Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/6883114.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      The_Last_of_Us
  Relationship:
      Ellie/Joel_(The_Last_of_Us)
  Character:
      Ellie_(The_Last_of_Us), Joel_(The_Last_of_Us), Original_Male_Character(s)
  Additional Tags:
      Suicide_Notes, Alternate_Universe_-_Canon_Divergence, Sexual_Content,
      Suicide_Attempt
  Series:
      Part 1 of No_Ellie
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-05-17 Completed: 2016-06-01 Chapters: 20/20 Words: 28061
****** One Way Out ******
by MyHusbyLooksLikeJoel_(Jackswife)
Summary
     When Joel wakes up as an exile, everything in his life seems to have
     gone to shit. He has a pistol and one bullet and is in a derelict
     town full of infected in his boxers. He knows his chances are low,
     and decides there's only one way out.
     Tells the story of what happens if Joel and Ellie listen to all of
     the tape in Colorado, starting from close to the end. Multi-Chapter
     fic, close to completed at 26k words. Expect twice weekly updates,
     Tuesdays and Fridays.
     Rape/Non-con is not graphic, as is the suicide and the chapters they
     feature in will be clearly labelled. Underage tag is for Ellie/Joel.
***** Exiled: Part One *****
When Joel woke up he was freezing, stiff, near-naked. He was bruised and his
head hurt like hell. His assailants had left him with a 9mm Colt Defender and a
single bullet, the message clear in this ruined and infested town. All in all
he’d had better days. He sat up, carefully with the wince of the hung-over and
half concussed. An inventory of his body confirmed that all body parts were
still present, and if not completely correct, at least most of the way there.
No serious wounds, only minor blood loss, and one very sore knuckle from the
only punch he had gotten in before they grabbed him. He had bruises round his
wrists and ankles from being restrained and on his ribs and chest from the
beating that he took afterwards.
With some trepidation he struggled to his feet, stumbled to the corner and
dropped his boxers to his knees so he could examine his dick and take a piss in
the bucket. Not even lightly damaged. He guessed he could thank Tommy for that.
Not that he’d ever be able to tell him. The last thing he remembered before the
descent of the rifle butt was a warning: “Never come back to Jackson; we shoot
exiles on sight”.
Joel’s heart ached worse than any of his wounds. Whenever he closed his eyes he
saw Ellie yanked from his arms, again and again. More than anything else, he
hoped she was OK. She’d lost so much in her life, suffered so much that the
last thing she needed was to be alone in the exact way she feared.
A quick check of his surroundings revealed Joel had his boxers, one pallet and
blanket, a white bucket (part-filled), one five gallon jug of water, the
pistol, and one steel door, unlocked but with a bar that he can shut himself in
with. The windows are shuttered over with the type of covers Joel remembered
from foreclosed housing before the infection. No infected would be bothering
him tonight. As the light began to fade, he realised there was no point to
heading out to hunt for supplies and moved to the pallet to make his
uncomfortable body as comfortable as possible. Joel sank down onto the tatty
mattress and wrapped himself in the thin green blanket. He hoped to avoid the
most uncomfortable of his recollections before sleep came.
Joel woke up, alone, in his exile cell. The view outside was limited, but it
looked safe enough to venture outside. On the doorstep was a box. It had a pair
of Joel’s jeans and an anonymous shirt all the people who guarded the wall in
Jackson wore. There was a hunting knife with a deer antler handle he thought he
recognised and some canned food- chilli and peaches. Two of his favourites. At
the bottom was a letter.
“Dear Joel, I can’t believe what I’m hearing about you. They’re saying Ellie’s
your daughter, which I’m sure ain’t true. They’re saying you’ve been fucking
her, have been for years. That you’ve lied all this time It don’t sound like
you to me. But maybe the brother I know died 20 or more years ago and some
monster lives in your body now. Either way, I’ll take care of Ellie. Monster or
not you were my brother and I owe you that much. Don’t expect I’ll ever see you
again. Take care, Tommy”
The letter explained a lot, filled in a few blanks Joel had. Like why he’d been
grabbed from the pretty little home he shared with the only person he had cared
about in years, the only woman he’d ever felt like he could spend the rest of
his life with. And the beating, the sore head, hell, the whole damned thing.
Joel dragged the box inside, put on the clothes, pocketed the knife and opened
the chili. After he ate he went back outside. The house he was currently
calling “home” was on a short street of similar properties. The back of his had
collapsed, leaving only the room he was using, but the rest looked fairly
intact. The windows were still glazed and the doors closed which meant they
could have useful supplies. While he searched, methodically and without a great
deal of thought he needled himself with the word Tommy had used.
“Monster.” That’s what people thought he was. A pervert, screwing his own
daughter for some sick reason. The thought of touching Sarah the way that he
touched Ellie made him feel so nauseated he has to pause in his search to calm
himself for fear of losing precious calories. He’d never touch a child that way
either. Ellie grew up faster than kids before the infection started, but he had
still waited for her to be sure before he touched her. True, they’d shared
kisses before then and he would admit to an uneasy attraction for the girl, but
he’d waited. Nothing they’d ever done had been something she didn’t want
either. He’d only acted on his attraction for her in the first place because
she begged him for a kiss like a lover to erase the lips of a man who had
wanted to defile her. If that made him monstrous, then he’d done enough in
other avenues of his life, enough lying, thieving and violence to have earned
the label long ago. He’d known he was going to hell ever since Sarah had died
and he had done whatever was necessary to survive.
After an hour he had searched the five safest looking homes on the street. He’d
gotten lucky. Nobody else had beaten him to the houses. Joel had found a new
pack in the first house, clothes in the third and fourth, and books in the
fifth. Between all of them he had also found plenty of cans, including a can of
coffee he was desperately hoping might still be good. He’d gotten bandages and
a tube of antiseptic ointment to put himself back together and enough
components for shivs that he wouldn’t have to worry about breaking the hunting
knife. There had been no ammo though, and though Joel had heard of people
making their own flamethrowers, even seen one at the university, he couldn’t
find enough parts or fuel to put one together. So far, his only option was to
stay put. But stay put for what exactly? Ellie didn’t know where he was and
Tommy seemed to really have disowned him this time. When he had lost Sarah it
had been Tommy that kept him alive, and given him something to fight for.
Without him, without Ellie, where would he go from here? Everyone he knew in
Boston was either gunning for him or dead. He’d have to start over, again, with
a new hole where his heart should be.
Another option occurred to him. He’d go hunting for a pen and a pad tomorrow.
If he was going to kill himself, he would at least leave something of himself
behind. For now, he’d settle with a book and wait.
Joel’s shoeless feet hurt. They were bruised, scraped and cut to hell from
searching through the safer regions of the derelict town. He’d only had to
choke out a couple of listless runners, no signs of the other infected types
but, perhaps paradoxically, he was taking care. If he was going to go out, he’d
be the one in control. He’d found several pens, all dried up from the years.
He’d also gotten a notebook, with skull and crossbones on the front that felt
appropriate, and finally a few pencils, an eraser and a sharpener. Joel scooped
the lot into a pocket and turned to head back to the cell. He hadn’t bothered
looking for shoes. There hadn’t seemed much point.
That morning Joel had picked out the spot. There was an old three level house,
with a part of its roof missing. Sitting there against the back wall, he’d be
able to see the sky, the mountains, watch one more sunset and then: oblivion.
He had long since given up any hope of heaven. The memories of the deaths, the
damage and the misdeeds he had done were more than enough to help along to meet
the reaper without the losses he had suffered along the way. It was funny
really, looking at the balance sheet of his life. Each good thing Joel had
tried to do wiped out with death and bad acts. He had hoped to find some
measure of redemption in his relationship with Ellie, and she did. She gave him
9 months of solid frustration, sexual and otherwise. And then she gave him
nearly 18 months of bliss and solace. She made him feel like a good man. Helped
him to pretend.
Without her, the darkness had come rushing back. He seated himself now on the
pallet and began to write the last letters of his life. Each sentence was a
struggle to find the right words. He’d never been a man to use words to express
himself, preferring to show affection with his actions, the gifts he gave to
people, the way that he touched them. As the sun began to set again, Joel knew
he was entering his last 24 hours alive. With that plan set, he did what he
always did before facing the enemy. He slept.  
***** Wyoming: Part One *****
Chapter Summary
     This chapter takes us back in time to the start of this story. While
     the game starts us out in Boston, this particular story is about
     Jackson, Colorado and Jackson again. We start with Ellie stealing a
     horse, but things go a little differently than they do in the game.
     I know I said I'd post on Tuesdays and Fridays, but it turns out RL
     is interfering this weekend. Enjoy this chapter early.
“Dammit Tommy, will you just listen to your big brother for once in your life?”
Joel yelled from his horse.
“Joel, it ain’t safe to be out here on your own,” said Tommy, half pleading.
Joel scrubbed his hand through his beard. He and Tommy had tracked the horse
Ellie stole clean through the night and it was approaching noon on the second
day. The forested track they were on buzzed with the sounds of insects hoping
to make one last meal before the end of the fall.
“It ain't safe to be out here at all. We didn’t know how long this would take
yesterday. Little brother, your wife scares me. I hate to think what she’d do
to me if you don’t make it back there in one piece. You head back now; I’ll be
there when Ellie and I get done. They need you at home.”
Joel saw the reluctance in his brother’s eyes but Tommy turned his horse round
and headed back the way they had come. Twenty minutes of slow trot later Joel
and his horse (Joel had taken to calling him “horse”) came into a clearing in
the trees. The prints led off downhill to the left of the trail. Weaving
through the undergrowth Joel spotted the horse Ellie had taken mooching her way
along, nibbling at the plants growing around her. Against the shiny, brown coat
of the horse, Ellie’s white, purple and pink jacket stood out. She was slumped
leaning forward in the saddle and Joel moved forward speedily to check she was
unhurt. That she was still with the horse had to be a good sign.
“Hey, Ellie. You alright?” he asked softly.
Ellie straightened up and wiped her eyes, looking round for the source of the
noise. Joel waited to see if she bolted again.
“Joel,” she said sleepily, and yawned. It seemed her tiredness was currently
outweighing her anger and it made him want to get her indoors so they could
rest.
“There’s a small shack a little ways back. We’ll be safe there so you can get
some rest.”
“We?” Ellie turned her horse back to the trail, even as she needled at Joel.
Her eyes were swollen with lack of rest, and dark circles under them made her
look bruised.
“You don’t think I’d leave you alone do you?” Joel asked.
“After what you said back there Joel, I’m not sure,” Ellie yawned round her
words again. “Show me this shack then, I could use the rest.”
Their horses walked slowly in file along the path until they reached the shack
a few minutes later. Joel dismounted and used a shiv to pop the padlock on the
door. Although the whole building was wood, it had been well taken care of
before the outbreak and the roof was still good. It looked like it had been a
forester’s shack, with maps of the area and tree care posters on the walls. The
shack was small, just large enough for a twin bed, a stove and a small store
cupboard. Above head height, all around the room were books. The topics covered
ranged from land management, hunting, fishing, and outdoorsman manuals, but
also fiction and even a couple of human sciences books. The bed was made up
with a thick blue blanket. There were towels to match in the storage cupboard,
along with some cans of food, two bars of soap, a six-pack of toilet paper.
There was a box of shells for Joel’s shotgun, a folding fishing rod and lures,
and a kit that looked like it was for making snares. A search under the bed
turned up a box with clothes in it. They fit Joel, so he took the socks and
underwear, and a reddish brown flannel shirt and two black t-shirts.
“Ellie, why don’t you get some rest? I’ll take care of the horses and set up
some snares to see if we can’t catch something fresh to eat for breakfast.”
“I’m, um, I still want to talk to you,” Ellie said nervously.
“I know. I promise we will talk when I get back,” Joel replied.
Ellie was already shedding her long-sleeved shirts, giving Joel a perfect view
of her soft, creamy stomach. He willed himself to get it together, to stop
staring, to stop picturing her as sexy. To give himself something else to focus
on he started building a fire in the stove, and suppressed a shudder at the
sound of her zipper being lowered. She paused, jeans hanging open and showing
her pastel pink underwear, her upper half covered only with a red sports bra.
“Joel, can I have one of your shirts to sleep in?”
“Uh, yeah, lemme get you the cleanest one, OK?” Joel said, rummaging in his
pack.
He handed her his favourite, the green one he had been wearing when they first
met in Boston. She held it up to her nose and smiled.
“Smells like you,” she murmured.
She started to scramble out of her bra and jeans before Joel could even get
turned round. His cock lurched to life over the glimpse of pale breast he had
seen before flipping round.
“I’ll be back soon,” he told her, before heading out and telling himself he
wasn’t fleeing her.
Joel set up the pickets for the horses, removed their saddles and let them
roam. He walked away from the hut for a bit more than a mile, downhill, away
from the trail and towards the stream. He put several noose snares over rabbit
burrows that he found before returning to the cabin.
He couldn’t help thinking of Ellie back there waiting for him. His thoughts
skipped from stripping her off, to her demurely wearing his shirt, to her
straddling him, hair around her shoulders and shirt unbuttoned to reveal her
red-haired pussy and the curves of her cleavage. He stopped walking and
groaned. He’d never been one for crushes, not since he discovered the
combination of high school footballer and soulful singer would win him most any
girl he wanted. He’s way too old to be crushing on a girl who is barely legal.
Or would be if laws still existed for such things. Not that it mattered;
there’s no way that a sweet young thing like her would go for a guy like him.
Joel felt old, jaded, grizzled.
A short distance from the hut, close enough to see the smoke and the roofline,
but far enough that he can’t be seen from the windows, Joel stopped again. His
cock had been begging for attention since he left the cabin and he decided to
do something about it rather than being obscene and returning to the cabin for
the night and sleeping next to her with a raging hard on.
Leaning against a tree he opened his jeans and dropped them and his underwear
down over his hips to give himself space. He took himself in hand and tried to
picture his ex-wife Lucy, Tess, his sometimes lover back in Boston, even Emma
Stone, his favourite actress pre-collapse. His mind returned constantly to
Ellie. He suspected she was a virgin, although he imagined she must have
experimented some, like most teenagers. He would love to plumb just how deep
that experience went.
He groaned and moved his hand faster over his erection. He used a finger-tip to
swirl pre-cum on the inside of his foreskin to help it slide easier over the
thick head. He imagined her, imagined teaching her to be the perfect lover. He
imagined bending her over against this tree and thrusting into her wildly,
roughly taking vengeance for running away from him. She was on her knees, mouth
full of his cock, looking up at him with those big, green eyes, her lips spread
lewdly around his girth. On her back, legs wrapped around his hips, he was
thrusting deeply and she was begging for more, harder, faster, deeper. He
buried his face in her pussy, slurping on her juices, making her scream and
half drowning, she was so wet. He hauled her up his body, pushed her round so
he could eat her while she sucked his dick. Her ass pink from the spanking he
gave her, but her pussy was dripping juices onto his cock.
He moaned aloud as he came, cock spurting onto the forest floor. He rested
heavily back against the tree, slowly pulling his pants back up. Now he felt
like he wouldn’t catch fire when he looked at her, or explode when he touched
her, he headed back to the shack.
He pushed the door open gently so as not to disturb her. He’d never mentioned
it to her, but the first time they met- her jumping on him with a knife to
protect Marlene had always impressed him. He had no urge to be on the receiving
end again, especially since he had armed her with firearms and a bunch of extra
tricks and tips for hand to hand combat.
She was asleep and didn’t stir when he came in. Her red hair was spread out
loose over the pillow, and her bare legs poked out from under the blanket to
her knees. Joel paused, absolutely not taking a moment to watch her sleep, then
grabbed his sleeping bag from his pack, stripped off his boots and jeans and
made a pillow from them before settling on the floor to catch a little sleep
while he could.
***** Wyoming: Part Two *****
Chapter Summary
     Joel wakes up, makes up with Ellie, eats up and cleans up.
When Joel awoke a couple of hours later, the sun was beginning to set. He
immediately looked round for Ellie, and found her sitting cross-legged on the
bed, fidgeting.
“Oh thank God,” she said, shortly.
“What?”
“Joel, move! I can’t open the door with you lying there and I need to pee.”
Ellie stood and Joel rolled to his feet. He shuffled after her onto the porch,
still wrapped in his sleeping bag.
“Traps are off that way, can you try not to disturb ‘em while you’re out
there?” he pointed.
“How far are you thinking I’m going to go Joel?”
“Well, darlin’ you do seem to like your privacy when you wake up,” Joel
drawled.
Ellie flushed and turned to run round the building in the opposite direction to
the one he had indicated. Joel went back to his pack, grabbed the toilet paper
and held it out the door just in time for Ellie to come back round the building
and snatch it from his hands.
“Thanks Joel,” she called as she passed.
When she returned, she found Joel brewing tea from the herbs he had traded for
in Jackson. They’d done well there, arriving laden with meat and pelts, and
some books that Ellie had grabbed while he wasn’t looking. He handed her a cup
of zingy scented Lemon Verbena tea and watched as she sniffed it suspiciously.
“I know,” he said in response to her raised eyebrow, “but they didn’t have any
of the spearmint I like or your usual chamomile.”
She sipped at the cup, cautiously and seemed to accept it even if the affection
for her normal brew wasn’t there.
“You want to talk now?” he asked, gesturing for her to join him sitting on the
bed. He knew he was no good at explaining himself with words and now he had to
fix a relationship with a teenage girl he’d been trying very hard not to
cultivate in the first place. The anger he had felt at her fleeing him had
burned out overnight, leaving behind sadness.
“Sure,” she said, reticently. With her arms held close to her body, she looked
like she was trying to hide behind the cup.
“Look, you got to understand. When I said you should go on with Tommy, I meant
cause he knows the Fireflies and they know him. I never wanted anything to do
with their damn cause and if things hadn’t been so tempting for Tess in Boston
she never would have taken their deal. Then we wouldn’t be here now,” he
paused, thinking of how if that was the case, Ellie would probably have been
killed by infected or hunters by now. “I trust Tommy. More than I trust myself.
He’s what kept me going… after… after…” he trailed off.
“After Sarah,” Ellie asked. She still looked closed off, even with Joel trying
to open up to her.
“Now where did you hear that name?” Joel asked his tone slightly more angry
than curious.
“Maria told me, back in Jackson, while you and Tommy were talking.”
“Well dammit; it ain’t her place to be tellin’ you that sort of thing.” Joel
sighed and rubbed a hand over his eyes and down through his beard. “Yeah, after
Sarah died, I would have died without Tommy basically holding my hand. For
weeks he kept his shit together, kept us alive. After that I tried to live my
life to pay him back. Not that I always made the best of choices.”
Joel took a big swallow of his tea, grimacing and wishing it was bourbon. He
went silent, not knowing what to say next.
“Joel,” Ellie started. “I was surprised when it was you that woke me up. I was
expecting Tommy. I figured I would never see you again. Everyone I have ever
cared about has died or left me. You had me thinking I would be adding you to
that list.”
Joel was shocked. After all, he might have planned for her to go with Tommy,
but he would have talked to her first, made sure she was OK with it. That she
understood why it had to be that way. He knew he had no chance at keeping her
safe and he would be damned if he would ruin yet another young person’s life
with the stain of his own.
“Ellie, I wasn’t walking away from you. Or anything you did. It’s just;
everything I’ve been anywhere near for the last twenty, twenty-five years has
turned to shit. My marriage, my daughter, my relationship with Tommy. Hell, you
watched it happen with Tess. I didn’t want that for you. But if you’ll let me,
I’ll take you to the Fireflies, or any other place you want to go.”
Ellie was looking at him with wide eyes filled with tears. It made them look
extra green. She hugged him hard and buried her face in his shoulder. Joel
wrapped his arms around her and held her close, pressing his lips to her hair.
It looked like she forgave him.
Joel held Ellie for far longer than he thought he should have, grateful to have
spilled his load not long before for the control it gave him over his unusually
wayward cock. He stirred, and started to pull away from her.
“You OK?” he asked.
“Better now. Thanks Joel,” Ellie murmured.
“Hey, no problem,” Joel replied. “Anything for you.”
He cringed internally, hoping it wasn’t on his face, but he relaxed when Ellie
smiled.
She stood, and pulled off Joel’s shirt over her head. She got dressed in her
work clothes- both she and Joel had clothes for being outside and clothes for
indoors. She put on the black long sleeved thermal and then followed it with
her reddish tropical themed shirt. Joel couldn’t help noticing she hadn’t
replaced her bra. He knew the image he had caught from the corner of his eye of
her stripping off his shirt would feature in his dreams for weeks to come.
“Shall we go check the traps?” she asked him.
“Sure, if you want to eat tonight,” Joel responded.
They set off carefully towards where Joel had set the traps, so that they
didn’t scare off more game on route. As they moved, Joel thought about staying
here at least another day. The place was clearly on a rarely used trail, they’d
seen no signs of infected at all and both he and Ellie were exhausted. He asked
her on the way back to the cabin with two rabbits to butcher. She seemed keen.
“Ellie, can you skin these?” Joel asked as they arrived at the cabin, shaking
the rabbits in her direction.
“Oh, gross Joel!” she squealed.
“That doesn’t really answer my question does it?” Joel smirked.
“Yeah, I can, they made us learn in survival camp at the school. I even managed
to my first one without puking which is more than some of my classmates can
say.”
“I’m impressed, but I guess you don’t really want to? It’s this or chopping
wood for the fire. You pick,” said Joel.
                                     *****
Later, Ellie rubbed at a blister the axe had left on her left palm.
“Knew I should have taken the rabbits,” she scowled.
Joel tried to hide a smile at her grumbling.
“Have you had a look through the books up there, Ellie?” he asked.
“Yeah. There’s a couple here on fishing and hunting, could be useful. I know we
aren’t heading back to Jackson for a while but there’s some fiction and a book
about anatomy their library could use.”
“Sure, we can take it now. Just, y’know, we might have to get rid of it later.”
“I know, I know,” she carped, good-naturedly.
He finished up skewering the rabbits and grabbed the late autumn greens and
mushrooms he had gathered. He roasted the meat and used some of the fat that
dripped off to fry off the vegetables.
“No offence Joel, but I’m not eating any fucking mushroom after what I’ve seen
you do to clicker heads.”
Joel hoped that she thought the shadow crossing his face was related to her
rejection and not her complaint about what he was prepared to do to keep her
alive.
“More for me” he said, with a brittle half smile.
After they ate, Ellie wiped the plates. Joel heated a pan of water on the stove
and asked if Ellie wouldn’t mind stepping out to give him some privacy to wash
up. He stripped off his shirt, took his wash cloth, wet it and rubbed on soap.
He rubbed the cloth over the fuzz of his underarms, before he rinsed clean. He
stood, opened his belt buckle and undid his fly. He dropped his jeans and as he
turned to drop them onto his pack he could have sworn that he saw a face
outlined with that copper colour her hair goes in the firelight. He paid it no
mind and cleaned off his cock from his earlier orgasm, wiped his balls and ass,
then stripped off his socks and washed his feet. He dried off and got dressed
in his indoor gear, a soft, long sleeved, dingy white ribbed tee and a pair of
dark grey sweatpants. He opened the door to see Ellie looking slightly more
flushed than he would expect for how cold it was outside.
“You want some time to get clean?” he asked, then stepped outside when she said
yes.
Joel stood in the cold, looking up at the stars. He tried to stop himself from
thinking of Ellie in the cabin, stripped off, hair trying to curl in the steam,
body wet, slick and soapy; those pink nipples hardening in the not-quite-warm
air.
“Dammit, Joel, you are 48 years old. You ain’t meant to be popping boners like
some horny high school junior,” he growled to himself.
***** Wyoming: Part Three *****
Chapter Summary
     Ellie has a bad dream; Joel has a good one.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Joel snapped awake in the darkness. They’d had to move on from the hut on the
trail and this new place hadn’t felt so secure. They were sleeping in a
derelict town, in a church that was used way back when as a staging area. They
hadn’t seen any signs of Cordyceps at all in the town but that didn’t mean
there weren’t infected. Hunters didn’t seem to have found the place, and it was
quiet. Joel was suspicious when things were too easy.
The basement they’d picked had two exits, which was the only reason that he had
agreed to use it as a sleeping place. He’d built himself a pallet from several
cot mattresses, piled two thick to give himself protection from the cold floor,
and covered in blankets he’d grabbed while pulling apart the cots. The bed
might smell musty but it was more comfortable than some of the places that they
had slept in the course of their journey. He was sleeping in one alcove, and
around the corner from him Ellie had her own. The privacy was welcome after
sleeping right up against each other in the trail hut.
He’d definitely heard something and was reaching for his shotgun, propped
against the wall that was serving as his headboard. He hoped it was just a rat,
but moved as quietly as possible in case it was much worse. At least he
couldn’t hear that familiar echo-click that meant Clickers to fend off as
quietly as possible.
“Joel? Are you awake?” Ellie whispered, hoarsely, her voice roughened with
sleep.
He sighed, relieved that he hadn’t shot first and asked questions later.
“Yeah, Ellie, what’s up?” he rasped, his voice equally rough with lack of use.
She heaved a great sigh. “Nothing, never mind,” she said, sounding conflicted.
Joel reached for his flashlight, set to lantern mode, and switched it on. It
revealed Ellie standing in the doorway, looking paler than usual in a long,
previously white, now dingy grey t-shirt.
“Now come on, darlin’, something bothered you enough to come wake me up,” he
drawled.
She came a little closer and took a deep breath.
“IhadabaddreamcanIsleepherewithyou?” she gushed.
“Say again?” he asked, sure she couldn’t have asked for what he thought she
had.
“Uh, I had a bad dream; can I sleep here with you?”
“Ellie,” Joel prevaricated. He was hoping to get away without giving her
something that would bring her sweet teenaged body into such close proximity to
his obviously perverse cock.
“Please Joel; I’ll do all the chores tomorrow without complaining.”
“Gah, fine. But stay still. You squirm or steal the blankets and you’re going
back to your own bed.”
“Thanks, Joel.”
For the first time, Joel noticed her eyes were red, like she had been crying
before she came to see him. It brought out a protective streak in him. He’d
been responsible for her physical safety since Boston, but now he realised he
wanted to take care of her emotionally as well. Oh, he was in deep.
“You want to talk about that dream?” he asked. He felt a little fatherly at the
question which wasn’t the best of feelings to combine with rampant lust but it
did seem to be keeping his cock from the worst of misbehaviour.
“Uh, well,” she started, snuggling up close. That hadn’t been part of his game
plan but he couldn’t find it in him to protest. “You were bitten by a runner
and you begged me to shoot you. I didn’t want to do it because I would be alone
in a world full of monsters but you kept pleading. So you gave me your pistol,
I pointed it at your face and then when I pulled the trigger I woke up. I
couldn’t shake the feeling something had happened to you so I came to check.”
“That’s what I would want Ellie. Don’t go leaving me to hurt other people if I
do get bit.”
“I won’t Joel. But I’m glad you’re ok,” she said, squeezing his body with the
arm she had thrown across it.
“Me too, Ellie, me too,” he soothed, stroking her in gentle circles with the
hand behind her.
She put her head down onto his chest, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders
and within minutes her breathing had evened out and was long and slow. He lay
there in the dark, his dick half hard, reminding himself that this was nothing
like all the times he had lain like this post-coitally. It took him over an
hour before he could persuade himself to follow her into sleep.
                                     *****
“Joel, wake up.”
“W’zut?”
“Joel, for fuck’s sake, wake up you monumental cock.” He felt her shaking him
with as much strength as she could muster.
Joel rose from sleep more gradually than the last time. He’d been having the
most perfect dream, thrusting into a soft and compliant Ellie with abandon.
She’d been everything he had imagined and more, and he felt her on a level that
was visceral.
 As focus returned and reality exerted itself two very significant facts came
to light: firstly, he and Ellie were sharing the very edge of the bed he’d gone
to sleep on, and he was plastered firmly against her back. Secondly, he was
hard. Very hard. Could cut glass hard. And pressed against that sinful ass.
“Shit.”
“Yeah, I’m about falling out here; you want to let me back in the bed?”
“Damn, Ellie, if you were falling out, why didn’t you leave?”
“I tried. You grumbled, grabbed hold and wouldn’t let go. And then you started
thrusting like some horny rabbit or something. Having sweet dreams were you?”
“Uh,” he vocalised, trying not to think of just how sweet his dreams had been,
of how accurate her assessment had been.
“Look, much as I’m enjoying this, can you move?”
He rolled back across the bed, fully expecting her to leave. She didn’t. He
willed his cock to soften, to give him half a hope of falling back asleep
before dawn. He was never, ever going to mention this again, and hoped that she
would do the same.
“Go back to sleep Ellie, we’ve got a way to go before we get to the University
and I want to be there tomorrow,” he grumbled.
Chapter End Notes
     So I'm ahead of where I thought I would be and only have to spit and
     polish four chapters before the work is complete. With that being the
     case, and with this being one of the shorter chapters in the whole
     thing I figured you guys could have an extra one today.
     More on Friday, C.
***** Colorado: Part One *****
Chapter Summary
     Ellie and Joel reach University of Eastern Colorado. AU-Joel is more
     patient than canon-Joel. Joel has to make a tough decision.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
They hadn’t made the university in one stretch like Joel had hoped. The weather
had gone against them and they had ended up camping out in a lakeshore cabin in
what looked like an ancient resort. Joel had liked the place, other than no
longer having electricity or running water it seemed like a good place to live.
Relatively isolated with no signs of regular human visitation, it would
certainly make a safe place to stop off.

