Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/13779267. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Underage, Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major_Character_Death Category: M/M Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア_|_Boku_no_Hero_Academia_|_My_Hero_Academia Relationship: Bakugou_Katsuki/Midoriya_Izuku, Midoriya_Izuku/Todoroki_Shouto, Bakugou Katsuki_&_Midoriya_Izuku, Midoriya_Izuku_&_Todoroki_Shouto Character: Midoriya_Izuku, Bakugou_Katsuki, Todoroki_Shouto, Uraraka_Ochako, Iida Tenya Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional_Hurt/Comfort, Mildly_Dubious_Consent, Hanahaki Disease, Body_Horror, Cheating, Implied/Referenced_Cheating, Major Character_Injury, Non-Graphic_Smut, graphic_smut, Diesease, Emotional Hurt, Emotional_Manipulation, Guilt, Bullying Stats: Published: 2018-02-24 Chapters: 4/4 Words: 6944 ****** On Our Time ****** by MemjiPop Summary Katsuki hates this more anything. The glare of morning sun trying to peek from under his window shades doesn't bother him right now. He's been awake for hours now, acutely aware of the body sleeping next to him contently. He wants to hold him, Deku - Izuku - kiss at his shoulder and drift off into sleep, but he can't. Notes Moving everything from Wattpad but I will be updating on both sites. I'm so sorry for all this mess. ***** Chapter One ***** Katsuki hates this more anything. The glare of morning sun trying to peek from under his window shades doesn't bother him right now. He's been awake for hours now, acutely aware of the body sleeping next to him contently. He wants to hold him, Deku - Izuku - kiss at his shoulder and drift off into sleep, but he can't. That's not what they do, that's not what this is. They're not a couple, even if Katsuki has deluded himself into half thinking it, just too dull the pain a bit. They're not even friends, not really, and it's absolutely the blonde's fault. He hadn't meant to kiss him, bite into his bottom lip and taken the smaller boy rough against the back library wall. He was just so overwhelmed and worked up, it had just happened. A piss poor excuse he knows, but it's better than nothing and it gets Izuku into his bed whenever he likes. He knows Izuku loves him and that makes things harder, because Katsuki isn't sure he feels the same. That's a lie, he knows exactly how he feels, but there's so much internalised running through his head that he doesn't want to own up to any form of emotion he can't use to fight. Izuku isn't weak, not really, not anymore but definitely deserves a gentle touch and that's something Katsuki can't give him. That's why he finds it hard to shift his position in bed for the moment, the sting of fresh scratches on his back threaten to weep if he moves too much. The boy next to him is no better for wear, Katsuki knows there's his hands burnt into Izuku's sides and more bite marks than he's willing to admit in his skin. Izuku rolls over with a small sigh and Katsuki's heart breaks. He looks so angelic, so at peace, he deserves better but he doesn't get it and he won't get it here. The moment Katsuki is able to sit himself up, the boy murmurs awake and goes through the motions of his visit. He doesn't look at Katsuki, just borrows his shower for a minute, dresses and leaves without so much as a word. It's painful but it's for the best. They carry on throughout the day like nothing has changed between them. Katsuki still bullies the boy relentlessly but he gets people to do his dirty work for him nowadays, he can't stand to touch Izuku like that with his own hands. Still, Izuku doesn't say a word; he's already said everything he needs to to Katsuki. They end the day with a few extra bruises between them and a bitter taste on their mouths, but Izuku is at his door again that night, same painfully sweet smile before his head drops. Katsuki sighs like he's pissed off but he knows Izuku is crying. He watches the boy begin to strip off slowly, hands shaking before Katsuki wraps his arms around his waist and stops him. "Kacchan, don't." Izuku pleads and it's desperate and breathless. "Please don't pretend." Katsuki knows exactly what he's asking but he ignores it because for him it's not pretend. It's not just a warped version of fuck buddies, Katsuki genuinely loves this boy but he’s too much of a coward to confront the wall of feelings he's spent so long ignoring. Izuku doesn't fight him, he wants to pretend, wants to think for a moment they're not trying to fuck through emotional baggage, that they're lovers and it'll be so good, so sweet this time. But it's not, because Katsuki can't do it, he can't be sweet unless he wants his cover blown. The older boy doesn't care right now, the only thing that matters soon is the look on Izuku's face as he's pounded against the bathroom sink, struggling to hold himself up and desperately sucking on Katsuki's fingers. He's screaming Katsuki's name as best as he can and trying to meet the boy's eyes in the mirror, but Katsuki is stubborn and