Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2453012.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      The_Fosters_(TV_2013)_RPF
  Relationship:
      Brandon_Foster/Callie_Jacob
  Character:
      Brandon_Foster, Callie_Jacob
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-10-14 Updated: 2015-07-19 Chapters: 6/? Words: 9330
****** Outlaws ******
by CatherineDahl
Summary
     Picking up from the end of season 2.
***** Fallout *****
"I've given up so much to be adopted..." I looked into his eyes, those familiar
blue eyes asking me what I meant, searching for answers that I didn't want to
speak aloud. I just wanted to finally give into the urge that never left, that
I had to deny and bury deep inside of me. I wanted to kiss him, I wanted him to
kiss me. I wanted to know that we were still Brandon and Callie. That the song
was still OUR song. I needed to know he'd take me back and forgive me for the
prospect of a family that was never meant to be.
I leaned in and before I knew it his lips were on mine. My hands grabbing at
his hair grasping, needing to feel closer to him. His hands had found their
usual place, tangled up in my own hair. I could feel my heart racing, my
thoughts no longer on what just happened but completely on him. I had missed
him so much. I cared about Wyatt but kissing him was never this. Brandon fit me
perfectly. He knew that kissing my neck, the way he was now, making me moan
softly. No one could give me goosebumps just by running their hand down my
side, grazing my chest, coming to land on my waist the way Brandon could. I
wasn't a girl who had anxiety about sex around Brandon, I was the girl who
wanted to rip his clothes off to see what it would finally be like.
His fingers began unbuttoning my white dress as he pulled me closer and kissed
me lower. I pulled away quickly when I heard the clack of heels and my name
being called.
"Brandon?"
I rushed to fix my dress and felt instantly grateful for not wearing makeup the
way girls my age did. The last thing I needed was there to be a trail of
lipstick for someone to easily follow. Brandon grabbed my hand and began
walking me away from Lou who sounded like she was steadily approaching.
"What are you doing?" I hissed a whisper Brandon's way.
"I am not dealing with her now, we have to figure this out Callie, once and for
all." He whispered back. The anxiety of these past few months written all over
his face.
I knew what he was thinking instantly as he pulled me into a door way just in
time to not be seen. He was worried about our endless tug of war, will we won't
we dance that we had been doing since I first walked into the Foster's house.
What he didn't know was that I was ready to resign myself to my fate. I'd pick
Brandon, go into independent living and just give up on trying to be part of
them. This time I'd pick Brandon, and I would be happier for it, I could feel
it. Now wasn't the time to tell him though, not now that we were in this small
doorway leading to the front stairs.
I began to pull him down the stair way quietly and lead him back to his car.
"Callie, where are we going?" he finally asked once the coast was clear.
"Somewhere we can be alone." I finally answered as we got to his car.
He looked at me silently, no doubt over thinking what I meant by this, but he
opened my door and let me inside. Once inside the car I grabbed my cellphone
and turned it off, throwing it to the floor of the car. Brandon looked at me
quizzically as he got in the car just in time to see me chuck it aside. He got
in the car, turned it on and started to drive.
"So, what are we doing Callie? What is this?" he finally asked me.
"I pick you Brandon." I was looking at him now, studying him. How long had it
been that I wasn't allowed to look at him? I wasn't allowed to notice his messy
hair, or his slender fingers -that I couldn't help but wonder what they'd feel
like on my body-, or the way his lips spoke my name. Everything that I loved
about him out in the open again. I felt free, I felt amazingly free.
"What do you mean you pick me?" There was a furrow in his brow as he asked for
the reassurance that I know I made him need.
"I mean that I pick you, I'll do whatever I have to do but I'm done running
away from the only person that I can talk to, the only person that makes me
feel free, makes me feel alive Brandon. You bring out a side of me I never knew
existed, so I'm done running, I want everyone to know how much I love you." I
said running my hand through his hair, landing on his jaw.
I wanted to kiss him then and there as I saw the flush reach his face. His hand
reached up and grabbed mine. Our fingers interlocked and we drove back to his
home. The drive was longer than I wished it was, but once we got there he
pulled me quickly inside and up the stairs. He pulled me into his room and
locked the door behind of him. He began to kiss me while I was pressed up
against his door. His lips began their trail down my neck while his hands
fumbled at the buttons on my dress again. I pulled off his blazer and grabbed
his shirt to lift above his head.
He had one hand in my hair as his other hand followed the trail of my side,
grazing my chest again, only this time his hand was inside my dress, making me
more excited. I felt myself getting wet as his hand pulled my leg around him
and I felt his dick grow harder against my thigh. I could barely think straight
as I let out moan after moan whenever his hands touched a new part of my body.
I let my hands slide up and down his chest that felt strong, muscular even,
until I finally felt worked up enough to reach for his belt and began to take
off his pants. He was in his boxers as he slid my dress off my shoulders and
let it fall to the ground as he lead me to his bed. He slid on top of me and
began to rub his hand outside of my panties. Instantly finding my clit through
the cotton to rub his thumb against. My moans growing louder between the
kissing. He reached his hand back up and as he kissed me he took off my front
clasp bra. He rolled me on top of him, and began playing with my nipples,
making them instantly hard, and me instantly squirm. He rolled me over again,
this time moving lower on my body, leaving a trail of kisses.