Joel set Ellie up in the hut and left her there. He wanted, needed, some time
to himself after the incessant chatting of the last couple of days. He spent
the early afternoon in the fog fishing. Nothing bit, but it felt like a
strangely, comfortingly prosaic way to spend the afternoon after all of the
strife the two of them had faced on their trip so far.

                                     *****

They’d searched the whole university. There was nothing here except for some
old infected in the basement of one of the dormitory buildings. They’d picked
up a flamethrower for Joel and some needed supplies, but found nothing of
interest except monkeys until they got into the last laboratory in the Science
building. Joel picked up the recorder and clicked play. He was tempted to fast
forward through the dull parts but wondered if he might miss something
important if he did.

“If you’re looking for Fireflies, they’ve all left. I’m dead, or will be soon.
Got me some time to reflect… I dedicated my life to this cause, now I won’t get
to see whether we make it or not. I joined the Fireflies shortly after the
outbreak. Here was a group willing to do whatever it took to save use from this
plague when the government was willing to retreat to ghettos. I couldn’t just
give up on our country, give up on humanity. God, that sounds trite… Anyway…
There have been years that felt like we were onto something. Like we might
actually eradicate this thing… Those were usually followed by years of utter
despair, like this whole thing was a giant waste of time. It feels like the
past few years were more of the latter. We haven’t had a breakthrough since the
passive vaccine test we ran, what? Five years ago now? Now this entire lab has
been compromised and the higher-ups want to abandon the university. I’m just
fuckin’ tired, I can’t do this anymore- I’m NOT gonna do this anymore. If
you’ve made it here looking for others, they’ve all returned to St. Mary’s
Hospital in Salt Lake City. You’ll find them there, still trying to save the
world. Good luck.”

The tape clicked to a halt. Joel noticed movement in the room across the small
courtyard in front of them and pulled Ellie down next to him.

“Holy shit Joel, did I hear that right? Did that tape say they tested a passive
vaccine?”

“Not now, Ellie. We gotta get out of here. Hunters over there, look.”

They moved back down the hall they had come by. Joel took his shotgun and made
short work of three hunters that appeared in front of them. Another was waiting
and lunged at him as they walked onto the balcony and tried to throw him over.
The momentum of the movement took them both over, Joel falling to the right and
the hunter on his left falling onto an exposed piece of steel in the rubble.
Winded, but otherwise unhurt Joel rolled to his feet and called Ellie down to
him.

“Ellie, c’mon, we can take this door out here.”

Serendipity being finite, the door burst inwards the moment he finished
speaking. Without the benefit of cover, Joel had nowhere to hide from the three
goons heading straight for him. He threw a Molotov straight for them, setting
two on fire and deterring the third for long enough for Ellie to climb down and
for Joel to rearm. He reloaded his shotgun first, and then checked his revolver
and rifle. He grabbed a piece of pipe from the scrapheap, had no time to tape a
shiv to it but it felt good in his hands.

Together they moved swiftly but quietly through the decrepit university
buildings and overgrown grounds. He sheltered Ellie with whatever protection
his body could offer. Twenty minutes later, four bow shots and three choke-outs
had them at their horses. The opposition hadn’t been too harsh which was good
because he hoped not to have to fight too hard after that fall.

He helped Ellie onto Callous before he climbed onto Horse and they galloped
away. He pushed Ellie and the horses hard for a mile, then after a short break
at a walk kept moving for another fifteen to make sure they had plenty of space
between them and their pursuers. After over an hour without signs or sight of
the hunters from the university or anyone else he let the horses rest. He knew
Tommy kept good animals but without these two they’d have been dead by now.
They would need them, whatever was to come next.

                                     *****

As they approached the lakeside cabins they had stayed outside of Boulder, he
turned back to Ellie and gestured for her to ride level with him. He had
questions.

“What had you so excited back there? Somethin’ ‘bout vaccines?"

“Yeah. Remember that anatomy book that I picked up to take to Jackson? At
least, I thought it was anatomy, it’s more like a human sciences book.”

“I don’t see how this links back to some damn Fireflies."

“Would you just let me tell it?” she paused until he nodded. “Alright then. A
passive vaccine is made by harvesting antibodies and injecting them into a
person. So if the Fireflies made a passive vaccine they had to have people
who’re immune, right?”

“And harvested their antibodies,” Joel supplied.

“Right. Then they must’ve injected them into healthy people. Joel, the trial
failed. They infected people to test a vaccine. They must’ve killed them…” she
looked like she was going to be sick. He knew the feeling.

