Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/961320.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Reiner_Braun/Bertolt_Hoover, Bertolt_Hoover/Erwin_Smith, Jean_Kirstein/
      Annie_Leonhart
  Character:
      Reiner_Braun, Bertolt_Hoover, Annie_Leonhart
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_High_School, Community:_snkkink
  Series:
      Part 1 of No_One_Knows
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-09-09 Completed: 2013-12-24 Chapters: 26/26 Words: 97595
****** No One Knows ******
by wizardinblack
Summary
     Reiner and Bertholdt used to be best friends, but then high school
     happened.
Notes
     This is a fill for a prompt at the snk kink meme, where Reiner is a
     popular jock and Bertholdt is an unpopular nerd. Reiner is gay and
     can't help but be attracted to his old friend, even though they don't
     talk anymore.
See the end of the work for more notes
***** Chapter 1 *****
“Braun,” Coach Shadis pulled Reiner aside after practice. Still sweaty and
wearing his football pads he held his helmet in hand, fingers tightening around
the bars of the face guard. He already knew what this was about. It was the
third time Shadis had pulled him aside to talk to him about it. He was tired of
hearing it and just wanted to get to the showers.
“You’re failing,” the older man finished, the stern expression never leaving
his face.

“I know,” Reiner tried to keep the annoyance in his voice to a minimum.

“I know you know! I’ve already had to cover your ass three times now!” he was
yelling now, and Shadis was never the kind of guy to censor himself, even
though he was only a high school football coach, “so why haven’t you done
anything about it?”

This time Reiner let his annoyance show, “I’m trying,” he groaned.

“Not fucking hard enough,” Shadis spat while digging something out of his
pocket, “I can’t make excuses for you anymore. If you don’t get your grades up
I’m going to have to kick you from the team.”

“What? You can’t!” Reiner gaped at him. He couldn’t get kicked from the team.
The team was all he had. He was getting a full paid football scholarship from
being on this team. If he got kicked he would literally lose everything.

“You’re giving me no choice,” Shadis unfolded the crinkled piece of paper he
had dug from his pocket, “I talked to the advisor and she’s set you up with a
tutor.”
Reiner grabbed the paper as it was handed to him.

“That’s your schedule,” he further explained, “you meet with him every week –
and you better fucking do it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Reiner grumbled, not bothering to look at the paper as Shadis
dismissed him to the showers. When he walked through the locker room it was
empty. Most of the other boys were already in the showers and probably about to
be finishing up by now. He opened his locker, pulling out his backpack to shove
the paper inside, but decided he might as well take a glance at it before he
did.

He wished he hadn’t. Not now at least. ‘Bertholdt Fubar,’ the paper read. Why
him of all people?

He hadn’t talked to Bertholdt in years. The other boy lived down the street
form him and when they were kids they were inseparable, but once middle school
started their friendship begun to drift apart. Reiner blossomed, becoming open
and outgoing, making lots of friends. While Bertholdt withdrew into himself,
preferring to stay in, and grew shy and isolated. But that didn’t mean Reiner
wasn’t still aware of his presence.

Speaking of which he could hear that some of the guys were leaving the showers
now, and that meant not only the guys from his team, but also the track team,
which had their meets the same time as football practice. Bertholdt was on the
track team. This was where Reiner saw him the most. They didn’t have any
classes together and they didn’t hang out in the same crowds. Well, Bertholdt
didn’t hang out in any crowd, for all Reiner knew he only had one friend. Some
intimidating girl named Annie. But regardless, this was where he saw Bertholdt.
Running laps around the track that circled the football field, and then here in
the locker room, in the showers…

Reiner knew he was gay for years now, but hadn’t told anyone, and hadn’t done
anything about it. He didn’t have a problem keeping from looking at his
teammates while in the showers, but Bertholdt…Bertholdt he couldn’t help but
stare. Reiner couldn’t forget about him, even after they stopped talking. Once
the football and track teams started having practice at matching times he
couldn’t help eyeing his old friend. Bertholdt had always been taller than
Reiner but when they both hit puberty and they both grew exceptionally tall for
their age Bertholdt, still taller than Reiner, was slender and toned from
running, unlike Reiner who was large and bulky from muscle training. Reiner
couldn’t deny his attraction to him, and the fact that they were old friends
just made it more difficult. Every time they crossed paths or caught each
others gaze there was an awkward feeling that passed over him. Should he say
hi? Should he acknowledge him at all? They never did either, instead choosing
to ignore each other.

He often wondered what would of happened if they had never stopped talking,
maybe something could of happened and he wouldn’t feel so weird about this dumb
attraction to his old friend, but it was a stupid fantasy. Plus, he was pretty
sure he and that Annie chick were more than just friends anyway.

Despite being sure of his sexuality he couldn’t bring himself to be open about
it. There had never been any other boys at the school he felt any kind of
attraction to. Of course, there were guys he found good looking, but none he
felt the desire to pursue and none that he knew were openly gay. But mostly he
was unsure if he should come out or not. How would it affect his teammates?
Would they still trust him? Would they think differently of him? Would they be
uncomfortable around him? So, he kept it quiet. It didn’t matter since
Bertholdt was really the only other boy in the school he had any true desire
for.

Before he had tried to keep up airs, dating a few girls here and there, and
even sleeping with some of them. The only one he dated seriously was a girl
named Krista, and she was such an angel that he actually thought it could have
worked out between them, that was, until they tried to have sex with each
other. She was just so small and fragile and almost too cute. Reiner couldn’t
stay aroused, and they ended up not even finishing. Luckily, Krista was a nice
enough girl that she didn’t tell anyone. Now he gave up even trying, instead
telling people he just wanted to focus on practice and getting that scholarship
rather than dating, and that seemed to be good enough for most people.

He quickly shoved the paper into his backpack and began to pull his sweaty
clothes off, shoving them into his locker. Opting out of taking a shower he got
changed into his clean clothes and rushed to leave. He wondered if Bertholdt
even knew that he would be tutoring him yet, but he still didn’t want to risk
having to talk to him about it here in the locker room.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Notes
     This chapter has hints of a relationship between an adult and a
     minor, but it is not graphic, just to warn anyone who doesn't want to
     read that.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
“I don’t want to do this,” they sat in the library, at a small circular table
in the back far corner. It was Annie’s free period, and she was doing homework,
but it was Bertholdt’s lunch period, and he always came here to sit with her
instead of eating. He’d just end up sitting alone in the large crowded
cafeteria anyway.
“It could be worse,” she told him, not looking up from her anatomy textbook,
“at least you know him.”
That was true. Bertholdt began tutoring as part of a work-study program, a way
to make a couple extra bucks and hopefully look good on his college
applications. There was only one problem though. Bertholdt wasn’t a people
person. Every time he met with someone it was awkward and a long painful
process for both him and the other person. He was a well enough tutor, he
understood all the subjects and could explain them easily, but it was just
always so uncomfortable. Small talk was out of the question so he usually just
got right to the point and explained everything as quickly and simply as he
could. But when he was told he would be tutoring Reiner Braun, and even though
he knew him and they used to be close, he still felt uneasy.
“He hates me,” he finally sighed.
Annie looked up at him, her eyes glaring upward in impatience, “no he doesn’t.
Why would he?”
“I don’t know,” Bertholdt slouched over the table, absentmindedly thumbing
through the pages of a book he had intended to read, “He is the one who stopped
hanging out with me.”
“And none of that is your fault?” Annie shot back dryly. She shut her textbook
and stood, “you’re worrying to much. I doubt he even thinks about it.”
“But –”
“No,” she cut him off, collecting her things in her bag and slinging it over
her shoulder, “stop over thinking it and treat him the same as you would anyone
else.”
After she walked away Bertholdt turned back towards his book, opening it but
not really reading. It wasn’t in his nature to not over think things. Plus,
Annie didn’t know. Annie didn’t know the looks Reiner had given him. How he
stared at him. Bertholdt knew Reiner just thought of him as a weirdo. He was
probably embarrassed they were even friends to begin with. The other boy was
just so cool, and Bertholdt just wasn’t. It was so glaringly obvious once they
got to middle school, and even more so in high school. Reiner made more friends
and while at first Bertholdt was invited to their outings eventually he was
forgotten and left behind. He just couldn’t do it. He wasn’t cool. He wasn’t
laid back. He wasn’t outgoing. He wasn’t Reiner. It wasn’t surprising when
Reiner eventually got tired of Bertholdt hiding behind him all the time and
gave up trying to invite him to things, and then eventually gave up on their
friendship all together. In all honesty Bertholdt had felt abandoned, even
though he knew that was a naïve and selfish thing to think. Reiner didn’t owe
him anything, and he certainly didn’t owe him friendship just because they were
close when they were 10 and 11 years old. Bertholdt had accepted it, the fact
that he had lost contact with his only close friend. Hadn’t they promised to be
friends forever before entering the intimidating middle school, where there
would be more kids from different towns, and that regardless of what happened
they would stay friends no matter what? He couldn’t remember if that really
happened or if it was just a dream.
Now, in their senior year of high school, Bertholdt still hadn’t made more than
one friend, and even Annie had trouble tolerating him at times, or that’s how
Bertholdt felt at least. Even the other members on the track team didn’t know
him very well. The only thing they cared about was that he was fast, one of the
best runners they had. He was also very good at the long jump, due to his long
legs. It wasn’t that they hadn’t tried to get to know him, they had. They
invited him to things but Bertholdt always declined, never feeling very
confident enough to go out. Instead he stayed home and read, played video
games, watched movies (he loved movies and had a large collection of cult
classics, and even rare films.)
So he had this reputation at school of being the quiet, smart, perfect-student.
Basically, a nerd and a buzz-kill, and he knew that other students thought he
was weird. Despite his athletic abilities and his size his social awkwardness
still made him a target and he often got teased, called ‘mutant’ for his
height, or ‘beanstalk’ for his weight (he was underweight,) and of course,
‘loser.’ Especially when he couldn’t help but stammer in class when being
called on, even though he knew the answer, or sweat nervously whenever one of
his teachers would use his essays as prime examples of ‘how to get an A.’ He
didn’t want to be that guy, no one liked that guy. Even when other students
tried to talk to him he kept conversations short, giving quick and blunt
answers, not intentionally of course. He didn’t want to make it look like he
didn’t want to be their friends, but he didn’t know how else to handle it.
It was the reason he and Annie had been able to get along so well, she was
similar in her blunt and to the point answers, opting out of small talk, so
they fit well together. But she was the only person he ever really trusted
after Reiner, never being able to truly get over the feeling of abandonment,
even though he told himself he had and he knew it was trivial.
Being forced to meet with Reiner now was bringing all sorts of emotions to the
forefront of his mind. He couldn’t help but wonder how Reiner felt about this.
Would he ignore their past friendship the way he ignored him every time they
passed in the halls or the locker room? Or would he address it? Should
Bertholdt address it if he didn’t? Annie was right he was worrying too much.
Bertholdt decided he would treat Reiner the same way he treated every other kid
he tutored, short and to the point, quick and painless. But it didn’t help that
Reiner was attractive of course, which only added to all of his other
anxieties.
Bertholdt realized he was gay right after his final year of middle school, over
the summer, when he was 15 years old. Before that he hadn’t really thought
about it. Too young to care about those issues to begin with and since he
didn’t have many friends he didn’t think it raised a red flag that he wasn’t
attracted to any of his female class mates. He didn’t realize he was attracted
to men until he met a man named Erwin.
Before going to high school Bertholdt’s mother had nagged him into joining a
sports team, insisting that he had to be more social and make friends and ‘get
over himself and get out there because colleges will be looking for that sort
of thing.’ In the end he chose to join the track team, since it wasn’t really a
team and teamwork obviously wasn’t one of his strong points. Plus, he didn’t
mind running, but to prepare over the summer he started going to a park, which
had a track that he could run. He went every other day in the morning, starting
at 8AM, and ran for about an hour, stretching for a half hour before and after.
After a couple times of doing this he realized there was another man who ran
the track on the same schedule as he did, both showing up within minutes of
each other every time. They ran opposite ways on the track, meeting at the
center on each end multiple times and both giving each other a little nod in
acknowledgement. Eventually those nods turned to smiles and waves, until
finally Erwin approached him to actually talk.
Erwin was an older man, much older than Bertholdt, probably in his late 20’s.
He was tall, about an inch or two taller than Bertholdt, who at this age was
already around six feet tall. Erwin had strong features, a sharp jaw and high
cheekbones, piercing blue eyes, and blonde hair. Bertholdt could tell from his
loose fitting tank that he was muscular, showing off broad shoulders and
impressive arms. Bertholdt could recognize when someone was good looking, but
his attraction didn’t come until later.
“You have very nice form,” the older man told him, shocking Bertholdt as he
came up behind him while he was stretching after a run.
Bertholdt jolted up straight, turning and staring at him, barely registering
that the man he’d built some sort of report with was actually speaking to him.
“Are you training for something?” The man continued, unfazed by Bertholdt’s
obvious shock.
He dumbly nodded before stuttering out, “I’m on the track team.”
“Ah,” the other man smiled fondly, “I remember when I was on the track team, it
was hard work, but worth it. When do you graduate?”
“I graduated this year,” Bertholdt told him.
“I see, so you’re looking at colleges now then? I’m sure they’ll be happy to
have someone like you on their team.”
Oh, Bertholdt realized he had misspoken. He had graduated from middle school,
and this man thought he meant he graduated from high school, but Bertholdt
should have known to assume that most people don’t think about moving from
middle school to high school as graduating. It was too late though, Bertholdt
being too meek to correct himself now. He supposed it was his height that made
him look older, it was a common mistake he often dealt with.
“Have you trained in the long jump as well?” The older man kept talking when
Bertholdt didn’t.
“No,” he answered shortly and he shifted awkwardly under the man’s gaze as it
raked up and down his body.
“You should, you have good physique for it, nice long legs. ” Bertholdt
realized he wasn’t hiding the fact that he was taking his time eyeing him up,
slowly drifting his eyes up his legs and torso, “I’m sure you’d be incredible
at it.”
Bertholdt ducked his head, trying to hide his blush, rubbing at the back of his
neck as he did, muttering something of a thank you.
“I’m Erwin, by the way,” the man held out his hand and Bertholdt took it.
Bertholdt would never forget that moment as the first time anyone had ever
shown any kind of attraction to him. It was odd, considering he himself had
never been fond of how he looked, knowing that he was too tall and too skinny
and feeling awkward in his large lanky frame. He should have felt violated, and
he did a little at first, but Erwin’s smooth and calm voice made him go along
with everything he said. They started running together, making it a routine and
Erwin would help Bertholdt by giving him tips and helping him with stretching
exercises. And every time Erwin would drop subtle hints or innuendos Bertholdt
would simply blush and mumble something in response, and Erwin would laugh this
silky smooth laugh of his that made Bertholdt blush even more.
Eventually after a few weeks Erwin offered him a ride home. Bertholdt usually
road his bike to and from the park, but Erwin insisted he give him a ride.
“You trained hard today,” he said, “put your bike in my trunk and I will take
you home, you deserve the rest.”
Bertholdt shyly complied and once he got in the car Erwin promptly blew him
right then and there, in the parking lot of the isolated park. Not hesitating
once Bertholdt was in the car to pin him against the door and kiss him
furiously, before moving down his body, pushing up his shirt and kissing his
hot and sweating skin, sliding down his running shorts and sucking his cock
before Bertholdt could even say a word. Not that he would have, putting up no
protest at all, and not that he could have, since he couldn’t even form words
properly, only being able to gasp out ‘ahs’ and ‘ohs’ here and there.
He knew it was bad. Erwin didn’t know he was only 15, and Bertholdt let him do
this even though if anyone found out he’d get in a lot of trouble. Afterwards
he had Erwin drop him off a couple houses down from his actual home.
This relationship continued until the end of the summer, when Bertholdt told
him a made up story about going away to some college, and that was fine with
Erwin, who only saw their relationship as a playful fling. They never went out
together, or even exchanged phone numbers, the only time they met would be at
the track, and then it became a habit of Erwin taking him back to his place
were he taught Bertholdt things he didn’t know were even possible. Erwin didn’t
question his lack of experience despite his, or so he thought, age. He assumed
it was simply because Bertholdt wasn’t out of the closet yet, and hadn’t had an
opportunity to experiment, and he relished in the idea of teaching him anything
and everything.
That was Bertholdt’s first and last sexual relationship, and it was the only
form of a ‘relationship’ he had ever had. And even though at this point it was
undeniable that he was gay he still hadn’t come out. The only person who knew
was Annie, who had been very disappointed and shocked when Bertholdt confessed
to her about his relationship with the older man, but soon got over it. It had
been three years since then and Bertholdt was convinced he wouldn’t ever have
another relationship with another person, feeling ashamed of himself that he
had already thrown away his innocence at a young age without even knowing the
man’s last name. He didn’t want another relationship like that, when Annie had
suggested he try going out to 18+ gay bars to meet guys when Bertholdt had made
hints at being lonely in their more private conversations. He wanted something
real, but his inability to reach out to people made that difficult, as much as
he hated it he couldn’t help it, and he got teased enough as it was without
being openly gay. Nonetheless, he did miss it and yearn for the feeling of
someone else, someone else to be close with, not just physically like with
Erwin, but more than that.
So, yes, tutoring Reiner would be difficult in more ways than one.
Chapter End Notes
     Hello everyone, and thank you for reading and thank you to anyone who
     left kudos/comments. It means a lot! I hope you liked this chapter
     even though it was kind of slow and mostly a flashback...please let
     me know what you think if you'd like.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Notes
     This chapter is long, too long. I'm sorry. I was going to cut it in
     half but the first half seemed so boring so i kept it as one. I'm
     sorry.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Bertholdt sat in the library, waiting, with a stack of various textbooks in
front of him, everything ranging from pre-calculus to art history. He had his
notebook opened in front of him, the pages covered in scrawled out notes, and
he doodled in the margins as he not so patiently waited for Reiner.
Reiner, on the other hand, was stalling as much as he could. Standing out side
the entrance of the school and chitchatting with friends. He glanced at his
phone every couple of minutes. He should have been at the library 5 minutes
ago. 5 more minutes wouldn’t hurt.
“You need a ride Braun?” His fellow teammate, Jean, asked, twirling his keys on
his finger.
“Huh?” Reiner distractedly shoved his phone back into his pocket, “Uh, no, I’m
uh, staying after today.”
“Reiner has to study,” Marco informed him, and even with a slightly teasing
edge to his voice he gave Reiner a sympathetic look, “Coach set you up with a
tutor didn’t he?”
“Ah, what?” Jean groaned, “that blows. Is it at least with a hot girl?”
Reiner shrugged, “no, uh, it’s Bertholdt.”
“Who?” Jean questioned, quirking his head.
“Bertholdt Fubar?” Their other friend, Armin, chimed in. Reiner nodded. “He is
in my trig class, he’s quiet but he seems nice.”
“Yeah,” now Eren spoke up, “he’s on the track team. The tall one.”
Reiner simply nodded, acting like he knew just as little as Jean did, who made
an ‘aahhh’ sound once the other boy was described, ‘that guy,’ he said, ‘he’s a
giant isn’t me?’ ‘and quiet too,’ ‘how weird.’
They all were talking amongst themselves but Reiner wasn’t really paying
attention, pulling out his phone again to check the time. He supposed he
couldn’t put it off any longer. Mumbling a ‘see ya later’ to his friends he
went back inside the school, taking his time walking down the disserted
hallways until he reached the library.
Instantly he spotted Bertholdt sitting alone at a circular table near the back,
his large frame hunched over the surface, writing something in his notebook.
Slowly he approached him, setting down his backpack, causing the other boy to
flinch in surprise, before sitting down.
He mumbled a ‘sorry’ awkwardly, before scooting the chair forward to get
comfortable and pulling out his own books. Clearing his throat he looked across
the table at Bertholdt, who still hadn’t spoken, and smiled awkwardly, “so, uh,
how have you been?”
‘How have you been?’ Bertholdt repeated in his head. What did that mean? Was he
asking him how he had been all these years that they hadn’t spoken? He acted
like it had only been a couple weeks not a couple years.
“Fine,” Bertholdt decided to answer flatly, “you?”
“Alright,” Reiner forced a chuckle, trying to lighten to mood.
There was an uneasy moment of silence, before Bertholdt decided to break it by
reaching for the textbooks in front of him, “where do you want to start?”
Reiner had to compose himself before answering, being surprised at how
Bertholdt wasted no time getting straight to the point, though he guessed he
shouldn’t be. It wasn’t like Bertholdt to say anything, and he felt a little
bit of dejection as he realized if he didn’t say anything, then nothing would
come out of this, and fuck if he was going to do that.
“I suck at pre-calc the most,” Reiner answered, once again trying to keep a
light tone to his voice, even though Bertholdt’s face was blank of expression,
not even looking at him.
“Alright,” Bertholdt pulled out the pre-calc book.
Reiner watched as the other boy lifted the thick book up, cracked it open, and
thumbed through to a page full of exercises, then turned it around so it was
facing Reiner. He hadn’t realized he was staring, until Bertholdt looked up at
him, and their eyes met for the first time. Reiner quickly shifted his gaze
down to the book, fast enough that he missed the blush spread across
Bertholdt’s cheeks.
“You want me to do these?” Reiner asked, suddenly becoming aware that, yes,
this was a tutoring session, and yes, he’d have to actually do work, and no,
this wasn’t a time to just stare at the good-looking boy across from him.
“Yes,” Bertholdt answered shortly, “do them the best you can, then I will check
your work and be able to see where you went wrong.”
Reiner grunted in response, picking up his pencil and getting to work. It took
a while. Reiner struggled working his way through each problem. Bertholdt
waited patiently for him to be finished, watching closely at the other man. His
brow furrowed in concentration and his hand running through his hair in
frustration as he scribbled in his notebook.
Eventually he looked up, eyes locking once again, and Bertholdt looked away
briefly, fearing he’d been caught staring.
“I think I’m done,” he said, handing over his notebook.
Bertholdt scanned it, and Reiner anxiously waited, seeing the very unimpressed
look on the other boys face. Reiner knew it was trash. He couldn’t do math to
begin with let alone with Bertholdt staring at him, watching him, waiting to
see just how dumb he really was. It wasn’t right. Reiner didn’t get this way
around people ever. He was never one to feel uncomfortable or nervous or
inadequate (except for that time with Krista but that was different,) but in
the presence of Bertholdt everything came crashing down around him.
Slowly Bertholdt looked up at him, “you don’t know what you’re doing at all, do
you?”
Reiner bit his lip, for the first time feeling ashamed of his intelligence in
front of someone else, and shook his head.
Bertholdt sighed. Reiner inwardly kicked himself, thinking, ‘yup, he thinks
you’re a fucking moron.’
But that wasn’t why Bertholdt was sighing. He was sighing because he knew that
he’d be tutoring Reiner for a while, a long while, by the looks of these
answers, these horrible, misguided answers. Where did he even get this formula
from? Did he pull out of his ass? It didn’t matter, Bertholdt was sure if he
took it slow Reiner would get it, because he knew Reiner wasn’t stupid, maybe
he wasn’t book smart but he couldn’t be completely stupid. Only that was the
issue, ‘taking it slow,’ being forced to be around Reiner for longer than he
wanted. The atmosphere already heavy with neither of them knowing if they
should or shouldn’t address their past and Bertholdt always feeling a bit of
bitterness towards his old friend, hating him for how easy it was for him to
make new friends and just move on, while Bertholdt sulked in his loneliness for
years before being able to make just one new friend. It didn’t help that now,
up close, he could see how Reiner was even more attractive than he remembered.
He focused on ignoring him so much before that he had actually forgotten.
Reluctantly he stood, coming to terms that there was no other way around this,
and moved to the other side of the table, dragging his chair and sitting next
to Reiner. He’d have to, in order to properly show him the right formulas and
how to solve them. Getting right to the point he began explaining, using his
own pen in Reiner’s notebook and taking notes, circling what he did wrong and
correcting it, using the meticulous activity as a distraction for every other
feeling of frustration he was currently having. Frustration out of ‘fuck Reiner
for leaving me behind,’ and, ‘fuck Reiner for being so good looking,’ and ‘fuck
me for even feeling any of this to begin with.’
Reiner was dealing with his own frustration though. Being so close to
Bertholdt, their arm and shoulder being literally just an inch away from
touching, and he couldn’t focus on the work he should have been focusing on
because when he looked down at Bertholdt scribbling corrections in his notebook
he noticed his long slender fingers and large hands, that he hadn’t gotten a
close look at before, which just lead to traveling up his arm, and while even
covered from his sweater he could tell he was toned, (because he just knew – he
had seen him naked after all) to his broad shoulders, to his long neck, to the
profile of his face, and his mouth which was moving, and oh right, he was
talking.
“Do you understand?” Bertholdt asked, and no, Reiner didn’t, because what had
he even said before that?
Reiner gave him a sheepish look, “uh, no, not really.”
Bertholdt could tell he wasn’t paying attention, but he wasn’t going to say
anything. He should have expected as much. Of course Reiner wasn’t going to
take him seriously.
Reiner let out a light laugh, “you know, I think it’s this library. It’s too
stuffy in here. I can’t focus.”
He watched Bertholdt’s face closely, trying to gauge if he bought his excuse or
not. The other boy furrowed his brow, obviously not understanding, but he still
bought it.
“Where would you rather go?”
Reiner shrugged, “I dunno, maybe an internet café or something?”
Bertholdt didn’t say anything, but the look on his face said it all, as his
forehead crinkled in worry. Reiner couldn’t help but smile a little, thinking
fondly that, Bertholdt hasn’t changed much.
“Ok, never mind, what about a park?
Bertholdt just looked at him.
Reiner bit his lip, “ Well, I’d say my house, but my mom doesn’t know I’m
failing…”
Bertholdt said nothing, just looked down at the book in front of him, silent.
Reiner kept a sideward glance on his face, waiting for a reaction.
“We can meet at my place next time,” the other boy finally said, surprising
even himself.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Bertholdt sighed, “do you remember where it is?”
Reiner nodded, more enthusiastically than he intended, “of course.”
 
When next week rolled around there was no denying the anxiety both men felt in
anticipation for their next study session. Reiner felt guilty, the library
didn’t really bother him, and of course he felt like he was taking advantage of
Bertholdt’s naturally kind attitude allowing them to study at his home, but it
was too tempting to not agree to. He wondered if it had changed at all. He
wondered if Bertholdt’s parents would be home and if they’d remember him,
recalling all the times he had eaten dinner with them and spent the night there
whenever he and Bertholdt had sleepovers.
And then that’s when he started to get worried, the night before, lying in his
bed. Oh God, he’d be in Bertholdt’s house again. All of the implications
running through his mind. Of course, it was all fantasy, all the cheesy pornos
he’d seen of teacher and student or straight to gay frat guys coming to the
forefront. It was bad. Reiner needed to focus on his studies. He needed to make
sure he didn’t fail. Shadis set him up with a tutor to help him but Reiner was
starting to think it was doing the opposite. He decided tomorrow he wouldn’t
let himself get distracted. Even if he was going to be in Bertholdt’s house. It
wasn’t like they were hanging out. Just studying. Yes, just studying. No
teacher fucking student or straight frat boy experimenting here. Just studying.
Not even a second later that thought was thrown out the window, betrayed by his
mind the darkness of his bedroom. He wondered what it’d be like to get a
blowjob from Bertholdt. Would it be different than the girls he’d gotten them
from before? His hand slid under his boxers as he tried to focus on an image.
Bertholdt on his knees in front of him, but then their positions were switched.
Would he be good at giving blowjobs? It didn’t look hard, he thought, but
Bertholdt was tall, he probably had a dick that matched his height, and he
wondered if he’d be able to suck him off properly, have him flushed and panting
the same way he looked after a track meet and holy shit did he seriously just
off on the idea of giving another man a blowjob and not the other way around?
He fell into a restless sleep.
The next day they agreed to meet at Bertholdt’s house, not bothering to meet at
school before hand. Reiner avoided his teammates and friends, not wanting to
talk about where he was going. They’d asked him about the tutoring a little
bit, but Reiner just dismissed all their questions, saying all the typical
things like ‘it was a load of shit,’ or ‘it was boring as hell,’ and that he
was sure he’d ‘have everything down in like a week or two – no big deal.’
So he stood in front of Bertholdt’s front door, hesitating, before ringing the
bell. Unsurprisingly Bertholdt answered, nodding his head in greeting and
letting Reiner inside.
The house looked practically the same, but Reiner noticed it was quiet.
“Your parents aren’t home?” He asked as Bertholdt led him upstairs and Reiner
definitely was not looking at his ass.
“No,” Bertholdt simply answered, “mom works late nowadays and dad moved out a
while ago.”
“Moved out?”
“They got divorced in 8th grade,” Bertholdt opened his bedroom door, feeling
slightly embarrassed that his room hadn’t changed much since he was a kid. The
only thing different being the added collection of ever growing books and
movies.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Reiner mumbled, feeling bad for bringing it up, and also
feeling bad that that was also around the time they stopped being friends. He
wished he could have been there for him.
Bertholdt just shrugged, saying something about getting another chair before
leaving the room. Reiner dropped his backpack on the floor, walking around to
look at the shelves on each side of Bertholdt’s room, the twin bed in the
center, and his desk opposing it. He noted all the trophies and awards on the
shelf above his desk, track, long jumping, certificates of outstanding academic
achievements, there were so many.
Then he walked around looking at his bookshelves, pulling out some and thumbing
through the pages. When Bertholdt came back in the room he didn’t look at him,
just placed the chair he was carrying in front of his desk next to the other
one.
“Your room isn’t that much different from a library,” Reiner tried to joke,
putting the book back on the shelf.
Bertholdt gave him a look, mumbling a “sorry?” before sitting down and
gesturing for Reiner to sit too.
Reiner inwardly flinched, he guess Bertholdt wasn’t in the mood for jokes, and
sat down next to him, pulling out his book from his backpack.
Once again Bertholdt was all business, immediately starting by asking Reiner if
he had done the extra problems he had given him to practice with and checking
over them when Reiner gave them to him.
“Better,” Bertholdt finally spoke after a long silence, and Reiner felt a swell
of pride in his chest, but that instantly fell when Bertholdt finished his
thought, “still a lot of mistakes though.”
Reiner groaned, leaning back in his chair grumbling about ‘why does math have
to be so complicated?’ before eyeing all of Bertholdt’s awards again and
turning to look at him seriously, “hey, how do you do it?”
“Do what?” Bertholdt replied, not looking up from marking Reiner’s paper.
Reiner leaned over the desk; his thick arms resting heavily on the wooden
surface, taking up a lot of room, Bertholdt gave him a sideways glance.
“All the trophies and stuff,” Reiner explained, “and you still manage to get
good grades. How do you do it?”
Bertholdt shrugged, “I don’t know. I just do it.”
There was a tinge of sadness in his voice that Reiner didn’t understand, but it
made him sad too, and they sat in silence for another long moment.
Then, in an effort to lighten the mood, Reiner laughed, “hey, remember when we
were kids, and me, you, and Berik, would go to the woods across the
neighborhood and see who could climb the biggest tree the fastest.”
Bertholdt stopped what he was doing, pausing in shock. It was the first time
Reiner acknowledged how they used to be friends. That was when they were very
little, 8 and 9, before Berik moved away across the country. He couldn’t help
but smile at the memory. Reiner always won, because even then he had better
upper body strength than any of them, but Berik would always insist that he got
a just a little higher up than Reiner did, and they’d bug Bertholdt to pick the
true winner, but of course Bertholdt could never choose between them, always
saying it was a tie.
“Yeah,” he finally answered, allowing himself to show the fondness of the
memory in his voice.
“Man, it sucks those woods aren’t around anymore,” Reiner mused, talking about
the fact they’d been torn down to put up a strip mall. Bertholdt dully nodded
in agreement.
“If they were,” Reiner continued, “I’d challenge you again. Who do you think
would win now?”
Bertholdt pulled out another sheet of paper that contained more exercises on
it, “here,” he handed it to Reiner, ignoring his question, “do those.”
Reiner’s smile fell, his effort to get Bertholdt to lighten up failing, and he
reluctantly started work on the problems.
Bertholdt was feeling bitter once again. Angry that Reiner was suddenly acting
so casual with him like nothing had happened at all. Ignoring the fact that
they hadn’t spoken in years, and that Reiner had abandoned him for new friends,
and now he was acting like everything was ok. He regretted giving into the fond
memory before, only feeling sick now.
“I think you’d win now,” Reiner spoke quietly, his face facing downwards, voice
muffled, close to the paper in front of him as he worked, “I think you always
held back before anyway.”
Bertholdt blushed, ‘how did he know?’
“Maybe,” he answered, and Reiner felt a little bit of victory at getting the
response.
That was all it took for the tension to be slightly lifted from them, even
though Bertholdt felt a little reluctant about it. They began talking about old
times and suddenly were able to speak causally with one and another, although
there was definitely still something different in the air. Both of the men felt
like it was only them who felt it though. Reiner feeling like it was just his
own sexual tension from being in such close quarters to the boy he’d had a
crush on for a while, and Bertholdt thinking it was because he couldn’t shake
the bitterness he felt towards Reiner. Regardless, they both tried to act
normal as they shared friendly conversations and did homework.
When Reiner went to leave Bertholdt showed him to the door, reminding him to
work on the other set of problems he gave him, and that next week they’d start
working on biology.
“Yeah, yeah,” Reiner dismissed his words jokingly, and then smiled as he headed
out the door, “I’ll see you next week Bertl.”
Bertholdt stood holding the door open, staring at him, and Reiner suddenly
stopped moving when he realized he’d let his childhood nickname for Bertholdt
slip out.
“Oh, uh, sorry,” he chuckled, but it was obviously forced.
The other boy ducked his head in embarrassment at hearing the old nickname,
“it’s fine.”
Reiner let out another forced laugh before officially saying goodbye and
walking down the street. Bertholdt watched him go before shutting the door and
pausing to think about what just happened.
 
The next couple of weeks they continued to meet at Bertholdt’s house and they
continuously became more and more comfortable with each other, slipping back
into old habits and being able to speak and joke casually. It felt good.
Bertholdt was happy to have this connection again. Reiner was happy too, loving
to just be in the presence of Bertholdt, like old times, but different now. Of
course they were different now.
It made things weird at school. They still didn’t talk. Reiner had actually
begun avoiding Bertholdt completely at school, especially in the locker rooms.
Only because he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep himself from staring, and he
definitely didn’t want the other boy to notice, because now that they were
talking again, there was no way he wouldn’t notice. It was hard not to stare
before, just by the simple attraction of Bertholdt’s good looks, but now, now
Reiner was remembering why he and Bertholdt had gotten along so well to begin
with.
Suddenly, remembering how his quiet nature was calming to be around, providing
Reiner with a sort of steadiness that he couldn’t provide for himself or his
other friends. Bertholdt’s subtle sense of humor, that only came out on rare
occasions, but when it did, it was great and had Reiner laughing loud and hard.
But then he was also shy, and it was kind of adorable how Bertholdt would duck
his head when he was embarrassed, rub at the back of his neck when he was
nervous, shift awkwardly from foot to foot, stammer, and sweat in a panic. It
was too much, and Reiner thinks that maybe there was a reason they stopped
being friends. Maybe he had subconsciously pushed Bertholdt away because he
knew. He knew something about their friendship was different and wrong, and now
that he was older it was so obvious that his attraction was more than friends
and more than just physical desire.
Bertholdt on the other hand became more and more bitter. Thinking that Reiner
was avoiding him at school because he was embarrassed to been seen with him in
front of his other friends. He wouldn’t say anything though, even though he
wanted to so badly. Wanted to ask him why or how Reiner could be so nice
outside of school, alone in his house, but at school he seemed so cold. It
wasn’t fair and Bertholdt hated it. He hated it even more that he couldn’t help
but still have a good time when they met every week, and that he had actually
began to look forward to it, even though it was just studying. It was still
fun, and he hated himself for allowing Reiner to treat him like a friend and a
stranger at the same time.
Today, Reiner sat on his bed, waiting as Bertholdt began to gather some notes
together. Reiner lazily leaned back, his hands behind his head, as scanned all
the movies lined against Bertholdt’s wall.
“Hey, let’s watch a movie.”
“What?” Bertholdt turned to eye the other boy, who seemed to have made himself
incredibly comfortable in his bed, just like back when they were younger.
“Yeah,” Reiner sat up and moved over to the shelves, tracing his finger over
the titles of the movies, stopped at one and then looked back at Bertholdt,
“come on, I’ve been doing good haven’t I? Don’t you think we deserve a day
off?”
Bertholdt bitterly thought that they could just do it on another day if Reiner
wasn’t so embarrassed to be his friend, but with Reiner looking at him like
that he couldn’t say no.
Reiner could already tell from his expression that he had given in, and smiled
widely as he took out the movie he had stopped at. It had Japanese text on the
side so he couldn’t read it and he looked at the cover.
“Goke: Body Snatchers from Hell?”
Bertholdt moved next to him, grabbing the movie, and smiling slightly while
looking at the cover, “yeah, it’s an old cheesy Japanese horror film.”
“What like Godzilla?” Reiner asked, grabbing the movie back to read the
description.
“Kind of,” Bertholdt answered, “probably even cheesier than that.”
“Sounds fun, let’s watch it,” Reiner smiled at him, and Bertholdt smiled back,
before leading them to the living room where they sat on the couch and he
popped the movie in.
Reiner couldn’t believe anything could be cheesier than Godzilla but holy hell
was this cheesy. He and Bertholdt spend most of the time laughing at the
hilarious dialogue and awful special effects. Reiner asks him something like
‘Jesus, why do you even own this?’ and Bertholdt tells him he just likes to
collect rare old films, regardless of content.
“That’s weird Bertl,” Reiner teases, “Between studying, running track, and
watching shitty movies I really don’t know how you do it all.”
“Ah, I don’t know,” he looks away and ducks his head, and Reiner hears that
tinge of sadness in his voice he heard before and instantly feels bad, “I guess
I don’t have much else to do.”
Reiner thinks for a moment, feeling guilty, and picking up the loneliness in
his voice.
“Hey,” he suddenly sits up straight, turning to face Bertholdt on the couch,
and God, he can’t believe he’s about to do this but he does, “we should hangout
some time, like not for tutoring or whatever.”
Bertholdt stares back at him in surprise and Reiner stares back, inwardly
kicking himself. He was just asking him to hang out, not asking him on a
fucking date, so why did he feel so nervous.
Finally, after a moment that felt like forever, Bertholdt shakes his head, and
Reiner’s heart drops.
“N-no,” the taller boy sputters out, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Reiner’s heart flutters, wondering, why could Bertholdt think it was a bad
idea. Reiner knew it was a bad idea because he knew he’d end up torturing
himself, could it be Bertholdt felt the same?
He had to ask, “why?”
Bertholdt let out a frustrated sigh; realizing that he couldn’t take it anymore
and he had to say something. He had to say something because it was just
getting too aggravating.
“Why? Because you’ll hang out with me outside of school but you wont talk to me
in school.”
‘Oh,’ Reiner hadn’t been expecting that answer, and his heart dropped. Of
course Bertholdt wasn’t holding unrequited feelings for him. He just thought he
was a dick. ‘Great.’
“We just don’t see each other a lot in school,” Reiner dumbly answers, knowing
it’s a terrible excuse.
Bertholdt shoots him a dirty look, “we used to see each other more, and even
then you didn’t acknowledge me, and now you see me even less.”
The tall boy shakes his head, feeling overwhelmed about suddenly talking so
much, thinking back to a conversation he and Annie had had recently.
-
“You like him?” Annie had asked, but she wasn’t really asking.
“N-no!” Bertholdt was quick, too quick, to answer, “he’s a jerk.”
She had simply raised an eyebrow.
Bertholdt then rushed to explain, “sure he acts all friendly with me when we’re
alone but he doesn’t even act like I exist at school. He wont even look at me,
let alone talk to me.”
She hummed in response and Bertholdt hated her because for some reason he kept
talking, like she can always get him to do.
“I mean, yes, he’s good looking, but that doesn’t make up for the fact that he
is a shallow jock who only cares about how he looks in front of his jock
friends and I guess I’m not good enough to be seen with.”
“So you like him,” she deadpanned.
Bertholdt had glared at her, but instantly felt ashamed and softened his
expression into one of distress, slumped down against the table in the library
and groaned, “I think I always did.”
-
That was when Bertholdt realized he wasn’t only bitter at Reiner for leaving
him, at his most vulnerable, when Berik left as well, and then his father on
top of that, but because he had a crush on him. He didn’t realize it then
because he was so young, but looking back now it was so obvious. How he wanted
to spend every moment with him and how he looked up to him and how he just
wanted to make him happy. Then when he grew this resentment for him he forgot
all that, focusing only on how lonely he felt and this terrible feeling of
abandonment. But now, now that he was spending time with him again, and at
first being completely fine with admitting that he was gay and that it was
totally normal for him to find a guy like Reiner good looking, he realized that
he wasn’t just bitter because of their past friendship or because of his good
looks, but because he genuinely liked him.
So he couldn’t deal with Reiner treating him so nicely alone, but ignoring him
at school, and he couldn’t believe it but he had finally said something.
Already regretting it and feeling hot from shame and nervousness, but Reiner
asking him to hang out had just been the straw to break the camel’s back.
Reiner took a moment to compose himself, trying desperately to come up with an
excuse that wasn’t, ‘it’s because I have a huge crush on you and you’re so
fucking hot I can’t keep my eyes off you in the showers.’
“I’m sorry,” he finally landed on lamely, “it’s not intentional.”
Bertholdt rubbed the back of his neck, speaking so softly Reiner almost
couldn’t hear him, his arm adding an extra beerier between them, “yes it is. I
know you’re embarrassed to be my friend.”
“What?” Reiner was truly shocked, “is that what you think?”
Letting out another sigh Bertholdt dropped his arm, but kept staring straight
ahead, not looking at Reiner, “I know everyone thinks I’m some weird loser.”
“No! That’s not true,” Reiner tried to comfort him, watching as Bertholdt
lifted his long legs up onto the couch and buried his face in his knees. It’d
be cute if it wasn’t for the circumstances, Bertholdt always did this since
they were kids as well, Reiner recalled fondly.
“Yes it is,” he heard Bertholdt’s muffled voice. Reiner felt dejected, because
it was kind of true. The other guys did tease him a little bit, but it wasn’t
like they didn’t like him. They all thought he was nice but just quiet, and
maybe a little awkward.
“Look, no one dislikes you, they just don’t know anything about you,” he
hesitantly put a hand on Bertholdt’s shoulder, “and I’m not ashamed to be your
friend.”
There was no response from the other boy, but he didn’t move away from Reiner’s
touch so he supposed that was a good sign. Reiner then came up with an idea.
“Hey, there’s a party this weekend at Jean’s place. You should come.”
That got Bertholdt to lift his head, but he still didn’t look at Reiner. He
thought for a moment, wondering what he should do. He wanted to spend time with
Reiner outside of their tutoring sessions, and he supposed it would prove
Reiner wasn’t ashamed of him, but the idea of going to a party with a bunch of
people he didn’t really know made him nervous.
Finally he looked at Reiner, “can I bring Annie?”
Reiner removed his hand from his shoulder, feeling like he just had cold water
poured on top of him. Bertholdt just wanted Annie to be there to keep him
company, knowing how popular Reiner was he doubted he’d be able to spend the
whole night with him, and the idea of standing alone in a house full of
strangers was incredibly daunting. Reiner, on the other hand, took it as
conformation that Bertholdt and Annie were in fact an item.
He nodded; forcing the best fake smile he could, “yeah of course, the more the
merrier, right?”
Chapter End Notes
     Hope you liked this chapter (even though it was stupid long.) Thanks
     to everyone who left kudos and comments last time! It means a lot!
     Please leave comment if you would like! Thanks again! :)
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Notes
     Because Reiner being blunt is cannon isn't it?
See the end of the chapter for more notes
“How about this?”
“Fine.”
“You aren’t even looking,” Bertholdt grumbles, straightening out his clothes as
he stood in front of his mirror in his bedroom. Annie lay sprawled out on his
bed, staring up at the ceiling with disinterest.
“The last three flannels you tried on all look the same,” she replies, without
looking in his direction, “I don’t know what you’re so worked up about anyway.”
Bertholdt shakes off the grey flannel and puts the green one back on, “this is
my first party.”
“So?” Annie sits up, giving him a curt nod when he turns to look at her,
spreading his arms in a ‘what-about-this?’ way, “it’s just going to be a bunch
of drunk idiots. It’s pointless.”
“Annie, please,” Bertholdt gives her a pleading look, “I know you don’t care
but this is important to me.”
She rolled her eyes, “I’m going aren’t I?”
“Yes, and I appreciate it. I owe you one.”
“Yeah you do,” she stands and pulls her car keys out of her oversized light
blue hoodie pocket. Bertholdt gives her a look. “What?”
He shrugs, “nothing…you’re just so…casual.”
The short girl glares at him, “I’m not trying to impress anyone, unlike you.
Just don’t get drunk and leave me alone, sober, and miserable.”
Bertholdt blushes, “You know I wont. And I’m not trying to impress anyone…”
She quirks an eyebrow before turning as they headed out of Bertholdt’s house.
Glancing over her shoulder she speaks, “you mean you aren’t trying to get
yourself drunk enough to make a move on Reiner?”
“Annie,” he hisses, following her out to her car.
“What? Isn’t that why you changed your outfit a million times?”
Bertholdt simply mumbles something of a denial in reply as they get in her car
and drive to the party in silence.
 
Reiner, who was already at the party, had stripped down to his white tight
fitting undershirt, already getting hot from the three shots of vodka he had
put down.
“I can’t believe you invited them to my house,” Jean groans, mixing a drink of
his own; two shots of vanilla vodka, half a glass of orange juice, the other
half citrus tonic water, and then an extra two sugar packets mixed in. Jean was
always kind of a baby when it came to drinking.
“What?” Reiner throws back another shot, “what’s two extra people? Plus,
they’re cool.” Well, Reiner didn’t really know Annie but he was sure she was
fine, a little scary, but then again so was Mikasa at first.
“I’m not trying to get the cops called,” Jean further complains, taking a sip
of his fruity fizzy drink, “there’s already too many people here.”
He scans the group of teenagers mingling in his living room and kitchen. His
parents were away for the weekend, which was pretty typical of them, and his
house had become known for its parties. Jean swore more people showed up every
time, some he didn’t even recognize. Then his gaze fell back on the large
blonde next to him standing at the island in his kitchen, throwing back yet
another shot.
“Hey man, shouldn’t you slow down? What are you in a rush for?”
Reiner just waves his hand at him, brushing the subject off and giving him a
goofy grin, his face already tinted pink from drunkenness.
Honestly he didn’t know why he kept knocking down shot after shot. He didn’t
even like vodka. It was just one of those nights where he just really wanted to
get drunk. Usually at Jean’s parties he would only get a little tipsy, but on
some occasions he just wanted to get fucked up, and this was one of those
occasions.
 
Bertholdt hesitated outside the door, already intimidated by the loud music and
sounds of plenty of voices implying there were a decent amount of people
inside. Annie pushed past him, opening the door and leading them inside.
By now there was already a mix of tipsy and drunk students partying in what
seemed like every corner of the house. Armin spotted them first and since he
knew them from trig class he came over to greet them, telling them he was glad
to see them here, and told them where they could get a drink, he himself with a
red plastic cup in his hand, but he didn’t seem tipsy at all.
They made their way to the kitchen, Annie saying she wanted to see if Jean had
any soda or anything nonalcoholic other than water, and possibly some food.
Bertholdt trudged behind her as they pushed through the mingling crowd, only
being able to recognize some of them.
As they approached the kitchen he could already hear Reiner’s loud voice, and
to his horror it was soon directed at him.
“Bertl!” The blonde boy yelled, and waved for them to come over. Bertholdt
heard Annie mutter a ‘Jesus’ under her breath, already fed up with his high-
energy drunkenness.
Reiner introduced them to everyone properly, even though they all already sort
of knew each other just from seeing each other around at school. Bertholdt
wanted to say, ‘please don’t call me Bertl,’ but couldn’t find his voice over
Reiner’s loud one and all the other sounds in the room.
“Bertl,” Reiner threw an arm around him, and Bertholdt was a little taken aback
by the thick smell of alcohol on his voice. He had never seen him like this
before. “I’m glad you came. Annie too,” he added as an after thought. Annie
simply nodded at him, brushing by to open Jean’s fridge as if she had been
living there forever. Jean would have protested if she didn’t have that scary
look on her face.
“Everyone this is Bertl,” Reiner kept talking, and Bertholdt flinched again at
his nickname being used in front of so many people, “he’s the shit. And he’s
smart as fuck. So listen to him.”
Reiner was rambling now, drunk and practically hanging off the taller boy, and
if no one knew any better they’d think Bertholdt was drunk too with how red his
face was and how hot he was getting, beginning to sweat out of panic at all the
attention. Everyone else seemed to brush it off though; the only people within
ear shot of the kitchen simply chuckling at Reiner’s antics, or were too busy
with their own to care.
“Do you want a drink?” Reiner pulls away from Bertholdt after what felt like
forever and leads him over to the island in the center of the kitchen where
various bottles are lined up.
“If there’s anything left,” Jean snickers over the rim of his glass, “you’ve
practically drank that whole supply yourself.”
“Don’t complain just because you can’t keep up with your sissy drinks,” Reiner
snaps back jokingly and Jean makes a face back at him. He turns back to
Bertholdt, who was nervously eyeing the different bottles. He had never even
drank before, since they were underage, and since this was his first proper
high school party, he had never had the opportunity before.
“What’ll it be?” Reiner looks up at him. Bertholdt glances over at Annie, who
was now leaning against the counter, a soda can in her hand. She gives him a
pointed look but shrugs anyway, giving him permission.
“Um,” Bertholdt stutters, unsure and not wanting to embarrass himself. Even in
Reiner’s drunken state he could pick up on Bertholdt’s uneasiness, and he
wanted this to be a good experience for Bertholdt. He wanted Bertholdt to want
to come out and hang out again. It made him sad to think that he was always
alone in his room.
“Here,” Reiner grabs a red plastic cup and a shot glass. He pores two shots
into the red cup, and then fills the rest up with soda, handing it to
Bertholdt, who takes it with a small smile. He sips at it and it tastes heavy
with alcohol, the soda not helping very much at all, and he gives Annie a look,
to which she just smirks at him in return.
Most of their time was spent there in the kitchen. Bertholdt took a spot
leaning against the counter with Annie, slowly sipping at his drink and already
feeling the affects of it creeping up on him. He noticed Reiner take a couple
more shots sporadically throughout the next hour and Annie made quiet remarks
about how pathetic it was. Not just Reiner, but the other teenagers who would
stumble into the room and grab another drink before leaving back to go out the
living room.
It was a little awkward. He and Annie stayed quiet most of the time, watching
everyone else interact with each other, and Bertholdt thanked himself for being
smart enough to bring her along because he couldn’t imagine himself standing
here alone while watching Reiner get drunk with Jean and Marco, their voices
loud and booming the drunker they got.
Then there was a moment Reiner’s eyes connected with his and Bertholdt hadn’t
realized he was staring but he guessed he was because there was Reiner staring
right back at him, face red and with a dumb smile. The large blonde boy turns
to Jean and Marco, mumbling something before coming over to Bertholdt.
“Hey Bertl, let’s go outside, I wanna ask you something,” he slurs as he walks
up to him, and then he looks to Annie, “it ok if I steal him for a sec?”
Annie quirks a brow at him, trying to hide her smirk, knowing without even
looking that Bertholdt was probably sweating up a storm, and simply shrugs in
response, waving her hand as if to say ‘go ahead and take him.’
Reiner leads him outside on Jean’s back deck, where they lean against the rail,
Reiner putting his weight heavily on it, while Bertholdt simply rests his
elbows on it, his drink held loosely in his hands.
“Are you having fun?” Reiner asks, lifting his head to look up at the taller
boy and Bertholdt nods, offering him a small smile. “Good, I want you to have
fun.”
Bertholdt ducks his head, unsure what to say in response. He couldn’t tell if
the other boy was being genuine or if he just pitied him. Only inviting him
because he felt bad that Bertholdt was such a hermit. But Bertholdt was trying,
even if he wasn’t really having fun, he didn’t want to be a hermit, it was just
easier that way.
He was ripped from his thoughts when Reiner started laughing loudly, throwing
his head back and then running a hand over his face once he calmed down,
letting out a blubbering sigh before slurring out, “hey Bertl, do you ever
wonder what it’d be like to suck a guy’s dick?”
Bertholdt’s heart practically stops in shock and he turns his head to gape at
him. That was not what he was expecting him to say at all.
“W-what?” He manages to sputter out.
Reiner just laughs again, dropping his head and running a hand through his
hair. Then after a moment he turns to look at Bertholdt seriously, the alcohol
making him feel bold as he places a hand on the taller boys shoulder.
“Look,” he begins, his voice slurring slightly less with the now serious tone
it had taken, “I know we kinda had a falling out, and I’m sorry, but we go way
back ya know?”
He gestures his other hand between them before leaving it resting on his own
chest, leaning a little closer to Bertholdt as he continued, “and I feel like I
can trust you more than the other guys.”
Bertholdt nods, unable to find to his voice still, Reiner’s face so close to
his as his neck was craned upwards to look at him.
“I think I’m gay.”
Bertholdt’s jaw dropped. He really wasn’t expecting him to say that either.
The alcohol in Reiner’s blood had loosened him up enough to come clean.
Realizing once he got a glance at Bertholdt leaning against the counter with
Annie that he had to say something even if a relationship with him in
particular was hopeless. He had been so frustrated and angry with himself the
past couple of weeks and it was driving him insane, that on top of the heavy
studying and still intense football practice, he needed this. That’s why he
needed to get fucked up. And that’s why he needed to come clean, and out of all
his friends, Bertholdt was the one to do it to, even if he couldn’t share his
true feelings about him specifically.
He was laughing again without even realizing it, and he pulled away from
Bertholdt to lean back on the rail of the deck, “it just feels really good to
get that off my chest, ya know? I haven’t told anyone.”
He gives Bertholdt a sideways glance, who was still standing in the same
position in shock, “please don’t tell anyone. I don’t want to weird out any of
the other guys.”
Bertholdt snaps out of his shock and nods, “oh, no, of course, I wont, uh, I
wont tell anyone,” he stammers.
“Thanks,” Reiner lets out a dry laugh, “I just, I dunno what to do about it ya
know? I mean I dated some girls and that just…that was terrible,” he groans,
“but I dunno, I haven’t…you know. I just, I mean, I know you couldn’t
understand, Annie and all…” he pauses, sighing, and then looks back at
Bertholdt, “I’m sorry, I just needed to tell someone.”
His voice was still slurring and Bertholdt wasn’t even sure if he’d remember
this later. He couldn’t believe Reiner had just told him he was gay, and what
did he say about Annie? He didn’t even know since his head was reeling from the
sudden influx of information. He wanted to comfort him, to tell him it was ok
and that ‘hey me too!’ but nothing came out of his mouth. He continued to look
down dumbly at him, simply nodding and telling him it was fine and that he
wouldn’t tell anyone else. Then, they walked back into the house where Reiner
stumbled past the kitchen and into the living room, passing out on the couch,
ignoring the couple that was sitting there making out.
Bertholdt walks straight to Annie, putting his drink on the counter, “let’s
go,” he tells her and she instantly gets the hint, putting her soda down and
leading them to her car.
The car ride is quiet and thick and heavy with tension because Annie knows
something is wrong but she wont say anything. The music on the radio plays
softly in the background and when they pull up to Bertholdt’s house he leans
over to shut it off.
“Reiner’s gay.”
“What?” Annie snaps her head in his direction, and Bertholdt swears he’s never
seen her this interested in anything before.
“He just told me,” Bertholdt explains.
“Did he make a move on you?” She asks, showing a slight concerned expression.
“N-no,” he sighs, letting his head fall back on the car seat’s headrest, “he
just said he was confused or something and had to tell someone and that he
trusted me the most since we are old friends.”
She hums, thinking for a moment, “did you –?”
“No,” he answers quickly this time, “I think he thinks me and you are
together.”
“And you didn’t correct him?” The disapproval was strong in her voice.
“I couldn’t even speak!” Bertholdt whines, “I was so shocked. Plus, he was so
drunk I don’t even know if he will remember.”
“You should still tell him,” she says, turning back to face the steering wheel
and placing her hands on it, signifying she was done with the conversation.
Bertholdt ducks his head, letting out a long sigh, before hunching out of the
car and sulking up to his house without another word.
Chapter End Notes
     Thank you so much to everyone who is reading and leaving kudos and
     comments! It means a lot, really, thank you! Also, shout out to
     everyone who is reading on tumblr~ <3
     I hope you liked this chapter even though i think it's a little short
     (at least compared to the last one - i don't know if that's a good or
     bad thing?) but anyway i hope you enjoyed and please leave a comment
     if you would like, and thanks again!
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Notes
     Hey everyone, quick update for you all, since everyone is being so
     nice. I hope you like this chapter!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Now it was Bertholdt’s turn to avoid Reiner. After track meets he ran straight
home instead of stopping at the showers first, not wanting to see Reiner at
all, not even knowing what he should say to him. Since he didn’t know if Reiner
even remembered he wasn’t sure if he should just act normal or say something or
what, so he just avoided the situation completely.
But Reiner did remember, much to his own dismay. He woke up the next day after
the party aching and grumpy, and sick, really sick, but even after he had puked
he still felt ill when he remembered his conversation with Bertholdt. He
couldn’t believe he had told him he was gay, and did he say something about
sucking dick? What the fuck was he thinking?
It didn’t slip by him when Bertholdt started avoiding him that following
Monday. The party was supposed to make them closer, to make both he and
Bertholdt more comfortable with each other not just out of school, but also in
school as well, but Reiner had fucked that up. He assumed he must have made the
other boy so uncomfortable that he didn’t even want to talk to him anymore, and
it made him feel pretty shitty. He didn’t blame Bertholdt for avoiding him,
knowing that me messed up pretty badly. Reiner himself was a little grateful
for it actually, because he had no idea what he would say to him. If he should
apologize or just act like everything was normal, he really didn’t know.
It wasn’t so much the fact that Reiner told him he was gay, Bertholdt realized,
that obviously didn’t matter, and he would be supportive even if it meant he
wasn’t specifically attracted to him. It was when he got that glimmer of hope
that ‘yes, the boy I like it also gay so I may have a chance,’ was crushed the
moment he realized there was no possible way Reiner could be attracted to him.
Looking back at the other girls Reiner had dated it seemed like he had a type.
His last girlfriend, Krista, Bertholdt knew her from his history class, was the
exact opposite of him. She was short, adorable, pale skin with blue eyes and
blonde hair. While Bertholdt was tall, even taller than Reiner, masculine with
his broad shoulders, dark tan skin with black hair and dark eyes. Not to
mention the fact that Krista was incredibly friendly and everyone liked her and
knew her, unlike Bertholdt who was quiet and kept to himself and people often
had to ask ‘who?’ when ever they heard his name. She made a good counter part
to Reiner, and he figured maybe Reiner would be more interested in a guy like
Armin more than himself.
That’s what made it difficult to deal with. Even if he did tell Reiner that he
was also gay he figured it was hopeless. Reiner confided in him because he
trusted him, as an old friend, nothing more. It didn’t help that Reiner had
made that statement, expressing his inexperience and curiosity about being with
another man. It was weird to think that Bertholdt was more experienced than he
was, and Bertholdt often thought back to his first time sucking Erwin’s cock,
imagining it as Reiner in his position. But it would be different, he was sure.
Reiner wouldn’t be as nervous as Bertholdt was, just based on his nature, and
Bertholdt wouldn’t be able to guide him in the same smooth voice that Erwin
had. Either way, Reiner’s confession had made Bertholdt more sexually
frustrated than ever before. He didn’t masturbate a lot, but when he did it was
hard not to let his mind travel to the only physical contact he had ever had,
so before he always thought of Erwin, the way the older man had handled him,
with a calm and powerful voice, but now he kept seeing Reiner in his place, and
it made it even harder to look at him, thus he began avoiding him.
“You can’t avoid him forever,” Annie told him as they sat in the library during
her free period and his lunch.
“I know,” he answers flatly.
“You tutor him tomorrow don’t you?”
“Yes,” once again giving her a short answer, not in the mood to talk.
She gets the hint, knowing that everything she could tell him he already knows,
but pushed forward anyway, “what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” he sighed, “I’m afraid to be alone with him honestly.”
“You make it sound like he’s going to jump you or something,” she gives a short
scoff.
He glares at her, “I just know it’s going to be awkward.”
“Are you sure he even remembers?”
“No,” he thinks for a moment, “but I don’t trust myself to make it not
awkward.”
“Yeah, awkward is kind of your thing isn’t it?” She jokes dryly, but Bertholdt
doesn’t laugh.
After a moment she continues, “Why don’t you ask him to tutor somewhere else.
Somewhere public. So you wont feel any pressure from being alone.”
Bertholdt ponders that for a moment, thinking that it isn’t that bad of an
idea. If they were in a public place there would be no pressure to have an
overly private or personal conversation, and hopefully he could just force
himself into acting normal.
The next day Reiner was surprised when Bertholdt came up to him after school.
He knew they had tutoring today, which he was dreading, but usually they just
met at Bertholdt’s house, so having the taller boy come find him before hand
was out of the ordinary.
“Reiner,” Bertholdt walked up to him, he was standing with Jean and Marco, and
he waved to them meekly.
“What’s up Bertholdt?” Reiner asked trying to sound as casual as possible, “we
still studying today?”
Bertholdt nods and rubs the back of his neck nervously, “yeah, I just thought
we’d go to that Internet café instead.”
Reiner was slightly taken aback by the offer, knowing Bertholdt hated those
places, but agreed regardless, happy for the change of scenery since he was
also dreading being alone with Bertholdt in his room after what happened.
“Alright yeah, let’s go.”
“Don’t work him too hard,” Marco joked as they walked away with a wave of
goodbye.
“Yeah, he’s been fucking up on the field recently,” Jean snickered, “apparently
dumb Reiner is better at football than smart Reiner.”
Reiner rolls his eyes, shaking his head at Bertholdt playfully. On the inside
he was cringing though, knowing the real reason he was fucking up on the field
recently was not only because he couldn’t find as much time to work out from
studying but also because of all the added stress. Bertholdt, on the other
hand, was inwardly cringing at the other implications of Marco’s words.
They walked to the Internet café that wasn’t far from the school. It was mostly
silent except for a couple of comments Reiner made about recent practices. When
they got there they picked a seat at a table near the front, away from the line
of people ordering drinks and food. They got themselves situated, pulling out
and piling all their books and notes on the small circular surface. Then before
getting to work they got themselves some coffee.
Once energy fueled by caffeine they began to focus starting with Reiner
complaining about how difficult the reading Bertholdt gave him last week was
and Bertholdt smiled at him fondly, grabbing his notes and checking them over.
“It is a lot to register,” he mumbled, reading Reiner’s summary of the essay
written by Baudelaire for their history class.
“It’s like he’s speaking a different language,” Reiner groaned in response.
“You got most of what he had to say,” Bertholdt reassures him, putting down the
paper before standing up, collecting some of their trash to throw away, “just
to clear some space,” he explains before heading over to the trash can. On his
way back to the table he stops.
“Bertholdt?”
Standing in front of the door was a man who had just walked in, wearing a black
suit and holding a black leather bag.
“E-Erwin?” Bertholdt stutters in shock. It had been three years since he had
last seen the older man, and he was careful to avoid the park they always ran
at, which was a little ways away from the high school, and Erwin’s house was
even further past that park, so Bertholdt was surprised to see him in this area
of town, after managing to avoid him for so long. He was also surprised to see
him wearing a nice fitting sleek suit, instead of the work out clothes he was
used to seeing him in. Reiner looked up from where he was sitting at the table
between the two of them, confused.
The older man approached him, “Bertholdt, it’s been so long hasn’t it?”
“A-ah, yes, it has,” Bertholdt answers, ducking his head in embarrassment,
peaking up at the older man through his bangs.
“You’ve grown,” Erwin points out, “didn’t I used to be taller than you?”
Bertholdt lets out a nervous laugh, “only a little bit.”
“That’s not the only thing that’s changed,” Erwin smirks at him, a little hum
leaving his lips as he takes a moment to look the other boy up and down,
“You’re looking well.”
Bertholdt tries to hide his blush by ducking his head again, and he prayed
Reiner was far enough out of earshot even though he knew that probably wasn’t
the case.
“Are you graduating soon?” Erwin continued, but then as an after thought he
adds, “It’s an odd time to be home visiting, isn’t it?”
“Y-yes,” Bertholdt simply answers, ignoring the last part of the question.
Erwin thought he was at a college a state away, and in the middle of the
semester it made no sense for him to be here locally.
“Well,” Erwin looks down at the table where Reiner is sitting, staring up at
them, “I’m going to grab a coffee.”
Bertholdt nods as the older man brushes past him, making it a point to place a
hand on his waist as he gently pushes him out of the way. Bertholdt sits back
down at the table, head ducked low, praying that Reiner can’t see how red his
face is.
“Who was that?” Reiner asks.
Bertholdt rakes his brain trying to come up with an excuse, “he was, uh, an old
trainer of mine. For track.”
“Oh, that’s cool,” Reiner muses, glancing back at the fancy looking man who was
at the counter ordering coffee. Even Reiner couldn’t help but stare for a
moment, silently admitting to himself that he was hot, and then, after thinking
for a second, he decided this would be a good time to mention the elephant in
the room.
He turned back to Bertholdt with a grin, “wish I could get a personal trainer
like that.”
Bertholdt’s head snapped up to look at him, “w-what?”
Reiner shrugged, “he’s hot.”
The other boy stuttered for a moment, unsure what to say.
Reiner cleared his throat, forcing a fake laugh, “I’m sorry about the other
night. If, you know, if it made you uncomfortable.”
“No, no,” Bertholdt was quick to answer, “not at all. I just, I wasn’t sure if
you remembered…”
“Ah, yeah,” Reiner chuckled, “I’m sorry about that too. I usually don’t get
that drunk.”
Bertholdt laughed as well, “It’s ok.”
Then Reiner got a little more serious, “but really, Bertl, I’m glad I told you.
It really did make me feel better. Thanks for listening. Even though I’ve been
a shitty friend.”
“It’s fine,” Bertholdt answers earnestly, “really, I don’t mind…and you aren’t
a shitty friend.”
Reiner waves a hand at him while snorting, knowing the other boy is just being
to nice to admit that he really is a shitty friend. He is about to say so when
the older man from before comes back over to their table.
“Bertholdt,” he starts, handing him a business card, “it was nice to see you
again. Please, give me a call, and we can catch up.”
Bertholdt takes the card with a shaky hand, and nods at Erwin before he walks
out of the shop. He looks down at the card in his hand, ‘Erwin Smith.’ So that
was his last name. And it looked like he was a lawyer, which explained the suit
he guessed.
“There’s something written on the back,” Reiner says, and Bertholdt quickly
turns the card over.
‘Bertholdt – here is my personal number xxxxxxx – Remember that time in the
shower? I know I do, especially after seeing you today, looking even sexier
than before. Let’s do that again. – Erwin’
Bertholdt couldn’t help but let a chocked noise of shock escape his throat. He
covers his mouth quickly, his face even redder than before and starting to
sweat.
“What does it say?” Reiner had his interest peaked, noticing the effect it had
on Bertholdt.
Bertholdt simply shakes his head, not even believing what he was reading. Erwin
was always so bold, but writing that, and when he knew he was sitting at a
table with another guy, which for all he knew, could have been his boyfriend
(that last thought making him feel a little bitter inside,) was incredibly
shocking. And yes, Bertholdt did remember the time in the shower. When Erwin
fucked him against the tile wall, his face pressed on the cold ceramic, as he
spread him wide, a arm wrapped around his chest holding him up, his other hand
holding the detectable shower head, on the massage setting, against his balls,
giving Bertholdt the most powerful orgasm he’d ever had. The memory made his
cock twitch.
“Bertl?” Reiner’s voice snapped him back to reality, “What is it?”
“N-nothing! It’s nothing!” He squeaked clutching the card dumbly in his clammy
hands.
Reiner smirked at him, “hey if I didn’t know any better, and I think I do, I’d
say he was flirting with you.”
Bertholdt inwardly cursed, holding his head in his hands in embarrassment.
“Oh my god, was he? Didn’t he ask if you were graduating?” Reiner continued to
prod, thinking it was funny, and reached over to grab the card from the other
boy’s hand.
“What? No!” Bertholdt resisted, pulling his hand away, out of Reiner’s reach,
but Reiner was persistent, and in Bertholdt’s shocked state of mind his
reaction time wasn’t as quick, and Reiner was faster, and he yanked the tiny
card out of his hand.
Bertholdt whimpered, burying his face in his arms on the table as he waited,
knowing that Reiner was reading Erwin’s note right now and waiting for his
response.
An endless moment passes between them, before Reiner quietly speaks,
“Bertholdt? Wha–”
Bertholdt lets out another whimper muffled into his arms.
“That guy wasn’t your trainer was he?”
Bertholdt shakes his head without raising it.
“You’re not with Annie are you?”
Again Bertholdt shakes his head ‘no.’
Reiner takes a moment to register everything, “so…you’re gay?”
Bertholdt nods, still keeping his head down.
“And you didn’t say anything when I told you?” Reiner was starting to feel a
little hurt, and it showed in his voice.
Bertholdt finally lifted his head, hearing the pain when Reiner spoke, “I was
going to, I just, I –”
Reiner shakes his head, throwing the card back on the table, “no, it’s fine.
It’s whatever. I get it.”
Bertholdt mumbled another sorry as he watched Reiner gather his things and
shove them back into his backpack.
“I should go,” he says and Bertholdt simply nods, “I’ll talk to you later.”
Bertholdt slumps in his chair as Reiner leaves the coffee shop, left feeling
embarrassed and ashamed.
Chapter End Notes
     Well, hope you liked it! Thanks again for reading and extra thank you
     to everyone who is leaving kudos and comments! It really means a lot
     and just fuels my fire to get this story finished! I love you all<3
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Notes
     Hello everyone! I hope you like this chapter even though it is mostly
     dialogue and i feel like it might be boring, but please bare with me
     and enjoy!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Reiner briskly walked home, instantly trudging up to his room and flopping down
on his bed, ignoring his mother’s questions of ‘how was tutoring?’ and ‘are you
ok?’ when he didn’t answer. He didn’t feel like talking. He just threw his
backpack on the floor and laid on his bed, not even bothering to get under the
covers, and just buried his face in his pillow.
Bertholdt was gay. Bertholdt was gay and he didn’t even tell him. Reiner
confided in him and Bertholdt said nothing. Reiner had been in a good mood
since coming out to the other boy, feeling slightly better just having that one
little weight lifted off his chest. He knew it would still be hard harboring a
crush for his friend, but he figured taking it one step at a time would help.
But now, now he felt like he was back at square one, or even negative one.
The only reason he could think Bertholdt wouldn’t tell him that he was also gay
was because he must have been afraid Reiner would be interested in him.
Suddenly Reiner felt paranoid that Bertholdt had known the whole time, could
tell that Reiner liked him, and was secretly dreading Reiner confessing to him,
or hoping he would never come out to him. He felt so embarrassed knowing that
Bertholdt must just not be attracted to him.
And after seeing that other man, Erwin, the card had said, how could he blame
him? That guy was, well, he was ridiculously good looking. An older gentleman,
classy, sophisticated, and no doubt more experienced. He cringed at the
thought. Here Reiner was, the past three years of his life pondering what it
would be like to be with another man and apparently Bertholdt was out already
doing it. And with a guy like that. Reiner couldn’t shake the thoughts from his
mind. The note, ‘that time in the shower’ implying there were multiple times
and god Reiner’s curiosity was getting the better of him. He didn’t want to
think about it, his blood rushing with envy that Bertholdt was already more
experienced than he was, and jealousy that someone else had already had
Bertholdt to begin with (there goes all his fantasies of them experiencing new
things together, he bitterly thought) but his blood also rushed with arousal.
Imagining that man with Bertholdt, in a shower, together, doing god knows what.
Reiner growled into his pillow, frustrated and miserable. He figured there was
nothing else he could do but try and force the other boy out of his mind, and
get over him. There was no chance anyway. There was nothing he could do, and
there was no other way then by avoiding Bertholdt completely.
 
