Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1488109.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Homestuck
  Relationship:
      John_Egbert/Karkat_Vantas
  Character:
      John_Egbert, Karkat_Vantas
  Additional Tags:
      #Smut, #fluff, #facepalm_warning, #these_two_are_such_incredible_dorks,
      #sexy_silly_smut, Plot_What_Plot/Porn_Without_Plot, Plot?_What_plot?_I
      see_no_plot!, #Just_really_fluffy_smut, also_lots_of_Karkat_being_self-
      depricating, isn't_he_always?
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-04-19 Words: 6695
****** One Does Not Simply Flirt With Karkat Vantas ******
by maria_j_harper
Summary
     So this is based entirely off of this amazing roleplay I participated
     in a while back which I unfortunately did not get to finish. Even so,
     there were some great moments, and I wanted to share them, and so a
     fanfic was born!
     Basically, John is feeling really horny right now, and he decides to
     finally tell Karkat his feelings towards him. Really, really fluffy,
     sexy, and also pretty funny (I think).
Notes
     If YOU are the person who did this RP with me, playing as
     horny!ectobiologist, then please contact me so I can credit you as a
     co-author! (I changed some stuff, I hope that's okay.)
     Otherwise, brace yourself for some facepalms, because seriously...
     look at these hopeless dorks.
     This isn't explicitly underage, but John and Karkat are both minors
     in cannon and I figured I'd tag it just in case.
See the end of the work for more notes
John stood outside Karkat’s door. Deep breaths, windy boy. His hand went to
knock on the door, stopped, dropped to his side. No. He couldn’t chicken out
now.
He’d been having those dreams again. The Karkat dreams. Just thinking about his
adorably snarky troll friend was enough to make his palms ache. Ache to touch
him, hold him... Yeah, he had it bad.
And today John was finally going to say it. It was time. Time to risk it all,
bet the farm, and put all his cards on the table. But first he had to find the
courage to knock.
Karkat heard a knock at the door. He put down the ~ATH book he had been reading
and went to answer it. John stood outside the door with a sort of nervous look
about him. Karkat’s brow knit together in confusion. John had visited Karkat
before, movie night was kind of a regular thing for them now, but this time
something was different. He smelled kind of strange.
Fuck, there he was. Okay Egbert, stay calm, you’ve gotta play it cool. “Hey
Karkitty.”
Karkat scowled at him. “John, what is the meaning of this nickname? I expect
this sort of thing from Nepeta or Dave, but I thought you, at least, were
better than that.”
“What?” John said with his trademark buck-toothed grin and a casual tone. “It’s
cute! Like you.”
Even as Karkat stood aside to permit him entrance to the house, he snarled at
his guest. “I am not cute.”
“Yes you are, you’re adorable.” John made his way to the living room, but
instead of flopping down on the couch as per usual, he stopped and turned
towards Karkat. Dave’s advice echoed in his mind. Okay, remember, when it comes
to all things romance you just gotta ask yourself: What would a Strider do?
“Hey Karkat, are you the Knight of blood?”
“I suppose that is the heroic title that I have in no way earned, yes.” Karkat
growled.
“Because when I’m around you my blood pressure rises.” John gave what he hoped
was a suggestive smile.
“Wait what?” Karkat said, startled. What the fuck was going on here? If he
didn’t know any better, he’d say that Egbert was flirting with him. Of course
that was impossible. There were so, so many reasons why that was not the thing
that was happening here.
“You know what else rises?” John asked, leaning forward.
Karkat took a step back. “No.”
“My dick.”
“I do NOT know what that is, nor do I want to.” Karkat said, taking another
step back.
“My bulge.” John translated.
“What? No. No.” Karkat said emphatically. Hormones. That was why John smelled
strange. He was a veritable cocktail of human hormones.
“Yes.”
“John, have you been drinking some of Rose’s sopoforics?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?” Karkat asked skeptically. “You’re acting nothing like
yourself.”
“Yes, I’m pretty sure.” Karkat was right, he had been an idiot to think that
would work. Why the hell had he asked Strider for romantic advice anyways?
“Oh, I know! It’s that prankster holiday! Wait... No, that’s April First isn’t
it?”
“I’m not pranking you!” John protested, a little indignantly.
“Then why the hell are you talking like that?”
“Because you’re nice and funny and cute.” Yes, honesty was the best policy.
There you go Egderp, just be yourself.
“No, I’m really not.”
“Yes you are!”
“I am NOT nice! I gave your universe cancer for gog’s sake!”
“Karkat, shoosh.”
