Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/660927.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Naruto
  Relationship:
      Hatake_Kakashi/Umino_Iruka, Umino_Iruka/Uzumaki_Naruto
  Character:
      Hatake_Kakashi, Umino_Iruka, Uzumaki_Naruto, Morino_Ibiki
  Stats:
      Published: 2008-03-26 Completed: 2008-03-28 Chapters: 11/11 Words: 18705
****** Painful Desires Broken ******
by Kiterie
Summary
     After an abusive relationship with Mizuki, Iruka learns to associate
     pain with love this carries over to his relationship with Ibiki and
     consequently a confused Naruto tries to intercede. At Ibiki's request
     Kakashi steps in to help. ONLY the Prelude chapter fits the warnings
     and it can be skipped.
Notes
     The prelude was written by Dominic Shade and Bruce's Girl. They gave
     the plot bunny up in a club on y-gallery.
***** Prelude *****
Naruto's blue eyes lit with something akin to annoyance as he watched Ibiki
leave Iruka-sensei's apartment. He could have sworn the man looked up at him
with a smug smirk on his scarred face as he passed under the tree, and as much
as Naruto wanted to unzip his pants and take a piss on Ibiki's covered head, he
restrained himself. Instead, he glanced up into the window, and his gaze went
soft again as he watched Iruka stir. He was rubbing his wrists from the rope
marks that Ibiki had put on him the night before during their 'session' as
Ibiki called it.
Naruto growled and dropped out of the tree. Iruka-sensei had been so worried
about Ibiki… all the time, he was with Ibiki, only taking that one night a week
to buy Naruto ramen and sit with him at Ichiraku's. Well, Ibiki was gone on a
mission now, and Naruto felt a smile tug at his lips. Iruka was taking him to
Ichiraku's tonight, and maybe that meant he could get the brunette to spend
some quality time with him.
Iruka smiled down at the marks over his slender wrists, enjoying the thrill of
pleasure that crept leisurely down his spine at the sight and memory of them.
When Ibiki went off on mission that would probably take more then a few days,
they always played games; Iruka submitting to each fantasy his lover came up
with.
It was amazing. Each and every time. Even the aftershocks of his orgasms seemed
to last for days after and sometimes Iruka would wake himself up from his loud
moans.
He sighed and sat up, his lower back aching wonderfully. A tingle stroked the
tiny hairs on his neck and he turned halfway, stopping short of gazing out the
window.
Iruka didn't know who Naruto thought he was kidding. That boy's chakra was
connected to his erratic emotions and therefore, not sensing it was like not
noticing…Kakashi without his porn. It was obvious and slightly disconcerting.
He grinned to himself and shook his head. Part of him was glad that Naruto
still had some things to learn, even after his great return with Jiraiya-sama.
It meant that the wild blonde would still…always need his help.
Iruka chuckled dryly at himself and grabbed a pair of not-so-fresh boxers from
the floor and slipped them on.
He knew Naruto was probably thinking of some horrible (and probably smelly)
prank to pull on him. The school teacher winced. He'd been ignoring Naruto for
a bit now hadn't he? Not on purpose of course…but well, it was sort of hard to
balance a boyfriend as possessive as Ibiki and…anything else.
Iruka grinned and walked to the bathroom, pausing for a moment before turning
to glance over his shoulder. But as always, Naruto had already gone.
He stared at the empty branch and shook his head again. Tonight he'd spend time
with Naruto. It'd be like it was before. Maybe he could even goad Naruto into a
sparring match, it might even be fun!
The brunette smiled and continued with his morning routine. It'd be like it
was…
The day passed for the blond slower than he wanted to admit. Kakashi and
Saskura were out on a mission, and for now, the act of looking for Sasuke, that
Uchiha bastard, was on pause while everyone rested.
So, to put it lightly, Naruto was painfully bored. He spent his afternoon
eating ramen and watching the clouds with Shikamaru and visiting the KIA stone
to say hello to Iruka's parents and whoever it was that Kakashi-sensei was
always talking to.
He stuffed his palms in his hair, and he relaxed as he walked through the
village, the light of the day finally waning, marking his time to be at
Ichiraku's most imminent. As he neared the ramen stand, he frowned. Iruka
sensei was no where to be found, but he'd probably come soon. Naruto grinned at
the old owner, and his eyes curled up in happiness.
"Oi, gimme a bowl of your miso, old man. I'm hungry, 'ttebayo!"
"Payment first, Naruto! Last time, you paid for one and ate ten!"
"Maa, stop your griping," Naruto whined, blue eyes shimmering with hunger,
"Please?"
The old man was a sucker for Naruto's puppy dog eyes, and soon, the blond was
happily slurping down the best miso in Konoha. Iruka-sensei would be there
shortly, and Naruto just smiled to himself when he thought about spending time
with his precious sensei.
He'd been so lonely.
Iruka trudged to the ramen stand, his hair still wet from his surprise shower.
How Konohamaru and his little gang kept inventing new ways to annoy him that
rivaled even Naruto was a mystery.
He scowled and rang out water from his swinging ponytail. Maybe Naruto would be
happy to just have one bowl this time. Iruka didn't entertain the thought for
very long and he sighed his despair.
All he wanted to do was go home and relax for an hour before he had to finish
up some grading.
The school teacher stopped to chat with a few parents and then broke into a
quick job, feeling a bit guilty for making Naruto wait for him. Not like the
teen hadn't ever made him wait…but still.
It wasn't like he didn't miss Naruto, because he did. Those three years had
been torture for him until Ibiki had properly distracted him. It was just…hard
to fit Naruto in now, as much as it pained Iruka to think it.
He rounded the corner and smiled at the blond hunched over the bar, talking and
eating at the same time. Iruka shook his head and clapped Naruto on the back as
he neared.
"Oi! You started without me?" he said, pretending to be indignant while he took
a seat.
"You're getting as bad as Kakashi-sensei," Naruto grumbled with a mouth full of
noodles. Of course, he wouldn't mention that Kakashi always apologized for
being late in the –nicest- way possible. He didn't mention that he'd seen Ibiki
leaving Iruka's –again-, and he didn't make a note of the fact that Iruka's
slender wrists had rope burns on them.
Instead, Naruto only ate his Ramen and smiled his smile. "Maaa, Iruka-sensei,
buy some sake for us." Really, it was stupid to having a drinking law in a
ninja village… Naruto had killed people already, and he couldn't drink alcohol?
What a crock of shit.
He thought about it though, and the idea of spending time with Iruka sensei
when he'd rather be somewhere else was unappetizing to say the least. Naruto
wondered if that one time a week that Iruka-sensei –afforded- him now was a
burden to the other man rather than time he wanted to spend with Naruto.
It left a nasty aftertaste in the shinobi's mouth.
 
He glanced over to Iruka with his deceptively happy blue eyes, and for once,
Naruto stopped at his first bowl of ramen and threw money on the counter.
Enough to cover the meal. "On second thought, I think I just wanna go home
tonight. I know you've got other places you wanna be, Iruka-sensei! Catch you
later, 'ttebayo!"
His hands stuffed behind his head per usual, but even the owner of Ichiraku's
was staring after him. Only one bowl of ramen –and- he got full payment? There
was something wrong with Naruto.
Iruka furrowed his brows and shared a disturbed look with the cook before
sliding off his stool and catching up with Naruto. He reached for the boy's
shoulder and held tight, frowning.
"Naruto?" he asked. "What's wrong? And why would you say something like that?
You know I like spending time with you, you're important to me."
Iruka winced and turned Naruto to face him. "I'm sorry I haven't had very much
time for you Naruto…but come on, let me buy you some more ramen?"
"Maa, I'm not hungry right now," Naruto smiled brightly and rubbed the back of
his head. "Just not the right night of the week for us to meet, you know?
Kakashi's gone, and it's kinda nice to be alone." His eyes were still bright,
but if it was one thing Naruto hated the most, it was being alone.
He turned his back on Iruka, but the difference in his stance was obviously
more rigid. "You know, Iruka-sensei, I think we spend too much time together.
Let's cut it down to once a month," he paused and dropped his arms from his
hair, eyes pointedly going serious. "I'm sure Ibiki-san would like that."
He turned away from Iruka and began to walk, feet heavily clomping on the dusty
road. He knew… knew he shouldn't try to hurt Iruka on purpose, but he couldn't
help himself. Iruka just didn't understand…
Iruka stared after him in surprise. Naruto and Kakashi…was he saying that they
were…were… No, not possible, not his little Naruto, the same brat who had made
him grow three gray hairs within his first year of teaching the blond.
He shook his head again, deeply stung. Is that what Naruto really thought about
their time together? That it was too much… Then the other things said and
unsaid clicked into place and Iruka frowned sternly, crossing his arms over his
chest as strictly as he could.
"Naruto!" he ground out.
Great, so Naruto was jealous. Iruka felt his temple throb. Had he really been
so wrapped up in Ibiki that he'd ignored Naruto this much? It didn't seem
possible but…well before, they had spent almost every night together at the
ramen stand, or sometimes they'd go to the hot springs. And now Iruka had
somehow managed to push Naruto out of his life and squashed their time down to
meeting once a week?
Naruto didn't even look behind him as he stopped. The familiar picture of him
clenching his fists probably struck the Chuunin, but the happy gleam of
determination wasn't in the cobalt eyes when they graced Iruka's face. His gaze
was furious. Filled with absolute anger as he turned fully and pointed to his
black hitae-ate.
"I'm glad I have this one. That way I don't get yours all ripped up anymore
than it was. It reminds me of you."
Ero-sannin gave him the black one, and he'd mentioned that he resembled someone
he once knew and respected, something had made Naruto's chest puff out in
confidence and his eyes lighten in pride. But now, when he thought of wearing
Iruka's protector… It made him rather sick. Iruka didn't think anything of
Naruto anymore.
Then, like a wind of change burst over him, he smiled again. Oh, it was so much
easier to smile than frown. He waved in the air and shrugged. "Don't get mad,
Iruka-sensei." He turned again and put his hands behind his head. "Everyone
changes."
Iruka glared and walked up to Naruto, spinning him around and jabbing a finger
into his chest.
"Now listen," he said determinedly. "I know I haven't spending time with you
like I should have, I know you're jealous, and I know that I should have
considered your feelings…"
He set his jaw, trying very hard not to let pent up aggression spill out. After
all, Naruto had been the one to leave first! He'd been the one to go off and
train to be a better shinobi and leave Iruka behind.
The school teacher closed his eyes and just sighed. "I don't want to have this
conversation with you," he said sternly. "Not now…if you want to leave again
just do it alright?"
"Well," Naruto turned again and paused, "I was leaving, but you keep stopping
me, Iruka-sensei." His voice lowered. Surprisingly, as a teenager, his voice
had taken on a smoky timbre that was both seductive and sensual when his tone
dropped. "Do you not want me to leave?"
One of his golden tan hands went to rest on his hip, and the other scraped
through his blond hair in exasperation. "You can come over, Iruka-sensei. Let's
get a glass of tea, ne?" He began to walk, leading Iruka to his apartment. He
didn't even bother to take to the rooftops or balconies tonight.
It was too pretty outside to rush home.
As he neared the steps that led up to his apartment, he paused, for the first
time looking behind him. He sighed and opened his door, not really having any
reason at the moment to keep it locked. Really the only thing of value was just
a picture…
"Come in, Iruka-sensei." He entered into the small apartment. It was clean, but
lived in. He kicked off his shoes and flicked on the light with a grumble and
migrated to the kitchen. "Tea?"
Iruka frowned severely at the shorter shinobi. "No thank you, I'm fine."
He stood stiffly, eyeing Naruto's back. "What did you mean before about
Kakashi-sensei?" he blurted, unable to help himself. "Are…Naruto are you and
he…together?"
