Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/12039168.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M, Multi
  Fandom:
      Naruto
  Relationship:
      Orochimaru/Tsunade_(Naruto), Mitarashi_Anko/Orochimaru, Kimimaro/
      Orochimaru_(Naruto)
  Character:
      Orochimaru_(Naruto), Tsunade_(Naruto), Mitarashi_Anko, Sarutobi_Hiruzen,
      Uchiha_Itachi, Kimimaro_(Naruto)
  Additional Tags:
      Angst_and_Tragedy, Unconscious_Sex, Teacher-Student_Relationship, Oral
      Sex, Bisexual_Male_Character, Rape/Non-con_Elements, Blood_and_Gore,
      Possessive_Sex, Age_Difference, Cunnilingus, Crying, Fights, Break_Up,
      Grief/Mourning, Possessive_Behavior, Vomiting, Loss_of_Parent(s)
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-09-09 Chapters: 3/? Words: 7518
****** Orochimaru's Worst Memories ******
by JigokuDayu
Summary
     Orochimaru is not an evil, heartless monster. He's only hardened
     himself against the pain of everything he's been through.
***** Memory I *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
1.
There was something shiny within the fallen leaves where his errant shuriken
had landed. He recognized it after a moment. It was the same snake he'd seen
only the day before. The creature's scales were ghostly white. It stood out in
Orochimaru's mind as matching his own skin colour and that of his mother's.
"Mother," he thought, "when will you and Father return from your mission? It's
been so long since you left."
This peaceful spot in the woods was where he always came to practise throwing
shuriken. Perhaps the pale serpent enjoyed the stillness of the area as much as
he did. The thing was quite still, itself. Orochimaru knelt down to pick up his
fallen weapon and have a closer look.
It was then he could see that the snake was dead. The eyes were glazed over and
there was a gash in its belly. He jumped back, shuddering.
"I saw it slithering up the tree only yesterday. Right before that man showed
up with pictures of Mother and Father. Could that stranger have killed this
poor snake?" Orochimaru suddenly felt sick to his stomach. He started running
away as fast as he could, not wanting to spend another second alone in the
forest. The silence had become eerie and oppressive. All the peacefulness had
been shattered.
Orochimaru headed straight for home. It was just as well for it was getting
dark. The old woman who lived down the road would be around to check on him
once the sun had set. His parents had arranged for her to do so whenever they
were gone on one of their missions.
Once inside, he was perplexed find that the lamp he had left on was now turned
off. Had the bulb burnt out? The shadows heightened his fear. He groped about
for the switch, but couldn't find it. His chest grew tight.
In the dim light, he could make out two human shapes lying on the tatami mat.
Orochimaru stooped over to inspect them. They were his parents. The strange
sight made his skin crawl. He couldn't understand it. Why would they be back
and sleeping there instead of in their bed?
His mother's gray kimono had black markings that weren't normally there. He
reached out to touch one of the spots and discovered it was wet. Orochimaru
held his hand up to the faint light seeping in from the window. The liquid on
his fingertips was not black. It was red. "Mother, are you are hurt?"
His little voice was trembling. He seized her shoulders and attempted to shake
her back into consciousness. As he pulled her up, something fell and landed on
the tatami with a soft thud. His mother's head rolled a few inches and came to
rest against his knee. Her eyes were glassy, just like the snakes'.
They were both dead. Orochimaru started screaming so loudly that he felt like
he would soon burst his own eardrums. He crawled back outside as fast as he
could. Vomit came up his throat like a crashing wave, stifling his shrieks of
horror and splattering on the ground before him.
When it was finally all out, he noticed that a scroll had been tossed on the
porch. It was addressed to the Leaf Village. His hands could barely stop
shaking long enough to open it. The message inside made him want to scream
again, only now his voice had disappeared.
"Your two shinobi were such pitiful and idiotic spies, we thought dissecting
them for secrets would surely turn up nothing. Their equally stupid son blew
their cover, identifying them for us. Is this the best the Leaf Village has to
offer? It seems that the Hokage is looking to start a war he has no chance of
winning. Consider this a warning."
He sat there crying and shivering. The residue of bile stung his lips. It was
all his fault. The stranger he had met showed him photographs, asking if he
knew the people in them. Orochimaru had explained that they were his parents,
currently away on a mission in another land. "How could I have done that? How
could I be so stupid? Mother, Father, I killed you!"
His screams must have attracted attention, as a crowd began to form. It
included the old woman from down the road, as well as several members of ANBU.
He knew about them. His mother had told him they were special shinobi who dealt
with the most dangerous situations. One was wearing a mask shaped like a bird's
face. She picked up the scroll and read it, then ordered the other ANBU members
to search the house. One quickly returned, saying they had found two bodies.