“Well, shit Ellie, that can’t be right? I ain’t heard of anyone else ever bein’
immune, have you? What did Marlene say when she found out you were immune?”

“She told me I was the only one.”

“Then either she was lyin’ or they’ve done somethin’ to all the immune people
too and I ain’t sure which I prefer right now. How much history they teach you
at that school of yours?” he asked with rising discomfort.

“Not much. They said there was no point in looking back when the future was
what mattered, why?”

“You ever hear of the Nazis?”

"The who-zees?”

“Ellie, they did a bunch of experiments on people. Really sick stuff like
taking out their organs while they were awake and infecting them with diseases,
just, it was bad. I don’t know if I want to take the chance of Marlene trying
something like that on you. Even if it would get rid of the infected. Or could
make it so I, and everyone else still alive, couldn’t get infected. I don’t
think it would be worth it if it cost you your life."

He had no idea what the right thing to do now was. He might be damning humanity
to spend the rest of the species time on Earth trying to find a cure. He knew
that Marlene would more than likely find more immune people who wouldn’t have
someone like Joel looking out for them. There wasn’t much he could do about
that without taking down the Fireflies, and that wasn’t something he could do
alone.

He also knew he couldn’t take Ellie with him to Salt Lake City to stop Marlene.
It wouldn’t be safe for her there. He couldn’t leave her here. Back to Jackson
and then reassess was his only option.

