Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/5642197.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling
  Relationship:
      Harry_Potter/Voldemort
  Character:
      Harry_Potter, Voldemort
  Additional Tags:
      Masturbation, Mutual_Masturbation, Mind_Sex, Mind_Link, This_is_supposed
      to_be_funny, Joke_Fic, Crack
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-01-05 Words: 2066
****** Occlumency Arousal ******
by allihearisradiogaga
Summary
     Voldemort needs to let off some steam, and Harry feels the effects.
     THIS IS A CRACK FIC AND I APOLOGIZE FOR MY SINS.
Notes
     So this all started with the thought of: "Okay, so Harry and
     Voldemort can feel each other's extreme emotions? What about lust?"
     And then it came to this.
     Written for the UVM Quidditch Annual Fanfiction Extravaganza. I am so
     sorry.
See the end of the work for more notes
“And I want some results soon, Bellatrix,” said the dark lord, swooping closer
to her before turning abruptly and walking away slowly.  “I am running out of
patience.”
“Yes, my lord,” she said, in a slight bow.  “Consider it done.”  He did not
turn back around to see her as she left the room.  He could hear her go, and
once the door closed he muttered a single word under his breath.
“Colloportus.”  The lock on the door snapped shut, and Voldemort crossed the
room to his chair, a large thing that looked almost like a throne and, casting
one last glance to the door to make sure that it was closed and locked.  Then,
he pointed his wand toward the upper shelf of the books of dark magic against
the wall.  From between two larger tomes, a smaller, flimsier book came down. 
He held the magazine in his long, slender fingers for a moment before turning
his eyes down to it.
The large block letters at the top of the page read “Bad Witches,” and below
these big red letters was a woman, totally naked save for a black pointed hat,
who was on all fours, her large breasts well visible between her arms, and her
wand pointed toward her mouth.  As Voldemort looked down at her, she giggled
slightly and licked her lips.
Voldemort opened the front of his robes with one hand, the other hand holding
his wand and the magazine, and he pulled forth from his underwear his semi-hard
penis, which he held in his hand as he opened the magazine again.
Harry Potter found it suddenly very difficult to pay attention in Professor
Vector’s discussion of runes.  He knew that he should have been paying
attention to the way in which different runes could be used to convey magical
properties in ancient texts, but suddenly, the front of his boxers began to
feel very tight around his penis.  He looked around the room, and no one seemed
to be letting their eyes stray from Vector’s lesson—she was known for being
notoriously strict.
He had no idea where this arousal was coming from.  He was just looking at
runes, for goodness sake—there shouldn’t have been anything exciting there! 
And yet, his penis was hard against his waistband, and he was glad that he was
wearing somewhat roomy robes.
Voldemort stroked his hand down his cock, his hand slightly lubricated by some
lotion he had summoned from its place in the adjacent bathroom.  He looked at
the magazine, enthralled in the way that these young women were posing, their
legs spread wide to somehow show both their large asses and their perfectly
maintained pussies.  He stroked again, and felt warmth in his cheeks.  It
wasn’t often that he got any sort of relief from the constant work of being the
evilest wizard alive.  It was hard for him to secure a little bit of private
time.  And it was private—just him and the magazine, on the pages of which the
“bad witches” were grinning, staring up at him as they pushed their breasts up
together toward him or puckered their lips around their wands sensually.
Harry couldn’t take it much longer.  He’d never gotten a boner like this just
out of nowhere before.  It felt—it almost felt like he was whacking off, but
there was no way that it could really be happening.  He wasn’t touching
himself, and he hadn’t even thought of anything sexy.  He raised his hand, and
Professor Vector stared him down with her cool eyes.  “Yes, Mr. Potter?”
“Um, yes, uh, Professor Vector, may I be excused for a moment?”
Vector lowered forehead and looked at him for a moment.  “You decide you need
to use the lavatory as soon as I begin to introduce a new topic, Mr. Potter? 
It seems a little bit convenient.”
Harry blushed, and he could feel a little bit of precum at the tip of his dick,
which was practically throbbing between his legs.  “I-I’m sorry, Professor, but
when you’ve got to go…”
A couple of the other students in the class giggled at this, and Professor
Vector shot them glares.  Harry himself was getting more than a little
uncomfortable with the amount of attention he was getting, with his swollen
member almost quivering between his legs.
“Fine, Mr. Potter,” said Professor Vector, turning away from him again, going
back to the blackboard.  “But I expect you to do very well on the little quiz
we will be having at the start of next class.
Harry nodded, and got up, turning from his seat in a half-crouch.  Hermione
shot him a quizzical look, and he just looked away, trying not to let his
erection be seen as he moved, even through his robes.  He felt a certain amount
of relief when he got to the corridor, the classroom door shut tight behind
him.  Then, he felt a little burst of pleasure, and he grinned, leaning back
against the wall, enjoying it, almost forgetting where he was.  Then, he began
to hurry as unsuspiciously as he could toward the bathroom.
Voldemort stroked his hand carefully up and down his member, feeling his own
sensitive skin between his fingers.  At one stroke, he almost shuddered, and he
decided that he was going to have to slow down a little bit if he wanted to
make this a good one, a drawn out self-pleasuring session.  He flipped the page
in the magazine, opening up a page with a woman who was posing in a dungeon. 
