Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/3984880.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage, Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Kingsman:_The_Secret_Service_(2015)
  Relationship:
      Harry_Hart_|_Galahad/Gary_"Eggsy"_Unwin
  Character:
      Harry_Hart_|_Galahad, Gary_"Eggsy"_Unwin, Merlin_(Kingsman), Michelle
      Unwin
  Additional Tags:
      Stalking, Dubious_Consent, extremely_morally_dubious_Harry, bordering_on
      dark!Harry, Kid_Eggsy, Shota, Underage_-_Freeform, yet_kind_of_sweet_in_a
      weird_way, Minor_Character_Death, partially_off_screen_rape, not_between
      the_main_characters, Minor_Drug_Use, Extremely_Underage
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-05-22 Updated: 2017-11-17 Chapters: 60/? Words: 663665
****** No Familiar Sunken Roads ******
by SilusLocke, x57
Summary
     Harry didn't have many qualms about covert surveillance anymore. If
     he did, he was certainly in the wrong line of work. But he knew that
     if he allowed himself to be sucked into this budding...feeling,
     edging far too close to desire, watching Eggsy like this would soon
     turn from enticement to torture.
      
     Harry never stops watching Eggsy.
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
***** Chapter 1 *****
[http://img10.deviantart.net/d0d6/i/2015/095/5/0/under_the_london_eye_by_x_57-
                                 d8ojisg.jpg]
                           View_full_size (More_art)
"This is not the same river at my fingertips.
There are no paths, no sunken roads
familiar in the forest, by which we can
retrace our steps,
by which we can escape,
by which we can reclaim and return,
or hear the child's song running in the timothy..."
- Paulinskill Hours and Other Poems by John Daniel Thieme
===============================================================================
Night fell quietly the day Harry left Michelle Unwin's doorstep. He could still
hear her inside as the door closed behind him and the wintry chill in the air
bit at his nose. Thin walls. But it had been warm inside, warm like only a
family could make a room, and Harry felt that pang deep in the centre of his
chest. As he descended the stairs, flights of them in the endless concrete
structure of Rowley Way, he wasn't thinking as much of the woman who'd lost her
husband so much as he was thinking of her son.
Eggsy. Funny name, but as soon as he'd looked up at Harry with those clear
blue-green eyes, it seemed one that fit. Harry suspected the boy would be
crying much as his mother was later, when the news sank in, when his father
didn't come home, but for the sparse minutes Harry had laid eyes on him, the
boy had been quite striking.
The Unwin boy remained with Harry over the next several days, but only in
fleeting thought. After a week or so, he'd mostly put it out of his mind.
It wasn't until a year later, during a late night at the manor, that Lee
Unwin's son finally re-entered Harry's thoughts. He'd been filing paperwork,
nestling in the new with the old, lists of potential candidate families with
new children - just to keep an eye on them - added beside knights past, when
one folder caught his attention. The former candidate for the Lancelot
position. The man who'd died, saving his life.
It wasn't the first time a man had died in Harry's place and he doubted it
would be the last, but this time when he recalled that day, Harry didn't just
remember the sandy haired man with an odd sense of humble pride and a modest
background. Harry remembered the boy he'd left behind. The one who'd stared
into Harry's eyes without fear or judgement even as he'd explained to the boy's
mother how Lee had died.
Harry paused. He was surprised at just how well he remembered those blue-green
eyes. It didn't take long before he finished up that night with a notion
prickling in the back of his mind. It was a notion that led him to turn away
from his own doorstep as he returned to the city, heading north instead.
The Alexandra and Ainsworth TRA hall was much unchanged from the last time
Harry had set foot upon its grounds. He held his umbrella and briefcase with
idle purpose as his feet carried him down a vaguely familiar walk until he
spotted the door he sought two levels up in the distance.
Not just a door; a small head of auburn hair was just visible above the
concrete wall enclosing the walkway, accompanied by a small hand. Pushing
something along, though what manner of toy wasn't visible from such a distance.
After a few steps, the hand disappeared and switched to the other, contently
running the toy along the walkway rim in the other direction.
The child made a circuit back and forth, never straying too far from that
particular door, before finally disappearing from sight behind the wall. Mrs.
Unwin was nowhere in sight, but that meant nothing. Especially that the area
was unobserved. Too many windows lined the walk even if they were at a
distance.
So Harry walked on, cutting his path short and taking the stairs while the boy
was on the other side of the corner. He darted up quickly but surely, face
expressionless and eyes ahead of him as though he'd not seen the child at all,
and yet some strange sense of thrill leapt inside Harry at the sight of the
boy.
He overtook the second level of flats and continued up to the third, pausing
only when he was out of site of anyone on the level below. He moved down the
walkway at a slower pace then, bringing himself closer to where the boy was
playing until, carefully, casually, just as he heard the faint, childishly
approximated sounds of a race car screeching along a concrete wall, Harry
pressed his weight against the railing and glanced down.
And there the boy was, cross-legged on the walkway in a set of second-hand
clothes that had seen better days. A couple of toy cars sat beside him, with
one more rolling along underneath his fingers with a high-pitched humming meant
to mimic the sound of an engine. Eggsy pushed the toy around in loops, racing
against a track only he could see.
The moment was broken when another tenant walked by. The man had no time or
inclination to step around the boy, and so Eggsy was forced to snatch his cars
up and scoot back against the walkway edge before he was stepped on. His heard
turned as the adult cursed under his breath and grew fainter as he strode down
the walkway, eventually disappearing into a flat several doors down.
It was then that Harry got a really good look at him. And couldn't look away.
Eggsy hadn't grown overly much since the last time Harry had seen him, but
Harry's recollection of the boy was swiftly overtaken with this new vision of
him. With the soft sun glinting off his hair and half light falling across his
pale cheek, Eggsy was...rather beautiful, for lack of a better description. It
was the way his gaze lingered on the door his neighbour disappeared into that
gave Harry pause. Well, one of the things that gave Harry pause.
Eggsy didn't go back to his game right away. As though he were wary the man
would come back or other adults would come by. The boy was clearly used to
playing alone.
Even when he resumed play, there was an air of caution instead of the
stereotypical carefree attitude a boy of his age should have had. Eggsy didn't
sink back into his imagination games right away, but glanced around every few
minutes, just in case someone else made an appearance on the walkway. It was
only after several minutes passed that he stopped watching for trouble.
Barely another minute passed before Harry heard the the slight rasp of door
hinges and a woman's voice called out. "Eggsy? Come in 'ere, you've been out
there long enough."
Eggsy's mouth turned downward but he gathered up his cars obediently, perking
up a bit upon mention of a biscuit for an afternoon treat. The boy disappeared
out of sight and the door shut firmly behind him.
Harry stepped back from the rail and resumed his slow pace to the opposite
stairway, his thoughts churning all the while. It wasn't...a particularly brash
decision what he did next. Harry did such things all the time. It was the
impulse that was brash.
On swift legs and a turn of his briefcase Harry descended to the Unwins' door,
walking past as fast as normalcy would allow and palming a miniature device
against the door frame.
He left as quickly as he came.
When Harry arrived home in a secluded little mew of Kensington, he went
straight to his office, fired up his laptop, and dialled into a memorized
network. With minimal adjustment, he directed the focus of the receiver to a
120 degree radius, just enough to cover the extent of a small flat, and let the
sound of Michelle's voice permeate through the speakers on the wall. Just as
though she were there in the room with him.
"Do you not like the Leicester boys?" Michelle's voice came through clear,
despite the distant noise of the telly and the quiet sounds of domesticity.
Cupboard doors opened; plates clicked against one another, then against the
plastic of a tabletop. "I know they're a couple years older, but... no?"
A child's voice mumbled a response. At a second prompting, Eggsy repeated
himself. "They don't like me."
"Don't like you? That's silly. There's no reason not to like you."
"I don't like them either, they took a car and threw it away."
Harry licked his lips, waiting with keen ears as the conversation continued. It
moved at the slow cadence of Michelle's movements and Eggsy's avoident replies
until Harry imagined her sitting down at a table with her son. The longer he
listened, the more he became aware of what he was doing. Stakeouts were like
that. Ninety percent slow and idle chatter and little else. When Harry had had
enough he sank back against his chair and turned off the feed. He'd gleaned
what he wanted. Enough to satisfy his curiosity about the boy he'd left
fatherless a year ago.
Harry turned off the computer and put the little excursion out of his mind. He
went to fetch a glass of wine and a movie instead. He'd check in on the boy
again, but he'd give it a while. Just to make sure the young Unwin was doing
ok.
One flight of fancy for the day was good enough.
===============================================================================
It turned out that Harry managed to keep little Eggsy out of his thoughts,
mostly, for a while. He turned on the bug he'd left at their door occasionally,
whenever a small face set with bright eyes and soft skin edged into the corner
of his mind, but ultimately listening to Michelle talk on the phone with her
sister and only the occasional interjection from Eggsy over the din of the
telly was...unsatisfying. Harry checked the feed less as the months went by.
It wasn't until almost a year later that Harry felt the urge to visit the
Unwins in person again. The bug had finally run out of battery life weeks ago,
and he was spurred into the idea when he remembered it would be the anniversary
of Lee's death. Or around that time. Harry had strangely little interest in
checking to be certain, but he did have a keen interest in seeing Eggsy again.
The boy was outside again, easily spotted once Harry drew close to the tenament
complex. Gone were the toy cars, leaving a rather dejected looking youth
sitting on the steps of one stairwell and tossing a small rubber ball into the
air. Eggsy had grown, but was still too young by far for the notable sharp
increases of height that came with puberty. The most drastic change were faint,
purple smudges of fatigue near the boy's eyes.
From the reaction of the other tenants, Eggsy looked to be a regular on the
steps. Others passed him by without so much as a curious glance.
Harry kept his distance, Eggsy would probably move to the lower level if he
wanted to toss the ball against a wall for a game, but the feeling Harry was
struck with again at seeing the boy, even from so far away, was jarring.
It was...he'd visited Eggsy before now, twice. He'd heard the boy's voice often
enough through the speakers in his office over a glass of wine and a good
novel. He'd wondered about the boy's welfare often enough. The death of a
parent was unimaginable to a child so young, and yet it had happened. Harry
would have been surprised had Eggsy not been going through a rough patch. But
that wasn't the entirety of what struck Harry about the boy. Again, all Harry
could think was that he was...beautiful.
And so Harry strolled unseen along the lower level, taking care to listen for
Eggsy's footsteps while he moved as close as he could. He felt certain the boy
would descend soon enough. He'd spotted a group of teenagers approaching down
the long walk where Eggsy played. So, careful to make sure there were no
neighbours about and no windows directly facing him, Harry positioned himself
just around the corner of a service stairwell.
Voices rang out, the familiar pattern of call and response, and Harry heard
Eggsy get to his feet to go greet the approaching teens.
"Hey, skinny runt. Whatcha doin'? You alright, mate?"
"...guess." The boy's response was quiet enough that Harry nearly missed it in
the shuffle of feet and the sounds of hands slapping arms and backs. Eggsy was
a good deal younger than they, but there was some amount of camaraderie between
them.
"Guess what? Either you are or you ain't, and you look a bit ragged 'round the
edges."
"Is it yer mum again?"
"...yeah." Eggsy spoke again, slightly louder this time, and with a bit of an
edge. "I'm fine, though. I'm not a wuss."
"Yeah, we know you ain't," another one of the boys agreed readily. "You don't
gotta talk about it. Just, look... you don't gotta sit around on the stairs all
day neither. Stuff gets too bad, just tell yer mum that you're gonna visit, and
come over. Right?"
Harry frowned, firstly unsure whether these boys had good intentions and
weren't just looking to have a younger boy around to tease and run errands for
them, secondly rather put out that Eggsy might disappear inside. All he'd be
able to do would be to find a window if he were lucky. If he wanted to continue
this little...check-in, he decided to call it.
If he leaned back against the wall a bit more, he could make out the young
boy's profile. Harry had to staunch a smile as Eggsy's posture had changed to
match his speech, appearing more relaxed. If it was an act, it was a decent
one. Harry couldn't tell from this distance and such little context whether it
was or not.
"Yeah, alright."
"Right, well. We're going down to the Tesco and Primrose. If you still don't
want to be home when we get back, just give us a shout."
"Later, Eggsy." The older boys shuffled past and down the stairs, one of them
boldly digging out a pack of cigarettes in plain sight that he was clearly too
young to possess. From the look of them, none seemed to be bad kids at heart,
but neither were they closely supervised by their older family members. Eggsy
watched them go with an air of wistfulness in his blue eyes, then turned and
trailed after them down the stairs, breaking away at the bottom to walk towards
one of the complex's walls instead.
The boy threw the ball against the wall this time, catching it on the
bounceback. The rubber made a resentful sound against the concrete.
Harry wasn't sure whether to feel glad or sorry that he'd gotten his wish.
Little Eggsy looked so bored and forlorn loitering about. Echoes of his ball
sounded through the concrete complex and...well, it was rather difficult for
Harry to find much joy in the way he was able to watch Eggsy now.
After a few moments more, he slipped out of his hiding place and took the long
way around back up to the Unwins' door while Eggsy still idled below. The
lights were on, glowing warmly through the window, but the blinds were broken
and it took little more than a glance for Harry to see that the inside had not
been picked up for quite a while. He didn't spend much time outside their door
and he did not pass in front of their window as he could distinctly hear voices
inside, one of them familiar as Michelle. She was more animated than Harry
remembered, but her voice came with a slight slur around the end of her
sentences.
He made quick work of replacing the bug and dispelled thoughts of sticking
around longer. This time, however, Harry couldn't bring himself to leave
without catching a glimpse of Eggsy again. Before he descended the opposite
stairway, an idea came to him. He turned and, making sure Eggsy was still below
and out of sight, went to the top of the stairway the boy played below. There,
Harry unfolded a 50 pound note from his bilfold and placed it on the ground
just out of sight to anyone passing from above.
Again he went the long way back around to the other side of the flats, wary of
even the neighbours spotting him lurking for too long. He wasn't sorry to see
the money go, but again Harry found himself unable to leave once he'd found a
corner where he was out of sight again and could check on the boy.
He brought out his glasses this time, thick rimmed and studious, he'd been told
on more than one occasion. The lens nearing telephoto capabilities came in
quite handy. As did the recording function, which Harry was almost embarrassed
to find himself activating.
It wasn't long before Eggsy grew tired of taking his frustration out on the
wall and trekked back towards the stairs. If the boy hadn't predominantly been
looking down at his feet, he would have missed the pound note as he climbed.
Instead, he stopped mid-stride, nearly stumbling as his jaw dropped in
disbelief.
Fifty pounds was more pocket money than he'd seen in his life. Surprise writ
across his face, Eggsy glanced around, but no one else was in sight. Nobody
looking for where they dropped their money, and no one that could witness him
taking it. The boy's decision was made in a split-second; his small hand
snatched up the note and stuffed it in his pocket as quickly as he could
manage, and he couldn't quite help but turn and look around once more to be
certain he was in the clear.
Warmth bloomed in Harry's chest and a small grin touched his lips. He remained
absolutely still though, not wanting to disrupt the recording. It wasn't until
Eggsy had disappeared behind the concrete wall on the way back to his door that
Harry removed his glasses and tucked them into his pocket.
He left Rowley Way that day with a lighter step than when he'd arrived and the
young boy a little more firmly planted in his mind. The warm feeling in his
chest stayed with him all the way back, sweetening the air and brightening the
sun. Even the dull chatter of the cabbie he took held a slightly more melodious
tenor.
As he went to bed that night, Harry did not suspect this sort of thing would
become a routine. Indeed it didn't, but not due to any notion on Harry's part
because the very next day he and two other knights were sent off to Russia for
a long term infiltration project.
It was months before Harry returned to London, and when he did, he was scraped
up badly and exhausted enough that it was several months more before the
bewitching thought of the young Unwin entered his mind again.
Harry had kept the recording safely locked up in his home computer, and it was
with a slight sense of whimsy that he played it again after such a long time.
He'd thought about the Unwin family while he'd been away. But it was one of
those things he didn't mention to his handler even though Merlin could have
easily checked in on the boy for him. The young Eggsy trotting up the
unforgiving landscape of the TRA Hall seemed...somehow more hollow than it had
been in his memory, and so, after not much more consideration, Harry checked to
see if the audio feed was still active on the household.
The device, and its battery, had kept. Harry's speakers came to life, and a
male voice filled his ears, far too deep to be the boy's. That wasn't entirely
unexpected - people moved on, people remarried regardless of how much they had
cared for their previous partner - but the words filtering were.
"Look, I don't care about that. I wanna know where you've hid the money."
"I-... I don't know what you mea-" Michelle's voice cut off with a sound of
flesh hitting flesh - not sharp enough to have been a true blow, but a warning.
"The money. From your side jobs you get, with the birds at that salon? I need
to know where you're stashin' it. Or did you drink it all away already?"
"I don't know what you-... o-ok, right, yes. Lily and Greta have given me a bit
of pocket money for helping tidy up their places, 'cause they know assistance
don't cover hardly anything, but I haven't got it anymore!"
"So you did drink it."
"No. I-... we were out of food. Eggsy's already skipping breakfast every
morning. His grades are starting to go."
"His marks aren't poor 'cause he's hungry, it's 'cause he's bloody thick. So
you bought a bunch of rubbish health food because you think it'll sharpen him
up?"
Harry had gone absolutely still. He could feel the frown tugging around his
mouth as he fought the urge to close his eyes. Already he could make an
educated guess as to what had happened in the last eight months or so. Harry
knew she'd maintained a job at the salon since the death of her husband. He
hadn't needed the bug to find that out. What public records hadn't told him,
however, were the many occasions she called up her sister, crying in the middle
of the night after putting Eggsy to bed. It wasn't pleasant to listen to, and
so Harry often hadn't. He had found it objectively understandable though, aware
that to a certain degree Michelle had fallen into depression. Harry was missing
a sizeable chunk of time between then and now, but he doubted he needed the
details.
It was again Eggsy whom he thought of first, Eggsy's bright eyes flashing
through his memory and settling disquiet into his gut.
The argument continued while Harry's thoughts churned and stole his attention
away. Eventually the angry man left the flat, slamming the door behind him
after declaring his intent to go to the local pub, and Michelle quietly burst
into tears.
After a few minutes of muffled sobs and hiccups, small feet padded across the
carpet and approached. "...mum? Mum, it's ok. Was he mean to you again."
"Eggsy, darling, just go back to your room. Please." Michelle sniffed, throat
still tight enough that it thickened her voice. "I'll be fine."
"But you don't look fine. Why does Tom have to come over? He's so wrong. Why
can't we just get rid of him?"
"Eggsy... it's not that simple, luv."
"I don't understand, mum. I don't understand why you like him when he's so mean
to you."
Harry's frown deepened.
It was...strange how little Eggsy's voice had changed from what Harry
remembered. He would be almost nine by now, which, Harry had to admit made
perfect sense that his voice was so soft, but he'd somehow expected otherwise.
Distance and time had done that. It made him suddenly overcome with the desire
to see the boy again, whatever state he and his mother were in. Perhaps all the
more so because of that state, but Harry could not say for sure. Concern welled
within him, absolutely, and it wasn't something he was used to feeling.
Something he had not felt in some time. This boy had made an impression on him.
Harry didn't turn the receiver off, even if he would rather not have listened
to Eggsy's childish concern for his mother and Michelle's insistence upon
shutting down the conversation when Eggsy wasn't satisfied. She tried to
console him, tried to distract him, and Harry would have rather not heard a
word of it at all.
===============================================================================
The following day, Harry began to investigate who this "Tom" was.
Much as expected, "Tom" ended up being one Thomas Brunson, a man constantly
down on his luck with a history of mildly antisocial behavior, mostly involving
a bad temper and damage to property or whatever person was unfortunate enough
to be in close range. Tom had a job at a local small-industrial factory that
didn't pay enough to sustain his taste for drink or betting on sports, which
meant that his name was on the lists of a few collection agencies.
In short, someone Michelle likely met while out at a bar, looking for
companionship to ease her loneliness and depression. Tom, meanwhile, likely saw
an easy mark.
Quite a step down from her former husband, Harry surmised.
It wasn't until he made a few anonymous phone calls, impersonating one of Tom's
acquaintances and calling up Michelle's friends, that he found out how long
they'd been seeing one another and what the official status of their
relationship was. To which he found that it had been less that four months and
there was no official status whatsoever. He did get an earful from one of
Michelle's co-workers, however. From her familiarity with Tom, Harry concluded
that this was the woman, or one of the women, who accompanied Michelle on her
nights out. Harry dismissed the sister altogether. A man like Tom wasn't
something Michelle would bring up to family. Especially not when Harry already
knew how much the sister's judgement affected the woman.
Whatever Tom was hanging onto Michelle for, which Harry had already found out
through their conversation to be money, it was a waste of time. The man would
either be gone soon enough when he realised this, or he would stick around if
he were the type who liked to have a particular sort of control over the people
in his life. That, Harry could understand. Although it gave him little sympathy
for the man regardless.
Harry decided to use what little vacation time he had left to investigate
further. A trip back to Rowley Way was in order.
Evening had fallen by the time Harry made it to the complex. Street lamps
dotted the landscape here and there, but they were few and far between, giving
ample amounts of shadow useful for passing without notice. The tenements
themselves stood out in the darkness, lit from within by lamps or the cold,
flickering illumination of telly sets. People passed by on the walkways every
now and then, going out or coming back from a bit of nightlife indulgence.
Harry had dressed down for the occasion, which still put him a step above the
men he passed, just not quite so much as his usual standard would. It didn't
matter. He didn't linger within sight for long. Moving along the darkened
spaces where the lights along the walk had been broken beneath the hulking line
of the TRA Hall, Harry arrived at Michelle's flat soon enough. He picked the
lock of the service stairway and ascended to the back where the windows were
open.
From there it wasn't hard to find a perch in the darkness to watch, through the
kitchen and into the living room where Eggsy had settled down. Probably at the
request of his mother. Michelle, however, Harry could see better. Well enough
to notice one side of her cheek was markedly redder than the other.
Eggsy couldn't quite keep his mind on the telly. Michelle had put a movie in
for him to distract him for the night, but the boy kept glancing back from the
sofa at his mother, who remained in the kitchen, sorting through mail and
trying to put on a brave face. From the piles on the table, it looked to be
mostly bills and predatory credit offers.
Tom was nowhere in sight, which perhaps was for the best. The man was a
problem, one Harry wasn't much inclined to ignore. He'd drain what little
resources the family had, and men who raised hands to their partners usually
extended that violence towards the children of the household sooner or later.
It didn't take long for Harry to make a decision. He needn't even call in to
find Tom's home address; the man had already announced his destination earlier
that night. Instead, he moved away from the flat and back down on the street
before he dialled Merlin.
With a list of local pubs, Harry was able to find the place soon enough. It
wasn't Michelle's usual haunt, which had been his first try, but it still
wasn't far. Only a short walk south of the tenement complex. Harry found little
difference between the two, but for the burst of sound he encountered upon
stepping through the rickety front doors--men's voices, caught in a tone edging
between jovial and hostile, shouting between one another in the packed space.
This pub was popular, but apparently only with a certain crowd. Harry gave the
room a quick assessment before he slipped up to the bar, wary of blocking the
door.
Harry was still over-dressed for the establishment, but not so much as to
instantly draw suspicion and hostility. Some of the men eyed him, but it was
much the same as they would have given any new face. Tables were clustered with
groups that looked to be regulars, each keeping to their own while those
without a group packed the spaces in between. A couple of tellies mounted to
the wall showed a few sports channels, drawing loud commentary from those
watching.
It was a few minutes before the barkeep had any attention to spare for Harry.
After he delivered the last rounds for the men who'd queued in front of Harry,
he stuffed the quid into a grungy register and finally turned to take new
orders. "What can I do you for, mate?"
"Whatever's dark and on tap, please," Harry didn't bother downplaying his
speech. He wouldn't be there long. Having a glass in his hand would put him
more at ease though, just as it would the men around him who'd noted a well
dressed stranger in their presence.
The bartender's gaze lingered but he nodded and fetched Harry his drink while
Harry scanned the room, searching out a face to match Thomas Brunlow's license
photograph. And mugshot. Harry hadn't forgotten about that. Nothing major, just
petty theft and one or two misdemeanours, including failing to show up in
court. Harry would have faced far worse if his own actions had ever made it
passed Kingsman's wall of intelligence. Still, he declined to compare the two.
He found Tom after he'd paid for his drink. The man was standing with his back
turned to the room, enthusiastically engaged with a group taking up a table in
the corner.
Tom was quite animated, gesturing and smacking the back of one hand against his
palm to emphasize his statements. The room was too loud to be able to make out
what the discussion was at this distance, but from the expressions of the men
around Tom, it was bluster they'd heard before. One of them clapped Tom on the
back, while another rolled his eyes and buried his face in his drink.
The moment was interrupted by a commotion behind Harry. "You fuckin' tosser,"
someone snarled, and heads had just begun turning when the first blow landed. A
man stumbled backwards into the crowd lined up near the bar. Packed so close,
the impact rippled through the group, every falling backwards and jostling one
another. One man fell back against Harry, rocking him and causing his pint to
spill down his front.
Harry righted himself and rolled his eyes, suddenly thankful he had only a
cashmere sweater and a light jacket to take the damage. He set the glass down
at a table beside him as his plan of confrontation altered, turning back to the
men and the bystanders around them who'd failed to quell the fight and were now
getting pulled into it themselves. He made eye contact with one of the large
men who'd run into his back.
"Now I really think you had aught to apologize for that," Harry said just loud
enough to make himself heard, cocking his head in a challenge so polite it was
bound to have no other affect than to irritate the man. Which turned out to be
the case as he advanced on Harry, assuming to have found an easy target.
"Maybe you shoulda learned to get out the way," the man taunted back and Harry
could have smiled. He made to shove Harry in the chest and propel him back into
the room, away from the fight breaking out, but Harry caught his wrist, turned,
and sent the man stumbling forward. Straight into Tom.
Tom had only been partially paying attention, still caught up in trying to
relate his story to his friends. Harry caught a glimpse of the man's eyes
widening as he noticed the heavy body flying towards him, but it was too late.
The impact knocked Tom into the table in front of him, tipping it and, with it,
all of the groups' food and drink. Immediately, the unfortunate intruder was
rounded upon by Tom and the rest of his group.
"What the bloody fuck d'you think you're doing?" They'd only gotten a few blows
in when the target's friends spotted him across the room. It took a few
seconds, but then they managed to squeeze through to come to his rescue.
With the ensuing conflict, three quarters of the pub now had been pulled into
the fight, and Tom was in the thick of it. Harry stepped out of the way as a
group of men fell to the ground beside him. He couldn't help the hint of a
smile curling at his lips now. There was nothing quite like standing,
untouchable, within the midst of such chaos. He didn't intend to remain that
way for long, however.
While Tom's back was turned, one of his friends having caught the man he'd just
punched round the middle, Harry sent two others barrelling into their group. In
the confusion he descended upon Tom, wrapping his arm around the man's throat
from behind and dragging him toward the door.
Harry was stronger than he looked - something he'd used to his advantage many a
time - and Tom had already acquired a mild concussion from a couple of blows to
the head. The man struggled, trying to reach back to grab whoever was behind
him while pushing forward to try to get out of the lockhold, stupidly cutting
off his own air. It didn't take long for him to weaken, and Harry managed to
get the door open and drag him outside with no one the wiser.
He didn't slow down until they'd reached the narrow alley beside the building,
Tom still unable to manage his feet while tripping over the kerb and the
rubbish bins Harry pulled them behind.
Once Harry was satisfied they were out of sight, he whirled the man around and
punched him square in the face, sending him to the ground just as quickly as
he'd been righted. He didn't leave the man time to linger there either. Harry
grabbed him by the front of his shirt, brought him up again, and threw an elbow
to his face. Harry moved on autopilot, expressionless, inflicting blow after
blow to a man who could barely glimpse him through the blood pouring out his
nose and the way his head was jolted back every other second as Harry's fist
connected.
Tom didn't last long. Several punches like that to the front of any man's skull
and he was out. Harry felt only detached satisfaction as the man sank between
him and the grimy wall one last time, delirious with pain and nearly blind. His
cheek and nose were shattered. If Harry wasn't mistaken, Tom would be missing
one or two teeth as well.
Slowly Harry crouched down, leaning over his ear, careful not to dirty his
jacket even further. Tom's eyelids quivered when Harry spoke calmly. "Tomorrow
you are going to leave Michelle Unwin. You will not tell her why. In fact, you
will never speak to her or her son again. Am I clear?"
Tom made a gurgling sound that might have been assent. It was difficult to
tell, with the way his mouth was swollen. His raised hands told Harry what he
needed to know, however. Tom didn't want any more trouble. Whatever he'd wanted
from Michelle, he hadn't been expecting this and she wasn't worth this sort of
punishment.
Tom stayed down, even when Harry straightened up, turned on his heel, and began
to walk away. Harry could still hear sounds of the ruckus coming from behind
the door they'd emerged from. It would be some time before Tom's friends
noticed he was missing, if they even noticed tonight at all. It would be some
time, too, before Tom would be able to pick himself up from where Harry had
discarded him without seeing double and needing to wretch.
All in all, an efficient and remarkably satisfactory solution. Harry's knuckles
still stung from the impact, and some bruising would be likely, but such was a
price worth paying.
He went home that night and poured himself a stiff drink before bed, watching
one more time the video of Eggsy finding the prize he'd left on the stairs.
===============================================================================
Over the days that followed, Harry found out that Tom had indeed broken his
relationship off with Michelle, sending word through one of his mates while he
was in the hospital, no less, and refused to take her calls afterwards. No one
else at the pub associated Harry with the mysterious assailant, nor did Tom
have a decent enough description to give. All in all, things worked out well
for the lot of them.
Michelle's curiosity faded, her cheek healed, she got to keep what little money
she had, and Eggsy didn't have to avoid the flat any longer. Harry's
surveillance, however, increased notably.
After a few days of listening to the idleness of their daily lives through the
bug, Harry began to grow frustrated. It wasn't enough. He couldn't see how the
family was doing. And so, two weeks later, while Michelle had taken her son out
to visit her sister, Harry arrived at her doorstep again.
One of the perks of being a Kingsman was that, so long as they fulfilled their
duties and didn't draw untoward attention, very little judgment was passed on
what the members chose to do in their leisure time. Or what supplies they used
for it, so long as it was nothing irreplaceable. Harry spend the day cleverly
wiring the flat for both audio and video, with no corner spared. If there was
more surveillance in Eggsy's room by far, with many more cameras to show
multiple angles, no one was going to comment. More than likely because no one,
aside from Harry, would ever know.
As efficient as he was, it still took the better part of two hours for Harry to
connect the cameras into the electrical system and hide everything to his
personal degree of paranoia. The Unwins would be home at any minute, so Harry
didn't linger longer than he had to. He was eager to get home and test his
work, somewhat frustrated that he didn't have Merlin on the other end to test
it immediately and inform him of whatever issues or skewed angles needed to be
fixed. Doing this sort of thing by himself was invariably a much more time
consuming process.
When Harry did arrive back home in Kensington another good forty minutes later
through traffic, he found that he'd done a very decent job on the first go.
Every section of the small flat was in focus, and every corner of Eggsy's room
covered. Satisfied, Harry made a plate of sandwiches and brought a glass of
wine up to his office, settling down at the desk to work and keep an eye on his
new...'side project', he decided to call it.
The Unwins were in much higher spirits now that Tom had exited their life.
Michelle was still struggling, and Harry didn't miss the bottles of cheap
alcohol she secreted in the cabinet from their quick grocery stop on the way
home, but Eggsy looked more upbeat. Bored, in the way that children that age
often were when forced to socialize with relatives, but no longer quietly angry
or carrying a slightly defensive hunch to his shoulders. Michelle handed him
his treat for the night from the grocery bags - two candy bars and a small pack
of sodas - and the boy promptly retreated to his room, having had enough
interaction with adults for one day.
Eggsy set the soda pack on the floor and then promptly flopped across his
bedspread. He dug his Game Boy out while he ripped one candy bar wrapper open
with his teeth. The model wasn't particularly fancy or new, gotten at one of
the secondhand electronics stores on the cheap, but Eggsy treasured it. His mum
never bought nice things, and yet she'd scraped together enough to gift him
that for his birthday. The screen was a bit scratched, but it was his.
Harry's attention was transfixed. The pen in his hand hovered over his ledger
for a good several minutes before he thought to lower it and turn himself fully
to the monitor screen. He couldn't help it. The camera he'd installed in the
ceiling fan picked up the perfect angle and when zoomed in enough, he could see
Eggsy's face perfectly over the game in his hand.
This was.... This was far better than spying upon the boy from across the yard
of the complex, with such distance between them that Harry only caught glimpses
of him close up through the glasses. And here Eggsy was relaxed in a way he had
not been while playing outside, even when Harry had seen him on his own.
Eggsy worked his way through one candy bar as he played, pausing once to
wriggle a bit further up the bed until he was propped against some pillows and
more comfortable. Eyes locked onto the small screen and tapping away at the
buttons, Harry could clearly make out the small smile that graced the boy's
face. A smile that was broken as his tongue darted out in concentration.
Eggsy's face had changed. The few years since Lee had died had subtly shifted
his features, but all that had done was make the boy all the more striking.
Harry took a sip of wine. Then another. He recognised where this train of
thought was going and held fast against it. Truth be told though, he had to
admit the feeling had been a silent presence in the back of his mind for...a
while now. Harry did not often check up on the families of dead colleagues,
even ones who had saved his life and were now left out on their own. Neither
did he go out to seek vengeance upon those few individuals who threatened such
families.
It...disturbed him that little more than seeing the way Eggsy's small teeth
caught his bottom lip and sucked it into his mouth had been Harry's motivation
for putting a man in the hospital. He rather enjoyed putting that man in the
hospital. The issue wasn't so much why he had been swayed to do it either,
Harry admitted to himself. He did quite like thinking of Eggsy and...well, he
didn't have to regret that in his own mind. The issue was that he had been
swayed to action at all. Period.
The boy shifted again, legs splaying out, and that was enough to derail Harry's
thoughts a little more. Eggsy was completely unselfconscious and relaxed in
what he thought was the privacy of his own room, and the arch of empty space
between his legs threw into sharp relief just why this boy had prompted such
reactions in his favor, unlike the loved ones of other ex-associates.
Eggsy looked inviting, like a work of art that possessed sensatory qualities
beyond merely the visual. His was an aesthetic that begged to be touched and
possessed.
Harry put down his glass and ran a hand over his face. His breath came out in a
deep sigh before his fingers parted and he peered through to the screen again.
He was a grown man, well past the hormonal years of his youth. He should be
beyond this. And yet he couldn't look away.
Harry didn't have many qualms about covert surveillance anymore. If he did, he
was certainly in the wrong line of work. But he knew that if he allowed himself
to be sucked into this budding...feeling, edging far too close to desire,
watching Eggsy like this would soon turn from enticement to torture. The boy
was beautiful, laid out for Harry to see. And Harry was certain he would see
much, much more while Eggsy moved through his daily routine, but by the very
nature of covert surveillance, he was still cut off from the boy.
Truthfully, Harry would rather Eggsy never know what he had done for the boy,
leaving him cash and removing Tom from his life. It would seem too much like
pity, and Harry had to admit that partially it was. But then again, if pity was
only the half of it, the other half was not any more principled.
Almost as if summoned by the thought, Michelle knocked on Eggsy's door,
startling the boy out of his focus. "Eggsy, luv, it's almost time for bed.
Don't forget to brush this time, I don't want to hear complaints from the
dentist next time you're in."
Eggsy rolled his eyes, pausing the game and setting it aside. "Yes, mum." He
slid off the bed and, to Harry's intrigue and frustration, grabbed onto the hem
of his shirt and pulled the garment off over his head before walking over to
the room's small dresser. A drawer was opened, and pyjama pants found, and the
rest of the boy's clothes began joining the shirt he'd tossed carelessly onto
the floor.
Harry cursed under his breath and leaned against the desk as though he were
about to turn away. But he didn't. He kept staring, even switching to a camera
mounted within a loosened panel of the dresser with one of its screws missing
and carved away for an eye hole. The range was a bit limited, but not so much
when combined with the camera mounted behind the freshly painted plaster of the
wall and tucked just below a particularly vulgar poster.
Harry watched with one hand on the keyboard and the other wrapped tightly
around the stem of his wine glass as Eggsy unselfconsciously revealed more and
more bare skin.
Eggsy leaned awkwardly against the dresser, stripping one sock off, then the
other, before he straightened and his hands drifted to the waistband of his
trousers. The button and zipper were undone, and both trousers and pants were
sliding down his narrow hips all at once. Eggsy was still thin for a boy his
age, but not gaunt from neglect. The slight angles of his hipbones drew Harry's
eye downward, and every inch of his skin looked soft and perfectly smooth. His
small cock completed the picture, perfectly proportioned for his frame and
reminiscent of the flushed youth so popular in the classical paintings of old.
That perfect moment vanished all too quickly. In another second, Eggsy had
stepped into his pyjama pants and tightened the drawstrings. Covered again from
the waist down, the boy opened his bedroom door and walked towards the bathroom
to do as his mother had asked.
Harry closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he took a breath of
air.
He was not going to do this. His was not going to let himself get worked up
over a child so far out of his reach he might as well toss his computer out the
window. Harry did not want to subject himself to that kind of pining.
Except. Except that he didn't yet feel the sting of it. He'd checked in on the
family now for a couple years, but Eggsy was still new and alluring and Harry
didn't need more than that right now. Listening to Eggsy's small voice over the
last two weeks and just now seeing him as though Harry were a fly on the
wall...well, it was nice. And like it or not, Harry had grown attached.
With that, he drained the glass of wine and went to get ready for bed himself,
trying to ignore the heaviness between his legs.
===============================================================================
Time, as usual, passed too quickly, except for the days Harry spent away from
his surveillance. He tested himself and the new spark of attachment, denying
himself access to the audio and video feeds in order to prove that he was in
control and unaffected, then taking a look into Eggsy's life once he felt he'd
denied himself long enough. Long enough tended to be once every week or so,
until duty called once more and, swept up in the danger and excitement of two
missions in succession, a few months passed.
Harry didn't have many spare moments with which to dwell upon anything but the
tasks at hand, but when he did, he found his thoughts turning back to the boy
and the few memories he had.
When he finally returned home for a few days, he forwent making excuses
altogether before tapping back into the surveillance of the Unwin household.
With it being late on a weekday, he found Eggsy in his room, likely having been
told to do homework he was avoiding in favour of his gameboy. The sight of the
young boy sprawled atop his bed was satisfying enough that it took Harry a good
fifteen minutes before he checked the rest of the flat and realized that the
family was not alone.
Wrapped up with Michelle on the couch was a stocky man with dirty blond hair.
The pair were watching something mindless on TV and seemingly engrossed in it.
The man had his arm around her and she had tucked her knees up on the couch to
turn into him. And Harry did not like it.
The feeling came upon him so unexpectedly. He had barely felt anything but
detachment and purpose when Tom was so briefly in the picture. But now he found
a bitter taste in his mouth at the idea of another man intruding on the lives
of the Unwin family. Again.
Intruding, but not disrupting. At least at first glance. Michelle lacked the
drawn look about her eyes that had been present when Tom was in her life. No
visible marks on her could be seen, and the flat looked moderately clean and
well-stocked. Whoever this was, he had come into the picture while Harry was
away on work.
Michelle snuggled closer during a tense moment on the programme they were
watching, and Harry saw the man's hand squeeze her shoulder, prompting another
flicker of discontent. It was a feeling he couldn't pinpoint the source of. Was
he irritated because, having watched and touched the lives of both family
members from afar, he now regarded them as his? Or was it that this man,
whoever he was, saw and interacted with Eggsy daily and might someday become an
important figure in the boy's life?
Michelle glanced at the man and smiled, and Harry didn't stay to watch. He
moved the feed back to Eggsy's room instead and kept it there as Eggsy went
about his nightly routine. He couldn't stay away this time. Every few minutes,
when he had gone to do the laundry or left the room for any reason, he returned
shortly to check on the family. And Eggsy in particular.
The boy stayed in his room. It was obvious to Harry as it no doubt was to Eggsy
that his mother was having some comfortable alone time with her new friend, and
Harry still suspected Eggsy was pretending to either be working or asleep even
though his lights were on.
It took an hour or two more for Harry's instinctual hostility toward the man on
Michelle's couch to wan. He still wasn't happy about the man's presence, but
every time Harry switched back to them he seemed attentive and she seemed
happy.
Eggsy gradually tired of the ruse and grew more confident that his mother
wasn't going to be checking up on him anytime soon. He glanced at the door,
then got out of his chair, careful to make as little noise as possible. He
crawled under his bed, moving aside some of the storage boxes before finding
the one he wanted and pulling it out.
The top came off, and Eggsy began taking his treasures out, one by one. Glossy
sports magazine featuring popular football players. A toy gun with a container
of plastic pellets. A fancy pocket knife. A book on Star Wars, packed with
information and photos to allow the reader to sink into a fantasy universe.
Item after item was set out to be admired, far more than he could have afforded
from whatever pocket money Michelle might give him, and it was doubtful she
gave him any at all. More than the boy could have bought with the fify pound
note he'd been gifted so long ago.
Either the boy was being spolied by someone else in his life that Harry hadn't
noticed, or he'd found a way to make money on the side... or he'd been
stealing.
A snort of amusement left Harry before he caught it. He couldn't believe he'd
missed such a thing, but then again...he had been trying to limit his spying
after all. He knew there were places Eggsy went where Harry hadn't followed--
gymnastics practice for one. Still, he had not expected this.
He watched Eggsy go through one of the magazines, laying on his stomach. His
shirt rode up as he turned over and Harry got a very nice view.
It struck him as a little strange, just how much he got out of watching the boy
do essentially nothing from day to day. It was...nice, feeling almost as though
he and the boy were in the same room, so long as he didn't remember they
weren't. It made him often wonder how he would look at the boy if they were in
the same room, even doing nothing, simply engaged in their own affairs.
Eggsy paused on one particular page in the magazine. He'd been moving so
steadily that the sudden stop drew Harry's attention more closely.
Spread out across both glossy pages was a full color photo of the entire team
of Manchester United. Rather than a formal team photo, with all of the men
decked out in their official kits, this was a bit more candid. And also full of
bare skin, a step away from the standard for promotional photos. Every man wore
a colorful set of swim trunks, playfully horsing around with one another or
standing ankle-deep in seawater.
Harry raised an eyebrow. As though there were a chance that anyone would see
the expression. He watched as Eggsy lingered, half expecting the boy to move on
after another moment, but he didn't. So Harry bent closer. He moved to another
camera mounted in the headboard of the bed so he could see the boy's face.
Eggsy looked...lost in thought, almost blank but for the focus he gave the
photograph.
Harry bit his lip, knowing what he wanted this to mean, but unsure if he dared
jump to that conclusion. After all, the boy was barely 9.
Minutes ticked by, and still Eggsy didn't move on. From cross-referencing the
cameras, Harry could even see what he was looking at - the way the boy's eyes
lingered, moving over the sight of toned stomachs, broad shoulders, even the
way the water-soaked trunks clung to the men's flesh underneath. Harry didn't
miss the way Eggsy's dazed, thoughtful expression gained a flush of color,
turned to confusion, then slid into horror.
The magazine was suddenly pushed away and Eggsy ducked his head, running
fingers through his own hair before gripping it tight. Eggsy's breathing
quickened. He stood and snatched the magazine up, looking for a moment like he
was going to bin it, or perhaps rip the offending pages out. After another
glance and a long moment of hesitation, the boy tucked it back into the box,
then began to bury it underneath the rest of his stolen treasures.
Harry sat back, letting out a stunned breath. He knew it was perhaps poor
detective work to be so certain so early, but was he ever ready to conclude
Eggsy's interest in the magazine was exactly what he thought it was. If his
mind wasn't quite there yet, another part of him certainly was and Harry had to
adjust himself in his trousers.
It didn't help.
Harry went to bed that night with thoughts of the boy's pink tinged cheeks and
pert arse laying atop his bed. He imagined Eggsy shifting his hips into the
comforter while he'd looked at that magazine. Harry imagined what it would be
like to have been in that room with him, touch him, to run a hand over Eggsy's
small thigh, up and over his little arse. And Harry couldn't help wrapping a
hand around himself as he thought about it. He came with visions of Eggsy's
small teeth biting his lip in pleasure and his legs spread wider on the bed
than they had been that night, just wide enough for Harry to press between.
He went to work the following morning without guilt.
===============================================================================
After another day or two, Harry made the decision to see Eggsy again. This time
in person.
Morning wasn't an option. Eggsy had school and, despite the evidence of a
tendency for petty theft, Harry had not yet noticed the boy making a habit of
shirking off school. Which meant he had several hours in which to stew,
imagining how the encounter might go and what Eggsy might be up to in the
classroom.
When two hours after noon passed, Harry left for Rowley Way. He arrived with
plenty of time to get to a vantage point, letting him observe without being
seen.
Eggsy exited public transit right on schedule, walking the short way back to
the flat with a heavy bookbag slung over one shoulder.
Harry watched the boy jog up the stairs, mulling over the fact that there was
something vaguely lewd about school uniforms. It was in the cut of the
clothing, even though uniforms were all off-the-rack, or perhaps the implied
untouchability was the key. Eggsy disappeared inside the flat, doubtless going
to his room to change, and Harry felt a smile touch his lips at the thought of
going over the recordings later.
After a few minutes Eggsy returned, waving away the comments Michelle shouted
at him as he left. The rubber ball made a reappearance, and soon enough Eggsy
set up to play a game of catch with himself, throwing the toy against a nearby
wall to work off some of the energy he generated being pent up at school that
day.
Harry watched and carefully set his own posture, book in hand and seated at one
of the few courtyard benches. Eggsy had noticed him of course. Harry made sure
he sat far too close for the boy to dismiss him. The trick was to keep his
distance just enough so that the boy wouldn't be intimidated by playing in
front of a stranger. He had to remain just out of reach for just long enough
for Eggsy to get comfortable with him there. Comfortable enough for Harry to
unleash his ploy, no pun intended.
It was barely ten minutes later, when Eggsy had given up the ball in favour of
doing...distinctly eye-catching handstands against the wall, where his shirt
would fall down to his belly button and ride the rest of the way to his
shoulders before he had to turn over just so he could see, that Harry
discreetly let one hand fall to the leash beside his thigh. Deftly, he unhooked
it and gave a nudge to the little shaggy figure lying obediently upon the
grass. Mr. Pickle looked up at him, excited, but also bewildered. Harry raised
his brows and gave a jerk of his head, and the dog was off.
Eggsy was startled out of his concentration by the sound of excited barking.
His head turned and he toppled over, one leg hitting against the concrete. The
boy cried out, but got back up to his feet quickly, straightening his clothing
and looking with disbelief at the small, furry body cavorting in circles around
the grounds. The older man that he had noticed before was whistling in vain to
call the dog back; squirrels were infinitely more interesting than discipline.
The canine took off down the path, turning into the greener area between Rowley
and Ainsworth.
Eggsy caught a look at the older man's expression and made a split-second
decision. He took off running after the dog, the slight limp from his banged up
shin disappearing as Eggsy found his focus.
Harry watched with delight as a blur of a child rushed past him.
Mr. Pickle was already down at the other side of the courtyard and making his
turn back to tear down the opposite direction. Harry gave another whistle and a
shout, knowing they would do no good. Mr. Pickle had never been taught to heel
to either such common call. When he saw Eggsy sprinting toward him, however,
the dog was more than eager to play.
And so began a merry game of chase. For such a small dog with short legs, Mr.
Pickle was remarkably fast. Eggsy wasn't lacking in speed either, fortunately,
and while it was a bit more difficult to catch an animal so close to the
ground, Eggsy had the advantage. He knew the territory far better than Mr.
Pickle did, wasn't too far away from the ground himself, and most
importantly... did not get suddenly distracted by interesting new smells.
After a few minutes of running, Mr. Pickle failed to notice Eggsy circle around
to flank him and took quite a fancy to the scent markings on a nearby tree at
the most inopportune moment. His ears perked at the sound of footsteps nearby,
but he failed to react in time to jump out of the arms suddenly encircling him
as Eggsy pounced. "Gotcha!"
Harry caught up with them just in time, coming to a swift halt just out of
reach of the boy and his dog. He didn't have to fake a single ounce of the
delight upon his face. "Oh thank goodness." Harry righted his glasses upon his
face as though they'd been knocked askew by his quick jog over. "I don't know
how you caught him; he never listens to me and I can't get within arm's length
of him when he's in a mood to romp." Clear blue-green eyes met him and Harry
almost lost his breath. He had to catch it, although that certainly worked in
character, but he couldn't help the small smile that drew at his mouth either.
"Romp, huh?" Eggsy flashed him a smile. Getting back to his feet was tricky
with a wriggling ball of fur in his arms. "What brings you out all the way out
'ere, huh? I've never seen you before and I know pretty much everyone in the
Hall. And nobody says 'romp' around here, not like that."
Eggsy paused, looking Harry up and down. Harry wasn't dressed to his usual
standards, but even such casual wear had been tailored to fit. Eggsy's gaze
caught for a split second, and if Harry hadn't been watching so closely and so
well-trained at spotting tells and micro-expressions, he might have missed it.
"...are you lost or somethin'?"
Harry gave a small, self deprecating laugh and inclined his head. "No, I'm
afraid not. Just visiting an old friend, Mr. Garner up the walk, though he
seems to be running rather late today." Mr. Pickle squirmed in Eggsy's arms and
tried to lick the boy's face, so Harry took that opportunity to crouch down at
their level and give the dog a pat on the head. "He rather likes you I think.
Name's Mr. Pickle. Ah, not mine, that is. The dog." Harry raised his brows in
minute embarrassment. "My name is Harry. And you, my young dog-catcher, are
rather astute, aren't you?"
Eggsy had been leaning backwards from the dog's affections and nearly lost his
balance again at the sudden appearance of a hand on the dog's head, and the
accompanying closeness of Harry's presence. The boy's eyes widened. For a split
second, part of him wondered whether this 'Harry' was an undercover bobby
before he dismissed the notion as ridiculous. The Met didn't recruit from the
ranks of the posh, at least not for positions that were going out on the
street, and there was nobody worth busting at his flat complex. If he was going
to get caught, it would be while in a store doing a bit of boosting, and not
with some policeman sneaking around itching to arrest him over some stolen
knick-knacks and candy.
"I... um." Eggsy flushed, the corners of his mouth turning down in
embarrassment. "Don't know what astute is. And what kinda name is Pickle for a
dog? Is that his favorite food or somethin'?"
"Ah, well, that's a bit of a story. Mainly because Fluffy, Spot, Rufus, and
Waddlesworth were already taken. I really couldn't think of much else on the
spot." Harry shrugged at the boy's look of utter bewilderment. "And when I say
you are astute, I mean you are apt, intelligent, discerning, even 'crafty', if
you will." Harry gave the boy another small smile and raised his brow, catching
his attention firmly with the ambiguity of the word. "You'd have to be in order
to catch this little fellow. Isn't that right, Mr. Pickle?" That little
addendum would explain away Harry's deliberately inquisitive, flattering, even
bordering on flirtatious, air. If Eggsy thought on such things later. Which
Harry suspected he most certainly would.
With that, Harry dusted off his trousers and drew himself up to his feet. "Once
again, I really must thank you."
"Not a problem, really." Eggsy was still reeling from being praised as
intelligent. His mother clucked such things over him, of course, but that was
mothers for you. Eggsy suspected she would say as much even if he was dumb as a
rock, which some of his teachers seemed inclined to believe. "Seemed like you
was gonna have trouble running him down. He's pretty quick."
All at once, Eggsy realized that he was still holding the dog in question. He
glanced down at the ground, thought better of setting Mr. Pickle down, then
gave Harry a questioning look. "You got his leash?"
"Ah, yes." Harry slid his hand into his pocket as though he'd nearly forgotten
himself. Deliberately, he shifted his hips a little with the motion and watched
out of the corner of his eyes as Eggsy's attention followed. Harry produced a
slim, leather leash and bent to hook it at Mr. Pickle's collar. It left him
fairly towering over the boy, even when Harry made an effort not to and that
was difficult to avoid...noticing. He could have picked Eggsy up right then,
just as easily tossed the boy over his shoulder. Harry could toss a good many
people over his shoulder, but regardless, this child was enrapturing in his
small stature. Harry made sure, however, to downplay the emotion into a subtle
fondness. "Thank you," Harry said kindly as the boy bent and set Mr. Pickle
down on the ground again, excitedly pulling at the tether after his run.
"It was nothin'. Really." Eggsy was still wary, but a spark of curiosity had
entered his eyes as Harry had stopped towering over him and bent to set his dog
on the ground. Harry was strange and unfamiliar, at least in terms of the sorts
of people Eggsy encountered on a daily basis. He wasn't like any of Eggsy's
neighbors, or any of the kids or staff at his school. His accent, his way of
speaking, even his way of moving was different. "So, uh. Mr. Garner, huh. How
do you know him? Just, y'know, he doesn't seem the sort."
"Well..." Harry began to make his way back to the bench, but he gestured for
Eggsy to walk with him. It was casual, the way Eggsy followed his stroll and
how easily conversation came to the boy. He may not have been used to people
like Harry, but it was obvious Eggsy was used to talking with people around the
complex. "No, I suppose he doesn't, does he? It's true we don't have a lot in
common, just a couple old friends some years ago. That's what the marines will
do to you, I fear, leave you with not much but what you had to start with and a
few less friends on the way back." Harry affected a lighthearted shrug. He was
edging into some heavy territory and needed to be careful.
"I didn't know he knew anyone in the forces." Eggsy mulled over this
information, turning thoughtful. When he resurfaced from his contemplation, he
watched Harry more closely, looking for signs that he was a veteran - a limp, a
scar, a clipped gait, anything that might give him away. A tense set had
entered the boy's own shoulders as he trailed along behind Harry, staying just
out of reach. "My dad was. In the forces, I mean. Nobody will tell me what he
did, just... that he got packed off on some hushed up mission and died a hero."
Harry turned to give the boy a look and raised his brows. "That's a bit
peculiar. Sounds like he might have been onto something rather important,
although you look like you might have suspected as much already." Harry would
rather not smother the boy with seemingly uninformed sympathy. Their stroll had
slowed considerably. Harry didn't want to arrive back at the bench and have to
sit awkwardly before Eggsy bid his goodbyes and Harry waited for a man who
wouldn't return from his business trip for another week yet. Harry pressed on
only gently. "Must have happened some time ago then?"
"Yeah." Eggsy's sneakers scuffed at the concrete walkway. He swayed on his
feet, then jammed his hands into his pockets, trying to adopt a tough air to
dispel the awkwardness of the conversation. Eggsy had had too many people give
him false sympathy or worse, pity, when they found out one of his parents was
gone. "Couple years ago. I don't remember him real well. Just pieces, and
stories my mum's told me. I got his medal but it doesn't match anything I've
seen in books, so who knows. Doesn't matter in the end, really, because
whatever it was for, it still ends with him dyin' on me and mum."
"Hm." Harry gave a single nod and sat down on the bench as they arrived. He
leaned back with one arm spread over the bench Mr. Pickle obediently settling
down at his feet. Harry gave the boy an appraising look. "Perhaps you'll do
better someday. I saw those handstands." With the inflection in his tone and a
pointed gaze, Harry made it clear that he was impressed. And also that he was
willing to change the subject. Having this little, broken bit of conversation
would come in handy later on, but that was enough for now. Harry put on a
pleasant front and a curious nod of the head. "What else can you do?"
Eggsy's reaction was instantaneous. Red colour rushed through his cheeks up to
his ears, and he shrugged. "Oh. I... y'know, stuff. Some of the older blokes
have taken me down t'the park every now an' then, to go toss a ball around.
I've gotten pretty good with catching ricochet shots against the wall, too.
I've tried some flips and stuff, but people keep telling my mum and she yells
that I'm gonna break my head open, so I don't try that as much anymore."
"No? Well just don't do it over concrete and you'll be fine. Look here, plenty
of grass; most of it's a bit soggy even!" Harry let his mouth draw into a smile
when he caught the boy fighting one of his own. "Go on, show me something. I've
got time to kill and I won't keep you long if your mother's expecting you
back." Mr. Pickle gave a huff of a bark, sensing Harry's enthusiasm and it only
seemed to add to the entreaty. Harry let more of his affection seep into his
gaze, noticing the way Eggsy had a hard time meeting his eyes.
"I... I dunno..." Eggsy shifted, unsure of what to do. Being noted by adults
and praised was something he longed for, but it was one thing to want that with
his mother, or his teachers, or his neighbors and older friends. Harry was a
complete stranger, in more ways than one; from his accent, it was likely he
lived in a completely different part of London that may as well have been
another country. There was no reason for him to take interest in a random boy,
even if it was one who'd done him the favour of catching his dog. Eggsy became
even more uncertain as a thought occurred: maybe Harry just wanted a laugh,
wanted him to embarrass himself. Enough kids had done it before that it didn't
seem out of the question that a stranger might want to tease him into acting
the fool so he could have a bit of a laugh. "I'm really not that good, honest."
Harry fixed the boy with a look of mock seriousness. "Really," he deadpanned.
When Eggsy just looked up at him from underneath pale lashes and an
indescribably delicate pout, Harry had to tear his gaze away. Instead he sighed
and cast his eyes skyward. "Alright then. If that's the case...." Deftly, he
tied Mr. Pickle's leash to the arm of the bench and climbed to his feet. Eggsy
stepped back in confusion, especially when Harry unbuttoned the tweed jacket he
wore and laid it over the bench before loosening his cuffs. He gave the boy a
challenging quirk of his brow for good measure. "How about this. If you can't
beat me, then I'll concede." And with that, he rolled his shoulders and tipped
himself upside down to walk on his hands across the indeed mushy grass.
Eggsy watched, his jaw progressively dropping further as Harry stripped his
jacket off, bared his arms, and inverted himself. Not only was the stunt
entirely unexpected from an adult, and a posh one at that, but the very novelty
of it caused Eggsy to stare.
It didn't help that Harry's waist was now eye level, or that his now-bared arms
shifted and bunched as he moved with toned muscle that hadn't been apparent
underneath his jacket sleeves.
Harry kept going, balanced the whole way until he reached the other side of the
grassy patch and righted himself again. When he turned with a smile and the
slight quirk of a brow, Eggsy bristled. He'd been picked on too many times by
kids at school from families with better means, heard too many despairing
comments from his mother about the Tories and rich people in government making
common folks suffer. He wasn't, couldn't be shown up by this complete stranger,
especially right outside his own flat. It didn't matter that nobody else was
watching, Eggsy would know and remember.
The boy shot Harry a defiant look and, after a second, flipped over onto his
palms and began to follow Harry's trail across the grass, if a bit more wobbly
than the older man had done it.
"There you go!" Harry called, brushing his hands off before planting them at
his hips.
He couldn't keep the smile off his face, not when Eggsy was walking toward him
upside down like that, awkward over the sodden grass, but every step
determined. The boy's shirt was sliding down again, and Harry caught more than
a flash of lean, pale skin before Eggsy finished in front of him and tipped
over again, feet plopping with a squelch down on the ground.
Harry made a point of bending over and looking a little more winded than he
actually was. "You thought I was having a laugh at you, didn't you?" Harry
leveled his gaze with Eggsy's haughty one. "I assure you, I'm not."
Eggsy crossed his arms, heedless of the damp and soil that rubbed off onto his
shirt. "How come, then? I mean, you wanted to see me do it for a reason. Tryin'
to make me fall on my arse seems pretty likely t'me." The boy shifted, his eyes
darting and taking in Harry's state. Harry was closer again, the smile from
earlier not quiet gone as he caught his breath. Or pretended to. "Gotta say, I
didn't think you could do it neither. Older people usually aren't that flexible
and such. Is that a soldier thing?"
Harry clicked his mouth shut and adjusted his glasses. "I'm not that old," he
sniffed. "I wanted you to do it because you'd done it before and for some
reason the idea of doing it in front of someone else gave you pause." Harry
reached out and clapped the boy on the shoulder as he strolled back to the
bench. "You shouldn't be intimidated by me, Eggsy. You don't even know me, so
what does does it matter? If you can do something well, don't let someone
else's judgement stop you."
"Yeah, well, you can say that 'cause you're not in school. Nobody's going to
mess with a soldier," Eggsy sniffed. After a moment's hesitation, he followed
Harry back towards the bench where Mr. Pickle sat and watched, tail thumping
happily against the ground. "Doesn't matter if you don't know people or not.
People get mean. Sometimes even people you know."
That brought Harry up short. He gave the boy a look. "Yes, I suppose they do."
With a little more care, he sat back down and fixed his gaze on the boy. "I'd
rather not presume to tell you what to do with your life either." He had
Eggsy's attention now. Harry knew it. And that meant it was time for him to go.
No conditional added onto the end of that statement. No more 'life lessons' or
bits of coincidence for the boy. Harry glanced down, eye catching on his watch
and his mouth pulled into a frown. He looked back up to Eggsy and sighed. "But
I'm afraid I ought to see what's become of my old friend. And I shouldn't keep
you any longer."
Eggsy frowned for a split second before nodding. The strange visitor was out of
place, and a bit irritating at times, but he didn't seem to mean it when he
was. And he was interesting, more so than some of the other visitors his
neighbors got. An ex-soldier was a step above the usual patrons of the local
pubs, or new mates that came over during football matches. "...yeah. Probably
time for me to go in anyway."
With that, Eggsy started to walk off. It was only after catching a glimpse of
Harry's expression, slightly disapproving, that the boy paused. "Right. Um,
cheers. And good luck with Mr. Garner."
Harry gave a little wave back. "Thank you, on Mr. Pickle's behalf as well."
With that, Eggsy trod off and Harry stood, making a show of gathering his coat
and the dog's leash. He took one last look at the boy, he really couldn't help
it, before making his way vaguely in the direction of one Jeffrey Garner's
door, ostensibly to see if the man had returned while Harry had been
distracted. Once he was far enough out of sight, however, Harry dropped the
act.
He left the complex and made it all the way to the street before he had to stop
and take off his glasses, rub at his temple, and wonder just what the hell he
was doing. He allowed himself five seconds worth of visible fatigue and then
righted his posture and schooled his expression. The adrenaline and the turmoil
inside his head, however, did not dissipate.
That night, Harry saved the footage he'd taken to his home computer and brought
up the feeds to the Unwin household like he had done often enough days prior.
It felt stranger now, having interacted with Eggsy face to face, to see his
inner world again. Not that it stopped Harry.
A quick rewind showed standard scenes of domesticity - Michelle bustling around
in the kitchen, a dinner gathering, and Eggsy retreating to his room with a
backpack slung over one shoulder. Surprisingly, the boy hadn't immediately
defied Michelle's insistance that he do his homework first; Eggsy spread out
atop his bed rather than using the desk in one corner, plugging away at his
maths without showing any signs of struggle.
Far more interesting than Eggsy's effortless maths skill was the hem of his
shirt. Rucked up from when he'd slid backwards on the bed, a line of pale skin
was visible just above the waistband of his trousers, offering a small glimpse
of the curved dip of the boy's spine.
Harry slid down in his seat, trying and failing to tear his eyes away from the
sight. How easily he could remember being so close to that swath of skin just
hours prior. Just before Eggsy's curious, cautious eyes locked on him and made
Harry feel ten times lighter. Light enough to walk on his hands. Now, however,
all he could feel was a particular sort of longing in his gut, warm and very
persistent. His hand went to his temple again as he watched the boy. As minutes
ticked by, Harry grew more comfortable just watching again. Seeing Eggsy in
living colour had been worlds apart from this, but this was a moment of quiet
for the boy, with no one else watching him. No one to guard against.
Eggsy finished with his homework and tossed the book aside, rolling over to
stare at the ceiling for a long moment. A thoughtful, slightly guilty look
passed across his features, and after a glance at the bedroom door, he rolled
off the bed. He grabbed the nearby desk chair and wedged it under the door
handle before he returned and stooped to retrieve the box underneath his bed.
Something new was in it this time. Battered from being paged through too many
times, the date on the magazine was from a few years ago. It was also,
undeniably, one that was marketed towards women from the large font declaring
the publication to be Playgirl Magazine. More than likely, Eggsy had lifted it
from some stash his mother kept in the house, or from some girl at school,
rather than risk being caught shoplifting an item that would raise
uncomfortable questions.
Harry found himself drawing closer to the screen. Eggsy was no longer a passive
recipient of his gaze as the boy climbed back up on the bed. The strangeness
Harry had felt watching the boy just minutes ago now that they had met again
dissipated completely with his renewed interest. Harry flipped from one camera
to another until the boy settled and Harry could see both his face and the
magazine. He needed to know what Eggsy was looking at almost more than he
desired to see the way Eggsy looked himself while doing so. Almost. It was
compulsive, that need to know.
Eggsy completely skipped the articles, concentrating on the photographs with a
strange intensity. The more he flipped through, glancing from bared chest to
defined jaw to the tantilizing line of a groin cut thwarted by a strategically
placed hand, towel, or thigh... the more his brows drew together. The boy's
hips shifted against the bed, and immediately Eggsy gained a look of distress.
One hand clamped over his mouth.
Eggsy wasn't quite at an age yet where there were expectations about flirting
and dating. He wasn't old enough to be teased about finding a girl, or
pressured into gaining some stories of conquests, but he was certainly old
enough to have heard and seen derogatory comments about homosexuals.
And yet here he was. And this was the second time Harry caught him doing this.
If nothing else, Eggsy's look of mild distress told Harry what he needed to
know of the boy's thoughts. The timing didn't escape him either. Although he
could point to no certain indication that he was a factor in Eggsy's decision
to bring out this magazine tonight, Harry was fully aware that his encounter
with the boy earlier had been the most notable thing that had happened to Eggsy
all day. It left his trousers tight and his eyes glued to the monitor, unable
to look away.
Eggsy bit at his lower lip, looking more and more guilty, but with a definite
flush to his cheeks that was growing the more he glanced through the magazine.
His gaze kept drifting towards the door in mild paranoia, but no footsteps
could be heard on the other side. Michelle and her new boyfriend were glued to
the telly, and Michelle hadn't thought to check on Eggsy yet to see if he'd
done his schoolwork as asked.
Slowly, Eggsy shifted off the bed, eyes still fixed on his impromtu barracade.
When he still heard nothing, his hands drifted to his clothing, pulling his
shirt over his head in one motion and fumbling at his own trousers. Layers were
quickly shed, revealing a lithe form and a small, erect cock. Eggsy slid open a
drawer on his desk, grabbed a small tube of hand creme, and within seconds had
slid under the covers of his bed with the duvet settled over him like a tent.
"Fuck," Harry bit out the moment Eggsy disappeared. His own hand pressed over
the erection between his parted thighs while he watched the covers move and
held the image of Eggsy, slim and small and beautifully naked, in his mind. He
switched the cameras to no avail, even the one planted in Eggsy's headboard,
though it brought him closer, could only lead him to imagine what the movement
beneath that duvet meant. Harry sat back and glared at the screen, willing the
boy courage enough to remove the sheet.
All in vain. Eggsy was embarrassed enough about his self-exploration and
discovery. The boy needed the illusion of security that the blankets gave him,
and the real security of denial should Michelle decide to check in on him and
get his door open. Only his head and a bit of the magazine popped out for Harry
to see once Eggsy got comfortable. It wasn't much, but for that Harry was
grateful. He was getting a bit of a show, if not quite the one he wanted.
Oblivious to the fact that he was being watched, Eggsy didn't bother to school
his expressions, and the movement of the duvet was enough that little
imagination on Harry's part was needed. The boy had picked one of the more
artistic photos in the magazine, with the model completely nude but for the
loop of a necktie caught in mid-pull as the man removed it, a table top just
barely hiding everything beneath his waist. Eggsy looked everywhere, but the
loop of fabric near the man's adam's apple and the blocked view near the man's
hips commanded most of his attention.
Harry swallowed hard. The way Eggsy had the duvet draped halfway over his head
cast part of his face in shadow, but Harry could make out enough. He squeezed
himself through his trousers and his hips shifted on impulse. He hadn't planned
for this to happen again, and not so soon either, but Harry couldn't resist.
Not while Eggsy was doing the same, for the first time Harry had seen. Not
while he could share this moment with the boy. Even if Harry was entirely
unknown to him.
He couldn't help imagine what Eggsy was thinking about. It was fairly clear
from the photograph, but surely his mind must be bringing up images on its own.
How easily Harry could recall the way the boy had looked at him, spoke with
him, walked with him earlier that day. He could imagine how it would feel to
have touched Eggsy then, not counting the brief pat to his shoulder as Harry
passed. He could imagine having pulled the boy into his lap on that bench,
brought him somewhere else even, just as easily as he could imagine being there
in Eggsy's room now, pulling away the blanket and pressing the boy beneath him.
The exuberance of youth was such that the moment was over all too quickly.
After a few minutes of movement under the covers, quick sliding that left Harry
with the image of small fingers wrapped tightly around an equally small cock.
Eggsy bit his lower lip. The hidden microphones Harry had placed in the room
were sensitive enough to pick up the boy's muffled whimper as he climaxed, and
the gasps that followed as he caught his breath.
Eggsy stared down at the page in front of him, flushed and spent for the
moment, his suspicions about himself confirmed.
Harry's moment, however, did not end there. He held that image in his mind,
Eggsy's face all scrunched up in pleasure,, teeth reddening his lower lip.
Harry was determined to hold onto it for a long time to come. He squeezed
himself harder to stave off the desire for more. In the screen Eggsy was
putting the magazine away and now, slowly, actually getting ready for bed.
Harry waited until Eggsy was back under the covers with the lights out before
he turned off the cameras.
Every image he'd filed away in his memory that day came back to him. One by one
he sifted through them and pulled them out to review as he unbuttoned his
trousers, moistened his palm, and began stroking himself. He didn't last long
after that. Not with visions of Eggsy nude and erect, shifting his hips into
the bed below him, eyes as clear as they had been outside that day, not with
all that passing through Harry's mind. He came into his palm with one hand
braced against the desk, remembering Eggsy's gasp. It left Harry short of
breath, sated. For now. But still he felt the lingering ache of wanting more.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Harry just managed to stay away for a week, limiting his access to the video
and audio feeds in the Unwin flat as much as he could while he tried to
distract himself searching for work leads and puttering around the tailoring
shop. One week before the heat under his skin and the images that flashed
through his mind combined to be too intolerable to endure without relief. When
he couldn't take it any longer, Harry changed his clothing again to something a
little less conspicuous and drove towards Rowley Way.
A week was fine, he told himself. After all, he had come to a certain kind of
conclusion after speaking with Eggsy before. It was not a conclusion he'd meant
to come to, but there it was all the same, mapped out in his mind just as
clearly as any mission to investigate a mark. Harry would see Eggsy again. And
again after that. And then probably again after. Harry did not yet want to
think about an end goal to these encounters, but he knew one was forming in the
back of his mind and he would dive into it all the same. That was how Harry
worked and he would not settle for anything less. It was part of his ingrained
caution at this point.
It was another weekday afternoon, a pleasantly mild day if a little breezy, but
Harry was not bothered. Nor was Mr. Pickle, happy to accompany him out of the
house. Once again, Harry posted himself at the bench in the courtyard, dog at
his feet and novel in hand, and waited for Eggsy to arrive home.
About a half hour after he'd settled in, Eggsy came up the path, his book bag
strapped to his back and his hands in his jacket pockets. Alone, as usual. The
boy was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't notice Harry right away.
When he did, the moment was palpable; his step hitched in mid-stride as his
head turned and caught sight of Harry and his dog.
"...back again, are you? Still waiting on Mr. Garner?"
Harry looked up and cast his eyes quickly over the red brick walk before him
until they settled on Eggsy. "Oh, hello again." He offered the boy no more than
a small pull of his mouth, but he knew his eyes would be fond all the same.
"Why yes, he's promised me to arrive no later than 4:30 today." Harry paused
for a moment, as though he were considering whether to shoo the boy on or not.
Eggsy was already looking at him with such a narrowed, considering gaze. "If
you're on your way back out again, I wonder if I might bother you for a favour
later." Harry knew he would be, seeing Michelle insist day after day that her
son go outside to play most afternoons.
"...yeah?" Eggsy paused, turning until he was facing Harry head-on. The tension
in the boy's body was a giveaway, as was the way he stared, as if trying to see
through Harry. "I'll be out later. But funny thing, that. I mean, there's not a
lot of people here, so ev'ryone knows most ev'ryone else. And I have it on
authority that Mr. Garner was out all last week, and ain't gonna be back this
week either. Which makes it awful strange you're waiting on a man who isn't
gonna show."
Harry raised a brow, unmoved. "Well if that were the case, I would be most
displeased. But I have it on his authority that he will indeed be back from his
trip down to Croydon by no later than 4:30 today. And if you are still
suspicious, you would be most welcome to find a phone with me and we can give
him a ring to be sure." Harry held the boy's gaze. He had to consciously hold
back the pulse of admiration for the boy's tenacity. It appeared he had made
quite an impression on young Eggsy after all, going out to investigate like
that, and Harry couldn't help but be pleased.
"He ain't at Croydon, he's all the way down at Brighton, and I overheard the
lady that's lookin' after his place. Fetching his post and stuff." Eggsy
shifted on his feet, halfway between a fighting stance and one that said he was
ready to run. "So that begs th' question, about what you're doing here, if
you're waiting on a man who isn't going to show, and you know it. You aren't a
normal bloke. Not with the handwalkin' and sitting around supposedly waiting on
an empty flat."
Harry gave a put upon sigh and climbed to his feet. "Come with me. No, don't
look at me like that, just to the pay phone down at the other end of the walk.
I believe you have been terribly misinformed."
Harry folded the book under his arm and gathered Mr. Pickle's leash before he
moved on, waiting for Eggsy to follow. The boy eyed him suspiciously. Harry
refused to acknowledge it. It was a fair bit of a walk from the bench down to
the centre of the hall where a pair of well used payphones awaited their
arrival. Harry used the time to fiddle with his watch, discreetly punching a
long series of clicks into its dials and knowing the message would be received
on the other end.
When they reached the phones, Harry looked down at the boy. "Now I don't
suppose you know Mr. Garner's work number, but you'd recognize his voice, yes?"
"Yeah, I guess." Eggsy was taking far more care to stay out of reach this time
than he had during their last encounter. Mr. Pickle did nothing to assuage his
suspicion; if anything, he seemed to augment it. He stared at the dog sitting
at Harry;'s feet before glancing back up at the man himself. "But I don't get
why you want to call him if he's on holiday and traveling. If he's traveling
back to see you at 4:30, like you say, you'll just prove me wrong when he shows
up, won't you?"
"Firstly, he's not on holiday, he's out on business. Secondly, yes that is
true, but I would rather not have to wait around here for another hour dodging
suspicious looks from you all the while." Harry gave a pointed look back at the
boy. Still, Eggsy's determination held.
With that, Harry picked up the phone and dialled. A click and a ring or two
later, the line connected with a familiar Scottish burr. "Operator speaking,
how may I help you?"
Harry's mouth lifted at one corner. "Yes, Jeffrey Garner please. Tell him it's
Harry and..." He looked down at the boy with an inquisitive raise of his brow.
"Eggsy," the boy supplied begrudgingly. It couldn't hurt to give the stranger
his nickname, he reasoned. It wasn't like he'd be able to look up his records
with that name, after all, and everyone in the complex knew him as Eggsy
anyway. "An' that's not what Mrs. Bensen told me. Brighton's full of old
pensioners taking up sun. Can't see what sort of business he has down there if
he's retired and all."
Such was Harry's concentration on unraveling the boy's suspicions that he
nearly missed the glance Eggsy gave him - or rather, his backside, sheathed in
a casual pair of trousers. Almost, but not quite.
"And Eggsy," Harry told the 'operator', who thanked him politely and asked him
to wait.
"Well Eggsy," Harry went on, "when you're retired you get to go into whatever
sort of business you like, if it's within your means. Life would be pretty
boring otherwise." Just for good measure, just to be certain, Harry slipped a
hand into his pocket, glancing down at the boy while the motion drew the fabric
of his trousers more tightly against his rear. Harry was not disappointed with
the shift of Eggsy's eyes.
A moment later, however, the phone clicked again and a gruff London accent
sounded on the other end. "Hello, Harry?" Harry bent down and pulled the phone
away from his ear so that Eggsy could lean closer and hear as well.
"Hello Jeffrey. Sorry to bother you on your way out, but I'm afraid I've run
into one of your neighbours who thinks I'm up to no good. Would you perhaps
have a minute to straighten this out?"
"Well alright then. Don't tell me you're sitting on my doorstep causing trouble
now?" came the, expectedly confused but still good natured, reply.
Eggsy hesitated before he took the offered phone, stretching the metallic cord
as far as it would go so he had some space between himself and Harry. "Mr.
Garner? Some bloke here says he's waiting on you. What'd you tell Mrs. Bensen?
I don't think she was expectin' visitors."
Harry clasped one hand around his wrist, covering his watch. Eggsy's eyes
followed the motion, but showed no further suspicion. Harry was pleased to
note, in fact, a small flicker of disappointment - barely more than a micro-
expression, but one that said that the boy was still in the midst of exploring
his emerging sexuality and displeased at the way the motion removed a
stimulating visual.
"That's Harry. An' he is in fact waiting for me. I know he's a bit posh, but
whatever Mrs. Benson told you, she musta' gotten mixed up. You might want to
let Harry know that I'm gonna be late though. Would you do that for me? I'm
still stuck down in Croydon an' it's gonna be hell makin' it up there in time."
Harry waited patiently, watching Eggsy's hard gaze soften a little. He fought a
smile. Witnessing Merlin work his charms for Harry's benefit never failed to
excite a certain amount of pride within him. Eggsy may have been just a child,
but already he was proving himself more than adept at investigating his own
suspicions. And for the boy to have those suspicions at all, well, Harry was
impressed.
"Okay, jus' so long as you're ok with it." The voice on the phone sounded like
Mr. Garner for sure. Eggsy wasn't friends with him by any means, but he'd lived
in the complex long enough to know him by sight and sound. The boy gave Harry
an uncertain, anxious glance, wondering if he was about to be in trouble for
mouthing off to an adult who was legitimately supposed to be there after all.
"I'll tell 'im. Thanks for, y'know. Clearin' it up and all, sorry to bother
you."
Eggsy handed the phone back, sheepish and apologetic. "Say's he's stuck down in
Croydon and gonna be late. Sorry."
"Ah." Harry took the phone and put it to his ear. "Thank you Jeff. Yes, yes.
Catch you soon. Perhaps I'll take a walk over to the tea shop down the way
then. No worries." Harry thanked the man and hung up before settling upon
Eggsy. The boy's posture had shrunk and his gaze now lingered somewhere upon
the bricks below.
Harry adjusted his glasses and sighed. "Oh come now," he patted the boy on the
shoulder and gave Mr. Pickle's leash a tug, taking them back along the path.
"I'm not offended, don't worry."
Eggsy followed, still downhearted despite Harry's words. Adults never took it
well when you challenged them. "I just really thought, y'know... Haven't seen
him in a while, and the lady he's got caretakin' his flat said he'd be gone
another week. Just would be odd, someone waiting for someone who was never
gonna show up, y'know?"
The more Eggsy thought about his mistake, the more embarrassed he became. He
hadn't even been sure what he was accusing Harry of. Someone wealthy would have
no need to case flats in an old complex for things to steal.
Harry softened his gaze upon the boy and paused his stride. He laid a hand on
Eggsy's shoulder again, finding the action a little more comfortable, a little
more direct this time. The feel of Eggsy's small frame beneath his fingertips
solidified the boy in a way that Harry had longed for. "It may be disconcerting
when it's directed at me, but truly Eggsy, your instincts are good. As are your
investigation skills." Harry offered him a small smile. He glanced down to the
end of the walk and then up at the sky, overcast. Looked like rain soon. After
another pause, Harry glanced back at the boy. "You're welcome to accompany me
to the shop if you'd like. Even if we did get off to a rather awkward start."
"Shop?" Eggsy glanced sideways at Harry. If he was uncomfortable with the hand
on his shoulder, he said nothing, no gave any hint that he wanted to shrug the
touch off. "I..."
The boy shifted on his feet. His backpack was heavy, and not exactly something
he was looking forward to lugging further than his room before he could ditch
it and forget about school for the night. Neither did he really know Harry,
aside from some brief interaction and the embarrassment of accusing him of
suspicious activity when it turned out he was doing nothing of the sort. "I
dunno. I'm not really supposed to go off. Just here and school, unless I'm with
some mates or somethin'."
"Ah, understandable I suppose." Harry let his hand drop and straightened. "And
I suppose Mr. Pickle has had enough of a walk after all, so nevermind the
favour. But if you do get sent back out and if you get stuck in the rain,
you're welcome to join me down at the tea shop just round the corner there on
Abbey Road. Not more than a street down, I assure you." This was the point
Harry didn't enjoy. The point he had to hand over control, to leave the option
of further contact securely in Eggsy's hands. For the time being. He let some
of that wistfulness show in his face.
"Um." Eggsy looked dubious still, but he gave a slight nod. "You're gonna be
waiting awhile on Mr. Garner anyway. So maybe."
Part of the boy told him that he was indebted now that he'd offered a measure
of offense. Michelle had raised him well enough to recognize that. Another part
of him begged caution and wondered just why he was even considering accepting
the offer. The man was a stranger, after all. A posh one, and a great deal
older to boot. At best, he'd be boring. At worst, he could be dangerous.
Still... Eggsy shifted his gaze away, trying not to think about the problem
that had kept him preoccupied for the last several days. "Anyhow, I gotta get
back, so... Later, Harry." With that, he bolted, running up the stairs towards
his mother's flat.
Harry waved goodbye even though the boy didn't see it, feeling a part of
himself tugged after Eggsy's trainers as he went.
"Well. What do you think of that?" He shared a look with Mr. Pickle before
Harry sighed and made his way back down the long walk. He could only hope what
he'd read in Eggsy's nature held out over the boy's caution and self
consciousness. If not, Harry would simply have to try another way. It was a
delicate balance and he considered his options all the way to the shop around
the corner.
The door chimed as he entered and Harry was pleased to see that though the cafe
was small, it was not overly busy. Quaint, perhaps, and just near enough to get
out of the rain should it come down.
He ordered a drink and sat at the window with his book, Mr. Pickle curled at
his feet, trying and failing to get back into the novel.
A good number of minutes passed before a familiar silhouette approached from
the street. Eggsy paused outside the shop window, glancing through the pane
casually. He froze when he spotted Harry where he was seated at a back table,
his spine stiffening further still as Harry glanced up and Eggsy knew he'd been
seen. In response, Eggsy brushed through the door, ignoring the bell that rang
and the quizzical look from the barista as he made his way back towards Harry's
table.
"Hey... so." Eggsy sat down just so he wouldn't draw more attention than he
already had. The motion didn't help; if anything, the boy was visibly tense and
nervous, ready to bolt at any moment.
Harry smiled and set down his book. "Well hello. Glad you came by after all."
He caught the flash of blue-green eyes Eggsy shot his way. This was a little
more intimate, sitting across from one another in a cafe like this. Outside the
breeze was picking up and Harry could tell the drizzle would come down any
minute now. "Why don't you go and order something? On me." At Eggsy's second
wary glance Harry shooed him toward the counter. "Go on."
Eggsy finally got to his feet and went, flushed with embarrassment. He didn't
know whether Harry had guessed exactly how poor his family was and how little
pocket money he had, but it may very well have been apparent from his clothing
and where they lived. The girl behind the counter smiled as she took his order
for a hot chocolate, and Eggsy returned with red-tinged ears.
"Dunno why you bother talkin' to me, really. I can't be more interesting than
your soldier mate." Mr. Pickle scooted forward from where he'd been patiently
seated at Harry's feet, making the boy jump as a cold nose worked its way under
one trouser cuff to snuffle against his skin.
Harry hid his smile, but not too well, behind a sip of his tea. "You did me the
kindness first, remember?" He warmed his hands, wrapping them around the mug as
he set it between himself and Eggsy. Harry let his posture relax. It wasn't
hard to warm to the boy's presence. He wanted to make himself as inviting as
this cafe was against the chill outside. "Do you often go about aiding your
neighbours in search of their runaway pets?"
"Nah, not many people can afford 'em. A few yappers here and there, but not a
lot." The barista called out his order, and Eggsy retrieved his mug before
sitting down again. It was easier for Eggsy to lick the whipped cream topping
off his mug than to watch the keen, kindly look Harry was leveling at him. "I
do help out with the neighbors for other stuff now and then, though. If they go
off on holiday or need an errand run. 's good for pocket money."
"Well, consider this repayment for fetching my dog then." Harry raised his cup
in cheers. "I do hope though that I won't get you into trouble with your
mother, being out this far from the grounds even if it is just around the
corner?" Harry watched the boy's pink tongue catch a dollop of the cream at the
very top before Eggsy realised he could use his spoon to catch the rest. That
image alone would keep him warm for the rest of the evening.
Eggsy kicked his heels against the chair leg, wondering to himself how much he
was supposed to say. His mother had given him the talk, of course, about how
some strangers weren't to be trusted, but Harry seemed to be trustworthy from
everything he'd seen. Even his suspicions hadn't panned out, much to the boy's
embarrassment, which left him with an older man that was at least mildly
interested in... him. What he did, what he was interested in. Eggsy had no idea
why, and was all the more flustered for it, particularly as he already had
other worries on his mind.
"Mum doesn't care too much, long as I don't go far or get involved in any funny
business. She doesn't want me hanging around with some of my mates anymore
because they smoke," he added. "But if I don't come back smelling like tobacco,
I'm usually ok."
Harry snorted a laugh. "Good on you then. Because I don't suppose any amount of
skill at gymnastics could get you out of that one. If she's anything like the
mothers I've known, you probably wouldn't see daylight in a week." Harry was
certain it wouldn't escape the boy that, though he did acknowledge there would
be consequences if his mother were crossed, Harry had basically just advocated
for Eggsy lying to his mother.
The attempt at cameraderie worked; Eggsy's mouth quirked just a little, and the
boy started looking directly at Harry as his discomfort anyway. "Yeah. I mean,
she's not really hard on me or anything. Not really. But she's really firm
about cigs. I think she'd have a nosebleed if she knew the kinda stuff I've
been offered at school, but she seems to think smokin's the worst I can get
into."
Eggsy rolled his eyes and buried his nose in his mug. When he lowered it again,
a line of white cream clung along his upper lip, quickly wiped away with one
movement of his tongue.
Harry smirked with only the corner of his mouth. "I grew up in the 70s, believe
me, I know what you mean." If he wanted to win Eggsy's affection, he was going
to have to do it as he was and that meant he couldn't ignore the differences
between them. Harry learned a long time ago that the better method of gaining
favour from a mark was to use those differences to his advantage. Finding a
commonality in spite of them. Bridging the gap, as it were. "But know what
you're getting into, don't let anyone take advantage of you, and don't get
caught and you'll be alright."
"Not had much use for the stuff, but yeah. I'm not stupid." Eggsy snorted and
pushed his mug from side to side between his hands. "Most of the stuff at
school is fake, anyways, or cut down with junk. Even if I was curious, 's more
trouble than not, and I don't have quid to blow on that sorta thing."
The boy paused, mulling things over for a minute before glancing back up again.
His fingers drummed against the table. "What were the 70s like? Can't imagine
it'd be like now."
"Well I can tell you Abbey Road here was profoundly more exciting than it is
today, even with Beatlemania dying down. We were getting over the wild hedonism
of the 60s, but still not quite over it entirely." Harry let himself meet
Eggsy's eyes with a conspiratorial glint at that, but moved smoothly on. "That
sort of culture infiltrated everywhere, perhaps for the first time. Suddenly
there were girls in our boarding schools. And this was the day just before
Margaret Thatcher, a turbulent economy but all around not a bad time to have
lived in if I do say so myself. Now if you want to know about the 60s I'm
afraid you'll have to ask Jeff, that's a bit beyond my time out and about in
the world."
Harry caught the eye of the barista and welcomed another mug of tea. When the
young woman came over to their table, however, her eye lit up at the sight of
Eggsy and Harry knew to be on his guard.
"Well hello there, I haven't seen your mum around here in ages." She poured
Harry his drink and gave him a polite smile as well.
Eggsy's demeanor abruptly shifted. The boy became wary, giving the lady a
little smile back that had a brittle edge to it. "Yeah, she's been kinda...
busy lately. Tryin' to get some overtime, and... she's dating again, you know.
So she's been gettin' out of the flat a bit more to restaurants and clubs and
things."
The barista got a curious glint in her eye, and Eggsy's shoulders slumped. He
did not want to talk about his mother's romantic life. He didn't even like
thinking about it himself, and he certainly didn't want to recap all the
uncomfortable or downright gross moments he'd witnessed to his mother's friend.
Immediately, and much to Harry's consternation, she looked to him with bright
eyes and a once-over that would have gone farther if her eyes hadn't been
impeded by the table. "Oh no, not me," he interrupted just as her mouth opened
and her smile turned awkward in confusion.
"No? She might have been a very lucky lady," she defaulted to a playful
attitude instead and Harry could see why with the way she was still looking at
him.
He put on a self conscious smile. "I'm afraid not. Eggsy here simply caught my
runaway dog the other day."
"Oh I see," She nodded without suspicion and for that Harry was grateful. He
supposed it helped that she seemed rather taken with his smile. "Well," she
turned to Eggsy, "you tell Michelle Unwin that if she ever feels like
introducing him to her friends she hasn't seen in weeks, then she better show
up at The Salt House one of these nights, yeah? And if anyone else happens to
fancy a few drinks, he'd be welcome, too," she added for Harry's sake before
she straightened and he smiled politely, but hoped she'd take as a 'no,
thanks'.
After that, Harry let his face go slack.
Eggsy buried his head in his hands once the waitress left, completely
mortified. Bad enough that his mother's friend had wanted to chat, and that his
mother's boyfriend had been a topic, but then she'd thought Harry was his
mother's new fling.
Worse still, she'd started trying to flirt with Harry afterwards. Eggsy's
stomach had turned sour as soon as she'd begun, and he had no idea why. The
culmination of the two made him slide down in his chair, slumped over on the
table with his face still mostly hidden by his crossed arms.
The boy glanced up, caught sight of Harry's blank expression, and wondered what
it meant. Adults were strange. He could simply not be interested in the
barista, or bothered by the interruption... or maybe embarrassed. "...my mum
kinda knows a lot of people around here."
Harry came out of it quickly, giving the boy a knowing smile and raise of his
brows, but that didn't stop him from descending back into thought again after.
Carefully, he set the new steaming mug down between them and leaned over the
table. The waitress had given him exactly what he'd needed. Harry wetted his
lip as though he were searching for the right words.
"Eggsy... Your mother's name is Michelle Unwin?"
"Uh... yeah? Why?" For a moment, Eggsy's nervousness increased sharply. If
Harry recognized her name, then he probably knew her somehow. Which meant that
Harry might have already heard stories about him, or had witnessed some of his
family's embarrassing moments. Harry didn't look to be the sort to hang out
down at the pub or one of the music clubs. "Do you know her from somewhere?"
Harry gave a slight shake of his head. He met the boy's gaze and didn't let him
look away. Eggsy sat there, hunched at the table, caught under Harry's gaze,
waiting for him to deliver the lines Harry had planned ever since they'd met
again. The boy's eyes were bright, his delicate brow knitted, and his face was
as open as ever, hanging on Harry's words.
"And your father, the soldier...was his name Lee Unwin?"
"Yeah...?" Eggsy's wariness transformed slightly as the seconds passed. Harry
could watch the boy put two and two together, with Harry's mention of his
veteran status and the implication that he knew Michelle Uwin through her first
husband. Eggsy's eyes widened and his fidgeting ceased. "What, you knew my dad?
When? Were you in his unit? Could you tell me about him?"
Harry's back hit the seat. He stared at Eggsy, looked the boy up and down
before Harry ran a hand over his face. He breathed a deep sigh before he sat
forward again and lowered his elbows to the table. "I'm sorry Eggsy. I...well,
I didn't know him long. But your father saved my life." He let the unease drop
from his posture and watched the boy. Harry wasn't going to play up the farce.
He was there to level with the boy, as much as he could.
Eggsy looked down at a space on the table between them, tears welling up to rim
his eyes. Even a few years later, the loss of his father still left him raw. "I
really don't remember much. I was too young to, and then he never came back,
and nobody told me anything. Mum has some pictures, but that's... just not the
same, y'know?"
Eggsy rubbed the edge of one hand across his face, doing his best to put on a
little bravado before he looked up again. "How'd he save you? Or can you not
tell me either? Same secret unit nobody can talk about?"
Harry gave him a tight smile but there was little humour in it. "I can tell you
that I missed something that day. He caught it, acted before any of us did. But
yes, apart from that, it is classified." Harry sighed and ran a hand over his
face again. He glanced out the window, avoiding Eggsy's watery stare. "Your
mother would have my head if she found out I'd spoken to you. She didn't take
it well. As I'm sure you know."
"She didn't," Eggsy agreed softly. "She won't talk about him much, even to me.
Just gets angry, and sad, that she didn't insist that he not join the forces.
Said heroes never come home in the end."
Eggsy toyed with the mug in front of him and tried another sip, but the hot
chocolate now was cloying against his tongue. When he spoke again, his voice
was softer still. "She's... got problems. Still. She was really sad when I was
little, but mostly did ok, but her last boyfriend kinda... There are lots of
bottles. I think she thinks I don't notice, 'cause she never has me take the
recycling out."
"Ah." Harry nodded his understanding. "Well. If you ever want to confront her
about it, you can tell her the Lee I knew wouldn't have stood for that. Not
unless he was invited in on it," Harry gave a wince of a smile. Eggsy's gaze
kept drifting back to a crack in the tabletop and Harry searched out the boy's
gaze. "This new man of hers though, he isn't like the last one, is he?" Harry
knew what kind of concern was written across his face, but he wanted more out
of this than Eggsy simply thinking he cared. He wanted the boy's own words on
the subject.
"I... dunno yet. He's nicer to her, sort of." Eggsy started picking at the
table varnish, running blunted nails down the cracks in the grain until bits
flaked off and stuck underneath. The fact that Harry shouldn't have known about
Michelle's previous boyfriend at all slipped right past the boy. "He hasn't
been taking her money to go gamble, like the last one. But Dean sort of scares
me. He hasn't done anything, really, but he's scary. Like he's angry all the
time. I think he wishes I wasn't there."
"Hm." As non-committal a noise Harry made, he left no room for his displeasure
to be mistaken for anything else. Another considering pause later and Harry was
fishing in his pocket for a pen and a piece of paper. "I don't normally do
this, and you'd best not tell anyone you have this, but if you ever feel like
giving me a ring, here's my number." He jotted it in a quick scrawl without his
name and passed the fold of paper to Eggsy across the table. "I'm not saying
you'll ever need it. But in case you do. Or even if you just want to get out of
the house for a while. I'd be happy to share what I can about your father. The
both of you deserve that much."
Eggsy looked back up at Harry as he took the card. The reddish rims around his
eyes didn't diminish his beauty - if anything, it only made the blue of his
irises all the starker from the contrast. "Thanks. I really can't go anywhere
though. My mum'd go ballistic. She'd probably ground me for a couple of months,
at least. I'd... like to hear more about my dad, though."
The boy glanced down at the number scrawled across the paper in black ink, then
folded it and tucked it into his pocket.
"Then I'd be happy to stay." Harry cocked his head and raised his mug in
cheers. "Now what can I tell you about Lee that you don't already know, hm? I
admired him for not being a snob, for one thing." This part wasn't difficult.
The memories came back to Harry easily and he had felt exactly such about Lee
Unwin. "I remember him being handsome, confident, but I think what I liked most
about him was that he had a certain sense of honour very few of us had. Not the
queen and country bit, mind you, a real sense of honour. Didn't take himself to
be above anyone else, nor below either. He was good at keeping his squad
together, equal that way."
Eggsy hung on Harry's every word. Harry could see him lean forward, trying to
get closer to the image painted by his description, a sort of painful longing
writ across his youthful features. It was very much the product of the sort of
projected, fantastical heroism that was common to children with absent parents,
except that Lee's goodness wasn't a fiction that was contrived to explain his
disappearance from Eggsy's life. He had been a hero in truth. "How'd he do
that? Keep the squad together?"
Harry's smile curled a little at the edge. "At first? Trickery. As I said, he
was one of the few who weren't a complete snob, and unfortunately that meant he
was one of the first singled out of the group. Now, when I knew him, Lee and
the others had just entered into a...rather unusual sort of training. A
competition, if you will. None of them knew each other, not by name anyway. By
reputation, however...." Harry gave a little shrug. "Connections can go a long
way. These were men and women from military families, you must understand,
prone to a certain amount of cliquishness. Lee kept to himself in the
beginning, didn't pretend to be much, even got a couple of the lads believing
he'd never made it past secondary. And then during one of the games he came up
with a battle strategy that knocked three of his peers out of the running while
simultaneously keeping his team on track the whole way through. They learned
their lesson after that."
Military families. Snobbishness. Eggsy's eyes lit up. "...so they were a bunch
of toffs?" he asked. He could easily imagine it: a bunch of kids with
ambitious, prideful parents who badgered them into signing up for the upper
ranks of the forces. For Queena and country, of course, but also a good
paycheck and a sizeable amount of bragging rights and social esteem. "So... my
dad was in some kind of officer competition? A test or something?"
"That he was. I'm afraid I can't tell you how exactly, but he made it to the
final round before he died. Might very well have won if things hadn't gone
wrong." Harry sighed. He let himself take in this moment, feeling Eggsy's
turmoil and excitement like palpable things radiating from his small frame,
seeping across the table. "I still believe he could have been one of the best."
The lights inside the cafe, brighter now that the early evening darkness was
creeping in outside, seemed warmer, too. With Eggsy looking at Harry like that,
like Harry held the key to every mystery the boy longed to hear, it was hard to
fight it. Harry had put himself in such a position, he was nothing if not a
keeper of secrets, but the boy's awe was no less tiresome for it.
"...it was a training accident, then?" Eggsy frowned, leaning forward until his
chin rested on his crossed arms. He seemed oblivious to the shifting of the
light, entirely focused on Harry and the story. "But how'd he save your life,
then? Was that why he got a medal, even though it wasn't official business?
Because he saved you? Do people in the forces often die in training?"
Harry let the corner of his mouth turn up. "It wasn't a training accident. Not
exactly. A competition yes, with many opportunities for training, but every one
of them had the experience needed to do their job. Apart from the first several
weeks, they were always technically on active duty." There had been talk
afterwards about that of course, but Harry did not know if a more stable
competitive environment for new candidates would ever come to pass in Kingsman
tradition. "I can tell you, however, that it wasn't taken lightly."
Eggsy absorbed this in silence. That his father had been a hero. That his
father had been at the end, had almost beaten out all the competition, pulling
one over on the other overconfident, snobbish recruits. "Doesn't change the
fact he didn't come home, though, dinnit," the boy finally murmured. "Queen and
country, and I'm left with me mum. And whoever she's dating at the moment."
Harry gave a tired smile. "No. That it doesn't." He turned his half empty mug
on the table, listening to the ceramic scrape against its surface. "You'll have
the rest of your life to decide what that means for you. Sounds like you've
already started."
Harry glanced down to the prone form of Mr. Pickle, lying on the floor and
looking, if were possible for a dog to look such a way, as bored as he could
be. "It is getting late," Harry remarked. "I should let you get back home to
your mother, and I'd best be on my way." Slowly, Harry rose from the table,
perking up the dog's attention. "I'm sorry to have brought up such a painful
topic, but I'm glad to have met you, Eggsy."
"Yeah." Eggsy got to his feet, glancing down at his empty mug and then
remembering his manners. "Thanks for the hot chocolate. And, y'know. Telling me
about my dad." There was so much more to be said about that, but Eggsy didn't
know where to begin. A boy his age had no concept of how to voice the mixture
of hero worship and detached sorrow and smoldering resentment that filled
children whose parents didn't ever come home; those who only remembered through
the hyperbolic stories of others, or their silence.
"Let me walk you back at least. It's getting dark out and I'm headed there
anyway." Harry gestured for the boy to follow after him as he paid for the
extra hot chocolate at the counter and then back through the door, chiming on
their way out. Eggsy was a little less hesitant to follow now. Harry had made
himself a little less of a stranger.
The air had turned nippy while they'd been inside though, and the breeze hadn't
let up either. Combined, the walk back was bound to be chilly indeed. Harry
glanced at Eggsy's loose hoodie. "You have gloves, I hope?"
Eggsy shook his head and buried his hands in his front pocket. He didn't want
to admit the truth to Harry: that money was tight and the secondhand store only
had so much. He'd had gloves, and then lost one at school, and hadn't dared ask
Michelle for replacements. He would have shoplifted another pair, except it was
the wrong season for it. "I'm fine. I'm used to it, really."
Harry hummed non-committally, put his own gloves on, wrapped Mr. Pickle's leash
around one hand, and reached out to tug Eggsy to his side as they walked. He
didn't say anything, just kept his stroll to a pace the boy could match and
folded an arm around him. Harry could do that now. He could feel the small
weight of the boy fall against him and Harry kept his arm firm. This wasn't
pity, this was welcome, this was familiarity. This was carefully calculated
familiarity. Harry didn't glance down, but he did allow a smile to touch his
lips, knowing Eggsy would look up.
And so the boy did, incredulity plain on his face. He wasn't used to being
touched, aside from motherly affection lavished on him now and then by
Michelle. It was strange, being tucked against Harry's side, and yet... Eggsy
supposed it was understandable. They were friends now. Harry had told him that
Lee had saved his life; that almost made him family, in a way. Eggsy might have
protested had Harry been the sort to creep him out, but he seemed harmless.
Ludicrous, indeed, to suggest that he should feel threatened by an older
veteran, with a dog in tow, who bought him hot chocolate and told him about his
father when no one else would.
The sidewalk passed underneath their feet too quickly. The tenements of
Alexandra and Ainsworth rose in front of them, monstrosities that weren't quite
the horror that was Milton Keynes. Streetlamps were beginning to flicker to
life in the wake of the dying sun that was sinking below the horizon and
painting the landscape in fiery hues.
"I'm afraid this is where we part ways, my dear Eggsy." Harry drew to a stop as
they reached the middle of the walk below Eggsy's door and finally looked down
at the boy. In spite of the low light, or perhaps because of it for now Eggsy's
cheek and brow were lit with the orange warmth of the street lamps, he was
perhaps even more beautiful than when Harry had first seen him playing out in
the sun that fateful day Harry had decided to return to the tenements. He let
the boy go with great reluctance, but brought him up short just after. "Oh
and.... If you need to, that's alright, but if you can avoid it, I'd rather you
didn't tell your mother about running into me. She didn't take very kindly to
it the last time I offered her family help."
Eggsy nodded. Harry's request didn't seem that strange. He could easily imagine
that his mother would resent seeing the man who had survived when her husband
hadn't - who had lived precisely because Lee had died. The boy wasn't sure why
he didn't resent Harry for the same, but it was hard to think of doing so after
they'd started to become friends. Eggsy wanted his father back, of course, but
that wasn't going to happen, and knowing someone who knew his father during his
last days was a gift.
"G'night, Harry. I suppose I'll see you again if you're visiting with Mr.
Garner pretty often?" The boy hadn't meant for his voice to sound quite so
hopeful.
Harry smiled, letting the weight of it sink into his cheeks. "Perhaps so." He
waved the boy up the stairs, watching as Eggsy turned back to see Harry for as
long as he could. Harry was warmed in a way that had nothing to do with his
woolen coat or gloves.
He watched until the boy disappeared behind his door, and then Harry turned,
making his way along the walk toward Mr. Garner's flat. He walked all the way
up the stairs and, in spite of the lights being out inside, stood in front of
the door pretending to knock. His free hand worked a pick into the handle and a
minute later, Harry was inside the empty, and somewhat smelly, flat. He would
have to confirm his suspicions when he arrived home, but Harry would guess
Eggsy had pressed himself up to the front window and followed Harry for as long
as he could. With that thought tugging a smile at the corner of his mouth,
Harry waited twenty minutes and then slipped out again.
The following morning Harry arrived at Savile Row with a determined hitch in
his step. All the way from the shop to Kingsman headquarters Harry's mind was
preoccupied, never mind greetings from the shopkeeper--to which Harry answered
just as politely as he had every other morning, or the ride on the bullet
train--as silent and as smooth as ever. None of the other nods and mild
mannered greetings from passing tech personnel and even a fellow knight or two
distracted him as he walked the halls, headed for his office.
There was plenty of morning left to look over incoming case files, have a cup
of coffee, and mull over Eggsy.
Particularly, the footage from the previous night. Harry's prediction had been
spot on; Eggsy had been at the window to watch him enter Mr. Garner's
apartment, then left long before Harry had re-emerged. And, importantly, Eggsy
hadn't been at the window long enough to have been able to say whether one Mr.
Garner had ever arrived home in time for Harry's visit. All the boy had seen
was a door opening and Harry stepping inside.
Confirmation that he'd hooked the boy's interest at some level had been warming
enough, but later still he'd had another treat: a repetition of Eggsy's
interest in the stolen magazines. The boy had picked a different page this
time, and he was still under the covers out of wariness that he might be
interrupted and caught, but oh. The movement of his small body under the covers
let Harry easily construct an image in his mind, and the breathless sounds and
look of pleasure on Eggsy's face as he explored his fledgling sexuality were
more than enough to help fuel Harry's own climax later.
Indeed, just reminiscing on the previous night left Harry distracted enough
that he missed the fact that Merlin had darkened his doorway until the sound of
knuckles against wood brought him out of his reverie.
Harry glanced up in mild surprise until he saw who it was and gave a half
hearted sigh. He went back to his papers, gesturing the man inside. "Merlin,
how nice of you to drop by. Sending me off to Kolkata in a month I see?" Harry
took a sip of coffee, noting the man's expression hadn't altered in the least.
Merlin was in fact regarding him in that calm, collected air he acquired
whenever he was on the verge of discovering something decidedly important, and
rather personal, about one of his colleagues. Harry didn't do the man the
honour of dropping his guard in the slightest.
"Quite. I hear West Bengal is rather nice this time of year, and I had thought
that, by that time, you might be itching for another adventure. Perhaps I
misestimated," Merlin added, striding forward at a sedate, measured pace. Harry
heard the impact of each footfall on the carpet, the sound of Merlin invading
Harry's personal space and, soon, his personal business. Harry had seen Merlin
have delicate conversations with other colleagues enough to recognize what was
coming.
"It seems that you became impatient and decided to make your own adventure.
Should I be asking why resources are being used for the pressing matter of
convincing the child of a deceased ex-candidate that his veteran neighbor is
back from holiday and on friendly terms with your person?"
Harry set down his mug with a scowl. "If you must, then I'd tell you that
'resources aren't simply being used', I am using them and I am perfectly
willing to own up to that fact. And it is for a personal project. I'm simply
checking up on the boy, is all." Merlin's countenance remained unmoved, as did
his person. Harry sighed and cast his eyes toward the ceiling. "Oh don't look
at me like that. I know very well how thoroughly Percival background checks any
man who plans to be in the same room as his daughter, never mind how often
Lancelot likes to take company cars out for a ride with the ladies."
"It's true that we all have our indulgences from time to time," Merlin agreed.
Harry watched him move out of the corner of his vision, circling around,
mirroring his verbal testing of Harry's defenses. "All fairly understandable.
Usually. What's peculiar in this instance is that you've never shown interest
in the loved ones of any ex-candidates, or survivors from previous assignments.
Your sudden interest in checking up on the Unwins neatly coincidences with some
equipment that has been removed from our last inventory check for reordering."
Merlin's brow arched, and he paced again, circling back around until he stood
square in front of Harry on the opposite side of the desk. "Coincidental,
perhaps, but a check of the CCTV cameras revealed a few visits to that
particular complex before you phoned for my help."
"If you're about to accuse me of being too sentimental for my own good, I think
we can both agree that would be wildly out of character," Harry deadpaanned,
fixing Merlin under his gaze. He was very aware of what he'd just said, for
what other reason than sentiment would he need for spying upon Lee's family?
But Merlin wasn't one to be deceived. Ignored, yes. Avoided, yes. But never
outright deceived. He and Harry had worked together far too often for Harry to
have thought otherwise. Or avoided this confrontation for long. He knew that
the very moment he'd made the call. Still, Harry should perhaps not dump the
news over the man's head all at once. He waved away Merlin's piercing stare.
"If you feel the need to take your time and the supplies out of my salary, I
have no objections. Lord knows I'm not doing anything with it anyway."
"I may do just that. I'm assuming that none of the surveillance devices are
going to be recovered and returned to the storeroom." Merlin slid his hands
into his trouser pockets and rocked back on his heels slightly. It was an
affectation of ease, one they both knew to be a lie. Merlin was studying Harry
too closely, gauging the situation and choosing his words with care. "I can
tell you'd rather I not ask. I would, in all honesty, prefer not to have to
ask. But I am going to assume, given our agreement that sentimentality is not,
on the whole, one of your character traits, and that there is only one other
logical explanation. One that could make things particularly difficult for the
organization should things progress past surveillance and conversations and
into situations where we start having to spend favors and capital to make
investigations quietly go away."
To hell with discretion, then. Harry sighed, but he didn't drop his gaze.
"Merlin, you know our secrecy will never be anything more than paramount in my
mind, no matter where my personal life may lead. Of that you can be certain.
But I sincerely hope you have more faith in my abilities, and our resources, to
assume that such an event would pose even the slightest threat to the integrity
of Kingsman." Harry noted the subtle twitch in Merlin's eye. "Unless you're
worried about me personally." And with that, Harry put on a smile and blinked
up at the man. It was a cheeky expression Merlin would know well. He'd seen
Harry use it often enough before, on missions occasionally, on casual
acquaintance far more often.
"Don't give me that look." Irritation flooded Merlin's features, but not
without some measure of fondness. It was a slip, letting his composure drop
just for a moment, but Merlin was not without sentiment. "And I am perfectly
capable of being concerned about multiple angles without having to pick just
one. I've not been one to pry about other agent's personal lives and interests,
but you know some of the cases I've worked. I've had a few messes to clean up
where powerful individuals felt that their positions, connections, wealth, and
resources made them untouchable, only to find out otherwise and contract our
services. My services, at the time. Regardless of your confidence, and my high
esteem of your skills, things can go wrong. Things do go wrong."
Merlin's gaze finally dropped, turning into a pointed study of the grain work
of Harry's desk. "There is also the boy to consider. Gareth has unusual
proclivities, as you may be aware, but as far as I'm aware his partners have
always been willing, and he's shown some restraint with how far his tastes
towards sadism are applied. Should I be concerned over your intent?"
A real frown pulled at the corners of Harry's mouth. "Merlin, you are one of my
oldest friends, and I'm not sure you have any idea just how much I want to tell
you to fuck off right now for that statement. If that were the case I would
have hardly been inclined to call you and convince him that my presence at the
estates was nothing short of harmless." Harry sighed. He could feel his jaw
twitch under Merlin's scrutiny and he knew that he was caving after all. He
would have had to confess later, he supposed. Harry moved the mug aside and
then thought better of it and brought it back, using it to occupy his fingers.
He took a breath. "I find myself fascinated by him. But I have no wish to cause
the boy harm."
Merlin nodded slowly. His eyes rose from Harry's desk to his face, but still
revealed nothing. Such was the usual for their organization - even with close
friends, all of them were so used to masking their intent and pretending to be
different people that dropping such habits was difficult indeed. "Understand,
Galahad, that my questions are not condemnation. We both know what business
we're in. I just am concerned, that's all. For Kingsman, for you, and for
myself if you require more of my services. I want to know what I'm getting
myself into if I'm helping you, off the books, and overlooking the equipment
requisitions."
Harry's frown softened. Merlin was nothing if not pragmatic. Closed off as the
man usually was, even with Harry, they had always gotten on well together.
Perhaps because Harry himself was so often closed off, even to the other
knights. Lancelot for one used his gentleman's grace more often than not as a
tool to acquire what he wanted. Harry instead used it as a shield.
So of course when Merlin went looking into Harry's recent activities spying
upon the Unwins, he rightly wouldn't have even considered Michelle was the
focus of Harry's interest. Later, Harry would lie awake and wonder whether
Merlin always caught onto such things so quickly because he too had
proclivities to hide. Now, however, was not the time.
"So does that mean you'll help me?" Harry let the corner of his mouth lift as
he held Merlin's gaze.
"That depends on what you're going to do, but yes," Merlin stated. His hand
immediately rose to ward off a response, and he ducked his head. "No details. I
don't want to know and it's none of my business. I have no desire to see
Kingsman come into hot water, or you. You've been a good friend, and you're a
damn fine agent, and you've asked for little compared to the others. I'm still
going to deduct the taken supplies from your wages to pay for reordering. But
if your concern is that I'm going to appeal to Arthur, or some other authority,
the answer is no. I want to be kept informed, within limits, if you're going to
involve me in this mess, but no. And for the record, Arthur wouldn't care
regardless, so long as you aren't endangering Kingsman as a whole, which I
don't plan to allow you to do. For my sake, and for yours."
"Good man." Harry smiled and watched Merlin's frown deepen in annoyance.
Merlin's judgement about Arthur would have been Harry's estimate as well. Truly
Harry was hoping to have more time to get Merlin on board with his little side
project, because he knew there were going to be strings he'd need the man to
pull in the future. Possibly the very near future if Harry couldn't handle Mr.
Garner's affairs himself, but he supposed it was Merlin's nature to confront
such a scandal head on. That wouldn't necessarily mean Harry didn't still have
time to get the man to come around. His concerns were after all very well
within reason.
"That said," Harry went on, "I may need to find a reason for that Mr. Garner to
be away on holiday or leave the estates altogether sooner rather than later.
I'll let you know if I need you to look into it."
"Do." Merling frowned, but remained unmovable. His piercing gaze was becoming
irritating, in fact, but not threatening. They knew each other. They needed
each other. "Don't leave me in the dark on this, Galahad. I mean it. You're
like a brother, but I don't appreciate being strung along. Don't lie to me."
Merlin straightened, his spine going a bit more rigid and his chin raising.
"Now. Do you have anything else to inform me about, or is our business for
today concluded?"
Harry breathed deep and nodded. "Concluded. That's all for now." Merlin knew
Harry would take his request seriously. And Harry would indeed take his request
seriously. That's how they worked, that's how, mission after impossible
mission, they'd survived. Harry knew it. It would not be wise to undertake this
project alone, as far as he now envisioned taking it, and Merlin would be the
best resource Harry could hope to have on his side. "Thank you, Merlin." Merlin
would know just how much Harry meant that as well.
Merlin quirked a humorless smile, one that vanished just as quickly as it had
appeared. "Then take care. Let me know when my services are required again, and
keep your mind on your mission when you're packed off next month. I don't want
to see you killed because you were pining over a boy."
Merlin's gaze sharpened and their eyes met, and that was all Harry needed to
know. Merlin cared. He was worried in truth, not making a pretense of it. When
Merlin turned on his heel and left the office, Harry felt like a weight had
been lifted off of his shoulders.
That had gone rather well, all things considered. And Harry supposed it was
best this confrontation was over and out of the way now. Merlin would help him.
He hadn't doubted the man would, but now he knew it in no uncertain terms. The
man may not approve of the danger in certain respects, but Harry could count on
him. And Harry would do his job, just as he had planned to go on doing.
Throughout it all, Eggsy Unwin would never be the wiser.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Harry sorted out his records for the rest of the day, researching the situation
in Kolkata, brushing up on his Bengali, and preparing to continue doing so over
the next month. He also looked into the affairs of Mr. Garner once again. It
was very convenient Harry had discovered him in the first place -- a man older
than Harry, a retired soldier away on vacation just when Harry arrived at the
estates, but Harry was soon going to run out of conveniences. If he could send
the man away again, perhaps to his sister in Wales for another week or two,
that might be just enough time to return to Eggsy's doorstep.
Harry finished off the day working out such plans before he retired home to
check on the feeds.
What he found was distressing.
Eggsy was sprawled atop his bed, head face down and pillowed against his arms,
his shoulders shaking in aborted sobs. A quick rewind of the feeds determined
the cause: Dean and Michelle had gotten into a fight. Dean had left, but
Michelle had descended into a haze of gin, which had promptly scared and upset
Eggsy enough that he'd locked himself into his room and refused to come out for
dinner, no matter what slurred encouragements Michelle had given him. His
homework had been tossed aside in favor of venting his emotions, and every now
and then Eggsy glanced at his window casement, considering escape.
After a half hour, thought became reality. Eggsy slid the glass panel open as
wide as it could go, removed the insect screen, and constructed a fabric rope
to escape to another balcony. From there, it was a quick trip to the ground.
"Shit," Harry sighed and moved to his keyboard. Logging into the Kingsman
network, he connected to any nearby CCTV cameras he could find. There were a
few. Notably one on either side of the mammoth estates and one reaching out
over the train tracks behind the building, mounted upon the bridge above.
Eggsy's small form, however, would be walking along the path somewhere between
the back and those tracks. Unless he ducked into the street that crossed
underneath the estates, which was very likely. Harry searched out another
camera along the front, split the four of them, and waited for the small figure
to make an appearance.
Eggsy reappeared in the shadow of the tenements, walking parallel to the rain
tracks. He didn't get far, only several meters before he collapsed and
scrunched himself up against the concrete wall, tucking himself into a ball
that the passing trains would never notice. Thankfully, the boy made no move
that indicated that his emotional health was so compromised as to consider
ending his life; train lights approached and passed without him rousing
himself, but neither did he make a move to return to his room, and the mobile
phone he'd brought with him remained untouched.
Harry was sorely tempted to call the boy, no matter how out of the question
that would be. He wasn't supposed to have the number of the prepaid phone
Michelle had bought her son for emergencies only, nor was he supposed to know
that Eggsy was in trouble at all. He had, however, given the boy his own number
in hopes that he would call. It was late and whether Eggsy was inclined to do
so was very much in question. Harry had made the offer on the basis that the
boy might like to talk about his father, even if Harry had tried to insinuate
the reason could be any at all.
Harry had one idea though. Eggsy sat not too far off from the pair of payphones
they'd used the other day. Not close enough to see them, perhaps, but close
enough still. With a few more minutes of searching through Merlin's databases,
Harry found the number for the public convenience phone on the ground walk and
dialled.
He let it ring once, twice, three times before he saw Eggsy's head lift through
the low light of the footage. Before the boy could rise, Harry disconnected the
call.
Through the cameras, Harry could see Eggsy frown. Payphones didn't ring on
their own, not outside of spy movies. The mystery was enough, however, to
distract Eggsy from his own distress. He stared at the phone booth for a number
of minutes in silences, curled upon himself to conserve heat.
Then he dug his prepaid phone out of his pocket, along with the little slip of
paper Harry had given him. Only a few seconds more, and Harry's phone rang.
With a sigh of relief and anticipation alike, Harry sat back in his chair. He
didn't leave it long. He plucked his phone off its stand on the second ring and
didn't bother pretending to have been asleep.
"Yes, hello?" The first thing Harry heard was the sound of a distant train.
"Mr... Harry? With the dog?" Eggsy's voice sounded faint, accompanied by the
haunting counterpoint of the train whistle and the ruckus of metal wheels on
tracks. "It's Eggsy, I don't know if you remember me. I-... y'know what, I'm
sorry for bothering you. It was stupid, 'm sorry."
"Wait-wait, Eggsy," Harry interrupted before the boy could hang up, infusing
warmth into his voice, "Of course I remember you. You're not bothering me. What
are you doing up so late?" Harry didn't want to give the boy any time to
rethink this call. He clutched the phone tight to his ear and prayed Eggsy
would be more tempted to answer him than he would be to get out of the
conversation.
"I..." The boy paused, his voice cutting off as his throat constricted. "My
mum's not doing very well. She's... she didn't hit me or nothing, but I just...
I don't know what to do. She's all sloshed again, and I just... it scared me,
and you're an old friend of my dad's. I wasn't thinking, I just... needed to
hear someone. I couldn't stay in the house, not right now. She don't know I'm
gone."
Harry was up and moving, slipping out of his robe and into a light jacket,
switching from his landline to his mobile with only a quick and seamless dial.
"Oh Eggsy. You're alright though? You two had a fight? Where are you now?"
He closed the door silently behind him on his way out and climbed into his car.
"I, uh. Yeah, I'm ok, just behind my building. Where the trains are." Eggsy
paused. He had to have heard the engine starting on Harry's side of the phone.
"I'm not a jumper or nothin'. I just don't have nowhere to go. If I talk to my
mates, their parents will know and they'll get on my mum's case. I really don't
want that. I don't want her hurt and all, I just can be in there when she's
like this."
"It's alright Eggsy. Listen, I'm coming to get you." Harry was already well
down the road. "I'm not far, only about 15 minutes. It's no trouble at all.
Then you can tell me all about it and you won't have to worry about me
spreading gossip round the neighbourhood." He let a lighter tone creep into his
voice. Eggsy had been trying for that track, trying to defuse Harry's worry,
even if it was rather obvious. But Harry went along with it to calm the boy.
"I don't... I have to hang up now, I don't have a lot of time. This phone is
only for emergencies." Harry didn't have a moment to respond before the dial
signal flooded his own receiver. Eggsy had hung up.
But he knew where the boy was, now., and he was expected. Moreover, Eggsy had
just had an emergency, and the person he had called on his limited phone time
had been Harry.
It filled him with warmth as harry drove. Even if it was mingled with the
trepidation that he would arrive at the estates only to find Eggsy had left his
hiding spot, either to find a new one or to go back inside. He cursed himself
for forgetting in the heat of the moment to bring his laptop should that be the
case. But Eggsy did know he was on his way. If he went back inside now, he
would be inconveniencing Harry even more.
Harry arrived at the street below the flats with five minutes to spare. He
parked the car illegally, hung a permit from its mirror, and headed out on foot
in search of Eggsy.
He found the boy still huddled in a ball, tucked against the concrete wall and
hidden by the relative darkness of the space near the train tracks.
Streetlights left pools of illumination not so very far away, and the space
wasn't closed off. The Met wasn't worried about taggers here. It wasn't a train
yard full of targets to cover in spray paint--that happened over on the bridge.
It was just a stretch of track.
Eggsy looked up as he heard footsteps approach. He shot Harry a look of
incredulity. "I didn't think you were gonna come."
"Nonsense." Harry held out his hand, gesturing for the boy to rise. "I told you
I wasn't far. You think I'd leave you to sit out here in the cold all by
yourself?"
Harry drew his hand down the boy's arm as he got to his feet. Even with the
thick jumper Eggsy wore, Harry could feel how cold he was. He gripped tighter
at that, pulling the boy into a light embrace. "Come here, you're chilled. Is
she still up there? Hasn't noticed yet?" Eggsy's weight was so light against
him. Harry rubbed his hands over the boy's back, trying to bring some heat into
the touch before he looked down at Eggsy again. The boy stared up at him with
wide, red rimmed eyes and Harry felt something in his gut clench. Even in his
line of work, it was rare that a child ever looked at him like that.
Eggsy shook his head. After some hesitance, he'd started to tentatively return
the embrace. Harry felt the small hands on his sides as if they were red hot
brands. "She's still there. She never notices when she's like this. Doesn't
come in my room. Sometimes don't even notice if I go out the front door into
the yard. Just too far gone for it."
At the thought, the boy's eyes started welling up again. "I just... sometimes I
wonder if I should call the hospital, but I just... The NHS would pay for it,
but mum would probably get in trouble, and I dunno what would happen after
that."
Harry nodded slowly, guiding Eggsy back along the path. "That isn't something
you have to decide tonight. You have a key to get back in, yes?" Eggsy glanced
up at him with a slightly bewildered look, but nodded in the affirmative.
"Good. Then you can stay with me for the time being, and when you think she's
gotten whatever she's going through out of her system, you can give her a call
or I'll give you a ride back. No trouble at all." Harry gave the boy a small
smile and ran his hand down Eggsy's back. "I am glad you called you know. I'd
much rather know you're safe than wandering out here in the cold." Harry
confessed as they neared the street, spotting Harry's polished black car
waiting alone on the kerb.
"S-stay...?" As upset as he was, Eggsy had barely processed what Harry had
said. He walked numbly forward, guided by Harry's hand, but it took him a long
moment to see Harry's car and realize what he was suggesting. "I... I don't
know if I can, I-..."
But that was the clinch of it. Eggsy didn't know anywhere he could go without
getting his mother in trouble. He couldn't stay, and none of his neighbors
could know or they'd call the Met. He didn't know anyone else from school he
could stay with. There were no shelters nearby that he knew of, and any that
there might be would get alarmed at a boy his age out on the streets anyways.
That left wandering around in the cold, or enduring the flat and the sounds
coming from the other side of his bedroom and what he might see in the morning,
or... Harry.
Eggsy couldn't think about it and maintain composure. He felt Harry's gentle
touch on his shoulder and that was all it took to burst into tears and hide his
face behind his palms.
The sight of it startled Harry enough for him to stop. He stooped down to
Eggsy's height, looking up at the boy and kept his embrace firm on Eggsy's
shoulders. "It's alright now," Harry whispered. He dared to touch the boy's
hair, running his fingers gently through the short strands, amazed at its
softness. "If you'd rather, we could just stay here, but I'm not more than a
short drive away and It sounds like it's going to be a rather long wait. Eggsy,
you are welcome to stay with me, however short or long a time you want to. You
are not an inconvenience."
The boy's sobs stopped quickly, but didn't disappear; instead, Harry could see
Eggsy was just swallowing them down. Boys didn't cry after all, or so society
said, and Eggsy didn't lack for bravery. At long last, Eggsy nodded, lowering
his hands. He didn't look Harry in the eye, but his hands caught on Harry's
jacket. "Just go. Can we just go. Please."
"Certainly."
Harry rose back to his feet, put an arm around Eggsy, and led him to the car.
He helped the boy inside and then climbed in himself, taking down the parking
permit before Eggsy got a good look at it and turning on the heat. "There we
go. It'll be nice and cozy in here in no time." Harry pulled away from the kerb
and took the now familiar streets back toward Kensington, thankful for the
smooth flow of traffic at this hour. They drove in silence. There was much on
Eggsy's mind and Harry could see that plain as day every time he glanced over
at the boy out of the corner of his eye.
Eggsy huddled down against the seat, numbly watching the nighttime scenes of
the London streets flow by. He tried to pay attention to where they were going.
Part of him was clever enough to know that he might need to find his own way
back home - the same part that had learned that adults, even his own mother,
were not really to be trusted. Not completely.
Harry seemed so welcoming, though. He'd been kind so far, and come to get him
despite the hour and inconvenience, and the car's heater was warming his bones.
Eggsy concentrated on breathing and keeping his composure. Eventually he
noticed the transition of the neighborhoods, the move away from flat complexes
and sketchy retail shops into little boutiques, restaurants, and large houses
with walls and gates separating the properties from the street. "...are a fancy
one, huh."
"You got me, Eggsy." Harry laughed under his breath. There was no denying it as
they passed Kensington Gardens and the Royal Albert Hall, and, only a few turns
later, came upon a secluded little mew, almost a neighbourhood unto itself,
where Harry parked the car. "I can promise you this, the neighbours are every
bit as stuck up as one would expect them to be. So do be careful of Mrs. Finkle
and her broom on the corner there." Harry pointed to an eggshell blue house
near the front of the street before he climbed out of the car and saw to
Eggsy's door. Then Harry gestured with not a small amount of pride to the house
at the end of the walk. "This is me at the end here."
"Didn't think vets could afford places like this. Most I know are stuck in
council housing or out on the street." Eggsy grabbed onto the door handle and
slid out, closing it behind him. He couldn't help but stare a bit, but only a
second later he was following Harry up the walkway. The boy couldn't have
looked more out of place with his secondhand clothes, discount haircut, and the
shadows around the corners of his sharp blue eyes. He kept close behind Harry,
glancing about in disbelief that Mr. Garner's friend lived here of all places.
"Typically they don't," Harry conceded as he unlocked the door. "But I run a
tailor shop now, down on Savile Row. Much better pay. And...marginally less
dangerous." He gave the boy a smile and a wink as they stepped inside. Harry
turned on the light in the foyer, illuminating the quaint white staircase and
rows of framed medals and photographs on the walls, mixed in with the
occasional pencil sketch.
Harry's house, when the other lights were turned, was infused with a warm,
yellow glow. Watching Eggsy look about the room, Harry shrugged the jacket off
his shoulders and hung it on the coat rack. He could help the smile pulling at
the corner of his mouth as the boy took everything in. Harry had to wonder if
Eggsy had ever been inside a house in this part of the city. He could only
guess not.
"Come into the kitchen," Harry offered. "I'll put the kettle on."
Eggsy's wide blue eyes fixed on him, and after a moment he began to follow. The
boy's attention was split between an awed study of their surroundings and of
Harry himself, reassessing his previous conceptions of the man. After all, when
he'd met Harry before, he hadn't dressed the part of a Saville Row tailor, a
man of wealth and means. Only his accent had hinted at a difference in
background.
"You live by yourself, here?" Disbelief suffused Eggsy's tone.
"Mm, yes." Harry pulled out a chair, answering as casually as possible. Most
children would not question Harry's lack of a wife or family as anything
significant, but Eggsy, Harry was well aware after the boy's last
investigation, seemed to have a certain knowledge of the adult world only a
child growing up in his circumstances could have. "Here, take a seat, get
comfortable. Toilet's down the hall if you need it and - oh." Something small
and scruffy bumped into Harry's leg, paws clicking across the floor and making
a beeline for Eggsy. "And that'll be Mr. Pickle."
Harry grinned to himself, turning to find the kettle as the dog found Eggsy's
knees and tried to lick the boy's hands.
Eggsy's mood immediately lightened. Friendly dogs made it difficult to hold
onto an aura of fear or depression. The boy scrunched over, doing his best to
reach the enthusiastic ball of fur trying to give his hands a bath, and managed
to snatch Mr. Pickle up when he wiggled his way out from under the table. Eggsy
hauled the dog into his lap and wrapped his arms around him. Mr. Pickle,
delighted with this turn of events, stayed still for once.
"Sorry for being a bother, Mr... um, Harry." The boy's eyes followed Harry
around the kitchen as he puttered to the tap and then the burners.
Harry glanced back to the boy and he couldn't have kept the smile from his face
if he'd wanted to. "Eggsy," he chided. "It is nice to have you here. Truly."
Harry leaned against the counter top and just took the boy in. Stained tight
fitted jeans, bulky trainers, a too big jumper, little hands and a small smile
that could light up the room if he let it, and...surprisingly shy eyes. At
least they were now. Harry had seen them bold and determined before, headstrong
enough to defy Harry's word when Eggsy suspected he was lying. Humble but
strong. The same sort Lee had been made of, and in a child so young. Behind
Harry, the kettle whistled softly and he turned to find a pair of mugs. "No
Eggsy, before you came along, I was ready to settle in for another very boring
night indeed."
Eggsy's hand worked steadily down Mr. Pickle's back, stroking through the fur
while he watched Harry set the tea to steep. His feet didn't touch the floor
and, after a moment, he relaxed enough that they began to swing a bit. "What do
you normally do at night? Just telly or reading or something? That's what I'm
usually stuck doing, if I'm not doing homework. The other blokes have tried
inviting me out a couple of times, but mum wouldn't let me go. 'Cause they
smoke, or something. I think she thinks they're criminals and they're gonna
corrupt me. Bit silly."
Harry laughed. "Are you saying they don't want to corrupt you or that you're
already corrupted?" He poured a good dose of milk in each mug and brought the
two to the table with a few cubes of sugar should Eggsy want it. Harry didn't
miss the tinge of pink in the boy's cheeks at that. He rather delighted in it.
"Your pals would have a terrible time of it with me, I'm afraid," he added just
a bit over the top, just enough for Eggsy to notice he was putting on a bit of
an act. "I usually retire with a good book and a glass of wine at the end of
the day; far too boring for the likes of them I'm sure. And absolutely
incorruptible."
Eggsy was a typical young boy; he didn't turn down the sugar. Two cubes dropped
into his mug and a few others managed to wander into his mouth. Harry couldn't
help watching every time one snuck past Eggsy's lips. "They're not that bad,
really. Yeah, they smoke and drink a bit, but that's normal. An' it's just
regular fags, no hard drugs or nothing. Just kids. I think mum thinks they're a
gang or something, 'cause they always hang out together. They're nothing like
the gangs at school though."
Mr Pickle finally got restless and Eggsy, with some reluctance, let him jump
down to the floor. "What sorta stuff do you read?"
"Novels, mostly. Bit of Austen, bit of Kerouac...even a bit of Bond. As in
James. Wildly different from the films actually. Enjoyably so." Harry laughed
at first, but then had an idea. "We could put on a movie if you like. I think
I've got some popcorn stashed away in one of these cupboards somewhere and you
look like you could use a load off your mind." Harry sipped his tea before
deciding to add a cube of his own. A minor indulgence, one that seemed
appropriate for such a night.
"I didn't know James Bond was books," Eggsy murmured. He stirred his tea, and
Harry could practically pick the thoughts out of his head: considering how long
Harry was willing to let him stay, how late it was, whether he'd get in trouble
for being at the house of someone his mother didn't know and for watching a
grownup's movie. The thought appealed to the boy's rebellious side, and the
hurt he currently felt. Harry watched the beginnings of a smile turn up the
corners of Eggsy's mouth, shy at first, but growing. "...yeah. If that's ok
with you. I've never seen those, just heard about 'em."
Harry's eyebrows rose. "You've never seen James Bond? I dare say that's
something that needs to be rectified sooner rather than later." He took one
more gulp of tea and rose from the table. "Come along."
Harry's living room, he was pleased to say for just this very occasion, was
extremely comfortable. One long, plush sofa sat against one end while a wide
screen television resided at the other. Shelves of books surrounded the
remaining few corners. With the addition of a pair of sitting chairs and a wide
coffee table, all in dark oak and lit softer than the rest of the house, Harry
liked to think of it more like a den than anything else. If he was ever forced
to entertain visitors there, he let the light in through one tall window, but
usually he liked to keep it muted. Right upon entering, he tossed a throw
pillow to one end of the sofa, indicating subtly that Eggsy would be welcome in
that spot. "Make yourself comfortable. And let's see...." Harry went to the
cabinet to sift through various films. "We have Goldfinger...From Russia With
Love.... I wonder if you would prefer classic or modern?"
"Modern, please. I don't much like older movies." Eggsy gave Harry a nervous
glance, but the older man didn't seem to take offense. Eggsy breathed a sigh of
relief and flopped onto the end of the sofa strewn with pillows. He had to
scoot back a bit to get properly situated. Once he was comfortable, the boy
went back to examining his surroundings, mostly because it was all so different
compared to the rooms he was used to. "What's rectified, anyway?"
"GoldenEye then," Harry plucked one out of the case and inserted it into the
player. "And...hm? Oh, rectified." He didn't bother to hide his smile when he
wandered back into the kitchen for a moment to find the popcorn, keeping up
conversation between rooms. "That'll be 'put to rights', 'fixed', for no young
boy your age should go for very long without having seen at least one Bond
film. No matter what your mother says." Harry poked his head through the
doorway and gave Eggsy a wink before he slipped back into the kitchen.
It was...surprising how easily this was all coming to him. On some level Harry
had worried it wouldn't. As much as he was enthralled by Eggsy, the idea that
he could get on comfortably with the boy was a little surprising. The popcorn
finished just as the movie previews finished and the title credits appeared.
Harry emptied everything into a bowl, plopped it onto the coffee table between
them, and took a seat on the sofa next to Eggsy.
The boy didn't seem at all uneasy about sitting together. That made some sense,
given what Harry knew about him; Michelle was often out working or struggling
with her own issues, which would mean Eggsy was used to being watched by other
adults who weren't relatives or, from what Harry had inferred through
observation, by neighbors, both adults and older children. Eggsy leaned forward
to grab a handful of popcorn, and Harry caught a glimpse of the small of his
back as his shirt rode up just before the boy settled back.
A movie, as it turned out, had been an excellent idea. Eggsy was distracted
and, with the excitement drawing him out of his own mind, his haunted
expression vanished as his worries about his mother faded into the background.
Harry couldn't shake the joy that had settled into his chest. It was like a
warm, living thing that curled up inside him, brought about by Eggsy's mere
presence at his side. He'd reach for a handful of popcorn and find their arms
brushing together. Harry took pleasure in laughing at particularly outrageous
explosions or nudging Eggsy teasingly whenever relations between Bond and some
lady on the screen turned steamy. He delighted in the way the boy rolled his
eyes, no incriminating blush to be found.
Harry had made him blush before. If he really wanted to, he felt certain he
could do it again. The temptation was tantalising, but Harry knew he couldn't
rush this. He needed...he wanted, the boy to feel safe with him. Eggsy should
be wanted in his home when he felt he was wanted nowhere else.
By the time the credits rolled, their popcorn had been demolished and two more
cups of tea sat on the table, drained down to their leaves. Harry rather
suspected that Eggsy might have gone without proper supper if he and Michelle
had been fighting, or perhaps he might simply chalk it up to Eggsy's affinity
for junk food.
Even with the benefit of tea, however, the hour was late, and Eggsy was
beginning to grow sleepy. Harry could see it in the set of his shoulders, the
way the boy's eyes weren't quite opening all the way anymore, and the decrease
in the amount of fidgeting. The drain from all of his emotional turmoil earlier
also had to be weighing on him.
The credits were just beginning to wrap up when Eggsy stifled a yawn with the
back of his hand. "...prob'ly should get back. Mum'll have a proper freakout if
she comes to wake me up in the mornin' and I'm not there."
"Mm, true." Harry sighed but made no move to rise. He was enjoying this far too
much. Instead, he buried himself down into the sofa even further and closed his
eyes, letting a smile grace his mouth for Eggsy's sake, knowing the boy would
glance over at him and see him being lazy. It worked and Harry felt a nudge at
his side. His smile grew wider. "Ohh alright, if I must." Harry pulled himself
upright and looked down at the boy. Eggsy was curled into the couch, knees
drawn up and looking quite content where he was even if he was half asleep.
Harry wished more than anything in that moment that he could have asked the boy
to stay the night. Next time, his mind supplied. Or the time after that. Not
long now. Harry was encouraged by that feeling.
Harry gave Eggsy's knee a pat before he rose to grab the popcorn and empty mugs
and brought them to the kitchen.
Eggsy followed along behind him like a little shadow, his footsteps far
different than the clack of nail that signaled the presence of a far furrier
companion. "Thanks for having me over, Mr... um. I don't know what your last
name is, actually," the boy sheepishly admitted. As Harry turned from rinsing
and setting the mugs down in the kitchen sink, he noted how Eggsy's gaze shot
up from where it had been lingering near his waist. "I really didn't want to
bother you. I just kinda lost it. I didn't really know what to do or where to
go, just that I had to get outta the flat."
Harry set the dishes down and wiped his hands dry before turning more fully
toward the boy, even leaning down to catch his eye. "Eggsy," Harry began with
every bit of sincerity he could infuse into his tone, "I am glad you called me.
In fact, I dare say if you'd like to call me and do this again some other night
soon I would not turn you down, whether you have a reason to or not. I enjoyed
your company very much. I mean that." Harry didn't straighten again until he
caught the tiniest lift of a smile upon Eggsy's lip. When he did, he ruffled
the boy's hair and went for his jacket.
"As for my name, I'd almost rather not give it to you," Harry said airily,
pulling the wool tight around his shoulders. "More than once now I've heard you
attempt to call me Mr....such and such, and I would hate to think that if you
knew my last name you would stop calling me Harry."
"Adults just usually don't want me callin' them by their first names. They say
it's rude." Colour had washed through Eggsy's cheeks after Harry's hand had
touched his head, but he didn't lower his eyes. If anything, his spine
straightened. There was a question between the lines, one about Harry's
indulgence in letting Eggsy use a familiar name when others did not. "Are we
friends, then? 'Cause I really only call my mates by their actual names,
y'know. Most people don't want to be friends with a kid who don't know
nothin'."
Harry closed the last button of his jacket and grinned at the boy. "Why yes, I
think that would be perfectly wonderful if we were friends. And I don't see why
not." He held out his hand for Eggsy to come to him and wrapped it around the
boy's shoulders when he did. Harry used the pretence of leaving the house to
accompany the gesture, keeping Eggsy warm on the short walk down to the car.
"If we're going to be friends then I suppose I had better tell you my last name
after all then. It's Hart. Harry Hart."
"Hart." Eggsy repeated the word, letting it settle on his tongue with a slight
frown. "That's a deer, innit? The one with the antlers. A stag, I guess? I saw
summat about that in a book at school."
With Harry's hand on his shoulder, Eggsy finally smiled, his chin ducked down
to hide a mischievous grin. He felt special, having an adult who wanted to be
friends with him and help him. A posh, smart one at that, one who was nice
unlike some of his crotchety neighbors who yelled at him and told him he was a
stupid bothersome child. "I'd give you mine, but you already know it's Unwin,
so. I guess, um... one thing you don't know, my official name is Gary. On the
legal paperwork and the like. But don't call me that, ok? It just sounds
weird."
Harry laughed softly at that. "On my honour, I shall only refer to you as Eggsy
Unwin. Unless you grow up to be the next James Bond or some such, in which case
I will still call you Eggsy I suppose since it certainly wouldn't do to give
away your code name now would it?" Harry gave the boy a cheeky grin and ushered
him inside the car.
Once they were settled and the heat was back on, Harry pulled out of the drive
and they made their way down the softly lit streets of south Kensington. He
couldn't help glancing at the boy beside him. Every time a street lamp
illuminated Eggsy's features, even slumped tiredly in the seat as he was, Eggsy
drew his eye. More beautiful than a work of art, with the shadows dipping into
the curve of his mouth and the light painting his lashes like a bright halo
around his eyes, Eggsy was astonishing.
Eggsy curled up against the seat happily, enjoying the luxury of heated seats -
something he'd never experienced before. In truth, the seats were both
comfortable and a little disturbing, since the warmth on his backside only
reminded him of the magazines he had waiting for him at home. And,
embarassingly, of the number of times he'd snuck a look at his host's backside,
guiltily pondering why he was so attracted to the male physique and what on
earth he was supposed to do about it when everyone would expect him to find a
nice bird and settle down. Eggsy shifted just thinking about it.
All too soon, the brick walls and manicured lawns of Kensington fell away into
a more familiar neighborhood of council housing, pubs, and train tracks. Harry
pulled over to the kerb and Eggsy found himself strangely reluctant to leave
the warmth and the safe feeling of the car. He'd have to climb back up into his
bedroom window from the train tracks, most likely, and deal with Michelle's
moods and hangover in the morning, all in a sharp contrast to the plush warmth
he'd just come from. "Well... g'night, then, I guess."
Harry glanced uncertainly up at the estates before he shut off the car. "Let me
make certain you get back inside in one piece. I saw that rope contraption you
used to get down." He didn't particularly like the thought of Eggsy climbing
back up it, even if the boy was small enough to carry his own weight. Harry dug
out the parking permit and got out of the car before Eggsy could protest.
Instead, Eggsy was forced to follow close behind.
"I've done it before. Never fallen once." Harry didn't relent. Eggsy sighed and
followed him down the empty gravel path next to the train tracks. Nothing could
be heard but their scuffing against the small rocks and the distant sounds of
the city around them. After a few minutes they came to the right spot, a
makeshift rope of linens still hanging out from Eggsy's window. The boy rolled
his eyes at Harry's look of concern and grabbed onto the line, pulling himself
up with a quickness Harry hadn't anticipated.
Harry raised his eyebrows, but took the opportunity to place a hand at the
small of Eggsy's back as the boy began to climb. "I...stand corrected," Harry
laughed softly as the boy quickly slipped from his touch and he let his hand
fall. Harry stayed below him though, wanting to be there just in case Eggsy
should fall. He could see it wasn't needed though. Eggsy truly had surpassed
Harry's expectations even with his proficiency in handstands.
The boy's small form shimmied up the line to his window and crawled inside.
After a second, the white cloth began being pulled back through the casement,
rapidly retreating until it was no longer in sight. The tail end had just
disappeared when Eggsy leaned back out, grinning and giving Harry a wave. He
couldn't risk shouting down, but the gesture said everything all the same.
Harry grinned up at him in return and waved back before he shook his head and
made his way back to the car. Every step he took felt lighter than the one
before it until the door closed behind him and Harry knew he was going home
without the boy. Still, what they'd had had been a very good night. Better in
fact than Harry had hoped for and one that he hadn't had to engineer directly.
It left him feeling giddy, anticipation humming under his skin as he drove back
down to Kensington through the darkened streets, imagining what Eggsy was doing
now. Harry couldn't wait to see whether the boy had stayed up, whether he
seemed as giddy as Harry felt, or whether he'd simply collapsed into bed, too
exhausted from the night to stay up any longer.
Harry didn't bother with the dishes or straightening the living room. He draped
his coat over the rack and headed straight for his office.
The camera history showed a flurry of activity. Eggsy had neglected to sneak
out and brush his teeth, not wanting to wake his mother. Instead, he'd stripped
and donned his pajamas, a show all in itself, completely unselfconcious from
his ignorance of the cameras dotting his room. The lines of his body, all pale
skin and small, aroused cock nestled between his legs, were haunting.
Routine had followed afterwards. Eggsy wedged his desk chair under the doorknob
and dug out his stolen magazines, but this time he didn't stop at the pictures
he'd looked at before. He'd paged through the issue, scanning page after page,
frustration pulling his mouth into a thin line. Towards the end of the magazine
he seemed to find what he was looking for: a titillating shot of a model in
formal clothing, shirt unbuttoned and tie in the middle of being pulled off.
Eggsy had ducked under his covers, the edge of one hand stuffed into his mouth
to muffle the sounds, and jacked himself off to climax in a matter of minutes.
"Good lord," Harry breathed into the palm he'd pressed against his mouth. If
there had been any doubt in his mind that Eggsy was attracted to him.... It
made his own cock twitch in his trousers. He half wanted to drive straight back
and throw stones at Eggsy's window like a schoolboy himself, demand that Eggsy
return and spend the night, that it shouldn't have had to end with the boy
longing for Harry's touch just as Harry longed to touch him.
Harry palmed himself through his trousers and let his imagination run with the
idea of taking Eggsy home again, sitting beside him on the sofa, this time
turning, running his fingers through the boy's hair, leaning in to kiss him
when Eggsy turned questioning eyes Harry's way. He imagined what it would be
like to feel Eggsy's eager mouth against his, soft lips and small tongue. The
fantasy quickly progressed to Harry laying the boy out over the sofa, ridding
him of his ridiculous clothes, pressing him down, pressing into him, feeling
Eggsy's small body beneath him opening up for Harry, pushing inside the tight
heat of him. It would hurt Eggsy, Harry knew, the boy was so small, but Harry
could ignore it in this little daydream.
He imagined Eggsy's hands clutching the back of his neck, the back of his
shirt, whimpering and wanting more. Harry undid his trousers and took himself
in hand, remembering what it had been like to have the boy beside him, to feel
the softness of his hair and melding it with the imaginary Eggsy he could sink
into over and over again with every squeeze and twist of his hand.
Harry came into his palm with a shudder. The intensity of it winded him. It
took him moments more to come down from the high and regain his composure.
Enough for his eye to catch a message from Merlin blinking at the corner of his
screen.
Tailor shop. Now. Merlin's message could mean one of two things - that an
emergency had cropped up that required all hands on deck, or that his own
concern about the situation had spurred him into needing another conversation.
Either way, Harry couldn't very well ignore the summons.
He shut the laptop with the camera feed with great reluctance. It didn't truly
matter; the devices laced through the Unwin household would let him watch
everything that had transpired at his leisure. Harry simply craved more of
Eggsy's presence. Perhaps that was a warning sign, that he was so attached to
the boy already that he felt like he wanted to neglect his duties for even the
frustrating pleasure of watching Eggsy from a distance.
Harry truly hoped Merlin's summons wasn't about the boy, but he forced himself
to stand and pull himself together. He cleaned up and redressed in suit and tie
before donning his jacket and heading, for the third time that night, out to
his car.
Minutes later he arrived at Savile Road, parked, and walked at a brisk pace up
to the tailor shop. Very rarely was Harry ever truly nervous as he entered
those polished doors, even when he knew he might never make it back through
them again the following morning, but this time he felt a flutter of anxiety in
the pit of his stomach. This could be personal, and Harry never liked it when
work turned personal.
Fortunately for Harry, it wasn't. Merlin had promptly ambushed him in the
secreted interior of the shop, requesting assistance for a mission that
involved a red-eye trip out to Switzerland to thwart dangerous intellectual
property theft and kidnapping that may have put sophisticated scientific
weaponry in the wrong hands. The mission was straightforward enough, but Harry
found his thoughts drifting to Eggsy throughout, wondering in particular
whether the boy had missed him. His mobile didn't ring for the duration of the
night and day after, and Merlin began to give him more frequent looks.
They were holed up in a bunker for when Merlin finally broached the subject.
Their guns were out, dismantled for a regular cleaning before they went in to
neutralize their target's base. "...you're distracted. You're thinking about
that Unwin boy again."
Harry didn't pause at the comment, seated on a cot with his back to the wall
and a Glock in his hand and Merlin at his side, he did not feel particularly
jumpy. Even if what the man said was true.
"Mm, I suppose I am," Harry confessed. "I didn't get a chance to tell you last
night, but I wound up inviting him over to my house. Nothing special, just a
movie," Harry's mouth twitched up when he caught the wary flash of Merlin's
eye. "His mother hasn't been well since she lost her husband," Harry explained,
dropping a new magazine into the weapon and setting it aside before he reached
for another. "From what I gather, he feels the need to escape the house
whenever they get into a row or she gets into the bottle. New boyfriend now,
too. We'll see how long that lasts."
"How long that lasts with manufactured confrontations, no doubt," Merlin
huffed, running an oilcloth over pieces of the weapon before snapping then back
together and testing the find gun's loading. Satisfied, he inserted a new
magazine and set it aside. "Galahad? I didn't think I'd ever be in a position
to say this, and I doubt I'll be put into the position again by anyone but
yourself. We need your focus. If it's a matter of your needs being met to make
that happen, then fuck the boy, for god’s sake. Do it discreetly, and in a
manner that we can minimize the amount of damage control we have to do, but do
it if that's what it takes to put you back on your game and away from this
wool-headed pining."
Harry laughed. He couldn't help it. He put the lower half of the rifle he was
holding down, pinched the bridge of his nose, and laughed. He could feel
Merlin's eyes on him, probably caught somewhere between disbelief and
annoyance, and that just made it funnier. Harry did have the presence of mind
not to be too loud about it, however.
"It's not that simple." Harry sighed, catching his breath and picking up the
gun again. "I want...more than that. I don't want one night with him and
then...and then to break off contact completely." Harry frowned in distaste. He
could imagine how such a thing would go. Easily. Merlin was right, he could do
it now. Eggsy liked him enough. Eggsy would even be willing, but then when
Harry left, when Harry didn't see him again, or even if Harry tried to keep
their friendship going but had to hide from Michelle, all the secrecy....
Eggsy's high regard for him wouldn't last that way. Harry sighed, daring to
glance in the other man's direction, feeling the way he watched Harry silently.
"I want to keep him, Merlin. I want to have him and keep him both."
Merlin huffed in frustration or disgust. Harry wasn't sure which. "And here I
thought you weren't the sentimental type. I suppose it explains the previous
lack of one night stands, doesn't it? No matter." Another firearm made it out
of Merlin's duffel. He snapped it open and began dismantling it, cleaning each
component one by one with practiced hands. "So do it. What's stopping you? Do
you know how easy it is to bring a case for child abuse or neglect in this
country? Approach it like you would with a client. Analyze your leverage points
and the weaknesses involved. Strategize. It'd be a fair shot easier to pull a
boy into protection services and rehome him with you that it would be to have
to deal with damage control for a case of molestation."
"A very good point. I'm so glad you came up with it all on your own," Harry
gave the other man a cheeky smile. "Now I won't have to convince you to offer
your services in such a complicated legal endeavour." Merlin cast his eyes to
the ceiling and Harry couldn't stop grinning. "But first thing was first--I had
to get him to like me. Now, well, let's just say it's safe to say that he does
and I have the recordings to prove it." Harry snapped the last of his weapons
together and reached for the towel to clean his hands. It felt strangely good
to be talking with Merlin like this, so candidly. Even with the man looking as
put-upon as he was, Harry couldn't help a small swell of pride.
"Say that he does, and that I don't still feel a twinge of misgivings for
doubting the nobility of your intent and affections," Merlin countered.
"There's still the matter of bringing suit, providing the court a suitably
unsuspicious and appealing alternative to his blood relatives, and breaking the
news to the rest of Kingsman. Funds won't be an issue, but I hope you're not
counting on the boy's testimony overmuch to tilt things in your favor. Juries
rarely listen to anyone below the age of majority regardless of whether they're
professing confidence in a guardian or testifying about abuse."
Harry nodded, sobering somewhat. "It'll help that his father is dead and the
only other living relative is his mother's sister, a woman whom I am quite sure
does not ever intend to raise children herself. Still, I can only imagine she
would be the court's first choice should it come to that, but for her closeness
to her sister. If the mother is deemed unfit, that angle could be used against
the sister. The fact that I was a friend of the deceased father is one small
point in my favour. Michelle will fight it of course. Doubly so once she
realizes who I am." Harry leaned back against the cold concrete wall. He didn't
know why, but he felt the need to defend her. Fair was fair. "She was a
wonderful mother when I first met her. By the time this is all over I will have
single handedly done her more hardship than should ever be incurred upon one
person."
"We both know life has nothing to do with what is fair." Merlin snapped another
magazine shut, set the gun aside, and dug out a blade and an oilstone. There
was no telling what was coming, and it paid to be prepared with a well-tuned
arsenal. "We're not in this business to perpetuate justice and fairness, or
else we'd be bringing down our own employers and the whole bloody system. Some
endure more suffering than others, deserved or not. That's the way the world
is."
The rasp of metal against stone rang out in the enclosed space. It would have
been irritating but for how accustomed Harry was to the sound; as it was, it
was comforting. It meant he had someone competent at his back. "Mothers aren't
as favored for custody as one might think. Particularly if found guilty of
something the jury would find abhorrent. If such a leverage point doesn't
already exist, planting one is simple enough for an agent of your skill."
"I'll look into it." Harry brought himself out of his reverie. "Possibly, the
boyfriend's involvement could be used, depending on his character. If not, we
can think of engineering something." As distasteful as Harry found the notion,
and Merlin knew it, Harry wasn't above it.
With that, however, his mind was freed of much of the wool-gathering Merlin had
found so troublesome. He tossed aside the rag and got back to the logistics
plans they'd drawn up hours earlier. Merlin seemed all the more thankful for
it. Harry was glad to have the man on his side, confident in it now in a way he
hadn't fully been before.
Hours passed swiftly after that, in a medley of adrenaline, gunfire, and,
surprisingly, one very well placed poison. Thankfully, the hostages they'd been
sent to retrieve were intact and only a little worse for wear. This wouldn't be
an experience they would forget, but they'd live to vote and arrange deals
another date, much to the irritation of opposing political figures who'd paid
to have them discreetly removed from the picture.
Soon enough, cleanup had been left in others' hands, and Merlin and Harry had
retired to the plane they'd flown in on. Merlin was at the controls again, as
Harry had never bothered training up his piloting skills. He left the cockpit
door open, calling back over his shoulder every now and then to maintain
conversation. "Enough excitement for you for one night?"
"You know me, Merlin," Harry called back with eye on the lightening ground
below. "Never satisfied until all my projects are squared away." He let a touch
of mirth colour his voice. In truth, after they'd talked Harry had thrown
himself back into their work with single minded focus, enough for Merlin not to
have brought it up again. Enough for the agent to have realized, too, that his
allowing Harry to confide in him had helped.
Now, however, Harry was going to go home, catch up on some much needed sleep,
and check right back up on the Unwin boy. It had been just over 24 hours since
he'd heard from Eggsy, and Harry figured he ought to reassure the boy that
Harry wasn't having second thoughts about their new found friendship.
Merlin glanced over his shoulder, noted Harry's fatigued expression, and fell
silent. He knew the other man would sneak in a cat nap if allowed, and so
Merlin let him. Harry had assisted enough for one night.
The thrum of the engine vibrated through the plane's hull, but even that wasn't
enough to keep Harry awake. Metallic wings swept them both across the landscape
and several bodies of water, and a few hours later they descended onto a little
strip outside of London. Harry was already roused and alert again when Merlin
finished shutting down the engine and making his way back into the passenger
cabin.
Wiping the sleep from his eyes, Harry cleared his throat, stood, and
straightened his jacket. Merlin pointedly did not say anything about the nap,
but Harry caught what might have been a tug at the corner of his lip as they
stepped out onto the grounds of Kingsman headquarters.
"If you don't need anything else from me this morning, I'll retire home for the
time being and you'll have my report on your desk by the end of the day," Harry
said as they made their way toward the manor, passing techs coming to refit and
refuel the plane. He didn't pretend Merlin didn't know why he would rather
spend his free time at home these days when he'd been just as likely to write
up his reports in his office at headquarters before, but it wasn't unusual for
the agents to get out of there as soon as possible either. Especially when they
hadn't slept properly.
"Nothing else," Merlin confirmed with one raised brow. He knew, and he didn't
bother to hide his skepticism that Harry would be promptly retiring to catch up
on sleep. "Just don't dawdle on the report. Arthur may want to review it, and
we don't want him to decide that professionalism is slipping and that things
need more oversight, now do we?"
Merlin didn't wait for Harry to respond, simply turned on his heel to head
towards his own office. Rude, but understandable. Harry had put him into what
could potentially be an awkward situation. Merlin had proven willing to cover
for them for the sake of their friendship and working relationship, such as it
was, but he didn't have to be pleased about it or the earlier attempt at
deception.
Still Harry had faith he could get the man to come around. ...eventually. He
gave a small sigh and took the long corridors down to the tube. Other agents
nodded to him as they passed. It was customary to greet a knight recently back
from a mission, but not impede their progress with formality. Always posh,
never inefficient.
Harry jotted down half his report on the ride back. He decided to finish it
just as soon as he checked up on Eggsy.
***** Chapter 4 *****
The house was cold when Harry opened the door. He'd forgotten to set the
thermostat before he'd left. It seemed strange, too, that it also felt...empty.
Harry sighed again as he toed off his shoes and set his coat on the rack,
folding his ledger beneath his arm. He was not sentimental. Not at all. He
could have laughed. Harry did not appreciate having something to be sentimental
about, apparently.
He poured himself a glass of water and went straight to the office.
The world had not fallen to pieces in his absence. For the better, no doubt, as
he wouldn't have been in a position to have remedied anything while off on a
mission, but it felt anticlimactic to retrieve the footage recorded while he
was away only to find nothing out of the ordinary. Eggsy had disrobed,
redressed, and promptly gone to sleep, sprawled out peacefully across the
mattress without distress or interruption. He'd begrudgingly awoken and
prepared for school at his mother's slightly hung-over wake up call, and that
had been that.
Hours had passed, Eggsy had returned, eaten supper and done his schoolwork, and
listened to music on a beat-up secondhand walkman before turning in again. Now
that it had progressed to Saturday, Michelle seemed to be open to letting the
boy sleep in. The sun wasn't close to noon by any means, but Eggsy made quite a
sight in the yellow sunlight streaming in through the windowpane. He'd kicked
half his covers off in his sleep, and tossing and turning had pulled his
pajamas closer to his body than their loose cut was intended.
Harry decided to leave the camera on that image while he finished up the rest
of his report. The sun was shining through the crack in his own window
curtains, but Harry might as well have been a world apart from the little
figure lying in bed on his monitor. As tired as he was, he would have loved to
slip in next to Eggsy, to lie there with the boy no matter how ridiculous it
would be. Or even better yet, to crawl into his own bed with the boy there
instead, to open the drapes for once and let the light in and bury his nose in
the short hairs at the back of Eggsy's neck.
Harry sat back in his chair and watched the boy drift in and out of sleep. He
didn't realize his eyes were closing until he opened them, cheek pressed to a
page of his ledger and the computer's clock before him declaring three hours
had passed.
Eggsy was just beginning to stir, finally roused by a full bladder and an empty
stomach. The boy stretched, baring a smooth stretch of neck for a second, and
rolled out of bed. Clothes were plucked out of the dresser and tucked under one
arm, and then he padded off to the bathroom for relief and a shower.
Harry's eyes were glued to the screen, following the progress through the
cameras. Eggsy shut the door of the bathroom for privacy, oblivious to the fact
that privacy was now an illusion in the Unwin household. Pajamas were
unceremoniously slipped off and dumped in a pile on the floor beside his clean
clothes. The call of nature took only a few seconds, and then Eggsy was bent
over, turning on the shower taps and stepping into the spray.
Harry blinked and peeled the page away from his cheek after he righted himself.
He was suddenly and fully awake. Between the camera situated inside one bamboo
rung of the towel rack, positioned at waist height on Harry, chest height on
Eggsy, and another in the base of a potpourri box, Harry had the small space of
the room covered.
He wiped a hand over his face and took a sip of water, settling in with his
heart thumping in anticipation. The way Eggsy bent.... Harry had to save that
clip. Hell, he wouldn't mind framing it next to the newspapers on his wall.
Eggsy straightened up, eyes closed while the water ran over his face, and
slicked his hair back. A bar of soap was fished out of a little metal holder
and the boy began scrubbing himself. White lather quickly built up and clung to
his skin, but even that sight wasn't what had captured the bulk of Harry's
attention.
Eggsy was hard. His small cock was rigid and the boy already had plans. He'd
glanced at the door and, after a quick rinse, reached for the soap again to
slick up his hands. A moment later he was leaning back against the shower tile,
legs spread in a wide stance for ease of balance, fingers already wrapping
around his shaft.
Harry closed his eyes for only a second as he sat transfixed to the spot. This
boy was going to be the death of him. Overexertion. If only he could blame it
on the mission. Collapsed at his desk with a hand down his trousers was not the
way he hoped to be found when that day came. Merlin would probably leave him
like that out of spite.
Yet Harry could no more stop the growing hardness between his legs than he
could stop the sun rising outside. He pressed a palm to his crotch as he
watched Eggsy work. The boy had been quick about it the few times Harry had,
well almost had, witnessed this before. Harry didn't dare let his eyes wander
from the slide of Eggsy's fingers over his small shaft, until squeezing it
between them drew the boy's mouth open and Harry's gaze up with it. He could
just make out the small gasp Eggsy made through the speakers.
The exuberance of youth was such that Eggsy wouldn't last long. Boys didn't,
not when they first started exploring sex. They didn't know how to pace
themselves, how to draw the experience out, using different strokes and
pressure and their own thoughts to make the pleasure go on and on, riding just
on the edge of climax. In the beginning, it was all about quickness - frantic
strokes, desperate for a bit of relief from hormones that threatened to bring
madness, and a refraction time that would forever make them envy their younger
self once they were older.
Eggsy's hand moved quickly, arched back against the tile. Harry could barely
blink, just watching him. He had a feeling that it would be the same later,
when he replayed the recording again and again.
Harry squeezed his dick harder, hissing through his teeth. He had to stop doing
this. Every time Eggsy felt the need to indulge himself..... Except. Harry
really didn't need to stop doing this. His mission and report were finished.
The day was his. He'd barely slept. He still felt groggy and he needed a shower
himself, but Eggsy was such a vision on his monitor that none of that mattered.
Harry found his hand on the screen, feeling static electricity catch at his
fingers. He wondered if Eggsy would like the feel of that upon his bare skin as
much as he liked the hot water rolling down his body. Harry may have been
trained in electrical torture, but it wouldn't take much effort to dial down
the voltage, build up a light static charge, and run it along Eggsy's body.
Perfectly safe. He wondered if the boy would look like he did now, with his
eyes shut and his mouth open, beautiful and radiant with skin as soft and
smooth as the water itself.
Eggsy's chest suddenly expanded in a gasp. His hips canted forward against his
hand, his fingers tightened, and he shuddered. Droplets rolled down his face
and dripped from parted lips, but there was nothing to wash away but soap
lather. The boy was too young for that yet - old enough to feel the heady drive
of lust and release, but not the bodily fluids.
Eggsy stayed still for a minute, perhaps two, catching his breath and soaking
in the heat from the water. A hand thumped against the bathroom door, and Eggsy
jumped. "...almost done, just a second!" He turned the silver fixture with a
squeak and then stepped out of the cracked porcelain tub. He dried in record
time and dressed just as quickly.
Harry got up and went to take care of his own problem in his own shower. He
shed his clothes as he went, bothering only to drape them over the towel rack
before he stepped under the scalding spray. The heat soothed the fuzziness in
his head, but did nothing for the erection between his legs. Harry's hand went
there first, remembering Eggsy so clearly, just like he was standing now with
his head under the spray and water running over his shoulders.
Harry turned into it, imagining Eggsy was there as he had been, removed from
the tacky old bathtub of his flat and placed here in Harry's house instead.
Harry imagined bending over the boy, crowding him back against the wall. He
imagined wrapping Eggsy's small hand around himself, stroking slow and tight.
The boy would be startled at the size of it, so different from his own. Harry
imagined lifting Eggsy up, rutting between his thighs, letting the water
provide the slickness he needed.
Harry came over the wall like that. The fuzz in his head melted away and left
only warm bliss in its wake. He let himself soak up the spray for a long time
before he lathered himself down, washed his hair, and got out of the shower to
perform the rest of his daily routine.
He knew he wasn't going to try to sleep again. He would have to do without.
Harry had work to do today.
When he made it back to the cameras, Eggsy had already finished breakfast and
gone out. The flat was empty.
A quick review of the camera feeds showed the boy running off to one of the
other flats down the way. Two older boys answered, looking quite pleased and
like they had expected him. The teens grabbed backpacks and skateboards - three
of them - and they headed as a group down the stairs. Following them afterwards
was a trick, but not too difficult. The authorities in London had been busy
expanding CCTV coverage throughout the city, and those feeds were relatively
uncomplicated to crack. Harry tracked the boys to the nearest Underground
station and watched them consult the map and timetables before making their
selection.
Waterloo station. They had to be headed to Southbank, and from the look of the
backpacks, planned to make a day of it. Southbank was particularly famous for
skating and, much to the irritation of the nearby populace, the things that
came with the skaters it attracted: rubbish, graffiti, petty theft and busking.
Harry cracked a smile. He kept an eye on that camera, but once he was fairly
certain he knew what Eggsy would be up to for the next several hours, Harry got
to work.
Investigating Michelle Unwin's affairs was a relatively simple task. She didn't
own very much. No real estate, only a bit of savings left over from her
deceased parents--really it had been no wonder the shock of her husband's death
hit so hard. She had no one but her son and her sister, and that relationship
had been straining more and more ever since Lee had passed. Public records
revealed the sister rented as well, although it was easy to see she was far
better off financially, holding down a steady job at a law office and having no
dependents to provide for. From what Harry had seen of her, he was certain she
was the sort of person who planned to keep it that way. If things started to go
bad for Michelle, she would be the first person to call. Harry could be
certain, however, the sister could provide little help to Michelle for what he
had coming.
Dean on the other hand, would play a crucial role in Harry's plan. The man held
down a steady job at an auto shop halfway between the flat he rented with a
friend and Michelle. From the amount of time he was spending at Michelle's, and
the way the man's flatmate chronically missed his payments, Harry could see
where Dean set his sights on staying. Between the two of them, Dean had far
more friends. A fairly solid network of them in fact, but few outside of the
estates.
Harry decided his first goal would be to test the strength of Michelle's new
relationship. Dean had faired better than the last man she dated, but after
witnessing a few recorded fights between them, Harry had to wonder at his
character all the same.
He started with something small. With a quick call to Merlin, Harry gained
access to Michelle's bank accounts and, knowing she was due to pay her
boyfriend back for their last night out at the pub, made a very inconvenient
withdrawal.
The move paid off about two hours later, when Michelle arrived back home with
one angry boyfriend in tow. "Look, it doesn't matter. It's on the receipt from
the clerk, right? So even if I don't have enough in the account to withdraw
now, it looks like I did it already. I must've. Probably forgot it under a
stack of bills on the table or something. So let's just look."
"Forgot it. Right. You forgot a stack of quid." Dean glowered and followed
Michelle into the kitchen, watching her start to dig through the mess piled
upon the table. His hands clenched. "Did you leave it out where yer boy could
see it? Wouldn't put it past him to grab it an-"
"Eggsy would never," Michelle interrupted, glancing up at Dean with wide, angry
eyes. "He's a good boy, he understands money is tight right now."
"And yet you was just sayin' yesterday that he's been hanging out with a bunch
of hooligans down the way, worrying that they were gonna teach him to smoke and
get into drugs. Maybe they've been teachin' him more than that. Isn't that who
he's with now? Maybe he decided he needed some extra quid for their outing into
the City."
"Eggsy is not a thief," Michelle insisted, straightening up and dropping the
stack of papers she'd been flipping through. "There's not a chance he took it.
He knows where I keep my purse and money's never gone missing before."
"Doesn't mean it'll never start." Dean crossed his arms. "So, what. It doesn't
look like it's here, and you say your boy didn't take it, so where's it gone
to, then? Did you 'lose' it all at the offie?"
Harry set down his pen and folded his hands beneath his chin. Michelle and Dean
continued to move around the flat, going through piles of junk and papers, no
closer to finding the missing cash. It didn't help that Harry had remembered
the exact amount she'd owed Dean from their last trip to the pub. She was
convinced she must have taken it out, but he could read nothing but absolute
confusion upon her face as she went. Dean steadily grew angrier.
Eventually, Michelle did move to Eggsy's room, unable to avoid Dean's prodding
when they had no luck with the rest of the flat. Just as Harry knew she would,
however, she came up empty handed fifteen minutes later.
Empty handed, at least, in terms of money. While Dean had poked around with the
drawers and stacks of school papers on Eggsy's desk, Michelle had gotten onto
her knees, looking to see if she'd dropped the money out of her pockets while
gathering up dirty linens and things from the bedroom. She'd spotted a box
she'd never noticed under the bed before and, after pulling it out and peeking
under the lid, gone pale. It hadn't taken but a second to recognize her old
magazines and realize what they probably meant. It hadn't taken long, either,
to glance at the rest of the box's contents and estimate that they were of more
value than the sum of the pocket money Eggsy had gotten over the last several
months.
Michelle had put the top back on, shoved the box back under the bed, and called
off the search once she'd gotten to her feet. "It's not here. I'll keep
looking, but if I can't find it, I'll just pay you back on my next paycheck."
"That ain't good enough!" Dean's expression was stormy, and Michelle found
herself backing up into the living room. "You know what my flatmate's like.
What if I can't come up with this month's rent, 'cause of this? I'll be out on
the street, they won't let me sleep at the shop, and fat chance of finding
someone else to let a flat to me if I get a recent eviction mark on my record!"
He reached out to grab Michelle's sleeve, and she flinched.
"It-... it'll work out. I'll try to cut a few corners, see if any of the girls
at work will lend me a bit. We'll work it out. If you get kicked out of your
flat, you can stay here."
Dean made a sound of disgust that wasn't quite agreement and let go, stalking
off to the door and slamming it behind him. Michelle rubbed at her arm and
rolled back her sleeve. Bruises were already starting to form.
Harry sat back in his chair. Apart from the discovery of Eggsy's little stash
of contraband, that had gone about as well as he'd expected. He brought up the
CCTV footage of Eggsy and his mates, still down at Southbank. They'd found
another group of kids to mingle with and only a third of them were still
skating. Eggsy was interacting well enough with the others, in spite of being
one of the youngest boys there. Harry could only infer that the kids he'd gone
with did in fact appreciate his company. They were familiar faces by now and
Eggsy wasn't shy in their presence. In spite of his age, and even though Harry
didn't have audio confirmation, he could tell the boy was very adept at making
the others laugh.
It would be some time before they were home again, and that meant Michelle had
time to stew over what she'd found.
Harry had to busy himself with other things for several hours, stopping now and
then to check in on the cameras. Eggsy was far more interesting to watch,
interacting with the older boys and letting them teach him some skating moves
before they all walked down the street for a bite to eat. Michelle wandered the
apartment, tidying and continuing to look for the lost money and, at one point,
going back into Eggsy's room to go through his box.
She made a decision. Her mouth set in a thin line and she picked the entire box
up, moving it to the kitchen table. She and Eggsy were going to have a talk,
and Michelle didn't appear to be looking forward to it.
Some hours later, after Eggsy and his friends took the Underground back and
said their goodbyes, Harry sat at his desk and watched the boy make his way up
the stairs to the flat. Eggsy had barely got through the door and called to
Michelle to let her know he was home when she stood and came out of the
kitchen.
"Gary, we need to talk."
Eggsy looked up at her and immediately stiffened. The look on her face, the way
her arms crossed over her chest, were just as damning as the way she used his
real name.
It was Michelle who broke eye contact first. She turned back to the kitchen but
knew Eggsy would follow. And he did. It didn't take more than two steps for the
boy to see what had happened. There on the table sat the box he'd hidden away
so carefully under his bed, lid set aside and a few of the items sitting in
front of it.
Michelle sat down behind it and looked at her son expectantly. "Do you want to
tell me what this is?"
Eggsy froze. Harry could tell from the look on his face, captured perfectly in
the cameras, that he hadn't expected to get caught. He'd felt like his room was
a safe place, and so anything hidden within was not at risk. "Um... just some
stuff, y'know? My mates, they know I don't get stuff very often, so...
sometimes they get me things. As presents, 'cause we're friends and
everything."
Eggsy glanced down at the items that weren't explainable as 'gifts' and
flinched - it was unlikely that his friends would buy him adult magazines meant
for women, and dated from several years ago no less. Eggsy swallowed, trying
desperately to think up some way to dismiss them, but he had nothing. Michelle
had to know that they were hers, had to recognize them, and so she had to know
what his borrowing of them meant. The boy's complexion grew paler and paler as
fear took over.
She pushed aside a few new toys, sports memorabilia, playing cards, candy, her
face still set into a frown. It was a lot for even a few kids to spend on Eggsy
and it was plain what Michelle thought. She took a small breath before looking
back up at her son, ignoring the magazines for the moment. "I took out some
cash, I don't remember when but it was meant to pay back Dean." She bit her lip
and thought about her next words. "Noticed it missin' today. You know anything
about that?"
That hadn't been what Eggsy had expected her to say. His eyes locked onto her,
shocked. "What? No! I've never taken money from you, why would you think I
would? I've always asked if I've needed stuff for school and things!" Michelle
still looked skeptical, and the boy only became more upset in response. "What,
is this because you don't like my friends, is that what this is about again?
I'm not falling into some bad crowd, I'm not doing drugs, I'm not stealing
money! I didn't even know you had money, 'cause I never look in your purse, not
like you look in my room!"
She stared at him for a moment longer before she gave a small nod. Harry saw
the guilt in her face. Eggsy might have missed it had he not been such an
observant young boy, but Harry expected that he hadn't. Still, Michelle didn't
cave. "I believe you. You've never stolen from me before. But...I was lookin'
for that money when I found this. And...." She glanced down to the box and
didn't seem to know what to say. "Eggsy..." Her eyes finally wandered to the
magazines and she looked like she wanted to avoid it nearly as much as her son
did. "You shouldn't have these," she finally said quietly, her tone firm.
The boy shifted nervously, suddenly back to avoiding Michelle's eyes. For a
moment it seemed likely that he was going to run for it, either to his room or
out the door, but Eggsy was smart enough to know that wouldn't solve anything.
Might even make things worse. When he licked his lips and finally found the
nerve to speak again, his voice was a lot quieter than his passionate denials
of thievery. "Didn't mean anything by it. I was going to give them back," he
mumbled.
Michelle frowned. Her whole face set into a hard, distressed kind of tension,
barely an expression at all. She dumped the candy and the toys back into the
box and pushed it toward Eggsy, but not the magazines. Even the assorted sports
issues. For a moment more she seemed to chew on her next words before she
spoke. "I don't.... I don't like you having these. Never mind you're much too
young anyway. And Dean could have found it." Her mouth set and she gathered
them together before she stood. "You can put the rest away, but I don't want to
find you stealing any more junk. I'm getting rid of this."
Michelle went to the front door with the small stack under her arm, avoiding
Eggsy's eyes as she passed, and slipped outside.
Eggsy grabbed the box and bolted for his room. He didn't even try to keep the
panic, shame, and anger from his face, not now that Michelle wasn't there to
see it. He shoved the box back under his bed and shut the bedroom door. After a
moment of pacing he grabbed the desk chair and wedged it under the handle
again.
Only after he felt a modicum of safety did Eggsy start to cry. Not aloud, but
his emotions began spilling over his cheeks, droplet by droplet. Eggsy snatched
up his rubber ball from his desk and hurled it against the wall with as much
force as he could muster, only to rethink it a second later upon hearing the
loud thump it made against the plaster. He didn't want to give Michelle an
excuse to confront him again, nor a nagging about dents in the walls.
The boy ran his fingers through his hair, huffed out a breath, and grabbed the
rope he kept on hand for climbing out of the window.
Harry watched it all with tea in hand. Eggsy was a skilled climber. Harry had
to switch to the CCTV feeds as soon as he was out the window. The sun was on
its way down, but there was enough light left to see the small form of Eggsy
well enough climbing down the wall. The boy's feet hit the ground just as
Michelle re-entered the flat, magazines gone from her hands. She took one
glance at his door and put her hand to her forehead, shoulders heaving in a
deep breath.
Although Harry assumed she might check on the boy later, Michelle went to her
own room for now. She closed the door behind her and changed into more
comfortable clothes, her expression robotic.
Eggsy left without a thought to where he was going. He pulled up the top of his
hoodie to obscure his features. It wouldn't do much good, as anyone who saw his
short stature and small frame would assume he was a young boy out later than he
should be and unattended, but at least it would keep people from recognizing
his face. He jogged along the rocky strip beside the train tracks, just wanting
to get away from the flat and his confrontation with his mother as fast as he
could.
What he couldn't get away from were his limitations, or his own feelings.
Eggsy's shoulders were slumped in every camera angle Harry accessed, and there
really wasn't anywhere the boy could go. Eggsy reached Abbey Road and stopped,
looking up and down the street. He didn't have the money to go sit and hide in
a coffee shop for a bit, and even if he had, the staff would have treated him
funny and maybe called the Met on him. He couldn't keep walking until he got to
the Kilburn Library Centre, as that had already closed. Randolph Gardens and
Paddington Ground were both too far for him to want to walk. He was stuck.
Eggsy did the next best thing for a small boy who wanted to be out of the house
and alone: he turned around, descended the little hill, and tucked himself in
the concrete space under the Abbey Road bridge.
Harry had to shift between cameras several times to find him again. And
frustratingly enough, he could only make out the boy partially--a mere shadow,
silhouetted in the distance.
Harry glanced at his phone and then at the time. He would have to wait a little
longer. Wait until the sun went down a little more, until the hour struck. It
wouldn't do to call too soon after Eggsy had left. Too coincidental. Normally,
Harry would have determined the boy would need to call him on his own at least
twice before it was acceptable for Harry to call him first, but Harry did have
a reason now. Eggsy had been distressed and fighting with his mother just a day
ago. It was perfectly reasonable that Harry should check up on him after the
boy had been to his place.
After another fifteen minutes passed, Harry picked up his phone and dialled
Eggsy's mobile.
Harry could just see the boy jump, startled by the sound. He almost ignored the
phone, but after a moment he dug it out and looked at the screen. Once he
recognized the number, Eggsy picked up immediately and stuck the phone to his
ear. "...h-hey? Mister... um, Harry? Sorry, I forgot since I'd called you that
you had this number. Supposed to be my emergency phone." Eggsy's voice was too
thick, an obvious giveaway that he'd been upset and crying.
"Eggsy?" Harry turned his voice soft, startled. "Are you alright? I just wanted
to check in on you, see if your mum was any better. You're not fighting again,
are you?" Harry sat forward, concentrating on the call, on the cameras. He
could see the way Eggsy's head lowered, the way he hunched in on himself at
that even though Harry couldn't hear it over the phone.
"...y-yeah. Um. She got all mad at me today." Eggsy's voice was still so soft;
between that and the noise from the traffic on the road above him, Harry had a
difficult time making out his words. "She lost some money somewhere, thought I
took it for some reason, and ransacked my room lookin' through all of my stuff,
then threw out some of the things I had she didn't like. 'Cause she was mad
about the money, or the stuff I like, or my friends, something, I dunno. Maybe
all of it. I don't know what I'm gonna do now."
"She realises you didn't take it?" Harry asked. Eggsy gave a small sound of
confirmation. "And that didn't stop her?" Harry pressed gently. "Sounds like
you could present a reasonable case against her accusations, no? If she's upset
your friends are having a bad influence on you because she assumed you stole
from her when you've done no such thing, then she can hardly say that about
your friends now can she?" The sound of a truck passed overhead and Harry had
to wait a full five seconds before he could hear Eggsy on the other end again.
"Did you leave the flat again?" Harry asked, knowing Eggsy couldn't say no.
"Yeah. I didn't-... she might have wanted to yell at me more after she was done
throwing my stuff out, and I just... I didn't want any more of that. And it's
not like I can easily go buy replacements, and even if I did, she said stuff. I
think she's going to keep going through my room and poking around anyway, even
though I didn't steal her money, and chuckin' whatever she thinks is a bad
influence or something. I can't even have my own stuff." Eggsy picked up a
loose bit of concrete and threw it. It made a satisfying crunch off in the
distance as it hit the tracks. "Doesn't matter what I say. If it's reasonable.
It don't matter. She'll do whatever she wants anyway."
Harry hummed in sympathy and let conversation rest for a moment, letting Eggsy
hear him think, letting the boy gather his own thoughts and calm just a little.
"What stuff of yours did she throw away?" he asked carefully, gently. As much
as Eggsy had said, Harry would have been able to tell that was a sensitive
issue even without the benefit of having witnessed the entire confrontation
earlier. It was fairly clear that Michelle had either been so upset about the
money that she'd let inconsequential issues get to her, or that there was a
greater problem at hand.
Eggsy was silent for several seconds. The only sound that made it through the
receiver was the wind and the occasional rumble of traffic over the bridge.
"Magazines, mostly. Some toys. Maybe she thought I stole them, since she was on
about that so much. Sports stuff. She said she didn't like me having them."
Eggsy wasn't good at lying. Not at this age. He'd not perfected the art of
bluffing without tells. Upset as he was, Harry could easily hear the strain in
the boy's voice that told him that he was omitting something. He would have
known that even had he not seen exactly what had happened.
Still all he did was hum in acknowledgement. If he planned this right, he would
have time to ask later. For now, Eggsy would get a much needed break.
"Eggsy?" Harry asked softly. "Could I come and pick you up? We could get
something to eat. You know I'm not far and I don't like the thought of you
being out alone when you're not with your friends." Harry knew the boy hadn't
had a proper dinner, just chips with his mates earlier and that had been a
little past lunchtime. He was bound to be hungry by now.
Still, Eggsy hesitated. He didn't know Harry very well yet. Harry could
practically hear the boy thinking, weighing that fact against the time they'd
had before - at the coffee shop, and the movie night at Harry's home. At long
last, Eggsy spoke again. "...yeah. I'm... well, I'm under Abbey Road. The
little bridge by the tracks, y'know? I just didn't know where else to go. I
don't have pocket money, lots of stuff is too far to walk, and I didn't want to
bother my mates about this."
Harry suspected Eggsy might want to keep this fight from his mates due to its
origin, or at least until Eggsy calmed down and could think of a better way to
tell the story without giving himself away.
"I'll be on my way then. You stay nearby, ok? And mind the road." Harry waited
until he heard Eggsy's short huff of agreement before he hung up the phone. He
made sure he had his mobile and locked the laptop before he left.
This time, Harry didn't bother dressing down. He was still dressed far more
casually than standard Kingsman wear, but in shirt cuffs and tie, suspenders,
and jacket, he knew he looked quite a lot like the men Eggsy had been
envisioning in that magazine. The one he had lost and would likely never see
again. Better, even, for Harry was real.
Fifteen minutes later, Harry stepped out onto the kerb at Abbey Road, polished
Oxfords catching easily upon the ground, ready to sweep up the boy like a real
knight.
Eggsy had emerged from his hiding place to wait for him. He looked up once
Harry started to approach, the streetlight just managing to sneak under the
edge of his hood and illuminate his features. Harry's instinct wasn't
misplaced; Eggsy stared, full of shock, relief, gratitude, and a hint of
something else that caused his eyes to trace along the tailored edges of
Harry's silhouette and catch on finer details. He still looked on the edge of
being spooked as Harry closed the distance.
Then Eggsy finished the job for him, abandoning any attempt to play it tough.
The boy stumbled forward and embraced Harry around his waist, eyes shut tight.
Harry didn't waste any time hugging back. He folded both his arms around the
boy and held tight. Eggsy had only his hoodie to keep him warm again and the
boy felt chilled even if he didn't show it. Harry put a hand to the back of his
head and marvelled at the softness of his hair before Eggsy looked up. Harry
felt something inside him twist at that. He smiled, but he knew there was a
touch of sadness in it. He knew that Eggsy would see it. It also wasn't faked.
Harry may have engineered all this, but it still tugged at his heart to find
the boy out here on the street like this, waiting for him.
"It's good to see you again," Harry murmured.
Eggsy nodded, doing his best to put on a brave face and mostly failing. He'd
seen Harry's sad look, and he didn't want Harry to think of him as the pathetic
kid he kept saving from his home life. Pity didn't feel good. "You too. You
look, um, different, like this."
Different didn't quite cut it, but it was close enough. Harry's fingers on his
head, in his hair, felt strange, and Eggsy's hands tightened their hold on
Harry's clothing. "Could we go? I've been out here a bit and I don't really
want to stay here anymore."
"Yes, absolutely." Harry kept an arm around the boy as they walked back to his
car. His fingers lingered, trailing along Eggsy's shoulder when he unlocked the
door and let the boy climb in. After that, Harry didn't dawdle. He climbed in
and pulled away from the kerb. Only briefly did he consider and discard the
possibility of eating out. It would not impress the boy and Harry far preferred
to have Eggsy in his home. Eggsy would prefer to be away from other people
right now anyway. And it was earlier in the evening than the last time Eggsy
had been there, fortunate for both of them. "I planned on having pasta for
dinner tonight," Harry began without taking his eyes off the road. "What do you
think?"
"That's fine. I'm not picky, but I like Italian stuff." Eggsy's stomach chose
just that moment to growl, causing the boy to cringe in embarrassment and wrap
his arms around his abdomen. "...sorry. Haven't eaten much today and I didn't
really have time to grab anything. My mum started yelling at me right when I
got back and I didn't stick around long enough to get food before I left. I
didn't want to give her another chance to yell and ask me questions or accuse
me of stuff."
Harry glanced over at him at that. He let a comforting hint of a smile grace
his mouth. "Sounds like she wouldn't be in a mood to do much cooking tonight
anyway. And fortunately for you, I am. And have no intention of accusing you of
anything either." He caught the way Eggsy glanced at him, one quick look away
from the window and back as if the boy were shy about it. He bet he could guess
what Eggsy was thinking just then, wondering what Harry would say if he found
out. Wondering if Harry would reject him or be uncomfortable with it like his
mother had been. Harry didn't let himself react. He kept his eyes on the road
and a warm expression on his face, anticipating the night to come.
"Are you good at it? Cooking?" Eggsy was steering the conversation away from
the fight and his mother's accusations, not wanting to risk finding out what
Harry might think about it and about him. Not wanting to find out what he'd
think about the Unwin family's poverty, either - that his mother would have
been forced to cook regardless of how she felt, because they couldn't afford to
eat out even at the cheapest place right now. If Michelle was so worried about
money to pay Dean back that she was willing to consider that her own son had
taken it, it meant things were bad.
"I like to think so." Harry went along with the conversation, happy for now to
be lifting Eggsy's spirits if only by taking his mind off it. "But you'll have
to be the judge of that."
They drove on with only mild conversation, Harry elaborating on the kinds of
pasta he preferred, before they arrived at the secluded little mew in South
Kensington. When they got out, Eggsy still looked a little unsure of himself
being there at Harry's doorstep, but Harry put a hand against his back once
again and ushered the boy inside.
It was just as it had been the last time Eggsy was there, softly lit and
inviting with the homely touches Harry had added over the years. There were
many items on the shelves and pictures on the wall Harry was fond of,
aesthetically, or small trinkets he'd brought back from some other country, but
very few of them were personal.
Eggsy was fascinated regardless, wandering around and looking at everything he
was tall enough to see while simultaneously trying not to appear too nosy. He
seemed a bit more comfortable now that they were inside and away from whatever
neighbors might be watching, but Eggsy's recent fight with his mother only put
their differences into even starker contrast. Michelle Unwin constantly fretted
about money, keeping food on the table and a roof over their head, but not
enough to avoid unwise indulgences. Eggsy's clothes were all from the
secondhand shop, showing a bit of wear by the time he got them, and he was out
of place among his classmates and peers, so much so that he had to steal just
to have anything of his own. Even then, it was still nowhere near what his
peers showed off or talked about, leaving him a bit of a social outsider as
well.
To Eggsy, Harry didn't seem to lack for anything. Maybe a family, as his house
was strangely empty aside from his dog, but that wouldn't be a problem with the
money he seemed to have. Very few things were a problem if you had sufficient
money. All of it made the boy wonder why Harry would even bother with a
penniless little chav if he could go anywhere and do anything.
The thought made Eggsy strangely afraid, for how short of a time he'd known
Harry. He didn't want the older man to lose interest. Not just because Harry
had helped him a bit now, or because of his current surroundings. Harry was
interesting, and very different from everyone Eggsy knew. He liked him, and
also recognized at a certain level that being friends with Harry might mean a
certain level of safety. He'd have an escape from home if he needed it. If he
was going hungry at home and at school, he might not need to steal, because
Harry might help him out.
Harry left Eggsy to wander as he went to the kitchen, taking out pots and pans,
forks and spoons. The house wasn't so big that he couldn't keep an eye on where
the boy was or what he was up to, and Harry felt Eggsy probably needed a few
moments to himself. It was rather enjoyable, actually, having Eggsy nearby in
comfortable silence as Harry took what he needed out of the pantry and
refrigerator and then got to work.
When enough time had passed and Eggsy's feet led him back to the kitchen, Harry
tossed the boy a small smile. "Would you be so good as to fetch the wine from
the pantry just around the corner? Silver bottle, green top."
Eggsy nodded and took off. Harry saw him jolt to a halt just inside the pantry.
It was easy to imagine what might be going through the boy's mind: similar to
the rest of the house, the space was well-stocked, more than Eggsy was used to
seeing and of higher quality things he might not have recognized as familiar.
When meals were coming out of no-name cans and cardboard packaging, or out of a
grease-stained paper sack, it was a shock to see a larder full of wines and
rows of elegant glass containers, each airtight and well labeled with the
contents within.
Eggsy tore his eyes away and set about the task Harry had given him. After a
moment he found the right bottle and carried it back out, held tight in both
hands like he feared he would drop it. "This it?"
"Ah, very good." Harry took the proffered bottle and let the pots on the stove
simmer. He set it at the table along with a pitcher of iced water before he
went to fetch glasses. Rising steam out of one of the pots on the stove
interrupted his progress and Harry had to stop and drain the noodles. He asked
Eggsy to fetch more things for him as he added them to the dish and slowly
Eggsy got better acquainted with the kitchen.
By the time they were finished, the pasta smelled delicious and Harry could
hear the boy's stomach rumbling. He didn't bother to hide his grin at that,
even when Eggsy's cheeks coloured a little.
Harry set the table for two and served them both heaping bowls of noodles. He
also poured Eggsy a glass of water before uncorking the bottle of wine with a
loud pop. Then, to the boy's surprise, Harry took two long stemmed glasses out
of the cupboard and set one before Eggsy. "You're welcome to try it if you
like."
Eggsy nodded eagerly. He was curious, and also anxious to be viewed as an
adult, not as a stupid kid. The fact that Harry offered gave him a bit of hope.
"Yes, please. Everything smells great."
Harry reached across to take Eggsy's glass and the boy watched, wide-eyed, and
with an odd sort of expression. Harry had seen it before, when on missions,
usually on someone who was having doubts that he was real or, in some cases, on
rescue targets who were worried he was going to disappear and never come back.
Eggsy lacked the frantic desperation of such people, of course, but the
parallels were familiar.
It only made Harry feel bolder.
He poured the glass and held the boy's eyes as he handed it back, then poured
his own. He'd intentionally chosen something light for this meal, a sweet wine,
not wanting to turn Eggsy off to the bitter taste of it. Harry doubted this
would be the boy's first taste of alcohol ever, but it was certainly a first
all the same. After he set down the bottle, Harry held up his own glass, almost
as though he were ready to make a toast.
"Now, take a sip, and let me know if you don't like it. Be honest, I won't be
offended."
Eggsy picked up his glass, glancing at the way Harry held his and adjusting his
grip to match, then raised it. The boy was doing his best to look like he'd
done this before, but after the wine hit his tongue, his eyebrows rose.
"Shit. Oh, um. Sorry," Eggsy flushed in embarrassment. "It's not shit, it's
good. It's just different. I've gotten to try beer and some hard stuff before,
a bit, but they really didn't taste very good. Not like this. Is wine usually
like this?"
Harry burst out laughing and then reigned it in enough so that Eggsy wouldn't
think he'd done something wrong. "Not always. This is a very light wine, the
Italian Prosecco. Usually it's a bit dryer than this, but I find that can get a
bit harsh on one's palate. There are red wines, white wines, wines that are
very sweet and wines that are very bitter. Some are an acquired taste." Harry
took a sip of his own and then set into his pasta. "I find it quite enjoyable
to share with pleasant company in moderation." Harry glanced up to find Eggsy
watching him with that look on his face again, and Harry didn't attempt to
disguise the affection in his gaze.
Eggsy froze. Red tinged his ears, and there was a touch of guilt on his face -
wondering if Harry had somehow been able to read his thoughts. Wondering, too,
why Harry found him pleasant. Eggsy had always heard people talk down or
dismiss people like himself, and while that rubbed him the wrong way, it was
hard not to take such a message in and start wondering if it was true. Eggsy
didn't feel stupid or inferior to someone just because they were born with a
bunch of silver spoons, but Harry was the first wealthier person he'd met who
made him feel self-conscious instead of defensive.
The boy also didn't know how to respond to affection. Not from anyone who
wasn't his mother, and that affection was becoming hard to come by these days.
"That pleasant, huh?" he finally got out, unable to look away from Harry. "Not
an, what'd you call it? Acquired taste?"
Harry's smile only grew wider. Eggsy was proving well capable of holding his
own in conversation. "No, in this particular case I should think not," Harry
dropped his eyes back to his plate, scooping another helping of noodles onto
his fork. "Although, when you put it that way, I must admit that I do often
enough find certain sorts of company to be an acquired taste." Harry watched
Eggsy blush before he spoke again. "And what about you? I know I had to earn
your trust. Is that usual with the company you keep?"
Eggsy was just taking a large bite of noodles, and it took him a couple of
seconds to clear his mouth to speak. "Um... yeah, kinda. Mum's knocked it into
my head that someone could just snatch me up, y'know, given she can't watch me
'cause she's working all the time or tired. Took me awhile to learn to go out
and enjoy stuff. My mates had to help me learn to relax a little. I think she
was just worried that, what with what happened to dad and all, she didn't want
to lose me to some accident too."
The boy poked at the noodles on his place, twisting until he had another
forkful. He glanced up at Harry, gauging how well he was taking the
conversation, then dropped his eyes again. When he continued, he was quieter
and lacking the confidence of his earlier words. "Didn't... help, exactly, that
we're really different. My mates are older than me, too - I don't really get
along with a lot of people at school, in my year - but they've lived the same
stuff. Same worries, same problems. They're kinda like big brothers. People
who're better off usually don't look at me twice, and if they do it's 'cause
they're worried I've nicked their wallet or are gonna cough on them or
somethin'. I didn't think you'd want to talk to me more'n two seconds after I
got yer dog back."
Harry's smile didn't falter. He'd known as much. "That's understandable. I'm
afraid those of my means haven't given you much reason to expect otherwise." He
could very easily have added a comment about the way Lee had felt the same at
first there, but Harry sidestepped the notion for another. "Glad to hear that
someone encouraged you to out and explore the world though. Mates like that
sound like the sort to keep around if they've got your back. They could have
easily turned out otherwise. I believe that is a rarity to find in any social
circle. Would be a shame to lose friends like that." Harry took another sip of
wine and thought about Michelle. "How come your mother doesn't like them?"
Eggsy frowned down at his pasta. He wasn't certain he was supposed to talk ill
of his mother but, on the other hand, he was also still angry with her and
stinging from rejection. "My mum came from better means, before. She doesn't
really like where we live, or the sorts that live around us. Gets along well
enough with some of the women she knows or works with, and a few guys, but she
thinks everyone else are a bunch of chavs. Thinks my mates all steal and do
drugs and break stuff for fun, and that if she lets me hang out with them too
much I'll become antisocial, is what she said. Why she went into my room, I'm
sure. Thought I'd been corrupted, learnin' stuff from them and copyin' them.
I'm sure she's gonna be even stricter from now on."
Harry's eyebrows raised at that, but then he remembered what Michelle had been
like when she'd had Lee. Harry remembered her then, the first and only time
they had met, and he had to surmise that was what Eggsy meant when he thought
she'd been better off. They certainly had been, compared to what they were now,
even if someone like Harry would not have considered her in another social
class at the time. She'd just been at the upper end of it. He nodded his
understanding.
"You seemed very upset when I spoke with you over the phone. More so I imagine
than an ordinary fight." Harry tread carefully. Eggsy was relaxed now. He was
enjoying the wine and even that small amount of alcohol had helped his nerves.
"Did she throw something valuable of yours away?"
Eggsy immediately shut down. He hadn't had much to drink, but not much was
required with how small he was, and it sabotaged what minimal skills at lying
and hiding that the boy had. His fork picked at the remaining noodles on his
plate, just pushing them around aimlessly. After a few seconds of working
through his panic, Eggsy found the courage to speak. "...yeah. She thought I'd
stolen stuff, if not her money, then other stuff. I told her I hadn't, but
she... didn't like the stuff she'd found. More bad influence stuff. Said she
didn't like me having it, and she was gonna go toss that stuff in the bin, and
that she didn't want to find any more. Which means she's prob'ly gonna start
going through my room on the regular now."
"I'm sorry to hear it." Harry frowned. "I can't imagine you'd had anything
truly all that terrible." The boy continued to avoid his eyes. "You could
always leave something truly ridiculous for her to find next time." Harry took
another sip of wine, swirled it nonchalantly in his glass. "Send a message
perhaps. Could even become a game if you both kept at it." He allowed only the
barest hint of humour in his tone. Eggsy had to think he was serious. "Little
notes perhaps. Einstein's essays written in your hand. Secret love letters..."
"She's not gonna think it's anything more ridiculous than what she threw out.
Worse, she'll prob'ly take it serious." Eggsy spoke before he'd really thought
about what he was saying and how his words might be interpreted. "Might decide
I'm mental, or that I've really got someone I'm seein', or that the drug
worries are real 'cause she's finding stuff that make no sense or ain't
normal."
Eggsy's mouth felt dry. He reached for the wine glass close at hand and took a
drink to try to stop his tongue sticking to the top of his mouth and his throat
from closing up like it wanted to do.
Harry watched the boy fidget with a frown. "Sounds like a bit of an
overreaction to me." He set his fork against the plate. "Unless you truly are
in need of a mental health professional, or you've developed an addition to
hard narcotics, or have somehow become wrapped up in an abusive relationship, I
don't see that she has any right to censure your methods of exploring the world
so long as it doesn't hinder your progress in life. Whatever you decide that
may be. Although," Harry gave a soft sigh, "perhaps this is why I'm not a
parent."
"She probably thinks it does, cause she doesn't like it." Eggsy swayed a bit on
his chair, feeling lightheaded all of a sudden. Everything in the room looked
softer, warmer. To the boy's horror, he felt himself on the verge of tears for
the second time that night. "She looked at me all funny, like I was a
disappointment, and was all worried about what her boyfriend would think. Or
do. Something, I dunno if she meant her, or me, or the both of us. I thought
for a second she was gonna kick me out of the house."
"Oh, Eggsy." Harry pushed back his seat and moved around the table to crouch
before the boy. With one hand to Eggsy's shoulder, Harry steadied him, but
there was no hiding the distress in Eggsy's face. Gently, Harry rubbed the
boy's back. "I'm so sorry. I promise you it won't come to that, and if it ever
does anyway, we will find a way to work it out. I know I may not be a part of
your family, but as your friend, as Lee's friend, I could not sit idly by and
watch that come to pass."
"You wouldn't like me either." Harry's touch seemed to open up a floodgate. Or
perhaps it was the kindness inherant with it, and the loosening effect of the
wine. Eggsy couldn't bear to look at Harry, and soon enough droplets rolled
down his cheeks to leave dark, wet circles on his trouser legs. "I'm not
normal, and she found out, and she didn't say anything. She didn't say it was
ok, cause she doesn't think it's ok, and she was worried about Dean finding
out."
Harry brushed a lock of hair away from Eggsy's forehead, unperturbed by the
boy's tears. They were expected at that point. "It wasn't drugs she's worried
about, is it?" Harry asked, softly, but flatly. He knew already of course, but
he wanted the boy to understand that he'd caught on and he needed to broach the
subject gently. He shifted a little closer, inclining his head in search of the
boy's eyes even though Eggsy was still too ashamed to look at him. "Eggsy.
Whatever it is that you like, I will not judge you for it."
"It’s not drugs-..." Eggsy hiccupped as he drew in a breath, too distressed to
keep his voice quiet. Everything just poured out of him. "It'sboys. I... I
think I'm a queer, and she got mad and threw out my sports magazines because of
it, 'cause she didn't want me looking at them, and she was worried about Dean
finding out, and what if he does? What if she tells him and he hits me, or they
kick me out of the house? I don't think my mates would like me anymore, not
after they knew, they'd probably think I was gross and hitting on them or
somethin' and I don't know what to do!"
Harry sighed softly and gripped Eggsy's shoulder, pulling the boy toward him
until Harry could fold him into an embrace. "That's what's gotten you so worked
up? Eggsy, that's nothing. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of." The
way Eggsy was crying into Harry's shoulder, tears falling into his shirt
collar, did little to diminish how good it felt to have the boy in his arms,
all trembling warmth and welcoming, clinging to Harry. "They might not see it
that way, I'll grant you that, but the world at large? Trust me, there are far
worse things to be."
Eggsy clung like he was never going to let go, so relieved to have someone else
know that wasn't rejecting him that he didn't want to move. "But... I don't
want them to hate me. It's in the newspapers and stuff, too, that you get beat
up or murdered or homeless. I didn't even really figure it out until recent,
and I dunno what to do! Mum caught me borrowing her magazines and I thought she
was gonna killme. And she threw out all my sports stuff, 'cause it had pictures
of men in it, even though they weren't dirty or anything."
Harry stroked the boy's hair and settled into the crouch, content to remain
there as long as Eggsy held on. "If that's the way she thinks her boyfriend
will react, then I suggest you refrain from telling him, and make it as clear
to her that she should do so as well. Her thoughts on the matter are going to
be another issue altogether I'm afraid." Harry sighed. Eggsy was fearing the
worst, and truly Harry did not know Michelle's private thoughts on the
relations of men who liked other men, but from what he had seen of her, he
doubted she would reject her son over it. It had been a shock for her that
played straight into his hands, for even if she and Eggsy did make up after
this, Harry would still be the one who'd accepted Eggsy first.
"Please say you don't want to stop being friends." Eggsy was beginning to
settle down, lulled by the fact that Harry hadn't moved away, but a bit of the
fear remained. Harry was already pushing limits, in Eggsy's mind, by being
friends with someone much younger and from a very different background. One
more thing might be one thing too many. "Please. I don't know what's gonna
happen or who I'm gonna lose. I don't want to lose you too."
Harry laughed softly, even turned to place a chaste kiss against Eggsy's head
as he petted the boy's hair and drew back to look at him. Harry smiled at
Eggsy's wide eyes. "That would be very hypocritical of me to stop being friends
with you over this," he told the boy pointedly. "So you have my word, I
wouldn't dream of dismissing you on such an account. If," Harry cocked his head
and raised a brow, "you would do the same for me?"
It took Eggsy a moment to understand what Harry was telling him. Harry got to
see it all play out on the boy's face - so incredibly open, so innocent.
Eggsy's sadness transformed into a kind of wonder, tinged with hope. "Y-you...?
You too...?"
Eggsy's hands went to his face, grinding his palms against reddened eyes and
trying to wipe the remains of tears away. If Harry was gay, too, maybe he'd
know things and be able to help him. Maybe, if things had turned out so well
for Harry, things would really be alright, just like Harry had said. "Y-yeah.
Yeah, I'm not leavin'. I want us to keep being friends."
Harry laughed. He didn't try to hold it back that time. It was so very hard to
hold back the warmth that flooded up inside him along with Eggsy's renewed
hope, small as it was. "I'm glad." Harry let that fondness invade every part of
his face. He could feel it at the corners of his eyes, the welcome strain of
his mouth, the loss of tension between his brows. It felt good. And it felt
good that Eggsy should see it, should be the cause of it, and that the boy's
spirits should rise in return. "And if anyone ever messes with you about it,
they'll have me to speak to next. Even your mothers boyfriend." Harry let a coy
smirk touch his smile. "I have ways and means to seek retribution he could not
possibly imagine."
"Thanks. I mean it." Eggsy smiled back at Harry, and it was fragile and
tremulous, but so warm and fond that Harry felt his heart skip a beat. He'd
just secured a great deal of the boy's loyalty and trust, and no small measure
of affection. He'd been the first to support Eggsy, and the first of any of his
friends to know.
Eggsy's gaze drifted lower, following the line of Harry's neck to where it met
his shirt collar and took in the wet patches across one shoulder. "... 'm sorry
I kinda ruined your shirt. And dinner. I just kinda cracked, y'know? I still
don't know what I'm gonna do when I get back home. I have to tell mum not to
tell Dean, but that means I have to talk to her about it."
"That you will," Harry sighed. "But by then...perhaps she'll be willing to talk
to you." Harry laid his hands on Eggsy's shoulders. "Hold her to your own
standards when you do speak. You need not be ashamed; you've done nothing
wrong. I conversations with one's mother get to be very fraught with, well, all
sorts of history, but she should accept that much at least." Finally, Harry
glanced at his collar, though he couldn't make out much of it. "And don't worry
about that." As if to see better, he loosened his tie and undid another button.
"I have more shirts."
Harry didn't miss the way Eggsy's body tensed up, or the way the boy's eyes
flickered towards the newly bared skin only to pointedly look away. Anywhere
but back at the parted cloth below Harry's neck that drew the eye downward.
"It's going to be so awkward," Eggsy groaned. "I don't even know what I'm going
to do if she asks questions. Sometimes I get embarrassed just thinking about
stuff, nevermind telling someone else. I mean, what if she tells me I can't see
my friends anymore, because they're all blokes and she gets the wrong idea? Or
she won't let me watch the games on telly, just like she threw out my stuff,
because she gets all weird about it?"
"She can hardly stop you from interacting with half the population." Harry
shrugged. "It could possibly get even weirder if you started hanging out with
girls instead. Besides, that isn't the point. It will be awkward, but you don't
have to tell her everything that's going through your mind. You don't have to
tell her what you like and what you don't like. If you have any crushes, you
don't have to tell her that either. You can tell her exactly what you want her
to know and you don't have to confess any more than that. She may be your
mother, but these are your thoughts." Harry squeezed Eggsy's shoulder and let
that sink in.
Eggsy considered for a moment, then nodded. His mother had already invaded the
privacy of his room, and his belongings. Violated, too, his sense of power and
safety by deciding what he was allowed to own and taking away what she decided
he shouldn't, on the basis of her own comfort levels. Eggsy wasn't keen on
giving up the privacy of his own mind as well. "Yeah, I guess so. I just... I
don't want to have to do it. I just started figuring this out, and I'm still
not sure if I'm ok with it."
The boy glanced down, then finally met Harry's gaze again. "Can... um, I call
you if things get bad? Or to talk about stuff? I probably can't much, 'cause my
phone doesn't have a lot of minutes on it, but I don't know anyone else to talk
to. My mum won't know, and that's if she even decides she's ok with me. I can't
tell my mates. I just can't."
"You may absolutely call me. I think I should be very worried if you didn't
call after all this, in fact. As for your phone, well, that can easily be
rectified. Here, let me see it." After a moment of hesitance, the boy reached
into his pocket and handed Harry his phone. "Now you probably have a number to
look up your account...ah, yes." Harry stood and fetched his wallet from the
tray at the counter top and dialled as the boy looked on. With Eggsy watching,
Harry read off his credit card for the customer service agent on the other end
and added several more hours of talk time with automatic payment activated
whenever the time ran out.
Eggsy looked well and truly touched by the time Harry handed the phone back.
For someone who'd been relatively isolated, not fitting in with his peers and
of limited options to get out of the house, having a phone had never been a
reasonable solution before. Minutes were expensive, and he'd only ever had an
hour or two of phone time, reserved for use in emergencies only. The limitation
had never bothered Eggsy much before, as his few friends either lived in the
same flat complex or went to his school, but now that he felt he couldn't talk
to them the phone was like a lifeline. "Thank you. Um. I'll try not to bother
you too much, but this is great, not having to worry about running out."
Harry smiled and sat down again, though this time he dragged his seat a little
closer. "Don't worry about it. If I'm caught up at work, it'll go straight to
voicemail and you can leave me a message. To be honest, I'd like to hear from
you at least once every other day, just to be sure you're ok." Harry let his
tone turn serious. "I mean it. I know what situations such as this can be like
and I know you don't want to be any trouble, and that's why I'm going to ask
that you call me. If you don't, I will call you. Does that sound fair?"
"Yeah. Sounds fair." Harry didn't have to twist Eggsy's arm to get him to
agree. Acceptance, and the notion that Harry might act as a mentor as well as a
friend, had left the boy optimistic. Rather than being a chore to be avoided,
Eggsy actually wanted to check in with Harry. Having someone to talk to who
wasn't going to judge him was a relief. "If... you do call, though, don't do it
until after dinner. I can't talk during school, and I don't go to my room until
after dinner, and I don't really want my mum or Dean to see me on the phone.
They'll wonder who I'm talking to and why I'm using the emergency phone, 'cause
it's not supposed to have a lot of minutes."
Harry nodded with a touch of a smile at his mouth. "If I ever do call at
inconvenient time, just pick up the phone, say 'who is this?', and I'll know to
pretend to be a solicitor. You can hang up a second later and no one will be
the wiser. Other than that, you may call me whenever you'd like. If I'm not
with a client, I'll answer whenever you need me."
Eggsy looked much calmer, and much happier, now than when he'd first arrived,
and Harry felt proud of that. He didn't want to let the boy go, for more than
one reason now. Eggsy may be blunt and crass at times, but it oddly didn't make
him any less pleasant company.
"What do you say to desert?" Harry asked. "I think I still have some chocolate
cake in the freezer. I could heat up a couple slices."
"Hahaaaa, yes!" Eggsy laughed, rocking back and forth on his chair. He graced
Harry with a smile that no longer showed a hint of fear or sorrow. Both
emotions would return, no doubt, when he left Harry's home and came up against
reality once more, but for now he felt safe and much, much happier. "Do you
even have to ask? Who doesn't want chocolate cake?"
Harry stood to leave for the kitchen, and to his delight Eggsy slid off of his
chair to follow.
Harry had to laugh along, glancing back at Eggsy dancing along in short steps
behind him. "Okay." Harry dug around in the freezer, finding the pan he'd left
there a day ago and a carton of ice cream he plopped down on the counter in
front of Eggsy. He fished out two small plates and handed a spoon to the boy.
"Think you can dish up some ice cream to go with it?"
"'Course I can," Eggsy grinned. It was a reminder of just how young the boy
really was, that his problems were so easily sidelined by simple pleasures.
Eggsy watched Harry slice into the remaining cake and put one plate into the
microwave. He'd already gotten the top off of the tub and was digging in with
his spoon, making little icy curls while he waited. "Who was the cake for? A
party for someone?"
"Oh no," Harry laughed. "I just felt like having cake." He watched the curl of
the boy's brow and Harry found the lightness of Eggsy's mood infectious.
"That's the great thing about being older--you can have things like that
whenever you want to. No parents to tell you otherwise. You don't even need a
special occasion. I find it goes wonderfully with a cup of coffee in the
evenings after dinner." Harry shrugged. The way Eggsy looked at him made him
wonder if he'd just touched upon one of the boy's dreams, so Harry bent closer
and gave the boy a conspiratorial grin. "What would you do if you could have
anything, without repercussions?"
"Oh man," Eggsy breathed. His eyes went distant for a moment while he thought,
revisiting any number of idle daydreams. "Like, anything I wanted? A much
bigger house, with my own room just the way I want it, and nobody could come in
unless I said so. And it'd have little hidden spaces, like in the movies,
'cause hidden rooms are just awesome. It'd have a skate park out back, and a
target for a BB gun or something. I'm too short to drive a car yet, but I'd
want one. And I could get pizza and scotch eggs and as many double deckers as I
wanted, just whenever. I wouldn't have to go to school anymore, and I could
stay up as late as I wanted."
Eggsy paused in consideration. "...and if I decided I did fancy havin' a
boyfriend, nobody would say nothin' about it. Maybe we'd go on holiday
somewhere interesting. Not here. I haven't really thought much about that yet
though."
Harry laughed and switched out the plates in the microwave. "Sounds like you
would have a very lucky boyfriend indeed." He leaned back against the counter
and folded his arms, falling into an easy comfort with the boy. "You'd probably
want to go somewhere romantic. Somewhere sunny, I'd imagine. Morocco would be
lovely. They call Paris the city of love, but I say you'd have to avoid the
tourists--and the locals alike, to really enjoy it. Italy, I think you would
like Italy. And Venice." Harry smiled as he thought of Eggsy upon the shores of
Venice. "Oh yes, I bet you would enjoy travelling the world."
"Don't even know what's in Morocco." Eggsy got to work with the plate in front
of him, dragging the spoon through the ice cream until he'd come up with two
solid scoops and deposited them next to the cake. "Or lots of other places,
really. Thought about goin' to warm places someday, if I can afford it, but
that's mostly 'cause it's so cold and rainy here so much. Beaches with palm
trees and such, not like the tourist towns down south, where it's basically the
same but the pub looks out at the sea."
The microwave beeped again, and Harry deposited the second plate in front of
Eggsy. He watched the boy grow thoughtful, a question stirring in his youthful
mind. Eggsy shot him an oddly shy look that lasted all of a split second.
"Harry...? Do blokes even do romantic stuff? If there aren't girls involved.
Blokes like us, I mean. I've never seen anything like that."
"They can. All depends on the blokes in question," Harry gave a little shrug of
one shoulder while Eggsy handed him the second plate of cake and ice cream. He
put the tub back in the freezer and then turned with a hand on Eggsy's
shoulder, leading him back to the dining table. "Often they'll do things for
one another, small gestures of affection, or favours, or allow the other to get
away with things one would normally hate. They can be very romantic or not
romantic at all, in the classic sense. Vacations together are quite common."
They took their seats at the table again, this time closer still. "Personally I
think it's best when the gesture is something meaningful to both parties,
whether or not it would be considered traditionally romantic."
Eggsy didn't continue the conversation right away. The ice cream on his plate
was quickly growing soft around the edges, and for several seconds the boy's
attention was occupied with devouring the treat before it melted and turned the
cake into a soggy mess. He looked around while he ate, noting again the lack of
personal photographs. Eggsy's eyebrows slowly drew together. "...have you had
that happen, with someone? Or just seen it with other people?"
"Had someone I was romantic with?" Harry asked, taking another bite of warm
chocolate caramel.
"Hmm. Not in a long time I'm afraid. Life has a way of getting in the way. And
it's rare that I find someone I like." He watched Eggsy's eyes dart back and
forth between his cake and Harry's face. Harry took another bite and let
himself savour the taste with a little ice cream mixed in. "What about you? Is
there anyone out there you fancy, specifically?"
Typical of his age, Eggsy flushed and looked down. "No, n-not... really. I just
started figuring stuff out and, well... you know." Eggsy poked at the remaining
chocolate crumbs on his plate. Harry watched the boy's eyes raise slightly and
stop, settling somewhere near Harry's plate. Or, more specifically, his hands.
"I was looking at magazines and stuff, but they're just pictures. It's not the
same thing, I don't really know who any of them are besides some of the
athletes. And I don't know anyone else like me at school. Or anyone I'm really
interested in, 'cause I don't get along with a lot of the kids in my year
anyways."
Harry nodded slowly, scooping the last bit of ice cream onto his fork "Hm, well
I wouldn't worry about that. You'll notice when you find someone attractive."
His mouth lifted before he took another bite, gathering up the last bit of
crumbs. He took his time with it, pretending he couldn't see Eggsy's glances at
him out of the corner of his eye until he put his fork down and looked back up
at the boy. "And there's plenty of time for that."
Eggsy looked so flushed in the warm light, his cheeks almost aglow with it.
Harry couldn't help but look at him, even if he had no excuse for the time he
spent doing so.
Luckily, he had ample cover. Eggsy was so preoccupied with his own thoughts and
emotions that he didn't notice anything amiss. "Well... yeah, maybe. But that's
also not how it works, I know that much. The other person has to like you back,
and being, um... gay... is kinda rare, isn't it? And you'd have to get along
with them too, besides that. It's hard enough for normal people to find
someone, and they're all over the place," Eggsy lamented. "It's not like you
can just ask, either. Lots of people would beat you up if you asked if they
were gay."
"That is true," Harry conceded. "But they do say the number is closer to 1 in 5
actually." He took a sip of water and watched the surprise flash across Eggsy's
face. "Although it is hard to say. Often, people will flock together. Like
minds tend to find each other. And some people aren't very particular either
way. I suspect...," Harry began slowly, "that the company your family keeps
tend not to include such crowds. And that it might be difficult for you to find
such people because of that. However. I can see also that you're not
particularly good at staying within the confines of those boundaries your
mother has set for you, and that could work in your favour someday. You've
already found me, after all. All on your own."
Eggsy's expression cleared as he nodded. So much of the boy's ruminations had
been on the dire way things were presented in the media and popular culture.
He'd felt alone, unusual, and without much hope for the future. Harry was
already proving him a bit wrong, and Harry would know about these sorts of
things. He was older and had probably gone through the same worries and all
sorts of experiences Eggsy was only just starting to imagine.
"Yeah. I did. Well, we found each other. Sayin' I found your dog first doesn't
have the same ring to it," Eggsy finally laughed. "You're probably right about
my family, though. It'd be nice if they did. If mum knew some other people,
maybe she wouldn't flip at me so much."
And just like that, Eggsy's good mood came crashing down again. "...Harry? Did
you... ever tell your parents?"
Harry hummed, but there was little mirth in it. "No, I never did, although I
don't suppose you could say I told them much else either. Not when it came to
things that were important to me. They were a very traditional sort. I'd spend
long periods away from them growing up, away at school and the like, and I
suppose I got used to it. I dare say I enjoyed my time away from home far
better and that continued into adulthood." He gave a tight smile. "I don't
regret that, not while knowing it wouldn't have worked out anyway. I'd rather
have saved myself the trouble."
Eggsy was speechless for a moment. He hadn't considered that, with how well
Harry's life seemed to have turned out, that things hadn't gone equally well
with his family. A search of Harry's features didn't show any distress, but
that did little to ease the guilt Eggsy felt from asking. "I'm... sorry. That
it didn't work out. It's not fun, not being able to talk about stuff that's
important to you." There didn't seem to be anything else to say, and with Harry
still smiling at him, Eggsy found that he couldn't look away. He really didn't
want to look away.
"It was many years ago." Harry shrugged. It was difficult to even pretend to be
sorry about his parents when Eggsy was looking at him like that, and so Harry
didn't try. It was unfortunate, very unfortunate, that he couldn't let it go on
for long. He let his smile dampen. "As much as I would like to keep you, I had
probably best get you back before bedtime." There was a decent chance Michelle
would realize her son had left, too. But Eggsy had his phone on him and they
would find out if that were the case. Harry was glad his mother had that
foresight, for he far preferred Eggsy receiving a panicked and angry call from
her than the police out searching.
The boy groaned, but he pushed his plate aside. "I don't even want to go back.
I don't want to talk about stuff, or have her tell me to keep stuff hidden from
Dean. He's a jerk, anyway." Eggsy was slumped over, but he wasn't defiant when
Harry rose and placed a hand on his shoulder. Harry guided him easily enough to
the door, and out to the car waiting outside. Moments later the engine was
purring and transporting them back to Eggsy's neighborhood near St John's Wood.
Eggsy fidgeted, glancing repeatedly at Harry and pouting about being made to
return.
For Eggsy's benefit, Harry tried to hide the way that made him smile. There was
little use in it, but it did make Eggsy's pout turn up at the corners and Harry
was rather proud of that.
When they parked in front of the estates, Harry didn't shut off the engine or
open the door right away. Instead he glanced over to Eggsy and considered the
boy. "Why don't you come over again tomorrow? That way you can avoid the house
if you need to and you can tell me how things went. That is, assuming you're
not grounded from visiting your mates. We can make an afternoon of it, visit
the shops and such. You can tell me if any blokes catch your eye."
"I... can't, unless you pick me up. Or come visit." Eggsy was suddenly quite
interested in his feet. "I can't use the Underground very often. Mum can't
afford to get me a card, and I don't think she'd let me even if I did."
After a heartbeat, Eggsy glanced over. "I could... probably say I'm going to
hang out with a mate, and mum would be alright. She really only cares if I do
my homework or if I come back smelling like alcohol or smoke. I just can't go
very far."
"Well I can certainly pick you up. And truly, even if you rather we'd stay
here, I'd like to make sure you're well." Harry reached across and gripped
Eggsy's hand with his own, immediately bringing the boy's eyes up to him. Harry
squeezed and gave Eggsy a warm smile. The boy's skin was so soft. Harry would
have brought it to his mouth if he could. If a sliver of that desire edged into
his expression, well...perhaps Eggsy wouldn't mind. But Harry did ease off. He
had to. As much as he wanted to push this, he couldn't.
Eggsy nodded and sighed, sinking down in his seat and letting Harry know just
how unhappy he was to be back home before he opened the door and stepped out.
He didn't neglect the opportunity to linger and look back after he'd shut the
car door. After a few seconds, the boy made his way back around the edge of the
building. For all that he was making a show of being downcast, Eggsy was
thinking furiously, both about the night he'd had and what to do with his
mother and her boyfriend.
Harry wasn't present to watch his climb back into his bedroom window, or so
Eggsy thought.
As was becoming routine, Harry returned home and wasted no time in bringing up
the monitors. If the office hadn't been very much his go-to space already, he
would have certainly considered networking the feed to the sitting room below.
He'd just changed into his night clothes and poured himself a modest glass of
wine when he noticed Michelle had not gone to bed after all.
She'd moved back into the living room at some point, and from the way she kept
glancing nervously at Eggsy's door, Harry would venture she'd tried knocking at
least once to no avail.
Eggsy had, by then, made his way back up the rope and into his room. He'd
changed out of his clothes and into his pajamas, a routine that never failed to
delight Harry, then paused at the bedroom door. His chair was still in place
under the knob, but Eggsy didn't have Harry's advantage. He didn't know whether
Michelle was still awake or not. Going back out to brush his teeth and use the
bathroom was running a risk.
After a minute or two of deliberation, Eggsy decided to go for it. He moved the
chair and opened the door, sneaking out into the hallway as silently as he
could.
Just as expected, Michelle's head shot up. "Eggsy? Honey?" She quickly muted
the telly and half got up off the sofa to catch her son. Eggsy had moved so
quickly that he was well into the room before he was caught and there was no
turning back. Except that Michelle could easily see that he hadn't intended to
talk to her, hadn't thought she was there at all, and for a moment she looked
almost as surprised as he was. She recovered more quickly. "I wanted to talk to
you."
Harry noted her tone had changed dramatically from hours prior. She was far
more hesitant now.
Terror filtered into Eggsy's features. He was stuck, unable to force his feet
to move back towards his bedroom in retreat, nor towards the loo. Michelle was
too close now. He could have run and hid in either room, but neither would do
much good; Michelle knew he was awake, and where he was. She wouldn't let up
until they'd talked. Eggsy only looked more anxious as his mother drew near.
"...a-about what? You want me to leave?"
She looked a little stricken at that and rushed to counter it. "No! I just."
She bit her lip and sank back into the couch a bit. "I wanted to tell you that
I was sorry. For not trusting you, for going in your room. And I shouldn't have
made you feel like...." She trailed off, obviously quite self conscious about
it. "Would you come here? Can we talk?" She put her hand on the cushion beside
her and looked at her son with an expression eerily reminiscent of the wide
eyed ones Harry remembered Eggsy giving him.
Eggsy didn't want to. That was plain, and yet the boy felt like he was
obligated, like he had no choice but to comply. He'd often defied his mother in
secret, but never directly. Eggsy walked closer, his heart stuck in his throat
and every footfall weighted. When he sat, it was at the very end of the sofa,
right on the edge where he could get to his feet at any moment. "Ain't nothin'
to talk about. I can't change it. J-just... don't tell Dean." The boy found
himself on the verge of tears yet again. "I can't help it, I tried."
Michelle bit her lip and she looked almost as sad. "Honey.... I shouldn't have
said it to you like that before. I don't...think it's bad, I just. It was just
a bit of a shock. And you're so young. How do you know that won't change when
you're older?" Tentatively, she reached between them to catch her fingers at
the edge of his hoodie, almost like she wanted to rub his elbow, but the motion
was hesitant.
Eggsy looked back at his mother in shock. He pressed back against the arm of
the sofa. "You do think it's bad. You think I didn't already think of that?
That I didn't try to change it or see if I could find a girl I fancied? Any
girl? I tried already. Even let a girl kiss me at school, just to see and
'cause then maybe people wouldn't talk, but nothin' happened. And I know this
stuff don't change when you're older, it just is, and you're stuck with what
you get. I just... tried, okay? I know what happens to... to p-people like me,
alright, and the junk people say, and I can't bloody help it, so don't ask."
Michelle's hand fell away. She looked lost, set adrift in a storm she hadn't
even known had been brewing over her son until that day. "I...don't want you to
get hurt. I love you, you know I do. I just. I don't know what to do. I don't
know how to help. I've never...." She gave a helpless little shrug. "Look, if
that's the way it is and that doesn't change, well, then that's fine. But I
don't want to see you hurt. And I don't want you looking at pornography, any
kind of pornography, at your age. I'm not backing down on that one." She looked
so distressed, not knowing where to be firm and where to be kind.
"Which is why you threw out all my sports stuff, with all the pictures of
people with clothes on," Eggsy muttered. He ignored the sad look Michelle gave
him in response to his angry stare. "You won't talk to me about stuff! You
don't even know about this stuff. I can't ask you, I can't ask the health
teacher at school, and I can't tell my mates about this. There ain't even any
books in the school library. What'm I supposed to do, 'cept figure it out for
myself?"
"Eggsy." She grew bolder and reached over to put a hand on his arm. "You don't
have to figure all this out right now. I know...how people are. And I know that
I...I overreacted. But I don't want to push you away. Even if I don't know
much. I'd rather we talked than fought. I feel awful that I thought you
might've taken the money. And I...I want to help. I don't know who to ask
either. But you can talk to me still, alright? And I won't tell Dean. Not if
you don't want me to. I know you don't know each other real well yet. I like
him, but I don't know what he'd think about it either."
"You can't tell him, he'll hate me." Eggsy was staring down at the hand atop
his sleeve, stricken and tense. He looked like he wanted to run back into his
room. His hands clenched in his lap until they turned white-knuckled. Eggsy
couldn't even imagine talking to his mother about things. She seemed to think
he was too young for sex or sexuality; she was expecting shy and innocent
crushes, dating advice, a shoulder to cry on when Eggsy asked someone out and
got rejected. Not questions about why he felt funny when he woke up in the
morning, or what to do with the heavy, hot feelings that rushed through him
when he looked at certain people or photographs. Michelle couldn't help him
puzzle out the meaning of his fantasies and what to do about them, and he was
embarrassed to ask about when sensitive changes might start to happen. "I... I
just want to brush and go to bed, okay? I really don't want to talk about it
right now."
Michelle frowned, but nodded. "Okay." But it was another moment before she let
go of Eggsy's arm. The smile she gave him was wavering, but patient. Patient as
only a parent could be. They'd fought before. Michelle almost certainly had her
own suspicions of whether her son really was as exclusively gay as he claimed.
Not unfounded, Harry thought as he watched the drama play out in the Unwin's
living room. Eggsy wasn't yet even ten and as he'd told Harry himself, was only
just beginning to realise all this. But it seemed she really had rethought her
initial reaction. Harry could detect no hostility in her manner, merely
lingering discomfort.
"Let's have a quiet day in tomorrow, yeah? I'll be home. No Dean," she added
hopefully.
"Umm..." Truth be told, Eggsy was in no hurry to be stuck alone with his mother
for the day. Not after their fight earlier, and not with how little there was
to do inside the flat. Michelle's idea of fun activities didn't necessarily
match up with the boy's tastes. Eggsy's hands drifted to the front pocket of
his hoodie, and Harry knew he was touching his cell phone. "I... guess so? What
would we do?"
Michelle tried to smile and shrugged. "Just have a quiet day I suppose. If you
want to see your mates some, that's fine too. I just...want to spend a bit of
the day together, y'know?"
Harry sipped from his glass and watched Eggsy's hopes shrink and rise by
fractions. The exchange was clearly painful for both of them, even if Michelle
was attempting to remedy it, or put a start to remedying it, by spending more
time together.
It was difficult for Harry to draw forth emotion over the scene before him, but
that did not mean he couldn't dissect the nuances that lay beneath her
beseeching looks and Eggsy's stiff and guarded posture.
"Just a bit? I kinda wanted to go out by myself later. Maybe next door, see Ted
and Nate for a bit. If that's alright." Eggsy understood what his mother
wanted, but one day wasn't going to heal the rift that had opened up before
them. Especially not one 'quiet day' together, with Eggsy bored from a lack of
things to do and both of them stewing in the tension. They didn't have the
funds to go out anywhere, or to purchase something to do together at home. With
Michelle's recent concerns about money, it was likely that they'd be eating
smaller portions of the cheapest food they could get until his mother paid off
enough debts to get them steadied again.
"Yeah, 'course. That's fine." Michelle's mouth lifted a little. She would have
likely realized the same, that she could hardly keep Eggsy cooped up for an
entire Sunday. And the nature of their argument and her lingering guilt also
seemed to have had an effect on her willingness to allow Eggsy to see the
friends she only reluctantly tolerated so soon after a fight. That certainly
worked in the boy's favour.
And Harry's, who suspected it would not be difficult for Eggsy to slip away not
long after lunch at the latest unless Michelle came up with some spontaneous
and frugal outing.
"Okay, well... um, if it's alright with you, I'm kinda tired. From everything."
Eggsy shifted and got to his feet before Michelle could protest or voice
agreement. His gaze settled on his own feet. His hands were still in his front
hoodie pocket, and his cell phone weighed heavily in his hands. Harry had
rescued him from feeling stressed and trapped a few times now, and Eggsy's
thoughts immediately went to the safe feeling of the house he'd just been in,
but it was far too late for him to call. Far too soon, as well, as he barely
knew Harry yet. "I'm gonna go brush and get some sleep."
"Okay." Michelle nodded. "Goodnight then."
Her face contorted into a sad smile when Eggsy turned around and made his way
to the bathroom, but she didn't say anything more. After another minute,
Michelle reached for the remote again and turned back to the telly. Harry could
tell she was only half paying attention. She sat there quietly while her son
got ready for bed, arms wrapped around herself and feet drawn up on the sofa.
When Eggsy passed again, she looked up and tried for another smile, but the
moment passed in silence until Eggsy had shut the door to his room again.
Eggsy spent some time listening for movement outside his door. He could hear
the dim sound of the telly in the distance, but that was all. After a minute of
staring at his cell phone, he set it aside on his dresser and slid under the
covers. His breathing took awhile to slow, and it was only after many worries
played themselves out to exhaustion in the boy's mind that he finally slept.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Morning came too quickly. Eggsy woke earlier than he had the previous day,
squinting against the sunlight that angled through his bedroom window. He
sniffed at the air, but there was no hint of eggs or bacon. Either Michelle was
planning a cold breakfast, or she wasn't awake yet.
Eggsy decided to risk it by exiting his room with a bundle of clothing under
his arm, hoping to beat his mother to the bathroom and have a bit more time to
himself.
He'd been right, his mother wasn't awake. The house was silent and her door was
shut. Eggsy would have no trouble avoiding her for at least another hour yet
since she'd probably stayed up at least as late as he had.
Unbeknownst to either of them, Harry had slept in for once as well. He'd needed
it, and for once the Unwin household spent a morning unobserved.
It wasn't until Eggsy was halfway through his shower that he heard Michelle's
door and the faint sounds of her moving about the room outside. Not long after
that until her noises moved to the kitchen and he could tell she was starting
on breakfast.
Eggsy had minutes more to dwell on his conflicted feelings. He didn't want to
spend the day with his mother; it was too soon, he still felt hurt, and besides
that he felt bitter. Often Michelle only made time for him when something was
wrong, never just because she wanted to enjoy his company. That feeling of
tension was now associated with every time they had a social day together.
Eggsy always spent the time on edge, waiting for the problem to be revealed. In
this instance, he didn't have to wonder; he knew he was the problem.
The boy dried off and dressed quickly, then exited the bathroom as quietly as
he could.
He made it back to his room without incident. When she was busy, it was easy to
avoid her. Eggsy had a knack for moving at just the right moment. In his short
time in the hall, however, he caught the scent of something warming up on the
stove. Possibly some kind of instant porridge. It smelled nice, but not nearly
as nice as Harry's pasta had been. Michelle would certainly think Eggsy was
starving by now unless she suspected he'd eaten late with his friends the
evening prior.
Eggsy flopped down atop his bed, burying his face in his pillow. All he could
think about was escape, but he was smart enough to know that would only make
things worse. If he tried to avoid his agreement with Michelle, she might go to
more extreme measures or get suspicious and go through his room again. Or start
to monitor him more closely. Eggsy didn't want to lose his privacy any more, or
his ability to go out to be with friends, whether old or new. If he pushed
things too much, Michelle might enter his room and find out he'd taken to
crawling out the back window.
Once he couldn't avoid things any longer, he ran his fingers through his hair
and stepped back out into the hallway. He'd pulled on his hoodie again for
warmth and a sense of security, and his phone weighed heavily in the front
pocket. Or at least it felt that way.
He found Michelle in the kitchen, sitting at the table with a cup of coffee and
the telly on in the living room, watching from a distance. Her head turned up
the moment she saw him and she notably brightened, even if his posture was
dour.
"Good morning. Breakfast's almost ready." She rose to check on the stove and,
sure enough, turned off the burners and got the sugar out of the cupboard
before dishing up two bowls. "You sleep ok?"
"Yeah, I guess so," Eggsy lied. He slid into a seat at the table and watched
her bustle around the kitchen. The only upsides at the moment were that
Michelle wasn't antagonistic, and Dean wasn't there. Eggsy thought he could
handle Michelle's attempts at apology with just her, but Dean would have sent
him scurrying for any excuse to get out of the flat. "Did you?"
Michelle set a bowl in front of him and Eggsy promptly reached for the sugar
bowl, liberally sprinkling the porridge to offset the blandness.
She shrugged with one shoulder as she sat down opposite him and tucked into her
own bowl. "S'pose so. Don't think I'll ever appreciate them sending trains by
at one in the morning though, especially on a Sunday." Michelle poured some
sugar for herself and for a few minutes there was only silence between them.
"Don't know if you had anything in mind for today. I know you wanted to see
your friends later. We could go for a walk, maybe? Or we could just stay in,
watch a movie?"
"Um..." Eggsy thought quickly. He didn't really want to stay in the house, and
if he voted for a movie, he could avoid unpleasant conversations... but
Michelle would spend the entire time looking at him, and probably wouldn't
leave him alone later. If he picked a walk, they could get out of the house,
but his mother would want to talk and there'd be no excuse not to do so. The
boy picked at his oatmeal with the edge of his spoon. "Movie's fine, I guess."
"Okay. You can pick. I think Dean left a couple here the last time he was over,
or we can run down to the store and rent one if you want." Her smile was a
little more optimistic that time. At the very least, her manner didn't seem
like she wanted to bring up the topic of their fight yesterday. Or the fight at
all, for that matter. So far, as was often the case when she was trying to make
something right, Michelle seemed determined to move on and lighten the mood.
Eggsy went over to the telly set and VCR. A stack of cases had been left on the
floor and telly stand. Eggsy began sorting through them slowly when one caught
his eye and he paused.
Two agents in sharp black suits stared back from the cover, their eyes hidden
by black sunglasses. Eggsy had seen the movie once before, but he'd liked the
humor and action in Men in Black when he'd first seen in. A story about secret
agents also brought back other memories of a night spent watching an action
flick in comfort, but Michelle didn't need to know that. "How about this one?"
Michelle craned her neck to see from the kitchen, but she didn't look
disappointed when she saw the cover. "Okay sure, I don't think I ever did see
that." Michelle, as many mothers were, was generally willing to watch whatever
her son picked out or his friends brought over. She cleaned up the table while
Eggsy put in the movie and rewound it to the beginning. It was finished by the
time she shut the shades and joined him with a blanket on the couch.
Eggsy wasn't comfortable sitting too close, both because of their recent fight
and because it made him self-conscious. Boys weren't supposed to be too
affectionate with their parents, or cry, and he'd done enough of the latter in
the past few days that he felt more childish than he wanted to be. Eggsy wanted
Michelle to take him seriously and treat him more like an adult, which wasn't
going to happen if she kept seeing things that made her think of him like a
kid.
The opening scene started, and Eggsy scooted down into a better position. After
a bit he started to relax; Michelle wasn't looking at him or bothering him, and
the movie was quite good. The boy could almost imagine what it would be like if
something like this would happen to him - stumbling on a secret part of the
world and being impressive enough to get recruited, to have an amazing life
that no one would ever suspect. The gadgets were almost as good as the ones
from the Bond film he'd seen.
That was the scene Harry found when an hour later he woke, showered, and sat
down in his office with a steaming mug of coffee--Eggsy and his mother sitting
at opposite ends of the sofa, absorbed in the telly. It left plenty of time for
him to go about his morning, settle his own affairs, catch up on work, and plan
out the day ahead.
It didn't take more than a short review of the footage between Eggsy and
Michelle that morning for Harry to suspect the boy would like to get out of
there. If he'd been at all worried that Michelle might have won her son over in
the time he'd been away from Harry, that fear was thoroughly negated.
Eggsy and his mother broke for an early lunch once the movie was finished.
Smiles had reappeared on both of their faces, but things were still strained.
Michelle got out a pot for canned soup and began to stick slices of bread in
the toaster to go on the side. Eggsy watched, now with confirmation that meals
were going to be a bit cheaper and smaller for a while.
"I'll be right back, mum," the boy finally called out. He retreated to the
bathroom. The quiet was starting to set off his nerves again. He relieved
himself and washed his face, then turned to stare out the little bathroom
window. The overcast sky made the buildings across the tracks look subdued and
grey.
It was a moment Harry caught, re-entering his office after dressing for the
day. It was a moment that brought him up short, one that drew him back to the
monitors to watch while he worked.
Soon he would have Eggsy again and Harry could wipe away that look from the
boy's face. Harry could replace it with so much more, and he longed to do so
the more he watched Eggsy stare, face expressionless. Impenetrable but for the
prior insight Harry had into his thoughts.
 
Eggsy finally tore himself away and went back to the kitchen to rejoin
Michelle. The soup was nearly ready by then, and plates with two slices of
toast apiece had been set by either chair. Eggsy watched his mother pour the
soup out into two bowls and carefully carry them to the table. "You alright if
I take off this afternoon, mum? I just wanna get outside a bit. Maybe go down
to Paddington or Regent's Park, if my mates feel up to it."
"That's fine." Michelle settled across from her son and dipped a piece of toast
into her bowl. "If you want, you can invite them back here later. I don't think
I'll be doing much tonight and Ted and Nate aren't far. Just have them let
their parents know if you do. And give them my number if they don't have it."
Michelle's friends didn't include the mothers of Eggsy's friends. With the
phone she made him carry, she usually didn't worry about collecting numbers
from the people he hung out with. Which turned out to be a wise decision as
Eggsy often moved from one house to another fairly quickly and keeping track of
him would have been impossible.
"'kay," Eggsy agreed, quickly stuffing his mouth full of toast. He already had
a plan for what he wanted to do, and he wasn't too worried about getting
caught. Michelle had never checked up on him before when he went next door.
She'd always just assumed, either that Eggsy and his friends were staying there
or that they were going where he told her they were. If he never showed up at
Ted and Nate's flats, Michelle wouldn't know. "Not a problem."
Eggsy cleaned his bowl and emptied the side plate of toast. He was courteous
enough to put his dishes in the sink, but shortly after that he was running
back into his room. He tossed a few things into his backpack, just enough to
make it look like he was going on an outing with his peers. He smiled as
Michelle once he emerged and started heading towards the door. "I'll be back
later, ok?"
"Okay. Give me a call if you're out past 8, and remember school tomorrow!" she
called before he could shut the door behind him and sat there for a moment
after Eggsy left the flat. Harry could see tiredness sink into her frame as he
watched. She pushed her hair back from her forehead and just looked over the
living room, not unlike her son had looked out the window earlier. She got up
though and put her own dishes away.
Harry's attention turned to the CCTV feeds outside the flat. None had a good
vantage point to see the middle of the estate where Eggsy and Michelle lived,
but Harry would be able to see from the street at either end if Eggsy walked
that far.
Eggsy walked as if he was just going to his friends' flats down at the end,
waiting until he was out of sight from his flat's window to change direction.
He ran down the stairwell instead, making his way past the complex's garden
strip and out to the boundary road. He walked quickly from then on, wanting to
get away but not draw attention to himself. His cell phone was already out of
his front pocket and in his hand.
Harry caught sight of him as soon as he got closer to the road. So came a pulse
of satisfaction along with Eggsy's appearance. Harry hadn't misjudged. He set
down his pen, folded his hands before him and waited. Taking in the boy's quick
step and upbeat posture was a delight compared to the way Eggsy had looked
earlier that morning. It was almost infectious.
Eggsy got down to Abbey Road again and paused on the corner. He leaned up
against the wall, contemplating his phone. The desire to see Harry again
clashed with the worry that he would seem desperate and annoying. After several
minutes, desire won out, and Eggsy dialed the selection that would connect him
with Harry's phone.
Right on cue the phone inside Harry's office came to life. Harry sat back in
his chair and grinned at the screen. He waited five seconds, precisely two
rings, before he picked up. "Yes, hello, is this Eggsy?" Harry put enough
fondness in his tone for the boy to hear it. Eggsy's little figure on his
screen stopped and even though Harry couldn't make out his face, he didn't need
to.
"Yeah! Um... Hi, Harry." After his initial enthusiasm, Eggsy's voice turned
slightly shy. Harry's name fell heavily from the boy's tongue. "I'm not...
interrupting or anything, am I? I mean, you told me to call you later, so I am,
I just don't know how busy you are, y'know?"
Eggsy knew practically nothing about the tailor business, including whether
such things were open on weekends. He would have guessed that Harry didn't have
to work on Sundays, particularly given where he lived and how well off he
seemed to be, but you never knew. "Are... you busy, right now?"
"No, not busy at all. In fact I was hoping you'd call soon because if you'll
also remember, I'd still be happy to get you out of the flat today if you're
still up for it." Harry knew that was bold, but that was what he could be now
that he'd gained Eggsy's trust. "And I'd still like to hear how things went
with your mother." Harry silently switched the phone to his mobile.
"Yeah, that'd be great, actually." Relief was in Eggsy's voice, enough that
Harry smiled. The boy huffed out a breath. "I'm outside right now, 'cause I
couldn't take it being inside anymore. Things aren't better yet. My mum said
she wouldn't tell her boyfriend about stuff, but she still... thinks I'm too
young, that I'm stupid and don't really know and that I'll change my mind
later... about things."
"Ah, I see." Harry sighed. "Well. Either way, that's still up to you I think.
Would you like me to come pick you up? Have you already eaten?" Harry knew how
warm his tone was. Knew because he could feel it just as much as he could
measure it objectively. It was like a mission in which he didn't have to act, a
new, exciting prospect in which the outcome was entirely personal. He rarely
had problems with motivation in his work, but this was on another level
completely.
"Yeah. I just had lunch, but I wanna get out of here. I told my mum I was going
to go hang out with my mates. She never checks up on me, so she won't know
which mates, and it's not really a lie," Eggsy explained, just a touch of
mischief entering his voice. Now that he was away from the flat, he felt
better. Clever, and wanted, because he could hear that Harry really did want to
see him. He wasn't just a burden to be tolerated. "Are we going back to your
place again?"
"Hm, we can. But I thought I might take you around the city, see a bit of art,
a bit of culture. Places you might not normally get to see." Harry let the
sentence hang there. Eggsy had quite clearly told him yesterday there were
things he didn't believe he'd be able to do, contacts he would never be able to
make within the boundaries in which he lived now, and Harry had spent some time
thinking about that. The solution was quite simple, really. And again, aligned
neatly in his favour.
"Really?" Eggsy straightened up from where he'd been leaning against a nearby
wall. Cars and pedestrians were regularly passing by, but nobody seemed to
think it unusual to see a boy so young wandering around by himself. "Like
where? Mum took me to the London zoo once, and a couple of museums on a free
day, but I don't really remember which ones. It's hard with her working all the
time."
"I was thinking more along the lines of...people watching, you might say. You
mentioned something the other day that stayed with me, and I would like to,
perhaps, impress upon you a better sense of optimism about what your future
might hold. So, no zoo. No libraries. Well, I might have one bookstore in mind,
but you'll see when we get there. That is, if you would be up for a day out?"
Harry kept his eyes on the screen, watching the little figure of the boy as his
steps slowed, phone pressed tight to his ear and focused on Harry's words.
"Am I ever!" Eggsy rocked back on his heels. His grin was so wide, Harry could
see it even through the terrible grainy footage of the nearby CCTV camera.
"That sounds great. I dunno how interesting people are, but I'm sure it'll be
fun if you think it's a good idea. I can't be out too late, 'cause mum will
worry and I have school tomorrow, but it's pretty early yet. What kinda
bookstore are you thinking about?"
"One I think you might enjoy," Harry laughed. "And no worries. I know you have
school tomorrow and probably homework to catch up on beforehand. I would,
however, be more than happy to keep you for dinner." Eggsy still couldn't
contain his excitement. Harry could see it radiating through him in the way he
all but danced in place on the street, rocking from foot to foot as pedestrians
passed. "Where can I pick you up now?"
"The corner of Abbey Road and Boundary Road. The Abbey Medical Centre's just
across the street." Harry could see Eggsy looking up and down the street, even
though it would be impossible for Harry to be there so quickly and the boy knew
that. "I'll be fine for homework, I just have to make sure I'm back before my
mum gets mad. I don't really want to make stuff worse right now. Dinner...
sounds good, though." After a couple of meals with Harry and facing a
restricted diet at home, Eggsy was eager to take whatever he could get.
"Very good then. I'll be there in twenty and I'll have my mobile with me, same
number." They said their goodbyes and Harry grabbed his jacket, locked down the
computer, and pocketed his phone after shooting off a quick text to Merlin.
After only a moment's more thought, Harry plucked his glasses off the table as
well. As wonderful as it was to bask in his memories of Eggsy when the boy had
been in his home, Harry would like to have footage of it as well. He didn't
want to miss a single thing.
With that, he took one last look in the mirror, grabbed his keys, and was out
the door.
Eggsy wasn't nervous about waiting out on the streets. The neighborhood was
familiar enough that he felt comfortable. What concerned him more was that
someone might recognize him and wonder why he was out by himself - someone like
his mother's friend at the coffeeshop. The last thing he needed was for his
mother to be told that her son was out alone on the street, without any of his
friends, and that he'd lied to get away from spending more time in her company.
Trying to be a bit less conspicuous, Eggsy dug around in his backpack, then
pulled out the book his class was reading. He had a bit to wait, and having a
book in front of his face might keep someone from recognizing him. Adults
tended to assume that kids just waiting around were up to no good, while kids
that were doing something were just fine.
Harry found him like that exactly twenty minutes later, nearly inconspicuous
but for his age and the garish colour of his hoodie. Except that the latter
truly did blend in with the area.
Pulling slowly up to the kerb between cars, Harry saw the exact moment Eggsy
recognized him. The boy's head lifted and a light caught in his eye that made
Harry's breath catch and his chest expand nonetheless. Their eyes met and Harry
unlocked the car, beckoning Eggsy over with nothing more than a smile.
Eggsy didn't bother trying to hide his enthusiasm. He lowered the book he'd had
out and dashed over, pulling the door open and sliding inside. He was in such a
hurry that he hadn't paused to take his backpack off before getting in, which
left him shuffling awkwardly to get out of the straps before he buckled his
seatbelt. "Thanks for coming to get me," the boy murmured. Harry's smile was
making him self-conscious again of all the differences between them. Eggsy
found it hard to believe that someone like Harry was willing to spend time with
him and help him when nobody had ever really taken notice of him before.
It only made Harry smile wider. "Not a problem."
Eggsy finally got the backpack seated on the floor in front of him and Harry
pulled away from the kerb, taking them back southbound. "I thought we might
take a walk down Savile Row," Harry began. "There's a hatters shop and a
handful of good spots for menswear. We could even stop by the tailor shop,"
Harry added with a particularly mischievous glance, "I'm sure you've been
through Piccadilly Circus, but it's a wonderful place to visit nonetheless. And
there are at least three theatres I can think of within walking distance."
Eggsy lit up. He didn't know anything about menswear, or hats, or any of it,
but the idea of seeing Harry's shop and going to a theatre afterwards sent a
warm feeling through the boy. "Your shop's there? Could we go there? That all
sounds kinda... posh, too." Which wasn't a bad thing entirely. Harry was posh,
after all, but Eggsy could just imagine stepping through a doorway only to have
someone coldly tell him that he needed to leave. Posh places also seemed like
they would be extremely boring, but Eggsy didn't think Harry would suggest
somewhere that he didn't think he'd enjoy.
"It is, quite," Harry conceded. "But I think you'll like it all the same." He
didn't look at Eggsy then, but the smile he let cross his mouth was downright
lascivious. "We'll take a break from all that once we're back on the street.
And the book store I have in mind is most definitely not posh, but still well
within easy travel distance. All in all, I think we have quite an afternoon
ahead of us." When Harry did finally take his eyes off traffic, he found Eggsy
staring at him and seemingly unable to look away.
Eggsy shrunk down on himself a little bit, true. He was still at an age when
self-confidence was fragile, and the way that he'd been raised had only put
some fragile cracks in that armor. Eggsy knew that Harry was, according to
societal conventions, supposed to be worlds away from him, but the very fact
that Harry was friendly and warm instead of cold and disdainful had made him
open up and expose a bit of vulnerability. Eggsy was also completely unaware of
how much he revealed, how much he wore his emotions on his sleeve. He blushed,
but he didn't avert his eyes. "Nothin' wrong with posh, really. I just don't
want them to make a fuss when I'm there."
"Nonsense," Harry scoffed, "They've had fair warning I might be dropping by
with a guest. You will be more than welcome there." Harry's smile softened when
he glanced at Eggsy again. The boy had the most apprehensive look on his face,
all shrunk in on himself in the seat with upturned eyes. It was beyond
adorable. Harry would gladly introduce his right hook to anyone who said
otherwise.
The drive down to Savile Road didn't take long, even with a fair bit of
traffic, and soon Harry was pulling the car up to another kerb and placing
another permit on the mirror. Fashionable pedestrians milled up and down the
street in small groups, often with shopping bags in hand and.
"Here we are," Harry announced before he unlocked the doors.
Eggsy's eyes only grew wider. This was leagues away from any place his mother
had taken him before, or his friends. The pedestrians around them were
perfectly coiffed, wearing tailored designer clothing, walking on shoes that
may well have exceeded his mother's budget for the month, if not for the year.
Harry fit in immediately once he exited the car, but Eggsy stuck out like a
sore thumb.
The clash only made the boy edge closer to Harry. He stuck by the older man's
side, trying to look everywhere at once. A number of tailor shops lined the
strip, but Eggsy couldn't guess which one was Harry's.
"The hatter's is a few streets down, and there's a lovely little bakery on the
end there we could go for a treat, but I think we'll stop by Kingsman first."
Harry put his hand to the boy's shoulder and welcomed their closeness, using it
to guide Eggsy along with him as they walked down the street. The crowd was not
so thick as to be bothersome--it rarely was and Harry found that to be a
blessing--but it was a busy enough time of the day to give Eggsy plenty to look
at. Men in suits as fine or nearly as Harry's passed them with ladies in sharp
cut dresses, coiffed hair, and not a care in the world.
Harry brought the boy to a little white bricked shop with a dark yet warmly lit
front window, embellished with gold lettering proclaiming itself "Kingsman"
before a neat little row of fine menswear inside.
Eggsy was completely flustered, both from Harry's hand on his shoulder and the
sight of the men outside. Not all were much to look at - clothing could only do
so much, after all - but some had been so finely tailored that they might as
well have been models in Michelle's old magazines. It took a second for Eggsy
to turn away from the street behind them and take a look at the shop they'd
just walked into.
Rich wood paneling lined the walls, accompanied by tasteful hunter green
wallpaper on the upper half. Everywhere Eggsy looked, there were rich fabrics -
cut and displayed on model forms, neatly arranged on carved wooden tables, in
squares within leather-bound swatch books. The glassy eyes of stuffed deer and
the arrogant gazes of historical figures in gilded photographs gazed at him
wherever he turned, illuminated by electric lights set into sconces and golden
chandeliers. Even the rugs set atop the polished hardwood were rich, colorful,
and likely so expensive that he shouldn't tread on them.
An older gentleman who stood bent over a clerk's desk in the back looked up and
took in Harry with a certain amount of respect. "Ah, Mr. Hart. Can't stay away
on your day off?"
Harry smiled good naturedly. "No need Dagonet. Out on pleasure today, not
business. And certainly glad to be so." Harry gave Eggsy a pat on the shoulder
as the boy looked around, not quite daring to move away from Harry's side.
"Eggsy, allow me to introduce Mr. Dagonet, who without fail oversees business
in the shop day in and day out. Dagonet, may I introduce Eggsy Unwin, whom I've
promised a short tour this afternoon."
The man's brows rose as he took in Eggsy, but it was not an unpleasant look
that crossed his features, merely one of mild bemusement. He came around the
desk to greet them properly. "Very good to meet you."
Eggsy took Dagonet' hand automatically, giving it a shake while he glanced
around in disbelief. "This is your shop?" he practically squeaked. He wasn't
sure what he'd expected Harry's business to look like. He didn't know much
about these things, but he knew enough to know that Saville Row was the deep
end of the pool. "Um. Sorry, Mr. Dagonet. It's good to meet you too. Have you
known Harry for awhile?"
"Oh yes, years it's been now." The man smiled politely. "Shall I escort you on
a short tour?"
"No no, I won't keep you; I'm more than happy to show Eggsy around myself,"
Harry broke in.
"Very well then, sir. Although I feel I must warn you, James has notified me
he'll be stopping by with one of his lady friends soon. I expect them in about
an hour."
"Another one?" Harry rolled his eyes at that. "Thank you Dagonet. We'll be out
of your hair well before then." And then Harry put his hand to Eggsy's shoulder
again while Dagonet nodded politely and went back to his desk.
The warmth and pressure on the boy's shoulder turned his attention back to
Harry. Eggsy glanced up. Harry didn't miss the way his eyes caught - on the
taper of his lapel and the collar that framed his neck and face, or on the
glint of a cufflink as Harry raised his hand to push his glasses up. "You
really run all this? What do you do when you're here, design stuff?"
They reached a portion of the room where the tables were closer together, and
Eggsy had to draw even closer to Harry's side to avoid running into one that
was stacked high with cloth. The boy radiated heat; Harry could feel it, and
the outline of Eggsy's body, even through the side of his trousers, if only for
a moment.
It gave Harry an idea. "Yes, and meet with customers. Each piece we make is
commissioned exactly to the wearer's specifications, down to every detail. No
matter the request, whether traditional or outlandish. For example," Harry led
Eggsy to a row of smoking jackets and blazers, next to another set of fully
suited mannequins. He reached up to one in dark navy blue with very subtle pin
striping. "With your hair and your complexion, I believe a deep blue would suit
you well. And with a lighter tie to match your eyes." Harry pulled open a
drawer beside the display pieces and found a light blue tie, which he proceeded
to drape over Eggsy's neck, atop his hoodie and everything, to look at the boy.
"What? Ties?" Eggsy craned his neck to look at the pieces Harry was holding up
against him or setting atop his shoulder. He was intimidated, both by the fact
that he was so profoundly out of his element and because of the way Harry was
looking at him: calculatingly, piercingly, before he drew closer and all Eggsy
could see was his hands and the intent look on Harry's face.
It shouldn't have been titillating. Eggsy could feel his heart pounding away,
and his head was growing light. Harry caught his chin with one hand and,
inexplicably, Eggsy thought for one heart-stopping moment that the older man
was going to kiss him, but all he did was tilt Eggsy's head so that he could
see how well the fabric matched with his complexion.
Harry warmed at the sudden flush in Eggsy's cheeks. He could feel just as well
as see the way the boy's breath caught and it brought a smile to his lips.
"Very nice," Harry said softly before pulling away again and setting the tie
back in its drawer. With a hand upon Eggsy's shoulder again, Harry steered him
to the row of velvet jackets. "Or if you'd prefer a relaxing night in, might I
suggest something in dark burgundy. With a warm light and a jacket light this,
you'd give me a run for my money at home." And Harry could easily picture it,
Eggsy at his dining table, or relaxing in Harry's sitting room as they'd done
once before, clad in Kingsman finery and soft to the touch everywhere Harry
might lay his hands.
"I've never worn somethin' this fancy in my life, much less when I just got a
night in." Eggsy glanced at one of the full bodied mirrors viewable through an
open dressing room doorway. He was struck by how different he looked with even
just the sleeve of a jacket held up against him, and at the way he and Harry
looked beside one another. Harry could very well have been mistaken for a
father figure, taking his son out to be fitted. Or something else entirely;
Eggsy remembered some of the articles he'd skimmed past in his mother's
magazines right before the photosets, gushing about the perks of finding a
wealthy, older man who took pleasure in pampering their younger partner.
Eggsy suddenly couldn't look at Harry. The tips of his ears were red and he was
sharply aware of just how close they were, how much Harry was touching him...
and that there were fewer ambiguities. Harry was gay, like him.
Harry went on as though he took no notice of Eggsy's colouring. While Dagonet
greeted customers, Harry took the boy around the store, picking out items that
suited the boy until Eggsy could look at him again simply because he couldn't
avoid it any longer.
Harry let himself smile as their eyes met in the mirror after he'd draped a
deep green silk around his neck, patterned with a subtle paisley design. Eggsy
looked especially good in dark, rich colours. Harry let the moment linger,
enjoying the way they looked together for a moment longer than was strictly
necessary before he gave a small laugh and lowered his voice to the boy's ear.
"You're indulging me." He turned his tone fond, self-deprecating, before he put
the fabric aside and took in Eggsy as he was.
"Izzat so?" Eggsy was off-balance, and his accent came off all the thicker for
it, nowhere close to Harry's cultured, rounded speech. Confusion filled the
boy's eyes, and a question. Eggsy didn't know whether he was imagining things
or not, and he couldn't ask. He couldn't even conceive that the suspicion in
his mind was correct. Harry couldn't be flirting with him. He couldn't be, and
asking about it would just ruin their friendship. The thought of losing what
they had was more than enough to still the boy's tongue.
"So long's you enjoy it. I'm not bored or anythin'. I just... where'd I even
wear something like this?" Eggsy laughed. His hands went to the strings of his
hood, fidgeting with the cords.
Harry laughed softly. "Oh you never know. I could certainly find an occasion or
two. The theatre, perhaps, or out to dinner." Eggsy still looked out of sorts
so Harry placed his hands on the boy's shoulders, grounding him. "A suit can
never make a man, however. It can dress him up, accentuate his best features
for the world to see, but it'll always be the man underneath that is truly
exemplary, no matter he happened to be wearing before he put it on. Remember
that." He gave the boy's shoulders a light squeeze before he let his hands fall
again. "That said, we'd best be on our way. Much more to see. And I'd very much
like to pop by the bakery before we're through."
Eggsy brightened up. That had been a very Harry thing to say, and one of the
many reasons the boy liked him so much: Harry wasn't condescending. Someone
else might have made fun of his clothes or his lack of knowledge, or laughed at
his confession that he had no place to wear such finery to, even if he could
afford it. Harry was the opposite of what Eggsy expected from the posh crowd.
He was warm and accepting, and he made it clear that he didn't think Eggsy was
to be valued any less simply for lacking a silver spoon. "That sounds great. I
bet a bakery shop 'round here has stuff I've never seen before."
"Indeed I imagine it might." Harry led the way back through the shop, giving a
polite wave to Dagonet as they left.
The chill air back out on the street wasn't so bad after being inside, and the
throng of pedestrians hadn't increased either. They walked amiably past equally
posh boutiques and Harry moved slow enough to let Eggsy linger on whatever he
liked as they went. It was, however, good to be out of the cold once they
reached the corner side bakery, and inside it was just as warm and inviting as
it looked. The aroma of freshly baked cakes and biscuits helped just as much.
There was only a short line of customers, and Harry took Eggsy up to the
display to have a look.
"I don't know what any of these are," Eggsy whispered. Behind the glass case,
pastries sat on plates in colorful, tempting displays, looking almost like the
spread of a jewelry counter. Brightly colored frosted cookies were piled
besides all kinds of tarts, pastry cones filled with cream, squares of fudge,
and miniature cakes fit for a single person. Cupcakes were interspersed with
pastry pops, scones, dessert bars, Danishes, donuts, and more savory rolls. At
least at the candy store, Eggsy could guess at what things tasted like or
convince the shopkeeper to let him have a little sample. Most of the nametags
inside the case were foreign terms Eggsy couldn't even pronounce. "Have you had
these before?"
"A few." Bending to see the display like that put Harry shoulder to shoulder
with the boy and for once gave them an equal height. "Those yellow ones in the
middle there have cream in the centre and they're to die for. I'm equally fond
of the little chocolate ones to the left, lots of mousse and caramel. You'll
find I've a weakness for cream of almost any kind," Harry admitted with a
pained expression. He glanced at Eggsy. "Pick out whatever you like, and I'll
see if I can find something I think you might like as well."
After a lot of looking and internal debating, Eggsy pointed to the chocolate
treats Harry had mentioned. With so many options and only one opportunity to
choose, Eggsy wanted to play it safe. It was a habit ingrained from his limited
pocket money, before he'd learned how to shoplift. When you didn't get treats
very often, disappointments were felt even more sharply.
The shopkeeper slid open the glass panel at the back of the case and took out
Eggsy's selection, chatting amiably with Harry. Eggsy looked, but the baker
didn't seem to think anything was amiss about the two of them; she was reading
them as, perhaps, father and son.
Harry selected the yellow ones with cream and cannoli for both of them.
Together with two mugs of tea, Harry paid at the register and brought their
plate of treats to a table beside the window with Eggsy trailing behind. They
settled in and Harry set everything between them. He sliced away half the cream
pastry and let out a little moan of appreciation, not entirely exaggerated. "Do
try that one, I have no idea what it's called to be honest, but it's
delicious."
Eggsy complied. Things ended up a mess; sliced in half as they had been, the
vanilla cream had begun oozing out. By the time Eggsy got his first bite, bits
of cream were all over his fingers and on his lips. The boy's eyes immediately
went distant with appreciation. "...oh. Oh. Yeah, you're right about that one.
Kinda reminds me of those long things at Tesco, but this is so much better."
Eggsy licked the remnants of the cream from his fingers before he grabbed the
knife and turned towards his own selection. Harry had cut his pastry in half to
share, so it seemed only right to do the same.
Harry laughed and couldn't help licking his lips in sympathy for Eggsy's
shining pink ones. They looked so soft. Harry could just imagine what they
would feel like. Pastries had been an excellent idea. He took a bite of the
half of chocolate Eggsy offered, balancing it precariously upon his spoon and
closing his eyes as the caramel and cream hit his tongue. Harry knew he was
putting on a bit of a show, but it was worth it. He was certainly getting one
in return whether Eggsy knew it or not.
"Mm, thank you." Harry put down the spoon and split the pieces of cannoli
between them.
The boy tilted his head to look at the broken cannoli. It was common enough,
but Eggsy's expression said he'd never seen the dish before. He reached forward
to grab his half, and Harry was treated again to a view of Eggsy's lips closing
around a longer pastry and the aftermath of dealing with the cream filling that
had spilled out. Sugar was perking Eggsy up in the same manner it tended to do
to all children, with an added bonus: the boy was starting to relax and worry
less about how out of place he felt.
Harry couldn't stop smiling. He picked up a piece of his own and managed to
bite into it a little more delicately, avoiding cream spillage out the end.
Harry also couldn't help watching Eggsy as he ate, and, much to his amusement,
found that Eggsy couldn't seem to stop watching him either. So Harry went
slowly, interspersing every bit with sips of tea. He even licked his lips, his
thumb, his forefinger, when he was finished and Eggsy's eyes lingered on him
all the while.
It was enough to stir a deep sense of arousal in his belly, one that, if not
contained, could become a very noticeable problem.
Eggsy was again hit with a strange sense and tried to dismiss it. He didn't
have any experience in what it was like to have an older friend who wasn't
family. Harry wouldn't be interested in skating, or skipping rocks down at one
of the park ponds, or any of the other stuff Eggsy normally did with mates
closer to his age. Harry was very different, and so it made sense that spending
time with him would be different, too.
Any notion that Harry was flirting with him just had to be Eggsy interpreting
things wrong, or so the boy told himself. He was just looking at things wrong,
thinking so much about what it relief it was to have a gay friend and all of
his problems that he was comparing things to... well, dates, like what other
kids at school had done. The idea that it might be wishful thinking left Eggsy
even more confused; it meant part of him found Harry attractive enough to want
it to be real. All that did, in turn, was prompt him to sneak more looks at the
older man, thinking back on the photographs in the magazines he'd lost.
Perhaps it was a crush, like the girls at school sometimes got on one of the
teachers. Nothing good would come from showing it, though, Eggsy was sure. The
girls at school were mercilessly teased whenever someone found out, and the
teacher in question always was awkward and cold with them after that. The
thought of hurting his friendship with Harry didn't bear thinking about, even
for the sake of being honest, and so Eggsy buried his nose in his tea cup and
tried his best to look at Harry whenever he thought the older man wouldn't
notice.
It wasn't long before there were only crumbs and bits of cream scraped away on
empty plates between them.
Harry sat back and drained the last of his tea. Eggsy didn't look like he could
get any more flustered, and that warmed Harry all the more. Eggsy was
desperately avoiding embarrassment, and it was...rather entertaining to watch,
if Harry was honest with himself. Exciting, too. Even if he had to hold back
now. He'd indulged himself with teasing closeness all afternoon so far, but now
Harry was going to have to reign it in a little, for their next destination
called for a certain modicum of...tact.
"Think you're ready to visit that bookstore?" Harry asked casually.
"Yeah." Practically buzzing with sugar, Eggsy smiled at Harry just a bit longer
than usual. "Thanks, for this. You were right on about the yellow ones. I'd
never have got to try them if it weren't for you." Realizing that he was
staring, Eggsy slid out of his chair and grabbed their dishes. He was used to
helping tidy after meals, and after a second he spotted the dish tub in the
corner and began carrying things over. He kept his face carefully turned away,
willing himself to stop being so bloody stupid.
Harry stood while Eggsy's back was turned and so when the boy turned again he
suddenly found Harry much closer, with a half grin on his face, reaching for
Eggsy's shoulder again.
Harry just couldn't help it. Feeling the delicate bone under his fingertips
felt like being grounded, knowing that the boy was indeed within reach. It was
fortunately a comfortable and common gesture, especially when Harry steered
them back out into the chill. With Eggsy in only his hoodie and Harry in his
suit and blazer, they were not exactly well protected against the elements
should it get any colder. Even if the shop was just about within walking
distance, Harry decided to take them back to his car and make the trip a little
more pleasant.
Eggsy relaxed as much as he could into the cradle of the leather seats, nervous
all over again. He didn't think Harry had noticed anything, but with the way
his thoughts had been turned, his pulse had spiked the moment Harry had
surprised him and guided him back out the door with a touch of his hand.
Hands much bigger than his. Hands that probably already had experience with-
Eggsy nearly groaned. He knew he shouldn't be thinking about this. Thinking was
only making things worse. The boy turned to one side, forcing himself to look
out the window at the people and shopfronts they were passing by. His awareness
shifted, and after a few minutes of driving, Eggsy squirmed and lifted himself
up to touch a hand to the seat underneath him.
"...the seats in your car heat up?" Eggsy's blush had returned, but it came
with relief; it hadn't been what he'd feared it might be.
Harry gave a short laugh. "Indeed they do. Quite comfy, wouldn't you say?"
Eggsy's blush deepened and Harry respectfully looked back out the window.
"That'll get even nicer come winter," Harry added, knowing the boy wouldn't
miss the implicit understanding that Harry expected Eggsy would still know him
then and still be riding around in his car.
The drive wasn't long at all. It felt like they were pulling up to another kerb
on the street almost as soon as they'd left the last, with this shop apparently
being only a few streets away. Harry caught sight of it across the street and
nodded to a blue fronted brownstone building. The sign above the shop proudly
read "Gay's the Word" in capital font.
Eggsy stared. He couldn't help it. "That's... they can just do that? And nobody
bothers them?" Some of the signs in the window were too small to be read across
the street, but bits could be made out from words that were in larger font.
From what Eggsy could tell, it was an exclusively gay bookstore. What he didn't
know was what that meant, or how it was even possible. "Will they even let me
in there?"
"They'll let you in. And yes, they have had their fair share of being bothered,
believe me. But once they managed to prove to the police that they haven't been
peddling pornography, they haven't been raided in years." Harry said it so
mildly that Eggsy turned to look at him until he broke his composure and gave
the boy a nudge in the side. "C'mon."
With renewed energy, Harry got out of the car and waited for Eggsy before he
led the boy across the street. The shop was actually quite small as anyone
could plainly see from the outside.
"This place has quite a history actually," Harry began as he opened the door to
usher the boy inside.
Eggsy stuck close to Harry once they were inside, wide-eyed and trying to look
everywhere at once. He'd never known that someplace like this existed, that
people like him could even publish books about such things. The shelves and
racks were full of titles, everything from what looked like romance stories and
children's books to serious non-fiction. The boy's eyes were sliding past some
of the titles when they caught on The Joy of Gay Sex and stuck there for a long
moment. Harry was a comforting, warm presense at his side; if he hadn't been
there, Eggsy wouldn't have been brave enough to stay.
"...do they have everything here?" Eggsy finally asked, looking at a shelf that
was labeled Coming Out & Relationships.
"Hm, they certainly have a lot." Harry gave a smile and a nod to the
shopkeeper, a middle aged, friendly looking man bent over set of papers, who
nodded and smiled back in return before he put his nose to the papers again.
"This store has been as much a hub for the community as it’s been an actual
bookshop," Harry continued. "Local groups keep newsletters here and I'd wager
they still hold meetings on a regular basis. Authors occasionally come in and
do readings of their work."
Harry moved slowly through the racks of books, letting Eggsy linger as he
skimmed through the titles, pausing when the boy found something that caught
his attention until he moved close to Harry's side again.
Harry bent a little and lowered his voice, "Ah, there's only one section in the
back I believe I'm not allowed to show you."
Eggsy immediately turned curious eyes on Harry. With what looked like sex
manuals scattered among the relationship books closer to the front, the boy
could only imagine what might be sectioned off away from him. Already his
fingers were itching to take some of the books home... but he couldn't. He
didn't have money, and he couldn't steal in front of Harry, and besides - it
was likely that his mother would be going back through his room again. Until he
found better hiding spots, having gay books was just asking for trouble. "Not
allowed?" he whispered back. "So there is porn?"
Harry laughed softly. "There is. Even though laws restricting such things
change constantly, the majority of the store is now considered serious literary
material." He straightened again and let his fingers brush along Eggsy's back,
a thoughtless gesture if anyone were to observe them, but, considering the
topic of conversation, one that Harry suspected might stick in Eggsy's mind for
some time to come. The man at the register looked like someone who'd seen all
sorts wander through these rows of books, and Harry and Eggsy were no more
worthy of suspicion than anyone else.
Eggsy considered this, and shivered as Harry's touch made the hairs on the back
of his neck stand on end. He wanted to see, but he also didn't want to push his
luck or get Harry into trouble. It didn't matter either way, because he
wouldn't be allowed to buy anything, and he'd bet money that such a section was
similar to what his mates had described on the store's they'd gone to for more
commonplace publications: everything sealed up in opaque plastic bags, so that
you couldn't really see anything unless you bought them.
"Do you come here a lot?" he asked. The boy searched for something interesting
he could pull off the shelf and browse despite Harry being right there, but
everything that he wanted to look at was too embarrassing to look at while the
older man looked on.
"Not really," Harry mused and began to thumb through material on his own,
noticing Eggsy's nervousness. He plucked a book off the shelf just to set an
example and show Eggsy he was welcome to look. "I rarely have the occasion, and
it's more enjoyable to bring someone along." Harry paused, sliding the book
back in the slot it had left behind. "I do, however, have a much smaller
collection at home. And I enjoy picking up more on occasion." Harry paused
while they meandered through another stack. "I know you're wary of your mother
going through your things now, but if there's anything you'd like to take home,
I would not object to you keeping it at my place."
Eggsy's hand paused in the middle of reaching towards a shelf. His head turned
and he found Harry looking back at him. "I'd... like to. I can't, though. I'm
too young for a job, and mum can't really give me money very often. Everything
here looks like it's at least ten quid." Or more, in some cases. Some of the
more tempting books, with glossy covers that promised to have some pictures
inside, had to be double the price. Eggsy wanted to look at everything, not
just limit himself to what adults around him might think was proper.
"Eggsy," Harry fixed the boy under a stern gaze. "I have more money than I know
what to do with and no one to lavish it upon. Indulge me." The boy's clear eyes
widened and Eggsy looked like he might have frozen on the spot, so Harry
relaxed. "Whatever the case, I might get something, and if you have any
suggestions, I'd be willing to take them into consideration." He smiled and
turned back to the case, perusing a list of poets by the names of Wilde, Pater,
and Douglas.
Eggsy had been about to ask if Harry was certain, but the way the older man had
turned away had sealed things. Harry was going to be adament about indulging
him, and so he had the green light to pick out what he wanted.
The question now was, what could he pick out that wouldn't prompt Harry's
disapproval? Eggsy wandered past a few books that described themselves as
guides to coming out, but that seemed a bit pointless to him; he didn't want to
tell his friends, or Dean, and his mother already knew. Some were dry history
books, but he wasn't really interested in all of that right now; he didn't want
to learn about how things used to be, he wanted to know about how everything
was for him right now. Every book he picked up seemed far too wordy.
At last he found one. Entitled Boys Like Us, it looked to at least be
interesting as a collection of stories about men who had realized they were gay
and gone on to live their lives. That sort of hope was something Eggsy needed
right now, to see that other people had experienced similar things and ended up
alright. As he wandered, the book he'd spotted when he'd walked in the door
stuck out at him again, but Eggsy had no idea whether he'd be allowed two
books, or one with such an explicit title. He wasn't a child, whatever his
mother thought. He knew a bit about sex already, just not how it was for people
like him.
All the while they browsed in silence, Harry kept a close eye on the boy. Eggsy
got bolder about looking for titles on his own, but Harry could see the way he
moved nervously from one shelf to the next, trying to look older than he was, a
little more mature, and probably like he'd thought about this a lot longer than
he had. It was heartening to see.
Harry did truly have an assortment of such books at home, or at least similar
books. Less lifestyle and more, well.... But coming here he knew would set a
certain precedent that Eggsy needed. This was the community. This was publicly
acceptable. And Eggsy would think on that later. He would think on that when it
came time to make harder decisions.
When Eggsy thought Harry wasn't paying attention, he snuck The Joy of Gay Sex
off of its shelf, beating a hasty retreat to a chair tucked away in a corner of
the store. He just wanted to take a quick peek, but seconds turned into
minutes. The book was explicit, but in a similar way that sex education books
turned out to be that were part of normal curriculum. This book, however,
covered what those books didn't: what was possible outside of heterosexual
reproductive intercourse. The men in the diagrams all seemed happy, and even
the text was upbeat and optimistic. Like this wasn't unusual and taboo at all,
just perfectly normal. Eggsy sunk into the text more than even the
illustrations.
It was only so long before Harry had to go and collect him. The shopkeeper
wouldn't ignore them forever. It wasn't difficult to see what Eggsy was doing
either, so Harry let his footfalls sound against the floorboards and drifted
casually closer before he stood over Eggsy's chair, his own selections neatly
folded under one arm.
"Find anything interesting?" Harry asked casually.
Eggsy's guilt was projected very plainly. He shut the book and shoved it onto a
nearby shelf, as if that would keep Harry from noticing and glancing at the
title written across the spine. "Yeah... I mean, most everything in here is.
Not stuff I've seen before, probably 'cause nobody wants to be seen selling
it?" The boy looked at the stack under Harry's arm. "Looks like you found some
stuff too. Anything good?"
"Just a bit of poetry." Harry smiled. "Sure you don't want to get that one,
too?" Satisfaction bubbled up in Harry's chest at the sudden blush on Eggsy's
cheeks. He didn't think it was possible for the boy to get quite that red, but
then again with his fair complexion, Harry shouldn't have been surprised. Still
he stood unfazed as though it were one of the most natural things in the world.
"...am I allowed to?" Eggsy knew it bordered on pornography, at least in most
people's minds. It was almost more explicit than his mother's magazines - most
of the more adult portions of the models' anatomy had been hidden by a
remaining shred of clothing or a strategically placed prop. What he'd been
reading not only showed explicit illustrations of the human body, but showed
and described acts in full.
"Oh pshaw," Harry scoffed, "I'll just put it in with mine. C'mon." He held out
his hand, gesturing for Eggsy to rise and grab the book. The boy could barely
look at Harry when he handed it over, but Harry didn't make a show of looking
at it. He simply tucked it under his arm with the other books and smiled down
at Eggsy again. "Ready then?"
Eggsy nodded, still painfully shy over being caught and how well Harry was
taking it. How well he was taking everything, in fact. Eggsy's weekend had
turned around all thanks to his friend. His mother still knew, which was
terrifying and too uncomfortable to describe, but he had support. Harry must
have liked him a lot to take so much time to listen, give advice, take him out
places, and take him into his home.
Just thinking about it gave Eggsy a warm feeling. He glanced up at Harry and
felt it turn into something deeper, something that left him with a fluttery
feeling in his stomach.
It was a crush. That had to be it, and Eggsy nearly moaned. That was why he was
seeing things that weren't there and why he kept acting so strange around his
older friend. He was going to ruin everything if Harry found out.
Eggsy's cheeks stayed reddened as he followed Harry back to the register,
stayed that way as Harry paid and exchanged thanks with the clerk, stayed that
way all the way back out onto the street and they were hit with a rush of cold
wind again.
Harry reached out and rubbed the boy's shoulder, pulling him closer for warmth
and reassurance as they walked, pretending not to notice all the while. He let
Eggsy go as they got to the car. "So," Harry began as he started the engine and
turned on the heat again. "Where to next? We could stop by the theatre, see if
there are any good shows coming up. There's a comic book store down the street
I believe. Or we could simply find a quiet spot to have a cup of tea, read,
watch the people go by...."
"Comics," Eggsy asserted, but softly. He glanced up, but Harry seemed to have
taken no offense. "If that's okay. I just watched a movie with my mum earlier,
and I don't really wanna... um, read in public. I don't want people to see."
Comic books were safe, and full of fantasy that he could get lost in. People
were unpredictable and nosy and more judgmental than Eggsy wished.
"Right. We'll leave these for later, then." Harry set their bag of purchases on
the floor behind his seat. One more stop and that would be more than enough for
the day. Eggsy had been out of his depth for hours now, and it wasn't hard to
guess that the boy might like some familiarity, something he felt more
confident in enjoying.
That did, however, put Harry out of place as they parked and walked through the
chiming double doors of their next stop, with posters of superheroes and
Japanese schoolgirls plastered across the windows and teenagers milling through
the aisles.
Eggsy, however, was right in his element. Aside from a few niche franchises,
most of the faces plastered on the walls and scattered through cases in
miniature plastic form were familiar. Eggsy likely only knew a few basics, as
he rarely had the money to purchase anything and the store didn't approve of
customers reading without buying, but this was something that the boy was very
comfortable with. Children and adults alike wandered the store, none as
formally dressed as Harry. Eggsy took off, and short as he was, Harry almost
immediately lost sight of him.
It put him at a bit of a disadvantage. Harry stood there in the centre of the
store, just observing the people milling about. Fortunately, he was well used
to being out of place. Harry stooped to pick up a title off the rack and skim
through its contents. His posture remained easy and even though the material
was not really his taste, he got the gist of the story before he put it down
and moved on.
Idly, Harry wondered what kinds of titles Eggsy enjoyed. Probably the usual he
might expect from a boy who hadn't yet entered puberty. If he'd read any
regularly, they would have been borrowed from his friends. Very likely the
group of them shared games and reading material that wasn't too expensive.
Harry had surmised that was how Eggsy received some of his early sports
magazines in the first place.
Scanning the aisles, Harry eventually spotted a familiar head of hair. Eggsy
was leaning against one stand packed with sorted, boxed comics up top, the
shelves underneath offering compilation books of the same series. The boy had
one of the graphic novel books open, and the figure plastered across the cover
was common enough in popular culture that even Harry recognized it: Spiderman.
So absorbed was Eggsy that he didn't notice Harry's approach until the older
man was within arm's reach. When he finally did glance up and recognize him,
the smile he gave Harry was so softly joyful that Harry felt a pang of longing.
"They finally put a new one out. I've never seen this one before. They only do
these awhile after everyone's bought the comics that go into 'em."
"Oh?" Harry reached over the boy's shoulder to pick up another copy, brushing
arm to arm in a moment of near blissful contact. "This series has been running
for so long, how could anyone possibly keep up? That's got to be thirty years
of backstory at least." Harry pushed up his glasses and put his nose in the
book, pretending not to notice how closely they stood together. So close he
could feel how warm Eggsy was. He could flip through it slowly enough to
appreciate the moment.
"They change stuff all around and restart every once in a while, though. So it
ends up being okay." Eggsy rocked back and forth on his feet, oblivious to how
much closer it brought him to Harry in fragments of seconds. Their particular
aisle was deserted except for one customer at the far end, and narrow enough
that it wasn't an unusual sight for people to be close to one another. "I've
never minded. It's just too good. Other superheroes are, like, gods, or super
rich, or amazing scientists or stuff, but Peter's just... normal. Kinda. He's
only got his aunt, and he doesn't have a lot of money and has to do normal
things besides saving people."
Harry hummed at that. "Sounds like an interesting read." Relatable enough to be
welcoming, different enough to be exciting. "Where would you think is a good
place to start?" Reluctantly, Harry moved away from Eggsy to look down the rest
of the box, walking his fingers through the issues one by one. He'd introduced
Eggsy to his world earlier that day. It was only fair that Harry give the boy a
chance to do the same in return. Eggsy would look back on this day and Harry
wanted him to remember this moment as well as he remembered the way Harry stood
behind him in the shop and held silk ties to his throat.
The boy perked up, thrilled that his friend was interested and wanted his
advice. Eggsy was actually bold enough to catch Harry's sleeve and tug him down
to look at the graphic novels down below. Crouched on the floor together, Eggsy
began pointing to the volumes he'd read before, either in the store or from
borrowing them from friends, listing off their good and bad points. He was
fonder of some than of others, and all it took was for Harry to pull one of
those books off the shelf to prompt Eggsy to scoot closer so they could page
through the artwork together.
No one interrupted them. None of the clerks glanced their way in annoyance--the
inherent shield of an expensive suit.
Eventually, Harry picked out a couple from Eggsy's recommendations, ones that
the boy had read before and liked but didn't own, and slid the newest issue--
the one Eggsy coveted--onto the pile. He smiled crookedly at the boy. "This
makes me feel like we need a whole lot of sweets to truly get the full
experience." He could all but see the boy's eyes light up, and indeed they did
grow a fraction larger as Eggsy stared at Harry. It was a good look on the boy.
Especially with his mouth open just that little bit.
"I've not had the full experience, I guess," Eggsy admitted. When every pound
counted, even one quid seemed like an extravagance. Candy was easy enough to
shoplift, but not always something he wanted enough to risk it. "Not with
sweets, anyways. Comics are best read at night, though. One of these books, and
some blankets and a flashlight? Yeah."
Eggsy's expression shifted, turning nostalgic. Evening childhood fantasies, no
doubt, and quite different from the sort he'd begun to engage in more recently.
"Oh is that how it's done, then?" Harry arched a brow and nudged Eggsy in the
shoulder. "Well if you start building blanket forts in the living room, I'll
know what's going on." That brought a light shade of pink to Eggsy's cheeks
even though little did the boy know how Harry would have liked to encourage
time spent under the blankets with Eggsy.
Harry found himself imagining just that as he packed up the issues they'd
picked out and climbed to his feet, needlessly helping the boy up as well.
Eggsy beamed. Harry had lightened up what had started out as a disastrous day,
and bought him several things on top of it. He felt safe, liked, and cared for
in a way that he couldn't remember from before. "Yeah. We'll have to do that
sometime. 'S the only way to read comics, really. We can build a fort, you can
provide the tea or soda or whatever, and I'll catch you up on the series with
as much as I know. Not knowin' your comics is a tragedy."
Harry laughed and walked them to the front of the shop where they did indeed
find several shelves of candy. He had Eggsy pick out a few for after dinner
only, he stressed, and after they paid at the register, they were once again on
their way.
The afternoon had descended into evening by then, and strolling along the walk
with the sun on its way down, already hidden behind a grey sky, over the city
streets painted such an iconic picture of London. Harry fished out Eggsy's
comics and sweets and handed them over to the boy, hanging onto his own. Side
by side and hands full they walked back to the car.
"Well Eggsy," Harry began once they were settled in with the heat turned on and
all their purchases packed away on the back seat or the boy's lap. "We have
some time still before it's late. I wonder if you'd like to come back for
supper?" It was pretty clear Eggsy wouldn't be able to take most of these books
home with him. Even if he tried to hide them from Michelle, it was a risk.
"Yeah. I mean, I know we had a snack at that tea shop and all, but..." Eggsy
was hungry. His stomach growled a moment later and enforced the matter. He was
growing, and just starting to his the phase where he was a bottomless pit bent
on raiding the pantry. Eggsy popped one of the candies into his mouth, sucking
on the hard shell while he looked at Harry. "I don't wanna go home yet, and my
homework's not so bad. I'll be fine for Monday. If you want me to come over,
that is?"
"My dear boy, I would be delighted." Harry gave him an honest smile and pulled
away from the kerb. Even if he technically wasn't supposed to know the exact
hour Eggsy had to be back, Harry could work within that time limit all the
same. The trip back was a little farther with traffic congestion, but still
nowhere near as long as it would have taken Eggsy normally. Having a town car
was indeed a luxury.
They wound up back at the increasingly familiar doorstep of Harry's house with
armfuls of books. Inside it was just as welcoming and warm as it was the last
time Eggsy had been there.
"Why don't you settle in, open up some of those books if you'd like?" Harry
suggested. "Dinner won't be ready for a while. Chicken and rice sound good to
you?"
"Yeah, that's fine." Eggsy smiled and dashed off to the living room couch with
his treasures. Harry set his own down on an end table and moved towards the
kitchen, but not without glancing at the boy and where he'd settled in.
Predictably, Eggsy had grabbed the more taboo of the purchases; Harry couldn't
see much from that distance, but he could see enough to recognize that Eggsy
had reopened the sex education manual. "Do you have any spicy sauce, or
anything? Chicken and rice is better with a little kick to it. Do you even like
curry?"
"Spicy, huh? We could certainly turn this into a curry." Harry checked through
his cupboards just to make sure he had the ingredients and was pleased to find
that he did. He was fortunate to have kept his kitchen well stocked. With that,
Harry set to work dicing vegetables and starting the rice. As soon as the
chicken was in the frying pan and he had a moment to wipe his hands clean, he
glanced around the corner of the living room to see Eggsy with his nose buried
in his new book.
Harry watched like that for several minutes, unobserved. Eggsy turned a page.
His back was pressed to the arm of the sofa, feet up on the cushions and book
propped in his lap. Harry was treated to the most splendid view of the boy's
slender neck while his head was turned down like that, fine hairs at the top of
his catching a light shade of red in the overhead light and tempting Harry to
remember just how soft they'd been.
Eggsy was absorbed. From the look of the spine that was visible, the boy was
quite a few pages further in than when Harry had caught him at the bookstore.
Just the fact that Eggsy was willing to read such material openly in front of
Harry said much about the degree to which he trusted and felt safe around the
older man. Eggsy had gone from blushing and fearing rejection every few seconds
to letting Harry take him to a gay bookstore and letting Harry see him
educating himself on the subject. Explicitly.
Harry was nearly tempted into distraction when he caught a glimpse of the boy
licking his lips while he turned a page, but the scent of chicken persevered,
if only out of concern not to burn dinner. Harry let himself be drawn back to
the stove and turned the meat in the pan, his mind very firmly elsewhere.
He did his best not to hurry. Every few minutes he stepped around the corner to
observe Eggsy from afar before he checked on dinner again. Fortunately it was
expected the rice would take some time. And he wanted to give Eggsy time with
his books, too. The boy would have so little of it available to him, and Harry
wanted him to read what he could just as much as Eggsy did.
Roughly half an hour later, Harry left the food to simmer on the stove and
stepped into the living room, this time letting his footsteps sound. He leaned
against the wall for a moment as he considered Eggsy, but forced himself out of
it.
"Dinner's almost ready. Would you be so good as to fetch a bottle of wine for
us again?"
Eggsy started. His attention was yanked back out of the book to the figure
leaning against the far wall. "Uh... yeah, sure. What kind, though? I don't
know nothin' about wine, just that it's made from grapes and all."
Harry didn't answer right away, and Eggsy couldn't avert his eyes. The boy
tried to keep them trained on Harry's face, but they wandered as his attention
did. Harry didn't miss any of it.
He let the corner of his mouth lift. And let Eggsy look. Having the boy's eyes
on him like that was like being bathed in feather light sensation. It stirred
the ever present desire in Harry's gut, and lower regions, igniting it back to
life.
"How about a Riesling this time?" Harry murmured. "A bit sweeter, but should
offset the spiciness of the curry favourably." Finally Eggsy's eyes lifted back
to his face and Harry didn't miss the way the boy took a shallow breath. Nor
how dark his eyes looked in reaction to perhaps more than just the low light of
the room. "Yellow bottle. Orange top." And with that, Harry let their eyes meet
before he turned back to the kitchen.
Eggsy was a few seconds late to follow. Even beyond the bubbling of dinner on
the stove, Harry could still hear the moment Eggsy eased himself off the couch
and began to move towards the kitchen. The boy hesitated in the doorway before
moving along the wall to the pantry where he now knew Harry kept his wines.
Harry had a split second to glance at him before he disappeared into the
darkness.
It might have been purely wishful thinking that Eggsy's trousers seemed a bit
tight, but Harry rather doubted it.
Minutes later, the boy resurfaced with a bottle in hand. He glanced at Harry
before scurrying out of the room to bring it to the dining room table.
Harry turned back to the stove, letting himself grin unseen while dishing the
chicken and vegetables and rice into large bowls before he brought them to the
table.
Eggsy was there waiting for him patiently. Or, perhaps just patiently enough.
He fidgeted where he stood with a hand on one chair and didn't seem to be able
to meet Harry's eyes.
"Come, help me with silverware." Harry clapped a hand upon Eggsy's shoulder and
brought the boy with him to the kitchen and back with plates and cutlery in
hand, admittedly just to feel close again.
They sat down across the table, but closer than they'd been since the car and
Harry was glad now that he did not have such a large table. Seeing Eggsy face
to face as he dished up their plates was a pleasure.
"So," Harry began, "Are you enjoying your book?"
"Um." Eggsy flushed again, and the embarrassed look on his face said it all.
"Yeah. There's a lot-... just a lot of stuff I didn't know. They don't really
talk about this kinda stuff in school, even with the older kids, but I've read
a couple of things in the library. They just weren't really helpful. A lot of
it was boring and not really anything I needed to know, because I was kinda
starting to figure things out."
Eggsy jabbed his fork into his bowl, but the mixture was still steaming and too
hot to eat quite yet. "Not that it matters. I don't got a boyfriend or nothin'.
I just don't know what I'm supposed to do about any of it. None of the blokes
at school think it's weird yet that I've not gone after girls, but they will
soon enough if they don't at least hear me sayin'... y'know. The usual
bollocks."
"Ah yes. But I imagine you'll find ways around that soon enough. You'll notice
plenty of kids far older than you don't date or at least don't talk about it in
school. You might have a time avoiding it with your friends at home though,"
Harry admitted as he mixed his rice and chicken together, daring a to take a
bite before it cooled and savouring the creamy spice upon his tongue. It tasted
as good as it smelled. "You don't think they'd be alright with it? Even as you
got older?"
"I dunno. I mean, I'd like them to be okay with it. I just don't know what they
really think about things." Eggsy poked at his own bowl, watching the steam
rising and not risking a bite quite yet. He licked his lips. "They've all had
girlfriends. I don't know if they know anyone... gay. Or what they think about
it, really. I don't have a lot of friends as it is, and they live right next to
me. They're the only way I get to go out and do stuff, or have some things.
Like, the other day, they brought me down to the skate park to meet some of
their mates. I'd never have been able to go if they hadn't helped spot me the
quid and taken me. I'd never had read even half the comics I like, or other
stuff, if they hadn't lent me theirs. I don't want them pissed off at me over
stuff I can't help."
"Hm. Perhaps it's best to wait for the right time, then. If it ever comes. That
doesn't mean you won't be able to share other things with them, though. Or lead
a relatively normal life. It's simply...more difficult when you're young."
Harry kept his tone light and even. He thought for a minute, letting Eggsy turn
that around in his head, before Harry went on. "You know, the American Black
Ops have a saying. ‘When they do right, no one ever knows they were there.' You
don't always have to be ashamed of keeping a secret. Sometimes, so long as
you're true to yourself, you can be proud of it."
Eggsy finally risked a bite of his spiced chicken and rice. His reaction was
just one more image to haunt Harry later, eyes closed for a moment as he hummed
with pleasure. "God, this's good." The boy shoveled a few more mouthfuls in and
swallowed before he spoke again. "I guess. It just feels like lying. Like they
don't really know me, because I'm hiding from them and can't talk to them about
stuff. I don't really like not having friends I can talk to straight up."
Harry considered that for another few bites. "Something tells me that you'll
have those friends, in time. Whether they're the ones you have currently or
not, well, that remains to be seen. Ah, shall I open this?" He turned to the
bottle of wine with a noticeably more cheerful note. Eggsy watched as Harry
unwrapped the bottle, slid his hands in a solid grip around the top, and
uncorked it with a pop. He poured a glass for himself and then one for the boy,
with only marginally less golden liquid. "There we are. I know I'm not really
supposed to be offering you alcohol, but I would consider it a tragedy you not
knowing your wines."
"I don't mind." Eggsy was, all in all, secretly thrilled. Alcohol was for
grown-ups, and with the way Harry talked with him and treated him, he felt like
he was being seen as a real person instead of a kid that nobody needed to take
seriously. "The one from last time was really good. What did you call this,
Ris-ling?"
Eggsy picked up his glass after a second, raised it, and took a sip. His
eyebrows rose in surprise again. "What's the difference between all these
wines, anyways? They've got a bunch of fancy names in French and stuff, but I
don't know what it actually means. I've seen a bit of the cooking shows on the
telly but I don't think they're really as complicated as some of the people on
the shows make it out to be."
"Ah yes, you've caught onto that early, then," Harry laughed as he took a sip
of his own. Sweet, not bubbly, a little less dry than the Prosecco. "They're
commonly named after places of origin, such as the Prosecco we had last time or
Champagne with which I'm sure you're already familiar. The name Riesling comes
from Riesling grapes, originally grown around the Rhine region of Germany. The
production process can vary greatly, but major differences can come from the
type of grapes used, or other fruit, even rice or barley. Generally wine has a
moderate alcohol content." Harry took another sip before digging into his
chicken again, eyes crinkling fondly as he watched Eggsy taste the Riesling
with concentration.
"People make wine out of rice?" Eggsy frowned as he thought about it, but after
a few seconds, he had to admit Harry had a point. Beer was made out of some
sort of grain, and rice was a grain, so it wasn't out of the question for it to
happen. It was just weird.
For a few minutes they ate in silence, just enjoying the food and each other's
company. Even with the starch and protein-heavy food to combat it, Eggsy was a
lightweight for alcohol, and Harry had given him more for this meal than he had
for the previous. Harry watched the tension drop away from the boy's shoulders
and and the way his movements became more fluid.
It was difficult, so difficult, not to imagine the things he could do to Eggsy
with just another glass. Merlin had been right. If Harry wanted to face the
consequences, he could do it. He could even do it with the boy willing at this
point, and that thought sent a hot pang of anticipation directly to the pit of
his stomach. He took another long sip of his glass. If he wanted to do this
right, however, the way he wanted it, he had to wait.
Still, there were other ways he could get close to the boy.
Harry replenished their glasses once more before the meal was finished, again
with Eggsy's just full enough for him to feel the buzz at his size without
becoming overwhelmed. By the time the boy set his fork aside, his cheeks were a
little pink and he had the most pleasant smile upon his face. Harry felt much
the same, if he were honest. He picked up their plates and put them in the
sink.
"I'd say we have a little time yet before your mother might expect you home,"
Harry announced. "Perhaps I'll take a look at the books we found today as
well."
"Just the ones you got? Or did you want to read Spiderman?" Eggsy was
completely relaxed at that point and, although not thinking about it in quite
so many concrete words, anxious to show Harry something for once. Harry had
talked to him, cooked for him, taken him places, and started to show him movies
he was fond of that Eggsy had never seen. It was only fair, being that they
were friends, for Eggsy to share a bit of his interests with the older man. "I
could explain anything that's not in the comic. I'm pretty sure I know enough.
Maybe it's too late to give them a proper read, though."
"Oh I don't know, we could still start. Why not?" Harry looked around the
living room with his hands on his hips before his eyes alighted on a few throw
pillows and a blanket tossed over a chair. "Aha. I do believe we'll even be
able to do this the proper way," he added with a grin as he retrieved the items
and went to the sofa. "Hm. Is it a proper fort if we keep the cushions on the
couch? Seems more comfortable that way," Harry asked while he unfolded the
blanket and tossed one side over the back of the sofa and let the other drape
over the edge of the seat.
Eggsy rolled his eyes. It was such a quintessentially childish expression that
Harry nearly laughed. "That's cheating, but I guess we can let it go this time.
I guess you're kinda tall for a table or a chair fort anyways." Harry waited
for him to continue, but Eggsy's own comment sidetracked the boy, who was now
staring at Harry's samesaid legs with the slightly unfocused fascination of the
inebriated.
Harry grinned. "Go and fetch our snacks and books then. I'll see if I can find
a torch...." He moved to a closet and idly ran his fingers through the back of
his hair as he searched. Knowing Eggsy was watching and having lost his jacket
some time ago, Harry stretched up to reach the top shelf, the lean line of his
body growing taut with the motion, stretching the buttons of his shirt against
his chest. "Aha!" he declared as he settled back down on his heels, torch in
hand. He walked back to the side of the couch and flipped back the blanket.
"So, do you think we should start from the most recent and work our way back?
Or the other way around?"
Eggsy blinked. It took the boy a good few seconds to process what Harry had
said. When his brain finally caught up, he flashed Harry a sheepish grin and
began to stumble towards the kitchen on awkward footing that had nothing to do
with alcohol and everything to do with being a pre-teen. "Other way around.
It's better to start, um, from the back. If we do the most recent one it'll
just be confusing."
With that, Eggsy vanished through the doorway to the kitchen. The books were
still in the den, where Eggsy had originally taken them, but the snacks had
been tucked away on one side of the countertop. The boy was short enough that
reaching too far back on the counter necessitated him to rise up on his tiptoes
while he stretched. He took longer than was strictly necessary to retrieve the
sweets and crisps packets nestled in a plastic bag; Eggsy needed a minute to
catch his breath and calm down.
Harry waited patiently for his return. The lights were still on, but kept as
soft as Harry usually kept them, they would in fact need the torch. He'd seated
himself on the sofa by the time Eggsy walked back into the living room, comic
books in one hand and bars of chocolate and gummies in the other. He looked,
unsurprisingly, a little nervous.
So Harry laughed and passed a hand over the back of his neck. "Now you're
really going to have to show me how to do this. I haven't made forts with
friends since I was a kid and as you've pointed out, I'm a little tall for it
now." But he'd left the setup pretty obvious. Even the pillows at one arm of
the couch to put their heads helped. All Eggsy needed to do was meet him
halfway.
"Ok, well..." Eggsy huffed out a breath, looking at what they had to work with.
He hadn't quite thought things through beforehand, and only just now was
remembering how close and enclosed blanket forts tended to be. Such a trait
didn't matter much when you were just with a bunch of mates, but contemplating
that reduced space with Harry was making Eggsy three kinds of flustered.
Eggsy grabbed a couple of chairs. "First thing, we gotta move the little table
out of the way. The blanket goes over the back of the couch and the tops of the
chairs, but they're turned in, see, so we can use the seats like a shelf... so
one of us has to hold the torch, and the other person will pass the sweets,
right?"
Harry grinned wide. "Alright." He stood and moved the coffee table since it was
rather heavy and Eggsy wouldn't have been able to do it on his own. The pair of
sitting chairs were also pretty heavy, and so Harry helped with those too. They
draped the blanket together, and when they were finished, it really did look
like a little tent over the sofa. "Ah," Harry pushed up his glasses. "Should
have probably left a door." So he undid one edge of the blanket just enough for
Eggsy to climb over the arm of a chair and onto the sofa first while Harry
crawled in behind him, laughing at himself all the while. "I think I'm more of
a fort-destroying monster than an inhabitant if I'm honest."