Bertholdt, on the other hand, stayed at the coffee shop, pretending to read
over some notes, but he couldn’t actually focus. He wanted to run out of the
store, but he didn’t want to draw attention to himself, especially after Reiner
had left so quickly. So he stayed put, fighting back choked sobs that begged to
leave his throat as he replayed the last couple of minutes over and over again
in his head. He really didn’t want Reiner to find out that way. Bertholdt was
already ashamed of his past relationship, knowing that it was wrong and
meaningless. He didn’t want Reiner to get the wrong impression of him. Reiner
probably thought he was some kind of slut, a whore, sleeping around with older
men, especially one so obviously too old for him. He felt so embarrassed. What
would Reiner think of him now? As if he already didn’t have much of a chance
with Reiner to begin with this obviously wasn’t helping.
After a few minutes he decided to call Annie, which is something he rarely did.
He and Annie didn’t usually hang out outside of school, only on some rare
occasions, and those were most of the time spontaneous, just deciding to go out
for food after class or something.
She could tell something was wrong just by the fact that he was calling alone,
and answered with a harsh, “what is it?”
“Annie,” Bertholdt starts, not sure exactly where to start. He pauses, and he
almost hopes that she will say something first, but she doesn’t. So finally, he
continues, “something bad happened.”
“Are you ok?” She asks, and Bertholdt takes a moment to relish in the fact that
she asks that first, not ‘what happened’ but ‘are you ok’ and that makes him
feel slightly better.
“Yes,” he replies trying to sound calm, but his voice already sounds broken,
“Reiner and I went to the coffee shop like you said.”
She waits patiently as he pauses before continuing.
“I’m still here now,” he pauses again, taking a deep breath, “and everything
was going fine. He said – he said how he remembered our conversation and he
apologized for being so drunk.”
She hums, signifying that she’s listening but doesn’t speak.
“But then,” Bertholdt clears his throat, “Erwin came into the shop.”
“Erwin?” She questions, and Bertholdt can practically hear the quirk in her
eyebrow that she always does, “is that the guy…”
“Yes,” he answers shortly, “and he came up to me and – and – well, Reiner found
out I was gay.”
There was a moment of silence and he could her Annie click her tongue, “isn’t
that a good thing?”
“No!” He raises his voice, but lowers it once he remembers where he is, “I
didn’t want him to find out like that…it’s…complicated…”
His voice trails off into another lapse of silence.
“I’ll come get you,” Annie finally says, and Bertholdt sighs in relieve
mumbling a ‘thank you,’ happy that he didn’t have to ask her this favor himself
and that she willingly offered.
It took about 15 minutes before Annie made it to the coffee shop, and Bertholdt
bought himself another cup of coffee, and one for Annie as well, iced, with no
cream or sugar, the way she always got it.
He hopped into her car, throwing his things in the back and handing the blonde
girl her drink.
She sips at it and begins to speed off, holding on to the steering wheel with
one hand, “ok, so tell me.”
“Well, uh,” Bertholdt inhales deeply trying to think of the best way to phrase
this. He and Annie didn’t always have personal conversations but there was a
mutual understanding that they trusted one another. It didn’t make it any less
hard for Bertholdt to voice his feeling though.
In the end he decided to dig in his pocket, pulling out the card Erwin gave
him, “here.”
He handed it over to her but she just gave it a sideways glance, “can’t you
read it to me? I’m driving.”
Bertholdt shook his head, “I don’t even want to have to show this to you.
There’s no way I could actually read it out loud.”
“What is it?” She places her drink in the cup holder and grabs the card, but
doesn’t read it yet.
“Erwin gave it to me, right in front of Reiner,” the tall boy explains.
Once at a red light she looks down and skims the neat handwriting on the card.
Bertholdt can’t even look at her as she does, but if he had been looking at her
he would have seen her eyes widen slightly.
“Wow,” she huffs, handing the card back, as the light turns green again.
“And Reiner saw it,” he groans, letting his head fall back on the seat’s
headrest.
“How exactly?”
“He pulled it out of my hand!” Bertholdt exclaims, “I tried to pull away but he
was too quick.”
She hums, “then what happened?”
“He read it. Asked me why I didn’t say anything before, and then before I could
explain he left.”
Annie furrows her brow, “that’s weird.”
“No,” Bertholdt lowers his head, “he hates me. He confided in me and I didn’t
return the favor and now he hates me.”
“You really think that’s why?” Without Bertholdt realizing it Annie had taken
them to a park, a tiny one, which was on the side of a road with a playground
for little kids, “let’s walk.”
They both step out of the car and begin to lazily walk around the park. The
fresh air was helping Bertholdt calm down, but he was still feeling sick from
all the shame he felt deep in his stomach.
Shakily he began speaking again, “don’t you remember when I told you? How you
were disappointed in me?”
“I was concerned for you,” she corrects, but Bertholdt doesn’t really believe
her.
“Well,” he continues, “he probably thinks even less of me now.”
“What makes you think he thought less of you before?” She challenges.
He glares at her, “he did abandon me, remember?”
“You keep using that word,” Annie’s voice suddenly turns harsh, harsher than
normal, “’Abandon.’ But is that really what you mean? I don’t think he looks at
it that way.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Bertholdt argues back, “it’s what he did. Berik left, he
knew that, and he still left me, and then…”
He didn’t finish his sentence but Annie knew what he was referring to.
She stops walking and turns to look at him, “I think you think too highly of
him.”
The taller boy stares down dumbly at her.
She rolls her eyes, “Reiner isn’t that smart. He’s not always aware of what
he’s doing.”
Bertholdt averts his gaze, rubbing the back of his neck.
“He’s probably just surprised,” she continues, “I doubt he thinks less of you.
And even if he did, who cares? His opinion on you shouldn’t control you this
much.”
Bertholdt ducks his head, feeling embarrassed but angry. Reiner’s opinion
didn’t control him, he thought bitterly to himself.
“I just,” he takes a moment, “I just like him.”
“I know,” Annie turns and starts walking again, heading back in the direction
of her car, “so you need to either talk to him about it or get over him.”
Bertholdt didn’t really want to talk to Reiner about it, but he also didn’t
really think he could get over him, even if he wanted to.
“It’s not so bad,” she says as an after thought, “there’s nothing wrong with
having previous relationships.”
“But…Erwin is so much older than me,” he pauses, “I think, anyway. He has to be
at least 30, by now.”
She shrugs, “who cares, you’re 18 now.”
“I know Reiner is stupid, but he isn’t that stupid, it was obvious we hadn’t
seen each other in a while and anyone can figure out the math there…” his voice
trails off.
“Do you really think Reiner would be that bothered by it?”
“I don’t know,” he sighs, “I just, I already know he isn’t interested in me to
begin with and this is just adding to that.”
Annie thinks for a moment, “what makes you say that?”
“Because Reiner likes people like Krista, not people like me.”
“Explain,” she says flatly.
“Krista is sweet, and cute, and innocent, and everyone likes her,” Bertholdt
all but grumbles, not realizing how sour his voice was sounding, “I’m awkward,
weird, no one likes me, I’m not innocent, and I’m…”
“What?”
Bertholdt blushes in embarrassment, not wanting to voice his thoughts,
“I’m…not, you know…good looking.”
By this point they had reached Annie’s car, but they made no movement to get
into it, instead leaning against the hood.
“Do you really think that?” Annie asks quietly after a second.
Bertholdt doesn’t answer.
“That man wrote on the card he thought you were sexy,” she points out, her
voice still quiet, soft even.
Bertholdt shakes his head, “it’s not the same…anyway it doesn’t matter. That’s
one guy. One 30-year-old guy. I don’t care about him. I want Reiner to like me,
but I’m not his type and now he probably thinks I’m some kind of slut.”
Annie turns and gets into the car, “just talk to him. Explain. Once he’s over
his shock he’ll listen.”
The tall boy slumps into the car, feeling exhausted after talking so much. They
drive the rest of the way in silence and she takes him home.
Bertholdt figures she is right. He should at least explain. Even if he knew
Reiner might judge him for it, even hate him for it a little bit, and even if
he knew he couldn’t express his true feelings, he knew he should at least
explain. He would tell him the next time they tutored that he didn’t tell him
he was also gay because he wasn’t sure Reiner would even remember the
conversation, and he would explain how Erwin was a one time thing, a
meaningless fling a long time ago when he was curious and just testing out the
waters. Falling into a restless sleep that night he could only pray that Reiner
would still like him afterwards.
Only, none of that happened. On the day they were supposed to meet for
tutoring, Bertholdt was called to the advising office, where Ms. Ral gave him
an envelope.
“What’s this?” He asked.
“The record of your tutoring with Reiner, and a check for $20,” she explained,
a sweet smile on her face.
Bertholdt stared down at her, confused, “But we aren’t done tutoring?”
“Oh!” She practically squeaked, “Reiner passed all of his last few tests with
an above B average so he asked to be removed from tutoring. We’ll see if he can
keep it up without your help!”
She was giddy in her excitement, and continued to say how Bertholdt was such a
good tutor and how this was the fifth student who he had helped, but Bertholdt
wasn’t listening.
Reiner asked to be removed from tutoring? He left the office feeling numb, not
even wanting to go to class at this point. It was official. Reiner hated him.
Reiner didn’t even want to look at him. What was he going to do now?
Bitterly he stalked into the boy’s bathroom, into a stall, and placing his
backpack on the toilet seat he dug through it. He couldn’t even believe he kept
it but he did, and he pulled out the card Erwin had given him. Then he pulled
out his cell phone, angrily punching the numbers in and holding it up to his
ear.
It felt like it rang for eternity, and Bertholdt secretly prayed no one walked
into the bathroom in the time being.
“Hello?” The deep smooth voice came form the other line.
“Hi, uh,” Bertholdt cleared his throat, “It’s, uh, it’s me, Bertholdt.”
There was a slight chuckle, “ah, I was waiting for you to call.”
Bertholdt felt sick, but he swallowed the lump in his throat, desperate,
pleading, “are you free tonight?”
Another soft laugh, “I am now.”
“Can you meet me at that coffee shop? At 6?” Bertholdt tried to keep his voice
from shaking. He couldn’t believe he was doing this. But he was angry and sad
and alone and he needed something, anything.
“Of course.”
Chapter End Notes
     I hope you liked it! Thank you again so so so much for all the kudos
     and comments. You're all really sweet and i love reading your
     comments. Also, once again, thank you to everyone reading on tumblr
     and giving me comments there as well. I love you all<3
***** Chapter 7 *****
Chapter Notes
     A little longer of a chapter for you guys today. I hope you like it,
     i'm kind of nervous about it for some reason. Oh well. Enjoy!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Bertholdt waited in the coffee shop, kicking himself for even setting this up
in the first place. He supposed he could leave, but he was here now, he might
as well go through with it, and it wasn’t in his nature to ditch someone. To
calm his nerves he bought himself a chai tea. It didn’t really help that much,
as his anxiety was getting the best of him. After track he had showered a
little longer than normal, and then spent an even longer amount of time getting
dressed in front of the mirror, towel drying his hair as best he could and then
combing it neatly. He didn’t have any special clothes with him so he just wore
a simple dark blue sweater, with a white dress shirt underneath so the collar
popped out, and black jeans. He straightened himself out in font of the mirror,
feeling self-conscious about his appearance, but trying to look past it and
just attempt to look semi decent. In the corner of his eye he thought he had
seen Reiner walking around the showers at some point, but chose to ignore him,
not even tempting himself with a look, and Reiner made no attempt to
acknowledge him either.
He had left his backpack in his locker and then walked to the coffee shop where
he was waiting now, sipping on his chai tea, and peaking out the window for
Erwin’s car. Bertholdt had gotten there early so it was about an hour before he
saw Erwin pull up in his black sports car.
Shakily he stood, tossing out his drink, and walked out to the car. He took a
deep breath before opening the door and stepping in.
Erwin had his head turned, a small smile on his face, as he welcomed the
younger man, “Hello Bertholdt, how are you?”
Bertholdt ducked his head shyly, “I’m good, you?”
“Great,” Erwin lets out a breathy laugh before putting his car in drive and
pulling off.
Bertholdt gave him a sideways glance; he was wearing a black button down dress
shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and dark blue jeans, with his
blonde hair combed back neatly. He looked just as good as Bertholdt remembered,
seeming to have not aged at all.
When Bertholdt realized they were driving in a direction he didn’t recognize
her cleared his throat to speak, “um, are we going back to your place?”
Erwin chuckled, glancing over at him, “Eager are you?”
Bertholdt blushed and looked away.
“No,” Erwin continued, “I thought it would be nice to get something to eat. I
want to get to know you Bertholdt.”
Bertholdt simply mumbled an, ‘oh ok,’ dimly thinking in the back of his mind
how it was kind of stupid to bother getting to know each other know, after they
had already gotten to know each other in every other way.
They pulled up to a relatively fancy looking restaurant, and Bertholdt felt
underdressed and out of place as they entered. But Erwin was casual and
composed as he requested a table for two and they were immediately seated
despite how crowded it was.
Once they were seated at a nice table Erwin didn’t hesitate to ask the waiter
for a bottle of the house red wine.
“You’re 21 now, aren’t you?” He asked once the waiter had walked off.
Bertholdt paused for a moment before nodding. To Erwin’s knowledge he would be
21, he almost forgot.
“I hope you like red wine,” the older man smiles sweetly at him.
Bertholdt shrugs, looking down at the menus, “Um – honestly I’m not much of a
drinker.”
“Oh really?” Erwin hums, “that’s odd. A college student who doesn’t like to
drink? Don’t you go to parties?”
Rubbing at the back of his neck, Bertholdt kept his eyes on the menu as he
replied, “no, not really.”
“Focused on you studies. That’s good. What is your major anyway?”
Bertholdt panics for a moment, suddenly realizing that he’s going to have to
make up three years of college that didn’t happen. He rakes his brain trying to
come up with something, and for some reason the Baudelaire essay sticks out in
his mind, and he blurts out, “Art History.”
“Art History?” Erwin raises his eyebrows in question, just as the waiter comes
back with the bottle of wine, uncorks it, and pours them both a glass, leaving
it behind before walking off as Erwin tells him they need more time to order.
“Order whatever you’d like,” Erwin says, “it’s on me.”
Bertholdt scans the menu, and everything looks relatively expensive, all
written in Italian words he can’t pronounce. In the end he picks something that
sounds like chicken parmesan. Erwin gets veal covered in a white cream and
mushroom sauce.
“So, Art History,” Erwin continues their conversation from earlier after they
placed their orders, “are you an artist?”
“No,” Bertholdt answers quickly, sipping on his wine. It’s bitter and he
doesn’t really like it but he keeps taking sips at it anyway, hoping it will
calm his nerves, “I’m just very interested in it.”
It was true, art history was one of Bertholdt’s favorite classes, enjoying the
symbolism behind different art and how it had changed over the course of the
years, so he was able to talk about it convincingly enough, he hoped at least.
The attractive man across from him gazes at him, watching him bring the glass
to his lips multiple times every couple of minutes and he smirks, picking up
his glass himself, “so what does an art history major do?”
Bertholdt clears his throat, “read and observe art. Job wise, I guess I could
become an art critic or a museum curator. Things like that. It’s kind of a hard
field to find work in, but I’d like to be an art critic I think.”
Bertholdt is surprising himself with how much he is beginning to talk, and he
never thought about it before but maybe he could major in art history. He was
always good at analyzing artwork; at least he always got A’s on his papers.
Even still, he was lying, and with such ease all the sudden, he supposed it was
the wine.
“That’s very interesting,” Erwin muses, “I’ve invested in some art. I know
nothing about it though. Maybe you can look at them and see if I got my moneys
worth.”
Bertholdt looks up across the table and smiles, for the first time truly making
and holding eye contact with the older man. Feeling himself relax he realizes
Erwin isn’t so hard to talk to, his deep smooth voice being incredibly calming
and putting him at ease. The way he looked at him like he was truly interested
and holding no judgment. It made Bertholdt feel good, and he briefly wondered
in the back of his mind if maybe this was all he needed to begin with.
By the time their food came they were speaking more casually, talking about
their other interests. It turns out Erwin was a big fan of Ingmar Bergman
films, which Bertholdt was also very enthusiastic about. The older man told him
how he spent a lot of money buying a rare special addition box set of all his
films and then Bertholdt very excitedly expressed his envy and shared info
about his own collection of films.
By the time they were done eating Bertholdt had already had three glasses of
wine and was feeling quite tipsy, maybe even a little more than tipsy. He had
never drunk wine before and it was making him feel light headed and giddy. His
checks where tinted pink and he a permanent smile on his face, although it was
still small.
“Would you like some dessert?” Erwin asks, as the waiter clears their plates.
Bertholdt shakes his head, the movements a little too lose and making him
dizzy, “No, I’m full, thank you though.”
Erwin pays and they leave, but before getting into the car the older man leans
in close as he opens the door for Bertholdt, putting a hand on his hip, and
whispers in his ear, “You may not want dessert, but I still have a sweet tooth
that needs to be taken care of.”
It takes Bertholdt a moment to register, and he realizes that now Erwin is
inviting him back to his place, which is what he originally wanted, craving the
contact of another human being, and that combined with the fogged state of mind
the wine had put him in and Erwin’s hot breath ghosting over his skin made him
ache for it even more. Boldly and without thinking he reaches up to grab
Erwin’s face and clumsily kisses him, desperate and hot, his eagerness only
amplifying how out of practice he was.
Erwin smiles into the kiss and gently pushes him away, smirking at him, “you
are eager aren’t you?”
Bertholdt ducks his head sheepishly, “it – it’s been a while…”
His hands are still on Erwin, only now resting on his shoulders and not
gripping his face. Erwin has his both his hands on his waist now, and Bertholdt
barely registers how they are still out in the open parking lot. It brings back
a lot of memories.
“Is that so?” Erwin teases, “Since me? Or since anyone?”
Bertholdt feels his face get even hotter than it already is, “You, you were –
you were the only…”
He can’t even finish the sentence, feeling too embarrassed, but Erwin just
laughs that smooth laugh of his and pulls Bertholdt into another kiss, this one
with more practiced ease, and he pulls away just enough to whisper over his
lips, “that makes you taste even sweeter.”
He pulls away completely, gesturing for Bertholdt to get into the car and he
does. They drive off and Erwin takes him to his apartment building, it’s
different than the one he lived t before, bigger, nicer. Erwin leads him to the
elevator, where they take it up to the 11th floor and Bertholdt is feeling
anxious. The wine had loosened him up a bit, and he was still heavily feeling
its effects, but he was still apprehensive about what was about to happen. It
had been so long, but he wanted this, he told himself.
When they entered Erwin’s apartment Bertholdt was surprised by its size. It was
decorated in a very modern fashion, mostly white, and he took notice of the
large abstract painting hanging above the couch.
Before he could comment on it however, Erwin was on him, pushing him back
against the door and kissing him. Bertholdt gasped into the kiss, taking a
moment to register but eagerly accepting it, and returning the favor with just
as much energy, his clumsiness from before slipping away entirely as he gained
confidence.
It was weird, Erwin was shorter than him now, probably around Reiner’s height,
maybe a little bit taller, but only barely, and still Erwin had such power over
him. His body pushed against his, taking the lead, moving from his mouth to his
jaw, kissing and nipping at the skin until he reached his ear, sucking the
flesh between his teeth and biting, then licking along it, making Bertholdt
whimper and buck his hips forward, seeking friction. The wine was making him
more sensitive and he melted under Erwin’s skilled mouth and hands. Erwin moved
down the curve of his throat to the junction between his neck and shoulder,
sucking and licking, as a hand moved under Bertholdt’s shirt to playfully ghost
along his skin.
It wasn’t enough for Bertholdt, who was simply desperate for more, and he
wrapped his arms around the older man, pulling him close as possible, his
wordless whimpers calling out for more.
He can feel Erwin smirk against his skin as he snakes his hand downward,
palming Bertholdt’s already hard member through his jeans. He chuckles, “even
your cock feels bigger, Bertholdt, you sure have grown.”
Bertholdt whines at his teasing tone, which only magnifies his teasing touch,
and he rocks into his hand, begging for the added attention. This is what he
needed, he tells himself as Erwin pulls his sweater and undershirt over his
head; this is what he needs to get over Reiner. Maybe he was just craving any
kind of attention. Part of him feels dirty, so shamelessly returning back to
Erwin like this like some kind of loyal dog, but it feels good at the same
time. Erwin was familiar, he was comfortable, and now, after talking to him
some more he felt safer, more confident. He briefly wonders if more could come
of this, an actual relationship, if he and Erwin could be something, and he
would forget about Reiner and all the pain he had caused him.
Erwin was slowly making his way down his torso, licking, biting, and sucking at
sensitive flesh, and Bertholdt arched his back off the door into the touch,
reaching out with a hand to run his fingers through blonde hair. He was at his
waistband now, tugging off his belt and unbuttoning his jeans, all while
keeping his mouth in contact with skin, sucking at the junction of his hipbone.
Bertholdt mewls, yes this is what he needed, just to get his mind off things,
he grips at blonde hair tighter, just to forget about Reiner…Reiner.
“Who is Reiner?”
Bertholdt snaps his head forward, looking down at the man who was knelling in
front of him, hands on his open fly, who stared back up at him with a furrowed
brow. Shit, did he say that out loud?
“U-uh,” he stutters, “I – I’m sorry!” He panics, covering his face in his
hands.
Erwin stands up, sighing, and pulls Bertholdt’s hands away from his face,
“Bertholdt, it’s ok. Calm down.”
The younger man looks at him meekly.
“Is it the boy who was in the shop with you?”
Bertholdt bites his lip and nods, shutting his eyes tightly in embarrassment.
“Come,” Erwin grabs his hand and leads him over to the couch, where they sit,
and Bertholdt awkwardly buttons his pants back up. After a moment, once their
arousal had died down, Erwin began speaking.
“Is he your boyfriend?”
“No,” he answer a little too quickly and a little too venomously.
“Is he straight?” Erwin prods further, placing an arm on the back of the couch,
around Bertholdt, causally turned slightly towards him with a leg crossed over
the other.
Bertholdt shakes his head, “he’s gay, but I’m not his type.”
Erwin clicks his tongue, “that can’t be true. He is missing out.”
With a blush Bertholdt sputters out, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have –”
“Don’t apologize,” Erwin shrugs, “it’s fine. I understand. What makes you think
he doesn’t like you?”
Bertholdt lets his head fall back, resting where Erwin’s arm his, still feeling
sluggish and drunk from both the wine and the aroused state he was in just
moments before, “he is an old friend. He just came out to me.”
“Does he know about you?”
“Yes, he does now, after – after you,” he doesn’t finish the thought.
“Ah,” Erwin hums, “I’m sorry if that caused any friction between you two.”
“No,” Bertholdt assures him, “there was nothing there to begin with. He doesn’t
like me. I know it.”
“So that’s why you called me?”
Bertholdt brings his head forward again, feeling embarrassed, “I’m sorry, I
just thought if, maybe, it would…take my mind off things.”
Erwin chuckles, “clearly it doesn’t.”
Bertholdt groans, holding his head in his hands, “I don’t know what to do.”
“Have you tried talking to him?”
“No, he wont even look at me anymore,” the younger man bitterly responds.
Erwin ponders that for a moment, “you should talk to him. Let him know how you
feel. Tell him your feelings for him. Even if not romantically but as a friend,
he should show that respect to you – and you owe him that respect as well.”
“But if I tell him I like him what if he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore?”
Bertholdt raises his head and looks at the older man, helplessness in his eyes.
“Then how is that different than how it is now?” Erwin answers flatly.
Bertholdt considers that for a moment, realizing that he supposed he was right.
At this point he had nothing to loose, so he might as well put it all out
there.
Finally he takes a deep breath, and looks at Erwin seriously, “thank you…and,
I’m sorry. Are you mad?”
Erwin smiles sweetly at him, “mad? No. Disappointed? Maybe. You’re a great guy
Bertholdt, I regret not holding on to you while I had the chance, but I still
have our memories to hold on to.”
Bertholdt blushes for the millionth time that night, ducking his head and
rubbing the back of his neck, muttering something of a ‘thanks.’
“Come,” Erwin stands, “put your shirt back on, and I will take you home.”
They drive home in silence and upon reaching Bertholdt’s home he is about to
get out of the car when Erwin stops him.
“Bertholdt,” he says to him calmly, placing a hand on his arm to stop him and
Bertholdt turns to look at him in question, “how about one last kiss? For my
sweet tooth?”
Bertholdt shyly averts his gaze, feeling flattered and embarrassed all in one,
but he figures it can’t hurt, and plus, he owes Erwin for being so
understanding and talking to him in the first place. So he nods, and Erwin
leans over, placing a gentle but passionate kiss on his lips, slowly moving his
mouth on his, savoring the taste and feel. Then it’s over and he pulls away,
offering Bertholdt another smile.
“Please, call me if you need anything,” he says, and Bertholdt thanks him
before stepping out of the car and going into his house.
He still feels slightly tipsy and sluggish from the wine, and overwhelmed by
everything that had happened, but he’s surprised when he hears a knock on his
door, almost instantly after closing it behind him.
Thinking it’s Erwin forgetting something, he opens it, and is shocked to see a
different blonde standing there.
“R-Reiner?” Bertholdt stutters, “What are you doing here?”
 
Earlier that day, after class and after practice, Reiner was outside the
school, talking with some of the other guys, trying to act normal even though
everything was weighing heavily on his mind. He had seen Bertholdt in the
showers, taking extra time to shower and get dressed, he didn’t know why, but
he got out of there as fast as he could, not wanting to be around him to tempt
himself. It was then, when he was outside waiting to head home for the day that
he heard a not so familiar voice call out to him.
“Oi, Reiner,” Reiner turned, seeing Annie standing there, looking up at him
through her bangs with an evil glare, and one hand on her hip while the other
waved him to her, “we’re hanging out today.”
“Uh,” he stares dumbly at her for a second, and the other guys quiet down,
watching curiously. Reiner wants to ask questions, or to protest, but the look
on her face tells him he shouldn’t, “Uh, ok.”
He throws a questioning glance back at the guys before heading off and
following the mysterious blonde girl. She takes him to her car where they drive
in silence until coming to a diner, where they then enter and get a table.
Reiner isn’t really hungry so he just orders a soda, while she simply orders a
coffee.
It’s an awkward silence as they sit with their drinks, neither of them speaking
until Reiner decides to break the tension by clearing his throat, “so, uh,
what’s this about?”
“You know what this is about,” Annie shoots back quickly and Reiner is taken
aback by her fast sharp words.
“W-what?”
“You like Bertholdt,” she states flatly, telling him, not asking him.
He gapes at her, “what?! No I don’t! I’m not even –”
She rolls her eyes, cutting him off, “please, it’s obvious. Both of you are so
pathetic.”
“You’re crazy,” Reiner still denies it, but his face is hot and he averts his
gaze.
“Look, I don’t really give a shit what you guys do in your free time,” she
keeps speaking, “but you ignoring Bertholdt like this is really upsetting him
so at least fucking talk to him ok? It’s not cool how you’re treating him and I
don’t like seeing my friend upset.”
Reiner is shocked for a moment, trying to register what she is saying,
“Bertholdt is upset?”
“Yes dumbass,” another eye roll, “you’re his friend and you’re ignoring him. Go
talk to him. Before I force you to.”
With that she gets up and leaves, also leaving Reiner with the bill to pay, not
that they ordered a lot but still. He decides to stay there for a little while,
thinking about what Annie said and mewling it over in his mind. She was right,
he needed to look past his selfishness and talk to Bertholdt. It wasn’t right
to ignore him just because he couldn’t have his cake and eat it too.
So, later that night he finally gets up the courage to go to Bertholdt’s house,
planning on apologizing, but when he walks up down the sidewalk he stops,
seeing a car pull up out front of his house.
It’s Bertholdt, in the car with that guy, Erwin. He watches silently, waiting.
They exchange a few words, before engaging in a kiss, a very heated and
passionate looking kiss, and Reiner covers his mouth in shock. He stays still,
hoping to be covered by the darkness as he watches Bertholdt leave the car and
go into his house, a dopey looking smile on his face.
Reiner watches the car drive away and he is angry, filled with rage and
jealousy. He thinks for a moment, unsure what to do, before finally deciding
‘fuck it’ and thinking that he needs to confront Bertholdt about this. So he
stalks up to the door, and angrily pounds on it.
“R-Reiner? What are you doing here?” The taller boy asks surprised.
Reiner isn’t even sure what to say right away, he just enters the house,
brushing past Bertholdt, before turning and looking at him coldly, “so you were
out with that guy, huh?”
Bertholdt is even more surprised to hear the harshness in his voice, but he’s
also embarrassed Reiner saw that, he stutters, “um, yeah, just for dinner.”
“Oh really?” Reiner can’t help but let the venom seep from his voice, “not more
than diner? You looked pretty close in the car.”
Bertholdt visibly flinches from his words, feeling like Reiner is attacking
him, and he is hurt and offended. So this is what Reiner thinks of him? The
wine still running through his blood makes him a little bolder, and he spits
back, “Maybe we did do more than diner, what do you care?”
Reiner practically growls at that, rage and jealous taking over, “I do care!”
Bertholdt scoffs at that, turning to walk down the entryway of his house, the
thin hallway leading to the living room, “do you always ignore people you care
about?”
With a yelp he is pulled back by a rough hand on his shoulder, pushing him back
against the wall and Reiner stares at him hard, face to face, just inches away
from each other.
“I’m fucking sorry ok?!” he yells, “I’m an idiot! I fucked up but I do care and
I’m sorry I ignored you! Not just the past few days but all those years ago
too. I came to fucking apologize to you and I got jealous I’m sorry, alright?!”
Reiner didn’t even realize he let it slip that he was jealous, but once he had
he hoped Bertholdt didn’t notice. But Bertholdt did catch it, and in his
alcohol aided mind and current adrenaline rush from being shoved up against a
wall, pushed back, leaning into Reiner, grabbing at his shirt and pulling him
into a kiss.
Reiner was stunned still for a moment, trying to comprehend that Bertholdt,
quiet, shy, Bertholdt, had just grabbed him and forced his mouth on his,
attacking his mouth with furry and passion and god it was all Reiner could have
ever dreamed of. Eventually he composed himself enough to return the favor,
moving his mouth back on his and pushing back, getting Bertholdt flush against
the wall again. He couldn’t believe he was finally kissing the boy he had a
crush on for so long, and it tasted so bittersweet. Bertholdt was delicious,
and his lips were soft and skilled and his breath was hot mingling with his own
as they gasped into each other mouths. But he could taste the alcohol on the
taller boy’s lips, just being a reminder that Bertholdt had just come from a
date with another man, and he wasn’t even sure what details that entailed. It
made him apprehensive, wanting to pull away, feeling guilty and sick all at
once.
Then Bertholdt moved to his neck and began biting and sucking there, wrapping
his arms around him, pulling him close and rolling his hips onto his own, a
sensation Reiner had never felt before, surprising him and making him gasp and
he figured he could ignore the nagging voice in the back of his mind for a
little longer.
Bertholdt was still feeling the effects of the alcohol and still had an
annoying pressure built up in his stomach after being with Erwin earlier, so he
desperately clung to Reiner, knowing that this is all he ever wanted.
With a tiny lick Bertholdt lifted his lips slightly away from Reiner’s skin,
his hot breath rising goose bumps on his flesh as he spoke, “let’s go up to my
room.”
“Fuck,” Reiner groaned at that, and he definitely wanted to ignore the nagging
voice in the back of his head, wanting to take advantage of this moment, but he
knew it was wrong for so many reasons. Bertholdt was clearly still under the
influence, and he was just with another man. Reiner wasn’t even sure if it was
him Bertholdt wanted or just any old guy that happened to show up at his door.
But then Bertholdt rocked his hips more deliberately against his, dropping his
hands to his waist to pull him closer, and he groaned again, “Ok fuck yeah.”
Suddenly, there was a slight jingling noise that got both their attention.
Keys, on the other side of the front door, being put into the lock and turning.
Bertholdt quickly shoved Reiner off of him, a little too roughly, hissing out,
“shit, my mom!”
Quickly they both tried to compose themselves as the door opened, revealing
Bertholdt’s mother, who jumped slightly when she saw the two boys standing in
the opening hallway.
“Bertholdt?” She questions, brows furrowed, but then upon seeing Reiner her
face breaks out into a grin, “Reiner?! Is that you!?”
Reiner smiles shyly, “Hi, Mrs. Fubar.”
She comes up to him, pulling him into a big hug, “oh my dear it’s been so long!
Look how big you’ve gotten!”
Reiner looks over her at Bertholdt and Bertholdt simply shrugs at him, still
breathing a little heavily but praying his mom is too distracted to realize
that he is both drunk and aroused.
His mom goes on about how big Reiner is, groping at his chest and arms and
Reiner just laughs, putting up with it.
“Mom,” Bertholdt cuts in, seeing the ‘help me’ look on Reiner’s face, “Reiner
was just coming by to get some notes for class from me, leave him alone. You
have to go now right?”
Reiner stares at him before nodding, “Uh yeah, yeah, I gotta get outta here. It
was good seeing you again Mrs. Fubar.”
“Oh you too dear! Please don’t be a stranger anymore! Come visit more often!”
She yells as Reiner walks out of the house.
Bertholdt quickly runs up to his room, avoiding any questions his mom might
have, he vaguely hears her say something like ‘why don’t you hang out with him
anymore?’ to which he doesn’t answer. Once in his room he flops down on his
bed, burying his face in his pillow, barely believing what just happened.
Seeing his mom had sobered him up faster than he thought possible and he
couldn’t believe he had just made a move on Reiner. He groaned into his pillow,
feeling ashamed and embarrassed.
Chapter End Notes
     Hope you enjoyed! Thank you again so much to everyone leaving kudos
     and comments! It really means a lot! I love all of you and i love
     reading your opinions and it really just makes me want to write more
     so thank you so much!<3
***** Chapter 8 *****
Chapter Summary
     Two awkward boys awkwardly hook up (finally) while awkwardly trying
     to deny their feelings for one another.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Bertholdt didn’t go to school the next day. He stayed in bed, not really
suffering from a hangover but a slight headache nonetheless. Mostly he was
suffering from embarrassment, and he figured he could give himself a mental
health day. When was the last time he missed school? Once, back in freshman
year, when he got food poisoning. His mom had already left for work, so she
wouldn’t know the difference anyway.
Annie didn’t miss the fact that Bertholdt wasn’t at school though, and knowing
how rare it was she found it suspicious. Bertholdt tried his best to sleep the
day away, but he was woken up at 10am by his phone buzzing. He knew who it was
before even looking at it.
A text from Annie reading, ‘you’re not at school today?’
He answered quickly, ‘no I feel sick.’
Moments later another text, ‘Did Reiner talk to you last night?’
Bertholdt stared at the screen wondering how she could have known, but then
again Annie seemed to know everything. He decided not to answer, instead
tossing the device back on his nightstand and turning in his bed.
It took ten minutes for another buzz, reluctantly he reached a long arm behind
him and groped for his phone, groaning as he read the message, ‘I’ll take that
as a yes.’
This time he just let his phone drop to the floor, burying his face into his
pillow and forcing himself into another restless sleep.
Back at the school, during lunch, Annie took the time out of her precious free
period to speak with a certain large blonde boy. She approaches his table and
doesn’t hesitate to squeeze herself in between Jean and Marco who are sitting
across from Reiner. Jean makes a noise of protest but upon seeing Annie’s face
he cuts it short, making a pained noise in his throat.
“What did you do?” Annie asks, staring directly at Reiner.
Reiner stares at her dumbly, and then looks between her and the other occupants
of the table, who are all now watching silently.
“What are you talking about?”
“You know what I’m talking about,” Reiner gets the sense of déjà vu.
He looks around again, “can we talk about this later?”
“You can fix this later,” is all she says, before standing again, roughly
shoving at Jean to aid her in stepping over the bench, and walks away.
Reiner puts his head down and pretends to be focused on eating, praying that no
one will ask him about it, but of course they do.
It’s Jean who speaks, “what the fuck was that about?”
Reiner shrugs his huge shoulders with a sigh, “the hell if I know.”
“You aren’t a thing are you?” Marco speaks up this time, a little timidly.
Reiner jerks his head up, “a thing?”
“You and Annie,” he clarifies, voice rising slightly at the end in question, as
if being confused why he even had to clarify to begin with.
“What? No,” he grumbles, looking back down at his food.
“Bertholdt wasn’t in trig today,” Armin, sitting next to Reiner, says quietly.
Jean laughs, “are you trying to take Annie from him? You dog!”
“What the fuck?” Reiner groans, tossing his fork down on his tray.
Marco shrugs, “sorry – we just had to ask. After you and Annie hung out
yesterday, and between Bertholdt not being here today and what just happened
with Annie…”
“Plus, we know you dig short blondes,” Jean chuckles, sending a wink towards
Armin, “you better be careful.”
Armin crinkles his face at him and is about to respond when Marco continues
speaking, “I’d just feel really bad for Bertholdt…Annie seems like his only
friend…”
“The fuck you guys,” Reiner bellows, “What kinda guy do you take me for? It’s
not like that. Jesus.”
Without another word he stands, grabbing his tray of food and tossing it in the
trash before leaving the cafeteria all together.
Later that day, after school, Reiner does take Annie’s advice (‘advice’ being a
loose term in this situation, it was more like bullying in reality) and he went
to Bertholdt’s after class. He brings a hot cup of tea, some sweet smelling
kind he’d heard him order before at the coffee shop, because maybe the other
boy was really just sick.
He rings the doorbell and waits. He waits for about 5 very long minutes before
decided to leave. He is turning to walk away when he hears the door open, and a
very agitated Bertholdt is in the frame, already speaking.
“Annie, can you please jus –” He cuts himself short when he sees Reiner, “Oh!
Reiner, uh, w-what are you doing here?”
Reiner holds out the styrofoam cup to him, “Uh, Armin told me you weren’t in
class. So I, uh, thought I’d stop by.”
Bertholdt hesitantly takes the cup, “Armin told you that?”
Reiner just nods. Bertholdt doesn’t believe it, knowing it was Annie who was
truly behind it, just based on her texts earlier. He was expecting her to come
bother him after school, but he supposed he shouldn’t be surprised that she
sent Reiner instead.
“Um, are you sick?” Reiner asks, “are you contagious? Or, uh, can I come in?”
Bertholdt pauses for a moment before nodding and moving aside to let him in,
“thanks, for the tea, by the way.”
“Yeah, I dunno if it’s the kind you like, I just guessed,” the blonde scratches
nervously at the back of his head, “it might have gotten a little cold
too…sorry.”
Bertholdt forces a laugh, “it’s fine, thank you – I can heat it up.”
To follow up on that Bertholdt leads them into his kitchen. Reiner takes a seat
on one of the stools at the island in the center as the taller boy pours the
drink into a mug and pops it into the microwave. He doesn’t really care about
the drink; he’s just doing it to have something to do, to ease some of the
tension in the room. Reiner is grateful for it too, feeling less pressure to
talk as Bertholdt busies himself.
The hum of the microwave is the only sound in the room and it’s almost
deafening in the silence. Reiner decides to finally break it with a slight
laugh, “so…”
Bertholdt sighs, “I’m not really sick. You shouldn’t have bought the tea for
me, I’m sorry.”
Reiner is a little surprised, well he knew Bertholdt wasn’t really sick so that
wasn’t surprising but he was surprised he was apologizing about the tea.
“It was 2 dollars, it’s no big deal,” Reiner smiles at him, but it fades when
he sees the other boy still has a serious expression on his face.
The microwave dings. There’s another moment of silence before Bertholdt speaks,
“I’m sorry about last night.”
Reiner bites his lip, not entirely sure what to say, but wanting to say a lot
at the same time.
Bertholdt shakes his head and turns, leaning his hip against the counter and
folding his arms over his chest, he ducks his head so he isn’t facing Reiner,
“I just – I just broke it off with Erwin and – and I was kinda drunk and I’m
sorry – I shouldn’t have forced myself on you. It was a moment of weakness.”
He hopes it’s enough. He hopes Reiner buys it. He doesn’t want Reiner to know
that he’s been secretly harboring feelings for him. He doesn’t want to scare
him away.
Reiner feels a little dejected, taking it as conformation that Bertholdt was
only making a move on him because he happened to be there and not because he
was Reiner. Inwardly he curses at Bertholdt’s mom for coming home at the
precise moment she did, but he knows it would have only been bad anyway.
“It’s ok, I understand,” he finally says, and then clears his throat, “uh, why
did you, if you don’t mind me asking, why did you break it off with Erwin?”
Bertholdt raises a hand to his mouth, biting nervously at his thumbnail. He
figures he might as well tell the truth, or at least part of it.
He sighs, “Erwin and I were together a while ago, but it wasn’t serious. He –
he wanted to make it serious, but I couldn’t. I-I lied about my age.”
Reiner makes an, ‘ah’ sound, finally putting the pieces together in his mind.
“Well, I didn’t lie,” Bertholdt clarifies, turning to lean his backside flat
against the counter so he’s facing Reiner now, “he assumed I was older and I,
uh, didn’t correct him.”
The blonde continues watching him as he speaks, nodding to signify he’s
listening.
Bertholdt rubs the back of his neck, “anyway, I couldn’t keep up that lie. So I
had to end it with him. It’s fine though. It wasn’t serious to begin with…I
guess I just…I don’t know…was kind of sad about it still.”
“It’s ok,” Reiner reassures him again, “I understand.”
“Thanks,” Bertholdt mumbles.
Another awkward moment of silence, the tea forgotten in the microwave. Reiner
coughs, his throat dry, trying to work up the courage to ask Bertholdt
something he’s been wondering about for years. The night before had been his
first kiss with a man. It had been his first time making out with another man,
rubbing against another man, any kind of intimate contact like that. At the
moment those thoughts were overshadowed by the thought that it was Bertholdt,
who he had had a crush on for so long, but once he got home he realized there
was more to that experience than just that. It was different kissing a man than
a women, having his body pressed against someone taller than his, and not as
broad but still broad, and muscular.
Finally he clears his throat, “uh, can I ask you something?”
Bertholdt snaps his head up, not answering but his eyes signify the other boy
to continue.
Reiner ducks his head, “what’s it like?”
“W-what do you mean?”
“Like,” Reiner leans back on the stool, his hands gripping the edge of the
counter nervously, “to be with another guy?”
Bertholdt blushes, taken aback by the question. He lets out a dry laugh, “I
don’t know, what’s it like to be with a woman?”
Reiner stares at him blankly, “you’ve never been with a girl before?”
Bertholdt just shakes his head, his face still burning red.
“Not even Annie?”
“No,” another dry laugh, “I’ve, uh, only been with Erwin.”
“So, like,” Reiner tries to think of the best way to phrase this, “how did you
know?”
“That I was gay?” Reiner nods. Bertholdt shrugs, “I don’t know, I just did. I
mean, I didn’t, but I did really. It wasn’t until Erwin that I knew for sure.”
Reiner hums, pondering what the other boy is saying.
“So, you’ve never –?” Bertholdt blushes at the boldness of the question.
The blonde shakes his head, eyes wide and he lets out a puff of breath, “no. I
don’t even…yeah, no, I haven’t.”
He was about to say that he wouldn’t even know what to do if he got the
opportunity. Sure he’d watched a lot of gay porn and he knew how to touch
himself, but the idea of finally being with another man was some what daunting,
especially after all his own pent up anticipation for it.
Bertholdt thinks for a moment, then thinks how stupid he is for even thinking
it to begin with, but then thinks again, and finally, stutters as he speaks,
“Uh, I-I, uh, I mean, if you ever, uh, I could – you know…”
He inwardly kicks himself. What the fuck was he even saying? And now Reiner was
staring at him with wide dumb eyes and Bertholdt just wants to dig a hole and
burry himself in it.
“What?” Is all Reiner can mange to say.
Bertholdt ducks his head, mumbling, “I mean – if you’re just curious – I
could…show you…”
He’s biting his lip hard, and his face is hot, so hot, and probably so red, and
he can’t believe he just said that and he feels stupid and terrible and he just
wants to die, but he said it anyway and he doesn’t even know why other than for
his own selfish reasons. ‘Reiner doesn’t like you,’ he tells himself, ‘don’t
take advantage of his curiosity just because you do.’
But then Reiner is blushing and stammering himself, “y-you would do that? For
me?”
Bertholdt shrugs, still not looking up, “sure. I mean, if you know, it’s just
between us – as friends.”
He adds the last part as an afterthought, still not wanting to scare Reiner
away with any talk of a serious relationship because that’s the last thing he
wants to do.
Reiner visibly flinches at the last word, but of course Bertholdt doesn’t see.
He knows it’s a bad idea, and that he’ll end up getting his hopes up, but fuck
that offer is a little too hard to turn down, and he lets out a shaky breath,
“yeah, yeah, that’d be cool.”
Finally Bertholdt looks up at him, he sees Reiner is also blushing and feels a
little less embarrassed.
There is an awkward moment of ‘what now?’ between them. Reiner decides he
should take initiative, knowing that Bertholdt probably wouldn’t, even though
it was his offer to begin with, so he slowly stands.
“Can we –” he means to ask ‘can we try it now?’ but it doesn’t come out and he
just gestures a hand between them. Bertholdt just nods and Reiner walks to
stand in front of him.
It feels weird, standing in front of the taller man so closely and it’s
different than the night before. Bertholdt was drunk before and everything
moved so quickly that neither of them had time to think, but now everything was
slow, too slow, like it was in slow motion, and he didn’t know what to do. How
does he initiate this? It feels like days have based between them and he
inwardly chastises himself because why couldn’t he just do what they did last
night?
He lets out a tiny laugh, trying to ease the tension, “just like kissing a girl
right?”
Bertholdt smiles ever so slightly, “I wouldn’t know. But, I’m not a girl.”
“Right, I know,” Reiner kicks himself mentally, “I just don’t –”
“I’m sure it’s not that much different,” Bertholdt tries to reassure him, “Do
you want me to…?”
Reiner barely nods before Bertholdt is making the first move, this time leaning
in gently, placing his lips on Reiner’s and keeping them still for a moment to
allow him to adjust to the feeling.
He waits for Reiner to make the next move, the blonde slowly beginning to move
his lips against Bertholdt’s, and Bertholdt returns the favor, until the small
kiss has turned into a feverous make-out session, both of them gasping into
each other mouths and tongues mingling, hands gripping at skin and clothes.
Reiner has one hand on Bertholdt’s neck, because it feels natural, the way he
would cup a girl’s cheek, his fingers are spread and grazing the back of his
neck where hair meets skin and his thumb is just under his ear. His other hand
is resting on his shoulder, and it feels awkward, adjusting to Bertholdt’s
height.
Bertholdt has an arm wrapped around his back, and his other hand is resting on
his hip. Gradually, as they both grew more confident and the awkwardness faded
into sheer lust, he starts pushing the bulkier man backwards, so his backside
is resting against the counter of the island. Their bodies are pressed tighter
against one another and the still foreign feeling of another man’s hips against
his own once again surprises Reiner. He gasps, breaking contact with
Bertholdt’s lips.
Bertholdt takes to opportunity to move to his neck, lightly kissing and sucking
there, and the hand on his hip slowly moves up under his shirt, touching his
toned stomach.
Reiner’s breath quickens and against his skin Bertholdt murmurs, “this ok?”
Reiner nods dumbly, “yeah, yeah,” he pants out. He feels pathetic under
Bertholdt’s touch, feeling so inadequate in comparison, but it’s different for
Bertholdt too. Bertholdt had never been in control before, was usually in
Reiner’s position, reduced to a sputtering mess under Erwin’s touch. He tried
to recall what the older man would do, while at the same time pushing his
personal feelings out of his mind, telling himself he was only doing this to
help Reiner’s issue of self-identity and curiosity, and that he wasn’t doing it
for his own selfish reasons.
Bertholdt’s hand snakes further up his chest, pulling his shirt up with it. A
thumb grazes a nipple and Reiner gasps. Pulling away Bertholdt tugs off his
shirt and Reiner stiffens slightly.
“Should we do this here?”
“My mom wont be home till later,” Bertholdt reassures him and moves back to
kiss down his neck, then down his chest, leaving behind little licks and bites
in the process. Reiner has his hands in Bertholdt’s hair as his head moves
down. He thinks for a moment about the shortness of it, looking down at his
pale fingers threaded in the black strains and it’s so different than anything
else he’s experienced before. Then Bertholdt wraps his lips around a nipple and
Reiner lets out a higher-than-he’d-like-to-admit-pitched gasp, leaning upward
into the touch. He knew girls were sensitive there but none of his girlfriends
before had ever touched him there like this and he didn’t know it was supposed
to feel this good for men too. Was it? He hoped it wasn’t weird how good it
felt but he guessed it wasn’t if Bertholdt was doing it to begin with and his
breath hitches as Bertholdt sucks at the nub and flicks his tongue over it at
the same time.
The taller boy slides further down his body, keeping his hands on Reiner’s hips
as he kisses and licks down his torso, dipping his tongue into the curves of
his muscles. Erwin had been muscular, but not quite as muscular as Reiner.
Reiner’s gotten blowjobs before so he doesn’t know why he’s so nervous when
Bertholdt is kneeling in front of him opening the fly of his pants. He moves
his hands so their gripping the edge of the counter as he braces himself for
what’s about to come, watching in wonder as Bertholdt tugs his jeans down to
his thighs, revealing his boxers tented with a hard on.
Bertholdt is nervous too, even though he has given blowjobs before. It’s just
been a long time. Three years to be exact. And seeing the bulge in Reiner’s
boxers makes the situation feel a little more real. Attentively he rubs at it
with the palm of his hand, briefly glancing up to see Reiner’s mouth drop open
and eyes close.
He licks his lips as he pulls Reiner out of his boxers, gently stroking him to
full hardness. Reiner is biting his lip and still has his eyes closed and
Bertholdt takes one last look at his face before wrapping his lips around the
head, almost experimentally, as if to make sure he hasn’t forgotten how to do
this.
Reiner’s gotten blowjobs before, but it wouldn’t seem like it by the noises
he’s making as Bertholdt takes more of him into his mouth, bobbing his head and
flicking his tongue around the tip and under the underside and pressing against
the spot just on the back of the head. Reiner gasps, moaning out a string of
‘fuckfuckfuck,’ and takes one hand off the counter to thread his fingers back
into Bertholdt’s hair, finally opening his eyes to look down at the man
kneeling before him and he doesn’t think he’s ever been more turned on before
in his life.
Bertholdt takes it as encouragement, pulling his head away with a ‘pop’ and
stroking Reiner’s cock, now slick with spit, twisting his wrist at the head and
circling his thumb over the slit. He keeps jerking him at the top while moving
down, licking at the base and then at his balls and Reiner grips his hair
tighter.
“Holy shit,” he pants, “fuck, you’re good at that.”
His voice is shaky and his hips buck as Bertholdt takes him back into his
mouth. Bertholdt feels himself getting hard, relishing in the reaction he’s
getting from Reiner. Erwin had always guided him through everything, gently
stroking his hair as he sucked him off, telling him what to do and just
muttering things like ‘good boy’ in his smooth calm voice. It was different to
be praised so enthusiastically, and he loves the sounds he’s getting out of the
other boy, but then he feels pathetic because he knows he’s taking advantage of
Reiner’s curiosity and he feels guilty for getting hard just by sucking him
off. He doesn’t want Reiner to know how it’s effecting him but it was getting
to be a little too much, and he keeps one hand holding the base of Reiner’s
cock while sucking him off and then moves his other hand to the bulge in his
own pants, shamelessly rubbing it with his palm.
Reiner is gripping the edge of the counter hard, trying not to use as much
force with his other hand in Bertholdt’s hair and trying to not thrust into his
mouth. His own mouth is dropped open, panting out hot breathes and he can’t
stop grunting out ‘fuckfuckshitholyfuck,’ because it’s so different from any
other blowjob he’s ever gotten, and Bertholdt’s face is red and his hair is
getting sweaty in his grip and he looks so good and Reiner can see him palming
at his own erection as he skillfully laps at his cock engulfed in his mouth and
it’s too much and he tugs on Bertholdt’s hair in warning, calling out, “fuck,
Bertl, I’m gonna –” just as he cums.
Bertholdt tries to prepare himself but it’s been a while and even as he
swallows most of it some still seeps out over his lips and down his chin. He
pulls away, gasping, and Reiner’s hand is still in his hair and he looks up at
him to see the other man’s chest heaving, pink from his shoulders up, and
looking down at him with wide eyes.
“Holy shit, Bertholdt.”
Suddenly Bertholdt becomes self aware, with Reiner eyeing his face, and quickly
wipes at his chin. Reiner wishes he could have seen him like that a little
longer, the white ribbons of himself looking good on his tan skin, but he
shakes the thought away, feeling a little dirty. Then he realizes his hand is
still in his hair and he pulls it away quickly.
Bertholdt is still on the floor, his painfully hard erection making him not
want to stand quite yet, and Reiner notices. The large blonde swallows hard,
and once he composed himself he asks, “Can I do you?”
From the floor Bertholdt stares up at him dumbly, “w-what?”
Reiner licks his lips, eyes shifting down to the bulge in his pants, “I know it
probably wont be good but, uh, I want to…”
He doesn’t finish his thought but Bertholdt nods nonetheless, feeling a little
taken aback as Reiner gives him a hand to help him stand.
Leaning himself against the opposite counter Bertholdt waits for Reiner to make
the first move and the other boy hesitates for a moment, watching as
Bertholdt’s chest is still rising and falling quicker than usual and he tugs at
the hem of his shirt.
He looks at his face and Bertholdt nods, lifting his arms and allowing Reiner
to pull the shirt over his head. Dropping it to the floor he then places his
hands on Bertholdt’s hips, and the taller boy feels a little self-conscious as
Reiner’s eyes rake over his torso. He knows he’s not as muscular as Reiner, and
he’s even a little underweight, his waist curving inward a little too much for
a boy. Attentively Reiner glides his hands upwards, not noticing Bertholdt’s
uneasiness, as he experimentally touches him. He swallows hard, taking in the
feel of the other boy, just feeling what it’s like to touch another man in
general, and also relishing in all that is Bertholdt, the body he’s been
pinning after for so long, and the friend he grew feelings for.
Bertholdt’s breath quickens again as Reiner’s teasing fingers caress his body,
running over his toned stomach and chest, experimentally grazing over nipples,
making Bertholdt gasp, and then his hands glide up to his neck and he’s cupping
his face as he pulls him into a kiss. Reiner kisses him for a while, tasting
himself on his lips, and it’s so different from every other time before when
he’s done this with a girl, but he tries not to dwell on it, not wanting to get
too attached to the feeling of Bertholdt’s lips on his, which are surprisingly
soft.
He moves down his body, mimicking what Bertholdt had done before, and he stops
at his nipples, realizing that it isn’t different from how he would suck on a
girl’s nipple. The skin there is tighter, instead of feeling the softness of a
breast around his lips, it’s more firm, but the technique is the same, and he
has Bertholdt gasping under his touch as he sucks on one while pinching the
other. It gives him a little confidence boost as he remembers he isn’t
completely naïve when it comes to sex. Bertholdt is gripping the edge of the
counter, not wanting to touch Reiner even though he wants to. He doesn’t want
to scare him, or make him feel pressured. He can’t even believe Reiner is doing
this and he still feels slightly guilty, knowing Reiner is just using him as an
experiment but letting him do so even though he knows it’s bad.
Reiner gets more apprehensive as he moves further down, and he actually wishes
Bertholdt would put his hand in his hair, to help guide him, but he doesn’t,
and he hopes it’s not because he’s doing something wrong. He looks up at
Bertholdt expectedly as he reaches his waistband and the taller boy just gives
him a little nod, letting him know it’s ok to continue.
Taking a shaky breath he undoes Bertholdt’s button and fly, pulling down his
jeans past his thigh and eyeing the tent in his boxers. It’s big, well, bigger
than Reiner’s, he can tell already, and he gulps. Bertholdt can tell he’s
nervous and he places a hand on his shoulder, hoping to offer some kind of
reassurance.
Reiner appreciates the touch, and gently removes Bertholdt from his boxers,
eyes wide at the look and feel of it heavy in his hand. It feels different than
his own, but that’s not really surprising he guesses, he carefully pumps it a
few times, looking up to watch Bertholdt’s face. Bertholdt is watching him
closely, mouth relaxed and letting out little puffs of hot air. Reiner takes a
deep breath before experimentally sticking his tongue out to lap at the head,
from the underside to circling over the top. Bertholdt lets out a little gasp
and it encourages him to wrap his lips around the head completely. It tastes
pretty much how he expected it to. Salty, musky, but it isn’t unpleasant.
Bertholdt’s hand slips up towards the back of his neck, teasingly touching the
hair there and silently guiding Reiner further. Reiner takes the hint, taking
more of him into his mouth but he can get nowhere near all of it in. He tries
his best to keep a suction going while bobbing his head but it’s a little too
much for him to handle and he pulls away with a cough.
Bertholdt pets his hair, “j-just lick it first.”
He feels stupid saying it out loud, and he wishes he had the calm poise of
Erwin to guide Reiner through this but instead he stutters and his voice sounds
annoyingly high pitched in his own ears.
Reiner glances at him briefly before taking his advice and then lifting his
cock up so he can lick along the underside of it, gliding his tongue up and
down it and getting it slick with spit. Bertholdt let’s out a low moan of
approval. Then Reiner puts the tip back in his mouth again, sucking and
circling his tongue around it as he uses his hand to jerk off the rest of it
that isn’t in his mouth, now aided by the wetness of his spit. He continues
doing it in the fashion until Bertholdt is whimpering above him, his hand
massaging at the back of his head and his hips shaking trying not to thrust
into his mouth. Reiner looks up at him while working on his cock, adding a
twist to his wrist and pressing his tongue against the sensitive spot
underneath the head. Bertholdt throws his head back, gasping loudly, his face
and chest flushed red, and Reiner is proud that he is making him look like
this. He’s surprised at the little moans and gasps coming out of his mouth,
surprised that he’s getting him to make them, and surprised at how graceful and
lovely they sound. His deep voice slightly higher pitched as he moans little
whines and he’s saying something but they aren’t really words, Reiner thinks he
hears something sounding like ‘please’ but he isn’t sure. Regardless he pumps
his cock faster, gripping tighter and flicking his wrist with a little more
confidence as he laps at the head while sucking hard.
“R-Reiner,” Bertholdt gasps, “Ah, I’m c-close.”
He tells him to warn him incase he wants to pull away, but Reiner just works
his cock harder, not taking his mouth away, and braces himself for Bertholdt to
spill into his mouth as the other boy grips his hair tighter and comes with a
long loud gasp, breath hitching, and moaning out a barley audible ‘R-Re-
Reiner…”
It’s a lot harder to swallow than Reiner thought, and he can’t get it all,
pulling away halfway through Bertholdt’s orgasm with a cough and getting the
rest on his cheek and chin.
“A-ah, s-sorry,” Bertholdt stutters, still hazy from the high of the orgasm,
and Reiner just wipes it off with the back of his hand, licking his lips and
tasting the last bit of Bertholdt on them. It wasn’t bad.
“How was it?” He asks, staying kneeling on the ground, looking up at Bertholdt
expectedly.
The tall boy looks down at him and the question hurts his heart a little bit,
remembering that this was nothing more than practice for him, but he looks so
good kneeling in front of him like that, lips swollen and pale skin tinted
pink, and he knows he shouldn’t have more than physical feelings for him but he
does and it hurts.
“G-good,” he nervously laughs. It had been better than good, but that was also
taking into account that Bertholdt hadn’t been touched by anyone else in a
while, and also taking into account that it was Reiner, and anything Reiner did
was great in his eyes.
Reiner nods, smiling shyly and averting his gaze before standing. They clean up
properly in the kitchen sink, washing hands and their faces, before putting
their shirts back on. It’s a little awkward, more awkward than it should be
between two people who just shared such a private intimate moment. Bertholdt
walks Reiner to the door and the large blonde awkwardly shifts on his feet.
“So, uh, I’ll see you later?” He wonders if he should kiss him goodbye, but
decides against it, figuring it’s a little too ‘relationship-y,’ which they
most definitely were not in.
Bertholdt nods, “yeah, sure.”
Reiner nods back and clears his throat, “Alright, uh, thanks.”
“No problem,” he hates himself as he says it, giving the other boy a small fake
smile. He knows he just used Reiner to his own advantage and he knows he’ll
hate himself for it later because he can already feel a tug in his chest
knowing that they’ll never have anything more serious.
Reiner leaves the house feeling confused. He had just had the best orgasm in
his life and he finally got to get with another man, and Bertholdt nonetheless,
but knowing that it was nothing serious to him made him feel bad and he hated
it. He knew he wasn’t important to Bertholdt, but he wished he could be, and he
knew getting into this would just make it harder for him to deal with his
feelings but at the same time he didn’t want to say no.
Chapter End Notes
     The whole reason i wrote this story was because i wanted a fic where
     Bertholdt was the more experienced one and got to be the one to teach
     Reiner, because i've never seen that before, but then it became
     something much larger than that (it was originally only going to be
     about 3 parts) and i'm worried now it seems out of character? i
     wanted to stick with my original idea while working it into this new
     plot i created and i hope it still works and doesn't seem weird/out
     of place. So, please let me know what you think.
     Once again i appreciate everyone's comments and everyone who is
     leaving kudos. You guys are the best. Also, thanks to everyone who
     has been reading on tumblr. Love you all<3
***** Chapter 9 *****
Chapter Summary
     Reiner gets another tutoring lesion from Bertholdt.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
“You did what?”
“Please don’t make me say it out loud again,” Bertholdt slumps down on the
table, resting his head on his crossed arms.
Annie looks over at him from her books and lets out a huff of air, “jheeze, I
sent him over there to talk to you not for you to blow him.”
“Annie,” Bertholdt lifts his head slightly just to hiss at her. He looks around
the library just to make sure no one heard, even though he already knows they
are the only ones there, “don’t say it like that…plus, he returned the favor.”
He says the last part with a blush, and Annie also doesn’t miss the small smile
on his face.
“Really?” She’s a little surprised, “So, does that mean you guys are like
together?”
“No,” Bertholdt lets his head fall again, “it was just kinda like a thing
between friends.”
“Bertholdt,” he can hear the disapproval in her voice.
“I know,” he groans back, “it’s bad.”
Annie sighs, and knowing that Reiner likes him back she asks, “why don’t you
just tell him how you really feel?”
Bertholdt lifts his head, “no, I can’t do that.”
“Why not? Maybe he’ll return your feelings…” she doesn’t want to out right say
that she knows Reiner likes him, but she wants to push him in the right
direction. Maybe she’d have a talk with Reiner later…
“No,” Bertholdt shakes his head, his face firm in his decision, “I don’t want
to risk it.”
“What’s the risk?” she shrugs, “it might be worth it, especially if you might
just end up getting hurt more later.”
“Annie, please. I finally have my best friend back. I don’t want to scare him
away. Can’t you just let me enjoy this?” He answers, irritated, “things are
already better. He’s talking to me at school, and we’re hanging out again later
today.”
She rolls her eyes, “are you hanging out or are you sucking each others’
dicks?”
“Annie,” he hisses again, and she just snickers at his embarrassment.
 