Naruto paused and then laughed. "Iruka-sensei! Why would you think somethin'
like that? We're always hanging out. He gets bored being by himself all the
time, and when he's late, he gives me ramen to keep me from telling Old Lady
Tsunade. He comes over here and we play Goh all the time…"
Naruto took out a glass and then a carton of milk. He poured it for himself and
then grinned. "Jealous?"
"More disgusted," Iruka snorted. "If Kakashi-sensei had been taking advantage
of you like that…"
He shook his head. No, of course it hadn't been like that, Naruto was far too
innocent to even consider…even if he had spent the last three years with that
dirty sannin. Iruka rubbed the bridge of his nose and blushed, offering Naruto
a guilty sort of grin as he scratched the back of his head.
"So…do you want to talk about it?" Iruka asked, serious again.
"Maa, this milk is sour." Naruto wrinkled his nose and put the glass down. He'd
forgotten to buy more. He watched as Iruka showed exasperation, and with a
sheepish grin, he shook his head. "Talk about what, Iruka-sensei?"
Talk about how Ibiki tied him to the bed? About how Ibiki made Iruka cry tears
of pain as he whipped his ass raw? Naruto wondered if the marks would still be
there. Slowly, he approached Iruka, who seemed rather out of place in the
little apartment, and he reached for his forearm and held up his wrist, showing
it to Iruka…bruises and rope burns together.
"Talk about –what-, Iruka-sensei?" The smile had disappeared, and all that was
left was an empty hunger. A straight face that only Iruka would understand.
"This?" His thumb grazed over the bruises. "Or this?"
Naruto shoved Iruka so hard that the neighbors were probably wondering what was
happening. Iruka's ass hit the wall solidly, and Naruto's expression grew
dangerous. "We can talk about it…but do you really wanna tell me about that?"
Iruka hissed his pain and gasped, staring at Naruto with wide eyes as he pulled
his sleeves down to cover up his marks.
"How did…" he sputtered and inched back, pressing himself against the wall. "I
meant talk about how you felt…don't talk about things like that!"
The school teacher held his wrist defensively, surprised at the blonds' sudden
strength. How did Naruto know about it? He'd been careful…he thought he had.
But…Naruto knew? How? How?! He set his jaw and glared fiercely.
"It's none of your business!" Iruka snapped, feeling hurt and not knowing why.
"It's…just drop it would you?"
"You wanted to talk about it, Iruka-sensei," Naruto growled. He pushed Iruka
fully against the wall so that the Chuunin could also feel the wide bruises
across his back from his session with Ibiki the previous night. "This bothers
me," he said grabbing a tender wrist and squeezing it. "This bothers me," he
dropped the wrist and touched a bite mark on Iruka's caramel neck, "And this
bothers me."
His hand, hot and warm slid down under the waist band of Iruka's pants over his
ass, and he growled, the Kyuubi clear in his voice. His fingers traveled the
dusky division between the hard flesh of Iruka's ass, and he brushed his finger
over a softened, abused opening. "Maybe not Kakashi, but I'm not stupid."
His finger roughly shoved into Iruka's body, his entrance soft and obviously
well loved. It made Naruto furious. "This is what you've been ignoring me for?
Even when Mizuki was doing this-" the finger shoved in viciously again at an
angle, "You weren't ignoring me. What makes Ibiki any different?"
The blue eyes… they were tinged with red rings, a warning that Naruto was
losing his temper quickly. "It –bothers- me, Iruka-sensei," he whispered
vehemently.
Iruka gave a short cry as his hips bucked forward. He panted roughly then
gritted his teeth, slitting his eyes at Naruto and shoving at his chest with
both hands.
"Stop it!" he shouted. "Damn it Naruto! It's not the same as it was with Mizuki
alright?! And it's none of your business what I do in the privacy of my home…"
He grabbed the blonds' wrist and gripped it hard, pulling his hand from his
abused entrance. The school teacher closed his eyes and bit his tongue from
blurting out a round of hateful things he'd later regret to the boy. Slowly
though, his breathing calmed and then stuttered as he stared at Naruto with
wide doe eyes.
"Were you…" Iruka blinked, anger blossoming over his features and flushing his
cheeks red. "Damn it Naruto! Were you watching me?!"
It couldn't be…Ibiki would have certainly noticed, no matter how strong Naruto
had gotten! He wouldn't have allowed Naruto to spy on them like that!
His body ached where it was pressed against the unyielding wall and he hid a
wince, staring at Naruto with betrayed eyes, very much conscious of how he
seemed to be outmatched at the moment. Iruka clenched his jaw, ashamed of
himself for thinking that Naruto would actually hurt him…but…
"Don't touch me like that," the brunette seethed. "Not ever. Do you understand
me?"
"I'll touch you however the hell I want to, Iruka-sensei," Naruto growled, "And
I know you'll like it…because I know what you like." His fingers slid back over
Iruka's entrance to his body, but this time, they didn't' shove roughly in.
Instead, they rubbed there, coaxing, teasing some kind of reaction out of
Iruka.
"You let him hurt you," Naruto whispered, "I'd never hurt you." His fingers
scraped roughly across Iruka's ass against the harsh whip bruises before Naruto
was tearing at Iruka's pants wildly, trying to pull them off. He released Iruka
to do so, not even believing the teacher would ever push him away.
"Do you like it," Naruto asked, his voice cracking, "Do you like it when he
does that? I know it's not his idea. Ibiki –hates- rough sex. Kakashi-sensei
told me so." The blue eyes clenched shut as the material of Iruka's pants tore
in his palms, reminding the quiet air in the apartment how –strong- Naruto had
become.
"Why…" Naruto's eyes clenched tighter, "Why do you –want- to hurt? I don't
understand. Why would anyone –want- to hurt?" His fingers paused their actions,
and they brushed over the svelte caramel hips, his eyes taking in the splendor
of Iruka's skin. "I don't… I couldn't… ever hurt you."
Iruka kept his eyes closed tightly, his brows furrowed and his lips slightly
open. He didn't move, didn't push at Naruto or try to fight him. The words kept
him still, kept him passive. He hated it. It made him think about the answers.
He flinched as Naruto stripped him, laying his palms flat against the wall at
his sides.
Why…why… It burned him from the inside out that Naruto was looking at all his
scars, the self-inflicted ones as well as the many more he'd convinced Ibiki
into giving him. And then there were the old wounds…faded somewhat by time,
though a precious few still stood white against his whisky colored skin.
He loved them, each and every one of them. And hated them just as much.
Iruka opened his eyes slowly to gaze down at Naruto, his heart hesitating at
the feral look he received. He didn't know…he just didn't know… How could he
even begin to explain to Naruto how much better he felt when he bled? How the
pain made everything so real to him? How just the fact that Ibiki would agree
to hurt him like this showed how much the burly man loved him?
He stared at the blond and then gradually began to open his legs a little
wider. He wanted Naruto to see his thighs, see the red welts that he'd only
gotten last night, the new wounds that would scar beautifully…
"Naruto…" Iruka whispered, his voice hitching.
Naruto couldn't believe his eyes. They were deep. They were shallow. Some still
were bleeding. God… He leaned forward before he could stop himself, and he
kneeled in front of Iruka, blue eyes filled with pity, pain, and unidentifiable
lust. He lifted Iruka's right leg and rested his foot on his shoulder as he
knelt, baring all of Iruka's secrets to his eyes.
With a dark growl, Naruto leaned forward, and the flat of his tongue traveled
up Iruka's inner thigh, hot and wet against the hurt skin. He nibbled across
the unblemished skin and licked across the wounded, punished mocha expanse,
eyes closing as he lapped at it. His hands pressed against Iruka's hips,
pressing him to relax against the wall as he tasted sweat, blood, and something
that smelled indescribable.
His eyes opened misted, blood red with only slits for his elliptical pupils.
How long was it until Iruka would have to face the nightmare of the fox again?
Would he be terrified? As much as Naruto wanted to shove the fox down, his
sexuality and possessiveness all were parts of the Kyuubi…
And the fox was roaring forward as he looked up, running his tongue along a
long, vicious cut along the lateral meniscus on the twisting muscle of Iruka's
thigh. "You can't ask him to hurt you anymore," Naruto whispered. "Or I'll tell
him about what I'm fixing to do to you."
Iruka's pulse jack hammered in his throat as he tried to hold Naruto's wild
gaze. He couldn't and after a few moments he shut his eyes and let his head
drop back against the wall. He enjoyed Naruto's hot tongue as it swept along
his inner thigh, teasingly close…then slowly sliding away.
He was blushing heavily, he knew it; he could feel his ears burning. He
couldn't explain though…he needed Ibiki to hurt him. Ibiki was stronger; Ibiki
was the one to fuck him, not the other way around. It was his right to treat
Iruka so roughly, even if he didn't want to indulge in it.
Iruka wanted the shame of hiding scars. He was so used to it…how could Naruto
possibly understand? And he knew, of course he knew, that it was because of
Mizuki that he had this need, this compulsion. Ibiki knew it too.
He'd convinced Iruka to try and take it easy for a week. Just one week…but he
couldn't Iruka was too weak for it and had actually threatened Ibiki with
finding someone else to do it for him. That had worked. That night Ibiki had
bruised him so badly that it had been hard for him to walk the next day and he
took a number of sick days spent recovering in his bed.
It didn't matter though that he knew Mizuki's abuse had turned him into this…
He wanted it now.
Iruka glanced at Naruto, his brows coming together sorrowfully. And now…now the
boy he'd thought of as a son wanted to…was going to… He swallowed thickly as
his excitement rose. It was wrong, incredibly wrong. It would be Naruto, whom
he loved, and the dangerous Kyuubi whom he hated.
And Naruto was so strong…
"Please," Iruka muttered desperately. "You don't understand..."
Naruto could smell the excitement on Iruka's body… It wafted over his senses as
he slowly lowered that long, caramel leg to the cool wood floor and stood. He
was still a good couple of inches shorter than Iruka, but as he began to peel
off his black and orange jacket, his lean muscles shivered and contracted with
the efforts.
His body that had once been boyish and soft was now golden, and while he still
hadn't come to his full potential as a man, his body was lithe, impressively
built and golden brown like the color of burnished bronze. He never broke his
eye contact as he tugged off his shirt, pulling off his hitae-ate with it,
letting the blond locks fall down in his eyes.
"Iruka," he left off the honorific, changing their relationship in that one
split second of time, "You know what I'm going to do, don't you? You want it. I
can smell it on you." He stepped forward, reaching for Iruka's vest and pushing
it down off of his shoulders. His fingers grazed over Iruka's trembling stomach
slowly before he grabbed the edge of the shirt and pulled it off.
His finger pulled at the tie in Iruka's hair, and as it fell down in waves
around Iruka's face, Naruto's red eyes shimmered in unadulterated lust. Naruto
fisted a handful of the chocolate silk, and for the first time in their lives,
Naruto leaned forward and he kissed Iruka.
While the rest of him was wild and demanding, the kiss was not. It was slow,
soulful, and painfully experienced.
"Iruka, I'm going to fuck you," Naruto whispered, "So you'll never think about
ignoring me…ever again. And if you ever ask Ibiki to hurt you again, I'll know.
And I'll tell him –everything- I did to you. Including how long it took for you
to come with my cock in your ass."
At least he learned a few valuable things from traveling with the most
perverted man in history. Talking dirty was one of them.
Iruka bit his lip to stifle a whimper as his hair was yanked and he was kissed
thoroughly. It shouldn't be like this! Naruto was just a boy! He had been his
teacher…it was wrong for them to even think this and yet…. Apparently the blond
had been thinking about this incredibly immoral thing.