Any hope that this was all just a nightmare was crushed. Orochimaru could feel
accusing eyes bearing down on him. They were asking him all sorts of questions,
but he couldn't answer. He was too afraid, too swamped with guilt. The world
was collapsing in on him. He wasn't sure if he would ever speak again.
Chapter End Notes
     I've always felt I rushed this chapter, but I don't want to change
     it. At the time I wrote it, I was feeling very pressured by external
     influences. Now I just think of it as Orochimaru's recollection being
     hazy because he was so young and traumatised at the time.
***** Memories II and III *****
Chapter Notes
     It's all about Tsunade...
See the end of the chapter for more notes
2.
 
Tsunade arrived half an hour late. It was a bit out of the ordinary for her,
but then they usually met up at her place. Perhaps she had merely forgotten how
long it would take to walk to his flat and didn't allow herself enough time.
Orochimaru deemed it forgivable under the circumstances.
After opening the door, he gestured toward the table in the middle of his
sitting room. "I made some tea. It may have gone bitter as I had to reheat it
while I was waiting."
As she entered the flat, she kept her arms folded in front of her. "Oh, sorry
about that. One of my patients delayed me," she replied stoically. She poured
herself a cup of tea and took one sip, then sat it back down. "It's fine. Not
too bitter." Tsunade stayed on her feet. "I guess we should talk... Now that we
have some privacy, that is. I've been so busy at the hospital and—"
Before Tsunade could finish, he tilted her chin up with his hand and moved in
to kiss her. For some reason, she didn't kiss back. Orochimaru trailed a finger
down her throat to try to entice her as he often would. The path down to her
breastbone was strangely unobstructed.
"Where is your necklace?" he asked, pulling back from the kiss to examine her.
"I gave it to someone," she murmured. Her cheeks turned the slightest shade of
pink.
It was one thing to give a precious family heirloom to her little brother, but
who else could possibly be worthy? A nagging suspicion grew in the pit of his
stomach, spreading upwards and causing his shoulders to tighten.
Orochimaru narrowed his eyes. "Who?" She was closer to him than anyone else and
had never so much as suggested letting him have it. Something strange had to be
going on.
Tsunade looked down and sighed. She chewed on her lower lip for a second before
answering, "Dan."
Him. That high-minded optimist. Orochimaru couldn't understand what she saw in
Dan, other than how the fool followed her around like a lost puppy. It really
was pathetic. Why on earth did it impress her? Of course, Tsunade was so
different lately. It was hard to know what exactly she was thinking.
It proved almost impossible to shake off the anger and hatred he felt towards
Dan, but Orochimaru remained placid in front of Tsunade. He reached out and
gently brushed his fingers over her hair. "Ever since your brother died, you've
treated me differently. Do you blame me for what happened to Nawaki?"
"No, I know it wasn't your fault," she sighed. Her brow contorted in anguish.
"Then what is it?" he asked, fighting to keep his tone soft. Her answer had
given him a small shred of relief, yet at the same time made him pause. If
Nawaki wasn't the reason for this rift between them, what was? Certainly it
wasn't that Dan held that kind of power over women. The dolt was ugly and his
talent as a shinobi was nothing special.
Recoiling from him, she balled her hands into fists. Tsunade flashed one of her
trademark angry glares. "I don't like what you've become. It's as if part of
you has been... Warped."
Such abrupt mood swings from her were nothing new, but rarely was he the target
of them. Orochimaru folded his arms over his chest. His lips curled into an
irate sneer. "Well then, I suppose that just makes you shallow. You can't
accept all of me."
"Dan has a great dream to become Hokage." She looked up toward the ceiling with
misty eyes. The corners of her mouth arched into a proud smile.
It was sickening to witness such childish adulation for so unworthy a man on
Tsunade's part. Orochimaru always reserved a certain amount of pride when he
was the subject of her praise, but Dan? This betrayal was intolerable. That
weakling didn't merit a second glance, certainly not when she was supposed to
be his.
"What about my dreams?" He was gnashing his teeth in rage. Was his own dream of
being Hokage somehow less important? "I suppose the two of you couldn't help
yourselves and were overcome by the romantic atmosphere in the cemetery. Did he
kiss you at your brother's grave? Does he touch you the way I do?" Orochimaru
yanked her closer by the arms.
She pried his hands off of her. "No! Dan's a perfect gentleman, which is more
than I can say for you, right now. Why don't you get your mind out of the
gutter? You sound like Jiraiya," she spat.
"At least Jiraiya wouldn't be won over by some sob-story. He'd never start a
relationship based on feeling sorry for each other," he growled. "We are
supposed to be shinobi. We must focus on our goals, not wallow in memories of
the past."
"You think there was ever anything more between us other than my pity for you?"
she shouted. Bubbling anger reddened her face as she glowered at him.