Eggsy laughed and flopped down on the couch, propping himself up on his elbows
and tucking one pillow underneath him. "Just so long as you fit, you'll be
fine. Don't forget the torch and the snacks before you fix it," he added,
accepting one of the books Harry passed to him. As it was, from the boy's
vantage point he got an eyeful watching Harry turn to deposit their supplies
onto the chair seats before he had to contort to fix the blanket canopy behind
himself.
"Shove over," Harry chuckled and nudged Eggsy in the side as he climbed over
the boy. In those two seconds he had Eggsy under him, Harry imagined what this
would be like for real. All he had to do was hover there, lower himself atop
the boy, press his lips to the soft skin of Eggsy's neck.... But Harry kept
moving until he was wedged on his side between Eggsy and the back of the couch,
their legs stretched out lengthwise. They both barely fit, but that wasn't
going to be particularly comfortable. "Alright, little more," Harry said and
worked an arm underneath Eggsy's back so he could lay down and the boy could
lie atop his shoulder. Eggsy was small enough that Harry still had both arms
free like that, and he turned on the torch, diffusing it a little by pointing
it to the side. With his arm bent and it resting on their stomachs, he was
practically hugging the boy. "That's better."
Eggsy's blush was exquisite, and so close. With as much reading as he'd done
earlier that day, Harry wasn't the only one who'd had divergent private
thoughts. Eggsy squirmed a bit to get comfortable and in embarrassment to the
rebellious way his body was reacting. He could only imagine how thoroughly
Harry would reject him if he learned about Eggsy's crush, and then he'd lose
the person who was fast becoming his mentor as well as a close friend. "Ok,
you... you got the torch. I can reach the snacks from here. You ready?"
Harry nodded as seriously as their positions would allow. "Ready."
Eggsy looked through their new collection and selection one from the pile,
propping it up on his stomach so they both could see while Harry lifted the
light so it wasn't blocked. Harry listened intently as Eggsy explained
necessary parts of the backstory and where this issue was diverging, but that
it would be relevant to future issues later, and before long, they were
reading. Well, Harry was reading. Eggsy insisted he was too shy, and so,
faithfully and rather than reading alone, Harry picked up the slack, imitating
both the narrator's voice and Peter Parker's internal dialogue in a decidedly
over the top style. He did find it consistent with the writing, however, and
occasionally Harry had to stop so they could catch their breaths from laughing.
"It sounds funny when you do it," Eggsy finally teased once he grew bold
enough. Rather than grow self-conscious at Harry's mock-affronted gasp, he
laughed. "It works for the narrator a bit, but Peter's a city kid. It's not
right, hearin' him talk all posh."
Eggsy cleared his throat and, risking one last glance at Harry, picked up
Peter's lines on the next panel. He wasn't quite as melodramatic as Harry had
been, but he no longer was as shy or self-conscious of his own accent. Eggsy
made it all the way to the end of the page without stumbling, reaching sideways
once he was done for a handful of the gummies stashed on the chair.
Harry caught the edge of the page with his free hand and took over holding it
along with the torch. He neglected to mention Peter Parker was also American.
Harry played the narrator back and forth with Eggsy while the boy popped
gummies into his mouth. It was...a bit distracting. Out of the corner of his
eye he could watch Eggsy's plump little lips suck the candies into his mouth
before the boy spoke up again.
Finally Harry nodded his head at the bag. "Give me one of those." He lifted his
side of the page and the torch to indicate he couldn't do it himself.
Eggsy turned to grab a handful, but when he turned back, a frown creased his
brow. He already had half the page, and Harry had the other and the torch. The
boy had been planning on dropping the candies into Harry's hand, but he didn't
have a free one. "How d'we want to do this? Can you hold it up enough that I
can grab the middle and keep it open?"
"Mm, probably," Harry admitted though that had not been what he'd hoped for.
Still, he lifted his side while Eggsy readjusted his grip to the middle and
Harry could let go. It was still a little awkward in that the arm that had been
wrapped around Eggsy was now the one that was free, and so when Harry plucked a
candy out of Eggsy's palm, he had to lean over the boy a little and cross his
arm over Eggsy's chest to put it in his mouth. It was delightful. Harry didn't
try to stop himself from laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, and that got
Eggsy giggling, too.
"You know one thing I've never understood? Why nobody figures out that they
should just... follow Peter around," Eggsy mused, laughing again as Harry snuck
another candy and the resulting arm movement pressed them closer together.
Close enough that Eggsy had to hope that he wasn't about to be mortally
embarrassed. "He keeps turning in all these amazing photographs, which doesn't
mean that he is Spiderman, but makes it pretty likely that he knows the person
who is. And shows up where he gets told to show up. So all someone has to do is
follow Peter until they find Spiderman."
"Very true," Harry agreed. "Although I suppose, as far as superhero disguises
go, he does have one of the better ones. He's the only one I can think of who
covers his face. Clark Kent and those glasses?" Harry raised an eyebrow above
his own, admittedly Kent-ish, glasses. "He could definitely use some gadgets
though...."
It wasn't long before they reached the end of the issue and Eggsy fished out
another. Harry could tell as the years progressed, so did the style, and
dialogue, but it was still far from natural and they shared more and more
giggling laughter as the reading progressed. They worked out a system of Harry
holding up one side of the issue when Eggsy's hand got tired, and Harry nudging
Eggsy when he wanted to switch.
All too soon, things had to come to an end. Eggsy had a curfew, after all, and
one he didn't really want to test. Michelle would watch him more closely and be
more reluctant to let him go off on his own if he pressed his luck too much,
and Eggsy had a gut feeling about what might happen if she found out about his
friendship with Harry. His mother already found his friendship with older boys
troubling, but acceptable. Someone as old as Harry, who was also someone she
knew and had bad memories about because of Harry's ties to his dad? Eggsy was
pretty certain she'd try to keep them from talking or seeing each other.
Eggsy wasn't willing to give this up. Not the talks, or the outings, or eating
together. Harry'd quickly become a very important person in his life, and Eggsy
didn't want this to be one more thing he and his mother fought over.
By the time they finished the second comic, the snacks were mostly eaten and
Eggsy's breath didn't smell of wine any longer. Harry had judged the timing
just right on that, because as he turned off the light and pulled down the
blanket fort and Eggsy climbed back to his feet, the boy didn't look pleasantly
dazed anymore.
Harry packed up what few candies they still had left and gave them to Eggsy to
hide. He could manage those few if he needed to explain them to Michelle.
"Are there any of these books you want to take home?" Harry asked as they
gathered their things together and Eggsy prepared to leave. "Anything you can
say you borrowed?"
"Prob'ly not. I mean, I'd like to, but they all look new. I don't think mum
would believe that I'd borrowed them. She might try to throw them out, too."
Eggsy sucked on his lower lip and thought. "I gotta... I'm gonna see if I can
figure out a new place to hide stuff in my room where she won't find it. If I
can get that figured out, maybe I'll borrow something next time. I think she's
embarrassed she went all crazy on me and thought I was a thief, but I don't
think she's gonna stop pokin' around in my room neither. Not after she got all
concerned I was lookin' at stuff she thinks is 'inappropriate'." Eggsy rolled
his eyes again.
Harry offered the boy a stiff smile. "Alright then. Next time."
They turned off the lights and left the house without much more preparation.
Eggsy hadn't brought anything besides his phone and hoodie, and Harry couldn't
send him away with anything either. The boy had school tomorrow and Harry was
set to go back into work which rarely held a definitive schedule, but he
anticipated seeing the boy again this week. Harry could call him now. They were
close enough and Eggsy was comfortable enough for that.
By the time Harry dropped the boy off at Rowley Way, it was still thirty
minutes to eight and Eggsy bore no signs of his evening over at Harry's besides
the sweets hidden in his pocket.
"Give me a call whenever you like or need to get out of the house," Harry
prompted. "And I'll see you soon."
Eggsy's smile was answer enough. It lit up the boy's eyes as he got out of the
car and gave one last wave. "Yeah, I will. And you can call me too, y'know. I
don't know how stressful tailoring is, so I probably won't understand nothing
about that, but..."
Eggsy shrugged. "I better get back, anyways. I got a bit more homework to
finish and mum's probably gonna grill me about what I've been doing. But I'll
see you soon." With that, the boy shut the car door and shoved his hands in his
pockets. He gave Harry one last wistful glance before turning and starting the
walk home.
Harry's drive back was...almost surreal in its calmness. He was going to see
Eggsy again. The lure of the cameras in the Unwin house beckoned him, but not
as strongly as before. Harry could still feel the weight of Eggsy's body
wrapped up in his arms, lying atop him, back to chest. He could still hear the
boy's giggling laughter and the soft sound of his voice imitating Peter. He
could still see the furtive glances Eggsy gave him as they laid like that,
caught up in the moment, but never forgetting who Harry was and how close they
were.
Harry watched the feeds that night with only a dull longing in his chest.
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Notes
     New art for this story! See end notes.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
The following morning saw Eggsy back in school and Harry back at work with
renewed energy. He prepared for the next big mission in Kolkata and worked with
Percival to tie up a few smaller jobs in the greater London area that didn't
need face to face contact.
Weeks passed and began to form a pattern. Sometimes it would be days before
Harry and Eggsy had the opportunity to speak again, and in those times Harry
was limited to the cameras of the Unwin household or reviewing his favorite
recordings. Inevitably, however, Eggsy would call - sometimes just to talk
about his day, and how things were at home, or whatever else he was thinking
about. Sometimes the boy would call Harry and want to get out of the flat,
although he didn't say as much at first. As the number of outings grew, so did
Eggsy's comfort and boldness. Eggsy began to feel safer in asking for what he
wanted.
It was several weeks before Harry received a call much later than usual. One
that he was expecting.
He'd had a long day at the manor and had just been settling in with a tumbler
of scotch, not yet having checked the feeds, when his phone rang. Harry
hesitated only briefly. Seeing the familiar number on the other end, he licked
his lips, set his drink down atop the polished desk, and picked it up.
"Hello?" Harry asked while he unlocked his computer and logged into the feeds.
"Harry." Eggsy's voice was hushed, barely above a whisper, but had an edge of
panic in it. "Y-you gotta come pick me up. Please. I d-don't wanna leave my mum
but-... Dean just started losing it, he hit her. I thought he was gonna hit me,
and I couldn't do nothin, so I just-... I just ran in here and locked the door,
but I don't think that'll keep him out if he's really pissed, and I don't know
what to do! I don't... I think I can hear mum crying on the other side, but I'm
too scared to get near the door."
Harry straightened. "Alright. Eggsy? Can you get out of the flat? Leave your
door locked, go out the window. I'll be there right away." He grabbed his
glasses, locked the computer, and headed down the stairs, keeping the phone
pressed to his ear all the while. He threw on his jacket and headed out the
door. "Don't worry about your mum, just get out of the flat and we can deal
with that when I get there."
"I..." Eggsy was panicking. Harry could hear it through the breathless tone of
his voice, all of the boy's recent boldness and confidence vanishing the moment
he saw his mother objected to physical abuse. His illusion of safety had just
been shattered. "Y-yeah. Yeah, ok, I can... I can do this. The window. I...
I'm... where should I go?"
"Not far. Just to the end of Rowley Way, where I usually pick you up should be
fine." Harry kept his tone calm as he started the engine and pulled out onto
the street. "Keep an eye out though. I'll let you know when I'm close." Harry
didn't want Dean figuring out Eggsy was gone and going out to search for the
boy, finding him alone at the end of the street.
"Okay. I gotta... I'm gonna put the phone in my pocket 'cause I gotta climb
down." Eggsy's voice cut off into a shifting of fabric. Distant sounds of night
traffic managed to filter in, quite the contrast to the eerie silence of
Eggsy's room. Harry heard sneakers hit gravel after a minute, and then Eggsy
was pulling his phone out again. "I don't think he knows I'm gone, but it'd be
real easy for him to bust the door and find out. What... what am I even gonna
do if he hurts her more?"
"I hate to say this Eggsy, but it sounds like it's time to call the police and
get him out of there. If your neighbours haven't already. Are they still
fighting?" Harry picked up speed as he travelled north. It wouldn't take him
long, not when he was driving like that, but every minute Eggsy had to wait
alone was another the boy might turn back and do something brash. Especially at
the thought of involving the authorities.
"I... I don't even know. The screaming stopped but-" Eggsy's voice choked off
into a quiet sob. "I didn't even do anything, I just ran away like a coward. He
could still be hittin' my mum or doing something worse, just makin' it so no
one hears, and I left her in there. All he had to do was yell and me and... he
raised his hand a bit, like he was gonna start hitting me to, and I left her!"
"Eggsy," Harry made his voice sharp as he turned the next corner, "believe me,
if you had tried to get between them, you'd have only made him angrier,
possibly made it worse. Just hang on, I'm almost there." Harry put the call on
mute, anticipating Eggsy's reaction, while opened a new line and dialled the
emergency number. In a carefully controlled tone, he reported a domestic
disturbance at Eggsy's flat on Rowley Way, advising the police that a woman
might have been injured and disconnected before they could ask for his name.
Harry knew his number would lead them to a dead end. It took less than ten
seconds before he silently switched back to Eggsy.
All that was on the other end of the line was ragged breathing. Harry could
still hear night sounds in the background, however, which meant that the boy
had heeded his response; Eggsy was still outside. The quiet went on for much
longer than Harry was used to hearing from the boy, but eventually, Eggsy began
to speak again. "...what happens if... he gets arrested and they take my mum
away? To a hospital or summat?"
"Then you'll call your mum, you'll leave a message on the answering machine
saying you went to a friend's house, and you'll come with me. She'll be okay,
and so will you." Harry heard a sniff on the other end and he could imagine
Eggsy hugging himself on the corner of the street, hearing the certainty and
logic, and feeling the command, in Harry's words, yet looking back at the
length of the estates just the same.
Harry turned onto the Rowley Way corner and slowed, catching sight of Eggsy in
the distance, not so dissimilar from the way he'd imagined the boy. He climbed
out of the car and pocketed his phone.
It was a testament to how shaken Eggsy was that he didn't immediately run over.
Wide eyes glanced up the walk towards the direction of his flat, as if paranoid
that he was being watched or Dean was coming to get him. Eggsy's first few
steps were slow, but picked up speed until he was rapidly closing the distance
and wrapping his arms around Harry. The tears that stained his cheeks
immediately created damp patches on Harry's shirt. "I... did you see the
police? Are they coming?"
"I don't know; I didn't see anything on the way here." Harry wrapped Eggsy in
his arms in return. Eggsy was cold to the touch even though the boy didn't seem
to notice, other worries foremost in his mind. He'd been waiting out in the
chill for at least fifteen minutes, and Harry tried to warm him.
It was then that they saw lights flashing in the distance, coming around the
opposite way Harry had entered the flats. He tightened his grip on Eggsy as the
police cars came into sight. There was no chance they'd be seen this far down
at the other end of the walk, but Harry didn't trust that Eggsy wouldn't go
running back to intercept them out of a foolish sense of loyalty.
Harry was right to worry. Eggsy began shaking as soon as his head turned in the
direction of the lights, full of nervous energy and wanting to be there. Harry
had reassured him, but he still felt immeasurably guilty for abandoning his
mother to whatever had been happening in the den and kitchen. Even Harry's
hands that were trying to rub some warmth back into his arms and back could
only distract him so much from his distress. "What if he's really hurt her, sh-
shouldn't I...? Be there?"
"We'd only be in the way right now. We'll know soon enough, and if it's bad you
can go to her. Right now we need to let the police take care of Dean and make
sure she's okay." They watched a pack of officers hurry down the walk and up
the flights of stairs to Eggsy's door. "Come on, let's get in the car where
it's warm. You'll still be able to see."
Harry led the boy back even though Eggsy couldn't take his eyes off the upper
floor in the distance.
A good number of minutes passed after the officers disappeared into the flat.
Eggsy couldn't relax, even with the heated seats and warmth of the car, or with
Harry squeezing his hand in reassurance. Finally, a broad-shouldered man
appeared in the doorway and began to be marched down the stairs, hands cuffed
behind him. A few officers followed him down the squad cars.
A few more minutes ticked by before two more officers appeared, flanking
Michelle Unwin on either side.
Her head was down, but she was walking on her own feet without trouble. Judging
by her posture and that of the officers, Harry surmised that they were taking
her in for minor treatment and a statement.
"She looks alright," Harry said quietly. "Now would be a good time to leave
that message for when she gets back. We can call into the station, too, so the
police aren't out looking for you."
Eggsy didn't answer right away. He stared at his mother off in the distance,
looking to be on the verge of tears again, but Harry was right: she looked, if
not fine, at least like she was going to be okay. Eggsy dug out his phone,
punching in the numbers for the phone inside the flat with numb fingers. The
police and Michelle didn't move back towards the flat - possibly they didn't
even hear the phone - and on the third ring, the answering machine picked up.
"Um... h-hi mum. I... I'm really sorry I didn't help, honest, but- ... I'm ok,
Dean didn't hit me. You don't need to worry about me, I'm freaked out but I'm
stayin' with a friend and I'm ok. You just... focus on feelin' better and I'll
give you a call back in a bit, alright? I'll talk to you soon. Love you."
Harry squeezed the boy's shoulder when he was done. "That was good, very good.
Now, let me see your phone and I'll call the station and let them know you're
okay. They'll be able to tell your mother as well I should think."
Eggsy handed Harry the phone with a sniff. Harry thought Eggsy looked a little
relieved not to have to be the one to talk to the police. After a quick search
through the Kingsman database on his own phone, Harry dialled the local station
on Eggsy's. It rang only once before an operator picked up.
"Yes, hello," Harry downplayed his accent a little. "I'm calling to leave a
message for Michelle Unwin, I think she's headed there. The police were over at
her flat just now. If you could let her or the officers involved know that her
son is safe and staying with a friend right now, I'd very much appreciate it.
You can call his mobile if you need to get in touch with him. Yes, this
number." Harry shot a small smile toward Eggsy. "Yes, very good. Thank you." He
ended the call and handed the phone back.
Eggsy stuck it in his hoodie pocket. He was no longer looking out the front
windshield, just staring at Harry with a lost expression on his youthful
features. "C-can... we go? To your house? I don't want to be here anymore. I
just, I want to go." Remaining near home would just remind Eggsy of everything
that had transpired. He needed comfort and security, but of a sort not tied
into the shock he'd just endured. That put the coffee shop down the street out
of the question, but not Harry's home. Not where he'd gone for comfort and
consolation before.
Harry nodded. "Of course."
They pulled away from the kerb and Harry took them back down to Kensington in
silence. Eggsy's gaze fell to the floor or the window, but he looked more
absorbed in the thoughts in his head than the scenery outside. Respectfully,
Harry left him to it. They arrived in front of Harry's home not long after.
Harry put his arm around the boy and let Eggsy lean into him as he unlocked the
door and stepped inside to find everything as he'd left it, lights still on,
takeaway still at the counter top.
Eggsy hadn't lost the dazed air around him, but his shoulders lowered a
fraction as soon as they were inside. The dimmed lighting was exactly the same.
The rich colors of the house were soothing, and after a second there was a
clicking of nails on hardwood and Mr. Pickle rounded the corner and raced
towards them both. Eggsy was already down on his knees by the time the dog
reached them, and the boy scooped him up into his arms. Mr. Pickle was
delighted for a bit of attention, and Eggsy was just happy to have something to
hold onto.
"Have you eaten already?" Harry asked and when Eggsy nodded, put the takeaway
containers in the refrigerator. "Let's settle in then, shall we? I expect we'll
be getting a call before the night is through." He put a hand to Eggsy's back
and led him into the living room.
This time when Harry sat down on the sofa, he didn't leave much room for Eggsy.
Instead, he pulled the boy, Mr. Pickle and all, down beside him so that Harry
could wrap an arm around him. He had crane his neck for a moment to avoid Mr.
Pickle's tongue before the dog settled down, but after that it was comfortable.
Eggsy was shivering, even with the warmth. It wasn't a matter of cold. Mr.
Pickle stayed relatively still and well behaved in the boy's arms, but none of
the boy's stroking was cheering him up, despite the hilarious way Mr. Pickle
arched into the scratches. Eggsy's eyes stayed downcast on the dog on his lap.
After a few minutes, the boy mumbled, coughed, and then tried speaking again.
"...don't s'pose you've got any ice cream? Maybe?"
"I think I might, actually." Harry ran his fingers gently through the boy's
hair before he reluctantly let Eggsy go. "We can put a film on if you like.
Something to keep your mind off everything for a while." Harry went into the
kitchen to fetch a pair of bowls and ice cream. It was very likely they'd be
interrupted by Michelle, and very likely she would be back home at the flat
before long. Hard to say where Dean would end up for the night, whether he
would be charged or she would intervene. Harry was ready to play that by ear,
but he would keep Eggsy as long as he could. Even if tomorrow was a school day.
Eggsy was still waiting on the sofa when Harry returned with two bowls in hand.
Mr. Pickle had to be persuaded to leave the boy's lap, but then Eggsy stood and
accepted his half of the ice cream. "Movie sounds good. Maybe... another Bond
movie? Somethin' with a lot of action." Something so fantastical and quick
moving that Eggsy wouldn't have time to think about his fears or what had
happened. "I don't care how late it goes. Don't wanna go to school tomorrow.
They can write me up if they want to. Gonna start the weekend early."
"Sounds good to me," Harry laughed softly, but went to the cabinet to find a
movie Eggsy would enjoy. Whether Eggsy's plans for the weekend panned out
depended greatly on Michelle, but Harry didn't feel like ruining the boy's
hopes either. Once the movie was started, he returned to the sofa and settled
in next to the boy. "You can stay here as long as you like, just so you know."
Harry laid a hand over Eggsy's knee before he reached for his bowl of ice
cream.
Eggsy went quiet. His attention was on Harry's hand, rather than on the telly
screen that was rolling the opening credits. "I've been... kinda thinkin' about
that, actually. Not like this, but... whether mum is going to get mad about us
being friends, 'cause of you knowing my dad and all. She's gonna ask me where I
went, and the police are prob'ly gonna ask our neighbors if I'm there. Or
she'll try to thank them, later, if I say I just went to my mates'."
Harry licked his lips and set down his bowl. He took his time and knew he
looked a little lost for words, but he turned down the volume on the telly and
gave Eggsy his attention. "I'm sorry to say it, but she will, definitely, be
upset if she sees me again. That is not to say, however, that we can avoid it
forever. I fully expect to have to face that someday." Harry gave the boy a
tired smile. "Eggsy, if you would feel more comfortable with her knowing sooner
rather than later, that's fine by me. However, we will have to deal with the
consequences when that happens. She might be rather spectacularly upset,
but...on the whole I don't think she can deny my intentions in befriending you
have been nothing but sincere."
"I'm just really scared she won't let us visit anymore. Or that she'll take my
phone away, if she thinks I've been calling you. I don't want that to happen."
Eggsy lifted another bite of ice cream to his mouth, but he didn't seem to
really be tasting it. Not like the previous evenings together when they'd
indulged in the treat. "I don't know what I could do, though. If she decides to
ground me and take the phone away. I think she'll figure out I've been climbing
out the window after tonight, and I just... I don't know."
Eggsy turned to look at Harry more directly, worry weighing heavily on him. "I
don't really want her upset, but I don't like lying to her either, and I don't
think it'll matter if I do. She's gonna wonder where I went, and when she finds
out, she's gonna want to know how long we've been friends, all of it."
"Well," Harry raised his brows and considered carefully. "We have two options
here. We tell her tonight where you were and how we met. Or we create an alibi.
One of your friends who's willing to say you spent the night with them and an
older sibling perhaps. We'll still have to tell your mother eventually, but she
might not have such a bad reaction when things have settled down. I fear I have
to leave this up to you, Eggsy. This is a decision only you can make, but
whatever you decide, I'll go along with it."
Eggsy squirmed. Neither option sounded comfortable. "I really don't want to
have to tell her at all. 's not her business to say who my friends are. I think
she'll be less mad, though, if I don't... lie to her, 'cause she'll find out
later and then she'll get extra mad. Like, she'll be mad either way, but maybe
she'll trust me more if I... tell her, instead of her finding out I tricked
her? 'Cause if she finds out I lied, she's gonna be going through my room even
more and wonderin' what else I've lied about, or wondering why I lied."
"Alright then." Harry nodded solemnly. He had hoped this would last just a
little bit longer, but they were well enough along now that it didn't
necessarily need to. Right now, more than anything, Eggsy had to trust and want
to keep Harry. Harry took the boy in his arms, knowing what the reassurance
would mean to Eggsy and not wanting to resist the chance to take it himself.
"When she gets home and I drop you off, I'll come up this time to tell her.
We'll have to...break the news somewhat gently, I think, but after tonight,
it'll all be out in the open."
Eggsy squirmed in Harry's grasp, but only to set his emptied bowl on the nearby
table. Once his hands were free, he returned the hug. More than that, he stayed
that way, settling against Harry's shoulder while they turned to watch the
movie. Things were still uncertain and scary for the boy, but he trusted Harry.
He trusted him to say the right things when they told Michelle about their
friendship, and trusted Harry with himself. Tension bled out of Eggsy the
longer he remained in Harry's arms.
That is, until his phone began ringing.
Harry sighed and reached to pause the movie. "That'll be your mum, I expect."
Eggsy had to right himself to pull the phone out of his pocket, and Harry
keenly felt the loss of such perfect contact.
Just as they'd expected, Michelle's voice sounded on the other end as soon as
Eggsy picked up the call.
"Eggsy, honey?" She sounded exhausted. Wrung out emotionally as well as
physically if Eggsy had to say. "I'm so sorry. They told me you were with a
friend. Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm ok. I'm not hurt or nothin'." The distress promptly returned to
Eggsy's voice, wrested out of him just by thinking about what had happened and
hearing his mother's voice. "I... I was just so scared, I went and hid in my
room, and got out as soon as I could, but I'm ok now. Are you? I mean... are
you ok? I know you got hit, but not how bad, I was in my room and didn't
see..."
"No I'm fine." Michelle took a breath, calming her own nerves. "Nothin' to
worry about. Checked out by the doctor and everything." Eggsy could tell she
was trying to make her tone lighter. "Look, I'll be home in a couple'a minutes.
They're giving me a ride back. You think you could meet me there, yeah? Dean's
not comin' back tonight. I'm not pressing charges, but he won't be comin' back
for a while." She probably meant for that to sound reassuring, confident, but
mostly she just sounded shaken.
"Ummm..." Eggsy turned to face Harry, looking more than a bit put on the spot.
He didn't want to leave, and even if they got in Harry's car right that minute,
it was going to take more than a handful of minutes to get back to Rowley Way.
"It'd take me more'n a few minutes, I didn't just go next door. Doesn't... he
have keys, though? Are you sure he's not comin' back? I... don't really ever
wanna see him again, not after he hit you like that. I thought he was gonna hit
me, too."
"He ain't coming back tonight. I promise, ok? An' we'll figure out keys an'
everything later. You'll be safe here. I don't want you imposing on your
friends, and...I'd just feel better if you were home, yeah? I'm just really
stressed out right now." She sighed. "Look, I've got to hang up now, but I want
you to get a ride back as soon as you can. I'll pay your friends for the drive
if they need it." Eggsy knew that was a bit of a stretch. She might scrounge
for a few notes, but considering that she and Dean had been arguing over
missing money again before he blew up, she had to be pretty desperate.
Eggsy paused, then slowly lowered the phone. Michelle had already hung up. She
was expecting him to come back as soon as he could, which meant that things
were now on Harry and himself.
"She wants me back home. Like, now." Eggsy shot Harry a panicked look. He'd
thought they'd have a bit more time. "What are we gonna do? She didn't even
promise Dean is gone. She just said 'not for a while'. Don't that mean he's
gonna come back sometime?"
Harry frowned. "That sounds like she's still unsure where things stand now."
When Eggsy didn't look any more relieved at that, Harry put his hand on the
boy's back. "It might mean the next time he's back will be when he drops of his
keys. Or it might mean she hasn't decided yet. You won't have to worry about
him tonight; he'll be spending the night with the Met I'm sure." Harry sighed.
"But no, I don't like the thought of you going back there to find he's returned
tomorrow or the day after either." Sorrow filled the small boy's face and Harry
didn't resist the urge to run his hand over the back of Eggsy's neck, massaging
through his feathery light hair. "Are you still sure you want to confront her
tonight?"
"I'd rather stay here, but it's gonna be worse if I don't go back, and she's
gonna wanna know." Eggsy drew closer again and buried his face against Harry's
chest. His voice, when it came, was muffled by his shirt. "And if I lie, it'll
be worse when we do tell her. I just... I wish I didn't have to go back. I want
to make sure she's ok, but I don't want to go home, and I don't want to go to
school."
Harry sighed and wrapped his arms loosely around the boy. "I would keep you
here if I could," he admitted, and meant it.
Eggsy was braver than he gave himself credit for. More determined, too. Most
children his age would have conceded to whatever Harry thought was best, but
Harry couldn't help appreciating that.
"Alright then." Harry gave a tired sigh after a minute passed with neither of
them willing to move. "If needs must. Off to battle we go." He offered the boy
a tight lipped smile when Eggsy looked up at him.
"Please say you won't leave. Even if my mum says I'm not supposed to talk to
you anymore." Eggsy cast Harry a worried look, overlooking his smile. "She's
told me not to be friends with people before, but I don't listen. I get to be
mates with who I want, and I want us to be mates. Even if she throws a fit
about it. Alright? Promise me?" The boy's hand caught on Harry's wrist.
Harry couldn't let himself smile, but how he wanted to. He met the boy's eyes
and took in the seriousness that lay beneath, Eggsy's absolute determination
that he would not let this go. Harry let it wash over him until he could speak
again. "I. Alright," Harry let out a short breath, finally offering Eggsy a
hint of the smile he truly wanted to give the boy. "You have my word."
Finally, the tension in the boy's frame relaxed a little. Harry pulled him into
a one armed hug.
"No matter how this goes, you won't lose me. You can call on me any time and
I'll answer, especially if you need me." Harry didn't want to let the boy go,
not when he felt this good against Harry's side, not when they'd been pressed
together moments before, but Eggsy's instincts were right--they had to do this.
Eggsy nodded. He didn't look thrilled about this either, but he knew his
mother; defiance in this case, hiding and lying, would only make things more
difficult later. Michelle was going to be angry now, but might soon get over
it. If she found out later, she'd be enraged, and she might forbid Eggsy from
talking to Harry again.
Not that that was going to stop the boy. Eggsy had already determined that he
was going to do whatever he wanted, regardless of what Michelle thought. But it
would make things so much more difficult to do so with Michelle watching him
like a hawk and stripping away his phone.
Harry finally stood, and Eggsy followed his lead back out to the car. There was
little left to be said. The movie would have to be finished another night, and
the movie wasn't what Eggsy was concerned about.
The drive back was silent. Only when they were parked in front of the estates
did Harry reach over and squeeze Eggsy's hand with a reassuring smile. One that
he knew didn't touch his eyes. Harry knew how this was going to go.
Still, he walked Eggsy up the darkened path, interspersed with lamps droning
with electricity, the only sound at this time of night. Harry knew the way
well, but he let Eggsy take a step ahead to lead. He kept a hand at the boy's
shoulder still, knowing Eggsy would appreciate it and enjoyed one last moment
to take pride in that.
Eggsy was nervous. Harry could see it in the set of his face, feel it in the
tension in his shoulders. Eggsy already knew this was going to go badly, just
not to what degree. One hand reached out to catch hold of Harry's jacket,
creasing it in the process. Harry didn't mind. It was just another sign that
Eggsy had come to trust and depend on him.
When they reached the door to the flat, it was locked. Eggsy ended up knocking,
not having a key to get in by himself.
They heard the patter of footsteps inside before Michelle opened the door, clad
in her pajamas and a dressing robe, her hair a mess falling about her
shoulders.
"Oh, Eggsy." Her face lit up with relief for a split second before she looked
up and saw Harry.
Michelle froze. Her mouth caught in the middle of forming a word that never
came. She stood stooped in the act of ushering her son inside.
Harry put one hand behind his back, the other still resting heavy on Eggsy's
shoulder, and offered her a tight smile. "Mrs. Unwin."
That at least broke her reverie. Her eyes moved from Harry to her son before
her mouth formed one word. "What?"
"Don't freak out, ok? He's a friend." Eggsy was wide eyed and imploring. "I
know you don't like him, 'cause of dad. He told me. Well, later. We didn't know
he knew dad when-... um." Eggsy fidgeted, finally crossing his arms since he
didn't know what to do with his hands. "We ran into each other by accident,
y'see. 'cause he knew another veteran in the area, and I caught his dog. But,
um... yeah. Just don't freak out, alright?"
Michelle's mouth fell open and finally her eyes narrowed at the two of them.
She looked like she was about to say something and that was enough of that,
Harry decided. "May I come in?"
"What is going on?" She found her voice again as some of the shock began to
wear off. She took hold of Eggsy's arm and pulled. "Eggsy, inside now. And you-
-Who the bloody fuckin' hell are you?"
"You'll remember I told you to call if you ever needed help," Harry cut in just
as quickly, raising his brows and fixing her a kind of openness that came from
years of practice. "Your son did it for you. Now Mrs. Unwin, may I come in?"
Michelle looked a little taken aback by that. The next accusation died on her
tongue and she stared at Harry, trying to reconcile how he could possibly be on
her doorstep again. Yet she did remember his offer that day, and it left her at
a loss for words. It was only after a very tense, very long moment of
consideration that Michelle drew back the door and Harry stepped inside.
Eggsy was already tense and resentful. He understood that his mother was upset,
and a bit about why - Harry was tied to his father's service and death, after
all - but he didn't feel any better about the fact that Michelle had
immediately demanded obedience and separated him from Harry like Harry was some
sort of danger. "Mum, look, it's okay." His friend moved to one side of the
den, and Eggsy felt caught between the two of them.
"Alright, Eggsy. Look," Michelle put a hand to her forehead, making no move to
sit, or to offer tea, or to send Eggsy to his room, or do anything else that
might indicate she was ready to have a conversation for that matter. "Can you
just tell me what's going on?"
"Certainly," Harry nodded. His genial approach was only marginally calming her,
but Harry had only that to rely on. "A few weeks ago, on the way to visit a
friend not far from here, I ran into your son. I didn't realize it at the time,
but found out not long after, that he was Lee's boy and...considering where we
left off the last time, I felt it was only fair that I introduced myself
properly. I reassured him that his father had been a brave man and reiterated
my offer of assistance should he ever need it, and here we are."
Michelle's brows only knit further as she stared at Harry. Suspicion plainly
warred with Harry's words across her features as she tried to see through him.
Harry dropped his head in deference to her judgement. "I know you don't know
me, but I considered Lee a friend, and after getting to know Eggsy a little, I
would consider him just as worthy of that friendship, so you must understand
why I came when he asked for help."
Finally, Michelle's mouth closed. She didn't look like she knew what to say to
that. Harry had taken her completely off guard. "Well...," Michelle began
slowly, "thank you for picking him up, and bringing him home. But...I think
that's enough. We're okay now, and I'm sure Eggsy won't need to call again."
"Mum." Eggsy sounded scandalized. He wilted briefly when she turned to give him
a look, but that lasted all of a few seconds. Hurt sparked in his eyes and
grew, filling the boy up and straightening his spine into a defiant line. "No.
You don't get to say who my mates are, or... I'm not a thing, ok? Don't...
don't talk for me and make decisions for me and tell me how it's gonna be,
'cause it ain't."
Eggsy wavered a little; he couldn't help but be affected by Michelle's opinions
and moods, but he didn't back down. "You don't like my mates, you don't like
the-... the stuff I like, how I am, it don't matter what I think of Dean or
anybody else... but what you think is all that matters. That's not fair."
"Eggsy!" Michelle looked nearly as startled as she did reproachful. She had
obviously not expected her son to have such a bad reaction, and, Harry thought,
would probably soon attribute it to their earlier fight. "I am not arguing with
you about this now. We can talk about your friends later and if you can't use
your indoor voice then you're going to your room." If anything, Eggsy looked
even more furious and Michelle still didn't understand what was going on, nor
would she when this whole thing was through.
Harry stood patiently by and waited for her attention again. It didn't take
long.
"Thank you, Mr. Hart, was it?" Michelle stood, seeing Eggsy even more upset,
and all Harry could do was give her a tight nod, "but you'll have to forgive
me; I really don't want to see you again. And I don't want you seeing Eggsy
again either."
"Mrs. Unwin, I mean no disrespect," Harry took a careful step forward, knowing
what was coming.
"Please. Just, go," Michelle cut in sharply, her whole body going tense. Too
much stress in one night. Too many bad memories on top of new ones.
Eggsy looked heartbroken, every inch the nine year old as his emotions and
insecurity overwhelmed his attempt at brave defiance. His eyes begged Harry not
to go, and he was already regretting his decision to tell Michelle. And to come
home, point in fact, but saying that wouldn't make his mother change her
attitude. He was afraid, like all children, of the power their parents'
wielded, able to dictate the majority of their lives without taking into
account how their children felt about anything. "I don't want him to go."
Michelle couldn't focus on Eggsy while Harry was still there in front of her,
and he couldn't for exactly the same reason. He let his eyes drift to the boy
for one brief moment, catching Eggsy's clear, watery ones before refocusing on
his mother.
Harry straightened and took a short breath before he fixed her with another
nod. "Very well then," he conceded. Harry offered her a small smile. He kept it
in check, not allowing it to widen just a bit farther than was appropriate, and
stepped back toward the door. "Eggsy," he nodded to the boy in farewell, and
then to his mother. "Michelle."
Eggsy watched Harry leave. He felt completely frozen in place, helpless to stop
it from happening, and soon enough Harry's figure disappeared as the door
closed behind him. Eggsy blinked, then turned hurt eyes on Michelle.
It hurt no less to see what had happened to his mother. One eye was purpled and
puffy, her lower lip was split, and circular bruises dotted one forearm as a
reminder of a particularly cruel grip. Eggsy felt a pang of concern and guilt,
but not enough to outweigh his own deep distress. "Why'd you do that? He's been
nothin' but nice and helpful to me, even 'fore he knew who I was."
"Eggsy..." Michelle crumbled. She sank into a chair at the kitchen table and
her voice held none of the hardness it had while Harry was in the room. "That
man told me your father died. Him and the people he worked for.... An' then he
comes here with you in tow, like everything's fine, like he's gonna...." She
grew more visibly upset as she spoke, like she was only sorting out her
feelings as they left her mouth. "...come an' save the day or some shit like
that." And now she looked teary as well. "Eggsy, that man wouldn't tell me a
damn thing about what happened to your father, an' I just...can't....deal with
the thought of him havin' anything to do with my family. Do you understand?"
"No. No, I don't understand." Eggsy refused to sit. He stood at a discreet
distance, ready to dash off to his room at any moment should the conversation
turn more painful. Right now, his mother was someone he barely recognized -
battered, angry, afraid, wearing old grudges on her sleeve. "He told me he
couldn't tell me neither, but it wasn't 'cause he was mean. It's
some...government secret thing. Like dad was some special agent or on a secret
mission or something. Y'don't even know that it's his fault dad died!"
Michelle looked like she'd been slapped. Her mouth hung open in silence. "And
that's supposed to mean I should want his help? That I don't know if my husband
died because of him? I don't want to have anything to do with him Eggsy, and I
wish Lee hadn't either." She put a hand over her face and breathed. Eggsy could
hear how close she was to tears again, her breath shuddering as she tried to
calm.
Eggsy lost his temper and his composure. He'd never wanted to yell at his
mother before, except that it was all so unfair. "His help ain't for you!
He's... he's helped a lot, with food and-... He gave me somewhere warm to wait
for you t'get back, instead of just waitin' out on the street! Told me it was
gonna be ok. For other thing's too. He didn't think there was nothin' wrong
with me."
All at once, Eggsy's guilt seemed stupid. His mother didn't care. She didn't
care what Harry was to him, she didn't care about his possessions, and she
didn't care about how he felt about Dean. "I shoulda stayed there," Eggsy said,
voice bitter. "Shoulda just said I didn't wanna go home." With that, Eggsy
turned on his heel and stomped off to his room.
Eggsy didn't see the look that crossed over Michelle's face. In his upset
state, he didn't realize that was exactly the wrong thing to say to her, nor
did he care. He didn't know whether she would wonder now just how often Eggsy
had talked to Harry, or what about. The only thing he heard was the door to her
bedroom slam shut moments behind his own and he knew that she would not come
out until morning.
Eggsy was reduced to crying himself to sleep, or some measure of it. A half-
formulated plan popped into his mind in his state of distress. He didn't want
to go to school the following day, or deal with his mother either. Not the
guilt, and not the accusations and discomfort.
He set his alarm for early in the morning. Early enough that he was able to get
up, pack a few pieces of food in his backpack, and sneak out of the flat before
Michelle was even up.
He left the flat in the gloom of early morning, chilled by the pre-dawn air and
wanting anything but a Friday at school and more confrontation with his mother.
===============================================================================
Far and across the English countryside, Harry watched from the monitor atop his
desk as the little figure of Eggsy Unwin turned the corner of Rowley Way. His
fingers stilled over the keyboard as his attention fixed on the boy before he
moved back to his assessment of a suspected Russian operative who'd taken up
residence under a false alias in the West End. Harry had reviewed Eggsy's fight
with Michelle the night prior, and he had to say that he was not at all
surprised to see the boy skipping school now. Not when he'd decided to do as
much even before he'd spoken to his mother. Harry waited and worked, but he
kept an electric eye following the boy all the same.
Pickpocketing someone without drawing suspicion was more difficult when Eggsy
was so young, but he managed it. While pretending to be taking public transport
to his school, clever fingers dipped inside strangers' pockets and produced a
few quid. Eggsy munched on a cheap granola bar from his backpack, counting his
money and looking at the map of the London underground. After a bit, he dug his
cell phone out of his pocket and rang Harry's number.
Harry stood and closed the door to his office before he picked up the call. Not
that he thought for a minute that it would stop Merlin, but a closed door in
the knights' hall was a well-respected signal to anyone passing. Harry found
the boy on one of the train car cameras before he finally lifted the phone to
his ear.
"Hello, Eggsy?"
"Hey, um. Harry? Are you at work?" Most people worked on Fridays but Eggsy
wasn't certain that Harry was like most people. Eggsy fidgeted, playing with
his hoodie strings and trying not to think too much about what he was doing. "I
just... can I stop by? I just weren't sure where you are, and I didn't want to
make a trip just to see everything's closed up and you ain't there."
"Escaped your mother's clutches after all, hm?" Harry chided softly. "Can you
make it to the shop? You sound like you're on the tube if I'm not mistaken.
I'll be there. I can step out and you can tell me how things went."
Harry saved his report and checked Eggsy's location before he messaged Merlin
that he would be out. He received a clipped response back that Harry was sure
he could hear in the man's irritated burr. Probably more irritated for being
interrupted than Harry leaving before their 2pm meeting.
"Yeah, kinda. I guess I'll tell you when I get there. And yeah, I'm on the
tube, so... I guess I'll see you in a bit, then?" Eggsy was about to say more,
but his service cut out. The boy frowned at his phone and the weak signal
indication on the display, shrugged, and got a ticket from his ill-gotten cash.
No one looked twice when he got on. School children weren't an unusual sight at
that time of the morning, even ones who were unaccompanied, and Eggsy had his
backpack on him. After counting the stops to the one he needed, he got off at
Piccadilly Circus and started his walk up out to the street.
Savile Row was barely a ten minute walk away, but much busier on a weekday
morning than it had been the time he and Harry visited. Eggsy spotted the shop
halfway down the street. Although the store front looked just as welcoming with
its soft lighting and fitted models on display, it was a little more
intimidating without Harry there by his side to part the crowds of determined
looking and well-dressed men and women on their way to work.
A couple went in ahead of him, chatting idly to one another and ignoring
Eggsy's presence entirely.
Eggsy swallowed and steeled himself. He didn't think Harry would berate him and
sent him back home, but... adults were funny like that. Harry might decide to
do something boring despite the fact that they were supposed to be friends,
even if he'd not done anything like that yet.
The pair that had entered the shop ahead of him didn't even look around when
Eggsy pushed through the door and a bell rang. Everything was just as he'd
remembered from the previous day, except for Harry's presence at his side.
Eggsy looked at the clerk currently helping the couple at the reception desk,
but the man had no attention for a small, ill-dressed boy.
All Eggsy could do was wait, however. He didn't see Harry and there was no one
else in the shop to help.
He was inspecting a row of silk ties on one of the nearby shelves, keeping
within eyesight of the clerk just in case the man didn't recognise him and
thought he was up to something, when a door to what must have been a back room
opened and Harry stepped through. Across the whole shop his gaze landed right
on Eggsy and Harry didn't pause longer than that before he went to the boy.
Harry was...as well dressed as Eggsy had ever seen him. In a dark, three piece
suit tapered around his waist and just light enough to flutter when he moved
and just heavy enough to keep its shape, Harry looked like something straight
out of a magazine. Glasses in place, hair perfectly arranged, golden cuff links
and tie bar polished and glinting off the indoor spotlights, Harry looked the
absolute professional.
Still, his face warmed visibly. "Eggsy. It's good to see you."
Eggsy took a second for his mind to catch up and render his tongue capable of
speech again. Much to his embarrassment, just having Harry walk towards him so
bedecked was enough for the boy's body to take interest and cause him to very
temporarily forget his troubles. "It's... um, it's good to see you too, Harry.
Sorry it's early and at work and all. I just..."
Suddenly aware of the clerk's presence, Eggsy's gaze went sideways towards
where Dagonet was helping the earlier couple. "Can we not talk here?"
Harry followed his gaze. "We can go somewhere else. I'm afraid we're going to
have a time of avoiding people at this hour though...perhaps the cafe down the
street. We should miss the morning rush."
Harry put his hand to the boy's shoulder and Eggsy still looked caught between
awe and his somewhat gloomy disposition. Dagonet took no notice of them as they
left the store.
"So I take it the situation didn't improve after I left last night?" Harry
asked as they walked. He wasn't inclined to wait and let the silence build any
more tension between them than necessary.
"No. Mum doesn't want me to see or talk to you again." Harry's hand left his
shoulder and Eggsy felt the loss. He glanced sideways, but he didn't dare try
to take his hand. "She said it so weird, too. Like, she wasn't asking me. She
was telling me what was gonna happen, and she didn't care what I thought about
it. Like, she gets upset thinking about you, so I'm not allowed to be friends
with you, but my feeling's about Dean don't matter."
Harry sighed. "To be honest, Eggsy, I'm not surprised. She might act
differently when she doesn't like the friends you've made in the neighbourhood,
kids your own age, ones she doesn't otherwise take issue with besides their
penchant for low riding trousers and sneaking smokes when their parents aren't
looking. She takes a very...personal issue with me, and I don't think that's
going to change." Their eyes caught for a second, and Eggsy didn't look at all
heartened at Harry's words.
They reached the shop, however, and Harry pulled back the door to let Eggsy in
ahead of him.
It was still too early for the rush to have really impacted the cafe. A few
people were in line for coffee, but plenty of empty seats graced the floor
space. Eggsy looked around, uncertain that they were supposed to continue the
conversation when strangers could overhear. Everything felt too personal for
that.
They waited in line, Eggsy standing close to Harry but not daring to touch, as
odd a contrast as they could make. When they reached the cashier, Eggsy ordered
a cinnamon roll and hot chocolate, and Harry dutifully paid for it along with
his own selection. A few minutes later they were seated in a nook that granted
a little more privacy. "That's stupid, though. You didn't decide to kill my
dad, or nothin', and it ain't your fault you can't say what happened."
Harry considered Eggsy over the lid of his coffee before he took a sip. "You're
very forgiving," he mused fondly. "You've also gotten to know me a little
better than she has. And under different circumstances. I may not have held a
gun to Lee's head, but Michelle holds me responsible all the same. She has no
one else to blame." Eggsy still didn't look convinced. "You were wary of me as
well, remember? Merely on account of being in the wrong neighbourhood, as it
were."
The door chimed and a group of customers left as new ones entered, their voices
murmuring in a pleasant din, just enough to obfuscate Harry and Eggsy's quiet
conversation.
"Yeah, well." Eggsy was suddenly on the defensive. It seemed silly, now, how
wary he'd been, but before he'd known Harry, he'd not known what to think or
expect. Just what people around him had said. "It seemed... weird, y'know? You
hear stuff, about posh blokes, and women too. Nobody cares about kids, least of
all kids like me. They say it, but they don't mean it, or things'd be
different."
Nobody came close enough to eavesdrop on them, but Eggsy took a moment to lick
whipped cream from the top of his cup and think. "I didn't think someone like
you could find someone like me interesting enough to wanna be friends, so I
just... didn't know what to think, other'n you might be dangerous."
"Ah." Harry raised a brow, but remained otherwise outwardly unaffected. "The
thing is, your mother feels much the same way only in a slightly more
complicated context. She doesn't know me, nor my history in the military, and I
can't tell her. All she knows is that a man far more privileged than she came
to deliver the news of her husband's death, and she greatly--and fairly, mind
you--resents that." Harry frowned over his cup before he set it down again. "I
can't blame her for that, Eggsy."
"But she shouldn't get to decide everything for me!" Eggsy understood a bit why
his mother might not like Harry, but not what made her decide to try to enforce
that dislike over his head. "Like, I dunno what's got into her lately, but it's
not fair. First she's throwing out my stuff because she doesn't like it and
don't think I should have it. Then she's... telling me she thinks I'm gonna
change, later, which really just means she don't like how I am and wants me to
be different. She's tried saying which friends she didn't like me havin',
before, but now she thinks she can just make me not talk to you or see you
again."
Harry hummed and pressed his lips tight together, a frown to hide a smile. He
took another sip of coffee as if deliberating. "I'd like to do my best to
respect her wishes in regards to herself. I won't attempt to contact her again.
However, as you pointed out, so long as you wish to continue this friendship, I
don't think I can respect her wishes regarding you. You've made it quite clear
you don't agree with her on that matter, and I think that's your choice to
make." Harry offered the boy a small smile. Eggsy's sheer focus gave him the
posture of an adult, leaning forward with his elbows on the table and making
himself look bigger, determined, confident, even though he was barely tall
enough.
"I don't know what I can do to stop her, though." Eggsy's mouth turned down at
the corners just thinking about it. Harry would have no problem not coming to
the flat, but that wasn't where the bulk of the problem was. "I mean, I can lie
about where I'm going and all that, but my mum's not stupid. I think she's
gonna figure out where I'm going. I think she knows about the window, too,
since I got out when Dean was going nuts but she didn't see me leave. I don't
think she's guessed about the phone, but I dunno."
Harry sighed heavily. "The simple truth of the matter, Eggsy, is that you can't
stop her. She will continue to feel this way and there is very little you or I
can do to change that. And yes, I think she will have discovered your little
escape route out the window, although since you don't receive a monthly bill
for that phone, I do not think she will become aware that you've increased your
minutes unless she overhears you using it." Harry rubbed at his temple and
looked into the boy's eyes. They were catching the dawning sunlight now,
refractions of green and blue on this rare, clear morning. "I'm not sure there
is a way to be above-board about it. I'd like to be. Unless you think she could
be swayed in time.... I'm just...not so sure about that."
"I thought she'd be ok after we explained things yesterday, but I don't know
now. She didn't even want to listen." Eggsy leaned against one palm. The motion
only drew more attention to his face and just how soft his skin looked.
Everything about the boy was expressive and open; he hadn't yet experienced the
betrayals and pain of life that caused adults to guard themselves with friends
as well as strangers. "I don't like lying to her, but I'm not gonna let her
just tell me I can't see or talk to you again. I don't care if she finds out
and grounds me."
Harry gave a small chuckle. "At least she can't ground me." He set his coffee
aside. "You may not be able to visit quite so often as before, but I think
we'll be alright for a time, so long as you continue seeing your other friends
as usual." Harry didn't plan on needing any longer than that to progress to the
next stage in their relationship, although Eggsy didn't know it. Harry had to
invoke just the right amount of dismay and just the right amount of optimism
for the boy to believe it, but soon this part would be over and Harry would be
glad of it. "You'll still be welcome in my home, however often that may be
possible."
"I'm gonna miss not coming over," Eggsy admitted. He stared down into his mug,
but answers weren't forthcoming from the remnants of his hot chocolate. "I'm
not even sure if I'm gonna get in trouble for today. I skipped school, and most
of the time the teachers don't really notice, but... Mum might guess I skived
off to come see you."
When Eggsy looked back up, worry still filled his eyes, but a hint of a smile
touched his mouth. "Worth it, though. Just as long as she don't take my phone
away, but I don't think she knows enough about that to do it."
Harry had the decency to look somewhat abashed. "Yes, well....unless you spoke
at greater length about our interactions last night, I'm not sure I detailed
our meeting well enough for her to realize you've actually been to my house. Or
how often we've been meeting, for that matter. She probably thinks it wasn't
more than a couple conversations on the estate grounds or some other place
nearby." It was very possible Michelle might ask Eggsy about it later, if he
started talking about Harry, trying to get her to come around by showing her
just how much Harry had done for him. But right now, Harry had to make the boy
understand that that was a bad idea.
Eggsy shook his head. "I didn't, but... I guess she might think I skipped with
mates to go do something. I just can't afford much, so she's gonna assume I
didn't go very far." Most of the boy's cinnamon roll was gone by that point;
Eggsy licked the tips of his fingers to pick up the remaining crumbs. "I guess
I could just tell her I walked to one of the parks to hang around. I don't
really want to tell her stuff if she's just gonna be mad about it and tell me
not to do it anymore."
"I can't fault you for that," Harry offered quietly. He paused, using the
moment to drain the last of his cup before turning back to Eggsy. "I wouldn't
normally advise you to disregard your mother's wishes and go out behind her
back, but...I do think you are in need of a friend. We flourish by the strength
of our community. And if that's not something you get from your peers, then I
am happy to be there for you." Harry gave the boy a little smile and a nudge
under the table. "Although I have to admit, I do simply enjoy your company as
well and I do not want that to end. Don't think me entirely selfless."
Eggsy flushed, immensely pleased at Harry's admission and the smile he'd
gotten. "Cheers. I dunno why, though. I mean, we've talked a bit about it
before, but we're really different. It's kinda nice, though? I don't know if
I'd have talked to you if you were dressed all fancy the first time we met, but
I'm glad I did." Signs of class differences, thankfully, no longer affected
Eggsy so long as it was with Harry. Frequent visits had slowly made the boy
more comfortable and less self-conscious. The boy no longer feared mockery and,
if the video feeds were anything to go by, Eggsy had begun acquiring a taste
for some of it. The careful theft and hiding of a GQ magazine, and the
subsequent bedtime fantasizing, were a good sign that things were progressing
as planned.
"Oh? Am I not up to your standards?" Harry teased and again nudged Eggsy under
the table. The boy couldn't stop smiling. Harry found he could get a positive
reaction out of Eggsy if he took the boy's compliments that way. "But in all
seriousness, Eggsy, I'm glad you did, too." It was a small moment of peace, one
Harry knew would precede a storm, but that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy it.
"What do you suppose you'll be up to for the rest of the day now?" Harry asked.
"Would you perhaps have any interest in seeing a play this afternoon? I have a
feeling I'll be called in to work this weekend, but I should be able to take
the rest of the day off without incident."
"Um..." Eggsy hesitated. Spending time with Harry was tempting, but he had no
idea what plays were like. The boy's imagination cooked up something
pretentious, full of people lounging in velvet seats and judging everything
through opera glasses. On the other hand, Harry never seemed to suggest
anything that Eggsy didn't end up liking. "Maybe? I've never been to a play.
Mum has a couple of tapes of old musicals that she's rented, so I've seen stuff
like My Fair Lady, but I've never gone to a proper theater. Is it good?"
"Quite good," Harry replied with a hint of amusement. "I don't suppose you've
seen any Shakespeare?" He could almost hear the 'Are you serious?' behind
Eggsy's look, so Harry headed it off before the boy could speak. "Not Romeo and
Juliet. This is a modern version. A comedy. Twelfth Night. It's playing at a
theatre not far from here and I think you might be surprised."
"But isn't that written in... gibberish, or somethin'? Will I even be able to
understand what they're saying?" Eggsy was still skeptical, but one point
worked in Harry's favor: even if Eggsy decided he didn't like the play, he'd
still be sitting in a dark room with Harry. Harry might even be paying more
attention to the stage than his surroundings, and Eggsy was tempted by anything
that let him spend more time with his friend and less time worrying about his
future. "I mean, I guess we can try it. I just don't know if I'll be able to
follow what's going on."
Harry laughed. "You'll be able to follow, don't worry. And it's not gibberish;
it's poetry! Old poetry." The boy was grinning back at him now, lopsided and
with a hint of cockiness that Harry frankly loved. That look tempted Harry to
reach across the table and tug Eggsy over to him, to fold the boy in his arms
and set him atop Harry's lap. "You'll see." Harry restrained the heat in his
own gaze. Somewhat.
They spent the next several hours perusing the shops along the walk, talking
idly about Dean and Michelle, grabbing lunch and then finally heading off to
the theatre.
Twelfth Night turned out to be enjoyable, but a bit of a struggle. The actors
spoke quickly, and while Eggsy understood the gist most of the time, other
parts left him puzzled. To the boy's delight, Harry would sometimes lean closer
to whisper explanations in his ear. The combination of Harry's voice, close
presence, and warm breath on his skin left Eggsy flustered, his stomach in
knots while he tried to keep still and not betray any embarrassing feelings. He
ended up squirming anyway, but whenever he snuck glances at Harry to see if the
older man had noticed anything amiss, Harry appeared composed and happily
absorbed in the play.
Harry determined that Shakespeare had been quite a success as they left the
theatre. He had an arm wrapped around Eggsy, and the boy had a flush to his
cheeks a waver to his step, like he was thinking very consciously of how to
move his legs and where to put his feet and, perhaps, just how the material of
his trousers brushed against him as they moved. Harry hadn't missed that
problem. Had only encouraged it throughout the whole of the second act, in
fact, and he didn't feel at all sorry for doing so.
Eggsy's day of peace came to an end soon after that, however. Late afternoon
would come with Michelle's worries if her son didn't return home on time. Harry
knew it and so did Eggsy, and he didn't have to convince the boy of the
necessity of not upsetting his mother with unexplained absences now that she'd
learned about Harry.
Rather than take the Underground back, they took Harry's car. Unlike the
previous times, Harry ended up dropping Eggsy off a few blocks from home.
Michelle didn't know what Harry's car looked like, but they didn't want to risk
being spotted. Eggsy lingered in the passenger seat for as long as he dared,
leaning across the divider to give Harry one last hug, and then he was out on
the sidewalk and hurrying back home.
Watching Eggsy's small figure retreat, Harry felt...both a vague sense of loss
and the anticipation of a new beginning. Eggsy didn't know it yet, but his life
was about to change very drastically. But Harry would be there. When he was
needed.
He pulled away, heading back into the sinking sun, and dialled a call in to
Merlin as he went.
===============================================================================
Over the next week, Harry and Eggsy saw very little of one another. Harry, as
expected, was sent away for the entirety of the weekend and most of the
following Monday, but they managed to talk whenever they could. Eggsy would
sneak outside, down to the courtyard or the lot underneath the flats before
going off to see his friends, or simply pretending a phone call with Harry was
him going to visit one of the neighbours in and of itself.
It wasn't until Thursday that Michelle received an official looking letter in
the mail and upon closer inspection, looked to be addressed from HM Revenue and
Customs.
Life turned upside down.
The pay from her side jobs had gotten noticed and she had no idea what she was
going to do. Failing to report income directly put her public assistance funds
in jeopardy, and deeper financial worries came hand in hand with this
unexpected legal trouble.
Eggsy watched, terrified, as his mother began to drink more often, placing
tearful and angry phone calls to her friends and work contacts to ask for help
or try to find out how she'd been reported. For such a small amount of
supplemental income, Michelle hadn't thought it would ever be noticed or matter
that she was getting paid under the table, but her assumptions hadn't held
true.
The situation only worsened a handful of days later when Met officers turned up
on their doorstep, this time with search warrants and questions about Dean.
Dean had been one of the people she'd called. One of the very first, in fact.
And he'd been helpful, as helpful as he could be without having any answers to
give her. He'd been apologetic and Eggsy had watched as Michelle stayed up all
night curled up on the couch talking with him, tears coming and going every now
and again.
That had been the beginning of their making up. Dean had promised to help,
somehow, in whatever way he could. It hadn't relieved the worst of her fears,
but Michelle took that little bit of comfort anyway.
So when she opened the door to a badge and two severe looking officers one
Sunday afternoon, Michelle ordered Eggsy back into his room. It didn't matter.
The walls were thin and he could hear their voices quite clearly.
Michelle had always been warned not to talk to the police if something serious
ever came up. It was one of those things you learned pretty quick, living in
the estates. If you were in trouble then it was best not to say anything until
you could get to a public defender. She stuck to that code, but she had no idea
why they were there.
Eggsy could hear how frustrated they became after only a short time of
Michelle's counter questions, and then he heard his mother call, facing back
toward his door by the sound of it.
"Eggsy?"
The boy hesitated. Having the police suddenly show up on his doorstep scared
him. He had no idea if they were here for him, if somehow he'd been caught on
camera shoplifting from one of the nearby stores and traced back to his home.
It wouldn't be much better if they were there for his mother, on account of the
letter she'd gotten. If they were taking her away, Eggsy had no idea what
they'd do with him.
Maybe, just maybe, they were looking for Dean instead. Eggsy hoped that was the
case, but he had no way of knowing. Eggsy felt like he was about to throw up
from sheer nervousness, but he finally cracked his bedroom door open and
dutifully walked over to his mother, watching the policemen with scared eyes
all the while. "...y-yeah?"
Michelle looked nervous. The officers looked impatient. The taller of the two
had his hand around her arm and Michelle was doing her very best to pretend he
wasn't there. "Hey honey." She got down close to him, reached out, pulled him
to her like she was afraid something would happen if she didn't have him close.
"I need you to come with me. We have to go in and talk to the police.
Something's happened with Dean an' I don't know what, but I can't leave you
here, ok? Get your jacket."
"What?" Eggsy's gaze flickered between his mother and the officers in
confusion. Inwardly, his tension eased a bit. This was about Dean - not him,
not his mother, just the man who was no good for Michelle. Maybe he'd even been
caught doing something and Eggsy wouldn't have to worry about him coming around
anymore. "Ok, just... can I grab my backpack too, if we're gonna be waiting
awhile? It'll be quick, I swear, just two seconds!"
"Hurry up," Michelle called after him as he dashed away, grabbing his things
while the officers turned his mother around and she was led out the door. She
didn't look any calmer and their body language didn't look any less
intimidating, but Eggsy didn't know if that was how the police always acted
when they were going to question someone about their boyfriend. They let
Michelle lock the door behind Eggsy and then they were all led down to the
street and put into the back of a police car.
Michelle reached for Eggsy's hand and held it tight. It was meant to be a
reassuring gesture, but he could feel how fast her pulse was thrumming.
When they arrived at the station, the two officers led them into what looked
like a waiting room. There were chairs and a water cooler, and people coming
and going like they were in a hurry while others waited. None of them looked
happy.
The officers exchanged a few words with Michelle before she turned back to
Eggsy. "They want to ask me some things. Sounds like it might be a while. Can
you wait here and do your homework?"
"Y-yeah, I guess..." Eggsy wasn't thrilled to have to wait there. The police
still intimidated him, and a number of the people waiting scared him as well.
Some looked like victims, waiting to file reports, but some looked very much
like suspects. Eggsy didn't want to be anywhere close to them if one of them
decided to get angry and start a fight. Eggsy clung to his mother's hand, but
eventually she had to go and was pulled away. The boy watched his mother
disappear down a hallway to one of the interview rooms.
Left alone, Eggsy shrunk down on himself. He was the only kid he could see,
which meant other people were noticing him too. He didn't want to be noticed.
Eggsy dug out a book from his backpack and hid behind it, thinking of his cell
phone nestled in his hoodie pocket. He didn't dare try to call Harry, but his
nervousness made the impulse nearly overwhelming.
He waited there for a long time, but mostly the other people left him alone.
Even when someone had to sit next to him, no one talked to him, and they left
as quickly as they could. There were a few old magazines strewn around on the
table in the middle of the room, but no one touched them. The clerks at the
desk ignored the people waiting until someone was called up. Occasionally, one
of the people waiting tried to go up and ask a question, how long someone would
be, when they would know the status of their case, and they were sharply told
to sit back down and wait to be called.
Eggsy waited so long that he was tempted to go up and ask himself. Maybe they
would be more forgiving to a kid. It had been over an hour. Then over an hour
and a half. Just when he was about to reach his wit's end, a younger officer
walked through the door and fixed her eyes on him.
"Eggsy Unwin?"
"Yeah?" Eggsy stuffed his book into his backpack and hopped to his feet. All
the anxiety that had dissipated in the dullness of the wait came flickering
back to life. Eggsy looked over the officer but couldn't see anything in her
face that gave any hint about what was going to happen. She looked tired, even
- as if Eggsy was just one more person in another case she'd already seen too
many of. "Is my mum done yet? Do I get to see her now? Can we go home?"
She went and sat down next to him, getting out of the way for others coming in
and out of the room, but her posture and her unhurried demeanour didn't lessen
Eggsy's fears. "It's going to be a while yet. Your mum might have to stay
overnight. In the meantime she wants you to stay with your aunt, Susan, right?
We've called her to come pick you up."
Susan lived all the way on the other side of the city. It would be incredibly
inconvenient for her to come and get Eggsy even if it was a Sunday, Eggsy knew.
She was always working, even on her days off.
Susan also wasn't a person who really liked kids. She'd been nice enough the
few times Eggsy had seen her, but he'd been able to tell that she hadn't really
been interested in talking or playing with him and was uncomfortable during a
lot of their interactions. Her conversations with Michelle had often been about
adult concerns and stories regarding the law office she worked for, which bored
Eggsy to tears. Susan wouldn't have been called to pick him up unless something
was really wrong.
"What's... what's going on with my mom? Why does she have to stay here?" Fear
filtered into Eggsy's voice for the first time since he'd arrived. His throat
felt incredibly dry. His heart was beating like a trapped bird. "Isn't this
about Dean?"
"It is." He could see she felt sorry for him. It was the subtlest set to her
expression, but her face otherwise didn't change. "We just have to figure some
things out still. Your aunt should be able to tell you more when she gets here.
Shouldn't be much longer. Just let the front desk know if you need anything."
With that, she gave him a tight smile and rose, nodded once, and headed back
through the door.
Eggsy watched the officer leave in quiet terror. He didn't need anything from
the front desk. He needed his mother. Susan was the only family they had left,
but she was practically a stranger to Eggsy. Again, the cell phone in his
pocket tempted him, but Eggsy was afraid that he wasn't allowed to call anyone
and it would get taken away.
Eggsy stayed on pins and needles for what felt like hours. Eventually, after
far too long, a vaguely familiar face walked up to the front desk. Eggsy
recognized his Aunt Susan, looking frazzled and definitely unhappy to be there.
Her dark red hair and heels looked out of place in the room full of the
disgruntled general public, more than half of them in sweats and jeans. She
didn't spot him until he'd stood and the clerk behind the counter pointed over
Susan's shoulder. When she turned to him, her eyes were wide and he could sense
a trace of uncertainty in her bearing. Still, she took a breath and seemed a
little calmer to have found him.
"Eggsy," she sighed and reached out for him. "What's Michelle gotten herself
into this time?"
"I d-don't know." Eggsy's words sounded just as miserable as he felt. Susan
touched his shoulder, but they were both at odds with this. "Her boyfriend is
mean. He hit her, and he nearly hit me, and he almost got arrested except mum
decided not to do anything about it, so then he just started comin' 'round
again. But then mum got a letter about money, and it was different this time,
and now the police are talking to her asking questions about Dean, and..."
Eggsy took a shaky breath. He hadn't eaten in quite a while, and with how upset
he was, the room seemed to spin just a bit. "I think Dean - that's her
boyfriend, the mean one - I think he did something illegal, and they think mum
might know something about it? Or where he is? They won't tell me what's going
on and why she has to stay here if they're just asking questions about Dean."
"Okay. I'll find out what's going on. Just....sit down and wait for me here."
She turned back to the desk and exchanged a few words with the clerk before the
officer who'd spoke to Eggsy earlier came out again. She pulled Susan aside and
they talked for a bit. She handed Susan a card and then began shaking her head
and pointing to the card, clearly ending the conversation.
Just as Eggsy expected, they parted and Susan came back to him, heels clicking
in sharp staccato across the tile floor. She did not look any happier.
"Apparently this Dean has got himself in trouble, drug running or something
like that. They're trying to figure out if Michelle had anything to do with it
and they're holding her for the time being." She put a hand to her temple and
glanced over Eggsy's belongings. "You're coming with me, I guess. You got a
change of clothes or something?"
"What? No!" No was a sharp denial, both of the idea that his mother would have
anything to do with drugs and his aunt's question about clothes. Clothes didn't
even seem important just then; Eggsy was only thinking about his mother,
whether they'd put her in handcuffs and where they were keeping her. All
because of Dean, who he'd never liked. "Aunt Sue, you gotta do something! We
can't just leave her here! Dean is a tosser but mum wouldn't have anything to
do with something like that!"
"I don't know what I can do, Eggsy!" Her hands dropped to her sides in defeat.
"They've got my number. If they want to talk to you, they will. They'll figure
this out. It's probably all just tangled up in a mess since she got involved
with him and--" she cut herself off at a stern look from the clerks behind the
desk. "We're making a scene. Come on, your mum'll be ok. They can't do
anything, just keep her for a day or so and then they have to let her go. If
they try to charge her, she can get a lawyer."
Reluctantly, Eggsy followed her out of the station. What else could he do? He
couldn't go back home, and he couldn't stay with his mother. Eggsy didn't even
know what was going to happen for school; Susan was all the way across the
city. She wouldn't be able to drive him, and it would take forever to get to
school via public transit - through routes he'd never been on before, full of
strangers.
The two of them walked around the building until they got to the lot where
Susan had parked her car. It wasn't anything fancy, but a sporty little red
sedan was a lot more than he and his mother had. Aunt Susan was better off than
them, working for a law office, but nobody would call her posh.
They sat inside for a minute after they got in, Susan taking a deep breath and
pushing her hair back from her face in what looked more like a nervous tick.
"Okay. So. We should hear back from her by tomorrow." She rubbed her temple,
looking distracted, like she was running through the same logistics Eggsy had
just been wondering about. "Have you eaten? We'll get takeaway somewhere. You
like Chinese?"
"Yeah, Chinese is fine." Even while upset, he was hungry. Eggsy had felt
starving so often lately. Money had always been tight, but his stomach seemed
to have gotten bigger lately. The same meals didn't fill him up, and he'd been
tempted more often to steal food from shops instead of trinkets. He hadn't
wanted to ask his mother for anything more, knowing just how sad she'd get and
that anything more would probably come from her portion of the food.
Eggsy swallowed as the car pulled out onto the street. They were heading the
opposite direction he'd come from, which only rubbed it in that he wasn't going
home. "Aunt Sue, will they let her go tomorrow?"
"Yeah," she sounded entirely too breathy, too optimistic. "They should. They
have to if they can't charge her, and it doesn't sound like they've got
anything on her. That cop told me Dean's friend was the one running the whole
thing, and they caught Dean with a stash and a list of contacts, but nothing
solid on your mum. So.... We should be good."
Her words were neither comforting nor were they damning, and that didn't help
Eggsy's predicament whatsoever. Aunt Sue had no idea how to comfort a child,
and it was pretty clear that she had no idea what was going to happen to her
sister. They sat in silence while Eggsy's stomach dropped lower and lower.
"You think you can miss a day of school tomorrow while I try and sort this
out?"
"Yeah, that should be fine." Eggsy latched onto the idea. He was in no mood to
go to school, or to finish his homework. Even if he'd managed to get there, he
wouldn't have been able to think.
All that Eggsy could think about, in fact, was calling his friend. His aunt
didn't know what to say, but Harry would. Harry might even be able to pick him
up and let him stay at the tailor shop for a while during the day. He might
know what they could do to get his mother out of police custody, or who they
could talk to about her legal problems. Eggsy's hands clenched around his knees
and he tried not to notice that the neighborhoods outside the car had turned
very unfamiliar.
It took them a long time to get out to Susan's flat in Stratford, only stopping
at the very end for takeaway when Eggsy was starving and couldn't take it
anymore. She had a one bedroom on the second story of a street of flats and it
was just as Eggsy remembered from the last time he'd visited with his mum--
a telly, a single couch, Susan's paperwork scattered on most of the flat spaces
including the small kitchen table, and all around kept for a single person in
no state to entertain children.
"Well," Susan looked around as they stood in the door. "Looks like you'll be on
the couch tonight."
Unhappiness settled into Eggsy's bones. He was tired, frightened, and now in a
strange place where he wouldn't have any privacy. His aunt's house didn't look
like it had anything interesting to do, and because he hadn't anticipated how
his night was going to go, Eggsy hadn't packed much. The boy sat down on the
couch and almost groaned; the cushions weren't anywhere near as comfortable as
a bed.
"How long are you gone at work tomorrow?" Eggsy asked after a moment. Maybe, if
he was lucky, it wouldn't be long. Maybe he could leave the flat for a bit
instead of staying cooped up all day in someplace that felt like an office
cubicle. He dug out his phone, wondering if it was too late to text Harry what
had happened since he had no privacy to call. Instead, he found a notice that
he'd gotten a text already.
With a click of a few buttons, he opened Harry's text and his heart sank. As
had happened before when Harry was out of town on work, the older man had sent
him a note that he'd be gone for a week, along with a picture of what was
supposed to be Kolkata, India. It certainly looked like it, as far as Eggsy
could tell, but all that mattered was that Harry was a world away and unable to
comfort him now.
All he had was Harry's tiny, pixelated smile, standing somewhere high up with
lush greenery and some kind of majestic, spired architecture in the background.
"I have to go in for a few hours at least, but I should be able to get out
early." Susan walked by, paying no mind to the relevance of Eggsy being on his
phone. She'd assume he was talking to friends, that this was a regular
occurrence. She sat down at the kitchen table and dug into her pork and fried
rice. As an afterthought, she found two glasses in the cupboard and poured them
some juice from the fridge.
Eggsy clicked his phone off and got up to join her at the table. He was still
ravenous, so he ate, but he barely tasted his noodles as they slid down. Harry
was out of the country for at least a week, his few friends were all the way
across town, his mother was being held at the police station, and he was stuck
with the aunt he barely knew, who didn't even have a bed for him to sleep on.
The boy reached the bottom of his carton in hardly any time at all, poked at
the remnants with his fork, and rose to escape to the bathroom. He didn't have
any toiletries with him, either, but at least he could relieve himself and have
a few moments of privacy.
Tears welled up as soon as he clicked the door shut behind him.
If Susan could tell he'd been crying by the time he came out, she didn't say
anything about it. She'd fished a movie out for them to watch. Some nameless
comedy that was only mildly interesting to either of them, but it passed the
time.
That night, she went to bed early with reassurances that Eggsy would see his
mum again tomorrow and not to mind her getting ready for work in the early
hours of the morning and that there was cereal and milk in the fridge and he
could find ham and cheese for sandwiches for lunch. She gave him her work
number and promised to be back before the afternoon.
And then Susan turned out the lights and disappeared behind her door and Eggsy
was left with only a pillow and a few extra blankets in an unfamiliar living
room.
The next day wasn't much better. Susan didn't have food that appealed to
children, and she was in a rush to get out the door and in to work. Eggsy was
left with a few reassurances and a warning not to leave the flat, and then she
was gone, leaving him with bland cereal, a half-carton of milk, and a quiet
flat ill-suited to a nine year old boy. What she didn't leave him was a spare
key.
Eggsy turned up his nose at the cereal and dragged one of the chairs into the
kitchen so he could better look at the cupboard contents. A lot of it was
nothing he wanted to eat, but there was a bagged loaf of bread on the counter
and some weird cheese he'd never heard of, along with butter, tucked away in
the fridge. Eggsy remembered his mother making toasted cheese sandwiches quite
a few times, and so part of the morning was an adventure in creating one for
himself. The end result was a bit burnt around the edges, but still very
edible. Far more edible than bran flakes.
After that, the boy showered and redressed in his old clothes, since he didn't
have any other options. Exploration of the flat revealed nothing interesting.
Eggsy quickly grew bored. Bored enough to do homework, at one point, and soon
enough even that was finished and he had nothing left to do.
In theory he could text Harry all the way in India, the man had sent him one
after all, but the international charges would be ridiculous and it was Harry
who was paying for his phone. Daytime telly was awful, sleeping was impossible,
and Susan didn't even have a home computer. Her small shelf of books were
filled with mostly self help, guides to financial success, and autobiographies.
In the end, he just had to wait it out.
Susan returned as promised that afternoon, but the moment she opened the door,
Eggsy could see in her face that something had gone wrong.
"What is it? Did you hear from mum?" Eggsy had draped himself across the sofa,
carefully playing catch by tossing his rubbed ball straight up into the air.
He'd tucked it into his pocket as soon as he'd heard a key in the lock. All he
could think about was that there'd been a delay. His mother had to get out -
she hadn't been involved in drugs, Eggsy was sure of that, so there was no
question she'd be let go - but there might have been a delay. If they needed
more help with the case than they'd thought, maybe the police hadn't let her go
yet, which might mean another day stuck in the dreary flat. Even school had
been better than this.
Susan sighed, shutting the door behind her and leaning against it. "Yeah, I
just talked to her. They're not charging her in collaboration with Dean or
anything yet, but it sounds like they're real suspicious. She says she was
ordered to review some unreported income with an attorney last week, and now
they're thinking that's where the extra money came from." Susan sighed, and
then seemed to realise she was talking to a child, about his mother no less,
and looked a little abashed. She took off her coat and set her bag down next to
the coffee table before she stood awkwardly before Eggsy. "It means she'll be
ok just as long as she can prove the money really came from odd jobs she didn't
report. But...there's another thing." Her mouth went thin and she shifted her
weight, clearly not wanting to give Eggsy bad news. "They said the Local
Authorities are questioning your welfare right now. With the incident with Dean
a couple weeks ago, that's basically domestic abuse. And now all this stuff....
They're just.... They're looking into it, might be making a case. And they want
you to stay with me in the meantime."
"Wait, wait. What does that mean?" Eggsy had gone from pale to sheet-white. The
fact that they were considering whether his mother was involved, instead of
just questioning her about Dean, was a shock enough, but the of rest of Susan's
words were enough to put a spike of fear through him. "What welfare? Not
like... orphan stuff, right? Just somethin' to keep Dean away from mum and me?"
Susan sighed and put her hand to her temple again, shaking her head. Her
normally energised attitude fell away somewhere in the past twenty four hours.
"No Eggsy, it means that because of all this stuff, the drugs, Dean being
violent, her putting you in danger, her trouble with money and using the system
and whatnot...it means they're questioning whether she's fit to take care of
you." Finally, her shoulders slumped and she sat down on the edge of the table.
"But... wh-what does that mean?" Eggsy wasn't stupid, but he wanted his aunt to
deny it and tell him that it meant something else - anything but what he
thought it meant. He'd grown up with other low income kids and heard about some
of them getting taken away, given to relatives or put into foster care homes if
nobody in the family was suitable, willing, and able. "Mum's just fine! I don't
want to stay here! I just want to go home!"
"Eggsy...." Susan looked lost. She looked frightened that he might cry and she
didn't know what to do about it or how to comfort him. But she also looked
sorry. "I'll do what I can to help. I can talk to the judge maybe. I know it
hasn't been easy, but you guys have been getting by on your own, and when they
sort all this other stuff out with Dean, well then...they'll let you go back
with her." She offered him a smile, but it didn't look very convincing.
Eggsy wasn't convinced at all. He was old enough by now to have realized that
adults lied. Aunt Susan definitely looked like a liar. "I just want to go
home..."
Eggsy slipped out the front door despite Susan's protests behind him. He wanted
privacy, and that was one of many things his aunt's flat didn't afford him. He
ran down the stairway and around the corner, finally locating a nook slightly
hidden by a tree trunk and decorative hedges that would shelter him from
curious eyes. He didn't let himself get too loud, swallowing down his cries,
but once he crouched down near the earth the tears came freely.
He might be losing his home. He might be losing his mother. And all of it was
Dean's fault. Eggsy hated him as he'd never hated anyone in his life.
He could hear Susan calling for him in the distance. He could hear the fear in
her voice and her curses over losing her sister's son the very first day she'd
had him, but Eggsy didn't come out.
People passed on the street just meters away and didn't see him. The world went
on, heedless of the way his life was falling apart so suddenly. Even Harry's
smile, all the way off on another continent, was little comfort to him now.
Chapter End Notes
     Art for a non-specific point in the story. Amakachao summed up the
     inspiration quite well: "#It reminds me of when I’d fall asleep in
     one place and then wake up #mysteriously in bed because my parent
     carried me there. #It’s a weird feeling. #Like I know what’s going
     through Harry’s mind >;) #but also nostalgia? #Careful don’t cross
     those wires lol"
      
     [http://41.media.tumblr.com/fd74d43002f64cdac7422f5b686323db/
     tumblr_nqb6dm0fIa1uug3e7o1_500.jpg]
     And_more_art_here
***** Chapter 7 *****
Thousands of miles away, Harry stepped out of a silver Lamborghini, squinting
into the setting sun. With a smile, he tossed his keys to a valet before a
small entourage of suits welcomed him to the outdoor club overlooking the city.
The music was in full swing as Harry moved between guests in flowing gowns and
formal wear, half of them already sloshed. He was all good charm as he moved
past the ladies, as he was greeted personally by the two software execs he'd
been tailing for the past week, already working his way into their circle, but
for the time being, Harry excused himself in search of drinks and set his mind
on watching them progress into a stupor from afar as the night went on. Until
the right moment arose.
He sidled up to a tall man in shades leaning against the bar, cocktail in hand
already, Indian heat sending a trickle of sweat trailing down his bare scalp.
"I should have brought you a hat," Harry murmured as he waited on a Martini.
"Never pass up an opportunity for ridicule, do you," Merlin replied, his lips
barely moving. His eyes were elsewhere on the room. To any observers they
weren't talking at all, merely taking advantage of space at the bar at the same
time. Thus far, everything was going according to plan. Their marks were
staying in sight, and behaving exactly as predicted. A little patience was all
that was required. "Keep it up and I'll find a convenient way to rid you of
your keratin burden. I wonder if that will make your private mission more
difficult."
Harry scoffed. "You underestimate my charms." Nevertheless, his fingers brushed
a little self consciously over the edge of his temple after he pushed up his
glasses. He settled his weight on his forearms and watched the setting sun with
a warm feeling in his gut, comforted by the cover of noise from the crowd
behind them. "I'd been meaning to tell you about that. Just received word he's
in the sister's hands already. Makes you feel comforted, doesn't it? Knowing
how conscientiously our children are being watched over by the Local
Authority?" Harry thanked the bartender for his drink and hid his smile along
the rim of the delicate glass.
"Speak for yourself." Merlin sipped on his own drink, favoring a passing woman
with a smile and a wink. Harmless; she was already spoken for, but a little
flattery and faux interest were all part of blending in. "I won't feel
comforted until I know the situation is in hand. Risk management and all. Just
what to you intend to do, after this little legal charade plays out? Arthur
will ask, you know. He might even assume you've taken an unusual tack at
nomination, unless you're too obvious and he decides you have your own personal
assistant like Tristan."
"Would it be so bad for him to suspect either? Or both, even? I do enjoy
putting Arthur off his footing once in a while, and he knows it." Harry laughed
softly. It sounded like a joke, but they both knew how serious Merlin really
was. There were simply too many odd factors that came along with Eggsy Unwin.
He was the son of a candidate, Harry's candidate in fact. It wasn't at all
unusual for the knights to follow family lines, but this was something very
different. Arthur might favour those knights who raised their sons with a
position around the table in mind just as much as a position in Parliament, but
he would not look well upon the adoption of a failed candidate for that
purpose. Harry shook his head. "Whatever the case, it'll be a long time in
coming, and Arthur can worry about it then. I'd rather focus on the next few
weeks ahead of us for now."
"Mmm." Merlin's hum was noncommittal. He glanced to one side, pretending to
follow the path of a well-known local across the room. He polished off his
drink, turned to the barkeep, and ordered another. Once the attention was off
him again, he resumed. "Tell me, are you planning on dragging me into this mess
more than you already have? Office supplies are one thing, but custody is quite
another. And you still haven't told me precisely what the end game is."
Harry didn't glance at him, but Merlin noted the small twitch at the corner of
his mouth. "I like to know what I'm signing up for in the name of preserving
security. It will determine how large a debt you owe me later."
"Good that you'll have someone's favour, because you're owe me plenty. I hope
you'll give me sufficient time to field requests. I scramble enough for the
organization as it is, and I have no desire for further hassle." Merlin lifted
his glass again. Another swallow and then he was studying the way the light
filtered through the drink, refracting in liquid and glass, bending to its
environment. He'd seen many humans bend just as much in his time, through
pleasant or unpleasant means. Merlin had an idea of just what would happen if
Harry obtained permanent custody of the boy.
As things went, he'd seen much worse. Harry lacked scruples in several areas,
as did every member of the Kingsman service and those they served, but Merlin
couldn't picture Harry enacting the horrors he'd seen happen to others. Small
comfort, but plebian conceptions of ethics were a luxury among them these days.
"Arthur won't care," Merlin finally said, his eyes on the shimmying waist of
some young thing swaying against a paramour. "You don't know all his tastes,
but he'd have no leg to stand on to criticize you. I know."
"No there's a story I might like to hear someday. Or, perhaps not," Harry
mused, idly casting his gaze through the crowd for one of the execs who'd run
off to the restroom five minutes ago. He liked knowing where his targets were
even during down time. Merlin wouldn't tell him anyway, just as he knew Merlin
wouldn't confess his own personal business to the other knights until it got
out on its own. Which made Harry wonder, and not for the first time, whether
Merlin had any side projects of his own. "Any thoughts yet as to what this all
will cost me when we're through?"
"I'm not going to ruin my bargaining power by setting false limitations on
myself," Merlin chided. "We'll talk more thoroughly once things are settled.
I'm not a grifter. I think you'll find the cost more than fair."
Merlin hadn't decided yet. Through all the avoidance of naming a more tangible
price, Merlin had insisted on reckoning the debt in terms of sizeable favours.
Part of it, Harry was sure, was that he wasn't certain just how much trouble
the impending legal battle was going to be, or the fuss that might ensue at
headquarters if his aiding and abetting drew a spotlight. But Merlin didn't
know what he wanted yet, which meant he might be influenced into accepting a
payment Harry designed himself.
So Harry hummed and took a sip of his Martini. "Indeed."
As the night went on, Harry mingled with the guests while Merlin retired early
to their rooms with one of the laptops Harry had taken off their targets by the
time they'd been too drunk to stand but not too drunk to resist showing off
their revolutionary anonymous networking design, one being solicited by various
government agencies. And Kingsman.
Harry kept them occupied for the rest of the night while Merlin inspected their
work and then made the exchange once again for Harry to safely stow away the
laptop with its owner, who by that time was halfway under a table and
completely incoherent. Harry would count it a miracle if the computer survived
the night without being stepped on.
"Rather nice to have a relaxed mission for once," Merlin commented once they
made it back to their rooms. The suites had door joining them in the middle,
which Merlin had propped open for the moment. "Delightfully warm weather after
all that damp, and none of the usual gunpowder and C4. Practically luxurious."
Harry tossed his jacket over a chair and Merlin raised an eyebrow. "I take it
the guests of the evening were not nearly as witty as they thought themselves
to be."
"You'd guess correctly, then. I've spent the week on a social battlefield; at
this point, I'd almost go for a real one." Harry sat down on the foot of his
bed. And then decided not to care and flopped backward. "And another drink."
He could almost feel Merlin rolling his eyes from where the man stood in the
doorway, so Harry cracked an eye to study him. "Tell me Merlin, who do you go
to for help on your 'side projects'? Don't tell me you don't have any. Unless
you truly don't, then just lie to me. Please. But that time with the missing
electric equipment, you remember...a month or so after you got the position...
That always made me wonder."
"You think I'd just tell you?" Merlin's smile was almost fond. The corners of
his eyes crinkled while he surveyed Harry's prone form spread across the
mattress. "You know as much as I how powerful the right information can be. I
had help, I've always paid for my equipment expenses just as you did, and it's
always been worth every pound. But your assumption is right: every member has
at least one guilty pleasure. I've sussed out quite a few of them for myself."
Harry snorted. "Of course you have. And it was worth a try. I'm laid bare
before you now." And Harry thought about that, not for the first time. His
initial reaction had of course been embarrassment, but it had quickly
dissipated, and not just because he knew Merlin would come around. The truth
was that he simply wasn't ashamed of it. Harry gave a long sigh. "Pour me a
drink, would you? And stop hovering in the doorway, you look like a ghost."
Harry relished the way he just knew Merlin was rolling his eyes internally
again. And the way he knew that if Merlin ever disclosed to the other knights
just how informal Harry was with him, they'd never believe it.
Likely there were a great many things the other knights wouldn't believe of
Merlin, as well. That he'd acquiesce to Harry's request so easily, for one;
mild irritation aside, the other man did exactly as asked, even digging out one
of the complimentary tumblers to pour it in. Merlin walked slowly, pausing to
crack the seal on the bottle once he was beside the bed. Harry didn't move, and
Merlin's expression turned hooded and contemplative.
"I doubt you're bare as all that. Is it just the unequal footing that's
bothering you? I thought you were confident in my standards of discretion."
"Oh I have no doubt of your fairness or your discretion," Harry admitted,
having to pull himself up to accept the drink without spilling it. He moved to
face Merlin, who sat at the chair opposite Harry's bed and poured himself a
finger of scotch as well. "But yes, I suppose I am used to being on equal
footing." Taken for granted, Harry thought. He and Merlin were close, as close
as Harry and Merlin ever really got to anybody. Now the man kept his secret
before Harry safely secured it and he would also owe Merlin an unspecified
favour. It didn't necessarily put him off that Merlin knew--he would rather
have Merlin in his corner than anyone else. It simply made him appreciate their
working relationship.
"You'll just have to endure for a while longer. I'll have a request once your
situation is a bit more squared away. My second expectation is that, in the
future, you'll help me should I make a reasonable petition for assistance on a
personal project."
Merlin sipped at his scotch. The two of them observed one another quietly, both
trying to take the measure of someone who'd been trained to hide as many
emotional tells as possible. Merlin cleared his throat. "Am I the first to find
out? Or no?"
Harry raised his brows, both at Merlin's question and that he might indeed have
personal issues of his own. "You are. You know I don't keep close company, and
the mother has no idea it's headed in that direction yet. Hopefully she won't
ever." Harry smiled to himself before he took a sip from his glass. "But you
should see him, Merlin. In person. I know you don't want to hear of such
things, but hear me out. He is...bewitching. And then in the next moment he's a
complete urchin. It's all very confounding, really," Harry added fondly,
thinking of Eggsy's smile in the sunlight and the drawl of his voice making fun
of one thing or another.
Merlin was silent for a moment, simply taking Harry in. "He's ensnared you," he
pointed out. "Just as much as you've tried to ensnare him. And you're right,
there are some things I'd rather not have to listen to, but I'm interested to
hear about your progress. I can't pretend to understand what you see, any more
than I can pretend to understand the relationships of a great many targets or
agents alike, but you sound like you have a particular strategy in play."
"I'm sure you're putting the pieces together," Harry chided. He strongly
suspected Merlin just wanted to hear him say it. Nevertheless he did need to
update Merlin on how far his help had gotten them. "I'm happy to report that
the income investigation accompanied by the boyfriend's narcotics trafficking
worked. The authorities suspect Michelle could have been in on it and have thus
placed Eggsy with her sister in the meantime. Citing possible neglect and
domestic abuse. I received word of the latter just this evening." Harry met
Merlin's gaze, his strong brows doing nothing to hide the calculations going on
in that mind of his. "Even if the narcotics investigation turns up nothing, the
investigation of Eggsy's welfare can't be stopped now. His mother is forbidden
from contacting him. The aunt won't want him. When the time is right, it won't
be difficult to bid for custody of the boy myself. If he can't go back to his
mother, Eggsy would jump at the chance, and I dare say the court would look
upon my offer, as a family friend, as the far more favourable option for his
well-being."
"Particularly as you're a notably higher class, socially and financially." It
wasn't just Harry's imagination; Merlin's pupils were dilated. The effect was
slight, but noticeable all the more for the change that accompanied the shift
in topic. "Prosecution may not be able to prove a direct connection, but
neither will Michelle be readily able to prove her side income is legal. Her
employers won't want to testify and admit to dodging taxes, and get
investigated themselves. How unfortunate it would be if one or more of them
were found to have ties to the drug trade in some capacity..."
Harry inclined his head, conceding to the idea and catching himself rapt in
Merlin's gaze. His gaze that was now a little less cool than it normally was.
"That would certainly add fire to their suspicions. Still just enough to heat
up the investigation without convicting her. For Eggsy's state of mind, I don't
think I should go that far yet, but I need them separated. Indefinitely. And
the court will do that if he has no other relatives. Dean could very well get
time for this, but if he does I don't suspect it will be long. He was only a
runner. They'll lean on each other now and that is exactly what I need them to
do. As long as he's in the picture and Michelle is unstable, Eggsy's welfare
will be in jeopardy." Harry's hand fell to his knee, turning the empty tumbler
and idly noting just how well he had Merlin's attention now. They sat in mirror
of one another, like two compasses honed in on a singular point between them.
Or perhaps, Harry mused, Merlin's compass was pointed directly at him.
"I'll arrange for something." A generous offer, considering that Harry's
previous requests for assistance were bought by as-yet-undetermined favours.
Merlin did not have a habit of volunteering help without personal motive or
some sort of payment. None of the agents did, point in fact - they worked
together on official business, and they protected one another, but they didn't
operate as a family, or at least not in the terms of the sort of selfless
altruism that usually implied.
"A great deal of trouble for a boy you could have merely taken." Merlin's voice
broke the silence after a few seconds. Harry didn't miss the way his Scottish
drawl had thickened - but whether from interest or alcohol was difficult to
tell.
"To what end?" Harry remarked. "I need him willing." He broke their gaze long
enough to watch the glass turn in his hand, remembering how the light refracted
through Merlin's earlier that night, out at the club. Harry could still feel
the man's penetrating gaze, but it oddly didn't bother him. Merlin wasn't
condemning him, he was...helping Harry. There was something motivating that--
Harry could feel it. He felt it should have been a little off-putting, but it
wasn't.
Harry didn't admit that he had no idea how long Eggsy would remain willing. He
had his hopes. But those hopes could be dashed in the face of reality.
"That's unexpectedly sentimental." Agents weren't given to such things, on the
whole. If they didn't start out that way, the work quickly stripped them of
preconceptions and a great deal of personal sensitivity. Completing missions
was difficult, if not impossible, with an agent that was too squeamish or
compassionate. Harry, it seemed, might be an exception. "And an interesting
word choice. Need. Not want."
"Is that your way of asking how far I'd go to get what I want?" A smile touched
Harry's mouth. "When does my desire to have everything get so bad that a want
becomes a need? Or if I can't have him in such a way, would that need then give
way to the desire to have him in whatever way I can?" On instinct Harry looked
up, just barely catching the spark of keen interest in Merlin's eyes. "Somehow
I get the feeling that if I were to ask, you'd tell me we all fall in the end."
Merlin's attention did not waver, and Harry found himself studying the other
man. "Is that where your interest lies?"
A small lift to the corner of Merlin's mouth told Harry what he needed to know.
"There is a certain inevitability to the way principles get compromised. Even
the most stalwart and seemingly incorruptible fall prey to the right temptation
or pressure. Sometimes opportunities just need a little encouragement to
present themselves."
Harry felt the beginnings of a wry smile pull at his mouth. "Sir Galahad the
Pure, the Chaste." Harry closed his eyes, feeling heavy with drink, offset by
the dawning thrill of understanding. "How this must delight you." It wasn't an
accusation. Harry set the empty glass on his night stand and brought his hands
to his face, laughing softly at just how fitting this little revelation about
him must have been for Merlin.
"Galahad didn't even need the prompting of a godless heathen wizard. He did a
fair enough job at corrupting himself," Merlin pointed out. His cryptic smile
had widened with Harry's laughter. Something about the man's expression opened
up, leaving him bright-eyed and a bit more authentic. "You're not the first, by
any means. My interests have never been about blackmail or leverage, although
they could certainly be used as such. Every agent has something. It's not for
me to judge."
Harry pressed a palm to his face and let himself fall backward again, still
chuckling. "We should really call you Lucifer." He'd paced himself through the
night, never quite drunk, only just buzzed, but Harry still felt like he was
going to need to chug several bottles of water come morning. And he couldn't be
arsed to care. He was feeling too good. Eggsy was going to be his. And
Merlin.... Harry shifted to meet the man's gaze. He was still watching Harry
with that strange, open excitement, almost a kind of fondness. Harry found
himself returning it, grateful. "Good to have you on my side."
"As much as I can be said to be on anyone's side." Merlin reclined against the
back of his chair, and it was only just then that Harry noticed how much the
other man had been drawn forward. Merlin studied him with a contemplative air,
that odd smile still hovering on his lips. "I couldn't quite believe it at the
beginning, you know. I hadn't wanted to know the details at first, particularly
when I was at risk of being called to task and made to give up anything I might
know about you. That danger has passed, and in retrospect was unrealistic given
how much I know. Arthur would be reluctant to press me."
Harry raised his brows. "Good to know." But that did make him wonder if Arthur
held a grudge against him nevertheless. Then Harry's brain caught up with him.
"You didn't want to know 'at first'? Has that changed?" He thought he should
feel uneasy, perhaps, and maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was a certain
amount of pride Harry felt at how captivating Eggsy was, that Merlin's
tentative interest did not offend him.
"Not everything is interesting to me. And being as I was tangentially involved,
covering for the missing equipment, well... it's far easier to convincingly
pass lie detector tests and interrogations about what you know when you, quite
frankly, don't know anything." Merlin gave a half-shrug, getting to his feet
and going to pour himself another finger of scotch. "I'm too involved, at this
point. And this isn't a particular scenario I've had the opportunity to witness
before."
"Hm, fair enough." Harry sighed and closed his eyes, feeling content with the
softness of the blankets under him and the drowsiness brought on by the late
night and the buzz of the scotch combined. He could fall asleep like that,
knowing a little bit more about just what kind of a man Merlin was and
comfortable in it all the same. "Happy to see you're getting some measure of
interest out of it, besides what I'll owe you." And Harry meant that. An
interested Merlin was a Merlin ready to help beyond grudging acquiescence.
Harry smiled with his eyes closed. "Knew you'd come around."
"No, you didn't. You were simply optimistic." Merlin resettled into his chair,
surveying Harry's contented sprawl with a goodly amount of amusement. The scene
was touching, but also vaguely disturbing. Harry had never dropped his guard
like this before. "And don't thank me yet. You don't know what you're going to
owe me." Merlin had a fairly solid idea of what he wanted, but little idea of
what Harry would willingly agree to, or just how much trouble the upcoming
legal battle might prove to be.
Harry hummed in the back of his throat, not letting Merlin spoil his mood. Or
erase the smile from his face. "Last night in Kolkata, Merlin. I should enjoy
it. I'll have a week at the very least, probably more, of pretending I'm still
away to contend with when we get back. Timing. I need Eggsy desperate." He
thought of the last time he'd seen the boy, taken him out for dinner and then
off to the latest movie. Harry thought about Eggsy curled against him on the
couch the night they'd told Michelle, not wanting to face his mother and yet so
willfully determined to confront her all the same. Harry wondered if some part
of Eggsy had known that it would go wrong. For all his outward optimism at the
time, he'd still clung to Harry like he feared it was the last time he'd see
him.
"Desperate should be easy enough to accomplish. I wonder if you're prepared for
what comes afterward, since you seem to be interested in more than a quick
indulgence." Merlin tilted his glass, watching the remaining scotch swirl at
the bottom. "Have you ever cared for a child on your own before? Longer than a
temporary fostering situation? Because the end game you're aiming for is
replacing this boy's entire family, all of his emotional and psychological
support... with you. Just you. Leaving for periods of time for missions will
cause tension. So will lies, if and when he catches you in them."
Harry sighed. "I know." And he did. It wasn't that he hadn't thought of that.
It was that he couldn't bring himself to stop, regardless. "I have to hope, for
now, that what I can offer him will make up for some of that in the end." Harry
could imagine just how poor a recompense that would be if Eggsy were to ever
find out the entirety of what he planned to do, but.... Lesser evils could
perhaps be forgiven. "And no, I have to admit I have very little experience in
childcare." Harry finally opened his eyes and let out a long sigh, feeling
himself come back to the present. "That'll be an exercise in and of itself."
"At least you're honest about that. Most people don't know what they're doing,
however. Even the parents themselves. Childcare seems to be largely trial-and-
error as conducted by most of the populace, with a scattering of pop culture
fads sprinkled throughout." Merlin's eyes went distant as he thought. Once his
glass was drained, he set it aside on the small bedside table. "Children are
work. You'll have to deal with a great deal of insecurity, beyond your
particular area of interest."
Harry raised a brow and turned his head, considering Merlin in a new light
though he very much doubted it could be possible. "And you would know about
this? Or is that just one of the many tips you've picked up by observing
people?" Merlin wouldn't have had the time to become tangled up with children.
Or families. Or so Harry assumed--the man worked constantly, more than most of
the knights. Merlin was almost never out of contact. But then again...Harry had
to consider that perhaps Merlin found ways of living his personal life at the
very same time. After all, the man was usually little more than a voice on the
other end of a microphone down in his bunker at HQ.
Merlin actually laughed. After how quiet the conversation had been, the sound
was startling. "Not known from experience, no. I've never been interested in
the stereotypical domestic life. What I have seen, or heard, from years of
surveillance is that raising children is a complex job that's not well
understood and often poorly executed, which in turn causes a number of
interesting results once they reach adulthood. And then, often, renew the cycle
by starting families while underprepared, making completely different mistakes,
and so on down the line."
Merlin leaned back in his chair, still with a cocky smile on his lips.
Exaggerated with the relaxing effects of alcohol, no doubt. "We're nearly equal
in terms of reclusiveness. I won't be of any help if you're seeking someone
with firsthand experience."
Both of Harry's brows raised at that. He rolled onto his side to face Merlin
more fully, aware even as he was that he must look ridiculous, too tired to sit
upright and still fully dressed but for his jacket. Studying Merlin made Harry
wonder if this was what the man's new found fascination for his own situation
felt like. A puzzle. Finding depths in a friend he hadn't known where there.
Suspected over the years perhaps, but.... "Are the strings you pull really the
only ones for you?" Harry found himself asking without meaning to. He didn't
find it sad. Rather...fitting, actually. Merlin was a master at what he did.
Why should his personal life be any different?
"Save your concern, if that's what you're getting at." Merlin's good humor
slipped into a defensive blankness quicker than Harry could blink. Harry had
seen the same composed expression on his friend dozens of times before. Focus
and impassivity were just two of many traits that made Merlin the best operator
and trainer they had, staying calm even when a situation jumped the tracks. "If
you're as exclusive as I suspect, you should understand. My interests tend to
put an end to anything I might care to pursue, and that's besides the duties
and long hours of our work. My position especially. And people are often more
effort than they're worth."
"Well," Harry sighed. "On that I heartily agree, up until now. I did not mean
offence." Harry offered the other man a small smile, knowing how his unassuming
nature and soft eyes had a tendency to work even on Merlin when he wanted it
to. Even when Merlin saw it coming, as he did every time. Harry suspected it
was part of the reason Merlin was always so exasperatedly fond of him. Fond
being relative, of course.
Harry reached over and patted the man's knee. "We'd best get some sleep. We'll
be packing up tomorrow and then it'll be a week of reports and nothing much
else."
Merlin tracked the approach and withdrawal of Harry's hand with a slight crease
to his brow, but didn't move away. "I doubt it will stay just reports. There's
always something when you least expect it. But yes, it won't do to be less
alert while getting ready to leave, particularly as I'll be flying. Only so
much on the plane is automated, you know."
Merlin flashed Harry a smile than was more courtesy than anything else and
stood. He left his empty glass on the table, and a few seconds later he closed
the adjoining door behind himself.
Harry rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He kicked off his shoes
and undressed just enough to be comfortable, wondering at this new
found...closeness, camaraderie, understanding?--whatever it was, he had with
Merlin. It was necessary, and, he supposed, kind of nice as well.
His thoughts drifted back to Eggsy. He hadn't had the time to send the boy
another text, nor should he even if he had. Eggsy was on his own now, left
adrift with Susan. Even if Michelle risked contacting him against the court's
wishes, there was nothing she could do to bring him back. Merlin was right,
Harry had a lot more work ahead of him in the next week than summary reports.
===============================================================================
Eggsy was miserable.
As much as he'd felt trapped and unhappy back home, as much as he'd been
avoiding his mother... at least he'd had her nearby, and his friends. Now he
had nobody.
His aunt had quickly tired of trying to drive him across town, what with the
hassle and the hours sitting in traffic, and had decided it was equally
unacceptable for Eggsy to take public transit across the city completely
unsupervised. He'd been enrolled in a new school near his aunt's house, and
there he'd promptly been targeted due to his new status and his hand-me-down
clothes, which had been retrieved from his mother's flat. Michelle still hadn't
been permitted to talk to him, and Susan was stricter than Eggsy's mother had
ever been. Fights hadn't been long in coming; his aunt didn't know how to
compromise or what kids needed, at all.
The lack of privacy grated on Eggsy's nerves. He wasn't allowed longer showers
- Susan complained about the water bill and how off-putting she found it to
speculate what he'd been doing. He had nowhere to escape outside - the grounds
around the complex weren't set up for play, and there were no other children
nearby that he'd found, and his aunt had been uncomfortable with the idea of
him walking or taking transit to one of the parks that were some distance away.
Everything left him trapped in a boring flat that was beginning to feel like a
prison cell. One with a very unhappy warden.
Most evenings Susan came home with takeaway for them both. Since Eggsy had
taken over the couch and she didn't have anywhere else to put him, she was
relegated to the kitchen table. Or her bedroom. They would watch the telly. She
would take calls that were either work related or personal and it was obvious
that Eggsy's presence made her uncomfortable about the latter.
When Eggsy's frustrations at being cooped up all the time started to outweigh
his hesitance to fight with his aunt, Susan became even more distressed. It was
clear she didn't know how to comfort him. As more and more of their nights were
spent on the couch and they still hadn't heard from the court, Eggsy's mood
began to drop. He acted out more and more, and what little faith Susan had in
herself as a caretaker dwindled rapidly.
Eggsy began spending more time looking at his phone. It wasn't smart of him,
and he knew it, but he'd kept a couple of Harry's texts, as well as the last
one. The photo of him in Kolkata was terrible, all pixelated and not doing the
man justice at all. With little else to do and no ability to contact his old
mates from school or Rowley Way, Eggsy began to fixate on his primary
friendship. He began to fantasize about what might happen when Harry came back
- if he would know what sort of lawyer Michelle might be able to get to clear
things up, if he'd be able to have regular talks again so he didn't feel on the
edge of exploding all the time. After days and days, the boy couldn't take it
anymore.
Two terrible things happened at once. The first was that he texted Harry's
number, hoping that the man had returned from his business trip, only to
receive a notification that his texts could not be delivered. The second was
that Eggsy walked past the kitchen table one night, going to the fridge for a
snack, and spotted a letter from what appeared to be a long term foster care
placement agency. Eggsy picked up the envelope and opened it with a cold, heavy
feeling in his stomach.
It dropped further upon what he read. The agency thanked Susan for her inquiry
and proposed a date to deliberate with the court about one Gary Unwin's well-
being. Potential issues with anger and rebellion, as well as suspected
depression were mentioned. The date they'd set was only a day away,
midafternoon. Eggsy would be in school still and Susan hadn't mentioned it.
She'd be there without him, talking to these people about his future without
him or his mother.
It was then that the clack of heels announced Susan's entry to the kitchen just
behind him. "Eggsy, don't read the mail."
"Fuck that." Eggsy no longer bothered watching his mouth around his aunt. This
was the last straw; he no longer cared about tiptoeing around her feelings.
"This's it? You're gonna just go tell a bunch of people you don't want me no
more, and hand me of to some strangers? And you're not gonna tell me?"
Eggsy's hand clenched without thinking, and he heard a crunch of paper as the
letter turned into a ball. He threw it at his aunt, only feeling a small
measure of satisfaction as she ducked to avoid it. He was afraid, but his anger
outweighed his fear. "You're not even gonna ask what I want? I don't wanna be
here neither, you know. I just want to go home with mum."
"Shit! Eggsy!" Susan righted herself and pointed her finger at him, control
slipping just as quickly. "I want you to be back with your mum, too! But this
isn't working. You can see that, right!? I can't. I can't take care of you. You
can't live on the couch forever. I can still barely get you into school on
time. Neither of us are happy here and maybe being with a professional would be
better until you can go home." She passed a hand over her forehead and sank
back against the wall, overtaken by the sudden confrontation and clearly not
expecting to have had to tell him. She looked more upset than he'd seen her
before. "Shit."
"Maybe I don't wanna be with a professional!" Eggsy yelled back. Hurt filtered
into his expression and his vision blurred. All he could think about was
Michelle and Harry. Neither of them would treat him like this. Harry would let
him stay with him, Eggsy was sure of it - even if he had to be out of town for
work. The older man trusted him, unlike his aunt, and Eggsy wouldn't betray
that.
The boy scrubbed a fist across his face, ridding himself of tears, and started
to move. He pushed past his aunt and into the living room. "If you don't want
me, then I'll just go!" A few seconds were all it took to scoop up his backpack
and move to the door.
"Eggsy, you can't just run away!" she called after him. "I'll call the police!"
That was the last thing he heard before the door slammed behind him and he was
running down the steps. Eggsy had escaped several times already, most often
after they'd fought, but he'd always come back. He had nowhere else to go.
Susan hadn't called the police before--he'd never been gone long enough for her
to seriously worry--but this time was different. Considering the circumstances,
it didn't sound like an empty threat.
Eggsy didn't care. His aunt's opinions and actions didn't mean anything to him
anymore. He wasn't afraid of her, not like he was afraid of rejection by his
mother or violence from Dean. She'd barely factored into his life before his
mother's legal troubles, and now it looked like she was going to be absent from
the rest of his life as well.
Eggsy didn't have a solid plan. All he had was a few quid tucked away into his
backpack, some of it pickpocketed, and sheer desire. He could only hope that
Harry was home from work now, or that he could hide and last for as long as it
took for him to get home.
When Eggsy boarded the underground, it wasn't yet so late that it was strange
to see a boy of his age on the subway, but it was a bit to see a child
unaccompanied. Eggsy kept his gaze averted and his hood pulled up, tense for
the entire ride. He breathed a sigh of relief once he got off, but it was
brief. He had a long ways to walk.
Some time later, he stopped outside Harry's house, cell phone in hand. He
dialed, praying that Harry picked up and worrying about what he was going to do
if his friend didn't.
It was a bad sign that the lights were out. It was already well after dark and
all the neighbours had their lights on inside. Everyone in the mew but Harry.
The call dropped and once again Eggsy received a notice the number was
currently unavailable. It had to have something to do with Harry being in
India. Somehow he'd been able to text Eggsy when he'd arrived, but...his phone
could have gone out of service. Maybe there were roaming charges he didn't want
to pay. Maybe he thought Eggsy would be fine until he got back and that one
picture was enough in the meantime. Eggsy's life was falling apart, standing
right outside Harry's vacant doorstep, and Harry had no idea.
Cars passed out on the street behind Eggsy, sometimes the occasional
pedestrian. All of them had somewhere to go home to at the end of the night.
Michelle wouldn't turn him away if he went home. She'd probably break down,
hold him and say how sorry she was and how much she missed him. And then the
police would come and take him away when they found out. Right back to Aunt
Sue, or worse.
Eggsy was staring up at Harry's window in despair when he heard one single,
tell-tale bleat of a police siren behind him.
Eggsy jumped, then started walking. Running drew attention, and attention
wasn't what he wanted. A glance over his shoulder gave him second thoughts
about that, and with fear clenching his gut, Eggsy broke into a sprint. He had
no clear idea of where he was going. He didn't even know the neighborhood; he
had no idea of where he could slip away from pursuit. All he could think about
was putting distance between himself and the Met car. Everything else was a
worry for later.
It was no surprise when they followed, lights coming all the way on. Eggsy had
to duck back into the street since he couldn't get through the gates in the
mew, and that put him right in front of his pursuers. Whether the entirety of
the force really was on the lookout for him or whether they were simply
suspicious of a young boy out alone after curfew didn't really matter.
Eggsy heard the slam of a car door and then footfalls behind him, the siren
diminishing.
Eggsy ran as fast as he could. Terror consumed him. If they caught him, Eggsy
was sure they'd put him in foster care. He'd never see his mother, or Harry, or
any of his friends, ever again. He'd be stuck with cold strangers who, in his
imagination, had to be even worse than his Aunt Susan. Shouts rang behind him,
but he didn't pay attention. Eggsy turned a corner, vaulted over a short wall,
and went flat against the ground in some stranger's garden, just underneath the
shrubbery. The boy's hands shot out and clamped onto the woody base of one of
the plants, and he shut his eyes, listening for footsteps.
"Where'd he go?"
Eggsy could hear them now. They saw him turn the corner. There were only so
many places he could have run between the town houses.
"You check that way."
One set of footsteps dashed away. The other came closer. A torch shined over
Eggsy's head and into the backyard of the house, then the one next to it. Boots
scraped against the wall Eggsy had jumped over and he realised one of the men
was up on its ledge, right above him, peering down into the yard to find out
where he could have escaped. There was only one gate at the other end, but it
was closed and locked.
And then the light of the torch came down, nearly blinding him with its
intensity.
"Gotcha!"
Eggsy squirmed to try to get away, but it was too late. The policeman was too
close, and he felt a large hand come down and grab him near the back of his
neck, forcibly pulling him up from where he'd been hiding. "Gerrof me!" he
yelled, but his voice came out in a frightened squeak. The bobby had him out on
the sidewalk and metal cuffs around his wrists before he could do anything.
The other one came back as soon as he heard the commotion. "Hush now, we're not
gonna hurt you," Eggsy heard the first man say. It was hard to get a look at
them when he was facing the ground, but then he was lifted by the arm and
turned around, apparently not taken as a threat. "Why'd you run, huh? Where are
your parents?" This man was older, rough sounding in the way only a Londoner
could be. The second looked like the rookie, fresh faced and a little wide
eyed.
Eggsy caved. He was only nine, and not brave enough to put on a tough face. He
broke into tears, held firmly by one cop who had a firm grip on his cuffs. "I
just wanted to see my friend," he sobbed. The officers were walking him away
from the alley, and Eggsy glanced back, but he couldn't see any lights in
Harry's house. He must have still been gone. "Please, I'm sorry, I just wanted
to see my friend."
"Okay, okay." Finally the officer's tone turned mollifying, but they were still
taking Eggsy back to the car. "Looks like you were planning to be out for a
while," he said, noting Eggsy's backpack. "Where's your parents? They know
you're gone?"
They stopped in front of the car. At least they weren't putting him inside, but
the officers were still trying to get through to him in spite of his tears.
They both looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to calm down. Probably,
neither of them worked with children very often, but they were patient
nonetheless.
"I don't... I'm not allowed to see my mum, 'cause she's in trouble, and my aunt
is awful," Eggsy wailed. "I don't want to go back, she's mean and there's
nothing to do and I don't have any friends with her, 'cause she's on the other
side of the city. I just want to go home, but my aunt says I can't, and I want
my friends." Both of the officers were looking at him strangely, which just
made Eggsy feel worse.
"Okay, we'll figure this out, and then we're going to get you home. C'mere."
The officer turned Eggsy around to unlatch the cuffs, but he still kept a good
grip on the boy. The other one opened the car door. "In the meantime you're
going to come with us until we can get this sorted out." Eggsy was helped along
into the back seat and he found that once closed, the doors locked
automatically while the two officers climbed into the front. "What's your name,
kid?"
"Eggs-... um." Part of the boy remembered that that wasn't his real name, the
name that would be on paperwork. "Gary, I guess. Unwin. Please don't send me
back to my aunt, she hates me, she was trying to get rid of me to some foster
thing. My mum's name is Michelle."
Eggsy was no longer cuffed, but he was still afraid. The back of the squad car
had stains in it, and the doors were locked, and once the engine started they
began rolling away from Harry's house. Eggsy watched it grow smaller and
finally leave his sight with a panicked feeling. "Do I get to call someone?
Isn't that in the rules?"
He caught the officer's gaze in the mirror. "Yeah, that's the rules," he
sounded somewhat amused. "You can call someone when we get back to the station.
You're not under arrest or anything; we're just gonna help you get back to
wherever you need to be." The other one got onto the radio and began
communicating their situation to dispatch. As soon as he gave them Eggsy's name
though, the station informed them that there was a search out for the boy all
the way over in Stanton and confirmed that they were to return at once.
"Sounds like that aunt's been looking for you," the younger officer said to
fill the silence.
Eggsy slumped in on himself. He didn't want to go back with his Aunt Susan, not
with how she was and what she wanted to do with him. She didn't want him, or
really even care about him. She just wanted to get rid of him so he wasn't her
responsibility anymore.
Eggsy pulled out his cell phone, since the officers hadn't taken it from him.
He tried calling Harry's number, but the display flashed an error again. Harry
must still have been out of the country. Eggsy couldn't think of any other
reason his number wouldn't connect unless he was travelling and too far away,
or his phone was turned off on a plane.
The boy slid sideways and laid spread out against the back seat of the squad
car. The movement caused his pendant to slide against his chest, and Eggsy dug
it out. On the back was an engraved series of numbers. All Eggsy remembered was
that he was only supposed to use it in an emergency, and the passcode he was
supposed to say. His heart sped up in his chest. He didn't know if his current
situation was a true emergency, but it certainly felt like it.
He could barely remember the man who'd given it to him years ago, just warm
brown eyes, the sharp lines of a suit...a now familiar smile. He knew it had
been Harry. Thinking back was like seeing fragments of motion, but even then
Harry had seemed calm, steady, warm, his presence comforting to Eggsy if not to
his mother. It was hard to say whether the number would still connect nearly
three years later, but Harry had told him he could rely on it.
The car lurched and they were engulfed in the dull lighting of an underground
parking lot, turning and turning until the car came to a stop.
"We're here," the first officer announced, taking a look back at Eggsy. "Come
on, up with you now."
Eggsy stuffed his phone back into his pocket and waited for the door to open.
The second officer took him out by the arm, but not unkindly. Neither of them
were expecting trouble, and Eggsy didn't give them any. He was taken past the
front desk to a chair in the back, beside the desk of a third officer who
looked bewildered to see such a young child. Eggsy scrubbed the back of his
hand across his face again, drying his tears. "Can I... use the phone, please?"
"Sure you can. But we're going to call your aunt and your mum as well," the
older officer told him while the man at the desk motioned to the corner where a
phone was set into the wall for visitor use. Another officer walked into the
room, a woman this time, and pulled aside the man who'd been leading Eggsy. She
spoke in hushed tones, but Eggsy could tell she was informing him of the
situation they'd received from Stanton.
The man at the desk, though slightly bewildered still, put on a friendlier
expression than the others had. "Go on, you can call whoever you like. It'll
probably be a bit of a wait, besides."
Eggsy watched them all with a degree of wariness. He walked towards the corner
phone, but it was another minute or two before he picked it up. The other
officers were whispering and looking at him, and he didn't like it.
The boy fished his medallion out from underneath his shirt, turned it around
and punched the number into the phone. After a few rings, he was thrown off
guard by the pleasant feminine voice that answered on the other end of the
line, but managed to stammer out "oxfords, not brogues". To his dismay, the
line seemed to go dead afterwards.
The officer who'd brought him in came up, looking slightly friendlier than he
had before. He frowned at the phone in Eggsy's hand and the look on the boy's
face. "We're gonna hand you over to these fine lads now, and you can stay here
while they sort everything out. Your aunt's being called, as well as the
authorities appointed to your welfare case. They'll do what's best." He gave
Eggsy a pat on the shoulder and then turned to go with his partner, leaving
Eggsy alone with the station attendants.
The woman gave him a kind smile. "We'll let you know when we've reached your
aunt. I heard you said you didn't want to stay with her anymore, and maybe
that's why you ran away?"
"She doesn't like me, and she wants to get rid of me." Eggsy shifted in his
seat, uneasy and now even more worried than before. The number on his medallion
was supposed to do something, but whoever was on the other side had just hung
up on him. For all the boy knew, he was now on his own. "She told me not to
look at the mail, but I did, and she had a letter from someone, where she was
trying to give me up. She's not even my real mum! My mum's nice, but in trouble
because her boyfriend is a jerk."
"Considering the circumstances, we've called your mum, too. She knows where you
are, but...while the court order still stands, we can't place you back with
her." The officer leaned against the desk and Eggsy could see she was trying to
relax, but it was just as clear what news she had to give troubled her. "Your
aunt isn't required to take custody of you... If things haven't been working
out, and it'll depend on what your case worker thinks, but it might be best for
you to be with another family member, or someone who's prepared to take care of
you."
"I don't have any other family." Tears threatened to spill over again, and
Eggsy felt shamed as well as afraid. He was supposed to be tougher than this.
Boys weren't supposed to cry, not unless they were babies, and he wasn't a
baby. He just couldn't bear the thought of being given to some stranger he
didn't know. "My dad died in the service, my grandparents are gone. It's just
my mum and my aunt."
Eggsy's thoughts drifted again to Harry. The policewoman had said he had to be
with family or someone who'd take care of him. If Harry could come back from
his work trip, maybe he could convince his friend to take him.
The officer frowned at that. She looked genuinely sad for him. She placed her
hand on his arm, not very unlike the officer who'd brought him in, just a
little more gentle. "We'll work something out. It'll be better than you think."
But there was no way she could know that. Eggsy's options right now were pretty
clear. Susan might take him for another night, but she was planning on placing
him somewhere else tomorrow, and Harry wasn't here. If only he had more time,
or knew when Harry was coming back. There was no telling if they would make him
stay with some foster family once he'd been placed, even if Harry was willing
to take him for a while. Eggsy had no idea how these things worked.
Across from them, the station's phone rang, breaking the silence and the other
officer picked it up. He glanced at Eggsy before confirming something on the
phone, and if Eggsy wasn't mistaken, he looked a little flustered.
The woman he'd been speaking to pulled him away from the desk. "Why don't you
settle in for a while? You can have something to eat if you'd like; we've got
some snacks. It won't be long before your aunt and your case worker get here."
Eggsy nodded. He wasn't thrilled, but he was pretty much always hungry
nowadays. Even if the station didn't have much, it was better than just waiting
for something horrible to happen. The policewoman gave him another smile and
walked away from her desk for a moment, returning with a packet of crisps and a
soda. Eggsy broke into them, not tasting much aside from the tang of salt and
the syrupy sweetness. His legs kicked from where they dangled off of the
ground. He wondered what his aunt was going to say once she got to the station.
If she was even going to come. For all Eggsy knew, she might leave him here and
send some new person to come get him once she'd placed him with someone else.
Before they got back to work, the other officer went over to her and whispered
something too quiet for Eggsy to hear. Her brows knit and she looked at him,
but nodded and sent him back to his desk. A minute later, she rose.
"Gary?" she asked the boy tentatively. "This is a little odd, but we've
received word that you're going to meet with your aunt and case worker
tomorrow. Someone's coming to pick you up in the meantime."
"Oh?" Eggsy fidgeted. With him not allowed to see his mother, and Harry not
answering his phone, Eggsy had a rough time imagining who might be coming to
pick him up. Unless it was someone with the foster care system. The boy stared
at his feet, dejected and nibbling on crisps, wondering what was going to
become of him. Nothing he'd heard of the foster care system sounded nice. He
couldn't imaging they'd let him see his old friends, either.
The woman took in his dejected slouch and looked at a loss to help. She looked
like she wanted to reassure him, but all she could do was offer him another
poorly executed smile. She didn't know anything more than he did, apparently.
Eggsy sat there for the next thirty minutes with officers coming and going, the
two manning this section of the station taking calls and sending assistants out
on errands. Eggsy could see through the window of the waiting room that the
rest of the station wasn't too busy tonight, just a low key kind of bustle that
seemed ingrained into its work flow. It wasn't very comfortable though. The
lighting was a little too harsh. The furniture was a little too old and too
hard.
But after all that time of waiting and no further calls for Eggsy, just when he
was starting to wonder if they'd forgotten about him, there came a bustling
down the hallway. Swift footsteps and voices echoed through the wall, sending
Eggsy's heart racing as it became clear they were headed his way. And then the
door opened and there stood Harry Hart, one hand stiff on the handle, pulled up
to his full height and dressed in all his finery, carrying more presence with
him than any of the other men in the room combined.
Eggsy slid off of his chair, ignoring the officers and racing over to his
friend. His arms wrapped around Harry's waist and he refused to be persuaded to
let go, no matter how the officers bid him to return back to his seat. To a
certain degree Eggsy was afraid to let go; he worried that Harry might vanish
if he did. The fine wool under his hands felt exactly like he remembered and
carried a faint warm scent underneath. All of it was Harry. All of it was
familiar, and moreover, all of it was firmly associated with safety in Eggsy’s
mind.
Warm arms engulfed him, the soft press of leather gloves ghosted over his hair,
and then Harry was sinking, coming down to Eggsy's level until he could look
the boy in the eyes.
"Eggsy," Harry smiled. It was the first real smile Eggsy had seen in weeks.
Harry's soft brown eyes were full of warmth and relief, like he'd been waiting
for this moment, too. "I heard you'd gotten into a spot of trouble."
The officers finally quieted down, realising this strange man who'd come for
Gary wasn't bothered.
"Y-yeah, I..." Eggsy flushed with embarrassment, but he wasn't ashamed of what
he'd done. He'd do it all over again. Anything seemed better than staying
another moment with his aunt. "I ran away. 'Cause I can't stay with my mum,
because of the lawyers, but my aunt is awful and she wants to give me away, and
she didn't want me to know about it, but I found the letter. I just didn't want
to stay anymore, but my phone wasn't working, so I came to find you but you
were gone and the Met found me instead."
That said, Eggsy's shoulders slumped. He felt like all the energy had gone out
of him, all of his worries suddenly dissipated now that Harry was there.
"Can...can I..." Eggsy swallowed, his gaze flickering sideways for a moment
towards the officers who were watching the exchange. "Can I come stay with you?
Please? I don't want to go back to my aunt's house, she doesn't want me and I
don't want her either."
Harry's warmth didn't diminish. He gave only a sigh of relief and his smile
even widened. "My dear boy, that is exactly why I've come to pick you up. I got
the call as I was getting off the plane. The police told me what happened to
your mother. And Dean." Harry's tone dropped at that and he rose back to his
feet, but didn't let go of Eggsy. "And I'll thank you, officers, for taking
care of Gary until I could arrive."
"Certainly, Mr..." the woman trailed off.
"Hart. Harry Hart, and I'd be happy to sign for Gary and we'll be on our way."
"Of course." She looked a little more alleviated at that and led them back into
the hall. Harry kept his arm tight around Eggsy's shoulders until she handed
him the sign out list and he scrawled his signature across the bottom. This
didn't seem particularly normal, that the case worker or whoever had called
hadn't given the police Harry's name, but for some reason they were going along
with it anyway.
Harry thanked her again and seemed perfectly at ease doing so. It struck Eggsy
that he was perhaps the only person Eggsy knew who looked comfortable in a
police station. "Do you have all your things?"
"I don't have much. A lot of my clothes and stuff are still at home 'cause Aunt
Susan thought she wouldn't have me too long, but some are at her place. I just
got this." Eggsy lifted his backpack slightly. Almost all of his recent
belongings were inside. Harry's smile didn't waver, and Eggsy felt another
piece of tension melt away. The older man would figure things out. Maybe he'd
even buy him new clothes to replace the threadbare articles scattered between
two flats. "Do I have to go back to my new school? Aunt Sue made me switch
schools but I hate it."
Harry shook his head. "No, it's back to the old one for you. Let's get out of
here. We can ask Susan to bring the rest of your things tomorrow." Harry took
hold of Eggsy's hand and led him out of the police station. It was like parting
the sea, passing officers without a second glance who would have stopped Eggsy
in his tracks if he'd tried to leave by himself. Harry's presence was like
magic.
They found his car parked on the street and Harry let Eggsy inside, welcoming
and familiar, and shut out the cold once Harry climbed in on the other side.
Harry took off his gloves and looked at Eggsy, simply taking him in with such a
soft smile on his face. He reached out and stroked his fingers over the back of
Eggsy's neck, nestling them there like he didn't want to let go.
"I'm glad you're safe," Harry offered quietly.
Eggsy scooted closer. He felt cold all over, enough that he was shivering, but
it had nothing to do with the temperature outside or the station he'd just been
in. The car was warm, but this chill went down to his bones. Eggsy reached
across the divider and embraced Harry again as much as he could, still not
quite believing the man was solid underneath his fingers. "I got so scared, I
thought something happened and I weren't ever gonna see you again, or mum, or
any of my friends. That my aunt was just gonna hand me off to someone and I'd
disappear. I tried calling you but my phone didn't work, just said it couldn't
get your number."
After a beat, Eggsy gave a laugh that was almost a hiccup. "I went to go wait
outside your house but I think your neighbors called the bobbies on me."
Harry scowled. "I'll have to have a word with them about that. I intend for you
to stay at my house for as long as you need to." He shifted and pulled out his
phone, checking its history. "You probably called while I was in the air. It
was quite a long flight." He set it down and hugged Eggsy closer, gathering him
against himself. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there."
Eggsy felt the soft press of a kiss to the crown of his forehead and Harry's
cheek resting against this temple. He could feel it when Harry breathed in,
like he was drinking in their closeness before Harry pulled back.
"What do you say we go home? Somewhere you can stay."
"Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that." Eggsy moved back into his seat to let Harry take
the car out of park and start to drive. They weren't even away from the police
station yet and he already felt much better. It was only then that Eggsy
realized how empty his stomach felt that had nothing to do with his earlier
fear. "Can... we get something to eat, too? I got some crisps at the station
but that doesn't do much."
After a second, Eggsy's thoughts caught on another question. "...do you have a
bed at your place? My aunt made me sleep on the couch. Not one of the couches
that turns into a bed, just a regular one, and it wasn't comfy at all."
Harry laughed. "Eggsy, I have a whole guest room. But I suppose you haven't
seen the upstairs when you were over, did you?" He glanced at Eggsy while they
drove and there was something in the look Harry gave him, something warm but
different than the kind of warmth Harry'd had before. Something almost heated.
But he turned back to the road and his smile never faltered. "I'll throw
something together when we get home. I haven't eaten in quite a while, myself."
And with that, Harry drove on.
Eggsy let himself drift, lulled by the warmth and the hum of the car engine,
and the security of knowing Harry was at his side. The chill imparted by shock
was slow to dissipate, but even so, Eggsy almost fell asleep before they
arrived back at Harry's house. The car rolled to a stop and Eggsy felt a gentle
hand on his arm rousing him from his dazed state, and he turned into the touch
automatically. Harry gave him another smile, a hint of embers just visible and
smouldering in the earthen color of his eyes, and then he squeezed the boy's
arm and opened the car door. They got out and walked to the door together.
It felt like coming home.
Harry led Eggsy with just a touch and Eggsy followed, shrugging his backpack
off his shoulder and setting it beside the table in the entry, taking off his
shoes and pushing them into their familiar spot beside the door. Harry shed his
coat and jacket, setting the former onto its hanger and the latter over his
arm. He clucked at the lack of Eggsy's. "We'll have to get you a proper coat
soon. You'll freeze solid at the first snowfall. Whether or not you're back
with your mother before then," Harry amended before leading Eggsy into the
kitchen, turning on lights as he went.
"Coats are expensive." Eggsy yawned and trailed after Harry, smiling as Mr.
Pickle tapped his way into the kitchen and began to follow the boy like a furry
shadow. Harry was busying himself with the stove, checking the fridge and
cupboards. Eggsy climbed into a nearby chair to watch. It felt like forever
since he'd seen Harry, and even with Mr. Pickle trying to demand his attention,
Eggsy found he couldn't tear his eyes away. "Mum has trouble finding ones at
the secondhand store that we can afford that fit me. It's not that bad if I
wear a few layers and don't wait too long for the bus."
"Well, we can spare the funds." Harry shot a small smile Eggsy's way before he
fished out half a tray of lasagne and put it in the oven. He turned back to
Eggsy and drew up to lean against the door frame, very close, closer than Harry
often came when they'd spent time together that wasn't on the couch or
something like that. "Ten minutes and dinner will be ready." Harry wouldn't
stop looking at him. Like he'd missed Eggsy just as much even though he'd had
no idea what Eggsy had been through. "You've put up a brave front through all
this, I must say," Harry offered quietly.
Eggsy's lower lip quivered. Harry was so close, just like he wanted - just like
the fantasies he'd had at night, curled up in his bed when he was listening to
his mother cry in the other room, or draped across the uncomfortable couch in a
flat that felt like a prison. Harry had come to his rescue, plucked him right
out of a police station and stolen him away from the aunt he disliked, and done
it all while looking...
Eggsy swallowed. He tried to stop himself, but he couldn't manage to keep
himself from looking. Harry's clothing was expertly tailored, just as one might
expect for someone who worked at a bespoke tailor shop, everything fine and
soft-looking and hugging the outline of his body. It begged to be touched, and
Eggsy's hands clenched because he didn't dare. Even looking was too much, and
Eggsy flushed with shame as he realized Harry was looking back, that Harry had
to know why Eggsy was looking... but Harry might not send him away for
something so small. A touch, however, might shatter everything.
Just when he forced himself to look away, he felt something brush against his
cheek. When Eggsy looked back, there was Harry, who'd closed the distance
between them, bent down on one knee to bring him to Eggsy's height, staring
into Eggsy's face like he could read the boy as well as if he'd had lines
printed across his forehead. Harry's other hand reached up until he had one on
either side of Eggsy's face. And then Harry smiled. The fingers at Eggsy's
temple brushed lightly against his hair. Harry leaned in. Eggsy nearly stopped
breathing. But then Harry lifted his chin and pressed a kiss to Eggsy's temple
before he brought the boy into his arms, holding him tight and sighing softly.
Eggsy's heart wouldn't stop racing. He felt certain Harry must be able to feel
it, fluttering like a bird whose cage had just been shaken. This wasn't what
he'd wanted - Eggsy wasn't certain what he wanted, exactly - but this was good
too. This was close, so much closer than before, and safe, and Eggsy wanted
this too. He reciprocated Harry's embrace, and part of him noted just how
different they were: Harry felt so big, and full of hard muscle, and Harry
didn't struggle at all to enfold Eggsy smaller, softer body in his arms.
He felt a breath of air against his neck before Harry spoke. "I'm sorry. You
just looked so alone for a moment. And I've missed you, Eggsy." Harry pulled
back again. His hands didn't move and Eggsy's blush didn't fade. Harry had to
see it. He looked at Eggsy like that, embers of heat warming in his gaze until
a beeping sounded from the stove behind him.
Harry's eyes closed. "Dinner's ready." He rose to his feet and brushed Eggsy's
cheek when he dropped his hands. "Let's get some plates."
Eggsy felt the loss of contact like a shock. The warmth where Harry's body had
been tucked around him quickly cooled, until the boy was only left with the
memory. It took a couple of seconds before Eggsy slid off the chair and went to
the cupboard to help with setting the table. The flush of color didn't leave
his cheeks, nor did his thoughts turn away. If anything, they left him with
more questions.
Eggsy had known he was getting a crush on his older friend. It hadn't even
seemed strange. Other kids at school had gotten crushes on one teacher or
another plenty of times. The difference here was that those had been silly
things, harmless because of the distance. All the kids had known their crushes
would amount to nothing. Teachers were untouchable, but Harry... was right
there, and also gay, and someone Eggsy knew and liked, not some figment of his
imagination wearing an attractive face taken from real life.
What Eggsy hadn't been expecting was how strong his feelings had grown. The
urge to do something, say something, was overwhelming, and now the boy had a
whole other set of worries. He worried about ruining it all and losing his
friend because he couldn't make his feelings go away.
Harry took out the pan while Eggsy got the plates and silverware, then Harry
dished out a portion for each of them and found some juice in the fridge,
forgoing the wine tonight. Eggsy didn't miss the way Harry smiled at him as
they carried their meal back to the table, even if Eggsy was trying not to look
too closely at the man.
They tucked in and Harry let the silence settle between them. He seemed to be
comfortable with it, perhaps even assumed Eggsy needed it, to relax and not
think about everything that had happened to lead him here, or what tomorrow
would bring.
Eggsy ate and tried to counsel himself in silence. He told himself that
everything was going to be fine. Harry would figure out what to do about the
trouble his mother was in. Things would go back to normal, maybe even better
than normal, and then maybe over time his crush would go away and wouldn't ruin
everything.
Except Eggsy didn't know if he wanted everything to go completely back to
normal, because that meant lying to Michelle again, and having to sneak around
in order to spend time with Harry. Dean might go away, possibly to jail, but
there was no guarantee that someone just as unpleasant and dangerous wouldn't
take his place.
And Eggsy didn't know if he wanted his crush to go away. He ate slowly, picking
his way through layered noodles and sauce and cheese, wondering what it might
be like if things weren't so impossible. What it would be like if Harry kissed
him on the lips, instead of his temple, and he was able to feel Harry's arms
around him all the time. What it might be like to sleep on the same bed
together, instead of just watching movies while sitting next to each other on
the sofa, and if that would mean fewer bad dreams.
Eggsy’s thoughts drifted to other things, fantasies he'd had in private, now
changing out the vague features of his partner in those daydreams with Harry's
face. He nearly choked on his bite of lasagna, but the rush of heat through him
confirmed what he'd suspected and feared: his crush was worse now than it had
ever been before.
"Alright there, Eggsy?" Harry asked from across the table, and if Eggsy wasn't
completely mistaken, there was a wry smile at the corner of his mouth. He felt
Harry's foot brush against his under the table. Just to make sure he had
Eggsy's attention. Surely. Harry sank his fork into another steaming slice of
noodles and cheese and brought it to his mouth. Eggsy got the sense the man
knew he was being watched, but it didn't...seem to bother Harry. He looked
anything but self-conscious as he chewed slowly, savouring the meal.
"Yeah, I just... um, I swallowed wrong, is all." Eggsy reached for his glass,
drinking to go along with the excuse. Now that he'd thought of something more
than just how much he liked his friend, how attractive he was... Eggsy found he
couldn't stop that particular train of thought. The boy tried to keep his eyes
down on his plate, sneaking glances every once in a while, but he was
remembering all the times he'd seen Harry in tailored clothing.
It still left quite a lot to the imagination, but between how well Harry's
clothing fit him and what Eggsy remembered from his mother's old magazines and
the book Harry had bought him, Eggsy's mind did its best to fill in the gaps.
"Um... Harry?" The boy's voice didn't stay quite as level as he'd wanted, but
there was no helping that. Harry glanced up and Eggsy nearly lost his nerve.
"Can I... use your shower, before bed? I, um... was hiding in the dirt in
someone's garden when I got snagged, so... It'd just be nice to wash off a
bit."
Harry's smile widened. "Of course. Shower's on the second floor bathroom. I'll
show you where everything is. I don't suppose I have any pajamas that would fit
you, but maybe we can find something to improvise with." Crinkles formed at the
edges of Harry's eyes and he didn't look at all put-upon. He drained the rest
of his glass and put down his fork, plate clean. "I suppose you'll be missing
another day of school tomorrow since we have to go to the court house and I'd
like to transfer you back here, regardless. Don't get too comfortable with your
vacation." There was definitely a note of teasing in that last bit.
Eggsy groaned, but it was good natured. "I know, I know. I gotta go back
eventually. I just don't wanna think about it now, ok?" The boy was convinced
that a few days off wouldn't make much difference. He would have been too upset
to have paid attention in class anyways, thinking about his mother and his home
life and what was to become of him. "Just... show me the shower, and where I'm
gonna be sleeping, and I'll worry about everything tomorrow."
Harry laughed and rose from the table. "Let me clear this, then. Grab your
backpack and we'll go upstairs." He took their empty plates back to the sink
and washed up quickly, putting them away in the dishwasher while Eggsy found
his few belongings. He found Harry wiping his hands with a towel and waiting
for him in the hall before the man reached out and touched his shoulder, again
leading him along. This time up the staircase, where Eggsy had never been
before. It was laid out much like the floor below, Eggsy found, but the rooms
here were divided. One was clearly the bathroom, and three others, all dark.
"Your room will be through here." Harry moved to turn on the light inside the
first, beckoning Eggsy in with him. With the light on, Eggsy saw that it was
indeed a guest room, picture perfect in shades of blue and cream and a bed
bigger than one Eggsy had ever slept on. A cherry stained dresser and tables
adorned the rest of the room, along with curtains to match the bedspread.
"You can put your things in the dresser if you like. Make yourself at home."
Harry was smiling down at Eggsy when he looked up at the man.
Eggsy inexplicably felt shy all over again. There was no reason for it; Harry
had never been anything but welcoming and supportive, and the older man knew
nothing about his feelings, but Eggsy still felt overwhelmed. Staying with
Harry felt like being treated to a luxury suite. "Thanks. I hope you don't, um,
mind me staying. I just, it'll be nice to have a bed again." The more Harry's
gaze lingered on him, the more self-conscious and awkward Eggsy felt. He kept
remembering the moment when he'd though Harry was going to kiss him for real,
only to have that thwarted.
Harry's hand brushed down his shoulder. "I don't mind at all, Eggsy." And Harry
said it with such assuredness that it was hard to think that there could be a
catch to that kind of certainty. "Put your bag down and I'll show you the
rest."
Eggsy did as he was told before Harry's hand led him back into the hall.
"Here's the den, where I work on occasion." Eggsy caught a glimpse of a high
window in the back, possibly even a balcony, and curiously, what looked like
neatly arranged newspaper pages lining the walls before Harry moved on to a
door at the other side of the hall. "This is my bedroom. You can knock whenever
you need me. Don't be shy," he added with a half smile as he pushed back the
door and turned on the light. It resembled the guest room surprisingly well,
only slightly larger and slightly less tidy, swathed in shades of green and
dark, rich furniture. "Come, let's see if we can find you some pajamas...."
Harry went to the long dresser and rummaged through a few drawers.
Eggsy followed slowly, more than a bit wide-eyed. There was nothing scandalous
to see, but there was still something about being invited into someone else's
bedroom. Eggsy looked everywhere searching for anything that struck him as
particular to his friend's personality, but it looked like any other bedroom.
Generic, even, as if Harry wasn't home often enough for it to take on a
personal character beyond the slight mess.
A low hum caught the boy's attention, and when he turned Harry was holding up a
pair of satin striped pyjamas. They still looked far, far too big for him, but
the bottoms had drawstrings, which was enough to ensure that they wouldn't
slide off at the least.
"This might do. The shirt will be very large indeed, but you can roll up the
legs." Harry offered them to Eggsy and didn't look like he was going to take no
for an answer, brushing his free hand against Eggsy's back as he took them.
They were every bit as soft and as smooth as they looked. Harry's eyes sparked
as he watched Eggsy run a hand over them, and the man was giving him that half
smile again before Harry turned and led Eggsy back out to the hall.
"And here you'll find the bathroom. Towels are in this cabinet, put them in the
hamper when you're done. I believe I might even have....ah yes, an extra
toothbrush." Harry plucked an unopened package out of the cupboard and laid it
on the sink. "Toothpaste and soap you'll find there as well. Hot water and cold
water," Harry indicated the handles, "Shampoo and conditioner. And anything
else I've forgotten, you need only ask."
"Alright." Harry lingered for a moment longer than necessary, sparking all
sorts of confused thoughts in Eggsy's mind, but then he gave one last smile and
retreated, pulling the bathroom door shut behind him. Eggsy carded a hand
through his hair, wondering if Harry really had been touching him more than
usual or if that was just wishful thinking on his part. It was difficult to
remember, more so because of how long it had been since he'd seen his friend
and how he could remember Harry touching him before.
Eggsy took a deep breath, and his shoulders slumped as he let it all out. Only
moments later he was pulling his clothing off and dumping it all on the floor.
Goosebumps rose on his skin, but the chill wouldn't be for long. Eggsy bent
over the edge of the tub and worked the faucets like Harry had indicated, and
soon enough he was stepping under a warm spray of water.
Across the hall, Harry gave up all pretence of composure and scrambled into the
den, twisting the door shut behind him and vaulting himself behind the desk. He
unlocked the computer with a few strokes of the keys and waited for it to come
to life. As soon as it did, he got a perfect, wide angle view from inside his
own bathroom, nestled into the corner of the wall, omniscient and unseen, and
there at the very centre of it, was Eggsy, stark naked, head tipped back, mouth
open, reddened with the heat, and eyes shut against the pleasure of the hot
water running over his face and shoulders.
Harry sighed, swallowed, and leaned forward to watch.
For Eggsy, Dinner had been torture. Unable to chase the thoughts from his head
and not helped by how close Harry had been, or the small touches that just made
him more aware of their lack, Eggsy's body was in overdrive. He buried his
fingers in his hair and bit his lower lip, feeling guilty for just a moment
about lusting after his friend, but no longer than that. Harry would never
know.
Eggsy peeked at the bathroom door around the edge of the curtain, making sure
it was closed and listening for any signs of creaking floorboards that might
betray a presence outside the room. When the coast looked clear, the boy didn't
bother holding back. His fingers wrapped around the small cock protruding stiff
between his legs and his eyes fluttered closed.
One room over, Harry let out a shuddering breath. Quickly, he unbuckled his
belt and unzipped his trousers, shoving one hand in and wrapping it around his
own cock with a quiet whimper as he watched Eggsy stroke himself.
Harry had been worked up for so long now. Sometime around the car ride was when
the feeling began to consume him, stirring low in his gut every time he looked
over and saw Eggsy's adoringly clear eyes taking him in. Eggsy looked at him
like Harry was his world. Like the only thing that mattered in the world was
Harry. Like Harry was his last saving grace, and indeed Harry knew he was. It
didn't diminish the appeal. It heightened Harry's arousal. He'd saved this boy.
This beautiful boy whose body was arching into the water, into his fingers as
they stroked over his short length, who had one small hand pressed to the side
of the shower, holding him up. Eggsy had his feet braced against either side so
he wouldn't slip. Harry's shower wasn't small and the stance was wider on a
child, giving him the perfect view of slim legs that weren't yet too coltish
and an arse that looked so soft.... Harry groaned and closed his eyes for a
brief moment, squeezing himself and nearly coming on the spot. He'd saved this
boy. He'd put this boy in danger, had turned his life upside down and then
plucked him out of it like the very hand of God. And knowing that was a rush so
heady Harry could feel it down to his bones.
Eggsy was still new to sexuality. His hand motions were explorative, rather
than practiced. The boy licked his lips and turned his head, listening again to
make sure no one was outside the bathroom door. He knew enough to know that
taking too long was suspicious, but he didn't have a good way of telling how
long he'd been in the shower. Time slipped away from him once he got lost in
fantasy and sensation.
With only a slightly guilty expression, Eggsy closed his eyes again and leaned
back against the tiles. It was easily enough to recall how Harry had looked
earlier, soft and warm and focused. Easy enough to pretend that he'd stayed
with him in the bathroom instead of merely showing him to the room and leaving.
Eggsy had never been kissed, but he'd imagine it would feel soft. The
fingertips of his free hand reached up to touch his mouth, and his other hand
sped up.
A few seconds of that particular fantasy was all it took. Eggsy felt the
muscles in his legs and abdomen tighten and a feeling of euphoria washed over
him, parting his lips.
Harry's fingertips touched the screen, sliding over Eggsy's mouth. Harry felt
his own mouth fall open in sympathy, his breath coming quick, his hand jerking
even faster. He wanted to look at Eggsy that way forever. He could see the
boy's lips tremble. He wanted that moment to last, before Eggsy even opened his
eyes. Harry squeezed and jerked his hand harder, hips snapping forward, sliding
in the seat and just barely managing to grab a tissue before he came, the
height of his arousal so strong that it didn't lessen his euphoria even as he
grit his teeth and held as still as his body would allow, almost shaking in his
own hand.
Harry came down gasping. He had to recover quickly. Faster than he would have
liked. There was no telling what Eggsy would think if he came out of the shower
to find Harry missing and the door to his office locked.
Harry cleaned and straightened himself, allowing only time for a lingering
glance to the monitors before he closed the feed and locked the computer to its
screen saver. He cracked the door to the balcony open to clear his head and
diminish the heat from his complexion.
Harry had a few minutes to work with. Eggsy was slow to dry off, likely taking
the same amount of time to catch his breath and school his expression back into
something neutral. The way he'd kept glancing at Harry for the duration of
their dinner together left little doubt about what, or rather who, he'd been
thinking of.
When the door to the bathroom creaked open, Eggsy was dressed in the pyjamas
Harry had given him. As expected, they were far too large for his frame; the
drawstring pants were baggy, he’d rolled the cuffs up several turns, and the
top hung off his shoulders, giving more than a teasing peek at Eggsy’s
collarbone.
Harry came to the doorway as though he'd simply been sitting inside, tidying up
or working at the computer perhaps. "Ah, don't you look like a proper gentleman
now? All you need is a smoking jacket and a pipe." Eggsy looked up at him from
beneath a mop of wet hair and damp brows and Harry could see the colour rise
back into his cheeks. Eggsy was a sight like that. The water seemed to soften
him somehow and the silk hugged his shoulders and legs when he bent a knee,
moulding to every part of him it hung from. "How do you feel?"
"Not like a gentleman." Eggsy looked down, then started rolling up his sleeves
since he couldn't see his fingers. "Just tired, I suppose, but less dirty. And
glad I don't have to go back to Aunt Sue's house. I don't have to, right?"
Insecurity struck again; Harry seemed powerful, and he'd gotten Eggsy out of
the police station just fine, but Eggsy didn't know how the legal system really
worked. For all he knew, his aunt might have the power to get him taken back
and then dumped with a foster family.
"No, Eggsy, you don't have to. I'll make sure of that," Harry promised. He
reached out to touch Eggsy's shoulder, comforting. The pajamas over Eggsy’s
skin were softer than Harry had ever felt them. They shared a moment like that,
with Harry's half smile and Eggsy's burgeoning trust showing in his eyes. "We
ought to get you to bed, then," Harry finally said. "You can sleep in and we
can go and work out the details. But whatever happens, if you can't go home
with your mother, then you're staying with me." With a touch, Harry directed
Eggsy to the guest room, turned on the bedside lamp, and drew back the covers
for him.
Eggsy scooted into the space left between the sheets, self-conscious all over
again and averting his gaze, but not for long. Tucking the boy in required
Harry to bend over him, and Eggsy drank in the sight. He got hopeful for a
split second, but then Harry pulled the covers back up over him and smoothed
the boy's hair back over his forehead. The gesture was familiar, but more
parental than anything, and not what Eggsy had wanted. "Good. I don't want to
go back to my aunt, or some strangers. Even if they're nice strangers. I mean,
you were a stranger once too," he pointed out. "But I don't want to live with
someone else."
Harry gave Eggsy a familiar half smile. "Good," he repeated after the boy.
Harry lingered, he couldn't help it. "I'll see you in the morning, then. And if
you need anything, anything at all, just come and knock." He watched Eggsy nod
even as the boy's eyes drank him in. It felt just as intimate as Eggsy's small
form felt beneath the thick blankets under Harry's hands. Reluctantly, Harry
straightened and went to the door. "I'll leave this open just a crack."
The lights clicked off, but a sliver of illumination remained, slipping through
the crack in the door. Eggsy listened to Harry's footsteps retreat down the
hall. He turned sideways and clutched at his pillow.
He was here. He was in Harry's house, in his pyjamas. Even that was a novelty,
just wearing something the other man had worn and trying to imagine how much
bigger he was, whether he wore anything undernea-
Eggsy shut off that line of thinking, almost groaning as he felt a twitch of
interest again. He wasn't going to survive if he kept thinking of his friend in
that way. Harry was only interested in him as a friend, and anything else was
just... wishful thinking, Eggsy knew. He wanted to keep that friendship, and if
he wasn't allowed to go back home to his mother, there was no one he'd rather
live with than his friend.
Eggsy settled down and tried not to think about what excuses he could come up
with to go knocking on Harry's door, just to see.
***** Chapter 8 *****
When Eggsy awoke the next morning, it was to a warm swath of sunlight pouring
in through the windows of an unfamiliar room. The unmistakable aroma of
breakfast filtered through the air and distantly he could hear the sizzle of a
frying pan from the floor below. He was in Harry's house. And Harry had woken
early to make breakfast.
Among other things.
Eggsy stretched and rolled out of bed, padding across the floor on bare feet.
The bathroom was his first brief pit stop, relieving himself and trying in vain
to flatten down his sleep-mussed hair. Then he was descending the stairs into
the kitchen, all too-long sleeves and pant legs, his top nearly hanging off of
one shoulder.
Mr. Pickle was tucked close to Harry's leg, tail wagging furiously as he gazed
upwards in hope of a dropped morsel. The smell of fried eggs and sausage filled
the air, and when Eggsy got up on his tip-toes, he spotted tomatoes and
mushrooms as well. "Mornin', 'arry." The boy scooted closer, encouraged by the
way Harry turned and smiled at him - particularly the way he lingered for just
a second. "I don't think anyone's ever done me a fry-up before. Not that I can
remember, anyway."
"Is that so?" Harry asked, raising a brow. "I'll be happy to be your first."
Harry let his smile widen, and before Eggsy could react Harry lifted a bowl
over the boy's head. "Hand me a spatula, would you? In that drawer right there
beside you, then come over here."
It was difficult for Harry not to feel...cheerful this morning. He'd woken with
the knowledge that just in the other room, fast asleep, was little Eggsy Unwin,
the object of his fascination, his obsession, his.... He didn't rightly know
how to define it in a word. There were none that fit, but whatever name it may
choose to take, it sent his blood racing and had him out of bed without a
moment's more longing for sleep. And now he wanted Eggsy to enjoy this morning.
Not in part for his own selfish reasons, as the boy would have to be steadfast
in his desire to stay with Harry in merely a few hours.
Harry had known the boy would be tired and he took the opportunity to wrap up
his work from home and inform Merlin and Arthur that he would be taking the
rest of the day to himself. He then informed Merlin precisely why he was taking
a personal day. Today was the day he'd been waiting for all week, and he would
need to pull just a few more strings to see it work out in his favour.
Eggsy dug around in the drawer Harry had indicated, locating the spatula in the
midst of a number of tools he wouldn't have been able to name if he'd tried.
Harry set the bowl on the countertop and Eggsy had to get up on the balls of
his feet again, rolling his sleeves up as he looked. "What's this for? And how
come you're up so early? Do you always get up this early?" Part of Eggsy hoped
that Harry would say no. If he did, that meant it was special, that it was for
him. Harry was one of the few people that did do things just for him, and the
boy was hungry for any signs he could get that he was special to Harry, and not
just a regular friend.
"When I have work, I do." Harry took the spatula, but didn't let Eggsy move
away. Instead, he trapped the boy with one arm holding the frying pan and the
other over Eggsy's shoulder to hold the tool and when Eggsy was forced to look
up at him, Harry simply smiled down. "Would you like to flip the eggs? Hold
this." It was a little difficult for Eggsy to reach, but Harry slid his hand
around the boy's and led the motion with a sure grip, scooping up and flipping
the eggs while he dumped the bowl of mushrooms and tomatoes over the pan with
the other hand. Eggsy still smelled like shampoo from the night before.
Specifically, he smelled like Harry's shampoo, and it was all the more
tantalizing.
Eggsy was, very suddenly, wide awake indeed. He didn't understand why, other
than his friend's closeness and being trapped against his side, until his brain
finished processing what it had fixed upon. Harry still had his hand draped
atop Eggsy's own, the boy's palm wrapped around the spatula shaft, distributing
the vegetables in the pan and flipping them over when one side was done.
Eggsy's mind substituted something very different for the tool he was clutching
and, abruptly, he went beet red - something that was happening with greater
frequency as of late. "Am I? Um, work?"
Harry laughed as though the question were ridiculous. "Do I look as though I
think this is work?" Harry bent to catch Eggsy's eye. "I'd at least have put on
a tie." This was the most dressed down Eggsy had ever seen Harry, point in
fact, with cotton pajamas and velvet loafers only peeking out beneath a full
red robe. Its thickness did wonders for the way Harry could brush against Eggsy
in this position, seemingly innocently and ever so lightly, without fear of
distraction. When Harry set down the spatula, he squeezed Eggsy's shoulder.
"And I'd be hard pressed to remember the last time I made anyone breakfast. So
count yourself lucky and grab us some plates, yes?"
Eggsy's answering smile was radiant. For a split-second, the boy rocked closer
just a little, but then he turned to walk towards the kitchen table. Eggsy
lifted one of the chairs and brought it over, struggling to stand up on the
seat with his too-long pyjama bottoms interfering, and finally managed to get
of a height with the upper cabinets. Plates were retrieved and set down on the
countertop, and Eggsy returned the borrowed chair to its original position.
Harry let the boy see him smile as he dished out steaming portions of egg and
vegetables for each of them, followed by glasses of orange juice that he
brought to the table. Harry slid into his chair and Eggsy followed with a
familiarity Harry was pleased to note. He watched Eggsy dig into his plate
without hesitation, like he hadn't gotten enough the night prior, and Harry
couldn't help the way his attention lingered on Eggsy's mouth opening wide
around his fork like that. Or the way the boy's eyes blinked, heavy with
pleasure.
"Did you sleep well last night?" Harry asked.
"Yeah. I know it hasn't been all that long, but I still felt like I'd forgotten
what sleeping on a bed was like," Eggsy mumbled around a mouthful of egg. He
took a bite of sausage afterwards, which was an odd sort of distraction,
watching Eggsy's lips close around it only to bite off the end and ruin the
fantasy. "It was more comfy than the one back home, too. Way bigger. The flat's
not that big, so my room can only fit this skinny little thing. Barely fits me
on it."
Harry gave the boy an indulgent smile. "I think this one could fit quite a lot
more than you." Eggsy looked like he was going to be swallowed up in it last
night. He could have sunk right into the pillows and blankets, never to be seen
again. Harry found the notion strangely endearing. He speared one of his own
sausages and dipped it in syrup, vaguely wondering what Eggsy would taste like
instead. Harry doubted he'd even need the syrup. "We'll be going in to meet
with your aunt in a couple hours. I've also requested your mother be there. I
know she's been denied custody of you, temporarily, but I believe this is
something she should know about, nevertheless." When Eggsy looked up at him,
Harry made sure the boy saw his sincerity. "She's not going to be happy,
but...regardless, I'd rather she know you're somewhere safe."
Eggsy wasn't reassured. Immediately, the warm calm of the morning was pierced
with an icy prickling of fear. Harry could see it light up the boy's eyes. His
hand paused in the middle of spearing another bit of egg, the tines hovering
just above his plate as Eggsy's train of thought ground to a halt and switched
tracks. "But... she was so angry, last time. She didn't even want me to see or
talk to you again, what... wh-what if she says I have to go to some foster
thing like Aunt Sue wants? Just because she doesn't like you?"
"Then I'll fight it. And I guarantee you that I'll win," Harry added with cold
certainty. "There's no avoiding it. I would rather face her and risk her anger
than have her find out from your aunt. Not that I doubt she will be any less
angry. Still.... I'd rather speak face to face." Harry sipped his orange juice
and watched Eggsy take it all in. The idea that he was going to see his mother
only to be kept a distance still was probably jarring. As well as the
likelihood that she would be incredibly upset about the whole thing. She would
have no idea what had happened to her son in the nearly two weeks he'd been
gone, only that he'd spent the time with Susan.
Eggsy looked down at his plate. Everything still looked delicious, and he
wasn't full yet... but suddenly, he was no longer hungry. He picked at his
veggies, unhappy with the thought of how upset his mother was going to be and
equally upset at the thought of having to go back to living with his aunt. Or
with strangers. "I don't want her to be mad," Eggsy finally murmured. "But I
don't want to go live with strangers. Or be stuck at that stupid school. Or
sleep on a couch. I want to stay here with you until I can go home."
"And you will," Harry reassured. "She would be upset with Susan for trying to
involve a foster home anyhow, but regardless of how either of them feel, this
is the best place for you for the time being." Harry laid his fork beside his
plate and fixed his gaze on Eggsy, on the boy's gloomy expression, his slumped
shoulders, his bed-mussed hair. "We'll be through it soon enough. Just this
last stretch. Whatever happens, I will not see you go somewhere that makes you
unhappy."
A small bit of hope crept back into Eggsy's features. He wasn't going to enjoy
the day, he knew - with the way his mother was going to get upset, it was
guaranteed that he was going to feel guilty and sad about her distress - but
Harry had always pulled through for him before. He'd kept his promises. He'd
tackled hard topics and situations when Eggsy was feeling overwhelmed. He'd
stayed supportive. Harry had even gotten him out of the police station without
a fuss.
Eggsy gave Harry a smile that was fragile, but full of trust. "You promise?"
"Absolutely." Harry felt his own mouth curve in return. It felt like a promise,
in a way that Harry hadn't made promises in years, both of them leaning ever so
slightly toward each other, Eggsy searching his eyes and offering his well-
being up to Harry in doing so. Putting himself in Harry's hands. It felt
wonderful. To take this boy's trust. To protect him. To make him Harry's to
protect. This was one of the first steps Eggsy would take to offer himself.
Harry let his smile widen just a little more. "Now, finish your breakfast.
You'll need it before the day is through."
Eggsy poked at the food on his plate, still worried, but he managed to get most
of his remaining breakfast down. Harry's cooking was too good to pass up, still
centered in his mind as a treat he didn't get to have very often. The impending
fight with his mother - and it was going to be a fight, Eggsy was sure of that
- weighed heavily on his mind, but Harry's promise was wrapped like a blanket
around him. Things were going to be alright. Whatever happened, it wasn't going
to be one of Eggsy's worst fears. He wouldn't get sent away, and he would be
able to see his mother again at some point. Maybe Harry would even help with
that, to get his mother's name cleared and get the court to let him see her
again.
Eggsy perked up at the thought. If anything would change his mother's mind
about Harry, maybe that would.
They finished eating quietly. It was nice to see Eggsy coming around, Harry
thought. The boy relaxed by degrees until Harry cleared their plates away.
"Time to get ready, I believe." Harry patted Eggsy on the shoulder, enjoying
the feel of the soft silk above equally soft skin. "And we'll make sure to get
you another set of clothes before the day is through. Otherwise I'm going to be
running the laundry more often than I care to." Hopefully Susan would remember
the few items of clothing and other things she'd bought Eggsy during his stay
with her. Michelle, he hadn't been able to ask, nor would she have offered even
if he had.
Eggsy ran back up the stairs to get dressed. He didn't mind so much about
putting on the same clothes again, but for the fact that they were a bit dirt-
stained from his adventures and he needed fresh underwear. Tolerating one more
day wouldn't be that bad.
After a quick trip to the bathroom to wash his face and flatten down his hair,
Eggsy surveyed the results in the mirror. It would have to do. He didn't have
anything else to change into. Hopefully, whoever they'd have to talk to
wouldn't decide that him looking a bit messy and dirty meant that Harry was
worse for him than his aunt and her plans to ship him off somewhere else.
Harry's door was shut when Eggsy went back out into the hall. Faint sounds of
movement came from within.
Inside, Harry dressed in front of a standing mirror. His trousers were pressed
and crisp, belt gleaming beneath the starched shirt he did up button after
button before tucking it into his waistband. He watched his reflection with
careful consideration, but as usual, Harry's attention lingered on Eggsy. Harry
dressed for occasions. He dressed to fill roles. His tie was a broad brush
stroke. His cuff links were flecks of paint, standing out in sharp detail. It
all came together as though he were painting. Not a second skin, for it was
very much him, but deliberate all the same. Eggsy would like it, he knew. And
so would the court.
Harry emerged and came down the stairs ten minutes later, as polished as Eggsy
had ever seen him.
Harry got the pleasure of watching the boy's eyes dilate. Eggsy thought he was
being discreet, looking him over quickly. To someone whose work hinged on
reading human behavior just as much as the words that were said and unsaid,
Eggsy might as well have voiced his thoughts. His crush hadn't abated, and he
didn't know how to act around Harry, who was becoming a surrogate father and
mentor, a friend, and secretly something more than a friend in the back of the
boy's mind.
Eggsy's tongue darted out to wet his lips, an automatic reflex that he wasn't
even aware of. He smiled and walked closer. "Perks of being a tailor, huh? You
get to dress however you want?"
Harry let the satisfaction show on his face, descending the few more steps.
"Perhaps not 'however' I want, but yes. There are definitely perks and this is
one of them." He stood before Eggsy and let the boy take him in, even if Eggsy
was trying to pretend he wasn't going to. It was incredibly arousing, being
looked at in such a way by such a boy as Eggsy. Eggsy wasn't even aware of how
good he could look, himself. It wouldn't be long now, Harry knew. Hoped. If
Harry had his way, Eggsy would notice himself in the mirror more often. He
would imagine how he looked standing beside Harry. ...he would imagine how he
might look under Harry's hands. Harry certainly did.
Harry felt his smile curl and held one hand out to Eggsy, palm up. "Shall we be
on our way?"
A smile split Eggsy's face, his worries momentarily forgotten. His fingers
curled eagerly around Harry's. Right then, he just felt like he was off to have
another adventure with his friend, not that he was about to face his aunt and
mother while they argued about his future. "Yeah. Let's go."
Harry led the boy out to the car and they settled in. Traffic wasn't quite so
bad near Kensington, but they had to drive all the way to Camden to reach the
proper courthouse. Traffic increased the closer they got to the hub of council-
run government services and clusters of businesses, all of which gave Eggsy
more time to brood as he stared out the window.
Harry, by contrast, remained outwardly calm. Inwardly, he was ready to go into
battle. He'd made a call to Merlin that morning, had made sure certain strings
could be pulled if he needed them. He expected he would. If he didn't, it would
be fortunate, but Harry intended to win.
The courthouse was no more or less intimidating than many other ageing
buildings in Eggsy's neighbourhood, but when Harry looked over at the boy after
they'd parked, he looked paler than usual. Harry reached over and rested his
palm over Eggsy's hand, getting the boy's attention. "I promise, remember?"
Harry reminded him with a certainty only he could possess in this situation.
Eggsy's worried expression didn't dissipate, but his hand turned to grab onto
Harry's. They shared a moment of silence, and then Harry unlocked the doors and
they both got out. Eggsy waited for Harry to come around to the other side of
the car and they walked together towards the entrance.
Eggsy had no idea what a courtroom was supposed to look like, outside of what
he'd seen in movies and dramatic shows on the telly. Reality was different, but
no less intimidating for the lack of large vaulted ceilings, ornate lighting,
and scowling adults in robes and uniforms. It looked like any other government
building, complete with signs of wear that indicated budget cuts had resulted
in skimps on maintenance and aesthetics. Eggsy looked at all the posted signs
but couldn't make heads or tails of where they were supposed to go.
Harry led him instead to an office window and gave the receptionist their names
and that of a judge Eggsy assumed he must have gotten from the police the night
prior. Or perhaps that morning. The man gave Harry a form to fill out and then
indicated the way down the hall.
They were early, and they would probably have to wait to be heard, for the room
was already in use when they found it. The attendant waiting beside the door
motioned for them to have a seat at the benches lining the halls while they
waited. Clerks and other members of the general public passed as they sat,
Harry keeping Eggsy close all the while. Another couple took seats across from
them with paperwork of their own, waiting for their own appointment probably.
It was Susan who arrived first, her heels clicking down the hall, turning
Eggsy's head at the familiar sound. She spotted him when he spotted her. She
was dressed for court, her hair immaculate and her clothing tasteful, but she
held a harried air about her as she looked between Eggsy and the strange, well
dressed man beside him.
Harry rose first and broke the silence, offering her his hand. "You must be
Susan," he said pleasantly enough.
She took it by reflex. "Yes. I. Who are you?"
"He's... a friend of my dad's," Eggsy piped up. He'd been about to say his
friend, but Eggsy knew from experience that adults didn't think his friendships
were very important. Friendships between adults mattered to them. "Helped me
out before, when... um. Did mum tell you about Dean? That he hit her? Harry
came and got me when she was in the hospital and talkin' to the police, so I
wasn't out on the street all night."
Susan blinked at him. "Oh." She obviously hadn't been aware of Harry's
existence, which was just as well for Harry. She looked like she was trying to
think of something polite to say when another voice sounded behind them, this
time from a woman Eggsy had never seen before.
"Good morning, Susan," she said, her voice rich. She had on trousers and a grey
blazer, tasteful and professional, with dark hair and a wide, expressive face.
But most of all she seemed acquainted with the situation. "So I see we're
almost all here. And you must be Eggsy." She smiled at him comfortably, someone
who was used to working with kids, before her attention turned to Harry. "I
don't believe we've met either. I'm Rhonda. I've been assigned to help with
Gary's case through the local authority's office."
"Ah, very good then. My name is Harry Hart. I was a friend of Eggsy's father
before he died." Harry greeted her just as politely, shaking her hand as well.
Eggsy watched the exchange with no small measure of wariness. He no longer
trusted his aunt, after she'd tried to sneakily get rid of him without him
knowing about it or having any say. He didn't know that he trusted this Rhonda
either. She had the shallow smile that people often used around kids, and she'd
called him Gary. Eggsy hated being called Gary, and he didn't like adults who
patted him on the head and thought he was too young and stupid to understand
things.
The boy finally got up from his seat and drew closer. He tucked his hand in
Harry's and his mouth took on a stubborn line. Eggsy didn't care what his aunt
Susan thought about anything anymore. Besides, being closer to Harry made him
feel better.
Harry welcomed it, pulling Eggsy up to his side as though it were commonplace.
Just then the high doors of the courtroom opened and the attendant called them
forward. Michelle was still nowhere to be seen.
Harry squeezed Eggsy's hand and with a courteous nod to the others, ushered
them all inside.
The room was...old. Perhaps it could have lived up to Eggsy's expectations once
upon a time in its history, but age had dulled it. And so did the casual air of
the attendants and clerks they'd seen so far. Even what must have been the
judge, sitting at a much smaller and lower desk than Eggsy would have expected,
an older woman with short hair, coloured a shade darker that the usual for her
skin tone, ushered them forward with no large amount of gravity.
She introduced herself as Judge Carol Longfellow and read off a short summation
of what they would be considering that morning, namely, that one Mr. Harry Hart
had proposed to the court's attention an alternative option for placement of
one young Gary Unwin. To which Harry responded in the affirmative.
"It came to my attention yesterday that Eggsy had been staying with his aunt
for some time and that she had been having difficulty providing the care he
needed, switching schools, living in household without a second bedroom,
increasingly common arguments...." Susan looked somewhat ashamed at that, but
not like she was about to argue. "When I inquired, they told me Susan was
potentially seeking the help of a foster carer, one who would unfortunately be
unknown to Eggsy as he has very little family left to rely on." Susan and
Rhonda were both watching Harry now. Rhonda must have suspected what Harry's
proposal was going to amount to, but her attention was rapt all the same.
"Having worked with and been a friend of the boy's father, Lee Unwin, before he
died three years ago, and having come to know Eggsy much better in recent
months past, I would like to propose that he be allowed to stay with me until
this business with his mother's custody is settled."
Eggsy watched the procedure with wide eyes. He didn't know if he was allowed to
speak or not. He didn't know if speaking up would ruin things. All he could do
was cling to Harry's hand and take some comfort in sitting beside him.
Judge Longfellow's glasses slid a bit further down her nose as she prompted
Rhonda to hand over the appropriate files. Silence fell as she glanced through
what Rhonda had already seen: the application for a care order to assess and
place Eggsy with another family or guardian, the restraint against returning
him to his mother pending criminal investigations, charges, and a trial, and a
short summary of monetary records and government assistance that had been
received. "Certainly, it's preferable to place a child with a friend of the
family or someone else the child knows, if no relative is able to provide
suitable care. Are you familiar with the accompanying responsibilities and
requirements, should this court decide to place Mr. Unwin in your care? The
court will require that you submit your financial records and agree to a
criminal background check. You must demonstrate that Mr. Unwin's education will
not be disrupted. A care worker will be appointed to check on Mr. Unwin's
status and well-being. If the care worker has concerns, this case may be
reassessed and Mr. Unwin may be placed elsewhere."
Harry was just about to speak when the door behind them opened again and quick
footsteps sounded down the short walk. Everyone turned to see a very startled
Michelle, hair flying out behind her. Her eyes caught on her son first and
Harry second, and the play of emotions over her face was just as visible as it
was rapid. She went from brief relief to shock in fractions of a second.
"What is he doing here?" Michelle couldn't help raising her voice, coming to
stand before the judge, but keeping a good amount of space between herself and
Harry.
Harry simply raised his brows. "I invited you."
The look of fury that came over her was instantaneous, but before she could
speak up again, the judge interrupted her. "Mrs. Unwin, I presume?"
As Harry had hoped, Eggsy shrank in on himself as soon as Michelle entered the
room and became visibly upset. The boy could be headstrong and bold, but not
when it came to his mother - not yet. Eggsy's reaction didn't go unnoticed.
Both Judge Longfellow and Rhonda glanced at the way his shoulders drooped and
how he instinctively leaned closer to the man at his side. The very same man
who was pressing for custody.
When Michelle confirmed her identity, the judge cleared her throat. "Mrs.
Unwin, please have a seat over there. I have to remind you at this time that
the restraining order is still in effect. I understand that this is an
emotional situation, but you will still have to keep the minimum distance
during these proceedings."
"I've got a right to have a say in this matter, don't I?" Michelle closed her
mouth. Her hands shook, but she remained where she was.
The judge leaned forward and fixed her with a stare. "Is there any reason you
can give me why I should not allow your son to be placed with Mr. Hart?" Her
tone was as serious as her face, and it was clear that she was well practised
in heated confrontations.
Michelle, however, was not. Her shock and her fury had nowhere to go, and she
visibly stumbled over her words, trying to put into a few sentences just how
she felt about accepting help from Harry Hart.
"If I may," Harry cleared his throat. "I was the one who gave her the news when
Lee died. Due to the circumstances of his death and the secrecy of the division
within the government he worked for, I was unable to reveal to her the details.
We have...never been on good terms since."
Michelle's lip quivered. She looked like she was about to scream at Harry.
"Mrs. Unwin, please, take a seat," the judge reiterated. That time, she went,
slowly and with shoulders rigid before she sat down at the seats placed at the
sides of the room.
The judge began by asking Susan about her experiences, the difficulties in
suddenly having the responsibility for caring for Eggsy and the way he had to
transfer to another school. Eggsy barely restrained himself from speaking up
when the subject got to the fights they'd had, and her distress over the lack
of space in a tiny one bedroom apartment, the way Eggsy would take over the
bathroom or disappear outside against her will in order to gain a bit of
privacy and a break from being in the den, which had doubled as a bedroom.
Judge Longfellow looked to Eggsy next, much to his surprise. He hadn't thought
anyone was going to listen to what he thought about all of this. A spike of
nervousness shot through him when their eyes met and his hand clenched around
Harry's. Her stare was softer on him, but no less intimidating all the same.
"Gary, I'd like to take your feelings into consideration as well,” she began
slowly. “The goal of this hearing is to make sure you go to the best home
possible. If we were to find a foster carer for you, we'd make sure it was
someone you'd do well with. Someone you liked and who could take care of you.
Since Mr. Hart has offered, I'd like to ask you--and keep in mind that you do
not have to consider anyone's feelings when you answer; there is no right or
wrong answer here--would you like to stay with Mr. Hart or would you like us to
help you find a foster family to stay with?"
"I want to stay with Harry." Eggsy didn't hesitate in his answer. He didn't
look at his mother, and his bottom lip quivered knowing that she disapproved,
but he had to tell the truth. "I don't want to stay with strangers. I don't
care if they might be nice, I know Harry, and he knew my dad, and he's helped
me before."
Eggsy scrubbed the back of his hand across his face and looked at the judge.
Michelle had made a small, choked noise from where she sat and Eggsy felt a
pang of guilt.
The judge nodded slowly, dismissing him and turning back to Harry. "Very well
then. I'm going to place a new care order on this case that Gary Unwin be
placed with Mr. Harry Hart until the case against his mother, Michelle Unwin is
resolved. If it is determined that Mr. Unwin should not be placed back within
her care, we will hold a follow up hearing to determine further course of
action. You may now be dismissed, but Mrs. Unwin," Judge Longfellow turned her
cool stare on Eggsy's mother, "I should remind you that if you decide to take
any action against Mr. Hart without the approval of the court, it will severely
hurt your case."
The corner of Michelle's lip twitched. Eggsy had seen his mother in tears
before, but he had never seen her on the brink of them quite like this. "Yes,
your honour," she said quietly.
Harry laid a hand against Eggsy's back, curving over his shoulder, and squeezed
lightly.
Eggsy hurt. He'd fought with his mother. Sometimes he even hated her - or at
least felt like he did, temporarily, when she was strict and unfair and didn't
try to listen and understand him. Whatever problems laid between them, though,
she was still his mother, and he still loved her even when he was so angry and
upset that he wanted to climb out the window and run away for a while. He felt
like his mother's distress was his fault, even if it really wasn't. He didn't
have any say in why he couldn't go back home, and he didn't understand why she
hated Harry so much.
Eggsy wasn't choosing between Harry and home. It was a choice of Harry, or
strangers. He didn't like that Michelle was hurt but, just as with her
objections to his friends and his sexuality, he couldn't put her first if it
meant hurting himself. Eggsy leaned closer until he was settled against Harry
and just tried to breathe.
Harry held him fast as Michelle climbed slowly to her feet. Susan quietly
thanked Rhonda and turned to leave. Rhonda looked like she was waiting for
them, but Harry didn't draw Eggsy away as his mother approached.
"I uhm... I can bring some of Eggsy's things by. Or have someone drop them
off," Michelle offered quietly. The only good cheer that touched her face was
when she looked down at Eggsy. "You be good, okay? And, please, call Susan or
Rhonda if...if you need anything, okay?"
Eggsy nodded, tearing up. "Y-yeah, I will. I know I'm... I'm not supposed to
call or see you or anything until stuff's figured out, but maybe you can have
Aunt Sue call so I know how things are going? And when I get to see you again?"
Eggsy didn't understand why he wasn't allowed a phone call. It seemed just as
unfair as when Michelle had told him not to talk to Harry again, except with
this, he knew that breaking the rule might mean even more legal trouble for his
mother.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'll do that." Michelle's face crumbled a little, seeing her son
distressed as well. "We'll find a way. An' I'll see you soon, yeah?" The smile
she gave Eggsy was touched with sadness, even when he nodded. Michelle glanced
at Harry, but she turned away just as quickly. It didn't seem like she had the
fortitude to speak to him. She looked like she was almost about to go then, but
her feet wouldn't move. She glanced back to Eggsy and, in one swift motion, she
bent down to fold him in her arms. "Love you, okay? Be safe," she whispered in
his ear and held him tighter for a second before she let go and stepped back.
"Come on, Michelle," Rhonda called behind them.
Eggsy watched his mother turn and walk away. Harry placed a hand on his
shoulder, steering him back out into the hallway. The courtroom was needed for
the next case, and there was custody paperwork to be signed in the office down
the hall.
The boy made it out the door and almost to the office before he stopped,
turned, and buried his face against Harry's chest. He didn't want to cry. Boys
weren't supposed to cry, only babies cried, but everything was just so hard.
Harry, at least, didn't chastise him for it or make any comment, just returned
the embrace. Eggsy felt fingers card through his hair. The boy could smell
Harry's cologne and the familiarity and warmth, along with the touch, was
soothing enough for him to get control of himself. When he was ready, Harry
turned him and they walked into the office together.
That process wasn't as lengthy as Eggsy expected it to be. The clerk gave Harry
a few forms from the file they must have already put together for Eggsy's case,
had him sign while Eggsy loitered in the background. Rhonda met with Harry
briefly to exchange contact information and hand off the clothes and books
Eggsy had left with Susan, but as soon as they were finished, Harry led Eggsy
on their way out again.
"What do you say we pick up some pastries before we head back?" Harry asked as
they got into the car. "I think we could both do with some cheering up."
Eggsy nodded. He didn't feel much like talking yet. Harry glanced at him, but
seemed to understand. They pulled out onto the street in companionable silence.
The boy still felt a heaviness in his chest when they pulled up in front of a
little pastry shop, but it was tempered. His mother would be able to see him
again eventually, and she wouldn't be mad forever. He never had to go back with
his aunt again, or to the school he didn't like. His rare nights with Harry
wouldn't end too soon, but would happen every night, and he'd get to sleep over
too. Eggsy glanced over as Harry was turning the key to shut the engine off,
and he reached to catch the man's sleeve. "Harry? Um... thank you. For letting
me stay."
Harry blinked and relaxed back into his seat, looking back at Eggsy. "You're
very welcome, Eggsy. I mean that. You're always welcome here with me." Harry
caught the boy's hand and held it. His thumb ran across the underside of
Eggsy's palm, so soft, the most delicate part. He could almost see Eggsy
shiver. It was an intimate gesture, to be sure, but he felt the boy would
understand. Harry watched Eggsy's pink lips part at the sensation, at their
closeness, at the vulnerability he still felt so acutely. Harry would give him
comfort, but...perhaps not the standard sort.
Eggsy blinked. It felt odd. A fluttery, heated feeling settled into him and he
had no idea why. Harry's thumb had just tickled a little. "Well... good. Um,
that's good. Considering I get to stay with you, innit?"
An embarrassed half-smile touched the boy's mouth as he heard and processed
just how much he'd tripped over his own tongue, but Harry didn't seem to mind.
Eggsy wondered if everyone like Harry was so tolerant, or if Harry was just
special. Or maybe he was a special exception. "I know we got some clothes from
my aunt and all, but could we... maybe get some more? She didn't pick up much
from my mum, and I don't have a lot of clean, um, pants."
Harry broke into a wide smile. His fingers clasped around Eggsy's before he let
the boy have his hand back. "Well, you've certainly wound up in the right place
for that, haven't you?" Eggsy's small brows drew together before his eyes
widened fractionally. Harry could see the moment he caught on. Harry laughed,
breaking the tension before Eggsy could have any doubts about being forced to
dress up in pressed trousers and starched shirts every day. "I think there are
a few shops that might fit your tastes just a couple streets down the way. I'd
be happy to make an extra stop. Although...," Harry couldn't help the way his
eyes lingered on the curve of Eggsy's neck and how he could envision the boy's
ever present hoodie exchanged for something a little more...flattering. "I
would like to get you back in the shop sometime. Every man should have at least
one well made suit."
"That's really expensive, though." This, Eggsy noticed. Harry was staring at
him and the boy's mind began to race along with his heart. He knew what he
wanted it to mean, but it couldn't mean that. Maybe he had a mark on his
neck...
...except Harry didn't look concerned, or confused. He looked interested. Eggsy
held his breath until Harry's gaze slid back to his face, then exhaled shakily.
"Anyway, where'd I even wear somethin' like that? Not to school, and my mates
wouldn't let me hear the end of it."
"Why, you'd wear it when you're out with me, of course." Harry knew his smile
was curling a little too wide. "To dinner.... Another play, perhaps... There
are plenty of occasions where the need might arise and I'd hate to be
unprepared." Harry let the idea sink in for a moment or two before he clasped
Eggsy's knee. "But first, you're right. Let's get you something you can wear to
school. And a proper jacket. I hate to see you out in the cold like that." And
with that, Harry got out of the car, Eggsy in tow, and bought them a pair of
sweet and creamy Danishes that they ate on the way to the shops.
The awfulness of that morning was still lingering at the back of Eggsy's mind,
but not as present now. Not with him re-entering the dreamlike friendship that
existed between Harry and himself. With the sweetness of a danish heavy on his
tongue, he let Harry steer him towards their first stop with only a bit of
guilt. Eggsy hated having to ask for things; with how poor his mother had
always been, he'd figured out early on that it was hurtful to ask. Harry could
certainly afford anything they bought, Eggsy had no doubt, and the older man
even seemed happy at the idea of treating him to new things, but Eggsy still
felt embarrassment, guilt, and the weight of a debt. Harry had already helped
him so much, and now he was doing even more.
They parked in front of a small strip of stores, an Adidas, Vans, and several
more that catered to the younger crowds. Eggsy looked a little nervous when
they got out of the car, but Harry walked with purpose, leading the boy inside.
They were greeted by a store associate who obviously assumed Harry and Eggsy
were father and son. Harry thanked the young man politely, but steered Eggsy
away from him after that.
To be honest, Harry hadn't imagined shopping in this kind of area for his new
charge. He was just going to have to wing it. "Alright," Harry pushed up his
glasses and looked around. "You'll need a few sets at least. Trousers, shirts,
pants, jacket."
"Do... I get to pick them out?" Eggsy's head was spinning, and he was doing his
best not to stare. He'd never gotten to walk around in a store full of new
clothes, with every size and style and color imaginable, and just choose what
he wanted. Getting new clothes had always been a hunt through racks, trying to
find something close enough to the right size, not too worn, not too expensive.
The boy's eyes were wide and exceptionally, almost electrically blue as he
looked at Harry with more than a touch of shock. The magnitude of what he might
get in return for his request for more clothing was only just now sinking in.
"A-anything I want?"
Harry blinked in surprise for a moment, forgetting how much of a treat this was
for Eggsy in the midst of his own considerations, before he broke into a grin.
"Anything you want. I have to admit I'm a little out of my depth in this area.
You'll have to pick out whatever you like, just so long as you find enough to
wear throughout the week." Harry couldn't help admiring the look on Eggsy's
face. He could get very used to that look of stunned admiration, especially
when it was directed at him.
Harry didn't get to admire it for long, as it promptly disappeared against his
shirtfront. Then again, that was something else he could get used to, along
with the feel of small arms circled around him.
Eggsy's hug lasted only for a second, and then he was off, walking through the
store and taking in all the sights. Interestingly, Harry could immediately
discern that the boy had his own sense of style. Stripes made several
appearances, patterned across shirt fronts and down the side seams of trouser
legs. Some were subdued or traditional colors, but usually there was a pop of
something brighter, just on the edge of becoming obnoxious. The jacket Eggsy
picked out was possibly the most discreet of the items, a dark navy that
brought out the color of his eyes. Every now and then Eggsy brought his finds
back to Harry for him to approve and hold onto, and the boy's smile grew wider
every time Harry nodded in approval.
Before long Harry had an armful, and even several pairs of brightly coloured
boys' pants that he had to pretend not to eye with too much interest. Eggsy's
choice in clothing was...not at all to Harry's tastes, but he did have to admit
that the boy would do better with new clothes than the old and often ratty ones
he usually wore. What was best was that every time Eggsy came back to hand off
an item for him to hold, the boy was grinning like it was Christmas. Harry made
Eggsy try on the trousers to make sure they fit, as he had some reservations as
to how good Eggsy was at estimating such things on his own, but apparently the
boy had a knack for it. Every time he came out of the changing room, his
trousers fit just right, and showing them off for Harry was....an unexpected
pleasure.
When everything was collected, Harry made his way to the cashier's register
with one anxious, excited boy trailing along beside him. Eggsy was already
talking animatedly, telling Harry about how impressed his mates at school were
going to be, that he wasn't going to be cold waiting for the bus anymore, that
he didn't have to worry about any of the holes or thin patches in his old
clothing wearing through or unraveling anymore. He even made mention of how
much better things had looked in the mirror when he'd tried them on and
wondered aloud whether he'd finally catch anyone's eye at school. Some of his
peers had already started that dance, of passed notes and texts and whispered
rumors in hallways that was still quite innocent given their age.
For all the fuss Eggsy was making over such a simple outing, it was very
difficult for Harry not to let a little of that pride go to his head. He even
let the upturn at the corners of his mouth slip for the boy to see as the
cashier bagged Eggsy's clothes and handed Harry the receipt. Eggsy practically
danced around Harry's legs on the way out. The first thing Harry did, however,
was stop and fish out the boy's new jacket for him to wear. As soon as Eggsy
got all the tags off and slipped it on, Harry was fighting a real smile. Leave
it to Eggsy to make such a garish Adidas coat look good.
The extra barrier between them when Harry wrapped his arm around Eggsy's
shoulder on the walk back to the car was only a small inconvenience considering
the boy's improved mood.
"Thanks, Harry. I mean it, nobody's ever done nothin' like this for me before."
Eggsy was struggling to carry one of the bags, but he did anything but mind it.
This was another novel experience. "All of this, I mean. More'n just the
clothes and stuff. My mates and I, we did stuff for one another, favors and
such to pay each other back, but..."
Eggsy's smile slipped, just a little, dampened by worry of what Harry might
think of him. Whether he was going to get tired of helping him and getting
nothing in return. "I dunno what I got to pay you back with, other than
teaching you about Spiderman and stuff."
Harry gave a small snort as he unlocked the car so they could put the bags
inside. "Eggsy," he chided fondly. "You're not meant to pay me back. This isn't
about fairness. Come here." Harry pulled the boy beside him before he could get
in. Cars drove by and pedestrians passed and all around them the city went
about its business, sounds echoing off the high stone architecture like the
heartbeat of a living creature. "Life is very rarely fair, or right. You have
certain codes of behaviour that you're taught to live by because that's how
society runs. We all try to help each other out when we can because we hope
that when we're in trouble, someone will do the same for us. But I guarantee
you, Eggsy, my appreciation of you is not dependent on such a system of barter,
and therefore neither is my help. Seeing you happy and able to grow into your
best is enough."
Eggsy nodded slowly. He wasn't quite sure he believed Harry, not exactly. The
older man was likely telling the truth about some things, and Eggsy could
certainly believe that life wasn't fair or full of rightness, because he'd seen
plenty of evidence to the contrary in his few short years. What he didn't
understand was why Harry had picked him, out of all people. Eggsy thought he
was special, true enough, but that didn't mean other people thought the same.
"...is it 'cause of my dad?"
Harry looked down at him, considering, and then put his back to the car and
leaned into it until he'd lowered several inches, more of a height with Eggsy.
The boy looked so...not worried, exactly. Confused. Curious.
"It's not because of your father," Harry began. "At the start it might have
been, I must confess. I...hadn't expected to run into Lee's son again, and I
felt his family deserved far more than I ever gave you and your mother, but...I
have to say that's changed over the last few months." Harry thought about his
next words and sighed deeply, looking out over the city, feeling the gravity of
Eggsy's attention on him increase with every passing second the boy waited.
"No, Eggsy.... I'm afraid I just like you now." Harry let the corner of his
mouth twitch upward.
That was exactly the right thing to say. Eggsy's thoughts swerved away from
wondering if he was, in part, a debt and duty owed to his father; far better to
be liked for himself than because Harry partially thought he had to. Eggsy
returned the half-smile, which quickly grew into a full one. "Well, I'm glad
you like me, 'cause I like you too. Even if you don't know nothin' about
Spiderman," he teased.
Harry scoffed. "Oh, well if that's the case, maybe I had better start making
demands." He nudged Eggsy with his elbow, throwing the boy off his footing just
a little and then they were both grinning back at each other. "Go on, get in
the car, it's freezing out here," Harry finally said. It should have broken the
moment, but it didn't. By the time they were inside with the heat on and
pulling away from the kerb, Eggsy was still smiling at him and Harry was doing
his best to keep his eyes on the road ahead of them, unable to wipe the grin
from his own face either.
Eggsy's cheer hadn't abated by the time they got back to Harry's place. He
helped carry in the bags, still brimming with excitement over his new clothing
that he got to pick, and the fact that Harry had told him that he liked him.
That Harry had even been pleased when Eggsy had told him that he liked him
back. It didn't mean that Harry knew that Eggsy meant a completely different
kind of like, of course, but it was something. Eggsy dashed up the stairway to
the guest room he'd been given with a warm feeling at his core, off to go put
away his clothing and replay the afternoon in his mind.
That left Harry some time on his own to tidy up and consider his plan for the
rest of the night and the following week. So far, things were going very well,
but he could expect Eggsy to have ups and downs for some time. Especially if
his mother was intent on having Susan call to keep up with her son. Harry was
going to have to see about that if it became too regular an occurrence.
He could hear Eggsy moving around upstairs, the very faint opening and closing
of drawers and footfalls, and warmth bloomed inside Harry's chest. He closed
his eyes, leaning over the kitchen counter, just thinking about how happy Eggsy
was now and the night to come.
Eggsy picked out an outfit from his new sets of clothes: a blue shirt with a
tasteful white-banded red stripe across the chest, sandblasted jeans, and a
fresh pair of pants that were a brilliant red. The boy gathered them up and
headed into the bathroom, remembering all the times his mother had chastised
him to shower before changing into a fresh pair of clothes. Soon enough he was
stripped down and had the water running.
After locking the door and biting his lip, Eggsy reassessed his plan. He'd only
meant to quickly wash off before re-dressing and going downstairs, but the
shower presented an opportunity. Surely Harry wouldn't miss him if he was gone
for a few more minutes.
The sound of the water drifted through the house, and as soon as Harry heard
the soft thrum of the pipes running, his attention honed in on the bathroom. He
stood stock still for a brief moment, wondering whether Eggsy would.... As soon
as he reviewed the last hour of the day compared to the start, Harry decided
that yes, Eggsy probably would. And that interfered with his plans.
With silent steps, Harry took the stairs, moving like a ghost past the closed
bathroom door, slipping into his office and silently locking the door behind
him. He went to the computer and unlocked the feed in the bathroom.
As expected, Eggsy was leaning against the tiles. He'd already soaped down and
was just beginning to wash suds out of his hair. Washing was done quickly to
try to make the time spent in the bathroom less conspicuous.
Eggsy did feel a bit guilty, wanking to the memories of his friend when he was
unaware of how he felt, but what Harry didn't know wouldn't hurt him. All the
boy had to do was close his eyes and picture Harry earlier in the day - not
from the courtroom, but the sharp, tailored lines of that afternoon, and the
way Harry had smiled at him and told him he'd liked him. Or even better, the
robe from breakfast that morning. Eggsy could pretend that there was nothing
underneath, that...
His brow furrowed, and his hand moved a little faster. Eggsy tried to remember
the illustrations from the book Harry had bought him, merging them with Harry's
frame and face, trying to imagine what that would be like. The boy had no idea
if touching another person felt like touching himself. In daydreams, there
wasn't any danger of being rejected; he could touch Harry, and then Harry would
kiss him, and then... touch him back. All he had to do was pretend that the
hand around his cock was much larger than his own.
Eggsy huffed out a breath of air. The cameras didn't pick up his voice beyond
the hiss of the water, but Harry didn't need it. He could read lips just fine
from years of practice, and it wasn't a stretch to see his name drop from
Eggsy's lips in a breathless gasp as he climaxed.
Harry ran a hand over his face and tried not to let the image get to him, a
feat nearly impossible judging from the way all the blood in his body was
itching to go to his groin. Still, he was a fully grown man, past the heady
prime of his youth and then a few years extra. He could control his body. And
perhaps...Eggsy and his easily excitable youth would not spoil Harry's ideas
for the rest of the night. Yes, Harry reasoned with a shaky exhale, this could
still work.
He turned off the computer and moved silently back downstairs while Eggsy was
getting dressed. They still had plenty of time until nightfall, and Harry had
several calls to make to Eggsy's school, besides.
Eggsy counted himself lucky that he was able to take care of things so quickly.
He didn't prefer it that way, but it was really quite helpful for letting off a
bit of steam and nobody being the wiser. When he pulled on his new clothes and
took a look at himself in the mirror, he felt much better.
Eggsy wasn't sure what he was going to do with himself, now that he got to stay
over at Harry's place. It was like a dream come true, for certain, and he'd
thought about it before all the previous times when he'd had to watch the clock
and have Harry drive him back home before Michelle got too suspicious. What he
didn't know was how he was going to cope with being there, in a way much
different than how he'd suffered through staying with his aunt. That had been a
situation where he just wanted escape. This... this was a situation where he
couldn't do what he wanted. Harry couldn't know.
With that thought, Eggsy opened the door to the bathroom with a slight tang of
sadness, his thoughts all on enjoying as much of his friend's company as he
could while hiding his feelings.
He descended the stairs to find Harry on the phone in the kitchen. He turned to
look up at Eggsy with a smile, the cord wrapping around his upper half and
preventing him from turning further. After a moment it became clear that Harry
was speaking to someone from Eggsy's school, Eggsy's old school, about him
returning the following morning, what he'd missed, what he'd need to bring, who
he should speak to. Harry jotted down a few notes and then proceeded to call
the new school Susan had enrolled him in over in Stratford.
Eggsy pouted. He couldn't help it. Harry had told him not to enjoy his vacation
too much, but he'd been hoping for a few more days off before he had to return
to the drudgery of school. Even if he got to show off his new clothes when he
got back and fill his mates in on how awful his new school had been. Harry,
though... maybe Harry couldn't afford a few days off to look after him. He'd
had quite a few business trips since the beginning, when they'd first met.
Weeks off traveling, and maybe appointments in his shop. There were other staff
there, but if Harry was the owner, he'd probably be needed.
When Harry hung up, he gave Eggsy an apologetic smile. "Sorry. Duty calls us
all I'm afraid. But we still have the rest of the day to enjoy your brief
freedom, and...well, if you don't have anything else in mind for the day, I
think I have something you might like." Harry let a bit of mischief show in his
face as he beckoned Eggsy down the hall. He had to say, Eggsy did look very
nice in his new clothes. They fit him, both physically and his personality, and
Harry wondered if he might be developing a bit of a thing for the bold style.
Eggsy followed, curious and trying not to let his imagination run away with
him. A slight flush crept into his cheeks as he imagined what he would actually
like - Harry curled around him on the sofa as they watched a movie, or a kiss,
anything - but Harry would have something else in mind. Maybe cooking lessons
in the kitchen, or reading more books. The memory of Harry tucked around him
under the makeshift blanket tent, both of them reading comics in dramatic
voices, was one of Eggsy's favorite memories. "Something like what?"
Harry grinned and stopped in front of the den beside the living room, a room
Eggsy only knew was kept as a small library. Harry switched on the light and
led him inside, turning not to the rows of the bookshelf, but to a smaller
cabinet beside it. When he opened it, Eggsy saw more books, but as he came
closer, the titles began to jump out at him. There were rows of material
similar to the ones he'd seen at the book store Harry had brought him to all
those weeks ago.
"I'd been wanting to let you take a look at these for a while now, since you
haven't had a chance to get back to the book store and, well," Harry laughed as
though self-conscious, "I figured your curiosity probably hasn't dissipated in
the meantime."
If anything, Eggsy's blush deepened. Suddenly he had a difficult time looking
at Harry. "Y-yeah. I haven't been able to... read, obviously. What with
everything with my mum, and then being at my aunt's place. Didn't have no
privacy at all, and I was pretty sure she'd have disapproved just as much if
I'd had a book with me anyway.
Eggsy snuck a sideways glance at the books, trying to be surrepticious about
it. Some looked to be fiction. Some looked to be very much non-fiction. "It's
not... weird? Me looking at your books?"
"Oh no, not at all," Harry chided softly, understanding more than Eggsy knew
how self-conscious the boy was, especially now. "I'd prefer you to satisfy your
curiosity all that you can, to indulge if you will, while you have the chance."
He was treated to an even deeper shade of red touching Eggsy's cheeks.
Innocuously, Harry brushed against his side to bend down and look through a
few. "I've forgotten what I even have in here...but if I remember even half,
then I think you might find several of interest." He plucked one off the shelf
and looked through it before putting it back.
"Anything you recommend, or... um. Maybe I should just look and see what I
like?" Eggsy's gaze was more on Harry than on the books. When Harry
straightened up, his eyes shifted so Harry wouldn't realize he'd been staring.
Suddenly the boy felt like his shower hadn't been nearly enough. He didn't know
if he could endure looking through such things with Harry in the same room,
watching him and knowing what he was reading. Or worse, reading with him, like
they'd done with the comics. "Can I look through them by myself?"
"By all means. I need to make a few more phone calls anyway. You're welcome to
take over the living room if you'd like. I imagine it might get a bit stuffy in
here after a while." Harry squeezed Eggsy's shoulder. "There's juice and snacks
in the refrigerator as usual, and I'll be in office upstairs if you need me."
Eggsy's blush hadn't faded much, even when he finally met Harry's eyes. Harry
found it immeasurably endearing. Eggsy's shyness was...delectable. It made
Harry want to lean in, to touch him and make Eggsy look at him. He wanted to
feel just how hot the boy's skin had become. But instead, Harry stepped back
and left Eggsy there in the library, heading for the stairs and duties he could
not avoid.
Eggsy waited until he couldn't hear Harry's footsteps anymore before his
attention returned to the bookcase. He'd been embarrassed while Harry was
there, but now his curiosity was overwhelming. He scooted closer and began
pouring over the volumes, looking at titles and plucking books out now and then
to skim through.
Some of the books didn't make sense at first. Eggsy had figured that they would
have all been obvious, like the ones at the store, but some weren't readily
apparent. When he pulled out a book of Greek artwork, Eggsy had guessed that it
was there just because the Greeks were known for making all kinds of naked
statues in appreciation of the human body. Instead, he'd found a number of
photographs of pottery and other things, all of them fixated on erastesand
eromenos - young boys and their older lovers, who were also their mentors. A
book of Greek poetry turned out to be much the same, translated odes from one
lover to another, praising them or trying to seduce their crush into
reciprocating. Another book, which claimed to be works from some people called
Uranians, turned out to also be love poetry from older men to younger ones -
this time nothing so ancient as the Greeks, but less than a hundred years ago.
Eggsy couldn't believe that things like this existed. He laid several books out
on the floor, absorbed in the words and photographs of classical artwork.
What was more, he didn't understand why Harry would have it.
All the while he looked, Harry watched from an ornamental figure on the wall,
his eye in the sky as it were.
He followed Eggsy's progress as he caught up on fielding messages from the
other knights and handlers. It was difficult to take a full day off in his line
of work, but Harry had been at this for well over a decade now and he could
look through ongoing mission reports and relay his feedback without breaking a
sweat. Every time he paused to watch Eggsy, the boy's progress brought him a
little more delight.
Soon the hours passed into evening and Harry finished what he could before he
returned downstairs.
***** Chapter 9 *****
Eggsy was jolted out of his thoughts by the sound of footsteps on the stairway.
He panicked, closing the books he'd had laid out as quickly as he could and
shoving them back into the bookcase without paying attention to what order
they'd been in. Even as he worked, all he could think about was why: why Harry
would have these books. Maybe he didn't remember what he owned, like he'd said
when he'd first shown Eggsy the bookcase. Maybe Eggsy was wrong, and books like
these were very common for gay men to own, even though he'd not seen anything
like this from the bookstore they'd visited. At least, from what he could
remember.
But what if it wasn't common? That thought haunted Eggsy, repeating like a
broken record. If it wasn't common, that might mean that Harry liked younger
men. Maybe not as young as Eggsy... but Harry wasn't dating anyone, Eggsy was
fairly certain of that. Perhaps he might more-than-like him back someday.
Perhaps he might be convinced to wait for him.
Maybe Eggsy's crush wasn't hopeless. A tiny flicker of hope kindled in the boy
and left his chest feeling tight.
He heard the telltale clatter of Harry moving around in the kitchen and even a
light whistling as Harry brought out the frying pans. When Eggsy emerged around
the corner, Harry turned and shot him a smile. "Find anything interesting?" His
tone suggested he thought Eggsy indeed might have, but the question wasn't
entirely rhetorical either. There were a lot of books on that shelf and Harry
couldn't know which ones he'd looked through. Maybe it was Eggsy's demeanour
that gave him away, the way he bit his lip or the way his eyes glanced around
Harry's form.
"Yeah. I mean, they were all pretty interesting. None of that stuff gets
covered in school." Eggsy's heart was in his throat. He was certain Harry must
be able to hear it from all the way across the room. His friend seemed
intimidating in a way that Eggsy couldn't remember before, except that one
night when he'd fought with his mother over her discovery that he was gay. He'd
been worried about rejection then, and he was worried about it now - of saying
or doing the wrong thing and destroying the fragile little bubble of happiness
and stability he'd found with Harry.
Unfortunately, Harry didn't seem to notice this time.
"I don't imagine any school would," Harry remarked and went about pulling
vegetables and potatoes out of the refrigerator before he dabbed a bit of oil
into the pans and began slicing. "They're notoriously bad at teaching anything
of the like. Although...if you're particularly lucky and enrolled in one of the
public schools, you might run into a--shall we say an 'independent study'
group?" Harry shot a wink over his shoulder and delighted in the flash of heat
in Eggsy's face before he turned back to the cutting board.
"...did you? Um. I mean, you went to a public school, right?" As soon as the
words were out of Eggsy's mouth, he realized what he was asking. Inquiring
about Harry's sex life when he was younger might be a bit too much prying...
even if Eggsy did really want to know. He hovered in the doorway, on the edge
of disappearing around the corner at any moment should Harry chastise him, but
the rebuke never came.
"I did." Harry let his good humour show on his face even though he didn't look
at Eggsy. The silver of his knife flashed as he sliced potatoes with practised
strokes in quick succession. "And let me tell you, I don't believe those
schools will ever adopt a sexual education program, but I doubt they would need
it either. You become very close with your mates living on campus, and the
older boys often see to it that the younger ones who are interested become
as...well-educated as they'd like to be." There Harry flashed another glance
and a smile Eggsy's way before he took out two large cuts of steak and sliced
those.
Harry could have cut the silence that followed with that knife. Had he turned
to look, he would have seen Eggsy frozen in the doorway, shell-shocked by the
information and how readily Harry told him. It took quite a few seconds for
Eggsy to process what had been said, and then he began to wonder which Harry
had been when he'd joined such a study group: the older boy, or the younger. Or
both, as the case might have been.
Eggsy's words stuck in his throat. It took him a few tries to speak loud enough
to be heard over the oil that had begun sizzling in the pan. "...what...what
was that like?"
"Enlightening, if I had to put it in a word." Harry transferred the steaks and
vegetables to the pans, seasoning them just right. "It's a very insular
experience, like living on an island, but the interesting bit is how much
history the boys of that particular tradition brought with them, passed down
from the very lessons we learned in class and the professors who taught them.
History, you will find, is imbued with such things if you simply learn how to
see it--what great leaders and thinkers were inspired by lovers in ways that
were not at all platonic, and even where the word 'platonic' itself came from,
which generally means a non-sexual, non-romantic affinity for another person."
Finally, Harry turned around and let the pans sizzle behind him. "But if you
mean the boys themselves...," he offered Eggsy a half smile, "it was one of the
best times I can remember."
Eggsy didn't know what to say to that. He felt like the world had tilted on its
axis, exposing a view that had been completely hidden before. Not only were
there more people who were gay just like him, but from what Harry was saying,
they were everywhere. They'd existed all through history, even in the upper
levels of society, and Harry had participated in that hidden world. He'd liked
it enough to have fond memories of the experience, enough to have books about
similar things packed into a case in his study.
Eggsy's feet began to move of their own accord. The boy himself was torn
between the desire to retreat to safety, pretending this conversation had never
happened, and the desire to get closer and know more. Closeness was winning.
Harry seemed oblivious to his nervousness, even though Eggsy felt like he'd
just stepped onto the tracks ahead of an oncoming train. Time stretched out,
but then Eggsy ran out of floor and he found himself standing at Harry's side.
Harry wanted to reach out. He wanted so badly to reach out and touch Eggsy. He
was almost there. He calculated and recalculated every possibility of it in his
mind, what it would mean, what it would change, what would happen and how it
would matter to Eggsy if he did it now rather than later, for if he did it now
there would be no avoiding the meaning of such a touch. Even a simple one. But
oh how Harry wanted to. Eggsy's gaze was electrifying, greener under the soft
lights now than Harry had ever seen it, even if Eggsy was avoiding his eyes
more often than not. Harry found himself frozen.
Eggsy realized that he was being a little too still, a little too quiet. Harry
had glanced at him a couple of times while he was cooking, and each time Eggsy
had quickly looked away, fearful that Harry could tell what he was thinking if
they just made eye contact. The boy was absolutely still - he wanted to ask,
wanted to touch, and was too afraid of what might happen. He was so certain
Harry would say no.
"Could... could you tell me about it? Maybe, sometime? If... if it's not too
personal. If it is, you don't have to," Eggsy quickly amended.
"What would you like to know?" Harry asked and this time he did reach out, just
enough to brush a stray strand of hair behind the curve of Eggsy's ear. He
could see how nervous Eggsy was. Harry's own heart was racing. He felt out of
control, felt it slipping away from him by degrees and that was not good. It
was slightly terrifying. Harry couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so
much in a single moment, nor had so much laid on the line when he was like
this. If he didn't have control of the situation, he could lose everything.
Eggsy's brows drew together and upwards, giving him a wistful expression that
only made the temptation all the more difficult. "I... how old were you?" Eggsy
blurted out. His tongue stumbled and tripped over the words, tied itself into
knots, and yet the floodgate seemed to have been opened. More questions poured
out, one after another, all lending a worried cast to the boy's face with his
uncertainty of how Harry would react. "Did... how long did you stay? Did you
teach knew people, or just get taught and leave? Was it scary? Didn't people
get in trouble? Did anyone not like it?"
Harry's mouth curved in a half smile and suddenly he was grounded again. Eggsy
had questions. These, he could answer. "Let's start at the beginning, shall we?
First of all, I was educated at Eton before I went to University. The first
experience I had was there, when I was thirteen, although I suspected I had a
fondness for other boys years before that. The first time was with an older
boy, but...in truth I think I favoured one of my friends in my year far more.
And yes, it was scary in the beginning. I had no idea what anyone would think
if others found out, but it quickly became apparent that such relations were
not looked down upon within the school, so long as they weren't openly
flaunted. In that way, anyone who didn't want to have a thing to do with other
boys in that manner was easily excluded. Of course, unwanted crushes did occur,
but they rarely went very far."
Eggsy was rapt to every word Harry spoke. It was...invigorating, and little by
little, Harry felt control return to his grasp, solidifying with every memory.
"I remained there every year but summer until I was eighteen. And by then, I'd
known several boys who I can still think fondly of to this day. We rarely got
in trouble. Only if one of us decided to tease the professors a little bit too
much," Harry went on, his mouth curving at that. "Or if spats between parties
got out of control, silly things like that. The professors knew, of course.
Especially those who'd attended such schools themselves in their youths. Some
of them even encouraged it, bringing us literature and the like."
"Tease... did... did they?" Eggsy swallowed. His mind was crowded, taking in
this new information and processing it while questions and emotions made it
difficult to think clearly. He felt more nervous than ever, standing so close
and having Harry's attention on him, but the older man was still smiling and
looking at him kindly. Intently, even. "I mean, they brought you things to
read, but was everything just between other boys, or... um, did the
professors...?"
Harry's smile widened fractionally. "Not that I saw, personally, but such
things wouldn't have been spoken of very openly either. Still, there were
rumours. Crushes did happen. Some of the professors were known to be overly
friendly and the boys who liked such men often picked out those they found most
attractive. It could get to be quite a hot topic for gossip." Harry leaned in
with a conspiratorial manner, as though someone could possibly overhear him
imparting this bit of knowledge on to Eggsy.
If anything, the boy's eyes widened further, giving him the quintessential
appearance of a deer caught in headlights. Or a faun, rather. Eggsy's lips
parted slightly, pink and begging to be kissed. "Did... people not like that?
If... everybody else in the groups knew what was going on, but that was rumors,
was it a secret because people didn't like it and thought it was wrong?"
"A bit, yes..." Harry shrugged one shoulder. "To be honest, whatever gossip
about crushes with the professors was better received when I was in school than
it is today. Back then it was all a good laugh. But no one's relationships were
open, outside of very close circles of friends, even if it was just among the
boys. In that regard, society has become much more outwardly accepting than it
was back then. Not wholly, mind you, but better." Harry could see the cogs turn
in Eggsy's head, nerves tempered only by the information he was putting
together.
Eggsy thought he understood what Harry was telling him: everything had been
taboo back when Harry had been growing up, but equally so, and more or less
equally accepted in the private groups where such things happened. Things were
a bit better now for people who were openly gay, but only some of them. The boy
worried at his lower lip. Harry turned his attention briefly back to the pan in
front of him, flipping the ingredients over to cook evenly, and the loss of eye
contact made it easier for Eggsy to think and steel his nerves. "...what did
you think about it?"
"Think about what--the way our social stigma has been changing? Or being
involved in that sort of culture back then?" Harry put the fork back down and
leaned against the counter top, getting comfortable and, incidentally, lowering
his height a few inches closer to Eggsy. The boy was having a hard time meeting
his gaze still, but Harry didn't mind. He kept his posture deliberately open,
welcoming. Eggsy wanted to be close, even closer than he was now, Harry could
tell, and Harry wanted the same.
"Both, I guess. And about the professors, um... being involved with stuff. More
than just giving them things to read." Harry knew what sort of an image he made
and how to use the lines of his body; he watched Eggsy struggle not to look
where his eyes were naturally drawn. Eggsy's gaze turned a bit upwards instead,
but he still couldn't meet Harry's eyes. He settled for just a bit lower, which
left him staring at Harry's mouth instead.
"I didn't have any qualms over it at the time. And I still don't, to be
honest," Harry admitted. "So long as no one's being coerced; so long as
whatever power imbalance exists is used to guide and to support the younger
party. Such imbalances often occurred between the older students and the
younger students as well and was all quite natural. Personally, I'm glad for
the public support we've all gained throughout the last couple decades, but I
do believe it is a rather narrow form of support." Harry could see that wasn't
very uplifting news for Eggsy, not when a tiny furrow appeared between his
brows. "You'd be surprised, however, just what the majority of people get up to
in private that they'd never be willing to support in the open."
Harry was so close; he could practically see Eggsy's thoughts flickering just
behind the boy's eyes. He could see his deliberation in the slight upward slant
of his eyebrows and the way the tip of his tongue darted out to wet his lips.
Eggsy shifted just a bit closer until he was practically brushing against
Harry's side.
"Um...Harry?"
"Yes?" Harry had to concentrate to control his breathing. He could have reached
out again. He could have caught Eggsy's wrist and pulled the boy into him and
Eggsy would go. Harry imagined doing it. He kept his eyes on Eggsy's face,
turned away from him just slightly. Harry relaxed his posture even more,
inviting Eggsy with the open curve of his shoulders and the way he knew Eggsy's
subconscious would read the stance as Harry just on the verge of reaching out.
"Do... do you promise-" Eggsy had a difficult time keeping his voice steady and
loud enough to hear. It cracked slightly at the edges, an audible cue to just
how much he was afraid to lose this particular gamble. "Do you promise you
won't get rid of me, if... if I tell you something? You're not going to get
mad? Or send me to a foster family?"
Harry could no longer remain standing at that. His hands slipped from the ledge
of the counter and he sank down to his knees in front of Eggsy in one fluid
motion, hands coming up to frame the boy's face. It put them at not only at
more of an equal height, but now Eggsy was just slightly taller than Harry.
There was no way Eggsy could avoid Harry's eyes like that. "Oh Eggsy... Of
course I promise." And Harry meant that. It was easy to mean that. "There is
not a single thing you could tell me that would make me want to get rid of
you."
Eggsy was still afraid, but this time he met Harry's gaze. Eggsy searched his
face, taking reassurance from Harry's words, touch, and the fact that he still
looked so open and inviting. "I... um. I like you. A lot. Like, more than a
friend." Eggsy's pulse was racing; Harry could feel it just where his hands
cupped the edges of the boy's jawline. "I'm... please don't send me away."
Harry couldn't help the way his mouth curved into a smile, nor did he want to.
His thumb traced a line over Eggsy's cheek, reveling at its softness, at how he
had Eggsy here in his hands like this. The boy looked frozen, waiting for an
answer, but Harry didn't close off even by the fractions Eggsy expected him to.
"Eggsy," Harry whispered softly, "I like you, too. Also a lot. And also more
than just as a friend." Harry let his gaze run down the boy's body, practically
feeling goosebumps arise on Eggsy's flesh wherever his eyes touched. Harry
dropped his hand to lift one of Eggsy's to his mouth and there he placed a
soft, rather chaste, kiss before he looked up again to meet Eggsy's eyes.
A flash of disbelief passed through Eggsy's eyes, and then he moved forward.
Harry was nearly thrown off-balance as Eggsy pressed closer, arms wrapped
around Harry's neck and eyes shut tight. Harry could feel the tension leave the
boy in degrees, melting away even faster when his own arms encircled Eggsy and
returned the embrace. "I thought you were going to hate me and say we couldn't
be friends anymore," Eggsy said, his voice slightly muffled from where he was
pressed up against Harry's neck. "But it was so hard."
Harry sighed softly, relief mirroring Eggsy's. He sat back and pulled the boy
along with him until Eggsy was sitting in his lap, legs on either side of him,
and Harry had to force back the arousal that threatened to heat his veins.
Having Eggsy in his arms like this felt better than anything he'd imagined. The
boy's body was so small and soft...and pliant. Harry wanted to run his lips up
and down Eggsy's neck. The softness of his hair under Harry's fingers and the
way Eggsy's thighs wrapped around him was the sweetest taste of what could be.
"I'm so sorry you thought that," Harry whispered into Eggsy's ear.
Harry was rewarded with a shiver. Eggsy stayed tucked against Harry's neck for
a few more seconds, just recovering and enjoying the closeness without the
pretense. Harry would let him do this, now. There didn't have to be a movie, or
the two of them reading together, or anything other than Eggsy just wanting to
do it. Eventually Eggsy drew back, not letting go, but wanting to look at Harry
again. The boy's brows were still drawn together, but in consideration this
time instead of fear. "...I don't know what we do, now."
The corners of Harry's mouth turned up again. "We carry on. Only this
time...perhaps with a little better understanding....and....perhaps a few more
perks." Harry's smile curved and Eggsy's eyes latched onto his mouth with such
delightful fascination. It was so inviting that Harry leaned forward and
pressed a kiss to the corner of Eggsy's mouth, soft and dry and the barest
amount of everything he wanted to do to the boy, but Harry's sense of timing
still held him back. That sense was ingrained in him, had saved his life more
than once.
A look of awe dawned on Eggsy's face from just that simple touch. He hesitated
for another moment, still looking for approval, and when he saw it he leaned in
again. The kiss was the sort of chaste, delicate thing that only the very
innocent and inexperienced did, but it was heartfelt and so soft. When Eggsy
pulled back, affection was writ all over his face and a rosy flush had returned
to his cheeks.
And then the moment was broken as Eggsy blinked and his gaze turned sideways.
"...I think the food is burning."
Harry blinked. "Shit."
He rose to take the steaks and vegetables off the stove and waved a cloth over
them before the fire alarm went off. Eggsy stood there and watched with what
looked suspiciously like amusement.
"I hope you like your dinner well done," Harry groused as he dished out their
plates, handing one to Eggsy to bring to the table before he followed with
silverware. The wine glasses made an appearance again. Harry set them down on
the table before himself and Eggsy before he dug a bottle out of the pantry and
popped it open with a very satisfying surge of fizz. He poured a generous
amount in both their glasses. "To celebrate," he said, before raising Eggsy a
toast.
The number of bubbles made Eggsy grin, doubly so when he mirrored Harry's
gesture, clinked their glasses together, and ventured a taste. "This is
different then the other ones. Besides all the fizz," he noted, although he
didn't have the vocabulary to describe it. "Not as sweet, but it's not really
bitter neither?" He glanced down at his plate, turned over a few vegetables
with blackened edges, and couldn't stop himself from giggling.
"Oh you think that's funny, do you?" Harry waved his fork at Eggsy, grinning
all the while. "Just you wait until I intentionally burn it the next time.
You'll be sorry then." He sliced himself a piece and chewed thoughtfully. It
crunched noticeably and Harry closed his eyes with a sigh of shame. When Eggsy
didn't stop laughing, Harry resorted to kicking him under the table.
"You don't get no excuses unless I'm distracting you," Eggsy shot back
playfully. The more minutes passed with Harry still treating him the same,
still teasing him and accepting teasing back, the more Eggsy relaxed and gained
a bit of his confidence back. The world hadn't ended. Harry wasn't going to
kick him out, and their friendship wasn't going to end. Even better, maybe his
fantasies had a chance of coming true. Compared to that, burnt dinner was
nothing to complain about; Eggsy ate even the crispy bits.
Before long, Harry was clearing away their plates and putting them away in the
dishwasher. He'd kept refilling their wine glasses, enough for Eggsy now to be
feeling the effects. Even Harry was, though he'd kept Eggsy's portions
carefully moderated to not put the boy completely out of his wits. Harry
enjoyed the feel of it, the buzz of the alcohol relaxing the tension in the
room and the arousal that had been steadily building in him ever since Eggsy's
shower.
When Harry turned back, he saw that Eggsy's cheeks were flushed with colour
that had just as much to do with the wine as his admission earlier. "Come,"
Harry said and led the boy into the living room, sitting himself down on the
sofa and beckoning Eggsy to follow.
Eggsy didn't hesitate. Now that his confession was out of the way, he wasn't
afraid of Harry anymore - or, rather, afraid of Harry reacting badly. Harry
himself had never scared him. When he reached the sofa, he sat down next to
Harry, all curiosity and admiration. Between the alcohol and the fact that he
had nothing left to hide anymore, Eggsy didn't bother trying to disguise the
way he was studying Harry.
Harry smiled, watching Eggsy watch him before he scooped the boy up in his arms
and leaned back, pulling Eggsy down on top of him. Eggsy laughed a little and
so did Harry. He brushed the boy's hair back from his temple and just admired
him. "Do you have any idea how gorgeous you are, Eggsy?" Harry asked softly,
watching colour rise in Eggsy's cheeks like he'd flipped a switch. Harry
delighted that he could do that. It was a rush so heady it went down to his
core. Even Eggsy could surely feel the way he breathed deeper.
Eggsy shook his head. He didn't think he looked all that much different from
the other kids in his year, and none of them had really caught his eye. He'd
been teased, even, for having a slight hint of auburn in his hair. "No, I...
Nobody's really looked at me before, that I know of. Like a crush or anything.
I guess I wouldn't have known if it was another bloke, because people are still
off about that, but the girls all seem to know who likes who, an' everyone
finds out pretty quick. Nobody's said nothin' about me."
Harry just kept on smiling. "I don't think they realise what they're missing.
Better for me, I suppose." He let his teeth show, let Eggsy revel in the
attention, the kind of affection Harry knew he'd been wishing for for some time
now. It was certainly strange being this close to Eggsy after Harry had wanted
it for so long, and he had to consider that it was even stranger for the boy to
see him like this, laid out underneath Eggsy on the couch. "You were very
curious earlier, about my life in public school. From our talks before and our
trip to the book store, I can only assume you've discovered no such outlets?"
If anything, Eggsy turned redder, and suddenly he was avoiding looking at Harry
again. To his mortification, the boy could feel himself growing hard again, and
all he could do was pray that Harry didn't notice. "Um... no, not really. I
don't really fancy any of the boys at school either, and I wouldn't have known
which of them was gay even if I did, and..." Eggsy shrugged, the movement more
awkward given how he was laying down. "I mean, the books helped give me some
ideas and such, but... um."
Eggsy's chin lowered. "I kinda liked you for a while, I wasn't lookin' all that
hard at anyone else. I just thought... I mean, you knew my dad. I thought you'd
think it was weird."
Harry gave a soft laugh. "I don't think it's weird." He let his fingers roam
where they'd wanted to for so long, all above the waist, but still.... The
strands of Eggsy's hair felt feather soft beneath Harry's fingertips, the short
bits of it that gave way to smooth skin down the back of Eggsy's neck was a
tease when Harry was stopped at the collar of his shirt. Harry had to settle
for massaging in long, slow strokes over Eggsy's back above the material,
feeling the form of his body underneath and imagining what it would be like
without that barrier in the way.
Harry's touch wasn't helping Eggsy fight his body; the boy ducked his head even
further and shut his eyes, but to no avail. Worse, even, because now he could
smell Harry through the fabric of his shirt, that familiar cologne layer atop
the musky, warm scent of skin. Eggsy felt a tingling all over as his own skin
broke into gooseflesh and his hips shifted. He was trapped at an awkward angle
against Harry's stomach, but didn't want to draw attention to that fact.
"I've... just been thinking about stuff, I guess."
"Oh?" Harry asked softly. He bent his head closer to Eggsy's ear. "Have you
thought of me?" He felt the boy's breath hitch and if Harry hadn't already
known just how much Eggsy had in fact thought of him while his fantasies ran
wild, that would have been a dead giveaway. Harry's smile curled into a grin
but Eggsy didn't see it, not with his face pressed to Harry's shirt like that.
All the while, Harry's hands never stopped their slow, roaming trail over
Eggsy's back. It could have been almost platonic if it wasn't for their
conversation, or the tension steadily building between them all evening.
Eggsy finally found the courage to nod. "Y-yeah," he whispered. He felt frozen
again, not wanting to move away from Harry, but exquisitely aware of just how
much he was the center of the older man's attention right then. Harry hadn't
said anything about it, but by now Eggsy was sure he'd noticed the slight
pressure against his stomach. Just thinking about Harry's question had made it
worse, as all of the boy's fantasies came flooding back, augmented by the fact
that Harry was stretched out underneath him.
Harry hummed quietly in approval. He let his hands stroke all the way down
Eggsy's back, resting gently just above the boy's hips. Harry lingered there,
drawing small circles with his thumbs into the flesh above Eggsy's hip bone,
never touching skin. Harry turned his head farther, just enough to press his
mouth to Eggsy's ear. "Would you like me to help?"
Harry felt Eggsy tremble, so he ran one of his hands over the boy's back again,
up and down, trying to sooth as it went.
"Nothing you're not ready for," Harry amended softly. "Just...to help your
fantasies along. They're nothing you have to be ashamed of."
Eggsy's wants turned into an ache. He'd just been thinking about something like
this earlier, in the shower, and now Harry was offering him something for real.
Some of the things he'd thought about were too scary to think about actually
doing, but others...
Eggsy was self-conscious about his body, but from what Harry had said, he had
little to worry about. Harry found him attractive, so he'd likely still find
him attractive even without his clothes. Eggsy thought again about the books
from Harry's bookcase he'd been reading, and what he'd said about his school
days. He thought about the way Harry always had a warm smile for him and a
gentleness that was ever-present. The boy shivered again, but he nodded. "...y-
yeah. If... if you want to."
Harry grinned and pressed his lips to the curve of Eggsy's ear. He felt the
boy's hands tighten in his shirt. "Then sit up."
Eggsy didn't move until Harry did, pushing himself back until his shoulders
rested against the arm of the couch. Eggsy was forced to straighten himself,
still wrapped around Harry's middle, but with...marginally less contact. He was
biting his lip and had trouble meeting Harry's eyes again, getting close and
then darting away and then getting close again. In that way, Harry could tell
Eggsy wanted to look at him. He caught the boy's face in the palm of his hand
and gave Eggsy a soft smile. "Now come here," Harry whispered and leaned in,
drawing closer, eyes on Eggsy's, whose were so dilated his irises were a just a
ring of green in the low light, until finally, Harry pressed his mouth against
Eggsy's.
This, Eggsy was sure about. He was inexperienced and clumsy, but sincere. Harry
didn't need much persuasion to get Eggsy to press back, although he was still
leading; the boy tended to copy what Harry did, from a slight pressure here to
a movement there. Soon enough, Eggsy was starting to melt against him. Harry
caught the boy's lower lip, and after a gasp of surprise, Eggsy shyly tried to
do the same. He managed, but with a bit more teeth then Harry had used, barely
more than a light tug and letting go just as quickly. By the time Harry pulled
back to look at him again, Eggsy's rosy color had nothing to do with
embarrassment.
Harry's face split into a grin and, tentatively, Eggsy returned it.
When Harry leaned in again to catch Eggsy's mouth, Eggsy was ready for it.
Harry teased him with more soft nips of his teeth, and with just the right
pressure, Eggsy caught on. Having Eggsy nip at him like that in return quickly
sent shivers down Harry's body and he had to be careful to keep Eggsy sitting
higher up on his stomach or risk the boy noticing just how aroused he had
become. Fortunately, Harry had a bit more practice at this than Eggsy did. He
kept one arm wrapped around Eggsy's back, keeping him right where Harry wanted.
Harry turned his head, broke away to press kisses into Eggsy's cheek, down his
small jaw, tickling down his neck and to his collar bone until the boy laughed
and squirmed and Harry made his way back up again.
Drunk on kisses, positive attention, and more than a bit of wine, Eggsy was
starting to feel safer. This was like his daydreams, only better, because Harry
was actually there. He could feel him, instead of just imagining what it might
feel like, and Harry knew more tricks than his imagination did. The things
Harry did with his mouth on his neck, or by his ear, made Eggsy writhe against
him, not quite able to control himself. It tickled, but in a way that made him
want to get closer instead of escape.
When Harry gave him the chance, he tried to copy that too. Small fingers buried
themselves in dark hair, trying to pull Harry closer, and Eggsy kissed a line
up his neck to his jaw. The faint stubble felt a bit like sandpaper against his
skin, and for some reason that made Eggsy laugh. His imagination had never
factored in that roughness in his daydreams.
Harry laughed breathlessly in return. He knew Eggsy felt his breath hitch, but
that at least told the boy he hadn't done anything wrong. Harry hadn't expected
him to be so bold, but it was a delight. With hands trailing through Eggsy's
hair and down his back, Harry encouraged him to explore, and Eggsy did, little
by little, always coming back to press kisses against Harry's mouth before too
long, like that was what he thought he should do. Harry found it endearing.
Harry kissed him back in those moments, drawing Eggsy into him and then teasing
the boy with soft bites before he could get any more. Harry turned it into a
game, almost.
Through it all, Eggsy's skin became more heated. It was a slow seduction,
making the boy more comfortable and secure until he forgot about his
embarrassment, his worries about what Harry might think, his nervousness to be
trying something so unfamiliar. Eggsy lost track of time, when seconds were
counted in kisses and touches and Harry's low, soft voice near his ear. The
game continued until Harry caught his lower lip again and Eggsy let out a
whimper and rocked his hips forward without thinking.
Harry sighed in pleasure. He felt Eggsy's small body melt into him at the
sensation. Before the boy could pull back, Harry lowered his arm around Eggsy's
waist and caught him.
Gently, Harry tugged him forward again, keeping Eggsy's lip held softly between
his teeth and not letting go. Eggsy didn't need to talk right then. Harry
needed him distracted. He felt Eggsy's breath catch when his hips rubbed into
Harry's stomach. Only then did Harry let go of Eggsy's lip and continue his
softly biting kisses. Harry relaxed his arm, giving Eggsy some relief, and then
pulled Eggsy's hips down again the same as he did before.
Eggsy shuddered against him, just the way Harry wanted. Eggsy didn't try to
pull away. Eggsy associated Harry with safety, and lust was beginning to
override any other thoughts or concerns in his mind. Harry felt just as safe as
the imaginative version in Eggsy's head. He couldn't get hurt.
Harry pulled him down a third time and Eggsy gave a soft cry. The friction felt
good, but it was so slow, more of a tease than anything that was going to bring
relief. Eggsy tried to squirm, but didn't get anywhere; Harry's hand was still
on his back, pressing them together and holding him in place.
Harry laughed softly, tickling Eggsy's ear with his teeth and the rumbling
sound. Harry bent and ghosted warm air down Eggsy's neck and pulled the boy's
hips against him again. He kept at that slow pace until Eggsy was making little
hitching sounds in the back of his throat, just holding onto Harry and
clenching his legs around Harry's waist. Eggsy was so malleable like this, and
so small. Harry could have picked him up if he'd wanted to, could have turned
them around, pressed the boy down into the couch and smothered him with Harry's
body. The thought of it was exquisite, but this, right now, this was all about
Eggsy. All about the pleasure Harry could feel building within him, how it had
nowhere to go but growing fraction by fraction nevertheless.
Eggsy's experiences by himself, in bed and in the shower, had been nothing like
this. He'd always rushed, pursuing climax and relief as quickly as he could.
Harry was drawing things out, slow enough to be torturous, and every time Eggsy
tried to buck his hips and move faster he felt a hand pressing down and keeping
him from moving as quickly as he wanted. He didn't understand why Harry wasn't
letting him move. This wasn't helping at all; everytime Harry laughed and
kissed at his neck, or teased the edge of his ear, Eggsy felt a little more
desperate. "H-harry...? Please, I can't-... I have to..."
"Would you like me to help you with that, as well?" Harry breathed into Eggsy's
ear, feeling the boy tremble at even that much sensation. He had to fight the
urge to bring Eggsy down, push him lower so he could rub up against Harry's
hips and the painfully hard erection there, but Eggsy didn't need to know about
that, and Harry resisted, instead languishing in the boy's pleasure. And how
beautifully Eggsy responded to the pleasure Harry gave him. Eggsy tried to be
quiet, but he was so sensitive.
Worry ate at the edges of Eggsy's consciousness. He didn't think Harry would
make fun of him, or hurt him, and this was exactly the sort of thing Eggsy had
fantasized about. He'd been curious about whether it felt different when
someone else touched him, rather than touching himself, and this was his chance
to find out. Harry might even have ideas of how to make it feel better than
he'd figured out on his own; after all, Harry had more experience.
And Eggsy did trust him. It was that trust, and sheer want, that made Eggsy nod
again.
Harry turned his face into Eggsy's neck and just breathed in. The boy was his
now. He could have this. Eggsy was in his arms, giving Harry everything he
wanted, but Harry had to take this one step at a time.
"Okay," Harry whispered, letting the hand that wasn't holding Eggsy draw down
between them, brushing up the inside of Eggsy's thigh first. Harry lifted the
boy's hips just enough to work his hand between them, palm up and brushing flat
over the small hardness he found beneath the denim fabric. Eggsy whimpered and
trembled in his arms and Harry smiled into his neck. Carefully, Harry undid
Eggsy's trousers and slipped his hand inside.
Eggsy gasped and wasn't quite able to keep himself from squirming. Harry hadn't
even touched him properly yet, just pressure and warmth on the other side of
his pants, but it felt so much more intense than Eggsy had expected. Maybe some
of that was because he'd never done this before, or because Harry had teased
him for so long. Or maybe it was because he liked Harry so much and had been
thinking about him more and more when he'd been touching himself.
There wasn't even a comparison between fantasy and reality. Harry easily cupped
him in one hand, then did something with his thumb, stroking the fabric over
the head of his cock. Eggsy made a noise in the back of his throat.
Then Harry began stroking. It was slow at first, almost as slow as the way
Harry had been pulling Eggsy's hips down against him earlier, but this was so
much more focused. Every bit of sensation was exactly where it needed to be.
Harry's fingers moved over Eggsy's shaft with just the right amount of
pressure, even with the last, thin cotton barrier between them. Most of all, it
was unrelenting. There was no end to the friction, no point at which the
perfect pleasure stopped.
Harry pressed kisses up and down Eggsy's neck again, but this time when he god
far enough down to the boy's collar, his tongue dipped between his teeth and
Harry finally tasted him. Eggsy's skin was salty with sweat and heated to the
touch, but he was delicious.
Moreover, Eggsy didn't have the experience or self-control to stay quiet or
temper his reactions. He gave a soft cry when Harry's tongue swept across his
skin and shivered, his own grip on Harry tightening. Without Harry's hand
keeping him in place, Eggsy's hips started to thrust against the fingers curled
around him. The boy's breathing turned ragged, and when Harry tried to steal
another taste Eggsy's head turned and his neck arched.
Eggsy didn't last long. All too soon Harry felt him shudder and give one last
cry.
Eggsy's body went still. Harry turned, nuzzled into the corner of Eggsy's jaw,
felt the boy frozen in the rush of it. It was one of the most beautiful things
Harry had ever seen. Beautiful didn't begin to quantify it. Eggsy was a
treasure, so small and so gorgeous, so delectable. Harry wanted to devour him.
Harry let his lips linger over Eggsy's skin. Slowly, carefully, he drew his
hand back and buttoned Eggsy's trousers, smoothing the material of his shirt
down when he was done. Harry wrapped his arms around Eggsy again and let him
breath. Harry smiled into his neck before pulling back, just enough to see
Eggsy's face.
Eggsy was as open as Harry had ever seen him, but without the fears that had
cast a shadow over the other times he'd trusted him. The boy's pupils were
still blown wide and dark, and his mouth was reddened from kissing. He looked
fragile and innocent, but his quiet shyness had been replaced with something
like awe and no small measure of affection. Eggsy's smile, when it came, was a
slow thing that bloomed over several seconds, unfolding from his mouth until it
filled his eyes.
Harry found himself mirroring the smile. It was instinctual, unpractised, but
it felt right to see Eggsy's eyes light up like that and to know he would see
it in Harry in return. Harry stroked his fingers through Eggsy's hair, enjoying
how boneless the body atop him felt.
"Enjoyed that, did you?" Harry almost didn't want to break the moment. The
corner of his mouth turned up and he knew his eyes were glinting with mischief
under the low light. It was hard for him to say just then what he must look
like to Eggsy, but he had an approximation of an idea. It was difficult to
focus on himself when Eggsy was in his arms looking the way he looked.
Not all of Eggsy's embarrassment had been erased; His smile turned a little
crooked at the edges as his mouth twisted, and he flushed redder, but he didn't
avoid Harry's eyes this time. He was too busy drinking in the sight that showed
him Harry found him attractive. Something about it was off, a little sharp and
predatory, but Eggsy only found that thrilling instead of frightening. "...y-
yeah. Better... than by myself," Eggsy admitted a little breathlessly.
"I should hope so." Harry leaned in again and pressed soft kisses down the side
of Eggsy's cheek and back to his ear, just to feel the boy squirm. He wasn't
disappointed. If Harry kept getting caught up in Eggsy's reactions, he was
going to drive them both mad before long, so he pulled back again, shifted on
the couch so that he was able to lay down a bit better, head still propped up
by the armrest. Eggsy still couldn't keep his eyes off Harry, and it was
incredibly difficult to pretend it didn't affect him. "Don't think this gets
you out of going to school tomorrow." Harry narrowed his eyes.
As if on cue, Eggsy pouted. That tender, pink lower lip jutted out, and he
tried to give Harry his most endearing eyes, but the effect was ruined by the
boy's struggle to keep a straight face. When Harry didn't relent, Eggsy huffed
out a noise of frustration. "Do I have to go tomorrow? I only just got here.
It's not like I'm missing nothin', and I'm learnin' stuff."
"Oh you're learning stuff alright," Harry laughed. "Not the sort of stuff
they'd teach you in school." He couldn't resist nipping at the corner of
Eggsy's lip, not when it was on display so prominently. Harry stayed close,
having to tamp down his own arousal lest it get the better of him. "I'm afraid
I don't have the time to teach you algebra. Priorities, mind you." He could
feel as much as see Eggsy snicker at that and Harry pressed his smile into the
boy's cheek before he pulled back, trying to clear his head.
"I dunno, maybe you could make algebra interestin'," Eggsy countered. "But I
guess, if you've only got time for one thing, I really don't want to waste it
on maths."
Eggsy still couldn't stop staring at Harry. Now that he didn't have to keep
pretending they were only friends, he could look all he wanted. Only...
Prior information filtered back into Eggsy’s thoughts, dissipating a bit of his
happiness. "I was just thinkin'... that stuff would be different now, only it
can't be, isn't... isn't that right? I mean, you said people still sort of
minded when you were in school, but not as much as they do now?"
"Ah, yes." Harry knew this was coming one way or another. Eggsy's mouth pulled
into a frown and Harry resettled his arms around the boy. "This...is definitely
not the sort of thing other people would approve of. Even hints of it. You're
very young, Eggsy." Harry let the tips of his fingers ghost down the back of
the boy's neck. "You asked what happens now, and I did mean it when I said we
simply go on. What closeness we feel for each other won't affect the world at
large."
"But what's that mean?" Eggsy couldn't imagine going back to how they'd been
before, but it didn't seem like that was what Harry was saying. Not exactly.
Still, if nobody would approve of it, even more than people didn't approve of
just being gay... "That it's just this once? Or that I'm just supposed to
pretend when we're outside the house?"
Harry sighed. "Just that. You don't have to pretend with me, but believe me,
Eggsy, this would not go over well if we told anyone. And I don't just mean
there's a very high chance; I mean it's very likely you would be taken away
again and I would go to prison." Harry knew that statement would be a bit of a
shock, and he confirmed it in the widening of Eggsy's eyes. He let his fingers
linger at the short hairs at the back of Eggsy's neck. "I would rather you
decide whether you still want this, knowing that. It's a great sacrifice to
make, silence is."
More than shock; Eggsy didn't understand why it would happen, but now he had a
new fear. He couldn't fathom losing Harry any more than he could his mother.
"But-... I can be quiet, I can. I've never grassed anyone up. I just... I don't
want to stop," he clarified. "I don't, I really don't, and I'll be quiet if
that's what I gotta do, but why would they arrest you? I thought bein' gay
wasn't illegal no more."
"Well, it's not. But fraternizing with anyone under the age of sixteen is."
Harry offered Eggsy a small smile of condolence. "You don't have to decide
right now. I want you to think about it carefully. I'd rather not stop either,"
and Harry let some warmth back into his face at that, "but the last thing I
want is for you to be hurt. Especially if that comes from another run-in with
the authorities. I think you've had quite enough of that." Finally, Harry let
himself relax, and let Eggsy observe him as he was, as though he could invite
the boy to consider whether Harry was worth it.
Eggsy, by contrast, wasn't relaxed at all. He got more upset the more he
thought about it; he'd confessed to Harry, and Harry had confessed back, and
talked to him the whole time afterwards. He'd not done anything Eggsy hadn't
said yes to, hadn't wanted... and now Harry was telling him that they could
never be open about it. He could never kiss him or say some things in public or
get to close, couldn't even talk to other people about his relationship, or
else they would hurt Harry. Eggsy didn't even understand why. It was one thing
if Harry had hurt him, like Dean had hurt his mother, but Harry had never done
anything of the sort.
And yet Harry laid there, knowing Eggsy could hurt him if he wanted to just by
saying a few words. Eggsy didn't understand how he could be so calm. "I don't
get it, but I don't wanna stop neither," he finally whispered, chin tucked
against his chest. "I don't want you in jail."
Harry gave the boy a small smile. "And I'm glad for that." He stroked a thumb
over Eggsy's cheek. "It won't always be this way. When you're older." Harry was
hesitant to lead Eggsy down that path, the boy was after all a very long way
away from an adult in the eyes of the law, but Eggsy seemed to need some form
of optimism, no matter how small. "It won't change much in practice. We can
still go out together, do things together...go out for dinner, see movies,
whatever you like. And then you can come back here with me, and you don't have
to pretend at all anymore."
Eggsy only seemed a little mollified, but he leaned forward until he could
resettle against Harry's chest. Eggsy's arms tucked around him. "I'll pretend
when we're out," he agreed. "Even though I don't want to. I don't want anyone
to take you away."
And that was the gist of it: his mother had been taken away, mostly. His
friends had been taken away for a time, and were still uncertain - he'd been
transferred back to the same school, but Eggsy had no idea if they knew what
was going on with him or would continue to support him. His aunt didn't want
him, and there was no other family left. Harry had quickly become a touchstone,
a source of stability and comfort and love, and Eggsy didn't know what he would
do if that was taken away. "Just don't make me pretend when we're here."
"Now why would I do that?" Harry asked, letting his smile grow, just so Eggsy
would glimpse it. It wasn't really a question. Harry bent to kiss the top of
Eggsy's head, enjoying the feel of such soft hair brushing against his nose.
Eggsy was going to have to be strong for this. Harry had seen that kind of
strength in him already, but he was going to have to learn as well. And Harry
was going to have to teach him. The first step was that Eggsy felt safe, felt
wanted. If Harry could be Eggsy's foundation, then he could do almost anything.
"I don't ever intend to let you doubt me," Harry whispered into Eggsy's hair.
Eggsy didn't have an answer for that. His juvenile distress over returning to
school was completely forgotten in the wake of the idea of losing Harry. He
felt so much bigger and stronger than Eggsy, and seemed to hold a lot more
power if the events at the police station indicated anything, and yet Eggsy
felt like everything was fragile. Life with his mother had been a certainty,
too. Harry kissed the top of his head again and Eggsy tilted his head up to
regard Harry with worried eyes. "...promise?"
The word slipped into Harry like a shard of glass, but his face did not change.
Eggsy could not know.
"I promise," Harry said softly, and the funny thing was that it was true. Harry
did not ever intend for the boy to doubt him, and he would do everything in his
power to keep it that way. The knowledge of how Eggsy would believe him
tempered his smile, but it was fitting. Eggsy was right to feel the weight in
their circumstances. Harry needed him to feel that weight. It was
just...unusual, being the focus of such emotion set behind Eggsy's wide eyes
and open face, the face Harry had longed to touch. Unsurprising that he should
be moved in return.
Eggsy was too young for such solemnity. He accepted Harry's words at face
value, along with his soft smile. The boy leaned in, kissed Harry one more
time, and then settled back down. Things weren't going to change outside the
house, but inside.. Eggsy didn't know what to expect. He knew a bit about sex
now, from the books he'd seen and some of what he'd overheard from other people
and the borrowed magazines, and he'd seen a bit of mushy romance from movies
and the like, but Eggsy didn't know what people did. Or if that was different
when it was two boyfriends, rather than a heterosexual couple. "Harry...?
Are... um. Does this mean we have the same bedroom, now?"
Harry couldn't help a small laugh. "Do you think you'd like that? You can keep
your own room of course. I'd hate for you not to have a space of your own,
but...," and there was that heat again, stirring in Harry's groin, just as it
had begun to dissipate, "if you'd like to sleep in mine, I would not object."
Harry turned and said it into Eggsy's ear, tickling the boy with the warmth of
it as he did so. This was a mood Harry could appreciate far better, even if the
harsh intrusion of reality upon Eggsy's expectations was necessary for them to
navigate.
"Maybe." Harry blew against his ear, and Eggsy squirmed in response, his mouth
quirking up in a smile again at how ticklish it was and the fact that Harry
hadn't refused. "Maybe you snore, though. We'll see. I guess it's supposed to
be romantic, but I've never slept with someone else in my room, so I don't know
if I like it or not. I guess we can try it and I'll go back to my room if I
don't like it?"
"Hm, that sounds like a very reasonable plan." Harry smiled against Eggsy's ear
and drew back. "Although I must say, it is not at all as romantic as you might
expect. Though...it is rather comforting. And it does have its perks."
Harry's eyes dropped to the boy's still swollen lips and didn't try to hide the
interest behind it. Even still he could detect colour rising in Eggsy's cheeks,
almost Pavlovian at this point. And Harry was again hard in his trousers. Not
painfully so, thank heavens, but he still had some trouble turning the
conversation back on track.
"Speaking of, we should probably get you off to bed soon, or you'll never be up
in time for school tomorrow."
Eggsy groaned, and his forehead hit Harry's chest. "That again? Do I really
gotta go? Can't I get one more day? Today hardly counted, you know, what with
all the legal stuff." Eggsy was trying to milk the situation for all it was
worth. He wasn't even above a bit of manipulation himself; Harry soon found
lips pressed to his neck, along with beseeching eyes. "Is it 'cause you have to
go back to work tomorrow? I can be quiet, if you take me with you. Just one
more day?"
Harry let his head fall back and laughed. "You're a little devil, did you know
that?" His fingers curled at the back of Eggsy's head, gripping lightly at the
short strands of hair, like he might pull the boy off and manhandle him where
Harry wanted, or perhaps that was just Harry's imagination running where it
liked. "But you'll not sway me. We both have our duties to attend--mine is work
and yours is school and there is not a chance of you sitting around the shop
all day and behaving yourself quietly, regardless." Harry gripped the back of
Eggsy's head tighter and lifted him, gently but forcefully, by the hair to meet
Harry's gaze. Harry couldn't help the flash of teeth that got into his smile,
turning it into something...a little more predatory than he'd been going for.
Eggsy didn't notice, or not exactly - his gaze flickered to Harry's smile, but
most of his expression was swallowed by his pout. The boy had truly hoped to
win another day of leisure by appeal. Harry's denial wasn't held against him,
but Eggsy was disappointed nonetheless. Children didn't appreciate mandatory
school attendance no matter what age. "Fine. I guess I'll try somethin'
different next time, then." Eggsy tried to retain his air of disappointment,
but it was difficult to achieve when he was draped atop his crush, who'd
reciprocated his feelings and had invited him to try sleeping in his room with
him.
Harry raised a brow. "We'll see about that," he challenged, delighting in the
way Eggsy's eyes sparked in return. All Harry wanted to do was flip them over,
rub up against Eggsy, see if his ideas could compare at all to Harry's. But
Harry restrained himself. He pressed his palm to Eggsy's cheek and tempered his
smile. "Come on, then. Up you get. Time for bed." Eggsy's chin hit Harry's
breastbone and Harry's smile widened. He hadn't truly anticipated Eggsy to be
quite this endearing. It was both adorable and maddeningly arousing.
Eggsy lifted himself up, palms pressed against Harry's chest, and slid off. The
boy didn't have nearly as many qualms about going to bed as he did about
school, particularly if he got to see what sharing a bed with Harry was like.
Eggsy waited beside the sofa and watched Harry lever himself upright into a
sitting position. "Are you coming, too? Or not yet?"
"Yes, I think I will." Harry tried not to let his excitement get the better of
him. There was to be no more of that tonight, no matter how much he wanted it.
Harry let himself be tempted, but his resolve would have to remain. He climbed
up off the couch while Eggsy waited, eagerness in every line of his body. For
something so simple as sleeping in Harry's bed, it was remarkable how much he
could light up. Then again, Harry felt that very excitement pulling inside his
chest at the same thought.
Harry standing brought into sudden relief just how much larger than Eggsy he
was, nearly two of him. Eggsy's head came up barely to Harry's sternum. Harry
reached out and ruffled his hair, turning the lights out and pulling Eggsy
along with him.
Eggsy's disappointment at having to return to school was temporarily forgotten.
He'd remember in the morning, and make the usual complaints. He'd have time in
class to remember the courtroom and his mother, too, and Harry's talk about
jail, and fret over all of it. Right then, however, Eggsy's mind had no space
to think about such things. A large, warm hand was wrapped around his own, and
Eggsy could just barely see Harry's outline towering over him in the dark as he
led him up the stairs. Harry squeezed once and then let go once they were
outside the boy's room, and Eggsy slipped inside to go get his pyjamas.
Harry turned on the light in his own room. He had a dilemma. One that needed to
be taken care of sooner than later. So while Eggsy was rummaging through his
clothes in the guest room, Harry slipped into the bathroom and turned the water
on. With deft fingers, he undid his trousers and took himself in hand, still
insistently hard from their encounter on the couch and having Eggsy atop him
afterwards. He nearly hissed at the feel of it. With a bit of lotion and a few
hard pumps, it didn't take long for Harry to get himself worked up again. His
thoughts were on the boy in the next room as his hand jerked as silently as
possible, the way Eggsy had looked before, coming undone at Harry's touch, tiny
body wrapped all around him, the feel of Eggsy's small hardness in his hand.
Harry came hard enough that every muscle in his body felt it, every inch of him
tense, his fingers clawing at the ceramic basin of the sink.
He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and he looked...wrecked. Harry's
fingers trembled when he forced his body to relax. He cleaned himself up
quickly with a handful of tissues and then brushed his teeth, pretending that's
what he'd been doing all along before he shut off the water and opened the
bathroom door again.
Just in time. Eggsy had just reached the bathroom door, clad in the new pyjamas
Harry had bought him earlier that day. Rather than the too-long sleeves and
trouser legs of the pyjamas he had borrowed yesterday, Eggsy now wore a set
that was more suitable for his age. There was no longer any danger about his
shirt or trousers falling off of him, but the exchange was hardly less
titillating. A v-neck t-shirt with constellations on it drew Harry's eye right
to Eggsy's exposed collarbone and neck, and the pyjama set featured close
fitting shorts instead of baggy trousers.
Something must have shown in Harry's face - some sign of tension, or desire, or
a hint of what he'd been up to. Eggsy's contented smile faded into concern as
he looked up at his friend. "...are you alright?"
Harry shook himself. "Yes. Quite." He laughed at his own absurdity. "You look
very delectable like that," Harry admitted, dropping his gaze for the briefest
moment and tempering his smile almost shyly. When Eggsy blinked, harry leaned
down and kissed his cheek. Harry meant it to be a peck, but he lingered
instead, the warmth of afterglow in his stomach still making him feel a little
dazed and indulgent. When he straightened, Eggsy didn't seem to know where to
look, so Harry gave the boy the bathroom and went to his room, loosening his
tie as he went.
Eggsy lingered in the bathroom, brushing his teeth and savoring all the warm,
pleasant feelings the evening had generated for him. He couldn't see what Harry
saw in the bathroom mirror. Eggsy just thought he looked like himself, but if
Harry thought he was beautiful... well, that worked out for the best, and he
enjoyed hearing it and how Harry had expressed it with kisses and touches and
looks. Eggsy had never thought things would turn out this well. After all the
stress and hurt over the last few months, he finally felt like he had one
certain, good, safe thing in his life to help see him through.
Eggsy finished rinsing out his mouth and turned out the light. Then he walked
down the hall, away from his own bedroom and towards the doorway on the end
that he'd been tempted to visit just last night.
Eggsy got quite a sight when he tentatively pushed back the door. Harry was
standing in front of the mirror, already in his own pair of cotton pyjama
bottoms, but his shirt hung loosely off his shoulder as he undid the last cuff
link and shrugged out of it, folding it in half before setting it in the
laundry hamper. His eyes met Eggsy's in the mirror and Harry knew what the boy
would see without having to look himself--the long line of Harry's back and the
lean muscle moving underneath his skin as he bent to shrug on his nightshirt,
buttoning it up while pretending not to notice the way the boy was staring.
Harry was never going to get tired of the tiny thrill of dressing, and
undressing apparently, in front of Eggsy's eager eyes.
Eggsy remembered to breathe again. His chest expanded, but he felt like his
heart had too. Harry wasn't as perfect as the models or sports stars in some of
the magazine's he'd looked at, but he was far closer than Eggsy thought he'd
be, and besides that he was Harry. He'd gotten an eyeful of toned muscle, and a
glimpse of a couple of scars. Both were curious, but perhaps not so much once
Eggsy thought about it. Being a tailor didn't seem to be a particularly
dangerous or physical job, but Harry had been in some kind of special forces
before that. The scars were probably from back then, and it wasn't unlikely
that Harry would keep himself in shape even though he wasn't a soldier anymore.
Finally Harry turned around and met Eggsy's gaze face to face. With a small
smile, he patted the bed and pulled back the covers, motioning for Eggsy to
join him in climbing up. It was a much higher step for Eggsy, but Harry only
enjoyed watching the boy clamber up. He had to reach out and pull Eggsy down
with him or the boy might have just sat there on his knees, staring.
"Think you'll be able to sleep tonight?" Harry asked, wrapping an arm around
Eggsy's middle and tempted, so tempted, to let his hand run down Eggsy's arse
and exposed thigh.
"Maybe." Eggsy would have had a difficult time lying to Harry. It was plain
that he was excited and more than a little star-struck. Eggsy had nestled as
close as he dared, not really knowing how these things were done. He'd never
slept in the same bed with someone else that he could remember, and Eggsy
thought it would be awfully difficult to sleep knowing what he did about what
lay under Harry's shirt, or the fact that he could wake up in the middle of the
night and watch Harry sleeping. The older man could snore, for all he knew. "I
mean, I'll try. If I can't, I'll go back to my room, I guess."
Harry knew very well Eggsy wouldn't be going anywhere, but he smiled and nodded
genially anyway. "Very well, then."
Eggsy, even with half his face pressed into the pillow, was such a temptation
for Harry's eyes to linger upon. He barely looked sleepy, too caught up in
looking at Harry in return, but Harry knew Eggsy's body if not his mind had to
be exhausted from the day. Harry brushed his fingers over Eggsy's cheek,
meandering into his hair and down his neck before he reached behind himself
and, reluctantly, turned off the light. Before Eggsy could wonder what to do,
Harry drew the boy into his arms, fitting him snugly into the embrace. The was
the perfect size for it, curled up in the curve of Harry's body without the
danger of cutting off the flow of blood to Harry's arm.
Harry pressed a kiss to one soft ear and whispered, "Goodnight, Eggsy."
"G'night, Harry." Eggsy's breathing didn't slow for some time, but eventually
exhaustion won out, even over the boy's excitement. Eggsy went limp and
completely relaxed in Harry's embrace. His breathe tickled across Harry's arm,
and his ribs expanded and contracted with a steady rhythm. He was so delicate,
so vulnerable and trusting. Harry could have easily crushed him. He could have
done whatever he wanted. Eggsy wouldn't have been able to escape, either
physically or otherwise.
Harry waited a long time. Minutes ticked by until Eggsy's breathing deepened
further, until his eyes began to move behind his eyelids and Harry knew he was
good and under.
Gently, ever so gently, Harry ran his fingers down Eggsy's spine, watching the
boy's slackened face as he did so. He continued the motion and Eggsy didn't
wake. Harry brushed his hair, trailed his fingers softly against Eggsy's
temple, and still the boy didn't wake. With every touch, Harry grew a little
bolder, thumb drawing down Eggsy's cheek until it pressed lightly against his
lip. It was as soft as it had felt when Harry had kissed him and a low heat
began to kindle in Harry's stomach. He drew his hand away to run down Eggsy's
back again, this time lower, over his little round arse that was indeed as soft
as it looked. Harry lingered there with a sigh before his fingers swept down to
Eggsy's thigh, pushing the shorts up a little to touch bare skin.
Harry closed his eyes with that sensation in mind, saving it to his memory
before he drew his hand up again and folded it softly against the small of
Eggsy's back. He fell asleep to dreams of the boy in his arms.
===============================================================================
When Eggsy awoke hours later, it was to soft kisses against his cheek and neck
and a hand that had somehow found its way under the back of his shirt. It was
stroking up his side.
Eggsy had never awoken like this. The hand didn't tickle, but it made him
squirm all the same, pressing his legs against the mattress to arch against it
until his eyes opened and his brain caught up with his body, Eggsy woke slowly,
and surprise registered on his youthful face until he remembered what had
happened the previous night, Once he did, affection filled his eyes. "Mornin',
Harry. Guess you're not a snorer after all, huh?"
"I guess not," Harry mumbled from where he was kissing down Eggsy's collar
bone. He glanced up to see the boy, sleepy eyes and mussed hair looking back
down at him.
It wasn't yet light out, still well before they had to be awake, but Harry had
woken to his dreams and couldn't let it go. Eggsy was right there lying beside
him, and he wanted the boy so much. He kissed until he hit fabric and then
proceeded down Eggsy's chest anyway, turning him gently onto his back so that
Harry could lean over him, blankets sliding back from his shoulders but keeping
Eggsy warm with his touch all the same.
And Eggsy didn't struggle. He melted into the touches, looking up at Harry with
trusting eyes. He had no notion of that sort of betrayal, or how sex could turn
poisonous. Harry kissed him and desire lit him up from within, bringing a
healthy flush to his cheeks and tenting his shorts. Eggsy looked perfectly
content to let Harry continue, curious and wanting and only half-awake. "...do
I get to wake up like this ev'ryday?"
"It's very likely," Harry admitted with a grin. His hands hooked around Eggsy's
waist, pushing up his shirt so that Harry could touch more skin. It was
unbelievably soft, softer than anything Harry had felt in recent memory,
including the thousand-count bedsheets they currently rested upon. Harry ducked
his head and pressed his mouth to the boy's chest and this time he wasn't
subtle about it. His kisses were open mouthed, tongue brushing out to taste
Eggsy as he moved lower. Harry's hands drew up the boy's back, an unconscious
motion, ready to catch him if he pulled away.
Eggsy wasn't awake enough to know how to react, let alone experienced enough.
He let out a small moan and squirmed in Harry's grasp, his hands going to the
dark tangle of hair in front of him. Whatever half formed thoughts Eggsy might
have had about school that morning were thoroughly derailed by Harry's mouth
trailing down his sternum. The stimulation began to wake him fairly quickly.
Eggsy felt himself twitch against his shorts and he glanced down to watch
Harry's progress with dazed eyes.
Harry slowed only when his mouth reached the hem of Eggsy's shorts. He scraped
his teeth lightly over Eggsy's skin, hooking his fingers under the elastic
waist before he looked up. Eggsy didn't look like he was awake enough to make
any decisions on what he was or wasn't comfortable with. Harry could have
easily pulled the fabric down without another thought. He could make Eggsy feel
so good he wouldn't even think about, or have the time, to object. And Harry
fully intended to.
Their eyes met and Harry knew his purpose was plain in his gaze. Eggsy had to
have read it, for the boy fixed on him with such intensity, not daring even to
move. Harry drew the elastic down slowly, letting it brush against Eggsy's
arousal while Harry's mouth descended again on salty sweet skin. Eggsy couldn't
see what Harry was doing with his head in the way, but the boy could certainly
feel it. Harry pulled Eggsy's shorts all the way down to the boy's knees before
he dipped his head even lower, brushing warm air over Eggsy's little, hairless
cock.
Eggsy was suddenly completely, utterly awake. His breath left him in a
shuddering gasp. "...oh." Blood rushed lower, and Eggsy felt himself twitch
just millimeters from Harry's mouth. That alone was enough to drive him wild.
Just picturing what it would look like, with Harry's lips parted, swallowing
him-
Eggsy just about arched into him, and would have if Harry hadn't had a grip on
him. The older man was currently teasing the skin everywhere but where Eggsy
wanted it. The idea was intimidating, and Eggsy had no idea what he was really
in for, but Harry's tongue ventured out to taste the little groove above his
hip and Eggsy lost track of his thoughts. Lost track of his embarrassment,
even, for he didn't remember that Harry hadn't seen him the previous night.
Harry felt the boy's breath catch when he swiped his tongue over the tip of
Eggsy's cock. He let it linger there, feeling Eggsy tremble under his fingers,
letting the boy get used to the sensation for a few seconds until he felt Eggsy
twitch on his tongue. Harry dove in then. He wrapped his lips around Eggsy,
flattening his tongue around the length of it, and sucked. He felt Eggsy's
whole body clench, the muscles in the boy's legs drawing them taut under
Harry's weight. With his hands around Eggsy's hips, Harry felt every tremble
through his little body. It was magnificent. Harry couldn't help pressing his
hips into the bed below him in sympathy and only just restrained from doing it
again.
All of Eggsy's awareness drifted south. He couldn't even struggle, as much as
his body wanted to twitch and squirm from the shock of stimulation. His eyes
locked on Harry, blown wide and dark, and Eggsy wasn't able to help the whimper
that escaped his throat as he watched Harry swallow him down with pleasure. He
saw himself disappear between Harry's lips, and he just about lost himself.
Eggsy's hands moved down to tangle in Harry's dark hair, and all he could seem
to do was hold on.
Harry gave a soft groan from the back of his throat. Eggsy was practically
twitching underneath him, trying to thrust his hips and also trying to restrain
himself and not quite getting the rhythm of either. It was actually very sweet.
Harry leaned his head back and let Eggsy see him smile around the boy's cock.
He glanced up and their eyes caught before Harry went back to sucking. He was
going too slow, but he knew by now that he couldn't drag this out for long
before Eggsy would climax. Harry certainly had Eggsy's attention now, but he
had other plans.
Every other thought went out of the boy's head. He forgot his misgivings about
returning to school. He forgot about his guilt regarding his mother. He forgot
about his self-consciousness and his worries about how Harry might see him.
Everything narrowed down to the older man between his legs, and his mouth, and
his hands on his hips, and the way Harry had looked up at him. Eggsy's own
feelings and his lust came up to the forefront, and after he saw that Harry was
enjoying himself, it was all he could do not to grab onto the older man's head
and give himself over to sensation. Everything felt amazing, and all of it was
focused on Harry, and Eggsy wanted more.
Harry lifted his head when Eggsy began to tremble. The boy gave a soft whine
and then Harry was right there beside him, pressing his body next to Eggsy's,
pressing kisses to Eggsy's cheek before turning his head so that Harry could
press kisses against his mouth. Harry turned Eggsy and pulled his hips back
against Harry's, and for the first time, Eggsy felt him. Felt Harry's stiff
hardness pressing against his rear, and one thing was immediately clear--it was
much larger than his own. Harry's kisses didn't stop trailing down his neck,
and Harry's hands found their way under his shirt, one of them running up
Eggsy's chest while the other moved down to his hip.
Eggsy felt a spike of panic. Harry was keeping him drowning in endorphins, but
he felt the pressure against his buttocks just as clearly as he felt Harry's
hands sweeping over his chest and cupping his ribs, his hips, his arse. Eggsy's
recollections of the books he'd read came flooding back. Everything within them
seemed plausible for people who were more or less the same size, and even then
the instructional book had warned that things would probably hurt and that care
needed to be taken to avoid injury. Harry shifted against him and Eggsy felt
his breath catch. Want flooded through him, but worry too. He couldn't imagine
that Harry wouldn't hurt him. He was just so much bigger.
"Shhh, Eggsy. It's okay," Harry's voice whispered into his ear. Harry's hand
moved down between his legs, brushing gently, teasingly over Eggsy's arousal
and drawing a whimper out of the boy that was half pleasure and half worry
before Harry's hand dipped lower. Long fingers drew down the inside of Eggsy's
thigh, parting it until Harry shifted. Eggsy felt the man undo his pyjama
trousers behind him, and for some reason Harry licked his hand, but then it
became clear. The wet head of Harry's cock pushed between Eggsy's thighs as
Harry's fingers closed over Eggsy's arousal again, and then the man's voice was
in his ear, hushing him softly. "Just this," Harry whispered. He sounded
ragged. "Please, Eggsy, just this."
Eggsy felt dizzy, He could feel Harry between his thighs, feel the precum
making them slick and Harry thrusting against him. He even felt the tip of
Harry's cock brush between his cheeks, getting dangerously close to a very
private spot and he had a brief moment of panic. He gasped and Harry caught his
mouth, ate it up and pressed inward. Eggsy felt the warm, velvety texture of
Harry's tongue sweep inside while his hand worked and then his legs parted. He
wrapped around Harry as best he could.
It brought such a whimper from Harry that it almost didn't sound like him, but
that sound told Eggsy he'd definitely done something Harry liked. Harry kissed
his ear and pressed his mouth against Eggsy's neck. There was nothing chaste
about it any longer, not with Harry's tongue tasting him, his teeth nipping at
Eggsy's flesh, his body pressed tight to Eggsy's back, and his length driving
between Eggsy's thighs. Harry never let go of him though. With fingers wet with
saliva, he stroked Eggsy in time with the rhythm of his thrusts. Harry's free
arm wrapped around Eggsy's torso, holding him to Harry like Harry couldn't get
close enough or feared Eggsy would move.
Eggsy was too inexperienced to last long. He gasped into Harry's ear, and then
everything tightened. His spine archedm and his legs drew Harry closer, and he
felt himself harden further still until he was twitching into Harry's hand. The
older man held him throughout it all, tongue and mouth on his neck, fingers
wrapped around his bare length, and his own cock sliding between his thighs
while he came. Harry weighted him down, but not so much that he couldn't
breathe. All Eggsy felt was warmth and pressure and Harry's breath on his neck
and his cock between his legs.
Harry let go just before it became too sensitive. His hand gripped Eggsy's
legs, pulling them even tighter together while Harry's thrusts picked up speed.
He couldn't help turning into Eggsy, pressing the boy down just a little.
Harry's soft pants grew louder. Eggsy was so pliant in his arms like this,
letting Harry do what he would, but under all of it Harry could feel the thread
of uncertainty still taut in Eggsy's body. Eggsy had never seen him before, not
below the waist at least, and all he could do was glimpse and feel Harry.
Harry pressed just a little more, aware of his weight, but unable to help the
temptation. His whole body was tight with desire and restraint. His fingers
splayed against Eggsy's chest. He gripped the boy's thighs harder and when
Eggsy squirmed, moving them together, Harry came hard between them with a gasp.
Eggsy felt it. He noticed the moment Harry grew harder between his thighs and
pressed him down against the mattress, and then a warm stickiness. Eggsy's eyes
widened, but he couldn't see anything - or at least, not anything that wasn't
Harry's body against him. His arms circled Harry's torso and he felt the older
man twitch. He knew what was happening from the books he'd read, and
conversations with his peers. Part of him was still frightened. Part of him was
ecstatic.
Harry wanted him. Really wanted him, enough that just thrusting against him was
enough to make him come.
Harry came down from it slowly, blinking and sighing into Eggsy's neck. He
shifted his weight off the boy, just enough to the side not to break the
embrace, but far enough not to hurt Eggsy. Harry pulled his trousers up and
then Eggsy's, cleaning the damp spot between the boy's thighs with the
material. It was the only thing at hand. Harry found himself flushing before he
realised it, and by then it was already too late. He turned to look at Eggsy
and Eggsy could surely see it, so Harry smiled, pressed his hand to Eggsy's
cheek, and searched the boy's face.
True to his own insecurity and infatuation, Eggsy clung to Harry. He looked
back at Harry with no small measure of awe, but there wasn't any hint of fear
or disgust that Harry might have worried about. Eggsy's body pressed forward
and fitted against him. Eggsy's face was flushed too, both from climax and
everything else that had happened. Feeling how big Harry was had been
intimidating, but Harry hadn't done anything to hurt him, and it was proof that
their attraction was more equal. People could lie with their words, but lying
with their bodies was more difficult.
When Eggsy finally gave Harry a small smile, Harry leaned in and kissed his
forehead. Eggsy may have been greatly inexperienced, his imagination may not
adhere exactly to reality, but Eggsy was getting used to this.
Harry hummed and offered the boy a smile back, brushing his fingers through
Eggsy's hair in gentle, reassuring touches. "Good morning." Harry's smile
curved wider. His voice was still a little hoarse from sleep, but he sounded
happy in that moment.
Eggsy fixated on Harry's face and the touch of his hand. Harry’s weight was
comforting, but his expression was more than that. Harry was making sure Eggsy
was alright, even if he wasn't saying as much. Harry's sleep-disheveled hair
was a bit ridiculous, as was his voice, but Eggsy loved it in that moment.
"...m-mornin'." He shifted, and the feeling of the sticky dampness between his
thighs made him blush and try to imagine what Harry looked like. "...is this
what sleeping over is like every night?"
"It very well could be." Harry relaxed the more Eggsy did. "Worth the extra
shower, I think." Harry closed his eyes and burrowed into the pillow between
them, drawing his arm down Eggsy's back and letting himself be comforted just
to know Eggsy was close and that the boy was still his. Harry could go back to
sleep like this. Certainly he knew Eggsy could. He'd been all for getting out
of school any way he could the night prior, and Harry's smile grew remembering
it. Eggsy's pout warmed him inside before he opened his eyes again and found
Eggsy watching him. The warmth didn't go away. Harry enjoyed the moment just a
little longer before he leaned over and whispered into eggsy's ear. "Time to
get up."
Eggsy immediately groaned. He didn't want to move. Not from this, and certainly
not to go sit through a bunch of classes that were going to bore him to tears.
Or to face the questions his friends were going to have for him. Everyone would
want to know what was going on and why he'd temporarily switched schools, and
Eggsy didn't want to face it. Having Harry wrapped around him all day, or close
by in all his finery, seemed much better than going back to brave the
neglectful, bitter teaching staff and judgmental students "Do I gotta? Can't I
have one day in the tailor shop with you, or somethin'?"
Harry kissed his ear. "Afraid not. You've been missing too much school as it
is." He leaned up on one elbow and swept his hand down Eggsy's side, grinning
as he patted the boy's rear. That got Eggsy's attention and Harry couldn't help
chuckling before he pulled himself up and with one last brush of his lips
against Eggsy's cheek, pushed the remaining covers back and turned the light
on.
It wouldn't be dark out for very much longer, and Harry was awake now.
Impossible not to be after such a morning. He slid off the bed and brushed his
fingers through Eggsy's hair.
"You can rest until I get back, then the bathroom's all yours."
Eggsy groaned and turned over. His face was burrowed against the pillow, and he
was oblivious to how tempting a sight he made - arse turned upright and curved
beneath his brightly colored pants and shorts, with a delicate arch of back
above and soft legs below. Harry could even see the damp circle between Eggsy's
legs from where they'd rubbed against one another. The impulse to return and
press the boy down against the mattress was overwhelming, and yet Harry turned
and left, putting one foot in front of the other until he got to the bathroom
and his hand closed around the showerhead faucet.
Harry disrobed and stood under the hot water with his eyes closed for a good
five minutes. He couldn't believe this morning. Every sensation from the water
running down his face to the way he'd woken up hard from dreams of little Eggsy
Unwin to the boy lying right there next to him, just waiting to be touched, all
of it, was complete bliss.
He washed and dried quickly after that. Brushing his teeth and shaving were
almost thoughtless tasks. What was truly remarkable was how awake he was, and
Harry strongly suspected being with Eggsy had much to do with it. He left the
bathroom in his robe, light on and towel ready for his guest, before Harry
returned to the bedroom to find Eggsy hadn't moved.
Harry laughed softly and leaned over him, blowing warm air into his ear and
making it tickle. "Shower's all yours. Come down for breakfast in fifteen."
Eggsy stirred and was treated to the sight of Harry moving about the bedroom,
opening the closet and the dresser and pulling layers onto himself. Skin
disappeared beneath fine woven fabrics, but not entirely; Eggsy could still
make out the shape of Harry's body when everything was zipped up and buttoned,
like his clothing was just another layer of skin. Eggsy watched Harry move and
felt something warm stir in his chest. Something caused by more than simply
following the outlines of the older man's body. When Harry looked down, Eggsy
could see his neck crease. His skin was rougher. There was a slight softness to
Harry's stomach despite the defined muscles and athletic build, and the dim
light seemed to enhance the grooves in his face.
Eggsy thought he was gorgeous. He stared for as long as he could, and when
Harry turned towards him with an expectant look and an arched brow, Eggsy
scrambled out of bed. "Ok, ok. Right. I'll see you downstairs." Eggsy retreated
down the hall to his room just long enough to snag a fresh set of clothes.
Moments later, he had the shower running again.
Harry grinned and draped his tie and jacket over an arm before heading
downstairs. He whipped up pancakes and coffee, wanting Eggsy to find something
worth coming down for lest the boy be tempted to crawl back into bed after his
shower. Harry was pleased, very pleased, knowing Eggsy was up there washing up,
all wet and nude and enjoying the hot water as much as Harry had...Harry didn't
need to see it. He had already. And he could. Whenever he wanted to now. Or
almost whenever. It was a wonderful feeling, like walking on air.
Eggsy washed quickly. He didn't need to linger just then, even though he wanted
to. It was too soon to have a second round, though his thoughts stayed on Harry
even so. He kept remembering the way Harry looked when he glanced up from
between Eggsy’s legs, or afterwards when he'd crawled up and thrust between
them. Eggsy's eyes shut tightly and he rinsed off as fast as he could, drying
off and throwing on his new clothes.
Even those brought other memories with them, of Harry watching him pick out
what he wanted and smiling back, giving his approval. Eggsy pressed his palm to
his mouth and muffled a groan. Harry might be sending him back to school, but
he was going to be distracted all day.
By the time Eggsy came downstairs, the pancakes were ready and steaming on a
plate next to a small pile of sausages. Harry dished up several for them both,
with juice for Eggsy and coffee for himself, before he sat down to the table,
waiting expectantly for Eggsy to follow.
Eggsy looked...very good in his new clothes. Harry let his gaze linger on the
boy as he sat down and didn't try to hide it. "I'll have to get you a key,"
Harry mused. "I'll pick you up tonight, but I'll be working late quite often.
Do you think you can manage the bus back?"
Eggsy took a minute to respond. He'd already started digging in and couldn't
manage talking around a mouth full of pancakes. "Um... yeah, that shouldn't be
a problem. Mum worked late all the time and I had to let myself in. I just
gotta figure out which bus to take now, and where to get off." Another bite of
pancakes, and then Eggsy was looking more closely at Harry. Nothing about him
looked off, but something was odd. Eggsy couldn't quite put his finger on it.
"People are that pushy about clothing? I thought your shop closed pretty
early."
"We close to the public by late afternoon, but work doesn't stop then and
there. And we often take special appointments for clients who are willing to
pay for it." Harry sipped his coffee and took a bite of pancake, unfazed. "I'll
help you go through the map tonight. We can find a route and backup if need be.
And you'll have your phone as well." Harry knew he didn't look worried, and
indeed he wasn't. He had faith Eggsy could get from his school to Harry's house
without trouble. He'd seen the boy do it often enough both with his friends and
by himself. Still, he found himself considering getting Eggsy a taser.
"Clients who'd mind me waitin' and doin' homework in back?" Eggsy shot Harry an
optimistic look, which wilted slightly at Harry's expression. "Ok, fine. I'll
wait back here. Just, I dunno, let me know if I'm gonna be waiting too long? If
it's too late I'll make myself something in the kitchen instead of waiting all
night for you to get home. Mum used to have that and be too tired to make
dinner, so I made toasted cheese sandwiches or something for the both of us."
Harry nodded and lifted the corner of his mouth. "That can certainly be
arranged. And if I come home and it's not too late to wait, I can bring
something along. You won't have to wait up every night, but you should know
that it'll be fairly common." Harry drained the rest of his coffee and dug into
his pancakes. He knew that life with him wasn't going to be a complete fantasy,
but there were things he could do still to keep Eggsy happy. And perhaps
redirect his phone line while he was away so that Susan wouldn't check in on
Michelle's orders and find Harry had left her nephew alone in the house.
"Okay." Eggsy seemed mollified by that, at least. He cleaned off the rest of
his plate quickly. He spent more time staring at Harry then not, and both of
their smiles grew wider in fractions until Eggsy found himself laughing and
Harry following not long after. Eggsy's voice was higher pitched and joyful,
while Harry's was a bit more hesitant but deep and supportive, wrapping around
the boy and warming the room with the sound.
Eggsy bussed their dishes to the kitchen sink like Michelle had taught him. He
barely left Harry's side, pouting once more when Harry made him fetch his
backpack and put on his jacket, and then they were out the door. Eggsy found he
couldn't be too disappointed; he was getting to see his friends again, after
all, and then he had Harry to come home to.
Driving to school in the early morning hours through the congestion of rush
hour was a new experience for both of them. Harry had never driven anyone to
school before, much less been on the grounds of one in years. Eggsy was used to
taking the bus. It was...almost a treat for Harry, spending a few last minutes
with Eggsy before he saw him off for the day.
Harry squeezed his hand and they shared a look before Eggsy got out of the car.
Harry felt confident that he managed to convey just how fond he was of the boy
without being able to show it just then, not with other parents dropping off
their children all around them. He gave Eggsy a quick wave that the boy
returned before he jogged off to join the hordes of other children making their
way inside.
When Harry pulled away, heading back south to Savile Row, he thought he might
have been living in a dream.
***** Chapter 10 *****
Chapter Notes
     Extra warning on this chapter for torture, (mostly offscreen) rape,
     and minor character death. See end notes for further details.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
The dream lasted through the next few days. Eggsy wasn't the least bit put out
at having to return to school, or the catch-up homework he'd received. His
friends had been impressed by his new clothes and sympathetic to his stories
about life with his aunt, and when Harry came to pick him up Eggsy was upbeat
and talkative. Dinner was a relaxed affair that flowed into homework and a
segment of a film; Eggsy curled up against Harry's side until he began to doze
off and Harry was forced to carry him up to bed.
They fell into a routine, with Harry waking the boy with his mouth and Eggsy
clinging to him while Harry slid between his thighs. They had breakfast
together before Eggsy's new bus came to pick him up, negating Harry's need to
drive him, and then each of them would go about their day. Eggsy grew used to
having to let himself into the house with the new key Harry had made for him.
The house was strangely empty without Harry there, but not entirely - Mr.
Pickle was always happy to see Eggsy and keep him company, and he needed walks
besides. Harry's neighbors quickly grew used to the sight of the boy tugging Mr
Pickle along on his leash.
So far the balance between work and home had not brought Harry any great
difficulty either. Which was as well as he'd expected, even if he knew it
wouldn't last forever. Overnight missions were almost always planned in advance
and there were enough knights for the work to go around. On the nights Harry
was hung up meeting some mark or scoping some location, or even a few times
flying off to neighbouring countries for half a day and then flying back, he
always managed to call Eggsy if he was going to be late.
On those nights, Harry redirected his regular phone line to his cell, and any
messages that came from Susan rang until they went to his voicemail.
Diligently, however, he always made sure to call her back when he returned home
and Eggsy could sit beside him and talk, telling her about how his day was and
how things were with Harry. He always asked about his mum, too, and Susan's
news so far was always the same: the investigation was pending, but Michelle
was managing.
Harry knew she regularly took calls from Dean, who, while in prison, needed
someone on the outside. Michelle in turn needed his help to convey to the
authorities that she was ignorant to his dealings. It was all well and good for
Harry that the two began to lean on each other more and more.
One night, when Harry was late getting back, Eggsy was a bit more subdued than
normal. A few questions about his day revealed nothing amiss, and Harry
couldn't detect any lies, but Eggsy watched him with thoughtful eyes whenever
he believed Harry couldn't see him. Whatever was on Eggsy's mind, he didn't
reveal it during dinner, or afterwards when he pitched in to help Harry clear
up.
So Harry let Eggsy examine him. He went about as though it didn't spark his
instincts, but out of the corner of his eye, Harry watched Eggsy watch him. He
had thought about trying something new that night as they sat on the couch,
leaving the light on, putting the boy in his lap and bringing Eggsy off with
him. Or perhaps getting Eggsy under him and sucking the boy off before he
helped Eggsy return the favour with his hands as he was still quite shy. But
this curious mood redirected Harry's plans for the evening and he knew he
wouldn't be able to let it go without discovering what was on Eggsy's mind.
Harry stretched out on the couch in his usual spot, waiting for Eggsy to either
follow or hesitate.
Eggsy followed, but slowly. He didn't take his place next to Harry right away.
His gaze traveled over the older man first, drinking in the sight and gauging
how he was feeling before Eggsy closed the last bit of distance. The sofa
cushions dipped, and Eggsy settled down, feet tucked up and nestled against
Harry's shoulder.
Whatever thoughts Eggsy had had percolating must have been bothering him for
most of the day. Eggsy snuck one more look at Harry out of the corner of his
eye. "...um. Can... I ask you a question, Harry?"
"Of course you can." Harry shifted to wrap his arm comfortably around Eggsy
before he grabbed the telly guide off the coffee table and began to peruse it,
more to make the boy relax than to find anything interesting to watch. Harry
kept his body loose, every detail he projected outwardly relaxed, but inwardly
he sifted through a multitude of causes for Eggsy's sudden discomfort.
"Do you... um." Eggsy fished for words, but he only seemed awkward and shy. Not
scared, or at least not scared of Harry. Eggsy took a deep breath and tried
again, letting the words spill out instead of considering them too much. "I
just... I really like what we've been doing. A lot. I really do. But... I mean,
you've seen me quite a few times now, sort of... I mean, you kinda have to,
considering-"
Eggsy blushed, momentarily thrown off track by the memory of Harry's mouth
around his cock. "But you're always careful, and I haven't seen you. Just your
shirt off. You don't seem to mind, but... I was just wondering why?"
Harry blinked and dropped the guide back on the table before he turned to look
at Eggsy. "That's what you're worried about?" Harry broke into a grin before he
placed his hands on either side of Eggsy's face and kissed the boy. "Come
here." He drew Eggsy to sit in his lap so that Harry could better look at him.
"Would you like to try something else?" Harry chased Eggsy's eyes so he
couldn't look away. "I've been...taking all this a bit slow. You were very shy
at first. I didn't want to frighten you."
Eggsy nodded. Talking about this was difficult and embarrassing. Sex was
something you weren't supposed to talk about, or at least that was what society
said. Society also said that Harry and he were not supposed to be doing this at
all. "Yeah, something else would be nice. Not that I don't like what we've been
doing, 'cause I do."
Harry got a knowing light in his eye and Eggsy found himself flustered and
blushing all over again. Having a much more experienced boyfriend had benefits,
but it also made Harry a great deal more intimidating. "I like that we've been
going slow, too. I don't really know what kind of stuff I like or want yet. I
just felt kinda bad, y'know? Like, wondering if you liked touching me but
didn't want me touching you for some reason."
"Oh no, Eggsy. I would very much like for you to touch me." Harry didn't worry
now about the way the direction of their conversation was starting to arouse
his interest, rather noticeably, beneath where Eggsy sat. "I had thought about
it while we sat here, you know." Harry drew forward and brought his voice to a
whisper. "Whether you would let me spread you out on this sofa. ...whether
you'd let me wrap your hand around my cock and show you how to touch me. Do you
think you'd like that?" Harry bit softly at the lobe of Eggsy's ear.
Eggsy's eyes had grown wide. His earlier fears were put to rest now; after
that, worried that Harry didn't want to be seen or didn't like the idea of
Eggsy touching him back were pretty firmly unravelled. The images Harry's words
brought to mind, though... Eggsy hadn't seen him, but he'd felt him every
morning and seen a bit of what Harry looked like above the waist. He'd wondered
and fantasized, and now Harry was giving him the chance to look and touch, and
maybe even things up a bit between them.
Because it wasn't fair. Things weren't equal, not so long as Harry could see
and touch and taste him and Eggsy couldn't do the same. Even if he was a little
frightened by how much bigger Harry was than him and how things might work.
Eggsy's throat closed up, but he let out a small gasp and nodded. Harry's
tongue followed the edge of his ear and made it difficult to find the right
words. "Y-yeah. Fuck, Harry, I mean-... s-sorry. I just, I wanna learn."
Harry laughed. "Don't censor yourself on my account. I like your filthy mouth."
He nuzzled and kissed Eggsy's cheek before pulling back just enough to see the
boy. Eggsy sported colour high in his cheeks again. Harry decided he liked that
look on Eggsy very much. Eggsy shifted and Harry felt it, and this time he
didn't try to hide the sensation. He caught Eggsy by the hips, keeping him in
place, and closed his eyes. Harry breathed out slowly. Very deliberately, he
pressed his hips up under Eggsy. "You can feel what you do to me, yes?" He felt
more than heard the boy gasp in return. "And you'd like to feel a little more?"
It was flattering, being wanted. Particularly when so many other things made
Eggsy feel unwanted and a burden. Harry didn't complain about how much he ate,
or how expensive his clothes were. He didn't invade his privacy and comb
through the room he'd been given, or criticize his sexuality or his choice of
friends. Harry wanted him there, enough to be physically affected, and enough
to go fight for him in court. Eggsy's face felt like it was burning, and he
lost his nerve for a second and hugged Harry tight, his face hidden against the
older man's chest.
"Yeah. And I want to touch you. It just... I feel weird, with you touching me
and I can't touch you back." Eggsy's words were mumbled against Harry's shirt
front.
Harry chuckled and kissed the top of Eggsy's head. "We can certainly remedy
that. You've gotten me all worked up now, after all. Would you like to go
upstairs?" Harry wouldn't have minded staying right there on the couch, but
upon further reflection he decided that his bed would make a much more
comfortable setting for Eggsy's explorations. One that would allow them greater
range of movement as well. If Harry was very lucky, he could be shedding both
of their clothes before the night was through.
Eggsy nodded again. He didn't know what he was supposed to say. It seemed too
forward to tell Harry that he wanted to look at and touch his cock, or see him
nude, or be told more. Harry seemed confident and comfortable, but Eggsy was
anything but. He had no experience. He felt self-conscious next to Harry. Harry
was so much bigger and more knowledgeable. Eggsy had to look up, even when they
were both sitting, and everything about Harry was bigger. His hands, his mouth,
his cock. Harry had never done anything threatening, but Eggsy still felt
lesser.
Harry's fingers lifted his chin and the man caught his eyes. Eggsy may have
been nervous, but there was a mischievous glint in Harry's gaze. "Come on,
then."
Harry lifted him right up off the couch, catching Eggsy in his arms and
wrapping his legs around Harry's waist, and Harry didn't hide how much he
enjoyed it for the entire trek up the stairs. Eggsy had been carried in Harry's
arms before, but never quite with this intention behind it.
The first thing Harry did was close the shades. With the lights on and the
early fall of darkness at this time of year, it didn't make much difference to
the light in the room, and yet the significance twisted Eggsy's gut into knots.
Harry set him down on the bed, and then Harry sat down next to Eggsy and let
his fingers go to his tie, loosening it even farther than he'd done when he'd
come home that evening, sliding the knot free and pulling it down his
shoulders.
Eggsy watched in breathless anticipation. Harry's fingers worked slowly down
the buttons of his shirt, revealling an ever widening amount of skin. Eggsy
wasn't able to keep himself from staring. Luckily, Harry seemed to find that
flattering, or at least amusing. His cuffs were the last to go, and he drank in
Eggsy's slack jawed looked before shrugging out of his shirt and bending down
to press a kiss to Eggsy's mouth.
The boy didn't know where to look. Harry trailed away from his mouth to tease
his neck and ears and chest, and so much bare skin was right there... ending at
the waistband of Harry's trousers and a cut that was no longer leaving much to
the imagination, given the tension of the fabric. Eggsy wondered for a few
moments whether he was already allowed to touch, then swallowed down his
courage and let his fingers drift towards the zipper and button holding his
curiosity at bay.
Harry, however, was not about to let himself be the only one of the two of them
undressed. He tugged off Eggsy's light jacket, interfering briefly with his
progress at Harry's zipper, but left Eggsy's hands to explore after that. Harry
didn't stare at him either, which was a small relief. Harry returned his mouth
to Eggsy's neck and let his hands wander up the boy's shirt.
When Eggsy got the zipper all the way down, Harry shifted his hips to give him
better access. He moved his mouth to Eggsy's ear so he could hear as well as
see what he was doing to Harry, even if Eggsy hadn't even properly touched him
yet.
Harry's trousers still got in the way, just not as much. The fabric parted,
giving Eggsy a tantalizing view of Harry's waist, and the way his hips tapered,
and the growing interest straining the grey pants underneath. Eggsy couldn't
help but stare a bit at the damp circle near the tip that was only growing
larger. His hand reached out, and Harry shifted the moment Eggsy touched him.
His fingertips touched sticky dampness and silken fabric. Eggsy could only
imagine what Harry might look like underneath.
Harry sighed into Eggsy's ear. "That feels exquisite." He caught the boy's eyes
darting toward him before they shied away from his face. Harry grinned into
Eggsy's neck before he lightly scraped his teeth there.
Harry toed off his shoes and helped Eggsy along, lifting himself enough to slip
the waist of his trousers down his hips and step out of them. Only his pants
remained and they left very little to the imagination.
Eggsy's breath shortened. Taking himself in hand was one thing. Imagining
trying to take Harry in hand was another. There was no way that one hand could
possibly reach all the way around. He'd have to use both. Harry's voice in his
ear was sending goosebumps across the boy's skin and shivers down his spine.
Eggsy let his thumb slide over the damp spot and the resulting sound Harry made
send a jolt of lust and fright through him. Eggsy was used to Harry being
gentle and overly considerate, but something about the situation made him feel
like he was just on the other side of something dangerous.
Harry's hand closed over Eggsy's. He moved Eggsy's palm over the hardened
length beneath the last thin layer of fabric and Eggsy could feel the shape of
it like never before. Harry's kisses didn't stop until he hooked his finger in
the waistband of his pants and finally drew back the last layer between them.
Eggsy was absolutely right, Harry was much, much bigger. There was no
comparison. Fully erect as he was, the head of his cock stood out dark and pink
and leaking a little at the very tip. Eggsy could tell that was a sign Harry
was very turned on. When Eggsy hesitated, Harry's hand caught his again and
brought them together down to touch the shaft.
Eggsy didn't know what he'd been expecting. It was like touching himself, in a
way, and yet completely different, because it wasn't himself and Harry was so
much bigger. There was more to touch, and Harry's skin seemed hotter, and yet
there was the same softness to the skin, even though it was slicker from
precum. Eggsy was glad Harry was guiding him, else he might have lost his
nerve. He was staring, and he couldn't help it. He was remembering
illustrations from the books he'd read.
"My dear boy, you are going to drive me to madness," Harry had no sooner purred
than Eggsy found himself lying on his back, Harry above him, pushing the hem of
his shirt up and above his head.
Harry became intent on undressing Eggsy. His hands went to the button of
Eggsy's trousers. Harry undid it and didn't bother with the rest, just tugged
them down Eggsy's hips along with his pants. A devilish grin formed across
Harry's face as he did so, and soon enough, Eggsy was just as bare. Only then
did Harry slow down. He came to lay beside Eggsy, running a hand up the boy's
side and taking him in just as Eggsy had done with Harry moments ago. Harry
drew his fingers down Eggsy's hip, teasingly brushing them lower and lower.
"I'd eat you all up if I could," Harry admitted softly.
The admission broke Eggsy out into gooseflesh again. His gaze flickered up
towards Harry's face, and something about it made him uneasy. There was
something about Harry's smile and the look in his eyes that made Eggsy feel far
more vulnerable than he usually felt. Harry wasn't even doing anything, but he
gave the impression that he was about to pounce at any moment.
"Don't... you do that already though?" Eggsy thought of their morning routines
and blushed, and his gaze was drawn lower again. Harry was barely circled by
his palm, and Eggsy tried to imagine doing to him what Harry did in the
mornings, and failed. He didn't think Harry could fit in his mouth. He felt a
bit frightened to even try.
"Oh no," Harry leaned closer, lifting himself just enough to press kisses along
Eggsy's jaw until he could whisper against the boy's mouth. "We've barely even
begun." And with that, Harry's fingers closed around Eggsy's cock and Harry's
weight shifted, drawing himself up to press against Eggsy, side by side, just a
little higher so Eggsy didn't have to reach so far. It didn't take much for him
to lean over Eggsy, nor for him to roll his hips into the boy's hand, but he
seemed intent that Eggsy should enjoy this too, and his slow strokes never
faltered. Harry set a pace for Eggsy to follow with them.
Harry wasn't smothering him, he wasn't putting all of his weight on Eggsy's
chest so he couldn't draw air, but the boy found himself gasping for breath.
Harry's brown eyes seemed darker and more intent than usual. His hand wrapped
around Eggsy's cock without any trouble, but when he moved - Eggsy felt the
shaft in his hand slide, the foreskin moving back to reveal more of the
darkened head. A few thrusts like that, and Eggsy was having trouble holding
on. His second hand joined his first and Harry made a noise of approval. Eggsy
laced his fingers together, but it was difficult to know what to do. Everything
was at a different angle than what he normally did for himself.
Harry rested his weight on one shoulder in order to free his other hand. He
wrapped it around Eggsy's, helping him along as their rhythm quickened. Harry
let out a soft groan and kissed him. He opened Eggsy's mouth with soft nips and
then Harry's tongue found its way inside, a strange and sensual counterpoint to
the heated sensations his fingers were drawing out of Eggsy below. Harry
pressed against him like he wanted more, like he couldn't get enough of Eggsy
even as he increased the pace.
Harry wanted to say so many things, all of it he knew would frighten the boy.
It was still too early. Eggsy could be brave, but in this he needed guidance.
So Harry gritted his teeth and spoke what he wanted to in gasps and whispers of
encouragement.
Eggsy felt overwhelmed as it was. Harry's tongue in his mouth was new and
strange, and not as off-putting as he thought it might have been from the
descriptions in the books. Strange, and wet, and it only served to remind him
of how much bigger Harry was than him, but not unpleasant. Even that reminder
was starting to become something of a turn-on; Eggsy knew on some level that
Harry could do anything to him and he wouldn't be able to fight back, and
something about that made him want to get closer.
Harry's tongue, however... The older man delved into his mouth nearly in time
with the shift of his hips. Eggsy felt the shaft trapped between his hands grow
slicker and slide back and forth, but Harry's mouth reminded him of everything
else he'd seen: images in the instructional book Harry had bought for him
detailing how men had penetrative sex, and how enjoyable it was for both
partners, and photographs of artwork taken from old Greek vases and frescoes.
Eggsy realized Harry was quite possibly thinking of the same thing when Harry
turned over him, pressed against Eggsy, careful not to smother him, but there
was no helping the way Harry loomed over him. He fitted his hips in between
Eggsy's, leaving just enough room for their hands, but not enough for Eggsy's
legs and he had to spread them for Harry, which only seemed to get Harry even
harder. The only times he stopped kissing Eggsy was to glance down between
them, watching himself slip between their hands and feel Eggsy hard in his
other. Then Harry did something strange. He let his fingers slip lower,
loosening his grip on Eggsy long enough to slide behind his balls and press
just there. Harry's hand was large enough that he used the flat of his palm to
keep teasing Eggsy's cock, but his fingers found a new and very sensitive spot.
Eggsy squirmed and gasped, partly from anxiety and partly from the sensation.
He'd touched the same spot before, just from washing and regular exploration,
but Harry was doing something different. The pressure sent tingles of pleasure
through him, up his cock and also in the other direction, down into the pool of
heat at his core and setting off a dull ache. Harry's fingers rubbed gently,
back and forth, and Eggsy had to close his eyes and break off the kiss with a
whine.
"Remember that feeling," Harry whispered into his ear and didn't let up. Eggsy
could feel the thrusts of Harry's hips turn rigid. Harry sounded composed, but
everything his body gave Eggsy said otherwise and Eggsy knew he was having
trouble holding on. Harry ducked his head, scraped his teeth against Eggsy's
collarbone in a way that was just a little too rough before he soothed the spot
with his tongue. Harry whimpered and kissed along Eggsy's neck like he couldn't
stop. His thrusts became focused and his hand over Eggsy's squeezed just a
little harder, turned the pace just a little faster, and then Harry rocked his
hips down and he was coming, spilling into both their hands.
The feel of it was a shock. Eggsy had only a moment to notice Harry turn a bit
harder beneath his palms and twitch, and then hot liquid slipped through his
fingers and onto his stomach and chest. Eggsy glanced down in time to watch the
last of it spill out between his fingers while Harry's breath washed over his
neck and turned into a kiss.
Eggsy's torso was a mess. He let go of Harry's cock and parted his fingers,
watching the cum stretch between them in sticky strands and run down his hands.
Harry grinned and lifted himself to see better. "Couple years yet before
that'll happen to you," he told Eggsy and then moved down the boy's body. Harry
kissed his hip and that was all the warning Eggsy got before a hot tongue was
wrapping around his cock, just like Harry did at night sometimes, but this time
Eggsy got to see it quite clearly. When Eggsy's hips bucked instinctively,
Harry pinned him down. He didn't just hold Eggsy there though. Harry's hands
wrapped around his hips, reaching back to squeeze his arse while Harry sucked
harder. Then one of Harry's hands came down again to find that spot just behind
Eggsy's balls and he pressed there lightly in time with the strokes of his
tongue.
Eggsy's cry was a choked off thing. Seeing Harry swallow him in the light,
rather than the darkness of night or early morning, made the feeling more
intense. He watched himself disappear, sliding in and out between Harry's lips,
and all the while the older man's hands were elsewhere. Each press of his
fingers brought an answering hunger that built until Eggsy couldn't take it
anymore and began to squirm. He needed more, and Harry wasn't letting him have
it. Hands held him down whenever he tried to thrust upwards, and Harry's mouth
slowed down, drawing the sensation out until Eggsy began to whimper.
Harry worked him like that for another minute or two before he pulled off. He
reached into the bedside table for something Eggsy couldn't see, but then Harry
was at his ear again. Eggsy heard a faint snap, like that of a bottle cap, and
then Harry's fingers, slick with some kind of gel wrapped around him and
continued their lazy stroking.
"There is something else I can do for you," Harry said softly. "If you trust
me."
It was so difficult for Eggsy to think clearly. Pleasure was humming through
his veins, and want, and need. Harry was right there, as gorgeous as he'd ever
been in Eggsy's imagination - more so, because he was real. Eggsy's imagination
had never quite caught the mischievous twist to Harry's smile, or the way his
brown eyes lit up with warmth or turned black and earthy with want. One of
Harry's fingers circled the head of Eggsy's cock, and his thumb gently ran over
the slit, and Eggsy just about arched off the bed. "Wh-....what...?"
Harry's fingers dipped and pressed again to that spot that made Eggsy squirm.
"This...." Harry didn't let Eggsy look away. "feels even better from the
inside." He pressed again to illustrate and watched Eggsy's spine bend. Harry
wondered in time just how far he could make it go if he really tried. If Eggsy
was willing, if Eggsy trusted him enough, he had a fair idea. His gaze rose
again to find Eggsy, wide eyed and staring with a lovely flush to his cheeks
while his body still worked to find the climax it was so close to receiving.
Eggsy didn't know if he could. Other people seemed to enjoy it, from what it
looked like in the books. People wouldn't do things like that for no reason.
And yet, there were all the little things he'd heard from adults and other
kids. Pillowbiter. Fudgepacker. All sorts of things, and more fixated on the
man who was submissive than the one who was dominant. He was already
submissive, really, just letting Harry even do the things they'd been doing,
and that made shame settled into his core like a rock, even if he knew it
wasn't anything to be ashamed of. He wasn't supposed to want any of this -
another man, or another man who was so much older. He wasn't supposed to think
about a cock up his arse and get turned on by the idea.
But Harry was carrying on as if there was nothing wrong, like he'd done all of
this before. Maybe he had. His hand was still moving, slow and slick from
whatever had been in the bedside table. Eggsy was afraid, but he wanted to
trust the older man so badly. "...that won't work, it... it won't fit," Eggsy
finally murmured, averting his eyes and feeling another wave of shame and fear
ripple through him.
"A finger will." Harry searched out his eyes again, cocking his head to catch
Eggsy's gaze. "With lube, it won't even hurt. It'll feel a little strange at
first, but I promise you, Eggsy, it does feel very good. With the sensations
combined...," Harry narrowed his eyes and let himself imagine what Eggsy might
look like writing beneath him, back arching like he'd done just minutes ago.
Harry imagined how it would feel to be inside the boy. Harry smiled and let
mischief into his gaze. Eggsy had rarely been able to resist a challenge. "I
dare say I could have you begging my name before the night is over."