“Ok, we are goin’ back to Jackson, soon as we can. Can’t take you to Marlene to
let her hurt you.”
Chapter End Notes
     Probably have should put this earlier, but no claim of copyright is
     intended on anything that belongs to naughty dog or other content
     publishers.
     Full text for the tape was found on imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/
     tt2140553/quotes?item=qt1992385
***** Colorado: Part Two *****
Chapter Summary
     Joel takes a bath.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
“Well, how about I take the horses and you set the traps this time?” Joel
suggested as they dismounted at the two bedroomed cabin they’d stayed in on the
way from Jackson. He took Horse and Callous round the back of the cabin, into a
fenced garden area that would do for a paddock and meant he didn’t have to
hobble the horses. He took off the saddles and blankets from each horse in
turn, then brushed them out and checked over their feet. He took the saddles
with him as he left.
In the garden area to the rear was the hot tub he’d shoved the lid off when
they were here before to act as a horse trough. It was only a small tub, if he
could heat enough water, he could have himself a soak in it he realised.
He pushed open the rear door of the building and went into the open plan ground
floor. It was exactly how they had left it, with a faint whiff of decay coming
from the kitchen area. He set to washing the dishes they had left when they
headed away, opened a window to let in fresher air and set the fire, ready to
be lit later. He split some of the logs they had left on the front porch under
the generous overhang and brought them in to dry and be ready for tomorrow.
Joel creaked his way up the stairs wondering if the worst of the noise was
coming from his knees and back or the staircase. Covering hundreds of miles on
horseback over the last six weeks and narrowly escaping the impalement that
hunter had suffered at the university had taken it out on him. Here would be a
good place to rest for a few days. He tossed his pack onto the bed in his room,
shoved next door to put Ellie’s on hers. A bath would feel great right now, and
he still had that container of bath salts that they had scrounged in Boulder,
labelled good for sore muscles. He was starting to feel like one giant bruise.
The old hot tub steamed in front of the blazing open fire. He’d left a bucket
outside for the horses, filled from the tub before he drained it. Heaving it
into the house had been a mission and he doubted he would be much good for
moving anything heavy for a little while but since he wasn’t planning on
hurrying on that was ok.
Every pot they had was filled with water to heat. The tub was nearly full and
he had mixed in the herby fragranced salts. He grabbed his personal care kit:
soap, towel, hair scissors marked “not for shivs” that he used to trim his hair
and his beard. He was glad he had enough soap for this wash and several more.
It gave him time to get hold of some more before running out. The last time he
had he’d had to beg Ellie to be allowed to use hers. It was far too floral for
his tastes and Ellie had called him after Disney Princesses for a week after
she found a kid’s magazine with an article on which princess went with which
flower.
Ellie barrelled through the door, saw the tub and said “You want to go first
Jasmine?” with an infectious grin.
“Ellie…” Joel chastised but without real bite, a smile on his face.
He poured the rest of the water in and shucked his shirt off, hanging it onto
the end of the sofa Ellie had flopped onto. She lay with her eyes closed, so he
stripped off the rest of his clothes and slid into the warm water. He sighed
deeply, reclined and noticed Ellie looking across at him. He shifted
uncomfortably under her gaze. His chest carried the marks of a long life lived
hard. He knew he was nothing much to look at even before he started fighting
for his life at least twice a week. Now, the best that could be said for him
was that he wasn’t fat, and carried a lot of muscle. The skin on his chest was
scarred, lightly furred with hair running to grey and starting to loosen around
the curves of his muscles.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, hoping she would say nothing and not label his faults
for him.
“I just didn’t realise how bad the bruising was. Why didn’t we stop sooner?”
Joel looked down at his chest and side. He was a myriad of different colours,
from sickly yellow-green through purple and blue to red and black. He had
several scabby areas from where he had fallen onto the concrete. He had seen
better looking roadkill. He’d known he was hurting but somehow hadn’t quite
expected it to be this bad.
“Might not have been safe to stop sooner, didn’t see any other place that
would’ve been ok. I ain’t hurtin’ that bad,” Joel reassured her.
Her eyes still raked over the parts of him above the water-line and Joel was
glad the salts had turned the water milky. He felt a flicker of arousal at her
interest. He picked up the cedar scented soap, lathered it between his palms
and moved his bubble coated hands over his hair covered chest. He noticed her
bite her lip and shake her head before she looked away and picked up a book.
Usually while Joel bathed he sang to himself, but he didn’t want to disturb
Ellie too much and besides, his ribs were killing him.
“What are you reading there?” he asked, aiming for nonchalance.
“Lolita, by Nabokov,” she replied. Joel choked, and tried not to swallow his
own tongue.
“What?” he spluttered.
“I’m just fucking with you Joel! Jeez, you should see your face. Calm down. We
found it in that cabin in Wyoming. It’s called Station Eleven, and it’s about
an illness that kills almost everyone on earth.” She said.
“So like Cordyceps then?” he asked, genuinely interested now.
“Sort of, except it’s more like flu and there aren’t any runners.”
“Sounds like a walk in the park,” he said. He started to wash his muscular
hairy legs and large feet. “You enjoying it?”
“Yeah, it’s pretty good. You know, they have their own version of ‘Endure and
Survive’. It’s ‘Survival is Insufficient’. Pretty cool, huh?”
“Humph.”
Joel grabbed one of the pans he had emptied, filled it from the tub and stood
facing the fire to rinse himself off. Water cascaded over his silvering hair,
down his broad shoulders, his sturdy back and his tight ass before splashing
into the tub. He took his towel from where he’d hung it on a lamp near the
fire, scrubbed his head a little less wet and wrapped it round his waist. Joel
stepped out the bath with water still running down his chest and stomach,
dripping from his chest hairs. He looked up at Ellie who had blushed bright red
and was determinedly not looking at him.
“You want a soak? I can freshen up the water in no time at all,” he asked with
half a smirk.
“No!” she squeaked. “No thanks Joel, I think I’ll just go to bed,” she said,
more calmly.
Perhaps that crush of his was drastically less one sided than he thought.
Chapter End Notes
     This chapter features two jokes I included because I thought of them
     and couldn't stop chuckling to myself. Firstly the reference to
     Joel's scissors and secondly the Nabokov joke.
     The book Ellie is reading (Station Eleven, by Emily St. John Mandel)
     is a real book which didn't come out until 2014 but, hey, this is AU
     and I liked the parallels. Playing the game for the first time
     through with this as reading material was totally bizarre. It comes
     heartily recommended and we come back to it a few times in later
     chapters.
***** Colorado: Part Three *****
Chapter Summary
     Ellie and Joel face a serious problem.
Chapter Notes
     Trigger Warning: This chapter features a non-con scene. Without
     wanting to give too much away it is pretty tame compared to others
     that I have read on here and the violence in the scene is more
     graphic than the sex. However, I can understand this may not be to
     everyone's taste and if you would like to skip it stop reading at the
     starred section and head on to the next chapter.
The next morning Joel woke to the sounds of Ellie already moving around
downstairs. The inside of the hut they shared had been considerably warmer than
the last couple of sleeping spots that they had used. He got out of bed,
replaced the shirt and sweatpants he had removed in the night and went outside
to piss. Moving through the kitchen, he grunted at Ellie’s overly sunny
greeting, went through the door, stepped into his cold boots that he had left
on the porch overnight, shambled out into the fresh early snow far enough from
the building and relieved himself, trying to resist the urge to write his name
in the snow like the boy his cock urged him to pretend to be.
As he came back indoors Ellie was packing up her gear. She checked her pistol
for ammo, and grabbed fresh wire from the snares kit and stuffed it into her
pack.
“Where are you off too this early?”
“Well, Joel, I remember setting a bunch of traps yesterday in the hope we might
catch breakfast. I guess I was going off to check them hoping that there’s
something to have there because it’s that or that oatmeal from that funky
smelling dorm room again.”
“Ugh,” Joel said, with a shudder of remembrance. “Sounds good, thanks.”
“Sure, back in a few,” she replied, closing the door on her way out.
Joel drank a cup of tea, washed up the dishes and got dressed. They’d have to
decide what to do next later today, but for the moment he was content to stay
put. Coming back downstairs, he looked for Ellie. She wasn’t back yet, which
wasn’t like her. She hated being cold and from his experience with her would
have raced to the traps, checked them and raced back.
He couldn’t see her from the windows so went just out the door to see what
could be seen. One set of prints led out from the porch to where he had peed
and returned. The other set of prints, hers, had headed out to the left of
where he’d gone and then, skirting the stand of trees that separated them from
the lake disappeared over a small rise.
Joel went inside, grabbed his pack, shoved his Colt into his belt and told
himself he would meet her coming over the rise and she would have something new
to ridicule him for. Perhaps she would call him after famous mothers rather
than princesses. In spite of himself, he grinned at the idea. He liked her
sense of humour. Regardless of whether he would be teased he stomped his way
after her.
Joel followed her prints in the snow to where she had set the traps. The snow
was disturbed like there had been a struggle and two sets of prints left the
clearing in the opposite direction to where he had come. Now he knew something
was wrong. Kidnapping wasn’t that common; after all, nobody wanted to take on
an extra mouth to feed. Joel had to hope that she was taken by someone who
wouldn’t hurt her but the chances seemed pretty slim. Best case scenario that
he thought of was some kind of forced marriage. He didn’t want to think about
potential worst case scenarios.
She was taken by hunters, or at least, humans, not infected. If she wasn’t too
smart mouthed she might still be alive. Infected would have just killed her,
they didn’t take prisoners. He guessed it could be worse. He would have to act
fast but he had a little time.
Joel’s instinct was to chase down whoever had Ellie, killing whoever was in his
path until he reached her, but he thought about it and decided to go back to
get Horse and Callous, in case they needed them for a fast getaway. He saddled
them both quickly, checked he had all the important gear from the house,
stuffed Ellie’s book into his pack from the couch and headed off to get his
girl back.
Following the tracks was simple; he figured Ellie must have told whoever had
her that she was alone because no effort had been made to conceal where they
had gone. Smart girl. He found the small town easily, and was thankful that the
snow seemed to have driven most people inside. He made smooth progress in the
town, having to only choke out one or two men before he got into the centre and
paused to figure out where to go next.
                                     *****
When Joel heard the shriek carry on the snow filled breeze, he knew. He
followed the sound, heart half in his mouth, ran hard to catch whoever made his
Ellie sound that way and make them stop before it became worse. His breathing
became ragged, his legs tired. He ran harder anyway.
He pounded up the slope, and paused in front of the steakhouse to collect
himself. As much as he wanted to smash in through the door that might make the
situation worse, not better. He wouldn’t panic someone into shooting her. His
breathing smoothed quickly and he checked his weapons were all at hand.
He pushed the door ajar and looked inside. He couldn’t see Ellie, but he could
tell where she was. A guy in a greasy green jacket and blue jeans was wrestling
with someone facedown underneath him. She was the same size as Ellie, and
wearing the same shoes as Ellie does. He knew she didn’t stand a chance against
this guy who had to be twice her weight. She was cursing the guy out but it
wasn’t registering properly with Joel, discarded as irrelevant after he had
parsed off the information that she was alive and unharmed enough to be
yelling. His heart swelled.
The creep’s hips ground against her in a fashion that went beyond suggestive to
obscene. He was speaking to her, about how good it was going to feel, how he
liked young girls best because they were pure and clean. Joel didn’t wait to
see more. He grabbed a shiv from his pocket and charged.
Deaf, almost blind, enraged, Joel grabbed the man round the neck with his left
arm and sliced open his throat with his right. Blood sprayed from the wound and
Joel felt the rage subside. He shoved the man to one side and blood bubbled
from his throat. The man coughed and gurgled before dying. He restrained
himself from beating the corpse; he needed to check on Ellie.
“Ellie?” Joel spoke softly, as he turned to face her. She was had turned over
half sitting, and looked at him with a face that suggested equal parts horror
and relief. It seemed like she might finally understand. Joel knew he did
monstrous things but only when they were necessary. It was necessary for him to
kill this guy, whoever he was, to keep her safe. He tugged her into his arms,
and rubbed one hand in circles on her back. They didn’t have long but he could
spare her the time for this comfort.
“I’m not hurt.”
***** Road to Jackson: Part One *****
Chapter Summary
     They move on from Colorado
Chapter Notes
     If you skipped here from the last chapter, then you should know that
     David attempted to rape Ellie. Thankfully our hero Joel killed him
     and saved the day. The chapter closes out with Ellie telling Joel she
     isn't hurt and now we head onwards to Jackson.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
They’d been walking for hours through the snow. Joel had decided they needed to
rest Horse and Callous, after riding most of the day before to get away from
that awful lakeshore. The horses were only carrying their tack and saddle bags
rather than also carrying the humans and all their gear.
 He figured Ellie must be getting bored. She’d been asking question after
question from “what do you think the weather will be like tomorrow?” to “what’s
your favourite movie?” to this latest effort:
“What was it like when you lost your virginity?”
“Fuck,” Joel cursed, stopping dead in the snow. Horse obediently halted beside
him.
He took a good look at her. It wasn’t hard to figure out why the sudden
interest. He couldn’t decide whether it was better to tell her or not. Mind
you, David had probably already done harm enough, how much worse could he
possibly make it?
“Well… Uh, let’s see. It was with my ex-wife, Lucy.  I was playing on the
football team and she was this pretty cheerleader. She liked me, and I liked
her, so I invited her to Bodie Mitchell’s lake house for a party.”
“So, hold on, you met your wife while you were still in school?”
“Uh-huh. We were both 16 and she had blonde hair and blue eyes and I thought
she was pretty. We went on up to that party and she asked if I’d kiss her, so I
did. We sat on that lake beach watching the sun come up and that morning I
drove her back to her house. She said that nobody was home and did I want to
come in. I did want to, so I went inside with her. We were makin’ out on the
couch and I thought I was king of the world.  She told me to take her upstairs.
We took off our clothes and she pulled me down on top of her, and kind of
pushed my cock towards her uh, her pussy. I was kind of nervous, wasn’t sure I
wanted to do it until my cock brushed her and found that she was wet an’ hot
there. That was it, I wanted to go slowly but I just couldn’t. I guess it
probably didn’t feel too good to her because I think it hurt a bit, and I know
she bled a little,” he trailed off.
“So how come you picked her to get married to?”
“Ha!” he laughed, bitterly. “I didn’t. Her dad came round to see my dad and
told him that I’d knocked up his baby daughter and what did we plan to do about
it, and the next thing I know, I’m married and picking out a stroller.”
“Jeez.” She went quiet for a spell. He couldn’t argue with her assessment. The
more he thought back on it, the more he realised a large part of why he wound
up splitting up with Lucy had to do with being married way too young and
feeling like they had no choice in it.
 “You think sex feels good after the first time?” she asked, an innocent look
on her face.
“I think it can feel good, even the first time darlin’. If it’s with the right
guy.”
Somehow, despite the intimate nature of the conversation, he was enjoying
himself.
“So, how do you know it’s the right person?”
“Well. It has to feel right. You have to like the other person, trust them.
Helps a lot if you find them attractive,” he gave her a sidelong glance, hoping
that she didn’t realise he was describing his feelings for her.
“And what makes good sex, good sex?”
“Being willin’ to experiment together, taking time over it, and savourin’ each
other’s bodies. It’s a complicated thing, Ellie, makin’ love to another person.
But when you get it right? It’s like your soul catches fire.”
She smiled at him, dreamily. They carried on walking until Joel spotted a barn
in the fading light.
“We can stop there tonight and then go hunting tomorrow, take a day off and
then head to that town for a scavenging run.”
                                     *****
“Joel, I want my first time to be with someone that I choose,” Ellie said
shakily.
Joel looked at her askance. He was shocked at Ellie, even if he could
understand where she was coming from. After David had nearly raped her, Ellie
had been alluding to how she didn’t want to lose her virginity to a creep like
him. How she wanted it to be her choice. Joel just couldn’t believe that he was
somehow the guy she would choose, were it not for the fact that he was the only
man she knew for 50 miles or more.
Joel approached her gently, the way he did a skittish horse. She’d been shown
the seedier side of sex he wished she didn’t even know about, had no experience
with men and only a little with women. He’d explore that later (and boy did he
want to explore that later) but right now, Joel wanted to give her confidence.
He was determined to solve the problem in front of him.
He placed a hand on the side of her face and another on her hip. Her hands came
round him, one at his waist and the other against his chest. He was sure she
could feel his heart thundering in his chest. He’d dreamed about doing this
with her but never thought he’d get the chance. He nuzzled his face into her
throat.
“Ellie, if I do this, I’m gonna go slow. I’m not goin’ to rush ya just because
you want me to. I want you, but I’m not goin’ to dive straight into you,” he
drawled out. She had shuddered at his confession of wanting her.
“Joel…” Ellie whimpered. “OK, Joel.”
Joel took another half a step forwards, using it to tilt her face upwards
toward him as he did so. He brushed his lips against hers gently, letting her
come the rest of the way. She sighed against his mouth, a warm puff of breath
rushing against his lips. He pulled away carefully.
“OK?” he asked.
“Ohhhhh, yeah,” said a breathless Ellie.
Joel pressed a hand against her shoulder blades to bring her closer. She turned
her head to his and kissed him, harder than he had dared. He kissed her back,
before softly opening his lips. Her mouth was slightly open under his and when
he swiped his tongue against her lips she moaned. She opened her lips and let
his tongue in. He swirled his tongue around hers before retreating and
encouraging her to come to him.  When she did that was enough for him, enough
for now. He had to break the kiss off before he would convince himself to keep
going.
“Ellie, we have to stop darlin’, before it gets too much,” he implored her.
Recalling that he had her book in his pack he decided to use it to distract her
from what they had been doing. “I have somethin’ for you.”
He took the book from his pack and handed it to her. She was clearly surprised
to see it, and jumped into his arms with the book still in her hand.
“Joel! Thanks so much. After we had to abandon so much stuff in that cabin I
thought the book was lost.”
“I’m glad to be able to do something for you darlin’,” he paused and thought
he’d better clarify. “I meant the book not the other thing. Not that I regret
the other thing…” Joel was cursing his tendency to start talking without
knowing what the end of the sentence would be before her hand came up and
covered his lips, effectively silencing him.
“Thankyou Joel, it was very sweet of you to pick up my book,” she said before
kissing his cheek.
It wasn’t fair, he was pretty sure he was meant to be smoother than she was.  
Chapter End Notes
     So, yeah, that's today's update for you. Hope you enjoyed and see you
     all on Friday.
***** Road to Jackson: Part Two *****
Chapter Summary
     Joel shows Ellie something she's never seen before. Warning: from
     here on out things get pretty sexual pretty fast.
In the days following their first kiss the temperature had dipped well below
freezing and stayed there. With a steady, strong wind blowing it was far too
cold to be outside for long. Joel told himself that the cold weather was
justification enough for them to share a bed. Though he expected to feel guilty
for kissing her and taking advantage, all he felt was his heart swelling with
joy each time she looked at him and smiled.
The first night they had just snuggled up together, lips pressing to lips and
gently exploring the safer areas of each other’s bodies. He’d copped a feel of
her rear the night before, her pert cheeks just larger than each of his big
hands could hold. She had moaned into his mouth at the caress and the touch,
kiss and sound almost drove him mad with lust. At times like that he was glad
that age had brought him self-control.
“Ellie, I’m going to bed,” he said, at the end of a long day tracking and
hunting.
“OK, I’ll be up after I put the horses to bed.”
“Ellie, that’s some damn nonsense,” he said, with a smile that showed he’d
humour her.
“Joel, I’ve never had a pet before. There were some cats around but they were
mostly feral. So excuse me if I want to treat these ones right,” she griped. He
didn’t want to tell her the reason for that was that if they weren’t useful
most probably pets had been eaten. Those cats had damn good reason to be feral.
“Just teasin' you, darlin’. Come up when you’re done.”