He grabbed her by the throat and squeezed. "If I didn't know that was an
outright lie, I would snap this pretty, little neck of yours in two."
Orochimaru then pushed her away.
Tsunade didn't bother to argue the point. They both knew it was a pretense. She
had loved Orochimaru, for a time. "How can you be so unfeeling? I would have
thought you'd be more sympathetic, having lost your parents." Her voice was
fraught with emotion and slightly hoarse from being choked.
Orochimaru closed his eyes. "It's because of that. I've learned to shut off
those feelings so that I can get on with my life. The pain was too unbearable,"
he groaned. His eyelids snapped open once more. "Mourning isn't going to bring
them back."
"You lie. You never cared about anything other than power," she said through
gritted teeth. Her shoulders stiffened.
"Power is necessary for love. If I had been more powerful, I might have been
able to do something to save my parents," he said. Regret and frustration were
etched in creases on his face. "Even as an adult, I was too weak to prevent
Nawaki's death. Now you despise me. So be it. Self-pity won't bring me any
closer to my goals. When I discover the secret to immortality, no one need ever
mourn again. Your brother's death reminded me of how important my dream is. If
I have to kill to make it real, I will."
She shuddered and hung her head down. "Would you kill me?" Her tone was frail,
almost sad.
Maybe part of her still cared for him. The thought stirred something deep
within his chest. With his left hand, he slowly brushed his knuckles against
her cheek. "You're the one I most want to protect with such powers." He'd never
admitted that before, not even to himself. The realisation shocked him.
Steadying himself, he continued. "A ninja is only an agent of death. And a
ninja village is but a war machine. All of our lives are worthless. The second
we take on a mission, our futures are up for grabs. If I could overcome death
and weakness, I could end war. I could end suffering. There would no longer be
a need for people who exist only to perpetuate death. People could live for
themselves. Such a goal would be worth any price."
Daring to look up again, she gaped at him. Her reaction was difficult to gauge.
Was it terror or awe that had rendered her speechless?
The confusion ate at him. He grabbed her by the chin. His eyes bore into hers.
"Tell me you love me! Say it!" Orochimaru had to hear those words from her
lips. After everything he'd said, he needed to be adored by her in order to
feel strong again and to justify his own admissions.
There was a glimmer in her eyes that suggested she was holding back tears.
"It's not as if you've ever said you loved me."
Orochimaru flinched. Letting go of her, he turned away. "You know I don't like
to say that word."
"Why are you like this?" It didn't sound like she was crying, but she hadn't
resumed yelling at him, either. Her words seemed numb and jaded.
"I have had to kill my heart." He continued to avoid Tsunade's gaze as if doing
so would give her an opening for attack. Being vulnerable like this made the
bile rise in his throat.
"How can you expect me to love someone with a dead heart? That's obviously why
you can't say it to me, being so dead inside! I used to think you were merely
afraid to admit your feelings, but now—"
"Now what?" he shouted, turning back to look at her. His eyes were bulging with
rage. Her words only served to provoke him further.
There were no tears in her eyes. All he could make out from her expression was
burning hatred. "Now I see that you're incapable of love," Tsunade replied in
an icy murmur. "I'd rather have a man who is, even if he is a sentimental
fool."
"I'm incapable? That's rich coming from a woman who claims to have only ever
pitied me!" He picked up his teacup from the table and threw it against the
door. It shattered into dozens of miniscule pieces. Drops of the liquid seeped
down the panel.
Orochimaru then seized her by the shoulders, squeezing her like a vise. "Enough
of your impudence. You belong to me!"
She shoved him away with her terrifying strength, knocking him several feet
back. Without another word, only a ferocious glare, Tsunade stomped out. The
front door slammed shut behind her.
Still fuming, Orochimaru punched a hole through the wall. A cloud of dust
wafted about as he removed his fist. He was on the verge of punching the wall
again when he caught himself.
It wasn't so much that he was mad at Tsunade. He was certainly furious with
her, but much more with himself. Orochimaru was angry that he had let himself
get hurt. He should have known better. After all, what had he just told her?
That insolent heart of his was still clinging to life, making him weak. His
heart was the reason Tsunade was able tear him apart like that. He needed to
focus his wrath on it instead of his home and possessions. If he could destroy
it once and for all, the awful feeling inside of him would be gone and he
wouldn't be so powerless. Orochimaru curled his fingers into the shape of
talons as he silently scolded himself. Kill your heart! Slaughter it. Crush it
until there's nothing left.
 
3.
 
He was waiting in the darkness of her flat when she returned from leaving
flowers at Dan's grave. Sitting on her couch, he had worked out what he
intended to say to Tsunade.
