Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1074973.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      One_Direction_(Band)
  Relationship:
      Harry_Styles/Louis_Tomlinson
  Character:
      Harry_Styles, Louis_Tomlinson, Zayn_Malik, Liam_Payne, Eleanor_Calder,
      Niall_Horan
  Additional Tags:
      Incest, Rape/Non-con_Elements, Homophobia, Childhood_Sexual_Abuse, Self
      Harm, Suicide_Attempt, Zayn_Malik/Liam_Payne_-_Freeform, Eleanor_Calder/
      Original_Male_Character_-_Freeform
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-12-08 Words: 9470
****** One Day At A Time ******
by craigtrash
Summary
     Every morning, Louis wakes up in a new body. He isn’t sure why, but
     it’s all he’s ever known. What happens when he wakes up as a suicidal
     boy who works in a bakery named Harry?
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
Louis’ life wasn’t exactly what someone would consider “normal”. He didn’t have
a steady job, he didn’t have any friends or even a family, he didn’t even have
a body of his own. The only reason he even had his own name was he had a
memory, at least he assumed it was a memory, of being called that and it stuck
with him. In reality, his life wasn’t necessarily bad. He had more life
experiences than anyone could ever possibly imagine having. He’s been all over
the world and has met possibly millions of different kinds of people.
How is that possible? Every single morning, Louis wakes up in a new body. He’s
not entirely sure why, it’s just always been that way for as long as he could
remember. He may have had a life before this, that would explain why the name
Louis always floated around his head, but he didn’t remember anything of it.
Not what he looked like, not what his family was like, absolutely nothing. It
was all kind of just a guess. It was very possible he never even had a real
family.
Most would assume that this life would be a burden. He could never live his own
life; never pursue his own dreams and desires. If Louis were being completely
honest, he didn’t know if he had any. While he grew more attached to some
bodies more than others, he never liked a life long enough to want to stay, to
have a life just like them. All of his daily experiences were more than enough.
At least, that’s what he thought.
Where he ended up was completely unpredictable. One day he could wake up as a
sixteen year-old boy in American with a bad case of acne and wake up as an 85
year-old woman in Bangladesh the next. It can be rather exhausting. He could
never be prepared for what was to come and could only hope for the best.
Monday
Crash.
That’s the first thing Louis heard as his eyes opened for the first time that
morning. He rubbed his eyes and looked around the room. It was pretty boring,
he had to admit. The walls were completely bare, save for a single window on
the opposite side of the room which appeared to be nailed shut. ‘Not off to the
best start’ Louis thought to himself. There was a dresser that was cluttered
with all sort of junk and the floor had clothes scattered all over the floor.
‘Well, teenaged boy is likely’ he added before admiring his body. Lanky, pale
limbs with just a little bit of definition.
“Niall!” a voice called from the hallway. Louis had completely forgotten about
the crash that had woken him up in the first place. The voice was slurred and
laced with anger. This obviously wasn’t going to be an easy day.
Louis was honestly quite scared to move from his spot. He had been in bad
places like this before. He had dealt with drunks and drug addicts alike and
doing anything to provoke them was never a good option. He curled himself up on
the bed, trying to make himself smaller and hoping whoever the man was on the
other side would go away. A loud knock came from the door, making Louis jump in
surprise. “Get up, ye’ little shit. You’ve got school.”
Louis groaned internally. While waking up as a child or teenager wasn’t
necessarily the worst thing that could happen, he hated going to school.
Whoever had the idea to put a bunch of hormone-jacked and troubled youth into
one building was obviously on drugs. Even though he would like to opt out and
skip schooling all together, with the tone on the other side of the door, he
wasn’t going to chance it. “I’m up,” he called back and Louis wanted to laugh
at the thick Irish brogue that came out. At least he now knew where he was.
He let the body go on autopilot through it’s morning routine otherwise he knew
that he would make this poor boy, Niall, be late for school and bring him to
the wrath of the mysterious man. After a quick shower in an unsightly bathtub,
teeth brushed and a wee, Louis went down the hall quietly, hoping to avoid the
man at all cost.
The house was dark, the only light was coming from the few cracks that the
curtains provided. Luckily, Niall’s body seemed to know how to navigate the
filthy house, stepping over every piece of garbage and broken beer bottles.
When he thought he was off scot-free, he heard a grumble coming from the couch.
“Working late tonight,” the man said, his voice just as intimidating as it was
when he first heard it.
“Alright, sir,” his voice said and Louis hoped he could get the hell out of
this house and soon. The man absolutely radiated the smell of alcohol. It was
quite obvious that even now, in the early morning hour, he was drunk. Luckily,
the man didn’t seem to want to talk anymore, or wasn’t able to, Louis couldn’t
tell, so he hurried out the door with a shudder.
—-
The school day, fortunately, depending on which way you look at it, went by
quickly. Apparently Niall only had a few friends and none of them were the most
exciting bunch. ‘Probably because of his home life’ Louis thought to himself.
He did have one friend that was closer than the rest, Josh, and he seemed like
an alright lad. From what he could gather, he and Niall had been friends for
most of their lives. He asked if he wanted to come over after school, but Louis
declined. He didn’t know what to really expect when he got home and he didn’t
want to do anything to upset Niall’s father. Josh seemed to understand.
He wondered where the mother was. She was nowhere to be seen this morning and
from the little bits he could pick up from Niall, she wasn’t around. He hoped
poor Niall wasn’t left alone with his father. The boy was only fourteen and
didn’t deserve this kind of weight on his shoulders. His dipped into just the
basics of Niall’s memories and it was easy enough to find out that Niall’s
mother had died years ago from a car crash.