keeps his attention on the curve of his ass and the way Izuku's freckles only line his sides. They're as lovely as the hundred and forty three on Izuku's face, though Katsuki will not admit he's counted them. His thoughts are cut short by the sudden squeeze around his cock and Izuku's strangled cry. He's cum, still weakly bucking his hips against Katsuki to finish him off but it's the sudden and accidental eye contact that pushes him over the edge. Izuku is allowed to stay the night if he wants, he always chooses to stay, and Katsuki doesn't care who sees in the morning anyway. He knows Izuku wants Katsuki to hold him, but he can't bring himself to do it, so Izuku contents himself with a pillow and Katsuki doesn't sleep again. It continues on for so long, Katsuki can barely remember why they do this anymore until he sees Izuku's flushed face and remembers. Because he couldn't return Izuku's feelings without being greedy. Now Izuku is convinced this is just sex but he's so in love that he doesn't mind so long as they're close. But Katsuki isn't satisfied at all and it's too late to admit the truth now. It's different one night, Izuku blames the stress of exams but they both know that's not it, not with the way the freckled boy is begging to be marked and broken, not with the rage in his eyes. Katsuki can't ever say no to him so he gives him everything he wants until they're both so sore and beat up, they can't move from the bedroom floor.  "I don't want to do this anymore." Izuku's voice is firm but quiet, like he wants to punch someone or cry or both. "I don't want it to be just sex." Katsuki's mind is screaming that it isn't, that he loves the boy so, so much but his tongue can't keep up with the flurry of thoughts so it sits dumb in his mouth. Izuku is dressed and gone before Katsuki can fully process what's happened. He feels like he's been dumped but you have to actually be dating someone to be dumped so he's left with a mess of broken feelings and no were to put them. His wall suffers as a result; he punches it so hard he doesn't need to use his quirk to put a hole through the drywall. He doesn't turn up to class the next day or the day after, but it doesn't matter because Izuku doesn't show up to his room ever again no matter how much he waits. He's fucked everything up and that anger only burns him more, driving him forward because as much as it hurts it's the only emotion he knows how to work with. Exams come and go and a new year begins, but the ragged hole in his chest remains, Katsuki can't even hear Izuku's name without cracking his knuckles so no one in class ever brings it up. No that it matters, Izuku transfers to class 1-B and they never see each other from less than a building away anyway.  This doesn't stop Katsuki from trying; he sneaks glances every chance he gets, his chest clenches every time. Izuku looks happy, he's made new friends and without Katsuki beating down his confidence every other day, he's mustered up enough courage to talk to girls properly. The blonde doesn't like that but not as much as he doesn't like the way Todoroki looks at Izuku. The dislike turns to murderous hate only three weeks later when Aishido pries out of him that he and Izuku are a couple. He's not sure how he ends up there, but after he's done seeing red, Katsuki's got Izuku pinned against the wall of a hallway and is ten seconds away from blowing the boy's head off. "Are you fucking kidding me right now?!" He screeches and whatever students have stopped to watch, immediately take a few steps back. "Todoroki? Really? The fuck is wrong with you, Deku." "I don't see how any of it is your business." The green eyed boy spits back and Katsuki is furious. He's more mad at himself than anything but he's not about to give that away, especially not with all these people watching. His grip tightens and Izuku chokes a little but his glare in unwavering. For the first time in a while, Katsuki is a little happy because at least now he has Izuku's attention. "Why do you even care?" "I don't!" "You clearly do-" "I said I don't!" A loud boom goes off but it's too late before he blonde realises he's used his quirk and there's a terrifying hole in the wall. The impact of the sound wave has left Izuku unconscious and bleeding from his left ear. Katsuki wants to apologise so badly, to make everything ok, but his victim is ripped from him so fast and he's got two teachers yelling him down and asking questions. But, God, he can't take his eyes off of Izuku being carried off to Recovery Girl, limp and bloodied. "I'm so sorry." He mumbles but everything else is a blur.   ***** Chapter Two ***** Katsuki decides that everything is Todoroki’s fault. It's easier to blame him rather than accept that he's fucked up everything again. He's always disliked the boy anyway, though he did have some respect for him stemming from his immense power. But right now, with the boy blocking his way, he hates him. Katsuki has come to the infirmary every day, trying to see if Izuku is ok or not, no one is willing to tell him, he's gone too far this time. But Todoroki stands at the door like a loyal guard dog and refuses him entry and information. "Move." He snarled but his rival looked completely unfased, it's only pissing the blonde off more. "Are you deaf? I said move." "You can't go anywhere near him." Todoroki says it like it's a known law and it might as well be with the way everyone's been treating Katsuki. "You've done enough. Just leave him be." "You don't get to decide when I'm done with him, bastard." "I think I'm allowed to have some input on the safety of my partner." That does it, that's the last straw for Katsuki as he feels his palms blister with heat and before he even has a second to process, he gets his hands so fucking close to Todoroki's throat that he can almost feel the scarred skin under his hands. Be doesn't get the pleasure for blowing right through the boy's neck, because Todoroki has his wrist in a tight grip and his ice quirk is so cold it feels like it burning Katsuki's bones. He relents but he's not happy about it, shoving his hands his pockets he walks away but feels like he's going to cry or throw up or both, he's not quite sure. It's only when the feeling gets too much, he feels too dizzy and weak, and is neck deep in a toilet of the boy's bathroom does he see it. Blood and petals. The bowl is covered in them, like someone's slashed their wrists and held a funeral afterwards. There's an uncomfortable feeling in his mouth and Katsuki is picking out more petals from between his teeth. He knows what this is, but it's so rare nowadays that it's become something more of a childish myth than a reality. Hanahaki Disease, it's painful and obvious and usually fatal without near constant surgeries or - Well, Katsuki doesn't want to think about that, he deserves this, he knows that. It's not so bad at first, not during classes or recces. Only when he lets the unavoidable thought of Izuku run through his head in the dead of night, do the symptoms flare up and Katsuki shoots out of bed like his skin is on fire. His throat burns all the time from the acid his stomach throws up, everything tastes like iron and he can feel a tight clenching in his chest, like horned vines just tightening and tightening. Kirishima tries to ask Katsuki what’s wrong but he's more agitated than usual and eventually ends up shoving away anyone that tries to comfort him. He doesn't need to comforted, he doesn't need people to worry about him, just to worry about Izuku, and please God just tell me he's ok. But Izuku was fine after a few weeks. His ear was still bandaged up and he carried around a new notebook, but he was ok. Todoroki is still the ever faithful guard dog, the freckled boy smiles so brightly, holding his arm and cuddling close. It makes something twist and tear into Katsuki's chest, like thick rope and he doesn't like it one bit. The second Todoroki is out of sight, the ash blonde makes a beeline for Izuku, the boy scribbling new notes and completely unaware of the train wreck heading his way. "Oi, Deku." Katsuki growls out and it's harsher than he means too, but any anger he feels dies in his chest because Izuku catches his eyes and jolts back so fast that he knocks his seat over. The whole cafeteria feels silent, too many eyes watching them, but all Katsuki can see is how Izuku's knees wobble and threaten to buckle, how he's clutching his notebook like a life line and how those beautiful green eyes are so bloodshot and glassy. It's all his fault. "Deku." He doesn't get to finish, he barely remembers what he was even going to say before the feeling of guilt settles in his jaw and he's storming back to his dorm room, the petals and blood pooling in his mouth. It's thick and hot and tastes of rust, Katsuki has his head in his waste basket, forcing his stomach to evacuate as much as possible but it feels useless, it feels like it won't end. He doesn't go to afternoon classes, he doesn't open the door for Aisawa, and he just lies on the floor of his dorm and wallows. He's surrounded by red and white, weakly brushing the petals closest to his mouth, he can't help but note how pretty they look, in a macabre kind of way. Japanese Camellia, he's pretty sure they are, they smell so sweet but it's hard to focus on them with the overwhelming scent of rust and iron. His mother grew flowers like these once; he remembered bringing some reluctantly to Inko when Izuku had chicken pox. Somewhere in his eight year old mind, he'd reasoned that flowers made people feel better, and the faster Izuku felt better, the faster he could come out and play. It hadn't really worked but Izuku insisted it did and that was enough for Katsuki. No one even looks at him the next time he manages to show up to class, not even Aisawa has a dig at him, he takes his seat and only half pays attention. Classes have become tedious now, a burden on his weakening body, but he keeps up as best as he can, the tightening of thorns around his bones only spurs him on in irony. Todoroki lets up, focusing all his attention on keeping Izuku far away from the explosive teen, once he is healed up enough. The freckled boy is quieter than anyone finds comfortable, he doesn't even mumble anymore, just stands behind his boyfriend like a frightened rabbit. Katsuki wants to get closer, the feeling is almost compelling, but Izuku runs as fast and as far as he can the moment his childhood friend is in view. Katsuki had always been violent, he'd always bullied and picked on Izuku, the freckled boy often returned home bruised or scratched up. But being hurt like that? Katsuki's never crossed that line before and Izuku's bright smile and forgiving nature just isn't able to cope this time.  