Eggsy debated with himself. Harry's bet was tempting, just to try to prove him
wrong. The hand on his cock, and the fingers pressed just behind his balls, was
only making the ache inside of him worse. He even liked the image of what it
might be like to have Harry inside of him. Eggsy just didn't know if he could
do it. He turned worried eyes back on Harry. "...you won't... make fun of me,
after?"
That had obviously not been the question Harry was expecting. That Eggsy saw
Harry double take was a triumph in and of itself. "And why on earth would I do
that?" Harry returned the question. "For enjoying this? For giving in to a
desire I share as well? For seeing you come undone so magnificently under my
hands? I don't know how you could think I'd think less of you for wanting to
explore such things that would give us both pleasure." Harry slowed his
stroking and pressed a kiss to the corner of Eggsy's mouth.
Eggsy's eyes closed. Harry's lips were rougher than his own, but that only made
them better somehow, the contrast sending a tingle down his spine. Harry waited
for an answer, and after a few seconds Eggsy sighed. He still had trouble
looking directly at the older man. "Just... people don't like two men together,
but they think it's worse if... um, if you're the one who-"
Eggsy couldn't make himself say the words. He swallowed. "People make fun of
the man on the bottom, like he's worse."
Harry brushed the sweat damp hair back from Eggsy's forehead and looked into
his eyes. "Eggsy, let me be absolutely clear. I do not give a single shit what
those people think. They are idiots who don't know what they're talking about.
You will grow up and get stronger and then you can kick the shit out of them
and then let them tell you who the lesser party here is. You don't owe them a
thing." The corner of Harry's mouth twitched upward. "Only yourself, to do
whatever it is you would truly like to do."
Eggsy finally looked back. Vulnerability was writ across his face, and want.
When Eggsy couldn't see anything from Harry but quiet support, the boy worried
at his lower lip. Sticky hands touched Harry's sides and held him close, not
that Eggsy wasn't quite so worried about Harry's opinion of him changing. "Are
you sure it won't hurt? I mean... maybe it doesn't, usually, but... I'm
kinda... small," he whispered.
"It'll feel odd, and your muscles will stretch. Lube works wonders, but if it
does hurt too much, you can tell me and I'll stop." Harry let his fingers
resume their gentle press on Eggsy's perineum, stimulating the prostate from
the outside. "And I'll do my very best to make it painless." Harry smiled
softly, feeling Eggsy's trust in him crest by degrees. The boy had trusted him
so much thus far; it made him warm inside and, in spite of all his efforts to
procure that trust, Harry couldn't help feeling a bit of awe. He didn't want to
analyse why he should feel that way over Eggsy trusting him just now, however,
and shifted his thoughts back to the present.
"...okay." Eggsy didn't look away. His eyes followed Harry, darkened by lust.
Lust, in itself, was an unusual sight to see on a child's face, and one that
Harry drank in to remember later. The boy squirmed a bit when Harry retrieved
the little bottle of lube and cold fingers returned to heated skin, but they
warmed soon enough. Eggsy writhed again once Harry's fingers moved a little
lower and began to circle, and a sliver of fear reappeared.
Harry would have liked to lay down by Eggsy's side, but the boy needed
distraction more than anything else. Instead, Harry trailed kisses down his
stomach, enjoying the feel of Eggsy breathing in and out so deeply. If he could
see Eggsy flustered like this every day, it still wouldn't be enough. He slid
the lube along his finger between Eggsy's cheeks, and found that tempting ring
of muscle. Eggsy shifted and Harry placed a kiss to the dip in his groin. He
didn't want to be too apparent in his bid to distract Eggsy. He just had to be
ready. With more lube, he circled the boy's hole and gently, very gently,
slipped a finger inside. At the same time, Harry circled his tongue around
Eggsy's cock and stilled his finger, just letting it sit there while Eggsy got
used to the sensation and received a bit of pleasure in return.
Eggsy felt on the verge of panic. All of his muscles had clenched upon feeling
intrusion, and Harry's mouth was only a partial distraction. Part of his mind
was fixed on the sensation and, understandably, worried. That was a delicate
area of the body, one that was very easily injured. Harry had told him to trust
him, but that was hard when he'd never felt something like this before. Eggsy
could feel the rest of Harry's hand too, warm and curled just below his arse.
Closing his eyes didn't help. Eggsy glanced down instead. Watching what Harry
was doing was intense in a different way, but less than just leaving himself
blind and only concentrating on sensation. Looking down let him see Harry and
lock eyes with him, at least.
Harry didn't look away. He looked like he could hold Eggsy there in that moment
with little more than his will and his hands.
Once it was clear that Eggsy wasn't going to freak out just yet, Harry gave the
boy another swipe of his tongue. In thanks, in reassurance, to distract him,
Eggsy didn't know, but then Harry's finger moved. He was careful not to drag it
any more than he needed to against the sensitive ring of muscle it had breached
to invade Eggsy's body. Instead, Harry pressed up just a little, stroking
inside Eggsy, like he was searching...and then Eggsy felt exactly what it was
Harry was looking for.
Harry got quite a sight. Eggsy went wide-eyed and jerked, hips tilting and legs
pressing against the bed, shock written across his face. His lips parted and he
barely snuck a breath in before Harry gave another gentle stroke with the pad
of one fingertip and all of that air left Eggsy in a moan. Discomfort and
strangeness was quickly forgotten. What Harry was doing hadn't stopped feeling
odd, but the pleasure outweighed the strange pressure and the sense that Eggsy
was being invaded. "...oh."
Harry released Eggsy's cock just long enough to shoot him a wicked smile.
"'Oh', indeed," Harry whispered into Eggsy's hip as he continued to stroke, and
then his mouth found Eggsy's cock again and Harry's tongue and finger began a
slow, deliberate campaign to unravel Eggsy completely. Harry didn't pick up the
frantic pace he'd finished himself off with. What he was doing to Eggsy was so
much worse. And better. It was hard to tell.
Harry hooked his arms over Eggsy's legs so he couldn't move them. All he could
do was arch his back and squirm, riding into the gentle slide of Harry's finger
and the hot, sucking pressure of his mouth.
Nothing he did could make Harry go faster. He couldn't squirm to get a bit more
friction or suction, couldn't arch to force that fingertip where he suddenly
wanted it. Harry vastly outweighed him, and Harry wanted to draw this out.
Eggsy began to think he was going to lose his mind. Whenever he felt pressure
building like he was getting close to completion, Harry backed off. His finger
and mouth slowed, or stopped completely for a few seconds. He ignored Eggsy's
whines and, once the boy was no longer riding the edge, he started again. Eggsy
was past thinking about embarrassment or even propriety; after a few rounds of
teasing and his fingers digging into the bedsheets, they twined into the older
man's hair instead. Even tugging there didn't help. Harry only went as fast as
he wanted to go, and all Eggsy could do was hold on.
All, that is, until he started to beg. "God... Harry, please, I can't…."
Eggsy felt the way Harry groaned around his cock. The man pulled off to look up
at him from beneath dishevelled hair, the stroke of his finger unrelenting.
"Say that again," Harry whispered. With that look on his face, that intent
stare, with Eggsy's hands fisted in his hair and his eyes glinting beneath
normally soft brows, Harry looked like something Eggsy had only caught glimpses
of. Harry bent down again, but he kept his head tilted up, never breaking their
eye contact, not even when he darted his tongue out again to taste Eggsy's
cock.
Eggsy looked positively wrecked. There was no way to get away, and no way to
get relief, not unless Harry let up. The boy could see something dark in
Harry's look, and that only made it worse, tightening something inside of him.
From fear or want, or both, he didn't know. "Please, don't stop..."
"'Please don't stop'....?" Harry grinned, revelling in every passing second of
Eggsy's abandon. The boy was getting louder and Harry loved it. One of these
days, he'd hear Eggsy's screams echo off these walls. Harry liked the idea so
much he made it a secret promise to himself. He bent again and began licking
little, teasing strokes at the head of Eggsy's cock, no longer trying to mimic
the slow stroking sensation of his finger.
Eggsy gave a little cry and his hands tightened their hold. The way he was
pulling on Harry's hair must have been painful, but Harry didn't seem to mind.
Eggsy tugged on him, but he couldn't make Harry's mouth go faster. He struggled
against the arms holding his legs and hips down, but Harry's finger kept its
own pace, quickening and slowing according to what Harry wanted. The boy
started panting, and when he looked down, he didn't see sympathy. Instead, a
hungry glint of mischief had settled into Harry's eyes.
"How did I say I'd have you begging by the end of this, Eggsy?" Harry admired
the boy's endurance. Eggsy was going to be exhausted by the end of this, but
that was just as well. Harry wanted him to remember it. Both for the sensation
and how it felt to be under Harry's gaze like that. Because for Harry, it was
absolute bliss. This was a test as much as any of it up until now had been.
Harry knew Eggsy liked doing what Harry wanted, even liked it when Harry
allowed the desire to possess Eggsy into his gaze, but the boy also had a very
notable defiant streak.
And right on cue, Harry watched Eggsy's jaw clench. His brows drew together
and, though he was still panting, Eggsy gave Harry a sharp look. "Aw, no, I'm
not, I'm no-" Harry pressed his finger up a little firmer and Eggsy's voice cut
off into a gasp. His hands pulled on Harry, trying to coax him on. A noise
escaped the boy's throat that was half frustration, half desperation. "Harry,
y'can't... c'mon, don't... leave me like this."
Harry's grin only grew wider. He knew it was a rare thing to see in public and
Eggsy would soon be associating it with their antics in the bedroom. "I won't
leave you like this," Harry said genially, like he could be surprised Eggsy
would fear such a thing. "Just as long as you beg my name." Eggsy was holding
out with such strength, although really Harry should have expected that. It
made the game even more exciting. Harry scraped his teeth over the jutting bone
of Eggsy's hip, jarring the boy from his pleasure just a little, just enough to
focus him.
Eggsy shook his head, just on principle. He was so close, and Harry's grin was
tantalizing and frustrating at the same time. More so because he wanted him to
beg. Strange an idea as it was with someone else's finger up his arse, it
seemed an indignity to have to beg Harry for anything. "I-... c'mon, 'arry, I
don't... I don't beg. I-"
Harry's tongue made another stripe along his cock, root to tip and circling the
crown, and Eggsy's words got caught in his throat. He could hear his own pulse
hammering in his ears.
"Two little words," Harry whispered. "'Please, Harry', and you can have all you
want." Harry just hoped his hair could hold up to this. He drew one long,
precise swipe over Eggsy's sweet spot as slow as he could and lifted himself up
over the boy. With how short Eggsy was, Harry didn't have to change the angle
of his hand. He let himself loom over Eggsy, brushing his lips against Eggsy's
as he spoke. "You can whisper it in my ear."
Eggsy quivered. He wanted to hold out, just on principle. He never begged; in
fact, he hardly ever asked for anything. Eggsy had always toughed things out
because he had to, and then because he took pride in doing so. This wasn't a
normal situation, though. Harry drew closer, predatory and tempting and Eggsy
felt all the muscles in his core clench around Harry's finger once Harry
reached his mouth. That same finger that kept sliding at a constant, slow pace,
and Eggsy was suddenly imagining something else in it's place. He squirmed
again, got nowhere, and broke. "...please, Harry."
Harry felt his jaw go slack before he realised he'd gasped. He kissed the boy,
a little harder than he'd meant to, and then kissed him again to make up for it
before he slid back down Eggsy's body. Harry took Eggsy back into his mouth and
sucked. He gave one last, long stroke of his finger, and finally, finally sped
into a real rhythm. Not too fast, just enough to make it good, to feel Eggsy
tremble, to feel the boy's last nerves stretch taut and break apart under his
ministrations.
Eggsy couldn't do anything but hold on. Harry kept him pinned down against the
mattress, but he wasn't trying to tease him this time. Pleasure flooded through
the boy, better and so different from all his rushed sessions with just himself
and his right hand. Even climax felt different. Everything that had been
building in him wound a little tighter, and it felt like Harry's finger pressed
up just a bit more. The edges of Eggsy's vision turned a hazy black and his
spine arched, and everything narrowed down to Harry - the warmth wrapped around
him, and his mouth on his cock, and the digit inside him. Eggsy nearly yelled,
and all at once it was over. The boy went completely limp against the mattress
as all the energy drained out of him at once and euphoria took over.
Harry let him slump. Slowly, Harry's finger withdrew and his mouth pressed
kisses to the scratch he'd left at Eggsy's hip. Eggsy could have easily been
overstimulated, and Harry let him rest. Until he crawled up to Eggsy's side and
wrapped the boy in his arms. Harry was suddenly very gentle. With every touch
he was careful not to smother Eggsy. Each breath Eggsy took, he needed,
uninhibited, lest he become overwhelmed completely, but Harry was there, too.
He stroked Eggsy's hair and pressed chaste kisses to his temple, each touch
light and undemanding.
"Thank you, Eggsy," Harry said softly.
The boy turned into him. Eggsy couldn't speak yet, couldn't process anything
except his own feelings and the endorphin-drenched fatigue saturating his body,
but he turned to get closer to Harry. His eyes shut and, cradled in the older
man's arms, he caught his breath and draped an arm around Harry in return.
Eggsy was sticky, tired, and overwhelmed, and he didn't want to move, but he
also didn't want Harry to move away.
Harry seemed to understand. He stayed exactly where he was. He kept whispering
the most soothing things in Eggsy's ear. "Relax now. I have you...." He held
Eggsy in a loose embrace, so very different to how he'd been moments ago,
letting Eggsy wrap around him instead as much as Eggsy wanted to, but also
letting him breathe. The room was overheated from their activities, and so was
Eggsy's skin, so Harry left the blankets where they were. All that heat and
sweat would evaporate soon though, and Harry was ready to wrap Eggsy up tight
when it did.
A goodly number of minutes passed before Eggsy felt like moving. His breathing
slowed, and his skin cooled, and eventually he touched his hands to Harry's
sides. Harry embraced him in turn, drawing him close even though he was sticky
with dried cum and sweat. It felt gross, but Eggsy didn't mind just then. Harry
wanted him close, and all the boy wanted at that moment was that closeness, to
feel wanted and loved and protected, and all of Harry that was slowly becoming
familiar.
Harry dug the thick comforter out from under them and pulled it up to Eggsy's
shoulders, wrapping him in extra warmth. Harry's eyes looked just as warm now.
Their soft brown was something Eggsy rarely saw, something he would probably
always associate with Harry now. Harry didn't try to talk, or even looked like
he was waiting for Eggsy to start. He just held Eggsy quietly and stroked small
patterns into the back of his neck or his hip or wherever Harry's hands
happened to be when he shifted his embrace. Harry had to be more coherent than
Eggsy was, but even he looked a little sleepy. Sex-dazed. Content.
Eventually, the boy grimaced. His muscles ached from having been tensed as long
as they'd been, particularly in odd places that weren't used to strain, and his
skin felt tacky. He wanted to rinse off, but he didn't want to leave. Harry was
giving him his full attention, and physical affection, and it was everything
he'd craved for so long. Eggsy leaned in and rested his forehead against
Harry's chest. "...shower? Maybe?"
Harry hummed and gave a deep sigh. "Yes, definitely." Although he didn't move.
Harry looked content, minus the drying body fluids. When Eggsy didn't stop
watching him, Harry eventually stretched and looked a little more ready to
move. "Alright, yes, time to get up." Harry offered Eggsy the small version of
his half smile. "How are you feeling?"
"Sticky. Sore." Eggsy stretched a moment after Harry did, but he didn't look
away. He didn't want to miss anything. The relationship was still so new, and
every time Harry looked at him like he was something precious, loved, and
desirable, Eggsy didn't want to look anywhere else. "Good, though. That was...
I didn't even know it could feel like that."
"Certainly makes more sense why people engage is such activities now, hm?"
Harry's subtle smile curled at the corners. He drew back the covers and scooped
Eggsy up in his arms. It was with a fierce sense of pride that he walked to the
bathroom, pride that he had this boy. Eggsy wrapped his arms around Harry's
neck, not used to being carried, but going with it all the same. Harry only set
him down when they reached the bathroom and he had to bend to turn on the
shower.
Watching Eggsy stand there, nude, waiting behind him for the water to heat,
Harry felt a pulse of longing in the pit of his stomach. If Eggsy kept looking
like he was, Harry be hard again soon.
Eggsy couldn't help but look. Harry had hidden from him for so long, felt
through the barriers of clothing but never seen, that Eggsy was fascinated and
a little afraid that he wouldn't get the chance to look again.
Harry wasn't perfect, by any means. He wasn't the tanned, toned, unrealistic
and altered perfection of the sports magazines Eggsy had seen, Harry wasn't
hard on the eyes either. He was just a bit soft around the stomach, but toned
everywhere else like an athlete, which was odd for someone who worked in
something as undemanding as tailoring. Equally strange were the pale scars
scattered across Harry's skin. Eggsy assumed that they were from years ago,
when Harry was in the forces like his father, but each of them aroused a bit of
curiosity.
If Harry noticed him looking, he didn't say anything, simply drew back the
curtain, tested the water, and then held a hand out to Eggsy.
Harry drew him into the bath, conscious of how short Eggsy was and careful not
to drown him under the spray. Or block it either. Harry let Eggsy have most of
it, turning him into the water before Harry reached up and widened the spray.
He helped Eggsy run his fingers through his hair. In fact, Harry never quite
let go of him at all, running his hands down Eggsy's shoulders and back, even
his stomach, with that contented look upon Harry's face.
The size difference between them hadn't exactly been absent in bed, but it
truly stood out once they were both on their feet. Eggsy had to tilt his head
back and look past water-soaked fringe more often than not to look at Harry's
face. The older man had somewhere close to 60 centimeters on him, enough that
Eggsy was of an eye with his sternum... and more easily distracted with the
lower portion of his anatomy. It was difficult to ignore what society framed as
taboo and what Harry had kept hidden from him for so long, worried that it
would frighten him.
Harry didn't seem to be worried about that any longer though, especially not
when he stepped under the water himself and turned his head up into the spray.
Harry let out a long sigh and ran his dishevelled hair back over his head. He
looked different without his hair all coiffed or even rumpled and falling into
his eyes as Eggsy had seen on several mornings now.
Every time Harry looked down at him, he seemed more and more pleased. Just as
soon, Harry's hands were back on him, no longer washing, just roaming.
"I can't decide if I'd like to keep you hear or take you with me always," Harry
said softly.
"Can't you do both?" Eggsy wasn't scared that Harry was going to hurt him, but
the older man was still intimidating, and something about his words felt...
off. Sad. Eggsy felt Harry smooth hands down his shoulders and back and he
leaned in closer. "I mean... I have to go back to my mum eventually, but...
that's not forever, either. I have to move out sometime. It's not like I'm
goin' anywhere."
Harry raised a brow and the subtle look of contentment on his face was joined
by one of amusement. "Oh? Have your career already figured out then, have you?"
Harry spilled a handful of water down the back of Eggsy's head. Eggsy's wide
eyes blinked up at him and Harry visibly softened. "One step at a time. You're
right, you'll be back with your mother first. That may be difficult to
navigate, but we'll manage." He brushed Eggsy's chin with his thumb.
They'd heard from Michelle often enough over the past couple days, through
Susan. She'd had little news about the case, but seemed intent on making sure
Eggsy was getting enough food, going out enough, doing ok in school, and
generally feeling ok at Harry's. Through Susan as a middleman, their
conversations were mostly a lot of lists for Eggsy to answer.
"I don't really know what I wanna do." Harry was still touching him, and so
Eggsy stayed where he was, content to let Harry trace fingers around his
jawline and slide a hand down his spine to the small of his back. "I thought
about... maybe doing the forces. Like my dad. I've got this great picture of
him in uniform. Maybe I could do something else, but I'm kinda stuck, y'know?
Some schools are expensive, and mum can't afford them, and they take more
people from prestigious public schools anyhow."
Harry hummed and reached to shut off the water. They'd already steamed up the
inside of the bathroom and it wasn't so cold even with the loss of the spray.
"Fortunately," Harry said as he pushed back the curtain and reached for a pair
of towels, "you won't have to decide for quite some time yet." He tossed one
over his shoulder and draped the other around Eggsy's shoulders before folding
it up and rubbing it over Eggsy's hair. Harry let him have the towel after
that, but Eggsy swore Harry's mouth was spread just a little wider when he let
go. "Just make sure you pursue something you could enjoy, something you could
make a living doing, and something you're good at."
"How do I find something like that, though? There's a lot of stuff out there.
That's even if I can figure out how to afford the school for some of it." Eggsy
kept trying to dry off, but his hands were slow. He was distracted and paying
more attention to watching Harry dry off than he was to drying himself. "What
did you do? Or... was your family in tailoring? Like, did you just do what your
family told you to do, or did you explore and find what you liked?"
Harry glanced at Eggsy, wrapping the towel around his waist and helping Eggsy
out of the shower before he pried the towel out of Eggsy's hands and picked up
his slack with that all too familiar look of mild amusement. "Families often
have ways of roping you into going along with the path they've laid down for
you, or something not far from it." Harry seemed to think about his next words
a little more carefully. "Even in the rebellion of my young adult life, I went
along with what my family wanted, in ways. Perhaps not exactly what they'd
wanted for me, but just respectable enough for their standards. And no, the
tailoring business was more of a...friend of the family sort of thing. It's
astonishing sometimes, what having the right connections will get you. Whether
you deserve it or not." Harry ruffled Eggsy's hair with the towel and finally
gave him a real smile, if just a small one.
Eggsy smiled back, not quite understanding what Harry meant. All he could think
of was that it had something to do with being posh; all the rich upper class
people seemed to stick together and get a lot of things that everyone else
didn't. "Would you do something different, if you could pick again? It kinda
sounds like you still ended up close to what your family wanted, and you didn't
really like it. It that 'cause you want to go back to being a soldier instead
of a tailor, or because you want something else?"
Harry laughed. "No, Eggsy. Neither of those, I'm afraid I simply get wistful
sometimes. I do like what I do now. It pays the bills and I have a lot of
freedom in my work. Being in the Forces fulfilled a different kind of need...to
feel like I was accomplishing something, doing a bit of good. Being a better
version of myself, perhaps. If you can feel that in what you do, you generally
know you're on the right track. But I wouldn't worry too much yet; you have
time yet to discover what inspires you." Harry led Eggsy out of the bathroom to
find his pyjamas.
They walked all the way down to Harry's bedroom. Feeling self-conscious was
nonsensical after what they'd done together, and particularly when they'd both
just been nude in the shower, but Eggsy still averted his eyes while he bent to
pick up his pyjamas from where he'd left them on the floor and dropped the
towel to put them on. The bed was still mussed from earlier, and there were a
few stains from where cum had gotten onto the sheets. Eggsy stared at the
spots, flustered.
Harry had a knack for catching him feeling like that though, and as Harry
passed, he laid a hand on Eggsy's shoulder and bent to nuzzle a kiss next to
his ear. Harry, by contrast, looked more than a little satisfied as he pulled
out a set of pyjamas from the dresser and slipped into them. He did so
unselfconsciously this time, even glancing at Eggsy to catch him watching once
or twice before he joined Eggsy at the bed. Harry's bed. Slowly becoming
'their' bed with each passing night.
"Looks like laundry this weekend," Harry said nonchalantly as he climbed under
the covers and beckoned Eggsy to join him.
Eggsy climbed up and crawled over, sliding until he was within the circle of
Harry's arms. Eggsy glanced at the spots again and shifted. Reality didn't
quite match up with his fantasies and the neatness of the instruction books.
"Is this always... messy like this?" he asked. Eggsy seemed embarrassed to even
have to voice his questions. "I mean, I sorta knew a bit, from overhearing my
mates talk, 'cause they're older than me, but I didn't really know... what to
expect, really."
Harry chuckled against his ear. "Yes, Eggsy, it's usually quite messy. You
might have to get used to having your showers at night." Harry hid his grin in
Eggsy's hair, but Eggsy could feel it anyway. There was nothing embarrassed or
regretful in Harry's demeanour, just like Harry was every time Eggsy asked him
an awkward question. He had yet to mind even once. He never told Eggsy his
questions weren't appropriate or tried to dodge them and give him a book to
read instead. Harry had given him books and talked to him. Even if real sex
didn't match up to every popular media-inspired fantasy Eggsy had ever had, it
was remarkable just how close Harry came.
Eggsy grew quiet. Harry knew that the boy had more questions. He could
practically hear the weight of them in the silence, thickening the air and
twining around them like a heavy blanket. He'd only just begun to explore sex
in reality and as an experience, instead of just concepts and data.
Another thing was bothering Eggsy too. He'd handled the transition of their
relationship very well, including the secrecy that was necessary to make it
work, but questions about that prickled at the back of his mind. "...Harry, is
it... weird, that I'm a lot younger? For you? I can't do a lot of things yet."
Harry turned to look down at him. Eggsy saw that some of his humour was gone,
replaced with something else that Eggsy couldn't quite put his finger on. It
wasn't cold, or sad. It was...soft. Harry's eyes could be so soft, especially
with the orange glow of the bedside lamp against his cheek. Eggsy felt the
brush of Harry's fingers before he saw the man's hand at his temple.
"No, Eggsy," Harry finally said. "It's not something that bothers me, even if
it does other people." He almost looked like he didn't have the words until
Eggsy saw the subtle lift at the corner of his mouth. "I like watching you
learn."
"That's good. About you, I mean." Eggsy continued to stare up at him
thoughtfully. He liked it when Harry looked like this, and he looked safe. Safe
to ask questions, as he'd always proven himself to be before, unlike the other
adults in Eggsy's life. Harry's arms felt warm and comforting from where they
were circled around him. Even his scent was calming; showering had done nothing
to erase that, underneath a layer of citrus and herbal soap. "I don't
understand why other people don't like it, though. If I don't mind, and you
don't mind."
Harry's mouth turned down and Eggsy could see that something made him
uncomfortable. And then it struck him that Harry looked more like he was trying
to figure out whether Eggsy was just being optimistic or he really didn't know.
He had to watch as Harry's brow uncreased, finally coming to a conclusion.
"Eggsy..." Harry began slowly, "You know I care about you. You know I feel very
much for you. And if you don't I'd like you to know it now," Harry stroked the
short strands of hair at Eggsy's temple, a motion that was becoming an
unconscious gesture, "But no one would believe it. Us being in a relationship
is almost on par with what your mother, your teachers, etcetera, think about
when they tell you not to talk to strangers. There is an imbalance of power
between us, and they are emphatic in their assumption that I will hurt you."
Eggsy frowned in confusion and concern, and Harry's conclusion was proven
right. "...but you're not a stranger, and you haven't hurt me. You've been
nicer to me than anyone. I mean, it's a bit weird, because you're... kinda like
my dad, and you make me go to school and do my homework and buy me clothes. But
you're not like my dad either, and you've helped me with a lot of things, and
you haven't lied to me like my mum and aunt have about all sorts of things."
Just the thought of it, that people would think Harry to be hurtful and
dangerous like some of the things he'd heard about regarding strangers, made
tears well up in Eggsy's eyes. Nothing was fair. His mother had lied to him
about her drinking and how bad things were, brought bad men into their lives
without really talking to him about it, and those men had been dangerous
strangers. His aunt had lied too, not really wanting to do much to help him and
exasperated that she had suffered any inconvenience or discomfort, finally
trying to get rid of him without talking to him about it and trying to keep him
in the dark. "I care about you too. It's just not fair."
Harry's expression softened and he shifted, drawing Eggsy closer, wrapping him
securely in Harry's arms. "I know," Harry said softly. "Believe me, I know.
You've got a lot of learning to do yet, Eggsy, but when you do...please don't
ever believe them when they say I don't love you." Harry held him like that for
long minutes, stroking Eggsy's back and letting him bury his face in Harry's
neck while his mind reeled.
When Harry finally pulled back, he looked much more sober than he had before.
Even a little sad.
Sad wasn't bearable. Eggsy already felt bad, just thinking about how much it
bothered him that they had to hide and pretend, and what would happen to Harry
if someone found out. Making Harry sad wasn't something Eggsy was going to
stand, not if he could do anything about it.
The boy's hands came up and moved to the back of Harry's neck, and then Eggsy
was kissing him. From the way Harry's lips parted slightly at the beginning,
maybe it even surprised him. Eggsy didn't know what sort of words to say to
make Harry feel better, and there was nothing he could do about other people
aside from continuing on with pretending Harry was just a friend, but he could
do this.
Harry sighed into it and then Eggsy felt him kiss back. Harry didn't just kiss
with his mouth. His whole body went into it, but it was gentle this time. His
hands drew up Eggsy's back and Eggsy found Harry pressing close again. Harry
even nipped at Eggsy's lip before they parted, and that was how Eggsy could
tell that the sadness wouldn't last. Harry was used to dealing with this kind
of sadness. Likely more so than Eggsy was.
"I'm very lucky to have found you," Harry murmured and he sounded more relaxed.
"I'm lucky to have found you too." Eggsy gave Harry a fragile smile. The older
man already looked better, but the shadow of that sadness still clung to him
around the edges. "It's almost fairy tale, innit. With you knowin' my dad, and
me savin' your dog not knowin' that, and then before I know it I'm living in
posh digs with a posh boyfriend who cooks for me and buys me clothes and saves
me from a mean relative."
That brought a smile to Harry's face. "Fairytale, indeed. One of the happily
ever after ones. Just try not to remember how the others end, hm?" But the good
humour Harry had found at that didn't fade, even as he reached to turn off the
lamp and settled more comfortably under the covers. It took a moment, but Eggsy
could still see him through the light of the window, even with the shades
closed. Harry's house was just far enough from the street that it was rarely
noisy, but nothing kept out the light of the city around them.
Eggsy spent some time watching him, or what he could see from the faint
diffusion that filtered in past the curtains. Spending time with Harry,
particularly now that they were in a relationship, was making the boy realize
just how precious the older man was to him. The thought of losing him had been
painful before, but it had been the pain of considering the loss of a close
friendship or the overemotional panic that came with a severe crush. Both of
those had started changing into something else. Being with Harry was starting
to feel like home.
Eggsy tucked himself closer and settled down to sleep. Harry's name, and three
more little words, were murmured against Harry's chest, and so quiet that he
almost didn't hear. Almost.
===============================================================================
The morning after saw Eggsy trudging through the school day as usual with
thoughts of his mentor in the back of his mind. Harry got off work early enough
to pick him up that day, and the drive back down to Kensington was filled with
Eggsy's chatter and Harry's amused replies. It was comfortable, and that
continued to be a surprise--just how much things had changed between them and
yet how little.
Harry's fingers found their way into Eggsy's hair as they drew up the walk. He
asked Eggsy to do his homework while he made dinner and even though doing
homework so early would have been unthinkable when Eggsy was living with his
mum...it wasn't so bad when it was at Harry's request. Harry even asked him
about it while he worked in the kitchen--what Eggsy was studying, whether he'd
gotten to long division yet, what they were covering in history. Harry didn't
even mind when Eggsy complained about the length of his worksheets.
By the time they finally sat down to eat, Eggsy had finished what he could.
Dinner, too, was a treat. Eggsy still hadn't gotten used to how food was in the
household - that Harry would cook more than a rotation of a few small, cheap
dishes, that the portions actually left him full, that he could go to the
kitchen for a snack whenever he wanted without Harry berating him. Eggsy was
still stuck in a mentality of scarcity, and it touched Harry to see it, just as
it had hit home when Eggsy had been ecstatic over choosing new clothes.
Halfway through the meal, Harry's phone buzzed. Just the once, but Harry
already knew what the text was.
He looked at it and sighed. It wasn't very convenient timing, but there was
little he could do about that.
Eggsy glanced up at him with a question in his eyes and Harry gave him a
conciliatory smile. "I had hoped this would come a little later, but, Eggsy, do
you think you would be alright getting to bed by yourself tonight? We've got a
particularly eccentric client who's insisted on doing a fitting at ungodly
hours of the night." He could see Eggsy's incredulity the moment the words left
his mouth, but uncommon clients, Eggsy had learned early on, were also a staple
of the bespoke tailoring business.
"Um... sure, Harry." Eggsy swallowed down his disappointment. He'd done his
homework early, as asked, because he'd been hoping for another night spent
together. Whether it was movies, or reading comics, or just talking, Eggsy
enjoyed anything they did together. He hadn't been able to get the previous
night out of his head and had thought about it all day at school and
afterwards. That in itself had caused problems; he'd gotten chastised by two
teachers for being distracted and failing to respond to questions. "You'll be
back later, though?"
"Not until very late." Harry set down his fork and got up from his seat and
moved to sit next to Eggsy, who wasn't doing a very good job of masking his
dismay. As Harry had fully expected. He reached out for the back of Eggsy's
chair as Eggsy looked up at him, clear eyes full of longing. "I'm very sorry,"
Harry said and brushed Eggsy's cheek before he leaned in to press a kiss to
Eggsy's soft lips. "I had been looking forward to spending time with you before
I had to go back in." Harry had known what was coming, but he did mean that.
Eggsy still felt hurt and somewhat rejected. Given what they'd done the
previous night, it was natural that he would still be adjusting and a bit
insecure. More so given his history; how often had Michelle made promises, only
to pick up sudden extra shifts and leave him in the flat alone? Eggsy's hands
reached out and caught on Harry's shirt. "I can sleep in your bed anyway
though, right? Will you wake me up when you get back? I'll still be ok for
school if you do, I promise."
Harry smiled at that, a real one. "I would be very happy if you slept in my
bed, and also very happy to make it up to you when I get back." Harry leaned
forward and whispered into Eggsy's ear, brushing cheek to cheek and enjoying
just how soft Eggsy was, enjoying the way he felt Eggsy lean into him, as he
did so. "I promise."
Harry kissed Eggsy, his boy, and sighed, holding there for a beat longer before
he pulled back. "You'll be okay?"
"Yeah. I'll find something to do. I think I know how to work the telly and
everything now." Harry had a much more advanced video and audio system in the
den, but Eggsy had seen him work it enough to be confident he could make it go.
"I'll find a movie or read or somethin'. I'll be okay."
That wasn't quite the truth. Eggsy was going to be disappointed and worry until
Harry came home, but he was also confident that Harry would come home. "Just
come back as soon as you can."
"I will." Harry took one last moment to brush his fingers through Eggsy's hair
before he rose and took his plate back to the kitchen. He cleaned up quickly
and then went to get his jacket and tie, which he'd removed upon coming home.
He glanced in the mirror and saw the familiar hardness behind his eyes,
switching into work mode.
Once Harry was ready, he came back down the stairs, kissed Eggsy once on the
cheek as the boy was setting his finished plate at the sink, and said goodbye
one last time before he headed out the door.
The evening streets blurred together. This routine was familiar, even
comfortable. Harry walked to a pickup location, stepped into an unmarked car
and became just one more person routed between a series of stops and promptly
forgotten. Transit didn't take long, and soon enough he exited the last car,
walked in the direction his text had prompted, and spotted the van.
The back door cracked open before Harry could grasp the handle.
He stepped inside, Oxfords scraping against the metal undercarriage. Inside it
was like stepping into a bunker. The space itself was dark, but the walls were
lit up with monitors, a ledge on one side and a narrow walkway in between.
Surveillance equipment was packed everywhere. Harry had to duck his head to
avoid the uncomfortably low ceiling and reach the chair next to the lone
occupant of the van's interior.
"So, what have you got in store for tonight?" Harry made himself comfortable in
the leather seat.
"Straight to business? Someone's tetchy." Anyone else, they might not have
noticed any difference in Merlin, but Harry knew better. They'd worked more
closely together over the years than Merlin seemed to have done with anyone
else. Harry noted the faint upward curve of the other man's mouth, and the
glint in Merlin's normally cool and impassive gaze. Anticipation. "Did I
interrupt something? I suspect the answer is yes. However, we'll move along, as
you wish."
Merlin reached out and tapped at the keyboard at his side. Monitors flickered
to life, one of which displayed a photograph of a dashing young man smiling at
the camera. The other man he was shaking hands with was cropped from the frame.
"Mason Bennett. An up and coming businessman with not inconsiderable
connections and a great deal of popularity, and not only for his
entrepreneurial prowess. In telecommunications, actually. He's gotten a taste
of the sort of power money and success and a handsome face will buy you, and
he's been increasingly considering whether he can indulge some long-standing
curiosities and fantasies. Recent transactions have been memberships to a few
exclusive clubs that specialize in unusual tastes and strict confidentiality.
Mr. Bennett has made evening trips out, but so far seems to be a little shy
about getting into the deep end of the pool. You're going to change that."
Harry raised a brow and sat forward. He glanced over articles Merlin had
brought up. Forbes, Fortune and the like. This was a man who spent half his
time hopping between New York and London. He had dark hair and a friendly
enough smile, someone who'd spent time in front of the mirror practising. Out
of the corner of his eye, Harry could see Merlin watching him, intent on the
way Harry took in the information. Bennett's personal credit reports showed
purchases at least two high end clubs in London, only one of which Harry
recognised as a playground for BDSM practitioners.
"And what exactly is his poison of choice?" Harry asked with no inflection.
"Sadism. Gender doesn't seem to matter. His internet records, however, are
quite interesting. They'll become more interesting once the night is through.
Mr. Bennett is particularly intrigued by the more extreme ends of BDSM culture
and has acquired a taste for snuff porn. The real sort, not staged fantasies.
He's been sporadically attending these clubs, working up his nerve to even try
some of the lighter fare that's on offer. He needs a little encouragement."
Merlin's hand rose. A plastic bag hung from his fingers, transparent enough
that Harry could see several pills inside. "Verbal and chemical, if you will."
Harry hummed his understanding and took the bag, holding it up to the light of
the screen before he pocketed it. "And how far do you want me to let it go?" He
reached for the mouse, zooming in on the schematics of the club Merlin had
flagged as Bennett's expected haunt for the night. Harry skimmed the club's
policies and details on the usual patrons while Merlin continued to watch him.
Harry rarely found himself with the full weight of Merlin's scrutiny, and it
was indeed a weight. It sent prickles up the back of his neck, but that was not
particularly unpleasant. It was simply new to their relationship.
"All the way to the end. You can't be in the club any longer at that point, but
you won't be a required presence to keep things moving after a certain
threshold. Once Mr. Bennett's inhibitions are removed and his higher judgment
suspended, he'll do just fine on his own." Merlin's mouth gave a little upward
quirk. "It's likely you'll even arrive back here in time to watch the tail end
of what the night's labors have bought. The start of it, anyways. The general
public always devours sex-murder scandals, particularly when the rich are
involved, and the press will do their best to indulge every little bloodthirsty
pang of hunger."
Harry found a small smile drawing upon his face in return. The goal of this
night's work might have been unusual, but the work itself was standard fare for
a knight like Harry. He recognised that was very likely the reason Merlin had
chosen such a job for his first personal request of Harry's skills.
"And I'm sure you'd like the whole thing recorded for posterity?" Harry asked,
noting with a small amount of satisfaction that Merlin hadn't yet retreated
into his usual detached demeanour. He wasn't closed off at all, and in fact
there was much of that glint in his eye Harry had seen the night they spoke in
Kolkata.
"Of course." Again, that flicker that was almost a smile. Merlin didn't look
away. He was watching every move Harry made, savoring his reactions and trying
to pick apart his thoughts. Harry wasn't imagining that Merlin was closer,
either; he'd leaned forward slightly once Harry had drawn close to the monitors
and accepted the packet of drugs. "In case Mr. Bennett's trial starts to go the
wrong way. And for my personal archives. I'm sure you understand."
Harry did understand. In a way. A very different way perhaps, but it was not a
difficult leap of perspective. He nodded to Merlin and let the man see his
acquiescence. "Alright then. Let's begin."
Some poor sod was going to die tonight and Harry was going to be the cause of
it. There was no telling himself that it would happen eventually, that Mason
Bennett would sooner or later escalate his fantasies into live play and then
take it further than that. Even if the man had enough wealth to do so. It could
happen, someday, but Harry was not in the business of absolving himself of
moral quandaries.
Finally, finally, Merlin smiled back in return. The expression was strange on
his face, not at all like the clipped smiles he tended to give Arthur and the
other knights, or the recruits Harry could remember Merlin helping to train.
Harry was going to play his game. Maybe even enjoy it, and Merlin enjoyed that
even more. "You can direct Mr. Bennett to whatever mark you choose. Open the
second drawer down - yes, just there," Merlin inclined his head. "That will be
your identification for the evening, along with your membership pass to the
club. People go to this club to indulge without anyone asking questions, so no
one should be too inquisitive about your background. They'll only want to know
your interests."
Harry had a few ideas on that already after reading Merlin's brief notes on
Bennett's personality. "I believe I have just the thing." Harry found two
miniature cameras with adhesive backing beside the ID and pocketed them as
well. He kept his glasses on, both knowing they would give him the right look
and suspecting they would offer a more enjoyable close-up view of the job
before Harry had to leave. In the back of his mind he wondered just how many
projects like this Merlin had done before. He was very obviously comfortable
with it. He had the means to pull them off except a man on the ground, as Harry
was about to become now, as Harry suspected Merlin rarely did social legwork.
"Good. I'll be in contact should anything go amiss, but I trust that you won't
need extraction." Merlin gave him one last look. Bennett wouldn't stand a
chance, not with Harry's level of skill and the man's tastes. Bennett might be
flexible, but certain types would tempt him more than others. Or, as in Harry's
case, find more fertile soil in which to plant suggestions. "Best of luck,
Galahad."
Harry nodded once, double checked their location and that of the CCTV network
on Merlin's monitor, and then he was back out the door, leaving the tech guru
to watch and enjoy. Merlin would be in Harry's ear if he needed to be, but
Harry suspected he wouldn't be interrupted on this one.
The chill was biting as Harry meandered down the dense streets, avoiding camera
after camera until he felt secure in the knowledge that should he be tracked,
his path would not lead back to the van. His thick coat and gloves were just
enough to keep out the brunt of the cold, but he was glad when he finally
reached the outer doors of the club, leaving the hordes of city night life
behind as he slipped inside. What he was looking for was technically a club
within a club, a suite of VIP rooms with its own private door adjacent to
another that catered to the regular socialite crowd. It did not take Harry long
to find and pass the doorman with the ID Merlin acquired for him.
He checked his coat at the door and was thankful he hadn't needed to change out
of his suit for the job. It gave him the perfect air, a blend between power and
restraint, the dominance of a well-bred English gentleman, but with the right
posture, an air that bordered on delicate to the eye of a native New Yorker.
Especially one with a budding taste for sadism.
The lights in this portion of the club were turned down, both to flatter and
for a sense of privacy. Even so, Harry recognized a number of faces, though
they didn't recognize him. Neither were the clientele all British or American;
several different accents reached Harry's ears. His entrance wasn't
particularly noted, but several pairs of eyes began to follow his progress
across the room.
A few doors later, Harry spotted his mark. Mason Bennett lounged in one corner
of a plush leather booth, talking to a woman in a sleek little sheath dress.
She seemed amused, chin propped on one hand and nursing a drink in the other.
Bennett, in turn, was trying to affect an air of confidence and experience. The
rigidness of his posture spoke of nerves and bravado instead.
Harry stopped at the bar and kept an eye on them until he was served a flute of
champagne, something to soften his appearance. Harry lingered there, keeping an
eye on the crowd, sectioning them off based on preference which was easy to do
at a place like this. Doms, subs, and subcategories of the like all displayed
in some subtle, or not so subtle, manner what they were into while rooms in the
back and sectioned off areas in the corner catered to their activities.
When Harry's attention again fell on Mason, the woman he'd been speaking to was
taking her leave with two other males, both tops, both having already made her
acquaintance some time ago, Harry could deduce. That, fortunately for him,
would be a blow to Mason's ego, and just as Harry suspected, he stood to make
his way to the bar to save face.
Mason was already glancing around the room, trying to see if anyone had noticed
his rejection and to reassess who else might be available. As he was scanning
the room, his eyes lit on Harry, and Harry was rather pleased to see a slight
hitch in his step. He'd caught the man's interest with nary a word.
Mason's attention smoothly changed to the bartender as he drew closer. After a
brief exchange, he handed over a couple of notes and the barkeep handed back
two fingers of whiskey. Liquid courage, which was all to Harry's advantage.
Alcohol would make the man more pliable.
A few minutes passed before Mason worked up the nerve to slide closer. "I
haven't seen you here before. With a profile like that, I would have
remembered."
Harry let his mouth slide into a sly smile and then tempered it by glancing
down, lowering his eyes to accept the compliment. "I suspect you would have as
well." If Mason's interest had been piqued by the vaguely submissive appearance
Harry had been exuding so far, that statement took him aback a little, as he'd
either misjudged or Harry was being interested and playing coy. Harry
deliberately didn't drop the interested act, but quickly put Mason's assumption
to rest. "I couldn't help but notice you over there." Harry leaned in and let
his voice drop. "You could have had her if you were willing to take her."
Mason huffed out a dismissive breath and gave a sweep of his fingers. "Her? No.
No, she wasn't quite what I was looking for. Attractive enough, to be sure, but
not compatible." Mason paused to take another drink, enjoying the burn of it
and the buzz that followed. His pride had already been pricked once, and he
needed a sense of invincibility. "Speaking of taking... are you? Unless I'm
mistaken, you don't seem to be here with anyone else. Did you notice anyone
that's to your taste?"
"Tonight I prefer to watch." Harry met Mason's eyes, sizing the man up and
letting him do the same to Harry in return. Harry let the thrill of the hunt
light in his gaze, but tempered it with a spark of friendly interest. Mason
would not react well to being hunted, but Harry was not there to offer himself
as bait either. Instead, he began to set the conversation up for a third
option. "It's difficult to find what I'm really looking for here. Posh place
like this with equally posh subs, they say they'll cater to our tastes and then
they put limits on everything. You'd almost be better off finding some hellhole
in Caracas."
Mason chuckled at that, caught off-guard. He beckoned at the server and ordered
another round for himself. "I wouldn't know. I've not ventured out quite that
far yet. That's the thing about backwaters: less limitations, and less
assurance that your partners don't have anything catching. I would have thought
people here would be a bit more adventurous, but maybe I'm wrong." The
bartender returned with his glass, and Mason nodded towards Harry. "Do you want
another? For the conversation. No expectations."
"Mm, go on and indulge me." Harry let his smile warm and leaned against the
bar, settling in for conversation. Mason was easy to read. It hadn't occurred
to him yet in his short career in this scene to look for camaraderie. He looked
like the type who would have snubbed the thought of it and tried to amass a
following of his own much as he was doing in the business world, and much
better at it there. But being frustrated with his desires and new to the scene,
Harry strongly suspected the man would jump at the chance of finding someone to
confide in, if only he were given the opportunity. "You might be able to find
someone willing, but it's a rare thing, let me tell you. That young boy over
there, for example. Notice the pocket square? Think he'd be up for anything,
right?" Harry let the words draw out, forcing Mason's attention where he wanted
it if Mason wanted to keep talking to Harry. "Now notice the pin on his lapel.
'Fantasy does not equal reality'?" Harry scoffed as politely as he could. "Why
do we have these desires at all, then? I don't come to a place like this to be
repressed, castrated, just as the rest of the world would have us be. If I want
to hurt a partner, then I really do want to hurt them."
Mason's eyes flickered back to Harry. Perhaps he was good at hiding his
intentions in the office and on the negotiations floor, but the man was out of
his depth here. He didn't manage to keep the surprise off of his face. "Rare,
but not impossible. Am I right? I mean, I've heard stories. I have yet to see
such things in person, though. Everyone has more limitations than expected.
Isn't the point of a sub to have them submit? Most of the one's I've talked to
are more interested in having doms serve them, and dictate how a scene is going
to go, and all of the expectations they want fulfilled."
Harry let his smile curl as the bartender returned with his drink. "I thought I
recognised a like-minded fellow," he said and held out his hand. "The name's
Michael." Mason shook his hand out of politeness and returned his name, but he
was confused by the formal gesture before Harry, slipping his hand from his
pocket to Mason's shoulder and dropping a tablet in the man's drink on the way,
embraced him more fully and looked out across the floor full of meandering
bodies on display. Harry leaned in, turned his head to Mason's ear. "What do
you say we go on a hunt?"
That got Mason's attention. His pupils dilated. He shifted on his feet,
glancing between Harry and the rest of the room. "You mean... both of us
together, with someone? I-... I don't have any experience with having another
dom in the room. I don't really like the sub having their attention anywhere
but on me." He raised his glass to his lips and took a sip, trying to appear
less nervous than he was. "We might not even have the same tastes in... prey."
Harry smirked. "I told you, I only want to watch tonight. This one's all yours.
You simply look like a man who might be sympathetic to my tastes." Mason was a
man who was used to being waited upon, Harry could tell that much from his
personality. Harry was banking on the offer of a friendly service to outweigh
the oddity of having another party in this scenario. He intended to keep Mason
feeling like he had just a little more control in this situation than Harry
until the man was more susceptible to suggestion.
Mason's eyes narrowed. He was used to extreme competition and petty tricks that
were all part and parcel of the game when in the field of business. He couldn't
understand why another sadist would help him and only want to watch if a
suitable partner was found. Harry might have been a kindred spirit, but that
just meant he was all the more likely to take what Mason wanted if they both
spotted the same prize.
And yet, he wasn't having luck on his own. Mason had come again and again,
looking for a suitable partner only to fail or be rejected. Being turned down
by his latest proposition still stung. Harry looked older, and if he had been
in the scene for some time, he might have secrets that Mason could harvest to
his own advantage later. Tips and tricks on how to choose and pick up the right
person.
"Fine," Mason assented. "But so long as you only watch. We'll see if we have
the same tastes."
"Good man." Harry patted him on the shoulder. "I can see you don't trust
easily," Harry began as they walked, "but there are benefits to having a friend
in this arena. I'll leave it to you to decide whether they're worth it or not."
Harry smiled and took a sip of his drink, willing Mason to do the same. He was
ready for it now. Harry needed to loosen his inhibitions just as they were
finding Mason a partner. In all likelihood, he'd have to give the second tablet
to whoever they picked up pretty early on, too, or that person was going to get
suspicious.
Physical suggestion worked; Mason took a drink as they walked and scanned the
rooms. Whatever Merlin had given Harry to use, it worked rapidly. Within
minutes, Mason's shoulders had loosened from their earlier tension. He stopped
glancing warily at Harry out of the corner of his eye as well. When he took
another sip, Harry noted that the man's pupils had dilated. That in itself
wasn't going to be enough to cause alarm in anyone they talked to. The lighting
was dim, and drug use wasn't uncommon in clubs like.
Harry tested it by turning their path, and sure enough Mason responded to
Harry's hand at his shoulder without so much as a hint of resistance. The only
downside was that he could not trust Mason to pick a suitable partner. The man
began pointing a few out to Harry with jerks of his head, mumbling about how
often he'd seen them here, what they were wearing, and other unhelpful
nonsense. Harry gently diverted his attention to a small group in the back.
Three who were obviously subs, all male, fairly young but looked like regulars,
who were standing in a half circle with their drinks in hand and looking out
over the floor in much the same way as Harry and Mason were. Looking for a
hookup. They were joined by a man who was clearly part of the leather scene and
obviously into one of them. Harry watched them flirt while the other two
continued to watch the crowd for prospects of their own as Mason's commentary
carried on in the background. Gently, Harry steered Mason by the shoulder to
follow his gaze as he gave a nod and a questioning brow.
"...what, the leatherman or the boytoy?" Mason looked obediently, confused
about what had caught Harry's eye. He wasn't skilled at reading people, and the
three subs all looked the same to him. When the leatherman aggressively moved
into the one sub's space and the sub flushed and leaned closer, Mason's
attention was hooked. "You think he'd be willing? Why? I've seen any number of
subs talking to these leather boys and none of them wanted anything really
rough. Just a little intimidation and humiliation, or they had a daddy kink."
Harry chuckled at that. "His friends are looking a little put out, don't you
think? Desperate, even. They're young, but I can tell you they're not new to
this. Experience coupled with loneliness makes for a good target. And the blond
is quite attractive if I do say so. Slim thing, but looks sturdy enough to take
a beating." Harry let Mason see him leer. Now that the stick up Mason's arse
had been chemically loosened, he'd read it as encouragement rather than an
imposition on his territory.
"Desperation does make for an easy sell," Mason agreed, no longer thinking
about his own desperation from rejections. He scrutinized the blond with Harry,
and a slow, predatory smile touched his own mouth. "A beating, and maybe a bit
more, hmmm? Although I'd take the beating over going home unsatisfied. It's
difficult to find someone up for more than a beating." Mason started to move
forward, only for Harry to catch on his shoulder and hold him back. He turned
to face Harry with a displeased, narrow-eyed look. "What?"
"Timing. Make a plan first. You're the gentleman here. Offer to buy him a
drink; he's almost finished with the one he's holding. You'll take him up to
the bar and it'll separate him from his friends. Meet me there." Harry locked
eyes with Mason, imparting with a look how focused he needed to be right now or
Harry was going to have to do this for him next time and that would be less
convenient.
Somewhat mollified now that he knew Harry wasn't trying to challenge him, Mason
straightened up. He considered the blond for another moment, drained the rest
of his glass, and then slowly began to walk towards the group. Harry made his
way to the bar, all the while keeping an eye on his mark.
Mason wasn't practiced at this. The subs turned an open but slightly skeptical
eye on him, and the leatherman was displeased at being interrupted. Something
about Mason must have been to taste, though. The draw couldn't have been money,
as obtaining a membership to the club fairly guaranteed that everyone there was
well-off and financially stable, or juggling debt well enough to be convincing.
Either the relaxing effects of the chemical cocktail he'd imbibed had improved
his charisma by stripping away some of his performance anxiety, or the blond
man preferred suits to leather. Either way, when Mason jerked his head towards
the bar with an inviting look, the blond nodded and bid farewell to his friends
before following Mason across the room.
Harry sipped his champagne by the bar and waited while the two of them spoke.
Mason was getting a little too close, and Harry kept a careful eye on them,
ready to intervene if Mason said something stupid or tried to get too forward.
Fortunately, it appeared he wasn't ready to get there on his own just yet. He
whispered something in the blond's ear while they waited for the bartender that
caused the man to laugh coyly and push at his chest. Harry could tell it was
merely a display. The blond was leaning in again to hear more of whatever Mason
was saying and then the bartender got to them and they were ordering.
Harry waited through more of their conversation until he saw the bartender
returning with the blond's drink. He moved through the crowd, spotting them
both with a look of surprise. "Ah, Mason! Who's your new friend?" Harry sidled
up and insinuated himself beside the other dom while the blond was distracted
from his drink. Harry patted Mason on the back as though they were good
friends, again using the gesture to pass his hand over the momentarily
unattended drink on the table before the blond picked it up again.
"Charles," Mason spoke with pleasure, happy that his evening looked to be
taking a turn for the better. "Charles, this is Michael, a friend of mine."
Mason flashed Harry a smile, all brilliant white teeth. "Charles was just
telling me a bit about himself. It looks like he hasn't been able to find
anyone to his tastes recently either. Quite a disappointment, considering the
reputation of this place. You'd think there'd be more variety."
"Indeed." Harry took a sip of his drink, letting his eyes pass over Charles and
letting Charles take him in in return. The boy obviously liked what he saw, but
Harry kept his posture reserved and did not attempt to let their eye contact
linger longer than necessary. Mason could hold his own in the looks department,
and he already had one arm around Charles' waist. "And what type of pleasure
are you looking forward to this evening, Charles?" Harry asked over the din of
the crowd and low thrum of the music.
Charles' smile widened and he glanced to Mason, a good sign, before he answered
Harry's question. "Just a good fuck. No strings."
Harry could tell there was more to it than that, but he let his smile widen and
his eyes catch Mason's approvingly. The answer suited his purposes whether
Charles was rebounding from some recent split or just fed up with the scene
altogether. "You're a lucky man tonight, Mason," Harry commented.
"We'll have to see about that. Charles hasn't made up his mind yet, although I
have." He winked at the blond and took another sip of his drink. That was just
enough to hide the flash of hunger on Mason's face. "I've never had a partner
who stuck around complain, but I don't want to get halfway into a scene only to
find out we're not on the same page."
Mason didn't take his eyes off of Charles, but his smile turned even more
flirtatious. "Michael's hoping to watch, tonight. How do you feel about
voyeurism?"
Charles took a sip of his drink to think about that, looking Harry up and down
while he did so. This boy was no blushing virgin, but he'd need incentive.
Harry gave him a smile and the boy looked like he'd warmed to the idea. Charles
shrugged one shoulder, no doubt pleased with the attention. "Maybe," he
drawled, posh accent coming a bit strong as the alcohol, and Merlin's pill,
began to hit. Colour rose to Charles' cheeks and he leaned a little more into
Mason. "If you think you can make it extra good for me, I might not mind so
much."
"Oh, trust me, this'll be like nothing you've ever had before," Mason assured
him. His hand slid up and down Charles' side, trying to coax him with touch.
"You'll be getting lots of detailed attention. You don't even have to see
Michael, if that's putting you off. There's a couple of special rooms in back
that I've seen. Real private, and a separate viewing room so you don't see
who's watching."
Charles took another long sip and pressed up to Mason. His lip curled back into
a grin and he let his hair fall into his eyes. "I don't mind that much." He
shifted his hip suggestively against Mason's groin and wrapped an arm around
the man's neck.
"I'll stay for the beginning," Harry suggested, "and then I'll leave you two to
your 'privacy'." Harry needed to stick around just long enough to egg Mason on,
and to plant the cameras in the room. "In fact, why don't I let you work out
the details while I secure you a room?" That got a satisfied leer from Charles,
who'd tucked his head under Mason's chin, possibly hoping to be chastised just
as much as he was hoping to get close.
Harry thought he wouldn't have much time to work, but he finished installing
the cameras with minutes to spare. He had some time to sit on the room's
leather sofa before Charles and Mason strolled through the doorway entwined
with each other. Mason glanced at the equipment displayed on one side of the
room with distinct approval. "I hope you're not reconsidering your promise not
to touch, Michael, because you're going to be getting quite the show. Charles
here isn't as much of a virgin to this as he put on."
Harry chuckled softly. "Oh no, not at all. I'm looking forward to the
performance."
The pair were both stumbling now, but still coherent. Both would have trouble
remembering this by the time it was through. Or rather, just Mason would.
Charles pressed his slim body to Mason's front, needy and impatient, and bit at
his ear. He paid Harry no attention. Harry had not been the one working him up
for the past ten minutes and was not going to join.
Mason walked Charles backwards towards the St Andrew's Cross set against the
back wall. Both of them weren't entirely sure of their footing, but they made
it well enough. Mason whispered something filthy in Charles' ear, to judge by
the way the blond laughed and gave him a playful shove. Mason wasn't having any
of that; he caught the arm and twisted Charles around, pressing him against the
cross and securing one hand, then the other. The pair must have already decided
on the scene and their safeword, as Charles didn't seem the least bit alarmed
at Mason's aggression or his hands being bound.
Harry had expected Charles to be bound in some manner, but was no less pleased
to see it. One step closer. He watched for a few minutes as Charles tried to
reach Mason even as his hands were bound and was repeatedly corrected for it,
each time a little rougher. Charles' clothes were stripped after the fact,
bunching around the wrists and the ankles with little care. And that was how
Mason seemed to be playing this. He wanted what he wanted and Charles was
simply there to satisfy that.
Even so, Mason seemed to be steering clear of anything too unusual. The drugs
were still working, that much was clear. He was rougher with Charles from the
get-go than would be normal for new partners playing together, but habit was
making him stick to safer territory even though his judgment and inhibitions
were impaired. A couple trips to the equipment side of the room and several
minutes later, Mason still hadn't progressed past the usual staples of a BDSM
scene. Charles' back was a bit reddened from flails, and he was squirming from
clamps fastened to his nipples, but he was still comfortable. Maybe even a bit
disappointed.
Harry rose, keeping his drink in hand to signal he did not intend to interrupt.
Slowly he moved around the room, ostensibly to get a better view. Harry had to
get one thing out of the way before they truly began. He stood a safe distance
apart from both of them, non-threatening, a casual observer. "Look at him," he
said to Mason as though Charles couldn't hear. "Look at that pout. Do you
really want to leave him to make faces like that? Talk back? Even scream if he
wanted to?"
"Not like anyone outside is going to mind. You seen the walls?" Mason asked,
but he frowned. He didn't mind screams, even liked them, but the idea of
Charles talking back displeased him. Harry watched that displeasure percolate
and fill Mason, until he crossed back over to the equipment with a stormy
frown.
He came back with a solid-looking ball gag, all talk of safe words forgotten.
Charles' head was pulled back by the hair, and the gag was slipped into his
mouth before he processed what was happening. This was the blond's first cue
that something was amiss. He made sounds of protest around the gag, pulling at
his arm restraints and twisting his head. Mason lost patience and slammed
Charles' forehead against the wall, securing the gag while the man was
disoriented. Charles gave a muffled shout and tried to kick backwards, and then
Mason's attention was diverted to securing Charles' legs to the cross as well.
Harry smiled wide and let Mason see it. He began his slow pacing again,
bringing himself back into the sidelines. "Very good. I think you're better
like this, Mason. Taking charge. I know you two must have worked the whole
thing out beforehand, but that leaves no room for spontaneity, don't you
think?" Harry took a sip of his champagne and considered Charles as though he
were an extension of the rack. Charles' head whipped toward Harry in
frustration, aptly blaming him for taking his voice away. Harry tutted at him.
"You don't want to be looking at me now. That's very rude."
Mason's fingers gripped Charles' hair painfully tight, turning his head until
he faced the wall. "You'll look there until I tell you otherwise, or you'll be
sorry," he hissed. "And yes. Everyone wants to do things by a script, and
that's just boring. Much more interesting to go where the mood takes you and
give people a little surprise. Spices things up."
Mason gave Charles another look, now that the blond was restrained and gagged
and could no longer see him. It was hungry, and the sort of expression that
would have made Charles run away had that been what he'd seen when they'd first
been introduced.
"Very good," Harry reiterated, letting the praise wash over Mason as he noted
sweat beading at the man's temples. He was getting excited now.
"Coincidentally, I don't think he'll complain if you do." Harry coloured his
voice with amusement and watched with satisfaction as a smile of appreciation
touched Mason's mouth. A little bit of levity helped loosen him up. Harry drew
closer, posture still casual, drink still teetering in one hand. "Why don't you
try and find out?"
"Try and find out," Mason repeated stupidly. He looked feverish. Where they
were had been forgotten, and Mason was forgetting consequences very quickly. He
glanced at Harry, insecure and resenting himself for his insecurity, trying to
talk himself up. "Yeah, yeah. He won't complain, not with that gag. Maybe not
later too, if he knows what's good for him. I'll make him sorry he said
anything, if he does."
"Very, very good." Harry said softly, almost a whisper between them he was so
close now, standing just behind Mason's shoulder. "I know you want to. Have
wanted to do far more than that for a very long time now. What's holding you
back? If you tell me it's some misguided sense of chivalry, I'm going to be
very disappointed." Harry dropped his voice even softer. "If you tell me it's
because of what they'll think of you, I'd be even more disappointed."
"I don't give a fuck what they think of me!" A nerve had been hit. Mason's lips
peeled back into a snarl. He didn't want to seek Harry's approval, but part of
him had accepted that Harry was his peer. He was frustrated, and he wanted to
impress, and the slight hint of disapproval in Harry's voice was pushing him
towards a breaking point. "He said yes, so I get to do what I want. But I can't
just... let him walk out of here without an ear, or skin on his back. He'll be
a whiny little fuck about it, subs always are, about everything."
"Well there is one way around that," Harry said calmly. "If only you were
willing to do what you really want."
Charles made a loud noise, jerked at his restraints. He was twisting his hands,
trying to find the latch to release himself but it was too far back. Harry
shook his head and made a low sound of disapproval, directing Mason's attention
where he wanted it, knowing that if Mason got a taste, Harry's words would be
even more appealing.
Mason gave Charles' back a frustrated look. He still couldn't quite focus.
After a few moments, Mason turned and walked back to the equipment. When he
returned, he was carrying a few different tools, and no gloves. Evidently all
thoughts of his own safety, as well as his partner's, had left his mind.
One particularly spiked toy was meant for hitting gently, or just scratching
across the skin. The little metal barbs weren't meant for a strong blow, but
Mason let out a hiss of frustration, drew his arm back, and hit Charles with
full force. The man screamed through the gag, and after a few more blows,
little red dots patterned Charles' back as the small puncture wounds began to
seep blood.
"That's more like it!" Harry infused his voice with enthusiasm and stepped back
to give Mason the floor, both gracefully bowing out and avoiding the potential
blood spatter. Charles cried through the gag, Mason laughed, and Harry grinned,
spreading his arms wide in praise. "Now we're talking. This is about you now,
Mason, all about you. You've earned it. You've won your prize, now take it"
Their eyes met and Mason looked wild, dark hair dishevelled and eyes sparking.
Harry knew that he had that look in his eyes himself. It wasn't hard to convey,
not when Mason was dancing along so beautifully for him.
Harry stayed just long enough to be certain that Mason was going to continue
right down to the end Merlin wanted. Timing his exit was tricky - Mason was
oblivious, but other club patrons might catch a glimpse into the room if he
exited at the wrong time. Thankfully, Mason had been right about the room's
padding. It was designed to muffle sound, and club patrons and staff were used
to screams. They would have difficulty telling the difference between
frightened sounds from people in an intense scene and true distress calls.
Merlin was completely, utterly silent in Harry's earpiece as Harry exited the
club and made his way back to the van.
Harry, however, was a little strung out after the whole affair. He quickened
his footsteps down the streets, just as careful to avoid CCTV as when he'd
arrived, but now with a greater need to get to his destination. He spotted the
van where he'd left it sitting innocuously halfway down a quiet street under a
thick grove of trees. Harry rapped at the door, his skin itching all the while.
It took a moment for the lock to click and the door to swing open. Merlin
barely glanced at Harry as he got in, and he had an expression on his face
Harry had never seen before - pupils blown, skin flushed, and far more present
than he normally was. If Harry had gotten more glimpses than anyone else of the
Merlin who lived beneath a layer of ice, what he was now wasn't just a hazy
outline any longer.
Once Merlin had confirmation that Harry was inside and had shut the door, his
attention shifted back to the monitors. Tinny screams could be heard from his
earpiece. From the look of things, Mason had cut off Charles' stained clothes
and had progressed to more unpleasant things.
Harry moved up to the monitors beside Merlin, wanting to see just how much he'd
missed. It was odd, Merlin sitting there beside him, not speaking to one
another. Merlin was just as rapt to the screens as Harry was after being the
one to instigate the entire thing. Harry watched Mason move. There was a
distance between them now. Mason was a more like a top Harry had wound up and
let spin. As minutes passed and Mason began to work his captive raw, the
strangeness of Merlin sitting silent beside Harry lessened.
Charles was stretched taut and straining against the bonds, for all the good it
did him. Mason had found a particularly large dildo among the room's tools and,
for a time, tried to convince Charles that he'd be released if he was compliant
and did as he was told. When Charles refused to follow commands and arch back
into the toy, Mason tired of the game of trying to make the blond fuck himself
and pushed in anyways. Blood trailed down Charles' legs in little rivulets.
Mason decided to proceed on to the knife and medical sounds he'd found among
the room's stash. Merlin rocked forward to get a closer view.
And that was when Harry found himself far less interested in what was playing
out on the screen and far more interested in the man beside him. Merlin was
getting off on this. And that strangely did not put Harry off. After all, he'd
set it up; this was his work Merlin was enjoying. Harry wasn't proud of killing
a man, but....he found it very easy to take a certain amount of pride in
Merlin's appreciation for his work.
Harry found a chair, pulled it up to the workstation, and dropped down into it
to watch.
It was very unlikely Merlin had ever let anyone else see him like this before.
Or, at least, anyone who had survived the encounter. There had been jokes, of
course, because handlers and support got to see a lot of the more gruesome and
uncomfortable portions of field work without ever truly being out in the middle
of the action, but Merlin had always been detached and professional. Detached
wasn't the word Harry would use for him now, watching Mason's form on the
screens as he started to flay the skin from Charles' body.
It was strange in that all Harry could do about it was precisely nothing. This
didn't actually change anything about their arrangement. If anything, this two
way confidence between them merely solidified it. No more. No less. Merlin
wanted Harry to provide a service of sorts and Harry had, not unlike the way
they functioned in their daily work even if Harry had to admit this was
uniquely...interesting. Edging into the territory of 'thrilling' even, due to
its personal touches. Harry kept half his attention on Merlin, just out of the
corner of his eye, as they watched Mason get his cock out.
Merlin still hadn't made a sound, or any move to touch himself. He simply
watched, eyes on the screen and aware of Harry at his periphery while Mason
fucked into the damage his force had left behind, one hand squeezed around
Charles' throat. The knife from earlier slipped between the flayed man's ribs.
The noise that provoked from Charles was enough to get Merlin to move again -
steepling his fingers in front of his mouth and rapt on the finale that was
unfolding.
For all of Mason's fantasies, he was unskilled and unpracticed. Whatever his
knife had hit, it was major. Or perhaps the shock and blood loss had already
been enough; it pooled on the floor. Mason's shoes were covered. There was no
question of him being immediately caught by the police. Merlin watched the body
secured to the cross go limp and still, and a sigh escaped his lips. He turned
the monitors off, but left the remote cameras recording. Their feed lights
flickered on the control panel.
Harry didn't immediately turn to the man beside him. He let his eyes fall
closed, giving Merlin a moment to collect himself if the man needed it.
"Time to call it a night, then?" Harry asked. There was no need to retrieve the
cameras. The police would not be sweeping the room. The crime and motive would
be clear and Mason's description of Harry would be suspect at best if he even
remembered Harry by the end of it all. Those cameras wouldn't be found until
they redid the paint on the ceiling and there was no way to trace them back to
Kingsman.
"Yes, I think so." Merlin's voice was off, thicker than usual, and he still
hadn't quite withdrawn, but some of the barriers were back up. Merlin stood and
switched seats without looking at Harry, moving to the front and getting behind
the wheel. Only when he was settled did he glance over his shoulder at Harry,
cool and impassive as ever but for the hint of a smile on his lips. "I'll drive
you back."
Harry returned the small smile and moved up to the passenger seat. He sniffed
at his jacket and deemed that he hadn't gotten too close to anyone that night
to pick up the scent of the various, mingling colognes throughout the club nor
the smoke outside. He would not need to take a shower before he returned home,
just take off his coat and jacket to be on the safe side.
"Much appreciated." Harry met Merlin's gaze through their reflection in the
windscreen.
Merlin didn't know what to make of him. He trusted Harry to a certain extent -
he had blackmail of his own, regarding Eggsy and now with recorded video
showing Harry present during the first portion of Charles' torture and murder,
though it would be figurative and literal suicide to try to use them as such -
but hints of unease showed through. Much like Harry hadn't been certain how far
he could trust Merlin once he found out about Eggsy, Merlin didn't know how far
to trust him regarding his own interests. Neither man had experience in letting
people close.
So Harry didn't pry. Not any more than he had to. He was confident in some
aspects of their understanding of one another. Both of them were comfortable in
their working relationship. Had been for a very long time. This new, outside of
work relationship would either fit into a similar mould, or it would fall
apart. Harry was certain, however, that if that happened both he and Merlin
would want as little damage to come of it as possible. In their line of work,
that could potentially mean one of them getting killed. But.... In their case,
for two agents who'd worked together for so long, that would be a very
difficult endeavour. Not impossible, but difficult. Harry learned to trust his
instincts on these things over time, and his instincts told him that with
enough experience, he and Merlin could get along in their private lives.
Most of the ride was silent, but the quality changed the further from the club
they got. The awkwardness began to dissolve. It never became comfortable,
exactly, but there was a relaxed aspect to the quiet, and after a few minutes
Merlin stopped glancing at Harry.
Only when they'd begun to reach the right neighborhood did Merlin speak again.
"...how is your project progressing? Since you haven't asked for any further
assistance, I had been presuming that things are going well."
Harry's mouth quirked and he knew that was all Merlin really needed to see.
"Very well," Harry confirmed as they passed under the illumination of street
lamps and the occasional oncoming headlights. Merlin slowed as he rounded the
corner, pulling up to the kerb a ways away from Harry's house. "He is..." Harry
didn't know how to put it in a way Merlin would understand, until he decided to
hell with it. "Everything I expected and more. A handful. Never slows down.
Hates his homework, but he'll do it if I tell him." Harry's smile widened and
his gaze fixed at an insignificant point just beyond the windscreen. "....he's
very curious. And bold when he wants to be."
Merlin made a noncommittal sound, but he gave Harry a knowing look. "That would
be interesting to see, someday. Sounds troublesome, but it's not my trouble,
and you obviously feel the benefits outweigh the detractions." Merlin paused
and glanced out the windows as casually as he could; vans weren't common in
this neighborhood, and lingering for too long at this time of night would cause
people to notice. "Have you planned for what you're going to do when you're on
assignment?"
Harry glanced over at Merlin. "I've thought about it. A caretaker for the days
I'll be out consecutively is all he'd really need. He's old enough to take care
of himself for the most part." Harry could feel a frown of distaste forming
upon his mouth and didn't stifle it. He wasn't acting anymore. "I'm loathe to
let strangers into my home unattended though. Especially with Eggsy." Harry
knew how hypocritical that made him sound, if he'd said it to almost anyone
else who understood his situation. But to Merlin...perhaps not so. He chewed
his lip in thought.
Merlin glanced at Harry. One look at the idea he could see forming in Harry's
mind was all it took to summon dismay. "Oh, no. You're not... Galahad, I was
not offering myself as a nanny service. I have quite enough of that the few
times I've had to train and test potential recruits. I have a difficult enough
time enduring a class of young adults. I don't handle children."
"I wouldn't be asking you to 'handle' him." Harry's frown slid into a slow
smile. "Just look after the house while I'm away for a few days. With him in
it. And I think you're doing yourself a discredit; from what I remember you
were marvellous with the recruits. Almost none of them shot each other." Harry
turned more fully in his seat to face the look of mild horror upon Merlin's
face and reveled in it. That a man such as Merlin would be daunted so by Eggsy
was enough to force Harry to stifle a grin. "We're pals now, right?"
"Friends, yes. As much as either of us are capable of that sort of thing. I'd
appreciate if you never utter 'pals' in my presence again," Merlin groused. The
horror and irritation still hadn't faded. "And you're forgetting the ones who
nearly drowned, in conventional water and in spirits, the attempted plane
theft, one lost limb from horseplay, and what happened to the den on the south
side of the ground floor. Young adults are excitable and careless. Children are
shorter, but just as impulsive and damnably inquisitive."
"So I'll see you on Thursday, then?" Harry batted his eyes. He saw Merlin's
eyelid twitch in response. "I've got that thing in Paris for two days and I
remember you said you had hours of research to do; why not do it from home? Or
mine?" Harry was unfazed by the murder in Merlin’s glare and before the man
could speak again, Harry reached for the door handle. "Ta for now, I do
appreciate it!"
Harry let himself out of the van while Merlin cursed after him.
Merlin would be irritated, and voice his complaints, but Harry's self-
satisfaction only grew. He was absolutely confident that Merlin would comply
despite all his objections. Since Merlin was off rotation for the next week
after a few intense assignments, he'd be stuck on research and intel, the sort
that could be done anywhere. He would quickly become bored on what was
practically a holiday as far as Kingsman work went, and Harry knew Merlin was
curious about his young ward. Curious enough that he'd overcome his distaste at
the idea of babysitting to see for himself just how things were progressing.
That thought drew Harry's mind to what waited for him back home: his own bed,
and a little body keeping it warm for him.
Chapter End Notes
     Further notes on the extra warning: Harry plays the devil at Merlin's
     request and convinces a mark to act out his torture/murder fantasies
     at a high end BDSM club while they record it. If you want to skip
     this part, stop reading when Harry says "If only you were willing to
     do what you really want." and pick up again at "Harry didn't
     immediately turn to the man beside him."
***** Chapter 11 *****
Harry’s step quickened as he turned down the walk and, just before opening his
door, he checked his watch. Nearly 3 am. He frowned before he slipped inside.
The house was dark. Eggsy had turned off all the lights, Harry noted as he took
off his coat and set it on the rack. Walking silently through the house, Harry
saw signs of Eggsy--the paper and notebooks piled on one corner of the couch,
the glass of water on the coffee table he'd neglected to bring to the sink,
trainers kicked off at the corner of the hallway rug. Eggsy brought a mild sort
of disarray into Harry's home, but Harry found himself touched by it
nonetheless.
Harry ascended the stairs as silently as he'd come in, removing his jacket and
cuff links on the way. He could shut out the events of the night, but he found
the itching anticipation under his skin hadn't quite gone away, and as Harry
slipped his tie from his neck and drew back the door to his room, that itch
found an outlet tucked under a mound of covers.
Eggsy was curled up right in the middle of the bed. Turned over on one side,
the covers rose and fell slightly with his slow breathing. Harry could just
make out the soft curves of the boy's face and long pale lashes. Even in a
wealthy neighborhood, the light pollution of London only improved by so much,
and the glow filtered through around the edges of the curtains.
Eggsy didn't stir as Harry approached, or even as the covers were peeled back
from one edge. Harry found that one small hand had been outstretched towards
his pillow.
The corners of his mouth lifted and, gently, very gently, Harry let his fingers
trail up Eggsy's side. Eggsy had been getting used to Harry lying next to him
over the past few days. More than that, he'd been getting used to Harry's
touches in the middle of the night. It made Harry wonder as he encountered bare
skin where Eggsy's night shirt had pushed up past his hip and his shorts had
slid down to reveal the tantalizing dip of skin between his thigh and hipbone.
Harry kept his touch smooth, not too light to be ticklish and not too quick to
wake Eggsy. Harry imagined he could get away with all sorts of things if Eggsy
was tired enough. Or with Merlin's pills, but he pushed the thought aside as
quickly as it came. It wasn't needed. Eggsy was here under his hands and if
Eggsy woke right then, he'd still want to be.
The itch under Harry's skin spread into a dull ache that centred in his groin
as his thumb drew down to the hem of Eggsy's pyjama bottoms. Harry had woken
him before with his mouth on Eggsy's cock, but tonight he wanted something
different. Harry didn't want to wait.
He undressed, laid down next to Eggsy, and gently turned himself over the boy.
With Harry in his boxers there was almost no barrier between them and he let
himself rub up against Eggsy before he began placing kisses on Eggsy's neck.
Harry tucked his face there and breathed in the scent of him and the shower and
shampoo and slowly rocked his hips down against Eggsy's.
Eggsy woke up slowly, all heavy eyes and sedate movements. He was confused for
a few seconds as he transitioned from dreaming to find an arm wrapped around
his chest, lips against his neck, and something warm and firm sliding against
him.
Once his brain puzzled out what was happening, Eggsy was wide awake. He tried
to turn and glance behind him. "...'arry? What time is it?"
"Mm, very early," Harry mumbled. "I did promise you I'd wake you up." He slid
his tongue up Eggsy's neck until he reached the juncture of his jaw. Harry
didn't stop the slow roll of his hips. He let himself sink against Eggsy more
firmly, having to bend a little to press and kiss where he wanted at the same
time, but Harry didn't mind so much. "Were you dreaming?" he asked against
Eggsy's ear.
Harry was rewarded with a little gasp and the body in front of him squirmed.
"Um...y-yeah, I don't... I don't remember what, though." Dreams didn't seem
important just then. Not with Harry's voice in his ear, and the way his hand
was sneaking under the hem of his shirt, and the way he was sliding against
Eggsy suggestively. Memories of the other times Harry had pressed himself
between his legs flooded through Eggsy's mind, and suddenly he was having a
difficult time thinking straight. "You missed me, huh?"
"I missed you very much." Harry grazed the lobe of Eggsy's ear with his teeth.
He let his fingers graze over the little nubs on Eggsy's chest and waited for
him to squirm before moving back down again, slipping his hand under Eggsy's
shorts. "Did you miss me?" Harry asked. He found it a very strange feeling, not
having been there when Eggsy went to bed, like he'd missed something important.
The question rolled of Harry's tongue as a tease, but he found he was actually
curious.
Eggsy had a difficult time responding. Harry was doing his best to be
distracting, and he was succeeding rather well. "Yeah. It was... weird, you not
being here. Kinda... kinda creepy, so much room with nobody there. I-"
Harry's fingers curled around Eggsy's cock and Eggsy momentarily lost his
voice. Harry's thumb rubbed over the tip and Eggsy gave a quiet whine and
shifted his hips against the touch. "...don't know how you lived here by
y'self."
Harry lifted to look down at him and cracked a smile. "I was very lonely." He
saw Eggsy fighting a smile of his own. Harry bent down and kissed the other
side of Eggsy's neck. "You saved me, Eggsy," Harry teased as he pushed Eggsy's
shorts down, trying not to think about how worked up he'd become. Maybe it was
the club or maybe it afterwards with Merlin, but Harry's blood was running hot.
He kicked the covers all the way down to their feet and pushed his own shorts
down, letting Eggsy see by the low light how aroused Harry was.
"Saved you from... h-hey," Eggsy laughed as Harry's fingers brushed over a
particularly ticklish spot along his inner thigh. He took a deep breath upon
glancing down and seeing all of Harry - his bare length of chest, the way his
hair fell forward and outlined Harry's face as he leaned closer, the tension
and flow of the muscles in his thighs, and the stiff, flushed line his cock
made in stark contrast to the rest of his pale skin. Harry had gone slow to try
to keep from frightening him, and Eggsy wasn't exactly frightened... but Harry
was intimidating. Because of who he was, and how much experience he had, and
how much bigger he was. "Were you really that lonely?"
Harry hummed and continued to massage Eggsy's thigh, edging higher and higher
until he brushed against Eggsy's small but very rigid cock. "I was when I saw
what I was missing out on," Harry admitted. Eggsy couldn't know how far back
Harry was thinking, from the first time he saw Eggsy to the first time he
realised he wanted Eggsy. Desperately. A very long time. But he used his
fingers, wrapping loosely around Eggsy, to distract the boy. Harry didn't need
to talk about that right now. He needed Eggsy here with him, just where Harry'd
wanted.
Eggsy's lips parted and the words vanished from where they'd rested on his
tongue. This much, he was used to. It was still new, but Harry had touched him
like this several times now, and Eggsy trusted him with this. His hands were
equally as large in comparison with the rest of him, but less frightening than
other unknowns. Eggsy had revisited the books in Harry's cabinet while he'd
been away, pouring over the pictures, and the thought of trying to do some of
what was in those books made Eggsy's stomach clench with anxiety. He was sure
that Harry was too big for those things to work.
Thankfully, Harry hadn't asked for anything of the sort yet.
"Put your hands on me, Eggsy," Harry whispered into Eggsy's ear. "I want to
feel you..." But then Harry had a better idea. He got down on his side and drew
Eggsy into his arms, back to Harry's front. He kissed Eggsy's ear and slid in
between his legs. That, too, Eggsy had become familiar with, but this time
Harry found his hand and drew it up to curl around the head of Harry's cock
every time it thrust through. Harry's breath caught and he knew Eggsy felt him
tremble, but again he distracted Eggsy with kisses wrapping his fingers around
Eggsy's length in return. Harry could hold on like this, even if he wanted to
turn Eggsy over and spread him wide. Harry just couldn't shake that vision from
his mind.
Eggsy was on edge. This was different than how things had gone before. When
Harry had done similar, cloth had been between them. Now there was nothing.
Eggsy could feel Harry wrapped around him from behind, and concentrated heat
between his legs. The position gave him a very close look at the tip of Harry's
cock. Harry's guidance was a bit of a relief, in that Eggsy didn't have to
worry about touching him the wrong way.
Eggsy felt Harry thrust between his legs, and watched precum bead at the tip of
Harry's cock before his hand was guided to smear it over the head. Eggsy's
breathing turned shallow and rapid. He wasn't in danger, but in that position
and with what Harry was doing, all he could think about were the pictures from
the books that showed penetration, and trying to imagine what that would be
like.
"Want to feel all of you," Harry gasped as he rocked against Eggsy, one hand
guiding Eggsy's and the other stroking him in time. Harry felt him shiver. It
sent a thrill of desire through Harry's whole body. He grit his teeth. Violence
was still written into Harry's head from the beginning of the night, but he
wouldn't let himself be too rough with Eggsy. Even if he pressed a little
harder, or a little longer. Even if his touch was a little more demanding.
Harry closed his eyes and buried his face against Eggsy's hair. Merlin was
right, this boy was swiftly becoming his everything.
Eggsy didn't know what to do. Not with Harry curled around him. He didn't want
to be anywhere else, and he didn't exactly feel unsafe. Overwhelmed, perhaps.
Eggsy could feel Harry tense behind and around him, feel the raw strength in
Harry's arms, and knew on some level that Harry could hurt him badly if he
wanted to. The knowledge made him dizzy, particularly when weighed against the
fact that the hands and arms that could break him were currently wrapped around
his cock, holding him close, guiding his fingers to give Harry pleasure in
return. There was nowhere to look but down, and so Eggsy did, but he didn't
know how to react to sticky, flushed skin thrust up between his legs and
desperate for attention.
"Eggsy...," Harry whispered, voice soft and breathless. Half of him knew how
daunting this must be for Eggsy. It was the half of him that never quite let go
of the cool, calculating awareness he had of his surroundings, but Harry didn't
want to let go. He didn't even want to ease off. He wanted Eggsy, wanted him so
much, and Eggsy....Eggsy wasn't yet showing signs of discomfort. Harry closed
his eyes and tried to talk. "Really did miss you. All I could think about was
how much I'd rather be home. Want to keep you like this always...."
Eggsy heard Harry's words from a distance. He felt it more in the possessive
way Harry's arm tightened to draw him more firmly against his chest. Harry's
voice rumbled through him, in his ears and against his spine, humming into his
core. Between that and the way Harry was touching him and he was touching
Harry, Eggsy felt a dull ache spread through him. Having Harry want him was all
he had wanted for months. Having the older man need him. With so much in his
life that was uncertain, Harry felt more solid. Eggsy felt safe. From hunger,
from homelessness, from the harsh problems in life, from judgement about who he
was and his sexuality... and he had who he wanted. Eggsy dipped a finger
between glans and foreskin and felt Harry jerk behind him, and the heat
building at the boy's core only intensified.
Harry kept stroking, kept pushing between Eggsy's thighs and into his hand. He
rewarded Eggsy with the softest nips to the ear and an answering squeeze
whenever Eggsy grew bolder with his strokes. Harry wasn't going to last much
longer like that. He could feel it. His body was too worked up, had been for
too long, and Eggsy felt too good in his arms. When Harry twisted his grip over
the head of Eggsy's cock and Eggsy mimicked the motion on Harry, Harry gasped
aloud. His hips thrust harder, turning, almost pinning Eggsy under him. He had
just enough self restraint not to, but only just. Harry's pace sped and he gave
up on talking altogether.
Eggsy could hear him, but he wished he could see him. There was something about
watching Harry fall to pieces. Hardly any time had passed since Eggsy had
confessed his feelings and a more physical and romantic side to their
relationship had started, but Eggsy had seen... glimpses. A couple of times.
Some of what he saw frightened him, and some of it made him feel strangely
powerful despite the fact that he knew he was much smaller and weaker than
Harry.
More fragile, and less powerful, but he had the power to do this. To make his
friend lonely, to make Harry think about him and want to come home, and make
him gasp and lose control. It made something in Eggsy ache. He wanted more of
this, and he wanted more.
"Next time," Harry whispered against Eggsy's ear, voice so ragged it sounded
almost nothing like Harry at all, "would you let me inside you?" Before Eggsy
could think, just as the words left Harry's mouth, his fingers drew down to
press against that sweet spot behind Eggsy's balls. From the outside it felt
different, but it was no less of a shock coupled with Harry's words and the
slow slide of his palm. Harry's fingers were long enough to touch both and he
did so without remorse.
Eggsy couldn't reply. His jaw dropped, and his eyes closed, and somehow that
made everything more intense. He could feel the slickness of his coated hand
sliding against Harry's cock, and the tension in the body behind him, and
Harry's finger pressing where it was just made him ache. There was pleasure in
it, but longing too. The sensation was strange to feel from the outside, and
Eggsy remembered the finger Harry had slipped into him yesterday. He'd been
frightened, but it had turned out so well.
Harry did it again, stroking Eggsy's cock and then pressing at that spot that
sent a quiver of longing through him. The boy couldn't stop himself from
gasping and bucking against the touch.
Harry held him fast as much with his body as with his arms locking Eggsy in
place. With every passing second Eggsy didn't answer, Harry could guess at the
warring ideas in him. Fear and desire, uncertainty weighed against the
intensity of the pleasure Harry gave him now. And had given him before.
"I'd be so good to you," Harry whispered. Feeling Eggsy like this stoked a heat
higher and higher in him, but having Eggsy in his arms, keeping him there,
filled Harry with warmth enough to mean it. Even as he drove on, as the rhythm
of his thrusts grew erratic, as his hand tightened over Eggsy's and he didn't
have time for sweet twists of their wrists any longer...as Harry began to lose
himself, senses full of nothing but Eggsy.
"I... I can't. You don't..." Fit. Eggsy was afraid in general, but of that most
of all. The people in the books seemed happy, but they were all older than he
was. Except for the Greek books, but it was hard to tell how happy the boys
were from the rigid, alien figures scribed on the pottery. The sex manual book
that Harry had bought for him had tips of how to avoid pain, and if that was
true for two men who were the same size and equal age, Eggsy could only imagine
what might happen with someone who was much, much smaller.
Harry kissed Eggsy's cheek. "It's ok." Harry could barely think. He wasn't
quite sure whether he was reassuring Eggsy not to be scared or whether he was
trying to say they didn't have to. All he could think was how close he was, how
good it felt between Eggsy's thighs and in his hand and all Harry wanted was
more. "It's ok," Harry whispered again. "You're safe." It felt so good to say
that, to mean it, to wrap Eggsy in Harry's arms and protect him. "Won't hurt
you," Harry gasped. That feeling spread through him like liquid warmth before
he realised he was coming, hips stuttering, wetness painting their hands.
That, and the sound of Harry gasping in Eggsy's ear, and the way his hand
tightened as he came, was enough to push Eggsy over the edge. He moaned and
canted his hips against Harry's palm. Even laying sideways as they were, some
of Harry spilled onto his skin. Eggsy felt a mix of emotions - pleasure and
lust, pride and shame, curiosity and embarrassment. Sex was taboo in general,
from what Eggsy had seen, and sex between people like them especially so. All
the boy could do was cling to Harry and the fact that Harry wanted and cared
for him.
Seconds later left Harry gasping and boneless, draped over Eggsy, Eggsy equally
drained in his arms. With Harry's grip slackened, he didn't stop Eggsy from
turning around in his arms and when they were finally face to face, Harry
stroked a hand, the one that wasn't wet with cum, affectionately over Eggsy's
temple.
Eggsy was beautiful--his hair impossibly mussed, his eyes bright and clear in
spite of the hour and their exertions, his lips pink and flushed. Harry was too
tired to say all the things he wanted to. He wasn't quite sure it would come
out right even if he did. He had to remember how new this was for Eggsy, and
how strange. Harry felt so close.... In a way, he'd known Eggsy for years, but
Eggsy had none of that perspective.
Eggsy didn't know what to say. He'd missed Harry, especially the feeling of
going to sleep with the older man's weight and warmth beside him. He loved
hearing and seeing things that made him really feel treasured: the fact that
Harry had missed him, that he felt lonely without him, that he wanted him
enough to want this and more.
Eggsy just didn't know if he could do anything more. Part of him was very
curious and wanted to see what it was like, but when Harry's cock was in front
of him and in his hands, he froze up. It wasn't that he didn't trust Harry, who
held him gently and whispered promises that he'd be careful. Something about
taking that step was just frightening.
Harry took a deep breath and kissed Eggsy's cheek. "Go back to sleep," he said
softly, absolving Eggsy of the need to bring it up. It wouldn't be long before
they had to wake again, and Harry didn't look like he was even thinking about
it any longer. His eyes were tired and darker than Eggsy usually saw them in
the low light, but still just as soft. None of the tension Harry held in his
body when he'd woken Eggsy was left in him. The demanding fervour in his gaze
was gone.
Harry wiped off his hand and pulled his boxers back up before he redid Eggsy's
clothes and wrapped him in Harry's arms. It was comfortable, familiar.
Eggsy was too exhausted to argue. As soon as Harry wrapped around him, it
wasn't long before he drifted back off to sleep. His subconscious turned the
problem over in his mind, however, and Eggsy's dreams were strange - fantasies
where Harry was sharp-eyed and demanding and not himself, dressed in a
soldier's fatigues. Eggsy was pinned to the bed and devoured, Harry slipping
into him easily and teasing until Eggsy's legs were wrapped around his waist.
Sometime during the dream, Harry's face shifted, and Eggsy looked up to see his
father staring down at him, just the same as his last portrait had looked.
Eggsy woke with a gasp, covered in sweat some time later that morning.
Harry was still asleep next to him and the alarm was set to go off in ten
minutes. Ten minutes before he had to get up and get ready for school.
Harry usually got up with him and made breakfast, but he always left after
Eggsy caught the bus. Right now, he looked like he was passed out for good,
hair in disarray over his forehead and half his face buried into the pillow.
Harry's arms had moved during the night, but they were still very close. Eggsy
was sure that had Harry not been so tired, he'd have woken the moment Eggsy did
with the movement he'd made.
Eggsy took a moment to calm his racing heart. He didn't know what the dream
meant, or why it had disturbed him so much. He wasn't with Harry because of his
father. It was strange, of course, knowing that Harry had known his father and
that they were around the same age. Of course it was strange. It just didn't
seem to matter.
Odd feelings wasn't the only thing the dream had drawn up to the surface. Eggsy
looked up at Harry's face, so relaxed in sleep. The lines were starker like
this, in the early morning light. Nothing about them detracted from Harry; they
made him more attractive, somehow. Eggsy licked his lips, contemplating.
Harry had woken him a couple of times in a certain way. Eggsy thought it only
fair that he try the same, as an experiment. He wanted to take back a measure
of control, prove to himself that he wasn't afraid after how badly the dream
had shaken him. He wasn't afraid, and he could do this, and the look on Harry's
face would be worth it.
Eggsy glanced up to make sure Harry was still out like a light, then slid out
from his grasp. He wandered over to the alarm clock and turned it off before
climbing back onto the bed and pulling back the covers. After another pause,
when Harry didn't wake up, Eggsy felt a bit bolder. His hands went to the
waistband of Harry's pants.
It was strange, doing this to someone who was sleeping. Eggsy had touched Harry
there just days ago, and though it was still a little daunting regardless, it
seemed even stranger that Harry wasn't awake for it. The elastic came down
easily, however, and Eggsy got his second good look at Harry below the waist.
The hair there was trimmed neatly, and that Eggsy had noticed before, but he'd
never seen Harry not hard. It still looked very different from his own,
dauntingly bigger even if it wasn't erect.
Harry didn't move at all. His breathing didn't even change.
Eggsy looked up anyways, nervous about Harry's reaction and just how
intimidating he was. When Harry didn't stir, Eggsy relaxed a little. His
attention shifted downward again, and he took advantage of the moment to look
without being watched. Part of him wondered if he'd look similar, someday. As
it was, Eggsy felt embarrassed. He was so small in comparison, even when Harry
wasn't hard.
After one more glance to make sure Harry hadn't woken up, Eggsy shifted
downwards. He touched Harry gently, just enough to lean down and take the tip
of his cock in his mouth. It was still bigger than he'd been expecting, and had
a salty, musky taste he hadn't expected either. Eggsy nearly recoiled, but
stopped himself at the last moment.
He held still, but still got no reaction from Harry. He might have imagined the
man's eyes moving under his eyelids, but it was hard to tell in the low morning
light. The most significant factor--Harry's breathing--did not change.
The longer Eggsy held, the more he got used to it. The head of Harry's cock was
incredibly soft under the foreskin. Eggsy had only ever felt that muscle hard,
wrapped in a layer of silky smooth skin and veins and often a great amount of
slickness the more excited Harry became.
Without Harry watching him and the pressure to get things exactly right, Eggsy
had more leeway to explore and examine. Everything was softer than he expected,
and the odd taste he'd experienced at the beginning quickly went away. As the
boy got used to it, it became more apparent that while Harry was bigger, that
he wasn't unmanageable; Eggsy wouldn't be able to taste very much, but he could
manage the tip just fine as long as he dropped his jaw. Even when Harry got
harder, which was happening slowly the longer he sucked on the head. Bitterness
hit Eggsy's tongue again, but it wasn't as bad as the first time.
That was the precum he'd felt before he realised. There wasn't much of it, but
it was slick and it helped when Eggsy tried going a little deeper, testing his
limit when Harry was almost fully erect. He couldn't go very far, but from
Harry's unconscious reaction, he seemed to like it anyway.
Finally Eggsy noticed Harry's breath hitch and soften. When Eggsy glanced up,
Harry's lips had parted and he looked like he was still out, but Eggsy didn't
think it would be long before Harry woke again.
Eggsy's tongue stretched forward and dipped between the foreskin and glans.
That must have been pleasurable, because he felt Harry quickly harden even
further, and another brief taste of bitterness. After a few seconds, Eggsy
turned his head and glanced further down, remembering what Harry had done to
him. He'd never considered that pressure against his skin might be erotic, but
Harry had done something right below his sac.
Eggsy wasn't able to keep himself from touching as he reached lower. He was
curious, if still intimidated. When he did touch, everything was heavier than
he was expecting, and also softer underneath a trimmed layer of hair.
Intriguingly soft. Eggsy frowned and kept going until he was at the point that
he thought Harry had touched on him.
Touching there with a finger was weird. It wasn't one of the places he'd ever
thought about before, but...remembering what it had felt like for him.... Eggsy
gave it a little more pressure, pushing with his knuckle to get better
leverage, and that was when he heard a quiet moan from above.
Eggsy looked up and saw that Harry hadn't woken, but it was a near thing. His
head had moved, his breathing was slowly growing more natural, if still a
little deep. Deep in the way Eggsy remembered it being in his ear when Harry
would kiss him there while sliding between his thighs, or when Harry was draped
over him. It was familiar in those quiet, intense moments when Harry pleasured
them both, when he got very close and just stared at Eggsy, completely
uninterested in words.
Eggsy watched him for a few moments, his own eyes grown dark with lust. He
could almost hear the older man, groaning and trailing a line of kisses up his
neck to his ear. Eggsy looked up and he wanted. He wanted Harry to writhe, just
as much as he'd made Eggsy do so.
Eggsy's finger pressed forward again and his head dipped in earnest. He could
feel Harry growing heavier and warmer on his tongue. The boy had to move
forward a bit as blood rushed into Harry's cock and began to draw it up towards
his stomach.
Harry gasped again, that time louder, and that time Eggsy felt him twitch.
Harry moved. His hips shifted and Eggsy had to pull back a little before
Harry's cock gagged him, but he managed. Harry turned and Eggsy only realised
he was absolutely fully awake when he heard Harry's voice, gravelly with sleep.
"Eggsy?"
Harry went still. He didn't bury his hands in Eggsy's hair like Eggsy half
thought he might. Harry didn't say anything else, almost like he thought this
might not really be happening or he was still too sleep fogged to make sense of
it.
Eggsy was afraid to look up. He didn't know what he was going to see. If Harry
wanted him to stop, he would have said so... wouldn't he?
So Eggsy wanted to think. After a moment's pause, Eggsy decided to keep going.
This time he had to take care; Harry shifted up now that he was awake, perhaps
not even consciously, and his thrusts almost overwhelmed Eggsy. Eggsy's tongue
dipped between foreskin and glans again, and this time he was rewarded with a
gasp that filled him with pride.
Harry's hands came up slowly to cup the back of his head, but they held there
gently and didn't pull him away.
"Eggsy," Harry whispered again and this time it wasn't a question. Eggsy's name
sounded reverent on Harry's lips. "God you are beautiful," Harry breathed.
Beautiful wasn't something Eggsy had ever been called before, but there was
more in Harry's meaning than that and, strangely, Eggsy could hear it.
Harry's hips canted up more carefully and Eggsy slid down again over what he
could take, knowing Harry's eyes were fixed on him all the while. He could hear
it in the steady fall of Harry's breath and the way his stomach rose and fell
in equal measure.
Eggsy blushed. He wanted to look up, but he couldn't. He knew Harry was
watching him now. The cock on his tongue had stiffened even further, and Eggsy
tried to keep up, although he had to pull back to keep from choking when Harry
thrust upward and the tip reached the back of this throat. Bitterness coated
his tongue again, but Eggsy had adjusted to the taste by then. He wasn't paying
attention to that. His focus was on what made Harry harden and twitch, and what
caused the sound of his breathing to change. Eggsy's palm turned and one
knuckle pressed against Harry's perineum while he held the weight of him.
Eggsy nearly choked when he heard Harry groan and his throat tightened in
excitement.
He felt the muscles in Harry's legs tighten and he realised Harry had just
restrained himself from jerking up into Eggsy's mouth. Harry's thighs spread
for him after that, allowing him better access to that spot and also to fit
himself between Harry's thighs. Harry could have trapped Eggsy there if he'd
wanted to, just hook his legs around Eggsy and hold his head in place for Harry
to thrust up into. The flash of that scenario reminded Eggsy of the dream, but
even though Harry was slowly twining himself around Eggsy, he neither held him
down or thrust too far into his mouth. Instead, Harry let Eggsy work at his own
pace.
And Eggsy did. He couldn't dip too far down before he felt like he was choking,
and his jaw was starting to ache, but the boy kept going. Every time Harry
tensed, Eggsy took it as encouragement. He felt the older man's hands cup the
back of his head, but he didn't pull Eggsy down, and Eggsy didn't feel trapped.
After a number of minutes, his head bobbing at a regular pace, Eggsy turned his
gaze upward and looked at Harry from beneath his lashes.
Their eyes met and Harry's mouth fell open. Then his teeth clenched together
and Eggsy felt another trickle of precum on his tongue. Harry gave a sharp gasp
and Eggsy felt him tremble. Something about the way Eggsy must have looked like
that, looking up at Harry with Harry's cock in his mouth, straining but
enjoying it, something about the determination in his eyes must have done it
for Harry because Eggsy heard his name whispered from the man's lips again, so
soft it was barely there.
Harry let one of his hands fall to the base of his cock, just under Eggsy's
chin, and squeezed. He gasped again, just barely preventing himself from
rocking up into Eggsy that time, but Harry fought to keep his eyes open. When
Eggsy's smaller hand fell over his own, Harry drew his away. A few more strokes
and sucks like that, even if Eggsy didn't really know how to make a rhythm with
his hand and his mouth together, Harry groaned.
"Egs--" Harry froze, and then Eggsy felt him come, hot liquid filling Eggsy's
mouth.
The boy nearly choked. He'd hardly gotten any warning, just the strain in
Harry's voice and the feel of his cock hardening a bit further where it rested
atop his tongue, and then everything was bitterness and salt. Eggsy swallowed
on reflex, trying to clear his mouth so he could get another breath in, and
nearly shuddered. Come was thicker than he was expecting, and the consistency
made his skin prickle for some reason. Eggsy's own cock ached, a feeling that
was echoing somewhere deep inside him.
Through it all, Harry never stopped watching. He was gasping, much louder than
he'd been before, trying to catch his breath. Harry's grip had tightened on the
back of Eggsy's neck, but now his hands ran through Eggsy's hair, soothing him,
almost petting him, before Harry could speak again.
"Fuck," Harry groaned. He dropped back onto the bed and pulled Eggsy up the
length of his body, wrapping him in Harry's arms. Harry kissed him, long and
sweet and it felt like a 'thank you'. Harry didn't seem to mind the taste. When
they parted, Harry was looking at him like he'd done something rather
extraordinary. "That was a very nice good morning."
Eggsy was dizzy, at that point, from the kiss and the way Harry was looking at
him and the fading adrenaline. He hadn't really liked the end, mostly because
cum had tasted much stranger than he'd guessed, but the effort had been worth
it. He'd faced his fears, and Harry seemed just a bit less intimidating now
that he'd seen portions of him up close, and now Harry was showering him with
affection for his efforts. Eggsy blushed. "...could always return the favor?"
"Cheeky boy," Harry laughed. His voice was rich and warm and the sound of it
rang clear through the room. Eggsy thought Harry looked completely open like
this, relaxed, none of him left restrained or buttoned up like he'd once
thought of Harry. His words weren't any different, Harry hadn't hidden the way
he cursed just as much as he spoke properly from Eggsy, it was just that
Eggsy's perception of him was different now.
With a twist, Eggsy found himself flat on his back in the spot where Harry had
been and Harry smirking down at him from above. "Do you think you can handle
that much excitement this early in the morning, right before school?" Harry
teased as he drew kisses down Eggsy's stomach, fingers already hooking into his
waistband.
Eggsy watched in wide-eyed fascination. Harry paused before tugging down on his
pants, which prompted Eggsy into speech. "Y-yeah! Um... yeah, I can handle it.
'sides, you... you want me thinking about you at school all day?" When Harry
glanced up, Eggsy grinned and shifted a little against the mattress. "I won't
be able to concentrate. My grades might get ruined 'cause of me not payin'
attention proper like."
"Oh dear, I suppose I can't have that, now can I?" Harry raised an eyebrow and
schooled his features into mock seriousness. "I suppose my only option is to
relieve you now and hope you regain your senses by the time you sit down for
class." Harry bent his head and let the hint of a smile break through his
falsely sober exterior. His tongue darted out to flick at the head of Eggsy's
little erection while Harry's hands smoothed down his sides, slipping under his
rear and squeezing. Harry never took his eyes off Eggsy though, and Eggsy got a
flash of what he must have looked like earlier, looking up at Harry like that.
Just before Harry came.
Eggsy's breath caught. They hadn't been doing this for very long, but Eggsy had
decided that he loved this: Harry's mouth on him, and the way he became the
center of Harry's attention. Harry's tongue darted out again, and Eggsy tried
to cant his hips upward only for Harry to hold him in place. The boy made a
sound of frustration and bit at his lower lip. "H-harry... c'mon. I didn't
tease you."
"Every time I look at you, Eggsy, you tease me," Harry murmured, letting his
lip curl enough to show teeth. His tongue darted out again, swirling around
Eggsy all the way from tip to base. "I think this is a satisfying revenge."
Eggsy was just about to make a retort, but Harry saw it coming and wrapped his
lips around the boy's cock, sucking just as Eggsy opened his mouth. Eggsy's
gasp of surprise had Harry's soft brown eyes looking so satisfied he was almost
tempting Eggsy to retaliate.
Eggsy didn't mouth off. He didn't look away, either; progress was slow, but he
was getting a bit less embarrassed of his body and what they'd begun to do
together. Eggsy didn't know what to make of Harry's compliments, but he was
more than happy that Harry found him attractive, and no longer quite as shy
about watching Harry enjoy him.
Harry slid down for one stroke until he was back at the tip, opening his mouth
and just teasing with breath and tongue, and Eggsy squirmed. "C-could... um.
Could you do, you know, from the other day...?"
Harry stilled, but when his eyes darted back up to Eggsy, Eggsy could see that
Harry's surprise was very positive. "Absolutely."
Harry leaned up for a kiss. He reached out and rifled through the night stand
drawer and came away with the tube of gel before he shifted back down Eggsy's
body. Harry kissed his hip and popped the cap. When Harry's fingers touched
Eggsy again, the gel was already warmed. Harry went back to teasing licks over
his cock, but just as Eggsy had asked, Harry let his hand slide underneath
Eggsy, pressing into that sweet spot from the outside and sending hazy tingles
of pleasure to merge with the sensation Harry's tongue was creating.
The pressure still wasn't enough, but it was good. The idea of doing more with
Harry was frightening, but Eggsy had done this once before, and after the
initial discomfort he'd truly enjoyed it. Eggsy had lied a bit - regardless of
what happened now, he'd be distracted at school later on - but that didn't
really matter. Eggsy didn't think Harry would really mind.
Harry's fingers trailed lower, and Eggsy tensed. He couldn't help it. He
remembered how strange it had felt before, having a finger worked into him.
Harry circled the spot with gel before he began to press in earnest, and just
like before, just as he did so, he wrapped his mouth around Eggsy's cock to
distract him from the slight burn of stretching muscle. It wasn't so bad with
one finger, even if Harry's fingers were bigger than Eggsy's, they weren't very
thick and the lube made the slide easy. A second later, Harry was inside and he
wasted no time in rubbing against Eggsy's sweet spot.
That was what Eggsy remembered. More than how anxious he'd been, the boy
remembered how it had felt afterwards, and how Harry had teased him until he
was exhausted and his body ached for some time afterwards. Eggsy wouldn't have
thought that having anything up there would feel good, despite how the books
had suggested it, but he'd been wrong. Something about it amplified the
sensation of Harry's mouth on him and looped back on itself.
Harry's finger pressed up with a bit more pressure and Eggsy whined and jerked
his hips upwards.
Harry hummed in approval, and that was certainly a new sensation as well. Harry
could move with Eggsy when he jerked like that much better than Eggsy had been
able to move with Harry. Harry just sucked harder and held on, keeping Eggsy in
place after that with his free hand at Eggsy's thigh.
Harry was so focused, working to build up a languid rhythm that stoked the want
welling inside Eggsy since this had begun.
Harry looked like he was enjoying himself, too. It was in the curve of his
mouth and the time his hands and tongue spent working Eggsy over. The way Eggsy
had felt powerful in those fleeting moments he had Harry under him, moaning and
wanting more, wanting him, that was what Harry must have been feeling then.
Harry looked like he loved it.
Eggsy closed his eyes and let himself feel. Like that, he could almost imagine
that he was older, big enough to do something else. Big enough that instead of
a finger, Harry would be leaning over him, hips thrusting forward in between
his spread thighs. Harry would let him have a turn, too, Eggsy was sure of it.
Eggsy didn't know which fantasy excited him more. Harry's finger slid in and
out again, and the feeling drew Eggsy back to the first one, pretending it was
a cock instead. He wasn't frightened so long as it was a fantasy and he
couldn't get hurt.
Harry did a wonderful job of encouraging that fantasy. Every stroke of his
tongue and finger undid Eggsy just a little more. Harry nudged his legs apart,
sliding the underwear all the way off before working one of Eggsy's legs over
his shoulder, opening Eggsy up for him. That angle made the strokes inside him
longer, even better and after Eggsy whined softly, Harry hummed and increased
the pace. Nothing he did hurt. Harry was impossibly, meticulously aware of
every motion he made, every sensation he gave to Eggsy. He worked in more lube
when he needed to and varied the strokes of his finger not to strain the
muscles around it.
Harry's patience and focus was rewarded. Eggsy couldn't even think about being
self-conscious. The boy was remarkably flexible, as children at his age tended
to be; soon enough Harry had his other leg spread wide in counterpoint to the
one he'd laid atop his shoulder. With Eggsy laid open like that, moving
slightly against Harry's finger and mouth and with the boy's lips still
reddened from when he'd pleasured Harry, he looked... wanton.
Harry's eyes locked on him and there was something in the man's
face...something about the way his hair fell over his eyes and he never broke
focus from what he was doing, that made Eggsy tremble. If Harry hadn't gotten
off twice in so many hours, he looked like he was ready to go again. He never
let up, never slowed down. There was a craving in his eyes. He looked like he
wanted to see Eggsy fall apart. It was a look without mercy, just...desire.
Eggsy shivered, looking down at him. His skin prickled and broke out into
gooseflesh, and his hips bucked, but Harry had a firm grasp on him. Three more
strokes and Eggsy let out a cry. Harry felt Eggsy's body clench around his
finger and cock twitch in Harry's mouth. Eggsy arched just a bit, and then it
was all over. Eggsy's leg slid off Harry's shoulder and he went limp against
the bed, tired and sated and with a hint of a smile touching his lush little
mouth.
After giving him one last lick, Harry gently pulled out. With a self satisfied
curl to his lips, Harry crawled up the bed to lay next to Eggsy. Harry wrapped
an arm around Eggsy's middle and it didn't seem he felt the need to say
anything else. Harry looked just as lazy as Eggsy felt with the afterglow still
settling into his bones.
For a very long moment it seemed Harry might have even forgotten about school.
Then Harry sighed and brushed his nose against Eggsy's before he gave him a
chaste kiss. "You'd best hop in the shower or you're going to be late."
Eggsy groaned and rubbed his palms against his eyes. He knew he had to go to
school, but that was his last priority at the moment. Eggsy didn't want to
move, and he didn't want Harry to move either. Point in fact, staying in bed
for the remainder of the day sounded perfect. "You're gonna kill me. How can
you even think after all that?"
Harry gave him a pointed look that brooked no argument, and Eggsy sighed. The
boy's mouth settled into a pout. "Now I'm gonna be thinkin' all day, and I
can't tell anyone nothin' if they ask me what I'm zonin' off about."
Harry cracked a smile. "I'm sure you'll think of something. Or they'll beat you
and conclude you've found yourself a girl to admire." He scooted closer and
nuzzled into Eggsy's cheek, holding him close while Harry could. In spite of
his words and the way Harry could make his face so stern when he wanted to,
that alone gave away how much he'd have liked to stay in bed as well. But Harry
broke the embrace after a minute or two, glancing at the clock and then
dragging himself to sit up. He raised cool brow at the way Eggsy groaned and
burrowed down into the bed.
Eggsy finally pried himself away from the sheets. He groaned again once his
feet touched the floor. He wanted Harry to know just how much he objected to
having to get up and go to school. "If they guess it's a girl, I'm gonna have
to make some stuff up, and it's going to be so obnoxious. They're gonna want to
know who, and there's gonna be rumors all over the place."
Eggsy grimaced. He stretched and his spine made a popping sound. "I mean,
that's better than them guessing, but you don't know what it's like. Everyone
gets on your case, and they won't leave you alone. They wanna know everything."
Harry sighed and stretched before he rose to find his robe, bending to kiss
Eggsy's temple on the way. "Then I suggest you do everything you can to
dissuade them of that notion before it begins, hm? Truly, Eggsy, people can be
very oblivious if you give them very few reasons to be." Harry shrugged the
robe over his shoulders and tied it at the waist. He stepped into his slippers
and glanced at himself in the mirror with a grimace. Harry didn't like going
for very long in the mornings without his shower either.
"I dunno what I'm supposed to tell them, though. If I'm actin' funny, they're
gonna assume it's a girl, or that I'm a baby who can't handle a little trouble
at home." Eggsy walked off without pausing for Harry's reply. He grabbed an
outfit at random from his dressers and carried it into the bathroom. Seconds
later, he had the shower running.
He might regret the lack of a real breakfast later, but right now, trading it
for more time with Harry seemed well worth it. Eggsy still felt a warm buzz of
happiness from earlier, and he knew the memory would keep him company
throughout the day.
When he was finished and dressed for the day, he came downstairs to find Harry
still in his robe, hovering over a plate of toast and jam with his hair all a
mess. He glanced up to Eggsy with that warm look in his eyes. Harry set the
plate down on the table with a glass of juice and motioned Eggsy to sit with
him.
"You've still got a couple minutes." Less than ten, if the clock was to be
believed. Just enough to have a quick breakfast.
Eggsy practically inhaled everything that was on the plate. Toast and juice
alike vanished rapidly, but Eggsy looked at Harry far more than what was on his
plate. Something about seeing Harry like that, lacking all formality, stripped
of his tailored wardrobe and completely dishevelled, struck Eggsy as hilarious.
The boy couldn't keep a straight face, and when Harry raised an eyebrow at him,
Eggsy nearly choked from laughing. "You better clean up 'fore you go to work,
or I'm not the only one's gonna have rumors and nosy people."
"Indeed." Harry narrowed his eyes and took a sip of his coffee, merely
completing the picture. "I'll just have to keep my poker face on, won't I?"
Eggsy felt the warmth behind Harry's words. They were as much advice as they
were an admission that he'd have the same problem getting through the day as
Eggsy would.
They heard a rumble of an engine outside and Harry glanced up at the window
with a sigh. "That'll be the bus. Hurry and get your things."
Harry rose and went to open the door so the driver, waiting at the end of their
little mew, wouldn't drive off.
Eggsy snatched up his backpack and raced for the door. There was a moment of
hesitation, when he looked up as he ducked under Harry's arm. Eggsy wanted to
kiss him goodbye, but with the door open like that, they'd be seen. A glint of
sorrow filled the boy's eyes as he remembered that he couldn't express anything
in public.
Eggsy ducked his head and ran down the walk for the bus. His small figure
disappeared into the doors.
Harry waited for it to roll away before he shut the door and drained his
coffee. He gave a long sigh, wanting nothing more than to go back to bed.
It was true though, he did have to go in to work. And then later tonight he'd
have to inform Eggsy of his trip abroad. And everything that entailed. On a
certain level, Harry knew this was coming. He'd have to get someone to watch
Eggsy while he was away for days at a time and Harry was...more comfortable
with it being Merlin than some nosey care worker. Saying Merlin had his faults
would be an egregious understatement, but Merlin knew how to act and Merlin
already knew, and Harry did not like trusting more people than he needed to.
So with that, Harry went to take a shower and clean himself up for the day. It
was time to put in real work whether he'd stayed up late on personal business
or not.
When Eggsy slipped through the front door that afternoon, he was exhausted.
Harry had given him a key to get in and out, for when he was busy at work.
There was no one at home to greet him but Mr. Pickle, who danced excitedly
across the hardwood floor. Eggsy dropped his backpack and hooked the dog up on
the leash. Taking care of the dog was one of his chores, but Eggsy didn't
really mind. Not unless he had to take Mr. Pickle out into a bad rainstorm.
When they returned from their walk around the block, Harry still wasn't back
yet. Eggsy unhooked Mr. Pickle and let him run free. The boy dragged his
backpack up onto the sofa and started trying to slog through his homework. He
knew Harry would ask, and the sooner he got everything done, they sooner they
could spend time together.
It was another half hour before Eggsy heard footsteps coming up the walk and a
key in the door. Mr. Pickle's head rose from the floor by his feet and a second
later the dog was skittering across the room and down the hall to greet Harry.
Harry, who gave a polite 'hello' to the dog and made sounds of removing his
jacket and wiping his shoes before the footsteps preceded Mr. Pickle's toward
the living room.
When Harry emerged from around the corner he had a smile on his face for Eggsy
and he looked immaculate again, jacket held over one arm, hair neatly arranged,
glasses in place, and tie perfectly straight. Harry only paused for a moment
before he came over to place a kiss upon Eggsy's cheek. "Hope your day was
well. What would you like for dinner?"
"Could we have chicken tikka masala?" Eggsy shoved his homework aside. He
didn't care about Harry's neat clothes. The pressed fabric was going to get
wrinkled anyways once he was done. The boy got to his feet and got started on
the process, wrapping his arms around Harry and burying his face against
Harry's chest.
The dish was more significant than Harry knew. Michelle had gotten it for
takeout whenever she'd had money to spare and wanted them to have a special
night. Chicken tikka masala, in Eggsy's mind, was associated with home and
comfort and happier times. Eggsy still felt sad about what his mother was
struggling with, and he missed her, but living with Harry was starting to feel
like home and not an extended vacation.
Harry laughed and rocked back on his feet like Eggsy had any chance of knocking
him over before he ruffled the boy's hair. "Alright. Missed me, huh?" Harry
draped his jacket over a chair before he brought Eggsy to the kitchen and set
to work. Harry was a surprisingly good cook. Eggsy had always thought posh
people would probably be rubbish at it, used to having dinner made for them all
the time, but Harry laid that notion to rest.
Harry was just heating up the burners when the phone on the wall rang. Eggsy
could guess who it was. Very few people called Harry in the time Eggsy had been
there. With a sigh, Harry lowered the heat and moved to pick up the phone.
"Hello? Ah, yes." Sure enough, Harry motioned for Eggsy to take the receiver so
he could get back to the stove.
Eggsy took the phone with some hesitation. Hearing from his mother through
Susan wasn't exactly uplifting. His aunt didn't like him any more than he did
her, and Susan had not had any good news thus far. Eggsy touched the receiver
to his ear. "...hi Aunt Sue. How's it going? Have you heard anything more from
mum about stuff?"
Eggsy knew he sounded about as thrilled as he felt, but the voice on the other
end wasn't exactly cheery either.
"A bit. She says they've had a preliminary hearing and it looks good in her
favour. She could get fined for the tax evasion, but the people who've been
investigating her involvement with Dean are still coming up with no hard
evidence. Her lawyer says he's going to ask that you be placed back with her
after the first hearing, but he doesn't think the judge is going to agree until
it's over. You still doing ok at Mr. Hart's place?"
"Yeah, I'm doing great. I got my own bedroom and I got to pick out some new
clothes for school, and I don't have to walk so far to the bus." Eggsy walked
to one of the kitchen chairs and sat down. Soon enough his legs were kicking
idly. He just wanted the conversation to be over already. "Harry's pretty good
at cooking, too. He's let me try all sorts of new stuff, and I get to pick out
what we have for dinner, usually."
"That's nice of him," Susan said. "Michelle wanted me to let you know...if this
investigation takes months, and her lawyer's saying it probably will, then
she's going to ask to at least set up a couple visits with you. Even if Rhonda
has to supervise as your care worker. Rhonda's agreed to, and she thinks that
would be a good idea, but that'll be up to the judge, too."
"Oh." Eggsy blinked and looked over at Harry. He did want to see his mother...
but he didn't want Rhonda there watching them both. Or for Michelle to be mean
to Harry. Part of him worried that, even though he was doing a good job at
hiding their relationship when they were out in public, that somehow Michelle
would know. Her hunches weren't always right, but she was pretty nosy, as
mothers tended to be, and she already didn't like Harry. "Do you know when?
She's going to visit, I mean. I know we don't know how long the investigation's
gonna be."
"No idea. She has to get approval first, but they're hopeful she'll at least be
able to see you. If they say yes, it'll probably be in a week or two,
earliest."
Harry, in the middle of slicing chicken, caught Eggsy's look of uncertainty
across the room. He didn't look disturbed, even though he'd definitely heard
Eggsy say the word 'visit'. He just kept slicing and then tossed the chicken
into the pan.
"Still keeping up with your school work? Haven't been missing any days or
anything like that?" Susan asked and this was the part where she was getting
ready to say goodbye, Eggsy could tell.
"Yeah, school's been fine. The bus doesn't take too long, and I got given a bit
of extra time to get late work in, from the days I missed and switchin' schools
and all that. It's been fine, honest. Still boring," Eggsy added. "Tell mum not
to worry, my grades are just fine. Better'n fine. I got the top score on the
last quiz in maths. Harry's been helping me study a bit."
"Oh that's good. I'll let her know. And I think that's everything, so I'll let
you go now. I'll give you a call back soon, okay?"
Eggsy gave her the affirmative and they said a quick goodbye before he went to
hang up the phone again. When he turned around, Harry's eyes were on him.
"Is she holding up alright?" Harry asked, stirring the sauce and leaning
against the counter top.
"Yeah, and the investigation's going well against all of Dean's stuff, which I
figured, but Aunt Sue says it's gonna take months before stuff gets resolved
and she gets to ask to get me back. So until then, she wants to come visit a
few times." Eggsy paused. The phone scooted across the tabletop, pushed back
and forth between his hands like a hockey puck. "I... do you think she'd know?
If she visited, I mean?"
"No." Harry said it with such certainty that Eggsy was surprised. Harry didn't
move from his spot at the counter. He didn't even look a little bit uncertain.
"People can't read minds, Eggsy. The only way she'll suspect something is if we
give her a reason to. You don't need to put on some sort of act and make up a
story when you see her again. You can tell her as much as you'd like to about
being here. All you have to do is leave that one part out." Harry turned back
to stir the sauce and check the rice. He lowered the heat on the chicken and
took two plates out of the cupboard.
"You really think so?" Eggsy watched Harry bustle around the kitchen. Staying
across the room was eventually too much. Eggsy slid off of the chair and
wandered over, staying just far back enough that he wouldn't get in the way.
"Mum always seemed to know about stuff before. Not everything, but like... if I
snuck into the kitchen, she didn't even have to hear or see me, she'd just
yell. Or she'd know I went into her room and peeked at my Christmas present in
the closet. Or when I skivved off school for a day."
Harry's mouth turned up at the corners. "That means she did hear you, and saw
something you moved, or you looked particularly guilty after. The more we think
someone has the power to 'just know' what we've done, the more we give away. So
mothers seem particularly good at worming these things out of us." Harry
finished dishing up their plates and gave Eggsy his to take back to the table.
"Think of your mind as a locked box," Harry instructed as they sat down.
"Someone can stare you in the eye, try to look into your mind, but all they'll
see is that locked box. Your face can be a mask that no one can see through.
Imagining this helps control your facial expressions, even unconscious ones."
"What if I screw up, though?" Eggsy didn't think he was that bad at lying. He'd
successfully shifted his mother away from suspecting that he shoplifted, for
one. He'd also managed to hide just how often he'd snuck out of his bedroom
window, and until he and Harry had told her about their friendship, she hadn't
known a thing about it. One slip would be all it would take, though - for his
life to be ruined, and Harry's. "Is there something else I can tell her, if she
gets all suspicious? Do you think lying about a girl at school would do it? I
mean... I don't really want to lie, but I don't want her to figure stuff out
either."
Harry shook his head. "If she get suspicious about anything, it will be how
close we've gotten or why I took you in in the first place. She isn't going to
see you smiling fondly at me and assume you might be falling for some girl at
school even if you try to convince her." Harry grew a little more sombre as he
stirred rice into the masala on his plate. "This is a little more complex than
playing truant or stealing. Our closeness can be attributed to your father and
she cannot deny that. I also get the feeling you've not had many decent men in
your life before. She cannot prove anything more unless we give it to her."
Eggsy looked a little crestfallen at that. He picked up his fork and began
poking at the chicken in front of him. "Yeah, I... it's just been me and my
mum. And her boyfriends. I've not ever really liked any of them, although I
think Dean's the worst she's ever picked, by a lot. You were so different that
I liked you even before I started to like you. Aside from that whole posh bit."
Harry glanced at him and Eggsy grinned. "What? I'm still allowed to tease you
about that. Can't say I'd ever pictured my first boyfriend'd own his own
house."
Harry scoffed and rolled his eyes, but Eggsy could see him hiding a smile.
"Don't forget cooking for you, too. Perhaps I should get a 'World's Greatest
Boyfriend' apron and then see if your mother catches on. What do you think?"
Eggsy snorted into his rice and Harry's smile cracked. "It'll be okay, Eggsy.
Really, it will." Harry nudged Eggsy's foot underneath the table and held his
eyes. There was a certainty in Harry that Eggsy rarely saw in anyone else, like
Harry could move mountains if he wanted to.
Eggsy had no reason to doubt him. Harry had always kept his promises and come
through for him. Even when things got frightening and uncertain, like the day
at the custody hearing when Eggsy hadn't really felt completely confident that
things would turn out alright.
Things were more than alright, they were great. Eggsy scooped up a bit of
masala on his fork, tried it, and closed his eyes. It tasted better than he
remembered. It tasted like victory and home. "Y'know, maybe you don't wear it
around my mum, but maybe you should get that apron. You're spoiling me a lot
more than I've gotten from anyone else."
Harry raised a brow. "Perhaps I should get one that fits you instead and make
you help me in the kitchen with it. With nothing underneath." He kept his face
perfectly placid as he said it, even going so far to redirect his attention to
his spoon and run his tongue up the side of it to lick off all the sauce. He
didn't even look at Eggsy. Harry was so good at that when he wanted to be, just
slipped into little provocative movements that caught Eggsy's eye in a manner
they shouldn't, but were certainly designed to.
Eggsy stared at him with wide eyes and more than a bit of shock. Watching Harry
lick the spoon sent a visible shiver through the boy. "You're taking the piss.
Aren't you? Nobody really does that." The more Eggsy considered it, the redder
his cheeks became. "...'sides, I seem to remember someone burnin' food 'cause I
distracted them too much, and you can't tell me you're not gonna char
everythin' to cinders if I've got nothin' but an apron on."
"I rather think it'd be worth it." Harry was completely unfazed, but he cracked
a smile at Eggsy and dug into the rest of his chicken.
They ate with more banter tossed back and forth between them, every so often
emphasized with a nudge under the table or a wink. When it came time to clean
up their plates, Harry returned from the kitchen only to catch Eggsy around the
waist and lift him into his arms with a growl and a nipping kiss to his
earlobe. Harry brought Eggsy, kicking and play fighting, back to the living
room and dropped him down onto the sofa. Harry paused only to remove his tie
before he dropped down next to Eggsy.
The boy couldn't have had a wider smile on his face. Having time with Harry had
proven far more effective motivation to do his homework than any number of
years of nagging. So long as he got his work done early, he got this.
Eggsy didn't wait to see what Harry intended. The moment the older man was
seated, Eggsy turned.
Harry only had time to blink before Eggsy was astride his lap. Eggsy looked
down and then back up, raising his brows and pretending to be surprised.
"Missed me too, huh. You'll be happy to know nobody caught me slackin' off at
school. Even got full marks on my quiz, even though I wasn't thinkin' about
history just then."
Harry's smile widened. He looked quite pleasantly surprised, but overcame it
quickly. "And just what were you thinking about?" He placed his hands on
Eggsy's hips and drew him closer, pressing Eggsy against him to give Eggsy a
bit of that delightful sensation as well. "Certainly not me? Have I become the
inspiration for your good marks? Perhaps we should tell your mother." Harry
leaned back into the couch and made himself comfortable.
Eggsy tucked his chin against his chest. "...I like spendin' time with you, is
all," he explained, stuck halfway between a surge of bashfulness and a desire
to stand his ground and tease Harry back. "Which I get to do more if
everythin's all done. You give better rewards, too. Little smilin' faces on my
homework and gettin' told I did good is fine and all, but..."
The boy leaned forward until he was settled against Harry's chest. "I just like
other things better. And yeah, class is a bit less borin' if I've got you to
think about."
Eggsy felt Harry's fingers sweep over the back of his head. "That is very good
to hear." Harry relaxed underneath him, let his arms loop around Eggsy's middle
and rest there, and Eggsy could tell Harry felt just as good as he did merely
resting with such closeness. That was one interesting thing about Harry--he
always liked having Eggsy close. The only times Harry had ever seemed distant
were the periods he spent working upstairs in his office, and that was never
for very long.
When Harry sighed, it was with a note of disappointment. "I do have some
regrettable news for the end of the week though," Harry admitted. "I'm going to
have to take a business trip early Thursday morning. I should be back before
midday Saturday, but I'd rather not leave you in the house all by yourself
until then."
Harry felt Eggsy stiffen. Eggsy's mind raced, trying to figure out what Harry
might mean. "...wait, so... does that...? I mean, it sounds like you're not
taking me with you. Does that mean you're... dropping me off somewhere, or that
you're having someone come over? You don't have to, y'know. I know how to make
toasted cheese sandwiches and stuff. Mum left me by myself all the time. Not
for a couple of days, but sometimes I didn't really see her at all 'cause she
was sleeping or at work, whenever I was awake and home."
"I believe you. I'm not going to send you anywhere else or make a fuss over you
being monitored at all hours of the day, and you can make cheese sandwiches if
you really want to. I'm just going to have a friend stop by and look after the
house. With you in it," Harry added, knowing Eggsy would see right through that
ruse. Eggsy was looking up at him with wide eyes now and Harry attempted a
small smile.
"But... um." Eggsy knew that there was nothing much to be said to that. Harry
didn't want to leave him alone, even though Eggsy was perfectly able to take
care of himself. "I can watch the house. And Mr. Pickle. I won't forget to let
him out, and I won't miss the bus to school, I promise. I just... don't know
your friend. Is he gonna think it's weird I'm living with you?"
Harry's smile turned a little more genuine at that. "No, you shouldn't have to
worry about that. He already knows all about you living with me and he's very
tolerant, not the kind of person to jump to conclusions. He's the finance
director of the business actually, someone I've worked with and known for
years." Harry gave a small sigh. "I know you'd probably be just fine on your
own, but...I'd hate to leave you like that, especially in a house you're only
just becoming familiar with."
"He's not gonna be around a lot, is he?" Right after the words left his mouth,
Eggsy reconsidered. "I... I didn't mean that I don't want to meet your friend.
If he's a real friend, not like one of those things where you say the people
you work with are friends. I just... I'm used to bein' on my own, and it'd be
weird having a stranger in the house with you not here. I don't even know him,
and you're gonna just leave me with someone I don't know for a few days? What
if I don't like him? Or he doesn't like me?"
"Eggsy, you are not that unlikable," Harry chided, "And I have a feeling he's
going to be up in the office working most of the time he's here. This house is
big enough that if you really don't want to see him, you won't have to, and
that's fine. It's mainly just in the event of an emergency you won't be left on
your own." Harry brushed Eggsy's hair back with his thumb and Eggsy could see
he wasn't going to be emotionally persuaded.
Eggsy wasn't happy with that. He looked back at Harry, distraught even though
Harry was touching him. "Emergency? But... I don't want you to go. Can't you
just... have someone else show people fabric and measure them? Do you really
have to go yourself?" Something about Harry going overseas was distressing.
Maybe it was because of how long it was. Or maybe it was because, on some
subliminal level, Eggsy associated being overseas with death. Harry had come
back before, but the idea that he might not was terrifying.
Harry's brow furrowed. "Eggsy...." He brought his hands to the sides of Eggsy's
face and Eggsy knew his fears must have been showing. Harry stared into him for
a long moment. "What's the matter? You know I'm not going to leave you. I know
a lot of people have failed you very recently, but I'm not. I wish I didn't
have to, but it's a very common part of my work." Harry's fingers traced the
edges of Eggsy's earlobe, caressing down the back of his neck and then back up
to do it again. There was worry in Harry's eyes.
Eggsy didn't want to voice his fears. With a child's irrationality, he worried
that voicing them just made it more likely that they'd come true. "I don't want
you to go," he whispered. The boy tucked himself as closely as he could get,
not letting Harry draw him back out so that the man could stare him in the eye.
"What if you don't come back?"
Harry paused. There was a stretch of silence between them that Eggsy felt to
his core. Then Harry's arms wrapped around him.
"I will come back," Harry said into the top of Eggsy's head, muffled. Harry
knew about Lee. He'd have put Eggsy's fears together. "I promise you I will
come back." Harry kissed Eggsy's hair, stroked his back, held him against
Harry's chest like he could hide there. Eggsy could feel Harry's heart beating
against his cheek. It might have even quickened a little. It was strong and
Harry was so confident, but Lee had been the same.
Eggsy didn't know what to make of promises. His father was supposed to come
back, but then he didn't.
His mother was supposed to be trusted with anything and always there, but that
hadn't been true either. Family was supposed to always help, but his aunt had
wanted to get rid of him. None of the adults in Eggsy's life had really come
through for him except for Harry, and Eggsy was terrified of losing him. "I
don't want you to go," Eggsy whispered miserably, his voice muffled against
Harry's shirtfront. The boy's hands clung as if he could hold him there through
sheer force of will.
He could feel Harry move to peer at him, what he could see of Eggsy. "I have to
go. And you will have to see that it's okay for me to go. There will be other
trips after this, but I'll come back. Every time, I will come back." Harry's
chest rose like he was breathing in Eggsy's scent, or Eggsy's display of
emotion had gotten to him. "I don't want to do this to you," Harry admitted,
quieter, "not when being here is still so new." For once it didn't sound like
Harry had the perfect words.
"...can I have something? For the promise. So you have to come back and get it
from me." To Eggsy, that was the only additional security he could think of. If
people didn't come back just because they loved other people, maybe they would
come back if they had something they had to do. Like getting an item back. It
would be a good luck charm, and something for him to hold onto. "And you'll
have to promise you'll come back and ask me for it. When you get home."
"You could have my ID card," Harry mumbled, "but I might need that." Eggsy
glanced up at him, unamused. His face was still buried against Harry's chest,
but Harry caught his eye. "What could I give you, Eggsy? You can hold Mr.
Pickle hostage if you like. Even charge a hefty ransom upon my return." Harry
cracked a smile, but it didn't win Eggsy's favour that easily.
"No, something from you. Don't you have something special to you?" Eggsy asked.
His mind was on his own box of treasures, things he'd collected and hoarded
beneath his bed, bringing it out to enjoy and turn over in his hands whenever
he got a quiet moment to himself. "Don't you have anything? A ring, or... I
dunno. Something. I'll hold onto Mr. Pickle for you anyways, but he doesn't
count."
Harry had to think about that for a long moment. He kept lots of little things,
paintings and trinkets he picked up here and there, mementos in magazine covers
and meaningless baubles from the places he'd nearly died or wanted to remember.
All of them meant something, he enjoyed looking at them, but none were he
particularly attached to. What Harry was attached to were the things that saved
his life.
After a moment's more thought, Harry lifted his wrist and undid the link to his
watch. The gold chain dangled, heavy in his palm before he held it out to
Eggsy. "This might do. This watch has been with me for a good many years now,
has seen me through thick and thin, and I'd very much like to have it back when
I return."
Eggsy took it and cradled it in his hands. The watch was heavier than he was
expecting. When the boy's hands closed around it, a determined look came over
his face. "Ok. I'll just keep it until you get back. But you have to come back
and ask for it, ok?"
Some part of Eggsy knew that keeping a token didn't guarantee safety. His
mother's wedding ring hadn't ensured that his father came home, after all. But
logic wasn't important in this. Just having something personal of Harry's made
Eggsy feel a little bit better.
One corner of Harry's mouth pulled into a smile. "Ok." His eyes lingered on the
watch. "Just...handle it very carefully, and do not try to reset the time."
Harry looked very stern on that point, so Eggsy nodded. It looked expensive,
but perhaps it was worth even more than Eggsy thought. Harry relaxed a little,
sinking back against the couch and watching Eggsy study his prize. A bit of
that warmth was back in Harry's eyes, and a little less of that worry.
Eggsy took his charge very seriously. After a study of the winding mechanism at
the side and guessing what might reset the time, he carefully tucked it in his
pocket. "Don't worry, Harry. It'll be safe with me, I promise. Just come back
to get it, ok? Or I'm keeping it, and there's nothing you can do about it."
Eggsy tried to sound tough, but all Harry heard was a worried little kid. One
who was scared he was going to lose another person he loved and depended on.
Harry leaned in to give Eggsy a kiss on the cheek, rubbing his nose there
fondly. "I will."
Eggsy looked only a little more mollified at that, so Harry lifted him and
turned on the couch, drawing his legs up to spread himself out and pull Eggsy
down next to him.
"Now, what do you say we find a film, hm? What do you feel like tonight,
classic? Adventure?" Harry picked up the guide and opened it for Eggsy to see.
He was trying to cheer Eggsy up, that was obvious, but Harry's warm arms and
the solid line of him against Eggsy's back was still a comforting presence.
"Adventure, definitely. Something a little scary." Eggsy looked down at the
guide, but he leaned back against Harry as he did so. If Harry was going to be
gone for several days, Eggsy wanted to make every second count.
After skimming through what was available, the boy settled on an Indiana Jones
film. He'd seen it before, but that didn't diminish how enjoyable it was. Eggsy
thought that Indiana's life was enviable: traveling to exotic places, fighting
bad people in exciting shootouts, and always getting the treasure at the end.
And the girl.
"Ah, an adventure classic," Harry mused and flipped to the right station. He
wrapped His arms under Eggsy's and found the opportunity to press his mouth to
the back of the boy's neck, just between the fine hairs and the collar of his
shirt, far too tempting.
Harry laughed softly when Eggsy's shoulders rose at the ticklish sensation
before they settled in for the film to begin.
***** Chapter 12 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
The morning of Harry's departure, Eggsy dragged his feet. He tried to make
everything last as long as possible, from getting out of bed, to his shower and
breakfast, and nearly missed his bus from not wanting to set foot outside the
front door. Harry would have felt his patience sorely tested had he not
understood why Eggsy was so reluctant to leave. After one long, last kiss
behind the safety and privacy of closed doors, Eggsy left with a sorrowful
look, his hand clenched around the watch tucked safely into his hoodie.
Harry had given him a short list of instructions in his absence. Make sure to
walk Mr. Pickle, get his homework done, try not to be too unsociable to his new
guest, and call Harry if he needed to. Even if Harry wouldn't always be able to
pick up.
Eggsy'd had some time to get used to the idea of having someone who was not
Harry in the house with him by then, but he still definitely had not gotten
used to it. Sean Landon, Harry had said the man's name was and he made sure
Eggsy had Landon's number programmed into his phone, but Eggsy still didn't
know what to expect when he got off the bus that afternoon and made his way
down to Harry's door.
He'd certainly not expected silence. Harry had told Eggsy that they wouldn't be
constantly interacting, but the boy thought that he'd at least be greeted at
the door. Not so. Eggsy dropped his backpack in the den and wandered the house
after relocking the front door, but every room he looked in was empty.
Until he wandered up to Harry's office, the strange room with gossip papers
pinned to the wall in lieu of wallpaper. An oddly sharp-featured man with a
completely shaved head and a sweater that wouldn't have been amiss on some
university adjunct was seated in Harry's chair tapping away at a laptop. He
glanced up as Eggsy paused at the threshold.
Eggsy froze. He was tempted to make a hasty retreat back down the stairs, even
if the man had already seen him. He felt trapped under the man's gaze as he
stood there in silence. Eggsy bit his lip. He'd known this was a bad idea, and
hopes of being welcomed by someone as open and approachable as Harry were
swiftly fading. Eggsy readied his feet to step back, take him back down to the
living room and leave it at that, but the few manners his mother had instilled
in him prevented him from doing so. And Harry. Harry would be disappointed if
Eggsy didn't at least try to be polite to his friend.
So Eggsy held his ground, just for a minute more, and tried to think of
something to say. "Uhm, hey."
"Hello. You must be Eggsy Unwin, unless this is a very badly planned attempt at
trespassing." The man behind the desk shut the laptop with a click. He stood,
and despite the fact that the stranger was of a height with Harry, something
about him seemed intimidating. Much of it was likely to do with the fact that
Harry possessed a warm and open face. Mr. Landon was as unreadable as stone.
The man walked closer, and before Eggsy could retreat, he crouched down
unexpectedly. Pale eyes looked back at him, but the man crooked a dry smile and
held out a hand. "Sean Landon. I've had to mind youngsters before, but I have
to say, they've never been quite so young as you."
Eggsy reached out to shake hands, a gesture he was not accustomed to, but
didn't think he could refuse. "Yeah? Harry told me you weren't used to bein'
around kids." Eggsy didn't mean for that to sound judgmental, but it kind of
did and he flushed trying to think of something he could add to smooth it over.
He came up with very little, so he did what he did whenever he'd accidentally
let his mouth run too far with his mates. He quickly moved on. "You know him
from work?"
"Yes. Occasionally I have to wrangle younger people. Fittings, at the shop, or
keeping them busy while others are involved with clients. Sometimes teaching.
Usually they're not children, however, but close to their early twenties."
Landon gave Eggsy another smile, but something about it felt off. Eggsy
couldn't pinpoint what, exactly. Or maybe he was just uneasy from Harry's
absense and how unknown this man was. "You'll have to go easy on me, as I'll be
learning."
"Oh..." Eggsy didn't know what to say to that. He shrugged, trying to feel a
little less out of his depth. "S'okay. You don't have to treat me like a kid or
nothin'. I could'a probably taken care of myself y'know, since it's just a
coupl'a days, but Harry was worried." Belatedly, again, he thought about how
that might have sounded a little more standoffish than he'd intended. But he
didn't need Harry's friend thinking he was helpless. Even if Landon didn't look
like the coddling type, regardless. Eggsy fidgeted under the man's stare, found
himself unconsciously shifting from foot to foot, legs eager to get back
downstairs.
Something about the boy's unease only drew Landon's eyes more. He gave Eggsy a
flicker of a smile. "I'm sure you can. Harry had told me a bit about you.
However, he also told me he didn't want you surviving off of junk food,
flapjacks, and cheese sandwiches. I'll be cooking, but other than that, I'll be
doing work in here. I'm not here to entertain, and while I'll be checking up on
you now and then, if you need something, you'll have to come and fetch me."
"Okay yeah." Eggsy found himself nodding, very ready to leave. "I'll uh, I'll
leave you to it then." He backed up, the man's eyes still upon him, unwavering.
In fact the man didn't move a single muscle as Eggsy backed into the hall and
turned, eager feet taking him back down the stairs at a much quicker pace than
when he'd arrived.
He didn't know what it was that made him uneasy. Apart from not knowing this
Sean Landon and the man's stare feeling rather...icy. Eggsy resolved to stay
downstairs for as long as possible. Or as long as Landon was up in the office.
He didn't know if the man was going home for the night or sleeping on the
couch, but...eventually Eggsy would have to go back up there and use the toilet
and pretend he was used to sleeping in his own room.
The house was much quieter with Harry gone. It was only now that he was absent
that Eggsy noticed just how much Harry stayed near him. The older man still
gave Eggsy privacy, but he was never all that far away, and if they weren't
doing something together, then Harry would at least stop by every now and then
to see what Eggsy was up to.
Landon was silent. The first sign that reminded him that someone else was in
the house was when the floorboards creaked a few hours later and Landon came
down the stairs and headed for the kitchen.
Eggsy tracked the man over the top of his Game Boy until he disappeared behind
the wall again. The sound of the refrigerator being opened came next.
Eggsy had almost forgotten about dinner. Or at least that Landon had said he
was going to make it. Eggsy had been thinking about finding a snack for a
while, but wasn't motivated enough to get up and look. Now, he wanted to stay
as far away from the kitchen as possible, especially when a dull sense of worry
began to coil in his stomach at having to sit down to dinner with this man.
Sounds of chopping and cooking could be heard. Normally, that might have been
comforting, but that wasn't Harry in there. Eventually there was the sound of
oil sizzling in a pan.
And then, surprisingly, the air began to fill with a mouthwatering aroma. Eggsy
recognized it right away. It was the same smell that accompanied the large,
grease-stained paper bags his mother occasionally got on a treat night.
Hamburgers, and chips, and melted cheese.
His brows furrowed and he set down the game, unable to help glancing at the
kitchen like he could see through the wall. Eggsy had never known someone to
make cheeseburgers outside of a grill up. And it smelled really, really good.
Tentatively, Eggsy pushed aside the books he'd gotten out for homework and
slipped off the couch. He drew up to the doorway, but then decided on a better
idea, crouching low and treading with careful steps into the hall. He pressed
himself against the next wall so he could see into the dining room and only
just part of the kitchen beyond, but nothing more. Eggsy was going to have to
get a little more daring if he wanted to take a look. With a deep breath, he
crouched again and slipped into the dining room, keeping along the wall for a
second before he realized the table would provide better cover. He just wanted
to see.... Even if the low partition between the dining room and kitchen
blocked most of his view, he caught a glimpse of the tall man standing over the
stove.
It was the same man he'd met earlier. He still had an intimidating set to his
shoulders, but his sleeves were rolled up out of the way. A couple of patties
were sizzling away on a flat pan. Another pan must have held the onions that
were adding a savory quality to the air. On the other side, Eggsy could just
barely make out one of Harry's larger pots with some kind of mesh sitting
across the top.
Landon turned and moved to one of the cupboards, glancing through the doorway,
but he didn't seem to see Eggsy. Not yet.
A little flare of pride lit in Eggsy's chest at that. He'd always thought he
was good at this, sneaking around and not getting caught, even if he was
nervous now.
He waited for Landon to turn back around before Eggsy poked his head out the
other side of the table to follow the man's progress. An even better position
might have been crouched under the partition, but Landon might see him if he
stood too close and looked over. Also Eggsy wouldn't be able to see much. He
decided to stay where he was until the burgers were almost ready. Then Eggsy
could sneak out and pretend like he'd never been there all along. He didn't
know what he was hoping to gain from this...except just to watch the man. Like
Landon would really do something interesting, Eggsy mentally chided himself.
Nothing was too out of the ordinary, except where the bacon and cheese smells
were coming from. Eggsy craned his neck, but he couldn't see anything more than
two pans and one pot, which ended up being for the chips. The screen was some
kind of spatter protectant; Landon scooped a bunch of cut potatoes into a mesh
basket, dropped it in, and quickly put the mesh top back on before the pot
could spit out flecks of hot oil.
After only a short time, Landon was pulling the hamburgers off the pan that had
served as a grill and assembling everything onto plates.
That was Eggsy's signal to get out of there.
On nimble hands and feet, he crawled back to the end of the table, peeked out
and made sure Landon had his back turned again, and then slipped as fast and as
silently as he could back into the hall. He all but tiptoed back to the couch
and picked up one of his notebooks, opening it to the page he'd been writing in
maths problems and pretended to be working.
It took Landon two trips to carry everything out to the dining room table: once
for the plates, and one more for glass bottles of cola. When the man came
looking for him, wiping off his hands on a white dishtowel, he found Eggsy
hunched over his homework and affecting a studious air. It might have been
convincing had the boy not been breathing more rapidly than maths warranted.
"Dinner is ready. I made an educated guess that you'd enjoy hamburgers, since
most boys seem to."
Eggsy looked up, but he didn't know what to say to that. He was starving now
after waiting so long with grilled beef and cheese permeating the air.
"Good guess." Eggsy got up and, not taking his eyes off Landon, followed the
man back into the dining room. Eggsy's eyes widened when he saw the burgers.
They were big. There was a lot of food. Eggsy took his usual chair and almost
reached for a plate before he hesitated, not sure if he should wait like his
mum always told him to when sitting at someone else's table or it'd be rude.
But after Landon glanced his way and didn't seem particularly offended, Eggsy
figured it was ok and went for a burger and a bun. He had to hold it with two
hands and when he took a bite, he was surprised to find just as much cheese and
bacon melting on his tongue. "Whoa." Eggsy almost moaned.
"Careful when you get close to the middle." Landon was sampling one of the
chips. After a bite, he seemed pleased with how they'd turned out. "I've only
done these a couple of times before, but the middle tends to stay hot for
longer, and you can end up burning your tongue if you eat too quickly."
Eggsy tried another bite, and something about the look on his face made Landon
quirk a smile again. The man seemed amused by Eggsy's enthusiastic response.
"Does this mean I'm forgiven for intruding on the house, or are you going to
tiptoe around to try to avoid me for the next few days?"
Eggsy tried to hide his pause at that. He shrugged a shoulder, making it as
casual as possible, before taking another bite. "Dunno.... This you tryn'a get
in my good books or d'you an' Harry cook like this all the time?" Eggsy held
the man's eyes that time and took another bite just so he had something to
concentrate on without breaking first. Landon had seemed a little more
welcoming when Eggsy got to the dining room, but even he could see the dinner
was meant to win him over. Even if it was really good. There was no sense in
not enjoying it, Eggsy figured.
"Is it not working?" Eggsy's blunt question seemed to have amused Landon; the
smile he gave was a more sincere this time, and he no longer seemed quite as...
stiff. Formal. Belatedly, Eggsy realized part of what that might be. Harry
defied Eggsy's expectations of what posh people were like, while Landon had
some of the traits that the boy found off-putting. Landon's accent was a crisp
Scottish that had been merged with received pronunciation and the acculturated
modes of speaking of the upper class, but he felt alien when compared to Harry.
"Harry's quite fond of you. Considering we're friends, as well as coworkers, it
would be remiss of me not to make an attempt to be on good terms with another
person he values having in his life. Particularly when they're so few."
If that was meant to pull on Eggsy's heartstrings, it worked. He chewed and
swallowed slowly before lowering his burger. Eggsy felt a pang of guilt for not
being more welcoming to Landon now, even if he suspected that might have been
intended. He also didn't truly know how many friends Harry had. True that Eggsy
suspected not many, at least not that he saw and he knew Harry wasn't close
with his family. But he wasn't sure he should ask Landon and reveal he didn't
know. It felt like admitting Landon knew more about Harry.
So Eggsy found another tack. "Why d'you think that is?"
Landon ate another chip while he pondered the question and figured out exactly
what words he wanted to feed the boy. "Some of that might be too complicated
for you to understand just yet, how layers of the aristocracy work. Put simply,
Harry's unusual, but in ways others don't necessarily like. He's got the
confidence of an old family name and old family money and properties, and a
tendency to politely, but very candidly, say what's on his mind in ways that
others find offensive."
Eggsy gave a quiet laugh at that. "I could see that, yeah." He tried a chip and
watched Landon, who wasn't at all shy about watching him back. It was weird how
the man had warmed and yet was still just as off-putting. There was one thing
Eggsy wanted to know, and he didn't feel like it would give too much away to
ask. The more he thought about it, the more he decided that it would sound like
a pretty normal question coming from someone his age who had a friend like
Harry. "So what does Harry say, y'know, when he talks about me?"
"A great many things. That your cleverness and intellect is being squandered by
your school's educational ability, which may be why you find it so boring, but
that it's important that you be near your friends and familiar things." Landon
watched Eggsy for his reactions. "That you're personable and bold for your age,
and been through quite a bit that's a testament to your courage. All of which
reminds him, in ways and at times, of your father."
Eggsy's eyebrows climbed higher and higher. He forgot to chew. "Harry said all
o' that? You serious?" Eggsy knew Harry liked him. He knew Harry even thought
highly of him, but to hear it like that, out of someone else's mouth, with
specifics..... Landon's mouth crooked and Eggsy realised he was opening up a
bit more, just like the man wanted. Between the food keeping him there and
Landon's compliments plying him for conversation, Eggsy was slipping in his
determination to stay away from the man. But...if Eggsy could hold his ground,
maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.
"Harry did, and he doesn't say things he doesn't mean. Which is a double-edged
sword at times," Landon replied dryly. He raised his soda glass to take a drink
and rewet his throat. When he lowered the glass and Eggsy was still staring,
Landon barked a laugh. "Are you surprised that he told anyone at all, or are
you surprised that he told me?"
Eggsy blinked. "Why'd I be surprised he told you?" Unless it was that plain
that Eggsy thought Landon was a bit frightening. "I mean, I don't think I ever
heard it confirmed by somebody else before. That Harry thought that an' all."
Eggsy shrugged like it was no big deal, even if that cover was already blown.
Eggsy looked away, swirling a chip in ketchup before he popped it into his
mouth. "I gotta admit, I dunno much about you."
"Well, that's expected, considering we've just met and it's unlikely Harry
would talk about work with you. I know very little about you either, beyond the
bits and pieces Harry's related to me." Landon paused for a moment, and a hint
of a smile touched his mouth. "From what I read in between the lines, being
here must be quite a change from what you've been used to. What is living with
Harry like?"
Eggsy's eyes dropped back down to the chips and he took another, trying to
fight a sudden bout of nervousness at the question. He shrugged one shoulder as
he popped the chip into his mouth, forgetting to put ketchup on it. He wanted
to show just how great Harry was, but...he wasn't sure if that would be such a
good idea. "Different, I guess. Harry's real nice. An' it's not so far away
that I had to switch schools or anythin' like that." The words came out of
Eggsy in a rush. "He makes me do homework an' all still, but it ain't so bad."
He scooped up a few more chips just so he wouldn't have to meet Landon's eyes.
"I just think it would be an adjustment. He told me you came from a council
house, from a family with a lot of money problems. Making such a change has to
be a shock. For Harry as well, I should think." Landon watched Eggsy closely.
Thus far, nothing had been too telling. Eggsy's nervousness could be easily
dismissed as unease regarding talking to a stranger. What Landon couldn't test
was how well he'd react to questions from people he already knew and was
comfortable with. "Harry's never had anyone living with him in all the years
I've known him. He must have an unusual affection for you, to be willing to
move from living alone to having constant company."
Eggsy did look up at Landon at that. It was easier when he wasn't sure whether
he should be offended at the man's mention of his family's background
or...frankly, Eggsy didn't know what to do with the second comment, that Harry
inviting him in was highly unusual.
"I ain't some charity case," Eggsy said with confidence though he thought
quickly he ought to amend it. "Least, I don't think so." He couldn't think of a
good enough reason for Harry to like him except for that. So with narrowed gaze
and a lift to his chin, he turned the question back at Landon, even if he was
reaching for anything he could find. "You don't think Harry'd be nice enough to
help out somebody like me? He knew my dad y'know."
"I do know, from Harry's old stories," Landon replied. "And your father isn't
the only person he used to know who left behind a widow and at least one child,
although I will admit that Harry had a particular connection in regards to your
father saving his life. It just doesn't seem significant enough that he'd be
moved to get more than personally involved. Harry has always been very private,
in many respects. It's very sudden for him to decide to change that."
Eggsy shrugged again, growing even more wary. "Why don't you jus' ask him
then?" He could hear his accent coming thicker. He was on the defensive now,
gearing up for a fight, even. It was possible Landon was just curious, but
Eggsy didn't know what to do with these questions but hunch in on himself and
expect the worst. He took a big bite of his burger just so he wouldn't have to
talk, but he couldn't break his gaze away from Landon.
"I have." Landon paused to eat another chip. He was enjoying the boy's
squirming a bit too much. More so considering that he had Eggsy practically
cornered in a physical sense - he had nowhere to go but Harry's house, after
all. "He seemed a bit smitten with you. I thought it was possible that, after a
number of years, Harry was beginning to reconsider having children in his life,
regardless of the fact that he's still single. I don't know why you're so upset
about me asking why you think he's become involved in your life. Surely you've
already thought about it?"
Eggsy felt his cheeks begin to heat and fought it down. 'Smitten'. That wasn't
a word he expected Landon to use even if it made sense, in a way. "Jus' none of
your business is all. If you're judgin' me cause of my mum an' money an' stuff.
So what if Harry likes me. Or wants kids or summat?" Eggsy saved himself in the
last minute and he could feel his cheeks reddening just a little more. He
couldn't tell if Landon thought he was being justifiably curious or if he was
just being rude, but Eggsy's irritation might be his only way out of this
conversation.
"I'm not judging who Harry picked to adopt. I'm interested because I am the
best friend Harry has, which is why he picked me to look after you. Which
you're making very difficult, I have to say." Landon was used to dealing with
mouthy, rebellious new recruits from a position of authority, and all of them
were a great deal older. Harry wouldn't appreciate him using any of the usual
techniques on his boy toy. "I'm trying to figure out what sort of person you
are, for Harry's sake. He's been much happier lately, and I want that happiness
protected. What I don't know yet is whether you're going to break that or not."
Eggsy's teeth clenched. That did it. "So what you're sayin' is you don' trust
me, that it?" Indignation welled in him like a fountain. There was so much he
wanted to volley back at Landon, but none of it he could put together when he
was this angry. All this good food, just a trick to get Eggsy to open up, or
feel like he owed Landon for being nice to him, or something. And then being
judged, and all these questions when Harry had warned him just how dangerous it
was if he said anything.
Eggsy didn't want to take it. He dropped the burger on his plate and gripped
the edges of his chair. He leaned back, shoulders hunched, and glared at
Landon. "Can I be excused now?"
"Yes, you may." Landon watched the boy slide out of his chair and barely
restrain himself from stomping off. Amusing as the sight was, Landon was
irritated. He wasn't used to dealing with people he wasn't allowed to control.
Eggsy made no secret that he didn't like or trust him, and the boy was so
nettly that he wondered how Harry had even managed to coax him into his hand in
the first place. Such was Harry's gift of charm, he supposed, which was why
Harry was a field agent and he was a support handler and surveillance expert.
More concerning was the fact that Eggsy was so poor at hiding secrets when
provoked. Even if he hadn't known about the relationship between Harry and
Eggsy, Landon would have been able to make some educated guesses about the
situation from the boy's reactions. Harry needed to be told. Eggsy was a weak
link, and viable to get Harry caught if he ended up in front of the wrong
person who asked the wrong questions or was a bit too observant.
From the living room, Eggsy could hear the faint sound of dishes being cleared
away several minutes later. A small part of him regretted giving up the
cheeseburger. He'd gotten enough to eat, but he wasn't full and now he probably
wouldn't get another. Still, this friend of Harry's wasn't very nice at all. He
couldn't see how Harry had a friend like Landon. He didn't even try to be
respectful or understanding, especially if Harry had already told him what
Eggsy had been through. A small part of him, deep down, wondered if he wasn't
overreacting. That maybe Landon hadn't meant anything by it. That maybe Eggsy
was just too sensitive to being thought of as lower class, or having his
relationship with Harry questioned. Landon's questions hadn't really been that
prying....
Eggsy buried himself in a corner of the couch, feet curled up and arms wrapped
around himself. Thoughts like that just made it worse, that his reaction might
have been his fault.
When the sound of footsteps neared the hall, Eggsy grabbed one of his notebooks
and pretended to be reading.
Landon rounded the corner, caught sight of the boy, and sighed. "Eggsy, I'm not
that unobservant. You don't have to sneak around and pretend to be occupied in
order to avoid me. Although I'd prefer it that we talk more, later, to try to
come to some sort of accord, since I'll be here for a few days and likely will
be asked to do this again the next time Harry has a business trip. You do not,
however, have to do anything other than tell me that you want to be alone, or
don't want to talk, and I'll respect that."
Eggsy felt his lip quiver, but he did his best to hide it behind the notebook.
He hadn't expected that pang of guilt and it warred with the anger inside of
him, making his stomach feel too tight.
Eggsy swallowed. "Then I don' wanna talk. Told you already I was good at bein'
on my own." He refused to look up and meet the cool gaze he knew Landon was
giving him. He could see it just out of the corner of his eye and even that was
too much. Landon was a looming shape in the hall, but it was the wrong shape.
"You don't have to, now, but we'll have to later. Harry wouldn't want us
fighting with one another," Landon countered softly. "But not now. I can see
that you're too upset. I'm going back upstairs to the office. You can come get
me if you need anything. Let me know if you get hungry before bed."
With that, Landon came closer, but only enough to reach the foot of the stairs.
The wood creaked as he climbed, but after a few seconds he was gone and Eggsy
was alone again.
Eggsy took a deep breath. He didn't know why he felt like he'd just faced down
a lion. He put the notebook down, but didn't uncurl from his spot on the couch.
He missed Harry. That feeling hit him harder than anything had in weeks. Not
since he'd been left alone at Aunt Sue's. Harry said he was coming home, that
it was just going to be a couple days, that he'd be back well before the
weekend was over, but Eggsy wanted him back now. It felt like a hole in his
chest, having someone else there instead of Harry.
Eggsy got up, put his books in his backpack, and trudged up the stairs. He
wasn't particularly tired and it was still a little early to go to bed, but he
didn't know what else to do to get rid of that feeling. He passed by the office
without glancing in, determined not to shy away. Let Landon see him; this was
as much Eggsy's space now, too. He brushed his teeth and went to his room to
put on his pyjamas before it hit him that he couldn't go and crawl into Harry's
bed. He could have hit himself for forgetting.
With his heart sinking even lower, Eggsy crawled under the blankets and turned
off the light, trying not to let the unfamiliarity of it all get to him.
Not all that long after, Landon heard the muffled sounds of crying. He'd taken
care of his own work already and preoccupied himself with hacking into Harry's
network of cameras and microphones. A few taps on the keyboard brought up a
visual of Eggsy's room and, sure enough, there was a ball of misery curled up
underneath the bedcovers, shaking whenever a sob hitched. Landon leaned back in
his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose.
He wanted to curse Harry. What was he supposed to do with a weepy child? After
a few minutes of deliberation, Landon shoved down his discomfort with the whole
situation and got to his feet. It seemed a long walk, although it was only a
few feet to Eggsy's bedroom. Landon paused at the doorway, then rapped his
knuckles politely against the wood.
The sniffling sounds immediately stopped. Seconds passed in silence until
finally Landon heard a small voice sound within.
"What?"
The tone left no room for doubt, Eggsy was making up for his tears with venom.
He probably hadn't expected Landon to hear. Possibly even assumed Landon had
gone downstairs for the night or had taken Harry's bed. Eggsy clearly didn't
realise how loud he'd been until now.
"You're upset." Landon was stating the obvious, but he didn't know what he was
supposed to do. Let the boy sob himself unconscious? That was an option, but
one Harry wouldn't care to hear about when he got back. Or see, for that
matter, since Landon didn't doubt that recordings were going to be downloaded
and stored somewhere. "I don't know what I've done to earn such a reaction from
you. Or are you simply angry that I'm not Harry?"
He was met with silence. A rather telling silence.
A loud sniff and some rustling came from inside and then the click of the lamp.
The crack under the door lit with a warm yellow glow. But still Eggsy said
nothing, and Landon could just imagine him sitting there in bed, working out
what to say or not to say, what would be too telling and what he could admit.
"Eggsy..." From the silence, Landon was beginning to suspect what was going on.
It wasn't just that the boy had taken a dislike to him, likely from the way
he'd tested Eggsy to see how well he was able to lie. Eggsy was new to
relationships, and Harry had only encouraged the boy to become as attached as
he possibly could, and now Eggsy was feeling that loss in a way he hadn't
before. "Can I come in? Or... would you prefer to come out? I think Harry still
has the hot chocolate mix he keeps tucked into the upper lefthand cupboard,
unless you both have managed to drink it all."
It was another second before Eggsy made his voice heard. "You can come in." He
couldn't disguise the note of shakiness in his voice, however.
When Landon turned the handle and cracked the door, he saw Eggsy just as he'd
pictured: sat up in bed with the light on beside him, hunched forward with his
hands fisted in the sheets, eyes red and looking overall quite miserable. His
bottom lip quivered as Landon approached the bed, but Eggsy wasn't scared of
him. That much, at least, was good.
Landon sat down at the edge of the bed. After a moment of hesitation and one
aborted attempt, he reached out and laid a hand on Eggsy's back. The boy looked
like he was going to burst into tears again at any moment, much to Landon's
discomfort. "What are you upset about? Harry not being here? It's only for a
few days."
Eggsy's face crumbled. He took a breath, but his words were hitching when he
spoke. "I jus'.... I jus' really miss 'im..." And then the tears were falling
again, even as much as Eggsy was clearly trying to hold it back. He wiped at
his eyes with the back of his hand, but he couldn't stop them. The small bit of
comfort Landon gave him seemed to open up a flood. Eggsy wouldn't look Landon
in the eye. He just hunched in on himself like he could hide it, and then the
next thing Landon knew, Eggsy had tipped forward and buried his head against
Landon's side as he cried.
Landon's eyes widened. His lips parted in surprise and the hand not resting
against Eggsy's back hovered in midair, uncertain of what he should do. Landon
wasn't a consoling sort of person. He wasn't someone who was particularly keen
on touch, either, and yet here he was with a child crying against his chest and
seeking comfort that he didn't know how to give. After a second, Landon drew on
observations he'd made over the years and, swallowing down his instincts and
his revulsion over inevitably getting covered in snot and tears, let his arms
encircle the boy and pull him closer. Harry was going to owe him for this.
"It's alright. Everything is going to be fine. Just a few days and he'll be
back."
Eggsy just cried harder. Landon didn't think he'd said anything that terrible,
except that Eggsy still had days to go before Harry returned. Small hands
clenched in his shirt and Eggsy didn't let go. He also didn't look up, just hid
his face and tried to stifle the sobs.
After a few minutes, Eggsy finally quieted into small snuffles. He still didn't
let go. He held on so long in fact that it became apparent that he didn't want
to let Landon see him, that he was probably ashamed for having cried like that
in front of a stranger. Especially after he'd tried to assert just how well he
could handle being alone.
One of Landon's hands reached up to stroke Eggsy's hair. He was doing his best
to hide his distaste. From the wet, thick sounds Eggsy was making, it was clear
that his shirt was due for a laundering. "...it's alright. It's going to be
rough, but you're not alone. Not unless you want to be. I'll see if Harry has a
bit of time and maybe you can even sneak in a brief phone call, hmm?"
Landon shifted, but Eggsy was still clinging tightly to his side. "What do you
say we go to the bathroom and clean you up a bit?"
Eggsy took another breath and finally let go, nodding. He wiped his nose and
eyes with his arm and still avoided Landon's eyes.
"An' hot chocolate?" Eggsy asked as Landon slid off the bed and drew Eggsy
along with him, hand carefully placed at Eggsy's shoulder. Eggsy followed
easily enough even though he kept his head bent and dragged his feet a little.
He winced when Landon flipped the switch and they were bathed in bright light.
It wasn't until Landon turned on the tap that Eggsy finally glanced up.
Landon was calm. He had the same focused look on his face that Eggsy had
previously found cold, but as he bustled around, grabbing flannel from the
linen closet and wetting it, Eggsy thought something was a little softer.
Concern, maybe. The boy was more surprised when Landon knelt so that they were
on an equal level again. "Yes, we can make some hot chocolate too. Tilt your
chin up a bit so I can see. There."
A warm cloth wiped away the evidence of Eggsy's tears. Landon stood again to
rinse the cloth off. Still, the man couldn't help but grimace as Eggsy took a
tissue from the box and blew his nose.
Much to Landon's surprise, Eggsy gave a small laugh. Landon hadn't hidden the
expression well enough.
"Sorry," Eggsy said, "I ain't usually like this." He sounded a little better,
more collected if still quiet, and the hitch was gone from his voice. Eggsy
rose up onto his toes to glance at himself in the mirror. He could only just
see, but he grimaced when he did and slumped back down, again not meeting
Landon's eyes. "Thanks."
"You're welcome. Harry asked me to be here for you, after all. He's never
bothered to have me housesit for him before the house was occupied. He usually
just dropped off Mr. Pickle at my house, but I'm glad he didn't think to try
that with you." Landon gave him a flicker of a smile, just enough for Eggsy to
see that he was joking. The man gestured towards the doorway. "I think you said
hot chocolate was next on the itinerary."
Eggsy nodded and led the way back downstairs, bare feet carrying him lightly as
he went. He didn't look like he was ready for smiles yet, but he was calm now
and he might just be, tentatively, very tentatively, warming up. Eggsy slid
into a seat at the dining table while Landon went to the cupboard to find the
mix. Eggsy wasn't shy about watching anymore, but his feet still swung
nervously under the table. He watched in silence as Landon brewed hot water and
took down two mugs.
"There's marshmallows in the other cupboard," Eggsy spoke up. "One next to the
fridge."
Landon glanced at him, then went to check. Sure enough, a plastic packet of
white fluff was nestled on one of the shelves inside. Landon retrieved it with
a bemused look. "Harry must have gotten these for you. He's never had them, the
times he's had me over. Of course, most of the time we weren't drinking hot
chocolate." The kettle began whistling, and Landon tossed the packet at Eggsy,
nodding in approval when the boy caught it. He moved back to the stove to pour
water into the mugs.
Moments later he deposited Eggsy's mug in front of him and sat down in the
adjoining chair with his own.
Eggsy dropped a couple marshmallows in his mug and nudged the bag over to
Landon. He picked the mug up with two hands, careful not to spill, and took a
sip. It was good, evidenced by how quickly he took another. And another after
that. The drink turned out to be a good idea. Eggsy looked more settled the
longer he sipped, turning the mug this way and that in his hands to get at the
marshmallows. He seemed almost to forget Landon was there at all for a while.
Eventually, Eggsy broke the silence. "Think we can call him tomorrow after
school?"
"We'll see. We can't interrupt him while he's with a client, but I'll let him
know you want to talk. Hopefully he'll get back to me before you get home. It
could end up being right away, or later in the evening, depending on what's
going on." Landon raised his own mug, his eyes down on the table in thought. He
knew all too well how tricky it would be to coordinate enough time for Harry to
get to a secure location where he wouldn't be overheard. And how dangerous it
might be to have anything distracting him while out in the field. Harry was
already going to be distracted enough; Eggsy crying into the phone about how
much he was missed might increase that distraction considerably.
Eggsy just nodded, his eyes falling back to his mug. It was almost gone
already. After another moment of what looked like intense scrutiny, Eggsy's
fingers slipped into the bag of marshmallows, pulled one out, and popped it
directly into his mouth. He glanced up at Landon and then did it again.
Apparently, Eggsy's coping method for loneliness was more sugar.
"You'll never sleep if you eat all that, you know." Landon's gaze was fixed on
him again. It was just as unsettling as before, but something of the cold was
offset by how out of place Landon obviously was. Both hands were wrapped around
his own mug to warm his palms, and he looked at Eggsy as if he didn't know what
to make of him. "You'll need your rest for school, and so that you're awake
enough to actually talk to Harry once we get him on the phone."
"I know," Eggsy said as he took another marshmallow out of the bag. "Are you
uh.... Are you stayin' down here, or up in Harry's room?" Eggsy asked, unable
to avoid the bluntness of the question. He was looking at Landon again, like
he'd gained some of his courage back. This time he was making his face blank,
too. Like the question held no particular meaning to Eggsy.
Landon blinked. "In Harry's room, of course. There's no particular reason for
me to sleep on the sofa when Harry told me I was welcome to his room.
Thankfully, that puts me in shouting distance if you need anything, although
I'd prefer you not to wake me up if you get hungry. Just grab something from
the kitchen yourself."
Eggsy shook his head. "Won't do that." He looked a little dejected at the
thought of someone else sleeping in Harry's bed. If Eggsy was upset about that,
Landon realised, it meant there was a very high chance he'd been sleeping in
Harry's bed for a while now. Eggsy did not ask on the subject any further, just
drained the rest of his mug and went to put it in the sink.
"Will you be alright for the night, or do you want me to stay close by?" Landon
rose to put his own mug in the sink, rinsing it out first before it settled
against Eggsy's with a small clink. "I'm not Harry, obviously, or a
particularly good substitute for him. It's early enough to watch a film or
something similar, however. I had assumed that you'd left for bed early because
you were upset with me and the situation."
Eggsy looked a little guilty at that. He tried to give a shrug, but it wasn't
as nonchalant as he was aiming for. "Could maybe watch a film, I guess," Eggsy
mumbled, but he didn't sound quite so disheartened as he'd been before. Then he
glanced up at Landon like he was trying to read him. "Long as it's somethin'
good?" Eggsy amended, coming to the conclusion that Landon's choice of films
might be suspect. If Harry had expressed his penchant for romantic classics to
Eggsy at any point, Eggsy might have turned wary of the tastes of any adult
Harry's age.
"I'm sure we can come to an agreement. I'm partial to the action, suspense, and
horror genres, myself, but I don't want you to pick something so frightening
you can't sleep. Which," Landon reminded him with a quirk of an eyebrow. "Might
mean that you miss your phone call with Harry out of fatigue, and neither of us
want that. Let's see what's available, and both of us reserve the right to veto
the other's suggestions. Does that sound fair?"
"Sounds fair, but good luck tryin'a scare me," Eggsy shot back, head up, eyes
brighter than they'd been mere moments ago. His tone lacked the bite it had
before. Eggsy slid off his chair and went to open the film cabinet Harry had
once kept tidy, now in disarray after Eggsy had gone through it several times,
while Landon followed.
It took Eggsy a couple minutes, pulling out tapes and putting them into a small
pile next to him, but when he'd gathered a few he looked back up at Landon.
"Aliens or Predator?" Eggsy asked with what might have been a slight lift to
the corner of his mouth.
"Aliens, for certain." Landon's mouth was touched by a real smile, for the
first time since Eggsy had met him. The emotion even reached his eyes, which
were lit with approval. "Have you seen it before? Horror movies tend to all
have jump scares, but this one's are a bit unique. Not really for the
squeamish, or the claustrophobic."
"Some of it," Eggsy said with pride as he put the tape in and went back to his
spot on the couch, the spot that Landon hadn't taken. "But my mum came in and
turned it off before it got to the end," Eggsy admitted. "But Harry lets me
watch whatever I want, an' I'm older now, so she won' be upset or nuthin',"
Eggsy rushed to explain, fearing Landon might suddenly change his mind. "An' I
don't have to tell her." He glanced sideways across the couch, folded up into
the corner and looking nervous, but hopeful.
Landon settled back onto his own side of the couch, as relaxed as he could be
with such unusual company. His smile hadn't vanished yet, had turned just the
slightest bit playful. "I'm not arguing the point. Harry's house, Harry's
rules, and nothing that happens here needs to leave the premises. He can even
blame me if you get traumatized. Just don't expect me to walk you to the
bathroom in the middle of the night if you wake up afraid that there's an alien
under your bed."
"No way." Eggsy pressed his back into the seat and scoffed. He got comfortable
and reached for the remote to turn the volume up while Landon turned off the
light.
Eggsy may have sounded confident, but over the course of the film, Landon
caught him jumping more than once. Eggsy looked pale and even smaller under the
glow of the telly with his legs tucked under him and the way he'd half turned
into the couch, an unconscious reaction to the horror playing out on screen. He
put up a brave front though, or thought he was simply by staying as still as he
could, but the way he held his arms close to his chest and the subtle tension
in his hands gave him away.
Landon enjoyed every minute of it. Eventually he began covertly watching the
boy more than the movie itself, and ruminating over the fact that his laptop
was now hooked into Harry's cameras and recording every moment from different
angles that he could view again later.
Once Eggsy had begun to warm up to him - and, importantly, was no longer
leaking tears and mucus - Landon had to admit that the boy had a particular
charm. He couldn't fully understand Harry's interests in Eggsy, not without
sharing in Harry's tastes and perspectives, but he was beginning to have a
glimpse.
Eggsy's attention was too caught up in the film to notice, and even if he did,
Landon could keep such a straight face that it would have been difficult for
Eggsy to decipher anything from the looks. By the time the film was over, he'd
inched marginally closer to Landon's side of the couch, but mostly Eggsy had
just tried to bury himself in it.
When Landon finally looked over at him without trying to hide it, Eggsy
straightened. "That was sick," he declared in a tone much surer than he felt.
The older man laughed. "Yes, it was. But more importantly, did you enjoy it?
That's a bit of the point of horror movies, after all. To be able to explore
things you'd never want to really face in real life, get a bit of a thrill, and
then go back to your life without any trauma. Or hopefully," Landon added,
giving Eggsy a dubious look. "You appear a bit shaken. Do I need to be leaving
the hallway light on? Hallways do look a bit like spaceship corridors in the
dark."
"Shut up!" Eggsy smacked his hand against Landon's shoulder without thinking.
"I ain't scared! Even if it was scary. Like, that just makes it good." Eggsy
lifted his chin and pushed his shoulders back in a show of defiance. "Maybe you
want the light on," he added, levelling Landon with a raise of one small brow
and a cock of Eggsy's head. He stared Landon down in challenge.
"I've watched far scarier than this," the older man laughed again. He stopped
before Eggsy could mistake him as laughing at the boy, instead of the
impossibility of the situation. Landon nudged Eggsy right back in the shoulder.
"Tell you what. If you're telling the truth, and you're not scared tonight,
then tomorrow you can ask Harry if I'm allowed to show you something scarier.
How's that sound?"
Both of Eggsy's brows went up at that. "Okay!"
In spite of the way Eggsy couldn't quite hide his reaction to the film they'd
just seen, he wasted no time deliberating. He'd have time to spend thinking of
whether that would be a good idea or not overnight, but if the soundness of the
decision occurred to him then, he didn't want to show it. Eggsy obviously
wanted to make good on his claim that he was more grown up than he looked, in
spite of his bout of tears. There was a competitive streak in the boy, one that
jumped at Landon's challenge the moment he'd issued it.
"Now, since it's already getting past your bedtime, how about a demonstration
of that bravery?"
Landon's smile widened. Eggsy was already primed for the trap, leaning forward
defiantly, spine straight at the notion that he was afraid. "You can go up the
stairs first. No lights on, mind. That's cheating."
Eggsy looked at him like he was joking, but Landon saw the kernel of
trepidation in his face. Eggsy hadn't expected to be challenged.
"What, you gonna make noises down here or summat?" Eggsy cocked his head. He'd
obviously intended it to be a rebuke, but his tone wasn't quite confident
enough. Landon simply gave him a raised brow in return, so Eggsy huffed and
slid off the couch. "Fine. 'S easy." He rolled his small shoulders,
straightened his back, and made his way out into the hall with Landon's gaze on
him all the way.
Eggsy tried not to think about it as the light faded from the stairs. The pit
of his stomach dropped as soon as he looked up into the darkness of the second
floor landing, knowing it must be there, but unable to make anything out. He
took a deep breath, grit his teeth, and started climbing.
Landon followed behind him, several feet back, stopping at the bottom of the
stairs to watch Eggsy climb. The older man was amused, but also strangely
proud. Another child might have backed down at such a challenge, or tried to
get accommodations, or made excuses. Eggsy had been dismayed, but he'd risen to
the challenge anyways.
Eggsy was doing rather well for himself, in fact. The boy's steps were
faltering as he neared the top and looked down the lightless corridor, but he
hadn't stopped. He didn't stop, in fact, until he was at the top of the stairs
and the bannister ran out. The hallway stretched on in front of him, made
unfamiliar by the gloom and the dark, segmented bodies now haunting Eggsy's
imagination. "Needing assistance, Eggsy? Or are you alright to walk to your
room and turn on the light?"
"Told you, I ain't scared," Eggsy called back, his voice just a little louder
than it needed to be. Defiance. Yet Landon could just make out how tense the
line of his body was.
Eggsy stepped forward, kept his eyes straight ahead of him like maybe if he
didn't look, there would be nothing lurking around the corner of Harry's office
or just around the side of the bathroom door. Tellingly, very tellingly, the
only other direction Eggsy glanced was Harry's room. Only briefly and then he
was through the door of the guest room. Landon saw the light flicker on barely
a moment after Eggsy's feet crossed the threshold.
Landon was impressed, not that he'd ever voice it. Few boys Eggsy's age would
normally be able to stomach such a film, particularly after being a bit
sheltered, and then go walk down a pitch black hallway on a dare. Landon didn't
know whether that signaled beneficial traits or not. In some, that kind of
behavior marked bravery, willpower, and reasoned thought. In others, it could
mean obstinance and pride that could get them, and people around them, badly
hurt or killed from sheer foolishness.
After a few moments, Landon climbed the staircase himself.
He didn't expect Eggsy's head to poke out the door. "So I made it then, yeah? I
get to talk to Harry tomorrow and ask?" It was almost funny how someone could
sound so keen and yet so uneasy at the thought of more horror, but Eggsy's eyes
were filled with hope and even a little bit of pride. Landon could see the way
his hands clutched together over the door handle, still not quite relaxed.
"Yes. Yes, you do." Landon hadn't expected Eggsy to grow on him, and yet
inexplicably, it seemed to be happening, even after the boy's initial brattish
and combative attitude. The older man didn't usually like kids, but Harry had
been right about at least one thing: Eggsy was different. "You still need to
brush before you turn in, though. Harry's not likely to forgive me if he comes
back and I've let your teeth rot from sweets and a lack of hygiene."
Eggsy gave a great sigh and rolled his eyes. "That doesn't happen in a couple
days you know." But he trudged off to the toilet, regardless.
If Landon wasn't mistaken, and he was sure that he wasn't, Eggsy was beginning
to let his guard down. Some of that dinner and his attempts at being kind to
the boy had paid off. It remained to be seen just how comfortable Eggsy would
get, or how much he'd open up, but the boy didn't seem to be offended by his
mere presence anymore.
All to the good. That would make a great many things easier. Since Eggsy was
never going to return to his mother's care, the boy would have to get used to
his presense at the very least, and his level of comfort and trust would make
it that much simpler to keep him oblivious to Kingsman, and Harry's actions.
Eggsy wouldn't be suspicious and looking for cracks and clues.
Eggsy's lowered guard would also make it easier to further test exactly how
well he'd guard his secrets around those he otherwise trusted. Landon already
had feedback for Harry about the boy's body language, but the more data they
had, the more they could guide Eggsy into hiding things more seamlessly.
Eggsy didn't take long in the toilet. He came out to find Landon had settled
into the office again. This time, Eggsy hovered in the doorway, apparently a
bit out of sorts about the proper manners for their relationship now.
After a moment of dragging his toe against the floor, Eggsy got Landon's
attention. "Er, g'night. You know when to get up in the morning?"
Landon looked up from his laptop screen. He hadn't been working on anything,
simply because he hadn't wanted to risk Eggsy glimpsing anything had he decided
to enter the room and draw close. "Yes, Harry gave me quite an earful about
making certain you're well-fed and at school on time. I'll be awake on time,
although I'm sure you'll wish I wasn't, just for an excuse to skip a day."
Landon paused, and gave Eggsy another flicker of a smile. "Good night, and
sleep well. If you need anything, I'll likely be either in here or in Harry's
room."
Eggsy gave a small nod. "'Kay." But if Landon wasn't mistaken, and again he had
reason to believe he wasn't, Eggsy still looked a little heartbroken when he
mentioned Harry's room.
After another somewhat awkward second, Eggsy turned and went back to his own
room. Once there, he closed the door only partially, and didn't turn out the
lamp for a very long time.
Landon brought up the camera feeds and watched Eggsy struggle to get to sleep.
Having two worries on his mind counterbalanced things a bit; it was difficult
for the boy to be too sad about Harry's absence with the anticipation of a
phone call the next day and the excitement of the horror movie still fresh in
his mind. Eggsy tossed and turned under the lamplight, and then a bit more once
he turned it off and only had light from the hallway streaming through his
cracked door.
After he'd seen enough, Merlin picked up his phone and texted a short message
to Harry to coordinate the phone call the following day.
Chapter End Notes
     Hi everyone. We hope this chapter finds you well. Due to unavoidable
     RL happenings, next week's chapter is going to be a week late. We saw
     this coming, and it shouldn't be any later than that. We do hope to
     give you a small treat instead, so check our blogs next Friday (Aug
     14th) for that. Silus and Piper
     Otherwise, just wait for the next chapter as usual and you'll see.
***** Chapter 13 *****
Chapter Notes
     We're back! Thanks for waiting, everyone. Here's an extra bit of art
     to make it worth it. Inspired at no particular point in the story
     (yet, we'll see) and also by J.C. Leyendecker, Harry takes Eggsy out
     for the night:
         [http://41.media.tumblr.com/645183d13393d4fc67c4ebdecc5ba6d7/
                    tumblr_nt3agnxGLA1treh0no1_r1_500.jpg]
                                More_art_here.
The next afternoon saw Eggsy bursting through the front door at top speed,
shedding his coat and backpack, and calling up the stairway for Landon. It
wasn't hard to guess what was on his mind, as it was the same thing that had
been on his mind ever since Landon first met him, and there was nothing quite
like Harry Hart to get the child over a long night of little sleep.
Eggsy bounded up the stairs, heading straight for the office.
Landon had enough forewarning to quickly save and exit out of the programs he'd
been using. Eggsy wouldn't have realized what he was looking at, even if he'd
caught a glimpse, but Landon was not in the habit of taking chances or letting
assumptions cause him to grow complacent. He'd seen how such things had ended
others at Kingsman throughout the organization.
The older man turned to smile at the small figure that popped into the doorway.
Even so, part of him felt a twinge of annoyance. Few people were ever happy to
see him - and even then, usually they were happier for the information or
services that Landon had to offer. Eggsy was no exception to the rule. The boy
was only excited to see him because of the way he'd be facilitating Eggsy's
connection to Harry.
"Welcome home. I see you survived the school day intact."
Eggsy shrugged but was only marginally thrown off track. He did not yet have
the tact to hold on manners and greet Landon out of consideration. Instead, he
planted himself in front of the desk and gave the man wide, pleading eyes.
"Did you hear back from Harry? Can we call him? Please?" Eggsy even rocked up
onto the balls of his feet in his excitement. It was almost jarring how much
the quintessential boy he was in that moment.
Landon didn't have Harry's eye, but even he could easily imagine where such
things could go. Eggsy was bright-eyed and flushed, eager, leaning forward.
Landon wondered just how often Harry had seen Eggsy in a similar state, and
then rapidly progressed to a state that required privacy and discretion.
None of his thoughts lit upon the older man's face. Landon maintained his mask
of pleasant amusement, one side of his mouth quirking up before he dug out the
cell phone he'd prepared. "I did hear back, as a matter of fact. He's still in
a meeting until about an hour from now. I'd ask you to get a start on your
schoolwork, but I suspect you won't be able to concentrate until after the
call."
Eggsy nodded frantically, but somehow he managed to make it look a little
sheepish. "You're right on that one, bruv." He gave a huge sigh, one meant to
calm him down, and then looked a little lost. "Can we have dinner maybe? Unless
you're workin' on sumthin'?" It was still early, but Eggsy looked like he
couldn't think of anything else to do. Even video games couldn't distract him
when Harry was involved, apparently. His hands swung at his sides and he looked
like a ball of nervous energy.
"You don't look like you'd sit still for dinner. Unless I'm mistaken, you're
more restless than hungry." Landon pocketed the phone, clicked shut the screen
of his laptop, and got to his feet. After a moment of thought, Landon gave
Eggsy a considering look. "You know, I'd be willing to bet that Harry still has
the football I gave him, somewhere. Mostly as a joke, as Harry's more the type
to watch sporting events than play them, but I don't think he'd have gotten rid
of it. Harry's a bit of a hoarder at times, if you haven't noticed."
With another flicker of a smile, Landon slid his hands into his pockets. "Would
you care to go look with me? Having something to kick around will fare you
better than waiting for an early dinner and rushing through it just to make the
phone call in a timely manner."
"You play?" Eggsy brightened. "We could take it out back. Promise not to break
the neighbours' windows. Much." The boy grinned and slipped past Landon, making
his way back into the hall with an overly confident swagger. "Where d'ya think
Harry'd put somethin' like that?" Eggsy quickly discarded the rooms upstairs,
except for maybe the closets, as well as the small library and the other spaces
he'd seen downstairs. It was clear he'd never gone through Harry's things
before, probably rarely even with Harry's supervision, as he looked slightly
hesitant at the thought of it.
"I'm going to venture a guess that it's in storage, in the little underground
garage stall. That tends to be where Harry puts everything he doesn't count on
using for quite some time." Landon didn't need to roll his eyes; his tone said
quite enough. He followed behind Eggsy, who had immediately turned and walked
towards the stairwell. "Maybe between the two of us, we can persuade Harry to
get out of his suits and into something a little more grass-stained. He doesn't
seem to heed me, but he might listen to you."
Landon flipped the light switch as they stepped through the doorway that led
into the small unit. Each stall was sectioned off for privacy and security, the
garage door leading out into the underground driveway shared by several units
before it curved upwards and exited onto a back street. The stall was a tight
fit for Harry's car, but sure enough, tucked in one corner was a metal rack
with several storage boxes. Landon pulled a few down and peeked inside the lid,
then tilted one for Eggsy to grab the football hidden inside, next to what
looked like two photo albums.
Eggsy stayed close to his side. It was dark down there even with the overhead
light on and he hadn't forgotten the film they'd watched the night prior, but
Eggsy grabbed the ball and took a half step back. His gaze was, however,
noticeably caught on the box still.
"What's those?" Eggsy asked, curiosity getting the better of him before he
realised it might be impolite to pry into Harry's things. If he realised it at
all, for Eggsy stepped forward again just as Landon turned to look and picked
up one of the albums.
"Photos. Probably old embarrassing ones, if he shoved them out here." Landon
picked one up, flipped it open, and chuckled. Before Eggsy could ask what was
so funny, the older man had turned the album around so Eggsy could see.
The photos were of a much younger Harry, likely in his early twenties or even
late teens. They had the grainy, aged look of old photos, but the colors were
still bright. Harry was bright eyed and disheveled, his school uniform askew or
missing pieces. More likely than not, he was drunk, and there were people whose
faces hadn't been captured by the camera, or were captured imperfectly. Harry
was sprawled across someone's lap in one photo, and others had blurred limbs
and faces. In the photographs that were clearer, Eggsy recognized no one else
but Harry.
"Whoa." The word left Eggsy in a breath of air. Without thinking, his small
hands reached up to take the book from Landon and flip through it, transfixed.
There was Harry in a suit, straight-backed and formal, but posing in front of
the camera like it was his very first. Eggsy looked surprised to see the
glasses, the same glasses Harry still wore. He kept flipping and stumbled upon
some from a...very different setting. Harry with his shirt off, glasses on,
posing in front of the camera like he was a model. The next was more of the
same, in a different position, arms above his head, but this time his belt and
trousers were undone, hips pushed suggestively toward the viewer. Landon
recognised them from one of Harry's first honeypot missions, but Eggsy....Eggsy
just stared, having no idea what to think.
"He was quite the partier, at school and in our social circles. It's very
popular to say that people mature and mellow out with age, but I'm not
convinced that Harry ever truly outgrew his wild youth. He just became more
strategic about how and when he indulged. Get a few drinks in him and you'll
see, with the sort of comments that come out of his mouth." Landon paused.
"Although, come to think of it, sometimes he doesn't need a drink at all."
Eggsy turned his wide eyes on Landon. In another situation, Eggsy might have
laughed at such a thing, might not have been thrown by it at all. If it were
the father or guardian of one of his mates, for example, but there was a faint
flush to Eggsy's face and he didn't seem to know what to say. Or how to feel
about Landon's nonchalance.
"Y'think so?" Eggsy finally asked, apparently trying to pretend it was no big
deal after all. Except for the sincerity in his voice that gave him away, and
the glances he kept throwing at the book.
"I know so. Harry's never stopped with the teasing and the pranks, so long as
he thinks he can get away with it." Landon glanced down at the book again and
shrugged. "If you haven't seen it yet, I'm sure you will, considering you're
living with him for a while."
Eggsy was still quiet, and not able to stop sneaking looks and the photos.
Landon slid his hands into his pockets and tried not to let his sense of
satisfaction write itself across his features. "Does it bother you?"
"Whu-? Oh, no," Eggsy said, flipping the book shut. "I mean, just surprised is
all. Sounds more like my mates back home." He gave a little shrug and tried to
cover up his odd reaction with a very cute smile. "Y'think Harry'd mind if we
brought some of this stuff up?" Eggsy looked over the other few items on the
shelf, but it was obvious he was thinking only of the albums. Eggsy could lie,
certainly, but deception was not his strong suit.
"I don't see why not. Let Harry be the embarrassed one for a change. Although,
I don't know if we'll manage that. He is rather shameless." Landon plucked the
photo albums out of the box and tucked them under one arm. "We've still got a
bit of time to kick the ball around before Harry will be available to call.
Think you'll be able to go easy on me? I've spent more time watching than
playing, in recent years."
Eggsy cocked his head and immediately he was back in game mode. "Dunno 'bout
that. You might just 'ave to take a beatin'." Eggsy darted around Landon and
kicked the ball ahead of him, swerving to reach the door in the dark before he
picked it up again, grinned, and shot up the stairs, leaving Landon to follow.
Eggsy may have acted like he'd forgotten about the books after that, kicking a
ball around the secluded mew seemed utterly engrossing to the boy and Landon
had to admit that Eggsy was actually quite good at it for his age, but he had
also seen the look that had come into the boy's face upon seeing those images
of Harry.
Landon also didn't doubt that Eggsy was still thinking about the albums and
that they'd find their way into the boy's room, sooner rather than later. Eggsy
would be sneaky about it, and likely put the albums back wherever they were
originally left, but the cameras wouldn't lie. Landon knew what he'd be
prompting the moment he planted those photos and the football in Harry's
garage.
He'd get a measure of just how far along Harry's corruption of Eggsy had
reached, and he was willing to bet that it'd be quite a show. Not his usual
preference, but there was always something more fascinating about seeing the
corruption of youth, or people he personally knew, instead of targeting
strangers and watching them fall.
By the time they were finished, Eggsy was dripping sweat down his collar bone
and believed he'd thoroughly trashed the older man. The boy even crowed about
it as they headed back through the front door, waving his arms over his head
like an invisible crowd was applauding for him. Naturally, he dropped the act
and forgot about it a second later, the moment he turned around with that
hopeful look on his face and fixed Landon in his sights. Landon hadn't even
closed the door.
"So can we call Harry now?"
"Yes. Fine," Landon sighed and pulled the door closed behind him, turning the
bolt and testing that it was properly locked. He wasn't a field agent for
several reasons, and he'd forgotten just how exhausting children tended to be.
Letting Eggsy talk to Harry on the phone meant that he could get away for a
respite in the kitchen, work on dinner, and then have a well-deserved rest
while Eggsy did his homework. "Up in the office, if you please."
Landon felt even more tired watching the boy race up the stairs in response,
prompting Mr. Pickle to awaken from his sleep in his kennel in the kitchen and
give a few barks at the noise. Landon was slower to follow, and he had dug out
his phone and already started to dial before he came face to face with a
bright-eyed, expectant Eggsy.
The boy took no notice of his state of fatigue. Eggsy was far more interested
in the phone in his hand. The boy settled himself beside the desk, not
bothering to take the other chair in the corner, and waited while Landon
called.
They both knew Eggsy could have done the same with his phone if he'd really
wanted to. Or needed to. But Eggsy hadn't had permission and, more importantly,
if he'd done so, Landon would have heard about it.
It was several rings before the line picked up on the other end and Harry's
voice sounded in Landon's ear.
"Yes, hello?"
"Hello. Sorry to bother you on a work trip, but you have a very important and
anxious client who needs to have a word. Or several." Landon's gaze flicked to
Eggsy, taking in the boy's barely-contained excitement, and he was amused all
over again. Eggsy wasn't faking, but if he had been, Landon would have
suspected that Harry had put him up to it in an effort to gloat and flaunt
their relationship right under his nose.
Landon held the phone out and spoke loudly enough that he knew Harry would hear
him through the receiver. "I'll be downstairs if you need anything. Do try to
keep things short. Harry does have work to do, and sleep to catch, and
international phone calls are rather expensive." With that, Landon turned on
his heel and left the office.
He didn't bother to pause outside the door. The microphones in the office would
record everything for his perusal later.
"Harry?" Eggsy asked into the phone.
"Couldn't stay away, could you, love?" came Harry's soothing voice on the other
end. Eggsy just about melted, memories of the Harry he'd seen just days ago
fresh in his mind and how much he missed him, now mixing with memories of those
photos. Of Harry, younger, casually sexual, murmuring the word 'love' into
Eggsy's ear. "How are you holding up?" Harry asked. "Is Sean treating you
well?"
Eggsy tried to speak, but for a few seconds nothing came out. A lump had lodged
itself in his throat, and Eggsy felt the threat of yesterday's tears before he
swallowed the emotion back down. "I... yeah, I guess. I mean, now he's alright.
He was a nosy tosser at the start, but... he let me watch Alien and said I
could watch something else if I did alright and you said yes, and I trounced
him at football, but he's not you. Are... you're comin' back soon, right?"
"Yes Eggsy, still on schedule. Looks like I should be home before the end of
the day tomorrow." Harry's voice was filled with warmth and it made Eggsy think
he might not be the only one who was missed so fervently. "Sounds like you're
keeping Sean on his toes. I appreciate it. It'll be good for him." Harry
sounded like he was smiling that soft smile of his. Eggsy could just imagine
it. Something that sounded like a man shouting came up in the background, but
it was gone just as quickly. Harry went on, completely unperturbed, "Do you
still have that watch I gave you? I hope you've been keeping it safe."
"Yeah, I got it. I thought about keepin' it in my pocket at school, but... I
didn't want anyone nickin' it, or it fallin' out. I wrapped it up and put it in
my backpack, but there's not a scratch on it or nothin'." Eggsy knew exactly
where it was. He'd be digging it out after dinner, to turn over in his hands
while he went through the borrowed photo albums when he thought Landon wouldn't
notice they were missing. Neither would be a substitute for having Harry there
and falling asleep with the safe feeling of a larger body wrapped around him
and sheltering him, but Eggsy would take even one of Harry's accessories over a
complete lack. "I just wish you were here. I... he asked me all sorts of
questions. Your friend, I mean, and then he was sleepin' in your room, and I
didn't... remember. That I couldn't do some things."
"Oh?" Eggsy could hear the raised brow in Harry's voice. "And what came of
that?" Harry didn't sound worried, but then again Harry never really sounded
worried, not even when he'd seen Eggsy at the worst of times. He'd seen Harry
angry, insistent, absolutely resolute, but never quite worried, so it was very
hard to tell if Harry might just be hiding it. He had warned Eggsy what would
happen if he let on about their relationship, but he'd not given the boy many
guidelines on what to say instead.
"I... I don't..." Eggsy broke off for a moment and glanced at the doorway, but
it was clear, and he'd heard Landon descend the stairs to the ground floor.
Even so, he lowered his voice to a whisper. "I don't think he knows, but it was
weird. Like he thought it was strange, you adoptin' me when he's not seen you
being interested in havin' kids around before, I guess. It kinda felt like he
was asking about personal stuff, like he was suspicious, and I didn't know what
to do and I just got mad that he'd do that. He tried to bribe me, y'know? Made
burgers for dinner the first night and tried to get me to like him before he
was a git."
Harry, to Eggsy's surprise, chuckled into the phone. "I hope you told him off,
then? That sounds like Sean. But don't let it get to you. Sean has been curious
for some time now about how I've shown interest in you, but it's only because
he's known me for so long. You don't have to hold it against him, or worry. Not
with him. If he continues to pry, you have my permission to tell him where to
shove it." Harry sounded like he was moving, and very suddenly Eggsy heard the
distinct sounds of a street. Then more voices, shouting. "Look, Eggsy, I'm
going to have to go now, but I'll be home soon."
"I-...ok, um..." Eggsy's tongue felt too thick in his mouth. He'd barely gotten
to speak to Harry at all, and the fact that his time was up filled Eggsy with a
sense of panic. Harry was half a world away, and nothing Eggsy could do would
keep him safe and bring him home sooner. "Harry? I... love you, just come home
soon and be safe. Or else," the boy added, putting a bit of heat into the last
two words even though he had no way of enforcing consequences. "I mean it."
"Thank you, Eggsy." Harry sounded sincere in spite of the way Eggsy could tell
his stride had quickened. "I love you, too," Eggsy heard just as something very
loud sounded in the background, almost like a car backfiring, and the line went
dead. Eggsy was left alone in Harry's office, everything silent and still. He
couldn't even hear Landon on the floor below, just the dull hum of the street
outside and not much more.
With his heart still pounding in his chest, Eggsy quietly made his way back
downstairs.
Landon was busy in the kitchen. The air was full of the smell of garlic, which
seemed to be radiating from the oven. A pot of water boiled on one burner,
while a mixture of meat and tomato sauce bubbled in a pan beside it. The older
man looked up the moment Eggsy appeared in the doorway. Once Landon caught a
look at the boy's expression he wiped his hands on a white dishcloth and left
his post beside the stove. "Is something wrong? I would have thought speaking
to Harry would have improved your mood, but you look ill."
"He had to go." Eggsy gave a half shrug. He didn't know how to explain any more
than that. He'd been starting to get along with Landon, and now didn't know
exactly how to say anything. "What are you makin'?" Eggsy finally asked,
setting Landon's phone down on the dining table and coming into the kitchen. It
smelled very good, subtly spicy, but Eggsy's heart just wasn't in his voice.
The sooner Harry was back, the better, and Eggsy didn't like the uneasy feeling
that call had given him. It had ended so quickly.
"Spaghetti with meatballs, although possibly a different sort than you may have
had before. Different spices," Landon explained. "And baked bread to go with
it. It's a trick I've seen before, slicing it and putting cheese and garlic
butter in between the slices before wrapping the loaf in foil and baking it.
Lets it melt without it all drying out or burning around the edges."
Eggsy wasn't really listening, and Landon had suspected as much. He'd been
anticipating this, even. Now that the excitement of his talk with Harry was
over, there was nothing else for the boy to look forward to other than Harry
coming home, which wouldn't be happening that night. He was going to be dealing
with a sulky, melancholy child for the rest of the evening, and possibly
another emotional fit as Eggsy went to bed alone again.
Eggsy was, this time, trying to hide it better than he'd done before, which
still wasn't very effective. Eggsy leaned against the counter and picked at the
hem of his shirt, but he didn't complain, and that was probably because he'd
been getting along better with Landon. He just looked so forlorn.
Finally Eggsy came up to the stove and tried to look at what Landon was doing.
He could have gone to sulk in his room, or picked up his game again, or a book,
or even called a friend...if he still had any nearby, which was very unlikely.
But instead Eggsy stayed in the kitchen, considered the boiling water, and
looked up at Landon.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Not with this. Noodles, sauce, and bread is all fairly straightforward and
already underway." Landon glanced down at the boy by his side. "You might want
to pick out what you want for pudding, however. And we haven't discussed the
evening's activities, once your homework is done."
Landon picked up a slotted wooden spoon and began to stir the sauce, which was
bubbling enough that it was in danger of starting to spatter. "Did you lose
your appetite for another horror movie tonight? There are other options. You
just seem despondent, and I've a theory that getting you out of the house for a
bit might distract you from the fact that Harry is currently missing from it."
That got Eggsy's attention. "I ain't forgotten about our deal," and he looked
like he wanted to make sure Landon knew it, but Eggsy bit his lip and thought
about it. "What's there to do outside?"
Eggsy hadn't actually explored much of the area Harry lived in. Not apart from
one or two cafes where Harry had brought him. He rarely even thought about it
when he had Harry there to keep him company. Harry who made dinner almost every
night, who sat with him on the couch and wrapped Eggsy in his arms, who joked
with him and kissed him and let Eggsy talk and act in ways no other adult
would. Compared to that, he hadn't really thought about going out to explore.
"Not much in this neighborhood, at the moment. At least, not for a boy your
age," Landon amended. "But there's an event going on only a short ways across
town. Indoors, so we don't have to worry about the cold. I'm willing to venture
a guess that, while you've maybe seen a few sports matches in person, that
you've never seen any fighting competitions. I think it may be something you
enjoy. Martial arts competitions are intense and interesting to watch, and
there are several varieties. A few people will be testing for new ranks, some
will be teams or individuals competing against each other, and there are also
specialty weapon demonstrations and sparring."
Eggsy's eyes widened. "Wh--really? We can go see a match?" His eyes widened
even more as it sank in and Landon didn't rescind the offer. "That'd be
brilliant!" Just as quick as that, the melancholy faded from Eggsy's demeanour,
replaced with a joy that lit up his features and was barely contained inside
his little body, causing him to rock back onto his heels and grasp the counter
top. "What kinda fighting is it? D'ya think we'd get to see anybody knocked
out?"
One thing was for certain, between Harry and Landon, Eggsy was getting spoiled.
If one didn't count what had been done to the boy's mother.
"We'll likely see several matches before we have to come back here." Landon
busied himself with transferring the pasta and sauce to plates. He gestured for
Eggsy to grab a canister of parmesan cheese out of the refrigerator while he
took the bread out of the oven. "Some of the fights have full protective gear,
and others don't. Team sparring goes by scored points, like other team sports.
One-on-one sparring usually does as well. Weapon and skill demonstrations are
interesting and sometimes result in watching a target object get destroyed, and
ranking tests consist of the student getting attacked by several people at
once, some of whom have prop weapons, and having to successfully neutralize all
of them in order to pass."
"That sounds intense." Eggsy was hanging on Landon's every word and following
him through the short distance to the dining table like the boy was glued to
his side. Landon caught a glimpse of what it must be like to be Harry. If
Eggsy's excitement was like a ray of sunshine, having it turned upon him all
the time could be quite nice. For someone who could handle it. It was a slight
miracle, considering who Harry was, that he had managed so far. But then again,
Harry was just as infatuated.
They settled down at the table and Eggsy sprinkled a healthy amount of cheese
onto his plate before he dug in. Watching the boy eat spaghetti was...something
else altogether. Something Harry would have appreciated immensely.
"So these fights, they happen a lot, yeah?" Eggsy asked after sucking a noodle
into his mouth and licking sauce from the corner.
It was a wonder that Harry had kept his patience and his hands to himself for
as long as he had, considering. Landon watched and, while he wasn't even
remotely tempted, he had no difficulties picturing what Harry's long courtship
must have been like. "In seasonal circuits. I'm sure some places have regular
sparring matches, but some of these displays only happen every few months when
the next competition rolls around."
Landon reached across the table to take the canister once Eggsy relinquished
it. "It isn't only adults at these events, either. Teenagers and children have
their own competitive brackets, they simply compete at different times."
Landon didn't think it was possible for Eggsy to look more starstruck. Like the
boy hadn't anticipated that, even though he'd been in gymnastics himself when
he was living with his mother. "I gotta see this. Bruv', if you can fight at
the estates, nobody's gonna mess with you. This one kid, Rick, he's so big he
don't even have to fight. An' nobody wants to try an' risk it cause if you do,
that shite'll haunt you forever. They don't ever let you live it down." But
Eggsy had a spark in his eye that told Landon he was imagining it just the
same. The boy let his fantasy unwind in his imagination and twirled a heap of
noodles onto his fork.
Landon began spearing the noodles on his own plate. The conversation broke off
into companionable silence, but one that was significantly more pleasant now
that Eggsy had an upbeat attitude. Landon couldn't fathom how Harry had the
energy to deal with trying to take care of a child like this and indulge him
all the time. Doing so in Harry's place wasn't too terrible, for a short time,
but the perks of their relationship had to be significant for Harry to be
willing to take on the burden on a permanent basis. Or perhaps, as Landon had
sometimes considered, he simply didn't understand relationships of the sort
other people seemed to have.
"So you're interested, then. How's your homework? Will you be alright for
tomorrow if we head out after dinner?"
"I'll be fine!" Eggsy piped up right away. "I just have a couple worksheets for
tomorrow, an' they're almost done anyway." Eggsy ate the last few bites on his
plate and then went so far as to clean everything off the table without being
prompted. He took his dishes back to the kitchen and put them in the sink, even
washed his hands before he came back, nearly bouncing on the balls of his feet.
"We're not gonna be late, are we?" Eggsy looked at Landon's cleaned plate like
he could make the man hurry through force of will alone.
"No, we have some time. Go get your coat." Landon rose to bring his own plate
to the kitchen. He was already beginning to regret the suggestion, except for
the fact that Harry would thank him later and an excited child was far more
endurable than a depressed and whining one. Eggsy would be focused on the show
instead of on the lack of Harry's presence, which would make things easier for
the both of them. Harry would be the one who would have to endure mindless
chatter about martial arts for the next few months.
If Eggsy heard him, it didn't sink in. The boy scurried off to the hall to grab
his jacket and Landon had the distinct feeling that if he'd been Harry, Eggsy
would have grabbed his as well. Eggsy ran to his backpack and fished out
something else, not his Game Boy, that was much larger. Whatever it was, Eggsy
stuck it in his pocket and zipped it up tight before he came back to the hall.
"You ready?" Eggsy called after Landon, who very obviously wasn't.
"Not yet." Landon didn't bother with trying to hurry for Eggsy's sake. The boy
would do well to learn a little patience, and he wasn't Harry, to be lovestruck
and pampering his youthful partner. He took his time putting his things in
order, pocketing what he wanted from his belongings currently being stored in
Harry's office, and finally joined Eggsy down by the closet. Eggsy was
practically vibrating in impatience.
Landon tugged his own coat on and walked Eggsy out to the car.
For as excited as Eggsy was, he still minded his manners in his own way. Even
though Landon knew Eggsy didn't trust him completely, especially not with
Harry's secrets, Eggsy didn't let his impatience turn sour. He never raised his
tone like he'd done the first day.
Instead, Landon was treated at length to a tale of every fight Eggsy had ever
witnessed among the children of the estates, and when he ran out, every tale
Eggsy had ever heard of. Needless to say, it went on for quite a while, long
enough that it wasn't until they were nearing the inner city, when Landon
pointed ahead to show Eggsy the gym they were looking for, that Eggsy finally
quieted out of sheer awe and anticipation.
Landon parked and walked them up to the entrance. A few adults were already
there behind a table, and Landon paid for spectator tickets for himself and
Eggsy. They went up a set of stairs and emerged out onto a balcony with an
incredible view of the main platform that was sectioned off for the
competition. People were already down on the platform, although they weren't
fighting anyone else, simply showing off several different moves. Screens
displayed the names and rankings of who was on stage, and a schedule of what
events were upcoming and which rooms the events were in. For their own room,
single competitors against groups were up next in a few minutes.
Eggsy was on the edge of his seat the moment they sat down. He glanced at the
display for only a second before his attention was consumed by the fighters
warming up below.
"Are those guys the ones competing?" Eggsy asked. "Who d'you think's gonna
win?" It didn't occur to him that Landon would likely have no experience in
this area. Landon had brought him here and he was an adult and maybe was even
an enthusiast or something, and that was enough for Eggsy. It helped too that
he gave off far less of the posh impression that Harry did.
"A lot of that is going to depend on which school the competitors are from.
Each has their own strengths and weaknesses," Landon explained. "Although a
great deal is going to rest on individual skill and the state of each
competitor tonight. Rather than trying to guess, I would suggest that you just
observe for a while. Watch what patterns and techniques do well, versus the
ones that do not. A few are going to be demonstrating weapons, as well. My
favorite rounds to watch are the ones where a competitor has to neutralize
several opponents who all have weapons while they start empty-handed."
"That sounds really hard," Eggsy admitted, eyes still as wide as ever as he
watched the men below while the audience gathered into the seats around them.
To Eggsy's fortune, the seats in front of them were left open and he wasn't
forced to try to peer over anyone's heads. The way he was half draped over the
back of that seat might have had something to do with it, but Eggsy was
completely oblivious to such things. Not even the stand selling candy and
popcorn drew his attention as the lights finally dimmed over the crowd and
brightened on the arena.
The fighters moved off the platform and the main display was cleared as an
announcer stepped up to take their place.
Each person's name, school, style, and rank was announced before the fight, and
then they appeared in front of a table on the floor below. Each person bowed to
the people seated behind it, who must have been judges.
When they straightened, backed up, and faced each other, the action began.
Landon smiled at the little gasp Eggsy gave as the first two fighters ripped
into one another, fainting and dodging and blocking, whipping limbs towards
vulnerable spots sheathed in foam padding. That protection didn't stop
particularly vicious blows from knocking people off of their feet. The first
round went to a fighter who was much shorter and slighter in appearance than
his adversary, who nonetheless knocked him right off of his feet and out of the
ring with a series of clever kicks.
"Whoa," Eggsy breathed. "Does that happen a lot? The shorter bloke can beat the
others?" He looked back to Landon for a split second before his attention was
drawn back to the ring, specifically on that round's winner. Eggsy's eyes
tracked him through the crowd as he went to meet with another man who must have
been his coach. Eggsy kept watching as he was provided some water and a towel
and Landon could see the gears clicking in the boy's mind.
Eggsy was small for his age. He was athletic, but he probably wouldn't grow to
be as tall as Harry. The more Eggsy watched the more a spark began to light in
his gaze.
"Height and weight lend some advantages, but it's not a certain thing.
Cleverness and skill can bring victory even if genetics happen to be stacked
against you." Another batch of competitors stepped forward, this time one
person going up against a group of opponents. Some of them had wooden knives,
while others had replica guns. Landon watched Eggsy while the fight below
started and unfolded, noting the way the boy's frame tensed with excitement and
leaned forward. "With the right training, all sorts of possibilities open up."
The more Eggsy watched, the more enthralled he became. Match after match
provided something new. At first Eggsy wasn't very good at predicting who would
win, but Landon, reading the background of each fighter, explained more and
more. Unexpected wins didn't happen very often, but when they did, Eggsy seemed
to enjoy those the most.
By the last few matches, Eggsy had only gotten marginally better at thinking
about each fighter's skill and background and guessing who would come out on
top, but half his problem amounted to nothing more than irrational optimism.
Eggsy was too excited to be feeling tired, and so it was up to Landon to watch
the time and tug on Eggsy's sleeve when it was time to go. The competition
wasn't done, but it wouldn't be for some time - there were a couple of hours
yet, and more that stretched on into programming the next day. Eggsy made a bit
of a fuss, but he came, even if he complained about it. They walked back out to
the car in gloom broken only by streetlights and the omnipresent light
pollution of London. Eggsy chattered the entire time about the matches, and
Landon dutifully ignored him, thinking instead about Harry and the work he'd be
doing once Eggsy went to bed.
Once they were back home and shedding their coats in the doorway, Eggsy stepped
down the hall with fists clenched, practising swings and kicks, backing an
imaginary opponent down to the living room where he finally tackled the
imaginary being onto the couch. A heartbeat later he stood and went through the
whole routine again while Landon looked on in tired amusement.
At Landon's prompting, Eggsy made his way up the stairs to get ready for bed,
but not without another imaginary battle along the way.
Landon let him get on with it at his own pace. A check on his cell phone showed
nothing amiss. No emergencies, but that didn't mean that new work might not be
lying in wait for him in his inbox. Landon made a detour to the kitchen to
pilfer a bottle of scotch from Harry's pantry and then ascended the stairs.
Thankfully, Eggsy was actually doing what he was supposed to be doing, at least
from what Landon could hear. The light in the bathroom was on, and he could
faintly hear the sound of running water in the sink. Landon took a moment to
walk to Eggsy's doorway and glance into the bedroom. As he'd suspected, at some
point at least one of the photo albums had migrated when he'd been distracted
elsewhere. He could see a corner just barely visible underneath Eggsy's bed,
mostly hidden by the edge of the duvet.
With that in mind, it wasn't too surprising when Eggsy left the bathroom and
headed to his bedroom, calling a hasty "Goodnight!" to Landon before he shut
the door behind himself.
Sounds of Eggsy opening the dresser drawers announced him changing into his
pyjamas, and, as Landon settled down at Harry's desk with his drink and his
laptop, a few clicks of the mouse showed him that was exactly what Eggsy was
doing. Curiously though, the boy fished something out of his trouser pocket and
held it tight to his chest before he grabbed the hidden album as well and
climbed up onto the bed.
Eggsy nestled into the covers and laid the book beside him. He took out the
other item, the one he'd been holding so carefully, and with his sleeve he
rubbed it slowly.
Landon had to switch to another camera before he caught a glimpse of what it
was Eggsy held in his hand. It was the soft, yellow gleam in the lamplight that
gave it away.
Landon nearly choked on his pilfered scotch. Eggsy was curled around a piece of
Kingsman equipment. Not just any equipment, either - the piece of gold jewelry
was recognizable as one of the standard issue watches that came equipped with
amnesia darts and could, in fact, be upgraded to something more severe, or hook
into other weapons from the arsenal. Eggsy had been carrying it around with him
all night, and possibly during the previous day as well. He could only have
gotten the watch from Harry, and Landon doubted that Harry would be careless
and smitten enough to fail to notice if Eggsy had stolen the watch.
It had to have been given to the boy. A boy who likely didn't know how
dangerous the watch in his hands could be.
Eggsy was careful with it. The way he traced his fingers lightly over its
surface said that much. He even avoided the dials on the side, which brought
another bout of suspicion to Landon's mind. Divining what Harry had and hadn't
told him about the timepiece was only going to make his blood boil.
Eggsy set it down on the night stand and picked up the photo album instead,
flipping through page after page until he got to the one he wanted. It wasn't
difficult to guess which one that was. Even with so many of Harry in relaxed or
suggestive positions, none were quite as tantalising as the one from that early
mission.
The way Eggsy looked at that, too, was enough to give Landon a great deal of
data about how things were progressing between the boy and Harry. Eggsy had the
complete unselfconsciousness of someone who thought they were unobserved and
wasn't burdened with shame. The boy was leaning against one arm, the other
trailing underneath the covers in a way that was familiar to anyone who'd dealt
with youth just discovering their sex drive. Eggsy glanced at the doorway every
now and then, alert for any sounds that Landon was going to check on him, but
mostly uncaring of the danger of being discovered.
Eggsy clutched the book tight with one hand. He even rolled onto his side to
get a better angle, and get closer. The way he spread himself out like that, he
was definitely imagining Harry in the room with him.
How strange it must be, to be this young boy. As easily as a magician freeing a
tablecloth from under a set of glassware, Harry had pulled Eggsy's life out
from under him and replaced it without him being the wiser. And now he was so
gone for Harry. Even reminded of Harry's age, upon discovery of photos such as
this, Eggsy was not deterred from his infatuation. It was almost artistry, what
Harry was doing.
Which was exactly one of the reasons Landon liked Harry, and had picked him to
assist in his own hobbies. Harry had a talent. He was a master at these sorts
of illusion and manipulation games, able to charm whoever crossed his path or
orchestrate a series of events to neutralize them. Eggsy was going along
willingly, but the boy never stood a chance. Something about all of this had a
feeling of the inevitable. What was more surprising to Landon was that Harry
seemed to be falling for Eggsy just as much as Eggsy was falling for him,
entrapped where he may have only been imagining a temporary involvement in
Eggsy's life.
That could prove worrisome, in time. In spite of Harry's talent, his resolve,
and all the resources at his fingertips, the odds were stacked against him. As
anyone Landon's age--and Harry's--knew, time changed all things. He was going
to have to speak to Harry about backup plans at some point. Some point soon.
On the monitor screen, Eggsy bent his head, just inches away from the photo
now. His small lips parted and his hand jerked underneath the blankets, his
hips along with it, until he squeezed his eyes shut and stilled with a soft
gasp.
A small thrill rippled through Landon at that, although it had nothing to do
with Eggsy, really. Harry's vice was just as potentially dangerous as other
Kingsman agents, but more thrilling due to the novelty of it and just how long
he'd hidden his predilections from everyone else, Landon included. It felt like
a privilege to watch Harry's artistry and observe as his friend and the boy
tangled into one another and began to sink. The difference was that, while
Landon occasionally bestirred himself to avert repercussions for other agents
out of duty and organizational solidarity, he was more motivated to protect
Harry out of the simple fact that he liked Harry.
And Landon did not tend to like anyone. That in itself gave him something to
ponder, along with the memory of how he'd allowed Harry to get close enough to
observe his own vices and a portion of the aftermath.
Not only observe, but participate. Even if, like Landon now, Harry had not
gotten precisely the same enjoyment out of it, Harry had not rejected him for
it by any degree. Harry rarely judged anyone involved in the missions he was
sent on apart from a professional or instinctual assessment. This was far more
personal and yet Harry did the same. More than, even. Because Harry had enjoyed
it in a way. He'd enjoyed being let in to Merlin's little world. He'd enjoyed
being Merlin's hands and his voice, his tool. Harry had enjoyed using his
skills to such an end, even if Harry had not gotten much out of the murder
itself.
That kind of showing off was telling. Harry liked Merlin as well.
After a minute to catch his breath, Eggsy leaned over and pushed the photo
album back underneath the bed. He left the watch there on the night stand,
stroking his fingers over it once before he reached and turned out the lamp.
Landon watched the dark panel of the camera feed, tapping the button that
switched the camera to night vision. He watched Eggsy's small body slide lower
into the bed, settling and adjusting the sheets until he went still.
Landon's decision, in retrospect, had already been made. He'd already known it
when he'd let Harry force him into babysitting his charge with minimal fuss and
objections, and when he'd been kinder to the boy than was necessary in order to
get Eggsy to like him as well as trust him. He'd known it when he'd started to
test Eggsy's responses to dangerous questions and sounding out how much of a
weakness the boy was. This relationship that Harry was building had a very good
chance of ending badly, and Landon was going to be there, and instead of
watching Harry go down in flames as he had, with great delight, observed with
so many others, Landon was going to yank him back to safety.
Undoubtedly, he'd also have to deal with Harry's broken heart, but it would be
an annoyance that was acceptable. Landon didn't tend to acquire friends, but
now that he had one, he had no intention of losing him.
===============================================================================
Eggsy slept in late the next morning, but as soon as he was awake, he was up.
It was the sound of his footsteps in the hall and then the shower as the boy
took over the bathroom again that alerted Landon to his presence. Eggsy
showered and dressed almost as quickly as he'd awoke. Then he slipped
downstairs on nearly silent feet before he came back up again. He must have
realised Landon would notice the album missing if he left it in his room. Not
bad on foresight, but still Eggsy was transparent.
Eggsy noted the door to Harry's room was ajar and so went to the office
instead, tentatively poking his head inside before he thought to knock.
Landon was already at work on his laptop, although the moment he'd heard Eggsy
up and about he'd switched the screens over to accounting programs. Posing as
Kingsman Tailoring's financial expert served as an excellent cover while also
discouraging Eggsy from wanting to ask questions or peek at his work; small
boys didn't find dry accounting documents to be very interesting.
Landon turned as the office door creaked open just a bit more and caught a
glimpse of Eggsy. "Ah, you're up. And enjoyed a great many dreams about
becoming a competition-winning fighter, no doubt. How do you feel about
breakfast?"
"Mm, yes please." Eggsy looked to be in a good mood that morning, and there was
no question why. Harry would be home sometime before the day was through. Eggsy
turned and bounded down the stairs to the living room while Landon was left to
close up his work and follow.
By the time he reached the downstairs, Eggsy had the telly on and was watching
some cartoon show, but he seemed very easily distractible. He leaned over the
edge of the couch and called to Landon. "So what's for breakfast?"
"Let me see what Harry's left us to work with," Landon called back as he
disappeared through the kitchen doorway. A few moments later he ducked around
the corner. "If you're amenable to it, you can come assist me with preparing
ingredients for omelets. It's not difficult, and if you find yourself on your
own and having to cook breakfast, it's useful to know more than how to heat
instant meals and prepare sandwiches. Perhaps you could even surprise Harry
with breakfast some morning."
"Yeah that'll happen." But Eggsy turned off the telly and jumped down from the
couch anyway. From what Landon saw of Eggsy, it wasn't hard to imagine the boy
would try to cook for Harry as a treat someday. However, the outcome of such an
effort would be somewhat uncertain. Eggsy probably didn't think of himself as
much of a cook yet, either. Still, he stepped into the kitchen curious and
willing as Landon went through the refrigerator for ingredients. "Just eggs and
vegetables, right?" Eggsy asked as he looked over the frying pan on the stove
top.
"Not necessarily. There's different types of cheese. If you cook it before
trying to add it, there's also gammon and sausage and bacon. Although it
appears we only have bacon and cheddar at our disposal." Landon beckoned Eggsy
over to the fridge and waited until the boy was at his side. "Is there anything
you won't eat, as far as vegetables are concerned?"
Eggsy tilted his head back and considered Landon. "I dunno. Most of 'em?" he
said with a trace of optimism. When all Landon gave him in return was a level
stare, Eggsy shrugged. "The green peppers are okay, I 'spose. An' mushrooms. I
like those. Jus' nothin' weird, ok?" Landon looked quite put-upon as he got out
the ingredients Eggsy requested, but at least there were some vegetables in the
mix. Eggsy got out of his way as he spread it all out over the counter top.
After some internal debate, Landon decided to trust Eggsy with a kitchen knife
- closely supervised. They sorted and washed the vegetables together, and then
Landon got out two chopping boards and showed Eggsy how to cut the ingredients
safely and easily. With two pairs of hands instead of just one, preparation
went much more quickly, even with Eggsy being a bit slower due to lack of
practice.
Landon was having Eggsy crack eggs into a bowl when his cell phone chimed.
Landon excused himself after warning Eggsy not to horse around with any of the
knives and went into the den for a few minutes.
As soon as he was out of immediate earshot down the hall, he pressed the
receiver to his ear.
"Are you alone?" came Harry's voice. He went on after a quiet affirmative.
"Something's come up I'm afraid. There's been a theft at the American CDC.
Someone's made off with highly dangerous materials and they suspect these
individuals are about to pass it off to the highest bidder very soon. I was
pulled off the plane the moment I landed. Merlin, I'm very sorry, but it
doesn't look like I'll be making it home tonight."
"Shite." Merlin didn't bother apologizing for his language; he'd been looking
forward to handing Eggsy off to Harry and washing his hands of the situation
for a while. Now he had to babysit what was soon to be a distressed and bratty
child for an indeterminate amount of time while worrying about Harry's well-
being. "Who's your handler? Tell me you have one. Materials like that are
nothing to take lightly."
"Daphne. She's been briefed on the situation more than I have, honestly, and
time is of the essence." Merlin heard what Harry wasn't saying. They'd have
pulled him if he wasn't indisposed and off base. A job like that was Merlin's
territory through and through. "I need to go," Harry warned. "You'll tell him?"
It was a bit cold, but Harry had his priorities. There was nothing he should be
concerned about just then but his focus on the mission, and yet. For all that
Harry didn't say with his brusque tone, Merlin got the feeling he'd have liked
to say more. They both knew how it was though.
"I will. Do you have an estimation on when matters will be resolved?" Merlin
could concoct a story without breaking a sweat, but both of them knew that
Eggsy would be upset. Giving the boy an endpoint for his worries and
unhappiness would go a long ways towards minimizing what Merlin would have to
deal with. Having to stay on longer also threw wrenches into Merlin's own
plans; he'd been looking forward to having a bit of solitude and working
towards his next side project.
"If it's not over in a day or two then we've got bigger problems than the one
in my guest room," Harry said and Merlin could just see the dry frown upon his
face. The truth was that if it went that way, Harry would not have much say in
the matter. He'd be out for however long Kingsman needed him. And this was why
most of the other agents with families had someone else to take care of them, a
wife, a nanny...anyone.
Merlin heard something clang in the kitchen, followed by Eggsy's nervous voice
down the hall. "S'alright. I got it!"
"Alright. I'll take care of things. Give me an update when you can and it's
wise to do so." Merlin hung up. There was nothing else to be said, and Harry
didn't need distractions right then. He'd have the luxury of considering Eggsy
once the mission was done, and not before.
Which meant that Eggsy was now his burden. Merlin felt a bit of that weight
with each step he took back towards the kitchen. The boy came into view, just
starting to experiment with the whisk Landon had laid out on the countertop,
mostly just poking at the eggs in the bowl instead of beating them together.
Eggsy turned at the sound of footsteps and something of Landon's solemnity must
have been readily apparent, as Eggsy's mood rapidly and visibly plummeted.
"That was Harry. He wasn't able to talk for long before the signal cut out.
There have been some complications, and he's going to be delayed by a day,
perhaps two," Landon explained.
The whisk dropped from Eggsy's hands back into the bowl. "But...." Eggsy's
brows furrowed and his face crumpled. "He was supposed to come back today." His
voice grew louder, like hearing himself only gave fuel to the turbulence inside
him. "Why can't he come back today?" Eggsy looked so unhappy, caught between
anger and a rapidly escalating despair. "Is he here? Is he just down at the
shop? How'd he not know somethin'd jus' come up?" Eggsy took two steps toward
Landon like he could threaten him with anger that had nowhere else to go.
"He's not here. The plane had trouble and deviated from the schedule. Harry's
fine, and he's safe, but communication is patchy. He's more concerned with
getting the transportation problems resolved at the moment, for himself and any
of the textiles that may have had similar problems." Landon watched Eggsy
approach and was torn between the impulse to laugh at such an impotent attempt
at a threat, and anger that Eggsy had thought to try to vent upon him at all.
"I want him back home just as much as you do, and I was counting on him being
back today. Now that's scuttled, but there's nothing to be done about it but to
cope. Shouting at me isn't going to get Harry here any quicker."
Eggsy's head lowered but his posture didn't relax. Landon had nearly had him
coming around there, for just a second Eggsy felt guilty for lashing out at
him, but Eggsy wasn't ready to calm down either. "I just want Harry to come
home," Eggsy bit out, not caring that he sounded petulant, not caring that he
referred to this place as home, not caring if he was being spiteful to Landon
for no reason when they'd been getting along so well. Another day, even two,
without Harry seemed like an eternity, and Eggsy felt cheated. Realistically he
couldn't blame Landon, and he couldn't even blame Harry, but none of that
helped at all.
"And he will." Keeping the exasperation out of his voice was difficult, but
Landon managed. Barely. Eggsy was acting the brat, but Landon knew a bit about
the boy's old life. Missing Harry was only part of it. Eggsy had unresolved
fears about abandonment and losing his loved ones. "This isn't exactly unusual,
in our line of work, particularly on trips overseas. Technology malfunctions,
weather changes, political situations come up, or clients change their mind.
Harry's never been delayed longer than a couple of days."
Eggsy's head hung even lower. His shoulders slumped and all the anger drained
out of him. He tried to hold back the way it upset him, tried not to bow under
the weight of irrational sorrow and hold onto that anger instead, but there was
no stopping it. Eggsy sniffled and Landon was brought back to that first night
without Harry when Eggsy had cried as he laid in bed, alone. Eggsy was doing a
better job of keeping the tears at bay for the moment, but there was no telling
how long it would last. He swiped the back of his sleeve over his nose and
nodded, mouth shut tight, trying to be strong.
Someone else might have tried to embrace Eggsy and console him. Landon merely
stared. He was used to adults who were in control of their emotions and could
cope, or potential recruits who knew that they had to be strong or else risk
flunking out of their chance at employment. Eggsy was only a boy, and Harry's
lover besides, and Landon had no idea how to react to that.
***** Chapter 14 *****
Landon decided to respond to Eggsy’s grievous disappointment by cooking. He
picked up the bowl that Eggsy had abandoned and began to whisk the eggs, blank-
faced all the while as he thought. "There's nothing to be done about it right
now. As much as Harry's absence ruins weekend plans for the both of us... I
suggest we make the most of it. Sulking about in the house will only make
things worse. You'll spend your time worrying about Harry and angry that he
isn't here. I'd rather that we pursue a different avenue, instead of dwelling
on that disappointment."
"Can't jus' turn it off like that," Eggsy mumbled after another sniff. He took
a few steps toward the counter to see what Landon was doing, but it was plain
that Eggsy didn't want to help any longer. The way Eggsy was worrying his lip,
he looked like he barely even wanted to be in the room. But something prevented
him going off on his own to wallow in sorrow, and Landon strongly suspected
that it was a sudden bout of loneliness, strong enough that even Landon's
company was better than nothing. Eggsy pressed his back into the counter and
watched with sad eyes as he worked.
Landon glanced up at him for a moment before tipping the bowl and pouring a bit
of the egg mixture into the pan. It immediately began to sizzle. Landon went to
gather up the chopped vegetables in the meantime. "You can't right now,
perhaps. With practice, you eventually can. Sometimes you don't have the option
of taking time to indulge your own feelings, because if you do, your inaction
will cause worse things to happen. It's a skill you can develop, but you're
very young."
After another glance at Eggsy's sorrowful demeanor, Landon fixed his eyes on
the pan. "I won't berate you if you want to mourn, but I think you'll feel
worse for it, particularly when Harry returns and you start to feel like you
wasted the weekend. You won't feel quite so terrible if we find something else
for you to do to take your mind off of things."
Eggsy lifted his gaze and peered at Landon with such a scrutinising look that
he thought the boy might have been trying to discern whether there was more to
his warning. Gradually, Eggsy seemed to calm a little if only by sheer force of
will on the knowledge that he might be giving away too much of his attachment
to Harry.
"What else could we do?" Eggsy asked, his voice still quiet.
"Anything. Get out of the house. Visit a museum, or a park, or something
similar." Landon dumped a few of the veggies into the center of the omelette
with a wooden spoon and began to pay more attention to the pan, watching the
contents carefully and folding cooked egg over. "I don't know what sorts of
things you're interested in, so you'll have to enlighten me. This might be a
good opportunity for the two of us to get to know one another, considering that
Harry does have regular work trips and that he will probably ask me to watch
you every time he has to go abroad."
Eggsy sighed and picked at his fingernails. He shrugged, not looking interested
in the idea of talking about himself in the least. "Could see a film maybe?" He
clearly knew that wasn't what Landon had in mind by getting to know one
another. "I go to Southbank sometimes, but that's jus' with my mates. Dunno
what they'd think if I took you. Go to shoppin' malls sometimes, too, but don't
usually buy nothin'." Eggsy looked lost in thought for a moment, perhaps
thinking of places Harry took him, but he settled on none of them. It wouldn't
be the same without Harry.
Landon considered for a moment. One omelette was folded over and deposited on a
plate, and he started another. Silence stretched on between them until Landon
cleared his throat. "Harry told me your father was in the forces, just as he
was. I wonder if you'd have an interest in learning how to shoot. On a proper
range, mind. I do a bit of teaching now and then."
Eggsy blinked and looked up at him. After a second of silence and Landon didn't
take it back, Eggsy's mouth fell open. "I... Wha... My mum, she.... I mean."
Eggsy stopped himself before he stumbled over his tongue even more, but he met
Landon's eyes then and the sorrow he'd been carrying was almost completely
replaced with disbelief. "Mum never let me do nothin' like that. Said it was
cause of how my dad died. But. You'd let me? If I wanted to?" The subtle dawn
of hope tinted Eggsy's voice. Landon caught it in the darting of the boy's
eyes, uncertain but with a curiosity, an eagerness, that laid underneath.
"It's understandable why your mother would have had a negative opinion," Landon
began. He finished up the second omelette and slid it onto a plate, then
gestured for Eggsy to take the other and walk with him to the dining room
table. "Likely because she feared that you would enjoy it so much that you
would enlist and she would have to fear losing you. It's an expensive sport,
besides. But I would be willing to teach you, and I'm certain Harry wouldn't
mind. We can show him your score cards when he gets back."
Eggsy slid into his seat and sat for a moment in stunned silence. "That'd be
awesome. Like really awesome." He was looking at Landon now like he'd shown
another side of himself completely, one that Eggsy found worthy of awe, judging
by the expression on his face. It was a much improved look from the way he'd
been shut off before. Apparently Eggsy hadn't thought to read more into
Landon's hobbies after a visit to the mixed martial arts competition and now he
might be re-evaluating his ideas on Landon a bit.
Eggsy picked up his fork and began to eat, but then he glanced up again and
didn't try to hold back another question.
"Were you....in the forces, too?"
"Yes. Although, I wasn't in the same division. I was in the Royal Air Force,
instead, but I was active duty around the same time that Harry was, and met him
through the service." Landon cut his omelette into neat squares. His gaze was
averted, but the majority of his focus was on Eggsy, watching the boy out of
the corner of his eye. "I did know your father, as well, but only briefly."
Eggsy froze. His eyes went straight to Landon and his fork clanked against his
plate. "Y-you did? How?" If Eggsy had been startled before, it was nothing
compared to now. His whole body was rigid in his seat, like if he dared to move
he might break this dream he'd fallen into. Landon knew Harry had told him
they'd been friends, not just through the tailor shop, but this was a
possibility Eggsy hadn't anticipated at all.
"Each branch of the forces isn't completely isolated from one another.
Particularly when not on active assignment. Servicemen sometimes trained
together, or were invited to the same social event. I happened to meet Harry
earlier, and he introduced me to your father." Landon pushed a piece of
omelette onto his fork. Eggsy was staring, and so he met the boy's gaze. "I
didn't know him for very long. He died on assignment shortly after. Harry came
back, we became better friends, and we went into business together."
Eggsy sat back in his seat, breakfast completely forgotten. "D'you...." he
seemed a little shy about asking after Landon had told him several times how
little he actually knew of Eggsy's father, "remember what he was like? I mean,
I remember a lotta' things. An' mum an' Harry have told me how they remember
him, but y'know.... Most people don't talk about it." Eggsy pushed a bit of egg
over on his plate, but he kept glancing up at Landon.
Landon took a bite of his omelette and considered the question. He actually
remembered quite a lot about Eggsy's sire, but little of those memories could
be openly shared with a boy who wasn't a Kingsman agent and was a significant
security risk. "He was... very striking in appearance, despite not having
unusual features. Mostly it was presence. He had a sense of ease and
confidence, and he didn't notice or care about differences in background
regarding other members in the service. He wasn't easy to intimidate. He had a
boldness that sometimes made him reckless, but it was that same trait that
saved Harry's life, and that of the rest of his squad."
Landon took a sip of the coffee he'd brought out with his plate and gave Eggsy
a hint of a smile. "He also showed a lot of promise as a marksman."
In return, Eggsy's face split into a small grin. Finally, he picked up his fork
and began to eat again. A touch of cheek entered his smile. "That why you're
takin' me to the range? Think I can be just like my dad?" Eggsy seemed to like
the idea. He ate over half his omelet in just a few big bites and didn't stop
grinning all the way through. Landon might have accidentally given him a cocky
disposition before they'd even started. At least the boy was no longer thinking
of Harry.
"I want to see if you exceed your father's potential. You're young, but it's
best to get an idea about your aptitudes and what sort of career you're
interested in relatively early. Making decisions at the last minute, and not
really knowing what you enjoy, is not the best way to go about things." Harry
hadn't said as much, but Landon was making a calculated guess. If Harry was
intent on keeping Eggsy for more than a few tender years, the boy would have to
be assessed for placement somewhere in the Kingsman organization, even if only
as a low level menial worker.
Eggsy's fork stopped on the way to his mouth. He raised his small brows at
Landon. "You serious, mate? I'm nine. I got no clue what I'm gonna do. I mean,
it'd be real cool to do what my dad did, or somethin' like it, but I dunno."
Eggsy's tooth hooked over the corner of his mouth and he looked like he was
really thinking about it. That was how Landon knew he'd thought about it
before, probably more than once. Military service was not an uncommon
profession for young boys to play at, but for Eggsy, it would hold special
meaning. The boy shrugged like it meant nothing after another moment. "You're
not gonna get on my case about all that now, are you?"
"No. You're too young to make a decision about that yet, regardless of what you
choose later. It's more a matter of finding what you enjoy, at this point. The
education system doesn't do a very decent job at presenting the available
options and letting people explore, particularly if you're not in a public
school." Landon grimaced. The jab of his fork into the next bit of omelette was
particularly vicious. "Which means that opportunities have to present
themselves outside of school time. This is an opportunity to see if you enjoy
marksmanship, and you have a number of years to decide if you like it enough to
pursue it as a career or as a hobby."
Eggsy pursed his lips and nodded. "Yeah alright."
Landon hadn't missed the way Eggsy scowled at his mention of not attending
public school, but this time the boy didn't rise to argue. Likely, he was quite
set on being able to go and for that he needed to be on somewhat decent terms
with Landon. If this went well, he could have a more or less respectful Eggsy
who wasn't moping about over his absent lover all day. If Eggsy caught onto
that plan, he was going with it.
"So where is this range, anyhow?" Eggsy asked. "And what are we gonna be
shooting?"
"Marylebone Rifle and Pistol Club. It's not far, and it has a gallery range for
smaller, lighter firearms. You're a bit too young yet for some of the heavier
rifles," Landon commented. "Gallery ranges aren't as exciting as moving clay
pigeons, but given that this is your first time, it should be exciting enough.
Firearms are heavier than you think, and you'll likely feel tired from the
weight and recoil before you want to stop for the day."
Eggsy looked like it was starting to sink in. It was in his eyes, that slightly
starry look he got when he was sometimes thinking about Harry. He finished the
rest of his breakfast quickly, gulped down his juice, and by the time he was
done even Landon couldn't ignore how fidgety Eggsy had become. He had Eggsy
clean up his plate and find his coat.
Eggsy ran up to his room, but Landon made him leave his hat behind. It would
only get in the way of the protective gear. Thankfully, Eggsy left the watch on
his bedside table.
Landon guided him to the car and glanced over to ensure that the boy was
properly buckled in before he pulled out onto the street. His mind wasn't on
his small charge so much as it was on the work he'd have to make up. The next
few hours would tell if Eggsy was a good pupil or not. Landon enjoyed teaching
so long as his students actually were willing and paying attention, but with
how young Eggsy was, he wasn't counting on it being anything but an exercise in
frustration. And the fact that afterwards, he would have backlogged work to
slog through once the boy went off to keep himself entertained or turned in for
the night.
Eggsy's anticipation was keeping him in check for now. The boy followed their
progress with an attentive gaze out the window. He was perhaps a little nervous
as he was much quieter on that car ride than he'd been for the last, but once
Landon let him know they were getting close, Eggsy perked up and the questions
began to flow.
It was right in the city proper, not out among the fields like Eggsy might have
expected, and he looked a little surprised when they finally arrived just south
of the river. His nervousness showed not in his step or his posture, but the
way he kept a little closer to Landon's side as they made their way in.
Landon walked as if he was very familiar with the place, although none of the
staff greeted him like he was a regular. They stopped at the front desk, where
Landon flashed his ID and membership card, and the clerk behind the desk smiled
kindly at Eggsy. They were led into a side storeroom where Landon and the clerk
began sizing up what rental gear would be suitable for Eggsy. The boy didn't
understand some of what was being said, with talk of different gun models and
ammunition types. Landon won the debate. The clerk shrugged and gave up,
handing over the ear protectors, ammunition boxes, pistol, and replacement
targets for their assigned range.
Landon thanked him, and it was up to Eggsy to follow him. The interior of the
building was surprisingly grey and bare, solid mason work with florescent
lighting. They descended into the lower levels of the building and began to
hear the sounds of gun fire from other ranges. Landon ignored them and walked
them down the row until they reached the one that they had been assigned.
Eggsy couldn't look everywhere fast enough even though there wasn't much to see
besides to booths. They were all fairly closed off from each other, and Eggsy
couldn't really see inside, but the shots were loud.
The first thing Landon did when they entered was turn around and hand Eggsy a
pair of glasses and earmuffs, both were nearly too large on him. Landon took a
pair for himself and seemed right at home doing so.
"This like a hobby for you or summat?" Eggsy asked.
"Yes. I enjoy keeping my skills sharp, even if I'm not using them in the field
anymore," Landon replied. "And I do enjoy a spot of teaching now and then. Some
students aren't worth the trouble, but the ones who are... well. There's
nothing quite like passing the hobby on, particularly if your students go on to
enter the forces."
Landon shrugged and went off to set up the target papers they'd been given at
the other side of the range. "Stay put. I'll walk you through basic safety
protocols and features, and then we'll start the lesson."
Eggsy looked a little intimidated at that. He watched as Landon walked down to
the far side of the range, set up their targets, and then came back, stride
confident even though he was right where the line of fire would soon be.
Eggsy wiped his hands on his trousers and glanced the boxes that lay on the
table, one containing ammo, the other containing the pistol he'd be using.
Landon had to wonder if he'd be this nervous if Harry were giving the lesson.
Eggsy did his best to hide it though. He didn't shy away when Landon returned
and he didn't bring it up. He just looked to Landon like he was indeed Eggsy's
teacher.
"First things first. I know you've seen plenty of guns used in movies. How they
use them is much more sloppy and careless than how they're actually used."
Landon picked up the pistol and tilted it, detailing all the basic functioning
parts that Eggsy would need to know. Eggsy was cautioned about how and where to
point the gun when he wasn't shooting, how to turn the safety on and off, and
how to eject a spent magazine and switch it out for a new one.
When Landon finally handed the gun over, minus ammunition, Eggsy's face must
have shown his disbelief. Landon chuckled. "Yes, it's a bit heavier than you
thought, isn't it? The weight is going to be a factor in how well you shoot.
You'll have to hold it out and steady for longer periods of time, and deal with
the recoil, which is why you'll need to use two hands instead of one. It helps
to have the right stance, as well."
Eggsy nodded and moved where Landon showed him, keeping the gun aimed away just
like he had said. Landon placed him in line with the target and showed him how
to bring the gun up, how to space his feet and find a comfortable stance. He
moved Eggsy's hands and arms with a keen eye and told Eggsy to look down the
sight and match the notches together in front of the target.
Eggsy went with it all very easily, letting himself be moved and follow
instruction almost without thinking. Landon knew his nervousness hadn't
vanished that quickly, but it appeared Eggsy wasn't going to prematurely cave
under the pressure. He could also tell the boy was growing more excited. Enough
that it would soon balance out his trepidation. It showed in his face when he
glanced back at Landon with the hint of a smile while after Landon told him
about the kickback, how the gun would feel like it was jumping in his hand.
"Think I'm ready?" Eggsy asked when Landon stepped back to look him over.
"Yes. Try not to blink or jump when the gun goes off. The protection muffles
things a little, but it will still be loud enough that new shooters get
startled, even when they expect it." Landon moved until he was at a good angle
to watch the boy's physical reactions and the gun. "Just relax as much as you
can and do your best. Don't be discouraged if you shoot poorly or miss a lot
during this first session. Everyone does when they're first starting. This
isn't a competition, and you're not in real training. Alright?"
"Right." Eggsy fixed his headgear, took his stance again, and held the gun up.
Landon could tell he was being watched out of the corner of Eggsy's eye up
until that point, but then Eggsy's attention switched to his hands and the
sight and the target on the far wall.
Seconds passed while Eggsy got himself ready. He was very still. Very focused.
And then the shot rang out through the room. Eggsy rocked back a little with
the force of it, but his stance remained strong and he didn't jump. They had no
idea whether he'd hit the target or not, but he looked back to Landon and
Landon gave him a nod to go on, and Eggsy did.
Five shots later and Eggsy got a little more comfortable with the way the gun
moved. He hadn't lost his good posture.
The boy's aim still wavered a little, but it wasn't bad for his first time. He
wasn't quite seeing how to assess his shots and adjust yet, but that would come
with time and practice. Landon moved slowly to make sure Eggsy noticed him in
the corner of his vision. By the time he was in reach, Eggsy had paused and
glanced at him.
"Your aim is a little off. Might be too far for you to spot it yet, but you're
consistently high and to the left." Landon stepped behind Eggsy and had to
awkward crouch in order to try to guess how the boy was looking down the sight.
He touched a hand to Eggsy's arm and moved it slightly. "Try that now."
Eggsy nodded once, moved into the touch without hesitation. It was strange how
he trusted Landon now. No one was this comfortable with him when he was Merlin.
No recruit ever needed their sight checked like Eggsy did, and Merlin never had
to get in anyone's personal space outside of a fight. The last person he'd been
physically close to was, fittingly enough, Harry. And yet Eggsy didn't seem to
mind at all, not like he would have if things had been as they had when he'd
first met Landon.
Eggsy tilted his head just so, looked down the sight, and took a shot.
The aim was better. Not fantastic, but a marked improvement. Landon nodded and
stepped back to let Eggsy finish off the magazine, then signalled for them to
pause before the next round, all while trying not to think about Harry and how
convoluted the situation had gotten between the three of them.
This arrangement with Harry was never supposed to be like this. Landon had only
wanted to indulge his curiosity and personal interests, add to his hoarded
information on each Kingsman agent, and acquire a pair of hands to assist him
in his side hobby. Letting Harry get so close hadn't been part of his original
plan. Neither had been taking care of his young charge. Landon still didn't
care for children, but Eggsy was growing on him.
Landon shook his head to clear it. "That was better, but I think we need to
check your eyes to figure out how you look down the sight. People have dominant
eyes, just like their hands. Give me a moment." The older man dug out one of
the extra target sheets and a pen. It took all of a second to punch a hole in
the paper and hand it over to Eggsy. "Hold that out, just like you were aiming
the pistol. Both hands. Put the bullseye of one target centered right in that
hole, when you look through it. Then draw it slowly back while keeping it in
the hole. It will drift towards your dominant eye."
Eggsy did as he was told, glancing at Landon once more before he held the paper
up in front of him until he could just barely see the target through the hole.
He kept his eyes open and tried not to blink as it got closer, but as his arms
began to bend, he drew the hole in the paper steadily more toward his right
eye. It wasn't until it was a few inches away that Eggsy put the paper down and
laughed. "Neat trick. That mean I should be closing my left eye to make it
straighter?"
"Yes. The way you're sighting down the barrel is a little off, and it's causing
you to miss where you're aiming instead of getting it straight on. Can you see
the target holes from here?" When Eggsy squinted, Landon went back to the gear
the clerk upstairs had given him and found a small glass, then handed it to
Eggsy. With the range targets not being automated, it made sense for the club
to have such a tool instead of forcing people to walk down to the end of the
range to check their targets. "You see what I mean, about how you're drifting a
bit?"
"Oh," Eggsy said as he held the glass up to his eyes. "I couldn't even tell
before. Guess that makes sense though if I were aimin' outta the wrong eye. Can
I have another go?"
Landon nodded and stepped back again while Eggsy put his muffs back on. The boy
got into position, more comfortable now with checking and releasing the safety,
lifting the gun, and this time very carefully looking through the sight and
closing his left eye. It took him a minute, like he really wanted to be sure,
and then Eggsy took a couple more shots, sighting up each time.
Looking down the sight the correct way made a sizeable difference. Eggsy was
still off, but that was a matter of a lack of practice. Small changes in angle
and position could mean a big difference in where the bullet ended up, even
before you had to deal with things like wind or a moving target or one's own
pulse or breathing throwing the aim off. When Eggsy finished the second
magazine, Landon wore a faint smile. "...you're doing very well for someone on
their first lesson. Your aim improved quite a bit. Take a look."
"Yeah?" Eggsy's face lit up before he'd even looked through the glass as Landon
handed it to him. He was careful with the gun, switching on the safety and
laying it on the table turned away from them before he brought the glass to his
eye. Quite a number of the shots had made it into the inner circle of the
target this time and they could easily be discerned from Eggsy's first try
which had decimated the outer left side of the paper. "That is so sick," Eggsy
declared before he lowered the looking glass and handed it back to Landon.
Landon gave Eggsy a quizzical look for a split second before he caught on to
what the boy's slang term must have meant. The older man had a difficult time
keeping the discomfort and disapproval from his face, but he managed. Mostly.
"Not how I would have put it. I'd say you have a natural aptitude for this.
That doesn't mean that becoming an expert marksman would be effortless, but you
have good instincts and coordination, and you learn quickly. Do you play any
sports at school?"
Eggsy frankly beamed at that. "Just the usual, but I'm in gymnastics." Eggsy
didn't look like he thought gymnastics would make a difference to his shooting
ability, but he was nevertheless proud to say it. Landon knew the boy hadn't
gone in a while, not when they were sorting things out with his mother, but
still Eggsy didn't seem to be keen on putting it behind him. "You think that
makes a difference?"
Landon nodded. He was wondering, yet again, about what Harry thought of Eggsy's
prior training and if any of that was being put to good use. "I would venture
that it would. Martial skills and sports don't just come down to knowledge, but
need the right physical endurance and flexibility and the right stances and
postures to execute that knowledge correctly. Anything that builds those
physical skills would make progression easier. You'd likely see even more of
the results of your gymnastics experience if you were to try particular martial
arts, like Judo."
"Now that mum would kill me for." Eggsy's grin and the immediate response told
Landon the boy had thought about it, but he didn't linger over the subject for
long. "Can I go again?" Eggsy asked, eyeing the boxes of ammo on the table and
looking at Landon hopefully. They still had the other target, even if it did
have a small hole in it already.
"You can shoot for as many boxes as we have. Although you're going to have to
share with me," Landon added and gave the boy a small smile. He was competitive
by nature with some things, and as a trainer, one of the things he loved about
the job was getting to show off in front of new recruits. Eggsy wasn't a
recruit, but the same principal applied. "And I brought more targets. Let’s
change them out at the end of the run."
They set up for another round and this time Eggsy handed the gun over to Landon
and stepped back to where the man had been before.
Eggsy watched with rapt attention to the way Landon took his stance, lifted the
gun and got off a round of shots with one fluid motion. It was like he wasn't
even trying and even in his periphery, Landon could see how wide Eggsy's eyes
were. Eggsy's scrutiny was no different than the recruits, and yet Eggsy was
far keener to take in every bit of Landon's expertise and understand how to use
it himself.
That alone did much to soothe Landon's ego and mood, which had taken a beating
after being made to play babysitter for the weekend. Eggsy's attention was
flattering, but more so was the idea of what stories he was going to tell Harry
once he'd returned.
Landon lowered the pistol once the magazine was emptied, flicked on the safety,
and reloaded. He kept the gun aimed at the floor while handing it over for
Eggsy to have a turn.
They went on like that for as long as their ammo lasted. Eventually Eggsy tried
to make a competition of it, of which he lost every single time, but
surprisingly wasn't resentful about. It seemed Landon's earlier praise of him
did wonders for the boy's confidence.
When it came time for them to leave, Eggsy was back to his usual chatty self.
He even talked about how he would show Harry their targets when he got home and
wasn't at all dismayed that he couldn't do it sooner. Landon had no delusions
that would last forever, but for the few hours Eggsy was riding the high of
their outing, it was a respite.
One that Landon was grateful for. As he drove them back to Harry's place, he
hoped that Eggsy would stay upbeat for long enough that he could log into the
Kingsman network and check in on the incoming reports, then do a little work.
Taking care of Harry's charge had left him with much less time than he was
anticipating in order to get his own work done. Children were more exhausting
than having a partner, from what Landon could see.
When they got back and Eggsy went off to the living room to find a place for
his new targets and then start a game on his Game Boy, Landon was able to do
just that. He had to linger just long enough to make sure the boy was engrossed
and not about to jump up and interrupt him, but Eggsy seemed alright for the
moment. He'd received no further calls or texts from Harry or Kingsman, and
anything dire would have come in through those avenues.
It was...both unsettling that he was out of the picture and blind while
spending time with Eggsy and also somewhat reassuring that he hadn't been
contacted through more expedient means.
Landon decided to presume that no news was good news. He knew very well that
that often wasn't the case, but as he had no recourse to assist should things
prove otherwise and wasn't Harry's official handler for this mission, there was
nothing else to be done. Landon ploughed through intelligence leads and
informer reports as best he could while partially distracted with the silence
regarding Harry. Hours passed without him noticing or thinking to check on
Eggsy in the other room.
He was startled by the sound of small footsteps outside the door. Even though
Eggsy knocked and as respectfully as manners came to Eggsy, which was to say
rather poorly worded at times, Eggsy asked if dinner would be on soon.
Landon was forced to take a break.
He noticed as he prepared dinner that Eggsy's mood had dropped somewhat. Not
quite back to what it was when he'd learned Harry wouldn't be returning soon,
but he could tell that Eggsy was thinking about it. He stayed in the living
room and didn't try to bring up conversation even when they sat down at the
table.
Dinner was fantastic, but neither of them tasted much of it. Silence hung over
the table as they brooded over Harry's absence - Eggsy missing his lover, and
Landon worried about his coworker-turned-friend and how complex and dangerous
the case might happen to be.
Halfway through the meal, Landon's phone buzzed. The older man did his best to
ignore the look Eggsy was giving him as he flipped his cell phone open to
peruse the text he'd received.
Eggsy's eyes snapped up, trying to read him as Landon looked down at his phone.
Back. Intercepted in record time, but I came out a little worse for wear. It
was from Harry's personal number, as not even Arthur knew Merlin was in fact
providing a favour for Harry that weekend.
"Is it Harry?" Eggsy piped up, unable to take the silence any longer.
"It is. He's just landed. He's taking care of a few things, and then he'll be
home." Kingsman would patch Harry up and provide transport back to the house,
Landon knew. Going to meet Harry was out of the question, particularly as
neither of them wanted the relationship of their friendship, and how it tied to
Eggsy, broadcast to the rest of Kingsman. Landon began to text back.
You are missed. Will wait for arrival.
"Really? He's comin' home now?" Eggsy's excitement made his voice a little too
loud, his breath a little too quick. He got his feet underneath him on the
chair, his elbows went on the table, and he perked up so much that he couldn't
have looked any happier if it had been Christmas. Eggsy was well and truly
wrapped around Harry's finger. "How long d'you think it'll be?"
"Hard to say. The airport is rather unpredictable." Landon cleared his throat
and tucked his phone away. "It sounds like he hit a spot of trouble, as well.
Security may have a few questions before they let him go, but he'll be home
tonight for certain. It may only be an hour or so."
Eggsy calmed down a little, but he was still anxious by the time they put their
plates in the sink. He kept looking at the clock or the door, even out the
window once or twice until Landon had him go and put on a film while he waited.
Eggsy tried but even that didn't distract him long enough from the anticipation
of Harry's return. Landon went back upstairs to get a bit more work done while
he could.
Finally, at a quarter to nine, Eggsy heard keys in the door.
"Harry!" he shouted and bolted up from the couch, running into the front hall
just as the door opened to reveal a very battered looking Harry.
It wasn't his suit or his hair or the set of his glasses as those were all as
pristine as ever. It was the swath of discolouration around Harry's left eye
and a little lower on his cheek and the spot of a cut and the beginning of
swelling at the corner of his lower lip. It was the way he stood a little too
stiffly and moved too deliberately when he went to embrace Eggsy.
"Eggsy," Harry pulled back from the hug and gave the boy a soft smile as though
nothing at all were the matter.
Landon wasn't surprised, after Harry's text and the nature of his most recent
mission. He was, point in fact, relieved that the damage wasn't worse. Eggsy,
however, was distraught, eyes full of alarm and a hint of tears.
"Wha-... what happened?" the boy cried. Even so, he didn't hesitate to rush
forward and embrace Harry again, holding onto him like that might make Harry
feel better or keep him from leaving again. Eggsy forgot that Landon was even
there, observing everything.
"I'm alright Eggsy, only a scratch." Harry and Landon's eyes caught across the
hall. "Ran into a mugger before we took off, but I'm fine and he didn't make
off with anything." Harry crouched down and carded his fingers through Eggsy's
hair. "Really I'm fine."
When Eggsy looked into Harry's face, he looked like he meant it. He didn't
wince when he looked at Eggsy and there was no hint of shame about him.
"I know it's a bit shocking," Harry admitted.
"But..." Eggsy stared. He wanted to touch Harry's bruised face, and even made
an aborted movement before he remembered that they weren't alone. Harry's
friend was there. Harry's friend who couldn't be allowed toknow. "Doesn't it
hurt? Has this happened before? You shouldn't make trips out to places like
that if stuff like this happens!"
What went unsaid was how much seeing Harry so battered put a spark of fear in
Eggsy. Harry had military training, just like Eggsy's father, and despite that,
he'd come home beaten. Eggsy didn't want to think about what else might have
happened, or about Harry failing to come home from a trip one day.
"I can't simply not go," Harry chided him, "but I assure you that, in spite of
my tendency to get into things I shouldn't, this is not very common. Harry
rose, but he kept a reassuring hand to Eggsy's shoulder and directed his
attention to Landon. "Sean, I see you've fared through the weekend. I do hope
Eggsy didn't get up to too much trouble." Eggsy could tell that Harry meant the
statement fondly, but it also seemed like Harry was shelving the topic of his
injuries for another time even if Landon had to be concerned as well. Anyone
would be concerned.
"Well enough. Eggsy was more of a handful than you'd led me to believe, but
part of that was due to other factors. He was worried about you." Landon
glanced between Harry and Eggsy; the boy was pressed close against Harry's
side. None of the ways they were touching was too over-the-top or
inappropriate, but Landon had a good idea of just how things were going to
progress as soon as he left the premises. "Eggsy took a while to warm up to me,
but that's not unusual. He has something to show you, as well. I took him out
to the shooting range."
"Did you?" Harry raised a brow first at Landon and then down at Eggsy like
Eggsy wasn't still staring at his bruises. "And what have you got to show me?"
Harry gave Eggsy a gentle nudge to prompt him into action. They could all see
Eggsy was distressed, which was more than understandable, and now Harry was
trying to change the topic with questionable success.
Eggsy didn't want to leave Harry's side, but he knew that he couldn't stayed
plastered against the older man. Harry and Landon were both looking at him now,
and if he didn't do what Harry was suggesting, Eggsy knew it would look
suspicious. With great reluctance, the boy turned and ran off to the den where
he'd left his paper targets. It didn't take hardly any time at all, but when
Eggsy returned, Landon and Harry were standing closer together. Both men turned
to look as Eggsy held the papers up.
This time both Harry's brows rose. "Surely those must be Sean's targets." He
glanced to Landon, who promptly grimaced, not at all interested in going along
with Harry's game. "No?" Harry took hold of one as Eggsy held them out and
looked it over. "I dare say we have some budding talent among us. Or perhaps
beginner's luck. Very nice job, Eggsy. I promise not to tell your mother,"
Harry added with a touch of cheek. Landon's dour look hadn't quite gone away
and Harry sighed. "Alright then. Let me bring in my luggage and I'll release
you of your duties. Eggsy, come and help."
They carried in Harry's meagre luggage from the stoop and left it in the hall
before Harry straightened to thank Landon properly.
"I really do appreciate you staying over while I was indisposed."
"I'll be looking forward to an expression of that appreciation sometime in the
near future," Landon replied dryly. Even the notion of bringing Harry into
another project sometime soon wasn't enough to completely relieve Landon of his
residual irritation, however. Knowing that neither Eggsy nor Harry would
display any sort of interesting interactions with each other while he was
observing - openly and in the flesh, at least - Landon was eager to be gone and
have a respite in the quiet and privacy of his own home.
Electronic eyes would give him what he wanted, and without the awkwardness of
having to navigate social interaction.
"Do be sure to gather your things, all of them, from the office before you go
then," Harry said, "I would hate to see you missing anything." He turned to
Eggsy. "Now then, you've already eaten I gather?" Eggsy nodded. "Very good. I
think in that case a night of rest is in order. For me at least." Harry
adjusted his glasses and clasped his hand over Eggsy's shoulder, a friendly,
familial gesture, but one that fooled no one in present company.
Landon left for the upstairs office without another word. Gathering his things
wasn't difficult, as he rarely brought many belongings with him other than his
laptop and what was required to run it. He packed quickly and efficiently,
well-aware of the fact that Eggsy would have taken the opportunity to draw
inappropriately close to Harry again while he was out of the room.
When Landon was done, no belongings were left behind, but Harry's were altered.
His surveillance system still worked as it had, but with the addition of a very
well-hidden back door.
When Landon returned to the first floor, he found Harry and Eggsy in the living
room, conversing quietly. Harry took one look at him, up and down, and rose to
see Landon to the door.
"Once again, I must thank you," Harry offered genially as they moved down the
hall. "And you'll let me know I'm sure when there's some way for me to repay
you?" Harry quieted. Eggsy might have been able to hear if he listened very
carefully, but they were mostly out of earshot by the time they reached the
front hall.
"I'll let you know. I can't say when, but sometime soon. I'm sure something
will present itself." Landon paused once they reached the doorway and gave
Harry a sideways glance. "We should talk, as well. Your adopted ward had some
interesting things to say. I'm sure he'll tell you all about the last few days,
but you might find some insight from an outside perspective."
That got Landon a keen look from Harry. "Indeed we should, then. Thank you."
With a nod from Landon and one from Harry in return, Landon reached for the
door and stepped out into the night. Harry watched him go, feeling the cool
night air against his newly tender skin, and then shut the door.
He found Eggsy back in the living room, patiently waiting for him. Eggsy truly
was a sight for sore eyes, Harry mused and paused at the threshold just to look
at him.
"So you missed me, did you?" Harry asked.
Eggsy responded in body, rather than in words. He rushed forward to press
himself against Harry now that no one else was watching and in danger of
discovering their relationship. Eggsy was gentle as he could manage, as he
didn't know the extent of the damage Harry had taken, but he couldn't stand
having any more space between them than was necessary.
"I really did. I really, really did. It was so wrong, you not bein' here. I
kept looking for you even though I knew you weren't here, an' every time I did,
I found nothing or Landon in the spot where you were s'posed to be," Eggsy
babbled. This close, Harry smelled like himself, which was greatly reassuring,
but there was something else there, too. Something sharp and powdery that
reminded Eggsy of the shooting range he'd visited. "And I thought he was awful.
I mean, he didn't turn out so bad, I guess. But he asked all sorts of questions
and I got angry, 'cause it was none of his business, and he was in your office
and he was in your bedroom. I couldn't even sneak in there, because he might
have seen it."
"Probably for the best," Harry admitted, letting his fingers card through
Eggsy's hair. Slowly he drew the boy back to the couch and sat down with a
wince. "I am very sorry I had to leave you, Eggsy. I missed you as well. Every
day." Harry tilted Eggsy's face up to meet his eyes. "The way you look at me.
The way you feel against me, even just sitting like this. I missed you very,
very much." Harry's thumb drew down Eggsy's cheek and the corner of his lip
twitched as he drank Eggsy in. "Did things with Sean turn out any better in the
end?"
"Yeah." Eggsy was distracted for a few moments, still fixated on getting his
fill of having Harry back in front of him, touching him. Just the barest
contact of Harry's hand against his cheek and jaw set off an ache in the boy,
one that started in his chest and spread lower. "I... he let me watch scary
movies, and we played a bit of football, and then he took me out to see this
sick karate competition, or something. And today we went to the shooting range
and he taught me a bit."
One of Eggsy's legs kicked absently. His heel made a faint thump each time it
collided with the padding of the sofa. "You didn't tell me he was in the
forces, too. He said he met my dad, but didn't know him well."
Harry gave him a considering look and kept stroking Eggsy's hair. "Sean and I
have known one another for a long time now. They had only met briefly. I hope
that wasn't too much of a shock for you." Harry searched Eggsy's gaze. "But it
sounds like you've had quite a full weekend, disregarding all setbacks. I know
Sean can seem a bit...intimidating at times, but if you ever need to, you can
trust him." There was no way Harry could explain that to Eggsy fully, but he
planted it like a seed in the boy's mind nevertheless.
Eggsy pulled a face. Landon seemed much better than he had, but Eggsy didn't
know about trust. He still had a posh air about him, and a cold, aloof demeanor
that hadn't ever quite gone away. Eggsy didn't know how to trust someone like
that. Harry was warm, open, and willing to meet him on the same level, and he
never tried to make Eggsy feel self-conscious or ashamed of his lower class
upbringing or accent. "Maybe. I don't know what you see in him, really.
Intimidatin' isn't the half of it. Kinda felt like I was a bother. And like he
wasn't... I dunno, really there? He was, but he had that gone and fake sort of
feeling to him. I've seen that from some of the older kids at school, every
once in awhile, before someone catches them up to somethin' or they skip out of
school and never come back."
Harry hummed. "You're wary of him. That's fair enough. You have good instincts.
However, sometimes even those odd personalities can be befriended. I have a
feeling he doesn't dislike you as much as you might think. He simply likes his
space a lot more." Harry watched Eggsy with care as he took it all in. Eggsy's
instincts on Merlin were very apt, but Harry's faith in the man might soften
his judgement a bit. "Anyway, I shouldn't have to go on another trip like that
for a while now. Meeting clients with this face would be rather difficult to
explain."
"I'd think so!" Eggsy sounded offended at the idea that Harry would go anywhere
anytime soon. "How bad is... is it? It's gotta be more than just your face, you
were movin' like everything hurts."
Eggsy went back to looking Harry over, concerned. His hands followed the path
of his eyes. Harry felt solid enough underneath his clothing, but Eggsy was
just imagining what might be underneath. Tension wound through the boy's small
frame and then there was nothing for it but to see. Eggsy tugged at Harry's
shirt where it was tucked in beneath his waistcoat and jacket.
Harry gave a soft sound of protest, or inevitability, it was hard to discern
which because he shifted and helped Eggsy pull up his shirt. A mottled red
covered the edge of one hip and farther up, another bruise blossomed over
Harry's ribs.
"Bruised rib. The sorest spot is on my back," Harry explained. He let Eggsy
look and even touch. When he did, Harry didn't wince even though the wounds
must have been hurting him. Like he had done every time with Eggsy, he simply
let the boy explore his body.
Sorrow filled up Eggsy's eyes, but it was a good sort. It wasn't raw grief and
loss, but the sadness that comes with concern. Eggsy's fingertips moved as
gently as possible, but after a few moments they withdrew and the boy's mouth
set in a stubborn line. "We're gonna get you upstairs. You shouldn't be moving
around if you're... y-you're..." Beat up. Eggsy couldn't make himself say it,
but it was true. Someone had beat up Harry, and it had happened even though
Harry was big, and strong, and smart, and used to be in the military. If this
could happen to Harry, it could happen to anyone.
"Eggsy, really, it's not as bad as all that." But the sorrowful look on Eggsy's
face and the way he glanced down at Harry's bruises made Harry's insides lurch
to see it. "Alright then," Harry conceded. "But only because it's nearly time
for bed anyway."
With Eggsy's minimal help, Harry picked himself up off the couch and let the
boy lead him down the hall and up the stairs. When they reached his room, he
began to shed his clothes. He undid the rest of his tie, the shirt was slipped
off his shoulders, belt next, followed by trousers as Eggsy watched and even
tried to help with this, too. It was rather endearing, and it brought a warm
look to Harry's eyes whenever they fell upon Eggsy.
Once Harry was unclothed down to his shorts, Eggsy could see the extent of the
damage altogether. Harry certainly did look like he'd gone through a beating.
The mottled colour on his chest and hip wasn't the last of it. There was
another large bruise on his mid back. But Harry didn't let him look for too
long. With gentle hands, Harry drew Eggsy's face up to look at him, and then
Harry bent to kiss the boy, soft and chaste.
The kiss filled Eggsy with warmth, but a cold weight still nestled at his core.
Harry wasn't untouchable. He could be hurt, and if he could be hurt then he
could be killed. It had been too close to what he'd worried about, when Harry
had said that he had to travel and Eggsy's thoughts had drifted to his father.
Harry had come back, but he'd come back having survived what looked like, to a
small boy's eyes, significant danger and pain.
And Harry was going to travel again. Not for a while, but sometime. Harry was
going to go and Eggsy would have to worry about whether he'd come back, and
whether he'd be hurt. What made it worse still was that Eggsy wanted to protect
him and knew that that was a foolish idea. Whoever Harry was fighting with,
they'd probably be an adult, taller and stronger and heavier. Eggsy wouldn't
have a chance.
Except if he did. All of a sudden, the memories of the tournament Landon had
taken him to see resurfaced in Eggsy's mind, and with them the fact that he'd
seen boys his age fight and win.
Harry drew Eggsy back to the bed. He lifted the boy into his arms and sat down.
Eggsy felt hands, large and warm and familiar, run underneath the hem of his
shirt and stroke up his back. Harry leaned in for another kiss, moving slowly
and a little less chastely, but his touch wasn't demanding. It was a greeting
of sorts, a welcome back. Harry was getting to know Eggsy again, indulging in
what he'd missed. What they both had missed.
Harry helped Eggsy with his shirt and trousers until Eggsy was wrapped up in
Harry's arms with just as many clothes between them. "You kept my watch safe
while I was away?" Harry asked and sounded like he already knew the answer.
"Yeah. 's in my room right now." The reminder prompted Eggsy to remember what
else had been in his room, at least until he'd put it back. A flush of color
graced the boy's cheeks and distracted him from the melancholy direction his
thoughts had been heading. "I... uh, when we'd been looking for a football to
kick around outside- Landon an I, I mean. Anyways, we looked down in the garage
and we found some old photos. Photos of you. I... kinda looked through all of
them."
Harry paused. He had to reach back to think of what Eggsy could be talking
about, and then it dawned on him. He closed his eyes before he could cast them
to the ceiling at Merlin's obvious meddling. "Oh. Those." When Harry opened his
eyes again to find a decidedly sheepish looking Eggsy in his arms, he had to go
on. "Some of the flattering, and less than flattering, moments of my youth."
And then a touch of concern coloured Harry's tone. "That must have
been....somewhat jarring for you to discover, to see photos of me so young?"
Eggsy shook his head. Jarring wouldn't have been the boy's word of choice. "Not
really. I mean, it was still you, you just looked different. It was..." Eggsy
trailed off, but Harry was still looking at him and he'd never been rejected
for voicing his thoughts before, so he plucked up his courage and continued.
"It was kinda hot, actually, especially some of those. It almost looked like
model pictures, but in some of the others you were goofing off. I guess it was
just... interesting? I have a hard time thinkin' of you any different than you
are right now."
"Oh." Harry blinked. "Well. In that case," a smile touched the corner of his
lips, "by all means, indulge yourself. I could hardly deny you that." Eggsy's
approval dampened the seed of worry that had sprung up so suddenly inside
Harry's chest. One of pride replaced it just as quickly. "Might I ask if you
had a favourite?" Harry nuzzled the question into Eggsy's ear before he pulled
back with that smile growing on his face, lighting up his eyes and somehow
making the split in his lip and the bruise around his eye less noticeable.
"Yeah, the... teasing ones? I dunno, it looked like you were slowly taking
stuff off for a camera and having fun with it." Eggsy's own smile grew broader.
Now that Harry was back with him, safe and sound, this was much more fun to
think about. More than then possibility of losing him. "Although, you kinda do
that anyways. I never thought clothing would be exciting and interesting until
I met you."
Harry gave a hum of pleasure at that. "There's a lot to be said for the
flattery of a fine suit." A glint came to his eye. "Does it intrigue you enough
for you to let me dress you up someday? I still think you would look utterly
remarkable. Perhaps even for the camera." Harry let one corner of his mouth
curl as he pressed the words into Eggsy's mind. "Just for me."
Eggsy, depicted as Harry had been for those photographs, nothing like the
videos Harry had acquired over the boy's stay, which, although beautiful and
treasured above all Harry's possessions, were taken unaware and obviously so.
Imagining Eggsy unclothed looking at the camera, looking at Harry, to freeze
and keep for all time....it send a thrill to Harry's gut.
Eggsy turned red, but he had a small smile of his own. One that was a bit
embarrassed, but flattered. Harry wanted photos of him, like he had in his own
albums, and like people had of their lovers... at least, as far as Eggsy had
been led to believe. "Y-yeah, that'd be fine. More than fine, just so long as
you don't think it'd get you in trouble? Like, I don't want no one to find them
and start asking weird questions or nothin'. And I don't really want anyone
else lookin' at them but you."
"I'll make sure they're well hidden." Harry stroked Eggsy's hair and kissed him
softly before he pulled the covers back and laid down with the boy. "I'll take
care of you." Harry pressed the words into Eggsy's cheek with another kiss.
It wasn't just Eggsy that needed taking care of though, not when their
relationship made Harry vulnerable. Harry didn't say as much, he didn't lay
that weight on Eggsy, but it was clear all the same. Harry could be hurt. And
Harry could be taken away from him.
Eggsy knew that. It was written all over the boy, with how he pressed as close
as he could get to Harry and the worried, haunted looks that he sometimes got.
Eggsy was hard, but he didn't voice any need to Harry even when nestled against
him. All that mattered was that Harry was back home and, although slightly
battered, in one piece. Eggsy would take whatever he could get.
He drifted off to sleep like that, wrapped in Harry's arms with the feeling
that Harry was just as thankful as he was to be back. Every one of Harry's
touches told him so.
***** Chapter 15 *****
Going back to school the next morning was the last thing Eggsy wanted to do,
but having Harry there to wake up next to, make him breakfast, and see him out
the door was exactly what he'd been missing.
That night Harry greeted Eggsy by lifting him into his arms and spinning him
down the hall until he had the boy pressed into the couch with kisses until he
could barely breathe. Harry made lasagne for dinner and seemed to be in a very
good mood just to be home. He even seemed far less bothered by his injuries.
Eggsy was tired from dealing with the beginning of the week, but all of that
dissipated soon enough with attention from Harry, dinner, and the joy of the
fact that Harry was back home. Eggsy kept an eye on the older man, but when
Harry seemed to be moving around far more easily, Eggsy relaxed. The
conversation slid into their normal banter in the kitchen and over the dinner
table. Eggsy was never very far away and took every opportunity he could to
touch Harry, taking pleasure out of the fact that he could.
Eggsy's mood was dampened once the phone rang. Harry's phone, not his own. He
watched Harry dry off his hands on a towel from where they'd been cleaning up
the dishes in the kitchen and extract the mobile from his pocket. Eggsy didn't
know who was on the other end, but he wanted them to be left alone.
Harry glanced at the number and put it to his ear. "Harry Hart speaking." He
sounded comfortable enough but Eggsy could tell it wasn't a call from work.
Harry didn't answer like that when it was from work. "Yes, he is indeed. Is
that so?" Harry's pleasant tone didn't change, neither did his posture, but
Eggsy now strongly suspected the call was about him. "Sometime next week would
be fine. Is there somewhere she'd like to meet, or shall I expect her arrival
here? It would be no great trouble. Yes. Shall we say six on Wednesday?" Eggsy
caught Harry's eyes and the man held them. "Splendid. I'll let him know. Thank
you."
Harry hung up.
"That was Rhonda, your care worker," Harry explained, tentatively setting the
phone atop the table. "It seems your mother has been approved by the court to
make a visit."
Eggsy was immediately conflicted, and it showed in the worried look on his
face. Part of the boy was anxious to see his mother and make sure that she was
doing alright. Part of him was nervous. He didn't know whether Michelle would
somehow know what was going on, just as she'd known whenever he was sneaking
into the fridge or suspected when he had shoplifted something. "Oh. Um, so...
she's coming here? Or are we gonna go somewhere to see her?"
"She'll be coming here for dinner, for which I am happy to play host, next
Wednesday." Harry took a long look at Eggsy before he sliced off another
section of lasagne and popped it into his mouth. When Eggsy's teeth caught the
edge of his lip, Harry spoke up again. "I know you're worried. I wonder if it
might help to go over some of the things you might be afraid of giving away so
that you can better relax. So that you can talk to her about what you'd really
like to talk about, and not feel too nervous."
Eggsy considered this. He picked at his lasagna and chewed slowly. The boy's
mind was crowded with all sorts of thoughts, enough that it was hard to know
what to say. "I know you said before that other people won't think anything's
weird with the two of us unless someone says something, but my mum already
thinks bad stuff about you. I guess I'm just worried she's going to guess even
if I do and say everything right. Or that she's gonna want to know about stuff
I don't want to talk about."
"That's a very fair worry," Harry admitted. "If you do everything right and she
still suspects regardless, then there is nothing we can do to change that. That
will not be easy on you. To have a mother worry over you like that, it would be
greatly distressing. I would not wish to see you go through such a thing,
trying to convince her you are alright to no avail while she worries and tries
to intervene. That in itself can be traumatic." Harry watched Eggsy's shoulders
droop. "But if that were to happen, I would do everything in my power to lessen
the weight of it."
"I mean, I miss her and everything. But she's gonna be asking me, like, how
much I miss the flat and how much I wanna come home, and I just..." Pieces slid
into place. Eggsy's eyes widened in surprise as his feelings sharpened into a
coherent form for the first time. "I don't. I don't really miss the flat. I
miss my mum, and seeing her happy and stuff, and doing things together when
it's not something boring or her nagging on me to do chores or something. But I
don't really miss living there, and worryin' about her boyfriends, and not
havin' food, and sneakin' out the back window to do anything. I just don't."
Harry blinked. He'd obviously not been expecting that. "Well. I.... You might
not always feel that way. You're having a very good time here right now, but
you might regret not wanting to go back later." Eggsy didn't look swayed and
Harry didn't know what to say to that. Getting exactly what he wanted left him
speechless. "That isn't to say you are any less welcome here of course," he
stumbled to recover. "I just. I must admit I'm a little surprised. Even though
you have every reason not to want to live in a household where strange men
might show up, especially ones who become violent." He lowered his fork and met
Eggsy's gaze.
Eggsy looked a little uncomfortable at that and looked away. His fear of Dean
played a part in his reluctance to go back home, but it wasn't the only one.
Eggsy felt selfish and wrong, not wanting to go back. His absence from the flat
didn't mean that his mother was safe, after all, or that nothing would happen
just so long as he wasn't there to see it. Enjoying the sort of living that
came in a nicer house also felt like a sort of a betrayal, given how hard his
mother worked to provide for them and how nasty richer people had been to Eggsy
and his mother before he met Harry.
"I... think I'm done, can I be 'scused?" Eggsy mumbled. Guilt ate at him and
didn't leave any room for food.
Harry's face fell. "Of course."
He let Eggsy slide from his seat and take his plate to the kitchen in silence,
beginning to suspect what was on the boy's mind. Harry wanted to say something,
anything, to reassure Eggsy that this was ok, but Harry suspected that this was
one of those times, the first time actually, that Eggsy might need to be alone
and think about things. That didn't stop a tentative plan of action from
forming in the back of Harry's mind, however. It simply allowed him to wait at
the table as Eggsy passed without reaching out to catch him.
For the first time since Eggsy's confession of his crush and the start of their
relationship, the boy avoided Harry. His head was so full of his own thoughts
and feelings that the idea that Harry might be hurt by such avoidance didn't
even occur to Eggsy.
He didn't know what to make of all of this. Children were supposed to love
their parents and want to be with them. Eggsy knew he loved his mother, even
when he was upset with her, and he did want to see her more, but simultaneously
didn't want to go back to his mother's flat. The idea, when he thought about
it, filled him with almost as much unhappiness as the notion of going back to
live with his aunt. He wanted to stay living with Harry, which meant that he'd
have to tell his mother as much at some point. She would cry, and Eggsy knew it
would be his fault, and just thinking about it tied his insides into knots.
Harry let Eggsy sit up in his room for a long time. He thought about taking out
a glass of wine and quickly discarded the notion. He thought about picking up a
book and discarded that idea as well. Eventually he simply let the hour pass
while caught up on some suspicious theories about a Ukrainian satellite company
that had been putting far more hardware than they were reporting in orbit over
the last several months. When he'd finally had enough of that, Harry opened the
cupboards to find that the bag of marshmallows had been displaced and it gave
him an idea.
Minutes later, Eggsy heard a knock at his door before Harry peered inside with
two steaming mugs of hot chocolate, one plain and one filled with marshmallows.
"Mind if I come in?" Harry asked.
Eggsy quickly scrubbed away his tears and straightened. When he turned to nod
at Harry, the boy did his best to pretend that he hadn't been crying, but it
was a miserable attempt. No one would mistake the red rims around his eyes as
anything but evidence of tears. "Yeah, 'course. I'm sorry about dinner, I
just... I got full quick, was all. The lasagna was really good, though."
The waste of food sent another bit of shame through Eggsy. It was only because
he was living with Harry that that was even possible. Food had always been too
valued to go uneaten or be thrown away back when he was living with his mother.
It felt like another betrayal.
Harry sat down on the bed next to Eggsy and put the mug with marshmallows on
the night stand where Eggsy could reach it before he wrapped his arm around the
boy. "Oh I know. Never mind dinner, it's not important." Harry took a sip of
his mug and considered Eggsy. "You feel like you're letting her down by not
wanting to go back, don't you?" He let the mug settle in his lap and didn't
remove his arm. Rubbing small circles in Eggsy's back wasn't just a comfort for
Eggsy, but for Harry as well.
Eggsy nodded. He couldn't speak for a long moment; when he tried, his throat
only closed up with emotion. "I'm... supposed to want to go back, aren't I? I
mean, I'm not like some of the kids from school who got adopted because their
parents didn't want them, or who beat them up before they got taken away. She's
my mum, and she's always tried to do her best, y'know? I love her an' all, but
I don't want to go back. Not even if it's just her and me and there isn't some
horrible boyfriend."
Harry gave a small sigh. "That's a difficult question. For most people your
age, I would say that is the expectation. I believe....through our
relationship, I've given you an alternative. I've given you a source of love
and companionship, care and safety, excitement even, outside your mother and
your home, and that I think is very natural to not want to give up no matter
how much you love your mother. You will always be you, and she will always be
your mother. I dare not try to compete with that. The thought of leaving home,
especially for the company of someone else is....perhaps the equivalent of what
most people go through in their late teens and early twenties. Not quite the
same, I'll grant you, but there will come a day when you leave your mother on
your own, regardless of my involvement."
"I don't want to hurt her though." Leaving would hurt her, Eggsy knew that well
enough. Michelle was distraught now at being separated, but that was due to a
separation not of her choosing. If Eggsy said that he didn't want to go back,
there was no telling how upset his mother was going to be.
The boy looked at the mug of hot chocolate sitting on his dresser. The
marshmallows in it were slowly dissolving, coming apart. Some things, once
done, could never be put back the way that they were before. "She got really
angry with me, before. When I was little, I was curious about dad, y'know? He
was my hero, sorta, and I said something about maybe joining the forces when I
got older, and my mum lost it at me. She apologized later, but I'd never heard
her yell so loud before. Same thing when I was looking through pictures...
there were ads in the magazines she used to get, from... um, the ladies in the
hair shop, when they were done with them. Ads to go travel to different places,
and the photos were so colorful and different from everything 'round here. I
said I might want to visit some of those places someday."
Eggsy looked down at his own clasped hands, and the way his feet dangled off
the side of the bed without touching the ground. "Mum brushed it off, told me
that those places aren't as great as in the photos, and dangerous besides, and
too expensive besides. Some of that's true, I guess, and we'd never been able
to afford it, but that wasn't why she said it, I don't think. She just sounded
scared, same way she did whenever we were near out of food or she had to go
down to some office to talk about money and stuff."
Harry bent to put his own mug next to Eggsy's on the table and wrap the boy
loosely in his arms. It wasn't the kind of embrace that pulled Eggsy into him
as Harry so often did, just pressed them together, side by side. "I'm sure your
mother has many fears, ones that revolve around both providing for you and
losing you. Sometimes those fears can put you in a rather...restricted
position, even if she never intended such a thing."
Harry looked down at Eggsy, who was studying his hands. He swept a lock of
chestnut hair from Eggsy's forehead. The motion was familiar now, and yet Harry
couldn't help marvelling at how good the strands felt between his fingertips.
How good it felt to brush his hands against Eggsy's temple. Almost good enough
to distract from the tightness in his chest.
"Whatever happens, you will not lose me. It will be a while yet before the
courts decide whether you should go back to live with her, but even if you do,
well," Harry forced a gentle smile, "I'll invite you over as often as you like.
More than, I'd imagine."
"Do I even get a choice?" Eggsy's voice was so soft, almost too soft to discern
the individual words. Eggsy was a clever boy. He knew that often enough, people
his age weren't regarded as people. Adults didn't ask what he wanted, and
didn't feel obligated to honor his wishes even if they did bother to ask. When
Harry didn't immediately respond, Eggsy turned in his arms. The boy's head
tucked against Harry's chest and his arms wrapped around the older man. "It's
not fair. Nothing is ever fair."
Harry lowered his head and tightened his hold around Eggsy. He kissed the top
of the boy's head and thought about the way Eggsy made such feeling bubble up
inside him. "No, it really isn't." Harry knew just how true that statement was.
And how true he'd made it. He held Eggsy tighter.
They sat like that together for a long time, Harry feeling Eggsy tremble and
swallow back tears. He rubbed his hands over the boy's back, up and down,
touching Eggsy both to sooth him and fulfill a need within himself. Some need
that told him to remember what Eggsy felt like, to hold it in his mind and keep
it there for as long as he could, to count every vertebrae in Eggsy's back, to
solidify the softness of the hairs at the base of Eggsy's neck into the back of
his mind. Harry thought about speaking for a long time. For once, he found it
difficult.
"If you could choose, would you really stay here?" Harry asked.
"I-... I think so." Saying for certain was so difficult. Eggsy knew that he
might cave, if he was called upon to speak his mind and his mother was there.
He didn't know if he could speak the words while she looked at him and tried
not to cry. "I miss her. I miss some things. I'd miss here more, though."
That was the core of it. Eggsy had lived in that flat with his mother for
years, but something about it never got to feeling like home. There was always
the threat of eviction, or having to move so his mother could maybe find a
better job, or maybe to be close to a boyfriend. Eggsy wasn't allowed to do
much to his room because it might lose their security deposit if they had to
leave. The flat was familiar, but always had the air of temporary to it,
despite the fact that they'd been there for as long as Eggsy could remember.
His mother had been home. Now Harry was starting to feel like home, and the
older man's house along with it.
Harry nodded. He sighed softly, feeling it ruffle Eggsy's hair. "Okay." Harry
didn't say any more than that, but he knew there was a note of finality that
had worked its way into his voice. Even if Eggsy didn't understand what it
meant.
Harry tucked his arms underneath Eggsy and pulled the boy into his lap before
he laid back down on the bed. He kicked off his shoes and brought his feet up,
uncaring that this wasn't his bed or that they were both fully clothed. Harry
covered Eggsy in soft kisses. He stroked his hands over every vulnerable spot
on Eggsy they could find. Harry didn't know how to reassure the boy, not in any
way that he could reveal to Eggsy, but he could do this much.
Eggsy was still worried, but this was better. He could faintly smell hot
chocolate in the air, but Harry was right in front of him and all around him.
Eggsy felt safer. Harry's bruises were hidden beneath his clothes, and Eggsy
could pretend that he was invulnerable again and that everything was going to
be alright.
"Did you really mean it, earlier? I ain't gonna lose you?"
Harry pulled back just enough to look Eggsy in the eye. "I meant it."
Harry could see the gleam of hope shining through Eggsy's gaze. His head was
full of doubt and guilt and uncertainty, but Harry could be a support to lean
on. Harry was certain, or at least far more certain than Eggsy, about so many
things in the boy's situation.
When Harry smiled again, it wasn't so forced. "No matter what is to come."
Eggsy gave Harry a tremulous smile in return. Harry felt the boy relax a little
in his arms. He wasn't completely naive, but he still trusted in some promises
that adults made to children. Particularly promises from Harry. Eggsy was still
worried about his mother, but it was clear that he didn't want to talk about
her any more just then. He had plenty of time yet to worry about how the visit
was going to go and try to figure out what he might say.
"Are you feeling any better? With the bruises and everything?"
Harry's smile warmed. "I am. It takes quite a lot more than that to break me,
you know." Harry tilted Eggsy's chin up to place a kiss upon the boy's lips. "I
frightened you, didn't I, coming home looking like this?" He continued before
Eggsy could protest. "You were very worried about what could happen to me if I
left without you. But you see, here I am, in spite of all efforts by unnamed
villains to hold me back." Harry let a familiar, playful light come into his
eye, for it was true.
Harry's playfulness worked its magic. Eggsy wanted to believe, and what Harry
said was true: someone had tried to stop the older man and he'd bounced back
from the attempt without much difficulty. Harry was moving more easily already.
The seed of doubt was still there, but Eggsy was happy to pretend that it
wasn't. The boy's smile widened a bit more and turned more solid. "Woulda liked
to see them try it. Bet that was somethin' to see, you kickin' their arses. You
did, didn't you?"
A laugh burst from Harry. "Perhaps I did. You'd have liked to see such a thing,
wouldn't you?"
A new light came into Harry's eye at that. An idea took hold of him as suddenly
as his body moved, rolling the two of them so that he had Eggsy pinned under
him, the boy's small wrists caught in his hands. Harry lifted them level with
Eggsy's shoulders as he bent down for another kiss against Eggsy's ear. "Shall
I show you what I did to them? You seem to have had quite a time with Sean, but
perhaps you'd like a more...intimate demonstration on how to restrain a man?"
Harry pressed Eggsy's legs down with his weight and let the warmth of his
breath ghost over Eggsy's ear.
Eggsy laughed and squirmed, vainly trying to get away just to see if he could
managed to slip out of Harry's hold. "I should hope it wasn't this. Kissin'
your attackers doesn't sound like a great idea, and 'sides, you're only
supposed to be kissin' me. Or is that what you like, people tryin' to beat you
up? 'Cause I've heard there's stuff like that." Eggsy couldn't imagine why
anyone would want that, but like anything that was a little strange and taboo,
kids at school had talked about what little they'd heard about it.
"Oh no, but I rather like holding you down," Harry admitted as though it were
the most natural thing in the world but for the devilish curl at the corner of
his mouth. "Do you think you could beat me up if you tried?" Harry lifted
Eggsy's hands to catch them in in only one of his as he planted kisses down
Eggsy's neck. His free hand skittered down Eggsy's stomach, fingers tickling
over the tender flesh through his shirt as they went. "Or would you just let me
do whatever I like with you?" Harry found the hem of Eggsy's shirt and his
nimble hand slipped underneath to get to Eggsy's warm skin.
"H-hey!" Eggsy was writhing, but it was still a game. Harry wasn't a threat,
and so nothing about his words or actions were any more threatening than some
of the roughhousing between boys at school. All the shoves, wrestling, and
pinning one another to the ground wasn't anything but sport. "I bet I could
beat you up, I just don't want to. It ain't fair, not with you recoverin' and
all. 'Sides, I like you better without all the bruises."
Harry's fingers tickled against Eggsy's skin and the boy giggled. "What's this
about doin' whatever you like with me, anyway?"
"Oh, nothing." Harry glanced up to meet Eggsy's eyes with a wicked smirk before
he drew down the boy's stomach and lifted up his shirt, high enough to expose
his chest. High enough that Harry could blow a giant raspberry against his skin
to make Eggsy laugh, and laugh he did until Harry opened his mouth and dragged
his teeth up Eggsy's tender skin. Not enough to hurt, but enough to make him
feel it. Those teeth closed over his side and Harry bit down lightly, like he
was ready to devour Eggsy. "Only that you are at my mercy." Eggsy felt a spike
of adrenaline and just a touch of fear, for the first time since Harry had
transitioned from being a stranger to a friend. He hadn't been expecting teeth
at all. Harry was still being playful, but part of Eggsy heard a serious note
underneath the teasing cadence in Harry's voice. There was a hidden truth and,
with that truth, a want. Eggsy didn't understand any of it consciously, but he
felt it, enough to pause and look at Harry with wide, startled eyes. "I... what
are you gonna do?"
Harry looked up at him and hummed. "I'd like to eat you all up," he admitted,
muffled as he said the words into Eggsy's skin. Harry broke eye contact as he
said it and something about that made Eggsy think he wasn't only joking. When
Harry glanced back up at Eggsy again, he crawled the short distance up the
boy's body, still holding his hands, so that they were side by side. Eggsy
could feel that Harry was hard already when he pressed close, but Harry caught
Eggsy's chin with his fingertips and he didn't let the boy look down. It looked
like Harry was on the verge of asking him something, but he leaned down for a
kiss instead, one that opened Eggsy up.
The others before it had been chaste. Since Harry got back, almost all their
kisses had been chaste, but this one wasn't.
Harry's tongue wasn't demanding at first. The kiss was suggestive, teasing
Eggsy's lips apart with light pressure and suction until Harry could slip
inside. Eggsy took a sharp breath, both in surprise and at the way the invasion
made him feel. Or, rather, where it drew his focus. Eggsy hadn't been ignoring
the firm warmth pressed against him, broadcasting Harry's interest, but now
Eggsy was aware of just how and where they were pressed together. He remembered
another night, when Harry slipped a finger into him, and the request he'd made
once when Eggsy had turned him down.
Slowly the kiss became more insistent. Harry's hips rocked against Eggsy at the
same time he sighed into the kiss. Harry broke only long enough so that Eggsy
opened his eyes to look at him. Harry stared at him for one unnerving moment as
though he were trying to read something in Eggsy. And then he caught Eggsy up
in a kiss again before the boy could speak, picking right back up where he'd
left off. Harry's free hand moved beneath Eggsy's shirt, curled slowly around
his hip, and pulled Eggsy tighter against him.
"Did you miss this?" Harry asked when he let Eggsy catch his breath.
"Y-yeah." Eggsy's higher-pitched voice sounded unusual when thickened with
lust. The boy couldn't fake that, any more than he could fake his own, much
smaller interest now pressed against Harry as he pulled them flush together.
Eggsy had missed Harry for so many things, but this was starting to become an
integral part of the set. Harry was safety, and warmth, and bounty, and love,
and also sex. "Thought about stuff when you were gone. I couldn't go into your
bedroom, though, and it was... I kept worryin' about you. Kinda hard to think
about this when you're all worried."
"Mm, well I'm back now and you don't have to worry anymore. At least not about
me." Harry's eyes glinted in the light, some kind of trick he managed with the
way his head was turned and a half blink. It was clear he was still teasing
Eggsy, even if there was a strange undercurrent to it that Eggsy couldn't quite
place. Harry perhaps didn't even mean for it to be there, but there it was all
the same. "Would you like to come back to my bed with me?" Harry asked, fingers
sliding down under the hem of Eggsy's trousers until he encountered the soft,
sweet flesh of Eggsy's rear.
Eggsy took a moment to respond, thrown by the odd way that Harry was behaving.
It wasn't out of character, but it was different from before Harry's trip. That
moment of pause was all it took for Eggsy's mind to latch onto an explanation:
Harry had missed him. The time they'd spent away from one another had affected
the older man just as much, and this had to be how he was showing it. "Yeah.
Yeah, I do. I don't wanna sleep in the guest room anymore now that I don't
gotta. I missed being with you."
"I'm glad to hear it." Harry sat up and scooped Eggsy up with him. The boy's
hands were finally released, but Harry simply had hold of him in another way.
Harry carried him out of the room, past their mugs of hot chocolate, forgotten
now, and down the hall to Harry's room. Harry flicked on the lights with his
elbow and swung Eggsy over the bed, tossing them down together. Eggsy landed in
the cushion of the comforter with Harry half atop him, and then he was being
kissed again. Harry seemed hungry for it and even though he didn't reach to
hold Eggsy's arms down again, Eggsy found he still couldn't move when Harry's
hands went to the waist of his trousers and began pulling them off.
That was different, too. Harry had always taken care not to settle too much of
his weight on him, always laid in such a way that Eggsy really could have moved
away and escaped had he truly wanted to. The fact that he couldn't right then
was frightening and strangely arousing. Harry had lost none of his edge and the
movements of his hands were impatient. Eggsy's hips were narrow enough that his
trousers and pants slid off easily, but Harry might have been tempted to tear
them off if they hadn't. Eggsy made a questioning noise, but his words were
swallowed by the kiss.
Harry's hands slowed and gentled for a moment, like he'd realised he'd startled
Eggsy just a little, but then Harry was moaning softly against Eggsy's mouth
and his touches quickened again. There was an urgency in the way Harry pulled
Eggsy's shirt up and over his head, in the way he dove back down and found
Eggsy's mouth again, in the way he wrapped Eggsy in his arms tighter than Eggsy
remembered.
Harry began shedding his own clothes, starting with his shirt and then his
belt. If he thought he was moving too fast after Eggsy's moment of guilt, he
didn't show it. Harry wouldn't have forgotten; he was normally so considerate.
Now that he'd gotten worked up though, he really did seem like he was starved.
Eggsy was barely aware of Harry shedding his clothing until it was all gone. It
happened rapidly, and in pieces, with Harry kissing his breath away or
smoothing hands across his skin in between. Eggsy's head swam, and before he
could surface fully Harry was back, tasting and touching until finally he was
just as bare as Eggsy was. Harry settled atop him, not enough to suffocate, but
enough that Eggsy was thoroughly pinned. Even Harry's hands had become
possessive, just a touch firmer than usual.
"I want you to be mine. Always," Harry whispered into Eggsy's ear, so softly he
barely heard it. He certainly felt it. Harry had to bend his head down at an
awkward angle to get that close while he rocked his hips against Eggsy's. It
was a sentiment born of the moment, of heat and desire and too many nights
apart. There was no reason Eggsy had to connect it directly with his feelings
about going back to Michelle.
Harry reached for the night stand, a now familiar motion. Eggsy heard a snap
and felt Harry's fingers brush against his cock, painting the gel over him and
then Harry, and when Harry slotted their hips back together and rubbed against
him in an easy slide, the friction felt twice as good.
Eggsy wouldn't have thought that a few days would have made so much difference,
but it did. The touch of his own hand was very different from being engulfed by
Harry's, or feeling him slide right against him, just as hard and full of want
but so much larger. The differences between them were beginning to become
something of a turn on, point in fact. Harry could easily break or overpower
him, but he didn't. Even the feeling of being pinned was all in play. Eggsy
felt confident that Harry would stop and let him go if he wanted it.
"Always is a really long time. You sure you want me for that long?"
Harry nuzzled against Eggsy's cheek and didn't slow the rhythm. "Very."
The stimulation wasn't enough. From the way Harry shut his eyes and rocked so
deliberately against Eggsy, Eggsy could see that it wasn't for him either.
Harry applied more lube to his fingers and laid them behind Eggsy's balls,
pressing up at the fleshy part of his skin, sending sparks of arousal with
every slow rub. Then they drew back farther, pressing against the ring of
muscle at Eggsy's entrance until Harry slipped one inside. It wasn't quite as
slow as he'd done it before, but Harry was careful. He watched Eggsy with his
brow pressed to the boy's temple and Eggsy could tell Harry was looking for
signs of discomfort. It seemed that even in Harry's lust filled haze, he was
conscious enough to consider how tender Eggsy was.