“Do not shoosh me, you infuriating, quadrant blurring steaming pile of moist
lusus offal!”
“You can’t blame yourself for that. You’ve got to stop making everything your
fault.”
“Everything IS my fault! I’ll keep blaming myself, and you can’t stop me!”
“Shoosh.”
“Okay, stop it! I have a moirail, and this amount of pale flirting is just
obscene! In fact you do not get to do any kind of flirting until you learn to
do it properly!”
“So how do I do it properly?” John asked grinning.
“Well for pale flirting-”
“Actually... I was wondering more about red flirting.” John didn’t normally
like to interrupt people, but if Karkat got going on a quadrant rant he would
never stop.
“Well... compliments are a good start, but if you move straight on to a lewd
joke the way you did then you just look like a douche.”
“Okay, sorry.” John said.
“The better next step is to start finding reasons to touch them- who ever it is
you’re flirting with. Sit next to them so your knees touch, fix their hair,
that sort of thing. Listen to their rants, laugh at their dumb jokes, make them
feel like the only person in the world.”
“Okay, thanks! You see, you are nice!”
“Really? At what point was I ever nice to you John? That advice does not count,
I was merely doing the whole world a little fucking favor.”
“That sounds like a nice thing to me! Aside from that, well... um... you’ve
helped me a lot, and you didn’t really mean any of the mean things you said did
you?”
“...No. Apart from you being a giant dork, I actually think you’re pretty
cool.” Karkat admitted.
“See?”
“But I still said them. Just because I didn’t mean the things I said, that
doesn’t make them unsaid.”
“Yeah, but I knew you were just blowing steam!” John said, in a tone that some
might have called affectionate. Not that Karkat was one of those people.
“I still refuse to believe that “nice” is a descriptor I qualify for. You’re
nice. Maybe, if I’d been a nice leader like you, things wouldn’t have gone as
wrong as they did.” Karkat leaned himself against the living room wall.
“Karkat, you’ve got to stop blaming yourself for everything!” John argued.
Karkat pretended he hadn’t spoken. “Take the thing with Gamzee for example, you
probably would have been nice to him from the beginning. If you were in my
place, you probably would have been able to calm him down before all that shit
with the chucklevoodoos even transpired. You see? If you look at it long
enough, sooner or later everything that’s gone wrong is my gog damn fault.”
And then, as though it were never even there to begin with John closed the gap
between them, leaned down and kissed Karkat. Bucked teeth collided with dull
fangs in his inexperienced rush.
Karkat pushed away, mind racing. “What the hell did you do that for?” He
snarled, showing his fangs.
This was not okay. Johns were not allowed to kiss Karkats. None of the Johns.
None of them. That just wasn’t how their messed up frog universe worked. Johns
were supposed to go find nice Vriskas or Roxies or... who ever made them happy,
and Karkats were supposed to be alone. That was how it was supposed to go.
John’s gaze had dropped, as though after the boldness of the kiss he was now
extra shy. “Isn’t that what you do when you have red feelings toward someone?”
He inquired, blue eyes looking up through dark lashes.
“You? Me? Red feelings? No. No no!” Karkat said, head spinning.
“...Why not?”
“Because you deserve way, way better. No. I am a controlling, self-hating
asshole, who deserves absolutely shit, and you need to just not, okay? You must
just be confused. Look at you! You’re a human cocktail of hormones and
pheromones. You are just confused and horny, and you’ll take it all back
tomorrow. And don’t even try to deny that you’re horny by the way, I can smell
it. You’re like a musclebeast in heat.”
“Shoosh.”
“Gog damn you Egbert, with your quadrant blurring antics and your pan-rotted
pranks, and coming in for that kiss so fast your freaky teeth practically made
me lose a fang! I swear, do I have to teach you how to kiss properly too?”
Karkat raged.
“Yes.”
Oh. Fuck. He had actually said that.
Fuck.
Well... it’s just a kiss, right? Karkat closed his eyes and kissed John softly,
having to crane his neck slightly due to their height difference. John kissed
him back, and his bloodpusher temporarily forgot to function. Yeah. This was
what he had been afraid of. He hadn’t been scared of kissing John, he’d been
scared of how much he’d wanted to kiss John. Gog, he’d really done it now! But
he was enjoying it too much to stop. Eventually, he pulled away. The kiss must
have messed with his head, because the next thing he said was “Well that
was...” Nice, he wanted to say, really nice. “A start. I think we’ll need more
practice.” What the hell? Where the hell had that come from?