He was ready for his rest, having stalked a big buck most of the day and then
having to control a skittish, blood-crazed Horse to get him to drag the beast
back for him. He stretched out on the bed in a black t-shirt and black boxers,
both fresh and clean. He teased himself for the effort he was making. Next
thing you know he’d be bringing her flowers and asking her to Prom. She breezed
into the room, bringing cold but fresh air and a strong hint of horse with her.
She stripped off with her back to him and the sight of her panties stretched
over her delectable rear made his cock twitch. She shed everything but her
underwear, a fetching teal against her pale skin, and reached for the flannel
shirt he’d just taken off. Instead of buttoning it round herself she just
wrapped herself in the over-sized garment and he lifted the edge of the duvet
for her.
He reached for her as soon as she slid between the sheets. She smiled, his lips
touching hers as he pulled her on top of him. She squirmed as he pressed his
hand to her rear.
“Mmmmmm,” she hummed into him, nuzzling at his throat.
“You tuck them horses in darlin’” he drawled, his voice deeper and raspy with
latent lust.
 She nodded against his chest, burrowing her cold hands under his shirt to
stroke his stomach and play with his body hair. He smiled, wrestled with the
urge to squirm at the chill, and pushed a hand all the way up the back of her
shirt to run long, tingling strokes along the length of her spine. His lips
sought hers out, meeting firmly but without too much forcefulness. He knew she
didn’t like that. As much as he seemed to be in control, he was doing the best
he could to make her the boss. He had all the time in the world for her.
“Joel, can you take off your shirt?”
“Yes ma’am,” he said as he shifted her to one side and then sat up to strip off
the shirt. He felt the cool air in the room, despite setting a fire in the
fire-place. His nipples, already peaked with arousal, hardened further in the
cold room. She was sitting next to him, eyes all over the place, reaching for
him but not making contact as if she was afraid. He took her delicate wrist in
his huge paw and brought it to his mouth so he could kiss the soft skin just
below her palm. Then he moved it to his chest and let go. She froze. Apparently
touching him shirtless was a lot more intimidating than doing it through or
under his shirt.
“What’s up?” he asked.
“Nothing, I’m… I’m good.”
He hoped he was hiding how unconvinced he was with her response.
“What can I do?”
“Just, uh, just stay still. Don’t move, don’t touch me,” she requested.
He pressed his hands by his sides. He’d been tied up before, trying to spark
some life into a marriage turned dismal. He hadn’t enjoyed it. Lucy seemed only
to care about hitting him, causing him pain with none of the related pleasure.
This was different, he could move, he could touch. She was asking him not to,
to give her his placidity. She inched closer now, the shirt falling off one
shoulder and her red hair loose and framing her face. He resisted the urge to
shift and cover himself under her attention. Then he remembered that talking
was allowed.
“When I touch myself I always imagine your hands on my skin, I picture you
stroking my chest hairs, pinching at my nipples, rubbing my stomach. Ellie,” he
paused as she made eye contact. “You don’t have to do this. But if you want to
there’s nothing I’d like more than to explore each other with you at your
pace.”
To his surprise she stripped off the shirt and then climbed on his chest from
between his legs again. From upper chest to pelvis and along the inside of his
thighs they were touching, skin on skin. Two scant layers of cloth kept his
cock from being inside her right now. His hands started to come up
automatically to hold her, but he stopped himself and put them back. She kissed
him full on the mouth, with plenty of tongue. When she pulled back his lips
followed hers desperate for more. She had to feel his erection pressing on her
belly. Up to now he’d been careful to keep his erect dick from touching her,
especially from behind, for fear of her being threatened by it.
“Doing OK?”
“Oh yeah, Joel, doing good,” she purred across his collarbone as her lips,
tongue and teeth surveyed her territory on his upper body. She stroked a
slender finger across his brown, pebbled nipple.
“Do you like them being sucked?” she asked.
“A little, gently. Prefer them bein’ licked,” he said, before moaning as she
lowered her head and plastered a wide, hot tongue wetly to his left nipple.
“Take off your boxers,” she commanded imperiously.
“Ellie, I ain’t sure that’s the right thing for right now.”
“You going to stay still, just let me look, let me touch?”
“Uh, yeah,” he said.
“Then I think we’ll be ok,” she smiled.
Joel lifted his hips and obediently pushed down his shorts. The concern
generated by the conversation they’d just had had reduced him to barely a semi,
but the look on her face and the idea of her deliberately touching him there
had him filling up as she watched.
“Not as big as those guys in Bill’s magazine,” she commented.
“No,” he said.
“What’s with all that extra skin?” she asked.
“I, uh, I’m not like most guys in magazines like those. I wasn’t circumcised as
a boy. My, uh, my grandma was a serious catholic and she made sure my mom
didn’t have me cut,” he explained, a little unnerved to be discussing Nanna and
his mom while a young girl had such a laser focus on his erection. If he
thought too much about how this was a conversation he’d had with pretty much
every lover he’d ever had he’d lose interest in doing this with Ellie and he
didn’t want her to think it was her fault.
“Show me; show me what you do, what you like.”
He took his hand, wrapped it round his cock and slowly pulled downwards so that
his foreskin popped past his glans. She looked mesmerised. He’d never thought
of his dick as hypnotic before. He pushed the skin back up and repeated the
process until the pre-cum at his tip had smoothed the passage. Now he could, he
began to move in full strokes running the full length of his cock. It was
sturdy like the rest of him, slightly above average in length, he knew, but
much thicker than most cocks. He turned his head to look at her, to check that
she was alright. Her breathing was fast, and she was captivated by his motion.
Her eyes flitted up to his, pupils dilated and her lids half closed. She was
biting her lip; it made him take a deep breath and thrust his hips upwards into
his grip.
He closed his eyes, so it was a shock to feel her hand touch the inside of his
thigh. He opened his eyes again and watched as her hand travelled up his leg
and tentatively reached for his balls. His hand stopped moving so he could
focus on her. Joel wanted to wrap his hand around hers and guide her to his
engorged member, but he wasn’t sure that it would be wanted.
“Ellie, please,” he gasped.
She held her hand out to him. He took it carefully in his and drew her hand to
his penis. Her little fingers wrapped around the shaft and he had to hold off
from thrusting his hips upward. She stroked him firmly and with a steady and
pleasing speed.  It had been months since anyone had touched him like this.
He’d only had the company of his hand while on the road these last 8 months or
so. Before that he and Tess had been in one of their off-again periods, had to
have been at least 4 months and frankly if it was longer he wasn’t sure he
wanted to know. He tried to focus on what he was feeling when realisation
struck him.
“God, Ellie, you’re gonna make me come,” he warned.
“Fuck, Joel,” she moaned.
She moved her hand more quickly and drove him straight over the edge,
relentlessly. He groaned and carefully removed her hand from his spasming cock.
“Is it OK if I touch you now?” he asked.
“Yessssss,” she hissed.
                                     *****
He carefully eased out of bed and grabbed his washcloth to quickly clean
himself back up. When he turned back she was under the sheets, but her
underwear were next to the bed. He replaced the boxers he had been wearing and
sat by the headboard of the bed. He parted his legs and gestured for her to
come sit between them. When she sat down she was shaking. He ran his hands over
her arms, legs and stomach to stroke out the tension, as he whispered in her
ear how pretty she was and how much he liked touching her, how soft her skin
was and how much he wanted to make  her come for him.
When she stopped trembling, Joel moved one hand to her breast and caressed the
flesh, swirling his hand in circles, stroking until her nipple became hard. He
swapped breasts and repeated the treatment. Her breasts were tiny, sweet little
apple sized things. Barely a handful, something he’d never considered appealing
until now.
 Meanwhile, his right hand dropped between her legs. He put his whole hand over
her lips and moved the labia against her clit by dragging his hand towards or
pushing it away from himself. His reward was a small gasp which encouraged him
to do more. He slipped his thumb between her lips and found her soaked. He
slowly stroked along the hard shaft of her clit through the skin. She twitched
in his arms. Joel continued moving her skin back from her hood without ever
touching the clit itself. She was writhing against him like he was driving her
wild. He moved to the exposed tissue of her clit, using his middle and ring
fingers to stroke up and down over her most sensitive flesh.
“Jo-Jo-Jo-Joelllll,” she panted as she came.
He brought his wet hand to his mouth and sucked it clean. Using his legs he
moved the sheets back over them and carefully rearranged them so that he was
holding her in his arms and hoped she didn’t feel trapped. She burrowed into
his grasp, sleepy and sated.
“Goodnight Joel,”
“Mmmm, goodnight darlin’” he said, with his head nuzzling her hair. He pressed
a kiss against her and fell asleep with her in his arms.
***** Road to Jackson: Part Three *****
Chapter Summary
     Ellie discovers a type of shop she's never experienced before.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Joel looked around them at the buildings on the street. The one on the corner
seemed most intact, with blue paint round the mesh covered windows and a thick
door. He grabbed the shiv in his right hand, Ellie in his left and dragged her
towards the shop. Seconds later he had popped the lock, opened the door,
scanned inside for infected and shoved Ellie inside.  He grabbed a substantial
display case from the left of the door and used it to barricade the doorway.
The stalkers that had been following them seemed to have lost them for now.
“Uh, Joel?” Ellie asked with intense curiosity in her voice.
“Yeah,” he said, not turning round.
“What kind of shop is this?” she queried.
Turning, Joel wondered what type of shop could possibly have had her confused.
He realised right away when the light of his torch hit the lurid display of
dildos she was looking at. Oh, boy!
“It’s, uh, it’s a sex shop,” he stammered.
“Are you fucking kidding me? You guys had all this extra crap for sex? You ever
been to a place like this before Joel?” she paused, and looked at him. “Joel,
are you fucking blushing?”
He was. He was flushing in part at the thought of explaining this place to her.
As a lover she had turned out to be very, very curious. About everything. He
knew she would have questions. So many questions. He was also remembering the
only time he had been to one of these places before, on a trip to Vegas not
long after his divorce. Tommy had dragged him in there, loaded up a basket with
lube, porn DVDs and magazines, and a Fleshlight, and told him that since he
wouldn’t let him pay to get him laid this was a gift from him to Joel. He hated
to admit it but being a single father had made dating hard. That gear had come
in handy, more than once.
He started searching for anything he’d more traditionally consider useful. He
wasn’t surprised to find several packages of batteries, large packages. He
stacked them all on the counter, next to the herbal supplements and cheap,
tacky lubes. Next, he went searching for condoms. If there were non-lubricated
condoms that were still good to be had, then he would take those as well. Ellie
joined him at the display.
“What are these?”
“Condoms, all different kinds. You know what they’re for right?”
“Yeah, Joel, I had health class too you know. Prevent pregnancy and disease.
Available for ration cards and everyone gets a certain number per month.” He’d
almost missed teenaged eye rolls from earlier in their walk but the
reappearance of them was comforting. Ellie was returning to herself.
“Right,” he said.
He grabbed two packages off the shelf. Non-lubricated latex was a bust but
these polyurethane ones might still be ok.
“Lambskin?” Ellie asked, pointing to another box.
“Yeah, they’re really expensive, made from sheep guts, supposed to feel better
than a normal condom.”
“You ever use one?”
“Nah, Ellie. Too rich for my blood. Anyway, I got what I need from here, let’s
move on.”
He was placing the condoms he’d picked up with the batteries and considering
looking behind the counter when he heard Ellie calling across the shop:
“Hey, Joel, they’ve got so much porn in here. There’s so many varieties. I’ve
never seen so many naked people Joel. Joel, there’s two girls going at it
here.”
Joel’s head snapped up, and he headed over to see what exactly it was that she
was looking at.
“Y’know, I said I like boys, but did I ever tell you about my room-mate Riley?
She was my first kiss.”
“Uh, Ellie, I’m gonna need you to dial it back a little bit. I’m gonna struggle
otherwise,” he said, tugging her towards him to share a kiss. “Maybe move on
from the porn, OK?”
She moved towards the next group of displays over. Unfortunately for Joel, this
group featured all the anal sex gear.
“What’s this for?” she asked, holding up a blue butt-plug, with a bulb showing
it was designed for a prostate.
“That’s, uh, that’s for putting in a guy’s butt. This one is for women,” he
said, grabbing a straight red one and handing it to her.
  “Oh,” she blurted.
He put both back and then headed back to the counter to search behind it. There
was money still in the register, but nothing of any real interest back here. He
grabbed the cosh from under the counter and added it to the pile. When he
turned round, Ellie was playing with the whips, floggers and paddles in the
BDSM section. He gulped.
“Joel, what’s a dominatrix?”
“A woman who, typically, dresses in leather or rubber clothing and high-heeled
shoes that beats men for their mutual sexual satisfaction,” he said a touch
mechanically.
“Huh,” she said, like she couldn’t decide where to start. Too many options he
guessed.
“So you seem to know a lot about that,” she pointed out.
He shifted, exquisitely uncomfortable.
“Got dragged to a fetish club, y’know, before. People’d pay a lot of money for
all kinds of unusual things. There was this guy on the stage who liked having
people kick him in the balls. Can’t see the appeal in that myself, what about
you?”
“Kih-kicked in the balls? Or pain in general?”
She swayed towards him slightly, he thought because she was trying to look
braver than she felt. That was his Ellie, his tiger.
“The idea of spanking your perfect little ass certainly has its appeal,” he
leered, putting his arms around her body and capturing the mentioned body part
with one large hand. “But we don’t need anything special for that. Lemme show
you the outfit section real quick”
                                     *****
Joel wasn’t sure how he’d made it through the parade of outfits, costumes and
downright filthy lingerie. At one point, with her wearing a red peep-hole bra
(after explaining that it was meant to look that way and definitely wasn’t
moth-eaten), a pair of film thin silk lace knickers and suspenders, his mouth
had gone dry and he’d felt like he either had to stroke himself or mount her as
soon as possible. It had only been his outright promise that he wouldn’t
penetrate her before they were both ready, given more than a week before that
slowed him down.
She looked at his face and apparently the turmoil showed.
“It’s OK Joel, we can stop. I’ll put my clothes back on and we should check out
the rest of the building.”
“Thanks,” he said, pulling her closer so he could give her a mostly chaste
kiss. “Wait, what rest of the building?”
“Says back there,” she pointed, “rooms to rent by the hour, upstairs.”
“Nnnnnnggg,” he groaned. “Yeah, you get dressed, and we can go and check it
out.”
Chapter End Notes
     So, I used to live in a town that had a dirt cheap, although not by
     the hour, hotel above a sex shop. To my knowledge the shop wasn't
     owned by the same people and there should be no suggestion that
     solicitation took place in either establishment. But seriously, talk
     about vertical integration.
     I'm done with the story near enough now and it's stopping me working
     on my next project because I'm playing with it so I hope to get all
     of it online by the weekend.
***** Road to Jackson: Part Four *****
Chapter Summary
     Conclusion of our trip to the sex shop. Joel makes a mistake.
Chapter Notes
     Warning: This chapter features a person who has committed suicide. It
     describes a method of suicide. It is between the two starred
     sections. If you would like to skip it please refer to the end notes
     for what you've missed.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Ellie appeared, dressed and carrying her clothing bag, a waterproof dry-sack
they’d managed to find in a shack hunters had been living in. She stuffed the
bag into her pack and the two of them took the door Ellie had indicated. Joel
carried his shotgun in his hands and Ellie had her pistol drawn. There didn’t
seem to be much danger but the un-prepared were dead. They came down a dingy
corridor and entered a relatively clean looking motel style reception. A
“Temporarily Closed” sign was on the counter. Apparently this place had been
cleared out and closed early on in the infection outbreak. Joel slid behind the
counter looking for a master key. He found what he was looking for hanging from
a string next to a sign that said “You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but
it helps”. Joel smirked drily remembering what had passed for witty in this
kind of place before the outbreak.
                                     *****
When they got to the first room Joel recognised the faint odour of decay in the
doorway and made Ellie wait outside. The bed was empty but in the easy chair
drawn up in front of the TV there was an ancient corpse, an empty bottle of
OxyContin sitting in the bony lap, a spoon next to a heap of powder on the side
table and a needle in the leather of a forearm. He searched the room quickly,
but there was barely anything there, poor guy must have not had a lot and had
nowhere else to go. At least that couple in Pittsburgh had had each other.
“Nothing worth having in there,” he said, catching up to Ellie in the hallway.
“Let’s take a room far away from this one.”
Finding suicides always left Joel introspective. He reflected on how things
would have turned out if he hadn’t had Tommy. Tommy, who had taken away his
guns, then his knives and for one unpleasantly memorable weekend, his boot-
laces.
Perhaps that was why he didn’t notice the clicker in the next bedroom until he
ran into it. Normally he could fend off a clicker, force it back, or even
better, shiv it in the face to kill it outright. He struggled, wrestled, fended
off the questing, stinking maw; he couldn’t gain ground. His struggle was
herculean, and he was no Hercules. He was tired, sore, and in danger of losing
against the hungry but still powerful monster. Where the hell was Ellie? She
had been looking through the maid’s closet when he came in here but she had to
have heard fighting by now.
His fingers were starting to slip, sweat soaked and cramping with effort. He
was angry. He’d wanted his death to be useful, not this pointless fucking
endeavour. He tried once more to flip the infected creature over his head, and
at that point he would have to get creative. Suddenly, the clicker seemed to
weigh twice as much which was strange because its grip was loosening. Abruptly,
the beast let him go, and he rolled to his feet, fast. It had Ellie’s switch
blade sticking out of one set of eyestalks and looked like it was having
trouble co-ordinating all of its limbs. The effect was like watching a bad
break-dancer through a strobe. Joel grabbed the nearest hefty object and
smashed the clicker’s head with it. It was a butthole shaped ashtray. Perfect.
“God, Joel. What the fuck happened? Did it get you?” Ellie asked, already
pushing up his sleeves.
“No darlin’ it din’t get me,” he drawled and pulled her close. “If the next
room is clear, we’re stopping there.
                                     *****
The next room was clear. It had basic furnishings, king bed with sheets and
blankets, a desk and a bathroom with shower over the bath. It looked like there
might still be water in the cold tank on the roof but Joel was dubious about
how well the sewers would keep up. Right now, he didn’t care. He dumped his
pack on the floor and pulled Ellie into his arms.
“Do you trust me?” he asked.
“Yes, Joel.”
“About everything?” he pressed.
“Like what?” she asked, while slipping out of her shoes.
“Like how I promised I would fuck you before you’re ready?”
His cock pressed into her belly, hard and insistent.
“Sure Joel, why?
“I need something Ellie. Gonna keep my promise to you but I need this right
now,” he said, sliding a hand up her shirt to cup her bra-covered breast.
“Joel, I trust you.”
Her nipple peaked in his hand. She still had the peep-hole bra on. His cock had
been hard before but now he felt like skin-covered, living stone. He unbuttoned
his pants, threw off his shirt and shoes and lifted her onto the bed. He wanted
to be reverent. To take his time and do right by her. But right now, his need
was outweighing his wants.
He stripped her of everything except the bra, and then stepped into the
bathroom hoping he would find what he was looking for. He needed something he
could use, and fast. He stepped back out, holding a sample pack of silicone
based lubricant. He dropped his pants and spotted her looking at how his cock
swayed when he walked. When she looked at him like that it made him feel like a
God. He strode towards her.
“Get on your hands and knees,” he growled into her ear.
She moved instantly, her eagerness to obey doing as much to fuel his lust as
her naked ass and her shining wet pussy underneath.
“Mmmm, you look perfect,” he said, while coating his erection generously with
lube. This wasn’t something he wanted to do dry. He dripped lube into the
crease between her cheeks and slid his fingers up and down. He pressed at her
asshole to see how she responded. Wanton sex-fiend that she was, she moaned and
her half-closed, huge-pupiled eyes met his. He filled a palm with more lube and
climbed up behind her.
His palm reached over her hip and stroked between her legs, making sure she was
evenly wet. Her hips twitched at his touch and she tried to grind against him.
He backed off slightly, took himself in hand and directed himself between her
cheeks. His cock slipped smoothly against her skin. He pressed a hand to each
muscular round and pushed them together before shamelessly humping away at the
crevice. It was satisfying but not enough. The angle was too steep and
prevented the long, firm strokes he favoured.
He pulled back again; with a grunt he shoved her legs closer together. He