He pulled my panties off and spread my legs, before I could panic about what he
was doing and how close he was to me I felt his tongue press up against my
clit. It was warm and wet as it began moving in circles. I reflexively grabbed
at his covers the longer he was down there. He reached up one hand to grab my
breast and the other I felt slip inside me. His hands and mouth moving in
perfect harmony as though I were the keys on a piano. I could feel my muscles
begin to to clench as I said his name. "Brandon! Oh God, Brandon!" And I was
finished.
He stood up and reached into his night stand for a condom. He slipped off his
boxers and I watched as he slipped the condom on his hard dick. He climbed on
top of me and kissed me again.
"I love you Callie." He stopped and looked into my eyes, as if asking if I was
still sure this was what I wanted.
"I love you too Brandon." I said back with a nod.
He slid himself inside of me with ease, as I wrapped my legs around him. I
could feel him going deep inside of me, making me moan with each slow deep
thrust. His hand holding mine, as if for assurance. He was Brandon, my Brandon
who would never hurt me, do anything for me and always love me. And I was his
Callie, the flawed, wreck of a person that he loved anyway.
He came and pulled out, lying next to me in his bed. Caressing my arm, a
blissful smile on both of our faces. I had had sex with him, and I was fine the
entire time. In fact I had felt things I never knew I would feel. I had taken
back my life from everyone and decided I would share it with him. But I
couldn't help feel that pit at the bottom of my stomach that I had jumped the
gun.
***** His *****
Chapter Summary
     What happens when you finally get what you want? Everything falls to
     pieces of course.
Being with Callie was easy, it felt like something that should have always been
finally was. It felt perfect and while I had my own insecurities about sex I
just wanted to make sure that it felt as good for her, that it felt as right
for her. I continued stroking her arm, wanting to be in this moment forever,
the moment when we weren't foster brother and sister but she was Callie, my
Callie.
I had been in love with her for so long that being with anyone else seemed
wrong. I had thought I'd loved Talya but that wasn't love like this, I really
did like Lou a lot but I don't think I'd ever feel this way about her either. I
never watched them with this longing that I always felt for Callie. When I
argued with any of them I instantly wanted to be as far away from them as
possible, I would need a while to cool off before I could even look at them;
Callie and I argued often enough but I always wanted to hold her, keep her
close to me as her instinct to run kicked in.
"How was that?" I finally worked up enough guts to ask her.
"What?" She seemed to barely notice that I was there.
I turned on my side to face her, brush her curly hair out of her face. "Was
that good?" I asked, clearing my throat, feeling my ears begin to burn crimson.
"Brandon!" She blushed and started getting up to get her clothes on.
"What?" I said, grasping her and kissing her softly. "Can't a guy want to know
if he pleased his girl?" I sounded like such an ass hat.
"It was... good." She blushed harder and kissed me quickly, still on her
mission to leave our perfect moment.
"So... do you want to talk about it?" My heart skipping a beat as I saw her
begin to struggle with what just happened. She was doing it again, the Callie
move of running away whenever things got complicated or tough.
"Talk about what? We had sex, I told you I'm leaving this house, I'm not
getting adopted, what more should we talk about Brandon?" She asked me
flustered again.
A knot formed in the pit of my stomach. She was going to break my heart again,
I could feel it in my gut and as much as I hated her for doing this to me again
I hated myself more. I was such a push over, I had always been. I had always
been dependable Brandon, reliable Brandon, smart Brandon, reasonable Brandon,
responsible Brandon, doormat Brandon. I had let her think of me that way to.
I was always here after Callie and Wyatt broke up again for whatever reason. I
was here after Callie told me she had tried to have sex with Wyatt. I was there
to pick her up when Wyatt almost got her sent back to juvie. I was there, I was
always there and here I was again. I left my girlfriend for Callie again only
this time my girlfriend didn't know and I don't know why she'd need to. We
haven't made anything official yet. I messed up, but I will be damned if I
don't fix it!
"Nothing I guess." I grabbed my boxers and slipped them on and continued the
man hunt for the rest of my clothes. This time she wouldn't have the chance to
leave me, I'd leave first.
She was already dressed when I slipping on my shirt and opening my door so that
I could walk out barefoot to get away from her as fast as possible so that I
wouldn't be dragged back into her life again. The nasty habit I seemed to have
from day one of following her through hell and back.
"Brandon, where are you going?" She said in a hushed voice. I continued to walk
away pretending not to hear her.
I sat in the back yard for a while, staring into the sky that had begun to set.
The purples, pinks, blues, and orange hues all mixing in together. I'm sure
there was a metaphor to be found in there somewhere but I just didn't have it
in me. I was fighting my every impulse to go back to Callie and fight for this,
but I had already fought for this relationship plenty. Maybe if I gave her some
space, let her breath and figure things out she would fight for us this time.
I heard the front door slam and willed myself to stay still. Humming our song
to myself as I stayed still, watching the sunset. I'd go in once it was dark,
once I couldn't stand it anymore.
"You forgot your phone at the benefit." I turned my head to see Lou standing at
the doorway.
"Oh." She began walking towards me.
"What happened to you, I was looking everywhere for you." She sat down next to
me and I felt sick.