Orochimaru hadn't been pining over her. That kind of sentimentality was beneath
him. Rather, he was disappointed that she had not come to him. The desire to
comfort her got the better of him. He'd never particularly cared for Dan, to
say the least, but it stung him to know that Tsunade was hurting. Perhaps she
had simply been waiting for him to rescue her. If that were the case, he'd be
able to prove to her that she should've stayed with him in the first place.
Tsunade didn't see him until she turned the light on. For a split second, her
eyes, damp and red from crying, went wide with shock. "What are you doing
here?" she asked in a nearly inaudible tone. The First Hokage's necklace was
back around her throat.
How heavily it must weigh on her, he thought. Tsunade had bestowed the accursed
gem upon the two people she loved most and both of them met violent, premature
ends. Dan had died right before her very eyes. Despite her legendary healing
talent, she was helpless to save him. She must blame herself. Now she truly
understands how I've felt all these years, having caused my parents' deaths.
She looked pale and gaunt. Dan's death had left her a mere shell of her former
self. Even her prowess as a medic-nin was gone. The debilitating fear of blood
she had acquired as a result rendered her useless on the battlefield. Her acute
vulnerability made it easier for him to face her this way. It made them even
for her choosing Dan over him.
"I hate to see you looking so sad," he whispered as he rose from his seat. He
put his arms around her and gazed deeply into her eyes. Soon, he started
kissing her neck. Orochimaru began with little pecks, working his way up to
deeper, more languid kisses. It had been such a long time and she felt so good,
he couldn't stop himself.
Tsunade was passive at first. She didn't kiss back, but she wasn't resisting
him, either. After about a minute, her resolve cracked and she proceeded to
return his kisses. Her tear-streaked face met his, grateful for the warmth and
tenderness he was providing. It was almost like old times. Her arms wrapped
around him in a needy embrace. All the loneliness gave way to wanting.
They were starting to get hot and heavy, hands wandering over each other. She
was necking him a bit, then whimpering when he slipped his tongue inside her
mouth.
Without warning, she pulled away. "No, I can't do this!" A sob escaped her lips
as she shook her head. She quickly hid her mouth behind her hands. Whether it
was to conceal her sobbing or to block further kissing was not apparent.
"Do you want me to say I love you now? Is that what you want?" Orochimaru asked
in his softest voice. He gently drew her back to him and stroked her shoulders.
"No, you're cold and cruel. Your heart is pure stone," she wheezed, shaking her
head. Tsunade had stopped sobbing. She wiped the tears from her face with her
hands.
"You loved me once. Or was that a lie? Remember all the times I climbed in
through your window and we made love in your bed? Did you think I was cold
then?" Orochimaru tugged her closer to him, so that her glorious breasts were
against his torso.
He'd definitely missed those. It was driving him mad. Why did she have to be so
stubborn? If she would just give in, he could make her forget all about that
pitiful Dan.
She wriggled out of his grasp once more. "I was an impetuous teenager. We were
both more innocent back then. I've seen how dark you've turned." Her inflection
was spiteful and bitter. The fire was back in her eyes.
Orochimaru's body went rigid. He glared at her and hissed. "Well, perhaps you
will change, too, for now you know how it feels to be responsible for the
deaths of two loved ones." With that, he stormed out. His footsteps echoed with
angry thuds.
After he'd gone out of his way to make everything better, Tsunade had the nerve
to insult him like that. Why did she have to be so stupid and obstinate? He
offered to say he loved her and she still thought he was some sort of unfeeling
monster. Orochimaru sincerely hoped his last words to her would be prophetic.
Her heart may well have turned cold already, for her to scorn him yet again.
That was it. He'd had it with her. Orochimaru swore then that he would never
open himself up to her again. It had been a mistake to even try consoling her.
Tsunade deserved having her life in shambles. She could rot for all he cared.
She was of no use to him now and he hated her.
Chapter End Notes
     If you're wondering why I avoid having him refer to her as 'Hime,' I
     see that as a nicety he would use only in public. In private,
     Orochimaru feels the need to show his dominance. Also, I just see him
     as loath to admit someone else could be superior to him in any way,
     shape, or form. For all the interactions of theirs I've written, he's
     either going for overwhelmingly seductive or just plain vicious. I
     mean, he would like to think of her as his princess, on the condition
     that he becomes Hokage, or failing that, a god.
     Also, I'd say that Jiraiya is his best friend and he cares for him
     deeply, but he'd never admit that. Not in a million years! Orochimaru
     doesn't even realise it, himself.
***** Memories IV and V *****
Chapter Summary
     It's Anko's turn to shine within his darkness. And slip through his
     fingers.
Chapter Notes
     It gets pretty non-con towards the end!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
4.
 
"I have decided that my successor as Hokage shall be," Sarutobi paused,
ostensibly to exhale a puff of smoke from his pipe. "Namikaze Minato."
