When everyone dies... don't you want to hear the children screaming in agony?
It really hits me hard. No, I should say it gets me hard, that's better
phrasing...."
"You sadist!"
"You're the one who writes ero guro. You draw it, too, don't you? You won't let
anyone see your things because they'll call you disgusting. Get out of here, go
to school, let someone see, and see what happens from there."
"The funny thing is... a lot of writers out there have disturbing pasts... or
have social issues. I write about those things because I'm used to being around
shit. People bully each other because they've been bullied, themselves. It's a
chain reaction. Put someone near dogs and they'll love dogs, not cats. Put me
near... insanity and... you get insanity in return. Why can't people understand
logic?" I asked, stepping forward.
"Logic is irrelevant. No one is listening to your statements. No one cares
about those things. You're going to be called the disturbed child all your
life, are you sure you even want to go out there? People judge creeps like you.
The police will put you in another asylum eventually, killer."
"Killer? I may have killed, but at least I'm not you. You're the worst person
I've ever met. I don't care what they say, as long as I have Kokari, I'll be
fine. I'll put my words into writing. I'll tell people they're wrong. No one
can think correctly. 'I was bullied, so I'll do it to someone else!', my ass.
If you're like me, you move on. I'll move on from this place. You're going to
kill yourself in radioactive waste, do it. I'm not going down with you!"
"That's some clichéd talk right there. Go live on the streets, no one wants
secondhand garbage that's been used and looks like shit."
"...Why didn't you stop moving when I screamed? I just realized it...."
"Figure it out your damn self. Get out of here, I'm done. I'll get out and find
you... in the meantime, stop clinging to Kokari. Stop being a pussy and admit
the fact that you're still a child."
"A child?!" I shouted, aiming for his face again. For the second time, Kokari
grabbed me back... if it was only the second time, why did I feel like I had
done it multiple times?
While Kou laughed and turned around, I felt like our talk was extremely
pointless. He was letting us go? Letting us go... after the years of
imprisonment?
"Why are you letting us go?"
"This place is going to be demolished, everyone is going to die... I don't want
you dying here in such a pathetic way. I'll kill you with my own hands, torture
you worse than you've ever been tortured... I'll find you after you leave. I'm
surprised your friend knew what was going on. It looks like he... really is the
ultimate creation."
His words brought chilliness to the area around my skin, burrowing into my
flesh, but I couldn't ask anything else. Kou vanished.
"It's here. Open the door and run."
Standing before the door we had always been forbidden to go near, an alarm went
off behind us, the hallway flashing dark red and causing difficulty for me to
pick the lock. They had terrible lighting, did they have to make it even
darker?
"They're going to start coming. We don't have time."
"I'm trying, okay? Get ready to run with me!"
"...I can't."
"You can't? I won't undo this if you don't go with me!"
"No one would want to pick up two kids and take care of them. Maybe they'd be
okay with one. There are other reasons I can't be with you. I'll see you
again."
"But you told me you loved me... why did you do that, what point was there? You
should have done it years ago! You tell me you love me and leave me days
later... you make no sense, Kokari! You know what will happen if you don't go
with me," I blubbered, setting my face against the door.
"Shunchou, do the lock right now. Quit being a baby. Don't treat this like your
bugs."
"A baby? I don't find you funny!"
"I'm tired of this. Open the damn door."
Make me.
I pushed my fingernail inside the center of the lock, turning it and yanking
the nail backwards, tearing it and causing blood to fall. I grabbed the lock
with my other hand, holding it in my palm and opening the door quickly, looking
back to see him biting a guard.
Goodbye, Kokari.
Slipping out, I propped the door open, clasped the lock back into place, and
slammed it shut, wincing at the pain my finger brought me. I never tried it
before, but it worked.
I heard him banging on the door, angrily pleading with me, voice strangled and
loud.
I wasn't a baby. I could be cruel, too. I could be heartless and... he didn't
need me, anyway. I wasn't necessary.
Irrelevant. I hated that word.
The ball in the sky was even more harmful than the bright light Ryo shined on
me. I sprinted forward, feet sizzling and burning against the baked asphalt. It
was the sun's fault. It was the world's fault.
I didn't look back. I didn't give in to the pain. I held my notebooks close
and... stared at the black and white cars with red sirens. A man rustled out of
a car door and trotted up to me.
"Are there people in there?" he pressed, voice quick and deep.
When I didn't reply, he repeated the question in broken English, instead of
Japanese. Did he think I was that stupid?
"Don't look. There's nothing but bad memories... nothing but-"
"Did you escape? How did you get out? Do you mind getting in the car and
answering our questions? Are you okay with providing those notebooks as
evidence of this occurrence?"
Offended he interrupted me and asked me such things, I held my objects tighter
and looked off to the side. Twenty meters... there was a forest, and I couldn't
see the end to it. Perfection.
"What I say is irrelevant and I'm garbage. Sorry, go ask someone else," I spat,
"and go shave that beard, it makes you look like an old man."
He almost fastened his hand on my arm, almost. I was tired of it all. I didn't
want to be touched ever again. Those men looked like liars.
I felt it from deep within, the shock, the longing to be near my comfort
source. I nearly dropped the notebooks, arms feeling numb. I was aware of the
fact that I was shaking insanely quick, aware of the fact that my body was
going into unwilling shock. The man was kind enough to retract his arm, sensing
the paranoia I was going through.
Heart racing and finding it hard to breathe, I got ready to fall. Instead, the
fall didn't arrive, but two lips against the back of my neck... did. With the
gentle touch, I received an ounce of reassurance.
Swiveling around, the one I desired to see... was not there. It was wistful
thinking, thinking he'd be there, thinking he'd touch me after I did that to
him. It had to be a ghost... but somehow, I wasn't panicking anymore.
The police opened the door to the asylum, investigating inside while wearing
strange suits. The officer who had been behind me was still in place.
"Let him know I hope he... lives on."
Even though he was confused, my words made perfect sense to me. Even though my
writing made sense to me, it made little sense to others who could not see the
underlying concepts and logic.
I had to live for me.
I let my legs move me, head thrumming a tune as I surged my feet through the
wet grass, collecting crud between my dirty toes. The pain never ceased... I
was always feeling pain from some body part.
Right, I hurt my fingernail... I had completely forgotten.
***** Incomplete *****
Chapter Summary
     Oh, look. It's Ritemo.
Chapter Notes
     I know it's a bit more sexual than it was, but bear with me.
Chapter 6 ~ Incomplete
I was pushed down, kicked and beaten, thinking only that I was grateful they
weren't adults. Kids were merciless, nevertheless.
"He has black and red hair, the emo kid! It's a foreigner! Speak another
language for us! Haha, he probably writes about gay sex or something...."
One of them bent down and nabbed a notebook from underneath my arm. That was
where they drew the line. I did not mind if I was called a foreigner, for as
far as I knew... my dad was born somewhere else. I didn't know much about my
parents at all. I had no information concerning my mom.
Screaming, I pulled his arm down and slammed him to the ground, shocked at what
strength I had used with only one limb. I crawled over, feet pounding on my
back as I dug my teeth into his arm, biting and drawing disgusting blood, the
tangy taste leaving me to gag.
They called me freaks, but I had to do it so that my eyes would change back to
red. They called me an anorexic emo foreigner... not knowing what I had been
through at all.
The boy beside me yelled, arm spewing blood, the rosy liquid running down and
streaking the grass a little. "Vampire! Fucking vampire!"
I watched them disperse, all of them trying to help the boy. I took the time to
grab my notebook back, slowly standing... and running again, a thorn bush
pricking my arms and legs and causing even more pain. My day was just fine.
I moved behind a tree, breathing a bit before walking forward, a road spread
out before me. Ryo had described what the outside world looked like in class.
We had a lesson on it. He described the different cars, the towns, what the
houses looked like... everything. I had no money to give anyone for housing. I
had nothing but my notebooks. There was no money for food, either....
Those on the sidewalk stared, some having eyes that lingered. I was not a
pretty sight, damaged all over, dirty, and wearing my school uniform. I had
worn it to bed.
Someone approached, a stylish guy with great fashion sense, light brown hair
messy and adorning a rather attractive face.
"Are you lost?"
"I can't... I have nothing, I can't go anywhere."
"Where did you come from? You look hurt."
Wasn't that obvious?
"It's not important. Do you know if I could stay somewhere?"
"First of all, you need a new shirt, it's all cut up. Second of all, you need
shoes. Thirdly, you need some food. Then we'll worry about that."
"Yeah, I guess so. You aren't going to take me somewhere and... trick me, are
you? I'm fucking sick of it."
He stared at me, just stared, observed.
"Do you have family?"
"...No, is that a problem?"
"This happened to me fifty years ago. I came out here and no one helped me, so
I lived off the streets... and a lady found me. I can take you to that
orphanage. Her last kid was taken in by a family, so there's no one but her
there."
"F-Fifty years ago? You look so young! What... I thought you were twenty! Are
you saying you understand something?"
"My son... he's a genius. I'm a builder, you see. I built the building my
business is in. I haven't aged since that building was built. He told me to
make an extra room, an empty one... and said it would work. I thought it was
nothing, but he was right. I had him when I was forty-six."
"Forty-six... how old is he?"
"Fourteen. You came from that building, too?"
A boy my age... we could talk. We could become friends. No. No, he would find
me to be a creep... shit, did that guy say he went to the asylum?
"That building?"
"The tall white one."
"You know... about it?"
"It was built sixty years ago. I was a test subject there, from the moment I
was born, taken in because it was the grand opening and they didn't want older
kids. I stayed until I was ten; it was in the contract my parents signed. They
wanted to find a cure for some disease that's still going around, as they said.
My parents thought it would be okay to send me there for ten years since it was
a "good cause.” They never did anything worthwhile. They created a new disease,
implanted it in a kid, spread it around the building... I was so afraid of
getting it. This isn't about my life, you shouldn't care about that little
story. Let's go."
"Why... hasn't it been taken down?" I asked, glancing at the people walking by.
"No one believes kids or teens. It traumatized me. If I tell what happened...
no one will believe it."
"But you're an adult now, shouldn't they believe you?"
"They got rid of all evidence of names. There was no official list of the names
of kids taken in. They burned them all. There's no proof I was even at that
place. Contracts were burned, as well. Even if they questioned my parents, they
were silenced by money. It's all about money, ya see. Say you got raped and the
police'll believe you. Talk about that place and they'll think you're spouting
nonsense. Some kids were hypnotized and forgot all about the place before they
were sent home, others-"
"You had a contract saying you could leave at age ten. What about me? There
were teenagers there!"
"All murderers are sent there, sentenced to life. It's different now. They said
my kid would be a murderer... but I refused to let him be taken there. It took
a lot of work for them to finally tell me it was okay for him to be taken home,
instead."
"Is he a murderer? Are those wristbands really true?"
When babies were born, wristbands were slapped on... indicating whether or not
they would kill in the future. Technology was amazing.
"Not a murderer. He's different, though. He's obsessed with his sisters."
"Obsessed?"
"...This isn't the place to talk about it. They're closer than siblings should
be...."
"Oh.... Oh. What is his IQ?"
"You just like it when I talk about him, don't you? 183, last time we checked."
"183! They put drugs in us to make us smarter, but mine's not even that high.
The average person would go on and on, rambling about what they went through,
but me... I try to find sources of entertainment in bad times. Like-"
Kokari.
"Understandable. I'll show you around and drop you off at her place. She's a
great person who took care of me."
"An old lady?"
"She may be old, but she doesn't have arthritis or anything. She's a runner."
"Oh... the healthy old lady type."
"Sure."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the door shut behind me and I knew I would never see him again, everything
messed with my mind. All that happened in one day. I wouldn't see Kokari again.
I was part demon. I was a killer. I had nothing but my notebooks. That guy
approached me... and it was a miracle that he just so happened to know what was
going on.
The old lady... was most definitely not a lady. If she were a lady, she would
have breasts, or a female physique. In front of me was a transvestite male who
wore female clothing.
"He... or she?" I inquired.
"She."