"Something happened with Callie and her father so I went looking for her and
when I couldn't find her I just came home, I decided I'd wait to see if she
would come home." The lie flew off my tongue so easily I couldn't even
recognize myself at this point.
"Oh, your moms are worried Brandon you might want to call them and let them
know what happened." She sounded so concerned, not angry, disappointed, or
scared that I had done anything wrong. Lou believed me, she trusted me, she was
concerned and I hated myself more and more.
"BRANDON! CALLIE!" I heard being yelled from inside the house. "YOU BETTER HAVE
ONE HELL OF AN EXCUSE YOU TWO!"
I cringed as I heard my mom yell.
"I should go..." Lou said looking uneasy. "Call me when you can." She kissed me
quickly and left from the side gate, avoiding my moms completely.
I walked into the house, full acceptance that I was screwed. When they saw
Callie and I home together they'd figure it out and everything would come
crashing down. I'd be lucky if I wasn't sent to live with my dad again for this
one.
When I got inside the house my mom was livid. Lena was looking less than
thrilled and I had come in just in time to see the last of Mariana, Jesus and
Jude climb the stairs. However, Callie was nowhere to be seen in the living
room.
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!? AND WHERE IS CALLIE!?" She yelled at me again.
I cringed and looked away as I answered, retelling the same lie I had just told
Lou in more detail.
"Something happened between Callie and her family... I mean Robert Quinn." I
corrected myself. "She said he wouldn't sign the papers and that she'd never be
adopted. She didn't tell me exactly what happened, she just freaked out and
left. When I went to find her she was gone and I looked for her but I couldn't
find her so I came home to see if she'd come home." I felt like I had just
vomited all of this information at them.
"Why didn't you call us Brandon?" Lena asked, sounding defeated. Losing a
child, quitting her job and the prospect of Callie leaving again seemed to all
weigh her down, leaving her looking tired and more sad than I'd ever seen her.
"I didn't have my phone and I was hoping she'd come home so I wouldn't have to
worry you guys." I was half honest, that was something right?
"I'll call Wyatt and see if he's seen her." Lena replied with a sigh.
Mom was staring at me, gauging my honesty. If Callie was upstairs I don't know
how I'd explain that. I wouldn't be able to I suppose.
"B, if you're lying you are going to be in so much trouble, I can't even begin
to explain to you how in trouble you would be." She sighed and began using her
phone.
"She isn't with Wyatt." Lena said walking back into the living room.
"I just tried tracking her again, her phone is on again and it looks like she's
at the beach." Mom sighed with relief.
Lena smiled a deflated, flat smile and shrugged. "She's a lot like you Steph,
you should go talk to her."
"You don't want to come?" She asked Lena.
"No, I'll stay here with the kids. Go get our girl back." Lena put her arm on
my shoulder, squeezing lightly. All the tension her body was holding being kept
at her very finger tips.
Mom grabbed the keys and kissed Lena goodbye and went off to find Callie.
"Brandon, if something happened now is the time to come clean." She eyed me
suspiciously.
"Nothing happened, I'm with Lou, Nothing happened." I said looking away from
Lena.
There was silence for a while until she finally spoke again. "You're right
Brandon, you're a good kid. I don't think you could ever cheat on anyone." her
voice sounded lighter and I felt a heavier weight on me.
I went back up stairs and laid down. I was just going to listen to music and
wait for shit to hit the fan but when I opened my eyes my room was dark, and my
clock said it was four a.m.
I decided to go downstairs and get myself a glass of water or something to eat,
I hadn't realized how hungry I was until I thought about the left over pasta
from last night. As I walked in I saw her standing at the coffee machine,
sipping at a cup and not looking my way.
"Did I do something wrong Brandon?" she whispered to me without turning around.
"How did you know it was me?" The pit in my stomach seemed to be growing deeper
and deeper as every waking hour passed.
"Your steps sound different, and I can smell your body wash." She still didn't
look at me as she whispered at me.
I stayed silent and stared at her. She looked beautiful. Her curly hair
catching the changing light as night was going to become day. She was wearing a
T-shirt with a hole on the side, exposing a small portion of skin that I always
felt tempted to touch. She was wearing tiny cotton shorts, her legs long, lean
and tan; the very legs that had been wrapped around me a few hours ago.
Before I could even control myself I was walking towards her, putting my hands
on her shoulders and turning her around to face me. She looked as though she
had been crying.
"You never answered me." She avoided meeting my eyes.
"Why would you think you did something wrong?" I asked her, my heart breaking
and forgetting every reason why I had been mad at her to begin with.
"You ran out on me. Was I that bad? Did I do something wrong?" Her eyes were
tearing up again.
"No you were perfect Callie. You are perfect. I was just worried that you were
going to walk away from me, that you were having second thoughts and I panicked
Callie. You are the best and most important thing in my life and I just don't
want to lose you." I hugged her close to me.
She sighed and finally met my gaze. Her hands wrapped against me as she pulled
me in to kiss me. I kissed her again, knowing that I might and would most
likely regret it later but for tonight we could be together and in love again
in the dead of night.