But Todoroki can't guard him forever and Izuku can't keep running, that much is evident when Katsuki corners him in a hallway after school. He's shaking so badly, fat tears already beginning to fall and it breaks Katsuki's heart. He hasn't come up with a plan, he rarely does, it's easier to just figure these things out later, but that's not going to work here and he knows it. "You can't keep running, Deku." The blonde growls out and Izuku visibly winces, clutching his notebooks like a shield. It's strange but Katsuki wants to kiss him, hold him, and tell him he's being stupid and that Katsuki wouldn't ever hurt him, but he has. "What? One fight and you go running to that two toned bastard? Pathetic." "This - This wasn't." Izuku can barely finish his sentence, his voice is barely above a whisper and God how the shaking gets worse, and he looks like the wind will take him out. "He loves me." So that's what this is about, Katsuki feels the taste of iron rise in his throat, the petals beginning to choke him. The blonde's temper has always been poor, he finds himself caging Izuku in before he can even process what he's doing. Both of his dangerous hands slam into the wall on each side of Izuku's head, the boy is so scared he collapses, holding his head and wailing. "Stop." Katsuki shouts but the wailing and sobbing gets worse. "I said stop it." Izuku just apologises through choking sobs and it's eating away at Katsuki, just wants it to stop. "Izuku, enough!" The green haired teen does stop, almost like a switch, the shaking is still there but he lets go of his head and barely looks up at his friend.  "You - You called me." Izuku swallows thickly, dark wet stains flow down his cheeks from the tears, but his eyes are blown wide.  "Kacchan. Just - please - I can't do this anymore; I don't want to do this anymore." "We're not doing anything." Katsuki is getting annoyed now; he can feel his palms heat up and begin to sweat - A bad sign. "You're doing this. You're the one that freaked out; you're the one that fucked off." "I didn't want it to just be sex." "You're the one who decided that on your own!" "I told you I loved you!" They're both silent now, Katsuki knows he's in the wrong and Izuku looks like he's been slapped. He wants to run, he springs to his feet and tries but Katsuki won't let him, he grabs his arms and shoves his back against the wall. They're both stepping on Izuku's notebooks but they don't notice, their lips are mashed together angrily. Izuku struggles at first, he's scared, this feels so much like a trap, Katsuki's got his dangerous hands around his small wrists, and the heat is almost burning. Their kiss is so primal, so aggressive, so them. By the time they break the kiss, they're both out of breath and panting, Izuku is crying again but now he just looks hurt, like everything he's tried to fix and piece back together is shattering again. "You can't . . . You can't keep doing this. It's not fair." "I know." "I can't go back to before." "I know." "Kacchan talk to me." "I am." He knows he's not, it just so much to process and Katsuki doesn't want to. Izuku is clinging to the blonde's uniform shirt like it’s a lifeline. Katsuki doesn't want him to ever let go but he can't bring himself hold him, he wants to badly but he feels like doesn't deserve it. He opens his mouth to say something but before any words arrive, the petals he's been holding back drop out of his mouth and circle Izuku's head like a flower crown, beautifully painful. Izuku looks up with big, wet green eyes and Katsuki is lost. ***** Chapter Three ***** Chapter Notes Sorry this one is a bit short. Katsuki wasn't sure how it started but he didn't care, because right now Izuku's bare skin was under his hands and their lips were crashing together like a perfect train wreck. It was so wrong, Izuku wasn't his, he was happy and with someone else, but that didn't stop the blonde from ravishing him like he needed it to live. Somewhere along the lines clothes were misplaced, more petals scattered and Izuku was arched under his touch and gasping. God he missed this, he missed all of this but it was so wrong. It wasn't their usual routine, familiar and safe. As safe as it could be with Katsuki sinking his teeth into Izuku's shoulder, he wanted to make sure everyone saw their mistake. Maybe it was pity that made them fall into bed again but Katsuki fervently insisted it was affection. Having the green haired boy in his lap, huffing and gasping so close to his ear was torture. He could feel the slow, burning drag of his cock pulling almost free before slamming back inside, eliciting a high pitched keen from Izuku was Heaven, and Katsuki was more than happy to continue like this forever. But fucking like animals, amongst blood and petals wasn't Izuku's idea of heaven, the moment he felt Katsuki cover his insides with cum and a dull ache, he was pulling himself off and collecting his clothes from the filthy floor.  