But suddenly he didn’t care because John’s mouth was on his again, and thinking
became very difficult. And just when Karkat thought that things couldn’t get
any more bizarre, John backed away, looked him in the eye, and said with utter
sincerity “I love you.”
“Oh.” Karkat felt like a deer caught in headlights. His head was racing a
hundred miles an hour, but he couldn’t make anything come out of his mouth. His
bloodpusher was pumping so fast he could feel it in his hands. “Uh... I.” What
was he even supposed to say? He was supposed to say something about how he felt
right? That the feeling was mutual? Was it? It must be, right? He wouldn’t be
acting like a pan-rotted grub if it wasn’t. “I think-” But was that really
grounds enough to say the words? Yes. No. Maybe? Fuck. “I think I love you
too.” He finally managed. He felt himself blushing, redder than a beet.
“Sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
“That was a pretty shit response. Only marginally better than a negative one
really.”
John looked a bit confused. “What are you saying exactly?”
Karkat turned away from him and massaged his brow. “I’m saying that those rom-
coms I like so much are pretty much shit because here I am in a situation where
they might be useful and I’m acting like a think-sponge stunted loser!” Karkat
growled.
John giggled. “You’re adorable.”
“Yeah right. John, of all the descriptors that may apply to me, adorable sure
as fuck isn’t one of them.” Karkat snarled. He was tempted to mention being
“adorabloodthirsty” but no... that had been his and Terezi’s thing. It would be
weird to turn it into his and John’s thing. What ever the fuck this thing with
Egbert was, it wasn’t a rebound. John deserved better than that. Instead he
added “I’m about as adorable as creepy-as-shit Equius.”
John just giggled some more.
“Wait, shit isn’t that creepy. Creepy as the shit you shat a month ago, covered
in mold and sewer debris and no, now that’s just gross.”
“Ew.” John agreed through his laughter.
“Well it’s finally happened! I have failed in the art of the extended graphic
metaphor. My failure brings shame to my ancestor and the lusus that raised me.
I’m sorry John, I have no choice now but to throw myself on my own scythe, like
the old slampoets of yore.” Karkat said dramatically.
“Karkat, no, don’t!”
“It was a fucking joke. Now you see why I refute your claims that I am
‘funny’.” Karkat said, putting sarcastic air quotes around the word “funny.”
John giggled and began kissing him again, pressing Karkat’s back gently against
the wall. Karkat, with only a bit of hesitation, flicked out his tongue,
moistening John’s lips as they parted for him and he explored John’s mouth. The
troll’s black tongue brushed against the human’s prominent white teeth.
Eventually, Karkat spoke, mumbling in between kisses. “I suppose we should
probably go... do leaderly things. I could write a memo... that no one takes
seriously. Nah.”
“We could watch a movie.” John suggested.
“Yeah, okay.”
“How about Con Air?”
“I thought you hated that movie now.”
“Yeah.” John had kind of forgotten that he’d outgrown that movie. He was so
used to it being his go-to flick. “Well, what about a rom-com?”
“The ones we just established were shit? Sure, why not. Just pick whatever one
you want, I’ve seen them all a hundred times each anyways.” Karkat grumbled.
“Let’s see... what about Failure to Launch?”
“No, not that one.” Karkat said like the contradictory controlling little shit
he wa-
“Okay, Hitch then?”
John... really didn’t seem to care that Karkat had told him “pick whatever” and
then shot down his very first suggestion. Wow. Karkat felt a rush of affection
toward his... friend? Human boyfriend? Matesprit? Whatever he was, he made
Karkat’s bloodpusher suddenly feel like it was made out of cotton candy, fluffy
and melty at the same time. He realized he was supposed to respond. He
shrugged. “Far be it from me to deny the talents of Troll Will Smith.” He said
casually. It was funny, he’d seen trolls turn into giggling fools around their
matesprits. He was surprised at how normal he was acting. He was acting exactly
how he normally did on movie nights with John.
He went and found the movie grub and plugged it into the television set on the
other side of the living room. He let himself plop down on the couch and used
the remote control to make the movie start. John sat down next to him.
It was just like usual. Normally this was around the time that Karkat, since
he’d seen it before, would get up while the movie played to make popcorn. He
might have even gone and done it, if John hadn’t started kissing him again.
Practice was definitely paying off. John had the makings of a great kisser
really, though perhaps Karkat was a little biased on the subject. He broke his
mouth away from John’s, laying kisses across his round cheek, making his way up
to just below the temple. He leaned in to murmur in John’s ear. “I love you.”
He was sure of that now. Who else could make his heart feel like cotton candy?
“I love you too.”