How could he have not noticed? How could Ibiki not have noticed? And if he had,
wouldn't he have warned Iruka?
The brunette gazed at Naruto, his warm brown eyes wide and timid for once.
"No," he begged. "I need it Naruto, please…you have no idea how much I need it,
even now."
Iruka shuddered at the teen's body heat and chakra seeping into him. He moaned
and closed his eyes, stepping out of his pants and staring wantonly into the
blue gaze burning him.
"You just don't understand," Iruka said softly. "…and just imagine what Ibiki
will do to you if you did tell him."
Naruto's lips kissed down Iruka's chest, and he paused at a dusky nipple,
nibbling it, and deeming it alright…to offer just a little bit of pain, he bit
into it, tongue laving across it.
"Yeah, he'd leave you," he confirmed.
***** Chapter 2 *****
He'd been surprised when Naruto hadn't been home, then curious when he wasn't
at any of his usual places. However, it wasn't until he found the usually loud,
to the point of being obnoxious, teen that he was actually worried. Naruto was
sitting on the top of the Fourth's head of the hokage monument, huddled under a
tree that had all but been shredded to toothpicks.
It took several hours for him to piece together the details of what exactly had
happened. And, it took another hour before he had calmed Naruto down again. If
he understood the situation correctly, it made sense to see the blonde looking
like he'd just lost one of his most precious persons.
Kakashi assured him, for probably the hundredth time, that he would fix things.
That Naruto had to trust him. He soothed his student and made sure he
understood that what he did, while being completely the wrong thing to do, was
not entirely his fault, and that he understood why the teen had acted as he
had.
Naruto was more protective of Iruka than he was likely to be of anyone. When
you combined that with being an overly hormonal teen that did't think things
through before acting, there was a possibility that he hadn't considered Iruka
reacting the way he had.
He pleaded with the copy-nin over and over again to make things go back to the
way they were, anything, as long as Iruka would stop hating him. Stop
pretending he didn't exist.
Despite the certainty Naruto felt on the matter, Kakashi was positive Iruka
couldn't hate Naruto. If anything, he thought, it was more likely the man hated
himself.
-
"I can't put things back the way they were for you, Ibiki-san. But, I might be
able to help Iruka-sensei." He leaned against the door frame and watched the
man he knew to be the best at controlling his emotions trying to keep from
collapsing under the stress. "Is that what you want?"
"I couldn't help him. Couldn't fix it." Ibiki's voice cracked slightly. "I
tried, you know."
"Hai. I'm sorry." He left the question out there and waited.
"I know I'm too close to him to be able to and still I thought... I thought I
could." Ibiki ran a hand over the scars on his exposed head. "Do you really
believe you can save him?" His eyes met Kakashi's then, pleading without words
that the copy-nin of over a thousand jutsus had an answer.
So... Kakashi told him. And, when all was said that could be said, Ibiki
nodded. The silver-haired nin turned to head out to speak to the last person he
needed to speak to before he could act.
"You know, he'll attach himself to you by the time this is over." It wasn't a
question. "And, if you reject him, it will be far worse for him than what he's
going through now. It will crush him and quite possibly kill what's left of
him."
Kakashi turned slightly, only enough to meet the other man's eyes. "I know."
-
Kakashi leaned over the still frame and frowned. He was surprised to find it
actually physically hurt to see the usually bright-eyed chunin looking so
utterly dejected. Iruka obviously hadn't moved to so much as eat in days, and
he obviously wasn't sleeping well if the dark shadows under his eyes were any
indication. The man was actually making himself sick. Sighing, the copy-nin
crouched and scooped the sleeping man up.
"Wah? Huh? What's going on?" Iruka blinked up at him. "Kakashi-sensei..." His
voice was weak, and Kakashi could see the confusion clouding his eyes. "Why are
you here?"
"You're coming with me. I've informed the necessary people, so don't worry
about your students." He kept the tone flat, but his expression belied the
concern he felt. "I spoke to Naruto, Ibiki, and Tsunade. They agree that this
is what's best for you."
He was surprised when Iruka made no protest, simply frowned and huddled in on
himself more. Kakashi shifted Iruka's weight a bit before ducking out the door
and into the pre-dawn light. His intention was to be out of Konoha before
anyone was really up, and preferably to the retreat by lunch.
-
Handing the chunin a bowl of miso, Kakashi settled behind him and set a small
bag beside him. "You need to eat something, so don't argue, or I'll use a jutsu
I learned from Tsunade to make you eat. And, trust me when I say it's not
pleasant."
Kakashi opened the bag and pulled out a comb, then proceeded to pull the hair
tie out of the ratted brown hair. He took extra care not to pull, occasionally
spraying the knots with a mixture he'd found in the man's bathroom. Slowly,
they returned to their normal smooth tresses, but still gleamed, oily from not
having been washed in well over a week.
He could see the barest shiver of Iruka's shoulder's and knew without looking
that, despite the silence, tears were streaming down the other's face. He slid
his fingers through the dark hair, lightly massaging the chunin's temples and
scalp. Eventually, the shivering subsided and Iruka set his bowl down.
Only then did Kakashi move away. "Can you walk?" Iruka remained silent and
unmoving, so he again scooped the man into his arms and carried him. This time
to the bath house, where he stripped them both before carrying Iruka into the
water.
The chunin made no protest. He simply sat there refusing to respond to the few
questions he was asked. It was a little surprising that he actually held
himself up instead of simply sliding under the water. Kakashi had a feeling the
only reason that the man didn't, was out of some need to punish himself more.
After he had Iruka scrubbed pink, he took care of himself and then carried the
chunin back inside. He in a bathrobe and Iruka wrapped only in a towel, he then
settled the dark haired man on one of the beds.
"I'm going to give you a massage, Iruka-sensei. Your muscles need the
stimulation, and it will help you sleep." He frowned at the lack of response.
The man's eyes hadn't even changed. They were still as distant and unfocused as
ever.
He started with Iruka's fingers, gently rubbing their tips before working his
way down to the palm. The silence bothered him more than it usually did. He
supposed it had something to do with the fact he simply did not associate it
with the man lying there.
"Hn... The mission that I and Sakura were just on was interesting. Jiraiya
would have given his left... hand for one like it. I had to escort this very
beautiful princess and Sakura posed as one of her entourage," he said, really
talking to himself just to have some noise. Occasionally, he slipped in obvious
exaggerations, in hopes to elicit some form of response from the normally fiery
chunin.
Kakashi didn't even bother to stop talking when Iruka's eyes slid closed, in
either feigned or real sleep. He got up only when he had finished the entire
massage.
***** Chapter 3 *****
"You must think I'm so pathetic," Iruka said, daring the copy-nin to argue.
"Iruka-sensei, do you know where we are? What this place is?" Kakashi asked
calmly before taking another bite of his food.
The chunin studied his spoon intently, seeming to consider the possibilities.
"An ANBU outpost?"
"It was. Back in the war with Stone. We have a lot of them, too many in fact.
So, when the war ended, and we had no real need to have so many, Tsunade
suggested her second great idea; that we turn them into retreats." He leaned
back in his chair and sipped his tea. "All ANBU reach a point where they simply
break. It's a combination of the kind of work we do and having to keep our
emotions constantly at bay." Kakashi set his cup down and studied Iruka for a
reaction. The brunette looked away but said nothing.
"Do you want to know where she got the idea?" The chunin nodded, slowly, still
not looking up. "From an eight-year-old child who's father committed suicide
right in front of his eyes. Who, after watching his father bleed to death in
his arms, completely snapped and tried to kill a med-nin when she pulled him
away from his father's lifeless corpse," he closed his eyes and swallowed
before he continued.
"They couldn't keep him in the village where he might escape, even if they
confined him, while they helped him. After all, he was a chunin and quite
capable of hurting somebody in a fit of rage without even thinking about it.
And, it can be much more difficult to subdue a child and not severely hurt
them." He took another sip of tea and set the cup back down. "So, they brought
him here, this very outpost in fact."
Iruka was staring at him, the dark brown eyes wide in astonishment.
"Eventually, he recovered and even became quite an amazing shinobi, if I say so
myself." Kakashi smiled, trying to ease some of the tension.
"And, according to his sensei and Jiraiya, during his little fit of attacking a
certain rather well endowed med-nin, the completely innocent child ripped open
her shirt. They were quite appreciative, although they also attest that she was
on the verge of killing the poor innocent boy, despite the situation." Kakashi
smirked and watched the blush that slid across Iruka's face as he realized
exactly who the med-nin must have been. "And, on the one occasion the boy asked
her about it, you know, to apologize, of course, she turned an interesting
shade of red and swore it never happened."
Iruka shook his head and rolled his eyes slightly.
Kakashi pouted at the response. "I tell you my darkest secret and my greatest
fear, Tsunade, and you roll your eyes at me. I think I deserve at least a
smile!" The corner of Iruka's mouth turned up slightly.
Kakashi grinned. "That's more like it, but I think you can do better. After
all, how many other people have fondled the hokage and lived to tell the tale?"
"Kakashi-sensei, I'm sorry but I just don't really feel like smiling right
now." Iruka sighed and stirred his soup. "I appreciate what you're trying to
do, really."
The silver-haired nin leaned forward and fixed a stern look on the teacher.
"You're stronger than this."
"I am not. I don't know where you got that idea, but you're wrong," Iruka said,
looking away again.
Kakashi reached out a hand and gently touched Iruka's chin, forcing the man to
look at him. "Do you trust me?" The chunin hesitated but finally nodded. "Then
believe me, you're stronger than even me. And, if I can survive, so can you."
He released the brunette then leaned back and picked up his cup again. "When it
comes to this kind of stuff, you're the strongest person I know."
"Kakashi-sensei?"
"Hn?" He raised an eyebrow and continued to sip his tea.
"Why are you doing this for me?" Iruka didn't look at him while he waited for
his answer. Kakashi noted that the chunin rarely met his eyes, even when he was
looking right at him.
"Iruka-sensei, I'll answer your question, if you'll answer mine." The dark-
haired man looked up at him, surprised, quite possibly not expecting to
actually get an answer. "You realize that, that's the first time you've met my
eyes all morning? Why is that?"
Iruka averted his eyes again, but said nothing.
"Is it because I'm not wearing my mask, or is it simply that hard for you to
look somebody who knows in the eyes?"
"Forget I asked. It doesn't matter why you're doing this for me. It's just..."
A small, somewhat forced smiled crossed the chunin's lips, finally softening.
"Thank you."
Kakashi sighed and shook his head. "You have far more people who care about you
than you realize, Iruka-sensei," he said, resting his hand on Iruka's for a
moment before picking up his tea again.
-
Kakashi was somewhat relieved when he didn't have to carry Iruka to the
bathhouse, although he did have to drag the blushing chunin along behind him.
After he stripped, Iruka still hadn't moved to do so himself, so without
ceremony Kakashi started to help him.
"I'm not... you don't have to... I... I can do it myself," Iruka said, shoving
the copy-nin away weakly. The silver-haired nin nodded and began gathering the
various bath things and settling them in easy reach of the edge of the hot
spring before climbing in. Iruka followed him in but sat as far away as he
could.
"Come here, Iruka-sensei. I'll wash your back. And, don't try to tell me you
can do it yourself, just get over here." He tried to keep the amusement out of
his voice, but some of it slipped through, despite his efforts. "You can wash
mine in return." He watched as a deeper blush slid over the tanned features,
and, when the man still didn't move from his corner, Kakashi raised an eyebrow.
"I don't know why you're embarrassed. I did all this for you yesterday."
After another moment of hesitation, Iruka slid over and sat in front of
Kakashi, then promptly buried his face in his hands. "Thank you." It was a
barely audible whisper, but after a moment the chunin relaxed and dropped his
hands.