Katsuki did not like being on the other end of this affair. He didn't like the cold silence, the bitter aftertaste and most of all, the longing - Dull and throbbing in his chest, silently pleading for Izuku to just stay. The look the freckled boy threw him over his shoulder was heart breaking; he pitied Katsuki so damn much. Of course he'd noticed the blood, he noticed the petals clinging to the blonde's chapped lips, and he pitied it. "I told you I can't keep doing this." He finally spoke up, though his voice cracked just a bit. "Shochan is good to me, he loves me. Whatever thing we had, it's over." "No, it isn't." "Please don't do this."  "Don't do what, Deku?" Katsuki hissed he didn't bother to clean himself up; selfishly hoping his dishevelled appearance would tug some sympathy from Izuku's fragile heart. "Stop treating me like I'm selfish kid! Just tell me what the fuck you want!" "I wanted you, Katsuki!" The air chills quickly, like someone has frozen everything solid but somehow it still feels clammy and uncomfortable. There's a churning in Katsuki's stomach that he can't ignore, but whether its anxiety or hearing his first name being so bitterly spat is anyone's guess. "I wanted you, I really did. I loved you so much, but it was just about sex for you." Izuku motions with his hands like they're being electrocuted, like he has no idea how to convey what words can't. But Katsuki understands him, he's hurt - shattered really - because Katsuki had him in the palm of his hand, willing and loving, but he threw it away for a cheap fuck until even his childhood friend's ever forgiving nature just snapped. "I thought I could deal with that but I can't. I don't want just sex; I want someone to give a shit about me. I want-" Katsuki stops him; he can't take much more, lunging at the smaller boy until his body slams against the cold walls of the boy's bathroom with a heavy thud. He knows with how tight he's holding Izuku's wrists the skin will bruise, but he doesn't relent because feeling Izuku give in, kissing him back and whimpering, was all he could think of. He could feel Izuku's pitiful sobs and tears streaming down his face, cooling his heated skin and felt so very guilty. He pulled back slowly, letting Izuku's wrists go, peppering the red skin with gentle kisses. "Why." The smaller boy hiccupped, clinging so tightly to the rumpled and bloodied fabric of Katsuki's uniform collar. "Why do you keep doing this to me? Why now?" "I don't know." "Yes you do! Of course you know!" "I don't know what you want me to say." "Just tell me what you want, from me?!" The cold grew and Izuku fell against Katsuki's chest, clinging and shaking so badly, soaking his shirt in bitter tears. Neither of them spoke after that, just got themselves cleaned up and dressed, Katsuki expected Izuku to go the other way as they left, but he didn't. He held tightly onto the blonde's rough hand, trailing behind like a guilty dog. Katsuki didn't question it, he didn't need to, all the dirty looks they were getting did it for him and those same looks only made Izuku sob a little more. Naturally their classmates had plenty of questions but they didn't get the chance. Todoroki was on them in seconds, furious enough for his left side to be smoking slightly. The tension in the air was so thick, anyone could have choked on it but Katsuki stood tall, one arm stretched behind him as a sort of way to keep the trembling boy safe, not that Todoroki would have ever hurt him.  "I know what you're doing and it's disgusting." He hissed, a little more smoke rising from under his uniform. "You can't just manipulate people to get your way." "You're itching for a fucking fight, aren't you?" Katsuki spat back, both boys had their eyes narrowed at each other, ready to see if looks could kill or not. Izuku shook and sobbed behind Katsuki until Uraraka and Iida managed to creep behind him and take him to a safer corner of the room; this was going to be messy. "Don't get pissy, half n' half, I'll kick your ass right now if you really want." The blonde ignored the accusations because he knew that wasn't what was happening at all. Izuku had been the one to initiate this time, maybe out of pity, maybe to give Katsuki a taste of his own medicine, who knew but none of it had been the blonde's doing for once. The classroom erupted into a ball of ice and smoke, the hallway outside shaking with each blow until the doors were thrown open and both boys tumbled out of the window, hitting the ground with a sickening crunch. Neither relented, hands gripped necks, fired burnt flesh and ice snapped through muscle, but they still fought, determined to execute each other.  