I understood it. I knew there were incomplete people, people who wanted to be
the other gender or dress differently, people born differently than others
expected, people with deformities. Ryo had a transgender friend and had talked
about them quite a bit in the past. Weren't transvestites... transgender people
who weren't okay to go through surgery to either get breasts or get rid of
them? In one scenario. Why couldn't men wear female clothing?
She definitely looked healthy. She didn't have a wrinkled face or frown lines,
and she wasn't trembling due to unhealthy bones. She was fine.
"How long will I stay here?"
"Two weeks maximum. You'll be out the door before you know it."
"This one's got dementophobia and entomophobia. Go easy on the boy."
As that man's words rang in my head, I felt a sense of sadness wash through.
"Who would want me?"
"Any sane person wants a cute boy like you!"
Homosexual... afraid of society... so he dressed like a female, was that the
reason? No, I couldn't understand... wait, why did I attract the different
people?
"...Really."
"There's a family on my list. They've been wanting another child for years, any
gender, any kid. You're the only one I have to offer now, they'll definitely
take you."
"Do I have to wait, then? Can't they pick me up?"
"They live far away, I'm not sure they'd pick you up that soon."
Kokari and I would really be separated.
"If I'm gone before another boy, one named Kokari, happens to come here... will
you contact the family and tell me?"
"Yes. Is he a friend?"
"If you consider him to be."
"Shouldn't you consider him to be your friend?"
"I can't make decisions... what I do doesn't count in this world. I'm just a
lonely voice."
Nothing was right. Nothing was left. Nothing was left for me, and that was the
answer I was given. Maybe I expected sympathy, maybe a pat on the back...
wasn't that a weak thought? Everyone wanted others to feel sympathetic for
them. Humans boasted to others and expected a "wow, good for you" in response.
Humans hurt themselves and expected "are you okay?" in response. Human children
sat down at tables and expected dinner... to arrive. Humans were expectant
creatures. Humans were needy, containing lots of emotions and feelings... none
of it made sense. Nothing made sense in my head.
"Well... sit down and I'll make you some tea. There isn't much here."
That was an understatement. It was a run down wooden shed, dust littered about,
cobwebs lining the walls and the visible kitchen... hazardously. The door had a
thick, empty space on one side, void of wood, and no doorknob.
What did she have for me, bread and water?
I shifted about, making sure she went into the dirtiest room before pressing
down on the top of my pen, letting it click and engrave my paper, soil it with
words of putrid thoughts and horrible sex.
It was a habit to read it aloud to Kokari. It was a habit to have it judged, in
return. I ran my tongue against my parched, cracked lips before letting my
voice squeak out.
"There is but naught great about you, mundane boy. Dare jeer at me and in
return, the finest scowl shall be sought. Come, come, tease the life from me.
You shan't take the ripest emotion you compete for. You... what is that?" I
asked, scared at the utter masterpiece she bestowed to me.
By masterpiece, I meant a scrap of hardtack. How refined.
"I was moved by your story and gave you extra. Why do you sound so
disappointed?"
"...Extra?"
"I haven't gone shopping in weeks, I always forget. I eat sesos."
"What's that?"
"Cow brain."
"You want to make me throw up? Where do you find this stuff?"
"It's a secret!"
I felt splitting pain rip up my arm, throbbing and hot, aching and exploding. I
wanted to go to sleep and not wake up, just to end all the painfulness... all
the craziness.
"Are you okay? Are you- Shunchou?!"
Darkness enveloped my world, endorsing the pain and bringing it with me... a
head-hitting-the-floor blackout ensuing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I awoke, there was other food waiting for me, better food. There was
juice, too. It looked yellow, like a peachy and orange color. That was my
favorite drink....
I clasped the blanket I was given into my fist, the deep blue one that was
supposed to bring calmness. The color blue was psychologically supposed to be
calming. At that time, all it did was anger me.
Heart racing and knowing I would have another panic attack, I breathed in and
out slowly, briefly lusting after Kokari as his face roused in my mind. How
animalistic was sex. Quite literally animalistic.
"They're here for you, Shunchou."
"Here? Who...?"
"You were asleep for two days. I was almost going to take you to the hospital,
but you woke up."
Taking my notebooks and pen, I gazed out the chunk in the door to see heavy
rain rushing to the Earth's surface, causing drear for every queer. I broke
down the curtain of depression that had embraced me, accepting the very shikata
ga nai situation.
"Do you do background checks...? Will they abuse me?"
"I do background checks. They're good people. Her husband has infertility, but
they'd like another child... any age, too. They're waiting outside."
"I didn't get to know you long... but thank you for trying to help."
"Trying? Didn't I help?" she joked.
"Yeah, fine."
As I stood up, I almost toppled over, legs denying movement. She came over and
assisted me, pulling me over to the door by the hand and taking me outside,
where the rain soaked my clothes and caused blotchy patches of blackness along
the sidewalk.
Everything was imperfect, since the very day I was born and abandoned to that
place. I should have felt glad that another family actually cared about me and
wanted me, just a little glad. It was rather the opposite, worry strangling me
and butterflies becoming jittery in my stomach.
There was a man, roughly in his forties, with black hair streaked back and a
business suit on. There was a lady, probably a little younger than him, with
long brown hair and a casual floral dress on.
There was a boy my age, with brown hair, brown eyes, and an angry face. He was
dressed in a white shirt and black pants.
"Why do you want another son, Mom? Am I not enough?" the boy asked as his
parents held my hand and led us through the bickering rain.
"That isn't it, Shizuki. It's that I feel bad for him. How would you feel if
you had to spend thirteen years of your life in a crazy asylum and the past
couple days in this place?" she murmured.
"It's obviously because his mom didn't love him. You shouldn't, either. Can't
you see why she doesn't? There's something off about him. I hate him!" he
protested, stubbornly running ahead, trouble stirring.
So, there was background information about me, too....
When he fell in the muddy water, I couldn't help but laugh. Laugh... because it
was the wrong thing to do. It was cruel.
He was... very attractive, definitely. He already hated me, but I could tell
from his eyes that he was the type to keep secrets. He had the look in his eyes
that Kokari used to have, when he came up with all sorts of ideas to get out
and escape. He wasn't bad looking... and from what I could see, he sported a
fairly sizable crotch. Hopefully it was more scanty compared to Kokari's.
"You're not being nice," his mom- er, my mom- sighed.
"Just look at him! I hate seeing skeleton kids who think they're too fat so
they stop eating. He looks like a crazy chainsaw killer! He has hair the color
of blood, his neck is dotted with kiss marks, and his breath smells like salty
ramen."
"Salty... ramen," I laughed, flinching when he tried to hit me on the arm. He
glared, but the look faltered. He was no threat.
"You don't know what he's been through before now, so shush yourself," Mom
chided.
"Kiss marks...?" Dad went on, glancing over at the side of my neck as I
instinctively covered the hickeys. "A lover?"
"...Not a lover, he was annoying... whoops."
Realizing I had revealed it to be male, they all stared immediately. Were
Japanese people really so... not used to it? Was it uncommon?
"Did he do it against your will?" Mom asked.
"No, it was mutual."
I felt sort of amused how Shizuki didn't remark on it. He didn't have anything
bad to say about gay people.
"So that kind of relationship."
"Did you love him?" Shizuki pressed, stripping his glove off and offering it to
me. He genuinely cared, he just didn't want to show it. I wasn't going to mess
around and tease him.
"Yes."
"See, Mom! He should go back because he left that guy! We're stealing him-"
"I left him, myself. I leave all annoying things behind. I left everything
behind."
"If you love someone, you should never want to leave them... probably. I don't
understand love. I've never felt attraction for anyone,” Shizuki mumbled.
"A friend told me that kids my age in the outside world... get into
relationships and drop each other every week, maybe every month, until high
school, when they start to take things seriously. I see no purpose in that,
it's a waste of time. I've been with him all my life, so it was natural to
develop feelings for him. I needed a reason to not miss him. If he hates me...
he won't want to see me anymore, and in return, I won't want to see him because
I know he'll yell at me."
"I think I get it. Wait, don't tell me you two did other things-?"
I nodded, suddenly embarrassed. Embarrassment was one of the better feelings to
have, proving I was somewhat human. Then again, being human was a bad thing.
Humans were cruel. Humans only desired contact with each other, with their
surroundings... it wasn't fascinating at all.
"But you're my age! I wouldn't do that...."
"It's not like he could get pregnant. Besides, babies are allowed to get
developed at roughly 12 years into the female lifespan. Why wait 8 or more
years? At the asylum, it was different. They could have had babies together,
any male and female, because the staff would have taken care of the babies.
Here, kids worry about school, their parents, bills, and all sorts of things.
So many pointless things...."
"The way you think is too weird. What are you into?"
"Into? Drawing, writing smut, sex, eating, talking, age gaps, incest,
pedophilia, PDA, younger boys, girly boys, muscular guys-"
"You're such a weirdo! I bet you have some crazy fetish, too."
"...I'm interested in legs...."
"I guess that isn't so bad. You could have said feet or something. Haha, who's
into feet, anyway? What's so good about feet? Those weirdos...." he trailed
off, clearly stressing the topic. He was into feet, wasn't he? "Oh, and feces,
that's disgusting!" And... feces, too?
"In that way, humans are interesting."
"What do you write about?"
"All the things I mentioned and more."
"Is writing your only skill?" he rambled on, standing closer to me as he lost
interest in arguing and making fun of me. He was two-sided in a good way,
unlike Kokari, who... tried to strangle me.
"So far. I do want to make my own dating sim some day."
"It'd be cool to put your stories into plots for dating sims! Did you watch
anime, too?"
"Sometimes. I love it all."
"Favorite food?"
"I like Japanese food and spaghetti...."
"Japanese food? You've eaten other stuff?"
"French, German, American, Canadian, African, Chinese, Korean, Mexican... name
it, I've eaten it."
"Sounds like a great place, I want to eat that stuff."
A great place, huh? What a great place, if only it weren't for the fact that we
were trapped there for a long time and tested on without knowing it.
"You two, come back!"
We didn't realize we had walked too far ahead, past the car, due to our talking
fest. Shizuki was arousing and oddly cute. Not shota level cute, more like...
Shinji Ikari level cute?
My hand was warmed by his kindness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"This is my room! You can sleep on my floor-"
"No, he's not sleeping on the floor. For now, you can sleep in the guest
bedroom, Shunchou. Is that okay with you? We'll get it renovated and designed
how you like in no time," Dad stated.
"That's fine. I'm used to eating at 7... when do you eat?"
"Oh, around 7!"
"That's good... do you have any clothes?"
"You can use mine. You have to make a lot, Dad, he's borderline anorexic here."
Somehow, he was pissing me off with the snide comments. It wasn't my fault
Kokari was obsessed with skinny people. It was a fetish of his, or something.
"I'll get the bath ready for you two."
As he left the room, Shizuki looked at me like he was intoxicated by my
presence. He held his arms together, hands pressed against his lap as his dark
gray shirt hung low, revealing slightly tanned, perfect skin. I wanted skin
that wasn't flawed, too.
"Where are you even looking? For breasts? I'm not a girl!"
He didn't have dry humor like Kokari. He was funny to mess with, at least.
Kokari always loved messing with me. I felt a little closer to him.
"You act like one."
"Hey! U-Uh... do you actually have an eating problem? I'm really against skinny
people, so...."
Wait, against really skinny people? He and Kokari were opposites!
"No, that guy was obsessed with me being skinny, so he didn't want me eating
much."
"That's creepy. I like fat. Chubbiness is... delicious."
"Delicious? That is creepy."
"I just want to eat people up when they're chubby, I find it really attractive.
I could draw what I'm attracted to, if you want."
I licked my lips, mind oversexualizing the tent in his shorts. Shizuki wasn't
chubby, but he liked chubby people. Did he like males or females?
"You probably suck at drawing. Describe it."
"That was mean. Maybe I won't."
"Describe them~," I sang. He gave me a look of utter distastefulness.
"A shorter person... with a muffintop, a little flab when they sit down but
flab that isn't too visible when they stand up... they have to be slutty," he
portrayed.
"'Person'? Slutty? You're the weird one."
"I've never felt attraction because middle school love doesn't appeal to me,
but if it had to be anyone, I think I'd be into guys. Short guys, like I
described. If it had to be a female, I'd go for normal-sized breasts, and she
can be average height."