Kakashi set the hair-tie beside the shampoo bottle and dragged his fingers
though the soft brown hair. "You're hair is much nicer when it's washed." He
poured the warm water over Iruka's hair.
"We can go back tomorrow, I'm fine now. I can take care of myself." He watched
Iruka visibly droop, as though it was suddenly much harder to sit up.
He rinsed Iruka's hair, wondering what he should say. "You're free to go,
Iruka, but I wouldn't advise it unless you really feel up to facing Naruto and
Ibiki." He swallowed but managed to keep his hands moving, scrubbing Iruka's
scalp.
That seemed to be the worst thing he could have said because the other broke
down in tears, burying his face in his hands again. This time, however, it
wasn't to hide his embarrassment but rather to scrub at the tears sliding down
his cheeks.
Shaking his head at his own stupidity, Kakashi pulled Iruka against him and
began rubbing his back with one hand. "I didn't mean to upset you."
"I'm sorry for inconveniencing you so much, Kakashi-sensei," Iruka sniffled.
Kakashi sighed. "This isn't some mission I was assigned. I offered my
assistance, so any inconvenience I took on by choice, and is therefore not an
inconvenience." He kept his voice soothing but firm. He hugged the chunin
closer and laid his cheek against the top of Iruka's head. "I'm sorry." He was
sorry for bringing the names up, for hurting Iruka when his intentions had been
to help.
"It's not like it's your fault." Iruka shifted but didn't move away.
He brushed his fingers through the soapy hair and pushed down the guilty
feeling that whispered how nice it felt to just hold the other man. "I'm still
sorry."
They sat there until Kakashi was worried they'd both be boiled, and then he
scrubbed the chunin and himself down quickly before getting out and heading
back to the house. He'd use a jutsu later to clean the water for now he just
wanted to get them out and settled.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Kakashi settled on the bed beside Iruka, carefully took his hand, and began the
same full body massage he'd done the previous night. Iruka said nothing, simply
watched the copy-nin, smiling softly.
Honestly, he wasn't quite sure why, but he again started talking to the chunin
about a mission. This time it was the first mission he'd been on with his genin
team.
It should have bothered him that he opened up to Iruka. He never really talked
to anyone, not even those he should have considered close friends. He'd never
so much as mentioned Obito or Rin to anyone who didn't already know who they
were. Even then, it was reluctantly and usually because he hadn't been given a
choice.
Oddly enough, Ibiki knew. It was part of the annual ANBU evaluations to discuss
past events that had caused breaks. But, he hadn't been inclined to tell the
man more than facts, where as he found himself telling Iruka about how it had
grated on his nerves to watch Rin ignore their friend's attentions. He even let
it slip that, that had to do with the fact he'd had the slightest crush on the
boy. Iruka had laughed softly, and then blushed and apologized for laughing at
him.
This time when he finished giving Iruka a massage, the chunin wasn't asleep.
And, well, since he hadn't really finished the story he was telling, he didn't
protest when said chunin shifted around and put his head in Kakashi lap.
Instead, he combed his fingers through the mop of soft brown hair and continued
telling his story.
-
Kakashi stretched and then rubbed at his eyes. After a moment, he registered
Iruka's chakra as being in the kitchen and made his way there, still a tad
groggy.
He wasn't even through the kitchen door when Iruka shoved a plate in his hands.
"I made breakfast." The chunin shoved on his shoulder, forcing him towards the
table. "Sit, I'll make the tea."
So, he sat, and he watched Iruka make tea while he poked idly at his breakfast.
"Are you okay, Iruka?"
Iruka stopped pouring the tea for a moment. "I'm going to go back to Konoha. I
think I should..." Then he finished pouring the tea and brought it over. "I've
decided. I don't have to see them. Problem solved."
Kakashi set his chopsticks down and fixed Iruka with a look. "You're just going
to hold up in your house again and avoid everyone?"
"No. Just them." Iruka was giving him an odd sort of smile, one that seemed out
of place on the man's lips.
"Naruto thinks you hate him, and Ibiki looks like he's about to fall apart
himself." He'd intended to avoid them as a topic after the pain it had caused
the night before.
"Maybe I do." His voice was cold, but the way he averted his gaze told Kakashi
that he was lying.
"I suppose I can see why you might. Naruto, a high strung teenager over-reacted
when the person he cares about most in the world was being hurt. He let his
hormones and emotions get the best of him." He frowned. "Then, there's Ibiki
who was, yes, an idiot and let the kid find out because he was obviously too
much of a coward to go to the hokage and tell her that his lover was engaging
in self-destructive behavior. Instead, the callous bastard thought maybe if the
person you cared about, talked to you about it, then maybe you'd stop begging
him to hurt you." He shook his head and forced himself not to grit his teeth.
"I completely understand why you would hate them for caring about you so much
it was killing them. I can see resenting them forever because they were idiots,
which, I certainly won't argue that point, they were." He wasn't trying to be
mean, but he really didn't want to fail Naruto again.
"What do you know? Nothing! You have no idea what I'm going through! I can't
even look Naruto in the eyes, and I will never, NEVER be able to trust the man
I'm in love with ever again!" Iruka screamed, slamming the tea set down on the
table. The tea sloshed out of the cups, burning Iruka's hand. The chunin
ignored it, choosing to continue glaring at him.
Kakashi took a deep breath and let it out as slowly as he could manage. "You're
right, you have my apologies." He stood up and headed for the door. "After
all," he said, pausing. "The only people I've ever loved, are dead. And, I
wouldn't know how it feels to hate myself for failing them. I'm sorry I assumed
I could understand even remotely how you feel."
He hadn't even taken two steps when he felt the hand on his hand, stopping him.
"I'm sorry."
Sighing, he turned around. "No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have lost my
temper with you. I just don't want to see you lose them."
"I don't hate them, I just..." Iruka frowned and looked away. "They don't
understand."
He slid his hand better into the chunin's and squeezed. "I know." He led Iruka
in the living room and onto the couch. "It's hard for the people close to us to
see us in pain and be unable to do anything," he said, laying down and pulling
Iruka against him. "Breakfast can wait, you look like you need a nap." Kakashi
smiled softly and petted the soft brown hair. "You didn't sleep at all last
night, did you?"
"I did too," Iruka protested before a yawn interrupted him. "But, a nightmare
woke me up."
"Ah. That explains your mood. I wondered how your smile had disappeared so
quickly," he chuckled as he continued brushing the soft brown hair back.
"Kakashi?" Iruka asked before yawning again.
"Hmm?"He closed his eyes and stifled a yawn.
"Stay with me this time." The words were barely out of the chunin's mouth
before he was asleep.
Kakashi released his hold on Iruka's hand and wrapped his arms around the man's
waist. "K..."
-----
It was well into the afternoon before Iruka woke up. Kakashi smiled at him and
used the tip of one finger to push a stray hair out of the brunette's eyes.
"Feeling better?"
"I'd go back to sleep, but my stomach has other ideas," he said, turning his
big brown eyes directly on Kakashi. "And, since you kept me from my breakfast,
you get to make it this time.
"I can't..." Kakashi said, winking as his smile changed to a smirk.
"Oh, and why's that? And, don't try to tell me you can't cook. I already know
better, seeing as how you've been doing all of it lately."
"My arm is numb," he laughed softly.
Iruka bolted upright, blushing about twenty shades of red. "I'm sorry, Kakashi,
I didn't realize. I'm sorry." The blush deepened, turning the scar an even
darker brown and causing Kakashi to laugh harder.
Despite his protest otherwise, the silver-haired nin fixed breakfast. Although,
it turned out to be more like a dinner, and he dragged Iruka onto the porch to
eat it.
"I'm not normally this clingy, you know that right?" Iruka said, poking at his
food before picking up a vegetable with his chopsticks and popping it into his
mouth.
"It's normal for a person who's been through a traumatic experience to latch
onto whoever tries to help them. Has something to do with our innate desire to
be near other human beings. It reaffirms that we're alive and safe." Kakashi
picked up a snow pea, looked at it, and dropped it in Iruka's bowl. "Or, in
some cases an object they associate with those feelings."
"You're almost as bad as Naruto about vegetables," the chunin laughed, staring
at the 'offensive' pea pod.
"Hn, it had a tear in it. It wasn't perfect." He smiled but didn't mention the
fact that Iruka had just mentioned the blond without so much as a pause. "And,
no matter what Tsunade tells you I do not own a ratty plushie cat with a button
for one eye. And, the button hasn't had to be replaced multiple times because I
supposedly chew on it when I'm upset." This time, Kakashi dropped half a piece
of baby corn in Iruka's bowl. "It doesn't exist and most importantly, she
hasn't had to replace said eye in the last year."
Iruka laughed and popped the vegetable in his mouth. "What did the corn do to
offend you?"
"It's broken. They don't taste the same when they're broken." He carefully
studied a bamboo shoot before popping it into his mouth.
"So, you have a little stuffed cat? Do your summons know? And, do they know you
chew on it's eye?" A small laugh escaped the chunin's lips.
"He's not little, he's bigger than Pakkun. And, I let them use him if they're
hurt or sick, but they're not allowed to chew on Nyanko.[1]" Kakashi winked at
him. "That's, of course, assuming such a item exist."
"Of course." Iruka took another bite of food and chewed it thoughtfully. "I
wouldn't have taken you for a cat person, though."
"My mother had cats for summons. They used to chase my father's summons around.
She used to watch it with me, and we decided Nyanko was the greatest ninja cat
ever. After all, only a ninja can henge, and he was very good at henging into
food." Kakashi watched as Iruka tried not to laugh. "My father tried to watch
it with me after she died, but he never quite understood the fascination or our
game of trying to henge into whatever item Nyanko did."
Iruka looked down at his empty bowl and frowned before setting it aside. "Have
you ever lost Nyanko?"
"Just once. Pakkun found him for me, though." He smiled at the chunin,
reassuringly. "Don't tell, but that's the real reason Pakkun is my favorite
ninken."
"What would you have done if Pakkun hadn't found him?" Iruka asked, pulling his
knees up to his chest and staring off into the trees.
"I'm not sure. I'd have survived, I'm sure. Although, I might have started
chewing on Pakkun's ears as a substitute," Kakashi laughed. "Of course, he
probably would have bitten me back."
"Is it really that easy to replace your comfort item? Isn't it supposed to be
special, irreplaceable even?" A strand of chocolate-colored hair slipped free
of the hair tie to dance in the breeze against the tan skin.
The jounin swallowed, the things left unsaid terrified him. He'd known, when
he'd decided to help, that the chunin could easily come to depend on him. He'd
thought, however, that it wouldn't happen quite so quickly. And, a very small
part of him had hoped he could convince Iruka to focus on Ibiki. He was
beginning to doubt that, and the idea that Iruka might always depend on him
worried and intrigued him. The fact that a small part of him longed for that
bothered him even more. He simply wasn't used to letting somebody rely on him
that way. "I guess you'll just have to make sure it doesn't get lost then." He
hoped his voice didn't sound as shaky to the chunin as it did to him.
Iruka turned to look at him, laying his cheek against the top of his knees. "I
guess you're right." The smile that lit the tanned face was both light and
real.
Kakashi felt his cheeks heat up under the sudden scrutiny, a slight smile
pulled at his lips, but he held the other's gaze for a moment before taking
their empty bowls inside, telling himself, repeatedly, that he did not just
blush.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Warm water slid over his hair and down his back. The way the fingers slid over
his scalp, scrubbing softly at the silver hair, was relaxing. He was getting
far too used to this after only a week.