She is partially right though, but not entirely. Reiner and Bertholdt did start
hanging out more, Reiner coming over to Bertholdt’s house after school and a
lot of the time all they did was hang out, for the most part. Sometimes they
studied together, sometimes they watched movies, and sometimes they went to the
local gym to work out. Of course there were a couple occasions where watching a
movie had turned into a make-out session on the couch, or a study night had
turned into dry humping on Bertholdt’s bed, but they had never done anything
past that, never crossing the line they did that one day before. It was awkward
at first, the first time they hung out after their first experimental
exploration together nothing happened, both of them being to afraid to tread
into that territory again. Even so, it hadn’t been too bad just acting casual
with one another, and they just hung out like regular friends would. It wasn’t
until about 2 weeks later something had happened again. It was bound to; of
course, especially now that Reiner didn’t feel awkward talking to him in the
locker room, and Bertholdt didn’t miss the glances the other boy would throw
him in the shower. Reiner knew he had to keep them in check, because of the
other guys, but it wasn’t as weird for him to be looking at him since they were
friends now. Before it would have been weird, to be looking at someone who
isn’t even his friend, but now he would just look at him and then walk over to
him to talk, like it was normal.
So the second time they hooked up was once again at Bertholdt’s house, when the
taller boy was trying to show Reiner an Ingmar Berman film, “Hour of the Wolf,”
to be specific, but Reiner wasn’t interested in reading the Swedish subtitles,
and instead scooted so he was as close to Bertholdt as he could get, and when
the other boy looked over at him his lips were on his and they spent the whole
time making out.
The closest they had gotten to anything more serious was after working out at
the gym one day. Reiner had spent the hour doing cardio, because Bertholdt
insisted it was just as important as muscle training, and Bertholdt spent the
hour lifting weights, because Reiner told him he needed to bulk up. It was
afterwards; in the public locker room that Bertholdt was pressed against a
locker with Reiner grinding against him. It was hot and sweaty but Reiner
couldn’t stand watching Bertholdt wipe down his bare torso for more than 30
seconds before attacking him. The thin fabric of their gym shorts making the
friction of their erections rubbing together painfully frustrating, but once
someone entered the room they had to pull away from each other fast, acting
like nothing had happened at all.
They didn’t talk about it, even though it kept happening. The weird part was
that most of the time it wasn’t even overly sexual, usually just kissing and
biting at each others necks, the farthest ever being heavy petting, and even
that was while still clothes, but nothing more than that. It became more of a
playful thing and it gave Bertholdt butterflies in his stomach when he thought
about it. It made it seem more real, like an actual relationship, but he didn’t
want to get to ahead of himself and would inwardly kick himself whenever he
thought like that. Reiner was just testing out the waters, he would remind
himself, and maybe he was still too nervous to push it forward, and Bertholdt
was too shy to ask him to go any further, still being cautious about scaring
him away, and not wanting to seem too eager.
Reiner couldn’t keep his hands off Bertholdt once he grew more confident with
himself. Making out was easy, it wasn’t any different than being with a girl,
and same with teasing nips and licks along necks and ears. Everything past that
was a little more intimidating though, and Reiner wanted to do more, a lot
more, but he didn’t want Bertholdt to feel like he was using him, and since the
other boy hadn’t taking initiative to do anything more he figured he didn’t
want to. The first time Bertholdt was so quick to get on his knees, and Reiner
really wouldn’t mind doing that again, but he was too afraid of pushing his
luck. Plus, he didn’t mind taking it slow. It was nice, but deep down he knew
it wasn’t anything as serious to Bertholdt as it was to him.
It was playful, it was casual, and it felt nice despite the loaming feeling of
dread knowing it would be nothing more than that. It was a mutual feeling for
both of them, but of course none of them knew that. Annie had mentioned to
Bertholdt multiple times to just say something. Every time Bertholdt told her
how they were hanging out she would ask him, ‘are you going to tell him?’ and
he would say that he would, but he never did. She didn’t bother talking to
Reiner, not yet at least, but she was pretty sure he got the message by the
evil glares she would send him every time they passed each other in the
hallway. Reiner knew he should say something eventually, but he wanted to
benefit from this while he could; enjoying the casual back and forth he had
with his old friend. He did feel guilty, he really did, knowing he was taking
advantage of Bertholdt’s kindness, but it wasn’t like Bertholdt wasn’t enjoying
himself either. He just wanted to make sure it stayed that way, not wanting to
push it by confessing his true feelings and making the other boy uncomfortable.
Today they were studying together. Bertholdt wasn’t tutoring him anymore, not
officially, although he did help him sometimes, but mostly they just did their
separate homework assignments together. They sat in Bertholdt’s room, at his
desk, and the tall boy had his nose deep within a book, taking notes as he
read, while Reiner leaned back in his chair, avoiding doing the rest of his
pre-calc homework.
“Hey,” the blonde leans forward, resting his arms heavily on the desk, and
tilts himself closer to Bertholdt, so his arm is touching the other boy’s,
“what are you reading?”
“Montaigne,” he answer’s flatly, not looking up.
“What’s that,” Reiner pesters him further, leaning into him more and quirking
his head to try and read past Bertholdt’s face, which is buried in the book.
“He is a writer from the 18th century,” Bertholdt clarifies, “it’s a collection
of his essays.”
“Sound’s boring.”
“It’s actually pretty interesting,” Bertholdt hums, lifting his head up
slightly and pointing to a passage in the book, “Look, he writes a lot about
life and death and his depression and coping with it, ‘once upon a time I used
to mark as exceptional the dark, depressing days; those days are now my routine
ones, it is the ones which are beautiful and serene which are extraordinary
now…tickle myself I may, but I cannot force a laugh out of this vile body…my
mode of being is beginning to like dwelling in the pain.’”
Reiner listened closely as his friend read, his voice deep and smooth, and
although most of what was being said went right over Reiner’s head, he felt
himself getting lost in his words.
There is a moment of silence and Bertholdt sighs, making a note in his book.
“That sounds depressing,” Reiner finally comments, resting his head on his
shoulder.
“It is kind of,” Bertholdt replies, “but it’s interesting, isn’t it?”
Reiner feels a twinge of sadness as he listens to Bertholdt talk about the
work.
“Can you read more?” He asks, wanting to listen to Bertholdt’s voice a little
longer.
The taller boy flips through a few pages before picking out another section and
reading it out loud. The words float through Reiner’s head, in one ear and out
the other, and he listens to Bertholdt’s voice like it’s music rather than an
actual voice speaking information. He starts to doze off, his head resting
heavily on Bertholdt’s shoulder.
“Reiner,” Bertholdt nudges him before he can begin to drool on his shoulder,
“Reiner, wake up, you still have work to do.”
“Noo,” Reiner groans, groggily opening his eyes, “I can do it later.”
Bertholdt sighs, “will you?”
“Yes, I will,” Reiner yawns and stretches, “your sad book put me to sleep.”
“You asked me to read it to you,” Bertholdt grumbles, feeling slightly
offended.
“You sound nice when you read,” and Reiner barely registers how he’s being a
little too friendly, which is kind of ridiculous in the sense that they are
friendly in other ways, but he’s always careful to not show his deeper
feelings.
Bertholdt blushes, rubbing the back of his neck and not saying anything.
Reiner clears his throat, “do you like it cause you relate to it?”
Bertholdt is a little surprised by the question, “what?”
The blonde’s face is scrunched up in thought and he isn’t looking at the other
boy, “the book, do you like it cause you understand?”
Bertholdt shrugs, “I don’t know, I guess there are some things I connect with.”
Reiner hums and thinks for a moment, before breaking out into a grin. Bertholdt
looks at him in confusion.
“So, ‘tickle yourself you may but you still wont laugh?’” Reiner makes a poor
attempt at quoting the book.
“That’s – that’s not what he says,” Bertholdt mutters, averting his eyes in
embarrassment, like he is being mocked.
But then Reiner is lunging forward and is gripping Bertholdt’s sides, moving
his fingers fast and nimble, tickling him, and Bertholdt lets out a shriek
before bursting into laughter.
“What – no – stop!” He yells between gasps of laughter but Reiner keeps going.
“See! You can still laugh! I got you to laugh!” He teases.
“Okokok,” Bertholdt holds his hands up, trying to push Reiner away, as he gasps
for breath, “you made your point! Stop, please!”
Reiner lets out a deep chuckle as he stops, but doesn’t remove his hands from
Bertholdt’s waist, and leans forward, pulling him into a kiss.
The other boy can’t help but smile into the kiss, bringing his hands to the
sides of Reiner’s face as he deepens it, opening his mouth and allowing
Reiner’s tongue to battle with his.
It’s awkward, with Reiner leaning over from his chair to meet Bertholdt who is
sitting in his own, and with the more intense the kiss gets the more Bertholdt
is being forced back and Reiner just wants to climb on him, feel his body
against his.
“Can we,” he barely breaks contact with his lips to whisper over Bertholdt’s,
“can we move to your bed?”
Bertholdt nods, breathing hotly back into Reiner’s mouth, and they kiss for a
few minutes more, not wanting to even part for a second, before finally
standing and moving to the bed.
Reiner lays down first and pulls Bertholdt on top of him. Bertholdt slides into
place with his legs tangling with the other boy’s and holding himself up with
his hands on each side of his shoulders. Reiner pulls him down roughly, needing
to feel more of him. He grips the back of his neck as he kisses him, and his
other hand wraps around his hips so they’re flush against his own. Bertholdt
explores the other boy’s broad chest with his hand, rubbing against the fabric
of his t-shirt, the rough material adding extra friction when grazing a nipple,
making Reiner groan into the kiss.
There is a heated tension between them, having done this so many times before
but both wanting more and not being sure how to ask. They have a rhythm going
now, grinding their hips against one another, and their kissing had turned into
rough pants against each other’s mouths. Reiner glides a hand up Bertholdt
shirt, feeling his toned skin up his stomach and chest before moving back down,
fingers dancing lightly on his waistband.
“Can I?” He breathes hesitantly and Bertholdt simply nods, lifting himself up
slightly so Reiner can have better access.
The blonde unfastens his pants, dipping a hand inside at first to just grope at
Bertholdt’s erection over his boxers. Bertholdt takes a sharp intake of breath
between clenched teeth and ducks his head. Reiner smiles up at him, feeling a
little proud of himself and being a little more confident than before.
Removing Bertholdt completely from his pants he begins to stroke him, it’s
rough on dry skin, and the tall boy above him groans.
“Wait,” he says, and Reiner stops suddenly, pulling his hand away and looking
up at him worried he’s done something wrong, “uh, you too.”
“Oh, right, ok,” Reiner chuckles as the other boy works at opening his pants,
wasting no time pulling him out, and then he shifts his body so their bare
cocks rub against one another.
Reiner throws his head back with a gasp, the sensation feeling so much
different than while clothed, and he rocks his hips back up eagerly to meet
Bertholdt’s. It’s rough against dry skin but Reiner doesn’t care because it
feels good regardless, and he carefully sneaks a hand between them to grip at
both their cocks, feeling a little unsure but smirking once getting a good
reaction out of the other boy.
Bertholdt gasps, bucking his hips into Reiner’s hand and against his cock,
biting his lip as he did. After a few moments the friction is a little too much
though and he sits up.
“Hold on,” he says, his voice thick and heavy with arousal as he leans over
Reiner to reach in his nightstand, pulling out a bottle of lube. He adjusts
himself back to where he was and smiles sheepishly down at the blonde while
opening to bottle, “this will make it easier.”
Reiner just nods, not trusting himself to speak, as Bertholdt coats both of
their erections with the liquid, gracefully sliding his hand up and down their
cocks until he gets a steadily rhythm going. Bertholdt has his head ducked
down, resting in the crook of Reiner’s neck as the other boy has his head
thrown back, and both of them are panting heavily.
“Bertholdt,” Reiner breathes, turning his head so his face is in Bertholdt’s
hair, “Bertholdt, wait.”
Bertholdt stops, and straightens himself up slightly to look down at Reiner.
His face is red and Bertholdt can’t tell if it’s from arousal or embarrassment.
Reiner tries to think of the best way to word this, still breathing heavily, he
licks his lips, “can I ask you something?”
Bertholdt’s a little confused but he nods nonetheless.
“You, you’ve uh, you know?” He averts his eyes.
Bertholdt raises a brow, shaking his head, unsure of what he’s asking.
“You know,” Reiner repeats again, looking down at the discarded bottle of lube
left on the edge of the bed.
“Are you, are you asking if I’m a virgin?” Bertholdt stutters, face definitely
red with embarrassment now. Reiner just nods. “N-no.”
“I mean,” Reiner struggles to find the words again, “like, the other way too…”
Bertholdt sits up, the mood leaving him entirely, and he wipes his hand on his
bed sheet absentmindedly, answering flatly and simply, “I’m not a virgin
Reiner.”
Reiner follows him, sitting up as well, and grabs his arm, “Sorry, I didn’t
mean to make you uncomfortable it’s just…I wanted to know…what it’s like…”
The tall boy stares at him, still straddling his hips, his erection only half
hard by now and getting softer by the second. He shrugs, “I don’t know. It’s
hard to explain. I mean, you’ve, you know, before?” He makes a motion with his
fingers.
Reiner shakes his head, “no.”
“Not at all?” Bertholdt’s a little shocked at that. When he and Erwin first
started hooking up even he had experimented with fingering himself a little
bit. It was awful of course, not really knowing what he was doing at all, but
Erwin had shown him otherwise of course.
Reiner had a similar problem that Bertholdt did when he first tried. He had
tried, naturally he was curious, but he couldn’t get in a comfortable position,
and when he did manage to get a finger in there it hurt like hell, so
eventually he just gave up.
“Can you show me?”
“W-what?” Bertholdt stutters, “You want me to –?”
Reiner shakes his head quickly, “I mean, can you, you know, yourself, and I can
watch? I just – can’t figure it out on my own…”
“Oh,” Bertholdt blushes and swallows hard, throat suddenly dry, “u-um I guess.”
Reiner smiles at him in thanks before they both shift on the bed. Reiner moves
to sit on the end, watching as Bertholdt sheepishly takes off his pants and
boxers, but he leaves his shirt on, feeling a little uncomfortable with the
idea of being completely nude in front of the other boy while he was still
fully clothed. Reiner’s cock is still out of his pants, and he lazily strokes
it as Bertholdt lies down on the bed, picking up the bottle of lube to coat his
fingers, and then spreading his legs. His hands are shaky, and he tries to keep
himself as covered as possible while still opening his legs. It’s embarrassing,
being so vulnerable in front of Reiner, but he has to admit he is a little
turned on. He reminds himself he’s doing this because Reiner wants to know how
to do it to himself. It’s just like a tutoring lesion, he thinks, just a
different kind of lesion, one he never ever thought in a million years he’d be
giving to Reiner.
He begins to work himself over, stroking his cock with one hand trying to relax
as he hooks an arm under his leg and massages a finger over his hole. He has
his head turned to the side, away from Reiner, but he can still feel the
blonde’s eyes on him, and it’s making him uneasy.
“C-can you look away for a second?” He mumbles, “I can’t relax with you
staring.”
“Oh, sorry, yeah,” and Reiner tears his eyes away from the sight. He waits for
a moment as Bertholdt gets more comfortable, he can hear his breathing getting
quicker, and finally he gasps out, “O-ok you can look now.”
Reiner turns his head back and his jaw drops. Bertholdt has two fingers inside
him, pumping in and out, while this other hand strokes himself. His face is
still turned away from Reiner’s but he can still see the expression of ecstasy
on it, mouth open as he pants out short breathy moans. His shirt is hitched up
a little bit, revealing a small sliver of his toned stomach. Reiner can’t keep
his eyes off him as he bucks his hips erratically, trying to both thrust into
his hand and also push back on his fingers, trying to get them as deep as
possible. Reiner can see they are shaking slightly as they stretch him, and
their movements get more inconsistent as he goes, soft moans leaving his lips,
high pitched gasps escaping every couple of seconds, and he almost forgets that
Reiner is even there. Bertholdt’s eyes are shut, he had them shut earlier to
try and ignore Reiner’s presence out of embarrassment, but now they were just
shut due to pleasure, and while he did manage to get so lost in pleasure that
he forgot Reiner was sitting right at his bed, that didn’t mean Reiner had left
his thoughts. His fingers weren’t enough, they never were, and he pumped
himself harder, imaging Reiner’s thick cock in their place.
“A-ah, please,” he moans, and he can barely registers Reiner’s breathing in the
background, the sound of Reiner’s hand moving on his own cock slapping skin
mingling with the sounds his own body’s movements were making, “f-fuck, R-
Reiner.”
Bertholdt’s movements stop suddenly once he realizes he’s moaned out his
friend’s name without the other man even touching him. He opens his eyes in
shock and shame, and is about to apologize when he sees Reiner he moving over
him, grabbing his wrist to remove his fingers from inside him and then pulls
him into a heated kiss.
Reiner’s dropped his grip on Bertholdt’s wrist and moves his own hand between
them. He barely grazes a finger over Bertholdt’s hole, whispering over his
lips, “Can I?”
Bertholdt nods enthusiastically, lost in the moment, and reaches his head up to
grab his lips in another kiss, moaning into his mouth. Reiner circles the tight
ring of muscles, collecting the extra lube that had dripped there before
pushing a finger in, followed quickly by adding a second. It isn’t much
different than fingering a girl, it’s tighter, hotter, and Bertholdt is
groaning beneath him, still jerking his own cock as Reiner works his fingers
inside him. He does what he would do to a girl, testing it out to see if it’d
have the same effect. He twists his fingers, crosses them, and hooks them
forward. It seems to work because Bertholdt’s gasps get more desperate, and his
moans getting louder.
“F-fuck, Reiner, right there,” he grips the blonde’s shoulder with his free
hand, rocking his hips to meet his fingers, grinding them down so they meet
that sweet spot inside him.
Reiner simply watches in wonder, relishing in the sight of Bertholdt in
complete bliss, and taking pride in knowing it’s him making him feel this way.
It doesn’t take long for Bertholdt to cum, splattering over his partially
exposed stomach and t-shirt. Reiner removes his finger and watches as Bertholdt
comes down from his high, the taller boy immediately blushes and turns his head
away to hide his face once he notices how Reiner is staring.
“T-that was cool,” Reiner lamely says, breaking the silence between them that
was only interrupted by Bertholdt’s heavy breathing.
The other boy lets out a dry laugh, trying to ignore his sense of shame, “now
it’s your turn?”
It would have sounded cool if his voice didn’t squeak in question at the end,
and of course he still couldn’t meet Reiner’s gaze, but he can feel the larger
boy shifting on the bed. He finally looks over, and sees he is removing his
pants, and Bertholdt sits up in anticipation.
Once his pants are off Reiner leans back on the bed, lifting one leg and
bending it at the knee, “yeah, do me now.”
Bertholdt gulps as he looks down at him before hesitantly moving to adjust to a
better position. It’s still registering in his brain that Reiner is asking him
to do this, and his body moves without much thought as he kneels besides
Reiner, grabbing the bottle of lube and slicking up his fingers. Carefully he
nudges Reiner’s legs so they are spread more and moves his hand between them,
gently massaging his entrance. When he looks at Reiner’s face he can see it’s
scrunched up in anticipation for pain.
“You have to relax,” he tells him, “it’ll only be bad if you can’t relax.”
“I’m trying,” the other boy grunts out.
Bertholdt sighs and adjusts himself again, moving to slide down so he’s lying
on the bed between Reiner’s legs, “here, let me just do this first to help.”
Without any other warning he’s engulfing Reiner’s cock in his mouth, taking him
in as much as he can and sucking hard.
Reiner gasps loudly, “Oh, f-fuck,” and grips a hand in his hair.
Bertholdt drops him from his mouth; moving down to lap at his balls, and then
moving lower, tongue teasingly circling his hole.
This startles Reiner, and his whole body jerks back, “Wha – Bertholdt!”
Bertholdt grabs his thighs, keeping him in place and continues to lick at his
entrance, circling it, before dipping in, and removing it again to lap around
it and repeating.
Reiner had seen people do this porn, but usually he skipped over the foreplay
part and just watched the fucking part and the end, and every time he saw
someone getting their ass eaten out he always thought that wasn’t something
that looked very appealing. But apparently he was wrong because he’s squirming
under the touch and moaning out incoherent variations of,
‘shitfuckdamnohgodfuck,’ over and over again.
After a few moments Bertholdt lifts his head, and before Reiner can register
that his mouth is gone it’s replaced with a finger pressing into him and he
groans, trying to will his body to stay relaxed.
Bertholdt takes a hold of his cock and begins to lazily stroke it in time with
his finger’s shallow thrusts inside of him. Slowly he pushes it deeper each
time, being careful to watch Reiner’s face and pay attention to his breathing,
to make sure he isn’t pushing him to far.
The blonde boy is a squirming mess under him; legs shaking the more Bertholdt
thrust his finger into him. It feels weird, but it isn’t bad like how when he
tried to do it himself. It feels good, but once he gets used to the new
sensation he tenses up again when Bertholdt adds a second finger.
Bertholdt strokes him with more purpose now, providing him with a distraction
as he adjusts to the added digit. Then he curls his fingers, searching for that
spot, and can’t help but smile a little triumphantly when he finds it. And he
knows he finds it when Reiner lets out a loud yelp, back arching, and gripping
the sheets, twisting them in his hands.
“H-holy shit,” he grunts, “Oh fuck Bertl.”
Bertholdt continues to massage him there, staring down at him and in his hazy
mind finally thinking, ‘oh wow I can’t believe this is even happening,’ and
‘Reiner looks so good like this.’
It doesn’t take long before Reiner is cumming, dirtying his own shirt as he
does, and Bertholdt slowly milks him until he’s a drooling sputtering mess on
his bed.
“Fuck, Bertl,” he finally speaks coherently as Bertholdt tries to clean up,
wiping his hands on his shirt and then removing it completely, since it was
dirty anyway.
“Ok?” Bertholdt asks, standing to pick up and put on his pants.
“Fuck, dude,” Reiner can’t even move and just lets his head fall back on
Bertholdt’s pillow, “I didn’t know it was supposed to feel that good.”
Bertholdt just smiles sheepishly at him, and then gestures to his shirt, “you
might want to change out of that. You can borrow one of mine.”
Reiner laughs, “yeah, good idea.”
Bertholdt pulls out a t-shirt for him and tosses it on the bed while finding a
new t-shirt for himself. They both get dressed in silence. The shirt Bertholdt
gave him is tight on Reiner, and the tall boy can’t help but burst out in
laughter when he turns to see him. The short sleeves look so tight around his
arms that they look like their cutting off circulation, and his broad chest
looks like it’s about to rip the shirt in two.
Reiner hold a hand up to his chest, “what? Is it really that bad?”
“N-no,” Bertholdt composes himself, “it just looks like you’re going to burst.”
Reiner rolls his eyes in mock announce, but secretly he’s happy to hear
Bertholdt laughing, and he gets warm feeling in his stomach as he thinks about
the moment they just shared followed by this casual one. It made him feel good
that they could still be casual with each other, but god he wanted it to be
more than just that.
It’s getting late and they both know Reiner needs to leave before Bertholdt’s
mom gets home.
“I’ll wash your shirt for you,” Bertholdt tells him as he gathers his books to
leave. Reiner thanks him and they walk to the door together.
This was always the awkward part, goodbyes, neither of them being sure what the
proper etiquette was in this situation.
“I’ll see you tomorrow? You wanna do something after school?” Reiner asks,
standing in the open doorway.
Bertholdt leans on the door, “yeah, sure.”
Reiner smiles at him, “ok, cool,” and then he figures ‘fuck it,’ because after
what just happened he decides there’s really no turning back, and he leans in
to kiss him, “later Bertl.”
Bertholdt stares at him in shock as the other boy walks away, leaving before
even giving him a chance to react. He shuts the door and then leans against it
dumbly, lost in thought, a finger to his lips, and thinking fondly, ‘maybe this
is real.’
Chapter End Notes
     Ok so this chapter was pretty self-indulgent, sorry, but it's
     important to the plot i swear. Also, Bertholdt's homework is always
     my homework, aha, i must subconsciously be feeling guilty that i'm
     supposed to be doing that instead of writing erotic fanfiction...
     Anyway, thank you so so so much to every one who is reading and
     leaving kudos and comments! it really means a lot and i really like
     reading your messages! You guys are the best!<3
***** Chapter 10 *****
Chapter Summary
     Reiner starts to doubt himself, and Bertholdt has a talk with the
     Braun family.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Annie slammed her locker shut, yawing as she did, and jumped when Bertholdt was
standing there next to her, having been blocked by the locker door before.
“Jesus, Bertholdt, what the hell,” she grumbled, being far to early for her to
care that the soft spoken boy had just managed to startle her, of all people.
He held up a styrofoam cup with a smile, another one in his other hand, “I got
you coffee.”
She takes it, popping off the lid to check that it was how she liked it, black,
no cream, and no sugar. Of course Bertholdt remembered.
“Thanks,” she hums, taking a careful sip, “what’s the occasion?”
Bertholdt shrugs as they begin making their way down the crowded hallway, every
student mingling together before heading to their first class.
“I don’t know. I just woke up a little earlier today and figured I’d get us
coffee.”
Annie gives him a suspicious glance, noticing something different about the
tall boy. He has a slight smile on his face, and his head is held up higher
than usual, walking with more confidence. She stops walking suddenly, turning
to face him, “alright, tell me what’s up.”
Bertholdt stops and stares at her and then blushes. He looks around for a
second before motioning her to follow him a little ways down the hall, into the
art wing of the school, which is a little less crowded.
He stops once they are away from anyone’s ear shot, taking one last look
around, before bending slightly, leaning in to excitedly whisper to her,
“Reiner kissed me last night.”
She quirks her brow, “um, haven’t you two been fucking each other?”
“Sh, Annie,” he chastises her, looking around again, face red with
embarrassment, “and no, we haven’t slept with each other, not all the way at
least.”
She holds a hand up, “I don’t need the details. Just tell me what the
difference is.”
Bertholdt sighs, ducking his head shyly with a little smile, “I don’t know. It
was just different. Like it was real. He kissed me goodbye, and, uh, we usually
don’t do that. So it, I don’t know, it felt different. And he asked to go out
later today, and it was just different.”
She just nods, pondering what he’s saying for a moment, and then reaches out to
pat him on his shoulder, “that’s good Bertholdt. Maybe now are you finally
going to say something?”
Bertholdt averts his gaze, but smiles nonetheless, “um, yeah, I was thinking,
maybe.”
She tilts her head so he’s forced to look at her.
He rolls his eyes, “I know I know. I mean it this time.”
 
“Hey Braun,” Reiner looked up as his name was called. Jean, Marco, Eren, and
Armin walking towards him.
“What’s up guys?” He asks, joining them in their walk down the hall to class.
“We’re all going to into town today after school you coming?”
“Ah, nah,” Reiner shakes his head, “I actually made plans to hang out with
Bertholdt today.”
Jean huffs, letting out a dry chuckle, “Jheeze, you’ve been hanging out with
him a lot recently, it’s like you’re fuckin’ dating or somethin’.”
Reiner lets out a nervous laugh, “ha, very funny.”
He rubs at the back of his neck, thinking for a moment. Was it really that
suspicious that they’d been hanging out a lot? He hadn’t noticed. He hadn’t
been thinking about it, and he inwardly kicked himself for not realizing it
sooner. Of course it would be suspicious, and the last thing he wants is for
them to find out he was gay. Not that he was ashamed, he wasn’t, of course he
wasn’t. And he wasn’t ashamed of Bertholdt. He just didn’t want to make his
teammates uncomfortable, didn’t want to jeopardize the team, yeah, that was
why.
 “Yeah, I guess I can chill today. I’ll tell Bertholdt to take a rain check.”
“You sure?” Armin pipes up.
Reiner clears his throat, “yeah, yeah, it’s cool. I haven’t been to town in a
while anyway.”
“You can invite Bertholdt you know,” Armin says, but Reiner just shrugs.
“It’s whatever,” he waves a hand at the shorter blonde, walking off down
another hallway, heading to his class, “later guys.”
Once he’s gone Armin turns to Jean, “you shouldn’t say things like that.”
“What?” Jean squawks, “say what?”
“The gay thing,” he clarifies.
“Why? What’s the big deal?”
“Because,” Armin continues, giving him a pointed look, “Reiner is gay.”
Jean stops walking, eyes wide, “What?! Since when?”
“It’s obvious,” the blonde shrugs, “Well, he hasn’t come out, but, still, you
should be more sensitive.”
Jean looks between the other guys, trying to gauge if they too had known all
along.
Marco sheepishly smiles at him, “it is a little obvious. Once you think about
it.”
“B-but Annie…”
“Why do you think she was talking to Reiner about Bertholdt?” Armin points out.
“Yeah, come on Jean, even an idiot like you could pick up on that,” Eren
snickers.
“Hey fuck you smartass! You’re just saying that! You didn’t know either!”
 
Bertholdt waited for Reiner after school. They were supposed to meet up on the
side of the building, the east exit, and then walk to the pizza shop on the
outskirts of town. He had been giddy all day, impatient and nervous, planning
on finally saying something to the other boy. Silently repeating the words over
and over again in his head, and despite being so nervous that his hands had
been shaking all day, he told himself that he would do it, no matter what.
But then five minutes turned to ten, then fifteen, then twenty, and he started
to get worried. He took out his cell phone, sending him a text. Maybe he just
got held up talking to a teacher or his coach?
He waited another twenty minutes and after getting no response he called Annie.
“Hello?”
“A-Annie,” he willed his voice to sound normal, but he couldn’t help letting
his emotions show. He knew it was stupid. Reiner was probably busy. He probably
got held up. Something.
“What’s wrong?” She asks, hearing the crack in his voice.
“N-nothing,” he takes a deep breath, “I don’t know. Reiner said he was going to
meet me after school but he hasn’t shown up and, and I tried texting him but he
hasn’t answered.”
The other end is silent for a moment, and Bertholdt can practically hear the
phone creak under Annie’s tightened grip. She sighs, “Maybe something happened.
You should go to his house.”
“His house?” Bertholdt questions in confusion, and then shakes his head, even
though she can’t see, “n-no, I can’t do that. I don’t want to just show up
unannounced.”
“Why not?” She retorts, “Something could have happened. You should go see.
Plus, you’re friends. It’s not weird.”
“I-I don’t want to bother him if he doesn’t want to see me.”
“Bertholdt,” her voice is stern, “don’t talk like that. You go and you talk to
him. If he doesn’t want to see you he should have to decency to say something.
You’re his friend. He can’t treat you like this.”
Bertholdt lets out a little whine of distress, not sure what to do, “b-but what
if I’m looking too much into it?”
“It doesn’t matter. You have to stand up for yourself.”
He sighs, knowing she’s right, and says goodbye before hanging up the phone.
Maybe Reiner regretted what happened last night? Maybe he went too far with
him? Maybe he realized that kiss had made things too real, and didn’t want
Bertholdt to get feel too attached. Regardless Annie was right. He needed to
say something. Maybe he wouldn’t say anything about his true feelings yet, but
he wanted to make sure Reiner was ok, and that he hadn’t totally fucked
everything up.
He remembered where his house was; it hadn’t changed much, a light yellow
color, two stories, with green shutters and red front door. The lawn was always
cut perfectly, and Bertholdt remembered even now always seeing Mr. Braun
outside working in the lawn almost every day during the summer. He wondered if
anything had changed at the Braun household the way they had changed in his as
he nervously knocked on the door.
After a moment the door was flung open and Mrs. Braun, a tall woman, with light
hair and blue eyes, greeted him. Reiner got his height from her, and his nose.
“Bertl?!” She yelled, “Is that you?!”
Bertholdt smiled shyly and offered a little wave, “Hi Mrs. Braun. Um, is Reiner
home?”
He felt dumb asking, feeling like he had just stepped into a time machine and
was eight years old again.
“Oh no honey he’s not, but come in, come in,” she urged him inside, and
Bertholdt had no choice but to follow, “Ralf! Bertl is here!”
Bertholdt hears a grunt coming from somewhere else in the house, and once he’s
lead into the living room he sees Mr. Braun sitting on the couch. He stands up
once he sees Bertholdt.
“Holy shit boy, how long has it been?” Mr. Braun was a loud, stocky man,
shorter than Mrs. Braun. Reiner got his broad stature from him, his eyes, and
most of his personality. He was always really gruff, the epitome of a man, and
roughly pulled Bertholdt into a half hug, slinging an arm over his shoulder and
shaking him, then slapping him on the back, “Jesus you fucking grew didn’t
you?”
Bertholdt just mumbles something in response before Mrs. Braun cuts him off.
“Reiner hasn’t come home yet,” she tells him, “but you can wait here until he
gets home.”
“Um, n-no, I probably shouldn’t, I just wanted to ask about some homework. I-
I don’t want to intrude.”
“No, no,” she pulls him into the kitchen, sitting him down at the table and
then moving to the refrigerator, “stay and catch up. We haven’t seen you in so
long. Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?”
“Looks like you could use something,” Mr. Braun grunts in the frame separating
the kitchen and the living room, “you’re skinnier than a twig, boy.”
“Ralf,” the old woman scolds him, “leave the boy be.”
“What?” He holds his arms open in a gesture as if to say ‘what’s-the-big-deal,’
and walks over to Bertholdt, slapping a hand on his shoulder, “you doing any
sports Bertl? You know Reiner’s captain of the football team.”
Bertholdt bitterly thinks that, yes, he knows, since it’s pretty much the
reason they stopped being friends. Reiner got popular once he realized he was
good at sports, but he knew it was always a heavy pressure from his father.
“I’m on the track team,” Bertholdt tells him.
“Track?” The gruff man grumbles, “That ain’t a sport, running in a circle.”
Mrs. Braun huffs, but neither she nor Bertholdt say anything. Bertholdt just
lets out a nervous laugh and Mrs. Braun puts a plate of sausage and potatoes
that he didn’t remember asking for in front of him.
“Hey,” Mr. Braun gripes, “what’d about me?”
“Hush you, you can help yourself,” Mrs. Braun sits down at the table across
from Bertholdt, “So, Bertl, how have you been?”
Mr. Braun is making a lot of noise while getting a plate out of the cabinet and
making himself something to eat, so much so that they all missed the sound of
the front door opening and closing.
Reiner walks into the living room, tossing his book bag onto the couch and
scratching his head, yelling, “Ma, what’s for dinner?”
He stops in the entryway to kitchen when he sees Bertholdt sitting at the
table, “B-Bertholdt?”
“Look!” Mrs. Braun yells, not noticing the heavy tension rising in the room,
“Bertl came by to visit! Isn’t that nice?”
“Uh, yeah,” Reiner mumbles, slowly stepping further into the kitchen, flinching
slightly when his dad playfully punches his arm.
“Told him he ought to take some lesions from you. He’s too skinny. And track is
a sissy sport, if you could even call it that.”
Reiner let’s out a nervous laugh, and looks pointedly at Bertholdt, “what’s
up?”
Bertholdt is shifted in his chair, staring at Reiner with worried eyes, “I-
I wanted to ask you about some homework.”
“Ok,” Reiner says slowly, and moves into the living room, motioning for
Bertholdt to follow him.
Bertholdt nods to Reiner’s mom politely before getting up to follow him. Reiner
shifts through his backpack, pretending to look for something and doesn’t look
up. Suddenly, he speaks loudly, making sure his parents can hear, “oh I think I
left that reading in my room somewhere, you can help me look for it in my pile
of shit on my desk.”
Still without looking at Bertholdt Reiner brushes past him, going up the steps,
Bertholdt follows. They enter his room and Reiner shuts the door behind them.
“What are you doing here?”
Bertholdt looks at him with a hurt expression, but tries to hide it, not
wanting to seem too clingy or express his true feelings too much, “um, I was
worried. W-we were supposed to hang out, remember?”
Reiner groans, running a hand through his hair, “Yeah, yeah, I know. Sorry. I
just…”
He pauses, finally looking Bertholdt in the eye and shaking his head, “Look –
Bertl.”
Bertholdt flinches at the nickname, he doesn’t like the tone it’s being used
in. It hurts. He already knows it’s going to hurt.
Reiner gestures a hand between them, “I-I don’t think we, this, whatever, is
working out. I think we should stop.”
Bertholdt ducks his head, biting his lip, trying to keep himself from shaking
out of anger and confusion and just pure sadness, he had to keep his cool in
front of Reiner, so he didn’t know the truth, “O-ok. I-if you really feel that
way.”
“I do,” Reiner swallows hard, looking away, finding it difficult to look at the
other boy while telling him this, “It’s just…not right.”
Bertholdt simply nods, not trusting his voice.
“We can still be friends,” Reiner adds, as an after thought, and Bertholdt
winces. He’s heard that before. When Berik left, ‘we’ll keep in touch!’ and
when Reiner was making new friends, ‘you’re still my best friend!’ and then his
father, ‘I’ll visit,’ but it was never true.
He clears his throat, “Yeah, of course. Um, I should probably, uh, go.”
“Yeah,” Reiner replies sadly, kicking himself for doing this, but knowing it’s
for the better. It was only making it harder on him to deal with his feelings,
and he couldn’t risk coming out of the closet yet, especially when he and
Bertholdt weren’t even in a serious relationship.
Bertholdt ducks past him, and quickly jots down the steps, yelling out a quick
goodbye and thank you to the Braun’s before leaving and sprinting to his house,
tears already leaking out of his eyes.
Chapter End Notes
     Hope you liked this chapter, even though it's short. I'll try to get
     the next one up soon!
     Thank you again to everyone leaving comments and kudos. It really
     really really means a lot! I love you all<3
***** Chapter 11 *****
Chapter Summary
     The Party, part 1.
Chapter Notes
     This was going to be one chapter but it was too long and I wanted to
     update sooner than later. I'll try and get the next part up asap.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Reiner was grabbing his books out of his locker the next morning in between
first and second period when Annie snuck up behind him.
“Braun.”
He jumps, turning quickly to stare down at the blonde girl, “Jesus, Annie,
don’t sneak up on people like that.”
She seems indifferent to what he’s saying, just continues to glare up at him.
He tries to look back with equal intensity, trying not to be thrown off by her
trade mark ice cold gaze, but he feels his brow twitch, and he knows she sees
it too. He was really hoping she wouldn’t try talking to him today. Damn, he
cursed to himself, couldn’t Bertholdt keep a fucking secret? Did he run to
Annie after every little thing that happened between them?
“What is it Annie?” He asks, starting to feel irritated. Why was he always at
the end of her attacks? He wasn’t the bad guy in this situation. There was no
bad guy. Why did she care what Bertholdt did with his body, and why should it
matter that Reiner didn’t feel like doing it anymore.
“Why wasn’t Bertholdt in Trig this morning?” She asks flatly.
Reiner furrows his brow. Maybe Bertholdt didn’t tell her. He shrugs, “how
should I know?”
“I think you do,” she shoots back, “he told me you ditched him yesterday. Why?
I know you like him more than a friend.”
Reiner is a little taken aback by her being so forward, but he guessed he
should be used to that from her by now. He looks around nervously, hoping no
one was around to hear. He purses his lips before plainly stating, “I don’t.”
“Bullshit.”
“How would you know?” He spits, “Yeah, we fucked around, but I’m done.”
Annie tilts her head, lifting her chin up as if to challenge him, “so what?
Just like that?”
Reiner slams his locker shut, then leans down so he’s closer to her, inches
from her face, “hey, he is the one who offered,” he drops his voice lower,
whispering angrily, “he said he’d help me if I was curious. I was curious. He
helped me. I’m not curious anymore. I got it out of my system. I’m not gay.”
The short blonde girl blinks blankly at him, “you’re not gay?”
“No,” he straightened himself up again, “It was just a dumb idea that I got out
of my system. I’m taking Krista to Jean’s part this weekend.”
Reiner had spoken to Krista earlier, she was always easy to talk to, and they
didn’t end their relationship on a bad note (just an awkward one,) but she was
kind enough to give him a second chance. And he actually believed that maybe he
could do it this time. He did like Krista, and he was actually starting to
convince himself that he had gotten it out of his system, this stupid crush he
had on Bertholdt. He had to move on. Annie could coddle Bertholdt all she
wanted but he was an adult capable of making his own decisions and sleep with
who ever he wanted. Reiner briefly wondered if she knew about Erwin, knew that
Bertholdt was experienced with sex, and that Reiner wasn’t taking advantage of
him. Bertholdt wasn’t looking for a relationship, he knew that, but Annie was
acting like he was tainting his innocence or something.
“So, you just used him as some kind of experiment? And that’s it? You’re going
to ignore him now? Just like before?”
Reiner lets out a deep breath through his nose, “no, we can still be friends. I
told him I still wanted to be friends.”
She rolls her eyes before turning to walk away, looking over her shoulder
briefly to say, “we both know that’s not true.”
Reiner couldn’t focus in his next class, or for the rest of the day for that
matter. Annie was right. He knew he wasn’t going to stay friends with Bertholdt
at this rate, and that it was just an empty promise like before. He didn’t know
what to do. He had fucked this up. It had been his entire fault from the very
beginning. If only he didn’t let his stupid feelings get in the way, Bertholdt
wouldn’t have felt the need to ‘help him out’ and then he wouldn’t have gotten
too attached, and then he wouldn’t have needed to push him away like this in
shame and embarrassment. But he couldn’t be friends with him again, not now,
not after he’d had him in that way and he only wanted more. Bertholdt had every
right to hate him for abandoning his friendship once again, but he couldn’t
handle being with him right now.
 
Annie was surprised when she heard, rather than saw, someone sit across from
her at the table in the library during her free period. She looked up from her
books to see Armin.
“Annie,” he leans in, looking at her very seriously, “I think I know why
Bertholdt wasn’t in trip today.”
She closes her book; straighten out her back and looking down at the boy across
from her, “oh?”
He nods, “Him and Reiner are together right? I know you know.”
Averting her eyes she hums a little, thinking how much she can trust this kid.
All three of them did have trig together, he was smart (obviously, although she
was surprised the whole school didn’t realize those two big idiots were
fucking) so she figured she might as well let him in on a little of the finer
details, “they aren’t, but only because they’re both blind. And stubborn.”
Armin looks down, and Annie thinks how he actually seems genuinely sad for a
moment, she finds it a little odd, but then he starts talking again, “I think
Reiner is in denial. I think he’s scared. He doesn’t know everyone else already
knows.”
She quirks her brow, so they did know? “Everyone knows?”
“Well,” Armin lets out a soft laugh, “just a few of us, but still. I hope he
would know we wouldn’t judge him for it…I was thinking…maybe it’s something
else?”
Annie shrugs, “who knows. I just want them to stop with all this childish
bullshit…it’s been giving me headaches.”
Armin smirks at that, “that’s why I was thinking…maybe we could work something
out.”
“What do you mean?” She asks, eyeing him incredulously.
“Jean’s having another party this weekend,” he explains, “if we could get
Bertholdt to come then maybe we could make something happen.”
She shakes her head, “Reiner told me he is going with Krista. Trying to un-gay
himself or some crap.”
“I know,” Armin leans forward, leaning heavily on his arms resting on the
table, “if we could make Bertholdt jealous, and then find someone for Bertholdt
to go with to make Reiner jealous, then maybe we could sort of get the ball
rolling?”
“Who could we get to make Reiner jealous?” Her mind travels back to that guy,
Erwin, but she knew that was out of the question simply because he was too old
to be at a high school party, and that would be illegal and inappropriate on so
many different levels, plus it would probably make everyone who wasn’t aware of
the situation incredibly uncomfortable.
Armin shrugs, “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t even have to go with
anyone. He just has to be there, and if we can find a way to get Reiner’s
attention on him then that would be all we needed. Plus, alcohol always helps.”
Annie snorts, “Why do you care so much?”
Armin pauses for a moment, thinking, as if it’s the first time he’s actually
thought about it, “Don’t you think it’s sad? They obviously care for each
other…”
“What’s sad is my increasing headache rate,” she smirks back at him, but
secretly finds it kind of endearing that Armin cares so much. She knows he and
Reiner are pretty close, and that he sort of knows Bertholdt through trig, but
otherwise he really had no reason to go out of his way like this.
Finally she sighs, “I’ll talk to Bertholdt, but I don’t know how easy it will
be to convince him to go.”
 
Annie goes to Bertholdt’s house after school. When he answers the door he looks
terrible. He hasn’t changed out of his pajamas, just wearing a baggy t-shirt
and sweatpants, his hair is pointed in all directions, and his eyes are red
rimmed and have black circles under them.
“You look lovely,” Annie deadpans, and Bertholdt immediately begins to shut the
door on her. She reaches a steady hand out to stop it, “hey, sorry, let me come
in.”
He doesn’t say anything but lets go of the door, turning and walking back into
his house and letting her follow. He goes into the kitchen and pours himself a
cup of orange juice, not looking at Annie at all or making any indication of
planning on speaking.
“So, uh,” fuck she was really bad at talking, “I guess things didn’t go well
last night?”
He glares at her over the rim of his cup, not saying anything.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
He hesitates, but then shakes his head slowly.
She clears her throat, “alright well, that’s ok. Just, listen to me alright?”
She pauses to give him a chance to speak but when he doesn’t she continues,
“Jean is having a party this weekend and we were invited and I think we should
go.”
“No,” he’s quick to answer, and she’s surprised to hear his groggy voice. Did
he just wake up?
She takes a deep breath, “come on, it’ll be fun.”
He snorts at that, and it’s almost creepy hearing it from the tall man looking
the way he does now, “that’s precious coming from you.”
“Alright,” she grumbles, “I know, parties suck and I usually wouldn’t condone
them, but…I think it’ll be good for you.”
Bertholdt puts down his glass and then rests his hands on the edge of the
counter, ducking his head, “I don’t want to see Reiner.”
“You wont have to,” she reassures him, “who cares if he’s there, just do your
own thing, have fun. You know, everyone else considers you their friend too…”
Bertholdt looks up at that, “who?”
Annie shrugs, “you know, Armin…Eren…all them.”
Bertholdt shuts his eyes, sighing, “you’re not going to let me say no are you?”
“No,” she chuckles.
“Fine.”
 