The sensation was strange, mostly in its unfamiliarity. Eggsy wasn't used to
the feeling of being breached, even by something as small as a finger. His body
still tensed as Harry slid one digit in, but no more. He didn't panic, or tell
Harry to stop. He remembered, instead, just how good it had felt once he had
settled, when he'd relaxed and Harry had curled that finger upward. Something
about the contact felt more intimate, as well. Harry wanted to be close enough
to do this, and there was no place closer than being twined around and inside
one another.
Harry's finger crept further in, and Eggsy whined at the slight burn, and then
the discomfort went away. Something gave, and where he'd been clenched tightly
around Harry, he now was able to slide without impediment.
Harry gave a small hum of appreciation. He worked in enough to massage that
spot inside Eggsy that made the desire in him sharpen down to one point and his
little cock harden that much more. Eggsy's lips parted and his eyes grew dazed
with Harry watching all the while. He felt the spread of even more lube as
Harry worked, and then there was a bit more pressure, a bit more of a stretch,
and Eggsy didn't realize what it was at first because Harry didn't stop rubbing
that perfect spot, until he glanced down and saw that Harry had two fingers
inside him.
Eggsy couldn't believe it. He watched in vague shock as Harry's hand slid back
and forth, but sure enough, there were two. The boy hadn't thought anything
more than one finger would fit, or not without hurting terribly, but while he
wasn't exactly comfortable, it wasn't painful. Harry slid deeper and crooked
his fingertips up, and soon enough Eggsy forgot about worrying about what it
meant and how it was possible. His thoughts were lost in ripples of pleasure
and gasps, and all the while he could feel Harry right there, watching.
And smiling It was barely there, just the quality of it behind Harry's widened
pupils and parted lips, but Eggsy could see it. Harry had seen his surprise and
Harry had enjoyed it. Harry could have used the opportunity to say something,
could have told Eggsy he might enjoy more, but he didn't. He kissed up and down
Eggsy's neck and pleasured the boy with the friction between them and the slide
inside of him. Then Harry worked his hand between them and wrapped his fingers
around Eggsy's cock, taking the friction from an imprecise pleasure and
narrowing it right where Eggsy wanted it.
For several seconds, Eggsy was in heaven, and then Harry whispered, "One more."
Eggsy almost didn't process what Harry had said. He was too far gone, enjoying
having Harry back and with him and exploring this part of their relationship
together in a haze of pleasure. Harry's words sunk in when the boy heard the
snap of a plastic cap once again, and a slight pressure at his entrance.
It turned to an uncomfortable burning feeling almost immediately as Harry slid
the tip of one more finger past that ring of muscle, and Eggsy went tense. His
breathing hitched and, despite himself, Eggsy started to look down. "I... I
can't, it's not gonna fit. It feels weird, kinda hurts." The stretch had turned
into an ache, not unlike the soreness in Eggsy's muscles when he'd overexerted
himself in sports or skateboarding, but a subconscious part of him knew that he
was fragile there. One wrong move and he could tear.
Harry let go of Eggsy's cock to hold the back of his head. He kept them firmly
pressed together, providing brushes of friction, but most importantly, his
third finger stopped. Didn't pull out, he kept up the shallow slide of the
first two, just stopped where it was. "Relax," Harry murmured. "I can feel how
tight you are. I know it hurts. I won't let it get too bad." Eggsy squirmed
against Harry's hand. He could still feel the stretch, but the burn had receded
when Harry wasn't moving the third finger with the others. Harry shifted them
just a little, drawing them together and making their circumference just a
little smaller.
That helped. Eggsy concentrated on just breathing, on the hand cradling the
back of his head and on Harry's face. The intensity was still there, but Harry
was focused on him. When Harry's fingers started to move again, all three moved
at once in a tight, narrowed cluster, but slowly. Harry watched Eggsy the whole
time, looking for signs of pain or distress. Drawn together, three fingers
wasn't as bad as Eggsy had thought it would be. They still burned, but it
wasn't pain, just an ache as he was forced to stretch to accommodate them.
It took a little bit of work for Harry to get them in far enough to make Eggsy
feel good again. It didn't quite ease the ache all the way, but when Harry's
other hand drifted down again to stroke his cock in time, the pleasure helped
considerably.
"Look at you," Harry whispered. "You're doing so well." His voice was soft
reassurance in Eggsy's ear. Harry never took his eyes off Eggsy's face. With
every expression Eggsy made, Harry reacted accordingly, either slowing down and
easing the pressure, or carefully building it up again.
Eggsy was too young and trusting to have paused to consider whether Harry was
manipulating him. Praise felt wonderful, coming from Harry, as did the older
man's attention. Eggsy was too used to negative attention, verbal or otherwise.
Harry's voice in his ear filled him with warmth, spreading out from the center
of his chest. It took time, but Harry didn't seem to be in any hurry, and after
minutes passed Eggsy found himself squirming and unconsciously tilting his hips
up against Harry's hand where it stroked against his cock.
With Eggsy responding so well, Harry kept up the praise. He told Eggsy how much
he missed him, how much he wanted him while they were apart. Harry told Eggsy
how proud he was of him, how strong he was, how fearless, until Eggsy was
shuddering in his hands with every teasing stroke and Harry was nibbling at his
ear. Harry hadn't been able to stop himself from rubbing against the boy while
his hands worked, but it wasn't nearly enough.
When Eggsy was dazed, strung out on the pleasure and disregarding the pain well
enough, Harry searched out his eyes. "Eggsy. Would you let me inside you?"
Eggsy turned dazed eyes on Harry. It took the boy a moment to realize that
Harry didn't mean what he was already doing. Eggsy's concern immediately
returned. Three fingers was much more than he thought he'd be able to take,
much less enjoy, but Eggsy was certain that Harry was larger than that. Harry
was also longer than a finger by quite a bit, and Eggsy had no idea how that
was going to work. His size was going to be a factor not just in terms of
girth, but of length as well. "You... it'd hurt, wouldn't it? I don't think
it'd work."
"It will hurt a little," Harry admitted. "But I will go slow, and I don't need
much. It doesn't have to be all the way." Harry slowed his strokes so that
Eggsy could think, but he didn't stop. He wanted the boy to feel the pleasure
of it while he considered. Harry didn't shy away from Eggsy's gaze. Eggsy
needed certainty from him, certainty that this could work. Even Eggsy would see
through pleas and praise at this point, and Harry's instincts didn't like the
thought of playing it that way. Even this much was enough for now. Eggsy truly
had come farther than Harry had intended that night, and there would be others
for Harry to ask again.
Eggsy was torn. He was curious, and he trusted Harry, but he was afraid. He
didn't know what could go wrong, only that something could and that it would
probably hurt terribly. Eggsy was very enthusiastic about the idea of agreeing
to something that even Harry told him would hurt.
Eggsy also didn't feel like he could refuse Harry, though. Harry was waiting on
him, still with that air of hunger around him that had been so obvious earlier
when Harry had pinned him down. Harry had given him so much, and taken care of
him, and missed him while he was gone overseas, and this was the second time
Harry had asked for this. Eggsy worried at his bottom lip and tried to think.
He was afraid of what might happen if he said yes, but he was also afraid of
what might happen if he said no.
"Not tonight, then." Harry made the decision for him. He kissed Eggsy's temple.
He pulled the third finger free to make the slide of the first two easier.
Eggsy felt the remaining ache diminish as Harry stroked with more certainty.
"It's okay." There didn't seem to be much disappointment in his voice, and
Harry hadn't stopped watching Eggsy. Perhaps Harry had expected this. Had
pushed for more, but expected not to go through with it in the end. Eggsy felt
Harry press a kiss to his cheek. "It's okay," he repeated, and Harry didn't
often repeat himself unless he meant it.
Eggsy felt the tension go out of him all at once. Harry hadn't been angry or
sad, and he hadn't made any demands. There were no criticisms or comments to
try to make him feel guilty, or assertions that it was something Harry expected
to happen soon. Harry had said it was ok, and so it was. Eggsy wrapped his arms
around Harry and relaxed, falling back into the pleasure of what they were
doing. Part of the boy noted that the second finger, which had felt so odd and
uncomfortable when they'd started, now moved without any pain.
Eggsy closed his eyes and tried to imagine that they were doing more, and that
this was what it would feel like if they tried it.
It wasn't difficult when Harry attacked his mouth again and began to make every
stroke and every thrust count. In spite of Eggsy's worries, his body had been
responding to Harry's touch all the while, opening up for the man and slowly
being overtaken by pleasure. Without the pain, it only worked Eggsy up faster.
Harry didn't move his weight away this time. Perhaps it was due to how much
he'd missed Eggsy, how much he cherished the feel of him, but he kept the boy
half trapped under him while he worked. Somehow all the while, Harry was
putting his own pleasure by the wayside. Eggsy could feel the weight of Harry's
cock against his thigh, and he could feel the slick head of it when Harry
ground it there, but he made no move to take his hands off Eggsy to touch
himself.
The world contracted. Eggsy forgot about his worries. Nothing else seemed to
matter but this - Harry's demanding kisses, the tip of his tongue every once in
a while mirroring what he was doing with his fingers down below, the hand
wrapped around the boy's cock that never let up, the weight of Harry and the
groove of his hip where Eggsy could feel him sliding every now and then.
Eggsy's legs spread wider, and that must have excited Harry; his finger started
to move faster, teasing little circles around the spot inside of Eggsy until
the boy whined and was rewarded with just the right amount of direct contact
and pressure.
Eggsy would have arched against the bed when his climax hit, but for the way
Harry was draped atop him and holding him down.
Harry drank up his cries, muffled between their mouths, like he could bottle
Eggsy's pleasure. Eggsy was left gasping when they parted.
Harry's fingers drew out of his still trembling body and turned Eggsy over. It
took a split second for Eggsy to realise what was going on while Harry lined up
behind him, draping himself over Eggsy's back. Harry's length slid between the
cleft of his arse and the sensation was so strangely intimate, just that. Harry
slid down, guiding it to paint precum over Eggsy's hole. Harry rubbed there and
Eggsy, as boneless as he was, could almost hear what Harry was thinking as he
felt the slide of it. Harry's lips closed over his ear. Harry's breath was
already shaky just at the thought of pushing inside Eggsy. But then he guided
his cock lower, trapped it between Eggsy's thighs, and gasped aloud as he began
to thrust.
Eggsy's sedated state didn't last very long with what Harry was doing. The boy
had felt another spike of concern when Harry had looked to be considering
penetration, but the thought didn't seem as terrible as it had only a few
minutes ago. Eggsy still felt loose and relaxed, and the sound and feel of
Harry behind him was causing his own cock to grow hard again.
The way they had to look... Eggsy imagined it might be something like the Greek
vases in the book Harry owned. Harry slid back and forth between his thighs,
leaving a slick of precum and lubricant behind, and Eggsy felt his face heat
just thinking about how that would look if he could see it. A little knot of
lust curled back through the boy, right at the base of his spine and grew
larger. He turned his head and tried to glance behind him. "...H-Harry?"
Harry's face was flushed, hair falling all around his forehead, his eyes
unclear. He blinked and pressed a kiss to Eggsy's shoulder, steadying himself
like the ability to form words had briefly fled his memory. His daze passed
soon enough, but the desire in his eyes didn't.
"What is it?" Harry whispered into Eggsy's skin, slowing his pace just enough
to let Eggsy speak without distraction. Harry didn't want to stop, but he held
back that much.
"I..." The words stuck in Eggsy's throat, but Eggsy felt a bit more certain,
looking back at Harry. Particularly as Harry had immediately given him his
attention. Harry cared what he thought and wanted, no matter what they were
doing, and that gave Eggsy just a bit more bravery for what he was going to
say.
"Can... I change my mind? I mean... if you'll listen and stop if I say so, and
don't... don't go very far, or fast. If you're sure it doesn't hurt t-too much,
or..." Eggsy's teeth almost chattered out of sheer nervousness, and the boy
couldn't hold his voice steady, but he managed to get everything out. "I... I
think I want to try, maybe."
Harry blinked again. He stilled, wrapped his arms around Eggsy, and looked into
his eyes.
"You're sure?"
Eggsy could see the furrow in Harry's brow. The press of Harry's body told him
just how interested the man was, but the look on Harry's face was more hesitant
than it had been earlier. Eggsy had surprised him.
Harry's hesitance made Eggsy's courage flag a bit. Harry was being supportive
and affectionate, but this was new and scary territory. Even if Eggsy was
choosing to give it a try. He'd felt just as anxious the first time he'd done
any number of things - shoplifting and full of fear that he was going to get
caught, or climbing out his window and worried that he was going to fall, or
skating with his friends and convinced that he was going to eat pavement while
everyone was watching. Eggsy took as deep a breath as he could manage with
Harry atop him and tried to sound more confident than he felt. "Just, only if
you stop if I say so. Alright?"
Harry's look of uncertainty faded at that. It was replaced with something Eggsy
could only describe as warmth.
"Alright," Harry agreed, running his hands up Eggsy's sides in a soothing
caress. Harry pressed his lips to Eggsy's temple as he continued. "All you have
to do is say when. It'll hurt a little, but I'll be very, very gentle." Their
eyes never broke contact and Eggsy could see Harry searching him for signs of
reservation beyond simple nervousness. Harry didn't want him to do this out of
some notion of payment.
Once Harry was satisfied, he reached for the bottle of lube again and made his
fingers slick with it. "I want to make sure you're relaxed," he explained. "It
is truly amazing how the body can open up if the muscles are loosened, but it
takes time and muscle memory." Gently, Harry stroked over Eggsy's hole and
slipped his fingers back inside, one after the other until two were nestled
there comfortably.
Eggsy tried to make himself relax, like he had been. That was difficult
considering that he knew what was coming, but not exactly how it was going to
feel. The boy was tempted to say that he'd changed his mind again, but he
refused to do it. Not before he'd given it a try. Eggsy wasn't a coward. Harry
would stop and gracefully accept Eggsy's refusal, but Eggsy knew that giving
into his nervousness now would eat at him later.
Harry kissed across Eggsy's shoulder blades and up his neck all the while.
Small affections did wonders to calm the boy's racing thoughts just a bit.
Harry slipped a third finger in and Eggsy felt a bit of the burning sensation
from before, but not as much. He was still loose from earlier.
Harry spent a lot of time at it, testing how deep he could push or how wide he
could make his fingers before Eggsy shifted in discomfort. It gave Eggsy a hint
of what the real thing might feel like as much as it helped to make room in his
body. Harry made him lay as boneless as he could against the mattress and
rewarded him with strokes to that sweet spot whenever he thought Eggsy was
doing particularly well.
The fact that Eggsy could take the discomfort of Harry's preparation and the
way it was combined with pleasure still was greatly reassuring. By the time
Harry draped himself over Eggsy to place a kiss behind the boy's ear and pull
out his fingers, Eggsy was not in any great pain, and Harry had done quite a
lot more than he had with three fingers earlier.
Eggsy felt Harry shifting behind him and heard the snap of the bottle again.
Harry turned his head for a kiss and then Eggsy felt the length of Harry
sliding between his cheeks. "Relax," Harry whispered. He could make his voice
as smooth as silk, turning the word into a sigh. But then Eggsy felt the blunt
head of his cock press against him, and it was more than Harry's fingers had
been. Harry pushed slowly and Eggsy felt himself stretch.
Eggsy couldn't keep his eyes from widening, or his hands from grasping at the
sheets. Even with preparation, it hurt. Eggsy felt like he must be on the verge
of splitting apart, and his body shook at the thought, but he didn't feel the
expected lance of pain that would come with injury. His body only burned with a
taut sort of aching, and Harry paused just past his entrance.
The boy's head began to swim before Eggsy realized he was only taking shallow
breaths. He warily filled his lungs, but the movement wasn't enough to cause
any more pain.
It took Eggsy a moment to realise Harry was making a low shushing sound and
petting his hair. One of Harry's arms wound underneath him and held him close.
Harry touched him like he was trying to ease the burn. He didn't push any
farther, and Eggsy realised it was that outer muscle stretching over the head
of Harry's cock that hurt the worst. With Harry not moving it wasn't so bad,
but Harry would have to move again. He waited and continued to sooth Eggsy with
touches and soft sounds. Harry was waiting for him to grow accustomed to the
stretch of Harry inside him, or he was waiting for Eggsy to back out.
Eggsy wanted to back out. He wanted to say that he was too scared, but he
couldn't bear the thought of Harry thinking him a coward. He knew that Harry
wouldn't show his disappointment, but he would be disappointed. It would go
unsaid until the next time Harry asked for this.
Yet in the end, Eggsy's courage failed. He was young, and this was his first
attempt, and he was too afraid of how it might hurt worse. Eggsy held onto
Harry as best he could with the older man draped atop him, but some amount of
babbling escaped him. Eggsy wasn't even paying attention, but he could feel
Harry shift behind him in response.
Harry pulled back very, very slowly, and only by inches, but he didn't pull
out. "You're so strong for me, Eggsy. So brave," Harry whispered against his
temple, and Eggsy was certain he'd said something about the pain that Harry
understood, even if it was incoherent. But still Harry waited with his calming
words and gentle hands, pressing no farther. "Are you alright?" he asked at
last when Eggsy's whimpers had quieted.
Eggsy nodded slowly. He still ached, but not as badly. Eggsy suspected that
he'd ache for some time. He felt incredibly vulnerable, not torn, but slowly
teased open until everything fragile was exposed. More, even, than just his
body. Eggsy felt like one wrong move would make Harry break something deeper
and less tangible. "Yeah, I... I don't think I can. It just hurts, it doesn't
feel good. I think I'm too small still."
Eggsy could feel Harry take a breath against his back, long and slow, and then
he was kissing Eggsy's shoulder. There was a moment of hesitation between them,
of Harry thinking, considering, but then he gave Eggsy another gentle kiss.
"Okay. It's alright. You were very brave," Harry reassured him. "Hold still."
Eggsy felt him move a hand down between them, felt Harry's touch trail down his
backside to help guide Harry out. It was another stretch over the head and
Eggsy felt every bit of it, but when it was over, both of Harry's arms wrapped
around him and drew him up to Harry's chest.
There was no hiding that Eggsy was upset. The boy tucked his head and tried to
hide his face and, with that, his tears. Not from pain, but from worry about
what Harry might think of him. Once Harry had pulled out his body had continued
to complain with a dull ache, but he didn't actually hurt. His body wasn't
injured, but his confidence was. "'m sorry. I just thought... maybe I could do
it." Eggsy whispered as Harry held him close and rubbed small circles into his
back.
"No, Eggsy," Harry bent to catch Eggsy's eye. "Hush now, it's not your fault.
You will." Harry placed kisses over the side of his face, even through the
tears. "You will. It doesn't have to be now. You've been doing wonderfully,
never having such experiences before. I'm not upset." Harry didn't look upset.
His eyes were warm and kind in that strange way that only Harry's could be. It
wasn't a smile, but it was. Eggsy had never met anyone who could give the
impression of such a thing before. "No need to rush." Harry wiped away the
tears he could reach.
"I just wanted..." To impress and please Harry. That had been at the core of
it. Eggsy had felt it, but he hadn't really been thinking about it. After his
own climax, and with Harry behind him and fantasies filling the boy's head, it
had seemed like a good idea at the time. "I missed you, and we'd never tried it
before."
Harry nuzzled against his ear. "I know. I am glad you tried for me." Harry
continued pressing kisses over what parts of Eggsy weren't bundled up against
his chest, like he was trying to let Eggsy see that Harry didn't feel rejected
or disappointed, that he was still very much interested. "You have nothing to
be ashamed of." With that, Harry lifted Eggsy's chin, forcing the boy to look
at him without furtive glances.
The lack of judgment in Harry's face helped. Eggsy still looked disappointed,
but he was becoming less worried that Harry was going to be upset with him.
Harry had told him he'd done well, and that he was brave. That mattered more
than anything. Eggsy met Harry's gaze with red-rimmed eyes that only accented
the blue of his irises, but his tears were fading. Everything was going to be
alright. "'m really glad you're back with me, Harry."
"I'm glad to be back." Harry gave him a real smile then. It was small, but it
was something to loosen the tension in Eggsy's chest just a little more. Harry
rolled so that they were on their sides and Eggsy couldn't hide any longer, but
Harry didn't let him get far. Harry was still hard and they were still pressed
together and he had to be feeling the throb of it. Still he waited for Eggsy
without complaint and he didn't try to rush things back along. It could have
been intimidating, having what had just been inside Eggsy still straining
insistently against him, but Harry was making sure Eggsy was okay again instead
of asking for more.
Eggsy soaked up the attention. Had Harry been insistent, the boy would have
felt differently, but Harry was nothing but supportive. Eggsy curled up closer
to Harry and rested in the circle of his arms, but every now and then he looked
down. Sex was still new, and the sight of a cock that wasn't his own was still
a novelty and difficult to ignore. Seeing things in real life was very
different than seeing illustrations or hearing descriptions, after all.
Staring led to curiosity, which led to touching. Eggsy was hesitant at first,
but when his fingertips made contact they slid. Harry was still quite slick
from earlier.
The sound Harry made was certainly appreciative. Even his eyes slipped closed.
If that little bit of a touch got such a reaction out of Harry, the man was
still incredibly worked up. His fingers grasped at the back of Eggsy's neck,
but it wasn't a motion for him to stop. It was Harry trying not to move, Eggsy
realised.
Harry was trying to hold back until he was absolutely sure that Eggsy was ready
again, that he even wanted to finish, but he could do nothing to hide how
interested that portion of himself was. The muscles in his thighs tightened and
Harry's hips pressed into the touch, searching for more.
Eggsy kept stroking, light and slow at first and growing more confident as
Harry stayed still and refused to pressure him. The boy took advantage of
Harry's closed eyes to study him - how his expression changed or certain
muscles tensed with the right stroke or touch. The silence between them felt
awkward, as Eggsy didn't know if he was supposed to talk, and he was too
embarrassed to say anything even if he was expected to. Harry's hips shifted
forward again, and still he didn't move. "...Harry? Are you okay?"
Harry let out a small breath. "Yes." He wetted his lips. "It just feels very,
very good." He opened his eyes to look at Eggsy and slowly his hips began to
move into the rhythm.
Harry looked a little dazed. It lessened the intensity of his gaze. He may have
wanted to do more, but he wasn't letting himself. He was now moving to Eggsy's
lead, thrusting more the more Eggsy stroked with confidence. Eggsy felt fingers
in his hair and the additional slickness of precum on his fingers as Harry
watched him. Harry nuzzled into Eggsy's jaw and it felt like a wordless plea.
Eggsy didn't know what to make of that. He felt warm and supported, but more
than that, he felt powerful. The shift was dizzying, considering that he'd just
been pinned underneath Harry and terrified that the wrong move was going to
tear him open, and now Harry was almost... submissive. He wasn't asking for
anything in words, and Eggsy was certain that Harry wouldn't complain or punish
him if he didn't give Harry what he wanted.
But Eggsy wanted to. He'd missed Harry, and he liked Harry like this - letting
him do whatever he wanted at his own pace. Eggsy liked that he got to explore
and take his time, learning what he enjoyed and what Harry enjoyed as well.
Eggsy's other hand traveled down to join the one already wrapped around Harry's
cock, and the look that summoned in Harry's eyes made the boy smile. "That
too?"
"Oh yes," Harry sighed. His lips pressed to Eggsy's neck and lingered there.
Harry's breaths deepened and Eggsy felt every one against him with the way they
were pressed so close. He also could feel Harry's dick twitch in his hand.
Harry had been waiting without stimulation for a long time and now that he was
getting it, his body was reacting like an instrument. Every touch Eggsy gave
him got a reaction and for the first time it wasn't Harry leading. They had
done this just enough though that Eggsy knew what was coming and what Harry's
body would do. And want. Harry held Eggsy in his arms and let the boy do as he
liked.
Stroking was easier with two hands. Eggsy's smile grew wider and more impish
with every groan and twitch Harry gave him. Eggsy was very much enjoying
himself. The fact that he could do this to Harry... was quite an ego-boost,
particularly as he hadn't even had much practice. The boy glanced down,
watching the slick head appear and disappear between his palms, and after a
moment Eggsy shifted a bit lower and one of his hands let go. Eggsy tried to
remember what Harry had done to him, but his attempt at finding and pressing
against the tender skin of Harry's perineum was made more awkward by Eggsy's
shyness and the fact that he'd never tried this particular trick before.
Harry made a soft sound. It wasn't one of surprise or censure, but simply an
"oh". Eggsy was going to have to press harder than he'd expected to move the
flesh there the right way. For Harry' who's fingers were stronger and who knew
exactly what he was looking for, it hadn't been difficult at all. For Eggsy, it
was not so, but then Harry reached down, catching Eggsy's finger and applying
pressure in a slow, stroking motion that had his eyes closing again and a look
of awe upon his face. Harry made the movement a couple times before he let
Eggsy try on his own. He hadn't been able to know if he was doing it right
without feeling it from Harry's side, but Harry's face told him the man was
definitely feeling something.
Eggsy's gaze flickered between watching what he was doing and watching Harry's
face. He loved looking at the older man's body, clothed or unclothed, but
Harry's body wasn't what was causing Eggsy's heart to constrict in his chest.
Harry's expression was doing that, all the hunger and awe and something softer
filtering through. Eggsy found himself wishing he had a picture to keep and
tuck away in an album like the one he'd found in Harry's garage, just so he
could see it and remember whenever he wanted.
The times they had done this before, Harry had always wrapped his hand around
Eggsy's, but this time he left Eggsy alone even if his grip wasn't so strong
and his hand wasn't big enough to touch all of Harry. Eggsy focused his
attentions around the head and the approximate spot Harry had shown him behind
his balls, but from the way Harry began to slowly and subtly writhe under his
hands, it was working.
Harry began panting as Eggsy's efforts redoubled. Both his hands wound in
Eggsy's hair and the stare the man gave him was practically delirious. It would
have been disquieting if it had been anyone but Harry.
It would even have been disquieting on Harry had they been in another
situation.
Eggsy wished he was taller. If he was bigger, he'd be tall enough to be able to
kiss Harry while he did this. He wouldn't have trouble just using one hand.
He'd be big enough for them to do other things without having to worry about
him getting hurt. Wishes didn't change reality, though, and Eggsy would take
what he could get. Harry didn't seem to mind that his hands were too small to
circle all the way around, or that he had to pick between kisses and being
touched in the right way.
Eggsy licked his lips, his eyebrows drawn together in concentration, and moved
his hand faster. Harry seemed so close, and Eggsy wanted to do this for him for
the first time without being guided all the way to the end.
He could hear it when Harry's breaths shortened, feel it when Harry's hips
began to drive into his hands with little thrusts of their own. The way Harry's
hands tightened in fistfuls of Eggsy's hair was the last sign before Harry
came, squirting warm fluid in Eggsy's hand and wrapping Eggsy in his arms and
holding him tight as his hips snapped through the last of it. Eggsy could hear
his name muffled into his own scalp as Harry bent over him and breathed.
Harry didn't move and didn't let go either, not until at least a minute had
passed and he began to relax, loosening his hold around Eggsy.
Eggsy spared a glance for the mess coating his hand, but only one. Harry was
more important, and Eggsy was rapt upon the older man's face, looking for
approval. The boy knew that he'd done well - he wouldn't have had such results
if he hadn't - and Harry appeared relaxed and pleased, but that wasn't enough.
Eggsy wanted to hear Harry say so. He wanted, on some level, to make Harry so
pleased that he wouldn't think of leaving, even if Eggsy knew Harry would have
to go on work trips anyway. "You ok, Harry?"
A slow smile spread across Harry's face before the man laughed. It was joyful.
"No." Harry turned and pulled Eggsy up with him to more of an equal height.
"No, I am utterly ruined. Look what you've done to me." But there was love and
delight in Harry's eyes and his fingers traced Eggsy's face as Harry placed a
kiss to his mouth before falling back upon the bed, boneless. He was a mess,
but strangely all the more interesting for it with a satisfied smile upon his
face and tired eyes, his hair mussed and his body bare, exposing a great many
scars and bruises and the texture that came with age, such a contrast to Eggsy.
Eggsy drank the sight in for a long moment. Harry's love was reflected back to
him with fragile innocence, and Eggsy reached out to touch him before the boy
caught sight of his hand and pulled a face. His fingers flexed, and that made
it worse; a bit ran down the side of his hand and dropped onto Harry's chest.
"I don't know if I'm ever gonna get used to that bit," Eggsy grumbled. "Lotta
extra washing an' sticky sheets."
Harry just laughed and reached for the box of tissues by the night stand. He
wiped Eggsy's hand and the extra mess on their stomachs before he tossed it in
the bin and pulled Eggsy down with him. "Absolutely worth the trouble, I'd
say." He let Eggsy look at him then, and Harry very much enjoyed watching Eggsy
in return.
Eggsy's eyes were no less curious, no less lingering than they'd been many
times Harry had taken him to bed and Harry had to wonder if Eggsy would always
be so awed with him. And yet, Harry could not take his eyes away from Eggsy
either. The way he laid atop Harry put his rear wiggling in the air to get
comfortable. If Harry had not been so spent, the sight would have made him hard
again in an instant.
"'Course you think it's worth the trouble, you're the one doin' it." Eggsy
never would have gone to bed early before Harry came into his life. He'd always
fought to stay up as late as he possibly could, but right then, Eggsy could see
the appeal in turning in for an early night in bed, just as long as Harry came
with him.
"So, now that I'm sleepin' in here again..." Eggsy shot Harry his most
beseeching look - the one that had usually worked with his mother, even though
she laughed and told him that she could see right through him. "It's kinda both
our room, isn't it? Does that mean I can have some of my stuff in here, maybe
some posters?"
"Oh no." Harry visibly cringed. "If I have to wake up in the morning and see
some alternative rock band staring at me, well. Well...." Harry didn't seem to
know how to finish that sentence. He glanced almost warily down at Eggsy's
widened eyes, clear green and not a hint of blue in the low light, and then
Harry tore his gaze away, reaching to untangle the covers. "Goodnight, Eggsy."
Eggsy pouted, but he'd expected as much. Harry didn't get many visitors that
he'd seen, but if someone like Landon came over unexpectedly, it'd be difficult
to hide everything so that they couldn't see things through the doorway.
"G'night, Harry." He watched the older man smooth things out and pull the
covers over them both. Eggsy felt strange, not changing into pyjamas
beforehand, but once Harry curled an arm around him and pulled him closer,
Eggsy decided he'd give it a try. Warm, bare skin against his own felt better
than fabric, anyway.
Harry nuzzled a kiss into Eggsy's hair and Eggsy could feel the smile hidden
there. "I love you, Eggsy. My sweet boy," Harry whispered so soft Eggsy
couldn't be sure the man had said it at all. Harry sighed and relaxed, and his
lazy touches slowly drew Eggsy down into a comfortable lethargy, and finally,
sleep.
***** Chapter 16 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
The next week saw Harry busy at work and Eggsy stuck in school, his friends
begging him to come over after and if he really couldn't, then skip and come
over anyway. He got to see many of them there, but not all, and they still
hadn't given him up for a lost cause. It was his mother's visit, however, that
was truly looming over the week. Harry had gotten another call from Rhonda to
confirm the date and time. She informed them the visit was not required to be
supervised, but gave Harry a number to call if conflict arose. He gracefully
assured her it wouldn't.
Harry was taking things rather well in fact. He'd offered Eggsy some tips to
get out of uncomfortable conversations, but had noticeably not pressured him
into doing or saying anything more or less than he felt comfortable with. All
in all, Harry didn't seem nervous in the least.
Eggsy wasn't so self-assured. He hadn't seen his mother in some time now, at
least by the standards of a young boy. His eagerness to see her was
overshadowed by his anxiety. Michelle wasn't going to be happy with Harry, and
Eggsy knew that he was going to be questioned about how things were going in
the Hart household. Michelle was also going to ask about how much Eggsy had
missed her, and about his desire to come home with her. Eggsy felt nervous and
terrible about lying, in both directions; he was afraid of revealing too much
and putting Harry in danger, and also afraid of speaking the truth and breaking
his mother's heart.
He was left to wait through the day in cold anxiety, and even when he got home
and Harry had picked up around the house and was already making dinner
preparations for his mother's arrival, Eggsy had to wait even longer. When
Harry saw the way he was lingering around the hallway, however, he put Eggsy to
work, helping him set out the plates, pick out the juice, hand Harry
vegetables. Harry didn't say as much, but it may have been for Eggsy's sake
that he chose to forgo a bottle of wine for the occasion, knowing that Eggsy
had never liked his mother drinking.
Eggsy would have been the only one at the table with juice, besides, and Harry
didn't like the thought of widening the divide between him and the adults.
Eggsy clung to Harry's side as much as he could before his mother arrived, when
he knew that he'd have to maintain an illusion of distance. The boy gladly
fulfilled tasks so long as they kept him near Harry, and only reluctantly left
the room to arrange the place settings, fill the water glasses, and take Mr.
Pickle out to keep him from begging and getting underfoot.
Eggsy was just glad that Harry wasn't making him change. Trying to navigate the
situation while uncomfortable would have made things all the more difficult.
Eggsy knew, too, that his mother would be sensitive to anything that was new
and, thus, a gift from Harry. She'd always tried so hard to provide for them
both that wearing clothing that was entirely gifted from Harry might upset her,
and so Eggsy changed before she could arrive. He picked a shirt and pair of
jeans that he'd gotten back from his Aunt's flat, and Michelle would just have
to deal with the fact that they were paired with a new set of sneakers and a
zippered hoodie.
Harry didn't comment on it when Eggsy returned. He simply squeezed Eggsy's
shoulder and set all the pans to simmer while they waited. He folded Eggsy
under one arm and probably would have offered to let him sneak in a bite of the
steaks that were sizzling behind them if Eggsy hadn't been so distracted with
nerves.
Harry was dressed to the nines, and although he left his jacket off for the
night, he still looked far overdressed compared to Eggsy and certainly
Michelle, too. But then again, the idea of Harry dressing down for this
occasion would have been even odder.
Five minutes after the clock struck six, the doorbell rang. It was a jarring
sound. If silence could be broken like glass, the air around them would have
shattered. Harry's hand brushed over Eggsy's back one last time before he went
to the door, Eggsy following behind, and opened it to a dampened Michelle,
crouched under a navy blue umbrella that was missing one of its hinges. Her
smile looked as watery as the rain behind her when Harry greeted her, but then
she caught sight of Eggsy and her face cleared.
"Eggsy," she cried softly as Harry ushered her inside, offering to take the
umbrella from her hands.
Eggsy rushed forward to greet her and folded her in a hug as soon as the
umbrella was out of her hands. Eggsy could hear Harry move away a short
distance to deposit it onto a rug in the front closet to dry. "Mum. Are you
doin' ok?" His aunt Susan hadn't had all that much to say, out of the brief
phone calls he'd received. All that he knew was that Michelle was missing him,
working hard, and still fighting the legal system regarding her connections
with Dean and his custody.
"I'm okay, baby." Her voice cracked a little as she petted his hair in a
familiar gesture, but so different from the way Harry did it. "I'm so, so sorry
it's been this long. Missed you so much." Michelle pulled back to look at him.
She seemed happy with what she saw, and Eggsy had probably been right to change
into clothes she recognised. She looked like she feared he'd already grown up
without her. "You been ok here, with...with Mr. Hart?" For a second she looked
like she wanted to say more, but closed her mouth and searched his face
instead. Harry waited patiently behind them.
"Yeah. Harry's been really nice." Eggsy had to bite his tongue to keep from
saying anything more. He knew his mother wouldn't take too much praise very
well. She didn't like Harry, and there was a possibility that she'd get
jealous, if only for the fact that Harry was wealthy and providing for him
wasn't a struggle at all. "I get to go to my old school and see everyone, and I
get to pick out dinner a lot of the time. I've been ok."
Michelle carded her fingers through his hair again, and Eggsy had to resist the
urge to pull away in irritation. He didn't want to leave her side, but the way
Harry touched him was fonder, while the way Michelle did it... Eggsy felt
almost like a pet. It was demeaning instead of an endearment. "I hope you're
hungry? I got to help a little with chopping things up and stuff."
Michelle visibly collected herself. "Yeah. I'm hungry. Dinner would be
wonderful." Then she looked to Harry and straightened. She was putting on a
good front. Eggsy could tell she was trying to be polite, but there was a
tension in her face that she couldn't disguise.
Harry seemed to have no such problem. "Right this way, he gestured Eggsy and
Michelle through the hall after she hung up her coat and Harry's face was every
bit as warm as Eggsy had known him to be. "Have a seat and I'll serve," Harry
directed while Michelle was glancing around the house. "I have a plate of tri-
tip steak with Sicilian herb sauce and asparagus."
Michelle looked as uncertain as Eggsy felt earlier when she glanced to Harry
and took a seat, as though she wasn't quite sure whether he was her opponent or
her waiter in a restaurant she'd never be able to afford. But she thanked him
anyway and sat down while Harry stepped into the kitchen.
Eggsy took a seat and tried to make her feel at ease, although his own nerves
were showing. His feet kicked out absently, and every now and then his heels
drummed against the wooden legs. "Stuff's not always this fancy, but, y'know. I
thought it'd be nice, and Harry did too."
As soon as they were both seated, Harry began to move. Eggsy watched with no
small amount of unease. When it was just the two of them, Harry had never
behaved in a servile manner, and it was decidedly strange to see him adopting
that sort of behavior while playing host to Michelle.
It was the gracious thing to do, proper and a bit detached--all things Michelle
might expect from Harry, but it was still odd. But once they were all served,
Harry still sat at the head of the table and there was still a subtle authority
in his presense as he unfolded his napkin.
"It's very good to have you with us, Michelle," Harry said as they all tucked
in.
"Thank you." Michelle looked like she didn't know how to take his courtesy, but
after another moment, tried to pick up the conversation herself. "So, Eggsy was
telling me you aren't always this fancy, is that right?" She even tried a
smile. "Have McDonald's most nights, then?"
"If Eggsy had his way, I certainly would." Harry didn't miss a beat.
Eggsy pulled a face. "We've still done burgers sometimes anyways, even if
Harry's been a bit picky. I've got to make my toasted cheese sandwiches when I
want, though. Harry ain't taught me how to cook, but I bet he could. Although
I'm in no hurry. It's kinda nice not havin' to cook." Eggsy had meant to be
teasing, but immediately he saw that it had fallen flat. Instead of downplaying
how much he'd been bonding with Harry, Michelle had been reminded of how fancy
Harry's cooking probably was... and the fact that Harry was around to cook for
him, instead of working so often that he had to eat takeout or pre-packaged
convenience foods.
Still, she smiled as though she were going along with it, but even Eggsy could
see through her. "I'm sure you'd think so, but I'd love a cook 'round the
house. Maybe Mr. Hart can teach you a thing or two for when you get back,
yeah?" Here eyes lit up a little at that. Michelle was looking at a brighter
future as she glanced to Eggsy, looking to share that hope with her son.
But Harry spoke up before they could connect. "So long as it has nothing to do
with wine or fire. You wouldn't believe the dismal attempts I made as a youth.
I dare say I nearly burned down my own mother's house." Such a forthcoming
anecdote from the usually reserved Harry had its desired effect. Michelle's
eyes immediately turned to him. He raised a toast. "I recommend the fire
department on call."
"Hey, I ain't set nothin' on fire yet," Eggsy protested. "Unlike someone that
burnt dinner that one time. My record's cleaner than yours." Eggsy hadn't
cooked enough for there to be a fair comparison, but he resented the
implication that he couldn't be trusted to cook. His gaze was thankful as he
met Harry's, however; Eggsy hadn't wanted to answer Michelle's prompt regarding
his return to the flat on Rowley Way, and Harry's interruption had been perfect
for avoiding the disguised question.
It brought a small smile to Harry's face, and Eggsy knew why.
"True," Harry conceded. He turned to Michelle. "I must admit I still get
somewhat over-ambitious with respect to my level of talent in the kitchen."
"Ah." All she could do was nod as though she could imagine Harry setting
anything in his house on fire. They ate in silence for a few minutes more,
minutes in which Michelle spent reflecting that she did not have any cooking
anecdotes applicable to the conversation. Laughing off how awful the chicken
tenders of various microwavable dishes was all well and good with her friends,
but it would be nothing she wanted to bring up in front of neither Harry nor
her son while he lived with the man.
Harry, however, was a little more adept at conversation. "Rhonda's assured me
you've been faring better with the courts lately?"
"Yes," Michelle nodded, "we hope it's finally coming to an end." Even Eggsy
could see that it was a minor relief for her to launch into the situation the
lawyers and the investigators had given her, to talk about her struggle being
almost over while Harry listened attentively.
"So, they know that you've got nothing to do with Dean's stuff?" Eggsy asked.
"I always knew it, it was such boll-... uh, I mean, it was obvious it wasn't
true." Eggsy picked at the food on his plate to cover his awkwardness. It was
one thing to swear in front of Harry, and another to swear in front of his
mother.
"Did... Rhonda or anyone say how things are going to go? Like, are they gonna
say you’re not guilty soon?" Eggsy wanted his mother safe and in the clear.
What he was nervous about was how much she would insist that he come back to
live with her once the legal complications were out of the way. Eggsy knew how
little his opinion mattered should Michelle press for Eggsy to live with her
again.
"Hopefully," Michelle said and she did indeed look hopeful. Enough even to
disregard Eggsy's near slip. "But they're sayin' it'll be a while yet, and it
takes so long for them to schedule hearings.... I just wish it would all be
over. But I think it will be soon, cause they're giving me some leeway now to
see you and Rhonda says that's a good sign. She says they can't keep us apart
forever." Michelle finally found the nerve to form a more convincing smile.
"That is very good news," Harry offered warmly and Michelle seemed to relax at
the kindness. Harry looked for a moment like he was unsure whether to speak any
further. "Rhonda warned me that they'll have to decide whether to press charges
or some such thing regarding your taxes, of which I'd rather not intrude for
details, that may hold up the process after this business with your boyfriend
is through....but I expect not. Probably just a fine and it'll be over."
Michelle looked pained at that. Her smile strained. "Hopefully," was all she
had to say about that.
"Don't know why they'd even try. It's not like we've got a lot of money, and
the dole ain't enough to eat off," Eggsy complained. He remembered the
budgeting all too well, and knowing that he and his mother were both going to
be hungry that month based on what they'd gotten and how much they could afford
to buy. "They should be going after all the posh businesspeople instead of
people who're just strugglin' to get by. No offense, Harry," he added. "I'm
talking about those people who just live off their inheritance and squeezin'
from the lower classes, spendin' all their time overseas or livin' the high
life in the city. They don't give a shit about anyone else."
"Eggsy." Michelle flushed. Harry knew she feared him thinking Eggsy had formed
such opinions from her, and rightly so. She hadn't made any attempt to hide her
views the few times they had met before, but this time she was here only at
Harry's welcome. Or she must have felt like it, at the very least. She glanced
to her son. "I don't think Mr. Hart wants to hear about all that right now."
"Well it's perfectly true," Harry interjected unexpectedly before Eggsy could
voice his displeasure at being chastised for something Michelle had complained
about many times. "You have every right to be angry for doing as much as you
can to get by and losing everything still while the misdeeds of others go
unpunished."
Michelle looked at a loss for words at that.
"You're not like them anyways, so it's not like we're talkin' about you." Eggsy
was content to keep going with that. Harry had no reason to take offense, in
his mind, because he wasn't in the same category that Eggsy used to think
about. Not anymore. Eggsy had been so convinced that the upper classes were all
against the poorer ones that it had taken an exception to open him up to the
idea that not every rich person was an enemy.
Michelle's eyes drifted between Eggsy and Harry.
"I am glad you think so," Harry gave Eggsy a warm nod, "but it doesn't matter
whether I might be offended or not."
Michelle frowned and cut another slice of steak to distract from her
expression. Her shoulders held a very subtle droop. Harry was being so kind. He
and Eggsy were getting along. Everything Michelle had against Harry, Eggsy was
already forgiving him for.
Conversation settled while they ate in silence, Harry bringing up small talk
every now and again to fill in the spaces before it became obvious, but
Michelle's responses grew quieter.
Eggsy could sense that the mood was dropping, but not why. Harry and Michelle
hadn't gotten into a fight, and he was getting along with both of them just
fine, so the boy couldn't understand why the atmosphere of the room was getting
more and more claustrophobic. Once everyone's plates were clean, Eggsy got up
to help clear the place settings. He knew that Harry had made a dessert, and he
was eager to pull his own weight and show how comfortable he was living there.
Eggsy took a moment to breathe once he dumped a few dishes into the sink for
cleanup. His heart was racing, even though Michelle hadn't grilled him or
pressured him about coming home.
He heard Harry mention something about said dessert and a moment later Harry
stepped into the divide of the kitchen. Michelle could still see them over the
counter top, but she remained where she was. Harry moved around Eggsy without
hesitation to bring down new plates, open the fridge, and begin dishing up
flummery pudding. With just a motion, he had Eggsy retrieving the silverware,
and when Harry stepped around him to get back to the fridge, Eggsy felt the
squeeze of Harry's hand around his hip. Harry didn't look at him, didn't make
any motion that might draw Michelle's attention from her view over the counter,
but the reassurance in Harry's touch was quite clear.
Eggsy didn't dare try to return the touch. He knew that he was being watched,
and that Michelle would become suspicious or take it as a sign that Harry was
replacing her. He kept himself to helping Harry plate the dessert - some sort
of tart that was rich, but not rich enough to be too posh or embarrass Michelle
- and carrying the plates back out into the dining room. Eggsy couldn't keep
himself from staying as close to Harry as he could manage; even if he couldn't
touch Harry, being close was the next best thing. It made the boy ache, but he
managed not to close the distance.
Michelle thanked Harry when he and Eggsy laid down the desserts. She even
commented on how good it was, and it was good, but Eggsy could tell she was
just being polite. Conversation remained as stilted as it had been until their
plates were cleared and their stomachs were full.
It was Harry who rose to take away the dishes that time, and the atmosphere
began to change once again. They were reaching the end of what custom usually
allowed for in their little meeting, and even Eggsy could feel it. But as Harry
returned from the kitchen, Michelle leaned forward and put her hands on the
table, took a slow breath, and gazed at him calmly.
"Do you think it would be okay if I were to take Eggsy on a walk 'round the
neighbourhood, just for a minute?"
Eggsy was immediately nervous. He was sharp enough to know what this was - a
chance to get him away from Harry. Eggsy didn't know exactly what that might
entail, but he was certain part of it was going to include talking to his
mother about uncomfortable subjects without any sort of backup.
The boy's gaze flickered back and forth between Harry and Michelle. "I... I
mean, I guess it's up to Harry, if he thinks it's ok."
Harry laid his hands carefully against the back of his chair. "I think that
would be fine, for a short while." His pleasant demeanour didn't crack, but
Eggsy knew Harry must see his fear and must recognise the situation as the very
one they had talked about before Michelle's visit. And still Harry did nothing.
"I'll get your coat, Eggsy." And with that, Harry made for the hall, stopping
only to pick up his briefcase along the way.
Once Harry was out of the room, Michelle took a deep breath. She met Eggsy's
eyes and let him see how tense she was, communicating wordlessly how glad she
would be when they were out of the house.
Harry returned only moments later with Eggsy's jacket on his arm. "There you
are. I suggest the gardens across the street, lovely for a walk even at this
hour," he told Michelle, who rose and nodded her thanks.
Eggsy had no choice but to follow his mother down the hall and through the
door. He gave Harry one uneasy glance before the door shut behind them and
Eggsy was left to walk with his mother.
The relationship between Eggsy and his mother had never been smooth even in the
best of times. There were simply too many stressors and complications in their
lives. They were very different people, as well, and while some families made
those differences work, Michelle and Eggsy had not yet gotten the chance to
come to those sorts of agreements. Eggsy fell into stride beside his mother and
didn't know what to say or do. What was there to say, after all, to someone he
loved, who he felt didn't accept him and would strive to oppose everything he
wanted to happen in his life?
Michelle looked around for a minute then made for the street corner, dismissing
Harry's suggestion of the small park opposite the end of the mew. She made sure
Eggsy was following until they reached a cafe with a few tables and chairs set
up along the walk and pulled him into one. She gave a great sigh as she sat
down, apparently not noticing Eggsy's discomfort for what it was even though
she looked him up and down once he was settled opposite her. She reached across
the table to catch his hands.
"Eggsy, baby, are you alright here?"
"Yeah, mum. I'm fine." His mother's babying just made Eggsy more uncomfortable.
It felt like Michelle was more concerned about her own feelings about Harry,
and trying to find a way to justify them, than in really asking how he was.
Michelle's fingers squeezed around his hands and Eggsy tried not to flinch and
duck his head. "Everythin's just fine. I get to see my friends, I'm doin' ok in
school, it's all good. It's not like Harry's a monster or somethin'."
Her brows knit together. "I know he's nice, Eggsy, but we barely even know this
man. I just...I just really miss you an' I'd rather you were home. Been so
quiet without you, it's strange." She gave him a small, hopeful smile. "I just
want my son back. Don't care what I have to pay in court. I don't know how it's
gonna work out, but that doesn't matter." Eggsy didn't squeeze her hand back,
but she didn't let go.
"Mum..." Part of Michelle's words dug at Eggsy in the wrong way. He nearly
squirmed in his seat in response to the way her attention settled on him. "It's
been weird without you, too, but... it's not true. That bit, I mean. You barely
know him, but I've been livin' with him and I'm startin' to. I know you don't
like him 'cause of dad, but I do like him."
Michelle's face fell and she let Eggsy's hand slide free. She put her hand to
her head. "This isn't just about him. All these things that have been happening
to us...it's been so stressful. I just want you back and I can't.... Eggsy, I
just don't trust nobody right now. There's just too much going on. Why is he so
nice? What does he have to get out of this? Nobody just helps you out of the
kindness of their hearts, not like this. I don't care what he says about
knowing your father. Your father had family that wouldn't even help us out."
Michelle sighed and rubbed at her temple, her body sinking into the chair. "I'm
glad you're ok. An' I'm glad he's nice. I just don't know what I'd do if
something ever happened to you."
"Well, maybe dad's family wouldn't help 'cause they're rubbish." They were, as
far as Eggsy was concerned. None of them had featured in his life after his
father had died, and his mother's family hadn't been much better. His aunt
Susan had been terrible. Eggsy could feel himself growing more upset as he
thought about it: the way family had treated him, and how Harry was under
suspicion for not being blood. His throat closed up and tears rimmed his eyes.
"Maybe he's nice 'cause he's actually a nice person, but nobody gives him a
break 'cause they think he's just another posh arsehole. He don't seem to have
any family left, kinda like us, since dad's family won't give us the time of
day and we don't have Nanna no more, and Aunt Sue is too busy for us. Nothin'
bad is happening to me, and I ain't gone nowhere, but you're mad at Harry when
you should be mad at Dean."
Michelle looked like she'd been slapped. "Dean didn't try to get us into this
mess, it was his mess, not ours, an' he's been tryin'a help me out of it, not
tryin' to take you away from me." Her voice rose and her words. "If Hart was so
goddamn nice he'd have asked me first, he'd have come to me. I'm your mother
an' no one is gonna take my son away from me."
Across the street, over Michelle's shoulder, Eggsy caught sight of a police
officer heading in their direction.
"Maybe you shouldn't pick such rotten people for boyfriends!" Eggsy snapped
back. "It ain't my fault, or Harry's fault, that you've brought people into the
flat who hit you and steal shit and sell drugs. Harry ain't the one takin' me
away from you. You're doing a bangup job of that all by yourself, mum."
Eggsy felt frigid at that point. His vision was too watery to be able to see
clearly, and he was scared from having really, truly stood up to his mother for
the first time in his life. Eggsy saw a motion that must have been Michelle
trying to take his hands and he immediately yanked them back into his lap.
"Is that what he's been sayin'?" Michelle gripped the table and opened her
mouth again, but a voice from behind interrupted her.
"Ma'am?"
Michelle whirled around to find an officer standing behind her, his gaze moving
from her to Eggsy and back again. Visibly, Michelle tensed.
"Is this your son?" She nodded. "I just got a call in about a noise complaint.
I'm going to have to ask you to move on."
"Oh, okay..." With shaking hands, Michelle pushed her chair back and stood,
beckoning Eggsy to follow while the officer watched her. "We'll be out of your
way."
"I suggest you get home."
"Right. Sorry." Michelle clutched Eggsy's hand and set off at a stiff pace back
toward Harry's house, shoulders tense and silent.
Eggsy was just as silent. He hadn't missed the bit of accusation Michelle had
let slip, and he wasn't about to forget it. The idea that Michelle thought
Harry was telling him what to say and deliberately sabotaging their
relationship made Eggsy furious.
The situation was all the more unfair for the fact that Eggsy loved them. Eggsy
loved them both, but right then, his mother was not his favorite person in the
world, and he hadn't forgotten how badly she'd reacted when learning he was
gay. That only made him all the more wary, because if Michelle was suspicious
enough to see manipulation attempts to sour their relationship, she might be
suspicious enough to wonder if Harry was more than a friend.
Eggsy could feel Michelle's hand trembling and he didn't know if it was from
anger or from fear of that police officer. Perhaps it was a little of both.
They turned into the mew and stopped. Harry's house stood at the end, lights on
inside like a little beacon amid the wall of houses to either side. Michelle
didn't move forward, not even when Eggsy looked up at her.
It was clear what she was thinking. She didn't want to send him back. She had
his hand in hers right then, she could take Eggsy with her and damn the courts.
"Eggsy...." She glanced down at him and he could see the tumultuous battle in
her eyes. But then a figure stepped to the window of Harry's balcony. They both
saw it, the silhouette of Harry looking down over the street, right at them.
Just for a moment, Eggsy was afraid. He'd been afraid of his mother before, but
that had mostly been about whether he was going to get into trouble for poor
marks, or shoplifting, or skipping school to go with his friends. Her initial
poor reaction to learning that he was gay had been the first time he was afraid
of her and what she was going to do, and now Eggsy was afraid again. If she
tried to take him with her, Eggsy wasn't sure what might happen to the both of
them. Michelle's reactions were making it clear that she didn't put much weight
behind what Eggsy wanted.
Eggsy didn't want to see his mother hurt, and he was pretty certain that taking
him when she was in trouble was the worst possible idea, beyond the fact that
she didn't care how Eggsy felt about it. She could get arrested and in more
trouble, and Eggsy was pretty certain that she wouldn't be allowed to have any
more visitation days.
She swallowed, her eyes on Harry, and began walking again back toward the
house. It was a little eerie how he'd come out like that right when they turned
the corner, right when Eggsy needed him. But Eggsy wasn't in danger of being
kidnapped by his own mother anymore, and that coincidence had been fortunate.
Harry moved away from the window as they approached the house, and when
Michelle opened the door, they found him coming down the stairs. He looked just
as calm and inviting as when they'd left.
"Ah, welcome back. I hope your walk was well?" Harry inquired as Michelle let
Eggsy go so he could take off his coat.
"It was fine. But I'd best be on my way." Michelle sounded tense and hollow at
the same time.
"Very well then." Harry picked up her umbrella and handed it to her. "Do let me
know when you'll be visiting again and you'll be welcome."
She stood a little straighter and stared at him in the most unnerving manner,
like she was trying to read him and wasn't at all shy about showing it any
longer. Nothing was forthcoming though. Harry's expression didn't change.
Michelle nodded and gave him a small “Thank you,” before she turned to Eggsy.
"I'll see you soon, honey." Those were her last words to him before she stepped
back out the door.
Eggsy watched her head back down the drive with a sense of loss. He felt ripped
apart. His mother was walking away from him, in part because she had to, but
for other reasons too. Their conversation hadn't had anything to do with how
Eggsy was doing and feeling, really, but how Michelle had felt and what she
wanted. She hadn't even asked him the question that he'd been dreading, because
Michelle had assumed that Eggsy would want to come back with her and would
follow her lead. She assumed that he would want what she wanted.
Harry closed the door, and it was only a space of a few heartbeats before Eggsy
threw himself against Harry's side and buried his face against Harry's shirt
front.
Strong arms wrapped around him and Harry held him right there in the front
hall. "I'm so sorry, Eggsy," Harry said as though he could have possibly known
what Michelle had said. Maybe it was just that obvious.
With one motion, Harry bent and scooped Eggsy up into his arms, legs wrapped
around his middle, and held Eggsy's head to his chest. Harry carried him down
the hall and into the living room before he settled down on the couch with
Eggsy wrapped around him.
Minutes passed before Eggsy felt up to talking. Harry didn't press him, just
let him stay as close as he wanted while holding him and stroking one soothing
hand down Eggsy's back.
"She didn't even ask me," the boy said, when he finally found his voice again.
Thickened and slurred with emotion as it was, Harry had to concentrate to
discern what Eggsy was saying. "Didn't even ask. Just like always, it don't
matter what I think. If I don't agree with her, somethin's wrong with me, or
someone's trickin' me. She kept being mean about you and when I wasn't havin'
it, she... she thought you were tellin' me stuff to say. Like you were some, I
dunno, some evil mastermind in some movie, doin' stuff to mess with her just
because."
"Oh." Harry turned his head to peer down at Eggsy, but then his fingers began
to card through Eggsy's hair. "I'm so very sorry." Harry kissed his temple and
held him tighter. "I care for you, Eggsy, no matter what she thinks. I mean
that," Harry whispered. He didn't seem to like the thought of Michelle telling
Eggsy such things either. Harry's embrace was everything Michelle's wasn't. He
paid attention to Eggsy, real attention. He didn't pretend to be Eggsy's
father. Harry had made it clear he didn't want to. He didn't want to be a
parent and so far that was working out just fine.
"I know, I just. Why does she think I'm stupid?" Eggsy turned his head until he
could look at Harry. "Everyone always thinks kids are so dumb, 'specially kids
like me. People talk like you ain't there, make decisions for you like you
ain't got a brain and can't be trusted, and when they do bother talkin' to you,
it's like you're a baby. Or maybe a dog, like a pet or somethin'. Mum never
asked me how I felt about her boyfriends she brought home, and Aunt Sue never
asked me how I felt about changin' schools or about gettin' rid of me, and now
mum doesn't care what I think or what I wanna do, and she thinks I'm so stupid
that you're telling me what to do. And it's all just 'cause she don't like you
and isn't gettin' her way, and..."
Eggsy lost a bit of his fire and curled closer to Harry, his head tucked again.
"'m tired of everyone makin' decisions for me and tellin' me what to do, 'stead
of askin' me," the boy murmured.
"I know," Harry soothed. "She's worried for you, but that doesn't mean it's
fair. And what your aunt tried to do was frankly despicable. Your mother is
used to taking care of you, whether you like it or not, and whether she does a
particularly good job of it or not, I'm sorry to say." Harry stroked circles
down Eggsy's back and thought for a minute before he spoke again. "I've had a
talk with the judge overseeing your mother's case, unofficially. I know your
mother was rather optimistic tonight, and it's true that the investigation will
likely be dropped, but I've been told that the process, whichever direction it
goes, will move far more slowly than Michelle might be anticipating."
"She won't let me see you anymore, if I go back." Eggsy was sure of that now.
Michelle had been upset about him being friends with Harry in the first place,
regardless of the fact that Harry had taken care of him when things had been
dire. She was resentful of Harry still, maybe even especially, now that Harry
had taken care of him when Michelle wasn't allowed to and his aunt didn't want
him. The moment Eggsy went back to Rowley Way, the boy was certain that his
mother wouldn't let Harry visit or let him visit Harry.
And Eggsy had talked to enough friends to know that there was nothing you could
do about adults being unreasonable. Not if you were just a kid.
"Likely not," Harry agreed. His fingers curled through Eggsy's hair with an
idle sort of tenderness. "Let me look into the legal avenues here.... If you
would really rather stay with me, and your feelings on the matter remain for as
long as it takes for this investigation to end and for your mother's penalty
with the government to be confirmed, there might be a way I could contest her
for your guardianship. It would be a long shot, and I'm not certain yet,
but...it's possible."
Eggsy nodded. Of the options, that sounded like it was the best one. If he went
back to Rowley Way, he'd not be allowed to see Harry, and he'd have to deal
with his mother's disapproval of his sexuality. His friends from school would
be scrutinized even more, he'd go back to being hungry all the time, and his
mother would get another boyfriend who'd probably be just as rotten as Dean.
That was assuming that she didn't take Dean back.
If he stayed, Eggsy would be able to have everything that he wanted, including
being able to see his mother. He didn't think that Harry would ever tell him
that he couldn't. "Y-yeah. I still want to stay."
"Okay. Then I'll see what I can do. Whatever happens, it won't be all at once.
You'll be able to change your mind if you want to." Harry offered a small smile
down to Eggsy who had his head turned up in the crook of Harry's chest and
shoulder. "But I must admit, I would like to keep you." Harry's eyes grew so
soft in that moment, crinkling at the corners and smoothing the furrow in his
brows. He ran a finger down the bridge of Eggsy's nose, a gesture oddly
intimate, yet devoid of ulterior intentions.
Eggsy didn't know how to respond to that. Harry was looking at him in such a
way that Eggsy couldn't doubt that Harry cared for him, if doubts ever occurred
to the boy. He knew that Harry was good at keeping his promises. If Harry said
he was going to see what he could do, Eggsy was beginning to feel like that
meant it would happen. He'd yet to see Harry fail. Even when he'd gotten mugged
overseas, he'd still done whatever he went over there to do, as far as Eggsy
knew.
But the words rubbed at Eggsy the wrong way. "It... ain't really keeping,
though. If I'm pickin' to stay here with you," the boy pointed out. "That's me
choosin' to be here, not being kept."
Harry gave a small chuckle. "Well I'm glad you think of it that way. I'd much
rather you choose to be here if you're going to be here. The last thing I want
to do is become your mother." He was smiling now, looking down at Eggsy, and
there was truth to Harry's words. Nothing Harry had done would encourage Eggsy
to choose otherwise, and Harry had usually given him the option whenever he
made an offer. Harry must have liked something about Eggsy's expression, the
determined set of his brow, or his pout, because Harry got that look in his eye
he sometimes did when he especially wanted to get close to Eggsy.
"I don't want you to be my mother either. I'm glad you don't try. Not just
'cause that'd be weird," Eggsy interjected. He shifted a bit, enough to set one
ear flat against Harry's chest. There was something comforting about the sound,
warm and constant and present. Harry's pulse was rapid, and Eggsy knew enough
about what that meant that an impish little smile touched his lips. "I like
that you don't treat me like a kid. You don't talk down to me and give me no
choices but the ones you want."
Harry bent his head and smiled into the crown of Eggsy's. "That would be rather
counter-intuitive to me liking you," Harry admitted. It made a strange kind of
sense. Harry approached Eggsy from a completely different angle than anyone
ever had before. Michelle may have loved him because she was his mother, but
she saw herself as a mother first and foremost, when she wasn't fucking it up
due to her own stress and avoidance. Eggsy was bound to her by law and by
blood, and Harry had no such claim over him. Harry...needed Eggsy to like him
if he wanted Eggsy around.
"Well, I'm glad you do." Eggsy was feeling better already. He'd feel the weight
of his unhappiness later, thinking about his mother and everything that had
transpired, but right then he was sitting on Harry's lap. Harry was warm, and
affectionate, and just a bit excited. Eggsy might not have control over much,
but he felt like he had control with what lay between Harry and himself. He
wasn't so naive not to realize that it was Harry giving him control, but that
was still a sense of power Eggsy could have for himself.
The boy decided to use it. Partly, Eggsy just wanted to forget about what had
happened. Partly, he wanted to see Harry unravelled and feel the pride of
knowing it was because of him. Part of Eggsy also enjoyed what they'd been
doing together and he wanted a bit more right then. Eggsy's hand snuck lower
while he thought Harry was distracted, and within a matter of seconds the boy's
hand had slipped beneath Harry's waistband.
Harry let out a soft sound when Eggsy's hand encountered flesh. Eggsy looked so
sweet pressed against his chest, looking up at him so innocently, with his hand
disappearing down Harry's trousers.
Harry's lips curled. "Is this your way of showing me just how much you
appreciate me?" Eggsy felt Harry's fingers at the back of his neck. He felt
Harry's hips shift under him, allowing for more space for Eggsy's hand. Harry's
knees parted. He could have bent down to kiss Eggsy, but Harry liked watching
him just as he was. Harry's length was quickly stiffening in Eggsy's hand.
"You know that anyways. I'm just windin' you up a bit." The more they did this,
the easier it seemed to get. Eggsy remembered being afraid to touch Harry, not
knowing if he might accidentally hurt him or do something the older man didn't
like. The size difference between them had also been intimidating. Still was,
truth be told, but Harry had enjoyed Eggsy's hands on him enough that Eggsy now
felt safe taking a bit of initiative, if not entirely confident with what he
was doing.
"And what do you plan to do with me once I'm all wound up?" Harry asked, his
voice growing richer with every stroke and squeeze of Eggsy's hand. "Wind me up
and let me go? Is that your plan?" Finally Harry bent to nuzzle along Eggsy's
cheek before he nipped at the boy's ear. His hips began rocking into the little
strokes. "Would you like to see how long it would take me before I turn us
around and press you into this couch?" His tongue flicked against Eggsy's skin,
mimicking the timing of his hips.
"Would that take very long? 'Cause it don't look like it." Eggsy felt a little
jolt of a thrill at the way Harry was playing along, even giving him little
hints of danger. The boy didn't believe that Harry would ever actually lose
control, or make him do anything that Eggsy didn't want to do. "That's the down
side, I guess. It don't take you very long and then you get tired out for
awhile."
Only after the words were out of Eggsy's mouth did he listen to what he was
saying and flush, realizing that Harry might take offense. "I... I just. I did
twice in a row, when you were gone and all, but you don't seem to do that."
Harry just laughed. "Did you, now?" The spark in his eye took on a little more
intensity. "It's a little different when you're older, when your body starts
changing, you'll notice. It takes a little longer to recover." Harry's breath
hitched and his hips snapped up, the mere thought of it getting him excited.
Before Eggsy knew it, he was lying with his back against the couch and Harry
above him, his hand still down Harry's trousers, caught between their bodies.
The groan Harry made was so low it might have almost been a growl. "How many
times do you think I could make you come in a night?" he asked, careful with
his weight all the while.
Eggsy's eyes widened, but not from fright. This was a game in his mind. Harry
liked to play at holding him down and pinning him in place, and Eggsy would
tease him in return. Eggsy took a moment to do just that, wriggling until he
managed to slide his hand up a bit. Eggsy’s thumb pressed against the tip of
Harry's cock, and he was rewarded with another groan and Harry shifting his
hips just a little bit more. "I... I d-dunno. I ain't really thought about it
before, not seriously. Um... maybe five?"
Harry grinned into his neck. "Sounds like a challenge, if you think you can
handle it." Harry's hands spread Eggsy's knees apart so they fell around his
waist. Even with Eggsy's hand between them, Harry laid his weight over Eggsy's
hips and with every shallow press, gave Eggsy a bit of friction as well.
Once again Harry had no qualms over distracting Eggsy from his disappointment
in the situation with his mother.
Chapter End Notes
     So sorry for that kind of a cliffhanger! ...but you're sure going to
     love next week's chapter. ;)
***** Chapter 17 *****
Harry's hands fell to the hem of Eggsy's shirt and he pulled it up to get at
the soft flesh beneath that he seemed to love touching so much. Eggsy's
trousers were next, and those Harry had to shift to remove. Only reluctantly
did he pull away from Eggsy's grasp in order to get the boy's clothes off, but
once Eggsy was bare underneath him, Harry pressed himself back down atop Eggsy
and began moving lower.
Eggsy hadn't really expected Harry to go with the idea. Perhaps he should have.
Eggsy's thoughts had gotten increasingly incoherent from the moment Harry had
flashed him a wicked grin and begun to remove his clothing, and now that he was
moving lower Eggsy's thoughts all shifted to one particular focus. His mother
was completely forgotten in a trail of nips and kisses. Harry took his time,
pausing here and there to sample a taste of the skin that always drew his
hands. After a few moments Eggsy realized that Harry was being deliberately
slow as a tease.
Eggsy just about groaned. "Harry, you're gonna kill me."
"Am I?" Harry asked. "I think that might be a little overdramatic." He was so
calm, so posh. When Eggsy looked down the length of his body, he found Harry
hovering over his hips with nothing more than a pleasant look about him and a
wandering hand under Eggsy's rear. "You must know the expression 'good things
come to those who wait'." Harry bent his head to lick a stripe of skin between
Eggsy's hip and right where he wanted Harry without breaking eye contact. Harry
kissed the spot, moving slowly closer.
Eggsy made a noise of frustration. "But I don't wanna wait. 'sides, weren't you
the one goin' on about... y'know, how tempted you were, and how you were gonna
push me down on the sofa?" Eggsy blushed harder as he spoke; evidently he still
wasn't used to actually talking about sex, which wasn't much of a surprise
considering his age and popular attitudes about such things. Harry had had time
to become comfortable with and desensitized to sex.
"Oh, I intend to. But not before I make you want it just as much as I do."
Harry's lips curved to hear Eggsy's uncertainty. "And I know one way of making
sure of that."
Finally Eggsy felt the press of Harry's lips to the base of his erection.
Harry's tongue flicked out, tasting the skin and giving Eggsy a sensation that
was not nearly enough, but glorious all the same. Harry's hands caught his hips
and kept him pinned, looking up at him while Harry played with his little cock.
To someone who was still more or less an innocent, the sight was filthy. Harry
was still dressed, and the juxtaposition of fine clothing next to Eggsy's own
bare form was a shock of contrast. So was Harry's mouth, lingering and teasing
at the base in small, delicate movements when it was clear that Harry could
easily swallow him whole. Had, even, and the memory surfaced right on cue and
sent Eggsy's blood south.
Harry opened his mouth again to trail his tongue in a slow, deliberate line up
along the underside of Eggsy's cock and the boy whimpered. Eggsy knew what he
wanted, but he was still too embarrassed to ask.
Harry's lips closed over the head of it and he sucked lightly. Eggsy even felt
his tongue circling the little tip and pressing against it. It looked like
Harry wasn't going to make him beg after all because Harry kept eye contact and
slowly, very slowly, sank down the scant few inches of Eggsy's cock while
making sure Eggsy watched all the while. Once there, he let his tongue swirl
again and then increased the sucking pressure. Harry never let go of Eggsy's
gaze. If Eggsy had wanted to look away, he got the distinct impression Harry
might pinch him until he looked back down again.
Eggsy couldn't stop watching. Something about seeing Harry this way was
mesmerizing. The older man still looked as if he had walked right out of a
fashion magazine targeted towards a conservative, elite aesthetic, and the
sensual mouth that always was so full of polite, proper diction was, instead,
full of him. Eggsy's mouth dropped open a bit. He couldn't help but reach down.
It wasn't enough to see and feel Harry; Eggsy wanted to touch him as well.
Eggsy's fingers encountering Harry's temple was the only thing that finally did
get the man's eyes to close. The pleasure that crossed Harry's face was
undeniable. He turned his head into Eggsy's hand, letting the boy touch where
he liked, even smoothing his fingers into Harry's neat hair. The sensations
Harry created with his tongue were Eggsy's reward.
Harry didn't have to bob his head much, but that certainly wasn't a drawback.
The pace of his sucking increased very slowly, but steadily.
The drawn-out pace was what kept Eggsy right on the edge. Too fast, and Eggsy
would have succumbed to overstimulation and climaxed quickly. A slow rhythm
gave Eggsy's body time to adjust and constantly want just a little bit more -
more speed, more suction, a bit more friction.
Harry had more patience than Eggsy did. Eggsy was small enough that, unless
Harry pulled back a bit, there was no way for him to try to thrust into Harry's
mouth or pull his head down. Minutes passed, and more, and eventually the older
man had Eggsy panting, a warm flush of color in his cheeks and chest. Small
fingers had laced tightly into dark hair and showed no signs of letting go any
time soon.
Harry's eyes flashed up at him again and this time they looked darker. Eggsy
couldn't be sure it wasn't a trick of the light, but with Harry's intent behind
them....he was sure he wasn't misinterpreting that.
Harry picked up the pace quickly, eyes locked on Eggsy. He gripped Eggsy's hips
like he was about to pull his body up to Harry's mouth if he needed to. There
was a certain kind of satisfaction behind Harry's gaze as he watched Eggsy's
mouth fall open and felt his body begin to tremble. Eggsy strained against him
and Harry met the effort with only more force of his tongue.
"Harry, I-" Eggsy's voice cut off as his body tensed one last time. Harry felt
the boy arch, pushing against the sofa to try to get closer, but there wasn't
anywhere else to go. Harry had already taken him down to the root. Eggsy went
still, and the cock in Harry's mouth twitched in reflex for something he was
still too young to accomplish.
After a few seconds of frozen ecstasy Eggsy relaxed all at once. He let go of
the breath he'd been holding and loosened his death grip on Harry.
Harry released Eggsy and placed a kiss to his hip, but didn't move from there.
There was anticipation in his eyes as he watched Eggsy come down, pressing idle
massages into the opposite side of Eggsy's hip where his fingers curled to hold
the boy down.
"Beautiful," Harry whispered like it was an afterthought, like he was talking
to himself more than he was to Eggsy. "You have no idea." Another kiss went to
the line where Eggsy's thigh met his hip.
Eggsy looked down at Harry with a sedated, happy expression. He was still dazed
from coming back down, soaking in oxytocin. A smile lit up his face as he
focused on Harry, and he began to smooth his fingers through the older man's
hair. "So're you, y'know," Eggsy murmured back. "You're... you gotta know,
don't you?"
Harry gave a soft, short chuckle. "I know enough." Harry's smile turned a
little funny and it was strangely out of place before the unnamed quality was
gone again. Harry pressed more kisses to Eggsy's lower stomach. "I am certainly
glad you think so," and his eyes were warm when they looked back up at Eggsy,
softer than they had been before. Harry reached to his neck and loosened his
tie before he pulled it free. He unbuttoned the collar of his shirt, but left
it like that, a tempting line of skin dipping down to his chest just for Eggsy
to see before he bent his head and nuzzled at Eggsy's hip. "That was number
one," Harry said softly, and before Eggsy could realise what he was talking
about, he licked another stripe up Eggsy's half hard cock and took it into his
mouth.
Harry's mouth brought the memory back: five. He'd gone and said he could take
five rounds. Eggsy hadn't really been thinking too seriously about that when
he'd tossed the number out, because he hadn't thought Harry would really follow
up on the notion.
Except he was, and soon enough after the first that Eggsy's skin was still
tingling and oversensitive. A whine escaped his throat and he writhed until
Harry shifted his body and pressed down a bit more with his weight, and Eggsy
found himself pinned. There was nowhere to go.
Harry didn't move off even when Eggsy squirmed. He started slowly again though,
and that was only a minor relief. Eggsy could quickly tell that this time
wasn't going to be as drawn out as the last, however. His body was already
ramped up for the point of climax and Harry was only taking his time not to
overwhelm him and make it painful.
Harry's strong hands wrapped around Eggsy's backside, kneading while he worked,
and Eggsy knew that wasn't just to keep him down. Harry was enjoying this.
Eggsy knew Harry liked touching him, but it was never so clear as it was now in
the way Harry pressed his face between Eggsy's legs and revelled in the feel of
his arse.
Worship, that was what this felt like. As Harry kept going, Eggsy's
hypersensitivity began to wear off and he began to relax. The fact that he
couldn't move didn't bother him, because he didn't want to. He watched with
something akin to awe while Harry savored every moment. Eggsy felt Harry's
hands move and one finger begin to trace a line down his cleft. Eggsy tried to
buck, all in vain, but now the boy's attention was split in two.
Harry's finger dipped down to trace around the muscle hidden there. He pressed
only lightly, and it was dry, but now that Eggsy had the knowledge of what it
could feel like with that finger inside him, rubbing against the place that
drove him mad, the sensation was a tease. Harry left it eventually to rub a
little lower, and Eggsy knew now what he intended to do when he stopped between
that ring of muscle and Eggsy's balls. Sure enough, Harry's fingers pressing up
against the tender flesh brought a new and increasingly familiar sensation into
the mix.
Eggsy strained to move. He couldn't have said if he was trying to get more or
trying to get away; everything ran together in his mind in a tangle of
sensation. Harry didn't let him budge an inch, nor dictate the pace, and after
a while Eggsy started to babble. "H-Harry. Harry, I can't-... God, just, c'mon.
I-..."
Eggsy's voice grew strained, and after a few more seconds Harry heard a quiet
“fuck” roll off of Eggsy's tongue.
Harry, to his surprise, groaned. The way Eggsy had said it, Harry liked it. But
Eggsy didn't have time to think long on that when Harry picked up the pace,
focusing the sucking heat of his mouth into the rhythm Eggsy needed while his
finger pressed in slower counterpoint against that spot somewhere inside him.
It was a combination meant to take Eggsy over and it was doing the trick,
bringing his body right back to the precipice it had fallen over only minutes
ago.
Eggsy's small body jerked under Harry, and Harry felt the cock in his mouth
harden just a bit further as the boy's second climax overcame him. Eggsy gave a
choked off cry, and after a few seconds he went limp. This time he seemed even
more relaxed than before, his eyes closed while he tried to catch his breath.
Eggsy's heart was pounding; Harry could feel his pulse humming in the femoral
arteries in the boy's thighs.
Harry pulled off and loosened his hold on Eggsy. He placed more kisses over
Eggsy's stomach and the boy felt them in a haze. His chest was heaving and
Harry laid his head over it. Like he was feeling that Eggsy was alive. Gently,
Harry's hand stroked down Eggsy's side. After another minute for Eggsy to catch
his breath, Harry lifted himself to place a kiss upon Eggsy's lips, slow and
languid. His hand reached over the side of the couch and fumbled around for
something. Harry's briefcase, Eggsy realised, but when Harry straightened
again, he was holding a bottle of lubricant.
Eggsy blinked. It took him a moment to recognize the object and piece together
what it implied. When he did, a little smile tugged at his mouth. "...oh. Is
that for...? Fingers, like before?" Eggsy felt warm and relaxed all over, but
he remembered how good Harry's fingers had felt. Harry knew what he was doing,
and if the man was intent on holding him to a count of five, fingers sounded
like a good idea. Eggsy still felt fine, but too much pressure on the outside
was bound to leave him feeling sore later.
"Mmhm." Harry quirked a smile. "Seeing as how you've become such an ambitious
little thing...." The popped the cap and let Eggsy watch him spread the liquid
over his fingertips. Harry nudged Eggsy's legs apart and reached down between
them. He ignored Eggsy's cock, and right then that was probably for the best,
instead slipping his fingers right where they'd been before, painting lube
between Eggsy's cheeks and over that ring of muscle. With a little more added,
Eggsy felt Harry's finger begin to press inside.
The process went quicker than before. That may have been reflective of the fact
that Eggsy had experienced this a few times now, but it was far more likely
that the boy's current state made things easier. Two climaxes had left Eggsy
pliant and awash in endorphins; he still felt Harry's finger breach him and the
slide of skin against muscle, but he no longer found it alarming and alien. It
didn't seem to burn at all, and before long Harry could move his finger quite
easily.
When Eggsy began watching with interest, Harry got to work. His strokes
searched out the spot inside Eggsy that had him squirming again and slowly
Harry resumed his pace. He drew himself down Eggsy's body and again took
Eggsy's erection into his mouth.
This time the sensations together were almost overwhelming. Eggsy's body was
still buzzing from his last climax. It should have been harder to get him going
again, but it wasn't. Not with Harry doing what he was doing with both his
finger and his mouth. Not with the way his hair was starting to fall in his
face and give him that dishevelled look Eggsy loved.
And not, most particularly, when his youth was considered. Eggsy wasn't old
enough for his body to completely spend itself in climax, so refraction was
minimal. Eggsy no longer writhed with quite the same energy, but he was gamely
keeping up. He looked down like he couldn't get enough of the sight of Harry,
and his eyes lingered on the length of neck left exposed after Harry had
loosened his tie and collar. Eggsy began fantasizing again, undressing Harry
with his mind and pretending that he was feeling more than just a finger.
Harry moved like he was privy to Eggsy's thoughts, turning his head just a
little while he thrust with his tongue so that Eggsy could see more. Eggsy
noticed that Harry was draped over the couch with his legs half atop it and his
hips pressed into the cushion, not grinding, but definitely pressing. If Harry
had been moving like that, it would have almost meshed with Eggsy's fantasy.
When Eggsy bit his lip and his body began to tense and squirm into Harry's
strokes, Harry quickened the pace again. As soon as he thought Eggsy was ready,
it became a ruthless motion, designed for only one outcome.
Harry felt the body around his finger clench tighter, and this time it was
fortunate that Harry's house had been soundproofed. Instead of holding his
breath or gasping, Eggsy gave a cry that was loud enough that someone might
have heard it and been concerned. Most adults were familiar with the sounds
associated with sex, and no one would be expecting to hear such a cry from a
child's voice.
Eggsy reached out blindly as he came back down, seeking out Harry and trying to
pull him closer.
He caught the man and managed to bring him up to Eggsy's level, he found Harry
grinning with delight in his eyes. Eggsy clung to him and Harry lavished kisses
over his cheeks and collarbone. He held the back of Eggsy's head and caressed
his skin. Most notably though, Harry watched Eggsy's face, gauging what he was
feeling.
There were beads of sweat on Eggsy's temples now and there was certainly a
heavy flush to his skin. Harry's eyes lingered on his cheeks and even the tips
of his ears with an expression that looked a lot like pride. And hunger.
Harry drew closer, right up against Eggsy's mouth. "You've been biting your
lip," he said, catching the bottom one lightly between his own teeth.
"Yeah, well, you've been givin' me reason too," Eggsy shot back. He was tired,
but not quite tired enough to not sass back, something that had been happening
more often the longer he was with Harry and the more comfortable he became.
Harry was doing his best to instill confidence in Eggsy, and as he succeeded,
Eggsy’s shyness had begun to melt away. Eggsy didn't bother disguising the way
he drank Harry, who was looking more than a bit debauched - his hair was
thoroughly dishevelled and his lips had reddened from pleasuring Eggsy that
way. Eggsy tried to straighten up and look more authoritative and less like the
reality, nude and ravished while Harry was still fully clothed and not even
breaking a sweat. "Have I tired you out yet?
"Oh no," Harry assured him, "I have far more in store for you yet." There was a
look in his eye that said he was telling the truth and he slipped out of
Eggsy's grasp to prove it, winding his way with soft kisses down Eggsy's body
until he was nestled between his legs again. Harry dragged his teeth in a light
nip over Eggsy's thigh to get his body's attention and with a little more lube
on his finger, Harry pressed inside. This time, however, he moved back up to
lean next to Eggsy for a hungry kiss. Eggsy was so pliant at that point Harry
could deepen it with no resistance or accommodation. The fingers of his free
hand closed around Eggsy's cock and once again he began to work up a rhythm.
Eggsy couldn't even writhe anymore. He clung to Harry as much as he was able,
kissing him while Harry slowly drove him mad. He wasn't so far gone that he
didn't notice Harry pause to retrieve the lubricant again, or the slight burn
when he worked a second finger inside of him, but Eggsy already felt so relaxed
that it didn't seem nearly as uncomfortable as it had the first time they'd
tried it. Harry did his utmost to keep Eggsy's senses overwhelmed, teasing and
nipping at his mouth while his hands worked in tandem.
Harry moaned whenever Eggsy's thigh brushed against his crotch, which was
increasingly often in this position, but it didn't distract him from his goal.
His pace was quicker from the start this time. Eggsy's body was growing
accustomed to melting right into Harry's hands.
"The things I could do to you like this...." Harry whispered against Eggsy's
mouth. He gave a particularly strong thrust of his fingers just to watch
Eggsy's face screw up with the pleasure of it. He bent down to bite at Eggsy's
lip.
It was a marvel how habituated Eggsy was becoming to Harry's closeness, of
being wrapped around the boy, half on top of him, half inside him, preventing
him from moving, even capturing and taking control of his mouth.
"Like... wh-what?" Eggsy managed to whisper back once Harry pulled back to let
him breathe. The boy was overwhelmed but not frightened, although attempting
this even several weeks ago would have left him wide-eyed, pale, and more than
a bit panicked. He didn't mind being so completely encapsulated by Harry
because he wanted to be close. It no longer occurred to him to feel embarrassed
thinking about what he must look like, or what they were doing, because he
enjoyed it and Harry enjoyed it. To Eggsy, nothing else should really matter
and it was nobody else's business.
"Two more and I'll show you," Harry whispered. "You'll be surprised....just how
gorgeous you are." Harry squeezed again and when Eggsy's back arched, he kept
up that pressure, a quick, intense series of thrusts that had Eggsy's toes
curling and Harry panting in his ear just to see the sight of it. Harry's body
was growing very warm underneath his clothes. Eggsy could feel it now that he
was pressed against the man, squeezed together on the couch. Harry took the
opportunity of Eggsy's distraction to catch his earlobe between his teeth.
Eggsy gasped at the sharp feeling and his eyes flew open in shock. He couldn't
turn his head while caught like that, but his eyes tried to seek out Harry at
the edge of his vision.
Eggsy had nothing to compare this too, in more than just the physicality of
what they were doing. He felt like he'd lost control. He'd given himself over
to Harry, who'd removed his options and begun to play him like an instrument,
coaxing sound and movement and sensations from him. Eggsy was frightened of the
way his body was going forward without him, dragging his mind along behind it,
and all to the directions of Harry's tongue and fingers... but he still
trusted. Eggsy trusted Harry not to hurt him, and everything felt too good to
want to stop.
Harry showed no signs of slowing down. He was usually so attentive that it was
hard to tell just how aware he was of what Eggsy was feeling when he was like
this. Eggsy caught glimpses of Harry staring into him, but Harry wanted this,
too. The way he pressed against Eggsy said as much even if he wasn't indulging
himself.
Harry's teeth moved away from Eggsy's ear to press into his neck. It wasn't a
hard bite, but it was one that recalled the time Harry had bit his hip and
Eggsy had been startled by it. This was just one more thing to keep him down
under Harry's hands.
Surprisingly, Eggsy felt an answering rush of heat. Something about Harry's
mouth there, with a hint of sharp edges against tender skin, hit a nerve.
Eggsy's eyes closed as his body tightened up until he was right on the edge for
the fourth time that night. Harry's mouth shifted to a different spot on his
neck, and Eggsy felt something akin to a chill while his skin broke out into
gooseflesh. It was almost enough that he didn't notice a slight burning
sensation - Harry had slipped another finger into him. By then, he was so
relaxed that Harry didn't seem to have any trouble.
Harry hadn't even needed to warn him. The second finger didn't slow the pace
and it didn't take away from the feeling inside him. Both curled up to focus
small strokes against his sweet spot and Harry moaned at the feel of Eggsy's
legs spreading wider. Harry's thumb kept up a clever roll over the tip of
Eggsy's erection. If Harry had done that for the first several times, if he
hadn't used his mouth, Eggsy would likely have been sore by then. But Harry
knew what he was doing, and somehow this turned into too much and yet not
enough all at the very same time.
Eggsy tried to move against Harry's hands again. When Harry wasn't moving quick
enough, or quite in the right way, Eggsy would shift or angle his hips. Harry
still had his legs pinned, but both of the older man's hands were now occupied.
Eggsy first tried to bring him back down for another kiss, then tugged at
Harry's clothing.
He got only a breathless laugh for his efforts. Harry was unwilling to move
away. He did, however, begin moving into Eggsy's touches both with his hands
and with his body. When Eggsy shifted his hips, Harry was there to meet him.
When Eggsy pulled on the back of Harry's shirt, Harry came with it and draped
himself over Eggsy. He let Eggsy kiss him when Eggsy wanted to, but Harry took
control of it. Eggsy's desperation was met with Harry's force. Eggsy's hands
clutching his shirt were little use.
Eggsy didn't see how he was being led. Harry had enough experience with sex to
know precisely what to do - what would overwhelm, how much would cause
desensitization that would leave a partner craving something more and
different, what techniques to use to tease or prepare a lover. Eggsy was
maneuvered right onto the edge of orgasm and kept there until a keening whine
escaped his throat. Eggsy made a sound of protest when Harry briefly let go of
his cock, and didn't when Harry ever-so-carefully slid a fourth finger into
him. The boy trembled, and a spark of suspicion finally lit up his eyes.
"...Harry?"
Harry shifted up to his ear, laying on his side and looking down Eggsy's body,
subtly directing Eggsy's attention that way as well, before he turned his head
and spoke softly. "Yes, Eggsy?"
The question would have been every bit as composed as Harry's usually were,
were it not for the breathlessness in Harry's voice. It was a strange mixture
of desire and control because Harry was in control. What he was doing to
Eggsy's body was proof enough of that.
Eggsy looked down, swallowed, and shut his eyes for a moment before looking
back at Harry. The boy was still flushed and desperate, with sweat beading on
his brow. He wanted Harry, but it was clear that he was afraid of what might be
coming. He remembered the first time they'd tried, and how he thought he was
going to split in two until Harry pulled out. "I... I d-don't... know if I
can."
"Then you don't have to," Harry reassured him. "This is simply what your body
can do when you're relaxed." It still didn't hurt, not even when Eggsy was
worried. Harry had tired him out. Harry nuzzled at Eggsy's ear. "Just go with
it, let your body do what it will. I won't take it any further than you want."
Harry had reason to be confident that Eggsy could take more, but Eggsy could
not remember Harry ever crossing his boundaries before.
Harry glanced down to where his hand was still working Eggsy open. The angle
was a little off with Harry reaching down, but his arms were long enough for
it.
Eggsy was expecting pain and discomfort. He nearly felt the ghost of it,
looking down and assuming it would be there. Harry felt strange inside of him,
but other than that, there was nothing but his own worries. Eggsy felt
stretched wide, and he could certainly feel Harry's fingers sliding into him,
but the pain he had expected was absent. Harry teased him now and again,
delving a bit further in and crooking his fingers upwards, but no matter how
Eggsy worried, his body stayed relaxed.
Harry kept a close watch on him for a while. It was hard to tell just how much
of Eggsy's thoughts showed on his face, but as usual Harry seemed to read him
like they were written there. With one more kiss to Eggsy's lips, Harry drew
down his body again, never ceasing the rhythm of his hand. Harry's mouth took
over where the fingers that had been wrapped around Eggsy's cock were before.
Pleasure enveloped him. Harry was heat and wetness and gliding, glorious
friction. From that angle, his fingers slid in just a little deeper.
Much to Harry's delight, Eggsy gasped and his legs spread a little wider. The
boy felt drunk on pleasure. Worried as he was, Harry's fingers slid into him
easily and without pain, and the older man's mouth formed a counterpoint. It
was all Eggsy could do to hold on, and even then he didn't last that long. Once
Harry sped up, his fingers curling upwards while his tongue laved at Eggsy’s
cock, Eggsy arched up against him with a soft cry and collapsed against the
mattress for the fourth time that night.
Harry's fingers slipped out of him. When Eggsy glanced down, breathless and
hazy, he saw Harry's lips curve before he pulled off and lifted his head to
look at Eggsy. Harry had probably the most self-satisfied expression Eggsy had
ever seen. His tongue darted out to lick the corner of his mouth. As though he
had something to taste but Eggsy's skin and sweat.
Harry crawled up Eggsy's body, looped one arm on either side of him, and gave
him a very indulgent kiss.
"Have I worn you all out?" Harry whispered.
"N-no," Eggsy insists stubbornly, mostly because of what he said earlier. He
said five, after all, and it's only been four. Even if the boy wanted nothing
more than to roll over and go to sleep, pride was on the line. Harry had gotten
him off four times and if Harry wasn't tired, Eggsy could hardly admit defeat.
"Not worn out. Just need a minute."
"Good," Harry's voice all but purred in his ear. Harry's long fingers drew down
Eggsy's heaving chest. Brown eyes that had darkened sometime since dinner
watched them as they went.
Harry might not have had a care in the world but for indulging in Eggsy's body
and what he'd done to it. His fingers drifted lower, tracing down Eggsy's thigh
and then the other while Eggsy's breathing slowly steadied and he began to come
down from the rush. They both watched Harry's hand as it drew across soft skin.
"You are something magnificent, Eggsy," Harry said softly. "Opening up for me
like this in ways you couldn't only days ago. Remarkable."
The boy shivered. He wasn't entirely sure how he felt about opening up. Eggsy
knew by then that he loved Harry, and he felt a spike of lust whenever he read
some of the books on sex scattered through the house, but he was still
convinced that he was too young for much to be possible. Eggsy felt small and
fragile, quite happy to be the focus of Harry's affections, but nervous that
Harry would ask too much of him. Harry's fingers stroked up his inner thigh and
Eggsy nearly jumped out of his skin. "Y-you... think so?"
Harry's lips pressed against his neck and Harry's fingers moved past Eggsy's
groin. "I do. Whether or not you want to do more, I do think so. This would be
a particularly good opportunity to try again, but I have no intention of
pushing you beyond what you're comfortable with."
Eggsy could see Harry's eyes searching him, so close before Harry propped
himself up with one arm to gaze down at Eggsy. A soft smile touched the man's
lips, a genuine one. Eggsy must have looked a sight--hair matted with sweat in
some places, sticking up in others from dragging his head against the cushion,
all flushed and boneless.
And Eggsy felt indebted. Whatever Harry might have to say on the matter,
society had particular messages: if his boyfriend took care of him, he was
supposed to take care of Harry. Eggsy wasn't even averse to the idea, other
than the fact that he was terrified that it was going to hurt.
The boy didn't answer for a few good minutes. He clung to Harry instead, taking
comfort in the feel and sight and scent of him. When Eggsy finally spoke, it
was a whisper. "I want to try, but I'm scared."
Harry's palm cupped the back of his head. "I know." Harry considered Eggsy for
a long moment more before he reached over the side of the couch for his
briefcase again.
"I have something that may help you relax." Harry came up with a small orange
bottle. "It's…like medicine. It works to loosen the muscles you have no control
over. No harmful side effects, only a brief feeling of stimulation. This
combined with how you're feeling right now, there should be very little pain."
Eggsy could just read the label on the bottle proclaiming a "rush" along with
some chemical information he didn't understand, but there was Harry's face
behind it, looking into him with a now familiar certainty.
"It looks weird." The bottle in Harry's hand didn't look like any medicine
bottle Eggsy had ever seen. Eggsy was a bit skeptical, but... Harry wouldn't
give him something dangerous. Harry wouldn't lie about it, either, especially
not about it reducing pain - after all, he had been very honest about the pain
before. Another adult might have lied about that or tried to minimalize it, but
Harry had told him the truth.
After a minute of deliberation, Eggsy bit his lower lip and nodded.
Harry gave him a quick smile and held Eggsy's gaze. Harry was making sure.
"Okay."
With that, Harry set the bottle down beside them and sat up. His hands went to
the buttons of his shirt, neatly unfastening them all the way down while Eggsy
watched. The shirt slid over his shoulders and in one elegant motion Harry let
it fall to the floor. A smile curved at his lips when Eggsy's eyes followed the
movement and then lingered on his naked chest. Harry's belt buckle was next,
followed by him leaning over Eggsy and hovering there while he slipped out of
his trousers.
Eggsy couldn't help but reach out to touch. He loved Harry as he normally was,
decked out in finery that gave him an elegant silhouette that drew the eye and
trapped it there. Harry was a dandy, as Eggsy understood it, perhaps even more
of one considering the way that he sometimes chose strange combinations of
pattern and color to draw the eye even more. What Eggsy particularly loved,
however, was how he got to see under it all. Nobody else got to see Harry as he
was with all the posh wrappings removed. Just Harry.
With a particular delight in Harry's eyes that told Eggsy his thoughts were
transparent, Harry's mouth found his own. Harry was a tease as well. And a
confident one. He drew Eggsy into the kiss and out of his lethargy with slow
and furtive swipes of his tongue.
When Harry laid down next to Eggsy, Eggsy got a very good view of the erection
pressed against his thigh. Harry wasn't pressing there deliberately yet, there
was simply no space on the couch, but Harry's body didn't seem to see the
difference. It was thick and flushed red and had been waiting all this time for
any attention, and still Harry ignored it in favour of touching Eggsy.
Finally, Harry reached for the small bottle and began to unscrew the cap. "All
you have to do is inhale a little bit, through your nose. Just like smelling
salts," Harry explained, calm as ever as he propped himself up and held the
bottle up for Eggsy.
"You'll feel a rush after. It's normal. Should only last a minute or two, so
don't worry."
Harry wasn't exaggerating. Eggsy inhaled deeper than he should have, expecting
that the drug would take a bit to do anything, only to suddenly feel
lightheaded as a rush of warmth and euphoria flowed through him. Eggsy was
already feeling pretty relaxed from earlier climaxes, but he could feel himself
almost sinking back down into the couch. Harry shifted, and Eggsy had to follow
the contact points with his eyes; touch felt more significant. Harry's skin
looked more colorful. Even the cock resting against his leg, patiently waiting,
looked more red than Eggsy remembered.
Time was moving oddly, and Eggsy finally stopped his staring to look back at
Harry with confusion in his eyes. "...is it supposed to be like this?"
Harry wrapped an arm around him and the feeling was glorious.
"Yes, it is, and it won't last long." Eggsy could see that Harry was smiling.
It was soft and inviting. Harry's fingers carded through his hair. "How are you
feeling?" Harry asked. He had that look in his eye that said he already knew,
but Harry, being Harry, would want to make sure. Harry was always looking out
for Eggsy like that. With a delicate touch, Harry's fingers drew down Eggsy's
temple, across his cheek, pausing to rest over the curve of his lips. It seemed
like Harry just wanted to feel them.
"Good, it-... wow," Eggsy murmured. The boy couldn't manage more than that. He
didn't have the words to describe it, because he had nothing to compare it to.
"Good. Really warm. Everything's really bright, and you feel really good, but I
sorta feel like I'm gonna fall through the couch or something." The image that
conjured made Eggsy giggle, and Harry must have found it funny as well because
his smile widened just a bit. Eggsy found himself staring and wishing that
Harry would kiss him again, especially so that he could see just how different
it felt right then.
He got his wish.
Harry's fingers drew away as he leaned over Eggsy, replaced by Harry's mouth
instead. It was impossibly soft, and smoother than Harry had felt before. When
Harry's body pressed against him more tightly, all it brought with it was
pleasure. Eggsy even felt Harry's hips rock against his thigh, felt the
difference between the feel of Harry's legs and the smooth, yet impossibly
rigid, line of his cock. It was like silk wrapped over stone. Harry took
Eggsy's bottom lip between his teeth and pulled lightly before letting go.
Eggsy watched him with a dazed look and more than a bit of hunger. He hadn't
wanted Harry to pull away. Before Eggsy could voice a complaint, however, the
older man's hands began to wander. Eggsy heard a soft, high-pitched moan and
realized with a start a split-second later that he'd been hearing himself.
Harry had heard him, too. The sound seemed to have galvanized Harry into moving
faster. The hungry glint that Eggsy had seen in him before reappeared. One of
Harry's palms slid up along his inner thigh and Eggsy shivered and
automatically spread his legs wider.
The second sound Eggsy heard was much lower, and Eggsy realised it came from
Harry. Harry's hand pressed over Eggsy's hardening cock and then drew down to
his entrance and the lube still painted there. Harry's fingers circled,
tentatively dipping inside Eggsy and then back out again before moving to rub
over his cock. Eggsy gave another whine and Harry's mouth was on his, drinking
in the sounds.
"Need you to come down just a little," Harry said breathlessly, like this was
as arousing for him as it was for Eggsy, but again he was holding back.
Eggsy couldn't have said how long it took. It might have only been a few
minutes, but time seemed to stretch on and on. Harry kissed him and Eggsy
didn't seem to need air. He could feel Harry's fingers wrapped around him,
points of warmth and pressure and friction, stroking at a languid pace before
they released him. Harry’s fingers slid into him again, testing, and he let out
a shocked huff of breath and tilted his hips up to meet them. Just then, it all
seemed so easy. "Harry..."
"There you are." Harry's fond eyes looked down at Eggsy, only inches apart.
Harry's fingers curled and pressed farther to find the spot that gave Eggsy the
most pleasure, even if it had been well used over the night so far. Harry could
grin through nothing but the smallest of smiles and he was doing it now. "Are
you ready?"
Harry shifted against Eggsy to make him look down, get one last good look at
Harry's cock before Harry moved any further.
Eggsy did. Harry still looked intimidating, particularly when so close to his
own cock that the boy could easily compare their difference in size. Harry felt
overly warm where he touched Eggsy's skin, hard and eager, and Eggsy felt a
twinge of nervousness. He swallowed and slowly nodded. "Y-yeah. I, I guess I
am, yeah. Just be careful and go slow, alright?"
Harry bent and pressed a kiss to Eggsy's cheek. "Alright."
Eggsy caught sight of Harry's long fingers slicking lube down his shaft before
Harry pulled back. Harry gripped the underside of Eggsy's thighs and moved him
into the centre of the couch before he positioned himself between Eggsy's legs.
This was different than they'd done it before. Harry had to pull Eggsy's legs
up, presumably for ease of access or perhaps it would hurt more otherwise--
Eggsy didn't know, but then Harry was leaning over him and guiding the fat head
of his cock to press against Eggsy. With a little push, it slid in much easier
and Harry's mouth fell open.
Eggsy had a death grip on the couch and kept expecting pain, but none was
forthcoming. Penetration was still uncomfortable, but between what they'd been
doing and the medicine Harry had given him, the ache wasn't nearly as intense
as the previous time they'd tried this. Eggsy glanced down and nearly wished he
hadn't; with his legs pulled up, the boy had a very good view. Seeing Harry's
cock disappearing into his body was far more powerful and erotic a sight than
he'd been anticipating, but nerve-wracking as well. Harry was so much bigger
that the older man could easily hurt him.
Harry bent down again and Eggsy noticed how heavy he was breathing. He hadn't
started moving, however, and he was only just inside. Harry's hand curled
against the side of Eggsy's head. When Harry glanced down, his eyes closed and
he took a sharp breath. Eggsy even saw a hint of teeth biting his lower lip
before Harry composed himself again and sought out Eggsy's gaze. Harry leaned
down for a kiss. The way Harry's fingers ran through Eggsy's hair were nothing
like Michelle's had been earlier. Harry paid attention to him even now when
Harry looked like he was on the brink of coming apart. "Still ok?" he
whispered.
"Y-yeah." Eggsy had to whisper back. His throat felt tight. The boy didn't dare
look away from Harry's face, because if he did, he knew his gaze would be drawn
downwards, and his anxiety would come creeping back. Every bit of him was
focused on how their bodies were joined. Eggsy didn't know why Harry was
breathing so strangely. "Are y-you? I mean, you sound..."
Harry gave a short laugh. "Eggsy. ...you don't know how good you feel." Harry
tilted his head to kiss Eggsy's cheek and then, slowly, pressed his hips
forward, sliding in just a little more. Eggsy's legs widened. Harry felt huge,
but he paused after another couple inches to breathe against Eggsy's neck.
Harry's arms wrapped around Eggsy and he held the boy tight as he slowly began
to rock his hips back and forth.
Eggsy had never heard Harry sound quite like he did then. He'd been breathless
before, desperate before, Eggsy had seen all that, but this was Harry
almost...reverent.
Eggsy kept bracing himself for pain, but it never came. Harry never went too
deep, and never too quick. He kept a steady, slow pace, and after Eggsy became
more confident that Harry wasn't going to hurt him, he started to relax.
Gorgeous as Harry normally looked, there was something about his expression
that caught Eggsy's eye. He couldn't help but stare, and wonder if Harry was
going to break to pieces instead of him. He wanted to look down again, to see
as well as feel, but Harry was holding him too tightly for Eggsy to have a good
view.
As Eggsy began to relax, Harry's pace began to quicken. Harry didn't seem to
want to let him go either, not even so Eggsy could move. He pressed his
forehead to the side of Eggsy’s even if he had to bend a little to do it.
Harry's breath was hot against his ear. Harry was all around him, inside of
him, hands running up and down his back and sides and rear and cock sinking in
and out of him. And Harry was making little, desperate noises.
Eggsy hadn't been certain whether or not he was actually going to like this
kind of sex. He'd fantasized about it, of course, almost immediately upon
learning it was possible. He'd gone over photos in Harry's books and tried to
imagine what it would be like, but he had no way of knowing whether it was
something he'd enjoy or if it would be painful for him and only pleasurable for
Harry.
Eggsy's doubts were being put to rest. The boy felt completely overpowered, and
what should have been frightening sent a little thrill jolting through him. The
sounds Harry was making were driving him mad, and something about watching and
feeling Harry slide into him was attractive even as it was utterly filthy.
And then Harry tilted his hips a bit more, the angle changed, and Eggsy let out
a startled gasp as he began to see stars.
Harry's hips stuttered at the sound, but there was no mistaking it for pain. He
gasped, "Eggsy," and did it again. He fell into a new rhythm with the motion
and let one of his hands drift down to take Eggsy's erection between his
fingers. When Eggsy whimpered, so did Harry. Harry began kissing him all over
and didn't stop. His groans came with every thrust. Still he couldn't loosen
his hold on Eggsy. "You feel....incredible." Harry's words were almost
indecipherable spoken into Eggsy's neck, but the sentiment was clear.
Eggsy had nothing to hold onto but Harry, and so he did. The boy's grip was
white-knuckled, but it was unlikely Harry felt any discomfort. Eggsy had
thought he was exhausted, but Harry's cock and fingers were winding up the
tension in him again. Harry's kisses burned into his skin. Eggsy whimpered
again and his eyes fluttered closed.
Not seeing what was happening to him only made the sensations more intense.
Harry straightened a little, which put his mouth to Eggsy's temple and he
kissed there as well. His hips never faltered in their pace, and from the way
Harry was breathing it didn't sound like he could stop even if he'd wanted to.
Harry said something. Over and over again, until Eggsy made out his name. Even
with only one arm wrapped around Eggsy now, Harry kept him trapped there,
pressed into him.
"I'm not going to last long," Harry warned, breathless and barely above a
whisper. He seemed to have a much better sense now just how overwhelmed Eggsy
was, in spite of being so himself. Harry's words devolved into a groan at the
end and he gave one particularly strong thrust before he found control again.
Eggsy cringed. Harry had gone a bit too deep and, even relaxed as he was, Eggsy
had certainly felt that. The sharp ache didn't persist, however, and so Eggsy
said nothing. He knew what Harry's words meant. Having already fantasized about
doing this before, Eggsy had also fantasized about the end and what it might
feel like. If Harry was expecting Eggsy to protest, or ask him to pull out,
then he was going to be surprised.
Eggsy forced his eyes open and turned to seek Harry's gaze. He couldn't see
that much, with how entwined they were, but the boy didn't want to miss seeing
this.
Harry's fingers around him squeezed just a little tighter. Harry's thrusts sped
up just a little more, more pointed than the languid motion he'd had before. It
didn't stop him from brushing against Eggsy's sweet spot, however. Harry caught
sight of Eggsy looking up at him and he turned just enough so that their eyes
met.
Harry gave a breathless moan, his hips dug in just a little painfully, but the
expression on his face was absolute bliss, mouth open, lip quivering, eyelids
falling in delirious pleasure. Harry stilled when he came pressed tight in
Eggsy.
Eggsy clutched Harry tighter as he felt it, his own lips parted in shock and
pleasure. He could feel Harry twitch inside him several times over while the
rest of Harry stayed frozen in place. Eggsy flushed, feeling thrill and
embarrassment warring against one another, and a bit of pride besides. He'd
managed to do what he thought he couldn't yet, and he'd made Harry come apart.
Eggsy ached and he knew that things were going to get messy. He knew what
people said about men who did what he'd just done and enjoyed it. Eggsy didn't
know how he felt about all of that yet, but it seemed worth it, particularly
with the way Harry was looking back at him.
Harry's breath was heavy, he pushed away the strands of matted hair that had
fallen onto Eggsy's forehead, but he didn't move right away. Harry looked like
he was recording Eggsy with his eyes, committing the moment to memory. Harry's
eyes drifted shut and he shifted minutely, fingers squeezing over Eggsy's cock
and in his hair, hips shifting the cock inside Eggsy, and Eggsy realised Harry
was committing the sensations to memory, too.
Then Harry kissed him, long and indulgent, tasting Eggsy as much as he was
feeling him. When they pulled apart it still seemed that Harry wasn't quite
ready to let go. His fingers lazily stroked over Eggsy's shaft, but he waited
as long as he could before pulling out. Harry did it slowly. He shifted to his
side and lifted up a little, and Eggsy could finally see where they were
joined, and then Harry carefully began to slide out.
Eggsy did his best not to squirm, but he ended up biting at his lip. Whatever
Harry had given him had worn off, and without the distraction of pleasure,
Eggsy's body was starting to protest what they'd done. He felt sore, especially
deeper where Harry had gotten carried away for a moment, and as Harry slid a
little further out there was no ignoring the fact that they'd made a mess.
Eggsy blushed harder and averted his eyes, knowing that he wasn't supposed to
enjoy that part of it and wondering what it meant that he did.
When Harry was all the way out, Eggsy felt strangely empty. The boy hadn't been
expecting that, and he immediately curled into Harry in response to the odd
sensation of loss.
Harry made a very pleased sound at that and his fingers curled in Eggsy's hair.
He let go of Eggsy's cock and slid his hand down into his own release mixed
with the lube. Harry's forefinger slid against the puckered opening between
Eggsy's cheeks and lingered there. "You make me want to go all night," Harry
said into Eggsy's ear, fingers collecting the slick and then coating his cock
with it, using it to help the slide. It seemed Eggsy wasn't the only one who
appreciated the state Harry had left his body in.
Eggsy shivered and turned so red that he even flushed down to the tips of his
ears. The boy didn't know what to say to that, or to Harry's boldness. Even
aching, Eggsy's body was still more than a bit interested, and his hips canted
against Harry's hand, but for once the boy tucked his face shyly against
Harry's chest. "Don't know if I can. Everything hurts a bit. I mean, not hurt
hurts, but..."
"I know," Harry said softly, fingers still working over Eggsy's cock. "You were
wonderful for me, Eggsy. Simply perfect." Harry's other hand tickled over the
back of his neck. "One more to go. Think you can handle it, just like this?"
Eggsy could hear Harry's sly smile without looking. Eggsy was sore and Harry
wasn't going to try to do more of the same, but his fingers still felt good and
without penetration....
Eggsy nodded. "Just that, yeah." Touch was enough, and all Eggsy wanted right
then. Just to listen to the sound of Harry's voice, press up close until he
could smell the musk and faint cologne that always clung to Harry's skin, and
have Harry stay with him. Fortunately for Eggsy, Harry didn't seem inclined to
want to leave or break contact, even to go clean up. Harry didn't seem to mind
that they were ruining the couch, either; Eggsy could feel the dampness between
his cheeks, and a corresponding dampness to the cushions underneath him.
Harry hummed and began to stroke a little harder. He leaned down and pressed
his mouth to Eggsy's ear. "Next time we'll do this upstairs, somewhere I can
properly spread you out. I'd like to set you on my hips and see you ride me.
I'd wrap you up in the sheets after. Stay inside you as long as I could." Harry
nipped at Eggsy's ear when his breath caught at Harry's words. "When I'm not so
very busy, you could come by the shop. I'd let you try the scotch and then lift
you up on the desk, pull down your trousers, spread your knees wide...."
Harry's gamble paid off. Rather than being embarrassed or turned off by the
older man's words, Eggsy's interest became palpable. The cock trapped between
Harry's fingers stiffened further and Eggsy let out a small gasp. Small fingers
dug into Harry's back where Eggsy clung to him. "W-won't... we'll get in
trouble, we can't. Someone will s-see us."
Harry chuckled. "It wouldn't be easy, that is true. And they would notice
something amiss if I turned off the security system. Very unfortunate. But if
I'm ever working upstairs and you're particularly lonely...." Harry massaged
Eggsy's tip before he went back to stroking, his pace speeding up quickly. "I'd
like to dress you in silk and then ruin every inch of it," Harry confessed.
"You make me want to spoil you, Eggsy. The things I'd let you get away
with...."
"You're already spoilin' me," Eggsy gasped. Harry was, from his perspective.
Compared with how he'd been living, Eggsy felt like he was in the lap of
luxury. To a boy that wasn't used to having much of anything, new clothes and a
well-supplied kitchen and a bit of pocket money was extravagance. Harry went
beyond that, too, teaching him things and taking him places. "What could I
poss'bly get away with that you don't let me do already?"
Harry laughed quietly. "Perhaps I shouldn't give you ideas." He wandered over
to capture Eggsy's mouth. Harry's kiss was languid, but his fingers, and his
words, were building the tension inside of Eggsy again. "I'm already tempted to
do this every night. We'd never have time for anything else."
Harry let his free hand slide down Eggsy's back and caress his rear, kneading a
fistful of the flesh. He bent down and pressed his head to Eggsy's and let his
hands take over the work.
Whatever Eggsy was going to say to that got lost in a rush of pleasure. The
boy's eyes closed again and, this time, he didn't bother trying to hold back
any sound. Eggsy didn't have the energy and focus to do so any longer. Harry's
clever fingers knew just what to do and how quickly to move, and it didn't take
long before Harry had Eggsy moaning and melting underneath him.
A press of lips against Eggsy's neck, a slide of the pad of Harry’s finger over
the tip of Eggsy’s cock, and Eggsy shuddered and gasped out Harry's name.
The moment it happened, Eggsy dazedly noticed the press of teeth against his
neck. Harry was grinning.
"That's it," Harry soothed, working him through the orgasm until the touch made
Eggsy whimper and Harry stilled and just held him instead, letting his body
tremble and fall limp.
Another moment and Harry was shifting, lifting Eggsy to lay atop him while
Harry stretched out on the couch. He made a face upon encountering the wet
spot, but said nothing about it and had no qualms whatsoever about wrapping
Eggsy around him to let the boy relax.
"You did it." Harry kissed the top of his head.
"God," Eggsy groaned. He was draped atop Harry as bonelessly as he could
manage. "Remind me not to make bets with you. I didn't think you were serious,
y'know, when I said five."
Eggsy's chest heaved as he took a deep breath and let it all out in one
contented sigh. "I don't even wanna move. Not even for a shower. Not even for
ice cream."
Harry laughed. "Then I'll help. We really must clean up." Before Eggsy could
protest, Harry lifted him into his arms and climbed up from the couch. Eggsy
had to wrap his arms around Harry's neck, but Harry seemed to like it, even
when Eggsy's head nestled into the crook of his neck.
Harry carried him up the stairs to the toilet, turned the light on, and started
the tap all without setting Eggsy down. He could have fallen asleep like that
and Harry would have taken care of him, washed him up, and put him to bed.
Eggsy nearly did fall asleep. He wavered back and forth as he sat, and it took
a few moments for the boy to reach out and touch Harry's leg. "Can I... have a
minute. I need to... y'know," Eggsy mumbled, embarrassed. He still felt loose,
and was becoming more and more aware of how close he was to making a mess of
the bathroom floor.
Harry just smiled. "Of course. Come and find me when you're done." He pressed a
kiss to the corner of Eggsy's mouth and then plucked one of the towels off the
rack for himself. Harry gave it a quick pass down his middle and then went to
find his robe, closing the door behind him and leaving Eggsy to his own
business.
The next few minutes revived all of Eggsy's embarrassment. The boy hid his face
in his hands while his body did what came naturally to that area. Eggsy snuck a
peek before flushing everything away and was amazed that what had felt like so
much amounted to very little in the end.
Eggsy nearly lost his balance when he got back to his feet. When he peeked out
into the hallway, he couldn't see Harry waiting. The boy ventured a guess and
struck out towards Harry's bedroom.
He found Harry there, frowning down at his mobile, but his expression
evaporated the moment he saw Eggsy. "Ready for a shower, then?" Harry stepped
around the bed to take Eggsy under his arm. "And then I think it's bedtime for
the both of us."
Harry turned on the shower and divested himself of his robe. He hadn't needed
it in the first place, but it was a perfectly Harry thing to do. He tested the
water and pulled back the curtains to beckon Eggsy in along after him and Eggsy
found himself wrapped in caressing hands and hot, soothing water.
Harry didn't take long to clean them up. He was content to take care of Eggsy
like that, running the soap down Eggsy's body for him and then washing him
clean. They had barely fogged up the mirror when Harry shut the water off and
grabbed a towel to dry Eggsy first.
Eggsy's eyes were already half-closed with fatigue. He leaned against Harry at
every chance he got, and was yawning by the time Harry finished drying him off.
It took hardly any effort at all for Harry to scoop Eggsy back into his arms,
once he'd finished drying himself put on his robe. Eggsy curled back against
him while Harry carried him back into the bedroom and set him down on the plush
sheets. The boy didn't want to let go of him, and his fingers caught on the
robe when Harry tried to straighten up.
"No pyjamas for you, then?" Harry teased. "Okay."
Harry moved only so far as to turn off the light before he undid the robe and
crawled into bed with Eggsy. Eggsy curled against him immediately and Harry let
his arms wrap around Eggsy's small body, soft and dry and smelling fresh from
the shower. Harry turned onto his side and stroked down Eggsy's back. Eggsy was
boneless against him, eyes slipping closed, and Harry relaxed next to him. Just
as Harry's presence was a comfort, Eggsy had become a treasure in Harry's bed.
Eggsy was asleep in a matter of seconds. He might worry about the meaning of
everything the next day and whether things would change - particularly once he
felt the full effects of Harry's attentions and couldn't sit without some
discomfort - but right then, he was too exhausted to think. Eggsy was more than
sated, clean and dry and warm, and he had Harry. That was all that mattered.
***** Chapter 18 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
The next day Harry saw Eggsy off to school with a kiss that nearly made him
miss the bus. Harry finished up getting ready for work, combing his hair into
its neat state once again, and headed out the door.
Dagonet greeted him as pleasantly as always at the shop and one train ride
later he was gliding down the halls of headquarters and feeling very good about
the morning. Even before his cup of coffee. It wasn't easy falling into work
after the way Eggsy had left that morning, but Harry grit his teeth and logged
in to see if Arthur had left him any messages about an unidentified
intelligence agency recruiting in Cambodia. For the next several hours, he
found himself embroiled in little but research.
It was to be expected that a familiar shadow darkened his doorway. Merlin
rapped his knuckles politely against the wooden frame to announce his presence.
Nothing in the man's demeanor or expression gave the slightest hint of what he
was thinking, but Harry might have ventured several well-educated guesses.
"Galahad, if you have a moment to spare, I'd like a second opinion on a few
things. Nothing urgent. I've picked up several anomalies and I'd rather not
bother Arthur unless they look to be something of real significance."
Harry sighed and sat back from the desk. "Of course." He took off his glasses
and pinched the bridge of his nose before putting them back on and following
Merlin out the door. Harry had been expecting this for days now, and it seemed
Merlin finally had the time to corner him.
The two of them walking down the hall together was by no means remarkable and
Harry wouldn't think to leave his glasses behind even if there was the
slightest chance Arthur could activate them if an emergency arose in the next
hour. The knights simply did not go anywhere without them even in HQ.
They turned the corner and bypassed several rooms frequented by intelligence
personnel. Instead, Merlin led Harry into one of the more private surveillance
review rooms. Merlin's laptop was already there, locked and waiting. Merlin
stepped aside and let Harry enter the room in front of him, then shut and
locked the door behind them.
"This will have to do. It's as private as I can make things." Merlin shot Harry
a cryptic look and took a seat in front of his laptop. A few keystrokes brought
the screen back up, which began flipping through random video footage. "Tell
me, have you fallen so far that you've taken a complete leave of your senses?
Your self-preservation? Or are you just distracted enough to be sloppy?"
Harry cast his eyes to the ceiling. "You'll be referring to the watch, then.
And whatever else you think I've done. But no, Merlin, I have not lost my
senses. You were on board with this before; what's changed?" Harry looked him
in the eye, unphased. Merlin's stare was nothing to be dismissed easily, but
Harry was quite used to it by then. Harry also knew if Merlin had uncovered
some dire flaw in Harry's work, he would have heard from the man the moment
Merlin found out. This was something else.
"Well, firstly, your charge is a very poor liar. Loyalty doesn't matter,
although that's certainly been achieved for the moment. He won't crack, but
he'll give away everything in what he doesn't say and how he behaves. His
abysmal lying skills are suitable for the moment, but they won't be in the near
future, because we both know you won't be surrendering him."
Heated as Merlin's tone was, the man had turned to the screen and barely
glanced at Harry. He looked utterly composed, his hands poised over the
keyboard and his eyes on the video, as if he truly was reviewing the footage.
"He's going to be intensely questioned the moment you press for custody. His
mother already suspects that something is odd about your relationship with the
boy, given what I've seen from yesterday's surveillance, and the officials that
will be questioning him are very familiar with the cues to look for when
investigating whether a child is being abused, manipulated, or taken advantage
of. He's not prepared for the conflict that's to come, and quite frankly, I'm
not certain that you are either, from what I've seen. You've been emotionally
compromised."
Harry raised an eyebrow at that, but finally went along with the act and turned
his eyes to the screen as well. "And do you think whether I have feelings for
the boy or not is any indication of how well I'll be able to pull this off? Do
you think I can't draw out this investigation long enough to coach him to get
through a conversation with a court appointed expert, while knowing I'd be able
to pull enough strings to keep that conversation limited to an absolute
minimum? And of course his mother suspects something's amiss," Harry added as
an afterthought, "Mothers always do, whether there’s anything to it or not."
"I question whether you'll become overconfident and press matters forward
prematurely. You have a tendency for impatience, and you did give the boy one
of our watches without telling me. How were you going to explain that, if he'd
accidentally activated one of the features? Amnesia darts have a limited window
of opportunity." Merlin tapped on the keyboard, and the video footage changed
to a new assortment. He gestured towards the screen. "It's not even a question
of whether or not you have feelings for the boy. You do, and your attachment
has the potential to make things more difficult."
"Then we'll have to make it less difficult, now won't we?" Harry retorted.
"Damn me as an optimist if you will, but I can tie up the inspectors for quite
a lot longer with my contacts at the Yard. Whatever training I need to get
Eggsy through, I'll make sure he gets through it." Harry crossed his arms over
his chest and shifted his weight, but kept his eyes on the monitor. "And how
the hell are you so certain exactly how far my attachment reaches, anyway?"
Silence stretched between them, both staring at the monitors. Until Harry
glanced at Merlin out of the corner of his eye.
"Lord, you've hacked the house, haven't you?"
Merlin glanced briefly at Harry, but that split second was all it took for a
confirmation. Merlin's characteristic blank, composed expression was strained
around the edges, revealing a hint of the emotions tucked away underneath the
mask. Anger and, strangely, hurt. "We're going to have a great deal of work to
do in order to make things less difficult, beginning with you making time for
me to debrief you more fully regarding my observations and what areas you'll
need to coach him in. I would suggest that you don't give his mother any more
opportunities to talk to the boy while unsupervised, at least until he's had
some basic coaching."
Harry took a deep breath, willing down the urge to point out that the bug on
Eggsy's jacket had let Harry know precisely what was going on and he had ended
their little meeting when he damn well pleased. Or when he thought Eggsy had
been angry enough with Michelle not to ask to see her again. "Alright," Harry
conceded. "But keep in mind a certain balance is needed to prevent Eggsy from
wanting to go back all on his own." Another beat of silence passed and Harry
could feel Merlin judging him for the personal investment in that statement.
"Shut up. We'll meet once a week, the coffee shop on the end of Savile Row. If
we're discovered it wouldn't be too out of place, being close to the shop."
Harry gave a short sigh. "And yes, you have my permission to watch. You're
welcome."
Merlin did turn to look at Harry directly then. The mask was back in place,
leaving Harry to guess what was going through his mind. Something clearly was,
as Merlin stayed silent just a beat too long. "I'll have need of your
assistance again, sometime in the near future, so do keep that in mind when
planning your evening schedule. For the moment, I'll simply have to trust your
judgment on other matters until we have a chance to discuss things more
thoroughly."
Harry took Merlin in and nodded. "Your concerns have been heard loud and clear.
And I'll look forward to beginning work on your next project." Merlin remained
as impassive as ever. "I'd ask you to let me know just one thing, however,"
Harry allowed the corner of his lip to turn up and leaned a fraction closer.
"Did you enjoy the show?"
Merlin went very still. The difference would have been difficult to spot, in
ordinary circumstances, but for how close Harry was standing and that he was
searching for a reaction. The man didn't blink, and even his breathing stopped
for a moment. Pale eyes flickered down to the satisfied curve of Harry's mouth
before meeting Harry's gaze again.
"More than you know." Merlin reached without looking and closed the laptop with
a pointed click. He rose to his feet and tucked it under one arm, bringing him
back of a height with Harry.
The only reaction Harry gave him was the widening of his smile. "Very well,
then. Do let me know when you'll be available." Harry nodded once.
He turned to the door and by the time he opened it a perfectly professional
expression was plastered on his face. He readjusted his glasses and made his
way down the hall without a glance back.
===============================================================================
Harry never got the chance to discuss the specifics of their newly-agreed-upon
meeting schedule. When he wasn't working, Harry's attention was consumed by the
progress he'd made in his relationship with Eggsy. The boy had been sore the
next day, but uninjured, and he'd milked the opportunity for every advantage he
could get, resulting in even more pampering than Eggsy normally received. The
regenerative powers of youth being what they were, it wasn't long at all before
Eggsy agreed to penetration again, with far less reluctance now that he'd
experienced it and knew what to expect.
Not even a week had passed before Harry's after-dinner routine was interrupted
by the ringing of his mobile.
Harry checked the number and gave a small sigh.
"Sorry, work," he explained as he extricated himself from Eggsy and the couch
where they'd been watching telly. "Don't pause it, I might be a minute." He
kissed Eggsy's cheek and straightened before Harry brought the phone to his
ear, heading at a casual pace for the stairs, presumably to his office.
"Hello?"
"Regretfully, while a coffee shop will be suitable for discussing your matters,
that environment is ill-suited for mine, so this will have to suffice."
Merlin's voice was quiet on the other end of the line, but crisp enough that he
was easily understood. "I have your next task. This is a slightly more
complicated endeavor and will require several steps, rather than only one."
Merlin paused. "What is your sentiment, regarding families?"
Harry did not pause going up the stairs, but he knew his face had turned into a
frown. "Just because you think I have one of my own now doesn't mean I've gone
soft," he chided, closing the door of the office behind him and moving to the
desk. He turned on the computer just in case Merlin had sent him something.
Harry did not yet know how comfortable Merlin was with sharing whatever records
he kept on these projects with him. "What do you have in mind?"
"A local man. Young, and a rising star in sales performance at his employer.
He's only a few months into his marriage to a woman who bore him a son three
years ago. Newly promoted. He's recently purchased a new house in an upscale
neighborhood, doubtless on the wages he's projected to make, as it's unlikely
that his new wife is making fortunes at the small PR firm she works for."
Merlin cleared his throat. "I want you to verify all of this. I'm not looking
for simple confirmation. I want you to go to their residence and make a video
record. A more personal verification than simply hacking into the respective
networks to confirm the data. I want documentation of what their household and
lives look like before we begin."
Harry went to stand by the window overlooking the mew below, imagining why
Merlin would want such a thing. He gave a hum of confirmation. They both knew
that would not be a challenge for Harry. Harry was already beginning to suspect
where this might lead. He could imagine walking through such a house, with such
a family, very different from the one he'd made with Eggsy. He did not think
about Eggsy. "And after?"
"Afterwards, once I've reviewed the material you have collected for me, I will
decide if this is a target I want to pursue. If that's the case, you're going
to make introductions with the father of the household. You'll be another
businessman, either at the same company or at another that frequently interacts
with that company. Your interactions will begin as standard business
networking, and you'll slowly introduce the target to the fine art of alcoholic
gambling. All for the better if he's tempted to cheat on his new spouse along
the way, but your goal will be to ensure that he falls to temptation and
gambles his family into catastrophic amounts of debt, with all the
repercussions that follow. I expect that the household will look very
differently when you document it the second time."
In the distance headlights blinked through the end of the mew and Harry kept
his eyes on them. He did not think about Eggsy. "That it would," Harry agreed.
"Okay. I'm in. I'll need the address and the family's daily schedule, you know
the lot, and I'll scope the place sometime during the week. It shouldn't be too
long, I've got nothing on for another week yet and then it's a short jaunt to
Bali and back."
Harry knew Merlin was listening carefully to the sound of his voice, his
pauses. He'd led with the obvious after all--how Harry felt about families.
Merlin's concern over Eggsy was exactly the same. Harry gave him nothing
and...found it was not difficult to accomplish.
"I'm pleased to hear you say that. I'll arrange for a discreet drop of
everything you'll need. Look for it in the next day or two. Speaking of needs,
have you decided on a date for our coffee shop chat? Time is of the essence.
Processes can only be delayed for so long." Amusement filtered into Merlin's
tone, unless Harry was mistaken.
Harry sighed and rubbed his temple. Merlin was right. "Tomorrow. After I leave.
I'll let Eggsy know I'll be late and it might be a regularity. You can slip
away, I assume?" Harry closed the curtain and went back to his computer,
sitting against the desk. He shut it off and watched the dull blue glow in the
room fade into a soft yellow one cast by the light of a single lamp. He could
still hear the telly playing downstairs and was glad Eggsy was preoccupied.
"Easily. My absences aren't terribly unusual or notable, and no one minds so
long as sufficient personnel are on hand should a need arise and my work is
satisfactory. I don't have the complications of someone who misses my presence
or requires explanations."
"Very good then, tomorrow it is." Harry was not looking forward to the talk,
but then again he knew it needed to happen. Merlin was one of his greatest
assets in this endeavour and he couldn't deny it. Merlin simply had a habit of
suggesting avenues Harry would rather avoid, and yet he could not argue that
those avenues were entirely practical.
The line went dead. Harry exhaled, and as he did, he nearly missed the subtle
creak of a floorboard. The noise was muffled by carpeting and the solid wood of
his office door, nearly drowned by the cacophony of the telly downstairs, but
Harry knew precisely what it meant. Such a sound was only made when sufficient
weight interacted with a particular spot outside of his office, and not when
the building shifted on his foundations. Someone had been outside.
Quickly, he ran through everything that he'd said on his side of the
conversation. Old, familiar adrenaline seeped into his veins, but Harry
remained calm. He wanted to curse, but he could work with this. Silently he
moved to the door, put a pleasant expression on his face, and opened it just in
time to catch Eggsy at the top of the stairs, looking incredibly guilty.
Harry smiled. "Eggsy. Everything alright? You needn't worry about disturbing
me."
"Yeah, I just, uh..." In an instant, Harry saw what Merlin had meant. When
frightened, Eggsy was terrible at lying. He projected too much tension, his
smile was a bit too wide and forced, and he didn't quite maintain direct eye
contact. "I was thinkin' about gettin' ice cream and wanted to know if you
wanted some, but you were still on the phone, so... I didn't know how long you
were gonna be."
Harry kept the smile, but sighed, shoulders slumping as he went to Eggsy. He
put a hand on the boy's back and led him down the steps. "Eggsy, if you're
curious, you don't have to hide it. That was Sean. He's planning a surprise
party for one of our coworkers and needs my help to set it up." Harry led them
into the kitchen and took down two bowls before getting out the ice cream,
forcing tension out of the line of his body as he moved.
Eggsy turned bashful, or something akin to it; he watched Harry with a silence
that was unusual for him. Harry could practically hear Eggsy’s thoughts turning
in his head, though not the content. "How many people do you work with?" Eggsy
finally asked. "I know there has to be people making the stuff in the shop, but
I've only ever seen you and Landon and that one clerk."
Harry raised his brows curiously at the question. "About a half dozen or more,
I suppose. Not all of us work the same hours and they're not all tailors of
course. Some are assistants, some are investors. We also have very close
relations with the hatters over at Lock & Co and several other businesses of
the like, many I've known for years, some who've passed the tradition down
through families. Savile Row can be a tight-knit bunch." He scooped ice cream
for them both and found chocolate syrup to go with it, spreading a good amount
over each before Harry handed a bowl to Eggsy and made his way back to the
living room.
Harry's answer wasn't satisfactory. Doubt suffused Eggsy's features, although
the boy was doing his best to hide it. They resettled on the couch and began
digging into their treats, but neither of them was watching the program
anymore.
"Harry? How come... you have to do stuff with him reg'lar, if it's a surprise
party? Don't you just plan it, and have it, and that's it?"
"That wasn't about the party." Harry admitted with a frown. His next words were
more tentative. "Sean is...going through some personal issues right now, and he
asked me if I'd be willing to listen and offer advice. It might not be
something that's going to be solved any time soon. Planning a party might take
his mind off things for a while." Harry scraped up the last of his ice cream
and set the bowl down. He leaned forward and offered Eggsy the barest hint of a
smile. "I know he may seem rather detached, but there's more to that man than
you might think."
"...oh." Eggsy frowned into his bowl. He tried to think about what sorts of
things Landon might be going through, but he came up with nothing. Eggsy had a
difficult time even understanding just how Harry and Landon were friends. The
other man didn't strike him as bad, anymore, but even after they'd gone places
together while Harry was abroad, Landon had seemed strange. "Like what? I
mean... I guess it's kinda weird that you're friends, but I don't ever see you
hang out or talk, 'cept for now."
Harry leaned back into the couch and let his arm wrap around Eggsy's shoulders,
allowing his body to relax. It wasn't quite like they'd been before, but it was
something. "It can be like that when you've been friends with someone for a
long time. You don't need to see them very often to know they've still got your
back. We see each other at work most days, and usually that's enough. I'm not
sure that he'd appreciate me confessing his troubles to anyone he didn't decide
to confide in himself, however. I think you can appreciate such sentiment, Mr.
'I've never grassed anyone up'." Harry glanced over to Eggsy. "Speaking of
which, we really ought to work on your guilty babbling when you've been caught
out. If you want to keep up that motto."
"Wh-what? I don't," Eggsy spluttered, eyes wide. His spine straightened in
indignation. "I ain't guilty and I'm not babblin'. I just came to get you and
heard a bit, is all. I still don't really understand how you two are friends,
either. You just seem so... different." Night and day, when Eggsy thought about
it. The boy had a difficult time understanding how Harry and Landon had decided
that they wanted anything to do with one another at all, they seemed such
opposites.
Harry let a knowing smirk spread across his features. "Mhmm, we are. But I
don't suppose that is why you looked so very guilty when I opened the door to
find you at the top of the stairs?" Colour infused Eggsy's cheeks and it was a
delight for Harry's eyes. A strong blush looked good on Eggsy, even if it, too,
was telling. Harry touched Eggsy's cheek with the back of his knuckles. "I
don't mind if you're curious, but I really do mean it. You need to learn how to
deflect better when you want to."
"It's always worked before," Eggsy muttered, thinking back on every time he'd
gotten away with a lie. His mother had believed most of them, and so had store
clerks. Teachers, however, had been a different story, likely because they
heard the same pack of lies from the student body every year. "I thought I was
pretty good at it. I..."
Eggsy shot an anxious look at Harry. He was quiet for a few seconds, but after
searching Harry's face, the boy plucked up his courage and gambled that Harry
would be understanding. "I nicked stuff, before I came to live with you, but
nobody noticed even when they came to ask me 'bout it. They just believed what
I said."
Harry nodded, considering. That was a good sign. "Perhaps they believed you
because you were a little more confident? I know you can get nervous around me.
Or when the topic of conversation is about me." Harry's lip lifted. "You are
also very cute. Store clerks might have a difficult time believing you’re up to
no good. I, however, know better." Harry danced his fingertips down Eggsy's
side and let his thumb rub against the boy's hip in a very suggestive motion.
"You know me. I'm always up to no good," Eggsy shot back, a little prideful
from the compliment and grinning while Harry's thumb slid back and forth. "I
guess... it's different with them, 'cause I really don't care. What they think,
I mean. I don't know them or nothin', but I do know you, and you matter t'me."
"I think you may have something there. Which means the only remedy is
practice." Harry pulled Eggsy closer and kissed him on the cheek. "You'll feel
more comfortable if you ever have to face your mother like that again. Or Sean.
Or anyone else for that matter." Harry pulled back and admired Eggsy. The boy
was looking up at him with eyes with delicately long lashes, half shy and half
coy. There was nothing more beautiful in the world than Eggsy Unwin in that
moment, so Harry pressed his lips to Eggsy’s gently and thought not to take
this time for granted.
Eggsy had very quickly learned how susceptible Harry was to his charms. The
more Harry praised him and displayed an appreciation for his looks and
personality, the more Eggsy blossomed. Harry was beginning to lament ever
mentioning that Eggsy could influence him, because the boy had taken the idea
and begun to run with it. Eggsy didn't want to have a conversation about how
poor a liar he was, and so Harry felt a tongue try to lick its way into his
mouth the moment they kissed. At the same time, a smaller hand pressed against
his waist, tugging his shirt out from its neat tucked-in lines.
"I can see right through you, you know," Harry mumbled into their kiss. Eggsy
just kept going and half of Harry felt like rolling his eyes. The other half,
however.... Harry felt his shirt come free and small, warm hands reach
underneath. Even he couldn't be tempted to give this up. Harry pulled back for
a breath and fixed his gaze on Eggsy, impatient as he was. "Tomorrow. We're
going to talk about this tomorrow," Harry warned him. "It's a very important
skill."
"Ok, sure." Eggsy agreed readily enough. He had a child's confidence that he
could put this off - the uncomfortable talk, and the consequences. He was
putting off thinking about other things too: Harry's comment about going soft,
half-heard as the older man walked up the stairs to his office while Eggsy
snuck along behind him. The boy didn't know what it meant, and didn't really
want to think about it, or about Landon and Harry talking him through his
problems. Eggsy had the sugary taste of ice cream on his tongue, and Harry in
front of him, and tomorrow seemed a long ways off.
===============================================================================
The next day at work was gruelling at best while headquarters investigated
whispers of a massive missile smuggling effort crossing Turkey. Harry was only
just able to get away on time thanks to Lancelot and two of the night shift
handlers taking over the watch and mission if their intel proved correct.
Just another day at the office, Harry thought as he made his way out of the
shop and down Savile Row. This street, as busy as it was, always seemed like a
bubble to him. No matter what happened in the world outside, no matter where he
flew off to during the day or in the middle of the night, walking through
Savile Row always felt the same.
The door of the cafe on the corner chimed as Harry entered. He ordered an
espresso and biscuits and scoped out a table in the back, thankful the shop
wasn't too busy.
A quarter hour passed before Merlin crossed the threshold.
Merlin never looked terribly out of place, no matter where he went. He never
quite reached the formality that some of the Knights tended towards, but
neither was he completely casual. The result was that he blended to a greater
degree no matter what environment he was in, whenever he bothered to venture
away from the Kingsman shop or HQ proper. Merlin could have been anyone, just
one more London resident with a shaved head in dress trousers and a jumper,
ordering a coffee and taking in the atmosphere of the shop.
Minutes ticked by before Merlin wandered over and settled in the chair across
from Harry. "Good to see you. I'd ask how things are at home, but I already
know."
Harry's mouth lifted into a smile. "Of course you do." He brought his cup to
his lips and they both sipped in silence. "He and I will be beginning work
tonight, with your input. I expect it will take time, but I also have a feeling
he won't be terrible at it in the end. He's already had a bit of practice.
Lifting from shops and the like." Harry turned the mug in his hands and watched
his reflection in the ripples of black before he looked up at Merlin, trying to
gauge the other man's expression.
"Don't let him charm you into doing a sloppy job of it. I wouldn't enjoy seeing
you reap the consequences, nor the difficulty involved in extracting you from
them." Merlin paid more attention to Harry than his own mug, which had barely
been touched. He didn't return Harry's easy smile. "His getting away with petty
theft doesn't mean that he has any inherent skill for lying. Dexterity, maybe,
but he's young enough, and caucasian enough, for clerks to overlook him as a
suspect. Or for them to assume that any nervousness he has is the general
anxiety of youth towards authority figures, rather than a sign of guilt."
"True," Harry admitted, "but it does mean he won't be starting with nothing.
Although I'll admit, working with him in this manner will be difficult. I still
want him to like me." Harry sighed. "He has a lot of questions about you, you
know. Thinks we're night and day." Harry allowed himself a wry smile at that.
"I suppose he would though. If you saw last night....he decided to follow me
around and I had to make up an excuse to see you. Feels like I'm sneaking out
of the house. He's a curious little thing." Harry shook his head and took
another sip.
"You didn't tell him anything, did you?" Harry had the satisfaction of hearing
a strained note in Merlin's tone. Sure enough, a frown had creased the man's
brow. "Bad enough that he can endanger you. I'd rather not have to worry about
him turning into a potential liability for myself as well."
Merlin raised his mug to take a sip, then paused. Harry could feel the man's
stare drilling into him. "You're growing complacent, if you let an
inexperienced boy tail you and eavesdrop when skilled professionals have never
escaped your notice. Have you made any contingency plans? If he's listening in
on your phone calls, he may very well start nosing about in your house."
"I'm well aware." Harry glanced down into his mug. Merlin was right. Even now
Harry had one ear and a percentage of his attention on the room around them,
the customers that came and went. It was a skill he'd learned never to turn off
in the presence of others, but Eggsy had slipped through that sense and into
the familiarity of his home instead. "Making an excuse for you was simple
enough. The weaponry in my house is hidden away well, and unless he learns to
match your skills overnight there is no way he's getting into my home
computer."
"It's hidden away well, from the perspective of an adult. I shouldn't have to
be the one lecturing you on this, but children think differently." Merlin fell
silent as another patron passed by their table, just a little too close. His
gaze followed them until they passed and were well out of earshot. "He'll see
the environment from different angles. He'll think to try things that
experienced adults won't. He may even find something by accident."
"Then I'll go over it again." Harry lifted his gaze and fixed Merlin with it.
"Look. I know what your theoretical concerns are. What I need are details.
Possibly someone to test him on keeping a straight face after I've had time to
work with him for a while. Sometime in the next month you're going to have to
spend time with him while I'm not in the room and ask him some pointed
questions. And we're going to have to keep doing that until he can get away
with it." Harry wasn't smiling any longer.
"Details," Merlin repeated. His fingers tapped against the side of his mug,
sending ripples through the dark liquid, a tangle of curved lines that wove
together even as they altered one another. "He's very poor at concealing
anything of note about you. General questions are fine, but if you ask him how
you two met and how your friendship developed, he hesitates too much, which
means he's deciding on the spot just what to omit, add, or exaggerate. He
doesn't criticize you, which isn't terribly strange, but too much of an
attitude of hero worship is a red flag for someone that harbors suspicions. He
was more curious about my relationship with you than he was in getting to know
who I am. He eagerly reached for any additional information about you. He
became noticeably anxious when I asked too many questions about you, and tried
to cover his nervousness by becoming overtly hostile."
Merlin raised an eyebrow. "He also has no ability to hide his... interest when
looking and photos of you. His subconscious reactions are quite strong."
"Not sure I want to discourage that." Harry smiled into his cup. "But the
rest.... I will have to work on the rest. At least I can be fairly certain that
under direct questioning he'd be nervous enough not to arouse that particular
interest, as it were, if someone were to hand him photos of me. And they don't
do the invasive version of that test on children," Harry muttered into the cup
before he put it down. "I do think your follow up judgement would be beneficial
though, even if he's not going to be happy about it."
"He was unhappy enough the first time. I think he would have shouted at me, if
it weren't for the fact that he knew it wouldn't do any good and the fact that
you left me in charge of his well-being. As it was, it took me quite a while to
get him to warm to me." Merlin wasn't particularly surprised by that. Few
people ever seemed to warm to him, so the fact that Eggsy had begun to mildly
like him at all was a major achievement.
Harry felt a new weight settle in his chest. "I'd rather not make him hate you.
You're also the only one I've instructed him to call upon if ever anything
happens to me," Harry sighed and steadily drained his cup. “…I'll think of
something. And I'll just have to work with him myself, no matter how unhappy he
becomes with me during such sessions." He knew it was a cheap way out, foisting
such a thing upon Merlin, although if Eggsy did become too accustomed to Harry
to be intimidated by him, he'd have no other choice.
"And here is exemplified everything undesirable about interpersonal
relationships," Merlin quipped, frowning into his mostly-untouched cup. Harry
was a shadow at the corner of his vision, commanding the bulk of his focus and
yet not a flicker of eye contact. "Everything is far more complicated and messy
than it should be. Too much worrying about how the dynamic might change or
things might be lost."
Harry's face spread into a slow smile in spite of himself. "Ever the optimist,
aren't you? Don't stay grumpy too long now, I might invite you over again just
for the hell of it," he threatened. "But speaking of, I'd best be off. Wouldn't
want to go home and find everything's changed, after all." Harry plucked his
cup from the table. "And, regarding your little project, I should have the
results in a day or two."
Merlin glared. Both of them knew the expression meant nothing. Merlin's
irritation would fade, and he wouldn't consider cutting Harry off. They were
too close for that, and too bound together by secrets and necessities. "Good. I
should hate to think we're getting too terribly one-sided. More pro bono and
less quid pro quo, if even that. I am only looking out for you, but you have to
take that help."
A frown tugged at Harry's mouth and he paused. "You know I'd help you.
Regardless." He broke their gaze and sighed. "And I do appreciate your help."
Harry had come into this acting like Merlin’s help was a certainty, but Harry
had been certain, in spite of all the man's hesitation, that Merlin would.
Merlin, however, was not one to be cajoled. And Harry had no idea if Merlin
believed him when he said that, but with over a decade of partnership, of
trusting Merlin to have his back....well, that did mean Harry was willing to do
a lot for the man.
Something had changed. Not to the point of danger - Harry was certain of that -
but something subtle. Merlin had grumbled and complained, but that was his
nature, and he'd willingly gone to take care of Eggsy and the household while
Harry was on assignment. He'd tested the boy of his own initiative, gone beyond
the bare minimums of the caretaking Harry had requested, and was following up
out of concern for Harry's safety.
All of that was true, but something was eating at Merlin. Harry could spot it
in the sharp glint of his eyes, the same nettling look he tended to reserve for
fresh trainees or lower ranked members who'd begun to irritate him. A wall was
going up. "I know you do. Go home. You have your own project to attend to."
Harry nodded, feeling his own face fall to mirror the flatness, and rose out of
his seat. "Till next time."
Harry left Merlin in the shop and made his way through the light throng of
pedestrians under the grey sky outside, none of them the wiser about him. Just
as these people had never been the wiser about any of the dealings of Kingsman.
It was a strange sense to be separate in the world, but not alone.
That night, after Harry came home and cooked dinner, he made good on his plan
to spread Eggsy out over his desk before bed.
At first Eggsy complained about the sharp wood, but not for very long. Harry
was quickly learning what Eggsy liked and didn't, and what made the boy relax.
Within minutes, Eggsy was loose-limbed and looking up at Harry with the same
trusting awe and love that Harry was beginning to get used to in the very best
ways. The lights were on, giving an illusion of danger that their silhouettes
might be seen by someone outside, and even that didn't discourage Eggsy. After
a few questioning looks in Harry's direction, Eggsy stopped eying the windows.
Windows, however, weren't what Eggsy needed to worry about if he was concerned
about being seen.
Harry bent low over Eggsy to kiss him. After all the prep he’d done to relax
the boy, Harry could line up and slide inside slowly him without too much
discomfort.
The conversation with Merlin had settled in the far back of Harry's mind, and
it was hard to think about thee man watching when Harry had Eggsy under him
like this. So Harry held the boy beneath him and whispered filthy, loving words
in Eggsy's ear, and by the time they were both spent and Harry had gathered
Eggsy, trembling, up in his arms and off to clean up before bed, Harry's mind
was clear.
===============================================================================
Benjamin Tranter's home was as bland as his name. The Tranter family's
residence was new, like everything else in their lives: new promotion, new
marriage, new furniture, and a shiny new car tucked into the little garage.
Harry turned off a simple security alarm without trouble and began to walk the
ground floor, feeling a bit like he was exploring a set on a stage. Only the
mess of a young child and the presence of real food in the kitchen belied the
fact that this was, indeed, someone's real home. A few someone's, all who were
asleep upstairs.
The only inconvenient aspect to Harry's little scouting mission was that he
knew Merlin would want more than just a night vision recording. This wasn't for
technical detail, it was to hold onto later--and so Harry went about with a
small torch in one hand to light the camera's path. He was careful to draw the
shades first and he was thorough in his walk of the premises.
Merlin had chosen a family, a newly well-to-do family, for a reason and so
Harry was diligent in taking in those details, everything from the new
stainless steel refrigerator to the big screen telly and all of the child's
playthings he could find scattered across the carpet. He focused on family
photos and a few handwritten letters stuck to the fridge--well wishes from the
in-laws.
Harry stepped around the toys with ease, keeping the camera level as he moved
into the den. Mr. Tranter hadn't collected much to put in there yet, just a
desk with a few baubles and a small bookcase--something to show guests,
perhaps, but not a place the man spent a lot of time.
With the lower level finished, Harry turned off the torch and tested the stairs
before he made his way up.
The staircase was solid and well-built. Mr. Tranter couldn't afford one of the
older homes scattered throughout London that had been gutted and remodeled into
a modern style. Nor did he want to err on the side of thrift and move his
budding family into a cheaper building that had been slowly sliding towards
decay. The carpet still smelled faintly of chemicals from when it had been put
down, and the walls were uniform and white, with doorways on the first floor
opening onto the hallway with regular spacing. Mass-produced, like others on
the street that pressed in on either side.
Tranter's family could be any family. Harry supposed that that was the point.
Harry moved down the hallway more cautiously now. Floorboards creaking was very
unlikely in such a new building, but using a torch wouldn't be wise.
He went to the door of the young boy's room first. At three years old, his
parents hadn't closed it all the way, and after a brief pause, Harry confirmed
the child inside was fast asleep by the pattern of his breathing. Carefully,
Harry readied the camera and pushed back the door just enough to slip inside.
The child had a small bed in one corner, with dinosaur print blankets and a
chalkboard tacked up to one wall and a shelf of children's books up on the
other. Panning slowly across the room revealed, not to Harry's surprise, that
almost everything was new. He caught himself imagining Eggsy in such a space at
that age, and while his mind could put the picture together, it was difficult
to connect the idea to the present even when he took a single step closer to
catch the little slumbering figure within the frame of the lens.
As soon as Harry had gotten what he needed, he moved to the parents' room.
Mr. Tranter's wife had clearly decorated the room, from the look of things. One
large vanity with a mirror lurked in one corner of the room, while the walls
were hung with framed pictures of floral arrangements and small tables were set
with pointless decorations: empty vases, bowls full of wooden spheres, and
abstract metal sculptures. All were likely ordered right from the catalog of
some big box store. Only the bed and dressers looked older. Scratches were
borne like scars, marks from the transition into a new life in a new house.
Benjamin and his wife Olivia slept on, oblivious to the additional presence in
the room. Mr. Tranter was curled around his wife, one arm loosely settled
around her waist. Both were young, of an average to be starting a family
together.
Harry drew as close as he dared, paying careful attention to their breathing
and the placement of his footsteps. The two of them together in peaceful
unawareness filled the screen. It was a little eerie in how comatose they were,
but it was probably the most poignant shot Harry had taken that night. They
didn't look particularly happy in sleep, and Harry could not determine if they
were, but they had all the trappings of it around them.
When he left the room he made careful stock of the house one more time, noting
latches on the windows, electrical boxes, fire alarms, anything he might need
to be aware of should he ever infiltrate the house again. He parted the window
curtains as they'd been when he'd arrived, and as he left, continued filming
all the way out into the street for as long as he could.
===============================================================================
Life with Eggsy was better than Harry had dreamed. The boy seemed to flourish
in his household: every day, Eggsy grew bolder, seeking out Harry's help for
homework and school problems as well as other things. He grew physically bolder
as well. Once the terror of the unknown became more familiar to him, Eggsy was
no longer so nervous about sex. More often than not, he was the one seeking
Harry out, finishing his homework early so that they could spend the evening
together, or attempting something provocative in the hopes that Harry would
respond the way he wanted.
Harry had to keep the shades drawn nearly all the time now, but it was a very
small price to pay. Every day he was eager to come home to the boy, eager to
make dinner, to take Eggsy out, or to stay in, to help Eggsy with whatever he
wanted and to keep him wrapped up in Harry’s arms for as long as he could.
The most amazing thing was that Eggsy was happy. Harry cherished that.
Even when, not long after he'd spoken to Merlin over their coffee shop meeting,
Harry had to sit the boy down and tell him they needed to talk the way he
responded to questions about Harry. Eggsy had gotten out of it before, but
Harry was serious this time, and slowly, very slowly, Harry worked out a method
of practising Eggsy's skills at lying.
It started simple enough at first. Harry talked a lot about the tells
interrogators looked for, unconscious things people did when they were under
pressure, but eventually it progressed into Harry taking on the role of the
questioner, gently at first, so that Eggsy could practise.
Eggsy needed reassurance after each interrogation. He wasn't used to seeing
Harry as an antagonist, nor to lying to him. Lies and subterfuge seemed
contrary to the trust and bond that had formed between them, and so each lesson
ended with Eggsy tucked close in Harry's embrace, listening to the older man's
praise of what he'd done well while trying to fight back his feelings of guilt.
Over the weeks, Eggsy improved. He learned not to fidget, and how to calmly
return eye contact. He learned to take his time answering, and how to avoid
stammering and stuttering. Eggsy became proficient at keeping track of his lies
so that he could maintain one fluid story throughout questioning, and he slowly
got better at not panicking when confronted and put on the spot.
Several times Harry thought of bringing "Sean" over to truly test Eggsy's
confidence, but every time he thought about it he couldn't help but remember
the subtlest amount of sentiment Merlin revealed to him over coffee. And he
remembered reviewing the footage of the short week Merlin had spent with Eggsy,
how striking the difference was between them from the time Merlin arrived to
the time he'd left. Ultimately, Harry decided against it and instead took Eggsy
out among the public with the goal of convincing whoever Harry had them speak
to that Harry was Eggsy's father. Eggsy took to that far quicker than he took
to facing Harry directly, and Harry decided that would be good enough.
After several weeks had passed in the strange, but enjoyable routine they'd
created, Harry sat Eggsy down at the table and told him he had spoken to
Eggsy's case worker and the police, and Harry's lawyers thought he had a very
good shot of fighting Michelle for permanent custody.
"Really?" Eggsy had dropped into his chair easily enough, a soda in hand. Such
treats were easier to come by in a household with a much larger salary, and a
head who was prone to indulgence. The boy who faced Harry was worlds away from
the shy little thing that had reluctantly accepted his help and quivered at the
thought of confessing his feelings. "It's gonna have to be really good. I
thought this kinda stuff always went to family, unless you could show that
family was beatin' up on them, or the like."
"Ah yes, well, it turns out that your mother has had quite a bit of trouble
getting her life back in order since you've been away," Harry began, leaning
his hip against the edge of the table and folding his arms. "Nothing quite so
bad as what they suspected her to be involved in with Dean, but there's been
enough minor incidents, as well as issues with an increasingly unreliable
income, that when combined might sway a judge in our favour. And considering
your extended family is largely out of the picture....well."
"Is she doin' ok, though? My mum?" Eggsy was thrilled that it was more likely
he'd get to stay with Harry, but that knowledge was tempered by the fact that
his mother was suffering, and would suffer. Michelle wasn't happy that he was
with Harry, and would be even less so once she knew it was no longer a
temporary thing.
Harry frowned. This was a very...sensitive point in the conversation. He'd
known it would be. "I'm afraid some of her bad habits have only gotten worse.
Rhonda didn't tell me this, but...after speaking with the police and after the
inquiries my lawyers have made, it wasn't difficult to put it together. I do
think she'll find her feet again...someday. But I'd rather see to it that you
don't bear the brunt of her struggles in the meantime." Finally Harry pulled up
a chair next to Eggsy. "And you know you'd be able to see her whenever you like
if you stay with me."
Eggsy struggled not to show how upset he was. Harry hadn't said it outright,
but Eggsy knew what he meant: Michelle had been drinking again. The boy could
easily imagine it, how the glass bottles tucked away in the lower kitchen
cabinets would multiply and overflow. They'd been numerous enough when he lived
there, and not well hidden. Maybe they now perched openly around the flat like
the grotesqueries that covered old churches, huddled on every platform and
tucked into every nook where they could fit. "What if... she doesn't want to
come, though? I... I think she didn't want to take me back here, last time,"
Eggsy admitted. "You know, when I told you she told me that I was only sayin'
stuff because you told me to say it? She got all funny as we were coming back,
like when we had to walk through bad parts of London."
"If she won't come to visit you, then I can certainly take you to visit her,"
Harry scowled. "I had wondered when I saw the two of you out the window if I'd
have to chase her down the street to get you back." Harry took a long look at
Eggsy. "But I would. Get you back. If anything like that ever does happen, I
would make sure of it." He reached between them and squeezed Eggsy's hand.
Harry could imagine many scenarios where such a thing could occur, but none of
them he intended to let happen, no matter how desperate Michelle became.
"I just don't want to fight with her. Y'know?" Eggsy shifted closer and tucked
himself into the offered arm. By then, he was used to seeking out Harry for
physical reassurance as well as emotional, and not embarrassed to do so. "I
wish we didn't have to hide everything, so I could just tell her and have her
understand. I know I gotta lie to everyone about it, but it's not fair. I
should just be able to say where I want to go and what I wanna do, but adults
don't listen."
Harry bent over him and pressed a kiss to Eggsy's head. "I know," Harry sighed.
"Believe me, I know." Harry stroked his hair until Eggsy was relaxed against
him. Harry felt the weight of the near future, but it was what had to be done.
If he wanted to keep Eggsy.... And he did very much want to keep Eggsy. The
soft strands under Harry’s nose ruffled when he sighed, and it made him
remember all the time, the years, he'd thought about touching Eggsy's hair,
about running his hands over Eggsy's body, about knowing what it would feel
like to have Eggsy looking up at him with such fondness in his eyes. And then,
to the furthest reaches of his fantasies, to know what it was like to see Eggsy
shooting coy looks at him, beckoning Harry over with eyes full of love and
desire. There was no way Harry was going to give that up. "We'll get through
it."
"What's gonna happen when I get older?" Eggsy's head turned until he could
press his ear against Harry's chest and listen to his heart. "I mean, I gotta
lie about stuff now. And I prob'ly gotta lie about when we met and when we
started doin' stuff, once I get older. But do I have to lie forever? People are
gonna know that you took care of me, so... if we're honest about some stuff
later, are people gonna act weird about it?"
"Eggsy....," Harry sighed softly. "A lot is going to change when you get older.
You'll grow up. There will be new things you want, and you might...not always
feel the same about me as you do now." Harry held up a finger before Eggsy
could pull free of his grip to turn and counter him. "Now, before you deny all
that, I want you to know that I will be here for you, regardless. And if that
never happens, if you still want to be with me when you're older, well then
yes, we'll tell everyone we got together after you turned eighteen and damn the
lot of them to prove otherwise."
"I'm not gonna feel different," Eggsy grumbled, but that was all the
protestation that Harry received. Harry ended up feeling it instead, from the
way that the boy clung to him possessively. That had been yet another strange
and oddly thrilling part of the way their relationship was evolving; Eggsy
still reacted to the difference in size between them, but it hadn't made Eggsy
unusually pliant. He'd become demanding and protective in his own way, as much
as was possible for such a young boy. "I don't wanna leave."
Harry gave a soft laugh. "You feel that way now. Time, however, has a way of
changing all things." He looked down at Eggsy, half out of his chair and half
in Harry's lap, arms wound around Harry's middle like an octopus. "Still,
nothing to worry about now. Not for a long time." Harry pulled Eggsy all the
way into his lap and forced the boy to meet his eyes. "So, what do you say. Do
you still want to live with me? And are you absolutely sure?"
"Yeah." Eggsy considered being flippant about his response, then thought twice.
If he was too brash and confident about it, Harry might decide that he wasn't
serious or, worse, that he wasn't mature and ready enough to make such a
decision and talk to other adults about it. "Yeah, I'm really sure. So long as
I can visit with my mum and all, I wanna stay here." There was little to drive
Eggsy to want to go back, particularly now that he knew his mother's habits had
gotten worse. Part of him still wanted to go back just to help her, but
Michelle had never listened to his concerns about her drinking before, or the
impulsive splurging that happened every now and then.
One corner of Harry's mouth turned up. "Okay then, it's settled. Rhonda called
yesterday to let me know your mother's investigation will be ending any day
now, officially. When that happens I'm going to schedule a date to contest
custody for you. The judge will hear us out, and then decide."
Harry knew that the timing was important. He couldn't make his decision seem
planned yet he also couldn't make it seem rash. Coordination with Michelle's
investigation ending and the counter measures Harry had put in place in his
favour were key as well.
"Us, or just you? Nobody's been really interested in what I want before now."
Eggsy considered for a moment, then shifted uncomfortably. He turned to look at
Harry, too upset and lost in his own thoughts to take much notice of Harry's
approval. "What if my mum gets mad at me? Like, what if she gets so mad I'm not
saying what she wants, that she doesn't want to ever see me again?"
"I might be able to request that the judge speak with you in private. It isn't
so uncommon in cases like these that you be able to present a statement to her
directly." Harry let his fingers drift down the back of Eggsy's neck, the
gesture familiar and comforting. "But I do think in this instance that she will
want to hear your opinion. It won't be the only factor in her decision, but
I've looked into cases she's handled in the past and I think it's likely."
Harry felt Eggsy's hesitation. "Your mother will still be upset, but she won't
know what you said."
Eggsy nodded. He preferred that. His mother had been hurt enough in life
without needing to hear that her own son didn't want to live with her anymore.
"Do you think I'll do ok? With the judge, I mean. Because she's probably gonna
ask why I don't wanna go back, and I can't tell her the truth about everything.
Do you think we've practiced enough?"
Harry nodded. "I think you'll do well enough. It'll be more than understandable
if you're nervous, but you've gotten a grasp on the most telling points. The
important thing is that it shouldn't sound too rehearsed. You'll write a
statement to give to her beforehand, but she'll want to hear it in your words
as well. You know what topics to avoid and how to respond if, on the very rare
chance, she asks. You'll be okay." Harry gave Eggsy's back a reassuring rub.
Harry said it, and so it must be true. Eggsy felt relief wash over him. Harry
had a way with things that was almost magical, and if he was certain that Eggsy
would do fine, then Eggsy began to feel more confident. Harry was very skilled
at predicting how things were going to go, and Eggsy trusted his judgment.
"Since I don't get to change anything in our bedroom, can I at least change
some stuff in the one I'm supposed to be in, once we know I'm stayin'? It's not
like I never go in there."
Harry laughed and let his head fall back, relaxed. "Yes, I suppose I'll have to
get used to games and posters and all that soon enough. You can do what you
like with your room. Within reason." Harry ruffled Eggsy's hair. So far, Eggsy
had been very good about not leaving too much of a mess. Or perhaps it was
simply that he didn't have many things. He did leave his books and the game boy
and clothes spread out for Harry to pick up or risk tripping over, but it
wasn't the sort of mess some part of the back of Harry's mind had dreaded upon
bringing a child into his home.
"Awesome." A wide smile spread across the boy's face. Undoubtedly he was
planning the changes that he was going to make to the room - something bright,
obnoxious, and at complete odds with the character of the rest of the house. "I
was gonna ask... how come you've got so many butterflies? And your office is
full of Sun papers? It's not bad, just weird is all."
"Ah. Well, the butterflies...there is a certain beauty to them, don't you
think? Their wings spread wide, colours still vivid, captured forever in time
as they are. It's a weakness of mine to collect such pretty things, if a bit
odd." Harry caught Eggsy's eye with a small smile. "And the papers, I do
believe those are a story for another time," he sighed. "Right now, it's time
for bed."
"It's just weird though. Butterflies are kinda girly. No offense," Eggsy added
as Harry dropped a hand onto his shoulder and steered him towards the stairway.
"It don't seem like you. Not with the rest of the house and all. Everything
else is pretty similar to what I'd have thought a posh house might look like,
with all the fancy stuff and wood everything."
Harry gave a soft snort. "Let me have a little individuality."
Their walk up the stairs, Harry turning lights off as they went, was familiar
now, comfortable even. Eggsy could almost lean back into Harry, and Harry would
have held him up if he tried.
"Pyjamas," Harry instructed and shooed Eggsy off to find a pair while Harry
brushed his teeth and changed himself. It was almost...routine.
Eggsy changed quickly, shedding one layer to put on another. In no time at all,
he was joining Harry in the toilet, drawing up onto his tiptoes in order to
reach his toothbrush and the tube of paste. Eggsy still thought it strange to
see Harry dishevelled and in casual dress, no matter how many times he saw him
that way. He'd even seen Harry first in more comfortable clothes, but something
about the older man being ensconced in formal wear, with not a hair out of
place, had solidified in his mind. Getting Harry to lose that facade only made
the sight of him in bed that much more thrilling.
Harry of course caught Eggsy watching and shook his head with a half smile and
toothbrush firmly lodged in his mouth before rinsing. Harry let a hand trail
through Eggsy's hair and down his back as he moved out of the way.
Pushing back the door to his room while Eggsy finished up, Harry took a look
around. There were only little signs Eggsy spent time there. One of the boy's
shirts had found its way to the foot of the bed. An extra glass of water sat at
the night stand next to an indentation in the extra pillow, but small as they
were, Harry took comfort in these signs. He pulled back the covers and resisted
giving a meaningful look to the face of the alarm clock, positioned just so
towards the bed. Harry had no idea how often Merlin was watching over them, but
he himself had fallen behind on reviewing his recordings.
There was no way to know, short of asking. Merlin wasn't likely to volunteer
such information. His reviews had to be frequent, given how much he knew about
the situation before Harry told him much of anything, but how often was hard to
say.
Harry's preoccupation was cut short by Eggsy entering the room. The boy was
already rubbing at his eyes by the time he pulled himself up on the other side
of the bed, only struggling a little with the height of the bed frame. Harry
held out an arm and Eggsy scooted into the niche he made without hesitation.
Folding Eggsy in his arms felt like coming home. Harry had always liked this
house, had always enjoyed living alone, but with Eggsy wrapped up like this....
Harry nuzzled into the boy's hair and got a sleepy sound and a little squirm
for his trouble. He couldn't help grinning. He was tired, too, but Harry still
couldn't keep his hands from running down Eggsy's back, a comfort for himself
as much as it was for Eggsy. Harry had learned to force himself to relax over
the years, it was essential if he had any hope of balancing his work, but it
was the rare times like this where the feeling came naturally. He thought about
how nice that was before sleep overtook him.
Chapter End Notes
     Heads up to everyone, next chapter won't be in at least two weeks.
***** Chapter 19 *****
The next week passed in a whirl of preparation for Harry. Eggsy continued on as
usual, dutifully attending school and completing his homework. So dutiful, in
fact, that the school staff thought to comment upon it; Harry was left a
flattering voicemail regarding Eggsy's improved scholastics and effort.
Eggsy was curled up on the sofa, doing his homework while waiting for dinner,
when he heard the phone ring. A call so late usually meant work, or Landon, and
both could mean that the boy's evening would be disrupted as Harry suddenly
left to attend to things. Eggsy set down his work and got to his feet, creeping
towards the kitchen as quietly as he could manage. Harry had already answered
the call, and Eggsy couldn't quite make out the words comprising Harry's half
of the conversation.
Harry stood over the stove, phone against his ear in one hand and fork flipping
sausages in the other. He was making noises of affirmation and didn't look
tense. Although Harry rarely looked tense.
"Tomorrow then? And we're ready?" Harry gave a pleased hum at whatever was said
on the other end of the call. He stirred the boiling vegetables before laying
down the spoon and leaning his hip against the stove, visibly focusing his
attention on the call. "I need you to be absolutely sure. We can hold this off
if necessary." Harry turned just so and Eggsy could see the corner of his mouth
lift. "Good to hear it. We'll be there." He ended the call and set the phone
atop the counter, turning back to the stove.
"I have some good news for you, Eggsy," Harry said without looking over his
shoulder, like he'd known Eggsy was there the whole time. "We'll be going in to
court tomorrow."
"How is that good?" Harry continued cooking like his announcement wasn't
anything to be concerned about, but Eggsy wasn't so self-assured. Court meant
that it was finally happening: he was going to have to fight against his mother
in order to stay with Harry. Eggsy felt like the bottom of his stomach had
dropped out. He knew that going to court would have to happen eventually, but
he also hadn't wanted it to be anytime soon. "Doesn't that mean that they want
me to leave, tomorrow? What if I have to go? What if... mum is there, and she
asks me questions, and gets all angry at me? Or starts crying?"
Harry set down the fork and turned. There was a softness in his face that Eggsy
knew was for him. Harry held out his hand for Eggsy to come to him and when
Eggsy did, Harry held him against his side. "There is a good chance she will be
very upset tomorrow. You're right about that. However, the sooner this starts,
the sooner it'll end. You don't have to talk to her. You don't have to say
anything at all. In fact, if you want to wait outside, so you don't have to see
her, you may." Harry brushed his thumb over Eggsy's cheek. "You'll have to be
present for subsequent hearings, but Michelle and I are the ones who need to be
there, legally, for this one."
"Are you sure?" Eggsy knew that, if he wasn't there, his mother was going to
assume that Harry was machinating everything. On the other hand, she was likely
to assume that anyway. Even from the start, Michelle had disliked and been
suspicious of Harry, jumping to conclusions about what he'd been doing and what
his intentions were. Michelle hated Harry for representing the loss of her
husband, and she would hate him even more once he became symbolic of the loss
of her son. Eggsy leaned into Harry's touch and let his gaze drop to the floor.
"I just... I hate seein' her upset. I don't want to see and hear her yellin' at
you, or at me, and I know she's gonna do that."
"I can take the yelling. And I am sure. If you don't want to be there you don't
have to be," Harry reassured the boy. "The judge will receive my notice through
my lawyers before the hearing even begins. It is on rather short notice, but it
will be a surprise only for Michelle and her representation. I have Rhonda's
statements to prove that you are safe and well at my home and I have evidence
that you would not remain so if I were to give you over to your mother's care.
I don't anticipate the judge will send you back to her while we're sorting this
out."
Eggsy nodded. He could only imagine what it would be like if he did have to
temporarily go back. Thinking about it raised further questions, however, and
made him all the more aware of just how little he knew about how his mother was
doing. "...Harry? Do you know if my mum's ok? Besides her name bein' cleared
and all. I just... I worry, 'cause things tend to get really bad when she gets
upset. She'd come back home with someone awful, or spend the night out, or
spend a lot of money on stuff or alcohol and the like, and then she'd feel
worse about stuff, and then things would get even worse because she'd be even
more upset."
Harry gave a sigh and slouched against the stove, not letting Eggsy out of his
arms. "I don't know if she's doing ok," he admitted. "I do know that she's
still in communication with Dean, that she's gone to see him several times
since he's been transferred to prison. I know that the police have been called
on multiple occasions over the past several weeks on noise complaints and when
they arrived, found your mother drunk and alone. She still has her job, but
she's missed a lot of work. The lawyers I've hired have been investigating all
this, and...I don't know much more than they've told me, but they've told me
enough. Eggsy, I really don't think it would be best for you to go back to her
right now. Even if you feel guilty about it. Not when she's like this."
The more Eggsy heard, the more distraught he looked. He'd seen his mother at
her worst before, and that didn't make it any easier to contemplate that they
might be going through the same things all over again... but this time alone,
because he was part of the pain she was feeling. "I... I know, b-but... Can we
help her? I know the NHS has some stuff, but maybe she'd do better if she got
to see a different doctor, or something. She'd never really gone to any of the
support groups, 'cause she was always workin' or at home to take care of me."
Harry gave him a very bleak smile. "I'd be willing to try, but I know your
mother is going to refuse my help." Harry thought for a moment. "I
could...perhaps request the judge order her to get sober, which she might be
inclined to do for your mother's benefit alone, but since I am petitioning to
adopt you permanently, there is little incentive for the court to offer her in
return."
Eggsy’s face crumbled and Harry quickly moved to lower the burners before he
lifted Eggsy into his arms, letting him bury his face in Harry's neck.
"I'll tell you what," Harry offered carefully, "When we get through this, I'll
see if I can set something up to be sent to her, anonymously. A grant for a
treatment program or something of the like, something that could have been sent
from the court so she wouldn't suspect me and throw it away."
Eggsy nodded, but he didn't raise his head. Soon enough, Harry felt damp warmth
soaking through his collar and down to his skin. The boy didn't let go or move
away, and his grip was going to become troublesome in a few moments once the
food began to burn around the edges. "It's supposed to be my job. I'm supposed
to take care of her an' I'm terrible at it," Eggsy whispered. "About
everything. I'm supposed to take care of her, since dad's not here, but I
couldn't stop the stuff with her boyfriends, or the drinking, or starving
herself so we had enough money, or none of it."
"No, Eggsy," Harry sighed. "I know I told you that years ago, but I shouldn't
have. You are not supposed to take care of your mum. Only when she's eighty and
living in hospice will it be your job to take care of her. Right now, it is her
job to take care of you." Harry shifted so he could grab the fork with one hand
and turn the sausages again. As soon as he was done, his attention went right
back to Eggsy. "We'll get through this." Harry rubbed his back and stroked his
hair before he set Eggsy back down on the ground.
Eggsy could do nothing but agree. He and Harry would get through things, but
his mother was a bit less certain. Harry was right, however: there was nothing
that Eggsy could really do. He hadn't been able to take care of his mother or
stop her actions when living with her, and he certainly couldn't when living
with Harry. She was an adult, and she had much more power to try to make her
life healthy than he did. No other adults would take Eggsy's word over his
mother's, and he wasn't even old enough to get a job to help out with money.
Harry had said that they could visit, though. Eggsy had to hope that visits
would be enough to keep his mother from being depressed, and keep her motivated
to stay well.
The boy stayed glued to Harry's side while he finished cooking. The gesture was
particularly endearing because of its symbolism; Harry was winning, and it
wasn't due to his connections and covert power from being a Kingsman agent, but
by virtue of the fact that he'd won Eggsy's affection. Nothing would have
worked had Eggsy not decided that he wanted to stay, but he had.
===============================================================================
The next day Harry made his way down to the courthouse alone. He'd called Eggsy
to make sure the boy was certain he didn't want to go, and though Eggsy still
wasn't absolutely sure on that, Harry could hear just how much he didn't want
to see his mum when Harry delivered the news. So much that even the thought of
getting out of school for a few hours hadn't motivated him more. Harry relieved
him of the choice in the end and told Eggsy he would tell him everything that
evening.
The late lunch crowd was dwindling by the time Harry arrived at the front desk,
right on time, and was greeted there by his two very well-funded lawyers. All
were smiles, full of confidence, and Harry was very pleased. Eggsy may have
been anxious to the point of turning green over this, but Harry had no such
troubles. He just had to remember to keep his face impassive as they made their
way down the hall where they were greeted and led to their seats by the clerk's
assistant.
Shortly thereafter, Michelle entered with her own lawyer, a woman in an off-
the-rack suit that didn't speak well either to her level of experience or her
type of clients. Given Michelle's income problems and run-ins with the law, the
lawyer was likely to have been acquired through the Legal Aid Agency. Better
than nothing, to be certain, but not likely to gain much traction against
practiced lawyers from the top firms. Michelle's eyes were red-rimmed and
bloodshot, and full of hatred when she glanced in Harry's direction. She
wavered slightly before taking her seat, and Harry would have bet money that
the vertigo was from heavy drinking the night prior.
Everyone rose again when the three magistrates entered to take their seats,
then quickly sat again. Family cases were small and relatively informal, even
with cases as unusual as a non-relative petitioning for custody.
The lead magistrate cleared his throat. "While the charges against Michelle
Unwin have officially been dropped, we convene today to hear another matter
brought up by Mr. Harold Hart for the custody of one Gary Unwin. Under normal
circumstances, custody of a child would be automatically rendered onto the
closest blood relative. I understand that a Mr. Hart has petitioned for
alternative custody to be awarded, so that the child in question remains in his
care permanently, rather than as a temporary foster. Present your arguments,
please, and then Ms. Whittier's client will be given a chance to respond."
Harry nodded to his lawyers, Henry Smith and Richard Kern, when they met his
gaze. He heard a sound from across the isle and didn't have to look to know
that Michelle had her hand over her mouth to muffle what must have been a sob.
She and her lawyer couldn't have received the news earlier than a few hours
ago. She'd probably hoped it hadn't been true at all.
Kern, a tall man with thick grey hair swept in a line as neat as Harry's, stood
to deliver their first statements.
"With respect, Mr. Hart has come to believe over the past several months that
his charge, Gary Unwin, had been treated to neglect and negligence while in his
mother's care and to return him to such an environment would be
unconscionable," Kern began. He directed his attention to the magistrate, his
speech clear and unhurried. "It was not uncommon for Michelle to leave her son
alone in the house night after night to cook and care for himself, at nine
years old. The conditions of her residence, as described by Gary himself, sum
up to a two bedroom apartment which Mrs. Unwin lives in constant fear of
eviction due to her chronic inability to pay rent. She has also been described,
by her son Gary, as often unable to provide enough food and basic necessities
of living. The court is aware of her relationship with Dean Baker, who was
directly and violently abusive to Mrs. Unwin and Gary has made note that he has
not been her first boyfriend to do so. Neighbours William Harlow and Sarah
Jefferson have gone on record to confirm this. We have statements from these
neighbours as well as officers Jennifer Landry and Dean Knight that Mrs. Unwin
has had multiple disturbances at her household including, but not limited to,
constant noise complaints involving both herself alone and large gatherings of
friends, fighting, and general drunken and disruptive behaviour. We have
statements that these actions by Mrs. Unwin have not lessened, but rather
increased in the months that she has been investigated for tax fraud and
involvement with Dean Baker."
Kern straightened and let his words sink in. "Due to his mother's increased
drinking habits, unstable vocation, and tendency to involve herself with
violent men, Mr. Hart believes that Gary Unwin simply will not be safe if he
returns to her care."
"I trust that you have copies of the documentation?" When Kern nodded, the lead
magistrate leaned to one side to listen to his colleague for a moment, then
nodded in return. "The documents will be reviewed upon submission. You are
aware, of course, of the sensitive matter of child testimony. Not to be
dismissive, but Gary Unwin will have to appear in a subsequent session to be
interviewed about these statements. We need to be certain that he is not under
duress and hasn't been coached."
Another magistrate, a woman with just a touch of grey in her neat brown bob,
pushed her glasses up her nose. "You've stated your case that Mrs. Unwin is
unfit for custody, but you've not yet provided a reason that Mr. Hart should be
considered as an alternative, rather than with another relative. There is also
the option of giving Mrs. Unwin custody with regular oversight from a social
worker to ensure that the environment is safe and nurturing. Separating
children from their relatives can have a negative effect on their development.
Why should a stranger be considered? It's my understanding from the case file
that, despite Mr. Hart's claim to be a family friend, that he played no part in
Gary Unwin's life for years following the death of the boy's father."
This time Smith, at Harry's other side, stood to answer the magistrate. "You'll
note that Mrs. Unwin's sister, Susan Audley, was originally tasked with caring
for Gary during Mrs. Unwin's investigation. By Ms. Audley's own statements, the
boy did not do well in her care and she felt unable to meet his needs. So
greatly did she feel this way that she had intended to place him with a foster
carer during the rest of the investigation and when Gary learned of this, he
attempted to run away. It should be noted as well that as soon as he was
discovered by the police, it was Mr. Hart who stepped in to offer his home to
the boy while Mrs. Unwin dealt with her legal affairs. Ms. Audley was only too
happy to accept the offer of goodwill. Gary Unwin has been living with Mr. Hart
ever since, with weekly check-ins by Rhonda Nichols, the court's appointed case
worker, and with no further incidents of misbehaviour nor distress."
Smith paused only to make a point of glancing over to Michelle and her council.
"Let it be noted also that Gary Unwin has had no contact with relatives on his
father, Lee Unwin's, side of the family since Mr. Unwin died three years ago,
and what contact they had before that was very minor indeed. Turning Gary over
to a relative of Mr. Unwin's would barely be any different than turning him
over to a stranger. We contest instead that Mr. Hart will be able to provide
for Gary's future with far more resources than Mrs. Unwin has available to her,
in almost every area--in stability, finances, and most importantly, overall
care and attention that Mrs. Unwin has proved to be lacking."
While the magistrates rifled through the files before them to validate Smith's
statements, Whittier bristled next to Michelle. "Gary Unwin has not been
interviewed by a child psychologist to determine whether or not he is still
suffering from distress. My client has noticed unusual behavior during her
court-appointed visits. As we know, case worker check-ins cannot always spot
every problem, particularly if a child has been counseled to behave in a
certain manner or say particular things during check-ins. Additionally, Mr.
Hart is not a licensed foster carer, nor has he been through the process
required by law to adopt a child. The move from fosterage to adoption is a very
serious one, as Mr. Hart is proposing that full legal responsibility be granted
to himself, rather than shared responsibility between my client, the local
authority, and Mr. Hart."
"I would be fully prepared to go through that process," Harry spoke up before
anyone else had time to intervene, just as the magistrates' attention turned to
him.
The magistrate nodded once. "We will need the boy to speak with a court
appointed psychologist, although I see Mr. Hart and his legal team have managed
to acquire statements from Gary's case worker. Mrs. Unwin, unless you can give
us any reason to contest the validity of these statements, any concrete reason
that Gary should not remain with Mr. Hart for the duration of this matter, then
we are going to concede that Gary will remain in his care until we convene
again to settle this. Do you have any such statements to make?"
Michelle's mouth opened and closed silently. She had nothing to tell the court
that they would accept. They had already judged her as lacking based upon her
love life and her poverty. Her feelings of handing her boy over to the man who
had destroyed her life and killed her husband wouldn't have any weight in the
legal system. Her suspicions of Harry were without solid evidence to back them
up, merely a mother's instinct, which could be easily dismissed as only being
part of her bias against Harry Hart. "No, but I beg you to consider... the
emotional toll it would have on my boy, to be separated from the only parent he
has left. I'd do anything to get him back. Accept regular case worker visits,
court oversight on my bank account, whatever it took."
The magistrate nodded to her. "Duly noted, Mrs. Unwin. You'll have until the
second of next month to put up a solid defence. At that time we shall
reconvene. Between now and then, Mr. Hart," the magistrate directed his
attention back to Harry, who met his gaze with confidence, "we'll need you to
set up a meeting between Gary and our psychologist. We'll provide you the
details. This will be a one on one meeting, with no outside influence from
either party. Until then, Gary will remain in your care."
Kern and Smith began packing up their papers with an air of finality, neither
of them smiling, but Harry had a feeling the whole room could sense their
satisfaction. His own, possibly, as well. So he gave a nod to the magistrate
with an air of relief and an open expression. "Thank you," he offered,
sincerely.
"We'll reconvene on the second of November, one month from now. Until then,
you're dismissed." The magistrates, clerk, and assistant all stood.
So did Harry and his lawyers. He had no desire to linger there any longer than
he needed to. Michelle was glancing daggers at him from across the aisle and he
had to get back to work.
Michelle started to rise and walk towards Harry, angry determination in her
eyes, but Mrs. Whittier placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her and began to
talk in a quiet voice that Harry couldn't hear. Michelle had wanted to confront
him, maybe even accuse him, but her lawyer knew better than to allow it. Any
documentation of harassment could damage her claim over Eggsy's custody, and
they simply couldn't afford to risk any more when Harry was already at an
extreme advantage. Wealth wasn't supposed to be a factor in the justice system,
but it often was in reality, and Michelle already had black marks against her
for her poverty, job insecurity, and legal problems.
Harry walked out of the building flanked by his lawyers. Nothing was decided
yet, and yet it already was. It was only a matter of time before the
magistrates ruled in his favor.
===============================================================================
A week later, Harry drove Eggsy to an office in the middle of Belgravia. Court
appointed though this doctor may have been, Harry's lawyers had made certain
they spared no expense at finding the very best professional to asses Eggsy's
welfare. That meant only a short jaunt south from Harry's shop to the doctor's,
Mr. Beasley’s, home office.
It also meant that Eggsy was craning his neck to see the million dollar façades
as they headed down the walk to Mr. Beasley's residence. Harry, by contrast,
kept a calm and steady pace, lingering only enough to let Eggsy catch up after
he repeatedly tried and failed to look into the windows over wrought iron
fences. When Harry finally stopped in front of a stone columned porch, he grew
a little more serious, beckoning Eggsy with an outstretched arm to come in out
of the drizzle. Harry gave him a small smile and a wink before he straightened
and buzzed the door.
Eggsy wasn't sure what to expect. His heart was pounding. He knew that passing
this test was key to him staying with Harry, and yet Harry had given him very
little briefing. The older man had told him that too much meddling would be
visible when the psychologist started to question him, but Eggsy hadn't been
reassured by that. One wrong step could mean everything. One wrong answer might
get Harry into trouble and land him back with his mother.
All Eggsy had to fall back on was the weeks of practise holding eye contact,
lying, and not getting flustered in confrontational situations Harry had put
him through. But that had been with Harry and just a few others here and there
when Harry took him out. Eggsy had no script to guide him here. His words would
be his own.
They were greeted at the door by a young man, rather attractive in fact, with a
bright smile and a well tailored suit. "Ah you must be Mr. Beasley's 4 o'clock,
then? How do you do, I'm Nathaniel, his assistant."
"Harry Hart," Harry smiled and shook the young man's hand. "And this is Gary,
"Eggsy", Unwin."
"Very pleased to meet you." Nathaniel gave Eggsy the same bright smile and
ushered them into a very tasteful foyer. Rich mahogany furniture adorned the
way as Nathaniel led them into a drawing room. "Would you care for any
refreshments? Mr. Beasley will be just a minute."
"Perhaps a cup of tea, thank you," Harry said and Nathaniel hurried off to
fetch the tea and his employer. Harry sat down on one of the leather sofas and
patted the space beside him for Eggsy.
Comfortable as it was, Eggsy couldn't relax and sit still. His feet kicked out
restlessly, still not quite long enough to touch the ground whenever he sat on
a piece of furniture meant for adults. He looked around at the decor and, while
it reminded him of Harry's house vaguely, that wasn't enough to dissuade the
butterflies in his stomach. He looked at Harry, seated next to him, but didn't
speak. Neither of them knew what might be overheard, and they couldn't afford
any doubt regarding Mr. Beasley's testimony on his welfare and state of mind.
After a few minutes, Nathaniel came back with the tea and a few biscuits on a
platter and Harry thanked him. Following the young man, however, was a short,
greying man with a bit of a stomach and a reserved face. One that lit up in the
subtlest way at the sight of Harry and was replaced by a kindly smile, if Eggsy
could have considered anyone that posh to have been kindly, as he entered the
room.
"Ah, Mr. Beasley. Harry Hart," Harry rose and greeted the man with a firm
handshake.
"And you must be Gary?" the man turned to Eggsy, clear eyes bright behind his
glasses.
The boy nodded, suddenly shy under the scrutiny. "Eggsy, please. Nobody calls
me Gary, not even my mum." He got to his feet to shake the man's hand, and only
barely shook the sense of vertigo. So much would depend on how this interview
went. Harry hadn't said as much, but Eggsy knew it. He would have to convince
Mr. Beasley that he wasn't being coerced and really did want to live with
Harry. "Are you ready, then? We get to talk now?"
"Straight to business, hm?" Mr. Beasley clapped his hands together and gave
Eggsy the same look he'd given Harry. Eggsy was certainly the odd one out of
the bunch in his trainers and sports jacket, but he was after all still just a
kid. Harry and Mr. Beasley looked like they were cut from the same cloth. "Okay
Eggsy, let's go back up to my office and get settled. Nathaniel, would you see
that Mr. Hart gets the paperwork he needs?"
Nathaniel scurried off again while Harry offered Eggsy one last encouraging
smile and then sat back down on the sofa looking perfectly collected. Mr.
Beasley guided Eggsy to follow him with an outstretched hand. He led Eggsy down
a hall just as nice as the foyer and up the staircase.
The man's office was spacious, and not exactly what Eggsy had pictured when he
thought of a psychiatrist's office. It was more like Harry's home office, with
a balcony and open drapes letting in the sun on one side, but furnished more
like a drawing room. There was no lounge for Eggsy to lie back on, just a desk
and two comfortable chairs.
"Have a seat," Mr. Beasley directed him while the man went to the desk and
brought out a file.
Eggsy sat. He looked everywhere but at Mr. Beasley. Part of him was
uncomfortable with the man, who reminded him vaguely of other authority figures
that he resented and rebelled against, on principle alone. Part of him was
worried that the man's training would let him just look Eggsy in the eye and
extract all of his secrets. Far better to examine the leather-bound volumes
lining the walls, and the rich carpeting, and the abstract blown glass pattern
locked into an acrylic paperweight ball on Mr. Beasley's desk. "So, how's this
go, exactly? You ask me questions, and I answer? There's no test or nothin', is
there?"
Mr. Beasley laughed softly and put down his pen. "No, no test, nothing like
that. We're simply going to talk. I want you to be open and honest with me, so
that we can best determine what your living situations have been like and what
would be best for you in the future. I want you to know that nothing you say
here will put your mother or Mr. Hart in any danger, this is only about what's
best for you." He sat back, relaxing a little but kept a steady gaze on Eggsy.
"That can be complicated. I'm not here to sway your case in any direction. This
meeting is simply to determine how you feel about the matter, and find the
nuances of your situation. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah, I guess." Eggsy finally looked back at Mr. Beasley. Really looked and
met his gaze, instead of just giving him a cursory glance. "It's hard, y'know?
I care about my mum. I really, really do, and I don't want to make her sad, but
I also don't really want to go back. I like living with Harry, and he's not
weird about it. I can see my mum whenever, so long as the social worker says
it's alright."
Mr. Beasley nodded without judgement. Eggsy couldn't tell whether he'd been
expecting that or not. It was probably an unusual statement from a child, not
wanting to go back to his mother, but then again anyone who was involved with
the case--and Beasley had his file right there—knew that Michelle had had so
many troubles lately.
"What do you like about living with Harry that you didn't like when you were
living at your mother's?" Mr. Beasley asked.
"I..." Eggsy quieted and glanced down. He didn't like talking poorly about his
mother in front of other people, least of all strangers. "He's really nice. I
don't... have to worry about stuff. Asking questions, or being different. Or
feel bad about being hungry or cold. I don't have to ask, he just told me I can
eat however much I want from the kitchen, and got me clothes for school. And he
doesn't... like, with my mum, she gets lonely, but the blokes she picks,
they're all kinda mean. They don't like me, I know they don't want me to exist,
and they're not good for my mum either. I worry about her but when I'm at
Harry's I'm not constantly wondering if they're gonna hit me, too."
Mr. Beasley looked a little more sombre when he nodded again. "Has anyone ever
hit you? Either your mother or one of her boyfriends?" The question was very
mellow considering the weight of its implications. Mr. Beasley's tone was not
unlike Harry's whenever Harry had asked Eggsy something difficult. The only
trouble was that Eggsy knew where Harry stood. Harry had proved over and over
that he was asking because he was on Eggsy's side. Mr. Beasley...could be on
Eggsy's side, but it wasn't a sure thing.
"My mum, no never." Eggsy was adamant about that. His mother had been rejecting
in other ways, but never violently so. "Her boyfriends haven't actually hit me,
but the last one came close. They hit my mum, and I was too close to do
anything, but... the last one, I dunno, he was pissed enough that he didn't
want me interferin', or maybe thought I was to blame for some quid that was
missin' or something. He took a couple of swings at me. Missed, but I locked
myself in my room afterwards and went out the back window."
Mr. Beasley frowned. "That was Dean Baker, yes?" When Eggsy nodded, Beasley's
mouthed thinned even further. "From what your mother's said, they've been
dating for more than a few months now, is that right?" When Eggsy nodded again,
Mr. Beasley went on. "How many other boyfriends has she had that were like
Dean? Or rather, how many boyfriends has she had and how many have you liked?"
He offered Eggsy a hint of a smile, not quite suggesting that he knew the
answer to that, but something that might have been meant to encourage Eggsy all
the same.
"A couple, I guess. None as bad as Dean, but I never really liked any of them."
Eggsy stared down at his feet, still absently swinging back and forth. "They
weren't really nice to her, but I think she was lonely after we lost dad. They
just kinda ignored that I was there, or told me to go to my room, or go hang
out with friends. They didn't want me around. None of 'em tried to hit me
before Dean, though. They just, they liked drinking, usually, so my mum was
always worse when they were around, 'cause they encouraged her to go out and
party with them."
Mr. Beasley nodded and Eggsy could see him catch on a few things he'd said. The
man even made a note on one of the sheets in Eggsy's file. Eggsy was revealing
a lot, but then again this was all information they should know. It was just
that it had never come out of his mouth before, not to anyone but Harry. Mr.
Beasley's smooth tone didn't change. "Your mother drank a lot, then? Worse with
them, but....would you say it became a problem? Too often, or difficult to deal
with her when she was drinking?"
"Uh..." Again, Eggsy felt a pang of guilt. It was nobody's business but his and
his mother's, he felt, and yet he knew why he was here and why it was
important. "I don't know what's a lot. She drank more when she was sad, or with
some boyfriends. When she wanted to forget about stuff for awhile, I guess. I
don't think it was ever too bad, but she tried to hide the bottles from me
under the sink, and that she got sick sometimes. If she'd spent too much, on
partyin' or stuff, sometimes we wouldn't have enough for a lot of food, so
she'd just stop eating and only make food for me."
Mr. Beasley nodded again, and Eggsy could see now how that was probably his
routine, showing that he understood what Eggsy's said, easing them into a pace
of questions and answers. He moved on from the drinking to another topic. "That
happened a lot? There not being enough food in the house, or her going without?
It's been mentioned several times in your file here that she's gone through a
few jobs and had some trouble making ends meet."
"Well, y'know. Jobs in London ain't been easy to come by, not for anyone. Mum
works a lot but nothing seems to pay much, not even with government help.
Didn't matter how many jobs she worked, seemed like, the fridge was always
half-empty." Eggsy flashed a brief, half-smile. "Mum used to tease me about
that, that I was growin' so fast that I'd eat everythin' as soon as she put it
in the cupboards. It wasn't so bad, 'cept for the times she thought she had to
go without and I felt guilty eatin' anything right across from her."
Mr. Beasley gave the same, increasingly familiar nod. "You mentioned something
before.... That you don't have to worry about being different, or asking
questions now. What did you mean by that?" There was a minute furrow in the
man's brow, it was so subtle, but it was there. So far Eggsy had talked about a
mother who ran into trouble, had her own hardships and perhaps not the best way
dealing with them, but a mother who meant well when it came to her son, and a
son who seemed to just want a normal home and enough to eat.
Eggsy immediately shut down. He had no way of knowing how acceptant Mr. Beasley
was. Harry had done his best to try to reassure him that there was nothing
wrong with being gay and nothing to be ashamed of, but Eggsy was aware that
there was plenty to be afraid of. Mr. Beasley might decide that he didn't like
Eggsy if he knew that the boy was gay, and to reassign him to whatever fate
Eggsy didn't want on that basis. He stayed mute, staring fixedly at the
flowerlike design in Mr. Beasley's desk paperweight.
Mr. Beasley folded his hands together and leaned forward, immediately sensing
the change. "Whatever you have to say, I'm not here to judge you for it. As far
as I can see thus far, you have nothing to be worried about or ashamed of." He
let another silence pass between them. "That was a pretty nuanced statement.
Did you feel your mother wasn't very interested in listening to you?"
"Not about some things." That seemed safe enough to say. That could be
anything, and Eggsy was sure that other kids disagreed with their parents and
weren't listened to. "Not all the time, but that was mostly about stuff that
wasn't important, or when I was already thinking stuff she agreed with. If she
didn't, she just didn't really want to hear about it. Or she thought my friends
were making me think stuff, or gettin' me into trouble, and then she didn't
want me to see them anymore."
Mr. Beasley's head cocked ever so slightly. "From what I've read you spent a
lot of your time with these friends in your neighbourhood. Some of your
neighbours said your mother thought those boys weren't a very good influence on
you. But what did you mean when you said you couldn't ask her questions or
worry about stuff? That doesn't sound like you were thinking of your friends."
"Like, there's just some stuff she wouldn't understand. What it's like being a
kid, or what people were like at school, or who I am and what I want to do with
my life, instead of the idea she has of who I should be." Eggsy's foot kicked
out, and he began drumming his heel against the chair's leg in a steady thump.
"She'd just get mad and scared, and ground me, and go through my room lookin'
for stuff. She threw out some things my mates gave me, once, because she didn't
like me havin' them."
"What were those things?" Mr. Beasley asked, still as collected as ever, but
Eggsy could tell that the man was catching on to the telling details of Eggsy's
story and following the path they made. He didn't look like he was about to
judge Eggsy for anything, but it was impossible if he suspected what Eggsy had
to say or not.
"Just, y'know. Some sports magazines and stuff. Nothing weird or anything, but
she didn't want me lookin' at them or havin' them." Eggsy felt like the man
could see right through him. He was certain that he was sweating enough to give
himself away. Eggsy felt a tickle at the back of his neck, but he didn't dare
move.
"And why would she not want you to have those magazines?" Mr. Beasley pressed.
Dozens of thoughts must have been running through his mind, but Eggsy could see
none of them. The man's face, if warm enough, was as impenetrable as stone. And
Harry was downstairs, probably sitting right where Eggsy had left him with his
cup of tea, chatting with Nathaniel, none the wiser as to what Eggsy was going
through in Beasley's office.
Eggsy didn't want to tell a complete stranger. Mr. Beasley said that he wasn't
there to judge him, but people said a lot of things that they didn't mean.
Eggsy knew that well enough. "I... I dunno. Maybe she didn't want me to think
about goin' into sports, or something. I dunno, she just took them and threw
them out, and then she kept an eye on my room afterwards. I didn't feel like I
got any privacy, 'cause I knew she was goin' through my stuff."
Finally, Mr. Beasley nodded again, but Eggsy could see that he was still
considering. "And you don't feel like that's a problem living with Mr. Hart?"
he asked after another moment. He leaned back just a little, enough to display
a more relaxed posture.
The door was right there. Harry was downstairs. Warm sunlight filtered through
the windows behind them, and everything about the room created a comfortable
atmosphere, but Eggsy couldn't leave.
"No, Harry lets me read whatever I want. He's even taken me to some bookstores
and let me pick out anything that looks interesting. I hardly ever got to go to
one of the local libraries, y'know, because they were so far away and mum works
all the time, so it's really diff'rent having books around, about anything I
wanna read about. Harry lets me ask questions about anything."
"You sound like you feel more comfortable with him than your mother." Mr.
Beasley glanced down at the file. "He was a friend of your father's, is that
right?" He continued after Eggsy nodded, moving his attention from the papers
right back to Eggsy, "Does that mean you spent a lot of time with him when you
were growing up?"
"No, I had no idea until later." Eggsy relaxed a bit, far more at ease with
this topic than he was with discussing his sexuality and his mother's
disapproval. "I ran into him by accident, 'cause he was visiting a friend that
lived nearby, a neighbor that was also in the forces. His dog got loose one
night, and I caught it for him, and we talked every once in awhile after that,
when he happened to be visitin' and I was outside. I didn't know he knew my dad
until later."
Mr. Beasley's brows raised at that, but the look on his was only mildly
bemused. "Well that's very fortunate. This was all well before your mother's
trouble with Dean Baker and the case against him?" Eggsy nodded again. "What
was it like, meeting Mr. Hart? Did it mean something to you that he was a
friend of your father's?"
"He didn't mean much when I first met him, no more'n anyone else you just bump
into. Just some bloke, with a posh accent that... y'know. I thought he was
gonna laugh and look down his nose at me, only he never did. Nothin' really
changed until we got to talking and I mentioned my dad, and Harry learned my
last name and figured out he'd known him. It..."
Eggsy could feel himself tearing up. He swallowed and tried to will his throat
not to close up. "I didn't get to know my dad really, y'know? I was too young
for it, when he left. And it hurt mum to talk about him too much, so I just had
a couple of stories and some pictures. Harry was able to tell me more about
him, and stuff kinda felt different after that. He wasn't just some bloke I'd
run into who visited my neighbor off and on, but a friend of my dad's who was
there when he died. Who my dad saved."
Mr. Beasley's brows rose again. Eggsy's stirring emotions over his father
didn't seem to bother the man. "Your father saved Mr. Hart's life when he
died?" That apparently hadn't been in Mr. Beasley's file. His posture hadn't
changed, but something else in the air did. He looked like a puzzle piece had
just fit into place in his mind.
"Yeah. Harry was... with him, he told me about it. Just a bit, not anything to
upset me. I think he felt kinda... guilty, you know? That he came back, and my
dad didn't." Eggsy shifted in his chair. He still got upset thinking about it,
that his father just went off on assignment, not knowing that he'd never see
his wife or son again. "Harry started askin' me more about how I was doin',
worrying about me, I guess. At some point, he told me I could call him if
things got bad, 'cause I'd told him about Dean and everything, and when Dean
almost hit me that one night I went out my bedroom window and used my emergency
phone, and Harry picked me up so I wasn't on the street until my mum got back
from talkin' to the police and stuff. Mum recognized him when he dropped me off
and got really mad, because she knew him too, the whole thing about him being
with my dad and him living when my dad died."
"Ah. That would be hard on anyone...." Mr. Beasley thought for a moment, and
Eggsy could see that he hadn't quite shaken the surprise yet. His thoughts were
a little more clearly written on his face. "Do you ever feel that way about
him? Upset that he came back and your father didn't? It is perfectly natural if
you do, or did.... Even if you like Harry now, sometimes we have feelings we
can't help."
"Not really. I mean, it doesn't seem like it was really his fault? It's not
fair my dad didn't come back, but it's not Harry's fault either. Harry can't
replace my dad neither, but it was almost sorta... like he was an uncle I'd not
met until then. Like he felt he owed my dad, because they were brothers in the
forces or somethin'." Eggsy looked down at his hands again. "I'm glad he
doesn't try to actually be my dad, 'cause nobody can. But Harry's nice."
"That's a very mature assessment." Mr. Beasley sounded like he meant it. He
looked like he meant it, too. His focus on Eggsy wasn't so imploring just then.
It was...sympathetic, if Eggsy had to ascribe a name to it. He gave a soft sigh
and straightened a little. "There is the matter though, of whether you think
you'd rather go on living with him. Living with him while you grow up, through
secondary, all the way until you become an adult, and then you have to consider
that your relationship with your mother will have changed quite a lot in that
amount of time, even if you get to visit her. It's a very big decision to
make." A hint of that imploring look came back into Beasley's eye as he sat and
considered Eggsy.
"I do. Wanna live with him, I mean." Eggsy shifted uncomfortably, and a subdued
air clung to him, but he looked directly at Mr. Beasley this time. "It's not
that I don't love my mum, 'cause I do. I know it's going to make her sad and
angry, too, and I don't want that neither, but... I don't want to go back. I
spent a lot of time worryin' about my mum, and tryin' to look after her, and
tryin' not to do anything that upset her, but she didn't... really always do
the same. She didn't really care if I didn't like her drinking, or going out,
or her boyfriends, or anything else. She did her best to take care of me, but I
kinda... I think I gotta think about what I want, instead of what she wants. Or
wants me to want."
It took a moment of consideration, but then the corner of Mr. Beasley's mouth
lifted. "Well," he sighed, looked down at the file and shook his head. "I do
have to say, you are a very bright boy for your age. And it sounds like you've
been put through a lot in such a short time." He glanced back to Eggsy and
closed the manilla folder. "I think I've heard everything I need to hear. And I
think you'll be alright, Eggsy, whatever happens. Just so long as you keep that
head on your shoulders."
He gave Eggsy a real smile then and stood. He reached out to shake Eggsy's
hand, as though he were a real client. "Thank you very much," Mr. Beasley said
when Eggsy tentatively shook. "Now, let's go see what Mr. Hart has gotten up to
downstairs, shall we?"
Eggsy nodded and brightened a little. That hadn't seemed so bad. Mr. Beasley
had gotten a bit nosy, but Eggsy had been expecting that, and he'd even been
less nosey than expected. Mr. Beasley gestured for Eggsy to walk in front of
him, and together they left the office and walked down the stairs.
Harry was right where they'd left him, more or less. His cup of tea was
finished and left on its saucer, and instead of sitting, Harry had gone to
stand beside the window casement and watch pedestrians and cars go by. London
was never still, even in the quieter parts.
Harry turned as if politely surprised and as soon as he saw Eggsy, his face
split into a smile. It must have been obvious how relieved Eggsy was.
"Everything went well, then?" Harry asked Eggsy, but it was Mr. Beasley who
answered.
"Indeed, Mr. Hart. I'll forward my notes to the court by tomorrow afternoon at
the latest. And I think it's safe to say you've done a lot for Eggsy here. He's
lucky to have you."
"And I'm lucky to have him," Harry countered and curled an arm around Eggsy's
shoulder. It was a familial touch, and one born of comfort.
Eggsy blushed, but he kept his eyes on Mr. Beasley. He looked just like a boy
with an adopted father figure, nothing less and certainly nothing more. "We're
ok to go back home, then?" When Mr. Beasley nodded, Eggsy finally turned
towards Harry. "...can we maybe go get ice cream? Before we head back? I've got
plenty of time to get my homework done, 'fore you ask. Please?"
"We'll see." Harry cast his eyes to the ceiling and steered Eggsy toward the
hall, making sure his jacket was done up properly. Nathaniel graciously saw to
the door for them, giving Harry one last minute to turn and give the
psychiatrist a very sincere, "Thank you, Mr. Beasley."
Once the very last pleasantries were at their backs and they were headed off
down the walk again, Harry finally spoke up. "For such a smooth meeting, I'd
say you do indeed deserve an ice cream." His fingers squeezed Eggsy's shoulder
before they climbed into Harry's car.
"He asked about some stuff I didn't want to talk about, but nothin' like I was
worried about. He seemed to like it when I talked about how we figured out that
you knew my dad, and how stuff changed after that." Eggsy clicked his seatbelt
into place and then they were off, gliding back through the streets of London.
Eggsy still wasn't used to Harry's car. Wasn't yet used to the difference
between Harry's house and his mother's flat, either. Living with Harry had
become the new normal, but Eggsy wasn't certain he'd ever get used to never
having to worry about money after years of just scraping by. "'m pretty sure he
thinks that I think of you like you're my dad."
"I'm not at all surprised," Harry admitted. He pushed up the bridge of his
glasses and cleared his throat as they took the next corner. "That and there
was a very conveniently placed air vent between the upstairs office and the
downstairs sitting room that I dare say both Mr. Beasley nor his assistant seem
not to have noticed." Harry's mouth finally quirked into something of a smile
and he glanced over at Eggsy'. "You did very well."
Eggsy smiled back, and an impish cleverness snuck into the expression. The boy
wasn't quite proficient yet on how to spin a lie out of whole cloth, but he'd
started becoming skilled at misdirection and bending the truth to suit his
needs. "Yeah, well, I had a good teacher, didn't I? You gave me some good ideas
about what to tell him, what kinda things he'd be thinkin' and wonderin' about.
An' that if you give people what they're looking for, they don't look no
further for anything else."
Harry huffed a laugh and shook his head. "Very true, Eggsy. Very true."
***** Chapter 20 *****
Harry drove them back to a corner shop not far from his home where they picked
up treats. Harry even let Eggsy pick out two, so long as he could carry them
and promised he wouldn't freeze eating ice cream on such a chilly day. Of
course Eggsy did freeze in spite of that promise, but Harry saw him back into
the warm house as quick as possible.
Eggsy thought he was safe once they were through the door, the heat seeping
into his bones as soon as it was shut behind them, but after Harry had hung up
his jacket, he took the opportunity to bend down over Eggsy's shoulder and
steal a bite of his cone.
"Hey! That was mine!" Eggsy protested. The boy couldn't take off his own jacket
without entrusting his treat to Harry for a moment, which wasn't going to
happen. Eggsy scurried out of reach so Harry couldn't steal any more, and the
rapid footsteps excited even Mr. Pickle, who came out of his crate in the other
room to see what all the fuss was about. Soon enough Harry and the dog were
chasing Eggsy about. "Nuh uh! You can have my coat and shoes when I'm done! I
earned this fair and square."
Harry finally caught the boy around the middle and Eggsy squealed, holding his
treats out away from him so that Harry couldn't get to them, but instead he
found Harry's face pressed into the crook of his neck, tickling him with
kisses.
"What if I'd prefer to eat you up instead?" Harry asked, nipping lightly. Mr.
Pickle yipped and started jumping, trying to get in on the fun, so Harry lifted
Eggsy into his arms and out of the dog's reach. Mr. Pickle followed at his
heels all the way to the kitchen where Harry deposited Eggsy into a chair where
he could hold his now melting treats over a plate.
"That'd be alright. More alright than you stealin' my sweets." Eggsy was making
a mess. The plate helped, but now that they were inside, everything was melting
at a faster rate. The boy was hard pressed to keep up with the cones, and he
had to chase white trickles down his hands with his tongue.
And Eggsy knew exactly how it looked. He'd begun to learn what Harry found
teasing and take advantage of it. The first experiment he'd done, with well-
closed blinds, had nearly made Harry drop his briefcase in the hallway as he'd
caught a glimpse of the boy playing his game console on the sofa, clad only in
his pants. Harry hadn't minded the increase in the heating bill at all.
So it wasn't at all surprising when Harry took up position against the counter
divide between the kitchen and the dining room, folded his arms over his chest,
crossed his ankles, and settled in to watch Eggsy.
Harry was smiling in that way of his again, more with his eyes than with his
mouth, and he looked not hungry for the ice cream, but hungry nevertheless.
Drips ran down Eggsy's palms and landed on the plate below. It was a display
Eggsy's mother would have chastised him for, making such a mess. She'd have
told him he was being gross, but Harry was riveted.
Eggsy didn't feel rushed. He felt powerful, in fact. He had all of Harry's
attention, and Harry was going to wait for however long it took him to finish.
Eggsy was tempted to take longer, just to enjoy being the centre of Harry's
focus, but he was going to stay the focus for some time. Delaying only meant
that he was putting off receiving physical attention, and the boy didn't really
want to do that. Harry was more intense about it that he was, but Eggsy loved
curling up with Harry, whether it turned into anything more or not.
"Is that my treat, too, for doing well? Gettin' eaten up?"
A real smile spread across Harry's face, that sly one that always went hand in
hand with very good things. "Oh yes," Harry said softly, "Although I can't deny
I have far less selfless motivations as well."
Eggsy finished one cone and went to work on the other, holding it with both
hands and looking up at Harry while he licked. Harry didn't move an inch, but
Eggsy could see exactly what he was doing to the man by the darkening of his
eyes and the growing bulge in the front of Harry's trousers. Eggsy had seen
that bulge many times now, but with Harry all done up as he was, the
quintessential gentleman, and the way he didn't even acknowledge it made that
bulge all the more obscene.
Eggsy hadn't put that much thought, when they'd started, or even before then
when Harry was just a secret crush, into how different the power levels were
between them. It was more than the fact that Harry was bigger and stronger than
he was, or wealthier, or that he was older and could get other adults to listen
to him and had other powerful adult friends. Harry had so much that he could
use, but he didn't, and Eggsy had started to reflect on the fact that Harry
didn't talk over his head, or use his money as a weapon, or any of the other
things he could have done if he'd felt like it. Harry actually listened to him,
took care of him, let him have his own space and make his own decisions, and
respected if he didn't want to do something.
But Eggsy did, in fact, want to do something. It just happened that his wants
were in alignment with Harry's right then.
And wasn't it funny how Harry seemed to know it, too. Harry may not have laid
that expectation down on Eggsy, but he revelled in it when Eggsy wanted what he
did. It showed in his face as he stood motionless, completely ignoring the
obvious erection creasing the line of his trousers. Harry would wait and Eggsy
knew it.
Mr. Pickle whined from the floor below, still riled up from their antics and
sitting at Eggsy's feet looking up at him. The dog was ignored completely.
Eggsy took another lick and Harry's eyes followed the curl of his tongue.
Harry's stance shifted, just an inch to the left, just enough to widen his
stance a bit and relieve some pressure between his legs.
Eggsy began to move quicker. He didn't really want to wait any more than Harry
did. The look on Harry's face when he closed his mouth around the top of his
cone was funny enough that Eggsy nearly choked after he started laughing. Try
as he might, there was no real dignified way to ignore an erection in a three-
piece-suit while staring at an ice cream treat in object jealousy.
If Harry had ever been said to pout, he was sure doing it then. It wasn't an
overt expression, but the pull around his mouth and the tenseness in his
shoulders combined with the focus in his eyes....well, this was definitely
Harry's way of pouting.
Eggsy bit into the cone and Harry didn't flinch. He did look like he was just
barely restraining himself from sidling up to Eggsy, however. There was an open
chair right beside him. Harry could have done it, and yet he still didn't move.
Finishing up took only a few moments, but it felt much longer for both of them.
Eggsy slid out of his chair, sticky of hand and mouth alike, and wandered
towards the kitchen sink to wash off. That put Harry directly next to his path,
and Eggsy's eyes were locked on the older man as he drew closer. The boy
wondered if Harry would wait for him to get clean or would start to move the
instant he was within arm's reach.
Harry's eyes trained on his own, but Eggsy passed without incident.
It wasn't until he was at the sink and had dunked his hands under that Harry
moved on silent feet. He glided up behind Eggsy, startling the boy before Eggsy
had the chance to hear him by wrapping his arms around Eggsy's middle. Harry
gave a pleased hum and kissed the corner of his mouth, which Eggsy hadn't
cleaned yet, and Eggsy felt Harry's tongue dart out to lick a bit of the ice
cream away.
Eggsy felt his skin prickle into gooseflesh and a rush of heat passed through
him. He still wasn't used to this. He wondered if he ever would be, if they'd
be together long enough that Harry sneaking up on him to touch and kiss him
would be taken for granted instead of providing this secret, taboo sort of
thrill. Harry was pressed up against him and Eggsy got a mischievous smile
before reaching back with still-wet hands and touching his face. "Gotcha."
Harry pulled back and made a very undignified sound at that. The arms around
Eggsy's waist tightened and suddenly he was lifted into the air.
"You think so?" Harry asked, keeping his head pulled back this time while he
grabbed for the towel on the door of the oven. With only one arm holding Eggsy,
he inserted his leg between Eggsy's thighs and held him tight while Harry
grabbed for his wet hands with the towel. Harry left him little room to fight,
and when he squirmed, Harry just brought him down a few inches to hold him
better between his arm and leg, the leg that rubbed against Eggsy's bum in a
very suggestive way whenever he tried to twist free.
"That's cheating," Eggsy protested, but not very loudly. He was too busy
laughing and trying to squirm free, or at least give Harry a few more wet
handprints before he got caught entirely. "Just wait until I get taller and
have long arms, too. Then you'll be in trouble. Maybe I'll snatch you up for a
change and carry you off to bed."
"You'd have to work very hard to beat me, Eggsy." Harry turned his voice smooth
and low and pressed kisses across the boy's cheek, all the way to his ear
before Eggsy was trying to shrug him off because it tickled so much.
Harry grabbed one of Eggsy's hands with the towel and then the other, dodging
all the while, but finally Eggsy was clean and dry and Harry had him
conveniently wrapped up in his arms. Harry tossed the towel aside, shifted his
stance, and hefted Eggsy up to catch one arm under the boy's legs. Harry looked
down at his little pout, smile threatening to break through at any moment, and
Harry smirked. "Ready to come upstairs with me?"
"Yeah. I am gonna get you one day, though," Eggsy warned. "Don't care if I
gotta work hard, it'll be worth it. Although I don't really mind you carrying
me around an' all." Eggsy shifted until his head was against Harry's shoulder.
The vantage point was different in Harry's arms, and Eggsy got a much closer
look at the artwork and butterflies displayed on the walls as Harry walked
past. The latter had always seemed a bit strange to him, a bit morbid for
Harry's otherwise-cheerful disposition to have dead insects pinned behind glass
and frozen in time.
Harry only chuckled as he toed open the door to his--their-- bedroom. Eggsy may
not have decorated it to his liking, but there was his place on the bed right
beside Harry's, tangled sheets and all.
Harry set him down upon it first and then began working to loosen his tie,
deftly unbuttoning his suit jacket and shrugging it off along the way. Eggsy's
eyes always lit up at this part, watching every movement Harry's fingers made
like he was going to remember them for someday later. Someday, perhaps, when he
wore a suit.
Harry rather liked the idea. Before long, he was down to his shirt and
trousers, shoes pushed neatly to the side of the bed before he climbed upon it
to join Eggsy.
Eggsy wasted no time in scooting closer. He cast a surprise look at Harry,
wondering why he was still clad in so many layers when he clearly wanted to be
rid of them, but he said nothing. That didn't mean he was letting it go,
however, and no sooner had they settled down together than Eggsy's hands
drifted towards the row of buttons down the front of Harry's shirt.
That brought a curl to the corner of Harry's mouth and it quickly became
apparent why Harry hadn't done it himself. He wanted Eggsy to.
Harry leaned over and pressed impatient kisses to the crook of Eggsy's neck,
nipping every once in a while, but resisting going for his mouth to not hinder
his line of sight to Harry's buttons. Eggsy was getting better at this part,
not so afraid of touching Harry's expensive shirts and therefore able to go
faster. Harry slipped his own hands under the fabric of Eggsy's shirt and let
it ride up until he found the soft skin underneath.
Harry groaned softly and let his teeth graze against Eggsy's neck, carefully
shifting more of his weight over the boy.
Harry had learned, the first few times, that that was an easy way to rile Eggsy
up. If he wasn't already hard, a few moments of kissing and nibbling at his
neck quickly changed that, leaving Eggsy gasping and squirming to get closer.
The trick worked yet again. Eggsy retained enough focus to keep working at the
buttons, but much more slowly. A moment or two later and Harry felt him give up
and wrap his limbs around him, wanting to be closer regardless of the clothing
that was getting in the way.
It sent a rush of affection through Harry, one he hadn't expected. Eggsy had
faced down a psychiatrist for him. Eggsy had lied for him, and had learned how
to do it well. And now Eggsy was here, not resenting Harry for any of it, even
though Harry was about to take him away from his mother.
Harry gasped when he pressed his weight down into Eggsy. The small hands at his
collar clenched and held on. Quickly, Harry took over removing their clothes.
He undid the rest of his buttons and slipped off his shirt, having to tug it
free of Eggsy's grip before he got to work on Eggsy's. Harry was much faster
about the whole affair, and in very little time Eggsy was naked below him and
Harry was just in his trousers, too hurried at that point to care about doing
any more than unzipping them.
Eggsy didn't seem to mind; there was something dirty about indulging in this
while still partially clothed. Harry had only suggested dallying at his
workplace that one time, but the idea had stuck in Eggsy's head, particularly
the fact that things would have to be quick and Harry most likely wouldn't
disrobe for it.
Their hips notched together, Harry putting most of his weight on his arms to
avoid crushing Eggsy, and the boy nearly mewled as they settled against one
another and slid. It was too soon yet to feel any discomfort from friction
without lubricant to help things along, and the heat of Harry's cock against
his own and the surrounding cooler skin caused Eggsy to close his eyes and buck
up against him.
Harry muffled a gasp against Eggsy's ear. He reached out and fumbled for the
lube at the bedside table, unwilling to take his eyes off Eggsy. Harry kissed
him before he sat up to uncap the bottle and pour a generous amount over his
fingers. He was hurried now, little time for the prep they'd need for Eggsy to
be ready to take him, so Harry used the lube to coat both of their erections.
He took Eggsy's between his fingers to make sure he received as much
stimulation as possible while Harry pressed himself against the crook of
Eggsy's thigh for quick and shallow thrusts.
As always, everything else fell away. Eggsy stopped thinking about his
testimony from earlier, or that he'd have to do similar again with a judge, or
where this all would lead. He stopped feeling guilty thinking about how sad his
mother was going to be. Harry was becoming the focal point of his life, and
Eggsy didn't want to be anywhere but where he was right then, touched and
wanted.
One small hand stayed pressed to Harry's back, but the other snuck between
them. Eggsy's fingers curled and then Harry wasn't just thrusting against the
join of hip and thigh, but Eggsy's palm as well.
"Eggsy," Harry practically whimpered.
Eggsy could feel him growing harder in his hand. He could feel Harry's lips
tremble against his temple, right where Harry had kissed him. Eggsy could have
asked for anything in that moment and Harry would have given it to him. But
instead, Harry tightened the grip of his own hand, rewarding Eggsy for his
boldness. Harry bent and placed an open mouthed kiss against Eggsy's neck, hips
beginning to drive faster.
Eggsy couldn't do much but hold on. He didn't need to, though - Harry moved
enough for the both of them, and retained the presence of mind to take care of
Eggsy's needs as well as his own.
Eggsy pressed his palm down harder and tried to imagine that they were doing
more than just this. Sliding against one another wasn't bad, and it was
certainly better than nothing, but it hadn't been what Harry had promised. Now
that he'd tried enough things to start forming opinions, Eggsy had decided that
he liked everything, but he liked Harry's mouth on him the most.
Harry groaned open mouthed against his collar, free hand sliding into Eggsy's
hair and catching hold. Harry's thrusts grew sharper and Eggsy knew what that
meant. His palm brushed over the head of Harry's cock and he had the man
whimpering again. Harry's pace quickened and then he froze. Before Eggsy knew
it his hand was coated in the slick of Harry's release.
Harry had been really worked up over that ice cream cone, it seemed. He was
breathing hard against Eggsy's neck, the squeeze and rubbing of his fingers
paused for the moment it took to catch his breath, but then Harry's gaze lifted
out of the corner of his eye to meet Eggsy. Eggsy knew that look now. When
Harry got that spark in his eye and curl to his lip and the rest of his face
didn't change but it was no less mischievous for it, Eggsy was usually in for
it.
Slowly, Harry gathered himself back together, lifting himself up on his arms
and over Eggsy to lean down for a kiss, but at the same time he used his hips
to spread Eggsy's knees apart.
Eggsy's spine went weak at the look, more so when Harry began repositioning his
legs. Eggsy’s head swam while they kissed, as Harry had begun to stroke him
again, but slowly. Teasingly. Eggsy thought he knew what Harry was going to do,
but he didn't know for certain, and anticipation began to wind him up. Seconds
ticked by, and Harry coaxed his mouth open more and more, and still Eggsy
didn't feel Harry's fingers drifting lower.
He did, however, feel Harry smile against his mouth. Harry could be such a
tease when he was relaxed.
When Eggsy made a sound of frustration, Harry finally took the hint, but it
wasn't what Eggsy had expected. Not exactly. Harry gripped his hip and shimmied
down Eggsy's body, pausing to kiss his belly button as he went--it was a place
Harry seemed to love nuzzling on him--but soon enough he moved down farther.
Harry's fingers were replaced by his mouth over Eggsy's little cock, and
Harry's free hands went for the lube again.
Eggsy gave a little moan when Harry's mouth closed around him. One of the best
parts about it was that there was no discomfort and it didn't take any time at
all. A little wait wasn't a bad thing, but Eggsy got impatient. Harry always
insisted on taking plenty of time to make sure that he wouldn't get hurt, but
that meant Eggsy got frustrated over the fact that he wished he could just make
himself relax by thinking about it.
He must have squirmed or kicked his legs because he suddenly felt the huff of
Harry's breath out his nose. A laugh at Eggsy's impatience. Soon after though,
Eggsy felt one slick finger begin to brush in lazy circles around his hole
before Harry gave it more pressure. The tip slipped inside and Eggsy felt his
body swallow Harry's finger inch by inch as it passed that ring of muscle. He
then felt it again when Harry slowed, curled it, and rubbed against his sweet
spot. Harry hummed in approval at the small shudder Eggsy made.
Eggsy had no way of knowing how far Harry was going to go with this. Usually,
Harry only climaxed once when they did this together, but there was a chance
that Harry had been more worked up from watching Eggsy eat ice cream than Eggsy
knew. In which case, if that proved true, Eggsy would have to make a note to
tease Harry that way more often.
Harry kept things slow, and Eggsy sighed and relaxed into the sensations. Now
that his hands were free, the boy reached down to slide his fingers through the
older man's hair, realizing a bit too late that one hand was still sticky from
when Harry had come.
That got him a glance, one that seemed a little bit miffed. At first. But
then..... "Trying to get me all dirtied up, are you?" Harry moved his mouth off
and said low against Eggsy's skin as he continued to stroke inside him. There
was that glint in Harry's eye again. Like he had a secret, one that he was
debating on whether or not to share with Eggsy. With his mouth gone, the only
pleasure Harry gave him was the tantalizing strokes of his finger; it was just
enough to keep him yearning for more.
"A bit. I mean, I can't do it by myself. 'sides, it just means you gotta shower
with me." Eggsy flashed him a smile. "You look... great, when you're perfect
and all, done up fancy. But I kinda like that I'm the only one that gets to
ruin that and see you all messy."
"In that case, I propose we get to the shower early," Harry said, pulling off
his rumpled trousers and socks. "I can think of something you might like." He
gathered Eggsy up in his arms, not letting the boy walk by himself and risk
breaking their contact before Harry brought him to the toilet. He set Eggsy
down only long enough to turn on the shower and wait for the water to heat up,
and then Harry was beckoning him inside.
Confusion was writ all across the boy's face. Unless Harry was thinking about
continuing while
in
 the shower, he couldn't imagine why Harry would want to stop and clean off.
Harry's surprises had always been pleasant, and Eggsy trusted him, but he just
couldn't see where this would go. "Why do we have to shower now? I'm pretty
clean already, except where you got my hip."
Harry just chuckled. "You'll see."
He turned Eggsy under the spray and lavished attention upon his skin all the
way down. There were no remnants of the ice cream upon his lips after their
heated kissing, nor anywhere else, but Harry's hands were as soothing as the
warm water. Harry hadn't made it too warm, not enough to put Eggsy into a
lethargic state. He obviously still wanted to keep Eggsy worked up, evidenced
by the way he reached down and began stroking Eggsy with one hand. His other
moved down behind Eggsy, slipping between the cheeks of his arse and opening
him up again.
"Won't it be uncomfortable to do that in here?" Eggsy guessed. He knew enough
from the media and discussions amongst older kids that sometimes people tried
out having sex in different locations to make things interesting, but often
that involved having sex where they weren't supposed to. The shower didn't seem
all that adventurous. Just more slippery.
Harry gave him a knowing little smile. "Just watch your footing," he warned.
He let the water run over Eggsy's back, catching it in his hand and using it
and a bit of soap to wash Eggsy down like they really were cleaning up for the
night, but Harry didn't stop after it was all rinsed away.
"Now, turn around," Harry guided Eggsy to face the wall and bend over, making
him widen his stance and place his hands against the wall for leverage while
the water continued to run between them. Harry kissed his shoulder and then the
curve of his spine, and that's when Eggsy realized Harry was going to his
knees.
And that made no sense, not unless Harry just wanted to see what he was doing
when fingering him. Eggsy didn't need to be in such a wide stance for that,
either. Harry had managed just fine before with his legs less open than they
were right then.
The boy tried to turn his head and look over his shoulder, but he froze in mid-
movement. Harry's mouth had kept going down his spine, down to right above the
cleft of his buttocks, and lingered there for a moment. The older man's hands
started to gently spread him open, and Eggsy's heart lodged in his throat. He
wasn't. He couldn't. "H-harry, what are you...?"
Harry made no move to either stop or answer. Eggsy felt the brush of his thumb
before Harry moved his head even lower, and then something that certainly
wasn't a thumb brushed against Eggsy's opening. It felt a lot like...Harry's
tongue. The way it circled, and how soft it was. Everything was wet, so that
was hard to tell, but that muscle had a lot of sensation and that...that was
definitely Harry's tongue.
Harry took a good grip of Eggsy's cheeks and kissed the spot.
Harry was right to warn him about his footing; Eggsy nearly slipped. He
couldn't seem to get enough air to just breathe, much less protest that Harry
shouldn't be doing that. Eggsy imagined it must be gross, and dirty, and part
of him felt a familiar sense of shame well up, the same way it had when he'd
first contemplated sex, his attraction to men, or admitted to himself that he
liked the idea and reality of being penetrated.
Part of Eggsy was too caught up in how good it felt to listen to the rest of
him.
Harry was touching him so slowly, too. Slowly enough to get Eggsy used to the
sensation even if it startled him. Even if it continued to make him second
guess the whole thing. But Harry...really did make it feel good. It wasn't
quite like his fingers. When Harry brushed his tongue against that muscle
again, he made it so malleable that Eggsy imagined he could almost slither
inside. ....and then he realised that was exactly what Harry was doing,
pointing the tip, working it in, licking in circles until one of his hands came
up to cup Eggsy's little shaft and Harry began stroking him in time with the
prodding tongue.
Eggsy's forehead joined his palms in resting against the shower wall. The hiss
of water filled the boy's ears. Eggsy couldn't see what Harry was doing behind
him, but his eyes turned down to watch what he could. The idea of Harry's
tongue in him kept him on the edge of panic, and he kept expecting the older
man to suddenly stop and declare that it had been a bad idea and something he
never wanted to do again. That moment never arrived. Progress was slower than
fingers, but gentler.
Gradually, it became a complement to the strokes of Harry's hand, not quite in
the same way Harry rubbing against that spot inside him was, but...with an
altogether differently stimulating sensation. And the images that came with it.
Even if Eggsy couldn't see Harry now, he had seen Harry's tongue before,
kissing and licking all over him. Even his belly button when Harry was feeling
particularly playful. Harry would look a lot like that now, except in a very
different place.
Eggsy whimpered, and even with the sound of water hissing and pattering all
around them, it seemed louder in such a small and enclosed space. He was afraid
to move. Harry wouldn't hurt him like this, but he might stop. Eggsy might have
felt conflicted about enjoying this, but he was. Perhaps especially because it
was so taboo, which seemed to be a trait shared by a number of things they did
together, and because of what it meant. Harry liked him enough to even want to
do this to him.
One of Harry's hands came up to stroke down his side, which meant Harry had to
press forward a bit more since there was nothing keeping Eggsy parted for him.
He moved in slow rocking motions, reminiscent of the thrust of his hips while
he stroked. The thrusts of his tongue became more deliberate and the squeeze of
his fingers more sure the more Eggsy's body relaxed. Harry had learned to feel
it in him, and it hadn't taken Harry long at all. It probably came with
experience, but with just the touch of Harry's hand over his body, Harry seemed
to know how long to wait for him to be ready.
Slowly, cautiously, Eggsy tried to push back against Harry's mouth. There was
no danger, in this, of getting hurt if Harry went too deep, because he simply
couldn't get deep or rigid enough to hurt anything. Despite Eggsy's fears that
Harry might stop, or comment on his enjoyment, the boy heard a sound of
approval behind him - one accompanied by a vibrating sensation against his
skin, enough to make him gasp.
And still, Harry didn't speed up. The strokes became stronger, but he kept a
maddeningly slow pace. Eggsy began to wonder if he was planning on staying that
slow until Eggsy asked for more.
It wouldn't hurt to try. Harry always did show a certain appreciation for Eggsy
asking for things. Things from him in regard to their exploits, definitely.
Harry's hand moved back to Eggsy's arse and Eggsy felt himself spread again. He
felt Harry's thumb, it must have been his thumb, brush alongside his tongue,
making the sensations extra sensitive. Yet still Harry didn't do more than
that. His licks turned to kisses and then back to the slow, soft thrusts again,
like Harry really was waiting for Eggsy's approval.
Minutes passed while Eggsy worked up the courage to ask, and figured out what
he wanted to ask. Part of this, like other things Harry had introduced him to,
was that Eggsy didn't know what was possible, or what he might enjoy. Having
Harry's fingers wrapped around his cock and his tongue penetrating him didn't
make thinking any easier.
"Harry...? I can't... could you maybe go a little faster?" Eggsy had to fight
to keep his voice audible and steady. "N-not that it's not good, it's just...
too slow?"
Eggsy felt the vibrations from Harry's laugh through his body, but Harry
complied immediately. His fingers picked up speed, in time with his tongue.
Harry began rubbing at the little head of Eggsy's cock on every stroke, knowing
what it would do for him. Harry's thumb didn't slip in any farther. Even though
what he was doing with that tongue wasn't quite the same as a prostate massage,
he seemed to want to make those two sensations enjoyable all on their own.
Sex wasn't all about physical stimulation, though. Mental stimulation was just
as important, and Harry, like many adults, knew the power that the right
thought or suggestion could have. He didn't need to reach Eggsy's prostate for
this.
Eggsy had tucked his face against one arm by then, shutting his eyes and
muffling his cries from whenever Harry twisted his hand or drew the pad of a
finger across his slit. His legs were trembling from the effort of standing
while under such an assault, but he was managing. Barely. Too much longer and
Harry might very well be forced to catch him as his legs gave out from
underneath him.
Harry finally took pity on him and wrapped an arm around his waist, pausing to
guide Eggsy gently down to the floor. Harry laid him out on his back, just
outside of the spray, and lifted one of his legs over Harry's shoulder. Harry
then bent and swiped his tongue all the way from Eggsy's entrance up to his
straining little cock before he took it in his mouth. He sucked hard and moved
with quick, shallow strokes of his tongue. The benefit to this position was
that Eggsy could not only relax, but see.
Eggsy didn't last much longer after that. The way he called out Harry's name as
he climaxed sent a ripple of satisfaction through the older man. One more
memory to cherish, right along with the sight of the soft crease of Eggsy's
stomach, the tremble of his lower lip, and the way Eggsy's delicate, boyish
eyebrows drew together. Eggsy was flush with colour from sex and the hot water,
and the beads of it that trickled over his skin made him all the more enticing.
Harry sat up and ran his hands over Eggsy's water slicked skin, through his
hair--softer than ever like this--and then back down again. He let Eggsy rest
for a minute before he leaned down, kissed Eggsy's temple, and gathered him
into his arms.
Harry helped Eggsy stand, dunked them under one more rinse, and then turned the
water off. As things often went after their showers, Harry took it upon himself
to towel dry a very tired Eggsy. He let Eggsy lean into him, wrapped his small
body up in the comparatively giant towels Harry owned, and helped him out of
the bath before Harry dried himself.
"Learn something new every day, hm?" Harry asked with that sly hint of a smile.
He ruffled Eggsy's hair with the corner of his towel and caught sight of them
in the mirror. Eggsy barely came up to his chest. Such an odd pair.
"I didn't even know you could do that. Well, I mean, you could, but I didn't
think anyone ever wanted do." Eggsy flushed and turned his eyes down, caught in
a sudden burst of self-consciousness. He'd heard a number of colourful insults
and derogatory descriptions from schoolmates and the telly, and several of them
could be applied to what Harry had just done. "Wasn't that gross? I don't know
if I could ever do something like that."
Harry chuckled. He didn't look disturbed in the least. "Understandable, but no,
it wasn't gross. Of course hygiene is always a factor in such affairs, but once
all parties involved are well-washed, there's very little to be concerned
with."
Harry steered Eggsy back to their rooms to get dressed again. He put on
comfortable clothes this time, no longer the austere gentleman he'd been for
Mr. Beasley, but in woollen socks, slacks, and a cashmere sweater, Harry looked
perfect to curl up on the couch with for the rest of the day.
Eggsy stared, just picturing it, and a smile tugged at his mouth. "We don't
gotta go out again today, do we? Can we make hot chocolate and read comics
together? We don't gotta make a blanket fort, but it'd be fun if we could. It
could be like... a secret clubhouse. More than the house is already, because
we're pretty secret as it is. If we stash a bunch of things in it, we'd hardly
ever have to leave the fort at all, because we'd already have a bunch of food
and games and stuff tucked away."
Harry gave a burst of a laugh. It wasn't hard to see that Eggsy was thinking of
the first fort they'd made on Harry's couch, but Harry had to admit, he'd
enjoyed it immensely as well. Even just being that close to Eggsy for the first
time.
"Sounds like as good a plan as any," Harry relented as Eggsy dressed. "Why
don't you go pick out what to read and find some snacks? I'll make us up a
fort." He swatted Eggsy's rear as he passed. There was nothing quite like
teasing Eggsy to get him going.
The boy giggled and dashed off. Since their understanding that Eggsy was to
minimize his possessions and aesthetical touches in Harry's room, all of the
comics Harry had bought for him were tucked away in a bookcase in what was
supposed to be Eggsy's room. Only a few weeks ago, being told to pick out
snacks would have been a tall order, but Harry had made an effort to make Eggsy
feel at home in the kitchen. The boy had his own step stool, so that he didn't
need to climb onto the countertops to get at the upper shelves, and Harry had
made it very clear that he wasn't under strict rations. If he was hungry, he
had permission to eat whatever he wanted in the kitchen, barring the alcohol in
the pantry.
Harry found a few blankets and together with strategically placed throw pillows
and chairs, a bit of tape, and stuffing the blanket edges between the cushions,
he'd constructed a sizeable fort much like the one he'd first made.
Harry then wandered into the kitchen to fix up the hot chocolate. He found
Eggsy perched on his stool, reaching into a cupboard, little arse pert in the
air as he leaned up and bent ever so slightly. Just the perfect height for
Harry to lay his hand against as he reached around Eggsy for the jar of cocoa.
"Hey! I might've fallen over, y'know," Eggsy chastised. He never minded the
touch so much as the sneaking; for someone so much bigger and heavier, Harry
was eerily good at making little noise and putting himself in spaces where he
wouldn’t be noticed. He'd snuck up on Eggsy quite a few times, in fact.
Sneaking was a particularly odd skill for a tailor, but Eggsy reasoned that it
was a good thing for him to have, if only to avoid getting hurt again when he
made business trips overseas.
"You got everything all set? I'm still tryin' to decide what snacks we should
have."
“Yes." Harry set the water to boil and planted himself just below Eggsy,
wrapping his arms loosely around the boy's legs. "I'm partial to those cinnamon
and honey granola bars up there, but I expect you'll want the chocolate. Grab
both. And there are some truffles in the refrigerator."
Harry was letting Eggsy ruin dinner, but didn't seem at all reluctant about it.
He simply moved back to the kettle and took down a mug for each of them before
he set to work on the cocoa. He even added a few marshmallows for good measure
before he went back to wrap himself around Eggsy again.
"Y'know, we should get some whipped cream sometime. I've had hot chocolate with
that, once. It was amazing." Eggsy stretched up to get at the sweets and
granola bars on the higher shelf, then turned within Harry's grip until he was
looking at him. "You've gotta let go if I'm gonna get to the fridge, silly," he
said, then bent at the waist to kiss Harry's forehead. "Although this is nice,
too, lookin' down at you."
The boy paused for a moment in thought. "D'you think I'm gonna get tall? I
don't really even know how tall my dad was. I'd probably get close to that,
wouldn't I?"
"Hmm, probably." Harry confirmed, and then added. "But he was still shorter
than me." With a cheeky pat to Eggsy's side, Harry let him go and grabbed the
drinks off the counter, leading the way back to the fort.
Harry turned most of the lights out, only leaving the two closest to them on so
that they'd still be able to see inside. Not quite trusting Eggsy to climb in
safely with the mugs, Harry brought them in himself. He'd made sure to include
half the coffee table inside the little fort for just that reason. He poked his
head out, hair falling over his eyes in a way he couldn't fix just then. At
least he knew Eggsy liked that. "Cosy in here. Care to join me?"
"Yeah! Whether you're ready or not!" Eggsy added. Harry was right to worry
about mug spillage. Eggsy was so enthusiastic that he nearly ran right into
him. Not content to merely join him in the tent, Eggsy decided to take
advantage of the close quarters and Harry's sprawled-out position. Tickling
someone in a jumper was much easier than trying it when that someone was
wearing layers of tailored wool.
"Oh no, don't you dare." But Harry was laughing. He was trying not to, Eggsy
could tell. Harry went for his wrists, but Eggsy jumped atop him, climbing atop
Harry on the couch until Harry was on the defensive. He lost hold of Eggsy and
tried to catch him again, but Eggsy found his ribs and Harry was forced into a
foetal position, trying to curl up and get away from Eggsy's hands. "I don't
remember this being part of the plan," he protested, and when Eggsy didn't
listen, Harry tried another method. "Your cocoa is getting cold!"
"Yeah, alright. I'll let you off easy... this time. Since you brought me cocoa
and all." It took another moment to untangle them and straighten up part of the
fort that had drooped in the scuffle. Happily, the mugs came out unscathed, and
without a drop spilt. Eggsy took hold of his and settled back down, smug that
he'd managed to get Harry back for sneaking up on him in the kitchen.
Harry huffed behind him and straightened on the couch. He had to reach around
Eggsy to grab his own mug, being too tall to sit up in the space, but it was
nice having Eggsy tucked against him like that. He propped himself up on one
elbow and took a sip.
"You know, you're right," Harry began thoughtfully. "I think we could do with
some whipped cream sometime soon. I bet you'd taste delicious." He hid his
smile with the next sip, but watched Eggsy snort out of the corner of his eye.
"Maybe you'd taste delicious," Eggsy shot back. He almost nudged Harry, but one
glance at the mug in his hand was all it took to think better of it. "How come
you like nibbling on me so much? I don't really mind, it just seems different.
Like, when I'd look through magazines and stuff, I never really thought
about... some of the stuff we've tried. Or putting food on people and then
eating it off of them."
"Magazines leave a lot to be desired in the world of indulgence," Harry replied
smoothly. "But you never know, perhaps I'm planning to cook you up someday." He
pinched Eggsy's side for good measure, making the boy yelp and twist away. He
had at least seen it coming and managed to put down the mug.
Harry found a pillow and used it to help prop himself up. "So, which of these
do you suggest we start tonight?" Eggsy had dragged a stack of assorted comics
in with him and they laid strewn about the table.
"X-men, definitely. Spiderman's cool, but we read him last time, and... I
dunno, you kinda have to change them up a bit." Eggsy sorted through the comics
until he found the one he wanted. "I don't really like it when he's sad and
thinking about Uncle Ben, or when his boss is being a jerk. X-men has more
characters in it, and more powers. Which is cool, because then you've got teams
of super heroes against teams of bad guys. They just talk about stuff,
sometimes, that I don't really get."
"Oh?" Harry raised a brow. "Let's have a look then." He let Eggsy pick out one
he liked and settle back against Harry, opening the pages.
Harry made himself comfortable, and made sure he could see, and together they
started reading, picking up the lines as they'd done last time with Harry
taking over the voice of the narrator until Eggsy grew more comfortable with
reading aloud. He wasn't bad at it for someone his age. Even though he was
uncertain on some words and couldn't hold such a smooth cadence as Harry, Harry
liked listening to him and Eggsy noticed.
It didn't matter that Harry barely knew the characters, and that Eggsy didn't
really know what was going on, having missed a great many issues that explained
the plot. They were enjoyable anyway, as much for the company and the artwork
as anything else. After they finished the first and switched to a new issue,
Eggsy began taking over narration more equally. As they worked through the
volumes, Eggsy began to lean until he was resting against Harry's arm.
The chocolate and snacks did an admirable job of tiding him over, but
eventually Eggsy’s stomach began to growl in a bid for food with substance.
Reluctantly, Harry departed for the kitchen, allowing Eggsy to stay in the fort
and do a bit more reading while he made supper.
The visit to Mr. Beasley's office was all but forgotten as they ate and talked
about the X-Men. Even when conversation wandered, Harry marvelled at the way
he'd been able to so completely turn Eggsy's mind to other things. He knew it
was only for the time being, that soon Eggsy would think on what he'd said that
day. He'd think on his mother and the upcoming hearing, too, but for now Eggsy
was content in Harry's home, and Harry was happy to have it that way.
===============================================================================
Time lagged, as it usually did between court cases. Michelle Unwin would have
wanted to press forward as quickly as possible to get her son back, but her
lawyer doubtlessly advised against such desperate haste. A date for a second
hearing was set, and the days slowly crept by, allowing Michelle and her legal
team to procure and compile whatever they felt might tip things in their
favour.
All for naught, as Harry knew, but that was the point. Michelle had no idea how
impossible her odds were. Those labouring under the delusion that blood kin,
and particularly mothers, always won out in the end were sadly mistaken about
the state of affairs in the courts, even before a sort of meddling and
systematic corruption that they couldn't hope to touch.
Eventually, the court date arrived.
Harry had bought Eggsy clothes for just the occasion. Harry's reassurances
didn't touch the spark of worry in the boy's eyes that morning, or the sadness
that clung to his outline. "Do I really gotta go?"
"I'm afraid so," Harry said, helping Eggsy into his coat as they readied for
the hearing. There was no helping Eggsy's quiet despair and Harry knew it, so
he tried to be as gentle as he could. It was the only solace he could offer.
With a hand on Eggsy's shoulder, Harry collected his keys and his umbrella,
taking a moment to fiddle with his watch while Eggsy stared down at the floor.
Merlin would be listening, Harry knew, just as Harry knew he could depend on
his friend to ensure an outcome in their favour. A small, yellow light blinked
at him beside the dial in return.
"Off we go then," Harry turned his attention back to Eggsy, leading the boy out
in front of him. "The sooner we get there, the sooner this will be over."
Eggsy dragged his feet the whole way there. He spent the ride in the car
staring dejectedly out the window, not really seeing the London streets go by.
Eggsy knew from Harry's explanations that they couldn't put this off, and why
he had to come, but he was still of an age where avoiding conflict meant that
the problem would magically disappear and never have to be faced. The part of
Eggsy that felt, on an emotional level, that ignoring his mother meant that his
dream life with Harry would never be challenged objected to the idea of having
to face her at all. He didn't want to see his mother upset and angry, and on
some level he was afraid that Harry might fail to win custody somehow.
It was hard to absorb any of Harry's silent confidence at his side, and even
though Harry didn't show it on his face, he was confident. Eggsy knew it by his
stride as he led them into the courthouse, heels clacking smartly down the
marble hall.
The two gentlemen who were Harry's lawyers met them just inside. They greeted
Harry with warm handshakes and low conversation. All Eggsy could discern was
that they were well prepared and looking forward to the hearing. The very
opposite of himself. But Harry kept his hand firm on Eggsy's back, under the
hood of his coat, planted just between his shoulder blades like he was there to
ground Eggsy.
Eggsy might have given in to nerves and run out of the courthouse, or at least
gone and hid in one of the rooms, if Harry hadn't been there to lean on,
physically and emotionally. Harry and his lawyers were going to do most of the
work and talking, but Eggsy didn't think he'd have had the strength to
criticize his mother in front of strangers if he didn't see and feel Harry
there supporting him.
Everything the lawyers said went above his head and made him feel bored just
hearing the sounds, so Eggsy let his mind wander as he glanced around at their
surroundings. Various people were waiting for their sessions and conferring in
small groups, yet one was conspicuously absent. "...Harry, I don't see mum.
When does everything start?"
"Not too long yet." Harry leaned down a little for Eggsy's benefit, but his
eyes caught on a small group of men and women coming down the hall. "Here come
the magistrates. And I believe that's Judge Longfellow among them. You remember
her, yes?"
Eggsy nodded but Harry's words didn't dispel the look of concern upon his face,
so Harry began to rub his back in soothing motions. "Don't worry," he told
Eggsy. "She still has a couple minutes, I'm sure she won't be too long. Rather
important day after all."
Before Eggsy could worry on it any longer, they were greeted by a court
assistant coming to collect them and take them to their seats. The lawyers went
ahead first, and Harry steered Eggsy along with him, taking the boy away from
the hall and any attempts at glimpsing his mother coming in through the main
doors.
The courtroom did nothing to soothe Eggsy's nerves. It was relatively small, as
small courts for dealing with family matters tended to be, as there was no need
for a jury or a plethora of witnesses. Size notwithstanding, the structure had
that intimidating, official feel to it that made government buildings,
libraries, police stations, and other such places feel so weighty and
smothering. It was a place where children were supposed to be quiet and still,
which meant that all Eggsy wanted to do was fidget.
The magistrates entered a minute or two after Harry's team and took their
seats, each carrying a stack of folders for their own reference. Eggsy wasn't
the first or last case of the day.
They arranged their files and sat comfortably, murmuring amongst themselves
while Harry's lawyers did the same.
The door opened again and several heads, including Eggsy and Harry's, turned to
find Mrs. Whittier came striding down the isle. She looked only a little
frazzled, and carried documents of her own that she set down at a table across
from Harry's team. Still there was no Michelle in sight, not even when the
murmurs and the squeaking of chairs quieted down.
Mrs. Whittier brought out a mobile and put it to her ear. Her face was a
carefully blank mask, but even Eggsy noticed she was tense. Harry gave his
shoulder another rub, but when Eggsy glanced to him, he looked slightly
concerned as well.
Eggsy's mother was late. The boy didn't know what time they were supposed to
start, but he could read the awkward silence and the way everyone was looking
at Mrs. Whittier where she sat by herself. Eggsy knew that couldn't be good. If
Michelle didn't turn up at all, perhaps the magistrates would automatically
rule against her without there needing to be a hearing at all.
Minutes ticked by. Mrs. Whittier got up from her chair and approached the
Magistrates' table. The conversation between them was short, and hushed to the
point that Eggsy couldn't make out the words, but the Magistrates looked
thoroughly irritated by the time the exchange was done. One waved a hand to
indicate that Mrs. Whittier should retake her seat.
"We'll proceed in 10 minutes. A good many cases are waiting to be heard today,
and we cannot afford to wait on the tardiness of one party," another Magistrate
announced.
Mrs. Whittier turned and moved down the aisle again, heading for the hall.
Eggsy saw her press the mobile to her ear again, but still it looked like she
wasn't getting through.
One or two of the magistrates decided to stretch their legs as well. Harry's
lawyers seemed unperturbed, conversing quietly together beside them. Harry
himself leaned closer. "I'm sure she's alright. Probably just a late bus;
nothing to worry about." His face was calm and warm, but Eggsy could see that
Harry was just trying to reassure him.
"Mum's not late, though. Not for something like this." Eggsy tried to infuse
confidence into his voice, but even he had his doubts. He remembered too many
times where his mother was on probation or needed to be somewhere promptly,
only to get fired or have to do more work to secure their government benefits
because she'd been too hung over to wake up and get moving on time. Michelle
tended to drink when upset and stressed, and Eggsy knew very well that the
prospect of losing custody would fit the bill for both.
Harry's lips pursed together. He looked vaguely worried, even if it was just
for Eggsy's sake. One of the lawyers turned and looked like he was about to
make some kind of light hearted comment for Harry's benefit, but gave up the
notion as soon as he saw Eggsy's face.
Five minutes passed and there was still no sign of Michelle. The magistrates
all reconvened by eight minutes while Michelle's lawyer waited outside.
Finally, at ten minutes on the dot, Mrs. Whittier re-entered the room. She
didn't look happy. Composed, perhaps, but definitely not happy. She approached
the magistrates and began to converse quietly with them while Harry's team
looked on.
The magistrates had just been about to call the session to order when the door
creaked open. Michelle rushed in, pale and flustered. The whole room turned to
look at her, and she ducked her head as she walked to her seat as quickly as
possible. She didn't quite run, but came close.
Michelle waited until she was seated to attempt to straighten her clothing and
smooth down flyaway hair. Mrs. Whittier knew better than to berate a client in
front of the magistrates and opposition, and so they conferred quickly in
hushed tones.
"I'm sorry," were the first words that came out of Michelle’s mouth. "There was
a--a man on the train, tried to take my purse an'," she took a breath to calm
her speech and then held up her sleeves, which upon closer inspection were
sopping wet--as was the side of her face and hair. The faint scent of alcohol
permeated the air around her. "Homeless I think--tried to throw a bottle ah gin
at me when I fought 'im back." She tried for a laugh, but it fell immediately
flat. "I know that's no excuse for bein'--"
"Very well, Mrs. Unwin; that will be enough." Magistrate Longfellow sat
forward, her eyes boring into Michelle, assessing. "Let's get the proceedings
started, shall we?"
Michelle closed her mouth and straightened, nodding tightly, doing her very
best to be composed and attentive.
One of the other magistrates took over from there. "Last month we heard the
initial complaints filed against Mrs. Unwin by Mr. Hart in a bid for the
custody of one Gary Unwin. We have statements from both Michelle's neighbours
and the officer who visited her home in response to noise complaints, publicly
drunken behaviour, and fights that occurred at the residence, the most recent
of these occurring two weeks before the last hearing. We have acknowledged
record of Mrs. Unwin's relationship with Dean Baker, although her involvement
was not criminal, he was accused of physical abuse toward her and generally
creating a threatening home environment for her son. Gary Unwin has since seen
the court's appointed psychiatrist, Dr. Beasley, and we have here record of his
assessment." The magistrate levelled his gaze at Michelle's lawyer. "Mrs.
Whittier, do you have any contending arguments or documents to share with the
court?"
"Yes." Mrs. Whittier stood and crossed the floor, manila folders clutched in
one hand. She passed them out and waited for the magistrates to open them
before speaking again. "These are collected statements from Mrs. Unwin's
neighbours and some former coworkers, as well as statements from Eggsy's
teachers and a few of his friends. I hope to show that testimony is far from
being as clear-cut and damning as Mr. Hart would have you believe. Many people
will vouch for my client's abilities to provide for and care for Gary, and
while Gary has occasionally had behavioural problems at school, no staff member
has ever noted any red flags that signalled abuse or neglect."
Mrs. Whittier straightened and her arms folded behind her back. "Additionally,
I would like to point out one anomaly. Mr. Hart has attempted to convince your
honours that his involvement with Gary is due to his friendship with Lee Unwin
and his sense of responsibility and debt from Mr. Unwin's untimely death. If
they were so very close, Mr. Hart would have known years ago that Lee Unwin had
a son. His sense of debt was not present during the years that my client was
struggling as a single mother, but now that Gary is a bit older, suddenly Mr.
Hart has a pressing interest in him. One enough that, upon their meeting and
the realization of the fact that he was talking to Lee Unwin's son, Mr. Hart
did not approach my client to inform her that he was interacting with her son
and to gain her permission, and Gary hid his interactions with Mr. Hart from
his mother until such a time that their interactions couldn't be hidden
anymore. The secrecy and deception present in the relationship between Gary and
Mr. Hart is, I believe, enough to raise questions regarding Mr. Hart's
intentions towards Gary Unwin, as such behaviour is typically a red flag."
That did garner a few looks in Harry's direction over the tops of their
folders, but Harry sat, face impassive and seemingly unimpressed. Eggsy did
notice, however, how unusually stiff he was.
"Mr. Hart, do you have any explanation for such behaviour?" Magistrate
Longfellow asked, putting down her folder and folding her hands over its cover,
apparently having finished.
"Indeed I have," Harry said coolly. He didn't fidget and his voice didn't
waver. "It was quite by accident that I ran into Eggsy, and only after did I
realize he was Lee's son. The last time I had spoken with his mother, I'd
offered her assistance, financial assistance, on behalf of her husband's
employer. She refused and accused me of not bringing him back instead. As far
as I could see, she never wanted to speak to me again, but upon the first
notice of threat to her son, I reintroduced myself and told her point blank
that Eggsy had run away from her home because he was afraid of her boyfriend."
Harry cocked his head genially, but he sounded like he was ready for a fight.
"She promptly threw me out."
"Curious, and evading the question." Mrs. Whittier was looking more at Harry
now than the magistrates seated behind the table. "That doesn't explain why you
had been interacting with a young boy for what must have been some time,
without feeling compelled to meet the boy's parents and obtain approval for the
interaction, as parents generally disapprove of adult strangers spending
unsupervised time with their children when they are unaware. Had you introduced
yourself from the start, you would have realized who Gary Unwin was much
sooner. Instead, you must have built up a friendship with Gary for some time,
both prior to and after learning his identity, in order for him to choose to
run away into your custody, rather than one of the familiar and close-by
neighbours or to the residence of one of his school friends, and did not feel
compelled to obtain his mother's approval until very late and during unusual
circumstances."
"I hardly think that is evading the question," Harry jumped in before his
lawyers could take over. "If by spending 'unsupervised lengths of time' with
the boy, you mean chatting in passing in the public yard of the very estate in
which the boy lives whilst visiting a friend, then no, I did not see it
particularly crucial to inform his guardians. I gave Eggsy my home number only
after I learned of his father. It was shortly afterwards that the incident with
Dean occurred."
"And Gary never visited your home before that incident?" Longfellow asked,
voice cutting through the room.
"No, he had not," Harry replied, meeting her gaze. Eggsy even felt him relax
where their arms brushed, side by side.
"Okay." Longfellow nodded, just as Harry's lawyer, Smith, spoke up.
"This is little more than a thread of conjecture."
There was wasn’t much more Mrs. Whittier could do to back up that thread. While
suspicious, Harry was denying any interactions took place while not in public
space. Without concrete evidence, she couldn't prove that Harry was lying and
in contempt of court.
Eggsy was wide-eyed as he watched the exchange, more so when one of the
magistrates cleared his throat. "I understand that Mr. Hart has moved for Mr.
Unwin's testimony to be made in private, but I think we can all agree that this
will pose a significant disadvantage to the defence. Mr. Unwin, we'd like you
to answer a few questions."
"We only ask that Mr. Hart and Mrs. Unwin not be present for Gary's testimony,"
Harry's other lawyer spoke up quickly. "As that would provide significant and
unnecessary pressure on the boy, from both directions."
Harry gave Eggsy's hand a light squeeze, although his eyes didn't move from the
panel of magistrates. No one in the room probably even noticed it.
From the other side of the aisle, Michelle could be heard whispering something
to her lawyer, undoubtedly a plea to stop the motion.
The lawyers on both sides agreed to the suggestion, with little argument.
Without being there, they couldn't influence Eggsy's testimony, but neither
could the other side - theoretically at least. Mrs. Whittier seemed to have
some doubts, from the way she glanced at Eggsy. She had seen far too many cases
where children had been prepped and pressured to deliver particular lines by
one of their parents, but she had to hope that the magistrates were
sufficiently experienced to recognize the signs of such, as there was no
argument she could offer to keep them in the room while denying Harry and his
lawyers the same opportunity.
Eggsy watched both sides rise and leave for the door with a sense of panic
welling in his chest. Bravery had come easily enough with Harry next to him,
but now he was alone.
It was once again Magistrate Longfellow who took the lead. She had spoken to
Eggsy before, and perhaps they'd anticipated he might be more comfortable
addressing her than the others. She folded her hands before her and took on a
relaxed posture. Whether it was natural or not, Eggsy couldn't tell.
"Now, Gary," she began slowly, "We only have a few questions for you, nothing
too difficult. I want you to not worry about how to address the court or
anything like that, just talk as you feel comfortable doing so, ok?" When he
gave a barely perceptible nod, she went on. "We have here Dr. Beasley's
assessment of the situation, and your mental health, and I want you to know
that he seems to think you've done quite well through such an upheaval. He's
also written down your feelings about going back to your mother or staying with
Mr. Hart, but we'd like to hear it from you. Can you tell us a little about
what it was like, living with your mother? Did you have troubles at home, with
her or with her boyfriends?"
Eggsy looked down at the table in front of him, which started to waver as tears
welled up in his eyes and threatened to spill over. He didn't want to badmouth
his mother, but his mother also couldn't hear him. All he had to do was speak,
and he'd likely never have to see these magistrates again. "Mum is alright, but
her boyfriends are awful. Things are kinda tough, 'cause her work doesn't pay
much and neither does the government, so food gets rough sometimes, but it was
alright. Her boyfriends were always tossers, though. They didn't want me to
exist, or be there. Sometimes they stole money, or stuff. Mum always drank
more, when they were around, and Dean hit my mum and almost hit me."
Out of the corner of his blurry vision, Eggsy could see the two lawyers on
Harry's side watching him with what he supposed were encouraging looks. He
didn't know them and they had little chance of making him feel comfortable, but
still....he must have looked so lost.
Magistrate Longfellow gave Eggsy a moment before she asked another question.
"And by contrast, how have you felt about living with Mr. Hart over these past
few months?"
Everyone was still and everything went silent, waiting for him to answer.
"Much better. I don't have to worry about stuff. Food, or one of her
boyfriend's hitting me, or..." Eggsy swallowed and thought about Harry's lie.
He'd done it right there, in front of the court, even though they'd had to
swear to tell the truth. Eggsy knew that they couldn't tell the truth with
everything, but Harry's smooth denial had just been so convincing, so perfect.
"There's stuff my mum doesn't like about me, but Harry's alright with it and
lets me talk about anything and he never goes through my room."
Magistrate Longfellow nodded slowly. The others watched in silence and it was
hard to guess at their expressions. Mrs. Whittier across the aisle looked like
she wanted to stand up and say something but had to restrain herself. Eggsy was
pretty sure that if Harry's lawyers could interrupt right then, they'd tell him
what a good job he was doing. The room was empty without Harry, and they were
little comfort, but at least they were on Harry's side.
"Just one more question," Longfellow regarded Eggsy over the rim of her
glasses. "If this was all up to you, would you rather go back with your mother,
or would you rather live with Mr. Hart?"
"I... I mean, I know what I'm supposed to say." Eggsy looked down at the table
in front of him again. His mother's face flashed through his mind, but he had
to think about himself and what he wanted, not what his mother wanted. His
mother had also wanted him to be straight, and to like Dean, and other things,
and Eggsy was only beginning to understand that what parents wanted wasn't
always what was actually good for their children. "But... it's not that I don't
love my mum, 'cause I do, but I want to stay with Harry. I know that sounds
weird, because he's not really my real dad, but it's been really nice living
with him and I want to stay there."
His voice sounded so quiet in the courtroom. Compared to how loud the adults
had been only minutes ago, how confidently Mrs. Whittier had faced the
magistrates and questioned Harry, and how fiercely Harry had countered her. His
voice filled up the room when he spoke, and Eggsy was barely a whisper in
comparison.
Still, it was so silent that no one had misheard.
Magistrate Longfellow nodded once more, and she didn't look like she was
judging him, but it was impossible to tell. "Thank you, Gary. That should be
all we need from you. You were very brave." She turned to the court assistant.
"Please let Mrs. Unwin and Mr. Hart know they may rejoin us."
The assistant hurried off for the doors while Mrs. Whittier looked down at her
papers and made a few notes. She looked like she was biting her lip pretty
hard.
Eggsy watched as his mum and Harry were led back inside. Neither were looking
at each other, and neither looked particularly happy, but Harry still seemed to
be the far more relaxed of the two. It was hard not to wonder if they had
talked out there.
The boy averted his gaze as they took their seats. Eggsy didn't know if he'd be
able to keep himself together if they looked at him questioningly, wondering
what he'd told the magistrates in their absence. Having Harry at his side came
as a relief. They weren't close enough to be touching, but Eggsy thought he
could still feel a warmth and weight radiating from the chair where Harry was
sitting.
Longfellow turned towards Harry's legal team. "We've heard from Mrs. Unwin's
representation, and from Gary Unwin. Do you have any further documentation or
statements to submit to the court?"
Mr. Kern, the tall one, rose to address the panel. "You heard our statements
last month, you have before you testimony from our client, statements from
local law enforcement, neighbours and witnesses of Mrs. Unwin's home life, a
court appointed doctor of psychiatry, and the boy himself. In contrast, you've
heard Mrs. Unwin's strikingly sparse arguments and," he paused and shook his
head with a laugh, "for whatever reason, she's shown up late and reeking of
alcohol for her son's own hearing. I don't think we have any more to say than
that." With that, the lawyer sat down and folded his hands before him, looking
quite smug.
"We'll have a brief recess to discuss all submitted evidence and testimony. Our
clerk will summon both parties when we've reached a decision." Longfellow
turned her attention to her folders, as did her fellow magistrates. The
discussion between them would start as soon as both sides had vacated the room,
but it didn't take a genius to see which outcome was more likely. Harry's case
was much stronger, and Michelle's late entrance, accompanied by the scent of
alcohol when doubt about her suitability as a caretaker already focused on her
substance abuse issues, had done nothing to encourage confidence.
Michelle looked like she was struggling to keep calm. While the lawyers stood
and gathered their things, she remained seated, her hands clenched at her knees
taking deep breaths of air.
Eggsy felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Harry. His face was
blank but amiable, and with that touch he drew Eggsy to stand and come with him
and their team out of the room. The lawyers talked in low voices. Mrs.
Whittier, who had gotten Michelle to her feet, followed behind them. Harry's
hand on the middle of Eggsy's back kept him moving and kept him from turning to
see his mother until they spilled out into the hall.
Eggsy wanted to embrace Harry and seek physical comfort as soon as they were
out in the hall, but he felt frozen. He couldn't touch Harry like that right
then, not with all the witnesses there would be - his mother being one of them.
Eggsy could feel her anguish like a storm cloud right behind him, turning the
air heavy and charged and threatening a downpour at any moment.
Eggsy hugged himself. Guilt was eating at him, not just because his choice to
leave was hurting his mother, but a little ball of ice had settled into his
stomach when Harry had lied to the court. He'd done it so easily and smoothly
that, if Eggsy hadn't known that he was lying, he'd never have been able to
detect it. That by itself shouldn't have caused him to worry, as Eggsy knew he
had done it so they'd win the custody case... but it did bother him. He didn't
like the idea that Harry could lie to him without him knowing, or the thought
that he might have lied previously.
Harry's hand squeezed his shoulder as the lawyers drew him into their
conversation, but he kept Eggsy by his side as the four of them formed a half
circle. Eggsy could see Mrs. Whittier and his mum out of the corner of his eye
where they'd found a bench. Michelle was hugging herself and, unsurprisingly,
staring at him from afar while Mrs. Whittier spoke to her. Michelle didn't look
like she was taking in a word of it. She looked like she wanted to get up and
walk over, like there were no other people in the room that registered in her
perception between herself and Eggsy.
Five minutes later, the door opened and the court assistant beckoned them all
back inside.
The magistrates were no longer shuffling their papers. They all sat straight
and watched as the room filed in. They looked like they had come to a decision.
They waited until everyone had resumed their seats. Longfellow cleared her
throat. "After reviewing the presented testimony and evidence, we have decided
to award Mr. Hart custody of Gary Unwin, as his adult guardian. This custody
will be subject to probation for a period of time, with a social worker
scheduling check-ups every so often to assess Mr. Unwin's well-being. We have
also decided that Mrs. Unwin will have limited, supervised visitation. If Mrs.
Unwin's circumstances improve, visitation can be re-examined in one year's time
to allow for more frequent occurrences, or the removal of required supervision,
according to evidence and what is in Gary Unwin's best interests."
Michelle let out a sound that was neither a breath nor a sob, something so
strained that she almost collapsed in her chair. "No, please, you don't
understand...." Mrs. Whittier's hands went around her shoulders to steady her
as she pleaded. "I'm not a bad mother. He did this...all these things.
Everything was okay before he came along an'--"
"I'm sorry Mrs. Unwin, but this decision is final. And that concludes our
hearing today." Magistrate Longfellow gave a short nod.
Kern and Smith packed up their files and shook Harry’s hand while Harry gave
them a few words of thanks in return. They stood together, Harry helping Eggsy
up. The court assistant moved toward Michelle, and gently, along with Mrs.
Whittier, began to usher her toward the door even as she still pleaded with
them to listen to her.
"Mr. Hart, if you'd please proceed down the hall with Mr. Unwin, there are a
few documents that you'll need to sign. The clerk there will fill you in on
anything else you'll need to know, including scheduled visits from Gary's
social worker and his mother's visitation rights." Longfellow waited to see
Harry's nod, then collected her papers and stood, along with her colleagues.
The magistrates left to go to their next case of the day, ignoring Michelle's
pleas with a stoicism that only came with practice and desensitization.
Once again they spilled into the hall with a flurry of noise. They were meant
to be following the clerk, who motioned toward the end of the hall and to the
left to find the office with the necessary paperwork, but Michelle's voice rang
out behind them followed by the squeak of trainers on the polished floor.
"Eggsy."
Eggsy had only lost sight of her for a second, but when he turned his head
again she was right there, kneeling down to scoop him in her arms. It was a
full bodied embrace, and one that tugged him away from Harry's hand. Harry, who
turned abruptly behind him.
Michelle's move had startled the others, but when Mrs. Whittier raised her
voice, calling Michelle's name and moving toward her, Harry held up a hand to
stop her.
"Eggsy...I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." Michelle whispered in his ear, not
letting go.
Eggsy returned the embrace, his stomach filling up with misery at how broken
his mother sounded. He'd seen her sad or stressed before, but nothing like
this. Losing her job, or a boyfriend, or worrying about money was nothing
compared with losing a child. It wasn't like they'd never see each other again,
but Michelle hated Harry, maybe even enough to think that Harry might stop her
from visiting. "It's gonna be ok, mum, really. I've been fine, I'll be fine,
you don't gotta worry."
He couldn't see her face very well. Her hair was in the way and she was too
close, but he could hear the tears in her voice. "Don't want you to go. Didn't
want none of this to happen." She took a few deep breaths to calm herself and
just hugged him, then she turned and whispered more deliberately than before.
"You be careful, okay? If anything ever happens...you call me. You call your
caseworker. Just...I don't want to see you hurt." She hugged him tighter before
she finally let him go.
"Yeah, okay." Eggsy didn't know how to respond to his mother's words. He
understood why she'd tell him to be careful, because she always had said things
like that, and it made all the more sense given how she didn't trust Harry...
but his throat closed up upon realizing that she thought Harry would hurt him.
Harry, who had been so very, very careful to make sure he was happy and had
everything he needed and didn't feel hurt or frightened. "We can visit sometime
soon too, right? That's what Harry told me, that I can see you whenever I
want,"
She nodded and wiped at her eyes. "Yeah baby, I'm gonna come visit you as much
as I can. You'll be sick of me." Her smile wavered but she put it on and kept
it there, trying to look like she'd be ok. She got to her feet again, and Eggsy
could see how hard it was for her, how the emotional toll was putting her under
physical pressure, but she managed without help. And she did look calmer once
she was up.
She took a breath and let it out quietly. "Okay then. I'll see you soon."
Eggsy felt Harry's hand on his shoulder once again, and, gently, Harry pulled
him away while the others began to take their leave as well.
Eggsy began to tear up once they reached the office. The notary had been told
that they were coming and had already begun putting together the guardianship
paperwork Harry would have to sign, but was forced to wait while Eggsy wrapped
arms around Harry's waist and attempted to hide how upset he was. Harry
returned the embrace and rubbed Eggsy's back to soothe him, which only made
Eggsy more embarrassed. He'd been trying so hard to behave like an adult and
seem mature and composed, and now he looked like an emotional child.
Fortunately, the clerk had enough sense to keep to his duties in the next room
while Eggsy had a moment. For the time being, they were alone.
"It's okay," Harry told him quietly, "you can cry." He ran his fingers through
Eggsy's hair in a gesture intimately familiar now, and yet one not so out of
place were they to be seen. "You don't have to be strong all the time."
Harry's arms were warmth and love and comfort, all things Eggsy needed in that
moment. In spite of the way Harry had lied, in spite of Michelle's worries,
Harry still wrapped Eggsy up in these things. Harry was the one rock he had
left to lean on, and Harry didn't let him down.
Harry said it was alright to cry, but Eggsy didn't feel like it was. Boys were
supposed to be tough, even if they were upset. Eggsy had heard again and again
about how keeping a stiff upper lip was an admirable trait, from other people
and from the media he'd watched for years. Crying in front of Harry was
alright, because Harry understood, but crying in front of strangers would make
him feel worse.
"C-can we go home, after this? I just want to be home." Back in the safety of
Harry's house, where they could curl up together away from prying eyes. Then
Eggsy could cry if he felt like it.
"Yes, we can," Harry said softly.
When Eggsy was composed enough to pull away, Harry took a moment to make sure
he was alright. Like Harry could see inside him with just that long glance of
his. With one last stroke of Harry's fingers through his hair, Harry left Eggsy
at the waiting chairs to go and give a light rap at the office window where he
was helped by the clerk only a minute later.
The clerk had compiled a folder full of forms for Harry to sign. They talked
briefly and then Harry found a seat next to Eggsy and began filling out the
papers.
Eggsy tried glancing over to read some of it, but the text made him dizzy. He
couldn't understand why people would write it to be so confusing and
frustrating. He might ask Harry someday, but at the moment, the boy didn't
really care to hear why legal documents were written to put people to sleep. He
sat quietly and wished he had bought his Game Boy. Harry turned pages and
signed at a steady pace, but to Eggsy's mind, the pages multiplied under his
pen, generating five new leaves for each one completed.
Once, when the clerk had gone back to the other room for something, Harry
paused to reach over and stroke the back of Eggsy's neck, just a small gesture,
but one that was incredibly soothing, before he went back to filling out the
papers.
It must have been at least fifteen minutes before Harry was finished. He
brought them up to the counter and exchanged more words and forms with the
clerk. He gave Harry some to take home that either had to be signed and
returned or perhaps just kept for his records. But finally Harry turned back to
Eggsy, forms held at his side, and ready to go.
They walked through the uncrowded halls of the building together in silence.
Stepping out into the world and finding the clouds had cleared somewhat after
such an event was like stepping into a completely new day.
The sun wasn't even at its zenith. That morning's case, and the paperwork,
couldn't have taken long at all, and yet it seemed like it had to Eggsy.
Fatigue had crept into him, greater than the sort he'd felt after a long stint
of homework, or the ache of a day spent skateboarding with his mates. The
sunlight washed London in colour, and while Eggsy still had a lingering sadness
when remembering how distraught his mother was and how guilty he felt, the
sight made him... hopeful.
They didn't have to worry about Michelle taking him away, now, or telling Eggsy
that he couldn't see Harry anymore. His life with Harry didn't have to be a
short dream. It had become a reality.
Harry looked down at him as they walked, and he must have seen something in
Eggsy's face because Harry offered him a small smile before he pulled the boy
closer and wrapped an arm around his shoulder.
The walk back to Harry's car wasn't long and the drive through the city felt
surreal, moving through streets that would soon become more familiar than those
in the opposite direction. Harry's house on the quiet little mew stood waiting
for them when they arrived, unchanged from when they had left and yet it held a
new significance now. This was home.
Harry helped Eggsy out of his coat when they were inside. "Care for a cup of
tea?" Harry asked as though today were any other day.
"Yeah. With sugar in." Mr. Pickle stretched and got up from his bed, and Eggsy
scratched him behind the ears while Harry began filling the kettle. Eggsy
looked down at the dog's watery, trusting eyes and wagging tail. "Hey, Harry?
I'm just gonna take Mr. Pickle outside for a second. I'll be right back,
alright?"
The dog's excitement immediately picked up as soon as Eggsy started walking him
towards the door, and it was a chore to snap the leash onto his collar.
Animal antics were just what Eggsy needed to get him smiling again as they left
the house. Mr. Pickle pulled him down the walkway, inspecting every sight and
sound and smell.
Mr. Pickle was Eggsy's dog too, now. He didn't have to constantly worry about
when he was going to have to pack up, or what he'd have to leave behind. This
was his neighbourhood, and his neighbours. Eggsy wouldn't need to plan for what
he was going to do when forced back with his mother, or where he might run away
to if that happened and Michelle had another violent boyfriend. He'd gotten to
choose his home.
Eggsy turned around to look at Harry's house, with the inviting lights
beckoning from just inside the windows. The air was crisp and cool, but Eggsy
felt plenty warm from the sight.
Reluctantly, Mr. Pickle let himself be led back inside.
When Eggsy returned, he found Harry waiting for him with two steaming mugs of
tea atop the coffee table. Harry was reclined on the couch, his long legs
spread out before him with the remote in his hand and the telly on some film
playing quietly. His gaze was as warm as the indoors compared to the cold
outside.
"How was the walk around your new neighbourhood?" Harry inquired as Mr. Pickle
snuffled around before he settled down to make himself comfortable on the
floor.
"Good. 'specially now that your neighbours don't think I'm casing places an'
stuff." Eggsy wasn't about to forget the fact that Harry's neighbours must have
thought him a chav, enough to call the Met on him. Not everyone who was upper
class was as nice as Harry, but they were just going to have to deal with their
disapproval now that Eggsy lived there permanently. "I finally realized why it
feels weird, though. Since I lived at Rowley Way with my mum for as long as I
can remember, and there's the tracks right in back, right? I hear traffic, but
never trains."
Harry's brows rose in interest as he made room for Eggsy on the couch. "Do you
miss them?" There appeared to be little weight to the question, as Harry often
asked Eggsy things like that and never held it against him if Eggsy said he
still liked something about his old neighbourhood better. Today, however, the
question could have held more meaning even if Harry didn't show it. He pulled
Eggsy into his arms when Eggsy drew closer, giving him little choice about
sitting down on the couch or not. Harry hadn't forgotten the way Eggsy clung to
him and fought back tears when they'd gotten out of the court room.
"Yeah, a little. I got used to falling asleep hearing the clacking, or waking
up to it. Not that I've been having trouble sleeping or nothin'. It's just
weird not hearing it anymore, like going outside and not hearing any birds when
it's summer." Eggsy squirmed until he was comfortably settled against Harry.
Harry placed a mug in his hands. Eggsy took a swallow and felt warmth spread
against his ribs, and with Harry as a solid presence against his side, the boy
started to relax. He hadn't been aware how tense he'd been until his frame
started unknotting.
"This will take some getting used to. And unfortunately it's not all going to
be easier now that you live in a wealthy neighbourhood. You'll find a great
many people share the attitudes of our neighbours, for example." Harry sipped
his tea and let one hand slide over Eggsy's back. Noting the way Eggsy leaned
into it, Harry pressed his fingers in and began a light massage. "You'll start
meeting people around here, very likely people your own age. And of course you
can still visit your friends when you like, but these sorts of people won't be
as...separate as they once were."
"What d'you mean, separate?" Eggsy took another drink of his tea and let the
sugary taste settle on his tongue. Mention of his friends had pulled feelings
of sorrow into the light again. With all the complications in his life,
distance, and how much Harry had preoccupied him, Eggsy hadn't interacted with
his friends outside of school nearly as much as he used to.
Harry gave a hum in thought. "You'll be rubbing elbows with the posh brats in
this neighbourhood."
Harry didn't want to bring up Eggsy's schooling so soon, and all the
opportunities that would open up to him once the year was through. He strongly
suspected Eggsy would want to stay with what was familiar for as long as he
could, but eventually he'd have to move on to secondary and a decision would
have to be made.
"But..." Eggsy frowned. He liked the idea of interacting with upper class boys
just about as much as they would, or so Eggsy guessed. "Won't they not want to
talk to me? They're gonna know I'm not posh soon as I start talkin' to them.
They ain't gonna have anything in common. Maybe football, 'cause I don't see
how anyone can't like football, but I don't even know what posh people talk
about. You don't count, 'cause you're posh but not really. You're like a normal
person."
Harry snorted and patted Eggsy's back. "I simply mean it'll be inevitable." He
set down his mug and reclined back against the couch, letting his arm fall
around Eggsy. "But it's nothing you need to worry about just yet. And you
should still be able to escape when you need to."
There was a lot to sort out still. Harry had to set up visitation dates with
Michelle and schedule appointments with Eggsy's care worker. Fortunately Rhonda
was still assigned to his case. She had taken favourably enough to Harry that
they shouldn’t have much trouble with her even if Michelle decided to strain
things.
"What do you say we take the day off tomorrow?" Harry asked. "Call it a
celebration."
"Yeah, that sounds good." Eggsy's voice didn't have quite as much of its usual
pep, and when Harry glanced over the boy was still deep in thought. Harry's
words had brought an aspect of their life together to Eggsy's attention that he
hadn't considered before. "Harry, why's it inevitable? Just 'cause we're in a
posh neighborhood? Does... does that mean I gotta learn to be posh, too? 'Cause
I don't think I can. That's like changing an' being someone else entirely."
Harry gave him a small smile and squeezed his shoulder. "No, it doesn't. You
don't have to learn to be anything other than what you want to be. Although you
may find a certain amount of adaptability will help you along the way." Harry
thought for a moment. "For now, however, I'd like you to remain at the school
where you're comfortable. I'd like you to see your friends whenever you want,
and not feel pressured to change on my account." Harry's smile was a little
brighter when he looked at Eggsy again. He even bent to give him a kiss at his
temple.
Eggsy finished up his tea and set the mug down, all the better to turn and wrap
his arms around Harry as much as he could. He could only reach so far, but it
was far enough. "I didn't really think about school," Eggsy murmured. "I just
thought... everythin' was gonna stay the same, except y'know... livin' here
with you. I didn't think about stuff before, 'cause there was no point. Might
get an apprenticeship, maybe, but nobody I know was ever gonna get to uni or
anything. You only go to school because you gotta, not because it's gonna get
you anywhere, 'cause you don't got the money to get anywhere."
"Well, you'll have many years to think about it yet. But those doors are open
to you now, should you want them." Harry felt good enough about informing Eggsy
of that much. It was only an option. And it was true, Eggsy would have a long
time to think about it and get used to living with Harry. And that...well,
Harry realised the thought of that hadn't quite sank in for him either. In
spite of how much he'd thought of it, Eggsy staying with him, him being able to
afford all of Eggsy's needs as he got older. ...of Eggsy growing up and
pursuing his own desires, wherever that may lead. Eggsy had assumed it would
always be this way between them, but Harry knew how much the wants of a young
boy changed over time. Among other things.
With that, Harry gathered Eggsy closer and spread himself out on the couch
again, Eggsy seated in his lap. The telly was playing some comedy film he
barely recognised, but it was a pleasant background distraction.
"What're we gonna to tomorrow? It bein' a day off and all." Eggsy didn't want
to think about heavy topics anymore. Not for months. It felt wrong to think of
serious things when they should have been celebrating the fact that he would
get to stay with Harry for certain, and that no one could split them apart.
Eggsy glanced over at the television, not really watching what was playing
across the screen. "D'you think maybe we could get a Nintendo or something,
sometime? They make games two people can play at once, together. That might be
fun, playin' together."
Harry laughed. "That's a splendid idea. I had no other plans for the day and it
would be nice to liven up the place." Eggsy's effects had left little mark on
the house so far, partially due to the fact that Eggsy didn't have much to
bring over besides clothes, a couple games, and his school supplies. Harry knew
that wouldn't last forever. Much like the comic books, Eggsy would acquire more
things with Harry around. However, that wasn't all bad. "I have no doubt I'd
whoop your arse in a heartbeat." His smile was cheekier than ever. And Harry,
being positioned underneath Eggsy, left himself quite vulnerable to
retaliation.
"You wish! I bet you I'd beat your arse without any practice at all!" A nudge
of competition was exactly the right tactic for the moment. Eggsy couldn't help
but rise to the challenge. Video games were one of the few things the boy felt
he was good at, for all that he'd only ever played his small handheld. Unlike
other portions of his life, where he had little control or success would always
be out of reach whatever he did, video games made him feel talented. "Whatcha
gonna wager, huh?"
Harry raised an eyebrow, his own interest piqued at that. "Hmm, well, let's
see. Shall we say we'll have a practise game to start with, and then best two
out of three? And if I win...." Harry's smile grew devilish as he leaned
closer. "If I win, I'd like to spread you out over my desk again. Before
bedtime. You look so delectable in your new pyjamas.... I'd like you to let me
have you like that." Harry nipped at Eggsy's ear. "Do you think that's a fair
offer?"
"Maybe. Depends on what I get if I win." Eggsy didn't think that his forfeit
sounded much like losing at all. It might have been what Harry wanted as a
reward, but it was something Eggsy enjoyed, too. The boy gave it some thought,
lips slightly pursed as his own wants ran through his mind. "How about... if I
win, you get me off as much as I want with your mouth, 'cept without the
torture this time. And you gotta wear whatever I want. Deal?"
"That's a deal. And I can't say that I'd be sorry to lose." Harry's smirk split
into a grin. "I hear one is expected to seal these things with a kiss." When
Eggsy laughed, Harry leaned in farther and pressed their mouths together. He
deepened it slowly, as though he really were sealing something between them,
but other than that, Harry kept it chaste. His hands didn't wander under
Eggsy's clothes, although they did tighten around the boy's middle, just
feeling how close he was. For now, that was all Harry needed.
"Alright. And it's good that you're ok with losing, 'cause you're gonna," Eggsy
proclaimed emphatically. His mischievous smile had reappeared now that he had
other things to distract him, and he rocked back and forth happily, not
entirely oblivious to the effect the motion was having on Harry. If anything,
the boy's smile widened a touch. "Harry, d'you like football? Can we go see a
match sometime?"
"You are a little devil," Harry announced and shifted to make himself
comfortable under Eggsy. He didn't attempt to hide his own smile. "Although
yes, I admit I do enjoy a good match. And maybe, maybe we can go sometime."
Harry let his head fall back on the couch and laughed when Eggsy fell atop him,
asking about when and for what matches, then asking about what teams Harry
liked. It was all so easy to fall into, just like it had been before the shadow
of the hearing had been cast over their little world.
Harry knew it gave Eggsy a spark of hope for the future, and honestly, it did
for him as well. He could fall into this, and keep falling. He knew Merlin
would accuse him of falling too far, but it couldn't be helped.
He could only hold on while he could.
***** Chapter 21 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Reality imposed itself quickly enough. A few days after their gaming
tournament, during which Harry may have let Eggsy win just to see the pride and
pleasure on his face, Harry was assigned a new mission. Only a short one, and
Harry was suspicious that Merlin may have been involved in encouraging other
agents to take more time- and travel-intensive jobs, but it wouldn't be long
before Harry was forced to resume his usual share of duties.
Harry was comfortable enough to leave Eggsy alone for the short time that he
had to be gone. All the boy would have to do would be to let himself in and
help himself to something in the kitchen for dinner. Harry would be back in the
wee hours of the morning, enough to get a bit of sleep and see Eggsy off to
school the following day.
Harry's flight to Paris that morning had him packing in a hurry, but not fast
enough to miss saying goodbye to a very sleepy Eggsy.
It was difficult, as Harry knew it would be these first few missions, to leave
Eggsy alone at the house without thinking about him all day. And resisting the
urge to check in. He was on radio silence for the time being, infiltrating the
offices of foreign diplomats required such restrictions, but Harry knew it was
all for the better regardless. He couldn't let himself fall into such patterns
at work.
Eggsy passed the day at school trying to think up what he was going to do that
evening with Harry gone. Dinner wouldn't be a problem - particularly not now
that Harry had bought him a step stool to help him reach things - but Eggsy had
gotten into a habit of spending every night with Harry in some form or another.
The house was strange without him there.
An idea surfaced, and once it caught hold, Eggsy couldn't wait to get back
home. He didn't know much about Harry's past, but the photo albums he'd found
with Landon couldn't be the only thing Harry had kept around. Everything in
Harry's house was a clue, of sorts, about him, even the books he decided to
keep on his bookshelf. Eggsy determined that he was going to go on a treasure
hunt to learn more about Harry.
His search began after he arrived home that afternoon and had found himself a
snack. The photo albums seemed the place to start, since Eggsy hadn't really
gotten to look at them much since Harry had been back, and if they were buried
in boxes of stuff in Harry's garage stall, then there might be more to find
there as well. Though Eggsy had been down there a few times when Harry hadn't
brought the car up, he'd never been able to stop and see. As far as he'd been
able to tell, there was only the shelf that held a couple boxes, and a small
cabinet beside it.
The way down to the underground garage was a bit creepy without Harry's
presence, and Eggsy made the journey without running into any of the
neighbours.
Eggsy had found a penlight in a junk drawer in the kitchen, and he clicked it
on to give himself a bit of extra light. The first place he looked was the
obvious: the cabinet he hadn't peeked in last time. The metal doors weren't
locked, but a quick dig through the contents revealed nothing exciting. Eggsy
didn't recognize all of it, but everything looked like it belonged in the
garage, mostly to help maintain Harry's car or because Harry didn't want to
store some tools and cleaning chemicals in the house proper.
Eggsy shut the doors and moved on to the next target, eying the higher shelf
with boxes he hadn't looked at yet. The shelf wasn't so high up for an adult,
but for him, it looked impossible.
Impossible but for the support beam next to the car. When Eggsy glanced up, a
plan began to form. He'd been a fairly good climber when he'd been going to
gymnastics, and he didn't think it would be too difficult to tip the boxes off
the shelf if he could get up to the crossbeam and climb his way over. Not much
different than the monkey bars at the park, really. He even had the perfect
tool to get just high enough to jump up and grab the beam: the stepstool in the
kitchen that Harry had bought him.
When Eggsy brought the stool down and positioned it below the beam, he was able
to hoist himself up using a foot on the wall and a hand on one of the pipes
that ran up the side of a cement support column. Not the best hold, but just
enough of one to swing himself high enough to catch the crossbeam with his
other hand. With that, he let go of the pipe and got both hands on the beam.
With another swing of his lower half, he got his feet up and securely around
it, so he didn't have to worry about slipping.
It didn't take much more effort to work his way across and even look in the
boxes to make sure nothing would break if they fell to the floor.
Eggsy had just let the first box drop to the ground and was getting ready to
tip the second when something odd caught his eye. Not...odd in and of itself,
as it was only the door to what was probably an electrical panel beside the top
of the shelf, but there were....smudges of fingerprints through the dust on it.
Like someone had jumped and swiped their hand against the panel, either opening
it or closing it. But whoever it was would have had to have been pretty tall to
reach that high.
Eggsy scooted closer along the beam. Even if it was just an electric box,
sometimes people kept things in really strange places. The mother of one of his
mates had kept money and jewellery in an emptied-out oatmeal canister, his
mother had done similar by sticking money under her mattress, and another mate
had hidden all of his cigarette packs behind one of his room's ventilation
grates. Eggsy could never tell what he might find someplace just because he
thought he knew what it contained.
With his leg and one arm wrapped around the beam, he didn't have any trouble
reaching out to open the panel. It swung open silently and with little
resistance.
Rather than wiring or circuit switches, a something dark and smooth was nestled
in foam casing on the other side of the panel. A handgun. Eggsy froze for a
moment, then reached out to touch it. Cold metal greeted his fingers. The
weapon was real, and not a plastic prop.
It was heavy when he lifted it, careful to take it around the handle. Small
grooves in its side dug into his fingers and Eggsy's heartbeat quickened when
he brought it out into the low light of the garage.
It was probably the standard size of a pistol, but it seemed huge in his hand.
It also looked...different from any kind of pistol Eggsy had seen before. There
was a second barrel underneath the usual one, one that was bigger than the
first. It also had not one, but two triggers. When Eggsy turned it to the side,
he saw a notch indicating that the safety was on, but when he glanced into the
panel he'd taken it from, he didn't see any cases of bullets. It could very
well have been loaded already.
Eggsy had never seen Harry armed. Maybe he had brought a weapon with him before
on business trips, but that seemed pretty unlikely. The neighbourhood wasn't
likely to have a lot of danger or robberies, unlike places Eggsy had been
before. Harry already had an electronic security system anyway, and if someone
did break into the house, Harry would have to go past the intruder to get down
to the garage and get the gun.
Eggsy's stomach clenched. For some reason, the strange conversation he'd
overheard between Landon and Harry came to mind as he held the gun. Harry had
tried to explain away some of what he'd heard, but even so, something about it
had been odd, with Harry commenting about how he wasn't going soft. Maybe he'd
been lying about the conversation. Maybe even who he'd been talking to.
After all, Eggsy would never know. Harry had been perfectly convincing in court
when he'd lied.
Eggsy looked around. His arm was getting tired and he had nowhere to put the
gun to get down. He couldn't drop it on top of the shelf because there would be
no way he could get it down after, and there was no way he felt safe enough
about dropping it on the floor. It was his extensive knowledge of action flicks
that saved the day in the end, and with a bit of manoeuvring, Eggsy stuck the
gun in the back of his trousers.
Making his way back across the beam and then down the support column wasn't as
easy as getting up, but Eggsy had just enough of the pipe to grip and inch back
down to the floor.
Suddenly the boxes of odds and ends weren't that interesting, but he couldn't
just leave them there on the floor, one of them tipped over and spilling out.
So he righted them and found another photo album along with the first two for
the trouble.
Eggsy took the gun back out of his waistband and carefully made his way back up
the stairs. His curiosity was far more reserved for the gun than the photo
album at that point. Try as he might, he just couldn't think of an explanation
for it.
He could see Harry owning a handgun, maybe even just so that he could go to a
range with Landon. It wasn't improbable that they had some overlapping hobbies
if they were friends outside of work. Except... if Harry had that hobby, Eggsy
thought he would have mentioned it when Eggsy had told him about the places
he'd gone with Landon, maybe even offered to take him to the range again since
he'd enjoyed it so much. He also would have kept the gun someplace else, like a
gun safe. Eggsy didn't know what those looked like, but he imagined they looked
like other sorts of safe boxes, and not like an altered electrical box with no
locks on it.
Bringing it into the light of the house was surreal.
When Eggsy stood in the hall, holding it up in front of him, he could see that
it wasn't exactly new. By the scuff marks on its side and the wear in the
divots on the handle, it looked pretty well used. If this was Harry's, and it
could hardly be anyone else's, Harry had had it for a very long time. It was
hard to tell what the second barrel was for, too. Something that went with the
second trigger, perhaps. It didn't make a whole lot of sense for a gun to have
two barrels, unless they shot different things. Eggsy had never heard of a gun
like that.
One thing he was certain about, however, he had plenty of time to think about
it before Harry got home that night.
Eggsy wasn't certain that he wanted to. The idea that Harry might be keeping
secrets from him made his chest feel tight. Eggsy didn't want to be suspicious
of Harry, or think that Harry might have lied to him about some things. He
wanted there to be a simple, rational explanation for the gun.
But Eggsy had also just seen how convincingly and easily Harry could lie, when
they were in court. Harry had even tutored him on how to convincingly lie. He
had strange conversations with his strange friend Landon. He worked stranger
hours than Eggsy had ever heard of a tailor working, even if he was catering to
bizarre rich people who were a bit touched in the head. Then there was the
mugging and, now that Eggsy thought about it, Harry kept implying that he had
several coworkers besides Landon to help him run his shop, but Eggsy had only
met the one other clerk, and Harry had never mentioned his other co-workers by
name. He didn't tell stories about them either.
If Eggsy had been living back at the estates, he knew what his mum would have
told him. Anyone who had a bit too much money and odd hours, well, Michelle had
a lot to say about what those neighbours were up to, no matter that her
boyfriend had been one of them.
But Harry..... Eggsy couldn't imagine Harry being involved with the kinds of
things that went on around the estates, drugs and weapons and prostitution....
Even theft, Eggsy couldn't see Harry having anything to do with. Harry had
money already, probably had always had money. That's what he'd told Eggsy about
his family and he sure wasn't faking the accent. It didn't make any sense.
Eggsy knew that sometimes people in the service made connections with bad
people when overseas, but Harry just didn't seem like the type. He was nice. He
was considerate and kind. He was gentle. If he'd been a bad person, he would
have probably just kidnapped Eggsy, or done things to him and then dropped him
in the street. That's what happened on the telly, anyway, and Eggsy knew enough
from the telly and listening to people talk that rich people got away with all
sorts of things that poor people went to jail for.
What scared Eggsy most, really, wasn't the wild thoughts that Harry might be
involved in darker things. What scared him was the sudden thought that, just
maybe, he might not know who Harry was. He might not know Harry. So much of
Eggsy's life had been unstable, or involved people trying to lie to him and
trick him, even if they had the best intentions. The idea that maybe Harry had
done the same was unbearable.
All Eggsy wanted was for Harry to come home and give him a rational explanation
for the gun, and where it had been hidden, so that the cold little whispers of
doubt and fear at the back of his mind would quiet for good.
He brought it to the couch with him and for a long time just sat there with it,
turning it over in his hands. When he couldn't think about it any longer, he
turned on the telly, but it remained a constant weight in his palm.
When Eggsy got hungry enough, he moved it to the coffee table and went to find
what Harry had left for him in the refrigerator. He knew how to use the
microwave and that helped the leftover pasta, but when he went back to the
living room the gun, sitting there with the lamplight glinting off its dulled
metal edges, drew his eye and he wasn't able to pry his thoughts away from it
completely for the rest of the night.
Worry made time crawl by. Eggsy flipped through the channels, but nothing could
hold his attention. Turning off the telly wasn't an option either, as he found
that the silence in the house ate at him, and so he left it on just so that
he'd have some background noise. Mr. Pickle wasn't interested in playing much,
and when Eggsy went to try to find something to read, everything reminded him
of Harry. The books were Harry's, or he'd bought them for Eggsy.
Eggsy eventually drifted back into the kitchen and fixed himself a mug of hot
chocolate, just like Harry tended to do for him when he was feeling upset. It
didn't distract him from thinking about Harry, but at least with this, it was
in a positive way. It was a ritual he associated with comfort and everything
turning out alright in the end.
He curled up on the couch again, this time with one of the blankets from their
fort, and tried to get comfortable.
Eggsy waited a long time for Harry to come home. His hot chocolate had gone
cold halfway through and he'd gotten sleepy at about the same point. He stayed
awake hours later though, well into the night half watching some supernatural
thriller. The film had changed to another one far too boring for Eggsy's tastes
before he finally heard footsteps at the door and the turning of keys in the
lock.
Eggsy's body felt leaden as he tried to rouse himself. Harry followed the sound
of the telly, but he seemed to be surprised to find Eggsy still awake. Eggsy
tried to force a smile and seem at ease, but he wasn't certain if he managed
it. "Hey, Harry. Work go ok and everything? 's pretty late."
Harry had come around the corner in his dark navy suit, coat slung over one
arm, perfectly together in spite of the late hour apart from a few strands of
hair that had escaped its neat sweep. He came to an abrupt halt.
The way Harry froze wasn't like the way Eggsy had seen anyone freeze before. It
wasn't a sudden jerk. It was so fluid, but so abrupt that it couldn't have been
anything else. His eyes had landed on the gun sitting right where Eggsy had
left it on the coffee table. Harry's gaze moved to Eggsy next, unreadable.
"Where did you find that?" Harry asked, voice low, but not harsh, over the
sound of the telly.
"Why? Do you have more than one? In more than one hiding spot?" Eggsy couldn't
imagine that Harry wouldn't know about a gun in his house. It had to be his. If
he just had one, and kept it in the same place, he'd know that Eggsy had found
that place and not need to ask where it had come from. "How come you've got a
weird gun? I've never seen one like this before, even in movies and stuff."
Harry frowned. It was a hard sort of look, like there was stone in the edges of
his face where it should have been soft. "You took that out of the garage,
didn't you?" he asked, making it clear Eggsy's questions would have to wait.
When Eggsy's confusion didn't lessen, nor did he look chastised, Harry sighed.
He pushed up his glasses and knelt beside the couch and the table, picking up
the gun. "Eggsy, I know Sean took you out shooting, but one day on the range is
no reason you should feel comfortable enough to pick this up on your own and
take it back into the house." Harry didn't look ashamed that Eggsy had found
it. He looked serious.
"I know enough to know the safety's on," Eggsy protested. The boy's response to
Harry's demeanour was visceral, and recognisable for any child his age. Eggsy
knew when he was going to get a lecture, and he was so used to enduring such
from adults that he struggled to hold onto his confidence and slid, instead,
into defensiveness. His confusion was all the more tangible because he had not
expected Harry to be like other adults, mostly because he'd never aligned with
those stereotypes and expectations. "I was careful. It wasn't like I expected
to find it, neither. I didn't think you owned a gun."
Harry checked that the safety was in fact on and then, surprisingly, was the
first to break eye contact while he rubbed his temple. "Of course I own a gun,
Eggsy. That many years in the service, I’d think it impractical not to own a
gun. I just didn't expect anyone to go combing through the garage to find it."
When Harry looked up at him again, the man looked calmer. He looked more like
the Harry Eggsy knew.
Eggsy paused and worried at his lower lip. Harry's words felt off, and yet they
sounded right. Eggsy could see someone who used to be in the military owning a
gun, even if they became something completely different in civilian life, like
a tailor. And Harry just... looked like Harry. Soft, open, safe. "I didn't-...
I didn't comb through there lookin' for it, 'cause I didn't know you had
nothin' like it. I was just lookin' for more photo albums, but I was too short
to reach. Why'd you hide it in such a weird spot? I thought people normally had
safes or somethin'."
Harry gave him a tight smile and turned the gun over in his hands. It fit him
much better than it did Eggsy. "I hid it there for safety. If anything should
ever happen, and quickly, a safe wouldn't do much good." When Harry glanced
back to him and Eggsy's brows furrowed, Harry went on. "One takes a certain
amount of paranoia back from the field, I'm afraid."
"Isn't it too far to do much good all the way in the garage, though? If someone
broke in, you gotta go right past them to go get it." Eggsy was forgetting
something, he knew it, but for the life of him he couldn't remember what. Harry
was looking at him steadily, and something about him was a little bit sad, and
Eggsy couldn't hold on to his suspicion. What had seemed rational and alarming
now seemed silly, and looking at Harry, Eggsy couldn't remember why he'd
doubted the man.
"Not if you're coming in via the garage to find the house has been broken into.
Burglars tend to prefer that no one’s home when they rob a place." The sad
smile at the edges of Harry's mouth lifted a little, sensing Eggsy's withering
resolve. Harry raised a hand to card through Eggsy's hair in silent apology.
"I'm sorry it startled you, finding it up there. And you were careful with it,
although I'd rather not think about how you must have gotten it down." Harry
let a bit of the reprimand he'd almost given Eggsy into his gaze, but he held
it back all the same.
Eggsy caved. His chin lowered as his gaze dropped, and guilt flitted across the
boy's face. He hadn't really done anything wrong, but that didn't matter. "'m
sorry. I was just lookin, y'know, for stuff about you. Because I'd liked the
pictures I'd found before. I thought, since I found those in the garage, maybe
there was more in there. I left the telly on but the house is quiet and weird
when you're gone."
Harry set the gun back down on the table and rose to lift himself up on the
couch. He pulled Eggsy into his arms and tucked the boy's head under his chin.
"I know," Harry sighed. "I don't want you to get hurt. I should have locked it
up when you moved in. Photo albums, comparatively, are quite harmless." Eggsy
felt Harry's touch at the back of his scalp again, gently massaging before
Harry pulled back. "I'm going to go put it away. Now that you know it's there,
I'd prefer it if you didn't try to take it down again unless you need to defend
yourself. Okay?"
"Okay," Eggsy readily agreed. Guns were fascinating, but no longer completely
magnetic now that Landon had taken him to a shooting range and let him use one.
The pull of the taboo was no longer as strong, and Eggsy knew from Landon's
instructional lessons that accidents happened even with safety switches.
The boy turned in his seat on the couch to watch Harry leave, and his heart
fluttered. He knew that Harry wasn't leaving the house, but the impulse to
follow him was nearly overwhelming - not out of suspicion, but because he'd
been away all evening. Eggsy was used to a routine of having Harry there every
night, and it was encouraging dependency.
It was a few minutes before Harry returned. Eggsy heard the door to the garage
close and then the sounds of Harry hanging up his coat and jacket before
footsteps preceded him down the hall. Harry was undoing his cuff links and tie,
and he looked tired. Eggsy hadn't noticed before, or perhaps it was that Harry
hadn't looked tired before, but he did now. It was late. Or maybe Harry had
lingering thoughts about Eggsy and the gun.