pressed his pulsing cock between her thighs, closed her legs around him and
stroked back and forth barely a dozen times before his cock was leaping and
spraying hot come onto the sheets.
“Ellie,” he groaned in a voice that was hoarse and raspy.
With a loud grunt Joel collapsed and pushed Ellie down underneath him. She
stiffened and trembled instantly. Even through his post-orgasmic fog, Joel
realised what was wrong and quickly rolled aside. He wrapped her in the clean
under-sheet and put his shorts back on.
“I’m, I’m, so-so-sorry Joel,” she half stuttered, half sobbed.
“No, darlin’, it’s me should be sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you down like
that. Shouldn’t be reminding you of that when we’re together. What can I do to
make you feel better?”
Concern was written large across his face, underneath it contrition and guilt.
She reached for him, and he gathered her into his arms. He held her while she
wept without saying a word. He knew she hated him drawing attention to her
upset and each fresh barrage of sobs felt like a knife in his guts. He wasn’t
sure he could speak without weeping anyway.
Chapter End Notes
     In the starred section Joel enters a hotel room, discovers a person
     who has killed themself. It always throws him when this happens
     because he has been suicidal himself, and as a result he is attacked
     by a clicker. Ellie has to help him to escape.
***** Road to Jackson: Part Five *****
Chapter Summary
     Joel says something he thinks he needs to regret.
They camped out in the farmhouse on the same grounds as the barn for a nearly a
week after the sex-shop raid. They had time, nobody was waiting on them and
frankly, he was concerned for Ellie. She was distracted and absent when he
tried talking to her. It wouldn’t be safe to go trekking through dangerous
territory where not only were there hunters and infected to worry about but
also bears and wolves. True, the bears should be hibernating, but wake one up
and Joel was pretty sure that bear would go back to sleep with a Joel flavoured
popsicle to snack on.
Each night he’d fall asleep with a sleeping Ellie on his chest, a sensation
he’d grown especially accustomed to. He liked feeling like he was protecting
her. He hated that it was, in part, him she needed protecting from.
She jolted awake an hour later and he awoke to feel her pulling away. He
reached out and caught her hand. He knew she had been having nightmares but she
kept refusing to talk about them.
“Ellie, I want you to know you can tell me anythin’. Ain’t nothin’ you can say
about what you’re dreamin’ that’s worse than what I’m picturin’ right now.”
“I don’t want to upset you,” she choked out, her voice thick with emotion. “I
know it’s not real, but it feels real.”
“What does darlin’?” he said, with his hand stroking hers.
“When I’m asleep it’s like when David took me all over again. He dragged me out
of that cell in their cold room and hauled me to the steakhouse. In the dream,
he’s got me pinned down and I’m screaming for you to come rescue me and he says
“Yeah, say my name” and I look up and it’s… it’s… you.”
Joel felt like the worst kind of shit on Earth. He knew he’d freaked Ellie out
when he had collapsed on her back after fucking her thighs. He wished he could
take it back; for all that he needed to fuck out the adrenaline that had been
flooding his system.
“I’m glad you told me, Ellie. I don’t want you to hide things from me just
cause you think they’ll hurt me. And I hope to be able to prove to you I’ll
never touch you in a way you don’t want.”
She moved closer to him.
“I know,” she mumbled as she moved in for a kiss. She pressed her lips to his,
feeling the fullness of his lower lip with her velvet-soft pink tongue. He
opened his mouth and her tongue slipped inside as if it owned the place. He
enjoyed the silky feel of her tongue slipping gently against his and rolled his
around hers when he could.
“I want you, Joel. I just, I want to wait a while.”
“Darlin’ you take as long as you need.”
She slept through the rest of the night, no more nightmares. It took hours for
the nausea her confession had spurred in him to leave, but when it did, he
finally snatched an hour or two of rest.
                                     *****
It was like he had rediscovered the joys of the things you could do in bed that
aren’t sex. He hadn’t made out this much since he was, well, Ellie’s age. Most
of the women he had been with just wanted a quick few kisses, now make me come
and oh, I guess let’s do you. He loved that it didn’t have to be like that with
her. He hadn’t felt this good in a relationship in years. Maybe ever.
 They were lying together in the farmhouse. They were still “resting” before
heading on to Jackson. The weather was terrible, they’d make poor miles, tire
themselves and the horses, and they’d be miserable. Much better to stay safe,
warm, and cosy together here.
His lips and teeth kissed and nipped at her neck. He was perched on all fours
over her.
“Ellie, I wanna kiss you. I wanna kiss your pussy, wanna make you scream,” he
said, wishing he didn’t sound quite so keen.
“Please,” she moaned.
He took her pants and underwear off, hoping to appear more confident than he
felt. He was nervous, not because he was worried for her or her enjoyment, but
because he didn’t want to frighten her again.
“Get comfy on the edge of the sofa,” he said, while he moved to kneel in front
of it.
His hands slipped warmly up her legs and she spread them apart, keenly, when he
applied gentle pressure. He dipped his head, kissed her red-furred mons and
moved lower. He pressed his lips all over her labia, before spreading her open
and licking the length of her slit, already salty and slick and with that
richness that comes from arousal. He hasn’t done this, given this pleasure to a
woman in too long. Tess never liked it, concerned about having too much hair
and about whether she smelled too ripe. A relic from being alive before the
infection he imagined, but it must be a part of the past because Ellie seemed
utterly unconcerned. He tilted his head back slightly while he rubbed the tip
of his tongue all over her various parts. Her eyes were closed, her mouth
hanging half open and her hands reaching for his hair and her nipple. Joel
reached up his right hand and gently pinched and teased her other nipple, while
his mouth continued to pleasure her. He worked his tongue into a flat blade
that covered as much of the clitoris as possible and swiped it up from the
entrance of her pussy to the shaft of her clit over and over. It wasn’t fast
but it was constant and it was unyielding.
“Ellie, darlin’, open your eyes a second for me.” He whispered, having pulled
away from her juicy clit. She opened her eyes and looked down at him.
“Would you like me to put a finger inside you now?”
“Uh… Uh… Joel, I uh, I,” she struggled.
“Ellie, it’s OK if you don’t. I’m quite happy to make you come like this,” he
said, sensing she was struggling which one to choose and nuzzling at her inner
thigh.
“Joel, um, can you try it and take it out if I don’t like it?”
“Of course, my love,” he said and then froze.
“Joel?” she asked eyes wide.
“Yes?”
“You love me?”
He sighed, pulled away from her body and wiped his mouth and beard with the
sleeve of his shirt.
“Uh, yeah,” he replied. “I’m sorry. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”
She stared at him.
“I love you too, you big dope.”
***** Road to Jackson: Part Six *****
Chapter Summary
     Joel doesn't regret what he said.
He stared at her, incredulous. He can’t have heard that right. He knew she
cared about him but he’d never expected such an unsullied young thing to fall
for a weather-beaten and half-broken, grumpy old man like him. She grabbed his
arm and pulled him closer for a kiss that it took him several seconds to
respond to. He started to smile, which made it hard to keep kissing him. Ellie
pulled away.
“We good, Joel?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“Then back to work,” she mock ordered.
He saluted. “Yes ma’am.”
She watched as he sank back to his knees again, smiled up at her once and went
back to working her with gusto. When her hips were moving, her hands clutching
at his silver-black hair, and her moans, grunts and gasps becoming constant
Joel moved his right hand from her thigh and brushed his index finger against
the entrance to her body. He rubbed gentle rings around her and was encouraged
by the jerk of her hips and the string of curse-words emanating from her mouth.
His finger entered her easily, greedily, up to the second knuckle, where he
held it and broke off the licking.
“Still ok?”
“Fuck yes. Don’t stop; I’m going to come,” she wailed.
He smirked against her flesh and went back to it, pushing his finger gently
back and forth, reasoning he could save the fancy hand motions for another
time. He felt her muscles clamp down on him as she came and knew in that moment
he could barely wait to feel her coming when his cock was inside her.  He also
realised this was the first time he’d thought about his cock since before he’d
started licking her. With the way it was behaving that was a god-damned
miracle. He eased her through the spasms, and then went to kiss her. She
scrubbed a hand across her face. He looked sheepish.
“Sorry.”
“I don’t mind, just soggy,” she told him. “Give me a minute and I’ll do you.”
“That’s OK, there’s no need for that. You rest, I’ll go take care of myself and
come back to bed.”
“Joel, what’s going on?”
“I just don’t want to freak you out again,” he said, with a look of anxiety.
“Joel, that wasn’t your dick. It was being trapped underneath you. Can we try?”
she asked, with desire in her eyes.
He moved up onto the sofa to make out with her some more. He stroked his
calloused, rough hands all the way from the back of her neck, down her spine to
the creases under her buttocks. He lay on his side, with the back of the couch
at his back as his hips started to grind against hers. Ellie placed a hand on
his chest and he felt the heat of it through his shirt. She stroked down his
body to his belt and paused. She broke their lips apart to look him in the eyes
as she stroked her hand across the distorted front of his jeans. Joel moaned at
her touch and pushed himself closer to her hand. Her index finger traced an
outline around his cock and he twitched in his pants. He covered her hand with
his and squeezed her fingers more firmly around him. His eyes were glazed and
his mouth hanging open.
Ellie released his cock, despite his groan of discontent and moved back to his
belt buckle. She undid his pants and slipped them to below his hips. Ellie
stood from the couch and sank to her knees next to him. She looked nervous as
she glanced up at him before leaning towards his crotch and nuzzling at his
cock and balls. He wasn’t so far gone that he wouldn’t notice.
“You OK there Ellie?”
“Uh, yeah Joel. It’s just…” she faded out.
“Yeah?”
“Does it feel good?”
“Oh darlin’ it feels great,” he said, realising the source of her anxiety.
“Want me to talk you through it?” he asked, brushing her hair back off her face
and tucking it behind her ear.
“That, uh, that could help,” she admitted.
“Ok,” he grunted while lifting his hips to remove his pants and boxers
completely. When he rested back on the couch he lifted his shirt and removed
that as well. Her eyes flicked over his exposed body, landing on his dick at
least twice as often as they landed elsewhere. He grinned, knowing where her
attention was focussed. He rubbed his hands over her shoulders.
“It’s pretty hard to be bad at this, just don’t bite it off and don’t be too
rough with my balls and you’ll be fine.”
She made eye contact and smiled, then leaned in close to press a kiss to the
tip of his cock. He grunted, half in pleasure and half in anticipation. When
she eased back his foreskin and licked across his glans he shuddered.
“Tastes good,” she said
“You weren’t expecting it to?”
“Well, y’know, you piss with it, I wasn’t sure.”
“Fair enough. Can you wrap your hand around the shaft and stroke it while you
play with the tip?”
She did as he asked, and he groaned again. When she wrapped her lips around the
head for the first time his eyes rolled back in his head.
“God Ellie feels so good,” he moaned as she started to move hand and mouth
together.
He couldn’t help but recall his fantasy of her on her knees from their time in
Wyoming. Ellie moved steadily, her hand and lips in perfect sync. He was going
to come in her mouth unless he warned her. Part of him was desperate to see her
swallow his come and didn’t want to warn her, but the rest of him knew that if
he didn’t she might lose all of her trust in him.
“Ellie, darlin’ if you don’t want my come in your mouth you best stop that
now.”
She barely even broke pace, and if anything, she sped up. His balls finished
drawing up to his body and he desperately fought the urge to thrust as she
sucked his orgasm out of him. His come spurted from his cock into her mouth. He
gently pushed her away from his dick when he’d finished with a hand on her
forehead. She looked straight up at him.
“And how was that for you, Joel,” she asked.
Fuck, she’d swallowed his load. Even if she decided this was a mistake, he’d be
using this moment as masturbatory enhancement for years to come.
***** Road to Jackson: Part Seven *****
Chapter Summary
     Joel and Ellie have sex.
It had snowed all day. Other than checking on the horses in the barn and to use
the great outdoor bathroom neither of them had left the farmhouse all day. Joel
had stockpiled wood for the fireplaces in the living room and bedroom and
decided to spend the time teaching Ellie everything she wanted to know.
“Joel, please. I want to feel you inside me,” she pleaded.
“Darlin’, you got three of my fingers inside you,” he said, trying not to grab
his cock to provide relief from the tone of her voice.
“I need more, Joel, I’m ready.”
He rolled back on his knees, his belt unbuckled and the button fly of his jeans
hanging open. He moaned at the sight of Ellie spread before him like a bounty
he did nothing to earn and didn’t deserve. He’d been working with his fingers
when she had made her declaration and knew she was right. She was both wet and
loose enough, even if she was still incredibly tight. He wouldn’t hurt her. He
just wasn’t sure he was ready. He still feared the chances of her breaking down
because of the remaining demons David left her with. The thought that maybe
this was her way of exorcising those demons was slow in coming to him, but very
welcome when it did.
“How do you want to do this?” he asked while removing his jeans.
“You do know I’ve never done this before? I have no idea how we can do this,”
she grumbled while delicately stroking her fingers the length of her body.
“I meant should I figure out a way that keeps my weight off you?” he pressed,
while watching her fingers travel over her body.
“Yes. Now, Joel. Please,” she said, a blush travelling the length of her chest
and turning her skin a pretty shade of pink.
He climbed back onto the bed and pulled her to him, laying the both of them
onto their sides. He stroked a hand down to her knee and pulled her leg over
both of his hairier thighs. His arms wrapped around her back, one underneath
her body and the other around her. His cock brushed at her inner thighs,
painting them with pre-cum. He wanted desperately to stroke into her in one
movement but his brain was nagging at him that something was wrong, wasn’t
ready, wasn’t right. He thought about how hard it would be to pull out of her
from this position and realised the issue.
He pressed his lips to hers, and kissed her breathless, before whispering
against her lips that he would be right back. He stepped out of bed, cock
jutting forth from his body, crossed the bedroom to their packs on the floor
near the door. He crouched next to his giving her a view of his tight, muscular
ass.
“What’s up, Joel?” she asked, lifting herself up to look at him.
“Just getting something,” he said, over his shoulder as he rummaged in his
gear.
He came back to bed with one of the huge cartons of condoms he had picked up in
the sex shop. He opened the box and removed the long strip of foil packets
inside.
“Condoms?”
“Yeah.” He opened one of the packets. “Hope this’ll prevent a pregnancy.”
“Oh,” Ellie said, watching him handling the condom with intense interest.
“You want to do it?” he asked, holding out his index finger with the condom
balanced on it like a slippery sombrero.
“Uh. What if I mess it up? We haven’t got that many.”
He stood in front of her, put his hands over hers, talked her through how to
put one on and in under a minute he was ready. She scooted back to let him back
into the bed. When he joined her, he came as close as he had been before,
pulled her leg back over his and ran long caresses from the top of her back
down her spine to her buttocks. He shifted her leg so that it was wrapped over
his hip.
“You ready?”
“Please Joel,” she nodded.
He put the tip of his cock against her pussy, and rubbed back and forth through
the lips, partly to get her used to the sensation, but also to pick up some
moisture to ease his passage, even though she was soaked. He eased forward,
pushing in the head of his cock. She exhaled heavily and her mouth made an ‘O’
of surprise.
“Still OK?” he asked, pausing in all movement and giving himself a chance to
catch up some control over himself.
“Ohhhhh,” she gasped. “Feels… full. Strange. But fucking good. Joel.”
“Can I carry on?”
“Yesssssss.”
He continued moving into her, pressing on until his hips met hers and he was as
deep as he could be in this position. He stopped again to savour the sensation
of being inside her. She was hot and he could tell she was wet. Her muscles
were clenching on him and she was so tight he felt each squeeze as a temptation
to come. He wanted to ask if she was still OK but before he got the chance she
was reassuring him.
“Please, Joel, give me more.”
He kissed her neck and rolled his hips back and forth as slowly as he could
manage. He wanted her to have plenty of time to get used to it.
“I’m not hurting you?” he husked at her.
“No, but God I feel so fucking full. You’re so much bigger than your fingers.”
“Oh, Jesus Ellie,” he moaned, his cock twitching inside her.
Her mouth was open against his collarbone, her breath fast against his chest,
ruffling the hairs there. He ground his pelvis against her body, and felt her
clench with the pleasure of it. With one hand in her hair and the other on her
hip he repeated the move and felt her hands grab at his ass when he did. With
each thrust in he added a healthy grind against her and made her whimper over
and over. When her legs began to shake and he felt her whole body begin to
twitch he ground one final time before going still in her while she came apart
in his arms.
He felt himself losing control when her pussy stroked and massaged him through
her orgasm. Being inside her hot, soft and tight body had been incredible and
this was the final straw for him. He gave only a few short thrusts before he
shouted his own orgasm into the condom. He groaned and pressed his face into
her hair.
“Oh, Ellie,” he moaned as he ground against her through the rest of his orgasm.
He pulled out of her faster than he would have liked in order to check that the
condom was still intact. He might be a monster, but he wouldn’t make her
pregnant if he could help it. He tied a knot in it and dropped it over the side
of the bed to deal with later. She nuzzled into him, and he wrapped his arms
round her.
“You good?” he asked with concern.
“Yeah, Joel. That was incredible.”
He couldn’t see any blood on the sheets so it was possible she wasn’t in pain.
He hoped so, he would hate to have taken pleasure from her at the expense of
her feeling pain.
***** Jackson: Part One *****
Chapter Summary
     Joel and Ellie finally make it back to Jackson and settle down.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
They arrived in Jackson in the early spring. Snow was still on the ground here
and there, mostly on the northern faces of hills and rises, and anywhere it was
shady. It was cold at night and often frosty in the morning but the journey
hadn’t been as arduous as attempting it in winter. They had spent the worst of
the winter in the farmhouse just North of Boulder, learning each other like a
new language. The horses had carried their gear on the journey back but they’d
walked most of it. It made the travel take longer but they could carry more
that they had scavenged. Joel thought they might need it to get set up in town.
Tommy was surprised to see them so soon; he knew they couldn’t have made Salt
Lake City and back yet, but true to his word found them a place to stay. It was
in the shadow of the outer wall, which had made it unpopular with other
residents, but that didn’t concern either Ellie or Joel. It gave them privacy
which was far more valuable than a desirable location. The house had two
bedrooms, electricity and at some point over the winter someone in Jackson had
got the water system going. Going in a flush toilet was a novelty for them both
at this point, but both of them appreciated having a bathtub to soak in that
didn’t need hours of preparation. The kitchen had a wood stove replacing the
old gas cooker and the original electric oven still worked.  People in Jackson
talked about getting him a TV, Blu-Ray player or games console, if he wanted
one. He thought about it and decided to ask Ellie before he did.
He’d traded fairly well on arrival. Joel had brought the meats and pelts like
last time and Ellie had loaded up with books, school supplies and clothes. It
meant that they had been able to make their home more comfortable. The town had
supplied a king and a twin sized bed, a kitchen table and chairs, and a sofa.
Joel had been able to get curtains, blankets and pots and pans to make the
house a home. He’d even been able to trade a collection of news of the outside
world he had seen, rabbit and deer skins, and a box of toiletries someone else
had looted from a Bath and Body Works and shoved into their garage and left
untouched, for a guitar. Joel had kept a huge bearskin from a drowsy grizzly
bear that he’d killed shortly before they arrived in Jackson despite the offers
made to make into a blanket for their bed. He wouldn’t have his Ellie be cold,
even if it meant learning how to treat the skin so it wouldn’t rot.
Before they’d arrived, Ellie and Joel had discussed being open about their
relationship. When Joel had pointed out that the majority of people in Jackson
had been alive before the outbreak, Ellie conceded that maybe they should keep
it under wraps until she at least turned 16. In a way he was relieved, and
wanted to show his appreciation.
“Hey Ellie, I got you a little somethin’ to celebrate our new home.” he called
as he came in through the front door.
“Oh, Joel. I didn’t get you anything.”
“Oh. Well, doesn’t matter, you didn’t know.” He was often blindsided by her
lack of knowledge of the world before and he tried not to show his
disappointment.
“Joel, I’ve had the perfect gift for you upstairs for the better part of a
week.”
“Well, how about you go get it then?”
She left the living room, took the stairs at a gallop and returned with
something hastily bundled in one of the floral pillowcases they used to make
the spare room look lived in. He handed her a package about a foot tall and
fairly bulky. She opened it to reveal a garden gnome, fishing, wearing a blue
jacket, green hat and yellow pants, all freshly painted.
“Where the hell did you get this? Did you have to repaint it?” she asked,