During the day, Iruka was seemingly back to his bright, happy self. They spent
the mornings training, and in the afternoons he'd read while the teacher wrote
out lesson plans. Kakashi sent those, along with an informal daily report, back
to Konoha via Pakkun in the evenings. He'd informed Iruka the first time, that
if he wished to send anyone a letter, Pakkun could do that as well. His ninken
had shot him a dirty look just outside of the chunin's field of vision. Iruka
had furrowed his brows, shoved the scrolls he'd written at Kakashi, and then
refused to look at him for the entirety of dinner. So, the copy-nin didn't
bring it up again.
Despite the daylight smiles, however, the nightmares weren't going away. And,
he often found his arms full of sniffling, shaking chunin before morning came.
It worried him. So much so, that for the last few days he found himself awake
hours after he'd seen Iruka off to bed, only sleeping once the dark-haired man
crawled in with him. Even then, it was a light sleep as he whispered comforting
words to the other man. He'd feign sleep when Iruka finally slipped away in the
morning, and neither brought it up during the day.
He pushed the thoughts away, for the moment, and simply enjoyed the all too
comforting feeling of having his hair washed.
-
Kakashi rubbed small circles into the palm of Iruka's hand as he tried to find
the words he was looking for. Usually, he just started talking about various
random topics, like his missions, gossip, and Icha Icha; which always made the
chunin blush, which was always entertaining. He rubbed his thumb over Iruka's
wrist and cleared his throat, the other man raised an eyebrow but didn't say
anything.
"You know I only want to help right?" Might as well start off making sure the
chunin knew this wasn't going to be the same nearly one-sided conversation it
had been on previous nights. And, maybe clarifying that it wasn't just
curiosity, or worse, some sick game he was playing, would keep the chunin from
clamming up or killing him.
He watched the way Iruka tensed before finally nodding. "It's not that I want
to make you uncomfortable or upset." Kakashi stared at his hands as he worked.
"But, I'm not sure how to ask you what I need to ask."
"You could try Naruto's approach, and ask me how I can let somebody do those
things to me, or Ibiki's and ask how I can possibly consider it a sign of
love." The tone was resentful as Iruka tried to pull his wrist away.
"That's not what I was going to ask," the silver-haired nin said, sparing a
glance from under the cover of his still damp hair. "I'm sure you don't know
the answer to those, or you'd have given it to them and then, I assure you, I'd
already know." He tried to keep his tone soothing, but they still seemed to
brush the chunin the wrong way.
"I don't want to talk about this," Iruka said, glowering at him.
Kakashi sighed. "I can help, if you'll just trust me. And, I promise I'm not
going to try and tell you that you're some kind of idiot for letting Mizuki do
those things to you." He waited until the tanned wrist he was still holding was
no longer being tugged on, before he continued. "More importantly, I don't
consider them entirely bad things. It's strictly a matter of degree."
The last remark seemed to genuinely surprise the chunin, and he visibly
relaxed. Albeit, a good part of that was probably from the shock he wasn't
going to be berated yet again.
"Tell me about your kinks." He cringed inwardly, and thought about how
brilliantly he, the 'supposed' genius, had just phrased that question. There
was no way Iruka was going to do anything of the sort. The dark-haired nin
would likely punch him and storm off, no matter how clingy he'd been lately.
You simply didn't go telling somebody other than a lover those kinds of things.
And, Kakashi was guessing, it would have to be a person you'd been with for
awhile.
"I..." Kakashi risked another small glance at the chunin to find him blushing
and looking rather like he was imitating a fish. "..can't" The word slipped,
seeming to surprise even Iruka.
Kakashi considered the situation for a moment. "Come here." He pulled on the
chunin's wrist. Iruka seemed more than a little hesitant by this point, but
allowed himself to be dragged between the copy-nin's legs, with his back
against the man's chest. "Now you don't have to look at me, you can even
pretend your talking to yourself, if you like."
"I doubt very much that I can pretend that you're not here," Iruka said, his
voice laced with irony.
"I could henge into a pillow if you like," he teased and then smiled at the way
Iruka's shoulders shook as he laughed.
"You'd make a very strange pillow, Kakashi."
"Fine, you can just pretend I'm somebody else then," he said, pretending to
pout. "If you tell me who, I'll even henge into them for you."
"You're insane, you realize that, right?" Iruka asked, shaking his head
slightly.
"Maybe, but I will, if you need me to." Kakashi released Iruka's hand and took
the other, starting the massage all over.
"It's okay, it's just embarrassing," he said as he laid his head back to rest
on Kakashi's shoulder. "I know it's because of Mizuki, but I can't help them."
"There are usually reasons for them, and I'm pretty sure the kinks are not the
problem. More than likely, it's the severity to which they're carried out." He
poured a little more oil into his hand before working his hands slowly up
Iruka's arm.
"It's a lot harder than you make it sound." The brunette leaned forward as
Kakashi released his arms and touched the man's shoulder's lightly. "I can talk
about it with Ibiki only when we're actually... were... when we were." Iruka's
voice took on a slightly irritated tone. "Never again."
"You could..."
"NO!" Iruka cut him off, turning around slightly to fix him with a glare for a
moment. "If he hadn't let... then maybe. If he had done anything else but
that."
"Hn..." Kakashi brushed the loose brown hair out of the way and began rubbing
the caramel shoulders again. "I need to know, in order to help."
"I like..." Iruka swallowed. "I don't know why, but I like it when he ties me
up. The way the ropes feel on my skin, the tighter the better. I want them to
leave marks."
The sudden willingness to talk about it bothered the jounin, almost more than
the words themselves. "Being tied up is supposed to demonstrate a willingness
to give up control. The person tying you up has a choice." He felt the muscles
under his hands tense and focused his attention on gently kneading them until
the chunin relaxed again. "They can turn it into a power game and take what
they want. Or, they can refuse to take anything, refuse to let you give them
anything, unless you ask for it. It should be about the two people involved
caring enough about one another to think of the other person before
themselves."
"I like the way it feels, though."
"Mmm, it causes your adrenaline to spike. There are less harmful ways to do
that, however. And, they're much more effective, I might add." Kakashi swept
his hands down the tan muscles of Iruka's back. "What else?"
"I like... I like when he talks to me, tells me what I want." He knew the
chunin was blushing at his own words, simply by the way his voice quieted near
the end of the statement.
"Of course, it's nice to know they know what you like, and it allows you a
glimpse into their fantasies. As long as the words aren't used to hurt." The
chunin tensed again, and Kakashi worked at a knot in Iruka's lower back,
letting the chunin absorb the information.
"I like when he tells me I'm a horrible person and punishes me for it. I feel
better afterwards. Especially, if it breaks the skin. Every touch feels better,
every kiss is like he's healing the wounds and, for once, they're not just in
my head."
Kakashi felt himself tense at that one, his hands going still for the briefest
second. "All shinobi, possibly all people, feel like they need to atone for the
things they've done, said, even thought at some point." He pulled Iruka
backwards to lean on his chest. "But, the person who loves you needs to remind
you of the things that are good about you," he said, leaning forward. "So you
don't forget." The words were whispered, his breath causing a few strands of
hair to tickle Iruka's ear.
After a moment, Kakashi leaned back and began running his fingers through
Iruka's hair, gently massaging his scalp and temples. "Spanking, gently brings
the blood to surface, it makes things feel more sensitized. They don't need to
break skin to do that."
Working his hands down over the chunin's toned shoulders, Kakashi paused for a
moment, considering what the other man had said. "And the reason it feels good
to bleed is very close to the same reason it feels good to cry or scream or
even train until every single muscle hurts. It's the adrenaline. However,
unlike the others, drawing your own blood leaves a permanent mark and does a
lot more physical damage. If you're not careful you could lose your ability to
continue being a shinobi." He felt Iruka take a breath, ready to say something
and cut the chunin off before he could. "I know you're careful. I know Ibiki's
careful. Hell, I'm sure even Mizuki was, after all he wouldn't have wanted
anyone to find out." He let the words sink in and was surprised the brunette
didn't take the chance to protest. "That said it only takes one mistake. Being
startled by somebody banging on your door with an emergency, a slip of the
wrist, a cough and everything you've worked for could be gone."
"It could be anyway." It wasn't a sullen or spiteful remark merely the other
making a point.
"Yes, but the weight of only one of those is truly on your shoulders. The
other's on fate's." The chunin leaned against him, resting his head in the
crook of Kakashi's neck.
"The scars..." Iruka didn't finish the thought.
"Hn... That one I understand the best. I'm reminded of why I have them, every
time I see them. It tells me, I survived. But, when I look in the mirror,
sometimes all I can see is that somebody else didn't." He leaned his scared
cheek against the side of Iruka's head. "I hate it the most because knowing
that, hurts." He wrapped his arms around Iruka, holding him close. "It's
actually two scars. I got it first when I saved his life.... then he saved
mine. And so, I love it the most because it proves he existed. And, I know how
much he loved me, and how much I loved him."
Iruka tried to twist around to look at him, and, after a moment, Kakashi let
him. The chunin lifted the black fabric he used as a substitute for his hitai-
ate, and traced over the scar there with his thumb. He let Iruka wipe away the
tears he hadn't noticed, and watched as the chunin blinked back his own.
Slowly, Iruka leaned forward and planted soft lips against the pale white line.
It was nearly too light, too brief to really feel it. A ghost of a kiss. "I'm
sorry." Iruka said it as he wrapped his arms around the copy-nin and hugged him
close. Kakashi didn't pull away, and he didn't think he could have even if he'd
wanted to.
***** Chapter 6 *****
Pale hands worked a thin strip of black fabric in intricate patterns over much
darker skin. "I can teach you these knots, and while they are effective in that
you'd have to work to get rope burn, they're not all that effective if a person
wants to get away." He tied off the ends, showing the chunin how the tail of it
was in easy reach of his finger tips.
"But..." Iruka started to protest, probably to say he liked the rope burns.
"Do you trust me?" His mismatched eyes met Iruka's brown ones, and the chunin
nodded. "Then remember what I said. While this will be frustrating for you, at
first, eventually your body will learn to enjoy it even more than the pain. We
just have to remind it how."
"But, I thought you said..."
"I did. And, I'm not going to try to convince you that your kinks are something
to avoid." He brushed the stray hair out of Iruka's eyes for the third or
fourth time. The damn thing kept slipping free of the hair tie and Kakashi was
just about ready to clip the damn thing back with a barrett, only he didn't
know where any were. "I'm just teaching you how to enjoy them without hurting
yourself anymore."
Iruka frowned, obviously either worried or doubtful.
"I need you to tell me when something hurts. No matter how much you want me to
continue doing it." Honestly, with his sharingan, he'd be able to guess at the
things that were causing physical discomfort. It was the emotional aspect he
was worried about.
"I told you I would."
Kakashi sat up, shifting his weight to kneel beside the Iruka on the bed. "If
you want to stop, just use the safety word. Hell, even if you just ask me to
stop, I will. If you're at all unsure about something..."
"I know. Kakashi, I'm not going to forget. So, you can stop reminding me every
five minutes." Iruka shook his head slightly. "I'm telling you this isn't going
to work. It takes more than a massage to..." Kakashi knew with out being able
to see Iruka's face that he was blushing. "I mean you've given me massages
before, and I've never..." The silver-haired nin watched as the chunin's ears
turned a light pink.
"Really?" He asked before quickly dragging the tip of his finger down Iruka's
spine.
"Ye-HEY!" Iruka shrieked, pulling himself onto his knees before the finger
could get beyond the small of his back. "What the fuck did you just do?" He was
panting slightly as he glared at Kakashi over his shoulder.
"The copy-nin smirked. "Just proving my point."
"That still doesn't tell me what you just did."
"Well, various parts of a person's body react rather strongly to chakra
stimulation." He started to explain.