"You like boys who sleep with other people?"
"Yeah. I want them to become so into our relationship that they stop doing it
in time, devoting themselves only to me... if I had sex, I'd be the type to get
really into it. I want my partner to be like that, too. We could be in sync."
"I bet you don't watch porn."
"Where did that come into the conversation?"
"All girls in porn are pretty much really skinny and have breast implants. You
haven't been exposed to the toxic porn society."
"I watch gay porn."
It was such a simple statement, it caught me off guard. He acted like it was
the same as telling the weather.
"At least you're open about it."
"You talked about being in an asylum... I know I shouldn't talk about it
because you're probably still scared of it, but what was so bad about the
place?"
"...I've written about it. Read my story, it's better described there."
"You're too formal."
"The one I loved was very formal."
"Loved? You don't want him now?"
"That isn't it... there's just an opportunity to start a new life now, so he's
become part of my past."
"What a sad thing. He's gone because he was a thing of the past. You aren't
devoted at all."
I was only devoted to my writing. I could become immersed in it, immersed in
characters and worlds I only wished to live in... I wished to be someone put
out of their misery, too... raped and killed harshly. I was sick of the
throbbing in my head. I was tired of everything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A rich smell held my body in an iron clasp, a smell so strong and pungent that
I wanted to tear my nose off and quit inhaling it. In the bath where it was
only the two of us, his male pheromones and hormones let off the most enticing
scent. I was simply yearning to see what was behind the knees he held against
his chest, the source of the smell.
The second smell mingled with the first one, a human body sitting in front of
me with veins pumping blood all inside the skin.
It was torture, every second of it. I willed myself to leave as soon as
possible, but his eyes kept me in place, shy and determined.
"If you're gay, you aren't into every guy, are you?" Shizuki questioned.
"No."
"Do you hate me?"
"No."
"Do you like me?"
"Yes."
"Do you think gay guys would find me attractive?"
"Yes."
"W-What? Seriously?"
It was hard to speak, hard to reply, hard to not give in. I wanted to smell him
all over, bite him and leave marks, drink his blood because it was carnal
instinct. I needed it.
"...Yes."
"You sounded uncertain, I caught that! It's amazing how you aren't embarrassed
at all, and we just met."
I caught his eyes directed toward my penis, which I just realized was hard as
fuck. Shit, was he saying those things because he thought I was hard since he
was there?
"Awkward boners suck! I think you could kill someone with that thing. Shunchou,
hello? Helloooo?! Aaaand he's gone."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's so big... I want it inside... look, I'll show you the spot you can
violate."
He slowly spread his legs apart, showing off a normal sized cock and a pink
anus. His hands moved, two fingers plunging inside the hole and stretching it.
"Make it fit... shove it in... ah, I want to cum just thinking about sex...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hot water was splashed in my face. I stopped daydreaming to see him right in
front of me, eyes about six inches away from mine. I reminded myself that
incest wasn't accepted in society, only in my mind.
"Shunchou? You know, your name is funny. It's a made-up name, it's really cool.
There are lots of Shizuki’s in the world and no other Shunchou but you."
It wasn't just Kokari, boys were really... really... my thing. Kokari was the
mysterious type, while Shizuki was the plain male protagonist type who could
never get a girlfriend. It was going to be legalized, the fact that we were
brothers.
Before then... before then, I had to do something.
I set my hand against his chin, entrapping him as I leaned forward too fast for
him to react, lips hotly pressed against his. Shizuki didn't pull back
immediately, but after a few seconds, he did.
"Why...? I'm not that other boy... I won't be your replacement, either."
"You aren't a replacement. I find you to be stimulating. It's an animal's
desire, you can't tame it. Everyone's a pervert. Everyone desires sex, whether
they say so or not. Everyone wants to fuck something. You can have lack of
sexual interest, but everyone wants sex. It is literally impossible to not want
sex or get horny. Awkward boners are signs of sex interest. It's all animal
nature."
"W-Wait, a kiss was enough, but you're saying you want to fuck me?" he spit,
scrambling back.
"My body finds you sexually attractive. There is nothing to dislike about your
body, so my body wants it. You'd fuck anyone who fits your conditions. You
happen to fit mine."
"You're into boring boys who don't know what they want in life? I'm sorta
plain-looking, you know. There's nothing special to see here!"
"Yes, but I think that's perfect."
"If you try anything, I'll tell them and they'll kick you out! Watch yourself,
Shunchou!" he threatened.
"I thought we were becoming friends, but it's like this? Damn, you're strict."
"I don't like you, you know... they'll pay more attention to you than me,
because they're tired of me and don't care about me anymore."
"That isn't true."
"It is true! Lay a hand on any of us and I'll literally kill you for it!"
I could tell he was serious, a boy full of arrogance. I nodded, slinking back,
slightly dipping into the water of the big Japanese tub.
Was he into me or not?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was startled into waking up, feeling a figure pressed against my side. I
opened my eyes in the darkness, looking over and flicking him on the face.
"Ow."
"Why are you in here?"
"There's lightning... outside."
"You baby."
"Shut up."
I was being a hypocrite, calling him a baby even though it had offended me just
a while before.
"I'll touch your ass if you don't get out."
"Doesn't matter."
"I'm going to do it~."
"Then touch it, it's nothing great."
"You are pretty flat."
"Hey!"
Shizuki was sinister in the way he laid down beside me as if it were normal
between us. He claimed to hate me, but his feelings confused me endlessly. He
was spouting mean things, then strange things, then acting nice… then the cycle
repeated once more. Life was a fun game to him, entertaining, tireless. He had
me wrapped around his finger and I couldn’t escape. No one had ever made me
feel so strange in my life.
“Hey, I can’t go to sleep. Can you tell a story?” Shizuki muttered.
“Are you implying I’ll tell you something so boring that you will, in turn,
fall asleep because of it?”
“Maybe it’ll be interesting enough to make me stay awake longer, who knows?”
“There were two of them, two bodies immersed, two bodies combined in the most
primal manner, bed squeaking under the weight and grunts. Siko watched his dad
pummeling into his brother, his own brother, feeling disgusting inside as he
couldn’t help but keep his eyes on them.”
“Wait, wait, is this going to end with a threesome?”
“Shhh. No threesome.”
“You pervert.”
“He was tired of it. He was tired of his dad taking his brother away from him.
He, too, harbored sexual feelings toward the other.”
“What the fuck?”
“Shut up!”
“But it’s weird!”
“I ran my fingers along the foreskin I was so fond of-”
“No, no more, seriously.”
“Be a man and take it."
"Can you tell me a story about your time in that place?" he asked, peeping up
from shielding himself with the covers.
"Your phone is ringing."
He reached across the bed, taking hold of it on the table beside my new bed,
staring at the screen as he unlocked it. "Unknown caller... should I pick up?"
"Do what you want."
He answered it, asking who it was before heavy breathing came from the other
side. Shizuki looked back at me awkwardly, confused.
"Fuck, put it on speaker."
"Who is this?"
Kokari and I played that joke all the time with each other. He used to take a
shower and, to remind him it was my turn, I breathed hard against the door in
an attempt to scare him. We did it to each other sometimes, just for fun, until
we started bathing with each other.
"Shunchou, I found out who it was...."
I pleated the blankets with my fingers, throat like cotton. "W-Where are you
calling from? How did you even get Shizuki's number?"
"The lady told me to call, she said you would want me. She has the contacts."
"W-Wait, why aren't you mad?"
"Since I've turned into this... I've been unable to become angry. I feel
nothing."
"You feel nothing?"
"No. I connected the dots while I was sitting here, and... my rapist is Kou."
"Kou? Nice joke! Maybe he just doesn't exist!" I cried, resisting the urge to
visibly let the tears take over. I thought I'd lost him forever.
"Another Kou, not the one you're thinking of. Ryo... created a drug to make Kou
age, and that's my guess. No matter what he might have said, 13-year-olds
weren't allowed to work there... he made Kou age so he could rape the staff
and... then they became terrorized by him, and they let him work there. It
caused Kou to become sadistic, when all he wanted in the first place was to get
some money. Kou raped me, he did. Over time, his two forms separated, forming
two different bodies. There was an older Kou and the one you know, in other
words. The older one raped me."
"You pointed and there was no one there," I insisted.
"He was there. He's not visible to feeble-minded boys."
"...I wanted to save you, I tried, and I end up getting called feeble-minded.
You made all that up just now!"
"I did not make it up, I connected to the man-"
"How do you know all of this? You just happened to come to that conclusion. Why
wouldn't Ryo tell us?"
"Ryo kept many things from us. I found a notebook... he wrote of it."
"He wrote of it?"
"I snatched it before the police inspected that area. Everyone died.
Everyone... died that day. I found a notebook you left behind. You won't get it
back. It connects us... even though we're away from each other."
"You should forget about me. I can't stay bound to you forever. I want to start
a family with someone else. Give me my notebook!"
"Start a family... are you bisexual? Tell me, Shunchou."
"I'm gay!"
"You can't start a family when you're gay. You can't get married here. You
can't have babies. You can't do anything because you're gay and not perfect.
That's how things are."
"Ryo and Sora-"
"They were experts in experimenting and testing new shots and drugs for
torture. My guess is Ryo made one for Sora, used it on him, and Sora became
pregnant. You can't do it just because they did. You had sex with me and I'm
not pregnant."
"What did he write about? He would have written about it!"
"He mentioned nothing about Sora. He talked about Kou and about you. He
mentioned that he detested women."
"Detested women...? Ryo wouldn't say that... Ryo told me he was straight...."
"He told you and you believed it. Ryo was a liar."
"But-"
"Nothing."
"...How do you know he's not lying in that notebook?"
"His tears were stained in the pages, many of them, like he was sobbing. He was
serious when writing it."
"I couldn't care less about you being raped, give me my damn notebook!"
When nothing but beeps were returned, I threw Shizuki's phone across the bed,
frustrated more than ever before.
"Was that the 'annoying' guy?" he snickered.
"See, he's fucking annoying!"
"Wow, he really makes you mad, huh? That was a mean thing to say to him. This
is rape we're talking about, you know."
"I feel violated, myself, when he talks to me and says stupid things. I guess
I've grown accustomed to rape talk... guys in my stories get raped all the
time, it's normal."
"You're pretty fucked up. Is child molestation not bad, either?"
"It isn't bad. Studies show it's normal to feel attraction towards children.
It's simply normal to feel attraction towards anyone of the same species as
you."
"Damn... if someone raped you, would you go crying to other people?"
"No, I wouldn't be raped in the first place."
"You're disgusting."
"I've been told that before."
"You need therapy. I won't tell anyone else how fucked up you are. If Mom and
Dad knew, they'd take you back."
"Wouldn't it make your life better for me to be gone? They care that little
about me?"
"Maybe... but if you can stay interesting, I'll want to keep you here. I've
never met someone like you, so out there with everything, even making a move on
me."
"Can I at least finger you? You're making me hard, touching me with your knee
like that."
He flinched, shaking his head in a firm no. "Don't sit with me at school!"
School... that would be an interesting endeavor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You've never seen a comb before? No wonder your hair is so messy! No, you
don't use it like that!" Shizuki sighed, running the black object through my
hair as I buttoned up the top of my uniform. It was his spare.
"Am I sexy now?" I laughed, staring at the new shoes I had gotten.
"Sure, sure. Now hurry up, it's ten minutes away!"
I was pulled out the front door, led into a new part of my life called "real
school". There wouldn't be a beating for every time I spoke to someone during
class. There would be others... maybe someone nice.
"Do you know a 14-year-old boy who's into his sisters?" I pressed, walking to
the front gate of our house.
"No... why would I?"
"He's not in any of your classes? I wanted to meet him."
"Into his sisters... wait, there's this one kid at lunch who I heard was like
that, but I don't go near him or anything."
"Because I'm a new student, maybe I'll be in his class."
"Maybe. How do you know about that kid?"
"I met his dad."
"A pedophile? You're into that."
"No."
"That kid is really ugly, you know. I heard he's a total otaku at home. He has
a lot of acne and weird green hair. He doesn't have any friends, so he's a
loner."