gleaming with excitement at the gift. He was glad that he had remembered her
talking about gnomes all the way back in Lincoln, more than 10 months ago.
“Found it on a scavenging run to some place in the suburbs. And yeah, I had to
paint it, but if Maria asks he came like that and you don’t know nothing about
paint bein’ used for unofficial projects.”
She laughed. “Sure thing boss. Now open yours.”
He carefully unrolled the pillowcase and held it open. At the bottom was a set
of wool shears. Two blades held together by a loop of flexible steel. Freshly
sharpened too. Could take a finger off with those if you’re not careful, he
thought.
“Scissors?” he asked, brow knotting in confusion.
“Yeah, for the house. Cause you don’t have to turn every set we come across
into a shiv any more. I thought about getting you a knife from the blacksmith
instead but I know how you like to improvise. So, yeah, scissors. D’you like
it?” she asked, with a sudden flash of worry across her face. He needed her to
know she’d picked well, it was a great gift that would make him smile every
time he looked at it.
“Aw, c’mere you,” he said, pulling her close and pressing his lips to hers,
dragging her into his lap on their couch.
“Too early Joel,” Ellie whispered with concern in her voice. He’d been very
clear on the consequences for him if people found out about the two of them.
They were careful to keep their embraces to the less public parts of their
house, or to when the door was locked and the curtains closed.
He released her, and stepped away. He knew she was right, but found he couldn’t
keep his hands off her in private. It probably wasn’t his fault since they were
still in the honeymoon period and he’d been able to touch her however whenever
when they were in the farmhouse. He felt like he was living in a country song.
                                     *****
Joel was singing in the shower again. He hadn’t felt much like singing in the
longest time but since he got hold of the guitar when they moved in he couldn’t
seem to stop. He ran his hands over his chest, and found himself swaying from
foot to foot in the warm water. Spring always reminded him of Sarah and he
caught himself singing medleys of her favourite songs. He was glad that Ellie
hadn’t lived before the outbreak because how was he going to explain him
singing tweenie pop to her. If Tess had overheard him singing “That’s What
Makes You Beautiful” rather than his usual rock ballads she might just have
laughed herself sick. He didn’t care. The settled life made him feel safe
unpacking his old memories and now, rather than being mugged by them he could
hold them up to the light and feel the bittersweet happiness they brought.
Ellie had been a huge part of that.
Chapter End Notes
     I regret nothing about my choice of singing material for Joel. He's
     always struck me as more into guitar based rock from the seventies
     and eighties mainly but there's plenty of parents just like that who
     are horrified at the musical preferences of their offspring. The
     point is that singing One Direction or whatever else his daughter
     loved is something he used to do to make her smile while she was
     still alive and now he finally doesn't feel like he's peeling a layer
     off his heart when he remembers that any more.
***** Jackson: Part Two *****
Chapter Summary
     Doctor Cole Baxter.
They’d been living in Jackson for six months in their pretty little two-
bedroomed house. She’d never slept in the spare, but they did their best to
make sure nobody knew that. Joel mostly worked as a carpenter, using skills he
hadn’t practiced in years to build and repair. It had felt for so long like all
he could do was destroy and he felt like Ellie coming into his life was a huge
part of the reason for the change. Ellie split her time between guard duty and
hunting, gathering and scavenging. Her ferocious nature made her an asset to
any team taking her out and she often returned with stories that made Joel glow
with pride.
While he waited for her to come home one night, he picked up her battered
paperback copy of “Station Eleven”. She had read it twice in the last few
months, enjoying it so much she had pleaded with Joel to read it. He seated
himself in the chair nearest the standard lamp, refusing to admit that he
needed more light now to be able to see properly and began to read.
When Ellie came home he was already in bed, a situation that wasn’t unusual,
but he was awake and waiting for her.
“So you know that book Station Eleven?” he asked, while she snuggled into his
bare chest and he pretended it wasn’t making him too hot in the late summer
weather.
“Yeah,” she replied, drawing out the word to make it a question.
“I started reading it. Think maybe you like it so much because Kirsten is kind
of like you?”
“You did?” she asked, as she stroked his chest hair. “I think she’s more like
Tess really. Lived through the collapse, you know?”
“I can see that,” he said. He was surprised that the mention of Tess brought
neither the spike of pain at her loss or the guilt at his failure to protect
her that it usually did.
“The motto makes me think of us,” he added.
“Really?” she replied, with a touch of surprise in her voice.
“Yeah, while we were out there on the road, we were just survivin’, right? And
now, we’re not just scrapin’ by any more and life is better because of that.
You know, more than just survivin’.”
“Aw, fuck Joel, you haven’t decided to go all deep on me have you?” she grinned
and then pushed herself up on his chest to press her lips to his.
                                     *****
There was just one problem with living in Jackson. Several months after they
arrived a man showed up at the gates, coming from the South-East. He claimed to
have found out about the town from a girl who escaped the same cannibal cult.
He was tall, blonde and handsome, but with the coldest eyes Joel had seen on a
survivor in years. He’d learned to fear people who looked like that, that
they’d take what they wanted and kill you for trying to interfere. This guy
Cole was going to be a problem.
“Joel, he’s talking about me,” Ellie breathed at the town meeting that was
called to welcome all new residents.
“I know Ellie. Is any of what he said true?”
“He could have been there when you killed David. I don’t remember seeing him
but like I told you before I didn’t spend all my time in their hospitality
conscious. I definitely didn’t tell him about Jackson. I dunno, maybe his name
really is Cole?”
“What about writing it anywhere?”
Ellie looked round at him with an expression of guilt he’d learned to read off
his daughter’s face and the similarity made him feel slightly ill.
“What, what is it?”
“My diary. I wrote about how the university was a fucking waste of time and how
we were going to be heading back to Jackson to live with Tommy.”
“Shit, we have to tell Maria, see what she wants to do.”
“Do you think they’ll take a guy who has lied to them?”
“I don’t know,” Joel said, tightly. He was thinking about how he has lied to
the whole town about the nature of his relationship with Ellie, and what might
happen when the town found out.
                                     *****
Maria met them later that afternoon, but wasn’t that interested in what they
had to say.
“I’ll be honest with you two, unless you have proof he’s a murderer or a
rapist, then we are keeping him here. Dr Radcliffe has been rushed off her feet
since the town has grown and we need all the medical expertise we can get. Cole
is a doctor. He’s staying, even if he did read your diary as a prison guard
when he was part of a cannibal commune.” Her tone suggested she didn’t believe
their story.
“So what do we do now,” Ellie asked when they got back to their house.
“Not much we can do darlin’, ‘cept for keep away from the guy and hope he
doesn’t want revenge.”
                                     *****
They found out what he wanted after he tried to split them up at lunch one day.
“Hey, don’t I know you?” he asked Ellie.
“No, I don’t think so,” she said, turning to look for Joel.
“Yeah, sure I do. I’d remember eyes that pretty anywhere, and you sure do have
a fine pair,” he said in a voice a close facsimile of friendly. It still left
her cold.
“Uh, I think you have me confused with someone else, mister,” she stated
flatly, as she gestured for Joel to come over.
Joel gave her their hunting signal for listen, then the signal for wait. He
could hear them both clearly and would wait to see what the guy said before
coming across.
“Oh, I don’t think I have you confused at all Ellie Williams. I’d like to thank
you for the recommendation of a place to stay, by the way. A doctor can live
like a king in a place like this. A guy like me, he could live like an
emperor.” Cole inched closer. “Now tell me, is that guy you’ve been waving at
your dad? Or is he, what was it? Ah, yes, ‘Super-hot fitty’ Joel?”
Ellie’s eyes widened, partly in shock and partly in fear. Nobody in town knew
about them and they’d worked hard to keep it that way. What this guy would do
with the knowledge Joel had no idea but they had to placate him somehow. He
couldn’t go back to murdering people at the drop of a brick again. He went to
join them.
“Ellie, who is your new friend?” he asked.
“I’m Cole, the new doctor in town,” the guy slimed.
“Well, nice to meet you sir, but Ellie and I have to be goin’.”
“Sure,” he said, before turning to Ellie and hissing “I’ll be in touch.”
                                     *****
Joel had noticed how Ellie had changed during their time in Jackson. She’d
turned 15, grown several inches, and gained some weight in a damned fine way.
She had some very sexy curves that he still struggled to keep his mind off.
Hell, truth be told, he struggled to keep his hands off them sometimes. Her
hips were rounding out beautifully. He loved the way she had looked but found
the changes equally alluring. He knew he’d changed as well. His face looked
less haggard, less haunted. He’d put on a couple of pounds, and slept better
which seemed to be getting rid of the dark circles under his eyes. He smiled
more, he was happy.
Joel sat back on the sofa, arms spread across the back as he watched Ellie
sorting their latest scavenging haul. Her kneeling position on the floor by the
couch put her head at the same level as his cock, which was pressing out the
front of his sweatpants at the thought of all those curves. She looked up at
him, face then pants. He noticed and rolled his hips to pull attention to his
dick. He smirked when her eyes went wide.
She walked over to him, climbed into his lap, put his hands on her hips and ass
and kissed him hard. Her hands were in his hair and he found himself grinding
his hips up into her.
“So,” Joel said, recalling something he’d heard earlier. “You called me a
hottie in your diary?”
She put her face into his chest to hide her shyness.
“Yeah.”
“When was that?”
“Well. Before Colorado anyway,” she said, blushing.
“Oh darlin’, don’t be so embarrassed.”
Joel pulled her body to his. It felt good to know her attraction to him
predated the desperate time after David. If he had to pick an exact moment his
attraction for her started, it would be hanging upside-down in Bill’s trap all
the way back in Lincoln, more than a year ago. He remembered his face pressed
into her stomach, his hands on her hips, while her hands stopped his shoulders
swaying. He couldn’t believe the two of them were still alive, still in each
other’s company and, reflecting on his feelings back then, that he was happy
about it.
“OK, so if you were attracted to me then, how come you never said anything
before?”
“Didn’t know if you’d turn me into your personal sex slave,” she said with a
grin.
He chuckled, even as he hardened further at the idea of ordering her around.
“Oh, but that doesn’t worry you anymore?” he smirked.
“Nah, I figure with everything you’ve shown me so far, being your sex slave
could have its advantages.”
“C’mere,” he smiled, lifting her into his arms, kissing her and carrying her to
their bed.
He stripped off their clothing like he had before, pressing his naked body to
hers. He always liked to pause at this point to take her mouth and plunder it
with his tongue.
“Can I lick your pussy, Ellie?” he asked breathlessly.
“God, Joel.”
He slid down the bed and sucked, licked, kissed and nuzzled at everything
between her thighs. She writhed underneath him and moaned. He rose back up the
bed, pulled her into his lap and thrust his erect cock deep into her tight
pussy. Her legs wrapped over his thighs as he knelt between them. From here he
could watch his dick disappear into her body which was always at the top of his
to do today list. There’s also less worry that he’ll come inside her. They have
some condoms but they have to ration them and both of them want sex more
frequently than that would allow. While her bodyweight had risen, her cycle
still hadn’t stabilised, so the rhythm method wouldn’t work for them. A baby
wouldn’t be the easiest thing to explain, even to Dr Cole Baxter.
He moved his fingers to her clit, just pressing them against her and letting
the motion of his hips provide the friction she needed to come. As she flew
over the edge her mouth wide and panting he thought she’d never looked so
beautiful. Her pussy clenched around him, pulsing and twitching and so, so
tempting. He wrenched back and stroked himself twice before he came over her
soft stomach. He reached over the side of the bed to grab the rag there, wiped
off her stomach, wiped off his cock and lay down next to her. She turned to
him, kissed his jaw and then rested her head on his chest.
***** Jackson: Part Three *****
Chapter Summary
     Joel fights with Ellie because he's a dope. He finds out what the
     town does with people it doesn't want.
Chapter Notes
     Warning: this chapter features a threat of sexual violence. If you'd
     prefer to skip it please skip to the next chapter when you reach the
     last set of stars.
Neither Ellie nor Joel rested easy after their first encounter with Dr Baxter.
He had them both on edge. The intimacy they usually shared began to suffer, and
they had several pointless fights, like many couples when they are stressed.
He’d watched fights like this break his marriage down. Lucy cheating on him
while she was away at college might have been the nail in the coffin, but they
hadn’t had a healthy relationship for months before he walked into that dorm
room to catch her at it. He knew that the same thing could happen here and yet
he couldn’t seem to stop himself.
 Joel was fretting that Ellie would think that being with him wasn’t worth it.
He’d never worried about losing her to another man, or another woman for that
matter after she made her desires about dating either gender abundantly clear.
But now he was worrying about her calling quits because of this other man. He
had no idea how to go on living in the same town with her, watching her shack
up with some other bastard and wondering if she does that thing with her tongue
he taught her for him. When she intruded on this pity party, he snapped at her.
“What the fuck Joel, I asked you if you wanted some dinner and this is how you
respond?” She looked genuinely affronted, which of course she had every right
to be.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice softer but still thick with emotion. ”It’s
just… d’you ever wonder about what you’ll do if this doesn’t work out?”
“You don’t think this will work out?” she asked, her voice cracking with the
emotion.
Aw, crap. He’d made it worse. Now she looked like she might cry.
“That’s… that’s not how I meant it. Just seems like we’re fighting all the time
and Cole wouldn’t have nothing to blackmail you with if it weren’t for me.” He
sounded defeated. His head dropped, and his shoulders felt like they were
crumbling under a heavy weight. “Maybe you’d be better off if we weren’t
together.”
“Joel, just stop. Seriously, before you say something you can’t fucking take
back. Have I ever given you a reason to think I don’t want you?”
He shook his head mutely, tears filling his brown eyes. She looked like she was
about to rip his heart out in front of him and there was nothing he could offer
her to stop it.
“Then accept this: I’m sticking around. I’m fighting for this. I want you and
only you and Cole and anybody else that wants to split us up can learn to
fucking like it. Now stop being such a dickhead and come get something to eat.”
She was furious but her voice filled with love towards the end of her speech.
Her hand slipped into his and she tugged him into the other room. As he slipped
into his seat he scrubbed his thick forearm across his face to dry his eyes.
Ellie passed him a plate and pressed a kiss to his greying temple. He grabbed
her as she turned to leave and pulled her into his lap.
“Can’t promise I won’t get ideas like that in my head again, darlin’. But I
love you so I promise to talk about ‘em if it happens again.”
“Deal,” she said against his lips. “I love you Joel Miller. Now eat your stew
before it gets cold.”
                                     *****
Joel knew Cole had been bothering Ellie off and on and knew the guy creeped her
out. He thought she might not be telling him the half of everything that was
happening to keep him from going off the handle. So when Ellie asked if he
wouldn’t mind walking her home from the stables after her hunting shifts were
done, he had to know why, because his mind was conjuring up a whole lot of very
uncomfortable images for him.
“C’mon Ellie, you know I’m gonna do it; just tell me what’s goin’ on.”
“I can’t Joel,” she said, face turned away from him.
“Why the hell not?” he asked sharply.
“Because if I do I’m afraid you’ll kill him. You know Maria is founder of the
Dr Baxter fan club. If anything happens to him here will be the first place
she’ll look.” Ellie was very matter of fact about it. It left him feeling cold
with fury.
“Why would I want to kill him Ellie? Did he put his hands on you,” Joel
demanded as the temperature of his rage rose from hot to boiling. There was
always the opportunity for it to enter the nuclear realm he learned that slimy
prick had put hands on his girl. The fact that the slimy prick was a good
decade or more younger than him and a potentially attractive partner for a
young woman had nothing to do with it. He refused to accept that at least part
of his anger was jealousy over a relationship that did even exist.
Joel knows he can’t just kill the guy but the town must have ways of getting
rid of people doing more harm than good. Maria might not want to listen to him
but Tommy knows the way the town works as well as anyone. As he started to
leave the house, sticking his Colt in the back of his jeans as normal, Ellie
caught him by the arm.
“Joel! You can’t just kill the guy because you don’t like the way he leers at
me.”
“Darlin’, I can. I’m not going to, at least not right now. I’m goin’ to visit
Tommy to see if there’s anything we can do to get rid of that guy. I promise.”
He left the house in the early evening sunshine and headed straight to Tommy
and Maria’s. It was in the opposite direction from his house than the good
doctor’s house and that was only a good thing because it was stopping him from
heading over there to cave the guy’s head in.
                                     *****
As Joel entered Tommy and Maria’s bungalow and turned left into the den he
found Tommy on the couch throwing a grubby red towel over something on the low
coffee table that looked like metal and bone. He was curious as to why it had
to be hidden, but not enough to ask about it.
“Hey little brother, what’s going on?”
“Hi Joel, uh, not much. You want a beer? I swear those guys over in the
brewhouse are doing real good work now.”
“Sure.”
They moved into the kitchen, took two green glass bottles of lager from the
stained and off-white fridge and leaned against the sun faded and chipped
formica worktops. Hazards of age, Joel thought. They popped the swing-tops of
the beer and Joel was glad that at least this batch wasn’t so over-carbonated
as to shower him with suds like the last lot he’d had a few weeks ago. Brewing
might be a science but clearly in Jackson it wasn’t an exact one.
“So what’s up Joel? You’ve not exactly been buddy-buddy with me since you got
here. I mean, I swear I didn’t know what was goin’ on or I would’ve told you.
Not the point. I know you didn’t just come over here to drink my beer.” Tommy
had an expression that clearly said he missed his brother and regretted not
sharing his gut feeling over what the Fireflies had been up to when he had the
chance. Joel forgave him, thinking back he probably wouldn’t have believed his
brother at the time.
Joel took a swig of cold, hoppy beer. He missed being able to grab a bottle of
beer whenever he wanted. This conversation wasn’t likely to be easy either so
he planned to savour the beer for as long as he could. He had to be careful how
much he gave away. There was no way Tommy wouldn’t be suspicious that something
was up. He decided it was better to approach it head on, like ripping off a
Band-Aid.
“Just, y’know, hypothetically, what would happen if, say, someone committed a
crime?” he asked, haltingly.
“Somethin’ going on I should know about?” Tommy asked, instantly thinking of
the good of the town. It was just like him to get caught up in the wider
ideals. Joel could cut straight through that with a shiv to find himself the
best solution for himself and now for his budding family.
“No. No, nothing like that. I just want to know how the system works.”
“Well, it depends really. Small scale stuff, like fighting, missing work
details and stealing we agree a restitution. Like Steve when he kicked the crap
out of Danny for kissing his wife, we took the two of them together and finally
agreed Steve would take two of Danny’s shifts on the walls. Could’ve been more
but Danny agreed he’d deserved it. If that doesn’t work, we can issue extra
work details, or we can cut off power and water. The well still works, so
nobody is in danger of dying of thirst.” He took a long swallow of beer.
“What about more serious crimes?” Joel asked, aiming for casual.
“I was gettin’ to that. Last year, old man Roberts went crazy, killed his wife
and their kid, Lily. She was only a teenager, a bit younger than your Ellie.”
Joel tried not to flinch at the mention of “his” Ellie.
“What did you do?”
“We caught him, locked in the garage of the house down by the cookhouse. Use it
as a jail. Found out the whole damn sad story in bits from his neighbours and
then from him as well when he confessed. Then we took him out to this derelict
town about 50 miles away. There’s a place there we put exiles. It’s safe enough
for them to make their choice about what to do. Never been back there to find a
body, that’s all I’m saying. We leave ‘em a pistol with a single round. Rest of
their stuff is forfeit.”
“Like bein’ marooned by pirates,” Joel muttered.
“That answer your question?”
“Uh, yeah Tommy thanks. For the beer too,” he said while standing up straight
and setting down the mostly empty bottle.
“Hey, wait. You can’t go without tellin’ me what this is about.” He caught Joel
by the shoulder as he was heading through the door. “Joel, if there’s somethin’
goin’ on, I need to know about it.”
“It’s nothin’ little brother, don’t go worryin’ about it,” Joel grumbled as he
headed out the door.
“Well, Joel, you gotta come by for dinner sometime soon. It’s crazy havin’ you
in the same town but never seein’ you.”
“I’ll think about it,” he said, knowing that if he asked Ellie she would want