Katsuki got to his feet, barely. His right arm refused to respond but the palm sparked with his quirk automatically. Using his power with such force and no protective gear made the skin on his palms bubble and sizzle, the pain shooting up his arm like needles but he had no intention of stopping. Todoroki was just was worse for wear, his left leg was sporting a nasty looking gash, red seeped into his uniform like running ink and the muscle twitched and trembled from the weight it could barely handle. They were both heaving and on the verge of collapse but so damn unwilling to stop. If it hadn't of been for Midnight steeping in, the whole school was certain they'd both actually murder each other. Recovery Girl had her hands full that day and the boys slept for days on end, in and out of consciousness. Katsuki could have sworn he saw Izuku, smiling softly with tears in his eyes. Cupping his face and telling him he was cruel for making the freckled boy worry so much, he could feel small scarred hands take his and give a small squeeze, lips brush against his and whisper promises that everything going to be ok. When he came to finally, Izuku was doing it but not to him, to Todoroki in the bed beside him, a thin translucent curtain separating them - Separating Izuku from him. "Don't ever scare me like that again." Izuku sobbed into Todoroki's shoulder, trying to curl up at his side and just touch as much as he could of him to prove to himself that Todoroki was ok. "I mean it, Shochan." "I won't, I promise." The other returned and they just held each other. Katsuki rolled over and pretended he was asleep, but the clawing feeling rising in his chest gave him no peace to do so. Trying to stifle a sharp cry, Katsuki held his sides and crumbled into a ball, feeling pricks at his skin.  Ripping his shaking hands away, Katsuki saw something he hoped he would never see again. Thorns, black and sharp and dried poked through his skin, their stalks twisting around his muscles and bones, buds in the most brilliant colour nestled along the black plant. He was getting so much worse and he knew it would kill him, but hearing Izuku and Todoroki reassure each other, be there for each other, something he couldn't do. He almost wished it would.   ***** Chapter Four ***** Chapter Summary I will no longer be updating on Wattpad, this will was my final update for the site. It is completely unbeta'd but wanted my goodbye to be as quick as possible. I thank my readers and followers dearly for their love and support and hope I can make my audience here happy with my work. Thank you for the five years on Wattpad. - Memji Pop Chapter Notes I will no longer be updating on Wattpad, this will was my final update for the site. It is completely unbeta'd but wanted my goodbye to be as quick as possible. I thank my readers and followers dearly for their love and support and hope I can make my audience here happy with my work. Thank you for the five years on Wattpad. - Memji Pop Todoroki recovered fast than Katsuki did.  He was back to classes, Izuku clinging tightly to his arm like a frightened child, with a renewed pep in his step. He'd won and he knew it - They both did. Izuku told him what had happened and flooded out apology after the apology to the mixed haired boy but there was no need. Todoroki didn't put any blame on him, he was kind and loving and showered Izuku with the attention and affection he should have gotten a long time ago. Still Izuku behaved like he walked a razor sharp tightrope, a thin line between praise and punishment. Todoroki could see it and he did his best to reassure the boy, but Izuku's mind with flash with brilliant red and honey colour flames, he'd go weak in the knees and cling tighter, trying to erase the feeling of rough hands just a touch too gentle on his skin. Katsuki took a week longer to heal; Recovery Girl just couldn't mend a breaking heart though not for lack of effort. He wasn't to attend classes however, banished by home leave because of course the kind old woman had noticed the faint black of thorned steams wrapping around muscle under skin and flecks of red and ripped roses that stained his pillow. His mother was mortified, sitting her son down on the family couch to lecture and fret over him in the same breath. Katsuki knew she wasn't trying to make him feel bad, even when he yelled and screamed and shoved him, tears still streamed down her face filled with so much worry for her baby. She was scared, Hell - He was scared - but right now, the blonde just wanted to curl up into bed and be left alone. Thank God for his father, who eventually called Mitsuki down, took her into the kitchen and motion that it was safe for Katsuki to go now.  His room was messy, dark and stagnant.  