Niall was sitting in the back when the other driver who had passed through a
red light slammed into their car. Niall, who was only eight at the time had
broken his collarbone from the seatbelt but otherwise was fine. His mother,
however, was not so lucky. Niall called out to his mother, begging her to wake
up but to no avail. She wasn’t going to wake up and it wasn’t until a police
officer pulled him from the car did that really sink in.
Things changed at the Horan house after his mother’s death. Niall’s father
resented him for the entire thing since his mother was picking him up from
school and if it wasn’t for that, she’d still be here. It got to the point
where Niall started to believe his father and started to pull away from
everyone. Louis pulled out and sighed. He really didn’t want to see anymore.
When he arrived back at the house, there wasn’t any sign of the father which
Louis was grateful for. He walked into the kitchen, looking for any sign of
anything edible. There was hardly anything in the refrigerator. Milk that
looked like it only had a couple days left of life, a few rotten pieces of
fruit and a nearly empty thing of tomato sauce. Louis frowned as he moved to
the cupboard which was almost just as baron. There was mostly random spices and
other ingredients but luckily, way in the back, there was a box of spaghetti.
‘Looks like I know what I’m having tonight’.
He ate dinner at the small, dirty table that was cluttered with spam mail and
unopened bills before going to his room to work on whatever homework Niall was
assigned that day. He finished close to eleven before drifting off to sleep.
Louis could never figure out when it was during the night where he switched
bodies. He sometimes would fall asleep in a different time zone than he was the
last so he was never quite on a normal schedule. Whatever it was, he really
wish it would have happened sooner tonight. He was awoken by another crash and
realized quickly that he was still in Niall’s room. It was pitch black, save
from the little red numbers glowing from his bedside table which read “1:15”.
He rubbed his eyes and hoped that the man wouldn’t bother him but of course,
there wasn’t such luck.
“Niall,” he heard the man slur from down the hall. Louis brought the blanket
over his head and prayed for sleep and the man to disappear, for him to wake up
in the next body. The door opened, however, and the dark silhouette of the man
filled the doorway. No matter how much Louis prayed, he didn’t disappear. He
seemed to be stuck. “Niall,” the man repeated, stepping into the room. The
closer he got, the stronger the smell of stale alcohol filled all of his
senses, making his stomach twist uncomfortably. “You up, baby boy?”
Louis kept quite, even though it wouldn’t do anything. This obviously was a
recurring thing and he couldn’t wish it away. The man was hovering right above
the bed now, looking down at him. The smell of whiskey was overwhelming that
Louis could feel himself getting lightheaded. “Such a pretty boy,” the man
said, climbing into the bed with him now. “Pretty eyes, like your mothers.”
‘Oh god’ Louis thought. ‘This sick fuck uses his own child because his wife is
gone.’ The man stroked his face with his thick fingers and Louis wanted to cry.
Not just because he was stuck in this situation. He had dealt with a lot of bad
situations over his life and he knew he would wake up tomorrow and it would be
like this never happened. For Niall, however, this would not go away. This was
his life and Louis wanted to weep for the poor, innocent blond boy. He would
just have to tough it out and pray that it end quickly.
When it was over, Louis felt the pain rip up his spine and he could swear that
his ass was bleeding but he was scared to check. Only when the man was gone did
he allow himself to cry, his sobs racking though Niall’s small, abused body.
‘Please let tomorrow be better. For me and Niall.’
Tuesday
Thankfully this time, Louis found himself waking up naturally rather than from
something breaking. That’s at least a good start. The second thing he noticed
was a deep ache in in the back of his throat. It wasn’t painful, per say, more
just incredibly uncomfortable. He also could briefly smell the very familiar
scent which could only mean one thing. ‘Shit’ Louis thought. ‘I’m in the body
of a smoker. Just brilliant.’ The last thing he noticed was that he wasn’t on a
bed but rather a couch, and not a very comfortable one at that.
Louis stretched his sore muscles and started to search for a pack of
cigarettes. He needed to get rid of this damn annoying ache. He found a pack of
Marlboros and a lighter on the floor next to the couch and pulled a fag out,
wasting no time to light it up. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be smoking
where he was, but whoever’s body he’s in didn’t seem to care so Louis didn’t
either. He never like the taste of cigarettes. He thought the after taste was
far too strong and if he were to have his own body, he would never pick up the
habit for himself.
When half of it was gone, he heard movement coming from the entrance of the
room. ‘Whoa’ Louis thought to himself. The person hanging by the door was
incredibly fit. The mysterious boy was only wearing a pair of thin pajama pants
and Louis couldn’t help but let his eyes rake across the man’s exposed muscles,
and there was a lot of them. Whoever’s body he was in obviously found this lad
attractive as well because Louis felt his heart beat pick up in his chest. “I
thought you were going to quit,” the boy said, his lips twitched up in an
amused smirk.
“I’ll start next week,” he said which seemed to appease the other boy.
The boy stepped closer and ended up plopping down at the edge of the couch. His
heart picked up again and Louis knew that this obviously wasn’t an isolated
incident. Whoever he was right now, they definitely had some serious feelings
for this boy. Louis definitely didn’t blame him. While Louis couldn’t really
pin down a sexuality for himself, he technically didn’t even has his own body
and identifying as a boy was just kind of a hunch he had for himself, but he
definitely leaned more towards men in most circumstances. Obviously whoever he
was today did as well.
He found an ashtray close by and burned the fag out. The nagging feeling in his
throat was gone but now he was hyperaware of the boy sitting at his feet. He
couldn’t tell which one was worse. The boy was even more attractive up close.