The officiating hall was filled with gasps and murmurs of disbelief.
"But he's so young!"
"I was sure Orochimaru would be chosen."
Orochimaru blinked slowly. He could feel his body stiffen from the shock. It
didn't seem real to him. Sarutobi had always favoured him. Why was the old man
suddenly passing him over for his team-mate's student?
How could this have happened? His sensei had pretty much groomed him to be his
heir since the academy. All the pride Orochimaru had been feeling just moments
before dissolved. The sting of humiliation replaced it. His entrails seized up
in an icy knot. Resisting the urge to put his hands to his stomach took a great
deal out of him.
Minato stepped forward and bowed to Sarutobi. As he did, people gradually began
to clap and congratulate him.
"I might have had an inkling. He does have a great teacher, after all!" Jiraiya
let out a piercing laugh after his boast. With an incline of his head,
he flashed everyone a smug grin.
A young girl's voice suddenly rang out, causing the crowd to fall silent.
"That's not fair... My sensei deserves to be Hokage!" It was Anko. She was
shaking her little fists.
Jiraiya dropped the arrogant smirk. "Hey girlie, show some respect! Orochimaru,
control your student." He turned to his team-mate and shot him a nasty glare.
Those words snapped Orochimaru out of his stupefaction and challenged him to
revert to his usual, impassive self. "I can reprimand her on my own, if I so
choose. Just because your student is now Hokage doesn't mean you can tell me
how to raise Anko," Orochimaru spat back in a lowered voice. He was trying his
best to keep his composure and avoid making a scene. "Let's go, Anko-chan." He
grabbed the girl by the arm and dragged her out.
Once they were outside, he let Anko go. Orochimaru put his hand over his eyes
and groaned. After taking in a laboured breath, he began rubbing his temples.
"Am I in trouble?" she asked in a glum murmur. Anko was hunched over and looked
to be on the verge of tears. Her jaw quivered as she averted her gaze from his.
"No, you're not in trouble," he replied gently. Orochimaru smoothed out her
sleeve where he had taken hold of her and combed his fingers through her bangs.
"In fact, I'm going give you a special treat later. All the dango you can eat,
how does that sound?"
"Yeah!" Anko flung her arms around his waist. She looked up at him, her mouth
stretched into an impish grin. A second later, her expression changed once
more. Now it was a nonplused squint, though she didn't let go of him. "Huh?
Wait, but why?"
He smiled at her. "Because you gave me the perfect excuse to get out of there.
Sitting through that fool's accolades is the last thing I want to do right now.
I wouldn't have been able to hold my tongue much longer. For that, you are to
be well rewarded. Later, though, if you don't mind. I'd like to go for a walk
to clear my head first."
They walked silently through the village for some time. Orochimaru had his
hands in his pockets, whilst Anko's were both clinging to his left wrist.
Finally, they came upon the entrance to the cemetery. "You should go pay homage
to your ancestors, my dear. I'll be over here when you're done," he said.
"Yes, Orochimaru-sensei." She appeared to be slightly worried as she walked off
to her parents' plot, but she didn't say anything more to him.
Once she was out of sight, he walked over to his own parents' graves.
Orochimaru wanted more than ever to talk to them about what had happened; yet
at the same time, he dreaded it. He could picture their disappointment in him.
This day had been a slap in his face.
Mother, Father, how can I tell you that I've failed? In his mind's eye, he saw
the blank, stilled eyes of his mother's severed head yet again. After all these
years, it still haunted him.
Being Hokage meant everything. Once he had achieved that, he could resurrect
his parents and no one would be able to question the morality of it. Now it was
as if his parents were dying all over again, because he could not bring them
back. They would only be ashamed. He needed to be Hokage to make up for causing
their deaths. And now he was so angry with Sarutobi, Konoha meant nothing to
him anymore. He despised it.
Why did Sarutobi betray him? He thought the old man cared about him. Sarutobi
had been like a second father to him growing up. Orochimaru had gone several
months or longer not speaking after his parents died. He would just sit numbly
by their graves. It was there on that exact spot where, after a great deal of
coaxing, Sarutobi had managed to get him to say something. Orochimaru admitted
to the man his fear of causing more deaths by speaking.
Now it began to sink in. That duplicitous bastard had played him for a fool
this whole time. Sarutobi was keeping him weak, keeping him in check. The rage
permeated the fluid in Orochimaru's veins. He'd make that pitiful, old man pay
for it. He'd show Sarutobi what it was like to be betrayed, and what it felt
like to be caught in the dead glare of a fallen loved one's eyes.