Harry turned to the kitchen and then glanced back to Eggsy. "Have you had
enough to eat tonight?"
"Yeah. I reheated some stuff earlier. And had some hot chocolate, too." Eggsy
couldn't stay seated anymore. He got to his feet and walked towards Harry,
blanket still draped around him and dragging along the ground like an oversized
cloak.
Eggsy glanced over Harry as he drew closer. His eye caught for a moment on a
vivid scuff mark marring the surface of one of Harry's shoes. Harry took great
care with his clothes, and Eggsy couldn't remember such a mark on any of his
shoes before. "Are you ok?"
Harry blinked. "Perfectly fine, why do you ask?" He reached out to take Eggsy
under his arm and lead him up the stairs to get ready for bed, turning off the
lights as they went.
Eggsy didn't catch another glimpse of the scuff until they were in Harry's
bedroom and Harry began undressing. Besides that, the rest of his suit looked
pristine as usual although Eggsy didn't exactly get up close to see before
Harry set his shirt and trousers in the hamper to be cleaned. He raised a brow
when he turned and caught Eggsy looking.
Eggsy blushed, but he didn't look away. "You just seemed kinda... sad? Or maybe
tired? And I missed you. I know you weren't gone long, but it was creepy
without you here. Mr. Pickle wasn't very good company, he just slept a lot."
With that, Eggsy let himself tip backwards and fall to bounce against the
mattress. He still kept his eyes on Harry, repositioning himself until he was
laying on his stomach and his chin rested on one palm.
"Mmm, just tired I think." The corner of Harry’s mouth curled as he climbed up
on the bed, reaching for Eggsy. Harry pulled the blanket away and Eggsy let it
go easily. Then Harry began to help him undress, too, sliding Eggsy's shirt
over his head and tugging his trousers down his legs before he was in a similar
state. When Harry bent to kiss his shoulder, Eggsy could see he'd come back to
the present somewhat. "Pyjamas tonight?" Harry murmured against his skin.
Eggsy nodded. He had stayed up most of the night waiting for Harry to get home
and worrying about the gun, and everything had unravelled at once. Going
without pyjamas was far too tempting for both of them, and Eggsy didn't want
anything more than to fall asleep with the reassurance of Harry's form curled
around him. "Yeah. I'm tired too."
Fabric shifted as Harry stood to go retrieve Eggsy's pyjamas. The boy stretched
out and waited. Nudity had begun to stop being a concern or source of
embarrassment for Eggsy; they'd done too much together for it to remain so, and
Harry had communicated repetitively in word and deed that he found Eggsy
attractive. "...Harry? How come you never talk about it? Bein' a soldier."
Harry glanced over his shoulder before he turned around with a fresh pair of
Eggsy's pyjamas, still soft and smelling of detergent. "It doesn't make the
best conversation I suppose," Harry said as he helped the sleeves of Eggsy's
shirt over his arms, not even chastening the boy for how lazy he was being,
flopping about to let Harry dress him like this. "And the nature of the work
was always...subject to a fair amount of secrecy," Harry admitted as he tugged
Eggsy's trousers up his hips and climbed in next to the boy. Harry kept his
robe, but he preferred sleeping in just his shorts.
"So you can't talk about it? Or d'you just not want to?" Eggsy turned and
scooted closer until they were entangled in their usual sleeping arrangement.
The boy had decided that he enjoyed being pampered a bit, especially with how
letting Harry dress or dry him off kept him at the centre of the man's
attention and sometimes encouraged more. He'd felt silly until he learned that
it paid off, as it was now. Harry was being looser with answers about his past
than Eggsy remembered. "I don't mind hearing about violence and stuff, y'know.
I can handle it."
Harry let out a breath, almost a laugh. The warmth of it touched Eggsy's skin.
"I believe you, cheeky thing," Harry teased. "It's a bit of both, really. Some
of it is, you know, national security and all, but some of it I'd rather not
talk about for reasons of my own." Harry smiled softly and stroked Eggsy's
cheek with his index finger. "It isn't easy for me to relate. There are things
that I've done that were not kind, to say the least."
Eggsy was silent for a moment. Given his findings earlier that evening, his
curiosity was overwhelming. He wanted to know and, at the same time, he didn't.
He wanted to know everything about Harry but, as the gun proved, sometimes he
was better off not knowing, at least in some sense. He'd worried and thought up
fantastical and horrifying possibilities all night, and though he now felt
better, Eggsy still had a bit of discomfort at knowing Harry had hidden
something from him. "Like... what kind of things?"
Harry frowned. "Things that I'd rather not go into, but you could easily
imagine when you think of war, the constant in-fighting inside of governments,
rebel factions, aid and the like to other countries. It's not an easy job."
Harry wrapped his arms loosely around Eggsy's back, watching him carefully.
Eggsy recognised that considering look upon Harry's face, the one that could
take his thoughts apart if Harry just stared long enough. Harry's thumb moved
over the small of his back, just below the hem of his shirt. "We should get
some sleep."
"Yeah, I guess so." Eggsy didn't want to let the subject drop, but if Harry
didn't want to talk about it right then, he wasn't likely to. Eggsy's
persuasive powers had limits. If he was lucky, maybe Harry might feel like
talking about it later, once the boy convinced him that he could handle it.
Eggsy knew soldiers had to sometimes do terrible things, but he didn't think
that would change his opinion of Harry. Maybe he even had stories about saving
people.
"Harry? Can I come with you sometime? To work?"
That got an eyebrow raise in return. "Eggsy, I can assure you the tailor shop
is far less interesting than a battlefield." Harry looked slightly amused and
yet befuddled all the same, unable to imagine how Eggsy's interest in one would
lead into an interest in the other. It appeared that no amount of staring into
Eggsy's eyes provided Harry any clues either. He certainly couldn't have
thought Eggsy wanted to see Landon again. Although they he had begun to get
along in the end, Eggsy had made it quite clear how unnerving he thought the
man was.
"I know, I just... You gotta have more friends, but I've not met any of them. I
don't even really know what you do. Isn't that sort of stuff important?" Eggsy
frowned, and his eyes went distant in thought. "Or... is it 'cause you're
worried they'll get suspicious if they meet me? Landon didn't. I don't gotta
like any of them, it's just weird that there's a lot I don't know about you
when you pretty much know everything about me. I guess you haven't met my
friends yet either, but they'd think you're weird. More weird than usual for a
parent."
Harry snorted. "Yes, thank you, I'm aware of how 'weird' they would think me."
Harry gave it some thought. Eggsy could see the cogs working in his head when
his eyes took on that far away look. "Hm.... I was thinking of making you up a
suit of your own someday soon. I suppose that wouldn't be entirely out of the
question. I'll have to find a day for you to come in, probably a weekend as
I'll never hear the end of it from the office at your school if I pull you out
yet again." Slowly, Harry nodded. "Yes, I think we could make that work."
Eggsy's resulting smile warmed Harry. It was something to treasure every time
the boy looked at him with such affection. "Awesome. I still don't know where
we're gonna go that I need to be all dressed up, but... I guess, since you look
so good in that stuff, I can wear some a bit too, just so we're equal and all.
I'm gonna feel a bit silly though."
"You will look splendid." Harry's face split into a grin, mirroring Eggsy's
smile and then some. "You'll be able to wear it to another play, or to dinner,
perhaps... Or, if nothing else, we can always draw the curtains and you can
wear it just for me." Harry's smile took on an edge and his hands on Eggsy's
back splayed over the skin, pulling Eggsy an inch closer. Harry did look like
he liked the thought of that idea more than any other reason to get Eggsy a
suit, which was admittedly, very much like Harry to do.
Eggsy laughed as he was pulled closer, and one eyebrow rose. "You gonna wear
anything just for me? And... I thought we were goin' to sleep. I stayed up all
night waitin' for you to get home, you know. I'm gonna be really tired
tomorrow. Maybe I should stay home all day."
"You're very good at that, aren't you? Getting me to let you have a day off? Do
you know how distracting you are? I was going to go to sleep and here now
you've got me thinking about you in pinstripes and tie." Harry flicked Eggsy's
nose with a finger before he pulled it away lest Eggsy get the idea to bite.
"But what kind of guardian would I be if I didn't take care of you?" Harry
asked with that curl to his lips again and then bend over Eggsy. He took a
moment to brush the lobe of Eggsy's ear with his mouth, letting him feel how
Harry was about to speak before he finally did in a velvet purr. "It's time to
go to sleep."
Eggsy groaned. "Now that's no fair." Like any kid, Eggsy never wanted to go to
school, and he'd been hoping that he could coax Harry into letting him play
hooky another day. He squirmed in the older man's grip, giving it one more
attempt just to see if he could tease Harry enough to relent. "Tellin' me to go
sleep isn't takin' care of me at all. That's just being bossy."
"You won't be saying that when you can't keep your eyes open in class tomorrow.
And if you try to get any more out of me tonight, you'll have the added
displeasure of being sore in class, too. Because there is no way I am facing
the wrath of your office." Harry's tone turned soft and teasing. "You should
see the terror they can strike into the hearts of parents. And I've faced down
men with guns."
Eggsy pouted, but when he saw that Harry wasn't going to back down, he relented
and settled against him. The boy was disappointed, but he was already going to
be exhausted in class. He didn't need to have trouble sitting on the hard
chairs too, or having people asking why he was shifting around or walking
strangely. "Ok. G'night, Harry. 'm sorry about the gun an' stuff."
Harry kissed his cheek. "Goodnight Eggsy. No need to worry on it."
Eggsy knew he was already forgiven, although Harry might not forget. Harry was
very unassuming most of the time, but Harry didn't forget much. But no matter
what Eggsy had done so far, he'd always been forgiven. Harry's arms were just
as welcoming, his body just as warm as it always was. He didn't look at Eggsy
with distrust. And it didn't take Harry long to fall asleep either. He must
have been tired, too.
===============================================================================
Eggsy didn't forget either, or at least not entirely. The mystery of the gun,
and Harry's unspoken military record, lingered in the boy's mind for a few days
before it became less important. Harry didn't treat him any differently for all
that Eggsy had been poking around through his belongings and asking questions.
He was more affectionate, in fact. Harry didn't let Eggsy skip anymore school,
and he began asking questions now and then to ensure that Eggsy was progressing
in his studies and understanding the materials, but nothing strange happened
following the discovery of the gun. Life slipped back into routine.
Routine, however, included absences. Harry began getting more calls from work
or appointments at strange hours. Eggsy couldn't understand why Harry kept such
a bizarre schedule or caved to the demands of his clients so often. The boy
guessed that Harry must be taking regular or prospective customers out to
social events to try to butter them up, as Harry was gone more often in the
evenings and arrived back with an aura of cigarette smoke and alcohol clinging
to his skin.
Harry admitted as much when Eggsy commented on the smell once. "Gentlemen like
to have a good old time," Harry had said. He'd also said that he simply had to
put up with it on occasion.
In truth, Kingsman had taken over Harry's schedule again. Which he had fully
expected. But there were nights also in which he had to make room for Merlin's
new side project, the one that he had reviewed through the footage Harry
collected and ultimately decided on pursuing. Harry had set himself up as one
Mr. White and introduced himself to Benjamin Tranter as an advertising partner
in Tranter's sister company. Mr. White was a man who held considerable sway in
how things ran between Ben's new job and the two companies, even though Mr.
White was new himself and most often worked from home, which was what he input
into said company’s employee records and he told the two people there who might
have the chance of running into conversation with Ben. It wasn't very difficult
for Harry to give Merlin's target one story and those key people the company
Mr. White "worked" for another so long as he kept the position fairly hands-
off. After all, Harry's only need for Mr. White was to invite Ben out for a few
drinks on the weekend and hold considerable sway over the chance of him saying
no to stay home with his family instead.
Merlin wanted to see the Tranter family dissolve slowly.
Patience was key. It took time for Harry to work his way into Mr. Tranter's
confidence as more than just a work acquaintance. Time, as well, for Mr.
Tranter to develop a taste for heavier drinking. The man didn't naturally tend
towards addictive behaviour, and so Harry had to move slowly at building up his
tolerance and turning the rare occasion into habit. Habits tended to be
people's downfall; it made them relax their guard and their willpower, and the
longer it was followed, the harder it was to break.
Harry had made himself a very difficult man to say no to. Over the next two
months, he'd worked in three nights out a week and every now and then once on
the weekend. Harry didn't like giving up his weekends now that Eggsy was there,
so he made regular use of the weekday specials the bars offered. By mid-
December Mr. White and Ben had moved onto the gambling clubs where, soon
enough, Harry would encourage more spending.
It wasn't often that Harry got to see the results of his work on Merlin's
monitors. After all, he'd been there and he and Merlin didn't need to
communicate constantly, but when their paths crossed in the hall and Merlin
would give him a polite nod after such a night, Harry would think back and
know.
Merlin covered for him more than ever. Harry still had regular missions, but
most were short and close to home. Such a distribution couldn't happen too
often and for too long, else some of the other Kingsman members would notice,
but Harry had more time than expected to divide up between Merlin's project and
his home life.
Eggsy wasn't happy about Harry being away for any length of time, but he was
setting in to life with Harry more and more. The boy felt free to leave more of
his belongings lying about, and the house began to have a sense that there were
two inhabitants, not just one and a temporary guest. Eggsy was more hopeful
about the holidays as well, lighting up when Harry decked his home out and took
Eggsy to pick out a tree. The boy had never seen so many presents under a tree
before, or looked at packages without an accompanying sense of guilt, knowing
how dearly they must have cost in money that was meant for food and other
essentials.
Michelle dampened the good cheer slightly, sad and resentful during her
occasional visits, particularly so as Christmas drew near. Eggsy was always
downcast when she left, but Harry had ways to make him forget about the guilt
he felt that his mother was mourning his absence and spending Christmas alone.
It was only a week before the holiday, just before Eggsy was on vacation from
school, that Harry announced it was time to visit the shop for a fitting.
They'd need to make a couple visits, Harry explained. One to take the first set
of measurements, one to make adjustments, and then the final fitting. With that
in mind it wasn't hard to see how the whole affair could take more time than
Eggsy had expected for each client, especially if their tastes were very
specific.
Harry hadn't brought Eggsy to the shop since his last visit in the fall. This
time when they arrived at Savile Row, the street was covered with a light
dusting of snow, freshly fallen, with all the shop windows casting their glow
upon the walk and looking very warm inside. Harry had decided to make a late
evening visit to miss the day crowds. Although he warned Eggsy the shop would
still be busy, he had reserved one of the dressing rooms specifically for their
use.
Eggsy didn't have enough eyes to take in everything at once. His head turned
constantly once they arrived at the correct street. The boy hadn't gotten used
to being in a wealthier neighbourhood yet, and given that he'd only visited
once before, Saville Row was still very novel. Especially so when decorated for
Christmas. Every shop displayed their most impressive and tantalizing wares,
competing with each other in the frenzy to lighten the pockets of browsing
shoppers.
A small bell rang when Harry opened the door for him at Kingsman, and Eggsy
stepped inside.
Immediately he noticed the colour scheme had changed for the season. Gold now
adorned much of the walls, accompanied by a splash of shining red baubles
around the shop. The additions were rich, but they accentuated the hunter green
of the walls perfectly. The front window now displayed wear for the winter,
with one additional model than Eggsy remembered on his last visit. The shop's
festivity was not subtle, but it was nevertheless elegant.
All the while Harry watched Eggsy look about with pride as customers milled
about between them, being helped by two younger assistants who'd been added on
for the season.
"Why don't you have a wander and see if you like anything in particular," Harry
suggested. "I have a few ideas of my own, but I'd like to see what you think."
Eggsy didn't know where to begin. He didn't know anything about fashion. He
couldn't have said why the models in the front of the store looked so good when
he would never have figured out to place those combinations of colour and
pattern together. Fabric swatch books were stacked on the tables, separated by
colour and pattern and weave and cloth type. Eggsy glanced over them, flipped
through a couple, and felt nothing but confusion.
Everything looked very fine, as far as Eggsy could tell about such things.
Quality, and thus expensive. He was almost afraid to touch things. Different
types of lapels and cuffs and collars met his eye every which way he turned.
The boy nearly jumped when Harry placed a hand on his shoulder; he hadn't
noticed Harry walking up behind him.
"Don't think about it. Don't worry how expensive it is or if it's the right
kind of suit for the occasion." Eggsy could tell Harry was smiling and when he
looked up, sure enough, Harry was. "I'll add your thoughts into my own and
we'll make something appropriate from there. For instance..." Harry led Eggsy
around a pair of customers to a line of jackets inside a display case. "I still
think you look dashing in this navy blue colour. Brings out your skin tone and
the richness in your hair."
"Isn't it kinda plain, though? Just solid." Harry often had things with subtle
patterns worked into it, and Eggsy had grown fond of such things by
association. His own clothing often had patterns as well, although they were a
very different type. What worked on t-shirts and hoodies wouldn't transfer well
to more formal clothing. "I don't want to be boring."
Harry chuckled. "Ah. Then how about something with a bit of embellishment,
something like these over here?" Harry moved on to a line of pinstriped suits,
some very subtle, some with bolder lines, spaced wider apart. Harry did have to
admit, bold styles would fit Eggsy. "And consider the tie as well. A splash of
colour, red or silver to accentuate the striping, perhaps."
Eggsy caught a glimpse of the older man he'd seen the last time he'd visited
the shop. Dagonet, Harry had called him. He'd caught sight of them and gave a
nod and a warm smile to Eggsy before greeting a woman at the counter.
"Yeah, red. I like red." The colour was bold and reminded him of sports.
Something more exciting would do better at making Eggsy not feel embarrassed
when wearing such things. Formal clothing looked good on Harry, but boring on
the businesspeople Eggsy had seen, and the boy still felt that he might look
cartoonish in such things. "Harry? How come so many people like wearing the
same thing? Like, everything is black or blue or grey or brown, and it all
kinda looks like the same thing, just with different ties."
"Traditional influence, I suspect," Harry replied smoothly as he opened a
drawer with several ties to choose from, all in shades of red. "The desire to
rise to the top of a well established construct of style. To feel like one is
winning at the same time whilst not relinquishing one's sense of comfort and
security that comes with tradition." Harry selected one of the brightest ties
and handed it to Eggsy. "It's a fairly conservative mindset, I'll grant you. So
perhaps you would in fact do best with something a little more daring."
When they'd stepped into the shop, Eggsy had been keenly aware of the other
customers packed in the small space. Now, once Harry began talking him through
the process, holding up material against him and complimenting Eggsy on how he
was going to look, the boy started to relax and forget that anyone else was
there. He had no one to impress but Harry, and Harry was going to like him
regardless of how things turned out. Harry would make sure things turned out
well, in fact. He had all the expertise of his profession.
Finally, Harry brought him over to one of the assistants for access to the
dressing room he'd reserved. Strangely, it took her a second to recognise him,
but once she did she startled, apologized to him by name, and gave him the
keys. Harry laughed it off. Seasonal hires, after all, he said as he led Eggsy
into fitting room one. Harry seemed to think nothing of it, especially as he
closed the door behind him and turned with a smile a little too wide to be
purely professional.
The room had the same hunter green as the rest of the shop, with photographs
upon the walls of lodges and open scenery. Along one side of the room was a
great mirror in three large panels, floor to ceiling, that caught Eggsy from
every angle as he stood before it.
Caught Harry, too, as he walked up behind Eggsy. The boy was struck by just how
different they looked, and how they also seemed to fit together - young and
old, short and tall, street clothes and gentleman's attire. Harry set a few of
the selected items and fabric books on a table that looked like an antique, all
rich, carved dark wood. The table had drawers built in, and Harry opened one
and drew out a little notebook and a measuring tape.
"Now....." Harry unrolled the tape, "stand straight, hold still, and do
remember I'm a professional." With a quirk of his brow and a lift to his mouth,
Harry sank to his knees before Eggsy, plush rug saving the material of his suit
from the floorboards. Harry took Eggsy's coat and then lifted the tape to start
with Eggsy's neck, looping it around his skin and marking a note in the book in
quick movements. He moved on to Eggsy's chest next, then the slope of his
shoulders and the length and width of his arms, each time noting down the
measurements as he did so.
Eggsy couldn't help but blush. Harry wasn't doing anything that a tailor
wouldn't do, but Eggsy had seen Harry kneel with different intentions far too
many times to associate it with platonic touch. Harry was right there, and
Eggsy was tempted to lean forward and kiss him. They were in a locked fitting
room, after all, with nobody around to see it happen.
It didn't help when Harry leaned in so close or when his eyes darted up to
catch knowingly on Eggsy's own before they fell back down to the measuring tape
in his hands. Harry was certainly practised at this, or maybe it was just that
he was so comfortable with Eggsy. It didn't feel removed like Eggsy thought a
fitting probably should. It felt...intimate. Especially when Harry bent farther
to measure his waist and hips, the width of his leg, and finally, the length
from his shoe all the way up to the inside of his trousers. The inseam, Eggsy
knew that much from telly. But Harry let his hands glide along the length of
Eggsy's leg as he did it. Eggsy received the same amount of attention to the
measurement of his crotch.
Eggsy remembered Harry's confessed fantasies, and the suggestion of having him
atop his work desk when no one was around, and felt a stir of lust. The boy's
gaze flicked back towards the door, still closed tight and secure. His heart
started beating faster.
Eggsy didn't give himself time to think. He'd done the same when he'd run risks
before, letting himself sink into the adrenaline rush when boosting from a shop
or slipping away from school to hang out with the older boys for an afternoon.
Harry was scribbling in the notebook when Eggsy wrapped arms around his neck,
ducked his head, and kissed him.
There was only slight resistance in Harry's posture, and only for a second. It
was surprise. Harry smiled into the kiss and relaxed. Eggsy felt Harry's free
arm wrap around his waist and pull him closer. Harry didn't let him break the
kiss for long.
Eggsy had been told once by some older boys that they never kept security
cameras in fitting rooms for the customers' privacy. It was about the only
place in a shop he could be certain he wouldn't be watched. Very useful for
five finger discounts. Useful, it turned out, for this as well.
"Making a bold statement against tradition, are we?" Harry murmured against
Eggsy's mouth. The sounds of the doorbell and the quiet hum of the customers
outside never quite faded completely, making it impossible to forget what was
just beyond that door.
Eggsy hummed in the affirmative. "I didn't start it. You were the one what
suggested it in the first place, remember?" Eggsy's pulse was racing. They
should have been perfectly safe, really, but it felt dangerous with so many
people right on the other side of the door. Dangerous, too, considering how
Harry had warned Eggsy about how badly others would take their relationship.
Somehow the danger made Eggsy want to indulge more. "'sides, I don't hear you
complaining."
"Definitely not complaining," Harry whispered, setting down the notepad. His
hands lifted to the sides of Eggsy's face and Eggsy saw now just how wide
Harry's pupils had blown. In such a short time, too. Harry drew him in for
another kiss. "If you want this, we'll have to be quick," Harry warned in a
whisper. His hands slid down Eggsy's sides, dipping into the curve of his ribs
until his thumbs caught on the waist of Eggsy's trousers, just under his shirt.
Harry hesitated there.
This was up to Eggsy.
Although it didn't seem like Harry had any doubts as to whether or not they
could get away with it, as Harry was right there, ready to risk it after all.
If anyone would know how thick these walls were and how likely they were to be
interrupted, it should be Harry.
Eggsy was just going to have to trust him. The boy shot one more worried glance
at the door, then nodded. "Y-yeah. We'll be quick, then." Harry started tugging
as soon as the whisper dropped from Eggsy's lips, and the older man had little
trouble pulling both trousers and pants down his narrow hips. Eggsy felt cool
air wash over him and, simultaneously, a prickle of excitement from the danger.
Harry must have felt that they were safe, but Eggsy felt like they might get
caught at any moment.
A grin bloomed across Harry's face before he bent down and licked a stripe
across Eggsy's little cock, which immediately began to harden under the
attention. Not even Eggsy's apprehension could stop it now that his body was so
used to the feeling, knowing so well what it was about to receive. Harry licked
again before he closed his mouth over it and sucked. He had to be aware of how
Eggsy's breathing turned shallow. Harry's hands ran up his sides, feeling the
expansion of his ribcage.
After a moment more, Harry pulled away to reach for his coat and began rifling
through the inner pockets, leaving Eggsy bewildered until Harry brought out one
of his bottles. "One of life's lessons, Eggsy. Always best be prepared."
Eggsy gawked; he couldn't help it. After all the warnings Harry had given him
about how badly their relationship would be received, he hadn't expected Harry
to agree to this madness at all. Not only had Harry taken the dare, he'd
already been prepared for it. Which begged the question, really about how often
the older man had been carrying supplies with him, waiting for just the
opportune moment when they'd be of use. "But... won't we not have enough time?
I-... Harry," Eggsy hissed. The boy found it difficult to voice much of a
protest when Harry was putting his mouth to good use as a distraction.
"Like I said, we'll have to be quick," Harry took the time to whisper in
between licks. He uncapped the bottle in one hand and then pulled off to turn
Eggsy around, meeting his disbelieving gaze with a smile that would have looked
more at home on one of Eggsy's mates who was just about to get away with a
particularly lucrative lift.
Once Eggsy was turned, however, he was met with himself in the mirror, the
whole scene before him. He saw Harry move in close behind him, saw Harry's well
oiled fingers disappear behind his back and then he felt them, sliding down
between his buttocks. Harry's gaze met Eggsy's through the mirror as he did it,
and that self satisfied smile never left his face.
To say that Eggsy was shocked was to put it lightly. Harry had never tried
anything like this in the safety of their home together. Faced with the sight
of himself and Harry, Eggsy didn't know whether to be embarrassed or excited.
Harry wasn't making fun of him or trying to embarrass him, but Eggsy hadn't put
much thought into what he might look like, except in making certain that Harry
found him attractive.
Experiencing sex, and watching it happen to himself in vivid detail, were two
very different things. The boy's gaze locked on what he could see of Harry's
hand. Eggsy's palm covered his mouth to stifle any stray sounds.
Just in time, too.
Eggsy felt Harry's finger find its mark and begin circling there, coating the
ring of muscle with lube. Gently, Harry pressed a hand to Eggsy's back and
encouraged him to bend forward for a better angle. The only support that left
him was the mirror itself. Eggsy's free hand splayed against it before he
realised it would leave fingerprints, but the weight of Harry's hand on him
kept him down before he could pull away.
"We'll clean up after," Harry reassured him. "For now...just...relax." With
that, the first finger slipped inside.
Easier said than done. Eggsy could close his eyes if he needed to, but he
couldn't quite make himself do it. Lack of visuals would hardly have made
things much easier - without the mirror to concentrate on, the sounds on the
other side of the door seemed louder. So much danger, with just a layer of wood
and insulation separating the staff and customers from them.
Eggsy looked up and had to bite back a moan at the expression he saw writ
across Harry's face. He'd seen it before, but his lover looked hungry.
Devilish, even, so tempted by want that dirty tricks were no object of
impediment. Harry's eyes had gone dark with want, and Eggsy's body was now
accustomed enough to this sort of activity that Harry was able to quickly move
on to a second finger without much trouble.
Harry's strokes were focused, working to open him up just as much as they
brushed against his sweet spot. Harry didn't dare let Eggsy forget about the
pleasure. It was surely a calculated approach because Eggsy already couldn't
ignore their surroundings, and he knew Harry wanted him to feel good. Harry
always wanted him to feel good.
The cap snapped again and Harry shifted, hands working together before Eggsy
felt the addition of more lube. The slide was easier already. Harry was up on
one knee now, and with a polished shoe, he nudged Eggsy's stance just an inch
wider before Eggsy felt the third finger. Harry's grin curved when Eggsy let
out a quiet gasp through his hand.
It felt wrong. It had to be. Eggsy was acutely aware of the fact that all of
the strangers he'd walked past in the shop were only several feet away. The boy
would never have wanted any of them to see any of this, and they wouldn't but
the idea that they might...
One of Harry's fingers crooked inside of him, and Eggsy's eyes refocused on the
mirror. He could imagine Harry's smile only growing wider if they got caught,
pleased at how much they were shocking their audience. Showing off, perhaps,
because in fantasy and in real life, Harry seemed untouchable. If the strangers
found their relationship objectionable and horrifying, they'd still be able to
do nothing but watch, and Harry would take great pleasure in holding that fact
over their heads, and the fact that Eggsy was enjoying every second.
Something of the boy's thoughts must have shown on his face. Harry's laugh was
quiet, but audible.
He bent down over Eggsy's back and nipped at the back of his neck. Eggsy
watched him do it. Then Harry pulled his fingers free. "You're going to need
both hands," Harry whispered, wiping away some of the lube on a handkerchief
before he bent to pluck something off the nearby table. Something that flashed
red before he brought it up before him and Eggsy saw what it was. The tie.
With care, Harry lifted Eggsy's hand from his mouth and placed it against the
frame of the mirror before he met Eggsy's gaze again. "Now...I'm going to need
you to do something for me." The length of silken fabric unfolded in Harry's
hands. "If you want me to stop, tap the mirror twice with your palm." Harry let
the tie loop in front of Eggsy, making clear his intention. "If you need to,
you can pull it off, but don't before you've caught your breath or you'll be
too loud. Understand?"
Wide-eyed, Eggsy met Harry's gaze in the mirror and nodded. The boy couldn't
quite believe that they were doing this, but the silk Harry tied across his
mouth to gag him was very, very real. So had been the curl of the fingers
inside of him. Adrenaline rushed through Eggsy at the thought that they might
get caught, and something heavier. Not shame, or not precisely, but the
knowledge that they shouldn't be doing this only made Eggsy want to do it all
the more.
Harry leaned over him to kiss his cheek when the last of the knot was tied.
Eggsy had to breathe through his nose now, there was no sneaking in little
breaths between his fingertips anymore.
Harry glanced up in the mirror to linger over Eggsy's face before he pulled
back, leaving close mouthed kisses down his spine along the way. Eggsy noticed
Harry's hands move and heard the tell-tale sound of a zipper before he saw
Harry pull his cock out with one hand, stroking over the shaft. He laid it over
the top of Eggsy's arse, rigid already, head just peeking out between Eggsy’s
cheeks. When Harry gripped Eggsy's hips and rocked slowly forward, dragging it
along the cleft of Eggsy's arse, Eggsy saw the man’s mouth fall open but no
sound escaped.
Eggsy had nothing to grab. The trio of mirrors was a smooth, flat surface,
showing the two of them at multiple angles while permitting no handholds. His
nails scrabbled at the glass before pressing hard against the mirror in front
of him.
All the while, Eggsy's gaze stayed locked on their reflections. He'd seen Harry
rapt and wanton before, but not like this, able to see himself and watch what
was happening thrice over.
Harry's long fingers splayed over the curve of one of his cheeks, feeling its
roundness as Harry rocked. Harry’s lips curled back over his teeth and then his
tongue darted out to wet them. He looked like he was about to let loose a groan
at any minute, yet it never came. With those long fingers, Harry reached for
the bottle of lube again and, with a surprising amount of care, added more to
Eggsy's tender entrance before sliding the rest over his erection.
Harry set the bottle down and met Eggsy's eyes in the mirror. It didn't take
more than a glance down for Harry to position himself, and then he was looking
up again, watching Eggsy watch him press his hips forward and slowly sink into
the boy’s body.
Eggsy was used to this by now, but it still hurt. Not the throbbing sort of
pain of getting hit, or the sharpness of a burn or cut, but a discomfort as his
body stretched and nerves fired in a panic. His breaths came fast and quick
through his nose as he willed himself to relax. Loosening up was more difficult
like this; they were rushed, Eggsy was tensed in order to remain standing, and
his own excitement wasn't helping. With either side he glanced to, he could
watch Harry slide into him as he felt it happen.
Finally, Harry stopped to run his hands over Eggsy's sides, to lean down and
kiss his shoulder, and Eggsy could just barely see where they were joined as
Harry did it. The mirrors at their sides left nothing to the imagination.
Harry's hand, with fingers still slick, drew down Eggsy's stomach, around his
hip, and captured his own erection for Harry to stroke. He did it before he
moved his hips again, slowly rocking back and then forward. They may not have
had much time, but Harry didn't try to rush this part.
This, Eggsy had learned to love. The discomfort and the slow care were worth it
just for this--to see Harry enraptured with him and feel it at the same time,
the older man sinking into him and joining them together. Eggsy felt cared for
in a way he didn't remember having anywhere else, because even in this, Harry
never forgot his needs or placed them below his own.
Harry was wise to have put a gag in place though. Eggsy wasn't certain he would
have remained quiet enough to avoid detection otherwise.
Harry's breathing silent either, but he was better at keeping it regulated.
Eggsy could feel it against his back as much as he heard each quick intake of
breath. Harry bent a little farther, lowering himself over Eggsy, stabilizing
with his free hand on the mirror next to Eggsy's smaller ones.
"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" Harry whispered so softly, straight
into his ear. "Seeing you like this.... Being inside you like this.... I can't
describe it. There's nothing I've wanted more." Harry's hips drove a little
harder that time. And again. And again as he watched Eggsy's face, not through
the mirror but right beside his temple.
Eggsy had never thought that talk was anything special before Harry. If the boy
had tried to tell himself, before he'd gotten involved with Harry, that hearing
someone talk like that would make him feel more or want more, Eggsy would have
laughed and dismissed the idea. He would have thought it to be a practical
joke, or maybe a rumour. School was full of kids trying to prank one another
with tall tales. Harry defied the absurdity of the idea--his voice took on a
deeper, rougher timbre when he was turned on, and Harry didn't shy away from
saying what he was thinking. Eggsy had heard enough that he was starting to
feel conditioned, just a bit. Harry had to know it, too, as just a bit of
whispered filth made the boy clench around him and his hands press even harder
against the mirror.
Eggsy was whimpering against the tie. Harry kissed it. Just at the corner of
his mouth. Eggsy could feel it through the fabric.
When the strokes of Harry's hand quickened, so did the pace of his hips. Eggsy
was in no danger of being pressed up against the mirror yet, but it was hard to
keep still. The hand Harry held under him made a difference as Eggsy could put
some of his weight on Harry's forearm to hold himself steady. When Harry's
teeth scraped against the back of his neck was when Harry really picked up the
pace, words finally failing him.
Eggsy's arm strength gave out little by little. The more enthusiastic and lost
in each other they became, the more Harry pressed closer, fitting their bodies
together like two pieces of a puzzle. Eggsy's arms bent until his forearms
joined his palms against the surface of the glass and his breath began to mist
the reflection in front of him. Harry curled his free arm around the boy just
as Eggsy thought his legs were going to give way, taking part of his weight and
steadying him.
Like that, Harry could pull Eggsy back onto his cock without any awkward
resistance. Eggsy was so pliant in his arms Harry could simply lift him and
move him into whatever position he needed.
Their soft breaths filtered through the room, just like the sounds outside--
footsteps and murmured voices--filtered in.
"Ignore them, Eggsy," Harry whispered when he found his voice again. The low
din of the shop melted away under Harry's words. "You're with me now. Right.
Here. They don't exist."
But they did. Eggsy knew that they were there, separated only by a few yards
and a barrier of walls and a door. Dangerous strangers, yet completely
impotent. Harry was keeping them away, as if by magic. The same exact magic
that permeated everything the man did, making him show up at the right time
with the right solution in hand, or talking lawyers and judges into making the
decision he'd promised to deliver. Such power, and yet he wanted Eggsy.
Harry's mouth closed over the juncture of his neck and shoulder, just above the
collar of his shirt. Harry did it a little rougher than he'd probably meant to
because he licked softly against the skin afterwards, but Eggsy could feel how
Harry was tensing behind him and he knew what that meant. Harry's motions
always got a little jerkier, a little more frenzied, when he was getting close.
Pressed so near to the mirror, Eggsy couldn't see how they looked joined
together anymore. What he could see was his own expression, partially obscured
by misted glass, and Harry's face right behind him, hungry and slightly glazed
as he drew closer to the end. Harry was moving quicker now, and Eggsy wanted to
cry out but he couldn't - not with the gag, or the danger of someone outside
the dressing room hearing them. The boy had to bite down on the silk, but that
didn't truly distract from the sensation of Harry sliding between his legs or
the fingers wrapped around his cock.
Harry could drink him in like this, watching Eggsy's face in the mirror and his
body from both angles. His eyes never left Eggsy, even when his mouth opened in
a silent gasp and his hips gave a series of stuttering thrusts. Eggsy felt the
way Harry jerked against him and knew the moment he came. Harry didn't make a
sound, but the look on his face was wrecked. He froze over Eggsy like that,
letting it wash through him.
Watching Harry climax was intense. They rarely came together, and Eggsy was
still too young yet for him to climax in the same way, producing the same sort
of sticky fluid, but the boy always felt something when he felt and saw Harry
like this. Affection and lust alike, mixed until he couldn't tell the
difference. Harry twitched inside him and Eggsy stifled a moan, knowing that
they couldn't afford any suspicious noises. Harry kept him pinned against the
mirror while he came down, and Eggsy wished just then that they were back home
and able to bask in the afterglow and do whatever they wanted.
As Harry began to regain himself, his hand started working again. The rhythm
was slow only for a few moments, before he bent to press his lips to Eggsy's
shoulder and the pace of his fingers picked up. Harry didn't pull out. He did
that sometimes, after he'd just come but Eggsy hadn't yet, Harry liked to
remain seated inside him, feeling the rocking of Eggsy's hips and the writhing
of his body. Even if the extra stimulation was intense after orgasm, Harry
didn't move. He scraped his teeth lightly over Eggsy's neck, nudging the collar
of his shirt down to do so while he worked.
"I've dreamed of seeing you like this, here," Harry confessed.
Eggsy hadn't. He'd thought about Harry's whispered fantasies, mentioned weeks
and weeks ago, but he hadn't dreamed of them. He would in the future, though.
The sight of himself in the mirror, held secure while Harry thrust into him,
was going to haunt his conscious and subconscious mind well into the future in
the best of ways. Eggsy shut his eyes tight and sank into the sensations,
letting Harry's voice wash over him and settle into his bones while his own
attention was drawn to the stroking that was getting ever faster.
The sounds outside had faded. The world had come down to just the two of them
in that room. Just the mirror before Eggsy and Harry behind him. Harry had this
way of wrapping him up in his embrace like it was perfectly natural. Like Eggsy
belonged there in their most intimate moments. One would never have thought it
to look at Harry in his impeccable suits, every crease as sharp as it could be.
Harry looked untouchable, but he had no qualms over touching Eggsy. Over and
over he'd made that clear. Harry would wrap himself around Eggsy every day, all
day, if he could.
Eggsy writhed and, finally, let himself go. The boy couldn't keep himself from
crying out, but between the tie gag and the locked door, it was quiet enough
that no one outside the room should have noticed. Eggsy tensed in Harry's
embrace for a few long seconds and went limp, and Harry held him through all of
it. The boy's awareness swam, but Harry was a constant. Warm hands kept him
from sinking to the ground or falling over.
His back was pulled up to Harry's chest. With both clothed, it was an odd
sensation. A little sweaty, but comforting still. Harry's fingers came up to
slip the tie free from Eggsy's mouth and let him breathe uninhibited while
Harry kissed his temple and, slowly, pulled out. There was a wet squelch, but
Harry found another cloth somewhere and wiped them clean without a fuss.
Eggsy heard the zip of Harry's trousers and then his own clothes were being
pulled back up his hips, all without ever being released from Harry's embrace.
As usual, the ache came on slowly, counterbalanced by a haze of endorphins and
relaxation. Eggsy was content to let Harry hold him. A wave of satisfaction
rolled over the boy: he'd done it. They'd defied propriety and the boundaries
of safety to have each other right next to the people who would have crucified
Harry had they been caught. Eggsy let out a small laugh and, when Harry made a
questioning sound, turned in the man’s arms and pressed his face against
Harry's shirt, unable to keep a smile off of his face.
Though Harry had no idea what Eggsy was so amused about, Eggsy felt Harry's
hands run through his hair as he was embraced again. "Liked that, did you?"
They'd have to leave soon. Already they'd probably taken much more time than
was usual for Harry to spend with a client. Some of that could be explained
away by the curiosity of Harry's young ward, but not for much longer.
Fortunately, their clothes hadn’t been mauled by the activity. Nothing apart
from a few rumples in Harry's shirt. Except for the bright red tie Harry held
up in his hand to inspect with a laugh of his own. There was a splotch of
saliva around its middle and the clear indentation of teeth. "This'll just have
to come home with us, I'm afraid."
"Good, I kinda wanted to keep it now." The tie would be perfect among the new
box of treasures Eggsy had started to put together, full of keepsakes from
Harry's house. The boy had even snuck a photo or two out of Harry's albums so
that he'd have a few of when Harry was younger to look at whenever he wanted,
and now he had a new memory to add. "That was fun. Doin' things right under
everyone's nose, I mean. Not that it isn't always fun, but it felt kinda...
like taggin' a wall and runnin' before you get caught and given an ASBO, you
know?"
"I'm certain I have no idea what you're talking about." But Harry's mouth
curved into a smile anyway. "Now, fetch the tape and my notebook, wherever
they've run off to. I'll get the mirror."
Harry let Eggsy out of his embrace and made sure he was steady on his feet
before going to find something to clean up and wipe down the glass with. One
look at it was enough to tell exactly what had gone on there, with their
handprints and the smudge from Eggsy's cheek when he'd pressed it there. But
Harry came back with a towel and got to work.
Eggsy tracked down the fallen notebook and measuring tape without trouble. He
watched Harry fondly while the older man bent and polished the smudge marks off
the mirror. It was unfortunate that he couldn't keep those, too, but the tie
would have to do. Eggsy had had fun defying societal norms, but not so much
that he'd entirely forgotten Harry's warning about the consequences being
caught would hold.
All the more a pity. Eggsy imagined that it would be a great deal of fun to get
away with a similar stunt at school, or at least to have the ability to talk
about his boyfriend and show him off.
When Harry was finished, he straightened and inspected the mirror. His eyes
caught Eggsy in it, watching him from behind, and a small smirk grew on Harry's
mouth as he turned on his heel. "Well then," he took two long legged steps
forward and collected his things from Eggsy's hands before he sneaked a kiss
against Eggsy's cheek, "what do you say we have another turn about the shop and
be on our way?"
"Yeah, ok," Eggsy agreed. He'd seen as much of the shop as he'd wanted to, but
Harry was likely to have suggested it for a reason. They hadn't been caught,
but it was better to make sure no one thought they were behaving suspiciously.
"Can we stop by the candy store on the way back? Please? I won't eat it all in
a day like last time."
"How you test me, Eggsy...." Harry wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulders as
they strolled to the door, but Eggsy heard the cheer in his voice loud and
clear.
Stepping back into the milieu of the shop was surreal. The presence of other
people was nearly a shock after the illusion of solitude Harry had created
inside that dressing room. They milled slowly around the tables talking fabric
and cut while others simply lounged upon leather chairs while they chatted to
pass the time. All under the red and gold decorations and the air of the season
permeating the room.
Harry kept his hand on Eggsy's shoulder as he took him around again, this time
towards the back. Harry never broke that line of contact, even when he greeted
two of his colleagues, a tall man in a chestnut suit who had a voice that could
only be described as indulgent, and his thin and somewhat stoic companion,
equally tall, but who somehow seemed to take up less of the room. They both
greeted Eggsy warmly, although Eggsy was sure they couldn't have had any idea
who he was.
Harry later informed him, as they left the shop, that the two men were James
and Percy, some of the associates Eggsy had been so keen on meeting.
Eggsy didn't admit as much, but he felt better as they walked back to the car.
He'd begun to feel odd that Harry knew him so well and asked him so many
questions about his life, while he barely knew anything about Harry at all, in
the past or the present. Seeing the older man's workplace again, and a few of
his coworkers, made Eggsy feel a little more connected.
It was a start.
Chapter End Notes
     There is now a soundtrack that goes with this fic. Listen or download
     here: No_Familiar_Sunken_Roads_(90s_soundtrack)
***** Chapter 22 *****
Christmas morning Harry woke with Eggsy's small figure curled up in his arms,
still fast asleep.
A warm glow Harry hadn't felt in years....possibly not since he was a child
himself, curled in his stomach. Anticipation. Anticipation for what Eggsy would
see when he climbed down the stairs that morning. Anticipation of the look on
Eggsy's face when he saw the tree, when he began unwrapping presents. The boy
looked pleasantly content in slumber, red lips parted slightly, delicate lashes
untroubled in sleep. Harry let a finger drift down Eggsy's cheek. He wanted to
kiss him, wanted to wake him up and make him breakfast and show him all the
wonderful things Harry had sneaked downstairs to place there during the night.
So Harry did. With his fingers curling around the back of Eggsy's neck, Harry
bent and pressed his lips to the boy's, feeling how soft and how pliant Eggsy
was as Harry slowly drew him out of his slumber.
Unlike other mornings, when Eggsy tended to waken slowly and with a contented
sort of laziness, Harry only got a second of a relaxed kiss while the boy's
eyes opened. Consciousness brought with it the memory of what day it was, and
Eggsy snapped awake, suddenly wide-eyed and alert. A smile followed, and small
arms wrapped around Harry's neck.
"Mornin', Harry. Happy Christmas!"
"Happy Christmas, Eggsy." Harry felt a smile spread across his face. He knew
his eyes would be crinkling with it, that his hair was probably mussed even
more than Eggsy's was, but the way Eggsy was looking at him with such
adoration, the way his small body stiffened with excitement, this was what
Harry had been waiting for. "Shall we go down and see what the elves have left
for us?"
"Yes!" Eggsy squirmed, and Harry had a difficult time not laughing at the hurry
Eggsy was in to get out of bed. On any other morning, woken the same way, Harry
would have had quite a time getting Eggsy to want to leave. Sex and romance
were secondary concerns when there were presents on the line. "I know there's
no elves though, Harry. If there was, all the kids'd get the same. It's just
pretend, 'cause the kids with money always found more stuff than the rest of
us."
"Maybe they're just very biased elves." Harry could see his words were having
little effect. He laughed at Eggsy's eyeroll and let him squirm out of Harry's
arms to sit up. "Okay, okay, just wait for me to get my slippers on."
Harry watched Eggsy climb down the side of the bed with his rear in the air,
navy blue pyjamas pulled tight before he went over the edge. It was quite a
jump for the boy--Harry's bed was big, but Harry certainly appreciated watching
him do it. Harry followed only when Eggsy turned with impatience written into
every line of his body.
"Come on," Eggsy drawled. Harry had paused to slip a robe on, and Eggsy darted
forward to catch handfuls of the fabric and tug him towards the door. "C'mon,
c'mon. We're already late, we shoulda been up hours ago. You gotta play with
everything you get on Christmas that day, it's a rule. There's so many boxes we
might have trouble stickin' to it, since we slept in an' all."
Harry chuckled all the way down the stairs, Eggsy pulling on the tie of his
robe with both hands, but when they reached the ground floor, the boy stopped.
Streaming golden ribbons adorned the length of the hall, filtering the sunlight
as it fell through the house. When Eggsy glanced up at Harry, Harry just raised
his brows and nudged him forward. The ribbons, very much like those that had
decorated the tailor shop, wove through the hall, leading them on a path to the
living room, which had nearly doubled in the amount of presents Eggsy had seen
there the night before. They spilled out from under the tree. All around the
ribbons were strung from the ceiling and down the drapes. Tinsel laid across
the mantle and wove through the brightly coloured paper. Eggsy even noticed a
few small packages poking out of odd places like the couch or pushed between
books on the shelf, like they were meant for him to seek out.
Something strange happened. Eggsy froze as he took it all in - all the color
and gaity, the generous bounty in every place Eggsy looked. All for him. Harry
wouldn't have done all of this just for himself and the dog. Instead of running
straight into the treasure hoard, Eggsy turned and wrapped his arms around
Harry. The boy's heart was still racing in excitement and happiness, but a
strange feeling had crept into his veins and made him dizzy. "It's... it's so
much stuff."
"Well, I know you said it's a rule, but you don't have to play with everything
today," Harry said, setting his glasses atop his nose and pushing them up. "You
will have to leave time for breakfast at some point. And lunch." It was as
though Eggsy's meaning was lost on him, but for the secret curve at the very
corner of Harry's mouth, the one that gave away just how warm he felt inside
when Eggsy looked up at him like he'd hung the stars in the sky.
The boy's grip tightened. His eyes scrunched closed, and though Eggsy didn't
say it aloud, Harry felt his declaration of love. It was broadcast from the
lines of Eggsy's body and how he pressed close to Harry.
Excitement won out over the shock. Eggsy's chin jerked up, and Harry caught a
glimpse of a broad grin, and then the boy was off, dashing through the living
room. Eggsy slid across the carpet and came to a rest next to a stack of
presents on one side of the tree. He barely paid any attention to the wrapping
paper, ripping into it with hardly a glance at the pattern or the matched
ribbons and bows and decorations.
Harry followed and settled himself down on the couch to watch. Most parents
would have brought out the video camera by now, but Harry had something better
sitting atop his nose. He doubted he would forget this day, but the knowledge
that he could keep Eggsy like this, crawling through the piles of boxes in his
pyjamas, turning back to Harry in exclamation and with such a brilliant smile
as he unwrapped action figures and comic books and a new game console. A pile
of wrapping paper accumulated behind him until he was nearly buried in it and
Harry had to begin scooping it out of the way. He teased Eggsy, placing the
bows in his hair every time he unwrapped a new present. It was all Harry could
do just to catch him as Eggsy moved through the pile.
They paused only for Harry to make a cup of tea to sip as he made Eggsy guess
what each one was before he opened it.
Eggsy was manic, more excited even than the night that Harry had permitted him
as much sugar as he wanted and the boy had buzzed straight on until finally
crashing in the wee hours of the morning. Growing up with so little had made
Eggsy more appreciative of everything he got. This Christmas, in all
likelihood, he was receiving more presents than he'd gotten in previous years
combined. Possibly even more than the combined birthdays as well.
Toy guns with foam darts joined stacks of comics and adventure books. A new CD
player had a couple of plastic cases next to it, for artists Harry had learned
that Eggsy liked, and a few quid to buy other discs the next time they were
out. Toy spy gadgets and video games littered the floor, and Harry was already
preparing himself to be tripping over the remote controlled car, or finding
that Eggsy was chasing Mr. Pickle about the house with the robotic dinosaur.
True to tradition, Eggsy tried to play with as many as he could while Harry
made breakfast and brought the plates to the living room, for once letting
Eggsy eat at the coffee table with a new PlayStation controller in one hand and
a piece of toast with jam in the other. Harry took great satisfaction in giving
him uninvited suggestions on how not to crash his car, or letting him know when
he was about to die.
Eggsy sometimes crashed just out of spite, glancing over at Harry to see how
he'd take it. Excited as he was, the boy was still careful not to dribble jam
onto the carpet. Mr. Pickle stayed nearby just in case, hoping for a few
spilled crumbs, or to sneak the rest of the toast off the plate on the
coffeetable when no one was paying attention.
"Are you gonna play too, or are you just gonna sit there and watch me all day?"
Eggsy finally asked. "I don't mind, but I'd've thought it'd be boring to just
watch me play.""Is that a challenge?" Harry asked over his cup of tea. He was
careful to keep his expression blank and curious, but Eggsy knew him to well
for that now. The look on the boy's face said he didn't buy it for a minute--he
knew Harry was just waiting for an in. Harry set down the tea. "Hand me one of
those controllers and let me show you how it's done."
In no time they were racing side by side with the cops hot in pursuit, nudging
each others' elbows to get ahead, breakfast forgotten in front of them.
To Eggsy's pleasure and surprise, Harry was very good. The boy would never
admit that Harry might be better, as that would be a blow to his pride -
everyone knew that kids were supposed to be better than adults at these things
- but Harry could hold his own and keep up. Occasionally he executed a sharp
turn that left Eggsy impressed, but the boy didn't ask how he'd done it.
That would be tantamount to admitting defeat. Eggsy spent time trying to sneak
a glance at Harry's hands without being noticed, instead, which ended in
disaster as his split attention caused his own car to swerve and crash.
They spent a good hour playing like that before Harry paused the game. Both of
them had just careened over the side of a cliff in a failed attempt to escape
the cops. Eggsy was ready to go again, but Harry set his controller down on the
table.
"There is...just one thing left," Harry began, catching Eggsy's eye and drawing
his attention away from the game. "However, you'll have to get cleaned up and
come upstairs for it."
"Upstairs, huh? I can guess what kind of surprise that is," Eggsy giggled.
Harry was flattered that Eggsy put aside the controller so quickly; luring a
young boy away from a new video game was no mean feat. More treasured yet was
the playful, warm look on Eggsy's face. He'd gone from such a shy and nervous
youth to having an interest and opinions that Harry had little to do with.
Harry had fanned the flames, of course, but Eggsy had begun to initiate things
and make suggestions more often.
"Is this something new again? Or are you not gonna tell me?"
"Hmm, sort of yes, but I'm still not going to tell you until you've brushed
your teeth and combed your hair." Harry squeezed Eggsy's shoulder. "I'll meet
you upstairs."
He hadn't said anything about Eggsy getting out of his pyjamas, but he knew the
instructions he had given Eggsy were bound to throw off the boy's first
suspicion. Harry rose and stepped through the piles of wrapping paper, leaving
it all to be cleaned up later, and made for his room. Eggsy watched him go,
eyes squinted while he tried to puzzle out what Harry might be planning.
Brushing his teeth made sense, as morning breath was horrible, but the boy
couldn't figure out why he was supposed to comb his hair if it was just going
to get messy again. Eventually he shrugged and followed Harry up the stairs,
making a beeline for the loo instead of Harry's room.
A few minutes later he knocked on the bedroom door.
When Harry opened it, Eggsy found that he was fully dressed. Not just in casual
wear, but regal head to toe in one of his darker suits. There was a light in
his eyes as he ushered Eggsy inside.
Eggsy was still looking at him quizzically when Harry brought him to the foot
of the bed, just in front of one of the tall dressing mirrors. Harry turned to
the standing dresser in the corner of the room where he took out one last
package--a large box with a wide red ribbon tied elegantly over the top of it.
He placed it atop the chest at the foot of the bed, just the perfect height for
Eggsy to reach.
"Now then. Let's see what the fruits of our labour have produced." Harry
stepped back and left Eggsy to it.
Realization dawned as Eggsy opened the box to find a familiar pattern of cloth
inside, nestled among tissue paper. The combing, the brushing, and Harry's
appearance all made sense. Harry was dressed to see how well they'd match
together with the new clothing. "Oh... we did another visit the other day, but
I didn't think it'd be done so quick." Eggsy lifted each piece out of the box,
setting them on the bed.
"For me they were willing to make the exception." Harry bent over Eggsy to
place a kiss to his temple. "What do you say we get you out of those pyjamas
and try this on?"
Eggsy didn't have to check in the mirror to know what kind of a look Harry had
in his eye. It was same one he got every time he talked about dressing Eggsy
up, one very similar to the look he got while undressing Eggsy as well. The
difference was subtle.
"Sure." Eggsy's response wasn't meant to be flippant. The boy felt that,
really, this was a present for Harry more than it was for him. He still felt
silly, like he looked the obvious imposter when wearing such things. Harry
liked it, though, and with that in mind, Eggsy shucked off his pyjamas and let
Harry enjoy his present. He struggled to get the shirt buttons done up and
managed to get halfway done before realizing that they weren't aligned right.
"I'm not complainin', because you look great in this stuff, but I dunno how you
wear this stuff every day."
Harry chuckled, helping Eggsy with the buttons. "It suits my needs. You
certainly won't have to wear it every day, but at some point in your life you
may find that a good suit and a certain air may take you exactly where you want
to go. Think of it as...something you can slip into when you'd like and set
aside when you're done." Once Eggsy's buttons were done up to the collar, his
back straightened, feeling out the shirt, and Harry let himself appreciate the
moment before he lifted the tie out of the box. Bold red, with a lustre that
caught the eye just like the one Eggsy had first picked out at the shop. "Have
I ever told you my favourite line of Shakespeare?" Harry asked as he looped the
tie around Eggsy's collar. "Not one of the fancy ones, not the sonnets or Romeo
and Juliet. There was a very simple line in one of the plays about Prince
Henry.... The Prince tells his companions 'I am so good a proficient in one
quarter of an hour that I can drink with any tinker in his own language during
my life.' You see, in that play the prince liked to sneak out and converse with
his people as an equal. To learn any man's language he came across, no matter
whose it was...I found that quite admirable."
Eggsy blinked, trying to keep up. Harry often phrased things in more simple, if
still posh, ways, so Eggsy normally didn't have any issues understanding what
he meant. Shakespeare was a little beyond him. "What's a proficient? Or a
tinker? I... but this is clothes, not language. We talk different, but we still
get each other. Mostly. I don't think dressin' fancy is gonna make anyone think
I'm not a, uh..."
Eggsy hadn't forgotten the words he'd heard before, in angry tones or barks of
laughter. Trying to repeat them, however, made them stick in his throat.
"People're still gonna call me a... chav, y'know. Whenever I had something
nicer, they figured it was fake or I boosted it."
Harry swept his hands down the boy's shoulders and met his gaze. "You don't
have to feel like an imposter, Eggsy. People will always have their prejudices,
but you decide who you can be when you want to. Speaking someone else's
language comes with all sorts of non-verbal cues. But that doesn't mean you
have to forget where you came from either." Harry let his face warm, let Eggsy
see his confidence, before he turned to lift the jacket out of the box and help
Eggsy's arms through the sleeves.
"You like me even though we don't speak the same language, though?" Eggsy's
voice was quiet. He was finally putting to words the insecurities Harry knew he
carried about his background and how judged he felt. Harry had never shown
negativity towards Eggsy in that way, but the boy had grown up with overt and
covert messages about his inferiority. "I mean, we both speak English, but the
way you mean it. I don't even know nothin' about Shakespeare."
Harry's smile widened. "Forget Shakespeare. We do in the ways that count." He
sat down on the bed and pulled Eggsy to him, polished shoes sliding on the soft
carpet, unused to the slippery tread. "I like you very much, whether you ever
do appreciate any of this posh nonsense or not." Harry let his fingers curl in
the short hairs behind Eggsy's ear and turned the boy to face their image in
the mirror.
They looked good together. Harry was still much taller, seated on the bed, but
with Eggsy standing between his knees in as equally sharp a suit, they looked
like they fit.
Eggsy leaned in against Harry and turned his head. He still felt silly, like he
was wearing a costume and the clothing fit all wrong. Eggsy was so used to
jeans and loose shirts that tailored clothing felt very strange. Like this,
however, he matched Harry. They really looked like father and son, if not
matched boyfriends. Eggsy would have preferred the latter, but he knew why all
the pretending was necessary.
Eggsy glanced up, meeting Harry's gaze in the mirror. It was so heated that
Eggsy had to laugh. All the tension and heaviness in the air disappeared. "I
think this is a present for you, instead of me."
The statement caught Harry off guard. He broke their gaze in the mirror to look
down at Eggsy, but saw no reproach in the boy's face. Harry laughed and even
allowed himself to feel the colour rise to his cheeks. "Maybe it is. But thank
you for indulging me." Harry pressed a kiss to Eggsy's mouth, chaste and sweet,
but lingering, wanting to know that Eggsy felt it.
The boy was right. This was for Harry. Even if it had the potential to benefit
Eggsy as well.
"It's not exactly not a present for me too. 'Cause you like it." When Harry
liked something, Eggsy knew he got more attention or was able to get away with
things he otherwise wouldn't have. Harry had given him so much, as well, that
Eggsy felt like it was only fair. He could never afford to buy Harry the kind
of presents the older man might like, so he had to think of other sorts of
gifts. "You get fun when you like how I look, so I don't mind."
Harry snorted. "Do I now?" He wrapped his arms around Eggsy's waist and took
another look at them in the mirror. "Hard to resist...." He turned Eggsy once
again and took the boy's tie in his hand, running his fingers down the soft
material before he began undoing the knot. "I think getting you out of it is
going to be just as interesting." The red silk slipped from Eggsy's collar just
before Harry began pressing kisses to the boy's cheek and neck once Harry's
nimble fingers started undoing the buttons of his jacket and shirt again.
The last present to be unwrapped for the day was Eggsy, as he'd predicted.
Harry was very careful, both with the exquisite and expensive paper he'd chosen
for his gift, and with the treasure inside of it. They had all of Christmas Day
to themselves and so, unlike their usual evenings when they had to be mindful
of Eggsy's school schedule and homework, Harry took his time and drew their
pleasures out as long as he could.
By the time they cleaned up and went back downstairs, Harry had to bustle off
to the kitchen to make a more substantial meal for the both of them, and Eggsy
found, to his dismay, that climaxing made more of a difference than he'd have
thought in his reaction times with a game controller.
His only consolation was that Harry fared no better, and so when they curled up
on the couch together after lunch with steaming mugs of tea and controllers in
hand, Eggsy happily won almost every game between them.
They played long into the day before Eggsy decided to sort through the rest of
his new things and Harry brought out a book. The house, as messy as it was
after such a morning, became quite comfortable for the both of them. So much so
that Harry found himself watching Eggsy out of the corner of his eye almost as
much as he looked at the pages in his hand while the boy played with his new
toys.
Eggsy didn't ask about his mum, and although Harry knew she must have crossed
his mind at some point throughout the day, he could also tell that Eggsy was
happy. Genuinely happy. There, with him.
Eggsy tired himself out to the point that, later in the evening, he didn't
complain about having to go to bed at a decent hour. Nor did Eggsy think it
strange when Harry was early to rise, whispering apologies and letting the boy
sleep in and tend to himself for the day. It was Boxing Day, after all. Eggsy
had no desire to go out into the rush of shoppers, but Harry would likely need
to be on-hand at the shop to handle the influx of sales and returns.
Or so Eggsy reasoned.
===============================================================================
Harry did make his way into work, but he needn't have gone so early. Hardly
anyone was there in HQ when he stepped off the train. Unless there was an
immediate threat, Christmas was the only slow time of the year for the
Kingsmen. All that family tradition, even the highest ranking agents couldn't
excuse themselves for work.
Harry knew, however, exactly who would still be there holed up in the control
room after endless winding, empty corridors. He'd have seen Harry coming the
moment he stepped onto the train, and yet the door to Merlin's office was still
locked when Harry arrived, forcing him to give a sharp rap and wait.
The answering footsteps were unhurried. The lock clicked, and the door opened
to reveal Harry's friend in his usual compromise between formality and comfort.
Merlin gave Harry a nod of greeting. "Just in time. No difficulties on the home
front, I trust?"
Merlin stepped aside, allowing Harry to slip into the room. Most of the
surveillance feeds were dedicated to official Kingsman business, streaming
video or displaying tracker locations. Endless amounts of data that would be
analyzed and summarized, with valuable pieces being kept for future reference
and use. Merlin's desktop monitors were turned away from the doorway.
"Splendid," Harry confirmed, taking another swivel chair to pull up next to
Merlin's and making himself comfortable. It was practically his chair these
days and so there was little reason to wait on formality. "Comfortable down
here with no one about." He spied the electric kettle plugged in and steaming
in its usual corner with a few mugs waiting beside it and knew that before long
one of them would be his, too. Merlin had probably been down here all day. And
the last. Harry made a point of not bringing it up.
"It always is. The holidays don't make as much of a difference as one might
think. Fewer requests, and slower reports, but we're not exactly bustling with
people in Analytics unless there's been an unusual situation cropping up."
Merlin walked over to the waiting kettle and poured a measure into each mug.
One was deposited in front of Harry before Merlin resumed his seat. "You're
starting to attract comments, in fact, by virtue of coming in person for your
briefing and information requests, and for playing favorites."Harry gave his
tea a wry smile. "Well we should be done with that soon enough. The latter
half, at least. I think he can handle my absences well enough now."
When Harry lifted his gaze, he found Merlin watching him. The look could have
been called assessing, but Harry knew that wasn't the whole of it. Merlin had
had a hand in this. What Harry reported mattered to his own affairs.
Harry turned to the monitors and nodded. "How's our boy doing?"
"Badly, as anticipated. I took the liberty of making certain that collections
were routed to the most antagonistic of grifters, and that our fellow's bank
had a bit of a mix-up regarding the status of his accounts and available
credit." Merlin tapped out a few commands on the keyboard, switching a few of
the camera views and turning on the audio. Domestic bickering filled the air,
turned down to a tolerable level. Merlin sat back with his mug cupped in his
hands. "He gave in to the temptation of shoring up his lies to his wife by
making Christmas purchases as if nothing was wrong. She found the collection
letters and the eviction and repossession warning this morning."Harry leaned
forward to watch the feeds.
An irate Mrs. Tranter was shouting at her husband as they stood in the kitchen,
hands gesturing wildly around them. The man Harry had come to know on a first
name basis over the past few months shouted back just as heatedly, refusing to
take the blame for her accusations. In the background, just inside the living
room, Harry could make out their three year old son sitting on the floor,
hiding behind a chair. The timestamp on the recording confirmed that it had
been just hours ago.
Ben may have been backed into a corner, but his vehemence in defending himself
was nearly violent with desperation. Yet it was his wife's words that stood out
the most to Harry. Gone all night. Spending out of control. Making the wrong
kind of friends in the business. Suspicions of cheating. That he'd left them.
Didn't care about them anymore. That they'd had everything and he threw it all
away.
"She'll leave him soon." Harry didn't need to turn to Merlin to guess at the
expression on his face.
"She will. Given his temperament and psychological profile, however, it isn't
likely that she'll have to. He'll leave first, in a way." Merlin reached out,
tapped a key twice, and brought the screen out of the replay and to the live
feeds. From the look of things, no one was in the house but Ben. "She took her
son and went to be with her relatives for the day, and he's been steadily
imbibing since then while brooding over the collection letters."Harry studied
the man in the feed carefully. He'd come to recognize Ben's body language. He'd
come to understand the man's personality. Mr. Tranter was normally an
optimistic person, someone who could barely contemplate turning his life into
what it was becoming. But these things he was about to lose were everything to
him. Family, security, his perfect wife and his young son and above all, the
pride in success. It had been that way all his life, striving to be the model
man. Benjamin Tranter could never do well with shame and with failure.
"You think it'll be soon?" Harry asked although he hardly had to.
"Possibly even within the next few hours. It will be suitably dramatic, and his
blood alcohol level will be sufficient to overrule his better judgment and the
voice of reason. His wife will come back to a life insurance payout." Merlin's
inflection didn't change; he watched the screen and sipped from his mug without
a flicker of emotion aside from interest. Harry recognized it from years past,
matched in the faces of school boys who trapped insects and experimented on
them before watching their death throes. "I admit, I had entertained the
thought that you might refuse to follow through on this project. I'm glad to
have been proven wrong."
Harry raised a brow. He let the moment hang although he had no real reason to.
He knew Merlin wouldn't elaborate. "Because of the boy?" Harry asked, finally.
His tea sat comfortably in his lap and he had no urge to fidget with it to
distract Merlin. This was a strange thing they shared, but it was not
intimidating. Neither did Harry feel the statement was condescending. Merely a
curious observation.
"The boy, and the circumstances of Eggsy's childhood. It wouldn't be unheard of
to have twinges of empathy for a mark on the basis of similarities to a loved
one." Merlin spared a glance away from the screens to look at Harry for a
moment. That second was all that it took for Harry to understand that this
project had been about more than just one more documented instance of
corruption and failure for Merlin to add to some secreted collection. Merlin
had been watching Harry as much as he'd been watching the downfall of the
Tranter family.
Harry found it brought the beginnings of a smile to his mouth, but it wasn't
one of pride. There was an odd sort of poetry to the situation they'd made, and
Harry felt every bit of it. "On the contrary. I do empathise." Harry turned his
attention back to the monitor, imagining the small child peeking out from
behind the chair in the living room. "I've just chosen not to follow it."
Harry could have imagined Eggsy in the Tranter boy's place. Easily. But he'd
chosen to do this and he had not changed his mind. Perhaps it was a sense of
loyalty, or perhaps it truly was as simple as his friendship with Merlin, or
perhaps it was something that ran deeper, that Harry could recognise the right
thing to do, but not think himself a part of it. Whatever the cause, this was
the outcome. The two of them, sitting alone in Merlin's operations room,
sipping tea and watching their targets' lives be destroyed.
The man at the table was cracking to pieces right in front of them. He'd
finished the drink in front of himself and the numb stoicism was beginning to
fade. Mr. Tranter turned the wedding band on his finger again and again,
staring down at the pile of letters on the table in front of him.
"What do you intend to do about the gun?" Merlin's question was so detached
from the scene before them both that Harry took a moment to catch his meaning.
"You know children. They find one unexpected thing and begin to look for more.
Do tell me that you're taking precautions."
That time Harry did consider the tea mug in his hands. "I can't remove the guns
from the house, Merlin. You know that. I'd rather he find them all than the
both of us end up slaughtered in our sleep." Harry sighed. "But I have moved
them to the safe room. There is nothing left hidden around the house." Harry
glanced to his companion and didn't try to hide how he was assessing Merlin.
The man remained unreadable, but not hostile. He was relaxed as anyone could
be. "It'll be some time before I can decide what to tell him." Harry turned his
concentration back to the monitor, imagining himself sitting at the same empty
table Tranter sat at with his head in his hands while Eggsy was out with some
other boy.
"I wasn't suggesting removal, and I'm glad you didn't do anything so foolish. I
vastly prefer you alive." Merlin's gaze tracked the man on the screen who was
shakily getting to his feet. Mr. Tranter shuffled out of the kitchen and across
the living room floor towards the stairs, pausing to look at the toys scattered
across the carpet by his young son. "I'll keep an eye on things as best I can,
but you will eventually have to take longer assignments. The others are
starting to complain about unequal burdens."Harry nodded. "He's ready for it."
He took a sip of his tea, watching the figure on the screen. "The house will
never be completely safe with him there, but he can handle me being gone. He's
secure enough now. And...I do feel better with you watching when you can,"
Harry admitted the last knowing it was obvious, but perhaps unexpected to be
voiced aloud.
Tranter stood at the threshold of his and his wife's bedroom now, staring in
with little expression, but his body looked like his legs could barely hold him
up.
Merlin didn't answer. He set his mug down on his desk and waited, sensing that
the end he'd been waiting for so patiently was finally near. Quiet descended
between the two men, with only the electric hum of the computer filling the
air. The figure on the screen disappeared into the closet and returned a minute
or two later with the cloth belt from a robe in hand.
Mr. Tranter went back downstairs. The empty glass in the kitchen was calling
his name.
Harry sat forward, attention fixed on the man's movements as he began rifling
through one of the top cupboards for another bottle. Tequila this time. Harry
could tell he'd hidden it there at one point, probably early on in the drinking
habit Mr. White had cultivated in him, but now there was little use. Mrs.
Tranter knew about it. She'd found two hiding places in the cupboards before
he'd given up, and by the last few weeks, that was the last of his worries.
Mr. Tranter didn't sit down when he poured himself the next drink--a good sign,
the part of Harry's mind that was analysing this told him. If he was motivated,
actively determined, his attempt was more likely to be successful.
Mr. Tranter downed a frightening amount of drink in hardly any time at all. His
next movements made his plan clearer: blackout from the alcohol, with slow
strangulation. The house didn't have anything high enough to allow a sharp
drop, but you didn't need such a thing to hang yourself. All that was needed
was a tether point, a makeshift rope, and the right position where the weight
of one's own body would cut off the supply of air.
Sitting on the floor, with rope knotted around his neck and secured to the
doorknob, all Mr. Tranter would need to do was let the alcohol take him.
Unconsciousness would cause him to slump, and gravity would do the rest.
Harry became all the more aware of the man beside him as he watched Tranter set
himself into the right position. He'd come to know Mr. Tranter, Ben, fairly
well over the last few months, and the significance of watching this man kill
himself was not lost on Harry.... But still he found his attention straying to
Merlin in these final moments.
Silence had always reigned between them on the rare occasions they reviewed
Harry's footage together. It was always practised with a quality of
understanding, but still...there was so much lying beneath the surface of it.
Harry watched Tranter check the strength of the knot and knew that there was
little time left before Merlin went stony again.
"What do you feel when you watch this?" Harry asked without taking his eyes off
the screen.
Shock passed across Merlin's face, and he glanced at Harry for a split second
before looking back at the screen. He hadn't forgotten Harry's presence, but
the silence between them had been so easy and long practiced that such a direct
question was unexpected. Seconds passed as they watched the figure struggling
on the other side of the cameras.
"...deep pleasure, of the sort when enjoying high art. Satisfaction." Merlin
was transfixed by the sight of Mr. Tranter sobbing and fingering the wedding
ring that was still in place on his left hand. "Unraveling people and bringing
them down to the basest level shows you depths that you'd never see. An
intimacy, of sorts. Witnessing it forms a connection. People are their most
authentic selves, and the glimpse is fleeting and beautiful."
The confession...fit. It nestled inside Harry's chest like something familiar
and the corner of his mouth lifted. He knew Merlin could see it out of the
corner of his eye, even if he was still watching the screen where Mr. Tranter
was breathing heavily, trying to will himself through it.
Already the figure of the man was swaying dangerously where he was hunched, the
alcohol coming on quickly, and Harry knew he was sure to be sweating, probably
to the point of soaking through his shirt, even if they couldn't see it very
well on camera with the way Tranter was turned.
Merlin shuddered and leaned forward slightly as Mr. Tranter tilted sideways and
the cord drew taut. His pupils were blown watching a scene that would have
disturbed and disgusted anyone else. Not all of Merlin's victims ended up
deceased, from what Harry knew, and yet twice now Harry had brought death and
ruin on strangers for the other man. For his friendship and his aid. Merlin had
implied before that he had information on every other Kingsman agent and their
vices, all their little demons. He could had taken a similar tack and helped
Harry only enough to hold Eggsy over his head as blackmail. For some reason,
Merlin had let Harry get closer and gambled his own wellbeing on the strength
of their friendship.
Whatever he had gauged in Harry that led him to do so, he must have been right.
For here Harry was, knee deep in this and not batting an eyelash. It took a
good spy, Harry knew, to decide whom to trust. Because there was no such thing
as trusting no one.
So Harry watched alongside Merlin, respectful now in his silence, but inwardly
he allowed himself to enjoy the sheer amount of pleasure the other man was
expressing. It was a very rare thing for Merlin, and Harry felt particularly
well that he had brought it about.
Merlin's hand drifted upwards until the edge of it covered his mouth. On
someone else, such a gesture would have been an expression of shock or disgust.
On him, it was only consideration and a particular sort of joy, like sampling
the first bite from a plate offered by a master chef. Mr. Tranter was no longer
conscious on the screen, but this sort of hanging was brutal. It would take
some time for slow suffocation to do its work, and with the camera at such a
distance, it would be difficult to tell the exact moment his death occurred.
"Thank you for this."
The lift in Harry's mouth pulled into a smile. "You are most welcome."
It wasn't a lie. Harry felt Merlin's appreciation, deeply. It wasn't his only
reason, of course, but it was one that Harry found mattered to him. One that he
enjoyed, even. Not the late nights perhaps, not that it took him away from the
time he spent with his new ward, and not, even, for the end result, but simply
for Merlin's sake. Although Harry did have to admit, he could see the
fascination in it. And he did like showing off.
Merlin left the screen recording and turned his attention to Harry. He'd seen
the moment of lost consciousness, and there would be time enough for him to go
back through the recording later to try to guess the moment of death. He
stopped to consider Harry, and his gaze settled on the pleased smile gracing
Harry's mouth. Merlin wasn't used to such an expression being directed at him
with any real sincerity or depth to it, and from the slight confusion on his
face, he didn't know how to process the experience now that it was happening.
It only made Harry's smile widen. No one caught Merlin off guard like that.
"What a pair we are, hm?" Harry asked, glancing at his tea mug before he set it
aside at the table before he returned his gaze to Merlin, expression no
less...fond. No wonder it was disconcerting. Harry might have laughed had he
not known Merlin might take it as being laughed at. But the whole situation....
Harry cocked his head and watched Merlin. "You'll want another sweep of the
house, I presume? Before his wife finds him and the cops destroy the scene?"
"Yes, if you would." Merlin paused, licked his lips and averted his gaze, then
continued. For all that he'd been relaxed, tension had started to radiate from
him. "The tape would normally be enough, but one last sweep adds... a special
touch to it all. And there's the matter of the cameras. It's unlikely that the
cops will find them, but a minute risk is still a risk. Low probability isn't
the same as an impossibility."
Harry let the anticipation of the job sink in for a moment. Merlin may be
showing signs of anxiousness, but Harry knew that it was more for the last
request of his services than anything else.
"It would be my pleasure," Harry said as he rose, pushing aside his chair into
its former position and resting his hand on Merlin's arm. Touch was never
really shared between them, nor with Merlin and anyone else, but Harry thought
the moment appropriate. He gave the man a nod. "I should be back within the
hour."
Merlin nodded back and watched Harry walk through the door. It clicked shut
behind him.It was some time before Merlin turned away from the solid metal
panel that yielded no more answers than it did the sight of his departed
friend.
***** Chapter 23 *****
True to his word, over the next few months, Harry picked up the slack Merlin
had been allowing him at work. He went on regular missions, gruelling ones more
often than not in the first few weeks after Christmas, as though Merlin were
trying to make up for the lost time.
Keeping Eggsy a secret from the organization was no longer an option, and Harry
knew it. He'd decided as much that Christmas and after Lancelot and Percival
met Eggsy at the shop during his fitting, there were bound to be questions and
the knights were bound to come to the right conclusion about Harry's schedule
over the past month. Harry relented and made the informal announcement, as he
knew he would have to, mere days later. There were a few raised eyebrows around
the table, but all things considered, the fact that their Galahad had the
ambition to build a somewhat untraditional family was more or less accepted.
Most of the knights had families of their own. Although Harry knew Arthur would
look into the situation and surely make his judgements about Harry's choice in
wards, there did not seem to be any extra suspicion in the man's belittling
comments when he did see fit to mention the Unwin boy. Harry could see the
distaste for his apparent sentiment hidden behind Arthur's gaze when they met
to discuss it. But Arthur only asked the once, and only briefly, and as far as
Kingsman was concerned afterwards, that was that.
By the time winter passed into spring, Eggsy was forced to accept Harry's
absences as par for the course.
Less acceptable were Harry's injuries. Such things were inevitable on missions.
Even the lightest and safest of assigned duties could take a turn for the
worse. Had they not been intimate, Eggsy would likely never have noticed, but
that was a moot point. They were intimate, and the bruises and scratches
couldn't be hidden from the boy when he could easily spot them in bed or during
a shared shower together. Harry brushed them off as trivial, the results of a
little sightseeing and sporting when he was traveling, or of a martial arts and
fitness class he was taking with Landon and some other coworkers. The latter
excuse wasn't the most thought through: Eggsy had immediately perked up at the
mention of martial arts, remembering his time with Landon, and then refused to
see why he couldn't join such classes for himself.
Harry began to relent after Eggsy's prodding on that front, acknowledging that
he'd been out of gymnastics class for quite some time by then, but Harry
remained firm that Eggsy would have to join a class of his own if he wanted to
try, and that the ones he attended were restricted to adults. If the bruises
Harry came back with were any indication, that restriction probably made a lot
of sense. Still, sometimes it seemed more trouble than it was worth.
Harry's attentions on Eggsy remained a constant, from finding new and exciting
places to take Eggsy to...well, their encounters in private. That was one thing
Eggsy had perhaps not anticipated he'd be worried over, but after going to live
with Harry, and after losing his mother, it was surely natural to have been
nervous on some level that Harry would take care of him as well as he'd
promised he would. But almost every night, Eggsy found that he was wanted and
loved, whether Harry caught him around the middle and pulled him down onto the
couch after dinner or woke Eggsy in the early morning hours with his gentle
hands and mouth.
That sort of constancy was an amazing thing. More than Eggsy had realized it
would be. So much of his home life had centred on insecurity and shifting
ground. Harry's mood was consistently positive, open, and welcoming. Eggsy was
encouraged to voice his thoughts and wants, needs and questions. It never
entered his mind that there might not be enough food that week, or that they
might have to go stay somewhere else the next month if things stayed bad. Harry
never brought anyone dangerous or repugnant home.
Eggsy didn't miss such instability. He did miss his mother, and he missed Harry
during his routine absences. Regular affection didn't keep the boy's spirits
from dropping whenever Harry took off for a day or longer. Eggsy began, more
and more, to cope by distracting himself or doing something that reminded him
of Harry, so that he didn't feel quite so lonely.
One such absence occurred just after Eggsy had gotten out of school for the
summer.
He hadn't gotten used to them for that long yet, not whole days at a time when
he was home. Harry had gone away the occasional weekend before, but it was rare
and this time all Eggsy's mates were tied up with other things when he'd
called. Harry didn't mind him taking the tube up to see his friends or staying
in the house alone just so long as Eggsy carried his phone with him and was
able to call in case of an emergency. But this time, Harry was going to be gone
for two days and Eggsy didn't even have the drudgery of school to keep him
busy.
Eggsy quickly ran out of things that he wanted to do. He'd finished his most
recent video game the previous week and didn't really feel like starting over.
Making a sugary snack for himself only worked up until the point that
everything was devoured. Eggsy wasn't to wander around outside the house by
himself unless he was on his way to a friend's house or similar, where people
would know if he didn't get to somewhere on time and would report his absence.
Eggsy felt trapped in the house, and everything reminded him of the fact that
Harry wasn't there and wouldn't be back for some time.
Eggsy wandered through Harry's office, looking at the strange conspiracy
newspapers pinned randomly to the wall. The room smelled like Harry, just a
bit, and Eggsy reached out to run fingertips over the desk. Smooth wood, with
fine grain. Harry had particular tastes. Eggsy wished that his lover had left
him something to hold onto again while he was gone. He no longer was worried
that Harry was going to disappear on him or never come back, but having a token
to hold onto seemed like it would make the waiting easier.
It was with that in mind that Eggsy returned to the bedroom and began poking
through the drawers. He'd not seen where Harry had put it, but the watch he'd
lent Eggsy once before had to be in the house somewhere.
Harry had more than one. That day, all those months ago, Harry had come back
with another just like the one he'd left with Eggsy, but they were expensive
and he didn't leave them lying around. The only place Eggsy ever saw one was on
Harry's night stand when they settled into bed. Logic would dictate, however,
that Harry must be keeping the other somewhere with the rest of his clothes.
Eggsy moved from the dresser to the closet, going through rows of shirts and
ties, shoes and socks and other items with no luck. He found Harry's assortment
of cuff links and tie clips in a little drawer atop the dresser, and some of
them were truly beautiful to behold in gold and gems and intricate engravings,
but there was no watch.
His spirits began to fall as he took one last turn about the room before his
eyes wandered to the night stand. There was only the lamp, alarm clock, and a
single box of tissues, none of the things Harry kept in his pockets during the
day and set there at night. But...on closer inspection, Eggsy realised it had a
drawer. It was something he'd never noticed before since it didn't look like it
had a handle until he reached his hand on the underside of it and found the
groove he could pull forward, but as soon as he did, he knew this was it. Sure
enough, there it was, the gleaming gold watch, folded neatly in the back
corner.
Eggsy perused the few other items tucked in the drawer. None of them looked
interesting. Eggsy had never seen why some people were fascinated by fancy
metal pens when ones from Tesco worked just fine. A lighter was nestled in the
drawer, which was odd considering Harry didn't smoke, but perhaps not too odd.
It looked older and engraved, so it was likely a keepsake from something.
Eggsy picked up the watch and let the weight of it settle on his palm. It was
just like he remembered, and when he raised it up to get a closer look, the
scent from before was still there. Fine leather. Eggsy would have to ask Harry
sometime what it was about leather that made it smell so good, like getting
enveloped in a warm and velvety blanket.
Eggsy sat down on the bed and then rolled onto his back. Harry had made it up
again that morning before he'd left, and the blankets were plush and
comfortable underneath Eggsy as he ran his fingers over the face of the watch.
With the sunlight streaming in through the windows and glancing off its
surface, he could turn it this way and that to reflect points of light off the
wall. It was warm when he let them fall on his hands. The glass was thick, well
made. There were more dials on its side than Eggsy had ever seen on a watch
before. It must have been one of those ones where you could not only set the
time, but the date and the season. He'd even seen some that charted the stars,
but he couldn't tell if that's what the extra ring of numbers on the outer edge
of the face meant or if they stood for something else altogether.
Like any curious boy would, Eggsy began to fiddle with it. The ring of numbers
on the outside rotated, but didn't seem to do anything. Eggsy had wondered if
they were a sort of stopwatch timer, but after turning the ring until the zero
at the top read eight instead, the ring stayed in place instead of ticking
down. Eggsy pursed his lips and decided to try the little knobs on the side
next. One pulled out with a click and he spun it back and forth, watching the
hands move across the face of the watch. Another click outward and the numbers
in tiny windows inside the watch moved; date, then.
Eggsy clicked that knob back in place and tried the next one. To his surprise,
a slot on the side of the watch opened up. Normally he would have peered into
it to see what was in there, but Eggsy noticed one more small detail.
The watch was clicking. The ring of numbers was finally moving, counting down
from eight. Eggsy set it down on the bedspread and yanked his hands away, just
in time to watch something shoot out of the gap in the side of the watch and
stick to the wall.
The watch jerked with the force of it and Eggsy jumped. Whatever had happened,
it was over. The watch lay still and the light that had flashed across the face
went blank again. He looked at the wall....and sure enough, there was something
sticking out of it.
It had happened so fast. Almost like a gunshot, but without the sound.
Carefully, Eggsy climbed off the bed and moved to inspect the little metal
piece that had embedded itself into the wall. About an inch of it stuck out
from the wallpaper and when Eggsy took hold of the end and pulled it out, he
found the other end was made of a short needle.
Eggsy didn't know what to make of it. He'd never seen a dangerous watch before.
It had to be some sort of weapon, because the boy couldn't think of any other
reason that a watch would spit out a needle quick enough to embed the needle
into a wall.
Harry had no reason for owning a weaponized watch. Now that Eggsy thought about
it, it seemed strange that Harry would lend him something that had a weapon in
it at all, much less do it and not warn him about it. Eggsy wondered if Harry
knew that shot out metal spikes if you touched the wrong knob.
Except... Harry had to, didn't he? He owned multiples of the same watch, which
meant it wasn't an heirloom or antique purchase that came with features he
didn't know about. If they were all the same watch, they'd all have the same
needle-shooting feature.
Eggsy raised it up under the light of the window. The metal was clean and
unscratched. Strong. He touched his finger to the tip of it, careful not to let
it scratch, and found it was sharper than he'd expected.
When Eggsy picked up the watch, he couldn't figure out if the needle was meant
to be loaded back into it somehow, or if there were more inside it. They would
fit if there were. The watch was large enough to match Harry's hands. Something
had flashed over the glass, too, just before it had gone off. Eggsy hadn't
caught what it said, but it had definitely said something. His fingers rested
over the dial, brushing against its smooth surface, tempted to try again.
Temptation was too much to resist. Now that he knew what to expect, Eggsy was
more careful. He turned the number dial up to thirty, looked at the knobs on
the side, and pulled the one that he remembered touching, right next to the one
that adjusted the clock hands. The side opened again, accompanied by the
mechanical ticking the countdown of the number ring along the outside of the
clock face. Eggsy turned the opening towards the wall and watched the clock
face for the flash.
Amnesia. The writing lasted only a second, but it flashed across the face
enough to obscure the watch hands beneath, and the watch clicked and shot
another needle into the wall.
It still made him jump. Just, a little less that time. Eggsy stared at the wall
and then back to the watch's face.
Amnesia? Eggsy recognised the word, but that made it sound like....there was
more to these needles than he'd thought. It really was a weapon. Harry had
never said anything about it. Eggsy would have remembered. It didn't make
sense. The whole idea was more like something out of a film, not the reality
that sat in Eggsy's hand. He'd never heard of such a thing in real life before,
and he couldn't imagine why Harry would need it.
Harry was a tailor. A tailor that got into more dangerous situations than Eggsy
would have thought tailors ever did, considering the mugging incident, but that
wasn't enough to explain why Harry would have such a sophisticated hidden
weapon. Eggsy would have expected him to use mace, or his old soldier training,
or even that gun hidden away in the garage if he was worried about self-
defense. A weaponized watch was something on another level, like what spies or
tricky criminals used.
Harry wasn't a criminal. He couldn't be. He was too nice to be one. Criminals
were people like Dean. They were mean and abusive and didn't care who they
hurt.
Something about the room had changed. When Eggsy looked around it again, at the
standing mirror he had stood in front of to admire his suit with Harry, to the
big polished dresser and the closet with neat rows of Harry's shirts and ties,
to the tall windows letting in the spring sunlight, to the plush rug under his
feet.... The watch in his hands made all of it seem strange even though Eggsy
slept there every night and woke there every morning, warm and safe in Harry's
arms.
Eggsy couldn't help but wonder if the watch was the only thing with hidden
features to it. He doubted it. Eggsy's mind was drifting to the strangeness of
the electrical box in the garage, which had held a gun instead of fuses or
wires. Harry's watch held little metal darts in it. Now that Eggsy thought
about it, the drawer it had been in was a little strange, too - somewhat hidden
and having to be slid open from the groove underneath.
Eggsy turned back to the other items in the drawer. He drew out a few knick-
knacks, but after playing with them, none of them seemed strange.
In the end, all he could do was...nothing. He kept the watch, and the darts.
They had barely even made holes in the wall, certainly unnoticeable to the
untrained eye.
Eggsy returned downstairs and sat himself in front of the telly, but flipping
through the channels provided marginal distraction at best. He remembered the
last time he'd sat there feeling like this, except that had been different with
the gun. That had made him worry. Eggsy knew what guns meant. He knew all the
sorts of dirty business that could go along with them. This, on the other hand,
he had no idea.
He wouldn't find out anytime soon, either. Harry wasn't going to return until
the following evening. Now the house wasn't only empty, it had also gained a
sense of danger and unreality. Eggsy hadn't found anything strange for months,
so it stood to reason that he wasn't going to set off any booby traps. It was
ridiculous to look at everything in the house and wonder if it was different
like the watch was.
But Eggsy did wonder. He wondered as he laid upside-down on the sofa and
watched cartoons, and as he went into the kitchen to microwave the pizza rolls
he'd begged for until Harry bought them for him. He thought about them when
racing his remote control car around the house and chasing Mr. Pickle with it.
It weighed down his mind when he lingered in the shower, hand running over the
tiles and remembering all of the things he and Harry had done in the shower
together.
The bedroom felt a little less safe when it was time for bed. Eggsy left the
bathroom light on down the hall and cracked the door open so he'd not be
completely in the dark. The light reflected off the bedroom mirror and made
Eggsy look even smaller as he was, nested in the center of the bed and
clutching Harry's pillow to his chest.
The second day was marginally better if only because he'd already imagined
everything the watch could possibly mean. Boredom and the need to occupy
himself took care of the rest, but as morning turned into afternoon and
afternoon turned into evening, every hour brought Harry's arrival that much
closer and with it came more thoughts of the watch and the inevitable
confrontation.
Maybe it would be like the gun. Maybe Harry would have an explanation. One that
actually made sense, hard as it was to imagine.
It wasn't until a quarter after six that Eggsy finally heard the sound of
footsteps at the front door.
Eggsy raced to greet him, making it just in time as the door swung inwards.
Harry looked tired but relieved to be home and happy to see him. Eggsy threw
himself forward and Harry had to drop his luggage in order to catch him.
"Harry! I missed you, it was so boring. I finished my games and there was
nothin' to do and everyone was busy so I couldn't go anywhere. Was your trip
ok?"
"Whoa!" Harry took a step back, Eggsy locked in his arms, until he hit the
door. "Missed me I take it." But Harry chuckled. His fingers swept through
Eggsy's hair. Harry felt like the rock he had become for Eggsy, lifting him up
in his arms and letting Eggsy wrap his legs around Harry's waist until they
were eye to eye. Harry kissed him then, with one arm around Eggsy's back and
the other hand in his hair. Harry lingered, his eyes warm with affection when
they parted. "I missed you, too."
Harry smiled before he set Eggsy back down. "Here, grab that for me, will you,"
he said pointing to the smaller one of his bags. "Help me bring these upstairs
and I'll tell you all about it."
"Got it!" Eggsy scooped it up, though he had to use both hands on the handle
and his back arched in his attempt to keep it off the ground. Harry didn't
mind. Eggsy made quite a sight like that, the curve of his spine drawing the
eye right down to the seat of his trousers. Harry let Eggsy climb the stairs in
front of him and his smile grew a touch wider.
"Where did you go this time? Can't have been too far, if it was only two days.
Right?"
"Not too terribly far, no. Belgium, actually. Ghent. Quite lovely this time of
year." They rounded the corner to the bedroom and Harry set the suitcases down
at the foot of the bed, gesturing for Eggsy to do the same.
The sun was out longer now, just making its descent upon the horizon, and it
caught the side of Harry's face in orange light. Eggsy must have looked the
same because Harry stopped in the middle of straightening after he'd put the
bags down. He stared at Eggsy with the touch of a smile at his mouth. Harry
reached out and traced his finger down the edge of Eggsy's cheek. "You are
magnificently beautiful. Did you know that?"
Eggsy blushed. After months of such comments, he still didn't know how to
respond to praise like that. Praise in general was rough, but compliments about
his appearance felt strange, mostly due to the way people only seemed to make
such comments about girls. "No, but you tell me it a lot. Doesn't matter if
it's true or not, just matters if you think so."
Harry was drawing him closer, cupping the side of his face, and Eggsy spotted
the bedside table out of the corner of his eye. Questions tugged at him, and
Eggsy worried at his lower lip. "Harry, can I ask you somethin'?"
The tips of Harry's fingers threaded into his hair, massaging at the back of
his neck. Harry didn't look like he was in any hurry, but he was still taking
Eggsy in, looking him up and down with his gaze catching on Eggsy's mouth.
Perhaps Harry sensed the nature of what he was about to say, or perhaps he
didn't. It was hard to tell when Harry would have been watching him like that
either way.
"What's that?"
"I... um, how come your watch is weird? I missed you when you were gone, and I
remembered the watch you lent me when you went away before, so I went to find
it so I could have it with me again. There was other stuff to hold onto, but I
remembered it from before, y'know?" Eggsy rambled nervously, searching Harry's
face all the while. "I found it, but something weird happened. It clicked and
something shot out of the side, and... why do you have a watch that shoots
stuff? I know it's stupid, but I started worryin' that other stuff in the house
was gonna start acting weird."
Harry's eyebrows knitted together. "The watch that I gave you to hold onto. The
same one." His eyes flashed up and down Eggsy. "You weren't hurt, were you?"
Harry looked relieved when Eggsy shook his head. His whole body shook with the
sigh he released. Harry's fingers curled around the back of his neck. "I'll
explain. Just. Where is the watch now?"
"I put it on the table in the guest room. After it shot things into the wall I
didn't really want it near me, 'specially not while I was sleeping. They were
little metal darts, but they went fast enough to stick." Eggsy's hands balled
into fists around handfuls of Harry's jacket. For once, Harry didn't chide him
about the creases it would make. "How come you didn't warn me about it when you
lent it to me?"
A look passed across Harry's face, one that looked a lot like hurt, but it was
gone as quickly as it appeared. "Eggsy...." Harry took Eggsy's hands in his own
and pulled him over to the bed where Harry sat down. "What you found...was a
dart tipped with a tranquillizer." Eggsy's brows furrowed and Harry went on
before he could speak. "It's for self defence." He swallowed. "I know it's...a
bit elaborate, but.... After that time I was mugged, I decided to have these
outfitted." Harry searched Eggsy's eyes. "I know it's all a bit paranoid, but
I'd never intended for you to be in danger."
"That's a bit mad, though, innit? Like..." Eggsy frowned. He knew very well
that Harry wasn't poor in any sense of the word, but he also knew that altering
jewelry with high tech gadgets would be very costly. Costly for the work, and
possibly for making people stay quiet. Sneaky weapons weren't looked on very
well in the UK. "That's a lot of money to make a watch dangerous. And why
couldn't you just use mace? Or carry that gun you have?"
"It was costly," Harry sighed. "But you can't bring guns and mace with you
wherever you go, especially not through airport security and...well, I'd rather
be a little bit mad than surprised like that again." Harry pulled Eggsy closer
and wrapped his arms loosely around Eggsy's middle. He looked serious now, and
Eggsy knew that he'd brought up a fairly serious point, but there was something
else lingering in Harry's eyes. Some other concern that Eggsy just couldn't
make out.
"I am glad you're not hurt," Harry said quietly. "That's the main thing."
"Me too. I didn't know what it was and almost looked in the little hole, except
for the clicking noise. That would have been bad." Something about Harry's
explanation wasn't right. Harry was concerned about something he wasn't saying,
something more than just Eggsy's safety. A tranquilizer watch was needlessly
complicated and expensive as a security precaution, and also wouldn't do much
good against the kind of situation Harry would have to worry about: being
attacked by a group of people. One dart wasn't going to do much good against
more than one person.
Eggsy clung to Harry even tighter. "You'd tell me if anything else in the house
is dangerous, right?"
"Yes. Eggsy.... I'm sorry. I didn't even think you'd pick that watch up again."
Harry lifted his arms, tightening them around Eggsy's back. Harry looked sad
when Eggsy looked up at him again. That was the only thing he could think to
describe it. That was the feeling that was throwing him off. Eggsy couldn't
make out why, but Harry was sad.
"I've been talking with Sean," Harry began again. "He's been making a good case
for you to go to those martial arts classes you've been asking about. Any of
your choosing. I thought I'd surprise you."
"Oh." The thought was enough to distract Eggsy momentarily. He hadn't forgotten
the places Landon had taken him before, and his envy had only grown when Harry
had confessed to taking some classes himself. Eggsy missed the physicality of
sports, the competition of it all, and he hated feeling left out. "I'd like
that. I don't know the difference between any of 'em, so I don't know which one
to pick, but I'd like that."
Harry was covering up his emotions as best as he could, but it wasn't quite
enough. Nothing about Harry's expression was odd. He was the same as always,
but Eggsy could still feel the sadness underneath. Perhaps it was something
about the way that his touch lingered more than it usually did.
"Well I have a few ideas," Harry went on. "Maybe we'll take a look at a couple
classes and see which you prefer. We can make a day of it." Harry's smile
warmed. It touched his eyes, but whatever Eggsy was feeling still lingered
underneath. "I don't suppose you've had much for dinner now, have you? What do
you say I cook us up something quick? Something a little healthier than those
pizza rolls and ice cream I don't doubt you've been indulging in while I was
out." Harry squeezed Eggsy's side, the teasing light and familiar.
"Yeah, I am pretty hungry. Don't knock the pizza rolls 'til you've tried them.
They were really good!" Eggsy protested. "Just wasn't enough of them. It's
weird not having you around for dinner, and I don't really like to cook all
that much." Eggsy followed Harry back down the stairs to the kitchen. Eggsy
didn't think he was imagining that Harry stayed closer than he normally did,
which was pretty close. Instead of walking in front and letting Eggsy follow a
short ways behind him, he slowed his pace to let Eggsy keep up.
Harry did small things like that for the rest of dinner. It was hard to tell if
it was just Eggsy, or if Harry had missed him, or if Harry was really worried
about him finding the watch. Potentially getting hurt. Harry didn't bring it up
again, and he didn't let on whether it weighed on his mind, but Eggsy still
wondered.
They ate with Harry talking about the sights he saw on his trip, the shops he'd
visited, and the beauty of the Belgian city. He asked Eggsy where he'd like to
go on vacation someday. Conversation between them wasn't stilted or sparse, and
when they were finished, Harry wrapped Eggsy up in his arms on the couch while
they watched a bit of telly before bed.
It was all so normal. Eggsy began to relax a bit. With Harry encouraging it, it
was difficult not to. He had missed Harry, and he wanted everything to be
alright. Like with the gun, Eggsy wanted to believe that there was a rational
explanation for things.
Except Harry's explanation still didn't make a lot of sense. It lingered at the
back of Eggsy's mind in a way the gun hadn't. A hidden gun made sense for an
ex-soldier with a soldier's trauma and paranoia. Watches that shot tranquilizer
darts were much less easy to buy into as a reasonable and relatively
commonplace item. Harry was quirky so far as older people went, even amongst
posh people who got up to strange things, but Eggsy didn't think he was the
right sort of quirky for the watch to make sense.
If Harry noticed something was lingering on Eggsy's mind the rest of the night,
he didn't mention it.
Harry had him get ready for bed as usual, pulled Eggsy into his arms and the
blankets around them as usual, kissed Eggsy goodnight as usual with long
strokes of his tongue and lingering hands, but Harry didn't take it further
than that. He might have been tired from the flight, or maybe he really did
sense Eggsy had something on his mind, but for whatever reason Harry let him be
after saying goodnight.
Eggsy fell asleep listening to the sound of Harry's quiet breathing and feeling
the warmth of a much larger body wrapped protectively around him.
===============================================================================
A subtle tension remained between Harry and Eggsy over the next few days. They
didn't talk about it, but Eggsy hadn't stopped thinking about the watch, and
Harry seemed... not careful, not exactly, but off in a way that Eggsy found
hard to pin down. They resumed their usual routine, and Harry started to help
Eggsy research different types of martial arts so that he could choose what
classes he wanted to take.
Days, however, were different. Eggsy didn't have school to occupy his daytime
hours, and so when Harry went to work, Eggsy was left to his own devices and
thoughts. Thoughts which turned again towards nervous suspicion when, one
afternoon, Eggsy decided to do a bit more reading on the martial arts types
that he and Harry had been perusing. He went to Harry's office, thinking it
would be easy enough to log on and access the internet like they had done
together in the previous few nights.
Security stopped him. Eggsy had thought it would be like school, where teachers
left computers unlocked or with text passwords that were easily guessed.
Harry's computer was a different animal entirely - besides the text box, there
was a camera that blinked to life and zeroed in on his face, which was
replicated in a little gridded window next to where a password was to be
entered.
He froze.
At first it felt like he'd done something wrong, tripped up some feature he
shouldn't have. Eggsy had heard a lot about internet safety at school and such,
that kids could access things they would get in serious trouble for online, and
even if his friends laughed it off and went looking for porn anyway and Eggsy
had scoffed at such paranoia before, it suddenly, irrationally, jumped to the
forefront of his mind.
Except that he hadn't done anything wrong. He hadn't even gotten the chance to
access the internet, or any of Harry's personal files. He was just trying to
get into the computer. And he'd heard of webcams before, but his face staring
back at him on the screen behind the grid....this was something else.
The cursor sat there, waiting for him to input something, but Eggsy had a
feeling that no matter what he tried, it wasn't going to work.
Eggsy left the office with an unsettled feeling in his stomach, one that was
becoming more familiar. Harry didn't seem like the sort of person to have a lot
of high-tech modern security... except for the matter of the watch. Harry's
house was outfitted with standard security, nothing too over the top, but the
watch was on another level. Harry was wealthy, but he was a tailor, not a
stockbroker or anyone who would have sensitive information that needed to be
kept guarded. His finances would be kept safe by his bank. Harry had no need to
go overboard on making certain his computer was secure unless there was
something on that computer that needed protecting.
Eggsy had no idea what that might be.
He knew Harry worked there a lot, but he'd never thought much of it or seen
anything strange on the computer before. Eggsy hadn't seen a lot on the
computer, when he thought about it. Occasionally Harry helped him look
something up for school, but he didn't have any games on it and so Eggsy had
never thought about asking to use it for more than that. None of his friends
had computers at home, and he could browse the internet at school if he wanted
to.
The only thing he could think to do was ask Harry for the password and what the
camera was for, but now the whole encounter made him feel like he'd gone
snooping into something he shouldn't have. Even if it was just the computer.
The same computer he'd been allowed to use with Harry there, thinking nothing
of it at the time.
Eggsy's imagination ran wild. The more he thought, the more upset he became. He
still couldn't figure out why Harry had been sad about him finding the watch;
it hadn't been from being scared that he might have been hurt. Eggsy knew that
much. On the telly, if someone was gone on mysterious business trips a lot and
was very careful about their phones and computers then the wife found out that
the husband was having an affair, but that was ludicrous. Eggsy couldn't
believe that Harry would like anyone else and, besides, he wasn't gone often
enough for that sort of thing.
Eggsy didn't know what it meant, but it felt like secrets. Hypocritical as it
was, considering he'd kept secrets of his own during his life, Eggsy wasn't
happy with the idea that Harry might be hiding some things from him. He'd
always trusted Harry enough to tell him the truth. Harry should be trusting him
enough to do the same.
He only had a few more hours to wait before Harry came home from work. Not long
enough to call up his friends and get out of the house to avoid thinking about
it any longer. He spent those hours with that feeling twisting in his gut and
all sorts of questions flitting across the forefront of his mind.
When Harry did finally step through the front door, the first thing Eggsy heard
was his name called out. Harry sounded like he was in a cheerful mood, and he
certainly looked like it when his head popped around the corner of the hall a
moment later. "There you are Eggsy," Harry began as he strolled into the living
room, unbuttoning his jacket. "I've got a surprise for you. Sean had an extra
pass, some mix up with the sales rep.... Tell me, have you ever had an interest
in mountain climbing?"
"Mountain climbing? Like, with a real mountain? Wouldn't we have to fly
somewhere for that?" London, as far as Eggsy was aware, was full of relatively
flat landscape for kilometres. Only once you got up towards Scotland did things
start to get truly steep, and Eggsy didn't think those counted as mountains."
What... when are we going? You're coming, right?"
"Of course I'd be coming." Harry smiled, setting his jacket over the back of an
armchair. "And you will, eventually, need a real mountain, of which we might be
able to vacation to this summer, but the first few weeks would be training
only, indoors with a wall. What do you say? A bit of an adventure, possibly one
with a very nice view at the end?" Harry looked quite proud of the idea,
standing there in the living room and presenting it to Eggsy. Controlled energy
straightened his back and lifted his voice and Eggsy could tell this may have
been meant for him, but Harry was excited about the idea.
Eggsy's face split wide with a grin. Harry only had a split second before the
youth barrelled into him and wrapped him in a hug. "Yeah! Oh man, this'll be
awesome! I've never done any real climbing before. Trees and climbing out the
window at my old place don't count." The memories of that dropped a stone in
Eggsy's stomach and stole a bit of his happy excitement. He had questions.
"Harry...? Could I use your computer tomorrow? I wanted to look up more about
martial arts schools and stuff."
Harry looked puzzled at the sudden turn, but not disappointed. "Sure, I suppose
so. I'll plan on making something simple for dinner and we can look it up when
I get home. Still thinking of Tae Kwon Do, perhaps moving onto Aikido?"
Harry led Eggsy into the kitchen with him as he talked. It was the usual
routine, Harry would say hello after work and then get started on dinner right
away. He sometimes said that if he sat down first, he'd never get up again. But
Eggsy's question seemed to have gone over his head.
"I dunno. I've heard Tae Kwon Do isn't all that great. Like, it's got some
weaknesses other ones don't have. I wanted to look at that more. I've got all
day to do that kind of thing, so we don't gotta waste time on it when you get
home." Eggsy sat down on one of the stools by the island when they reached the
kitchen. They were high enough that Eggsy felt taller and more confident, and
he wanted to watch Harry. "I used to go to the library for that, but that's a
ways away and it's stupid to go so far when you've got a computer with
internet."
"Ah, I see." Harry turned to rummage through the fridge, but he didn't sound
too hesitant about the idea. Eggsy could tell that he was thinking though. "Let
me see if I can set up a guest account for you tonight then. You'll just have
to remember to log out when you're done with it and that should be fine."
Harry set out sauce pans and took out a packet of chicken. He readied the
knives and spices without even looking at Eggsy, as he usually did in their
evening conversations. Truly, Harry didn't seem uncomfortable in the least.
Making a guest account wasn't all that strange, except in the greater context.
Harry had not felt squeamish about letting Eggsy have access to anything in the
house before, personal or otherwise. Alcohol wasn't kept under lock and key,
and Harry let him drink. Knives in the kitchen weren't locked up. Erotic books
weren't off limits. Harry was so relaxed about every other piece of his life
and home that making Eggsy a restricted guest account, instead of just letting
him have the password, was suspicious against a background of trusting
indulgence.
Harry went on as though nothing was wrong, chopping vegetables and heating
noodles, spicing the chicken and throwing it all into a big sauce pan before he
turned around and noticed Eggsy thinking. Harry wiped his hands dry and moved
over to the island counter. "Penny for your thoughts?" Harry asked, warmth in
his voice and interest in his gaze. Eggsy must have looked lost in his own
head.
Eggsy tried his best to smooth his expression over into something relaxed and
neutral. Guilt bubbled up in him that he was thinking any bad things about
Harry at all. "Huh? Oh... I guess I was just wondering if I could get my own
computer someday. For the internet, and for games. Maybe for my birthday?"
Eggsy looked hopeful, but he couldn't read Harry at all. The fact that he
couldn't only reawakened memories of the lessons he'd had before he went to see
the psychiatrist and the magistrates. Harry could lie, and lie well, and Eggsy
knew this.
Finally a smile spread over Harry's mouth. "I think that would be a splendid
idea. Something you could use for school work as well." Maybe Harry was being
serious or maybe he was trying to get Eggsy to roll his eyes, but Eggsy was too
lost in observing Harry to give the man a satisfying reaction. Harry's smile
tightened and his fingers slid over the back of Eggsy's neck before he turned
back to the frying pan. "It'll be nice not having to type your papers up at
school at the very least."
"Or the library. Library's not all bad, but it feels like more work to have to
travel to get stuff done there. Worse to stay at school and do it during
computer lab time." Harry didn't say anything in return. Eggsy kept watching
the small movements of his arms, shifting the pan back and forth across the
burner and turning the cooking food with a utensil. Eggsy's guilt was eating
him alive and all he wanted to do was slide off of the stool, go to Harry, and
pour out everything that he was thinking.
Eggsy was used to Harry being his confidante. The problem was that that didn't
work when Eggsy was having negative, suspicious thoughts about Harry.
Harry didn't turn around again until he'd dished up two plates of chicken lo
mein. He set them down at the table and Eggsy went to get silverware, which had
become his job during supper. Harry picked out a light red wine for dinner that
night, something not uncommon, and although he usually offered Eggsy juice
first, Harry held a glass out to him with a question lifting his brow. "Care to
indulge tonight?"
Eggsy nodded and smiled. He didn't always like the taste of alcohol, but Harry
was very good at picking out things that covered up the taste in some way. Rich
and fruity, or sweet to the point of almost being candy - Harry had a good idea
of Eggsy's tastes and tolerated his childish palette with only a little good-
natured cringing now and then. "Yeah. Y'know, I really like it that you do
that." Harry paused mid-turn in retrieving a corkscrew, and Eggsy laughed at
his questioning look. "Treatin' me like an adult. I know I've said it before,
but it's... more obvious when dealin' with other people. They don't think of
kids like they're real people at all. Like we're stupid and can't understand
stuff, or won't notice that they treat us different and talk over us, or that
the rules they have for us are stupid. You talk to me like... well, not like
I'm a grown-up, 'cause I ain't, but like we're on the same level. You give me
choices and things. Like drinkin', instead of just telling me that I'm a kid
and not allowed."
The corner of Harry's mouth lifted and he went back to his work with the cork.
It came free with a satisfying pop. Harry put it in a decorative glass bowl he
kept atop the counter, one that held many corks that came before it. "It would
be in rather bad taste not to." Harry sat down and poured a few inches into
each of their glasses, Eggsy's just a little less. "And I like it like this. I
like it when you're open and confident and when you know that I will respect
your wishes, within reason." Harry was inspecting Eggsy with that look, the one
he'd used early on and often, the one that said he was wondering if there was
something more to Eggsy's comments than Eggsy let on.
Eggsy didn't rise to the bait, though another rush of guilt washed through him.
He didn't like being inspected. Harry was the one doing all the suspicious
things, after all. "I'd like it if we talked more. I mean, we do talk, and I
like what we talk about, but some stuff is more important to talk about than,
y'know, football or video games and stuff. I don't know a lot about other
things, but I think we could talk about them anyways. Because you know about a
lot of stuff, right?"
Harry's brows rose and he chuckled. "I know a little about a good variety of
subjects, you might say, but I don't know if you could say I know about a lot
of things. I suppose you'll just have to try me to find out." Harry curled his
fork in the steaming noodles and took a bite. His gaze relaxed as he looked to
Eggsy again. "What sort of things do you have in mind?"
Eggsy shrugged, taking a bite of noodles himself to get some time to think. "I
dunno. I didn't have anythin' specific. I just feel like we don't talk about
more serious things. Don't say talking about university counts, 'cause I don't
think it does and I'm not ready to think about that yet," Eggsy warned. He
picked up his wineglass and took a large swallow, in large part due to the
spiciness of the dish.
"Alright," Harry conceded. His eyes swept across the table and then settled
somewhere in the distance. Eggsy saw the moment Harry decided what he'd say. "I
would like to do more than take you rock climbing on this vacation I'm
proposing. Granted, rock climbing would be the icing on the cake, but...I would
like to take you to see the world. Little by little. Not on business trips,
just the two of us. I'd like to walk with you on the beaches of Italy. I'd like
you to experience other languages, other people. And I'd like to be there when
you do." When Harry looked at him again, Eggsy could see the warmth in his gaze
wasn't feigned.
Eggsy hadn't expected Harry's words to hit him so hard. To his embarrassment,
he felt tears start to well up in his eyes before he could look down and keep
his face straight. Lying was easier to do with strangers. If you didn't care
about them, then it didn't matter what their opinion of you was. Eggsy cared
about Harry very much, and so he fretted about the older man's opinion. It made
guilt almost unbearable. "I-... I'd like to do that too. I never thought I'd
get to travel unless I signed up with the forces like my dad, but I knew mum
wouldn't forgive me if I did that. I don't want to go anywhere without you with
me, too. It wouldn't be the same."
Harry reached across the table and squeezed Eggsy's arm. He was sure to know
Eggsy had something on his mind by now, whether it was something specific or
just general insecurity though, Harry probably couldn't guess. But Harry didn't
press at it. He took his hand back and dug into the noodles, continuing on
about the destinations he had in mind, from an island off Greece to the cliffs
of Ireland, even going into some of the great destinations in Austria, many of
which he'd never consider taking either of them without years worth of
experience.
Harry's voice rolled over Eggsy like a balm as he talked, tone smooth and
light, his speech even and unhurried, open to allowing Eggsy to jump in
whenever he so wished, but carrying on even if he didn't.
As Harry talked, Eggsy listened to the list of places grow. Harry knew all of
these places from actually being there, from the details he was supplying.
That, or he knew friends who had been there. Ones that were close enough to
have conveyed much of their experiences to Harry. Eggsy stopped paying strict
attention at some point and began, instead, to consider how Harry had been to
so many places.
Harry had wealth, but not obscene amounts. Or at least Eggsy guessed that was
the case, as he didn't know for certain. He travelled a bit for business, but
many of the places Harry talked about didn't seem like places a tailor would
go, either to source materials or do custom work. Eggsy lifted his wine glass
and drank as he thought, trying to buy some time. If Harry had travelled
frequently for reasons other than work, perhaps he'd simply been bored due to
the fact that he didn't have many people in his life. Or perhaps it was
something deeper.
Eggsy inhaled suddenly and started coughing. A thought had occurred to him, and
while it was too ridiculous to be true, Eggsy couldn't stop thinking about it.
The concealed gun. Old network connections. Lots of money and frequent travel.
Many clients who wanted fancy clothes, came at strange hours, and valued
discreetness. When he recovered, Eggsy stared at Harry and began to fidget.
"Um... can I ask you something? Please?"
Harry frowned. He'd stopped, looking briefly concerned before Eggsy's coughing
fit subsided, but now he just looked puzzled.
"Of course you can." Harry set his fork against the edge of his plate, politely
waiting while Eggsy's eyes darted down to the table and back. Harry had relaxed
into his talk and how he was inspecting Eggsy. Eggsy knew he was re-examining
everything he'd just said followed by Eggsy's reactions, since Harry didn't
seem to be catching on yet.
"I... I'm not tryin' to be insulting, just so you know, but..." Eggsy felt put
on the spot, pinned down by Harry's gaze, but Harry said he could ask. Harry
had always valued his honesty and never yelled at him for anything he said. "Do
you do work for the mafia, or something? Or one of them? With all the traveling
to weird places and the weird hours, and the gun, and gettin' beat up, and-...
I think people in the mafia are all supposed to wear suits and have a lot of
money and be from old families."
Harry blinked. He also froze. And then something happened to his face.
Something that looked odd before Eggsy realised it was a smile, one he was
trying to smother, and then Harry was chortling. His shoulders shook and he
hung his head, but it was no use.
"No, Eggsy." Finally Harry met his eyes again and let the smile show through.
It was warm, not condescending. It didn't look like Harry was taking it badly,
just surprised. "You really think my job is that odd?"
"Not most of it, but some of it is pretty weird, don't you think?" Eggsy was
turning red in embarrassment even though Harry wasn't laughing at him. He was
laughing at the idea. "Being a tailor isn't supposed to be dangerous, but I
worry every time you go on a work trip. Even with you taking defence classes
an' all. I guess the watch is a good idea, because then you have something
sneaky if things go super wrong, but I can't tell if you have to go strange
places or at strange times because rich people are all bonkers, or if it's
because you've got people buying your stuff who need to be sneaky and pay extra
for the sneakiness."
"My clients can...often be a bit 'bonkers' as you so elegantly put it," Harry
chuckled, "but I do have a knack for getting into trouble I think." He
considered over another bite of noodles. "I wouldn't entirely rule out the idea
that some of my clients may not be in perfectly legitimate businesses
themselves. It's something I've thought on before, and perhaps that does lend
an extra element of danger. But if any are, none have divulged such information
to me, nor would I expect them to. One does not talk in those terms of business
and one especially does not ask where one's money is coming from when dealing
with these sorts of people, legitimately wealthy or not."
Harry rested his fork against the plate again. His eyes lingered on Eggsy. "How
long have you been wondering?"
"Since the gun, I guess? I mean, I know veterans get a bit paranoid. No
offense," Eggsy added, flashing Harry a sheepish grin. "I've seen enough of 'em
around to know that. So getting scared a bit makes sense, but I've never seen
you scared since I got here, and it's in a weird spot. And there's the watch
and you being gone more at weird times, and you've been so many places and I
don't think many of those do fabric, so you're not buyin' stuff and can't be
always on vacation neither. So that means being hired by strange, paranoid
people? I dunno. You come back with bruises and stuff, and I was just watchin'
some gangster movies the other day, and that happens to people the gangsters
interact with sometimes, even if they're not in the mafia."
Harry laughed and shook his head. "Well, you've added a lot up there. I'm sorry
to say it, but my life isn't quite that interesting." Harry sounded like he was
chiding himself. His tone was directed inwardly and the half-smile on his face
didn't falter, but Eggsy felt there was a sadness to it. One that he couldn't
put his finger on. Some part of Harry had been surprised and then subdued at
this line of questions. Maybe it was just that he thought Eggsy was having
doubts about him.... Maybe it was that he really did think his life wasn't
interesting enough for Eggsy's tastes. Eggsy did have a lot of ideas about what
was cool and what wasn't, being almost ten and having grown up in a certain
culture, one very different from Harry's.
"I don't care if it's not interesting. I didn't want you to be with the mafia,
anyways." Eggsy didn't know how to react to Harry's sadness. Harry was the
strong one, the one who was always upbeat and optimistic. He consoled Eggsy,
not the other way around. Eggsy couldn't even tell why Harry had a slightly
melancholy air to him, but he could feel it just the same. "I don't understand
why you have to go to work at such odd times, though, or travel so much. I
don't like it because you're gone, but it's worse because I'm worried about you
while I miss you. I didn't before, but I keep thinking about that one time you
got mugged."
"I know, Eggsy...." Harry's eyes dropped to his fork, twirling idly in the
noodles. "I don't like making this so hard on you, but I'm.... I'm afraid I've
built my life up around this kind of work." His eyes raised again. It was
unlike Harry to back down for long, to let himself succumb to whatever was
bothering him. "Leaving it behind would be very difficult. But...it's not all
bad. After all, I could have been mugged any day walking down the street. Even
in the middle of London. You must know that?"
"In the fancy parts of town? I doubt it. Too many bobbies and security cameras
and stuff. Nobody cares if poor people get robbed, in poor areas. Everyone
cares if rich people get robbed, because they can pay enough to make people
care." Eggsy's words were a bit slurred around the edges. The wine Harry had
given him had loosened his tongue and given him an extra burst of bravery while
stripping away his caution and tact. "I'm not askin' you to quit, Harry. You
really like being a tailor. I can tell that much. Doesn't mean I ain't gonna
worry about you and miss you when you're gone."
Harry did have the grace to look guilty at that. He reached across the table
and laid his hand over Eggsy's arm, squeezing lightly. "I'm sorry for that. I
really am. But you know that even if I were to stay here, I'd hardly limit
myself to the neighbourhood. Think about where you met me." Harry winked.
That was something that had to be conceded. Harry had visited Eggsy's stomping
grounds with barely a second thought, or had seemed to at the time. Eggsy
hadn't seen him go back there of course, not even to visit his old friend, but
Harry made it sound like that wasn't so unusual for him.
"I guess. We should hurry up with getting me signed up for defence classes,
then. So I can protect you when you wander into my kinda neighbourhoods." Eggsy
straightened up and tried to look fearsome. Underneath the bravado was fear and
dependency - not all that unusual for a small boy who'd gone through a lot and
felt a great deal of insecurity. "Everyone'll be too busy looking at you to pay
attention to me until I knock 'em out."
Harry snorted, but he was smiling again. Really smiling.
"You might be onto something there, you know. No one would suspect someone your
age would pose much of a threat." Harry twirled a good amount of noodles onto
his fork and lifted them.
"Wouldn't see you coming, either. You could slip into all sorts of places
unnoticed, if they were the right sort of places...." Harry chewed in thought,
the undertone of melancholy replaced with something more upbeat. "You could be
very formidable indeed."
"I could be a ninja." Eggsy's imagination seized upon the idea, and his mood
immediately lifted. Harry was happy again, and he was playing along with the
idea that Eggsy could swoop in and save him. The boy didn't think it was that
fantastical of an idea: he was small, and he was sneaky. "Maybe I'll do that
someday, huh? Sneak up on the bad guys and rescue you. What kind of reward
would I get?"
"Well I imagine I would be ever so grateful...," Harry's eyes darkened and he
was unsuccessful at hiding his widening smile behind his wine glass. If he was
truly trying. "that you could probably ask for whatever you wanted. Or maybe
I'd sweep you off to a quiet corner and thank you in my own way." Harry set the
glass down, perfectly composed but for the curl to his lip. He had a way with
doing that, seeming completely at ease while turning a conversation down lewd
paths.
Eggsy failed to have even that tiny measure of a disguise to hide his thoughts.
Between the wine, his youth, and how relaxed he felt around Harry, he openly
stared with no small amount of longing. Harry as a tailor who worked for the
mob was exciting in its own way, but Harry as the person demonstrating
gratitude and affection to his saviour? Something else entirely. "What about...
if I haven't saved you yet, but I promise to in the future?"
"Looking for your reward early?" Harry chided, but then considered. He really
drew it out, too, pursing his lips and looking Eggsy over, swirling his wine
glass before he took another sip. Harry was likely trying to guess what Eggsy
had in mind just as much as he was doing it for show. "I suppose I might be
amenable to that.... However, as my future knight in shining armour, you'd have
to promise to be there when I well and truly need you. Whenever it's most
important. Do you think you can do that?"
Eggsy tried to be solemn, but his smile was a bit too wide and he nodded
quickly. "Uh huh, I can do that. You'll have to make sure I know where to find
you, though. I can't do it if you're on a business trip and I'm back here
mindin' the house. Ok?"
The boy hadn't even done anything yet, and he was already swelling up with
pride. He'd made a promise. He'd worried about Harry before, but now it was a
done deal. Harry had done everything he could to help him when Dean was being
terrible, and when he was cold and didn't have a proper coat, and a million
other things. If he trained hard, someday he'd be the one to help Harry.
"Ok,” Harry replied with a smile. “It's a deal then. I'll amend that to
whenever you are able."
***** Chapter 24 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Eggsy felt a shoe knock against his underneath the table. Harry had subdued his
smile, but not fully. It morphed into something secret, something enticing. He
looked like he would remember this moment as much as Eggsy would. "You still
need to tell me, however, what your reward should be."
Harry's shoe drew up against Eggsy's again, catching against his ankle and
moving even higher. The first time Harry had done that, Eggsy had laughed. He'd
thought it was a joke, something he'd played at with other kids before for a
laugh when they couldn't sit still so their parents wouldn't notice. With Harry
though, came an entirely different meaning.
"Well... I get to be taller. You'll have to get down on your knees to be short
enough, I think." Eggsy's tongue darted out and swiped across his lips while he
thought. Thinking was difficult when Harry's shoe was slowly inching up his
leg. "And you get to tell me how relieved you were to see me, and how awesome I
was at kicking the bad guys' arses. And then you'll kiss me a lot to start,
'cause that's what's supposed to happen when you rescue someone."
Eggsy's eyes turned up towards the ceiling and his expression turned ponderous.
"We'll need some rope, too. For you to hang onto. 'Cause the bad guys will have
tied you up, maybe for ransom or something. I won't have time to untie you, so
I'll just have to lead you to safety with the rope all the way back home."
"Very convenient for you." Harry's chin dipped and the toe of his shoe hooked
around Eggsy's leg, massaging as it slid slowly down again. "Would you be a
gentleman and untie me? Or would you leave me in such a state? I'd hardly be in
any position to complain...and I'd surely be grateful anyhow...." Harry cocked
his head. The intensity of his gaze didn't lessen at the suggestion. It was
more like Harry was tempting him, maybe because Harry liked it when Eggsy got
all worked up--as Eggsy knew he did--or maybe he was testing Eggsy's
boundaries. Harry had never offered him something and then taken it back
afterwards though. He'd tempted Eggsy far more than he'd ever tested him.
"Hmmm... I'd try, but I wouldn't be able to get the knots untied." Eggsy was
having fun with his hero fantasy, despite the fact that they were only talking
about it. Being taller and more powerful than Harry was a rush to think about.
So was the idea of having Harry tied up and leading him around by the rope,
although Eggsy had no idea why. Maybe it was that it increased the sense of
power the boy had, or that it meant that Harry couldn't stray too far away from
him. "You don't mind, right? That I wouldn't be able to get you untied right
away? I'd find scissors or somethin' later."
Harry pursed his lips in thought again. "If it was you, I don't think I'd mind.
After all, you've won my trust, my devotion...what's a little bit of rope in
the way?" The look on Harry's face made Eggsy suspect he knew exactly what the
boy was thinking. Harry probably even knew about the squirming sensation it was
causing deep in his belly. "We'd have to get home as quick as possible. With
all the excitement, we might have even forgotten about it until then." Harry
took a long sip of wine, breaking eye contact. Somehow, he kept a straight face
when he added, "And by then, I don't know if I'd be able to contain myself."
Eggsy wasn't able to keep himself from giggling. If he'd known how well Harry
played along with pretend games, he would have started playing with Harry a
long time ago. "Well, you'd better, because I'd be in charge. We'd come back
and..." Eggsy paused and his brow furrowed. "Well, I'd guess you'd be taller
than me coming back here, because you'd have to walk and I couldn't carry you.
But then you'd sit on the couch, and I'd sit on your lap, and we'd share the
same glass of wine. I'd have to help, maybe, because of your hands and all.
You'd kiss my neck a lot, and I'd make you promise to not do dangerous stuff
again... but I wouldn't mind, because then I could save you again."
"My hero." Affection read loud and clear in the crinkle of Harry's eyes. His
foot slid down Eggsy's leg until he finally let go and pushed his plate back,
finished. He glanced at Eggsy out of the corner of his eye while dabbing at his
mouth with the napkin. He had that look in his eye, the one that said he was
most definitely up to something. "What do you say we make a trip down to the
garage and see if I still have any rope in that old box of tools?"
Eggsy nodded. He slid off of his chair and wobbled a bit as he stood. Harry
hadn't been stingy with the wine, and while it was only one glass, it had been
quite a lot of wine for a very small boy. Harry drew closer and Eggsy ended up
leaning against him to aid his own balance, which ruined a bit of the fantasy
of control. "Yeah, let's go look. Although you know... you don't have to if you
don't want to, Harry. I don't know how to tie knots anyways."
"Then I'll have to give you a lesson, won't I?"
Harry didn't look at all unsure about this. His eyes fairly twinkled in the
light of the hall. He made Eggsy wait for him at the top of the stairs while he
looked in the garage and came back with what looked like a very sturdy rope.
The sight of Harry walking up the stairs, holding it looped in his hands,
shadows falling onto his face in the dim stairwell.... He didn't much look like
a damsel in distress just then. Even when he stopped there and looked up at
Eggsy, several steps lower, making him only a few inches taller.
"This is more like it then, isn't it?" Harry asked softly as he let out the
slack in his hands, holding it out to show Eggsy.
"Yeah. You sure you don't mind?" The Eggsy in the boy's fantasy had been
described as bold and deftly skilled. Eggsy didn't look secure and confident.
Shyness had crept back into the lines of his body, and his eyes were full of
longing. They were almost the same height like this, but Harry was too far away
for Eggsy to reach out and kiss him. Harry had more of an air of danger about
him than Eggsy did, half hidden in shadows as he was. "We can stop whenever you
want, I just... thought it'd be fun. To have you be the one needin' rescuing
for once."
Harry took a step up and then another, but he sank to his knees as he went.
"I'd very much like to do this." Harry leaned in at the same time he caught
Eggsy's hands, letting him feel the rope. Harry's kiss was as light as the
braid of the rope against his hands. It wasn't a tease. It was a taste of what
was to come.
Harry still looked more like the villain than the damsel when he pulled back,
it was something about the little smile on his face, but he looped one length
of the rope around his wrist and then the other, letting Eggsy watch as he did
so several times both between his hands and over their sides. "Now, take hold
of the ends there and bring them together, like you're going to tie a normal
knot, but loop it like so...." With too much slack so that Harry could hold it,
he showed Eggsy the knot before he held up his hands for Eggsy to try.
Getting it right proved more difficult than Eggsy had anticipated. He copied
what he'd seen Harry do, but the rope failed to knot at all. Harry patiently
talked him through it, and when Eggsy finally managed to tie the same knot
himself, it was too loose to be any good. Only after a couple more tries did
Eggsy get something that looked decent.
Harry could easily slip out of it, but it was the appearance of the thing that
counted. This was a game, after all.
"I'm sorry I didn't rescue you before those pirates tied you up," Eggsy said
once the rope was secure and Harry was humouring him with a smile. "I can cut
them off later, but right now we should get you back hom-... back to our secret
base so you can recover. Can you walk, or do you need me to carry you?"
A dazed look came over Harry very suddenly and before Eggsy could ask what was
wrong, he listed to the side until his shoulder hit the wall. Harry groaned and
let his other shoulder drop, cradling his arm as best he could with his wrists
tied. "They got my arm, I'm too hurt to move much." Harry looked up at Eggsy
with large, pleading eyes, and somehow the shadow looked softer across his face
before he leaned up, lifting himself just enough. "Not too much to do this
though," Harry whispered before he kissed the corner of Eggsy's mouth and let
the boy see a hint of a smile before his face contorted in pain and he faked
another groan.
Eggsy was delighted. Elation passed across his face before his chest puffed out
and he gave Harry a considering look. "Hmm, that's no good. That's no good at
all. I'll have to get your shirt off to take a closer look once we get back.
Don't worry, I'll take care of you. Just come here."
Eggsy beckoned, and after a few moments he got Harry's tied arms looped around
his diminutive shoulders. They proceeded slowly up the stairs like that, Eggsy
pretending to carry his much bigger lover while Harry tried to keep his balance
as he played along.
Harry had to bend down and lean into Eggsy to do it--Eggsy's arms wrapped
around his middle weren't all that much support--but they ambled down the hall
like that until Harry could be deposited onto the couch with another groan. He
kicked the coffee table back and out of the way so that Eggsy could climb up
beside him while Harry sprawled his legs out and let himself slump down. Harry
let his head roll to the side and look up at Eggsy. He looked exhausted and
when he spoke, it was soft and with just the right amount of hitch in his
voice. "I'd never have made it out if it weren't for you." Before Eggsy could
reply, Harry lifted a hand to Eggsy's cheek, affecting a look of awe and
gratitude.
Eggsy climbed atop Harry's lap and started to fuss over him, all under the
pretence of checking for wounds and comforting Harry over his scare. Small
fingers mussed the older man's hair, traced the lines in his face, and Eggsy
laughed when a hint of stubble scraped across his palms. He got Harry's tie
undone and his inspection began to shift lower; Eggsy insisted on looking very
closely at every inch of skin that was exposed, exclaiming over imaginary
bruises and cuts, and then kissing or caressing them all better. They only ran
into a problem once the front row of buttons was all undone. Harry's hands were
still tied, and so the shirt had to be left as it was.
"You mostly look ok, but I haven't looked everywhere yet."
"Best to be thorough." Harry's lips curled. "But first, let me thank you
properly." With one swift movement, Harry looped his arms over Eggsy's head so
that he could pull Eggsy against him. Pretending to ignore the pain, Harry
arched up and kissed Eggsy. It was slow and sweet at first, like Harry believed
he had all the time in the world now that he was 'safe'. "The way you looked,
vanquishing those dastardly pirates..." Harry's smile curled and his eyes
darkened, "I could hardly wait for you to take me home." Eggsy could see there
was a hint of amusement in his eyes still, but the way Harry could make his
voice so breathless...he could have been an actor. When Harry kissed him again,
his tongue slipped into Eggsy's mouth.
Eggsy startled and gave a short, muffled laugh before humming his agreement. He
chased Harry's tongue back into his mouth. That was a mistake; Harry only had
to suck lightly to trap him there, although he relented quickly. "I-... um, I
couldn't wait to get you home neither. I got so mad, none of them should've
touched you. You're my boyfriend." Eggsy turned a suspicious eye toward Harry.
"None of them tried to kiss you or nothin', did they? I'd understand why, if
they did. But then I'd have to go fix every spot they touched."
"Oh no," Harry replied, "I made sure they knew who had that right and they
didn't dare touch me after that. Well, that and I'd have punched them in the
face, but that's neither here nor there." Harry shrugged and looked a little
sheepish before he got back into character. His tied hands grasped the front of
Eggsy's shirt and pulled him in again. "Still couldn't have done it without
you," Harry said as he pressed his mouth to Eggsy's, this time letting the kiss
wander down to his neck and shoulder. Below him, Eggsy could feel Harry's
interest stirring.
"Well, that's good that I don't have to go beat them up again for touchin'
you," Eggsy murmured. "Haven't finished making sure you're ok yet though. Not
checked what's underneath your trousers." Eggsy tugged on the end of the rope
binding Harry's hands and smiled at the way his wrists got pulled along. He
shifted some of his weight onto his knees so he could slide back and forth
across Harry's lap, knowing full well how much of a tease it was. "Just lay
back and relax, right? Should only take me a minute to get the rest off. I'm
not goin' anywhere."
Harry let out a soft breath. "You'll have to do it for me." His hips ground up
against Eggsy in little thrusts, catching on Eggsy's movement, and Eggsy could
feel Harry swelling even bigger beneath him. The length of muscle slotted in
between his cheeks through both layers of their clothing and Harry let his
upper body relax, going limp like he wasn't about to help. He could move his
hips just fine though, and with that, Eggsy might be able to take off his
trousers without too much trouble.
"I don't mind. Doesn't look like you do neither." Eggsy slid off of Harry and
smiled at the stifled groan he received. Harry had patience and knew how to
draw things out, but he lamented the cooling space that Eggsy had vacated. The
boy's fingers deftly undid Harry's belt and the buttons of his trousers, and
with some cooperation they managed to get them down his hips. For a moment
Harry was stuck in a ridiculous state of partial undress while Eggsy knelt down
on the floor to untie and remove his shoes, and then the trousers finished
their journey to the floor.
That left him in just half his shirt and his shorts, the black, fitted ones
Eggsy always thought he looked good in. Right then they were tented at the
front with obvious interest.
"I think I might need your help with that as well," Harry breathed. It should
not have been seductive. He should have looked fairly ridiculous with his hands
bound and his hair tousled, slouched on the seat in his pants, but the look on
Harry's face changed all that. He looked as though, were he not tied up, he'd
very much like to simply grab Eggsy and take exactly what he wanted.
Eggsy loved it, but he'd also experienced a bit of that already. He wanted to
be the one taking what he wanted, and the only way he could do that was if they
made it a game and Harry played along. They both knew he wasn't big enough or
strong enough to do some of the things Harry had done to him.
The boy stroked his palm over the shaft just hidden beneath soft black fabric.
An impish smile started to creep across his mouth, particularly as he felt the
man harden and twitch underneath his hand and one spot on Harry's shorts
started growing damp. "I dunno. I kinda like you like this."
"Do you, now?" Harry sank down a little farther, spreading himself out a little
more for Eggsy. "You still haven't inspected all of me though. Did you know one
of the most dangerous areas a person can receive a wound is along the vein that
runs between the juncture of groin and thigh? I could be bleeding out and you'd
never know it." Harry shifted his hips suggestively, smile widening. "Won't you
save me one last time?"
"You don't feel like you're bleeding. Leakin', maybe," Eggsy laughed. Harry's
suggestion that Eggsy save him gave the boy another tempting idea, though. He
leaned forward, trying in vain to enjoy the view and watch Harry's reactions at
the same time. "I think I know how to fix that, though. Do you want me to fix
it for you?"
Harry raised an amused brow. "Whatever you have in mind, if it helps...." He
shifted his hips again, feeling Eggsy's hand rub against the material.
At this point, Harry would have had his hands on Eggsy long ago. He'd have
moved Eggsy where he'd wanted, done what he wanted. Harry was a considerate
lover, and if Eggsy wanted to move where he liked, Harry let him, but there was
no question that Harry was the one who led their encounters. Unless it was on
the rare occasion that Eggsy surprised him.
The tips of Eggsy's fingers slipped behind Harry's waistband, and with some
coordination Harry's pants joined his trousers on the floor. Eggsy took a
moment to appreciate the view, slowly gaining a look of concentration. The
difference in sizes between them made a number of things difficult, and Eggsy
wanted to impress Harry.
"Turn and lie down across the couch, alright?" Standing was too awkward, and
kneeling made the angle wrong. Kneeling would have gone against the fantasy
Eggsy was spinning, besides, and so he waited for Harry to scoot over until he
was draped lengthwise across the couch before climbing back atop his legs.
Eggsy's fingers wrapped around the length of Harry's cock and he lowered his
head.
Harry let out a sigh as Eggsy's mouth closed over the tip. Eggsy felt the
muscles in his legs bunch, but Harry didn't move even if he was tempted to.
"That's it," Harry whispered. "Thank youthankyouthankyou...." He hadn't
forgotten the charade, not even with Eggsy's mouth halfway down his cock, hands
gripping over the base and massaging where he couldn't reach. If Harry was
tempted to toss the act aside, he didn't show it. Hints of reality slipped
through, but Harry kept going back to their little fiction. His bound hands
wound in Eggsy's hair, just holding on and letting Eggsy do what he wanted.
Eggsy couldn't go very deep. Not for lack of trying, but he was forced to back
off with a coughing fit when he tried to mimic what Harry had done to him
before. Eggsy was disappointed but knew that there was nothing for it; his jaw
already ached as it was. What was effortless for Harry took quite a bit of
concentration for Eggsy to do right.
The bitterness of precum coated the boy's tongue. Eggsy didn't like it at
first, but the longer he sucked at Harry, the better it seemed to get. The
taste disappeared, and Eggsy was left only with a familiar scent of musk.
Harry was squirming under him in no time at all, never enough to interrupt
Eggsy, just enough to release some tension. The way he moaned Eggsy's name
now.... It was a little different than he usually did. He sounded...needy.
Harry sounded breathless and with the way he was restraining himself, he almost
sounded like he really was at Eggsy's mercy, willing to give whatever Eggsy
wanted, wanting Eggsy to take more. How Harry could pitch all that in one
little word.... He shouldn't have been so good at it, but he was.
Eggsy didn't know what was real and what was faked. The two started to blend
together, as things sometimes did when playing games. Eggsy forgot, to a
certain degree, that Harry needed to play along for this to happen. He felt
like he was in control. Eggsy didn't resent Harry being in control all the
other times they had sex, but experiencing a reversal was intoxicating. The
more breathless sounds of pleasure reached his ears, the more enthusiastic and
confident Eggsy became. He wanted to see what he could do to Harry.
When Harry started whimpering was when Eggsy knew he really had him. Harry may
have been playing some of it, keeping himself restrained, but Eggsy knew that
sound and he knew if he kept at it he could get Harry off like that. Even
Harry's long fingers in his hair were loose, never guiding, just holding on. If
Eggsy raised his head, Harry would let them fall.
The most unusual thing now was perhaps that Eggsy was the only one still
clothed. That had never happened before. Many times Harry had stripped Eggsy
down without bothering to undress himself, or sometimes he got only partially
undressed before the hurry was too much and he didn't care any longer. It was
something Harry might have even sort of liked when it happened.
Eggsy increased his efforts. Being clothed both enhanced and detracted from the
experience. He felt more powerful than Harry, for once, but for the boy, the
loss of skin-to-skin contact wasn't worth it. Never mind that Harry was
quivering under his hands and filling his mouth; Eggsy liked it when they were
pressed against one another.
The boy tilted his head up just a little. He wanted to see what he did to
Harry, as well as hear and feel it. Watching Harry climax was something he
never tired of doing.
Harry pressed the back of his head into the cushion and arched. His mouth fell
open and the whimpers stopped, but the way he was gasping was familiar with
short, hard bursts of air. Eggsy could see the muscles in his neck tighten as
Harry drew close. His spine arched. Harry's hands clenched. Eggsy kept going,
but for the briefest minute Harry held on tight before he came.
Harry's hands relaxed the moment Eggsy's mouth filled with his release. His
gasps lengthened and his body slumped, emphasizing just how tight Harry had
been wound for the past several minutes. His hands stroked through Eggsy's hair
and Harry turned his head, looking down the length of his body to catch Eggsy's
eye. Harry looked blissed out, but happy. His thumb brushed against the corner
of Eggsy's mouth where his lips were reddened.
"Thank you," Harry said breathlessly, and Eggsy knew he hadn't forgotten the
role.
Eggsy had swallowed reflexively and he wasn't quite able to keep himself from
pulling a face. The boy had gotten used to many things, but the taste and
texture of semen was something he didn't think he'd ever fully adjust to.
"You're welcome. Let's see if... if we can get you out of that rope, yeah?"
Eggsy didn't know how to continue the game after that. He fiddled with the
knots near Harry's wrists and started to undo them, but he kept glancing up to
get another look at Harry. Harry was gorgeous, relaxed and happy and with all
the careful professional lines smudged, dishevelled, and undressed to reveal
the man underneath. Eggsy's throat tightened with emotion and he dropped down
to hug the older man around his middle. "...love, you, Harry. Y'know that,
right?"
Very slowly, the happy warmth on Harry's face changed as Eggsy's sincerity sank
in. Eggsy couldn't describe the look at first, but it gradually became apparent
that it was something akin to awe. He had to turn his head up to see it, but
even at the odd angle, he was sure he wasn't reading Harry wrong.
Harry slipped free of the rest of the rope and let his hands fall to Eggsy's
back, then cradled his head. It didn't look quite like Harry had known. Or
expected him to say it, because Harry must have known. Harry was so good at
reading people and Harry knew Eggsy better than anyone these days. Still, that
didn't seem to lessen the impact.
"Eggsy....I love you, too," Harry said, quietly. "I've loved you...for a long
time."
Eggsy warmed from the inside out. Happiness filled him until his skin nearly
glowed, mirrored in his smile. Everything was working out. Harry hadn't been
angry with him for his speculation about the mafia, or for being curious and
asking questions. Harry had played along with his games, and he'd been able to
get Harry off all by himself. Hearing that Harry had loved him for a long time
made things even better. "Thanks for playin' with me. I know you like bein' in
charge of things, but... that was nice."
"Oh, I haven't finished thanking you yet." Harry's tone suddenly shifted into
something playful. His gaze turned lecherous. "We'll have to get you out of
these clothes first though." Harry's finger pulled at the collar of Eggsy's
shirt. He bent and kissed Eggsy, lingering on his mouth. Harry was still filled
with endorphins and it showed. "What do you say I return the favour, hm?"
Shifting up, Harry caught Eggsy around the middle and worked a hand under his
shirt, splaying over the small of his back.
Eggsy squirmed and dissolved into giggles. He didn't object when Harry tugged
the edges of his shirt upward, or when fingers dipped underneath the waistband
of his trousers to tease. Being the focus of Harry's attention always felt
good, but most especially when Eggsy knew that something pleasurable was going
to come from it. "Maybe we should see how long it takes you to get tired. Like
that one time. I think you cheated before."
"I cheated?" Harry's mouth fell open. "How did I cheat?" The astonished look
vanished a second later as Harry undid Eggsy's trousers and pulled them down
his hips, pants and all. He had to sit up and lay Eggsy down on the couch
underneath him to do so, and Harry got a particularly devilish glint in his eye
while he did it. His mouth descended to Eggsy's neck, kissing down to his
collar bone and tasting the skin there. Harry never really got over his desire
to have his mouth on Eggsy, anywhere he could put it.
"I dunno, but you had to have done. I dunno how you could have won otherwise,
because I got all tired and you seemed just fine. Maybe 'cause you weren't
getting off too." Eggsy turned his head and arched to give Harry better access.
He loved Harry's mouth on him and would have been content to let Harry indulge
in that particular sort of pleasure every day. "You don't seem to get tired
much at all, in fact, unless you've had a really rough time at work. I didn't
think tailoring would wear you out quicker than I can."
"With my customers, you'd be surprised," Harry mumbled, moving lower. His eyes
flashed up to Eggsy, fairly glittering in the light. "Ask me how sore my jaw is
tomorrow." With a grin, he ducked his head and began licking a trail down to
Eggsy's stirring cock, teasing around it and watching Eggsy's impatience mount
before Harry took it into his mouth.
Eggsy would never get used to this. His jaw dropped every time at the
sensation. Harry's mouth was warm, wet, and he gave just the right amount of
pressure and suction. Eggsy held on and let himself drown in all of it,
shivering every time Harry's tongue moved. Strong hands held the boy in place
and he felt... safe. Loved.
Harry was the best thing in Eggsy's life, and Eggsy could no longer imagine
life without him.
Harry had Eggsy melting in his hands and the boy's voice echoing off the walls,
lost to that notion, lost in that moment. Under Harry's hands, he became an
instrument, one that Harry played with devotion, with gentleness and ferocity
alike, taking Eggsy to the edge of pleasure like a heady drug. With Harry atop
him, Eggsy was flying. In this moment, in those that came before it, Harry was
giving him so much. And there was nowhere else Harry would rather be.
Minutes later, Eggsy had gone breathless and limp, all spent. He'd tugged Harry
up until the older man curled around him, big spoon nestled protectively around
its smaller companion. Safety and warmth were two things Eggsy heavily
associated with Harry, and he loved that Harry was never shy about expressing
his affection in a physical way. "...that was a pretty good thank you."
Harry hummed contentedly behind him and kissed Eggsy's shoulder. Harry pulled a
blanket from the back of the couch down around them and tucked Eggsy into it,
content just to lay like that for now. "I'm glad you thought so."
The only sounds after that was the quiet tick of the grandfather clock in the
corner and Harry's low breathing. Eggsy felt more kisses over the back of his
neck, but gradually they tapered off as Harry settled. "Going to keep you,
always, just like this...," Harry whispered, more asleep than awake.
Eggsy liked that thought. Part of him had wondered if Harry would ever grow
tired of him, or be impatient because he was older and knew some things Eggsy
didn't. Neither seemed to be in danger of happening. "Good. I want you to." The
tick of the clock was soothing and faintly hypnotising. Minutes passed before
Eggsy spoke again. "Harry? Will we be able to talk about stuff and kiss in
public and all that when I'm older? Or will people think it's weird 'cause you
adopted me and all?"
Unfortunately for Eggsy, no response came but a light snore.
Harry's arms were still wrapped comfortably around him. He could even feel the
warmth of Harry's breath on the back of his neck and the tickle of Harry's nose
pressed up against his hair. He must have been very relaxed. Or maybe Harry was
tired after he came home from work that day, too. Whatever it was, Eggsy would
have to wait to get his answer.
===============================================================================
It could have been Eggsy's imagination, but over the next few weeks, Harry
seemed to watch him and engage with him more closely. Rather than give Eggsy
access to Harry's computer, the older man went out and bought Eggsy his own for
his birthday. Eggsy began to get homework of sorts to keep him occupied -
nothing like school drudgery, but Harry wanted to hear about what he'd been up
to each day or see what Eggsy had learned about some topics Harry had told him
to explore online or in the encyclopaedia set.
The sudden influx of preoccupying tasks roused Eggsy’s feelings of suspicion
again. It could very well be that Harry was trying to keep him from being bored
over a summer with limited access to his school friends or skate parks. Or it
could have been that Harry didn't want Eggsy exploring Harry's things and
asking questions.
On the days when Harry was gone for several in a row, he made sure to give
Eggsy enough cash to visit his friends if he wanted to, and then some extra.
That was certainly encouraging since Eggsy's seeing them had gone from an
everyday occurrence to only a couple times a week. It made sense that Harry
would worry about him being lonely all by himself in the house...but there was
the possibility that Harry was now uncomfortable with Eggsy looking through
things.
What things, Eggsy had no idea besides the computer. If indeed Harry did feel
that way, which he'd never admitted to. Harry's work schedule was as busy as
ever, and there was no question that Harry knew how it made Eggsy feel and
tried to make up for it.
It was one such weekend that Harry was away that Eggsy's curiosity began to eat
away at him again.
A cursory look through bookshelves and several drawers surfaced nothing. Boring
papers, conventional phone numbers, junk mail, receipts, all the detritus one
would expect in a household and none of it pointing towards anything unusual or
new. Some drawers were locked, particularly in Harry's office. Eggsy didn't
know what to make of that, but that didn't seem very unusual either.
Eggsy wandered into Harry's closet and found a locked fireproof safe tucked
into one corner. He hadn't stumbled across any keys in his search, so the hope
of gaining a peek inside was slim indeed. Instead, the boy's gaze wandered to
the clothing hung around him. He'd been living with Harry for so long that he'd
seen more of the outfits there, excepting some of the more formal black-tie
ones. Temptation became a little too much, and Eggsy began shucking out of his
clothes and wandered to his bedroom to find his own suit that Harry had bought
for him.
Putting everything on by himself took some doing, but once it was done, he
snuck back into Harry's closet and borrowed one of Harry's ties and a pair of
too-large dress shoes. He stepped back out into the bedroom and, for good
measure, went to the drawer in the dresser where he knew Harry kept a pair of
glasses that either had to be a spare set or an older prescription he no longer
used. He slipped into the shoes and looped the tie around his neck, then went
to stand in front of the body-length mirror. To Eggsy's surprise, the glasses
didn't distort his vision when he put them on. They weren't prescription at
all.
That was...odd, to say the least. Harry wore them in the house sometimes, so he
didn't think they could be just for show. Even though Harry did look really
good in them. Eggsy supposed he hadn't seen Harry use them for reading much. He
didn't know when people started needing reading glasses, but he figured Harry
would be a bit young for that still.
Odd as it was, it worked out for him because he could still see himself clearly
in the mirror with them on. They were big on him, but if he pushed them
tighter, the glasses held. Practical or not, they certainly weren't flimsy.
With his suit and Harry's tie and shoes and those glasses, Eggsy could turn
this way and that in front of the mirror, lift his head with confidence, put on
a little smile, and imagine what he'd look like when he was taller, standing
shoulder to shoulder with Harry.
Eggsy tried to mimic ways that he'd seen Harry stand or move. He always had an
air of confidence about him that made Eggsy more than a little envious. He
didn't think Harry had ever really been told bad things about himself or had to
deal with bullies. If he had, Eggsy couldn't see any signs of it. Harry moved
through the world like he owned it and was simply too gracious to draw overmuch
attention to the fact.
Harry's shoes proved too large for Eggsy to handle. He tripped while trying to
strike a pose and stumbled into the bedroom mirror. He heard the shoes click
together while he tried to regain his footing and, suddenly worried that he'd
managed to scuff them, Eggsy glanced down.
A knife glittered just beyond the toe of one shoe. A knife with a strangely
discoloured edge, greenish instead of the pure silver of polished steel.
Eggsy's whole body went cold. He stared, frozen, seeing the knife in front of
him and waiting for his brain to catch up and make sense of it. He hadn't
stepped on it. It hadn't fallen on the floor from anywhere else. It was there
sticking out of his--Harry's--shoe like it had every right to be and Eggsy just
didn't understand, but it sent a shiver up his spine all the same. Why was
there a knife sticking out of Harry's shoe?
Harry hadn't told him about this. Even after the watch, Harry hadn't said
anything. He'd promised Eggsy he would tell him if there was anything else in
the house like that, and Harry hadn't told him about this.
When Eggsy kicked the shoe off and bent down to look, the glasses slipped off
his face and fell onto the carpet.
Eggsy grabbed them without thinking, more concerned with the knife than
anything else. He saw a flicker in the corner of his vision and reflexively
dropped the glasses again, afraid that some other object was going to turn into
a danger without him being prepared.
The glasses landed back on the floor. One side looked perfectly normal, while
the other had a faint blue glow to them - not enough to light up the carpet,
but enough that Eggsy could tell that something was different. The boy sat on
the floor a good distance from the knife-bearing shoe, removed and threw the
other one for good measure, and turned his attention to the glasses.
The outside looked like regular glass, but the inside looked like some sort of
screen. Eggsy knew he must have grabbed something to turn it on, but he
couldn't figure out what. Eggsy's stomach tightened even further.
Two faint lines of text hovered over the far right corner: "Record" and
"Library".
He wouldn't have been able to see it if he hadn't held the glasses up to his
face. He took them off again and ran his fingers over the frames, but he
couldn't figure out what he'd done. There was nothing on the sides or the top,
but then when Eggsy felt along the bottom, right where someone might hold their
glasses to adjust them, he found the slightest indentation of a button.
Wary, Eggsy let his finger run over it, deciding what to do. He held it away
from his face before he pressed the button, just to see what would happen.
"Record" highlighted. Eggsy pressed again and the text and glow of the screen
faded. For a second it looked like he'd turned them off before he noticed a
faint red light blinking in the same corner. When Eggsy pressed the button
again, the menu returned.
Harry's glasses recorded whatever he was looking at. The thought sunk into
Eggsy until he felt like he'd been submerged in ice water. Eggsy tried to
remember when Harry put his glasses down and when he didn't, but all of his
memories blurred. Harry had worn his glasses more often than not, and Eggsy had
assumed that was because he needed them to see.
See him. See what he was doing. A spike of anxiety hit him and he felt along
the edge of the glasses for the button, searching for a way to get access to
the library listed in the digital menu. He had to know. He had to see it.
Another two presses and it worked. "Library" highlighted before half a dozen
thumbnails, each with a little moving preview, popped up in a list on the
screen. Eggsy saw himself in only two of them, once as he was talking
animatedly at Harry who was standing somewhere between the hall and the living
room. Eggsy remembered what he was wearing from just a few days ago and
recognised the moment; Harry had just come home from work. Another was of them
walking down the street together, Harry glancing down at Eggsy as they moved.
That had been them on their way to a film a week ago.
The others Eggsy didn't recognise from the previews. Some were dark. Some were
of men in suits with faces Eggsy didn't know. One, however, Eggsy did recognise
after it played long enough for him to catch sight of the front door to Harry's
shop. He found he could scroll through and select them by clicking the button,
and Eggsy selected that one. It filled both screens after that, like some kind
of virtual reality game of Harry going into work.
Tentatively, Eggsy put the glasses back on to see Harry greeting the man Eggsy
knew as Dagonet and heading back to one of the dressing rooms. It was
strange...seeing the shop from Harry's perspective so high up, but for Harry
this looked like life as usual. He moved without hesitation, closing the door
behind him and moving up to the mirror.
For a second Eggsy thought it was the same mirror that he'd...well, the same
mirror that he'd held onto when Harry brought him there last Christmas, but it
wasn't. He could see Harry's reflection now. It looked like Harry was looking
at himself, maybe making sure he was presentable for work or something, but
then he lifted a hand to the mirror and...something happened.
A light glowed beneath Harry's hand. Something flashed, and then the walls were
moving upwards. Harry, however, stood perfectly still until the light under his
hand faded, and it was only when he turned around, losing sight of himself in
the mirror, that Eggsy realised the walls weren't moving upwards, Harry and the
mirror were sinking downwards.
The other clips proved that these recordings weren't contrived. They all were
videos of real things that had happened.
Harry had lied to him. He hadn't told Eggsy about other dangerous objects in
the house, even after he'd promised. The gun, the watch, the knife in his shoe,
all of it - those weren't the results of a veteran's paranoia. Maybe Harry
really was a tailor, but he also had to be something else. Whatever it was, it
was hidden somewhere in the Kingsman tailor shop, or down underneath it.
Dagonet had to be in on it in order for him to direct Harry to the dressing
room and not think it was weird when he didn't come out for a long time, or
disappeared completely.
Landon had to be in on it too. Eggsy blinked and his stomach tied itself into
knots. Everyone Harry knew from work had to be in on it, which meant they all
knew Harry was lying to him.
Harry would just lie to him again if Eggsy asked about it. The only hope for
answers was to try to follow Harry to his work. Eggsy would have to see what
was going on for himself, and if he caught Harry while he was there, Harry
wouldn't be able to deny anything any longer.
Eggsy sat for a long time with the glasses clutched in his hand, breathing hard
and trying to fight the rising dread in his chest down as he went through the
videos again, trying to pick out details, trying to understand what Harry was
doing in them. No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn't figure out
who the other men were. Harry was having drinks in a fancy restaurant in one of
them, his companions--men about Harry's age and wealthy by the looks of them--
laughing and talking. It went on for a long time and Eggsy had to fast forward
through much of it, but all they did at the end was exchange cards and pay the
bill. The recording stopped by the time Harry was back on the street. Another
was of him walking down a long corridor and talking to another man dressed much
the same as Harry was. Eggsy could only guess they were in some kind of big
manor, by the traditional style and for how long they were walking.
The videos were glimpses into moments Eggsy couldn't put into context. But
combined with the fact that Harry was making these recordings, the fact that he
had all these...secret weapons, and the fact that there was most definitely
something else beneath the Kingsman shop, all of it added up to a conclusion
Eggsy couldn't define yet, but knew wasn't going to be good.
Harry said he'd be gone for another day yet, and that gave Eggsy some time.
Eggsy spent the rest of the day planning and reviewing the footage in Harry's
glasses. He had to guess the layout of the Kingsman shop based on what he
remembered and what he could see from the recording. Eggsy knew that he
couldn't assume that every mirror did what the one in the recording did; he'd
have to sneak into that specific dressing room while avoiding being spotted by
Dagonet.
Luckily, years of passing unnoticed while boosting merchandise in shops were
going to come in handy. Eggsy picked through his wardrobe until he found a
combination that wouldn't attract much attention - not rich enough to make him
a target, not street enough to label him as out of place, and not bright enough
to draw the eye. Harry had given him enough cash that transportation wasn't
going to be an issue.
Eggsy woke bright and early the next day and started his trek through public
transport towards Piccadilly Circus station.
Walking down Savile Row by himself was...weird, but he looked like he fit in
the area just enough that he didn't have to worry about anybody calling the
cops on him running around without supervision. Most people paid him no
attention anyhow, probably assumed his parents weren't far away.
Scoping the shop from across the street was fairly easy to do. It was already
open and probably hadn't been for very long. If Eggsy went in too early, he'd
be noticed right away. He needed another customer to distract the shopkeeper
much like his mates used to do for him, so he sat himself at a cafe table out
of the way and watched the door, waiting.
Finally, after roughly twenty minutes, a young couple stopped at the window and
then went inside.
Eggsy moved while he had the chance, crossing the street quickly and glancing
in the window much the same way the couple did before him, like he was just
looking at the suits on display. Behind them though, he could see the old
shopkeeper had engaged the couple in conversation. It was another minute before
he left the counter to lead them towards a table, presumably with swatches of
cloth or something Eggsy didn't care about. For a minute or two, he might just
be able to slip inside without being noticed. He just had to be careful not to
hit the bell with the door.
Eggsy held his breath and tried to slow his racing pulse. If he messed up now,
it could mean that Dagonet watched for him the rest of the day, or even
outright recognized him and caught him. The boy waited until the three adults
moved through the shop and their field of vision was limited, then delicately
opened the door.
He squeezed through a narrow little gap and eased it shut behind him. The bell
failed to ring. Eggsy dropped down low so his movements wouldn't accidentally
catch someone's eye and began sneaking towards the back. Dagonet and his two
customers were making enough noise that Eggsy had no problem keeping track of
where they were without seeing them. Where they might be looking at any given
moment was another issue.
Eggsy made it behind the desk and peered around the edge of it. All three
adults were still distracted, now flipping intently through books of fabric
swatches while Dagonet explained the merits of each type. The boy wasn't going
to get a better window of opportunity, so he took it, scurrying across the
floor and turning the dressing room handle. Eggsy hadn't been able to account
for whether the room had been locked or had a squeaky hinge, but no matter: the
door swung forward silently and effortlessly. Eggsy was in.
Partially in, at any rate. He shut the door behind himself and forced himself
to walk instead of running to the mirror. He had to jump in order to hit the
place he had seen Harry touch in the recording.
Absolutely nothing happened.
Quickly and quietly he locked the door behind him and glanced around the room
for somewhere he could hide if someone came in to use it. Which...hopefully
wouldn't happen, considering what he now knew about the room, but just in case.
He spotted a decorative blanket and a chest in one corner, probably to keep
supplies or something, and went to it. Sure enough, he found a tray with
scissors and measuring tape, and pens and papers of all sorts. Eggsy lifted the
tray out and set it on a table nearby, hoping that if he did have to hide
there, the shopkeeper would think whoever used it last simply hadn't put it
away properly.
Once his backup plan was in place, Eggsy inspected the mirror. And the floor.
He couldn't see anything out of place. He even got really close up and tried to
see through, thinking maybe it was a two way mirror, but it didn't look like it
was. When he looked at the walls, they looked perfectly solid and attached to
the ground. Trying to remember where Harry had placed his hand in the video,
Eggsy stepped up onto a stool and reached up to lay his hand over the glass.
Nothing happened.
Eggsy doubted that the videos were fake, which meant that there was a trick to
getting the room to work. Harry hadn't done anything special in the video
beyond putting his hand on the glass, so Eggsy didn't think he was missing a
hidden button or lever. The only other explanation he could think of was that
the switch only worked for certain people. None of Harry's gadgets had worked
that way, but if this was a hidden entrance, it made sense that there might be
extra security. A shop customer could accidentally lean against the mirror and
find the secret if it was too simple to activate.
All of which meant that Eggsy was out of luck until someone else used the room.
Eggsy didn't even know how many people Harry worked with, or how many might use
the mirror in a given day. The only way he would find out would be to gamble
and hide in the room, hoping that someone came by and activated the mirror
relatively soon.
Eggsy heaved a sigh and walked back to the chest. It was going to be a long
day.
After climbing in and curling up, he found that it wasn't too tight for him to
lay there comfortably. With the blanket spread out on top of him, he might even
not be noticed right away if someone had to put the supplies back.
Eggsy waited there for what felt like a very, very long time. He was glad,
after a while, that he'd only had a small glass of juice that morning with his
snack, otherwise waiting for that long might have proven to be more difficult
than he'd expected. He thought maybe he'd fall asleep, but it was no use. He
was far too tense.
After the third time he'd turned onto his other side, he heard it. Footsteps
coming towards his door.
Eggsy didn't dare peek out of the chest to see what was happening. His
breathing turned shallow and quiet as he listened to someone step into the
room, followed by the click of the door. Only one set of footsteps, not two.
Eggsy thought that must bode well, because a customer would have been
accompanied by a clerk to take their measurements. With one, the room's
occupant was more likely to be an employee.
Seconds that felt like minutes passed. To Eggsy, it took forever to hear the
room's visitor step further in, turn, and walk towards one wall. Eggsy felt a
thrill of victory as, after a moment, he felt his stomach flutter just as it
did in a fast lift.
They were going down.
This of course caused his stomach to flutter even more. He couldn't stop
himself from taking in more air to calm down, but he tried to do it as quietly
as possible.
They descended for what felt like minutes and the other occupant of the room
barely moved. When at last they stopped, Eggsy heard a soft swish and then the
footsteps started off again, quickly getting fainter.
It was now or never. Eggsy knew that if this were a normal lift, he would have
only seconds to hold the door. First, he shifted and peeked out from the lid in
the chest. The room was empty, but what he thought was the sound of a door must
have simply been the lift coming to a smooth halt since one side of the room
was now completely open beneath an archway in the brickwork.
Eggsy caught sight of the man who'd been in the tunnel stepping into some kind
of tube between massive iron walls on the other side of a platform. He sat
down, and Eggsy thought he recognised him as one of the men Harry had
introduced Eggsy to over Christmas--James, if he remembered right. Not a moment
later, however, his face was obscured by a door shutting over the tube behind
those iron walls, sealing the man inside before the tube shot off.
Eggsy scrambled to get out before the lift decided to return the way it came.
With the man gone, Eggsy didn't have to worry about being seen. He climbed free
of the chest and dashed across the dressing room floor until he was in the
adjoining platform. When he glanced behind him, the dressing room was rising
into the ceiling, leaving empty space and lift machinery behind.
The boy wandered farther along the platform. It looked, more or less, like one
of the London Underground stations, except more antique apart from the giant
curved iron - what the Underground might have looked like a few decades
earlier, perhaps. Eggsy listened for the sound of an approaching tube, then
carefully leaned out and looked both ways down the tunnel. Darkness met his
eyes in both directions. Aside from a couple of waiting benches, there was
nothing else on the platform but a panel that held what looked like a call
button.
Eggsy felt his heart lodge in his throat as he pressed it.
At first nothing happened. He supposed that was a good sign.
A couple seconds later, he heard a faint sound coming from the end of the
tunnel.
Eggsy stepped back and out of the way, just in case it wasn't what he expected,
but sure enough a second tube slid smoothly to a halt in the very same spot the
first one had been. The same rounded, sliding set of glass and iron doors
lifted to reveal a small interior of four cushioned seats.
There was no going back now. The lift wasn't coming back down any time soon and
even if it did, Eggsy didn't have anywhere to hide on the platform. The only
way ahead was this tube, and so, with his heart beating wildly in his chest,
Eggsy stepped inside.
He took a seat, looking this way and that for controls or signs of where the
tube might lead. After he'd been seated for a few seconds, the door closed
without Eggsy needing to do anything. The car jerked into motion, speeding up
until Eggsy felt like he was sitting in a race car. The speed must have been
incredible, and minutes ticked by without the car slowing down.
Wherever it went, it was quite a ways out of London. For a moment Eggsy peered
through the windows in worry, taken by the thought that the car might be going
underwater. If it was, he couldn't see it. Nothing was visible but unbroken
darkness.
However far he was going, it took a long time.
He couldn't relax. The seats were comfortable for such a small space, but the
silence of the tube almost made it worse. Eggsy had spent so much time waiting
in fear and suspense already that he was starting to feel fatigued. Still, his
body wouldn't let him relax.
Finally, before Eggsy saw anything out the windows, he felt the tube begin to
slow. There was nowhere to hide. Wherever he ended up, he was just going to
have to step out, find somewhere to hide, and hope for the best.
He was gripping the armrests with white knuckles by the time the tube slid to a
stop and the doors opened to reveal...some kind of industrial office, it looked
like. The space was large, with desks and monitors against the walls and a big
window on the opposite side, and fortunately no people.
Eggsy crept out of the tube. He was trying to listen for footsteps but his
heart was pounding too loudly in his ears for him to hear much of anything. No
one was shouting and running towards him, at least, so if there were cameras
like Eggsy suspected, no one had caught sight of him yet.
The boy walked up to the huge glass panels and peered through. A massive space
spread out far below him, absolutely filled with machines. Cars and vans in
multiple types and colours, aeroplanes, even what looked like a couple of
speedboats sitting on elevated platforms and undergoing maintenance. Here and
there, people walked among the vehicles.
It was massive. Eggsy's eyes widened when he spotted not only a military sized
helicopter, but what looked like an assortment of fighter jets in the distance.
He could feel his heart in his throat by then. In any other situation this
would have been a dream, but right now it told him one thing: whatever Harry
was involved in, it was much bigger than he'd thought.
He was just stepping back from the window when he heard something slam behind
him.
Whirling, Eggsy saw that it was a door. He heard a voice shout "Stop! Step away
from the window," before he fully registered what was happening. On both sides
of the room, men barrelled through the doors, handguns drawn and aimed at him.
Guns. Eggsy had always thought that if he was confronted with danger that he'd
be able to react just like his heroes in the movies. Just like when Dean had
threatened him, Eggsy was swallowed by fear. He couldn't make his feet move.
The men with guns seemed to be growing taller, and it was only once his knees
hit the ground that Eggsy realized his legs had given out. The guards kept
shouting, but it didn't make sense, and Eggsy clapped his hands over his ears.
One question cut through the chorus of voices and the crowd of polished shoes
and glinting gunmetal: "Who are you?"
The question repeated, but Eggsy's throat had closed. It sounded like a jumble
of consonants and vowels more than it sounded like words. Eggsy was shaking so
hard he couldn't move his hands.
The men made a half circle around him, weapons drawn. He could no more read the
looks on their faces than he could respond, but finally, finally another voice
shouted over the raucous of their questions.
"For God's sake, lower your weapons. Or do you really think a ten year old is a
deadly threat?"
Landon pushed through from the back of the crowd, bright-eyed with fury. He
looked much the same as Eggsy had seen him before, in a jumper and slacks, but
he didn't hesitate to turn and bark orders at men who looked like they belonged
on the Prime Minister's security detail. "This is Hart's ward. I'm sure he'll
be very interested in hearing why you decided to traumatize his boy because
your people couldn't keep an eye on the shopfront or transport until he was
dumped at our very doorstep."
One of the security men cleared his throat, but when he looked at Landon, there
was a nervous set to his shoulders. "Protocol says to neutralize all intruders
and-"
"He's plenty neutralized. Neutralized enough that he's quivering on the floor
in speechless terror." Landon glared at the guard. "You're excused. I'll be
taking him into custody. We're already acquainted, and the damage is done."
The guns lowered. Whatever their thoughts were on Eggsy's presence, none of
them were keen to disobey, nor point their weapons anywhere near Landon when he
was in the way. It did nothing to relieve Eggsy's cold blooded terror, even
when their stances relaxed. He heard someone mumble something terse about
someone named Galahad.
"We'll have to inform Arthur," one of the men said, holstering his weapon
behind his back as Eggsy watched, still frozen on the floor while Landon turned
the coldest gaze Eggsy had ever seen on the man.
"Then do. He'll find out everything sooner or later. Young Gary will be
accompanying me in the meantime, and I would assume that Arthur knows where my
office is." A moment or two more of direct eye contact was all it took for the
guard to back down and avert his gaze. The crowd gradually dispersed, two of
them chattering instructions through handheld radios to other security
personnel.
Landon paused only long enough to ensure the other men were leaving, then
walked over and crouched next to Eggsy's small form. "I gather that you know
you're in trouble. Can you stand?"
Eggsy tried to respond, but all that came out was air, like he'd forgotten how
to speak, and then a sob. Once it started, he couldn't stop. He was in trouble.
It crashed down on him all at once. He'd done something so horribly wrong, and
he was shaking and crying and they'd nearly killed him and Eggsy hadn't meant
to. He reached out wildly, grabbing at Landon's jumper and holding on like it
was a lifeline. "I'm s-sorry. I'm sorry," Eggsy sobbed, curling against the man
and hating that he couldn't stop, couldn't stop saying it, couldn't stop
crying, couldn't stop shaking. But Landon had to know. Eggsy didn't want to get
hurt. Whatever this was, he wasn't a threat, and he had to make sure Landon
knew.
Landon froze, wide-eyed, and just suppressed the urge to grimace. He'd dealt
with this before, when the boy had been desperately missing Harry. He didn't
prefer to interact with small children leaking body fluids, but that couldn't
be helped. Landon schooled his expression into something he hoped was
appropriately compassionate and cleared his throat. "I know you're sorry. No
one's going to hurt you. I'm going to pick you up in a moment here, since I
doubt you'll make it all the way to my office, and I'll..."
Landon trailed off, trying to think of something that might comfort a
distraught ten year old who had just been threatened with deadly violence.
"...make us some tea. Harry isn't here right now, but we may be able to see if
we can get him on the phone."
Eggsy managed to reign his crying in with deep gulps of air, but only just. It
took many of them for him to calm enough for somewhat normal breathing, but he
still couldn't stop shaking. Eggsy nodded his head vigorously. "M’kay," was all
he could make out with through the fear threatening to bubble up inside him
again. He really, really did want Landon to pick him up. He didn't care if
Landon was grumpy and didn't know Eggsy all that well. Landon was the only
person here Eggsy knew, and he was nice to Eggsy before. He held out his arms,
ready, his mind latching like a vice onto the idea that he could call Harry,
that he could talk to Harry.
Chapter End Notes
     Just so you guys know, next week's chapter will be a week late. Have
     fun waiting in suspense.
***** Chapter 25 *****
Chapter Notes
     Happy holidays, all.
Landon scooped the boy up and started off down the hall. He moved quickly, but
Eggsy caught glimpses of rooms as they passed, and occasionally they ran into
more people. All of the strangers shot curious looks at Eggsy, but they must
have recognized Landon, as none of them made a move to stop them. Eggsy
couldn't pay attention to the twists of the hallway or how long Landon had been
carrying him, but at last they arrived at a door. Landon shifted Eggsy's weight
to one arm so he could swipe a key card and open the door, and then they
slipped inside.
The room was an office, with more screens and computers than Eggsy had ever
seen in one room before. Landon put Eggsy down on a cushy chair and turned to
reach for his keyboard, but he jerked to a halt. Eggsy's fingers were still
clenched around handfuls of his jumper. "Eggsy, let go of me. I'm not going
anywhere."
Eggsy's bottom lip trembled, but he looked down at his hands and, with great
effort, forced his fingers to relax. Landon straightened and Eggsy pulled his
hands back to his chest. He couldn't help curling in on himself, shoulders
hunched. He was still trembling. Half of him wanted to shout at Landon, just
take everything he'd been bottling up and let it out at someone who knew, who'd
lied to him. Eggsy wanted to ask so many questions. But the other half of him
was still caught in a state of shock. He felt like he was still laying frozen
on the floor, unable to speak.
Eggsy tried to curl in on himself even more, keeping his eyes on Landon and
waiting for him to say something. The man had made one thing clear, one thing
Eggsy already knew: he was definitely in trouble.
Landon tapped for several seconds on a keyboard, and the screens in the room
shifted their displays to a screensaver, hiding everything. Landon then crossed
the room to a small kitchenette and filled an electric kettle. Once it had been
set to boil, he turned to survey the boy who was trying to disappear into the
upholstery.
"You're only going to give yourself a backache like that. You don't need to
squirm so. No one's going to be raising a hand to you. This was the natural
progression of your ceaseless curiosity, and Harry had been warned. Not about
this, of course. You've sent the Head of Security into apoplexy. He hadn't
planned for infiltrators of your size and stature."
Eggsy bit his lip, trying to decide if he should be smart and shut up, but
there was a new feeling kindling in his stomach now. Something that felt like
it could scorch him if he didn't let it out.
Eggsy's jaw tightened and he stared at Landon, hard. He tried to make his eyes
like Harry's, even if the thought of Harry sent his mind into a tailspin. The
few times he'd seen Harry truly angry were frightening. He'd go still and cold
and it was all in his gaze. Eggsy had no idea if he was doing it, but he sure
felt it, and it came out in three little words.
"Who are you?"
"Exactly who you were told I was. Harry's friend and his coworker, going on
quite a few years now. You were told as much of the truth as was permissible."
Landon leaned back against the kitchenette countertop and crossed his arms.
With some effort, he suppressed the urge to smile. Eggsy was trying to project
anger and intimidation, but he still looked the part of a terrified young boy.
Only, now, he was a terrified young boy suffering from constipation who was
forgetting how to blink.
That answer only made Eggsy frown harder. "What's that mean? An' what is this
place? Or is that 'top secret', too?" Eggsy shifted, uncomfortable with the way
Landon was looking at him. The man was too calm, like he thought Eggsy was
doing something funny even if he was going to be punished anyway. Eggsy stared,
but Landon's sharp features gave nothing away. The man didn't even have to try,
and Eggsy realised what he'd said while upset and hysterical was true--he
wasn't a threat, and there was no way he could make Landon talk except for what
little weight he held with their short time knowing one another. If that
counted for anything.
"It shouldn't surprise you that it is. It's a base of operations, as I'm sure
you've guessed. You're lucky you're still alive, in fact. A number of defences
are set up near the entrance to stop anyone who isn't supposed to be here, and
some of our guards are anxious little things. Harry would have had my hide if
anything happened to you." The kettle behind Landon clicked, and he turned to
retrieve clean mugs. Landon's words didn't seem to match his demeanour; he was
unconcerned about whatever danger had just passed Eggsy by, or how upset the
boy was about his discovery.
Eggsy wanted more than anything to find some kind of comfort in him, but every
time he thought Landon might be offering it, the feeling slipped through
Eggsy's fingers. He glanced around the room when Landon poured the tea. Tall,
black towers stood in the back behind a wall of glass, lights blinking here and
there. Eggsy thought they might have been server towers, something like what
he'd seen on the telly before. The other half was...nothing he could make out
after Landon blocked all the monitors. With the kitchenette and the comfortable
chairs, it looked like the man could set up in here for weeks if he wanted to.
There wasn't even a window on the door, and it was thick, Eggsy had noticed,
just like all the others they'd passed.
"You shoot ev'rybody who comes down here without an invitation, then?" Eggsy
asked, rethinking his theory about the Mafia he'd had weeks and weeks ago. For
the little Eggsy knew about the Mafia though...this seemed way bigger.
"The only people who come here are either known and anticipated, or strangers
with deadly intent. Not small boys." Landon removed the tea bags and then
carried the mugs back to his desk. He held out one for Eggsy. Wafts of steam
trailed up from the liquid, one thing that was familiar and still comforting.
"You'd be surprised at the sorts of people in the world. Some of them would
think nothing of snatching up young children, brainwashing them, and utilizing
them as soldiers or living bombs. The security team would have jumped to the
worst conclusion rather than presume that a child wandered here by mistake. Or
dumb luck, in your case, because your arrival was very purposeful. Or am I
wrong?"
Eggsy's eyes narrowed, but he took the mug, holding it carefully in his hands
so he wouldn't spill. The trembling was subsiding little by little, but he felt
cold all over now. "Wasn't dumb luck," Eggsy shot back quietly, holding the mug
against his chest before he took a sip. The warmth of it sent a shiver all the
way down his insides. "I knew Harry wasn't tellin' me somethin'. I guess you,
too." A new pang of hurt coiled inside him after he said it. "Tried to make him
tell me, but he wouldn't. Even after he promised."
"It was dumb luck, by virtue of the fact that you got through the doorway and
are still drawing breath. Some of our systems are automated." Landon settled
into the office chair behind his desk. The man was inscrutable as ever,
refusing to rise to Eggsy's comments or his hurt tone of voice. Landon paused
for a moment, then dug his cell phone out of one pocket and typed away as he
spoke. "You can't blame Harry for refusing to tell you what he's forbidden to
tell, or for doing his utmost to hide the evidence."
"Why can't I? I don't even know if--" Eggsy cut himself off before he said
something Landon might take as an insult, saying he might be one of the 'bad
guys' of the world. And expecting dangerous people trying to sneak into
this...lair or whatever it was that somehow ran underneath London...well, that
didn't really sound like the good guys to Eggsy. "...don't even know what this
place is," Eggsy mumbled instead, knowing he couldn't leave the thought half
finished.
He held the mug closer again, curling around it and wondering what they were
going to do with him. Landon had saved him, but he sounded so...unconcerned
about Eggsy. Eggsy wondered just how important Harry was here, if Harry would
leave him to whatever punishment their superiors saw fit to give Eggsy, or if
Harry could get him out of it.
Eggsy sniffed and tried to guess what Landon was doing on his mobile to no
avail. "...you calling Harry?"
"I'm texting him to see if he's currently able to take a call. He may not be in
a position to talk right now, or may be ahead of schedule and flying back,
which would mean that his cell reception may not work. Harry's schedule doesn't
revolve around what's convenient for either of us." Landon set down the cell
and waited. He lifted his mug and eyed Eggsy over the rim. Harry had worked on
the boy's lying skills, but upset as he was, he wasn't hiding much. "No longer
keen for answers? You've come all this way for a reason."
Eggsy's chin dipped and his shoulders hunched further in. Landon hadn't really
scolded him, but it felt like it. Eggsy could feel his throat closing up again,
but he fought it as hard as he could. He thought about Harry, flying back from
somewhere, unaware of what Eggsy now knew. He thought of the way Harry had
denied all of this, so easily. That little bit of hurt he could hold onto was
grounding.
"What was Harry doing?" Eggsy wanted to shout the question. He didn't want to
seem weak, but it came out quiet instead.
"Recovering sensitive documents that were stolen from the Crown. No one wants a
diplomacy meltdown, so the governments involved are busy pretending nothing has
happened. The Crown didn't want their own undercover operatives to risk
exposure. We're the stopgap that allows everyone to continue pretending nothing
happened, because as far as everyone else is concerned, it never did." Landon
calmly sipped at his tea and ignored Eggsy's shocked stare. "I've been taking
on extra duties and bribing other agents and staff members to take on the more
lengthy and travel-intensive missions in order to allow Harry to spend more
time at home caring for you. You're welcome."
Eggsy felt cold at the same time his face grew hot. "You're like...secret
agents or somethin'? Like..." James Bond, Eggsy's fantastical mind supplied.
But...the knife in the shoe. Harry's glasses. His watch that could shoot
amnesia darts. Eggsy frowned and stared hard at Landon, trying to see through
him like Harry always saw through Eggsy. "You ain't just lyin' to me again?"
Landon's phone chirped and Eggsy's stomach lurched.
"You've seen the hanger and the lift down here. You really think it's a lie?"
Landon raised his eyebrows and picked up the phone. One glance at the screen
told him what he needed. "Harry hasn't taken off yet, so he has a brief window
to talk to you before he starts his flight back. Do you want to talk to him, or
do you want to wait a few hours until he's here in person?"
Eggsy thought about denying Harry out of spite, but this was too much. He had
little else to hold onto besides Landon's assurances that he was safe now.
Except that Eggsy wasn't so sure how safe that really was, or what they might
make him do now that he knew.
Eggsy nodded and put the mug down on the desk, careful to make sure it wasn't
next to anything important looking. "Yeah, I wanna talk to him."
Landon nodded and began to dial. He'd suspected as much. Small children were
not the most patient of creatures, and Eggsy was so upset at not being told
everything that he was apt to throw a tantrum if Harry didn't talk him down.
For all Landon knew, Eggsy might do it anyways. The boy never stopped to
consider just how many people he'd lied to in order to get what he wanted and
protect Harry, but the hypocrisy wasn't surprising either.
The cell began to ring, and Landon slid it across his desk for Eggsy to pick
up.
Eggsy took the phone with two hands and brought it to his ear before he punched
the call button.
"Eggsy?" It was Harry's voice. No question about it, it was him on the other
end of the line. No one could fake Harry's voice like that, not when Eggsy
could hear the quaver in it. He'd never truly heard Harry quite like that
before, but he could tell all the same. Harry didn't say anything right away
after that, but Eggsy could hear sound in the background. When seconds passed,
Harry spoke up again. "Eggsy, are you alright?"
"No," Eggsy sobbed. He hadn't meant to, any more than he'd meant for his voice
to crack. He'd wanted to hold onto his anger at being lied to. Maybe he would
later, but hearing Harry's voice through the receiver, hearing the worry in
it... Eggsy hadn't been able to keep his emotions from flooding over. A dull
ache filled him and he wished more than anything that Harry was already there.
"I... Why didn't you tell me about this stuff? I found your glasses and wanted
to see where you really worked, but then there were people with guns and I
thought they were gonna kill me, Harry. And you lied to me, and your friend
lied to me, and he doesn't even care. I don't wanna get punished, I ain't done
nothin' wrong, I was just trying to find out the truth 'cause you were hiding
stuff from me."
"Eggsy," Harry's voice suddenly became clearer, like he'd stepped away from the
crowd or found a corner and pulled the phone closer to his mouth, "Eggsy,
listen to me. I know. I know what I've done, but you've got to try not to be
afraid until I get there, okay? M-Sean will take care of you. And no one is
going to hurt you, I promi--" Eggsy could hear Harry check himself, caught in
another promise that made little difference to Eggsy now. But there was
conviction when he spoke again. "I'll see to that. Just. Hang in there, and
then you take it all out on me in person."
"But when, when are you going to be here? What if he can't keep the guards away
and they shoot me?" Eggsy didn't want Landon to take care of him. Eggsy had a
difficult time feeling angry with Harry, but he didn't know Landon that well.
Betrayal stung from both of them, but it was easier to paint the stranger he
wasn’t in love with as a villain. The man was cold in all the ways that Harry
was warm. "I don't want to stay here for hours and hours."
"It's going to be at least two. Closer to three. But I'm going to be running
off the plane, and I'm going to take the fastest cab I can get. And I'm going
to have words with the others as soon as I hang up. They'll leave you alone."
Eggsy could hear Harry draw a breath. He sounded for once like he didn't know
what to say, and that never happened to Harry. Every exhale was as clear as his
voice. "Eggsy...I'm...I'm truly sorry you found out this way."
"But why didn't you tell me? You said you were gonna tell me if there was
anything else dangerous in the house and you didn't." Eggsy wanted to ask so
many questions. He needed to know if Harry was working for the Queen, like
Landon had suggested. Eggsy still wasn't sure, and he could no longer trust
anything Landon said.
Eggsy didn't know if he could trust anything Harry said anymore, either. He'd
lied, he'd broken his promise, and Eggsy was a bit disturbed that Harry's
glasses doubled as a camera. His mother had violated his privacy, and he didn't
want to think about the possibility that Harry could have done the same.
"I couldn't." Harry swallowed hard. Eggsy could imagine how he might look,
hunched in a corner with his phone, anxious in a way Eggsy had never truly seen
Harry before. "I was...." Harry took another breath. "I was planning to tell
you. Someday when you might have.... When it might not have been so hard on
you." There was a dull thump and Eggsy wondered if Harry had hit the wall.
"Eggsy, the plane is about to board. I have to hang up now, but I'll see you in
just a few hours. As soon as I can."
"Please hurry. Please." That was all Eggsy could say. He didn't want to wait
hours, but there was no choice about the matter and no more time. Harry gave
him a quick goodbye, and Eggsy had barely murmured a disheartened reply before
the line went dead. Eggsy lowered the phone to his lap and was left staring at
the blank screen.
Landon regarded the boy with thoughtful intent. Eggsy would likely do better
waiting for Harry at home, but Arthur would never permit the boy to leave
before security concerns had been addressed. They would have to await Harry's
return at headquarters. "I don't have much to occupy you in my office. I don't
suppose you'd care to go down to the kennels? You're already a security breach
regardless, and there's no sensitive information being stored with the dogs."
Eggsy's brows furrowed. "Dogs?" He imagined big guard dogs, Dobermans and
Rottweilers, might be kept in kennels for security. Eggsy wasn't sure that
would lift his spirits like Landon seemed to think it would, but he wasn't keen
to stay locked up in the man's office either. Tentatively, he nodded, wondering
just how much of the place he'd see and whether they would run into anyone
else. Eggsy hoped not. "Ok."
Landon gave the boy a sharp nod in return and got to his feet. He circled
around so he could open the door for Eggsy. "Just stay close. Word has likely
spread by now, but we have a number of jittery personnel. They tend to assume
the worst and prepare to defend themselves. I'd rather you not get shot in the
leg by someone who's spent a bit too much time in the field to be suitable for
social interaction with the public."
Eggsy's eyes flashed wide as Landon passed by, opening the door for him. Eggsy
paused for a long moment, rethinking his decision to let Landon lead him
through the halls with people like that around because it didn't sound like the
man was joking. Landon didn't close the door though, and he seemed to think it
would be okay....
Eggsy willed himself to step forward, but he stayed close, very close, as they
walked down the hall.
They passed more security rooms, or operations rooms, or whatever they were,
but most doors they passed were locked and coded just like Landon's had been
and not for the first time Eggsy wondered where they were. They could have been
far underground for all he knew. The only thing he could say for sure was that,
from the length of the tube ride, they had to be far of London.
Eggsy glanced up at Landon as they walked, fairly clinging to the man's side
and wary every time they passed someone else in the hall. Which they did
occasionally. Some men looked like the guards Eggsy had seen. Some were dressed
more comfortably, like Landon. He even saw a woman talking into a headset as
they passed. All of them, however, had eyes that lingered on Eggsy.
Landon wasn't the sort of man that was given to displays of compassion without
reason. He wasn't particularly bothered by Eggsy's distress. The boy's feelings
had nothing to do with the hand he placed protectively on Eggsy's shoulder, or
the way Landon stared down all the adults they passed. No one stopped them. No
one even approached. Whatever Landon did as a job, everyone they passed had a
spark of recognition in their eyes as they watched the pair of them stroll
past.
The hallways seemed to go on forever. Maybe it was because there were no
windows, and so Eggsy had no way to gauge how far they'd walked. Landon guided
Eggsy into a lift, pressed a button, and they shot upward at a speed that made
Eggsy's stomach lurch. Quite a ways underground, then, to judge by the feeling.
When the doors opened, they stepped out into a mansion.
Eggsy nearly stopped in his tracks. That was not what he'd been expecting.
Landon's grip kept him moving though and Eggsy only stumbled for a moment.
The halls here were large, embellished with intricately carved moulding.
Chandeliers hung wherever they walked. Arched windows that ran up to the
ceiling gave Eggsy a glimpse of the uncommonly sunny day outside. There were
less people in that part of the building, but Eggsy caught sight of two
conversing at the end of a hall who wore suits like Harry did before Landon
pulled him along.
Eggsy wondered if the suits meant something. Everyone there was dressed well,
but they were obviously divided. He'd have guessed by Landon's more casual
attire that he wasn't in charge, but the way people had glanced away when he
looked at them....
Eggsy tugged on the man's sweater to get his attention, still not sure if he
was ready to raise his voice. He didn't really know how to phrase his question
either, but Landon looked at him expectantly all the same. "Um...what do you do
here?" Eggsy finally asked.
Landon glanced down at Eggsy. He wasn't surprised by the question. What he was
surprised about was that Eggsy wanted to speak with him at all. The boy's
resentment had been quite clear in his office. Since Harry was so loved, much
of Eggsy's anger had transferred to the most convenient target. "Information,
and technological support. I'm usually not in the field unless I'm needed close
by, for one reason or another. I tend to work closely with the field agents, of
which Harry is one." Landon stopped them and opened a door. A vibrant green
lawn stretched out in front of them. "We've known each other for years. Trust
between field agents and their support handlers is critical. I'm closer with
them than I am with other staff."
Eggsy frowned, but it was a curious frown. That curiosity was battling with his
inner turmoil.
He stepped outside and got a good look around. They were definitely somewhere
in the English countryside. The rolling hills and spotted trees stretched on
forever. Eggsy couldn't see any other roads or estates in the distance, at
least not on this side of the property, so he figured they must have been a
ways out.
When the beauty of it began to wear off, one thing Landon said did begin to eat
at Eggsy. He kicked at a rock on the gravel road as Landon led him along the
side of the estate. "You close with all of 'em then, or just Harry?"
"I know all of the field agents fairly well, but Harry is the only one I would
say I'm truly close with." Landon gestured, and Eggsy's gaze followed the
movement towards one of the small buildings off in the distance. "That's the
kennels. We also have a stable. Quite a few things that you'd expect from an
aristocrat's countryside estate, in fact. As far as any outside observer can
tell, this is just one more neglected property, only visited now and then when
the owner goes on holiday."
Landon didn't seem at all perturbed by the hint of venom in Eggsy's tone and it
rankled. Harry had kept Eggsy in the dark and Landon knew everything. Harry
could share things with Landon that he didn't with Eggsy, even if it was for
work. Even if they'd known each other for years. Even if Harry had planned to
tell Eggsy. Eggsy didn't like that feeling in his gut. It was too easy to be
jealous when he found out Harry had lied to him, and Landon still didn't seem
to care at all.
They walked across the lawn in silence, Eggsy's frustration still warring with
his curiosity and his nervousness.
Landon opened the door to the kennel, and Eggsy's thoughts of resentment were
momentarily derailed. The boy had been expecting rows of tight cages like he'd
seen before at animal adoption centers. He'd been expecting attack dogs of some
sort. Instead, most of the building's ground floor was a large fenced in area.
Amid the open space, scattered toys, and sleeping pillows, a panoply of breeds
lounged and played and ran about. In the far back, one little corgi was
struggling to get through one of the pet flaps that led outside.
Eggsy stopped just inside and glanced up at Landon, bewildered, but Landon's
face remained impassive yet subtly optimistic.
"What are they all for?" was the only thing Eggsy could think to ask. They
looked like peoples' pets, and though Landon and Eggsy's presence caused a stir
and most of them came bounding up to the fence to get as close as possible,
they looked very friendly. Eggsy felt a natural pull to go and look at them,
but he was still wary.
"Appearances, in part. Both for here, in case anyone should come poking around
what's supposed to be an eccentric aristocrat's countryside estate, and for
missions and tests. Not the sort of tests you might be thinking," Landon
clarified when Eggsy began to frown. "People's attitudes towards animals reveal
a bit about their psychology, and people trust pet owners more quickly and
easily. It's simpler to get a traumatized witness to a crime to talk to a
stranger with a dog. Some of these animals belong to our organization, some
actually do belong to the aristocrat whose land this is, and some are the pets
of employees. Quite a few, actually, as it's impractical to travel all the way
back to London to their homes just to take their pets out every few hours, so
most bring them in to work."
That sounded even stranger than Eggsy had thought. He took a step closer and
the dogs' tails began wagging harder. A few yipped excitedly. Eggsy thought of
Mr. Pickle, who could have fit right in with the bunch, and his insides twisted
again when he thought of Harry and wondered if he'd ever taken his dog here
before he left him home with Eggsy.
"Do you have a dog?" Eggsy asked, turning back to Landon for a moment. The man
didn't seem like the right sort, but Eggsy couldn't be sure.
Landon pointed towards the back. The corgi that had been stuck in the pet door
had finally reversed direction and tumbled back into the kennel. Being trapped
hadn't dampened its spirits at all. The dog's ears perked when Landon whistled,
and after a quick scan of the room the corgi started to bound towards the fence
where most of the dogs were gathered. "That's Baxter. He's getting up there in
years."
Eggsy's eyes widened. Baxter...was not what he was expecting. He walked along
the fence with the other dogs following until Baxter joined the bunch in
between a Labrador and a Brittany. The dog had a distant but happy look about
him with his pink tongue lolling out to one side and his eyes on Eggsy. He
certainly wasn't the quickest of the bunch, but he looked a lot friendlier than
his owner.
"Uhm. How do you get him out?" Eggsy asked. "Can we take him back with us or
are they not allowed inside?" A distant part of his mind echoed what Landon had
said about the dogs being used in their work to calm people and it wasn't lost
on Eggsy that that was exactly what he was feeling.
"Yes, they're allowed inside so long as they're controlled and not damaging
things. They mostly stay up here because it's a better environment. More space,
more sun, more interaction with other dogs instead of being ignored while the
people around them work." Landon walked around until he got to a portion of the
fence that was a bit different. A square of floor was sectioned off with
fencing and two gates, designed to catch runaways should extra dogs slip past.
Furry bodies wagged and panted and grouped together on the other side of the
second gate, and Landon waited until his dog came close. With minimum fuss, the
older man was able to briefly unlatch the second gate and whisk Baxter through.
With Baxter wriggling excitedly in Landon's arms, the two could not have made a
more unlikely pair. At Eggsy's amused smile, Landon returned the expression.
"Something funny?"
"Nah," Eggsy said, feeling a minor burst of confidence. "Jus' sometimes y'know,
people say pets look like their owners 'n all." He reached up to pet Baxter's
fur and had his hand licked in the process. The dog was surprisingly soft for
an old corgi and he panted happily at Eggsy, looking down from Landon's arms.
Eggsy wondered if he and Mr. Pickle would get along. He was certain of one
thing, however. If he really did have to stay cooped up in Landon's office for
a few more hours until Harry came back and they...decided what to do with him,
having Baxter around would be nice.
"You don't think we look alike?" Landon was so straight-faced that it took a
moment for Eggsy to realize he was being teased. The older man got a leash from
one of the nearby supply racks and clipped it onto Baxter's collar, then set
him down. The dog went right for Eggsy, determined to investigate all the
scents that clung to the new person he hadn't met before.
Landon held out the hand loop for the leash. "Don't get your hopes up about
playing fetch. He'd rather fall asleep atop a stick than chase it."
Eggsy took the leash and bent down to pet the dog who was sniffing him all
over. Definitely friendlier than Landon. The dog's rear wagged more than his
tail did. His ears were soft and his long tongue nearly got Eggsy in the face
before he stood up again. He offered Landon a quiet "Thanks," before the man
led them back out of the kennel and into the yard. Baxter barely kept up with
Landon's long legs.
Eggsy found his courage halfway across the lawn. "What are they gonna do with
me?" he asked, raising his voice for the first time since he'd arrived.
Landon was quiet for a few seconds as they walked. Eggsy missed Harry even
more; Harry's brown eyes were warm, just like he was. Landon's hazel eyes
caught the sunlight and only made him look sterner and sharper than usual.
Harry's brow would have been furrowing in concern, but Landon seemed as blank-
faced as ever. "I don't know. We can't make you forget you've seen
headquarters. I suspect that Arthur will want to grill you with questions to
determine whether you're a security risk. You may end up getting off very
lightly. The security team that missed you is going to be punished severely,
and I expect Harry will be punished in some form or another for being careless
enough to allow you to get suspicious. I may end up punished as well."
Eggsy bit his lip as they walked. His insides sank even deeper. He felt on the
verge of crying again. He felt that surely they couldn't take him away from
Harry, but what he knew was so nebulous that he couldn't be certain, and the
thought that he would be punished....that Harry would be punished, that Eggsy
had done something so bad that everyone who knew him would get in trouble....
It sent a wholly different kind of fear trickling down his spine.
What if Harry never wanted to see him again?
"Do you think it'll be really bad?" Eggsy asked quietly.
Landon snorted. It took a heart-stopping moment for Eggsy to process that it
hadn't been a sound of derision. When he glanced over, Landon was wearing the
oddest little smile. "I doubt it. For the security team, perhaps, given that
they didn't intercept you before you reached the hanger... although given their
behaviour that was for the best. Harry has continuously pranked and irritated
and tested the limits of the rules for as long as he's been an agent. As have
I, to a lesser degree. We're too valuable to lose, or to bench. We'll get a
dressing down, and then we'll both get assignments no one else wants to deal
with for a time."
Eggsy's eyes widened. He paused, catching Baxter up short while Landon just
kept strolling along and Eggsy had to jump to catch up again. "Really? It'll be
ok? They won't take me away from Harry or nothin'?" He could hear the fear in
his own voice, but this was almost too much to wish for. But if Landon really
wasn't upset...maybe Harry wouldn't be either. Eggsy didn't know if he could
take much more of his insides leaping every which way for much longer, but the
intense spark of hope that came upon him as Landon led him around to a back
door was too good to let go.
"Eggsy." Landon waited for few moments, letting the boy's thoughts settle until
he was really listening. For all that he knew that Eggsy was no longer
innocent, Eggsy still looked the part. Landon took in the hopeful face peering
up at him and picked his words with care. "Do you know how serious security and
intelligence agencies are about their job? This lapse is a severe
embarrassment, and would be more than that if word ever got out. If you were
older and unknown, or an enemy of the state, things would be very, very
different. As things are? Harry and I wouldn't permit you to be treated as an
adult enemy agent. Kingsman can't afford to lose or make enemies of us. You're
Harry's adopted ward, so he has multiple levels of control over you, at least
theoretically, which should mollify our head of operations that you will be
made to understand the risks and consequences of revealing anything you've
learned and seen today to other people. So long as we convince the leadership
that you're not a threat and won't leak anything embarrassing or dangerous,
it's very unlikely that much will happen to the three of us. Except, of course,
if you do tell anyone."
Eggsy shivered, but he nodded. "I won't tell anybody. I promise."
That was mostly reassuring, even if Eggsy was clutching Baxter's leash tighter
at the last. Landon gave him a slight pull of his lips that might have meant to
be a smile, and continued down the hall. It was back to Landon's office, and
Eggsy found he wasn't yet hoping to see more even if the curiosity itched at
the back of his mind through it all. If there was any chance he'd run into the
higher management Landon kept mentioning, Eggsy would rather avoid it.
Baxter was immediately at home in the space. Once Landon shut the door behind
them, Eggsy unhooked his collar and the dog waddled underneath the desk where
Eggsy noticed there was a bed waiting for him. Eggsy got down on his knees to
pet the dog, and it made him feel only slightly better.
"I never entertain guests, so I'm afraid there isn't much for you to do while
we wait. There is food and drink in the cupboards and refrigerator if you need
anything. I often work long hours, so the kitchenette is always well stocked in
case something comes up." Landon slid his hands into his pockets and watched
the boy trying to hide his unease by focusing on Baxter. Eggsy didn't know what
to do, and Landon didn't know what to do with him. Harry would have known, but
Harry wasn't there to advise him about how children thought and what children
needed.
A polite rap at the door derailed Landon's thoughts. He turned and opened the
door. Instead of a gaggle of security guards to escort them both to Arthur, as
he was expecting, Landon found himself face to face with Lancelot. "...yes? Did
you need something?"
"Not at all. Just dropping by to see how the young stowaway is doing," Eggsy
heard from outside the door.
Whoever it was had a naturally deep and smooth voice, something that could
almost be described as a drawl. If Landon was about to shut the door in the
newcomer's face, he didn't get the chance. The man's head peered around the
doorway and Eggsy found that it was the same man he had followed from the shop
down to the tube. It was a bit startling, now that this man must know exactly
what he'd done, and Eggsy straightened up from the floor quickly, unsure what
to do with himself.
James, Eggsy heard in Harry's voice, remembering their brief introduction over
Christmas.
"Well enough, considering that our security did their best to terrify him into
thinking he was about to be executed by firing squad." Landon gave James a once
over. He couldn't shut the door in the man's face, but refusing entry and
pushing him back into the hall was still an option. Ejecting would-be visitors
wouldn't even be out of character. "The boy doesn't need more stress. Or am I
to presume good intentions?"
"Nothing but the best," James assured and Eggsy caught the raise of the man's
brows in sincerity. All too smooth sincerity, if Eggsy was reading it right.
"We have met before after all, if only briefly."
Curiosity got the better of Eggsy in the end and he moved to Landon's side to
see the man better. Now that James wasn't waiting around for his daily commute,
he was all smiles and an easy air. He immediately caught sight of Eggsy.
"And there's our little spy now." James stepped into the room, forcing Landon
to either halt him with the door or step out of the way.
Landon halted him, staying firmly in place until the other man was forced to
come to a stop. Landon cared nothing about etiquette and personal space that
didn't have himself at the core, after all. "Yes, there he is. Have you some
pressing comment to impart, or was there something else? Congratulations for
his prowess? Consolations about the harassment we're all to endure once Arthur
frees his schedule? Or is this about salvaging your pride for not realizing you
were being tailed?
The man gave a long suffering sigh and Eggsy noticed then, with how close they
were, that they were nearly of a height. He'd thought Harry was tall. And then
there were these two. Was everyone who worked here a giant?
"Honestly, I'm curious to have a proper introduction to Hart's young ward." The
man straightened and arched a brow. "We'd been introduced only in passing, and
I'll admit I was quite surprised, and impressed, when I heard he'd gotten the
better of me."
Eggsy drew closer to Landon's side. This James seemed charming, almost in the
extreme, and Landon was anything but. However, Landon had proved he was willing
to look after Eggsy and that counted for something. He tugged on the man's
jumper until Landon looked down at him. "'Sok. If it's not against the rules or
nothin'."
Landon gave him a strange look. Eggsy had seen similar on Harry before, but he
didn't know what it meant, only that it seemed determined. Landon turned back
to their visitor and his voice turned flat and falsely pleasant. "Very well. Do
come in. Keep in mind that the person in question has only just achieved double
digits, and Harry will be back shortly. Neither of us will look kindly on undue
commentary."
James' second brow raised with the first, but he nodded respectfully and folded
his hands behind his back as Landon let him into the room. Eggsy stepped back,
unsure what to do.
"Ah, you've found Baxter!" James exclaimed, and to Eggsy's surprise, bent down
and clapped his hands for the dog to come snuffling out of his bed to be
greeted. "He must be keeping you company while you're cooped up in here?" was
the first question James actually addressed to Eggsy.
Eggsy nodded.
"Splendid idea, splendid indeed. I do hope they don't make the visit too
uncomfortable for you. After all, you've beaten many of us at our own game."
James shot him a thousand watt smile, but all Eggsy could feel was puzzled. He
thought he was about to be interrogated, or maybe not so harshly, considering
the man's jovial demeanour, but still....
"I guess so." Eggsy shrugged his shoulders, unsure if he was meant to accept
the praise or if that would be rude.
"Perhaps it would help if you would back me up on that point," Landon added. He
could feel his blood pressure rising every instant James was in the room. He'd
never grown out of the boyish phase of university life, even if James was no
longer a naive youth by a stretch of either term. Knowing his secrets didn't
counterbalance the feeling of being around a Yankee in a yacht club. Landon
cleared his throat and swallowed his irritation at Baxter's snuffling around at
James’ feet. "I've been trying to tell Eggsy not to worry overmuch. I can't
imagine that Arthur would do anything drastic."
"Ah, he knows about Arthur, then?"
"Who's Arthur?" If Eggsy hadn't felt put on the spot before, he did now. All he
could tell was that this man was supposedly one of the people in charge. Or
maybe the person in charge.
"The only one not currently having a laugh at Hart's expense in the upstairs
drawing room." James replied smoothly as though Eggsy was supposed to know who
these others were, although he could now imagine maybe why they were laughing.
Even if he was still sure he was in serious trouble.
"Arthur doesn't get final say in the organization, but he does happen to be our
senior member and has considerable influence, if not dictatorial control. He
was already sour about Harry adopting and needing family accommodations."
Baxter wandered in Landon's direction and whined at his feet. Landon stooped to
pick him up, conscious as always about how ridiculous they looked together.
Good natured ribbing about opposites was rarely passed over by other Kingsman
staff, particularly when they lacked knowledge of many other things to tease
him about. "He'll try to make things unpleasant and embarrassing, but there's
little he can do."
"The others are taking it well, all things considered. We'll see what comes out
at the table, however." James looked a little more serious at that, and again
Eggsy was caught somewhere between relieved and worried. And finally the man
was looking over Eggsy, really looking, and Eggsy found himself shying away
from the inspection. There wasn't anywhere to go, but he couldn't make his
shoulders any less tense and he realised he was biting his lip. "You were
pretty determined to get all the way down here," James commented, tone no less
smooth for the directness of the statement. It was left hanging in the air,
more like a question and Eggsy wasn't sure what he should answer. The man had
to be wondering how long he knew, what made him so bold....
"Yes, he was, although he didn't seem to know what to anticipate." Landon's
brow furrowed. He looked at Eggsy without seeing him, paying far more attention
to James from where he stood at the edge of his vision. "Hart was very used to
living alone, and he wasn't as careful as he should have been. I think we would
have more instances of this sort of thing if we had more personnel who weren't
legacy families or married to other personnel. Or single. Precautions can be
taken, but it's unwise to have no equipment at one's home, and my understanding
is that Eggsy had stumbled across a couple of things."
"Is that so?" James levelled his raised brow at Eggsy.
Eggsy turned his attention to Baxter, lolling lazily in Landon's arms, just so
he didn't have to look at anyone. "Uh, yeah. 'Suppose so. Just...um, some
glasses...." Eggsy didn't know how to lie to these people. Harry had given him
no instruction for this. He wanted to divert their attention and pass over
everything just like Harry had told him to do for the psychologist, but Eggsy
didn't think lying to Harry's coworkers was a good idea. And he had no one to
tell him otherwise.
"Ah," James seemed to know what he meant immediately, and Eggsy was sure a
subtle kind of seriousness settled into his demeanour, even if it was barely
perceptible.
"Didn't see much. Just the shop and the door in the mirror, honest," Eggsy
amended.
"Well, that would explain why you got the idea that there was more to the shop
than what you'd seen, and the knowledge to hide in the dressing room." The
mildness of Landon's words didn't match his expression. A sharp interest had
entered his eyes, one that Eggsy couldn't explain. He'd seen the expression
before though, as all children had: the look of an adult who suspected that he
knew far more than he was telling and trying to guess what he knew by visual
cues alone. "And then there was the matter of the gun. We may have to invent
new equipment storage protocols."
Eggsy flushed. Landon knew about that. He was at once both relieved he hadn't
lied and terrified of what Landon might also know. Eggsy shut his mouth and
tried to keep from shaking. Harry wouldn't have told.... Harry had been the one
to stress how dangerous it was for anyone to know about the other parts of
their lives. Harry must have just told him about the gun.... Because it was for
work.
Suddenly Eggsy felt like he couldn't breathe enough.
He saw James' eyes widen and a look of concern pass across his face. "Are you
alright?"
Landon's expression sharpened by a hair. Baxter chose that particular moment to
squirm and whine, drawing James' attention back for a split second. Landon
knelt to put the dog back on the floor, where Baxter immediately trotted over
to be with Eggsy. "Of course he isn't fine. From what Harry's told me, the
boy's had a childhood that wasn't exactly conducive to a sense of trust,
safety, and stability. Those past experiences have to be making everything
about today more difficult. Children tend not to care for being lied to,
regardless of whether there are good reasons for it, even if they themselves
lie very often. They don't take well to threats of violence or insecure
situations either."
Landon's gaze switched back to Eggsy and pinned him in place. "He's having to
adjust to the fact that some things have gone unsaid for reasons of safety.
He's being asked to trust again without a lot of reassurance about why he
should. I imagine that Eggsy won't start feeling alright until Hart is back and
he sees more concrete proof that he's safe."
Eggsy couldn't believe that kind of understanding just came out of Landon’s
mouth. For all his coldness, he’d just given Eggsy more validation than he’d
ever expected.
James grew a touch more sombre at that and nodded. "Rightly so...rightly so,"
he mused and then thought for a moment before addressing Eggsy again. "I fear I
may not know the circumstances that have brought you to our doorstep, but I did
know a little bit about your father's background. I always liked Lee, even if
we were opponents at the time."
Yet again Eggsy was caught off guard. It had completely escaped him that the
others here might have known his father, just like Harry and Landon.
But James was already nodding and glancing to the door, suspecting his welcome
was overdue. "I'll leave you to get settled then. Eggsy, is it? It was good to
meet you."
Landon showed him out. He didn't feel any relief upon closing the door.
Inwardly he was cursing - Harry, the boy, and himself. He'd had years to
observe how relationships and emotions became weakness points, but had fallen
into a vulnerable position all the same. Rather than one more piece of leverage
over another Kingsman agent, or a trade of favours between friends, he was now
far more involved than he'd ever planned to be.
And now Eggsy might guess that he knew. Harry had confidence in Eggsy's
abilities to lie and conceal, but Harry had reason to be overly hopeful in that
regard. Landon turned and walked to the kitchenette to start the electric
kettle for another cup of tea. Eggsy may have been reassured, but now he felt
raw and exposed.
Eggsy stood stock still as Landon busied himself. As if he hadn't been worried
over enough already...the possibility that Landon knew.... Or maybe he'd just
been trying to get rid of James. Because he certainly had been trying to get
rid of James. And he knew a lot about Eggsy's life, probably from talking with
Harry, so his reassuring words might have been just that. Nothing more. Any kid
would miss their guardian at a time like this, Eggsy tried to remind himself.
He'd felt the same about his mum when he almost got caught swiping things, when
he was sure he'd wind up at the police station and have to call somebody. But
his heart was beating fast in his chest again, and he had to know. Somehow. He
had to find out.
Eggsy licked his lips and glanced to Landon's back. "Thanks. That was....nice
to say." He didn't even know how to start.
Landon let out a short bark of laughter. He wanted to keep watching the kettle
as it boiled, but that would mean admitting to himself that he was avoiding
having to face a child. Landon turned and leaned back against the counter,
folding his arms and looking Eggsy in the eye. "I think we can be honest.
'Nice' isn't a word you associate with me. I said it because it happens to be
true. I have a very good memory, and I remember the first time Harry asked me
to take care of you while he was on a trip."
Eggsy's eyes darted to the floor and then back to Landon. He forced himself to
meet the man's gaze, remembering Harry's words in the back of his head by rote.
Attention relaxed, focus constant, honest. Eggsy couldn't manage relaxed, his
shoulders were too bunched up and he didn't know how to hold himself, not in
this conversation, but he could just manage focus. He needed to, desperately.
"Y-yeah? I mean, he's done a lot for me." Eggsy's words came out breathless,
but he couldn't manage any better.
"Yes, I know he has. I've known him for years, and he told me about you and
your life circumstances before he decided to adopt you. I have a very good idea
of what Harry means to you, even if you don't know what he means to me." Landon
stared. Having worked with potential recruits over the years, he knew exactly
what sort of effect it would have. Particularly when directed at a child who
was already nervous. "You'll feel better once he's here, even if you're still
upset with him. You'll have to accept at some point why he lied to you about
some things. Sometimes the truth is impossible to tell, for any number of
reasons. Harry wasn't allowed to tell you. Not even if you promised that you'd
never tell anyone else. The best way to keep a secret is to limit the number of
people who know."
Eggsy hunched in on himself a little more. He could feel Landon's eyes cut into
him, but the man's words sounded reasonable. Sounded like the truth. So had
Harry's, Eggsy remembered. He looked back into Landon's eyes, searching. For
all the man was severe and collected, for all that it intimidated Eggsy, he
still felt like he needed to know. Eggsy nodded slowly. More and more he just
wanted Harry to be back so Eggsy could demand that he tell him what Landon knew
and what he didn't. Eggsy felt twice as lost with this doubt curling under the
weight of Harry's lie.
For all he tried, Eggsy couldn't see through Landon. The man's stare was too
hard, willing Eggsy to listen to him. He was impenetrable.
"Just want Harry to be back." Eggsy broke their gaze and hung his head.
"I know. And he will be back. Air travel takes time. You should be happy I've
kept him away from the worst of it. Logistically, duties are supposed to be
balanced with family life, but not all of the agents are thrilled to be taking
on extra travel now that Harry qualifies as a single parent." Landon set the
tea to steeping, which necessitated him turning around and breaking the
intimidating stare Eggsy had been locked into.
"You've only seen Harry directly involved, of course, but both of us have been
involved in trying to make the situation as easy on you as possible. There's
very little that he could ask me for that I wouldn't agree to."
"You tried to help me?" Eggsy asked, following warily over to the kitchenette.
He wasn't sure if he could drink another cup of tea, but he was still cold.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered if the stress had anything to do
with it. "I mean, I know you came over a coupla' times when Harry was gone, an'
you didn't have to." Eggsy wasn't sure what else Landon could have done to
help. All things considered, it seemed like it must have been pretty easy for
Harry to say he was going somewhere he wasn't. Except all the photos he'd sent
Eggsy had to have been real. They'd looked real.... Eggsy frowned.
"Housesitting, yes. Helping ensure that other agents took longer missions, so
that he wasn't gone as often or as long. Legal situations are messy, and I
helped him find suitable lawyers and a trustworthy psychiatrist to do your
analysis for a custody transfer. Coordination with school officials to ensure
you were placed back at your original school with your friends, instead of
another local school." Landon poured another set of mugs, watching out of the
edge of his vision as Eggsy warily moved closer. "Unlike Harry, I don't tend to
do things directly. Our work is the same. Harry is a field agent, and the
majority of the time I'm assigned to be his handler and direct support. I get
him the information and tools he needs to achieve his objectives, and I get him
in and out of a job location safely and discreetly. He's trusted me with his
life more times than I can remember, so it wasn't too much of an extension to
entrust me with you while he was away and I wasn't his handler for that
mission."
Eggsy's brows furrowed. He'd had no idea Landon was involved in any of that. He
still assumed Harry and Landon talked, and talked about Eggsy probably, as was
normal, but....
Eggsy shifted, folding his arms against himself, trying to be casual about it.
He kept his eyes on the steaming kettle, but accepted the mug of tea Landon
offered him when it was ready. It took a long moment for Eggsy to speak again,
just as another worry began to worm its way into his mind. Watching Landon
didn't help, with all the man's confidence, his certainty in Harry's life.
"How...um. How close are you?"
"Very, given our personalities. Harry is very friendly but not given to making
a great number of real friends and letting them get to know him. Neither am I.
We got to know one another better by working together on official business, and
then working together on personal projects. We knew one another when we were
younger, of course, but not well. The ranks here put inappropriate stock on
legacy, which is to say that certain families all tend to send their children
to the same schools, and many of them end up here together." Landon took a sip
of his tea and looked down. The top of Eggsy's head was far below him, and the
boy fairly radiated insecurity. Landon may not have been able to see precisely
what Harry saw in the boy, but with an aura of fear clinging to Eggsy's skin,
he might have gotten something of an idea.
"Oh." Eggsy was fairly sure he said the word aloud. He felt it in his throat.
He thought he might have heard it, but it might have also just been a squeak.
He wasn't sure what he feared worse now, that Landon knew, or that Landon and
Harry were...closer than he'd thought. Eggsy held the mug close to his chest,
warming him beneath his shirt, but he was still cold everywhere else. He felt
ill.
Eggsy desperately wanted to know and yet there was no way of asking. Another
very large part of him just wanted to slink out of the room and hide. If Landon
didn't know...then he had no idea what he was saying would even make a
difference to Eggsy.
Eggsy's lip trembled. "Jus'...miss Harry...." He just wanted everything to go
back to the way it was.
"So you've said." Landon wasn't able to keep all of the irritation out of his
tone, and once he saw Eggsy's expression fall even further, he gave an
exasperated sigh. "This is why I don't do field work. I understand that you're
upset, but repetitively telling me how much you miss Harry will not get the
plane here faster. I can fix a number of problems, but the limitations of the
laws of physics is not one of them. As I told Harry when he first asked me to
watch over you: I'm not the best person for a job demanding reassurance and
comfort. I'm not used to it. Point in fact, I tend to get assigned to train
potential recruits to wash out the ones who can't make it."
Landon's words stung, struck Eggsy in exactly the wrong way. Everything
simmering, bubbling up inside him, he couldn't hold it back any longer. Eggsy's
fist clenched the handle of the mug tight before he sent it sailing into the
wall, shattering, splattering hot tea all over the floor and the end of the
desk. It was a miracle Eggsy hadn't thrown it at a computer. He hadn't even
been looking where he'd aimed. He didn't stop to think about it either.
"Y'know wot, fuck you," Eggsy shouted, "I don't need your help! You think you
know Harry?" Hot tears prickled at his eyes. His vision blurred before they
began streaming down his cheeks. He almost, almost didn't care if he said too
much. "You think you know me? I didn't ask for your help. I didn't ask for you
to be here! An' you can't take Harry away!" Eggsy knew the last didn't fit with
the rest, it just came pouring out of him and he couldn't stop it.
Landon went very still. Something about it caused Eggsy's skin to prickle even
in his upset state of mind. The look he fixed Eggsy with was reminiscent of the
alley cats Eggsy used to watch, all coldly vicious interest once they spotted
prey that was unlikely to escape. "There has to be more to you than a mouthy,
ungrateful brat, or else I can't imagine what Harry sees in you. You're lucky
that I care deeply about Harry, because if I hadn't, you wouldn't have him in
the first place. Harry was the one who asked for my help, and the reason I gave
help. Perhaps I should have left you in the hallways to throw your tantrums
with security. I'm tempted to do so right now, if not for the fact that I know
what you mean to Harry. But you are damn well going to apologize and clean up
my wall."
Eggsy raised his fists, spread his feet apart, and mimicked the fighting stance
he'd seen older boys use. Deep inside he was terrified cold, and hurt, but he
wasn't going to back down. Not if this was about Harry. He'd saved Harry from
pirates once, even if it was only in his imagination. But his mother had also
taught him about fairness once upon a time, and Harry had taught him about
manners.
"You apologize first an' I will," Eggsy said. "Or fight."
"Apologize for what, exactly?" Landon set his mug aside and surveyed the
diminutive figure in front of him. "You've been consistently ungrateful, no
matter how much I've done to help you or make you feel better. I've put up with
comments, crying, emotional fits more befitting a toddler, and now jealousy.
You don't own Harry. You don't get to order him about until he interacts with
no one but you, and you would not have that without my involvement. I'm not
going to apologize for working tirelessly on improving your life, and Harry's,
only for you to scream and throw tantrums because you can't get everything that
you want right when you want it."
Tears streamed down Eggsy's face, but he didn't move. "You're the one who lied
to me, you an' Harry both! And it's just supposed to be ok? An' of course I was
cryin'; I thought I was gonna die!" He didn't understand how this was all on
him now. Harry wanted him. Harry had said he wanted Eggsy, over and over again.
He'd never said anything but. And yet here was Landon, painting a picture where
Eggsy was the inconvenience. Eggsy had imagined fighting for Harry's honour,
even if he barely had a chance. He'd imagined this could be settled by
something far more straightforward than the nuances Landon laid down.
"And you have lied. Repetitively. To Harry, to me, to everyone else. To a
psychologist. To a court of law. To your mother." Landon crossed his arms. He
was well aware that he was saying more than was prudent, but Eggsy was proving
far more irritating than any of the trainees he'd dealt with. Worse, because a
little voice in the back of his head was pointing out exactly why he was taking
things so personally and why Eggsy was getting right under his skin. "Lying for
personal desires and gains is different than lying to protect. Neither of us
were permitted to tell you."
Eggsy froze.
He knew. Landon knew. Harry had told him when Harry had told Eggsy they could
never tell anyone. When Harry said they couldn't touch in public or kiss or act
like they were together at all. When Harry had asked him to lie. Eggsy's head
was swimming. If Landon knew all that, if he was on Harry's side, on their
side, then why didn't he understand? Eggsy had thought he'd been lying to
protect Harry.
"I didn't lie to Harry," was all Eggsy could think to say. He knew that much,
even if nothing else made sense any longer.
Eggsy's eyes latched on the door. Before Landon could respond, he bolted for
it.
Landon cursed and ran after him. Eggsy got out the door and a short ways down
the hall before Landon caught him. A few passersby gave them odd looks, but
kept walking. Staff weren't used to seeing children on site, but that didn't
mean that they wanted to get involved.
Landon's arms wrapped around Eggsy's and held him in place. "Stop," he hissed.
"Or do you want to get shot? You've met our nervous security team already, and
portions of headquarters have automatic security measures. I can't protect you
if you run off and do something stupid, and then what am I going to tell Harry,
when he rushes back to find you stretched out in a hospital bed? Hmm?"
"I don't care! Let me go!" Eggsy wailed. He was reeling. He wanted to run and
hide, just wanted to get away. "He told you, didn't he? Didn't he?" Eggsy
couldn't make sense of it, that Harry would tell in the first place, nor why
Landon resented Eggsy if he'd been helping keep their secret. He kicked and
flailed but it was no use. Landon lifted him straight off the ground and
Eggsy's trainers did nothing, flying through the air.
Landon's hand clamped over Eggsy's mouth as he lifted him. Landon was stronger
than he looked, and the move was sudden enough to shock Eggsy for a moment or
two. That was all the man needed to get them back in his office. This time,
once he set Eggsy on the floor, he locked the door for good measure.
"Just because I know doesn't mean that everyone else here does, or that there
won't be consequences for that getting out, you idiot child," Landon snapped.
"I've known Harry for years. I figured it out, and then I agreed to help him
when he asked."
Eggsy didn't even try to respond; he was crying too hard. He couldn't get out
of Landon's grasp, so he just collapsed. "If you're h-helping, then why do you
hate me?" Eggsy sobbed. The more information that came out, the more Eggsy was
confounded. He'd gone from trusting Landon over anyone else there, to fear and
jealousy, and right back to wanting Landon on his side again. "I lied all those
times to keep Harry safe. I didn't want to." Maybe Landon blamed him if Harry
was in trouble, or if Landon himself was in trouble with his boss. Maybe Landon
blamed him for all of this.
Landon's mouth pressed into a frustrated line. He dug into a pocket and
retrieved a clean white handkerchief. He pressed the cloth into Eggsy's hands.
"Please sit down and stop crying." The boy, of course, was too distraught to
comply, and Landon sighed. "I don't hate you. I resent you for having things I
cannot, and for taking up a great deal of time and attention with one of the
very, very, very rare individuals I happen to like and be able to stand for
more than an hour's time. We both care about Harry and want him protected,
which means that we're on the same side and I have a vested interest in
protecting you. You make Harry happy, and I take pains to ensure he stays that
way."
Eggsy took the handkerchief and stared at Landon, trying to stifle his crying.
By the time he managed hitched breaths, he no longer felt like fleeing quite so
bad. He wasn't sure how to feel about what Landon revealed. Part of it was
calming, but part of it stung. A lot. Landon had stepped back enough for Eggsy
to, very tentatively, find his chair again and draw himself up in it, still
wiping his nose.
Eggsy had no idea what to say to that. Landon didn't like him, but he didn't
hate him either. Landon was still helping him, but it didn't sound like he
wanted to. Eggsy's eye caught on the wall where tea still dripped. He didn't
feel much guilt for doing what he'd done, but he didn't feel good about it
either. He took a breath and slid back out of his seat to go and pick up the
pieces of the mug.
Landon watched him for a moment, then knelt. Baxter had shied away from all the
commotion and was curled up in the dog bed under the desk, making a very poor
show at hiding. Landon coaxed him out and wondered, not for the first time, why
things couldn't be so much simpler with people. Animals made sense, once he
understood their nature. People could be manipulated and predicted to a certain
extent, but there was a reason he wasn't a field agent beyond his love of
solitude and technology.
Eggsy put all the pieces he could find in a rubbish bin and found some paper
towels to wipe up the rest. He moved on autopilot. He felt like he'd felt too
much that day and just couldn't feel any more. Landon's presence wasn't lost on
him though, and it was...somewhat comforting, Eggsy supposed, that the man had
knelt down to the floor for his dog instead of remaining aloof or watching
Eggsy from a distance.
When Eggsy was finished tossing the paper towels in the bin, he glanced at
them. Instinct told him to make things right, somehow, but he wasn't sure if he
was welcome. Tentatively, Eggsy took a step closer.
"You know, I've heard from Harry about how much he enjoys you living with him,
but we never get a chance to talk. How are you liking things?" Landon kept his
voice low and even, and he only glanced at Eggsy now and then, keeping most of
his attention on Baxter's cheerful, oblivious form. He didn't know much about
how to talk with upset children, but he did know about skittish animals. "Aside
from, of course, finding out about Harry's work like this. Harry didn't want to
lie about it, any more than other employees here want to lie to their family
and friends."
Eggsy swallowed, but he knelt down on Baxter's other side and reached to pet
the dog. "I like it a lot," Eggsy said finally. "I miss my mum sometimes,
but...I don't have to worry about stuff at Harry's place. I can do whatever I
want." Eggsy was tempted to glance up, to try to measure Landon's reaction, but
something told him he wouldn't be able to, so he kept his eyes on Baxter,
happily being petted by two people at once. With the knowledge that Landon knew
about him and Harry, that Landon wanted to help for whatever reason...he didn't
seem like so much of a threat as he had before, even if Eggsy was still trying
to parse out exactly what Harry meant to the man. Landon had sounded just now a
lot like Eggsy had felt when he was angry that someone else was close to Harry.
Eggsy spent a long moment trying to figure out what to say. "He told me you
guys have been friends for a long time. An'...that if anything ever happened,
that I should trust you."
"Harry knows that I value our friendship enough that I'd take you in or do
whatever was necessary to help you, if something happened. Because I already
know the delicacy of the situation and what's going on, there's no need for
explanations or worrying about my reaction. The same could not be said of
everyone." Landon paused. Some pieces of a child's mindset were alien to him,
but others he could guess at fairly well. Landon knew what he would be upset
about had their positions been reversed. "No one else knows. I figured things
out, and Harry trusts me, and those are the only reasons that I happen to know.
If I hadn't guessed, I don't know that Harry would have told me."
Eggsy nodded and did look up then. Landon's face was expressionless again, but
the hardness wasn't there so much any longer. Or at least Eggsy thought so.
Eggsy thought about what he would say to one of his friends if they'd been in a
fight. All this was so strange because he'd always wanted to be treated like an
adult with Harry, and here he was being treated that way by so many people so
very suddenly. "I didn't mean to be mean to you," Eggsy said quietly. "I just
thought...." He'd thought Landon would somehow take Harry away. "I was just
scared. An' I'm sorry I broke your cup."
"Apology accepted. I'm sorry I yelled at you, as well. I have a bit of a temper
and a dislike of being blamed when not at fault, or when trying to help."
Landon looked up at Eggsy again, hoping the boy was settled enough that direct
eye contact wouldn't shake him. "I got worried when you started yelling and
making like you were going to run off. I didn't know if you were going to get
hurt, or say the wrong thing where someone might overhear, and then we'd have
even more problems to deal with. I didn't want to have to face Harry only to
tell him that you'd been shot by a spooked security guard, or activated the
wrong piece of machinery, or that the wrong person had heard you and he was
going to face charges."
Eggsy nodded, meeting Landon's gaze with a little more confidence. Landon's
accusations just before all that whispered in the back of his mind, but Eggsy
decided not to comment on being accused of lying about something that Landon
already knew. Maybe that was what he meant about having a temper.
"I wasn't gonna tell anybody...," Eggsy said, glancing away and back with a bit
of hope growing in his chest, "but I always kinda did want it not to be a
secret, y'know?"
"You wouldn't tell anyone on purpose but, as we've found out, people say a
number of things that they don't mean when upset," Landon pointed out. "I can
appreciate why you don't want it to be secret. No one likes to feel like their
emotions, thoughts, and all the things dearest to them would be violently
rejected and punished by others. You won't have to keep your relationship a
secret forever. When you're older, people will still have a negative reaction
due to the difference in your ages and your adopted status. There will still be
things to worry about, but you'll no longer have to fear that Harry will be
arrested."
Eggsy blinked. He hadn't expected that kind of reassurance. Especially not from
Landon. He'd only dared to hope for such things in the confines of his own
mind, and occasionally with Harry. "You really think so?" Eggsy asked, eager to
hear more. "When I'm older none of this'll matter, even if some people don't
like it? Harry an' me could act like a real couple?" All traces of shyness and
hesitation fell away, and he knew he was perking up, getting a little too
excited at the thought of it, but he really couldn't help it.
"You'll still have to worry about some things. Your relationship will still be
somewhat taboo, because people are still close-minded regarding same-sex
couples, or couples with age gaps. It may be dangerous for you to go some
places and be open, but the same could be said for any other same-sex couple in
those places." Eggsy was radiating energy and enthusiasm, and Landon had to
clamp down on his instinct to pull away. "You'll have to sever your formal
adoption in some way, or else your relationship may be viewed as illegal, and
people will treat you strangely if they learn you were Harry's adopted son
before you became his adult partner. You likely won't be able to tell people
the truth about how your relationship started. You will not, however, have to
hide it forever."
Eggsy broke into a grin. He couldn't quite express how relieving it was to hear
that from someone else, someone who knew about these things. He couldn't wait
to see that day.
"I think I'd be fine with that. Not tellin' people 'bout Harry adoptin' me.
Prob'ly wouldn't by then, would it?" Eggsy went back to petting Baxter,
imagining Harry and himself, older, as tall as Harry, with his first job and
his own car, living out in the world, and being able to kiss Harry in public.
Even if a few people didn't like it, they wouldn't be able to do anything about
it.
Landon said little. He knew all too well how the situation was likely to turn
out. Eggsy could very well feel different once he was older. So could Harry,
for that matter. Nothing constructive would come from speaking about such
things, however: Eggsy wouldn't be receptive to having his fantasies so
brutally crushed. Landon would have to watch, and wait, and the time might come
when he would have to break Harry's fall.
"Have you thought about what you want to do, when you're older?" Landon thought
that was a far safer topic.
Eggsy opened his mouth to say something about the military, but was suddenly
brought up short. "I...always thought about how my dad was in the forces, an'
how maybe that would be somethin' I could do, too. But...he wasn't, was he?
Or...," Eggsy scrunched his face up, trying to figure out how everyone here
knew Lee, and how Harry's story of Eggsy's father could have matched up with
his real job. "Was he a spy, too? Was that how he really died?"
"Both, actually. Your father was recruited while in training in the forces. We
had an open position for a new field agent." Landon turned his gaze back down
to the dog that was still lounging contently in front of them. He may not have
been the most skilled at tact, but he knew that questions about Eggsy's father
could prove to be another emotional trigger point. "He was in one of the first
training classes I led, actually. Lee was in the running as the candidate with
the highest marks, the most likely to be recruited and placed as an agent. At
the very end of training, he and a few other potential candidates went on a
trial mission with Harry, myself, and a few other agents. The mission ended up
being more serious than we anticipated. An enemy combatant pulled a weapon that
would have been enough to kill most of the team, including Harry and myself,
and Lee rushed him. He knew it would be fatal, and he made the decision to act
quicker than anyone else. Your mother couldn't be told what he was doing, any
more than the families of a great many employees here."
Eggsy stared. An old and familiar ache settled into his chest, renewed with
this new information. What Harry had told him had been vague, but...it did line
up with what Landon was telling him now. The field mission at the end of Lee's
training for a new position. The way he had saved Harry's life. Eggsy nodded
and tried to push the hurt down, still raw whenever he thought about it.
"I always thought about doin' somethin' like that, but 'suppose it's a bit
different than I thought," Eggsy admitted. "So I dunno. Jus' gettin' outta the
estates was enough."
"The military is always dangerous, and positions here even more so. The work is
rewarding, and often exciting, but it does impose limitations on your life. As
I'm sure you can imagine, given your experiences with Harry." Landon gave Eggsy
a pointed look. "You don't get to pick when you have to travel. You don't get
to be choosy about what missions or work you are assigned. Your career requires
you to lie to your loved ones who aren't also employees, for their safety as
well as yours, and many do not get to have loved ones or families. You make an
impact on the world, but you make a great number of sacrifices to do so, and
you can never take the credit you deserve."
Eggsy nodded. He wasn't sure he wanted to do that. He'd never really thought
about being a spy before, not outside of wild Bond-like fantasies. He'd always
thought joining the army would be tough, would take him away from home and all
over the world, but he also never thought about having to hide what he did.
Part of the appeal, the fantasy ideal he'd made in his mind, was taking care of
his mum, making her proud just like his father had.
Looking at Landon, with the man's sharp features and the way he could make his
eyes go cold and how reserved he could be, Eggsy figured he was made for the
work. Now that Eggsy knew what he really did, it seemed to fit. It was hard
even to imagine him going back to just being a particularly austere tailor
again. Or ever having the same uncertainty Eggsy was feeling now about his
life. But Eggsy also didn't really want to think about what he was going to do
when he was older. It seemed like such a long time from now.
"You like bein' a spy?" Eggsy asked.
"I do. I get work that I enjoy, and opportunities I wouldn't have if I had a
different career. I'm not much for people to begin with, so it wasn't a great
hardship to adopt the social restrictions required for this work." Landon
shrugged. "It's not like the movies, or the books. Your side doesn't always
win. The same is true for a conventional soldier. Not everyone ends up to be a
good fit for this, but I can't imagine a different sort of life."
Eggsy nodded. Never before did he think he'd have to live with so many secrets.
Doing that for a job, too, was hard to imagine.
Eggsy asked Landon more about his father, and more about the organisation, and
surprisingly, Landon was open. He responded in calm, measured tones, telling
Eggsy a little about the places Harry had been to, places he'd sent Eggsy
pictures of, and why he'd really been there. They didn't move for a long time,
but when Eggsy's thoughts eventually began to linger on Harry coming back and
he grew tired of conversation, Landon set him up at one of the workstations and
pulled up a computer game for him to play. After so much upheaval, Eggsy was
glad to have something simple to focus on, even if half his mind was still
racing.
Landon didn't turn the room's many screens back on, but he resumed whatever
he'd been doing on his laptop. Time passed in companionable silence that was
much more relaxed than Eggsy had felt around Landon before. They didn't exactly
have an understanding, but the thread of tension and uncertainty had vanished,
more so than even the time right after Landon had taken him out shooting and
watching martial arts.
Landon's taste in sports, in retrospect, made a lot more sense.
Some time later, a polite rap sounded at the door. Landon got to his feet and
peered through the security monitor. When he unlocked and opened the door,
Harry stood on the other side.
***** Chapter 26 *****
Harry's hair was in disarray. His suit was rumpled. He looked exhausted, but
wired, like he was running on fumes, but his eyes locked onto Eggsy, half out
of his chair at the desk, right away.
"Eggsy." In one motion, Harry stepped inside and crossed the room in three neat
steps. While Landon shut the door behind him, he gathered Eggsy up into his
arms and lifted him off the floor. Right away Eggsy could feel how hard Harry
was breathing, like he'd all but run down there to find them.
Eggsy held on like Harry was going to disappear if he didn't. Everything
flooded back to him in that moment. Eggsy wanted to cry. He wanted to kiss
Harry, and he wanted to yell and hit him. Most of all he wanted to be held and
reassured - that Harry wasn't going to get in trouble, that he wasn't going to
get taken away, that he'd only lied because he'd had to and he wouldn't lie to
Eggsy anymore.
"'m sorry I followed, but I found stuff in the house and I had to know, and
then I got guns pointed at me and... and you were supposed to tell me if there
was more dangerous stuff in the house but you didn't. I don't want you to lie
to me but I don't want you to go away. It's not really bad, that I know things
now, right?"
"No, Eggsy, it isn't. It'll be ok. And I'm sorry, I am so sorry...." Harry sank
to his knees, burying his face in Eggsy's neck, holding him just this side of
too tight and stroking his hair. "I never wanted you to find out like this. I
wanted to tell you myself, someday when you were ready. I'm so sorry...." Harry
didn't seem to care that Landon was watching, even though he couldn't have
known that Eggsy now new about Landon's knowledge of their relationship. Eggsy
felt Harry's lips press to the side of his neck and hold there before Harry
moved to the more appropriate spot on his cheek. "Are you alright?"
"No. Well... kinda, but not really." Eggsy still was raw, and the numbing
vibrations of shock still filled his body and mind even after a few hours, but
he was... more settled. Landon and Baxter had helped a little, but things were
only starting to get better now that Harry was right there in his arms. "Nobody
hurt me or nothin'. I wanna go home, but I'm guessin' we can't. I didn't mean
to get you in trouble. You just-... a knife came out of your shoe, and your
glasses were funny, and I saw one room was a lift, and I wanted to find out the
truth."
Eggsy had never seen Harry look so pained, or so guilty. He cupped the side of
Eggsy's head and nodded. "You must have had no idea what to think." Harry was
surely remembering Eggsy's questions about the mafia. Harry closed his eyes. "I
know I promised to tell you about those things. I couldn't...I could keep most
of them out of the house, but not all, and not all the time. I couldn't keep
that promise." Harry opened his eyes and looked straight into Eggsy, his brows
furrowed, his brown eyes searching, hopeful, desperate. "But do you...do you
understand why? Did Landon tell you what I am, what this place is?"
"You're spies, or somethin', and Landon says you're not allowed to tell anyone.
And that that's why mum didn't know that dad was really a spy, and how he
really died." Eggsy frowned in return, and his fingers picked at the cuffs of
his sleeves. "I don't know why you couldn't tell me, though, because you know I
can keep secrets. I never told anybody any secrets, but you told Landon stuff
that was supposed to be secret. Or... well, he said he figured it out, but you
still told him and didn't tell me about that either."
Harry glanced to Landon and then back to Eggsy and Eggsy knew he'd caught Harry
off guard. Still, Harry's composure didn't change much. His fingers threaded
through Eggsy's hair. "He did figure it out. On his own. I had to, and I know I
can trust Sean. I didn't want you to worry. I know...the two of you got off to
a bit of a rocky start and....I didn't want to make it harder for you." Harry
sighed, a sad smile curling at the corner of his mouth. "One secret at a time,
I thought. And that was my failing." Harry had lowered himself to Eggsy’s
height with the boy sitting on his lap and Harry still wrapped around him, it
made Eggsy the taller of the two for once with the way Harry folded himself
down to get close. "Can you forgive me?" Harry asked quietly.
Eggsy was silent for a few seconds. Harry waited patiently, and eventually the
boy shifted uneasily and looked up. "Don't lie to me anymore, alright? I don't
care if it makes me worry. You don't have to worry about me tellin' anyone, I
promise. I don't wanna feel like there's... all sorts of stuff I don't know
about you, or like you can't tell me stuff. Some of the stuff you didn't tell
me about was dangerous." Eggsy rocked back and forth in Harry's embrace,
burning off nervous energy through the motion. "I forgive you. I just don't
want you keepin' secrets from me anymore."
"Okay," Harry whispered. "Okay." His fingers curled around the back of Eggsy's
neck before he drew Eggsy in for a kiss to the forehead. Harry wrapped his arms
around Eggsy again, pulling him in close, tucking his head under Harry's chin.
It felt like Harry was afraid of losing Eggsy, of him slipping away right then
and there. Just as Eggsy had been afraid of Harry being taken away hours ago.
Eggsy felt another kiss to the top of his head while Harry held him.
They sat like that for a long minute before Harry moved again, looking up at
Landon. "Arthur's asked to see me. And you as well."
"Of course he has," Landon sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose to stave
off a wave of irritation. "Although I don't know why he wants to see me. I'm
not in charge of headquarters security, and I'm hardly to blame for Eggsy
deciding to sneak in. It won't matter, as I'm supposed to be omniscient."
"Is that your boss, Arthur?" Eggsy piped up. His features were stricken with
worry again. Eggsy knew what it meant when an official at school wanted to see
you, and the experience was never pleasant. "What's he gonna do? Harry?"
"Probably give me detention." Harry gave him a wry smile, but he grew more
serious. "Try not to worry.” Harry brushed his fingers through Eggsy's hair one
more time before he climbed to his feet, helping Eggsy up along the way. "I
need you to stay here for the time being, and not to leave. No matter how
curious you are, no matter how long it takes, I need you not to go wandering
through the halls. This is very, very important. Do you understand?" Harry
levelled Eggsy with a look more serious than Eggsy had seen on him in recent
memory. It wasn't cold, nor stern like Landon's, but he knew Harry meant it.
"But..." Fear raced through Eggsy's veins. For only a moment, he entertained
the thought of what might happen if Harry never came back. Eggsy would sit,
trapped in the stark little room with only Baxter for company, until he finally
gave up and went to escape, only for the guards to hunt him through the
building. Eggsy swallowed. "I won't," he amended. "But you're coming back soon,
right? I don't want to wait here for hours and hours by myself."
"I will come back as soon as I can. It won't be hours. And if I absolutely have
to, I'll send someone for you. Sean is head of our operations and there is no
place more secure than this room." Harry squeezed Eggsy's shoulder. Harry
glanced around and could see that Eggsy had been using the space although it
was doubtful that a few computer games could keep him occupied while he waited
now, wondering what was happening to Harry in some hallway on the other end of
the building.
Eggsy nodded but didn't look any happier. Waiting had already stretched him
thin. He was tired out, bored from being stuck in one place so long, and still
very scared. Adults lied, after all. He knew that very well now. His mother had
often told him lies about how good things were to keep him from worrying, and
Landon and Harry could be doing the same thing. "Will you... tell me about it,
when you get back? And we can go home?"
Harry didn't smile and reassure him. In fact, the elder man's mouth thinned a
little. "Arthur may want to speak with you, or have me speak with you, before
we leave. This is a very...unusual circumstance you've managed to get yourself
into. We might be asked to stay for a while longer yet." Harry squeezed Eggsy's
shoulder again at his pained look. "Whatever comes of it, I'll be back soon.
Will you be alright by yourself until then?"
"Y-yeah. I guess." Eggsy didn't sound certain, but he knew there wasn't another
option. He would have to be alright with staying in the room until they could
leave. Baxter's presence made the idea less depressing than it would have been
otherwise, but Eggsy's entire day had been spent waiting. Waiting to get into
the shop. Waiting for someone to activate the lift. Waiting to see what was on
the other side of the underground railway. Waiting for Harry while trapped in a
room with Landon. All Eggsy wanted to do was go home and warm up the chill that
had spread through him starting from the moment he'd seen what Harry's glasses
could do. "I don't really want to talk to this Arthur though."
"Duly noted." Harry nodded and let his palm drop with finality. "I'll avoid it
if at all possible." He turned to Landon and with little more than a look
passed between them, Landon went for the door. Harry straightened his suit and
gave Eggsy a small smile. "Wish me luck," he said before he turned on his heel
and followed Landon out the door.
It clicked shut behind them, the gentle sound belying the weight of the steel
door. Eggsy could already guess that it was locked from the inside as well as
the outside.
With inches of steel between them, Harry gave a long sigh before he started
moving again, coming up to Merlin's side as they walked. "What the hell
happened after he got here?"
"Security panicked, as you might imagine. They thought our headquarters had
been discovered and that a security loophole had been found that would allow
children soldiers or suicide bombers to sneak in. It was fortunate that one of
the audio channels I had running in the background was for headquarters. It
only took a glance at the screen to determine it was Eggsy, but the staff
didn't recognize him and were ready to shoot on the off chance that he was
wired for detonation." Merlin huffed out a sigh. "Training has to improve. If
our personnel are so flustered by an unusual occurrence, we can't assume that
they won't panic and make a situation worse in the event of a real emergency."
Harry wasn't thinking of security personnel. All he could see in his mind's eye
was Eggsy, running terrified through the halls of headquarters with the men
Harry had worked with for the past decade hot on his heels. Harry could feel
his face setting into hard, familiar lines.
"And he knows you know?" Harry ran through every scenario on how that could
have happened and he didn't like any of them. If that got out to anyone other
than Merlin and Eggsy, Harry needed to hear about it now. He'd been struck off
guard badly enough in front of the boy.
Merlin went quiet. He wasn't proud of how he'd handled the situation,
regardless of the provocation. "He does. I'll have to brief you on what I told
him. He connected things back to your comment about trusting me if something
went wrong. Rather than have him think that you told him one thing while doing
another, I claimed that I guessed, which isn't terribly far from the truth of
the matter."
Harry nodded once, the knot in his chest unfurling by degrees. Merlin had done
the right thing, and it was in fact very close to the truth.
"No one else overheard?" Harry asked as they turned the corner and stepped into
the elevator that would take them up to Arthur's office. They didn't have much
time, but Harry had to be sure that he could anticipate Arthur's understanding
of the situation. If there were rumours flying about, then Harry would have to
contend with that as well.
"No one. Eggsy threw a fit in my office." Harry would know what that meant.
Merlin's office was the only place in headquarters that he was certain was
secure. Merlin regularly swept it for cameras and listening devices. The chance
that anyone else had managed to sneak an undetected device in and heard the
conversation was very remote. "I expect that Arthur will be preoccupied with
how Eggsy figured out the lift existed at all, and whether he can be trusted to
keep quiet. He doesn't like to leave loose ends scattered about."
Harry nodded and closed his eyes, steeling himself. "Thank you, Merlin."
That hardly should have conveyed what Harry meant, but he had a feeling Merlin
would hear it regardless. They stood in a moment of silence before the lift
slid to a smooth halt and the doors chimed. Harry took the lead as they stepped
out into the gilded halls of the mansion. Arthur's request for Merlin's
accompaniment had to be based on more of a hunch than anything. Harry knew he'd
not been so careless as to let Arthur come into suspicion of their side
projects, but the man was no fool.
More than enough evidence was already there, after all. Merlin had been seen
being unusually sociable with Harry and been involved in assignment
redistributions. Some sort of bond was between them. Speculations aside, Arthur
would want to know who to hold accountable for the security complication they
now faced, and blaming the two staff members that tended to irritate him was
more acceptable than admitting to the fact that their protocols and
headquarters design had security flaws.
At the end of the hall, both men stopped. Merlin rapped on the closed door
before opening it to let them both in. Arthur was already waiting behind his
desk. In another life, the man might have had a kindly, grandfatherly air to
him, but Arthur was all sharpness and ice and simmering disapproval.
He waited for the agents to step inside and close the door behind them to
speak. "Galahad, I presume you've been informed of the situation?" Not waiting
for them to take a chair was less than proper form, but it was merely one more
sign of how furious Arthur was. He steamrolled on before Harry could respond.
"I want to know how it happened, whether you've divulged information about our
organization to this new ward of yours or whether you were careless enough for
him to find out on his own."
Harry scowled and pulled up a chair while Merlin did the same beside him. "He
found out on his own, and not due to my neglecting protocol."
Arthur scowled even further until he wore an expression far more disapproving
than Harry's. He turned to Merlin next. "Would you say that's a fair assessment
of the situation?"
"I would. Galahad has never been the sort to let sentiment or complacency put
Kingsman or a mission at risk." Merlin didn't so much as glance at Harry.
Breaking eye contact with Arthur would only make him more suspicious that they
had something to hide and were coordinating their efforts. "As I'm sure you
know, I've visited Galahad's home while the boy was in residence. I never saw
anything out of place, never saw protocol not being followed. Protocol was
designed to withstand investigation from an adult, however, and children's
minds work in different ways."
Arthur didn't look like he liked that response at all. "Plenty of knights have
had children before. I realise you're essentially a single parent now, Galahad,
but that's hardly an excuse."
"Some of us are not content letting nannies take over the care of our
families," Harry grumbled. "And plenty of those same knights told their
children exactly what they were doing when the children were old enough. You
well know how much of a family business this is."
"I very well do," Arthur fairly growled. "Which is another reason I'm wondering
why you let a boy adopted, the son of your failed little experiment, get so
close to knowing such things. Especially without consulting the organization
first."
Harry raised a brow and otherwise remained motionless. "Considering that he
just showed all of us up, I would hesitate to call that experiment 'failed'."
"I doubt, as well, that other knights were keeping their offspring in the dark
as completely as claimed," Merlin added. "Inevitably they end up in the same
position as Harry's ward. They're close enough that discrepancies begin to
appear and they begin to doubt the explanations that they're being given. It
speaks well to the boy's potential that he was observant, clever, and had
sufficient physical skills to be able to figure things out or access parts of
the house so quickly. He's had a fraction of the time and experience of other
knights' children, yet managed to see past everything."
Arthur's gaze fell to Merlin, disapproving and frustrated. Perhaps he'd half
expected the tech agent to back up his position in opposition to Harry. Arthur
couldn't have been totally that naive, but the part of him that was so used to
getting what he wanted might have been hoping.
"I am not happy about this," Arthur said finally. "That boy is not one of us.
There are reasons why it is safer to relax the regulations around our own than
it is to outsiders, and most agents understand that." Arthur ignored Harry's
deepening scowl. "I would hesitate to give the boy undue praise for what may
have very well been a fluke or a lax in our own security. But now that he's
here I'd like some reassurance that he won't be going off to tell anybody."
Arthur folded his hands in front of him and leaned forward, fixing Harry in a
stare. "Is that something you can assure me won't happen? Because if not, we
will have to find other arrangements for the boy."
"I can assure you of his silence on the matter." Harry was absolutely still
when he replied. Only Merlin could detect how tightly he was holding himself.
"From what I know of the boy, he has limited people in his life that he could
tell. He's estranged from his entire family, and with good reason. He's begun
to see fewer of his old friends, and I'm assuming that Galahad intends to
transition him to a public school, where he'd be around the children of
families we have ties to." Merlin crossed his legs. The gesture did exactly
what it was supposed to do; a show of confidence and informality drew Arthur's
attention away from Harry. Merlin could weather Arthur's displeasure. Arthur
didn't dare get rid of him. He wasn't replaceable, and as such was more value
alive than dead, knew too much to be permitted to walk, and performed too well
to not be essential to operations. Merlin cleared his throat and continued. "If
necessary, it wouldn't be difficult to increase surveillance."
"I was about to suggest it," Arthur replied, glancing at Harry and then back to
Merlin. "And I'd like you to oversee it. As you said, you have some familiarity
with the boy already, and I trust you will not be as swayed by Galahad's charms
as other techs have been in the past." Harry rolled his eyes. "But if either of
you object, I'm sure we can work something else out."
Harry allowed his jaw to tighten, a minor twitch but one that wouldn't escape
Arthur's attention, and nodded. "I'm willing."
"I have no objections. This is a perfect opportunity to test our filament
trackers. I'll need access to the boy's clothing to install them, but that will
hardly be a chore." Merlin's gave turned upwards as he did a few calculations.
"If you grant access for me to requisition a few personnel, it shouldn't take
hardly any time to scout and install some street cameras. We can alter the
boy's phone within the hour, as we have plenty of control chips to filter,
block, and monitor calls."
Arthur nodded. "Take all the available equipment and personnel you need. If
anything like this happens again, I want to know about it while we have time to
prevent it. And Galahad, I do not want to be bothered by this again. If that
boy of yours shows any indication of tattling, there will be no 'next time'."
Harry nodded, letting Arthur see a graveness replace his usually optimistic
expression.
"You'll also be on lockdown and make up duty for the foreseeable future. Any
shit jobs that come in are going straight to you, no arguments. And now that
your boy knows what you're up to, there should be no need to avoid long
absences."
Harry's jaw tightened for real that time, but again he nodded. "Understood."
Arthur sat back and gave him a long look before he nodded in return. "Then
you're dismissed. And Merlin, anything strange at all--I want to know about it.
Otherwise, I don't want to hear about this incident ever again."
"Understood, sir." Merlin got to his feet, still giving Arthur his full
attention. "I'll be documenting the additional security precautions. The report
will be available if you care to see it. Otherwise, I won't bother you with the
logistics."
When Arthur waved a hand in dismissal, Merlin gave a sharp nod and turned
towards the door.
Harry followed. The click of the door behind them sounded ominously loud in the
quiet of the manor hallway. They walked a few minutes in silence, putting
distance between themselves and Arthur's office.
"...all things considered, that could have been far worse."
Harry took a deep breath. "It will be if this ever happens again." They stepped
into the lift and headed back down, but Harry was itching to talk. "It goes
without saying that I can't allow that."
Easier said than done, and they both knew it. Eggsy knew about Kingsman now and
that would put a damper on his curiosity. Harry could tell him many things that
he hadn't been able to before, but...there was still much that Harry could not
reveal. Much that had little to do with Kingsman.
Harry reached out and stopped the lift, knowing they wouldn't have much time to
hold it, but speaking in the middle of the hall was too inconvenient. He felt
long overdue tiredness seeping into him as he turned to Merlin, shoulders
slumping with the weight of it. "Thank you. For all of this."
"You're welcome." Merlin's gaze skimmed Harry, taking in the exhaustion. Harry
was normally so playfully optimistic that the change worry had enacted upon him
was appalling. Merlin's hand twitch, half-rose, then fell back to his side.
"We'll have to talk more, some other time. There won't be time for it now.
Eggsy will need to go home, and Arthur will want me to begin work immediately.
I'll update you on what I've done when I can. As far as convincing Eggsy not to
talk, that will have to fall on you."
Harry closed his eyes and nodded. A weary smile touched his lips. "I know, I
know. I think some rest will do wonders on that front. And I think we could all
use some." He clapped his hand around Merlin's shoulder and squeezed, seeing as
the other man wouldn't do it himself. Harry allowed himself a moment's more to
feel the tiredness and then straightened again, pressing the button to resume
the lift. They stood shoulder to shoulder in silence for a minute more and then
stepped back into the halls of Kingsman's underbelly.
The long walk to Merlin's office drew Harry's insides tighter and tighter, not
knowing how Eggsy would be feeling by the time they arrived. They paused only
briefly outside the door, exchanging a glance before Merlin raised his key
card.
Eggsy had climbed up onto Landon's chair and slumped across the empty bit of
desk - a spot that immediately made Landon frown. Eggsy sat up the moment he
heard the door open and saw the two men step inside. The boy's gaze locked on
Harry, who hadn't quite managed to disguise all of his fatigue and worry.
"Harry? Are... did things go okay? Do we get to go home now? I don't have to
talk to anybody, do I?"
Harry gave him a tired smile. "We can go home." He stepped closer to Eggsy and
drew him off the chair. Harry's arm wrapped around him in a tight embrace.
"Everything is alright, although I will need to talk to you when we get back.
There are things you need to know. And I'm sure you have many questions still.
But all of that can wait." Harry watched his hands sliding through Eggsy's hair
as the boy tucked himself into Harry's waist. Today was such a close call. A
part of Harry thrilled at the thought of being open with Eggsy about his work.
The possibilities.... The way Eggsy might look at him more often like he did
when Harry talked about working with Lee in the forces years ago.... But Harry
quickly restrained the notion. There were so many reasons Eggsy might look at
him in fear instead if he were to regale the boy with tales of everything he's
ever done for the organization. He raised his eyes to catch Merlin as the tech
agent moved into the room.
Merlin looked everywhere but at the pair of them. He had turned to one of the
cabinets to unlock it and pull out a book Harry remembered well - equipment and
work hour requisitions. Merlin likely already knew exactly what he needed to do
and what was required to achieve that, but a pretence at work was better than
the alternative: projecting just how uncomfortable he was with the situation
and the reunion in his office.
"I just want to go. Let's just go." Eggsy's voice was muffled from where he was
pressed against Harry's shirt front. "You can yell at me later if you want. I'm
not going to try to sneak back here again."
"Yes, yes, we'll be on our way." But Harry paused in leading Eggsy towards the
door. He wasn't sure what happened exactly while he'd been on that flight, but
what he could piece together told him that Eggsy and Merlin had some rather
serious conversations. Both of them had seemed to be on relatively decent terms
by the time Harry arrived, unless he was mistaken, but the one thing he knew
for sure was that Merlin had saved Eggsy and had kept him from getting into
even worse trouble. When Eggsy looked up at him questioningly, Harry raised his
brows and glanced in Merlin's direction. "Do you have anything to say to Sean
before we go?"
Eggsy clung to Harry, turning himself just enough until he could see Harry's
friend. They'd gotten to know one another a bit better, but Eggsy didn't know
what to make of the man, and Landon was still intimidating. "Um... sorry again.
About the mug and the yellin' and all that. It was nice to meet Baxter."
"I'm sure he enjoyed meeting someone new. That doesn't happen very often."
Landon looked up from the binder he'd been perusing. The sight of Eggsy curled
around Harry's waist summoned a flicker of an expression that was almost
instantly suppressed. "Try to stay out of trouble. Remember what we talked
about."
Eggsy nodded and once it was clear that that was all he had to say, Harry gave
Landon a brief smile, one that he hoped convey everything they'd discussed and
how soon they would talk again, before he turned and led Eggsy out into the
hall.
"I don't suppose you've brought anything that we're forgetting about, no?"
Harry asked and Eggsy shook his head. "C'mon, then. Back to the tube." Harry
led Eggsy, arm around his shoulders, through the winding, sterile halls until
they became familiar as the ones Eggsy had first seen when he arrived. The
entrance to the tube platform where he'd been accosted by security was
particularly memorable, but not for its view of the hanger below.
Eggsy shied away from the few people they passed, staying withdrawn until they
got into the tube and were being whisked away from the undergrounds
headquarters and all the people in it. Eggsy kept staring at Harry, looking for
clues about what had happened - with the trip he now knew was a mission, or the
meeting with the person called Arthur - but all he could tell was that Harry
was tired. Maybe even a little disappointed.
"Are you mad at me?" the boy finally asked. "I wasn't... tryin' to get you in
trouble. I just had to know, after I saw the video."
Harry sighed and let himself slump into the cushioned chair. "I know why you
did it. I wish you'd have told me what you'd found before you came here and put
all of us in jeopardy, but...I know why." Harry watched Eggsy's face fall as
his disappointment settled into the boy's mind. "I...understand why you felt
like you couldn't tell me, and why you thought you had to come here to know.
And to get me to tell the truth." Harry reached between them and laid his hand
over Eggsy's arm. The thought of this destroying things between them weight
heavily on his mind.
"You would have lied if I'd asked," Eggsy stated quietly. It wasn't even a
question in his mind. Harry had lied before, when he'd started to spot things
that led to this secret. "Like with the gun and stuff. I still don't know why
you didn't tell me. You know you can trust me with secrets. I wouldn't have
told anyone that you were a spy. I don't really know what it means, like who
you spy for and what you do, but..."
Eggsy swallowed and looked down. From that angle he could see yet another
difference between them. Harry's legs reached all the way to the floor, while
his own dangled off the edge. Dress trousers set against jeans. "I guess it
hurts, that you couldn't tell me and kept lying to me. About you, and my dad
too. I would've wanted to know what my dad really did, and what happened to
him, instead of you tellin' me it was top secret and you couldn't tell me
nothin'."
Slowly, Harry bent forward and gathered Eggsy up, guiding him out of his seat
and into Harry's lap. This would be on surveillance, he knew, but it was also a
very easily explainable gesture after what Eggsy had been through. Harry tucked
Eggsy against him and wrapped his arms around the boy's back.
"I regret that, now," Harry said softly. "I felt that it was something I
couldn't risk. Not because of you, but because of them. Kingsman does not
condone the unnecessary risk of life, but if they feel they have to, that will
not stop them from taking very unpleasant actions against you. I've been warned
as much, should anything like this happen again."
Eggsy stiffened. His mouth opened and closed. A thought occurred to him that
was so upsetting, Eggsy couldn't help but press closer, as if proximity alone
would keep it from happening. "Wait... actions like what? Landon told me that
they wouldn't take you away. They couldn't. You tried to keep everything secret
like they wanted, and I didn't mean any harm by diggin'. I'm not going to tell
anyone, I promise. I don't want them to take you away."
"I know. It's alright now." Harry stroked Eggsy's back and held him firm. "We
just have to make sure it stays that way, and I believe you can. They simply do
not have as much confidence. As it stands now, they won't. Sean was telling the
truth. But we cannot scare them like that again, okay?" Harry looked into
Eggsy's eyes and saw the fear. Eggsy's fists had tightened in his jacket. Harry
hated to do this to him, but he couldn't lessen the seriousness of what had
happened.
"I don't even know what scares them. I'm not going to sneak in again, I don't
even want to. There was nothing but guns and people who didn't like me and
sitting around bein' trapped in Landon's room. There's no reason for me to go
there, 'specially if you're not there." The thought of losing Harry filled
Eggsy with terror. He couldn't imagine life without him. He couldn't imagine
having to go and live anywhere else, even if he went back to his mother. "What
don't they want me to do?"
"It's very simple, really. All they want is for you to go on as normal, for you
not to try to sneak into their dealings again, and, most importantly, never to
reveal their existence." Harry tried to sooth Eggsy with touches, with the
comfort of his arms, but it could only do so much. "If you can manage that,
there's nothing to fear. And I can help you. Now that you know, there's no
reason for me to keep those kinds of secrets from you any longer. We can talk
about it together, if you like."
"Yeah. If it's not going to make them mad. I want to know more, but not so much
that I want to risk them takin' you away." Under all of Eggsy's fear, a spark
of anger came to life. It wasn't fair for Harry's organization to threaten them
like that. He hadn't done anything really wrong, and he'd apologized. Threats
didn't seem like something that the good guys would do. "Can you tell me what
they do? What they have you do? Or am I not allowed to know?"
"I can tell you that. Perhaps not every detail if there are certain world
leaders involved, or other agents, but I can give you a good summary. And we do
a little bit of everything, really. We do what the Queen and country cannot do,
in terms of secrecy, because we are an unknown agency, unlike MI6, secretive as
they are. We are also not beholden to English politics, although I will confess
there are a great deal of internal politics within the agency that have had
long standing traditions. Nevertheless, it gives us much freer rein to do what
needs to be done without the complications of bureaucratic oversight. Kingsman
works under its own set of principles, and we do the best we can to make the
world a better place." Harry pulled his mouth into a half smile. "I'll think up
some memorable missions to tell you about, after we're rested."
"Is that why you really got hurt that one time? Not a mugging?" Harry's work
had to be dangerous, if Eggsy's father had been doing a mission with him when
he'd died. Thrilling as it was to know that someone so unique and powerful
loved and wanted him, Eggsy couldn't help but think maybe it would have been
better if Harry had just been an ex-soldier and tailor. Now every time Harry
left the house, Eggsy knew it would be for a mission, and he'd worry. "And...
um. Could you really tell me, this time, if there's more dangerous stuff in the
house? 'Cause your shoe almost stabbed me while you were gone."
Harry let out a tired laugh and rubbed his face, careful of the glasses. "There
are the shoes, and the watch, which you've already found. I usually don't keep
them in the house unless I'm taking them back with me, but my cigarette lighter
is a--ah....hand grenade." Eggsy's eyes widened and Harry had the sense to look
contrite. "I keep an umbrella that doubles as both a shield and a long-
barrelled pneumatic projectile device. It also keeps out the rain. I have
another weapons cache in the safe in my closet, as well as one hidden in the
kitchen and the living room. You already know about the handgun stored in the
garage. The house's security system is patched into the Kingsman network, so if
anything happens while I'm out, or key in the correct code while I'm there,
they will be alerted to an emergency." Eggsy just stared. Harry let his smile
dampen somewhat. "And yes, that time I came back injured from a
'mugging'...that was really due to an altercation during a mission."
"...does that happen very often?" A very different sort of fear now settled
into the boy's eyes. The idea that Kingsman might take Harry away was only a
threat, and one that would never happen so long as he was well-behaved. Harry
couldn't quit his job, though, and that meant going off into danger. Danger
that Eggsy's own father had only gotten a taste of before it had ended his
life. "Do people ever come to the house? They know you're a spy, and that's why
you have to have weapons all over?"
"It's a possibility, but it's never happened before. I'd rather have a cache of
weapons on hand and not need it than need one and not have it." Harry let his
fingers run through Eggsy's hair before he restrained himself from indulging as
much as he normally did. "I'm very good at what I do, Eggsy. The times when I
come back from a mission with any lasting injury have been few and far between,
and I have a very good support team backing me up, Sean being the most notable.
I intend to keep it that way for as long as I can."
"So that's why you're good friends? Because he helps you on missions?" Eggsy
supposed that made sense. He'd seen movies with similar things: friendships
between soldiers working together, or friendships between spies. "Is he like...
your Q, or somethin'? Like in James Bond. I'm guessing it's really different
from the movies, since everything else seems to be?"
Harry laughed outright at that and let his head fall back against the headrest,
looking down at Eggsy fondly. "You'd be surprised. Some of these things get so
outlandish.... But yes, Sean is indeed very much like my Q. You could
practically say he works magic in that operations room of his." Harry's smile
turned crooked again. Tentatively, he began to hope that this could turn out
ok, that he and Eggsy would go back and have a nap and a long talk, that Eggsy
would still love him and forgive him, and forget about all this business with
Kingsman. Because Harry could tell that Eggsy did really love him.
"I'm still gonna worry. Even if you're really, really good at being a spy.
Landon better help take care of you, or... or I'll do more than break his mug."
Eggsy had no idea what he could manage to do against an adult with all the
gadgetry and power of a spy organization behind him, but he'd do something. If
Landon and Harry had truly been friends and partners for years, the other man
would already know to take care of Harry. The threat simply made Eggsy feel
better. "Can you tell me, when you have to go places, when you'll be back and
where you're going?"
"I can do that." Harry peered curiously down at Eggsy. "You broke Sean's mug?"
He was just about to further that line of questioning when the tube began to
slow. Harry looked up and gave Eggsy one last shoulder rub before they came to
a halt. He had to set the boy back on his feet, and Eggsy looked even more
tired than he'd been back at headquarters. "Definitely time to get you home,"
Harry said as he led Eggsy back out onto the platform and called for the lift.
It wasn't long before they were back in the shop again, like stepping out into
the real world. Harry nodded a greeting to Dagonet, who returned the gesture
without a word as to Eggsy's presence.
Eggsy stayed as close as he could to Harry without them tripping over one
another. Dagonet hadn't looked angry, but then maybe he didn't know how Eggsy
had snuck past him. Or maybe he was being polite to Harry. Eggsy didn't think
he could take being yelled at or frightened any more that day.
The walk to Harry's car was, thankfully, very short, and the streets weren't as
packed with people as they could have been. Everything turned into meaningless
background noise. All Eggsy cared about was the sight of Harry walking beside
him and the warm feeling of the hand enveloping his own. Eggsy sank into the
passenger seat when they reached the car and fought off an urge to sleep.
Harry held onto his hand for as long as he could, and after that, he glanced to
Eggsy every few minutes on the ride home.
Everything was exactly the same as it had been when they stepped through the
front door, just waiting for them, but Harry wondered if Eggsy would see it
differently now. Even he felt a certain quality of unreality about the house,
about the space that had been so normal the last they'd occupied it, and was
now changed.
The door clicked shut behind them and Harry let his hand run along the back of
Eggsy's neck. "Would you like to come up to bed?"
Eggsy's stomach took the opportunity to growl. The boy's mouth twisted, first
in embarrassment and then in a half-grin, fighting off the urge to laugh. The
day had been surreal, but being hungry was familiar and ordinary and oddly
grounding. "Yeah. Although I haven't eaten much today, just a bit a breakfast
before I left to... wait around and try to see where the lift in the shop went.
I don't really care, though. Jus' want to be with you, if you're goin' to bed."
"Let's get you something to eat, or your stomach will keep us both up." Harry
offered Eggsy a warm smile as he went into the kitchen to see what he could
find. Something quick, but hearty. After that much stress, Harry feared Eggsy
would be in dire need of the energy. Eggsy followed, the exhaustion seeping
into the hunch of his shoulders and the droop of his eyes, while Harry whipped
up sandwiches. Harry was tired from the mission and that much worry over the
plane ride, but he was practised at forcing himself on when needed.
Before long, Harry set a plate before Eggsy and told him to tuck in. Harry was
still too stressed to think about eating, himself.
The sandwich vanished in record time. Eggsy kept his eyes on Harry as he ate.
He didn't want to miss a second, after all of his worries about whether Harry
was going to be taken away. The boy slid away a plate full of crumbs and got to
his feet. "Do we still gotta talk? I'm really tired. Can we just go to sleep?
We can talk more tomorrow morning, then, if you want to."
"No, I'd much prefer to just go to bed as well. We can talk later." Harry
picked up the plate and put it in the sink before he placed his hand between
Eggsy's shoulders again, this time intent on leading him upstairs.
Eggsy dragged his feet as they went, so Harry picked him up halfway and carried
him up to Harry's room. Eggsy was so boneless in his arms that Harry had to set
him on the bed and help him remove his clothes before Harry went searching for
pyjamas. Inside, he was immeasurably relieved that Eggsy showed no signs of
objection to sleeping in Harry's bed, that he let Harry touch him and help him
with simple things, like pulling the soft, cotton shirt over his head and
didn't shy away. Harry had worried about such things for hours.
If Eggsy felt betrayed by the lies, it didn't show. Neither had his trust
wavered, at least in physical things. Eggsy might prove more reluctant to take
Harry's words and explanations at face value in the future, but he turned into
Harry's touch. He let Harry help him into his pyjamas and laid quietly on the
bed, watching Harry without a hint of mistrust or accusation as he waited for
Harry to shed his clothes and join him. When the older man raised his arm,
Eggsy scooted into the hollow he'd made without hesitation, a relieved look
crossing the boy's face.
Harry wasn't mad at him and he still wanted Eggsy there. There was nowhere else
Eggsy would rather be.
Harry drew a finger down his temple, down Eggsy's nose, brushing against his
lips, around the curve of his small jaw. It was so light and delicate that
Eggsy's eyes closed for a long moment. Harry was so lucky, he thought, to still
have this boy. Far more than he deserved, perhaps. He leaned in close and
brushed his lips against Eggsy's, as soft as his fingers had been.
"Let's sleep in tomorrow," Harry murmured. He wanted to keep Eggsy in bed with
him, lazy and content, for as long as he could.
"Yeah..." Harry barely heard Eggsy's reply. The boy was already drifting off
now that he was warm, fed, safe, and close to Harry. In mere seconds, Eggsy was
asleep. His breathing evened out and deepened, and the tension left his body.
Trust was such a fragile thing, hard to restore when broken, but for the moment
Harry still possessed it.
***** Chapter 27 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
As per Harry's suggestion, even though they'd gone to sleep earlier than their
normal bedtime, they slept late into the next morning. Eggsy woke to Harry
curled around him and sun shining down upon them through the tall window. It
was warm and comfortable and familiar. He had woken up dozens and dozens of
times like that on weekends and especially now that he was on summer vacation.
It took him several long moments to realise that he wasn't just lying
comfortably with Harry's arms around him--Harry was awake. His eyes were open,
half lidded and lazy, and he was just watching Eggsy.
"Y'miss me or somethin'?" Eggsy couldn't imagine why Harry would be like that,
except if he'd gotten scared one of his coworkers might shoot him. Or if he'd
worried that Arthur, whoever he was, would really keep them apart. Eggsy
supposed that if he thought about how worried he'd been about losing Harry the
previous day, he'd probably watch Harry sleep, too. "Not like I'm goin'
anywhere, 'cept if you are. You're the top secret spy that sneaks out to travel
all over."
Harry snorted a laugh into his pillow. "Indeed. But yes, I missed you. And I
worried whether you were alright or not. Really alright." Harry's hand trailed
down Eggsy's back, familiar and soothing. He looked just as comfortable as
Eggsy felt. Harry was warm. So were his eyes, but there was a quiet worry
underneath, one that he might have been thinking on for some time. But Harry
warmed to Eggsy's teasing. He searched Eggsy's face to see that it was genuine,
but there was hope in his eyes as he did so.
"I guess. I'm still mad that you didn't tell me after you promised, even though
I know you weren't allowed. And I'm still gonna worry about you ever time you
go on a tri-...a mission." Eggsy's groggy playfulness turned to subtle
apprehension. He'd been too tired to have disturbed dreams, but his waking mind
latched right on to the things that had bothered him the previous day. "Were
your pictures before from the countries you were really in? Or were they
pictures from somewhere else so I wouldn't know where you were?"
"No, those were real," Harry said with his smile only a little dampened. "I
liked...having some way to connect with you, even when I couldn't tell you why
I was really there. I did want to show you all those places, and more." Harry
clasped his hands behind Eggsy's back and bent his head closer, nuzzling
against Eggsy's cheek before he placed a kiss to his collar bone, like Harry
was making sure it was ok. He pulled back up and resisted making any further
movements, except for his hands which couldn't seem to stop touching Eggsy's
back.
"Could you tell me stories? About some of the things you've done? And maybe
some stuff about my dad? How'd he know about joinin' and becoming a spy,
anyways?" Children were truly resilient. Just a small amount of affection and
reassurance and Eggsy's worries began to dissipate - for the moment, at least.
The boy would have a lot of time in which to remember his fears when Harry next
had to travel for work.
That was perhaps what Harry feared most now, that Eggsy would feel differently
about it once he was alone, once he wasn't still just so happy to be alive and
have Harry back. Although that did bode well as a sign that Eggsy needed him,
wanted him, even if he had doubts about Harry now.
"Your father did work for the military most of his career. I was the one who
invited him to join Kingsman. Or, at least, gave him the opportunity." Harry's
smile softened, but he didn't let it falter. "We only invite a new agent to
join when a position opens, that is, when an agent dies or retires and that
spot needs to be filled. We all keep an eye out for potential candidates, as it
is our job to propose someone for the new role when such a thing happens, and
then the proposals enter a competition for the job, but it's not something that
happens very often. Many agents simply hold ties with certain privileged
families as a pool to choose from, but I'd never liked that practice. I found
your father by inquiring about the Queen's most promising young soldiers during
a visit with a two generals I'd become acquainted with over my time at
Kingsman."
"So it's a posh club? Like how everyone from public schools knows each other,
and hire each other or help with politics and the like." Eggsy remembered
Michelle and her friends complaining about such very often; things never
changed because no matter who you voted for, they were all part of the same
club that didn't understand or care about common people. "But you were
different. What'd the generals say about my dad? Did you like him?"
Harry's smile grew a little wider. "He came recommended very highly, since they
had little idea what they were recommending him for, only that he came with top
marks. And I did like him. I wouldn't have proposed him if I didn't, or if I
didn't think that he would get on well with the other agents, practically
speaking, even if he came from a very different background." Harry looked
distant for a moment. "That was an important quality that Lee possessed. There
were times when he deeply resented the upper class, and certainly he believed
that changes in that regard were in dire need if we wanted to better our
society, but he didn't let it colour his interactions, person to person. Unless
the matter was directly called into question, he could work with the other
Kingsmen just as well as he could work with the other soldiers. In so doing, he
might have even changed a few long held prejudices." Harry's finger dipped into
the small of Eggsy's back. "Although maybe that's a bit of wishful thinking on
my part."
Eggsy beamed. He always liked hearing positive things about his father, but he
especially liked hearing that Harry had liked him and thought highly of him. It
almost felt like getting praised himself. "The other agents didn't like him at
first, but they did eventually. Right? Or was it like..."
Eggsy frowned. "I don't remember what he said, exactly, but Landon said
something about how you and him made people angry, or teased them, or
somethin'. And that you couldn't get in trouble because you were too valuable,
and he knew it because nothing really happened even if you made people angry
before."
"Ah. Yes.....that has been somewhat of a modus operandi in regards to myself.
If I dare say so, Sean is a little better with going about it unnoticed,
although he's had a few run-ins with authority as well. Usually...when I was
involved." Harry's smile turned sheepish. "But no, I think many of the knights
and even some of Lee's competitors genuinely liked him. Some in spite of
themselves." Lee had a certain kind of honesty about him that people were drawn
to. He was up front with people, just like Eggsy was, apart from his youth.
Harry may have been kind when he wanted to be, well-meaning often enough, and
very polite and pleasant to talk to, but Lee's particular brand of likeability
was something he would never be able to embody. He wondered if that quality
would stay with Eggsy when he grew up, even if he had lived with Harry all that
time and taken on Harry's secrets.
"What kind of run-ins have you had?" Eggsy could well imagine Harry getting
into trouble, simply because Harry had a playfulness about him. Neither of them
seemed to be much for authority. Whatever Harry had done, Eggsy thought the
stories must be entertaining. Harder to imagine was grim-faced, withdrawn
Landon getting into trouble, especially if he didn't interact with people much,
like he claimed.
"Ohh...usually me convincing Sean to go along with one of my more questionable
ideas on the less dangerous missions. I swear I get into trouble more often on
my off hours than the truly dangerous ones. But Sean isn't a complete killjoy.
He likes to have a bit of fun as well, or, watch. I once attended a gala with
the cover story of a painter of modern art and a terrible southern American
accent. I let Sean guide my conversations through the whole thing and, though I
did acquire the relevant blueprints to the host's mansion, which were important
later, that particular American accent was banned for at least three years
after. Until one was finally relevant to a mission, of which I was sadly not
selected." Eggsy looked like he didn't know what to make of that at all. "The
newspapers in my office?" Harry went on, "I pick one up and hang it the day
after I return from a job. Every time. Reminders that I hadn't let the world go
to shit, that society went on, completely unaware."
"I wondered why you liked gossip papers so much. Mum kinda likes them too, the
ones about who's cheating on who and if aliens have been spotted and someone
finding lottery winning numbers on their toast. We couldn't afford to buy them,
though. She'd take old ones home from the hairdressers when they were done so
she could read them." Eggsy paused, considering for a moment the unlikelihood
of some of the headlines he'd seen, then blinked as it occurred to him that
most would find it just as unlikely that a bunch of aristos posing as tailors
were actually spies. "Nothin' in them actually is real, right?"
Harry arched his brows, a fond gesture. "No, Eggsy. I'm afraid The Sun's
journalistic standards are not that high." He shifted to get closer, burrowing
into the blankets a little more so that he could tuck them under Eggsy as well,
no intentions of leaving their little nest. "I do enjoy the whimsy in some of
the headlines though. 'The Judge and the Rent Boy' is one I'm particularly fond
of." Harry quirked a smile and let his eyes turn mischievous, watching
carefully for Eggsy's reaction.
"What's a rent boy?" Whatever the joke was, Eggsy didn't understand it. Harry
was smiling like something was funny, the same way he always did when he was
teasing, so there had to be more to it than just enjoying articles from The Sun
like his mother did. "Like a maid? Someone you pay to do chores an' stuff?"
Harry's smile curved at the corners and he shook his head slowly. "A male
prostitute. Someone who has sex for money, often young, attractive men."
Harry's eyes crinkled when Eggsy's widened. Harry didn't move his hands from
Eggsy's back, but he knew the boy would be suddenly more aware of their
closeness, and Harry liked that thought, even if it led nowhere. He could go on
about 'illicit relationships', but Eggsy would be able to put it together by
now, and Harry didn't feel like drawing more attention to the secrecy of that
between them, even amidst the secrets of his work.
"I didn't know... men did that." Eggsy's voice had taken on a breathless
quality. He had only known that some men liked other men from hearing negative
things about it, after all, and women who liked sex got negative comments too.
Both of those things had likely combined to ensure that such a concept wasn’t
often talked about; after all, who else would pay for a male prostitute?
"It's... You like that idea? About rent boys?" Eggsy bit his lower lip. He
could feel Harry's hands pressed against him, low enough that the touch could
quickly turn sexual. "You know I'm not with you 'cause you have money though,
right?"
"I know that very well." Harry bent closer until he was looking into Eggsy's
eyes, inches apart. He still had that mischievous air about him, but he was
keeping it restrained. "I think the idea can be...very arousing, although the
realities are often far less glamorous. But if you know you're safe and wanted,
regardless of money, and I know the same... Well, it can be a nice thought to
entertain." Harry's eyes lingered on Eggsy's mouth and Eggsy knew exactly what
he was thinking about. Harry got that look sometimes when he was thinking back
to their first encounters, sexually, or even their first interactions that
weren't particularly sexual.
"So it's like a game? Like with the pirates?" Eggsy understood that well
enough. He hadn't wanted Harry to really be kidnapped or hurt, but he'd liked
part of the idea of it. Harry being helpless and needing comfort, and him being
the one who was able to save the day and take him to safety, only to be
showered with affection and favors for doing so.
Once Eggsy understood it in that light, the boy gained an edge of excitement.
He didn't know what kind of games Harry liked to play, but pretend was one that
he could do very well. "Is that somethin' you like enough that you wanna try
it?"
Harry laughed, surprised. He even blushed. Eggsy could see it even if it was
faint. "Yes, I suppose that would be like a game, but I don't want to frighten
you. Or for you to merely think that I'm paying for you to be here with me." He
made sure Eggsy's gaze was locked on his when he said it. Eggsy needed to know
that, especially now. That wasn't worth risking for a game. If Eggsy was sure
enough in his position at Harry's house, there would be other games down the
road. Even if the thought of him stepping into the house as a stranger,
uncertain but willing, expecting a sizeable payment in return before he was on
his way for Harry to call again at a later date.... Even if that thought was
very tempting with a willing Eggsy.
"I don't think you're payin' for me to be here, Harry. You'd be bribin' me with
stuff all the time if that was true," Eggsy laughed. From what Eggsy
understood, Harry was wealthy enough that he could afford to buy all sorts of
things and take Eggsy on frequent vacations. Had Eggsy been nothing but a
bought lover, Eggsy thought he'd know it. "I don't think you're very
frightening, even though I know you're a spy now. I kinda like the idea of a
game if it means you're gonna spoil me a bit."
"Do you now?" Harry asked softly, but not hesitantly. He considered for a
moment and then cocked his head. "I imagine you could charge a fine price for
your services.... One that I'd be willing and able to pay. However...." Harry's
eyes lifted again, digging deep into Eggsy, "There would be a great many things
I'd ask of you. To indulge me with. Of your body and perhaps with a keepsake or
two. I am a lonely old man, after all, who only wishes I could have someone
such as yourself for company every day." Harry's hands dipped lower, rubbing
over the curve of Eggsy's arse above his pyjama trousers.
Eggsy lightly punched Harry in the shoulder. "Ain't that old. Ain't very lonely
anymore, either. What kinda things do you mean, though, with keepsakes and the
like? You mean photos, or is it stuff like in those sappy romances where people
put bits of hair and necklaces, that sort of thing?" His mother had been quite
into such romances. Eggsy had never understood why some of the people in the
movies had done some of the things that they had, like hair in lockets and
swooning over handkerchiefs and fighting other people to death over gossip and
honour.
"Hmm, something along the lines of photos," Harry mused, "but you'll have to
strike a deal with me to find out. I'm sorry I'm not a soppy romantic." He
grinned at that, knowing Eggsy wasn't really hoping he'd be into the stuff
Michelle was. "I'd make you a proper meal to discuss our terms over, make sure
you were paid in full, cash in hand...and then and only then, I'd take you up
to bed with me." Harry's smile curled. "And you'll have to do everything we've
agreed upon, no backing out. Although, I have this suspicion that I'll enjoy
your services so much that I'd like you to come back, so I'd likely be a very
generous lover." Harry let himself slip inside the fantasy for a moment, but no
more. Even he wasn't sure if this was moving too fast after Eggsy had been
through too much. His trust in Harry was already shaken. That could easily, so
easily, happen again.
"No backing out? Even if it gets scary?" Eggsy pondered the offer. Part of him
was tempted purely due to the look on Harry's face. He'd played along for
Eggsy, after all, and the idea of this sort of fantasy game obviously made
Harry happy. It seemed only fair that Eggsy play pretend with him.
Part of the boy, however, wondered what Harry liked about the idea, and what
would happen if he couldn't do what they'd agreed upon. "What if you try to do
something we didn't decide on in the beginning? Or if we find out I can't do
something I thought I could?"
"Well, perhaps some backing out could be acceptable," Harry conceded. He raised
his hand to Eggsy's cheek, letting his fingertips play in the fine tufts of his
hair. "I don't know if I could forgive myself if I hurt you. And I would like
you to come back, after all." Harry let his face grow soft, trying to convey
that he meant it. He could feel his own heart beat faster. This was something
they would have been laughing about before, surely discussing much the same--
Harry would have made sure Eggsy wanted the game--but there was a weight to it
now. Every word he spoke and idea he laid down was heavier than before.
"Why are you all worried? I wouldn't say yes unless I wanted to play with you."
Perceptive as ever, Eggsy didn't understand why Harry seemed so anxious. They'd
played games before. They'd had sex before, many times. All that had changed
now was that Eggsy had grown a bit wary of Harry's word. The older man kept
most promises, but sometimes he lied, and well enough that Eggsy couldn't tell
when he was or not. "'s not like I'm not gonna come back. You can't lose when
playing pretend."
Harry smiled, but Eggsy could see that it was for him. "Sometimes you can have
doubts, still. I...don't want to lose you to those kinds of doubts." Either
Eggsy wanted to forget about Kingsman quickly, or he still implicitly trusted
Harry more readily than Harry had thought he would. Harry wasn't sure either
wouldn't backfire on him when Eggsy did have the time to think about it,
however. He had to address this now, so that Eggsy would remember that as well
when the time came. Harry resisted the urge to bend forward and continue the
thread of this game, to kiss Eggsy on the mouth and nibble on his neck. It was
hard when the invitation was there, when Eggsy wanted things to be normal
again, when Harry would be welcome.
"Yeah. I guess so." Eggsy fidgeted. Now that Harry wasn't going forward and
sweeping him into fantasy, the boy had to face all the thoughts that had
percolated the day before. Understanding why Harry had lied didn't make his bad
feelings go away. If he'd touched the wrong thing in the house in the wrong
way, he could have been injured or killed. "I guess... it's hard, y'know? You
did all of your promises before, except these last ones. And I asked you about
stuff a few times and you lied and made promises that you weren't gonna do. I
want you to promise that there's nothin' else that's a secret, that you're
lyin' about, but I won't know if that promise is real or not either. Y'know?"
"I do know." Harry traced his thumb over Eggsy's cheek and felt something that
had been long coming stirring inside him, wholly unpleasant. "I'll protect you
as best I can, and I'll try not to make you any more promises that can be
broken so easily." The feel of Eggsy's skin so soft under Harry's fingertips
was a treasure even as a slow, insidious kind of dread slipped inside him. He
could keep it down well enough, he knew from experience, but it would always be
there now. And yet still there was nothing more glorious than Eggsy soft under
his hands, looking up at him with love in his eyes even if it was uncertain.
Harry took a breath before he spoke again. "My life is full of secrets, Eggsy.
Very inconvenient secrets. That's something I...have to live with."
"Why? I mean, I know why for the spy stuff, now. That could be pretty dangerous
to have people know, and that's besides your boss getting mad at you. And I get
why we're secret, even if I don't like it. 'Cause people don't like regular gay
people very much and especially don't like gay people like us. I just don't get
why you say you've gotta live with all these secrets if you've got me now. I
know those secrets and it doesn't bother me at all." Eggsy looked up at Harry
in confusion. Secrets, to him, were simple enough. You found someone you could
trust, and then you trusted them with the secrets so they didn't burn a hole in
you. Eggsy didn't like the thought of Harry not trusting him enough to share
and tell, or the idea that there were important things that he didn't know.
A look of pain passed over Harry's face for second before Harry curled his
fingers around the back of Eggsy's neck. Harry had to reset himself. Eggsy
still did not see this with the same context he did, but...Eggsy was not wrong
either. "You still think those secrets are ok?" Harry asked, putting as much
directness in his tone as he could muster, willing Eggsy to be sure. Knowing
all the while that Eggsy's sureness now might not last forever. He understood
those secrets of Harry's as best he could with the knowledge he had, but there
was a wealth of it he was still missing.
"I don't like that they gotta be secrets." It was Eggsy's turn to look
downcast. He picked at the bedsheets and avoided meeting Harry's gaze. Seeing
the older man in pain, or disappointed, was not something Eggsy wanted to
stomach just then. "I don't think they should be. Well, maybe the spy stuff,
because otherwise people would find out where you live and try to attack you, I
guess. I just can't stand it. That I can't talk about you and us like that to
someone else if I wanted, or do too much in case someone sees. I was mad that
your friend knows, and then... I was happy, because he was okay with it, but
even then it didn't really change much because it has to be a secret from
everyone else."
Harry's face didn't change much, but Eggsy's words closed around his chest and
gripped it tight. This wouldn't get better, he knew. It would only get worse in
time, as Eggsy wanted to have real relationships, ones that could exist in the
outside world. Someday, he would understand, too. Harry couldn't force a smile
with that thought in his mind. He heard his own breath as he inhaled, and
certainly Eggsy heard it, too.
"That's me, Eggsy. That's the way....I live. That's the way the world is."
Harry curled his fingers in the hairs at Eggsy's scalp, trying to convey that
in spite of how unhappy he might look, that he was glad Eggsy was there.
"It shouldn't be that way, though. Doesn't mean I don't like this, but I wish I
didn't have to pretend to be your son all the time. Or not say what I'm really
thinking about." Eggsy moved closer and curled an arm around Harry's waist.
Confessing unhappiness with the unfairness of the world made Eggsy more
insecure than usual. He wanted the reassurance of touch, and for Harry to tell
him everything was going to be alright. "Landon said I could be more open about
stuff when I'm older, but I dunno if that's true, because won't people remember
that you adopted me?"
Harry let his arms fall down around Eggsy's back and held him tightly. Sensing
Eggsy's need for comfort helped Harry push aside his own doubts. Harry
reflected on what Sean might have said. Sean knew, of course, it was more
complicated than that, but it sounded like he'd tried to reassure Eggsy. "He's
right, it won't matter so much when you're old enough, even in spite of the age
gap. Those who know us might be...somewhat more suspicious though. Including
your mother," Harry warned. He wetted his lips and chose his words carefully.
"Legally, there would be little action anyone could take without evidence of
our involvement beforehand, but socially…she would have enough at her disposal
to turn into a weapon. Although I live very removed from the world around us,
and that would not be the end of me if it ever did come to pass, I do not doubt
that it would be incredibly hard on you."
"It's not fair," Eggsy whined. Harry was doing his best to comfort him, but the
thought that they would always be hiding was causing Eggsy's heart to clench.
He'd thought about such things before, even before he'd met Harry. He'd barely
started to realize things about himself and deal with the shame before he'd
known that, even if he managed to find a boyfriend somehow, things would be
rough. He'd have to worry about being beaten up or fired from jobs, and people
like him weren't allowed to get married. The situation with Harry was much the
same, except that there was no safe place to be themselves but at home. "Why
does it matter to any of them, if I'm doing what I want?"
Harry pulled his mouth into a sad smile. "You'll figure that out, someday," he
sighed. "But I don't think it'll be any easier by then. I'm sorry, Eggsy." He
traced his fingernails down the boy's back. "I'll do everything in my power to
make what we can have enjoyable. To make a haven for you here. For the both of
us. Sometimes...it has to be done that way. If you can't find what you want in
the world, sometimes you can make it yourself." Harry's small smile that time
was real, if still a little sad. Someday Eggsy would have to find out where to
draw the line between what he wanted and what he needed, and Harry was all too
aware that what Eggsy wanted and needed might be changing very soon. They still
had time. A couple years, maybe....
"So we really gotta hide forever?" Eggsy tried to imagine what that would be
like. He could grow up tall enough to really match Harry, to be able to lean
over and kiss him whenever he wanted... except he wouldn't. People would still
think of him as Harry's son, by adoption if not by blood. Eggsy hadn't
considered this when they'd gone to the courts to let him live with Harry. "I'd
do it, 'cause I want to be with you, but... it would be hard. I thought we'd be
like everyone else once I got bigger."
Harry pulled his mouth into a half smile. "Not everyone would be as bad as your
mother. There are simply...certain people we'd have trouble with if they knew."
Harry tried to relax into their pile of blankets and, thankfully, his body
obeyed even if his mind was on other things. He suspected the reality of their
future would be quite a bit different than Eggsy imagined it. Harry stroked a
finger down the bridge of Eggsy's nose, partially to distract Eggsy from his
troublesome thoughts, and partially to distract himself. Eggsy went cross-eyed
for a minute and it made Harry smile. He leaned in for a kiss, intent on
relaxing their conversation a little.
Eggsy went quiet. Harry could practically see the thoughts forming in his head,
although they were quickly derailed as soon as their lips touched. Eggsy was
young enough that he had little experience with resisting distraction tactics.
A few seconds was all it took for the smaller body wrapped in Harry's arms to
relax, and Eggsy's lips parted with a contented sigh.
The future was very, very far away, from a child's perspective. When a year at
school took forever, worrying too much about what would happen in a few years’
time seemed pointless. A few years was a lifetime away, and its problems could
wait.
Harry couldn't be more grateful for it, even if the tightness in his stomach
still lingered. When Eggsy looked back at Harry again, the corners of his mouth
hinted at his contentment and his eyes were alert, waiting for Harry's lead.
"Feeling well-rested this morning?" Harry asked. Eggsy certainly seemed like
it, but he'd been through a lot the day prior. "Or would you like to go back to
sleep?" Harry smiled. "Or. Perhaps we really could stay in bed all day. Order
breakfast in. Never get out of our pyjamas. Well, I say 'never'...." Harry let
some of his teeth show as his thumb dipped under Eggsy's shirt.
"I like sleep, but that last one sounds good." Eggsy squirmed once Harry’s
fingers brushed over his ticklish skin. His mouth set into an impish curve, and
then he tried to give back as good as he was getting; his small fingers ghosted
along Harry’s ribs and down the curve of his hip. Eggsy darted forward, pressed
his lips to Harry's chest... and blew a raspberry, giggling as he pulled back
and looked for Harry's reaction. "Got ya! You gotta be ticklish somewhere.
Aren't you?"
Harry laughed at how ridiculous Eggsy was being, but not from the boy's
wandering fingers. "I'm afraid not," he put on a grave tone. "That's one of the
first things they train out of you in spy-camp. I can withstand any and all
tickling." Harry stretched beside Eggsy and smirked in clear invitation.
Immediately the boy's eyes narrowed, checking him over for weak points even
though Harry was mostly still under the covers and loath to leave their warmth.
This though, this was worth it.
"That can't be true." Eggsy tried to sound firm, but uncertainty coloured his
tone. His hands continued to wander, poking and prodding here and there, but
Harry didn't react except to smile at him. Eggsy frowned at his lack of
success. "Nowhere? How'd they make you unticklish with spy training? Even the
armpits and the backs of your knees?"
Harry shook his head. "Even there. It's a brutal process, I assure you. One I
care not to repeat aloud. I could teach you...but you may not survive. Other
agents never came back." Harry widened his eyes. "Some even went mad." Eggsy
was fighting a smile, but Harry kept his face absolutely serious. He raised an
eyebrow in challenge.
"I like messin' with you though. Death by tickling doesn't sound very fun,
though. If you're gonna teach me somethin', I'd rather it be somethin' cool. Or
somethin' useful. Like..." Eggsy's eyes rolled upward in thought. "How to make
stuff explode. Or how to sneak around without being seen, although I'm already
kinda good at that."
Harry did let his lip curl at that. "Indeed you are. Already working on your
sleight of hand as well." He slipped one hand around to Eggsy's front and let
his fingers crawl up the boy's chest, over his shirt this time. "Blowing things
up is a very, very wide subject of study.... But I might be persuaded to teach
you a little. Work your way up, perhaps. You'd be surprised what household
chemicals can accomplish under the right circumstances." Harry stroked his
finger under Eggsy's chin, relishing in the softness and the way he was keeping
his eyes on Harry.
Eggsy's face lit up with pleasure. Another adult would have refused, but Harry
indulged him. Eggsy felt powerful when he wasn't talked down to and limited
like a kid. "I bet you'll be a good teacher. You've done real good at teachin'
other things."
There, right there, was an expression so rarely glimpsed: lust set in a
childish face. Desire had been carefully tended and watered, sheltered through
the fragile stage as it sprouted, until it had firmly taken root inside Eggsy’s
mind. Nothing about him was shy as his hand slid lower. "You still got new
stuff to show me? Or are we practicin' to see if we get better?"
Harry's teeth showed in a real smile, thrilled that such thoughts had not been
tainted for Eggsy after everything.
"There is always more to learn," Harry dropped his voice, "and rarely an excuse
not to practice." With that, he caught an arm under Eggsy and rolled atop him,
pinning his legs under Harry's weight. Harry grinned down at him and then
kissed the boy. Eggsy's playful side had been ready to come out all morning, in
spite of the detours they kept taking. A part of Harry warned him to be wary of
this sudden optimism, but he also really, really wanted to indulge in it.
"Seems more fun than practicin' other stuff, though," Eggsy pointed out once
Harry pulled back to let him breathe. Harry was a comforting pressure above
him, warm and braced against the mattress so that he wasn't too heavy. "Other
stuff is work, and you wanna get out of doin' it. Even sports aren't as much
fun when you're on a team and people are bossin' you around about how to do
things or how good you are. You never boss me around or tell me I should be
better at somethin'."
"Is that your way of saying you'd rather stay in bed with me than continue your
martial arts practice?" Harry quirked a cheeky eyebrow. "Because you'd still
get a thorough workout." He lifted one hand to tease down Eggsy's body beneath
him, touching through the fabric of his shirt, pressing his thumb into Eggsy's
tender spots just to make him squirm, massaging down his side and wrapping his
hand around Eggsy's small thigh. Eggsy, with his hair all dishevelled with the
sun highlighting the strands, his cheeks, the curve of his beautifully green
irises, looked like he might have been painted into the sheets. Harry bent to
kiss him again, wanting to see the red bloom in his lips.
Harry was so intent on savouring that he didn't get an answer. Or at least, not
an audible one. Confirmation was in the way Eggsy squirmed and wrapped his arms
around the older man, the contented sigh when Harry's fingers moved in soothing
circles and a quiet moan when Harry teased his way into the boy's mouth for a
taste.
It wasn't Harry's imagination that Eggsy clung to him just a bit more than
usual. Eggsy's cheerful demeanour didn't mean he'd forgotten the day prior, or
just how scared he'd been of losing Harry - a fear of loss that Harry happened
to share.
It was their pirate situation in reverse, Harry realised with the strangest
sense of deja vu. Although now it had become reality. Now it was Harry who had
rescued Eggsy and Eggsy writhing underneath him, trying to get closer, trying
to hold onto Harry and thank him for getting Eggsy out of there. Even if it was
entirely subconscious, Eggsy had practised this scene before. Practised it with
a child's mind, preparing for reality, even if it was a reality he never
expected to be true.
Harry caught his breath and kissed Eggsy harder, all the more enamoured with
him for it, for the gratitude Harry felt that Eggsy was back in his home and in
his bed was certainly not lost on him either. Harry untied the drawstring of
Eggsy's pyjama bottoms with his wandering hand and pushed them down to get at
the tender skin beneath.
Eggsy might still have lingering doubts about how much Harry's word could be
trusted, but he trusted him with this. He knew from experience that Harry would
be gentle and listen. He was wanted. Harry had said that he loved him and, for
most of his promises, he'd kept his word to a t. Eggsy had no reason to doubt
that he was loved, nevermind that Harry had endangered him by not telling him
about the weapons in the house. None of that seemed to matter when Harry bent
to kiss him again and Eggsy felt a hand wrap around his cock.
Harry groaned the same time Eggsy whimpered. He tossed the pyjama bottoms away
with his free hand, never letting up on his grip now that he had it. He doubted
Eggsy would last long. He was already so desperate for Harry just to be with
him, to touch him, in whatever way Harry would. Harry would be lying if he
didn't admit to that desperate feeling himself. He decided not to fight it and
reached for the night stand, watching Eggsy's gaze follow his hand, knowing
what Harry was about to do. Harry felt Eggsy's hips buck a little harder into
his hand and he chuckled.
Patience tended not to be a virtue with young boys. Eggsy was slowly learning
the value of anticipation and a slow build, but right then was not the time.
Perhaps later, if Eggsy's good mood held for the rest of the day, but what they
both needed was relief. Worries had spun nets like spider webs all around them,
but reaffirming their love for and trust in one another might burn all that
away for a time.
"C'mon, Harry, don't you got it yet?"