His hair was buzzed, his chest was broad and rippling with muscles, his arms
were strong and look like they could pin someone down without even trying, and
he had a few moles scattered across his body. Yeah, Louis could definitely see
why this body was infatuated with the other boy.
“By the way,” the boy said, his mood shifting slightly. “Your mum called last
night.”
Louis had no idea what that was supposed to mean, but the body stiffened
slightly at the mention of his mother. Generally, Louis could go day by day in
each body he entered by just skimming the surface of their inner thoughts and
memories, just general information like names, relationships and other things
of that nature. Louis was rather good at picking up everything else along the
way, years of practice did that to him. He didn’t like feeling like he was
invading someone’s privacy by digging too deep. Usually he found things out
that he really did not need to know and the thoughts became a heavy burden on
his mind for the rest of the day. Today, however, was obviously going to have
to be one of his more intrusive days.
First thing he discovered was the basics; Zayn Malik, seventeen, from Bradford,
UK, smoking since the age of 13, yada, yada, yada….not really getting him
anywhere so he dug further into his mind. Currently living on the couch of best
mate (and love of his life) Liam Payne, kicked out of home for being gay. And
there it was. So at least that made the situation with the mystery boy, now
known as Liam, a little less awkward since apparently he knew Zayn was gay.
Louis fiddled around further and discovered his father was a strict Muslim as
disowned Zayn after discovering the truth. Nothing really about the mother
though…Either way, Louis felt made for the lad.
With all of his experiences, Louis was definitely anything but close-minded.
He’s seen and lived from more points–of-view than anyone ever could imagine so
being gay was hardly a problem for him and he could safely say that being gay
was not a choice. He didn’t understand why others couldn’t see that.
“Whatever,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders. “Nothing she could say will
change anything.”
The boy, Liam, seemed to be biting his tongue but didn’t say anything else
about it. “What do you wanna do today, mate? S’my day off.”
Louis shrugged his shoulders. “It’s up to you, mate,” he said. “I’m going to
shower and take a piss.” When Louis walked into the loo, he couldn’t help but
this Zayn boy out. He was quite good looking himself. His hair was messy from
sleep, but even so, Zayn was a very fit lad. His body was much leaner than
Liam’s, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t appealing. He had tattoos littered over
his body, one of his arms almost completely covered which gave the boy a very
dark appeal.
His heart sank a bit for Zayn, however, because obviously Liam wasn’t gay or he
couldn’t see why he would turn someone like Zayn down. Without even having to
dig too deep into his mind, he could tell that their friendship was long-
lasting and they were practically attached at the hip. If he were gay, Zayn
definitely seemed like a good choice for him, at least from an outside point-
of-view and Zayn obviously felt the cold sting of that reality every day.
He pissed, took a quick shower and went back into the living room where Liam
sat already dressed, which disappointed Louis. He quickly gathered some clothes
and went to turn to go back into the bathroom when Liam spoke up. “Why are you
changing in there?” he asked, his eyebrow arched. “I’ve seen you naked plenty
of times before. Our friendship doesn’t have to change because you, y’know, are
gay or whatever.” Louis could see a faint blush spread across his cheeks which
Louis found endearing.
“Thanks, mate,” he said. He dressed, quickly, avoiding all eye contact with the
other boy. Zayn may be comfortable walking around in the nude in front of Liam,
but Louis, on the other hand, was not. When they were finished, Louis made sure
to slip the pack of fags in his back pocket as well as the wallet that he been
discarded on the floor, assumingly, last night.
—-
This day, besides the annoying ache that he got all throughout the day from
craving the damn cigarettes, was significantly better than the last. He tried
not to let his mind linger on the poor, Irish boy he was the day before, and
instead enjoyed his time with Liam. He had woken up close to noon so after
grabbing a quick bite to eat, they spent the rest of the day skateboarding
around town. Luckily, the body’s muscle memory helped him not make a fool of
himself or else Zayn would really have a lot of explaining to do about why he
suddenly sucked ass at something he did nearly every day.
Liam was just a joy to be around. He always seemed to have a positive attitude
about things, Louis noticed. Even when he stubbed his already broken toe, he
let out a growl and clenched his fists and he was back to being in a good mood.
Louis could definitely see himself being friends with a guy like Liam if he had
his own body to account for.
They ended their day back at Liam’s flat. While Louis figured out that Zayn was
only seventeen, Liam was just a coupe years older, nineteen, and moved from his
parents as soon as he finished school and Zayn practically lived here even
before he was disowned. They plopped down on the couch as Liam pulled out a
small bag of weed and lifted his eyebrow at Zayn. Louis had smoked weed before
in other’s bodies and while it wasn’t a habit he saw himself picking up if he
had the choice, he wasn’t going to deny something Zayn would typically enjoyed.
‘Better than cocaine,’ he thought to himself.
So they sat there, passing a glass bowl back and forth between themselves.
There was a silence between them, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. After a while,
however, Liam spoke up. “Hey Zayn?” he asked, passing the bowl back to Louis.
“Yeah?” he asked. He tried his best to sound neutral, but inside, Louis was
nervous. He had absolutely not idea what Liam would want to ask of him.
“Why did it take you so long to tell me you were gay?” he said, not looking
over at him. “I mean, I’m your best mate, right? And you had to have known I
wasn’t going to care.”