to go. Maybe he should accept the invite. Enough time had gone by and enough
wrong had been done by both sides that it might be time to bury that hatchet.
                                     *****
As Ellie told it, Cole had waited until she was alone, walking back from her
duty on the wall, then grabbed her and dragged her into an alley. He’d pressed
her face into the cement wall and rubbed his body against her back. He’d been
pretty clear, breathing foul stink into her and telling her if she went and had
sex with him, he wouldn’t tell anyone about Joel and her.
Joel was outraged and ready to kill the guy all over again. He couldn’t touch
Ellie that way for fear of reminding her of the assault by David and he
couldn’t imagine how afraid she must have been, being in a position the same as
before and being threatened with sexual violence again. Besides Ellie was his
and he didn’t plan on sharing her with anyone, ever.
“We can’t give him what he wants Ellie. If we do we’ll never be rid of this
guy.”
“I know,” she commented, with tears in those beautiful green eyes.
“Sides, I ain’t sharin’ you, not with anyone.” He said, taking her into his
arms, and using a big thumb to brush the tears away from her eyes.
“Except for Emma Stone if she ever shows up. I know, we’ve talked about it
love,” she said, her voice muffled from her face being turned into his shirt.
He smiled. Her sense of humour was currently still intact. He didn’t know how
long that would last or whether they may or may not fight over this exact joke
at some point in the near-future but for right now he was happy that she was
coping. At least one of them was.
***** Jackson: Part Four *****
Chapter Summary
     Cole shows up on their doorstep. Joel needs Ellie again.
Joel opened the door and couldn’t believe that Cole was on their doorstep.
“What the fuck do you want?” he growled.
“I think you know the answer to that, chief. Stay calm now, can’t have the
neighbours wondering why you hate on the doctor, can we?”
“Fuck you, Cole, I could give two shits what they think.”
“Now we both know that isn’t true. If it was they’d all know about your sordid
little secret. Which reminds me, I came to make sure Ellie comes to see me. I
know she won’t come through choice. You may even have to make her. And it will
taste all the more sweet for it. I’d have thought that would make sense to a
guy like you. You’re so like me in that regard. It’ll be a shame to have to get
rid of you.”
With that Cole turned and left Joel and Ellie’s doorstep. Joel had had to
swallow his anger when he saw who wanted to invade his personal space. He was
struggling to keep it under control at the suggestion he and Cole were alike.
Cole wanted something from Ellie she didn’t want to give him and was enjoying
the idea. The idea she might not want what Joel gave her made him sick, and he
had often checked she did in fact want him, not just any guy in the early
stages of their relationship.
 Joel was thankful Ellie was still at work on the walls. He wouldn’t be able to
take much more of this. He knew he’d have to sort it out once and for all.
Right now, however, there was a sharper need that he felt. He paced their
living room, couch to window, window to bookshelf, bookshelf to table, table to
couch over and over, feeling more and more trapped with each step.
Ellie walked through the door buoyed with stories to tell, filled with
excitement over the Carter twins she saw on her way here until she caught sight
of his face.
“What’s wrong?”
“Need you, need you now,” he growled, his eyes dark with burning lust.
It wasn’t the first time that he’d taken comfort from her body, but it was the
first time it was like this. Need burned him inside. He whipped his shirt off,
dropped it to the floor in their lounge then grabbed her, threw her over his
substantial shoulder, placed a hand on her ass to hold her steady and raced up
the stairs with all the abandon of youth, ignoring 48 years of hard living on
his joints.
He dropped her to her feet in their bedroom. Joel stripped her of all of her
clothes, almost ripping a few things in his haste. He took a moment to drink
her in. She looked so beautiful to him. He pushed down his pants and underwear,
stepping out of them and moving towards her.
He shuttled her ahead of him towards the bed, pushed her down and climbed
between her knees, his erection huge, solid and weeping with unrestrained lust.
Controlling himself was a challenge but he wouldn’t hurt her. He knew she could
take him when she was well prepared, but he could hurt her if he just drove in.
He trailed his fingers between her legs and found her too dry. He dropped his
head to lick at her, drawing his tongue over all of her flesh, soaking her. She
began to squirm and voice her enjoyment. When Joel moved his tongue in tight
circles around her clit she came, moaning his name. He dragged the orgasm out
for as long as possible before he climbed back up her body.
His drooling cock was not diminished by the interlude and his desire to be
inside her was close to overwhelming. She reached for him, wrapped one hand
around his waist while the other grabbed his dick and pointed him inside her.
He pressed in with one smooth movement, snapping his hips at the end to push
himself as deep as possible. He didn’t have it in him to go slow right now, and
while grinding might wind him up normally, right now he needed something else.
He pounded into and out of her, fierce and hard. He heard himself growling on
each in thrust.
“Mine.” He repeated it over and over, his voice growing hoarse and rough.
Ellie grabbed his ass with one hand and bit his shoulder. He grimaced slightly
at the pain of it, but it was helping. He was breathing like a horse at full
gallop, fast, hard and desperate. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her breasts,
moving in alluring circles with each thrust. He wished he could look at her
face but he didn’t want to see the disappointment, or the upset, that he
expected to be painted there. When he finally looked up he saw nothing in her
face but lust and it drew his breath away. He leaned forward to kiss her, hard.
His thrusts sped up out of nowhere until, inevitably, he was pulling back and
spilling onto her stomach. He kneeled back from her body rather than holding
himself close enough to kiss like he would normally. His face was twisted into
a contortion that had to reflect the pleasure and pain he was feeling. He was a
little ashamed of how he had just used her like some type of toy. He’d have
done better with his old Fleshlight if he just wanted to orgasm. The fact that
he had made sure she came as well had nothing to do with it. The idea that he
was staking a claim on her body was in many ways, much worse. He hated not
being able to claim her in public.
He’d usually get up for a towel or rag to clean her up, but he was worn out. He
collapsed against her, and rolled to one side quickly in deference to her
continued dislike of him weighing her down. As his breathing slowed to normal,
Ellie spoke up:
“So Cole?”
“Cole,” he growled. He hated the guy for getting to him like this.
***** Jackson: Part Five *****
Chapter Summary
     The Fall.
It was a later summer afternoon; one of those days when the sunshine seems like
it’ll last forever. The whole town had gathered for music, dancing, food and
beers for the Founder’s Day Festival. The festival celebrated the reclaiming of
the town from the infected, and it being set up as a non-military self-
sustaining settlement. They slaughtered a pig to roast whole over a huge fire.
There was a stage set up with space for dancing and they had both recorded
music and live acts from members of the town. A couple of Joel’s friends from
the carpentry crew had suggested he might want to sing after they’d heard him
when he was finishing planks. He declined but told them he would next year.
Joel had spun Ellie out on the dancefloor, and then watched as she shared
dances with two of the young men she manned the wall with, Andrew and Joe. He’d
tried to keep his jealousy in check, or at least from being written all over
his face. He knew she wouldn’t stray, but it still killed him seeing another
man with his hands on her. It had to be at least partly to do with Cole and his
clearly stated intentions. He had seen Cole earlier, swinging a couple of
different young ladies out for a dance and Joel tried to steel himself in case
he asked Ellie.
When Esther came along and asked him to dance, he didn’t see the harm. She was
a pretty woman for her age, around two years or so older than him. People kept
trying to push the two of them together. To outside appearances they had both
been single since they got to Jackson. It was a shame he couldn’t be in a
relationship with someone like Esther where he could shout about it to the
whole town and nobody would care. He strangled that thought before it got the
chance to take off and looked round for Ellie.
“You’re mighty protective of your little girl, Joel,” she said.
“She ain’t my daughter,” Joel corrected her.
“Yes, I’ve meant to ask about that. Bit unusual, you two living together don’t
you think?”
“I promised someone I’d take care of her and that’s what I’m going to do. I
don’t much care for whether you think it’s unusual or not. End of discussion.”
Joel sensed Esther’s displeasure at him shutting the conversation down like
that, but frankly he didn’t care. He couldn’t see Ellie and while he’d seen
Cole out on the dancefloor earlier he couldn’t spot him either. He stormed off
the dancefloor and began searching side streets and alcoves.
Just before he reached the next alley he heard a shriek that was painfully
familiar. He sprinted the last few yards and arrived to see Cole forcing Ellie
to her knees and unbuttoning his pants. She was fighting against him but Joel
knew she wasn’t winning. Cole had to be close in size to Joel and he could
force Ellie to do anything he wanted.
He didn’t stop to think twice. He just threw himself at Cole, smashing his huge
fist into his face with as much force as his muscular arms could muster. The
guy was between his knees, underneath him while his fists rained down onto his
face. Joel could hear roaring and he was pretty sure it was coming from him as
he discharged all the hatred and rage and fear he had felt down the lightning
rod of delivering a beating.
Next thing he knew Tommy was shoving him off the slumped body beneath him.
People were helping a sniffling Ellie up and he wanted more than anything to
comfort her but didn’t trust himself to keep it crowd-friendly. Maria arrived,
took one look at the scene and started giving orders.
“Someone run for Dr Radcliffe, we will need her to check over Dr Baxter.
 Tommy, you take Joel home and make sure he stays there. Ellie, are you happy
to go home with him or do you want to stay somewhere else tonight?” She waited
until a still tearful Ellie shook her head. “Fine, someone will be across to
talk to both of you tomorrow. Now get out of my sight.”
“What the fuck Joel?” Ellie erupted as soon as they were alone.
“Excuse me?” Joel raged. “I stopped that guy from forcing himself on you and
you’re mad at me?” The adrenaline in his system was making him jittery and he
couldn’t think straight right now.
“You hit him and now he’s going to tell everyone everything,” she said, her
face crumpling as her adrenaline fled and left her tearful.
Joel took her into his arms and pressed his forehead against hers.
“Don’t worry,” he murmured to her, “everything will turn out alright.”
                                     *****
The door slammed open and a mob of guys burst in. Joe grabbed Joel’s arm so he
slugged him and the younger man broke off. Someone else grabbed Ellie and
yanked her away from him. He fought against a sea of bodies to get to her.
“Ellie,” he yelled, half-crazed with panic. He knew he wouldn’t be able to keep
her safe if she wasn’t with him.
“She’s going where you can’t hurt her anymore,” the voice of one of the men
binding his hands said.
He was rushed toward the doorway so fast that he tripped and ended up in the
mud of the driveway. As he lay still, he knew what was about to happen, and he
felt sick with the fact that he hadn’t been able to keep Ellie safe. It didn’t
matter to him that they were going to beat him. It mattered to him that he had
handed Ellie over to the creep that wanted her. Several boots arrived in his
vision, none of them Ellie’s, and rather than help him up, these feet began to
kick him.
“Alright guys, he’s had enough,” came a voice. “Don’t kill him.”
The beating halted. Whoever new voice was he was clearly in charge. Joel
couldn’t place it but it didn’t matter over much. The boots that belonged to
the new voice appeared in his vision as he tried to turn to look up at his
face.
“Never come back to Jackson,” he said. “We shoot exiles on sight.”
Then a sharp pain in his left temple and everything went black.
***** Exiled: Part Two (Ellie) *****
Chapter Summary
     Ellie figures out what has happened and races after her Joel.
Chapter Notes
     Warning: moderately graphic sexual violence in the start of this
     chapter. Skip to the first section of stars if you'd prefer to miss
     it.
     Also suicide notes in this chapter. They are in italics if you'd
     prefer to skip those
See the end of the chapter for more notes
When they’d first told her she was safe now, she was confused. She was safest
with Joel and he wasn’t here so how could she be safe. It’s not like she was
unfamiliar with the concepts of molestation, rape or incest. It’s just none of
them applied to her. Ellie had spent the night in a panic. They might be
calling her safe now, but she knew with Joel gone Cole would take the chance.
She wasn’t wrong. She was sitting on their couch when he showed up in the late
morning the day after Joel was taken. He leered at her.
“I knew they’d toss out your Daddy if I told them about you. The two of you.
They all think the two of you are sick, a dad having sex with his baby girl.
Course, if they knew what I have planned for you, they’d string me up by the
balls.” His bruised face looked awful, but it was the expression in his eyes
that haunted Ellie.
She had backed away from him before ending up in the kitchen. She picked up
Joel’s scissors from the bench and stuck them into the back of her pants.
“Look, we both know you’re going to do this. Can I make one request?” she
asked.
“Depends what it is, but I’ll try to be accommodating.”
“Not here. I can’t do it here.”
“Fine, my place isn’t far away. We can go there,” he said. Then he held out his
hand. “I’ll be taking those shears from you now though. I don’t think you’ll
need them.”
Reluctantly she put them into his hand. He put them down on a side table in the
hallway, and then put his arm around her shoulders like he was comforting her.
He walked her to his house, less than five minutes away. When they got inside
he pinched his fingers around her shoulder making her gasp with pain. He
slapped her face hard and told her he would hurt her if she misbehaved. Then he
pushed her to her knees and unbuttoned his pants.
“Get it out,” he ordered.
She did as he asked and released his genitals with the barest amount of
touching possible. She stroked him and his head went back and he closed his
eyes. She took the opportunity to free her switchblade from its hiding place in
her belt. When he leered down at her she struck and cut off his balls. He
hardly noticed at first, the blade was so sharp, but the rapid blood loss left
him woozy. He passed out. She left him and ran back to the house she used to
share with Joel.
                                     *****
In case she had to beat a hasty retreat, she packed all their gear: guns,
knives, hunting kit, her new crossbow, and Joel’s old recurve. Blankets, food,
personal gear and survival gear came next. Finally, luxuries, like her copy of
Station Eleven and Joel’s guitar. She bagged everything and left it on the
floor of the living room before stepping out to saddle Callous and Horse in the
lean-to stable Joel had built attached to the house.
Everything prepared she went into her house breaking kit and grabbed her
hammer. Last night, everything in his bearing had said Tommy knew where they
had taken Joel. He never could lie for shit. She ran to the bungalow he shared
with Maria. She would be out, busy governing but after a hectic night Tommy
would still be asleep. She entered silently and had Tommy bound before he even
woke up. She pointed her pistol at him and ordered him into the garage where
she seated him on a chair.
“Tell me where he is Tommy.”
“No! No fucking way. If he’s done what the good doctor says he has then he
should stay there and rot.”
“Don’t fuck around Tommy. Tell me where he is or I’ll start breaking fingers.”
His face appeared utterly incredulous. Until she hit his left index finger with
the full force her body could muster. He screamed and she moved closer.
“Tell me, or I’ll kill you,” she said, calmly.
“No Ellie, I won’t do it.”
She had to break two more fingers before he cracked and told her where to find
him. When she realised he had left his brother to die she broke the rest of his
fingers in her rage.
She sprinted home at a dead run, loaded up the horses and trotted to the main
gate. At the gate she levelled Joel’s sawn-off shotgun in the face of Mark, the
gate-guard today and told him if he didn’t open the gate for her, she’d blow
his head off. News was getting round about Cole bleeding out and while he might
face some ridicule for being intimidated by a teenager, he preferred staying
alive to the alternative.
                                     *****
There were two letters, one addressed to Ellie and one to Tommy. She figured
since she wouldn’t be seeing that spineless prick any time soon, she would read
both. It might have been Tommy that had told her how to find this place, but he
could have done more. He could have stuck up for his brother, could have gotten
him all his gear, could’ve fought for them shoving him out the gate rather than
dumping him here in this death-trap, two days ride away without anything
including his damn boots. Probably could have gotten them to rein in on the
beating as well. Some things aren’t forgivable.
She had ridden solidly for a day and a half to get here. It must have felt
dreadfully like a bit over a year ago to Callous, the horse she had stolen all
those months ago. She had switched horses twice, once in at sundown and again
at sunrise. She got to the derelict town in the late afternoon and rode
straight for the house Tommy had screamed that they had left Joel. She picked
up the folded stack of pages with her name on first. She took a deep breath,
trying to steel herself for what she would find, and began to read:
My darlin’ Ellie,
Nothing could soften the blow of what you’re about to read, and for that I’m
sorry. We both knew it was likely I’d die before you, but I’m truly sorry that
it’s after so short a time together. You know those comics you read, their
slogan, “Endure and Survive”. That was enough for me before I met you. But
since then it has been like that book you read. Station 11, I think. They say
in that that “Survival is Insufficient” and when you first told me I thought
you were crazy. Some years that was all that there was in front of me. But
since we’ve been living together, I get it. It’s not enough to survive if
there’s no softness in your life. That’s you: you make my life softer and I’ve
been grateful for it every damn day. I loved you with everything that I had.
I’m so sorry it’s ending like this.
It was probably Tommy that brought you this letter. I know he knew where I was
because he gave me some of my stuff. Please try not to be too hard on him. It
can’t have been easy for him, trying to figure out how to help me. Whatever he
says to do with my body: leave it where it is or burn it or whatever, do as he
says. Ellie, I mean it. I trust him, you should to.
I love you, forever and always.
Joel.
Ellie realised early in the letter that Joel planned to kill himself, which
wasn’t surprising, considering everything that she knew about the man. He’d
said before that he wouldn’t be able to get over her dying if she had. She also
realised with a gasp that he must have written to Tommy where he planned to
die. She read Tommy’s letter fast, hoping she had enough time.
Tommy,
You fucking prick, of course you’ll look after Ellie. No matter what you think
about me, and you’ve made your thoughts on that pretty fucking clear, the girl
has done nothing wrong. As for rape and incest and all that bullshit I’ve been
sent here for: go fuck yourself. I’d never touch Ellie, touch any woman that
way and you know it.
I’m onlywriting to you because I’d rather my loving brother found my body and
not the love of my life. She’s suffered enough in her life and it seems to me
you could stand to suffer a little more for your sins.
The house is five streets away South, two over West. It’s the 4th house in the
block, on the left as you travel south. Can’t miss it, got a huge chunk of roof
missing. At the very least, come see me so you can Ellie the truth of how I
died.
Joel
Ellie took off, first sprinting back to the horses while she folded the pages
and tucked them into her coat, and then on horseback, half-hoping, half-praying
to a God she didn’t believe in that somehow she would be in time.
She rode down the street at close to a gallop paying no attention to anything
other than reaching Joel in time. She reached the right block, jumped from the
horse into the yard of the right house. She was just walking to the door when
she heard the shot.
“JOEL!” she screamed, falling to her knees.
“Ellie, stay there, I’m coming down.”
She could have sworn she heard him, but grief turned her vision swimming with
tears and her hearing faded out. Someone put their arms around her, and stroked
her back. They were speaking in a soft, soothing tone she found familiar. She
buried her head in their chest and wept, until she sucked in a deep breath
through the shirt and recognised the smell of the man holding her. She dashed
the tears from her eyes.
“Joel?”
“I’m not hurt,” he said. “Clicker was tracking you.”
He pointed at the corpse of a clicker between them and the horses. She kissed
him with everything she had, pouring each of the overwhelming emotions of the
last two days into his mouth. Everything she gave, he returned.
“What now?” he asked when they finally broke apart.
“We can’t go back to Jackson. Don’t think we’ll be welcome after what I did
your prick of a brother.”
“What did you do to Tommy?” he asked.
“He wouldn’t tell me where you were. So I broke every single one of his
fingers.”
“Fuck, Ellie,” he said, shocked. “Well, I did teach you how to get information
people didn’t want to give you.”
“You did,” she said, nuzzling at his bearded chin.
“We need to go,” he suggested.
“Yeah. And Joel, if you ever think about killing yourself again, I’ll fucking
murder you.”
Chapter End Notes
     So, there you have it. Twenty chapters of Joellie. My first fan-fic,
     totally unbetaed so if you spot mistakes then I would love you to
     point them out.
     I have no idea what possessed me to write a fanfic almost entirely
     from the point of view of a man (which I'm not) twenty years or more
     older than me. Hopefully that discomfort doesn't shine through too
     much in my writing.
     Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Please leave a comment if you
     did, I'd love to hear from you. Thanks for reading.
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