I kissed her lips, her neck, her chest, her stomach, her thighs and then took
her hand and lead her back to my room. I locked the door behind of us and began
taking off her clothes. Her shirt with the hole, her tiny cotton shorts, her
white bra, with matching lace panties. I picked her up and placed her on my
desk, placing my hand on her chest slowly pushing her back and kissing down her
body. I spread her legs and licked her clit gently. I began moving my mouth in
time with her hip movements. Her hands grasping at my hair as she tried her
best not to be heard.
I kept moving until I felt her body shutter and then grabbed a condom from my
desk. I slipped out of my jeans again and she sat up to pull my shirt over my
head. I slipped the condom on as she kissed me and wrapped her legs around me
again, leading me between her legs. I slipped in immediately, with urgency. The
first time we had had sex was soft and loving, this time held a sense of it
being hurried and intense. I was inside of her for what seemed like not long
enough before the build up of climax began and was done with. I finished and
kissed her as I felt her legs finally release me.
She began getting dressed and kissed me. "I'll see you later." And then she was
gone. Lost to me for another night.
***** What are sisters for? *****
My eyes shot open as I heard Steph calling out my name, the cautious way she
said "Callie," the way that I knew meant trouble, I knew it meant that my
natural instinct to run would kick in. No matter how much growing up I did, I
always seemed ready to run.
The pale look on Stephs face made my heart sink to my stomach. What was wrong?
Was it Jude? Lena? The twins? Brandon? Or did she know what happened last
night? Could she smell the shame that I couldn't seem to shake? Or could she
sense that inner giddiness that I didn't allow myself to dwell in from the fact
that I finally had an experience worth remembering, with someone who I loved so
dearly?
"It's Sophia..." Her voice trailed off and her eyes struggled to meet mine.
"Something happened to her yesterday night, they found her unconscious in her
room."
I sat up quickly and my mind began to race.
'Not another funeral' I chanted to myself over and over again as I grabbed a
pair of pants I thought were clean and a t-shirt that was the first in my
drawers.
"Callie, she's being held on a 48 hour watch. She tried to kill herself. She's
fine though, Robert is there and called us... He didn't know if you'd want to
go over there after what happened yesterday." She put her hand on my shoulder
and I brushed it off quickly.
"Of course I'll go, let me just change and then I'll go."
"Okay, we'll be downstairs dear."
I got dressed quickly, and instinctively. I didn't bother with my hair that
still felt stale from the salt water that washed over me at the beach last
night when I fled the scene, yet again. As I walked in the jeans I could feel
the left over sand bits in them, the rough texture that they still had. But I
didn't have time for that now. I had time to brush my teeth and then leave.
I just didn't know how I would face Robert or Sophia after what I had said to
them. I wanted to be adopted by the Fosters but not like this, not at the cost
of someone else. I had to accept at some point that I just couldn't be part of
this family, and maybe this was my wake up call, maybe now would be the moment
that I'd go live the life I could have had. Maybe all my words to Brandon
yesterday weren't lies, and I could have both families and the love of my life
at the same time.
When I reached the bottom of the stairs Brandon was standing there, keys in
hand. "Let's go."
I looked at moms and they nodded. "We'll be there soon, me and mom need to
handle something here first." said Lena.
They hugged me, both tight and very distinct hugs. Lena hugging tightly but
very gently at the same time, while Steph hugged hard and protective. I loved
them both so much and I could only hope that they loved me the same way.
"Let's go." I nodded at Brandon.
The car ride was silent, and he let me walk in front of him into the hospital,
keeping in step behind of me the entire way until I saw Robert.
"Callie, you came!" His eyes were bloodshot, he had been crying, maybe
drinking. "I didn't think you'd come after yesterday. I figured... I figured
you wouldn't want to see us again, but I should have known. You are so much
like your mother Callie. You are so kind and forgiving and perfect."
His words slurred a little and I felt a lump in my throat at the mention of my
mother. I was still that child, the little girl who wouldn't kiss her mother
goodbye. I didn't know how to shake being that child, or if I could but I hated
myself for doing it again. If only I was that forgiving things might have been
different right now.
"Can I go see her? Can I see Sophia?" I asked, my heart racing. I just needed
to make sure she was alive, see it with my own eyes.
"They have her for a Psychiatric evaluation right now and she gets to see us
for a few minutes while they decide what's best for her. A social worker will
talk to us then and looking into why she did this." His voice broke. "I don't
know why she'd do this Callie."
Robert was trying his best not to cry, and I had no right to cry, not after how
I treated everyone.
A woman in a sophisticated outfit walked our way.
"Robert Quinn?" She asked, eyeing us cautiously.
"Yes, I'm Robert Quinn."
They shook hands.
"I'm Sophia's psychiatrist." She cleared her throat. "She seems to be suffering
from severe depression and what seems to me like a bipolar disorder Mr. Quinn."
"What does that mean?" He asked, running his hands through his hair.
"Sophia experiences very big highs and very big lows with her emotions. When
the lows hit she falls into a deep depression and begins to feel very hopeless.
These are called manic episodes Mr. Quinn. I believe that yesterday she was
having a manic episode that lead her to try to kill herself." She glanced over
at me, looking as though she was studying me. "I am recommending she be
admitted for a few weeks, just so we can get her on a therapy schedule and
start her on a dose of anti-depressants that will work for her."