The bed left unmade from his last visit - Because I'm not your fucking maid, Katsuki - dirty clothes shed haphazardly on the floor and old comic books he'd been flipping through in piles by his weights. Katsuki wished he could say the familiar space, undisturbed and his own, provided any distraction or comfort but it didn't. It just became a clammy shell for him to hole up in and feel sorry for himself. Days blurred together, Masaru might have come in once or twice but the boy wouldn't have been able to say for sure. Someone mumbled something about medication, surgery, something to try the tame the growing brambles in his chest but he could barely process. By the end of it all, the stress and exhaustion brought about a fever. Katsuki could have sworn he heard Izuku's shy voice, cooing and coaxing him into sleep. Scarred hands stroking his head, offering sanctuary in his palms, that same familiar and craved delusion.  "I'm here, Kacchan. It's ok, sleep now." It felt heavenly just to imagine it, his hazy mind sinking deeper into his pillow, damp cloth on his forehead promising to keep the worst of the heat away as he slept. His dreams were a bittersweet torture, filled with that lithe body and gentle hands and things he most certainly didn't deserve. But he could be different here, make up for his mistakes at least in practice and act how he should have that first night. His walls could afford a small gap for Izuku to climb through, some entry point, he could learn it was ok to actually feel. The thought terrified him, chilled his bones and he threatened to build his walls higher and thicker. But that sweet, forgiving smile Izuku wore just for him here, kept him still. He opened his mouth to say something but small hands cupped his cheek and he realised he didn't need to do anything but lean into the warmth and press soft kisses into those marked palms. "I'm here. It's ok." Izuku repeated, his voice was so painfully quiet and soft. He was naked, they both were, planted in his lap, long legs hooked over Katsuki's hips and smiling at him almost sadly. "I've got you, Kacchan its ok now." He was being so delicate, knowing full well that Katsuki was just about ready to shatter in his hands from the mounting guilt and longing. He didn't deserve this, a ghost of his childhood friend's forgiving nature, ready accept any kindness that Katsuki only now decided to offer. But the blonde was selfish, pressing their lips together chastely, licking at Izuku's bottom lip to ask for permission. The noise the green haired boy made could have made galaxies as far as Katsuki was concerned, pleading with him to take his fill provided his was gentle and willing to allow Izuku the same kindness. He slowly pushed Izuku back against whatever surface they were on, a bed maybe, burning the image in his mind once his lungs forced them to part for air. Long legs together at the knees were framed by ivory silk sheets, giving a gorgeous path to slim hips and a valley of stomach, chest and throat. Izuku's hands were by his head, in lazy fists as emerald green bedroom eyes caught his, hooded and dark with lust and love. "I love you." He breathed out and Katsuki was shattered and remade inn an instant, Izuku could always do that to him, make him feel so undone and whole all at once. And now here he was, tucked away in Katsuki's dream, so chaste and loving, ready for consumption. Katsuki was indeed greedy, wasting no time filling his mind with the gasps and moans and keens and oh God, right there, Katsuki please - That made him feel so alive. There was lightening his veins and liquid fire in his bones, but he refused to stop till Izuku's back arched up, taut like a bowstring and he was screaming in ecstasy.  Katsuki followed soon after, just mesmerised by Izuku's face, so flushes and sated, something so beautiful he'd denied himself when he convinced himself it just meaningless sex. The afterglow was glorious, the smaller boy wrapping him in his arms and running long fingers through blonde hair with a small smile on his face. "I love you." He repeated and Katsuki felt something bubble in his throat. "I love you so much, Kacchan." Something felt wrong, tears dripped onto Katsuki's cheek and looking up he saw Izuku was no longer smiling. His face was tear stained, puffy and red. Their sanctuary darkened into the black of Katsuki's dorm room. Purple bruises adored his wrists, neck and shoulder and he looked pitiful, wailing for Katsuki - For an answer. Katsuki wanted so badly to give him one, it right there on the tip of his tongue, he just needed to - He work up, lurching up violently and throwing up a particularly large mass of petals and blood into blanketed lap. Sweat was dripping off him, the stink of nitro-glycerine and iron was enough to make Katsuki feel like would actually vomit. He moved to the bathroom, slipping into a cold shower and trying to rinse the taste out of his mouth. His throat burned and ached, he tried to soothe it, opening his mouth under the spray but the pain remained. It