Louis began to panic a bit. His brain was hazed over from the impact of the
drug and he was having a harder time to find a proper answer. He remembered
earlier, finding out that Zayn had known for a while that he was gay, since he
was fourteen or so. Did Liam know that? Louis couldn’t tell and he was scared
that he’d give an answer that wasn’t true because Liam could call him out on it
later and Zayn wouldn’t know what to do.
One of Louis’ biggest rules for himself was that he tries to leave as little
impact on the bodies he’s in as he can. He never sabotages relationships, even
if he thinks it’s for the best, he tries his best to make sure they stay on
whatever schedule they usually have, even if that means waking up at 6am to go
for a two-mile run. Telling Liam that Zayn was in love with him, that’s why,
definitely fell into that category. When he looks up finally and sees the small
ping of hurt hidden in Liam’s eyes, he decides maybe it would be best to break
his rule, just this once.
Louis takes a deep breath and gathers up as much courage as he could muster
before whispering, “Because I’m in love with you.”
There’s silence again and this time, it’s not as easy as the first. Louis
definitely feels uncomfortable and he’s too afraid to look up to see if Liam is
as well. Even though he’s almost positive this won’t ruin their friendship, he
is unsure of what kind of strain it might put on it which Louis fears.
Eventually, his curiosity gets the better of him and he looks up, and see’s
Liam looking at him.
He doesn’t look disgusted, which is good. In fact, Louis can’t really place
what emotion he sees in Liam’s face but before he can even question it further,
Liam lurches forward and attaches his lips to his own. Louis is freaking out
mentally. This was definitely not the reaction he expected but he supposed this
was better than any other scenario he could have thought of, especially with
his slightly hazy brain.
When he pulls away, a blush has spread across Liam’s cheeks again but he’s
smiling. “You asshole,” he said with a soft laugh. “I—I love you, too. I have
for well over two years now but I didn’t think you were interested, let alone
gay.” They both laugh at this, Louis mostly out of relief that his meddling in
Zayn’s life did good instead of fucking anything up. They smile at each other
before their lips come back together once more. This time it’s more heated, as
if all of the build up of wanting and longing broke loose into this kiss.
This time when the kiss ends, Liam asks if he wants to join him in his bed.
Louis hesitates because he doesn’t want to take Zayn’s first time from Louis
with only vague remembrance of it, but luckily Liam jumps in and reassures him
that it’s just for sleep. Louis nods his head and lets Liam lead him to the
bedroom. They strip down to just their boxers and Liam is quick to pull Louis
into his chest.
‘Yes,’ Louis thought. ‘Zayn is going to thank me in the morning.’
Wednesday
The first thing Louis realizes this morning is that his face is completely
surrounded by hair which, typically, meant one thing: today, he was a girl. It
wasn’t that he minded being a girl, he just preferred to be a boy. He felt more
at home, even if it’s only for a day. He opened his eyes to see that the room
was pretty typical for a teenage girl, at least he assumed. It was clean, but
not too clean, and neatly decorated. He got up and walked to the vanity on the
far side of the room and examined himself.
The girl whose body he was in was definitely attractive. She had long, brown
hair and soft pink lips. Her eyebrows were curved perfectly and her eyes were
kind, but definitely tired. The heavy bags under her eyes were the only thing
that marked her face in a negative way. Louis did a quick scan of her memories
and apparently, today he was Eleanor. Sixteen year old college student, near
perfect grades and from what he could tell, rather popular. She seemed as if
Eleanor had the perfect life until Louis dug slightly deeper.
Apparently, Eleanor did have one thing going against her. A boyfriend by the
name of Toby. While their were flashes of happy times, Louis found more fights
and crying than he wished to ever see from one person. His heart went out to
the poor girl and decided he was going to try his hardest to make this day good
for her and avoid him if possible.
Louis took a shower and tried to follow Eleanor’s morning routine was best he
could. ‘Ugh, must girls really put this much effort into getting ready this
early in the morning?’ he asked himself as he tried not to burn himself on a
curling iron. He finished up just in time apparently because as soon as he
finished putting on the mascara, a honk sounded from the front of the house.
Louis grabbed the girl’s school bag and rushed out the door to meet whoever was
there to pick her up.
Unfortunately, his plan to avoid Toby was already a flop since he was sitting
in the driver’s side of the car. Louis’ heart sank a bit but tried to not let
it show. Even though their relationship obviously wasn’t the best, he couldn’t
let his own emotions show over Eleanor’s. He climbed into the car and offered
him a small smile. “Hi,” Louis said as he buckled himself in.
Toby looked Eleanor up and down and rolled his eyes. “Why do you always do your
makeup, anyway?” he asked with a scoff. “Who are you trying to impress?”
Louis wants to snap back at him because he almost burned his face with that
curling iron so how dare he open his mouth, but he knew that probably wasn’t
something Eleanor would do so he bites his tongue. “I just like it,” he says,
trying to keep his voice even.
“Whatever,” Toby said before he rolled his eyes again and continued down the
road.
He luckily doesn’t start up a conversation for the rest of the ride to school,
which Louis was grateful for. They pull up into the parking lot and they both
hop out of the car. With how silent the car ride was, Louis wasn’t really
expecting for the boy to grab Eleanor’s hand but he did and his grip was
definitely firm. ‘Obviously the possessive type,’ he thought.
They walked down the hallway, or more accurately, he led Louis down the hallway
until they reached a group of lockers who obviously knew who they were. “Hey!”
a girl with tanned skin smiled at Eleanor and Louis did a quick scan to find
out that this girl was Danielle, Eleanor’s closest friend. The girl looked over
at Toby and gave a polite smile to the boy before turning back to her friend.
She started talking about something that happened at dance rehearsals the night
before and the entire time, Toby did not leave his side which Louis found odd.