"Don't call him ugly for having acne and green hair."
"Whatever you say... he's super hostile to everyone and acts like he's the
smartest man alive. A girl asked him out one time and he tore the paper up and
threw it in the trash can while she was watching."
"So he's kind of weird... but who isn't?"
"Again, you can do what you want... I warned you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I did have one class with him, though it was last period. He was anything but
ugly, that I would admit. He was muscular and had the most wondrous green eyes
I had ever seen. He looked more like a foreigner than I did, in any case.
"Pst... don't look at that guy or he'll do something bad to you at lunch, it
happens to everyone. Once he catches you staring, you're done," the boy beside
me warned. For some reason, I couldn't stray an eye from him. He looked
amazing, and apparently... so were his grades.
Catch me staring, he did. His eyes narrowed and he gave me a challenging look,
one that would scare anyone off. I stared back with a smirk on my face,
challenging him in return. His name was Ritemo, a made up name... as well.
"Sensei, please end Shunchou's obnoxious staring toward me."
Fuck, he was brutal!
"Shunchou, look to the front."
I refused, wanting to get on the boy's good side. I stood up, slammed my palms
down on my desk, and yelled, "I couldn't help but notice his high sex appeal,
sir!"
I glanced back as all the class stared hard, judging me. His mouth was agape
and he tried looking anywhere but me. One could say I was pondering my
sexuality, exploring it on another level.
"In the hallway, Shunchou."
It was worth it... it was worth it, wasn't it?
The unrelenting stares told me I had lost the respect of everyone in the entire
class. I lost all my possible friends. I still had Shizuki, if all backfired.
"...Fucking unintelligible rat...." I heard Ritemo mutter.
I sauntered to the door, wearing a slight grin. He really was self-centered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You're home so late, what happened?"
"I had to clean the classroom after school."
"Why?"
"I had an outbreak... on the bright side, he might like me just a little bit."
"What did you say?"
"I basically called him sexy. Shit, you lied to me big time...."
"He's messed up like you. He fucks his sisters, you don't understand," Shizuki
tried.
"...How would you know that?"
"He told me himself."
"To each their own.”
“Don’t tell me you have a crush on him, too.”
“No. And it’s not like I have a crush on you… like I’m in love with you.”
“You aren’t? That’s a relief. What is it, then?”
“A beneficial relationship. I seek sex.”
“While you were gone, I took the time to read through your notebook. How can
you write about murder in such detail? One has to experience it to write about
it… or at least have knowledge of feelings during it.”
“You’re changing the subject. Why did you go snooping around? Maybe I do have
experience, what can you do about it?” I tested, “And get out of my room
already!”
“Are you telling me you k-killed... someone?"
"I never said that."
"You just implied it-"
"I killed a man. Go tell someone, see if I care. His body's long gone."
"Y-You're a murderer! On second thought, I think I'll let you be kicked out!
Are you going to kill me, too? How many others do you want to kill, murderer?"
he panicked, paranoia encircling in those eyes.
"I have no intention of killing anyone else. At least know that much."
"So? Why did you kill him?"
"Envy... and revenge. Not everyone is a goody-two-shoes like you. Even the
smartest kid in school has a bite to him. I didn't think people were this
annoying."
Spiteful, he got off my bed and stormed closer. "I'll always be watching you. I
don't trust you, I can't. I knew there was something off about you, but... what
am I saying? Everything is off about you."
"I'm going for a walk."
"Hold up, hold up. Did you think I'd let you off like that? I want payment."
"Pay...ment?"
"I won't tell anyone you're insane and you killed someone if you do one thing
for me."
"What is that?"
"Stay away from Ritemo and his family."
I had sensed the mysteriousness surrounding the kid, but did they detest him
so? Nothing added up. There were lots of strange rumors and things circling
around, I had no clue what to do.
"Why is he your enemy? You don't even know him," I snapped, remembering the way
Ritemo chuckled and covered it up. He had a sense of humor. He was hot, too. He
may have been bitter, but he didn't have intentions that would rouse suspicion.
The comment he made aggravated me.
"I don't want to know him. He fucks his sisters. No, to you, that's normal,
isn't it? You need to come back to reality and stop writing, it takes over your
brain! Everything you like is abnormal, disgusting!"
"You don't get it."
"What the fuck don't I get? Stop saying that! Your hobbies are revolting, your
fetishes... I bet you'd fuck a kid when you're older!"
"No, no, I wouldn't...."
"You would. Everyone else is weird, to you. You need to realize you're the
weird one. You're despicable."
"They're obsessions... they're unworldly and... that's the entire point. Get
your fucking face back and listen. If, in some scenario, people read my
stories... what's not to like? They're aimed toward rejects, those with
fetishes and kinks others aren't into, ones no one wants to discuss because of
how extremely wrong they are. To those people, they aren't wrong. They aren't
wrong at all. To pedophiles, children are amazing. To me, guys are amazing. To
others, girls are amazing. It's against the law because it's messed up to
everyone else, pedophilia. Why do you think child porn exists? It exists to
cater to someone, doesn't it? There's something for everyone, and I'm mixing
those things together. Happiness is impossible to have forever. Pain is
possible to have forever. I write about pain because everyone understands it.
Shut the fuck up and stop acting like an ignorant ass!"
"...But you're into all those things...."
"I'm not into little boys! I don't feel romantically attracted to them or
sexually attracted. I write about that for other people. Some things I write
about, I enjoy, myself. The killings are always harsh because I've witnessed
them. It's impossible to express, seeing death and committing it. It's
impossible to write about... accurately."
"Get out of here and let me think."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was slapped awake by a raw and untamed hand, one colliding brashly against my
cheek. I stared up, a shout becoming caught in my throat. He was so tall.
"Where's the bathroom?"
"There isn't one at this park, but we can walk to my house. Actually, where's
yours?"
"Too far... at least you tried. Shit."
There were angry tears running down his face as he squeezed his legs together,
having to go desperately. It was unsightly to see Ritemo letting it out... in
both aspects. I wanted him to stay, longed to try and show him I wasn't an
unintelligible rat.
"Fuck, why are you crying?" I asked, standing up and linking my fingers around
his wrist, touching burnt flesh.
"Shit, let go... damn, is there nowhere?!"
Seeing as the woods were a bit far of a walk, I sighed, "Tell me and I'll take
you to my house."
"Release me, peasant."
There was something in his eyes, a dark aura surrounding him, and his tone
possessed me. I let go of his unsettling wrist, questioning the burn and his
strong ability to control me, manipulate me.
I watched as he stained his pants, legs quivering while he bit his lip and
angrily let the tears flow. I had probably ruined his day and crushed his
hierarchy, but I felt saddened by my inability to help him.
"...Fuck."
***** Incompatible *****
Chapter Notes
     Now is the time the story does a 360.
Chapter 7 ~ Incompatible
 
I sat outside the bathroom in my bedroom, hearing the shower water run as
Ritemo washed himself off. I had to sneak him in and even lend him my
underwear, but I felt there was some greater mystery behind his character. I
would implore him to tell me, if I had to.
"Did you get burned? Was it cooking?" I prompted.
Without a response, I took to another tactic.
"My IQ has been tested to be 175. You have the assumption that everyone is
garbage, but it isn't true,” I grumbled.
"Don't speak of this to anyone. If you do, I will seriously kill you while
you're sleeping. I know where you live."
"So now you want to talk. I don't find you terrible to talk to or look at, you
know. You're funny."
"Funny? If you take me to be a joke, I won't talk to you. I'm serious about
everything I say. Don't flatter me, it does nothing."
"It isn't flattery, though. You-"
"You have nothing worth my time to converse about. I have no time for idle
chatter with squirrels."
"First a rat, now a squirrel? What animal am I, to you?"
"All the nuisances. As well as that, you can only think with your crotch.”
I could go the Shizuki route and threaten to tell people if he didn't do
something for me, but as he said, he would seriously slaughter me.
"Did you burn yourself for your dad? He had a bad past, but that doesn't mean
you should hurt yourself to try to experience some of it."
"Treat me as an uncanny pebble, you shall! I would never do something so
impertinent! Soiling my body for someone else, you think me to be suicidal or
something?"
"Sorry, I just wanted to hear you say complicated words. The speech fits you."
"...You shan't get the truth out of me."
"But I have your underwear~."
"That's... blackmail."
"You've led me to it. I heard there's an organization around town, and to
become a member, you have to burn your wrist. They kill people. I don't want
you to be that way, so I need you to tell me wh-"
"It's nothing of the sort. I will not tell you. You can want me to be whatever
you want. I won't live up to your expectations."
"...You leave me no choice. Why were you in the park? Hiding from someone?"
"None of your business."
"It is my business, you could be killing!"
"What if I am killing? What's it to you?"
Realizing I sounded as stupid as Shizuki, I didn't know what to reply with,
having the discussion just earlier. "It's nothing."
"Perhaps you want to become my apprentice?" he inquired, stepping out with a
towel hung tightly around his waist, water droplets sliding down his muscular
torso. He even had hinted abs peeking through his chiseled stomach.
"...Apprentice?"
"Do you seek the opportunity to kill ruthlessly? You could join me. No, no, you
are a peasant, there is no way I would even allow you to join me!" he huffed,
arms crossing his tanned chest as he laughed triumphantly.
"Talk to me."
"Talk to you, unworthy scoundrel? Have I not been doing so this entire
session?"
"Talk about murder and killing and blood and bodies. I've never met another
killer besides Kokari. I'm attracted to those who can kill, stomp on other
humans. Humans are dirty creatures."
"Did you say... Kokari?" he asked, standing still as a stone, face dark and
dreary, eyes losing their glint.
"Yes, I did. I know it isn't a name, you don't have to judge him."
"No, it brought up... unwanted memories."
"It can't be that you know him. He's been with me all his life. Did you see him
yesterday? The day before?"
"I won't tell you my tale. Alas, you have piqued my interest a little. I shall
state... any companion of Kokari's is not a foe of mine."
"I can't take you seriously when you talk like that."
"This is the way I talk. Go fuck yourself."
"Feisty. I'm suspicious of you. Does this mean you'll tell me of your
murdering?"
"Very well. Suspicion is a positive thing."
"You mean it?"
"I mean what I say. Have you experienced the thrill of murder? The eroticism...
have you experienced it first hand... Shunchou?"
I shivered, feeling tingly as he said my name.
"Yes. Yes, I have. I thought I was the only one who got hard from something
like that... but here you are, openly admitting you kill."
"I read your novel. I'm a big fan."
"N...o...vel? W-What the... hell... are you talking a-about?"
"Your novel. It was about the asylum and the zombies. I really liked it. You
and I think similarly. I didn't realize it was you until just now."
"What was it called? Was it written by me?"
"No, it was written by 'Shu'. Clever pen name. It went on sale today and I read
it. It was called 'Insanity in Numbers' and it was the best thing I've read in
a long time."
"It came out... today? It has to be a mistake, I never let anyone read that! I
never... I have it right here, right in this notebook!" I exclaimed, reaching
under my bed and grasping it.
"Did someone else publish it?"
"...Shit, Shizuki!"
"The boy who hates me, correct? He glares when I pass by. I glare back...
better, of course."
"You're a little tsundere. Little isn't the right word, you're taller than me.
How did he manage to get it published in just an hour...? You said it's already
in stores, I never hired anyone to make a cover or... anything! There's no
editor! Fuck, I won't even get profit off that crap...."
"If I liked it, you'll get profit."
"That logic is horrible."
"I have connections. They do anything I ask."
"Anything?"
"That's what I said. Were you adopted into this family? Well, you are new to
school...."
"They're putting up with me for now."
"I wouldn't trust them if I were you. Last week, a boy was adopted into a
family and the parents sliced him up and sent him to cannibals. You can never
be sure."
"Why were you crying?" I asked straight out.
"Even though I murder, I still feel for others. Just remember that."
"Did you kill someone?"
"No."
"But you felt bad about something you did."
"Correct."
I turned around quickly as the door opened and Shizuki burst in, holding a copy
of what I assumed was my book. I glanced back to see Ritemo had vanished, the
only thing in his stead being his towel. Was he under the bed...?