wasn't until  he steps out, grunting with a small headache does he notice. In the fog of the mirror, black irregular lines trail up the column of his throat and jut out with small black thorns. Tiny, neat pink buds nest in the corners of dividing stems and mock him, some even look like they might bloom. He storms out and shows his parents immediately, nearly doubling over from a few sudden stabbing pains in his neck and gut. His father was washing dishes and Katsuki hears plates shatter, he feels his mother's arms around him, trying to keep him on his feet but everything fades to black so quickly. He remembers shouting, voices sounding like they're under water and far away, the flashing red, blue, red, blue of an ambulance and the loud crash of hospital doors being slammed open by a gurney stretcher, but the black leaks in and out of his vision too much for him to focus.  He feels like he's been asleep for days, his eyelids feel like lead when he next tries to open them. He sees him mother talking with a doctor, his father's hand on her shoulder, they look so worried he feels bad. They look at him through the door's windows and mouth something like they love him but Katsuki can't really hear them. The doctor comes in, holding up a chart like the boy would understand any of it. He says that Katsuki got lucky, if they'd operated any later he could have choked to death. Katsuki groans, at least it explains why his neck feels so numb. The doctor assure him that he'll heal just fine with minimal damage to his vocal cords if he refrains from speaking or making harsh noises for a while, but then his face sours. It's like he's about to tell the blonde that he hasn't got long to live and Katsuki honestly could have told him that him himself at the rate these damn thorns keep spreading. "We do have a temporary measure." The doctor begins, taking off his wire glasses to rub at the bridge of his wide nose. "You're young, very healthy outside of this disease, so if you're willing, we can prescribe you medications. I want you to have a serious think about this. These won't cure Hanahaki, but they will slow down the growths considerably and you will need to have continuous surgeries to remove the growths . But, they will cancel out your moods, making it harder for the growths to spread. If you're lucky, this infatuation will pass and the growths will die off before scar tissue becomes an issue." Katsuki doesn't like the way he says infatuation because he knows that's not what this is. He's young but not naive. He's had crushes and flings before, mere aesthetic attractions to pass the time. This thing with Izuku is persistent,  stubborn in all the best and worst ways. He knows he's always been in love with the goofy, freckled boy, he just didn't see it till it because a literal life or death situation and he knows damn well it won't fade because when has he ever given on anything? "I understand if opt against the medication, but in that case I hope you sort this out with the person you are infatuated with soon. Closure or acceptance are the only guaranteed cures we can-" Katsuki nods vigorously, something dangerous and fiery in his eyes that makes the doctor slide his glasses back on and scribble on the chart. "Well then, let's see how this goes then." And he leaves, Mitsuki and Masaru come in to check on their boy and Katsuki feels something twists in his chest; weather its anxiety or the thorns is anyone's guess. The school is notified of course, a few class mates stop in to say hello when Katsuki is lucid enough, he needs rest and the hospital has him on powerful sedatives with the fuss he kicks up. Kirishima shows up with Kaminari and the pair sits on the end of Katsuki's bed, cross legged and babbling on about how much effort they're putting into training so Katsuki better heal up fast before they get any stronger. Asui stops by once and just sits in the chair next to him, she doesn't say a word and picks at a box of chocolates she might have brought as a get well gift, considering she leaves what’s left of them on the nightstand. Iida of course comes and makes some long winded speech about how Katsuki is missed and he hopes being in hospital isn't keeping him from at least looking over their homework.  It's strange to see his class mates come in one by one, Katsuki doesn't think he's all that close with any of them, though he knows that's his fault. No one visits for a few days and Katsuki is grateful for the silence, he's exhausted, and the moment he hears his room door creak and crack open he rolls over and pretends to sleep. There's a lightly click, click, click of shoes on the linoleum floor and he thinks a nurse must've come in to adjust his IV drip, but something clinks and rustles, the clicking returning and door closing just as Katsuki rolls over and sees them. They're in a vase on the other nightstand, fresh and vibrant and neatly tied together with an emerald coloured ribbon. Japanese camellias.   Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!