"You mean like a Hyuuga?" Iruka asked, interrupting.
Kakashi cleared his throat. "And, while I can use that as a way to make a
person relax, as I have been doing for the last week, I can also use it to
elicit other responses."
The chunin gaped at him. "Tell me you didn't learn that from a Hyuuga."
"I could tell you that, but I'm trying not to lie to you. You wouldn't want me
to start now, would you?" Kakashi laughed as he rubbed the back of his neck.
"If I was to be completely honest, though, I should really tell you who taught
me that."
"Gyah! No! Don't you dare! I don't want to know!" The darker-skinned man said,
shaking his head, and then hopelessly tried to bury his head between his
forarms.
So, of course, Kakashi couldn't resist leaning foward to whisper in the
chunin's ear. "Hiashi really isn't one to piss off. He is more twisted in his
revenge than Anko."
"I said I didn't want to know, you bastard!" Iruka kept his head buried. "Gah!
Now I have that burned in my brain!"
Laughing, the silver-haired devil leaned back. "I could go into detail, if you
like."
"Don't you dare!" The chunin hissed. "I mean it. I will get my revenge, if you
do. Ask Anko about the week she had pink hair."
Kakashi held his hands up in defeat and laughed. "Alright, I won't. Now, be
good and lay back down." Iruka slipped back onto his stomach, tension obvious
in the bunched muscles of his back. "No need to worry, sensei. I don't bite...
hard."
Blushing lightly, Iruka rolled his eyes. "Why did I let you talk me into this,
again?"
"You couldn't resist my charms?"
"Hmph, I assure you that's /not/ the reason." The brown ponytail bobbed as he
shook his head, sighing.
"Fine, be that way," he laughed. "But, I am charming." Slowly, he let his hands
brush across the tan skin. And, although his touch was feather light, he let
his chakra sink a lot deeper, brushing points he had already learned would turn
the other man into a puddle.
He watched as Iruka's eyes slid closed, then he fed the barest amount of chakra
into a point on the chunin's tan neck. The response was immediate, if extremely
quiet. If he hadn't been listening, he would never have heard the chunin gasp.
Slowly, he repeated the motion, letting his chakra dance down Iruka's skin as
he moved his hands over the man's scarred back.
Iruka wasn't the only one affected by the massage, although, Kakashi didn't
even have an excuse. The gi would only hide the fact, if Iruka didn't actually
look, or if he kept himself positioned just right. He focused long enough to
push the desire away.
This wasn't about him, and he wouldn't let it be. Iruka needed to be relaxed,
and he didn't need Kakashi pushing his own needs onto him. Honestly, he
thought, that, that had been ninety percent of Naruto's problem, and probably a
good chunk of Ibiki's as well. Not to say they weren't entitled to want it, but
they both knew Iruka was far too kind to push them away.
Naruto's mistake was the most obvious of the two. He'd pushed his own feelings
and desires onto the man without considering how Iruka actually felt. It was a
teenager's mistake, from a teenager.
However, Ibiki had done something just as bad. Despite Kakashi's opinion that
he probably deserved a second chance, he had still made the mistake, and it had
proven to be a grave error of judgement. He hadn't put what was best for his
lover first, because he was too afraid of losing him. If he had gotten the
chunin help as soon as he noticed the... tendancies, Iruka might have forgiven
him in the end. Hell, if he just hadn't let Naruto, of all people, find out...
Anyone would have been better than the boy Iruka saw as a son. He supposed that
it helped that he had nothing to lose, Iruka wasn't his... anything.
Kakashi slid his hands over the lighter skins of Iruka's ass, keeping the
touches light and brief before moving onto the man's muscular legs. He felt
Iruka shiver slightly and kneaded the muscles a little rougher while still
keeping it light for a massage. Iruka relaxed again, and a light moan slipped
from between his lips at the image. He bit down on it immediately, and hoped
the chunin hadn't heard.
He pulled on Iruka's hip, motioning for him to turn over. The chunin rolled
over but kept his face turned and his eyes averted. Kakashi noted the already
straining erection and the deep blush covering the scarred cheeks. The jounin
said nothing, simply lowered his face and began kissing his way along the
inside of Iruka's calf.
It wasn't until he nipped lightly at the inside of Iruka's thigh that the
chunin half jumped out of his skin, crying and begging incoherently. The sudden
motion, caught even the jounin offguard, and he bit his lip when Iruka's leg
slammed into his jaw as the man tried to get away from him. He ignored the
bleeding lip and pulled the chunin into his arms, quickly yanking the thread of
the bindings on the chunin's hands.
Tears streamed down Iruka's face as he buried it into the crook of Kakashi neck
and he slid his arms around the man's pale chest. Kakashi rubbed slow circles
into the small of the chunin's back, touching a few key points with his chakra.
Slwoly, Iruka relaxed. The tears, however, didn't stop even as a small amount
of cum leaked from his now flacid member.
"Shh... Iru-koi. It'll be okay, I promise," Kakashi soothed as he pulled the
hair tie out and ran his fingers through the loose brown hair. "Shhh..." The
man in his arms continued to sob, his shoulders shaking as tears flooded down
his cheeks and onto the jounin's chest.
Kakashi wrapped the blanket around Iruka and picked him up, still whispering
nonsensical words in the man's ear. When he stepped outside Iruka finally took
notice.
"What? Where are we going?" He asked, rubbing at his eyes and blinking.
"Just outside, Iru-koi. Just outside." He leaned against the wall and slid
down, shifting Iruka into a more comfortable position on his lap. "It's okay,
see?" He brushed the hair out of Iruka's eyes and wiped at the tears on the
man's cheeks. Iruka laid his head back against Kakashi's chest and didn't say
anything, but the tears finally stopped.
He rubbed the chunin's back softly until the man's breathing evened out to deep
shallow breaths. Kakashi, however, knew it was unlikely he'd fall asleep so
quickly. He considered the problem, picking over the details with his own
meticulate manner. Eventually, sleep overcame him, and he fell asleep with a
slight smile on his lips at the knowledge he might have a solution for this
particular hurdle.
***** Chapter 7 *****
Kakashi dragged his fingers through Iruka's hair. The chunin was tense. His
shoulders had bunched up the moment Kakashi had lain down beside him.
Iruka, had disappeared right after lunch, not that the copy-nin had tried to
stop him. Instead, he'd elected to follow the chunin discreetly, to observe.
He'd watched silently as Iruka, had slipped into the forest and trained against
clones until he was soaked with sweat.
The way he'd pushed himself over and over, until he his chakra was dangerously
low, both worried and impressed Kakashi. The look was a mix of determination
and irritation, and it was very different from the usual light-hearted smile
the chunin wore when they trained together. It reminded him of Gai, and he had,
had to smother a laugh when the similarity had hit him.
Seeing him now, like this, only hours later, made it only that much more
apparent how completely broken Iruka had been by the whole incident. He hoped
he'd actually be able to help.
"Are you okay?" He wasn't even sure Iruka would bother to answer, and at first
the chunin didn't. The deep brown eyes stared off in that way a person does
when they're either deep in thought or simply lost in it.
"I should have stopped him." The words were spoken with the same distance that
the man's eyes held.
"Do you honestly think you could have? If the Kyuubi was so close to the
surface that Naruto noticed his own lack of ability to restrain himself, then
I'm not even sure I'd have been capable of such." He hoped he'd guessed right,
and that Iruka was referring to Naruto and not Mizuki.
"I was..." Iruka swallowed audibly, obviously trying to get his emotions under
control. "I was turned on by him. I enjoyed it," Iruka said with a self-
deprecating tone lacing his every word.
"Iru-koi, sometimes we can't help how we respond to somebody physically. It's
not always a reflection of how we feel for them. Sometimes, the body simply
responds to the stimulus even if our hearts aren't in it." He slid his hands
through the soft, brown hair, wanting to sooth the chunin.
"What would you have done?" Iruka looked at him then, and the pleading he saw
there tore at Kakashi's heart.
"It never would have happened to me. Although, it's not because I'm so much
wiser, or because I would have known the right thing to do. It's simply for the
fact that I never would have followed him." Iruka seemed hurt by the words.
"Iru-koi, I'm not saying you going after him was a mistake. It's just not what
I do. I'm not very good at letting people get that close to me."
Iruka nodded as though understanding, then looked away again, obviously still
at a loss for what he should have done.
"The things you do that make everyone want to be near you, that make people
love you, I'm not good at them."
Iruka turned on his side to face Kakashi, and the scar on his nose twitched
slightly as the man half smiled and rolled his eyes. "You're a lot better at
them than you think, Kakashi."
"No, I think it's you. It's just a side effect of being near you," he said as
he dragged a hand down Iruka's side.
"Liar," the chunin muttered, a light blush coloring his cheeks.
"You've been listening to the kids too much. I don't lie. I simply state the
truth in a less obvious manner."
Iruka laughed and shook his head. "Less obvious? A black cat crossed your path
is supposed to mean what exactly?"
"Hmph. I'll have you know that meant I ran into Tenzou. He's very bad luck,
since running into him usually means it's something I have to deal with," he
said as he trailed his fingers over the nicely tanned skin of Iruka's thigh.
"If they can't figure out what I mean, then they either don't need to know, or
they need to learn to listen better."
"I bet you just made that up."
"No. I don't generally make things up. I might say things that seem very odd to
others, but it's not because I'm lying. Anyone who really tried would be able
to figure out what I meant. Of course, I rarely let anyone get close enough to
figure me out." He brushed his nails up the back of the chunin's leg; Iruka
tensed very slightly but didn't flinch or move away.
"You've spent a lot of to time with Naruto lately." The statement was really
more of a question, but he knew he was merely being given the opportunity to
ignore the inquiry.
Kakashi nodded, stilling the motion of his hand to study the man's reaction..
But, when Iruka didn't say anything, he continued dragging his fingertips over
the honey-colored skin. "Naruto's a good kid. He has a lot of promise as a
shinobi, even if he is a little dense at times. I really do believe he's
capable of being the greatest shinobi any of us will have the pleasure of
knowing. This, of course, makes him fascinating to watch."
Iruka's eyes softened, and the chunin frowned slightly. "Nobody used to believe
that of him."
"You did, and I have no doubt Sandaime did as well. It really isn't any wonder
his strongest ties are to you." He paused as Iruka's face fell. "That's
probably why he thinks he's in love with you." This was obviously what was
bothering Iruka, since the frown increased.
"You don't think he is?" The chunin asked after a moment.
"No." The answer seemed to surprise the brunette. "He probably doesn't even
realize it himself, but he's mistaking his missing you, and the protectiveness
and love he does feel for you, as being in love. He's a teenager; it's not
exactly rare for them to think they're in love with those they're closest to."
"I never..." Iruka started.
"Mizuki," Kakashi stated, cutting him off. "Tell me he wasn't the person you
were closest to." Iruka's jaw dropped, and he stared wide eyed at the copy-nin,
as though he'd never even considered the idea that he might not have been 'in
love' with Mizuki before. "That's not to say you weren't in love with him, but
I doubt it."
"Then what's the difference between being best friends with some one and being
in love with them?" There was no mistaking the doubt, or the irritation, in the
chunin's voice.
"Since I've never been in a relationship, or even spoken those particular words
to some one, I can't say for sure. However, I think it has a lot to do with
putting them first. I suspect it's also has something to do with not expecting
anything in return; that includes accepting that they may not return your
affections." His hand brushing Iruka's hip before stopping to rest there.
"If you don't know what it is, then how do you know I wasn't in love with
Mizuki, or that Naruto isn't in love with me? Seems to me you don't know a
whole lot about the matter."