"The money's rolling in, you have no clue! Shu's the biggest thing the world
has ever seen! ...That's what I'd like to say, but we'll wait until that time
comes."
"Why would you do such a thing? You impudent boy."
Fuck, he rubbed off on me. It was too funny! How did he say those things with a
straight face?
"Huh? Why is it bad?"
"I don't want them to be out there! No one wants to buy that stuff... they'll
find out I wrote it and call me a deviant or something."
"You wrote it with the intention of it being seen when you got out of the
asylum. You did, right? Why are you embarrassed? We already have 24 copies
sold."
"I'll have to leave town now."
"You're over exaggerating."
I cringed, remembering how Kokari said that to me whenever I flinched near a
bug. I wasn't a sarcastic person... I didn't think. Was I? Stubborn, certainly.

"I said I didn't want anyone to read it... why would you do it? You're so
selfish! You want to get money off my writing, you fuck! It wasn't
impersonal... the main character was based off of me, there was even...
horribly written sex... did you look at the contents? It was trash!" I yelled,
jolting up and stomping over, staring at a scrape on his arm and smelling the
intoxicating blood.
"I didn't know you'd be so affected-"
I grabbed his neck, pressing down on the skin and jutting my knee against his
crotch, sending him in agonizing pain as his body grew strenuous. He didn't
know whether to hold his nether region or try to sink his fingers into my wrist
and pry me off, but he wrongly stood and did neither.
The door shut behind him as I pressed his body up against it, satisfaction
arising as he let out ragged noises, incoherent and needy. His brown eyes were
wide, terror-stricken, and his hands went slack. He was giving up while I
angrily strangled him, ripped the breath right from his throat.
I was whacked in the head by a cold foot from behind, a disgraceful situation
to be in. My head went forward and my fingers lost their grip. Ritemo wound his
arms underneath my armpits and yanked me backward, toppling on his chest.
Luckily, he had put on the towel before coming over to us.
"R-Ritemo's here? I knew I couldn't trust you! You just tried to KILL ME! I
hate you! Go back to his place and fuck, I don't care!"
Shizuki ran out of my room, leaving me with a shockingly strong male, who
released me and slapped me in the face. I rolled off his body, feeling pissed
that he would do that.
"Don't give me that look! You deserved that! Be lucky you aren't tied to a
chair!" he growled.
"He had no right to... sell them. I thought we'd be able to negotiate and maybe
get along, but I was wrong. I can't live with him."
"Then go back to where you came from! No one wants a... killer. My parents
don't know what I do. If they did, I'd be on the streets. No one wants someone
who has problems... no one knows how to handle that... do you think parents
love their autistic children as much as they would love to have a normal child?
Do you think anyone wants messed up kids? No! Some parents send their kids to
therapy, calling them insane... or to asylums... when we're just misunderstood!
Killing is sexually stimulating, just like... other fucked up things... why
question people who are into ero guro? There are people who find killing to be
as fun as writing, drawing, dancing, and everything else. Killing is an
addiction, a survival instinct. If you can't kill, you're just not needed.
Killing is everything. Shizuki will tell them. You'll be sent to jail unless
you get out while you still can. The 'connections' I talked about... they all
ran away after killing, because they'd go to jail or get kicked out. No one
wants to feel that shame."
"I know no one will want me, I know... and I broke Shizuki's deal. For some
reason, I can't leave. There's something else I have to do before I go, but I
don't know what it is. I'll kill Shizuki if he tells someone. I'll kill him and
run. If he doesn't, I'll stay a while longer until I can find out why I can't
go."
"I commend you. If you find yourself running away, come and find me, too."
"Are you leaving?"
"Yes."
It was nice to see him talk normally. I found out more about him without
wanting to.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dinner was quiet, eerily quiet. It wasn't the serene type of silence, either. I
was irritated. I wanted to know whether Shizuki told them or not.
I watched as he scrawled on a napkin, secretly sliding it over to me.
I tried giving you a chance, but you wrecked it. Hurting me is going too far.
There were marks on his neck from where I grabbed him, catching my attention.
The skin was red and unpleasant. He rubbed vigorously at it, hiding it from our
parents.
"How was school?" Mom asked blearily, having just come home from a hectic work
day.
"...Agreeable,” I muttered.
"I heard you got in trouble."
I glared at Shizuki out of the corner of my eye. He really was a problem.
"I was talking in class when I shouldn't have."
"Did you make any friends?"
"No."
"Don't tell me you're acting shy on the first day."
"No... no one likes me, I can't help that."
"They should! You're a good boy."
Good boy... it made me grit my teeth.
"They called me names, it was terrible," I feigned sadness.
"Shizuki, you have to take care of him!"
Shizuki and I had a glaring contest. It was futile. He lost.
"Whatever."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shizuki was a strange creature. He slipped in my bed at night to sleep beside
me, even though he claimed to hate me and there was no thunder or lightning. He
liked hearing about Kokari, even though there wasn't much to tell about him.
"Can you get out already? You won't let me in your room, why should I let you
in mine?" I complained.
"Your sincerity sucks. This bed is more comfortable."
"If you say so."
"T-There's another reason I don't want you talking to Ritemo, you know?"
"And what's that?"
"I was like you, trying to get close to him because I felt bad for him having
no friends-"
"I don't feel bad for him, he interests me."
"Anyway, I was like that... he played along, so I thought he seriously wanted
to be my friend. We went into the bathroom like friends do, just talking, when
a gang of people came in. They all beat me up, and Ritemo called me worthless
trash... he force fed me drugs, gagged me with them until I was weak, and I
can't remember much after that. Ritemo's a drug addict. He burns himself to
tell himself not to do it, but it doesn't work most of the time."
"Did you say anything to him? At least you cleared it up for me, he wouldn't
tell me anything about the burn."
"I told him killing was wrong... one time. He changed after that. He was
hostile. Even today, he says I don't understand him. Everyone used to pick on
him for his appearance and overall face, so he started working out
excessively... people don't bother him anymore. Everyone's afraid of him."
"What's bad about his face? He's not ugly. He's right, you don't understand. He
won't turn against me."
"He used to be uglier. The worst part about him is his ugly personality. He
wanted to kill me. He leads people on and kills them. I told his parents and
they thought I was crazy... they fawn over their son. I don't understand
animals like you, but... why should he? Because you like killing, too?"
"We're all animals on the inside. If you were trapped in a room with a man and
food, both of you starving, would you let him have it? I wouldn't. I would tear
his head off and eat it... and then I'd eat him. Ritemo thinks the exact same
way."
"You're strange. Really strange. Probably even weirder than him. Did they make
you this way? What did they do to you?" he asked, turning around, back pressed
against me.
"They did a lot of things to me. I didn't used to be this way. It didn't happen
after I started writing those things. I had to have it in me, or I wouldn't
have started writing about those things in the first place."
"People get corrupt for a reason. For Ritemo, it was bullying. No, he had it
worse online than in real life. That's what he said."
"Wait until your time comes. Something will happen and you'll want to get
payback."
If only we had known.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Days sped by. Ritemo ignored me at school and didn't come visit at all. He
acted like we weren't close. Shizuki kept coming into my room, but he stopped
talking to me. He said he'd burn all the copies of my book he made, but I
refused. It was pointless.
I sold over 360 copies in five days. The reviews were startling. They said they
understood the author through the writing. Some called it too obscure, some
called it brilliant. I only received negative feedback from Shizuki. The main
audience I had received was... kids. It was the strangest thing. I wrote that
it was for adults, but kids liked it. I went by the bookstore and saw young
kids and teen females buying the book. The author biography was blank, so no
one suspected me. I refused to add a picture of myself. Still, still... it was
growing extremely popular, it was even the talk of the town. Everyone wondered
who the mysterious writer was. Because a P.O box was stated in the back of the
book, I had tons of fan letters. Some told me to create my own website and
write more... some said they were falling for me. It was both wondrous and
surreal.
"Cultivating pain, reminiscing distasteful moments... his face was twisted in
scorn. No one knew what the two had gone through. There were bad times and,
sadly, little good times. Still, they were together, though times were rough.
They were tough. He was... enough," Ritemo spoke, reading from a passage in
perfect, disrupted English. I stared hard. Yumi was gone, but he could teach
me. He was impressive.
"He's good at everything, it's not fair," a girl muttered bitterly.
"Maybe you're just bad at everything and he's normal," I jeered.
Ritemo wasn't the best at gym, that I could see. He was great at lifting
weights, but fairly bad at running. He wasn't the best at history, but he was
okay with math and Japanese. He was very good at English.
No one paid attention to his flaws at school. To them, his face was his only
flaw. People only see or hear what they want to see or hear, after all.
"Jackass,” she growled.
"Rotten pig." Mocking Ritemo was the best.
"Shunchou, Yui."
I stared at the teacher, glared at him fiendishly. Ritemo flicked me in the
back of the head.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Why are you being so difficult? Hey, hey! Look, am I any good?" Shizuki
despaired.
"Your editing is purely full of opinions. You're no good," I confirmed.
"I'm only trying to make it better!"
"Well, stop, you're making it worse."
"Pleeease. If I can't have money from your stories, let me be your editor and
get money that way! I don't get an allowance...."
"I'm tired of this," I sighed, shuffling out of the room as he stood there with
a manuscript in hand. As I passed him, I felt enmity flush through my body.
I crept into the kitchen, moving over to the cabinet and pulling out a cup.
There were muffled voices coming from the garage beside the cabinets.
Slowly, I eased the door open, curious as to what they were talking about.
"...have to get rid of him,” Dad muttered to Mom.
"Why?"
"I want to kill him. His presence hurts."
Were they talking about me, planning to kill me off so soon?
"It hurts? You never brought that up before. You've brought it up with other
people. I never see you crying near him."
"It just started, when he began complaining about Shunchou being around. I
can't take it anymore, it's so painful...."
"Can't we get rid of Shunchou? Isn't that the problem?" Mom insisted.
"Once it starts, it doesn't go away... it's only growing stronger."
"Okay. We have another kid now, so it's okay."
"Are you serious? We can kill him?"
"We can."
I closed the door, petrified. They wanted to kill Shizuki, they wanted to get
rid of me... they didn't care too much for me. If they did, she wouldn't bring
up my abandonment.
I dropped the cup, hand unstable, and threw the door open again, aware that
Shizuki was watching me. I slammed it shut, running down the steps, and bolted
over to my parents.
"Oh, Shunchou, we were just talking about y-"
I pulled something out of my pocket, surprised that in my mindless stupor, I
had managed to actually grab a knife from the kitchen drawer. I chucked it
forward, angered the man would jump back and try to take hold of my arm.
"Shunchou, put that DOWN!"
"Make me," I growled, lunging it forward and sending it into his shoulder. For
a moment, I was shaken, reminded of the time I left Kokari. Mom hit me, tearing
at my arm and trying to convince me not to hurt him. I watched him collapse on
his knees, clutching his shoulder and bawling. I turned sideways sharply,
yanking on her bangs and plunging the dripping knife into her chest, right
through where I guessed the heart would be. No, it must be there.
I looked back, seeing glistening tears muddled up in the boy's chocolate-
colored eyes. He was pitiful, not knowing how to approach or address me.
"Your parents are dead. What can you do?" I chuckled.
"...You killed them! I FUCKING HATE YOU! YOU'RE SHIT!"
“You can hate me all you want, it has nothing to do with me,” I snorted,
annoyed he didn’t realize I did it for his sake.
“S-Stay away… you monster. Don’t come near me ever again!” he spat.
“What are you going to do, Shizuki? Get adopted? They won’t be coming back,” I
giggled, striding forward and coming close as he backed up against the door,
hand on the knob. He was scared of me, the killer.
“I won’t turn out like you… I sure as hell won’t stoop to your level. I won’t
lash out at other people because you hurt me.”
I moved up a step, stepping over and gazing into his eyes. He wilted, vision
most likely fuzzy from the tears. I grabbed his wrists and held them above his
head, face merely a couple inches away from his.
“What do you want from me?” he choked.
“What do I want? I don’t want anything. I do want this,” I commented, rubbing
his crotch while he attempted to shove me aside. Ritemo’s words rang in my
ears. As well as that, you can only think with your crotch.