“It feels weird to say that.” Karkat pondered. “I guess because I’ve never
really said it before. I’ll just have to keep saying it until I get used to
it.”
“Yep.”
Karkat stayed at John’s ear for a moment. It was strange, the little things he
fixated on. “Your cartilage nubs are really small, even for a human.” He
commented, reaching his hand up to play with the ear, brushing over the tip
with his index finger.
“Your nubs are pretty small too for a troll!” John pointed out.
Karkat sat back, nudging his companion with his elbow. “Yeah, well I’m a
mutant, what’s your excuse?”
John giggled, but then became more serious, moving towards Karkat slightly.
“Can I touch them?”
Karkat shrugged. “Sure.”
John reached toward Karkat’s head with his hand, but instead of going to touch
his ears, his hand traveled further upward and brushed against one of Karkat’s
horns. Karkat immediately flailed, taking John’s hand away from his head by
hitting his arm against his and knocking it away.
“What the fuck Egbert, I thought we were talking about auditory orifice nubs
here! I thought I made that very clear!” He snarled.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to- I’m really sorry.” John said contritely. Shit,
he’d screwed up bad. He’d violated Karkat’s trust. He tried to gauge how angry
Karkat was.
Karkat took a deep breath. “You don’t have to be sorry. You caught me by
surprise, that’s all. ...You can touch them if you want.” After all, it was
only natural for John to be curious. Karkat had just overreacted. Right?
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, just be really gentle, okay? They’re really sensitive because they’re so
small.” Karkat clearly remembered the pain of scratching the tip of his horn on
the roof of a small cave once, a cave that his lusus had shoved him into when
Her Majesty’s Culling Drones came by for a hive inspection. The raw spot had
lasted for three weeks before it healed over.
John reached up and ran his fingers over the outside edge of one horn, touch so
feather light it was hardly there. Karkat squirmed, elbowing John. “Fuck! Okay,
not that gentle Egbert, that tickles!” He said, showing his fangs again. “I do
not like getting tickled.” He added venomously. Then he did a facepalm times
one combo. “Why did I tell you that? Well now I know what I’m getting for April
Idiot’s Day! Lots. And lots. Of tickles.”
“Yup.” John beamed at him and gave him a quick kiss on the mouth. Then he tried
touching Karkat’s horn again, this time making solid, yet gentle contact. The
surface of his horn was slippery-smooth like marble, but much warmer and
lighter feeling than marble was. Curiously, he stroked it a few times, then let
his fingers follow it down into Karkat’s mess of hair, exploring where the base
of his horn met his scalp.
Karkat was glad that John couldn’t see his face. His eyelids fluttered as he
let out a quiet sigh of pleasure. Some part of him took a moment to marvel at
this. He was known for being the most sexually repressed of his friends. Yet
somehow he, Karkat, whose reaction to seeing a bucket was to have a mental
breakdown, was allowing someone to touch his horns. Not just someone. John
Egbert, Egderp, prank master supreme was stroking his horns. In a way, he might
add, that was making his nook tingle. It must be love.
“You know, Karkat, your horns look like candy corn.”
“What the fuck is candy corn?” Karkat demanded, though his usual demeanor was
difficult to maintain. John had stopped rubbing his horns, and it took him a
moment to return to reality. “Does it have something to do with grain vegetable
on a cob?” Karkat usually left the aristocratic words like “corn” to the high-
bloods.
“It’s a candy!”
“Why is it called candy corn?”
“It looks kind of like corn I guess.”
“So my horns look like grain vegetables? Oh seduce me with your sweet-talk, you
Casa-fucking-nova.”
“No. It’s difficult to explain. They’re triangular, with three colors: reddish
at the bottom, orange in the middle, and yellow at the top. Like you horns.”
“Oh. Well I doubt that my horns taste like candy of any kind, though I don’t
know for sure.”
John’s eyes sparkled mischieviously. “I suppose there’s only one way to find
out. You know, in the name of Ectobiology.” He shifted his body so he could
reach his head up and lick Karkat’s horn carefully.
Karkat couldn’t help it, he moaned softly. Immediately, John stopped. “Sorry.”
Karkat found himself saying. “That just felt... really nice. You don’t have to
keep doing it if you don’t want to.” He added.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“Well... it did feel really, really good, but you can if you want to. We can
stop right here and just kiss some more and watch the movie and I wouldn’t hold
it against you.” Karkat promised, even though his now fully awakened libido
begged to differ.