"Can we see her?" He was crying now, the type of tears that begin to fall no
matter how much you will yourself not to cry.
"Yes you can go see her for a few minutes while we get her room ready, then
maybe you or your wife could go pack up some of her clothing for her." She
nodded and left.
"Let's go Callie." Robert didn't face me.
I turned to look for Brandon, who had been standing behind me the entire time.
I gave him a look and without saying anything he knew. "Go ahead Callie, I'll
be right here waiting for moms." He smiled a small encouraging smile.
I walked into the sterile looking room and saw her lying there, looking pale,
and so small in that hospital bed. Her eyes were as bloodshot as Roberts, and
her wrists were covered in bandages.
When finally turned her head to look at us she didn't look like the girl I had
seen this time yesterday, the kind, smart, eager girl that just wanted an older
sister. She was so angry and defeated looking I felt short of breath just
looking at her.
"Oh honey." Robert began sobbing as he walked over to her, to hold her in his
arms.
He held her as she stared daggers into me.
"I'm going to go get your mother, she went to the food court to get you
something you might want to eat when we could finally see you again." He said
to her quickly and almost took off running down the hall.
There was a moment of silence that seemed to span lifetimes.
"What do you want Callie?" Sophia spit out at me.
"I was worried, I came to see if you were okay."
'I needed you to be okay' -the thing I could only bring myself to say in my
head.
"What does it matter to you? You don't want me! I'm a spoiled child for wanting
a sister! I'm an awful person for wanting my sister! But that's fine because I
don't want you anymore Callie! Go off with Jude and your foster family, you
were never good enough for this family anyway, that's why dad didn't stay with
your slut mother!" She yelled at me, tears streaming down her face.
My eyes began to water. "Sophia, I didn't..." I began.
"You didn't what Callie? You didn't want us? I know that already! So why don't
you just leave? Go back to whatever pathetic life you were living before and
leave us alone! You wanted to be left alone, that's the only thing you wanted
from us yesterday so just go! Leave! Now!" Each word sounded angrier and louder
than the last.
I turned around and walked out. I passed by Brandon and heard him calling my
name after me.
He finally grabbed a hold of me once we were outside in the empty courtyard
that held lunch tables.
"Are you okay?" He was holding onto my arm tightly.
"Leave me alone Brandon." I was crying, those angry, hot, helpless tears I had
seen Robert crying earlier. The tears that came even though I wished they
wouldn't.
"Callie you need to talk about it." His voice softened.
"Talk about what Brandon? I'm done talking! I'm toxic! I'm absolutely toxic to
everyone around me!" I pulled my arm away from him. "I ruin everything for
everyone."
"That isn't true Callie, this wasn't your fault."
"Yes it was! I destroy everything that comes near me Brandon! I ruined
everything for Jude, for Wyatt, for Sophia, for Robert, for you! I break
everything!" I was yelling now, I was trying not to but I was yelling.
"No you don't. Jude is adopted, Wyatt is living somewhere now, Sophia is
getting help she needs, Robert has both his daughters, and I have exactly what
I want and need... I have you." Brandon said reaching for me.
"No you don't Brandon, you and I can never be together. Never." I sobbed and
walked away.
***** Lou *****
There was something about Callie that always seemed to push me off the deep
end. Those big brown eyes always caught me off guard and made me want to just
kiss her, it didn't matter what stupid thing she could be doing or saying at
the very moment her eyes met mine I wanted to grab her and kiss her, shutting
her up and keeping her in the moment with me.
"Hey Lou, what are you doing?" I called, I shouldn't have called but I did.
"Helping my friend disaster proof his new pad. Why?" She said with that flirty
tinge to her voice.
"I was wondering if you wanted to hang out today?"
"I would but I'm helping him because he's throwing a party tonight, you should
come though!"
"Sure, send me the address and I'll stop by later then."
"Okay! Awesome! I'll text you then and see you around 8?" She giggled.
"Yeah I'll see you around 8."
I decided to go home for a bit, Callie was never the type to go home when upset
anyway. When I walked in no one was home anymore so I went straight upstairs to
kill about three hours. I couldn't sit still no matter how hard I tried to. I
was angry and more tense than I could ever remember being before. I went
downstairs to make myself something to eat after about an hour of pacing,
trying to read, trying to come up with some new music, and finally trying to
take a nap.
Mariana eyed me with confusion when I walked into the kitchen.
"Where is Callie?" She asked.
"At the hospital." I said with more conviction than I felt.
"Oh, I just figured you'd stay with her since you two have that freaky bond
thing." She said into her salad.
"Nope, I came home to kill time before going out with Lou later." I turned my
back to her and went to the fridge.
"So are you two... together?"
"Yeah." I sighed.
"That's good, that means you are finally over Callie right?"
I felt the blood rush to my face. "Yup." In fact, I had no idea what I felt for
Callie right now.
"I'm glad. I know we didn't talk about it much after she ran away but it kind
of freaked me out Brandon. I mean she's our sister, and even if we haven't
adopted her yet she's a part of our family you know?" Silence fell between us
while I tried to keep my composure.
"I'm glad too." I said finally getting a yogurt and trying to make my run for
it quickly.
"Did you really love her Brandon?" Mariana was staring at me dead in the eyes.