When water remains still, it becomes stagnant and fetid. Only when it is in
motion is water drinkable; a source of life. I must find a way to stir things
up, to adapt. A scheme began to formulate in his head. His new goal would be to
avenge himself on Konoha by razing it completely. And killing Sarutobi. The
village would pay heavily for what it had done to him.
He cleared his throat. "Yes, Anko-chan?" Orochimaru didn't need visual
confirmation to know that she had re-joined him. Her chakra was easy to sense
as she gingerly came up behind him.
"Orochimaru-sensei, it hurts me to know you feel bad. I wish I could cheer you
up." Her voice was soft and melancholic.
Orochimaru turned around to look at her. "What makes you think I need cheering
up, my dear?"
"You only visit your parents' graves when something upsets you."
He gave her a weak smile. "You always were a clever girl, my Anko-chan. Yes, I
suppose you've found me out. Hmm, let's keep it a secret, shall we? You're the
only one I trust knowing that."
His strength began to return to him, soothing his nerves. "Ambition is the most
important thing in life." He knelt down and stroked her cheek. "The day will
come when I will ask of you things that seem most unreasonable. Promise me you
won't back down."
Her dewy eyes blinked slowly several times as they locked with his. "I
promise," she whispered, breathlessly.
"Remember this. You're the only one left who's special to me. If you betray my
trust, I would be much more upset than I am now." He was still caressing her
cheek, fascinated by how hot her face was getting. The girl blushed so easily.
It was rather charming.
"I'd rather die than do that to you. You're my whole life!" She threw her arms
around him, burying her face in his neck.
Orochimaru pulled back to place his hands on either side of her face. Leaning
in once more, he stared at her for a moment before pressing his lips to her
forehead in a lingering kiss. Then he held her fast. She almost made up for
this crushing disappointment he was suffering. Almost.
 
5.
 
"Come with me," he said, crouched down in front of Anko. He proffered a hand
for her to take.
She merely sat there, staring blankly at him for what seemed to be aeons.
The hesitation was not a good sign. It filled him with doubt, something
Orochimaru found exceedingly uncomfortable. The choice should be obvious, he
thought. Don't be stupid, Anko!
Her gaze abruptly shifted off to the side.
He knew immediately that she was refusing him. The shock was cold and
sickening. It felt as if his abdomen had been slit open and his intestines were
splattering out onto the floor. Don't show weakness. Don't give her power over
you. Let your blood be ice as far as she's concerned.
Calmly, Orochimaru got to his feet. "So be it. I'll find a more excellent
child," he said with as much nonchalance as he could muster. Lying wasn't
something he enjoyed, but sometimes it was the safest way to handle a volatile
situation.
He took one last, brief glance at her before exiting the room. More than
anything, he needed to be alone. Orochimaru started toward his private
quarters. There, he would be able to vent.
Amachi followed, locking the door to Anko's cell behind them. "Orochimaru-sama,
I think the experiments are still worth your time."
"Leave me," he replied, forcing his voice to maintain quiet impassivity.
His underling was not dissuaded. "But you shouldn't give up on our work up just
yet." Amachi's effrontery knew no bounds.
His resolve cracked. He didn't have time for such impertinence. "Leave me
before I cut off your head!" Orochimaru screamed as he slammed the door in the
man's face.
Anko, you promised you wouldn't betray me, that you wouldn't leave me. You were
the last person I still held precious.
There had been a profound connection between them since the night he first saw
her. She was but a small child, sobbing violently upon her parents' fresh
graves. Anko had screamed at the ninja who'd tried to talk her down, insisting
she'd rather die than grieve another loss. He had been the same age when he was
orphaned, had felt the same pain. Knowing what it was doing to her, he'd
gravitated toward Anko, making her his disciple and companion.
He had seen something in her early on. It was a mixture of natural talent and
an overwhelming desire to please him. She would work her fingers to the bone to
gain his praise. Having him as her master was only fitting. Being the top
shinobi of the Leaf, he could teach her better than anyone else so that she
could live up to her full potential. Anko flourished under his tutelage.
It wasn't long before she began to see him as something more than her master.
Her adoring eyes and bashful smiles were evidence of a youthful crush. After
the first few years, it gave way to utter devotion and a longing for a future
together as she strove to prove herself to him.
As she reached puberty, her worship was ready to become physical. Anko's
ripening was palpable. He could smell her arousal whenever they were close
enough to touch.
That was what he wanted, to teach her to be his concubine. Once he was truly
immortal, he'd be the only one she could trust never to leave her. She'd see
that no other man was worthy of having her and remain entirely his, forever,
the way Tsunade should have. Yet he refused to let all her heavy breathing and
fleeting glances get the better of him. He waited until she convinced him she
was ready for it. In the months since, he had worked to master her body, as
well as train her to please him.