Annie and Bertholdt show up late to the party, mostly because Bertholdt kept
changing his mind, arguing with the short girl that, ‘please don’t make me do
this,’ ‘I don’t want to,’ and ‘oh god this is going to be awful.’
Annie was already regretting this. Bertholdt’s complaining combined with her
general hatred for parties was putting her in a bad state of mind, but she
pushed on, made sure Bertholdt went, and continued to reassure Armin that yes
they were coming when he kept texting her.
When they did finally show up the party was already in full force. Teenagers
everywhere, drunk, falling over each other, hooking up, laughing and talking
loudly over even louder music, trash and abandoned red plastic cups scattered.
But most of all there was Reiner, and Bertholdt had noticed him instantly,
being unable to ignore his booming voice and without thinking he couldn’t
control his gaze turning towards it, seeing the large blonde leaning against
the back wall of the living room, arm resting just above Krista’s head as he
stared down at her, laughing, cheeks tinted red with drunkenness, a matching
red cup in his hand. She had a hand over her mouth, laughing at whatever he was
saying, and her cheeks were slightly pink too, also holding a cup.
Bertholdt quickly looked away as he felt his heart drop. He knew it would be
hard to see Reiner, but seeing him with Krista like this, so soon, really
fucking hurt. Was that all he was? An experiment? So quickly he reverted back
to Krista. Did what happened between them really not matter that much? It was
his fault any way, he knew he shouldn’t have offered to help him with his
curiosity, he knew it would just make it harder for him to deal with his
feelings, but he didn’t realize it would hurt this bad. Had he seriously
freaked Reiner out that much? Maybe he wasn’t really gay to begin with.
Bertholdt didn’t know, but he was torn from his thoughts as Annie tugged on his
arm, pulling him past the living room and into the kitchen, meeting Armin and
Eren, and the short blonde boy immediately shoved a drink into Bertholdt’s
hand.
Bertholdt looked at it for a moment before thinking ‘fuck it,’ and throwing it
back in one gulp.
Reiner almost missed Bertholdt when he entered. He didn’t see him until he
noticed the tall boy being pulled past him into the kitchen. Briefly he paused,
watching, before shaking his head and turning back to Krista, smiling a forced
smile, and leaning heavily on the wall. He was pretty drunk by now, figuring
that if he was drunk enough maybe something could happen between them. Of
course there was dealing with Ymir, Krista’s overly protective friend, but he
figured he could find a way for him and Krista to sneak off for some alone
time. And he was desperate to do this. He needed to, for himself. He did feel a
little guilty, using Krista like this, but she was the only girl he trusted and
felt comfortable with enough to get that close with right now, especially if
something went wrong like last time. He was sure it wouldn’t though. This had
to work. Bertholdt was a phase and he had to get over it.
“Jean,” Armin and Annie had pulled with other boy aside. An hour had passed and
Bertholdt was pretty tipsy, loosing a little bit of his insecurities as he
talked with Marco and Eren.
“We need you to do us a favor,” Armin says, and Jean sips on his drink, eyeing
both of the blondes in front of him suspiciously.
“What?”
“We need you to flirt with Bertholdt.”
Jean practically chokes on his drink at Armin’s words, gaping at them with wide
eyes, “huh!? What the hell? Why?!”
“We want to make Reiner jealous,” he explains.
“Ew fuck no, why should I care? And why me?!”
“Because you’re an asshole and it will make Reiner angry,” Annie states flatly.
“I’m not an asshole,” Jean scoffs.
Armin shrugs, “you have made some rude comments about Reiner’s sexuality…and
you did make fun of Bertholdt a few times.”
Jean nervously looks between the two of them, noticing Annie tense when Armin
calls him out for teasing Bertholdt. He holds his hands up in defense, “Hey,
hey, I’m only messing around. Not my fault everyone takes everything so
seriously.”
“We know,” Armin assures him, “just do this for us ok?”
Jean rubs the back of his neck, groaning, “Fuck, I can’t even get myself
laid…why should I help Reiner out?”
Annie rolls her eyes and before any of them know what’s happening she grabs
Jean by his collar, pulling him down and roughly kissing him. He lets out a
terribly embarrassing squeak as she pushes him away.
“Do it, and maybe I’ll help you out,” she spits.
He stares at her in shock, and so does Armin. Jean has to take a moment to
compose himself. He clears his throat, “alright, fine, what do I do?”
He agrees, mostly just because he’s afraid of Annie, he wasn’t really
interested in her, although he would admit that she was good looking. It was
hard to tell under her baggy hoodies she always wore but he had her in gym
class last semester and she looked good in shorts and a t-shirt. Plus, it
didn’t look like he was getting anywhere with Mikasa. He was still terrified of
her though.
“What do you mean what do you do? Just go flirt with him,” Annie says, starting
to get impatient.
“I don’t know how to flirt with a guy!” Jean shoots back.
“Whatever, it doesn’t have to be real,” Armin interrupts, “just act friendly,
touch his arm or something. Smile a lot. You know, act like he’s a girl.”
“He’s fucking huge it’s kinda hard to picture him as a girl.”
“Just go!” Annie shoves him in the right direction, and Jean looks back weakly
at the pair of blondes before heading over to Bertholdt, tapping him on the
shoulder so he turns away from Eren and Marco and faces him instead.
Armin waves Marco and Eren over to him and Annie, so it looks like Bertholdt
and Jean are more alone, and they get the hint quickly. Eren can’t help but
give Jean a big grin, snickering quietly at his predicament.
“So,” Armin speaks nervously to the girl beside him before the other two boys
reach them, “um, you like Jean?”
“Fuck no,” Annie answers quickly, and then sighs, “just dealing with this whole
mess is really getting on my nerves, and having Bertholdt constantly
complaining to me about his sexual prowess isn’t helping.”
She throws her drink back and Armin blushes at the comment as he watches her.
“I’m so desperate I’d bang a horse.”
Chapter End Notes
     Am I the first person to write AnniexJean? Omg I'm just kidding but
     like I think Annie deserves some action, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHO TO PAIR
     HER WITH?! I only really ship her with Bert and/or Reiner and since
     that's out of the question in this situation I didn't know what to
     do. I was thinking Eren at first cause if I had to pick I'd ship them
     together, but then I was thinking Armin since they're planning this
     thing together (and i know some people ship them?) but then the Jean
     thing happened and I have no excuse or reason for that so I have no
     idea. I'm sorry. Also sorry about the horse joke...god that's getting
     old isn't it?
     ANYWAY, thank you so much to everyone commenting and leaving kudos! I
     love you all! Let me know what you think!<3
***** Chapter 12 *****
Chapter Summary
     The Party Part 2
Chapter Notes
     Told you guys I'd get the second part up asap. Do you love me or do
     you love me? (i'm kidding /shot)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Bertholdt is surprised when he turns around to see Jean standing there asking
for his attention. He’s a little drunk by now, drunker than he’s ever been,
drunker than when he was drinking that wine with Erwin, and he smiles down at
the other boy.
“Hey, uh,” Jean struggles to find his words, not sure how exactly to approach
this. He briefly glances back at Armin and Annie, who are watching him like a
hawk, before continuing, “Bertholdt, uh, you’re uh, pretty tall huh?”
He curses to himself, not even sure what the hell he’s saying, but Bertholdt’s
smile gets a little bigger, and Jean thinks how it’s the biggest he’s ever seen
the other boy smile.
“Yeah, I guess I’m tall for my age,” he says. If he wasn’t so drunk he’d think
Jean was making fun of him, but since he was drunk, he just thinks Jean is
striking up friendly conversation. Annie did say these people considered him to
be their friend right?
“Yeah, ha,” Jean forces a laugh, and then he reaches out a hand, lightly
gripping one of Bertholdt’s arms and squeezing, “you’re pretty skinny though.
What do you eat to get so tall and stay so lean?”
Jean is really panicking on the inside, raking his brain for things to say. He
has to make him laugh. Armin said make him laugh. What the hell could he say to
make Bertholdt laugh? He didn’t know anything about Bertholdt.
Bertholdt shrugs, swaying slightly, unaffected by the hand on his arm, “I’m not
that skinny,” he grumbles.
Shit, Jean thinks, he didn’t want to offend him, he scrambles to think of
something else to say to get him smiling again, “yeah you got some muscle on
you right?”
Fuck what was he doing? His hand travels further up his arm, to his bicep,
feeling his muscle.
Bertholdt notices the touch now, and he looks at Jean with a big question mark
on his face, “Jean?”
Jean pulls his hand away, “S-sorry! Just, uh, I’ve seen you on the track field
and I kind of admire you, you know?”
Smooth, Jean tells himself as he notices Bertholdt blushing. He continues, “I
mean, I’m kinda skinny, for a football player. You’ve got a nice in-between,
you know you could play football if you wanted.”
Bertholdt rubs the back of his neck, “I don’t think football is really for me…”
“Wha? Why not?” Jean puts on a playful voice, feeling encouraged by the blush
on Bertholdt’s face. He sees Armin in the corner of his eye watching him,
smiling. Jean teasingly shoves Bertholdt with his arm against his chest;
jokingly jostling the other boy, “don’t think you could handle getting pushed
around a bit?”
Fuck, alright, this was almost too easy, Jean thinks to himself. Bertholdt
blushes even more and he lets out a little laugh, “it’s not that…”
“Oh?” Jean wiggles his eyebrows, “so you think you could handle getting knocked
around by guys like me huh?” He nudges him with an elbow.
Bertholdt laughs again, and even with the alcohol fueling his voice he still
speaks sheepishly, “no offence Jean but I think I could knock you down easy.”
Jean’s eyes widen at that, and he’s actually a little offended, he scoffs, “oh
really? You’re forgetting that I’m the one who plays football and I can knock
down guys Reiner’s size!”
Bertholdt laughs even louder, and by now Jean knows Reiner has to definitely be
paying attention. Bertholdt puts a hand on Jean’s shoulder, “yeah, I can knock
down guys Reiner’s size too.”
Jean practically chokes at that, surprised to hear the innuendo in the quiet
boy’s voice. Damn, Bertholdt really was different when he was drunk. He looks
over to Armin, who is looking at Reiner, who is looking at Jean with the
evilest glint in his eyes he has ever seen. Jean gulps, turning back to
Bertholdt and laughing nervously, “o-oh yeah? I guess, I guess uh maybe we’ll
have to have a contest on the field some day?”
He keeps up the charade even though he’s terrified of the bulking blonde in the
corner, but Bertholdt seems to be acting fairly causal, like he doesn’t realize
Jean is flirting, or trying to flirt, with him. It works to his advantage
because Bertholdt is just laughing and talking openly, and that added with
Jean’s occasional touch to his arm or chest is enough to look like real
flirting.
Reiner is trying to listen to Krista. He’s trying really fucking hard. But in
the corner of his eye he can see Bertholdt standing in the entry way of the
kitchen, Jean standing next to him, and Jean is laughing with him and Bertholdt
is laughing back and Jean is touching him and why the fuck was Jean touching
him and why was Bertholdt ok with it and why was he touching him back and was
he blushing?
He sees Jean playfully lean his body against Bertholdt’s, nudging him, and he
squeezes the cup in his hand a little tighter. What the fuck was Jean doing?
Was he making fun of him? He couldn’t tell. It looked like he was being
friendly but that wasn’t like Jean to be friendly. For one he was an asshole,
especially to Bertholdt who he had made fun of before, and for two he wasn’t
gay, so he definitely wasn’t flirting, even though Bertholdt had a deep flush
on his cheeks. Was this some kind of sick joke?
“Reiner?” Reiner is pulled from his thoughts by Krista’s soft voice. He looks
down at her. “Did you hear me?”
“Ah, sorry Krista,” he mumbles, “um, I actually have to go check something out,
I’ll be right back.”
Reiner pushes himself off the wall and walks as steadily as he can over to
Bertholdt and Jean.
“Hey,” he puts a hand on Jean’s shoulder, and Jean jumps, having not noticed
the other boy walking over to him.
“Hey,” he says back, trying to act cool, trying to ignore the fact that Reiner
could easily beat him to a pulp, “what’s up, man?”
“What are you two talking about?” Reiner asks, looking past Jean’s head to
Bertholdt. Bertholdt simply shrugs.
If Bertholdt wasn’t so drunk he’d be more uneasy in the presence of Reiner
after what happened, but he’s drunk and he doesn’t care, so he shrugs his
shoulders nonchalantly, looking away, like he couldn’t even care less about
Reiner.
Jean notices Bertholdt isn’t going to say something, so he forces himself to
answer. He clears his throat, “me and Bertl here are just talking about getting
him on the football field…don’t you think he’d be good at football?”
Jean tries to sound as causal as possible, even though the hand on his shoulder
hasn’t left it’s starting to make him nervous.
“No,” Reiner says flatly, feeling uncomfortable with Jean’s using his nickname
for Bertholdt.
That get’s Bertholdt’s attention, and he snaps his head in Reiner’s direction,
“why not? I think I could be pretty good at it.”
Jean is looking in between the two of them anxiously.
“It’s not like track,” Reiner says, “speed isn’t enough to be good at it.”
Jean forces a laugh, sensing an opportunity, “what Reiner? You don’t think his
long legs would be enough to keep him safe from getting tackled by a bunch of
us?”
It feels gross coming out of his mouth but he sees it has an effect on Reiner,
who snarls, and at the mention of Bertholdt’s legs he looks down, scanning his
eyes over him. He’s even more surprised when he sees Bertholdt playing along.
“Reiner is just worried I’d tackle him in front of everyone and embarrass him.”
“Woah!” Jean steps away, removing himself from under Reiner’s hand. He jokes,
“hey Reiner, you gonna take that from him? Shots have been fired!” He nudges
Bertholdt playfully; “hey if you really can toss a big guy like him around
you’ll have to teach me. Reiner always kicks my ass at practice.”
A brief look of anger flashes over Reiner’s face, but then he smiles, “Bertl is
all talk. I’ve been beating him in every contest since we were kids…climbing
trees, bike races, you name it.”
Jean scrunches his face in confusion, “wait…since you were kids?”
But by now Jean has been forgotten, and Bertholdt and Reiner are only looking
at each other.
Bertholdt glares at Reiner, and smirks, albeit a little shyly, “well, you
haven’t beaten me in everything.”
Reiner practically growls at that, and Jean is looking between them confused,
not sure what either of them are talking about anymore, but he looks past them
to Armin and Annie in the kitchen, and Armin is throwing him a thumbs up.
“Can I talk to you Bertholdt,” Reiner says, rather than asks, between clenched
teeth.
Bertholdt shrugs, and Reiner brushes past Jean and grabs Bertholdt by the arm,
leading him past the kitchen, down a hall to the right, and into the laundry
room where he closes the door behind them and locks it, closing them off from
the noise of the party.
Jean rushes back over to Armin and Annie.
“Holy shit, that was fucking awkward,” he groans, “don’t ever make me get
between those two again.”
“You did good,” Armin tells him excitedly, “it worked!”
“At what cost Armin?” Jean bellows dramatically, “I’m scarred for life.”
Annie rolls her eyes, “get over yourself. Be happy you don’t need to hear the
details Bertholdt tells me.”
Jean cringes, “oh god, ew.”
He makes himself another drink, but can’t help eyeing Annie, who is casually
sitting on the counter, and he wonders just how serious she was earlier. Annie
is looking down the hall, even though she can’t see the door to the laundry
room, as if waiting for some kind of sign.
“That’s good right?” Armin asks her, leaning on the counter beside her legs,
he’s looking up at her with wide eyes and a smile, “the plan worked don’t you
think?
She shrugs, raising her cup to her lips and swinging her legs, keeping her eyes
down the hall, “they’re either killing each other or fucking each other.”
 
“What was that?” Reiner asks once the door is shut.
“What?” Bertholdt asks back, forging innocence.
“That comment,” Reiner clarifies, stepping closer to Bertholdt who had taken to
leaning against the washer machine, holding his plastic red cup up to is mouth,
almost like a barrier between the two of them, “you said I didn’t beat you in
everything.”
Bertholdt just shrugs, averting his eyes, even in his drunkenness not being
bold enough to look at Reiner directly while insulting him, “I think you know.”
He mumbles it, just barely enough so he can hear, but it’s enough and Reiner
steps a little closer, “so you’re bragging now?”
Bertholdt shakes his head, but Reiner continues as if he hadn’t.
“That’s real funny you know,” he let’s out a laugh, but it’s mean, “considering
ever since we were kids you always hid behind me.”
Bertholdt glares up at him over the rim of his cup. Reiner’s face is flushed
and he can’t tell if it’s because he’s drunk or if it’s because he’s angry.
“Even now,” he keeps talking, “you wouldn’t be at the party making friends,
talking to fucking Jean, if it wasn’t for me. You think Annie would had dragged
you here otherwise?”
“Fuck you Reiner,” Bertholdt spits, and Reiner actually physically flinches
back, surprised by his words. Bertholdt puts his cup down on the washer
machine, bracing his hands on the edge as he leans his upper body forward
slightly, almost like he’s holding himself back, “my whole life doesn’t revolve
around you.”
Reiner blinks for a moment, his face relaxed with shock, but then it scrunches
up again in frustration. It makes him angry, because he knows it’s true, and he
knows he’s selfish and Bertholdt is just nice and he took advantage of that,
but he can’t help himself from spitting out, “well, you could have fooled me.”
Bertholdt’s eyes narrow at him, “I don’t need you Reiner. You aren’t the only
person in my life,” it hurts to say, but he has a sudden burst of fire in his
chest, realizing that it’s true. He has Annie, and even though Annie gets
frustrated with him she puts up with him, and she is his friend. He makes a
mental note to tell her how much he cares about her later, but right now he is
focused on Reiner. Reiner who lead him on, even though he was stupid enough to
fall for it, Reiner, who just used him as an experiment, and he let him, and
Reiner, who despite it all he still liked him and still ached for him.
He grips the edge of the cold hard metal tighter, “I could call up Erwin right
now and he’d be happy to take me back,” his breath hitches a little, and he
blames his drunkenness, “he said he’d be lucky to have someone like me.”
Reiner doesn’t realize the intensity of his words at the moment, that Bertholdt
turned down Erwin for him, all he hears is that Bertholdt could easily move on,
that Reiner doesn’t matter, and it makes him mad, and suddenly he has to prove
himself to the other boy. Reiner lunges forward, gripping Bertholdt by his
face, a little more roughly than he intended, and smashing his lips on his.
Bertholdt is surprised for a moment, gasping, and Reiner takes advantage to
deepen the kiss, correcting himself from its original sloppiness, moving over
Bertholdt’s lips less clumsily but still not as gracefully as it would be if he
wasn’t so drunk.
Bertholdt moves his hands to Reiner’s shoulders, bringing them up to the back
of his neck and hair, forcefully tugging at him and returning the rough kiss.
Reiner is panting into his mouth, breaking away slightly only to mumble, “don’t
you dare. Don’t you fucking dare do that.”
Bertholdt doesn’t stop kissing him, but between locking lips and tiny nips and
swiping tongues he argues back, “Why shouldn’t I?”
“’Cause,” Reiner has his body flushed fully against his now, pinning him to the
cold edge of the washer machine. He moves his lips down to Bertholdt’s neck,
roughly peppering kisses and bites along the curve of flesh there, “you still
have a lot to teach me.”
Bertholdt gasps at a particularly rough bite, and rocks his hips forward. He
can’t help a tiny smile passing over his lips at Reiner’s angry tone shifting
to a teasing one.
“W-why should I help you?” He teases back, the alcohol fueling his voice.
Reiner moves his hands to his hips, grinding himself back against them as he
continues to assault Bertholdt’s neck, sucking at the junction between his neck
and shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbles over the wet skin, making Bertholdt shudder, “I thought
I’d gotten it out of my system but I still need you.”
His hands snake up from his hips under his shirt, roughly kneading at the toned
skin of his stomach and heading upwards, taking the fabric with him, “be my
tutor a little longer,” he continues to speak in a husky voice over Bertholdt’s
goose bump covered skin, “I can be better than Erwin, I promise.”
Bertholdt lets his head roll back, letting out a low moan as Reiner sucks on
his collar bones and his hands massage his chest, thumbs rubbing rough circles
over his nipples, “f-fuck, o-ok.”
At that Reiner pulls away to tug off Bertholdt’s shirt, and with a low grunt he
moves back to his skin, kissing and biting down his chest and stomach.
Bertholdt laces his fingers through his hair, mind foggy from the alcohol and
the assault of feelings on his body. He rolls hips forward, even though there’s
nothing there to make contact with anymore.
Reiner falls to his knees; tongue flicking into Bertholdt’s belly button and
Bertholdt grips his hair tighter, letting out a little breathy laugh at the
ticking sensation. Reiner’s done this to girls before but it’s weird with hair
there now, but it’s nice, and he follows the trail down to the waistband of
Bertholdt’s pants, sucking at the loose flesh there before tugging his belt off
and undoing the fly.
It’s all happening really quickly. Bertholdt can barely register that Reiner is
taking his very hard member out of his boxers and running a thick tongue along
the underside of it before putting it in his mouth. He gasps, thrusting his
hips forward without thinking, and Reiner gags.
“S-sorry,” Bertholdt stutters, struggling to form words. His body is so
sensitive under the influence, and he’s a sputtering mess under Reiner’s
inexperienced and sloppy movements. He’s lapping at his cock, making obscene
noises, and using the spit to jerk to him swiftly, twisting his wrist and
circling his thumb over the head, “fuck, R-Reiner.”
His pants are pushed passed his thighs and Reiner brings up another hand to
massage at Bertholdt balls, like he had done to him before. The alcohol was
making him more confident in touching him, not caring about looking stupid for
being naïve and the noises Bertholdt was making were only encouraging him.
He’s roughly palming at Bertholdt’s sack, kneading the sensitive skin there
between his fingers while he sucks on the head of his cock and strokes the part
he can’t fit in his mouth with his other hand. Bertholdt rocks his hips into
the motions, and Reiner moves in time with them. He moves his hands,
Bertholdt’s cock flinging upwards towards his stomach now that Reiner wasn’t
holding it forward, and he straightens himself upward to lick along it
sloppily, while moving his hands to his hips and then to his back side,
kneading the flesh of his bare ass.
Bertholdt whimpers, biting his lip, enjoying the feeling of having his ass
spread. He has one hand gripping the edge of the washer machine and another is
still in Reiner’s short hair, running through the closely cut strains and
tugging on what he could.
“R-Reiner,” he whines, pulling his head back, and Reiner looks up at him,
licking his lips.
Bertholdt turns around, resting his elbows on the cold metal of the washer and
sticking his ass out in a silent invitation.
Reiner stares in awe of the sight in front of him, not sure what to do but just
enjoying the view for a moment, before returning his hands to his cheeks and
massaging them, spreading them like before, and watching Bertholdt’s hole
twitch.
“Fuck,” he breathes, having never seen anything like it before. Bertholdt has a
hand stretched under him, stroking his own cock, reaching up to grab at his
balls that are hanging in Reiner’s face as he stares in uncertainty.
“Reiner,” Bertholdt complains after a moment, “please.”
Reiner doesn’t know what to do, last time they did this Bertholdt started
himself, and they had lube. He looks around the laundry room in his foggy mind,
searching for something. There’s a pantry behind him and he opens it, searching
until he finds something that looks like lotion, but he can’t really read the
label, and he’s too excited to anyway. He quickly turns back to Bertholdt, who
is, consciously or unconsciously (Reiner can’t tell,) wiggling his ass in the
most delicious way possible, waiting in anticipation.
Reiner pours some of the lotion onto his fingers, and he brings them up to
Bertholdt’s entrance, using his other hand to spread open his cheeks. He slides
a finger over the outside first, causing Bertholdt to whimper, and then he
shoves a finger in, making him groan. He slows down, even though his heart is
racing, and slowly fucks him with one finger until Bertholdt’s breath starts to
quicken.
“R-Reiner, more,” he pants.
Reiner adds another finger, remembering to do what he did before, twisting and
curling his fingers, waiting for Bertholdt to respond in a similar fashion and
rock his hips back onto them.
“F-Fuck,” Bertholdt whines, pushing his ass back as he did. It was so hot in
the tiny room. So hot he felt like he was on fire. Reiner’s fingers in his ass
were providing a burning sensation in the best way possible, but still not
being enough. His mind is fuzzy and he pushes back against the intrusion. His
face is in his arms, and he’s pulling at his own hair in frustration. He
doesn’t care about anything else because it feels good and it’s Reiner and it’s
mindless and he’s filled with lust and it’s Reiner and he just needs him,
“Reiner, fuck me.”
“Fuck,” Reiner moans, having never heard anything hotter in his entire life. He
doesn’t even think before he’s on his feet, standing behind the other boy and
pouring more of the lotion onto his hand and slicking up his cock. He pauses,
licking his lips as he places himself at Bertholdt’s entrance.
Bertholdt pushes back, “just do it.”
Reiner doesn’t need to be told twice, he pushes in, and Bertholdt let’s out a
loud yell, cutting it short only by biting on his own hand.
The yell brings Reiner back to reality, and he stops, listening worriedly to
Bertholdt whimpering over his hand. He waits for him to give him the go ahead
to continue.
“M-move,” Bertholdt struggles out. It hurts. It’s been a long time and it’s
obvious with how painful it is, but he knows once Reiner starts moving it will
feel better. The faster he gets to moving the faster the pain will shift to
pleasure, at least that’s how it was with Erwin.
Reiner complies, beginning to slowly thrust in and out of him. He had one hand
gripping him tightly by the hip and another on his shoulder. Bertholdt’s skin
is sweaty and sticking to the metal surface of the washer machine but he
doesn’t care because Reiner is getting more confident with his thrusts and he’s
rocking his hips back to meet him and it feels so good to finally have him like
this, even if they’re drunk in Jean’s laundry room.
Reiner is grunting loudly above him. It’s so tight, so unbelievably tight and
hot and good. It’s better than anything Reiner has ever felt before and he
thrusts into him faster, gripping him harder, and he leans down so his chest is
flush with Bertholdt’s back. The angle change makes it so his cock is thrusting
into him downwards, more in the direction of Bertholdt’s stomach, hitting his
sweet spot, and Bertholdt gasps loudly.
“F-fuck, Reiner, t-there!”
“Yeah?” Reiner pants back, and fucks him harder, keeping the same angle,
listening to Bertholdt’s breath hitch every time he hits it. He loves the sound
of his voice, the feel of him around him, everything about him. He can’t
believe this is even happening but it just is and in that moment that’s all
that matters. That and making Bertholdt feel good. Bertholdt is clenching
around him and it’s too tight, so much that it almost hurts, and Bertholdt is
stroking himself and when he cums it’s too much and it pushes Reiner out and
he’s cumming after him, stroking himself to completion and cumming on
Bertholdt’s ass and back.
Bertholdt’s legs are shaking, and slowly they fold under him, and he falls,
resting his forehead against the cold metal on the washer. Reiner falls down
behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head on his
shoulder as they both breathe heavily and try to compose themselves. Every
thing still is fuzzy in Bertholdt’s mind, and he feels himself being pulled
down to the ground, Reiner at his back as he is laid on his side, and he falls
asleep.
Chapter End Notes
     Ok, big chapter here. They did it. Wooo *throws confetti* hope you
     liked it! Too bad it wasn't all rose pedals and candles but hey this
     is high school we're dealing with here...
     Anyway, thanks to everyone leaving me comments and kudos, and special
     thanks to those sending love on tumblr, i love you all<3
***** Chapter 13 *****
Chapter Summary
     Reiner's house is bad luck.
Chapter Notes
     Sorry this chapter is kinda short. I'll try and update quickly though
     I promise!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Bertholdt woke up on Jean’s laundry room floor, cold and curled into a ball,
with his head awkwardly angled against the side of the wisher machine, and with
an incredible headache. He sat up, his head throbbing along with the rest of
his body, particularly his legs, thighs, and ass. Groaning he rubbed the palms
of his hands into his eyes, trying to wipe the sleep from them.
He knows he’s alone, he doesn’t have to look around to see it, he can feel it,
in the coldness of the room and the chill that runs down his spine. At least
his pants are on all the way, he thinks absentmindedly to himself as he pulls
his knees up to his chest, resting his head on them, taking a moment to compose
himself.
Biting his lip he wills the tears forming in his eyes not to spill. Had he
really expected anything to be different? He knew he didn’t, even when he was
doing it, but the alcohol and the lust had fogged his mind and he did it anyway
and now he was just left with a hazy memory and a burning sensation tingling
throughout his body.
He feels sick when he remembers more of the details. How he had so willing
opened himself up to Reiner, and begged for it, like it was all he needed to
survive. He felt pathetic, like a slut, getting drunk and fucked at some party,
left on the floor, by some guy who didn’t even care about him. Reiner said he
needed him, but he was gone.
There’s a click as the laundry room door is opened, and he lifts his head,
sniffing, trying to look normal, as Annie walks in, looking a mess herself.
“Hey,” she says softly, coming over to him and crouching down next to him.
Bertholdt looks away, because he knows Annie knows and it makes his stomach
turn more, because it’s so obvious how stupid he is and how alone he is, curled
up on the floor.
“Hey,” she says again.
“Why’d you let me do that?” He spits between gritted teeth, brows furrowed in
frustration, his head pounding harder along with his heart.
“What?” She seems taken aback by his question.
He drops his head, still not looking at her, “you knew. Why’d you let me do
that?”
“Bertholdt,” she starts, putting a hand on his shoulder, “I thought –”
His face scrunches up as he tries once again not to cry, “weren’t you watching?
Why’d you let him leave me again?”
She removes her hand, “Bertholdt I didn’t know he’d leave.”
He rubs his hands over his face, “you didn’t see him leave at all? You didn’t
say anything?”
She stands, and Bertholdt is face to face with her knees.
“You know I could have told Reiner how you felt about him, but I didn’t because
I wanted you to figure it out yourself. Don’t get mad at me because you’re
being stupid, ” she says coldly, “I can’t babysit you forever. You and Reiner
can sort this out. I tried to help you. I don’t care anymore.”
She huffs and turns to walk away, but then stops before leaving, “You aren’t
the only one who made a mistake last night Bertholdt.”
Bertholdt rests his head back in his knees when he hears the door slam shut. He
can’t tell if it’s from the alcohol but there’s a bad taste in his mouth, and
he feels like he’s going to puke. Annie was right, of course, as always, he
just kept fucking up, and now he went and made her mad too even though he had
no right to.
Annie leaves him, going out into the hall and running into Jean, “you’re going
to have a big crying baby in there for a little while. I’d stick around to help
you deal with him but I have to go.”
She speaks flatly and Jean just scratches at the back of his neck, “yeah, uh
it’s cool, no worries. I’ll, uh, let him take his time I guess.”
“Right,” she moves to leave but his voice calls her back.
“Hey, uh,” he’s blushing, averting his eyes, “about last night…”
“Don’t,” she cuts him off, “don’t worry about it.”
 
Reiner woke up tangled in limbs and pant legs, his own pants opened and resting
low on his ass. He sat up, detangling himself from the tall lanky boy lying on
the floor next to him. Suddenly the memories of last night are flooding through
his mind, and he curses under his breath. What was he thinking? He runs a hand
over his face and then over his chest, feeling his heart beating fast in time
with the throb in his temple. He and Bertholdt had done it last night. They had
sex. Just thinking it felt so foreign and strange to him. He looked at the boy
lying next to him, sprawled out on his side, breathing heavily in his sleep,
but looking peaceful, although his pants were past his thighs. He secretly
blesses himself for locking the door before.
“Fuck,” he sighs. This was bad. This was so bad. He shouldn’t have done that.
Bertholdt was drunk and he was drunk and they fucked in Jean’s fucking laundry
room with practically the whole class just on the other side of the door. He
began to panic. What if anyone had heard? What if everyone heard? What if
everyone knew? He just left Krista too. Fuck, he fucked up. There was no way
that wasn’t suspicious.
Quickly he composes himself, scrambling to get out of the room, out of the
house, before anyone else is awake, even though he doesn’t know how early it
is. He is about to leave when he takes one last look at Bertholdt, a wave of
regret washing over him. He felt sick. He didn’t regret having sex with
Bertholdt. He regretted doing it drunk and Jean’s house, but he didn’t regret
actually doing it. It was great, it was incredible, but now he was worried.
Worried about how Bertholdt felt and worried about if they had been caught. He
takes a moments to carefully clean Bertholdt up, tugging his pants up, and
brushing his sweating hair from his face, before leaving, mumbling a soft
‘sorry’ under his breath.
When he leaves the room he collides with a scruffy looking Jean, who was
yawing, eyes closed, and scratching at his bed head.
“Shit, Jean,” he hisses, and Jean opens his eyes lazily.
“Oh, dude, you’re up,” his eyes fall back to the door of the laundry room, and
Reiner already knows what he’s thinking.
He shoves him forward, pinning him against the wall with a snarl, and Jean lets
out a puff of breath, having the wind knocked out from him.
“Tell anyone and I’ll kick your ass. Ok?”
“Fuck,” Jean tries to catch his breath, “yeah, yeah, ok. Jesus.”
Reiner quickly pulls away and rushes to leave the house. Jean stares at him,
flinching at the door slamming, and then heads up the steps to his room.
“Hey,” he shakes the body lying on his bed and tangled in his sheets, “Annie,
wake up, I think something just happened.”
The blonde girl stirs in her sleep, rolling over and rubbing at her eyes to
look up at Jean, “wha?”
“Reiner just ran outta the house,” he tells her, trying not to stare as she
sits up, wearing only her bra, and pulls her baggy hoodie over her head, “he
saw me and threatened to kick my ass if I told anyone about what happened with
him and Bertholdt last night.”
She sighs, getting up and sliding her jeans on, while Jean still tries
desperately not to watch, “I’ll go talk to him.”
 
Bertholdt didn’t wait too long before leaving the house himself. He briefly ran
into Jean, who was cleaning in the kitchen, moving sluggishly. He paused to
look at him, silently pleading with his eyes.
Jean waved a hand at him, “don’t worry about it Bertholdt.”
Bertholdt nodded in thanks, and he wanted to also say sorry for the mess of the
party in general and sorry that he couldn’t stick around to help clean, as he
had noticed no one else had either, although there were a few people still
passed out in the living room, but he just mumbled a ‘bye’ and left.
When he got home he took a long shower. It was the weekend, and his mom was
home. She asked were he was last night but he just told her he had been at
Annie’s, working on a school project. He spoke to her quickly, praying that she
didn’t notice how sloppy he looked or smell alcohol on him, or even worse, sex.
He scrubbed at his skin hard, roughly kneading his skin in hopes that it would
help take the ache away, but obviously it couldn’t. His skin was red from the
hot water and rough scrubbing by the time he was finished.
Wrapping a towel around his waist he went to his room, planning on throwing on
a simple pair of sweat pants and just collapsing into bed, when he saw his
phone light up.
3 new messages. All from Reiner. He gulped, shutting his eyes and sighing,
before opening them to read them.
‘Hey, sorry I had to split,’ and then, ‘We should talk later,’ and then
finally, ‘Keep this between us ok?’
He stared at the last message for a while, unsure how to respond. His heart was
beating fast once again. He was glad to at least hear from the other boy, but
it seemed almost bitter sweet. Yes, he acknowledged him, he wanted to talk
again, but something about the texts didn’t seem right. Like Reiner was second
guessing himself after each one was sent.
Biting his lip he took a moment to respond, ‘Yeah, of course. When do you want
to talk?’
Putting his phone down he then got dressed, using the towel to dry his hair
before tossing it to the floor and flopping down on his bed. It didn’t take
long for his phone to buzz.
‘Come over my house tomorrow morning? I have chores so I can’t leave but we can
talk real quick.’
Bertholdt gulps, talk real quick didn’t sound that nice to him, and he had a
bad feeling, but he replied, ‘Ok, see you tomorrow morning,’ anyway.
 
The next morning Bertholdt was feeling incredibly anxious. He had attempted to
call Annie, but she didn’t answer, and it wasn’t helping his nerves. At 9am he
walked over to Reiner’s house, simply telling his mom that he was going for a
walk.
When he walked up to Reiner’s house the older boy was already outside, mowing
the lawn. He stopped when he saw Bertholdt, wiping an arm across his brow to
wipe away some sweat that had gathered there. It was October, but it was still
warm out, and working under the sun on the lawn was making him hot, despite
only wearing a white t-shirt and sweat pants.
“Hey, Bertl,” he says, once stopping the lawn mower. Bertholdt walks over to
him and waves half-heartedly. Reiner looks around, before jerking his head in
the direction of his house and leading him inside.
Reiner had done a lot of thinking the night before. He wasn’t entirely sure
what he wanted to say to Bertholdt when he asked him to come over but he just
knew that he had to talk to him. He cared about him, so he didn’t want to avoid
him, and he really didn’t want to abandon their friendship like how Annie had
accused him of doing earlier.
“My folks are at church,” Reiner tells Bertholdt as they walk into his house.
He leads them into the kitchen so Reiner can grab a drink of water. He holds a
cup out to Bertholdt, silently asking if he wants a drink, but the other boy
shakes his head no.
They stand in silence for a few moments while Reiner gulps down some water.
Finally, he speaks, “listen, uh, I think we should talk about what happened…”
Bertholdt just nods, not trusting his voice.
Reiner chews at his lip, trying to find the best way to voice his thoughts,
“you’re a really good friend Bertholdt,” is what he decides to land on.
Bertholdt nods again, humming quietly.
Reiner takes a deep breath before continuing, “I, uh, I really appreciate
everything, really, I know you, uh, didn’t have to.”
He’s referring to Bertholdt ‘helping him out with his curiosity’ and Bertholdt
knows it but for some reason it makes him feel sick all over again. He feels
cheap and dirty, just like how he felt after he ended the illegal relationship
with Erwin back when he was only 15. A sense of déjà vu washes over him.
Reiner steps a little closer to him, putting his drink down on the counter, “I
just, uh, I’m worried about it getting in the way of our friendship.”
Bertholdt can’t look at him, he stares at the tacky wallpaper lining his
kitchen, pink flowers intertwine together in a ring of gross fluffy cheesy home
décor bullshit you’d find a magazine.
“So, I think it’d be a good idea to, you know, keep it a secret,” Reiner
continues.
Bertholdt furrows his brow, knowing that they already were keeping it a secret.
“At the party,” Reiner keeps talking after seeing the look of confusion on his
face, “that was a close call. Everyone could have found out.”
Bertholdt once again just sticks to nodding.
Reiner had thought a lot about what he wanted to say. About how he didn’t want
anyone else to know, about how he still wanted to be friends, but he knew that
he still felt a desire for him, and that he wasn’t sure if he could keep it in
check, and it scared him. It worried him thinking about how he felt himself
falling helplessly for him, and it worried him thinking about how it would be
harder and harder to hide, not only to himself, but also to everyone else. So,
he wanted to find a way to desperately make it work.
He clears his throat, “I mean, I, uh, I like – doing that – with you, but I
don’t want any, uh, personal feelings to get in the way. Like at the party, you
know?”
Bertholdt hums, getting the hint. So Reiner didn’t mind fucking him but he
wanted to keep it a secret and make sure Bertholdt didn’t get feelings for him.
Rage started to bubble in his stomach. Who did Reiner think he was telling him
not to get his feelings involved when it was Reiner who had pulled him into the
laundry room that night?
“Ok, Reiner,” he settles on saying, sighing a little as he did, “I understand.”
Reiner smiles at him, thinking everything was well and good, and he leans in
for a kiss, but Bertholdt jerks away.
Reiner looks hurt for a moment, and Bertholdt shakes his head, holding a hand
up in defense.
“You’re right, uh, we shouldn’t let this get in the way of our friendship, so,
I think we just…shouldn’t.”
“Oh,” Reiner looks away, feeling embarrassed, mentally kicking himself
wondering how what he said could have turned Bertholdt away like that. He had
thought so hard about what to say, and in the end he had only made it worse. He
gulps, rubbing the back of his neck, “alright, yeah, that’s cool.”
Bertholdt can’t look back at him either, and he just mumbles, “Uh, I guess I’ll
see you around…with the other guys.”
“Yeah, ok,” Reiner says, straightening out his back and rolling his neck, as if
to snap any bad feelings out of his body, forcing himself to shift into a
causal nonchalant facade, “my parents will probably be home soon anyway, so,
uh, yeah, I’ll see you later.”
Bertholdt nods, and then sees himself out, quickly walking back to his house.
He’s stomach is turning again, and he feels like his heart is in his throat. He
can’t stop swallowing thickly, like he’s choking down something rancid. Anger
was still steadily flowing through him. Anger at himself for letting Reiner
take advantage of him, for fucking begging for it, and then anger at Reiner for
having the audacity to tell him to not getting his feelings involved. He
couldn’t take it anymore. He was tired of having every relationship he’d ever
had leave this sickening feeling within himself. Maybe that’s just the way he
was, he thought to himself, maybe he was really cheap and dirty. Maybe that’s
why Reiner didn’t want to get into a relationship with him and only saw him as
a plaything. He didn’t want to be like that anymore. It didn’t matter how he
truly felt for Reiner. He would push those feelings away, for the sake of their
‘friendship,’ and he would move on.
Bertholdt tries giving Annie a call again, for the second time that day, but
she still doesn’t answer.
Chapter End Notes
     Hope you liked it! Please don't hate me.
     Thank you so much to everyone leaving comments and kudos, and thanks
     to everyone leaving me messages on tumblr as well. You're really
     great and I love you<3
***** Chapter 14 *****
Chapter Summary
     Bertholdt takes things into his own hands for once, while Reiner
     struggles to find his feet.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
It’s Monday and Bertholdt hasn’t spoken to anyone all weekend. He didn’t bother
Annie anymore because he was afraid of irritating her since she was obviously
mad at him. Although he did send her a text saying sorry that went unanswered.
He’s about to meet her during her free period, once again forgoing lunch, when
he runs into Jean in the hallway.
“Hey Bertholdt,” he calls out to him, and Bertholdt stops, smiling at him and
nodding in hello, “you coming to lunch?”
Bertholdt is taken aback for a second, since he’d never been invited to sit
with Jean and the other guys before, “uh, I was actually heading to the
library…”
“Ah, come on,” Jean waves a hand at him, walking towards the direction of the
cafeteria and pulling Bertholdt with him, “come sit with us.”
Bertholdt looks back in the direction of the library, feeling a little worried
that he wouldn’t be seeing Annie, but he figures it’s not so bad. She would
want him to be social and he mentally prepares himself as he approaches the
cafeteria, knowing he’s going to be sitting with Reiner.
When they get to their table, one of the long benched ones in the center of the
room; Reiner looks up to see Bertholdt. A brief look of shock passes his face
before he just nods at him, and Bertholdt let’s out a breath of air he hadn’t
realized he was holding and nods back.
Surprisingly it isn’t awkward. Bertholdt sits next to Jean, with Marco on the
other side of him, and Armin is on the other side of Jean. Eren is sitting
across from him, and Reiner is sitting next to him. Bertholdt gets a weird
feeling as if he is having an out of body experience. Here he is hanging out
with Reiner but not hanging out with him at the same time. They don’t directly
talk to each other; besides a few words that just are mixed within the
conversation as a whole, and Bertholdt is feeling more and more at ease as he
talks and laughs with everyone else.
It feels weird, as the week goes on and Bertholdt continues to sit with them at
lunch, and then another week passes and it just becomes normal. He feels like
he finally has friends, like he’s apart of something, but it’s different. At
the same time he feels like he’s lost both of his best friends. He hasn’t
talked to or seen Annie in a while, but he didn’t dwell on that too much,
considering they had gone periods of time without talking before, since both he
and Annie were the type of person to withdrawal into themselves at times. While
he’s still seeing Reiner it’s different. They aren’t really hanging out, at
least not like how it was before, when they would hang out alone at his house
and be so comfortable with each other and be able to joke and laugh and just
relax together, but Bertholdt knows those times are over. He knows he was the
one to end it this time, so he knows he shouldn’t feel sad about it. As long as
Reiner wasn’t serious he didn’t want to toy with the idea of being with him any
more because he knew it would only hurt more in the long run. He just focuses
on getting past it and on enjoying this feeling of having friends. He wasn’t
going to let Reiner ruin his chance at being social like he did before. He
wasn’t going to get depressed and hide. He wasn’t doing that anymore despite
the loaming feeling he felt in his stomach every time they were forced to act
normal around each other.
He didn’t know how Reiner was feeling. Reiner was better at hiding his
emotions. He was able to laugh and joke easily without showing the uneasiness
he felt deep down. If Bertholdt was going to be part of their ‘crew’ now that
was fine with him. He would act normal; he would ignore it even if it did hurt
knowing that it was Bertholdt that had pushed him away. Instead he focused on
school and practice, going to the gym more often than usual. It was October,
and October meant the final football games that would lead up to regional’s
where happening so he had to be doing his best, knowing that a lot of the
pressure from Shadis and the team was on him.
His dad had also been pressuring him a lot. They didn’t make it to regional’s
last year, due to one stupid loss, and his dad had spent the whole week
afterwards yelling at him. Reiner really didn’t want to let him down again,
especially because this was his final year in high school and it would be his
final shot at making it to regional’s, and since he already had a couple
colleges looking at him to give him scholarships it was really important he
didn’t fuck up. Needless to say, it provided a good distraction, and he figured
maybe it was a good thing Bertholdt had turned him down, so he wouldn’t be too
caught up in that to focus. That didn’t make it hurt any less though.
“What’s with that boy?” His dad had asked, the day Bertholdt had been over.
“What?” Reiner asked back, unsure what he meant.
“So quiet. It’s weird,” he said gruffly, sitting at the kitchen table with his
mom. Reiner made his way to the fridge, pulling out the milk jug and pouring
himself a glass.
He shrugged, “I dunno, he was always like that since we were kids.”
His dad shook his head, “always thought he was an odd one.”
“Ralf,” his mom cut in, “you know he has family troubles. His dad left. Poor
boy.”
His dad grunted, “typical. You see that’s why family is important.”
Reiner averted his eyes as his dad looked across the table at his mother,
smiling. She nodded in agreement.
“Reiner when are you going to get a girlfriend?” She directed her attention on
him and Reiner just groaned, “What happened to Krista? She was so sweet.”
“Ma, I told you I’m focusing on school.”
“That’s my boy,” his dad said, “you worry about finding a good girl when you
get to college, but to go that you gotta make it into college, so you better
hope you make it to regional’s!”
 
“Bertholdt,” Bertholdt looked up from his tray at Jean, “we’re going into town
after school today, you coming?”
Bertholdt thought for a moment, a little surprised to be asked to hang out
outside of school. Sure, he had been sitting with the guys at lunch for about 2
weeks now, but they hadn’t hung out besides that. He briefly looks over at
Reiner, but the other boy is focused on eating, his face looking down at his
food.
“Sure, sound’s fun.”
When they were leaving the cafeteria Armin had pulled Jean aside.
“Good thinking Jean,” he tells him excited, “getting Bertholdt and Reiner to
hang out together with us. They seem to be acting civil don’t they?”
“Oh, uh, yeah,” honestly Jean hadn’t thought about that at all. The only reason
he had invited Bertholdt to start hanging out with them was because he thought
if he got closer to him he could get closer to Annie. He hadn’t even gotten the
girl’s phone number and he wasn’t sure how to approach her. He figured if he
had an in with her best friend it would help. Reiner and Bertholdt were the
last things on his mind. Despite finding Annie to be a little terrifying at
first he actually kind of liked her now, and the sex was good, so there was
that, so he definitely wanted to get to know her better.
They all met up after class and took the bus into town where they went to a
pizza joint. Apparently they went there regularly, because when they walked in
the man behind the counter called out to them in welcome, and when they were
seated the waitress came over to them and greeted them by name.
“Who is your new friend?” She asked, gesturing to Bertholdt.
“That’s Bertholdt,” Marco, who is sitting across from him at the end of the
table, answers.
Bertholdt nods up at her, feeling a little embarrassed about having the
attention on him.
“Well, nice to meet you Bertholdt,” she says, placing a hand briefly on his
shoulder in a friendly fashion, before pulling away to write down everyone’s
orders.
While they’re eating she comes back a few times to ask how everything is and
have friendly chit-chat, since they seem to have a decent report together.
Every time she does she puts her hand on the back of the booth behind
Bertholdt’s head, making it so she’s a little closer to him then he’s
comfortable with, her chest being even with his head. Once they’re finished and
she clears their table she puts the check down.
“No rush,” she tells them, and then she looks to Bertholdt, “nice meeting you
Bertholdt, I hope they bring you by more often.”
As they scramble to get their cash together and split the check Eren, who was
sitting on the other side of Armin who was sitting in between him and
Bertholdt, leans over to smirk at Bertholdt, “hey I think she likes you.”
Bertholdt blushes, shaking his head.
“She’s being pretty obvious,” Marco chuckles, “who knew you were such a lady
killer, huh Bertholdt?”
He just shakes his head again, ducking it slightly to hide his blush.
Scratching at the back of his neck he peaks up at Marco and clears his throat,
“Actually, uh, I’m gay.”
Reiner coughs, but it sounds more like he’s choking. They all turn and look at
him but he just continues to cough, covering his mouth and mumbling a ‘sorry.’
They turn their attention back to Bertholdt.
“Really?” It’s Armin who speaks first, “Well, that’s cool Bertholdt.”
There’s a chorus of ‘yeah’s’ as everyone agrees and Bertholdt smiles sheepishly
at them. He wasn’t sure what made him say it but he was glad he did. It just
felt right. Considering he wasn’t going to let Reiner get in the way of his
friendships anymore he figured there was no reason to let the fact that Reiner
wanted to keep his sexuality a secret keep him from doing the opposite. He
truly wanted to be friend with these guys and it seemed right. Annie was his
only close friend before and he had come out to her, so it made sense to do the
same here, and they all seemed ok with it. It felt like a weight had been
lifted off his chest. He glances at Reiner, who is still covering his mouth
even though he stopped coughing, but he’s kind of just stroking his chin,
looking down seriously at the table. If Reiner didn’t want to say anything that
was fine, but Bertholdt was glad he did.
“So,” Jean drawls, “what about Annie?”
Bertholdt looks over at him, furrowing his brow, “what about her?”
He clears his throat, forging innocence, “well, we all kinda thought you two
were together.”
Bertholdt lets out a soft laugh, “oh, no, we’re just friends.”
Jean nods, thinking for a moment, “Oh, ok, that’s cool, uh, so, she’s single?”
The other guys laugh at that and Jean curses at them to shut up.
“Do – do you like her?” Bertholdt asks, a little taken aback.
“No!” Jean is quick to answer, “I just was wondering, I mean, I wasn’t
sure…I’ve only ever seen her hanging out with you so I wasn’t sure if she was
off with someone else who didn’t go to our school or something…”
He scrambles for an accuse, trying to act nonchalant, since no one else knew
what had happened between him and her, but Eren chuckles, “yeah ok Jean.”
 
Reiner wanted to strangle Bertholdt the second the words left his mouth. Why
did he have to do that? It was bad enough that Jean saw him leaving the laundry
room with him but now that everyone knew Bertholdt was gay it wouldn’t take a
genius to figure out something had happened between them. Still, no one said
anything bad, they all acted relatively normal, but what did he expect? It
wasn’t like they’d start yelling at him to leave or something once they found
out he was gay in public like that. Regardless, it was semi comforting to know
they expressed no hard feelings, but it wasn’t like Bertholdt was on the
football team with them, tackling them and touching them. If that were the case
maybe they’d feel differently.
He was quiet for the rest of the day, well quieter than usual. He tried to act
normal but he had a lot on his mind. It was a weird feeling, knowing that no
one seemed troubled by Bertholdt coming out so casually. He was glad, but he
was also angry, jealous even. Jealous that it had been so easy for him, and
part of him was angry at himself because he wondered if maybe he didn’t act
like such a dick he and Bertholdt could have came out together and it would
have been fine. But he knew that was just a fantasy, especially now. Bertholdt
clearly had no interest in him now. He had pushed him away, but Reiner reminded
himself that it was for the better. He had to focus on practice and school, on
getting into regional’s, on getting into college, on getting a family…
 
After he had gotten home from being out with the guys Bertholdt flopped down on
the couch, feeling light headed, in a good way. He was elated after having the
weight lifted off his shoulders, and fidgeted with a strange kind of energy as
he flipped through the channels. It was still early, so his mom wasn’t home
yet, and he had the house to himself. Usually he’d take this time to make
dinner, enough for him and his mom so when she got home she could eat, but he
had already eaten. He figured he should probably make her something anyway,
since he’d feel bad otherwise.
He’s about to get up when he spots something interesting on TV, an Ingmar
Bergman documentary that he hadn’t seen before. He sits watching it as they
talk about Bergman’s use of dream like imagery, specifically talking about his
film ‘Hour of the Wolf.’ Bertholdt snorts to himself, remembering the day he
tried to get Reiner to watch that movie with him. Reiner didn’t appreciate it
at all, not caring for any other the beautiful striking cinematography or the
eerie dream like images that Bertholdt had always been so fascinated with. He
pushes the memory of Reiner kissing him with the movie on in the background out
of his mind, snapping his attention back to the screen as it shows the famous
shot of the woman laughing while looking directly into the camera. Bertholdt
stares and it feels like she’s really staring back at him, laughing at him, he
shakes his head. Reiner wouldn’t understand, of course, he couldn’t, just like
with everything else.
Erwin would understand the eerie beauty in that shot. Erwin loved Ingmar
Bergman, and he loved art, and he loved reading. Bertholdt bites his lip,
recalling the date they had had together. He runs his hands through his hair,
letting out a heavy sigh, feeling incredibly stupid. He had turned Erwin away
just to be used by Reiner.
After a moment he takes out his cell phone, and he types out a text, hesitating
before sending it, ‘Hi Erwin, it’s Bertholdt. There is an Ingmar Bergman
documentary on channel 63. I hadn’t seen it before so I thought maybe you
hadn’t either and thought I’d let you know.’
He tosses his phone down on the couch, as if throwing it away from him would
still the heavy beating of his heart. It had been awhile since he’d last talked
to Erwin and he wasn’t sure if this would be a mistake. What if Erwin had found
someone else in the mean time? Just as he was kicking himself, cursing under
his breath for being a stupid idiot, his phone buzzed.
Quickly, he scrambled to pick it up, seeing he had a new message from Erwin,
‘Thank You Bertholdt, I haven’t seen it. It looks good. How have you been?’
His heart is racing even faster as he thinks of how to respond. Erwin didn’t
dismiss him completely so maybe he was still available, but that still didn’t
mean he’d be willing to give Bertholdt another chance. He had royally fucked up
by calling out Reiner’s name and then telling him all his drama involving the
other boy. If he was Erwin he wouldn’t give himself another chance, but he
wanted to try. Erwin was so nice and so smart. Maybe if he could make a proper
relationship out of at least one of the two fucked up ones he’d been in he’d
feel better about himself, and Erwin did say he wanted to be more serious this
time. The idea of that made Bertholdt feel butterflies in his stomach. An
actual real relationship. The idea seemed so foreign to him.
He sends him a text, figuring it’s been ling enough to not be too soon but not
too long that he doesn’t seem interested, ‘I’m ok, how are you?’
Then he gets up, feeling a little better, as he moves into the kitchen and
begins to prepare a small meal for his mom for when she gets home. Erwin texts
him back after a couple of minutes saying, ‘Good. Everything ok with that
friend of yours?’
Bertholdt smiles to himself. Erwin had always been pretty straightforward. He
figured it was because he was older and new what he wanted. It was refreshing
after dealing with all the wishy-washy-ness between him and Reiner.
‘I’m over him,’ Bertholdt answers simply, feeling a weight being lifted off of
himself for the second time that day, and after another couple of minutes he’s
set up a date with Erwin for the weekend.
 