"... Yeah..." I grabbed a spoon.
"How did you know?"
I sighed. I hated talking about Callie this way, it always become obvious to
everyone how much I cared about her after I started. I wasn't sure exactly what
gave me away every time but talking about loving her let people read me like an
open book.
"I don't know Mariana, I just did. I would think about her all the time and
look forward to seeing her all the time. She spent her first day at school with
me in the music room and I was just drawn to her. Then I saw how brave she was
going after Jude, how selfless she was about it and I couldn't help it. When I
saw her in that dress for your quinceanera I was kind of done for, I couldn't
stop gravitating towards her and I became so aware of her. I followed the way
she moved, little habits she has that I found endearing, I knew where she was
all the time -and it wasn't because of some creepy stalker thing but because I
was attuned to her somehow. Then when we first kissed it felt right, it felt
like I belonged there."
I looked back at Mariana who was looking off into the distance, no doubt
picturing her and Mat, too busy to notice anything.
As I began to walk away, feeling like I had dodged a bullet, she spoke up.
"You really loved her." She sighed. "I'm sorry it didn't work out Brandon, but
I mean maybe you'll feel like that about Lou with time."
"Yeah." I said and then walked to my room.
Something about her last comment bugged me for the next hour and a half. I had
fallen in love with Callie quickly and easily. Falling in love with her had me
realize that I cared deeply for Talya but I never loved her like this. And Lou,
Lou was smart, and talented and fun to be around but I didn't feel like I was
falling for her, especially not while I had everything up in the air with
Callie every other week.
When I finally came back from that epic rabbit hole I had fallen into it was 8
and while I figured I shouldn't go, I got up and left anyway. I needed distance
from Callie and a party would at least help me get my mind off of her.
I got to the party and soon enough Lou was at my side.
"Did you want a beer or something?" She asked as her hand found mine.
"No I'm good." I forced a smile.
"You're always so responsible, are you sure you can't just let loose for once?"
She looked up at me and my stomach was in knots.
"Sure." I said as she led me to the 'bar' that was just a table filled with
liquors and soda.
"Did you want some of the hard stuff or a beer to pace yourself with?" She said
pointing out the keg.
"SHOTS!" I heard someone yell and then I was handed a shot.
"What is this?" I asked her and she shrugged and laughed.
"To Thomas's new apartment!" Someone else yelled.
And the burning from the shot filled up my insides. I coughed a bit as she
turned to me and said "Tequila, that was tequila."
"I never thought I'd see Brandon taking a shot." I heard from the other side of
me.
Mariana and Mat there hand in hand.
"You know this dating my sister thing is weird now that she's everywhere I go."
I joked to Mat.
"Shut up Brandon!" She nudged me.
"I think it's best to get you a beer now, don't want you to get throw up
drunk." Lou said and walked away to the keg.
"We're gonna go dance, I'll find you later." Mariana said to me as she took Mat
off to the makeshift dance floor.
I stood there for a bit and felt the pang in my stomach to be there for Callie,
back at home. I gave into my impulse so to speak and texted her.
-Hey Callie, how are you doing?- I sent at eight-forty-three and waited.
By the time nine-twenty rolled around I was agitated at her again.
Ignoring my better judgement the beer Lou had given me that I had been nursing
was being chugged. I was on my third beer and second shot when it was ten.
I finally decided to stop sulking and grabbed Lou's hand and led her outside of
the party and pinned her against the wall. I began kissing her, the kind of
kiss that you can feel everywhere because all of your senses are tingling from
the alcohol. Her hands were running up the back of my shirt, they were long and
warmer than I'd expect.
"Did... You... Drive... Here...?" She asked out of breath in between kissing.
"Yeah why?" I asked, losing a grip on my balance for a second.
"I'd rather not do this in public." She smiled, a smile that was completely
unguarded for once.
"Yeah, okay." I said smiling and kissing her, leading her to my car.
She was stumbling and giggling the entire way, until we entered the car, then
she seemed to snap out of this version of her I didn't know existed, all girly
and giggles and into a sexy in charge woman.
She was on her knees next to me, slipping off my shirt, kissing down my chest.
She was beginning to undo my belt and pants when the queasy feeling began to
hit me. I started fighting it off as she took my dick from my pants and began
to stroke it as she kissed my neck. Another wave washed over me with a hint of
guilt. She put my hard dick in her mouth and began to moan and I just couldn't.
"Lou."
"You like that?" She said coming up, with a satisfied look on her face.
"It's great, it's just I can't do this." I said and she stopped moving her hand
up and down my shaft.
"What's wrong?" She looked hurt for a second.
"It's not you it's just." And then a final wave came and knocked all of my
composure from me. I opened the car door in time to throw up.
"Oh honey." she said stroking my back and laughing a bit. "I'll go get Mat and
your sister, see if they can drive you home."
I could hear her giggle as she walked away to go find them.
Once she was gone I put my clothes back on and sat there with my head back. The
car was spinning and I could barely feel when my phone vibrated.
-I'm sorry for what happened Brandon, I just got to charge my phone. I'm
staying at my dads tonight, we'll talk in the morning okay?-
I could only semi understand it but it started an entire new wave of nausea to
occur.
"Oh Brandon, moms are going to be mad!" Mariana said laughing.