She had become distant ever since he showed her his experiments. He had hoped
for the reverse, that she would be the one to understand. Part of him thought
giving her the curse mark would be for the best. Either he'd have more control
over her or she'd die and that would end things. He'd gotten too attached, was
getting too distracted from his work. Something had to change. It was time for
them both to shed their skins.
He'd had faith in her ability to survive. Anko was always one to rise to a
challenge. It usually took time, but she never fell short of his expectations.
The one thing he hadn't considered was that she might vacillate in her
obedience.
How could she refuse me? Didn't I take her in when she had no one else? Didn't
I protect her and show her affection? I cared for her and she rejects me like
this!
Giving her the curse mark was not a decision he made lightly. It took weeks for
him to conclude that it was something that had to be done. Orochimaru left her
locked in a cell after performing it, as he couldn't bear watching what might
well be her death. He had hoped she'd kill Amachi when they checked on her.
That would signal that the curse seal had worked, as well as get that fool out
of his hair.
You promised me, Anko!
He was moulding her to be the perfect woman, better than Tsunade. That would've
shown her, for this young girl he had found to surpass the greatest kunoichi of
the Leaf Village. Anko had the potential. She could have been perfect. And all
his.
The fact the seal didn't work had been a bit of a relief. He admired her
willfulness, till it went against him. She had always looked at him with such
adoration before. It made him feel so strong and powerful. When her expression
turned to disgust, he felt small, crippled. He had hoped she would accept him
completely - see how evil he was and love him anyway. He wanted to hear her
say, take me with you.
Why does everyone leave me?
She was the only good thing left of him. The last vestige of his humanity was
his connection to her. Now she had severed that tie. Without her, there was
nothing to hold him back from his urges to destroy everything in his path. Why
should he care about creating an ideal world without war and death? Such dreams
no longer mattered when there was no one there to inspire them. All he wanted
now was to dull the pain and forget he ever needed someone else.
I hate your revenge on me, Anko. You said you loved me. Was that a lie? Could
you not see my feelings for you? You were the only one I let get that close.
It felt like she was stabbing him repeatedly and slashing up his torso. He
still couldn't say the words, but as he had walked away from her, he realised
how deeply he loved her. And that was his weakness.
He loved her more than he had loved Tsunade and now Anko was hurting him worse
than Tsunade had. Yet he wasn't mad at Anko in the same way. Tsunade had become
spiteful and cold; Anko had turned into a frightened child.
Perhaps it had been too soon, but he had been so anxious to share his great
work with his ingénue ever since he'd made her his lover. Seducing her had
backfired. She was making him long for her like a fool. His growing need for
her was shaking his grip on power.
It took him back to the loneliness of his childhood. Orochimaru couldn't let
anyone in again. He couldn't risk going through this hell again.
Now he realised it was a mistake not to turn her against the Leaf Village.
Perhaps he had wished to spare her of that hatred while she was still young or
thought it'd be natural in her. When he told her the Hokage knew about his
experiments, it was true. He'd already abandoned the village. Only he hid the
details from her. He should've said more. He rued the miscalculation.
He should've told her his feelings, how hurt his pride had been by the Leaf,
how much he needed her, but he was afraid of showing weakness. Now she had made
him weaker. Just as Tsunade had done to him. Sarutobi, as well. He'd been his
father figure, only to betray him by choosing Jiraiya's lackey to be Hokage.
Perhaps Anko just didn't know what she had done. Maybe she would miss him when
she found herself all alone again. Maybe he could sow the seeds that would make
her return to his arms. Part of him was still clinging to her, despite his
better judgement.
He began to devise a new plan. Her memory would have to be altered to prevent
the Leaf from obtaining any vital intelligence on him. While he took care of
that, he could also remove the memories of her defiance. If Anko were to think
that he'd merely thrown her away, she would be heartbroken. Though he did want
to punish her, he also hoped she'd still care about him and return one day. The
process would be almost like going back in time.
She was passed out from pain and exhaustion when he returned to her cell some
hours later. He picked Anko up and moved her to a nearby workroom, where he put
her down on a table.
As she lay there, Orochimaru leaned over her unconscious form. He didn't mind
speaking aloud, since she wouldn't be able to hear. "You were supposed to serve
me, worship me, make me stronger. Instead, you make me need you constantly. I
can't let you rob me of power! You should've known better. You wanted me to be
immortal as much as I do. What choice do you leave me with? You've forced me to
hurt you, Anko. I have to do this."
After a quick hand sign, he slammed his right palm to her forehead. This jutsu
would erase her memory of their location, as well their interaction following
his performing the curse seal. She couldn't be allowed to remember that she
left him. Anko had to think she was the one who had been abandoned.
Even now, the sight of her aroused him. He still wanted her, still ached for
her. "You stupid, stupid girl! It didn't have to be this way. You could've had
everything with me!"