Her arms were bound by chains above her, and she was on her knees, leaning
forward slightly.  This caused her boobs to hand forward.  Every once in a
while, she would shake slightly against the chains, looking up at Voldemort
with a look of half-helplessness, half-enjoyment.  Voldemort felt a tingling in
his dick, but he didn’t let himself touch it, for the time being.  He just
stared at the woman in the magazine, imagining what it might be like if she
threw herself at his feet, promising her loyalty to his cause.
Harry had almost made it to the bathroom when he found himself face-to-face
with Filch, who was holding a gnarled old mop like it was a walking stick and
he was a weary adventurer.  He actually grinned a little bit when he saw Harry
before his face returned to its normal scowl.
“Out roaming the halls, Mr. Potter, during class time?”  He looked Harry up and
down, and Harry bent backward just a bit more, hoping that the folds of his
robes would hide his bulge from the caretaker.
“Oh, uh, P-professor Vector said it was alright,” said Harry, hoping that this
wouldn’t take too long.  He felt a little relief, and he wasn’t sure what was
going on, but he was going to cum soon, he could feel it, and he didn’t want to
do it when he was face-to-face with Argus filch.
“Well,” said Filch, shifting his hand on the mop, “you seem awfully shifty, Mr.
Potter.  How do I know you’re telling the truth?”
Harry thought he found a good spot where his dick wasn’t rubbing against the
waistband of his underwear, and was sort of concealed.  “Do you think, of all
professors, I would pick Vector for a lie?”
Filch thought on this for just a moment, but for Harry, it was agonizingly
long.  Finally, he spoke.  “Okay, Potter.  This time, I’ll let you go.”  Harry
started to walk away, but Filch grabbed him by the arm, jerking Harry back.  He
could feel his erection slip out of his waistband, thusly pointing forward,
causing a tenting in his robes that he didn’t want Filch to see.  “I’ve got my
eye on you, Potter.”
“I would expect nothing less than diligence,” Harry said quickly, as something
inside of him renewed his sexual arousal, almost as if someone was tugging on
his cock.  He scuttled away from Filch, who gave him a bit of an evil eye as he
went.
Voldemort went at his dick with a renewed vigor.  He imagined a few of the
girls, pouting up at him from the magazine, rubbing themselves on him, placing
kisses on different parts of his body: his collarbone, his cheek, the inside of
his thighs…  His hand went up and down his dick, and he shuddered as his
asshole clenched, and he knew he was close.  He pulled again, and his eyes
flitted over the moving pictures in the magazine.  His chest rose up and down
with his breaths, and he pulled his hand down his cock, letting his fingers
work as ridges for his pleasure.
Harry burst into the bathroom, quickly scrambling to the first stall and
locking it behind him.  He sat back at on the toilet and fumbled at the front
of his robes, trying to get them open and get his erection free.  It only took
a slight tug to pull his dick out of his underwear, and it lazily flopped back
against his stomach.  He watched as it lay there, hot and full of lust, and
wondered where this could have come from.
The dark lord found that he wasn’t going to be able to hold off his orgasm much
longer.  He went at his cock harder now, grasping with a firm fist around his
member, pushing up and down against it, subtly grinding his hops upward into
his hand.  At some point, the magazine tumbled from his hand to the floor, and
he let it stay there.  He had no need for it now.  He gripped in that hand
instead the base of his cock, his wand still in his fingers of that hand,
pressing against his lower stomach.
Harry seized up as his dick started almost standing up on its own, filled with
blood to its maximum extent, throbbing with need.  He didn’t touch it,
wondering why his body was acting like this.  Was it some sort of spell?  Or
curse?
Then, Voldemort stroked his cock, hard, a few more times, and his body couldn’t
hold it back any longer.  A small jet of white cum shot out of the tip of his
dick, followed by some afterflow.  He leaned back in his chair, hand still
clutched around his dick, a shudder slipping down his spine.
Harry came, and for the first time, he instinctively grabbed his penis.  His
mind flashed away from the bathroom where he sat to an image of three naked
women, their hands all over him, their mouths all over him, and then—the image
flashed to a darkened room, all black and gray, and a pale dick in his hand,
no, not his hand, but a long, spindly, pale hand…
He was back in the bathroom, and he saw the semen rolling down his dick, over
his fingers where they grasped his shaft.  He reached with his other hand for
the toilet paper next to the toilet to clean himself up.  The last thing he
needed to do was to go back to class with a cumstain on his robes.  He turned
and dropped the toilet paper into the water, and as he reached for another
piece, he was faced with a familiar visage.
“Well, Mr. Potter, a bit of a short fuse, eh?”
“Myrtle, I swear…”
“Not a word from me,” she giggled, coming through the stall wall completely. 
Harry instinctively covered up with his hands, doing pretty much nothing to
shield his waning cock from her view.  “Ah, the treasures you find in
bathrooms…”  She floated downward, through the floor, presumably back to her
normal haunts in the first-floor girls’ bathroom.  Harry watched the floor
where she had disappeared for a moment before realizing that he was completely
red from blushing.  He shook his head a little and grabbed some more toilet
paper to clean up the cum.
He was going to have to pay a little bit more attention during Snape’s
occlumency lessons.  It was going to take a long time to get Voldemort’s
fantasy out of his head.
Voldemort, after a moment of enjoying the post-orgasm refractory moment, lifted
his wand and waved it at his dripping cock, causing the semen to disappear.  He
pulled his robes closed just after, holding his wand up at the ready.  He had,
for some reason, the distinct feeling of being watched.
End Notes
     Sorry.
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