They led me to Mat's car and I tried my best to not pass out and reply to
Callie's text. By the time we reached the house I couldn't fight it anymore, I
was just dragging myself upstairs and throwing my clothes into a pile and
leaving the entire mess behind me.
***** Fixed *****
Maybe it was the fact that we had had this fight so many times that calmed me a
bit. Or maybe it was the fact that if it was done I wouldn't have this knotted
up feeling in the pit of my stomach every time that anyone at home spoke to me.
Either way I was a bit more calm than I should have been when I walked into the
house in the morning. Brandon would forgive me, the way he always did OR he'd
leave me and that would be the end of it, I'd have a few moments that I'd
always hold onto, always treasure, I'd be okay.
Once I reached the top of the stairs I saw him walking back into his room, all
broad shoulder, button up shirts and still a hauntingly thoughtful look on his
face, revealing that he hadn't slept well again. He walked into his room and
left the door open, inviting me to go in. My heart raced and I knew that I
would be devastated the day we ended this because I knew it would never work. I
walked in and closed the door behind me.
He was standing next to his bed when I turned to face him. His eyes were tired,
his hair still a little damp from a shower and the room was filled with the
smell of his body wash. I wanted to apologize, the same apology I had given him
again and again, but how many times was it okay to give him the same excuse? To
tell him that I was a mess and my mother died before she taught me how to talk
to men, and my father wasn't really my father, and the only thing I learned
from being in the system was to watch out for myself and Jude, these were all
things that I had exhausted.
"Callie..." He began, but I couldn't hear it, not now.
I walked towards him, stopping him mid sentence with my lips on his. This
moment was ours and whatever happened after this moment would happen then.
Right now all I wanted was to be with him at least once more. So that's what I
did.
His lips resisted a bit at first but slowly began to move in rhythm with mine.
My hands were in his wet hair and his hands hesitated on my hips, his grip
slowly getting more firm around me. I kissed his neck, nibbled his ear and
before I could tell what was happening he had spun me around and began laying
me down on his bed. He began unbuttoning my dress that I had envisioned him
taking off of me when I bought it. The light cotton material sitting closely to
my skin, looking a little sheer in the right light.
He pulled away from me when he had unbuttoned my dress completely and stared
into my eyes. "Callie, this is all I want. This is all I could ever want." I
kissed him more firmly this time, drowning that pit in my stomach into the
rising heat that always seemed to consume my body whenever he touched me.
Once we finished we talked, the thing I was dreading doing.
"So what did you do yesterday Callie?" He asked me as he put his clothes back
on.
"I walked around the hospital, grabbed a coffee and then went back." There was
a lump in my throat as I thought about yesterday. "I tried to talk to Sophia, I
figured that maybe if I stayed with Robert that she'd see that I cared."
He sat next to me and held my hand. "I'm sure she knows you care, she's just
feeling a lot of things right now Callie."
I was positive that he had tried to say this to me yesterday when I was a mess
and I had exploded at him instead of listening. However, hearing it now, while
calm seemed different, it was actually comforting this time around.
"Thanks Brandon." I sighed as I leaned my head on his shoulder. "What did you
do yesterday?" I asked.
"I umm..." He hesitated. "I went out with Mariana to a party, no big deal."
"You went to a party!?" I laughed. "How hard did she have to push you to go to
a party?"
"Not too much, I mean the band was there so I figured I should be too..."
"Oh." I pulled away from him. "So Lou was there?"
He nodded.
Something about Lou always rubbed me the wrong way. It wasn't that she was ever
rude to me or anything that I had ever stopped to think about, but now that she
wasn't with Brandon anymore I knew it wasn't exactly jealousy. It was something
different. Okay so maybe it was jealousy but it wasn't over Brandon, it was
more that level of carefree she seemed to breeze through life with. She was
never manic, always seemed relaxed and put together in a way that I rarely
felt. She also never seemed broken, which I often felt like, even if no one
yelled at me about how awful I was.
"So, did you have fun?" I asked, my stomach churning.
"Yeah it was okay. I don't really want to talk about it actually, I'm kind of
hung over." And with that we ended the conversation.
Something didn't seem to sit well but instead of asking I got up and went to my
room as soon as I heard someone open the living room door, leaving us no longer
alone.
***** Make ups not Break ups *****
The guilt had been eating at me for weeks now. I hadn't told Callie what
happened that drunken night and I could swear it was beginning to give me an
ulcer. I had started to avoid Callie around the house and at school. I was
avoiding her so much that Mariana had already asked me what happened between
Callie and I that I seemed to upset with her.
Callie would sneak into my room at night and the first night when she climbed
on top of me while I was reading Pride and Prejudice for class, kissing my
neck, peeling off my shirt and kissing a trail down my stomach I couldn't say
no. Her big brown eyes looked up at me as she began unbuttoning my pants and I
just couldn't stop myself. I had rolled on top of her and almost ripped her
tiny shorts off of her as I moved my way down her body, kissing the inside of
her thighs. All of that shame that I had pushed aside had me grabbing her hips
as I slipped into her from behind, I was going to let it go because this felt
right, the feeling of her tight and wet around my cock was what I wanted.