The next day Bertholdt makes it a point to see Annie during lunch, telling the
guys he had some studying to do. She sitting in her usual spot and Bertholdt is
happy that nothing has changed in his absence.
“Annie,” he says, and smiles at her, “how are you?”
She looks up at him through her bangs, not lifting her head, “Fine. You?”
“Good,” he scratching the back of his neck, “Um, I’ve been eating lunch with
the guys.”
“I know,” she says flatly, “Armin told me.”
“Oh, yeah,” he lets out a quiet laugh, “um, you know, Jean’s been asking about
you.”
She sighs, turning the page of her textbook a little more violently than
intended and it rips slightly.
“Annie?” He asks.
She leans back in her chair, crossing her arms and finally looking at
Bertholdt, “I slept with Jean.”
“What?”
“At the party. That’s why I didn’t stop you. That’s why I didn’t see Reiner
leave. I was with Jean.”
“Oh,” he mumbles and then realizes what an ass he’s been, “Oh. I’m sorry Annie,
I should have asked if you were ok –”
“It’s fine,” she cuts him off, “I just don’t know how I feel about him. He’s
kind of an obnoxious prick. Part of me wishes I hadn’t…”
Bertholdt looks at her sadly, understanding, “I’m sorry Annie. I really am. I
was only thinking about myself and I didn’t realize –”
“I told you it’s fine,” she cuts him off again.
“Do you want me to tell him you’re not interested?”
“No,” she shakes her head quickly, “just don’t say anything ok?”
He nods and then pauses before speaking again, “Thank you Annie. For
everything. I’ve been meaning to say it. I know I’m annoying and a bad friend
but you always stick by me even though you don’t have to. It really means a
lot.”
She scoffs and he looks at her with a hurt expression, which only makes her
laugh. She kicks his leg playfully under the table.
“Really Bertholdt? Don’t be such a sap,” and they both laugh before she clears
her throat, “you aren’t a bad friend Bertholdt. You put up with me being a
bitch too, remember.”
He chuckles, “you aren’t a bitch Annie, don’t say that.”
“Seriously?” She raises her eyebrows, smirking at him, “everyone says I’m a
bitch and that they’re scared of me. You should have seen Jean in bed.”
Bertholdt cringes, “ugh, I don’t want to know that, please.”
“What? You don’t think Jean is attractive?” She asks jokingly.
“No, he’s good looking I guess,” he shrugs, “he just isn’t my type.”
“Oh yeah, you’re type is big blondes right?” She teases.
He blushes.
“Speaking of big blondes,” she continues on a more serious note, “you and
Reiner?”
Bertholdt shakes his head immediately, “it’s nothing. It’s over between us.
Whatever ‘it’ was anyway.”
“But you’ve been hanging out?”
“Yeah, just as friends. It’s actually been kinda ok. Not as awkward as you’d
think,” he chuckles.
She seems surprised, “Bertholdt not being awkward? What a shock.”
He gives her a look and then clears his throat, “actually, I uh, came out to
everyone yesterday. Well, all the other guys.”
“Oh really? How’d that go?” Her voice is softer now, the teasing edge leaving
it.
He smiles shyly, “it went good, everyone seemed cool about it…and uh, I also
have a date with Erwin this weekend.”
“Erwin? Again?” The hardness of her voice returns, “are you sure that’s a good
idea.”
He nods, and she notices that he seems confident when he does, “yes. It really
is over with Reiner and me. He was playing with me and I don’t want that. I
didn’t like that about Erwin and I’s relationship before and I told myself I
wouldn’t let that happen and it did. Erwin said he’d be willing to try and have
a serious relationship with me and…I think it’s a good idea to take a shot.”
He’s blushing and smiling at the end of sentence, and Annie nods slowly,
deciding to trust him and not tell him otherwise. She did tell him she’d let
him figure it out on his own after all.
Chapter End Notes
     Hope you guys liked this chapter. Yes, Erwin is making a comeback,
     but don't worry, this is still a Reibert fic i swear.
     Thank you to everyone leaving comments and kudos, even people leaving
     criticism, it gives me things to think about, and thank you to those
     giving me support in return. I love you all<3
***** Chapter 15 *****
Chapter Summary
     Bertholdt goes on his date with Erwin and realizes there's no easy
     way out of any situation.
Chapter Notes
     Bertholdt centric chapter, sorry, Reiner's time will come don't
     worry. I imagine Erwin to look like an H&M model, I don't know how
     popular those stores are in other places (I live in America) but it's
     supposed to be like European fashion (I guess? - I think it's a
     Swedish store originally? But I have no idea haha.) Anyway, I looked
     up 'H&M Men's Fall Fashion' to find Erwin's outfit. I don't know why
     I'm telling you this. /end rambles
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Friday was the day Bertholdt had planned to meet up with Erwin. He was coming
to his house after school to pick him up. Erwin had work until 4 in the
afternoon anyway so it worked out, and Bertholdt didn’t have to tell him he
couldn’t meet until he was done class. It was also early enough that he didn’t
have to worry about his mother seeing him getting picked up by a random older
man, although he did worry about the neighbors seeing.
Bertholdt had stressed over what to wear, since Erwin didn’t specify what they
were going to do. It was earlier in the day so he wasn’t expecting dinner,
although he supposed they could end up going to an early dinner so he wasn’t
sure if he should eat when he got home from school or not. Also it was starting
to get a little chiller out and darker earlier so he figured he should dress
warmly just in case. He ended up changing his outfit multiple times, spending
the whole 2 hours between getting home and Erwin arriving standing in front of
the mirror. In the end he had lost track of time, threw on the thing he felt
most comfortable in (everything else feeling not like himself or like he was
trying too hard) and didn’t have enough time to eat.
Erwin had pulled up to his house and Bertholdt was walking out the door and
rushing to get into the car before Erwin could even step out. It was still
light out and he didn’t want any neighbors seeing Erwin coming to knock on his
door.
The older man smiled at him once he was in the car, and Bertholdt smiled shyly
back, noting his dress. Erwin was wearing a black pea coat over a slightly
duller black blazer that was buttoned with one button, over a deep dark blue
dress shirt, that had a black scarf tucked into it. He had on black pants and
even though Bertholdt couldn’t see his feet he figured he was wearing nice
shoes to match the rest of his outfit.
Despite Erwin still being casual he was still so well put together, almost
effortlessly, looking fancy and elegant without being over extravagant.
Bertholdt felt incredibly underdressed and he regretted changing back into his
simple grey and black striped sweater with a slightly lighter grey fleece
jacket over it and black jeans, that were a little faded, and his all black
converse. He knew he should have worn that nice expensive green blazer he
bought himself forever ago that still had the tag on it.
Erwin didn’t seem to notice and simply greeted him by saying he looked nice and
asked how his day was. Bertholdt awkwardly stuttered back telling him that he
also looked nice, and he couldn’t help but blush, which Erwin chuckled at
lightly.
“Have you been to Old City?” Erwin asked, and Bertholdt shook his head.
“Well, once,” he elaborated, “when I was younger…but it’s been a while”
Old City was in a different part of town, a little ways further than the town
he and the guys went to. It was the original part of the city and had all the
original older buildings. It was a very classy part of town and had become
known for it’s high art culture and restaurants, the type of restaurants were
there was a set price and menu for each person. Bertholdt had never been to one
of those restaurants before. He hoped that wasn’t what Erwin had planned.
Something told him jeans and sneakers didn’t fit the dress code.
“There is an old theater there, are you familiar with it?” Erwin asked, briefly
glancing between Bertholdt and the road. He causally drove with one hand on the
steering wheel and the other resting on the medium in the middle between them.
Once again Bertholdt shook his head, “I’ve only heard of it.”
“It’s a great theater,” Erwin tells him, “you will like it. They play old films
every now and again. This week they are playing a series of rare old silent
films. I figured we could go catch them. Does that interest you?”
Bertholdt nods, and then speaks once he realizes Erwin might not be able to see
it, and he mumbles a, “yes, sounds fun.”
They parked on the street and Bertholdt stood awkwardly waiting while Erwin
filled the meter. He looked around surveying the area. It was incredible what a
couple blocks past their usual hangout could do. The old red brick buildings
were beautiful, verses the grey concrete buildings he was used to seeing, and
the narrow sidewalks had trees planted on the edge with little fences around
them. They were tall and in the October weather the leaves were just beginning
to change to a striking array of oranges and reds.
Bertholdt had his head looking upwards at them when Erwin walked up to him, his
hands in his pockets, and smiling at him endearingly. It made Bertholdt blush,
since he had gotten caught looking like an awestruck child at the beautiful
quiet old city. Erwin jerked his head indicating the direction to walk in and
began walking and Bertholdt followed next to him. They walked close with their
arms lightly brushing against each other’s, but both of them had their hand’s
in their pockets do to the chilly weather.
“The theater isn’t far,” Erwin told him and Bertholdt simply nodded, “it got
chilly out fast didn’t it? It was warm enough for a t-shirt last week.”
Bertholdt let out a light laugh and agreed as Erwin attempted to start small
talk with him. He was slightly distracted by the newness of his surroundings.
They walked by multiple people, since it was a Friday it was relatively busy
out, and it wasn’t cold enough yet to deter people away from walking the
streets and going out. There was a moment where he was worried someone he knew
might see him but he realized he didn’t know anyone from this side of town and
it’d be odd to see a classmate around here. Everyone looked very nice, lots of
them were older, and it made Bertholdt feel even more out of place. He wondered
what he and Erwin looked like next to each other as they walked so close they
were touching and talked casually. Erwin was clearly older, but not so much
older that he looked like his father, not that they would even look like that
anyway considering they looked nothing alike. He wondered if people walking by
them tried to guess what they were to each other. It made him slightly self-
conscious, but Erwin didn’t seem bothered at all. He kept the conversation
going and Bertholdt soon fell back into talking with him easily, once again
realizing the smooth calmness of Erwin’s voice put him at ease, despite all his
other anxieties. They talked about the fall, and Erwin told him he didn’t
particularly like the cold weather but that it was a good time for fashion and
for him to wear his varying different scarves and jackets that he spent too
much money on.
“The weather gives me an excuse to spend money,” he joked, “every time it
starts to get cold I buy more jackets and scarves even though I already have
too many.”
Bertholdt figured that explained why he was so fashionable. He was wearing
multiple layers, although it still managed to not look over done.
“I like the cold,” Bertholdt mused, “I like wearing sweaters. I only have a few
I wear though…”
He absentmindedly placed a palm to his chest, wiping down his front and
straightening out his sweater. One of the four out of the multiple he owned
that he actually wore.
Erwin looked him up and down, sending him a tiny smirk. He nudged him lightly
with his elbow, “maybe I’ll have to take you shopping then.”
Bertholdt blushed, immediately telling him ‘no you don’t have to do that’ under
his breath but then they were approaching the theater and Erwin directed his
attention to it, “here we are.”
It looked like a real old theater, well it was, but it was well kept, and
Bertholdt had never seen one like it in person. A large yellow sign jutted out
the front, with red letters written down it saying, ‘Old County Theater,’ above
the marquee sign that read, ‘Independent Film Theater – Rare Silent Films –
This Week Only.’
Erwin walked up to the ticket booth to pay, and Bertholdt felt a little bad
when he heard the price, which was $20 a ticket. Other than the one time they
went out to eat last he had never had anyone pay for anything for him, and he
had never been on a date either. The time they went out before felt different.
Bertholdt supposed it was because he wasn’t expecting it and thus didn’t have
anytime to stress over it. That time was really nothing more than a booty call
(a failed one) that just involved dinner before hand, but this was different.
He was thankful they were going into the theater so he wouldn’t have to rely on
talking for a little while.
The films weren’t long, they play 5 of them and they each are about 15 minutes
long. They sat in the center of the theater, a little to the right, and there
were a couple of other people in there as well but it wasn’t too crowded. Erwin
bought them popcorn to share and a drink for them each, but for the most part
the popcorn went uneaten between them. Bertholdt felt a little shy accepting it
and tried to time it so their hands wouldn’t touch. It felt a little stupid
when he thought about it, considering he had the other man’s dick inside him
but he couldn’t help it. He tried to stay within the boundaries of his seat,
but Erwin didn’t mind putting his arm on the armrest and having it be flush
against his the whole time.
When the films were over they leave the theater and Bertholdt is feeling a
little better. The films had excited him, giving him something to talk about.
Silent films were always so intriguing to him, and he found himself rambling
when speaking to Erwin as the older man lead him down the street.
“They’re like a moving painting,” Bertholdt expressed, hands in his pockets and
looking up to the sky. It was starting to get dark out by now, “silent but
expressive, powerful and deliberate in conveying emotion –”
Erwin chuckles beside him, and it makes Bertholdt stop once he realizes he’s
just talking at him and he blushes with embarrassment, muttering out a,
‘sorry.’
He shakes his head, “no need to be sorry.”
He stops, making Bertholdt stop, and they are in front of a cute little café
that has a French name. Before entering he turns to Bertholdt and reaches a
hand up to his face pulling him down into a kiss. It’s short, just a little
peck, but it’s significant. Bertholdt feels his face grow hot when Erwin pulls
away, and he immediately looks around at the other people walking around the
city.
“You’re so adorable Bertholdt,” Erwin says, smiling up at him, and Bertholdt
ducks his head, the term sounding odd coming from Erwin’s deep voice, “when you
speak about films it is like you turn into a different person. It’s very
endearing.”
Bertholdt clears his throat, head still ducked, “I-I like them a lot…I spent a
lot of time watching them growing up…”
“It’s nice seeing someone be so passionate about simple pleasures in life,”
Erwin replies simply, and he places a hand on Bertholdt’s lower back as he
leads him into the café.
Bertholdt waits at a table for two while Erwin orders drinks for them. The café
is warm in contrast to the chilly outside. He places his cold fingers to his
lips, which are still warm from Erwin, and stares blankly in front of him.
Erwin had kissed him, outside and in public, where people could see. He was
making no show of hiding the fact that they were together, on a date. It made
Bertholdt feel butterflies in his stomach. The feeling was so different from
the secret taboo relationship they had before and rush hushed relationship he
had with Reiner. No one had ever shown open affection to him before, and
especially considering he was gay he hadn’t expected it to ever happen. He
wasn’t sure how he felt about it, feeling some eyes on him in the shop and on
the street, but for the most part it felt nice. Erwin liked him; he was letting
him know he liked him without any regard to anyone else around and having no
shame. He couldn’t help bitterly thinking back to Reiner. He felt resentment
towards him and the fact that he was ashamed to be with Bertholdt, but he did
feel guilty, knowing it was partially his fault and that he had only put it on
himself. He tried not to think about it, instead focusing on the issue at hand,
which was Erwin wanting to be serious with him and he gets lost in his thoughts
as Erwin sat down in front of him, placing down two cappuccinos.
“I’m sorry am I interrupting?” Erwin jokes noticing that Bertholdt is lost in
his thoughts.
Bertholdt laughs lightly, wrapping his fingers around the mug given to him and
looking at the foam almost coming over the top, “no, s-sorry, I was just
thinking.”
Erwin sips his drink, eyeing Bertholdt from over the rim carefully, then puts
it down, “I hope I wasn’t being to forward.”
Bertholdt peeks up at him, and he sees the smirk on his face and hears the
teasing tone in his voice, and he instantly understands that he’s making a
reference to the first time they hooked up, when Erwin had so boldly just given
him a blow job right away. They both knew whatever happening right now was a
little odd considering their past, but it felt nice and it felt right.
Bertholdt was glad Erwin had a sense of humor about Bertholdt’s shyness despite
everything.
He’s blushing again and he clears his throat, “it’s just, uh, I’ve never
really, uh, been open…”
Erwin holds up a hand, making him stop, “I understand. It’s fine,” he gives him
that small smile again, changing the subject, “so tell me, what are you doing
home during this time of year?”
Bertholdt quickly scans his brain for an answer. He hadn’t thought about that.
It was still a weird time of the year for Bertholdt to be home visiting. It was
too early for winter break so he couldn’t say that so he had to come up with
something else.
He takes a deep breath, preparing an answer, “Uh, it’s – it’s my mom.”
Erwin raises a brow, “Oh? Is she alright?”
“She’s fine,” Bertholdt quickly answers, waving a hand, “her and my dad just
got a divorce and she’s been having trouble adjusting…money and all…I decided
to come home and help her get settled…”
He feels terrible using his mom as an excuse, but it’s the first thing he can
think of, and it isn’t entirely untrue. He parents did get a divorce after all
so it’d be easy for him to talk about (well, not easy but easier than something
that didn’t ever happen to him, and he hoped Erwin would respect the sensitive
topic enough not to ask him more about it.)
Erwin hums in response.
Bertholdt continues, adding as an after thought, “I still plan on finishing
school of course…”
“That’s good,” Erwin says. Then he leans forward on the table seriously,
putting a hand on Bertholdt’s in a reassuring manner, “Bertholdt I know that
this combined with what you went through with your friend must be a lot for you
right now.”
Bertholdt flinches at the mention of Reiner and Erwin places more pressure on
his hand.
“I want you to know that I meant it when I said I wanted to take things
seriously with you, and I’m prepared to take things slow, if that’s what you
need.”
Bertholdt feels guilty upon hearing his words. Erwin was so nice, and so
genuine, and Bertholdt was here lying to him. He felt awful, but he wanted to
make it work too. He knew he would eventually have to tell the truth, he just
couldn’t get himself to say it right now, feeling too wrapped up in the warm
fuzziness in his stomach from Erwin’s hand on his in the quiet café. All he
could do is nod dumbly.
Erwin takes him home then, it’s just around 7 o’clock, late enough that it’s
dark out but early enough that his mom isn’t home yet. There’s an odd moment
when they sit in the car out front of Bertholdt house.
Erwin turns towards him, “Well, I hope you enjoyed yourself.”
“I did,” Bertholdt nods, smiling sheepishly at him.
“Should we plan another date then?”
Bertholdt blushes as he nods, rubbing the back of his neck, finding the idea of
dating so bizarre but then there’s that warm feeling in his stomach again.
“Next Saturday?” Erwin suggests, “maybe we can go shopping.”
Bertholdt keeps rubbing at the back of his neck but agrees, even though he’s
not so sure how he feels about Erwin buying him things.
“Good,” there’s a pause, and then, “Bertholdt.”
Bertholdt looks up and once Erwin has his attention he is leaning in to kiss
him, cupping his face with one hand and gently engaging him. Bertholdt let’s
himself be kissed for a moment before responding. It’s slow at first, as they
move their lips against each other delicately, but then Erwin swipes a tongue
over his lips, and Bertholdt opens his mouth and lets him deepen the kiss.
After that it gets away form them quickly and things begin to get heated in the
tiny car as they pant into each other’s mouths, tongues mingling and lips
smacking.
Their hands are moving over each other, Erwin still has a hand by his face,
cupping his jaw, his fingers spread on the sharp curve of it and under his ear,
tickling him slightly, and his other hand is on his thigh. Bertholdt is eagerly
meeting him, both his hands grabbing at him, one at the back of his head and
the other gripping a hold of his jacket.
Then Erwin tilts his head with his hand, moving his mouth to kiss down his neck
and he’s whispering over his skin, “this isn’t taking things slowly.”
His voice is husky, teasing, and Bertholdt mewls, arching his head back to
expose his neck more, and his hands wrap around his shoulders. He doesn’t care.
Erwin feels good, and he’s good. His mouth is skilled as it moves and Bertholdt
closes his eyes in bliss. Erwin is kind and Erwin likes him and he wants to be
serious and it feels incredible and he’s ready to forgo the whole ‘going slow’
thing but then Erwin is pulling away.
Bertholdt looks at him wide eyed in question, and Erwin smirks as he surveys
his work. Bertholdt is flustered and red in the face, breathing heavily.
“We can continue later,” he says, and Bertholdt averts his eyes, feeling
embarrassed at how easily he had given in. Then Erwin shifts in his seat, “let
me walk you to your door.”
Bertholdt thinks for a moment, looking outside briefly, but he decides it’s
dark enough out that no one would be watching so he agrees, still feeling
intoxicated by the feeling of the older man.
Erwin gives him another smile before stepping out of the car, walking to the
other side, and opening the door for Bertholdt. Bertholdt mumbles a ‘thanks’ as
he steps out and they walk to his front door.
“Uh, thanks Erwin,” he ducks his head shyly as they stand in front of the door.
It’s colder out now, and the moon is creating a blue glow in the night.
Erwin puts a hand under his chin, lifting his head up, and giving him another
kiss. This time it’s slow and stays slow. He lingers over Bertholdt lips,
holding his face there and gently moving his lips on his. Bertholdt melts into
it and doesn’t realize that he leans forward when Erwin pulls away, missing the
touch.
“See you next weekend Bertholdt,” Erwin chuckles and gives him a little pat to
his cheek before walking off back to his car.
Bertholdt quickly goes into his house, touching his cold hands to his face to
cool it down. His stomach has butterflies again. Erwin really was a good guy,
he thinks to himself, his heart feeling light, but then it drops again when he
remembers he will have to be honest with him sooner rather than later.
 
Reiner had his head back against the headrest in the car, sitting passenger
side next to his dad. He was sweaty, his t-shirt sticking to his chest and his
back sticking to the seat. He had just spent the whole evening at the gym. Him
and his dad had gone out to eat after Reiner got home from school, and then he
took him to the gym to work out, making sure he did both cardio and weight
lifting while his dad did some exercises himself. They didn’t always go to the
gym together but sometimes they did. For the most part Reiner had liked going
to the gym with his dad, it was usually fun and a good bounding experience,
except for when it was close to playoff season. Then his dad would always be
making side comments about how Reiner had to push himself harder. Reiner was
slipping into sleep when he heard his dad’s voice, gruff and confused.
“Who’s that guy?”
Reiner lifts his head; they were home, parked in the driveway, and down the
street under the light of the moon they could see Bertholdt heading up the
walkway to his house with another man. Reiner is leaning over, looking past his
father to see, and he can tell even though it’s two houses over that it’s
Erwin. He feels jealous for a moment, angry and confused. Bertholdt had told
him he broke it off with Erwin. Was that a lie?
“What the hell,” but then Reiner is pulled back from his thoughts by his dad,
and he quickly tries to come up with something, praying that the two men down
the street just go inside, and he never ever thought he would wish that before.
“Maybe it’s his mom’s boyfriend?” He says in questioning tone, trying to act
like he didn’t care either way.
But then Erwin is kissing him, and even from the angle they’re at they can
tell, and it’s long and takes a few minutes.
“Jesus Christ,” his dad practically yells, shaking his head and looking down at
his lap, as if to rid himself from the image, “I told you Reiner, didn’t I? I
knew something was weird with him. He’s a faggot,” then he scoffs, “should have
known. It’s a good thing you stopped hanging out with him when you did.”
Reiner’s mouth is dry and he can’t think of what to say in return but his dad
is moving to get out of the car anyway. Bertholdt is inside by now and Reiner
gets out of the car as well. Erwin has made his way back to his car, and as he
opens the door he looks over and they briefly make eye contact, but Reiner
quickly turns away, following his dad back into the house.
Chapter End Notes
     *whines pathetically as i start to regret this and feel bad for
     Erwin* 'he's only a plot device,' i whisper to myself sadly.
     Nah, i'm kidding, it'll all make sense eventually (i hope.)
     Anyway, thanks again to everyone leaving comments and kudos, it means
     a lot and i love you all<3 Hope you liked this chapter!
***** Chapter 16 *****
Chapter Notes
     little bit of a longer chapter...there was a lot i felt like i had to
     put in it and really didn't want to separate it into two chapters so
     here ya go~ hope you like it!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Reiner spent the weekend distressed for so many reasons. Everything was eating
at him. He couldn’t shake his jealousy of Erwin, the image of them kissing
replaying in his mind and the look of knowing that passed Erwin’s face when
they made eye contact. Then, there were his parents, who wouldn’t shut up about
it. He had managed to convince them to not tell Bertholdt’s mom. Telling them
that it wasn’t really their business and for all they knew Bertholdt’s mom
already knew. They listened to him, luckily Reiner’s dad agreed, saying that
he’d rather not get involved, just wanting to forget he even saw it and being
disgusted by the whole thing. It was his mother who wanted to warn the other
mother about her son, saying things like, ‘she should know, it’s her fault,’
and, ‘she couldn’t keep her family together,’ and, ‘this is what happens when
the father leaves and the mother is forced to spend her time out of the house,’
all at once blaming the father for not being there to provide a good male
figure and blaming the mother for not keeping an eye on him.
Of course his father agreed with those statements, further stating how he
always thought Bertholdt was weird, and that he was glad Reiner stopped hanging
out with him so he didn’t taint him, but he still thought it would be better
not to say anything, muttering to ‘never bring it up in the house again.’
Reiner just sat there and listened to it. There was so much he wanted to say
but he just couldn’t. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth and he just couldn’t
get himself to speak. What would he say anyway?
It was always like this. He had been hearing comments like this his whole life
but never did anything. He tried to seem indifferent to them, not agreeing or
arguing. It had been really difficult when he started to realize there was
something different about him, but he just tried to ignore it. He remembered
being 16 and watching gay porn for the first time ‘just because’ on the family
computer and being so scared that they would look in the history and find it,
so he spent at least an hour trying to figure out how to delete it constantly
while looking over his shoulder even though it was the middle of the night. But
that was the most he ever explored his sexuality until Bertholdt came into his
life again. It was almost like he tried to convince himself it wasn’t real even
thought it so obviously was. Being with Bertholdt had made it too real, and now
he was away from him and it was still too real to ignore now, but he continued
to push it down further, ignoring his feelings of confusion and jealousy.
 
Bertholdt was in a particularly good mood the whole week, being completely
unaware to what Reiner and his father had witnessed and the tension it was
causing the other boy. Erwin would text him a few times during the week, just
simple texts, like, ‘how is your day going?’ or asking what he was doing. It
made him feel all fuzzy inside, and while sitting with Annie in the library (he
now spent every other day in the library with her alternating between her and
sitting at lunch with the guys) he got a text saying, ‘can’t wait for tomorrow.
Hope you’re having a nice day,’ and he couldn’t help but smile hugely to
himself.
“What?” He looks up at Annie as she calls to him.
“What?” He asks back, trying to hide his smile but failing and face growing
hot.
She rolls her eyes, “are you going to tell me what you’re so happy about?”
“I don’t want to bore you,” he mumbles, ducking his head to hide his blush but
she can still see the big smile on his face.
“I’m aware it’s probably boring,” she states, feigning disinterest, “but you
can tell me anyway.”
Bertholdt pauses for a moment before excitedly answering her, “well, Erwin’s
been really great all week and I can’t wait to see him tomorrow.”
“Have you told him yet?”
“I will Annie,” his smile drops, “I’m going to tell him tomorrow.”
She hums, “how do you think that will go?”
He shrugs, “I-I don’t know…I hope he’s understanding.”
She raises her brows and nods curtly, pursing her lips, “alright, just remember
there’s no way around it. I’m surprised you lasted so long, you’re usually such
a shitty liar.”
He huffs, “thanks Annie…what about you?”
“What about me? I’m a good liar.”
“No,” he laughs lightly, “I mean, uh, about Jean?”
“Oh,” she pauses, “I haven’t really talked to him yet.”
“You should,” he encourages and she gives him a look and he knows it’s because
he really has no room to talk but he continues before she can comment on it,
“He still asks about you sometimes.”
She just scoffs in response.
 
The next day Bertholdt got ready to go on his second (could it be called that
after they’d been together so many times? He figured it was the start of a new
relationship so he could start counting from the beginning – so yes, second)
date. Erwin picked him up in the afternoon and took him out of town to a more
rural area to a tiny Old County Village that had shops and crafts stores and
restaurants. Bertholdt had never been there before but apparently it was known
for its decorations during the fall, having lots of cute to scary Halloween
decorations and pumpkin carving contests and scarecrow making contests. It was
nice and peaceful and even though it seemed to be more of a family oriented
place it was still fun, and Bertholdt loosened up to Erwin being so open about
being with him. They even held hands at one point, but only for about five
minutes before Bertholdt got too self-conscious. They spent the whole day
there, going into shops and generally goofing around looking at the different
arts and crafts and specialty stores. Erwin bought him a handmade infinity
scarf that for some reason was $60 although Bertholdt didn’t know how a scarf
could cost that much. He practically begged Erwin not to buy it for him but the
older man insisted, stating that the deep forest green color brought out his
eyes.
Then they ate at a small restaurant before leaving. There was an awkward moment
as they left, and Bertholdt wasn’t sure if Erwin had planned to take him home
but he didn’t want to go home just yet, so he boldly told him in a hushed tone,
“it’s still kind of early…”
So they went back to Erwin’s apartment and they had sex in his bedroom on his
king sized bed over the dark blue comforter. Before doing it Erwin had asked
him if he was sure and he simply responded by kissing him deeply, tugging Erwin
down form his position over him as they laid on the bed, already breathing
heavily and hard erections rubbing against each other as they had just finished
roaming their hands all over each other’s bodies and making out feverously.
That was all Erwin needed as an answer and he flipped them over so Bertholdt
was on top of him, guided him in stripping off his clothes, and then let him
ride his cock.
He had put on a condom first, and Bertholdt remembered that they always wore
condoms whenever they had sex. He feels bad as he remembers he and Reiner
didn’t use one, but he has no reason to think Reiner wasn’t clean, and since
the only other person he had sex with was Erwin he decided it probably wasn’t a
big deal.
It was so different than being with Reiner. Bertholdt had almost forgot what it
was like to be with Erwin. The older man was calm and stoic, and he stared up
at Bertholdt with a hard lust filled gaze, licking his lips and grunting,
rolling his hips up into Bertholdt as he rode him. Reiner was a little louder
than Erwin, but not by much, and he would curse under his breath in pleasure
while Erwin didn’t say much at all except for sometimes saying how good
Bertholdt was, grunting in a smooth voice, ‘good, Bertholdt, good boy.’
Bertholdt moaned above him, resting his hands on his chest and raising himself
up and down, basking in the pleasure and the feeling of the other man inside
him. He knew Erwin wanted to take things slow but he wanted this so badly.
Erwin was so kind and smart and he actually liked him and he just wanted him so
much that he didn’t want to wait. He craved the contact desperately. So he rode
his cock until he was exhausted and then Erwin held his hips still and thrust
up into him until they were both spent.
Then they collapsed next to each other, Bertholdt flopping down heavily beside
him. Erwin sits up, removing the condom and throwing it in the trashcan under
his nightstand, and then he pulls back the covers so he and Bertholdt can lay
under them.
He throws his arm around Bertholdt, pulling him close and Bertholdt snuggles
into his side.
“We’re not very good at taking things slow,” he jokes and Bertholdt chuckles
back in response.
After a moment Bertholdt pulls away a little bit, slightly lifting his head so
he can look at the other man and he clears his throat, “Um, can I ask you
something?”
“Sure,” Erwin answers simply, rubbing his hand up Bertholdt’s arm in a
reassuring manner.
Bertholdt hesitates before continuing, “Um, why do you want to be in a serious
relationship?”
“Do you not want to?”
“N-no it’s not that!” Bertholdt quickly corrects himself, “I just am wondering,
um, why now? Why me?”
Erwin lets out a deep laugh and then sighs in thought, “I’m getting older
Bertholdt. I’m tired of having meaningless relationships and I want to ‘settle
down’ so to speak. My job keeps me from being able to meet new people so it’s
been hard to find a serious partner,” he grips Bertholdt tighter to him,
jostling him lightly in a playful manner, “so why you? You’re very sweet, and
you’re very smart, and I think we get along well. Not to mention you’re very
good looking.”
Bertholdt blushes, burying his face back into Erwin’s chest making Erwin laugh
again, “why are you asking?”
Bertholdt shrugs, biting his lip and mumbling, “just wondering. Um, I like you
too.”
He knows it sounds lame after he says it, especially because Erwin is laughing
that deep smooth laugh of his again but he couldn’t think of anything else to
say. He wanted to tell him the truth and he wanted to make sure Erwin genuinely
liked him before risking everything, but after hearing Erwin talk about getting
older and wanting to settle down and how he hadn’t been able to meet new people
he instantly felt guilty and chickened out. Later, he told himself, he’d tell
him later. Annie would yell at him for stalling but he just couldn’t force
himself to do it.
 
On Monday Bertholdt was sitting with the guys during lunch, and Armin took the
opportunity to go talk to Annie alone.
He sat across from her, looking a little nervous, and she simply looked at him
in question, inviting him to talk.
“Have you heard?” He asked.
She quirks her brow, “heard what?”
Armin sighs, “There’s a rumor. I heard some people talking about it after Trig,
and then heading to lunch I heard it again.”
“What is it Armin?” She asks, getting impatient.
“Someone is telling everyone that Bertholdt is gay.”
“What?”
“That’s what I’ve been hearing,” he further explains, “everyone’s been talking
about it but I’m not sure where it started exactly.”
“Do you think Reiner?” She asks her voice trailing off.
Armin shakes his head, “no. He’s upset about it too. It’s someone else,
apparently, according to the rumor, someone saw him with some old guy at a
restaurant over the weekend.”
Annie just hums in response.
“Do you know anything about this?” He asks.
She sighs, “yeah. Bertholdt’s been seeing this guy named Erwin, he’s a little
older than us.”
“I knew something was wrong between him and Reiner,” Armin ponders while
looking down at the table seriously, “I mean they’ve been fine when we all hang
out together but you can tell…you can feel it’s not normal.”
“I know,” Annie practically groans, “but Bertholdt is pretty persistent about
being with this guy…at least until Reiner gets his shit together.”
Armin chuckles dryly, “who knows how long that will take. It seems like he just
keeps ignoring it. At least this is making him face it more, he seems pretty
upset about the rumor.”
“He’s probably just jealous,” Annie huffs, but Armin shakes his head.
“I don’t know. Anyway, I wanted to let you know, for Bertholdt’s sake,” she
nods in thanks and then he adds, “hey, Jean keeps talking about you.”
“Seriously?” She rolls her eyes, “Bertholdt said the same thing.”
Armin laughs nervously, “Yeah, I don’t know what that’s about either.”
 
Jean is walking to his last period; about five minutes late do to socializing
with some other kids for too long in between classes. He hurries, knowing he’s
already been late too many times. He’s rushing past the stairwell when he’s
suddenly yanked under it, a strong, but small, hand grabbing him by the arm and
pulling him towards them. He lets out a less than manly yelp, struggling to
regain his balance form the sudden force pulling him, and then he’s shocked to
see Annie standing there giving him a disinterested look.
“A-Annie?!” He practically yells.
“Shh,” she quickly quiets him, “I heard you were asking about me.”
He blushes, scratching the back of his neck and trying to avoid looking at her
directly in the eyes as she stared up at him, “Oh, uh, yeah, hah, um I was just
wondering –”
“Jean,” she cuts him off and he shuts up, letting his hand fall back to his
side. She grabs the collar of his shirt and pulls him down into a harsh kiss.
He’s shocked for a moment but then composes himself, smiling slightly into the
kiss before kissing her back. Steadily they begin to make out, pressed fully
against one another, and Jean suddenly doesn’t care that he’s late to class.
But then she’s pushing him away, “now shut up, alright?”
“A-alright,” he stutters dumbly as she begins to walk away, but then he calls
out to her again, “W-wait, Annie, uh, can I uh, get your number?”
She turns to look back at him, looking bored, and sighs, “Yeah, fine.”
 
The next day, directly after class Reiner heads to the locker room to get ready
for practice. They usually didn’t practice on Tuesday, usually it was just
Wednesdays and Fridays, but since the playoffs were coming up the football team
had added practice days. He’s getting changed at his locker, talking casually
with Jean and Marco, when something catches his eye.
“What the fuck is that?” He asks under his breath, hissing it out. Jean and
Marco stop to look at him, surprised and confused.
“What dude?” Jean asks and then follows Reiner’s line of sight. He turns, as
does Marco, and then they all see it.
Sketched into Bertholdt’s locker, big large black bold letters, ‘FAG.’
“What the fuck is that?” Reiner asks again, this time louder, getting the
attention of the other boys in the locker room.
He walks over to Bertholdt’s locker, attempts to scrub at the word, but when it
doesn’t come off or smear at all he whirls back around, fuming, “Who the fuck
did that?”
Everyone is just staring back at him, some of them not even sure what he’s
talking about, but the boys close enough to see just shrug.
“Seriously?” Reiner yells, fists balled to his sides, “one of you had to, which
one was it? Fucking tell me!”
“Reiner,” Marco says, trying to calm him down.
“No!” Reiner yells, “This isn’t cool! Who fucking did this?”
“Dude, Reiner,” another one of their teammates, Thomas, interjects, “it’s not a
big deal. Who cares?”
Reiner turns to look at him, face scrunched up in anger, “what did you do it?”
“What? N-no!” Thomas holds up his hands in defense, trying to defuse the larger
boy in front of him.
He grunts between clenched teeth, “you don’t just go fucking writing that shit
on people’s stuff!”
Thomas furrows his brows at him in confusion, “uh…dude, why do you care so
much?”
Reiner’s not sure why, maybe it was the slight change of tone in Thomas’s
voice, shifting to a little too light-hearted, a little too teasing. Or maybe
it was the accusing look in his eye as he stared at Reiner in confusion. Or
maybe it was his pent up anger towards everything else, towards himself,
towards the hateful words he’s had to listen to his father spew the past 18
years of his life, but Reiner snaps, he lunges forward, landing a fist square
to Thomas’s jaw.
 
Bertholdt doesn’t know why but he’s called into the guidance consoler’s office
before he can head home. He’s never been to the guidance consoler before, at
least not this particular guidance consoler. This guy specialized in dealing
with ‘troubled’ kids. He knew Jean and Eren often had to meet with him because
they got into fights so much, but why was he being called there?
When he gets to the office he is let in, and inside is sitting Reiner, another
kid he doesn’t know but who he recognizes to be on the football team, both of
their faces covered in bruises, and the guidance consoler himself.
“Sit,” Levi says. He insisted on being called by his first name by the
students. Something about being more accessible to the more rebellious teens,
because none of them would listen to anyone they had to call ‘sir.’ He was a
short man but that didn’t make him any less intimidating. Bertholdt had never
spoken to him himself but he’d heard stories and he’d seen him around the
school. He always looked bored or angry. Bertholdt sank into the chair next to
Reiner, looking between all three of the others, confused.
“Bertholdt, right?” Levi starts, and Bertholdt simply nods, “I called you in
here today because these two asshats got in a fight over you.”
Bertholdt looks over at Reiner in shock, but he’s ducking his head in shame,
not meeting his gaze.
Levi leans over his desk, scanning over the boys with tired eyes, “now, I don’t
care about the details,” he looks to Thomas, “I don’t know if you did it or
not,” and he glares Thomas into silence when the boy mutters out ‘I didn’t!’
then he looks to Bertholdt, “and I don’t care if it’s true or whatever.”
Bertholdt still doesn’t know what is going on and just looks at him in
confusion.
“I just can’t have you beating the shit out of each other,” he’s talking to
Reiner and Thomas now only, “don’t let this happen again or both of you wont be
playing the final games of the season.”
They both groan.
“Shut up,” Levi groans back, “you know better than to resort to fighting.
Something like this happens again and you tell me.”
Then Levi makes Thomas say sorry to Bertholdt, then makes Reiner say sorry to
Thomas, and then dismisses them, telling Bertholdt to stay behind.
Once the other two boys are gone Levi comes around his desk to talk to
Bertholdt. Bertholdt is still sitting in the chair, so Levi is looming over
him, leaning against his desk and looking down at Bertholdt seriously.
“W-what happened?” Bertholdt finally decides to ask.
“Someone, Thomas or someone else, wrote fag on your locker,” he answers flatly,
and Bertholdt is taken aback by how bluntly he says it, surprised to hear the
slur coming out of a school faculty members mouth, “now, like I said, I don’t
care if it’s true or not, but I want you to know that if anything like this
happens again, if you’re targeted again at all, you come and tell me. That shit
is unacceptable.”
Bertholdt simply nods and Levi pats him on the shoulder before dismissing him.
When he leaves the office Reiner is outside waiting for him.
“Hey,” he says, shifting awkwardly on his feet in front of the taller boy.
“Hey,” Bertholdt answers back, and then there’s a pause before he asks, “so you
beat up that kid because he wrote fag on my locker?”
Reiner purses his lips and nods, “yeah.”
Bertholdt nods back, sighing and then thinks for a moment, “thanks.”
Reiner smiles up at him, finally meeting his eyes, “no problem.”
“Um,” Bertholdt starts, scratching the back of his neck, “do you know how –”
“There’s a rumor,” Reiner tells him, already knowing what he’s asking, and he
clears his throat awkwardly, “uh, somebody said they saw you, uh, this weekend
at that village place…with, uh, Erwin.”
“Oh,” Bertholdt says quietly, feeling dread well up within his stomach.
Reiner sees the look of worry pass his face, so he reaches a hand out to touch
his arm, in a way that he hopes is reassuring, “hey, don’t worry, I got your
back alright?”
It is reassuring. Bertholdt feels instantly better with Reiner’s hand on his
arm as he smiles up at him telling him it’ll be ok. He smiles back down at him,
“thanks.”
Reiner gives him a playful pat on the arm before dropping his hand, “so, uh,
you and Erwin huh?”
He feels a little nauseous, desperately trying to keep the jealousy from
seeping into his voice as Bertholdt blushes and nods, “um, yeah.”
“Well, uh, that’s cool,” Reiner says, biting his lip and then motioning down
the hall, “you wanna walk home together? I got kicked outta practice for the
day so…”
Bertholdt smiles at him, “yeah sure.”
And as they walk home together he feels better than he’s ever felt, despite
everyone in the school spreading rumors about him and despite having ‘fag’
written on his locker, he feels good. He feels like he and Reiner might be back
on the same page again, and he feels like maybe even if it couldn’t work out
for them on a romantic level maybe he could at least get his best friend back.
Chapter End Notes
     *causally introduces Levi as a character* don't mind me~
     hope you liked it! thanks to everyone leaving comments and stuff, i
     love you all<3
***** Chapter 17 *****
Chapter Summary
     Bad jokes and a busted Bertholdt.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
When Reiner got home, despite his swollen cheek and cracked lip, he felt pretty
good. The walk home with Bertholdt was nice, and it was the first time they
hung out alone after everything that had happened between them and it didn’t
feel weird. There was a slight tightness in his chest knowing that Bertholdt
belonged to Erwin now, officially, but he tried not to dwell on it, instead
focusing on the feel of Bertholdt walking next to him, smiling and laughing at
his jokes. He wondered if Erwin was funny and if he could get Bertholdt to
laugh the way he did. Smirking to himself he thought probably not. Reiner was
pretty sure only he and Berik had ever heard Bertholdt’s embarrassingly loud
and quirky laugh that only came out once in a blue moon, but then he felt
bitter again, thinking back to the card Erwin had given him and realizing Erwin
had probably heard some sounds come out of Bertholdt that Reiner could only
dream of.
“Reiner.”
“Yeah Ma,” he tossed his book bag on the floor and toed off his shoes as he
entered the house. His mom didn’t work so she was home as he expected and it
was almost five now, which meant his father would be home soon too.
“You’re home early?” She asks as he enters the kitchen. He’s surprised to see
her standing in front of the stove, turned away form the boiling pot and
instead facing Reiner, watching him closely with her hands on her hips.
“Uh, yeah, practice was cancelled,” he mumbles, ducking his head and rubbing
the back of his neck.
She eyes his face closely looking at the bruises and reaches out a hand to cup
his cheek, “what happened to you?”
Reiner swats her hand away and fakes a laugh, “it’s nothing, just fooling
around with the guys, one of them hit me a little too hard, it’s no big deal.”
She continues to eye him sternly and his weavers under her gaze slightly,
“fooling around? What does that mean?”
He gives her a look like he’s confused by the question, which he is, he’s used
that phrase before so he doesn’t understand why now she’s nitpicking about it,
“you know, fooling around…?”
Crossing her arms she huffs, shaking her head and looking away from him, “I saw
you walking that boy home.”
Reiner looks to where she gestures at the windows on the side of the house, the
perfect angle to see right in front of Bertholdt’s home.
“Bertholdt?” Reiner asks, “Ma, you can say his name, you act like he’s a
stranger all the sudden.”
“He may as well be,” she shrugs coldly, “what were you doing with him? How’d
you get that mark on your face? What happened to your lip?”
She’s pawing at him again and he jerks away, “Ma! Christ, we just walked home
together! What the hell do you think?”
“I don’t know Reiner!” She yells back at him in an exasperated tone, “You say
you’re ‘fooling around’ and I see you with him and you come home with your face
looking like that!”
Reiner stares at her in disbelieve, gesturing to his own face, “You seriously
think I got this from ‘fooling around’ with Bertholdt? Ma, how do you think
homosexuality works?”
Her eyes go wide at his words and she physically recoils from them, head drawn
back in a sharp fashion, “what are you saying? You know from experience?”
“Ma, seriously?!” Reiner groans back, feigning annoyance to hide his true fear.
He knows she has no case though and is just being ridiculous and reassures
himself in his mind that there’s no possible way she could know, but he feels
anxious wondering why she was so paranoid to begin with.
He runs his hands over his face as he hears the front door open and close,
knowing that things are just about to get worse. Swiping his sweating palms
over his skin as if to wipe away his fear, replacing it with a nonchalant
smile, he rolls his eyes at his mom and looks to the hall, greeting his father
who just grunts at seeing them.
“Ralf,” his mom already begins, “Ralf look at your son’s face!”
His dad tosses his keys onto the counter, turning to look at Reiner and smiles
at him. He pats him on the shoulder, “what’d you do this time kid?”
“He was out with that Bertholdt boy!” His mom answers for him and Reiner sighs,
rolling his eyes again.
His dad furrows his brow, “what are you sayin’?”
She just shrugs and Reiner chuckles nervously, “Ma’s worried about something I
don’t know what! I got this messing around with the guys before practice, no
big deal!”
His dad looks between Reiner and his mom, eyeing her worried shaking figure and
then he eyes Reiner’s face again, “you shouldn’t be hanging out with that boy
anyway.” He simply says.
“We just ran into each other walking home,” Reiner explains, “we do live just
down the street from each other don’t your remember?”
His dad grunts, walking past him and heading towards the fridge. Reiner’s mom
eyes him coolly before mumbling, “I just think it’s suspicious is all.”
“Ma, I told you,” Reiner sighs again, “the only way he’d do this to my face is
if he punched me not kissed me.”
“Well I don’t know!” She yells and then Reiner’s dad is yelling over her.
“Hey! You shut it! No talk like that in this house,” he straightens himself out
from the leaning in the fridge to glare at both of them, “I told you not to
hang out with him anymore.”
Reiner just shrugs, mumbling, “I’m just saying gay doesn’t like rub off on you
or whatever.”
Reiner’s dad grunts, “Well if he does try to ‘rub off’ on you, you kick his ass
alright?”
“Jesus, Dad really?” Reiner groans, turning and heading up to his room to the
sounds of his mother yelling back at him to watch his language and that dinner
will be ready soon.
 
At school a couple of weeks later Bertholdt sat with Annie in the library,
trying desperately to get some last minute homework done. Spending his free
time with Erwin had really taken away from him being able to focus on his
studies and it was starting to show.
“Did you hear about the game?”
Bertholdt lifts his head to look up at Annie and raises his brow in question,
“you mean the final game?”
She nods, “Yeah, are you going?”
He sits up straight to look at her properly, a little surprised, “Are you?”
She shrugs, “Jean invited me.”
Bertholdt smiles, “but you hate going to school events.”
“Yeah well, it’s the first time they’ve made it this far in the season and,”
“You like Jean,” he cuts her off.
She purses her lips, “he’s tolerable.”
He laughs again, “it’s ok if you like him…he talks about you when we hang out.”
“Oh, god, I thought I told him to not do that anymore,” she says with a groan.
Bertholdt just smirks, getting conformation from her that Jean and her have
apparently been talking without him knowing. Jean asked him about her still
every once and a while when they hung out, just ‘did she mention me?’ or things
like that, and he had his suspicions.
Annie kicks him under the table lightly, “so are you going to come with me or
not? You still owe me for going to that party with you.”
He thinks for a moment, “maybe, I have to check and see if I have plans with
Erwin that night.”
She rolls her eyes, “you spend too much time with him.”
“What?” He blushes, “we are dating…”
“Yeah but you still haven’t told him.”
“I know, I know, I will ok?” grumbling he looks back down at his homework,
silently telling Annie the conversation was over.
She doesn’t take the hint, “hey maybe if he’s ok with it he can come.”
There’s a teasing edge in her voice and he knows she’s just joking and he
mockingly laughs back at her, “funny. Maybe I can bring him to prom too?”
“Well, I don’t know about that,” she chuckles, “I think there’s an age
restriction. Maybe you can sneak him in as a chaperone.”
He kicks her back under the table, “ok, that’s enough. I have enough rumors
going around about me dating a 50 year old.”
“Yeah I think I heard a good one about 50 Years of Gay or something,” she
snickers.
Bertholdt rolls his eyes, “hilarious.”
“So,” she switches back to a more serious tone, “yes or no?”
He sighs, “yeah, I’ll go.”
He really did want to go. The past few weeks had been sort of surreal for him.
He had been spending the weekends with Erwin, practically living at his house,
and was spending a decent amount of time after school hanging out with the
guys. He knew the big final game of the season was coming up and while he
hadn’t gone to any of the other games he knew it was kind of expected that he’d
go to the final one. None of the guys had said anything directly to him about
it but it was more like a general census that everyone would go. Plus he did
want to support Reiner. They had been having a game every week for the past
four weeks and he could see how much it was affecting the other boy. He knew he
was pushing himself incredibly hard and he was a little worried if he was
honest with himself. He asked him if he was still managing to keep up with
schoolwork to which Reiner said yes, but Bertholdt knew he wasn’t really one to
talk.
It was odd. After Reiner had gotten in that fight and walked home with him
things felt different again, and even though he was happy with Erwin he
couldn’t help but think about Reiner. Sometimes he swore he caught Reiner
looking at him the way he used to in the locker rooms but every time he looked
back he would be looking somewhere else, so he was sure it was all in his head.
They were being more civil with each other, they were before but more in a way
that they were simply ignoring what had happened between them, now it felt like
a mutual understanding that what had happened was over and done with and they
could move on.
Bertholdt didn’t know that Reiner was kicking himself for letting himself get
too casual with Bertholdt once more, feeling his emotions welling up in his
stomach all over again, but he kept pushing them down, knowing that even if
Erwin wasn’t in the picture it would be hopeless, especially after the out
burst at his parent’s. He couldn’t stop himself from looking at him though,
feeling guilty for keeping these feelings even though he knew they were wrong.
 
That weekend Bertholdt had spent Friday night at Erwin’s, telling his mom he
was at Annie’s (an excuse he’d been using a lot lately,) and Saturday morning
they decided to go grocery shopping. They woke up early and when Erwin realized
he didn’t have any food in his apartment he made Bertholdt get up, get a shower
with him and get dressed so they could go get some. Before going to the store
they stopped at a coffee shop to get some coffee and a muffin to hold
themselves over so now Bertholdt walked the isles of the store with coffee cup
in hand. It felt odd doing such a domestic chore with the older man but it was
kind of nice, even though he was still ridiculously tired.
Once again he wondered what they looked like together, doing such a mundane
task so early in the morning. It was a different grocery store than the one
Bertholdt’s mom went to. This one had only organic food and Bertholdt noted how
expensive everything was.
“Bertholdt,” Erwin pointed down the next couple of rows, “go down to isle B12
and get some tea and honey. It’s flu season so we should stock up. I’ll meet
you over there.”
Bertholdt nods and makes his way over to the other direction. When he gets to
the tea isle he’s a little taken aback. There were so many different kinds and
he wasn’t sure which kind Erwin wanted. There were the regular kind that were
in tea bags, some in fancy little boxes, and then there was fresh kind that
were in plastic containers that you could scoop the tea leaves out of and put
in your own bag. He wasn’t sure which kind Erwin liked, let alone if he wanted
black tea or white tea or green tea or what so he just stood there and stared
dumbly for a few moments.
“Bertholdt,” he turns when he hears his name being called by an unfamiliar
voice and he’s surprised to see Levi standing next to him, grabbing a box of
green tea, “what are you doing here? I never see students shopping at this
place.”
“Oh!” Bertholdt jumps in shock, ducking his head and subconsciously making
himself shorter in front of the small man, “um, just, uh, getting some tea.”
Levi hums, looking him up and down slowly, expression unchanging, “how is
everything? Any more problems?”
Bertholdt shakes his head and laughs nervously, “N-no, everything’s been fine,
except a couple of bad jokes…”
Levi nods, “good,” and then he’s looking past him, “Erwin?”
Bertholdt spins in shock to see Erwin wheeling the shopping cart up behind him.
“Levi,” he starts, a soft smile on his face, “long time no see.”
Bertholdt’s breath catches in his throat. They know each other? It was bad
enough that Levi was here and that Erwin could possibly see him but since they
knew each other that made things a million times worse. He prayed they wouldn’t
bother catching up and would just move on. Sweat began to build on his brow as
panic grew in his stomach.
“Doesn’t surprise me you shop here,” Levi mumbles, “you always spend too much
money.”
Erwin chuckles, “what are you doing here then?”
Levi holds up the box of green tea, “it’s the only kind I like.”
Erwin chuckles and then turns to Bertholdt, “Levi this is Bertholdt, Bertholdt
this is Levi, an old friend of a friend.”
“I know,” Levi says shortly, barely giving him enough time to finish his
sentence and eyeing Bertholdt curiously.
Bertholdt ducks his head.
“He’s a little young for you don’t you think?” Levi sneers, a playful smirk on
his face.
Erwin puts an arm around Bertholdt’s waist and smiles innocently back down at
Levi, “what is age but a number?”
Levi raises his eyebrows, shifting his gaze between the two tall men in front
of him, before landing on Bertholdt, “you know I had heard the rumors but I
didn’t think…ah well, never mind, it’s not my place to get in the business of a
student’s.”
And with that he left, patting Erwin on the arm briefly before walking off,
mumbling a ‘good to see you’ to Erwin and a ‘see you Monday’ to Bertholdt.
Bertholdt is already racking his brain for excuses when Erwin turns to him. He
could have gotten away with the lie of saying Bertholdt had known him from high
school years ago, assuming Erwin didn’t know how long Levi had been working
there, but Levi had to say ‘see you Monday’ and Bertholdt could feel the shift
of tension between them the second the words left his mouth.
“Bertholdt?” Erwin asks him, but it isn’t so much in a questioning tone as an
accusing one, and Bertholdt prays that he’s mistaken in hearing the hurt in his
voice.
He looks down at him and he wants nothing more than to disappear when he feels
tears pricking at the back of his eyes. He swallows hard and whispers, “I was
going to tell you.”
Erwin presses his thumb and index finger to the bridge of his nose, squinting
his eyes shut, “are you telling me…?”
“I’m sorry Erwin, I really am,” Bertholdt sputters out, “I was going to tell
you I swear.”
“Just go to the car. Let me pay for this and I’ll meet you out there.”
Bertholdt listens, feeling like a kicked puppy as he sulks out to the car. It’s
locked so he can’t get in and he just leans against it shivering in the slight
cold of the early weather. He sniffs and it’s partially from the cold and
partially from the tears beginning to fall down his face. Gripping the sleeves
of his jacket he wipes them across is face, holding his hands there to hide
himself from on lookers.
After a few minutes he hears the car door unlock and looks up to see Erwin
carrying over a couple bags. Bertholdt instinctively opens the door for him and
Erwin throws the bags in the back and then gets in the car, muttering for
Bertholdt to do the same.
It’s silent expect for Bertholdt sniffing occasionally and he feels pathetic as
his breath hitches in the quietness of the car but he can’t hold back, feeling
incredible shame and guilt at finally being caught.
“Bertholdt,” Erwin decides to speak, “tell me the truth. Are you or are you not
still in high school?”
Bertholdt bites his lip, desperately trying to find his voice and it takes him
a few moments before he can find the courage to answer, “y-yes.”
“Yes what?”
Bertholdt flinches, “I-I’m still in high school.”
Bertholdt can see in the corner of his eye Erwin tightens his hold on the
steering wheel, his knuckles turning white.
“So when we first met…how old were you?” He asks his voice sounding
suspiciously calm to the point where it was eerie.
“15,” Bertholdt answers.
Erwin takes in a sharp intake of breath, “and how old are you now?”
“18,” he answers simply again.
“Were you ever going to tell me?” He can hear a slight strain in his voice now.
Bertholdt nods rapidly, “yes! I swear! I just was waiting for the right time.”
There’s another moment of silence before Erwin sighs and mumbles to himself, “I
can’t believe this.”
“I’m sorry,” Bertholdt says weakly, staring down at his lap as his rung his
fingers together.
“Bertholdt do you understand the kind of trouble I could have gotten into?”
He’s speaks sternly but then he lets out a laugh, a sick chuckle of disbelieve,
“you were only 15! God…the things I did to you should not have been done to a
15 year old.”
“I’m sorry,” Bertholdt says again, and then finally turns to face Erwin for the
first time since they got in the car, “I-I’m 18 now though so it’s ok right? No
one has to know…”
Erwin shakes his head, “I don’t know Bertholdt…it doesn’t work that way.”
“But you said age was just a number,” he throws Erwin’s earlier statement back
at him, feeling desperation seep into his heart as he prayed Erwin wouldn’t be
mad, frantically hoping he could salvage their relationship and not wanting to
give up Erwin.
“That was before I knew I slept with a 15 year old,” he chuckles dryly, and
then adds as if more for himself than Bertholdt, “Bertholdt I am 20 years older
than you.”
“So?” Bertholdt meekly questions, “Before you thought you were only 17 years
older than me…what’s three years?”
“Three years is a big difference between consent and statutory rape,” Erwin
replies flatly, “Not to mention you lied to me not only then, which could have
gotten me into a lot of trouble, but also you lied now. I gave you alcohol. And
regardless of the legal issues you lied when I proposed a serious relationship
to you and let you into my life and home.”
Bertholdt ducks his head and his shoulders jerk slightly with a sob, feeling
like he was being yelled at by a parent but it hurt so much more. He felt
pathetic and useless and sick. All he wanted was to be happy and to feel loved
by someone but he fucked it up by lying, hiding something that in the end just
made it worse. He felt bitterness in his stomach, as he knew he shouldn’t have
been surprised. Of course he fucked it up, like he always did with everything,
and he knew he wasn’t meant to be happy. He didn’t deserve it anyway.
Erwin inhales sharply through his nose, “I’m sorry Bertholdt. I’m going to have
to think about this.”
Chapter End Notes
     Ahh sorry it took me a little while to update! I got a little caught
     up with Halloween and stuff. Hope you liked this chapter though!
     Thank you again to every one leaving kudos and comments, it really
     means a lot<3
***** Chapter 18 *****
Chapter Summary
     Erwin knows more about Bertholdt than Bertholdt knows about
     Bertholdt.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
It took Erwin a week to get back to Bertholdt, and Bertholdt had spent the
whole week miserable and sulking like a kicked puppy. He could only ever
remember being this depressed once before in his life, and he felt really
stupid when he thought about it because it was when he was 12 and his dad had
finally moved out. He remembered being so angry and confused that he refused to
leave his room or talk to anyone, even his mom. This wasn’t that much
different. He only left his room to go to school, because he had no choice, and
even then he avoided everyone. He didn’t sit at lunch with the guys; he sat
with Annie, but said nothing to her. She didn’t ask and he didn’t tell but he
figured she knew what was wrong anyway.
When he wasn’t at school he was home, locked away in his room, not answering
text messages (he didn’t receive a lot but Armin and Marco had each texted him,
and that was nice but Bertholdt didn’t have the energy to respond) and refusing
to do anything. He couldn’t bring himself to do his homework and whenever he
did feel like filling the void of emptiness he felt in his stomach with some
kind of distraction he couldn’t bring himself to do something even as simple as
watch a movie, which was surprising for him. Everything just made him feel
worse. He felt so guilty and ashamed he just wanted to curl into a ball and
disappear, and he did mostly that, opting to stay lying on his bed, most of the
time sleeping. For some reason he was more tired than usual and sleeping made
him feel better, although he always woke up sweaty and feeling worse than
before.
When Erwin did get a hold of him it was around dinnertime on a Sunday night, an
exact week from the Sunday they went grocery shopping. It’s a simple text
message, asking to meet him at the coffee shop in town and something about it
already makes Bertholdt feel uneasy. He takes the bus into town, bundling up in
his jacket and wearing the scarf Erwin had bought him. He hesitates before
putting it on, but in the end wears it.
Once he got to the coffee shop he walks in to see Erwin is already there,
sitting a table near the back with two coffee mugs. It’s late on a Sunday so
the place isn’t too crowded except for some college kids on their laptops
talking quietly amongst themselves. Bertholdt makes his way towards Erwin,
sitting down silently across from him. He’s already nervous, and suddenly he
feels hot under all his clothes, the change in temperature from going outside
to inside making it even worse, but he doesn’t want to remove his scarf or
jacket, feeling like if he did he’d be loosing a security blanket.
“Bertholdt,” Erwin starts, looking up at him with a tired expression, “how are
you?”
Bertholdt shrugs while keeping his gaze down at the table, and unable to find
his voice.
Erwin sighs, “I guess we should just get to it then?”
Bertholdt already knows what he’s going to say, he can see it in his face and
he can hear it in his voice. He bites at his lip, trying to will himself to
stay calm despite whatever happens.
“I’ve been thinking about this a lot,” Erwin takes a moment before explaining
and Bertholdt listens silently, “you’re a wonderful person Bertholdt but –”
Bertholdt lets his eyes fall closed, anticipating the blow.
“But – I don’t think this is going to work out. After everything that happened
I feel like it’s safe to say you may be too young for the type of relationship
I’m looking for.”
Bertholdt looks up at him then, feeling slightly offended, and desperately
wanting to defend himself, he sputters out, “I-I’m sorry I know I lied but –
but I was just worried because I like you so much and I wont do it again I’m
sorry I want a serious relationship too please I’m not too young.”
Erwin smiles sadly at him, “Bertholdt you’re very sweet, but I think you know
this isn’t going to work out. You’re graduating high school soon, which means
you’ll be going away to college. Do you really want to be in a relationship
with a 40-year-old man?” He chuckles a little to himself at that, but then
quickly gets back to being serious, “I think you need to ask yourself the real
reason you were interested in me.”
Bertholdt furrows his brow at that, not really understanding what he was
saying.
Erwin reaches a hand out to grip Bertholdt’s and he squeezes it lightly,
“you’re smart Bertholdt, you’ll figure it out,” then he pulls away and smiles,
letting out another chuckle to lighten the mood. He takes a sip of his coffee,
“plus, I feel a little odd about dating a student who is being taught by my
ex.”
Bertholdt looks at him with wide eyes, “Levi?” He questions.
Erwin smirks with a little shrug, “yeah. It was a while ago and it was more of
a fling than anything but still, it is a little odd. Small world isn’t it?”
“Levi isn’t my teacher,” Bertholdt absentmindedly informs him, even though he
knows it doesn’t matter. He’s surprised to find out they used to be in a
relationship together, and even more surprised to find out Levi is gay. He
never thought about the possibility that a faculty member at his school could
be homosexual but now that he thinks about it, it did make sense. Levi had
seemed to be more concerned than usual for Bertholdt’s case of bullying, and it
made sense now to know that Levi was gay and probably took personal offense as
well.
“Ah, well, whatever,” Erwin brushes off the information, “I’m sorry Bertholdt,
I really am. You’re a sweet kid. Just think about what I said and you’ll figure
it out alright?”
With that Erwin stands, putting on his jacket, and then leans over to
Bertholdt, placing a gentle kiss on his head, before delicately trailing his
hand through his hair and then pulling away, smiling sadly and wishing him
goodbye.
Bertholdt stays sitting in the coffee shop, the coffee Erwin bought him
remaining untouched. So this is what it feels like to be dumped? He thinks to
himself. He wanted to cry but was in public so he willed himself not to. He
wanted to leave but he was glued to his seat, feeling too numb to move.
Thinking to himself he repeats the words Erwin said to him, ‘ask yourself the
real reason you were interested in me.’
He thinks of all the reasons why he likes Erwin, and it just makes him sad.
About how he is kind, smart, and handsome and how he cared about Bertholdt and
wanted to be in a real relationship with him. A real relationship, Bertholdt
gets stuck on that phrase, thinking about how he was so angry with himself for
ruining that one chance. It was all he wanted. Something real, a real
connection with a real person deeper than that of an ordinary friendship or a
purely physical one. The past multiple years of his live had been voided of
that. Since Berik moved away and Reiner stopped being his friend he lost his
closest connection with anyone outside of his family. Then his father left,
forcing his mother to work out of the house constantly, so it really felt like
he had lost two parents at once. Ever since then he had felt so alone. He was
so tired of being alone. And now he had friends but it still felt lonely. He
didn’t know why he couldn’t shake this feeling but it wouldn’t leave him no
matter what.
It hits him suddenly that this is what Erwin is referring too. Bertholdt didn’t
like Erwin for Erwin, he liked Erwin because he wanted a relationship and Erwin
was willing to give that to him while no one else would. Erwin was right
though; it wouldn’t make sense with Bertholdt planning on going away to college
in a few months and Erwin wanting to ‘settle down.’ He feels pathetic and sad
thinking about it.
The feeling doesn’t leave him for the rest of the week. He goes back to school
the next day just as depressed as before. Part of him feels better since the
anxiety of not knowing is gone and Erwin had let him down easy, but he still
felt like shit after being dumped and realizing it was his own fault. He can’t
help but feel like no matter what the loneliness will never leave him, and even
though he hates it he continues to distance himself from his only friends.
It’s Levi that talks to him first, pulling him aside before Bertholdt can hide
in the library during his free period.
“Bertholdt,” he says sternly and Bertholdt is surprised see him, and he’s also
a little nervous. The halls are empty except them and he scratches the back of
his neck while ducking his head.
“Um, Hello Levi,” he mumbles.
Levi looks at him with disinterest before forcing out, “I guess it’s part of my
job as a faculty member here to apologize about last week.”
Bertholdt looks at him in shock and confusion.
“Technically I’m not supposed to get into a students private business. I
shouldn’t have said anything when I saw you with Erwin. That’s yours and
Erwin’s business. I shouldn’t have shared my opinion on it. It doesn’t make me
any better than the brats here who have been talking shit in the halls.”
Bertholdt shifts nervously from one foot to the other, “Um, it-it’s fine. Erwin
and I, uh, we broke up. He-he told me about you –”
“What?” Levi cuts him off, letting out a huff of disapproval, “He told you
about that?”
Bertholdt just nods.
Levi sighs, “guess there’s no point in hiding it then.”
He pulls out a pad and pen he had in his back pocket, something he always
carried around to write up reports whenever needed. Quickly scribbling
something onto the paper he hands it to Bertholdt.
“For emergencies only,” he says, and Bertholdt looks down to see a phone
number. He looks at the shorter man with wide eyes. Levi continues, “I know
what it’s like. I was openly gay in high school and it wasn’t always fun. There
are a lot of stupid people you have to deal with. You call me if you need help
or advise or whatever…” he awkwardly clears his throat, “I guess I owe you
after fucking it up with you and Erwin…”
“It wasn’t you…” Bertholdt mumbles back but it’s half hearted and Levi can tell
their run in at the grocery store had a lot to do with their break up.
“Whatever, just don’t hesitate to let me know if you get any more shit around
here. But remember, emergencies only. I don’t want to wake up at 3am to some
little drunk brat calling me.”
Bertholdt nods and puts the paper into his pocket, mumbling a ‘thanks.’
“That goes for Reiner too,” Levi adds.
“W-what?” Bertholdt stutters.
Levi rolls his eyes, “I knew when he got into that fight defending you.”
Bertholdt just nods, blushing intensely. Levi sighs, and they stand in silence
for a moment before he brushes past him, telling him to ‘get back to class or
something.’
 