In a strange way, the curse mark was like a marriage proposal. Or at least as
close as he'd ever get to one. Orochimaru had offered to make her permanently
and completely his, leaving the choice up to her. And regardless of her answer,
he'd made her part of him by linking their chakra together. It was a shackle
that could not be loosened.
"Go back to the Leaf Village, Anko. Feel the mistrust and revulsion they will
harbour for you. Perhaps then you will see how you've made me feel, repudiating
me like this." He brushed the palm of his hand gently against her cheek.
"That's right. Come crawling back to me, begging my forgiveness. You'll be mine
again."
It was getting to be too much pressure. He wanted to have her, yet at the same
time, wanted to hurt her. Before he could stop himself, he licked the swollen
curse seal on her neck.
She twitched and sputtered a bit, most likely from the pain. Anko was out of
it, but she could obviously still feel. Perhaps she'd wake up, ready to obey.
Either way, it made no difference. His mind was made up as to what he was about
to do. He was already rock hard. "Selfish me, I'm going to have you one last
time," he whispered against her throat. "What will it hurt? It'll be something
to remember you by, my sweet girl."
Gently, he pushed up her shirt and brassiere to caress her bosom. Her breasts
were soft and supple against the palms of his hands. He lowered his head to
suckle and nibble them. The way her nipples hardened in his mouth excited him
further.
His hands then travelled down over her stomach and seized the waistband of her
shorts. He removed them and dropped them on the floor before progressing to her
knickers. These he pulled down and left hanging around her right ankle. After a
brief second of hesitation, he moved in to lick her clit. He lingered there a
few minutes, not wanting to forget the way she tasted. Soon, he decided he was
too achingly hard and had to have her immediately. A few quick movements and
he'd taken his cock out of his trousers.
Orochimaru shoved himself inside her. There it was, that heat and constriction
he needed to feel. Her tight, little hole was welcoming him inside as if she
were awake and willing. "I can't believe this is the last time I'll have your
cunt. I won't let it be! I know you'll want it again. You want it right now,
don't you?" He moaned loudly. "Ay, cunt! Cunt!" His eyes rolled back in their
sockets.
Anko was groaning and whimpering and was also fairly wet as he pumped himself
into her. "Unconscious and yet still enjoying this... Hmm, am I that good or
are you just that much of an incorrigible tart, Anko-chan?" He asked, half-
expecting her to hear and understand him. "No, I'm sure it's both. Isn't it,
you delicious, little tart," he laughed, as he grew more brutal with his
thrusts.
She kept stirring and he was really starting to think she would come to and
reach for him. After a few seconds, she began mumbling. "Orochimaru-sama...
Orochimaru-sama..." It was enough to convince him she was still out of it. As
such, he saw no point making sure she got off and focused solely on his own
pleasure.
"You're still mine... You're never going to be free of me..." He was breathing
heavily as he sped up the movement of his hips. "I've put my mark on you...
Every time you look at it, you'll remember that you rightfully belong to your
sensei! Your body is my possession!" With those words, he lost control and came
inside her with a vicious growl.
His chest felt oddly tight as he pulled out of her. Orochimaru replaced his now
flaccid cock in his pants and straightened himself up. Then he set about
redressing Anko.
Orochimaru was careful about putting her clothes back on. He didn't want her
looking overly dishevelled when she was found. What he did with her was no one
else's business. For people to think he experimented on her was one thing, but
the ANBU and Sarutobi didn't need to know she had been his lover.
Just as he finished dressing her, Orochimaru felt something hot and wet on his
face. It couldn't have been semen, as that was all inside of her. He raised the
tip of his finger to his cheek to examine it. Only then did he realise he was
weeping. There were just a few tears, but they were enough to startle him. He
thought he had lost the ability to cry years ago. "Curse you! Curse you, Anko!"
he hissed. At least she wasn't awake to see him so weak. This was something he
couldn't let anyone know about. He was supposed to be stronger than this.
For the first time, he found himself envying Tsunade's ability to drink herself
numb. Maybe it was worth a try, if he could manage not to make it a habit. The
way it usually made him sick would likely insure future temperance. There was
one last thing to take care of before anything like that, though. He had to
have Anko dumped somewhere in the surrounding country before she regained
consciousness.
Orochimaru wiped his face and steadied his breathing, then opened the door. He
quickly summoned a few of his underlings. "Get her out of here," he told them.
Thankfully, his voice cooperated with his desire to appear unmoved. It came out
soft and devoid of emotion. "I don't want her dead. Do you hear me? Just away
from the base."
Chapter End Notes
     I know this was the darkest sex scene I've done, but it's what I felt
     would happen. His love for her turns cruel, but she's made him suffer
     like nothing else he's known.
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