"You'll thank me not to rush," Harry whispered in Eggsy's ear, lowering himself
beside Eggsy and turning the boy onto his side. Like that, Harry could slip one
hand underneath his hip and pick up his ministrations again while the other
cracked open the bottle of lube. He pressed up close behind Eggsy and let his
palm slide down the boy's rear, finger slipping between the perfectly rounded
cheeks of his arse. It was so warm, just like Harry knew Eggsy would be inside.
Softly, he mouthed kisses against Eggsy's neck as he circled his finger,
slicking up the muscle, and gently probed inside.
Eggsy jumped. It never failed. Penetration at the beginning was always a bit of
a shock, more so with how cold the gel felt. It warmed quickly, and Eggsy kept
his breathing deep and even. Eggsy wanted things to go faster, but his body
would only relax so quickly, and Harry had explained some of the dangers
before. Harry wouldn't do anything before Eggsy was ready, which left the boy
minutes to breathe and concentrate on the radiated warmth from Harry's body and
the slight pressure from where his own body was clenched around Harry's finger.
Already Harry was wrapping him in sensation. From his neck down to his groin,
Eggsy was drawn into Harry's touch. Not nearly as intense as what was to come,
but Harry liked to get him used to it in that way. And it wasn't only for
Eggsy's benefit. The feel of his body as Harry slipped another finger into him,
legs squirming just a little, spine arching impatiently, the feel of being
inside him even with just Harry's fingers.... Every little twitch of muscle
Eggsy gave him made Harry want to rush. But he'd done this so many times now,
Harry no longer had to think about what a child's body could take in general.
He knew Eggsy now, much like Eggsy knew Harry. Even if the whole of Eggsy's
sexual experience was based on Harry alone.
With the addition of more lube, Harry slipped his third finger inside the boy,
feeling for the stretch and watching Eggsy's expression tighten. He knew by now
why Harry deliberately stretched him like that, waited for his muscles to
relax, and then did it again, over and over until Eggsy was open enough for
him.
Knew to keep breathing instead of holding his breath, too, although it was
tempting to do otherwise. Harry teased him every now and then, gently brushing
against his prostate with the tip of one finger. A bit of pleasure to sweeten
the discomfort and frustration of waiting until he'd loosened up. Eggsy's
breathing had turned rough around the edges by the time he was ready, and the
cock trapped in Harry's fingers was hard in anticipation.
Eggsy opened his eyes. Turned on their sides like they were, the boy could see
a bit of them in the dressing mirror - just the pale skin of his bared legs and
hips, and a larger silhouette behind him, one arm reaching around to pull him
closer.
He caught half of Harry's face as he turned to kiss up the side of Eggsy's
neck. Harry had to bend to do it. Now that he'd positioned Eggsy closer and
aligned with his hips, Eggsy was a great deal shorter.
Harry didn't notice him watching in the mirror at first. He was too focused on
Eggsy, pulling his legs up for better access, adding more lube, giving a few
strokes to his own cock, which Eggsy got a very clear view of in the mirror,
before lining up the head.
The heat between Eggsy's cheeks was more than inviting. Harry's mouth dropped
open a little as he pressed slowly inside, working his way in by holding
Eggsy's hip steady and pushing his hips forward. It was only when Harry closed
his eyes at the raw pleasure of it and opened them again that he connected with
Eggsy in the mirror.
Eggsy didn't know where to look: Harry's lust-darkened eyes, or the gap between
his parted legs where he could see Harry entering him. If he kept his eyes
unfocused, he could almost see both at once by looking somewhere between the
two. The boy's mouth opened and closed with a soft little whimper. He looked
fragile like this, and owned. Harry's arms were wrapped around him and appeared
strong enough to break him, when viewed from a distance like that and
contrasted with his own slender limbs.
He could have been a toy in Harry's arms, even though Harry held him like he
was coveted. With a little more bending, Harry leaned over Eggsy and turned
Eggsy's cheek to him, breaking their contact in the mirror, but replacing it
with a kiss. Harry sank deeper the moment it happened, pulling Eggsy's hips as
close to flush against him as they could manage. Eggsy felt Harry tremble. He'd
felt Harry do that before, and Eggsy knew it was something that happened when
Harry was feeling particularly overwhelmed.
When Harry pulled away, he kept Eggsy's head turned to him for a moment longer,
letting Eggsy feel the first thrust of his hips while Harry looked at him like
that. Not through the mirror. As close as possible.
Sex like this was still uncomfortable, but much less so now that Eggsy had
practice. He relaxed quicker until he reached the point where it was enjoyable
for him as well, physical pleasure wasn't the only reason Eggsy liked it. The
effect he had on Harry, and the thought of what they were doing, wound him up
like nothing else.
Eggsy didn't know why, but the thought that he shouldn't be doing something
only made him enjoy it more, now that he'd overcome shame and embarrassment.
Men weren't supposed to enjoy being penetrated, or to like other men. They
weren't supposed to enjoy being pinned down. Other people thought that he
shouldn't have what he had with Harry.
And Eggsy wasn't supposed to know what Harry was. Spies were much more
dangerous than tailors, and the moment Eggsy's mind drifted to the thought, he
writhed a little bit in Harry's arms, suddenly remembering pieces of the Bond
movies they'd watched together.
Not to his surprise, Harry released his jaw and wound his arms around Eggsy's
middle to hold him in place. Harry liked it when Eggsy rocked back against him,
but he also didn't want Eggsy squirming away. It was instinct more than it was
anything else, and there were times when Harry let it take over. Being so
grateful to have Eggsy back, so caught up in the boy, this was one of those
times. Harry kissed softly behind Eggsy's ear and their gazes met in the mirror
again while Harry set up a slow, pumping rhythm with his hips. He watched his
own eyes darken as they caught on Eggsy watching back, and then Harry bent to
scrape his teeth along the back of Eggsy's neck.
Eggsy sank into the feeling and arched at the sensation of teeth. He didn't
know what was a better fantasy: that Harry was the hero spy who'd rescued him,
like in the movies, or something darker. If good spies existed, after all, then
bad ones did too. Bad ones that might kidnap the loved ones of the good spies.
Bad ones would be more like the sort to hold him down so he couldn't escape.
A flush crept into Eggsy’s cheeks as he closed his eyes. He didn't think he
should be having such thoughts.
But then there was Harry, nuzzling at the hot splotch of colour in one cheek
while he continued to pump inside of Eggsy. Harry didn't know what he was
thinking, but he'd certainly noticed Eggsy's reaction and he was drinking it
in. Harry's soft kisses were gone, replaced by a hungry mouthing at the side of
his neck, careful at first not to bruise the skin until Harry moved his shirt
collar aside and found Eggsy's collar bone. There he sucked a bright red spot
over the bone, one that would be just hidden by his regular shirts.
Definitely the bad sort of spy, then. Eggsy let out a quiet moan and clutched
at the arms wrapped around him as best he could. The boy felt bad at imagining
Harry as a villain, particularly after he'd gone through so much doubt
regarding Harry's truthfulness the previous day.
That thought sparked yet another fantasy. Eggsy had been terrified about what
sort of punishment he or Harry was going to receive. Death or separation was
something he didn't want to contemplate, but what if... he had been a rival
spy, trying to sneak into Harry's base? If Harry had been called on to punish
him, instead, for his attempt at espionage and infiltration? Eggsy felt a sharp
tugging at one shoulder and knew Harry was sucking another mark into his skin,
and the boy whined and started to struggle - not away, but towards Harry,
pressing back against the older man's hips every time they thrust forward.
The motion caused Harry to utter a deep, rumbling sound from the back of his
throat. His hand that was wrapped underneath Eggsy and across his stomach
gripped him by the hip while Harry's other hand moved to catch his legs.
Harry's hand was wide enough that he could grip both of Eggsy's knees and hold
on while Eggsy writhed. Harry's next thrusts came faster and if Eggsy had any
doubt as to whether Harry thought he was actually trying to get away, it was
laid to rest. His struggles only spurred Harry on.
"You like this now, don't you?" Harry asked, breath coming in pants against
Eggsy's ear. "Is that it? You like knowing what I'm capable of." If Eggsy
wasn't mistaken, Harry sounded like he liked it, too.
Eggsy gasped and his eyes shut tighter. Everything was more intense when he
couldn't see, because he focused on the sound of Harry's voice in his ear and
feeling of every point of contact - everywhere he was being held, and the way
Harry slid in and out of him. "Y-yeah," Eggsy finally whispered. "Am I
captured, now? 'cause I'm an enemy spy, and I saw your whole secret base? Or
are you gonna let me go?"
Harry laughed, deep and rich, before he had to catch his breath again at the
pleasure. "So that's what you were thinking..." Eggsy didn't have to see to
know Harry was smiling, smirking probably. He let himself pump into Eggsy a few
more times, holding the boy tight and repositioning one of his hands between
Eggsy's legs, finding his stiff little cock and stroking it in time. Eggsy
shuddered and Harry pressed flush against his back, leaning down to keep close
to his ear. "I don't think I can let you go now," Harry mused. "I don't think I
want to."
The counterpoint of Harry stroking him was almost too much. Eggsy started to
pant. He couldn't get enough air into his lungs. It felt like falling, but with
complete security instead of fear. Harry had him and wasn't letting go. Eggsy
struggled to put voice to his thoughts. "N-not... much punishment, bein' kept
like... like this. Think I'm ok bein' held captive. So long as you're treatin'
me well."
"Perhaps I'll turn you to my side...," Harry breathed and then licked the outer
edge of Eggsy's ear. "One way or another." Harry's next thrust and stroke
combined drove the point home. Perhaps Eggsy had little choice in the matter,
but he might also never truly know. Harry was making him want to be nowhere
else but there, and Harry had no intention to stop. Harry could be incredibly
convincing when he wanted to be, and Eggsy might never get to test the limits
of this game.
Harry was indulging him right now though by playing along. Eggsy's thoughts may
have drifted to wild scenarios, but Harry was still firmly wrapped up in the
present. Wrapped up in keeping, holding, and owning Eggsy.
The boy's climax came suddenly. One moment he was straining against Harry,
trying to get closer and caught up in a mix of fantasy and reality, and the
next he tensed, exquisitely tight around Harry where they were joined together.
Small hands sought out anywhere they could to hold onto Harry, white-knuckled
from gripping so hard. Eggsy couldn't see. He couldn't tell if his eyes were
opened or closed; everything was darkness and lights and a rush of euphoria
filling him from head to toe.
Distantly he could hear Harry hum against his temple, low and indulgent. Some
part of his mind was still trained on everything Harry did, and Harry didn't
stop thrusting into him either. It was overwhelming, almost too much. Harry
gave him only a little relief by releasing his hold on Eggsy's cock, which made
everything only just bearable.
With a growl, Harry turned them, lowering Eggsy's knees so he could press up
against Eggsy's back and turn him over onto his front, and suddenly gravity was
introduced into Harry's thrusts, pushing him into the mattress and blankets
deeper and deeper. Eggsy caught a glimpse of them in the mirror out of the
corner of his eye. He could barely see himself under Harry, and Harry's eyes
really did glaze over with lust as he moved.
It was another minute more like that, with Eggsy squirming at each thrust,
pressed as deep inside as Harry could get, that he stiffened on top of Eggsy
and shuddered.
Eggsy turned boneless underneath the older man. He was just beginning to feel
the soreness that would stay with him for the rest of the day at minimum, but
he was content, warm, and above all relieved. Things would get back to normal.
He'd had more fun now that he knew a little bit more about Harry. Maybe, after
they were done healing from the hurt his sneaking and Harry's lies had
inflicted on them, they'd be closer than before.
"...stayin' in bed all day sounds like a good idea, now," Eggsy mumbled against
the bedsheets. He could hear Harry catching his breath behind him and it made
his heart twist a little. Eggsy wanted them to stay just like that, happy and
wrapped up in one another.
Slowly, Harry pulled out and moved down Eggsy's body so as not to smother him
too badly. Still Harry couldn't bring himself to move off completely. With half
his weight on Eggsy, Harry was a solid comfort. He kissed Eggsy's shoulder
where his collar had moved down and laughed quietly. He grabbed a tissue off
the night stand and cleaned them up a bit, but after tossing it in the bin,
Harry still didn't move away.
"I think, just this once, I can agree." Harry ruffled Eggsy's hair and let the
boy turn his head so they could look at each other. Harry's eyes were warm and
happy again and all the reservations of that morning had faded away. "I think
I'll make us breakfast in a bit and bring it back up here, shall I?"
"Yeah. Like a fry up, or somethin'. More than usual breakfast." Eggsy was
flushed and beaming, and it was difficult to remember just how upset and
distrusting he'd been the day before. All Harry could see, when Eggsy was
looking back at him, was love. The boy stretched a bit and tried to turn his
head. "Feels like you got me good. How many, um... Do I got a lot of marks on
me? They're... I liked it, but what if someone sees 'em?"
Harry's smile widened. Sometimes Eggsy caught him looking sheepish after he'd
done something like that, but not this time. "I can count three from here, but
most of your shirts should cover them." Harry traced a finger over Eggsy's
shoulder blades from one side to the other, sending tingles down the back of
his neck as it went. Eggsy didn't have to worry about changing in front of
anyone in gym class now, just when he was out playing with his mates from the
estates. He'd have to be careful not to let them notice if they went down to
the skate park or if he was practising gymnastics in front of them.
Harry didn't make marks often. He was usually very aware of the problems they
could cause, but he'd let himself go this time.
"Just so long as I can hide 'em, is all. I don't mind it, 'cept for the fact I
can't see 'em. I just don't wanna get us both in trouble." If they'd been
smaller, Eggsy probably would have gotten teasing about it, but Eggsy was
willing to bet that the marks weren't small. Anyone who saw them would guess
that they were made by an adult. Eggsy tried to turn and see them, failed, and
then turned the other way to try to catch a glimpse in the bedroom mirror. All
three stood out vividly enough that Eggsy had no trouble spotting them. "This
mean I'm yours, then?"
"It would appear so."
Harry propped himself up on one arm and watched Eggsy in the mirror. A quiet
sense of satisfaction seeped into his chest as Eggsy turned his shoulders and
pulled his shirt collar down a little lower to inspect each bright red spot.
They'd darken soon, but that wasn't really what made Harry so satisfied. They
would be lovely on Eggsy, there was no doubt about that, but it was the way
Eggsy looked at the marks, at the little indentations of Harry's teeth, that
made Harry's breath catch.
Harry pressed a kiss to Eggsy's temple before he handed him back his pyjama
bottoms and found his own shorts. "Let me go see what I can put together for
breakfast then. I'll be back in no time at all."
"'kay." Eggsy didn't bother hiding the loss he felt when Harry rolled off of
him and cool air hit his skin. Harry was coming back, but part of Eggsy still
was insecure. He wanted to compensate for that by saying as close to Harry as
possible, but he didn't want to go down to the kitchen. Eggsy considered for a
moment. "I think I'm gonna go take a shower. I don't usually care if it's
sticky and all, but I think it might feel nice. And then I've got something to
do while you're cooking."
At Harry's expression, the boy laughed. "I can have another one later if you
think you're missin' out."
Harry closed his mouth with a click of teeth as Eggsy had practically read his
mind. "Well. Good. Thank you."
He caught Eggsy snickering as he turned to grab his robe and head for the
stairs. Harry wasn't sure whether he was just thrown, or if he should be
irritated that Eggsy had read him so well in such an inconsequential moment.
People didn't do that with him. Even Merlin had to look deep into Harry
sometimes to figure out what he might do next, outside of missions. Inside of
them, Merlin was sometimes like Harry's second brain. It was certainly odd and
Harry decided to put it out of his mind as he settled into the kitchen,
reminding himself not to get too comfortable since he did fully intend on
getting back in bed once he had a tray of food prepared. He started up the
stove and rummaged through the refrigerator, waiting for the familiar sound of
the upstairs shower.
A few seconds later, water began rushing through the pipes. Harry had watched
footage of Eggsy washing by himself enough to be able to picture the routine.
Which towel he'd pick and put on the floor just outside the stall since his
arms weren't long enough to reach the rack Harry used. A flannel rubbed against
the soap Harry had bought him at Tesco so that he'd have his own. The order
he'd wash in, always the same, executed without thinking while the sound and
feel of the water lulled the boy into a relaxed state. Eggsy tended to linger
under the hot water, and so the cameras would only catch so much before getting
obscured with steam.
Harry kept that image in mind while he worked in the kitchen. He took a few
moments to wash up in the downstairs bathroom and then loaded their plates with
eggs and vegetables and sausages, filled two cups of orange juice, put it all
on a tray and carried it upstairs, steaming and smelling delicious as he went.
Eggsy would smell it by the time Harry passed. The sound of the shower was off,
and Harry knew Eggsy would be hurrying, probably as hungry as Harry was since
they'd slept so long.
Harry propped up his pillows against the headboard and straightened the sheets
to make room for the breakfast tray. Eggsy would have to be careful not to
spill--it wasn't often Harry let the boy eat in bed--but he decided it was
worth the risk this time.
Eggsy was a sight when he appeared in the doorway. Heat had given a flush to
his skin, and he hadn't quite gotten all the way dry, which meant that here and
there droplets of water clung to his skin. There had been no point to
redressing in pyjamas, so all that covered him was a single fluffy white towel
around his waist, wrapped several times due to the size of it. As soon as he
spotted Harry in bed, waiting with plates of food, the boy started grinning. "I
tried to be quick but I guess you were quicker, huh? Doesn't smell burnt,
neither. I guess it helps for me to not be in the kitchen distractin' you."
"I'm afraid you'll never know the true heights of my culinary skills except for
these rare occasions," Harry agreed, indulging Eggsy and his attention fixed on
his small figure as Eggsy entered the room and climbed back up on the bed,
nearly flashing Harry with the height of the jump. Harry smiled and reached
over to catch a few droplets on Eggsy's cheek on his thumb, ones that had
probably rained down from Eggsy's damp hair. Harry dried them with one stroke,
seeping into Eggsy's impossibly soft skin. He waited for Eggsy to get settled
and then set the tray and plates in between them, handing Eggsy a glass of
juice to set on the night stand.
The eggs and sausages smelled tantalizing and both of them tucked in right
away. It was Eggsy, however, that held Harry's eye. Moments like that were the
when he still found it difficult, in spite of everything he had worked so hard
for, that Eggsy was really there with him.
Eggsy was oblivious to Harry's mood. As far as the boy was concerned, the day
was off to a fantastic start, and his growing body was prompting him to focus
on his plate now that other needs had been sated. Eggsy had begun to eat more
at every meal and taken shoe shopping not that long ago, both signs that a
growth spurt was on the horizon. "Where'd you learn to cook? Was that somethin'
they taught at public school?" Eggsy paused midway to another forkful of egg.
"Is that where you met other people and got into the spy stuff? When you were
at school?
"That is where I made those first connections, yes, although I didn't know it
at the time. The cooking was something I picked up, well, I suppose from my
dinners as a child, but really it wasn't after I had lived on my own for many
years that I learned how to do it properly," Harry admitted. "Public school and
the spy world didn't teach me much about how to fry up an omelette. Not unless
I wanted to poison it." Harry waited and was rewarded when he caught Eggsy's
pause and glance to see whether he was serious. Unfortunately, Harry was.
"The poisoning being the spy bit, or the public school bit?" Eggsy could see it
going either way. He tried to flash a grin, but the topic was so grim and
unexpected that the expression quickly faded. "Is that why you don't seem to
want to tell me stuff about what being a spy is like, because you have to do
bad things to people? I mean, I kinda guessed, since finding out and thinking
about the gun and weapons and all, that you've probably used them before, but
you're fighting against bad guys, so it's okay."
Harry cracked a smile anyhow. "That's a fair bit of it, yes. We always try to
work towards the greater good, but that often requires unpleasant things be
done on the way." There were far too many nuances to the work convey it all to
Eggsy over breakfast. Eggsy wouldn't understand how the weight of years knee
deep in such work could influence an agent's decisions either. To anyone so
green, and to anyone so young, that would be the most difficult for Harry to
convey. "But, believe it or not, it was public school that taught me that one.
The spy business simply improved upon it, greatly. The boys who thought rat
poison made a particularly good prank that year soon found themselves expelled.
Turns out it's hard to disguise the taste."
"What kind of spy work do you like doin', since I don't think you enjoy
poisoning bad guys? Lots of travel to cool places and sneakin' around?" Eggsy's
ideas of spy life were, of course, influenced by pop culture that was
accessible to children. He had no concept of how morally ambivalent such work
could be. He wouldn't have been told about the more gritty stories from the
cold war, of defectors from both sides and the scandals that had occasionally
drifted to light. He would know nothing about spies before then, either, but
the sterilized heroic propaganda taught in the schools.
"I like the work that allows me to visit exotic places, to eat good food and
see the culture. I like the work that is...challenging, but straightforward.
You never want to be caught up in a mission without the proper intel or find
that there had been key players missing all along. Surprises are never fun, but
if you go in with enough research in a containable situation, then I don't mind
things getting a little...exciting, shall we say." Harry let his smile into his
eyes, wanting to make sure Eggsy saw some optimism in the work.
"What are your favourite missions you've ever been on? You've got some, right?"
From the look of Harry's office walls, he'd had a lot of adventures over the
years. Part of Eggsy felt a flicker of jealousy - all those adventures were had
without him there. He'd not even been born yet, but that was beside the point.
There were things Harry had done that he couldn't share as an experience.
People who had known him for longer would, in a way, always know parts of Harry
a little better.
Harry thought for a moment. "Well, one of my particular favourites was
impersonating an English duke on holiday in Bangladesh. The real duke was there
on holiday as well as I, so I had to be very careful about my timing when
making appointments. I also had to engineer reasons for this man to be
inconvenienced out of attending the parties he'd been invited to, which I could
then attend in his place in order to meet and acquire information from another
dignitary. There was a very unusual air of charm to the whole thing because
this duke had a penchant for sneaking off and getting into trouble himself. I
say charm, but Sean was ready to have my head if I couldn't catch him and twist
his ankle to lie him up in hospital for a few days or some such thing. Which I
did, eventually, but after that I became...somewhat pleasantly accustomed to
taking on his sense of humour and seeing the sights he enjoyed seeing, and most
especially pulling a prank he had planned on another visiting dignitary from
Nepal. Old rivals, those two, apparently. Anyhow, I acquired the information I
needed and the duke was released from hospital only to find stories of himself
getting up to quite a lot of trouble while he was out. He never did find out
what to make of that."
Eggsy laughed, completely delighted. He could easily picture Harry doing all of
that, including carrying out some escapades that would confuse and embarrass
his impersonation target later. "I wish that was easy. I think it'd be fun to
run around pretendin' to be someone else. 'Specially when you get to prank 'em.
Do you get to do a lot of that? Pretending to be someone specific, I mean,
instead of making up a name and stuff and pretending to be someone that doesn't
exist."
"Not too very often, and there has to be at least some resemblance between us,
but you'd be amazed what you can accomplish when you have a team of people
coordinating official calls and forging papers behind you. What would be nearly
impossible to do alone becomes...something of a dance between you, those around
you, and your handlers." A dance that could be put to all sorts of uses, often
used more like a weapon than the simple boisterous fun Harry had so liked about
that mission. "Besides the exciting parts, missions are by and large very
tedious. You study your role, you study the environment, you study your getaway
route, what resources are nearby.... You spend so much time preparing for each
job and then you get there and ninety percent of it is waiting for the right
moment and then the next, and so on and so forth. You have to be prepared at
all costs, but often it can be very dull."
Eggsy considered this. From the way Harry talked about it, being a spy sounded
a bit like dealing with lots of homework and studying for school tests, and a
bit like waiting extra long for a bus, with little bits of excitement popping
up now and then. Not at all what Eggsy thought being a spy would be like.
"Doesn't... your handler do all the busy work, though? All the research and
studyin' and all that. I can see having to wait a lot for the right moment,
'cause I know a bit about that, but it seems weird that you have to study so
much."
"They absolutely do, but that doesn't mean I, as an agent, get to slack off
either." Harry began to relax into the conversation between bites of green
peppers. Eggsy was letting him lead well enough and Eggsy was willing to
listen. He may have had very little reference to compare to what Harry said,
but he didn't seem too sceptical either. "There are times when a handler might
be cut off, or I need to make a split second's decision, and if I'm playing a
role I certainly can't rely on them to guide me through every conversation I
have. You're meant to be a team, so you both do as much as you can. The
handlers will always have access to more information at their fingertips--we
have an extensive database, but the goal is to rely on it as little as
possible. Avoiding notice is critical."
"Is that why you're friends with Landon, then? Because he does that research
work for you all the time, and you've got nothin' to do while you're waitin'
around for the right time to do the next step of the mission?" Eggsy still
wasn't sure how he felt about Landon. That was another aspect of Harry's life
that he didn't get to see. The other man wasn't that bad, but he had almost
nothing in common with Harry from what Eggsy could see. The boy didn't think
he'd automatically be friends with anyone he had to hang out with for long
periods of time, though. He'd be friends with all of his classmates if that was
true.
"Yes that is largely how Sean and I became friends." Harry could hear the
pointed curiosity in Eggsy's voice in that question. "It wasn't instantaneous
by any means. It was more like we became comfortable with each other over the
years. We knew each other. Sean was usually the one in my ear when I was out in
the field and when someone stays with you every step of the way through
sometimes impossible circumstances, you come to trust one another on certain
levels. Almost implicitly. After an even longer time going through missions
together, you start to get to know each other by personality, even if that
person is as reserved as Sean tends to be."
Harry watched Eggsy out of the corner of his eye as he spoke, keeping careful
attention on his expression. Eggsy had had a hard time with Merlin back at
headquarters, and Harry had gathered that had been the case for Merlin as well.
"I don't get why, though. Trust, I get, 'cause that makes sense, if you have to
trust each other all the time on missions. You're just so different." Eggsy
stabbed his fork into the one sausage he had left and pushed it through a
puddle of grease. He tried to pick his words carefully, knowing that Harry
might take offense if he said something wrong. After all, Eggsy would be
offended if someone said bad things to him about Harry. "He's just so different
from you, I dunno how you'd be friends. Like, don't you have to have some of
the same interests and stuff? That's how it was with my mates. We all got along
'cause we were kinda similar, and we all liked skating. Well, and stealin'
stuff," Eggsy admitted with a bit of sheepishness. His mother had been right
about one thing: his older friends had been the one to teach him how to boost.
Harry quirked a smile at that. He reached out to rub his palm over the back of
Eggsy's neck, massaging the tension away. "I see what you mean," Harry
admitted. "And you're right, Sean and I are very dissimilar in personality and,
well, even most interests. But he and I have always had...let's say difficulty
in getting close to other people. For each of our own reasons. I believe that
was the start of it, the impetus that allowed us to form a certain kind of
camaraderie before we were good friends. And after that, a certain 'aligning'
of interests, I suppose you might say, allowed us to become closer. For
instance, he has the ability to understand what I have with you and accept
that, whereas most people don't."
Eggsy had pulled a face at the word 'camaraderie', then softened as Harry went
on. The reassuring touches helped, as they always did. "I like him a bit
better, that he's alright with us. Although I wish we didn't have to hide from
everyone, but one less person is better'n nothing. He's weird, though.
Different than you. You're a good kind of weird, and you like people. I
couldn't believe he's got friends at all, much less a dog. Not the kind of dog
I'd think he'd have, either."
Harry's fingers curled over the back of Eggsy's neck, spreading wide and
resting there, a weight of connection, of comfort Harry hoped. Harry set down
his fork. "There are other sides to him. Ones that you haven't seen, and not
many people do. He plays everything very close to the vest, and though Sean may
not be a very 'likeable' person, he is indeed a person. He can be kind in his
own way."
Harry didn't know whether his word would be enough for Eggsy to trust in that.
In spite of everything, Eggsy did still trust his word it seemed, but
experiences with Merlin would hold their own weight in the boy's mind as well.
"Does this trouble you?" Harry decided to get to the bottom of it, whatever was
eating at Eggsy about the tech agent. "That he and I are friends and yet he
seems so 'cold', for lack of a better word?"
"I think it's weird. You can pick who you want for friends, and I don't think
he's bad," Eggsy clarified. His plate was clean and, without the process of
eating occupying his hands, be began to pick nervously. "I don't understand it,
though. And... I dunno, we talked about things and I got... worried, I guess.
What everything meant, how you were friends and all. Or I thought he'd be mad
at me, and maybe he is still, but I don't think he was lying about being okay
with me an' you. I know he's not cold all the time, either, 'cause he got all
upset. I just..."
Eggsy shrugged. He wasn't at his most eloquent when nervous, and more so when
he didn't know what to say.
Harry furrowed his brows and let Eggsy see the confusion in his face. Something
wasn't adding up. He knew Eggsy had thrown a tantrum, likely due to very
considerable stress and fear, while he was in Merlin's office and that Merlin
had lost his temper and revealed he knew too much in return, but Eggsy sounded
almost...wary of Merlin's friendship with Harry.
Harry moved the tray aside and let his arm wrap around Eggsy's middle, mindful
of the touch on his bare skin. "Eggsy. What exactly did the two of you argue
over in Sean's office?"
Eggsy fidgeted again. He hadn't wanted to revisit the memories, and though he
didn't think that Harry would scold or punish him, he didn't want to admit how
badly he'd behaved either. "Well... um, I really missed you, and so we were
talking about you a bit, so I didn't think about whether your boss was gonna
punish us or how long I'd have to wait for you to get back. He was telling me
about how you were friends, and knew each other for years and years. And I
guess I said something that made him mad, 'cause he told me he doesn't comfort
people and his job is to make new people quit, or somethin' like that."
Eggsy took a deep breath and continued, staring down at his hands and trying to
be brave. Everything started to pour out. "I, um. I got mad and threw my tea
into his wall, a bit. And swore at him, and told him he didn't know you and
wasn't gonna take you away or make me leave. And he got mad and called me a
brat and stuff and that he should have left me with the guards instead of
rescuin' me. I tried to run away but he chased me down and said the guards
would shoot me if they caught me runnin' in the hallways, but... it got better
afterwards, I guess. I was still upset but we both said sorry, and I helped
clean the wall, and he said he wasn't tryin' to steal you even though he likes
you too, 'cause he likes you happy, so he doesn't hate me at all. Or that's
what he said. I guess it's true, 'cause he didn't have to do a lot of stuff for
me or keep that other agent from askin' me a bunch of questions."
Harry tried to picture everything Eggsy described, but he found it difficult.
Obviously there had been a somewhat nuanced emotional context that he was only
just beginning to grasp.
"Were you afraid that Sean and I...that Sean would 'steal' me from you, as you
said? Because you're worried about how close we are?" Harry pulled Eggsy up to
his side and kissed the boy's temple to reassure him before he answered. If
Eggsy didn't feel grounded and secure, he might try to dodge the question.
Harry knew it wouldn't be an easy thing to admit to for someone so young and so
inexperienced. Especially someone who already had so many relationships taken
away from him before.
Eggsy took a moment to snuggle up against Harry's side. Harry seemed
unconcerned, except for the fact that he'd felt so threatened. Comfort and
reassurance went a long way. Harry wasn't going to leave him. Eggsy believed
that, but on that day, when he'd been so afraid and overwhelmed, Harry being
stolen away seemed to be yet another possible threat. "Yeah. 'Cause you're
close and have known each other for years, and he already knew about us 'cause
you trust and tell him things, and he sees you when you're working, and he
likes you too. I dunno. I guess it was stupid."
Harry's brows furrowed again, but Eggsy didn't see it. He decided it might be
better to ask Merlin why Eggsy seemed to think he liked Harry than to prod at
that idea with Eggsy himself.
"Anything can seem threatening when your world has just been turned upside
down," Harry reminded him. "And Sean is very important to me, but you needn't
fear that I have any desire to leave you." Harry fluffed up the pillow behind
them and scooted down on the bed, keeping Eggsy right where he was until they
were both nestled comfortably again. "I went through a great deal of trouble
getting you here, after all," Harry murmured into the top of Eggsy's head.
Eggsy would believe him, even if he didn't know the half of it.
"I had thought... maybe you'd be angry and not want me with you, anymore,
'cause I got too nosy. You explained things and I felt better, but then I
wondered about stuff and kept lookin', and..." Eggsy's arms tightened their
hold. The boy might not have believed Harry would leave now, but it was a
testament to the strength of his emotions at the time that his memories of
events summoned such insecurity. "I kept lookin' and thought you were hiding
stuff. And you were, and I'm not happy about that, but I guess it was 'cause
you had to. But I got both of us in trouble and almost got shot."
Harry sighed softly into Eggsy's hair. "I know.... I know, Eggsy. I really do."
He held that way for a long minute before conviction overtook him. "Doubt me,
doubt what I've done, who my friends are, doubt the institutions I work for,
doubt everything I have ever told you, but do not doubt that I love you."
To a part of Eggsy's mind, he'd nearly lost Harry. To Harry, he had definitely
nearly lost Eggsy. There were so many ways that meeting between the boy and
Kingsman could have gone wrong and Harry knew them all far too well. Arthur had
given him a slap on the wrist, considering. And a strong warning. But it was
Eggsy whom Harry had feared the most. Eggsy who was still growing and changing,
still learning about the world around him. Eggsy who might look back with
different eyes someday. So Harry needed him to know that while he could.
"You're not mad at me, then?" Eggsy had thought for certain that Harry would be
at least a bit angry. He'd done something that was not unlike what his mother
had done to him: disbelieving his words and violating his privacy to dig
through his things. Eggsy would have been very upset if Harry had done anything
of the sort, so it made sense for Harry to be upset with him.
Except Harry never seemed to get angry at him. Harry was the most patient adult
Eggsy had ever met. The boy didn't know whether Harry was naturally that way or
if it was because Harry loved him so much that he was always kind.
"I'm worried. But no...I am not mad at you," Harry admitted. Harry was worried,
but it was difficult to be angry with Eggsy, not when Harry held the boy up
against himself in contrast. There was little Eggsy could do to outmatch him.
Harry would always be far worse.
Harry supposed in this case it was rather convenient. Because that was not the
only reason he couldn't hold Eggsy's curiosity and determination against him.
Harry...liked those traits. Eggsy had done the impossible, or what should have
been for a ten year old boy. In a very secret corner of Harry's mind, he
allowed himself to be proud.
Best not let that go to Eggsy's head though. Harry smiled and he knew Eggsy
felt it.
"Why are you worried? It sounds like nothin' really happened, didn't it? Nobody
took you away, or me away, and you're not mad at me. And I know you're a spy
now, so you don't have to lie to me about what stuff in the house is or when
you have to go on a mission," Eggsy pointed out. "I know more about you now,
and you're even cooler. Not that you weren't cool before, because you were. But
dating a spy is really cool, you gotta admit."
"Hm, that is true." Harry laughed, soft and patient. "But I'm worried how
you'll feel about me later," Harry said honestly. "These things don't aways
sink in all at once. Sometimes it takes a while before you realise how you
feel." Eggsy looked up at Harry and Harry met his eyes, raising his brows a
little in a gesture of openness. That worry might be in the back of Harry's
mind, might have been in the back of Harry's mind, for a long time now, but he
wasn't going to grill Eggsy about it now.
Eggsy looked back in confusion. Harry looked calm to him, but Eggsy couldn't
miss the fact that Harry's words were tinged with worry. The boy might not know
a lot of things, but he'd never lacked in perceptive capabilities. "I'm not
happy you're gonna be in danger, and I'll be thinking about that next time you
go on a trip, but... it's not like I mind you bein' a spy. It's not like you're
a bad spy, doin' bad things. I don't want you to travel a bunch, but I know you
gotta. And you wouldn't be a spy for so long if you didn't like it. Be a bit
like someone tellin' me not to be me or like the things or the people I do,
just 'cause they don't like some bits."
"Well. I'm lucky you think so." Harry gave Eggsy a tight smile and rubbed his
back. "So...I suppose you realise this kind of work is a bit different than
your Aikido classes by now. Although we do train for such kinds of fighting. I
do hope that isn't too much of a let-down since I know you were inspired by
Sean and myself." Harry didn't think it would be, but he did wonder if Eggsy
would be as enthused about his athletics, especially in martial arts, now that
he knew the real reason Harry could stand on his hands.
"I still like Aikido. It's fun, and I think it could be useful. Not against
guns, but hardly anyone has guns in Britain. Illegal ones, I mean." Eggsy
shrugged. The little tray holding his breakfast plate wobbled, and Eggsy
steadied it before Harry picked it up and set it aside. "Bad guys here seem to
use fists and knives and those... metal things you slide your fingers into,
that make punches hurt more. Or bottles and sticks. I couldn't be a spy, but
it'll be good to know in case anyone gets on my case in school or something."
Harry hummed and nodded. "That's good to hear." Both in that it meant Eggsy
hadn't been doing it just for Harry, and...that Eggsy would continue, which
Harry found some pride in even if he did have to remind himself not to let it
go too far. Eggsy may grow up with completely different interests, different
specialities, ones that not even Eggsy himself cold predict right now. Even if
Harry did have it in his head to introduce Eggsy to certain....survival
techniques.
"I've been meaning to sign us up for rock climbing lessons," Harry began again,
hoping Eggsy would remember their talk many months ago about taking a holiday
together. "I have a trip to France coming up, and I know of several good spots.
I'd like to take you with me this time."
Excitement sparked in Eggsy's face. Harry knew instantly that that had been the
right thing to say. "Yes!" Eggsy exclaimed. "Hell yes I wanna go with you. Uh.
I mean... yeah, I'd like to go. If you're allowed to take me with. I've never
even been out of England, much less done rock climbing." After a moment,
Eggsy's face grew thoughtful. "Does France even have rocks? I thought they were
all wine and herbs and pastures for cheese cows and stuff. Flat and boring."
Harry laughed. "Certainly it does. Some of the best places in Europe are in
France. There are the boulders in the Fontainebleau forest, and of course the
Fressinieres valley along the French Alps. I'll show you on the map sometime,
but you can get quite ambitious out there. I think the boulders would be a nice
starting place for us, however. I'll see if Sean can get me an extra day or two
out there so we can go exploring. Even on a short leash, I don't believe it'll
be too difficult."
Eggsy was a giddy, wiggling mess of a boy next to Harry now. The impish delight
on his face as he looked up at Harry, imagining their holiday, made Harry's
heart warm.
"Aren't boulders all short, though? I ain't that short, that we need to do
shrimpy little rocks," Eggsy countered with a giggle. "I think I can keep up if
you teach me, unless you're climbing rocks where all the things you grab onto
is too far apart. We can climb up somewhere real high and have the place all to
ourselves. And if I get tired, you could always carry me." Eggsy's grin had a
teasing edge, enough that Harry couldn't tell if the boy was serious or not.
"Hah, you think so, do you?" Harry jabbed Eggsy in the ribs and watched him
squirm even more, but it still didn't wipe the grin off his face. "You'd be
very surprised about those boulders though. Little rocks, they are not. And if,
by some miracle, you do scale them with ease, then I'll take you out to the
Alps next. Just don't say I didn't warn you."
Harry leaned back and let himself enjoy Eggsy's enthusiasm. The boy was all
aglow with it, a warm little ray of energy all wrapped up in his arms. Harry
could talk and relax like this for hours.
"Have you been to the Alps before? I've heard some mountains have these funny
sheep on them that, like, they walk straight up walls. Kinda like spiders.
Nobody else could climb, but they manage to do it without any hands to grab
onto stuff. That sounds pretty creepy, so I think that'd be fun to see," Eggsy
rambled. He'd forgotten all about his worries about Harry's safety, or what he
thought of Eggsy, or the awkwardness of the earlier conversation. The boy only
cared that he was both going on a mission with Harry, in a way, and going on
vacation with him. Harry cared enough to take him out to explore places with
him. Maybe, just maybe, if they were off in the wilderness... they could kiss
and act like a couple, because no one else would see.
"The mountain goats, or more specifically the Alpine ibex?" Harry quirked a
brow and laughed. "We'll see who can climb greater slopes. I have been to the
Alps before, in fact may times. They are a particularly good wilderness to
disappear into if you're looking to do so and are trapped in the region. I've
had to take a couple man-hunting expeditions through them even," Harry
admitted.
He continued on when Eggsy's eyes widened in surprise and then disbelief. Harry
left out some of the more disturbing parts, but told Eggsy about the times
Merlin had led him around the mountains, on snowmobile and skis alike, hiking
and tracking, even being forced to camp their. Harry's tale led into others. He
moved onto the Middle East and farther still, recounting missions from India
and all the way up into Russia.
For hours Eggsy listened to him talk, asking questions and even laughing
together when Harry thought of a particularly amusing way to tell his tales,
but in the end, and most importantly, he began to make Eggsy feel more secure
in his work.
Eggsy seemed content to stay like that all day. Harry and his stories
fascinated the boy, augmented no doubt by his love and attraction. Time rushed
by, broken by another round of playful intimacy, a clean up that included
Harry, and another trip to the kitchen.
When the day concluded, Eggsy had fallen asleep against Harry while watching a
movie together. Harry still worried about where Eggsy's thoughts might go in
the future, but with the boy settled against him, Harry felt just a touch
better.
Chapter End Notes
     Next week's chapter might be a week late. Sorry about that, but we're
     happy to have you reading as always.
     Also, apologies for falling behind on responding to comments, we've
     received so many amazing ones over the last couple weeks. Thank you
     all.
***** Chapter 28 *****
True to Arthur's word, Harry was kept very busy over the next several weeks. He
rarely even got a moment alone with Merlin before he was sent off on the
mission to France, for which he had Eggsy join him on the very last day--flying
the boy out to meet him with help from a hired valet, unbeknownst to anyone at
Kingsman but Merlin--and spending the next two days in the south of France
putting their bouldering skills to the test. Agents were always required to
take at least twenty four hours rest before they could be sent on another
mission, not accounting for emergencies, and since Harry wasn’t slated to be
back in the office for another day regardless, the extra day in France went
generally unnoticed.
For Eggsy, however, it was a great adventure. His first time away from home and
everything familiar, and Harry thrilled in showing him the sights and escaping
into the wild together.
Surprisingly, Eggsy did very well for being a rookie at climbing. Not as well
as he'd bragged, of course, but superb for someone with no real experience and
much shorter limbs. The boy was very proud of himself, although he demanded
help in soothing muscles that ached from unfamiliar strain - something that
Harry was only too happy to provide.
They were both loathe to come back to England so soon, but it was unavoidable.
Harry would be noticed if gone for too long, and Eggsy understood that there
would be unpleasant consequences of some sort while Harry was on probation.
They headed back home without too much fuss from a vacation cut short.
After that, Eggsy got a little more used to Harry's late nights and the
occasional absence, even when Harry was just working in London. Harry likewise
found he could tell Eggsy more about his day and that seemed to improve the
boy's spirits at dinner time.
It was a full week after Harry had returned from France before he was able to
meet with Merlin again over anything other than strictly business. The tech
agent had in fact installed several more CCTV cameras along the street outside
Harry's home and had let him know that, officially, the house was bugged.
Nevermind that it had been bugged long before that and the both of them had the
records to prove it. Harry trusted Merlin to keep the relevant details to
himself, and seeing as Eggsy hadn't in fact shown any signs of being a threat
to Kingsman, all was well so far.
Harry was fairly sure, however, that Merlin would be itching to start a new
project of his own soon, and so during lunch one day when things had quieted
down, he invited Merlin to their favourite little tea shop down the road.
Merlin was punctual, as always. Handlers were often very much about control,
and Merlin was no exception to the general pattern.
Both men bought their tea and settled into an alcove in companionable silence.
Habit determined both the location and how they sat. Gaps in one's field of
sight and lack of planned escape routes tended to make for short careers.
Merlin gave the other patrons a quick study before dismissing them all. "So.
Your trip went well, I take it? You've seemed in better spirits since you came
back."
"Mm, very well," Harry agreed, taking a sip. Everyone knew why Galahad had been
getting the shit assignments lately, but he kept up with his additional work
with determination and little complaint. Harry, just like most of the knights,
was prone to the occasional grumble, but he knew Arthur was serious this time.
"Eggsy certainly enjoyed it. He's already looking forward to the next trip.
Says he'd like to go on as many as possible before school starts up again, and
I'm considering it." Harry had decided not to bring Eggsy along on the tail end
of missions unless they were extremely safe, but if Arthur loosened his leash
after the next month, then he might be able to take the boy away on his own
somewhere.
Merlin nodded along, keeping his attention fixed on Harry yet casual enough not
to be too unusual to outside observers.
"I've been meaning to ask whether you've been entertaining any new projects for
yourself?" Harry set his tea down and relaxed.
"A few, here and there. I hadn't decided yet which to pursue, although one
looks very promising. An individual with multiple properties in a few cities,
held under other names, has committed what appears to be insurance fraud
multiple times via planned arson. Already indulging in excessive greed at the
expense of the livelihoods, worldly possessions, and quite a few lives of
others, as I understand people have perished in these fires. It might be
interesting to see him grow overconfident." Merlin sipped at his own tea.
Public places were remarkable things. So long as one remained inconspicuous,
kept their voices low, and their words fairly vague, many topics could pass
without notice.
Harry hummed, thinking it over. He could see how Merlin would be drawn to such
a man. "You're thinking fire would be a fitting way to go?" Harry asked. The
idea was too readily available for him not to, whether this man got caught up
in one of his own schemes or an accident mysteriously occurred at his own
residence. He and Merlin were accustomed to reading one another's gazes at this
point, both keeping a lookout in either direction for any patrons heading their
way in passing. When such instances occurred both chose their words carefully
until the threat was gone and they slid back into the conversation. It was
second nature.
"Very. It would be most unfortunate for mistakes to be made upon the next time
of indulgence. Maybe luck will strike and he'll learn a bit of sympathy for
some former tenants who lived through third degree burns." Merlin gave a slight
shrug. Morality wasn't the focus here. Harry knew that Merlin had no interest
in playing at justice or revenge, particularly as he himself would be a target
if his projects were brought to light. Merlin found it far more intriguing to
watch people rise only to crash and burn in a disaster of their own making.
More or less; manipulation towards such an end didn't count, in his mind.
Harry gave a small smile into his mug, one he knew Merlin would catch. "You'll
let me know if and when I can be of service of course?" And compile the
relevant data, likely for them to pour over at a later meeting either inside
one of Merlin's vans or in his office on a quiet night. It had been some time
since the last due to understandable inconveniences in Harry's schedule, and
Merlin's with the nights he's spent installing the street feeds and creating a
backup system to separate Harry's real footage from what he may need to show
Arthur if the day ever came.
"Of course. It should be a relatively simple affair, unlike everything else as
of late. I don't suppose you've had enough time for James to corner you yet,
since you've been on assignment so often. He's very curious about your ward.
Still. I didn't give him much opportunity to talk to the boy, but he can't
believe that Eggsy stumbled in on nothing but pure luck." Merlin paused as a
laughing group of teenagers walked past them to the counter to order. He
continued once they were well out of earshot. "I suspect he's only incredulous
because he knows his nephews couldn't pull it off, so he finds it unlikely that
a boy from poverty and neglect could manage."
"So that's why he's been trying to catch me for coffee since Tuesday." Harry
made a face. "It might have a bit to do with his embarrassment as well.
Everyone knows it was he whom Eggsy followed." Harry stretched and sat back in
his seat, thinking over his next question. "There was something...odd he said
when I asked what had happened between the two of you to get you so upset that
day." Harry began slowly before he set down his mug and allowed his eyes to
smile for him. "He said he'd gotten the impression you might be keen to have me
instead. He was a bit jealous."
Had Harry not known Merlin for as long as he had and had many opportunities to
closely observe him, he would have said that Merlin had no reaction to his
query. The man was often still and reserved, but something about this was
different. The effect was subtle, but Merlin had been casual, even relaxed, and
now there was an absolute stillness to it all that hinted at tension
underneath. "Was he? He became extraordinarily possessive at one point and
began to destroy things in my office. I never did figure out how he jumped to
that after I told him I wasn't the comforting type."
"Ah." Harry raised his brows and glanced down to his tea. He took a sip again
just to let Merlin sit. He'd known this would be uncomfortable for Merlin,
whether he'd intended it or not. "He was under a lot of stress at the time. And
with everything being so uncertain...." Harry shrugged, a barely perceptible
motion, more like a tilt of his head and a pursing of his lips. "I believe he
has since put away most of his discomfort around you, however." Harry didn't
try to take his eyes off Merlin. It would have been even more awkward, and
potentially disingenuous, to do so.
Merlin inclined his head slightly. The motion served as a nod and, in some
respects, a hint of wary suspicion. Merlin knew that Harry wouldn't have
mentioned the topic had he not had thoughts about its possible truthfulness,
and Harry knew that Merlin would know as much from the moment the words were
uttered. "That's for the best, if you want me to continue to mind him on longer
trips. Children are difficult to manage when you're a point of contention in
their minds."
"Would you mind continuing to look after him in the future, even after such an
argument? I heard he did a fair bit of damage to one of your mugs," Harry
asked. Merlin would know the mug was not the real reason Harry was asking.
Eggsy had also been living with Harry long enough to look after himself for
extended periods of time. It wasn't even out of the question that Harry hire
someone to come in and check on the boy if more than that was required. Now
that Eggsy was comfortable there, loathe as Harry was to let strangers into his
home, it could be done.
"I wouldn't mind, so long as he promises not to engage in any more verbal abuse
or put himself in danger out of spite. I don't intend to let him close enough
to my belongings to break any more mugs." At last, a hint of a reaction bled
through Merlin’s facade - just a sliver of bitterness, hid just as quickly
behind the rim of a cup. "It will be your house, so it will be your mugs in
danger of shattering. I think your boy will be more reluctant to damage things
belonging to you."
"I solemnly give you my permission to break my mugs if it comes to that." Harry
leaned closer and folded his arms on the table. "And I am sorry that he has
pained you with such words. Although he is somewhat insecure....I have told him
that you and I have been friends for a long time and will remain so, even if he
doesn't understand why." Harry knew Merlin's fondness for him, if in fact his
suspicion was true, was not the usual sort of fondness. He hardly felt
threatened by it, even considering what usually came packaged with Merlin's
other fondnesses.
Merlin made a disdainful sound and glanced down at Harry's arms. Such was his
personality, Harry knew; saving face and quickly burying any perceived
weaknesses. Merlin made a habit of cataloguing and exploiting the weaknesses of
others, which made him particularly loathe to expose his own. At least, not
without contingency measures in place. "It's understandable that he's insecure.
He's only just reached double digits. I had told him I had no intention of
meddling with his adopted status. If you've confirmed that for him, perhaps
he'll be more likely to accept it and do away with suspicions that he's going
to be abandoned."
"I believe so as well." Harry took another sip from his mug, but refrained from
sitting back. "He's not asked about it since. And he's grown comfortable,
remarkably so, with the whole business of my vocation." Harry thought about
that for a moment. Merlin was hardly one to have a heart to heart, especially
here and now, but he had a feeling the man would understand the parallels.
"He's given me no indication that he wants to ask me to quit, in spite of all
the fears and insecurities he holds." As young as Eggsy was, he had been
remarkably mature in that regard. He'd seemed to understand, once it had sunk
in, that Harry was good at what he did and had no intention of leaving it
behind.
"That's promising. Someone that age usually does not have that sense of
compromise," Merlin replied after a moment of thought. "Even a great many
people who are much older never shake a particular sense of... entitlement.
They expect, consciously or not, that their companions will change to suit
their tastes and preferences immediately or over a period of time with some
nudging and suggestive comments. The fact that he is comfortable, knowing the
risks of the profession and the amount of travel involved, is unusual and very
fortunate."
"It is," Harry admitted. And it truly was. Eggsy was...something else. Harry
had known the boy was beautiful from the start. It had been the hook, after
all, but the infatuation...that had come on slowly, when he thought back to it.
Those long months of listening to Eggsy and his mother talk about his day,
about what he thought about the world, spoken only in his delightful child's
voice until Harry had installed the video surveillance.
Eggsy was almost too good to be true. Almost. Harry, however, was not, and he
knew it. He could walk in Eggsy's world with ease, it was why he made such a
good field agent, but he would forever be more suited to his own.
"You're worried that your luck will only last for so long." Merlin didn't need
to phrase his words as a question. He knew, as he'd known before what a
dangerous game they were playing, manipulating events while trying to keep
Eggsy in the dark. He'd counselled Harry to be more diligent and cautious in
hiding things and taking precautions, and yet Eggsy was cleverer than they’d
expected. The first veil of illusions had been shattered, and Merlin knew that
Harry had to be preoccupied with the question of what would happen should Eggsy
shatter the rest. Or when, for such an epiphany seemed to be inevitable.
"Yes." Harry's fingers wrapped around his mug, feeling the warm surface against
his hand, but he didn't take a drink. He knew there was little comfort Merlin
would give him, and he preferred that to blind optimism. He only hoped he had
given Merlin some comfort for whatever feelings he did harbour for Harry,
whether they were what Eggsy so clearly thought they were or whether they were
something else. Eggsy had thought it so simple, but Eggsy did not know Merlin
in the way that Harry did.
"I'm going to assume that you've planned for all possibilities." Something in
Merlin's tone was odd. Harry glanced up to find an equally strange expression
on the man's face. Empathy and concern weren't emotions that Merlin was ever
prone to expressing, something that made him noted and avoided by staff and
prospective staff. The expressions fit badly, like a puzzle piece that had been
pounded into place, and yet there they were. "It's not pleasant to contemplate,
but events could go many ways, and some are more likely than others."
Harry's own face softened in return. He took a slow breath, appreciating the
kindness. "Yes. At least in my mind I've made plans. I've put some money away
for him. If I do lose him, I do not want to see him fall into the same traps
his family was sinking into in the first place. I've thought of...places he
might go, to stay, if he does not wish to go back with his mother. There are
several boarding schools he'd do well in, I think. Ones more suited to his
upbringing than our social circles." Harry had considered all these things, but
had been reluctant to make plans for them. Not while the paranoia
was...grounded in reality, for sure, but still little more than a niggling
presence at the back of his mind while Eggsy was doing so well in his care. But
Merlin brought reason, as always.
"You should prepare things for yourself as well. There will be several options
we can give him, if that comes to pass and he chooses to leave, but he'll also
have to choose to accept whatever is offered," Merlin pointed out. "And he
won't be the only one who needs care."
Merlin paused. However much he scrutinized the dark liquid in his mug, no
answers were provided in its depths. The future couldn't be scried, any more
than the complexities of his own feelings on matters. "I know that we have a
very particular arrangement based on the current state of affairs, but I hope
you know that I will continue to assist you with matters, regardless of what I
would prefer to do or your ability to fulfil your end of things, should the
worst come to pass."
Harry looked at the man across from him. Merlin's expression was closer to
normal now, but he still held a particular sort of softness that Harry doubted
anyone else would recognise. A part of Harry wanted to laugh at the notion of
finding help for himself, for what could come close to replacing what he had
now? But he knew better, and not just for Merlin's sake. Harry would need
something to hold onto, something to fill his days with, but if Merlin was
offering to find some new boy.... They both knew it wouldn't be so simple.
Harry nodded his head. "Thank you." He'd have liked to tell Merlin how much he
appreciated everything the man was prepared to do for him, but too much and
Harry would put him off. "If this does happen, it'll become a cold war between
us. I can make arrangements to be separated, but he has nowhere else to go."
And Harry thought it would be worth it, even if in the end Eggsy did hate him
and grew up distant off in some school half the year and with nannies the
other. Harry had always, always known it was likely. But for just a few years
of what they'd had, that might be worth it.
"I'm well aware. His relatives are not an option. The one doesn't care for him,
and the other has gone swiftly downhill. More alcohol, more money problems, and
involved again with her criminal boyfriend as a source of comfort, if not
support. I doubt he'll want to return to that environment." This time,
Michelle's disastrous state of affairs wasn't the result of meddling.
Neither of them were under any delusions that it wasn't Harry who'd put her
there just as neither had really expected her to recover. Even her visits with
Eggsy had been growing further and further apart, down to once a month now, if
that. Eggsy missed her fiercely, but he was still happy at Harry's. Once she
was gone and her absence was off his mind, he cheered right back up again.
"We'll see what comes of it," Harry finally took a sip of his tea and set the
empty mug aside, "but for now plans are enough. I can only hope that if and
when this revelation comes to pass, it will somehow be less than I thought it
was." They both knew that was a tall order. But Harry knew he couldn't let it
consume him now, not this early, lest his own sadness tip Eggsy off.
Merlin nodded. Someone else might have said something optimistic, perhaps even
untrue, to turn Harry's spirits around, but Merlin was not that sort of person.
Far better to be grounded in reality and prepared for the most likely outcomes
than to pin all hopes on what probably would never happen, or so he thought.
"There's time yet."
Harry nodded back. "Yes. And in the meantime...let's enjoy it." He gave Merlin
a half smile. "So do keep me informed on this new project, and we'll chat again
soon." The shop was getting busier now, lunchtime fast approaching, and Harry
rose from the table to straighten his suit. It was strange how Merlin, with all
of his cool efficiency and practicality, could put Harry at ease. There was
something to be said for having someone on his side. Or a partner in crime, as
it were.
Merlin returned the half-smile, but without the same projected confidence, it
fell flat. Harry was the only one, between the two of them, who was practiced
at putting on an optimistic and personable visage. Perhaps Harry was feeling
more optimistic. Merlin was far more certain that he was watching his friend
walk towards a fall, and them too closely tied for him to avoid being dragged
along. For once, he wasn't relishing the thought of what pleasure such a
spectacle might bring. "Soon, then. I'll be in touch."
They walked amiably together through the gathering throng of customers at the
counter, and then parted at the street. It was still not common knowledge that
Merlin and Galahad met for casual lunches outside of work, even if one was
supposed to be keeping tabs on the other. Merlin headed back to the shop and
Harry wound his way around the long way, making a few stops to take care of
errands as he did so.
So long as Arthur received--and dismissed--Merlin's weekly reports on the
continued lack of danger at the Hart household, they were left to do as they
pleased.
They simply had to make certain Arthur never suspected that Merlin was
tailoring the reports and footage to ensure they were overlooked. Arthur
brooked no threats to the organization he regarded as his own personal property
and vision. The agents who had replaced the other founders had never totally
been regarded as equals, no matter how much they adhered to Arthur's thoughts
about what sort of person made a proper Kingsman agent.
Harry and Merlin weren't keen to find out what sort of punishment they might
incur for conspiring to deceive Arthur while possibly placing the organization
in danger.
===============================================================================
Many more months past and Harry took to Merlin's new project with little
provocation needed. One blended into another, and another after that. His leash
with Arthur began to grow longer until Merlin was certain that Arthur had
stopped looking at his weekly reports completely. Harry still wouldn't be in
the clear for a long time, but he was getting some time to himself again, and
some decent missions, too.
Merlin's tinkering with the flight schedules allowed Eggsy to join Harry that
summer in Milan, New York, Singapore, and even Harry's much awaited Venice.
Harry took Eggsy to the beaches wherever he could find them. He indulged in
walking along the shores, collecting shells, and eating from the little shops
they found along the way where Eggsy could see the people and glimpse other
worlds he never would have seen had they stayed in Harry's chauffeured cars.
His delight at watching Eggsy discover the beauty of the world, little by
little, was limitless.
The months of summer melted away, and it wasn't long before Eggsy had to return
to school in the fall. Harry sneaked in one or two little getaways while he
could, but as fall faded into winter he had to concede that Eggsy needed no
further distractions.
Eggsy was quite put out about his lack of escapes, but not overmuch. School
kept him very occupied, particularly with Harry's encouragement, which made
Eggsy more eager than he'd ever been to succeed and earn praise for his work.
When school wasn't eating up the boy's time, Harry provided other things to
fill it: small projects, Aikido lessons, money and an oyster card for Eggsy to
go spend time with his friends, and of course time together at home. Eggsy had
grown since the previous winter, necessitating another shopping trip for
clothing, and Harry treasured every moment he had Eggsy at his side, looking up
at him for approval.
As the days grew shorter and Eggsy spent much of his time away at school, it
was sometimes harder when Harry had to spend a few days away on a mission. The
cold dampened Eggsy's enthusiasm to simply run off to see his friends and the
obligation of homework kept him indoors just as well. It was easier to miss
Harry on those days. Harry always returned with a gift for Eggsy, however. Some
token of his time away. Most often they were trinkets he picked up from
whatever locale he visited. Eggsy had a growing collection of them in his room,
even if it still went unused.
Harry told Eggsy about his trips now. Perhaps not all the relevant details, but
he gave Eggsy just enough to paint a picture of each mission, enough for Eggsy
to turn it into a little action flick in his head with Harry racing fast cars
down the winding streets of some little town in the mountains of Austria or
dodging bullets and infiltrating underground criminal organizations in the
States. Most importantly, Harry always came back safe and whole.
Eggsy checked, every time, much to Harry's delight. He wouldn't simply take the
older man's word for it, and it became a ritual for each time Harry returned:
Harry would pretend to protest, and Eggsy would insist until they had retired
to the bedroom where Eggsy could remove each piece of his clothing one at a
time and inspect the skin underneath.
Routines were useful. They reassured Eggsy, both in the moment and regarding
the future. Welcoming Harry home in this way wouldn't prevent him from being
harmed during a mission to come, and Eggsy knew that, but the illusion that it
might made the boy feel better.
Before Eggsy, Harry's life had rarely been routine. Liquor and the gym were the
only constants he could think of outside of work. He had a notoriety of keeping
to himself. Now his days, and nights, were filled with Eggsy and it was
surprising how comfortably he took to it.
By the time mid-December hit, Harry had filed away his worries about Eggsy's
insecurities in the back of his mind. He'd returned from an unusually long
mission only days ago, one where he'd been gone for almost a week, albeit with
regular check-ins by phone. Eggsy had been a ball of excitement when he'd
returned and the boy's questions went on afterwards, nonstop.
"Did you see any pirates while you were there? Real ones? I heard in school
that there're still pirates in some places, but they're not like the ones in
the stories, because those pirates are from hundreds of years ago." Eggsy
trailed along behind Harry as the older man carried his luggage up the stairs.
The boy couldn't contain himself and Harry felt a slight tug on his clothing as
Eggsy grabbed a bit of his jacket.
"No pirates, Eggsy," Harry chided and tossed a wink over his shoulder. "That'll
be next month." He set down his luggage at the foot of his bed and turned
around to find Eggsy, still with a fist full of Harry's jacket, step closer.
Harry reached down and lifted him into his arms, prompting Eggsy to let go and
instead loop his arms around Harry's neck and his legs around Harry's waist.
Eggsy was heavier than when Harry did this a year ago. He kissed Eggsy on the
lips, chaste but intimate. "Weapons smugglers this time. Off the coast of
Yemen."
"Aren't smugglers kinda the same thing? Sort of. It's still illegal stuff on
ships, it's just someone else that's doing the stealin' bit, if they're
stolen." Eggsy clung for a moment and closed his eyes. Feeling how solid Harry
was everywhere they touched helped. So did the hand that drifted a bit lower
from where Harry was holding him up. The ache Eggsy had been nursing from
missing Harry turned into a different sort. "Weapons, huh. Guess I better check
you over, make sure nobody used any of 'em on you."
Harry's smile curved. "Indeed you had better. Very dangerous work, that was."
Harry leaned in for another kiss and this time it lingered before he turned
them around and let himself sink down on the bed with Eggsy sitting on his lap.
Harry could have helped, could have at least kicked off his shoes, to make the
process faster, but he liked letting Eggsy take his suit apart. It
was...strangely arousing, watching the boy's small hands move to the buttons of
his jacket, undoing each with unpractised fingers. Eggsy knew where all the
clasps and buttons were by now. He even knew how to remove Harry's shoulder
holster, but he was still a little clumsy, not having to wear suits everyday
himself. Harry liked that though.
Eggsy still minded Harry's instructions to be careful with it, too, even when
it was plain that he was impatient. Harry was slowly teaching him to savour the
experience of drawn out anticipation. The lesson was very much a work in
progress. Eggsy didn't exactly toss Harry's clothes carelessly to the floor,
but neither did he take his time stripping the layers away.
Harry didn't mind. The next stage was something he looked forward to, as well.
Eggsy would touch and make a show of examining each bared patch of skin, and
often his mouth began to follow his eyes and fingers.
"You got scratched a bit," Eggsy said accusingly once one arm was out of a
shirtsleeve.
"They had a cat." Harry shrugged, his eyes crinkling at the corners. They both
knew he was making light of it, and Eggsy went along with such remarks only
when it was minor damage. Harry let his hands wander farther down Eggsy's
backside as Eggsy resumed, only removing them when Eggsy pulled off his shirt.
It was laid next to the tie, which Eggsy had been mindful enough to lay out
without creasing. Harry was focused on other things at the moment though, like
getting his hands back on Eggsy although he had to lay back when Eggsy went for
his belt, undoing the fine leather with a clink and fumbling at the button of
his trousers for a moment before Eggsy got them loose.
Harry held himself up on his elbows and watched the boy work, focused and yet
impatient. The subtle signs of the year's passing were there, Harry knew, but
they had not yet taken away how small Eggsy was still, or the softness in his
cheeks and his eyes. Harry had plenty of time to relish it still.
Small hands smoothed over the planes and angles of Harry's stomach and hips.
Eggsy had to leave Harry's reach to remove Harry's trousers, returning once
he'd set them aside to work on the last few remaining articles of clothing. Now
Eggsy no longer had to be quite so careful, and Harry's socks were pulled off
and tossed aside without further ado.
Eggsy's fingers slipped past the waistband of Harry's pants and lingered there.
Both of them wore similar expressions, scrutinizing the other with a tender,
hungry sort of longing that knew it was soon to be satisfied, but only Eggsy
looked impossible that way, like a Caravaggio come to life.
Priceless, Harry thought. He shifted his hips, impatient under Eggsy's hands.
Eggsy's mouth curved much the same as Harry's had. Harry knew it was an
expression Eggsy had picked up from him, but set into the boy's face, on such a
little mouth.... It made Eggsy look delectable. Harry was suddenly very aware
of the rush of blood to his dick, and Eggsy certainly noticed the muscle rise
under the dark fabric between his hands. If anything, it only made the look in
the boy's eyes more impish.
"Do you need some help with that?" Harry asked, low and teasing.
"Was just gonna be asking you that," Eggsy countered. "Don't think that's been
injured though. I don't think it'd do that quite so quick when you look at me
if you were hurtin'." After another moment or two, grinning at Harry as if they
both didn't know what the outcome was going to be, Eggsy finally tugged on the
cloth and began pulling it down.
Not without a bit of playfulness, however; Eggsy caught Harry's cock against
the curled waistband, pulling him lower with it until he sprang free. Eggsy
couldn't help but laugh, both at the sight and the sound it made when it hit
Harry's stomach. "Whoops. Guess maybe I did need help."
"C'mere," Harry growled through his grinning teeth and snatched Eggsy up by the
arms. He pulled the boy atop him and scooted farther back on the bed while
Harry began to work Eggsy's shirt and trousers off. Eggsy giggled all the
while, and Harry's hands were faster than his own had been. In no time at all,
Eggsy was just as bare and Harry's hands were back on the cheeks of his arse,
bringing his hips down against Harry.
Harry kissed him and flipped them. He wanted Eggsy under him this time. After
so long apart, he needed it.
"I hadn't finished lookin' you over yet," Eggsy said, not even bothering to
pretend that he was truly protesting. His arms twined around Harry and he
wiggled his hips, knowing exactly what Harry was thinking and that the movement
would spur him on. "Guess if you're not gonna let me look at you, I'd better
see if you're alright some other way. Like... feelin', instead of seein'. If
everything works right, then you must be ok."
"Sounds good to me." Harry opened his mouth against Eggsy's neck like he wanted
to leave a mark there. He grazed his teeth against it and pulled Eggsy's hips
up against his abdomen, giving Eggsy a rush of sweet pleasure, enough to make
his head fall back and allow Harry more room...but Harry restrained himself
from biting down. He took one of Eggsy's hands and guided it to the head of his
cock, moaning when Eggsy gripped in the way he knew Harry liked. Blindly, Harry
reached for the night stand and only just gripped the drawer to pull out the
lube. He squirted a dab on his fingers before reaching down to help Eggsy
along, slicking his own shaft for the boy and teasing his fingers over Eggsy's
cock in return.
This foreplay wouldn't last long. Harry wanted to be inside of Eggsy and they
both knew it.
It was a testament to Harry's self-control that he was able to keep himself in
check while Eggsy's hands slid over his cock. Everything was much more familiar
to the boy now, and he'd begun to learn tricks - where to press, where to
stroke, how much pressure to use. Harry endured the teasing and kept his focus;
hurry or no, some things couldn't be rushed. Eggsy's body opened up more
quickly with practice and familiarity, but minutes still passed before Harry
could easily slide his fingers into the boy.
When he was ready, Harry picked him up and placed his hips in position,
allowing Eggsy to wrap his arms around Harry's neck and his legs around Harry's
middle. Harry kissed him, long and sweet, before he lined himself up with Eggsy
and sank inside slowly. Eggsy squirmed a little and Harry let him, but he held
Eggsy fast. He slowed when Eggsy squirmed a little more, letting his body
adjust to Harry, and then Harry pressed on. Their eyes locked the whole time.
Feeling the initial penetration like that, staring into Eggsy while Eggsy
stared into Harry right back made Harry imagine what he felt like inside the
boy, invading his body, causing discomfort at first, but knowing it would soon
bring pleasure.
Slowly, gradually, Harry pushed deeper until he felt the stopping point - where
no amount of relaxation would bring anything but pain, small as Eggsy was.
Harry pulled back a little and began to move. Eggsy murmured Harry's name
before the sound was swallowed in another kiss and they lost themselves in one
another, healing the worries they both had when they were apart. The worries
weren't as strong as they had been months before, but it would take time for
the both of them not to worry about losing the other.
Every time Harry returned from a mission and brought this kind of resolution
with him, it brought Eggsy a little more security and a little more trust.
Even while Harry sank into him, arms tight around Eggsy and body quivering with
the effort of holding back so as not to hurt him, Harry cupped the back of his
head with soft touches. Gentle in one way when he was driven to let go. Eggsy
could hear it in the way Harry breathed deep, mouth open, teeth clenched, but
only when Eggsy pushed his hips back against Harry did Harry allow himself to
thrust faster.
Eggsy felt free to make demands in that way now. The shy youth that had
trembled at the thought of telling Harry how he felt and what he thought about
had morphed into a boy who was very forward, at least about some things. Harry
had been diligent in unravelling Eggsy's shame about bedroom roles and his
enjoyment of penetration, just as he'd carefully tended the boy's self-esteem
and psyche in other areas of his life.
Eggsy didn't simply agree to this kind of sex because Harry wanted it and he
wanted to please the older man. Eggsy enjoyed it, and Harry took care to see
that it stayed that way.
Gradually Harry was able to release some of the fervour he was holding back.
His hands roamed over Eggsy, and while his thrusts remained controlled, there
was a sharpness to them. Harry reached down between them and took hold of
Eggsy's little cock, feeling Eggsy draw breath as soon as he did.
Harry had known how to touch him from the start. It had shocked Eggsy at first,
just what his body could do. But now, Harry could play him like an instrument.
Eggsy had no chance of holding out against him even if he'd wanted to. And this
time Harry was watching him all the while. That didn't always happen. Their
eyes weren't always locked on each other like that. Sometimes Harry had Eggsy
lay back and let Harry explore his body. Sometimes it was in the middle of the
night when both of them were sleepy, caught up in the sheets, and could barely
see at all. But when Harry came home after being away, he made sure Eggsy was
still there with him.
Harry could pin the boy with a look just as easily as he could pin his body
down. Eggsy's eyes were clear, if lust-darkened, and just as intent on Harry,
drinking in the sight of him with an adoring gaze. Eggsy was still his. Nothing
had transpired while Harry had been away on work. Eggsy was still there, still
willing, and still looking up at Harry with undisguised love and not a hint of
hesitation. Love was writ all through his body, wordless and tingling,
saturated all through his youthful skin and the way Eggsy clung and tried to
move ever closer.
That love spurred Harry on, coupling with his own desire and how long he'd been
without Eggsy and how often he'd thought of coming home to this. Harry wrapped
his fingers around the base of his own cock, determined not to come too soon.
He was so worked up it would have been easy, but he needed to see Eggsy come
first. This wasn't just about Harry chasing his own pleasure, although Harry
was very much chasing his own pleasure. He shifted, brought his weight into it
a little so that Eggsy's small body rocked with him, but Harry was relentless
over what he knew from little more than reading Eggsy's reactions was just the
right spot.
Attention was all it took - watching for when Eggsy gasped or his mouth dropped
open a little bit, when he arched or squirmed, when his grip or his body
tightened in response to a spark of pleasure. Harry found the right angle and
kept a steady pace, and Eggsy began to lose himself. Harry felt the body
underneath him start to tense, deep in Eggsy's core, as he drew nearer and
nearer to climax. Eggsy was panting by then, and his eyes had closed. Harry
knew that all it would take was a little more. A sudden quickening of thrusts,
a little more friction as he stroked the boy's cock, a hint of teeth at Eggsy's
neck, and Eggsy would come apart.
Harry moved just a little higher right before it happened, putting his mouth
right at the juncture of Eggsy's neck and throat, teeth and tongue. He knew
Eggsy would feel how much he wanted to leave a mark, how Harry's top teeth
grazed and how he trapped the bottom ones behind his tongue, pressing there and
sucking just gently enough while his fingers over Eggsy's cock and his thrusts
into the boy grew more and more impatient. Eggsy was all heat and softness no
matter how hard he clung to Harry or how tight he clenched his body.
Eggsy thought about being marked right there - high enough that it couldn't be
hidden, high enough that people would see - and in his fantasy there were no
repercussions. They would go out, and people would see he belonged to Harry,
and Harry belonged to him, and no amount of shock and disapproval would change
that. Eggsy trembled as climax overtook him, leaving him gasping for air and
sinking into the feeling of Harry possessing him, inside and out.
Harry's arm gripped tighter around his back, like Eggsy might collapse and fall
even though there was nowhere to go between Harry and the mattress. Harry
hummed with deep satisfaction and lifted off Eggsy's neck to watch his face.
Harry let go of his cock, a small relief with the waves of pleasure still
riding through him, but Harry didn't stop thrusting. Before Eggsy could come
back to himself, Harry let go of the base of his own cock, readying for his own
climax, and stroked Eggsy's cheek with his fingertips. A light smear of lube
came with it, but Harry didn't seem to notice. He sometimes set propriety by
the wayside during their intimate encounters. Eggsy had come to understand that
Harry even liked it, dirtying him in ways that Eggsy wouldn't have imagined a
proper gentleman would. But no matter how lewd Harry could be in bed, it never
seemed to touch him out of it. When he was clean and done up in his finery,
glasses straight and hair perfect, there was no trace of the Harry who would
smear lube over Eggsy's lip with his thumb, who would pull it down and watch
with lust filled eyes as Eggsy opened for him, before Harry kissed him and
sucked on that lip as he finally came inside Eggsy, hips stuttering.
The only times it ever touched Harry outside of these encounters were all in
his eyes.
Truth be told, sometimes eye contact was starting to be enough. Eggsy would
catch Harry looking at him or watching him in certain ways, and part of him
would remember times like this - a warm mouth on his own, the sensation of
Harry filling him, the stickiness coating his skin from their exertions - and
Eggsy would feel things stirring. He knew that he could ask for whatever
fantasies he thought up later, once they were in private, and Harry wouldn't
mock him or turn him down. The intimate parts of Harry that no one else ever
saw were Eggsy's to hold dear. The person Harry was underneath the finery was
for him alone.
Harry held like that over him for a long moment. Only after he'd caught his
breath did he pull out of Eggsy, just as carefully as he'd entered him. Harry
let himself collapse beside him, one arm draped over Eggsy, still so close one
of Eggsy's legs still wrapped around his hip. Harry's eyes were fond now. They
so often were, after.
"It's good to be back," Harry murmured, stretching his long body against Eggsy.
He looked like he could fall asleep like that, and Harry was certainly tired,
but he had no intention of wasting his first night home, and not when Eggsy
would surely want to hear about his time away.
Eggsy clung to him as much as his loose muscles would allow. After Harry's
absence, he wanted as much closeness as he could get. "You get to be back for a
while now, right? It's pretty cold today, but I thought... y'know, we could go
ice skatin' or something this next week. I kinda want to go out and do stuff
with you, if you're not too tired from traveling for missions." Unspoken was
Eggsy's wish to be seen. It didn't matter that no one else would know them for
what they were. Eggsy merely wanted to be seen with Harry, to have some sort of
relationship acknowledged even if it was the wrong one, and to do things with
Harry out in public.
Whether Harry caught on was hard to tell, but he smiled and his eyes crinkled
and he looked happy enough. "I'd love to. I believe they've even set up a rink
in Kensington gardens already. It comes with a lovely hot chocolate bar if I
remember correctly." Harry must have remembered from years before because he
and Eggsy hadn't gone last year. It was hard to believe he'd already been
living with Harry for that long. Over a year now.
Harry's fingers brushed through Eggsy's hair, damp at his temples. He didn't
look like he was done admiring Eggsy yet.
Eggsy nearly preened under the attention, pleased about the way Harry was
looking at him and touching him as well as how readily he'd agreed to go out
together. Harry had never refused, but it meant a lot to the boy that Harry
never showed any signs of being embarrassed to be in public together, no matter
what Eggsy chose to wear or what the activity of the day happened to be.
"Gettin' close to Christmas, ain't it? I mean, not yet, but... We should think
about stuff we want to do. Besides each other," Eggsy added. "You did a lot of
stuff for me last year and I don't even know what you want."
Harry laughed, eyes turning devilish at Eggsy's innuendo. "Just you. Here. With
me. That's all I want. It still isn't your job to find me gifts." Harry drew a,
thankfully clean, finger down Eggsy's nose as though he were being admonished,
but with none of the heat behind it. Harry didn't look offended that Eggsy
wanted to do something for him, just quietly amused. Maybe even a little
pleased at the thought. Harry was often like that, Eggsy had found. Michelle
had liked to go out with her friends, had liked to have her own social life and
she put on parties for those friends and found gifts for them when she could
afford it. Harry had Landon, and he was friendly with the other agents at his
work, Eggsy knew, but it was different. His social life didn't seem to be as
important to him as much as Eggsy's mother's had. Harry liked watching Eggsy.
He liked doing things for Eggsy, and he liked seeing Eggsy happy.
Eggsy didn't understand it, but he could enjoy it without understanding. People
were all different, and so he thought that maybe Harry was just a very
different sort of person who didn't need as much socializing. Perhaps he felt
he had too much socializing; if Eggsy had to run around constantly pretending
to be other people and chatting targets up for information, he might get tired
of such things too. "Yeah, ok, but I want to do something. Like photos of us.
Or photos of me, if you want. Or something you could wear and take with you on
missions, like a good luck charm to remind you of me. I know you don't need
anything, but I wanna do something."
The corners of Harry's mouth curved. "You know I could never say no to photos
of you." Harry had a small collection by now, the ones Eggsy had let him take
when they were alone together. Some were of Eggsy posing. Some were of him just
being silly. Others were far more intimate. Harry had once taken several of
Eggsy kneeling, head between Harry's thighs and mouth around the head of his
cock. Eggsy had never realised how big it looked compared to him until he saw
those, but Harry liked it. Harry loved it. He kept those ones separate from
their vacation photos, which were happily displayed around the house. Eggsy was
pretty sure the safe in the back of Harry's closet was meant for work, but he'd
said it would be a safe place for those photos as well.
"So just think about it, I guess. You can't really unwrap those, unless you let
me use the photo printer, but that seems a bit silly to wrap them up if you're
already seen them all." Eggsy shrugged, but he was inwardly pleased that Harry
had accepted at least one of his suggestions. Doing things for Harry seemed
more meaningful than buying him things, particularly as all of Eggsy's pocket
money came from Harry anyways, and Eggsy couldn't afford the sorts of things
Harry might want. "I guess you could unwrap me, though, so maybe that counts?
Bit hard to fit me in a stocking or under a tree, though."
Harry drew Eggsy into his arms and pulled the boy atop him. "I think you'd fit
quite nicely under the tree," Harry countered, and Eggsy might just. He had
when he was younger, but that had been at Christmases with his mum. "But
unwrapping you would be just as enjoyable either way." Eggsy felt Harry's hand
run up his back and into his hair and he knew Harry was imagining it. “For now,
however, we should get washed up. You must be hungry. Unless you've been
snacking all day." With a teasing pat to Eggsy's rear, Harry sat the both of
them up and looked around for his robe.
"I might've a bit, but I'm still hungry anyways." Eggsy couldn't help but grin
when Harry glanced over at him. Eggsy couldn't have lied about his snacking
habits had he wanted to. The state of the pantry said it all, and Harry knew
that once Eggsy's favourite snacks ran out, his own started to disappear.
"What're we gonna do for dinner? Order something in? Or did I not tire you out
enough to stop you burnin' stuff in the kitchen?"
"Oh no, we're definitely ordering in tonight," Harry laughed and donned his
robe. "What do you say to that Italian place around the corner?" Harry helped
Eggsy off the bed, still far too tall for him without a jump, and led him to
the shower. They'd gotten pretty messy that time, and Eggsy's ritual of
checking Harry over after he'd been away often ended as such.
Harry cleaned them up quickly. He washed Eggsy all over and indulged the boy's
playful side, heightened as his spirits were with Harry's return, and before
long they were dry and dressed with dinner on the way.
Eggsy always felt better when Harry was back, but much more so when he came
back uninjured. He usually did, but not always. Bruises and scratches reminded
Eggsy of how dangerous Harry's profession really was, and the fact that his own
father had died trying to become a part of Harry's world. Eggsy didn't want to
contemplate any of that. He much preferred Harry as he was right then - happy
and loving, so skilled that no one in the world could get to him, teasing Eggsy
as he bit into a cheese-stuffed shell and a string of mozzarella escaped the
boy's mouth. Eggsy knew it wasn't strictly true, but as far as he wanted to
believe, Harry was immortal and all powerful.
It certainly seemed like it on nights like that, when warmth filled the house
and Harry looked so strong and kind under the light of the dining room
chandelier. He rarely took his eyes off Eggsy, and it was a comfort that Harry
had missed him, and was indulging in his presence now, just as much as Eggsy
had missed Harry.
They ate until they were full and then curled up on the couch after dinner,
Eggsy still happy and squirming against Harry even when they'd found something
to watch. Harry told him all about his time away, as much as he could, and
Eggsy tried to imagine how all that business with the smugglers had happened
while he'd been in school, as normal and boring as could be.
Eggsy didn't say it, but he wished that he could go on adventures like Harry
did. Harry tried to make parts of it sound boring, like a lot of waiting
around, but even the waiting sounded exciting compared to school. It was
waiting when enemies could be anywhere. It was the tension of the moments right
before Eggsy tricked people, like performing sleight of hand or boosting
something while his mates distracted security. It had to be better than
daydreaming in maths lessons or doodling while a teacher tried to make him care
about a very boring book.
Maybe, just maybe, Harry would let him join and become a spy when he was old
enough. Then Eggsy could go with Harry on missions and be his partner.
Harry remained none the wiser to Eggsy's fantasy as the hours passed. He was
laid out with Eggsy curled up against his side as usual, comfortable and
familiar. Eggsy caught him falling asleep on the couch in the end, and once
Harry was roused he declared it was bedtime and sent Eggsy off to brush his
teeth and get into his pyjamas. Harry still needed to send one last email
before the night was up, and so it was several minutes more before he joined
Eggsy for bed.
Eggsy was waiting for him with the sheets turned down. The boy still didn't
want to go to bed, but the disappointment of needing to sleep was offset by the
fact that Harry would be with him. Harry was home. He wouldn't be sleeping
alone, wondering what Harry was doing right then, and that made the bed all the
more appealing, and certainly it was more appealing to Harry with Eggsy in it
as well.
As usual, Harry undressed to his shorts and climbed in next to Eggsy before
turning off the light. The way Harry reached for him and curled around him was
a world of difference from how alone he'd been when Harry was gone. But Harry
soothed him with gentle caresses and kisses to the top of his head. Harry was
warm and solid and made everything right in the world when he had Eggsy in his
arms, safe and sound at night.
"Back to the usual tomorrow," Harry said, soft against Eggsy's forehead before
he pulled back. "I do hope you were alright while I was away."
"Yeah. Just... lonely, y'know? It's too quiet when you're gone, even if I turn
the telly on." Eggsy bit his lower lip, hesitating for a moment before deciding
to be honest. Harry wasn't the sort to laugh at him, no matter how weird he
got. "I kinda... um, some of your stuff might have wrinkles in it. I hung it
back up, but I thought I might feel better if I could pretend you were home, so
I took some of your things and stuffed 'em with towels and put them in a chair
near me while I was studyin' and playing video games. So I could pretend you
were home even if you weren't."
Harry's brows rose, and for perhaps the first time it looked like Eggsy had
really surprised him. But then the corners of his lips pulled up and a wide
grin broke out over his face. He pulled Eggsy close and kissed him again, this
time over his brow. "I hate leaving you alone for so long. But I don't mind a
few wrinkles."
Harry had promised him those trips wouldn't be often, and he'd seemed to manage
that promise well enough. Especially since Arthur had let up on his
responsibilities.
"There will be no need for that for quite a while now," Harry reassured Eggsy
before he drew back, settling down for sleep. Eggsy could just make out Harry's
eyes in the dark, heavy lidded, but focused on him.
"Good." Eggsy hid a yawn. Try as he might, he failed to keep his eyes open. The
boy had been more tired than he'd thought, and he drifted off with the memory
of Harry's kiss on his mind and the feeling of Harry's solid warmth encircling
him.
Morning came far too quickly. Eggsy groaned as the alarm went off and rolled
over. Getting up was difficult enough when Harry wasn't there, because nothing
stood between Eggsy and playing hooky but the knowledge of Harry's
disappointment in him. Now that Harry was there, Eggsy wanted to sleep in with
him, but knew that Harry wouldn't allow it. He had to get in to work, just as
Eggsy had to go to school.
Harry groaned and snuffled into his pillow, signalling that Eggsy wasn't the
only one up. Just as Eggsy was lifting himself up on tired arms, knowing Harry
would hit the alarm at any moment, Harry's arm caught him around the middle and
pulled him back down. "Mmn, good morning," Harry mumbled into his ear, and
though he sounded like he didn't want to be awake either, he also sounded
pleased to wake up next to Eggsy. "Is it that time already?" Harry stretched,
trying to get more comfortable and wake up at the same time.
"Guess so. Do we really gotta get up, or can we... y'know. Take a vacation
day?" Eggsy's thoughts were sluggish, causing him to slur his words. Moving had
also been a mistake: Harry had been so enthusiastic the previous night that
Eggsy felt very sore. It would be worse once he reached school and had to sit
on the hard classroom chairs. "Don't they give you time off once you get done
with a mission?"
Harry rolled his shoulders, trying to wake himself. "They give me twenty four
hours before they can send me on another mission, but that doesn't usually mean
twenty four hours off." Harry gave a long sigh into his pillow before he lifted
himself up on one arm and looked down at Eggsy, one corner of his mouth raised.
"Time to get up. No skipping today, I'm afraid."
Harry ignored Eggsy's protests and pulled himself out of bed, reaching for his
robe on its hanger. "C'mon, up you go. I'll have breakfast ready after you've
washed up. I can bet you haven't had pancakes in a while."
Eggsy moaned and made a show of how sore and reluctant he was. His protest of
the unfairness of school extended to sliding bonelessly out of the bed and
dropping into what he'd hoped was an appropriately pitiful puddle on the floor.
This was the wrong move to make, however, as it only made Harry smile at his
melodramatics while reinforcing the fact that sitting that day was going to be
miserable indeed. "Pancakes'll make up for it a bit, but I can't believe they
don't give you a day off after a mission. That's brutal."
Harry bent down and ruffled Eggsy's hair before stepping over him. "All a part
of the job, I'm afraid. They're making up for it with a long weekend this week.
Which I am certainly going to enjoy." Harry turned the lights on in the hall
and called over his shoulder, "Better hurry or breakfast will be cold by the
time you're ready." With that, he disappeared around the corner and all Eggsy
heard was the creak of the staircase.
Eggsy got to his feet and walked down the cold hallway to his room. He thought
about Harry's work as he pulled on a fresh set of clothes. He'd never met
whoever Harry's boss was, and he really hoped he'd never have to. Arthur didn't
sound like a very pleasant sort of person.
A thought occurred to him all at once that shocked Eggsy enough that he would
have dropped his jumper had he not been in the middle of pulling it over his
head. Harry was smart enough that Eggsy didn't think he'd overlook something so
important, but worry gnawed at the edges of his stomach. He finished dressing
quickly and made it down the stairs and into the kitchen to find Harry calmly
stirring pancake batter in a bowl. "Harry? Um... I know you've got guns and
stuff in case someone figures out you're a spy and tries to find you here, but
is there other security stuff? Like there is at the tailor shop and wherever
that mansion is?"
Harry turned to him with a raised brow, one hand holding the whisk over the
bowl. Eggsy could see that he was surprised, but Eggsy had just come running
down the stairs with this question on the tip of his tongue. Harry was bound to
think he might be asking for a reason.
"Such as rooms that descend into an underground tube system?" Harry asked, "I'm
afraid not. Just at the shop. Although it would make my commute infinitely more
convenient, I would say." He was smiling, but his eyes still held Eggsy pinned,
and Eggsy knew Harry would ask if he didn't explain himself.
"No, I figured that, otherwise you might have disappeared on me sometimes
before I knew about your job," Eggsy agreed. "I mean, more... like, the guards
came and got me because I got off the tram and they saw me in a camera, right?
And there were ones in the shop too, I guess. In case someone tried to break
in. I, um..."
Eggsy's gaze turned downwards and he flushed. Their activities certainly hadn't
been confined to the bedroom. "Does... does the h-house have security cameras
or something like that? I... it doesn't, right? Otherwise we would have gotten
in trouble from... f-from..." Eggsy turned redder as an even more horrifying
thought occurred to him: that Landon might not have figured out that he had a
relationship with Harry from guessing and Harry confiding in him, but because
he was Harry's handler.
Harry blinked and his smile vanished. It took a moment for him to speak. "It...
It does. But it's a secured, encrypted feed. And only a local one." Eggsy's
eyes widened and Harry went on quickly. "No one has access to that feed but me.
And...it's for security. Just in front of the doors, places like that. It's
safe." Harry looked, for the first time Eggsy could remember, somewhat
concerned about how he would react. But Harry had been trying not to lie to him
these past months, too. He had told Eggsy as much when he related tales of his
missions, and whenever he ran into a detail he couldn't talk about, he
apologised and told Eggsy it was classified.
Eggsy's relief was palpable. His shoulders sagged and he crossed the kitchen
floor until he could bury his face against Harry's chest. "For a second I was
worried... that maybe they existed, and if they did that you'd forgotten,
and... s-someone else might have seen. Gotten us in trouble. I didn't even
think about it until I remembered about how many cameras were in the shop and
all that. I guess we would have known by now if that had been true, because
something would have happened when we all got in trouble when I went down the
lift, but..."
Harry set the whisk down and wrapped an arm around Eggsy. "No need to worry
about that. Not even the organization can access my personal files. Which is
incidentally part of their security policies, but....regardless, you can rest
easy on that front." Harry smiled again when Eggsy looked up at him, but Eggsy
could see he was still a little startled. "Go on, sit down. This is almost
ready." Harry nodded to the table and Eggsy reluctantly let go so he could pour
the mix into the frying pan.
It didn't take long before Eggsy had a stack in front of him and Harry kissed
his temple before Harry went upstairs to wash up as well. He was back down
within minutes and dishing up a plate for himself, conversation seemingly
forgotten.
Eggsy's plate was nearly clean by the time Harry joined him. The sugar from the
syrup was beginning to go to Eggsy's head, which was all for the best as far as
Eggsy was concerned. He still didn't want to go to school, but having a rich
breakfast offset his unhappiness just a little. So did Harry's honesty. Eggsy
wasn't thrilled that there were cameras in the house, but like the guns, he
accepted that it was for security reasons and so long as the feeds were safe
and only seen by Harry, it was alright. No one was watching him and waiting to
ruin his life.
Harry kept an eye on the clock as he ate and drank his coffee. He even asked
Eggsy about school since he'd been away, whether he'd kept up with his homework
and whether he had any big tests coming up. Of course Eggsy didn't want to talk
about school, or even think about it this early in the morning, and Harry let
it drop with fond amusement.
He'd been nervous before, Eggsy thought. There had been an uneasiness in the
air when Eggsy had caught him off guard, but by the time Harry cleared away
their plates it was gone.
Eggsy didn't know why. Harry wasn't uneasy during other times when he surprised
him. He'd always raise his eyebrow, and his mouth would curve into a smile and
he'd laugh, although never at Eggsy. The minute he'd asked about security in
the house, Harry had gone funny and wary, and when he'd asked about cameras he
seemed to get worse. Harry couldn't have been worried that Eggsy was mad at him
for not telling him about them, either, because he hadn't known whether cameras
were in the house or not and technically he'd only asked about weapons before,
not other types of spy gear.
Eggsy turned quiet and thoughtful by the time he was pulling on his coat and
stuffing his homework into his backpack.
Whatever worry had touched Harry at the time didn't return as they bundled up
and got into the car. Harry pulled up at the school with his usual look of
longing, like he would have liked to kiss Eggsy goodbye for the day but had to
refrain. He brushed his fingers against the back of Eggsy’s neck before Eggsy
said his goodbyes, but Harry seemed untroubled overall, and he saw Eggsy off
with a fond look and a wave before he pulled away from the school's drive and
his sleek car disappeared down the street.
***** Chapter 29 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Eggsy wasn't nearly as untroubled. Class was difficult to pay attention to at
the best of times, and the moment Eggsy sat down he ached so much that he
nearly squirmed right out of his seat. Concentrating on the day's lessons was
out of the question when half his focus was on his backside, and so Eggsy did
his best to fake engagement with the materials while dwelling on the cause of
his discomfort.
The more Eggsy thought about Harry's reactions that morning, the more anxious
he became. Harry was never nervous unless he had reason to be. Maybe he was
worried about the fact that he hadn't told Eggsy about the cameras yet, but
Eggsy didn't see why that would be the case. He was upset that he hadn't been
told, of course, but not too much; having cameras as an extra security
precaution near the front and garage doors made sense for Harry's profession.
The fact that Harry was nervous at all said something Eggsy couldn't put his
finger on. He'd seen Harry lie before. He'd realised there had been times when
Harry had lied to him even, and when he thought back to how Harry had done it,
he could remember no trace of guilt or uncertainty. Harry should be able to lie
without a second's thought if he wanted to. He was a professional.
Eggsy wound up getting called on twice that day because he looked like he
wasn't paying attention. Even Jamal couldn't get him to mess around for fun
when the teacher wasn't looking, and poking Eggsy across the aisle with his
eraser usually did the trick. Or at least got him to retaliate.
By the end of the day Eggsy's worries had been forced to linger in the back of
his mind to make room for homework and friends who wouldn't accept that his
thoughts were somewhere else, but Eggsy knew even when he got back that he
wouldn't get to ask Harry about it until he came home from work, likely a
couple hours later.
The day dragged on forever, but at long last Eggsy managed the bus ride back
home. Being able to walk was a relief after a day of sitting and pretending
nothing was wrong, and the first thing on Eggsy's mind as he walked in the door
was a bath to try to ease some of the ache that still lingered.
The second thought, which followed close behind, was of the cameras Harry had
told him were there. Eggsy hadn't seen them despite how long he'd been living
there and the other things he'd found hidden in the house. Once he was inside,
the impulse to try to find them was overwhelming enough that the thought of a
bath slipped away. Eggsy dropped his backpack by the sofa without bothering to
strip off his shoes and coat and went right back outside, peering at the door
and the surrounding frame.
As far as he could see, there was nothing out there except the CCTV camera way
back on the street. Harry's house looked just like all the others in the little
mew with telephone lines and not much more. It occurred to Eggsy that if he
wanted to get a shot of the front door, the camera would have to be away from
the house somewhere, but he couldn't see anything unusual on the walls and
roofs of the other houses, or even on the telephone pole next to them.
It was somewhat disappointing, but after a while more of looking in the cold,
of walking back and forth down the drive, Eggsy had to give up. It was possible
that they were hidden, or that Harry had meant they were only inside the house.
Eggsy was sure that wouldn't be good if people broke in, but Harry might still
want to have video of them to get their faces and see if they stole anything
while he was away.
Eggsy scrutinized the entryway for good measure once he returned indoors. As
far as he could see, there were no cameras there either. Eggsy didn't know if
that meant there really were no cameras there, or if they were so well hidden
that he couldn't see them. The thought that he didn't know where they were
bothered him. Harry had told him where he'd hidden guns in the house, after
all, which were far more dangerous and concerning. If he asked about them,
Eggsy felt sure that Harry would point them out.
Eggsy thought that he needed to be good at spotting hidden things if he was
going to be a proper spy's boyfriend. That seemed reasonable to expect. He
might get kidnapped, or Harry might get kidnapped, and he'd need to have the
skills to fight back if he was dealing with enemy spies.
He took one last look getting right up against the wall and running his hands
over it, trying to look under and around everything--the coat rack, the table
where Harry always set his keys, the light fixture on the wall, and even the
wooden panelling--but Eggsy found nothing. It left him somewhat disheartened.
He knew Harry had to be really good at hiding things, but if Eggsy wanted to be
even a fraction as good as he was someday.....
Eventually he had to accept defeat. He hung up his coat and kicked off his
shoes in the hall, and the longing for a hot bath seeped back into his body. He
was as tired and he felt like his mind needed a rest, too. Turning lights on
down the hall as he went, just in case Harry got home early, Eggsy climbed the
stairs, stripping clothes along the way.
Even bare skinned, the house still felt much warmer than outside had been. The
bath would be warmer still and help to take the chill out of him and,
hopefully, the muscle aches too. Harry was careful, but he was also more
enthusiastic every time he came back from a trip. Eggsy didn't mind in the
moment, but it made for a sore day afterwards.
Eggsy stifled a groan as he bent over to turn the faucets and get the tub
filling. He consoled himself with the thought that if he told Harry how
miserable his day had been, Harry might spoil him to make up for it. Ice cream,
or dessert wine, or a massage - perhaps even all three, if he was lucky.
The water rose fast and with a hand in it, Eggsy made sure it was just the
right temperature--hot, but not too hot--before he pushed his pile of clothes
aside and climbed in. The heated water was so heavenly, he sat back and sank
down as quickly as his body would let him. It felt tingly all over, up his legs
and arms, his skin getting used to the temperature. Eggsy shivered and decided
this was a really good idea. He just wouldn't want to get out now.
He turned off the faucet when the water was high enough and laid back again,
seeing if he could let himself float. There was no need to close the shower
curtain, or even the door for that matter, since it was just him at home and
even if Harry came back....well, Harry would stop to enjoy the sight on his way
past, and that wasn't such a bad thing.
Eggsy closed his eyes for a moment to savour the heat and the feeling of the
water buoying him up. He could imagine the look on Harry's face when he got
home and Eggsy told him he felt sore. Harry wouldn't exactly be sorry, but he'd
fuss over and pamper Eggsy, letting him indulge in an extra portion of sweets
and likely give him a massage. Pampering was Eggsy's goal, not contrition.
Eggsy wondered whether Harry would show him the cameras that evening, once he
asked. Now that the topic had been raised, Eggsy was curious to know more about
how Harry and the others he worked with used technology. Harry had given him
amusing stories of infiltration and impersonation, but it had seemed like other
spies tended to be the ones doing a lot of technological surveillance and
equipment installation. Eggsy didn't think that Harry would be so trusting of
security cameras installed in the house unless he installed them himself. Eggsy
wondered whether Harry would teach him some of the basics.
His eyes opened and wandered, and Eggsy found himself trying to imagine where
he'd hide cameras, if he was challenged to hide them in a room. Some would be
really easy, like in a kitchen. There were plenty of spaces to hide things in
most kitchens because there was so much clutter that one more object would be
less likely to be noticed. Other places would be much more difficult - there
didn't seem to be anywhere to hide in a toilet.
First Eggsy thought about somewhere high up like the fan in the ceiling. It
certainly would be a good vantage point, he thought, to see the whole room
through the slats of the vent, but he could see nothing hidden there inside it
when he looked up. That made him wonder how small these cameras were. He was
thinking about a normal sized camera at first, or even a small one that could
fit in the palm of his hand, but Harry was a spy. He might have cameras the
size of computer chips.
When Eggsy looked around the room next, it was with a new light. He'd probably
put one on the wall somewhere. In one of Harry's paintings, maybe, hidden in a
hole and looking out the picture. Or under the decorative panelling, but Eggsy
could see no interruptions in its smooth surface anywhere around the room.
There was always the mirror over the sink, where someone would be likely to
look if they were going about their usual business. He didn't see much sense in
putting a camera any lower than that; it wouldn't get a good view, small as the
room was besides.
There was also the top of the window. Eggsy's attention lingered there when he
thought about it. That would be a good place to hide something, so long as the
shower curtain was open he figured since the window, tall and frosted with a
decorative vase and a small potted plant, sat just next to it.
Eggsy didn't know why Harry or any other spy would need to put devices into a
toilet, but he figured there'd probably be some reason. Like blackmail, or
listening in on phone calls, since people tended to go to the loo for privacy.
It would be easier to hack the phone, Eggsy would have thought, but a
microphone hidden nearby would do in a pinch.
Taking another look at the window, Eggsy thought the vase and plant wouldn't be
bad places to stick spy bugs either, so long as the person being spied on
didn't do a lot of house work. Walls and pictures and window frames didn't get
touched very much, but someone might notice spy gear if it was placed somewhere
that was regularly dusted or needed watering.
Out of curiosity, he reached over and pushed back the plant's leaves. It was a
little fern-like thing Eggsy didn't know the name of, but they moved easily and
after a bit of poking around, he decided Harry hadn't put anything there. The
vase was much the same. Eggsy turned it a bit and didn't see anything. It was
big and heavy, but empty. Neither of them would have a good vantage point for
anything but listening though. Unless he stuck a camera in the pot pointed
upwards, all it would get was peoples' waists.
Since he was being curious already, Eggsy climbed to his feet for one last
inspection, loathe as he was to leave the water. If he were a spy, somewhere at
the top of the windowsill would definitely be where he'd put a camera.
He lifted one foot on the side of the tub and gripped the sill to hoist himself
higher. Though the bottom where the vase and pot sat were level with him, the
window itself was much taller. Eggsy had to raise himself up on its ledge and
the side of the tub to get a better look up there where he found...nothing. He
couldn't get very close, but he could see no holes in the surface of the
painted wood and no crevices in which a camera could be hiding.
If he were a spy, he'd probably have to make one by drilling a piece out, he
thought as he lowered himself back down toward the tub. It was the last thought
in his mind before his foot slipped out from under him on the smooth surface.
The back of his head collided with the tile wall. Pain blossomed in the
darkness behind his eyelids. Distantly, Eggsy heard a crash, and then water
filled his nose and mouth. It took a second or two for instinct to kick in;
Eggsy tried to inhale, only for his lungs and throat to close up against the
water. Eggsy flailed and caught a grip on the side of the tub, leveraged
himself back upright, and coughed for what seemed like forever.
At long last, Eggsy was able to take deep breaths without immediately retching
again. He stared down at the wreckage on the floor. The plant and the vase both
had been knocked off the ledge. Both had shattered. Eggsy's spirits sank, and
he was contemplating whether he could clean everything up before Harry got home
when something odd caught his eye.
It took a moment for Eggsy to register with the throbbing in his head, but
among the fragments of the vase, what had once held an intricate black and
silver design, was a small metal piece. It was easily discernible from the
shards and the potted plant hadn't spread that far where it broke.
Eggsy didn't think it could be.... But he reached out for it, leaning over the
side of the tub with his nose still burning and his head still hazy, and
plucked it off the floor. When he turned it over, a smooth, round lens stared
back at him, not even as big as a coin. When he looked down at the fragments of
the vase, he saw a clear indentation in one of the inside pieces, suggesting
the little lens had rested within its ceramic wall.
It had been invisible when the vase was whole, seamlessly blended into the
pattern on the outside. Eggsy had probably looked right at it and not
recognized what it was. Stick-on cameras were one thing, but cameras custom-
moulded into ceramics were something else entirely.
A deep, panicked chill settled into Eggsy as he stared at the lens and realized
three things: that the camera was in a room where it had no reason to be, that
Harry had either lied to him or didn't know about the fact that the toilet was
bugged, and that he had no way of fixing the vase so Harry didn't notice.
He sat there, unable to move at the thought of Harry coming home to find this.
It would be soon. Eggsy didn't expect he had much more than thirty minutes
before Harry came through the front door, and he was panicking.
Harry was going to think he was snooping again. Harry was going to think that
Eggsy didn't trust his word, that he'd gone in search of the cameras while
Harry wasn't home specifically because Harry wasn't home. He could get rid of
it. He could put it all in a trash bag and take it outside, but Harry would
notice the objects missing. Or maybe Eggsy could just tell him they broke and
he swept it all up at once and pretend like he'd never even found the camera.
His heart leapt at that thought, for it seemed like the only thing that might
work, even though he didn't want to lie to Harry.
He didn't have much of an option. Eggsy wasn't ready to confront Harry about
the fact that he'd lied to him again, and he could barely think from the panic
filling his veins and clouding his thoughts. He climbed out of the bathtub,
snatched a nearby towel off a rack, and numbly walked toward the closet where
he knew a broom was kept.
Eggsy knew he'd have to toss the camera out with everything else. He could only
hope he'd lie convincingly enough to Harry about not finding it, but Harry
wasn't stupid. If Eggsy told him that he tossed everything out, it was likely
that Harry would go through the trash to be sure.
The plastic broom from the hallway closet did a good enough job of efficiently
sweeping up pottery shards and dirt from the floor. Eggsy didn't feel any
calmer for the mess being gone; he turned the camera over in his fingers again
and again, wondering why it had been there and why Harry had kept him in the
dark again.
He'd found a plastic rubbish bag under the sink to dump it all in, but before
he could toss the camera away, he had to be sure of what he was doing. It was
an incredibly difficult thing to be, under the circumstances.
Eggsy redressed and went down to the hall. He could put it in the bin in the
kitchen, one that was just big enough to hold the bag, but Eggsy didn't like
that idea. He had to try to toss it somewhere Harry would be less inclined to
go digging for the camera because, he realised with another sinking feeling, it
had surely been recording at the time he'd discovered it. With the thought that
there might be others around the house, but this time in unknown places, Eggsy
kept it in his pocket outside of the toilet, and hoped there had only been the
one in that room.
Standing in the hall with the bag in one hand and the other ghosting over the
little bump in the pocket of his trousers, Eggsy thought hard for another way
and remembered the rubbish bins at the end of the mew. Relief and uncertainty
hit him in equal measures as he thought those would be a much better place to
put the bag, and certainly wouldn't be unusual to do so since it was quite
large.
He'd have to go quickly to make it there and back before Harry got home. Taking
the rubbish out wouldn't be unusual, but doing so right after he'd gotten out
of the bath and going, still damp, out into the winter chill would raise
questions. The questions might still be raised, but Eggsy didn't want to be
caught in the middle of throwing things away.
Eggsy made it down the stairs and into his coat and shoes in record time. His
breath turned to mist as soon as he stepped outside and he had to take care not
to slip on any patches of ice while he hurried. All the way to the bins, one
thought dominated his mind: it wouldn't matter if he lied successfully about
not finding the camera. The one in his pocket was too small to have a memory
card attached to it, and it hadn't looked like it was removable from the vase,
which meant that it was sending its video feed somewhere wirelessly. However
many other cameras were in the house would be doing the same. If he wanted to
not get caught, he'd have to find where they were going and delete the files.
The most likely place to store and review videos would be Harry's computer.
He reached the bins and, with his heart pounding in his chest, plucked the
little device from his pocket, took one last look at it, and threw it into the
bag with the broken vase and plant. He shook it up just in case, opened one of
the bins, and heaved it inside. Quickly he walked back to the house, dreading
Harry might pull up right then and there and catch him.
As soon as he was past the front door, he tore off his coat and shoes and raced
upstairs. He knew the computer was locked. He knew there was nothing he could
do to get in, but he went to Harry's office and stared at it anyway, not daring
to turn it on and try lest Harry arrive in the middle of it. He turned to the
toilet instead, trying and failing to find anything he could do about the
footage. The floor, fortunately, looked clean enough. He wouldn't be able to
tell dirt had spilled all over the tile from looking at it, but the two items
were conspicuously missing from the window ledge and Eggsy wracked his brain
for some way to hide it, but he could think of nothing besides keeping Harry
out of the room.
At that moment, Eggsy distantly heard the creak of a door and a muffled woof as
Mr. Pickle arose from where he normally dozed the day away waiting for his
master. Eggsy didn't have any time left to deliberate. He had to go pretend
nothing was amiss, and he didn't know if he could manage with his heart
pounding in his chest. All Eggsy could think about was that Harry was going to
catch him - eventually he'd have to use the loo, or want to get ready for bed.
A thought occurred to him all at once. If he had to lie to Harry, better to lie
in a way that was believable. He couldn't hide the fact that he was upset right
now, so he'd be upset... about something else.
The boy ran down the stairs towards the door. Harry barely got a chance to get
his name out before Eggsy wrapped his arms around Harry's waist and buried his
face against Harry's shirt front. He could already feel tears welling at the
corners of his eyes.
Harry had been half out of his coat but his arms dropped around Eggsy,
forgetting it immediately. "Eggsy, what's wrong?" There was concern in Harry's
voice. A touch of bewilderment, possibly. Eggsy felt a large hand on the back
of his head, smoothing down his hair and encouraging him to look up. Mr.
Pickle's toenails clacking against the floor moved excitedly around them, the
dog heedless to Eggsy's display of emotion. But Harry ignored everything but
him. He stood there and let Eggsy hug him, and he let Eggsy speak in his own
time.
"I..." Eggsy grasped for an excuse he could give for his distress and latched
onto the first thing he could think of. "Some of the boys at school been
pushin' me around a bit. That I'm bad luck, an' that's why I don't have a dad,
and things are bad for my mum, and that she don't want me and... and you're not
gonna want me neither. That something bad is gonna happen to you 'cause of me."
Eggsy felt Harry's arms tighten. "What utter bullshit," Harry pronounced and
for a split second Eggsy thought his lie had been caught out. "You tell these
boys the next time they try bullying you they might at least come up with
something believable. Also that you have my full permission to punch them
square in the nose." Harry tilted Eggsy's head up and he couldn't avoid their
gazes meeting. Harry's brown eyes somehow managed a warmth and a hardness all
at once, and Eggsy could see that one was reserved for him and the other for
the forces outside of Harry's reach. "You might also mention those Aikido
lessons, if you're so inclined to give them some warning."
Eggsy tried to smile back at Harry, but it fell flat. Harry was still warm and
supportive, but Eggsy felt like he was in free fall. He remembered just how
Harry had looked when he'd asked about cameras, and with the finding in the
toilet, the memory took on new significance. "Won't I get expelled, though? The
teachers don't like fighting. Or threats of fighting, if you get caught doin'
it." The boy swallowed, mindful of the fact that danger hadn't passed yet. He
had to get Harry out of the house, away from the toilet. "Could we go out? For
supper, I mean. I wanna do something different so I stop thinkin' about it."
Harry's brow gave a curious furrow but it only lasted a moment. "Yes, I suppose
we could. I hadn't any specific plans for dinner yet. Was there somewhere you
had in mind?" Harry let Eggsy out of his embrace long enough to put away his
leather bag at its place beside the table by the door. He shrugged back into
his coat, seeing as how they'd be going right back out again, and passed a hand
over Eggsy's shoulder for comfort. "Let me feed Mr. Pickle and we'll be on our
way. You can tell me all about this boy at school." Harry wiped his shoes free
of slush and went into the pantry.
Dinner wouldn't completely prevent disaster, but it would buy Eggsy time to
think and keep Harry away from the loo for a while. Eggsy couldn't help but
worry more now. If he got caught, he'd be in twice as much trouble: once for
snooping and finding the camera, and once for lying and trying to hide that
fact. He'd faced enough cruel boys over the years that picked on him for being
poor and fatherless that he could make up a story about a bully without much of
a problem, but he still didn't have a solution for when they got home.
With minimal deciding, they ended up at an upscale Chinese place several street
corners away. Harry drove even though it was close and a relatively warm night
for mid-December, for the snow was coming down fast. It melted on the heat of
their windscreen and was quickly washed away only for more to take its place.
London seemed smaller with the snow coming down out of the night sky. The world
seemed closer. But no matter how warm and comfortable the inside of Harry's car
was by comparison, it couldn't put Eggsy's mind at ease.
If Harry noticed Eggsy's distraction, he didn't say anything. Not when they
stopped and Harry handed the keys to a valet nor when they rushed inside out of
the cold, Harry's arm around his shoulders until they were through the door,
nor when they were finally seated.
Eggsy's stomach was in knots. He knew that he had to focus, but he couldn't
help but dwell upon the camera and Harry's lie, and what it meant.
Eggsy wasn't stupid. A camera in Harry's house meant that either someone else
in Harry's spy group had put things in the house without Harry knowing, or
Harry had put them there. If someone else had done it, they'd already be in
trouble, so Harry had to be tied to the camera.
Harry didn't have guests besides Landon, and there was little point to
recording himself in the loo, so the only person the camera could be meant for
was Eggsy himself. Eggsy couldn't think that he was so untrustworthy that he
had to be spied on in the toilet, and that vase had always been there, so it
couldn't have been an addition after he'd snooped and found the spy
headquarters.
Harry might have set it up there in the very beginning when Eggsy first moved
into the house. It was possible he was nervous about Eggsy finding out about
the spy business, and maybe Harry had trusted him less back then even though he
hadn't shown it. Maybe Harry had forgotten it was even there. But that still
didn't explain why he'd put it in the toilet, of all places. Not unless there
was one in every other corner of the house.
Harry ordered a glass of wine for himself and the non-alcoholic version for
Eggsy. Once the waiter was gone, he tilted his head, peering at Eggsy as he
folded his napkin over his lap. "These bullies at school still troubling your
thoughts?"
"Yeah, I guess..." Eggsy hesitated. Splitting his attention between three ideas
was tricky. He had to make what he told Harry convincing, and he had to figure
out how to get into Harry's computer before he looked at the video footage, but
the idea that the house was filled with cameras watching him was more than a
little nerve-wracking and distracting. "School's been kinda tough, actually.
Not the homework bit, but since I moved here and don't see friends as often,
people think I've gone posh or that I think I'm too good for 'em now. And... I
dunno, this one boy especially doesn't like me. I think he knows. That I'm,
y'know."
Harry raised his brows, expression seemingly open. "You've never mentioned that
before. Did he say something?" There was concern in the set of his brow. Harry
knew just how much the thought of being gay weighed on Eggsy sometimes. Harry
himself had never expressed such insecurities, but Eggsy had supposed it was
something that came with experience and confidence in navigating the world.
Most importantly, Harry did seem to believe this ruse, and even if Eggsy was
distracted for most of the night now, he might be able to get away with it.
Past that night, however, and Harry might figure out something more was up.
"I didn't want to worry you or... I guess I just wanted to take care of it
m'self. Still do. I don't like feelin' like other people always gotta take care
of stuff for me." Eggsy shrugged and looked down at his water glass like it
might hold the answers. In truth, he was worried Harry would spot the lie in
his eyes. "Said I was weird for not pickin' on the girls, or playin' on any of
the school teams. That I might be turnin' into another rich poofter, um...
'cause rich people are eccentric and all. I don't think anyone was takin' him
seriously, so I wasn't really worried about it, 'cept I know my friends have
been a bit distant lately? 'cause of everything that's been going on."
"But he got worse." The lies came surprisingly easy to Eggsy's tongue. He'd
been worried about all of these things without realizing it: being outed, how
he'd be treated, losing his friends, and overall what the situation with his
family meant. "Started sayin' that I must be cursed or somethin', 'cause my dad
died, and my mum drinks and don't care as much as she should, and everyone at
school knows stuff didn't work out with my aunt. An' that I better look out, or
something might happen to you, or you might decide you don't want me too."
"Eggsy," Harry grew very serious, "I will never decide I don't want you, and I
will never leave you voluntarily. Things may be different when you're older, as
all things change over time, but in some form or another, I will always be here
when you need me. This boy knows absolutely nothing of what he's talking
about." Harry frowned and Eggsy knew he must not have seemed much cheered. "Bad
things happen all the time. I see more of that than most. You have seen more of
that than many of your classmates, I suspect. But believe me, there is nothing
wrong with you." The conviction in Harry's countenance was a natural draw,
pulling Eggsy, in spite of all his fears, into the warmth of Harry's affection.
"I just don't know. It seems so far off, but I worry about you all the time, or
if you're gonna disappear like dad did. Or change your mind, if you find
someone better... to adopt. I don't feel like I'm all that special. I don't
really fit in anywhere anymore." Eggsy's friends had been growing more distant
over time, and his mother's visits had decreased. Eggsy didn't think he'd fit
in at an upper-class school if Harry moved him to one, either, and that was
presuming Harry wanted to keep him if he found out that he lied and snooped
around.
Presuming, too, that Eggsy would figure out what to make of the cameras. The
boy couldn't tell Harry what he was thinking right then, and that made him feel
even worse. He was alone, even though Harry was right there and trying to be
supportive.
"Eggsy...." Harry reached across the table to take Eggsy's wrist in his hand.
He'd never done that in public before. For a moment it seemed like too much,
like someone might look at them and think.... But with the way Harry's
confidence turned to concern, it didn't seem to matter. Harry looked down for a
moment. "I know I've pulled you out of a life you were comfortable with. And I
am sorry for that." Like Eggsy's turbulent life was Harry's fault. It would
have seemed disingenuous but for Harry's sincerity. He looked like he was
searching for something else to say. "Even if you don't fit in, you can make
your own way. I've seen how bold you can be."
"Maybe I can, but maybe I don't want to," Eggsy countered. "I didn't exactly
fit in before, but there were other poor kids like me, so I wasn't totally
alone. Now I'm the weird kid. Everyone knows I live in a real different
neighbourhood now, and lots of people think I've got tons of pocket money and
they get mad when I won't give 'em any. I don't know if it'd be any better in a
different school. I'm gonna be the poor kid with one rich dad from now on."
Eggsy caught a look of surprise in Harry's face for a split second, but then it
was gone and his expression fell. Like he'd been expecting this, someday.
"There is not much I can do on that front. You have moved into a very different
home than you had before. You now have access to opportunities you've never had
before, and that has separated you from your peers in a sense. And you are
right, I do not think you would feel very comfortable around the boys I grew up
with when I was one." Harry swallowed. "I have...thought about where you might
like to attend secondary in a few years. I have a short list of schools in mind
that have a tradition of students from varying backgrounds. And in a place
where everyone is new, you might not feel so unusual."
"Maybe." Eggsy wasn't keen on the thought of leaving his friends behind, but he
also wasn't sure just how much longer they would be friends. Instead of losing
them by moving away, he'd lost them by virtue of how different his life was
now, and the amount of secrecy he had to keep. Eggsy shifted in his seat, which
brought another spasm of discomfort and reignited the memory of finding the
camera. "Harry... do I talk funny?"
Harry raised a brow and drew back, taking a sip of his wine. Eggsy did
sometimes switch topics mid-conversation, but it looked like Harry was puzzling
over this one. "Are you referring to your dialect compared to mine?" He set the
glass down but didn't lean forward again. This time he inspected Eggsy from a
distance, leaning back in his seat and looking as relaxed as ever. Eggsy
thought he wasn't though. There was no outward sign of it, but he thought Harry
must be concerned with this conversation.
"Yeah. I mean... if I gotta switch schools eventually, um." Eggsy didn't know
how to say what he knew to be true: he didn't feel like he talked strangely,
but he also knew that nobody else Harry knew and associated with talked like
him. Policemen didn't talk like him. People on the telly didn't talk like him.
Politicians didn't, either. "Even if there's a lot of different people,
everybody who’s somebody doesn't say stuff like I do, or my friends do, or my
mum does, except if they lived in the same area. Y'know?"
"Ah." That seemed to clear things up. "You'd be outed as a Londoner." Harry
gave a half shrug of his shoulder. "You could always practice at changing your
speech, if you wanted to. If you can put on a façade, you can get almost
anywhere you'd like to, although you may not be happy there. But consider as
well that if you befriend those who are themselves out of place, your speech
will mean little to them."
They were interrupted then by the waiter coming to take their order. It was
only after a few minutes deliberating over their menus, as they hadn't been
looking, that they were left alone again.
"I guess I just don't... know if we're ok, or what's gonna happen to me. I know
you're sayin' you aren't gonna ever not want me around. It's..." Eggsy fell
silent as the waiter came back and dropped off their drinks and a plate of egg
rolls, then left again. "I didn't know if you were still mad at me or not.
About things. Even though you said you weren't. And then I got told that stuff
at school, and started thinking about my mum. I picked livin' with you, but she
didn't even stop drinking to try to get me back. I used to wonder, y'know,
about whether she wished she didn't have me and have to take care of me.
Because she was so sad all the time, and drank so much, and wanted to go out to
clubs and things and she couldn't because she had to take care of me and spend
money on me."
"So you fear losing me, too. And having no one you fit in with, no one to turn
to if that happens." Harry frowned and cast his eyes on something innocuous on
the table. "For what it's worth, I don't believe your mother ever truly wanted
to lose you. She may have had moments where she considered being alone could
have made her life easier, but on the whole? No, I don't believe so. Her
drinking at this point is...probably an escape. I don't think she believes she
can get you back."
That was not comforting to hear. It would have been better had Michelle had
more fight in her. If she could have somehow not fallen into the mess that
became their lives with Dean and her neglect. It hadn't always been great, but
it hadn't always been like it had in the end, either.
"But what about your friends?" Harry asked. "If you saw them more often, do you
really think they'd abandon you now that you live somewhere else? What about
the people you'll meet in the future? You are not so very unlikeable that no
one would want to be your friend."
"My friends are mostly older'n me anyways," Eggsy pointed out. "They're all
gonna go to different schools soon. One already has a girlfriend and has been
spendin' more time with her. I don't think it's that they don't like me now
that I live elsewhere. It's more that it's one more thing, between me bein' too
young to go some of the places they do. I hope I can make more friends, but I
dunno. I've always been friends with mine because we lived close by and liked
some of the same stuff. I don't know any of the kids near us, or if they'd like
me."
Harry nodded soberly. "You'll have to wait and see then. But don't let arses
like those bullies get you down. If I have to, I'll make them disappear." With
a perfectly straight face, Harry lifted his glass of wine to his lips.
Eggsy never got to figure out whether he was joking because at that moment,
their dinner arrived and broke up the conversation. Harry's demeanour
lightened, and he tried to lighten Eggsy's as well, but he never could quite
pull him out of his thoughts no matter how many new conversation starters Harry
gave him.
The question of how Eggsy was going to hide his discovery was still the
foremost issue. Once he figured that out, then Eggsy had time to think about
the rest.
Eggsy had no idea how he was going to get into Harry's computer. Many people
didn't have much security on their computers because they made their passwords
something simple and easy to remember, which made them easy to guess. Eggsy
didn't think Harry would be so careless. He wouldn't want enemies to be able to
access anything he might have on his computer should one of them break into his
home and take it. More than likely there were some fancy things installed, too.
One of his friends had a CD that let him get around some of the admin locks at
school, but Eggsy guessed that those wouldn't work in this instance even if he
did have the time to call his friend and get the CD from him.
The more Eggsy thought about it as they ate, the more hopeless it seemed. Harry
was going to notice the missing vase and plant. Even if he didn't tonight, he
might tomorrow, or the day after. Or Harry was going to take a look at the
footage at some point. Either way, Harry was going to catch him, and it
wouldn't be long. It sent a cold dread through Eggsy and it was all he could do
to focus on his plate.
If Eggsy had been a spy, too, he might have been able to do it. Somehow. Harry
probably had a million gadgets that could guess at passwords or hack away at
encrypted files. He'd told Eggsy about a lot of those things, but Eggsy had
none. All he had was his own computer, and video camera, and some remote
controlled cars.
His video camera wasn't a small thing, either. Eggsy supposed he might be able
to hide it somewhere in Harry's office and catch a video of Harry typing in the
password, but he might never get a chance to use it. It might very well be that
Harry checked his camera footage every night. It was the only thing that Eggsy
could think of that even had a remote chance, though. Eggsy couldn't guess the
password, and he had no idea how to hack a computer with or without fancy
gizmos to help him. He couldn't ask Harry if he could use his computer, either,
now that he had his own for surfing the internet and playing games.
Eggsy was going to have to bug Harry's office without him noticing, and pray
that the older man didn't immediately check his video footage. The problem was
that as soon as Harry noticed the missing items in the toilet, checking the
video feeds was likely to be the first thing he'd do.
And everything hinged on the assumption that Harry's video footage was even
being sent to his computer. Maybe it wasn't. For all Eggsy knew, there might be
another place in the house full of spy equipment he didn't know about.
Eggsy knew Harry was looking at him in concern every now and again, but he
couldn't act normal when the pit of his stomach was roiling with worry. Harry
saw that he was eating, even if it was slowly, and that would have to be
enough.
If only there was some way he could explain the disappearance of the vase....
Eggsy despaired for an idea. It would be too unusual for him to say he was
cleaning the loo and just moved things around. Eggsy never did things like that
unless he'd made a mess himself. Besides, he'd be expected to put the items
back in their proper place. He fumbled for another excuse. They were going to
prepare the house for Christmas soon, now that Harry was back, and Eggsy
thought about how they'd decorated everything last year before an idea struck
him. If he could supposedly replace the missing items with some other
decoration, Harry might not think anything of it.
Eggsy even knew where the decorations were kept. Most long-term storage was in
boxes down in the tiny garage. Decorating would also give Eggsy an excuse to go
into Harry's office, and a possible place to hide a camera of his own. Harry
wouldn't be expecting him to be trying to spy on him and might not look at a
familiar holiday decoration too closely.
Eggsy would have to be quick and careful. So much depended on pure luck, but it
was the best chance Eggsy had. Once he deleted the evidence of his find, he
could take the time to think about what it meant and what he was going to do
next, because Harry would eventually notice the missing camera.
As they were leaving, heading out into the lobby to wait for the valet, Harry
wrapped an arm around his shoulders. They were alone and it was as dark as ever
outside, the snow still falling heavily and obscuring the lights of the shops
around them. The streets wouldn't be very easy to get through on the way back,
and tomorrow would probably be even worse.
"You've been quiet," Harry said, probably thinking Eggsy was still sullen over
his future and missing the life he'd once had. Whether it was a better life or
not, Eggsy had been more certain of his world back then and that wasn't lost on
Harry. "Is there anything I can do to cheer you up?"
"I dunno yet. Maybe." Eggsy knew what he wanted. He wanted certainty and real
answers. Before his trust had been broken by Harry's lies about his work and
the house, Eggsy would have just shown Harry what he'd found and asked him
directly, confident that Harry would tell him the truth. Eggsy didn't think
he'd get a real answer if he asked Harry now. He'd get something that sounded
plausible until he thought too deeply about it, or found something else that
revealed it to be partially or completely untrue. "I'll think about it. Maybe
decoratin' the house a bit. We're getting close enough to Christmas now for it,
and Christmas stuff always makes the house seem a little happier. Probably
kinda late for it, but maybe we could make cookies sometime too?"
Harry nodded thoughtfully and Eggsy could see he liked the idea. "We can get a
start on it if you're not too tired tonight. And I believe cookies could be
just the thing to lighten our spirits. Might have to wait for tomorrow to set
up a tree, but.... Yes, I think that's a lovely idea." Harry smiled down just
as the valet pulled up and they had to rush through the snow again.
Harry kept glancing at Eggsy on the way back. The air about him was somewhat
improved, but it was obvious he was still attuned to Eggsy's mood.
When they arrived home, Harry parked in the garage to keep the car out of the
snow, and conveniently enough for Eggsy, he could pull out the boxes of
decorations right away while they were down there.
Eggsy grabbed one of them to take into the house. It would be too suspicious to
run, so the boy kept his pace measured and steady. Harry went ahead of him to
unlock the door to the house, and then they were in the kitchen. Eggsy kicked
off his shoes on the rug beside the door and set his box on the countertop just
long enough to shrug off his coat. "I'm gonna take these upstairs," he said,
and before Harry could reply he grabbed his box and started for the stairway.
His first stop was going to be the toilet. After that, he could grab his video
camera from his room and figure out how to hide it in Harry's office.
Harry had to be wondering what he was up to. The first logical place to
decorate would have been the living room, but Eggsy was just too worried.
"Let me know if you need any help!" Harry called from below. But Eggsy heard
him begin to move around the house after that, and his pace was unhurried.
Harry would expect him back down soon, however. He'd probably want to join
Eggsy in hanging the tinsel and setting bells and baubles around the house. But
then Eggsy heard Mr. Pickle's clacking feet and Harry's low murmur to the dog,
and by a stroke of luck heard Harry opening the door again to take Mr. Pickle
outside.
The boy moved quickly after that. A quick dig through the box revealed two
ceramic reindeer and a tree, which Eggsy placed on the empty ledge in the
toilet. He ran into his bedroom with the rest of the box and dug through it
atop his unused bed. One small false tree was big enough that it would be able
to hold the weight of his video camera while also obscuring it. Eggsy dug it
out, tied his camera into place, and prayed that he didn't run out of memory or
battery life before it caught the password. Assuming, of course, that he could
even make out what the keystrokes were.
Eggsy placed the tree carefully, hoping that Harry wouldn't look at it too
closely. He put a small plush bird toy, decked out in a festive hat and scarf,
beside Harry's monitor for good measure. That done, he turned to Harry's
bedroom, placing a few more decorations around that room and, to even out the
toilet, a few more on the countertop besides the sink. Once the box was empty
he took it downstairs. Eggsy still felt like his stomach was full of stones.
He found Harry in the kitchen, taking out meat to thaw for tomorrow's dinner.
"Finished already?" Harry asked over his shoulder. "If it's not too heavy, you
can go back and get the other box. There should be some tinsel somewhere.... I
don't think I threw it out last year." Harry closed the refrigerator and went
to join Eggsy. He laughed when he looked around. "I think the downstairs could
use some decorating too, you know. Come on." He got out the keys to the garage
and led Eggsy down the stairs.
Now that Eggsy had gotten started, Harry was apparently taken with the idea.
"Yeah, I just... I kinda wanted some in the bedroom. It's nice to look at when
you wake up or go to sleep. Feels a bit more like the holidays are right 'round
the corner and I get a break from school soon." Eggsy followed eagerly. He
really did want to have the house more festive. He also wanted something to do
so that he could stop worrying, and he needed Harry to buy into the idea of
decorating so that he wouldn't spot his absent camera, and Eggsy's camera in
his office. "Like those movies, too, where people have corners all done up with
lights where they sneak away to relax or be with their boyfriends."
Harry shot a raised brow and a warm smile over his shoulder. "I can't think of
the movies you're talking about, but that certainly does sound romantic. Will I
get to wrap you up in my arms tonight under a curtain of fairy lights?"
Back in the garage, Harry pulled out a few boxes to get to the other Christmas
supplies, and indeed he did find the tinsel and another box filled with lights
and more baubles. He handed the lighter of the two to Eggsy and they made their
way back upstairs.
It was still hard to tell whether Harry noticed Eggsy's nerves, but he did seem
to be paying special care and attention to Eggsy as he directed them to the
living room. He asked Eggsy where he thought the tinsel and lights should go,
whether they should make it up like last year or try something different. Harry
even asked him if he'd like lights over the bed so they could sleep with them
on at night since he was certain Eggsy's first box hadn't contained any.
"Yeah, just so long as you hang 'em. I don't think I can reach. I put some
tinsel around the mirror in the bedroom too, but it got kinda crooked 'cause
I'm too short." The house did look more cheerful now that it was decked out.
Eggsy couldn't get rid of his nervousness completely, but the warm cheer
suffusing the house did help. There was an illusion of safety and normalcy, and
illusions did have effects. Eggsy just couldn't shake the knowledge that it
wasn't as solid and certain as it looked. Few things in his life had been
certain, and if he couldn't trust Harry to tell him the truth about things,
then he had no way of being certain at all beyond what he determined for
himself.
When they were finished, Harry gathered him into his arms and pulled him down
onto the couch. Eggsy went pliantly enough, but the way Harry did it, the care
and the closeness in his touch, made Eggsy think that his mood had not been as
unnoticed as he'd thought. Harry sat back and held Eggsy in his lap, admiring
their work before he spoke. "I know things haven't been easy today. Or maybe
they haven't been for some time now. But I'd like to do whatever I can to ease
it for you." Harry rested his chin on Eggsy's small shoulder and looked at him
out of the corner of his eye.
"You're helpin'. I don't know how to fix stuff right away, though, but it was
nice to go out for dinner." Eggsy glanced around the room at the soft,
colourful lighting and tried to relax in Harry's arms. Harry was trying to be
supportive. Eggsy didn't doubt that he loved him. The feel of his body was
familiar, as was his scent and the deep timbre of his voice. Harry wanted to
help, and Eggsy was consumed with guilt that he didn't feel safe enough to tell
him what he was thinking and what had happened. "Maybe we can do something
special this weekend. Or I'll ask you for more stuff to do, if Jake keeps
pickin' on me. I'm just sad about everything. Like, it's probably not true I'm
cursed or whatever, like they said, but sometimes it feels like it. Like
nothin's gonna go right in the end."
Harry hummed against his shoulder and wrapped his arms tighter around Eggsy's
middle. "Just remember the end is a very long time from now. And whatever has
gone wrong in the past won't determine all that will come in the future."
How comforting Harry's words would be if Eggsy wasn't guessing at his betrayal.
And it was a guess at this point. Even though there were very few explanations
Eggsy could find for the camera and the lie, there was still the slightest,
slightest possibility that Harry had not meant to lie. That he had somehow
forgotten.... But Harry had lied before. And now Eggsy was stuck in a cycle of
doubt and suspicion and guilt until he knew for certain.
"And I would indeed like to do something this weekend. Maybe think of some
ideas tomorrow and we can make it our own little getaway." Harry took a deep
breath and sighed, a movement that Eggsy felt against his back, pressed so
close that he might have taken the breath himself. "It's still early. Would you
like to watch a film? I have some work to follow up on tonight, but it
shouldn't take very long."
"Yeah, I'd like that. I dunno what we should watch, though. Something new I
haven't seen before." Eggsy wanted Harry to log into his computer, but he
thought it would be far too suspicious to go to bed early. Better to spend time
with Harry and keep him from knowing that anything was amiss. "Could we really
go somewhere? Even though I'm not off from school yet? Or do we gotta wait? Or
do you mean like... goin' somewhere in London?"
"I was thinking somewhere in London, or at least nearby. Have you ever been
skiing before?" Harry asked. They'd gone ice skating the year prior several
times and it had been wonderful fun. Harry had been as comfortable on the ice
as he was on foot. More, even, when he'd seamlessly switched from skating
forwards to backwards and proceeded to skate in circles around Eggsy, helping
him along until he got the hang of it, too. Eggsy had found his footing sure
enough, but now that he looked back on it, he could see the way Harry moved was
really something else.
"No, I haven't. Some kids at school went on a trip once, but it was too
expensive for mum to afford the ticket and rental and all that. Is it like
skating? Or skateboarding?" Eggsy thought one type of sliding was much like
another. Ice skating had been a bit different by the way he had to push off
with his feet, but balancing hadn't been a problem. He'd spent so much time
skateboarding that he was used to having to keep his balance and stay upright
while he was moving along with little friction.
"You might prefer snowboarding. That is far more similar to skateboarding,"
Harry mused before he released Eggsy from his hold. "Go on, pick out a film and
I'll make us some tea."
Eggsy climbed off Harry's lap and Harry went to the kitchen, opening the
cupboards and taking down mugs. For the first time ever, finding a film that
wasn't too long was top priority. Eggsy didn't know how long his camera could
record, but he doubted it could be much over two and a half hours. It was a
nice camera, but he hadn't had time to check the battery either, and there was
no time to go up and pause it since after only a minute, Harry was coming back
with the tea.
"I'm not seeing a movie I want to do, but... maybe we could start watching a
show? Like, one episode a night or something." A programme like that was
certain to be no more than an hour. Eggsy could spend time with Harry, then beg
off another episode for being too tired, and go to bed while Harry went off to
take care of whatever work he had to do. "Doctor Who or something? I don't know
what kind of shows you like."
"I must admit I haven't seen an episode of Doctor Who since I was your age, but
if you can find one on, go right ahead." Harry settled back on the couch and
set the mugs on the coffee table. He held the remote out for Eggsy.
Fortunately, Harry had a lot of channels and the classics were almost always
playing. If not Doctor Who, they could surely find something else interesting
enough to pass the hour. Harry sat back and spread out his long legs before
Eggsy sat beside him. He took a sip of his tea and let Eggsy flip through the
channels.
As luck would have it, one of the channels was doing a rerun. Eggsy settled
down and snuggled against Harry while the Doctor and his companion ran about on
their latest adventure. Eggsy couldn't have said much about either of them or
what was going on, having not really watched before; he'd heard about it from
friends, but there hadn't been new episodes in years. Eggsy didn't even
recognize the actors on the show. Truth be told, he paid more attention to
Harry than to the show itself, pressing himself against the older man and
trying to ease the misery filling him up.
Eggsy just wanted everything back to normal. He wanted to stop worrying and for
things to be fine again.
It was amazing how such a small discovery could throw him into such a turbulent
state. It could be nothing and yet....
Harry's arm laid around his shoulders, his hand massaging lightly against
Eggsy's arm. Harry might not have even been aware of the action for how relaxed
he felt. Eggsy could find no tension in the older man's body, just the steady
rise and fall of his chest. Harry's attention was on the telly, but every now
and again, Eggsy caught him glance down. His fingers never stopped their
massage though, not to squeeze in reassurance nor stop altogether. Harry could
probably tell Eggsy was still thinking about something, but he'd pried enough
already. For one night, anyway.
Mugs were emptied, and the show ended in a little over an hour. Eggsy stretched
and turned in Harry's arms. "I still feel all weird. Maybe I should go to bed.
Sometimes when stuff used to be bad at home, I'd sleep and feel better so long
as I couldn't... hear stuff outside the door. I don't have to worry about that
kinda thing here though."
There was a clear kind of consideration in the look Harry cast down upon Eggsy,
but Eggsy couldn't decipher what he was thinking. "You can go to bed early if
you like," Harry said, measured but softly. He smoothed back a lock of Eggsy's
hair that was getting too long. "Would you like me to join you?" Harry would
likely put off his duties until the morning if Eggsy said yes.
"You got work to do, you said," Eggsy reminded him. "When you're done, maybe.
You can wake me up and we can see if the lights are like the movies. I don't
want you to get in trouble for slackin' on my account though. I remember how
many trips that guy who runs your group sent you on after I got into your
headquarters. I don't want you gone on the weekends or Christmas because
someone was mad you were late with things."
Harry gave Eggsy a sombre smile. "They won't punish me too harshly for a
night's tardiness. But alright." He sighed and kissed Eggsy's forehead. "Go on
up to bed, then. The lights should still be on. I'll join you soon."
Harry's hands lingered as Eggsy obeyed, pulling himself up from the couch and
stretching, but the man let him go. Harry sat back and watched Eggsy for a
moment. It wasn't the penetrating gaze he'd set on Eggsy earlier that night. He
looked like he was simply taking Eggsy in. Like he could imagine all the
Eggsy's of their nights past standing where Eggsy stood now, and Harry could
rewind all the way back to the days Eggsy had first arrived on a whim. It
brought a look of quiet happiness to his features before Harry closed his eyes
and rose from the couch himself.
"D'you think we could try snowboarding this weekend? Or don't you know yet if
they're gonna send you somewhere?" Eggsy lingered in the doorway. He had to go
to bed in order for Harry to feel free to log into his computer, but there was
still the heart stopping possibility that Harry would check the video feeds
right away. Harry looked so calm and inviting that for a moment Eggsy doubted
his doubts. He wanted to believe that everything was a mistake. He wanted to
tell Harry what had happened and get a real answer.
But Eggsy couldn't do that and be certain. He remembered the previous lies, and
the odd look from when he'd asked about cameras before.
"I should think not. They've promised me the weekend off." Harry came up to him
and curled his fingers in Eggsy's hair before he slipped off to the kitchen,
shutting off the kettle and turning off the lights. "I think this weekend would
be the perfect opportunity."
Eggsy had no excuse to wait any longer once the lights were out, only that it
was convenient to wait for Harry and that they went up together. Harry looked
on the verge of tiredness himself, his eyes heavy and his gait unhurried as he
followed Eggsy up the stairs. They parted ways with Harry's fingers on his
shoulder as the man headed for his office and Eggsy for the loo to get ready
for bed. Harry's passing touches were normal by now, but they stood out just
then. He always seemed to be reaching for Eggsy wherever they were in a room,
and it was impossible to tell whether Harry even thought about it.
Eggsy shut the door while he relieved himself and brushed his teeth. He
couldn't help but look at the space where the vase and plant were glaringly
absent, replaced by holiday decor. When the boy glanced at his reflection in
the mirror, he looked haunted. Whatever happened now, happened. Maybe things
would go according to plan and he would be able to delete the video feeds.
Maybe he'd even see how many cameras there were in the house and why; there had
to be a pattern or something that would tell him why Harry had bothered to
stick a camera in the loo.
But if things went awry, Eggsy knew the next few days would be miserable. Harry
wouldn't yell at him or turn him out of the house, but the sad, disappointed
look Eggsy could picture him wearing would be punishment enough.
When Eggsy couldn't stay any longer, he left the toilet and, in passing to the
bedroom, glanced inside Harry's office.
Harry was not at his computer. Eggsy couldn't even see whether it was on. But
Harry stood at the side of his desk with a file of paper documents in one hand,
his glasses on, and a snifter of brandy in the other. Eggsy couldn't stay to
watch. Harry was taking his time and there was nothing Eggsy could do to hurry
him along. Harry paid him no mind as he went into the bedroom, and from there,
Eggsy could only wait and hope that time hadn't already run out.
Chapter End Notes
     Thank you everyone for reading! While you're here, I'd like to invite
     you all to join a little party we're putting on, not for this fic
     specifically, but for all the darker-styled Kingsman works out there,
     and encourage party-goers to make their own.
     We're making a fest of it over at the Dark_Kingsman_Block_Party and
     everyone is welcome!
***** Chapter 30 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Eggsy turned out the lights and crawled into bed. He couldn't fall asleep no
matter how he tried, but he knew that if he got up and did something besides
try to sleep, Harry would likely come in to comfort him. Under normal
circumstances that would have been wonderful, but Eggsy didn't know whether
Harry had used his computer yet or if distracting him would jeopardize Eggsy’s
chances. He had to wait, glancing at the bedside clock now and then as the
minutes slowly crawled by, listening for sounds from Harry's office down the
hall.
He didn't hear anything for what must have been over fifteen minutes, until the
sound of a door closing and the water running travelled down the hall. Harry
was getting ready for bed. He was finished with work for the night, but now
that Eggsy had seen him with that paper file he couldn't say whether Harry
hadn't been thinking of that alone when he said he'd needed to finish up
something for work. He might have just spend fifteen minutes reading over
reports and never even touched the computer.
By the time Harry finished up in the loo and stepped into the bedroom on silent
feet, probably expecting Eggsy to be asleep, Eggsy was no closer to rest than
he'd been when he'd laid down.
Eggsy made a pretence of being asleep anyway, keeping still and taking deep,
measured breathes until he heard a rustle of fabric and the mattress dipped
behind him. A warm arm snaked around Eggsy's middle and he sighed and scooted
backwards until he felt Harry pressed against his back. "...'arry? What time is
it? You're done...?"
"Mm, yes. All done," Harry murmured against the back of his neck. "Were you
pretending to be asleep for me?" Harry asked and it caused Eggsy's heart to
leap. There was no accusation in his tone, however, and that was a good sign.
Harry kissed the skin at his nape where the fine hairs began to grow thicker
and hugged Eggsy close. Everything in his demeanour told Eggsy he thought the
ploy was adorable rather than offensive.
"You like wakin' me up, don't you?" Eggsy's arms wrapped around the much larger
ones twined around him. For all his doubts, being held like this by Harry
warmed him and made his heart ache. Harry was always so kind and loving, he
couldn't be doing anything really wrong. There had to be an explanation, just
like the lies about his job and the spy equipment - nothing that Eggsy would be
happy about, but something that had a good reason behind it.
With Harry's mouth pressed against the back of his neck, Eggsy could feel his
smile. "You have me there. I do like waking you up," Harry confessed.
With the strings of soft lights they'd set up in the bedroom only hours ago
hanging above them in a low curtain, the ceiling above their bed really did
look like the sort of thing a band of fairies might leave behind. Or elves.
Harry tucked one arm under Eggsy and turned them so that he could look up
better. "You were right," Harry said, "This does look like the perfect scenery
for romance."
Eggsy's mouth turned up at the corners. He felt a bit silly, given that every
movie he'd seen such lights in had been the sort that his mother had liked to
watch - full of sappy dialogue and girls sighing wistfully while looking at
photos of their crushes. Evidently the girls were on to something; the soft,
colourful lighting changed the angles of everything and turned the bed into a
comfortable lit island in a sea of darkness. "'Course I am. I'm always right,
ain't I?"
"I don't know if I'd go that far," Harry poked Eggsy gently in the ribs and
tossed him a smile. How Harry's eyes could twinkle in light like this. How
happy he looked. "But you do have some good ideas, I'll give you that." Then
Harry leaned in to kiss the pout away from Eggsy's mouth. He lingered there and
though the kiss was long, even heated, with one of Harry's hands carding
through Eggsy's hair, there was no insistence behind it for more. It was funny
how Eggsy could tell the difference now between Harry just enjoying him and
Harry wanting to go further.
"What kind of good ideas?" Even now, Eggsy wanted to relax and enjoy Harry,
too. He wanted Harry to praise him and whisper sweet things in his ear and hold
him until he forgot all about the broken vase, and the camera, and yet another
lie. Sadness was eating the boy up inside because even he could see that wasn't
an option. He could ignore it for a while, but eventually it would come back to
haunt him again - likely whenever it was that Harry finally noticed that the
vase wasn't just packed away, but was missing.
"Oh.... Like letting me have my wicked way with you," Harry mused with a smile
and Eggsy could tell he was trying to lighten the mood. "Like stocking the
fridge with ice cream after dinner. Like introducing me to Spiderman. And let's
not forget you singlehandedly broke into a top secret organization within days
of suspecting it even existed." Harry's smile turned crooked and softened. He
rubbed his thumb over Eggsy's cheek and looked like he could see just how
uncertain Eggsy was inside. "You've lost so much already," Harry's voice turned
quiet and serious. "I will do everything I can to make it up to you."
"I dunno how." Eggsy couldn't imagine what would make up for the losses in his
life. It wouldn't change what had happened. His father couldn't be brought
back, his mother wouldn't stop drinking except of her own volition, and the
world was the way it was. Harry had shown that he wielded a great amount of
power and influence under the right circumstances, but even he couldn't change
society. "It's not like it's your fault, anyways. It's not your fault my dad
died, y'know. Or that people are jerks, at school or elsewhere. Wishin' don't
make things different, but you make it a lot nicer, even though you can't
change things."
Harry didn't look happier. In fact, he frowned a little, but it was smoothed
away a moment later. "Well, I'm glad to hear you think so." Harry sighed and
moved his hand to Eggsy's back, folding him up again in Harry's embrace. "We
should get some sleep. You might feel better in the morning. If only a little."
Harry shifted to get comfortable. He looked so different than he did during the
day with his head half buried into a pillow and the warm light falling on the
side of his face. It made him look softer and not nearly so impeccably
untouchable. It made him look younger. From the way Harry's eyes lingered,
Eggsy could say he might have looked similar himself.
Eggsy would never have believed Harry to be capable of being a spy had he not
found out about his real work. It was difficult to even imagine Harry being a
soldier in the distant past. The older man seemed too soft, too gentle, too
warm and open where the veterans Eggsy had run into were often hard around the
edges, cautious, and brusque. Harry never pretended like there was a chain of
command between them either. Eggsy could imagine Harry to be very good at
tricking people into telling him things and gathering information, but nothing
like he saw in movies about spies. Landon seemed much more the type. Harry
seemed like a gun would never belong in his hand.
But Harry did own a gun. He did get into fights on missions, because he came
back with the injuries to prove it. Eggsy looked back at Harry and wondered
whether that was one of many pieces of him that he didn't see.
Harry's eyes were heavier, but Eggsy knew the man wouldn't fall asleep until he
did. Harry did that when Eggsy had had a bad day. Even if Harry was tired, he'd
stay up to watch him.
And that meant Eggsy wouldn't be able to check his own recording until after
school the next day. He wouldn't have long enough in the morning, and Harry
would be there. But Eggsy would be home before Harry was, and he'd have an hour
or two to find out if his plan had worked or not. Until then, he was going to
have to wait and hope.
Going to sleep like that was difficult. For once, Eggsy didn't feel reassured
by the arm Harry draped over him. Reassurance couldn't come from Harry until
Eggsy knew more about what was going on and felt more secure. That wouldn't
happen until Eggsy convinced himself that he was safer - that the evidence of
his blunder was hidden enough to give him some time, and to plan for what he
would do if Harry reacted badly.
There was danger in waiting. The camera might have been from someone else
spying on them, but Eggsy didn't think so. Harry and he did quite a lot in the
shower together. Had it been from someone else, something would already have
happened.
All Eggsy could do was wait. His last thought before he drifted into sleep was
how sad it was that he couldn't trust Harry enough to tell him the truth.
===============================================================================
School the next day was impossible. Every passing hour couldn't come fast
enough and each was a special kind of torture to wait through. Eggsy spent most
of the day staring at the clock. By the time he finally caught the bus home,
his stomach had been in knots for more than half his classes.
He'd woken up with Harry already out of bed, making breakfast, and seemingly
none the wiser to Eggsy's plot. He'd taken Eggsy to school with a kiss before
they were out the door and a wave as they said goodbye. Nothing out of the
ordinary, except for the gnawing feeling in the pit of Eggsy's stomach.
When Eggsy arrived at the end of the mew to Harry's house, the street was quiet
and all the lights were out, just as he'd hoped. Harry hadn't come home early.
Eggsy hurried up the stairs and into Harry's office as soon as he was in the
door. He couldn't think about how futile it was to pin his hopes on this. His
recorder may not even have worked, or caught enough for Eggsy to use, and Harry
might have other cameras in the house. Maybe ones that showed him entering the
office or placing his recorder inside. If he couldn't get things to work and
delete all the evidence, he'd have twice as much against him now: the accident
in the loo, and now purposeful attempts at spying.
The boy couldn't bring himself to really feel guilty about it. Harry had kept
secrets multiple times. Eggsy was only trying to find out the truth.
Clambering up onto the desk chair, Eggsy breathed a small sigh of relief when
he reached into the tree decoration and felt his camera still there. It took a
couple of seconds for him to unstick it, and then he had to go back down to the
kitchen to look for batteries. The camera was out of power, but it had still
been there, which was a good sign.
He found more in a drawer and quickly exchanged them. With a press of the power
button, the camera came to life again. Eggsy opened the viewscreen and the menu
lit up while a red light on its side blinked at him, indicating that it was out
of tape.
With his heart in his throat, Eggsy rewound the footage he'd taken, unable to
guess how much he'd gotten. He stopped it somewhere in the middle of the
recording and pressed play, only to find a scene of the outdoors, the camera
looking up a rock face to Harry above, hanging from its ledge with rope wrapped
over his shoulder and looking down at him. Harry was smiling and saying
something but the audio was off. It was from their time in France that summer,
and with a clench of Eggsy’s chest, he knew he'd gone back too far. He
fastforwarded it, trying to guess how much tape there was left and hope there
had been enough.
When he pressed play again, he found a scene of Harry's desk. The room was so
dark it was almost impossible to tell except for the view of the upstairs hall
through the open doorway. This must have been while they were watching the
telly, Eggsy realised, and pressed fastforward again, this time watching as the
footage sped up. It seemed to go on forever. There was barely any tape left.
Eggsy thought it was going to run out at any moment, but then another light
turned on in the hall and Eggsy hit play.
A tall figure stepped through the office door and turned on the light. Harry
looked different from this vantage point, high up on the shelf, but Eggsy could
guess when this had been. A minute or two passed while Harry picked up some
files from inside a drawer and poured himself a drink. He still hadn't touched
the computer by the time Eggsy saw a smaller figure pass by the open door. He
caught his own face glancing Harry's way, and then he disappeared again.
Eggsy held his breath while Harry looked up. He'd noticed Eggsy's passing, too.
Then he set down the papers and his glass, and drew back the chair. Finally,
Harry turned on the computer.
Through some miracle, Eggsy had a good shot of the keyboard. Not great, as the
camera angle obscured some of the keys behind Harry's hands, but passable. He
could see the finger movements and the approximate placement of each.
It would take a few tries, but Eggsy thought he'd be able to mimic what was on
the tape. He ran back upstairs, camera in hand, and situated himself on his
knees in Harry's chair so he could get a better look at the keyboard. He
rewound the recording a few more times, eyes flickering between the screen and
his own fingers. When he thought he had his hands placed correctly and could
remember the movements and order, Eggsy gave it a try.
The first two times he failed, until he realised that Harry had been holding
down the shift key with the pinkie finger of his right hand for a portion of
it. Eggsy looked at it again, counted out the keystrokes, and made sure he
could see where the shift had been added. He tried it again, one eye on the
monitor's entry box before he hit Enter.
And then he was in.
The screen cleared and loaded the desktop, which looked fairly normal, empty
but for the start menu and a row of icons on its side. No alarms sounded and
nothing looked out of the ordinary.
Eggsy looked over the icons. Much of it was the standard stuff, so Eggsy began
clicking just to see what folder lists would pop up. Some were technical
looking folders that seemed to be part of the operating system, but others were
created by Harry himself. A folder labelled "M" was filled with subfolders
titled with dates and what looked to be names of places or people.
Eggsy's hand paused on the mouse, and then he clicked into one. He wasn't there
to look at missions, but so long as he was quick, it wouldn't hurt. Eggsy was
curious about what sorts of mission files Harry might keep on his own computer.
He had figured that most of that would be kept at their headquarters, although
he supposed it made sense for him to have some files at home if he was
submitting reports and other things.
It looked like it was all organized by date rather than mission names, so Eggsy
clicked on one of the folders near the top, one from July. Inside, he found
hundreds of files, but they all looked carefully organized into other folders
themselves. He found property records and articles from the news about arson,
even a couple documents from a court with names he didn't recognize that had
something to do with the properties, but he couldn't decipher what. It looked
like there were emails there, too. A long list of them. Eggsy opened one, but
it was too dry to make sense of. Someone was giving Harry the blueprints to a
building and going on about the schedules of the neighbours, and whoever it was
had signed it "M".
Eggsy clicked on the folder labelled "Footage" last. That was what he was
looking for, after all, although he guessed Harry's personal surveillance
footage wouldn't be mixed in with his work. Half a dozen video files came up.
The first Eggsy clicked on was little more than the wearer of the camera moving
through a blackened building, going through the wreckage of a fire. Eggsy
couldn't tell if he was looking for something or if he was just filming it
because the camera never stopped except to inspect how the fire had spread.
The next video Eggsy clicked on was very different. It opened in a dark room,
what looked like a very expensively furnished room, but there was a man slumped
in the corner of it and looking up to the person wearing the camera.
Tinny audio came out of the computer's speakers, and Eggsy startled before he
realized what it was: sound that went with the video. A click and slide of the
mouse brought the volume level up. It didn't make a difference that it was
louder; Eggsy couldn't make out what was being said. The man in the corner
slurred something and twitched, reaching for whoever was recording only for his
arm to shake, then drop. What caught Eggsy's eye was the mantelpiece off to the
left. If he wasn't mistaken, he'd seen the exact same stonework in the previous
video.
The man on the floor twitched again, this time in response to liquid hitting
his skin. The camera briefly caught a flicker of a hand holding a container.
Its contents spattered over the man's body and part of the floor, and the
camera turned around the room. Whoever was carrying the camera repeated the
action all over the floor and up the walls, then left, ignoring what sounded
like weak and drunken shouting from the man who was being left behind.
Once in the hall, the hand--large but slim, long fingered--picked up another
canister waiting for him there. He opened it and trailed the same liquid along
beside him as he walked, pace steady and unhurried. Eggsy's breath began to
slow with every step, until the man reached a stairwell and turned around. He
took a moment to look down the hall, and the slumped man did not emerge. Then
the camera looked down and Eggsy got a clear view of a tall body clad in dark
clothes, reaching into a pocket in his trousers.
Eggsy stopped breathing when the man brought up a lighter. He stared,
transfixed, as flame jumped from its end, as it stood bright and yellow for a
split second on camera and then the man bent and touched it to the ground.
Flames poured of it, flames that raced down the hall and up the walls and
veered into the room the camera had just left.
Then the camera turned and began moving again, down a stairwell and away from
danger, before the video ended.
Eggsy felt a cold chill spread through him. He'd watched a murder. He hadn't
seen the man die, but he knew that the figure on the floor had been in no shape
to flee. He hadn't even been able to get up or do anything when the camera had
been pointed at him. That meant he had died from fire - the same fire that had
ravaged the place until it had turned into the pictures he'd first seen.
Harry had to have been investigating the crime. Why else would he have
documented evidence, and records of court cases and people's schedules? Eggsy
hadn't anticipated seeing such chilling footage but... he supposed he should
have. He'd suspected before that Harry left out pieces of his stories, probably
because he thought they'd worry Eggsy too much, and he wasn't wrong in thinking
that. Eggsy had a new appreciation for the fact that Harry was stashing weapons
and supplies around the house in case of emergencies. If Harry was going up
against criminals that did this to other people, they'd have no problems doing
it to the two of them.
The boy gulped down a few breathes of air and, once his dizziness passed,
clicked into a different folder. This one had a name he didn't understand. If
Eggsy had to guess, he would have said that it was a codename. The inside of
the second folder was much like the first: word documents, photos, and
recordings.
It was organized much the same way as the dated folders inside M were, but
Eggsy could see they were two different projects. Some of the photos in this
one contained really exotic scenery at first glance. It was a jungle somewhere,
Eggsy thought, as he found aerial photos of an expanse of green below, densely
packed and impossible to see through until he glimpsed clearings here and there
where small forts had been erected. Some were a little closer, and he could see
that there were men in faded military garb moving about the facilities. There
were a lot of photos like that, and some of the documents talked about a
conflict growing between factions of a country that had names he didn't
recognise. One video gave him a view from a helicopter, looking out at the
jungle below. It wasn't long though, and it was fairly stationary. Then there
were others of warehouses hidden away like the forts had been. Photos of inside
those warehouses, of stacks of weaponry and boxes of other items Eggsy couldn't
guess at.
One of the warehouse videos stood out from the others. Its naming convention
was different. Where the others had the date and time, and what was possibly
coordinates, this one had the additional description of "HITS - 32".
Eggsy opened the file. The video player popped back up again and the screen
opened with darkness. When more of the room became visible, Eggsy realised it
might have been the inside of one of the warehouses he’d seen in the photos.
Whoever was wearing the camera crept along something high up, like a catwalk,
looking down and keeping to the shadows. Figures appeared down below now and
again, badly illuminated by sparse and dim overhead lights. The camera
compensated for the dim lighting by switching to a greenish tinge. Night
vision.
One of the people below began to walk off in a direction away from any of the
others, and the camera began to move more rapidly. It tailed the man, who had
to be a guard or soldier from the look of his clothing and the gun he was
carrying. Eggsy held his breath as the camera dropped down a level, and then
another. Closer it edged, and closer yet... and then chaos ensued.
Eggsy couldn't see everything that happened, and it happened too quickly: hands
darted out, one covering the guard's mouth while another slid a knife across
his throat. Eggsy saw a gush of blood squirt to one side, but the camera was
already tilting down, following the trail of the gun that was unceremoniously
yanked from the dying man's fingers. A rush of steps and the camera was up
again, rounding a corner towards another guard a few feet away.
The camera was moving like it was attached to someone's head, looking wherever
that person looked. Moreover, Eggsy had seen that kind of footage before - when
he'd looked through the video footage in Harry's glasses. Eggsy's stomach
dropped as he realized the footage from the arson murder was the same.
Whoever was wearing the camera raised the weapon, some kind of shortened rifle,
and fired off a few quick shots that had the next soldier down in less than a
second. The camera darted around another stack of crates while men shouted.
Then it was moving again, coming up behind two of the soldiers and downing them
at the same time. This happened over and over, darting between corners,
encountering the men who'd spread out in search of the attacker, and taking
them out one by one. It was systematic, almost like the man with the camera
could predict where they were and when they would fire. Like he'd done this
before.
Eggsy couldn't have said how many of the soldiers had been killed before the
man with the camera tossed the rifle aside and took out a pistol, one that
Eggsy recognized immediately with its large, second barrel. The camera began
sprinting through the warehouse and Eggsy saw the soldiers were going for the
door, trying to escape.
The video burst into light once they were outside. Long fingered hands latched
onto one soldier's back as the cameraman launched himself through the door,
right on their heels. A hail of gunfire rained down, catching that soldier like
a shield before it stopped and the camera rolled for a moment. Then the fight
drew close. The man carrying the camera had landed in the middle of the
remaining soldiers, and Eggsy saw that double barrelled gun slide under the jaw
of one man and fire before the world spun again and a finely suited elbow
collided with the cheek of another. That gun fired all the while they were
twisting and turning, almost dancing through the small band of soldiers.
They fell one by one in quick succession.
By the end of the video, bodies littered the ground and the camera view was
marred by a few flecks of blood. The execution had been masterful and would
have required no small amount of training and experience, but Eggsy couldn't
appreciate it. He felt numb. His heart was pounding, and dampness coated his
skin. When the video ended, Eggsy felt like he was in a terrible nightmare, one
he'd wake up from any moment.
He'd recognized the gun, and those hands. The camera was even high enough to
probably be the right height. This was footage from a mission where Harry
hadn't been pretending to be someone else, applying clever subterfuge and
gathered intelligence to a benevolent end and saving the day. He'd stalked and
murdered the people in the video. Perhaps they were all bad guys, but Eggsy
didn't know if bad guys all deserved to die like that. Particularly not in the
way he saw in the first video. Getting shot or stabbed would be terrible, but
being burned to death had to be much worse.
Nausea made Eggsy’s stomach clench, and he swallowed and clicked out of the
folder. He didn't want to see any more mission footage, and Harry had to be
keeping the house's video feeds somewhere else. He had to focus. Once he got
rid of the evidence from the house cameras, then he could think about
everything he'd just seen and decide what to do about it.
After some time of searching without any luck, his mind half distracted by
nerves, Eggsy found that the house surveillance footage was being controlled
through a program, one of the ones in the top of Harry's often used list. As
soon as Eggsy opened it, he had to sit back in his chair.
It brought up an array of tiny video feeds that covered the screen. The entire
screen. They were everywhere, all places he recognised in the house, and they
were live. He took a breath, and then another, staring at them one by one.
There were some in the kitchen, some in the living room and the halls, and
every room Eggsy could see. There were others in the toilet, ones he had missed
somehow. They were even in Harry's bedroom.
This had been what he was looking for, but he hadn't expected there would be so
many.
The program saved feeds into different folders depending on the room, making it
easier to sort and navigate. Eggsy followed the file path in the program's
options window. His throat felt dry. He'd just watched Harry kill people, and
now here was more confirmation that Harry was lying and hiding parts of
himself. He'd said there weren't many cameras, and that they were just near
doors and such places for external security. These were everywhere, far more
than would be needed for home security.
Harry wouldn't bother putting so many cameras on himself. The only explanation
was that the cameras were all there for him. Eggsy was being watched in every
room in the house, at every moment, for reasons Eggsy couldn't even guess at.
He hadn't thought he was so untrustworthy that Harry would start to watch him
all the time.
He didn't have a better way of covering up what he'd done than to go through
every folder and delete the contents of the night prior, but even Eggsy knew
that would leave the footage conspicuously missing. His heart sank further and
further with every file he sent to the recycle bin. He didn't know if he was
getting them all. He didn't even know if it would matter, but he double checked
just in case. He was already going through with this plan.
It occurred to him that he had the opportunity here to see how far back this
went. Maybe Harry deleted the old footage after a while, Eggsy thought, but
when he sorted through the higher level folders, he saw they went back for
months. Over a year, in fact. Eggsy clicked through one of the earliest and
found, unexpectedly, files that had been separated from the others, ones marked
with his name. Opening one from the living room, he saw Harry setting up a
blanket over the couch, positioning chairs underneath it, and then Eggsy coming
in with comics and sweets under his arms. It hit him that he remembered that
night. Harry had made them a blanket fort and they'd read underneath it. It was
one of Eggsy's first memories of Harry's house.
The cameras had been set up before he'd even lived with Harry. Before Harry
would even feel that their relationship was threatened by him finding things
Harry didn't want him to see or know. Harry had wanted video footage of him
from the beginning, and not for security reasons.
Eggsy supposed it was reasonable to want mementoes of friends and good times
spent together, but the cameras were more than two friends taking a picture
together. There were so many, and they were a secret. Eggsy hadn't known that
he was being filmed.
Harry would have had, and seen, footage of everything that he'd done in the
house. He would have known about everything, including things at the beginning
of their time together. He would have seen Eggsy's reactions to the books in
his bookcase, and the actions that had followed his thoughts about it. Harry
had to have known about his crush before Eggsy had even said anything, because
Eggsy would have only known to hide his feelings when he thought he wasn't
being watched.
Eggsy shivered with cold that wasn't there. Harry hadn't acted like that at
all. Eggsy would have never guessed he might have known that much in advance,
and now Eggsy didn't know what it meant. Maybe.... Maybe it meant that Harry
just had had a crush on him for longer than he'd thought. Maybe....this was all
just....some kind of weird thing that was ingrained in Harry after so long
being a spy. But even as Eggsy thought so, he didn't quite believe it. It
seemed almost plausible, but....
He clicked back and took a look at the files from all the months again, his
whole timeline at Harry's house, before he noticed one folder that didn't fit.
It was at the very top of the list, and it was titled "Prior". When Eggsy
clicked it, he found more dated videos, and a long list of audio files with
dates and times that went back years. He clicked one, unable to comprehend what
it might be, and found himself, climbing off his bed where a set of action
figures lay, having been played with just minutes beforehand. Eggsy was
stripping off his clothing, unhurried and unaware he was being recorded, and
then going through his drawers for a pair of pyjamas.
His bedroom. His bedroom back at the flat. Eggsy clicked into other ones and
found more: audio recordings of him talking with his mother, himself climbing
out of his bedroom window, himself playing by the outside stairwells. There was
even a video of one of those nights, when he'd gone into the box under his bed
and begun to physically explore and discover his sexuality. Some of the files
were from before they'd even met, which could only mean that Harry had picked
him and watched from a distance.
Their first encounter hadn't been coincidence. Now that Eggsy had a moment to
think about it, Mr. Pickle had always been a very obedient dog. Taking him off
the leash wouldn't have normally resulted in the gleeful running that Eggsy
remembered from that first day.
His head was spinning. He wasn't seeing the screen in front of him any longer.
Frantically he clicked through the folders and only found more videos. He
needed something more, an explanation, anything. Without guilt, he opened up
Harry's email and scrolled back through the dates as tendrils of betrayal began
growing inside his chest.
Harry had either done this because of his work, for some reason, but Eggsy
couldn't imagine a secret spy organization wanting anything to do with him, or
Harry had done this for himself. The pieces of this puzzle were beginning to
form a picture in Eggsy's mind, but he needed more. If there was the slightest
chance it wasn't what it looked like....
And then he saw his name. Scrolling through Harry's email, a year ago, he saw
his full, legal name. "Regarding Gary Unwin" from the County Court's Office, it
read, and when Eggsy opened it, he realised he shouldn't have been surprised.
It was a letter about the case of his custody. Harry would have gotten plenty
of those. He closed it, but there were others.... There were conversation
threads with again, someone named "M".
Skimming those gave Eggsy more information than he had ever wanted to see.
Parts of the notes were cryptic, but enough was straightforward that Eggsy knew
what was being referenced: leverage over members of the justice system,
falsified witness testimony and reports, a plant on the underground and
strategic traffic delays to ensure Michelle had a disgraceful court entrance.
Planted evidence and manipulated bank accounts. Eggsy's gaze started to waver
as tears welled up. Dean hadn't been the reason his mother had gotten in legal
and financial trouble. Her boyfriend had been bad news from the start, but he
hadn't been the one to make Michelle lose her custody.
Harry had. He'd manipulated everything from behind the scenes. Michelle had
never stood a chance.
Eggsy couldn't see anymore. Tears flowed down his cheeks. He felt like he
couldn't breathe. He couldn't look at this. He pushed himself away from the
desk and intended to get up, but he couldn't. All he could think about was his
mother, and Harry, how nice he'd been back then.
A sob escaped Eggsy's throat, and once one came, he couldn't stop the rest. His
tears flowed freely and everything inside him left him stuck on those moments
in court, seeing Michelle break down. Hearing her warn him about Harry, about
something she couldn't articulate and had no proof of, but she'd felt all the
same. It left Eggsy doubled over, chest aching, in a chair still too big for
him.
He had to leave. Eggsy knew he wouldn't be able to hide this revelation from
Harry. His distress was too new and deep, and he had no idea what Harry would
do to him if he found out that Eggsy knew about everything. Eggsy had just
watched him kill dozens of people, and Harry had no problems with doing
whatever it took for him to get what he wanted, including ruining Michelle's
life with tricks and lies.
The fact that what he wanted seemed to be Eggsy himself wasn't comforting. For
a moment, Eggsy wondered if Harry would stoop to keeping him prisoner in the
house, or someplace far away like the spy headquarters out in the countryside.
The boy didn't want to find out. He didn't know if he could even manage to
avoid being caught by a professional spy if he ran, but he couldn't bear to
stay another moment.
Eggsy ran towards his bedroom and began shoving things into a bag. He didn't
have much time before Harry came home and began to look for him. Eggsy's head
spun just trying to think about where he might be able to go; Harry knew his
friends. He couldn't go back home, either, because Harry would look there right
away. Eggsy didn't want his mother hurt any more than she already had been. He
didn't want his friends hurt either.
He needed clothes, warm clothes. He wanted to take his games, but he didn't
dare take anything electronic Harry had bought him as thoughts of hidden bugs
and trackers flashed through his mind. He grabbed his old Game Boy instead and
then moved into the hall. He was brought up short right away.
As fast as his heart was beating and as close to the verge of panic as he was,
he knew he'd need money. He had a bit of pocket change left over from the last
time Harry had let him go visit his friends, but that wasn't enough to last
very long. A soft glow emanated from the doorway of Harry's room, and Eggsy's
eyes lingered there. With his heart in his chest, he made his way inside,
trying his hardest to ignore the little fairy lights above the bed and the
memories of lying under them with Harry the night before. How loved he'd felt.
Eggsy knew Harry kept cash on him because that's what he gave to Eggsy whenever
he wanted to go somewhere by himself, but he didn't know if Harry always took
it with him. The first logical place to look was Harry's night stand.
He dug through the drawer and, luckily enough, a little roll was tucked away.
Not nearly as much as Eggsy would have liked, enough for food and
transportation for a few days, but better than nothing at all. Eggsy pocketed
it. The spare watch was in there and Eggsy contemplated it for a moment before
sliding the drawer closed again. He didn't really know how to use it, and it
might have a tracker inside it as well. If he had to protect himself, he'd have
to improvise, because going without was better than taking something with him
that Harry could use to catch him.
The boy put on multiple layers and headed back down the stairs. He had a bit
more room in his bag to stash some food from the kitchen, and then he'd have to
go. Eggsy wanted to be quite a ways away from the house before Harry got back.
He'd never had to sleep outside before, much less in winter, but he didn't have
much choice. He'd have to figure it out.
He was pulling on his boots in the hall when he heard the soft patter of
toenails and looked up to find Mr. Pickle coming to say hello. He must have
been napping in the living room, as he often did during the day. His tongue was
peeking out his mouth in a way Eggsy always thought of as his version of a
smile, and Eggsy's heart burned to be leaving. Tears threatened at his eyes
again as Mr. Pickle came up for a pat.
There wasn't much time left, but Eggsy went into the pantry to make sure his
bowl was full and find the dog a few extra treats. Mr. Pickle was happy enough
to receive them, and Eggsy figured that was as much as he could do for a
parting gift. He patted the dog on the head and whispered a quiet "Goodbye"
before he went for his jacket and mittens again, bundling up as much as he
could put on before he turned to the door.
Leaving for what was going to be the last time felt strange. More so because
he'd just gotten back from school. Eggsy felt like a whole day had passed in
the span of an hour. The sun was dipping towards the horizon and soon enough
the streets of London would be covered in shadows and streetlights. The
temperatures would drop swiftly afterwards. Eggsy could barely think, but he
knew he had to try to get far away, and that however he got there, it was going
to be risky. CC-TV cameras were everywhere, and Eggsy would bet money that
Harry or his coworkers had access to such things. There was nothing for it but
to use public transit and try to move away from wherever he got off as quickly
as possible.
Eggsy couldn't afford to cry. He knew it would draw attention he didn't want.
Some adult that saw him alone and crying might call a policeman, and then he'd
get stuck in a station and delivered right back to Harry once they found out
who he was.
Eggsy steeled himself and closed the door behind him. He locked it just so
Harry wouldn't think anything was wrong right away, but he knew that wouldn't
give him much extra time. He took the few short steps down to the freshly
ploughed snow of the mew and made his way to the street. He couldn't stop
himself from turning around one last time to look back at Harry's house. With
the sun glinting off the upstairs window and the early evening colours
drenching it in orange and gold, it looked....like something Eggsy would
remember for a long time. Tears threatened again and he had to turn around. He
knew his eyes were already red from crying before.
He took off down the street, passing pedestrians who might as well not have had
a care in the world compared to how he felt. The denizens of Harry's
neighbourhood had never been Eggsy's type of people, but now he felt completely
alienated to their presence as they walked by with steaming cups of coffee,
chatting about shopping and stocks and things. Eggsy quickened his step and
made for Gloucester Road, the nearest tube station.
Eggsy froze in front of the map once he got there. He knew from overhearing
conversations before that St. Mungos had several homeless shelters throughout
the city, but they posed the same problem he had with getting caught by
policemen: the adults would decide he shouldn't be out by himself without a
guardian, would trap him, and would contact Harry to pick him up. As far as
he'd heard, youth shelters were supposed to be for people quite a few years
older than him. He couldn't go to the courthouse either. Laws wouldn't protect
him from Harry; the emails showed that very clearly.
He was going to have to sleep on the street until he could figure out what to
do. That meant going somewhere where he didn't think he'd be noticed. One of
the rougher neighbourhoods, where there were other homeless people he could
blend in with, and lots of empty spaces and nooks where he could find someplace
to sleep. South or east were going to be his best bets.
Eggsy chose east. He'd grown up with legends of the East End gangsters and in
context, that thought was somewhat comforting.
Eggsy boarded the tube and found himself a seat between a woman reading a book
and a man looking off into space in the other direction. He tried to stay as
quiet and unnoticeable as he could, but he couldn't help looking for the
cameras mounted upon the ceiling. He spotted them right away, as they didn't
make a point of being hidden, and all Eggsy could hope was that he'd have
enough time.
It took thirty minutes to get to a stop near the East End of the city, thirty
minutes in which Eggsy sat thinking about Harry coming home and finding him
gone, about Harry texting him to ask whether he was visiting friends. About
Harry being worried. And finally, about Harry realising Eggsy had run away, and
why.
Even as betrayed as Eggsy felt, those thoughts hurt and brought tears to his
eyes all over again. He didn't know if he hated Harry or not. Harry had done
all of this to him, and to his mother... maybe even destroyed the lives of
other people. Eggsy had no idea if the man in the burnt house had done anything
wrong. Harry had done a number of terrible things, and Eggsy still loved him.
He loved him, and was angry with him, and he was terribly, terribly afraid of
him.
When he got off at All Saints, Eggsy had no idea what to do except to find
shelter. The map of the area showed several parks and all kinds of yards for
the railroad or boats traversing the river. One of them would do. Perhaps if
Eggsy hid in the right train carriage or boat, he could even get out of London
entirely. He didn't really like the idea, but if it was the only way to keep
himself from being found, he might have to leave.
As he set off down the street, he thought of other boys he'd heard of who were
runaways. Not just from the telly or from old books, but from his friends.
Other kids they actually knew. Eggsy knew they were all older boys, and he'd
only sort of met one of them once, but if some kids managed to escape their
families and get on somehow, then maybe he could, too.
Harry's optimism about schools Eggsy could attend when the opportunity had
suddenly been opened to him came rushing back, but it felt like an echo of a
thought. One that was tantalizing, but Eggsy had never known if something like
that would have really worked for him. But school was impossible to think about
now. The gravity of losing that, too, was too much. Eggsy took deep breaths as
he wove through the streets, heading towards the river. He had to think about
one thing at a time.
Eggsy walked and walked, scouting as he went. If someone thought it was odd to
see a boy his age walking by himself, no one said anything or tried to stop
him. Eggsy found that living near train tracks all of his life gave him some
valuable experience; he was able to spot a carriage parked under an overhang
and, between that and the overhang itself, was out of the wind. As far as he
knew, there weren't any cameras watching the train yard. Harry would be able to
track his progress on the tube, and perhaps a bit out on the street, but not to
his current location.
Probably. Hopefully.
Shelter from the wind didn't solve the issue of the cold entirely. Eggsy wasn't
uncomfortable yet, but it also wasn't night yet. He unslung his bag and opened
it to dig around for some of the food he'd brought with. Granola and fruit
snacks wasn't going to make for a filling dinner, and things were only going to
get worse from there on out.
He'd have to go out and buy food when he needed more. But he risked being seen.
It wouldn't be so bad if he entered visibility for a brief period and then
disappeared again. He didn't think even Harry's agency could swoop in that fast
on someone....but if he stayed in the area too long, they'd figure out how to
narrow down their search.
Eggsy began to despair over the future. He didn't know how to do this. He
thought he'd had a rough life before with his mum. He thought he could be one
of the kids nobody would mess with because they were tougher than everybody
else, but he had no experience actually running away and he didn't know how to
keep moving or what he'd do once his money ran out.
Eggsy went to the end of the carriage and looked out. The sun was almost down
now, and though it cast its last red and violet rays of light over the yard,
none of it looked as inviting as Harry's house had. The train yard was filled
with snow almost waist deep on Eggsy, and the tracks and roads that had been
ploughed away stuck out with mounds of dirt and grey ice. It looked more like a
wasteland.
It matched the desolate feelings inside Eggsy, and the cold that had nothing to
do with the temperature. He didn't know London all that well. Surviving on the
street hadn't been something he'd ever had to think about, because when he left
his mother's place it was only for short periods of time. Perhaps if he needed
to, he could go back to his mother...
...except the cameras would probably still be there. For all Eggsy knew, Harry
could be monitoring Michelle, trying to ensure that she'd never get in a
position good enough to try to sue for custody again. Chances were that if, or
when, Harry reported him missing, police would regularly stop by the old flat
just in case Eggsy decided to show up there. He'd be expected to go to familiar
places.
His best chance would be to talk to his old friends and get help finding the
older kids who lived on the street. One of them might be able to help him
figure out what to do.
Eggsy moved farther back into the car. He didn't want to look outside anymore.
He looked at his snacks and thought about who he could contact. Not someone
who'd lived at the estates with him. Even though most of his close friends were
there, it would be too risky. He had to think of somebody Harry might not think
of, but somebody who'd still do Eggsy a favour if he needed it.
There had been a new kid with the group, Jamal, who'd lived a couple streets
over from Rowley Way. Even though Eggsy wasn't around all the time anymore,
they'd been friendly right away. Probably because most of the others were still
at the Hall. Jamal had said he'd moved there with his mum and his brother from
the East Side, if Eggsy remembered correctly, and he was one of those people
who got to know everybody real quick. One of those people who might be able to
ask around for Eggsy.
It was as good a plan as any. Eggsy had few options. He wasn't likely to run
into the right people to talk to on the street at random. He needed
connections. Maybe Jamal wouldn't know the right people, but the people he did
know might know. Eggsy could follow on down the chain until he was connected to
people who could help him. There had to be other kids like him - with bad or
dangerous families, without money, kids who needed to disappear.
Eggsy laid down and used his bag for a pillow. Everything around him was cold,
hard, and getting dark. It was the exact opposite of the previous night.
But for now, he wasn't sleeping with a murderer who'd spied, stalked, and
ruined people just to have him.
Chapter End Notes
     ....we're sorry, we're sorry, we're sorry!
     Thank you again to everyone who's still reading and commenting. I
     know I've fallen far behind on responding to the comments (Piper
     here) but we're reading every one and appreciate them so much.
     Also, the Dark Kingsman Block Party will be having its first chat and
     posting day tomorrow (Sat Feb 6th)! If_you_want_to_come_check_that
     out_and_chat_with_all_of_us,_you_can_read_all_about_it_here.
***** Chapter 31 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Snow was falling again by the time Harry arrived home. He was wiping off his
shoes behind the front door when he noticed how silent the house was, except
for Mr. Pickle, who rounded the corner of the hall and greeted him with tail
wagging.
Harry took off his scarf and mittens and hung his jacket on the rack before he
went to see if Eggsy was reading on the couch. There was almost no chance that
he'd started his homework early, but when Harry didn't find him there, he
didn't think anything of it right away. The lights were on. Eggsy had been
home. So Harry went to the kitchen and poured himself a tumbler of whiskey from
the cupboard and relaxed against the counter. It was a few minutes before he
realised he was listening for the sound of the toilet upstairs, and still he'd
heard nothing.
Eggsy hadn't really been himself that morning. He'd been very awake, but tired,
and it was obvious thoughts from the night prior still lingered on his mind.
Harry pushed himself off the counter and sighed, heading for the stairs. Eggsy
might have gone back to bed if he was tired enough, but Harry didn't find him
in their bedroom either. Nor in Eggsy's.
What he did find were drawers all askew, and a mess of clothes on Eggsy's
floor. He'd seen similar before, when Eggsy was looking for a particular
favourite shirt and in a rush, but it was out of place when Eggsy was home and
didn't have any plans for later that evening. The boy had made sudden plans
before with friends from school, but that seemed unlikely given the
difficulties he'd talked about the previous day. That, and the fact that Harry
had received no texts. Eggsy always checked in with Harry to tell him where he
was going so that Harry knew what to do for dinner and when to expect Eggsy
back.
The house was silent. Too silent. Harry moved quicker now, glancing from room
to room. Eggsy was nowhere to be found upstairs, and when he descended to the
ground floor, Harry spotted Eggsy's laptop sitting out on the coffee table.
Harry took out his phone and dialled Eggsy. He pressed it to his ear and
waited, but the ringing he heard wasn't coming through the receiver, it was
coming from the couch. Harry ended the call and stalked forward and, sure
enough, found Eggsy's phone lying between the cushions.
Harry spun on his heel and dashed upstairs. Something had happened. He didn't
see signs of a fight, but there were signs someone, Eggsy, had been through his
things and left in a hurry. He shoved away the chair at his desk and powered on
his computer only to realise the computer had been on already.
Harry's hands froze over the keyboard. Dread filled his stomach. He forced
himself to type out his password and what he saw when the screen unlocked made
him reach for the chair again.
His files had been opened--the surveillance, his missions, his email, even
Merlin's projects. All of it. Harry stared at his computer, mouth open. He
looked to the surveillance footage. The night prior had been deleted, but the
most recent hadn't. There was Eggsy moving through the house, opening all his
drawers and shoving clothes in his backpack, feeding Mr. Pickle, bundling up,
and then all but running out the door.
Harry fell back in his chair, head spinning, but it was only then that
something on the floor caught his eye. Eggsy's handheld video camera. The one
Harry had bought him over the summer for their trips. In a daze, he picked it
up and opened the viewscreen. When he pressed play, Harry saw himself from
above, sitting at his computer, view positioned with the keyboard in sight. He
rewound and, there it was, Harry sipping his drink, Eggsy passing, Harry
sitting down and logging in....and that was it.
He knew what happened.
"Shit." Harry stood and threw the camcorder into the wall. "Shit, shit shit
shit...." He caught himself before he turned over the chair and instead ran a
hand through his hair. He breathed into his hands. He had to calm down. Eggsy
had gone, hours ago, but there was still time. Harry dug out his phone and
punched in one number, hissing under his breath, "Pick up, pick up, pick
up...."
Merlin answered on the third ring. "Harry? I wasn't expecting a call from you
so soon. Our next chat isn't for a few days yet. Unless something's happened to
change the schedule?"
Merlin paused on the other end of the line. Harry's voice had briefly caught in
his throat, and as a result all Merlin could hear was ragged breathing.
Merlin's tone immediately shifted to one of concern. "Harry? Something's
happened, hasn't it? Tell me."
"Eggsy's gone." Harry clutched the phone harder in his hand to get the words
out. "He found everything." Harry wanted to move, he wanted to rush out onto
the street and the only thing preventing him from doing so was that it would
take too long to track the boy on his own. Staying this still was agony.
He heard Merlin's silence on the other end.
"He got into the computer. Something tipped him off. I don't know what, but he
deleted surveillance footage from last night and he broke into my computer this
afternoon, and.... Fuck," Harry sighed. "He found everything." He swallowed and
took another breath. "He'd only been gone a few hours. I need you to help me
track him. And I need you to take a look at your copy of last night's footage."
"Give me a moment to bring it up. The additional cameras outside your house
might prove useful for something, after all." Arthur no longer glanced at the
reports Merlin submitted, or asked to see any of the surveillance footage. He
hadn't retracted the order to have it in place, however, which meant that
Merlin would have recordings of all the comings and goings in the area,
including Eggsy's. The sound of keyboard taps and mouse clicks filtered through
the phone.
Harry bit back the impulse to tell Merlin to hurry. Venting his emotions at the
other man wouldn't do any good. Merlin already knew what this would mean to
him, and for him.
"Outside cameras have him leaving just over an hour before you arrived home. He
headed north on Gloucester, my guess would be towards the station. We have
access to all the relevant cameras needed to track him. I should be able to do
so fairly quickly." Merlin paused to key through files. "My copies of your
house feeds are fairly routine except for one thing. It looks like Eggsy had an
accident in the toilet, destroying your vase and finding one of the cameras in
the process."
Harry put his hand to his forehead and closed his eyes. "I told him there were
cameras in the house. Admitted, more like. ...but he wouldn't have been
expecting them in the toilet." Harry's voice came out quiet. The picture of
what had led up to this moment was quickly falling into place. Eggsy had known
he'd lied, even if it was a partial lie. Harry screwed his eyes shut.
"Gloucester Station. He could have taken three lines from there." Harry glanced
out the tall window of his office. He could see the dimly lit street outside
and the occasional passing car. It was dark already. "He'll hide somewhere,"
Harry said. "If he hasn't tried to go to his mother's, or his friends'. He
knows how well we can track him."
"If you told him there were cameras in the house, and he found them elsewhere,
you will have lost his trust. He's been lied to far too many times for him to
have taken another easy explanation, and so he would have resigned himself to
hiding what had happened and trying to obtain his own answers. Just as he did
when he infiltrated headquarters." The silence on the line was heavy with
consideration. They both knew that Eggsy would be more than sceptical of
anything Harry tried to tell him now. "How much of everything does 'everything'
constitute? I can work through camera feeds around the city and find him in
relatively short order, but I have no guidance from there. He'll expect
anything you tell him to be a lie at this point."
Harry bent over the computer again and brought up his system history through
another security program. "He'd been through my email.... Our conversations,
regarding his mother and the court case. He's been through...various dates of
the house surveillance...and before that. His old house, with his mother. The
mission footage from Columbia. And...," Harry sighed, "some of the footage of
our little arsonist project." Harry straightened again and rubbed his temple as
one thing became very clear to him. "Merlin.... He's seen me kill." In cold
blood. Eggsy knew what Harry had done to his mother, and he'd seen in very
clear detail in that footage that Harry was capable of far more.
"Should I be asking how, exactly, you were careless enough to let an
inexperienced child access extremely confidential personal files?" Merlin
sighed. "Nevermind. He's accessed the files, the damage is done now. More than
merely feeling betrayed, he's likely afraid of you and whether his knowledge
means that you'll kill him. Or threaten to kill or hurt his mother or someone
else to exert control. I doubt even he has so much confidence that he believes
he can avoid detection on his own, and he would be right in that assumption. I
should be able to find him without too much trouble, once I've narrowed down
the general area."
Harry pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew not to ask how long it would
take. He and Merlin had done this enough times that he knew the general window
of opportunity they had until Eggsy got lucky and was able to escape heavily
monitored areas. Harry would explain how he'd gotten in later. He eyed the
broken video camera on the floor. And the newly made crack in the wall's
plaster, right between the newspaper headlines "THE END IS NIGH" and "CHARLES
DESTINED TO LOSE THE THRONE?". Harry looked away in frustration.
"I'd rather not let those ideas sink in," Harry murmured, knowing Merlin was
working, but he needed to say it. Merlin wasn't easily distracted.
"You'd best think about how to counteract them. I'm not going to be of any help
on that front. Child psychology and explaining away trauma are not my
specialties." The background was a flurry of clicks. Merlin was in his element,
sorting through vast amounts of data and footage at a rapid pace and sorting
out what was valuable. A child was more difficult to spot due to differences in
height, but not impossible. "He was still on the tube past the Limehouse stop.
He's likely to be in East London."
Harry stood straight, thinking. "East London.... He doesn't know anyone in East
London. Have you still got him?" Harry went through a catalogue of Eggsy's
friends in his mind and he could think of none. Certainly some may have ties he
was unaware of to the area, ties which he'd be able to look into given a little
more time, but right now he needed something faster. They had a general
location though, and presuming Eggsy wasn't taking a path that circled back to
throw them off--which wouldn't work anyway, then Harry had a start.
He dashed for his coat.
"I have him getting off at All Saints. He's more difficult to track from there.
CCTV coverage isn't complete, and the angles make it difficult to see someone
of his stature. I can work on combing through the footage I do have access to
and getting access to additional private feeds, but it will take time." Eggsy
would be unlikely to hop back on the tube after walking for a while. He would
be smart enough to know that Harry, or the people he worked with, would have
access to cameras like those found on public transport.
Harry had a feeling his first instinct had been right. Eggsy was hiding.
"Where's the last location you have him, and how long ago?" Harry asked,
pulling on his coat with one hand and switching the mobile to the other.
Briefly, he debated on disarming himself, in case Eggsy demanded he do so when
he found the boy. He didn't want Eggsy to be afraid of him, but Harry didn't
like the thought of leaving his weapon behind while running through the back
alleys of London at night. With that, he left the house and got into his car,
sights set on the East End.
"Heading south from All Saints, close to an hour ago. I can't find adequate
feeds to determine where he went after he reached Poplar High Street. He could
very well have kept going until he reached the docks and stowed away, hoping to
be taken somewhere else. I'll keep working on it, but he won't have gone
terribly far. Hopefully. Not on foot, but the problem with that particular area
is that there are a number of transportation options, from getting back on the
tubes, taking a bus, hopping on a boat or railcar or, if he's feeling
adventurous enough, trying to stow away on a plane, although the airport is a
bit of a walk."
Harry cursed under his breath as he drove. It would take him at least thirty
minutes to get there, twenty if he cut corners, and Eggsy had already had
plenty of time to look for a place to hide. If the boy was very lucky, he could
become a stowaway without even having to move back into the CCTV network.
"I'm going to switch to the glasses. Let me know if you find anything.
Otherwise, I'll contact you when I get to Poplar High Street." Harry listened
for Merlin's confirmation and hung up. His heart was thrumming fast, beating in
the way it did only on missions that had gone up shit creek. Harry forced
himself to breathe slow and steady as he drove on as fast as the roads would
allow him.
By the time he reached Eggsy's last location, Harry knew he'd have to take the
rest on foot. The sinking feeling in his gut as he looked south towards the
water and all the store fronts and shipping yards was not a good sign. It had
been too long already. There were too many places here for Eggsy to hide. Harry
knew the better plan was to anticipate where Eggsy would be. Or even better, to
draw the boy to him. But he had to try, and so he set off across the streets,
heading towards the docks.
Passersby looked askance at him. Harry was very much out of place for the
location, dressed like he was going to court or a business meeting. The locals
had no great love for the aristocracy or of government officials, having felt
the weight of stigma for years. A few people eyed Harry up, but most steered
clear of him, assuming that anyone wandering Tower Hamlets at night in a
bespoke suit could mean nothing but trouble.
Harry ignored them until he could slip away from the walkways, and then he was
on alert. Moving through the shipping yards, he did not want to be seen. Not
only would he look even more out of place, but he didn't want to invite trouble
or possibly tip Eggsy off if the boy had found a place to hide nearby.
Harry moved from one container to another down by the riverside, looking for
smaller and fresher tracks through the snow as he went. There were a lot of
tracks though, even though the snow had built up so high the night prior.
Labour didn't stop for a snowstorm in this line of work.
As expected, most of the containers were locked. Most of the palettes with
boxes were wrapped in tarps and tied down. Harry went from one to the next and
the next after, but there were shipping yards all along the river front, and
this would take hours.
Assuming Eggsy was even at the docks. Assuming he hadn't gone elsewhere. Eggsy
was sneaky and resourceful. It wouldn't be impossible even for him to have
snuck into a lorrie going somewhere else, knowing that Harry would track him to
this part of London and waste time looking for him. That was a possibility, but
looking here was the only thing Harry could do. The CCTV feeds were his only
lead.
Merlin's voice filtered through his ear. "Your GPS places you at the docks. He
never got as far as that. Last I'm seeing, he entered one of the trainyards
closest to his station exit point. Not exactly a small area to search, but
smaller than searching all the docks as well."
"Thank you." Harry oriented himself to the station and took off in search of
the train yard.
It was another long walk through drifts of snow that hadn't been ploughed well,
and Harry wasn't keeping to the paths. If he did find Eggsy and had to chase
the boy through this terrain, it wouldn't be a very quick pursuit for either of
them. If Eggsy was hiding, he'd likely hear Harry coming. There was no avoiding
it. The snow wasn't exactly crunchy, but it was thick and muffled the sounds of
the city behind him. It created a strange quality to his surroundings, as
though the docks and the yard he could see in the distance were separated from
the rest of London. Like Eggsy had found a rabbit hole to burrow into and hide.
Harry did come upon a yard full of railway carriages that was separated only by
a chain link fence. It was nearly a straight shot down from the station and, if
Eggsy hadn't left, this was likely where he would stay. Merlin had been right,
however; it was vast.
Harry gritted his teeth as he walked. Every footstep was tense, trying to stay
as quiet as possibly while preparing to run at the slightest movement. If He
found Eggsy, the boy would likely flee. Harry wouldn't be able to get a word in
until he caught him.
Eggsy, huddled inside his carriage not so very far away, heard Harry well
before the man came close.
When Eggsy glanced through the cracked doorway, he saw a flicker of movement
outside. The figure stalking the train yard wasn’t just a man—it was the man
Eggsy feared most. His throat closed up in terror and he rolled over to one
side. The carriage he was in wasn't completely empty, still retaining a few
worthless broken pallets of scrap wood left over from the last hauling job.
Eggsy moved slowly and quietly to flatten himself on the ground behind them.
Harry didn't speak as he moved, picking his way through the first carriages he
came upon. He knew all too well how it would sound, calling Eggsy's name,
trying to get him to come out, even if Eggsy could hear him. Harry swallowed
back a pain in his chest and wrenched the door of an old carriage open. Empty.
He didn't bother to shut it before moving on. If Eggsy was here and the railway
workers found the yard broken into the next day, he'd have a difficult time
staying.
Harry looked for tracks in the snow, but it was difficult with the paths the
workers had already made. His ears were keen to the soft whistle of the wind,
but nothing else but his footfalls broke the silence.
Carriage after carriage, he looked through, working his way towards the water
knowing that if he stumbled upon the boy and Eggsy tried to run, he'd have less
chance to slip free while Harry wasn't looking.
Nothing. There was nothing. Merlin was silent in the earpiece, offering no new
gleaned pieces of information. None of the footpaths led to any trace of the
boy, not even a hint that he'd been there. The yard was cold and deserted,
utterly still. Perhaps Eggsy had hid in a different yard, or perhaps he was
here, hiding. If he was present, he would have heard someone walking around and
assumed it was Harry. Eggsy wouldn't have tried to run for it unless he had to,
and nothing was going to make him call out and give away his hiding place.
Harry stopped and ran a hand through his hair. He looked out over the water,
thinking of Eggsy on some boat, hidden away and floating down the river.
"He's scared and alone. But more scared of me." Harry knew only Merlin was
there to hear him. He also knew this wasn't the way to find Eggsy, or get him
back, but Harry couldn't make himself turn around.
He made his way towards the river. Sure enough, there was the shoreline, frozen
and desolate, only the lights of the city gleaming on the other side. Harry
could imagine Eggsy walking along the water's edge. Not the boy he'd made Eggsy
into, the one who wore new clothes and always had a smile for Harry, but the
one Eggsy had been when they'd first met, whose boldness was tempered only with
wariness. That boy would have grown up to know the back streets of the city.
That boy could have walked down by the frozen water and not been afraid.
Harry sighed and, finally, turned around.
He searched for another hour before it became unwise to linger any longer. The
area around the train yard was mostly deserted, but he still cut a very
conspicuous figure. Merlin would take care of editing any footage from the
local cameras to hide his presence, but without backup, Harry didn't want to
risk being seen by someone he couldn't tranquilize in time. Harry couldn't
afford for people to talk and couldn’t afford, through back channels that
combed through rumours and gossip for real intelligence, for word to reach
Arthur's ears.
If Arthur found out he'd lost the boy, things would get much, much worse. Harry
could and would most certainly be punished for his unauthorized use of Kingsman
resources, and Merlin would be punished for covering for him, but if Arthur
decided Eggsy was a security risk and loose end, he'd order a hit. Eggsy dead
was not something that he wanted to think about.
Harry needed a plan.
Merlin was already setting up an automated facial recognition program to look
for Eggsy across the CCTV network. Soon, he would resurface. Harry would only
be able to catch him if he could anticipate where Eggsy was going to be, or
lure him where Harry wanted him. And beyond that.... Harry didn't let himself
think beyond that.
"We can keep Arthur in the dark for now," Harry spoke to Merlin as he drove the
long way back to Kensington, half tempted to take a hotel by the yard that
night, but knowing he was going to need access to his computer. "So long as I
can get him home soon.... I'm going to look into his friends and their families
and so on; I'll send you a list. We can start there, mark those homes to watch
first. See if the kids go anywhere out of the ordinary. He is bound to reach
out to someone."
"He might. I'm not so certain. For someone that young, inexperienced, and
partially oblivious, he's fairly clever and has some good instincts. He's found
things hidden in your house that we thought were adequately disguised, even
before he was suspicious. He got around headquarters security. He planted a
bloody spy cam in your own office to access your computer and you didn't notice
or suspect he had the capacity for it," Merlin, who must have taken a look
through more of last night’s footage, pointed out. "Not all of that is
carelessness. Eggsy is going to be careful now that he knows what sort of
technology we have access to and what you're capable of. I'll set up parameters
anyways, but we're not going to catch him by waiting for him to go back to
Rowley Way. Not unless he runs out of other options."
Harry sighed, wishing the lights of the city passing by didn't seem so
desolate. "Right. You're right. We're going to have to approach this as though
he knows everything we're capable of. We're either going to have to catch him
as he forms a routine, or we're going to have to find a way to lure him out."
Eggsy was inexperienced at this, and it would be very tempting to visit the
same shops for food or the same toilets in a general location to wash up, easy
to form those habits without realising it, too. But he was smart enough to be
aware Harry could find him that way. In all the stories Harry had told him of
searching out a mark, Eggsy was sure to remember. Harry needed something
better.
"We'll find him. He can't very well hide forever. He'll have to move for food,
heat, hygiene. Bodily functions. Cameras are everywhere. If we catch sight of
him in a spot that's prime for an ambush and extraction, that's what we'll do.
If not, we do the same as any target. Build up a dossier of movement patterns,
anticipate the next move, and catch him in transit. Even if he goes overseas,
he wouldn't be out of reach. It will only mean more work." Work, and a risk of
being brought to Arthur's attention. A cross-country runaway would be something
to make headlines.
It was nice to hear the certainty in Merlin's voice, but it didn't alleviate
the sinking pit in Harry's chest, the one that reminded him that simply getting
Eggsy back in his custody was not the worst of the problem.
"Let's get him back before that happens," Harry confirmed. "I think....I think
it would be worth it to tap Michelle's phone line, in case he tries to call
in." Harry didn't often feel that twist in his chest when he made such
requests, but he would rather Michelle not be tipped off until he'd had a
chance to speak with Eggsy. At the very least he did not want her going down to
the nearest police station claiming that the man who'd adopted her son had been
molesting him and also just so happened to be a spy outside of any known
government organization.
Harry pulled into the garage in only minor relief to be home. He dashed into
the house and headed straight for the stairs.
"I'll take care of it." Silence filled the line, but Merlin hadn't cut
communications yet. Harry could distantly hear the soft electronic hum in the
background that was always present when they were relaying information back and
forth on a mission. "Harry? You are going to call me before you make any
drastic decisions or take any exceptionally risky actions. You are also going
to call me if you need anything. You are going to take care of yourself as best
you can during this, or I'm going to make you very regretful that you didn't do
as I told you. Do you understand?"
Harry was just sitting down in his office chair, and in spite of everything, he
huffed a laugh. He was sure there was only a hint of joy in it. "I understand,
Merlin." Harry sat back and booted up the computer. "I'm not quite there yet,
but it's good to know." It felt more like a fog was descending upon him, an
uncomfortable weight in his chest and heaviness in the air around him. Harry
recognised it as shock. He knew it was going to get worse, and so did Merlin.
"I give you my word, I'll call." That was the admission, more than any other
thing they had said that night, that they both knew the situation was out of
their control. There was no going back from what Eggsy knew now.
Harry logged into the network and began to pull up what he could find on the
names of the boys Eggsy had mentioned in passing, and of the ones Harry had
known from watching him years ago.
Harry cursed his lack of forethought regarding this possibility. He'd known
that there was a danger of Eggsy discovering the truth eventually, or beginning
to question their relationship as he got older, but Harry had thought he'd have
years yet before that happened. He'd thought he had had a level of oversight
that was, in actuality, clearly lacking now that he needed to regain control of
the situation or at least reduce the damage. Harry knew some of Eggsy's major
friends, but not all of his acquaintances. He hadn't had Eggsy's school bugged
because he hadn't thought he'd need that level of infiltration.
Eggsy might go to one of his closer friends, or he might anticipate Harry would
be watching them. He might go, instead, to someone else he didn't know well
enough to have ever mentioned. Trying to track down every kids Eggsy might have
known from school would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
He had to start with the friends Eggsy did have and work his way out from
there. He brought up old footage of Eggsy's time with them, stolen from the
CCTV feeds around Eggsy's old neighbourhood. Harry focused on the boys he
didn't know and saved their faces. If he found out who they were and where they
lived, other connections would follow. A glimpse of the family's ties and
income would tell Harry a lot about which kids Eggsy might go to for help.
The only problem was that this footage was from months ago. Since Eggsy had
moved in, Harry had no need of following him around the city when he was out
with his friends. Harry had done it once or twice when he was having a slow day
or he simply wanted to see Eggsy on a whim, but little more than that. Many of
these kids might have moved on already, and more might have taken their place.
Harry sat back in his chair with a sigh. The more he thought about this, the
more he knew it wasn't going to be solved within a day. Not unless he was very,
very lucky.
He couldn't hang everything on luck alone, and giving up wasn't an option.
Harry couldn't let things end so soon, or on such a note. Eggsy could even be
in real danger. From what Harry had seen, the boy had some good survival
instincts from his upbringing, but no practical knowledge about surviving on
the street. He might collapse from lack of sufficient food and water. He might
freeze from not wearing enough insulated layers or failing to find adequate
shelter.
Eggsy might also be picked up by a trafficker. Harry wasn't the only one with a
taste for young boys, and traffickers commonly targeted and recruited desperate
homeless children who had few or no options left.
As still as he tried to make himself, Harry could feel his heart beating faster
and faster. He took a deep breath. He wanted to go back out there. He needed to
find Eggsy.
The decanter on the shelf called to him and Harry didn't resist. He poured
himself a glass and settled back in front of the computer. He had to calm down.
The scotch helped him focus as the hours passed, and when it gave way to
tiredness, Harry made himself a pot of coffee.
Around 6 am he gave up work at the computer to stand by the window. He looked
down over the mew and wondered if Eggsy had looked down that road before he
left. He wondered if Eggsy had looked back at the house, and if he had, what
he'd seen there. It wasn't difficult to imagine something far more foreboding
in its place, in Eggsy's eyes. Harry wondered if he'd seen a prison, or if he'd
imagined the figure of Harry, as he was now, standing at the window and looking
out at the boy down below, wishing he'd turn around.
He didn't blame Eggsy for jumping to the worst conclusions. They were true.
Harry had purposefully engineered painful events in order to get Eggsy into his
home and bed. Harry would apologize, but he couldn't regret his actions. Those
deeds had gotten him what he'd wanted for years. Given the choice, he'd do it
all over again.
What was worse was the idea that Eggsy might think that Harry had never loved
him at all. That everything had been a lie.
===============================================================================
Eggsy woke that morning freezing cold.
Sunlight filtered in on the pale white ceiling above his head, but it wasn't
familiar. The wall was metal and the room was too narrow, and it took a moment
to reorient himself before he remembered where he was, and how he'd probably
only gotten to sleep an hour ago. Maybe less. A soft whine escaped him as he
curled into himself tighter, but nothing could keep out the cold. He'd been
fighting it all night, in and out of sleep, but this was the first time he'd
forgotten for a few wonderful moments where he was and what had brought him
there.
There was no use trying for more. Eggsy knew he wouldn't be able to get back to
sleep now that the sun was up and it was still freezing out. He sat up and
tried to move around. His body was stiff, but his winter jacket and mittens
would be warm enough if he could just get his blood flowing again.
His stomach cramped and growled. Dinner last night barely merited the term.
Eggsy still had supplies in his backpack, but they'd quickly run out if he
indulged too much, and granola and fruit snacks weren't very filling. He wanted
something better.
Eggsy didn't know if he was brave enough to risk trying for something better.
The previous night's close call had left him shaken and terrified. Harry had
come within feet of where he'd been hiding. Eggsy had known that Harry would
likely track him across London, but he hadn't fathomed how quickly he'd do it,
or that he'd come so close. If anything had gone wrong, he could have been
easily trapped in the freight container.
In the end, Eggsy didn't get much of a choice about whether to stay or move on.
While moving around and trying to warm up, the boy heard voices and the thrum
of engines starting up. Workers were arriving in the yard to load and unload
freight and get things ready to ship out. They'd call the police if they caught
him, and if he snuck into a full container there was no telling where he'd end
up or how long it would take to get there.
Eggsy gathered his things, zipped up his backpack, and went to look out. Sure
enough, the sun was well above the horizon and he could see a couple trucks
moving on the other side of the yard. They were far enough away now, and Eggsy
could get out without being noticed if he was careful not to wander into plain
sight. He was thankful, for the first time that night, he hadn't slept long
enough for them to surprise him.
He jumped down from the carriage and landed in knee deep snow. Before he moved
on, however, the sight of larger tracks caught him off guard. It shouldn't
have. They were Harry's, and Eggsy should have expected them, but the sight of
it made his chest feel tight. Very deliberately, he looked away and moved on.
At first he thought that maybe if he kept close enough to the docks, there
would be less cameras, and he was probably right, but less was a relative term.
As Eggsy walked up the street, he could already see one on the light post that
overlooked the shipping yard.
He'd have to move quickly. Harry had tracked him right across London with
cameras like those. Maybe Harry would be caught up with work and unable to take
action right away, but Eggsy couldn't afford to make that assumption. He
couldn't afford to assume that Harry might not send someone else, either...
like Landon.
He had to get to the right neighbourhood and then try to remember where his
friends' friends lived. Eggsy didn't dare call them to check. Harry would
probably be tapping the phone lines of everyone he knew that Eggsy knew, so
using a phone booth or asking and adult if he could borrow their phone wouldn't
help. Harry would know where he was going then.
He needed to disappear again as quickly as possible. If he was lucky, he'd be
able to pick some pockets or shoplift from a store on the way. Eggsy needed his
money to last, and he wanted something more substantial than the food tucked
away in his bag.
He didn't want to take the tube back, but he could think of no other realistic
way to get to his old neighbourhood. A cab might be safer, or less easy to
track, but there was no guarantee he wouldn't be caught on camera getting in or
being dropped off. And it was too expensive, being all the way across the city.
Eggsy didn't regret going all the way over to the East Side though. He'd had to
get as far away as possible, and he was pretty sure that and holing up down by
the water were the only things that kept him out of Harry's reach. Barely.
The entrance to a supermarket was the best place he could find to swipe a
wallet. People were coming and going, carrying their shopping through a small
space, and it wasn't difficult or particularly suspicious to collide with an
unsuspecting customer on the way in. Eggsy got shouted at, to which he simply
hunched his shoulders and looked as meek as possible, mumbling a 'sorry',
before the man ambled off again. He knew the incident would be caught on
camera, but it wouldn't tip off the staff. He was going to be caught on camera
on the tube regardless, and he needed something to eat.
Ten minutes later, Eggsy sat on the tube on his way back, sandwich in hand and
thinking that maybe he could bribe Jamal with some of the money he'd stolen
from Harry if the other boy wasn't keen on helping right away.
Eggsy could only hope that going back across the city wasn't going to be as
dangerous as it felt. The closer he was to where Harry lived and worked, the
less time it would take for Harry to travel to him.
Eggsy had no idea what would happen if Harry managed to corner him. He didn't
think Harry would let him go, and Eggsy knew he had no chance to successfully
fight Harry. He'd get taken prisoner and never get a chance to escape again. He
didn't think Harry would kill him to keep him quiet about everything he'd seen,
but that wasn't entirely off the table either.
Now that Eggsy thought about it, he'd have to be careful how much he told
Jamal, too. Harry would find the other boy eventually and try to get him to
talk. The less Jamal knew about what was going on, the better. It would keep
him safer.
He didn't like the thought of putting someone else in danger, but he couldn't
think of anything else to do. He had to find help somewhere and it felt
infinitely better that it start with someone he knew.
As the lights passed by out the window, one by one, illuminating the tile walls
in a slow rhythm, Eggsy tried to stay calm and make a plan. When he got off, he
couldn't go straight to Jamal's place. It would be too easy to track him there.
He had to get out of sight first, and then pop up someplace else if he could,
then make his way over. If he wasn't wrong about where Jamal lived. Eggsy
didn't know how Harry and his organization tracked people by city surveillance,
except following their path, but he knew they did and did it well. Throwing
them off was his best bet.
The streets would be well covered, Eggsy knew, but he thought back to the time
he'd hidden under an overpass when Dean and his mum were fighting, one of the
places he'd called Harry to pick him up he remembered with a newly familiar
tightness in his chest. He didn't think any camera would have seen him there,
and he might even be able to cross some streets that way.
He wished things were a bit more like the movies. Heroes in film always had
just the right solutions to this sort of problem, whether that was cloaking
devices or hacking camera systems or knowing secret sewer tunnels by heart.
Instead, the deck was stacked against Eggsy. Harry and his friends had all the
devices, all the cameras, all the maps. All Eggsy had was his own small self
and whatever help his friends might be able to provide. Kids against adult
spies wasn't even remotely fair.
Eggsy walked until he was tucked under an underpass and thought hard. Harry was
going to expect him to go towards places that weren't super familiar, but
weren't entirely new. He was going to expect him to want to stay out of sight
somewhere warm after a long night outside, which was true, and to go somewhere
where a kid alone wouldn't be a strange thing.
Someplace like the arcade. He'd gone a couple of times with friends, but Eggsy
had never consistently had pocket money for it. Picking pockets was always an
option but was a lot riskier than boosting stuff from stores, and so Eggsy had
given it up as a hangout option. The arcade was warm, though, and packed with
adults and kids alike. Everyone would assume that he belonged, and no one would
pay attention to how long he stayed. They even had a little place inside where
he could buy snacks and drinks, and toilets he could use.
Eggsy would make it look like he was going to hole up in there, then escape out
the back. Maybe he could even swap coats with another kid. Something so it
didn't look like him on the cameras when he left.
When his mind was made up, he emerged from the underpass and was on his way. He
did his best to say out of the cameras' lines of sight, it wouldn't help him to
make it obvious he was letting himself be tracked, and Eggsy knew he'd be
caught on film anyway.
When he arrived, Eggsy had to gather his courage just to walk inside. Being in
an enclosed space, even a public one, suddenly didn't feel safe anymore. Not
when he was on the same side of the city as Harry. But Eggsy stepped inside and
found the place familiarly crowded. It was the weekend now, and kids were all
around. Eggsy realised he would have been out of luck had it been a school day,
and a relief he hadn't expected washed over him.
It was warm, too. Along the wall in front of the register counter was a row of
coats and hangers. No one would be dumb enough to leave their wallets sitting
in the pockets, even the kids would know to take their money with them, and
Eggsy would look suspicious if he tried to go through them, but he could hang
his coat and hat up here without much fear of them being taken and go inside
for a little while.
He couldn't stay long. He knew that. He hadn't expected the heat to feel quite
so good, though. He shrugged out of his jacket and hung it up, looking around
at the other coats there that might fit him when he wanted to go. His first
stop once that was done wasn't the food stand, or even the token machine, but
the loo. Eggsy hadn't thought he'd miss having access to a toilet so much, but
he'd also never thought he'd have to go without one.
Eggsy was finding out that being homeless meant being tired, cold, and hungry a
lot. He was only on the second day and he already wanted to be done with it.
There was a profound unfairness to the fact that there were a good many
shelters set up for adults and older kids, but nothing at all to protect kids
like him. He couldn't run to any official place and have them listen, much less
be able to protect him.
As he was washing his hands, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. The
boy who looked back struck him, not just because he looked tired and not just
because he looked haunted, but because Eggsy remembered the same look on his
face the last time he looked in the mirror. It had been at Harry's house. When
he was thinking about the vase and what to do. Eggsy watched his shoulders
slump and had the strangest sense of being transported back into that time,
only days ago.
He felt like he could close his eyes, open them again, and everything would be
normal. This could have all been a daydream, all within the span of time it
took to wash his hands on a sleepy Saturday morning. Some nightmarish fantasy
that wound itself up in Harry's work. He could close his eyes and open them
again and everything would be ok. Harry wouldn't have done anything wrong, and
Eggsy would still be loved. His lip trembled in the mirror and Eggsy had to
take a deep breath and look away. He couldn't start crying here.
He had to go on with his plan, so he dried his hands and fought those memories
to the back of his mind, and the feelings alongside them. It was easier when he
stepped back out into the arcade and he had to put on a brave face or people
would notice him. He took another breath to steady himself, made sure the clerk
wasn't paying him any attention, and guessed that enough time had passed that
he wouldn't be eyed too suspiciously for coming and going so soon before he
walked back up to the coat rack and pulled down a puffy green and black coat
that wasn't his.
When Eggsy stuck his hand into the coat pocket, he felt a small knit cap tucked
away there. Perfect. Maybe the cameras would be poor enough that whoever was
watching them was looking more for his coat and hair than anything else. Eggsy
tugged the hat on and, feeling his heart pounding in his chest again, walked
out the door by himself.
Eggsy forced himself to walk like normal. He didn't glance around constantly
looking for cameras. He took his time getting back out of view, down to an
underpass, and caught his breath before continuing on. He remembered Jamal's
family having a flat a few blocks from there. If all went well, he'd get in,
get the information he needed, and get out again before Harry knew he'd left
the arcade.
The walk felt twice as long in the cold, and even longer with the threat of
being out in the open, but eventually Eggsy arrived on the step of a little
concrete block of flats, smaller than the behemoth of the hall where he'd lived
on Rowley Way, but thankfully he hadn't seen much surveillance around the area.
He looked at the placard next to the doorbell and his stomach dropped
immediately. He didn't remember Jamal's last name. He had no idea which flat
was his and he wouldn't recognize Jamal's mums' name either. He couldn't sit
outside the front door for someone to come by because he still wouldn't know
which door to knock on once he got inside. Eggsy looked up and down the list
with his heart in his throat and picked the first name. He could think of only
one way to do this, and it made his palms sweat.
The buzzer rang and a man's voice came out the speaker. "Yeah, who is it?"
Eggsy got up on his toes and asked hopefully, "Hey, is Jamal there?" He was
summarily told off for hitting the wrong button, so, shoring up his courage,
Eggsy tried the next.
"Yeah, he is. Who's this?" Had Eggsy sounded older, he might have had trouble
getting the man to respond again, but his voice was pitched high enough that
the speaker rightfully assumed that the visitor was some young friend of
Jamal's. "Jamal. Put the controller down when I wanna talk to you. Did you
invite someone over? You gotta ask first. Alright? No. No, come talk to your
mate here. What's your name, again?"
"Eggsy!" Eggsy's spirits soared and with them, his voice lifted even higher.
This must be Jamal's older brother. If Eggsy remembered right, it was just
Jamal, his brother, and his mother after they'd moved from the East End. Eggsy
didn't bother trying to explain that he wasn't expected. He just needed to get
Jamal outside, or be let in. Preferably the latter. Except he probably
shouldn't talk about his problems in front of Jamal's brother. With that
thought, his nerves came rushing back.
Another, younger, voice sounded over the speaker. "Eggsy? That you? What you
doin' on my doorstep?" But before Eggsy could answer, Jamal just went on. "Come
on up, I'm buzzin' you in."
The electric buzzer was much louder than Eggsy had anticipated. He nearly
jumped out of his skin as the nearby doorway growled its disapproval at him,
but when he grabbed the door handle it swung open smoothly.
Now Eggsy had another problem. He was expected, but he had no idea what flat
Jamal lived in. He stared at the lift and thought. Maybe if he waited for long
enough, Jamal would come and find him. That would neatly solve the problem of
talking in front of his mum and brother and the fact that he didn't really know
where the other boy lived.
Or maybe Jamal wouldn't come down to find him. He could be wasting valuable
time waiting. He didn't know how long Harry would be fooled, and he needed to
start traveling again soon and figure out where to hole up for the night. The
speaker at the door at least gave Eggsy an idea of what floor Jamal was on, so
he punched the button for the lift and selected floor three.
When he stepped off on the third floor, he looked up at the numbers on the
doors. They led up in one direction and down in the other, so Eggsy took the
downward hall. Muffled voices came through many of the doors he passed, some
were of music, others sounded like the telly, and other still were just people
talking. When Eggsy stopped in front of 308, he could hear two males chatting
behind the door and though he couldn't make out what they were saying, one he
instantly recognized as Jamal. With relief, he knocked.
Footsteps sounded and the door opened, and there was Jamal in sweatpants and a
tshirt and looking like he'd just got out of bed, but his face was wide with a
smile. "Eggsy, hey bruv, what's up?" He stepped back and let Eggsy inside
without thinking twice about it. "This is DJ." Jamal waved his hand at an older
boy, more of a man really, sitting on the couch in front of the telly.
"What kinda name's Eggsy?" DJ waved and asked, not bothering to get up.
"I dunno, what kinda name's DJ?" Eggsy shrugged and followed Jamal further in.
"Jamal, you got your own room, right? Can we go talk? I woulda asked at school
but, y'know..." Eggsy's mouth pulled into an easy-half smile and he tilted his
head to one side. Jamal would know something was up, because he knew Eggsy
hadn't been at school that day. Possibly he'd even noticed something was off
the day before, like some of the other kids at school. Eggsy had been too
worried about things with Harry to pay much attention to pretending he wasn't
distracted and unhappy.
"Back this way." Jamal waved for Eggsy to follow, somehow perfectly at ease
with having Eggsy over even though he'd never been before.
Jamal's room was at the end of the hall and not very big, but at least it was
his own. There were clothes piled all over the floor, posters on the walls, and
half a dozen soda cans lined the table beside his bed, but it was the kind of
mess Eggsy was used to. The kind of mess Eggsy's room used to be at his mum's
place. Jamal let Eggsy take the chair by his desk while he sat on his bed.
"So what's goin' on, an' what's with you bein' all secret like?" Jamal asked.
Eggsy sank into the chair with a bit of unease. The clock was ticking. Harry
would come here sooner or later. He had to tell Jamal enough that the other boy
would help him, but not enough that he'd get in trouble. Eggsy didn't want
anyone else hurt, whether he knew them well or not. "I... stuff has gone really
wrong. Really, really wrong. You know I got adopted a while back, right, 'cause
stuff isn't ok with my family? That's why I was in swapped schools for a bit.
Where I got adopted ain't working either. I can't stay there, but I can't go
home to my mum either, 'cause things are still bad and I'll just get taken back
to my adopted family anyways. I've... run off, and I remember you tellin' me or
someone else at school that you knew some other kids that had run away and made
stuff work. Is that true?"
Jamal's eyebrows rose and he stared at Eggsy for a long moment in disbelief.
"Shit." He slumped back as though Eggsy's news was a blow. "That's....messed
up. An' we was givin' you all that crap about bein' all posh an' whatnot now."
Jamal took a moment to look Eggsy over, and Eggsy felt it. It was the first
time someone outside of all this looked in, even if Eggsy wasn't offering much.
Jamal shrugged his shoulders and bit his lip, coming to a decision. "I got some
mates like that, yeah, but they're older an' mostly they're my bruv's mates I
guess. You serious you can't go back?"
"Yeah. I know it sounds bonkers, but sometimes stuff looks real good from the
outside, but it isn't. I don't care how posh the place was, I just... can't
stay there. I'm gonna be better-" Eggsy's throat closed up and he fought off a
sob. He didn't want to get all weak and emotional in front of Jamal.
Embarrassment aside, he couldn't waste the time it would take him to recover.
He would cry later over the thought that he was going to have to do without
Harry. That everything he'd had had been a lie. "I'm gonna be better off on my
own, doin' my own thing. I need pointers, though. I don't know nothin' about
living on my own and... well, y'know. People think I'm just a kid. I can't go
get help, and nobody's gonna hire me for a job so I can get my own place. I
don't know what I'm s'posed to do."
Jamal sat up a little straighter. He sobered at Eggsy's near display of emotion
and nodded once. "Yeah bruv. I can getcha some names. There was this one house
my cousin went to 'fore we moved here. Place that takes in a lo'a kids an' has
'em help round with chores 'n stuff. Usually older, though. Dunno what they'd
say if your short arse showed up t'the door." Jamal offered a crooked smile and
it looked like he did it just to see if Eggsy could be cheered, but his teeth
snagged at his lip again after, and Eggsy could see there was something else.
"Dunno how long you can stay for, even if they do say yes. You pro'ly know the
type; 'fore long some 'a the older guys'll start asking you for help with
business if they got some'ffin running, just so you can stay."
"Yeah, I know th'type. Better than nothin', though. Ain't like I got much of a
choice neither. It's whatever I can get, or goin' back to the bloke that
adopted me." Eggsy fidgeted and absently rubbed at his arm. He appreciated that
Jamal wasn't asking much in the way of questions. He wasn't ready to talk about
things to anyone, particularly not someone who was almost a stranger. "Maybe
they'll let me stay 'cause nobody'd think I had anything to do with business.
Could be useful."
Eggsy cleared his throat. "Listen. These names? If someone else comes after I
go, don't tell 'em nothin'. You don't know any names. I came and asked you for
pocket money and advice, or something, and you didn't have anything for me,
okay?"
Jamal nodded seriously. It was a good sign, the way he wasn't taken aback.
Hopefully, it would prove a testament to the viability of the people he was
about to point Eggsy to. A lot of the other kids at the estates talked about
having friends in low places, or connections with the various underground
businesses in the area. Some even claimed to know ex-cons, but Eggsy, and most
kids who grew up around him, had always been able to tell which ones were
exaggerating for their own credit. Jamal had a couple tall tales, but Eggsy
could tell he wasn't lying when he talked about the people he knew.
"I'mma give you my number, too," Jamal said as he went to find a pad of paper
and a pencil at the desk. "That way you have at least one person you can call
if some'ffin goes wrong."
"Okay," Eggsy agreed. He knew he'd never call. Once Harry tracked him to
Jamal's place, he'd probably tap the phones or something. Every time he got
help somewhere, that bridge would get burnt, because coming back would likely
be a trap. If things went wrong, Eggsy might as well take the tube back to
Harry's place, as he'd end up there sooner or later whether he wanted to or
not. "Thanks. I 'ppreciate it. I've been sleepin' outside okay, but it's gonna
be nice to get in somewhere."
", man...." Jamal stood when Eggsy did, and with the way he was shifting his
weight from one foot to another, he looked a little uncertain about letting
Eggsy go. Which was probably a sign that Eggsy should go. Jamal followed close
through the hall. "You call my number, ok? An' if DJ picks up, you can tell him
where you're at an' what's goin' on. He's an arse mosta' the time, but that
shit's bad."
They stopped beside the couch but it was obvious DJ still wasn't paying them
any attention when he waved his hand for them to get out of the line of the
telly.
"I should tell you," Jamal went on. "Most a' those guys ain't in the
neighbourhood. S'all people we knew in the East End."
"That's... good, actually. Further away I get, the better. I don't know how
many people this bloke knows, but I don't wanna run into anyone lookin' for me
by accident. Don't think posh people got a lot of friends in the East End."
Being further away would also save Eggsy from temptation. The temptation to
check in on Michelle, and to... go back. Eggsy couldn't, but he wanted to. He
ached for it. He wanted to go back and for Harry to have a reasonable
explanation for everything, and for everything to be a nightmare that he could
put behind him and forget about, but even Eggsy knew he was past that point
now. He'd seen too much, and there were no explanations. For all he knew, Harry
might murder him just like the men in the video for finding out too many
secrets.
Jamal saw Eggsy to the door with undisguised worry in his face. "I gotta say,"
he started, just before Eggsy could escape, "I knew things was bad with your
mum and all, but I'd never thought you'd be one 'a the ones to wind up on the
streets, y'know? 'Specially not after you went to live with some rich bloke. I
ain't gonna see you in school no more, am I?" Even with the door open and Eggsy
halfway through, Jamal was giving him this look like he was on the verge of
asking Eggsy not to go through with it.
Eggsy shook his head. He had to get out of there. He had what he came for, and
Harry might already be on his way, and Eggsy couldn't afford to have Jamal try
to stop him. Or for the other boy to suddenly decide that things couldn't be
that bad and to tell Harry where he'd gone, and to whom. "Prob'ly not, no.
Listen though, don't tell anyone where I've gone. Nobody. I don't care who
asks. If things don't work out, I'll figure out somethin' else to try, but I
can't go back. Alright?"
Jamal nodded quickly. "I won't. I ain't gonna tell."
Eggsy could believe Jamal had seen some bad family situations. From what he
knew of the boy, his father had been one of them and the look on his face said
he wasn't about to trust just anybody.
DJ shouted something from inside and Jamal looked over his shoulder. "I'll
close the door when I feel like it!" He turned back to Eggsy with a half roll
of his eyes--an apology--before sobering. "Take care, ok?"
"I will. And I'll give you a call if, y'know... stuff gets bad and it doesn't
work out." Eggsy's hands jammed into his pockets. He wasn't any good at
goodbyes. Jamal was going to get a bunch of trouble for helping him, but at
least Eggsy would never bother him and cause him more trouble again. "You take
care, too."
Jamal’s gaze tracked Eggsy like he knew he was dodging, but Jamal nodded all
the same before Eggsy turned around.
That was the last Eggsy would see of him for hopefully quite a while, he
thought as he made his way out of the flats.
Chapter End Notes
     Come join us again this Saturday (2/13) for the Dark_Kingsman_Block
     Party!
     Second note: Next week's chapter (2/19) will be a week late. Sorry
     everyone, but we'll be back again the next Friday.
***** Chapter 32 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Briefly, the thought of going back for his coat crossed Eggsy’s mind. It was a
stupid idea, dismissed as soon as it came to mind, yet it was ingrained in him.
It was one of those thoughts he wouldn't have had had he actually grown up
without a home, and he had to start thinking that way better now. Eggsy walked
a ways down the street until he could hide out of sight and take a look at the
piece of paper Jamal had given him. There were three names listed next to their
respective phone numbers, and one was Jamal.
Eggsy could only hope one of these people would take him in.
Finding a pay phone was more difficult than Eggsy had anticipated. His mother
had always told him to go to the nearest store and ask an adult to use their
phone if he lost his mobile, but doing that was out of the question. That sort
of advice worked if he had been lost and trying to get back to his family. The
adult would keep him there and take care of him until the right person came to
get him.
The only person that would come for Eggsy was Harry. He couldn't get stopped by
an adult.
After wandering for blocks, keeping his head down and steadily moving away from
the area he'd been in, Eggsy finally stumbled across a little outdoor booth. It
was tagged with paint and looking quite beat up, but it had a dial tone when he
lifted the receiver. Eggsy dug in his pocket for some spare coins and punched
in the first number on the paper.
It rang for a long time before someone answered.
"Yeah who'sit?" A drawling female voice sounded on the end of the line. Eggsy
thought she sounded young, but he was hardly the best judge. In the background
he heard a telly and other voices. Someone shouted and another voice let out a
high pitched wail. He caught the tones of an argument ensuing after.
"Hey, you know Jamal? Jamal Dajani? He gave me your number and told me to call.
Said you might... take a kid in, for a little bit, who don't got a home to go
back to?" Eggsy bit his lower lip. If this person said no, he only had one more
number to try. If they both said no, Eggsy didn't know what he'd do. Maybe he'd
be able to find someone else who knew people that would take him in and show
him the ropes, but he couldn't visit Jamal again.
There was a short pause on the other end of the line. "Maybe. Who's the kid an'
what's the situation wiv' the parents?" The woman had an air of affected
disinterest, like she'd taken this call a dozen times before. It wasn't exactly
a warm welcome, but that didn't mean Eggsy was out of luck yet. She was still
listening, after all.
"I... I can't go back to my real mum, 'cause she drinks all the time and I got
taken away, but who adopted me ain't any better. I had to leave, but anyone I
ask for help'd just send me right back. I don't mind workin' or nothin'," Eggsy
added in a rush. The woman might be more receptive if she didn't think he was
just a freeloader.
"You in trouble wiv' the law?" came the next question right on the heels of
Eggsy's statement. He imagined a list sitting in front of her, or maybe that
she'd memorized by now. Something she read down line by line until hopeful
callers didn't meet a requirement. He could imagine her saying 'sorry, can't
help, try someplace else' without so much as changing her tone.
"Nah, no trouble, but my... adopted dad, he knows people. Don't matter if I ran
away to like, the police or somethin', and told 'em why. He's got too many
connections, so I'd just end up right back where I was." Eggsy's tongue felt
thick. He didn't want to tell anyone what had happened to him, and he didn't
have much confidence about the chances of Harry actually being caught and
punished if he did tell anyone... but in that moment, Eggsy's heart sank as he
realized something.
He still loved Harry. He was scared shitless of the man, and angry, and
betrayed, and he didn't know what to do with all of the feelings inside of him,
but the idea of Harry put away in a prison made him want to cry. Even if he
deserved it for all the pain and murder and lies.
The woman on the other end took a deep breath and Eggsy held his own before she
spoke again. "I can't make no promises, but you can come 'round if you want.
You know how'ta get here?"
When Eggsy responded in the negative she gave him the street address and
directions by the tube, her tone never growing more nor less interesting than
the drawl she'd started with. By the time Eggsy hung up, he had written it all
down on the back of Jamal's note and could only hope it would make sense when
he tried to find his way. It wasn't until then that he realised he hadn't even
asked who the woman was and if she was in charge.
He'd find out when he got there. The day wasn't getting any younger, and
leaving for another part of the city was better than trying to find a spot to
sleep too close to where cameras had probably spotted him. The more Eggsy kept
on the move, the more difficult it would be for Harry to find and catch him.
Yet again, Eggsy found himself making his way to the tube. He picked another
pocket when the opportunity presented itself. If this lady and her place didn't
work out, he'd have money for food and coins to try calling the other place.
The ride back was just as long as the ride there, and this time Eggsy was more
tired than he had been when he'd woken, running on adrenaline and a welling
desperation. That desperate anxiety was still there, coiled in his belly, but
fatigue began to take its toll as he sat idle through station after station.
How he would have liked to curl up on the seat there, where it was warm, and
get some of the sleep he hadn't gotten the night before. It was so tempting,
but Eggsy couldn't risk missing his stop, and he couldn't risk riding the tube
for too long.
As it was, nerves kept him awake until he arrived anyhow.
He ended up not far from where he'd started that morning, just a bit north he
guessed after looking at a map and matching up the streets he saw the night
before. The house Eggsy was looking for was located between a set of council
estates and a market, not far off one of the larger streets. Eggsy had rarely
had to look for houses on his own before, but he kept to the directions the
woman had given him, turned at the right roads and double checked the names of
the buildings he passed, and though his heart was in his throat all the way
there, he finally found it.
It was unwise to linger on the street, but Eggsy stared for at least a minute,
working up his courage to go knock on the door. He didn't know these people.
Maybe Jamal didn't even know them very well. How did he trust adults when they
all betrayed and disappointed and hurt him? The woman and whoever else was in
that house could end up being worse than getting caught and sent back to his
mother or Harry.
Or maybe not. He wouldn't know until he tried. If they were worse, he could
always run away again. He could even let himself get caught, if the people in
this house proved to be terrible. Eggsy felt the bit of paper in his pocket to
give himself a bit more confidence and walked towards the front door. The first
rap of his knuckles made barely any sound at all, and Eggsy had to try again
before it became something that someone inside could hear.
A shout came from inside, and then another, high pitched voices he could tell
belonged to children. The person who answered the door wasn't the woman he'd
spoken to, however. It was a teenage boy. He was tall and blond and his
shoulders were broad but he stood with a slouch looking down at Eggsy. The look
on his face wasn't very welcoming.
"Who're you?" the boy asked, voice deep, but curious. Behind him Eggsy caught a
glimpse of two other kids, also older, passing through the hall. He hadn't been
mistaken about the voices he'd heard.
"Um..." Eggsy shifted on his feet. The presence of other kids made him feel a
bit better, but they were all older than he was. Kids became adults at some
point, so maybe they'd be allies, or maybe they wouldn't. "I called and some
lady told me to come over? I don't got anywhere to go and she said maybe I
could stay here. I'm Eggsy," he added.
The older boy raise a brow, and after a moment of consideration, shrugged his
shoulder and stepped aside for Eggsy to come in. "Hey Jen!" he called down the
hall before the door had even shut behind Eggsy. "Somebody here for you, says
'is names' 'Eggsy'."
It looked like the older boy meant for Eggsy to follow even if he didn't turn
around and make that clear. There was a pile of boots on a rug by the door, but
Eggsy didn't know if he'd be welcome to stay or not and the other boy was
already disappearing around the corner of the hall, so Eggsy gave his boots a
quick wipe and dashed to catch up.
In the kitchen two girls sat at the table, or rather, one sat on the table
while the other slouched in her chair, and a woman with pink hair leaned over a
pile of paperwork on the counter top. All three looked up when Eggsy stopped in
front of the door. The woman was the only one who didn't seem surprised. She
sighed. "Thank you Bastian." The older boy glanced down at Eggsy again with a
look that might have been encouragement, but it looked more like a silent
expression of 'good luck'. The two girls looked at each other, rolled their
eyes, and got up from the table.
"So you're Eggsy, huh?" the woman asked, glancing down at her paperwork again.
She was definitely the one he'd spoken to on the phone.
"Yeah. I... I got here as quick as I could. I had to wait for the tube," Eggsy
babbled in explanation. He didn't know what this 'Jen' was looking for. One
wrong move or word, and she might very well decide that he couldn't stay. Eggsy
didn't want to be out in the cold again, exhausted and wondering if Harry was
going to swoop down and grab him at any moment. "I didn't mean to interrupt
nothin'. Um. Are the other kids here... like me? Ran away an' stuff?"
Jen pushed the paper she'd been looking at aside and instead looked up at Eggsy
again. Her eyes travelled up and down his small frame and he knew she was
making a judgement he couldn't decipher. "Most of 'em are, yes. This isn't an
officially sanctioned shelter, but we take in kids who don't have anywhere else
to go while they finish their last years of school. You, however, are one of
the youngest kids I've ever seen end up on our doorstep." She chewed on that
thought for a minute. "How come you haven't gone to the local authorities for
help after you ran away?"
Eggsy swallowed and looked down at his feet. He couldn't tell her that Harry
was a spy. She'd laugh in his face and think that he was telling fantastical
lies. He settled for a half-truth. "My ad-dopted, um... adopted dad, he knows a
lot of people in the government. I found out he did a bunch of stuff to get me
taken away from my mum. Stuff with my mum was bad, but he... set her up, or
summat. He paid people off, or pulled favors, 'cause he... liked me. Y'know."
Eggsy's voice had gotten quieter as he spoke. He couldn't bear to look up and
see how the woman was taking his words. "I can't do nothin'. Nobody's gonna
believe me if I go to the authorities, and he'll just pay 'em off or call in
favors again, and then make sure I don't get another chance to run away. My mum
can't help me, I got no other family, and the authorities can't help me none.
They won't."
Silence filled the space between them. When Eggsy gathered the courage to look
up, he saw the woman's face was blank, but he got the impression he'd vaguely
startled her. Almost undetectably, she let out a slow breath and nodded slowly.
"Ok. It's. I won't say no, but it ain't up to me. I help out here, but I don't
make that decision." He couldn't tell if she believed him or not, but at least
she seemed to be taking him seriously. She shifted, straightened a little over
the counter and looked at him very carefully. "We're restricted from taking in
anyone under 13 without getting special approval from the local office. So I'll
ask you now, how old are you?"
"Jus' turned 13 last birthday." Eggsy drew on everything Harry had taught him
about lying, meeting the woman's eyes and keeping his face from giving anything
away. He was able to make his voice and breathing steady, but that didn't slow
down his heart. "I know I'm kinda short yet. I've always been smaller. Didn't
used to get as much to eat growing up, and I got told that's what did it."
Slowly, she nodded, looking him up and down again, but seemingly not going to
press the issue further. "Well alright then. You can stay for the night at
least, and we'll talk this over with Andrew once he gets home tonight. He's the
one who runs the place." Finally she moved away from the counter, pushing
errant strands of pink away from her forehead and came up to Eggsy. "My name's
Jen. That was Bastian you met earlier. I'll show you around, but first I'm
gonna have to have you take off those boots or you'll be tracking water all
over the place. C'mon." She seemed friendlier, now that that was settled, and
she led him back into the hall to take off his boots and hang up his jacket.
She didn't question the fact that all he had was his backpack, and didn't make
him leave it with the rest of the coats in the hall.
Eggsy felt a bit better once his boots were off and settled with the others. He
didn't know what to make of the place yet - or of Jen, or the other kids - and
he was nervous to meet this Andrew, but...
He was warm. Eggsy wasn't alone, or trying to hide and pass beneath notice.
Nobody thought anything about him being there that he could see, other than the
natural curiosity a new face created. Jen began walking him through the rooms,
pointing out where things were, and it didn't feel like home, but it also
didn't feel like being turned out onto the streets to face the cold and his own
despair. Eggsy couldn't quite hope yet that he was done running, but he drank
in every minute of heat and relative safety with quiet gratitude.
The house wasn't very large, but there were four rooms for the kids, and one
that was supposedly taken by Andrew, the man who owned the house and had final
say over who stayed and went. Eggsy learned the two girls he'd seen earlier
shared a room, as did two boys who weren't home. Bastian had his own room, and
the fourth had been recently vacated by another girl. It sounded like she
hadn't left on good terms by the look on Jen's face and tone of her voice as
she showed Eggsy the room. She hadn't done much with it, there was only a twin
sized bed in the corner, a desk, a lamp, and a couple posters on the wall, but
it sounded like she hadn't been there long to begin with.
"You can have this room for the night, but if you're staying, you might have to
switch with one of the other boys," Jen told him as though there was a pecking
order based on who had been waiting the longest for their own room.
"That's fine." The room wasn't the spacious, grand thing he'd had at Harry's,
but it also wasn't as small as his old room, which had almost been like a
closet. Beggars couldn't be choosers. Anything he got was better than staying
out on the street, cold and tired and constantly trying to stay one step ahead
of Harry. There wasn't a guarantee that Harry wouldn't find him here, but Eggsy
needed to sleep. His chance of survival was better here than out there. "Any of
'em will be fine. It's better than sleepin' outside. Do... do I get to stay
tonight, even if Andrew decides he don't want me here?"
"Yeah, you can. One day won't hurt nothing." Jen even gave him a small smile of
reassurance. "We'll be having dinner at 5. You can stay in here or go and watch
telly in the living room until then. An' we have a rule that if you go out, you
need to be back before 9. After 9 we lock up and anybody who's out stays out,
understand? If it happens repeatedly we'll figure you want to stay out for good
and give your room to somebody else who wants it." She gave him a serious look,
one she probably used on all the kids when she was warning them off.
Eggsy nodded quickly. "Got it. You don't gotta worry, I got no interest in
going out for a while. I had enough of that from sleepin' outside." Telly
sounded tempting, but Eggsy didn't know whether that meant socializing with the
other kids. He'd get to know them soon enough if he got to stay, but right then
he felt... exhausted. The narrow little twin bed looked like heaven,
particularly with the coverlet and the heating vent stuck in the wall. Eggsy
wanted to curl up and sleep more than he wanted to talk to anyone else or numb
his thoughts with telly programs.
"Ok." Jen straightened. "If you need anything, I'll be down in the kitchen."
With that, she turned and left Eggsy alone in the room with his backpack
clutched over one shoulder. Sounds of the telly drifted through the hall,
coming from downstairs, but up there it was quiet. Eggsy didn't know where
Bastian had gone, but it was likely the two girls had taken over the living
room. He could probably sleep for a few hours, if he could relax enough in this
new place. He felt exhausted enough for it, but his mind was still racing and
his body was still high with adrenaline.
Eggsy decided to try anyway. He'd nearly fallen asleep on the tube ride over,
and that was when he was on high alert for Harry to snatch him. The boy
shrugged off his backpack and set it on the floor within easy reach. He only
grabbed the top comforter and turned it down enough that he could slide
underneath it fully clothed. Eggsy still felt chilled. The vent rattled as warm
air piped through, and the telly kept him aware of the fact that others were in
the building with him. Strangers.
Eggsy didn't think he was going to ever drift off, but at some point he must
have. He blinked, and the daylight that had been creeping in around the blinds
had tapered off into dusk.
Sounds from the rooms below registered in his newly conscious mind and he knew
that must have been what woke him. He could hear voices over the clatter of
dish ware, many more voices than he'd heard before. Dinnertime, Jen had said.
He wondered if she would come to get him if he didn't come down on time.
With that thought in mind, Eggsy pulled himself out of bed and straightened his
clothes. It felt weird to be wearing the same clothes as yesterday, going to
sleep in them and waking up without changing, but it was all he could manage
just then. As he made his way into the hall, he wondered if all the children
were back and what they would be having. He'd had a sandwich that morning, but
he was hungry again this late in the day.
Eggsy found the living room empty when he reached the ground floor. All the
noise was coming from the kitchen. He hesitated in the hall. These people
really were strangers. Supposedly they were kids like him, and maybe they
really were, but they were also kids who'd lived this way far longer than he
had and he didn't know how to talk to them or if they'd even like him. He found
himself biting his lip before he turned the corner.
Around the table sat the two girls he'd seen before, still talking quietly
together, both in their early teens, and two boys he hadn't seen before and
could only assume they were the ones who shared the other bedroom, both were
alternately getting up for things and sitting down again like they had too much
energy. Jen had her hair up and was ordering the boys to get plates and
utensils while stirring something in a large pot on the stove, and there was a
man who stood with her, not particularly tall, and not young but also not
exactly old. He looked kind of nerdy, Eggsy thought, with thin glasses and
sharp features and a soft voice as he conversed with Jen when her attention
wasn't on the boys. Eggsy could only assume he must be Andrew.
Eggsy lingered in the doorway for a moment. Eggsy hadn't been prone to being
shy before, but he was now. If people hadn't liked him at school or the skating
park, Eggsy could deal with it. Here, he had to get these people to like him.
Or at least tolerate him. This wasn't a public arena like school or the park,
where everyone was entitled to be there and no real serious consequences would
come from not getting along. He was the new kid, the youngest and the lowest in
the pecking order. Andrew had to like him in order for him to stay, and the
other kids had to like him enough not to push him out.
Eventually Eggsy walked further into the room. He skirted around the table and
moved towards Jen, hoping she'd introduce him.
When she turned back to the stove to glance over the pot, she finally noticed
him. "Eggsy. All rested up I see." She must have checked on him when he was
asleep, which he wasn't sure how to feel about, but she did sound warmer than
she had yet that day.
The man leaned around her shoulder to get a better look at him. "So this is
him, hm? Jen's been telling me about you. Says it sounds like you came from a
pretty bad spot."
The other children ignored them for the most part, which was somewhat of a
relief considering how much Eggsy was the focus in the conversation.
"Yeah. I can't... go back to where I was, and if I try to get help they're jus'
gonna send me back to the same place." Andrew didn't have the same natural,
warm ease that Eggsy remembered Harry exuding. Maybe that was for the best.
Maybe Andrew would be less of a liar, or at least worse at lying. "Jen said
you're the one that gets to decide if I get to stay or go? I'm not gonna be a
bother, I promise. I'll do chores an' stuff, whatever you need me to do."
The man nodded along slowly. "Yes, you would have to do chores. You'd also have
to go to school, just like the other kids." His voice was patient, and although
it was naturally high, Eggsy could tell it was a voice he used to talk to kids.
"We'd also have to notify someone you're here, even if you have just turned
thirteen. Now, that doesn't mean we have to go and tell your mum or the man who
used to take care of you, but we would have to notify our local authority or
we'd get in trouble."
Eggsy's expression fell. He'd thought he'd already explained to Jen exactly why
he hadn't gone to the local authority, and here Andrew was saying they would go
to them anyways and tell them where he was. That was as good as telling Harry
where to pick him up. He wouldn't have time to adjust to this new place because
Harry would be there the moment he knew. "I... don't want to get you in
trouble. I can't stay if they know I'm here, though. The man who adopted me
will just come get me, and he'll find out once they know."
Eggsy guessed that it was too late for them to tell anyone he was there. He'd
get some warm food and one night of decent sleep in a heated room before he'd
be out on his own again.
Andrew's mouth thinned. He must have been hoping Eggsy would take the offer.
"Well, alright, but you know you don't really have many options out there.
You're going to have to tell somebody at some point, there's just no way around
it." When Eggsy didn't budge, Andrew nodded and pushed his glasses up his nose
with a sigh. "But you can stay here tonight and in the morning maybe we can
talk about it and figure out a plan. What do you think about that?"
Just then Bastian came through the door. The older boy was like a freight train
in motion and one of the other boys dodged out of the chair that was apparently
his. They settled down again and Jen began dishing up spaghetti and meatballs
onto the table.
"Yeah, I guess so." Now Eggsy was worried. Andrew sounded like he was going to
be reasonable and was only worried about Eggsy's wellbeing, but Eggsy had heard
that tune before. Andrew didn't look as pleased as he sounded. Eggsy might be
able to stay the night, but he might have to sneak out the next morning. Andrew
might not wait for them to talk about things, and might just call someone
anticipating that he could get Eggsy to agree.
"Ok," Andrew nodded, "Now go and tuck in, we've got an extra chair."
Jen had pulled one up between her and the pair of girls, maybe thinking that
Eggsy would get pulled to easily into the boys' roughhousing. She was already
calling for them to calm down by the time Eggsy sat. He thought he'd have to
interrupt to ask for the spaghetti, but without breaking the pace of her
admonishment, Jen picked up his plate and dished up a healthy portion before
setting it back in front of him. Everyone at the table was talkative except for
Bastian, who responded in mostly gruff, one word answers to Andrew and Jen when
they asked him about his day. Eggsy did catch the boy glancing his way more
than once though.
Eggsy returned the looks with a questioning glance, but otherwise kept his head
down. He wouldn't be getting to know these people. He'd pass out of their lives
as quickly as he'd entered. Eggsy supposed he still had one more number in the
list Jamal had given him, but he didn't have much hope. It was likely that the
second number would have the same problem, where they'd tell the authorities
where he was. Eggsy wanted to cry, and he wanted to curse. Being a child wasn't
fair. He had no defence against adults. They could control and dictate
everything in his life, and Harry more than most by virtue of the power of his
profession.
If he was noticeably quiet, the others didn't comment on it. Jen asked him once
if the spaghetti was ok, even though she could see he was eating well enough,
even taking a second helping. She was probably just trying to coax him into
talking. He responded politely enough, and managed to hold back tears for the
rest of their time at the table, but after that she didn't try to draw him out
of his shell any longer.
When dinner was over, it was still a few hours before curfew and Jen told him
he could take a bath in the upstairs toilet if he wanted to, and if he was
still tired, he could go to bed early if he liked.
Eggsy decided to take up the offer of a bath. If he was going to be on the run
again, there was no telling when his next opportunity could be. He couldn't
very well wash himself off in the sink of a public loo.
Eggsy trudged up the stairs feeling like his limbs were all full of lead. He
was still grateful for the warmth and a full stomach, and a bath would make him
feel a bit better, but nothing was going to combat the knowledge that he wasn't
safe yet.
It was strange having to find towels for himself and figure out how to turn the
water on in someone else's home. Even in his first days at Harry's house, Harry
had shown him where things were and how everything worked. He'd had someone to
guide him in such simple things. Removing one article of clothing after another
in an unfamiliar place, even if the door was locked and he'd been assured he
could use the bath, didn't feel right.
Once he got the water running though, that helped. He turned on the shower
faucet instead, since it was more familiar and he would feel less alone with
the sound of the water running, and stepped inside.
Eggsy thought getting clean might help him feel a bit better. It didn't. He
felt worse. The house's bathroom was nothing like Harry's, and yet all Eggsy
could think about was that moment in the bath, when he'd been playing around
thinking about where he could hide spy cameras only to accidentally find one.
It was better that he knew about Harry's lies and manipulation. Better to know
that he'd been living a lie and that Harry was a monster, but no small part of
Eggsy wished that he'd stayed oblivious. He could have been happy if he hadn't
known. Maybe he never would have found out. A lie where someone loved him, and
cared for him, and he didn't have to worry about anything but schoolwork and
when his lover was coming home... Eggsy preferred that to his current reality.
He couldn't quite hold back his sobs. Eggsy hoped that the rattle of the pipes
and the hiss and spatter of water was loud enough to hide the sounds of him
crying.
Trying to imagine comfort was no use. He just imagined Harry's arms around him,
holding him in the shower as Harry had often done before, and that made the
ache in his chest even worse. It felt so bad he thought it might rip him in
two. Just when he thought he could stop, when he took deep breaths and braced
his hands against the wall, his chest tightened and the tears began flowing
again.
He was left hunched under the water for a long time. Long enough that he feared
someone like Jen or maybe even Andrew would be forced to knock on the door and
ask whether he was ok. Or that he stop using all the hot water. He made himself
wash his hair and scrub down after that thought, but even then it was difficult
to keep from crying.
Eggsy hurried as best he could. Just because he wasn't going to be staying more
than one night didn't mean he had to be rude about things. Better not to burn
any bridges and leave angry people behind him. He might have to come back for a
night, some day. The less put out Andrew and Jen were, the more likely it was
that they'd make another exception for him if he needed it.
Eggsy had no idea of how much time had passed when he finally turned the
faucets off. The room was steamed up completely. Eggsy dried himself and got up
on the balls of his feet to rub at the mirror. What little he could make out of
the hazy reflection was suspiciously red-eyed and puffy. He couldn't hide it,
but also couldn't afford to delay any longer.
He threw his clothes over his head and cracked open the door.
The light was on in the boys' room, but their door was shut. Voices still
murmured from downstairs above the noise of the telly and Eggsy thought the
girls and the adults were still down there. He made his way on silent feet to
the room he was occupying and closed the door shut behind him. If the other
boys had theirs closed, then he would be allowed to as well, he hoped.
Eggsy opened up his backpack to find some of the extra clothes he'd brought
since it felt weird wearing the same ones. Maybe if he rotated them, they
wouldn't get dirty as fast.
Opening the backpack made him come to terms with just how little he had left.
Some money, some food. A tiny, miniature torch meant for a keychain. His very
old handheld game console, now out of batteries and probably a poor choice to
bring in the first place. He'd gone from living in a run-down flat to a large
house with as much stuff as he wanted to... this. Barely two sets of clothes
and snack foods that were running out. He could buy more with money he'd
pickpocketed, but that wasn't the point.
He didn't know how long he could sustain this. If every day was going to be
like what he'd gone through so far, he'd never make it. He was going to screw
up. Harry would catch him, or the police would. Every minute of every day would
be spent in a state of hyper awareness looking for someplace to eat or sleep or
stay for a while. Every day he'd be out in the cold until summer came, and that
was a long ways away. Already he dreaded going back out there and spending
another like he had the one before.
A new sense of tiredness settled over him as he pulled on his second pair of
clothes. He'd eaten, he'd bathed, but his insides felt hollow and the warmth of
the vent by the wall didn't touch him anymore.
Despite his distress, Eggsy was tired enough that he drifted off again shortly
after he got into bed. Sleep was the black, dreamless void of the exhausted,
which was a blessing - had he not been so tired, nightmares likely would have
filled his head.
Some time later that night, Eggsy stirred at the sound of a door opening. Soft
footsteps padded across the floor. A hand closed over his mouth and Eggsy was
suddenly wide awake and ready to scream. He half-expected the dark shape in the
room to be Harry, but the outline wasn't right. His visitor wasn't tall enough,
or broad enough. The hand wasn't the same one that had slipped fingers into his
mouth in the throes of passion.
"Shhh," the voice came in a low hiss, "It's okay, I'm not gonna hurt you."
Eggsy didn't recognise the voice at first. It was deep, but not in the way an
adult's was. He blinked and a face came into focus. Bastian. The boy's hold on
Eggsy's mouth relaxed a little when Eggsy went still and Bastian raised his
brows, making sure Eggsy wasn't about to scream. Eggsy knew what malice looked
like, but this boy's face held none.
"I know I scared you, but I just had to make sure you were gonna be quiet,"
Bastian apologised and drew his hand away. He let Eggsy catch his breath and
sit up. Bastian's eyes, grey in the dark, were bright as he considered Eggsy.
"You really plannin' on running away so they don't tell nobody where you are?"
Eggsy nodded. "Nobody can know. It don't matter who they tell, if anyone in the
authorities knows where I am, the guy I ran away from is gonna find me and take
me away again. Stayin' here'd be like going right back to him." Eggsy shifted
uneasily on the mattress, which creaked underneath him. He hadn't talked to
Bastian at all since he'd arrived but for their encounter at the door, and he
had no real sense of what the older boy was like. "You're not gonna tell 'em
I'm running away, are you? Andrew wants to talk me out of it and I'm worried he
won't let me leave tomorrow."
Bastian shook his head. "Not gonna tell. I jus' might be able to make you a
better offer." He shrugged one shoulder like it was no big deal, but Eggsy
could see in his face he was interested in Eggsy saying yes. The older boy had
an air of not caring about him, but it was thin. It was the air a lot of
teenagers had, some of Eggsy's friends as well. Bastian crouched down and made
himself comfortable by the side of Eggsy's bed.
"What kinda offer?" Eggsy didn't know what the other boy was going to say, but
he held his breath even while he pretended to be casual. Adults all tended to
play by adult rules. You had to do particular things, call certain people, file
the right paperwork, do everything by the book all proper-like. Other kids,
though, bent or broke those rules whenever they could. Adults didn't respect
kids, so kids didn't respect adults and the nonsense they wanted everyone to
follow.
"I might know of a place you could stay," Bastian began slowly, taking stock of
Eggsy's demeanour as he did so, "Where nobody'd ask you any questions so long
as you help out. It's nothin' that bad, just runnin' errands and stuff, makin'
deliveries. You're small enough for it. An' if you don't ask any questions,
neither will they." Bastian relaxed against the mattress and gave Eggsy a shrug
and a small smile.
"Just errands? I don't gotta..." Eggsy had heard about things before, mostly
with girls. They were only supposed to go places with other people, keep them
company and be fake girlfriends, but they ended up doing more than just that.
Eggsy liked sex, but he was soured on that right then. "Nothin' but deliveries?
I can do it if it's just that."
Bastian's small smile turned crooked. "Thought you looked like you knew a thing
or two," he said, more to himself than Eggsy, "but yeah, you're cute 'n all,
but no one wants to risk that shite. Nothin' more'n errands and deliveries.
That's sorta the point. Nobody'll look twice at a kid like you runnin' around
from place to place. You could look like you're sellin' biscuits or sommat."
When Eggsy chewed on his lip, Bastian raised his hand over his heart and put on
a serious face. "Swear on my life, that's all."
Eggsy stared for a moment. Bastian didn't seem to be as smooth and practiced a
liar as Harry had been. Eggsy thought he would have known if the other boy was
stretching the truth or outright lying, but he seemed to be telling him things
straight. After a couple of seconds, Eggsy nodded. "Alright. I can do
deliveries and stuff. I don't really care so long as no one bothers me when I'm
doin' it. The people in this place, they ain't gonna tell nobody I'm there?
Nobody is supposed to know where I am. I get found otherwise."
Bastian shook his head. "Nah, see that's why it's perfect. They don't have to
explain you livin' there to no authorities, then they don't have to worry 'bout
you gettin' caught. Win-win." The older boy wasn't shy about hiding his grin
anymore. In another situation, he might have been handsome, if in an entirely
different way than Harry was handsome, but there was too much resting on the
situation for it to be of any consequence. If Eggsy went with this boy, he
could be putting his life in his hands. It was a gamble, even if it didn't seem
like Bastian was lying.
"Just so long as I don't gotta do anything else for people but the deliveries,
and nobody tells on me. Alright?" Eggsy didn't see how he had another choice.
He couldn't stay in this house, or he'd get reported to the authorities and
caught. If he went back out onto the street, he'd likely freeze for a while and
then get caught. The other number Jamal gave him would likely be like this
place. He could at least try the people Bastian was suggesting. If they didn't
work out, he was no worse off.
"Promise," Bastian even held out his hand for Eggsy to shake. His hands were
rough, but again, not in the same way Harry's hands were calloused. Harry's
hands were smooth in some places and rough in others. Bastian's hand didn't
linger, and he didn't seem to think twice about the contact even if Eggsy had
just worried about being propositioned for a kind of service he wasn't
interested in providing. Bastian glanced back to the door. "If you wanna get
outta here, we gotta do it now. Everybody's asleep and it'll be dark for a
couple more hours at least. C'mon, get up and pack your things."
If Eggsy left with Bastian, then by morning the others would think he'd sneaked
out by himself like he'd intended to do.
Eggsy didn't have much to pack. He'd never had much in the way of belongings,
but especially so now. He stuffed his dirty clothes into his pack and felt bad
for a moment about how little he had to remind him of anyone important. He
didn't have anything from his mum, or his dad. He didn't really have anything
from Harry either. Everything was memories. The weight was all mental instead
of physical. Perhaps it was for the best. Having nothing meant nobody could
steal anything, and Eggsy had nothing to lose.
"Alright, I'm ready." Eggsy put on a brave face and turned toward Bastian.
Leaving with the older boy was better. He now had a direction to travel in,
rather than escaping back out onto the streets with nowhere to go.
"Ok, sport, follow me and keep quiet."
Eggsy could only hope that Bastian's friendliness didn't diminish the moment he
was handed over to these new people. He followed the older boy through the hall
and down the steps, keeping to the wall to avoid creaking the stairs too much.
They stopped for their coats and mittens and Eggsy counted it fortunate that he
now had a hat. Bastian opened the door silently and didn't lock it behind him.
Eggsy took that as a sign he'd have to go back, which was unsettling, the
thought of being left alone with strangers even though Bastian was practically
a stranger himself, but Eggsy supposedly slipping away in the night all by
himself wouldn't work if Bastian was missing, too.
"It's a bit of a walk, but not too far," Bastian waited for Eggsy to catch up
before he led the way. "But still, Andrew and Jen don't know 'bout this place."
"Good. I don't want 'em to know." The less people who knew where he was, the
better. If Harry managed to track down the place through Jamal, only Bastian
would know where he'd gone. Harry could do all the spying he wanted and only
find out that Eggsy had left in the middle of the night and disappeared onto
the streets. Eggsy wondered, as they walked, just what these people could be
delivering that would need a kid to do it without getting caught. Eggsy guessed
that it was something illegal, like alcohol or drugs or guns. If people needed
food or normal things delivered, they'd just hire a regular person. "These
people, they really won't tell nobody where I am?"
Bastian shrugged. "So long as you don't put the business in any danger, they
won't care. They gotta do things off the books as much as possible."
If the older boy was telling the truth, it did seem like Eggsy could be a fit.
Other kids had to go to school and be home when their parents wanted them. If
they really did have a place for him to stay and they didn't mind.... Eggsy had
been aware of some of the illegal activities that had taken place around the
estates. Some of the older boys were even rumoured to be involved now and then,
but he and most of his friends were far too young for it.
Looking at Bastian, who dressed like Eggsy's friends, had the same kind of walk
and the same kind of manner, Eggsy could kind of see the type. He had no idea
how the older boy acted when he wasn't trying to strike a deal with a younger
kid like Eggsy, whether that friendliness was fake or whether it was real, but
he supposed it didn't matter as much as getting by. At least not yet.
"Good." Eggsy didn't really care what he was delivering. Whatever it was, it
couldn't be that bad, and other people were asking for whatever it was anyways.
All he cared about was that he got food, and someplace warm and dry to stay,
and that they didn't tell anyone he was there. Eggsy could figure out anything
else in time, but right then, survival and safety was of utmost importance. "I
don't care what the business is, so long as I just do deliveries and they don't
tell nobody where I'm at."
Bastian gave a short laugh. "If that's all you want, you'll do fine."
They walked in silence for a while, turning through the streets once or twice.
Eggsy didn't feel so exposed walking in the dark with his hat on, and not
walking alone either. If he was going to be running deliveries, he supposed the
only thing he'd have to worry about is being caught on camera and tracked back
to wherever he'd be staying. But maybe he could use some of the tricks he'd
thought up to avoid that.
They wound up at the Tower Hamlets Council Estate, or so Eggsy saw from the
sign at the street corner. It looked like a nice sign, but the buildings behind
it were drab monoliths. At least the estate Eggsy had come from didn't look
like a set of giant blocks looming over the snow filled yard. It was almost a
little intimidating, but Bastian tugged at his sleeve and led him up the
stairs. The older boy had a key to the gate, and they slipped inside the
complex without trouble.
Once again, Eggsy could relish the warmth. And a respite from the wind. Maybe
even a bed too, although at that point Eggsy would have taken a floor so long
as it was warm and had a roof. Beggars couldn't be choosers, and he was quite
the beggar with how few options he had. Anyone Bastian was taking him to likely
was involved in something illegal. The adults at the last home had implied that
not reporting his residence to the authorities could get them in trouble, so it
followed that anyone who didn't report Eggsy was already breaking the law in
other ways. If they were doing other things that could get them in more
trouble, they wouldn't care about how much might be added on by not informing
the authorities of a kid in their care.
The same with deliveries. Eggsy already knew from hanging out with friends that
younger kids got away with boosting and pickpocketing much easier than older
kids. Shopkeepers and adults suspected older teens, but not younger kids. Eggsy
would probably be carrying something that these people didn't want anyone to
see. Maybe it was weapons, or drugs, or information. Eggsy didn't know, and
truth be told he didn't care very much.
Bastian made sure he was following close. Eggsy got the sense the older boy
wanted to reassure him everything would be ok, but didn't really know how to go
about it. Talking in the dim halls, passing doors with murmured voices and
telly channels playing behind them, would have been more awkward than
comforting. There were stains along the carpeting although their path was at
least free of rubbish. Finally, three stories up, Bastian stopped in front of a
door and knocked. He looked down and gave Eggsy a smile before anyone had a
chance to answer.
When someone finally did, Eggsy had the urge to stand closer to Bastian even
though it was a woman. Or girl, maybe. Taller than Bastian and with long dark
hair and eyes that squinted at the pair before she spoke. "What you got here?"
she asked, and Eggsy decided that she was definitely a girl still by the sound
of her voice. She just looked older.
Bastian's arm fell over Eggsy's shoulders. "New delivery boy," he said
cheerfully, "now c'mon, don't make us talk in the hall."
Eggsy stayed close to Bastian as she waved them inside. He heard the door shut
and bolt behind them. The room they were let into was dim, illuminated by the
flickering light of a telly and a few small lamps. A rickety card table was set
up in one corner, and an older teen boy was packing something wrapped in
plastic into a box on one side of it. Notebooks littered the other side. The
air had a smoky quality Eggsy readily recognized, one that was more acrid than
the smell of tobacco. The empty glass bottles left on random surfaces were
familiar enough from Michelle's more stressful days.
These sorts of people were the kind Eggsy had seen before, or so the boy
thought. The scents and sights were all things he had seen back at the old
complex, when he still lived with his mother. Eggsy kept his eyes on the woman
who'd let them in and wondered if she ran the place or just was the person that
answered the door. "Bastian says you let people stay here, s'long as they
deliver stuff for you?"
She looked him up and down. "Normally yeah, but you're a little young, aren't
you?" Her voice held a note of incredulity, but it was soft enough that Eggsy
could sense her interest.
"Says he's got nowhere to go back to," Bastian added. "I figure it's a fair
deal, we don't tell anybody about him while he's here and he don't tell anybody
'bout us. Isn't that right, Eggsy?"
Eggsy nodded emphatically and the girl's thin eyebrows raised. The teen boy in
the corner glanced at them for a long moment before he went back to work. Now
that he had someone to compare her to besides Bastian, who was obviously
younger, he guessed she might be just out of school or nearly.
"Eggsy, huh? My name's Vivian." She relaxed a little and leaned against the
kitchen wall, pulling out a cigarette as though it might help her think. "You
know how to get around by yourself? You wouldn't be scared or nothin'?"
"Nah, I ain't scared. Before stuff happened with my mum, I used to go all over
the place by myself. The tube, the bus, just walk places, that kinda thing. I
don't really care where I gotta go, so long as nobody finds out I'm here. And
so long as I only deliver stuff." Eggsy didn't know what all they did there,
but it stood to reason that people who liked boys might want something similar.
Thinking about other people who might want to kiss him caused the ache to start
up in his chest all over again. "You really won't tell nobody? That I'm here
and all?"
Vivian pursed her lips, but shook her head. "Not if you pay us the same
respect."
She was chewing over the decision, and a moment's silence passed before Bastian
spoke up again. "He showed up at the home. Was just gonna run off again
anyway."
Eggsy could only be thankful something about him must have led the two to
suspect he'd be comfortable with the work because, slowly, Vivian nodded. He
could only guess it was his sheer desperation. Or maybe the fact that the state
of this flat didn't exactly surprise him, that he wasn't looking around with
wide eyed awe. He supposed that was one thing he could thank his mother for and
not Harry.
"We'll try it out," Vivian said finally. "You can stay here for a bit an' if
you do a couple runs ok, then you're in."
"Ok," Eggsy readily agreed. He'd work hard to prove that he was valuable and
that they'd want him to stick around. Eggsy was confident that deliveries
wouldn't be a problem. If anything was tricky, it'd be making the deliveries
while keeping away from the cameras enough that he wouldn't be tracked back by
police or Harry.
It wasn't like he was a captive, after all. If these people didn't work out, he
could always choose to try his luck out on the streets again. He was back to
squalor and poverty, but it was warm squalor that held the possibility of
regular meals and a working lavatory. Eggsy was willing to give it a try.
"Where... um, should I put my bag and stuff?"
Vivian glanced around before she nodded to an old armchair in the corner. "Over
there. You can have the couch tonight, but when we got people over, you're
gonna have to get outta the way."
Bastian clapped his hands together and rubbed them. "I have to get back. Throw
'em off the trail and whatnot. Just do what Viv asks, ok? An' I'll be back
tomorrow." Eggsy nodded before Bastian went into the kitchen to get something.
Vivian turned from the wall to follow him and Eggsy heard their murmured
voices. At least the other boy, who'd finished with his packing, didn't pay
Eggsy any attention. He just sat down at the table and started jotting notes in
one of the notebooks.
Eggsy watched the older boy with a bit of wariness, but when he was ignored,
Eggsy relaxed a bit. He made his way over to the couch and cringed. The thing
was threadbare and a bit stained in ways Eggsy didn't want to examine too
closely. Eggsy put his bag down by one armrest and sat. He sank down quite a
ways, but it was still softer than the floor. Judging from the stained carpet,
it was also worth betting that it was cleaner than the floor too.
Eggsy settled against the armrest but didn't dare close his eyes. He watched
the kitchen doorway and strained to hear and make sense of the noises he was
overhearing, but none of them solidified into words.
Their conversation didn't last long, however. Bastian didn't look any different
when he re-emerged from the kitchen and Eggsy heard the sound of the fridge
door opening and bottles clinking behind him. The older boy came over to the
couch and sat down beside him.
"You gonna be ok here for the night?" Bastian asked, and Eggsy couldn't read in
his face whether he'd be disappointed or not if Eggsy said no. Bastian hadn't
seemed friendly when he'd first opened the door at Andrew's place, but his
quiet gruffness had changed since then.
"Yeah." Eggsy wasn't sure, but the older boy didn't need to know that. He
wanted to project an air of tough competence. Eggsy needed to prove himself
valuable. These people wouldn't believe he was capable of running across London
delivering things if he looked scared at sleeping in a new place. The boy
squared his shoulders and tried to look casual. "I'll be ok. I've had worse.
These people seem like they're alright, and I ain't gonna be freezin' outside.
You're comin' back tomorrow, you said?"
Bastian nodded. "I will be." He reached out and clapped Eggsy on his back,
right at the base of his neck, before Bastian stood again.
Vivian finally came out of the kitchen and Bastian straightened to give her a
mock solute. The boy seemed to be able to switch from dour to playful on a
whim, or maybe he'd just been reserved like that at Andrew's house. Eggsy
didn't know. Vivian had no reaction to it as Bastian shrugged on his coat again
and left.
She gave a long sigh when he was gone. "I catch you stealin' anything, you're
out," she said.
"You got nothin' I wanna steal," Eggsy countered. His mood had immediately
soured at the warning. He guessed it made sense, him being a stranger and all,
but threats hadn't been what he wanted his first exchanges with his new
roommates to consist of. "And I don't wanna end up back out there. Don't matter
what you've got."
Vivian nodded, unfazed by his retort. At least she didn't seem upset by it.
"You can use the toilet when you need to. Coupl'a friends live here as well.
Stay out of the rooms in back, and they won't mind you." She nodded once more,
but this time it seemed to be to herself, like that was all she could think of
to tell Eggsy, and with that she pushed off the wall and disappeared down the
hall, leaving Eggsy alone in the sitting room. Or, nearly alone.
The other boy spent another ten minutes chewing on the end of his pencil before
he too got up and went to the room opposite the one Vivian had disappeared
into, still ignoring Eggsy all the while.
Eggsy gingerly laid down on the lumpy cushions and tried to relax. His ears
focused on the sound of the wind and traffic outside. Eggsy kept expecting a
wail of sirens, or perhaps the click of dress shoes as Harry and his friends
broke down the door to take him away, but neither happened. The London night
continued uninterrupted.
Eggsy's gaze drifted to the box and notebooks on the nearby card table. He was
curious whether that was some of the things he'd be delivering. Vivian had said
that he couldn't be caught stealing, but he wasn't planning on stealing, and
she'd never said he couldn't look.
They were just sitting there. Nobody else was home. It was the middle of the
night. ....and most importantly, Eggsy didn't think these people had the
resources to be setting up hidden cameras all around their flat.
He sat up and looked around. They hadn't even turned the lights off, but he
supposed he was expected to do that for himself if he wanted them off. Careful
not to creak the floor too much, he slid off the couch and glanced down the
hall. Both bedroom doors were closed. Eggsy tiptoed up to the table and looked
to see if any of the boxes or notebooks were labelled, but they weren't. All
the notebooks held on their covers were numbers scratched into the upper right
corners.
Tentatively, using just the tips of his fingers, he opened one. It held a long
table with uneven columns and tiny lettering. Each line consisted of dates,
addresses, numbers, and weights listed in most often in grams. Eggsy wasn't
sure what he expected, but he thought it would be a little clearer than that.
It was obviously a record of whatever was in the boxes, and he could guess.
Drugs. It had to be. Eggsy didn't know of anything else that was measured in
grams. Drugs would explain the numbers too, if those were the amount of pounds
paid in exchange, and why they needed special delivery people. It was the same
as when Eggsy had hung out with older boys who wanted to do a bit of thievery.
Having younger kids around made it easier, because no one suspected them, or
people paid attention to them instead of the boys stuffing their pockets.
Eggsy had no use for drugs. He'd seen enough of what alcohol had done to his
mother, or some of the people she'd brought home. Common alcohol could wreck
lives, so Eggsy had no idea how badly what was in the boxes could mess someone
up.
Maybe he should have felt guiltier about the fact that he'd be delivering drugs
to people. He didn't. As far as Eggsy could see, he wasn't making anyone take
drugs, or convincing them to choose them. All he would be doing was
transporting stuff from place to place, and in return, he got to escape from
Harry and whatever Harry was planning on doing to him.
With just as much care, he closed the notebook and left the rest alone. He
glanced into the kitchen and wondered if they would let him eat there too, as
part of the job, or whether he'd have to figure that out on his own. The pile
of dishes in the sink didn't look like it had been touched in weeks, and Eggsy
decided he didn't want to think about it.
One by one, he found the lights and shut them off. Before the last, he found a
small throw blanket on the floor behind one of the chairs and held it up. It
looked old, but had no visible signs that anything was wrong with it, so he
carried it back to the couch with him in the darkness. The small windows next
to the door had curtains that had been taped shut to keep out cracks of light,
and Eggsy had to feel where he was going.
It wasn't that bad, he tried to tell himself as he laid down. He technically
had a job now, and a place to stay.
Hopefully. Time would tell if these people were alright, and if they'd keep him
around. And if Harry would sniff him out even here.
Chapter End Notes
     Thanks for waiting on this one, everyone.
     Come join us again this Saturday (2/27) for the Dark_Kingsman_Block
     Party!
***** Chapter 33 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Eggsy must have fallen asleep at some point, because voices and the small
noises of movement woke him out of a groggy darkness some time later. Eggsy
cracked his eyes open and peered out from underneath the blanket. No one was
sitting at the table in the den, but at least two people were in the kitchen,
given that there were two voices. A small amount of sunlight had filtered into
the room in pitiful streaks wherever it could sneak around the secured
curtains.
Eggsy kept very still and tried to make out the words. He didn't think he could
fall asleep again now that he knew they were there, but he also didn't want to
make it known that he was awake just yet. One of the voices belonged to Vivian,
and the other was male. Someone Eggsy hadn't heard yet. She wasn't talking as
quietly as she had last night with Bastian, however, and Eggsy could make out
most of it. They switched between going over how many shipments they could move
in a day and talking about some girl Eggsy didn't know, but it sounded more
like casual gossip than anything serious. He would have been worried if they
were nervous, or if the conversation had been on him, but he guessed if he was
involved in the work now, they would talk about him at some point or another.
"We gotta get more carriers to rotate out," Vivian mumbled around a mouthful of
something. From the crunch, it was probably cereal or some kind of granola. A
second or two later Eggsy heard the familiar gurgle of a coffee machine. "Too
many trips with the same face ain't good. If a customer is suspected, they
start noticin' if the same kid pops up on the regular. They ain't entirely
stupid."
"Yeah sure, but they don't gotta be all livin' with us, do they?"
"If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out," Vivian said with more crunching.
"And this one isn't asking for an income neither. But if we can get our weekly
earnings up a bit, we might be able to afford to expand a little. None of you
shitheads think about business, do you?"
The male voice mumbled something in reply, but he was deferring to Viv. Eggsy
could tell by the tone. The smell of fresh coffee permeated the air, and
Eggsy's stomach growled.
Both of them fell silent. Eggsy stayed still and kept his breathing measured.
He could practically feel their gazes pass over him.
"...anyways, it ain't on you to decide. You got a problem, you can bring it up,
but if it isn't causing a problem, don't throw a fuss 'bout it. Without an
income, kids don't cost much"
Eggsy guessed the stranger must have shrugged, for after another minute there
was the sound of utensils clattering and chairs being pushed back from the
table. One of them went into the kitchen, but the other remained. And came
closer. Eggsy felt a hand nudge his shoulder.
"Up you get." It was Vivian, and when Eggsy opened his eyes he saw her looking
down at him with tired eyes and dark hair in a mess around her face. "C'mon.
Breakfast an' then I'll show you what you'll be doing for us."
Eggsy stretched and levered himself upright. He didn't want to argue. Getting
in these people's good graces was the key to staying, and maybe to getting
better treatment in the long run. If they were in the drug business they'd want
to feel secure that he wasn't going to cause them any trouble. People got mad
about the possibility of theft and lost money, but much more cautious and
irritable about the risk of jail time.
"Deliverin' stuff, right?" Eggsy followed Vivian into the kitchen. The cereal
box on the counter wasn't much, but he eagerly took a bowl when it was offered.
"How many deliveries are we talkin'?"
"As many as you can. But we'll start out and see if you can manage five today,"
Vivian said, pouring him milk and cereal. She passed him a map of the city and
already it had marked names and numbers on it. "If any authorities stop you,
you get rid of that first thing. I'll want you to remember those addresses
before long. Our customers' discretion is top priority an' you can't be
carryin' a list of 'em around." She lifted up one of the boxes onto the table
and opened it. "Everything along with a key to this building is already
packaged up for you and labelled by the order of your stops. Don't mix them up
and you'll be ok." Sure enough, she spread out plastic bags with numbers one
through five. It was difficult to make out what was inside of them, but they
all looked like they'd fit well enough inside Eggsy's backpack.
"What if... um..." Five was more deliveries in one go than Eggsy had been
counting on. It was doable, but he was nervous. He'd never done something like
this before, and he was afraid of more than simply messing up. He was going to
have to move fast to give Harry the runaround while he was out there. "They'll
know I deliver stuff for people, right? What if they try to stop me and look at
what else I'm carryin' after I drop off their stuff?"
"If you get anyone threatenin' you, then you come back an' tell us. We're not
doin' business with anyone who don't pay." She sounded final on that. Eggsy
only hoped she stood by that sentiment. "If you run into any trouble, you can
call this number," she said, writing it down on the edge of one of the
notebooks, "but you're going to have to memorize it now, and don't you dare
call us from a police station, ok?" Even though she was older, she didn't look
very imposing when she lowered her head and tried to look into his eyes to
drive the point home. Harry had been able to do that with little more than a
glance.
"Yeah, I got it. I don't grass no one out. Not ever." Eggsy did his best to
look determined. It helped that it was true. He couldn't say exactly why he
hadn't tried to turn Harry in. Harry had even said that they needed to be
careful or he'd end up in jail. If only his one friend knew about things, then
that might even be true.
Eggsy wasn't sure about that though. If Harry had had enough power to
manipulate the courts in his favour once, he could probably do it again. If
Harry wasn't around and those other spies thought he was too dangerous to be
running around knowing stuff, they might capture him or try to kill him, just
like the gangsters in movies. Even if he could hurt Harry back, Eggsy wasn't
sure he wanted to. He was beyond angry, and he wanted Harry to cry and be sorry
and have to pay for what he'd done, but the vision of him locked behind bars
and getting beaten up by other criminals turned the boy's stomach.
If Eggsy couldn't turn on people who'd really hurt him, then people he didn't
really care about at all were perfectly safe from getting ratted out.
Vivian nodded and it seemed like she believed him because she gathered up a few
papers and went to turn on the telly. Eggsy saw that the couch would no longer
be his during the day. He'd be out for a while regardless though, and he knew
he couldn't linger after he'd finished breakfast. It was probably best he start
early anyway, even though he had no idea how late he'd slept.
He put the bowl away in the sink with the other dishes when he was finished and
gathered up the map and the packages Vivian had left out for him before he went
to find his backpack. Vivian only glanced his way when he exchanged his meagre
belongings and left them in the corner, hopefully uninteresting to whoever
might show up while he was gone. She turned to him as he was pulling on his
coat and hat though.
"You do well out there, Eggsy." Her voice held a touch of encouragement.
"Thanks. I'll be back once all this is done, alright?" Eggsy did his best to
project confidence. Fear bubbled up, but that was understandable. He'd never
done this before, and Harry still haunted the streets outside, seeking him with
a million little electronic eyes. Eggsy tugged his hat a little lower.
Leaving the safe house wasn't as hard as leaving Harry's had been. Eggsy
supposed that was in part due to the major difference between them - he didn't
have an emotional attachment to this place or these people and, moreover, he
would get to come back. He wasn't safe there by any means, but he was safer
than he was somewhere else.
Eggsy took back streets and kept his head down as he walked. All the deliveries
would take longer from trying to avoid catching Harry's attention and getting
traced back to where he was staying, but he'd get it done.
Harry rapped his knuckles against the peeling paint of the door several blocks
north of India Dock Road. He could smell the Thames from there. The light
breeze carried an acrid scent of oil from the shipping yards just south. Not so
far from where he'd been the night before. Eggsy certainly had been getting
around lately.
He could hear feet stomping through the house before the lock clicked and the
door finally opened to reveal a short young woman with bright pink hair and
tension in her face.
Harry kept his own expression reserved, but pleasant, as he held up a badge.
"Good morning, ma'am. My name is DI Henderson, and I was wondering if you might
be able to help me."
The woman's face slackened, but her brows remained knit. "Wot's it in regards
to?"
"A boy who might have come here the night prior, ten years old, named Garry,
'Eggsy', Unwin." Harry loosened his posture and met her eyes, conveying with
every nonverbal detail he could muster his sincerity. "He's run away from a bad
situation at home recently and has been trying to escape the authorities ever
since."
The woman tensed even as she tried not to. Harry didn't need to look very hard
to know that she knew exactly who he was talking about. She had the look of
someone trapped. No one liked getting the attention of the cops or anyone in
the government. Even if she complied with what they were requesting, those
sorts of people had a tendency to look around and find something that didn't
measure up to some legal regulation, and then the house could get fines or even
more trouble. "Gimme a moment. He was 'ere, but I ain't the person you want to
be talkin' to. I'll go get 'im."
Harry blinked and had to physically restrain himself from stepping forward.
Was? But the woman was already moving down the hall and calling for someone
named Andrew. Andrew Newbury, the owner of the residence, Harry knew from
public records. He gripped the rusted metal railing and breathed until a small,
lanky man came to replace the woman.
"Andrew Newbury?" Harry straightened and held out his hand while the man's eyes
widened at his full name. He shook, regardless. "The boy is no longer here?"
Harry couldn't wait any longer.
"Ran away sometime this morning, I'm afraid," Andrew said. There was worry in
every line of his body. "We took him in yesterday. He asked that we not tell
anyone he was there, and I didn't want to send him away again so I let him
spend the night. We were going to notify the local authority, but I was going
to have a conversation with him in the morning first. See if I could get him to
change his mind, reassure him it would be safe. The things he told Jen..."
Harry caught several sets of eyes peering at them from the bottom of the
staircase, just over Andrew's shoulder. He watched their movements out of the
corner of his eye. "He told you about his home life, then?"
Andrew nodded. "A little, yes. He said he'd been with a man who'd abused him
and that he was terrified to go to the police."
Harry nodded in return, his expression grave. "We're aware of the situation,
and I can assure you that we have every intention of putting the boy's
wellbeing above all else. Were there any other children missing this morning?
And when did you notice he was gone?"
"There wasn't anyone else gone. We asked the rest of the kids about it, but
none of them had seen anything. The boy had kept to himself the previous night,
during dinner and afterwards. He must have snuck out at some point in the early
morning. He was gone by the time Jen and myself woke up." Andrew had the same
wariness about him as he related this information to Harry. The shelter's
paperwork was in order, but visits like these were why they were careful about
who they took in and about doing everything by the book.
"I hope you find him. I'd tell you more if he'd told us anything about where he
might be going, but he didn't. Something must have been going on, to make a
child that paranoid, but the streets are no place for someone that young. He's
going to end up getting picked up if he's out there too long."
"Would you mind if I spoke with the other children for a moment?" Harry asked.
"If they can tell me anything that would be of use, even the smallest detail,
it could be helpful."
Andrew glanced away, but nodded and stepped back to let Harry in. After his
eyes adjusted from the white of the snow and the sun, Harry saw two girls
sitting on the staircase and a boy lingering at the top. Andrew went into the
back of the house to fetch the others while Harry waited with a small, patient
smile. Awkwardly, they gathered together at the bottom of the staircase before
Harry stepped forward.
"My name is Detective Inspector Henderson," he began, looking to each of them
in turn, eyes lingering on an older blond boy who looked at him a little harder
than the rest. "I know Eggsy expressed fears of going to the police while he
was here, but we have no intention of putting him back in the situation he came
from, and every intention of finding him and keeping him safe from further
harm. Did he speak with any of you the night before, or this morning perhaps?
Even in passing."
The children exchanged glances. All of them had the same cautious air about
them. These were kids that had all come from broken homes of some sort or
another. They'd learned early on that people in authority weren't always to be
trusted, and that the people charged with keeping them safe and helping them
were at times the people they needed to run from.
"Sorry, he didn't really talk to us," one girl said. "He was sleepin' when we
normally watch telly, and he didn't say much during dinner."
"We tried gettin' him to talk," another added. "He weren't very friendly
though. Kept quiet. Didn't really answer questions much."
Harry nodded slowly and looked to each again before he lifted his eyes to the
blond, but the boy spoke readily enough. "I answered the door when he showed
up. He jus' told me his name was Eggsy an' that he'd called in earlier."
Harry closed his eyes and nodded again before he turned to Andrew, slipping a
card from his pocket. "Give me a call if you hear from him again or if you
think of anything."
"I will, certainly." Andrew clutched the card and Harry glanced around the
house before he thanked the man and the children, and turned to leave.
Back out on the street, Harry did not pause. "He slipped out this morning," he
hissed under his breath as he made his way down the walk. "I just missed him."
"I'm checking the footage. Not able to determine where he went yet, but he left
with someone else. The cameras show a taller figure with him. Too short to be
an adult, so it's likely one of the other children took him outside." Merlin's
voice sounded distant in the earpiece, but Harry heard him clearly enough. "A
boy, I'd guess from the haircut. I'll see if I can isolate a facial shot.
Regardless, one of the people in that household knows more than they're
telling. Perhaps they even know where he's gone next. Getting an address out of
them will be quicker and more accurate than waiting for me to trace the camera
feeds and try to guess the area he's in."
"I suspect I know who," Harry admitted, climbing into his car across the street
to wait. He sighed and watched the mist of his breath curl against the window.
"I'm going to follow the boy. I'd rather not go into this bullheaded if I can
help it. If he's taken Eggsy somewhere else, I'd like to see what we're dealing
with first." It would be all too easy though, to grab the boy as soon as he
stepped out of the house. To pull him out of sight and make him tell Harry what
he needed to know.... Unless Eggsy had moved on already, again. Word could get
back to Eggsy that Harry had visited Andrew's place, but if Eggsy heard that
Harry had also threatened another boy to find him.... Harry scowled and stared
at the house. He needed to move and yet he had to resist.
Time dragged on. The morning was early yet. Everyone in the household would be
getting ready for their day, eating breakfast and getting dressed. A light
flickered in the den, gathering at least some of the children for a lazy hour
or two of telly programs. Some might stay inside, doing homework or enjoying
the leisure time of the weekend.
Older children, however, felt the pressure of teenage years bearing down on
them. They would want to escape the scrutiny and comments of the adults running
the house, which meant that sooner or later they'd be outside. Harry only had
to be patient and wait.
At long last, the front door opened and a figure slipped through before
shutting it behind him. Harry recognized it as the oldest boy, exactly who he
wanted to talk to.
Harry waited for him to pass and then got out of the car. The boy was still too
young to drive yet, and odds were he didn't have the money to own a car
besides, so Harry would either be following him on foot or they'd be catching
the tube. With Merlin in his ear watching their progress, Harry could let the
distance between them stretch enough that the boy had virtually no chance of
noticing him even if he was wary of being followed.
They didn't go far. After fifteen minutes of walking, Harry had a very good
idea of where they'd end up, and he was right. Another council estate. Harry
watched the boy open the outer gate while Merlin worked his way into the
estate's video surveillance system and followed his progress from there until
he disappeared into an apartment and didn't emerge again.
When Harry had the number, he slipped into the building himself, picking the
outer lock on the way and passing quietly through the halls until he could palm
an audio receiver above the door before he was on his way again. The deja vu of
this move at Michelle's door, years ago, struck him as he walked and he had to
force his face calm.
Merlin routed the audio to him almost instantaneously. Harry listened while he
navigated away from the door towards a temporary hiding spot. He didn't know
yet if he'd need to go knock on the door, or even break in.
"Oy, watch where you're sittin'. We're sortin' merch and it won't do to have
you mussin' stuff up. You got here alight?"
"Yeah, 'right enough, but someone already came lookin' for the new kid I sent.
Some DI bloke. Guess he wasn't lying about the bit of someone tryin' to track
him down. Whoever gave him that address must've cracked."
"You sure it was jus' someone that talked? We need new delivery boys, but not
if it's gonna bring cops down on our heads."
Harry scowled. Eggsy had latched onto something he shouldn't have been involved
in, and Harry had no idea how far it extended. Yet. "Who owns the lease to that
flat?"
Merlin gave him the names and backgrounds of two teenagers, one who'd just
finished school and one who'd dropped out. Both had been high risk cases due to
their involvement with narcotics in the past, but mentally and physically
capable of holding down jobs and so the council had let them in. The longer
Harry listened, the more he began to realise that neither of the two people
listed as the flat's leasers were in the room. If Eggsy was there, he wasn't
saying anything.
"Relax. Nobody knows he's here. We see kids like that all the time. Sometimes a
cop comes by, sometimes they don't. If it's a problem, you can get rid of him,
but he's just one more kid disappearing. From the sound of it, his family is
broke or dead. No one's gonna have the money to really swing a big search for
him."
"That's a lotta assumptions. Kid was scared of someone lookin' for 'im, wasn't
he?"
"Yeah, but that's common. They always think whoever did stuff to 'em is more
powerful than they are. I've seen it all the time. Look, nobody's gonna follow
him here or bust things. If he messes up his test runs, kick him out, but it's
gonna be awhile before I can get you someone new to make up for it."
Harry closed his eyes in the stairwell. His back hit the wall as he listened,
hard concrete digging into his shoulders. "He'll be coming back," Harry said to
Merlin, his voice quiet even though it didn't need to be. He didn't feel like
he could speak much louder right now, not unless he was putting on another
persona. "I can't let him stay here." The stairwell was quiet, even quieter
than the hallways had been with the sounds of lives being lived behind every
closed door. Harry's voice didn't echo, but he felt like it should have all the
same. Eggsy was coming back. He'd be within reach for the first time in days,
and yet Harry knew he didn't sound like a man who expected to win.
Time crawled by. Eggsy must have left that morning for whatever errands these
people had set for him. Harry had no idea what he'd been told to do, or when
he'd be back, but the promise of his return kept him anchored to the spot and
aching. He couldn't leave when he knew Eggsy would be there. He couldn't go
elsewhere and wait for Merlin to tell him that the boy had walked back across a
camera feed. Quick as he was, he might miss catching Eggsy again, and he
couldn't let that happen.
The sun crossed the noon threshold and began to dip. Harry's stomach growled.
He was used to stakeouts and the discomforts that went with them, but personal
torment made the experience worse than merely tolerating hunger and thirst.
Evening fell before the radio in his ear cracked and the connection came to
life. "Harry. He's at the street corner heading for the building."
Harry straightened up from his seat on the lower stair. His heart began beating
twice as fast and he adjusted his glasses. He wasted no time moving to the door
to look out of the building and, sure enough, there Eggsy was, a small figure
in the distance, but stark against the backdrop of snow on the lawn. His head
was down and he was avoiding a path too close to the walk, no doubt where he
expected there might be a camera.
Harry had to smile. It was small and it hurt as it sat on his face, but Eggsy
had still struck a chord of pride within him. Harry waited until he was sure
Eggsy was heading for the right door and then slipped back around the corner.
This would have to be fast.
Eggsy never saw him coming. He was tired from a day of nonstop paranoia while
traveling, looking for cameras and people following him everywhere he went,
listening to the conversations around him in case people decided to call
someone to report him. His pack was finally empty and he had been looking
forward to getting back to safety and warmth and, if he was lucky, a bit of
dinner.
A shadow darted out, clamping a gloved hand over his mouth and nose while an
arm wrapped around him and yanked him off of his feet. Eggsy barely had time to
process it and start to scream or struggle while he was pulled back into the
dark.
"Shhhh..." Harry whispered into Eggsy's ear and closed the door of the
maintenance room behind them as fast as he could. The boy was kicking and
fighting in his arms all the way, but the room wasn't small, and it wasn't
quiet either. There was a single florescent light on overhead and hulking HVAC
equipment stood on either side of them as Harry dragged Eggsy as far as
possible away from the door and knelt down, pinning Eggsy in his arms and
trapping the boy's legs with his own. Harry pressed close and tried not to
think about how wrong it felt that Eggsy was fighting him. Like he was fighting
for his life. "I'm not going to hurt you. It's just me. Just Harry. You're ok."
Harry's reassurance didn't calm him down at all. If anything, the boy fought
harder. There was a terror in the jerky attempted movements of his body. Eggsy
tried to scream again, but it was muffled by Harry's palm and drowned out by
the equipment in the room.
Eggsy didn't believe that Harry wasn't going to hurt him. The boy was
practically shaking in Harry's arms.
Harry held tight. This wasn't working. He felt tears seep through the soft
leather of his gloves and he pressed his head to Eggsy's even though the boy
fought still. "Eggsy. Please." The whisper was too quiet. Harry barely heard it
himself, but he was sure Eggsy must have felt it. "Don't fight me."
The wail Eggsy let out through Harry's glove sank into his chest until he
realised that he too was shaking. Harry let the boy breathe, but he didn't dare
let go of his mouth. Eggsy had to tire soon. Harry would take him home. He'd
tuck him into bed and explain everything. He'd say he was sorry and Eggsy would
understand why he'd done everything he had.... He just had to hold on a little
longer.
Eggsy tried the oldest schoolyard trick in the book. Harry felt a slight pinch
as teeth tried to reach his hand, closing instead on leather. When the bite
failed Eggsy thrashed and tried to break free again, to kick Harry anywhere he
could reach, something. Harry kept him still and helpless until he felt Eggsy
grow progressively weaker and his rapid breathing became more pronounced.
Harry waited until he was sure Eggsy had worn himself out. He relaxed his hold
by degrees, not enough that he wouldn't be able to bear down the moment he felt
Eggsy move, but enough not to hurt the boy.
"I'm sorry," Harry whispered. "I'm so, so sorry. I love you, Eggsy." But Eggsy
hung limp in his arms. He breathed like an animal in shock. "If I take my hand
away, will you speak to me?" Harry had to work past the knot in his own throat
to force the words out, only now knowing they didn't want to come because he
knew what Eggsy would say.
Eggsy nodded. Even with that confirmation, it was a few moments before Harry
dared take his hand away. By that time, Eggsy had accepted that any attempt to
scream was futile. Harry wouldn't be so careless. He'd been dragged into a room
where no one would see or hear them, and now he was completely at the older
man's mercy.
"Let go of me. You got no right, you hurt my mum, let go!"
Harry grit his teeth and nearly wrapped his hand around Eggsy's mouth again,
but the boy's voice hadn't risen to a scream. Harry had to breathe for a moment
before he spoke again. "I did." He felt Eggsy give another halfhearted jerk and
held fast before the boy gave up again. "I know I did. I know how terrible that
was." Harry searched for the words. There was no excuse and no explanation.
He'd known that. He rested his chin on Eggsy's shoulder and let his eyes drift,
remembering how Michelle had been in court, and how Eggsy had clung to him and
spoke against her, and how sad he'd been to see her break down. He remembered
all the times before that. Every time he'd watched Eggsy from afar. Had gone to
his flat. Had picked him up after a carefully constructed fight between
Michelle and Dean. He remembered how much he would have done for Eggsy then.
"...I loved you. I wanted you and there was no other way. I was desperate."
"I can't believe nothin' you say. Everythin' was a lie, wasn't it?" Eggsy
choked out. "All that stuff. You were watchin' me, and my mum. Bet you weren't
even visitin' my neighbor, you just wanted to follow me around some more. Did
you send Dean, too? To make things bad with my mum and scare me? You bloody
watched me in my room, doin' stuff. The bathroom. I... I watched you kill a
bunch of people. I don't even know if they were bad guys or not. Maybe it
doesn't matter."
Harry swallowed and held on. "Not everything was a lie... I never sent Dean.
....I did all the rest." He sounded broken. Eggsy was slipping through his
fingers. It didn't matter that he held the boy in his arms, trapped at Harry's
will. He was losing Eggsy. This wasn't the petulant anger of a child. This
wasn't something he'd get over. This was a human being betrayed at every
possible level, and Harry could not fix that.
If he brought Eggsy home, Harry still couldn't fix that. The idea of it flashed
through his mind--Eggsy on the couch, curled up away from him, Eggsy moving
into the guest room, hating him, Eggsy doing everything he could to get away
from Harry. Eggsy never trusting him again. Never loving him again.
Harry's breath caught in his throat. He didn't realise his own tears were
falling until they hit Eggsy's shoulder. Harry closed his eyes and buried his
face in the boy's neck, and felt him try to squirm away. Harry swallowed. "Go
back to your mother. Don't get involved with these people. I won't follow you."
"Like hell you won't," Eggsy muttered. He jerked again, torn between anger and
fear. It was so, so tempting to jerk his head backwards and clock the older man
in the face, except that Eggsy didn't know what he'd do in return. "You'll just
hurt my mum some more. You don't care unless you get what you want. For all I
know, it's just the next setup. Cameras everywhere and playin' with me a bit
until you get me crawlin' back, right? Come back to save me mum, or 'cause I'm
too hungry or cold or summat. All I gots to do is pretend everything is like it
was, like I don't know. You fuck me and I get taken care of, ain't that right?
And nobody else gets hurt for interferin'."
"No, Eggsy. It's over," Harry sighed. "I'll remove Dean from your life and give
your mother the opportunity to clean up, and that's it. You'll never hear from
me again." Eggsy was not wrong about any of it. Harry could easily reel him in
again by circumstance, but Eggsy would know now, and he would hate Harry for
it. This was...the best Harry could do. "I'm letting you go."
To prove his point, Harry slackened his hold on the boy, letting Eggsy,
unsteady, out of his arms.
Eggsy whipped around. Whatever softness had been there was gone. Nothing was
left but the boy's fear of Harry, and his anger over what had been done. "You
'spect me to believe that? You follow me and do this stuff for years and you're
just gonna let me go?" To Eggsy's mind, it was unlikely. This was simply one
more trick, something to drop his guard. Harry would pretend to leave him alone
for a bit while orchestrating something else to draw him back in.
"Not all of it was a lie, Eggsy." The look on the boy's face pierced through
Harry. But he had to give Eggsy the opportunity to get out of there. Harry
climbed to his feet and straightened his back and suddenly Eggsy was very small
again even though the anger and determination was still written across his
face. "I suppose only time will tell," Harry said, hoping that Eggsy would not
continue to resist the opportunity just to spite Harry. Harry had taken all his
other choices away; he'd like to give Eggsy something back.
"Leave me and my mum alone," Eggsy warned, though he had no idea what he could
do to actually enforce that warning. It was too hard to look directly at Harry.
Eggsy didn't see a killer, or the person who had ruined his mother's life and
manipulated him into his bed and into giving up his heart. Eggsy saw the man he
still loved, who he'd woken up to countless times, who he never thought he'd be
without. "If you actually cared? Just leave us alone. Don't hurt her to get to
me, don't follow me with all the cameras and stuff and send people after me.
Leave me alone."
Harry nodded. It was almost imperceptible, but he knew Eggsy would catch the
movement. All his attention was attuned to Harry even if he wasn't looking
directly. Giving his word would be pointless, Harry knew. That was the best he
could do. He was crumbling inside, but he stood tall for Eggsy one last time
and offered the boy a small smile, remembering that once Eggsy had loved the
way Harry looked when he was confident and strong. Reassuring.
With nothing left to say, nothing that Eggsy would believe, Harry stepped
around him and went, one awful stride after another, to the door of the
maintenance room and left without looking back.
Eggsy watched him go, barely daring to believe it. Harry leaving went counter
to everything he knew about him. Harry had shadowed him forever, before he'd
even known the man existed. He'd tracked him from the shadows even to the east
side of London when he'd run away. Something had to be a trap. Harry wasn't the
sort to stop or let go.
But he was leaving. Eggsy watched him open the door and walk away. Had he
closed it, Eggsy would have been expecting an ambush on the other side, but
Harry's footsteps grew more distant as he went.
Eggsy stood there for a long time, the shock still overriding his system and
the machinery around him filling his head with white noise. When he did move
again, he found no one waiting for him in the hall, nor outside, even when he
went to the door and looked out over the frozen yard. There was no sign of
Harry at all.
Eggsy needed time to think. He still didn't know if it was a trap, but the
thought that he could go back to his mother was a strong pull in the pit of his
stomach. With blind steps he walked back to Vivian's flat. He'd finished his
work. He had a place to stay for now. And he needed to decide if it was safe to
see his mum again.
===============================================================================
Harry made good on his last promise that night. Dean Baker didn't stand a
chance against him in a dark alley. With a visit to the man's flat, a little
packing, and a body that would never be found, Dean had as good as disappeared
into the night. Murder would be suspected, Harry knew, but with the man's
parole and the police watching his every move since he'd been out of prison,
Dean doing a runner would be the likelier scenario in their books.
The very next day Michelle received a letter in the mail from one of London's
top rehabilitation clinics.
Eggsy continued to do drug runs for Vivian and her companions. He didn't
exactly get along with the others at that flat, but it kept a roof over his
head and food in his belly. During one of his runs, he was close enough to his
old neighbourhood that he took a bit of time to stop by and try to spy on how
his mother was doing.
She was gone. On vacation, or something else. Eggsy climbed around back until
he could peek in the window and found his room just as he'd left it, so he knew
his mother still lived there, but she wasn't home. He finished up the remainder
of his day with an ache in his chest.