Bertholdt’s absence didn’t go unnoticed by the guys at the lunch table. Armin
and Marco had mentioned they tried to contact him with no success and Armin
also mentioned how in Trig he had tried to talk to Bertholdt but the other boy
seemed distant.
“He looks so tired. I wonder if he’s ok,” the short blonde wondered during
lunch, “Reiner, do you know anything?”
Reiner looks up at him from his food and shrugs. He didn’t know and it really
bothered him too. He saw Bertholdt in the halls and noticed how he looked
different but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He was worried but he
didn’t know if it was his place to bother Bertholdt about it, plus Bertholdt
did look like he wanted to be left alone. It made him upset knowing he couldn’t
do anything to help, he could just talk to him, but his nerves got the best of
him, so he did nothing and worried in silence.
“His boyfriend broke up with him,” Jean says around a mouthful of food.
“How do you know?” Armin asked him. He remembered Annie telling him the rumor
about Bertholdt dating an older man was true but he hadn’t thought much about
it since.
“Annie told me,” he answers as he swallows.
“So Bertholdt did have a boyfriend?” Marco muses, “he never said anything…”
“Probably because of the rumors,” Armin tells him, knowing it to be true and
also just knowing Bertholdt was a private person to begin with.
“Wait,” Eren chimes in, pointing a finger at Jean across the table, “what were
you doing talking to Annie?”
Jean stares at him blankly for a second before shrugging, “I dunno we were just
talking and she mentioned it…”
Eren squints his eyes at him and the rest of the guys give him weary looks as
well.
“Ah, well, that explains a lot,” Marco brings the subject back to Bertholdt, “I
hope he feels better soon.”
Everyone just hums or grunts in response, going back to eating and talking like
normal. Reiner bites his lip. So Erwin broke up with Bertholdt? He feels like a
piece of shit for thinking it but he’s actually kind of happy to hear the news.
If he was honest with himself he was still incredibly jealous of the older man.
He couldn’t help feeling angry thinking about them being together, but he knew
it was fucked up to find relief in the fact that they broke up. Reiner ate the
rest of his lunch in silence.
 
On Friday Bertholdt is woken up disoriented and confused by a figure standing
over him. It’s dark in his room and he almost thinks it’s morning but then he
remembers he crashed into bed the second he got home from school so it was
probably just late.
“Wake up,” it’s Annie prodding at him, shaking his shoulder. He adjusts his
eyes in the dark and sees she has a lollipop in her mouth.
“Wha? What time is it?” He asks groggily, whipping the sleep form his eyes.
“It’s 7. Did you really sleep for 4 hours?”
“How did you get into my house?”
“Forget it, come on, get up, we have to go,” she urges, pulling at his arm and
making him sit up.
Bertholdt groans, “Where are we going?”
“The game is tonight remember? It starts at 8 so we have to go now,” she tells
him, turning to his dresser and pulling out random articles of clothing and
throwing them onto his bed.
Bertholdt yawns, picking up the clothes and looking at them and sighing. Leave
it to Annie to pick nothing that matched.
“I don’t think I’m going,” he says, scratching at his head and messing up his
bed head even more.
Annie turns back to him, “what? You said you would.”
He shrugs, falling back onto his pillow, “I don’t feel like it anymore…I’m
sorry.”
“Nonono,” she rushes forward to lift him up again with a huff, “enough of this
sulking. You’re getting up and you’re coming to the game and you’re going to
hang out with everyone and support your friends and have fun.”
Bertholdt groans again but listens, “alright, fine, just stop pulling at me.”
He really doesn’t feel like going. It takes almost all his energy to get out of
bed and get dressed. He’s so tired he feels like just putting on whatever Annie
has pulled out but even in this state he can’t bring himself to do that. He
pulls out his grey flannel and jeans and Annie lets him get dressed in peace.
In the car they drive in silence. Bertholdt is still feeling groggy from taking
a 4-hour nap in the middle of the day and he just wants to night to be over
already. He’s wearing his black pea coat and the scarf Erwin got him but he’s
still not looking forward to standing out in the cold to watch the game. He
knew Annie was right and that he should support his friends but he just didn’t
feel like being around people right now. The idea of standing in the bleachers
surrounded by a crowd of his classmates made him incredibly nervous already,
not to mention he was still feeling down in general.
They stop to get coffee to warm their cold hands before heading to the school
and when they get there they meet Armin who had saved them spots on the
bleachers. Bertholdt looks to the field and can see the teams standing on the
sidelines getting ready. He can barely make out who is who now that they all
have the same uniform on and are wearing helmets, but even with everyone
wearing shoulder pads he can still tell who Reiner is based on how much bigger
he is than everyone else. Number 14.
The game starts out slow but eventually gets interesting, even though Bertholdt
doesn’t really understand the rules of the game. Everyone around him is getting
really into it and their energy is fueling him. He begins to cheer with
everyone else, and even Annie cheers a little. It’s a close game and towards
the end tensions are high.
Bertholdt feels a little odd about the whole thing. It’s weird but he’s glad
Annie dragged him to come because he actually feels happy. He’s never felt the
rush before of being a part of something and cheering as a whole group. It
feels good and he actually feels happy.
He can’t keep his eyes off number 14 either. Subconsciously he watches his
back, looking at the number, knowing it’s Reiner, and watching him play.
Bertholdt had never seen Reiner in action before and it was kind of incredible.
Everyone was incredible really. Jean, Eren, Marco, they all were amazing. He
isn’t surprised when they win and the entire field bursts into a loud explosion
of cheers and yells. On the field Bertholdt can see the team huddled together,
all hugging and hitting each other playfully in excitement. Reiner throws off
his helmet and proceeds to get tackled by Jean and Eren right after. Bertholdt
feels a swell of pride and admiration in his chest.
It had always been Reiner, he thinks to himself, he had always looked up to
Reiner and admired him and watching him now made it more obvious to him than
anything. For the past two weeks he had been a depressed sulking mess and now,
watching Reiner and seeing him rolling around on the field smiling with his
friends, he was happy too. Erwin was right, he didn’t want a relationship with
him, he wanted a relationship yes, but he wanted a relationship with Reiner. It
had always been Reiner. The realization make him feel uneasy.
Chapter End Notes
     hope you liked this chapter! sorry it took me a little while to
     update, i'll try and get the next chapter out soon i promise!
     also i know it seems like i focus on Bertholdt a lot, but don't
     worry, Reiner's issues will be addressed soon enough.
     thanks again to everyone leaving comments! you guys are the best<3
***** Chapter 19 *****
Chapter Summary
     The first (and easiest) step of many.
Chapter Notes
     mentions of drug use in this chapter. nothing too wild though.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
After the game everyone was invited back to Jean’s house to celebrate the win.
Bertholdt wasn’t actually in the mood to go. He felt a little odd after his
self-revelation and he really didn’t want to be around Reiner. He was planning
on simply telling him congratulations and then heading home, but he couldn’t
get close to him in all the chaos on the field. Everyone was crowding around
him. He even got his picture with the local newspaper and his parents were
there too. Bertholdt recognized them when his dad came running onto the field
to pull Reiner into a big bear hug, ruffling his hair and patting him roughly
on the back. His mom ran over later in tears.
In the end Annie convinced him to go to the party, saying he had to at least
make an appearance to congratulate his friends, and since he couldn’t reach
Reiner at the school he gave in. The only reason he didn’t want to be around
Reiner was because now he felt little butterflies in his stomach just at the
thought of him all over again. Just watching him celebrate on the field made
him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He knew it was bad because he knew he was
only setting himself up for failure again. He knew that Reiner didn’t want a
real relationship with him when that was all Bertholdt wanted.
Reiner showed up late to the party because he was so busy talking to his
parents and the tiny local news reporters. They talked about his possible
scholarship for the big university in the city, and how after this win it was
most likely that Reiner would get it.
At Jean’s house Bertholdt felt incredibly anxious waiting for Reiner to show
up. Jean hadn’t invited everyone, only a couple of friends, so it wasn’t nearly
as crowded as one of his famous house parties. For some reason that put
Bertholdt on edge more than usual. He felt like a pathetic little kid with a
schoolgirl crush and his heart beat rapidly at the idea of talking to Reiner.
What made this so different? He had slept with him so he shouldn’t be afraid to
talk to him all the sudden. It was like he had been slapped in the face with
this sudden emotion that he couldn’t handle and it made him so angry that he
had fucked up so bad before. If only he had realized it sooner he could have
worked something out. Actually, he didn’t know if he really believed that. He
wanted to. He wanted to think there was some way he could get Reiner to want
him as more than just a ‘friend with benefits’ but he knew that probably wasn’t
possible. There was tightness in his chest as his heart beat fast thinking
about it. He would never be anything more to Reiner and now he didn’t think he
would be able to settle for anything less. As much as he wanted to stay friends
with him just to be with him, just like when they were kids and Bertholdt
couldn’t bare the thought of being away from him, the sinking feeling of
knowing Reiner didn’t feel the same way made him want to give up on everything
entirely.
“Hey!” Jean comes running down the steps. Everyone was sitting in the basement
in a makeshift circle on a ratty old couch and various folding chairs. They
usually didn’t hang out in Jean’s basement so Bertholdt wasn’t sure why they
were now. It wasn’t a nice basement, it wasn’t finished or anything, the walls
and floors were concrete and it was cold and smelled like mold and some other
scent Bertholdt couldn’t quite place. Bertholdt sat on a folding chair next to
the couch, where Annie sat on the armrest.
“Connie’s here!” Jean says, flopping down on the couch next to Annie, “and
Sasha.”
 Connie, a boy Bertholdt didn’t really know came down the steps after Jean,
followed by girl he also didn’t know that well but who he had seen in the
hallways at school. Connie was short with a buzz cut and was wearing a baggy
army jacket. Sasha was a cute cheerful girl with a high ponytail; Bertholdt saw
under her denim jacket that she was wearing a cheerleader’s uniform. Connie sat
on the floor opposite of Bertholdt, in front of the coffee table and in between
Eren and Armin who also sat on folding chairs beside the couch. Sasha sat
behind him, instantly lacing her hands around his waist and resting her head on
his back, mumbling, ‘sooo tired.’
“You’re tired?” Jean scoffs, “I feel like my legs are going to fall off.”
“Hey, cheering is hard too,” the girl grumbles, not lifting her head from
Connie’s back and just nuzzling her face into it further.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say,” Jean waves a hand at her and then smiles down
at Connie, “well?”
“Got you right here man,” Connie reaches into one of his large pockets, pulling
out a sandwich sized zip lock bag. He puts it on the coffee table and pours
some of the contents out, then pulls out a thin orange cylinder plastic
container. Bertholdt frowns as he watches. He had never smoked weed before and
he didn’t know that anyone of the guys did but everyone was acting like this
was a normal occurrence, completely unfazed by Connie splitting open the cigar
and spilling out the tobacco inside all over the coffee table, and then
replacing it when some of the fluffy green leaf instead.
“It’s been a while man, sure you guys are up for this? It’s good shit,” Connie
laughs, licking along the cigar as he rolled it up.
“Hell yeah man,” Jean answers, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his
knees, “I’m so fucking glad we don’t have to worry about random drug tests now
that the season is over.”
“Alright, let’s do this then.”
Bertholdt looks desperately over at Annie, but she ignores him. He knows that
she can feel him looking at her and there’s no way she can’t see him in her
peripheral vision, but she doesn’t acknowledge him. He doesn’t know what she’s
thinking but he really isn’t interested in partaking. He notices after Connie
takes a couple big puffs he passes it to Sasha behind him, who then passes it
for her left to Armin, but Armin just takes it and passes it to Marco, who’s
sitting on the couch, without taking a hit himself. He feels a little better
knowing that he wouldn’t be the only one not smoking.
When it gets to Annie Bertholdt is surprised to see her take two big hits. He
looks at her disapprovingly as she coughs out a cloud of smoke. Jean laughs
beside her, which earns him a rough shove against his shoulder, and then she
passes it to Bertholdt.
Bertholdt takes the blunt from her and looks her in the eye. She gives him a
pointed look, not breaking his gaze, and he knows she’s silently telling him
that, ‘even though I did it you don’t have to.’
He pauses briefly for a moment, planning to just pass it on to Eren when Jean
suddenly stands up, looking at his phone.
“Reiner’s outside,” he mumbles, jumping over the coffee table and almost
falling, which causes everyone to bust out laughing, and he heads to the steps,
“I’ma go get him. Be right back.”
Bertholdt stares at the burning paper and then decides ‘fuck it,’ and holds it
up to his lips, drawing in a long breath of air and promptly coughing it back
out again. Everyone laughs around him when he coughs but he’s to busy hacking
his lungs up to care. It burned a lot more than he thought and he wasn’t even
sure if he was actually inhaling it correctly but by the amount it stung his
throat he felt like he had to of at least gotten some of it.
He passes it to Eren, still letting out little coughs, and then looks to Annie.
She gives him a tiny smile, but doesn’t hold his gaze for long.
Bertholdt isn’t really sure why he did it, and he’s not sure why when it comes
around to him again he takes another hit, this time holding it in longer and
coughing a little less. He’s never had any interests in it before, he’s
actually been against it before, but he just wanted to try it. Maybe it would
help his heart stop beating so fast every time he thought about Reiner.
Jean comes down the steps with Reiner in tow, plopping down on the couch and
immediately reaching for the blunt, taking a couple hits to ‘make up for lost
time.’
“Jesus the seasons only been over for like two hours and you guys are already
getting stoned,” Reiner chuckles, sitting on the ground in between Bertholdt
and Eren. He looks up at Bertholdt briefly, giving him a little nod, before
continuing with the rest of the conversation. Bertholdt barely even registers,
not even sure if he nodded or smiled back but he’s looking down at him. He’s
still looking at him without out realizing and then he does realize. He’s
definitely staring and he shouldn’t be but he only looks away when Annie is
handing him the blunt for the third time.
He takes it and hits it again, then switches it in his hand to pass it to
Reiner. Reiner shakes his head at it so Bertholdt reaches over him to pass it
to Eren.
“Come on Reiner, relax a little, you deserve it!” Connie eggs him on.
Reiner just chuckles, “Nah, man, I still gotta worry about that scholarship so
I can’t risk coming up positive on a drug test.”
Bertholdt feels a little stupid knowing Reiner isn’t smoking. Why did he do
this again? Oh yeah, because his heart is beating really fast. Reiner is
sitting on the ground next to him and his shoulder is really close to his leg
and his heart is beating even faster. Shouldn’t this have made it slow down?
What did he know he never smoked weed before. All he knew was that his heart
was pounding incredibly hard and fast in his chest, so much that it hurt, and
his throat was so dry he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Everything was loud
too. Everyone was laughing and there was a little buzz in his ear that only
barely stood out against everyone’s booming voices. Annie is laughing too, and
she’s even leaning slightly against Jean, and he’s laughing and making some
joke that Bertholdt can’t even follow and then Annie is slipping off the arm of
the couch and forcing Jean over a little so she can sit next to him. Jean puts
an arm around her and Bertholdt watches, noticing how the chipped paint on the
concrete wall behind them seems to waver slightly. He shakes his head, feeling
dizzy. His heart is still pounding and the dryness in his throat is starting to
hurt to the point where he can’t swallow properly, or at least it feels that
way.
He hears Reiner’s voice before he can register the words he’s saying. Was he
talking to him? He looks down at him and the blonde is staring back up at him
with a soft smile. He looks so cute, Bertholdt thinks to himself, and lets out
a little giggle, which makes Reiner smile bigger. He can hear other people
laughing too but he’s not sure what they’re laughing at. Were they laughing at
him? He puts a hand up to his face and it feels hot. Was his face red? How high
was he? Was it obvious? Why was everything so loud? When was music put on? Was
that music or was it in his head? He couldn’t tell.
Placing a hand to his chest he becomes more aware of how fast his heart is
beating again and it makes him nervous. Was this normal? Should he be worried?
What if he’s allergic to weed? Could people be allergic to weed? Could people
hallucinate from weed because it really looks like the ground is moving? He
didn’t realize how quiet he had gotten, but Reiner is talking to him again, and
this time he can understand him.
“You ok Bertl?”
Bertholdt can’t even answer, just holds his hand to his chest feeling the
racing pattern of his heart beat for what felt like a whole ten minutes before
standing and mumbling, “I need some air.”
He rushes up the steps, stumbling in a haze onto Jean’s back porch and sitting
in one of the cold plastic chairs. It’s cold and he forgot his jacket inside
but he doesn’t really mind. He feels hot and the cool air is nice. He takes in
a sharp inhale of breath, leaning back into the chair and closing his eyes,
trying desperately to will his heart into beating at a regular pace.
His eyes jerk open when he hears a screech against the wood of the deck.
“Had to get outta there,” Reiner says, pulling up a chair next to Bertl and
sitting down. He hands Bertholdt his jacket wordlessly.
Bertholdt takes it and mumbles a ‘thanks’ but doesn’t move to put it on and
simply rests it in his lap.
They sit in silence for a moment and whatever progress Bertholdt had gotten on
his heart slowing down was gone now. It was beating fast again, so fast he
could swear Reiner could probably hear it.
“Didn’t know you smoked,” Reiner says after a little while.
“I don’t,” Bertholdt answers, “this is my first time.”
“Oh yeah?” Reiner chuckles, “how do you feel?”
Bertholdt stares straight ahead, looking off into the woods in Jean’s backyard,
peering into the darkness and letting his mind make little shapes within the
shadows. He shakes his head in response.
Reiner laughs more at that, “not feeling too good?”
He shakes his head again, “is my heart supposed to beat this fast?”
“Yeah that’s normal I’d say,” Reiner answers, sitting back in his chair and
looking up to the sky, “I never liked it myself really…that’s why I had to get
out of there. It was getting too smoky.”
Bertholdt keeps trying to swallow but he feels like he can’t. His throat is so
dry and the cold air isn’t helping. He puts a hand up to his throat massaging
it gently.
“I can’t breathe,” he says without realizing it, suddenly feeling panicked
again.
“What?” Reiner asks, turning his attention back onto Bertholdt.
Bertholdt starts coughing, trying to talk to explain but being unable to.
Reiner stands up, grabbing Bertholdt by his arm and pulling him up too. He
drags him back inside into Jean’s kitchen and guides him to lean against the
counter. Bertholdt stands there with his hand still to his throat, head
spinning from coughing so much and feeling like he may puke if he coughs any
more. Reiner gets him a glass of water with ice and hands it to him.
“You probably just got cotton mouth,” he tells him as Bertholdt drinks the
water greedily.
Reiner stands in front of him just waiting and watching and Bertholdt holds the
cold glass in two hands, looking down at the ice sitting at the bottom melting.
He still feels weird and the paranoia hasn’t left him at all. Reiner’s presence
isn't helping neither. He was so stupid. Why did he do this? He let his nerves
get the best of him and decided to smoke when he didn’t know the effect it
would have on his body. Reiner said it was normal but he didn’t feel normal at
all. He felt light headed and dizzy and his chest was tight and everything felt
hazy.
“I don’t like this,” he mumbles, more to himself than to Reiner.
“What’s wrong?” He hears Reiner ask.
Bertholdt shakes his head, “I don’t – I don’t think my heart should be beating
this fast. I think I’m going to have a heart attack.”
He says it before thinking but once the words leave his mouth he starts to
panic even more. Oh god, what if he was really having a heart attack? Did his
left arm hurt? He couldn’t tell. Reiner takes the glass from his hands just in
time before Bertholdt leans forward, bracing his hands behind him on the
counter and taking deep rushed breathes.
“Bertl,” Reiner says to him, placing the glass on the counter and putting a
hand on Bertholdt’s back, “it’s just weed, you’ll be fine. You’re just not used
to it.”
He’s talking really calmly, with a little chuckle in his voice, but Bertholdt
still doesn’t believe him. He keeps shaking his head, grabbing at the collar of
his shirt and tugging, feeling incredibly hot.
“Bertl,” Reiner says again, grabbing him by his shoulders and turning him so
he’s facing him, “you’re fine. Just calm down. Breathe normally. It’s only
weed. You’re not going to have a heart attack.”
Bertholdt nods, looking at Reiner square in the eyes as he stared back at him
sternly. It only takes him a moment before he’s shaking his head again though,
dropping it forward with a tiny sob.
“Bertl?” Reiner asks concerned and confused.
“I’m sorry,” Bertholdt says, shoulders shaking under Reiner’s grasp, “I’m sorry
I’m so stupid.”
“What?”
“I shouldn’t have done this. I don’t like this at all. I’m so stupid. I’m such
a fuck up. I fuck every thing up. I fucked it up with you I fucked it up with
Erwin, I can’t do anything right. I’m going to be alone forever. I’m meant to
be alone I know it. I’m dumb and I’m selfish and I’m a piece of shit and I ruin
everything and no one could ever love me.”
He’s speaking really fast and Reiner almost misses most of what he’s saying. He
looks behind him towards the basement door, making sure no one is coming up the
steps to check on them. Bertholdt is shaking slightly, his head is still ducked
down so Reiner can’t see his face, and he’s letting out little whimpers past
huge puffs of air as he sucks them in greedily.
“Bertl please breathe normally you’re going to make yourself hyperventilate,”
Reiner pleads with him, starting to panic himself. He lifts Bertholdt’s chin up
and holds his face in his hands. He did feel rather hot. Bertholdt closes his
mouth and starts to breathe out his nose but still in rushed inhales and
exhales.
“Bertl calm down,” Reiner keeps talking, “you’re not a fuck up. What are you
saying?”
Bertholdt tries to shake his head but he can’t in Reiner’s grasp, “y-yes I am!
I ruin everything. I’m so stupid!”
“Bertholdt stop!” Reiner cuts him off, “You’re not stupid.”
Reiner doesn’t really know what else to say. He wants to say a lot more, like
how Bertholdt is really smart and how Reiner really likes that about him and
how he is the stupid one, but he can’t bring himself to. He knew he shouldn’t
have followed Bertholdt outside but he’s glad he did a little bit. He didn’t
know what Bertholdt would be doing if he was having a panic attack alone, but
the other part of him still knows it’s a bad idea for him to be around
Bertholdt alone. The win had put him in a good mood and he was even happier
knowing Bertholdt had been there and came to the party afterwards even though
Bertholdt didn’t usually like to. It was nice having his parents there and
cheering for him but they were always there. It felt different knowing
Bertholdt went out of his way to see him, especially after Bertholdt had been
so depressed from getting dumped by Erwin.
Reiner just felt angry thinking about that. He was jealous before but now he
was angry that Erwin had hurt Bertholdt’s feelings and was making him talk like
this. Sure part of it was the panic from the weed but Reiner knew Bertholdt
wouldn’t be calling himself a fuck up if it weren’t for Erwin.
“Bertholdt forget about that guy ok?” Reiner tells him, speaking without
getting clarification first, “You’re a great guy alright? You’re not stupid and
you’re not a fuck up.”
It’s hard for Reiner to say, not because it isn’t true but just because it
hurts. He wishes he could prove it to Bertholdt but he can’t.
Suddenly Bertholdt’s lips are on his, clashing roughly onto his mouth with a
tiny whimper. Reiner takes a moment to register, and it takes all his might to
not give into the touch. He wants to so badly but he knows it’s wrong. He knows
Bertholdt is just panicking and only clinging onto him because he’s there and
helping and he knows Bertholdt is on the rebound and doesn’t really feel that
way about him.
“Bertholdt…” he whispers, staring as Bertholdt covers his face in shame.
“I’m sorry,” Bertholdt mumbles into his hands, letting out a shaky breathe, “I
don’t know why I always have to do that. I’m so dumb. I’m sorry I can’t help it
I know you don’t feel that way about me…”
He takes another deep breath and drops his hands, but keeps his head down so
he’s not looking at Reiner, “I just – I just always do that. I’m fucking
pathetic,” he bites his lip and holds his arms around himself, “I-I just feel
so alone all the time.”
Reiner can tell he’s crying now even though he can’t see his face properly. He
looks back to the basement door again before turning to grip Bertholdt’s
shoulders once more.
He thinks hard before speaking, “You aren’t alone Bertholdt, please don’t say
that. No matter what I’ll always be your friend, ok? I’ll always be by your
side. You aren’t alone, ok?”
Bertholdt shakes his head, like he’s disagreeing, and still wont look at him.
Reiner gulps. He knows Bertholdt is desperate and feeling alone but he can’t
just let him go on thinking that it’s his fault. He grips Bertholdt’s face
again and forces him to look at him once more, “Bertholdt I swear. You are not
a bad person. You’re a great person, ok? I always thought you were a great
person. You’re smart and you’re funny and you’re kind. And you’re really
fucking sexy. No, I mean, ah, you’re really good looking. Erwin was really
lucky to have you and I hate to admit it but I was jealous. You’re too good for
me.”
Bertholdt has calmed down a little bit and he sniffs. After a moment of silence
and Reiner panicking a little himself Bertholdt looks to him with glossy sad
eyes, “if you like me so much why wont you be with me?”
“W-what?” Reiner is taken aback by the question and drops his hands;
straightening his back more to look at Bertholdt in confusion.
Bertholdt’s breath hitches in his throat a little as he continues talking, “I-
I like you. You know that right? And if you like me…why wont you be with me?
I’m not good enough right? You don’t want everyone to know you’re in a
relationship with me?”
Reiner’s jaw drops, “Bertholdt I didn’t know –”
Bertholdt laughs bitterly, “Reiner I slept with you.”
“I just thought,” Reiner pauses, “I didn’t think it meant anything to you…I
didn’t think…I didn’t think you’d be interested in me after being with a guy
like Erwin.”
“Erwin was a mistake. I just didn’t want to be alone,” Bertholdt scoffs,
looking at Reiner seriously again, “I was using him to get over you and it
didn’t work.”
“Bertholdt I –”
“But, it doesn’t matter, even though you say you like me you don’t really mean
it, right?” Bertholdt spits.
“No Bertholdt that’s not it,” Reiner tries to reassure him.
“Then what Reiner? You just want to fuck me no strings attached? Fine. That’s
all I’m good for anyway,” Bertholdt turns away from him, feeling his eyes well
up with tears again.
Reiner grabs his arm and spins back around, tugging him more roughly than he
intended into a hug. Bertholdt fights against it at first but Reiner holds him
tightly and shushes him.
“Bertholdt I want to make you mine so badly but I just can’t. I’m so sorry.”
Bertholdt shakes with a sob in his arms, “why?”
Reiner takes a moment to respond, struggling to find his voice as he felt his
own eyes getting wet with tears, “I-I’m so afraid Bertholdt. My parents…they…I
don’t know what they’ll do if they find out.”
Bertholdt pulls away to look at him in the eyes and Reiner lets him.
“What?”
Reiner looks away, “they can’t find out I’m gay. They’ll kill me. I know it. If
everyone knew and they some how found out…”
Bertholdt cuts him off with a kiss. It’s desperate and pleading and Reiner
sinks into it. Bertholdt whimpers over his lips again and Reiner swallows it,
pulling Bertholdt closer.
“That’s why you wanted to keep it a secret?” Bertholdt whispers when he pulls
away.
Reiner nods.
“You should have told me. I didn’t know.”
“I didn’t think you liked me anyway,” Reiner lets out a small chuckle.
“You’re stupid,” Bertholdt laughs back.
They stand holding each other like that for a while, foreheads pressed together
and feeling each other.
Reiner breaks the silence, “does your mom know?”
Bertholdt shakes his head slightly, “no, but it’s not hard to keep a secret
from her when she’s never home anyway.”
Reiner just hums in response.
“It’s ok,” Bertholdt tells him quietly, a little unsure, “I’m willing to figure
this out if you are.”
Reiner gives him a small smile, “ok.”
They give each other one last kiss before finally heading back into the
basement. Marco, Jean, and Annie are sprawled on the couch, with Annie leaning
heavily on Jean, and everyone else has moved from the folding chairs to the
floor. There’s some scary movie playing on the shitty tv and Reiner and
Bertholdt take a spot on the floor to the right of it. No one asks them where
they were or what they were doing and no one comments on how they sit next to
each other.
Chapter End Notes
     hope you liked it. i think i saw something somewhere with connie and
     sasha being a stoner couple and i liked that idea although i cant
     remember if it was a fic or fanart or what haha. thanks for reading
     and thanks to everyone leaving comments and stuff, it means a lot<3
***** Chapter 20 *****
Chapter Summary
     Alone in Bertholdt's room is the only place where they can be
     themselves.
Chapter Notes
     Longer chapter. Dunno if that's good or bad haha.
     Also, probably should have mentioned this before, sorry, warning for
     slurs and hateful words and such, but you all probably realized that
     already.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Reiner got the scholarship. The university was located in the city; about an
hour away form their suburban town. Reiner talked about college a lot. He was
really excited to go. He said he wished he could go somewhere farther but he
was happy with the college that picked him nonetheless. Bertholdt didn’t know
what he wanted to do yet. He was smart in all subjects but didn’t really have a
passion for anything in particular. He sort of envied Reiner for already having
a plan for himself, even though it was still early in the year Bertholdt felt a
little stressed about not knowing.
“Come with me,” Reiner told him.
“To the city?” They were in Bertholdt’s room, lying on his bed side by side on
their backs, barely fitting on it.
“Yeah, why not?” Reiner flips over, so he’s on his stomach, and he throws an
arm over Bertholdt’s stomach and rests his face on his shoulder, “If you don’t
have any other plans I mean. You can go for business or something.”
Bertholdt hums, staring hard at the ceiling and putting a hand over Reiner’s
arm, stroking it lightly. Since the game, since they started dating, Reiner had
been coming over Bertholdt’s house after school. Well, sneaking into
Bertholdt’s house. After the first incident with Reiner’s mom seeing him and
Bertholdt walking home from school, Reiner started having to go into
Bertholdt’s house by the side door. Before when they were just tutoring Reiner
didn’t have to worry about it, but now it was different. Now she knew Bertholdt
was gay and his parents would be on the look out since they didn’t want him
being around him. It was a little stupid sneaking around but it had to be done
just incase she happened to be home and looking out the window. That was the
most frustrating part about having to live so close together.
Reiner lifts his head up a little, giving Bertholdt a tiny kiss, not lifting
his head up enough to catch his lips completely but landing just short at the
corner of his mouth.
“Come on, it’ll be fun. We can live in the city together and we wont have to
worry about sneaking around.”
“Yeah,” Bertholdt smiles. They hadn’t told anyone, but if any of their friends
noticed how they’d been acting different they didn’t say anything. Bertholdt
knew they probably knew without them even having to say anything. He hoped they
were smart enough to keep it on the down low without having to be asked.
Being in Bertholdt’s home was the only real place they could be themselves, but
only for a few hours. Reiner had to be home for dinner every night. They
wouldn’t bother him about not coming home from school right away, since he was
either training or out with friends, as long as he came home on time for dinner
on time. It gave Reiner and Bertholdt two to three hours alone to themselves.
On the weekends they went out with everyone else like usual, and then would go
back to Jean’s like always, since his parents were always gone on the weekends,
but that still meant they had no alone time. Even though they knew it wasn’t a
big deal to their friends they still didn’t want to be too obvious. Sometimes
they snuck off alone but they tried to keep that to a minimum.
Even as more time passed they still hadn’t done anything physically. Despite
having sex before they both agreed to take it slow this time, since now it was
real. The most they did was make out, and they made out a lot, and sometimes
that lead to roaming hands and dry humping, but they always cut it short and it
never went past that.
At school it was hard to act normal around each other. Since they were newly
together they wanted nothing more than to just be around each other and touch
each other, but obviously that wasn’t possible. They did start sitting next to
each other at lunch, and they did start walking together in the halls more,
usually meeting early before classes started, talking amongst everyone before
Reiner walked Bertholdt to his class and they were forced to part. And even
though the football season was over, the track season was just starting to do
some more serious training for theirs to start, so when Reiner stayed after to
train by himself he was able to hang out with Bertholdt before walking home
together.
If they weren’t so love struck they would have noticed the stares or the
whispers.
At first it was easy to miss, even their friends didn’t notice, but then the
whispers got louder, and the stares more deliberate. Reiner feels eyes on his
back as he walks down the hallway with Bertholdt. At first he doesn’t know why
but after saying goodbye to Bertholdt as he gets to his class he hears it.
There’s a cough, covering the unmistakable murmur of the word ‘fag,’ and then a
chorus of laughter. Luckily, Bertholdt had already gotten into the classroom
before he could hear anything.
Reiner turns around, eying the faces of the crowds of students to see anyone
looking suspicious.
“Who said that?” He calls out to no one. Of course he gets no response. He
continues to look around threateningly, daring someone to speak up, and when
nothing happens he keeps walking.
Later, he hears it again, this time in the locker room. He had been lifting
weights in the schools gym provided for the football team in the off season,
and he came back to the locker room a little bit before the track team had
finished their practice.
“Can’t believe we have to share the locker room with that fuckin’ fag,” one
voice.
Reiner turns around, having just finished throwing on a clean shirt, and looks
between the rows of lockers to see two members of the track team coming into
the locker room. Reiner doesn’t know them personally, and one of them is
already pulling his shirt over his head so Reiner can’t see his face, and at
the angle he’s standing they can’t see him.
“Yeah, shouldn’t there be, like, rules against that or something?” The other
one says back, just as they’re passing the row of lockers Reiner is standing
behind.
Reiner grabs his shirt, pulling him towards him and shoving him against a
locker.
“What did you say?” He yells in his face.
“Jesus dude, fuck!” The kid coughs back, having the wind knocked out of him
from being so forcefully slammed against the cold metal.
“Oh shit,” Reiner hears the other kid stutter behind him but he doesn’t pay
attention to him. He just lifts the skinny kid in his grip up so he can shove
him against the locker again.
“You better watch your mouth,” he hisses in his face, “If I hear you talking
about Bertholdt again I’ll kick your ass.”
The kid coughs again, weakly gripping at Reiner’s wrists, “I wasn’t – talking –
about – him,” he says between coughs.
“The fuck you were,” Reiner retorts, emphasized with another slam before Reiner
drops him, letting him fall to the ground.
“Shit! Fuck, dude!” He lands on his knees gripping his throat as Reiner loams
over him. Then, with another cough, he looks up, giving Reiner a dirty look, “I
was talking about you.”
Reiner’s eyes go wide, taking a moment to register. He hears the kid behind him
say an, ‘oh fuck’ and run out of the room before Reiner lunges forward, pulling
the kid up by his collar again and landing a punch in the face, tossing him
back on the floor with a bloody nose.
It lands Reiner another visit with Levi, without even a chance to see Bertholdt
to explain, and this time it isn’t just him and the kid he hit. He’s in the
office, sitting in one of the chairs in front of Levi’s desk, and standing
behind him are his parents.
“This is the second time Reiner’s been in a physical fight this semester,” Levi
tells them, and Reiner notices he cleans up his language in front of his
parents, “I’m sorry to bother you with this but now that he has that
scholarship if it happens again it could get in the way of that, so that’s why
I had to call you in.”
Reiner’s dad grunts behind him and Reiner can feel his cold gaze aimed at the
top of his head.
“It wont happen again,” Reiner’s mom speaks, “Right Reiner?”
Reiner just nods, mumbling a ‘Yeah.’
Levi looks at her briefly and hums in response before looking back to Reiner,
“I’ve talked about this with him before. I get it Reiner, I know you were
provoked and you were just trying to defend your friend and that’s good, but in
the record you’re the one being seen committing acts of violence.”
Reiner nods and is about to apologize when his dad speaks, “What do you mean?”
Levi looks up to him, “What?”
His dad grunts again, “If he was provoked – doesn’t that matter?”
Levi shrugs, “Sometimes details like that don’t matter in the record. Even if
he is fighting for a good reason it still shows he has violent tendencies, and
a lot of colleges will drop scholarships for that. Although, as a faculty
member I have to say there is no good reason for fighting, and I told Reiner
when this happened last time – to tell me and not resort to violence.”
“This happened before?” Reiner’s mom asks.
“One of our homosexual students has been getting harassed and Reiner has been
defending him – yes,” Levi answers like it’s the simplest thing in the world.
He barely notices Reiner’s look of pleading by the time he’s finished speaking.
Reiner flinches as a heavy hand is placed on his shoulder.
“Let’s go,” his dad says gruffly. Levi eyes them curiously as they go.
The car ride home is mostly silent, but there is thick tension in the air and
Reiner is just waiting for one of them to say something.
It’s his mom who speaks first, in a quiet hushed voice, “I knew it Ralf.”
He says nothing in response, just grips the steering wheel tighter and it says
quiet for the rest of the ride.
When they get home Reiner attempts to make a B line right for his room, but
just as he’s heading for the stairs his dad’s booming voice is calling out to
him.
“Reiner you get back here!”
Reiner groans, turning on his heel and going into the living room to
reluctantly face his dad.
“It’s that Bertholdt boy isn’t it?” His mom frantically asks over his shoulder
from the entry way to the kitchen.
“Ma,” Reiner starts.
“Reiner you tryin’ to lose your scholarship over this kid?” His dad cuts him
off.
Reiner doesn’t know how to respond. He bites his lip.
“Huh, Reiner?” His dad keeps egging him on, “Is that it? You’re tryin’ to throw
your future away for some fag?”
When Reiner still doesn’t say anything his dad continues to taunt him, stepping
closer as he does, “Huh, Reiner? Is that what you want?”
Reiner shakes his head; his dad now just inches away from him, weakly mumbling,
“No.”
“Then you better fucking shape up,” he spits in his face, “If I hear anything
about you and that boy again – so help me God.”
Reiner gulps, deciding to try and defend himself, “I was just trying to help
him out.”
“I don’t fucking care Reiner,” his dad says quickly, “You really think that’s
worth it? Loosing your scholarship – your future – just to help that fucking
fruit out?”
“I just thought –”
“Well cut it out!” He gets cut off again, “I’m not going to tell you again. Now
go up to room.”
Reiner nods curtly before heading to his room, feeling like a little kid all
over again, only worse. He flops down to his bed, taking out his phone for the
first time to see a bunch of text messages from Bertholdt. He quickly sends one
in response, ‘Got into trouble at school. Parents picked me up. Tell you about
it later.’
It doesn’t take long for Bertholdt to text him back, ‘tell me later tonight?’
Reiner furrows his brow in confusion, looking at the text knowing Bertholdt
can’t mean through phone call because they never talked on the phone in case
Reiner’s parents over heard. He sends him a question mark in response.
‘Come over tonight. Mom’s a heavy sleeper. I’ll let you in through the side
door.’
Reiner smiles to himself as he sends conformation, ‘Yeah I think I can sneak
out.’
He knows it’s risky after what just happened, but he’s so upset about it that
he doesn’t care. He just wants to forget, forget them and everything else and
just be with Bertholdt. It was worth the risk he decided.
 
It’s not hard for Reiner to sneak out. He’s done it before, to hang out with
the guys, but not since freshman year. His mom always goes to bed at ten and
his dad always goes to bed at midnight, same time every night, so he knows what
to expect. He waits an hour to make sure his dad is definitely sleeping before
making his way quietly down the steps and out the back door. Then he loops
around the backyards of the two houses in between his and Bertholdt’s before
creeping up the side of Bertholdt’s home. When he gets to the side door
Bertholdt is there waiting.
“Hey,” he whispers as he approaches.
“Hi,” Bertholdt whispers back with a smile, then grabs his wrist and leads him
inside, shutting the door quietly behind him.
They creep up the steps, keeping close so if any footsteps are heard it still
sounds like only one pair, and make their way to Bertholdt’s room. Once inside
and door shut and locked behind them Reiner turns Bertholdt around so he can
kiss him. Bertholdt smiles into the kiss and without breaking it he starts
walking backwards, leading them both to his bed.
As gently as possible, to not make any noise, he leans back on the bed,
grabbing Reiner’s shoulders and pulling him down with him. Reiner lies on top
of him, keeping his mouth on his, kissing him in a slow fashion, letting their
tongues mingle and dance to simply savor the taste of the other.
“How are you?” Bertholdt whispers between swipes of tongues.
“Better now,” Reiner mumbles back over his lips, not wanting to loose contact.
Bertholdt smiles, brings two hands up to cup his face, and pulls away, “So,
what happened today?”
“Oh,” Reiner breathes, almost forgetting the reason he was here to begin with.
He lets his body weight fall, so he’s resting more on Bertholdt, but makes sure
to shift his weight so half of it is on the bed and half of it is on Bertholdt,
so he doesn’t crush him, “I got into another fight.”
“Again?” Bertholdt furrows his brow, letting a hand travel up to Reiner’s head,
which rested on his collarbone, and stroke his hair, “What was it this time?”
Reiner sighs, “Same thing as last time.”
“Oh,” is all Bertholdt can think to say in response, and Reiner feels sad when
he feels the hand on his hair stop moving.
“Only it was directed at me this time,” he clarifies, hoping it will make
Bertholdt feel better.
“Oh,” Bertholdt says again, and Reiner can hear the tension in his voice.
“It’s fine,” Reiner says, trying to reassure him, even though he knows it isn’t
fine.
Bertholdt drops his hand to his side and turns his head away from Reiner.
Reiner lifts himself on his elbow so he can look Bertholdt in the face.
“What’s wrong?” He asks.
Bertholdt pauses, biting his lip, before answering, “I don’t want you to get in
trouble because of me.”
“It’s fine,” Reiner says again, “My parents were pretty pissed but they’ll get
over it.”
Bertholdt looks back at him then, looking more concerned than before, “Your
parents?”
Reiner breaks his gaze, shaking his head slightly, “They don’t think anything
of it.”
“Are you sure?”
Reiner nods, “Yeah. They told me, uh, they told me not to defend you anymore,
but they just think I was being nice. They don’t think – they don’t think I’m
gay.”
Bertholdt stares at him for a moment, thinking and watching Reiner’s face as it
scrunches up in discontent. He wasn’t sure if he believed him, and Reiner
wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t because he wasn’t even sure if he believed
himself. He thought he was convincing enough, assuring his parents that he was
only trying to be a nice guy, and that there was nothing else going on between
him and Bertholdt, because they had no reason to think otherwise, right?
“It’s fine,” Reiner says, and he’s beginning to feel like a broken record,
“They don’t suspect anything. They just don’t want me to be hanging out with
you.”
“Right,” Bertholdt says, bitterness dripping from his voice.
“I’m sorry,” Reiner says instantly, feeling sick that he has to say it, and
hating that Bertholdt has to hear it.
“It’s ok,” It’s Bertholdt’s turn to reassure him now, and he forces a smile.
Reiner smiles back, giving him a tiny peck on the lips before burying his face
into the crook of his neck and inhaling deeply, “You smell good.”
“No I don’t,” Bertholdt laughs.
“Yes you do.”
“No, I sweat a lot in my sleep. I probably smell bad.”
Bertholdt feels Reiner smile against his skin, “I like it.”
“You’re crazy,” Bertholdt says, letting out a little breathy laugh when Reiner
starts placing kissing on his neck.
“Probably,” Reiner mumbles over his skin, moving up to his ear as Bertholdt
turned his head to give him better access.
Bertholdt tugs at the back of his hair, reluctantly pulling him away.
Reiner looks at him questioningly, “What’s wrong?”
“I just,” Bertholdt pauses, trying to collect his thoughts, “I don’t want you
getting in trouble because of me.”
“I know Bertholdt, I said it’s f –”
“It’s fine, I know,” Bertholdt cuts him off, tired of hearing it, “It’s just –
do you really mean it? Like, that you want me to go to college with you?”
“Yeah, of course,” Reiner tells him, offering him a smile, “Bertholdt I spent
the whole first semester obsessing over you and now that we’re together I don’t
want to give that up just because we’re going to different schools – unless you
want to go somewhere else of course.”
“No, it’s not that,” Bertholdt responds, “It’s just – your parents.”
Reiner groans, “Forget them, please. I don’t want to think about. We can go to
college and be away from them, for at least a little bit,” he sighs sadly,
resting his head back in the crook of Bertholdt’s neck, “I wish we could be
away from them forever. No, I wish we could be away from every body. I wish it
was just us, here, in this room, forever.”
Bertholdt laughs lightly, “Reiner I don’t think that’s practical.”
“I don’t care,” Reiner doesn’t laugh with him, “I wish we didn’t have to deal
with any one else. I’m tired of getting into fights and I’m tired of having to
try and talk to my stupid fucking dense parents,” Bertholdt feels him let out a
shaky breath, “I’m so tired of it all. I just wish there was nothing else in
the world but us so everyone else could fuck off and we could be happy.”
Bertholdt takes his head in his hands, lifting it so he can look at him. It
would have been romantic if it weren’t for all the cursing and swearing
everyone else off. Instead it just sounded pleading and desperate.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, his eye twitching as Bertholdt grazed his thumb over his
cheek.
Bertholdt doesn’t say anything, and instead brings his down so he can pull him
into a kiss.
Reiner eagerly accepts it, forcefully leaning into Bertholdt and lifting his
one arm that isn’t holding all of his weight up to grip the side of his face.
Bertholdt moans, letting him take over and slip his tongue into his mouth.
Reiner shifts his weight again, so he’s more on top of Bertholdt, slipping his
knee between his thighs and lifting himself up slightly, keeping one hand at
his neck, fingers spread with thumb just under his ear and finger tips grazing
the back of his hair, and the other hand moving to his waist.
Bertholdt moves under him, unintentionally grinding himself against Reiner’s
knee as he rolls his hips upwards, and he lets his leg on the outside of them
drop open wider, inviting more of Reiner in. Both his hands are in his hair and
he’s gently grazing his fingernails into his scalp, since his hair isn’t really
long enough for him to grip.
Reiner pushes his knee further into Bertholdt’s crotch; softly grunting into
the kiss as Bertholdt scratches at his scalp and then drags his fingernails
down his neck and back up, making him shiver. His hand on Bertholdt’s waist
travels up his torso, kneading at his sides and moving to his back, supporting
him and lifting him up further into Reiner. Bertholdt mewls, pressing his body
flush against Reiner’s and grinding back onto the welcoming knee. Reiner lets
him grind against his leg, pushing his own growing erection into Bertholdt’s
thigh.
Bertholdt’s hands glide from the back of his neck, to his shoulders, and then
sliding down to his chest. Reiner is still wearing his hoodie from the walk
over and Bertholdt tugs at it, breaking away from his lips to tease him, “You
must be hot.”
“Yeah,” Reiner grunts, unaffected by Bertholdt pulling away and simply going
for his neck.
Bertholdt laughs, but it quickly shifts into a breathy moan as Reiner attacks
his neck, giving him tiny little nips and bites while shifting between kisses
and licks. Bertholdt moves his hands down further, gripping the hem of his
hoodie and pulling it up. Reiner refuses to move for a moment, staying at
Bertholdt’s neck until his hoodie is at his chin, then he sits up and throws it
off himself, not hesitating once it’s off to go right back to what he was
doing.
“Wait, Reiner,” Bertholdt gasps out, not being able to contain the pleasure in
his voice as Reiner sucks at his collarbone, “your t-shirt too.”
Reiner stops and lifts his head to look at him, eyeing him closely, “what about
your mom?”
“I told you, she’s a heavy sleeper,” Bertholdt shrugs, giving him a shy look.
Reiner stares at him for a moment before nodding and sitting up again to take
off his t-shirt, so his torso is left bare. Then, he tugs at the hem of
Bertholdt’s nightshirt (an old gym shirt from their middle school days – Reiner
couldn’t believe it still fit him since he had grown so much since then - well,
it barely fit him anyway) and Bertholdt lifts himself up so Reiner can pull it
off him.
Once it’s off Reiner moves back down to Bertholdt’s neck, kissing down the
curve of his throat and heading to his chest. Bertholdt let’s out a hiss when
he sucks a nipple into his mouth. He returns his hands to his hair, running
them through the short strains as Reiner flicks his tongue over his sensitive
skin, but then he grips him tighter, tugging him up so they’re face to face,
and pulls him into a kiss.
Reiner doesn’t object and lets Bertholdt kiss him. He lets out a gasp when
Bertholdt forcefully pushes him off him, shifting their positions so Bertholdt
is on top. Bertholdt just gives him a little smile as Reiner quirks an eyebrow
at him, dropping his hands to his side and spreading them on the sheets as
Bertholdt straddles his waist. Bertholdt rests his hands on his chest, and then
grinds his ass down on Reiner’s jean covered erection. Reiner’s head falls back
against the pillow, shutting his eyes and letting out a quiet moan.
Bertholdt runs his hands over his torso, grazing his thumbs over his nipples
and then kneading his sides. Then, he leans down to let his mouth follow the
trail his hands lead, kissing him and dipping his tongue into the indents of
his muscles. Reiner keeps his hands to his side, twisting them into the sheets
as he lifts his head up so he can watch Bertholdt move down his body. When
Bertholdt gets to his waistband he tugs open his pants, dipping a hand in and
palming his erection over his boxers.
“Fuck, Bertl,” Reiner moans softly, watching in awe as Bertholdt looks up at
him from behind his bangs as he rubs his cock. Then, he pulls down his pants
and boxers past his thighs in one go, letting his erection spring free.
He keeps one hand on his stomach, feeling Reiner’s muscles twitch under it as
he wraps his other hand around the base of his cock, positioning it in front of
his mouth and giving it a playful lick before sucking the tip into his mouth.
Reiner gasps, moving one hand to Bertholdt’s hair, but keeping the other
tangled in the sheets, and dropping his head back again. Bertholdt takes more
of him into his mouth, sucking him slowly and leisurely lapping his tongue
along the underside of his cock. Gradually he picks up his pace, bobbing his
head up and down and applying more suction.
“Oh God, Bertl,” Reiner moans, gently rocking his hips upwards with the motion
of Bertholdt’s head. Bertholdt lets him, easily taking him in his mouth at a
steady pace. Then, he pulls away with a ‘pop,’ and moves back up Reiner’s body
to kiss him again. Reiner keeps his hand in his hair, tugging him down to meet
his lips and eagerly excepting them, tasting himself on Bertholdt’s tongue. He
grinds his hips upwards and hisses when his exposed cock comes in contact with
Bertholdt’s still clothed one. He instantly reaches out to grope at him through
his sweatpants, and Bertholdt gasps, rocking his hips forward into his palm.
Reiner then slips his hand into his sweatpants, wrapping his fingers around his
cock and jerking him slowly. Bertholdt whimpers, dropping his head into the
crook of Reiner’s neck and thrusting into his hand. Reiner doesn’t waste his
time with that for too long before he’s pushing Bertholdt’s pants down.
Bertholdt sits up on his knees and removes his pants himself completely. Reiner
smirks at him as he settles back down on his lap, their bare erections rubbing
against one another.
Reaching both his hands up, Reiner grabs Bertholdt’s face and pulls him down so
he can kiss him again, and Bertholdt hunches his back, keeping their erections
in the same position so they can continue to slowly rock them together.
They’re both panting heavily into each other’s mouths. Reiner is grunting
quietly while Bertholdt is letting out tiny gasps and whimpers. Reiner tugs his
lower lip between his teeth before pulling away and pushing Bertholdt over, so
he can be on top again.
Bertholdt doesn’t mind the switch, and he lets his arms fall back bent next to
each side of his head, basking in the feel of Reiner exploring his body.
“Bertl,” Reiner mumbles over his skin in between open-mouthed kisses across his
chest. His hand that isn’t supporting his weight is moving in between
Bertholdt’s legs, and Bertholdt spreads them wider. Reiner gently grazes his
fingers along the inside of Bertholdt’s thigh, making him shudder, before
moving to massage his balls.
“Reiner,” Bertholdt whimpers, putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing,
“Lube.”
Reiner looks up at him with wide eyes, “What?"
Bertholdt jerks his head in the direction of his nightstand and says nothing.
Reiner nods, “Oh, right.”
He sits up, leaning over Bertholdt to reach into his nightstand and shuffling
things around until his fingers wrap around the bottle. He feels nervous all
the sudden, becoming hyper aware of the situation. Bertholdt seems less
affected, simply whimpering under him and slightly rolling his hips off the
bed, waiting.
Reiner coats his fingers, dropping the bottle to the side of the bed, and
getting back into the position he was in earlier. He kisses Bertholdt as he
moves his hand between his legs. Bertholdt lets out a hiss when his cold
fingers touch his entrance, and he wraps his arms around Reiner’s shoulders,
pulling him close.
Reiner slowly massages his hole, and then pushes one finger in, going as slow
as possible. His heart is pounding rapidly in his chest. It was really
different from the last time they did this. The last time they did this they
were drunk and it was fast and thoughtless, but now it was real, so much more
real, and it felt so much more intense. Reiner felt like he was a virgin all
over again as he willed his hand to stop shaking while he pushed his finger in
further.
Bertholdt gasps and then bites his lip.
“This ok?” Reiner whispers.
Bertholdt nods quickly, “You’re fine. Keep going.”
Reiner listens and pushes his finger in all the way, then pulls it out and
begins to thrust it in and out of him. Bertholdt’s mouth drops open in a silent
moan. Reiner takes it as a good sign, and removes his finger so he can push two
in. Bertholdt lets out another hiss, dropping his head back and closing his
eyes. Reiner watches his face, feeling nervous and overwhelmed as he eyes the
curve of his throat and his face making a slightly strained expression, but
looking so good at the same time.
He gently pushes his fingers in and out of him, twisting them and then curving
them upward, knowing to feel for that spot, and remembering where it was. It
wasn’t really that different from a girl’s g-spot, if anything, it was actually
easier to find. He can feel it when he’s found it, and he also knows he’s found
it by the way Bertholdt’s eyes shoot open and he lets out a slightly louder
gasp.
Reiner captures his lips in a kiss to keep him quiet while he keeps thrusting
his fingers into him deeper, massaging that spot, and catching Bertholdt’s
moans in his mouth. Bertholdt rocks his hips down on his fingers and tugs his
lips away from Reiner’s.
“R-Reiner,” he breathes out, “Please. Now.”
Pulling his fingers out, Reiner grabs the bottle of lube to slick up his cock.
His hands are shaking and he doesn’t know why he’s so nervous but he just is.
Bertholdt is watching him closely, legs spread and waiting, his hands dropped
down to his sides, gripping the sheets.
Reiner positions himself at Bertholdt entrance, gives him one last look, and
then pushes into him. He goes in slow, steadily pushing just the tip in first,
not like the first time when they were drunk and he just pushed in like an
idiot. Bertholdt’s face scrunches up and he lets out a deep breath.
He peeks open his eyes to look at Reiner, “It’s ok. You’re fine.”
Reiner nods, dropping his hands so they’re resting on each side of Bertholdt’s
head, and slowly pushes himself in all the way. He carefully watches
Bertholdt’s face as his eyes slide shut again and he bites his lip to hold back
a whimper. He waits a moment, but then Bertholdt is wrapping his arms around
his neck again, and pulling him down close. His lips are by his ear, and he
grunts out, “Move.”
Pulling out slowly so just the tip is in again; he then pushes back in,
starting to thrust into him at a slow pace. It’s so different from the first
time. It’s slow and steady and they’re so close and Reiner can feel everything.
Bertholdt is so hot and tight around him, and he’s pulling him down closer,
bringing his legs up to circle around his waist.
“Oh, fuck,” Reiner moans as it pushes him in deeper, and he begins to pick up
his pace.
Once they start moving faster Bertholdt’s bed starts to rock with them, making
it squeak. They both still their movements at the sound.
“Shit,” Bertholdt curses, panting hotly against Reiner’s ear.
“Hold on,” Reiner says, and grabs the pillow from behind Bertholdt’s head.
Bertholdt lets him take it but stares at him in confusion. Then, Reiner lifts
himself up and places the pillow between the wall and the bed’s headboard.
“That should fix it,” he says, and then rocks his hips forward.
Bertholdt bites his lip to keep a moan from escaping, but it still slips
through his closed lips, just muffled. The pillow buffers the movements of the
bed, so when Reiner starts to thrust into him faster again the bed no longer
squeaks. Bertholdt drops his head back, his neck at an odd angle now that he
doesn’t have the pillow to support it. Reiner notices and hooks his arm under
Bertholdt’s back, placing his hand behind his head and acting as a pillow. It
pulls them together even closer, foreheads pressed against one another, and
panting into each other’s mouths.
They keep a steady rhythm, with Reiner pushing into him with long deep thrusts.
Bertholdt is trying to contain his gasps and moans, but finds it difficult when
Reiner bends his knee up, lifting Bertholdt’s thigh, and angling himself
upwards to hit his spot. He turns his head so his nose is in Reiner’s hair and
he bites at his ear, attempting to keep himself from moaning. Reiner buries his
face further into his neck, the added teasing on his ear only making him more
sensitive and sending a chill down his spine. He thrusts into Bertholdt faster,
keeping the angle and staying deep inside him with short thrusts.
Bertholdt arches his back against him, and he can feel his leaking cock against
his stomach, “F-fuck, Reiner.”
“Oh God, Bertl,” Reiner moans back against his neck, feeling Bertholdt’s legs
begin to shake around him.
“R-Reiner, I’m close,” he breathes, and that just pushes Reiner even closer, so
he starts thrusting into him with quick jerks of his hips, and places his lips
on Bertholdt’s to catch both of their moans as Bertholdt cums. Reiner can feel
the head of his cock rubbing against his stomach, and he feels it twitch as he
cums between them. Bertholdt bites down harshly on his lip and whimpers as
Reiner keeps fucking him through his orgasm, until the clenching is finally too
much and he cums inside him.
They stay in that position for a while, with Reiner still inside Bertholdt and
holding his head up with an arm hooked around him, and Bertholdt’s arms and
legs wrapped around his body. Their foreheads are still pressed together, hot
and dripping with sweat, and they pant heavily tryin to regain their breath.
Eventually, it’s Bertholdt who moves first, dropping his arms and legs and
collapsing onto the bed. His body is sore, but in the best possible way. He had
never had sex like that before. Whenever he had sex it was always fast and full
of lust, but this was slow and powerful in a way he couldn’t even describe. He
runs his hands through his damp hair, feeling overwhelmed.
Reiner pulls out of him, making them both hiss, and flops down next to him,
draping an arm over his waist and pulling him close. Bertholdt curls into him,
making himself small and tucking his head under his chin.
They don’t say anything for a while, instead just holding each other.
“I don’t want to leave,” Reiner says, breaking the silence.
Bertholdt nuzzles his face into his chest, “I don’t want you to leave either.”
“I wish I didn’t have to,” Reiner adds.
“I’m sorry,” Bertholdt sighs, “I’ll see you later though.”
“I know,” Reiner looks to the digital clock on Bertholdt’s nightstand. It read
3:30am, “Fuck, I really wish I didn’t have to go home.”
Bertholdt pulls away from him, looking away, “I know, but you have to.”
“Yeah,” Reiner groans, rubbing a hand over his face before sitting up.
Bertholdt gets up too, and they both put their clothes back on.
Bertholdt walks him to the door, and Reiner pulls him into a long hug, and then
kisses him, “Bye.”
“Bye,” Bertholdt watches him loop around his house, walking into his backyard
just as the sun is starting to rise in the distance.
Chapter End Notes
     Ahh, hope you guys liked this chapter! Just so you know i'm aiming
     for 25 chapters total, give or take.
     Thank you to everyone leaving kudos and comments, and thank you to
     everyone leaving love on tumblr. Special big thanks to orlyization on
     tumblr who drew me some awesome fanart based on this story<33333
     I love you all, you guys are seriously the best<3
***** Chapter 21 *****
Chapter Summary
     The morning brings darkness.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Even though Reiner wanted nothing more than to stay in bed with Bertholdt he
still was in a good mood coming home. He walked through the backyards of his
neighbors with a little pep in his step, not even realizing that he was smiling
to himself. It was hard to believe it had taken him and Bertholdt this long to
get together because it just felt so perfect. He didn’t want it to ever change,
and in his mind he didn’t think it ever would. He couldn’t see anything getting
in between him and Bertholdt ever again. Not another guy, not school, not
anything.
When he sneaks back into his house, through the back door in the kitchen/
dinning room, he creeps through the kitchen into the living room, making a B
line right for the hallway to head back up to his room, but he’s stopped.
“Reiner.”
Reiner’s heart stops. He turns around rapidly, eyes adjusting in the dimness of
the room to see his father sitting on the couch. There is a little light
shinning in through the window from the rising sun, but otherwise it is dark,
and there is a deep blue shadow on his face.
“Dad,” Reiner says, almost breathless, unsure of what to expect, “What are you
doing up?”
He sees his father’s eyes look up at him, shimmering coldly in the soft light.
“I could ask you the same thing,” he says. His arms are resting limply by his
sides and he’s relaxed in his position on the couch, back slouched. Reiner can
tell he’s tired, like maybe he’s only been up for a few minutes, or perhaps
he’s been up for a while, sitting and waiting.
“I, uh, I went for a walk,” Reiner answers, fumbling for an excuse.
There’s a tiny smirk on his dad’s face, and he’s not sure how to feel when he
sees it. He gulps.
“You went for a walk, huh?”
Reiner nods dumbly.
His dad lets out a chuckle, but it isn’t friendly, and he breaks his gaze from
Reiner, looking out the window, “You were gone for a while.”
Reiner doesn’t know what to say in response. He doesn’t know how long his dad
has been up so he feels like if he tries to lie it will make things worse, so
he says nothing. Instead, he simply stands stiff in the entryway to the hall.
“How often do you go out for walks, Reiner?” His dad asks, bringing his eyes
back to him.
Reiner stares back at him, feeling more confused than before, “I dunno.
Sometimes.”
His dad laughs again, “You know Reiner, me and your Ma knew you snuck out
sometimes. And we let you go off and hang out with your friends and we didn’t
question it. You know why?”
“Why?” Reiner hears himself asking in response.
His dad sighs before standing, slowly approaching Reiner. Reiner stays in the
same spot, not because he’s determined to keep his ground, but because he’s too
afraid to move. He keeps raking his brain for excuses, trying to come up with
things to say. He can tell his dad is angry, but he’s still in the clear, isn’t
he? There was no reason for his dad to think he was out seeing Bertholdt.
Desperately he tries to will himself to calm down, tries to stop his heart from
beating so fast and his hands from shaking by his sides.
Once his dad is just a few inches away he speaks, “Because we knew you were a
good kid, Reiner.”
Reiner almost feels relived as he nods, but there’s a certain edge to his dad’s
voice that makes him unable to shake his uneasiness.
“Now,” his dad continues, “Why don’t you tell me where you really were?”
Reiner swallows hard, trying to gather salvia in his mouth, feeling his throat
go dry. He stutters, “I-I was out for a walk…”
Shutting his eyes briefly in a sign of impatience, his dad inhales sharply
through his nose, clenching his jaw, “Reiner, do you think I’m stupid?”
Reiner shakes his head, not sure what else to do.
He looks at him coldly, his stern expression shifting to a disgusted one. He
looks Reiner up and down with that disgusted look, and then shakes his head, “I
don’t know what to think anymore, Reiner. Me and your Ma trusted you and you’re
getting into fights at school, threatening your chance at going to a good
school, and now – now you sneak out and come home, and you smell.”
Reiner blinks in confusion, “What?”
 “You stink,” he says again, “You smell like sex.”
Reiner feels all the blood drain from his face. He wants to run, hide,
disappear, something, anything, to get out of this situation, but he can’t
move. His throat is still dry, and he feels like even if he tried he couldn’t
speak, so he licks his lips, hoping it will help.
He doesn’t say anything, so his dad speaks again, “Now, I’ll ask you again,
tell me where you were. Or, who you were with.”
“Krista’s,” Reiner says quickly, suddenly finding his voice, “I was with
Krista.”
Swiftly, Reiner is being pushed back against the wall, his dad’s thick arm
pinning him against his chest, and he’s yelling in his face, “You think I’m
stupid, boy?”
“Ah! Fuck, no! I swear!” Reiner sputters, taking the blow, not wanting to even
attempt fighting back, knowing that he couldn’t. His dad was older but he was
still big, bigger than Reiner, and he used to be a boxer growing up, so Reiner
knew better than to get into a fight with him. He’d learned that lesson back
when he was in middle school after getting caught shoplifting.
“You tell me the truth!” His dad keeps yelling, “Have you been seein’ that
boy?”
“N-No!”
He’s jostled against the wall with a rough shove, “Then if you’re with that
Krista girl why don’t you bring her around here? You know we like her, so I
know you got no reason to hide her from us! Tell me, what are you hidin’?”
Reiner coughs; trying his best to not meet his dad’s gaze even though his face
is just inches away. He knows he’s busted, but he can’t bring himself to say
anything.
“Huh, Reiner?!” His dad drops his grip, stepping back slightly, and he shakes
his head with a sick chuckle, “You know, your Ma had been tryin’ to tell me
this for a while now, but I didn’t want to believe her.”
Reiner still says nothing, just hunches over and tries to act normal despite
wanting to just collapse.
There’s a moment of silence, and his dad paces back and forth in front of
Reiner, before turning with a gruff yell and banging his fist against the wall.
If he had properly punched it he would have put a hole in it.
“I can’t fucking believe this! You’re fuckin’ him aren’t you?” His dad is
yelling, but more to himself than to Reiner, and Reiner knows there’s nothing
he can say now. He’s been found out, coming home late and smelling like
Bertholdt and sex and having no good excuse, not to mention his mom having
suspicions for a while now apparently.
His dad groans loudly, running a rough hand through his hair, and then turning
on Reiner, “You know, I outta kick your ass! Do you know what you’re doin’ to
me and your Ma? I can’t even – just knowing that you – ugh!” He turns away
again, making a noise of disgust.
Reiner just stares at his feet, being unable to speak.
“You’re not going to say anything?” His dad grunts at him in exasperation.
Reiner bites his lip.
“Give me your cell phone.”
Reiner looks up then, a new kind of fear flashing across his face.
“You heard me, boy. Give me your phone,” his dad says again, holding out his
hand.
Reiner reluctantly listens, pulling his phone out of his pocket and handing it
to his dad. He ducks his head again when his dad begins searching through the
contents of it, no doubt looking at his latest calls and texts messages. Reiner
feels sick remembering all the stupid lovely-dovey texts he and Bertholdt had
been sending back and forth since they got together. He doesn’t want his father
to read those. He doesn’t know what he’ll do.
“You’ll get this back later,” his dad says, shoving the phone in his own
pocket, “Maybe.”
Reiner closes his eyes sadly, fearing the worst, but grateful that his dad
wasn’t yelling any longer. Part of him wished his mom would come downstairs,
knowing that there was no way she hadn’t heard them by now, but the other part
of him is glad she isn’t here to see this.
“Now, go the fuck up to your room,” his dad spits, and Reiner doesn’t wait
another moment before turning and listening.
He hurries up the steps, feeling stupid and pathetic, like everything is
finally hitting him at once, and tries not to cry. At the top of the steps he
sees his mom, standing with an arm across her chest and a hand over her mouth,
shaking, and tears streaming down her face. Reiner makes eye contact with her
as he passes her, feeling his lower lip start to quiver. She simply shakes her
head at him and looks away. He takes the hint, keeps walking and heads into his
bedroom, shutting the door and collapsing on the bed and finally letting tears
fall.
 