“Are you going to rape me?” he asked, panicking and writhing against me, hands
trapped.
“I’d like to, but I feel Ritemo would get angry with me.”
“Anyone would. You’re the worst person I’ve ever met, I want to kill you!”
“There’s the fire. It’s starting, isn’t it? You want revenge.”
“I wouldn’t kill just anyone… only you, I want you dead!”
I took his wrists into one hand, undoing the buttons of his shirt, smelling the
tangy blood and touching the throbbing heart. He was having anxiety. It felt
great, his peachy skin cold against my fingertips.
“Everyone wants me dead. No one likes me and I’ve accepted it.”
“Get the hint and leave them alone!”
I pulled the fabric apart, reaching for his belt and stopping myself. “Another
time, I promise. I want to get out of here and see Ritemo. I don’t have time
for you and your bad manuscripts.”
As I let go of him, he pulled his shirt together, flustered and utterly
displeased with me. He retrieved his phone, waving it in my face and dialing
110.
“I’ll get you. I’ll get you and kill you!”
“You’re too scared to do it right now, even though I’m right in front of you,
so you resort to calling the police instead. What vigor you have. I am
genuinely impressed.”
“To think you derive pleasure from watching people get humiliated… well, I have
no time for you, either! I’ll watch you go to jail.”
“You won’t get me.”
I pushed him aside and ran to my room, gathering my notebooks and belongings
before slipping shoes on and glancing out the window. The police lived very
close by, they would be there any minute....
"Get back! You can't run, Shunchou! COME BACK!" Shizuki yelled, pulling me back
by the hem of my shirt. I turned around fiercely, staring into his cold and
somewhat lifeless eyes. He had lost it.
"I'm leaving. They're coming to take me away," I deadpanned, shooing his arm
away. He fumbled with his own shirt, lip twitching.
"I want to live with you, but I want to kill you... I'm horrible. I can't make
up my mind with anything. I have this grudge in my heart, but you're also...
so...."
"I have no time for blubbering."
"I'll let them arrest me. I'll say I did it! Stay here and stop running!"
"Are you crazy?"
"Yes... yes, I'm crazy. Get money with Ritemo and bail me out. I can't let them
jail you forever. I have to kill you!"
"You really are cruel. Send me decent editing on my website, okay? I'm out of
here!"
He reached out for me, fingers held together in a fist as I tore the door open
and sprinted across the concrete, opening up the gate and feeling extreme
paranoia when police cars arrived at the scene. There was a little bit of blood
staining my shirt.
"You, hey, you! Cuff him!"
Two of them ran after me, as fast as athletes running a mile. They were quick.
In difficult situations, I was quicker. In the turbulent world, I could make it
out alive. Those who weren't quick enough starved, died, suffered. The
tumultuous cicadas were deafening, ringing on all sides, prompting me to run
like my life depended on it.
And it did. It so, so did. They were chasing me with tasers, what the fuck?
"If you don't stop, we'll shoot!"
They'd shoot me, my parents would disown me... what was new? What was new?
I almost did it, my legs nearly gave in and my heart almost, almost caved in to
the justice.
My arm was seized, seized for the billionth time that week, and a tall male
escorted me into the forest beside the never ending road. He had come out of
nowhere, attacked me, forced me to move. Our eyes met for a second and he
spoke. Ritemo Kuroma.
"Never stop. Stopping isn't fun when running from police... running is the best
part. Never get caught. I'll take you to my secret place."
"You're helping...."
"Let's run away to a place we'll be accepted. I took a lot of money... we can
live off of it for now. It's fun, don't you think? I do this every day."
"It's fun."
His hand was squeezing mine, fingers interlocked and trapped together. He could
have left me to move at my own pace and he could have run ahead of me, but he
stuck with me and we moved together, jumped over fallen trees and slipped
through piles of leaves.
"What season is it?" I breathed.
"Spring. You've never seen... spring?"
"No... of course not."
"Winter is my favorite."
"It's Kokari's favorite."
"Shit, Shunchou, ju-"
The ground disappeared beneath me and my ass slid against the build up of rocks
and dirt, falling dangerously into a swamp. If I jumped, I would have passed
the swamp and broken my leg. Either way, misfortune was brought upon the both
of us.
With a great splash into the green, murky water, I was drenched, sinking into
the revolting moss and bug eggs, ten feet under. Along the way, I had lost his
hand.
Bleary, I sought out and grabbed at a lotus flower, eyes shut tightly and mouth
forced closed.
I couldn't swim. Holy shit, I couldn't swim.
Frantically struggling against the swamp water and wishing I could hear the
cicadas whining again, I decided to stand still, feet touching mud at the
bottom, buried in it.
I felt a body behind mine, big and strong arms looping around my chest as I was
brought upward. I felt his bare foot brushing against the back of my covered
heel, aware that he had acted on instinct because of my inability to swim.
When we resurfaced, the first thing I did was breathe heavily, gasping for air,
surrounded on all sides by desperation and a green mass of water.
There was a hand wandering up the inside of my shirt, as well as lips biting
and kissing my earlobe, a horny, hormonal, and mature boy fondling me and
lusting after me.
"Why are you...?"
"I wanted you to come in the bathroom and fuck me. You didn't do it."
"Is this a punishment?"
"No... no, your shirt is wet and I can feel you, so I got like this."
I moved against him, facing him and staring at the slight blush dusting across
his cheeks. He almost looked drunk. The only reason I knew that was because of
Kokari’s drunken state.
"Did you do drugs before you came here?"
"How would you come up with such a thing? I am pure at this moment."
"I don't want to be with a drug addict."
"Who told you that? I'm no addict."
"What are you, then? Shizuki told me you do drugs."
"I drink, I sometimes do drugs... but I'm not an addict. Lately I haven't been
doing anything like that. I want to become better."
"You're finally speaking normally. Is it just near me? Where do you even get
those things from?"
"Only you. My mom is an addict. A couple years ago, I found her stash and had
no clue what they were, so I swallowed some. It had a great effect, so... I got
a bit hooked and kept stealing. It's easy to go into places and buy alcohol.
They think I'm not a minor."
"You don't look it."
He could pass for twenty. Ritemo looked and... kind of acted... like an adult.
Kokari was the same way.
"We should get o-"
I leaned forward, pecking him on his luscious lips before finding out they
tasted extremely preferable. I kissed him deeply, finding his shoulder and
holding on to it. He swept his tongue along the line between my lips, and I
moved my head back. He looked mystified, more attractive than ever, oh so
desirable.
"What were you doing...?"
"French kiss."
"What's that?"
"When our tongues meet and feel great together."
Enamored by the sound of it, I delved closer again and opened up my mouth, a
shock running through my body as his tongue explored the top of mine, rubbing
against it like a wet monster.
I made mine attack his, battling for dominance, excited both emotionally and
sexually.
"Fuck, do you hear that?" I uttered, biting my tongue and cringing. He glanced
up before telling me to stay still with his eyes. There were lots of them,
calling out Ritemo's name and saying they'd extend our jail time if they caught
us.
Soaked to the brim with the dirty water and cold against him, I stuck close,
burrowing my face against his neck and wondering why the police were always
after him. We weren't in their field of sight. We were hidden underneath a
giant rock against the dirt and mud cascade.
I held my breath for a few seconds, still as a police victim... literally...
and breathing in Ritemo's musk.
He hissed in pain, and I glared before realizing he had hurt his arm and I
touched it. Luckily, it was drowned out by the bugs and frogs making obnoxious
noises.
Above us, I heard the guys retreat back to where they were, slipping my face
into the water and, strangely, hearing them walk away.
He clasped on to my body, pushing me forward with his weight, cooing me to move
my legs and arms. I did so, making sure I wouldn't elbow him in the limb.
"To think I'd be doing this in my lifetime... my parents must be so ashamed."
"Why were they after you? For me, it makes sense."
"I killed my sisters. They found out, of course, and called the police on me.
They tried beating me, they screamed at me, but I just thought of finding you.
I was actually going to your house when I saw you running, too. What'd you do?"
"I killed my parents. Shizuki was pissed."
"You can live with me now. It's all good."
"Live where?"
"A building I built years ago... I run there whenever I'm chased down."
"Your dad told me the building his business is run in... causes him to never
age?"
"Yes. I found out about it because of my building. I stayed there for a week
one time and didn't have to shave. I put the two together and it made sense."
"You shave?"
"Yes."
"So grownup already."
"I found out a way to alter it. My friend lives there, and he's a doctor. He
figured out that it would take until around age twenty before I stop aging."
"Someone's already there?"
"We can trust him. He's pretty messed up, too. He sleeps around with people, so
you don't have to worry about him getting a boyfriend and them living with us."
"I haven't asked. Are you gay?"
"What do you think? I think it's amazing that two gay people in Japan can meet
at the same place at the same time. You know Kokari isn't gay, right? He's a
lolicon pervert. He used to have little sexual interest, the definition of an
asexual... however, he came to love it. I take it you're gay. I'm not into the
'twink' type. Damn, I didn’t imagine I’d be ranting about sexual things.”
"How do you know all this about Kokari? Staaaare."
"Ah, uh- that's personal, you stool."
"Stool? At least it's a creative way of calling me poop."
"Stop swatting at the air!"
"There's a bug!"
"When we get out of here, you're thanking me. I hit my arm on a fucking rock to
help you."
"There are so many burns... you might as well be called suicidal."
"I am not suicidal! Suicide is pointless. I will never lose to suicide. I win
against everyone."
"Is the doctor's name... Kou?"
"How did you know?"
It was a joke!
***** Death Threats *****
Chapter 8 ~ Death Threats
In the middle of the swamp, I halted movement, basking in his words, listening
to the eerie silence.
"...You can't trust that guy. Get him out of there! Fire him! Damn...."
"Why are you acting so strange?"
"He's a terrible person. You have to trust me! He hurt Ryo and Kokari, he...
did terrible things and acted like all the workers were his slaves."
"I did a background check on him. Perhaps your Kou is different than my Kou."
"Maybe...."
"If he isn't, we'll settle something together, okay?"
I nodded.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a downpour, the worst kind. Rain splattered across the road, spilled
into gutters and washed up near houses. The building I was led to was hidden
from all the others, trapped between two unused, abandoned buildings. The house
was- if it could be called a house- refined, pristine silver, the front door
hidden beside the abandoned places. From the street, the only place in view was
the abandoned house. Beside it, standing just as tall, was my new home. I was
going to live with Ritemo.
"Welcome home."
I was ushered inside, stepping up the brick objects and opening the black door.
Immediately, the scent of fudge brownies wafted into my nose, filled my
nostrils with joy.
"Kou, this is our new member! KOU!"
The Korean music the male played hushed even Ritemo's voice, drilling into my
ears and causing them to burn and blister. Not really.
"You always come in at the worst times! You know I play it when I cook...
hello, I'm Kou."
Ritemo had been right, the Kou before me was not Ryo's son. He wasn't even
Japanese, from what I could tell. It was a foreigner... with neat brown hair
tucked to the side of his head. He looked like Yoshio from Kuma Miko.
"...Hi."
"Kou's obsessed with blasting music, he even does it at night. If you're a
light sleeper, I'm sorry."
"No, I'm a pretty heavy sleeper. Does he live here?" I inquired.
"He lives here. He's sixteen, but he calls me his master."
"Is this your boyfriend? You have taste, Master Ri."
"No, he isn't."
"M-Master Ri!" I laughed.
"I told you, he's ridiculous."
"Call me Master Ri's wife. I cook for him a lot."
"Why do you live here? What's your story?" I probed.
"Suicide. I was going to jump off a bridge until I noticed that abandoned
building. I went to explore it and I saw Ritemo building this place. I saw his
dragon tattoo and... I can't explain it. I called out to him and he nearly
jumped off the roof, he got so scared. He came down and asked me for my soul,
which was creepy. I asked why. He said, and I quote, 'If you wish to leave your
soul, why not give it away, instead of ridding yourself of it?' I thought he
was interesting, and it kinda went from there. Did you know he's a virgin? He
sure can tease."