John hesitated. He really hadn’t thought about how far he’d wanted this to go
and clearly it had already gone farther than he’d meant it to. But why not? He
really wanted to make Karkat happy, to see Karkat happy. Deliberately, he
licked Karkat’s horn lengthways from base to tip. Karkat sucked in his breath
sharply and let out a shaky sigh through his mouth. “They don’t taste like
candy corn.” John observed. The horns didn’t really taste like anything, though
the texture was pleasant on his tongue.
“Yeah?” Karkat challenged, smiling despite himself. He turned his face upward
so he could make a long lick the side of John’s face, starting at the corner of
his jaw and ending at his temple. “Well your ridiculous pink skin doesn’t taste
like cotton candy either.” With that, he settled himself against John, head
resting on his chest.
John began licking one of Karkat’s horns, and Karkat moaned again, pressing his
body closer. “You know, we’re missing the movie.” Karkat pointed out.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No.”
“I love you Kit-Kat.” John mumbled into Karkat’s hair.
“And I love you, Egderp.” Karkat said with a slight smile. Stop the presses,
Karkat was smiling! “But... why? The last I heard you were ‘not a homosexual.’
Whatever that means.”
John grimaced ruefully. “Yeah. A lot of humans- not me, but some, have this
idea in their head that since only a girl and a guy can make a kid, it’s wrong
for people to have feelings for those of the same gender.”
“That’s really fucking stupid.”
“I know. I always I was fine with those sorts of people, as long as they
weren’t me. But eventually, as I got to know you and you taught me about how
your society works, I kind of came to realize that gender is a really stupid
thing to restrict who you can or can’t love. Though it took me a while to admit
it to myself, I realized I love you. You just... make me really happy Karkat.”
Karkat snorted. “Have you seen me around you? It’s really hard for me to stay
grumpy around you. You’re going to ruin my whole image Egbert! People will see
me and say “Who is that troll going around grinning like a maniacal pan-rotted
wriggler? Karkat Vantas? No! It can’t be!”
John giggled. “Yeah, well that’s just too bad then isn’t it?” He asked, leaning
in close.
Karkat kissed John with tender passion, carefully, always carefully. Humans
were different from trolls. Even dull fangs could really spoil the mood if he
accidentally hurt John. He had to be careful. He never wanted to hurt John.
Never. “Gog. You’re so... please tell me this is real.”
“Yeah, it’s real.” John smiled. Karkat at a loss for words? His heart felt like
it might burst with the affection that he felt for this crabby troll.
“It’s just... I’m not allowed to be this happy. It’s one of this fucked up
frog-verse’s fucking empirical laws. I’m not allowed to be this happy. So
either this is some kind of an elaborate fucking prank, the best dream I’ve
ever fucking had, or the whole fucking amphibian universe is about to implode.”
“Not a dream. Not a prank. I would never do that, pranks like that are just
cruel.”
“Oh. Good. Well at least I’ll die happy then.”
John chuckled. “You’re not going to die.”
They stopped talking and John began licking Karkat’s horns again. As John’s
tongue circled the tip of one horn, and then ran down the side of the other, it
triggered an aching in Karkat’s groin that made him realize that he should
shift his position before things became uncomfortable for both of them.
Wordlessly, he shifted his weight to his arms so he could spread out his legs
over John’s own. He curled up in John’s lap, head once again resting on the
taller boy’s chest.
John continued his stimulation of Karkat’s horns, and Karkat thought to himself
that John’s lack of experience was probably a good thing because he doubted he
could have handled much more than this. Hell, he could hardly take it as it
was. Fuck! It was time to switch tactics before he needed a bucket right here
and now.
He tilted his head back and kissed John on the mouth softly. “That feels really
good.” He said, voice unusually soft. “So what would feel nice for you?”
“Um I dunno, you don’t have to do anything.” John said.
“Come on Egbert, don’t make me feel like the asshole for not reciprocating.
Besides, maybe I want to, did you think of that, airhead?” Karkat demanded,
straightening his spine so he could look at John’s face. It was a very nice
face. “For example, as undoubtedly high in sucrose that godteir hoodie of yours
is, I find myself very curious about what’s under it.”
John grinned. “You want to see me without my badass windsock hoodie huh?”
“Yes. For science.”
“Well obviously.”
Somewhere in the background, the man that Troll Will Smith had been trying to
help spilled mustard on his shirt. At some point, one of the boys had
unintentionally muted the television set. Neither of them seemed to notice or
care.
Karkat changed his position so that he straddled John’s legs, facing him. He
hooked his long fingers under the hem of the hoodie and pulled it up over
John’s head with ease. Karkat was tempted to laugh. Instead he smirked. “Weirdo
human.”
“How am I a weirdo?” John demanded indignantly.