Bertholdt knows something is wrong the next day when Reiner isn’t in school and
when he tries to call his cell phone all he gets is a weird message telling him
the number has been disconnected. He asks around to see if anyone has heard
from him but no one can give him any solid information, so he ends up being
anxious for the rest of the day. He has no other choice than to go home right
after school even though he still hasn’t heard anything.
When he gets home he definitely knows something is wrong because his mom’s car
is in the driveway, and she definitely shouldn’t be home this early. Opening
the door, he already feels uneasy, slowly stepping in and calling out, “Mom?”
“Bertholdt,” he hears her call back, “I’m in the living room. Come here real
quick, please.”
He can hear her voice is shaky and he doesn’t know why, but a million terrible
possibilities run through his mind. What he doesn’t expect is to see is
Reiner’s mom sitting on his living room couch, cup of coffee in hand, facing
his mother.
Immediately Bertholdt asks, “Where’s Reiner?”
“He’s home,” Reiner’s mom answers, with a stern voice and a cold expression.
“Bertholdt come sit down,” Bertholdt’s mom says, gesturing for him to sit in
the armchair next to the couch. He does as he’s told, and slowly takes a seat.
“Mrs. Braun said she has something important to tell us,” she explains.
“Is Reiner ok?” Bertholdt asks, looking at Reiner’s mom, his mind automatically
thinking the worst could have happened.
Reiner’s mom shakes her had sadly, like she’s still in a state of shock, little
tears pricking at her eyes, “No, he isn’t ok.”
Bertholdt’s heart sinks as panic bubbles in his stomach.
Then, Reiner’s mom is looking at him with a fierce look in her eyes, the coffee
mug shaking in her grip, “Your son has been sleeping with my boy.”
Bertholdt practically chokes on thin air; feeling like the wind has been
knocked out of him from the surprise of the statement.
“What?” His mom is asking her, but Bertholdt’s mind can’t focus on the
conversation. His brain is reeling from the suddenness of the situation. He
should have seen it coming. He should have known. Of course after the night
they’d been together something bad would have happened. Bertholdt felt a
different kind of panic settling within himself. Panic mixed with anger, anger
at Reiner’s parents, but mostly anger towards himself. They hadn’t even managed
to keep their relationship a secret for longer than a month before their own
greed and restlessness got the better of them, and now Reiner’s worst nightmare
had happened. It was Bertholdt’s worst nightmare too. He didn’t know what
Reiner was going through right now, but he knew he wasn’t at school today and
that scared him.
Not to mention now his mom knew, and he didn’t know what she would think or
say. Bertholdt had been too stunned to even think to deny it, so there was no
point in doing so now, especially since he had been dumbstruck staring at the
carpet for the last five minutes.
“Well?! What do you have to say for yourself?” Mrs. Braun is yelling at him,
pulling him out of his trance. She’s frantic when he looks at her, practically
out of her seat like she’s ready to pounce at him.
“Wha – I,” Bertholdt stutters, unsure what to say, feeling his head rush and
beginning to get dizzy. He can’t even bring himself to look at his mom.
“I always knew something was wrong with you!” Mrs. Braun keeps yelling, tears
running down her face, “Why did you have to bring my son down with you!? Why
did you have to destroy him?! You sick –”
“Excuse me?” Bertholdt’s mom cuts her off, and Mrs. Braun shakily turns her
head to her, still reeling from adrenaline, “Who do you think you are talking
to my son like that?”
“Oh like you should talk!” Mrs. Braun doesn’t hesitate to switch her target,
“This is all your fault anyway. Don’t you see? If you could have kept a decent
man around the house none of this would have happened. Your son could have been
normal if you could have kept your family in control – now he’s a freak and
he’s tainting my son!”
Bertholdt’s mom stands, loaming over Mrs. Braun, and she points towards the
front door, “Get out.”
Bertholdt stays sitting, staring up at his mom in shock, not entirely sure what
is happening or how to react to it. Mrs. Braun is also staring at his mom,
looking at her with wide dumbfounded eyes and sputtering incoherently.
Bertholdt’s mom doesn’t wait very long, she grabs Mrs. Braun by the arm, pulls
her up and then pushes her towards their front door, all while yelling at her,
“Get out! Get out of my house! You dare to come in here and speak about my
family like this?! Get out!”
Mrs. Braun has no choice but to listen, and she hastily scurries out the door.
Bertholdt’s mom pushes her through it, but before closing the door behind her
she spits, “You should be ashamed of yourself.”
Bertholdt hasn’t moved from his spot in the living room, sitting still in the
chair and gripping its arms tightly. He barely registers the door slamming shut
and his mother’s footsteps as she comes up next to him. He barley registers as
he starts sobbing, slow and quiet at first, and then loud and gasping. What he
does register is his mom’s arms wrapping around him, pulling him close and
resting her head on his, cooing soft words into his hair and patting his back
in a soothing manner.
 
Reiner isn’t in school for the rest of the week and Bertholdt doesn’t know what
to do. He still hasn’t been able to get a hold of him through phone and he
didn’t say anything to anyone else about the matter, not because he didn’t want
them to know, but because he physically couldn’t say the words. It made him
sick just thinking about it and every time he tired to talk about it he felt
like he was choking. He couldn’t even talk to his mom about it, even though she
told him that she supported him. Bertholdt had cried a lot that first day when
Mrs. Braun had visited their house, and his mom had cried a lot too. She said
she had her suspicions when he was younger, since Bertholdt was always so
clingy with Reiner and Berik, and that she actually thought he had a crush on
Berik, which was why she thought he became so depressed when he moved away. She
still apologized about his father, about how it was her fault that she couldn’t
make the relationship work for him, and put all the blame on herself, even
though Bertholdt told her it was ok. Then, she said she’d love him no matter
what, and Reiner too, and that if Reiner needed somewhere to escape he could
stay with them, and she would welcome him with open arms.
It was relieving to know, and Bertholdt was happy, but none of that mattered in
comparison to the overwhelming dread he felt from knowing Reiner was alone and
suffering. He wanted nothing more than to be with him, to hold him and tell him
it was ok, and that as long as Bertholdt’s mom supported them they could figure
things out, but he couldn’t even talk to him, and being left in the dark hurt
more than anything.
At the end of the week he finally says something to everyone else. It’s during
lunch and everyone is there, including Annie since she started sitting with
them once her and Jean became a thing, even though they both denied it and
refused to call themselves a ‘couple.’
“I think Reiner’s in trouble,” Bertholdt says suddenly, not sure how else to
start the conversation.
Everyone stops to look at him, and Annie gives him a knowing look, sadness
filling her usual indifferent gaze.
“He’s been sick right?” Marco asks.
Bertholdt shakes his head. He didn’t want to tell everyone about their
situation without Reiner knowing, but he felt like he had no choice, so he just
decided to say it, “Reiner and I are dating.”
Everyone starts saying their congratulations, Eren saying how he knew it, and
Jean saying, ‘finally!’ But Bertholdt shakes his head again, trying desperately
not to cry in front of everyone.
“His parents found out and they’ve been keeping him home, or maybe they sent
him away, I don’t know. All I know is they found out and they’re mad and I
think they blocked my number because I haven’t been able to call him and I’m so
worried I don’t know what to do.”
He’s breathless and shaking by the time he finishes talking, staring at his
food and blinking away tears.
“Wait,” Armin speaks up, “Reiner’s parents don’t support him?”
Bertholdt ducks his head, shaking it sadly. He inhales sharply and bangs his
fist on the table a little harder than intended. Everyone flinches, unused to
seeing Bertholdt show any kind of intense emotion.
“His parents are homophobic jerks! That’s why he never came out,” he sighs,
“That’s why we didn’t tell you guys about us.”
Everyone is quiet for a moment, taking it all in.
Annie breaks the silence, “So, they’ve been keeping Reiner out of school?”
Bertholdt nods, but then shakes his head, “I don’t even know what’s going on
but…I don’t know…Reiner always talked about how he was worried about what would
happen if they found out…like he was scared.”
“Hold on,” Jean says, digging into his pocket and pulling out his phone, “You
said your number was blocked? Let me try calling him.”
Bertholdt waits anxiously as Jean scrolls through his phone and then holds it
up to his ear. He feels hopeful even though he knows the chances are slim, and
of course, as he expected, his hopes are crushed when Jean lowers the phone,
shaking his head.
“It’s off.”
Bertholdt ducks his head again, feeling incredibly hopeless.
Armin pats him on the back, attempting to be comforting, but it just feels
hollow to Bertholdt, and he tells him, “Don’t worry Bertholdt, we’ll figure
this out. They can’t lock Reiner away forever.”
Bertholdt nods but he doesn’t feel any better. He wants to cry, he wants to
throw up, he wants to break into Reiner’s house and steal him away from this
mess. It all feels like some kind of sick nightmare, they were so close to
being happy and it all got ripped away from them.
Chapter End Notes
     Before anyone freaks out I'm not having Reiner sent away or anything
     lol. This chapter was supposed to be longer but it was getting too
     long so I had to split it into two.
     Anyway, thanks so much to everyone reading and leaving comments. I
     know I don't reply to everyone but I am reading all your comments and
     it really means a lot. I'm glad so many people like this story even
     though it's kind of ridiculous, but it's almost towards the end and
     I'm grateful so many of you have stuck with me. You guys are the
     best<3
***** Chapter 22 *****
Chapter Summary
     A new school schedule is made for Reiner and Bertholdt.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Bertholdt continued to go to school the next week, even though he didn’t want
to. He also hadn’t done anything over the weekend, feeling too depressed to go
out with anyone else knowing that Reiner was stuck alone in his house or
whatever else his parents were subjecting him to.
On Monday he reluctantly forces himself out of bed and to the school, moving
sluggish and feeling like he hadn’t slept at all even though that was the only
thing he had done all weekend. When he gets to the school he’s later than
usual, having no reason to show up early since he wouldn’t be meeting with
Reiner in the morning like they normally did. There’s five minutes before the
first bell and he’s sulking through the halls, walking slow towards his first
class, head ducked and determined not to look at anyone. Just because Reiner
wasn’t here didn’t mean the comments or stares had stopped. If anything,
Reiner’s absence had made it worse. Everyone wanted to know where Reiner was,
and everyone was looking toward Bertholdt, knowing how close they had become,
making the whole situation suspicious.
Bertholdt is passing the art wing of the school on his way to class, a less
populated part of the building, since the art classes usually took place in the
afternoon during the elective periods, and he barely has a chance to compose
himself when he’s suddenly violently pulled into an art room.
“Ah!” He yells, tripping over his own feet as the door swings shut behind him,
and he tumbles into his aggressor’s arms. He’s about to panic, but stops when
he sees who has grabbed him. “Reiner?!”
“What took you so long? I’ve been waiting for you all morning,” Reiner says.
Bertholdt crashes into him, pushing himself closer to him than he already was,
and tightly wrapping his arms around him.
“I thought you weren’t coming back,” he mumbles into his shoulder, breathing
him in, and not minding that Reiner is holding him just as tight, practically
squeezing the breath out of him.
“My parents were debating on letting me come back,” Reiner explains, nuzzling
his face into Bertholdt’s neck. “They decided it would be stupid to make me
finish the rest of the semester at a different school, but only because
transferring might screw with my scholarship.”
“Thank God,” Bertholdt sighs, lifting his head up so that he can kiss him.
Reiner kisses him back greedily, moving his hands to grip his face, and moving
his lips slow, but deliberate, desperate for more.
“I’m still not supposed to see you,” Reiner says in between kisses, barely
breaking his lips from Bertholdt’s enough to speak.
“What can they do?” Bertholdt asks, letting his hands roam all over Reiner,
sliding up his back under his book bag, like he can’t touch him enough.
“They might have eyes watching me,” Reiner says, moving from Bertholdt lips to
his neck, kissing and sucking on his skin hungrily, and speaking over his skin.
“They said they’re going to be watching me like a hawk. They took my phone,
they’re picking me up right after school, and they say I’m not allowed to leave
the house.”
Bertholdt whines deep in his throat, “At least I can see you at school?”
“Yeah,” Reiner answers. “But we’ll have to be even more careful now.”
Bertholdt bites his lip, titling his head back so his neck is out of Reiner’s
reach, and looks at him seriously. “We already were being careful.”
Reiner sighs, exasperated, “I know, I know. But I don’t know if they have
someone, like, watching me or something. They made it seem like they would.”
“Who?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t want to risk it. If I get caught again they might
actually send me away, or I dunno, maybe worse,” Reiner explains, voice getting
more hurried as he talked. Bertholdt rarely heard Reiner get panicked, and it
made his heart ache seeing it now. He took a moment to look at Reiner closely,
and he saw that he had deep circles under his eyes, looking distraught and
disheveled. Bertholdt imagined he didn’t look that much different from Reiner
in this moment.
Bertholdt takes a minute to think. Then, with a sudden burst of energy blurts
out, “Live with me.”
“What?”
“My mom said you can stay with us,” Bertholdt explains, grabbing Reiner by his
upper arms excitedly.
Reiner furrows his brow. “Your mom found out?”
Bertholdt is surprised by his confusion. “Yeah, your mom came over and told
her. You didn’t know?”
Reiner shakes his head, the expression on his face getting even more troubled.
“I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be,” Bertholdt quickly reassures him, letting out a light chuckle.
“My mom actually said she kinda knew for a while and was ok with it.”
“Oh,” Reiner responds, and once again Bertholdt is a little surprised by his
reaction. “Well, that’s great Bertholdt. I’m glad.”
“Yeah,” Bertholdt says back sadly, trying to comprehend Reiner’s own sadness.
“She said if you needed to you could stay with us.”
Reiner looks up at him, his gaze feeling distant as he shook his head. “I can’t
do that. Tell her I said thanks though.”
Bertholdt doesn’t understand why Reiner wouldn’t want to take advantage of this
opportunity, so he asks, “Why?”
Reiner sighs, “I just can’t, Bertholdt. I know it’s fucked up. I know. I just.
They’re still my parents. They’re pieces of shit sometimes, yeah, but they’re
still my parents, and I can’t just leave. Not right now.”
“Reiner, they don’t accept you for who you are,” Bertholdt says, a little more
harshly than intended, but he doesn’t regret it. Reiner’s own words making him
feel angry, and not understanding why Reiner is letting his parents treat him
this way.
Reiner gives him a cold look. “There are only a few more months until we go
away to college. I need their support.”
“But you got the scholarship,” Bertholdt desperately tries to persuade him
otherwise.
“The scholarship only covers the courses. It doesn’t cover living expenses, and
if I want to get away from my parents and still get an education so that I can
stay away from them, then right now, I need their support.”
Reiner wont look at him, and Bertholdt can hear the strain in his voice. He can
tell Reiner doesn’t want to do this, and Bertholdt doesn’t want him to either,
but he sees his point. Bertholdt wanted to tell him his mother could help, but
in reality that would be impossible. Even with how smart Bertholdt is it is
still going to be hard for him to go to college. He was already working to get
an academic scholarship, and maybe one for track if he could, and also looking
into getting loans, but even with all that there was still living expenses and
anything else left over that his mother wouldn’t be able to help him with.
Reiner was being smart, and knowing that if he dealt with his parents now he
would be able to go to school, get a good education, and hopefully a good
career so he would never have to rely on his parents again.
Reiner hated thinking this way. He hated feeling like he was using his parents
just to get away from them, because as much as he hated them for being so
ignorant they were still his parents who raised him, his dad who took him
fishing every summer since he was ten, and his mom who made his favorite food
whenever he was sick. He hated that he had to lie to them and say he was
straight, that it was a mistake and nothing more than curious hormones. He
hated that he had to look them in the eye and say he wouldn’t see Bertholdt
anymore. He hated that he had to say it to Bertholdt, and he hated that
Bertholdt had to hear it. It made him feel sick in the pit of his stomach, but
he knew there was nothing else he could do.
After a moment of them both standing in quiet thought, Bertholdt asks, “What
are we going to do?”
 
There wasn’t much they could do. It was difficult to avoid each other at
school, considering it was the only time they got to see each other, but they
did it, feeling too paranoid to walk together in the halls or even sit together
at lunch. It was worth it knowing that it eliminated the threat of Reiner being
sent away, and Bertholdt felt relieved just knowing Reiner was ok, just being
able to see him safe made him happy.
Instead they started writing each other letters, passing them in between
friends so they’d get to their destination. Bertholdt would give his letter to
Annie, who would give it to Jean, who would then give it to Reiner, and then
back again. Reiner had to be extra careful with them, and kept them on his
person at all times, in order to prevent his parents from stumbling across
them. When he slept he kept them under his pillow, hand tuck up under with
them, constantly making sure they were safe even in his sleep.
Then, they started planning designated times to meet in the boys bathroom.
Three times a day, once during second period, once during Reiner’s lunch and
Bertholdt’s free period, and once at the end of the day during fourth period.
Unfortunately, so their bathroom trips didn’t seem suspicious, they could only
meet for ten minutes at a time, sometimes fifteen if they felt like pushing it.
This became their routine, and it became normal as weeks and then months past,
but even in its normalcy it still was difficult.
Today, they were meeting for the last time that day, on a Friday, and they were
crammed into a stall together trying to get as much out of the visit as they
could, knowing that they wouldn’t be able to see each other at all over the
weekend, the short time feeling like forever to them now that they were forced
to be apart. It made it even harder knowing they were only two houses away from
each other. Reiner’s parents wouldn’t let him leave the house at all, and it
was easy since his mom didn’t work for her to keep an eye on him. If she had to
leave she took him with her, so the only time Reiner got to leave other than
for school was either running errands with her, or going to the gym with his
dad. Also, to prevent Reiner from sneaking out at night, they installed a
burglary system, which was activated at eleven at night, and would go off if a
window or door were opened, even from the inside.
So it made moments like this that much more important. Reiner sat on the toilet
with Bertholdt sitting in his lap; long legs wrapped around him and hiked up
against the wall, so if anyone were to walk in they would only see Reiner’s
feet.
Right now the bathroom was empty, so they didn’t bother being quiet as they
hungrily attacked each other’s mouths, desperately and greedily stealing each
other’s breathes, as they feverously made out in an almost sloppy fashion,
unconcerned with technique in their haste.
Bertholdt is clinging tight to Reiner, partially due to his position and
partially just because he wants to be as close to him as possible. Reiner
doesn’t appose since he wants it too, and he has an arm hooked around
Bertholdt’s waist, tugging him on his lap more, shifting and readjusting to
feel more of him constantly, and his other hand is at the back of his neck,
tender despite their other rough touches.
Bertholdt has both his arms resting on Reiner’s shoulders, wrapped around his
neck, as he slowly rocks his hips down onto the lap he’s sitting on without
thinking.
It was impossible for things to not get heated whenever they were together,
since they had no chance to have any kind of gratifying physical contact when
they had these fleeting moments together, and in the end it only made things
worse, making their bodies hyper sensitive more and more every time they met.
“Bertholdt,” Reiner warns him, feeling himself getting hot from Bertholdt’s
ministrations.
“Sorry,” Bertholdt murmurs over his lips, but shows no intention of stopping as
he continues to wiggle his ass against Reiner’s growing erection.
Reiner bites at his lower lip, tugging at it playfully in a weak-willed attempt
to tell him to stop, but he contradicts himself when he moves his hand on
Bertholdt’s back down to his ass, pushing him into his lap further.
They stop suddenly when they hear the door open. Keeping perfectly still they
listen as someone enters the bathroom, and both of them silently pray they will
just use the one of the urinals and go quickly. The person seems to take there
time, not going directly to a urinal but instead standing in front of the
sinks, probably looking at themselves in the mirror, before finally going over
to pee. Bertholdt rolls his eyes as they listen, showing his impatience, and
Reiner smirks back at him. Teasingly, Reiner brings a hand to the front of
Bertholdt’s pants, rubbing his palm against Bertholdt’s half hard cock through
his jeans.
Bertholdt bites his lip while giving Reiner a dirty look, and Reiner can tell
he wants to scold him by how red his face is, which Reiner just finds funny and
smiles at him wider.
Bertholdt buries his face into Reiner’s neck when the touching doesn’t stop.
His body betrays him and he rocks back into Reiner’s hand, desperately trying
to not make any noise. Reiner rubs him harder, feeling the outline of
Bertholdt’s cock get more defined through his jeans as he grew harder. It’s
getting more difficult for Bertholdt not to make any noise, so to distract
himself he bites at Reiner’s ear lobe, sucking the flesh in between his teeth.
Reiner groans from the sudden touch, shivering as Bertholdt sucks on his
sensitive skin, but instantly catches himself, biting his own lip to not make
any more noise.
By now, the person has finished relieving himself and has moved back to the
sinks to wash their hands, but there is a noticeable pause when they hear
Reiner groan.
Bertholdt and Reiner exchange nervous glances, both of their hearts beating
rapidly in their chests as they listen for any other movements.
They both let out startled yells as there is a sudden bang and the stall door
is kicked open.
“What the hell?” Reiner yells, quickly wrapping his arms around Bertholdt and
getting ready to push him out of the way in preparation for a possible attack
from the intruder, that he couldn’t properly see since Bertholdt’s body was in
the way.
Bertholdt yelps and turns, and then gasps in shock when he sees Levi standing
in the frame of the stall, peering at them with an unamused look.
“Levi!” Bertholdt practically squeaks, face going red from embarrassment.
Reiner quirks his head to look around Bertholdt to see the short man himself,
and his eyes go wide with shock, as if he didn’t believe it when Bertholdt had
said it.
“What are you doing?” Levi asks in a monotone voice, seemingly unimpressed.
“N-nothing,” Reiner answers, knowing Bertholdt wont say anything.
Levi looks them up at down. “Nothing?”
They both nod.
Levi rolls his eyes. “You know, you don’t have to sneak around, even though you
both suck at it.”
Reiner opens his mouth to say something, but Levi cuts him off.
“I know about your parents,” he explains, keeping his voice at the same level
of disinterest. “They told me to watch over you. Something about not wanting
you to get into anymore fights, but they’re stupid if they think I don’t
realize the true reason. And they’re even stupider to think I’d go along with
it.”
This time when Reiner opens his mouth, it isn’t to say anything; it’s out of
shock.
When neither of them speaks Levi continues again, as if to clarify. “I’m not
going to say anything.”
“T-thank you,” Reiner sputters.
Then, Levi turns away, but not before looking at them over his shoulder, eyeing
them in their current compromised position, and saying, “As a faculty member I
still have to tell you not to fuck in the bathroom though.”
Chapter End Notes
     Hope you guys liked this chapter! Just as an fyi, since chapter 18
     I've had every chapter til the end planned out in outlines, but when
     writing outlines I sometimes forget or don't realize how long the
     actual chapters become when written. So before I said it was going to
     be 23-25 chapters long, but looking at it now I've already had to
     break like 2 chapters in half so it will probably be closer to 27.
     Sorry~
     Anyway, super big big big thank you to everyone. You're all leaving
     such nice comments it really means a lot. You guys are awesome and I
     love all of you<3
***** Chapter 23 *****
Chapter Summary
     The most important time of any high school student's career: Prom.
Chapter Notes
     so sorry it took me a while to update this, but this chapter is a
     little longer, so i hope that makes up for it. also, i never went to
     prom.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Even with the element of fear removed (for the most part) it was still
impossible to be entirely open at school. There was still the issue of
classmates, or even other faculty members, that neither Reiner nor Bertholdt
wanted to be aware of their situation. Any amount of talking could somehow get
back to his parents if they weren’t careful, and they had to be careful of
everything. Even if it seemed incredibly unlikely they had to prepare for it.
If the off chance a classmate said something to one of their parents, who then
later ran into Reiner’s mom at the grocery store or something and mentioned it,
they would be in a world of trouble. So, everything had to be taken into
consideration, no matter how minor it seemed.
Luckily, with Levi on their side there was at least that weight lifted off
their shoulders. Since they knew that one bit of information it meant they
could sit at lunch together again, and even walk in the halls together, but
they still had to be cautious. They couldn’t get too close, and even had to
watch the way they looked at each other. More than a few times Annie had warned
them at lunch to, “Stop staring at each other like love sick puppies.”
It was especially frustrating for Reiner, since he knew it was his fault. If it
weren’t for his family they would be able to freely express themselves. He
could deal with their shitty classmates, and he knew Bertholdt could too, as
much as he hated Bertholdt having to hear negative things said to him. It made
it worse knowing that his family was also saying those things. He didn’t have
to live with his classmates, so their opinions didn’t matter. Reiner actually
felt less and less affected by their rumors, only getting truly upset when he
heard them directed towards Bertholdt, even though Bertholdt constantly told
him he didn’t mind. He knew Levi had their back, and frankly Levi was
terrifying, so no one picked fights with Reiner knowing they’d have to answer
to the short man with the even shorter temper later.
What bothered Reiner was that he knew that Bertholdt’s family, or at least his
mother, had opened up to him with welcomed arms, stating that she accepted not
only Bertholdt, but also Reiner. It was so kind of her to offer her support to
him, but it made Reiner feel sick at the same time. He wished his own family
could treat Bertholdt with that respect, instead of treating him like he was a
monster, or like he was trash, like he was less than a human being, or like he
was a rat that carried a disease that they worried he had passed to Reiner.
With that on his mind the words of his classmates became less critical to him,
not to mention football season was over and so that weight had been lifted off
his shoulders as well. All he had to worry about was keeping his GPA up so as
to not lose his scholarship, and he had Bertholdt to help him out with that.
Since they were able to be relatively normal at school they didn’t have to
sneak around as much, and some days they met in the library at lunch or one of
their free periods to study.
So, without much of an option they accepted this kind of normalcy. Time passed
and they took as much free time they could get together as possible. The
holidays were the hardest, because while they were on break from school they
were unable to see each other. Reiner had large family parties on both
Thanksgiving and Christmas, but Bertholdt didn’t do much for the holidays at
all. He just spent quiet nights with his mom, nothing too extravagant or
special. For them it was special enough that they got to share a meal together.
Bertholdt wished he could be with Reiner during those times, but he knew it was
impossible, and he felt lonelier than he already did every holiday.
Reiner suffered in his own way, since he had to be forced to be around people
he didn’t want to be. It was fine, until his mother kept forcing her ideals on
him, putting words in his mouth, telling his other family members how soon he’d
be off to college where he’d find a nice girl and give her grand children. He
had no choice but the smile and go along with it, which was something he became
much too familiar with forcing himself to do.
As the winter months shifted back into the warmer season they both prepared to
get ready for graduation, feeling excited but nervous at the same time.
Bertholdt had gotten into Reiner’s college with no problem, so they were
already planning how they would figure out their living situation. In the dorms
there was an option to suggest a roommate to bunk with, but knowing that
Reiner’s parents would most likely want to visit and meet Reiner’s roommate,
they decided to just get separate dorms from each other, even though Bertholdt
hated that idea.
There was still a month until graduation, so they didn’t bother thinking too
much about those minor details yet. Instead they focus on the feeling of glee
knowing that they’d have a lot more freedom to just be themselves. A part of
Reiner felt nervous about meeting his new teammates and how they would react
upon finding out he was gay, but after all the drama from this year he decided
he didn’t care all anymore.
Even today, sitting in the library with Bertholdt, Reiner felt an overwhelming
sense of calm from just being with him. All the tensions from being at home,
and dealing with his parents constantly nagging at him and asking him
questions, faded away and he was able to simply enjoy the presence of his best
friend and boyfriend.
The library felt safe, as it always had to Bertholdt, because it was quiet and
almost always empty. If they sat in the back corner it also put them out of
view of the librarian, and the tall shelves covered in books felt like the
perfect blockade against the rest of the world.
Bertholdt was working on homework, rigorously taking notes and burying his face
into his textbook. Reiner had been doing homework, but decided to take a break,
and instead sat with his head on the table, resting in the crook of his elbow.
His other hand was under the table, griping lightly at Bertholdt’s knee, taking
the silence of the library as an opportunity to touch his boyfriend in any way
he could, even if it was small.
 Bertholdt looks up from his notes, eyeing the lazy Reiner, as the blondes own
eyes flutter closed.
He shakes his knee, jostling Reiner’s hand that was resting on it, and making
his eyes open. Reiner looks up at him with tired eyes and sends him a sweet
smile.
“Did you finish?” Bertholdt asks.
Reiner shrugs as best he can without changing his position. “Most of it.”
Bertholdt rolls his eyes. “Don’t leave it till last minute.”
Reiner laughs at his scolding. “I wont.”
Bertholdt laughs with him, wiggling his leg again as Reiner’s hand travels up
it further, rubbing it in a soothing motion, and squeezing slightly. It makes
Bertholdt blush, finding the simple movement to be oddly comforting and
intimate. He and Reiner stare at each other for another moment, Reiner with his
soft smile and golden eyes, and Bertholdt resting his head in his hand,
returning his gaze unwavering.
“I miss you,” he says suddenly, ducking his head while clearing his throat, as
if he had caught himself off guard.
Reiner furrows his brow and lifts his head. “I’m right here.”
“You know what I mean,” Bertholdt responds simply.
Reiner sighs, “Yeah. I know.”
He looks around the library for a moment, an uneasy silence spreading between
them. There were always moments like this, and they always seemed to come
directly after the nicer moments they had together. It was almost like the nice
moments made the severity of their situation that much more obvious. Whenever
Reiner would hold Bertholdt’s hand, or just touch him at all, Bertholdt would
feel a swell of happiness, only to be reminded that they couldn’t do this all
the time, and that in a few hours Reiner would be back home pretending they
weren’t together at all. It was selfish, but he wanted Reiner to himself. He
wanted to be able to hold him as much as possible without having to worry about
the consequences, and he didn’t want Reiner to have to live a double life due
to his parents. It made him feel distant from him even when they were right
next to each other, and he hated himself for feeling that, especially because
he knew it was even harder for Reiner.
“Hey.” Reiner gets his attention by gripping his knee a little tighter. “Go to
prom with me?”
Bertholdt jerks his head towards him in shock. “Reiner you know we can’t do
that.”
Reiner shrugs. “Sure we can.”
“No, we can’t,” Bertholdt reiterates while shaking his head.
Reiner leans forward in his chair, hunching over to look up at Bertholdt’s
face. “Why not?”
“Because you can only buy tickets as a couple.”
Reiner smiles; glad to hear that that was the only problem Bertholdt was
seeing. For a moment he thought he’d have to explain that they could still go
to prom together without raising too much suspicion, as long as they didn’t
hang off of each other. It wouldn’t be as fun of course, but it was something.
“Don’t worry about that,” Reiner tells him. “I’ll figure it out.”
 
Reiner wasn’t concerned about figuring out the ticket issue, which he always
thought was bullshit anyway. It didn’t seem fair to him that the school only
allowed students with significant others to go to prom. Of course that meant
people usually just paired up between friends, but god forbid you had an uneven
amount of friends or more friends of a certain sex, because then it meant
someone had to be left out.
But Reiner knew that wouldn’t be an issue. His issue was convincing his parents
to let him go. Once he got them to give him the go ahead he knew he’d be able
to work something out among their friends to get tickets.
“Please, Ma, it’s prom, everyone will be going,” Reiner pleads with his mother
about a week after his conversation with Bertholdt. It had taken him that long
to work up the confidence to bring up the topic with her.
She shakes her head. “Reiner.”
“Ma, please,” he continues to beg.
She looks at him sternly from her position in the kitchen. “You know we can’t
let you do that.”
“But why?”
“You know why, Reiner.”
Reiner groans. “It’s been like 6 months and you still can’t trust me?”
She shakes her head again, this time quick and more erratically. “No, I can’t.
I don’t know if you’re just going to go off and see that boy.”
Reiner had given up long ago trying to get her to say his name. It made him sad
knowing that before she called him Bertl, but now she wouldn’t even acknowledge
him without a look of disgust on her face.
“I wont,” Reiner tells her, trying to keep as normal of an expression as he
can. He hated lying, he really did, but he had no choice. “I want to ask a
girl.”
Reiner’s mom pauses for a moment, then moves closer to him, slowly taking his
face in her hands and looking at him seriously. He wants to pull away, but she
holds him tight, forcing her to look her in her tear filled eyes.
“Reiner,” she starts with a deep shaky breath. “Please. Your father and I love
you. We do. We love you very much.”
He swallows hard, finding it more difficult to meet her gaze, wanting to yell
back at her that she obviously does not love him if she thinks the solution to
him being gay is to lock him in his room, but he can’t get himself to speak,
and then he doesn’t have to worry about looking at her when she moves his head
to her chest, nuzzling him there tightly. He wants to groan as he’s pushed
against her bosom but he doesn’t, staying motionless as she pets his hair.
“I know it’s not your fault. I know you were just confused. Please understand
that it is hard for us,” she continues, the hand on Reiner’s head feeling less
and less comforting the more she talked. “We just want to be safe before fully
trusting you again. I will have to talk to your father.”
Reiner pulls away finally. He was hoping he could convince her without bringing
his dad into this, but he should have known that would be impossible.
Another week later, and to his surprise, his dad agrees, but only on the
condition that Reiner take his phone so they could call, and that they could
have a tracker on it to make sure he didn’t leave the school. Regardless,
Reiner is glad his dad agrees, but he knows it’s only because he’s happy to see
him with a woman.
That was Reiner’s next issue, and he wasn’t sure exactly how to approach it,
but he’s taken by surprise again when the problem works itself out the
following week.
“Reiner.” None other than Krista pulls him aside in the hall at school.
“Oh hey, what’s up, Krista?” He asks, briefly glancing around to gage how much
time he had before the next bell rang.
“I’m sorry if this is strange,” she starts, wringing her fingers while working
up the confidence to ask him something. “But I was hoping you could do me a
favor.”
“Sure thing,” Reiner smiles without hesitation, still having a weak spot for
the tiny girl. “What is it?”
She shifts from one foot to the other, then glances behind her. Reiner looks to
see what she’s looking at, but sees nothing. He looks back down at her when she
takes a deep breath and begins talking.
“Come to prom with me,” she blurts out.
Reiner’s eyes widen in shock. “What?”
She holds up her hands in defense. “Well, not go with me exactly. Just buy
tickets with me. Please?”
Reiner’s face shifts into that of confusion. “What do you mean?”
“Um, Ymir and I want to go together,” she mumbles, ducking her head and
blushing. “And we figured if you and me get tickets together, then Ymir and
Bertholdt could get them together too and that way you two could…”
Reiner takes a sharp intake of breath between clenched teeth.
“I’m sorry!” She quickly corrects herself. “I didn’t mean to make you
uncomfortable!”
“No, it’s fine,” Reiner says, waving a hand at her. He clears his throat.
“Actually, I’d been trying to figure out something myself, so I’m glad you
asked.”
Her face lights up with a smile. “Oh, that’s perfect!”
Reiner chuckles lightly, “Yeah, yeah…so, it’s pretty obvious now I guess?”
She laughs with him, “Yes, kind of. I’m happy for you two though.”
“But,” he raises an eyebrow at her. “You and Ymir?”
“Yeah.” She blushes again with a little giggle. “You know, she always told me
not to bother with you. I just thought it was because she had a crush on me.”
“She was always protective of you,” Reiner muses, ignoring the first part of
what she said. He knew Ymir never liked him.
“I know, but she means well,” Krista continues. “She’s always been there for
me, and it just took me a while to realize it.”
“I know that feeling,” Reiner absentmindedly agrees.
She places a hand on his arm. “It’s a good thing we finally figured it out
then, isn’t it?”
 
It took some convincing, but Bertholdt agreed to go to prom with Ymir. Reiner
repeatedly reminded him that just because he was buying his ticket with Ymir
didn’t mean he’d actually have to spend the whole night with her. Bertholdt had
always been a little afraid of Ymir, so just the idea of having to work with
her to get this thing together was unsettling to him.
In order to keep up appearances, Reiner meet up with Krista before hand, and
Bertholdt with Ymir, and they met at the school together.
Reiner’s parents had met Krista before, so they didn’t have to do any awkward
introductions. Unfortunately, it was still awkward, because Reiner’s mom kept
thanking Krista for giving Reiner a second chance, and his dad kept telling her
not to let him stray from such a beautiful girl ever again.
They took pictures out on his front lawn like a normal couple. Reiner wore a
dark blue tux with a lighter blue tie that matched Krista’s blue dress, which
went all the way to the floor, covering her feet so she could wear flats
instead of heels. It made her look even shorter next to Reiner.
Bertholdt went to Ymir’s, and found out that her parents were the exact
opposite of what he was expecting. They were nice, really nice, almost to a
point where it was eerie. They let him in and cooed over him, dragging him into
the house and sitting him on the couch to ask him a million questions.
Apparently, Ymir had also kept her relationship with Krista a secret from them,
because they were very surprised that she finally got a boyfriend.
Ymir didn’t let the conversation go on for too long, gruffly telling her
parents to, ‘chill the hell out and quit hounding Bert – you’ll scare him.’
Bertholdt didn’t really like being called Bert but he guessed he couldn’t say
anything now, since they had to put on an act that they liked each other.
Before leaving, her parents had wrangled them into taking photos as well.
Bertholdt wore a black tux with a red tie, and Ymir wore a short black dress
with a low cut back. He was surprised at how elegant she managed to look, even
going so far as wearing heels.
 
When they get to the dance they meet outside the gymnasium. Bertholdt and Ymir
found Annie first, who was with Jean, and Bertholdt convinced Ymir to stop so
they could talk.
“C’mon, Krista will be waiting for me,” she groans, trudging behind Bertholdt
as he leads her toward Annie.
“Reiner is waiting for me too,” he mumbles back, but makes no move to change
direction.
“Hey, Bertholdt,” Annie says as they approach, leaning against the wall while
Jean took a sip from the water fountain.
“You guys are late,” Jean says as he gulps down a mouth full of water.
“Yeah, well, my parents were busy obsessing over the sweaty prince over here.”
Ymir gestures towards Bertholdt with a jab of her thumb.
“Don’t call me that, please,” Bertholdt sighs.
“What? You don’t want me to call you Bert and you wont let me call you sweaty
prince? What would you like to be called, Princess?”
Bertholdt rolls his eyes. “My name would be nice.”
Ymir just scoffs.
Bertholdt looks down at Annie. “You look nice.”
She wore a red dress, stopping just above her knees, while Jean wore a dark
grey tux with a green tie, and he guessed they didn’t plan before hand to try
and match like most couples.
“Thanks, you too,” she responds with disinterest. “Krista and Reiner are
already inside.”
Bertholdt nods in thanks and moves to follow Ymir who, at the mention of
Krista’s name, had already began heading into the gym.
The gym was decorated with cool colored lights, casting a blue glow over
everything, and reflecting off silver streamers hanging from the ceiling. There
was no stage, but they had an area in the front of the gym for a DJ, who was
playing fast paced songs for the crowd of teenagers dancing in the center of
the room.
On the outskirts of the gym were tables of food and seating. Most people were
dancing, but a few people stayed to the side, or sat in the chairs provided.
Bertholdt could see some familiar faces in the crowd, spotting Eren, Mikasa,
Sasha, Connie, Armin, and Marco all in a group. He also saw Levi, standing
grumpily to the side, eyes scanning the crowd and keeping watch.
Ymir wasted no time circling the gym to try and find Krista and Bertholdt just
tried to keep up, surprised that she could walk so fast in her heels. When they
found her she was standing by the punch bowl, chatting with some other people
Bertholdt didn’t know, with Reiner standing slightly behind her.
Ymir quickly runs up to her, not hesitating to pull her into a big hug, lifting
her up off her feet, and once again surprising Bertholdt in what she could
accomplish in heels. Krista squeals in her arms, lightly slapping at her
shoulder while everyone around just laughs.
Bertholdt walks calmly up to Reiner, trying to act normal as Reiner smiles wide
at him and eyes him up and down. He wished he could kiss him, or at least hug
him, but he knows he can’t. It wasn’t fair that Ymir and Krista could show
affection like that and no one would bat an eyelash, but with Bertholdt and
Reiner it would automatically raise a red flag, especially with their history
and rumors surrounding their names. At least with their dates being Ymir and
Krista it wouldn’t be surprising for them to be with each other, since every
one knew how close the two girls were. There had been a few comments about
Bertholdt taking Ymir to prom, finding it odd since they had never been seen
talking to each other or anything, but both of them just brushed it off by Ymir
making a joke about simply needing a guy tall enough for her.
“You look nice,” Reiner greets Bertholdt, trying his best to keep his voice low
but still loud enough to be heard over the music and people talking around
them.
“Thanks.” Bertholdt ducks his head shyly. “You do too.”
“Hey, if you two could stop staring at each other then maybe you could take us
to dance, yeah?” Ymir breaks them out of their trance by calling over to them.
They look over and she’s got a huge smirk on her face with an arm draped over
Krista. Krista playfully slaps her while everyone else laughs.
Bertholdt feels his face get hotter, and prays it’s dark enough no one can
tell, but Reiner is unaffected, or at least if he is he doesn’t show it. He
simply laughs, walks over to them, and grabs Krista to pull her towards the
dance floor. Ymir glares at their backs as they go, and with a huff pulls
Bertholdt to head after them.
Bertholdt really didn’t intend on dancing. He had assumed since they weren’t
really going together he wouldn’t have to, but apparently everyone else had
other ideas. They danced in a group, well Bertholdt mostly swayed awkwardly, so
they could be close together. Ymir and Krista stayed side by side and Bertholdt
and Reiner stood in front of them next to each other. It made Bertholdt feel a
little more relaxed, and he and Reiner were able to steal glances and even
touches, although nothing more than brushes against shoulders.
“Hey, Reiner!” Reiner turns when someone puts an arm around him in a rough half
hug. Bertholdt turns too, seeing someone he doesn’t know but who he recognizes
from the football team. “We’re voting for you for Prom King!”
“What?” Reiner laughs, “Don’t do that!”
“Hell yeah man! You’re a shoe in! Got the whole team voting for you and we’re
telling everyone else to too!”
“Ah, no, man, I don’t deserve it. Vote for Eren or something!”
The kid simply shakes his head and slaps Reiner on the back before moving away
from him.
“Hey, Krista, looks like you may be Prom Queen,” Ymir says, elbowing her
lightly. “Too bad you have to share the spot with this big gorilla.”
Reiner holds his hands up in defense. “Hey, I don’t want it! I wish they
wouldn’t, really.”
“You do deserve it though, Reiner,” Bertholdt cuts in. “You won the football
season.”
“The team won,” Reiner quickly responds, but then smiles at him. “Thanks
though.”
Ymir makes a retching noise, pulling both of their attention back to dancing.
Bertholdt was actually surprised he was having so much fun. He thought it’d be
a drag being unable to truly being with Reiner, but it wasn’t so bad, and Ymir
wasn’t so bad either once he got used to her sarcasm and snarky attitude.
It was getting towards the end of the dance, and the four of them were still on
the dance floor, sweaty and tired from the long hours of moving to the upbeat
music, when their principal, a surprisingly young woman who was known for her
high energy, stood behind the DJ booth and grabbed the microphone.
“Everyone!” Ms. Zoe yells, too loud for already speaking into a mic. She moves
to the front of the DJ stand, waving her arms and getting everyone’s attention.
“It’s time to announce the Prom King and Queen!”
Another teacher comes up next to her, holding the crowns and the sashes.
Everyone quiets down, all waiting in anticipation to hear the winners. Reiner
stands tense next to Bertholdt, but Krista stands in front of him with her
hands held up to her face in excitement.
Ms. Zoe pulls out an envelope. “First, the King.” She opens it, practically
shaking with excitement herself, and then reads, “The Prom King this year will
be…Reiner Braun!”
Everyone cheers, and anyone close to Reiner starts patting him on the back,
shoulders, and chest, congratulating him. He brushes everybody off, shaking his
head as he makes his way to the front of the room, but laughs regardless.
Bertholdt can’t help but smile as he watches the sash and crown being placed on
his head. Reiner jokingly poses once they’re on, throwing up his arms to show
off his muscles, but then instantly pulling them down and shaking his head as
everyone laughs. Bertholdt knew it was stupid, but he did feel a little jealous
that Krista was going to be the one to share this moment with Reiner, but he
shook the feeling off, instead feeling happy for Reiner. He knew Reiner
deserved it, and it made his chest swell with pride, not only for Reiner, but
also for his classmates, who despite all the rumors surrounding him, still
voted him King.
Then, Ms. Zoe takes the other envelope. “Now, for our Queen, to go along with
our handsome King.” Everyone cheers as she tears open the paper, pulling out
the tiny slip that held the winning vote. She reads it and everyone grows
quiet. Her eyebrows furrow in confusion, and she whispers, still into the mic,
“Wait…this has to be a mistake.”
Looking up at all the kids in the crowd, she slowly reads, “Bertholdt Fubar?”
There is a heavy moment of silence as everyone turns to look at Bertholdt, who
isn’t hard to spot due to his height. Bertholdt stands still with his jaw
dropped, unsure what to make of the situation. Suddenly, someone behind him
pushes him forward, and once it happens the whole crowd erupts with laughter.
Bertholdt feels himself start to panic as more hands grab him roughly and shove
him through the crowd until he’s at the front. The laughing doesn’t stop, even
reaching a point where it’s louder than Ms. Zoe’s yells over the microphone.
Bertholdt can’t seem to focus while simultaneously focusing too much.
Everything feels slow, only being able to hear the laughs and taunts as the
cruel joke suddenly sets in, with people yelling things like, ‘go to your
boyfriend you fucking pansy,’ as he’s moved against his will.
As he’s shoved forward, and then grabbed by another set of hands in front of
him, tugging him out of the crowd, he sees Levi moving from the side of the
room, jogging quickly to put an end to everything. He feels grateful upon
seeing him, but then Levi stops dead in his tracks, staring in front of him at
the person who is tugging at Bertholdt.
Bertholdt barely registers the hands grabbing him as Reiner’s as he’s pulled in
front of the entire senior class with their laughter ringing in his ears. He
looks to him pleadingly, not realizing tears are forming behind his eyes, but
Reiner seems unfazed. Then, Reiner removes the King’s crown from his head, and
then places it on Bertholdt’s. Everyone gets quiet as they watch; trying to
understand what Reiner is doing, including Bertholdt, who stares at his
boyfriend in a confused daze. Then, Reiner grabs the Queen’s crown from Ms.
Zoe, and places it on his own head.
“You’re right Ms Zoe, there has been a mistake,” Reiner speaks finally, and Ms.
Zoe is standing close enough with the mic that Reiner can be heard by everyone,
even though he is only looking at Bertholdt as he talks. “I’m the Queen, and
Bertholdt is my King.”
 Without missing a beat Reiner reaches up two hands to grab Bertholdt’s face
and smashes their lips together, kissing him in front of everyone as they all
stared in shock.
It’s quiet for what feels like forever, but Reiner doesn’t move and keeps his
lips on Bertholdt’s. Bertholdt is too surprised to even think straight, and
simply stands still, letting Reiner kiss him, but is unresponsive.
Breaking through the silence there is a yell, “Hell yeah, Bertholdt!” At the
time, Bertholdt doesn’t recognize the voice, but they start clapping and
continue to cheer, and after a moment more people join, clapping and whooping
loudly. Soon, almost everyone is cheering for them, and Bertholdt feels Reiner
smile against his lips. That’s all it takes for Bertholdt to realize the joke
is over, whoever planned it had failed, thanks to Reiner’s quick thinking, and
he smiles back, bringing his own hands up to wrap around Reiner and kissing him
deeper as the cheers grow louder around them.
Chapter End Notes
     hope you liked this chapter! once again thank you to everyone leaving
     kudos and comments, it means so so much! you guys are the best!<3
***** Chapter 24 *****
Chapter Summary
     Can't have a prom without a prom after party.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
The rest of the night is a blur. When they were in front of everyone, embraced
in each other’s arms, Reiner felt no sense of shame. It didn’t matter that
there were nasty comments or rude laughter; the cheers of support over ruled
them, thanks to the mysterious person who had gotten it going. It wasn’t until
after that Reiner felt a wave of dread wash over him. Looking out at the
hundreds of students staring back at him and Bertholdt, him and his boyfriend,
who he had his arm around, and who’s arm was around him, resting at his waist,
so unabashedly open in front of everyone. Bertholdt was tense next to him, but
he was smiling, and to Reiner that was all that really mattered. He tried to
hide his true feelings, but it was hard, and his own body grew tense as
realization set it.
He had just openly outted himself and Bertholdt in front of the whole class,
and some of his teachers. To him, this meant that he might as well have just
said it right to his parents’ faces. There was no way they weren’t hearing
about this. He could play it off as a joke, laughing and saying something about
there being no harm in kissing your best friend, but he knew that was hopeless,
and plus, he really didn’t want the smile on Bertholdt’s face to disappear.
So, Reiner tries to act normal for the rest of the night. Forces himself to
enjoy his time with Bertholdt, and tries not to think about anything else.
When the night comes towards the end, everyone is planning on heading back to
Jean’s house for an after party. Reiner already knows he can’t go, because his
parents expected him to come home right after prom, and to make sure of it,
they installed the tracker in his cell phone.
“Are you going?” He and Bertholdt are standing in the empty hallway, outside of
the gym, and away from the crowd of people. Both of them feeling tired from the
nights event, and wanting to get away from the hoard of students that wouldn’t
leave them alone. Since they were the topic of the night, everyone wanted to
talk to them. Mostly, people were nice, but that didn’t mean the whispers
behind their backs went unnoticed.
Bertholdt shakes his head. “No. Ymir is taking me home before heading to Jean’s
with Krista.”
Reiner leans heavily against the wall, next to Bertholdt, and they both look
dejectedly down at the floor, the final moments of the night forcing them to
come to terms with the fact that they’d soon be separated once again.
“You should still go,” Reiner tells him after a moment, swaying slightly so his
arm bumps into Bertholdt’s.
“No,” Bertholdt says back quickly, but softly, like he’s already made his
decision and it can’t be changed.
“Why not?” Reiner continues to press.
Bertholdt pauses. “It wont be the same.”
Reiner gives him a sideways glance. “You can have fun without me, you know.”
Bertholdt shakes his head without looking up. “No, it’s ok. I’d feel bad
knowing you were stuck alone at home.”
With a heavy sigh Reiner agrees, kicking his foot weakly at the floor, his shoe
making a squeak against the tile. “Yeah.”
After a moment, Bertholdt lifts himself up from against the wall and turns so
he’s facing Reiner. His hands are folded in front of him, holding his tux
jacket, and he stares at it solemnly before clearing his throat and addressing
Reiner.
“Hey, uh, thanks, by the way.”
Reiner snorts, but doesn’t look at him, and doesn’t move from his position
leaning against the wall. “For what?”
Bertholdt kicks at his foot lightly, face scrunched in mock anger. “You know
what.”
Reiner sends him a tiny smirk, but Bertholdt can tell it’s forced.
“I’m sorry.” He continues.
Reiner shrugs. “It’s fine.”
“Are you sure?” Bertholdt asks, because he knows it isn’t fine. Despite being
grateful for what Reiner did, he’d have to be dumb to not notice the sudden
tension in the other boy since it happened, and it only became more and more
obvious as the night progressed, like Reiner was thinking very seriously about
something.
Reiner reaches out a hand, and Bertholdt hesitantly takes it, unsure of his
motives. He pulls him towards him, so Bertholdt is standing in front of him,
and he wraps his arms around him, burying his face into his chest.
He inhales his scent sharply and mumbles, “I don’t want to go home.”
Bertholdt lets his jacket fall, not caring if it gets dirty, so he can hug
Reiner closer. “I know.”
They stand like that for a few minutes, before Bertholdt forces himself to ask,
“Are you afraid they’ll find out?”
Reiner groans into his chest and subconsciously squeezes him tighter. “How can
they not?”
Bertholdt squeezes back, his head resting against the side of Reiner’s, his
nose being tickled by his short hair as he spoke. “There isn’t a guarantee that
they will…”
Reiner pulls away and looks up at Bertholdt with a stern expression. “Are you
serious? I just announced I was gay to 300 people. I might as well have just
walked right up to my parents and screamed it in their face.”
Bertholdt’s face drops and Reiner instantly feels guilty. He grips his forearms
tightly and cranes his neck to force Bertholdt to look him in the face. “I
don’t regret it though.”
Bertholdt simply nods, but can’t help but feel guilty, knowing that it’s all
his fault. Really, the whole thing is Bertholdt’s fault. Bertholdt had always
been teased, he was always the odd one out, and being gay didn’t help. He
wasn’t doing Reiner any favors by being with him, especially because Reiner was
always put in the position of protecting him, since Bertholdt couldn’t do it
himself. Part of him thinks maybe Reiner would have been better off if he never
started hanging out with him again, if Bertholdt would have just complained and
Reiner would have gotten a different tutor. Suddenly, he becomes overwhelmed
with dread, realizing Reiner was ruining his life for him.
He looks at Reiner very seriously with wide eyes, and speaks with a shaky
voice. “Reiner, you don’t have to do this.”
“What do you mean?” Reiner asks, his brows furrowed in confusion at Bertholdt’s
sudden shift in attitude.
“This.” Bertholdt waves a hand gesturing between them. “You don’t have to make
things harder for yourself for me. I-if it’s easier, you can leave –”
Bertholdt doesn’t even get to finish his sentence before Reiner is cutting him
off. “No, no, Bertholdt. I’m not giving up.” He pauses, fuming with a new kind
of anger, and reaches into his pocket to pull out his cell phone. “You know
what? I haven’t been allowed out of my house for months. I’m fucking tired of
being treated like a goddamn child. And I want to spend my fucking prom night
with my boyfriend.” He looks at Bertholdt with a determined gaze, and Bertholdt
simply stares at him in shock. Then, he lifts his arm, takes a step, and throws
the phone down the hall. Years of football have given Reiner a good arm, and it
sores across the long hallway until it hits the brick wall, shattering to
pieces. “I’m going to Jean’s party.”
Bertholdt tries to convince him otherwise, tries to tell him it’ll only make
things worse. Even after the phone is already smashed, disabling any chance of
his parents being able to track him, even when they’re in the parking lot, even
when they’re in Ymir’s car, even once they’re outside Jean’s front door,
Bertholdt is still begging him.
“You’re making things harder on yourself, please,” He pleads as they file into
the house behind everyone else.
Everyone instantly goes into the kitchen, where Jean starts pulling his
parent’s liquor bottles out of the cabinets, but Reiner and Bertholdt hang back
in the living room.
Reiner grips him by the shoulders. “I’m already here Bertholdt, and I already
told you, I don’t care.”
Bertholdt shakes his head, even when one of Reiner’s hands moves up to cup the
side of his face. “You don’t have to do this for me.”
“I’m not,” Reiner says, and despite his earlier words Bertholdt feels his heart
drop. “I’m doing this for me.”
Then, swiftly, Reiner tugs his head down into a kiss, and Bertholdt smiles into
it, feeling a weight lifted off him regardless of every other problem
surrounding them. They’ll have to deal with the consequences later, but now,
right now, they were truly, finally, together, even if it is just for a little
while.
“Jesus Christ, you guys.” They both pull away from each other to look at Jean
who is standing in the doorway leading to the kitchen. “Get a room why don’t
you.”
There’s laughter from everyone else in the kitchen, and Reiner just shrugs
goofily before giving Bertholdt a sly smirk, grabbing him by the hand, and
pulling him upstairs.
Jean groans and calls after them, “Hey, I was just kidding!”
“Jean.” He turns when Annie nudges his arm, handing him a drink and taking a
sip of her own. “Let them be.”
He sighs heavily, but nods, taking a large gulp from his cup, and then, as an
after thought, yells again, “Take the room on the left! It’s the guest room! If
I catch you in my room I’ll kill you both!”
Once in the room, the one to the left, they made sure, Reiner wasted no time
pinning Bertholdt against the door, attaching his mouth to his in a heated
kiss. Bertholdt kisses him back with equal intensity, opening his mouth and
allowing Reiner’s tongue to play with his own. Reiner pushes his body flush
against Bertholdt’s, hands roaming down the sides of his torso, sliding
teasingly against the slick fabric of his nice dress shirt before toying with
the buttons. Bertholdt rests his arms on his shoulders, crossing them behind
his neck, and let’s Reiner open his shirt.
Reiner eagerly moves down once the shirt is open, exposing more of Bertholdt’s
tan skin to him. He litters open-mouthed kisses down his throat and to his
chest, breathing heavily, and speaking huskily over his skin. “I’ve missed
this.”
Bertholdt gasps as Reiner takes a nipple into his mouth, circling it with his
tongue, and his hands massage his sides, slipping down past his hips to his
ass. “Ah! M-me too.”
Reiner’s quick with his movements, desperate even, and Bertholdt simply shakes
against the door, gripping his shoulders tightly as he moves further down his
body.
“R-Reiner.” Bertholdt tries to get his attention, wants to talk to him, to ask
him why he’s in such a rush, but Reiner doesn’t lift his head from sucking at
the junction of his hip, tugging down his pants.
Reiner rubs his half-hard cock through his boxers, sending him a lust filled
gaze upwards as Bertholdt moans from the contact. Once he’s at full hardness,
he shifts his boxers out of the way so he can pull out his cock, giving it a
few gentle strokes before teasingly licking at the tip. Bertholdt lets his head
fall back with a tiny gasp, hitting the wood of the door with a thud, and moves
a hand to rest in Reiner’s hair. All concerns about Reiner being too fast are
thrown out the window when he takes more of him into his mouth.
Reiner takes him as much as he can, working his tongue on the underside of his
cock while bobbing his head, and he lets his hands roam up his body, grazing
over the muscles on his stomach and chest. He wants to feel Bertholdt as much
as possible. He wants to take this moment to get as much of him as he can,
because he knows in a few hours he might not ever have the chance to again.
Then, he moves to pull his pants down all the way, and when he does, he feels
something in his pocket.
“What’s this?” He asks, pulling out a packet and reading the label, which said
‘lube,’ before smirking at Bertholdt. “So, you were expecting something
tonight?”
Bertholdt blushes furiously. “I was just being hopeful…since I didn’t know when
our next chance would be…”
Reiner chuckles and stands up, placing the packet into Bertholdt’s hand.
“That’s fine with me. I always wanted to lose my virginity on prom night.”
Bertholdt’s eyes widen in shock at the implications of Reiner’s words, but just
to make sure he asks, “W-what? You want me to –?”
Reiner shrugs, turning to walk towards the bed. “Yeah. You are the King,
remember?”
Bertholdt gapes dumbly at him for a second, before following him to the bed,
kicking off his pants the rest of the way as he did. They never turned on the
lights, so it’s dark in the room, but there is enough light from the moon
outside filtering through the blinds that they can see, and Bertholdt easily
finds his place on the bed over Reiner.
Reiner forcefully tugs him down, fitting their legs together so Bertholdt’s
thigh is pressing against his erection, and attacks his lips in a feverous
kiss. Bertholdt holds himself over Reiner with one hand by his side, the other
hand gripped at the back of Reiner’s neck, as he kisses him back, feeling a
whole new wave of adrenalin wash over him.
Reiner pulls him as close as possible, wrapping his arms around his shoulders
and rocking his hips upwards into Bertholdt’s thigh, in turn rubbing his own
thigh against Bertholdt’s bare erection. Bertholdt groans at the contact, the
smooth fabric of Reiner’s nice dress pants creating a teasing sensation on his
cock.
This also makes Bertholdt suddenly aware that Reiner is still fully clothed
while his shirt is hanging open and his pants are off. Quickly, he makes work
at Reiner’s shirt, pulling at the buttons and pushing it off his shoulders, all
while keeping his mouth on his.
Reiner starts to help, eager to get his clothes off for more skin on skin
contact, and sits up so he can remove his shirt completely. Once it’s gone
Bertholdt doesn’t hesitate to start taking off his pants as well. He tugs off
his belt and Reiner wiggles out of them as Bertholdt slides them down his legs,
along with his boxers.
His cock is already painfully hard, and when Bertholdt moves back up his body
he grips it to give it a few playful strokes as he gives him another kiss,
before pulling away and sitting up.
“Turn over,” He tells him.
Reiner hesitates for a moment, confused, but then turns himself over so he’s
lying on his stomach.
“Hold on.” Bertholdt stops him, grabbing a pillow from the top of the bed and
then putting it under Reiner’s stomach before he had a chance to lie down
completely. “This will make it easier.”
Reiner just nods, letting his weight fall down on the bed, lower body slightly
raised do to the pillow, and forcing himself to relax.
Bertholdt rubs his hands over his back in a soothing motion. “This position is
better your first time.”
Reiner only nods again in response, trusting Bertholdt’s judgment. He feels
weird for a moment, briefly thinking back and wondering what it was like for
Bertholdt’s first time. Did that Erwin guy treat Bertholdt this nicely as well?
He pushes the thought out of his mind as one of Bertholdt’s hands move to his
ass, massaging him and spreading his cheeks. He knows that stuff doesn’t matter
anyway, because all the matters is Bertholdt and he just wants to take
everything that Bertholdt can give him, wants to feel all of him, almost like a
desperate attempt for them to melt together as one so they wont have to deal
with the rest of the world.
Then, his other hand, cold and wet with lube after Bertholdt had opened the
packet to coat his fingers, moved between his ass, a thumb pressing gently at
his entrance.
Reiner takes a deep breath, once again telling himself to relax. The thumb
doesn’t push into him like he expects, instead Bertholdt just massages him
there, carefully moving in slow circles. His other fingers move down to stroke
at the skin leading to his balls, and Reiner can’t help but slowly roll his
hips in response, rutting his erection against the pillow beneath him.
His breathing gets quicker, and Bertholdt takes that a sign to continue, so he
adjusts his hand to prod at Reiner’s entrance with a finger. Reiner takes a
sharp intake of breath when he pushes the finger in, but they’ve done this
before so it isn’t totally new. The anticipation of what’s about to come is
what makes it more nerve wracking.
Bertholdt works his finger in more, resting his other hand at Reiner’s lower
back and rubbing in soothing circles, matching the gentle rhythmic movements of
his finger. Soon, he’s pumping his finger in and out of him, and Reiner is
rocking his hips with him, panting lightly.
Wordlessly Bertholdt removes his finger, and then pushes back in with an added
second, making Reiner groan. He lets him adjust before moving again, shifting
his hand that was on his back to move down between his legs to massage his
balls to help him relax.
“You ok?” He asks softly, beginning to move his fingers more deliberately.
“Y-yeah.” Reiner answers, and then he lets out a harsh gasp as Bertholdt curves
his fingers forward, rubbing deliciously against his prostate. “Oh, fuck yeah.”
Bertholdt smiles to himself, and his cock twitches at the little gasps and
moans Reiner is making as he continues to massage that spot in tiny circular
motions.
When Reiner starts to pant quicker, and his hips start to rut more feverously
against the pillow, Bertholdt pulls away. Reiner lets out a tiny whimper at the
loss of contact and is forced to still his hips movements by a hand on his hip.
Then, Bertholdt takes a moment to get as much lube as he can out of the tiny
sample packet and slick up his cock before pressing teasingly at Reiner’s
entrance.
Before doing anything else, he asks him, “This ok?”
Reiner nods instantly. “Yeah. I’m ready.”
Bertholdt nods back, even though Reiner can’t see, and slowly guides himself
into Reiner. He moves at a snails pace, listening closely to Reiner’s
breathing. He’s nervous, fearing that he will hurt Reiner, and also just
because it’s been a very long time since he’s been in this position. He’s
trying to act calm for Reiner, because he knows that is can be scary doing anal
for the first time, but inwardly he is just as scared, feeling overwhelmed with
pressure.
Reiner groans as Bertholdt gets his head in and Bertholdt stops, letting Reiner
take a moment. Reiner bites his lip when Bertholdt continues, slowly pushing
himself in more and more.
“Tell me if you need me to stop,” he says, his own voice strained from the
intense pleasure of being surrounded by Reiner’s tight heat.
“It’s fine. You’re fine,” Reiner reassures him through gritted teeth. “Keep
going.”
Bertholdt complies and begins to gently roll his hips, giving short, shallow
thrusts. His mouth drops open in a silent moan, and he already knows he isn’t
going to last long with how good it feels. Reiner moans beneath him, hands held
up over his head as he buries his face into the bed, rocking his hips in time
with Bertholdt to get friction on his dick.
It’s uncomfortable, and it slightly hurts, but mostly it’s just uncomfortable.
Reiner tries to distract himself from the pain by thrusting into the bed, and
it works for the most part. Bertholdt is thrusting into him slowly, pushing his
body forward, and Reiner groans every time the head of his cock rubs against
the pillow bellow his stomach.
Then, Bertholdt drops his body forward, so his chest is flush against Reiner’s
back, and it pushes him in deeper. They both gasp, and Reiner surprises himself
with the noise that comes out of his mouth when that spot inside him is hit
again.
“Oh shit, Bertholdt,” he moans, adjusting one of the hands that was wrapped
over his head to grab for Bertholdt’s head, pulling his face down to rest in
the crook of his neck. “Do that again.”
Bertholdt eagerly listens, thrusting into him again, keeping the same angle.
Reiner moans again, pushing his hips back to meet Bertholdt’s as Bertholdt
quickens his pace. Then, turning his head, he bites at Reiner’s ear, knowing
that Reiner is extra sensitive there. Reiner shivers, gripping Bertholdt’s head
tightly, tugging at his hair as he sucked and licked at his ear, thrusting into
him faster and hitting him deep just where he needed it.
Reiner losses himself in all the sensations, with Bertholdt touching him in all
the right ways and his cock trapped between the bed and his stomach. He moans
loudly, cursing under his breath and muttering Bertholdt’s name. He didn’t know
it could feel this good, and he desperately pulls at Bertholdt’s hair and meets
his thrusts. “F-fuck, Bertholdt, fuck yes, more.”
Bertholdt whimpers in response, his voice vibrating over Reiner’s ear, and he
thrusts into him with quick jerks of his hips. Reiner can’t control himself any
longer, and he meets Bertholdt’s thrusts while thrusting into the bed below
him, and it isn’t long before he’s a sputtering mess, cumming between the bed
and his stomach while calling out Bertholdt’s name.
Bertholdt feels it when he cums, his body clenching impossibly tight around
him, and he feels a shiver quake through his body as Reiner calls his name,
causing him to finish soon after.
He takes a moment to compose himself before pulling out, and he shifts his body
so its weight isn’t on Reiner anymore.
“You ok?” He asks, head still being held by Reiner’s arm hooked around it, and
resting in the crook of his neck. He gives him a tiny kiss right next to his
ear and Reiner laughs as he tries to catch his breath.
“Better than ok.”
Bertholdt laughs with him, and even though they’re both exhausted they lie
there and keep laughing, enjoying the moment of just being happy, and ignoring
the loaming feeling of dread as they both know that soon they’ll have to face
reality.
Chapter End Notes
     I imagine their relationship to be really equal, so i think they
     would flip positions in bed a lot. Sorry for anyone who doesn't like
     bottoming Reiner, but personally i loooveee bottom!Reiner ;p
     Anyway, thank you so so so much for everyone leaving me comments and
     kudos! And special thank you to muchacha11 at tumblr for drawing some
     awesome fanart based off last chapter! You guys are all seriously the
     best!<3
***** Chapter 25 *****
Chapter Summary
     The ultimate ultimatum.
Chapter Notes
     warnings in this chapter for both verbal and physical abuse, the
     verbal being more detailed than the physical, which is not too
     graphic.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Reiner waits outside his house for ten minutes, sitting in the car in heavy
tension with Ymir, Krista, and Bertholdt. The light is on shinning through the
window, and he knows his parents were awake waiting for him.
“You don’t have to do this,” Bertholdt says, sitting to his left in the back
seat of Ymir’s car. “Not alone. Let me come with you.”
Reiner shakes his head without hesitating. “Why? So my dad can hurt you? I
don’t think so.”
Bertholdt doesn’t know how to respond to that. He wants to throw the statement
back at Reiner, pointing out how the situation is more dangerous for him, but
he’s sure Reiner is already aware of that. He is scared for Reiner. He’s heard
how Reiner talks about his father, heard how he throws around violence like
it’s nothing, and it scares him. He offers to take the bullet for Reiner,
because he hopes maybe Reiner’s dad wouldn’t do anything stupid in front of a
witness. Reiner won’t allow that though.
Reiner must sense Bertholdt’s inner worries, because he reassures him without
being asked. “It’s fine. It’ll be fine.”
Bertholdt knows he’s lying just to make him feel better, but he nods
regardless, feeling broken hearted as he does, because he knows he would lie
too.
There is a weird silence in the car. Both Ymir and Krista haven’t said a word
since they left Jean’s house, each of them knowing the severity of the
situation. No more jokes, no more teasing. Bertholdt thinks it’s kind of funny
actually, how different Ymir is right now. He never thought he’d see this side
of her, quiet and sullen, but it pains him to know she is probably reacting
this way because the situation is too real for even her to crack a joke about.
It scares him too, thinking about how he met her parents, and how nice they
were, and he remembers how he used to think Reiner’s parents were nice too.
“What are you going to say?” Ymir asks, voice so soft it is shocking.
Reiner simply shrugs, like it’s nothing. “The truth I guess. There is no point
in hiding now.”
“Reiner,” Bertholdt practically whimpers, almost silently in a pathetic plea,
next to him.
Reiner put a heavy hand on his thigh, and shakes it lightly, in an attempt to
calm him. “I have to do it at some point don’t I?”
Bertholdt stares at him with wide eyes, shocked into stillness, drifting
through different stages of anger and denial, wanting to yell at Reiner to not
risk anything, and wanting to believe they didn’t have to face this issue to
begin with.
Quickly, startling Bertholdt slightly, Reiner leans in and plants a tiny peck
on his lips, so soft and fleeting Bertholdt almost doesn’t feel it.
“If something happens,” Bertholdt starts, just as the ghost of breath leaves
his lips, but Reiner squeezes his leg harder, silently shutting him up. With
just a nod, Reiner opens the car door to step out, mumbling thanks to Ymir and
Krista, and leaves.
Bertholdt doesn’t want to watch him go into his house, because he feels like
seeing that door close behind his back will be the last sight he sees. Without
having to ask, Ymir turns on the car and drives the short drive two houses up,
stopping in front of Bertholdt’s.
He barely gets out a thank you before throwing himself out of the car, rushing
into his house, as if the change of scenery would somehow change the situation.
It’s late, so his mom is already in bed, and he goes up to his room to do the
same. He undresses, and slips into bed, but doesn’t sleep. He lies there,
staring at the ceiling, and he prays. It feels stupid, praying, but he does it,
and he pathetically asks for forgiveness, because maybe God wont care if he’s
gay, and he’ll grant him his wish in the name of true love, or some bullshit
like that. Of course, once doing it, he catches himself, and wonders if it is
even true love to begin with, and curses under his breath as his face gets hot.
 