"I can't know for sure. Maybe you're even in love with Ibiki. I'm fairly
certain, if he loves anyone, it's you." He slid off the bed, heading for the
door. "I think it's just something you have to figure out for yourself." With
that, he slipped out the door, leaving Iruka staring after him.
***** Chapter 8 *****
"So, what's next?"
Kakashi looked up to find Iruka leaning against the door frame with his arms
crossed and a resigned look on his face.
"I have things I have to figure out, but I can't do that if I'm stuck out here
cowering in fear every time somebody so much as touches me." The expression
didn't change, but an irritated tone joined the words this time.
Kakashi smirked. "I have an idea or two."
------
"Okay, now give me your hands," Kakashi said once Iruka was settled between his
knees.
"Huh? I thought you said we weren't going..."
"I'm not going to tie them," he said, cutting Iruka off. "In case you haven't
realized by now, some of the most sensitive points are in your hands. Well, at
least the less awkward ones," he said, chuckling softly at the way the chunin
blushed.
"You're going to..." The blush deepened, and Iruka's voice trailed off.
"No. You're going to talk to me. Tell me about something that makes you happy,
relaxed, or just calm. I don't care what it is. It doesn't have to be some
great secret, just something that evokes those feelings. I'm going to focus on
helping you feel relaxed using the same technique I used to give you massage
and to help you sleep." Kakashi bit his cheek to keep from laughing at the
surprise that lit other man's face at his words.
"How is that supposed to help me get over my anxiety?" The doubt in Iruka's
voice was almost as entertaining as his surprise that Kakashi didn't just jump
him.
Kakashi made a quick hand sign, and a clone appeared beside them. "Because,
while we're busy trying to keep your emotions in check, he..." Kakashi tilted
his head to indicate the clone. "Is going to be focusing all his attention on
the places that seem to make you the most anxious. Hopefully, after a few
tries, your body will start to associate the two. So, instead of associating
sex with fear and pain, you'll start pairing it with feeling happy, relaxed,
and, most importantly, being safe." [2.]
Iruka looked away, the blush that had nearly disappeared returning in force.
------
Kakashi was barely through his own bedroom door before his clone henged into
Iruka and rushed him, grinding their hips together. Teeth clashed, as the need
boiled over.
Holding his libido at bay, while maintaining a shadowclone /and/ using the
modified healing technique, had proved to be far more draining than he'd first
thought it would be, two weeks ago.
He groaned and shoved his clone backwards to the bed, ripping off the few
clothes they had on in the steps it took to reach the futon.
On the bright side, Iruka seemed almost completely at ease having his legs
touched, and it certainly didn't seem to bother the man once Kakashi's clone
began sucking him off. Of course, keeping Iruka talking beyond that point had
become rather hopeless, as the chunin could barely get even a few strangled
words out between the moans and gasps of pleasure.
There were a few times Kakashi wasn't sure he'd be able to keep his own lust in
check as he watched Iruka arch his back, begging and pleading for more. He was
grateful that the man always slipped into sleep only a few minutes after he
came. This was especially helpful the first night, when he'd made the mistake
of dispelling his clone immediately after. The combination of watching the
chunin being sucked off, and the shared experience of being responsible for the
way the man writhed and moaned, was too much. He nearly came before he could
get Iruka tucked in and get out the door.
It was still a damn close call most days. And, although he felt more guilt than
he cared to admit to, it was worth the wait to bury himself inside Iruka before
coming. Even if it was just a henged clone.
He lapped at the tan neck, nipping softly at the flesh. The clone always kept
his eyes closed, always picturing Iruka's face. Already far too close to the
edge, Kakashi grabbed the lube from beneath his pillow and slicked his
throbbing erection. It was always so fast, so rushed; and he knew if he really
had Iruka in his arms he'd be taking his time, but right now it was simply need
and lust that drove him.
Kakashi thrust into the tight heat, the sound of Iruka moaning still fresh in
his mind. Fingers dragged along his flesh, pleading without words for more.
Fingers that, had they truly belonged to the chunin, would not have known the
exact places to apply pressure to, to push him faster towards that edge. But,
as it was, they kneaded his back, driving him slowly forward as he thrust
faster and deeper into the soft confines of the one beneath him.
He watched as his pretend Iruka came hard and vanished in a puff of smoke. The
briefest moment passed before he was shuddering his own release onto the sheets
and collapsing from the exhaustion of coming twice in a row always brought with
it.
He'd lay like that for a few hours; until he was able to pull the blankets he'd
drawn down in advance, over himself.
***** Chapter 9 *****
Kakashi rubbed his thumb over the bite mark on Iruka's hip, chiding himself
inwardly as he watched the other man sleep. There was another marking the dip
where the man's thigh met his stomach, and the tips of Kakashi's fingers traced
small circles around it and over it.
The fact that Iruka had asked, no begged for them, didn't help to ease his
conscious. His ego refused to let the memory rest, and he was far too smart not
to realize why.
"Please, Kakashi?" The chunin whispered the plea in his ear, while sitting on
the copy-nin's lap in nothing but a pair of pants.
They'd been talking about Iruka's kink with spanking, and similar methods of
bringing blood to the surface. The chunin had surprised him by sliding onto his
lap and all but demanding Kakashi demonstrate. Then, when he'd hesitated, Iruka
had leaned forward and whispered the request his voice sultry with need.
"Alright, Iru-koi." He'd had Iruka lie on his back, and then the jounin had
pulled the edge of the brunette's pants down just enough to reveal a carmel
colored hip.
The chunin watched him as he lowered his head to plant a light kiss on the
skin. He licked the spot, smiling softly at the way Iruka gasped. Then, he
pressed his lips against the skin, tracing small circles over the area with the
tip of his tongue, relishing the shivers dancing down his own spine. Sucking at
the flesh drew a moan from the brunette. When Kakashi lightly bit down, Iruka
whimpered and then snaked a tanned hand down to touch himself before sliding
the waist band down to grip his growing erection.
Kakashi decided this was by far the sexiest thing he'd ever seen, then quickly
bit back the moan threatening to escape. He lapped at the tanned flesh watching
the chunin writhe, the brown eyes closed in ecstacy.
When the flesh was warm, and slightly bruised, he pulled away.
"More... please, I need more," the chunin whimpered, arching his hips and
pleading again.
Taking a deep breath, he forced the desire away, then leaned down to lap at the
bruise that had started to form. Iruka moaned and threaded his fingers through
Kakashi's hair.
Kakashi trailed kisses over the hip, nipping gently at the flesh before
stopping at a point that had elicited a particularly thready moan from the
chunin. He nibbled at the flesh, his hand gripping Iruka's other hip to hold
him still as he began sucking at the new spot.
He felt Iruka's fingers brush his cheek as the man quickened his pace, moaning
incoherent words. The copy-nin licked the skin and then pulled back to blow on
it lightly. The brunette arched forcefully against Kakashi's hand, and the
jounin sucked the flesh into his mouth, marking it a bright red.
When Iruka came, shuddering his release over his own stomach, Kakashi allowed a
quiet moan to escape before he managed to clamp down on it again. Then, he
pushed his own need aside again as he slid up beside Iruka and pulled the
panting man against him.
The snuggling had become a part of their little routine about a month after
arriving. Iruka had grabbed his wrist one night when he'd tried to slip away,
and so he'd stayed. In the few weeks since, he'd begun to wonder how wise that
decision had been.
Kakashi wasn't sure why he'd chosen this particular method; but, now that it
was done, he couldn't keep his hand away from the marks. 'But, you're not
mine...' Kakashi mused, the guilt washing over him again.
"Iruka?" he asked, unsure if the chunin was even awake enough to hear him.
"Hm?" Iruka asked, turning to look sleepily up at the copy-nin.
"Do you love him?" Kakashi wasn't sure why he asked when he already knew the
answer. Maybe he was just as much a masochist as the man lying next to him.
The brown eyes blinked, the edge of sleep clouding them as the man yawned.
"Mmhm..." Iruka murmured, nodding slightly, his eyes sliding closed for a few
seconds before he opened them again.
"Then, you should give him a second chance. He loves you, you know." Kakashi
brushed a brown strand to the side. "You asked a lot of him, when you asked him
to hurt you like you did. Ibiki really doesn't like to hurt people, but he did
it for you, even though it hurt him." It hurt to say, but he knew it was true.
"He doesn't deserve to have you hate him, Iru-koi."
Iruka stared at him a moment, surprise lighting his eyes. But, when the chunin
yawned, sleep clouded them once again, and the man rolled back over, without
saying a word, and fell asleep.
Kakashi laid there beside him, his fingers dipping beneath the chunin's
waistband to brush the red mark again. He forced the tears and hurt away, he
refused to let them fall. Iruka wasn't his.
***** Chapter 10 *****
"Why do you keep calling me that?" Iruka asked from behind him, still sliding
the soapy rag over Kakashi's shoulders.
"Call you what?" He asked the question, even though he knew perfectly well what
the chunin was referring to. Sometimes Iruka backed off when pushed, this
didn't seem like a bad time for that, in the jounin's opinion. Of course, on
the other hand, if Iruka pursued the question and clairified, then it meant
that he was starting to get passed some of his anxiety. It might also give
Kakashi more insight on how Iruka felt. A pang of guilt in his chest told the
copy-nin he was more curious about the latter than the former.
It was a while before Iruka spoke, and it was hesitent, like he was having to
force the question out. 'So, not over the anxiety,' Kakashi mused.
"You keep calling me Iru-koi, or am I mistaken?" The tone giving away that
Iruka knew very well he hadn't misheard.
"Maa, it was the first thing I could think of that I didn't think anyone else
would have used." Anyone meaning Ibiki, Naruto, or Mizuki, of course. "That and
Iru'ka', Iru'koi'..." He grinned, turning to look at Iruka's face. The chunin
looked like his head hurt. "You know... Iruka, dolphin, koi, fish," He winked,
still grinning. [3.]
Iruka's response was to shove Kakashi under the water. "That is, the /worst/
joke ever!" He said as Kakashi broke the surface, already laughing. "Seriously,
I think there is something wrong with you," the brunette laughed. "Icha Icha is
rotting your brain."
"Hmph! I thought it was clever," he said, mock pouting.
The chunin swiped a hand at him, sending the water spraying at the jounin. "I'm
sure it took you all of five seconds to come up with it."
Kakashi made a quick hand sign, and a wall of water came up to block the
splash. "Well, I figured Iruka was too boring, Iru-kun seemed a little too
obvious, and I thought you'd kill me if started calling you Iru-chan, as cute
as it sounds."
"Hai, it's far too girlie." The chunin shook his head and made a hand sign of
his own, shattering the water wall and spraying Kakashi in the process. "I
think I would have to kill you if you tried using that one."
"I mean, if you really hate Iru-koi, that was my second choice..." Kakashi
smirked. "It really is quite cute. Kind of suits you when you're blushing..."
"Don't you dare start calling me that." The chunin took another swipe at the
water; this time Kakashi simply dodged.
"Aw, Iru-'chan'..." the copy-nin teased.
Iruka lunged at him, but instead of the silver-haired brat he'd been aiming to
strangle, he found his hands wrapped around a towel. "Get over here so I can
strangle you!"
"And ruin all the fun, Iru-'chan'?" Kakashi whispered from right behind him.
Iruka swung around, crashing into Kakashi shoving him under the water. Two pale
hands grabbed the chunin's waist and pulled him beneath the water as well.
Their bodies slid against one another, and the brunette found himself
spluttering as the older nin pulled him to the surface again, chuckling.
"I don't know. I think you like the nickname more than you want to admit," he
teased.
The chunin's face flushed, and he shoved Kakashi back. "Gomen, Kakashi-sensei.