‘Apparently he is incredibly possessive’ he thought. Even though he tried, it
was hard to follow along with Danielle’s story with the boy standing, obviously
bored and annoyed, at his side.
When it was time to leave for class, he was still there. He walked all the way
to Eleanor’s first class before he even let go of her hand. He leaned down and
placed on his lips briefly, but even as an outsider, Louis felt absolutely no
spark there. No emotional tie or connection whatsoever.
Every time a class ended, Toby was there without fail. Louis didn’t even know
how that was possible without him skipping out of class early or not going to
class at all. He couldn’t understand why someone like Eleanor who had good
grades, a sea of friends, and the respect of her peers would deal with this
sort of thing. It just didn’t seem to make sense so Louis decided that he was
going to break his second biggest rule: never dig deeper into someone’s memory
more than needed.
Louis never liked feeling like he was overstepping his boundaries when he was
inside of someone’s body. He doesn’t want to feel like he’s constantly digging
into people’s deepest thoughts and invading their privacy. It felt wrong so he
only scraped by with the basics. Knowing names and faces was usually enough but
for some reason, this was bothering him so during Eleanor’s study hall, he
decided to investigate.
He pulled up the earliest memories he could find that involved Toby.
They were standing in the hallway when they were introduced. He was the new
student and Eleanor offered him his hand. They talked the whole day and
exchanged phone numbers. Fast forward months later, they’re talking on the
phone and Eleanor is making Mac n Cheese. Toby says he has a crush on a girl
and wants to ask her out. Eleanor’s heart sinks but gives him advice and Toby
tells her that he’ll call her back. They hang up, he calls back immediately and
says she’s the one he likes. Eleanor accepts.
Louis could definitely see how Eleanor could find him charming in the
beginning, but obviously something has changed so he decided to dig some more.
Memories of random trips to her house with roses. Sweet kisses and even more
kisses filled with passion and heat. Cute love notes sent under their desks
when their teaches back is turned. Then something changed.
Lots of fighting, shouting. Toby is angry a lot.Even in the much faded memory,
Louis can see the jealousy that once flashed in his eyes. Louis can’t really
keep up with the memories. It almost seemed like things changed overnight.
While he was once this sweet gentleman, somehow he turned into an envious
monster.
Then Louis hears it. Hears the one thing that makes thing click into place. ‘If
I die, it will be your fault.’ and ‘if you leave, I’ll kill myself.’ So
apparently Toby has threatened suicide. Not once, either. He sees flashes of
memory of frantic phone calls, of streaks of red that Eleanor hastily picked up
as if she wanted it to remain a secret, of her walking in to find Toby hanging
with a belt around his neck from his bedroom door.
Louis quickly pulls out of her memories. He can’t take it anymore. He wants to
cry. This poor girl was stuck in an abusive relationship that no one seemed to
know of. She was struggling with trying to keep him alive out of misplaced
guilt that he put there because he’s a fucked up person.
Even though he had only been inside Eleanor for not even half a day, Louis
feels so bad for her. This poor girl is trapped with fear. The sad thing is,
she probably doesn’t even realize it. Doesn’t realize that what he’s doing is
wrong, that nothing is her fault, that she deserves so much more. That this is
abuse. This bastard has completely brain washed her into thinking that she
didn’t deserve any better than him and that if she were to try to leave, it
would be her fault if he ended up dying. Louis grabbed the hall pass from the
front of the room and headed to the bathroom where he sat and cried until the
end of the period.
Louis spent the rest of the day in a state of melancholy but no one seemed to
notice, especially not Toby. When the final bell rang, Louis said goodbye to
the few friends of Eleanor he could see as he walked through the halls with
Toby grasping his hand tightly.
The drive is silence again, and Louis is grateful. He didn’t know if he could
even pretend to be okay with this asshole right now. They pulled into Eleanor’s
driveway and when he noticed that Toby looked as if he was about to get out,
Louis acted quickly to stop him. “Wait,” he said. “I don’t think I can hangout
today. I’m swamped with homework and I really need to get it done.”
Toby scoffed and rolled his eyes as per usual. “God, you’re so selfish,” he
spat at her, making Louis’ blood boil as a result. “You always put other shit
before me. I’m your boyfriend if you don’t remember. I should come first.”
Louis couldn’t even believe the fucking nerve of this guy. There was no way he
could be serious but then again, Louis wouldn’t put it past him after all he
had seen. “I’m sorry,” he said, biting down on his lower lip. “I promise I’ll
make it up to you. I just really need to do this tonight.”
Toby wasn’t pleased, but he put his seatbelt back on and mumbled a quick,
“whatever”.
Louis leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the boy’s cheek, even though he’d
much rather spit at it, before climbing out of the car.
Even though he had hoped that would be the last time Louis would have to deal
with Toby, that was definitely wishful thinking. Not very long after he got
home, Eleanor’s phone went off and it was from Toby, making Louis cringe. He
supposed it wasn’t the worst, even though he’d get a follow up text if Toby
didn’t get a reply as soon as he’d like even though Louis continued to explain
that he was doing homework.
When the day was really done and Eleanor’s homework was completed, Louis was
relieved that he would be rid of Toby in the morning, even though his heart
still ached for Eleanor for having to deal with him. He really wished she would
realize she was worth more than he was giving her credit for. If only.
Thursday
When Louis woke up the next morning by the blare of an alarm, there was no sun
peaking through the curtains. The room was pitch black. He peaked over at the
alarm clock to see it was 4:00 in the morning, making him groan. He quickly
shut off the alarm and quickly scanned to find out why the hell someone would
want to wake up at this ungodly hour. Apparently this one worked at a bakery
and had to be there by 5:00 open. Brilliant.