“Hm, let me count the ways.” Karkat said, making John giggle. “No vestigial
grub legs for one.” He remarked, running his hand up John’s strangely smooth
side, from his waist to his slightly prominent rib cage. “Of course I’d
probably be equally as weird to you.” He took off his own shirt.
John examined him, and brought his fingertips to three lateral marks along
Karkat’s side. “What are these?”
“That’s where my legs used to be when I was a grub.I guess they’re somewhat
equivalent to that.” Karkt said, indicating John’s bellybutton, adding, “I’m
assuming that’s the vestigial nutrient valve you humans have leftover from
nesting inside your mothers. But... what the fuck are these things?” He added,
pointing to one of the two strange growths over John’s pectoral muscles. They
were small and round and pink. Just then, the cold of the air after the warmth
of the hoodie made both nipples contract, puckering so that their tips became
jutting points in a little circle of pink goosebumps.
“Oh. those are my nipples.”
“John, please stop trying to tell me things by using words I don’t understand.”
Karkat said in a tone that sounded like he was trying to keep his temper.
“Sorry. Well on girls they’re for feeding babies, but... on guys they don’t
really do anything.”
“And you ask me why I say you’re weird! Nipples? Even the word is weird!”
Karkat could have said more, but the weirdness of the mammal that nurtures its
child from within was a discussion for another day. He flicked the tip of one
nipple with one finger curiously.
John giggled, looking a bit embarrassed. “Yeah, I guess so. They’re really
sensitive, like your horns.”
“Like my horns? So... if I did this it would feel kind of good?” Karkat took
his hand and rubbed it over John’s pectoral, brushing his nipple with the palm
of his hand.
“Y-yeah.” John said, voice shaky. It in fact, felt really good. It was as
though there was some kind of string connecting his chest and his groin, and
Karkat had tugged on it, hard.
“And if I did this?” Karkat inquired, running his tongue over John’s nipple.
John let out a gasp. “F-fuck! Karkat!” He moaned his lover’s name.
Karkat hesitated. Was that moan one of pleasure? It was hard to tell. “Do you
want me to stop?” He worried.
“Um. If you want to.”
Karat licked John’s nipple again. John groaned. Karkat switched to John’s other
nipple, licking it once, and then taking into experimentally in his mouth.
John’s hips bucked as a bolt of pleasure ran through his body like fire, so hot
it almost felt cold. “K-Karkat!” He reached a hand up to massage one of
Karkat’s horns, running his tongue over the other. Pleasure made his licks a
bit sloppy, then stop for a moment as Karkat sucked gently on his nipple and oh
god, he moaned so loudly he thought that they could probably hear it all the
way in the dreambubbles.
Presented with an idea, John did to Karkat’s horn what had just been done to
him. As he slipped his mouth over the striped horn, Karkat let out a long, low
sigh that turned into a moan, which then turned into a cry of pleasure as John
sucked on Karkat’s horn. “Oh......nnh...Ah! Oh gog, John! Ha! Unfff-fuck!”
Karkat exclaimed, whole body wriggling slightly at the sensation. Then he
stopped. “John. Your bulge seems to have uh... taken an ardent interest in my
leg.” Karkat’s face was as red as it could get, color spreading from the tips
of his ears all the way down into his neck.
John stopped, blushing as well. “Sorry.”
“No need to apologise.” Karkat said, unable to maintain eye contact in his
embarrassment. “Things have been getting pretty intense. It’s a perfectly
natural to have a...” Gog, he couldn’t even say it. “Man reaction.”
That made John smile. Karkat loved his dorky smile. His teeth, which had at
first seemed like a flaw, Karkat now found absolutely adorable. “Yeah, but it’s
embarrassing.”
Karkat found himself smiling- for the second time that day! This had to be some
kind of record! -To make John feel better. “Why? I’ve had one for a while now,
I just tried not to let you notice because I didn’t want to freak you out.”
Karkat admitted.
“Why would I be freaked out?”
“You practically had a heart attack when you realized what you were doing by
touching my horns, don’t tell me you wouldn’t be a little freaked out if our
current positions were reversed.”
“...Maybe. At first. I’d get over it though.”
Karkat kissed John on the mouth, then traced a trail of kisses right down the
center of his chest, all the way down to his stomach. He licked each nipple
sensually, and then brought his mouth back to John’s lips, savoring the
sensation of his soft open mouth. “I love you. A lot. I want to just.... kiss
you everywhere and just.... What was the word? Humans had this really great
word for it. Way better than anything trolls have got. Oh yeah, I remember now.