Any sense of confidence Reiner has upon entering his house vanishes the moment
he is face to face with his parents. Both of them, sitting stone like on the
couch, waiting silently as he tiptoes down the hallway, in his mind avoiding
land mines that most definitely are there.
They stare at each other when Reiner appears under the archway leading to the
living room, and no one says anything. Reiner opens his mouth, ready to say the
words he had prepared hours earlier, but nothing comes out. There’s so much to
say, and he has to say it, but with four cold eyes glaring at him he loses his
voice. He thought he was ready, but now he knows he isn’t, and it is too late.
“Reiner.” His dad starts speaking first, with a calm and steady voice, his eyes
boring into him with a power that makes Reiner forget his own size, and makes
him feel like he is five years old all over again.
He doesn’t get to finish, because his mom’s shrieking voice is cutting him off.
“Where have you been?”
Reiner shifts his eyes to her, suddenly remembering himself again, and can’t
help but feel a pain in his chest any son would feel upon seeing their mother
cry.
“Ma –” Reiner starts, finding his voice, but then his dad stands, and his
attention is drawn back to him, making him clamp his jaw shut.
“Do you see this?” His dad’s voice is rising with each word, a hand spread in
the direction of his mother as if to put her on display. “Do you see what
you’re doing to her?”
His mom lets out a choked sob, covering her face in her hands. Reiner watches
her shoulders shake, and in the corner of his eye he can see his dad stepping
closer to him.
“You don’t care at all do you? Going off and doing God knows what while she
sits here worrying over you? Don’t you understand what you’re putting her
through? What you’re putting me through? You’re ruining our family, you selfish
piece of shit.”
Reiner’s eyes have drifted back to his father’s, and he is yelling at him now,
but Reiner is still able to hold his gaze. Part of him wants to laugh, to say
how ironic it is that his dad is claiming Reiner is ruining their marriage when
they are splitting up his relationship with Bertholdt. He wants to ask them
what it feels like. The other part of him wants to cry, because he can’t
believe they think he doesn’t care. He doesn’t want to be selfish. He spent his
whole life doing what they wanted him to do, being the best son he could be,
and they think he doesn’t care. It is not like he wants to do this. They are
forcing him.
“I care,” is eventually what he lands on, forcing the words out of his mouth,
so quiet he almost doesn’t recognize his own voice.
“Like hell you care,” his dad spits. “You care so much you disobeyed us when we
gave you a chance. We trusted you.”
“I told you, Ralf.” Reiner’s mom bellows from behind them. “I told you we
couldn’t trust him yet!”
Reiner’s dad lets her get it out of her system before he continues his own
speech. “You took advantage of our trust, knowingly going against us, lying to
us, and you except me to believe you care? Your mother has been crying all
night and you made me look like a fool!”
Reiner can’t meet his eyes anymore, instead staring hard at the floor in
between their feet. He feels like his stomach is in his throat, like he might
puke if he tries to talk again, so he says nothing.
“I can’t believe you.” His dad lets out a loud groan, pivoting on his one foot
and throwing his arms, like he’s working out some of his anger into the air. He
turns back just as fast. “We’re trying to help you, and this is how you repay
us? Going off and sneaking around with that boy? Fucking him? Is that it
Reiner, is he a good fuck?”
Reiner can’t even believe what he’s hearing, because his dad has always been
vulgar in a way, cursing a lot growing up, but never ever talked about sex, and
it feels so weird hearing those words come from his mouth. Mostly it just
hurts, like a slap to the face, the way his lip curls as he says it, disgusted
and directed right at Reiner. Reiner turns his head and looks to the side while
inhaling sharply, and deep down thinks that maybe he’d rather be hit instead.
“Is it worth it, Reiner?” His dad doesn’t stop. “Is it worth destroying this
family? Is it worth going to Hell?”
Reiner doesn’t know what to say, because he doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to
destroy his family, he loves his family, despite it all, but he can’t leave
Bertholdt either.
“Why aren’t you saying anything? Reiner? What? Do you love this boy?” And as if
his dad had been reading his thoughts he says it. He asks the question Reiner
hadn’t even known was there, because yes, yes he loves him, it hadn’t even been
a question until now, and he had no reason to voice it until now.
But he can’t. He can’t voice it. He purses his lips and his eyes well with
tears and he still can’t fucking look his dad in the face even though he wants
to scream at him, tell him how he really feels, tell him that he loves
Bertholdt, and if he doesn’t like it then he can fuck off. But nothing happens,
and Reiner wants to die from sheer shame, closing his eyes, and yelling
inwardly at himself that he is pathetic for being unable to stand up for
himself.
His silence says it all though, and Reiner’s dad curses, balling his fists
tight by his side.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
“No, no.” Reiner’s mom is speaking again, voice shaky along with her legs as
she stands, a hand running through her hair. “You can’t do this Reiner, not
when your father and I worked so hard to keep this family together.”
Reiner shifts his eyes between them, trying to comprehend what she is saying.
She stands next to his dad, putting a hand on his arm, and his dad relaxes
slightly. “You’re going to end it with him.”
Reiner bites his lip, feeling his own legs shake, and he really wishes he was
sitting, because he feels like he might collapse at any second. Slowly, he
shakes his head.
“Reiner.” His dad is talking again. “You end it with him, or you can forget
everything.”
He speaks through gritted teeth, eyeing Reiner with an unyielding glare. Reiner
gulps audibly. His dad is being vague, but Reiner is pretty sure he knows what
he is referring to. He can forget going to college, he can forget this house,
he can forget his family, and he can forget them. Literally everything, just
because they won’t accept who he is or who he loves, and it puts a dry
disgusting taste in his mouth. He feels empty and hollow, like if he puked
right now nothing would even come out, even though his stomach feels like it is
heavy in his throat.
“Please,” he finally says, words barely audible as he chokes on his own air. “I
can’t –”
He can’t finish his sentence, but he wants to say that he can’t make the
choice. It is a decision he never wanted to have to make, because he still
loves them, they did raise him after all, and he doesn’t want to pick between
family and someone he loves.
Suddenly, his dad is lunging forward, his mom getting pushed back in the
process, and he is gripping at the collar of his shirt.
“You’re going to end it with him, boy!” His dad yells, tugging and puling him
down the hallway. “We’re going over there right now, and you’re ending it with
him. I’m going to make sure of it!”
Reiner struggles against the strength of his father, and even though his dad is
strong, Reiner is still younger, and is able to pull away before they make it
to the door. The physical contact gives Reiner a renewed energy, and he meets
his dad with just as much anger.
“No!” He yells. “I’m not doing it! I’m not choosing between you and Bertholdt!”
“This isn’t a choice, boy.”
“Fuck you!” Reiner screams, voice loud and booming, but it cracks at the end,
and he’d be embarrassed if he weren’t so angry. “This isn’t my choice to make!
It’s yours!” He looks back at his mother who is standing at the other end of
the hall. Then, with a shaky voice he looks back to his father and continues.
“You’re the ones who have to choose. I spent my whole life being what you
wanted me to be, and this is the one thing I can’t help, it’s who I am, and I
can’t change it!”
“Reiner.” His dad says in a warning tone.
It doesn’t stop Reiner, who has finally found his voice and is on a roll with
it now, and he doesn’t even care if he sounds like a prepubescent boy with how
much it is shaking and cracking.
“If I go over there now, I’m not going to end it with Bertholdt. If I go…I’m
not coming back.” He inhales deeply, trying to compose himself before looking
to his mom and back again. “And I wont be the only one losing family. You’ll be
losing a son. And that’s your choice. Not mine.”
When Reiner makes to move to the door his dad grabs him by the arm, gripping
him tightly and roughly pulling him back.
“Reiner, I swear to God, you leave this house now and you’ll regret it!”
Reiner tugs his arm away and glares at him unwavering. “What else can you do?”
Reiner’s dad thinks for a moment. “I’ll call the cops.”
“I’m eighteen.” Reiner says. “And if you come to Bertholdt’s house with
something other than an apology, then I’ll call the cops.”
Reiner turns, gripping the door handle, and feeling proud of himself, but then
there are large hands on his shoulders, forcing him back around, and his back
slams against the door before a fist collides with his face.
His vision goes black for a second, and when he can see again he is being
shaken, two hands holding onto the front of his shirt. He vaguely hears his mom
yelling in the background, but he can’t understand her.
“Who do you think you’re talking to, boy?” His dad yells in his face, shaking
him again, and since Reiner is still feeling dizzy from the hit he can’t hold
his head up straight, so when his dad shakes him it lulls back, banging against
the door and making his vision blur again.
Reiner weakly grips his dad’s wrist in an attempt to pry him off of him, but it
is futile.
“I knew I should have put you in your place a long time ago!”
Even in his hazy state of mind Reiner is able to think enough to brace himself
for another hit, but it doesn’t come.
“Ralf!” He hears his mom yell, and then he opens his eyes, which he didn’t even
realize were closed, and sees his mom desperately clinging onto his dad’s back,
trying to pull him away.
She’s too weak to actually match him physically, but her attempts are enough to
stop his dad in his tracks. He grunts gruffly, and then tosses Reiner to the
floor.
“Get the hell out of my house. I can’t even look at your face.”
Reiner doesn’t need to be asked twice, and he quickly stands up, barely
registering the sting in his face and the throb in his legs as he leaves the
house, his mom’s cries echoing in his ears.
 
Bertholdt isn’t surprised when he hears a knock on his door. He rolls over in
his bed and looks at his clock, 2:45am. There’s another knock, louder this
time, not that it was necessary, since Bertholdt hadn’t been able to sleep and
was just lying awake in his bed.
He quickly gets up, feeling himself shake with nerves and anxiety, unsure of
what to expect. Running down the steps he hears another knock, and when he
flings open the door Reiner has his hand raised ready to pound at the door
again.
“Reiner,” Bertholdt breathes, feeling a wave of different emotions wash over
him. He’s relieved it’s Reiner, and that he is alone, but he sees the swell
forming on his cheek, and a harsh purple bruise forming around his neck, just
barely peeking out over his collar.
“Sorry if I woke you up. I didn’t know what else –”
Bertholdt doesn’t let him finish his sentence before he’s moving forward,
colliding into Reiner with a hug, gripping his arms around his shoulders
tightly.
“Reiner,” he says again, this time with a sob.
Reiner curls his hands around his back and rests his head into his chest. “It’s
ok.”
“What happened?” Bertholdt asks, still being unable to hold back sobs.
“Nothing. It’s fine. They just kicked me out.”
Bertholdt pulls away to look him in the face. He can’t think of anything to
say, and simply looks at him with concern.
Reiner returns the gaze, offering him a forced smile. “Is it ok if I stay
here?”
“Oh. Yeah, yeah, of course.” Bertholdt says, quickly stepping out of the way
and letting Reiner inside.
When they go to head up the stairs they both pause. Bertholdt’s mom is standing
at the top of the steps, probably woken up by Reiner’s knocking.
“Mom,” Bertholdt says as she begins heading down towards them.
He doesn’t say anything else as she heads straight for Reiner, reaching up and
placing a hand on his bruised cheek. He flinches slightly.
“I’ll talk to them.” She says, and Reiner immediately shakes his head with a
panicked expression on his face.
“No, Ms. Fubar, that’s probably not a good idea –”
She shuts him up by pulling him into a hug, and with a heavy sigh she whispers,
“You are very brave, but you can’t abandon your family.”
Reiner lets himself be held, but he wants to fight against it, because he isn’t
abandoning his family, they are abandoning him. Instead he just lets out a sob
he didn’t realize he was holding in.
She pulls away, cupping his face again, but this time with both hands.
“You’re welcome here,” she says, and Reiner nods in thanks with a tiny sniff,
unable to say more.
Then, she turns to Bertholdt, who is simply watching them silently, and she
reaches a hand out to him. Bertholdt comes closer, and she pulls him into a
hug, tugging Reiner in as well with her other arm. It’s awkward, because she is
so small in comparison and can’t reach her arms around them both, but it
doesn’t matter. Reiner bites his lip in an attempt to not cry any more, but he
wants to. He hates this feeling, because he’s happy he has Ms. Fubar, but it
just makes everything feel worse. It makes him hate himself even more, and hate
his family even more. Why couldn’t they be like her? He doesn’t want to deal
with this, but he has no choice, and it just aches, especially because he’s
pulling Bertholdt into it too. They treat him like such trash, and yet here his
mom is, hugging him like he is already part of the family.
Eventually, she pulls away, and says to Reiner, “You always were special to
me.” There is a sad smile on her face as she reminisces and chuckles lightly.
“You and Bertholdt were practically inseparable as kids. Now look at you. Who
would have thought? Well, I guess it isn’t so surprising – ”
“Mom,” Bertholdt warns, feeling a little embarrassed. She waves a hand at him
absentmindedly.
“Ok, alright,” she sighs, and then looks to Reiner again. “We’ll talk more
later. You two should get some sleep. I can trust you two in Bertl’s room,
right?”
“Mom!” Bertholdt says again. She just laughs before heading back up to her
room. They follow behind her to Bertholdt’s room.
Once in the locked dark room, Bertholdt pulls Reiner in a kiss, desperate and
seeking, like it had been years and he forgot what it felt like. Reiner kisses
him back, breathing heavily into the kiss, like he’s breathing for the first
time.
Bertholdt begins to peel off his clothes, removing his dress shirt to reveal
the white undershirt he was wearing. He ghosts his fingers lightly over the
fabric, trailing them along the collar of his shirt, just under the bruise.
Reiner shrugs and chuckles nervously. “Dad must’ve done it when he grabbed me
by my shirt.”
Bertholdt’s eyes flicker up to look at his face, but they fall back down
quickly, his own face set in a deep frown. He continues moving his hands,
slowly removing the rest of his clothes until he’s just in his boxers.
Bertholdt is already in his pajamas, so when he’s done undressing Reiner he
simply falls back onto his bed and pulls him with him.
Reiner lets himself be guided, and they cram onto the small surface together.
Reiner lies on his back, hooking an arm around Bertholdt, who lies further down
on the bed so he can comfortably rest his head on Reiner’s chest, even though
his feet dangle off the end. They lie in silence for a while, and Bertholdt
gradually begins to leave tiny kisses on his chest, slowly moving up his skin,
to his throat, and then his cheek, leaving delicate brushes of his lips over
the bruise on the side of his face.
Reiner closes his eyes, basking in the gentle show of affection.
“I’m glad you’re safe,” Bertholdt murmurs over his skin.
Reiner offers a lazy grunt in response, feeling himself drifting into sleep.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Bertholdt continues, and Reiner squeezes him tighter.
“I’ll do whatever I can to make this right,” he barely hears Bertholdt whisper.
“That’s my job,” Reiner chuckles, without opening his eyes.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.” And when Reiner falls asleep it’s with a throb in his head
and a sting tingling throughout his body. His chest is heavy from Bertholdt’s
weight and something else he can’t put a name to. Bertholdt is breathing
steadily against his neck and one of his long legs is draped over his own, and
it’s too close and too hot, but he feels surprisingly comfortable. Even more
surprising, he doesn’t feel so bad anymore.
Chapter End Notes
     I think the next chapter will be the last chapter.
     This chapter was hard for me to write, as it hit very close to home,
     and for this reason i couldn't bring myself to give them a sad
     ending, even though i feel like it is cheesy haha. I hope you guys
     like it anyway.
     Thank you for all the kudos and comments, and once again, I'm very
     sorry I am not responding to all your comments here, but I am reading
     them all, and they really mean a lot. I love you guys<3
***** Chapter 26 *****
Chapter Summary
     The End (but not really.)
Chapter Notes
     Here it is. The last chapter. It's pretty long, so sorry about that.
     Also, I'm incredibly cheesy, so double sorry for that.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
The weekend went by slowly, with Bertholdt and Reiner pretty much staying
inside. Reiner didn’t want to go out, since the mark on his face was still
fresh, even though it was the first time in months he had any real freedom. It
felt weird to Reiner, being away from his parents who had kept him on such
tight lock down for so long, but not really being that far away at all. They
were just down the street, and part of Reiner was afraid they’d be waiting for
him the second he stepped outside.
There was a lot to talk about, but they didn’t talk about any of it. Bertholdt
and Reiner simply lazed around the house, keeping to themselves, and avoiding
heavy conversation. Neither of them knew what they would do next. All they knew
was that they were here now, together, but still trapped in a way, and not
quite free yet.
When they went back to school on Monday, everything seemed different there as
well. They were treated different, the events at prom still fresh in everyone’s
mind, and they acted differently too. Suddenly, Reiner didn’t have to worry
about hiding anything, or having any bad repercussions for his actions. Sure,
some kids looked at them with unfriendly gazes, but over all it wasn’t bad.
Most people either congratulated them, or simply ignored them, knowing it
wasn’t their business. For once, Reiner was able to actually hold Bertholdt’s
hand while walking down the hallway. Usually, Bertholdt wouldn’t like public
displays of affection, but in this situation he didn’t mind it. Since Reiner
had been staying at his house he’d been having a hard time keeping his hands
off of him. He just was amazed that Reiner was here with him, away from his
shitty family, and safe with him where they could openly show love for each
other. Naturally, they avoided too much contact when Bertholdt’s mother was
around, since she teased them enough as it was, just for the sake of
embarrassing Bertholdt. School was different though, and Bertholdt felt no
shame when Reiner laced his fingers with his, and he eagerly squeezed his hand
back.
The bruise on Reiner’s face didn’t go unnoticed though. Their classmates had
been too polite to say anything. Annie did stare at it pointedly with a glint
of rage in her eyes, but said nothing, knowing that Bertholdt would have told
her if he wanted to. Their other friends, Armin, Marco, Jean, and everyone
else, had just looked at him sadly, but also said nothing. Whether they wanted
to respect Reiner by not bringing it up, or they just didn’t know what to say,
was unclear.
Reiner was grateful regardless, because he really didn’t want to talk about it.
They all knew Reiner had to face his parents after prom, so it didn’t take a
genius to figure out where the bruises came from. Reiner was more embarrassed
than anything, and not for himself, but for his family. His father had marked
him with his hate, and now everyone knew. It was embarrassing to be apart of a
family that was so ignorant, and he was ashamed of them, not ashamed of the
fact he had taken a couple hits.
It isn’t until the end of the day that someone says something, and that someone
is Levi, when he calls them both into his office. They both know what it is
going to be about, obviously, but Reiner just wishes Bertholdt didn’t have to
be there too. He didn’t want to relay the story in front of him, since it had
made him so upset before.
When they sit down Levi wastes no time getting right to the subject.
“So, tell me about your face,” he says, never one to beat around the bush.
Reiner shrugs, being unable to think of how to word it without being quite as
blunt. “I got hit.”
Levi nods slowly, fingers tracing a thin folder in his hands absentmindedly. “I
got a couple concerned reports from some of your teachers, so I have to ask.”
He tries to clarify for himself, Reiner guesses, and he assumes Levi doesn’t
really want to have this conversation either. Bertholdt says nothing, and just
ducks his head, staring into his lap.
“Everything is fine now,” Reiner says with another shrug.
Levi shifts his eyes over to Bertholdt, and Reiner follows his gaze. Once
looking at Bertholdt he knows his whole aura is giving it away, and he groans.
“I got into a fight with my dad.” He finally says, exasperated.
Levi looks back to him with an unchanged expression, and then he sighs. “You
don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. It’s just my job to ask. If you say
it’s nothing we can’t intervene.” He pauses, and tosses the folder back onto
his desk, leaning forward and folding his hands over it. Then he lets out a
deep breath before speaking again, his voice a heavy drone. “And I hate to say
this, I really fucking do…but I’ve been thinking about you two.”
Reiner and Bertholdt both stare at him in confusion.
Levi continues, looking mildly distressed, but more like he’s upset with
himself. “The last thing I want is to be thinking about any of you brats when
I’m not working…but after prom I kept thinking about you all fucking weekend.”
Both Reiner and Bertholdt are surprised by this admission, and without
thinking, Reiner mumbles, “Sorry?”
Levi rolls his eyes. “Whatever. That’s not the point. You know you don’t have
to put up with that bullshit right?”
“I’m not.” Reiner is quick to cut him off, despite the intense glare Levi is
giving him. “I left. I’m living with Bertholdt now.”
Levi looks to Bertholdt and Bertholdt nods, like he was testing to make sure
Reiner wasn’t lying about getting out of that environment.
“M-my mom is fine with it.” Bertholdt explains.
Levi thinks for a moment. “Well, don’t fuck up your scholarship. You’re lucky
to have it. And Bertholdt, you’re going to college too?”
Reiner scratches at the back of his head. “Yeah, we’re still trying to figure
all that out. This…kinda changes things. Money and all…”
Levi nods impassively. “You’ll get by. I know I did.”
Once again, Reiner and Bertholdt are shocked into silence, taken aback by how
revealing Levi is being.
With a wave of his hand, Levi dismisses them. “Alright, you can go now.”
 
That was the main issue they were avoiding, and the conversation with Levi had
just forced it into the forefronts on their minds. Bertholdt knows Reiner is
desperate to go to college, more so than Bertholdt. Bertholdt is smart, but
doesn’t feel any particular desire to do anything the way Reiner does. He has
passions for movies and art, but is unsure if it is possible to make a career
out of it. He figures he could get by regardless, and originally didn’t plan on
furthering his education because he knows how much strain it would put on his
mother. But Bertholdt knows it is important to Reiner, and it hurt him to know
their relationship is getting in the way of him furthering his education.
“You can still go back.” He says to him later that night, when they are crammed
on the small bed, limbs tangled together, and hot and sweaty from doing
something they probably shouldn’t have been doing with Bertholdt’s mom right in
the other room. Well, it wouldn’t be the first time at least.
Reiner is taken aback by the sudden shift of atmosphere in the room. He barely
had enough time to catch his breath before Bertholdt was worriedly murmuring
into his chest, the room heavy with tension instead of sex.
He pulls him closer. “Go back where?”
“Home.”
Reiner just closes his eyes, inhaling sharply through his nose, and tries to
collect his thoughts. “I’m exactly where I want to be.”
Bertholdt isn’t satisfied with that answer. “I’m preventing you from living the
best life you can.”
Reiner grips him tighter at that, feeling suddenly defensive. “No, you’re
preventing me from having an easy life, and I don’t care about that. I want the
best life I can have, and I’ve decided it’s with you.”
Still, Bertholdt is unsure. “But, your family…”
“I spent my whole fucking life with my family, and I’ve never been happy like
how I am with you. What’s the point if I’m not happy?”
“What if you change your mind?”
Reiner feels sure that he isn’t going to change his mind, but he knows that
answer won’t be enough for Bertholdt. He pauses before responding.
“You know, I don’t know. I can’t tell the future. Maybe we wont be together
forever. But, right now, I’m choosing you, and I am so sure it’s the right
choice. I know it is. Even if we don’t stay together forever, I’m doing what I
have to do.”
Bertholdt stays quiet next to him; half lying on his chest, and Reiner tugs him
upwards gently, and pulls him into a kiss.
“But, even though you don’t want to hear it, I’m pretty sure you’re stuck with
me forever.”
Bertholdt smiles, but then speaks sadly. “I don’t mind being with you forever…I
just don’t want you to regret it later. I’d hate to be the person who ruined
your family.”
“It had to happen eventually.” Reiner shrugs. “Plus, I’m glad it was you. I
honestly can’t see myself with anyone else.”
Bertholdt blushes at that, and even in the dark room Reiner can see his face
darken. He simply leans down and plants another kiss on Reiner’s mouth, this
time smiling into it. “I love you too.”
 
Even with those uncertainties out of the way, now that they both were confident
in their relationship and each other, there were still other issues they had to
deal with. Reiner was adamant before about how even with the scholarship he’d
still need the support of his parents to get by. Even if he got a room on
campus food and any other supplies weren’t included, so he’d still have to find
a way to eat and buy textbooks and anything else that was necessary.
“I’ll get a job.” Reiner tells him. A few weeks had passed, and they still were
mulling over this issue, occasionally bringing it up now and then in the
comfort of Bertholdt’s home.
Bertholdt doesn’t like hearing it, because he knows and Reiner knows how
difficult that would be. Not only would he be a full time student, but also he
needed to focus on the reason why he even had the scholarship to begin with,
which was football. College football was more serious than high school
football, and Bertholdt was concerned he wouldn’t be able to handle it all.
“I will too.” He tells him too, feeling confident in the fact that even though
it is kind of late to be looking for a summer job that he would get one,
because he had to make this right for Reiner. Part of him contemplated
bypassing going to school all together, and instead getting a full time job so
he could focus more on supporting Reiner. Unfortunately, that would mean he
wouldn’t be able to live on campus, so either they would have to get an
apartment off campus, which would just end up costing more money, or Bertholdt
would be forced to stay home, and then they would have a harder time seeing
each other.
Bertholdt mentions it later, when stating he saw an add for a full time job,
and Reiner is quick to shoot it down, immediately stating that he needs to
further his education with him.
“You’re too smart to not go to college, Bertl.” He says.
Bertholdt shrugs. “There are plenty of people smarter than me who don’t go to
college, Reiner.”
“It isn’t right for a dumby like me to be able to get a free ride to college
just for being able to throw a ball, while smart kids like you don’t get to
go.”
Bertholdt didn’t argue after that. He would go to college.
 
Bertholdt takes it upon himself to talk to his mother. Another couple of weeks
had passed, and it was getting closer and closer to graduation. Bertholdt had
been accepted into the college a while ago, but hadn’t yet talked to his mother
about the finer details. He wasn’t even sure if she could handle his extra
expenses, not to mention both him and Reiner. Especially now that his child
support had ended once he turned 18.
“Well, it was going to be a surprise,” she says. Bertholdt woke up early, so he
could talk to her before she went to work without Reiner knowing.
“What?” He asks, running a hand through his messy hair, which he hadn’t had a
chance to comb.
“I’m throwing you and Reiner a graduation party.” She smiles up at him; briefly
looking away from the lunch she was packing herself, leftovers from last night.
Bertholdt stares at her, unsure.
“It’ll be good,” she says, as if it explained everything. “I invited all your
friends and everyone in the family.” She pauses. “Your father even said he
would come.”
Bertholdt was ready to complain and say how he didn’t want a party, and he
especially didn’t want his whole family there to fawn over him and Reiner, but
at the mention of his father he looks down at her with wide eyes. “Dad said he
would come?”
She nods. “Yup, and my parents and my three sisters and their husbands and
their kids.”
Bertholdt groans. He really didn’t like his aunts, and his mother knew that,
but he still felt a nervous excitement at hearing his dad would be coming. He
hadn’t seen his dad in years, and even though he had met Reiner before, he
still didn’t know about their new relationship, and it had him mildly
concerned. He hoped it wouldn’t be a disaster in front of everyone. His mom
knew he didn’t like large gatherings to begin with, and an episode would make
it even worse, but he knew her intentions behind throwing the party. He didn’t
like it, and he was sure she didn’t really like it either, but graduation
parties usually meant money, and at this point Bertholdt could use anything
anyone was willing to give him.
 
Bertholdt didn’t know that his mom was also planning on talking to Reiner’s
parents, without him or Reiner knowing, and against Reiner’s earlier wishes.
She decides to go talk to them a week before graduation, figuring they would be
more inclined to listen.
She stops by their house after work, before heading home herself. As much as
Bertholdt’s mom liked to avoid conflict, she knew how to take things into her
own hands, something she learned from growing up with three older sisters, and
often feeling forgotten as the youngest child.
Bertholdt’s mom is not that much different than Bertholdt, though she supposes
Bertholdt gets most of his attitude from his father. His father was a quiet
man, with a slightly nervous attitude that rubbed off on Bertholdt. He hadn’t
been a very loving father, never playing games with Bertholdt or spending much
time with him at all. Bertholdt had gotten his height from him as well, and he
often came off as intimidating for being so large. When she met him she had
been intimidated as well, but soon found out he was mostly a nervous, unsure,
and attentive man.
Unfortunately, he never seemed to loosen up, and even acted unsure around his
own son, thus coming off as cold and distant. They married too early and had a
child together too soon. Despite him seeing cold and awkward, sometimes
emotionless even, he was kind, and seemed to love her. She was desperate to get
married, and thought having a child would force him to open up. It didn’t work.
She had stayed with him longer than she wanted to, until it got to a point
where both of them couldn’t handle it anymore. The effect it had on Bertholdt
didn’t go unnoticed, although she felt hopeless, since she was unable to show
him enough attention now that she had to work more to support him. It broke her
heart to think of his suffering, although minor in the grand scheme of things,
and felt incredibly guilty. She couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to
lose him completely, and the thought that any parent could turn away their own
child made her sick.
So, she feels confident when knocking on the Braun’s door, fist held high and
pounding soundly with determination.
It doesn’t surprise her when Mrs. Braun opens the door, her face instantly
shifting from one of greeting to that of distress when she sees her.
“What do you want?” She spits.
Ms. Fubar holds up her hands in defense, having no interest in fighting. “I
just came to talk.”
Mrs. Braun eyes her coldly, but says nothing else.
Ms. Fubar takes it as permission to keep talking, so she does. “I’m having a
graduation party for Bertholdt and Reiner. You two are welcome to come.”
She looks past Mrs. Braun, to see if Mr. Braun is somewhere in the house as
well. She can see the light from the TV down the hall, and wonders if he’s
sitting on the couch.
Mrs. Braun shifts her weight on one hip, so the other she jutting out, blocking
Ms. Fubar view. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”
“Are you really doing this?” Ms. Fubar can’t help but blurt out. “Are you
really abandoning your only son? You’re not even going to watch him walk at
graduation? You’re just going to forget about him like that?”
Mrs. Braun purses her lips and stares at the concrete steps leading to the
front door between them.
Ms. Fubar continues, “Do you really think it’s worth it?” Unknowingly repeating
Mr. Braun’s words from earlier. “Ruining your family because you can’t accept
Reiner for who he is. He’s a beautiful boy, turning into a great man, and
you’re going to miss out on his life.”
She doesn’t realize that she has started crying. She can’t help it when she
speaks, because just saying the words is too much for her. She can’t imagine
what it must be like to lose a child, and she thinks of all the parents and
mothers who were forced to lose theirs, and can’t even fathom the idea of
someone making that choice willingly after raising them for so long and under
such petty circumstances. She thinks about her own ex-husband, and his lack of
interest in his son, and it makes her angry, and she can’t help but cry.
Mrs. Braun still doesn’t look at her, and Ms. Fubar can’t quite read her face.
At first she looks angry, and Ms. Fubar thinks she might snap at her, but then
she swallows hard, takes a shuddering breath, and closes the door in her face.
 
When Graduation finally comes, it is a long and painstaking process. The entire
class, consisting of around 300 students, is forced to sit outside through long
speeches in the blistering heat. The boys are unfortunately stuck in black
gowns, while the girls are in blue. Bertholdt is sweating heavily in his black
gown, which is too short for him and barely goes past his knees. He feels
stupid in it, and is constantly taking his cap off to wipe at the sweat
building along his brow.
The class is organized by alphabet, so Reiner is sitting way a head of him.
Annie is somewhere behind him, not close enough for him to see. The closest
person to him is Jean, who is three rows behind him. Everyone is restless in
the heat, struggling to pay attention as Ms. Zoe gives an over zealous speech.
Bertholdt notices a few kids around him have their cell phones out, so he
decides to do the same.
He bites his lip in thought, debating on whether or not to text Reiner. Reiner
had been distant all morning and afternoon. He hadn’t said much, and he and
Bertholdt had gotten ready for the ceremony as if they were preparing for a
funeral. Bertholdt had thought Reiner would be more excited, but he had a
feeling it was hard for him to be happy knowing his parents wouldn’t be here to
watch him walk.
Bertholdt looks to the bleachers, as if he would be able to spot the Braun’s in
the mass of other family members. Of course he wouldn’t be able to, and he
figures it’s pointless anyway, knowing they probably aren’t here.
After a moment he sends Reiner a text. ‘We made it.’
He looks up, scanning in front of him to see if he can spot Reiner. After a
moment he gets a text back, and all it is is a simple, ‘<3.’
Bertholdt is mildly concerned, because he expects Reiner is say something more,
but he doesn’t push it, and doesn’t say anything else.
When it is Reiner’s turn to get his diploma, even without his family being
there, there is still a chorus of cheers and yells. Reiner is well known enough
that other families cheer for him, along with most of the student body. When
he’s in front of everyone he flashes a big smile, and holds up his arms, in a
mock show of his muscles, but Bertholdt can tell it is all forced.
He briefly wonders if the after party planned is a bad idea, thinking that
maybe it will be too much for Reiner to handle right now.
 
Bertholdt was right in thinking so, because once the ceremony was over and they
are at Bertholdt’s house surrounded by people he could feel the tension
radiating off of Reiner. Usually, it would be the other way around, but this
time it is Reiner who is tense next to him. He acts casual enough as they both
accept congratulations and cards from people. Bertholdt is surprised by how
calm he is when meeting his aunts, who are all loud and nosey, and wont stop
poking and prodding at him, feeling his chest and arms. They’re worse than his
mother and they have no shame in teasing Bertholdt either.
Reiner takes it all in stride though, even though Bertholdt can tell he is
unhappy. The party is outside in Bertholdt backyard, and Bertholdt sees Reiner
looking over at his own house every so often. Luckily, their friends show up in
time to distract Reiner from both his family and Bertholdt’s.
But Bertholdt is still anxious, for his own reasons. He is expecting his father
to show up at any minute, and he still doesn’t know how that will go. His
father lives a state over, about a 3-hour drive, so it’s understandable that he
is late.
They are sitting at a round table in the backyard, and it is starting to get
dark. Some people have already started to leave, and out of their friends only
Annie, Jean, and Marco are left sitting around the table with them. Reiner
seems to have loosened up by now, but Bertholdt can’t stop wringing his hands
and shaking his leg, bouncing it up and down rapidly. He didn’t even tell
Reiner that his dad was coming; because he figures Reiner has enough to worry
about.
Bertholdt’s mom comes over with a stack of cards in her hands, and puts them on
the table in front of Reiner and Bertholdt.
“You’re going to have to write a lot of thank you cards,” she says, sitting
down next to them.
Bertholdt grabs the cards and starts fanning through them, mumbling, “I wish
people didn’t give us this much…”
They hadn’t opened all of them, but the ones they did open had at least a
hundred dollars inside, and it made Bertholdt feel a little overwhelmed.
“Well, that’s for college,” Bertholdt’s mom scolds him, but looks at both him
and Reiner. “No spending it on anything else.”
Reiner chuckles, “Don’t worry, we wont. Thanks again, Ms. Fubar.”
She waves a hand at him. “Don’t thank me. You’ll have to send out thank you
cards too, you know. Even to my mother. You’ll want to get on her good side
early.”
Reiner laughs at that, and nods, saying he most definitely will send her a
personal card. Bertholdt blushes deeply, embarrassed that his mother is acting
like they are getting married or something, but he can’t help but smile
stupidly.
Suddenly, his mom jerks in her seat, and quickly pulls out her cell phone as it
vibrates. Bertholdt watches her closely, and sees her face darken when she sees
who is calling. He already knows without her saying anything that it’s his
father, probably calling to say he can’t make it. It wouldn’t be the first time
he backed out on plans they had made together.
To Bertholdt’s surprise, she hands the phone to him. “Here, you talk to him.”
“But –”
“No, Bertholdt, it’s your graduation and he was supposed to come see you, so
the least he can do is hear your voice.” She is too mad to talk to him herself,
and she knows if she does he will hang up before getting a chance to speak to
Bertholdt himself. She knows from past experiences that he is just too ashamed
to talk to Bertholdt, because he knows he has ditched him too many times, and
the more he puts it off the more he keeps avoiding him, until it just became an
endless cycle.
Bertholdt takes the phone reluctantly while standing. Reiner watches him with a
confused expression, having no idea what is going on, and he looks to
Bertholdt’s mom as Bertholdt walks inside the house. She doesn’t say anything
to him though, and instead just gives him a tiny nervous smile.
Once Bertholdt is inside he answers the phone. “Hello?”
There is a pause on the other end. His father is probably surprised to hear a
man’s voice instead of his mother’s and it takes him a moment to respond.
“Bertholdt?”
Bertholdt walks slowly into the kitchen, absentmindedly running his fingers
over the counter. “Yeah, it’s me.”
“Oh, hi, Bertholdt.” He clears his throat. “Congratulations on graduating.”
“Thanks.” Bertholdt replies quickly, and tries to swallow the bitterness in his
throat.
“Ah, I’m sorry I wont be able to make it to your party.”
“It’s ok,” Bertholdt lies.
“Your mom tells me you’re going to the state college?”
“Yeah,” he answers shortly.
There is a pause. “Well, maybe we can get together before you go.”
Bertholdt just hums a yes in response. He knows it’s a lie, and he’s pretty
sure his father knows it too.
He can hear his dad is about to say something else, probably an apology, but
before he can say it, and before Bertholdt can stop himself, he is blurting
out, “Dad, I’m gay.”
There is another pause. Bertholdt’s heart is beating in his chest and the phone
is shaking in his hand. He doesn’t know why, but he felt like he had to know,
like he had to tell him. He had been waiting for him to find out today anyway.
He didn’t even know if he deserved to know, considering he didn’t waste his
time with anything else in Bertholdt’s life, but he just had to tell him
anyway.
“What?”
“I was going to tell you in person,” Bertholdt explains. “But…I just thought
you should know…”
“Oh. Ok.”
Bertholdt waits for him to say more, but when he doesn’t he starts to get
angry. “Ok? Is that all you’re going to say?”
“Bertholdt –”
“No, whatever, it’s fine.” Bertholdt cuts him off. “I’m glad you’re ‘ok’ with
it I guess. I’ll talk to you later. Maybe.”
And then he hangs up. He knows he is probably overreacting, but he can’t help
it. He puts the phone on the counter, and then leans heavily over it, resting
his head in his arms. He just expected more. Something more than just ‘ok.’
What did that even mean? He would have been happier if he was mad, because it
at least meant he cared a little bit, but he instantly regrets thinking it the
second he does. After everything Reiner went through and is going through he
knows he should be grateful for him not being angry at least, but he can’t help
but feel bitter. Did he really not care about him at all? Was he that
uninterested in his life?
After a moment Bertholdt hears the back door open, and coming through the hall
is Reiner, carefully stepping around the corner to make sure Bertholdt is off
the phone.
“You ok?” He asks, taking a few steps in closer.
Bertholdt stands up straight and shrugs. “Yeah. It was just my dad. He, uh, he
was supposed to come, but…something came up last minute.”
Reiner is in front of him now, and he grabs his arms, squeezing them gently.
“I’m sorry.”
Bertholdt bites his lip. “I told him I was gay.”
Reiner looks at him in shock. “Really?”
Bertholdt just shakes his head like it’s nothing. “Yeah, he just said ok.”
“Ok?”
“Yeah.” Then, Bertholdt laughs, taking Reiner by surprise. “He just says ‘ok’
like it’s no big deal. I should be happy right?”
Reiner can see by the look on his face that he is upset, despite his laughter.
He pauses a moment before pulling him into a hug, one hand low on his waist and
the other
creeping up the back of his head. He massages his fingers on the back of his
scalp in a soothing manner. “No.”
Bertholdt drops his head onto Reiner’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I’m such an ass. I
shouldn’t be upset over this, not after everything…”
Reiner cuts him off by holding him tighter and shushing him. “You’re allowed to
be upset Bertholdt.”
Bertholdt sighs and lifts his head up. “I’m sorry.”
Reiner pulls away so he can look at him and smiles. “It’s ok.” Then, he pulls
him into a quick kiss, barely leaving his mouth before whispering; “I know we
had that falling out before…but I’m not going to abandon you again. You know I
care about you more than anything, right?”
“I know,” Bertholdt mumbles back, because he does know. It’s obvious, and
Bertholdt hates himself for still being so insecure, but he can’t help it.
“We’ll figure it out,” Reiner says, giving him one more peck before pulling
away with a smile, and Bertholdt knows he is right. With all the support
they’ve been getting he knows they’ll be ok. Even if they weren’t getting any
support he sill knows they’ll be ok, because despite everything he believes
Reiner when he says he loves him, and he feels it in his heart that he loves
him too.
They’re about to walk back outside when there is a knock at the door. Bertholdt
gives Reiner a sideways glance before heading down the hall towards the front
door. Reiner follows slowly behind him.
When Bertholdt opens the door he almost closes immediately due to shock, but
Reiner is behind him with a steady hand holding it open.
“What are you doing here?” Reiner asks his parents who are standing rigid on
the front step.
Reiner’s mom is staring at Reiner with big red puffy eyes, like she’s been
crying, and she opens her mouth to say something, but instead nothing comes out
and she just ends up opening and closing it stupidly.
Reiner’s dad grunts, sending a brief glare towards Bertholdt before looking at
Reiner, and reaches out with a card in hand.
Reiner takes the card carefully, eyeing both his parents curiously. He takes a
moment to open it, and Bertholdt looks at him to see his eyes widen.
“This is $1,000,” he says blankly, holding the check up like he couldn’t
believe it.
Reiner’s dad huffs, still not looking at Bertholdt, “Well, you deserve it.”
Reiner furrows his brow, a mix between confused and angry. “What are you
saying?”
“We want to be apart of your life.” Reiner’s mom finally speaks up. “We don’t
want to lose you.”
Reiner runs a hand over his face, feeling overwhelmed. After a moment he looks
at them seriously. “You know Bertholdt is a part of my life now too, right?”
They both look at Bertholdt, and Bertholdt struggles to meet their gaze.
“We…want to be a part of your life.” Reiner’s dad repeats.
Reiner nods, but can’t find much else to say, because the whole situation feels
surreal to him. After a terribly long moment of silence he speaks, “I’m going
to stay with Bertholdt.”
“That’s fine,” Reiner’s mom says quickly, almost like she was glad. Reiner
could tell this was hard for them, but he’s happy they’re at least trying, even
if they still were having difficulty just looking at Bertholdt.
“We’re here for you Reiner,” his dad says. “You know where to find us.”
Reiner nods again, but the fact he made a point to say ‘Reiner’ and not leave
it open to imply they were there for both him and Bertholdt doesn’t go
unnoticed.
After another awkward moment of silence they say their goodbyes and leave.
Reiner closes the door behind them slowly and stares blankly at the check in
his hand.
“I-I guess they changed their mind,” he says.
Bertholdt looks at Reiner closely. “Are you ok?”
Reiner nods, “Y-yeah, it’s just…weird, you know? I’m not sure how to feel. I
mean, I’m happy, but…”
Bertholdt pulls him into a hug, resting his chin on top of his head, and
repeats his earlier words. “You’re allowed to be upset. We’ll figure it out.”
 
Over the summer, Reiner stayed at Bertholdt’s house. He talked to his parents
occasionally, but they very strategically avoided conversation about Bertholdt.
He would bring him up just to test them, and they would humor him, pretending
to be interested. It was obvious they wanted to ignore that aspect of Reiner’s
life, and so he knew their relationship would never be the same, but at least
they were trying. It was frustrating knowing they didn’t approve of Bertholdt,
but he was glad they weren’t letting it get in the way of their family, even if
it was a little different now. He still loved them, after all.
Bertholdt managed to get some grants to help him pay for his college tuition,
and that along with the help they had gotten from his family and now Reiner’s
was enough to set him and Reiner on the right track. They were lucky, luckier
than most people, and they were grateful. Everything still felt unreal to them,
but they took it in stride, knowing everything would be ok if they just stuck
together and focused on moving forward.
Chapter End Notes
     The End.
     Thanks to everyone who stuck with me for so long, you guys are really
     awesome. Thank you for every kudos and every comment. It really means
     a lot. I had a lot of fun writing this, and I'm shocked and
     incredibly happy so many people enjoyed reading it.
     I hope you liked the ending, and I hope it wasn't too long and
     boring. I just wanted to address some issues I felt where at least
     worth mentioning. Also, I've made this into a series. I'm planning on
     writing an epilogue and some side stories involving Erwin/Levi and
     Erwin/Bertl(and Reiner.) So, if you're interested in that, be on the
     look out.
     Once again, thank you all so much<3
End Notes
     The title of this story is based of the Queens of the Stone Age song
     called "No One Knows"
      
     And I realize you're mine
     Indeed a fool am I...
     A gift that you give to me
     No one knows...
      
     [[please tell me if you find any typos or spelling mistakes, i do re-
     read and edit my work but it's hard for me to catch my own mistakes
     so help is appreciated and i wont get mad at you for pointing
     something out!]]
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