I... I... excuse me!" The words out of his mouth, Iruka turned and fled barely
taking a moment to wrap a towel around his waist before darting inside.
The jounin sat there staring after him, slightly confused as he considered
exactly how badly he'd screwed up, and what to do about the situation. Iruka's
physical response to the teasing hadn't been apparent, do the steam and dim
lighting, until he'd pulled the chunin against him. It hadn't been intentional
but it seemed to Kakashi that Iruka still wasn't completely at ease with him.
The thought hurt a little but he pushed it aside.
Finally, he climbed out of the hot springs and drapped a towel around himself
before heading inside to find Iruka. He was hoping the chunin would still be in
the bath house changing, but he wasn't exactly surprised to find the room
empty.
He dried off and slipped into the gi he usually wore to bed before slipping out
the door to find the chunin.
-
Surprisingly, it took him almost five minutes to locate Iruka. The brunette was
perched on the roof, looking out into the forest, his chakra tucked carefully
around him.
"Iruka?" Kakashi frowned when Iruka's chakra didn't even flutter. "I'm sorry. I
shouldn't have teased you. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." He realized as
the words left his lips that it was the first time he'd appologized to anyone
who could actually hear him. The last time he'd uttered the words had been when
he'd carried Naruto home unconsious after his battle with Sasuke.
"Go away, Kakashi. I'd really rather be alone right now," the chunin said
without so much as sparing the copy-nin a glance.
"It's a good thing. I mean uhm.. you..." The logical explaination was that
Iruka was responding to somebody, him, without the reaction having to be coaxed
from him. Somehow, the words seemed a lot harder, actually, when Iruka had just
told him to get lost. "Remember what I said before about how sometimes we just
react. It's good that you are."
"Says you." He could practically hear Iruka rolling his eyes.
"I'm just trying to help." He took a step towards the chunin.
"Yeah, well, stop. Because I'm really not in the mood for one of your
explainations at the moment. I can figure /this one/ out on my own." Iruka
turned to glare at him briefly before turning his back on him again
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to talk down to you." Kakashi wondered if he really
should leave.
Iruka sighed. "I know, and usually it really is helpful. It's just not right
now, okay?"
Kakashi nodded, even though Iruka wouldn't see it. "Hai. I'll go. If you need
me... I'll be inside." He moved to leave.
"You could stay... if you want." The jounin barely caught the softly spoken
words and turned to look at the chunin, unsure if he'd heard them at all.
"Would it bother you if I did?" Iruka didn't say anything, merely shook his
head.
Kakashi hesitated but then decided he'd probably just end up pacing downstairs
and headed over. The brunette didn't turn to look at him, even as he walked
over and sat down beside him.
They sat there, the silence stretching between them for what was probably
hours. Kakashi was used to the quiet, and so he waited patiently for the other
to break it.
"I'm sorry," Iruka said, sliding over and leaning his head against the copy-
nin's shoulder. "I didn't mean to snap at you."
"It's fine." He laid his head against the top of Iruka's, finally relaxing.
"I think it's time to go home. I'm ready." The words were soft, sleepy even,
but confident.
Kakashi wanted to argue, but he knew he'd be lying to himself only to delay the
inevitable. "Alright."
***** Chapter 11 *****
Iruka stopped as soon as they came within eyesight of the gates. "Kakashi..."
The copy-nin turned to look, and catching sight of the nervousness in the other
man's eyes, he lept back to where the chunin stood. "Are you alright? If you're
not ready, we can go back."
"No, I'm okay. It's just..." Iruka swallowed hard, still looking like he might
throw up any second. "Don't go too far okay."
"I won't. You'll be fine, though." He smiled reassuringly, even though it
wouldn't be visible with his mask back up.
"Does everyone know?" Iruka wasn't really looking at him, instead the chunin
was staring off towards the gates.
"Tsunade and Ibiki aren't likely to have told anyone. Naruto has been informed
by the both of them that the story is that you're on vacation. As far as anyone
knows, I've been on missions. I had Yamato henge into me to hand in a few
reports, so it's unlikely anyone will realize it's anything other than the
absolute truth." He laid a hand on Iruka's shoulder, and the chunin looked at
him. "There may be a few ANBU, or ex-ANBU, who have figured it out, but you
don't have to worry. They won't say anything."
Iruka relaxed and as they arrived at the gates. Kakashi chatted aimlessly about
various things that had been going on in the village while Iruka was away. The
information had, of course, come from Yamato.
"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto yelled as he wrapped his arms around the surprised
chunin.
Kakashi noticed the slight hesitation before Iruka smiled and ruffled the
teen's blond hair. He was sure most would chalk it up to surprise unless they
knew otherwise.
"Calm down, Naruto. I haven't been gone that long. After I drop my things off,
we can go have ramen if you like. But, only if you let me go so I can breathe,"
Iruka laughed gently, pushing the blond away and taking a step closer to
Kakashi. "Would you like to join us, Kakashi-sensei? I mean, you just got back
from a mission, so you're probably starving."
"I'd like that." He smiled, relieved that Iruka seemed to be adjusting quickly.
"I'll walk with you since we don't live far from one another, and you can tell
Naruto and I more about your vacation."
"You live near me?" Iruka seemed surprised when Kakashi nodded. He only lived a
block away, a convience he, himself, hadn't realized until just now.
They were almost there when Naruto suddenly decided he should go find Sakura
and see if she wanted to join them. Iruka suggested that Sai might want to
come, and Naruto agreed to look for him as well. The blond darted off, saying
he'd see them at Ichiraku's. [4.]
The moment Kakashi shut the door to Iruka's apartment, dropping his pack beside
it, he found his arms full again. The chunin buried his face against Kakashi's
chest. He wrapped his arms around the younger man's shoulders. At first, he
thought that Iruka was crying, but then he realized the other man was merely
shaking.
"It's okay, Iru-koi." He rubbed the knotted shoulders with one hand, holding
Iruka close with the other.
"Tell me this gets easier," the brunette asked, finally relaxing.
"It will and you'll be fine, trust me." He leaned back against the door,
worried he'd fall over himself. "I'm here if you need me."
"Promise?" Iruka asked, still not moving away, as though he was afraid Kakashi
would disappear if he let him go.
"Promise.
-
Ibiki had been surprisingly absent the first week, and Kakashi was beginning to
wonder if the man would ever show up. Or, if he'd have to push Iruka into going
to find him. Then, while he and Iruka were chatting at the gate, as they waited
for Yamato and the kids to return from a short mission, Ibiki showed up.
"He's here," Kakashi said, leaning over to whisper in the chunin's ear so that
Izumo and Kotetsu, who were on gate duty, wouldn't overhear. Iruka frowned and
looked up at him. "You should go talk to him." The frown deepened.
"I don't want to." The statement was calm, but the copy-nin didn't miss the way
Iruka's eyes darted to where Ibiki stood watching them.
"You'll be fine, Iru-koi." He kept the words quiet, aware they had an audience.
The back of his neck prickled, although he wasn't sure if it was because Ibiki
was glaring at him, or because of the way Kotetsu and Izumo were trying to
'subtlely' watch. Not that they'd be able to hear the conversation at this
distance, but still.
"Fine," Iruka sighed. "Just..." A light blush lit the scared cheeks. "Promise
you won't get lost."
"I promise." Then, he slipped back into the conversational tone they'd been
using previous to Ibiki's arrival. "I'll let Naruto and Sakura know you had
something to take care of, and that you'll see them later."
"Thank you, Kakashi-sensei. I'll see you later." As Iruka turned to walk away,
his hand brushed Kakashi's lightly. The copy-nin smiled at the subtle, yet
glaringly obvious, excuse for contact.
-
It had been well over two hours since Iruka had left to talk with Ibiki, and
nearly an hour since he'd made his excuses to his team. Kakashi paced back and
forth in his apartment, trying to ignore the way his insides were twisted into
a thousand knots. He wasn't even sure if Iruka would come over before he went
to meet the kids. He just known there was no way he'd be able to keep from
fidgetting, so he'd left.
Kakashi about jumped out of his skin when he heard the first knock on his door,
and he was across the room before the third landed. He took a deep breath and
then pulled the door open.
"Iruka-sensei," he smiled, forcing the words to sound calmer than he felt.
"Come in." The chunin stepped in and headed to the couch without a word.
Kakashi shut the door and pulled down his mask before joining the brunette on
the couch.
Iruka sighed, shaking his head, and the jounin wondered if that was a sign
things hadn't gone well. "I'm so glad that's over." The words didn't really
clear up Kakashi's anxiety.
"How did it go?" He watched for some clue that would hint at what he wanted to
know.
Iruka looked exhausted but otherwise gave nothing away with his expression.
"We had lunch, which didn't really go so well since neither of us spoke more
than a dozen words the entire time. Then, we went to his apartment and had
tea."
The knot in Kakashi's chest tightened. "Hai." He waited for Iruka to continue.
"That went a little better. I appologized, he appologized, and it was generally
very awkward." The copy-nin slammed down on the urge to ask if they'd gotten
back together, partly because he wasn't sure he wanted to know.
Finally, Iruka continued, "And then, I told him I'd like to stay friends but
that..." The chunin ran a hand over his hair, still not really looking at him.
"That I was in love with someone else." Iruka finally turned to look at him,
and Kakashi stared back unable to actually form a coherent thought. "He said he
already knew. He could tell by the way I looked at you."
Kakashi opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. He'd spent so
much time preparing himself for Iruka to say he was still in love with Ibiki,
or for the chunin to fall apart when the relationship officially ended, that he
wasn't sure what to say, so he sat there slack jawed and blinking.
"I understand." Iruka said after a moment, looking away. "Can we still be
friends, Kakashi?"
He finally managed to pull his thoughts together when the chunin looked away,
and scooted next to Iruka, drawing the man's attention again. Iruka opened his
mouth to say something, but, before the words could leave his mouth, Kakashi
leaned forward and pressed his lips to the chunin's. His eyes closed, and he
slid a hand behind Iruka's head, deepening the kiss for a moment before
breaking it. Kakashi rested his forehead against Iruka's and smiled. "I love
you, too, Iru-koi."
A smile spread across the brunette's face before Iruka planted another quick
kiss on his lips. "Good."
The knots in Kakashi's stomach disappeared to be replaced by an entire flock of
butterflies, and he decided he liked them a lot better. He pulled the chunin
onto his lap and kissed him again, relishing the taste of Iruka's lips.
Pulling away slightly, Iruka swatted his leg and scowled at him. "That's for
leaving me sitting there thinking you didn't feel the same for a good five
minutes."
"You're much cuter as a sadist than a masochist you know," he teased. "It suits
you."
Iruka blushed, averting his eyes slightly. "You deserved it. You could have at
least given me some kind of clue that you liked me, you know." The chunin's
voice fell slightly. "All those times we... you didn't even..." Iruka looked at
him again, the hurt evident in his eyes. "You never responded to any of it. I
thought you didn't..." The younger man swallowed audibly but didn't look away
this time. "I thought you didn't want me."
"Oh, koi, I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to." He brushed Iruka's cheek
with the back of his hand. "I just... all that was about focusing on you, and I
didn't want my own desires confusing that. I wanted to give you a chance to
figure out what you wanted, without having to worry about what anyone else
wanted, myself included."
Understanding lit the chunin's eyes, and the man leaned forward and kissed him
lightly. "Don't ever do that again," Iruka murmured a hairs breadth from his
lips before kissing him again. "I want to know what you like, what you want,"
he said, pulling away again. "I love you, so what you want is just as important
as what I want." A smile spread across Iruka's face. "You should know that;
after all, you're the one who taught me that. So... promise?"
"I promise," Kakashi said as he pulled Iruka's lips against his again, deciding
he'd never get enough of Iruka's kisses.
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