The next night when I heard her footsteps coming down the hall I couldn't
stomach it so I pretended to be asleep when she came into my room. She walked
right up to me, whispered I love you as she kissed my forehead and turned off
my reading light. It made me feel like the biggest ass on the planet.
By the sixth time that I had tried this she "woke me up" by kissing me. When I
refused to "wake up" she got upset and walked out of the room crying. No matter
how I seemed to deal with this situation I felt like a huge asshole.
After that I started locking my door when I quickly ran upstairs after dinner.
So when she cornered me in the music room after about six weeks of giving her
the run around I knew I had to come clean.
"Okay Brandon what the fuck is your problem!?" She walked right up to me and
pushed me.
"Wha--?" I said rubbing at my chest, her tiny hands caught me off guard.
"You play me so damn hot and cold! You say you want me, say we are fine and
then lock me out of your room Brandon!" Her hands were balled into fists.
I sighed and ran my hands into my pockets. "Callie sit down please?"
"No! If you're going to break up with me do it now! You've been stringing me
along for over a month now Brandon."
"I'm not breaking up with you, you might want to reconsider this though."
Her eyes became glossy and her anger dissipated quickly.
"Okay so... You know how after Sophia... umm..."
"Got depressed and tried to kill herself?" She said blankly, her eyes were the
only thing that were giving her away.
"Yeah, well we got into that big fight and you didn't want to be together
anymore and well I went out that night."
"Yeah I know you went out with Mariana and Mat right?" Those big brown eyes
accusing me of exactly what I did.
"Well, Lou was there, and we got really drunk and we kind of had sex in the
car." I stared at her silently for some sort of reaction to happen, one that
never did.
"... Callie say something please." I began stepping closer to her.
"I... I can't can I? I mean we weren't together..." Her eyes were watering over
despite her.
"I didn't mean to Callie, I was drunk and angry that you pushed me away again
and I don't know it just happened." I grabbed her hand in mine.
"... I mean... I need some time to... I don't know... get over this?" She
laughed away her tears, "I just need a while yeah?"
"... Yeah..." And just like that she turned around and walked out of the
classroom slowly.
 
When I got home, feeling like scum, yet again, the entire house was empty.
Mariana was off with Mat again, Jesus was off wresting someone somewhere, Jude
was with Conner -as per usual- and moms were having a night out after work.
Everyone had somewhere and someone to be with but me because I had fucked it
up.
I walked up the stairs and into my room and sat down at my keyboard for a bit.
No one was home, I'd play for a bit without head phones on, and just de-stress
with the cold keys feeling smooth beneath my hands.
Before I knew it I heard someone clear their throat at my door. When I turned
around to see who it was Callie stood there, my door locking beneath her hand.
A soft white robe on her, leaving only a small amount to the imagination.
"No ones home." She smiled. "That means I can be as loud as I want."
She walked over to me opening the robe to reveal a whole lot of nothing under
it.
"But you were upset with me earlier, I fucked things up Callie." I said,
feeling every inch of my body protest to my words.
"Well I thought about it, you don't hold Wyatt against me, and we were on a
break, so you are entitled to your... mistake?" She smiled as she stood in
front of me with her robe open, her breasts right at eye level with me sitting
in my chair.
"Are you sure?" I felt my throat going dry while I used all restraint I had to
not throw her down on my floor and touch her, make her moan softly at my every
touch.
"Positive" she said grabbing my hand and pulling it around her waist.
I pulled her close to me, she sat on my lap, legs spread and tightening around
my waist as I put her nipple in my mouth and tossed off her robe with my free
hand that wasn't around her waist. She moaned as her hands tugged on my hair
softly. I put my hands under her ass for support and stood up walking her to my
bed. I slid a finger into her and watched her as her hand extended upwards
grabbing a chunk of my blanket in her small fist. I watched her as I slid my
fingers in and out of her, she began moving her body in time with my hand,
making me go deeper inside of her. When I felt her begin to tighten around my
fingers I moved myself down to her clit, first just gently pressing the tip of
my tongue against it. She moaned harder and moved her hips, I slid one hand
under her ass to grab it while I teased her. She grabbed my hair and pushed me
down softly, leading my tongue to the spot that felt best to her. I moved my
tongue around in circles and then stuck my two fingers inside of her again. I
pushed them in and out of her a couple of times before I felt her cum around my
fingers, her muscles tensing and then releasing repeatedly.
She smiled and grabbed a condom from my drawer. "You're turn."
I undressed quickly, put the condom on and slid inside of her. She was wet down
her thighs. "Harder." She began to moan after I slid into her. I went as hard
and as fast as I could before I finished and collapsed next to her, sweat
dripping down my face.
"How was that?" She laughed nervously.
"That was perfect, you were perfect." I smiled, winded and feeling finally
satisfied after weeks of guilt.
"HEY IS ANYONE HOME!?" We heard Jude yell out from downstairs.
"SHIT!" Callie hissed at me as she got up quickly, grabbed her robe and walked
into the bathroom.
I laid there on my bed for a second, feeling relieved that everything was still
okay, that we had made it past that hump -no pun intended.
"I'M TAKING A SHOWER JUDE!" Callie called from the bathroom.
"Okay" I heard him say from the stairs and let out a sigh, that was close. If
Jude knew he'd never forgive either of us. Not again.
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