Louis only allowed himself to mope about the time for a few more minutes before
forcing himself out of bed and into the bathroom. He turned on the light, the
brightness burning his eyes. When they finally adjusted, Louis was able to
evaluate what was standing in front of him in his reflection. He was not
disappointed.
His reflection showed a young man, probably only twenty if he had to guess. He
had a mess of curls on top of his head that even in the added muss of sleep,
still fit him nicely. His face….wow. The boy was gorgeous. He had the most
beautiful green eyes that Louis could stare into for days. His lips were a
shade of pink that Louis that Louis was certain no makeup company could
duplicate and when he opened that beautiful mouth, a perfect set of teeth were
revealed. This boy was definitely, by far, one of the most attractive people
Louis remembers seeing in a long time, and he’s woken up as a celebrity before.
What Louis missed in his evaluation, however, was that this boy was sporting a
large bandage going up his arm. Getting curious, Louis unwound the band but as
soon as he did, he immediately wished he could take it back. The boy had cuts
all up his forearm and the memories of old one’s were prominent against his
pale skin as well. Louis thought he was going to be sick. While he wanted to
know what could possessive this beautiful boy to do this, he didn’t have the
time. He needed to get him showered and to work by 5:00.
He showered without the bandage and the water made the still fresh wound sting,
but Louis knew it had to be done. He finished his morning routine by 5:40,
quickly got dressed in the bakery uniform his found hanging in the closet,
rewrapped his bandage and was out the door.
Working at the bakery was to be what he expected. It was really busy in the
morning when people were off to work or whatever business they had during the
day, then died down as the numbers on the clock turned into double digit. While
most people were fairly nice to him, many of them obviously regulars and knew
Harry by name, he did get a few off glances towards his arm where the bandages
were tightly wound around Harry’s wrist. Louis tried his best to ignore it.
His manager was acting extra nice towards him than usual, at least that’s what
Louis picked up from the memories. It was like he was trying not to rustle
Harry too much or he might snap. While he was sure it was all meant with the
best intentions, it annoyed Louis to no end and was glad when his shift ended.
The flat itself wasn’t much. It was incredibly small. Everything was just a few
steps away from each other. Louis sat down on the old, lumpy couch in the
middle of the apartment and sighed, not really sure what to do since it was
only midday and he was already done with everything Harry typically did on an
average day. So, he decided to break his rules again because he seemed to be
doing a pretty good job with that lately, and dig into Harry’s memory.
The first thing he felt was very distinct memory a sharp ache in his heart that
was so overwhelming that it made Louis, who was just reliving the moment, feel
it radiating through him. Harry’s thoughts were all very dark and blurry. He
didn’t think even Harry himself remembered much of the past weeks leading up to
the event that gave him the bandages.
Everything is just a blur of shades of gray. He sees the bakery, he thinks, but
it’s hard to be sure. Louis is just completely overwhelmed by the pain rippling
through his body. If this is how he felt looking at it, he could only imagine
what poor Harry actually felt living it. Then he comes to a memory that isn’t
gray. It’s the only recent memory that is filled with color. Harry is looking
at his reflection with big bags under his eyes. There’s absolutely no gleam
from those green orbs, they look lifeless. Louis hardly recognizes him.
Then he sees it. It’s thin, silver and glimmering slightly from the florescent
lights of the bathroom. Louis wants to call out to Harry, tell him no, don’t do
it, Harry, it’s not worth it. He knows it’s a memory, it already happened and
Louis saw the proof of it this morning when he woke up but he still wants to
cry out for the boy, pull him into his nonexistent chest and hold him close,
tell him everything is going to be okay. When Louis saw the bright, blur of
red, he pulls out of the memory. It’s too much.
He’s been inside of the body of someone who’s suicidal before but for some
reason, it’s different. Harry’s mind had been rather calm all day and until he
went looking for it, he could only see the images of a kind boy. In fact, if it
wasn’t for the bandages, he wouldn’t have known Harry could possibly be as
depressed as he obviously was, is.
He stays out of Harry’s brain as much as he can for the rest of the day. He
never actually finds out what caused Harry to want to commit suicide, if that
truly was his intent. He wasn’t sure he wanted to dig any further. That seemed
too private and even though he had already overstepped his boundaries, Louis
felt like he would be invading Harry’s privacy if he tried to dig further.
Louis only allows himself to focus on some of the happier images, one’s of
Harry laughing and smiling a genuine smile. It’s nice, and Louis wishes Harry
would smile more often. He wishes he’d be able to see it when he does because
even in the blur of a memory, Louis can see that Harry has one of the most
breathtaking smiles he has ever seen.
 
Louis isn’t even sure why he feels himself being so drawn to this boy. This
isn’t the only time he’s been in a body of someone who needed help, someone who
needs desperately for someone to reach out for them but getting nothing and it
won’t be the last but when the day draws to a close, Louis finds himself
clinging on to the image of Harry’s smile, the way his hair falls in every
which direction, and the way his shampoo smells. It’s silly, really. Louis is
well aware that eventually, Harry will be nothing more than one of the
thousands of bodies he has inhabited over the years, a distant memory. That
didn’t stop him from doing something for the very first time since he could
remember. Before he went to bed, Louis pulled out a notebook and scrawled out
at the top of the page ‘You are beautiful. You deserve to live a happy life.
Things will get better.’