A month and Eggsy had only gone back the once. Harry knew because he hadn't
stopped watching. He'd done everything else Eggsy had asked but that. He hadn't
intervened when Eggsy stayed with the teens and their little business. He
wouldn't, but he wouldn't, couldn't, let himself look away either. Eggsy had
gone back to his old flat once. Harry had to believe that he would try again.
He closed out of the Tower Hamlets feed and sat back, looking around his office
in HQ. It was tasteful yet sparse in real belongings as it had ever been. Not
even a photograph of their time vacationing in the summer remained. Merlin
hadn't said anything when Harry had taken them down. Merlin knew why. And
Merlin had kept him busy the past month. Harry dove into the work readily. He
didn't care how many side projects Merlin thought up. He needed it. He was even
beginning to enjoy it for himself, now.
His friend was worried for him. Merlin didn't need to say it. Harry knew it was
the case, tucked into the silences when nothing was said or Merlin gave him
some other small mission or task to occupy his time. He knew how much Harry was
watching Eggsy's feeds, and how he'd carefully put away all of the pictures and
files associated with their time together. The guest room was practically
sealed, capturing the time when the boy was living there and storing his things
in the spare room.
It was one of those nights, when Harry was mulling things over, that his
doorbell rang.
Harry set down the bit of scotch that remained in his glass and clicked on the
feed to his door. He knew who it was, but it was habit to be prepared. More so
now that Eggsy was gone. Fortunately, he was not wrong. Harry closed up his
office and took the glass with him as he descended the stairs. He was sure he
made an interesting sight in half his suit and slippers, glass in hand and
looking very tired when he opened the door and gestured Merlin to come in out
of the cold all in one motion smoothly fuelled by alcohol. "Scotch?" Harry
asked by way of greeting.
"Of course." Merlin stepped in and politely shut the door behind him. Harry
knew he'd be looking over the place the moment he was inside. Cameras had
already told him everything he needed to know long before he arrived, but
Merlin was ever the one for detail. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything? It's
been some time since I've seen you outside of headquarters."
"One of these days I'm going to show up at your doorstep, ready to drink my way
through your cupboards for a change." Harry shot him a cheeky smile over his
shoulder before he went into the kitchen for another glass. "But no, you're not
interrupting anything but the musings of a soon to be old man." Harry came back
out with his own glass refilled and offered Merlin the second. "And you are
most welcome to do so." He led Merlin into the living room for a more
comfortable atmosphere.
"Not so old as all that," Merlin countered. "Unless you've falsified your birth
certificate without my knowing. You seem to think that threatening my supplies
is an intimidating promise, but I assure you, you're more than welcome to give
it a try and I'll be impressed should you manage to actually drink your way
through the lot."
"I'll consider that a challenge." Harry raised a toast and took the armchair
closest to Merlin's. The couch felt too empty now. Harry leaned back and
crossed his long legs at the ankles. "What do you have in store for us this
week?" Harry asked as he'd begun to ask every time he saw Merlin in private
recently and they were between projects. Eggsy's accusations hadn't
miraculously gifted him a conscience in that area.
"Simple humiliation this time, I'm afraid. One more unqualified member of upper
society, complete with a padded resume and falsified references. Recently tried
to start getting involved in politics. While it might be more amusing to let
things play out a bit and take him down once he's further along in his
attempts, I'm feeling a bit restless and impulsive." Merlin sipped at his
scotch and watched Harry over the rim of his glass.
Harry nodded and hummed. "Likewise." But Merlin already knew that. Harry needed
to be out of the house more and more. Even though he reviewed the feeds
nightly, and sometimes during the slow hours in his office, it wasn't like it
had been when he knew Eggsy was waiting for him at home. Harry wanted more
work. He wanted challenges. He wanted to submerge himself in something else he
could enjoy for a few hours at a time at the very least. He hadn't left the
country on a job in a while, but he would be itching to soon enough. Spending
time in the gym was sometimes glorious now and sometimes awful. He preferred a
real fight. And he wasn't getting enough of them. Harry turned to look at
Merlin, all stillness and reservation, but Harry could see the strength in his
shoulders and he remembered how fast the other man could be. "We should spar
sometime." The words were out of Harry's mouth before he decided it was a good
idea.
"Now is sometime," Merlin pointed out, not without a touch of softness. He was
worried. Other members of Kingsman had noticed Harry's tension, if not the
cause. Merlin had watched his friend become more and more wound up to the point
of carelessness. Harry was so keen for a distraction from his thoughts and the
pain of the empty space in his house and his arms that he was approaching
something akin to a death wish.
That was something Merlin wouldn't permit. Harry felt a sort of possessive
protection where Eggsy was concerned, and Merlin had...something similar. He
had no tendency for making friends, and Harry was something more than one.
"Feeling restless? The last mission wasn't enough for you?"
Harry's mouth spread into a smile. "No, it wasn't." Harry glanced around the
room and then back at Merlin. He made the decision and rose to his feet. "C'mon
then. Let's go get bloody. It'll be worth it, and I can promise you just as
much scotch will be waiting for us back at my office at HQ." Harry's grin was
back and his steps were quick as he went to find his coat, but his mind still
wasn't clear. He was looking forward to changing that for a few brief hours. He
knew he could never repay Merlin for what the man was doing for him. Even if
Harry began to invest more and more of his time in Merlin's indulgences. It
would never be quite enough.
Merlin didn't seem to mind, strangely. Harry thought he knew why. The man had
all but confirmed it. He didn't have Eggsy's fawning air about him, but he was
like Harry himself in his affections - following every move, watching from a
distance, extending a helping hand as needed. "I wouldn't agree to this with
anyone but you, you know. Coaching and training the occasional recruits tends
to be quite enough."
Harry turned from the hall, a touch of fondness in his grin, and handed Merlin
his coat. "I know. And I won't tell a soul." That was another thing Harry knew
only he was allowed--touching Merlin's things. It was a closeness he welcomed
at times when he was feeling this restless, when closeness was sparse
otherwise.
They were out the door and on their way back to HQ in no time. Any other office
it would have seemed odd that Harry began spending so much time there very
suddenly, and that Merlin always had, but at Kingsman it was barely noticed.
Not when the knights working rigorous research missions practically lived there
along with the tech department.
The tram ride passed in amiable quiet. Both men were content in each other's
company. Merlin shot Harry a cryptic look now and again, but equally often
turned away towards the laptop he kept on his person. Merlin's work never truly
ended. Or perhaps, like Harry now felt, there was no particular need to stop
the overflow of work into his personal life.
They left the arrival platform and no one spared them a second glance. Not for
being there, nor for arriving together. Everyone at HQ had their own tasks to
perform and places to be. Security staff would note their arrival, but little
more unless Arthur had a specific reason to want their movements tracked.
Arthur's little task for Merlin to keep tabs on Harry, what seemed like so long
ago now, was even a decent explanation should anyone guess why the two spent
more time together. After all, they had been comfortable enough with each other
in their working environment beforehand.
Fortunately there were not many people in the gym when they arrived to change,
and the sparring rooms adjacent needn't have been reserved for their use. Harry
was used to a fair amount of alcohol in his system, even before his life had
turned upside down, and so the buzz of the scotch felt pleasant in his limbs as
he stripped into more comfortable clothes in the locker room. He was looking
forward to a thorough workout, already missing the rush of adrenaline, a
necessary protein shake after, and then a good dose more alcohol to top off the
night.
Merlin met him in one of the rooms. The chambers had been well-padded to
facilitate their use in training. Merlin had brought any number of recruits
down to similar rooms to demonstrate their skills, or lack thereof. Quite a few
had landed themselves a personal beating from the man for particular failures,
but none of them had ever been the focus of the peculiar sort of smile Merlin
flashed at Harry.
The Scot wasn't one to smile on the whole, and this was downright anticipatory.
"Are you certain you're up for this?"
Harry laughed, letting himself loosen up. "Does it matter?"
If Merlin was going to enjoy this, Harry had a feeling that he would as well.
He needed someone who wanted to fight with him. Who would like it. Who would
come back for more no matter which of them won. And perhaps he'd grown to enjoy
indulging Merlin a little, too. Although truth be told, he couldn't tell which
of them he was indulging here.
They went through their stretches and then moved to the centre of the room.
Merlin's eyes still smiled at him even as they got down into position, and
Harry knew it reflected in his own face. His blood was singing for the fight.
Merlin was quick. Harry knew that from their missions together, the few times
Merlin had been directly and physically involved rather than offering remote
support. He didn't have the strength of a full field agent, but he didn't need
it if he was quick enough. Merlin began to test Harry with jabs and thrusts,
all easily parried, but Harry felt the weight of scotch in his limbs. He wasn't
careless, but he was a fraction slower than he normally was.
They were feeling each other out. Harry could tell. It was a kind of fighting
he recognized, far more commonly so in sparring practices. It was a process he
enjoyed nevertheless. One that should not be rushed through with Merlin.
Harry noticed right away that they had a tendency to get close and then spring
away again, and that gave him some insight as to how the match would turn out
if not who would win. Harry was excellent at a distance with his long legs and
arms, but Merlin was equally matched in that area, and so, following the
strange momentum of this fight, Harry moved in closer. It meant he needed to
move faster to deflect Merlin's hand and elbows, to spin out of the way and
come back himself, but he enjoyed the idea of forcing Merlin back farther and
farther.
Merlin had to back up to keep holding his own, and ended up taking them in
circles. He couldn't match Harry in direct power, but he made up for it in
technique. Merlin parried and grabbed, doing his best to throw Harry off
balance or ruin his form in order to take advantage of gaps in his defence. He
caught Harry by surprise once, and the impact against Harry's ribs was enough
to sting. Merlin tried to follow through, got blocked by a flurry of counter
strikes, and was forced into backing off once again. He didn't bother to hide a
small grin.
"That's more like it." Harry grinned back. With Merlin's natural stoicism
cracking, it was easy to let himself get into the moment and take a certain
kind of high from it.
Harry rushed in, made it look like he was throwing caution to the wind, lifted
his right arm to make it seem like he was about to strike, or set up a false
strike and land the real blow with his knee instead, but he dropped at the last
moment and swung around Merlin just as the other man realised that he wasn't
going to strike at all, just as Merlin was turning to jump away from whatever
Harry was doing, but it was too late. Harry got his arms under Merlin's
shoulders and took them down to the floor.
Merlin instinctively rolled, and the fight transformed from vertical to
horizontal. Each of them tried to use their leverage to turn them until they
gained a superior angle. Hands grappled, pulled on cloth, clenched into fists
or sharp angles and tried to find a bit of vulnerable flesh. Merlin was very
skilled, else Harry would have won in a matter of seconds, but it was a losing
battle. Harry had power and experience on his side.
A hand snapped up and Harry felt fingers close around his neck before he struck
the limb away. Nails raked skin in the process.
Harry was laughing before he knew it. This wasn't something he'd experienced
for a long time, and he certainly wasn't laughing at Merlin; it was pure
delight. The moment Merlin looked at him with that tiny smile, he'd known this
was going to be good. The scrabble, the elbow to his ribs, blunt nails slicing
down the back of his arm...it felt good. There was delight in Merlin's eyes,
too. Harry saw it even when they rolled again and Merlin was underneath him. He
was almost loathe to let this end.
Harry got a little too close, a little too confident. He saw what was going to
happen a split second too late to prevent it. Merlin twisted and arched right
as Harry leaned down while securing his hands, and their foreheads collided.
During the burst of light that followed, one leg snaked around his own and the
world turned again. Harry moved to block and grapple before his vision had
cleared enough to see the movements. The first thing Harry spotted was a
pleased grin set into a mouth lacking any of its normal stoic reserve.
"Enjoying this, are you?" Harry asked, trying to move and realising he was
pinned. Also that he was still grinning himself, that the blood was still
singing in his veins and the high of the fight was not yet gone. He wanted it
to go on. He wanted to drown himself in it. He wanted never to tire. So with a
shift of his weight to create space, he wrenched one hand free and forced
Merlin to catch it or risk losing Harry.
Merlin made a grab for Harry's wrist, and the movement broke the pin. The
struggle changed, Harry trying to turn them or break free long enough to land a
strike, and Merlin attempting to stay on top and get Harry pinned again.
"'course I am. Recruits are no fun to beat."
Merlin was forced to use his weight until the back of Harry's head finally hit
the mat and his limbs slackened. He was being ridiculous at that point, not
admitting defeat, but Merlin was still enjoying it all the same. A quiet
chuckle bubbled up in Harry's throat again. He tried not to let himself wonder
if this was how Eggsy felt when he'd been beaten in their wrestling games. It
flitted in and out of his mind just as quickly, replaced by Merlin's smirking
mouth and shining eyes. Harry just let himself breathe. "You win."
"Oh I do, do I? You seemed so certain for a while there." Merlin took the
opportunity to admire the unfamiliar view. Harry was relaxed just then, but
that didn't mean he would remain that way. Relaxing in turn most likely would
mean finding himself pinned and admitting defeat. "Do I win anything in
particular beyond bragging rights that I've taken down a knight?"
"Probably a new job title, should you want it." Harry's shoulders shook as he
chuckled. Still relaxed, he shifted only a little and felt Merlin's grip
tighten. He wasn't getting out of this unless he was willing to do real damage.
"What would you like?" There was an intensity to Merlin's stare, and even
pinned like that, Merlin's weight was not painful. Harry hadn't minded the pain
before. He'd enjoyed it in their fight just as much as letting out his own
aggression. That was slightly unusual for him, but he'd rather not think on the
reasons why he now felt it was fitting.
Merlin's reaction was slow, and not entirely unlike that of a raptor. His sharp
features only made the comparison to such birds even more apt as his head
dipped slightly and his eyes narrowed. "I... am not entirely certain. I hadn't
come to a conclusion yet."
Just as slow was the realization of exactly how they were positioned. Merlin
had pinned others during training in this same exact manner hundreds of times
before, and he'd never thought anything of it because it meant nothing to him.
It signified nothing, brought no emotions or sensations beyond the vicious
satisfaction of watching his opponent cringe in defeat. Harry wasn't so
distantly removed from his psyche. Merlin had grown close to him over many,
many months. He'd watched Harry's escapades in the field, in his own private
projects, and in bed with Eggsy. Merlin froze.
It was a new look on him. Harry couldn't help the way his smile pulled a little
wider to see it. Carefully and slowly, he extracted his arm from Merlin's grip-
-a feat that would not have been so easy five seconds ago--and lifted it to
Merlin's face. Harry didn't rightly know if the other man would allow it, but
then it happened. The pads of his fingertips rested against Merlin's temple,
and still Merlin didn't move.
Harry knew his own eyes were alight with amusement. "How about we get a drink?
You look like you could use one nearly as much as I."
Merlin didn't answer. It was very possible that he couldn't. Harry had never
seen him so uncertain and openly conflicted. More remarkable yet was that he
didn't immediately remove Harry's touch - a man so known for his inviolate
privacy and territorial sensibilities that other employees didn't so much as
bother to ask if they could borrow a pen. Merlin finally inclined his head and
shifted his weight until he was no longer settled atop Harry. He stood,
breaking the contact, and after a moment held out a hand to assist Harry up. "A
drink could do us both good. Neither of us have been ourselves, I think."
Harry took the hand and climbed to his feet. "True," he sighed, "very true."
Harry squeezed Merlin's shoulder as he went to the door, another gesture Merlin
wouldn't have accepted from anyone else, but one that was meant, this time, to
reassure the man that his presence was not a discomfort to Harry.
Chapter End Notes
     Thanks for hanging in here with us, everyone. I'm really going to try
     to respond to comments this week. We appreciate all of them and I've
     been sorry to let you guys down for so long. (Piper)
     Come join us again this Saturday (3/5) for the Dark_Kingsman_Block
     Party!
***** Chapter 34 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Harry grabbed a towel on his way back to the locker room and doused his face in
cool water before he changed. Showering came a far second to the call of the
drinks cabinet in his office, and so he did the bare minimum of making himself
presentable again before he pulled on his suit.
Merlin met him out in the hallway. He had to be unnerved. Merlin had a habit of
watching everyone, as was usual for personnel in the intelligence department,
but this was different. Less idle observation and more concerted scrutiny. He
held back from Harry as if he wasn't certain whether they were about to have
another round of sparring right there in the hall. Harry ended up leading the
way with his friend keeping pace behind and the pressure of Merlin’s stare
boring between his shoulder blades.
Harry opened his office door and stepped aside to hold it there. Merlin crossed
the threshold, strangely tense for how often they'd done this before.
Celebratory drinks, or even a small chat, weren't anything unusual between the
knights and their handlers and support crew. Merlin had been invited in
countless times before, but that had been prior to the current state of things.
Harry couldn't keep the small smile off his face as he took out two tumblers
and poured several fingers of scotch from the cabinet into each. Apparently
this was how one made Merlin uncomfortable. He could have taken the seat behind
his desk and put some space between them to give his friend a bit of relief,
but Harry didn't want this to be formal. He just wanted to get drunk. If he
didn't know it would be so unusual for him, he'd have forgone putting the suit
back on altogether before they came back up here, and that was saying
something.
Harry took a seat at the edge of his desk and handed Merlin the other glass.
"Thank you for distracting me tonight."
"It was my pleasure. It isn't often that I get a chance to spar with someone I
actually enjoy fighting. Lancelot ruins it because he's insufferable
afterwards." Merlin accepted the glass. The amber liquid within it gave him
something to focus on that wasn't his friend, perched upon the edge of his
desk, nor the familiar contents of the office that offered no excuse for a
sudden interest in inspecting them. "Things have been very hard on you. A
distraction to take a bit of the burden off of your shoulders is the least I
can offer, and better than your foolhardy acquiescence to every dangerous
mission that comes this way. "
Harry snorted softly into his drink before he drained it and reached for the
bottle again. This time he let his head fall back and his eyes close before he
took another drink. Too fast and it would do him no good. He needed a minute to
relax and clear his head of the thoughts that would take any opportunity to
creep in on the edges of his mind. Harry found himself consciously shying away
from them at times like this. And Merlin was still standing there even though
there were several comfortable leather chairs in Harry's office.
"I appreciate what you're doing for me," Harry said without opening his eyes.
"But please, Merlin, sit down and relax. I'm not going to jump you."
Harry couldn't parse the look Merlin gave him in return. It wasn't
dispassionate, the same flat expression he gave everyone else, but it wasn't
like any of the countless marks Harry had tangled with over the years. The
Scotsman was practiced at hiding what he thought and felt from others which,
when combined with his introversion and nettley humour, contributed to how the
others avoided his presence. After a long moment, Merlin settled into one of
the chairs. Harry didn't miss the flicker of irritation in his face when he
found himself shorter than Harry's more elevated perch. "I should hope not, or
we're going to have another round of sparring and make a wreck of your office."
Finally Harry took another sip. 'Would we?' was at the very tip of his tongue,
but instead he let himself savour the scotch. Imagining that was not outside of
the realm of possibility, but Harry didn’t want a real fight on his hands nor
did he want the task of cleaning up his office. Their sparring had been a very
convenient release already, and he would like to be able to do this again.
"He's going to go back to his mother soon," Harry said because he knew how
awful it would be if he repeated another 'I miss him', words that Merlin had
heard a hundred times already from Harry in various states of breakdown. He
also said it because it was true. "He'll be curious now that he's missed her
once."
"But enough to stay? You've seen the state she's in." Michelle was in no
condition to be caring for anyone. Eggsy would find a flat littered with empty
bottles and the sick miasma of someone who'd mostly given up on life in
reaction to too much pain. "She still cannot legally have custody and won't be
able to convince any judge she's fit for it, even if we press things along. She
may not even be able to keep a roof over her own head. She's an alcohol-fuelled
migraine, at this point, not a caretaker."
Harry frowned and took another long sip of his glass. "We'll see what happens
when she's out of rehab. That might be enough of a pull to bring him back to
her. I can only hope...." Harry's expression turned sour. "If that happens, I
have no intention of involving the courts to give her back custody. I'll see to
it they never know he's left my guardianship, even if he changes schools. I do
not want to go through all that again, and there's a very good chance he'll
tell her what happened."
"Not as good as you might think. Not a negligible chance, of course, but
consider the history he had with his mother. From what I know and have observed
when he talked about her, trust isn't there," Merlin pointed out. "He didn't
trust her with smaller personal matters, or larger ones where her reactions
might put him at risk. She's already betrayed his trust in the past, and he has
reason to be wary of her substance abuse. I don't think it as likely that he'll
confide sensitive information that leaves him feeling even more vulnerable to
an adult he's not trusted in the past right after he feels betrayed by one he
so explicitly and completely did trust. I find it more likely he'll become
secretive and self-protective."
Harry turned that over in his mind as he swirled the scotch in his hand. He
knew to trust in Merlin's opinion, and when Harry himself was so close to the
situation, expecting Eggsy's disillusionment with him to trump all else....
"I don't want to leave him without options." Harry ran a hand over his face.
The truth was that Eggsy needed to find something for himself, something that
no one else could take away. Something that for most children was their
parents. If he didn't have Harry and he didn't have his mother, then it was no
wonder he'd remained in the situation he was in. He still didn't trust Harry
enough to let him go, and he hadn't gone back to the group home for children.
"He doesn't feel he has any. He's not going to take your word that you've given
him options. Or, for that matter, to want to accept any gestures from you at
this point. Even if his mother wasn't a verifiable train-wreck right this
moment, he'd likely be suspicious that it was some sort of entrapment. We've
guided so many circumstances in his life that he'll only trust what he finds
and chooses for himself."
Harry closed his eyes. "I can only give him the chance to go back to a better
life with his mother. And pray he takes it." Even if Eggsy never really trusted
her again, it would be better than this. He needed to go back to school. How
many times Harry had thought of picking him up off the street, kicking and
screaming, and sending him off to boarding school regardless of how he felt
about the situation. He knew Eggsy would be gone the very next day. Eggsy may
have been a child, but he still had to want this.
Merlin looked at Harry and stayed quiet. He knew that Harry had told Eggsy to
go back to his mother. He also knew that Eggsy would be unlikely to do so given
that Harry had told him to do it. "You have to be prepared for every
possibility. Including the one where Eggsy stays on his current path and
decides to live on the streets, or through illegal activities."
Harry's nose wrinkled. "How can I be prepared for that? In every scenario I
ever envisioned of this going wrong, not one involved leaving him homeless to
fend for himself." There was a sink hole in the pit of his chest again, and
Harry shook himself and took another drink to fight it off. He offered the
bottle to Merlin, a not so subtle hint that Harry wanted him to keep up. Or
try.
Merlin accepted, refilling his glass before passing the bottle back. "You
should have. Not of your own intention, but out of mindfulness that the boy
might reject any help you cared to offer. That doesn't mean that you have to
abandon him. It only means that if you choose to offer him alternative paths,
you need to be more subtle about it instead of offering outright."
Harry rubbed his temple and nodded. Michelle had always been his first thought
in a scenario where Eggsy hated him. Perhaps he'd idealised a mother's love
more than he'd thought.
"That's the only viable avenue I have left," Harry agreed with a great sigh. He
decided it was time to move on before his wallowing took hold in a truly
embarrassing way, which Merlin had put up with on too many nights already. He
gave his friend a sad attempt at a smile. "Don't suppose you'd like to talk
about that humiliation case while we have the time, would you?" Harry made a
concerted effort of adjusting his attention. It always helped to know these
things would serve as another distraction. Sometimes even an enjoyable one.
Merlin was quiet for a second too long, thoughtfully considering his friend
over the rim of his glass. "I think, perhaps, that you've deflected for too
long rather than deal with things directly. Unless you have no intention of
ever dealing with things, in which case I won't keep you from necessary
distractions. I simply don't think your focus is going to be truly dedicated to
what I'm talking about, and I prefer not to waste time and breath with an
uninterested audience."
Harry wanted to lay down on his desk. He gave a short laugh that didn't sound
much like a laugh at all. "Are you cutting me off?" He set his glass down on
the smooth varnish and turned it, the edges familiar against his fingertips.
"You just said it yourself--there's not much I can do but give him the
smallest, subtlest opportunities and hope he takes them. What else is left to
me but distraction?"
"Fulfilment wherever else you can get it, instead of trapping yourself in
futile attempts to escape," Merlin pointed out quietly. Harry couldn't recall
ever seeing such an expression of concern on the man's face before. He wasn't
prone to overt sentimentality or empathy, and yet he was watching Harry like he
was afraid his friend would begin to crumble in front of him. "I'll help you
with distraction if you must, but you have to let yourself mourn. It will break
through eventually, and at the worst possible moment, if you keep suppressing
everything."
Harry knew his mouth was hanging slightly open and he shut it. "I... I'm not
ready to mourn yet." He turned his head to look away. "It doesn't make a
difference. Every morning I wake up, alone, and I mourn. And the next morning I
go through it all again. I don't think it's going to progress any time soon."
Harry shook his head and drank again. Merlin's gaze ate into him. It was so
rare that Harry wished he had something else to say just for Merlin's sake
alone, but there was nothing he could do.
"You don't need it to progress and cease anytime soon. Putting it off will make
things worse, however." Merlin took another drink out of his glass and measured
his words while the alcohol burned across his tongue. Delicacy wasn't his
strong suit, but Harry was quite vulnerable enough without a wrong word
slipping between his ribs to bleed him out. "You're going to mourn for some
time. But you need to do it. Perhaps Eggsy will come back to you someday, or
understand what happened and forgive you. Perhaps he won't. Regardless, he's
not coming back now, and if you live as if he'll be back home at any moment,
you're going to break yourself more than you already have."
Harry was sure his face went through several expressions. "I understand that
he's gone, Merlin; I wouldn't be in this predicament otherwise. It's just that
it won't sink in and I can't just...." He brought himself up short. Merlin was
wearing one of the gravest expressions Harry had seen on him in years. "You
think I should stop watching him, don't you?" His breath was shaky at the last.
The very thought of it made breathing difficult.
"I think it would be easier on you to take a break," Merlin ventured with no
small amount of caution. Harry was far more emotional and expressive than he
was used to seeing, and it made him nervous. "I'm not suggesting abandonment,
or leaving him in danger. If you want me to keep track of things, I can inform
you if I think some... interference is in order. But if you're asking me what I
think would be wisest for you? I would suggest giving yourself space."
Harry put a hand to his forehead and tried not to think about just how awful
that was to hear. He knew why Merlin was suggesting this, it was painfully
obvious, but it still gutted him.
"I don't know if I can, yet." Harry swallowed. "Just.... A little while longer.
And then maybe, I can.... If you keep tabs on him, it would help. But...just a
little while longer." Harry looked up at his friend again and he knew he must
have looked every bit as terrible as he felt. He wasn't trying to hide it any
longer.
"A while longer, but I won't permit you to let that while stretch on into
forever," Merlin cautioned. "Or to throw your life away by risking yourself
carelessly and take on all the most dangerous missions. I won't give you a
choice, but you might as well consider the boy's feelings on the matter if he
comes back to find you gone, if you put no stock or weight into my feelings
about it. You cannot continue to help him if you lose yourself."
Harry looked away again. It wasn't a dismissal; he just couldn't look at Merlin
anymore. But he nodded after a minute of silence. The lump in his throat was
too large to speak.
Harry poured himself another glass and handed the bottle to Merlin. He stared
at the liquid for a long time, watching it slide back and forth and knowing
that the quiet was just for him. Merlin would do it. Harry knew he would. Harry
gave a sigh and took another long pull from his glass. It was going to be a
long night.
"You're upset." It wasn't a question. Merlin knew very well that Harry was
upset, and why. Perhaps he even had some notion of how deeply Harry's feelings
ran, if not a true understanding of what it felt like. However much Harry
avoided looking at him, he could feel Merlin's eyes on him. "Are you wanting to
do something about that, beyond drinking and ignoring the fact that I'm here?
Or shall I go and leave you to your ruminations?"
"No. Stay. Just...sit with me. Unless you have a better suggestion." Harry
tried to force a little more life into his face. It was difficult in front of
Merlin, although strangely not so in the field. Harry had begun to wonder if
his masks weren't somehow strengthened by a wish to escape what he was actually
feeling most of the time these days.
Merlin went still. That in itself wasn't strange except for how complete it
was. The man seemed to stop breathing, and when Harry glanced at him, Merlin's
gaze was fixed on anywhere and anything but Harry himself. Eventually Merlin
cleared his throat. "No. No, I don't think I have a better suggestion. Possibly
worse ones, but not better ones."
Harry watched Merlin and took another sip of his glass. It was strange how
still he felt now, more still even than Merlin looked because Harry could
almost sense the pulse in the other man's veins. Harry felt untouchable in a
way that seemed more like being dead than alive. "Spar with me again tomorrow.
When I'm sober." The opportunity to ask was there, and Harry took it. He
probably should have thought twice after Merlin had become uncomfortable after
their first match, but Harry couldn't find it in himself to care.
"As often as you want, so long as it makes you feel better and takes your mind
off of things." That wasn't the only reason. Harry knew Merlin well after so
many years. He'd seen the sort of vicious joy the man had had when he'd landed
a few blows, or once he'd gotten Harry pinned to the ground. Everything before
the atmosphere had shifted and unease had taken over. More was in play than
mere sadistic impulses or uncharacteristic displays of compassion. They both
knew it, and it passed unsaid between the two of them.
Harry allowed himself a wry smile and took another drink.
They sat like that all night finishing off the bottle, and then moving on to
the vodka. Harry was half tempted to spend the night in his quarters at HQ even
though he had the following day off. The spot underneath his desk was looking
just as appealing by the time Merlin decided to call it and put the bottle
back. That was probably one of the reasons Merlin had shown up on his doorstep,
Harry mused. Worrying about not seeing him the next day. Worried how Harry
would be alone.
"Time to get you back home," Merlin said. Perhaps Harry was imagining things,
but his Scottish drawl seemed thicker after so much alcohol, stripping away all
the careful standardized enunciation and revealing patterns ingrained from
childhood. "Before you dry out your office stash and start raidin' the offices
of other agents. They might stop and question you, an' we cannae be havin'
that. You don't have much in the way of senses to begin with, and you might run
your mouth unwisely now that you've lost most of the rest."
Harry chuckled and wrapped an arm around Merlin's back, letting the other man
take some of his weight and attempting to do the same in return if Merlin
swayed too far in his direction. "The things I might say. Dreadful." Harry
hadn't anticipated he would need the support for any longer than it took to
right himself from his desk and cross the room, but he was wrong. A couple of
techs looked at them askance while passing in the hall and Harry did have the
urge to say something mildly offensive along the way, thus coming dangerously
close to proving Merlin right.
Harry was very grateful for the train, and hopefully soon, a cab home.
Both of them swayed in their seats while the train clacked over the tracks back
towards London. The speed of it made it difficult to think about anything but
staying upright, awake, and as little nauseated as possible. When the train
jerked to a halt underneath the tailor shop, both men struggled to get back to
their feet. They used one another for support all the way up the lift and out
onto the street, where the night time chill and damp revived a bit of their
senses.
Harry could see his breath as he looked up at the night sky. Not that he could
see the stars in the centre of the city like that, but it still felt good. They
walked down the street and hailed a cab coming their way. "Is this where I send
you off or are you crashing on my couch tonight?" Harry asked, a little
surprised at how the simple act of being in fresh air and bitter cold made him
feel a little better.
"Will you be alright by yourself, or do you need company to keep from doing
something idiotic?" Merlin could imagine a good many things, from Harry
deciding to have a few more drinks and passing out in a dangerous position, up
to him traveling to the other side of London to darken Eggsy's doorstep. Either
was possible. Harry didn't always have the best record for avoiding self-
destructive actions. Merlin wanted to rest, but he also knew he wouldn't be
able to if he thought his friend was going to do something foolish while he was
too far away to stop him in time.
Harry turned to face the other man, his attention wavering before it could
focus on Merlin's face. Fortunately Harry's feet did not similarly drift away
from him. "I'll be alright. I have no plans to do anything more reckless
tonight." Harry moved his hand up to Merlin's shoulder for better stability as
the cab stopped in front of them and waited. "I'd really just like to be
unconscious for a while," Harry admitted.
Merlin gave Harry the exact look that Harry had seen directed at recruits
dozens of times. It was a narrowed, suspicious thing, all calculation about the
probabilities that the recipient was lying and planning something, and how
disastrous the fallout might happen to be. After a few moments, he seemed to be
satisfied. Merlin nodded and wavered on his feet as the ground spun underneath
him. "I'm going home, then. Get some rest, and I'll see you again tomorrow."
Harry nodded and couldn't help grinning at being the recipient of that look.
"Alright."
Harry opened the cab door and with some awkwardness, they climbed inside one
after another. Neither of them lived far away and neither of them particularly
minded the cab fee. Harry let his head fall back against the seat as Merlin
gave the driver directions and they began to move again. It wasn't the most
comfortable position, but the sway of the vehicle was relaxing. Harry would
have thanked Merlin again for keeping him together that night, but he already
had and Merlin already knew how much he appreciated it besides. Not just for
the distraction, but to have one last friend left as well.
Keeping focused while the car swayed was quite a task, but Merlin spent more
time looking at Harry than not. The man was too inebriated for him to be as
careful as he normally was. Harry caught him staring with a look of conflicted
frustration and, even more confusingly, a touch of disgust. Whether at Harry or
at himself was anyone's guess. Merlin wasn't the sort to be straightforward, or
to allow anyone to pry his secrets loose without a fight.
Harry decided not to confront it just then. He had a feeling Merlin wouldn't
appreciate it. So instead he let his eyes close and the ride home turn his
limbs into jelly and enjoyed his time out with someone who didn't hate him as
much as time would allow.
When the cab stopped in front of the Stanhope Mews, Harry had to force himself
alert again, at least enough so that he could straighten his legs. He stopped
to look at Merlin first. Harry offered the man a small smile, no matter that
Merlin's expression hadn't righted itself into his polite mask yet. And then
Harry was out the door, stumbling a little before he handed the driver a wad of
notes--probably more than he owed, but he didn't care to look--and made his way
down the softly lit street towards his doorstep.
The cab pulled away to deliver its other passenger to his destination. Harry
was left to his own devices - unlocking and slipping into an empty house that
didn't feel like home anymore now that it lacked something so essential.
Someone so essential.
Harry hadn’t been able to bring himself to move Eggsy's things. Everything was
kept like Eggsy had just left, perhaps would be back at any moment. A small set
of folded pyjamas remained on the boy's side of the dresser top, waiting to be
put on.
The reminders hurt, but having them gone would hurt more.
Harry couldn't even delude himself that it was for Arthur's inspections either,
or in case anyone who knew about Eggsy visited. Harry had ended the care
worker's follow ups with a few strings pulled months ago. Eggsy's case had been
transferred out of their office, ostensibly picked up by a new department that
had never existed at all. He wouldn’t be hearing from them any time soon.
Harry shrugged out of his coat and jacket, and headed straight for bed. He
didn't want to look at anything in the house. He didn't want to try to pretend
Eggsy was lying in bed with him that night. He just wanted to collapse and fall
into sleep and not dream for once. In his dreams he fixed everything that had
gone wrong. A dozen different ways he'd done it so far, and he had to wake up
to reality every morning after.
It couldn't be fixed unless Eggsy wanted it to be. What had happened earlier
made it clear that the boy didn't want things fixed. Given enough time, he
might listen to Harry's reasons and accept some sort of amends beyond what
Harry had already tried to do fixing his mother up, but it was too little too
late. Eggsy wouldn't listen if Harry took him away when he didn't want to go,
and he'd only build on the resentment that was already there.
Eggsy remained within his reach and yet, since he cared about the boy, out of
his reach forever. Having to watch him from a distance, knowing that Eggsy
hated him and he was unable to help or touch or talk to the boy, hurt far worse
than Harry had been anticipating.
Eventually Harry fell asleep, and the alcohol was effective enough that his
rest stayed dreamless.
===============================================================================
Two months passed and Eggsy had seen no further signs of the gentleman spy,
even when he remained as wary as he could be. His paranoia was lessening
slightly as the days passed. Harry knew where he was already, and though the
thought of Harry knowing where he was going when he made deliveries still
didn't sit well with him, there was no real point in giving himself the extra
work of avoiding every CCTV camera along the route. He did, however, get good
at it enough that he suspected he'd throw off the met police if they ever did
notice him and tried to track him, so he counted that as one skill well learned
to come out of all this.
It turned out Eggsy was very good at his new job. Other, older, boys came and
went, but Eggsy was the fastest and most careful. He rarely had any problems
with the customers either, just some who laughed at him at first, which he
didn't like, but as soon as they got what they paid for they generally let him
be.
Other kids came and went in the flat, too. Vivian let him keep the couch, but
there were nights when three other people would be sleeping on the floor around
him and it was nearly impossible to use the shower in the mornings. He was,
however, finally getting on with some of the regulars, and Bastian especially.
It turned out Bastian's cold demeanour when he'd first encountered Eggsy was
normal for the older boy. He treated everyone like that for the most part,
except Eggsy. He sometimes brought Eggsy sweets from the children's home, when
he could find them, and his friendliness hadn't wavered from that first night
he'd brought Eggsy over. When Eggsy asked about it, still wary to trust
anyone's kindness early on, Bastian had told him he'd once had a little
brother.
"Didn't act or look a thing like you," Bastian had said, "but he'd be about
your age." Eggsy hadn't been able to get more out of him than that, but it at
least solved some of the mystery.
Eggsy had given up trying to understand more than that. It didn't matter,
really. What mattered was that the older boy still liked him. He wasn't exactly
a friend, but he was a friendly face, and those were sparse.
Eggsy had warily taken a few trips to his mother's flat again after Harry told
him to go back home. The first time, he'd barely been able to get himself to
get on the tube and walk to Rowley Way, convinced that it was a trap and Harry
was going to be waiting for him when he got there. Instead, the flat was empty.
Michelle still lived there, but she'd been gone for several days from what
Eggsy could see through the windows. The back window to his old room had been
locked tight, and Eggsy hadn't learned enough about picking locks yet to be
able to get in through the front door to poke around. He left without incident,
vaguely worried all the while about where his mother might be.
The second time he came back, the flickering light of a telly screen could be
seen through the window at a distance. Eggsy had snuck closer to find his
mother bundled up in a blanket on the couch, a familiar tumbler in hand and a
few bottles scattered on tables around her. Wherever she'd gone, her habits
hadn't changed.
Eggsy had gone back to East London feeling more cold and alone than he'd felt
in a long time. Another avenue of hope, one that he hadn't admitted to himself
he'd wanted so badly, was lost to him. He curled into the window on the tube
and cried the whole way back, feeling like his life was ending. He'd missed his
mother and there was no hiding the truth of that.
For the first time since he'd set out on his own, he began to realise that
there were no safety nets left. He couldn't go back to Michelle. He couldn't go
back to Harry. He even began to fear missing too much school, not learning
things that all adults needed to learn when they were his age. The glamour of
making it on his own was fading into a sad reality.
Not much was left to him. He'd survive, of course, but survive for what? He no
longer knew what was to become of him. He wouldn't be going to university or
trade school because he could no longer afford it, and they wouldn't take him
anyways if he wasn't going to finish regular school. His mother couldn't help
him, and his aunt wouldn't, and his father was dead. Eggsy refused to ask Harry
for help, even though Harry owed him help.
Eggsy knew he'd probably end up like the older kids he was working with, stuck
in a life tied to crime and the streets. It wasn't a pleasant thought.
As the days passed, he sometimes asked Bastian about life at Andrew's place.
Bastian never had many good things to say about it though. Andrew and Jen were
nice enough, but it sounded more like a second kind of school. Rules and
homework and other kids that came and went.... Eggsy didn't think he'd like it
much better than living with Vivian. Even if he wasn't so sure whether he
should want to go back to school or not. Harry had never held rules over him,
and neither had his mum, more or less. Bastian's stories sounded suffocating.
Once in a while though, the older boy came to Vivian's with homework that he
hadn't been able to finish at home and couldn't put off any longer.
For lack of anyone else to hang out with that was interested in him, Eggsy
stuck close to Bastian. Everyone else came and went and only seemed to care
that he did his job quickly and effectively, but Bastian didn't seem to mind
him. Watching him do homework wasn't the most stimulating and exciting
activity, but Eggsy wanted to be near someone. Anyone who wasn't shoving
packages into his hands, or taking packages out of them.
One day Bastian brought a small pile of paperbacks with him and laid them over
the coffee table while he plopped himself down on the couch. Since it was early
afternoon, Eggsy had already moved his pillow and blankets out of the way, but
no one had chased him off the couch yet. Bastian, and maybe Vivian if she sat
at the other side and didn't bother him, was the only one he didn't mind
sitting with him. The telly was almost always on during the day, but it was low
enough that Eggsy had gotten used to ignoring it if he wanted to.
"You ever read any Shakespeare?" Bastian asked and shook a book in Eggsy's
direction before he dug out his notebooks.
"Nah. Isn't that stuff, like... what adults like? A bunch of weird language so
they can feel all smart?" Eggsy's nose wrinkled. He'd had quite enough of
trying to fit in with upper class people or liking what they liked. Fancy plays
only reminded him of all the times Harry had taken him out to the theatre to
keep him entertained while also trying to bond over the activity together. "Or
girls. There used to be some girls in my class that were always talking about
Romeo and Juliet."
Bastian laughed. "I'm havin' to read that now. An' the sonnets, which everybody
uses for love poems and whatnot. An' Hamlet. That's the one where the guy holds
up the skull an' all, dramatic like, an' goes 'to be or not to be'...." Bastian
shook his head and tossed one of the books into Eggsy's lap. "You might like
that one actually. Everybody dies." He flipped through his notebook and then
went searching through the short pile for another.
"But do they die 'cause there's action scenes with sword fights and shootin'
each other with arrows and stuff, or is it like Romeo and Juliet where they're
supposed to make a bunch of speeches and then kill themselves?" Eggsy picked up
the book anyways and began to skim through it. As expected, the language was
archaic and difficult. Bastian's copy from school had copious footnotes at the
bottom of each page explaining exactly what was going on and what different
words meant. Despite Eggsy's scepticism, he found himself getting absorbed in
the book. Reading was slow going with how alien the language was, and Eggsy
knew nothing about royal politics or even much about Denmark, but he could
enjoy a plot about revenge and ghosts and murder.
Eggsy was so drawn in that he wasn't expecting the pain brought about by one of
the passages. Doubt thou the stars are fire, the book entreated. Doubt that the
sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love. Words that
were far, far too close to ones Harry had told him once, telling him that Eggsy
could doubt everything else, but never to doubt that Harry loved him.
The boy lowered the book to his lap, crestfallen. He hadn’t known how poignant
those words would be at the time, but how could he not doubt? How could Harry
have done everything that he'd done, to Eggsy's mother and to Eggsy himself, if
he truly loved and cared?
He tried to hold there, tried to keep the book open and his eyes down even as
they glazed over thinking about it. What did Harry's love mean? His mum had
always told him that love meant caring for someone beyond anything else, trying
to protect someone, keep them safe and happy, and Eggsy had always thought
trust was a part of that. He'd always thought of love as something unselfish.
Maybe inspired by too many shows on the telly. He wasn't supposed to like love
stories after all, growing up with the friends he had, but that stuff sort of
sank in anyway.
But Harry hadn't been like that, not really. Except that Eggsy could remember
the times when Harry was, and that twisted inside him to miss Harry's kindness
when he'd hurt Eggsy so much.
Did it mean anything at all to be loved if the person who loved him hurt him in
order to keep him, or to have him in the first place? Eggsy had given Harry
several chances to be honest with him, and Harry had continued to lie instead
of telling him the truth. Harry hadn't given him a choice about what was best
for him. Harry had lied and manipulated things, either outright choosing what
he thought was the best thing to happen or censoring the information Eggsy had
until he picked what Harry wanted him to pick.
Which, once Eggsy thought about it, wasn't entirely unlike what his mother did.
The thought disturbed him. Eggsy knew for certain his mother loved him, but
she'd done similar. Not to the same degree, of course, but similar.
A nudge at his shoulder startled him and he glanced over to find Bastian
looking down at him with worry. "You ok there?"
Eggsy must not have been hiding it very well, because Bastian almost never
looked serious like that. He only looked angry when he was serious, rarely
concerned, and he'd been laughing and bored over his homework only a minute
ago. Eggsy had never actually talked about Harry with the older boy, or anyone
at the flat. Not since his attempt with Andrew and Jen. Whenever he'd felt sad,
he did his best to go somewhere out of sight.
"Yeah, I'm ok. Just thinkin' about stuff. Like..." Eggsy floundered and tried
to think of something Bastian might accept. "Like in this, y'know, nobody knows
who to trust or if what anyone says is really true. Not even the ghost.
Everythin' in real life seems like that, 'specially with adults. Don't matter
who they are."
Bastian looked at him for a long moment. "Yeah 'suppose so. Don't think it
matters in the end though. They all die anyway, no matter who they trusted or
didn't or who was tellin' the truth all along an' who was lyin'. That's why
this homework is so dumb. We're supposed to say who was doing what an' why, but
what does it matter?" Bastian sighed and looked over his paper. The interesting
thing about the older boy, Eggsy had learned, was that he wasn't dumb. He liked
math and he liked strategy games. He liked to talk about people as though he
could figure them out, but he didn't like things he thought were pointless.
"A lot of stuff is like that though, ain't it? I guess..." Eggsy frowned in
thought. "I guess it mostly just matters for learnin' how people think, so you
can use that later. Keep yourself safe, or make people do things, or figure out
what they want. Sometimes things stay messy even after people die, depending on
what they were doin'. If you're a regular person and you die, nobody really
notices, but if you're famous and important people might start a war."
Bastian raised both his brows. "'Spose so. Like if you're royalty in Denmark."
His smile was back, wry and maybe it was meant to cheer Eggsy up just a little.
Eggsy had made a decent recovery, and he wasn't crying or anything, but Bastian
had noticed. Bastian probably wouldn't think anything less of him if he cried
though, as terrible as the thought of crying in front of somebody else was. And
Vivian was pretty lenient just so long as he got his rounds done, but he had a
feeling it wouldn't be a good idea to let her and the others catch him at it,
for bigger reasons than his pride. He couldn't have them doubting that he could
keep this up.
Or that he would keep quiet and strong, if he got caught while out on delivery.
Nobody liked a snitch. The more that he could show them that he was mature,
strong, and clever, the better off he'd be. Eggsy just wished that he didn't
have to. He wanted to have someone to confide in, but he didn't dare trust
anyone. Harry had been his confidant, and Harry was gone.
"Yeah, I guess so. Or the British Prime Minister, although maybe not. I bet a
bunch of people wouldn't notice if he kicked it." Eggsy did his best to try to
joke with Bastian. If the older boy thought he was alright, he wouldn't ask
after him later and clue others in to the fact that something had been wrong.
"Right," Bastian played along even though he'd turned back to his homework.
"They'd just put in some bloke from MI6 in a mask an' pretend it's all normal
like. Next big conspiracy, that'd be." He was smiling. It was just dumb banter.
Bastian had no idea what he was talking about, but it hit uncomfortably close
to home for Eggsy. Eggsy didn't even know what Harry really did in the spy
world, or why he did it. From what Eggsy saw, he'd probably received the
censored versions of everything Harry had ever done even if it sounded real. He
didn't know who was who or what was what in the realm of international
espionage.
Eggsy didn't even know if Harry was playing for the good guys. It was
conceivable that he wasn't. Eggsy knew for certain that Harry had killed, and
probably quite often for how efficient and effortless it had seemed in the
recordings. Burning an enemy alive didn't seem like the sort of things good
guys did, no matter what the bad guys had done.
All of which made it more surreal that Harry had let him go. Eggsy still found
himself worrying from time to time, knowing that Harry could be watching him or
that he could swoop down and take him at any moment, but that moment never
arrived. Eggsy couldn't figure out why that would be the case unless it was
some sort of trick.
"Viv's told me they've got some new rounds comin' up for you," Bastian said a
few minutes later without preamble. "Bigger clients it sounds like. I think
she's branching out. Says she's gonna talk to us about it soon, but if it works
out, this could mean a hell of a lot more money comin' in."
In the time Eggsy had been there, they'd hired a couple older kids to do runs
just like he did, but Eggsy was the only one who was a regular, which he'd
counted as a good sign. There had been a couple times when he'd had a hard time
finding locations or getting into places, but he'd never failed to make a
delivery or show up before the customer got truly angry and tried to call in.
Eggsy knew he was constantly on shaky ground with the very nature of the work,
but with how well he'd done so far, Bastian's comment didn't sound too
farfetched.
"More money's good. I can do whatever, so long as Viv tells me where to go and
the stuff ain't too heavy. I can only carry so much in one go, y'know." Eggsy
shrugged. He didn't think that there was harm in admitting he had limitations.
Viv and the others weren't likely to get rid of him. He'd proven that he was
useful and reliable, and if they were thinking about running something higher
risk with higher rewards, they'd want someone they could trust. Someone who'd
never failed a job or tried to dip into the coffer.
"I think you'll do jus' fine," Bastian reassured him, and that sounded like all
he needed to say.
Bastian occasionally did deliveries as well, but his main job was picking up
the merchandise. Eggsy figured that was the more dangerous of the two, since he
was never told where the drugs came from. The most he ever heard was that
Bastian and a couple of the teens had to go down to the docks or some warehouse
or some other odd location after dark. On those trips, they always took a car.
Eggsy didn't want to know where the drugs came from, or even what they were.
Cops wouldn't believe that he was completely innocent, but they'd go easier on
him if they thought he was fairly clueless and being tricked by someone older.
In the same way, Viv and the others wouldn't get suspicious about him later on
if he kept his nose out of things. Viv had talked a few times before about
competition, and Eggsy didn't want them thinking he was going to run off with a
bunch of information to sell to someone else.
Thoughts of what life now held for him churned in Eggsy's mind as he and
Bastian sat on the couch and the older boy worked diligently and quietly until
the others arrived home. There was no getting any work done after that. The
other boys and the girls they sometimes brought with them were loud and they
took up spaces all over the room, demanding the channel be changed or that
someone make a run for take away. Bastian joined a game of cards at the table,
and before long the afternoon had passed and it was time for Eggsy to make his
scheduled runs.
Eggsy dutifully stuffed his backpack full and scanned over the sheet of
addresses he had for the day. Most were regulars, all places he'd been before.
He was careful not to take the same route every time, but some of his caution
was unmerited now that Harry seemed to have given up kidnapping him back or
threatening his mother.
Eggsy's thoughts lingered on Harry most of the afternoon. Travel made for a lot
of time to zone out and think or, in Eggsy's case, reminisce until his chest
ached. He wondered about what they might have been doing right then if Harry
hadn't lied and manipulated him. He thought about the places Harry had promised
to take him - all far too expensive now for him to ever afford to go.
Halfway through his deliveries, Eggsy's path crossed with a small tailoring
shop. The storefront was nothing as fancy as Savile Row; the clientele were
hopefuls wanting to climb the social ladder rather than those who had already
arrived. Still, Eggsy stopped in midstride and drifted towards the window,
taking in the spread of fabrics and leather goods and little accents. Part of
him wanted to go in. An impulse seized him to purchase something small, like a
handkerchief, to carry with him. If he couldn't have the Harry he'd fallen in
love with, he wanted a piece of that dream.
Eventually Eggsy decided against it and forced himself to turn away from the
shopfront. Harry's loss already stung quite enough. He didn’t want to make it
worse, and a piece of cloth wouldn't truly make him feel better.
It would only remind him of what he'd lost.
Chapter End Notes
     Come join us again this Saturday (3/12) for the Dark_Kingsman_Block
     Party!
***** Chapter 35 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Vivian's business began to pick up as the weeks went by, turning into another
month. Just as Bastian had said, Eggsy was introduced to new clients. Clients
who were a step above the people they sold to before, Vivian liked to say,
which mostly meant that they were willing to pay for more or for harder
narcotics. Or, in some cases, they were other dealers looking for easy trades.
People like that were what Vivian had warned Eggsy about before, but as far as
he could tell, some kind of a transition seemed to be happening in the
business. Vivian had had offers to expand by joining in with these other
dealers in the area, and she was beginning to take them up on it.
For the most part, however, Eggsy's work didn't change. The clients had
different faces and different locations, and the amount of bags and cash he
sometimes had to carry became more difficult, but still no one gave him
trouble. The teens hassled him sometimes still, but he felt his place had
finally been cemented within their ranks.
The work wasn't that much more difficult, or even much more dangerous from what
Eggsy could see, but living was slowly becoming harder. The older teens didn't
really include him in much, and Eggsy didn't have many real friends to talk to.
He couldn't talk to Bastian. He had a feeling the older boy wouldn't understand
and that Eggsy might risk everything if he upset that particular relationship.
Eggsy couldn't talk to anyone, but what had really begun to bother him was a
lack of touch. He missed being held and kissed, all the little gestures of love
and affection. He missed orgasms and feeling wanted. Touching himself wasn't
the same, and Eggsy didn't really get a chance for that either very much. There
were too many people in the flat running around, and no privacy. Not until the
wee hours of the morning when Eggsy was tired and often in a mood as dark as
the gloom outside.
There were times when he sat on the couch next to Bastian's easy sprawl as they
watched a film and the others drifted in and out that Eggsy would consider the
boy next to him. It was the closest physical proximity he got to almost anyone,
but although Bastian was friendly and not afraid of touch, it was the shoulder
bumping, playful jabbing sort that all Eggsy's old friends used as well. The
thought of curling up next to the older boy was...different. Even if Bastian
would allow it, and there was no telling whether he would, Bastian wasn't like
what Harry had been like. He didn't look as comfortable as Harry had. His
shoulders were broad for a boy going into his teens, and he was bigger than
Eggsy by far, but he was still just a boy. If he wrapped his arms around Eggsy
and had Eggsy sit in his lap, it wouldn't feel the same at all, Eggsy guessed.
A part of him wondered if that was what it was supposed to be like though. When
people normally had their first dates, it was with other people their age
and...their size, too. He wondered if he would have had some kind of awkward
crushes like that if it hadn't been for Harry. It made him wonder if something
would be wrong with him now, and yet, Harry's touch was the one he missed.
Bastian wouldn't do. None of the others that drifted in and out of the flat
would either. Eggsy wasn't interested, and he didn't want to risk his position
as a delivery boy. He began to look at people he passed on the street,
particularly in the rougher areas, wondering if any of them were like him...
but there was no way of knowing. He couldn't very well just ask some random
bloke for sex and a cuddle. They might try to beat him up, or worse.
And besides, none of the boys his own age, or Bastian's age, really caught his
eye when he walked along. A few did, but the ones that made him really consider
anything more were all older men - of a certain height and build, and with dark
brown hair.
The trend became apparent to Eggsy after the second man he'd caught himself
following off the tube, trying to keep up with long legs and a deep charcoal
grey suit, but every time Eggsy got close, or looked at these men too long, his
throat would close up and he'd find himself wrapped up in blankets on the couch
that night thinking back on the encounter and replacing the man's face with one
from his memory.
One with warm brown eyes. Eggsy had so rarely seen them turn cold, which seemed
like it should have been ironic after everything, but it was true. Whenever he
imagined Harry in place of another man on his daily travels, Eggsy would always
imagine his face warm and inviting. Eggsy remembered the way Harry's warmth
could turn scorching with barely any movement at all. Just in the intensity he
put behind that gaze. That was something Eggsy thought about a lot on the rare
nights when he was alone in the living room.
Those thoughts weren't the healthiest, considering how things had turned out.
He couldn't move on and heal if he couldn't stop thinking about Harry, and he
couldn't stop thinking about Harry so long as every good thing about him, every
positive thing they'd had together, stuck in the boy's mind. Holding the truth
of the bad that Harry had done together with Eggsy's most beloved memories
seemed impossible. Eggsy could be angry and love Harry at the same time, but he
couldn't reconcile Harry the Killer with his Harry.
Eggsy would curl up on the couch, hidden away under the blanket, and pretend
that he was on Harry's couch, or in his bed, and nothing had ever gone wrong.
Harry hadn't lied or done anything bad. Warm arms would reach around him at any
moment. Eggsy couldn't feel them except in his imagination, of course, but when
he slid his own hand under his waistband, it was simple enough to fantasize
that it was Harry curling fingers around his cock instead.
Harry bending his head to kiss the tender skin of Eggsy's neck while the man
adjusted his grip, the way Harry would press his tongue there and how it always
made Eggsy think Harry wanted to eat him up, the way Harry would press his hips
against Eggsy's backside and he would be able to feel just how much Harry
wanted him...all of it was seared into Eggsy's memory. But he found himself
clinging to those memories and every sensation inside of them. He couldn't
bring himself not to miss it. He couldn't bring himself to let go.
He even imagined Harry there with him, just behind him on Vivian's couch. He
imagined it was Harry's hand down his shorts and Harry's voice in his ear
telling him to be strong, that Harry loved him, and how much he missed Eggsy,
how much he wanted to pleasure Eggsy every night again. It was all too easy to
imagine those words could have been Harry's. It sounded like something Harry
would say.
Eggsy missed it. He wanted it. Not with the man who'd lied to him and broken
his world for the chance to steal him away, or the man who murdered without
hesitation, but the man who had taken him in and been such a good friend. He
wanted the Harry he'd known, the man that Harry had been pretending to be.
Eggsy shifted his hips back against the couch and stroked himself, but it was
difficult to hold onto the illusion that Harry was there with such poor
stimulation.
Eggsy didn't dare try to pick up another random adult for sex. Being caught or
reported was too much of a danger, and besides, he had some idea of how easily
an adult could injure him. Harry had always been careful, but someone else
might not be.
He tried to shove those thoughts back and just remember the ones he wanted, but
it was hard. It got a little easier when he found the right rhythm and when he
tried to make his fingers feel more like Harry's. He could remember what it
felt like when Harry was inside him and doing this, and that always made his
cock harder even though Eggsy had never tried stroking himself from inside like
Harry had. He didn't have enough privacy even if he wanted to.
He kept his mouth closed and tried to take slow breaths through his nose as he
imagined Harry pressing in close behind him, pulling down his pants, and
slipping fingers inside Eggsy's body. Prep wouldn't take long, or it didn't
have to in Eggsy's imagination. He imagined Harry turning him onto his stomach
while the man draped himself over Eggsy, his large cock sliding between Eggsy's
legs. Eggsy would be able to feel it as Harry lined himself up. Harry liked
rubbing himself all over Eggsy before he got into position and began the slow
push inside.
Because it was a fantasy, there was no discomfort. Harry wouldn't need to pause
to let him adjust, inching forward in that slow, careful way until he was as
deep as he dared go. In Eggsy's mind, Harry slid into him with ease in one
smooth movement. Eggsy would writhe a little as he was stretched and filled,
picturing what he must look like while feeling it happen.
Eggsy thrust against his own hand and wished he had the privacy to really feel
what he wanted, or at least to try. He risked enough simply by doing this much
on the common area couch.
The blanket over his shoulders helped a little if someone were to walk in very
suddenly, but that was all he had. He didn't like that he had to keep quiet.
He'd been able to make as much noise at Harry's as he liked. The walls were
thick and the house was well separated from the neighbours. They might as well
have been on an island when they were inside and the windows were closed and
the curtains drawn.
Eggsy imagined Harry leaning over him to whisper a soft shushing sound in his
ear. Harry's breath might have even caught on it as his hips began to move,
pressing Eggsy down into the cushions. Eggsy gripped his shaft harder and
imagined Harry wrapping an arm underneath him to help. He could remember so
well the sensation from both ends, inside and out.
He could even pretend that this was one of the absurd situations that he and
Harry had talked about, daring to indulge in one another while there was a
danger in being caught. They'd never really done so, of course, but Eggsy could
imagine that this was one such occasion - with Harry claiming him while
cautioning him to be quiet and not draw attention. The idea that they could get
caught was part of the appeal. Eggsy had enjoyed things for what they were, but
he knew a bit now to suspect that he'd gotten an extra bit of thrill from how
rebellious and taboo it had all been.
Eggsy wished that it was easier to imagine weight pressing him down. He could
remember what some things felt like, and if he got a bit of privacy even try to
simulate a bit of it with his fingers, but nothing really could replace the
feel of Harry curled around him or pressing him down into a mattress.
He could, however, picture Harry's fingers where his own were, and Eggsy held
onto that. It helped when he screwed his eyes closed and tried not to move too
much. All he had to do was think of Harry's voice in his ear. Harry loved
getting up close like that, like he thought himself the devil at Eggsy's
shoulder. But it worked. Eggsy had to hold back the thrusts of his hips and
close his mouth tight against any whimpers that might escape. The exertion of
restrain left him trembling as his hand picked up speed.
Pleasure tinged with regret and sorrow lanced through Eggsy. He couldn't think
of Harry without a vague sense of loss, even when steeped in fantasy. The older
man existed as a phantom, whispering orders and endearments into the boy's ear
and covering smaller hands in Eggsy's mind. It wasn't enough, and yet it was
all Eggsy had, and so it would have to do. Eggsy gritted his teeth and breathed
as quietly as he could manage and let Harry ravish him in his imagination,
wishing all the while that the Harry he thought he'd known really would come
take him away from everything.
When he came, for an instant, that Harry crystallized in his mind. Eggsy hung
on the bliss of that moment as pleasure surged through him, imagining Harry's
hand tightening on his cock to draw it out. He was so close to feeling Harry
with him and driving everything else back, hearing Harry's whispered 'I love
you' in his mind before it was all over.
Reality seeped in and Eggsy's body slackened. He didn't want to open his eyes,
but it didn't make a difference. The room he was in filtered into his conscious
mind all the same, and when Eggsy did crack his eyes open, he found that he was
not wrong. He was alone in the cold living room of a flat full of people who
were just getting by, like he was now.
That loneliness seeped into him and formed an empty, cold space in his core.
Eggsy curled up tighter on the couch to get warmer, but to a certain extent he
would never get warm enough. It wasn't a matter of temperature but of objective
reality. Eggsy had had certain expectations about life and his future, and none
of them were going to be true. He'd lost everything. He, himself, was a lost
boy, and he was likely going to stay that way, stuck on the other side of the
law and beneath the radar.
===============================================================================
Harry celebrated Eggsy's eleventh birthday by getting sloshed and tossed out of
a pub in Moscow. It had been worth it, he told Merlin later when the man was
putting ice on his forehead and checking to make sure he didn't have a
concussion from a table leg swung into his person, and he hadn't endangered the
mission.
Harry continued to walk the fine line between mourning and dangerous in spite
of his friend's best efforts to help, and Merlin did help. They both knew it.
Harry going through those months alone would have been Harry dead half a dozen
times.
By the time a year had passed since Eggsy had left, Harry's reckless abandon
had calmed somewhat, but his turbulent nights hadn't. He hadn't given up his
surveillance, but the life Eggsy led now was getting harder and harder to
watch. Michelle's rehabilitation had been a failure, and Harry couldn't find it
in himself to blame her. Because of him, she had no reason to stay sober and
she never knew she'd lost a second chance with her son. It was too far gone
now. Eggsy might check back in someday, but Harry doubted he'd ever live with
her again.
The boy had made his own path. As pitiful a path as it was, Eggsy had found
something for himself, all on his own. A direction that he was in control of,
from his perspective at least. Harry knew well how relations with the sorts of
people Eggsy worked for could turn out, and the thought of it haunted him.
The first real respite from worry Harry had was while perched atop the well-
worn deck off the beaten path of a tourist town in Belize, watching the barest
hint of clouds floating above the blue of the Caribbean. He'd just wrapped up
an easy mission and he suspected Merlin had given them both the assignment as a
vacation more than anything, but Harry couldn't find it in himself to complain.
For the first time in a long time, he was enjoying the tropical heat on the
back of his neck and a cool drink in his hand.
Enjoying, too, the sight of slight figures baring tanned skin to the sun.
Tourists and locals alike were enjoying the shore, and Harry let himself watch
with pleasure hidden behind tinted glasses, feeling less guilt than he had in
some time. It wasn't a betrayal to watch, or enjoy what was freely laid out
before him.
There was more to be had, Harry knew. A great many countries had options
available for those who knew where to look and had the cash for discretion.
Merlin had even gone so far as to suggest such an indulgence a few times,
thinking that it might take the edge off Harry's apparent death wish or allow
him to move on, but the idea had seemed crude at the time. Eggsy couldn't be
replaced by another boy.
That was not to say the idea hadn’t stayed with him, no matter how he felt
about Eggsy. His hopes of it fixing anything in him were simply not very high.
Harry had his reasons for drifting to the cantina not far from the main shore
where Merlin waited at their hotel. His mind lingered on what Merlin had
suggested. The local markets were only several streets down, a nearly invisible
line drawn between them and the tourist haunts, and Harry had nearly wandered
that far.
He finished his drink and paid the tab, descending the sun warmed stairs in his
sandals and shorts. He looked the part, he knew he did, to be wandering the
beach and fitting in with the others on holiday even though he was still
working on his tan. Harry let his eyes linger as he strolled, like he had been
doing ever since he'd ordered a drink and sat on the deck thirty minutes ago.
This had not been so rare for him once upon a time, but a vaguely familiar rush
came back to him as he wandered the sand. This was a different sort of hunt
than his missions often were, or at least it seemed so to him.
Different methods to the trade ran in different locations, but Harry's
attention lingered on the handful of young children selling cans of soda and
chewing gum he'd passed along the way.
They were selling more than the goods in their packs and small trolleys. Locals
knew it, and some tourists knew it as well, and yet the charade continued. The
oblivious purchased refreshments and were sometimes sized up as pickpocketing
marks for later, and then the youth continued, smiling and posing while
offering drinks and candy and other novelties while the rest of their services
were written between the lines.
Harry lingered a bit too long on their beach, and the children began to
approach him as a possible mark. "Perdoname, senor. Refrescos? Quiere
refrescos?"
Harry turned and smiled, pretending he didn't understand the Spanish. He'd
found a smooth patch of sand to sit on, and that was all it had taken. There
was one boy in the group Harry had been eyeing while he was up at the cantina.
Dark hair full of curls that hung in his eyes, but only just. Small body and a
beautiful face. Merlin had insisted Harry wear the glasses while he went out,
the feed back to Kingsman disabled of course, and Harry let his gaze travel up
this boy from bare toes to his soft brown eyes.
"Soda?" Harry asked, keeping the boy's eyes locked with his while he pulled out
his wallet. He opened it and flipped through the bills inside, letting the boy
see that there was plenty while Harry paused as though thinking. He glanced
down and looked back up at the boy again with a curve to his smile. "Actually,
I'll take the whole pack you have there, but I'd need someone to help carry it
back to my hotel room. Would you mind terribly?"
The boy's eyes widened and he shook his head, gracing Harry with a smile. Harry
knew it was practiced. All the children on the beach were experienced at
pulling customers. Some places kept all of their wares inside, but other pimps
sent their charges to go out seeking customers, turning a profit on concessions
on the side. "Not at all. That will be fine, senor. Is the room very far?" The
boy bit his lower lip, sizing up Harry in a way he knew the older man would
notice. "So many, just for you?"
"I have a sweet tooth." Harry's smile widened. It had helped that he'd placed
himself on the ground, allowing the boys to approach him without towering over
them. The others scampered away to look for more opportunities as Harry climbed
to his feet and dusted off his shorts. He adopted his most amiable demeanour
and sure enough the young boy looked well enough at ease even though he had to
look up at Harry now.
"I was thinking of checking into the hotel up the walk there," Harry nodded a
ways up the shore. He couldn't very well kick Merlin out of the suite they had
checked into days prior and he didn't want to cross an outing like this with
any place he’d previously paid with a credit card regardless. Not to mention
the staff there would be more keenly suspicious if Harry showed up with a young
boy who hadn't been with them when they'd checked in. "Is that a place you'd
recommend?" Harry asked as he led the boy along, ushering him with a hand and
watching for any signs that he was nervous.
"Yeah, that one is pretty good. Lots of visitors go there, say they're happy
with it. Nice beds, nice service." The boy kept glancing in Harry's direction.
He wasn't nervous, but it was obvious he knew what to expect. He spent more
time looking at Harry's face and groin than he did at the walkway in front of
them. Boys who didn't have a good feel for the temperament and relative size of
their customers likely didn't last very long. "Is this your first time
visiting? I can give some suggestions, if you would like."
"It's been a long time," Harry admitted as they walked up the beach, and he
wasn't just talking about Belize. Not many people they passed gave them a
second glance, but Harry wouldn't have cared regardless. He could feel a
familiar coil of desire settling into his stomach as they went, as the boy
stayed close to him and allowed Harry's arm to brush his shoulder. He could see
the hotel at the end of the street, much smaller than the one he was really
lodging in. "Unfortunately I won't be staying long after today. Thought I'd
make the most of it while I could." Harry smiled down and the boy smiled up. He
wasn't sure why he didn't feel like inviting other suggestions the boy had for
things to do. It would have made for good conversation and it was clear this
boy knew very well what Harry was interested in. "I'm Henry, by the way. What's
your name?" Harry asked.
"Fernando, but lots of people just call me 'nando," the boy shrugged. It was
clear that he didn't much care what clients called him, so long as they behaved
themselves and he got paid. The boy's rates were likely to be far more than he
could earn at any other job in the area - enough to help provide for his
family, or save up to strike out on his own. That was, if his pimp didn't take
the lion's share of his earnings. "Don't matter that you won't be staying long.
I'm sure I can help find a way to make things very memorable for you."
Harry ducked his head and smiled. The motion even got Nando to smile back at
him with confidence, one Harry thought might have been a little more real than
the boy's easygoing smiles when he'd stepped up to Harry on the beach. For a
moment there, Nando's teasing words had reminded Harry of someone else. Someone
he was supposed to be not thinking about right then. It made his stomach flip
uncomfortably, but it didn't quite overcome the eagerness in his groin either.
When they reached the hotel, Nando waited patiently and quietly behind Harry as
he paid for a room. Harry was inclined to give the boy a few quarters for the
gum ball machines in the corner, and watching Nando delight in filling his
pockets was a soothing balm.
The boy didn't put any in his mouth right off. They both knew that his mouth
would be full enough soon, and not with candy. They climbed the stairs, Nando
walking in front of Harry in a concerted effort to tease him. It worked, but
for how Harry remembered another figure walking up to a bedroom in front of
him. Eggsy had done the same, delighting in winding Harry up before they'd even
reached the bedroom. Harry felt a stab of pain as those memories merged with
his current environment, overlaying the local boy's frame and features with
Eggsy's own.
It made Harry feel hot and cold all at once, but he let his hand drift down
Nando's back while they were in the hall alone. The boy's bare shoulders were
still hot from the sun and his skin was so familiarly soft. Harry was rewarded
with dark eyes flashing up at him above the curve of a small smile while he
unlocked the door and let the boy inside.
The room was small but the bed looked comfortable. In the corner was an ice box
next to a desk and a lamp. Nando barely looked around as Harry shut the door
behind them and turned the lock. Harry let the slowly building desire spread
through him as he turned to look at the boy who waited patiently for Harry's
lead. Harry pushed off the door, moving slowly into the boy's space and bent
down. Nando raised his head as though he expected Harry was going in for a
kiss, perhaps on the cheek or his temple, but Harry stopped just before he
completed the motion and ran his hand down Nando's arm to take the six pack of
soda out of his hand. Harry felt a pang of fondness warring with how familiar,
and unfamiliar, this all felt as Nando huffed at Harry doing something
unexpected.
Harry straightened and went to put the pack in the refrigerator before he
turned again and sat down on the edge of the bed. He held out one hand and
tried to promise with his eyes that he wouldn't tease Nando again. "Come here."
The boy sidled closer and sat on the bed next to him, hoping that it would
tease Harry when he didn't immediately sit on his lap. "No refreshments yet?
You put everything in the fridge," he pointed out, smiling amiably when Harry
looked back at him. "Or are you wanting something different? Anything you want,
senor, I know how to provide. You just have to ask."
"I believe you," Harry said and then thought about it for a minute. He had
condoms and lube in his pocket. He had wanted this. The boy beside him was
beautiful and Harry's cock was already hard in his shorts. He was fairly sure
that Nando could already tell. "Why don't we take this slow," Harry heard
himself say. It wasn't for Nando's sake, although the boy would probably
appreciate the kindness and Harry wouldn't have tried to make it otherwise.
"Sit on my lap," he requested and drew Nando closer with a guiding hand.
Nando went without hesitation, draping himself across Harry's lap and twisting
so he could look up at the older man with a smile. It all seemed effortless,
and yet Harry knew that it wasn't. Eggsy had done similar in his own awkward
way, yet no less enthusiastic. He'd spent more time looking down, keeping his
balance and concentrating on the sensation of his hips griding back against
Harry. In contrast, Nando had done this many times before. He no longer needed
a visual check, or to be careful about his balance. He knew just how to sit and
where to press, and he could do so while glancing back at Harry with a smile
all the while. "How slow do you want?"
Harry drew his hands up the boy's back, folding the small body in his arms and
making sure the boy was comfortable. He was sure that Nando could feel now that
Harry was hard. There was no mistaking the way the boy shifted ever so slightly
back and forth to apply pressure over his cock. Harry could even feel it slide
between the boy's cheeks through their clothes. Harry exhaled heavily through
his nose and Nando's slender arms wound around his neck. This was what Harry
had wanted again, and yet.... Harry bent to the boy's ear and whispered, "Very
slow."
The boy nodded, and it was calculated. Time was money, and Harry would have to
pay well for him to be worth the additional time. A slow client meant less time
out on the beaches, fishing for another mark who would pay well for
satisfaction. Nando shifted his hips and ground into Harry at a steady pace,
teasing and more than ready for Harry to take things further. He pressed
questioning lips against Harry's neck, knowing that some clients liked a bit of
tenderness with sex instead of jumping right to fucking.
Harry lifted his chin for him and ran his hand up through Nando's hair. It was
longer than Eggsy's had been. The press of his lips was different, too. Harry
really didn't want to be comparing them--he hadn't come here looking for a
stand-in for Eggsy--but he couldn't stop it. He let one of his hands drift down
Nando's back and turned his face into the boy's hair. Nando smelled like sand
and sun and very different from the way Eggsy had smelled and it was...not
right.
Slowly, Harry began to realise this wasn't what he wanted. He could get off
with this boy. The way Nando was rubbing himself over Harry's cock was
extremely stimulating and his small body was perfect....but it was all
reminding Harry of the boy he still missed terribly.
With a soft sigh, Harry turned them and let himself lay back on the bed,
bringing Nando along with him, but next to him rather than on top or underneath
him. The boy's legs were still wrapped around Harry's waist, and Harry was
still straining against his shorts, but he didn't try to move closer. Harry
raised his hand to the boy's cheek and stroked his thumb there, apologising.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly, "I think this will be enough. There is...," Harry
searched for the words and found he didn't have to censor himself in this
situation. "There is someone I miss very much."
Nando's brow furrowed in confusion. He wasn't used to being turned down once he
got to this stage. He wasn't certain what this meant, either, for the rates he
might get out of Harry. "Another boy? Maybe I can take your mind off of him.
Anything they can do, I can do just as well, if not better." One small hand
reached up to cup Harry's jawline, and the other smoothed down his shirt front
and slid fingertips beneath his waistband. "Maybe your heart will ache a bit
less if you get a bit of relief, no?"
Harry laughed and smiled softly. The boy's tenacity did lighten his heart. He
knew that Nando could see that he liked it, too, but Harry slid his hand over
the boy's wrist before it got any farther. "I'll pay you for the night. The
whole night," Harry reassured him. He didn't want the boy to worry. It wouldn't
hurt his wallet any and Harry figured that coming here and listening to him
pine about a long lost love was worth plenty anyway. When Harry saw that Nando
was still looking at him curiously, he nodded. "He was another boy, yes. Just a
little older than you now, I believe."
Nando nodded without understanding. He had no way of knowing if this tourist
meant another boy like him, or one in a foreign country - where they weren't
allowed to do what he did. The boy was too cautious to ask any more questions
about the one he was supposed to replace. Harry would only resent him for hurt
feelings, and might reconsider his generous offer of paying for the whole
night. "Are you sure?"
Harry gave him a smile and tried to be reassuring. "I'm sure. And I mean it.
You've done nothing wrong, nothing at all." He cupped his hand over the back of
the boy's head and kissed his forehead. It was an overly comforting gesture,
but Harry could see that Nando needed the reassurance. "And thank you for
allowing me the indulgence of this much." Harry brushed his fingers over the
boy's temple, moving dark curls away from his eyes, and remembered how much
he'd loved doing that for Eggsy, skin so soft to his touch....
Harry must have gotten lost for a moment because he noticed Nando watching him
curiously. He broke himself out of it with a sigh and a smile before he sat up
again. "Have a soda if you'd like," Harry entreated as he pulled out his wallet
and decided to give the boy a bit of extra besides.
Nando wasn't any less confused, but he eagerly accepted a soda from the room's
small refrigerator, and the extra fee besides. Harry was generous enough that
the boy wouldn't have to take another client for that day, at the very least.
Nando paused in the doorway after Harry handed him the money, but when Harry
shook his head in dismissal once more, Nando shrugged and left.
"Not the right sort to catch your fancy?" Merlin's voice was quiet near Harry's
ear. He'd nearly forgotten that he had the glasses' feed turned on.
If it had been any other voice, he'd have jumped out of his skin, or more
likely onto his feet and ready for a fight. There was something about Merlin's
voice, however, that had embedded itself into Harry's subconscious and
prevented him associating it with a threat even before he rationally understood
what was happening. Long years in the field with no one but Merlin in his ear
was what did it, Harry was sure. He gave a deep sigh and flopped back on the
bed. Then rolled over. Then sat up again.
Harry rubbed his hands over his face and groaned in frustration. "No. This
should have been right. But it just. Wasn't...." Eggsy. Harry didn't have to
say. He stood and gathered his things, half his blood still running hot and the
other half cold.
"I would have thought that would be a relief. You're not out to replace him,
after all. The whole point of the vacation was to get some relief and a bit of
a distraction," Merlin pointed out. Harry was already hurrying down the hallway
towards the exit. Heat struck him the moment he was out the door. It was still
relatively early in the day, and the sun was baking the streets and beaches
alike.
"I know," Harry groaned, keeping his voice down as he walked. "Rationally, I
know that. But I still.... I just...." He didn't know how much more frustrated
with himself he could be, and whether he was more frustrated about not being
able to stop thinking about Eggsy or about getting himself so worked up and
then leaving his body hanging like this. "This is driving me mad," Harry
concluded as he passed the beach, ignoring it for the path along the street
back to his hotel. He didn't want to linger there any longer.
"Wanting the boy, or wanting to stop thinking about him?" Merlin sounded just
as frustrated. Harry knew that some of that was out of legitimate concern,
which was rare for the man, and some was out of annoyance. Harry didn't have
anyone else to talk to regarding his grief and thoughts about Eggsy, and so
Merlin had heard quite a lot the past few months. "You should have given him a
try. There's no need to feel guilty over a little indulgence."
Harry stewed all the way to the beach front luxury hotel. It was quite a
difference walking into the lobby as compared to the last one, with its white
marble floors and an overly attentive concierge who Harry brushed by with only
a short greeting. Standing in the lift with two bored looking snorkelers was a
strain on his patience, but he found it was little relief even when he finally
stepped onto his own floor and made for their suite. Harry doubted Merlin was
still watching his feed now that the good bits were over, but he equally
doubted that he would surprise the other man by coming back early.
Merlin barely looked up from his laptop when Harry entered their suite. He was
sprawled out on the sofa in the den shared by both bedrooms, wasting the
opportunity to catch the sun on the balcony. "I don't know what you were
expecting to find, coming back here. Unless you wanted to try one of the proper
brothels instead of whatever you can hook along the shoreline."
Harry sat down at the nearby table and scowled. "I feel fucking ridiculous."
Merlin did have a point. He could venture off to a brothel and not have to
worry about anything but business, but that also wasn't the issue. "I should
have had no problem back there. I wanted it." But he'd wanted Eggsy more. Harry
stood and went for the drinks cabinet, trying to will away what pent up energy
he was left with. The only times he hadn't been thinking about Eggsy were the
few missions he'd had to bed someone as part of the objective, but he didn't
care to count those and he doubted Merlin would either.
"You wanted it until you let your thoughts get in the way," Merlin pointed out.
His eyes followed Harry's progress across the room to the little bar. "You're
limiting yourself. You need to find a healthy outlet. You're going to drive
yourself mad, and me with you, and possibly any rescue and extraction team that
has to rush out to pick the two of us up when you get even more reckless and
distracted than you have been."
Harry picked through the bottles and Merlin eyed the labels with scepticism.
"I'll have whatever you're having, if you please, although I'm sure I'll regret
it."
Harry laughed and shook his head, but pulled out a second glass anyway and
brought them to the coffee table beside Merlin. Harry pulled up an armchair
beside him and poured the drinks. "Sorry to spoil your fun," Harry remarked
before he sat back, legs sprawled out in front of him and still uncomfortably
half hard. Merlin didn't look any happier, and Harry noticed that the laptop
was placed, conveniently, directly over his lap. "I really am ruining this for
you, aren't I?" Harry mumbled into his glass.
"Quite," the other man muttered. He took a sip from his glass and pulled a
face, then decided that a need for alcohol currently outweighed disdain for the
taste. He glanced at Harry, taking in his state and posture and saying nothing.
Merlin had already seen all of Harry that there was to see, and Harry had seen
him at the tail end of their special projects, which was close enough. Both men
were past the point of awkwardness in their friendship. "You've been
distracted, which hasn't exactly been optimal for my own... hobbies. I've grown
used to your assistance."
Harry hummed and thought about that. He took a swig of his own glass. He'd
begun to realise over quite a few months now how much Merlin really had been
watching his recordings with Eggsy. The lack of new material forced Merlin to
focus on his own projects to make up for the loss. And then there was this
mission. This holiday, Harry would almost rather call it. It had been Merlin's
doing, but Harry had begun to realise something since they'd arrived and
completed their actual work. Something that had been obvious since Merlin
admitted to keeping the recordings from Harry's home, but was only now coming
into a more...active role. One that involved Merlin insisting that Harry go out
and take his glasses with him.
Harry leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees, glass in both hands
before he set it down on the coffee table and looked at Merlin. "That boy
reminded me too much of him." Obvious, Harry knew, but he waited to see if
Merlin would read anything more into the statement.
Merlin raised one eyebrow. The expression was enough to silence trainees and
make some of their colleagues back off, but it no longer held any particular
weight for Harry and hadn't for some time. They'd been partners for too long.
"So? I would think that there should be plenty to choose from. Simply find one
that's different enough that you can satisfy things without triggering memories
you'd rather not deal with. Unless you're telling me that you're now wholly
incapacitated, because every boy now looks the same."
"Well, I could go out and try all day." Harry himself couldn't rightly say he
knew the answer to that question. "But you're frustrated, and I'm frustrated. I
know how keen you are to see me atop some pretty young boy again. ...and I know
for a fact that you don't remind me of him." Harry was normally far better at
putting his offers into words, but this was also Merlin, who saw through every
pretty word Harry ever had anyway. And it wasn't like Harry hadn't thought
about it. It had just never been a good idea at the time.
Harry had never seen Merlin shocked before. Not even when Lee had died in front
of them, taken out by a grenade that had made it past a security pat down. His
friend's eyes were always moving, always calculating, and Harry was able to
pinpoint the exact moment the man's thoughts stopped. There was almost a
fearful quality about him, much like that time they'd sparred together, when a
touch on the cheek was able to turn Merlin from smugly victorious to a fox
frozen in the headlights, staring down an oncoming vehicle. "I... didn't think
you the type. Excluding missions, your preferences seemed very clear."
Harry inclined his head. There was no denying that. "True. I'm not proposing
this turn into a regular occurrence of any sort, just a...way to work off a
little steam. I'm fonder of you than most and, well, I can see you fighting
with yourself while looking at me on occasion." Harry kept his arms on his
knees and hands folded together where Merlin could see them, willing himself
not to move until he saw Merlin was actually thinking about it. He was fairly
sure that anything too fast would put the other man right off.
Merlin was thinking about it. Harry found himself at the apex of the man's
focus. Had it been anyone else, Merlin likely would have blown them off as
joking, but he knew Harry wouldn't have offered if he wasn't serious.
"I haven't... tried things before, you understand." Merlin was more soft-spoken
than usual, but the rigid set of his spine and shoulders was defensive, daring
Harry to make a comment about the admission. "I'm usually not interested. I
don't know how much of an exception you might be. It's a difficult thing to
explain to someone who doesn't experience such a different state of...
normalcy, although I would guess that you are in the unique position to
understand to some degree."
Harry let a small smile grace his features. "No harm in that. If there is one
area of experience I do have, it's being someone's first." He was sure Merlin
would have rolled his eyes at the cheek if he hadn't still been in such a state
of uncertainty. It wasn't that Harry was confident of his seductive abilities
in this area, with Merlin especially, it was just that it was something he was
somewhat used to.
Harry watched as Merlin thought about it for a minute, and then stood to place
himself at the edge of the sofa near Merlin's knee. He moved slowly as he went
and didn't try to move the laptop out of the way.
Merlin set the laptop aside by his own choice, affecting a sense of curiosity
and studiousness as a poor cover for the terror Harry could sense underneath.
Merlin was the sort to whom boundaries meant safety and control. It had taken a
great deal of effort for Harry to get behind the emotional and social walls the
man put up, and this had the additional difficulty of being unknown territory.
"Here?" Merlin spared a glance towards the balcony. No one was watching, but
security habits died hard.
Harry's mouth curved to see it, and he felt a little more comfortable giving
advice. "Unless you'd rather move to the bedroom." Harry suspected not. In
fact, he suspected this would be a clothes mostly on sort of affair with how
exposed Merlin already felt. They were up high enough that the view out the
balcony consisted mostly of sky and ocean. No one looking up from the beach
below would be able to see them unless that person was a great ways out with a
good pair of binoculars.
Harry considered for a long moment whether he should initiate touch. He could,
easily, move his hand to Merlin's side or his leg, somewhere unobtrusive but
still intimate for the fact of the intention behind it, but he decided it would
be better to let Merlin take that first step. Harry turned his hand over, palm
up, to make the offer. He could guide after if it was accepted.
Merlin hesitated, considering the gesture and, finally, placed his own hand
atop Harry's palm. Merlin's fingers were more calloused than one might have
expected had one not known he trained personnel besides his normal functions in
technological support. Harry recognized the same ridges he had from weapons
training and faint scars from field work.
Merlin had touched Harry before, but it was another thing entirely for touches
to consist of closed fists, wrestling grapples, or the bits of camaraderie that
came up between agents and their handlers. Merlin's fingers traced across
Harry's wrist. After a moment his other hand came up and mirrored what Harry
had done to him before, settling right beside his cheekbone.
Harry softened his eyes. He didn't have to make himself look bashful or
altogether too soft, as he sometimes had to do for marks--Merlin would not
respond well to that--but he did make sure his posture wasn't threatening.
Harry closed his hand around Merlin's and used it to draw the man up into a
sitting position and also bring them closer. This was going to be slow, Harry
realised as Merlin searched his eyes with equal parts caution and curiosity,
but at least he wasn't thinking of Eggsy. Harry bent forward without touching,
unsure of whether Merlin would welcome or be put off if Harry attempted to kiss
him. Instead, he let his free hand glide over Merlin's neck. Touching the skin
there drew a breath from the other man's chest and so Harry continued, drawing
his hand down Merlin's collar, his sternum, his stomach.
So far, so good. Merlin didn't exactly look at ease, but neither was he
panicking or pulling away. It was only when it seemed like Harry's palm might
drift a little lower that Merlin caught his wrist and shook his head. "Just...
this, for now. I don't know what I can handle." Tolerate was more apt to be the
correct term, but no one cared to think that their partner was merely
tolerating them and what was being done.
Harry was going to have a time of figuring this out. The point, after all, was
to find some kind of relief together, but he still had a few ideas.
Harry shifted his hips a little closer on the sofa, but he brought his hand up
again, smoothing over the muscle under Merlin's clothes until he found open
skin again at the man's collar. Harry let his knees fall open and slowly
untangled his other hand from Merlin's grasp. He knew Merlin liked watching
him, albeit watching him with other partners. That may have meant Merlin
enjoyed the idea of being Harry or being an invisible fly on the wall more than
he necessarily enjoyed watching Harry alone, but Harry also suspected that had
gotten somewhat muddled in the man's mind somewhere down the line. Harry
watched Merlin watch him as he ran his own hand over his hip and down the
inseam of his shorts, the juncture where hip met thigh, and then, slowly,
palmed his own cock.
Harry guessed correctly. He had quite a bit of practice, after all, with the
various honeypot missions he'd had to take over the years. He knew how to read
small shifts in body language, flickers of expression and subconscious cues
like the widening of pupils. Those things could all be faked, given the right
tools and a few seconds to apply them, but not on demand while being watched.
Merlin was caught between two stimuli - the unfamiliar sensation of being
touched and watching Harry touch himself. Merlin leaned slightly into Harry's
fingers against his neck at the exhibitionism, and not entirely consciously.
The hint of Harry's smile was back and he allowed himself to breathe deeply.
This was going to be a bit of a show, apparently. Harry wasn't sure he minded
that much as it was already strange seeing Merlin in this kind of light. Not
bad, just...different. It made him wonder how far he could take it.
Harry wrapped his fingers around the back of Merlin's neck and stroked his
thumb down the pulse point. He thought about sliding his hand into his shorts,
but suspected Merlin would rather see his fingers as they moved, so with one
hand he unbuttoned his flies and wrapped his hand around the muscle underneath
with only a thin layer of cotton left in between.
Merlin sucked in a breath and tensed. Harry got the sense of a thwarted
movement towards him, rather than away - attraction tempered by restraint,
caution, and long-ingrained avoidance. Some of Harry's intuition proved correct
when Merlin glanced up and met his eyes, then quickly glanced away. There was
no need for embarrassment or self-consciousness, but Harry was used to such
things from many years of adopting personas and putting himself out on display
on missions without it meaning anything or touching him in any real sense.
Merlin was used to watching while unobserved, safe behind a camera lens or a
microphone pickup.
That gave Harry another idea. He glanced down, found Merlin's hand, the one
that had nearly moved, and without looking up, Harry guided it to his thigh. He
ran Merlin's fingers up the muscle, just a few short inches really, but enough
to say that he was welcome to touch. Harry brushed his hand over the other
man's arm before he let go. He was still leaning half bent into Merlin's space,
but he didn't dare move any farther yet. Just a little more confidence from the
other man and he might.
Hunger was there, and slow to build. It took some time before Merlin's hand
started to move, touching without ever truly crossing the line from sensual to
sexual. He'd seen all the skin underneath the fine cotton, and he followed the
silhouette from toned leg to the very slight dip at Harry's waist before he
paused. Harry made no sign that he was unwelcome, and Merlin certainly had some
notion of what was normally done after years of watching others, but he still
turned questioning eyes towards Harry. Another heartbeat passed and he must
have steeled himself; Merlin leaned in closer and their lips touched in what
Harry might have described as innocent had he no experience with untried boys.
Had he not, as well, watched that same mouth curve in pleasure upon the
witnessing of tragedies and atrocities.
Harry smiled into the kiss, pleased at Merlin's reaction. For once he was glad
that Merlin was not his usual type. Harry's role as guide was familiar, and yet
not too familiar. He tilted his head up, pressed a little closer, and tried to
feel for Merlin's limit. The man was tense, but he opened his mouth when Harry
did, and Harry felt another aborted movement. He trailed the tip of his tongue
against Merlin's lower lip, letting his free hand slide against Merlin's side,
and shifted up on the couch.
Merlin frowned a little throughout. They weren't at his limit yet, although
Harry could tell that the man was having uncertain thoughts about whether or
not he cared for tongue - or perhaps kisses in general. It was difficult to
tell. Harry kept the kisses relatively chaste by his usual standards
thereafter, coaxing by touch and repositioning until they were closer yet. For
a moment or two they were pressed together, and the promise of friction that
wasn't Harry's own hand was a relief. Merlin even lost himself and drew Harry
closer.
Closer, but not without panicking once Harry began to move. After a few seconds
Merlin grabbed Harry's hip in warning. "...stop. I don't... I don't think I can
do this."
What came out of Harry was meant to be words, but instead it was a groan. He
did, however, stop. And found Merlin staring back at him with tension in his
features. Harry could feel it in his body now, too. Harry had slotted up next
to him on the sofa, which really wasn't built for two men of their height, but
at least he wasn't pinning Merlin down. Still, Merlin didn't look like he was
going to move.
Harry flopped his head down on the cushion. "Too much?"
"Yes, and not exactly." Merlin looked just as frustrated as Harry felt, but
afraid besides. Afraid of what was difficult to tell without more information,
but Harry could venture a guess. He'd had some concerns that crossing lines
might affect their friendship. "I don't think I can. The idea of physical
closeness, in the vague and general sense, is attractive. Too close and
involved seems to be very... offputting."
Harry groaned into the cushion, only somewhat muffling the sound. He was hard,
and pent up after being so now twice in the same span of a few hours. He was
plainly not ready to go out and try again, and Merlin was not helping here.
Then again, Merlin would probably say the same to him. Finally Harry gave a
long sigh and nodded, "Right. Right...," just so Merlin wouldn't think Harry
was angry with him.
This had perhaps not been the best idea, now that Harry reflected back on it.
There had always been a certain interest in Merlin's eyes and a certain kind of
energy between them since they started sparring occasionally, but Harry had
thought back then that more was probably not an option.
"It's not your fault. You weren't reading things wrong," Merlin clarified with
cautious reluctance. "I am interested, but not in the same capacity you need.
On multiple levels, as it's perfectly obvious that I don't fall within your
usual range. Normally no one falls within mine in any respect, and I thought
you might be the exception in more than one way."
Merlin sighed. Harry wasn't pinning him down, but they were still tangled close
together. It would have been perfect had sex not factored into the equation, or
the vague sense of claustrophobia and violation at having his personal space
intruded upon when he was so used to solitary existence. "Do tell me if you
change your mind and don't care how Eggsy ends up on your doorstep again. I'm
tempted to manufacture such an outcome if it will bring us both relief from
this."
Harry smothered another whine into the sofa. The offer, right now, was more
than tempting. Thinking about Eggsy was...there was less guilt and general
unhappiness involved when it was Merlin next to him and not another small boy
Harry could wrap his arms around to forget about everything else. He couldn't
forget about everything else. His shoulders dropped when he knew there was
still no chance he could let Merlin go through with what he was proposing.
Harry lifted his head and untangled their legs, stretching out a little and
giving Merlin a little more space if not much.
"You know how much I'd love to say yes." Harry could tell the small smile on
his face wasn't very convincing. It didn't need to be said that Harry wouldn't,
so he sighed and lifted himself up. "Shall I break out more whisky, then?"
Merlin caught Harry before he had moved too far. A rare flicker of affection
lit up his face, and after a moment of savouring the contact he let Harry go.
"If it's to be a day of frustration, I see no reason for it not to be the
drunken sort. I'm Scottish, after all." Harry crossed the room to retrieve a
bottle and a clean pair of tumblers, and Merlin admired the view. He hadn't
expected Harry to pressure him or make disparaging comments, but it was still a
relief not to have to deal with any more hurt or disappointment that evening.
Harry came back and set Merlin's glass down on the table before he lifted the
man's feet out of the way and forced him to budge over on the sofa so Harry
could sit down as well. He had worried, briefly, that if their encounter didn't
go well, or even if it did, that personal space would be changed between them,
but Harry didn't feel much different at all. And certainly not as though he had
to refrain from his usual casual touches.
"I'll toast to that." Harry's sprawl was back as he took his first long sip. He
wasn't much improved from when he'd arrived as far as the state of his shorts
went, but he could at least say that he felt calmer. If only for the fact that
he'd given up trying to find relief.
"Why can't you? If I may ask, since we seem to be progressively doing away with
all manner of propriety and privacy." Merlin drained his own glass much
quicker. Harry himself could be considered something of a lush, so either
Merlin had equivalent tolerance, or the man was in a hurry to reach
inebriation. Perhaps both, given the recent testing of boundaries and the
failures of such. "He'll never know. You refuse to go retrieve him, or let
anyone else drive him back towards you. You know as well as I do what sort of
life he's heading towards, and that's if he survives."
"I'd know. Even if he didn't, I'd hear him in my head telling me exactly how
I've betrayed him, again. And I think on some level he would know, even if he'd
never be able to prove it." Harry frowned at his glass before he, too, emptied
it and went for another. "I won't let him die out there. If it comes to that.
But I can't bring him back to me either." They both knew well that Harry did
not have power over life and death, even as good as he was, and someday Eggsy's
relatively simple job would be replaced with one more dangerous if he didn't
get out before he got older. Harry had been dismayed when Eggsy chose not to go
back to Andrew's place, and he wished he could say he didn't suspect it had
more to do with Eggsy's sense of self worth and ingrained paranoia than the
actual likelihood of Harry breaking his word.
"What if you didn't know?" Harry shot him a look, and Merlin raised a hand and
shrugged in acquiescence. "I'm just trying to suss out whether your objection
is due to the guilt you'd feel, or worries that Eggsy wouldn't trust you again,
or both. You care about ethics and truth a great deal more now than when things
started."
Merlin held his glass out for a refill to match Harry's and Harry obliged. "I
worry, you know. You haven't really recovered. No one can live in mourning
forever."
"I have a feeling it'll be some time before that happens," Harry admitted
before he set the bottle back on the table and leaned back into the sofa. "You
know what they say about 'the one who got away'." Harry smiled ruefully. "Maybe
I could have handled this ethical business better if I'd lost him differently."
Harry's ethics hadn't since improved in any other area, but Eggsy was now
rather firmly off limits in his mind. He at least had been watching Eggsy's
surveillance less over the past month or so. Not anywhere near the level of
stopping, but...it had allowed Harry some peace. Peace enough for Merlin to
take him away to Belize. Even look forward to it. "I can forget, sometimes,
that he's gone. But whenever I remember, it's still a bit of a shock. Like a
sudden drop. I don't want to believe it. ...but I think I'm starting to. That
feeling is happening less these days."
"Not exactly a pleasant thought, but have you considered moving? Memories
sometimes are harder when you stay in the same place that reminds you of loss.
You might feel better if you had a new environment to go with this new segment
of your life," Merlin suggested. "It wouldn't be as if Eggsy couldn't find you
again, should he come to his senses. I'm still keeping an eye on him to make
sure he doesn't get into too much trouble."
Harry shook his head. "I like my house. I like the location. ...and yes, I do
have to admit I like the thought that I might leave the light on one night and
find him at my doorstep, wanting to come home. That dream might diminish if I
moved, but I doubt it would clear my mind."
There was still the matter of surveillance, Harry knew. Months ago, Merlin had
asked him to give it up. Harry had needed more time then, but more time had
passed. His mouth thinned as he thought about it and he took another drink to
forestall the moment when he knew he'd have to speak.
"I have been thinking, as of late, about handing surveillance solely over to
you," Harry admitted, quieter than he'd been before. He knew he'd have to do it
eventually. Either that or he'd have to stop feeling, to be able to watch Eggsy
and assess whether the boy was in real danger objectively. Without it twisting
a dull knife in his chest for once. Perhaps, Harry thought, this mission--his
failure at finding another boy, his failure with Merlin--was a sign that it was
time.
"You know I wouldn't neglect such trust." Reasons didn't need to be stated.
They both knew. Within the complicated dynamics of what was between them,
something more than friendship, neither of them were capable of the culminating
actions expected by society. Each had their own interests and limitations, but
Merlin could do this much. Watching over and guarding Eggsy was something Harry
desired and would appreciate, and something Merlin was willing and able to
perform. "I would let you know if there was anything of concern."
Harry closed his eyes and nodded. He took a deep sigh. "Thank you."
Looking out onto the balcony, the sun was high and the sky was cloudless. Harry
imagined he could hear the ocean like he could hear the occasional call of
gulls, but they were up too high. It was, however, a calming sensation to see
the horizon stretch so far over such a vast expanse of blue both above and
below. He'd like to take another walk down to the cantina before they left.
This time with no objective in mind. Just to enjoy the sun and the beach and
the sand and let it all sink into him.
Merlin watched Harry, only partially able to understand. He'd never had anyone
who counted as a real friend before - someone whose distress registered and
prompted a wish to help relieve it. Under normal circumstances, he'd be
observing Harry with a good deal of amusement and personal pleasure. Watching
Harry fade and descend into careless self-destruction in his grief had, for the
first time in Merlin's life, provided more distress than happiness. He was too
involved, too close. Had Harry wished it, Merlin would have arranged for Eggsy
to be dragged back bloody and screaming, if he knew it would make his friend
happy.
In spite of all that, Harry let his head fall against the back of the sofa and
gave Merlin a smile of gratitude. Harry poured their drinks again and they sat
in comfortable silence, breaking it on occasion to talk about inconsequential
things, or even occasionally veer back to Eggsy.
The heavy weight of the subject had lifted with the alcohol and perhaps with
the knowledge that slowly, as hard as Harry hung on, time was still passing.
Chapter End Notes
     For those of you who have waited so long in distress at all this
     angst, know that next week we begin (begin) the turning point. So
     hang in there and get ready for the ride.
     Also, come join us again this Saturday (3/19) for the Dark_Kingsman
     Block_Party!
***** Chapter 36 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Six months later saw Harry back at work with a kind of ruthless focus that was
a step above the norm, even for him. His reckless behaviour faded into
something more honed, but not any gentler. Unnerving though it may have been to
rarely see Galahad smile, unless he was sharing drinks with Merlin in one of
their unofficial meetings, he was still incredibly efficient. The other knights
did not comment on it other than to express dismay that he did not commonly
join them in their informal nights out. Harry did his best at keeping their
interest at bay, but he could tell they missed their quietly mischievous
Galahad.
As he'd promised Merlin, Harry had eventually given up the surveillance he'd
kept on Eggsy. Merlin watched dutifully and gave Harry updates every so often,
but more often than not there wasn't much to tell. Eggsy's routine changed only
rarely.
Harry began to enjoy the missions when he was sent on long trips away from the
country. He could wander and feel as though he was either searching for
something he would never find, or running from something he'd never be able to
let go. He'd had to casually joke with Arthur about sending his new charge to
boarding school once just to avoid more questions on whether he'd be ok with
the time off. That had put an end to it, fortunately. Harry knew Arthur didn't
really care how much time away from home the agents had to take--it was rarely
ever asked--but the man had felt like needling him.
As it was, his next mission wouldn't even be outside of London soil, but at
least it wasn’t expected to be a long one. Harry sat at his desk with a finger
of cognac and scrolled through the background information he was meant to
review. His alias had been chosen specifically for a band of international
weapons dealers who'd been coming onto British soil illegally and carrying
quite an arsenal with them. These dealers were enough of a threat, in fact,
that this mission was getting high priority. They had operated with impunity
across the boundaries of many countries for years, including ones not so
vulnerable to blackmail or bribery. The lack of action from the well-known
authorities in the international community suggested that the dealers, and
those they networked with, had operatives within law enforcement branches in
various countries. MI6 was suspected, and so the job had been passed on to
Kingsman by clients who wanted them found and removed from Britain as quickly
and quietly as possible, including any corrupted agents or officials who might
have covert ties to the group.
Given that they hadn't been in Britain for long, as far as Kingsman
reconnaissance could determine, neutralizing the group before they could truly
put down roots shouldn't prove too difficult. Dangerous, of course - no one had
an accurate idea about what kind of an arsenal the group was packing - but not
the sort of lesson in frustration some of the more well-established organized
crime rings could provide.
It meant that Harry was going to have to get in, spend some time assessing the
situation, and report back to Kingsman so that they could go in and take
dealers down without a fuss and without missing anything. Harry was to be given
a week to find out who was in charge and who needed to be taken out as well as
what kind of defences they had in place.
No better way to do so than to go in as a potential buyer--an independently
wealthy gentleman who wanted to get a foot in the weapons industry by pairing
it with his already sizeable investments in software. Namely, tracking and
navigational software that could vastly improve the capabilities of the large
scale weapons they were selling. Harry would barely have to remember any
technical lingo for the role, posing as a trust fund billionaire, but he made
sure he did regardless.
Getting a message to them was the main difficulty. Without having a strong
foothold in the country yet, it wasn't well-known on the street how to get in
contact. The dealers in question had been in the game for some time, and they
knew to be cautious when taking over new territory. They didn't want ambitious
cops sniffing around, or rival organizations, or no-name players who had no
real concrete assets to offer in return for an alliance. Kingsman had to hunt
to find the proper connections.
Once they did, Harry was on his own. The bait was taken; Merlin confirmed that
the shell accounts that had been set up under the name of one James Darby had
been subjected to digital inquiries, properties registered to him had been
visited, background checks run. Everything was in order enough that Darby was
interpreted as a real person, but not orderly enough to set off red flags about
a sting. All Harry had to do was wait for a messenger to make contact.
It wouldn't be long. Harry knew this through years of experience, but Merlin
came in to give him updates on the situation anyhow. It was appreciated just
for the company as Harry was an all work and no play sort of man these days.
Merlin perhaps was not in general a friendly face, but he was to Harry, and
Harry often cornered him into sharing a drink before he had to leave for his
office again.
The tolerance levels for alcohol at Kingsman would have been legendary if the
agency ever had the chance to boast about them. Harry could have justified it
by his ability to work in the field with a few drinks under his belt whenever
the cover was needed, but he'd never technically had to justify it to anyone.
At last, word arrived.
Harry was to rendezvous with the dealers at a discreet location in the northern
part of London - not a particularly well-off neighbourhood, but not the sort of
place Harry was expecting either. Perhaps that was the point. Police didn’t
have a lot of surveillance there.
He prepared with Merlin as usual, being fitted with the necessary
identification and cards. Harry wouldn't be carrying cash and they would not
expect him to be. His first visit was simply the introduction, and all
exchanges would be conducted electronically. All the better on Merlin's end.
They'd been set up for it, as their original reconnaissance team had made
contact through secure channels online and only through low level personnel
offline. Harry was to have two junior attendants, posing as his personal
security and PA, but they would not be accompanying him on follow up visits if
he could help it. The job wasn't priority enough to put another agent on it,
but Harry still did not like to risk the lives of junior members of their staff
and tech team even on an introduction meeting.
Everything was very routine. So much so that the drive over to the meeting
location blended with Harry’s memories of every similar drive in the past.
Traveling and waiting, talking and waiting, bursts of action and waiting. Spy
work drained so much time. Harry had once resented that, but since Eggsy had
gone, he was grateful to be occupied. Waiting for the next stage of a mission
meant he had something else to think about than waiting for Eggsy to come home.
The warehouse he was summoned to in north London was obviously a decoy location
for preliminary meetings. They all knew as much and Harry kept his glasses
moving around the area in search of any branding that would give Kingsman
connections to their real base of operations. The group was rather generically
named Belmont Industries, but there was no Mr. Belmont to speak of and they
seemed to operate under a different business name for each country they worked
in, allowing them to pass goods down the chain through a veil of bureaucracy
before those goods conveniently disappeared.
Harry waited for the woman posing as his PA to open his door before he stepped
out and looked around with his nose turned up in mild distaste. It was a
feigned expression, but not by much. The day was drab and the warehouse they
were ushered towards by two men in ill-fitting suits looked poorly kept.
Two figures, a man and a woman, waited for Harry and his retinue to lead them
inside the building. Only the woman looked out of place in a pencil skirt and
well-cut blazer that made her look like she was going to a board meeting. Her
companion looked much more suited to the warehouse with jeans and weathered
coat. He looked like the kind of person meant to intimidate. The coat was large
enough and loose enough to hide weaponry, and Harry made a note of it when his
eyes skimmed over the pair.
"'ey now. Look who actually showed up." The woman shot the guard an amused
look. "What's your name again, Mr...?"
"Mr. Darby, thank you." Harry raised his brows and pulled his face into an
openly unimpressed assessment of her introduction. "Do tell if I'm in the wrong
place, as I'd been hoping for a meeting with an executive from Belmont
Industries." He placed his umbrella before him and straightened his back. Harry
knew he was meant to have the upper hand here, initiating such a partnership.
Her lack of manners indicated a certain disdain for his type stemming from
either overconfidence or something more sinister and it sent a small flag up in
the back of his mind. At his sides, the two junior agents eyed the warehouse,
but kept their posture on point to their characters.
"That would be me," she replied with an easy inclination of her head. "Ms.
Fornwent, and pleased to be makin' your acquaintance. I thought my partners and
I were going to have a right difficult time finding appropriate patrons and
investors interested in us bringing our products and services across the
channel, but I'm pleased to see it was ill-founded. You're one of several who
expressed interest in meeting right after we began soliciting."
"Then I am equally please you've agreed to meet with me." Harry allowed himself
a small smile and a nod of the head, slipping into a more gentlemanly nature.
He turned to the woman at his right. "This is my assistant, Miss Everett and my
valet, Mr. Garner. I hope you don't mind us sketching up a preliminary outline
of the services that could be shared between our two companies during the
meeting? I know we're merely here for introductions and all, but I like to be
ahead of the competition you understand." Harry widened his smile and watched
her face carefully. He knew Mr. Darby would be getting anxious for better
surroundings soon, but he didn't want to push her yet.
"Of course. But really, how rude of me. Rick, go get some refreshments for our
guests, and the case, would you?" Fornwent smiled at her companion who promptly
left for one of the aisles of the warehouse. "Just because we're meeting in
such circumstances doesn't mean we have to be uncivilized. Partnership is about
profit, of course, but also about people who fit well with one another. I've
been charged not only with assessing what you have to offer, Mr. Darby, but how
you're offering it."
Harry nodded, finding her attempts at manners patronizing at best. "Well, as
you know, I have a very good investment in the development of remote tracking
and navigational software. Two years ago I'd partnered with the British
government for a...well, let's say a rather short term contract. They were
willing to pay only three quarters of what I had hoped, but the main issue was
bureaucratic restrictions on the various types of technology that they could be
used for. National security laws and such. It would have called for
redevelopment of nearly half our work. You can understand why I wasn't
impressed and...well, chose to seek better offers elsewhere."
Fornwent's man returned with a cart of tea and biscuits, an almost amusing
contrast to their environment.
Fornwent nodded and looked on approvingly as her retainer served her first,
then began passing out cups to their visitors. "As you should. No one should
have to settle. That's the beauty of the free market. Or it would be, if it
were a little less regulated. We tend to be... flexible in our business
associations. Sometimes all you need is the right connections. And speaking of
connections, how did we happen across your radar? I'm familiar with a number of
our other potential clients, but not with your background." Fornwent waited
until everyone had their tea and biscuits, then raised her cup to her lips.
Harry smiled into his tea and pretended to take a sip. "I have people in a few,
shall we say unrelated, areas of business. I am continuously surprised that
more of my peers don't branch out themselves." Harry inclined his head. "But I
am sure there all sorts of things one doesn't share with the public. If you're
interested, and I can see that you are or you'd not be meeting with me here
today, I'd like to hear more on what types of stock you'd be willing and able
to acquire. If this partnership works well, we'd be able to double the price
for anything you have to sell to other interested parties."
"Double? So generous, and so quickly. Most prospective partners try to low-ball
things a little and keep their costs and profit margins tucked up their
sleeves. Or elsewhere," Fornwent added, giving Mr. Darby a flirtatious smile.
"As for stock, we run the length and breadth of imagination. Top quality arms
and armour. Tactical goods. Prototypes not yet on the market, for the
adventurous. Some luxury consumer goods, for those interested in a bit on the
side. Mostly traditional and designer synthetics, although we've taken on
requests to traffic other sorts of goods from time to time."
Harry nodded along in approval as she spoke. "This will apply to your trade in
arms and tactical equipment, but if that is where the majority of your work is
done, as I believe it is, then I believe it's a good offer." Harry's demeanour
was genial and precise, but he refrained from flirting back. She could get away
with it in a setting like this, but it would not help him if he tried. And he
had no taste for it either, personally. He nodded to his assistant who had
jotted down a few notes in her planner during their conversation. "I'll have
Ms. Everett send you a more detailed list of the services our software could
offer, and then if you're still interested, perhaps we can look into your
commodities to work out a few test products." Harry set his tea next, still
full, to the plate of biscuits and refrained from taking any.
"Oh really, why not have a quick gander right now? Whoever you are. Y'see,
we're already acquainted with the Mr. Darby you're trying to impersonate. He's
an irritating little twit, and has never had interest in the weapons trade
business." Fornwent's face barely changed. She set down her own cup, still
amused and teasing. At a hand wave, there were a series of clicks as
suppressors muffled the sounds of firing, and both of Harry's junior agents
slumped forward. Harry spotted the glint of needles protruding from their necks
- some sort of dart.
Harry didn't waste time trying to stall. He grabbed the tea tray and whipped
its contents at Fornwent and her guard before he used it to shield his head.
Not a moment later he felt the impact of several darts against its metal and
knew he'd be dodging gunfire very soon if he didn't contain the situation.
Fornwent had stumbled back, but the man recovered quickly and barrelled towards
Harry. It was easy enough to take him down, spinning out of his way and landing
a heavy kick to the back of his head, but it gave the woman enough time to take
off towards the lowly lit interior of the warehouse, somewhere between the
great rows of shelves.
Harry sprinted after her. "Merlin, I need an extraction, now." There was a
reason he disliked bringing junior agents into the field and this was it. They
were down and he couldn't leave them there to escape himself. Carrying them out
would take far too much time. There were snipers on the roof shooting between
the small windows and his only course of action was to secure Fornwent and use
her as leverage in a standoff.
Harry concentrated on the echo of footfalls while he ducked between the rows.
He'd seen where Fornwent had entered, but she was out of sight now, and she
wasn't the only one nearby. Too many footfalls for just one running body, and
heavier than the shark click of stilettos. Harry ducked and weaved, keeping an
eye out for something he could improvise as a weapon before he caught up with
his target.
He'd just caught sight of her again and began closing the distance when there
was a flicker of movement at the edge of his vision. Harry felt a sharp sting
in the side of his neck just before he turned and raised the tray again.
"Shit," was the last thing Merlin heard him say before his eyes closed. Harry
didn't feel the landing, but he thought vaguely that it was going to hurt
running at full speed with his legs giving out from under him. He'd probably
barrelled right into one of the shelves, but he'd never know for sure.
When Harry opened his eyes again, the first thing he noticed was the change in
scenery. He was in a room, what might have been an office at some point in its
life, but the walls were cracked and peeling and the light was going out. The
second thing he noticed was that his glasses were gone, and so were most of his
clothes. Harry grimaced as he took stock of his situation. His hands were
cuffed behind him to a heating vent in the wall, his body was sore, and he was
in his socks, shirt, and shorts.
The room was rather bare. Most of the furniture had been taken away or moved to
one side of the room, well out of reach. From the slight stains on the floor,
it was probable the room was used for interrogation. On the positive side,
there were worse sights to wake up to, but capture hadn't been on Harry's list
for the day and he had no idea if the junior agents had ended up in this
predicament with him.
He took a moment to school himself into the right mental state, which involved
anticipating what was to come. They had known he wasn't Darby, but they did not
know who he was. Since they'd taken his clothes, they'd very likely figured out
he had more tech on him than an ordinary member of the Met police could ever
hope to use, and would be very curious to find out who he was and who he worked
for. Harry saw interrogation in his near future, but probably not an execution.
Not right away at least.
He tested the cuffs against the strength of the heating vent and found it to be
unfortunately quite secure.
Footsteps sounded in the outside corridor, drawing closer by the second. Far
too many. Sure enough, the door opened and several people filtered into the
room. All of them had a look about them that spoke of experience. The men in
the warehouse had been guards; these people were enforcers or interrogators. Or
both.
"A man shows up to a meeting, pretending to be a prospective client." A shorter
blond man strode out from among the group, hands clasped behind his back. His
smile was meant to intimidate, but Harry had seen the tactic too many times in
his life for him to find it impressive or effective. "Pretending to be someone
we already know. You are not one James Darby, entrepreneur. You aren't a
policeman either. London cops don't have the budget for the gear you were
packing. Who are you, then? Someone sent to scope us out? Government?"
Harry cocked his head and put on a mildly pleasant expression, but not a smile.
"I'm afraid you'll have a time of figuring that out." He knew how this went. He
knew he wouldn't be talking for long. Might as well get out whatever snark he
had in him before he focussed on dissociation. Harry knew how to talk without
saying anything, but more importantly, he knew how to keep quiet. It had been a
long time since he'd been tested in this manner, but was something one didn't
forget. He raised a brow at the blond scowling at him, and awaited his fate.
"I'm sure we will. Fortunately, time is something we have quite a lot of." The
man shoved his hands into his pockets and raised his chin. Two of his enforcers
moved out in a flanking tactic that would have unnerved a rookie, but Harry had
seen it all before. He could have described the series of actions before it
happened, one enforcer jerking his head back by his hair, the other throwing a
punch. Tethered as he was, there was only so far he could twist to try to
minimize the damage.
"Come now. I'm sure you want to spare your young companions. So inexperienced,
so tender. Easy on the eyes, too. Far better for them if you just save us all a
whole messy ordeal and answer a few simple questions. Hmmm?"
Harry let his eyes close before he smiled. "I very much doubt that."
They were on their own now, much the same as he was, but once again Harry felt
the low boiling frustration that he hadn't gone in alone. It was likely they'd
be questioned longer than Harry, since it would quickly become obvious if it
wasn't already that he was the most experienced out of the three. Harry had
faith in them to keep quiet, as Kingsman had had faith in them, but he still
didn't like the niggling feeling that they should have been under his
protection merely by virtue of their inexperience. It was fortunate, however,
that Harry was very good at hiding that displeasure. When he opened his eyes
again, the blond man stared at him keenly, to which Harry merely stared back.
"The hard way, then. My friends here are going to indulge in a little stress
relief, as it's been a trying week. When they're done having a turn with you,
perhaps you'll have warmed to the idea of cooperation." The blond gave Harry
one last dismissive look and turned on his heel, leaving the doorway open
behind him. Already the lackeys he'd left behind were cracking jokes. Two were
taping up their knuckles in anticipation of dealing a hefty dose of abuse.
That was to be the way of it, then - beatings first, questions later, and then
more beatings when answers weren't forthcoming. Harry slipped into measured
breathing as the first blow landed. Ignoring the pain came more easily after
that. Like anything else, there was a trick to it. Harry let himself detach and
float somewhere just beyond the reach of his body and its pain, untouched.
They weren't practised in the art of it, nor the science, Harry should say. It
would have been much more difficult to remain that way had they been. It wasn't
pleasant by any means, but the human body could take quite a lot of punishment,
and they fell into a rhythm with it. They didn't stray from the tactics they
knew, fists to the gut, kicks to Harry's sides, even a bit of choking after a
while, but Harry remained lost to it.
It went on for so long that at one point when Harry closed his eyes and opened
them again, he realised that he'd lost a fair amount of time.
Eventually they grew bored. After a quick check to make certain Harry was still
securely chained and that he wasn't about to die of shock, they filed out of
the room and shut the door. Harry was left in the silence and the sickly
florescent lighting, aching and cold. It would only get worse from there.
Harry could only hope that enough evidence had been left at the warehouse to
aid in tracking their location, and that his equipment hadn't been destroyed.
Trackers were installed in a number of Kingsman devices as backup in case one
was lost or malfunctioned.
If he was very, very lucky, they'd missed something on the junior agents. He
didn't put much stock in that hope, however, seeing how well they'd stripped
him down. Even his watch was missing.
Merlin would be all over his network of surveillance on this, and it was only a
matter of time. Thinking of Merlin sank a hook in him, one that was entirely
different from the pain of his body. He imagined his friend running frenzied
over his monitors. Harry hated to do that to him. Harry had taken many risks,
especially in recent memory, but none had ended with him severely compromised
and out of Kingsman's considerable reach since he and Merlin had grown closer.
Harry refrained from fatalistic thinking. His captors were not at that point
yet, he could tell, but he was frustrated all the same that his friend would be
in a state of controlled panic over this.
He sighed and, with an effort, righted himself to see how secure his cuffs
really were.
Unskilled as his captors had been at torture thus far, they weren't lax with
restraints. Dislocating his thumbs wasn't going to be sufficient for him to
slip the cuffs. Harry twisted until he was able to get a better look at the
radiator, then twisted again until he was able to get his feet against the
wall. He pushed.
Nothing happened. Nothing aside from further bruises at his wrists, anyways.
The radiator hook-up was solid. It was unlikely that he'd be able to jar it
loose. Harry was stuck there for the moment.
He settled in with his back to the wall and listened, but he could hear no
footfalls, voices, nor any other sort of movement outside his door. He had to
guess that he was either in a sectioned off part of the building, possibly a
basement, or business was quiet at the moment. He did his best to take stock of
the damage, to move his joints, which his captors had fortunately not focused
on, and hope to diminish the swelling. His wrists were going to be raw soon,
and when they started swelling, the cuffs were surely going to cut off most of
his circulation. Harry pressed them to the cool metal of the radiator and began
to go over methods of escape, whether they would become readily available or
not.
An hour and a half passed, by Harry's estimates. Breathing and heartbeats
served as a way to try to keep track of time when no other method was
available. Footsteps approached, and Harry turned to face the doorway. He was
expecting another round of threats, perhaps taunts about the state of his
coworkers.
Less expected was the barrel of a gun he found himself looking down, followed
by a hiss and the sting of a dart for the second time that day.
When Harry came to again, his body was aching. It was disorienting at first,
but the pain was dulled, much like his mind felt. He blinked and stared across
a stained concrete floor, but he could only see so far before he realised it
was simply because his eyes weren't open all the way. He blinked again and
hazily landed on the point the concrete met a palette of stacked crates next to
the feet of a metal shelf, both far off in the distance where the light began
to fade away into darkness. He turned his head and found that his cheek was
pressed into the cold concrete, and from there, slowly, things began coming
back to him. The first stage of his mission. The fight. Being captured and
beaten.
Harry took stock of himself before he tried to move, feeling his hands and
fingers, his legs and toes, carefully rolling his shoulders and shifting his
hips before he winced. Doubtful anything was broken yet, but he was bruised in
sensitive places.
Moreover, he'd been moved somewhere long-term. His captors couldn't know how
valuable he was yet, or they would have opted for something a bit more secure
than a storeroom, but it also wasn't the same kind of makeshift prison as a
spare office. Harry wasn't about to be summarily executed, nor released. The
room promised more waiting, more questions, and more pain. Worse, he was now
secured to a sturdy metal pole in the centre of the room. Harry had no leverage
when he pulled against it.
He'd have to hope that one of his captors got stupidly overconfident and
wandered too close, or to lull them into a false sense of security when they
tried to transport him a second time. If there was a second time. If he
couldn't break himself out, he'd be stuck waiting for whatever cavalry Merlin
could stir up, and that was assuming that his partner would be able to track
him down.
He could only wait.
Harry didn't like that plan, but he was forced to take it. He made himself as
comfortable as he could, letting the pole support his weight and stretching his
limbs every now and again to get the blood flowing. He spent hours waiting like
that, and, much to his dismay, was only beaten a second time with the same
tactic--questions and then more violence.
After that, Harry didn't hear from his captors for the rest of the night, but
in the morning, he found a foam cup filled with water waiting for him when he
awoke. For that, he was grateful. With it came a bit of hope that they still
wanted him alive. Or at least able to use his vocal cords for a while longer.
The third interrogation was more sophisticated. A woman was brought in to try
psychological tactics, pretending at sympathy and softness, promising food if
Harry would only give her something to work with and present to her superiors.
Harry was amused for the short time she was there, but she was only slightly
more skilled than the brutes who had tried to beat him into compliance. He
played with her while giving her nothing concrete, and eventually her lip
curled into a sneer as she lost patience. Harry got another kick in the ribs
for his trouble, and the door slammed behind her.
No food presented itself. Neither did anything to help ward off the chill of
the room.
The air conditioning was kept on and Harry could only warm up by getting up and
moving around once in a while, and that was becoming increasingly difficult now
that the first day's injuries had swelled into expansive bruising. Harry
suspected he'd receive a second day's injuries in short order, and sure enough,
several hours later, the tread of heavy boots down the hall preceded the men
who'd beat him the day prior.
The blond watched as they did it again, but Harry still kept his voice in
check. It wasn't as easy to ignore the pain as it was the day before, but he
was still nowhere close to breaking yet, and that greatly upset the man in
charge.
When they were through with him, Harry was left there for a long time. No one
brought any more water, although he was able to use the empty cup to relieve
himself and save a small amount of dignity as well as the floors of the
storeroom.
That night, Harry slept with great discomfort. He wasn't sure, but it felt like
one of his ribs might have cracked at some point during the last interrogation,
and every breath was mildly painful.
The third day brought fresh tortures, bright and early in the morning. None of
the people Harry was seeing were remotely close to the top of the chain of
command, but someone had decided that Harry needed a more skilled touch. A new
face was brought to the room, remarkable only for how unremarkable his face
was. Just the sort of person to blend into a crowd with the right attire.
Harry's new tormentor stuck pins under his fingernails and into the tender
spaces between his joints. He put weight on bruised muscles and bones. A basin
was dragged into the room and Harry's skill at holding his breath was put to
the test. The torturer watched, impassive to the fact that he was getting
nothing in return for his ministrations. He left a parting gift before he
exited the storeroom just as blank-faced as he'd entered - a generous mixture
of what felt and smelled like citrus, salt, and hot pepper juice, liberally
applied and massaged into Harry's wounds before he was left to dwell on his
predicament.
He was left on the floor, trying not to move and hissing quietly whenever he
did. Eventually he tried to use what was left of the water, most of it on his
face or splattered across the floor, to get the substance off, but it was
little use even when he got his pained hands to work. Rubbing at it caused even
worse pain and he could only get so much off. His shirt had been torn and was
damp and cold on his skin, but with the bar between his arms and his hands
bound, he couldn't remove it, and he didn't want to be without it once it dried
again.
Harry dragged himself away from the puddle as far as he could and let his mind
drift. He thought about nothing for as long as possible. Then he thought about
Merlin and Kingsman. He imagined their actions every step of the way to him,
but these were repetitions of the same thoughts he'd had the two days prior, so
he imagined being home instead. He imagined curling up on the corner of his
couch in the lamplight, perhaps with a glass of wine and a good book. The house
would be quiet. Mr. Pickle had been showing signs of his age over the last year
or so and he didn't snuffle around so often any longer.
Harry could almost imagine the soft sound of the dog's paws on the carpet. That
wasn't what he was hearing, though. Distantly, through the door, Harry could
detect quiet footsteps shuffling along down the corridor. This set was unlike
the others - solitary, for one, and much lighter. It paused here and there, and
once Harry heard another door open down the hallway only to close again almost
immediately.
To Harry's surprise, the locks on the outside of the storeroom door clicked,
and the door opened. A small boy peered through the doorframe around the box he
was carrying. His eyes widened when he caught sight of Harry sprawled upon the
floor, but not in recognition. Harry, however, would have recognized him
anywhere.
Harry blinked. He may have very well been in his daydream, the vision mixing
with the pain in his neck while his head was supported by the pole and
confusing him. But some awareness told him this wasn't right. He blinked again
and that familiar face didn't vanish as it usually did, lost to Harry's
memories. It was about then that he stopped breathing. His brow furrowed and he
blinked several times more in rapid succession before he was convinced that
what was before him was indeed real. His cuffed hands gripped the pole and
tried to draw him up as a burst of adrenaline shot through his veins.
"Eggsy?" Harry croaked.
The boy started and nearly dropped what he was carrying. He froze in place, and
after a second or two, his face transformed in shock and horror. The pause told
Harry that he must appear as terrible as he felt for Eggsy not to have
immediately recognized him.
"H-Harry? Wh-what... what are you doin' here?" Eggsy started to back up through
the doorway, then paused. Harry wasn't coming any closer from the pole he was
chained to, and he looked nothing like the suave figure Eggsy remembered. Not
even during the times when Harry had come back a little roughed up around the
edges from his latest mission. "You're not supposed to be here. You're... were
you followin' me again?"
Harry was so caught off guard by the accusation that his face couldn't decide
on a proper expression, but the cold dread coiling in his gut began to overtake
him as he tried to make sense of the situation. "You work for these people?"
Harry asked, voice dropping with what little authority he could muster into it
in his state. The sudden rigidity in Eggsy's stance spoke for the boy. "Shit."
Harry pulled himself up, ignoring the pain. He had to make himself understood.
"Eggsy, I wasn't following you. I had no idea you were involved in this, but
dammit, you have to leave. Now. Quit. Run. I don't care, but get out of here."
"Why? 'cause you're here to take 'em down, and that means takin' me down too?"
Eggsy gave Harry a sceptical look. Harry appeared to be in rough shape, but
Eggsy didn't know that he could trust appearances anymore. He couldn't trust
anything where Harry was concerned, evidently, not even to be left alone. "You
don't look like you can do much of nothin' right now. How come you're here,
anyways? I thought you were gonna let me be and go take care of important stuff
somewhere else."
"If they realise you know me, they'll turn on you and they'll hurt you."
Harry's throat was dry. His voice was more of a whispered croak, but the
underlying tension drove him to ignore everything but getting Eggsy to listen
to him. "Please, Eggsy. I haven't come for you."
Eggsy's small brows were still narrowed, and Harry couldn't help taking in all
the little ways he'd changed since he last saw the boy. Eggsy was barely any
taller, and a traitorous part of Harry rejoiced that he'd not grown up yet, but
his eyes and the set of his face was harder. It seemed more an aspect of the
life he'd been living as well as the time the anger he'd felt towards Harry had
to settle into his features. Harry grit his teeth and jerked against the pole,
trying one more time in vain to free himself. To force Eggsy to leave.
"Why?" To Eggsy's mind, the opposite seemed more likely. Harry had been trying
to take down this new group of people his own gang had started to work with.
They probably wouldn't know who Harry was, or he wouldn't be sitting in a
storeroom tied to a pole. If Eggsy told them who they had, they might reward
him for bringing their attention to such a valuable hostage.
Except... they might not keep him as a hostage at all. Eggsy frowned,
remembering whispered gossip he'd heard. These new people in town ran more than
drugs. They played for more money, which meant they were more dangerous because
they had a lot to lose. Eggsy stared at Harry for a long moment, wondering. "Is
this all part of your plan, gettin' captured and beat up? To get inside the
place?"
Harry had been breathing quietly, watching emotions that didn't belong on
Eggsy's face, not in this situation. His strength began to drain and before he
knew it, he was slumped back down on the floor. He shook his head. "No. It
wasn't."
Eggsy wasn't going to believe him. The harder Harry looked, the clearer he saw
it. He was tied to a post in this little hell hole, just waiting and hoping
that Merlin would find him before he died, and to top it all off here now was
Eggsy, who'd just as well stepped out of thin air. Was this Harry's fate before
he died, to meet this boy again and know that he'd still never receive a kind
look or a word of love. Terror gripped him at the thought that Eggsy might be
pulled into this as well.
Eggsy went quiet. Objectively, there was no way of knowing if Harry was telling
the truth or not. Perhaps he was lying, but what would be the point of such a
lie? To convince Eggsy not to tell his boss who Harry really was?
Eggsy slowly backed up out of the storeroom to glance back down the hallway. No
noise or movement greeted him, but he knew he shouldn't dawdle. People who were
missing for too long were noted, and if merchandise went missing they got the
brunt of the suspicion and fallout from the shortage. "How come you're really
here, then, if you're not here comin' after me?" he whispered. "Blokes like you
don't just get caught."
Harry looked up. Eggsy was either going to keep this to himself or he wasn't,
and Harry would do everything in his power to avoid the latter. But his power
had run out. Harry was defeated.
For a long moment, Harry thought about what Eggsy would think of this
information. "We were going to take them out. Not the people you'd originally
been working for. As far as I'd last heard, they were still running small time
narcotics on the South and East sides." Harry sighed. "We don't typically run
into operations such as this with guns blazing unless we know what we're
getting into, who we need to take out, and who we need to keep alive. I was
sent to investigate personnel, scope, resources, everything, before we decided
how best to move forward, but through pure dumb luck one of your new employers
happened to know the man I was impersonating." Harry leaned against the post
and offered Eggsy a weak smile. How incongruous his thoughts were suddenly,
grateful to lay his eyes upon Eggsy just once more. "Currently, they're trying
to find out who I work for. I can promise you it will do you no good to tell
them, if that's what you're thinking. They'll bury you. Or lock you up in a
room like this."
Eggsy took in the smile Harry flashed at him. The effect was broken by how
ghostlike it was, weak and distorted from the beatings Harry had been taking.
If Harry wasn't lying about everything, he was in rough shape. The boy licked
his lips. "I-... I gotta go. I'm gonna be missed if I'm gone too long." He gave
Harry one last conflicted look before he backed away and shut the storeroom
door.
Eggsy hurried down the hallway towards the stairwell. He had other chores that
were expected of him, other places to be, but now that he knew Harry was
there...
He could get revenge, if he wanted it. Harry had suggested that he'd be
punished for letting on that he knew Harry at all, but Eggsy wouldn't have to
even do anything. If he left Harry in that room, someone would likely beat him
until they got tired of him not talking, and then they'd put a bullet through
him.
The thought left a tight, sick feeling in Eggsy's chest. He'd seen gun wounds
since he'd started running drugs. Harry being dead would solve some problems,
and maybe it would even dissipate some of the rage knotted deep inside of him.
Harry had hurt him, and in a way it had been a welcome sight to see him beaten,
bruised, and laid low. Eggsy simply didn't know if he wanted him dead.
===============================================================================
The back of Harry's head hit the post when Eggsy was gone. He felt like he was
going to be sick. A moment later and he was curling in on himself, his gut
tight and churning and prickles running down his spine. "Please, Eggsy, don't
be foolish," he whispered over and over under his breath. It became a mantra.
If anything happened to Eggsy, here, because of him.... Harry felt very
suddenly more helpless than he ever had before, perhaps in his entire career.
When he could breathe again, he stood and with renewed effort began to try to
work himself free of his bonds.
Hours later, interrogators came again. They tried to be creative again. Ice
cold water was dumped over Harry, both to shock him and leave him colder than
he'd been before he'd had to deal with evaporation. It was the same questions
again - who he was, who he worked for, why he'd been impersonating someone
else, what his business interests were. Food and water were brought and placed
on a box just out of reach, promised along with good treatment if Harry would
just give them the answers they were seeking.
One by one, the questioners and their guards got tired of Harry's lack of
response. They withdrew to talk amongst themselves quietly.
The only good thing Harry could see was that they had not yet found Eggsy out.
They would have brought him up by now if they had. With the boy on his mind, it
wasn't so easy to detach himself from the torture, but if Harry hadn't had
incentive to keep quiet before, he certainly did now. Gone were his occasional
quips and comments. They'd been replaced by silence and nothing more. But Harry
remained alert. He tracked his captors with a silent stare even as he laid
curled and shivering on the concrete floor.
"Y'know, I'd be talkin' by now, if I were you," one of the guards laughed. Dark
haired and with equally dark eyes, he leered. "You don't give us somethin', the
boss is gonna get real tired of you hanging around, takin' up valuable space.
It gets decided you ain't valuable, you get to start earning your keep."
The guard made a crude hand gesture, and a couple of the others laughed,
although a few mouths also curled in disgust. "Everyone who wants to have a bit
o'fun can get some, 'afore you get passed off to Greg. Nobody comes back once
he's got 'em. So think long an' hard, 'cause if you give the boss what they
want, you might get to walk. You make the boss mad, you become a party favour,
or weapon practice."
Harry curled his lip in a half smile that didn't touch his eyes. He'd give them
that much and hope that Eggsy would never come back to see him again if that
came to pass. If Harry disappeared, maybe he'd finally get the nerve to get out
of there. The boy had looked like he felt safe enough, but he wasn't, not if he
talked about Harry and not if he messed up some day far down the road. If Eggsy
felt anything at finding Harry gone, Harry hoped it was the kick he needed to
run.
The man who spoke raised his brows and waited for Harry to speak, but nothing
ever came.
"Figures. You'll squeal soon enough. You'll just be too late for it to do any
good," the guard laughed. "C'mon. I'm itchin' for a smoke. He'll keep for a
bit." The crowd filtered back through the doorway, but for one. One of the
questioners, a younger boy with mousey brown hair, paused just long enough to
move the items they'd been tempting Harry with until they were within reach.
They were nothing fancy - a sandwich on a paper plate and a battered plastic
cup of water - but they were more than Harry had ingested for a few days.
The men at the door immediately started an argument about it, countered by the
inquisitor who insisted that a prisoner starved stupid or dead was no good for
questioning or anything else. The door slammed shut and locked, and Harry heard
the footfalls grow fainter down the hall until they disappeared entirely.
He moved quickly, or as quickly as he could, for the cup and plate. Instinct
strengthened by fear that they might reconsider and come back for the food
drove him, but Harry's hands were weak and shaking and he was forced to slow or
he'd spill the water. It almost hurt to drink, his throat was so raw and
parched. He nearly devoured half the sandwich before he could make himself stop
and wait to finish the rest. He kept an ear trained on the hall, just in case,
but after ten minutes had passed and his stomach didn't rebel, Harry finished
the rest. He was no warmer, but the fear of dehydration, and the slower
starvation, faded into the back of his mind and became a comfortable respite
compared to the state he'd been in earlier.
Harry waited out the rest of the day like that, warming slowly and still trying
to move as much as he could. His body was stiff and sore, but he'd faired the
day better than the two prior as far as his bruising went.
Harry estimated it to quite late in the evening, perhaps even the wee hours of
the morning, when the sound of someone approaching shook him back out of his
dazed state. Harry strained to hear, and after another minute metal clicked in
the lock. The heavy wooden door swung open slowly in an attempt to limit the
chances of any squeaky hinges, and then Eggsy peered in at him through the
doorway.
Harry sat up. It didn't seem right that Eggsy should see him in such a broken
position. He watched the boy and Eggsy watched him back. Harry's heart rate had
picked up again. He hadn't expected the boy to return so soon, and he was still
alone, which Harry was grateful to see, but it still gave away no hint as to
what Eggsy was up to.
"What are you doing?" Harry whispered into the space between them, the words
'Missed me?' falling into the back of his mind as what he might have said had
he still been a hopeful man.
Eggsy hesitated. The hardness from earlier was still there, but so was fear...
and something else. The boy's mouth opened and closed silently, and it took a
moment for him to slide further into the room and find his words. "I don't want
'em to kill you. Brit and DJ were talkin' earlier, an-... they just said they
couldn't figure out who you were or what to do with you, so someone would tie
up loose ends soon, which is what they say when they're gonna disappear
someone. They already did in your two friends. I don't want you dead, too."
Harry couldn't speak. His throat closed up, but he made himself nod so that
Eggsy would see it. He made himself think practically. Eggsy may have never
wanted to see him again, he may have even hated Harry, but Harry had to shift
his expectations to account for that not necessarily meaning Eggsy could leave
him there without guilt.
Harry nodded again and cleared his throat. It felt swollen, and not because of
the bruising. "Thank you, Eggsy. You don't know what that means to me." Harry
offered him another small smile and tried to put more confidence in his voice.
"Merlin and the others are on their way. They'll find this place before long,
and I'll need you to be out of the way or risk getting caught in the
crossfire."
"You ain't listenin'. You've been here quite a few days, yeah? And if you're
tellin' the truth, that gettin' caught and beat up wasn't your plan... they
would have gotten here by now. When I ran away you were right on top of me
after an hour or so. I'd move and hide and you'd find me again. If your people
knew you were here, they'd already have been shootin' up the building. Or am I
wrong? 'Cause I don't think I am." Eggsy glared at Harry. He looked like he was
trying not to let Harry's emotional displays move him; not even knowing if they
were real. He looked like he couldn’t afford to be distracted.
"So what I figure, nobody's come to save you, 'cause for some reason they can't
find you for once. You can't get out, or you'd already be busted out. If I
don't get you out now, they might kill you tomorrow, so..." Eggsy stepped
closer. He eyed Harry with more than a touch of wariness, and one hand slipped
into his pocket and extracted a ring of keys.
Harry stopped breathing.
"Eggsy...." He looked at the keys in Eggsy's hand up to the boy's face,
determined in spite of his uncertainty. That bravado Eggsy had always had.
Harry cast his mind out for another way, any other way, but Eggsy wasn't wrong.
He was Harry's only chance. Harry took a deep breath. "Alright. Alright.... How
long do you have before someone notices you're gone? And how well do you know
this place?"
Harry realised he was trembling ever so minutely, sitting up on his knees, as
Eggsy came nearer. It had nothing to do with the chill and everything to do
with the boy before him and what Eggsy was prepared to do.
Chapter End Notes
     Thanks for waiting for this chapter.
     Come join us again this Saturday (4/2) for the Dark_Kingsman_Block
     Party!
***** Chapter 37 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"It's really late. People are used to me sleepin' all night, 'cause they got me
runnin' errands during the day. Nobody's gonna notice I'm gone, or that the
keys are gone. I took some of one of the shipments and put it in a drink.
They're gonna get in trouble for stealin' product and everyone's probably gonna
assume the guy just... dropped the keys somewhere or somethin'." Eggsy
shivered, but not from cold. He felt just as nervous as he had the first day
he'd run away from Harry, or after that one brief time when Harry had caught
him and he'd thought it was all over. He'd never thought he'd be so close to
this man again, nevermind helping him. Even now, part of him wanted to reach
out and touch the bared, bruised skin in front of him, and Eggsy couldn't
fathom why.
"I... just hold still, ok? I'm gonna unlock you and then... I've had to run
errands all over the building, so I think I can get you out ok if you can
walk."
Harry stared at Eggsy as he reached out for the cuffs around Harry's hands.
"You've gotten better at looking after yourself," Harry said softly, and he was
smiling. His smile much of one, but the first in a long time that he felt in
every sore muscle in his face. It brought Eggsy up short for a second, but then
his fingers wrapped around the cuffs and turned them so he could get at the
lock. Their skin brushed, just barely, but Harry felt it and he knew Eggsy did,
too. "This has to be quick. There will surely be motion sensitive cameras and
even if there isn't someone on the night watch, the less risk we have of waking
anyone, the better."
Harry's heart kicked up the moment he heard the lock click and the cuffs
release.
Eggsy stepped backwards, nervous. It seemed ridiculous when Harry was stripped
down and beaten within an inch of his life, but Eggsy was still deeply afraid
of the man. Angry as well, but the anger was tied to the fear. He wasn't quite
the same boy Harry had manipulated until Eggsy had given him his heart and his
body, but Eggsy still felt... powerless in comparison. Harry could probably
kill him if he wanted to, or kidnap and hold him against his will. Eggsy knew
the only reason he'd continued to be free since the one day he'd gotten caught
was that Harry, for whatever reason, had chosen to allow him to go, and that
knowledge chafed.
Harry winced as he drew the cuffs from around his wrists and let them fall to
the floor. There were deep, mottled bruises underneath and much of his skin had
been rubbed raw and blistered. There wasn't time to inspect his every wound,
but Harry paused when he looked at Eggsy and the space the boy had put between
them. He tried to force away the frown it pulled his face into.
"Where is this building?" Harry asked, putting on his business voice. "We're
still inside of London, yes? If we make it to the door, I need to know what's
outside of it."
"Yeah, south side. We're in sort of a... not a construction zone exactly, but
somethin' like it. Lots of development, but goin' really slowly. A few of the
residentials have some people in 'em, but there's a lot of stuff in the middle
of goin' up, or still empty. We're in a warehouse sort of thing. There's a
fenced off yard outside, with some junk like metal beams and concrete blocks
an' such, to try to make the place blend in, but it's a bit hard to get across
the yard without gettin' spotted." Eggsy gestured. "Lot of the stuff on this
level is storage, locked up behind a metal gate at one of the stairwells to
stop people from pinchin' drugs or things to sell for a side profit. I dunno if
there's spare clothes, but there's probably some guns or something."
Harry nodded. "If we can move fast enough, I'll need a gun and a pair of wire
cutters. I'll have to manage without shoes for the time being." He climbed to
his feet and winced, flailed his arm out to catch the post, as his side sent a
piercing pain through him. His cracked rib. He didn't miss the look of dull
shock on Eggsy's face at the sight of him nearly going down. "I'm alright," he
breathed, and tried to stretch, slowly, to bring his muscles back to life.
"They really did a number on you, huh." Eggsy's shock turned into something
softer, tinged with sorrow. It lasted a moment before the boy hardened up
again, clenching his jaw and squaring his shoulders. "Are you even gonna be
able to walk? This isn't gonna work if you can't. I ain't gonna be able to
carry you, and... I don't even know Landon's number, and you have to sneak out
of the building pretty far before you get reception. I might get caught before
I can call anyone, much less before help gets here for you."
"I can walk," Harry reassured him. Harry would drag himself out of there if he
had to, but he softened his eyes at Eggsy, thankful for the concern he'd seen
in the boy's face. He stretched as best he could before he straightened again
and ignored the sharp pain in his side. And back. And thighs. Harry was not
well, but he could move, and he could move quickly if he had to.
There was only one last thing Harry had to be sure of before they walked
through the storeroom door, and he fixed Eggsy in his gaze to tell him. "You
realise you can't come back after this, yes? You're going to have to come with
me. You don't have to stay with me, but you can't go back."
"I knew that already," Eggsy muttered. "Knew it before I decided to steal the
keys. Even if you don't have other agents come through and murder everyone,
they're gonna want to know how you got free. None of these new people seem shy
about torturin' for answers, even their own. Even if they're innocent. They'd
get 'round to me eventually, and I'm not stickin' around here for that, but
runnin' means they're gonna be lookin' for me as one more loose end that could
go blab to the Met."
Harry nodded once, concise. "Good." They didn't have any more time to waste. He
looked around the room again, went over the boxes quickly, but there was
nothing he could use. Of course they wouldn't lock a prisoner in the storeroom
with weaponry. "Let's get to that other storeroom and get out of here, shall
we?" Harry brushed back his hair and didn't try to put on a smile. There would
be time for that if they made it out alive, and Eggsy was still looking at him
warily.
Eggsy left the room first, glancing left and right to make certain no one had
come down the stairs after him. He led the way down the hall to one of the
other rooms he must have been in earlier, dropping off product to be stored for
a later sale. Eggsy had to fiddle with several keys before he found the right
one and the door swung open.
The room was a mess. Boxes littered most of the floor space, and there was a
smell in the air that was easily recognized by anyone familiar with particular
substances. Crates and boxes weren't easily labelled, but they didn't have to
do much in the way of digging; weapons lockers were up against one of the
walls, and when Harry opened a couple, they contained a veritable arsenal.
"This'll do." Harry nodded in approval and took a medium sized semi-automatic
with a strap he could throw around his shoulder, and just in case, grabbed a
handgun and an extra strap to wrap around his thigh. He may not have been
dressed, but at least he was armed. With a bit of searching through the
toolboxes next to a weapons closet, Harry found a pair of wire cutters. They
were small, but they should do well enough to get them through a fence if they
needed to. Harry tied those into the strap before he turned to find Eggsy
staring at him.
Not in fear for once. Or at least, not right at that moment. Eggsy had a
slightly glazed look in his eyes, which disappeared quickly once he realized
Harry was watching him. Harry had seen the look enough to know what it meant,
but he hadn't been expecting to catch Eggsy with such an expression on his
face.
"So, um. Do I get to take anything? I'm gonna get shot at whether I've got a
gun or not, if they catch us," Eggsy pointed out.
Harry narrowed his eyes, but Eggsy had shot before and he knew it. Against his
better judgement, he reached back into the cabinet for a small pistol and made
sure that it was loaded. "Remember, keep the safety on until you're ready to
shoot. When you are, push it back, hold the gun with two hands," Harry
demonstrated, holding it out and aiming it at the door, "and pull the trigger.
Just let the kickback happen, don't startle. And only shoot when you're sure of
your target." His recap had been brief, but there wasn't time for more. Harry
turned the gun and held it out, praying he wouldn't regret it.
Eggsy took it gingerly. He knew well just how dangerous a gun was. He pointed
it down at the ground after making sure he knew where the safety was. "Yeah, I
got it. Let's just go, before anyone figures out something's wrong."
"Lead the way, Agent Unwin." Harry couldn't resist. It was strange how he could
enjoy these few seconds with Eggsy in spite of everything, his worry over the
boy topping all. But Harry had reason to hold confidence in him. Eggsy did know
the place. He knew what he was talking about in spite of his age. That feeling
warred with the half of him that wanted to scoop the boy up in his arms and run
for it, a plan that was far more ill-advised than letting Eggsy find the best
route.
"Didn’t you people have better codenames than just your surname?" Eggsy
whispered as they left the room. The trip down the hallway to the stairwell was
quick. Harry was badly injured, but he had experience at muscling through such
things. He'd pay for it later during his recovery time, but he needed to
survive in order to have any time for healing. "Ok, so... halfway up is a metal
gate I left unlocked, but it can be squeaky. We're gonna come out at the end of
another hallway, like an L shape. Once we get up there, we might get heard, so
just watch for how I gesture, ok?"
"Lead on." Harry nodded the affirmative and they moved together down a long
corridor. Harry never liked being in spaces such as that, with only the way in
and out and long moments of exposure in between, but just as Eggsy had said,
they came upon a security fence with the gate he'd left unlocked at the end of
it, which they were able to lock behind them and hopefully save themselves a
bit of time should anyone behind them catch on. Harry stayed close, and it was
hard to tear his eyes away from the small body in front of him, bent low and
tense, as they moved, but he kept his distance.
Twice now he'd seen security cameras, but no sign of life. Either Eggsy was
right in that there was a window in which security was lax for the night, or
they were going to catch someone's attention very soon.
They had a couple of close calls. Once, they had to take a detour away from a
room where it sounded like people were playing cards and drinking to pass the
time. Another time, Eggsy touched a hand to Harry to push him back into a side
storeroom while a lone patroller went past down an adjacent hallway. Eggsy had
stayed tense in the tight quarters the entire time, almost pressed up against
Harry with how small the alcove was.
They finally reached a side door without alarm being raised. Harry could smell
the cool evening air of London from their vantage point and hear the pouring
rain even before they opened the door. Once outside, there was no telling what
would happen. There were bound to be vigilant guards outside the building along
with security cameras, even if security was lax on the inside.
The whole week had been unusually chilly with rain, and it was coming down
relentlessly. Harry pulled Eggsy in close to the building and they moved along
the wall until the boy could point out the edges of the fence in the distance.
Harry could now make out definite landmarks in the city skyline beyond and saw
that they were, just as Eggsy had said, still in south London. It would only be
a matter of getting through the perimeter untouched before they were free.
"We're going to have to cross the grounds as fast as possible," Harry
whispered, eyeing the fence. "I want you to stay in front of me. If there is
any gunfire, it'll be coming from behind us. Motion sensors are most likely by
the main road, the gate, and the front and rear of the building. If we trip one
still..,." Harry's mouth thinned, "we'll just have to move faster."
Eggsy nodded, more nervous now than he'd been in the building. They were almost
free, but one possibility was death, and the other was...the unknown. There was
no going back even now, but the other side of the perimeter fence was a
tangible representation of how many barriers Eggsy was crossing. He would be
hunted by his former allies, the people who had sheltered him from Harry until
now. It hadn't been a great life, but he'd gotten to live free of Harry's
control. After this, he'd be at his mercy again.
Eggsy started to run.
Harry took off after him, hobbling at first, but finding his stride and forcing
through the pain. They ran in silence but for their feet pounding against the
gravel and the rain coming down around them.
Harry could see the fence coming closer and closer. They were almost there--
halfway, and then a shot whizzed over his shoulder.
"Eggsy, get down!" Harry shouted before he launched himself forward, grabbing
his boy by the back of the collar and throwing him over the nearest pile of
junk on the lawn. It had been the first point of cover Harry saw, but he didn't
let himself follow even as another shot sailed past his hip. He whirled the
other way, going for a smaller mound and set off return fire towards the men
coming at them.
Eggsy had his stolen gun out, safety flipped off, but he was terrified. It was
dark, and he was untrained. He could barely tell what was going on,
particularly when the outside floodlights came on and shattered his night
vision. In the distance, Eggsy could see Harry moving and firing back, and his
heart moved up into his throat. Harry wasn't behind cover. There was nothing
protecting him from getting hit.
His only cover was his offence, forcing the gunmen to split and go for the
ground themselves when they hadn't expected him to be armed. Harry ran, and
stumbled, until he made it behind a truck next to the road. From there he kept
shooting, but he didn't have the full span he should have had he not had to
hide behind the corner of the vehicle. The men had already been too close.
There were half a dozen at least, and they were going for both sides of the
truck, returning fire to create a blind spot as they ran. Harry was going to be
surrounded.
Eggsy could see enough by that point to see the men closing in. Harry's
movement had drawn all of their attention, which left Eggsy unnoticed by the
fence. He took a deep breath and tried to remember everything that he knew
about shooting - which was very little on the whole. He took aim and carefully
fired, and one of the men closing in on Harry yelped and clasped a hand to his
side.
He went down a moment later, although he was definitely still alive, just
unable to move properly. There was a shout and two men broke off their advance
on Harry, guns raised and pointing in Eggsy's direction although they couldn't
see him yet.
Eggsy saw the remaining men close in on the truck, ducking around its corner,
but even more pressing now were the two men advancing on his position. And then
something happened. Eggsy heard another burst of gunfire and, from behind the
truck, saw one body go down and another thrown before he was shot on the
ground. Two men went around one side, while Harry came tearing around the
other, going straight for the men advancing on Eggsy. He got right in the
middle of them before they even saw him, shooting one in the back of the head
while grabbing the man's gun and putting it beneath the jaw of the other. Both
were dead in seconds before Harry tore the wire cutters free and threw them in
Eggsy's direction.
"Get to the fence!" Harry shouted and rounded on the remaining men, ducking
gunfire and twisting between them.
Eggsy couldn't spare a thought to worry. His hands reached up and caught the
cutters, and then he was running and stumbling towards the fence. The only hope
they had was getting clear of the fence and becoming lost in the streets before
reinforcements arrived, so Eggsy had to concentrate on that: one wire at a
time, while gunfire raged behind him. Eggsy reminded himself over and over that
he'd seen Harry more than capable of taking care of himself. It was a mantra
every time he cut a link - Harry could do this, Harry wasn't dead, Harry would
keep them off him, Harry wasn't that wounded, they'd make it out alive.
One link after another, again and again, until finally Eggsy could duck through
the fence.
When he looked back, what he saw was a massacre. Bodies were strewn all across
the mud and grass, and in the middle of them, Harry stood over the last man
with his hand in his hair, dragging him up from the ground with arms flailing
wildly before they tried to catch at Harry's arm. Harry raised the gun in his
other hand and shot the man in the face before he let him drop. The body
slumped to Harry's feet, still bare but for his socks, and Harry stood alone,
weight on one leg, in his shirt and shorts with a steady stream of mist coming
out of his open mouth at every heaving breath. He looked towards the fence and
their eyes met.
Eggsy froze. Panic welled in his veins as Harry limped closer. He left a faint
trail behind him in the grass, but the blood that stained the ground wasn't his
own. Eggsy watched with wide eyes until he had to turn his face up to look at
Harry, still full of shock. A hand touched Eggsy’s shoulder and pushed. Eggsy
turned and went down and soon enough found himself on the other side of the
fence, dragged along by Harry away from the shouts echoing across the yard
behind them.
Harry led him across a street where they were briefly bathed in light, but then
gained the cover of a small patch of trees and then another street. Harry kept
going even though he was in a lot of pain. His weight fell hard on every step
and he clutched at his side, but he moved quickly until they reached a
neighbourhood of residential homes.
"We need to get to a phone," Harry breathed. "Which means I'm going to need
your help again." Another small street down and he looked up the row of houses
before he picked one. "Go to that door there, ring the bell and ask if you can
use their phone. Tell them you were playing by your mate's house and got lost.
You're calling your father. One look at me and they'd call the met." Harry's
smile was pained. "What you're really going to do is call Landon. Tell the
operator 'mind the gamma correction' and you'll get through." Harry gave Eggsy
a number and nodded when he looked towards the house again.
Eggsy was still shell-shocked. Harry made him repeat the phone number and the
pass phrase a few times to ensure he got it, and then the boy stumbled up the
walkway and rang the doorbell. At the very least, Eggsy didn't need much in the
way of acting skill to feign confusion and worry. He was young enough, and
dressed just well enough, that the couple who answered the door didn't assume
that he was a dangerous gang member. Harry watched the boy disappear through
the doorway and counted the minutes before he'd appear again.
Harry waited under the tree of a neighbouring lawn, knowing he might see Eggsy
at the window, but it was doubtful the residents of the house would allow him
to go wandering out again. Not unless he saw his 'father' driving down the
street. It wouldn't take long after the call, Harry knew, and even though his
blood was pumping strong and his energy was only just beginning to fade, he
could feel it fading quickly. The cold and the rain only added to the fatigue.
Moments later, Harry caught sight of Eggsy's face looking through the front
window. The boy surely couldn't see him, but he could see Eggsy searching. It
sent a bit of warmth back into his bones to see it. And then, the woman who'd
let Eggsy in came to his shoulder and looked out, and the boy’s gaze was
broken.
Five minutes of pain and fatigue later, and Harry heard the unmistakable sound
of Eggsy's 'father's' arrival. Relief like nothing he'd felt in a long, long
time washed over him as he looked up to the sky and saw the blinking lights of
Merlin's helicopter.
Moments later, shouts came from the house. Eggsy had also heard the sound of
the helicopter and dashed for the door. The good people he'd bothered had been
expecting a car to see the boy back to the safety of his family, and definitely
not for the youth to go running onto the street at the sound.
The helicopter stopped and hovered, and a second later a rope lift descended.
Merlin wanted a quick extraction, without the added trouble of a take-off and
landing or leaving the copter vulnerable on the ground.
That was when Harry emerged from his hiding place. He limped towards the centre
of the street, right where Eggsy was headed, and held his hand out to gesture
that he go first.
Harry caught sight of Merlin, hovering over the open doorway behind the other
pilot. His face looked pale, but his eyes caught on Harry right away and Harry
offered up a relieved smile. Then he turned to the small family who'd helped
Eggsy, who'd stopped at the end of their drive in shock, and waved them a quick
thanks before he grabbed hold of the ladder and did his best to hoist himself
up behind Eggsy.
Merlin activated the motor to retract the ladder, which made it easier. Harry
mostly just had to hold on until the last of it, and then Merlin was reaching
down to help them both into the passenger cabin. The helicopter began to ascend
as soon as the pilot saw they were clear.
To Harry's shock, he found himself pulled closer and encircled in an embrace,
only loosening when the pressure aggravated Harry's ribs and caused him to
flinch. "I was beginning to wonder if I'd have to kill you for getting yourself
die on the job."
Harry laughed with relief, just barely able to hear Merlin over the deafening
blades above them. "No dying today, thanks. Not for me." He slung an arm around
his friend's neck and let himself sag before Merlin slammed the door shut and
the whipping winds and the noise faded away. Harry's pistol clattered to the
floor as Merlin helped him down onto a seat, but his eyes caught on Eggsy,
who'd crawled up on the seat opposite them and was watching with some
apprehension.
Harry sighed. He was just happy they both got out alive.
Merlin paused for a moment, and when it was apparent that Eggsy wasn't going to
move, Merlin opted to mostly ignore him. "Right. Well, I'd like a brief recap
of everything, if you're feeling up to it. Full debriefing can wait. I'll also
need to know what injuries you've both sustained." Merlin shot Eggsy a pointed
look. "I can take care of a few things that might need immediate attention with
the medical kit on board, but we're going to need to get Harry to Headquarters
at the very least."
Harry nodded and rested his head back against the seat, watching Eggsy watch
him. That was Merlin's translation for 'how the hell did you wind up here with
this boy, of all people?'
"I've probably cracked a rib, but I doubt I have any serious internal
injuries." Harry shrugged the shoulder strap of the semi-automatic over his
head, with help. Merlin had been eyeing his dirtied and bloody shirt along with
the welts webbing up from his collar, the ones that ran all the way down to his
legs, too. "You saw how they discovered my act as Mr. Darby. It was
interrogations after that. They have no idea who Kingsman is; just lucky." A
slow smile dawned over Harry's face as he looked at Eggsy. He was too tired to
compose himself, or even care. "It turns out someone we knew was working for
dealers who'd recently branched out to bigger and better trades. That someone
stumbled over me locked up in a storeroom."
"I see." Merlin didn't see. Harry could faintly hear a tone of incredulity in
his voice while the man glanced at Eggsy, surprised that the boy had opted to
save Harry rather than make his captivity worse. Eggsy bristled and curled
inward on himself, defensive and acutely aware of the fact that he was stuck in
a helicopter with the two men who'd conspired to rip his life apart.
"And then you messed everythin' up again," Eggsy groused. His current location
only reinforced what he'd known was coming. In saving Harry's life, he'd put
himself at the man's mercy again. "I'm completely fucked. They're all gonna
know I'm gone by now, an' that I got you out, since we got spotted. I'm not
gonna be able to do anythin' on the street no more. They're gonna have people
lookin' for me to take me out."
Harry frowned. He squeezed Merlin's arm where the man still steadied Harry.
Harry needed to handle this. "Yes. That life is over." He could have said
everything he'd wanted to say for so long, how Eggsy was better than that
anyway, how he'd never deserved such a life. He could have asked the boy
whether he really could imagine nothing but growing up without an education,
knowing only one trade that would put him in danger no matter where he went.
But Harry didn't have to now. Because it was over and there was no going back.
"You'll have to find a different one now."
"An' how exactly am I s'posed to do that, huh? I'm back where I started. My mum
is still an alcoholic and dating awful blokes, or she was last time I checked
in on her, which wasn't that long ago. I got no more family to go to. Any of
those kid homes, they're all in spots where people know people, so I'll get
found by people who want a little revenge for me lettin' you loose and skippin'
out on 'em. An' I ain't been to school in a while, and I'm too young to get a
proper job even if someone would take me." Eggsy felt despair well up in him,
and to his horror his eyes started to tear up. He'd known he'd have to face
this. He'd been worried about his future for some time, more so now that
everything had been suddenly cut off, but the decision had almost been made for
him. Once he had realized that Harry was likely to die if left in that
storeroom, Eggsy couldn't stomach the thought of leaving him there, knowing
he'd killed him and living with that for the rest of his life.
"Eggsy." Harry leaned forward, careful of his side, and reached out. Eggsy
flinched away from him, but he caught the boy's wrist and held on, didn't pull
forward, but didn't let him pull back either. "We'll worry about it in the
morning, yes? It's not over. I owe you more than I can ever repay. You won't be
out on your again." Harry searched for his eyes. Eggsy's lower lip trembled and
his breaths came fast, fighting back tears. Merlin crouched at Harry's side and
Harry could feel Merlin's attention on him more than it was on Eggsy, but Harry
couldn't break his gaze.
"Just... let go, stop touching me, I can't right now." It was too much. Being
back in Harry's presence, remembering everything between them and what Harry
had done, was difficult enough. Eggsy couldn't handle Harry staring at him,
smiling at him, touching him with familiarity and reassurance like nothing had
ever gone wrong between them. "I know it ain't over, but I don't know what I'm
gonna do now."
Harry pulled his hand away and sat back. He sighed, but it was due to tiredness
more than Eggsy's words. It hurt, but they were alive, and nothing would top
that. Harry looked at Merlin, and offered him a half smile. Merlin would know
what it meant without words. Eggsy's presence at HQ wouldn't be exactly
welcome, but neither would it be strictly prohibited now. They were going to
have a long day ahead of themselves tomorrow, and unfortunately Merlin was
going to have to keep tabs on Eggsy if Harry couldn't.
Merlin didn't look thrilled at the notion that he was, yet again, stuck minding
the boy for Harry's sake, and Harry caught him muttering under his breath as he
retrieved the med kit and ignored Harry's tired protestations. Harry couldn't
exactly blame him for his sour mood, after worrying for days only to be greeted
with another set of problems and one very beat-up agent he was supposed to be
responsible for, but Harry also suspected that Merlin was patching the minor
wounds he could get to with the most uncomfortable disinfectants he could out
of irritation.
"I hope you're considering what you're going to tell Arthur to explain all of
this, given what he's been told about where Eggsy's been," Merlin pointed out.
Harry caught Eggsy watching him with another lie on his tongue. He gave a heavy
sigh. "We'll deal with that when we get there. Just...try to keep him out of
Arthur's sight in the meantime."
It didn't take them long to return to the estate. As soon as they landed,
Merlin and the pilot helped Harry out and into the waiting hands of the medical
staff. Eggsy trailed behind them through gilded hall after gilded hall, all the
way down to the less ornate portion of the facility, but he was kept out of the
room they swept Harry off into and told he was to wait in one of the guest's
quarters instead.
The room was better than the cubbies and couches and other places Eggsy had
been sleeping since running away, but stark and harshly lit. Eggsy sat on the
edge of the cot and looked around. It had the feel of a prison, in a way, which
was fitting enough. Eggsy was trapped in the choice he'd made, and now he'd
have to live with the consequences.
Some time later, a knock came at the door. Eggsy wanted to yell at whoever it
was to go away, but before he could speak, Merlin ducked into the room.
"Wot you doin' here?" he asked from the cot. If the man had expected him to ask
how Harry was, Eggsy wasn't going to play along. He was still uncertain what
they were going to do with him, and if he didn't like it, whether he had any
hope of escape. Fantasies of slipping off and somehow escaping to a foreign
country had been filling his head, maybe even one of the places he'd visited
that summer with Harry, somewhere he felt like he knew even just a little, but
those fantasies were old and tired now. He had gone off on his own with nothing
before, and his thoughts weren't so glamorous now, if even possible.
"I'm here to check on you. I won't bother asking how you're doing, as that's
plainly obvious." Merlin crossed the room and took a seat on the cot beside
Eggsy, although he left a good deal of room between them. "You're likely in
shock, and I wouldn't blame you for that. If you feel like you can stomach
something, I can have food brought here, or I can take you to the cafeteria if
you'd rather not stay in this room. I also need to know if you were hurt during
the fight."
Eggsy shifted away from Merlin and looked him up and down. He was hungry, or he
thought he probably was, but mostly he felt numb interspersed with moments of
panic and despair before he went numb again, like the whole night and his
future kept crashing back down on him and he couldn't escape it. Maybe that was
what Merlin meant by shock.
"'m not hurt," Eggsy said after a moment. "...what do they got to eat in the
cafeteria?"
"Quite a lot. This is a big place, with a lot of employees, and people are
working around the clock." Merlin contemplated what to suggest; heavy foods
were good for shock, but he was also dealing with a child's palette. "Usually a
couple tureens of soup are always on hand, but I would guess you'd be more
interested in the grill. The chef on staff can make whatever you want to order.
There's also a section for ordering Indian food, if you're partial to that. A
lot of the staff are."
Merlin shrugged. "There's also an ice cream machine in one corner. Surprisingly
popular, given how health-conscious so many of us have to be, but training does
burn a lot of energy."
Eggsy's brows furrowed, but he supposed he shouldn't have been surprised, from
what he'd seen of this place the first time. He wasn't even sure what he wanted
to eat, but he nodded, thinking that maybe if he got out of this room, he might
be able to think of something else than the future plaguing his mind. "'kay."
With that, Merlin let him out of the room and led him back down long halls to
their destination. The cafeteria was furnished more like the upper portions of
the building were. With actual tables and no plastic and everything, it looked
more like a restaurant, but true to what Merlin had said, there was a buffet
and a menu to order from if what they wanted wasn't already available. Even at
such an hour in the morning, they were welcomed by a small staff of servers and
asked for their orders.
Eggsy, in the end, just picked out a small sandwich with tea and ice cream.
Merlin also bought a sandwich and some coffee. Eggsy would be more likely to
eat if he wasn't eating alone, and Merlin suspected that he wasn't going to be
getting any rest for some time yet. He felt close to collapse and certainly
looked it with the dark circles under his eyes from working overtime to find
Harry, but the job wasn't done yet. Harry would have to pass his mission off to
another agent and handler team, and then Eggsy would have to be dealt with.
Merlin couldn't begrudge the boy the additional hassle. He'd been key to Harry
surviving.
They sat down at one of the tables and ate quietly. For Eggsy it was slow
going. He took bites of his sandwich and ate half the ice cream, but he did
drink his tea. About five minutes after they arrived, Eggsy saw one of the
servers dishing up a container of soup and another cup of tea before he carried
it out of the room, and instantly he suspected he knew where that man was
headed. Again, he fought back the urge to ask if Harry was ok. Eggsy knew he
was ok. Or he seemed to be ok, if he wasn't lying about internal injuries.
Eggsy had seen him fight like....like nothing Eggsy had ever seen before.
"Eggsy." The boy's attention was drawn back to the man sitting across from him,
sipping coffee. Eggsy remembered him as imposing, even threatening, and more so
once he'd realized how Harry's friend had been tied to the cameras that had
allowed Harry to track him down, but right then Landon just looked haunted,
tired, and all the smaller for it. "I don't pretend to know why you chose to
save Harry's life, but I appreciate it more than you can understand. I realize
you're just as poorly inclined to put any trust in me, but things will work
out, and I'll help in whatever manner I can."
Eggsy didn't know what to say to that. It was...almost unsettling that this man
was offering help now, and gratitude. Just like it had been when Harry had done
the same back in the helicopter. Eggsy didn't know how he felt about accepting
their help. He didn't even know what that would mean. So he shrugged one
shoulder and, again, tried not to think about the way he'd found Harry,
unexpectedly, and everything he'd had to think about after that. The way Harry
had looked with his arms wrapped around that post, half his face a mottled
bruise that looked even worse underneath his collar, the way he'd moved when he
saw Eggsy.... It wasn't like Harry normally moved. Eggsy had never imagined
seeing him that way before, and even now it was hard to think about.
"Dunno what I'm gonna do," Eggsy said when Merlin didn't stop watching him.
"You have some time to think about it, and to find options. I realize you
probably feel trapped at this point, but you don't need to be. You will most
likely have to accept our help to get set up in whatever new life you choose,
but I imagine right now you fear that Harry is going to, more or less, restrict
your choices so that you're forced to live with him." Merlin sipped at his
coffee and appraised the boy. He knew he couldn't be far off the mark. "You
don't need to worry about that. If you don't wish to stay with him, you won't
have to. It would take some time to get you set up with a foster family, but
it's possible and one option. We can look into programs and private tutors to
get you caught up in your schooling and plan for university, if you still have
a desire to go. You're not going to be trapped or forced into anything."
Eggsy shrank into himself even though Merlin's words were meant to be
comforting. They should have been comforting. But Eggsy had gotten used
to...expecting certain things from the world. He couldn't think of any foster
family who'd want him, and even if they thought they did, he knew better than
to think he'd fit in. But he nodded anyway, just to show that he'd heard
Merlin. He didn't have the courage just then to talk back to this man, even if
he didn't look as intimidating as he usually did. Eggsy still didn't know how
he'd react, or how to deal with him. Harry was easier to lash out at. It was
strange though, when he thought about just how well Merlin, or Landon as Eggsy
had known him, must know Eggsy by now. Or how many intimate moments he'd seen
in Eggsy's life even if he didn't get to know Eggsy.
Eggsy finally looked up, not knowing what to do with that thought. He looked
back down at his plate and one feeling washed over him. "'m tired."
"I'll take you back to the guest room, then." Merlin got to his feet and walked
Eggsy back through the hallways towards the small room that had been
appropriated for his use. Headquarters was intimidating in a very different way
than the places Eggsy had been living, and just as dangerous. On the streets,
Eggsy knew the people around him and what the rules were, what to do and what
might happen. Here, underground and surrounded by deadly strangers, all of whom
were part of a powerful and secret organization like cogs in a well-oiled
machine, Eggsy felt powerless and fragile. He didn't know the rules, and he
didn't have an escape plan if things turned sour.
Merlin dropped him off at the room, and Eggsy would have to stay there.
That night Eggsy's sleep was filled with half dreams and half nightmares in
which Harry had found him again, but then it changed into Harry being captured,
Harry being tortured while Eggsy and the people he'd worked for looked on.
Vivian had put a baseball bat to Harry's back and ribs. Bastian had stood by
his side and made comments about the upper class. Eggsy dreamed Harry was dying
and he was too terrified to do anything because if he helped Harry, then Harry
would catch him up in his web again and there would be no escape.
===============================================================================
A soft knock at his door woke him, disoriented and not recognizing the room
he'd fallen asleep in. A second later, the handle turned and revealed Harry
standing in the doorway, dressed this time in a pair of dark pyjamas with
bandages poking out from under the collar and one resting over the bruising on
his cheek.
Eggsy recoiled in terror, still half-caught in nightmares. Harry appearing in
such a strange, unfamiliar setting had the feel of a dream to it, particularly
when the rest of his dreams had featured the man, but after a moment memories
of the previous night came flooding back. He remembered helping Harry escape,
and the gunfight in the rain, and the terrible injuries that had nearly made
Harry fall when he first tried to stand. Eggsy remembered the helicopter ride
back, too, and the sad look Harry had given him when he'd asked not to be
touched. It was similar to the expression Harry wore right then, watching Eggsy
where the boy pressed himself back against the wall in response to the visitor
in his doorway.
"Not a very good morning, I see," Harry broke the silence. "Thought I'd ask
whether you'd like anything for breakfast. And to let you know that you're
welcome to come out and see the grounds whenever you're ready. Those in charge
have been notified you're here and you won't be bothered." Harry managed to
wipe away some of the expression, to turn it into something softer, more
placid, but Eggsy could still hear it in everything Harry didn't say.
"Oh." Eggsy's mind took a second to catch up. He'd never been a morning person
at the best of times. "I-... y-yeah, I guess. I thought I was stuck in here,
until..."
The remainder of that thought was no more tactful, so Eggsy abruptly changed
topics. "I was having nightmares, 'fore you knocked. Gettin' shot at, you
gettin' beat up. I didn't really expect you outside of my actual room, right
after that. You must be doin' alright, if they let you out of the hospital?"
Harry blinked, surprised a little at Eggsy's willingness to talk. "I am. A few
bandages and a bit of rest and supper, and I'll be feeling better in no time."
It was hard to tell whether Harry was downplaying his injuries, and Eggsy
noticed the cane in Harry's left hand, tucked into the folds of his pyjamas and
only just visible. He didn't have his weight on it just then, but it must have
helped him walk. Sure enough, when Harry stepped inside, he was slower than
normal and he used it to take some of his weight. He left a good distance
between himself and Eggsy, but pulled a chair over for him to sit upon. "And
how are you feeling this morning? Besides those nightmares."
Even with the distance, Eggsy could feel his internal tension rise the closer
Harry got to him. Hearing his voice brought back a flood of memories. Eggsy
found it difficult to look at Harry, but impossible not to. He knew Harry was
dangerous even when injured. He'd seen proof of that last night. That wasn't,
however, the only reason Eggsy found himself scanning over Harry's features,
lingering on familiar spots and examining each bandage and bruise. "Not that
great. Kinda sick, I guess."
Harry nodded. "You went through a lot last night," he began, although that
wasn't the only reason Eggsy felt sick. "And you did very well out there. You
saved my life, Eggsy." Harry closed his mouth, words failing him. There was too
much to say and no good way to put it all into words. Harry moistened his lips
and reached for the only thing he be certain he could express at that moment.
"Thank you."
Eggsy nodded. His throat had closed up, throttling everything he wanted to
express. Harry was looking back at him with the same caring warmth Eggsy
remembered, and he had to avert his gaze to the floor in order not to be
overwhelmed. Not to be drawn in and wanting to touch the Harry he thought he'd
known. Eggsy licked his lips and his voice came out in a harsh whisper. "I
wasn't gonna leave you to die. I couldn't do that."
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Harry look away. Just as Eggsy had done.
Harry nodded, and it seemed that he couldn't speak either. His lips parted and
then closed. A minute passed before Harry tried again.
"Let's go get some breakfast, shall we?" He pushed back the chair and had to
use the cane to stand, but he stood straight when he was up, still a good
distance away. He looked composed on the outside, but Eggsy could tell he
wasn't.
"Y-yeah, okay." Eggsy didn't really want to go. He didn't want to have to face
Harry, or anyone else who worked for the organization. He didn't know if his
stomach would keep any food down, given that it felt like it was twisted into
knots.
But he didn't want to stay in that room all day either, waiting until the next
visitor came to see him. Eggsy didn't have the luxury of not having to deal
with Harry right then. He'd saved the man's life, and for the moment they were
stuck together. Eggsy got to his feet and tugged on his clothes, which were a
bit rumpled from sleep and not exactly fresh, but serviceable. The realization
that he was back to not having a change of clothes hit Eggsy a moment later and
his mood plummeted. All of his belongings had been back at the warehouse or at
Vivian's place.
Harry had looked away for most of that, but when he caught Eggsy glancing down
at his jeans and his jumper, he caught on quickly. "You still have all your old
clothes at my place, and other things. I can see that they're brought to you,
wherever you go."
When Eggsy looked up at him, Harry looked away to the door like he was itching
to get out of there, or perhaps just to avoid Eggsy's judgement for keeping
such things. He had no idea Harry still kept them tucked away in Eggsy's room.
He'd straightened it up and kept it tidy while the boy was supposedly away at
school, but Harry generally didn't have visitors who’d notice.
"How come you kept my stuff, if I wasn't comin' back?" That didn't make any
sense to Eggsy. All he could think was that maybe Harry had been so confident
that he'd come running back as soon as things turned difficult, living on the
street, that Harry had kept Eggsy’s stuff in anticipation of his return, but
surely after enough time passed, Harry would have realized that Eggsy wasn't
going to come back. Eggsy shoved his hands into his pockets and frowned at the
floor. "Don't matter, I guess. Won't fit anyways. I've grown a bit since then."
"Ah." Harry frowned as well, embarrassed he hadn't taken such an obvious factor
into account. "Well then. I'm sure we can find you a spare set of pyjamas while
your clothes are in the wash, and get you some more as soon as possible." He
moved for the door, needing to end the uncomfortable thread of conversation for
the moment. Harry held it open for Eggsy, but his body language made it clear
that he was ready to move when Eggsy came closer.
Eggsy didn't want to walk past Harry, or even get too close, but refusing to do
so would be tantamount to declaring that he was afraid of Harry. He was afraid
of Harry, but he didn't want to admit it. Harry wasn't going to suddenly murder
him, or kidnap him as far as Eggsy knew. It wasn't like the man was going to
corner him and start ripping his clothes off, either. Eggsy had the misfortune
of picturing that thought just as he'd stood up straighter and begun walking
for the door, braced against flinching back from Harry. A flush of colour crept
across his cheeks and he ducked his head.
Harry waited only as long as he needed to before he let the door shut behind
Eggsy and they moved out into the hall. Harry led as casually as he could with
his injuries, but he made no sound of discomfort and kept their pace up. Eggsy
had to wonder whether he was putting more effort into looking together than he
was letting on.
They passed other personnel occasionally, and Eggsy had to step behind Harry a
few times to let them by, but walking the halls wasn't as bad as being cooped
up in a room with Harry alone.
When they arrived at the cafeteria, Eggsy could already smell fresh pancakes.
Harry took them up to the counter to order, and the server didn't appear to
pick up on the tension between them, smiling genially to Harry when he asked
for a plate of waffles and a coffee.
"Waffles an' juice, please," Eggsy replied when it came time for his order.
Things were going well enough until the server brought both plates of waffles
over, glancing between the two of them before making a comment that 'his boy'
was adorable. The woman clearly thought they were father and son. If staff knew
Harry well, they would probably remember that he had adopted a son. Eggsy still
froze for a moment, his blood turning to ice water. He couldn't even force
himself to smile at the server. He took his plate and retreated for a table.
Harry, however, didn't miss a beat and thanked the woman politely. Eggsy didn't
hear whether Harry explained away his behaviour as just shy or moody at being
called adorable, but the server didn't look like she thought anything of it as
Harry departed and she went back to work.
Eggsy had picked a table as far away in the corner as he could, and Harry
didn't say anything about the encounter when he sat down opposite. He simply
sighed and sipped his coffee before he reached for the syrup and began to pour
it over his breakfast. Harry couldn't stay silent forever though, not when
there were that many loose threads left between them. "I've been looking into
places you might stay over the next few days, while we decide where you'd like
to go from there."
"Oh? Like what?" Eggsy wasn't able to keep the defensiveness out of his tone.
He was resentful that, once again, Harry had profoundly altered his life
course, even if it was partially due to his own choices this time. Eggsy told
himself that he hadn't had a choice. Harry being there the way he'd been had
forced him to act, and so the dissolution of Eggsy's life was Harry's fault.
"Some poor bastard 'ere gonna get stuck with me as part of their job, 'cause
they're gonna get ordered to take me in? Or is it somethin' else, 'cause you
can't let anyone here know what happened with me?"
Harry shook his head. He was becoming more accustomed to Eggsy's biting
accusations, or at least a little more prepared for them. "No one here, unless
you'd like to stay with Landon." The corner of Harry's mouth lifted and Eggsy
scowled. "A temporary foster family, rather. I have a couple in mind, that
still need looking into, but at first glance...each of them seems like a decent
home to go to in the interim." At Eggsy's narrowed eyed scepticism, Harry
explained further. "All they'll know is your mother's situation and that you've
been stuck in the system for a couple years since then. Of course we're not
going through the actual channels of the local authorities, but...you still
will not have to deal with me, should you not want to."
Eggsy's frown deepened. He hadn't expected Landon to be telling the truth at
all, and yet here was Harry magnanimously keeping his hands out of the picture.
Supposedly. "You're really gonna do that? And you think I'm gonna buy that
you're not gonna bug the entire place and manipulate those people until they do
exactly what you want? I'm not that dumb anymore."
A change came over Harry as the seconds passed. His face had been sombre
before, almost accepting of Eggsy's spite, but now his face turned cold as
Eggsy watched. "I let you live in a drug den for more than a year and did
nothing," Harry spoke under his breath, but Eggsy heard him as clear as if he
were the only voice in the cafeteria. "You could have died out there and I'd
have--" Harry bit back the rest. "Do you think you're any less safe from my
reach in a house as you were running around London?"
"No, and that's the bloody point, you fuckin' wanker," Eggsy growled. The
effect of his anger was only slightly reduced by his size and the higher,
childish pitch of his voice. "Even when I escaped from you, I never could! You
bloody well made it clear you could've come snatched me up any time you damn
well pleased, and I didn't forget it for a second. I had to keep wonderin',
every time I went out, if that was gonna be the day. If I was gonna hear that
somethin' went down with my mum. If you were gonna roll up in a car an' drag me
off. You were always watchin', and I was never really free of you, 'cause you
were in my head too. And then I had a chance to really get free of you, and I
couldn't."
Eggsy looked down at the plate of waffles in front of him, fighting back tears
and rage. "I couldn't let you die. I thought about it. 'bout how then I
wouldn't have to worry no more. You wouldn't be right behind me, just waitin'
to snatch me up, or hurt people to get to me. But I couldn't. I thought about
livin' with you dead, knowin' I'd killed you 'cause I could've saved you and I
didn't, and I got all sick just thinkin' of it. An' I hate you for that."
Silence fell between them but for Eggsy's heavy breathing. Harry looked like
he'd been slapped. He wasn't cold any longer. He was anything but, lips parted
and eyes wide. "I...," Harry's voice wavered. His hands shook when he lowered
them to the table. He had no smooth reassurances to offer or seemingly intimate
advances. Not even a quip that Eggsy had missed him after all. Harry simply
looked wrecked.
"I shouldn't be doing this to you," Harry finally said, quietly. His fists
clenched atop the table and then he rose, putting his napkin down and taking up
his cane. "Merlin will see to it that you find a place to stay before you
decide on somewhere more permanent." Harry wasn't looking at Eggsy anymore. He
stepped away from the table, leaving his breakfast forgotten behind him.
Eggsy watched him go with red-rimmed eyes and an angry, sorrowful mouth. Gone
was the pretence of smooth control and a facsimile of grace. Harry was too
distraught to hide the pain of his injuries, physical or emotional. Eggsy had
thought that it would feel good to hurt the man just a little bit, and it did,
but it hurt him at the same time. Eggsy wanted to run after Harry, and he
couldn't have said if he would have hugged him or punched him once he caught up
to him.
The impulse eventually won out. Eggsy abandoned the table and his own
breakfast. Part of the boy even wanted to laugh, as he tailed the retreating
figure just exiting the room. Harry had spent so much time stalking him, and
now here he was, following Harry when he didn't want to be followed.
Harry half turned to look over his shoulder as he ambled down the hallway, but
he didn't stop. "Go back and finish your breakfast. I'll not have you accuse me
of trying to starve you. You've said quite enough already." Harry turned away
and focused on walking, but Eggsy was still too fast for him even when he
wasn't trying to moderate his steps into a natural gait with the cane.
"You ain't starvin' me. You never did, and you ain't startin' now. You sure as
shit are runnin' away now that you gotta deal with what you did do to me,
though." Eggsy sped up until he was right by Harry's side, keeping pace with
him. "You owe me. For everythin', and especially for savin' your life. You
don't get to walk out on me now."
Harry whirled on him right there in the hall. "I do owe you. I am running away.
Isn't this what you want? What more could I offer you? I'll see to it you're
set for life, wherever you want to be, and, barring completely unforeseen
circumstances in which I am captured by arms dealers you just happen to be
working for, you will never see me again. If there's anything else I can do,
tell me now."
Eggsy couldn't explain what happened next. Harry's words triggered a flood of
conflicting emotions. The boy's hands curled into fists and he barrelled into
Harry, punching and kicking and driving him back against the wall of the
hallway. Harry must have been taken by surprise, or perhaps only making a half-
hearted attempt to defend himself, because one of Eggsy's fists collided right
into his injured ribs.
Harry jerked and curled downwards. Somehow, only a moment later, he found
himself with the boy's arms around him and tears staining his pyjama shirt
while Eggsy stifled the beginning few hitched breathes that signalled a
breakdown.
For a moment Harry couldn't breathe, but whether it was because of Eggsy's well
placed fist or at the shock of being hugged was hard to say. He crouched down
to the floor until his legs could sprawl out underneath him, Eggsy still curled
around his chest.
Slowly, carefully, with a pounding heart and breath he barely dared draw, Harry
wrapped an arm around Eggsy's back. When his sobs hitched, but didn't stop,
Harry wrapped the other one around him as well. Eggsy's hair brushed his cheek
when he bent his head, and Harry found he could barely speak. "I'm sorry,
Eggsy. I'm so sorry."
Once Eggsy started crying, he couldn't stop. Everything he'd bottled up since
he ran away bubbled to the surface with interest. Eggsy felt split down the
middle. He missed the man he'd fallen in love with. He hated the stranger who'd
taken his place. Harry was both in one body, repelling and drawing him in at
the same time, familiar and unknowable. Eggsy didn't know what to do, and so he
clung and wept for everything he'd lost and everything that had happened and
all of the pain he felt.
Harry hung on. Eggsy could feel the man's heart beating, solid against him just
as his own beat wildly. Harry’s arms were familiar and they were warm. Harry
bent to press his face into Eggsy's hair, and even that was familiar. So was
the scent of him, and the feel of him, too. The way Harry's breath hitched
wasn't, but Eggsy would still recognize his voice anywhere.
"I still love you, Eggsy," Harry whispered, so softly.
"I can't trust nothin' you say," Eggsy countered tearfully. He was still afraid
of Harry, if less so in this place. Harry wouldn't do anything to him here,
near so many of his coworkers, not when Eggsy remembered that things between
them had been secret even during his first fateful visit to headquarters. What
was worse was that Harry was so familiar, so missed, that he ached. For the old
Harry he'd loved. The Harry that didn't exist, the act designed to get him into
Harry's home and bed.
Harry's head dropped lower, but he didn't let go. He didn't try to pull away
and run again. He just held on until Eggsy could feel Harry's heart beating as
fast as his own.
Footsteps echoed down the long corridor and Harry lifted his head. He made some
kind of a gesture over Eggsy's which he couldn't see, but whoever had stumbled
upon them turned right back around and left as quickly as they'd come. Harry's
arm went back around Eggsy, and he didn't seem particularly startled by the
event. Perhaps hallway breakdowns were normal around there. Or maybe just when
someone nearly died.
"You don't get to run away from me," Eggsy finally murmured once he got his
voice back. He was still tucked against Harry, loving the arms holding him
close and hating them at the same time. He wanted his Harry, but his Harry
didn't exist. "You owe me and you don't get to just... send me away to some
people and say I don't gotta see you anymore. You don't get to disappear on me
like that."
Eggsy felt Harry's head shift, like he was trying to look at him. It was
strange how Harry's every movement when they were this close could spell out
entire emotions. He could tell Harry hadn't been expecting that. He'd probably
been expecting anything but that.
"What do you want me to do?" Harry finally asked, voice soft, but calmer than
he'd been a minute ago. It didn't waver any longer.
Eggsy felt a ripple of sorrow. He knew what he wanted, but that was impossible.
He couldn't rewrite reality. He couldn't make Harry back into the person he
loved, or change everything that had happened. All Eggsy had was the present.
"I don't know. I don't wanna stay with you. Or with any friends of yours. But
so long as you're not gonna swoop in and kidnap me, I don't want you
disappearin' neither. I think you owe me some answers, and more."
Eggsy felt Harry stop breathing. After another pause, Harry spoke. "I...can do
that." Uncertainty was clear in his voice. He'd expected Eggsy never to want to
see him again. This was Harry out of his depth again, which was a state Eggsy
was becoming more accustomed to seeing him in. It was a world away from the
Harry he'd known when they'd lived together. But Eggsy saw through a lot now,
and Eggsy still didn't have very much leverage on his own, but Harry didn't
have all the power anymore.
Eggsy relaxed against Harry for a moment. Harry felt so familiar that it hurt -
both his embrace and the scent of him, skin musk under layers of cologne and
soap. Eggsy wanted so badly for the man beneath him to be the one he wanted,
but he was an imposter. Eggsy exhaled. "I wish you'd been who you said you
were."
Harry swallowed. A drop of wetness fell upon Eggsy’s temple, but Harry didn't
say anything. If Eggsy looked up, Harry's face wouldn't be the kind mask it so
often was anymore, but Harry still didn't have anything to say for himself.
"We should get up," Harry said instead. "Let me take you to a more comfortable
guest room if you're tired. Or come with me to Merlin's office and we can take
a look at places you might stay for a while."
"I want to pick where I go. I don't want you or anyone else deciding for me
anymore." Eggsy had had quite enough of being told what to do, or where to go,
or how to live. Now that he wasn't answering to a crime organization where he
needed to fear for his life, Eggsy wasn't keen on letting anyone dictate his
fate or gain control over him.
"Okay," Harry said when Eggsy sat up. "Then we'll look through the database of
families who would be open to accepting someone short term, and you can decide
who you'd like to stay with. Unless you have anyone else in mind." Harry raised
a brow, but it was fairly clear that Eggsy didn't. With a hand to the wall and
a steady hold on his cane, Harry managed to lift himself off the floor. He
didn't hide the wince of pain it caused, but he did straighten again and school
himself when it was over.
"I get to pick," Eggsy repeated. "An' you don't get to disappear. It's nice
you're gonna help me with figuring out families to adopt me and school stuff
and all that, but that's not the only thing I want or need."
Eggsy looked around them. The hallway was fairly deserted, but he knew better
than to think that meant it was safe to talk plainly. It shouldn't have
mattered. Any repercussions Harry incurred from the secret being leaked would
have been on his head, but Eggsy didn't want that. Not the way people might
treat him and look at him, or the way it would put Harry out of reach. "I
don't... wanna talk about it here."
"Merlin's office it is, then." Harry nodded once and began to make his way down
the hall. Eggsy walked beside him with the same amount of space that had been
there before, but his posture was more determined now. Harry didn't comment on
it, but it was easy to see the man didn't quite know what to make of this
change. He'd offered to see that Eggsy was set. He'd said he'd owed Eggsy so
much, even way back when before Eggsy had gotten him out of Belmont Industries.
Eggsy had refused him every time before, and he'd expected little to change.
Everything had changed. Harry had forgotten what it was to be young, when the
smallest space of time made an enormous difference. Eggsy had seen things, and
done things. He'd tasted of fear and freedom. The boy was not so innocent
anymore, and he had a clearer notion of what he wanted out of life and what was
open to him.
Chapter End Notes
     Come join us again this Saturday (4/9) for the Dark_Kingsman_Block
     Party!
***** Chapter 38 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Eggsy kept pace with Harry all the way to Merlin's office, and it was unnerving
for Harry to feel himself being dissected by the gaze of one so young and dear
to him.
When they reached the door, Harry knocked.
Eggsy's expression didn't change, even when he was about to see Merlin again.
Harry wouldn't have known whether Eggsy was more comfortable with Merlin than
him, but it was clear he expected that to be the case when he'd tried to run
away earlier. Funny how it used to be the other way around. Harry placed both
hands on the cane and turned to the door when it opened, revealing a narrow-
eyed Merlin.
They were two of a pair now, to Eggsy's eyes. Harry and the boy stepped inside,
allowing Merlin to shut the door behind them, and Eggsy reflected on the last
time he'd been in that office. Merlin had known so much, and yet he'd comforted
Eggsy and sent him right back into the lion's den. "Well. How's things? Any new
interestin' cameras? You do all the camera business for the spies here, in't
that right?"
"That's right, he does," Harry answered for Merlin when he looked down at Eggsy
with a raised brow. There were a few extra chairs around the room, so Harry
pulled up one for himself and one for Eggsy before he turned to Merlin and sat
down, slowly. "We'd like to look over the list of open households again, within
whatever parameters Eggsy would like. It'll be his choice."
Merlin surveyed the two of them with more than a bit of surprise. He hadn't
expected to see them amiably together, more or less, much less in his office.
"Right. Well, there aren't too many open at the moment. Believe it or not,
there's a seasonality to witnesses coming forward, and thus to protection
programs and fostering. There are a few that are open in the UK, and more
abroad, if you're open to the possibility."
Eggsy shook his head. "I don't wanna get shipped off overseas. I'm gonna have
enough trouble going back to school as it is."
"Let's start in London, somewhere you'd be familiar, but perhaps not too close
to where you were living on the East side. I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate
running into any of your old friends over there on the tube by accident." Harry
ignored Eggsy's eyes on him and instead watched Merlin turn to his screens and
bring up a map of the city on one and a database to search on another.
One after another, Eggsy rejected open households. Some were living in
neighbourhoods he didn't want to live in. Others, he didn't like the look of
the people who would be taking him in. The scope of Merlin's search results
were narrowed until, at last, Eggsy picked a couple living in a rather large
flat. They were well off, but not so much as to own a house, and willing to
foster while considering starting a family of their own.
When Eggsy announced his approval, both men turned to look at him. Harry
especially looked like he didn't quite believe it.
It wasn't that the couple didn't look nice, or their background didn't check
out, or that they weren't old enough to handle a boy on the cusp of adolescence
for a short period, it was that their flat was in South Kensington. Several
streets away from Harry's house.
The silence stretched between the three of them, and so Harry took a breath and
broke it. "You haven't forgotten where I live, have you?"
"Nah, I ain't never gonna forget that," Eggsy countered. "But it ain't like
livin' across town stopped you from watchin' me or hauntin' my doorstep any.
Did it? Way I figure it, here's where you get to prove to me that you're not
just talkin' bullocks, one of a couple of ways. You start tellin' me the truth,
all of it, no leavin' shit out hoping I never catch on. I get all the answers I
want. I get all the help I want, and you piss off if I don't want your help and
opinions on somethin'. I live where I wanna live, and you start provin' to me
that you'll leave me alone if you say you're gonna, no matter where I'm livin'.
With you, it don't make much difference if I'm a couple of streets or a couple
of countries away if you wanna mess with me."
Both men stared at him. Harry's mouth wasn't hanging open precisely, but only
just. If Eggsy wasn't mistaken, the corners of Merlin's mouth were fighting not
to turn upward.
Harry looked to his friend and glowered before he turned back to Eggsy, brows
knit, but expression calmer. "...alright then, I can do that. If there are
things you'd still like to know, I'll tell you." Harry bit the inside of his
lip, but he didn't look nervous at the prospect, exactly, more like he was
steeling himself in thought. "And I will do the best I can to see to it that
you have whatever you need. And whatever I can provide that you want."
"Good, that's a start. But I guess we'll see if you're gonna actually do it.
Seems I remember other times you told me things that weren't true, an' it
weren't about protectin' your spy agency." Eggsy leaned back in his chair and
crossed his arms. "Maybe some of it, but you didn't want me knowin' what you
were, because you didn't want me knowin' what you were capable of. Mostly
'cause you didn't want me to figure out what you'd been doin'. Right?"
Some of the confusion faded away from Harry's features, leaving him placid,
slouched in his chair ever so slightly forward. Merlin watched as though he was
perfectly comfortable with the display in front of him and content to go
unnoticed. "Yes. That's true. Both reasons are true," Harry answered. "I
wouldn't have been able to tell you who I was regardless, but it helped that
you didn't believe I had the power to do everything that I did." Harry's face
didn't change when he spoke. Eggsy could see pain there, but he didn't shy away
from his words. His voice didn't falter, and he didn't take his eyes off Eggsy.
Eggsy's chin lifted just a bit more. He'd thought he'd started to figure some
things out, but it helped to have his suspicions confirmed. Helped, too, to see
pain on Harry's face, or at least a facade of it. Eggsy didn't know whether
Harry was hurting or not, just like he'd not been able to tell when he was
lying before. The man was too good of an actor. "What had you been goin' to do?
Just never tell me, keep playin' me so I never figured stuff out? Keep doin'
stuff to my mum to keep her out of the way?"
"I didn't plan to tell you, ever, about what I'd done to get custody of you,
but after that was accomplished, and after you found out about Kingsman...,"
Harry gave a barely perceptible shrug, "there was nothing else I needed to do.
I had no further reasons to change the course of your life beyond that." Harry
did break eye contact then, looking somewhere into the middle distance of the
floor. "I imagined you'd grow up, and that over time you would lose interest in
me. Probably as prospects your own age became available to you, as tends to
happen when growing up. I had hoped...that your feelings of fondness, of
affection, even if it turned into something more familial, would remain for me
into your adult life." Harry's voice grew quiet. "You must understand, I'm a
forty one year old man. For something like we had...I don't have any chances
left."
Eggsy's features twisted in fury. He grabbed ahold of the first thing within
reach, which happened to be a cup full of pens. They clattered everywhere while
the cup hit Harry square in the chest, much to Merlin's scowling distaste. "You
utter prick. You were just gonna-... Everything was gonna be a lie, then, until
you dumped me off on someone else and just hoped I'd never find out? That I'd
forget about you? And you want me to understand 'cause you think you're too old
for anyone to want you? Have you done this to someone before, and I was just
the last go-round? The stupid kid you thought would be easiest to trick, or
somethin'? Or did you already replace me?"
Harry was on his feet before he could stop himself, looking like he was ready
for a fight. There was real anger on his face, but it drained out of him as
quickly as it came, in a whooshing sigh. The only one who hadn't moved was
Merlin.
"I hadn't done this before. And I haven't replaced you," Harry said. His voice
had gone back to normal, but flat. "I never wanted you to forget about me. But
you would have, in unavoidable ways. Or you'd have never gone on to live your
own life at all." Harry met Eggsy's eyes again, ignoring his seething anger.
"Would that have been better? Had I not only forcibly taken custody of you, but
trapped you henceforth in life tied to me as well? Never having the option for
anything more?"
"Shows what you know, you fuckin' bastard." Eggsy wasn't calm and wasn't
pretending to be. He'd gotten to his feet right after Harry had stood, glaring
up at him. "I ain't-... I ain't got a life after this, I ain't got options for
somethin' more. I didn't want anythin' more, I wanted you, only now I found out
you're not only a liar who hurts people, you were gonna dump me too. And think
I'd just forget about you, and everythin', and you thought I'd be alright with
that?"
Harry's face contorted into something pained. Some spark lit in him, sending
him into a crouch before Eggsy, grabbing the boy's wrists before Eggsy could
strike. "I never wanted to let you go, Eggsy. Do you understand that?" Harry's
voice was a snarl. He didn't let Eggsy twist free. "Do you have any idea how
much it would have hurt me to watch you grow up, to watch your need to explore
take you away from me? And that was what I thought I'd have to choose to
endure, if I could only have you for as long as you'd let me." Harry swallowed.
"I am sorry for the pain I've caused you. For what I've done to your life. I am
not a good man. But I did love you."
"Did. Glad that's cleared up. Trick me into lettin' you have me and fallin' in
love with you, and only lovin' me so long as I was stupid an' trapped and
playin' along. You got what you wanted and now you don't care. That's great for
you an' all, but I can't-" Whatever Eggsy was going to say got choked off. The
boy's throat closed up and his eyes filled with tears. Toughened as he was from
years on the streets, he was still only a boy, and his bravado and anger only
went so far before vulnerability took over.
Harry's hands fell at the same time his face did. There was no more anger
there. He looked terribly sad.
"Do." Eggsy's tears were quickly followed by hitched breaths, and Harry reached
out to touch his cheek. It wasn't the confident touch he'd had before. Harry's
fingers hesitated to stroke away Eggsy's tears and attempt to offer some
comfort. "I do still." Harry looked like he wanted to say more, but he stopped
himself. They both knew Eggsy wanted the man he'd once thought Harry was.
Eggsy cracked. He wanted to escape the room, but he didn't remember where the
guest room was, or if he could run through the halls without getting shot. His
legs collapsed under him, proving he wouldn't have gotten too far even if he'd
gotten out the door. Eggsy buried his face in his hands and tried to stifle the
sounds that wanted to pour out of him along with his tears. He'd thought seeing
Harry would have been difficult because of his fear and anger, but it was worse
than that. Seeing and hearing and being close to the man was opening up old
wounds of a different sort, the loss of the man he loved that he'd never gotten
over.
Long fingers stroked through his hair and another hand laid over his back,
rubbing there softly. It was a caress that sparked memories carefully put away
for a long time. Eggsy caught the smell of the cologne at Harry's wrist and the
feel of the way Harry had always liked to touch his hair. It was overwhelming.
Harry was trying to comfort him. Harry wanted to touch him, but it was like
Harry didn't dare close the distance and pull Eggsy into his arms.
"I don't even know who you are, I don't even know you," Eggsy wailed, voice
thick with grief. "I miss Harry an' I'm never gonna get him back. You've taken
him, too, just like you've taken everythin' else. You seem familiar but you're
not, and I miss him." Everything made Eggsy curl in tighter on himself. He
wanted so badly to reach out. The body in front of him made him ache, but Eggsy
remembered that it was a stranger wearing Harry's skin, just like he'd worn
countless other people on his missions. It was an illusion, but a painfully
tempting one.
"Would you have still loved that Harry if I'd told you all the terrible things
I'd done back then? Before you'd found out on your own?" Harry asked. There
didn't seem to be a moral point to the question, no secret lesson to be learned
in its answer. Perhaps it was for Harry alone that he wanted to know, to know
whether he'd have lost Eggsy either way.
"M-maybe. I d-don't know." It was difficult for Eggsy to imagine that Harry
telling him such things. He'd barely been able to believe that any of it had
been true, even once he'd seen the evidence in front of him. "It don't really
m-matter. You lied to me about everythin', even after you p-promised you'd tell
me the truth, and then I couldn't trust nothin' you told me. I didn't know who
you were, an' you scared me, and for good reason, 'cause... right after I found
out, that you hurt my mum and watched you kill a bunch of people, you hunted me
down. I thought you were gonna kill me in the train yard."
Harry's hand stopped. Eggsy felt arms wrap around him and then he was being
pulled closer, tucked under Harry's chin, held like Harry feared something
might happen to Eggsy if he let go. "I would never hurt you," Harry whispered.
"Not intentionally. Not like that. Never."
Harry's body trembled in the same way Eggsy's did, although Harry managed to
hold on a little better and keep Eggsy wrapped up in his arms. His embrace was
tight. It felt like the desperation Harry had had when he'd held Eggsy in the
hall just hours earlier.
"You already hurt me, and I just watched-... I thought you were gonna kill me,
after I figured it all out and ran away." Eggsy didn't pull away. He was too
upset, and Harry's hold was too strong. Merlin watched the exchange in silence,
giving the both of them space. "I thought you were gonna find me and drag me
away, and then I was gonna die like the people I'd just watched."
"I'm so sorry, Eggsy." Harry rested his forehead against the top of Eggsy's
shoulder. "But I didn't. And I never wanted to. Not even for a moment. Arthur
had no idea you ever left. I made sure of that, and not just for my sake."
Harry sighed. His every breath was long and low, and it didn't sound like he
wanted to speak, but he kept talking anyway. "I know how much I've betrayed
you. I won't ask for you to come back or forgive me. Just...take this
opportunity to better your life."
"I... I wanna know." Eggsy gulped down a sob. Harry was so close. Too close.
Eggsy could smell him, and feel him, and all he wanted to do was stay in the
arms of someone he knew wasn't who he thought he was. "You're gonna help me,
cause you owe me. For this, and for savin' your life. You owe me. But I wanna
know. I wanna know who the hell I slept with and gave so much to, if not who I
thought you were. I don't even know who you are."
Harry paused for a long moment. "You're not expecting to like what you find."
Finally, he pulled back and smoothed his hands over Eggsy's arms like he had to
make sure he hadn't hurt the boy. "I don't know if I expect you to like it
either. Not now." Something like a smile, one that never fully formed, softened
Harry's face, like he was looking back. "If I could have gone about this
differently, there may have been a time when I could have hoped you would.
Nevertheless, your request is more than fair." The warmth slipped away and
Harry nodded. "You should get some actual rest today while we make inquiries
with your chosen family. I suspect we won't be able to meet them until tomorrow
at the earliest."
Eggsy was still red-eyed, cheeks damp from their recent track of tears. He
scrubbed at his face with the back of one hand. "I dunno how to get back there
from here. My room. Or the cafeteria if I want somethin'. I'm not supposed to
be a prisoner, but it kinda feels like it. Everything's cold." Eggsy was used
to cold, but it had been disconcerting to wander his room and find no means of
changing the temperature nor any extra blankets.
"I'm not taking you back to that room," Harry told him. "We have far more
comfortable ones on the ground level. You can even go outside if you'd like.
Maybe take Baxter for a walk." Eggsy didn't cheer at that, but Harry gave him a
small smile and climbed to his feet. "Come, I'll show you the way, and make
sure you know how to get down to the cafeteria." Harry glanced to Merlin, still
sitting calmly at his desk, and nodded. It might have been a gesture of thanks,
for not interrupting or for helping, but Eggsy would truly have no idea if they
could say more than that in one glance.
It hurt that Eggsy hesitated at the doorway. The boy clearly had a moment where
he was considering whether or not it was safe to follow Harry somewhere away
from other people. He did follow, but the hesitation and the backwards glance
he gave Merlin stuck in Harry's mind. Eggsy stayed further away from Harry than
he'd walked in the past, too, just within reach instead of nearly clinging to
Harry's side. Everything reminded Harry of just how far things had
disintegrated between them.
And yet, Eggsy wasn't running away. He wasn't refusing to talk to him or be
near him. He'd let Harry touch him. He'd even agreed to a foster home in the
same general neighbourhood where Harry lived.
It had been his idea, in fact.
They rode a lift in silence up to the ground floor, and when the doors opened,
the whole interior had changed dramatically from what looked more like an
elaborate underground military facility to a true English estate. Harry didn't
pause when he led Eggsy down halls full of paintings of people Eggsy didn't
recognize. The sun even broke through the clouds at some point that day and now
cast its rays throughout the interior. They landed on Harry, making his hair
shine and his face seem warmer. Even if he was still using the cane, it was
hard to imagine he wasn't the Harry Eggsy had once known.
Finally they stopped at a doorway in the corner of the hall, opposite a drawing
room and more doors that looked the same. When Harry pushed back the door for
Eggsy to see inside, it was filled with oak furnishings and golden embroidery.
The bed was as large and as soft as Harry's was, and there was sun coming in
from windows at two sides of the room.
"This should do you a little better, I believe," Harry said quietly.
Eggsy relaxed a little. The room was still unfamiliar, but far better than the
cold militaristic style he'd been staying in below ground. It looked like a
room for a person, not a prisoner or a soldier. There was even a window to the
outside, looking out on an expanse of grass before it turned to hedges and
woods. "Yeah. Fancier than I'm used to, but I guess everything here is." Eggsy
wandered inside, turning around to inspect the room's contents. The way his
eyes lingered in some corners, Harry knew that he was wondering about hidden
cameras.
"Was any of it real?" Eggsy asked at last, looking straight at Harry with a
sorrow far too deep for one so young. "Any of it? Or was it all... an act,
'cause of... what you wanted?"
Harry's eyes saddened. He took a deep breath and it seemed like he had trouble
meeting Eggsy's gaze, but he tried all the same. "Take away what I did to your
mother, what I'd told you about my job and all I knew about you, and the rest
was real. Your father saved my life." Harry broke their gaze and looked down at
the floor before he went on, "and from the first time I saw you the night I
told your mother, I couldn't stop thinking about you. You stayed with me a year
after that in memory alone, before I thought to find you again. But I didn't
try to hide who I was from you in personality and the various lessons in life
that I believe in. I did enjoy Spiderman the first night you read it to me. I
did want to show you the world and watch you flourish in it." The corners of
Harry's mouth turned down as though he expected another outburst from Eggsy.
Harry's admission made things worse, if he could be believed. It made things
complicated. Eggsy pressed his palm against his mouth and tried to imagine that
the Harry in his memory, and the one before him, were the same person. It
seemed an impossibility. The Harry in his memory wouldn't have tried to hurt
him, or his mother. "I... I don't even know what to believe anymore, y'know?
You lied so much, I couldn't tell what was true or not, and I still can't."
Harry nodded, looking resigned. "You can try to sort it out and I'll do my best
to help, but there is likely only so much you will ever believe in the end, or
can bear to dredge up every day." He gave Eggsy a sad, half smile. "But we'll
find out, and we have the time. Get some rest. And if you can't go back to
sleep, go on and head down to the kennels to visit Baxter. There's a lift
around the corner, take that down to the second level and you'll find a map
with the cafeteria. If you need to find me, go there and ask for Galahad,
otherwise I'll be back later this evening to check on you." Harry didn't move
to leave. He didn't straighten or square his shoulders like he used to
sometimes when he was parting ways. He was waiting for Eggsy's dismissal.
Eggsy stared for a moment. He hadn't really had a chance to look before. He'd
been too busy worrying what Harry was going to do, or about helping Harry
escape.
Eventually it became too much. Eggsy ducked his head and broke eye contact.
"Right. Guess I'll see you later, then." Whether he wanted to or not. There
were only so many places he could go, and Eggsy imagined Landon could find him
wherever he went on the property. Or he might run into the scary boss both men
kept talking about, which Eggsy had no desire to do.
"Until then." Harry turned and left the door open behind him, free for Eggsy to
close as he wished.
Harry walked as best he could all the way back down to Merlin's office, passing
personnel who either nodded respectfully or made brief comments on how good it
was to see him back. He was thankful that they'd left him alone with Eggsy by
his side. He leaned against the wall of the lift and tried to clear his mind,
but it was little use. By the time he reached Merlin's door, Harry was
exhausted, physically and emotionally. He knocked once, heard the lock click,
and opened it. Merlin had all the cameras he needed to see who was at his door
and he often disliked getting up just to let someone in. Harry went straight
for his usual chair and collapsed with a sigh.
"I didn't think it went all that poorly, all things considered," Merlin
admonished him. He was already busy typing away, having paid little mind to the
outbursts in his office beyond the discomfort of when they'd happened and the
annoyance of cleaning up afterwards. Merlin wrapped up whatever he was working
on enough to switch his full attention to Harry. "He didn't refuse your help,
nor insist to be as far away from you as humanly possible. He didn't demand to
never be in your presence again. He's shown no inclination to start trouble and
turn you in. He didn't even reject you when you touched him."
Harry pressed his face into his hands and sighed. "Now you're the optimistic
one? He hates me. He may not be running out to tell the nearest authorities,
but he doesn't have any other choice. I think that's finally sunken in for him
that my help is perhaps all he has left, but whatever lingering sympathies he
has for me, he believes they're for a completely different person. And he hates
me for taking that man's place."
"He does have another choice. Perhaps he's doubtful that going to the
authorities would do any good, but he also could have been far more rejecting.
I had talked to him before this, you know. He should know by now that he
doesn't have to see you at all if he doesn't care to and that that would make
no difference in the assistance he can collect, and yet he both willingly chose
a location near you and let you touch him." Merlin tiled his head and surveyed
his friend. Harry looked tired, and far more downcast than he should, by
Merlin's judgment. "You need to convince him that the person he interacted with
while under your care wasn't entirely a persona. That's all, and I don't think
a better opportunity could have been constructed if we'd tried."
Harry looked up at Merlin through his fingers and then began to laugh. He
dropped his hands and shook his head, knowing he sounded a bit hysterical and
more than a bit disbelieving. "He wants answers. He wants...closure that he
never got before. That's all. The Harry he knew wasn't entirely a persona,
but...the damage is done. I've already hurt him. It would take a miracle for
him to ever think kindly of me again." Harry dropped his gaze to the floor
between them. "I'll do my best to provide him with those answers, and give him
whatever else he needs, for however long he wants it. But I don't know if I can
hope for better than that."
"He could get closure without living near you," Merlin pointed out. "Or without
letting you physically touch him to comfort him. I'm honestly surprised he let
you touch him at all, distress or no. You've hurt him, undoubtedly. He's angry
with you for that. He wants an understanding in order to better process what
happened. But surely you know that most people in similar situations refuse to
talk to the people they think have wronged them. He didn't have to talk to you
at all in order to reap the benefit of your help in securing a new future, and
yet he not only did, he sought you out for physical comfort."
"In the hall at breakfast we got into an argument..,” Harry admitted. “He tried
to hit me at first, and then wound up crying in my arms. That contact wasn't
initiated by me. I think...I think he misses the man he thought I was. The one
he feels he loved. He did believe I loved him back then." Merlin's face held a
rare softness when Harry looked up again. It was a kindness he could
appreciate. Merlin wasn't wrong either. When Harry had seen Eggsy off in his
new quarters, all he'd wished for was that the boy could see not everything in
him had been a lie.
"It's a good sign, because you weren't entirely diverged. He's not reconciling
the two experiences because he's taking one of them to be false, rather than
that they happen to be aspects of the same person with a few lies and some
subterfuge interspersed." Harry still looked uncertain. It was a display of
vulnerability few got to see, and Merlin felt all the more privileged for it.
"You simply need to give him some of the healing he needs while demonstrating
that he didn't get to know, and fall for, a persona. He'll have more trouble
rejecting you if he knows that you are the same person he's kept feelings for.
Despite everything else and the distance of time, I might add."
Harry smiled ruefully. "If he decides to stick around for that long." Merlin's
words threatened to hook him and pull him under the very dangerous waters of
hope. If that hope was possible to have, it would have to be explored far more
carefully than this. Harry allowing himself to feel it now would only spell
disaster, and he wasn't particularly convinced it was achievable in anything
but theory. With a sigh, Harry leaned back in his chair. The injuries he'd been
trying to ignore all day were paining him again and he knew it was time to go
back to his quarters for another dose of meds.
"If he does," Merlin agreed. "And it would be on you to convince him to do so.
I doubt he'll take my council, or even ask."
Harry stayed silent, limp against the backrest of the chair he was seated in,
and Merlin felt a flicker of annoyance. "Don't give me this. You've had enough
self-pity. If you botch the chance you've been given because you couldn't be
arsed to seize it, don't look for much sympathy from me. Eggsy had the perfect
chance to kill you in revenge, or have someone else do it for him, and instead
he saved you and called me to pick both of you up. He's done everything but
directly ask you why he should give you a second chance. You had better damn
well take advantage of that."
Reluctantly, a small smile cracked Harry's mouth. He started laughing but had
to hold his side from the pain. "There's the Merlin I know. Now stop bitching
at an injured man and tell me if you've got any Vicodin in here. I could use it
in my coffee." Harry sat up carefully and met Merlin's narrowed gaze with a
smile. "You always know how to cheer me up." It was cheeky, but true. Merlin's
optimism buoyed Harry's spirits considerably, even if he didn't necessarily
believe it could work, himself.
"I can do you better than that. Not that you deserve it, the shite you put me
through," Merlin grumbled. He retracted a key from his pocket and dug into one
of his secured cabinets. A minute or so later he was back in front of Harry,
pressing two pills into his palm. "Don't... go see him during the worst of the
high. Oxy has a tendency to muddle the sense and cause some to babble."
Harry's smile turned wry. "Much appreciated. I might lie down for a few hours
then. You'll keep an eye on him for me? And wake me if anything happens?" Harry
stood with more effort than it had taken him that morning and knew he was
giving Merlin a decidedly pitiable look, wide eyed and earnest. Merlin's mouth
did that downturn that wasn't totally a frown, but was attempting one, whenever
Harry turned that look on him.
"You know I will, damn it. Although keep giving me that, I may decide to keep
an eye on you instead. I'm not stone." Merlin exhaled slowly in exasperation
and pinched the bridge of his nose. Sentimentality and comfort were not his
strong suits. "Go lie down. You just about killed me from worry and exhaustion,
and you're going to succeed if you push yourself too hard. Get some rest."
"Thank you." Harry broke into another warm smile and patted Merlin's shoulder
before he turned towards the door. Harry didn't particularly mind the thought
of Merlin spying on him as he slept. Or anywhere else. It was a comfort, in
fact. He only wished that Eggsy had similar opinions on the matter. It was
plainly obvious why the boy didn't, however, never having built up the trust
with it that Harry had.
His own thoughts on the boy's situation warred with Merlin's optimism over the
long walk to his quarters, a room nearly as inviting as the one he'd set Eggsy
up in for the day, but well underground and with double the security of the
guest rooms above. Harry closed the door, slowly and carefully changed into
more comfortable attire, and climbed into bed. The doctor had warned him his
strength would fade easily over the next several days, but it hit him hard, and
so did the pain reliever Merlin provided. Harry drifted off in no time at all.
===============================================================================
Eggsy got bored quite easily. The guest rooms provided little in the way of
entertainment, and eventually Eggsy's fear of the people working in the complex
was overcome by his hunger and boredom. No one stopped him in the hallways, and
he ended up being pleasantly surprised that the cafeteria was free; he'd
wandered in expecting to have to shoplift or sweet talk someone into charging
Harry, only to watch several other people walk right out without exchanging any
currency. Evidently there were perks to working for an organization with a
large budget.
He went up to the counter and picked out one of the biggest turkey sandwiches
he could find and a couple snacks on the side, knowing that if he tried to
order something fancy, he wouldn't have the first idea about what to ask for.
The servers were more than happy to make him a cup of tea though, one with a
lid that he felt confident enough to carry out of there with the rest of his
haul. Sitting in the cafeteria alone made him feel too vulnerable though the
question remained where he could take his food after that.
Eggsy wandered back out into the hall and eventually found one of the
navigation maps Harry had mentioned. The place was a maze, and Eggsy was
certain that quite a few things were missing from the map, but he could see
enough to locate a path to the outside.
Harry had told him that he could go out to the kennels, and Eggsy remembered
there not being much in the way of security out on the grounds. The open air
might feel better than being closed in amongst strangers. The company of dogs
sounded appealing right then.
Once he was back on the ground floor it didn't take him long to find the way
outside. The sun was still out, and for once the day was warm and pleasant
rather than gloomy like it had been the past several weeks, but it would be on
its way down soon.
Eggsy found a path winding along a grove of foliage and spotted the kennels in
the distance near the tree line of the forest behind the grounds. He set off
for it, eating his sandwich along the way and letting the sun warm his back.
The far off sounds of birds and the solitude outside would have made it feel
like he'd stepped into a different world but for the knowledge that everything
he'd just gone through had happened inside the manor behind him.
For a moment, Eggsy contemplated just hiking into the woods on the edge of the
grounds. He could keep going. Maybe hitchhike his way to another town, although
he had no idea where this manor was. If he got far enough away, no one from the
London gangs would stumble across him.
That still didn't solve his larger dilemmas, however. He didn't have an
education, or money, or anything to his name. He no longer even had social
connections. Whatever life he might find wouldn't be much of one.
His feet carried him to the kennels instead although the thoughts didn't
diminish entirely. He finished the rest of his sandwich and put his snacks in
the pocket of his jumper before he opened the door, but as soon as he did, the
barking started up.
The inside looked the same as the last time he'd been there--one large pen with
most of the dogs inside to run around and play together, with a door that
allowed them to run through the fenced portion in the back as well. There were
a few single kennels off in the corner of the building, but not many of them
were occupied.
Eggsy stepped closer and the dogs, big and small alike, ran up to the fence to
greet him with tails wagging furiously.
Eggsy wondered how many agents had dogs. Enough that it was quite the compound,
although he couldn't estimate the number of agents from the number of dogs. All
of them seemed to at least be friendly, which was more than could be said for
their owners. Harry's dog was absent, as usual, but Eggsy spotted Baxter among
the pack pressed against the fence.
It took a bit of doing to figure out how to let one dog out without letting
them all out to swamp him, but after a bit of a struggle Eggsy managed and the
corgi sprang free without bringing any of his brethren with him.
Baxter trotted around in a circle, panted happily at Eggsy, and then promptly
sat down again, tongue still lolling. Eggsy looked at the dog and spotted a
crate full of tennis balls along the shelf that also held leashes, collars, and
other training gear, but he didn't imagine Baxter would be up for playing very
many rounds of fetch. It was loud inside with all of the other dogs barking
though, and he supposed that maybe Baxter would be ok with a walk around the
grounds. Maybe he could find somewhere to sit and eat the rest of his lunch.
"Baxter, c'mon," Eggsy called and patted his knee for the dog to follow and,
obediently, Baxter got up and trotted after him as he went for the door.
Baxter was especially keen once he caught scent of the food in Eggsy's pockets.
Unlike his owner, the dog seemed to have little sense of decorum or caution.
There was also little to dignify an animal with such short legs and oversized
ears, and less so when it jumped around hoping for scraps and a bit of
attention.
The manor didn't look small from the outside, and Eggsy could only imagine how
far out and down the maze of rooms extended. For a moment he could appreciate
just how powerful the agency must be on the whole. It made him feel smaller
still to know that, from what he'd gathered, it hadn't been him against the
whole of Harry's organization - just Harry and his friend. So much damage done
just between the two of them.
He walked off the path a ways to a tree with a root jutting up from the ground
he could sit on as the ground was still soggy in patches from the rain. There
Eggsy brought out the candy bar and muffin he'd taken, and immediately upon
seeing them, Baxter's efforts doubled until Eggsy gave in and let him have a
portion of the muffin.
Once the snacks were gone, Baxter settled down by his side and let Eggsy pet
him. Eggsy tried to clear his mind while he did so. The dog's ears were
especially soft and his fur was thick and felt good against Eggsy's palm. He
felt calmer out there than he had inside, but the sensation of touching Baxter
made him remember touching Harry, curling into the man's chest and breaking
down, the feel of Harry's hands on his back and his arms around Eggsy.
Harry still felt so familiar. Even after the passage of time and everything
else. The feeling of being so touched and enclosed should have provoked fear or
disgust, but instead Eggsy had felt comforted. More than comforted. Old wounds
had reopened that had only just begun to heal. Eggsy missed Harry more than
ever now that his options had contracted and he no longer felt in danger. Harry
had left him alone before like he'd promised, so Eggsy no longer felt so
worried about being kidnapped and held against his will, but he was tired.
Tired of being kept in the dark, of not knowing the answers, of loss and pain.
The Harry he'd loved felt closer than ever, and yet untouchable. Galahad had
taken his place, and Eggsy didn't know what to do with him.
That was a good name for the other Harry, Eggsy decided. Galahad had all the
resources. Galahad knew how to lie and manipulate people. Although Eggsy had
had to reconcile that his Harry was a spy before the truth of everything came
out. Over that time Harry had still seemed warm and honest and good. He'd
seemed like one of those James Bond spies, the ones who came in to save the day
and would never hurt innocent people. But Galahad wasn't like that. And Eggsy
didn't really know him.
Eggsy had made a lot of demands in there, but he had this suspicion based on
nothing more than the look on Harry's face when he talked about how much he'd
owed Eggsy and the fact that it was true, that Harry would keep to that
agreement. It was hard to say, however, if Eggsy would like what he found if he
got to know Galahad.
Just thinking about it made his stomach twist and feel heavy. Eggsy didn't know
how to get to know Galahad. He didn't really want to, aside from the fact that
he needed to for his own peace of mind. He needed to know who he'd spent so
much time with. Who he'd had sex with. Who he'd slept next to every night.
Harry had said that it hadn't all been a lie, but Eggsy wouldn't stop doubting
and wondering until he could see for himself. Perhaps once he knew Harry had
been an illusion, he'd be able to mourn and move on.
One thing he had now that he hadn't back then was leverage, and distance. Just
enough that if he could stop breaking down whenever he saw Harry, he might be
able to stay in control. That was something he'd never had before--control--but
it was something he needed now.
Eggsy felt his fingernails pinch the inside of his palm as he stared back up at
the manor. Harry owed him a lot. Eggsy didn't know what Harry would really
agree to do for him, but he had the means for almost anything. Landon had
looked like he was good and ready to laugh at his friend when Eggsy said as
much, and Eggsy had to hope that attitude would last so he wouldn’t run into
any opposition.
Some time later, when Eggsy had had enough of wandering the grounds and had
returned Baxter to the kennel, the boy wound up in the hallway in front of the
navigational map. Plenty of the rooms that the map bothered to show weren't
labelled with anything aside from letters and numbers, but a few were titled.
Some were named after people Eggsy had never heard of. Some were named after
places. One room was entitled the Round Table, which made Eggsy curious
considering Harry and Landon’s codenames. The massive hanger was also labelled,
as was a gymnasium and an indoor swimming pool. Eggsy wondered just how far he
could wander and where he could go before he might get in trouble.
The Round Table was tempting, but also one of those places he suspected he
might not be wanted. And Eggsy had to wonder if he wouldn't run into this
Arthur person if he tried to go there. He couldn't find Merlin's office on the
map, nor any other room that looked like it might be for operations, but he
generally remembered where that was in relation to the cafeteria.
Eggsy decided to make his way towards the gym and the pool, thinking that maybe
those things would be interesting to see. He hadn't done gymnastics in a long
time, just lots of walking everywhere he went, but he kind of missed it.
Just like before, the people he passed in the halls ignored him mostly, even if
he could tell he made an unusual sight in the underground complex. He found the
pool first, or the underside of it, anyway. Along the hall in a wide pane of
glass was the length of the pool, underwater. Eggsy went up to it and looked
inside. He could see the racing lines above him at the surface of the water and
the deep end below his feet at the other side of the hall. If anyone had been
swimming, he'd be able to watch everything they did from there, and that was
really kind of cool. With more searching, he found the doorway inside, but it
was locked. The gym was just around the corner though, and that wasn't.
It also wasn't completely empty. A couple of people were jogging on treadmills,
headphones in place and oblivious to everything beyond what music they were
listening to. A few tellies mounted on the walls displayed all sorts of
updates, mostly national and worldwide news. One man was lifting weights in one
corner and, when he looked up and spotted Eggsy, the boy thought he looked
vaguely familiar. A flicker of anxiety passed through him as the man set his
weights back on the rack, towelled off, and began to walk over. Eggsy hadn't
been told what was off limits, but he hadn't thought the gym would be.
He stopped in front of Eggsy before his face relaxed into a polite smile.
"Eggsy, was it?" The man asked and at Eggsy's clearly uncertain expression, he
went on. "You probably don't remember me, but we met once briefly at the shop.
A couple Christmases ago if I remember correctly. I'm Percival." He held out
his hand for Eggsy to shake, which, awkwardly, Eggsy obliged. "You must have
been pretty worried about Galahad, disappearing like that and coming home all
banged up."
So that was what Harry and Merlin had told everyone. Eggsy wasn't supposed to
have been out of Harry's guardianship, and this man seemed to be trying to
console him.
"Y-yeah. I mean... I knew his job was dangerous an' all, and he's come back
with scratches before, but he... He ain't disappeared like that before." Eggsy
had to be careful. He didn't know what other people had been told about him,
and he didn't want to contradict anything enough to draw suspicion. "Nobody's
even told me yet how bad it was. They just put me in a room and whisked him
off. I've been here before but not really around all that much. I found the
cafeteria but I dunno what else's worth seein'."
Percival nodded. He had a kind face when it was animated. At rest he'd looked
very stoic with his height and only a few strands of dark hair falling out of
place in spite of being in the gym. "Well if no one's told you yet, you can be
sure that he'll be okay. No lasting injuries, just a few bad cuts and bruises
and he'll probably be tired while he's healing. Nothing you should worry
about."
The man searched Eggsy's face as though he were making sure his words were
heard. He was instantly more likeable than Eggsy's memory of the knight called
Lancelot had been, or at least he seemed more genuine.
"I have a daughter about your age," Percival went on, "and I know how she'd
feel if I'd been in Galahad's place."
"Really? Other people here got kids too?" Eggsy was legitimately surprised.
He'd figured that the sort of people who worked at a place like that wouldn't
be the kind to have families, but it must not have been too unusual if no one
thought it strange that Harry adopted out of the blue. Certainly it made things
less suspicious if other agents, married and unmarried, also had kids, although
Eggsy doubted that they had the same experience that he did. "Do they ever come
visit here? Or do they not know about all this?"
Percival inclined his head with an indulgent smile. "Usually not until they're
older. And not many, at that." They all knew how Eggsy had found the place.
"There's a long history of family tradition here among the knights in fact.
Many new candidates for our agents come from such families, so for some, the
agency is somewhat of an open secret. If Galahad ever lets us invite him along
to another social, it probably won't be long before you meet the other knights
and their families."
"Does anyone else have other kids my age? Or are they all older?" Eggsy
couldn't imagine what that must be like. Finding out Harry was a spy had been a
shock for him, but he didn't know what would be stranger: always knowing that
one or both of your parents were spies, or finding that out many years later.
All of the agents Eggsy had seen also seemed to come from money, or at least
lineage.
It reminded Eggsy a bit of movies he'd seen about the mafia. That was also
organized around families, with it being an open secret and some members being
invited to join. They were also full of wealth and violence. Eggsy worried at
his lower lip. "Does Harry not tend to go to parties?"
Percival gave a soft laugh. "Not so much these days. He used to. But that's
what happens when some of us start families, I suppose. If you'd like to go,
you should nudge him along a bit. I think Roxy, my daughter, is probably the
only one about your age, at least as far as immediate family goes. There are
plenty of nieces and nephews and cousins and the like between all of us, enough
to fill up this manor probably."
Eggsy had trouble imagining so many people. Perhaps it was because both Landon
and Harry were so solitary. Harry didn't have any more family, and his friend
didn't seem the type to have family either, or to visit them if they were still
alive. Eggsy didn't know if they were unusual for the organization. The other
agents might be more social, but he hadn't met many of them. "Huh. Guess I'll
start askin' him, then. Maybe I'll get to come sometime. Is there anything
worth seein' in the manor? I've been outside a bit but I'm pretty lost."
"Ah..." Percival straightened and thought about it for a moment. "Afraid
there's not much someone your age might find for fun around here, but we do
have a billiards room up on the main level. Probably not many people around to
play unless they're between shifts and having a break though. We have the
kennels and a stable off behind the western tree line just a ways. You'll want
to ask Galahad before you visit, but if you feel like it, I'd be happy to take
you. I don't have anything on until tonight." Percival smiled. It was reserved,
but friendly, and Eggsy might just believe it was genuine if the man really did
have a daughter around his own age.
"Stables might be nice." Eggsy had never really seen horses or gotten a chance
to ride one. That was the sort of thing one needed money to do, or else to live
out in the countryside. Eggsy thought he might enjoy it, if for nothing else
than the unique experience and having something to do. "I can't ask Harry,
though. I don't even know where he is. I'm in a different room and nobody told
me where he is. Just my room and the cafeteria."
Percival raised his brows at that, but looked like he was ready to be helpful.
"If you go back to the cafeteria, take the lift down a floor and follow the
hall all the way down to the end, then take a right and another right at the
end of that hall. You'll see a lot of doors on the way, just look for one with
the letter G. If you can't find it, stop someone on the way and ask, they'll
know to help you."
"Okay." Eggsy paused in thought. "Does everyone here have King Arthur
nicknames? Does someone really like the stories? Or is there a reason for it?
It's really weird to have people callin' Harry 'Galahad'. Even when they're not
off on missions or whatever. You all know each other's real names anyways, so
there's no need to be secretive about it."
Percival's smile was back and he warmed right away to Eggsy's question. "We've
gotten used to calling each other by those code names. Less slip ups that way.
And why do you ask, do you have any better ideas for code names? Star Wars,
perhaps?" Percival's eyes actually seemed to twinkle in the overhead lights at
that. Eggsy could tell he was a father.
"Yeah, maybe. I just got a hard time picturin' any of you as knights. The whole
chivalry and roses bit." Eggsy rolled his eyes. Harry had certainly tried for
the romance angle, but King Arthur's knights were supposed to be about justice
and truth. Or at least that was what Eggsy remembered. Lying and tricking
people into sleeping with them didn't seem to fit the bill.
Percival raised a brow. "Oh? We don't seem very chivalrous to you? Although the
roses would be a little over the top, I'll admit." He paused to think for a
moment. "I suppose the glamour does fade after a while when you get to know
someone. Galahad probably seems just as human as anyone to you by now, but I
can assure you he's done plenty worthy of the title. But don't tell him I told
you that or he won't let me forget it."
"Like what? He's not really told me much about missions he's been on, really.
He just seems like..." Eggsy didn't know what to tell Percival. He couldn't say
what he really thought. He didn't want to destroy Harry's life and freedom. Not
right then. It was always an option later, should things turn out badly. "You
know. Not all that serious. Kind of a lush. I guess he gets into trouble, or he
wouldn't get injured like that, but I dunno what he really does."
Percival shook his head and looked for a bench to sit down on. "Harry does give
off that impression, but let's see. I suppose there's no harm in telling you a
little." He rubbed his hands over his knees and thought back for a minute
before he spoke again. "Harry's first mission as Galahad was to foil the
assassination of Margaret Thatcher. Now, you might not thank him for that one,
as quite a lot of the general populace wouldn't, but he took very well to the
business of foiling assassinations after that. He's saved the Pope and the US
President, twice. Galahad has a knack for infiltration. During the Gulf War one
of our missions was solely to see civilians to safety before the fighting even
began. From Galahad's intel, he was able to predict which areas would be hit
first, and he alone saved hundreds of lives."
"Is that what you all send him to do, mostly? Infiltration stuff? He's said
he's pretended to be other people a lot. I thought that was just, y'know... for
questionin' people, or travelin'. Does he like that kind of stuff, savin'
people?" Eggsy tried to imagine Galahad as heroic. He couldn't manage, but he
could for the Harry he used to know, who'd swooped in and comforted him when
everything had seemed dire. The man who had opened his home up to a boy with
few options and nurtured and sheltered him seemed more aligned with the
kindness and protectiveness Percival was talking about.
"I would say he likes saving people. It's a good feeling. That part is the
outcome of what is usually very hard and very dirty work, but when you can come
out of a month's cover pretending to be one of the worst people you've ever met
and realise your actions have saved the lives of others, unbeknownst to
them...there's nothing quite like that feeling. It can make all the bad stuff
you've seen worth it." Percival was looking at Eggsy with his head tilted
slightly to the side. His smile wasn't so prominent anymore, but he did look
like he was proud of what they did, and proud to talk about Galahad.
Eggsy wasn't expecting it. Perhaps Galahad was just as duplicitous with his
coworkers as he had been with Eggsy, but Eggsy thought it might be harder to
keep such things from other spies. Not impossible, or Harry's secrets would be
well-known, but it would be trickier to hide yourself from people who saw you
out on the metaphorical and literal battlefields. "Guess I'll have to ask him
about it some time. I know he's my... adopted dad and all, but I don't really
know him all that well. Not as well as I could. I guess that's part of the
whole secret agent business though."
Percival hummed and his warmth faded into something more sober. "That could
very well be. I wouldn't be entirely surprised if he was worried about
frightening you off with...all this. Not every mission turns out well, and
sometimes even for the greater good, we're expected to make very hard
decisions. Sometimes we have to do things that aren't very chivalrous at all.
That doesn't mean he's not working for the best outcome possible, but it can
create a certain distance between us and the rest of the world, even the people
we care for."
"Hmm." Eggsy's hum was noncommittal. Percival's thoughts meant something, but
Eggsy hadn't decided what they meant yet, or how much. He had thinking to do.
The beginnings of a plan were starting to form in his mind. "Have you... told
your family, about stuff you've done? Your daughter? Or do you worry about that
kind of stuff too, that they'll get frightened and won't understand?"
Slowly, Percival nodded. "I am very worried about that. More than you might
imagine. What I've told her of the bad parts, I've only done so in general
terms. I want her to know they're there, but...I'd rather she see the good
parts first. You're both so young yet." he spoke quietly and Eggsy gathered
that he'd been drawing on his own experience when he'd guessed why Harry hadn't
told Eggsy everything he did as a spy.
"You think she wouldn't like it? Even though you're her dad? I mean, she's
known you forever. A whole lot longer than I've known Harry." Strange to see
this man, who Eggsy thought seemed like such a warm father figure upon first
impression, worried so about what his daughter might think. Even if he'd done
questionable things as a spy, Eggsy didn't think they could be anything like
what Harry had done. Percival might have lied to his daughter for most of her
life, but he probably hadn't been breaking promises left and right, or
manipulating her life so he could sleep with her.
Percival gave a quiet laugh. "That's exactly why it's so hard. Every instinct I
have as a father is to protect her. I want her to grow up with a realistic view
of the world, but I also want her to believe in it still. And to believe in me.
Every child wants their parents to be proud of them, but I bet you don't know
how much the reverse is true as well." And then Percival looked through him.
"You sound like you might like to confront Galahad about this. Just keep that
in mind when you do."
Eggsy nodded. "I never really had a dad before. Mine was gone when I was really
little. I don't really know... how it's supposed to be. Stuff with my mum was
different, and then things got really bad with her before Harry took me in."
Maybe they wouldn't have been so bad if Harry hadn't meddled. Eggsy would never
know. "I don't think Harry's got much practice at being a dad neither."
"Mmm, probably not," Percival admitted. "Harry's always been a personality I
could imagine well with children, he's genuinely interested in people, all
different sorts, and he's good at being a teacher, but he's never had any of
his own before you came along and there is a big difference between being a
mentor for five minutes versus a lifetime. Harry plays his personal life fairly
close to the vest, but...I wouldn't doubt he took you in without some knowledge
of that."
Despite himself, Eggsy felt the corners of his mouth twitch up upon hearing
that Percival reckoned Harry to be good with children. "Yeah, I guess you could
say that. And he's been teachin' me a lot of things. He did let me pick if I
wanted to get adopted by him or not."
Eggsy shuffled from foot to foot, restless. Percival was nice, but he was a
stranger, and Eggsy didn't know how to talk to him. "Prob'bly should get goin'.
I should check up on Harry, see how he's doin'."
Percival smiled indulgently and nodded. "Right then. It was good to meet you,
Eggsy, and I hope to see you again. Don't forget to bother Harry about that.
I'm sure Roxy would love to meet you. Do you remember the way now?" Eggsy
nodded, and Percival stood, looking like he was ready to get back to the
weights. "Good, good. And say hello for me."
"I will." Eggsy beat a hasty retreat, putting a few hallways between him and
the gymnasium before his pace slowed. Percival's words weighed on his mind. So
did thoughts of Harry - of everything he'd done, good and bad, and especially
the way he'd looked in the storeroom. The way he'd looked earlier when Eggsy
had talked back to him, too. Harry claimed to still love him, but what kind of
person did the things that he'd done to the one they loved?
Chapter End Notes
     Come join us again this Saturday (4/16) for the Dark_Kingsman_Block
     Party!
***** Chapter 39 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Eggsy didn't have any answers by the time he arrived in front of the right
door. A fancy letter G was fixed onto the wood. It was a good number of seconds
before Eggsy could make himself touch the doorknob, and a few more before he
opened the door.
The first thing he noticed was that there was only a single light on in the
room. At a glance, it looked very like his new guest room, spacious, with
ornate furniture. Glass mirrors and paintings hung on the walls, and just
around the corner of the short hall was a bed where the single glowing lamp was
lit at its side.
The room was empty, or so Eggsy thought. He got a few steps inside before he
noticed the blankets were piled up over a figure on the bed and caught a
glimpse of a furrowed brow and a tuft of brown hair.
Eggsy glanced at the shut door behind him, just for a moment. He could have
sneaked out unnoticed if he'd wanted to, but this was also an opportunity.
Eggsy remembered watching Harry sleep before, when he'd been Harry. He wondered
if what he'd see would change now that he knew more.
The boy stepped quietly, inching around the bed until he could get a better
look. Other than the bruises and deeper lines etched from fatigue and pain,
Harry looked just the same. Unexpectedly so, just as soft and warm and
vulnerable as Eggsy remembered his lover being. Sleep had dishevelled the man's
hair in the way Eggsy had loved so much, watching all the neat, calculated
lines come undone.
Harry was breathing slowly, but not loud. He looked like he was pretty deep
under, and it was surprising how Eggsy could tell. That he could still remember
what Harry sounded like when he was dozing lightly or when he was out cold or
somewhere in between. It was rare for Harry to be asleep like this in the early
evening, especially when he'd told Eggsy that he would be by to see him later,
but then again, Harry was pretty banged up. Not just physically. He'd been down
in that storeroom for days, probably thinking he was about to die and never
knowing when.
Eggsy still didn't know how to feel about that. They'd made it out alright, but
Harry had been ready to die. He'd never asked for Eggsy to save him. He'd been
more concerned about Eggsy himself getting out of there, and that clashed with
Eggsy's image of the man as selfish and predatory. Galahad had manipulated
Eggsy and Eggsy's life for his own desires, heedless of what it would do to
Eggsy or other people in his life. Harry from Eggsy's memories was the caring,
protective one. The man in the storeroom shouldn't have been both at once.
As Eggsy was contemplating this, he was pretty sure Harry was under well enough
not to sense Eggsy's presence and wake up. He didn't expect the sudden beeping
of the alarm at Harry's bedside table, and nearly jumped out of his skin when
it went off. He made such a wild motion that he didn't have time to get hold of
himself and get out of there before Harry's eyes opened and landed on him.
Harry blinked once and then lifted himself up quickly, so quickly that he
stopped abruptly with one arm under his pillow and the other reaching out to
steady himself. He looked disoriented and closed his eyes, giving himself a
moment to regain his balance. "Eggsy?"
Eggsy froze. His mind was screaming at him to run, a fear that was reflected in
his eyes, but he couldn't get his feet to move. The breath left his lungs -
more so when he took in the fact that Harry wasn't just awake, but was at least
bare-chested underneath the covers. Sitting up had revealed bandaged and
bruised skin that was very familiar, bare skin that had haunted Eggsy's dreams
as a source of longing, grief, and anger. "Um... h-hey. I just... I came to
check on you, s-since you didn't come back, but I didn't want to... wake you
up."
Harry put one hand to his face and Eggsy began to wonder if his dizziness
wasn't just a product of being startled awake. "S'alright," Harry mumbled.
"Just allow me a moment...." Harry rubbed at his eyes and finally started to
look like he wasn't going to collapse back down. When he looked at Eggsy again,
his eyes were clear and he didn't seem to be in much pain. He gave Eggsy a half
smile like he was trying to make light of the situation. "I didn't mean to
leave you for so long. Just thought I'd take a nap for a few hours before
dinner." Harry glanced around the room before his gaze landed on something over
Eggsy's shoulder. "Would you, um, hand me that robe there?"
Eggsy's movements were slow and cautious. Harry definitely seemed drugged, not
just groggy from sleep. The thought made Eggsy breathe a bit easier. It felt
safer that way, with Harry slower to react and perhaps more likely to give
honest responses when his thoughts were clouded.
Eggsy drew closer to the bed with the robe in hand. He turned and looked away
once Harry took it. "Still not feelin' great? You didn't use to nap much unless
you came back from a mission and felt bad."
"I'm afraid it'll take some time for me to recover from this one." Eggsy heard
the sound of the mattress moving and then cloth over cloth as Harry wound the
robe around his waist. "How was your day around the grounds? No one's bothered
you too much, I hope?" When Eggsy glanced back, he found Harry staring at him
with hair ruffled and bandages mostly hidden, but there was a look on his face
like longing. Not the lust filled kind Eggsy could remember seeing on him
before, but something sad.
"I went up and played with the dogs for a bit, wandered around. Got bored and
walked around the halls. There's not much to do." Eggsy shrugged. Part of him
was regretting coming to Harry's room. Landon might not have interfered had
things gone awry in his office, but he at least presented a barrier. Being
alone with Harry, in Harry's room and while he was in such a state of undress,
felt incredibly intimate. "I met... someone called Percival? We talked for a
bit. He said to tell you to bring me 'round the next party, to meet his
daughter. He also said a bit about you. That you like savin' people."
Harry frowned at that and looked away. "You don't sound like you believe him
very well." He shifted the covers off his legs and, slowly and with one hand to
the bedpost, climbed to his feet. He didn't approach Eggsy though. Instead, he
went to the toilet and splashed some water over his face without bothering to
shut the door behind him.
"Don't seem much like you're in the business of savin'. Least not from problems
you didn't make yourself." Eggsy licked his lips. His throat felt bone dry,
enough that his voice came out rough when he spoke again. "Did you... send
Dean? And the others? Or make it worse? What about that guy that burned up?
That don't... really seem like savin'."
Through the mirror, Eggsy could see Harry's eyes close before he shook his
head. "I've told you before, and it was true, that I never sent Dean nor any of
your mother's other male friends. When she began to date again, I...I followed
the first one who hit her to a pub and left him beaten in the alley." Harry
dried his face and hands on a towel and didn't look at Eggsy. "The man in the
fire wasn't for Kingsman. He was a separate project, a man who acquired funds
by secretly burning down properties he owned and occasionally the people in
them. He had done very bad things, but no, that was not about saving people."
"So you get to make that choice? If someone does bad stuff, you get to do bad
stuff to 'em?" Part of Eggsy was horrified. It went against everything he'd
been taught in schools and by his mother. Violence was bad unless it was a last
resort to protect someone. Things had to go through the legal system. Murder
was always wrong.
Another part of Eggsy was jealous. He'd wanted to get rid of everyone who hurt
his mother. He'd seen just how much the law had failed his own family and
others. He'd wanted to hit bullies back, but never had been big enough. "Who've
you saved, huh? Who?"
Harry finished wiping his hands and turned to Eggsy finally. He rested his arm
against the door frame and stared through Eggsy, face flat. "Would you like an
account of every mission I've been on where a life was saved either by my hand
or because of my actions? Would you like to pick that apart and weigh it
against the wrong that I've done? See which way the scales tip? I'll have
Merlin send you the reports."
"I don't want your stupid friend's bloody reports. He's just as much a liar as
you anyways," Eggsy shot back. "That won't let me know you none, either. I need
to hear things from you. Even if it's a bunch of rubbish. I don't-"
Eggsy pressed one palm to his mouth. The room seemed to spin. The boy just
manage to catch himself and land on the edge of the bed before his balance gave
way. "I don't even know who you are. I don't know who I ate with. Spent time
with. Who fucked me. I don't even know. Are you someone different to everyone
you talk to? Just pretendin' to be whoever they would like you to be?"
Harry stepped closer, his palms up. He'd nearly darted towards Eggsy, but
halted the motion as soon as it started. "Eggsy, please, sit down and just
breathe. I'll answer your questions. Just..." Harry stopped before he came too
close, his hands hovering in the air uncertainly before drawing back into
himself. "Let me make you a cup of tea. I'll answer you, alright?" Harry looked
afraid. He looked like he thought Eggsy would break if he touched him, and yet
had to watch Eggsy breaking apart all the same right in front of him.
Eggsy nodded quickly. His pulse had skyrocketed as soon as Harry had started
towards him. Eggsy hated himself because, as afraid as he was of the man,
another part of him wanted to be touched just like he'd been earlier. It had
been so long since he'd been comforted or had any sort of physical affection,
and Harry still sounded and looked and smelled familiar. "Okay. Tea is okay."
"Okay." Harry hurried to the other side of the room where there was a small
kitchenette and refrigerator and began preparing a kettle. His movements were
quick and, for a moment, his face looked haunted. But then his back was to
Eggsy and there was distance between them again until Harry finished and leaned
against the counter.
They sat in silence while the kettle boiled and Eggsy tried to calm down. Harry
fished two mugs out of a cupboard and prepared Eggsy's with milk and sugar,
just the way he remembered. Slowly, Harry approached and set Eggsy's mug on the
night stand where Eggsy could reach it. "Careful when you pick it up," Harry
warned softly, before he moved to an armchair across from the bed with his own
mug.
Eggsy didn't know whether to feel relieved or rejected. He felt both at once.
The scent of tea was familiar and soothing at least, as was the sight of the
steam drifting out of the mug. "I... don't even know what to ask you.
Everythin', I guess. I know you said everythin' wasn't a lie and all fake, but
I got no way of knowin' that. For all I know, everythin' between us was just
more of you playin' a game to get me in your house and in your bed. None of
your coworkers know, do they? Besides Landon."
Harry shook his head and took a sip of his tea, the motion seemingly by rote.
"No, they don't." He sighed and lowered the mug to his lap. "It is difficult
for me to speak of any merits to my character when I hold them under the weight
of the contempt that you, rightly, feel for me. One does not cancel out the
other, and it would be folly for me to try. No matter how many lives I've
saved, I have still wronged you." Harry looked a little more human when he
spoke, but not any happier.
"Damn right, you did." Eggsy was emphatic on that count, and a bit soothed when
Harry looked even more unhappy. He felt better like that - not afraid of Harry
and not being threatened by him. Harry admitting his guilt and feeling bad
about it. Eggsy reached over for the mug sitting on the bedside table waiting
for him. "Why me, anyways? How come it was me? You could've gotten anyone. Even
someone little. Maybe you already have, and I just didn't know about it. I
heard other countries, things are pretty different from here. I saw the tapes
and you were watchin' me since forever. Why me?"
Eggsy caught a flash of something cross Harry's face before he schooled it
away. "You were...beautiful. Enchanting. At first, that was enough for me to
come back just to see you again. I was curious to know you, even in just a
small way. When I put an audio receiver outside your mother's door
I...discovered I loved the sound of your voice. The things you'd say.... You
weren't a callous or cruel child. You liked to play. And whenever you lied to
your mother, it was never done with ill intent. I followed you for so long
because...because I liked you. That doesn't happen with just any young boy."
"So you never followed anyone else like you did me? No microphones and cameras
in their flat, in their room?" Eggsy flushed just thinking about it. Harry had
seen him naked many times over before they'd even met, most likely. He'd
expressed himself and explored himself in what he'd thought was the privacy of
his bedroom and the shower. "How many others like me you slept with? That you
liked like me?"
Harry's jaw clenched. "You mean other boys." It wasn't a question. Harry didn't
hide his frown. "I've never followed anyone like I did with you, not like that,
for so long and with hopes that...you might live with me someday, grow up with
me." Harry paused before he forced himself to continue. "I have slept with
other boys, both when I was one myself and...when I was older. My relationships
with them were...not what they were like with you. Kind, loving, I was even a
short term mentor perhaps, but...," Harry blinked, swallowed, looked away.
"There is a world of difference, Eggsy."
Eggsy flared up in anger. He wanted to hit Harry again. Deep down, in a place
he didn't want to admit existed... he wanted to hit the other boys too. They'd
been targets just like he had been, it hadn't been their fault, and yet Eggsy
loathed the idea of Harry with anyone else. "A world of difference. Like, a
short plane ride out to get some tail, or what? Did you ever do any of that
while you was with me?"
Harry's face went flat again. "No, I didn't. Even for a long time before you, I
didn't." It wasn't particularly safe or easy, except that Harry had the
convenience of Kingsman resources and the training of a spy. Eggsy knew how
often Harry travelled, and those short plane rides came often enough. Harry's
hands wrapped around his mug, but he didn't lift it again. He didn't speak any
further on the point, either.
"Is that the face you make when you don't want to tell me the truth now? Or
just because you don't like my questions? You used to lie by smiling often
enough. I can't even bloody tell. The only time I could tell was when you got
all nervous that once." Eggsy's heart was pounding again, the room spinning.
The boy had to force himself to breathe slow and deep. He took a drink from his
own mug, but he kept his eyes on Harry all the while. If the man so much as
flinched, he wanted to see.
Harry frowned and the flatness faded a little. His eyes were on Eggsy now, but
Eggsy could see that Harry was worried about him, not thinking just of the
answers. "It is a simple distaste for the questions. Or rather, your reaction
to the questions," Harry said quietly. "You're assuming I coerced these boys
into being with me, even though in my youth it took far less effort to find
someone willing and with far less complicated circumstances. Circumstances that
I didn't need to alter to my benefit."
Eggsy stared, uncomprehending. Slowly, his brows drew together. "You... why'd
you think you had to? Is that why you did everything, 'cause you thought-...
you thought I wouldn't want to be with you otherwise? That I wouldn't like you,
wouldn't fall in-," Eggsy swallowed the end of his sentence. He had to lean
over and set his mug back on the bedside table; his hands were shaking. "You
didn't think you were likeable just as you are? Or you think you're too old for
anyone to want you? That's sorta what you said before. That you weren't gonna
get another chance."
Harry looked away. He moistened his lips, but it still took him a moment to
answer. "There is no reason a man my age might have to both approach and then
befriend someone like you. And as for someone like you wanting to be around me
yourself, well...." Barely perceptibly, Harry gave a one shouldered shrug. He
didn't look back at Eggsy again, like he was just waiting for judgement to be
passed or for the topic to move on, but Eggsy could see the tension in Harry's
hands around the mug.
"You think I wouldn't have wanted you, if you hadn't tricked me? That's
bollocks, Harry." Eggsy's voice was just as quiet as Harry's had been. He
clasped his hands together to stop their quivering, still all raw nerves. "You
didn't trick me that way. I'll blame you plenty for other things, like messin'
with my mum and lyin' to me. Maybe even bits of things was an act, to you. I
don't know. But you didn't do nothin' to make me get a crush on you. I had that
for a while, after I got over the whole posh thing and wonderin' if you looked
down on me. You didn't trick me into findin' you attractive, you already were."
Harry's eyes darted up to Eggsy again. His face didn't change right away, but
it was clear that meant something to Harry. "I had never wanted to coerce you,"
Harry whispered. The room was quiet enough for Eggsy to hear, but only just.
Harry's mouth opened, but he seemed at a loss for words. He looked back down to
his mug. "Thank you, for understanding that."
"I know you already said most of it wasn't a lie, but... I mean, was it? Did
you pretend to be someone else? Someone nicer and completely different, like
you were on one of your missions?" Sorrow bled into Eggsy's features and his
grip turned white knuckled. "You didn't trick me into findin' you attractive,
but I can't tell if you tricked me into fallin' for someone that ain't real. I
don't know if you said things just because you knew I'd like them and you
wanted to sleep with me, or what. I did figure out that some of that was at
least to get me thinkin' about it. About doin' more with you."
Harry's mouth pulled tight and he took a sip of his tea. "I did say things that
led our interactions into that territory, yes, but I didn't change my
personality for you. Even I wouldn't have enjoyed sustaining a completely
different persona for so long. I simply...left out the parts that were colder.
And once you returned my affections...once you decided you liked all that we
did together, I didn't need to lead you into those things any longer."
"What did you leave out?" Eggsy's gaze sharpened and he leaned forward. "If I
only knew part of you, that's not really the same as knowing you. At all. What
don't I know yet? Is there more than being a spy and killin' people, or
stickin' cameras everywhere to spy on me, or doin' stuff to make me leave my
mum for you?"
Harry shook his head. "No, you know all that now. Just the fact that you never
saw me kill like that. ...and you imagined it differently. I know you did."
Harry met Eggsy's eyes. "It frightened you. Last night. You've looked at me
differently ever since you saw those videos. ...you actually thought that I was
going to chase you down and hurt you the night you left, that I might kill
you." Harry didn't look proud of that. There was pain in his eyes when he
looked at Eggsy.
"I... I watched you kill a bunch of people, and leave someone to burn to death.
Maybe they were bad, but I didn't know that, or if they deserved that. Just
comin' here that once, the guards were about ready to shoot me. I thought...
I'd found out too many secrets, and if you didn't keep me locked up, that you
might-" Eggsy swallowed. "Maybe the people here would make you kill me to stop
the secrets gettin' out. Or you would, so I wouldn't tell on you. I didn't even
know if I was the first one. Maybe you'd gotten involved with others, y'know?
And gotten rid of them later. You chased me down so quick, and the way you were
stalkin' around the train yard, I thought..."
Eggsy looked down. It was difficult to look Harry in the eye when he had such a
sorrowful expression. "It felt like I was in one of those horror movies. Where
the person you liked best turns out to be the secret murderer and hunts you
down. I didn't know what to expect from you anymore."
Harry sniffed and nodded. "You couldn't have known, no. I didn't...give you the
opportunity to know that part of me." Harry's fingers around his mug weren't so
tense anymore, but they flexed with restlessness. The look on his face was one
Eggsy remembered when Harry wanted to go to him and comfort him, but Harry
didn't so much as lean closer in his seat. Harry's mouth thinned before he
asked a question of his own. "Do you still believe I'd hurt you?"
Eggsy licked his lips and thought about it. He knew what Harry meant. "I don't
think you'd kill me anymore, no. 'Specially not after I saved you. I think
you'd still hurt me, though, 'cause you've hurt me already a couple of times.
Maybe for some of them you didn't want to, but that was more that you just
hoped I'd never find out, an' that's not the same thing as not meanin' it."
Harry nodded. "I'm glad for that much." He looked down at his tea and then back
to Eggsy, and Eggsy could see the way he tried to make his body relax. Harry
succeeded, mostly. If he hadn't been so beaten and looked so tired, he'd
probably have done a better job of it. "Have you had dinner yet?" he asked as
though he'd started to realise Eggsy had come to his room for a reason and he
was keeping them in a situation that was undoubtedly uncomfortable.
"No, not yet." Eggsy watched Harry, doing his best to play the gracious host,
and found himself caught up at the sight. He'd spent so much time and energy
running away from Harry and everything that had happened. There was nowhere
left to run, and Eggsy found that he had little taste for running anymore. He
didn't feel as powerless after making the choice to save Harry. Eggsy now knew
that Harry wasn't invincible and unstoppable, and he also knew that he could
survive even when his world came tumbling down.
The boy wasn't the same one who left, not entirely. The hole in him hadn't
vanished though, and now that some of the fear and insecurity had gone, some of
the old longing and fascination had taken hold again. That, and a hunger for
answers.
Harry took a deep breath and nodded, setting his tea down on an end table and
lifting himself carefully out of the chair. "Then let me get dressed and we'll
head up to the cafeteria."
Whatever Harry had taken for his injuries looked like it was wearing off if his
wince and the way he'd seemed less sluggish was anything to go by, but he
walked stiffly to his closet and rifled through a few items before heading to
the toilet again and closing the door behind him.
Eggsy looked around the room now that he was no longer being observed. Touches
of Harry's style had been added here and there, but less than at his home. This
wasn't a room he regularly stayed in.
The bed still had a slight indentation in it from where Harry had been
sleeping. Eggsy's gaze flicked towards the loo and, still hearing the rustling
of fabric inside, he leaned forward. His eyes shut and he breathed in.
It was just like Eggsy had remembered. Different place, different sheets, but
the same scent clinging to them that he'd found so comforting.
He'd heard somewhere once, maybe even from Harry, that scent memories were the
strongest humans had. Harry's scent was as visceral as jumping back through
time. He'd woken up next to Harry often enough, curled into his chest or with
Harry's arms around him, or even when Harry climbed out of bed before Eggsy got
up and he smashed his face into the pillows while Harry made breakfast, not
wanting to get dressed.
Eggsy didn't have long with it though. Before he knew it, the door handle
turned and Harry stepped out of the toilet, shirt and trousers neatly in place.
Eggsy straightened quickly enough that a muscle cramped in protest. He turned
and snatched the mug with the remainder of his tea off the bedside table,
making a pretence at activity and preoccupation to try to hide what he'd been
doing. Eggsy had been used to Harry dressing at a leisurely pace when well, and
he'd thought injuries would have given him more time. Evidently Harry was
motivated.
If Harry had noticed, he didn't say anything. He glanced over Eggsy, but then
moved off to the closet to find a tie and cuff links, and Eggsy couldn't tell
whether he'd been caught. Harry faced away from him and wrapped a tie around
his neck, securing it without even looking in a mirror before he found his
cuffs, a clip, and toed on his shoes.
It was a routine Eggsy remembered well. Although back then Harry had often
caught Eggsy's eye in the mirror and talked to him while Harry dressed. Even if
Eggsy was barely awake and barely paying attention, Harry had liked to talk to
him.
"Harry...?" Eggsy waited until the man's head turned, and his brow furrowed in
thought. This was a topic that couldn't be discussed in the cafeteria where
they might be overhead. "What had you been going to do? The night I ran away, I
mean, when you came after me."
Harry blinked. He clearly remembered that night as well as Eggsy did. "I wanted
to catch you and...and try to explain everything. Beg you not to leave. Try to
make you understand.... I didn't exactly have a plan." Harry's voice turned
quiet. "You slipped through my fingers so fast and so unexpectedly. I panicked.
...I think I panicked for months after that."
Harry's head lowered. "I'd have found another way for you to live if it came to
that. I couldn't stand the thought of you on the street. You don't know how
close I came to picking you up and forcing you off somewhere else. Somewhere
you didn't have to see me, but just anywhere else."
"You... you weren't just gonna keep me locked in the house, or somethin'? I
thought..." Eggsy stared, and when Harry gave him a pained look a jolt of shame
shot through him. "I didn't know, ok? I saw all the tapes from your house, and
my mum's flat going back for years, and the videos of you killin' people, and I
thought that was it. You weren't gonna let me go, and you weren't going to play
nice anymore now that I knew."
Harry closed his eyes and nodded. "I wish I had found you that night. I wish
you'd never had to believe that."
Tentatively, Harry raised his hand and took a step forward. He watched Eggsy's
eyes as he moved, looking for any sign that would tell him to back away. Harry
was still looking for that sign when his palm landed on Eggsy's shoulder. He
squeezed once and let go. "I am sorry for more than I can say." Harry let his
hand drop to his side and looked back at his closet, habit, eyes searching for
his jacket without really looking.
Eggsy waited patiently while Harry shrugged into his jacket and found his cane.
Walking was going to be difficult without the pain medication. Once Harry was
ready to go, Eggsy slipped out of the door in front of him.
"How long do we gotta stay here? Headquarters," Eggsy clarified. He fell into
step beside Harry, although a good amount of space was between them. "I get
that it's safe from the people who're lookin' for me, but it's really borin'.
I've got nothin' to do here, except go play with the dogs."
Surprisingly, Harry laughed. It was small, and short, a breath really, but it
was still a real laugh. "Only until tomorrow. We'll be meeting the Wilsons at
noon, so you'll have some time for breakfast and any last details before we
head off." Harry thought for a moment as they walked. "If I'm not mistaken...I
believe Cooper down in the lower tech department set up a Nintendo by his
workstation several months ago. He thinks he's been keeping it from Merlin, but
I'm afraid he's overestimated his stealth. I might be able to have someone
confiscate it for you."
Eggsy's countenance brightened. "That'd be nice. I didn't know what I was gonna
do later. I saw the gym and pool and stuff, but I don't have anything to wear
here and it felt like I wasn't supposed to be there anyways. I guess it makes
sense that spy headquarters aren't set up for visitors."
"How come you got the codenames you did, anyways?" Eggsy asked as they walked.
"Galahad and Merlin and Percival and... Arthur? Did you get to pick? 'Cause I
gotta say, I think you got cheated if you did. Everyone wants to be named after
the wizard if it's a choice of that or a knight."
"You'd rather be a wizard than a knight, huh? I'd have to brush up on my tech
skills for that. Titles aren't chosen completely at random. Merlin is quite
literally our tech wizard. Knights are the field agents. You'll remember when
one dies or retires their position, that position and title open to new
candidates who undergo tests until only one is left. We don't necessarily
choose which title we acquire, but I'll have you know Galahad was said to be
the purest of all knights," Harry said with a completely straight face until he
glanced down at Eggsy and the corner of his mouth lifted.
"Sure he was," Eggsy said with a roll of his eyes. "I can see the resemblance.
You're pure all right, but it ain't pure saint." Teasing one another felt more
like old times, like things were a bit more normal between the two of them even
though they weren't. It at least helped with making Harry feel a bit safer.
Eggsy wasn't happy with the reminder about mortality, however. He knew how
close Harry had come to dying. "Guess you'll be wearing armour for a while yet,
huh?"
"Bulletproof suit, as always." Harry smiled.
It was strange how the air could shift between them from hostile to tense to
something carefully approaching amiable. Eggsy wouldn't have thought it
possible, and it didn't seem like Harry had either. The atmosphere was
delicate, held together by a few strings of words and a tentative attempt at
humour, but it was there.
When they reached the cafeteria, it was much busier than the last time they'd
been that morning. Glassware clinked and the low hum of conversation spread
throughout the open room. There were people in suits like Harry's who'd
sectioned themselves off in booths in the corner, and those in slightly more
casual clothing in small clusters around the floor tables, mixed here and
there. It was difficult to tell who was who except for security personnel and
those Eggsy guessed were lower level techs.
Harry glanced around for only a second before he led Eggsy up to take their
order.
Eggsy was more cautious. He didn't know any of the people at headquarters, and
he didn't trust that they were all as friendly and seemingly harmless as
Percival had been. They had no reason to start trouble with him, but that
didn't mean Eggsy wanted to get close to any of them. Eggsy nearly blanked out
once they got to the counter, glancing around for a menu or hints of what he
could order. "Um... you got chicken tikka masala? Or curry? Somethin' spicy?"
"Of course," the server smiled politely and wrote a quick order down. "Medium
spicy or very spicy?"
Harry raised a brow and Eggsy thought about it before responding in favour of
medium.
"The vindaloo for me, please. And a bowl of rice pudding," Harry added while he
wrote down the rest of their order. Harry's smile, even his body language, and
the server's matched in a show of manners Eggsy hadn't encountered for a long
time. Then Harry turned to him and nodded to a single table in the corner, one
that miraculously hadn't been taken over yet. "It'll be a minute. Let's find a
seat."
"Round two, I guess." After a moment, Harry understood what Eggsy meant -
another try at spending a meal together after the disastrous interaction that
morning. Eggsy glanced around, but the tables were spaced widely enough that
they would have a moderate amount of privacy so long as they kept their voices
down. He dropped into a seat and watched Harry settle into the chair opposite
him, all stiff-limbed and sore. "Your boss better be givin' you a break for a
while. No way you should be going on more missions until you're healed up."
"No, I won't be," Harry sighed. "Desk duty for me for the next few weeks or
more I'm afraid. Lancelot had to take over with what little intel I had, but I
don't think Belmont Industries will be around very much longer as it stands.
Not with how determined he is." The warmth seeped out of Harry's tone at that,
but he didn't go completely cold, as Eggsy had seen before. He very well could
have, being captured and tortured by them after all, but he might have been
softening himself for Eggsy's sake.
"What's gonna happen to them?" Eggsy didn't really count any of his ex-
associates as friends, but he didn't want them dead either. They'd given him
food, shelter, and a job when he'd had nowhere else to turn. Viv was ambitious,
but everyone working under her didn't deserve capital punishment for being
involved in the drug trade. "They gonna get arrested, or is it like that
warehouse, where everyone dies?"
Harry frowned. "If they aren't caught in the fight, they'll be arrested. If
they are...then yes, they probably will be killed. We do not hold back during
hostile encounters, but if life can be spared, we to try. If...if you have any
names you'd like me to check on, make sure they're taken care of fairly, I
will." Harry didn't look comfortable being in that position, but it wasn't
obvious, just the set of his shoulders and the way he looked at Eggsy so
carefully.
"I ... yeah, I'll write some down later. They're not great people, but they
took care of me, y'know?" Eggsy rested his head on one palm and absently traced
the grain of the table wood in front of him. "Not the big criminals, but the
small ones I was with. They took care of me when I didn't have nowhere else to
go. I would've starved and frozen if it weren't for them. They don't deserve
gettin' killed."
"I'll see to it they're safe so long as they're not involved in the crossfire."
Harry really did look concerned. It was that expression Eggsy had remembered as
false for so long now, but there it was spreading across Harry's face in the
subtlest ways when Harry had no reason to use those tactics anymore. His mouth
thinned and he reached for his fork, breaking the moment to spear a piece of
chicken and let it cool. But his hand rested against the plate and Harry didn't
move for a long minute. "I should have taken you out of there."
"You could've. But I would've hated you." They both knew it, too. Eggsy had
panicked and resented anything that felt like restriction. "I thought you were
gonna kill me, or trap me. They weren't that bad. I'm just... behind now. With
school and everything. I dunno what I'm gonna do. Even trade schools won't take
you unless you've got some basics." Eggsy shoveled a few bites of chicken into
his mouth and savored the burn of the spices. It was better than contemplating
his situation.
"It doesn't matter," Harry said quietly. "I should have made you all the same.
I should have shipped you off to some school where you'd have hated it and
you'd have run away again, and probably again when I'd bring you back and again
after that, but at least you'd have had friends and you would have hated me but
eventually you'd figure out that I wasn't going to kill you." Harry stared at
the steam coming from his plate, the fork in his hand unmoving.
"Yeah? Well, you didn't," Eggsy hissed. "So you gotta fuckin' deal, just like I
do. I had to deal then, and I gotta deal now. With missin' school, and havin'
to deal with new foster parents, and...with you. Again. I don't know what to do
with you. I don't. I saved you and I'm scared to shit of you. And I miss you,
or at least who you used to be, if that was even real. I don't know what to do
anymore."
Harry looked up and sighed. "You can get a tutor this summer. Spend the next
school year catching up on what you've missed. It's not too late, and your
scholastic future isn't going to be permanently marred by the lost time so long
as you make progress." Eggsy still stared at Harry, gaze piercing, for so long
that Harry turned to his meal and finally took a bite. He'd apparently decided
to go along with Eggsy's outlook on the matter. It was over. Eggsy was alive.
Most importantly, Eggsy's spirits hadn't been diminished, at least not wholly,
by either the street or by Harry forcing him back under Harry’s control.
"Alright, you're gonna pay for a tutor, but that doesn't fix... other things.
Maybe I can catch up so far as education goes, but other bits of my life are
fucked up," Eggsy said, glancing around to make certain no one else was
listening in. "I don't got family anymore. I don't got friends. I don't got
anyone to talk to. I don't even know how to trust anyone, between my mum and
you and the people I've been workin' with."
Harry met his gaze, face clear but obviously schooled to be so. "I have
gathered as much." His mouth turned down. "You'll have the opportunity to see
your friends again. You can tell them whatever you like." Obviously there was
no fixing this, any of it, and Harry knew it. He had woefully little to offer
Eggsy in the form of real value. Harry could pull strings. He had money and
power, but couldn't offer Eggsy life with his mother back when things were
better between them.
"They won't care. We're not gonna be close anymore, not after I've been gone so
long. I don't know them anymore." Eggsy slouched and picked at his meal,
although he still ate. He was too hungry not to. "My mum's still drunk last I
checked, too. I don't got anyone anymore. Not even you. I gotta start all over
again with some strangers who ain't gonna care about me. People who adopt only
care about kids if they're small and cute, and I'm too old for that."
Harry's eyes glanced up at Eggsy but lowered almost as quickly. "They'll be a
start, anyhow. They're a fairly young couple, not parents who've fostered
children in and out of their door for years. They'll be invested in you and
your wellbeing, even if they have less experience with children. I...imagine
meeting their extended family would be the first step. They have a fairly large
one." They both knew the Wilson's background was quite a bit different from
Eggsy's upbringing. However much this couple liked Eggsy, their extended
family, and any children Eggsy's age therein, wasn't going to be a sure thing.
Eggsy nodded. He didn't have much of a choice. He could have chosen another
foster family, of course, but none of them were going to be close to what he
was used to. "I dunno how to deal with a big family. Hopefully they'll like me.
I just don't know. I'm used to goin' off by myself. It's gonna be so weird
havin' people around. And two people tryin' to be parents, or somethin' like
that."
Half of Harry's mouth lifted, not a full smile, but something close to
reassuring. "It will probably feel somewhat suffocating at first. Compared to
what you're used to, both in the last year and from your time with your mother.
They'll probably be very curious about you, want to do everything together at
first. Probably be your friend, even." Harry really did smile at that,
imagining it, and imagining how troublesome it was probably going to be for
Eggsy, even if it was ultimately a positive change.
"I'm just used to bein' alone now. Between takin' care of myself when my mum
was working or not feeling well, and... well, you were gone on missions
sometimes, and then I was off fendin' for myself. I didn't really get all that
close to anyone I was workin' with. It didn't seem smart to. They weren't
friends, and they might've blabbed if they got caught." Despite the bitter
feeling in his stomach, Eggsy's food was delicious. After a few bites he
started to feel warmed all over, if not comforted.
"Try to give it a chance. Remember, this is only temporary if you want it to
be. You can think on a more permanent situation while you're with the Wilsons.
They've agreed to that," Harry offered. He began to dig into his plate
properly. "But...if you find you don't entirely dislike living with this
couple, we can talk about that with them when it comes time." Harry wasn't
really looking at Eggsy as he spoke, but he was glancing every once in a while.
Eggsy made a noise of scepticism. Truth be told, it was understandable that
he'd be pessimistic about his chances of liking his foster family. Eggsy didn't
have the most positive experiences with adults in a position to care for him,
other than before he'd been aware of Harry's duplicity. "And if I don't like
'em? What happens then?"
"Then you find someone you do like. Boarding school is an option as soon as
you're caught up. I know that sounds very different from anywhere you've been
before, but you might find you'd prefer to be in the company of others your age
and older." Harry blew on another piece of chicken. He sounded like he had a
list in his head of options he could run down already, even if Eggsy wasn't
particularly interested in any of them.
"Boarding school just sounds so... weird. Old fashioned. Like goin' to one of
them schools where nuns hit you with rulers." Eggsy pulled a face. "And the
fact that you're never not at school. Better'n sleeping on the street, I guess.
I don't wanna do that again."
None of Eggsy's options sounded particularly appealing to the boy, but he
didn't have much choice. He couldn't go back to street life, he wasn't allowed
to be legally independent, his mother was still a wreck, and he couldn't trust
Harry enough to live with him. The only option was fosterage and adoption, or
Harry paying for someone to watch over and care for him, which still felt a bit
like putting himself back under Harry's control.
"You'll have time to decide. Just give it some thought." Harry sounded like he
agreed with Eggsy's sentiment.
Quiet fell between them as they ate. The murmurs of conversation and silverware
clattering around them were easy to tune out, but every time Harry's fork
scraped against his plate or he reached to take a sip of water, it drew Eggsy's
attention. Harry's hands did especially. They always had--long fingered but
finely boned. They always looked graceful, even when Harry was doing nothing
more than holding a book or a glass of liquor. Even when Harry wasn't thinking
about the effect his appearance could have.
Eggsy couldn't help but stare, trying to be discreet about it while his
thoughts wandered towards old memories. Those hands had done so much, from
serving food and holding him to comfort, to things far more sensual. The same
hands that he'd watched pouring wine, turning pages, and smoothing down his had
had been the ones brushing over his lips, stroking him, slipping inside him to
open him up. Eggsy had missed sex, and he hadn't had an opportunity to resolve
that want when he'd been running drugs. He hadn't trusted anyone enough for
such things.
Harry caught him looking and Eggsy averted his gaze, but wasn't able to keep
himself from turning red.
Harry's hand paused on the way from his plate. Eggsy saw him breathe in slowly
and then out again as he averted his own eyes. And then Harry took another bite
and didn't comment on it. He kept his eyes off Eggsy and on his vindaloo, and
didn't try to start up conversation again.
Dinner ended like that, quietly finishing before Harry spoke again. "Do you
have everything you need tonight? Toothpaste and a toothbrush should be in the
toilet of your rooms. The pyjamas in the closet will be quite large on you, but
feel free to use them if you'd like. Perhaps the Wilsons can take you on a
shopping trip after you get there."
"Are they even gonna have money for that? I don't got anything anymore. Not
even a change of clothes. I got a bit of leftover cash what was in my pockets
during the escape, but my savings was all back at the other place. Ain't smart
to carry too much quid on you when working with criminals," Eggsy explained.
"The room's fancy and everything, but it feels weird. The bed's soft, and it's
so quiet. I'm used to sleepin' while all kinds of stuff is going on."
Harry gave him a small smile. "Afraid I can't do much about that. But I'll be
giving the Wilsons a regular allowance to spend. Your...'inheritance' from a
deceased family member would perhaps be best to tell them. They'll know me only
as your case worker, and I do not have to be involved in your life any more
than you request or is needed." Harry watched Eggsy calmly, no doubt waiting to
see his reaction to the lie.
"Case worker." Eggsy stiffened ever so slightly, his eyes going flat. "So
you're gonna be checkin' up on me, and visitin', and signing off on where I get
to go. Get bein' the operative term. I imagine you'll find all sorts of ways to
make yourself needed."
A prickle of suspicion moved through the boy. He kept his voice level and very,
very quiet. "How many cameras you got in the Wilsons' place?"
"Eggsy...." Harry closed his eyes and he looked like he wanted to rub his
temple. "It's only so that I can hand you over to them with a reasonable story,
and if or when you decide to go to school or need a tutor or money or whatever
else, they won't question my presence. You never have to see me at all if you'd
prefer, and there are no cameras in their flat." Harry spoke calmly, but there
was no question the sudden change in Eggsy put him off.
"Harry, you spent a bunch of time lyin' to me while promisin' me you were
tellin' the truth. You can't be surprised I don't just take you at your word
anymore. About anythin'. If it's somethin' we need for me to get into schools
and stuff, fine, but I don't plan on being easy to trick and control again."
Eggsy looked up, and his gaze hardened. "Nothin' happens without my say so. And
I'll decide how much I want to see you. Alright?"
"Okay." Harry's face didn't change. His voice was flat, but he sounded like he
was taking Eggsy seriously. "You can call me when you need to, my number is the
same. I will look into getting you a tutor and you can expect to hear from them
directly." Harry watched Eggsy take his words in like he was trying to
determine if he was being believed or not. "For now, however, you should go
back to your room. You don't have to go to sleep, but it'll be getting late
soon."
"When I need to," Eggsy repeated, ignoring Harry’s suggestion. "For anything I
want, or just dealin' with the Wilsons? 'Cause you're not gettin' rid of me
either. I don't care if you feel guilty about stuff. You don't get to control
me, but you also don't get to just hand me off. So long as you're not trying to
manipulate or record me, I want to see you. When I want." Eggsy ate the last
few bites of his food and watched Harry absorb his words.
Harry sat back in his chair, his shoulders loose, slumped. "Whenever you need,
or want to." He didn't sound like he had particularly high expectations that
Eggsy would call him just because he wanted to talk, but Eggsy had made it
clear enough that the option was going to be available to him and Harry didn't
fight it. Harry understood why Eggsy talked with him now, why Eggsy had been
asking him questions and looking for some kind of closure, but it didn't sound
like he expected it to last.
Eggsy nodded. Part of him felt victorious that Harry was so acquiescing and so
stricken. He wasn't in control anymore. Eggsy was, and he planned on damn well
keeping it that way. "Right. Well. If you're done, I suppose we should be
gettin' back. I'm not forbidden from goin' places at night, am I? I'm not gonna
be locked in?"
"No. But make sure you do get some sleep tonight. And stay out of trouble."
Harry frowned and chewed his lip for a moment, but then he stood. He had to use
the cane, stiff from sitting so long and now stretching. He looked like he
wanted to wince in pain, but his face didn't show it. Eggsy could only guess.
Harry did sigh when he was up though and waited politely for Eggsy to stand.
"You remember the way back?"
"Yeah, I do. I'll be alright. I guess I'll talk to you later." Eggsy gave Harry
one final glance and then he walked out. Given that he could move without the
benefit of a cane, he was much faster. The boy was through the cafeteria doors
before Harry reached them.
Eggsy wasn't done yet. Not by a long shot, but he needed to think, and his room
was as good a place as any.
The halls of Kingsman HQ had gotten busier while they'd been at dinner. Eggsy
found himself dodging people in suits walking by faster than usual and he
wondered if it had anything to do with the situation at Belmont. Harry had said
that would be going down soon, if it hadn't already. It was impossible to tell
from the faces of the people he passed whether this was normal or not, or
whether something was amiss.
Five minutes after Eggsy shut himself up in his room, however, there was a
knock at the door. When he opened it, wary of who he might find on the other
side, he found a young woman with a bun and glasses similar to Harry's standing
there. "Eggsy?" She peered down at him and then held out a bundle of
electronics in her arms. "I've been told this is for you."
"Thanks." Eggsy took the bundle from the lady, a bit mystified, but quickly
recognized it as the Nintendo console Harry had talked about, including a few
game discs. He wouldn't have a chance to play much, given that he was supposed
to move out tomorrow to see the Wilsons. "Um. Bye?" Eggsy waited until the
woman left down the hall, then shut the door and tossed the console on his bed.
He wasn't planning on spending the evening gaming. He'd had another idea, one
that was more risky than not, but irresistible. After a few minutes, the boy
slipped out of his room now that he was certain the deliverer was gone. From
the hallway it was a simple matter to retrace his path to Harry's room.
It was lucky for him that part of the building wasn't so busy. He kept his head
down and stopped around the corner when he heard the low murmur of Harry's
voice in the hall. Eggsy didn't have to look to tell that the man was standing
outside his door and speaking to someone else. It was hard to make out words,
but Harry sounded tired. A few things filtered through.
"--will have a list for you by tomorrow. Just make sure to hold everyone for
now. We owe him that much."
Landon's soft burr followed Harry's in a tone Eggsy couldn't quite make out,
but he could tell that their conversation was wrapping up after a few more
exchanges. He heard footsteps turn the other way and then the click of Harry's
door.
Eggsy waited with baited breath until he was certain the hallway was clear. A
glance confirmed it, and he snuck a few more feet until he reached the doorway
with the G on the outside. Ever so carefully, he turned the handle and cracked
it open, then slipped inside.
He didn't see Harry right away, but his pulse sped up as soon as he was through
the doorway. This was madness, nearly literally. He had no reason to be there,
and yet he had at least one.
He heard sounds coming from the toilet. Running water behind the closed door
and the sound of a cabinet opening. Harry was brushing his teeth.
Luckily for Eggsy, the door was closed. He saw Harry's jacket draped over the
back of a chair, but didn't see his shoes anywhere. Harry had probably gone
straight to wash up. Possibly even to get ready for bed. If he'd taken more
pain meds, he might be groggy like he was when he'd woken up earlier.
Eggsy glanced at the door, then around the room. It was a gamble that Harry's
quarters were secured. Eggsy would bet on it, however, given his friendship
with Landon, who seemed to be one of the heads of digital security. Whatever he
did would get erased.
He stripped quickly, tossing his clothing into one corner and sliding
underneath Harry's covers to wait. Harry wouldn't miss him, but he was counting
on not being denied either.
The sounds coming from behind the door quieted after Harry gargled mouthwash
and the water turned off. Every passing second drew out with each movement
behind that door. Eggsy thought he heard Harry sigh, and then there was
silence, a long moment of silence before the handle turned and the door opened,
Harry's arm reaching out to turn the light off behind him. He was still
dressed, but for his jacket, just his sleeves rolled up and his tie missing,
and when Harry lifted his head, he froze mid step.
Chapter End Notes
     Come join us again this Saturday (4/23) for the Dark_Kingsman_Block
     Party!
***** Chapter 40 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Harry's face didn't change when he saw Eggsy lying in his bed. It was more like
time stopped for him altogether.
Eggsy lifted his chin in determination. He looked over Harry and found him much
like he remembered, at least as far as he could see. The same pattern of
softness and hardness that had haunted Eggsy's dreams. "C'mon, then. I never
knew you to be the shy sort. Or ain't you done yet?"
Harry breathed in. He must have stopped at some point. His mouth opened and
nothing came out, but he reached up to grip the door even though he seemed to
be standing perfectly fine. His eyes travelled down Eggsy like he could see
through the bedsheets.
Harry wetted his lips and swallowed. When he spoke, it was barely above a
whisper. "Eggsy, what are you doing?"
"Exactly what I wanna. Unless you want things with a bunch of strings
attached," Eggsy counted with a rebellious jut of his chin. "I ain't full of
tricks like you. I missed this, and it's not like I've got other ways of
gettin' 'em safely. Not like I want some stranger, neither. I'm not stupid, I
know about STIs."
Eggsy frowned. "Are you seriously gonna turn me down, after everythin'? I know
you still want me, and you owe me."
Harry's mouth closed. If Eggsy wasn't mistaken, he looked paler, but he took a
step towards the bed and then another until he sat down next to Eggsy and
looked at him. Harry looked over him like he didn't know what to say. His
throat worked before he found the words. "You could barely touch me the other
day," Harry countered. "How could you stand my touch now?"
"'Cause it's gonna be me in control," Eggsy insisted. "And you're gonna stop
exactly when I say, if I do. None of this trickin' me into stuff. We only do
what I want, and right now I want this. I want you. I can't get this anywhere
else, and I don't trust anyone else with this sorta thing. I know you don't
wanna hurt me, and you say that you love me. So c'mon." Eggsy leaned closer,
mouth set into a stubborn line.
"Eggsy...." Harry's voice nearly broke, but he couldn't take his eyes away from
the boy. He reached out, brushed his fingers against Eggsy's fist where it
curled around the blanket, but he didn't try for any more contact than that.
When Harry turned though, Eggsy could see that the line of his trousers wasn't
so smooth anymore. Harry looked conflicted beyond words. He looked like he was
ready to tell Eggsy he didn't really want this at any second, and yet he wasn't
moving away either. The line between his brows was deeper than ever and Eggsy
had never seen his eyes look so wide and so brown. "What do you want me to do?"
Eggsy turned his wrist and caught Harry's arm, preventing him from moving away.
"It ain't obvious? I want to fuck. But on my terms, this time, not 'cause you
tricked me into it. I missed this and doin' things by myself isn't the same. I
ain't gonna trap you or anything. I don't have a bunch of hidden cameras. I
just want you, without you lyin' to me."
Harry searched his face, brows furrowed, but not in confusion any longer. He
looked like Eggsy had asked to be broken, but he kicked off his shoes and
brought his legs up onto the bed. He laid down next to Eggsy, on top of the
covers and just stared before he reached his hand up to touch his fingers to
Eggsy's cheek. When Eggsy didn't pull away, Harry slid them back into Eggsy’s
hair in a touch so familiar that they could have been lying in bed like this a
year and a half ago when their worries seemed so few in comparison. Harry's
fingers held there, gripping lightly like he didn't want to let go. Eggsy could
see wetness in his eyes.
Small hands reached forward. One stroked Harry's cheek before latching around
his neck, the other drifting towards Harry's waist. Eggsy seemed determined
and, moreover, he actually seemed to want Harry. Anger was still simmering
beneath the surface, but hunger was too. Eggsy didn't trust Harry as far as his
daily life and wellbeing went, but he was trusting him with his body and his
sexuality. For the moment.
It was strange how this was perhaps the one thing Eggsy was confident in about
Harry. This was the one thing he really hadn't lied about. Harry had taught him
sex. He'd discovered what he liked with Harry, and Harry had never hidden his
desires from Eggsy.
When Eggsy's fingertips brushed against Harry's hip, over the fabric of his
shirt and then down over the hem of his trousers, Harry's eyes almost closed.
But then he opened them again and Harry's thumb brushed behind Eggsy's ear, a
soft and gentle gesture. Harry looked into his eyes, swallowing before he
spoke. "Alright. But promise me this won't hurt you."
"Not unless you're too rough," Eggsy laughed quietly. "I'll tell you if I wanna
stop. And you will. We both know I can hurt you if you don't. You don't have
all the power anymore. I want you. I'm mad at you for a lot of things, but I
want you." And he did; Eggsy had grown hard simply laying there, thinking of
what was going to happen, and even more so after he watched Harry sit on the
bed and lean towards him. The collar of Harry’s shirt had fallen with gravity,
giving a tantalizing view of his collarbone and neck.
Harry's chest rose and fell with a deep breath, but this time, unlike the
others, it held an air of longing. Harry shifted closer with the blanket still
between them except for Eggsy's arm. His fingertips massaged the back of
Eggsy's neck and he watched carefully as every inch between them closed. Harry
stopped before he brushed up against Eggsy. His eyes fell to soft, pink lips.
Harry glanced up once more before he leaned in and tentatively pressed his
mouth to Eggsy's.
Eggsy arched up, touching his mouth to Harry's in return. Things weren't
remotely healed between them, not even close. It didn't matter for this,
however. Eggsy's hands came up to frame Harry's face. He ached. Nights and
nights of longing had built towards this, cursing Harry's betrayal while
wishing for his touch, or an approximate touch. None was to be found but with
the man himself.
Harry's mouth opened. He let out a whine and then he was kissing Eggsy. Really
kissing him. It took less than a second for Harry to fall back into it and for
Eggsy to follow. Harry's fingers buried in his hair before they drew down his
back over the blanket, not quite ready to go that far yet. But once Harry
started, he couldn't stop kissing Eggsy. He was desperate with it, turning slow
and delving exploration into a series of soft kisses that trailed up to the
corner of his mouth and then right back again as though he intended to stop
every time, but couldn't.
When Harry finally did break apart, his face was flushed, not pale any longer.
His eyes were glistening with the light and maybe more, but he didn't look
quite so sad anymore.
"C'mon," Eggsy whispered, prompting Harry onward. He was fairly panting in
order to catch his breath, lips reddened from kissing. He scanned Harry's face
with no small amount of desperation, looking for clues of affection. Of truth.
Eggsy wanted signs that he was loved and treasured for himself. Harry was still
on the other side of the covers. "C'mon. It's my choice. I've missed this."
"Eggsy...," Harry whispered, soft and a little broken, but there was love in
it. There was want in it, but more than that. It sounded real. 'Never
doubt....' Shakespeare came back to Eggsy and so did Harry's words way back
then. Harry's hands cupped Eggsy's face before he reached for the blanket,
shifted, and drew it down Eggsy's shoulders to his lower back, revealing
smooth, pale skin and half a body that had grown some, but was still very small
for his age. Harry pushed the covers back so that they were out of his way, but
still didn't pull them off Eggsy yet. Harry was looking through him again, but
this time it didn't seem like Harry saw all the answers Eggsy was hiding. "I'll
do whatever you ask," Harry said softly.
"Good. You can start by convincin' me that you were tellin' the truth about me.
That you want me, not just some kid. Not just me 'cause I'm young enough."
Eggsy glanced back at Harry. His face had filled out a little since the last
time they'd done this, but barely. "You'll do what I want. You'll stop if I say
so. You'll go slow, since I ain't done this since... stuff got bad. You ain't
gonna record me without my permission, and you don't get to ask me for more. We
only do this when I wanna do it. And none of this gets rid of your debt. You're
still gonna owe me."
Harry's eyes turned a little more sober at that. He closed his mouth and nodded
once, understanding on some level that this was about scratching an itch. The
intimacy of it could not be ignored, but Eggsy only wanted part of that now.
Not what they'd had before.
Harry moved his hands from Eggsy's face down to his lower back and shifted
closer. Harry still wanted him, and Eggsy had asked for this, very clearly even
within these new boundaries, so Harry would provide. Harry's fingertips drew
down the softness of Eggsy's backside, still under the covers, and all the way
down to his thigh before they came back up again. Harry's other hand undid the
buckle of his belt.
Eggsy's breathing visibly hitched at the sound of the click of metal and
leather. He'd had dreams about such things, drawn from old memories. His wants
had never been enough to overrule his caution and send him out onto the
streets, looking for someone willing to oblige him. He'd been stuck with
fantasy and fingers, neither of which was really up to the task.
"Take everything off," Eggsy breathed against the side of the pillow. He didn't
want to feel rushed. He wanted warmth. He wanted to feel loved again, enough
that a body curled around him in desire.
Harry removed his hand from Eggsy and the belt slipped loose with a swift pull.
He pulled his shirt free of his trousers and undid the buttons one by one.
Harry watched Eggsy watch him as he did so, quickly, but by practice and not
because he was rushing. Harry seemed a little wary of this yet, but they both
had plenty reason to be. The shirt came off as Harry shrugged it over his
shoulders, revealing the toned body very familiar to Eggsy. His hands went to
his trousers next, unzipping the flies and drawing them down his legs, pants
and everything, in one go. Harry toed off his socks and dropped the clothes
over the edge of the bed and just laid there, stark naked, looking Eggsy.
Eggsy's gaze paused at each bruise, scabbed cut, and taped bandage. The
intervening time hadn't changed Harry besides that. He was still a contrast of
hard muscle and soft skin, comfort and threat. Eggsy didn't doubt that Harry
could hurt him even if he was badly injured, but he also wouldn't. Eggsy didn't
know what he could trust in regards to Harry in all things, but he knew enough
to trust that Harry wouldn't hurt him physically. The boy reached out
awkwardly. "Come here? Please."
Harry didn't hesitate. He moved close, almost right up against Eggsy, and
looped his arms around Eggsy's small waist. Blood had stirred Harry's cock half
hard and it was only growing the closer they came. Harry's hands massaged
Eggsy's back, up to his shoulder blades and back down again until they reached
the covers. Slowly enough for Eggsy to stop him if he wanted to, Harry drew
them away.
They laid there, side by side, just getting to see each other's bodies again.
Harry's fingertips took the same path they had before down Eggsy's back and to
his thigh, and then Harry leaned over and kissed Eggsy's shoulder. His touches
were gentle. Delicate, even. More so than Eggsy remembered.
Warm hands on his skin was a shock, especially once they slid between Eggsy's
thighs - still relatively chaste, but stimulating enough that Eggsy felt
himself immediately grow hard and attentive. The body against his front was
familiar, and so was Harry's scent. Underneath everything else, his routine
cologne and other toiletries and the dryness of wool and linen, Eggsy had
always been able to smell Harry's skin. It brought him right back to old
memories of gracing Harry's bed, led there by the man himself or waiting
sleeplessly for him to get home and wrap around him. Eggsy shifted against
Harry without thinking.
A small gasp escaped Harry's throat. He leaned down again and kissed Eggsy's
collar bone, then the base of his neck. Harry was still so much bigger than him
and had to curl around Eggsy to do it, but that was what they both remembered.
That was all Eggsy had known. One of Harry's hands pressed against the small of
the boy’s back and drew him closer, encouraging him to repeat that grinding
motion that brought their hips together. Harry was hard now, fully, his flesh
pressed against Eggsy's lower stomach, and though Eggsy had grown a little in
that area, he was still nowhere near close to Harry's size.
"Can I touch you?" Harry whispered and Eggsy felt a hand at his hip.
"Y-yeah." Eggsy's response was breathy and quiet, full of the hesitance they
both felt. Eggsy couldn't help but gasp and cant his hips upward once Harry's
touch slid inwards. He hadn't even wrapped his fingers around him yet, and
already he was prickled with gooseflesh. Harry was weight and hard muscle and
big enough to overpower the boy, in size and in strength. Eggsy glanced down
and felt his mouth water. "I want more than you touchin' me, though."
Harry nodded, his breath coming hot on Eggsy's skin. "I can do that."
Harry raised his head and shifted away for a minute, reaching behind him for
the night stand. It took some fumbling through several drawers, apparently he
hadn't been using it very often, but he found a bottle on the third one down.
Harry looked over it and met Eggsy's eyes before he opened the cap. With a
small amount rubbed over his fingers, he shifted close again and took up his
stroking of Eggsy's little cock. A smile formed at Harry's mouth, barely there,
but there all the same, pleased to see Eggsy enjoying his touch.
Eggsy relaxed. He didn't trust Harry with his emotions yet, or with his future.
He didn't trust him not to lie. He did trust him to take care of him in this
way, and Eggsy was confident that he wouldn't find anyone else who could do the
same. Particularly no one that he would be comfortable baring himself to.
Eggsy's mouth dropped open slightly as Harry wrapped around him and began to
stroke. The touch of another person was far different than touching himself.
Harry had remembered what he liked, exactly how much pressure to use and where
to place his fingers. Eggsy was mortified to find that he was so deprived that
Harry reduced him to panting in short order, one thumb rubbing slowly over his
slit at the tip.
Harry was enjoying it nearly as much. Eggsy felt his smiles in the kisses Harry
pressed against his neck and his shoulder. Harry refrained from kissing his
mouth again, seemingly a little uncertain about that after Eggsy told him off,
even though that was unrelated in all but the emotional aspects of the
situation. Harry's fingers drew down farther between Eggsy's legs, massaging
the spot just behind Eggsy's balls until Eggsy felt it and rocked against him,
then bringing his fingers even farther to touch the tender ring of muscle
behind it.
Eggsy shut his eyes and stilled. It wasn't a matter of hesitation; he wanted to
feel what he had before, the delicate touch that circled and teased before
slowly delving inside. Eggsy licked his lips and wrapped his arms around
Harry's chest, pulling himself closer and trying to encourage the man without
saying a word.
Harry wasn't to be so easily swayed, however. Eggsy knew that he wanted this
just as much, but he wasn't going to press without guidance and permission. His
touch stayed light and teasing until Eggsy groaned and pressed his forehead
against the older man's chest. "Harry. Please."
That did the trick. Harry's circling became a press, focused, testing the
tightness of Eggsy's muscle, before it gently pushed inside. It was a sensation
Eggsy hadn't felt in a long time, even with just one of Harry's fingers. With
the lube, it didn't hurt at all, but Harry was still careful. More careful even
than before. He drew out and added more lube and then his finger was back
again, massaging inside Eggsy until it brought him pleasure. Harry moved like
he had all the time in the world to do this, like he either wanted to draw it
out or feared that if he rushed any part of it, he'd hurt Eggsy.
Minutes ticked onwards. Eggsy concentrated on breathing and relaxing while
Harry slowly worked him open. Inside, he ached. He missed how things had been,
the trust and loosed desire. It was still there, but cautious, each of them
worried that the wrong move would shatter things irretrievably. Eggsy tried to
remind himself that it was just sex - not forgiveness, not recommitment, not
anything more than indulgence. They could manage that much.
So Eggsy thought. Harry slipped another finger in, scissoring and stretching,
and Eggsy moaned and spread his legs a little wider, then flushed when he
realized what he'd done.
Harry rewarded him with a kiss just beneath his jaw. He must have felt Eggsy's
sudden tenseness because his free hand smoothed down Eggsy's back. "Don't be
ashamed," Harry whispered. The whole point was that Eggsy should enjoy this.
That Harry would do this for him. Harry was going to get pleasure out of it as
well, but if Eggsy wanted to, he could demand that Harry forego his own
pleasure.
Another finger joined Harry's first after that, and Eggsy could start to feel
the tightness, but Harry knew how to make him forget about it.
Eggsy tried his best to put aside how wanton he felt, and how he knew he must
look. This might have seemed like a reward for all the betrayals, but Eggsy
couldn't think of it like that. It was recompense, or the start of it. Harry
was doing what he wanted, and he was in control. He could stop at any point or
demand anything, but most of what he wanted was what he remembered - the
pleasure that came after the discomfort, and the feeling of connection and love
again.
Harry's clever fingers slid deeper and pressed upwards, and Eggsy felt his
spine bend.
Harry's breath puffed over his shoulder. He took the opportunity to curl around
Eggsy that much closer. With his hand in between Eggsy's parted thighs, it was
easy to open them up a little more, lifting one over Harry's legs while his
third finger slid inside. Harry turned his head so that his mouth pressed right
up against Eggsy's ear and kept Eggsy arching into him with the motion of his
fingers. This would have usually been when Harry said something. It seemed like
he wanted to, putting his mouth there to whisper something so soft only Eggsy
would ever be able to hear it no matter how many cameras there were in the
room. But Harry just let the find hairs at Eggsy's temple brush against his
lips until finally he drew his fingers out.
Eggsy's breath left him all at once. His skin tingled, and Harry's retraction
had left him feeling temporarily empty and lacking. Eggsy felt Harry shift and
heard the opening of a plastic cap again. The boy shut his eyes and breathed.
"...Harry? Tell me... you love me? Just talk to me. I don't just-" The idea of
a silent, uncaring fuck suddenly left Eggsy feeling cold. That had been exactly
what he'd contemplated before, with other people, and when he first started,
but he didn't know if he could take this being nothing but detached business,
mere stimulation.
Harry looked up from the bottle and set it down. Whatever he'd been holding
back fell away. "I do love you. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone."
Harry reached up with his clean hand to stroke Eggsy's hair back from his
forehead. He looked at Eggsy like he was willing Eggsy to believe him,
desperate for it. And then Harry leaned in and pressed his mouth to Eggsy's.
Harry kissed him like they'd started out doing, like he'd wanted to all along.
Tentative still, but wanting just the same.
Eggsy wrapped arms around Harry's neck and kissed him back. There was
desperation in it, but not the same sort. Harry was willing Eggsy to believe
him, and Eggsy... was trying to believe. He wanted to believe that everything
hadn't been a lie and that he'd truly fallen for a real person, but he couldn't
quite manage to bridge that last gap on faith. It was too soon and he'd been
too badly hurt.
When they parted, Harry had one arm behind Eggsy and was stroking his hair. It
was a motion so familiar in a situation so familiar, and yet in a context
entirely different from what Eggsy had known before. Harry spent a long minute
just looking at Eggsy. He was letting Eggsy watch him in return, letting him
decide if he still wanted to go through with this after having a taste. Eggsy
wanted it, Harry wanted it, and yet there was no avoiding the pain of loss and
memory between them.
Eggsy saw the same kind eyes, the same lines of age that softened Harry's face
and made him so familiar and welcoming. He counted his heartbeats, trying to
slow them down. Fingers stroked through the boy's hair. His lover had tasted
just like he'd remembered. "...please, Harry. I want to." Eggsy shifted his
hips to reinforce his words.
Harry nodded and kissed his cheek, and then Harry lifted himself up to hover
over Eggsy, kissing him softly now and again, until Eggsy heard the snap of the
bottle once more. Harry rested his weight on one elbow and reached down to coat
his cock with the lube. His gaze lingered there on himself and on Eggsy so
close, both erections straining. He looked up one last time to see that Eggsy
was sure, and then lowered himself down to press the head of his cock between
Eggsy's spread legs. Harry found that ring of muscle and, slowly, ever so
slowly, pressed inside.
Eggsy's eyes closed and his breathing stopped for a moment. It had been so long
that he hadn't quite remembered exactly what it felt like. His body was slowly
parting and giving way. Harry was so close Eggsy could feel the heat radiating
from him, along with the heat sliding into him between his legs. A kiss was
pressed against Eggsy's neck and prompted him to start breathing again.