Ritemo made fun of suicidal people. As I scanned Kou's arms and wrists, I saw
lines of scarring. He had it bad.
"Can I call you something else? I have bad memories of a boy named Kou."
"My name isn't actually Kou, I just prefer it to my real name. It's Shota."
"Shota? That isn't a bad name."
"Just my preference. I never said it was a bad name. You are...?"
"Shunchou."
"And you're Japanese? I'm only part Japanese."
"Yes."
"Ritemo is a mix of a lot of things, it's so cool. He can speak nearly
everything."
I stared at the man he was talking about, looking at his eyes in particular.
They really didn't seem very Asian. It was evident he was part Asian,
nevertheless.
"I'm going to finish my food, you two can wait,” Kou then chanted.
As he danced back into the kitchen, opening the door that separated the living
room and that room, Ritemo and I both gazed at the ground awkwardly.
"What's this about a tattoo?"
"It represents strength and fierceness... I got it made when I was... born."
"Why would your parents put you through that?"
"It's passed down. My father has a tattoo of a tiger on his back. Mine means
more to me than a tiger would. I want you to know now that living here also
means training under me, killing others, assassinating people... you can do it,
can't you?"
"I can."
"Good. If you cut yourself or turn out suicidal, I will literally lock you in a
closet until you stop it. Shota went through that. He ended up trying to bite
and eat himself. It's crazy what humans do in darkness."
"Isn't that considered torture?"
"Maybe so. He was in there for ten days. His new hobby is reading. He's always
wanted to be a doctor, so he's pursuing it by being my personal doctor. I
depend on him, and he knows that. He killed and no one found the body or
suspected he was the killer. That's the difference between him and us."
"I didn't imagine you'd be a virgin. Though, the age of consent is 18. Are you
trying not to break the rule?"
"That isn't it. I haven't found a love interest. I only have sex with my lover.
I am a romanticist, Shunchou.”
I wasn't a love interest of his?
"Explain to me why you kissed me... do you have no feelings for me, either?"
"You wouldn't want me. This face is horrendous," he laughed cruelly, glancing
to the side, face so pained it made my heart churn.
"Why would I judge you for your face? I'm sexually attracted to you and your
body. That's how animals are, after all. Cats blindly find mates with the
opposite sex organ and... produce offspring. Humans are rather different.
Humans judge each other for their faces, fat storage, and bodies. A 300 pound
woman is less likely to have a sex partner than a thinner one. If only humans
could be like other animals. Animals' logic is... if it has a dick, I want to
make its babies! You know?" I ranted.
"I agree. Humans have been brought up and raised over the generations to be the
cruelest of all creatures. You could even say that about me. I kill other
humans, and they find it to be bad. Animals kill each other and no one cares
about that. Because we're all humans, we worry about not killing each other.
The population isn't going to decrease. Every second, another child is born. I
never asked to be born. I could die and it wouldn't matter. It really, really
wouldn't."
"It would matter to me. If only I could produce... offspring with you."
"Don't flatter me. I just murdered my sisters, why are you so soft on me?"
"Did you have a reason?"
"I just felt pissed off about my parents finding out I had sex with my sisters.
They did want it. It's impossible not to want sex. People may not want it, but
their bodies say otherwise because... humans are dirty animals who need to
reproduce, that's all. They told me to keep going. It was not rape, they never
told me to stop. I wanted to please them, even though I felt no pleasure. I
killed them and... placed the bodies in my parents' room. They were off
enjoying dinner with each other. My dad came home as I was leaving, found them,
called the police... here I am. He is not a witness. He is nothing. He merely
came home. My fingerprints are not on them anywhere. He spouted nonsense to
them and they believed it. Society makes little sense. Everyone believes
adults."
"Only adults' opinions matter. I'm still a child, even though I can explain my
beliefs in detail. They aren't nonsensical. So long as no one catches me, I'll
be fine. Wait, don't you pay for the expenses here? Isn't the house under your
name? Won't they track us down and get us?"
"No, it's under Shota's name and he pays for everything with my money. None of
my money is in a bank account, so they can't find me. You're just fine."
"Where do you get your money from?"
"Blackmail, hacking... as I said, I took my parents' money before I left. My
dad has a lot."
"You're not scared of anything, are you? I've never met a guy like you. If you
were in the asylum, you'd have found a way to get out immediately,” I went on.
"Why do you talk about it...?"
"What?"
"Things from my past... I don't talk about. Are you just open to me? I find
that attractive."
"It's not like I talk to everyone about it."
We both heard a loud explosion sound. Ritemo slapped himself in the face, "Not
again, Shota! Learn to cook next time!"
"I'm sorry!"
"Do you want to go somewhere with me? I found out about it just yesterday,”
Ritemo whispered.
"Is it far from here? I don't want the police to recognize me."
"Even if they did, I'd make them pass out."
"Why can't you live as my bodyguard?"
"I'm no good at protecting people."
"You saved me back there."
"I saved you, I didn't protect you."
His logic hurt my brain. He was even smarter than Kokari. He was really
attractive and smart. He could be mine. No one else wanted him, but I would
have him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Are you fucking kidding me? What is this place?!" I exclaimed.
"A convention for you. All your fans gather around and discuss your books."
"B-But it's so packed here... there's even that line outside. When was this
made? My books are new.”
"More fans than you thought, huh? There are a lot of gay guys around here,
too."
A girl walked over timidly, blushing and trembling. She looked so much like
Yumi, I briefly wondered if she had a twin.
"D-Did you say a convention for 'you'? Oh my god... are you Shu? I feel like
I'm going to pass out...."
"Don't tell anyone, this guy wants to be anonymous. Yes, he is Shu."
"I knew it! And you're the sexy green haired guy...."
"What did you write about me, Shunchou? Care to tell?" Ritemo inquired.
"Nope."
"In your latest book?"
"Yes."
"I'll read it. They sell merchandise of your characters here, did you know
that? The way they perceive them. The redheaded one looks a bit like you."
"Are you two together?" she squeaked, "You're supposed to be with Kokari!"
"You're a Kokari x Shuni fan? All my fans either like Rimo x Shuni or Kokari x
Shuni."
"I'm a hardcore Kokari x Shuni fan! I write a ton of fanfictions on them!"
Another girl raced over, this one looking more creepy. "Can you... cosplay
as... Rimo and Shuni? Wait, is that your cosplay? You're so good at it...
hehe...."
"Yes, we're cosplaying," I lied, gaping at all the other cosplayers in the
room. I had a lot of male fans, as well. It was crazy!
"Your face is very beautiful," she uttered, stroking Ritemo's cheeks. He gave
me a look.
At least I was liked by people. It was a new feat for me. I was only liked by
Ritemo and Kokari, after all. Even Kokari had fans.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“There’s something else I wanted to show you. I think it’s really cool, though
it isn’t mine. There’s this guy who dumps bodies in the lake every day during
this time. Look, it’s him,” he uttered, huddling close by as we hid behind the
thorn bush.
Sitting in a pile of scattered leaves, I observed the redhead as he brought a
severed head to the side of the lake and tossed it in. There was a pile of them
in the water, from what I could tell. It was his collection.
“Where do you put the bodies when you kill people?” I questioned. The guy
looked oddly familiar to me.
“Me? A killer doesn’t tell their secrets.”
“I feel like I’m going to throw up, we should go. There are bugs everywhere….”
“Wait.”
“Let’s go!”
“Hold on, it’s getting good. He meets this kid here every day. I want to come
out when he tries to kill the kid, so I can arrest him.”
“Arrest him? That isn’t like you.”
“I forgot to mention it. I’m a part of what you may call the… secret police,
hehe.”
“Ritemo, I think I’m panicking, we have to get out of here right now,” I
mentioned.
“Chill out!”
“If I pass out, it’s on you,” I growled, feeling flushed and sweaty all of a
sudden.
"Look, this guy's a psycho."
It was unnerving, somehow. I felt like I recognized the guy, especially when he
turned around and I could see his face a bit. Who was that man?
A boy ran up to him, younger than me. The man placed his hands behind his back,
hiding them from the boy... or so I thought.
Meters away, there was a family setting up a picnic blanket. The redhead had
his eyes on the silver-haired boy in the family, the one with fatty yet
attractive legs. All legs were attractive if they had... thick thighs.
"That boy can't go home,” Ritemo then uttered.
"What?"
"That guy is possessive. No one can run from him. He's killed lots of boys who
went into his trap."
"How did you find out about this?"
"A boy told me about him, one in our grade. He was going out with that man. You
wouldn't know the kid because he died before you enrolled. He told me to look
here if he ever disappeared. His body is down in that lake."
"Holy shit...." I shuddered.
"The boy was cheerful, scarily cheerful. When he met Shenzo, he became
unattached, morose, and talked about suicide to me. Shenzo thwarted him."
"Shenzo... where have I heard that before? I swear, I know that guy!"
Ritemo stared at me, smiling softly.
"Two redheads, two similar names, the same clothing style... what if you're
related? Don't look so serious, I'm only joking."
"What if you're right?"
"In that case, he could be your father."
I stared off into the distance, eyes not only focusing on 'Shenzo', but the
family close by. He was a predator. He was a sadist.
"Am I sadistic?" I pondered.
"What a question. Those with the intent to kill are labeled as sadists, but you
can't even hurt a fly. You harm humans, but you have fear. Do you enjoy pain?
Would you say you like inflicting pain?"
"Who enjoys pain? In some cases, I guess... don't all people like causing pain
from time to time?"
"Would you call it an abnormal obsession?"
"Maybe."
"I need precise answers. Sadism is a virtue."
"If he's sadistic, what am I? Am I bad like him? Is he really like me? Our
personalities have to clash... somewhat."
"You're more of a coward than he. I would call you bad. He's a pedophile who
rapes children and kills them. You are into those things, aren't you? Even if
you disagree, people only write about things they enjoy writing about. You
didn't expect payment for writing, yet you did it because it entertained you.
You like writing about such things, as I stated.”
"S-So it's possible?"
"Definitely."
"...He got rid of me... he's probably not married or anything, and he doesn't
look that old... what if he raped my mom?"
"Why ask me these things?"
"What would Kokari say?"
"He'd tell you to be quiet."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ritemo's jacket swished in the wind as he took a small bottle with capsules in
it out of his pocket. I peeked out from the doorway, suddenly pissed.
"You said you weren't an addict. You're asking for suicide. I recognize that
drug, too. It was spread around in the asylum for a while. You'll die if you
keep taking that."
"This thing? It's not so bad. I have a higher tolerance than others. I'm not
addicted to a particular drug. I used to do heroin, you know. I use them to...
heighten sexual pleasure. It makes me feel better during masturbation, I should
say."
"What do you take?"
"Whoonga, Molly, Methamphetamine, PCP...."
"You've got it bad. You'll die from it!"
"The thrill of it is the point. I know I might die. There's a chance of dying
from everything, though. When you go to a swimming pool or beach, you may
drown. When you're in your house, you risk dying by fire randomly. When on the
trampoline, you risk falling on your head or damaging yourself. Kids get
concussions and, quite possibly, permanent brain damage from sports. People get
hypertension from overstimulating their hearts by running too much... you get
it? Don't tell me how to live my life," he sighed, eyes full of malice. He was
scarier than he should be.
"Are you saying that as long as it's fun, it's okay? 'Oh, at least they died
doing what they enjoyed,’ my ass, Ritemo. Some leader you are. Did I say
leader? I meant to say trainer. That just isn't how the world works. I can't
even agree with that one. You're hurting yourself."
"What can you do?"
"Nothing. I'm just saying that you risking your life isn't my problem. If you
suffer from those, know I warned you. No one wants to go out with a drug
addict."
"So you're saying you won't date me because of a hobby I have?" he sneered.
"Drug abuse is not a fucking hobby, Ritemo! You're an addict! Where do you get
that shit?"
"Connections... and don't call me an addict."
"Connections. You act like you have the fucking mafia on your side. I wouldn't
be surprised, coming from you. Drug addicts are people who depend on drugs
daily. You take them daily, don't you? You make fun of suicide, but you're
killing your body. Would you like to die like suicidal freaks?"
"Everyone wants to die. It's impossible not to feel that, in this day and age.