Louis tried his hardest to stay awake after that, maybe if he didn’t actually
fall asleep he would stay with Harry for at least another day but eventually,
sleep takes over him and blackness swallows him whole.
 
Friday
When Louis awakes the next morning, there’s light filtering through the
window’s so already he knows his wish to stay with Harry was left unanswered.
Harry would already be up and at the bakery by now, going on with his life and
having no clue that Louis had even been there. At least he remembered Harry,
that was a good sign. After being in so many bodies, some started to blur
together and eventually he’d forget many of them unless they had seriously
impacted him. For reasons he was unsure of, Harry had impacted Louis greatly
and he couldn’t see him forgetting anytime soon, at least he hoped not.
He looked around the room and noticed that it was incredibly plain as if no one
really lived there. The walls were bare and there was nothing on top of the
furniture. No keys, no random assortment of papers—-nothing. ‘That’s odd,’
Louis thought to himself. ‘Wonder who the hell I am today.’ Louis tried to do a
quick brain check, but came out clean. The only thing he could find were his
own memories and his thoughts echoing back to him. Now he was really confused.
He quickly got up and headed towards the bathroom that was connected to the
room. Inside he found a brand new toothbrush and an unopened tube of
toothpaste. He looked into the mirror and realized that he was in the body of a
boy and while Louis knew for a fact he had never been in this body before, he
never was in the same body twice, it looked oddly….he didn’t have a word for
it. Familiar, perhaps, although he was sure he had never seen this boy before.
He tried again to gain access to this boy’s mind for some kind of answer, but
he came up dry again. Louis let out a growl of frustration and stomped back
into the room and through open the top drawer of dresser and found there were
close inside but they were all brand new and had the tags still attached to the
fabric.
Louis was losing his mind, he had to be, he decided. He went down the hall and
realized that this entire place was pretty much the exact same state as the
room. There was furniture, but it was all very plain and every room looked
unlived in which only confused Louis even more and drove his curiosity further.
He found his way into the kitchen which not to his surprise, was just as plain
as the rest of the place. The only different he found was that there was a
folder on the table. Louis’ brow arched in curiosity and pulled out a chair and
sat down, picking up the folder and opening it up.
The first thing that caught his attention was an I.D. with a picture of the
body he was in on it. Printed on it was the name Louis Tomlinson which made
Louis’ mouth drop. Louis Tomlinson? This entire situation was really starting
to freak the boy out but he decided to look further. Along with the I.D., there
was a National Insurance card with Louis Tomlinson printed along it. Louis
could feel his head spin with unanswered questions but as he kept digging, he
really didn’t find any. Sure, he found the deed to the house he was in, a bank
statement to a bank account that had more money in it than Louis could actually
imagine on his own, but even with all of this information, he still had no clue
what was happening. Why couldn’t he find any memories of this Louis Tomlinson?
Was it a coincidence that his name was Louis or was there more to it?
He tried once more to find memories of this body, trying to use to knowledge of
the name to his advantage but once again, he came up dry. He let out a moan of
frustration and laced his fingers in his hair. This had to be some sort of sick
joke. Maybe he had finally drove himself crazy. That was the only real
explanation for any of this. It didn’t make sense that he couldn’t figure out
why this was happening. Then again, when did Louis’ life ever make sense?
Louis didn’t get any closer to finding out the answers for the rest of the day,
he spent the entire day inside of the bare house, thinking of Harry and hoping
he was doing alright. He wondered what he was doing at the moment, if anything
interesting happened at work or what he thought of the note he left in Harry’s
handwriting. It was probably unhealthy to think about someone he will never see
again, but Louis couldn’t seem to help himself.
He went to bed that night, hoping for things to go back to normal. He closed
his eyes, waiting for sleep to take him but when it does, something that had
never happened before in all of Louis’ long life occurred. He dreamed. At
least, that’s what he assumed was happening. He understood what dreams were and
how they occurred, but he never once experienced it first hand. His nights were
spent being transported to a new body, not having his subconscious take over.
In this possible dream, he was in the body of Louis Tomlinson, he recognizes.
Surrounding him is an endless stretch of empty space, not a single color to be
found. The only sound was the sound of his breath and his feet moving across
the ground as he searched for answers. “Hello?” he called out, his voice
disappearing as soon as it left his lips since there was nothing to echo off
of. He waited, and when nothing appeared to him, he called out again. When no
answer came a second time, Louis let out a frustrating shout. “What the fuck is
going on?” he shouted, throwing his arms up in the air. “Am I being punished?
Did I break some kind of fourth wall or what?”
“No, you’re not being punished,” a voice said from behind him, making Louis
jump up and clench at his chest.
“Jesus!” he said, his heart still beating wildly from the scare. He turned
around to find a boy, probably around the same age as the body he was currently
in, with short brown hair and a grin that was much too cheeky in his opinion.
“Who the hell are you?”
The boy chuckled, much to Louis’ annoyance with the current situation, and
patted him on the shoulder. “I’m like you,” he said. “I don’t have a true
identity but you can call me Stan.”
‘Like him?’ Louis thought to himself. ‘Was he not the only one like this?’
“You might be different, Louis, but you aren’t unique,” the boy said in a
teasing tone, making Louis even more annoyed than he already was.
“Stay out of my head unless you’re actually going to tell me something useful,”
he said, his arms crossing over his chest. “The past day has been confusing
enough as it is and this really isn’t helping.”
The boy smiled and motioned for Louis to walk with him and reluctantly, Louis
did. “You see, Louis,” he started, his arm resting over Louis’ shoulders. “Like
I said, you’re different, but you aren’t unique. There are a few people like
you and I. We travel from body to body until it’s decided we’ve reached our
final resting place.”