John, if you draw the line then I won’t cross it until you want me to, I swear.
But right now I just really, really want to make love to you.” Karkat held
John’s blue eyes in his own golden ones.
“Yeah. I want to make love to you too.” They smiled at each other and kissed,
lovingly, hungrily.
“Oh. Good.” Karkat managed to say. Their mouths stayed glued to each other,
even as Karkat raised himself up to his knees so he could slip out of his
pants. Then his head traveled down to lick at John’s nipples.
“Hey Karkat?”
“Yes?” Karkat did his best to keep the worry out of his voice, but he couldn’t
keep his paranoid thoughts at bay. He’s worried things are going too fast. He’s
changed his mind. He’s sleepy, he has a headache, he has to go renovate
cantown, or else... he’s in love with someone else after all.
“You want to go up to the bedroom?”
Right. The spare bedroom, across the hall from Karkat’s respiteblock, used
frequently when John fell asleep watching a movie at his house, and had to be
carried up to the double bed before the couch could inflict too much damage to
his spine. Probably a much better location than where they were now. Of course.
...And the award for fewer brains than a retarded cluckbeast goes to... Karkat
Vantas!
“Yeah. Let’s do that.”
Karkat got up and picked up the discarded clothing. He turned off the
television on his way to the stairs. John followed him up to the guest room,
where Karkat tossed the clothes into the laundry basket in the corner. He
turned to John, who was smiling at him. “What? I don’t like leaving shit lying
around.” He explained.
John giggled. They both sat on the foot of the neatly made bed and began to
kiss. Brief smooches turned into lingering kisses, which in turn lead Karkat to
explore John’s mouth with his tongue. Eventually he spoke. “You know,” He said,
voice breathy. “It seems a bit unfair, you with your pants still on and me here
in nothing but my underwear. Perhaps we had better errect this situation.”
John broke away, bending over laughing. “Oh my fucking god.”
“Fuck. Correct. I meant correct. Correct the situation. Is what we’d better
do.”
John gave Karkat a teasing lopsided grin. “You’re going to ‘errect’ the
situation are you?”
Karkat shrugged. Two could play at the teasing game. Assuming his Freudian slip
didn’t attack again. “Well I figured as long as we’re both here we might as
well inbulge. Fuck. Indulge. Gog damn it!”
“Oh my fucking god.” John repeated, now laughing uncontrollably.
What was it about John Egbert that brought out Karkat’s tendency to say these
things? He facepalmed, exasperation great enough to allow for a times two
combo. “I’m just going to stop talking now.” He quietly removed John’s pijama-
like pants. Both boys sat there at the foot of the bed in nothing but their
underwear. Karkat resisted making a comment about John’s ghostbuster boxers. He
had just promised to keep his idiotic nutrition trap shut after all.
John leaned forward and kissed the side of Karkat’s head. Karkat looked up at
him, and a small smile of gratitude flickered on his lips before he pulled John
into a long kiss. “Karkat, You’re adorable. You are the adorablest. It is you.”
Karkat continued kissing John, but couldn’t help retorting. “Yeah, see, I have
empirical evidence that the opposite of that is the thing that is true, if only
because, if one of us were to be labeled ‘adorable,’ it would definitely be
you. Oh look at that! I made a rhyme! It had a fucking rhythm scheme and
everything!”
John shook his head, grinning playfully. “I’m not adorable, I’m manly as fuck.”
He said a little indignantly.
“John, the word fuck does not provide sufficient manly characteristics to
provide any kind of analogy in this situation, you know that right?”
“It’s a figure of speech.”
“Fine, whatever, just kiss me.” Karkat kissed John, breathing in the smell of
him. Again, he was really struck with just how much he loved this boy. “I don’t
know ho humans work, so if you want me to do something different you’re going
to have to tell me, okay?” He murmured.
“Okay.”
As their tongues slid together, Karkat allowed one hand to travel over John’s
nipple, over his abdominal muscles, down to the waistband of his underwear. He
hesitated, then when John made no move to stop him, he slid his hand into
John’s underwear and stroked the tips of his fingers along his dick.
John broke their kiss to let out a moan. “F-fuck, Karkat!”
Taking this as a good sign, Karkat reached farther in to wrap his fingers
around John’s dick and stroked him again, elliciting another moan. Karkat
nuzzled John’s chin until his mouth found the human’s, and kissed him lovingly.
Together, they lied out on the bed, kissing. Karkat’s hand left John’s groin,
making him give a small cry of protest.
Together, they worked to remove John’s underwear, freeing his erection from its
cotton confines. Karkat stopped to look at John’s naked body in its entirety.