Everyone feels ugly, fat, unwanted, hurt, sad... I cope differently than you.
If I weren't around, you would have run away and killed yourself. No, you would
have gotten caught by the police and found a way to kill yourself in jail. All
humans want to die during bad times. Times have always been rough for me...
always...."
"How was today rough, huh? We ran away together, we went to the place where my
fans gather, we saw the Shenzo guy, we talked... how was it bad for you?"
"I wake up every morning and think that I'm better off than others. Still, my
situation is worse than yours. Don't act like you know me," he snapped,
hostility rising.
"Worse than mine? Maybe you raped your sisters, but you didn't see your
friend's dead body and watch people get abused! You didn't get attacked by a
demon! You didn't get shots every week, you didn't have your love interest get
strangled by your best friend... shit, you're nothing compared to me!"
"I've killed some acquaintances and friends of mine. I've watched them kill
each other. One of them drugged me until I passed out and I woke up to see a
tattoo burned into my arm that said 'asshole'. I've killed too many people, I
lost count... I was bullied so much, I purged food and got fat, and that only
made it worse. My suffering isn't mental like yours. It's emotional,
physical... I get withdrawal symptoms, hurt myself because I want to fit
people's standards... to top it off, my parents didn't want a boy, so they've
treated me hard all my life... fuck you!" he downright snarled, launching
forward and slamming me against the door. Along the way, I had come outside
with him.
"Fuck me, alright. Fuck me and my ways. Am I going to be killed like your other
friends? Can you not respect my opinion? We both have trauma, but I'm not
crying over it. Your eyes are red, you're doing drugs, you smoke, and yet you
call others stupid for wanting to kill themselves? What are you talking about?
Look in the mirror, ass hat!"
"Is it not... okay to feel depression, indirectly kill myself? I couldn't stand
the thought of severing my own body part, lynching my head off, cutting,
drinking bleach... it's better to not feel it all at once. I am a hypocrite.
I'm an asshole. Do you have to hate me? Everyone else has already played that
role."
"Is that what it comes down to, whether I hate you or not? Stop doing drugs or
I'll lock you in that closet for ten days. Stop hurting yourself."
"I can't-"
"You can! Become addicted to something else! Fucking be addicted to me, if you
want!"
"That was a bold statement."
"Well... I'm serious about this!" I cried, grabbing his hand and throwing the
bottle, wrapping my arms around him to distract him. From what I knew, he had
been doing drugs for over a year, maybe two years. He wasn't extremely far
gone.
"Careful, you'll hurt my arm."
"What are things you don't like doing? Try to avoid those for the next few
days."
"Running, eating salad, watching TV, feeling lost... and getting lost."
"What are things you like doing? Try to do those, instead. Stop feeling
stress."
"...Meditating, killing, talking to you, eating, feeling pleasure, reading your
stories, watching anime...."
"Go eat. I'm going to make a really big feast for you, just wait. You haven't
eaten yet."
"I'll get fat if you do that."
"How are you so skinny?"
"I do this thing where I... turn the temperature up very high in my room and
meditate. It calms me down and gets me sweaty, so I lose weight. It's not a
problem because I have the money to pay for the heat. When I'm feeling
particularly sour, I make it extremely cold and sit through it. I'm raising a
tolerance to heat and cold while losing weight."
"Aren't you afraid of dying from something like that?"
"Not to worry, I stay hydrated. Do you want to go to a public bath together?"
"Is Shota coming?"
"I want to walk with you and only you. Talking to you is enjoyable."
"Enjoyable?"
"You're interesting."
"Ritemo, what is your religion?"
"That came out of nowhere. I'm an atheist."
"Ah... why is that?"
"Don't tell me you're one of those God worshippers."
"No, I'm agnostic."
"Well, people rely on this invisible figure somewhere, maybe in the sky, to
help them through life... like a genie who grants your wishes. Where is the
proof that this man exists? I once asked someone, and they said that book. A
book written thousands of years ago is no longer reliable. To boot, how was
that man born? They told me he's always been, which is illogical on all levels.
If I ask you how you were born, would you say you've always been? That's
blasphemy. There is no proof praying helps whatsoever. In an experiment in
which 500 dying people at a hospital were wanting to be prayed for, they got
around 250 people to pray for half, while the other was not prayed for...
though they didn't know it. No one got better, in the end."
"You really hate humans."
"I am only part human."
"What? Really? What are you?"
"Half demon."
"Shit, how?! I thought that was only in the asylum... what?"
"Are you one, as well? I was cursed to be this way."
"By who?"
"That... I can't tell."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I awoke in the morning with a startling headache, light bleeding through the
thinness of his blinds. I rustled around, uncovering myself from the layers of
blankets surrounding me. I looked down to see Ritemo in all his splendor. He
was shirtless, so I, for a second, perceived it to be normal for him to do that
before he slept.
Slowly, I moved the blankets astray, seeing he was more naked than I thought.
I was drunk and we did it. I took his virginity and I couldn't remember it! It
wasn't exactly... bad, but... I wanted to remember it.
I stared at his sleeping face, wondering why he looked so sullen, sadness
gracing his face as he slept in the fetal position. I set my hand on his arm,
wanting to rock him awake.
Until he spoke, that was.
"Papa...."
It was as if he were reminiscing his childhood. Then, why was he so upset?
Unless he had a worse childhood than I thought.
I waited a few seconds more, awaiting another word from his mouth. Instead, I
received tears racing down his cheek. I quickly shook him, moved him hard
against the bed.
"Monster... monster, it's a monster! It won't leave... it won't leave...." he
moaned, sweat collecting under my fingertips. I continued to shake him, calling
his name as he spoke of a horrific beast. "It isn't me, it isn't me!"
I shoved him on to his back, slapping him square in the face, a bright red
blotch winking back at me as his eyes broke open.
"Shunchou?"
"The hell were you dreaming about?"
He sat up, arms acting as brittle companions as he tried to move back with the
weight of them on the bed. He looked down, showing off the ugly, sad smile that
I despised. Ritemo didn't deserve any misery or pain.
"I was a kid again... my dad and I, we were at a festival. We got separated,
and I came back to see him talking to the older me. That version tried to kill
my dad, and so... he kept calling that version of me a... monster. When
realization hit me that yes, that was me, I felt terrible inside. Am I really
that vicious? Watching myself decapitate him, I wondered if that was even me. I
hate seeing myself kill. When it's someone else, it's fine. When people talk
about killing with me, it's fine. Seeing the product of what I do... hurts me."
"Hurts you? You feel remorse?"
"Something akin to that, yes. While it's happening, I always feel... high, I
guess. I don't think, I just do it. You really got me thinking last night,
however. I do drugs because it's a way of forgetting about what I did. Instead
of feeling hatred towards myself, I forget all about it. I am a horrendous boy.
Tell me, Shunchou, how did you feel after you killed? Do you feel regret?"
"It slipped my mind. I was distracted. Then again, I hardly knew them, so it
was a mere annihilation for me. If I had to kill Kokari, I would feel bad.
Worse than bad, I'd probably want to kill myself."
"And to cope with it?"
"I'd write. I'd write and put all my feelings into the characters, because
that's what I do best."
"I know I'm going to go crazy without drugs, and I'll crave them. While I'm
still sane, will you go somewhere with me?" he pressed.
"Tell me where we're going."
"The pool. It's exceptionally hot outside today."
"I can't swim...."
"I shall teach you. We will have fun. I will get sidetracked with you around."
Knowing him, he had other intentions. That was his pattern. He said he'd do
something, but he did something else. Ritemo was going to kill. Killing was his
method of getting ‘high.’ It was extremely fucked up, corrupt. That was in his
nature.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's your turn, Shunchou. Why are you standing back? Come here, this is your
first target,” Ritemo cackled.
I felt ill inside as he slammed his combat boot down on the innocent man's
face, looking oddly like a tyrant. It was a scene Kou would make up. Kou, the
bully.
"You're only remaking it. Kids bullied you like this, so you're doing it to
others in return," I uttered, earning a sharp turn of the head from him. His
eyes were crazy, bulging and unhinged. He was deranged.
"I don't think of myself when I do these things. I'm not like them. They knew
me and hated me for no reason. I don't know this man, but just looking at
him... angers me. The key to killing cleanly, perfectly, is to feel...
nothing... toward your victim. Let it all go, release your thoughts. I could
kill anyone and everyone. They mean nothing to me. They deserve this, for being
rotten humans."
"But he has a family. How far does your thought process go? You were fully
human, too. It's not his fault that he isn't part demon."
"Thank you for the banter, but I can read people as well as I can read
situations. Let me tell you, I excel. This man has a wife, yet he got another
woman pregnant. He wants to see the look on his wife's face when the pregnant
woman is uncovered. He wants to watch her cry, break his son's heart, divorce
her... and he wishes to do it to many women to come. He is trash. He does it
all because he is gay and believes it is right to hurt women to get equality.
He wants Japan to acknowledge his sexual orientation is not bad. My gay-dar is
never wrong, didn't you know? I knew you were gay, as well."
"How could you know any of that?"
"Is my intelligence too much for you to handle? I am simply not a putrid rat of
a human. You can tell someone's story from looking in their eyes, have you
heard that one? I could not read your story. You're difficult to read,
Shunchou. I, too, am difficult to read. Even when reflected against this
version of me, I could not tell what I, myself, was thinking. You'll get
nowhere in life, thinking you can only kill those who deserve to be killed.
Where there is intent, there is an explanation. I have no explanation. I do
what my body wants me to do."
"That isn't a good thing. You'd be getting raped and you'd listen to your
body's pleasure?"
"My body would not lie to me. You rely on your body to survive. My heart is
beating right now because it wants me to live. If, someday, it happens to stop
beating, I will submit to that request. I will know that it wants me to die.
Can't you smell his clean flesh, ready to be cut into and torn apart? Do you
lust to devour some of it?"
The only thing I submitted to was the dryness of my mouth and the ominous vibe
I got from him. I was trying to convince a killer that what he was doing was
wrong.
It was impossible. I, too, wanted to give in.
"Your body is a liar. Females should want to bleed, they should accept
menstrual cycles? Do they deserve it?"
"Females are disgusting, more so than males. They deserve everything that comes
to them."
"Why?"
"They worry over simple-minded things. They fret over their hair, their makeup,
their nails, their odor, what boys think of them, whether they're pretty
enough, whether anyone wants them, whether their busts are big enough, and
more. They do nothing to contribute to society. They are not the better gender.
They are merely here to produce babies. If males could do that, we wouldn't
need females at all. They are pointless."
"Then why the fuck do you hate this man so much, since he wanted to hurt those
females you so loathe? I don't understand you. You contradict everything! I
wanted to have fun at the pool, not get in this long winded discussion in the
bathroom! I'm going home."
"I don't feel for the female species. I fucking knew his damn wife, she was the
mother of my old friend. I can spare her."
"So people should die unless they're acquainted to you, is that what you're
saying? I'm still alive because I know you, because you somewhat care for my
existence?"
"Such disrespect you spat."
"And I should bow down to you and kiss your toes? Get off your high horse! What
good have you done to contribute to society, huh? You steal money, you kill,
you waste that money on drugs, you... you asshole! You worried about your
weight, you worry about your acne, you worry about things females carry on
about! Fucking shut the hell up already! You really are shitty, choking Shizuki
with drugs, he could have died because of you. For what, wanting to be closer
than an acquaintance? People should die if they're worse or better than an
acquaintance, huh?"
"In that case, you would be dead."
"How is Shizuki any different?"
"He threatened to call the police on me."
"So, what? You said that happens every day."
"He and these kids wrote a fake death threat and gave it to me... at the time,
I didn't know it was fake. I took it seriously and felt, well, scared. I was
all riled up until he told me that it wasn't real, and that he had been in on
it."
"So?"
"Betrayal is my nemesis. If you betray me, I will have to kill you. Everyone
should obey. Everyone should be obedient towards me."
He was serious. He was the most insane person I had ever met, worse than Kou.
I thought I had been saved from the insanity of the insane asylum, but it had
followed me. With Shizuki, with Ritemo, with the police chasing me... it was
all insanity.
I was trapped in never ending delirium.
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!