Louis’ eyes furrowed together. This Stan character really wasn’t making things
clearer for him. None of this was fixing his confusion from the past day. “How
is it decided I made it to my final resting place? Whose body am I in?”
“The body you are in is completely your own, you’re not stealing someone’s life
or anything,” Stan explained, which did help relieve some of Louis’ fears a
bit. “As for why now after it’s been so long, I think you may know your answer.
Just think, Louis.”
Louis thought about what could have changed where it was somehow decided his
life was going to change and live a “normal” life. Even though, in his opinion,
it was a long shot, his mind only came up with one possible answer. “Harry?” he
asked.
“Bingo!” Stan shouted, clapping Louis on the shoulder. “You’re a quick one,
Louis.”
“But why?” he asked. “I mean, I’ll admit, Harry hasn’t left my mind since I
woke up as him but I mean, it can’t be that simple, can it?”
“It can, actually,” the other boy said. “We travel all over, come into contact
with thousands of people but in very rare occurrences, we come into contact
with people who alter us. They alter the way we think or feel and that can be
dangerous. If we continue on with our lives when we’re altered like that, it’s
harder to focus. How can you focus on keeping someone’s life in check,
especially their love lives, if our brains are somewhere else? “
Louis thought about what he was being told. He knew he couldn’t stop thinking
about the boy with the curly hair, but could he really be more than just a
simple infatuation? Could he really have changed that much just from one day?
“So what now?” he asked, looking up at Stan.
“Now, you live your life the way you want to,” he said with a shrug of his
shoulder. “You have a body, you have a place to live, you have money….now it’s
your choice to do what you want with it. I’m assuming Harry will eventually be
involved somewhere in there.”
“And that’s it?” he asked, everything seeming too good to be true.
“That’s it. You’ve done enough, Louis. Now’s your chance to finally enjoy
yourself.”
Louis nodded his head, a smile gracing his lips. “I still don’t completely
understand,” he said. “But thank you.”
“Don’t get all sappy on me, Louis,” Stan said with a roll of his eyes. “Just go
live your life.”
Before Louis could reply, Stan was gone and soon everything else around him
started to blur to black. His eyes opened then and he was in the same room he
fell asleep in, something Louis thought he would never experience. He smiled
and let out a small laugh. He checks the time before hoping out a bed, his
smile never leaving his face and went through his morning routine.
When he was finished, he quickly looked up the address of the bakery Harry
worked at and found it was only a short distance away. He grabbed the keys that
were sitting next to the folder of his information. He grabbed the I.D., and
the shiny credit card and headed out the door. When he got outside he let out a
whistle at the sight of the black Porsche waiting for him. ‘Damn, Stan at least
is letting my roll in style, shit’ he thought to himself.
He pulled down the long drive and flew down the road, laughing the whole way.
He couldn’t believe what was actually happening. He was going to be able to
live his own life, a life that if he played his cards right, would involved
Harry.
He pulls into a parking space and took a few deep breaths. This was it. This
was the life changing moment that he’d remember forever. He got out of the car,
making sure to straighten out his clothes before opening the door. The bakery
was dead, safe for a few people who were just leaving. Standing behind the
counter was no other than the boy he was just a few days ago. He swallowed the
lump in his throat before stepping up.
“Hi,” the boy said, his voice rich and sultry, making Louis practically melt on
the spot. “What can I get for you?”
Louis licked his lips before asking, “Well, what would you recommend?” He
flashed the other boy a smile, effectively making him blush.
“Well,” Harry said, looking at the display case. “I think the scones are rather
good. Made ‘em myself this morning.”
“Then that’s what I’ll get,” he said, smile still illuminating his face. “You
seem like a trustworthy guy,” he pretended to look at his nametag before
adding, “Harry.”
Harry nodded and went to retrieve the scone and hand it over to Louis. “Um,
anything else?” he asked, the blush still spread across his cheeks.
Louis knew it was now or never. He had to make his move or else he’d have to
wait until Harry worked again in order to see him. “How about a date?” he
asked, trying to sound confident even though he was internally having a mini
freak out.
Harry looked at Louis and studied his face as if he was trying to figure out if
he was joking or not. From being him, Louis knew that Harry was self-conscious
so he smiled, hoping that he was convincing the other boy that this wasn’t a
joke. After a stretch of silence, Harry slowly nodded his head and said,
“Sure.”
Louis’ smile stretched further across his face and tried to contain his
excitement. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to explain to Harry why he was
that excited to go out with someone he only just met so breaking out in dance
was probably out of the question. “Awesome,” he said. “Give me your number and
I’ll give you a call later tonight.”
The other boy nodded is head and quickly wrote out his number and handed it
over to Louis. “Can I at least know your name?” he asked. “I should probably
know your name before going out with you.”
“It’s Louis,” he said. “And I’ll see you tonight, Harry.” He passed the boy a
five pound note and told him to keep the change, making sure to wink at the boy
before turning to leave the bakery.
When he was safe in the privacy of his Porsche, he started laughing. He still
wasn’t sure why this was happening, why he was given this chance, why Harry,
but right now, he wasn’t going to worry about it. He was just going to do what
Stan told him to, live his life to the fullest, hopefully, with Harry by his
side.
End Notes
     I hope you like this. It took me a long time to write and I'm pretty
     satisfied with it. From a lot of public feedback from Tumblr and
     onedirectionfanfiction, I'm in the process of making a second part.
     I'm not sure how long it's going to take me so please be patient if
     you also are interested in this continuing!
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