Then he gave Jonh a small smile and moved in to kiss his waiting mouth.
“You know,” Karkat said, “I figured this would be the weirdest part, but
somehow... it’s perfect. You’re perfect.”
John smiled at him. “I think you’re perfect too.”
Even as Karkat ran his hands over John’s body in its perfect weirdness, he
snorted. “Yeah right, more like not.”
“Shoosh.”
“John, I love you, but you really have to stop shooshing me. My moirail never
used to be the jealous type, but that was before he became a crazy murder
clown.”
“I’ll stop shooshing you when you stop blaming yourself for every single
thing.”
“John, I’m the leader. That means that anything that goes wrong, or could have
gone wrong and did go wrong in another timeline, is inherently my fault.” This
is stupid. Why are you arguing with him when you could be kissing him? Karkat
asked himself.
“No, it’s really not.”
“I think we’re just going to have to agree to disagree on this one.” And before
he could protest further, Karkat kissed John tenderly. Carefully, always
carefully, he caressed John’s dick, setting a slow tempo to his rhythmic
strokes.
“F-fuck, Karkat!”
Karkat smiled in the kiss and moved his mouth down so his tongue could run over
John’s nipple. John moaned loudly, and he reached up to stroke Karkat’s horns.
His hand settled on one, while his soft mouth found the other.
Karkat wanted him so much it hurt, and he couldn't hold back much longer. He
removed his horns from John’s grasp so he could kiss him on the mouth. Then he
got off the bed and stood so he could remove his underwear. His bulge writhed
with extreme arousal, and his nook felt slippery wet as he walked back towards
the bed. As much as it would kill him to stop now, he had to check.
“What I said still stands. We can stop any time, just say the word.”
“Why would I do that?” John asked, eyes full of love and desire.
Karkat crawled over the bed until he straddled John and leaned in to kiss him.
“I don’t know, weird, scary alien bulge?” First times could be scary, Karkat
had heard, and this was definitely a first, for both of them. Just because
Karkat wasn't scared didn't mean John wouldn't be.
John quieted his worries with an enthusiastic kiss. Deliberately, Karkat moved
his hips so that John’s dick slid toward his nook. He pressed himself down onto
John’s dick, and both boys issued a moan. Lifting himself up, and then lowering
himself down, Karkat slowly built up friction between himself and his partner.
John’s enraptured face changed to one of surprise as Karkat’s prehensile bulge
found its way around to his ass. Carefully, Karkat watched John’s face as his
bulge entered him gingerly. He kept the rhythm with his body, picking up the
pace a little. His pulge pulsed and throbbed, until it found what it was
looking for.
Abandoning all reservations, John cried out in pleasure, shouting Karkat’s
name. Faster now, faster, and John’s hips bucked up to meet Karkat’s thrusts
and grinding. They were inside each other, and it was wonderful and sweet and
perfect, and oh god, they were both panting hard in anticipation, gasping and
moaning in unison. John came first, and Karkat rushed to un-captchalog a
bucket, lifting himself up onto his knees, moving it between his legs just in
time to catch the slurry. Re-captchaloging it almost immediately, he collapsed
on top of John, snuggling into his chest with a little hum of contentment.
“Hi” John said. With his ear next to the boy’s chest, Karkat could hear his
vocal cords vibrate as he spoke.
“Hey fuckwad.” Karkat greeted back.
“So, how are you today.”
“Good. Fucking great in fact.”
“One might even say you were...”
“Oh gog, you’re about to make a horrible pun aren’t you?”
“Vantastic.”
“I hate you.”
John gasped, as though scandalized. “Why Karkat, I never expected such brazen
calligenous solicitation from the likes of you!”
“How do you even have the energy to move your idiotic mouth? I’m ready to just
lie here for about a week.” Karkat snarled weakly. Despite his surly banter,
drowsy contentment washed over him, weighing him down like a blanket of warm
snow.
“I could ask you the same question Karkitty.”
“It’s my mutant powers. Some people get strength, some people get to
shapeshift, me? I get a motormouth that can out-rant anyone this side of
paradoxspace.”
Karkat looked up at John’s face to find that the boy had fallen asleep. Gently,
he removed John’s glasses and placed them on the nightstand next to the bed.
Then he rested his head once again on John’s chest. He quietly drank in the
warmth of John’s skin and the sounds of his body’s inner workings: his heart
beating, his lungs inhaling and exhaling, and all the strange sounds that came
from his gastric system.
Slowly, Karkat drifted off into a deep, untroubled sleep.
End Notes
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