Harry moved up to his cheek and then to his temple, kissing wherever he could
while he let Eggsy breathe. Finally Harry was deep enough that he stopped and
let Eggsy adjust. Maybe it wasn't totally for Eggsy's benefit alone. For a long
moment Harry's breaths matched Eggsy's, laboured like he was having a hard time
accepting the reality of the situation. His fingers curled into Eggsy's hair
and then Harry moved again, pulling back slowly and carefully pushing forward
in the beginnings of a rhythm.
Eggsy watched him with half-lidded eyes, spread wide for the taking with all
the flexibility of youth. He shifted and planted his feet, tilting his hips
just so, and the next slow thrust sent a crackle of electricity through him. It
was far better than he'd managed in his time alone, exploring and pressing with
fingers just a little too short and skinny to be able to manage what he wanted.
Imagination had been a poor substitute.
Harry was wrapped all around him like this. One arm wound under Eggsy's lower
back to hold him up and keep that angle. The other was caught between Eggsy's
shoulders and the mattress, and Harry leaned over him, pressing their bodies
together, catching Eggsy's mouth in a kiss that he didn't want to end. Harry's
thrusts grew quicker and deeper and then Eggsy found himself pressed into the
mattress with Harry's weight atop him and Harry's soft groans against his
mouth. One of Harry's hands freed itself and worked in between them, searching
for Eggsy's cock.
That was what Eggsy remembered, being stroked from without and within, pinned
against the mattress and yet feeling the safest he'd ever been. Harry had
caught him up, and it was his Harry, before he'd known about the lies and
deception. Eggsy found himself clinging to the older man and whispering his
name against his lips in between kisses. He didn't want to remember anything
else. He wanted to stay frozen in time.
He heard his own name whispered back to him. Harry was there and answering his
cries. Harry had him wrapped up in his arms and safe from the world. Harry's
love was inside him and all around him, pressing in close and protecting him.
Galahad was gone. Every time Harry thrust in to bring Eggsy pleasure he bridged
the gap a little more. The room around them didn't exist anymore. They were
back at Harry's house, in Harry's room, in the bed that was just as much
Eggsy's.
"Love you," Harry whispered in between Eggsy's quiet chant.
Eggsy didn't last long like that. One hand fisted in his lover's hair, the
other scratched furrows in Harry's back, and Eggsy climaxed with a soft cry.
Harry felt the soft body he was sinking into clench around him, tightening in
waves before Eggsy went boneless and sated in his embrace. The boy's expression
was just like Harry had remembered, dewy flushed skin and soft parted lips as
he caught his breath.
Harry stared, transfixed, but didn't stop. His hands came up to either side of
Eggsy's face and he just held him there like that while the last of Eggsy's
orgasm washed through his body, drawn out by Harry's ever quickening thrusts,
and then Harry was coming, too. He buried himself deep and froze, shuddering
just a little with his mouth open and no sound escaping.
Harry stayed like that. He drew the moment out for as long as he could, like he
would stay inside Eggsy all night if Eggsy would let him. Just wrap Eggsy up
like this in his arms with the covers around them and hold there. Harry's head
dipped and he placed a kiss to Eggsy's neck.
Eggsy had to come down eventually from that high. He didn't want to, though,
and he put it off as long as he could, pushing thoughts away while he stayed
tucked close against Harry. He'd have to deal with everything later - the
soreness, and the emotional fallout. Right then he wanted to stay in the
fantasy, feeling loved so he could hold onto the memories later. "Harry."
Eggsy felt a breath against his hair--Harry recognizing that one word for what
it was. Gentle fingers stroked away the beads of sweat at Eggsy's temple and
Harry made a small sound of acknowledgement. With care, he shifted onto his
side and drew out of Eggsy, but he didn't take his arms away and he didn't move
back. He kept Eggsy curled into him, hoping that the boy would stay.
"Are you alright?" Harry asked.
Eggsy shook his head wordlessly, eyes closed. Nothing could be alright. He
clung to Harry, and Harry didn't pull away, but the boy felt an inexplicable
sense of loneliness. "I don't know what to do, Harry. I don't. None of this was
supposed to happen. I was supposed to live with you, and you were s'pposed to
be a tailor, an'- an' when I got older, we could've gone somewhere where
nobody'd know I was adopted."
Harry's arms tightened, fearing to let Eggsy go. "I wanted those things for us.
Except I was far less scrupulous than all that. I'll never be just a tailor.
I'll never be...any other kind of man than what I am. But I wanted you to be
happy with me. And I wanted you to stay for as long as you would, for better or
worse." Harry sighed into Eggsy's hair and began stroking his back. It was
difficult to say whether the motion was to sooth Eggsy or whether it was Harry
who wanted the comfort of touch.
"I want everythin' fixed again. I want to go back and I don't know how," Eggsy
murmured, voice cracking. The first few tears rolled down his cheeks. "I don't
know how to fix it and I don't want to go to a dumb ol' boarding school. I
don't wanna live with a bunch of strangers again who feel all sorry for me and
ask me questions when I can't tell 'em nothin'. I miss you and I miss my mum."
"I know you miss the man you thought I was, but I am here. And I will not leave
you unless you ask me to." Harry spoke into Eggsy's hair. He could feel the
words almost as well as he could hear Harry say them. "I miss you, too, Eggsy.
My life has been filled with very little without you." Harry didn't sound like
he'd meant to tell Eggsy that, but he thought about it and went on. "I lived
alone before you came to live with me, as you thought I had. You turned my
world upside down, just to have you there. To be able to take you places and
show you things....I relished that more than I had ever known I would."
"I don't know you, though. I don't know what's you and what's fake. I can't
even ask. I can't tell when you're lying." The crux of the issue lay in that -
the struggle to rebuild trust. Eggsy had no experience with such things, and no
idea how to try, or if he'd like the man Harry revealed himself to be. How
could he place trust in the answers of someone who'd repetitively, effortlessly
lied? What could he do when previous leaps of faith had been broken?
"I know," Harry said softly. He stroked Eggsy's hair and left it at that. The
truth was that Harry couldn't fix this. Harry could try, but either Eggsy would
accept the man Harry really was and they might grow to hold onto some of the
affection between them that each refused to let go, even if they could never
have more than that again. Or Eggsy wouldn't accept him. Eggsy would have to
move on if that was the case, with Harry's help and funding sectioned off to
the background of his life. "The important thing is that you grow up to live
your life for you. If along the way you find that you and I can still get
along, that's all the better, but either way, your life is your own. It was
never mine to take."
Eggsy accepted the statement quietly. Perhaps he was too exhausted to do
otherwise. He didn't move away from where he was curled against Harry's body,
though. "I don't wanna go. But I prob'ly can't stay. Kinda stupid, doin' this
in a place full of spies. I just... I miss this. And you. Old you. I don't
wanna not see you again."
Harry smiled. "They have no reason to think it strange that you might visit me
in my own rooms at night. You are my ward after all. My family." There was a
touch of sadness in Harry's face, but he kept the smile. He let his hold loosen
around Eggsy just a little, making sure Eggsy knew he'd been heard. "If we get
cleaned up, I'll walk you back to your room. It's pretty late now. Not that
you'd notice by the hours we keep around here." Harry didn't look like he
wanted to move though.
Eggsy considered. He wanted to stay, but he was also afraid of what might
happen if he did. Harry had already swayed him a bit, like a hit of an old
favourite drug he'd only just weaned off of. He needed time to think and space
to breathe, even if the notion of going back to the guest room seemed so cold
and empty. "Yeah, okay," Eggsy whispered, but he couldn't get his body to
follow through and move out of Harry's embrace.
Harry hummed and they both laid there.
Seconds passed into a minute before Harry spoke again. "One of us should move.
I suppose it'll have to be me if you want to get out of here tonight." Harry
smiled down at him, and his smile wasn't so sad. Soft, but he seemed genuinely
happy that Eggsy didn't want to get up either. Harry bent and pressed a kiss to
the top of Eggsy's head, lingering, but then with a sigh he propped himself up
on one elbow and stretched out beside Eggsy. It was a concerted effort to move,
but still not quite good enough.
After another long moment, Eggsy's breath left him in a sigh and he rolled onto
his back, then away and off the bed. His legs were shaky as he got to his feet
and searched for his clothes. "You're... not goin' anywhere tomorrow, are you?
I mean, they're not gonna send you out on assignments for a bit until you're
healed up. Right?" Eggsy tried to keep his tone detached and bland, but there
was little point. They both knew why he was asking.
Harry shook his head, the fond smile still at his mouth. "Not for a few weeks
yet, I imagine. Strenuous activity and the like." Harry's eyes twinkled in the
light. He surely wasn't telling his doctors about this encounter any time soon.
"We'll see how things go tomorrow with meeting the Wilsons, but I'll be around
if you'd like." With that, he pushed himself the rest of the way up and,
careful of his side, climbed off the bed. He held his hand out for Eggsy,
attention half turned towards the toilet.
Eggsy only hesitated for half a beat, but it was a reminder that trust was
still conditional between them. The boy no longer feared physical pain or
deadly force from Harry, and he was secure enough to ask for sex, but not to
place his emotions or heart on the line. Still, trusting even that much was a
small victory and sign of progress, as was the fact that Eggsy followed Harry
into the loo with his clothes tucked in one arm. He stood by while Harry
fiddled with the taps to start the shower running.
Harry's hand settled over the thick bandages at his side before he looked to
the water. "I'm afraid the shower's all yours tonight. Too much work to re-
bandage this." He took out a large flannel and wetted it under the shower head
before ushering Eggsy to the open glass door.
This part was strange. Their intimacy had been one thing, but the routine of
clean up, the normality of it, was surreal. So too was Harry not joining Eggsy
in the shower like he'd used to. He was close. He could give Eggsy a hand up
and help him inside the basin, but Harry wasn't going to come in and wrap his
arms around Eggsy as he had so often done before.
The lack of closeness afterwards, which had always been present before, left
Eggsy with a hollow feeling in his stomach. Eggsy stepped in and shut the glass
panel behind him. The glass was frosted and textured enough that he couldn't
make out anything more of Harry beyond a hazy silhouette framed in light. The
boy started to wash and cringed at the soreness that he was no longer used to,
but that wasn't the hard part. Watching Harry's outline on the other side of
the shower was.
It didn't take long to let the water wash away the mess they'd left behind.
Eggsy saw Harry move away, done with his cleaning, and rummage around in one of
the cabinets off to the side. He wasn't even paying attention to Eggsy. Or so
it seemed.
When Eggsy bent to shut off the water, push back his hair, and open the door,
he only got one foot out before something soft and warm fell around his
shoulders. Harry's hands came with it, wrapping Eggsy up in a towel and setting
himself down on the bench across from the stall. Harry was smiling like he'd
been waiting just for that moment when he could dry Eggsy off.
Eggsy hurt all over again. It was so like the Harry he'd known. He'd never
stopped missing that man, even when he'd burned with anger and hatred over what
Harry had done and how he'd been manipulated. A lump formed in Eggsy's throat
while Harry dried him with attentive care - a bit slower than normal due to his
injuries, but just like their old routine.
It occurred to Eggsy that this might be his last chance. If he did decide upon
the Wilsons, he might be moving right away. Kindly as the people might be, they
wouldn't understand why if he wanted to spend the night at his social worker's
house at some point. Eggsy also didn't know if he could stomach trying to sleep
in a house that held so many memories.
Harry could see his anguish--it was written all over his face--but Harry didn't
stop and he didn't ask what was wrong. Judging by the way his smile softened,
Harry already knew.
The business of drying off lasted longer than it needed to. Harry found every
spot on Eggsy's body and then checked again. When he couldn't hold off any
longer, he wrapped the towel around Eggsy's shoulders and let his hands run
over it. "My dear boy." The words came from Harry's lips like a sigh. Like he'd
been holding them back for a long time.
Eggsy stepped forward and pressed his forehead against Harry's bare chest. The
bruises were just as colourful up close. Eggsy fought with himself, torn in
opposite directions by what he wanted and what he knew he should want. All of
this might very well be a trick. One more attempt to manipulate him. Eggsy knew
this. He'd even seen a bit of it, people going back again and again to those
who hurt them.
It didn't matter. Eggsy couldn't stop thinking that it might be his last chance
for one more night, and he'd dreamed about waking up to find that everything
that had transpired had just been a bad dream. Temptation was a siren song he
couldn't resist. "...I don't wanna go."
Harry's eyes widened by a fraction. His hands wrapped gently around Eggsy's
wrists as Harry searched his face. "Would you like to stay here tonight?" Harry
asked, making each word quiet but clear. "That wouldn't be out of the question.
No one would say anything even if they noticed; you're young enough yet...."
Harry's eyes dropped for a split second and he looked perhaps ashamed to be
suggesting another lie, even if it was what Eggsy wanted. "The point is, if you
want to, you are welcome."
Eggsy's heart was fluttering like a bird trying to escape its cage. He nodded
quickly before he lost his nerve. Shy wouldn't have been a word any of his
associates on the street would have pinned to him, but Harry brought out all of
his uncertainties and a still-raw vulnerability. "Just... just tonight. I don't
wanna go back and be alone. Not right now." Not in the unfamiliar room and the
quiet that was so eerie after growing up next to the train tracks and living
with drug dealers.
"Okay. We can do that." Harry's arms wrapped around Eggsy's back and pulled him
closer still until Eggsy was enveloped in his warmth, the softness of the
towel, and the utter realness of Harry's skin. Eggsy would have to believe
Harry that this was ok, and normal, to spend the night in Harry's room. He
didn't have a lot of experience in what was normal and what wasn't these days.
He knew just enough. It was impossible to say, however, what meaning a building
full of spies might assign to it, but Harry did seem to think it would be ok.
"Come," Harry said and wrapped an arm around Eggsy, leading him back to the
bed. Harry looked like he wanted to lift Eggsy up in his arms, but he refrained
for the sake of his injuries.
Eggsy looked worried the whole way there, all furrowed brow and sharp eyes that
kept glancing at Harry's face and the door. Eggsy didn't have illusions that
Harry was safe or what he seemed to be. "You're sure? Nobody's gonna-... I can
go if they're gonna think-" Eggsy could leave, but he didn't want to. Or at
least he didn't want to leave the small amount of comfort and reassurance he
was getting, along with the fantasy that he could get his old lover back.
Harry sat down at the edge of the bed. "I nearly died the other day. No one
will think anything of it if you sleep in my room. Merlin has been charged with
keeping tabs on you when I'm not available. Barely anyone else will even
realise you're not in your guest quarters." He sat there, naked but for the
towel over his lap and watched Eggsy decide. There was something calm about
Harry now. He wanted Eggsy to stay, he seemed even relieved that Eggsy had
communicated the same desire, but he was willing to let Eggsy come to him.
Mention of Harry's friend brought another tension into Eggsy's shoulders, but
after one last glance at the doorway, he left it. Step by step, he drew closer
to the bed. "This don't mean I forgive you, y'know. For everything. Just 'cause
I wanna stay tonight doesn't mean I'm not mad at you." The boy was, but it was
also difficult to reconcile his feelings. Harry was two people at once, the
treasured lover and the hated adversary. Eggsy couldn't split the two apart.
"I know." Harry's voice held no inflection, but he held out his hand when Eggsy
came close enough and drew him in with a touch. Harry's hands came up to stroke
his hair, cradling his face on either side before he gave Eggsy a small smile
and then drew back the covers. Harry shifted back on the bed and let Eggsy
climb in after him. His hand tentatively caressed Eggsy's side as though Harry
were unsure whether Eggsy wanted to be held or not. It was kind of funny at
this point that he had such hesitation. It was fairly clear Eggsy wanted to be
close, to have some of the intimacy they'd once shared. The barrier he'd set in
place was a mental one, but Harry was wary of crossing it all the same.
Eggsy had the same issue, shying away from completely embracing how they'd
slept in the past. He was close enough to feel Harry's presence, body weight,
and heat, but not pressed against him. The bit of space between them was
another reminder of the chasm that laid between their minds. Even the small
hand settling on Harry's waist as a counterpoint didn't overrule the fact that
things weren't healed. "'m not a kid anymore," he protested sleepily.
The corners of Harry's mouth tugged upwards. "No?" His fingers teased lightly
over Eggsy's skin before Harry reached for the covers and pulled them up around
Eggsy's shoulders for warmth. Harry's hand slipped back to where it had been
before though. It felt like he wanted to pull Eggsy in, but the touch was nice
too. The fact that Eggsy was touching Harry as well seemed to make a
difference. Harry didn't dismiss his question though. He looked fond, but
intently curious.
"Lived on my own, and stuff. Can take care of m'self." Whatever Eggsy's
protests of self-sufficiency, he didn't look so capable. Certainly he wasn't
affirming his independence by returning to his room alone. "'m not afraid. Of
you anymore, or anyone. 'm not. I don't do nothin' I don't want to."
Harry's smile widened a little more. "Hm. You have me there I suppose. You're
very independent now. More so than many young adults." There was indulgence in
Harry's voice, but it was because Harry had cast his eyes over Eggsy's still
very small body, not because those details hadn't been true. Eggsy had more
experience of the adult world now than the vast majority of kids his age. He
had another kind of experience now, too, that they lacked--emotional
experience. Arguably more and in a shorter span of time than a person should
ever go through, but he'd kept his head up and he'd survived.
"Just don't think you can trick me anymore. You're not allowed to. If you
want..." Eggsy trailed off, lulled a bit by fatigue and the emotional drain of
the day. "...anythin', you can't lie anymore. I don't want more lies. I
wanna... know who you are. Not who you think I'd like."
Harry's smile sobered. "Ok. From now on you're...a partner in crime, as it
were. One who can opt out whenever he so chooses." A soft sigh escaped Harry.
He didn't look as tired as Eggsy felt, but his presence was calm and quiet even
if he couldn't exactly be called soothing to Eggsy's mind just then. He looked
like he wanted to stay up and watch Eggsy fall asleep just for the experience
of it.
He got his wish. Whatever Eggsy's misgivings about Harry's trustworthiness, he
was too exhausted from stress and sex and the warmth of the shower and, now,
the bed. After a number of minutes his breathing began to slow, turning into a
steady rise and fall. The boy retained a fragile innocence in sleep that wasn't
always present during his grouchier moods while awake. Harry watched, and while
he did, Eggsy shifted a little closer while unconscious.
Harry closed the short distance between them. He couldn't let that space
remain. "Eggsy." Harry mouthed the word more than he whispered it. He'd never
thought he'd have this beautiful boy in his arms again. Ever. The feel of him,
the visage of his slumbering face...Eggsy was a dream. And yet he was there and
no matter how much Harry blinked, he didn't vanish like he had every night
before.
Gently, careful not to wake him, Harry wrapped his arms around the boy and
kissed his temple. "I love you." Harry hoped that some part of Eggsy would hear
him. And believe it.
Eggsy didn't answer. He was lost to dreams. That didn't matter though. He was
solid, and there, and he didn't shift away from Harry's body or his affection.
He'd chosen to stay that night. He'd also chosen to seek Harry out, and ask for
sex, after everything that had transpired. The boy trusted Harry enough to fall
asleep in his arms and in his bed.
Chapter End Notes
     Come join us again this Saturday (4/30) for the Dark_Kingsman_Block
     Party!
***** Chapter 41 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Harry awoke the next morning with something soft against his nose. It was a
strange yet comfortable sensation that pulled at some memory in the back of his
mind, but he couldn't remember what. The softness pressed against his lips when
he turned his head, barely moving at all because whatever it was, dream or
reality, it put him completely at ease. He felt content wrapped up in blankets
and warmth, his arms curled around something small and equally as warm. That
detail pinged another distant memory, but Harry still couldn't put his finger
on it except for the fact that it felt like perfection. His arms were meant to
hold this small, warm body. This person.
Blearily, with the strangeness of the realisation that there was another person
with him, Harry opened one eyelid and saw strands of golden brown hair where
his nose had been buried, and underneath were the delicate brows and lashes,
little nose and slightly parted lips of one Eggsy Unwin. The boy he thought
he'd never wake up with in his arms again.
Eggsy was still quite unconscious, although he was beginning to stir due to the
slight movement Harry had jostled him with. He must have felt secure, as he
hadn't woken during the night at all. He was even closer than he'd been when
he'd fallen asleep, now pressed against Harry rather than a few centimetres
away. The boy hadn't had any pyjamas with him or bothered to redress at all
after the activities of the previous night, which meant that a creamy length of
skin continued uninterrupted well past the edge of the sheets. Harry could feel
Eggsy pressed against him.
In his mind, Harry let his hand slide down Eggsy's back and over the round
curve of his arse. He imagined kneading there, pulling the boy's thigh up just
a little to shift his hips and let Harry's hand slip around to his front to
find his little cock. Harry would tease it, or sometimes he would even pull the
covers up and over his head until he could slide down and use his tongue
instead, until Eggsy woke with the pleasant yearning feelings Harry created in
him.
But that had been before, when Harry was welcome to do such things without
Eggsy's explicit permission. And this, just this much, was more than he'd dared
hope to have again.
Harry at least got to treasure the moment, and the way Eggsy burrowed against
him under the covers, unconsciously drawing closer to warmth and a sense of
safety. When the boy's eyes finally opened, it took a few seconds before they
lit up with recognition and understanding of where he was, and who he was with.
"...hey. Mornin', I guess." Both of them were stiff, and pressed against one
another's legs. There wasn't any way to address the situation without
embarrassment short of breaking contact and pretending nothing had happened.
"Good morning." Harry's mouth lifted with a small smile. He let Eggsy shift
enough to look around, but didn't remove his arms or try to turn away. Harry
wasn't going to push for anything more, but there was no need to pretend
either. He didn't fear he was going to traumatize Eggsy with unwanted intimacy
after last night. "Did you sleep well?" Harry asked, not wanting to break their
cocoon of exquisite comfort.
"Yeah." Eggsy sounded, and looked, surprised. He looked around, but the room
appeared much the same as the previous night. Kept below ground for security
reasons, there wasn't any sense of the sun to give a perspective of time. What
lighting there was could be timed to simulate such things, but it had been
turned off due to Harry's injuries and what was presumed to be an erratic
schedule while he healed. "I... yeah. Thanks. For last night. Lettin' me stay
and all."
"Thank you for staying," Harry countered, voice soft and velvety from just
waking. Quiet words shared between them like he remembered even if the context
was off. As much as he appreciated the closeness between them, Harry had to
search for the right words. He hadn't expected this and he didn't want to make
it sound as though he had. "I slept very well, too." Even his side wasn't
hurting as they laid entwined like this, Harry realised. It probably would when
he shifted, along with the multitude of other bruises that adorned his body, so
he didn't move. His smile curved again. "I think you've healed me."
Eggsy huffed in dismissal. "Right. Sure. One fuck for every bruise and broken
bone, right?" Eggsy shifted and dropped onto his back, one arm propped above
his head as he stared up at the ceiling. It was the same blank whiteness that
he'd seen in a number of other rooms there at headquarters. "Think you've
busted me up in return. I ain't done that since... well. Not used to it
anymore. Hope I don't gotta do a lot of sittin' today."
Harry snorted. "Poor disillusioned young man." He had been right, as soon as
Harry moved, shifting more onto his front to curl his arms under the pillow
rather than Eggsy, his body protested. "We can compare aches and pains over
breakfast since I'm afraid you've broken the spell." But Harry couldn't get rid
of his smile. Eggsy was putting on a tough act, but he was still in Harry's
bed. He'd woken up in Harry's arms, and he had not only let it happen, but
wanted it to happen. Harry wanted to reach out to him again. The short distance
seemed abhorrent. Eggsy was going to go off again with some new family after
they left this bed, and Harry didn't want to let it happen.
The boy turned his head and arched one brow. "Right. I've bespelled you. That
explains why I've been so mad at you but ended up here anyways, 'cause I'm the
wizard of the two of us. Although, I guess, I said I wanted to be, didn't I."
Eggsy sighed again. The bed in the guest room hadn't exactly been shabby, but
the agency apparently splurged on beds for their agents. Harry's bed was the
sort you never wanted to leave. "I dunno that I want breakfast. I could just
lay 'ere another half day."
"I'd be quite alright with that." Harry admired Eggsy with the one eye that
wasn't buried in his pillow and pretended to think more a minute. "If you
believe I've bespelled you, and I believe you've bespelled me, would that not
make us both wizards? Unwittingly casting spells upon each other?" Harry let
his smile widen. He'd missed this kind of ridiculous logic play and he knew
Eggsy was about to roll his eyes at him for enjoying it so much. Eggsy was all
grown up now, after all.
As predicted, Eggsy rolled his eyes, but his mouth still turned up at the
corners. "Just don't think I'm so easy to bespell anymore. An' I don't want you
too. I want to know who you actually are, remember. I was thinkin' about it,
actually."
Eggsy shifted, turning in bed to face Harry more directly. He wanted to watch
the older man and see if his reactions gave anything away. "I can't do that if
I never see you. But I don't think I can... I can't handle too much right now.
I want to be able to see you when I'm tryin' this new place, but not with them
around, and only when I want to. You gotta be honest with me, no tryin' to
pretend to be what you think I want. If I think you're lyin' to me again, I'll
stop seein' you."
The playfulness fell away from Harry's features, soft as they still were upon
waking. Eggsy's words were a douse of cold water. One he'd been expecting, if
he were honest, but he couldn't help but feel it all the same. "You've made
that last bit clear. I haven't forgotten. I'm still a little surprised you want
to see me at all, even after you've explained why." Harry pursed his lips and
glanced away, only to catch himself and draw his eyes back to Eggsy's again. He
couldn't be seen running away. He had to find strength in this regard, for
Eggsy's sake even more than his own.
"I had a lot of time to think about things, when I was runnin' drugs and didn't
have to worry 'bout you grabbin' me anymore. What I'd want to say, what I'd
want to do. What you might've been thinkin'. What was real and what was fake. I
just... didn't expect I'd ever be seein' you again, but now I've got a chance
to actually do some of that stuff." Eggsy looked calm, but his breathing gave
away just how tense he felt having this discussion. "I don't know if it'll work
out like it did in my head, in any of the ways I thought about, but. Well, you
owe me, and I wanna know. An' I missed sex but it ain't like I can just go get
some."
"You can call me whenever you want to see me. I'll find an excuse for the
Wilsons." Harry reached out and touched his fingertips to Eggsy's arm, letting
them trail over the skin. Eggsy was as soft as he remembered. His time away may
have hardened his thoughts, but his skin was just how Harry remembered. He
wanted to tell Eggsy about all the endings he'd imagined for them as well, the
good and the bad, but he had a feeling that most of it would only hurt the boy.
Eggsy needed to see whether any of his imaginings would come to pass first. And
Harry still didn't know if any of this could be resolved for the better. But.
He could do his best to see it so. "I'll come whenever you ask."
"Good." Eggsy's smile turned crooked. Harry had never quite seen such a look on
Eggsy before he ran away. Eggsy had looked at him with want before, but not
with that particular brand of open lascivity. "Speakin' of, what if I asked
now? Or are you too beat up from last night? 'cause if I'm not gonna get
another chance for a while..." Eggsy shrugged, trying to be nonchalant, but he
was inwardly thrilled. He had missed sex, but Harry had missed that and more.
Eggsy was confident that Harry would jump at anything he offered, which meant
he finally had a way to feel in control beyond reminding Harry of his debt.
In spite of himself, Harry's mouth spread into a smile. "How could I ever deny
you?" The words felt like a needle prick and yet they were true. Harry wanted
him, had wanted him from the moment they'd woken, and that overrode what little
pain he felt at Eggsy so obviously using Harry's desperation to his advantage.
It was also true that this might all fade as soon as Eggsy walked out his door,
went home with the Wilsons, and decided he didn't want Harry any longer. Harry
wasn't going to risk losing this opportunity. He let his fingers curl around
Eggsy's arm and drew the boy in as he shifted closer. "I think I can live with
the soreness," Harry murmured as he kissed the corner of Eggsy's mouth. "What
would you like?"
"Your mouth. An' if you do a good job, I'll think about askin' you to come, an'
how you get to," Eggsy answered. The boy was clearly pleased with himself. He'd
found a way to have power over Harry beyond threatening not to see him again,
or legal threats they both knew Eggsy wasn't going to try. Harry wanted him and
his body, and Eggsy was more than fine with using that to his advantage and
pleasure. "Would you, ever? Deny me?"
Harry paused his kisses to look at Eggsy. He thought about that. He wanted to
say that if he had to, he would. But.... "I don't know. Not for certain. I want
to believe that I could deny you if it was in your better interests. Or my own.
But I can't say for sure." Harry felt his smile pull down with a bitter
thought. "I couldn't even deny you when you forbade me from taking you off the
street, no matter how much I knew I should have." He smoothed his hand down
Eggsy's back to take the sting out of his words. They weren't meant to hurt
Eggsy. It had been Harry's own failing.
"You did what I wanted. 'Sides, it wouldn't have mattered. I was scared of you,
and hated feelin' like you controlled me, and I would have felt controlled no
matter where you put me. I would've run away at the first chance and just gone
back to what I'd been doin'." Eggsy's expression turned thoughtful and
considering. If what Harry implied was true, he was confessing that he'd do
anything Eggsy asked of him. Lies were difficult to detect with the man, but
this was easy to test. He'd either comply, or he wouldn't.
Harry gave a soft hum. Eggsy sounded dismissive, but he was also focused on his
own pleasure and somewhat distracted. Harry let his eyes wander down the boy's
torso, thinking about the way Eggsy had asked for what he wanted before Harry
bent to kiss his collar bone. Harry shifted closer and down the bed, getting
ready to trail down Eggsy's body after he lingered for a bit.
"Do you miss waking up like that?" Harry asked softly. "With me between your
legs? My mouth on your cock?" There had been a time when Eggsy had gotten so
used to it that Harry could get him off and he still wouldn't be fully awake
even though he'd let his body respond with soft moans and the straining of his
hips.
"Yeah. I..." Eggsy laughed quietly and suddenly averted his gaze. "I was still
pissed at you, obviously, and scared that you might find me or come get me, but
I missed things. Enough that it started drivin' me crazy, 'cause I was used to
things and I wasn't gonna be gettin' any. I'd wait until everyone was asleep
and I was alone, and then I'd pretend I was gettin' sucked off again."
Harry could imagine it. Eggsy cooped up in that tiny little flat on the East
End, thinking of him night after night as the teens who'd taken him in laid
passed out in their own filth and rubbish. Harry didn't realise he'd let out
any sound until he heard his own quiet moan. He cut it off by placing his mouth
against Eggsy's sternum, kissing and nipping little bits down his chest. Harry
marvelled at Eggsy's smallness when he shifted over the boy and wrapped his
hands around Eggsy's sides.
"I like the thought of that," Harry admitted as he nudged Eggsy's knees apart.
"What, that you were still there with me in my head, even when I'd escaped?"
Eggsy let out a huff of breath. "'Course you would. You went to all that
trouble to hook me in the first place. I thought about more, y'know. If I could
ask one of the other boys there, but if I guessed wrong, I might've gotten
beaten up and kicked out. Or worse. And I learned quick that it was a stupid
idea to try to find someone on the street, 'cause people who are interested
usually kidnap you. Sometimes I wondered if some of the people I ran stuff to
were just... feedin' things to people they had locked up in a back room."
Harry looked up. "If you had disappeared out there.... You don't want to know
what I'd have done to whoever took you." Harry broke their gaze and laid his
head over Eggsy's stomach. "If that had happened, I would have broken my word
to get you out." He wasn't sure if Eggsy would like to hear that or not. As
comforting as it might have sounded in any other situation, Eggsy had been
terrified of being under Harry's control and surely feeling like he might be in
Harry's debt as well. Funny how things had turned out the very opposite in the
end.
Harry turned his head again and began to place chaste kisses down the boy's
stomach.
Eggsy squirmed. The tender skin was just as ticklish as Harry remembered.
Eggsy's attention was beginning to wander as Harry drifted lower down his body.
"Well... that's good, at least. I mean, I would've been scared of you for sure,
but better that then ending up a drugged rentboy in some closet. Hell, I was
afraid of some of the people I was deliverin' to, but they knew better than to
try anything with me, or their shipments would get cut off."
Harry stopped. He couldn't help it. His arms wound under Eggsy's back until
they wrapped all the way around him and Harry buried his head against the boy's
soft belly, hugging him tight. He had always had faith in Eggsy. Eggsy had
always been good about navigating the world, even before he'd met Harry. Harry
even suspected he had the potential for much more. But the thought of him being
afraid at the doorsteps of strangers, day after day.... The thought of losing
him to someone like that, who would never appreciate what he had.... It made
Harry not want to let go. But Eggsy was shifting and looking down at him now,
and he had to or he was going to ruin Eggsy's mood. "I'm glad you could take
care of yourself," Harry said quietly.
"'Course I could." Eggsy hadn't been certain he was going to make it at the
time, but the experience had given him more confidence. Whatever happened,
Eggsy felt like he could figure out how to make it in the end. One way or
another. "I even ended up takin' care of you, didn't I? Liftin' the keys and
helpin' you escape."
"That you did." Harry smiled. "I suppose I ought to thank you." He flashed his
eyes up at Eggsy before he went back to kissing in earnest, this time down the
boy's hip and following that little dip of skin that led downward, straight to
his little cock.
Harry mouthed there for a second or two, getting Eggsy worked up before he
dipped his chin and ran the tip of his tongue along around the small base.
Quickly, it was hardening back to where it had been when Harry had woken Eggsy
that morning, and Harry swiped his tongue over the tip in reward. He kept his
attentions as simple as that for a while, teasing Eggsy along, making sure he
would get the most out of it.
Eggsy was no longer shy about letting Harry know what he liked. The boy's hips
tilted up against Harry's hands, begging for more attention, and after a moment
Harry felt small fingers burying themselves in his hair. Not only that, but
drawing him down closer. "God. C'mon, Harry. Or are you waiting for me to ask
again? Didn't you say you weren't gonna deny me nothin'?"
Harry's smile widened and he let a puff of warm breath flow over Eggsy's little
erection. "You know how much I like making you wait for it." He bent his head
down again and pressed his lips to Eggsy's cock, humming quietly. "You can
savour it this way." He spoke the words right into Eggsy's flesh, making the
boy squirm underneath him. Harry missed this. Goodness how he missed this. To
show his appreciation, he opened his mouth and let his tongue lick up the
underside before finally engulfing the little cock.
Eggsy let out a quiet keen. He wasn't content to stay still this time. The boy
wanted more, and he wanted control. He fought against Harry trying to pin his
hips down, doing his best to attempt to thrust up into Harry's mouth or,
alternatively, take control of Harry's head and pull him down. "...fuck. I
forgot how good this was," Eggsy whispered.
It surprised Harry at first, but it certainly wasn't hurting him. Eggsy was
stronger now and he probably could have pulled Harry's hair badly, but his cock
still wasn't nearly big enough to make Harry choke. Harry clutched Eggsy's
thigh and hip just so the boy's writhing wouldn't knock into his chin, but he
let Eggsy move him where he wanted. It wasn't something Harry was particularly
keen on at first, with the whole way Eggsy went about it by pulling on his
head--he made a note to remind the boy of manners when they were through with
this--but he was a little curious to see what Eggsy wanted him to do.
After a few moments of awkward experimentation, Eggsy paused. "Just... there.
Stay there, like that." When Harry obeyed, Eggsy tried again for a few moments
more before giving up with a laugh and an embarrassed blush. "I... guess I
should've known better than to think videos were actually, um, good for ideas,"
he explained. "I watched one where... uh, it was like..."
Eggsy took a deep breath and started over. "I'm not big enough for some things,
but it looked like... something close, where size didn't matter as much."
Harry gave Eggsy's cock a lick before he pulled up just enough to speak. "Are
you trying to fuck my mouth, rather than the other way around?" Harry couldn't
keep the curl out of the corner of his lip, but at least Eggsy wouldn't think
Harry was offended. His boy had been watching porn, and that was new. The
regular sort, Harry was sure, and he didn't quite know how to feel about that.
Harry lowered his head, but kept watching Eggsy, choosing to ignore that little
revelation for now. "You want to be in control, don't you? More literally than
just calling the shots."
"Y-yeah, I just... you always had control when we did things. Not that I didn't
like things," Eggsy quickly added. "I guess I just... wanted to try feelin' a
bit different. Like you were... under me, or I was the one that caught you and
had you-"
Eggsy cut off sharply as he realized where his mind had wandered. The memory of
Harry restrained in the warehouse had drifted to the surface of his mind, but
altered. Instead of the heart-wrenching injuries Eggsy remembered, Harry was
hale and whole, restrained and very eager. "...uh."
Harry raised a brow. Something had caught Eggsy's attention. Something that
made the boy freeze and blush. Furiously. And look terribly frightened at the
same time. Harry recalled the games they'd once played, pirates and the like,
in which Eggsy sometimes wound up playing the rescuer or the hero, or Harry's
more suitably matched opponent who could fight back and, yes, chase him down
just like Eggsy seemed to be suggesting, but that was a long time ago. And
those games may have made Eggsy blush to admit his ideas sometimes, but not
like this.
"Something's on your mind," Harry offered, curious to pry the notion out of
Eggsy.
"It's..." Eggsy turned redder still. Harry had never mocked him in the past
when they'd been together, but his innocent explorations and ideas were a far
cry from admitting that he'd just realized he'd found something about the
memory of Harry in the warehouse room erotic. Eggsy was fairly certain he
wasn't supposed to find it thrilling to think about Harry at his mercy like
that. Or to admit about how the memories of Harry's mission footage had
coloured his occasional fantasies once he'd been certain Harry was going to
leave him alone. "It's nothin'."
Harry's brow raised higher. "You're not going to tell me?" For a moment, he
floundered. He'd had to work details of Eggsy's fantasies out of the boy
before, but then he wondered whether this had changed in the time Eggsy had
been away, whether Eggsy no longer felt confident in sharing his sexual
thoughts with Harry. Even though they had come to the recent understanding that
that area was still available to them. Harry wondered if Eggsy would demand to
limit it in this way. "It has something to do with me." Harry's eyes narrowed.
He knew that much because Eggsy had been talking about him when the boy's eyes
had widened.
"Yeah, it's... you won't like it, okay? And it doesn't really matter."
Nevermind that Eggsy couldn't pry the picture of turning the tables on Harry
out of his head, now that it felt off-limits and shameful. Part of the memory
of Harry in the storeroom was so haunting because the man had seemed every bit
the invincible predator, always in control and only ever giving reprieve when
he felt generous. It was the same fascination that accompanied watching one of
the giant cats trained and domesticated by a mere human. A bit of that sense
was still present; Harry was still covered with the evidence of his captivity
and abuse.
"Ok...." Harry stroked Eggsy's side and wondered what the boy could possibly
have on his mind. Harry ran through a list of everything he could think of that
he might not like, but he couldn't imagine what Eggsy might be thinking. Was
the boy imagining himself older? That lingered on Harry's mind the longest. It
was the only thing that seemed like a possibility. But he kept his face open
and hoped he would be able to respond to Eggsy's answer articulately enough, no
matter what it was.
Harry was waiting for a response. Eggsy felt his skin prickle in the way it
always did when he felt exposed. He knew Harry was dangerous, had even watched
him kill while terribly wounded during their escape. Eggsy wouldn't be able to
defend against him if such a need ever came to pass, and yet Harry was behaving
like the old version of himself Eggsy had known - patient, warm, open, waiting
for Eggsy to trust him. "...just thinkin' of the warehouse," Eggsy finally
mumbled. "Findin' you, I could've done anything. Instead've you doin' anything
you wanted to me."
Harry's face didn't change, but he blinked. It took him a second to parse what
Eggsy meant, exactly, because they'd both gone through hell back at that
warehouse and Harry didn't remember anything of note in regards to the current
conversation. But then he scrutinised Eggsy's shamefaced posture and the way he
wouldn't meet Harry's eyes, and something clicked.
"The fact that I was at your mercy, you mean? That I was physically bound and
incapable of taking control away from you?" Harry was careful to keep his tone
free of judgement when he asked, but he watched Eggsy closely, wanting to be
sure he understood.
Eggsy's small flinch confirmed the guess. All in all, Eggsy's toying with the
idea wasn't surprising. So much of his life had consisted of being in
situations he couldn't really control. "It was different. From everything else.
I only got away before 'cause you let me go, and it was like... you couldn't be
beaten. I couldn't ever win. I wasn't safe if you ever changed your mind. I
didn't think anyone could do that to you."
"Now you go and flatter me." Harry softened his eyes and let himself smile
softly. His tone was teasing. He felt a deep well of affection for the boy and
reached up to stroke Eggsy's hair. "I'm not offended, Eggsy. I understand why
you'd be wary to share this...shall we say recent discovery with me, but
believe me when I say that I've been through enough to see the nuances of your
fantasy here versus the reality of what I went through. It isn't difficult to
separate the two." Harry smiled and searched for Eggsy's eyes, finding that he
could in fact soothe the boy's fears. "You needn't be ashamed."
"I didn't actually want you hurt like that, y'know." Eggsy couldn't quite shake
his sense of shame, even after he met Harry's gaze. "I was really mad, and
afraid of you. I'm still both, kinda. But I didn't want that to happen to you,
and I couldn't let that happen to you neither. Like... okay, sometimes I wanna
rough you up a bit for everything you've done, but not like this." Eggsy
touched fingertips to a patch of gauze and a few bruises, but his eyes took in
all of Harry.
"I know that you're... someone else, but I can't not think of you that way too.
Who you were pretendin' to be."
Harry held still for Eggsy, letting the boy look at him. "There's that nuance I
mentioned. I believe you." Harry looked over the expanse of Eggsy's skin and
slid his hands down the boy's body, reminding Eggsy that he was grounded here.
That they were not back in that warehouse, and they were not in the same place
they'd been after Eggsy had run away either. They were somewhere else now, a
very uncertain place perhaps, but at least some of Eggsy's greater fears had
been laid to rest. And Harry was not about to mistake Eggsy's desire for
control as anything more sinister. Certainly not when compared to the company
he normally kept.
Harry thought for a moment before he had an idea. "Would you like to be in
control of this?" He lifted himself up and laid down on his back next to Eggsy,
then encouraged the boy to rise up.
Eggsy shot Harry a confused look for a second. "Yeah, but..." Eggsy rose up
until he settled on his knees, watching Harry and trying to puzzle out what he
meant. "How? Bein' on top? Isn't that the same as pullin' you down? I mean,
it's all whether it's me doin' stuff to you, or you doin' stuff to me."
"You can move with more leverage this way. It makes quite a difference." Harry
didn't try to hide the way his soft smile turned into a smirk as he encouraged
Eggsy to lift one leg over his chest. "I know you still care for me; you don't
have to worry I think you really want to hurt me, irreversibly."
A day ago, Harry wouldn't have said that. Not to Eggsy, anyhow. He might have
strongly suspected it in his own mind, but he would have been sure his
presumption would have only set the boy off in a state of anger. Within this
room, however, and these hours they'd shared together since the night prior,
Harry was confident that it was true.
Eggsy moved carefully. Settling his weight onto the wrong place meant pulling
on or aggravating some of Harry's injuries. Eventually he managed, scooting up
closer when prompted. "This feels silly," he complained. "Not that the rest
isn't, but. I guess I feel really short this way."
"Really?" Harry asked, teeth showing that time. To Eggsy's credit, he caused
Harry no further injury for the comment. "Lift up," Harry went on, trailing his
hands down to Eggsy's arse and pulling him up again while Harry scooted down a
little. He saw the moment Eggsy got it, when Harry encouraged him up enough
that his hips were hovering over Harry's head. "I think you'll enjoy this, on
the contrary," Harry dropped his voice before he encouraged Eggsy's hips lower
and lifted himself up to take the boy's cock into his mouth again.
Harry couldn't see the boy's face from that vantage point, but he certainly
heard Eggsy gasp. Harry barely had to touch the boy to prompt him before Eggsy
caught on. Eggsy gripped the backboard for support and thrust his hips
downwards, and each time he found Harry ready and waiting.
This had been what he'd been trying to achieve rather ineptly: the sense of
taking Harry and having control, rather than being taken.
Eggsy could use his weight now, and he did. Fortunately Harry was strong enough
that, should he need to force Eggsy back if he got too enthusiastic, he could,
but he found at the boy's first experimental thrusts that it wasn't difficult
to take him like this. Harry could breathe even with his nose pressed into
Eggsy's lower belly, and though his movements forced Harry down against the
mattress, it still wasn't rough enough to hurt.
Harry swirled his tongue to tease Eggsy's interest and let him know that he was
welcome to move how he liked before Harry began to suck in earnest.
Eggsy shut his eyes and cried out softly. He hadn't thought the small changes
would make such a difference, but they did. Harry wasn't holding onto him or
pinning him down. The size difference between them wasn't a limitation for
Eggsy for this, and Eggsy felt... better. Not exactly powerful, but more so
when he'd been underneath Harry. He could set the pace and tone, and Harry
accepted and enjoyed it even though he wasn't controlling things.
Eggsy could imagine that they were doing something more, that he was doing more
to his Harry, and remember the looks of pleasure Harry had worn. He could
imagine coaxing those expressions out of him in a different way.
Harry raised his hands to Eggsy's arse and kneaded the flesh there, encouraging
the boy rather than holding him off. He groaned into the soft skin, feeling
Eggsy strain against him. Harry couldn't help but pull him into it just a
little more, but he was careful to restrain himself and let Eggsy make his own
pace. He could feel the way the bed dipped above him when Eggsy lost his grip
on the headboard for a moment and placed his hand against the mattress instead.
It felt like, for the first time, he was wrapped up in Eggsy. Eggsy with his
body still so small, and yet he was curled all around Harry. Harry closed his
eyes and let himself feel it.
Eventually, one of Eggsy's hands drifted to Harry's head - gentler this time,
holding instead of demandingly pulling. "Harry, I..." Eggsy was all low, soft
sounds, gasps and mumbled whispers that Harry only half-caught, but that warmed
his heart with what little he did. Eggsy's pace sped up as the seconds passed.
"Harry, Harry, I- ...please, just..."
At that, Harry did pull Eggsy down. He couldn't help it. Hearing Eggsy's voice
like that, aloud and so like his memory, like his dreams of the boy ever since
he'd lost him. The feel of small hands in his hair, the softness and light tang
of sweat and that so familiar smell of Eggsy.... Harry couldn't resist not
holding on. He drew the boy into him, letting him keep thrusting even as those
thrusts turned quick and jerky, but not letting him pull away.
Eggsy shuddered and climaxed, and it was difficult to say if he was the one
curled around Harry, or Harry around him. For a few seconds, Eggsy lost track
of where they were or how much time had passed. The hands holding him close
were familiar, as was the hair between his fingers and the groans that reached
his ears. Eggsy was back home, in Harry's bed, before anything had gone wrong
between them.
Those hands lifted him up and pulled him down into waiting arms. Harry nuzzled
against his cheek and swept his fingers through Eggsy's hair in return. Gentle,
stroking motions that did little to draw the boy out of his daze. Harry's arms
were familiar and so were the kisses he placed over Eggsy's cheek, happy to
have him there for Harry to hold.
Harry was still hard and he didn't care. He had Eggsy in his arms, blissed out
and content, really content for once.
Eggsy didn't want to let go and wake up. He knew he had to, but he preferred
the dream to reality. Harry in his dreams was infinitely less complicated.
Reality was messy and full of the pain of memories of what had transpired, and
the rifts that defied healing. "Harry? D'you really... y'know, love me?"
"I do," Harry whispered. "Really."
The conflict of hope and doubt reached Harry's ears, the conflict that weighed
on Eggsy for so long now. It was so easy for Harry to respond readily with his
truth for he knew he loved Eggsy, but harder for Eggsy to hear it. That
remained to be seen now, Harry realised. Could Eggsy ever believe him? And more
than that, could Eggsy ever know him and love him still?
Harry wrapped his arms tighter around the boy. "No matter what happens, I'll
love you."
Eggsy accepted Harry's words with the quiet disbelief of the neglected child.
He'd already seen the failure of supposedly-unconditional love before. He
wanted it to be true, but couldn't bring himself to hold that hope as truth. "I
wanna know you. Who you really are. An' I don't know how to do that. It's
like... startin' over, almost."
"I suppose it will be," Harry admitted. "You know me so well in all the ways
you're not counting. Think about those to start with--the way you anticipate my
mannerisms, the way you have a list in your mind of what I'll say in
conversation before I say anything, the way I take my tea, the films I like
best on telly...the cadence to our talks when we talk about nothing that
matters. It's a strange place to start, knowing those things and feeling like
you don't know me...," Harry had to pause, let himself breathe before wavering
emotion coloured his speech, "but a part of you does."
A hush fell between them as Eggsy thought. He remembered very well all the
things Harry was referencing and more - how he moved when cooking in the
kitchen, the way he assembled himself in front of the mirror every morning, the
temperature he preferred for the shower. Eggsy turned his head until his ear
was flush against Harry's chest and the sound of his heartbeat filled it. "Are
you really sorry for what you did? Would you've done something else if you
could go back?"
Harry ran his fingers through Eggsy's hair, a comfort more for himself than for
the boy. How that question pierced him. He had no easy answer. "If I had
another way to know you...to be with you...another opportunity to have gotten
you to love me, I would have taken it." Harry's fingers curled into soft hair
and held fast. "We have these choices in life, every day. I have grown used to
making the hard ones because the alternative is...barely a life worth living. I
regret what I've done to you, but that regret doesn't change who I am."
"But you did. You didn't have to do nothin' to my mum. If you were the same
person, I would've loved you anyways," Eggsy protested softly. Dampness rimmed
his eyes again, and a tear escaped and crept down the boy's cheek onto Harry's
chest. "You didn't have to trick me into likin' you, or wantin' to be with you,
if you're tellin' the truth that it was mostly you and not a bunch of lies."
"That's a very optimistic view of things," Harry said softly, but he didn't
want to deny Eggsy that optimism. He wished he could have shared it. He wished
there could have been some other way to have drawn Eggsy to him without such a
fallout. There might have been, had he been willing to leave room for Michelle
in Eggsy's life, but Harry knew that path would have been fraught with
suspicion and tension and probably a great deal of jealousy on her end when
Harry could provide for her son and lavish him with gifts and attention far
better than she could with limited means. Eggsy believed he had easier options
in this world, and strangely that was one of the reasons he loved Eggsy so
much.
"It's true, though. If you really were yourself, I would've. I..." Eggsy
sniffled. His body was still warm and relaxed in the afterglow, but Eggsy's
emotions were another matter. "I know now that you were showin' me things to
give me ideas. Or at least I think so. But I had a crush on you even before
then. I remember thinkin' I was gonna get in trouble for it, double, 'cause
that's what always happens when you get a crush on someone older and 'specially
if they're another bloke."
Harry looked into Eggsy's eyes and smiled. "You don't know what that means to
me, that you could have loved me without provocation." He stroked baby soft
strands of hair behind the boy's ear. "But what would we have done then? Your
mother would never have allowed me to see you if she suspected, and there is no
doubt she would have. She was already beginning to. We could have lived that
way, with you visiting me in secret or disregarding your mother's fears, coming
to my house whenever Dean got angry or you had some other trouble.... But there
is just as much likelihood that that scenario would have ended in disaster as
well." Harry took a quiet breath before he spoke again. "And I...I wanted you
so much. I wanted us to be free of everything. I took you, selfishly, so that
you could be free of other pressures. But I knew it was selfish, and I knew it
would be devastating if you ever found out."
"You could've just asked," Eggsy insisted, looking back at Harry with sorrowful
eyes and a fond smile that were completely at odds with one another. "I dunno,
we could've figured something out. Maybe Dean would have gotten bad enough it
would've happened anyways. Or I could've done that thing, where you ask to be
independent early or somethin'. I just... what was I supposed to do when you
kept lyin' to me all the time, and then I found out I had no privacy and never
had? An' that you killed people? I still don't know what to do with that last
bit."
Harry's mouth thinned as he felt Eggsy's dismay. "It isn't in my nature to be
cruel, but I have gotten used to being a certain sort of person if I ever want
to have anything I desire." He searched the boy's face. "I don't know whether
I'll be a good enough man for you to accept. I have a little bit of hope
sometimes, and at other times I am quite sure I fall dreadfully short of the
standard." Harry's mind raced over the years ahead of them even as he tried to
stop it's conjecturing, but there was no telling what they might find there.
"Desire like what? What sort of person?" Eggsy's brow furrowed. He knew a bit
of what Harry was telling him, and at the same time he didn't. "You only kill
bad guys... right? Like, people spyin' on the UK. Or tryin' to kill you, like
in the warehouse." The thought made him pause and look down. Technically, Eggsy
himself could have been counted among those people. He hadn't originally known
Harry was there or what people were doing to him, but he had been a part of
things.
Harry sighed. "The vast majority of the time, yes. 'Bad' is a very relative
term, but I don't intentionally kill innocent people, and I very, very rarely
kill by accident. I don't kill because I desire to. I'm just good at it." There
really was no good way of explaining Merlin's projects to Eggsy, but that was
the best Harry could do. They weren't for Harry, but Harry was more than
involved in them all the same. Harry didn't want to see Eggsy turning away from
him with such doubt. He drew his fingertips up the boy's back, trying to keep
him there in the present. Eggsy had asked more than that, but Harry wasn't sure
how to answer.
"Do you think you're a good person?" Eggsy was in turmoil. Harry had just given
him conflicting answers, asserting that he didn't intend to hurt good people,
but that good and bad were subjective to him. Eggsy could vaguely understand
how that might be true, but everything was much more split in his eyes, even
after his time spent among criminals and people surviving on the fringes of
society. "Or... do you think you're a bad person, because being bad is the only
way to get what you want?"
"Honestly, Eggsy, I don't even know what that means, to be a good person or a
bad person. I am just a person. I can strive to be greater than my former self,
but I am still very human. You're thinking of this in very straightforward
terms. I do good things, or I do bad things. Have I done more bad than good? I
cannot say because I do not know. You'll get very different answers out of
anyone you ask depending on their relationship to me, or their own
circumstances." Harry watched Eggsy's eyes as he took it all in. The boy
absorbed his words like a sponge even though Harry could not predict how he
would react with such a tenuous balance at stake relative to Harry's actions in
Eggsy's life.
Harry's words didn't settle Eggsy's stomach. If anything, they made the
fluttering inside him and sense of vertigo even worse. Eggsy tried to lick his
lips, but his mouth was dry. "What about me? You said you kinda... did whatever
you thought you had to, in order to get me. Is that still true? You'd do
anything you had to, even hurt me some more, if you thought you'd get me
again?"
Slowly, Harry shook his head. "How can I hope to 'get' you when most of you
still loathes the very idea of me? When I found you at the flats after you'd
run away, when I realised how deathly afraid and angry with me you were, and
that I had no chance of explaining away what I'd done, I meant it when I said
that ploy was over." Harry splayed his hands over Eggsy's back just to feel
that he was there. "You're here now because you want to reconcile the old
Harry. And because you miss him, and the things we did. You're not here because
I have any hope of you changing your mind."
Eggsy went quiet and still, scanning Harry's face. That Harry might be lying
was always a possibility, but Eggsy remembered one thing very clearly: Harry
didn't lie very well when he was truly afraid. There were hints of that now in
the older man's face, along with sadness. Harry was resigned to the fact that
Eggsy was lost.
"I do miss him," Eggsy concurred. The words felt heavy as they fell from his
tongue, dropping with an echoing finality in the small room. "I want to see if
you were lying. If he wasn't real, or if he really was you. Or at least part of
you. I can't say if you're gonna change my mind about things, but one thing's
for sure: you've got a damn better chance of it 'cause you think you've got no
chance. The minute I feel like you'll playin' mind games on me, I'm out. Until
then, I wanna see what you've got. All of it. 'Specially the bits you didn't
want to show me the first time 'round. I get to see you, and then we'll see."
Harry snorted softly. He shouldn't have found anything about that funny. Eggsy
had more emotional maturity in this matter than Harry had ever expected. It was
just.... "What tenuous optimism you have. Why have any at all?" Harry knew the
answer, but he couldn't shake the certainty that he was only going to
disappoint Eggsy in the end. Again. He may have been on a pedestal before, but
now he was lower than he could ever hope to climb. But Eggsy had an opportunity
here, Harry supposed, and he could see why the boy wouldn't pass it up.
Eggsy squared up, and his mouth set into a stubborn line. "Maybe I'm curious.
Maybe I wanna know who I slept with and spent so much time with. Maybe it ain't
none of your business what I'm thinkin' or why I'm doin' it, given you didn't
tell me nothin' the first time around," he shot back. "You don't got nothin' to
lose anyways. An' I don't think you're gonna turn me down. Least of all 'cause
you're still down to fuck, right, an' I don't wa-... I'm not gonna get any
somewhere else."
Harry felt the humour go out of his face as surely as Eggsy saw it. "Alright. I
won't inquire any further," he said quietly, calmly. He could hear the waver in
Eggsy's determination, not knowing how to put these things into words, not even
knowing what he wanted or needed yet, and of course the desire to lash out
whenever Harry touched something too sensitive...but that had stung. It stung
because here Harry was, with Eggsy in his arms just like the boy had said.
Harry missed him for more than a fuck and Eggsy knew that, or a part of him
did, and yet it was so easy to throw at Harry.
Hurting the older man was a double-sided blade. Part of Eggsy felt satisfaction
that Harry was feeling just a little bit of the pain he'd visited on Eggsy's
life. Another part saw his old lover hurting and immediately wanted to crumble
and apologize. "Right. So... guess we should clean up and get breakfast, huh?
Since I gotta meet these foster parents today. Or was there somethin' you
wanted to say?"
"No, I think that would be best," Harry admitted. The mood had faded, and he
hadn't wanted to break the moment and run before Eggsy was ready that time, but
it was clear that their time of bliss were over.
Harry sighed and carefully pulled himself up to sit. He was a little less sore
than the day prior, but he also knew that was because he'd had a full night's
rest. He also needed a shower, and it was time to change the bandages anyway.
Without looking back at Eggsy, he reached for the bedpost and used it to lever
himself to his feet. He was going to need some more painkillers soon though, he
realised after the first step towards the toilet. "I have an extra toothbrush,"
he offered over his shoulder.
Eggsy watched Harry with more than a touch of curiosity. There hadn't been time
to pause when they'd been escaping, and Harry had put on a good show afterwards
of trying to maintain his usual grace. Not so now - he'd had to lean against
the bedframe to help himself up, and walking looked to be a painful and stilted
affair. Eggsy bit his lip to try to hide his amusement, got to his feet, and
walked around the bed until he was next to Harry. "Looks like that extra
toothbrush ain't doin' you much good at the moment. You need a hand?"
Harry blinked, but after a pause, he held out his arm for Eggsy to hold onto
and steady. "Thank you."
Harry let Eggsy lead him into the smaller space without objection or
presumption. His dignity wasn't on the line. Eggsy knew he was hurt and they'd
just spent the night together. And the morning. Harry had little left to hide.
He was, however, still a great deal taller than Eggsy, but Eggsy did well
enough to provide a steady hand for him to grip.
"D'you gotta go back to... wherever the hospital is in here, for those?" Eggsy
nodded towards the bandages scattered across Harry's skin. Some still looked
pristine, while others were faintly spotted with colour. Eggsy hadn't seen or
heard Harry in pain the previous night or that morning, but he also didn't know
how likely it might be that a wound tore back open without the man feeling it.
"Or do you gotta change 'em yourself?"
"I can change these myself. It simply takes time." Harry reached up to the
medicine cabinet with a wince and brought out a pair of scissors and the
materials he'd need to create new bandages.
One by one, Harry began clipping them off, leaning against the sink and using a
sponge to loosen both the adhesive and the places where he'd bled or the
exposed tissue under his skin had clotted against the bandage. It was slow
going. They hadn't bothered to bandage Harry's minor cuts and bruises, but
there were a handful of larger scrapes and gashes.
"Oy. Y'know, it'd go faster if you'd just tell me what to do. You're all beat
up and not doin' yourself any favors. 'Specially since I made you do stuff you
prob'ly weren't s'pposed to." Eggsy swatted at Harry's hand and took the sponge
out of his fingers. "You're havin' trouble enough just standin' up. How're you
even gonna wash off like this?"
"Maybe I'll take a bath," Harry countered, trying to preserve some dignity, but
he gave up and let Eggsy pull him down to sit on the ledge of the tub. It
wasn't exactly how he wanted the boy to remember him when they parted ways
later that day. "Are you certain you don't just want an excuse to make me
suffer a little by ripping these off one by one?" Harry asked, but moved his
arm when Eggsy needed him to.
"Maybe I do. Maybe you could use it." Eggsy pulled on the next piece of medical
tape. No matter how gentle, it still tugged at the skin and caused the nearby
wound to sting. Eggsy ran the sponge back under the sink faucet and got to work
dissolving the adhesive. "Maybe I like seein' you vulnerable for once. Reminds
me that you're a person."
"Never anything by halves, hm. If you haven't been reminded well enough at this
point, I don't think I have any hope left." Harry tilted his head back and
winced as Eggsy peeled away the next bandage bit by bit.
Blood and pus and a few sets of stitches were revealed across Harry's body as
Eggsy worked. There were several times when Harry wanted to stop the boy, tell
him that Harry could take care of it and that he should go and wait for his
turn in the bath. Harry didn't really want Eggsy to see this, even if it made
him more human, but Eggsy was intent on his job.
"Quit fussin'. You think I ain't seen things like this?" Eggsy tossed another
spent bandage into the bin and gave the sponge another rinse under the tap.
"People busted up from fights at the pub, or jumped while gettin' or runnin'
drugs. Jumped while buyin' a bird on the street. All kinds of things. Even a
couple of blokes who tried some stuff and got so wrecked they beat themselves
up while trippin' out. An' how many times have we fucked? Why're you suddenly
the one fussin' out of the two of us? I've already seen everythin'."
Harry rolled his eyes. "I don't particularly like being in this state, you
know." Eggsy knew. Harry knew he knew, but Harry had no other defence. When
Eggsy loosened the last of the bandages and tossed it into the bin, Harry was
freshly sore all over, but he forced himself to stand and turn on the water
regardless. He thought for a long moment about taking a bath instead, but he
wanted to stand even if he had to lean on the tile wall for support. There
would be more room for Eggsy that way, and Harry didn't want to make this any
more awkward than it already was.
"I think it's nice I'm not the uncomfortable one, for once." Eggsy set out a
couple of clean towels, keeping an eye on Harry all the while. Harry seemed to
be keeping his balance, but one never knew. "I would've thought you'd have
liked me takin' care of you. Or do you not like feelin' like you're not the one
in charge?"
"There's a vast difference between wanting to be in charge and not wanting to
be pitied. Even to improve someone's opinion of me." Harry's mouth thinned as
he tested the water, not too hot, not too cool, and stepped inside. He left the
glass door open for Eggsy and reached up with another wince to widen the spray
for the both of them. He knew Eggsy was probably right. If things were better
between them, Harry would have enjoyed the boy trying to take care of him even
if his self-consciousness over the whole ordeal didn't diminish completely.
"That's what you think? That I'm pityin' you?" Something in the boy's tone made
Harry glance back. Eggsy's face was shadowed with anger again. The boy slipped
into the stall and closed the glass door behind him. Eggsy was too short and
youthful of face to be described as predatory, but he was trying his best at
that moment, attempting to back Harry up against the wet tiled wall. "First you
go on about you bein' too old, and now you think bein' beat up is makin' me
look down on you?"
The space was too narrow. Harry had to brace one foot against the side of the
tub and one hand on the ledge, and he didn't like the way Eggsy was acting. He
didn't know where the boy was going with this. "You want me to seem human when
I didn't before?" It was the only thing Harry could pluck from Eggsy's words
that fit. "But the only thing that works is seeing me laid low. Of course I
don't like that." He stopped when he could go no farther, forcing Eggsy to
either stop as well or press up against him.
Eggsy stopped, but only for a moment. His eyes swept up and down, taking all of
Harry in - wet, naked, marked with new injuries and old scars alike. Another
step and the distance was closed, forcing Eggsy to look up in order to meet
Harry's gaze while his hands rested against the older man's sides. "D'you
really think you're laid low when you're like this? Are you really that
uncomfortable with not bein' all buttoned up and tailored and hidin' behind
things? I'm just lookin' at you."
Harry took a breath and sighed. The edge went out of his tone. He was tired and
he felt it. Eggsy was angry with him, but the boy was on the verge of
something, and Harry didn't feel much prepared for it. He kept his hold on the
wall and on the ledge and felt the patter of hot water against the back of his
head, falling easily over his shoulder and raining down on the boy below.
"You're looking at a me who can barely stand up straight."
"I said I wanted to get to know who you really were. That means everythin',
y'know. Includin' and especially when you can barely stand up, or your hair's
all mussed, or you're wasted out of your mind. Whatever." Eggsy's fingers slid
over Harry's ribs, but carefully. He knew that some were injured and tender.
Even so, Harry inhaled sharply when he touched one particularly bruised spot.
"How come you don't want me to see you right now?"
"Instinct, I suppose," Harry admitted. "I have no idea how forgiving you'll be
of my...flaws. My weaknesses. Even when they are temporary. Even you don't know
how forgiving you'll be." Harry lifted his hand and stroked the back of Eggsy's
neck. Harry's strengths had only served to frighten Eggsy after he found out
about everything. His weaknesses seemed to make the boy feel safer, but being
vulnerable was still being vulnerable and Harry knew that that little bit of
safety would only count for so much in the long run.
"Only when you hurt me." Water dripped onto Eggsy's face and weighted down his
hair. A slight smile played upon the boy's lips, giving him an impish look.
"Y'know, when we were first tryin' stuff, I was all nervous and scared, not
really knowin' what was goin' to happen or what you'd think of me. How stuff'd
turn out. I did it anyways, 'cause I wanted you."
Eggsy caught Harry's gaze. Harry might have felt pinned even if he wasn't
pressed against the shower wall. "You ain't got a chance of gettin' me back if
you ain't gonna take a chance, you know. I can't know you unless y'talk to me
and let me in. Maybe I won't like it, an' maybe I won't forgive you, but if you
don't play at all, you've decided to lose."
Harry gripped the ledge again, hard. "That's all very kind of you," he said
quietly, "but you've been back for one day." He tried to smile. He wanted to do
everything he could for Eggsy, but he didn't know if he could take having hope
and losing the boy again. Eggsy would be devastated if that happened. Even
worse that Harry, probably, and his insides twisted at the thought. "You are
putting a lot on the line allowing yourself even that much hope," he warned the
boy. By now he was sure that Eggsy would deny it, would say that he could drop
the opportunity if he felt the slightest doubt in Harry's honesty, but Harry
could still see that little bit of hope in him showing through.
"Now you're worried about hurtin' me." Eggsy rolled his eyes and huffed out a
quiet laugh. "I guess that's a good sign. That's my decision, though. You made
a lot of decisions for me, and I'm makin' this one for m'self. I want answers,
or I'm never gonna stop wonderin' about things. An' if it ends up that you're
full of shit and were lyin' again, that nothin' about the you I used to know
was real? Well, that's how it goes. Never thought you'd be the chicken out of
the two o'us."
Harry closed his eyes. He did his best not to express his exasperation, but he
didn't think he managed. "Right. For now at least, wash your hair. And let me
get cleaned up." Harry handed Eggsy the shampoo, and with a bit of shuffling,
moved around him to the other side of the water. They used to have a routine
like that. Where Eggsy would stand in front because he was shorter and he could
catch the spray without blocking it from Harry. It was easy to fall back into
the familiar stance, even if Harry had to be careful while he ran the soap over
his body, avoiding the wounds as much as possible.
Eggsy watched as much as he could, doing his best to keep the soap out of his
eyes. Watching Harry was both a reward and a torment; he got to see someone
he'd missed for so long just a little bit longer, and simultaneously to punish
the man by displaying himself nude in front of him. Harry hadn't gotten relief
that morning, and Eggsy milked the opportunity as much as he could, stretching
his frame while he washed his hair and letting the showerhead wash traces of
soap down the outline of his body.
Pointedly, Harry didn’t comment on it. He kept his eyes trained away from Eggsy
whenever they strayed his way, and they did more than once, but when the suds
were rinsed away, Harry put his hand to Eggsy's shoulder and smiled calmly
before he pushed open the door and reached for the towels. He handed one to
Eggsy and nodded for him to go first, making it clear Harry didn't expect
reciprocation. He wrapped the towel around himself gingerly and followed Eggsy
out to dry off with a careful step over the ledge.
Harry could have asked how Eggsy was looking forward to meeting the Wilsons, to
having a real flat to stay in, a room of his own, and no responsibilities like
he had before, but Eggsy had already made all that very clear and there was no
point in talking just to fill the silence. That kind of silence only happened
before in their shared mornings when they were both equally still half asleep.
Harry found the juxtaposition...not reassuring, but not unsettling either.
Eggsy dried wordlessly and wrapped the towel around himself before wandering
back into the bedroom to redress in his old clothes. He didn't have anything
else to dress in at the moment - his old clothing was left behind and possibly
destroyed at the warehouse or Viv's flat, and anything Harry might still have
would be too small. Eggsy had the clothes he came in, and anything more would
have to be bought.
Harry took a while longer redoing his bandages, but the process of putting them
on was much easier than the process of taking them off and it wasn't long
before he reappeared and went to his closet. He put himself together slowly,
laying his suit on the bed, sitting down at the edge of the mattress, and,
piece by piece, began to look like the Harry Eggsy remembered. Pressed lines
and starched fabric replaced mottled, purple skin. Even the curve of his back
straightened a little with the addition of layers. Harry calmed as he dressed.
The clothing was him as much as the bare skin underneath.
When he finished tying his laces, doing his hair, and adding cuff links and
tie, he turned back to Eggsy with a trace more of the energy necessary to face
the day ahead of them. "Are you ready?" Harry asked in his comfortably smooth
tone.
"Yeah, I guess so." Harry was beautiful like that, but also intimidating. That
was the point, but he felt otherworldly and unassailable to Eggsy, as most
aristos were. Aristos who were special agents were doubly so. Eggsy kept an eye
on Harry and had to silently repeat to himself just how vulnerable he knew
Harry to be - how human, how flawed, how injured. Harry was smoothed over and
back in control, and Eggsy had to swallow his feelings regarding that.
"Cafeteria, then?"
True to form, Harry nodded once, back straight even though he was relaxed.
"Breakfast and then we'll collect the necessary documents from Merlin before we
leave. Luckily we didn't sleep the whole day away. We still have a while yet."
Eggsy saw one last crack in Harry's armour when he thumbed a small bottle of
pills open and took one before stowing the bottle away again. He collected his
cane and held an arm out for Eggsy, encouraging him to draw nearer as though
Harry meant to tell him not to be daunted. The corners of his mouth were drawn
up in Harry's ever present, collected half smile.
Eggsy took Harry's arm despite how put off he was by the confidence. He let
Harry have the gallantry of the moment; he remembered earlier, helping him in
the bathroom and pinning him against the wall while his injuries held sway.
They passed various strangers, but no one Eggsy recognized. Not until they got
to the cafeteria with the usual staff. It was getting late enough that
breakfast was on the verge of turning into lunch. Eggsy compromised by getting
a fried egg sandwich with a side of chips and fruit, and a soda to wake him up.
Harry ordered an omelette with sausage and cheese and pretty much everything,
and a tall black coffee. Together they found a table out of the way, and Harry
did an admirable job of pretending he wasn't in pain at all. The people who
worked there were used to seeing injuries, but they also covered it up well.
Their breakfast arrived quickly and Harry thanked the waiter before they were
left alone again. He took up his fork and knife right away, but paused to send
a small smile Eggsy's way before he tucked in.
Eating with Harry still wasn't normal. Not anymore, at least. Eggsy tried not
to inhale his food, but his time with people in the drug trade hadn't decreased
his sense of food insecurity.
His sandwich disappeared quickly, leaving him dunking chips in ketchup and
slowly draining his soda glass while he watched Harry eat. A glance around the
room told him that most of the staff had finished their meals and moved on some
time ago, as the place was nearly empty. "...how'd you find these people,
anyways?"
Harry glanced up with a curious quirk of his brow. "You mean originally? How I
got the job?" He gave a quick pull of his mouth that wasn't quite a smile, more
like a warning that he was about to receive Eggsy's judgement. "Family ties,
I'm afraid. I learned of their existence just after college, decided I want to
take a go at it. A life of danger and opportunity. I turned out to be rather
good at it." Harry paused to read Eggsy. "Why, how did you imagine I'd been
introduced to the world of high profile espionage?"
"I thought... y'know, maybe at your school. When you were... experimentin' and
introduced to things." Eggsy dunked another chip into ketchup and swirled it in
the cup. "At school, when you were talkin' with the professors."
A thought occurred to Eggsy, and his gaze shot up to Harry in alarm. "You
didn't-... um, with my dad, ever? Did you? That's not a thing you do with
recruits?"
Harry blinked and straightened involuntarily. There were few times he'd looked
that taken aback. "Absolutely not." Harry shook himself. "No, your father was
attractive young man, and no doubt it's never been unheard of for a mentor and
his recruit to engage in more than a strictly platonic relationship, but...no."
Harry's face went through several expressions rapidly, as though he were really
looking back on the situation. "He was charming. I'll admit I was taken with
him in that way, in his brightness and his exuberance, but not quite
like...with you. I sought him out at first simply because I was fed up with
Arthur's posturing about the kind of men who were supposed to make up our
ranks, but I did come to like him very easily. And that's not to say I didn't
have my share of experiences while I was at school, just that it's not how I
discovered Kingsman."
Eggsy ducked his head and pressed his palm against his mouth. There wasn't any
pretence at hiding his emotions regarding this reassurance. Doubt had loomed
for a few moments - that Harry had other reasons for liking him, or that the
taboos they were indulging in were deeper than Eggsy realised. For a few
seconds, the boy had been defensively angry and jealous at his long-gone
father, and now guilt weighed on him for ever suspecting. "I... ok, good. Just,
with what you said about things in school, and how you all knew each other, and
recruitin' down family lines, I didn't know. I didn't know if you were all
involved with each other."
Harry raised a brow at that. "'Involved with each other'? I have never been in
a relationship with another Kingsman agent, if you were wondering. Most people
here couldn't tell you if I've ever been in a relationship with anyone, to be
honest. But I won't pretend by any measure that family ties didn't have
everything to do with my discovery of the organization. It just wasn't flaunted
in my family." Harry took a sip of his coffee and let Eggsy recover. Contrasted
by the boy's hunched shoulders and panicked expression, Harry was the picture
of calm.
"It just seemed... like it'd happen, y'know? If all the things between teachers
and students were regular. Or older student and younger students." Eggsy kept
his eyes on his plate. He didn't know what to make of the fact that he'd gotten
so angry thinking about Harry with anyone else - or where his mind jumped to
from there, suspecting people he knew or faceless boys in other countries.
Eggsy's stomach turned. "You haven't... with anyone? Since things got bad. With
us, I mean."
Harry looked down at his plate and sighed. "No, I haven't. I tried, after a
long while, but, as the expression goes, my heart just wasn't in it." Harry
hadn't given up masturbation, or his own fantasies, but as far as finding
another boy went, even without strings attached, he hadn't tried again. He knew
Merlin still wondered how long it would take him, and Harry wondered the same,
but at least after the experience in Belize, he'd left Harry alone about it.
Harry wondered for a moment whether Eggsy would be angry with Merlin if he knew
what had almost happened between them. Even though it was different than the
context of Harry searching out another boy like Eggsy.
Eggsy nodded. He tried to school his features, but a spark of satisfaction was
evident. He didn't have competition to worry about. He hadn't been replaced in
his absence, and Harry didn't seem interested in replacing him. "Right. Good."
Eggsy cleared his throat and tried not to think about how angry he'd almost
been simply thinking of Harry with someone else - even long before they'd known
one another. It was silly to feel jealous of people Harry had known back when
he was a youth in school, given that Eggsy hadn't even been born yet, but he
was.
Harry’s gaze lingered on Eggsy before he went back to his breakfast. They ate
in silence until their plates were clean and Harry had finished his coffee. The
diners around them didn't remain long and the ones who did had the larger
tables farther away, enjoying their idle hours in groups before they had to get
back to work.
"One more visit to Merlin," Harry prompted when they'd stalled a little too
long without an excuse. He forced himself up to his feet and held the cane with
both hands before him. He wanted to offer his hand to Eggsy, but instead he
reached out and gestured for the boy to join him. He didn't want to think about
how Merlin was going to greet them when they arrived. It was a good thing he'd
learned how to school away the blood from his face and keep it away decades
ago. There was no way Merlin hadn't been watching them last night.
Eggsy didn't try to take Harry's hand or arm on the way there. He stayed more
distant than he had on the way to the cafeteria, perhaps in part because of his
discomfort regarding where they were heading and what was to come. Eggsy was
being pawned off onto strangers. They might be perfectly nice people, but the
situation wasn't one he was choosing for himself. It was a matter of
circumstance. Harry had worked to destroy his home life, Eggsy couldn't go back
to living with him, and his street life was no longer an option, which left him
with little choice.
The tension between them had resurfaced that morning, but as the time to leave
drew nearer, it began to grow more concrete. Eggsy hadn't been expecting to
build a bridge with Harry the night before, but something had happened between
them. For a short while, even though Harry's actions hadn't been forgotten,
they had been close again. Nearly. The outside world hadn't mattered so much
anymore.
By the time Harry rapped his knuckles twice against Merlin's door, he was glad
to have arrived.
Merlin cracked the door open, glanced at the two of them, and stepped aside to
admit them. His office was just as they’d left it the day before, but Eggsy
still viewed the room with a bitter taste in his mouth. Landon had helped
provide cameras to Harry, both for the house and Michelle’s flat. Merlin was
Harry's friend, not Eggsy’s, and he kept that thought in the forefront of his
mind as he took a seat.
Harry gave his friend a stiff smile, choosing to stand. Merlin's gaze moved
from Eggsy to Harry and gave away nothing. "Come to pick up documents for our
meeting," Harry broke the silence. "Everything still on with the Wilsons?"
Merlin could see through him, Harry knew it, and he wasn't sure if he was being
judged or applauded behind the man's impenetrable gaze. He would find out
later, he was sure, but it didn't make standing there any less awkward.
"Everything is moving forward, yes. I decided to leave some information out of
our communication with the Wilsons, to be filled at your discretion. They don't
have much background on Eggsy. I thought it wise to leave out mention of any
criminal activities or connections in case it affected their attitudes or gave
them cold feet." Merlin picked up a folder from his desk and held it out to
Harry.
Harry nodded. "Probably for the best. Although they'll know you've had it
rough," Harry added to Eggsy, lest the boy think that he had to lie even more
to the new family, "and if you wish to tell them things you've had to do, you
may. It's up to you." Harry opened the folder and found the forms he’d need
along with identification for him to pose as Eggsy's case worker. He was no
more looking forward to this than Eggsy was, but there was really no other
option.
"An' if I don't like 'em? I don't have to stay there, right? Would I gotta come
back here until we found someone better?" Eggsy was nervous. The Wilsons were
likely to be perfectly nice people, but all he could think about was his time
with his aunt, and the houses for runaways, and the stories he'd heard from
others when he was a drug runner. Lots of kids had gone through the system and
not had a healthy experiences with it.
"You don't have to stay with them if you don't get along," Harry reassured him,
"although you should try for a while. Nothing is going to be perfect at first."
He glanced to Merlin. "If you'd rather not stay with them, while we're looking
for other options...yes, you would either stay with myself or with Sean. Or a
temporary home for children or a paid caretaker if neither of those options are
agreeable to you." Harry watched Eggsy, unreadable in his own tone and
expression, but hoping he'd see something in Eggsy's eyes and hating that he
had to lay these options out to be sorted through.
Eggsy nodded. "Alright. I mean, I'll give it a try, but I'm not promisin'
anything. If they don't work out, they don't work out. I can give 'em a while
though, just so long as they're not awful like my aunt was."
Eggsy's expression hardened for a moment and he glanced at the two men. "An'
neither of you have put little cameras and things all over the place. Right?
Promise me."
Harry sighed and nodded. "I promise, we haven't." Eggsy tried to stare him down
and Harry held his gaze. He didn't know whether Eggsy would believe him. Even
if Eggsy wanted to, there was no telling whether he'd be able to. Either way,
they had to go through with this.
Harry took out his new ID and several business cards and placed them in his
wallet. When he was satisfied everything was in order, he looked from Merlin to
Eggsy. "Shall we be on our way then?"
"I guess so." Eggsy was staring at Merlin, who looked back blankly. The man
wouldn't crack no matter what Eggsy might do. Much as he cared about Harry, his
concern didn't extend to Eggsy except where he was concerned in Harry's
wellbeing. Eggsy would get nothing out of him, and the boy must have realized
that as he looked away towards the folder tucked into Harry's arm. "Right.
Where're we meetin' them, then?"
"At their flat." Harry smiled tightly. "Best get you settled in I think." From
there Eggsy and Mr. and Mrs. Wilson could decide what to do. Eggsy needed new
clothes and things, but that wasn't the first order of business. "Come along.
And thank you, Merlin." He tipped his chin at the other man before he led Eggsy
to the door.
South Kensington, Harry thought. It was practically going home. Just a couple
streets away, and there Eggsy would be staying.
Eggsy stayed quiet all the way, looking out the window of the car at the
familiar landscape. Kensington was familiar, and that was a curse and a
blessing. Eggsy was all too aware of how close Harry was to the flat in
question. It had been one of several reasons Eggsy had chosen it.
Chapter End Notes
     Come join us again this Saturday (5/7) for the Dark_Kingsman_Block
     Party! We may be starting a Secret Santa exchange soon.
     Also, possible wait on next week's chapter.
***** Chapter 42 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Harry pulled up to the kerb in front of the building and Eggsy looked up. It
was like any other block of flats in the area, well kept and respectable. The
people living within would be well-to-do and wouldn't lack for the funds to
take care of him. Eggsy still felt butterflies in his stomach. "Guess this is
it, then."
Harry turned off the engine and glanced over. "Yes it is." He glanced up at the
building himself and then back down to Eggsy before pulling a mobile out of his
pocket and offering it to the boy. "My number is first in the contacts. If you
need me, for any reason at all, all you need do is call." This was the last
they were going to see of each other for a while, or maybe not--Harry didn't
know, but Harry was familiar territory and he needed Eggsy to feel a little
less stranded out there by himself in some new place.
Eggsy snatched the phone up and dropped it in his pocket. Perhaps he would
call, or perhaps he wouldn't - it was a safety line that was present if he
needed it. Eggsy pulled on the door release and stepped outside the car, still
looking up. The building wasn't particularly tall, as most buildings weren't in
London, but it was very different from his mother's building. Flowers and other
greenery edged the concrete walkway up to the doors. Eggsy glanced back to see
if Harry was following.
He was. Harry shut the car door behind him and straightened with his cane in
hand and the light breeze ruffling his hair. He strode towards the front door
with sure steps, even with the cane clacking softly against the walk beside
him. From then on, Harry made it look like the added feature was entirely
unnecessary as he took the steps and pressed the buzzer. He didn't try to meet
Eggsy's eyes again as they waited.
"Hello?" a woman's voice came over the speaker, sounding expectant, "Mr. Talbot
is that you and Gary?"
Harry smiled up into the small camera next to the speaker. "Indeed it is. May
we come up?" No sooner than he had asked did the door buzz them in and Harry
opened it to usher Eggsy inside a small but modern foyer.
Eggsy pulled a face at his given name. He hated being called Gary. He was left
staring sullenly at his feet while Harry pushed the lift button to take them up
to the appropriate floor. He felt like he was being pawned off again, just one
more unwanted thing in a chain of people who wanted him temporarily until
they'd had enough or he proved too bothersome.
Harry's hand fell between his shoulders. Even though Harry was staring ahead at
the mirrored doors before them, he rubbed there gently until those doors opened
to let them out again. They found themselves in a small vestibule with a door
on the other end that opened before Harry could go up to it and knock.
A smiling woman came out the other side, with dark blonde hair and probably no
older than Eggsy's mother. She had a round face, plump cheeks, and bright eyes
that lit up to see them.
"Donna, I presume?" Harry entreated her with a handshake, but she quickly
looked to Eggsy.
"Hello Gary. I've been told you like to go by Eggsy?" she asked, smoothing her
hands over her khaki trousers. Upon first impression, she presented a much more
kindly demeanour than anyone Eggsy had met in a long time.
"Yes please," Eggsy answered, suddenly shy. Donna reminded him all too much of
some of the kindly women from his mother's old workplace, who would give him
candy and things to read while waiting for his mother to get off of work. She
was soft in a way that the people he'd known recently hadn't been. Donna likely
had lived a sheltered life and had never seen hardened criminals. She possibly
hadn't even interacted with children from lower income brackets before. Eggsy
felt out of place simply looking at her.
Her smile grew at hearing him anyway, and she didn't seem in the least put off
by his quietness. "Eggsy it is, then. Come on inside," she invited them.
Harry let Eggsy go first as Donna led them through a short hall and into her
sitting room. Wooden floors met with brightly decorated white walls and
furniture in a way that brightened the room. It was comfortably sized and
looked lived in, with books and a mug on the coffee table and other little
touches of day to day life sitting around the room, but it was definitely well
kept. Donna continued to smile as she watched Eggsy taking in the space.
"There's a room at the end of the hall," she said to Eggsy, "You can go ahead
and look. It's yours."
Eggsy cast a questioning look at Harry and Donna, but when they both seemed
encouraging he slipped down the hall. He passed a bathroom that was quite
spacious and ended up in the doorway at the end.
The room was bigger than the room he'd had with his mother. It looked like
something out of a catalogue, something meant to sell a house or flat rather
than to be lived in. Donna hadn't known the tastes of whoever might be living
there, so the room was decked out in neutrals. The frames mounted on the walls
showed photographs of the city, or the wilderness, or occasional shots of
marinas on the seashore. Eggsy looked around, but it felt like a hotel room. It
was impersonal.
He could hear the murmur of Harry and Donna's voices out in the sitting room,
and when Eggsy returned he found that they had spread out the paperwork over
the dining table between the sitting room and the kitchen. Harry was just
beginning to show her through the liability forms and where she needed to sign,
but she looked up when she saw Eggsy.
"How do you like it?" she asked. "There's not much in it now, but it'll liven
up with some of your own things in there."
"It's really nice. Better'n some places I've been," Eggsy responded politely.
The flat still felt overwhelming and alien. When he'd moved in with Harry, he'd
at least known the man - or thought he did. Donna was a stranger, as was her
husband that he hadn't met. The room was a blank slate, not prepared for him by
someone who already knew him. "You're really okay with me stayin' here? Even if
we don't know each other?"
She nodded her head and shifted towards him, giving him all of her attention
while Harry waited with pen in hand. "I am," she assured him. "I know it might
take a while to get used to, but I hope you'll get to know us. You shouldn't be
uncomfortable here for long."
Behind her, Harry was doing a good job of keeping his face blank but amiable.
No one would have suspected he had any greater interest in the proceedings but
for Eggsy's professional care and wellbeing.
"Speaking of," Donna went on, "Kevin should be back any minute now. He works in
systems analysis up in Mayfair."
"Kevin?" Eggsy wandered closer and took a seat close to Harry. "It's just you
two, then? What do you do?" Eggsy knew the couple had to be well off to live
where they did, but he had no idea just how posh that might mean. Donna and
Kevin might not know what it meant to take in a kid like him, either. Or they
might have the wrong idea, with an impression that they were saving some poor
boy from the bottom of the barrel and a life on the dole.
"Photography, mainly." Donna repositioned herself at the table to talk to
Eggsy. She wasn't ignoring Harry, but she was definitely more focused on him.
Her personality wasn't like Harry's really, but for a second she looked at
Eggsy with a soft kind of smile that seemed to project hope and a quiet
excitement, and Eggsy remembered something very similar on Harry's face the
first few times he'd been in the man's house as a new resident.
She looked like she was about to go on when they heard the door unlock. Donna
perked up and, looking around the corner, they saw a man of slight build and
dark hair enter the flat. He called "Hello!" from the hall, and came to the
kitchen. "Gary, I presume?" he asked when he saw Eggsy. This man's face could
light up like Donna's did. He seemed younger than he was, perhaps. "And Harry?"
He laughed at the rhyme while Harry only nodded in confirmation.
"Actually he goes by Eggsy," Donna spoke up. "Eggsy, this is Kevin."
Both of them seemed nice. It made Eggsy nervous. Niceness always came with
strings and hidden elements attached, at least in his experience. Eggsy didn't
know them well enough yet to guess at what it might be, and the flat didn't
give him any clues. "H-hey. Um, nice to meet you, Kevin. Donna was tellin' me
she takes photos and you do... somethin' with computers?"
Eggsy glanced back and forth between the two of them. Before he was even aware
of what he was doing, he felt wool beneath his fingertips. He'd reached beside
him and touched Harry's arm as reassurance that he wasn't alone.
Kevin laughed. "'Something with computers' sounds about right."
He didn't even notice. If Donna did, she didn't question it. Harry pushed one
of the folders towards Kevin. "I'll need you to look over this and sign for
temporary guardianship." Donna looked back down at her own form and Kevin
searched for a pen, both of them speaking quietly and genially as they read
through the documents. Harry glanced to Eggsy and put his palm over the boy's
hand, squeezing gently, before he let go. Harry was there, his touch said.
Harry could speak to him in that way if not aloud.
"How come you're thinkin' of, y'know, fosterin'?" Eggsy asked. The more he
looked around, the more surreal it all seemed. Harry adopting him had been one
thing, because they'd known each other a bit and Harry had known his father.
These people were taking a stranger into their homes with, seemingly, no
questions asked. Very little pickiness, either - Eggsy would have thought they
might have taken one look at him, heard his accent, and turned him away.
"We've been thinking about it for a long time now," Donna said, once again
disregarding her form to give all her attention to Eggsy. It probably didn't
matter, seeing as how the forms weren't real. "We've always wanted kids, but
having a child of our own wasn't really as important to us." She glanced at
Kevin, but it wasn't furtive. She still seemed just as pleased. "There's a lot
of people in the world already, and a lot of children out there who're looking
for homes. I suppose you're probably nervous about all this. Harry told us
you'd been bounced around to a lot of places before, but never in a real foster
home."
"Y-yeah. I... haven't had really great experiences. Family couldn't take care
of me or didn't want me, and I got passed around to some bad places. I guess
it's just... weird to think that people might really want me. Or that I don't
gotta make a plan about runnin' away to keep myself safe. I don't really know
what it's like to not have to worry or be somewhere for a longer time. Y'know?"
Eggsy crossed his arms in self-protection. Donna and Kevin were nice. Almost
too nice. It made him nervous and acutely aware of Harry at his side.
"We'd be glad to make sure those days are over," Kevin spoke up. He wore the
same kind of earnest expression Donna had and it was hard not to feel a degree
of tension in the room for the very sake of that earnestness.
"We can all hope so," Harry added. "You can call me at any time, day or night.
My card is in your folders and I've given Eggsy my number as well. There is
nothing too big or too small that you can't contact me with." He looked to each
of the Wilsons and they nodded in turn. A few minutes later, they handed their
forms back to Harry and he stowed them away neatly in another folder.
"Let me make you both a cup of tea," Donna said and hurried off around the
counter while Kevin seemed to be getting the measure of his new ward.
"Are you nervous about living in a new place?" he asked. "I imagine I would be
if I were in your position."
Eggsy nodded. "And... new everythin', I guess. I haven't been in school for a
bit, so even if I go back to the same one, my friends ain't gonna be there.
Everythin's different." The boy fidgeted. He couldn't see anything wrong with
the Wilsons at all. They were both nice and welcoming. Eggsy couldn't see any
red flags. He'd have to put his trust in them to take care of him, though,
instead of taking care of himself. It made him uneasy.
"You can expect a call from a tutor I'll be setting up for Eggsy next week,"
Harry said, and thanked Donna as she returned with steaming cups of tea. "And
you'll need to go on a shopping trip soon. He's been able to salvage very
little of his belongings."
No doubt there were all sorts of questions running through Donna and Kevin's
minds, but they nodded in unison and didn't ask why. "Sounds like something we
can work on a little bit at a time," Donna said. "Get the basics first and
before you know it, your room will be full of your own things."
Eggsy looked down. Memories were surfacing of his old rooms - at his mother's
flat, and when he lived with Harry and wasn't able to decorate the bedroom he
really slept in. "Yeah. Prob'ly clothes first. I don't really got nothin'
anymore." The boy flushed. He didn't enjoy feeling dependent on others. It made
him feel too vulnerable. Far better to steal what he needed than to have to ask
for someone to buy him new clothing.
"Fresh start, then." Donna smiled.
For a long moment, Harry looked between Eggsy and the people who were about to
become his caretakers. He even glanced around the room, as though imagining
Eggsy in it, to stay. He took a small breath when his attention came back to
the conversation, and then made to stand. "Well then. Everything is in order,
and I won't keep you. I'll give you a call tomorrow and check in. Remember what
I said, you can call me at any time, for anything."
Donna and Kevin both stood to shake Harry's hand and thank him, assuring him
that they would call if needed and that they were very happy Eggsy was there.
And then Harry turned to Eggsy, small and familiar smile in place, but Eggsy
was sure there was a hint of sadness in it, hidden just under the surface.
"Well then. This is goodbye for now," Harry said, voice betraying little.
Eggsy nodded. He didn't trust himself to speak much. He could barely move.
Strange as it was, he'd spent so much time running away from Harry and now it
seemed unthinkable that Harry was the one walking away. Living as a drug runner
had been frightening at first, and then Eggsy had gotten used to it. Now he was
frightened all over again, left to strangers in a strange place and unable to
really talk to them about anything. "Yeah. Um. For now." Eggsy cleared his
throat. His hand went to his pocket and the weight of the phone he'd been
given. "Bye, then."
Harry nodded once, short, direct, but his eyes lingered. "Until next time."
With that he glanced back up at the Wilsons, offered them a smile, and turned
on his heel towards the door while Donna went to see him out.
Eggsy didn't really hear their voices as Harry left, just a quiet murmur and
then the door shut. He didn't even hear Harry's steps after that. He was gone,
and in his place was Donna, coming back into the kitchen while Eggsy and Kevin
waited.
"Well then," she began, "Are you hungry? Have you eaten lunch?"
Eggsy shook his head. "No, not had lunch yet. I was too nervous to eat before
comin' over. I didn't know if things were gonna go okay or not." It was
beginning to dawn on Eggsy that Harry had really left. He was alone with Donna
and Kevin, for better or worse, for at least a little while. If things got bad
he could always call Harry, but he needed to at least give the couple a try.
"It's okay if you've already eaten, though. I can wait for later."
"Nonsense. How about I make us something small? That way if you're still
nervous, you don't have to worry and there will be plenty more for dinner."
Donna went back around to the kitchen. "We'll have to figure out what you like,
I suppose. How about mac and cheese?" She had the tone of someone who could
spend all day muttering to herself, narrating her thoughts aloud and to anyone
who passed by. Michelle had done that sometimes, especially when she was
relaxed and it was just the two of them.
"Yeah, that sounds good." Eggsy felt a little awkward that Donna was already
fussing over and waiting on him, but also a bit relieved. They weren't just
people who wanted a kid like buying a pet, it seemed, and neither were they
reluctantly caring for him out of a sense of duty or virtuousness. "I'm not
really all that picky, I guess. I've not... um, places where I was before, I
had to take care of myself a lot, so it was whatever was easy for me to make or
if it was already ready to eat. Stuff from boxes."
That wasn't true, but these people didn't know about his time living with
Harry, and Harry had told them he came from a hard background. It'd be easier
to make up stories based on his life on the street, or what he saw at the
shelters.
"Ok. Then we'll just have to try new things and find out what you like." Donna
put a pot on the stove for the macaroni and began slicing up an apple to go on
the side.
While she made lunch, Kevin got up to go to the sitting room. It wasn't far and
he didn't have to strain to make conversation. He might have been giving Eggsy
some room, but it was hard to tell. "If you'd like to check out the
neighbourhood, we can go on a walk. The park isn't far, and if you've never
been to Kensington Gardens, it'll be worth it. Maybe we can do some of that
shopping while we're out?"
"Yeah. I mean, it'd be nice if we could? I... kinda don't have any other
clothes. I lost everything when I had to get out of my last place. Harry... my
social worker, he had a few things laying around that I got to try on, but none
of them fit, so I didn't get any spares from the lost and found. It'd be nice
to see where the park is. I like gettin' out and doin' stuff, although the park
probably doesn't have anywhere to skate. And I don't have a skateboard
anymore."
"Then we'll have to see if we can find a place," Kevin said with a bright note.
He didn't seem to think badly of skating as a past time, even if a lot of the
kids who associated with it were probably not good role models. Maybe he just
wasn't thinking about it like that. It was true, Kensington Gardens was not a
place for skating, and Eggsy had been there with Harry before, but Kevin
probably wasn't imagining South Bank either.
A few minutes later, Donna dished up mac and cheese with slices of apple for
herself and Eggsy, as Kevin had probably eaten already. "Not a very traditional
meal I'm sure, but I think it'll taste good." She smiled, laughing at herself.
"It's just fine," Eggsy agreed, and dug in. He was hungrier than he'd thought,
and the food was very good. His plate was clean before he knew it. "Maybe this
sounds weird, but I didn't get a lot of fresh stuff for a while, so the apple
was pretty amazing. When you've gotta survive on chips an' instant stuff and
all that, going back to fresh stuff is completely different."
Eggsy fidgeted. He wanted to make a good impression, and he also didn't know
what Donna and Kevin thought of him yet. It was likely that they were as
wealthy as Harry and didn't find it burdensome to care for him, but he was used
to being thought of as a liability. "It's really ok? Even if you have to get me
clothes and stuff? I mean, you don't really know me very well yet."
Donna took his plate away, but paused to look him in the eye. "It really is ok.
We knew it would be like this when we decided to be a foster family." She
shrugged and went to the sink. "It'll take some getting used to, for you too.
But you don't have to worry about inconveniencing us."
Kevin nodded in agreement, seeming to think Donna summed it up pretty well.
"We'll try not to overwhelm you or anything, but we're pretty excited to have
you here," he admitted.
Eggsy flushed. He wasn't used to kindness anymore. The sorts of people he'd
been dealing with had had a profound impact on his views, including how he
expected to be treated. "I just don't know what to do. I'm used to trying to
make myself small, y'know? Not a bother. Useful. You couldn't really get
anything if you weren't that. It's weird to me having you both, I guess, want
to help instead of having to be convinced to help."
Donna hummed and thought about that for a minute. "Well...why don't we have you
help with some of the things we do? You can help me with the dishes tonight.
And set the plates when it's time for dinner. Little things like that add up to
a lot. It doesn't have to be a job or anything, just, if it makes you feel more
comfortable." It didn't seem like they'd expected him to want to work for his
time there, but at least Donna understood where the feeling was coming from, in
theory.
Eggsy nodded quickly. That was more in line with what he'd understood. "Yeah, I
can do that. Not a problem. I don't want you to be bothered by my being here. I
can help out with whatever." His time would be limited if he was going to be
studying again, as Harry had said he was going to send tutors over, but Eggsy
couldn't imagine that their demands would be that bad.
"That sounds like a good plan, then. And we can always adjust as needed." Donna
seemed to be satisfied with that. Or perhaps just satisfied that Eggsy felt a
little more comfortable. "Well then, shall we be off? We'll make an afternoon
of it." She went to find her purse and Kevin picked himself up out of the
armchair to join them.
"Mr. Talbot, or Harry, let us know that you have a regular income, set up
by...I think it was your grandmother?" Kevin began, "But we'd like you to keep
that for yourself. Put it in savings for when you're older, maybe. Or if you
want to buy something really big and it's not your birthday. For all these day
to day things, you don't have to worry about paying for anything, ok?"
"What? Are you sure?" Eggsy knew Harry was giving him an allowance, but not how
much. The boy had assumed that it would be much the same as he'd always lived:
scraping by and shoplifting for anything extra. "I don't mind if it gets used
for clothes and stuff. Everywhere else made me work for things." Even Harry, in
a roundabout way. Eggsy had realized since leaving that he'd paid for
everything in another way - through company and sex. It wasn't entirely fair to
file his previous time with the man in that way, and yet it wasn't entirely
unfair either. Harry had taken him in out of sexual interest and manipulated
what was already there to have Eggsy as a live-in sexual partner.
"Yes, we're sure. It wouldn't feel entirely right to us to have you pay for
everything either, especially when you could be saving that money." Kevin
sounded like he was sure, but he also didn't know that money came from Harry
and not Eggsy's deceased family members. "When you're a kid, you're not
supposed to be working for things in that way yet. You'll be learning in school
instead. After that you get to pay for things on your own. When you're grown
up."
"You'll want to have a savings when you're older and starting out on your own,"
Donna added.
"I don't even know what I'm gonna be doin' yet. Or if I can. Everythin's all
messed up with my school," Eggsy murmured, looking down at his feet. "I'm
behind in everythin' because of all my home stuff and how I've had to move
around a lot, or drop out for a year. I don't know if anywhere will take me, or
if I can afford it. Or what sort of job I'd like to do. That never really got
covered, they just assumed everybody'd be working retail or somethin'."
Donna's mouth pulled down at that, but Kevin didn't look as phased. "You'll
have time to catch up. And maybe with a regular tutor, you can start to think
about what you might be good at and what you'd like to do someday."
They led him into the hall and made sure they had their things. The Wilsons had
a security system for their flat like Harry had at his house. Except for
Harry's extra security. It was a little thing, but just another of many that
let Eggsy know he was in an entirely different class now. These people were
younger, from a more modern crowd of money than Harry had been, but it was
still going to take some getting used to.
Eggsy took one more nervous glance around and stepped outside with his new
foster parents. They locked the door behind them and Eggsy was struck with a
heady sense of deja-vu. They were only a few streets away from Harry, and the
neighbourhood looked much the same, neat little rows of houses of the well-to-
do. People went by walking their dogs, just like Eggsy used to do with Harry's
dog. Donna and Kevin were taking him out to be treated to new possessions, just
as Harry had done.
It was the same, and yet it wasn't. It wasn't at all. When Eggsy glanced behind
him, there wasn't a dapper older man in a tailored suit and a warm smile. There
was only a couple who looked like they wouldn't be out of place from between
the pages of a gossip magazine.
===============================================================================
At first Harry had hoped that he might hear from Eggsy within a day. Had
thought Eggsy might call him before bed if only to demand more details of their
time together before. Harry knew Eggsy wasn't going to feel like he fit in with
the Wilsons, although at least they would be kind and he would be cared for.
He'd thought that might have driven Eggsy to seek him out again just for
someone to talk to whom Eggsy didn't have to pretend to be ok for, but nearly a
week passed and still Harry had received no calls and no texts from the boy.
True to his word for once, Harry had not set up any surveillance on the
Wilsons' flat. He knew that the tutor he'd sought out for Eggsy had contacted
the family and they'd scheduled their first meeting for the week following, but
that was all Harry knew. He sought Merlin out after Eggsy had left. Merlin had
seen them together that night, just as Harry had suspected, and they'd talked
for long hours after Harry handed his boy over to the foster family.
When Harry found himself in Merlin's office again, the time and the silence had
been eating at him long enough to wear at what small hopes he had left.
Merlin glanced up from over the screen of his laptop, took one look at Harry,
and began minimizing his screens. Work was always there, never ending, a
constant stream of noise and data to be sifted through. Visits were rarer,
particularly visits from anyone Merlin happened to care about. A flick of a
switch locked the office door behind Harry. "Have a seat. You look terrible,
but I'm not certain whether that's a brandy or a scotch sort of terrible. If
you're here to ask me what the boy's been up to, he looks just fine on the
street feeds."
Harry stopped, sighed, and let his head hang before he found himself a chair.
"Wonderful." He pinched the bridge of his nose, rubbing underneath the glasses.
"The damnedest thing is that I should actually mean that. I still haven't heard
a word from him. And he seems to be getting on well. That is better than I'd
feared would happen to him, and I...." Harry broke their gaze to stare into an
empty monitor. "He's so close. I've been hoping for more. When he was here...he
seemed to want some kind of closure, and I think I might have wanted something
like that myself."
"And you're taking this lull as a sign that that's been rejected. You knew that
little could be hoped for regarding this. The fact that he's even trusted you
the small amount that he has is unexpected. Or that he sought you out again.
You can't hang your hopes on things returning to a semblance of what they
were," Merlin chided. He rose and went to a nearby cabinet, plucking out a
couple of glasses and a bottle. "It's out of your hands."
"I know," Harry sighed. "Rationally, it's all there. But then I think of how
close he is and how he had all these unanswered questions...." Harry took the
generously filled glass Merlin offered him and didn't hesitate to take a drink.
"But maybe that was it. Maybe that was all he needed, and he realised that
afterwards." His mouth wanted to pull into a bitter smile, but all it could do
was frown. "I know I should be grateful for even that much," Harry added
quietly.
"Harry..." Merlin paused, taking his friend in as he slumped in his chair,
nursing the tumbler of spirits and barely holding back the pain Merlin knew was
on the verge of bleeding out. "I doubt that was it. Adults have trouble merely
having one last fling for closure. Children would find it even harder. I doubt
he's done with you, but you can't expect it soon. He can only handle so much
change at once, and he's likely to be overwhelmed at the moment. He may also
not know whether he's allowed to contact you, or how safe it is. It's barely
been a week. You have to be patient."
Harry managed a smile at that. Merlin being helpful was always a strangely
warming experience. "You think so, or are you just trying to cheer me up?"
Harry took another sip and watched his friend ponder the situation. "At least I
have this much," Harry conceded. "If I never hear from him again...at least we
got him out of there. At least I can give him the tools he deserved to have all
along, whether he wants to see me or not." That had cemented in Harry's mind.
He had permission now, and it did mean something to him that he could do that
much for Eggsy.
"I do truly think that. Eggsy is not the sort to fuck and run, if you'll
forgive the expression," Merlin grimaced. He took a lengthy drink from his own
glass. "The fact that he trusted you this much, much less tried to seduce you
to his own needs, says quite a lot. I'm sure he's feeling conflicted and
overwhelmed, but that won't last forever. He's still young. His impatience and
impulsiveness will draw on those emotions. I don't think he'll be more than a
few weeks at most. He's not used to the particular sort of wholesomeness of the
Wilsons. It will push him away."
Harry thought about it and nodded. "He might enjoy that wholesomeness for
once," he said wryly, "but I admit I thought the same. He had a certain pride
in where he came from, I remember. This new life is bound to chafe, beneficial
as it might be. And that's another question we have to consider. Whether he
ever calls me back or not, where can he go after the Wilsons? Could his home
there become permanent? Will we have to search for a family who'd planned to
adopt? That in itself could take a toll on him, even if we manage to keep him
in the same schools and the same neighbourhood." Harry grimaced. "He must be
thinking about all these things with even more uncertainty than I am."
"I know that neither of us is the sort to be comfortable without several backup
plans, but you'll have to accept that we're not in control in this sphere.
Eggsy is not as easily predictable as the usual marks. He may decide to stay
there, or he may not. We'll only have more clarity as time passes, and once we
see his input." Merlin glanced at Harry with more than a touch of sympathy.
"Nothing is certain yet. We'll have to wait and see how the boy feels about
everything."
Harry was nodding, but he was already thinking about what could be done if
Eggsy was forced to go through a string of foster homes. "I'd once hoped that I
could be his rock, the stable presence in his life that a parent would have
otherwise been. I don't know if I'll ever be able to really let that go.
But...I can recognize when that's not a good idea." Even if Harry started
meddling again, giving Eggsy opportunities he wouldn't have gotten otherwise,
there was a chance the boy would notice. He might be able to get away with one
or two and make them really count, but.... Harry shook his head. "You're right.
I know. For now, we wait. Just...keep the alcohol coming." Harry held out his
glass.
Merlin lifted the bottle and poured, but not without looking at Harry and
gauging his level of intoxication and distress. "There are things that can be
done that won't look like meddling, if we're careful and circumspect about it.
I also don't think it will come to that. Harry, you're a field agent. You're
skilled primarily in infiltrating situations, combat, and predicting outcomes
in close quarters and reacting accordingly. You're also being clouded by
emotion. My work requires a larger picture view, and studying the average
patterns of people. Not necessarily their reactions in conversations, but their
decisions and movements, and then planning out and executing surveillance
accordingly. I would have guessed that Eggsy would have come to you once he was
in the same place again. I think he will again. It's all a matter of time."
Harry caught Merlin's eye. His head lifted. His racing thoughts began to
settle. "This is why we have handlers, I suppose." Harry trusted Merlin’s
judgement like a second instinct. He sat back and took a smaller drink,
appreciating that Merlin let him come here for reassurance. Harry may have been
able to go through a thousand different scenarios in his head, but Merlin was
right--he didn't have the right perspective, and he couldn't settle his mind
alone. "Then we just have to make sure he remains safe and stable enough until
he does reach out again." Harry sounded more certain, even to himself.
Merlin crossed the room until he stood in front of Harry and bent. His fingers
caught Harry's chin, turning him to face the other man, but Harry was a bit
more certain now what lay between them. He sat still as Merlin drew them close,
inches away and intent. "We will. You know I will. I know what he means to you,
and perhaps you know what you mean to me. You're honouring your agreement with
him, but I have no such agreement. I'm watching, and I will let you know if I
think some interference is needed. Give him a bit more time, and he'll reach
out again. Neither of you have closure, and while the Wilsons may be able to
provide a number of needs, they will be missing a few dimensions that Eggsy
will now find to be necessities. He will call you."
Merlin let go of him and straightened, turning his attention to the half-full
glass in one hand. "You're always welcome here, for any reason. Any reason at
all. But I stand by my conviction. Adults are sometimes difficult to predict by
virtue of diverse live experiences, but I think I have a good feel for Eggsy's
mind. I don't think it will be more than two more weeks, at most, before he
calls."
Harry exhaled slowly and let his eyes slip shut before he stood as well. A
feeling of peace began to grow in his chest. Merlin's closeness, his intent
focus, was so rare that Harry could still feel it. He didn't need to step
closer to express his gratitude, nor his approval. "Thank you," Harry breathed.
They stood like that and for the first time that week Harry appreciated who he
was and who Merlin was. Neither of them were good men, per se, but they weren't
going to let Eggsy go.
Harry set his empty glass on the table and reached out to lay a hand on
Merlin's shoulder. He squeezed and let it drop, smoothing over the material of
Merlin's shirt as it went. They both needed this.
"We'll see how this goes." Harry straightened his jacket, knowing he'd still
look tired when he stepped back out into the hall, but it didn't matter.
"We will," Merlin agreed. "But you're not alone in this. I don't doubt Eggsy
will return. He won't find his current circumstances soothing or fulfilling.
It's all a matter of patience as he tries to settle in and figures out what's
lacking via the contrast of what is present."
Merlin pinned Harry with a look and then rose again, depositing his empty glass
on his desk and pacing around toward the other side. "Let me know what you
need. Or if you desire company later on."
"I will." Harry didn't know what to think about Merlin's conviction that Eggsy
would return, but it felt good to have the man's reassurance nonetheless.
They'd talk again soon.
Harry left Merlin's office with a surer step than when he'd entered, and when
he went home that night, he turned on the lights and thought of Eggsy in his
house--at his dining table, in the space he'd used to curl up on the couch--and
it didn't seem so terrible to know that the boy was so close. Eggsy was brave.
He was stubborn, he could be frightened, he didn't always know what he wanted
right away but when he figured it out, the boy pursued it, but above all that,
Eggsy would be brave enough to call if he wanted to.
===============================================================================
Another week stretched on, draining Harry of his reassurance and resurfacing
his doubts. He began to think that perhaps everything really had been one last
fling when the house's proximity alert gave a soft chime. Harry began to hope
in spite of himself, bracing for disappointment when it turned out to be one
more solicitor or donation-seeker. Harry moved quickly to his office
nonetheless, bringing up the security feeds.
His heart just about stopped when he saw the diminutive figure waiting just
outside his front door.
Harry rushed for the stairs before another thought crossed his mind. The vision
of the boy turning around danced behind his eyes as he made it to the landing,
only then thinking to stop and make sure he was presentable. He folded his hair
back away from his eyes and smoothed over his cardigan. He was in casual wear
that evening, but he could hardly care less. He just had to calm down.
When the doorbell sounded, Harry waited a beat, took a breath, and straightened
his back, and then opened the door.
"Eggsy."
"That was quick." Eggsy took Harry in and, after a beat glanced around the
outside of the doorway with a sour look. Unless Harry had been waiting next to
the front door for days, he had to know Eggsy was coming, which meant more of
those hated cameras. "You still got the place all rigged up, or did you get rid
of everything when you didn't need to record me anymore? I wanted to see you,
but I don't want you tapin' me no more."
Harry closed his mouth and gave a small shrug. "Never bother to turn them on
anymore, except for the outside surveillance." Harry looked back into the house
and then to Eggsy again. The boy's expression didn't soften, but Harry stepped
back and widened the door. "There's nothing recording inside."
Harry half expected Eggsy to turn away. Reassurance or no, he could hardly
imagine the boy inside his house again. And what that would be like for
Eggsy.... Harry hadn't expected him to show up here. He'd expected a call. A
text. A request to meet somewhere else, maybe, but not the house.
"You're gonna show me. I want you to show me, on your computer, that it's all
turned off. I'm not comin' in unless you prove you're not gonna be recordin'
me. I didn't want you to know I was comin' and get prepared." Eggsy crossed his
arms stubbornly. The movement shifted the backpack he was carrying, which
looked to be stuff far more full than usual. "I guess I lucked out that you
weren't doin' easier work at the shop or somethin' or on vacation, but I kinda
guessed you'd be here."
"You guessed right." Harry didn't want to voice how laughable the idea was of
him going away on vacation while Eggsy was there in his neighbourhood, possibly
waiting to see him. "I'll show you they're turned off." Harry pushed the door a
little farther, hoping Eggsy wouldn't change his mind. He wanted to ask so many
things. What was Eggsy doing here? Did he tell the Wilsons he was going out?
Why hadn't he called Harry at all? But Harry locked them all down. He had to
convince the boy that it was safe to come inside first. If he couldn't win that
battle, the rest would never be answered.
Eggsy ducked through and Harry felt like the entire house breathed with him as
he inhaled and shut the front door behind them both. Eggsy was there. He was
inside, standing in the entryway and looking up at Harry. The boy's suspicious
look hadn't left, but he also hadn't turned and left Harry waiting in an empty
doorway. Whatever Eggsy's motivations, he'd chosen to enter and give Harry a
chance.
Harry wouldn't squander the opportunity. Eggsy had been driven away the first
time by deceit, lies, and a sense of danger and betrayal. Harry didn't doubt
the boy would leave at the first sign that history was going to repeat itself.
"Upstairs." Harry gestured for Eggsy to follow him and heard the soft tread of
the boy's trainers behind him as he climbed the stairs. A hundred memories
nudged at the edges of his mind as they reached the second floor landing. How
many times had they ascended that staircase together? Never with the presence
of so much uncertainty hanging in the air.
Harry led Eggsy into his office, the table lamp still lit. He didn't waste
time. Eggsy followed him around the desk, watching Harry's every movement. He
unlocked the computer and let Eggsy watch him bring up the surveillance system.
"This is live, outside the front door. Motion activated. The rest of these
screens would be filled if the system in the house was active." Harry gestured
to a multitude of blank preview windows. It had been the truth. There had been
no need to continue recording himself, alone, after Eggsy was gone.
Eggsy squinted at the screen. There was always the possibility that Harry could
have done something sneaky - programmed a key to deactivate the cameras at a
stroke, perhaps - but the point of this visit was that Harry hadn't been warned
that he was coming. He'd waited, wanting to catch the man off-guard and to see
if the long uncertainty would give him hints about how Harry felt. It had
worked. Eggsy had seen Harry in casual clothes many times before, but there
were little hints of things - small creases in his clothing, a slight hint of
dishevelment, the tension in Harry's body that wasn't quite adequately hidden.
"Right, then. So long as I'm here, they stay off. That's the deal."
Harry turned away from the monitor. "Okay." Eggsy hadn't taken off his
backpack, or anything else. His eyes were still set and he didn't look like he
was going to relax any time soon. Having the boy in this room was strange.
Having him anywhere in the house was going to be strange, Harry knew, but his
office especially. "Would you like to go downstairs?" Harry asked. He didn't
realise he was fumbling for words until "Have you eaten?" left his mouth. It
sounded like a non sequitur, but he wanted to make sure Eggsy was comfortable
before they spoke. He was desperate for a few moments with nothing else in the
way.
"No, haven't yet. The Wilsons think I went off with friends. Took me a bit to
convince them, 'specially as they haven't met any friends of mine. I'm just
lucky a few of the blokes who used to live next to me didn't change their
numbers. An' that it's safe to call 'em now." Eggsy shrugged. "I got a little
bit 'fore I have to get back. They'll get worried if I'm out too late, an' I
don't want 'em asking questions and figuring out I lied."
Harry nodded, feeling an unexpected twist in his chest at their time being cut
short. What else had he expected, he didn't know. "Alright then. Let me make us
something and you can say you had dinner at your friend's house." He stood and
brushed his hand against Eggsy's arm, encouraging him to follow, even before
Harry realised he'd done it. He let his hand drop and hoped Eggsy wouldn't take
offence. He cleared his throat and put some distance between them to apologize.
Eggsy raised a brow. "...I jumped your bones when you were beaten all to hell
and I was still pissed at you, an' you're worried about a little tap on the
arm? I ain't gonna bite your head off. I just don't-... I don't know how much
to trust you anymore. How to trust you. How d'you even rebuild somethin' like
that?" Eggsy's mouth narrowed and he shuffled his feet. There was so much to
say, and he couldn't figure out what the right words were. "It's like some big
puzzle you can't ever work out. I gotta trust you to see if I can and should
trust you, but I don't really, and it'd be hard to tell if you were doin'
something untrustworthy. So I gotta trust that you're not secretly doin' stuff
and lyin'. It just circles round and round."
Harry gave a tight smile. "It does. You can't force it. Even if you desperately
wanted to." Harry moved for the door and Eggsy followed. "So I'd rather not be
presumptuous about my touch, for example." He let the boy follow him all the
way down to the kitchen where Harry went to put the kettle on first. Strange as
Eggsy's presence was, the moment the boy was in his dining room again Harry
felt like the house wasn't so desolate. A cup of tea would do wonders to help
that feeling along, he hoped. Questions danced in the back of his mind while he
filled the kettle and took down the mugs, but Harry couldn't bring himself to
voice them.
Eggsy watched. He must have felt the strangeness of it all, too, as there was
an air of incredulity about him, like he couldn't quite believe he was back in
this house either. Harry's routine in the kitchen was familiar even after so
much time had passed. The boy leaned against the counter and looked around, not
missing the little signs of change. Harry had missed him. The house wasn't
dirty by any means, but there was more carelessness to the placement of things,
like the owner of the house couldn't muster the energy to put forth the usual
amount of effort or didn't anticipate any guests for some time.
Which would be accurate, if what Harry had originally told Eggsy was true -
that Landon, now 'Merlin', was the only one Harry hosted besides Eggsy himself.
When the mugs were filled and Harry had put away the milk, he turned to glance
at Eggsy. After a moment's decision, he held out the cup for the boy to take
instead of leaving it on the counter. Their hands didn't touch, but Harry
wasn't trying to avoid him. Harry went into the cupboard and took out a bread
roll and butter and jam. He put a few slices into the toaster and then leaned
against the counter much like Eggsy was doing.
Finally Harry couldn't avoid it any longer. "So what did you come by to talk
about today?"
"Just... I dunno. Stuff. I haven't seen you for a bit and we ain't ever... last
time didn't really fix anything." Eggsy shrugged, but he didn't try to avoid
Harry's gaze. "I'm still mad at you, but I also wanted to see you. The Wilsons
are nice, but weird. They're different from everyone else I've known and I
don't think I got much in common with them. It's hard to talk to them. Not that
it ain't hard to talk to you, but we used to."
Harry stopped with the mug pressed against his lower lip. Half of him recalled
Merlin's assessment of the situation, and it was hard to put that out of his
mind when Eggsy sounded like he was suggesting the very same thing. Slowly,
Harry took a sip before lowering his mug to the counter. He imagined sliding
his hands over Eggsy's shoulders as he'd nearly done earlier, but instead he
turned to butter the toast.
"How are you liking the tutor?" Harry asked, finding a track of conversation
that he really did want to hear about. Eggsy would have met the man at least
twice now, and Harry had only heard that it had gone well from his side.
"Good. I mean, it's a bit rough given I've been out for so long, but I told him
I got bounced from so many places that I never got to finish the last grade I
was in and it was hard to pay attention when I was in school. So he asked me
about the last stuff I remembered doing, and gave me a few tests to see how
well I remembered. We're reviewin' a bit before he shows me the next stuff I
missed out on." Eggsy raised his mug and took a sip. "The stuff is still
boring, but a tutor is better'n school, and I don't gotta deal with people
lookin' at me funny 'cause I'm too old to be in their class. And I guess I
won't get stuck with shite jobs in the end, so that's good."
Harry found himself smiling a little. "No, you won't be." He took the toast and
jam to the table and sat down, passing close to Eggsy as he went and gesturing
to the seat across from him. "And the Wilsons, they're treating you well?" This
was the part where he really did feel like he'd handed his boy off to someone
else, when all he could do was ask about his well-being after the fact. Harry
didn't take his eyes off Eggsy even as he took a slice.
Eggsy grabbed one of his own and bit in without hesitation, chewing while he
picked his words carefully. "Hmmm. Yeah, I mean... weird, but okay. They're
almost too nice and too fussy. It's like they think I've never had enough to
eat, or anything of my own. They're like people on a telly show, not like real
people. They treat me a bit like I'm younger than I am, too, although I guess
they don't know I was off takin' care of myself for a while."
"That's true. And they're new at being parents. But a lot of parents do fuss
over their children and, well, let's say stay firmly in the role of a parent."
Harry wasn't sure if his mouth was trying to draw into a scowl or a smile at
that. He had thought the Wilsons would be a good choice out of the options
they'd had, and it looked like that had been true, but compared to when he'd
had Eggsy.... He sighed. "I suppose I shouldn't cast myself in the light of an
ideal parent either, now should I?" He smiled a little more normally that time.
"I liked being here. Before everything else, I mean. I liked all of it, and
that didn't really change even after I figured out you tricked me, and lied,
and all that other stuff." Eggsy's gaze lowered to his plate. He pushed the
crumbs around aimlessly. "I just couldn't stay, after that last. Not just
'cause I thought you were gonna actually kill me, or lock me in the house like
in the horror movies or somethin'. I figured I had no idea who you really were
or what you were capable of doin', and I didn't know what to do about it and I
couldn't ever fight you and win, so all I could do was run away."
Harry's mouth thinned. "We all need some degree of control over our own lives.
Even someone as young as you. We don't always think of it that way with
children because they have very little say in what they do, as you are finding
out with the Wilsons. Your parents decide what you eat, when you go to sleep,
where you go to school. They decide what's best for you, and you do it. But
there are certain lines that I crossed that left you without the fundamental
sense of personal safety." Harry looked down at his plate. "I'd never wanted
you to feel that way, but it was the result of my actions and I knew that it
could happen."
"You said you did it 'cause you thought that's the only way you'd get to have
me. But you also said you thought you wouldn't get to have me for very long,
right? That you thought I was gonna leave you or somethin', so..." Eggsy's
throat tightened, and when he found his voice again it was strained. "How come
you risked hurtin' me like that if you thought you were only gonna get a
couple've years?"
"I was that desperate." Harry closed his eyes. "A few years with you would have
been worth a lifetime. Nothing lasts forever. Even...when normal people fall in
love. They change. The kind of love they share changes. I had hoped you would
still love me, in a way, as you grew up, even if what was between us changed.
If that had been possible, that would have been good for you. I'd have been
someone you could turn to, someone stable in your life, even when you were off
on your own discovering the world of a young adult. Instead of someone you
feared."
Eggsy went quiet for a moment. He couldn't understand. Confusion and hurt knit
his brow together. He was no longer a completely naive child, but neither was
he fully an adult with an adult's understanding. Time passed differently for
Eggsy, and he couldn't imagine those kinds of changes, or why Harry had been
willing to hurt him in order to have something temporary. "...still love you,
though," he mumbled, the words barely audible before he raised his mug and
swallowed down whatever else he might have said.
Harry raised his eyes. Eggsy sat there across from him so miserably, shoulders
hunched and head bent. Harry pushed aside his plate and rose from the table. He
went around to Eggsy, who was still trying to save face, and put a hand on the
boy's shoulder. "Eggsy.... I still love you, too." Harry sank down to one knee.
He lifted his hands to Eggsy's face, wanting to wrap the boy up in his arms.
Their agreement the last time he'd seen Eggsy held fast in his thoughts though,
and though Eggsy had indicated a touch may be acceptable, Harry would not
initiate more contact than that.
Eggsy's gaze darted sideways towards Harry, sad and more than a little haunted.
Harry could feel the boy trembling slightly under his hand. "I mean... do you
really though? I know you miss me. I could... see it, in the warehouse and
afterwards. And now. And I can see it in your house, and what you said about
keepin' all my stuff. But I don't know if you miss me, or just- ...just miss
fuckin' me." Eggsy's mouth twisted with emotion and he ducked his head again.
Harry didn't take his hands away. "Why do you think that I haven't grown that
attached to you after all this time? Because it started out with me simply
wanting to fuck you? That didn't last long, Eggsy. I became infatuated fairly
quickly. I'd never have wanted you to live with me if I hadn't been. Or is it
because I think you'll want to go out and explore the world and all the other
people in it someday? Leave the nest, as it were? Is it my talk of love
changing that makes you doubt it's real?"
"I don't think I'll not want you anymore, but... I don't know if you really
wanted me. Or want me. Or if anyone does. Or even if maybe you do now, you're
tellin' me that you won't like me once I get older, so you'd kick me out if I'd
stayed long enough to get bigger." Tears were starting to roll down the boy's
cheeks at that point. "I wanted to hate you and not love you anymore, and I
couldn't. I don't know what to do if you don't really love me, or if you only
love me so long as I'm little and you're not supposed to have me. Some people
do that. I met a bunch of people on the street who only wanted stuff they
couldn't have, and stopped wanting it once they'd gotten it."
Harry pulled Eggsy into his arms. He didn't care anymore, he just did it. He
felt Eggsy's small body trembling against his chest. He stroked his fingers
through the back of Eggsy's hair. "I don't know what will happen when you're
older," Harry said softly, "but I do know that I will always love you." One way
or another, he knew he would. That had been clear to him for a long time now.
He pulled back when he heard another sniffle and looked at Eggsy. The boy
looked so forlorn and Harry wished he could show Eggsy, in some way, what he
felt. But Eggsy needed something to cling to and again, he didn't trust in
Harry.
What happened next was so fast that Harry wouldn't have had much time to react
under normal circumstances, much less ones so fraught with emotion. He
shouldn't have been surprised, perhaps, when one moment Eggsy was looking up at
him like he was about to cry, and the next moment his mouth was pressed
demandingly against Harry's.
Eggsy associated love with sex. Harry had taught him that, in a way. He
couldn't believe and process Harry's words, and so he sought out the
reassurance and sense of being loved in the way he thought would best fulfil
that.
It took a second, but Harry melted into it. His fingers gripped at the short
strands of Eggsy's hair. They didn't part for a long time, but when they did,
Harry panted quietly. "Come." Harry gathered Eggsy into his arms and lifted him
out of the chair. "Sit with me." He brought the boy into the living room and
sat down on the couch, Eggsy half in his lap. If Eggsy needed intimacy, Harry
could give him that much, although he hesitated to take things further as they
had before. "The only way you'll believe me is with time," Harry admitted.
Eggsy tucked himself close, one hand balled in Harry's shirt. Eggsy himself
likely didn't know his own mind or why he felt prompted as he did, judging from
the boy's conflicted expression. He didn't move away, though. "We don't got
much time, though. The Wilson's might wanna adopt me eventually. I'll get
older. I felt awful the whole time I was off living on my own. About a lot of
things, and I was pissed at you and still am, but I don't want to feel so bad
anymore, all the time."
Harry held on a little tighter. Eggsy wanted to be with him because he knew
Harry could love him now and he feared missing that chance. He wanted to be
with Harry because he knew Harry could make him happy. 'Stay with me. I'll love
you.' was on the tip of Harry's tongue and it twisted his insides.
It was true. He wanted Eggsy back. Just as Merlin had said. Just as Eggsy had
known, and feared. Just as he'd dared not admit to over these last weeks. He
did want Eggsy back and somehow the threat of that being an impossibility
didn't hold him back from thinking about it any longer.
"If you believed that I could love you, would you stay with me?" Harry
whispered.
"Maybe," Eggsy whispered back. So much stood between them. Love wouldn't
entirely dissolve the boy's anger over what Harry had done, or heal all the
damage. People could love and still be entirely untrustworthy. Eggsy might
always be bitter over what had happened to his mother, if not the pain and fear
he'd endured. "I don't know. I'm still mad at you. But maybe."
Chapter End Notes
     Thank you for waiting on this chapter, and come join us again this
     Saturday (5/28) for the Dark_Kingsman_Block_Party!
***** Chapter 43 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Harry nodded, his chin rubbing against Eggsy's shoulder. He pulled back a
little, still rubbing his fingers over the back of Eggsy's neck. "Would you go
to the opera with me this Saturday?" Harry knew it was one of those things
Eggsy would be horribly out of place in, but Eggsy had gone to many of those
sorts of things when he'd been living with Harry. It was bound to throw him off
a little, which was what Harry wanted. Going to the opera wouldn't amount to
Eggsy believing Harry would love him when he grew up, but it was something.
"I-... yeah, sure, I guess. I dunno what I'm gonna tell the Wilsons, though. If
I lie too much about friends, they're gonna know where they live, meet them and
their parents, that sorta thing. Not 'cause they're suspicious, but 'cause
they're so nice." Eggsy didn't trust what Harry said yet, but he did trust that
Harry was not going to harm or kidnap him like he'd once feared. Agreeing to go
somewhere with Harry was no longer off the table, but Eggsy knew it might
entail digging up painful memories all over again.
"Tell them I'm taking you. I am supposed to be checking in on you after all, as
your case worker. I'll have you for a few hours, make sure everything is ok at
home, and bring you on a short outing for fun. Just to see a familiar face."
Harry offered up his usual pleasant smile, the one that might mean he was just
being polite or he might be lying through his teeth. If their story were to be
believed, then Harry really would have been the only consistent person Eggsy
had known for a few years now, even if Harry was not supposed to be his
guardian.
"You think that'll work? I thought social workers normally just visit people at
home and talk to them there." The Wilsons were so good-natured they might
accept it, though. Once Eggsy thought about it, it seemed more likely. If they
thought Harry was the one constant Eggsy had had, they wouldn't want to deny
him that bit of stability or cut him off from a sense of safety. They also
might be wary of how such a thing might look to the case worker, who could
decide to place Eggsy somewhere else if the situation appeared worrisome.
"Normally they do, but it's not unheard of for children they've known a long
time. I doubt the Wilsons will read more into it so long as everything looks
proper." Harry relaxed a little, letting his arms fall around Eggsy's waist,
still holding him close. His weight on Harry's lap had been missed. "Whenever
you want to see me, we'll work something out." Harry didn't want that to be the
reason Eggsy stayed away. Even tonight he'd said he had to be back soon and
that he couldn't trust the ruse of going to his friends' would last forever.
"Even if I end up deciding I want to see you a lot?" Eggsy ventured. He didn't
want to give Harry expectations, but neither did he want to pretend
indifference and stay away when he really needed something more. Time together,
or answers. Eggsy shifted closer, enjoying the feel of being held close and
wanted, and knowing just how the movement would affect Harry. He'd been
innocent the first time. This time, he intended to be the one in control.
"Yes, even if you want to see me a lot." Harry sighed softly at Eggsy's
shifting. "You know how well I can manufacture excuses to get you out of the
flat." Harry looked down, enjoying the way Eggsy had his head tucked under
Harry's chin and the way he was trying to be held even closer. Harry had feared
that after what they'd done last time, Eggsy’s absence might have been a sign
he regretted it. If Eggsy had any moments of doubt, they clearly hadn't lasted
this long. Harry rubbed his back, trying to comfort him without being overtly
sexual.
"I brought spare clothes," Eggsy murmured, and something clicked in Harry's
mind. Eggsy's backpack was stuffed full of extra clothing. Clothing that
wouldn't leave him coming back smelling of sex, something that his foster
parents would surely notice and would put lie to the fiction about visiting
friends. "I thought... um, maybe. 'Cause it's been a while, 'cause I waited.
That you'd say yes."
Harry closed his eyes. Already, his heart beat picked up and he felt prickles
of interest in his cock, which Eggsy had pressed his weight against. "They're
going to notice you've changed clothes," Harry murmured. He thought of all the
ways this could go wrong, all the ways Eggsy might feel worse having sex with
Harry and then having to leave. Harry wouldn't be able to wrap him up in his
arms all night after. He wouldn't be able to reassure Eggsy he'd be there in
the morning, and Eggsy was going to go back to the Wilsons' with all those
doubts still in his mind. But instead, that was the first thing out of Harry's
mouth.
"I'll tell 'em we went to a skate park. They know I'm interested in skating.
I'll say I got all gross and sweaty, and brought a change of clothes for after
the showers." Eggsy leaned in close enough that his breath was on Harry's neck.
He hadn't missed the twitch underneath him. He might have his doubts about
Harry's love, but he had no doubts about Harry's lust.
Harry's breath came out shaky. "Alright." He didn't put up a fight at all.
Eggsy knew he wouldn't be able to, and deep down, so did Harry. He knew that
conventional wisdom would say that he should put a stop to this until Eggsy was
secure in Harry's motives, but he wanted this. He'd missed Eggsy. Terribly. And
he feared that turning the boy away would only hurt him further.
Harry brought his hand up to stroke against Eggsy's cheek, drawing him to look
at Harry before Harry lifted him up a little so Eggsy's legs could fit around
his waist. Harry kissed him and remembered why he'd missed this so much.
Eggsy stayed there for a moment, lips pressed together and basking in the
closeness, before he drew back. "I don't wanna do this down here. I wanna go
upstairs," he whispered. The both knew how rough that might be. The last time
had been in a place strange to Eggsy, with no previous emotional attachments or
associations to the room. All of Harry's house was laden with meaning and
memories, none more so than the bedroom.
Harry searched his face, but Eggsy looked sure. "Ok." He lifted the boy into
his arms and climbed up from the couch. A smile broke out across Harry's face
when Eggsy wrapped his legs around his waist to secure himself there. Harry had
forgotten how good it felt to really have Eggsy in his arms like this. He'd
always liked picking Eggsy up and carrying him around. Bedroom or no, this was
nice. Harry leaned in and nuzzled his nose against Eggsy's neck and up to his
cheek, giving him little kisses along the way before he headed for the stairs.
Eggsy knew what he was doing. He'd planned for it, as evidenced by his pack and
his strategic wait to throw Harry off. He might not be certain regarding
Harry's feelings about him, but he was certain about the older man's feelings
about his body. He also had his own needs that couldn't be met anywhere else,
mostly because he didn't trust anyone else to get that physically close. Eggsy
knew he could trust Harry to be careful and take care of him and give him
whatever he wanted. Right then, Eggsy wanted to feel wanted. He wanted release
and the warmth that would fill him afterwards.
When they reached Harry's room, Eggsy's eyes darted all around. Harry hadn't
changed it much, if at all. The only things missing were Eggsy's clothes and
the games he used to leave strewn about, not caring enough to keep them in
'his' room since they never had guests over anyhow. The room was still
beautifully furnished and tasteful, yet untidy.
Harry turned with Eggsy in his arms, refraining from shutting the door behind
them and placing Eggsy down on the bed. Harry climbed up with him, pushing
pillows out of the way and toeing off his slippers.
Eggsy didn't hesitate in stripping off his clothing. One after another, each
garment hit the floor beside the bed until Eggsy was all bare skin, his own
interest rigid against his stomach. Eggsy hadn't thought the settings would
have as much of an impact as they did. Everything was familiar, even down to
the give of the mattress underneath him. The boy felt like he'd been
transported backwards in time.
Harry went about it slower. His cardigan came off first, but then he stopped to
run his hands over Eggsy, admiring the boy's soft flesh with kisses and
strokes. Harry didn't touch his cock though. He'd always liked to keep Eggsy on
edge, but this time it wasn't about that. Harry wanted to enjoy this like they
had all the time in the world because he wanted Eggsy to enjoy it that way,
too. But Eggsy was impatient and Harry soon had to work on his own clothes lest
they be stripped from him by a pair of small, determined hands. Which wasn't so
bad, really, but he didn't want to make Eggsy do all the work.
When they were both bare, Harry crawled up next to Eggsy and drew him into his
arms again, letting Eggsy feel his length pressed between them and rubbing
against Eggsy's own, smaller one.
Eggsy gave a contented sigh and sank into Harry's arms. He felt safe with this
much. Harry's body and scent was familiar and far more associated with safety
and pleasure than the memories of terror, being stalked through the train yard
and surviving in hiding on the streets. The only thing different now was that
Eggsy knew Harry wasn't as invincible as he'd seemed back then. He'd saved this
man's life. He'd seen him broken and completely at his mercy. Eggsy was no
longer completely blinded by how much he'd idolized Harry, but even with that
layer stripped away, Harry had maintained his appeal.
Harry trailed his fingers up Eggsy's spine. "You look so content," he murmured,
and Eggsy did. Harry hadn't seen his eyes that untroubled in...a long time.
"What are you thinking about?" He felt like he could ask now that Eggsy's head
was in a better place. Harry wanted to keep it there just as much as he wanted
to keep Eggsy in his bed. He'd keep him all night if Eggsy would let him. He
barely cared whether the Wilsons would worry or not.
"That I feel better like this. And I feel better after... y'know, I saved you.
I didn't have to, but I wanted to, and you're not..." Eggsy sighed and closed
his eyes. Harry's fingers continued to stroke up and down over each knob of
bone, derailing his thoughts with a tingle of pleasure. "I had been thinking
about you like you were some unbeatable monster. It actually scared me, at the
time, to see you like that. Now I like remembering it, in a way, 'cause it
means you're just a person. It made you less scary, I guess."
"Hm, my grandeur has faded a bit I see. But that was perhaps too much grandeur
for any one person to have in the first place." Harry smiled, his tone teasing
although it felt like he was only teasing himself. "I'd much prefer that I
didn't scare you." Harry leaned in and kissed Eggsy again. He'd missed the
sweet, soft darting of Eggsy's little tongue and the way they'd play sometimes
in their kisses. He found that it wasn't hard to draw Eggsy into that again,
not when they were both feeling so light for once.
The sun was dipping below the horizon and the thin shade of curtains were
drawn, but it still filtered in. Eggsy looked beautiful awash in golden red
hues lighting up his eyes and making his hair look darker, laying in Harry's
bed.
"I don't want you scarin' me either. I like you better when you don't." Eggsy
took the initiative for once, drawing Harry down to one side and trailing
kisses up his neck. He didn't want to hurry, even though he knew he only had a
limited amount of time. "It doesn't scare me anymore, y'know. That you've
killed people, although don't know if I really want to know too much about it.
But that doesn't scare me no more."
Harry turned his head in surprise. He caught Eggsy and made him look back.
"Really?"
Apart from everything Harry had done to Eggsy, he feared the boy would never
quite be able to get around that detail. That Harry was capable, and willing,
to turn off his conscience at times. Eggsy had feared at first that Harry was
capable of doing that with him, and Harry didn't know if he'd ever be able to
convince Eggsy otherwise.
"I thought about it a bit, and you only seem to have done it when you had a
real reason to. I don't know what reason," Eggsy clarified. "But somethin',
otherwise you might've killed my mum instead of just messin' stuff up so I
couldn't be with her anymore. Or got rid of me if you thought I was gonna grass
you out about fuckin' kids. You didn't have to be nice to me or anyone at all.
You could've just done anything you wanted. My dad was a soldier before he
tried to become a spy, an' he probably killed people too and nobody thought
anything weird about it. I don't know what to think about it yet, but I don't
think you're gonna hurt me anymore."
Harry nodded carefully. "That's a very astute assessment. I've had my reasons,
but I had never thought of hurting your mother physically, nor you." Harry
didn't mention that some of his reasons were simply Merlin, but that was a
conversation for another time. "I don't ever want to hurt you." Harry sneaked
an arm beneath Eggsy and drew him closer. "I'd like to keep you here and happy,
always if I could."
Those words were so familiar. They'd been spoken in this room dozens of times
before when Eggsy was last there in Harry’s bed to hear them. Harry had meant
them then. He meant them now, and so they slipped so easily off his tongue.
Eggsy regarded him intently, but not with conviction. He believed Harry
regarding his capacity to harm him, or else he wouldn't be there at all, but he
didn't know what to believe about the future. "Just make me happy here now," he
finally murmured, settling back against the pillows. Eggsy didn't know about
what was to come, but he knew what he wanted right then. He wanted sex - what
he remembered when he lived with Harry, and the taste he'd had with their brief
reunion. Harry hadn't been the only one tormented by the separation, or the
wait after he was placed with the Wilsons.
Harry's smile softened. "I can do that." He leaned in to press another kiss to
Eggsy's mouth before he shifted over the boy. Not fully, just to get an arm on
the other side of him so Harry could work his way down Eggsy's neck. He let
that hand wander lower, teasing along Eggsy's stomach. Again Harry had to
marvel at how truly amazing it was to find himself in this position. At times
he found himself understanding Eggsy's desire to be close to him, knowing that
the feelings he'd cultivated in the boy had been so strong they'd likely always
be there, in some form, but at other times he could barely believe that Eggsy
still wanted him enough to come back and ask for this, even for a night.
But he did. Enough to plan for it, strategizing exactly how to execute it. None
of this had to do with Harry's wants, but Eggsy's. Eggsy hadn't come here and
wasn't doing this to please Harry. He'd done it because he wanted this, enough
to risk his relationship with his foster parents and possible rejection when he
showed up with a pack of clothes. Eggsy had been adamant about the fact that
nothing would happen going forward without his permission, and despite the
finality suggested by that statement, he'd asked for sex. Even now, he was
squirming into Harry's touch, not away from him.
Harry didn't find it difficult to comply. He let his tongue stroke over Eggsy's
nipple, still barely even a bud, and grazed his teeth over the boy's ribs as
though he were going to bite. The bite never came, but Harry's open palm
sliding over his little cock did. Eggsy gasped at that and Harry lifted himself
up again to enjoy the look on the boy's face. He paused only long enough to
reach into the drawer of the night stand and find the bottle of lube, adding a
small amount to his palm before he went right back to that motion again.
Harry's own cock pressed eagerly against Eggsy's leg, but he ignored it for the
moment.
Eggsy had wanted exactly this. The rhythm of it, one sensation after another, a
tease of danger without it ever becoming reality. He could be overwhelmed and
pinned down by someone much bigger and stronger than him and not worry about
getting hurt, because Harry would take care of him. Eggsy remembered how Harry
had known all sorts of things to suggest, coaxing Eggsy slowly into new ideas
and sensations that he hadn't found a way to live without. Harry's teeth grazed
over his ribs and a bit lower, down the groove to one side of his hip, and
Eggsy gasped.
Harry laughed in delight, more a puff of air against Eggsy's skin than anything
audible. He closed his mouth over Eggsy's upper thigh, letting his teeth press
into the flesh without any real pain as he continued to stroke. When he
released his hold, he smiled. "You once asked why I liked nibbling on you so
much. Suggested I might have some subconscious desire to eat you. You don't
know how delectable you are." Harry glanced up at Eggsy with the corners of his
mouth curling.
"Like how?" Eggsy laughed, and Harry's heart skipped a beat at the sound of it.
That, and at the sight of the boy looking down at him, flushed and smiling.
"Are you sayin' you like seein' me jump, or that I taste funny? 'Cause you
know, there's a way to fix the last bit. I heard about some people puttin'
honey and stuff on their girlfriends and lickin' that off."
It was Harry's turn to laugh at that. "The things you've been learning while
you've been away." He nipped at Eggsy's thigh in a playful manner of
emphasizing the point. "I like the way you taste. I don't think you need any
honey, although if you'd like to try it, I wouldn't be averse." Finally Harry
moved over, swiping his tongue against the base of Eggsy's erection to secure
the boy's attention, but he wasn't done yet. "What else have you heard while
you were away?" Harry asked, pointedly teasing his tongue over the head of
Eggsy's cock but not taking it into his mouth.
"Um." Eggsy's voice wavered as he looked down, vaguely hypnotized by the sight
and sensation of Harry's mouth and tongue against his cock. "L-lots, I guess.
Lots of the people I was with, they were pretty filthy-mouthed and talked a
lot. Mostly about girls, but there were girls too who'd talk about boys. Edgin'
and teabags an' all kinds of stuff. I kept out of it 'cause they thought I was
too young, though they kept teasin' me about when I was gonna get a bird."
Harry harrumphed. "What a wretched assumption." He hadn't expected to feel the
bite of territorial inclinations, but the thought of his Eggsy being pushed
towards girls rankled Harry. "I can think of a good many things you'd enjoy
more than that, I'm sure." Harry stopped himself before declaring he was one of
them, aware that he was starting to sound jealous. "I suppose it's nice to see
you've expanded your vocabulary though. And have had some time to think about
the things you want most...." Harry dipped his head to lick at Eggsy's cock
again, this time in more deliberate motions.
Eggsy shot him an incredulous look and, after a moment, the boy started to
laugh. Small fingers gripped the older man's hair and stopped Harry in mid-
motion. "Really? Really. Don't think I didn't just see you get all worked up.
You bothered by thinkin' I might like girls too? Or are you thinkin' that you
can beat any bloke I might eye, but birds are another story you can't compete
with?"
"I'd rather not think about it at all," Harry grimaced. Apparently he wasn't
getting out of that so easily. He knew why the thought of it disturbed him. It
had the potential to hold an allure of normalcy Eggsy had never had before. An
illusion of normalcy, perhaps, but normalcy all the same. It was something
Harry couldn't touch, that Harry would never be. "You came to the conclusion
you were gay very young. It's not out of the question you might explore
someday," Harry mumbled.
"Maybe, but not bloody likely," Eggsy laughed, immensely amused by Harry's
apparent jealousy and insecurity. "I've seen quite a bit now, and even though
people thought I was too young for some things, they didn't think I was too
young to lend me some of their mags and such. I'm pretty sure I'm gay, Harry.
Only likin' pictures and videos of men, or lookin' at cocks, is a bit of a
clue. You don't gotta be worryin' about a girl stealin' me away."
Harry dropped his forehead onto Eggsy's thigh. "Ok, ok, don't laugh too hard
now. Cheeky little...." He nipped again, but this time was softly laughing
along, himself. He looked up and found Eggsy looking back, grinning wide with
unfettered delight at Harry's predicament, utterly happy in the moment, and
Harry couldn't find it in himself to be annoyed. Seeing such a look on Eggsy's
face lifted his spirits beyond what he'd imagined, so much so that Harry was
grinning back, unable to help it. He lifted himself up and met the boy's mouth
in retaliation, kissing him deeply, wanting to take that grin for himself and
cherish it.
Eggsy's tongue slipped into Harry's mouth, bold as could be. Such was the main
change of their time apart, beyond Eggsy growing a bit. The boy was more
confident. He knew he could take care of himself, and he'd spent time thinking
about what he wanted. He didn't have a fully mature mind by any means, and the
boyish insecurities and need for affection still remained, but Eggsy wasn't as
shy as he'd been. He pulled at Harry in encouragement and slid against him.
Harry half moaned, half laughed into their kiss. Eggsy's eagerness was a treat,
in whatever way he chose to show it. So Harry reached for the bottle of lube
again and dripped a good amount across his fingers, his smile curling this time
as he drew back down to Eggsy's hips again. He rubbed his fingers all over,
wherever his mouth wasn't as Harry took Eggsy in finally, making the boy arch
his back. He paid careful attention to rubbing the spot just behind Eggsy's
balls in the slow rhythm he set with his tongue for a while before dipping
lower to press against the puckered muscle of Eggsy's entrance. Harry made sure
not to stop glancing up at the boy, however. As light as the mood had become,
he still needed to make sure Eggsy didn't have any second thoughts along the
way.
Wanton would have been the apt word to use. Gone was all the sorrow and
hesitant, distrustful air that had laid between them in the dining room. Eggsy
might not yet be sure how far he trusted Harry, or wanted him to be an intimate
part of his future, but he assuredly wanted this. The boy's eyes were closed
and his lips were parted in a groan, and his cock never softened on Harry's
tongue. Eggsy hardened, actually, as soon as the first finger slipped into him,
tilting his hips up against Harry's mouth.
Harry groaned. He wanted to reward Eggsy with more, but he kept his movements
slow. He knew well not to hurt the boy and that ultimately, Eggsy would enjoy
it more that way no matter how eager he was. So Harry's finger worked its way
inside Eggsy inch by inch. With lots of lube easing the way, Eggsy opened up
for him like his body had already been expecting this. And Harry supposed it
had. Eggsy never did forget how to open up for him, like muscle memory. The
thought made his cock ache, pressed against the mattress.
Harry worked the rhythm up faster until he was rubbing Eggsy's sweet spot and
adding another finger.
Eggsy pressed himself downwards and fucked himself on Harry's fingers. He'd
moved against Harry before, of course, but never quite so boldly. The boy was
biting his lower lip, but he didn't look like he was in pain - quite the
opposite, in fact. Harry's fingers slid in easily, and when Harry crooked them
upwards for a moment of gentle pressure Eggsy moaned between his teeth. Small
hands came down and rested on Harry's shoulders, part encouragement and partly
to anchor himself.
Harry lifted his head, letting Eggsy's cock rest on his tongue as the boy
pushed himself down again and again. It made for quite a sight, he was sure,
but mostly he didn't want Eggsy to come too quickly. He sucked again with the
addition of a third finger and then did the same, letting Eggsy watch his cock
sitting on Harry's tongue but unable to do much to get more friction there.
Harry's fingers, however, were doing enough by the way the boy looked. He'd
known Eggsy to be ready very quickly in the past, as soon as he'd opened up to
the whole practise of sex, and it seemed that hadn't changed much.
"Harry, 'cmon," Eggsy rasped. The sound was odd for one so young, at least to
anyone else but Harry. Eggsy looked down at Harry with heavy eyes, and his cock
twitched in Harry's mouth. The sight crystallized in Harry's memory: Eggsy back
in his bed, in his house, ready and willing and looking back at him with
affection instead of fear. "I waited weeks for this. I want you, not just a
couple've fingers."
Harry pulled his head back and kissed the tip of Eggsy's little cock, the
pinkness of it bright against his mouth. "Perhaps you won't stay away so long
next time," Harry murmured, feeling the weight of that sentence even though
he'd meant it to be teasing. He slipped his fingers free and leaned up to kiss
Eggsy while he smoothed the lube over his own cock. He could see Eggsy's
eyelashes flutter, so close they were like that, and watch the boy glance down
at him. The sight of it had intimidated Eggsy once, but now there was only
eager expectation in his gaze. It made Harry's cock twitch. If he could purr,
he would have. He hummed instead, pressing Eggsy down to make sure he stayed,
even though Harry really didn't have to, and positioning himself between the
boy's legs as they spread for him.
Eggsy flushed, unable to look away. Harry couldn't have known how difficult it
had been to make himself stay away, to wait, letting enough time pass that
Eggsy had been certain the older man would be thrown off balance. Desperate.
He'd expected it to be easier to resist showing his own want. He should have
known should have remembered that Harry had practice and accumulated patience.
The man had stalked him for years, after all, slowly luring him in. A few weeks
might make Harry jump at the opportunity, but it wouldn't make him rush or
pressed into easy compliance. "Yeah? We'll see about that."
Harry looked up, meeting Eggsy's eyes and not letting them go. His only answer
was to press into Eggsy, letting the boy feel every inch of it. And Harry, too.
He couldn't do anything but savour it, sinking inside inch by inch, feeling
Eggsy quiver around him, and sear this moment into his mind. He really didn't
know how many moments like this he'd have left if Eggsy should ever decide not
to come back. When he was deep enough, he gathered Eggsy into his arms,
stroking down his back and feeling for any tension in his body. The wait had
made Harry even more careful.
Eggsy clung to him and breathed out slowly. Things still burned slightly at the
beginning even when Harry was careful, but it wasn't a feeling Eggsy minded
anymore. It was familiar, and it had been missed. It made him all the more
aware of Harry inside him and how they fit together so perfectly, interlocked
all neat and tight like pieces of a puzzle. Harry knew his body, and his likes.
It made it all the more unfair that Eggsy felt like he hardly knew the man at
all, given that he wasn't sure where Harry's persona ended and Harry himself
began. "...slow this time, ok?"
"Ok." Harry bent his head and kissed the shell of Eggsy's ear. When he felt
Eggsy was ready, he pulled back a little and then sank in again. Lube eased the
way, but Eggsy was very tight. His body seemed to want to hold Harry inside
him. It made Harry pant against his hair as he moved into a rhythm, slow as
Eggsy had asked for, but savouring every thrust and every inch of flesh giving
under him. Eggsy was holding onto him like Harry might go if he didn't, and
though there was no chance Harry would do such a thing, the boy's small fingers
digging into his skin felt very nice.
The slow slide reminded Eggsy more of their first times together - Harry taking
as long as he felt Eggsy needed, careful as if Eggsy might break. Instead of
the hot, frantic coupling and the angle that created sparks of light behind his
closed eyelids, Eggsy felt every inch of Harry, in and out, and the soft heat
of him when he sank in completely and they rested together just for a moment.
Eggsy clutched at him harder until he was certain he was leaving little half-
moon marks in Harry's back from where his nails bit into the skin.
Harry nuzzled against Eggsy's cheek, leaving him kisses with every slow slide
until he reached the boy's mouth. Eggsy responded just like he'd done years
ago, although with considerably less nervousness. Harry brushed strands of hair
away from his temple and watched him, just because he could. He'd never get
enough of this. Eggsy still looked like a vision, with cheeks flushed and mouth
reddened, bottom lip hanging open slightly, his small chest drawing in deep
breaths and his slender arms up around Harry's shoulders. His skin was creamy
smooth but reddened at his collar and all the way up to his face at the effort
it took to take Harry in. He was beautiful. And he was in Harry's arms,
underneath him. He was still Harry's.
Eggsy felt his chest tighten at the way Harry was looking at him. He'd always
been certain of Harry's lust, but it was moments like this that gave him shards
of hope that perhaps Harry wasn't lying about loving him. It could have been an
act, a warm gentleness specifically contrived to draw him in and make him want
Harry like this again and again. Eggsy knew it was a possibility, but it wasn't
one that he wanted to be true.
He wanted it all to not have been a lie. He wanted Harry to have been telling
the truth, that most of their time together had been him, and that he felt
something more than the desire for a kept catamite in his home and bed.
Harry brushed his thumb against the corner of Eggsy's eye. There were no tears,
but Harry could see what he was feeling. It was showing on his face and in the
way he clutched at Harry so hard.
"I love you," Harry whispered like he was telling a secret. His other hand
stroked down Eggsy's cheek, over his neck, just petting Eggsy as he rocked into
him. Harry didn't break his gaze, not even to kiss Eggsy again, although they
were almost so close that it was hard to focus on anything other than one part
of Eggsy at a time. The boy's eyelashes fluttered. His nose pressed against
Harry's cheek as he moved his head. Harry wouldn't have rather been anywhere
else in the world.
Eggsy's eyes finally shut. Between the thoughts and emotions roiling within him
and Harry looking at him like that, slowly fucking him into the mattress, it
was all too much. He could pretend this was just a fling, a bit of relief by
taking advantage of Harry and what the man owed him, when things were quick and
frantic. At that moment there was nowhere to hide from what he wanted. What he
had tried to stop thinking about. "...jus' want you back again," Eggsy
whispered. He couldn't, not with the rift between them right then, all of his
doubts and fears and the anger that filled him whenever he remembered the lies
and manipulation and hurt Harry had caused.
But he wanted. The rest of that didn't change the fact, and all the time that
had passed since he'd fled this house hadn't dulled that want either.
Harry did kiss him then. "I'm here," Harry whispered, wanting Eggsy not only to
hear it, but to believe it. Hearing it, for now, would be enough though.
Eggsy's fears hadn't been misplaced. Even Harry couldn't predict the future,
but he knew he loved Eggsy. He let his arms wrap around Eggsy again, holding
him closer and letting his weight bring them together, just making sure not to
suffocate the boy. Harry kissed him all over, the pace of his hips still slow
and sweet, and began to wish this moment would draw out forever.
It was too soon for Eggsy to really believe him. If their relationship healed
it all, it would be slow. Patience and care would be required, on Harry's part
most especially. The task seemed insurmountable, but perhaps not impossible.
Impossible had been the idea that Eggsy would seek him out again, much less ask
to resume an intimate relationship and express a desire to be close again.
Eggsy didn't speak again, but he didn't have to. His body spoke for him,
pressing up against Harry, clinging and twining around the older man, returning
his kisses and spreading wide to welcome him in.
Harry's pace grew faster by increments. He couldn't help it, but he reached
down between them to palm and grasp Eggsy's cock and keep him just as on edge
as Harry was feeling. The boy squirmed against him, pushing back while Harry
pushed forward. He'd go with whatever pace Harry used in the end, but Harry did
his best to keep to Eggsy's request. His body strained to keep itself in check
and having Eggsy so willing and warm and open underneath him all the while was
very hard to do. Harry bent and buried his face between the boy's neck and
shoulder to hold on.
It was Eggsy's voice that broke him. After being so quiet, Harry's thrusts and
the stroke of his hand finally began to pull small cries and moans out of the
boy. Sounds that Harry hadn't thought he'd ever hear in his bedroom again,
which had haunted his memories. Eggsy’s voice fractured his restraint just a
bit more, causing his hips to stutter forward. Rather than offer reproach,
Eggsy moaned in response and held onto Harry tighter.
Harry fell into the quickened rhythm, chasing his climax and squeezing Eggsy a
little tighter and a little faster. Harry opened his mouth and let his teeth
scrape against the boy's neck as he came. He never bit down, just hovered there
with his hips working, losing their rhythm and then pressing Eggsy down in one
last push before they stilled. Harry stayed like that, breathing through his
nose and then pressing a kiss to Eggsy's neck. It was long moments before he
pulled back a little to kiss Eggsy properly.
Eggsy was still stiff against his hand, tilting his hips upwards against
Harry's palm while he kissed Harry back. Harry complied, and he didn't have to
think to remember exactly what the boy liked - how much pressure and when, the
twist of a wrist now and then to add a bit of unpredictability, where and when
to trace a finger over the sensitive tip. Eggsy gasped into Harry's mouth and
shuddered, and Harry felt the small cock in his hand twitch in climax.
His arm tightened around Eggsy, holding the boy, cherishing that release. He
had memories of dozens before this, but they were so far away.
Harry broke the kiss to let Eggsy breathe as much as he needed to, but didn't
go far. He wanted to stay this close to Eggsy for a long time. Harry shifted a
little, pulling out when Eggsy wasn't too sensitive anymore and laying his
weight down next to Eggsy’s small body. He wrapped both his arms around the boy
then, feeling his chest rising and falling with breaths he was trying to calm.
The sun had gone down by then, but Eggsy still looked as beautiful in the lamp
light and the last remaining hues from behind the curtains. Harry couldn't
resist stroking his hair and admiring him.
When Eggsy finally surfaced from the haze of pleasure, however, after a few
seconds he noticed the darkness behind the curtains. "...shite. Harry, what
time is it? I-... I lost track. I don't wanna be too late back or-" Worry
suffused Eggsy's features. He knew enough to know that the smell of sex clung
to their skin. He was going to have to clean up and change clothing before he
could head back to the Wilsons' place.
"Not too late yet, I should think," Harry reassured. The moment was broken, so
with a small sigh, he lifted himself onto one elbow. Eggsy was already pulling
himself up and searching for his clothes, and Harry let his hand trail down the
boy's back until he drew out of reach. Harry looked at the clock. "If we hurry,
you'll make it back with only minor concern from the Wilsons." He stood from
the bed and reached for his shorts, tugging them on as he went to ready the
shower. If Eggsy was going to give them a story about being too sweaty to stay
in the same clothes, it wouldn't be odd that he'd shower as well.
Harry heard footsteps as Eggsy went downstairs, exchanging shed clothing for
the fresh ones he'd brought in his backpack. A few moments later he was coming
back up, and then he joined Harry in the toilet. Eggsy still looked nervous,
and it couldn't all be from concerns about the time. No guidelines existed in
their relationship with one another anymore. "Sorry. I thought I had more
time."
"It's ok." Harry tested the water and held out a hand for Eggsy to take as he
stepped inside. He'd get five more minutes of this at least. Five more minutes
of Eggsy with him, bare and warm with the water sluicing over their skin. And
then the boy would have to run off again. Harry helped Eggsy over the ledge and
closed the glass door behind them. He let Eggsy soak up most of the spray and
enjoy the heat. Harry took the initiative to run his hands over the boy's body
to wipe away any fluids that remained if quickly as he knew he had to. Eggsy
may have been unsure just then, but Harry wasn't any longer.
Eggsy wrapped his arms around Harry's waist and pulled him closer. The
familiarity of this, showering together after the fact, was just bringing more
raw memories to the surface. Being with Harry in his house was much more
intense than being with him in an unfamiliar place. Eggsy concentrated on
keeping his breathing measured, more for his own sake than anything. Harry
would likely notice his distress no matter how he hid it. "So... the opera,
huh?"
Harry smiled even though Eggsy wouldn't see it with the way his head was
tucked. "Yes, the opera. I think you'll enjoy it." Harry's hands slid up
Eggsy's back and rested on his shoulders. He let them have a moment like that
with just the water pouring down on them, neither moving. The seconds ticked by
and Harry treasured every one, just as he knew Eggsy did. "It won't be long
before we see each other again," Harry offered.
"Yeah, I guess so. I get to pick what we do after the opera, though." Eggsy was
quiet for a moment, picking through his thoughts to the sound of the spray
against glass and porcelain. "I don't... want you pickin' everything anymore.
Leadin' on everythin'. I gotta be the one who decides. An' maybe I'll decide to
ask you sometimes what you wanna do, or if you've got ideas, but I gotta be the
one who picks this time. Okay?"
"Alright. I can live with that." Harry didn't have much objection. The opera
had merely been an excuse to see Eggsy again. If Eggsy found places he wanted
to go with Harry, that was just fine. Harry would take him anywhere. "What do
you think you'd like to do after the opera?" Harry trailed his fingers up the
back of Eggsy's neck, willing the boy to look up at him.
"Ice cream. Or one of those little fancy shops with the sweet french pastries
and hot chocolate." Eggsy smiles wistfully to himself, then finally looks up.
"I didn't starve or nothin' while I was, y'know, runnin', but I didn't have a
lot of extra time and they didn't pay me much. I got plenty of opportunity to
drink if I wanted to, or try some of the stuff I was runnin', which I didn't
want to, but I couldn't really go out to a lot of the places I wanted too. Just
cheap ice cream now and then, or candy from the Tesco or somethin'. I ain't
seen a movie in a while either."
"It would be my pleasure." Harry smiled down at Eggsy. He thought it would be a
wonderful idea to take the boy out for a treat after, and that Eggsy had chosen
it for himself, that Eggsy had missed things like that and wanted to experience
them again with Harry, that made it even better. "You'll have to keep an eye on
what's playing in theatres," Harry added, "and let me know if you'd like to
go." Plans for things Eggsy might prefer to do lit up his thoughts. He didn't
think Eggsy would mind if Harry suggested a few and Eggsy still got to choose.
It lifted his spirits to know that he probably wouldn't have to spend more
weeks like the last couple, wondering if Eggsy would ever really want to see
him again.
"Yeah, okay." Eggsy's assent was tentative, but real. He did want to see Harry
again. He just didn't know how much hope to put into that desire, or want to
seem too eager. Or even become too eager. His affection and naiveté had blinded
him the first time, and Eggsy didn't want to be caught like that again. If he'd
asked the Wilsons, they certainly would have taken him out for sweets and
movies, but that was different. That was with his foster parents who wanted to
become his adoptive parents. They were nice, but Eggsy still felt like he
couldn't open up or be himself around them, particularly when he couldn't be
honest about his past. "I'll let you know. I got... stuff to figure out, but
I'll let you know."
Harry's hands smoothed the water down Eggsy's shoulders, rubbing them and
letting the boy know he was heard. "Okay." It was time to back off a little and
let Eggsy collect himself again. Harry might not have wanted to, but he could
feel it. He bent down low and pressed a kiss to Eggsy's cheek, short and sweet.
"Come on. Best get dried off now." Harry shut off the water, opened the glass,
and reached for the towels he'd set out for them, handing one to Eggsy.
Eggsy dried off quickly. They couldn't afford to dawdle. Eggsy needed to get
changed and back home as soon as he could in order not to get caught out on his
lie, or get more concern and inquiries from the Wilsons about future plans that
he didn't really want to answer. Eggsy hated lying to the Wilsons, and he
wanted to do it as little as possible. While he didn't initiate more touch as
they'd used to after cleaning up, Eggsy’s gaze lingered on Harry whenever he
thought Harry wouldn't notice.
Harry noticed. He always did.
"Let me drive you back," Harry offered. "It's not far, but it will be faster."
Every last second he could spend with Eggsy, he wanted to take, and it was
true. Eggsy walking by himself would take about ten to fifteen minutes to get
to the Wilsons' flat. If Harry drove him, it would be five. Once dried, harry
wrapped the towel around his waist and trailed a hand over Eggsy's bare
shoulder as he passed to find some clean clothes of his own. His bedroom had
seen tidier days, but he felt the night was well worth it. Harry didn't bother
to look for the clothes he'd discarded, conscious of dressing quickly.
"Ok. Just, not too close. I don't want 'em to look out and see you droppin' me
off. Even if we could just tell 'em that you picked me up from my friend's
place." Eggsy pulled on his spare set of clothes in record time. He'd have to
decide what to do with his other clothes later. Most likely, he'd end up
washing them by hand in the tub, the way he used to when he and his mother
couldn't afford to take their clothes over to the laundromat. He couldn't very
well stick them in the laundry bin back at the Wilson's place and gamble that
no one would catch a whiff of something that most assuredly was not the product
of a hard day of skating out in the sun.
"Don't worry. I'm a professional," Harry said with a wink. He buttoned up his
shirt and adjusted his cuffs before going to the closet for a pair of polished
Oxfords. Harry really didn't do casual, by Eggsy's standards or even the
Wilsons'. He grabbed his keys and his wallet and saw to it that Eggsy had
everything he'd taken out tidied back up in his backpack before they descended
the stairs.
Harry took one last look at Eggsy standing in the hall behind him, marvelling
one last time that the boy was there at all, and opened the front door.
Eggsy followed Harry down the stairs to the garage and slipped into the
passenger seat without a word, mulling over just how often this had happened
before - lying to the people he lived with while Harry drove him back from
their secret meetup. The sun was well-gone by then when they pulled out onto
the street, although the streets of London were never truly dark. Street lamps
lined the walkways on either side of the road, and the lights of the city
diffused into the sky, sinking into the cloud cover and creating a vague glow
that hid most of the stars not already obscured by the clouds. Eggsy stared out
of the car window, watching the rows of houses pass by. The lights inside each
revealed scenes of everyday life, little bubbles of domesticity and rest that
floated next to each other obliviously.
Harry glanced over every now and then. The ride wasn't long, but there were
enough stops on the way that it afforded him a few extra moments to do so. He
pulled over to the kerb around the corner from the Wilsons' flat and set the
car to park. If the tentative plans they'd made did come to pass, this wouldn't
be the last time Eggsy would be surreptitiously driven back in Harry's car.
"Thank you, Eggsy," Harry said before Eggsy could open the door, "for visiting
me tonight."
Eggsy shot Harry a nervous look that quickly softened once it was apparent that
was all Harry was going to say. No pleading, no words that were going to line
him with guilt or anger when he laid in bed and reflected on the day. Harry
wasn't going to pressure him, and after a moment Eggsy relaxed. "Yeah. It
weren't a favour to you, though. It was 'cause I wanted to." Eggsy paused,
glancing out the windows around them, but the street was relatively deserted by
London standards and no one was paying them any attention. "Harry? I got
somethin' to ask."
"Go ahead," Harry said, patient. He'd known this night wasn't for him, but he
was grateful for it all the same. Perhaps even more. Eggsy was looking out the
windows more than he was at Harry, but that didn't mean all his attention
wasn't still focused inside the car. Harry wondered briefly if Eggsy didn't
want to go back. The thought had barely formed before he made his mind quiet,
waiting for Eggsy to speak instead.
"I don't know if you can, with... y'know, what you do," Eggsy started. "But I
think it'd help if you could tell me about whatever you're doin', as much as
you can. Not just bein' honest about older missions and stuff you've done, but
what you're doin' now. I need to know who you are now, not just who you've been
years ago. An' that you'll tell me the truth about stuff, even if you're
worried that I might not like what I hear. If you're tellin' the truth that you
were mostly yourself back when we were livin' together, that's good, but I
didn't see all of you, and we both know it. I gotta actually see all of you
before I can make any kinda choice."
Harry drew a deep breath. "You want me to tell you about Kingsman. And any
other...work I do." The idea gave him pause. He had often told Eggsy about
missions before, but much of that work had been censored not only for the
agency's secrecy. And his work with Merlin.... Eggsy's eyes turned up to look
at him and all Harry could see was the young boy he'd loved...and betrayed, and
lied to. He steeled himself, knowing all the while that Eggsy wasn't going to
like some of what he heard. Would probably even take great issue with parts.
"Okay," was Harry's response, regardless. "Next time we meet, you can ask and
I'll tell you as much as I can."
Eggsy nodded slowly, watching Harry carefully even though he knew how adept a
liar the older man could be. "Okay. Next time. I can't promise I'll like it,
since you were always worried about tellin' me stuff, and with good reason. But
it means a lot if you can show me that you'll tell me the truth anyways, even
when I won't like it."
Eggsy hesitated. He looked like there was more he wanted to say, or do, leaning
forward a few centimetres. His gaze flickered from Harry's eyes to his mouth,
then back. "I... g'night, then. Lemme know about the opera, and give the
Wilsons a call so they know you're takin' me. Yeah?"
Harry nodded and put on a smile. "Of course." He reached over and squeezed
Eggsy's hand, then glanced up at the street. "Go on, then. You'll see me again
soon." Harry thought he might have been speaking more for himself than he was
for Eggsy, but it all came out the same. He would call the Wilsons up tomorrow,
he decided, giving them plenty of notice before the actual 'date'. He'd have to
put a spin on it. Let them know that he was taking Eggsy out both in
celebration and to check up on him--a cross between professional duties and
honestly caring for the boy. It was difficult not to plan it all out in his
mind at that very moment before Eggsy had even left the car.
The click of the car door felt louder than it should have, even so. One moment
Eggsy was there, the next he was gone, slinging his backpack on and briskly
walking towards his foster home. Eggsy didn't look back, leaving Harry to watch
his retreating figure until he rounded a corner and disappeared from view.
Eggsy had come to see him. He'd come into his house. Not only that, he'd
climbed into Harry's bed. Asked for it, even. That couldn't mean nothing.
Chapter End Notes
     Come join us again this Saturday (6/4) for the Dark_Kingsman_Block
     Party!
***** Chapter 44 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
The next day Harry called to speak to Donna and Kevin just as he'd said he
would. Although they had spoken on the phone once a week to check in thus far,
he told them Eggsy was due for on in person assessment, but also that he
believed things were going well and that he'd like to take Eggsy out to
celebrate. Give the boy some culture and all. Donna thought the idea was lovely
and Kevin agreed in the background. She ended up speaking to Harry for another
thirty minutes about how he was really the only person Eggsy had come to trust
with any regularity over the last few years even if they didn't see each other
very often, and by the end of the call, Donna was very pleased, both at having
confirmation that Eggsy was doing well in their home and that he had someone in
the system looking out for him. She even told him as much over dinner that
night.
Eggsy perked up and did his best to look surprised about his social worker's
suggestion of an opera trip, swallowing his guilt all the while. He liked the
Wilsons, and it didn't seem fair to lie to them and trick them like this. As
far as Eggsy could tell, they really did care and have his interests at heart.
But he knew they wouldn't take kindly to the idea of him dating older men, much
less the person they thought to be his social worker. They wouldn't be happy
about the idea of him being sexually active at all at his age. Eggsy didn't
know if he could ever end up living with the Wilsons, not just because they
didn't quite fit right, but because they would become a permanent part of his
life if he stayed with them, and he'd never be able to relax and truly be open
with them. Eggsy was fairly certain that having to lie for the rest of his life
to his adoptive parents and their kin would drive him crazy, which didn't bode
well for any prospective parents for him.
The day that Harry came to pick him up arrived sooner than the last few weeks
had gone by. Harry showed up at the Wilsons' door dressed in perfect finery as
usual, but he wore subdued colours and nothing too ostentatious. The Wilsons
knew they were to attend the opera, and had been delighted to see Eggsy
interested enough at the idea even though it was usually an outing for their
class and not his, but Harry hadn't wanted to seem too intimidating in his
formal wear. He'd simply requested that Eggsy leave his hat at home, but Donna
had dressed Eggsy up in slacks and a button up for the occasion. She'd
insisted, saying he'd want to make a good impression on Mr. Talbot.
"I feel silly," Eggsy had complained to Donna, knowing that she and Kevin
thought he'd never dressed formally in his life. Given the state he'd arrived
in when he'd first been placed with them, it was a safe assumption for them to
make, with Eggsy's tastes running more towards flashy, casual streetwear than
the clothes of high society. "Nobody's gonna be lookin' at me, anyways. They're
all gonna be watchin' the stage."
"Just in case somebody does," she'd told him.
Harry's face lit up when he saw Eggsy like that. He greeted Donna politely and
thanked Kevin for letting him in, but his smile was all for Eggsy, standing in
the hall ready to go and all around looking very different than Harry had seen
him in a long time. Even though when harry had dressed him up before, it had
been a little more thorough.
Harry swept him out of the flat in a whirl of polite conversation and glances
at his watch. He assured the Wilsons he'd see to Eggsy's dinner and told them
not to worry, they'd have a wonderful time and he was sure Eggsy would be on
his best behaviour. In no time at all, Eggsy was back in Harry's car and
heading into the heart of the city.
It didn't escape Harry's notice that Eggsy spent much more time looking at him
than the sights outside the car this time. The boy couldn't quite get rid of a
tinge of red that he'd taken on the moment he'd seen Harry dressed formally on
the doorstep. Whatever tensions and hurts remained between them to be resolved,
Eggsy still had a taste for Harry in his finery "What show're we seein' today,
anyways? I don't even know what's playin'. Do they still do that screen above
the stage where they tell you what the actors are actually singing?"
The corner of Harry's mouth lifted and he passed a program over to Eggsy. "If
you can read that without the screen, that's what we're going to see: La
Damnation de Faust." He didn't try to hide the amusement in his voice. "The
story of a man's damnation after being consumed by an obsessive love, to the
exclusion of all else." Harry sneaked a glance Eggsy's way, but gave no hint
that the theme might have struck home with anything more than amusement. "I
think you'll like it."
Eggsy caught on right away, turning to stare at Harry with wide eyes. His mouth
opened and closed for a moment, speechless. "What, really? Is-... Is this a
weird sort of apology, sayin' you were out of your mind, or are you tryin' to
be a cocky little flirt? I've heard about this one b'fore, one time in school.
The bloke doesn't just get damned, he sells his soul off 'cause he wants a
younger lady to love 'im."
Harry glanced Eggsy's way again and couldn't stop the smile from fully
spreading across his face. "I suppose it has become common knowledge not so
recently that I do not have a soul. I doubt I'll ever get it back." Eggsy
continued to stare Harry down and Harry laughed. "It's both, maybe?" An apology
and a flirtation in one. That did sound like Harry. "I haven't intended this to
be a sombre experience, just...something I felt was rather fitting when I saw
it was playing." Harry glanced between the road and the boy next to him
alternately. "You'd believe I sold my soul to the devil to have you, wouldn't
you?" he asked with a crinkle at the corner of his eyes.
"Well, didn't you? Not that I think one exists," Eggsy scoffed and waved a
dismissive hand. "But you basically said as much. That you did all sorts of
stuff, knowin' you shouldn't, 'cause you thought that was the only way you
could get me to like you and move in with you."
Eggsy shifted and leaned back in his chair, opening the program and flipping
through it to look at the pictures inside. "Gotta say, if you did? The deal you
got was bollocks, seein' as I caught on an' all. I could believe you ain't got
a soul, though, between the sorts of stuff you lot get done outside the law and
what you're like in the sack. Angels ain't exactly known for bein' great at
fuckin'." The boy smirked, watching Harry out of the corner of his eye to see
what sort of reaction his teasing might prompt.
Harry tipped his head back and laughed. There was a brutal honesty in Eggsy's
words, but he wasn't wielding them to hurt Harry. "In that case, I'd still take
being a soulless devil." This kind of banter had come out of nowhere. For them,
it was strange, but Harry enjoyed it and from the look Eggsy was levelling at
him, it seemed the boy didn't wholly disapprove either. Harry opened the window
and let the warm breeze ruffle their hair a little. It was good seeing Eggsy
again. His spirits had been better all week, and he was very curious to know
whether the boy felt similarly.
"Maybe we can test that theory later on." Eggsy paged through the rest of the
program, but a lot of it consisted of biographies of the singers and their
portfolios. Eggsy wasn't much interested in the people they were going to see.
"What've you been doin' since I last saw you? You still on holiday from work
because you're healin' up, or are they makin' you do desk work now?"
"Desk work and low risk, local jobs I'm afraid. Lots of impersonating, nothing
too taxing." At least Harry didn't have to give Eggsy any gory details due to
his minor vacation, but he knew that wouldn't last. They both knew it, in fact.
When they arrived at the opera house, Harry showed almost no trace of being
injured. He led Eggsy through throngs of well dressed patrons and chatted with
perfect posture to the staff before they took their seats. His cane had been
gone for some time though he was still recovering, no one would be able to
tell.
Harry had gotten them a private box. Of course he had. There were a few empty
seats beside them, but Eggsy felt certain that no other patrons would fill them
before the show began. Only a few weeks ago, he might have found that privacy
threatening and demanding. Not so now. Eggsy knew Harry well enough to know he
might be hopeful, and wanting to enjoy his company in private, but he'd never
demand anything Eggsy hadn't wanted to give. Harry had manipulated him, to be
sure, but that one line had never been crossed.
It also made for easier conversation. They'd still have to keep their voices
down, but they could talk far more openly up there than they could anywhere
else in the crowd. Harry settled back next to Eggsy and let him look out over
the theatre below. They could see a lot from up there, even watch other patrons
move about, flip through their programs, and mingle amongst each other before
the show started.
Harry was pleased just to watch Eggsy take it all in. But then the crowd began
to settle and soon enough the lights dimmed for the performance to begin.
Eggsy breathed a sigh of relief when the screen above the stage lit up and
English translations began to appear. No one could really be expected to
appreciate a production and not get bored if they couldn't understand anything
that was going on. "Since you can't bargain your own anymore, I guess you gotta
steal other people's to get any new deals. Would you wish for anythin'
different the next time?"
Harry closed his mouth, his breath stilling for a moment. "Not to have had to
lie." His words seeped into the quiet of their space, heard just above the
performers entering the stage below. If Harry had been able to do that and
still have Eggsy...he didn't know if things still would have gone wrong
eventually, but after all that had happened already, it was something he wished
for greatly. He kept his eyes on the stage below, but he knew Eggsy was
watching him.
"I didn't mean wishing a change back then. I meant now," Eggsy replied quietly.
With the positioning of the box and sheltering curtains around the edges, the
light reflecting up from the stage threw Harry's features into sharp angles,
all black shadows contrasted against dimly lit planes. He resembled something
older and more inhuman just then, with his normal softness artificially
stripped away. "What would you want now?"
Harry turned to Eggsy, eyes just a hair wider than normal. The present tense
had startled him, but it didn't take him long to think. "The same." Harry
swallowed. "I'd wish for you to see me and want to be with me still. I'd wish
for you to believe me in the times I do tell the truth." He thought to offer a
small smile after the fact, to soften the moment. Harry didn't want to upset
Eggsy, but he did answer honestly. He glanced down to the boy's hands, curled
against his knee. "What would you wish for?"
Harry saw those small hands tense. Eggsy turned away to look off towards the
stage, lost in thought for a few moments. "I don't really know for sure. I
guess... if I was changin' the past, that you'd been honest from the beginning
and not hurt my mum, or spied on me without my permission. If it was now? That
you'd still be the same person I thought you were, more or less, and that I'd
know for sure if you ever lied to me or hid stuff from me again. An' that you'd
still like me when I'm older, 'cause I don't know if you're gonna."
Harry didn't stop watching Eggsy. He reached over and took the boy's hand,
squeezing it in his own. "There are a lot of things I can't say about the
future," Harry began slowly, quietly, just for Eggsy to hear between notes from
the stage below, "but I can't imagine not liking you." Harry squeezed. Eggsy's
palm was warm against his own and soft as only a child's could be. He tried to
imagine it larger, roughened from work a man might do, but the sensation could
only half form in Harry's mind. Eggsy was always going to be on the shorter
side, he knew that. Some boys were beautiful when they were boys and then grew
into unrecognisable creatures when they were older. But not Eggsy. Harry could
look into his face now and never imagine such a thing.
"I still... think, y'know. About..." Eggsy swallowed and looked around them.
They were enclosed in the box, hidden away from the rest of the audience for
the most part, but not entirely without risk. Eggsy kept his voice low, which
made it all the more difficult for Harry to discern his words over the music.
"What happens when you really go back to work. I know you're careful, but it's
still dangerous. You've gotten beat up before. My dad died on the job. You
almost died." Eggsy didn't have to say that Harry would have died had
circumstance not deposited the boy in the same place and let him stumble upon
Harry where he was bound in the storeroom.
It was then that Harry turned his eyes to the stage below. For a minute they
just watched, Harry aware of Eggsy's attention on him and Eggsy aware that
Harry wasn't answering.
"This is what I do," Harry finally said. "It's become me. I could no sooner
leave it and become a real tailor than... Well, let's just say it's who I am
now, and in some ways it's who I'd like to be. Through this job I have been
able to become greater than my former self." Harry could feel Eggsy's eyes on
him. He thought back to what Eggsy had told him about his conversation with
Percival, about how Harry really did find worth in doing some good in the world
where the organization could. Eggsy might have not believed it then, but
Percival wasn't wrong.
"I don't mean that, that you should stop. Like, I get that. You can't. Maybe
you couldn't even if you wanted to. I dunno how things are with your boss." The
scenery and lighting changed down on the stage, reflecting crimson hues out
onto the audience. Harry's face became rimmed with devilish radiance and Eggsy
shivered. The boy knew the supernatural was nonsense and that demons didn't
really exist, but he could easily imagine Harry as one. Devils could broker far
more deals with a beautiful form and a kindly, gentle, trustworthy demeanour.
"I just mean that it's made me think about the fact I might not get a lot of
time. I might not have a lot of time for decidin'."
Harry hummed and looked down at their hands. "I will concede that is a
possibility. Not one I like to entertain often, but a possibility, yes. But I
can tell you from experience that if you try to force yourself into a decision
before you're ready, you still won't be ready." For a few minutes more they let
Faust's plight take over before Harry drew his thumb over Eggsy's hand and his
attention likewise. Harry didn't say anything, just watched the play and took
comfort in having Eggsy's hand in his, enjoying the simple touch while he
could.
Eggsy didn't pull his hand away. Not when Faust seduced Gretchen, or when her
life inevitably became unravelled and destroyed. Not even when Gretchen began
to plead for Faust to be saved, tearfully petitioning until her corrupted,
villainous lover was pulled from the danger of hell right at the very end.
Eggsy's hand tightened his hold on Harry's though, and when Harry glanced over
the boy looked pale and thoughtful.
When it was all over and the crowd stood cheering, Harry raised their hands to
his lips and kissed Eggsy's. Obscured by the sides of the box and moving so
quickly, no one would have noticed. Harry gave the boy a half smile. Eggsy
still had that faraway look about him, his eyes half drifting between the stage
even though all the lights had come up and the performers were retreating from
view.
"Are you still in the mood for ice cream?" Harry asked instead of asking Eggsy
about the play. Half of him wanted to, but the other half of him wanted to ease
Eggsy's mind.
"Y-yeah. Or one of those places that make those fancy chocolate tart things."
They both stood. To Harry's delight, Eggsy closed the distance and wrapped his
arms around Harry's waist, pressing his head against the older man's chest for
a brief moment.
Harry didn't vanish at the touch. He stayed solid and warm, with a steady
heartbeat Eggsy could hear beneath his ear, albeit one that was beginning to
beat faster. He even smelled familiar; alive. Thoughts of feeling time and
danger and fate were weighing on Eggsy's mind after the play, wondering if he
was wrong or right about Harry. A bit of physical reassurance went a long way;
his time wasn't up yet.
Harry combed his fingers through Eggsy's hair and took a deep breath. He let
himself enjoy it, not just Eggsy wrapping himself around him, but that Eggsy
wanted him close and feared losing him. "I'm not going anywhere," Harry
reassured the boy and smiled down when Eggsy looked up, face pressed into the
fold of Harry's jacket. "Not for a long time if I can help it." The tips of his
fingers rested just above Eggsy's collar, warmed by his skin, and Harry
savoured the simple skin to skin contact.
"You better not. Or maybe I'll go sell my soul to get you back just so I can
beat you up for bein' so careless," Eggsy countered, narrowing his eyes. For
all his tough demeanour, Harry saw through it. Eggsy was legitimately afraid of
losing him, whatever his other feelings about Harry and what he'd done. He
might not trust Harry, but what held true in the warehouse still held true, and
more: Eggsy wanted Harry safe, alive, and somewhere close, whether he was a
part of the boy's life or not.
Harry's fingers curled at the back of Eggsy's neck and so did his smile. "Good
to know I have a backup plan." Harry watched the way Eggsy's face softened
almost imperceptibly. His acceptance meant something to the boy, whether Eggsy
wanted to admit it outright or not. "Let's go find you some chocolates, shall
we?"
Harry felt warmer as he drew Eggsy out of their box, his boy at his side again,
going out for a treat after an enjoyable event, and wanting to be there. It was
like they had been once, but not. This was new, uncertain, and yet familiar.
The difference was evident in the constant underlying tension between them, and
the space. Before, Eggsy had pressed much closer. Now he walked by Harry's side
with a comfortable gap between them, looking elsewhere as often as not.
Even so, he still looked at Harry. He still wanted to be by Harry's side and
accompany him. There was a chance extended there, and Harry didn't plan to
squander it or be unappreciative of whatever he could get, whatever Eggsy
decided in the end.
It was drizzling when they reached the street and the valet went for Harry's
car, but he'd brought an umbrella, and they shared it as they watched the crowd
steadily disperse from the doors behind them. In spite of that, the weather was
comfortably warm and Harry didn't have to wrap an arm around Eggsy or offer the
boy his jacket. He respected that space between them now, but was ever the
gentleman when the car arrived and he opened the door for Eggsy before the
valet could. Harry thanked the man as he climbed inside himself and once again
they were alone.
Eggsy stayed quiet as the minutes ticked by and London blurred outside the
tinted windows. The boy was lost in thought instead of watching Harry or the
passing surroundings. "Harry? What did you mean, 'bout being ready for a
decision an' all that? I mean, if you thought I was ready for other stuff, why
don't you seem to think I'm ready for making a decision about this stuff? I'm
not, but it's not 'cause I'm young."
Harry glanced Eggsy's way, then back to the street. "I didn't mean because
you're young. I meant because you're hurt. You can't simply will that away."
They parked along the kerb not far from the shop Eggsy remembered Harry had
taken him once. At this time of night it was glowing in the distance in hues of
gold and teal, fitting right along beside the little boutiques that lined the
street and cast a peaceful air over the strip. These shops were inviting, with
tables spilling out onto the walk and doors open to the warm night air, a light
stream of customers strolling in and out looking happy and relaxed. Nothing at
all like the neighbourhoods Eggsy had been living in.
"Yeah, I guess. I just... don't want you to think I'm stupid or incapable
'cause I'm younger. Lots of people do," Eggsy grumbled, opening the car door
and waiting for Harry to join him. Everything felt fancy and safe, from the
nearby shop windows to the street front seating to the customers milling around
them. These people would have been keeping their heads tucked down and their
hands near their wallets had they been in Eggsy's old neighbourhoods, but now
he was just another kid, rather than a potential pickpocket.
Harry drew an arm around Eggsy's shoulders. "Since when have I thought you were
incapable of anything because you're young?" Harry asked as they walked down
the street. He had on a half smile, genuinely amused. Eggsy used to be very
secure in the ways that Harry didn't treat him like a child. He had to wonder
if the boy had doubts about that now, even though Harry had been very genuine
about it.
They entered the shop and found only a short line and a few tables taken. Harry
would be able to find them a corner where they wouldn't be overheard with
little trouble.
"You hadn't before, but I'm not sure if that's 'cause you... wanted to
encourage me toward stuff you wanted, instead of really thinkin' I was mature
enough on my own." Eggsy kept his voice quiet as soon as they drew close to
strangers. A small queue had formed close to the counter, and Harry and Eggsy
had to stand in line, looking over the treats viewable behind glass and listed
on the posted menu. "I should hope you wouldn't think I wasn't mature and
clever enough, after everything. I did beat you. And you didn't seem to be
expectin' it."
Harry hummed. "That's true."
He couldn't say any more before they arrived at the counter and had to make
their decision, so Harry picked out a few of the chocolates and a few of the
pastries on display and ordered a cup of tea along with the rest. He stood back
and let Eggsy make his choice. Eggsy could get whatever he wanted with Harry,
and not just because Harry owed him. Harry would indulge him regardless, even
if he had to take some of the sweets home because he couldn't finish them all.
Eggsy picked out several things - chocolates and caramels to take home, and a
couple of the fresh pastries on display. Chocolate and cream tarts were one of
his favourites, as Harry remembered, but he also picked out a sugared apple
turnover and a cup of tea. The boy waited for Harry to pay and the clerk to
wrap up their purchases for them, and then they went in search of an unoccupied
table that was a bit distant from other customers.
"I was surprised I got you, actually, given what you do for a livin'. Or that I
snuck by you a couple times even when you were lookin' for me."
Harry settled in across from Eggsy and laid out their desserts in front of
them. "It's always a gamble when you're living with someone who gets
suspicious. When you're working, even on long missions, it's ingrained in you.
There are times I let myself be too comfortable at home. And when you were
looking for me...well, you were pretty good at that, I'll be honest. You'd
listened to my stories well, apparently." Eggsy had been good at staying out of
CCTV range, for the most part, and there had been those times when he'd doubled
back and changed his clothes just to throw Harry off.
Eggsy nodded. He glanced down while slicing into his chocolate tart with a
fork, breaking it into bits. "I did listen, a lot. Mostly I just got paranoid
that you knew everything and could see anything, and then I did as much as I
could. I didn't know if it was just you, neither. I thought maybe if I knew too
much, other people would come after me too 'cause they were worried I'd blab,
or somethin'. I didn't even think my little camera in your office was gonna
work, to be honest."
Harry grimaced. "That was a perfect example of me getting too comfortable in my
own home. The thing is, I've gotten generally paranoid. I notice things. But
I'd also gotten comfortable with you." Harry paused in slicing his own tart.
"It was the same tactic that I used, essentially. I knew you'd put those
decorations there, but I thought little of it because I trusted you." The
corner of Harry's mouth turned up in an uncertain smile and he shrugged, trying
to signal to Eggsy that he didn't mean it as an accusation.
Eggsy smirked, turning the expression on Harry for a moment before his
attention drifted back to shoving dessert onto his fork. "...sucks, don't it?
Thinkin' the other person is okay, only to find out something wasn't what you
thought and now you're in deep shit because of it. I was too busy runnin' and
bein' scared shitless at the time, but I thought it was kinda fittin'. That I
got you back by lyin' and sneakin' cameras around."
"You did very well at that." Harry meant it, but he couldn't say it with a
smile. "And then you were gone before I ever had the chance to stop you. That
was key." Harry sighed softly and sipped his tea. He imagined Eggsy would have
easily appreciated that turnabout. Harry certainly hadn't at the time, or even
now, but he could still admire the boy's bravery and, if truth be told, skill.
Eggsy hadn't let on what he'd been up to that night. Harry had been able to
pass off any distraction as little to worry about. And then Eggsy was gone and
the world Harry had built came crumbling down around him.
"...I still get nightmares. About you in the train yard." Eggsy picked at his
tart and took a swallow of his tea to try to stop the lump forming in his
throat at the memory. He'd rarely felt so certain he was going to die, even
when he'd been running drugs and gotten in trouble. "Where I'm freezin' cold,
and trapped in a corner, and you're huntin' and gettin' nearer and nearer until
I know you've spotted me and you're trappin' me in the car. I don't wanna have
those dreams no more, but they keep happenin'."
Harry set down his mug and reached across the table to take Eggsy's hand. He
felt an indescribable sorrow. "I'm so sorry, Eggsy." Harry watched Eggsy's eyes
fall, watched his slim shoulders hunch in on himself. Harry chewed his lip. If
Eggsy trusted him again, those dreams would fade. Not just trusting him in
mind, but in Eggsy's subconscious mind as well. Harry wouldn't be the monster
anymore. He'd track Eggsy through the snow and the cold and the dark and when
he found Eggsy, he wouldn't be so scary. Harry's chest constricted, imagining
his dream self wrapping Eggsy up in his arms instead of dragging him out to
die. "Believe in me again and those dreams won't last."
"It's just hard. I know now that what I was afraid of then isn't going to
happen, but I still dream about it. I guess 'cause I was worried for so long.
'specially after you scared me a second time. I thought I was done, nobody was
ever gonna find me again 'cause I'd just disappear." Eggsy took another bite of
his tart, but he didn't really taste it. The sugar might as well have been air.
It took effort to swallow. "I just keep thinkin' about it even though it won't
come true."
Harry squeezed his hand. "At least you can believe in that much now." He let
Eggsy go and tried to go back to his chocolates. "It'll lessen with time, I
believe. If you do get to know me again and find some of those answers you were
looking for." Harry couldn't say for sure, but he could hold out that much
hope. He'd been an unknown for so long, but now he had the potential of
offering Eggsy at least some peace of mind.
"Do we have more time, after this? Or do I gotta get back afterwards?" Eggsy
knew that the Wilsons had planned for this outing, but not for how long. If
Harry had told them a time estimate over the phone, he hadn't heard about it.
"I don't really want to go back yet. It doesn't feel like I've gotten away at
all."
Harry glanced at his watch. "We can stay out a little longer. An hour or so
maybe before it starts getting too late." Harry wondered if it would have been
like this if Eggsy had stayed with Michelle all along. If they'd have continued
to meet for outings and dates and the like and every time it would have felt
like this when Eggsy had to go back. Things were different now, of course they
were, but the underlying threat of Eggsy having to leave Harry remembered well.
"What would you like to do in the meantime?"
Eggsy thought for a moment. He could suggest anything he wanted, and he knew
Harry would take him there. Eggsy considered the possibilities, including a few
places he really did want to go. "Either back to your place or... that one
bookstore we went, that one time. I dunno if they have anything I can sneak
back with me, but I kinda wanted to read more. An' it's not anything you can
just get at the library or a normal bookstore, 'specially if you don't got a
credit card."
Harry lifted his head. "I think they'd still be open for another hour yet."
While he would have loved taking Eggsy back to his house, the idea of going
back to the very first book store he'd taken Eggsy was a little too good to
pass up. And it would get them on another track of conversation. Idly, Harry
hoped that maybe if they had a better time, then Eggsy might not dream of
anything bad that night. "We could go there if you like. I'm not sure if you'd
be able to bring anything you pick out there back with you, but you're welcome
to keep it with me still. Just to hold for you."
Eggsy nodded. Even if that was the case, that was good enough. He wasn't
planning on cutting off contact with Harry, so having the older man hold books
for him was acceptable, if not ideal. Eggsy didn't want to have to wait for
their next outing, or spend all of that time reading when they did get
together. "Let's do that, then. I wanna see what else they've got. More than
the basics that I got last time."
"Okay." Harry smiled, finding his spirits lifting. He finished his tea and
wrapped the rest of their sweets up in the boxes to take home. He held the door
for Eggsy as they left the shop and found the crowds on the street still light.
The trip to the book store didn't take long at all. It was just like the last
time they'd been there as Harry led Eggsy inside, only the sun had gone down
and there were a handful more customers milling through the aisles. Other than
that, it hadn't changed.
Eggsy kept close to Harry's side, smiling at the clerk when he glanced their
way. The store had changed out all the recent publications being featured at
the front and the endcaps, of course, but the aisles seemed to be much the
same. Eggsy tugged on Harry's sleeve, moving them back through the stacks until
they were some distance from the rest of the customers. Another tug, and Harry
was bending down closer while Eggsy beckoned and finally whispered in his ear.
"I'm, um. Lookin' for... stuff like what's in your basement, except not a super
long time ago. Do they even make stuff that isn't about Greece? Or books about
relationships that isn't a sex guide?"
Harry frowned. "You might be able to find books on relationships that aren't
just sex guides, but I'm afraid if you're looking for ones similar to the
collection I have, then you're not going to find much past the Victorian era. I
can think of a couple relevant titles, but little that isn't non-fiction and,
well, cloaked in ambiguity." He had to wonder how long Eggsy had thought about
this. He probably hadn't had the opportunity to go looking through book stores
like this while he'd been away, not unless he sneaked off on his own and
travelled through half the city, which Harry highly doubted, and if that was
the case, then it would have been on Eggsy's mind for a long time.
"Victorian would be fine, I guess, although it's still a little old. I just...
don't know much about a lot of stuff. More than the basics. I mean, there seem
to be a bunch of books about how to have sex, and people doin' biographies and
stuff, but I haven't been able to see or hear or much beyond... like, that
everyone goes to clubs, takes drugs, and picks random strangers to have sex
with. There has to be more than that, but I can't find information about
different stuff, or things I really want to know about." Eggsy glanced at the
bookshelves around them. The stacks nearby weren't even non-fiction, but lurid
novels that seemed to be much the same as the paperbacks his mother had
enjoyed, albeit with different genders inside.
"Ahh. You might want to branch out into the regular gay variety, then," Harry
suggested, walking them down an aisle. "Admittedly, relationship topics are
somewhat harder to find outside of autobiographies. People like reading about
the erotic. And relationships can be...different for each of us."
They ended up in a non-fiction section and Harry let Eggsy peruse the shelves.
What it sounded like Eggsy was really looking for, he'd have to pick out for
himself. Harry scanned the titles for any that might be relevant, but it
quickly became apparent that method would involve some hunting.
Eggsy hunted and poked around, but ended up not finding much. He settled for
something that looked vaguely along the same lines of what he'd been looking
for - a history of gay culture at the turn of the century, and the major names
that had been noticed and prosecuted. Not exactly what Eggsy had wanted, but
close enough to the time period Harry had suggested that the boy was being
optimistic. He handed the volume over to Harry, chewing on his lower lip all
the while.
Harry looked it over and a small smile spread across his face when he realised
Eggsy had been looking for exactly what he'd thought the boy had been looking
for. "Ah, the Uranians."
Harry didn't hesitate to buy it for him. And Harry didn't particularly care if
anyone looked their way curiously. A boy Eggsy's age probably wasn't one of the
usual patrons of the shop, but then again there was no rule that children
weren't allowed. At first glance, Harry probably looked like a father
supportive of his son's interests. Or the other way around. If anyone thought
otherwise, there was little they could do.
Eggsy tucked the book under his arm once they were outside and Harry handed it
over. He still wasn't able to quite overcome the sense of embarrassment and
debt that surfaced every time someone else bought something for him, but it was
easier now with Harry. The Wilsons owed him nothing. Harry owed him everything.
"Do y'think I still gotta keep this at your place, or would it be safe enough
to bring back to my room?" Eggsy didn't want to give it up, but he also didn't
want to arouse any suspicions.
"If you can hide it or get the Wilsons to believe you bought it on your own
while you were out with friends, go ahead. It just wouldn't be appropriate for
me to have bought it for you, or even have taken you to this book store." Harry
opened the door for Eggsy, the gesture coming back to him now without even
thinking about it, before climbing inside himself. "If you'd like to tell them
you're more interested in men than women, I do think they'd react well. They
seem to be an open minded sort of couple, within certain boundaries."
Eggsy considered this while Harry turned the key in the ignition and pulled out
onto the street. The Wilsons did seem a sweet sort, and a bit more open than
his own mother had been. "I don't know if I wanna do that yet. 'Specially if I
don't know if I'm stayin' there or not. I don't want people knowin' that about
me if I'm not gonna stick around. It ain't none of their business anyways."
Eggsy opened the book and began to skim through the first chapter.
Harry drove them back to South Kensington. The drive wasn't very far, but Harry
wasn't hurrying. The quiet wasn't the wrong sort of quiet either. Eggsy
admitting to the dreams he still had about Harry lingered in the back of his
mind, but the boy sat next to him peacefully now, reading what he wanted to and
wouldn't be able to with anyone else. Harry played a lot of roles in Eggsy's
life, some of them in complete opposition to others. He may as well really have
been several people, all at once, just like Eggsy had felt when they'd come
together again.
Eggsy was mulling over the day all the while, only half paying attention to the
book in front of him. The content was interesting, but his mind was stuck on
Harry's reactions from earlier - the smile he'd had when Eggsy had admitted
what sort of books he was looking for, and the eerie conversation they'd had at
the opera, while Harry had been wrapped all in shadows and red light reflecting
off the stage. The memories were vivid and impactful enough that Eggsy knew
he'd be remembering them for quite some time.
They didn't have to park around the corner this time, but Harry did all the
same, not liking the thought of anyone looking out their window from the flats
above the street and catching a glimpse of them in the car.
Harry looked over at Eggsy and noted he hadn't turned the page in a while. The
boy's clear eyes, darker than they normally were at this time of night, met his
own, and Harry didn't want to say goodbye. "I hope you enjoyed tonight," Harry
offered, feeling like he was quietly stalling for time.
"Yeah, I did." Eggsy reached out to take his box of leftover treats from the
pastry shop. After a moment's hesitation and sizing up the dimensions of the
book, he set it aside. "I dunno if I can sneak this in tonight, 'cause they're
probably gonna see me at the door and ask about everythin'. "
Eggsy swallowed and looked back at Harry. Seconds ticked by, and still he
didn't move to get out of the car.
"I suppose you'll just have to pick it up next time." Harry glanced from the
book up to Eggsy. Their gaze held. Harry knew Eggsy could read him then. He was
practically an open book sitting there, leaning between them like he might stop
Eggsy from getting out if only they were a little closer. Harry swallowed back
an 'I'm going to miss you'. Eggsy already knew that and he didn't want to sound
like he was pressuring the boy. So he took a breath and tried not to glance up
at where the Wilsons' flat must stand around the corner. "Well then. I suppose
this is goodnight."
"Yeah, I guess so." Still, Eggsy didn't move. He didn't look away either. Both
of them were held enthralled by the other, trapped by everything unspoken.
Eggsy was searching Harry's face, looking for something beyond the sentiments
he already knew were there. "Um... Harry?"
The corner of Harry's mouth twitched upwards. It was nice to see that he wasn't
alone in this, that Eggsy didn't take the opportunity to leave when it was
given, that he might really be tempted to stay just as much as Harry was
tempted to ask him to. And how hopeful the boy's eyes looked. "Yes?"
Eggsy glanced outside their car, checking for observers. When he didn't spot
anyone, he unbuckled and darted forward and up. The kiss was brief, little more
than a quick press of soft lips against Harry's own, and then Eggsy sat back in
his seat. "Thanks for... y'know. The opera and things. It was nice." The boy
pulled a face. "Never thought I'd really be glad about goin' to the opera,
truth be told. But it's kinda like musicals, even if it's in another language
with funny singin'."
Harry broke into a wide smile. "I'm glad to have broadened your horizons." He
reached up and stroked his thumb over Eggsy's lower lip, appreciating the kiss.
Harry would have bent in for another if he could be certain they wouldn't be
seen, but Eggsy had been daring enough already. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. And
the rest of the night. And if you'd like to go out again, next time you can
decide what we do. I'm only a phone call away."
"Okay. I'll think about it." With another tone of voice, that might have been
taken as a subtle negation, but Eggsy sounded considering. It didn't seem to be
a matter of if he'd call to go out again, but when and where. The boy clutched
his box of treats and finally twined his fingers around the door handle. "I...
guess I'll see you later, then. G'night, Harry."
Eggsy opened the door and slipped outside, waiting just long enough to hear
Harry's murmured reply before shutting it and starting the walk home. He didn't
look back. He didn't need to.
Chapter End Notes
     Join is this Saturday (6/11) for the Dark_Kingsman_Block_Party!
***** Chapter 45 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
The next several weeks saw Eggsy calling Harry not often, but more regularly.
Harry took the boy out twice, and true to his word, let Eggsy decide where they
went. There was no more opera, but Harry was no less pleased. Eggsy hadn't
needed to tell the Wilsons he'd be going out with Mr. Talbot again either.
Harry picked him up on the weekend and their days only lasted until nightfall,
so it wasn't difficult to use the excuse of seeing Eggsy's old friends. They
both knew there was a time limit on that, but for the moment it worked.
Eggsy's progress with the tutor became more difficult as they really got into
the material he'd missed and he began to get homework, but Harry kept telling
him to stay on track and not let himself fall behind every time they saw each
other.
It wasn't until weeks later that Eggsy finally came back to Harry's house.
"Are you sure about that tutor?" Eggsy asked once he was inside and closing the
door behind himself. "I get I need to catch up, but I've never had a teacher go
so fast before. I mean, he explains things a bit more when I ask questions, but
the homework is killin' me. I feel like I'm doin' more school now than when I
was in school."
Eggsy toed off his sneakers and shrugged his backpack onto the floor by the
sofa. "I don't hardly get any free time, I'm doin' so much stuff. An' the
Wilsons are always asking me how things are going. I don't know what to tell
them, 'cause I think it's goin' fine, but I don't really know if I'm gettin'
anywhere or not."
Harry came out of the kitchen with two steaming mugs of tea. He'd already set
out biscuits on the coffee table in preparation for Eggsy's arrival. "You
probably are doing more work than you were when you were last in school. You
are catching up, after all. But the important thing is that you do manage to
understand what you're going through before you have to move on. If you don't,
then we'll need to get him to slow down or try other methods."
Harry set down their tea, but he didn't go for the couch. He reached out and
wrapped Eggsy into his arms for a hug instead.
Eggsy huffed out a sigh and returned the embrace. His forehead rested against
Harry's chest. "I know I gotta catch up, but I want a break now and then. It's
hard to get used to doin' so much when I ain't been doin' anything for a
while." Eggsy paused for a moment, perfectly content to stay exactly as he was.
"...did you find school hard, when you were there? You've told me a bit about
when you were in school and younger, but not a lot. What were you like?"
Harry gave a soft snort. "I was...not the model student, no, but I pulled
through. I enjoyed the time at school with my peers more than the work. So if I
made it through, then I'm sure you can." Harry smiled down at Eggsy, not so far
down as the first times they'd hugged like this, but fondly all the same. He
rubbed Eggsy's back before letting the boy go. "It won't be so bad once you get
used to the schedule, I should hope." Harry moved to the couch and picked out
one of the biscuits.
"I don't got any peers, though. It's just me." Eggsy flopped down on his side
of the couch, rather more roughly than Harry would have preferred. The boy
turned on his side and gave Harry a calculating look. "An' that ain't
everything I asked. I wanna know what you were like besides just school. I
don't just wanna know more about you as you are right now, although that's
important too."
Harry raised a brow. "You want to know about me when I was your age?" he
clarified. He hadn't been expecting such a request. He knew Eggsy had wanted to
come over, just to talk and see Harry, and the night was supposed to be more
low key than their previous outings had been, but he hadn't expected that. He
set down the biscuit, thinking. "I suppose I was like a lot of boys at that
age, only I grew up in a wealthy family. Old money, as you'd probably guessed,
and as soon as I was old enough I spent a lot of time away at school. We would
have been very different, in those respects."
"I don't know what that means though. I mean, I've met posh people, but I don't
know what living in a family like that is like besides the stuff on the telly.
I know you stayed at school, instead of coming home every day, but I don't know
what that would have been like. I saw some of the pictures when Lan-... Merlin,
whatever his name really is, showed me an older photo album." Eggsy snatched up
a couple of biscuits and his mug, doing his best not to spill crumbs all over
the couch.
"Oh? Were those the ones you found in the garage? I don’t remember him having
any of my childhood photos…” Harry wrinkled his brow in thought. He wouldn't
really put anything past Merlin though. And he could imagine Eggsy cherishing
such a thing. Harry leaned back against the couch and turned to face Eggsy
comfortably. If Eggsy wanted to settle in on this topic, he didn't mind.
"They weren't of you as a kid. Maybe at Uni or somethin'." The mention of
letting Merlin have private items turned Eggsy's mouth dry, and suddenly the
boy's thoughts turned in another direction entirely from what he'd been
pondering on the way over. He frowned and buried his nose in his tea mug for a
few seconds. There shouldn't have been any reason to be nervous, but they'd
never openly spoken about this, and Eggsy didn't know what to anticipate.
"...Harry? H-how... Um, I mean, I know Merlin knew about us because he helped
you, obviously. But he seems to be the one that's good with cameras, which... I
figured, that means he helped you set things up. And probably saw things, if he
was helping run everything. Right?"
Harry sat very still. "That's right."
Harry had wondered if Eggsy would ever bring this up. He was sure to have
worked it out, at least the basics of what Merlin had access to. And Harry
didn't know specifically of what they'd talked about together, but he'd
wondered if Eggsy had accused Merlin of watching them when the two came face to
face again back at headquarters.
"I... why did you let him? Why did he even-... I mean, it was one thing when it
was you watchin', not when I was back at my mum's, but later. It wasn't nice,
'cause I got no privacy and I didn't know you were doin' it, but at least I was
ok with you seein' me. I didn't know him and didn't even really like him much."
Eggsy clutched his mug tightly and tried to keep breathing. Forcing the words
out was more difficult than he'd thought it'd be. "I figured, later on, he had
to be watching too. To help you out, and cover for you, and because he knew so
much. But I don't really... know how much. Even when he was bein' nice to me,
he never seemed interested like you. I don't really know how I feel about it
all, honestly."
Harry nodded slowly. "I know this is hard to understand... I know you don't
like him very much...." Harry frowned and shifted on the couch. "Merlin and I
have worked together for a long time. He's saved my life more times than I can
count. He is my eyes, my ears, my...saving grace, if you will, whenever I go
out into the field. This has been my life for so long that I trust him
implicitly. In the beginning it didn't even occur to me to keep him out when I
needed his help. After we...became close, I thought more on how you would feel
about that, knowing he was watching. I knew you wouldn't like it. I knew that
from the beginning, admittedly, but I did think more on it as time passed. But
I might as well shut out half my own mind. I know you don't see it that way.
You've never seen us work. We seem like two entirely separate people to you,
but sometimes Merlin acts as an extension of myself. And sometimes I act as an
extension of him."
"But have you shut him out? I mean, you've showed me there's no cameras in here
before, and you said you weren't going to put any back in and turn them on. So
he's not watchin' us anymore, right?" Confirmation of what he'd long-guessed
wasn't pleasant, but not as devastating as it had once been. Eggsy had thought
about all of this for some time on the long nights after he'd run away, living
while dodging as many cameras as he could. He'd suspected the worst for so long
that it wasn't a shock that Merlin had seen everything, but Eggsy still didn't
know what to do about that confirmation.
"No, he's not watching us anymore. He'd seen us back at HQ, but there's nothing
turned on at the house anymore." Harry's voice was clear, but somewhat
monotone. Even he could hear the flatness in it. Having to confirm Eggsy's
suspicions wasn't pleasant, but the truth was that he didn't really want to
shut Merlin out like Eggsy did. Eggsy didn't know what the man got out of
seeing them together, and Harry doubted he'd understand it the same way Harry
saw it if he tried to explain, no matter how many metaphors Harry threw in.
Eggsy flushed a deep red as he stared down into his mug. He hadn't considered
that Harry might have cameras in his room at headquarters, although perhaps he
should have. He'd only factored in that security cameras would be in the halls,
and that anyone viewing them would assume he was the worried adopted son going
to check in on his father. He’d assumed Landon could delete those if it looked
suspicious. "Why? Why would- He didn't have to watch then, it wasn't like he
was stumblin' on it, like checkin' the feeds in your house to make sure I was
still clueless." All the more humiliating to remember his interactions with
Merlin afterwards, and the discussions in his office. Anger flared up, and he
glared at Harry. "Maybe you feel like he's part of you, but I don't."
Harry frowned, but didn't otherwise move. Here were the barbs he'd known would
come and yet somehow still had hoped wouldn't. "What would you like me to do,
Eggsy? I'll keep the cameras in the house off as you've asked, but I have no
control over what he does anywhere else." Harry knew he couldn't win this
battle, if there was a battle. Merlin would do as he always did; he didn't care
what Eggsy thought of him, but Eggsy would only resent Harry for it.
"Why? If he's your friend, won't he listen to you? Or do I gotta ask him not to
watch me?" Eggsy couldn't believe it. If Harry was close with Merlin, like he
said, he couldn't imagine a good friend just ignoring him when Harry asked him
something important. The only other possibility the boy could think of was that
Harry didn't want to ask Merlin to stop, which only raised more questions.
Harry shook his head. "As his friend, he'd know I'd never ask that of him."
Eggsy's brows drew together and Harry sighed. "You have an idea of how
reclusive I was before you got to know me? Merlin is even worse than I am. I
still went out and talked to people on occasion. Even if I never let them
close. When I wanted...certain kinds of relief, I would go out and find it.
Merlin doesn't. He has his cameras, and those are nearly his only connection to
other people."
"So it's not important enough for you to ask him to stop watchin' me without my
permission," Eggsy groused. "It ain't my fault if he's a shut-in. Although I
guess it makes sense now why he always seems jealous around me, even if he's
tryin' to hide it. Maybe it ain't me he's watchin', but you."
"I have less qualms over letting him watch me than I do you, as that is my
decision," Harry pointed out. He watched the boy's face scrunch up and his
mouth set, watched Eggsy's posture turning in on himself, and Harry knew Eggsy
wouldn't like this situation. But there it was all the same. Harry wasn't going
to shut Merlin out of his life.
"I don't get it." Not only did Eggsy not understand, he wasn't happy about it.
He couldn't imagine letting any friends of his watch everything he did in his
most private moments. Moreover, while it wasn't his place to tell Harry what he
could and couldn't do, he wasn't happy that Harry let Merlin watch Harry at
other times either. "...it feels like cheatin'. Not exactly cheatin', but
sorta, you lettin' him watch you."
Eggsy set down his mug on the coffee table and leaned forward, clasping his
hands between his knees. He could feel Harry's eyes on him. "So you ain't gonna
tell him to stop watchin' me if he gets a chance. Will he stop if I tell him
to?"
"Probably not." Harry still didn't move. "If I leave the house cameras off,
he'd leave it be. But he's not going to let much else restrict him." Harry
watched Eggsy's knees tighten against his hands and thought for a long moment.
"When you were gone, we were both frustrated. I wouldn't move on. I was moping
and depressed and I'd dump all that on him to listen to. I wouldn't look for
other boys and it left him with little to watch and a lot of stress to lend an
ear to. I thought...I thought maybe that even if I wasn't interested in moving
on, that he and I could...." Harry shrugged, not knowing how to put the rest of
that sentence into words Eggsy would understand. "Well, it didn't work. I'm not
going to run off with Merlin. We're not a good match in that way. But in what
we have now, in our work and in our personal projects, we are."
Eggsy turned towards Harry with an incredulous look. He couldn't have said what
shocked him more about the revelation. "...okay, I don't think I wanna know
about that bit, just so long as you're not runnin' off. I still don't get why
he's gotta watch people, though. And what's with these personal projects you're
talkin' about? What are you doin'?"
Harry snorted softly, finding wry amusement in Eggsy's reaction. "You were
mine. That's why he helped me with all this. And his...." Harry thought for a
moment how to explain Merlin's projects without revealing too much about Merlin
he probably wouldn't enjoy Eggsy knowing. "His projects vary. They're closer to
the work I do for Kingsman, only Merlin decides what we focus on. Usually they
involve someone who's done something wrong, or is about to, getting taken out."
Eggsy paled. He knew Harry had killed for Kingsman quite a lot over the years.
The boy liked to hope that Kingsman stuck to certain principles, much as he
hoped MI6 did, but he had no way of knowing. "So he... finds bad guys and asks
you to take them out? What sort of stuff have they done wrong?"
Harry shrugged one shoulder. "Anything. Eggsy.... There are things I've done,
that I do, that you won't approve of. And I am pretty sure this is one of
them." Harry sat there impassively for Eggsy to inspect, but he knew the boy
wouldn't pick up much other than the tension that had been holding Harry's
posture together for the entirety of their conversation.
"So tell me. You said you were gonna-... Harry, I can't decide whether I wanna
do this or not if I don't know all of you," Eggsy protested, trying to catch
Harry's eye and get a real reaction. "Even the stuff I don't like. An' there is
stuff I don't like. I don't like that you won't tell Merlin to fuck off with
watchin' me, or that he watches you and you're okay with it, or that I can't
understand how things are between you two. You're worried again that bein' open
with me is gonna make me go away, but I'm tellin' you: hidin' everything from
me, and me findin' out later, is gonna make me go away. I ain't doin' all this
lyin' and sneakin' shite all over again."
Harry shook his head again. "Merlin's projects are not mine to tell. I'll tell
you my part in it, but if you want to know why he does what he does, you'll
have to talk to him. As for what I do in these projects, I kill people. I ruin
their lives. Or I allow them to ruin their own lives. It's always that they've
either done something wrong already that they pay for, or they make that choice
along the way."
"Isn't that a little... like those police stings, where they take people who
are fine and trick 'em into doing something wrong, then arrest them for doing
the things they prompted 'em to do?" Eggsy pulled a face. The people he'd run
with on the streets were always worried about that sort of entrapment, as it
was difficult to ensure a client wasn't really a bobby in disguise. "Was that
what happened to that one bloke in that video, you set him on fire?"
"In a way. That man had burned down several of his own properties, apartment
homes he owned of which several tenants died in, for the insurance money. I had
no involvement in that, just that the end he met was fitting. But you're not
entirely wrong either. Several people in these projects have met their own
downfall through taking up the offers I've given them, and you could easily
call that entrapment." The monotone hadn't quite left Harry's voice, but it was
softer as he spoke now.
Eggsy's gaze sharpened. The boy was clever enough to realize what was going on.
In a way, Harry's attempts to protect himself from anticipated rejection was a
very good sign, as it meant he actually cared and was afraid of how Eggsy might
react... and yet was complying with Eggsy's demand for truth anyway.
"Harry. Harry, look at me." Eggsy waited for the man to do so, then moved. He
slipped underneath Harry's arm and resettled straddling Harry's lap, forcing
Harry's attention. "You're right. I don't like the entrapment bit, an' not
knowing if these people actually were bad enough to deserve what they get. But
I like it more that you're actually tellin' me stuff."
Harry frowned at the boy in his arms. If Eggsy intended to throw him off with
this display of affection, gratitude, possibly even acceptance, then it was
working. Harry's brows knit together and he didn't know what to say. His hands
settled over the small of Eggsy's back and he searched the boy's face. Eggsy
seemed open. Seemed like he wasn't rejecting Harry or about to demand something
Harry didn't want to offer, but Harry still wasn't sure he could predict how
Eggsy was taking all this new information.
"That's good to hear," Harry said finally.
"I'd rather you tell me stuff than not," Eggsy repeated, just to make certain
that Harry understood him. "I don't know what to think about all of it yet. Or
that you probably won't change anything, just like you won't tell your friend
to stop watchin' me outside of the house. I'm really not happy about that, no
matter how much you think of him as part of you, 'cause I don't. But this is
all stuff I gotta know."
Harry nodded. Not for the first time, he appreciated Eggsy's stability in the
face of stress. He had more fortitude than any other child Harry had ever met.
And sometimes Harry wondered if what he'd put Eggsy through had anything to do
with that.
"And I'm willing to tell you." Harry mustered a small smile and lifted a hand
to the nape of Eggsy's neck. He didn't say it aloud, but Harry would try to
find a way for Eggsy and Merlin to coexist with both of their interests in him
and with as little harm to the other as possible. "But thank you. For hearing
this through without... Well, without too much judgement."
"There's still judgment, but I ain't kickin' you to the kerb, if that's what
you're thinkin' about," Eggsy countered. "I want you to tell me stuff without
constantly... feelin' like you gotta hide it and manipulate me, or else I'll
leave. Maybe I'll like it, maybe I won't, but findin' out you're lyin' to me
again will make me leave a lot quicker than me not likin' you playin'
vigilante, or bein' pissed that you won't yell at your friend to stop spyin' on
me."
"Well then. Here we are. You now know how much Merlin has been involved, albeit
from the sidelines, and that not all my work is as noble as you'd like it to
be. What else would you like to know?" Harry would give him answers, but he
couldn't bring the smile back to his face. Not even an ironic one. But still he
held Eggsy close, his hands once again loosely clasped around the boy's back.
Eggsy thought. Harry opening himself to questions was a golden opportunity, and
now that Eggsy had the chance, he felt overwhelmed trying to narrow down
everything that he wanted to know. "I still wanna know what you were like when
you were younger. I wanna know if you ever tried to fix stuff for my mum, after
you messed her up to get at me. I wanna know if you ever went after any of my
friends to get me, or after I ran away. I also wanna know how you started
bein'... friends or whatever you are with Merlin, 'cause I don't think that's
somethin' normal from just workin' together."
"It was through work," Harry countered. "We don't exactly have the usual
workplace boundaries, although for years, for very, very many years we were
nothing but professional with each other. It's.... After that amount of time,
you come to notice things about someone. You notice absences, too. We
implicitly trusted one another in the field. I trusted him to lead me and he
trusted me to act. We knew so much about each other, but when you know someone
like that, you notice when there are gaps in your knowledge. I never let on to
my...sexual proclivities, and he never revealed his projects outside of work.
The thing is, after that long I knew I could trust him because he never asked.
And then the time came when I needed his help, and I revealed that part of
myself and I was met with no judgement. He simply helped me. In return he came
to trust me with his own personal matters." Harry offered a tight smile. "As
for the rest.... I did try to help your mother as I promised I would. I put her
through one of London's best rehab clinics, but it didn't stick. I knew you had
gone to a friend's house when you ran away, but I didn't do anything to him or
his family, nor any of your other friends. Even the care home you went to for a
short time, I visited them, but I never caused them any harm."
"Good. Good, I..." Eggsy sighed and briefly hid his face in his hands. He'd
wondered and worried, but never dared check up on anyone but his mother after
he'd left. "I didn't know if I'd ended up leadin' them into trouble, since I
didn't know what you were gonna do. I guess it ain't your fault if my mum
didn't wanna get better. Maybe she thought there was no point anymore, with me
and dad gone."
"So you... it sounds like you only got closer after you needed help. Was that
with gettin' someone else, or comin' after me?"
"That was getting to you in the first place, years ago." Harry smiled more
easily. "It was new territory for all of us, I suppose. He tried to help me
move on after you left, but I wouldn't have it. It wasn't out of any anger
towards you, mind, he just wanted me to move on for the sake of my own well-
being." Harry's thumb brushed over Eggsy's spine. His hands were there and they
might as well enjoy the small touches they could. It relaxed him. "As for what
I was like as a boy.... How does one sum up one's childhood? I had money and a
family who were more distant than not, but I enjoyed my time at school where
the professors were open minded and so were many of the students and we could
get away from the stuffy old society life for a while. And then I learned to
become distant myself as I grew up."
"So you didn't know your parents very well? Or they just didn't do things with
you much?" Eggsy could understand a bit of that. Michelle had tried very hard,
but being a single mother with extensive problems of her own and a lack of
understanding had put a wedge between them that had only gotten wider over
time. Eggsy shivered at the feel of fingers drifting up and down his back and
tried not to let it derail his thoughts. "Did you get more distant 'cause
that's what everyone did? Or was it 'cause you decided to become a spy? Or was
it, um. 'Cause you liked people like me?"
"Mainly the latter," Harry admitted. "I knew my parents. I saw them every
summer while I was in school, but they were distant in their nature. I had
always been friendly with the staff as a boy, but as I got older.... It's funny
how one detail can affect so much. Before I was out of school I realised my
life was going to have to involve a great deal more privacy than that of my
classmates. I'll never know for sure whether that had anything to do with me
being offered the chance to work for Kingsman. My family had connections with
one of the previous knights, but that's no guarantee their children would ever
be given the opportunity. Whatever the case was, by the time I turned eighteen
I already knew I'd have to be very good at keeping secrets."
Eggsy's gaze turned downward as he considered this. He'd had thoughts, not
exactly like Harry's, but of a similar nature not all that long ago, right
about the time they'd met. Once Eggsy had started to realize that he was
different, and what society thought about people like him, and the sorts of
choices he was going to have to make. He'd have to make his entire life one
unhappy lie for safety and security, or risk himself by being himself. "Were
you worried about people findin' out? Or what you'd be able to do in your
life?"
"Of course I was." Harry watched Eggsy's eyes follow him, hanging on his words.
"It stays with you every second of the day. You can't forget the distance
between yourself and the people around you, and what they'd do if they knew."
Harry closed his eyes. "So you learn to lie. Or pretend it doesn't exist. And
then you can forget about it whilst in the company of others for five, ten
minutes at a time, perhaps. But never for very long." When he opened them
again, he found Eggsy studying him with a frown. "You know what that's like
already, don't you? In a slightly different context, and I don't mean just with
things between us. When I first met you, you were worried about what would
happen if you were gay."
"Yeah. But I mean, I can't get married to another bloke here for real, and
there's all kinds of problems, and people tryin' to fire you from jobs or beat
you up and stuff. But it looks like there are other places where things are ok,
even if I'm gay, or else that bookstore wouldn't be around. I'm still scared
about what could happen, but it might end up bein' ok." Eggsy's frown deepened.
"Nobody thinks you're ok, though. Well, 'cept me. And I guess Merlin."
"Pretty much." Harry shrugged. "As you can see, I've gotten used to it. My life
is built around privacy now. I don't need the world to know my name, nor do I
particularly want them to. I'm happy with the work I do for Kingsman instead.
But like you said, you'll have other options someday." Harry lifted a hand to
stroke his fingers over Eggsy's cheek. "You'll get to decide what you'd like to
do with your own life, and I'd like you to have as many doors open to you as
there can be."
Eggsy's expression turned downcast. The more he thought about it, the more he
couldn't imagine living like Harry did. "I don't see how you could've gotten
used to it. Don't you ever get lonely? Want to make friends?" Eggsy considered
this, then shot Harry a look. "Friends that don't want to film you or have you
kill people?"
A laugh broke out of Harry's throat at that. "Friends aren't supposed to make
you feel alone. Merlin's been more of a friend to me than the vast majority of
people I have ever met. I don't care whether he films me or asks me to kill for
him. I'm not a very decent person all the time, but I can be a good friend. And
that's better than being alone, or having to pretend for people who wouldn't
approve."
Eggsy opened his mouth to protest, then closed it. Harry had been mostly decent
to him, except when he'd been very, very indecent, and Eggsy wasn't going to
deny those hurts. The boy supposed that when you were so alone for so long,
perhaps you were more willing to accept anyone else who accepted you. "I still
don't get it. And I still think that's weird an' more'n a bit creepy."
Harry really did smile that time. "Mhmm. It is weird. And creepy. Most
definitely." But he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Eggsy's lips, soft and
mostly chaste, but pleasant all the same. "But if you think I'm being taken
advantage of, I can assure you I'm not. This goes both ways between myself and
Merlin. And I hope you'll trust me when I say that much."
"It's a bit of that, and just..." Harry's fingers started to move again,
trailing along Eggsy's spine, and the boy found it more difficult to
concentrate. "I guess I can't tell you not to be friends, 'cause that ain't
fair, but I don't like the idea of sharin' you like that. 'Specially with
someone I don't know at all, and who doesn't care what I think."
Harry hummed. "You could always get to know each other. You've always danced
around one another without ever really getting along. He would care what you
think if you became a part of his life, if you actually liked him and were
willing to spend time with him without judgement. Or you could leave each other
be."
Eggsy frowned and stiffened just a little bit. "I don't like him floatin'
around and me not knowin' what he's like or up to. I don't know what I think
about gettin' to know him neither. It's a bit hard to really want to get to
know a bloke when you find out he's been watchin' you like a pervert. No
'ffense."
Harry's smile pulled into a grimace. "Understandable, but...you'll either have
to come to an agreement between yourselves somehow, or you'll have to leave him
be. He does mean very much to me as a friend, and that's not going to change."
Harry hated giving this sort of ultimatum to Eggsy, but he couldn't do much
more than that. Merlin would never hurt Eggsy. Harry would never allow it, and
Merlin would never cross that line, but Harry couldn't stop the man from
watching.
Eggsy nodded, looking none too happy about it. He wanted to throw a fit and
demand Harry not talk to Merlin anymore, but he believed Harry when he as much
as said that he was never going to break off that friendship. Possibly he
couldn't. He had to work with the man and entrust his life to him, and besides
that, Merlin knew enough to be able to really hurt Harry if he was crossed. "I
guess I gotta talk to him, then."
Harry stroked Eggsy's back in what he hoped was a soothing gesture. "You don't
have to if you don't want to. He may watch where he can, but I would never let
him hurt you, and he's never been inclined to go against my wishes on that
matter. ...if you try to talk to him without being open to any sort of
compromise or resolution, it's not going to work." Harry had seen the two of
them fight before. He'd seen them tentatively get along also, but they had a
tendency to swing back and forth.
"I thought you said he only hurts bad people, and he mostly makes you do it,"
Eggsy pointed out. Eggsy supposed that he didn't mind so much if they were
truly bad, except that by many people's standards, Harry would fall among them.
"An' what sort of compromise? You said he's gonna keep watchin' me regardless,
so there ain't anything for me to budge about, and I don't know what he could
give me for me to be ok with him following me around with cameras even when
you're no longer lookin' for me."
"See now that's the sort of thing that makes me think you're not going to get
anywhere if you do talk to each other. And I said he usually only hurts bad
people." Harry frowned and Eggsy didn't look any happier. "I don't know what
kind of compromise could be made. I don't believe he'll stop watching you when
he can unless he has good incentive to. Right now I see you both sitting down
with each other and neither of you willing to budge. You can talk to him and
try, but you should keep that in mind."
"I don't know what'd be a good incentive to get him to stop watchin' me." Eggsy
wrapped arms around himself, trying to merge the memories he did have of the
man with the bad ones. Merlin had protected him, and tried to comfort and
distract him. He'd taken Eggsy out places he thought he might like to go. He'd
protected Harry and come to rescue them during the escape from the warehouse.
But Merlin had also lied to him, had a short temper, helped Harry manipulate
him, and watched him in secret. And now Harry was telling him that sometimes
Merlin did hurt people who weren't bad, and that he wouldn't simply stop
watching when asked. "Who's he hurt that wasn't bad?"
Harry sighed, knowing Eggsy wasn't going to like this. When he spoke, he chose
his words carefully and didn't stop stroking Eggsy's back. "Usually people
caught in the crossfire of who he's really after. It doesn't happen often, but
it has happened on occasion. Then there are the people who had the potential to
be drawn into doing things they'd regret. People who started out innocent, or
had an inclination they chose not to take too far, until they were given the
opportunity."
Eggsy frowned. Harry was making it all sound like things he'd heard on the
telly, with comments about collateral damage when favoured armed forces caused
horrors they didn't mean. "What d'you mean, caught in the crossfire? Like he
goes after someone bad and their girlfriend or something gets shot during the
fight? Either someone is bad or they ain't. I dunno about this whole innocent
business, but people do stuff or they don't."
Harry shook his head, knowing he was about to speak damning words. "Not quite
so literally. It is very rarely, if ever, that we kill someone we didn't mean
to. We were once after a budding sadist, for example. The man had the
inclination and the desire was strong enough, but he'd never gone too far
before. We saw to it that he did. He took another's life with the help of my
encouragement, and then he was sent to prison."
Eggsy went pale and still. Wide eyes were turned towards Harry. "Wh-what?
You... you mean, to make sure he was caught, you made sure he killed someone?
And you just, like... picked out someone and made sure he got 'em? How's that
fair? Couldn't you just kill the bastards before they hurt anyone? How come you
just pick to let people die?"
Harry closed his eyes and then forced them open again, nodding. "Because Merlin
asked me to."
Eggsy was right. Harry could have killed that man before he'd hurt anyone.
Harry himself could have played the victim in that scenario even, and then
turned it all around at the very end. But that wasn't the point. That wasn't
what Merlin wanted to see. The ruin would have been missing. Harry's hand
stilled on Eggsy's back. He wanted to tell Eggsy he was sorry for those deaths.
But it would be of little consequence.
Eggsy withdrew a little. His arms left Harry's sides and wrapped around
himself, and his gaze dropped. Harry saw a glimmer of tears rim the boy's eyes.
"Then he's an evil arsehole. Isn't he? Why are you even friends with him?
'Cause nobody else is alright with you? At least you ain't killin' anyone by
yourself, 'cause you want to. Right? He just wants them dead. 'Cause he's a
creep who can't stop watchin' people or wantin' weird stuff."
Harry frowned. When he spoke, he did so quietly. "Merlin may have asked me to,
but I still did it. You're being very careful to draw this line between the two
of us. And there are differences, I'll grant you, but I still did it, and he is
still my friend." Harry didn't try to reach out again. He watched Eggsy
swallow, the small tendons in his throat working as he took in Harry's words.
How Harry wanted to know what he was thinking, even though he could guess. More
than that, he wanted to know if there could ever be any sliver of acceptance in
Eggsy's mind over something like this.
"Why? Why would you? Friend or not, I don't know if I could ever just set
someone up for bein' murdered 'cause they asked me." Eggsy felt dizzy and
faint. He remembered the times Merlin had been kind and soft-spoken towards
him, when he hadn't been angry. He remembered all the soft, tender moments
between himself and Harry. Eggsy found it hard to reconcile the two with the
knowledge that both men had planned and executed murders, even if the actual
perpetrators got punished afterwards.
"Kingsman has general codes of ethics. I do follow them, and it does mean
something to me." Harry drew a deep breath. "But I have been in this business
for a long time now. It doesn't...phase me any longer." Harry's hand brushed
against Eggsy's side, unsure if his touch would be welcomed as comfort or if
Eggsy would pull away. What was more, he didn't know if this, too, would be a
breaking point in Eggsy's opinion of him, and their relationship in turn. Eggsy
could be tough, but he had a kind heart.
"So they don't care? You don't care, if someone good gets killed, so long as
you get what you want?" Eggsy flinched. He wasn't afraid of Harry hurting him
anymore, at least physically, but his mind shied away from the idea of Harry
and his friend killing innocents to lure bad people into traps. "Or your
friend, I guess. You want someone to like you so much that you'll kill people
for it, or do you like doin' it too?"
"I have very little feeling about it. Or I have chosen not to, would be more
accurate. I know what I did to that man was a terrible thing. I didn't enjoy
ending his life. But I did enjoy watching Merlin. I did enjoy doing it for
him." Harry tried and failed to think of a way to explain it better. "As
annoying as I've been, I believe he felt the same way about helping me, which
was...partially why he watches. He's become somewhat invested in us."
Eggsy watched Harry with a broken look. He was confused, repulsed, and more
than a small hint of fear was creeping back into him. "He likes watchin' that
sort of thing, and you like watchin' him havin' fun. So you did it for him. And
he helped you, even knowin' you were hurtin' me and my mum. Was that 'cause he
was returnin' the favor for you helpin' him kill people, or 'cause he likes
watchin' people get hurt?"
"He was doing it as a favour to me. I doubt he had any investment in your
mother getting hurt. That was...simply a means to an end in getting you."
Harry's gaze dropped, watching Eggsy's posture grow more rigid. He thought that
maybe if he didn't hold the boy's eyes for long, he might not be so
intimidating. Harry was grasping at straws to salvage even a bit of this
conversation. "He was never invested in hurting you, either." Harry couldn't
help it though, he looked back up into Eggsy's eyes.
"But he likes hurtin' other people. Just not me, for some reason." Eggsy found
the notion hard to believe. Harry was reserved, almost timid and afraid in his
avoidance, and it didn't matter. Eggsy felt full of fire and ice at the same
time. "Is that how you both reason through stuff? Means to an end, that sort of
thing? It don't matter what happens so long as you get what you want?"
"That was generally the principal of it, yes," Harry said. His voice went flat.
"I knew you would mean something more to me even from the very beginning. But
what I was willing to do to get to you...." Harry sighed, unable to wipe away
the furrow of chastisement in his brow. "Merlin is different. But I am his
friend and I mean something to him, and so he never mentioned getting any
enjoyment out of targeting you or your family in that way. If he considered it
at all, he must have put the idea aside."
"Oh, that makes it better. Maybe he was having fun but he decided to politely
not mention it." Eggsy stared back at Harry, who was still making himself so
carefully blank, and felt all the more angry that Harry was trying to shield
himself. As far as Eggsy was concerned, he deserved to feel every bit of the
anger and chastisement. "So anything goes, so long as you're friends. Do I get
that same deal? I get to ask for whatever I want and you'll agree, 'cause we're
friends and I mean so much to you?"
Harry's stillness changed. Instead of holding back, he looked into Eggsy's
eyes, straight into the boy. "You have no idea what I'd do for you," Harry
breathed. He meant it. He'd made himself stay away from Eggsy for so long, at
Eggsy's request, in spite of everything. But Harry had the sense that he would
do far more if Eggsy really wanted him to. It wasn't quite the same situation
as with Merlin. It was not the long camaraderie of working together, but
another kind of devotion. He only feared the boy would ask him to do something
about Merlin.
Eggsy stared hard at Harry, all sorts of thoughts flitting through his head. He
thought about everything that had happened, and all the people he'd met. People
who'd hurt and frightened him. People who had hurt his mother, or enabled her
downward spiral. Anger flared up again, and trickled out of the boy's mouth
before he could consider his words. "I want them gone. Dean and his boys what
worked for him. I can't make him never have hurt my mum, but I don't want him
hurtin' anyone else or sittin' on his arse in prison while my mum drowns
herself. Or for him to get out and try to get her back again. I want 'im gone."
Harry's brow furrowed for a split second before he realised what the boy must
have thought. "Eggsy, Dean is already dead. When I told you I'd take him out of
your life, I didn't mean sending him to prison." Harry didn't break their gaze.
He had no idea how Eggsy would react to this news, whether the boy really
wanted Dean gone like that or whether he'd just said it in a moment of spite,
nor did he know how Eggsy would react to Harry having taken such initiative
back then. Even though Harry had no other methods in mind when he'd made that
promise, Eggsy obviously had.
Eggsy's eyes widened in surprise and shock. He'd never considered that Harry
might have simply killed Dean out of hand, even when he'd been afraid of Harry
killing him. Eggsy knew he was what was considered a 'loose end', someone who
knew too much for certain people to be comfortable with him running free and
able to spill all the secrets people wanted hidden. Dean was a nobody in
comparison, someone who'd been convenient to manipulate to Harry's advantage.
There'd been no real need to get rid of him. "I didn't know. I thought you just
packed him off somewhere. Did you think I'd want him dead, or were you just
done with him?"
Harry shrugged one shoulder. "I had thought it would be most important to you
that he was simply gone and unable to come back. And I didn't want him having
any sway over you or your mother again. He needed to be out of her life
completely before she went to the clinic. Disappearing was a better option than
most." Harry moistened his lips and swallowed. Eggsy's shock spoke volumes. He
really hadn't known what Harry would do for him.
Eggsy nodded slowly, but Harry's words only sunk in gradually. From what he'd
said, it sounded more like Harry had killed Dean for Eggsy's benefit, rather
than to get rid of a tool that had outlived his usefulness. Strange, to
mentally adjust to the fact that all of the time Eggsy had wondered and worried
about where Dean or his friends might be, that the man had been in the ground
somewhere and unable to touch them ever again. "You ever do anythin' else like
that for me, that I don't know about?"
"Only one of your mother's boyfriends before Dean, the first one who hit her,
although I think you already knew that. And I didn't kill him, only roughed him
up a bit and sent him away with instructions not to return," Harry sighed.
"When you were gone, I didn't go after anyone you did business with. But if I
had found out any of them had ever hurt you...." Harry glanced down and his
thumbs came up to rest along Eggsy's thighs, barely a touch at all, but he
still wanted to feel even that much closer.
"You'll hurt anyone that hurt me, except you and your friend," Eggsy countered
quietly. "So what do I ask of you, then, to show that you're both sorry?" Eggsy
couldn't think of another wish, now that he knew Dean was gone and his mother
was, at least, saved from him if not from herself or a future boyfriend. Harry
had suffered, as Eggsy had seen in the warehouse, and yet the suffering wasn't
connected to what he'd done. Besides, Eggsy didn't really want to see Harry
like that again, so beaten down that he struggled to move and couldn't keep up
the hope that he was going to survive.
Harry opened his mouth, but it took a moment before words came out. "I don't
know." He didn't know if Merlin would ever be sorry. He doubted it unless the
man was somehow forced to stop working with Harry, and even still Merlin would
probably be more angry than regretful. "There are many ways you can make me
sorry, Eggsy. You can send me away, never speak to me again. You can leave even
if you accept my help, financially. But I'm not sure the same can be said for
Merlin."
"Bein' sad ain't the same thing as bein' sorry, you know. Leavin' would only
make you sad." Harry would mourn the loss of contact, as he had when Eggsy had
been living on the streets, but Eggsy doubted he'd be sorry. He'd as much said
that everything had been a product of the man's loneliness, obsession, and
alienation. Harry had had nothing, with the clock next to any opportunities
ticking down in his mind, and desperate people with nothing left to lose will
do anything to get a little slice of happiness. "I just don't feel like I can
do much. Like you win no matter what."
"Win?" Harry's expression finally broke. "You still think you're fighting with
me? Competing with me? Eggsy...if you don't 'win', then I lose no matter what.
You think I just missed you while you were out there and that's all that I
cared about? Your life, your future, was gone because of me and I knew it. I
missed you terribly, but that wasn't all that I felt." Harry's wall of
composure was broken. His body longed to move but he couldn't.
"I am though!" Eggsy nearly shouted, and it make the following silence echo all
the louder. "I tried not thinkin' about you, not likin' you anymore. I tried to
hate you. I tried stayin' away as long as I could, an' that didn't last very
long. I tried to find someone else, only I kept comparin' things an'... I just
couldn't find anybody. I tried not thinkin' about you when doin' things, 'cause
I missed it and I guess I missed you too. I couldn't even resist even when I
was fuckin' pissed as hell at you and you were beat to hell and back and when
someone might've noticed. Or watched, 'cause I didn't even know how much stuff
was in your room there. I couldn't stop."
"I couldn't either," Harry's voice softened and he lifted his hands to frame
Eggsy's face, fearful for a moment to touch before they alighted over his ears
and gently stroked his hair. "You don't think I know it would be better for you
to leave me, to take what I can give you but live your own life with someone
who's never hurt you like I have? Why do you think I keep talking about it that
way? Or do you still believe this is all just a game for me and I'll never be
affected?" Harry had to stop to just breathe. He could feel how tense Eggsy was
under his hands. He wondered if the boy could tell how he was trembling.
"Isn't it? You could go just about anywhere and get someone else. Some of the
blokes I ran for even joked about that sort of thing, like I had t'be careful
in case someone took me along with their delivery. Or that I'd be worth more
than I made as a runner if they changed their business a bit." Eggsy's
shoulders hunched in defence. He felt short of breath and, rather than being
comforting, Harry's gentle touches set off Eggsy's nerves even more. For a
moment, the boy entertained the thought of what might happen if he balled a
fist up and punched Harry. "What am I, even, for you? And why me, when you
could've gone after anyone? You coulda even found someone that looked like me."
Slowly, Harry pulled his hands away. "I love you. I fell in love with you. I
might as well ask you why you never found someone else. Am I still attracted to
other boys like you? Yes. But have I any interest in searching one out? No."
Harry sighed. "When I tried, all I could think about was you. I haven't tried
again. I don't know when I'd be able to. It both comforts and pains me to hear
that you're in the same position, knowing how I've hurt you and that you're
unable to move on, still."
Eggsy sighed and stared up at Harry. "...well, least you're bein' honest so far
about everythin'. Far as I can tell, which is somethin'. I just sorta picked
you in part 'cause, I guess, you were there an' were just so close to a lot of
the stuff I was already thinkin' about, or once I started to like you I started
to like the other things I thought I'd never like. You picked me, though, and I
dunno why. You could've picked anyone."
Harry frowned. "You lingered on my mind. You were beautiful. Captivating.
Enough to want to watch you, and then...and then I started to fall. That must
seem like little more than chance from your perspective." He thought about it
for a long minute. "Perhaps it was. Perhaps it was a perfect chance that held
on just long enough to build into something far greater." He wanted to touch
Eggsy again. Here the boy was still sitting in his lap, but had put so much
distance between them. Distance enough to talk, enough to argue, and a part of
Harry was glad that Eggsy was capable enough to do that, but his instincts to
comfort the boy were nearly overwhelming.
"Watchin' me," Eggsy murmured to himself. His gaze shifted sideways as he
retreated into himself, pursuing that thought. After a few moments a spark
entered his eyes, and he turned back towards Harry with a suspiciously
determined look. "Y'know, we're still not equal on that. You've watched me way
more than I got a chance to watch you. And you sorta said you'd do a lot for me
if I just asked. So I'm gonna ask."
Eggsy's back straightened and he leaned forward, practically daring Harry to
look away or refuse him. "I want what you got, but for me instead of for you.
You can start with pictures, like the ones you took of me that time. I wanna
see more of the mission videos of you, if I can, if it ain't against some
Kingsman rules. I wanna see how different you are when you're bein' someone
else. And if your friend wants to start makin' things up to me, he'll hook up a
bunch of stuff in here I can control so I can watch you, just like you watched
me. He'll prob'ly even like doin' it, since you said he likes watchin' you so
much."
Chapter End Notes
     Join us this Saturday (6/17) for the Dark_Kingsman_Block_Party!
     Heads up, next week's chapter will be late.
***** Chapter 46 *****
Chapter Notes
     We're back!
     It's been a long time. We've had a lot of life and health
     difficulties while we were away, but we're getting into the schedule
     of writing again and hopefully you'll see more of this story as
     usual. As always, thanks for sticking with us.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Harry's eyebrows climbed higher and higher. "You want...not only to see what
mission footage I can pull together, but control over the cameras in my house?"
Eggsy only stared, daring Harry to back down, and Harry blinked, his mind a
whirl with the idea of it. It was fitting. And it also sparked something in
him, some little joy at the idea of Eggsy wanting to see him like that, even if
the boy was only doing it for revenge. Still, as Eggsy had said, he wanted to
get to know Harry and there were nigh insurmountable hurdles to being able to
do that without enough time and with Eggsy always second guessing him in
person. Harry swallowed. "I should be able to give you footage from completed
missions, jobs that are no longer ongoing and with no loose ends to tie up. As
for the house...all I'd have to do is turn on the cameras and have Merlin set
you up with a laptop and the operations program."
"An' they get turned off when I'm over here. I don't want him watchin' me here,
even if I can't keep him from bein' a creep when I'm walkin' around London,"
Eggsy insisted. "You got to know all sorts of things about me from watchin' me
all the time. I'm almost returnin' the favour, except I'm bein' nice about it.
I'm askin', and you're gonna know I'm watchin', if not when."
Slowly, Harry nodded. "Okay. We can do that." He wasn't sure if he was nervous
about Eggsy seeing him in his daily routine, even the most private moments, or
excited. Already Harry wondered whether Eggsy would see such a thing and think
about his time living at the house with Harry and going through those routines
together, or whether Eggsy would see Harry sitting about the house alone and
begin to think him pathetic. Harry had never thought of Eggsy that way, even
when the boy did the most ridiculous things thinking he was unobserved. Harry
could only hope for the first scenario. Either way, Harry couldn't deny Eggsy
this opportunity. "I'll collect what I can from Kingsman this week, and perhaps
then I can set you up with a laptop with those archives and access to the feeds
from the house."
"Yeah. We're gonna have to think of what to tell the Wilsons, though. They know
I didn't have a laptop with me when I came to live with them." Eggsy hadn't
thought Harry would agree so readily, and now he was thrown that he wasn't
going to have to fight for it, or have one more complaint to throw at Harry in
the heat of a moment. Part of the boy had only been able to think in terms of
pure revenge, having Harry feel the same insecurity and lack of privacy that
he'd had. Another part of him had insisted that observation might be one of the
few ways to be certain about who Harry really was; no one, no matter how
skilled, could maintain a lie all of the time. Harry might present himself in
certain ways when Eggsy was around, but the boy thought he might see different
sides of Harry if he got to observe him at other times, or when Harry hadn't
counted on Eggsy being able to see him at all. Instances like footage from
missions.
"We should be able to use the excuse of it being for your studies. I'll send it
along with your tutor and we can tell them I applied for its purchase with a
grant from care funding. They won't have to pay for it, and they won't have to
worry I did either." Harry watched Eggsy as the boy looked a little more
uncertain than he had before. Harry knew he wasn't arguing like Eggsy had
thought he would, but he didn't think that would help either. Eggsy may have
been angry and may have wanted to see Harry knocked down in order to feel like
he was indeed 'winning' something, but Harry didn't think actually being upset
would help anything between them in the long run.
"Alright. I guess that'll work. So long as you make it so I can hide that stuff
if they wanna check on what I'm doin' with it." Michelle had been nosy every
once in a while even when she'd known Eggsy was staying out of trouble. The
Wilsons didn't have reason to suspect anything, but that's what parental
figures did - they pried. Eggsy's chin lowered and his gaze settled somewhere
around Harry's collar, examining the juxtaposition of knotted silk and crisp
cotton against flushed skin. "...can I have some of the wine we used to have?
Or d'you think they'll notice when I get back?"
Harry huffed a laugh, as much for the relief of tension as for the incongruity
of Eggsy's request. "I think that would be fine, so long as you eat something
after to cover up any lingering aroma. And make sure you don't kiss anyone
goodnight," Harry added with a half-smile. He didn't really want Eggsy to get
off his lap, but he knew a change would be nice. Even a small bit of wine might
improve the mood. He rested his hand on Eggsy's lower back before allowing the
boy up. "I believe I still have some in the pantry."
Eggsy slid off and got to his feet, watching Harry rise gracefully and lead the
way towards the kitchen. Eggsy couldn't help the pang of envy that struck him.
Even when upset, Harry was so put together, sleek and controlled and elegant.
Eggsy felt a mess in comparison, and resentful for it. He wanted to see Harry
when he wasn't so controlled and well-shielded, both for his sense of equality
and to ease his own self-consciousness at how often Harry had seen him broken
down and in tears. "What d'you do when I'm not over here an' you're not
workin'?"
Harry glanced over his shoulder. "Usually the same things you'd remember me
doing while you were here. I like to read before bed, occasionally binge watch
some telly...." Harry found the bottle Eggsy was hoping for and came out of the
pantry with a small smile for the boy. "Fetch me the bottle opener, would you
please?" he asked, just to give Eggsy something to do. It occurred to Harry
that over the time they'd been apart there were things in his life that had
changed. "I confess I've had less personal pleasures. I take work home with me,
and sometimes I plan for Merlin's projects in the evenings. I hadn't been to
the cinema in ages before you came back."
Eggsy went around him, moving to the right drawer without hesitation. Only
after he'd opened it and drawn out the bottle opener did the boy pause and look
at the device in his hand. So long, and yet he still remembered where things
were. He could picture the whole house, more or less, if Harry hadn't moved
things around. "So you're bored? That's what it sounds like, if you're bringin'
work home and doin' projects so you've got something t'do. I can't imagine not
wanting to go to the movies. I missed that when I... couldn't, for a while. I
didn't get paid much, even after I stopped worryin' about you grabbin' me."
Harry's mouth pulled into a frown at that, but he accepted the bottle opener
from Eggsy. "Not a very lucrative business for the runners, I'd imagine," Harry
said before the bottle gave a loud pop and he reached for the glasses. "I don't
know if I'd say I was bored. Those were the things I kept myself occupied with,
and it worked. I was simply...in a state of limbo. Listless while constantly in
motion." He handed the cork to Eggsy to put in the jar with the others Harry
kept while a small part of him delighted that Eggsy still remembered all these
things.
Eggsy turned it over in his hands, enjoying the spongy feel of the wood before
rising up on the balls of his feet to reach the jar and drop it in. "So not
bored then, but sad? You just didn't want to do stuff? I was sad about
everything but I still wanted to go places. I couldn't, though. With all the
hidin' at first, but also not havin' much money or time to do stuff. I had to
wait around for the orders, then run the route as quick as I could, but it'd
still take a while. And then it'd be too late to go out, or too dangerous, and
I'd be tired. I slept whenever I could 'cause people were pretty noisy and
there wasn't much room, so I had to take the couch or whatever when it was
empty for a bit. It's actually been weird havin' a proper bed again and not
hearing people talkin' or a telly runnin' all the time."
"It sounds like they kept you very busy." Harry leaned against the counter and
offered a glass to Eggsy, the wine filled a little less than Harry's. He wanted
to reach out and touch Eggsy again, but settled for their fingers brushing as
Eggsy took the glass from his hand. He thought about all the times Eggsy could
have gotten into trouble, either with a client or one of his own, or even with
the police, and then Harry thought about what he was doing at the time and
didn't find it much better. Merlin had had to drag him out of near suicide
missions more than once. Harry took a sip of the wine, enjoying the light
flavour and the way it reminded him of the last time they'd shared it, and the
times before that. "Do you miss anyone you knew there?"
Eggsy thought for a few moments, but the long silence was answer enough.
"...not really, I guess. They weren't exactly mean to me, but I also know they
were makin' a lot of money. They could've paid me more, 'cept they knew I had
nowhere to go. Nowhere that wasn't worse, anyways. I saw some... stuff, at some
of the places I delivered to." Eggsy took a sip of his wine to try to wash the
bad taste out of his mouth, but wine wouldn't erase the sights and sounds from
his memory. "Sometimes I got to play cards with people, drink a bit. They
brought me back candy, or I nicked some while I was out and by a store. Nobody
was really a friend though. They didn't care about me or what happened to me,
just that I didn't get caught or robbed and lose their stuff or their money."
Harry nodded and stared into his glass. "You haven't had the kind of care you
should have had for a long time." He didn't want Eggsy to go through anything
like that again. He didn't want Eggsy to lose anyone else in his life, few
people as there were. He wanted Eggsy to have more, to find their way into the
boy's life and make it...the opposite of what Harry had done for him.
Intentions in the long run be damned, Harry had taken that kind of care from
him. Harry tried not to let it show on his face as he thought about it. They'd
been over this. Eggsy didn't need to hear it again. He just needed a few people
to actually care about him.
"Yeah, I guess, but that's been true for a while, ain't it? I mean..." Eggsy
frowned and leaned back against the counter. "Really, I had it best when I was
with you. My mum really tried, but it was too hard with it just bein' her by
herself, and not havin' any good jobs. And I know she spent too much goin' out
and drinkin', leavin' me home alone, although I know now it was probably 'cause
she was tired and wanted a break for a bit. Or maybe one of her shite
boyfriends talked her into it, I dunno. I just know everythin' could've been a
lot worse."
Harry bit his lip and stared at Eggsy. "You really think that? That in spite of
everything you suspect about my motives, you had it best living here, with me?"
He knew the boy had alluded to it, no matter how much he accused Harry of not
really loving him. Every time Eggsy talked about coming back, as though he
wasn't really thinking about it or as though he didn't realise how impossible
that would be if he believed deep down that Harry had just been using him for
one thing, Harry noticed.
Eggsy shifted uncomfortably. He could feel the weight of Harry's gaze settling
on him, and the boy didn't think Harry's surprise was feigned. "I... y-yeah.
You let me be myself and told me it was ok. I didn't have to worry about not
havin' enough to eat, or freezin' in the winter, or you bringin' home someone
that might hurt you or me or both of us. You were busy and probably tired but
you still took time to do stuff with me besides, y'know, sex and stuff. Even if
it wasn't a telly show you liked, or you didn't know nothin' about comics. You
did stuff to manipulate me, and lied and all that, but you... took pretty good
care of me, really."
Eggsy's voice grew quieter, and he spun the stem of his wine glass between his
fingers. He risked a nervous glance at Harry. "An' you keep sayin' that you
loved me. Or still do. I dunno. You at least cared. I got to see what happened,
on the street, with people who didn't care. What happened to kids like me. I
know you'd never do that kinda stuff to me."
Harry set his glass on the counter and took a step closer before he folded down
to his knee. Eggsy may well have rejected him for all they had just talked
about, but Harry's gut told him otherwise, and he couldn't stop himself
besides. He wrapped his arms around the boy and buried his nose in Eggsy's
chest, inhaling deeply. Eggsy was still familiar even with the scents of a new
home lingering on his shirt.
Harry pulled back a little and didn't know what to say. "I'm so sorry you had
to live like that," was what came out, even though a tiny voice in his mind had
wanted to say 'thank you'.
Eggsy floundered, briefly touching the older man's hair before leaning to set
his wine glass aside. He hadn't expected such a gesture, or been prepared for
the responding swell of emotion it prompted inside of him. "I... yeah. Can't
change it now. You can only make up for it." Harry was so close, kneeling so
that Eggsy was just a bit taller than him rather than being towered over. Eggsy
remembered all too well how dangerous Harry was, but in the warm light of the
kitchen and shortened like that, he looked soft. Eggsy set his palm against
Harry's cheek without even thinking, prompted by an impulse to touch.
A smile graced Harry's lips. He bent his head into Eggsy's hand, still so much
smaller than his own. "Yes. That is true," Harry said quietly. "You've grown up
a lot. You were always very smart. Very grown up already. I liked that we could
talk together about real things," Harry laughed, "You might not know how much I
liked that. But the things you've said to me these past weeks.... Eggsy, you've
been more resilient than most people I've ever met." He closed his eyes and let
the feel of Eggsy's palm ground him in the moment.
"I always could've talked about real things. People just never treated me like
a real person. I was just a stupid kid to them, except to you." Eggsy bit at
his lower lip, swallowing down a pulse of anger and sadness. "I didn't really
get much choice about the whole toughness thing. I just had to. I mean, I
could've stayed pissed about everything. I was stealin' stuff for a bit not
just 'cause I didn't get paid much as a runner, but 'cause I was just... mad.
Mad that everyone else was workin' things out and happy, that they could get
what they wanted and needed, that they didn't have to worry or deal with any of
the shite I was and did. It wasn't fair, so I took stuff, even if I didn't
really want or need it, 'cause it was takin' somethin' away from them so they
could feel a little disappointment and hurt for once. I dunno if I'm gonna stop
bein' angry for a while."
Harry nodded. He could understand that. He could understand why Eggsy would
want to hurt him, too, and why the boy might take that anger out on others when
Harry had been so far out of his reach. This plan Eggsy had come up with was
designed to do just the same. Not just to hurt Harry, perhaps, but to throw him
off, make him feel the way Eggsy had felt, and ultimately give Eggsy the same
power Harry had had.
Harry took the boy's hand from his cheek and pressed his lips to it in a chaste
kiss before he let Eggsy have it back. "I'd very much like it if you could be
happy again someday." If Eggsy needed some sense of control over Harry for that
to happen, then so be it.
"So do I," Eggsy murmured. He stared back at Harry in silence for a few
moments, taking in the older man's sincerity - or, at least, projected
sincerity. Eggsy remembered how harsh Harry could look when angry or focused,
as he had in the train yard or during their escape, but under the lights of the
kitchen Harry just looked soft and worn. Eggsy paused another heartbeat, then
stepped closer, nearly pushing Harry back. Kneeling as Harry was, Eggsy didn't
even have to strain upwards to kiss him and taste the matched hint of wine on
Harry's lips.
Harry relaxed into it. The pull was immediate. He didn't even think about it
but to make sure that Eggsy felt he was wanted, and that he was, indeed, loved.
His arms wrapped around the boy's back and held Eggsy there, gentle and firm.
They both breathed when they broke apart, but Harry didn't retreat far. Eggsy
knew Merlin wouldn't be watching him here, not now at least. Harry couldn't say
whether that made a difference in Eggsy's decision to kiss him in spite of all
the things they'd discussed, but he was grateful that the boy still wanted to.
He stroked Eggsy's hair and searched the boy's face. "Would you like to stay a
bit longer tonight?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I wanna stay a bit. You promise, though, you're gonna follow
through with everythin'? The cameras and stuff?" Eggsy was gunshy about
promises now, from anyone. He had little way of ensuring that Harry would truly
give him what he wanted - uncensored full-time access to view everything in his
home life, just as had happened to Eggsy for however many years Harry had been
spying on him and letting his friend tag along.
"Yes, I will, and I promise." Harry offered a small smile. "It won't take very
long. Then you'll be seeing me every day." His smile lightened at the end, and
again Harry wondered how Eggsy would feel about watching him. He certainly
remembered how he felt about watching Eggsy - a mix of love and longing and a
feeling of closeness even with the inability to touch. But Harry was used to
watching people on surveillance, and he wasn't Eggsy.
Still, the boy was here with him now. He'd get one more night. Every time Eggsy
came to him asking for more now, Harry thought of it as 'just one more night'.
One more night he may never get to have again.
===============================================================================
Merlin glanced up from his monitors at the sound of a polite knock. He
recognized the exact cadence, the force behind the rapping and the pause
between each impact. The corners of his mouth turned briefly upwards and he hit
the lock button he'd recently installed on the underside of his desk. "Door's
open. Come in." As expected, the handle turned and Harry slipped through the
door, closing it behind himself. Merlin hit the button again to ensure they
wouldn't be interrupted. "Something on your mind? I'm not quite ready for the
next project yet."
"Actually, I have a project for you." Harry noted the softness around Merlin's
eyes and a small smile lit across his face in return. "In somewhat of a
turnabout, we've had a request. One for archived footage of missions I've done,
any that rely heavily on my involvement, and...," Harry didn't know exactly how
Merlin was going to take the last part, but the next would likely be
understandable, "and for you to link up the cameras inside my house to a laptop
where they can be viewed remotely, of which I will then hand over to Egssy."
"...really." To any other eye, Merlin would have seemed unsurprised, even
bored. Harry knew better. "After being frightened by the footage he viewed, he
wants more of it? Are you certain that's entirely wise? Wiring up a system to
watch you sounds like simple turnabout for vengeance, and I can't imagine you
objecting to the boy wanting to see more of you, but I would have thought you
would have wanted to shelter him from the more graphic footage. Being told
about things and knowing they occurred is one thing, but watching is something
else entirely."
"That is the part I'm worried about," Harry admitted. He laid his hands over
the back of his usual chair and leaned against it, not quite relaxed enough to
sit and yet not quite comfortable standing in his usual straight backed
posture. "I had to tell him, what I could anyhow, about my work on your
projects. And he wants to know more. He's either going to decide I'm a
despicable person or he's going to come to some conclusion in between that and
what he thought of me before. The point is that I.... I can't tell him what he
wants to hear anymore. He won't believe it."
Merlin raised a brow, and his slight smile vanished. A stiffness entered the
set of his shoulders and back. "Ah. So he now knows the difference between
official assignments and the personal projects I've been sending you on? I
can't imagine that's going to make future interactions more pleasant. Of course
he won't simply trust your words, at this point. He wants proof and details to
validate what you're telling him. What I wonder is if he's entirely trustworthy
for such materials. It's both our necks, you realize, if he decides that the
content of those videos crosses the line of what he's willing to tolerate."
"He's asked for mission footage, Kingsman footage. Not your personal projects.
He said he wants to see how different I am when I'm being someone else. I
think...my word on our projects is good enough for him for now." Harry sighed.
He didn't know what he'd say if it came to that, nor what Merlin would allow
him to show Eggsy. Harry just knew that if Eggsy ever did see those files, he
wouldn't be allowed to keep them. "I know for a fact he wouldn't react well to
seeing that footage."
"Neither would I react well to being made to give him such footage, even on a
temporary basis. That's a particular security exemption I haven't prepared for
and don't particularly care to ever have to test. Eggsy has feelings and some
residual loyalty to you, at the very least. He has no such attachments or
reasons for being particularly fond of me." Merlin leaned forward, resting his
arms on the desk. "Have you planned for that risk, with Kingsman footage? If he
decides that what he sees severs those feelings and that loyalty, we're both
going to be in danger, and so will he. Arthur won't permit a potential or
actual liability to be walking around free. He's already at risk, given that he
knows how to get to headquarters. If Arthur finds out he has digital copies of
mission footage and sensitive documents, he may try to arrange an accident."
"Limited access is going to be key. Either he reviews mission footage on that
laptop remotely, without download or image capture capabilities, or he reviews
the footage from my home. The latter seems preferable, but more difficult to
coordinate regularly. He'd already be in deep enough with Arthur if Arthur
found out how much he knows." Harry finally took his chair and swivelled to
face Merlin. "I won't ask you to let him view your work. On that, he can have
my word alone."
"Good. I'm not particularly comfortable with him viewing that. For either of
our sakes." Merlin frowned, and his gaze lowered and turned distant as he
thought, cataloguing the different options available to them and what each
would entail. "I can arrange for house camera feeds to be viewed on a laptop.
Encrypted connection and transmission, with limited access and no capability to
save or capture any portion of the files."
"That should do." Harry nodded. "And I'll collect the mission footage for him
to review from my home office." Eggsy might not appreciate that at first since
his time at Harry's would be limited, but Harry couldn't very well leave those
files on a laptop someone else might find whether Eggsy wanted them to or not.
That would be damning enough already with surveillance from Harry's house, but
at least it wouldn't put Kingsman in jeopardy.
Harry glanced up to find Merlin watching him. "He's been opening up, little by
little. And then he'll remember something he doesn't like and he'll shut down."
Merlin knew when Harry went to visit Eggsy. If he'd been keeping track, he
might have even seen them on excursions out of the house.
"He's trying to reconcile opposing memories and emotions. I would take it as
encouragement. He wouldn't bother even making the attempt if he wasn't still in
love with you." Merlin's fingers tapped thoughtfully against the desk. Advise
on relationships and emotions weren't truly his forte, but by now he was used
to assuming the role of councillor and comforter where Harry was concerned. It
was one more thing to add an element of closeness to their friendship, and
besides which, Harry had no one else to turn to. "He needs to be able to
process and work through the negatives, preferably with you. He'll also need
older positives reinforced through repetition, and augmented with new positive
experiences. Stack the deck so that the good outweighs the bad, so to speak."
Harry gave a short nod. "Some of that he's going to need to do with me, but
some he's going to need to do without me. He still believes he's fighting me,
that we're in competition in a manner of speaking. He still believes I have all
the power. And you, too." Harry thought back to the night at his house. He'd
been torn over what Eggsy might ask him to do. Or might ask Merlin to do, more
specifically. "He has a say in what I can and can't do with him now, but not so
with you. That upset him." Harry frowned and ran a hand over his face. He knew
what he'd said to Eggsy. He didn't want to take that away from Merlin, but in
so doing, Harry had taken something out of Eggsy's hands again. Something he
shouldn't have had in the first place.
"Well, yes. The power imbalance will always remain by virtue of your respective
ages, experiences, and training. He's at a disadvantage for most things, and
you're simply limiting yourself and willingly accommodating and compromising
with him. He can make demands as a requirement for retaining a relationship
with him, and you're agreeing because you desire that." Merlin leaned back in
his chair, and the look he gave Harry could only be described as cautious. He
knew what Eggsy meant to Harry, and the lengths to which he'd gone to obtain
and keep the boy. "I don't have any particular relationship with him. He has no
say on what I choose to do with my time or abilities."
Harry's eyes dropped. "I told him as much." He'd been more certain that night
with Eggsy. "I know why you do what you do. I don't want to take that away from
you, nor could I if I did ask and you declined." Harry could see Merlin's
carefully held posture out of the corner of his eye. The man was more
vulnerable here than ever, even if he refused to show it. "But all I can think
about is that he's not wrong." Eggsy had been so angry, and so helpless. He
could fight Harry, but he had no power against Merlin following him wherever he
wanted whatsoever.
"He can be upset with me if he wishes. Likely he was already going to be so."
Silence fell between the two men. It was a measure of how upset Merlin was that
he kept so absolutely still, even his breathing turning shallow enough to
barely be detectable. It gave the impression of something cornered and frozen,
trying to avert a blow by passing beneath notice. "He and I don't have a
friendship, and he has nothing to offer me in exchange. I should hope that you
know... that it was already difficult to adjust to the cameras being terminated
after so long. I have very few outlets or lasting interests in my life, and I
don't want to be put in a position of having to make a difficult choice."
Without thinking, Harry reached out. His hand clasped around Merlin's forearm
and held tight. "I know," he whispered. He kept his gaze off Merlin. If the man
didn't want to be touched, he'd remove Harry, but Harry wasn't going to pin him
with both his hand and his eyes at the same time. And damn, Harry did know. He
knew this was wrong, that by every measure of common sense Eggsy should be able
to feel free of their watch, but Harry couldn't ask it of Merlin. Either way,
he was betraying one of them, all ethics aside. It wasn't lost on Harry that
the only reason he considered it was because of his attachment to Eggsy and how
much it upset the boy. Harry had no qualms over their work for anyone else, nor
even himself when it came to surveillance. But Harry was going to have to live
with that. "I know what you've given up. I won't ask for more."
"I am sorry that it upsets him. Perhaps he might feel better that my interest
mostly isn't in him, per se, but his connection to you, although he holds a
certain fascination by being a very unusual child in a number of respects."
Merlin stared at the hand on his arm and, after a moment, covered it with his
own - one more red flag regarding the man's levels of distress, given how
little he was prone to indulging in physical touch. "It's not my intention to
upset him. It's... how I relate to the world. I don't know if he'd be able to
understand it, as few people have the capacity to do so. I don't have many ways
of making and retaining connections."
Harry's mouth turned up. "I don't know either. And I don't know, even if he
could understand that that's how you relate to the world, whether he'd be able
to overlook the things you and I have done in our projects, and done to him. He
usually has very strong ethics, and we have hurt him directly." Harry couldn't
force Eggsy to understand Merlin, nor if Eggsy did would it take away what
they'd done, but it still pained him that the two were once again in opposition
to one another in many respects, even while they were trying to avoid each
other.
"We have, but the primary difference is that he has affection for you and seems
willing to entertain the thought of looking past that in your case. He has no
reason to feel any endearment towards me, and I'm probably bearing a large
portion of his anger, redirected from you for being your accomplice." Merlin
flashed a quick, bitter smile. To anyone, much less a youth of Eggsy's age, it
wouldn't matter that the hurt wasn't personal. Merlin had chosen to help his
friend, and because he was the less liked of the two, the anger towards him
would be less tempered. "I don't wish to lose your friendship over this."
Harry shook his head. "I will do everything in my power to see that it doesn't
come to that." Even if it did, Harry didn't think he could give up that
friendship. Eggsy had known enough not to ask that from Harry. "He almost
asked, but he didn't. At first he feared I would do more for you than I would
for him, and then I told him about Dean. He didn't even realise what I'd
done...." Harry gave a soft laugh. One of the few times Eggsy's sense of right
and wrong had been overridden, and Harry had already taken care of it.
Merlin did actually smile at that, and at the sound of Harry's laughter
breaking the tension in the room. "He's got quite a lot to absorb, in terms of
your personal ethics. Hopefully that's some reassurance, although I find it
strange he wouldn't realize to what lengths you're willing to go on his behalf.
I should hope he comes to realize I did the same for the same reason, even
though he felt personally injured by the results."
Eggsy had been personally injured. There was no way around that no matter
Harry's reasons and no matter Merlin's reasons. Harry had been reminded of
ethics for Eggsy's sake. "I can only hope," Harry sighed. "He's been hurt. I
can't make him. But I hope he may come to understand it someday." Harry glanced
up at the ever present monitors above Merlin's desk. "And this will help, a
little." Eggsy had specifically said Merlin handing him access to Harry's home
was one of the ways he could start making up to the boy.
"With you, but not with me. The boy will feel more secure with the tables
turned against you, or at least that's how he'll think of it. An eye for an
eye. He'll have to know I'll be watching as well, and be resentful for it."
Merlin met Harry's eyes. He'd already seen the signs. Eggsy was insecure, and
not without good reason, but he'd previously worried about what Merlin was and
meant to Harry. Now that he'd been denied control, he'd worry all the more.
Harry sighed and then cocked a brow. "You could carry Baxter around and see if
that doesn't make you more sympathetic."
The truth was that there were very few ways Eggsy could realistically be
endeared to Merlin. Part of that was Merlin himself, but the other part of that
was that Eggsy had no chance of being on an equal playing field with him. When
Harry had revealed his secret to Merlin and when Merlin had done the same for
him, they were on relatively equal ground, and they'd known each other for
years.
"I've already tried the dog angle. Eggsy found it comforting at the time, but
likely no longer. I'm not his babysitter and your friend, to him. I'm a threat.
I cannae say I don't feel the same," Merlin admitted with a bitter twist to his
mouth. "Outside of missions, I'm now a liability in regards to your boy. He's
insecure and I don't think he has the inclination for sharing you."
Harry frowned and rubbed at his temple. "Either some sort of understanding will
have to be found, or the two of you are just going to have to avoid each other
for the foreseeable future. I am not going to give either of you up." Harry's
jaw set. Eggsy would like this no more than he'd liked Harry telling him he
wouldn't shut Merlin out, even though Harry had no right to make that decision
in Eggsy's life, but Merlin understood why Harry wouldn't let Eggsy go either.
Merlin had seen him lose the boy once.
"I would be fine with either, so long as I don't lose you." Merlin glanced
away, but the motion was transparent. His monitors were shut down and blank.
There was no reason to look at them but in an effort to avoid looking at Harry,
"The boy can hate me if he wishes, or try to meet me halfway. I'm not going to
give you up, or my few connections to the world. Particularly connections to
you, however remote."
"I know," Harry said with a little more certainty in his voice. "I knew that
when he brought this up. He might hate you...but I hope it doesn't come to
that. And if he already does, I hope that it does not last. If it does...I'll
do my best to keep the two of you apart." That was all Harry could think to do.
Surveillance was what Merlin did. He had very little incentive to stop. Eggsy
couldn't provide that incentive and neither could ethical considerations.
Ethics hadn't been a part of their lives for quite some time.
"If that's what it comes to," Merlin agreed with a sigh. "I had never
anticipated becoming close in any respects with the boy, but it would be
disappointing if you ended up having to segregate us entirely. He's important
to you, and so by extension he's important to me."
Merlin leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "Odd, really. Under any
other circumstances, I'd be the one pressing for disengagement and
partitioning. I never thought I would ever want to be more engaged and
connected with another person, much less take such interest in the minutiae of
their life."
Harry fought down a smile. "I never thought I'd see it, either." He leaned back
in his chair and took a long look at Merlin. Yes, the man destroyed peoples'
lives on his free hours, sometimes even murdered them, but he wasn't so bad.
Not in Harry's mind, which admittedly may have been suspect. Harry just wished
Eggsy could feel the same. He gave a sigh. So much hinged on the boy. But not
everything. He had his work, and he had a friend. "We'll have to see what comes
of it, then."
"Nothing else to be done but to wait and see, and hope for the best." Merlin
paused, lost in thought for a few seconds. "I don't suppose you happen to have
any ideas for what might make Eggsy more inclined towards a favourable outcome
that doesn't require me to cease watching? I have a feeling that anything I do
will just be viewed as a manipulative gesture, and I doubt I can talk him into
understanding."
Some of the optimism faded away from Harry's features. "Normally I would have
suggested talking to him, but I think you're right about that. I.... Well. It's
a stretch, but if he could get to know you a little...." Harry lifted his
shoulders and thought about it. "You are somewhat of a mysterious figure in his
mind, I imagine. The times he came close to opening up to you were the times
you were simply forced to be in each other’s company for extended periods.
Perhaps if you could come out with us on occasion...," Harry hoped what he was
about to say wouldn't sound trite, or ridiculous, "he might see another side of
you."
Merlin laughed quietly. "I'm sure Eggsy would be just thrilled to have me
tagging along. And then there's the matter of my people skills. Harry, you've
seen what happens when I have to do staff training and testing. The boy may end
up disliking me even more than he already does."
Harry shook his head. "I know, believe me, I know the chances. But I am also of
the opinion that if you do really want him to like you, you are going to have
to spend time with him. Probably going on outings you have no interest in
participating in, unfortunately." Harry gave Merlin a frown of understanding,
mostly to hide his smile again.
Merlin stared at Harry for a long moment, searching his face before turning
aside and cursing under his breath. He'd seen the hidden smile. More than that,
he'd seen the trait Harry was particularly known for among the agents - a sort
of warm beguiling that generated comfort in others and a desire to please. "I
wouldn't do any of this nonsense for anyone but you. People aren't my forte,
children even less so. I want him to like me for the simple reasons that it
will make a great many things easier, and because I'm fairly confident that you
want him to like me."
Harry stopped trying to hide his smile. "I know," he admitted. "And you know
how much that means to me. I can only hold out hope that even if you're trying
to force it to work, he might learn to appreciate it in some small way." Harry
stood from his chair and waited, mindful not to loom over Merlin even though he
wanted to convey a sense of both his gratitude and reassurance that he would
not be distancing himself from Merlin. "Let me know when you have a laptop
ready, and I'll...I'll see about gathering the necessary mission footage for
him to review in my home, where it will remain."
"Give me two days. I'll want to completely wipe one of the spares and set up a
custom system installation for this. For his sake and yours. I'm not confident
that I'm the only one fiddling with technology inside the compound, and I'd
rather not us find out the hard way if Arthur throws a fit and decides to
derail everything. I know we've previous discussed the weaknesses of biometrics
in security, but given how Eggsy got into your computer last time, I'd like to
add yours as an additional lock on the laptop to help ensure that if it somehow
leaves your home, it will destroy itself appropriately."
Harry's mouth thinned but he nodded. "Understood." He didn't want a repeat of
that situation either, and the thought of Arthur finding out what they were up
to was...unpleasant at best. "Thank you, Merlin."
Harry thought about when he might next be inviting him over for tea, with Eggsy
present, and whether any of them would get through it unscathed. He decided
that it wasn't likely such an event would occur soon, however. Eggsy wanted to
see his missions and he wanted to watch Harry, and that was all for the moment.
Chapter End Notes
     As usual, you can join us this Saturday (9/24) for the chat at the
     Dark_Kingsman_Block_Party!
***** Chapter 47 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Eggsy's heart raced once his foster parents got the notice that he'd be having
another check-in with his social worker. Knowing he'd be seeing Harry again was
enough on a normal day, but he knew this time would be different. Harry had
promised him video feeds - of him on missions, and giving up his privacy in the
same way he'd subjected Eggsy to, or close enough. Harry would have the benefit
of knowing he was being watched, which was more than Eggsy had gotten.
The boy's stomach was in knots. He wanted to see more of who Harry really was,
but at the same time he wasn't certain he wanted that knowledge. Eggsy still
had conflicting feelings about the little he'd seen. He'd even been convinced
that Harry was such a murderer that he himself was at risk, and though he no
longer feared that, he knew other people probably wouldn't hesitate to view
Harry as a monster if they ever saw the tapes Eggsy had.
Harry had requested they meet at a coffee shop near the park for official
business as the Wilsons might find it strange if he requested a meeting at his
own house. He did let them know that he would be taking Eggsy out to a film
later, however, an activity they were comfortable with by then and which would
provide a plausible amount of time for Eggsy to be absent.
Donna and Kevin only spoke with him for a short time when they met for coffee,
but Harry was polite and inquired as to how they were holding up themselves.
They reassured him that they were well and very much enjoyed having Eggsy in
their home. They made sure Eggsy had enough cash for snacks and the like, but
didn't dawdle too long, respectful that the 'check-in' was only supposed to be
between Eggsy and the man overseeing his well-being.
As soon as the shop door clicked shut behind them, Harry turned to Eggsy with a
smile. "Shall we take our drinks home, then?"
"Yeah." Eggsy had already drunk half of his hot chocolate. He hadn't been
certain that he would have any appetite with how nervous and excited he was for
what was coming, but the sweetness had been too tempting and, thankfully, had
settled his stomach a fair bit. "Is stuff... ready, then? You know, what we
talked about. The movies and such?"
"It is," Harry said with his same smile and rose from their table beckoning
Eggsy to follow along behind him. With a cursory glance to the street outside,
making sure the Wilsons had really gone, Harry led Eggsy to his car and they
both climbed inside. With the windows up and soft music on, a cosy atmosphere
while the stately homes of Kensington drifted by outside, it felt almost like
it used to when Harry would take Eggsy home after a day out. Harry didn't know
if he'd ever be able to shake that feeling, but he also wasn't sure that he
wanted to.
Eggsy slouched down in the passenger seat. He still wasn't certain whether or
not he was supposed to be seen with Harry now that he was fostered out
elsewhere. "What... kinda missions am I gonna be lookin' at? Just the ones
where you were really supposed to be there? Or is it also gonna have the ones
you've done for... Landon?" Of the two, Eggsy was fairly certain which would
bother him more. The spy organization didn't seem to have as many scruples as
Eggsy might care for, but at least they seemed like they fought villains the
majority of the time.
"I think it would be best if you watched the work I've done for Kingsman
first." Harry glanced at the boy next to him. Eggsy looked as small as the
first time he'd ridden in Harry's car, although with far less enthusiasm and an
entirely different kind of nervousness. He reached over and patted Eggsy's
knee. "There's no need to hide. The Wilsons don't have us under surveillance,
you know."
"Yeah, but I don't know... like, Landon obviously helps you with camera stuff,
but he can't be the only person you've got, right? Some of the other agents
seemed to like me alright, but your boss didn't, and I dunno if you told your
neighbours why they didn't see me for a while. Rich people always seem extra
nosy about everythin'." Eggsy hadn't forgotten the fact that some of the same
neighbours had called the Met on him before when he looked out of place in the
neighbourhood.
Harry frowned and decided to let the issue drop. Merlin had been wary of Arthur
as well, perhaps more so during such an unstable time, although there were no
indications to suggest the head of Kingsman thought anything untoward was going
on in Galahad's life. And the neighbours, well, it would only be worth arguing
if Eggsy was going to be over often enough, and Harry still didn't know if that
would be the case.
They arrived home unseen, and Harry even parked in the garage to respect
Eggsy's feelings on the matter.
Eggsy scooted out of the car and waited for Harry to lead the way up into the
house. He was struck again with a sense of deja-vu, remembering how many times
before they'd come back into the house this same way from a trip out to enjoy
themselves and each other's company. It made the house feel a bit like Eggsy
had never left, even though he remembered the intervening period of time.
Harry's home was paused, existing in its own bubble on the timeline. Harry
wouldn't let it progress past the point when Eggsy had lived there.
Even the lights were on inside, waiting for them to arrive home. Eggsy had only
been back a few times, but the feeling didn't go away.
Harry removed his jacket and busied himself in the kitchen, readying the kettle
to boil as though they hadn't just been to get coffee. It was habit, and
familiar, and he knew it. Harry could never quite be all business around Eggsy,
even though ostensibly Eggsy was there for only one thing this time. When he
was finished with the kettle he turned and looked a little more sober, seeing
Eggsy at the counter waiting for him. "I've had a laptop prepared for you to
watch surveillance in the house. All the same cameras in all the same places.
But know that the laptop is encrypted and you'll need to remember the password
carefully. It has a second operating system installed so you can switch between
the two and if Donna or Kevin ask, you'll be using it for homework. The mission
footage, however, you'll have to watch here. You can for as long as you'd like,
whenever you'd like, but I can't run the risk of putting it on that laptop."
Eggsy's mouth turned downward. He understood why Harry would be cautious, but
he didn't have to be happy about it. "Guess I better watch as much as I can
now, huh? Since I can only do it every time I'm over here."
Even that infrequent might prove to be too much. Eggsy didn't know what he was
about to watch. For all he knew, he'd need the time in between visits to
process and come to terms with what he saw. Eggsy swallowed, all too aware of
Harry's gaze on him. "Can... I ask you questions? About the missions, I mean,
if I can't figure out what's going on, or why? I don't just wanna see things
you've done and what happened, I wanna understand... y'know? Or try to.
Harry's face softened. "Yes, that would be okay. I'll do my best to help.
C'mon, let me show you how to get it all set up."
Harry led Eggsy up the stairs, past the boy's former bedroom, and into his
office. He bent and took the laptop out of a briefcase before placing it on the
table next to his own computer. Harry had placed another chair behind the desk,
anticipating the need for one, and he motioned for Eggsy to take it while he
turned the computer on and showed him how to log in.
"You can actually use it for homework if you'd like," Harry told him before
switching to the alternate OS, "but this is how you'll access the cameras." The
same program Eggsy remembered from Harry's computer opened on the screen and
with it came a grid of thumbnail images at various points around the house.
Eggsy took control for a bit, figuring out how to switch between and enlarge
the cameras. For a moment his throat closed up. He'd forgotten just how many
cameras there were in the house and how thoroughly he'd been watched, more so
even then the ones Harry had put at his mother's flat. The boy swallowed down
his raw feelings and consoled himself with the fact that he knew, now, and now
Harry was the one being scrutinized. "Does it record? Or can I only see stuff
as it happens?"
"It does. You can see the logs here." Harry indicated an archive menu that was
currently empty. He'd only just turned the interior system on again and made
sure the feeds were all still working. He had no intention of starting before
Eggsy was watching. The history of his own logs were archived on his home
system, separate now. "You needn't worry about running out of space, and you
can review them for as long as you like."
Eggsy nodded, already wondering what it was going to be like. Harry would know
he was being watched, if not when. Eggsy didn't know if he'd start living
differently with that knowledge or not. "I can't save copies, though? If
there's something I want to save? I just have to remember which log it's in an'
scroll back to it?" Eggsy turned to look Harry directly in the eye. "'Cause you
can't tell me you didn't save nothin' of what you filmed of me. I know you had
to. Didn't you?"
Harry tried to offer Eggsy a small smile even though he knew he was being
chastised. "I did. And you can, if you want to, but it'll just have to stay in
this archive. Make a note of the date and time and the feed number. And...if
you want to keep something someday when this is all over, well we can talk
about ways to do that." Eggsy was still looking at him with that furrow between
his delicate brows, and Harry forced a more sober expression. "Does it bother
you that I still have those files? That I...that I look at them when I miss
you?"
"A little, I guess..." Eggsy bit his lower lip. Harry would want to know why,
and he didn't really have a good idea himself. The thought simply bothered him.
"I guess 'cause... I don't know what you recorded? And I didn't know I was
bein' recorded, or give you permission for that or to keep 'em. I guess it
feels like there are pieces of me missin' that I didn't notice at the time, but
now I know they're out there."
Eggsy looked down at his hands, fidgeting. "Would you show me them? What stuff
you've kept, I mean?"
"If you want." Harry turned his attention to Eggsy and Eggsy alone. He wanted
the boy to feel the weight of his gaze. "You know that besides myself and
Merlin, no one else has ever had, nor ever will have access to those files,
right? They're not out there in the world, they're...more like a personal photo
album." Harry watched Eggsy for a reaction before he reached out to touch the
boy's back. "I remember you liked my own photo albums quite a lot back then.
So, if you did want access to those files, I wouldn't mind."
"It's still weird your friend can see 'em. You less so, but-" Eggsy pulled a
face. He wasn't even friends with Landon, much less had they ever been
intimate. The thought of being watched by a stranger during his most private
moments turned his stomach, even if he was fairly certain Merlin was far more
interested in watching Harry than himself. "I do want to see what you kept, and
I don't want anyone else to see 'em. I mean, you've told me nobody else will,
but... just so's you know. I don't like him seein' 'em but it don't look like
I've got much choice where he's concerned."
Harry gave a soft sigh and nodded. "Ok." Harry reached over and took control of
the keyboard where he set up a new path to his home server. He wasn't so sure
Eggsy would look at these files in the same way he did. In fact, he was sure of
the opposite, but a little part of him still hoped that Eggsy might be able to
find something good there.
When Harry was finished, a new archive appeared next to the empty one for Eggsy
to peruse as he liked. "You won't be able to take anything off this side of the
system," Harry said before Eggsy started getting any ideas to try. "The USB
hubs are disabled and so are all outgoing connections apart from that of my
house, but it shouldn't disrupt the internet when you'd like to use it
normally."
"Alright." Eggsy should have expected as much. Harry was trusting him, but only
to a certain degree. The boy wasn't truly bothered that he couldn't save
anything right then; if he wanted to, he was sure Harry would let him, if in
some protected form. He certainly wasn't trying to restrict access enough to
completely protect himself.
Eggsy ignored the screen and stared for a long moment at the man beside him.
Harry still looked soft and warm, just like he remembered. Harmless, enticing.
If Eggsy had wanted to and been willing to pay the personal consequences, he
probably could have ruined Harry many times over. He still thought about it
from time to time, what it would be like to tell someone everything and watch
Harry get taken away. His imagination would conjure images of what might
happen, and always the pain they summoned in Eggsy outweighed any satisfaction
of contemplated revenge. He couldn't stomach the thought of Harry hurt in that
way, or dying, or dead.
"So, that's the camera feeds. How do I get to look at the missions you've
done?"
"Those, you'll have to watch here." Harry straightened and scooted over so that
Eggsy could see the screen of his desktop before he laid his hand over a panel
next to the keyboard. "Biometric security," Harry explained when Eggsy's eyes
followed the movement. "I've made some upgrades. I'll have to unlock it for you
when you're here, but you're welcome to stay and review the footage for as long
as you'd like."
The computer powered to life and Harry showed Eggsy where he'd made a
convenient link from the desktop to the mission archives. Just like before they
were listed by date, but Harry showed him they could also be sorted by several
different categories.
"As long as I like, any of them I want?" Eggsy had expected a smaller list, but
the archive was packed. He supposed it made sense, given that Harry was a good
deal older than he was and had worked with his father, but that meant that he
did many different missions a year, for years. He might end up watching
missions that happened before he was even born. The thought made him all the
more aware of how much smaller he was next to the man beside him. "Do I get to
ask you questions about 'em?"
Harry smiled. "Just come down and find me. I'll answer as best I can." He
rested his hand on the boy's knee, feeling how his legs were longer than Harry
remembered them being the last time Eggsy was up in his office. "I'll leave you
to watch unless you want company." Harry didn't think he would, especially not
at first. Some of the missions might be difficult for Eggsy to watch, even if
the carefully written reports archived with each gave adequate justification
for what Eggsy saw.
"Not right now. Maybe sometime. I'll come get you if I want you." Eggsy's words
hung in the air between them, weighted with more than just the immediate
context. Harry's hand felt overly warm against Eggsy's leg, and Eggsy could
remember just how it felt without clothing separating skin from skin. Those
fingers had touched everywhere. The boy flushed. "I guess I better get started,
since I only get to watch when I'm here. You're gonna be downstairs?"
Harry nodded, removing his hand, but not before letting it trail down Eggsy's
leg, fingertips catching for as long as they could. "Yes. And I'll have tea and
snacks if you'd like a break." He hesitated a moment longer, but he had no more
excuses to stay, so Harry rose and pushed his chair aside so that Eggsy could
slide in and get comfortable. The boy in his place in front of a desk too big
for him and Harry's personal computer was a strange sight, but Harry reminded
himself that this was what Eggsy wanted, and Harry wanted to give it to him.
Eggsy didn't move for a couple of minutes after Harry left. He kept expecting
the man to peek back in on him somehow, but he was well and truly alone,
confronted with a stack of video logs he didn't even know how to tackle.
Logically, he should start from the beginning, but the beginning wasn't what
interested Eggsy. While he was interested in who Harry used to be, he was more
interested in who Harry was now - what he had been doing at the same time he'd
been wooing or living with Eggsy. With this in mind, the boy sorted through the
dated files and decided to work his way backwards from the most recent files.
There were a few smaller directories dated very recently, but when Eggsy looked
through them he found they didn't contain much besides a brief description of
Harry's alias, his connections, and Harry's report ending with dead end leads.
Thinking he might have better luck with one of the larger directories, Eggsy
clicked into one that listed "Belmont Industries" after the date and
immediately realised it was the mission Harry had been on when Eggsy discovered
him beaten and waiting to die. Harry's end of the operation didn't go any
farther than London, but there were still extensive documents, several written
by Harry himself of the ordeal and the information he'd gained and several
written by others. And then there were photographs. Photographs of people Eggsy
had glimpsed once or twice, photographs of the warehouse and other locations,
and photographs of Harry and the damage that had been done to him.
Eggsy paused on those. There hadn't been time to look too closely when he'd
first stumbled across Harry in the storage room. He'd known his injuries were
extensive, even seen some of them more closely when back at headquarters, but
that was after Harry had received medical treatment. The photos brought
everything back, including the sense of horror Eggsy had felt at the idea that
Harry was mortal and breakable. He'd seemed preternatural, like trying to
outrun the inevitability of the seasons, only to find winter nearly slain and
bleeding out at one's doorstep.
Eggsy did his best to match what Harry had told him about what he was doing
there at the time with what was written in the reports. He couldn't remember
many details, and Harry hadn't spent the time to elaborate, but as far as he
could see, what Harry had said at the time had been true. The Belmont directory
linked to another with a more current date that Eggsy didn't have access to.
Harry had told him he wouldn't be able to show Eggsy ongoing missions, however,
and it seemed likely that Harry's discovery and brush with death at Belmont
might have led to a bigger investigation by Kingsman.
When Eggsy moved on, he found a string of dates with files and photos that
matched better to what his imagination used to conjure up when he thought of
Harry going out as the gentleman spy. Dozens of surveillance clips showed Harry
at lavish parties, dressed nicer than even Eggsy was used to seeing him, and
usually in conversation with faces who were listed elsewhere in the directory
as targets or informants.
A lot wasn't as bad as Eggsy was expecting. Apparently Harry hadn't been lying
about the portions of his time dedicated to infiltration and information
gathering in a more direct way. A lot of footage was filmed through what must
have been his glasses, recording conversations that didn't mean much to Eggsy
and glancing over faces he didn't recognize. Sometimes the languages weren't
English, and without the benefit of subtitles, Eggsy could do no more than try
to follow tones, expressions, and gestures as Harry conversed with strangers in
countries Eggsy could only guess at.
He found others that showed Harry moving alone, leaving recording devices
attached to doorsteps and under the carriages of vehicles. Sometimes Harry
watched people meeting in very close quarters and yet didn't seem to be seen.
The first date in which Eggsy saw Harry shoot someone was one such situation.
Harry had a vantage point fairly high up somewhere, looking down over the back
of a building, maybe a restaurant, as three figures met on the ground below.
Eggsy could only make out the sides of their faces in the dark with a single
light over the back door, but he could see from their gestures that something
was about to go down between them. One kept asking why the third was there, as
though he hadn't been expecting to meet two people, and the others Eggsy
couldn't make out but the way they moved was threatening enough.
One moment they were arguing and the next one of the two pulled a gun. Eggsy
didn't see what happened until the world dropped and the camera righted itself.
Harry's hands were out, holding a handgun that glinted in the light, and where
three people had just been, only one was left standing. The man looked shaken
until Harry lowered the weapon and joined him under the light, looking down at
the two bodies and asking if the man he'd just saved was ok. He seemed to know
Harry, but the rest of their conversation didn't give Eggsy many details.
The vantage point from the glasses spared nothing. Eggsy could see the two
bodies twitching on the floor as they bled out. He watched Harry and the other
man sort through things carefully, donning gloves and picking through pockets
to find and take key pieces of evidence. Whether that was to further the
mission they were on or conceal who had killed the two marks was equally
likely.
Shortly thereafter, Eggsy watched from a first-person view as Harry moved from
shadow to shadow, dropping something into nooks and crannies as he went. Only a
few minutes later did it register that he'd watched Harry staging a building
for detonation. It collapsed in a cloud of dust, rubble, and flames, perhaps
empty, or perhaps taking unknown souls down with it.
The video ended and Eggsy was left staring at the rest of the report. It wasn't
as large as some of the others he'd passed, but it was linked to another case
that happened six months earlier. He could tell this one hadn't gone exactly to
plan even if Harry's movements throughout the video had been quick and
efficient the whole way through, never seeming to hesitate on a decision. A
glance at the brief mission objective told Eggsy that Harry had been meant to
watch the meeting. But Harry's report talked of intervening to save their
informant's life and destroying the building to act as a cover up. He was about
to put it away before he saw that Harry had provided a neat list of damage done
at the end alongside the mention of casualties: two.
Eggsy scrolled further. The reports weren't simply text, but had relevant
documents included. Videos made up a part, but there were audio files and
photographs as well, and occasional data files that probably contained troves
of information. Further down, photographs of significant locations and objects
were included, along with photos of the two casualties. Someone must have
retrieved them from whatever morgue had processed the bodies. Both were atop
stainless steel tables and very much the worse for wear, likely due to falling
building debris.
When he'd been living with Harry, Harry had rarely mentioned casualties in his
work. Unless they were on the opposite side. Eggsy had to really think to
remember Harry mentioning innocent people caught up in one of his missions, and
back then Harry had been vague about it. Seeing the dangers of Harry's work in
full colour was very different than having a story related to him over dinner.
Eggsy scrolled through more missions. Often times they contained photos of the
men and sometimes women Harry and the rest of Kingsman were pursuing. Just as
often the documents contained vivid depictions of what these people did to put
them in Kingsman's cross-hairs. There were drug cartels, illegal weapons
dealers, there were international politics that Eggsy couldn't follow with
figureheads who carried out all kinds of abuses on the people working and
living under them. There were endless files on warfare all around the globe,
from Northern Ireland to the Middle East and farther still.
There were other jobs, too. Kingsman didn't seem to limit itself only to what
fell within certain moral boundaries. The missions weren't accepted as a form
of righteousness. There were hits from one illegal organization against
another, well-financed revenge jobs, or lucrative work to secure questionable
supply chains in exchange for money, goods, and information. More often than
not, Kingsman business seemed to coincide with the sort of mission MI6 might
take on, but that didn't mean that other things were off the table for
consideration.
It was very difficult to tell which missions were part of a bigger scheme.
Eggsy couldn't be sure all of the ones that sounded questionable weren’t
accepted for the greater good. Harry had told him they had to play very long
games sometimes, but he didn't have the background to know which was which. It
was very hard to believe that everything that sounded questionable was just for
some better goal. Harry had turned out so differently than he'd thought. Why
wouldn't the organization Harry worked for be the same?
Eggsy clasped his hands over his mouth, thinking. He wasn't certain he could
stomach any more footage that night. He wasn't used to seeing the stark
realities of what working as a secret agent actually meant. Glamorous movies
and romanticized ideas were all well and good, but Harry wasn't necessarily a
secret hero that saved the world while looking dashing. He wasn't a wholesale
villain, either. Eggsy still didn't know what to do with the mixture of both
that made up the man he'd grown to love and hate. He didn't know how to process
the knowledge that the good, kind, gentle, sensuous man wasn't entirely a
deceptive act, but neither was it the whole of the truth.
He could hear the water running in the kitchen below and Harry's footsteps
after it shut off. They didn't turn towards the stairs, but it was hard to tell
where Harry was in the house and what he was doing. Maybe he was making another
cup of tea. Harry usually only put the telly on when Eggsy was around or when
he wanted to watch something special, and Eggsy didn't hear it now. It seemed
Harry really was going to leave him up there to look and think for as long as
Eggsy wanted.
Eggsy paused to think. He was only to have access to the mission records while
in Harry's home, but the camera feeds were supposed to work anywhere. The
present would be as good a time as ever to test out how complete the cameras
were compared to his memories of Harry’s earlier recordings.
Eggsy minimized the folder containing the missions, glancing only for a moment
at the folder that held the recorded videos of himself. He clicked into the
program linked to the cameras and, after clicking through a few of the feeds,
managed to find Harry.
Harry was in the living room, sitting on the couch with his feet propped up on
the footstool with a new cup of tea sitting atop the end table, reading a book.
He didn't look uncomfortable or impatient, although Eggsy knew it was
impossible to tell with Harry. Harry looked just how Eggsy so often remembered
him in the evenings, sitting quietly in his favoured spot with one book or
another. He'd do that while Eggsy was working on his homework sometimes.
Sometimes they'd be at opposite ends of the couch, legs turned towards each
other and fitted snugly in companionable silence.
Harry didn't look like he suspected he was being watched.
Eggsy reached forward and touched the outline on the screen. Harry was so still
for a time that the image looked like a painting in a book, of the sort that
depicted cosy fireside nut roasting and magical ice skating scenes that never
happened that way in reality. Harry was in the evening jacket that Eggsy had
loved for how plush it felt beneath his fingers and how it set off the colour
of the older man's hair and eyes. The same man he'd just watched on several
missions, who was responsible for the deaths of targets and collateral
casualties alike.
Harry turned a page in his book and sipped his tea. His eyes never rose and he
never moved more than his hand. It was like looking back in time. A portal back
to a world Eggsy remembered and yet could never quite reclaim, even if he went
downstairs right now and crawled into the man's lap. Harry would let him if he
wanted to. Whether the vision was real or not, Harry would let him come back,
as warm and as kind as ever. To Eggsy, anyway. Eggsy might have found out that
wasn't the way Harry always was, depending on who he was dealing with, but he
never treated Eggsy differently.
The boy remembered that time vividly. How warm and inviting the house had been,
and Harry. How safe, when the only thing he'd had to worry about was his
mother's wellbeing and if Harry would think badly of his crush, or later if
they'd be found out and Harry would be stolen away. All the happiness before
he'd started to suspect Harry of lying and the crushing revelations that so
much had been orchestrated.
He sat up there watching Harry for a long time. Harry remained on the couch,
steadily moving through his book until the cup of tea was almost empty. Likely,
it had gone cold and Harry left it be. He never looked up to where he must know
the cameras in the house were. Never did he look like he suspected Eggsy might
be doing something other than watching his mission footage.
It was difficult not to wonder if all Harry's nights were like this now. Spent
quietly and alone, taking small comforts where he could and getting used to it.
Lonely. Just like Eggsy's own nights had been, stealing sleep in drug dens or
in the quiet privacy of the bedroom he now had to himself. Eggsy wondered if
Harry had spent the time before sleep in agony, missing him and replaying every
misstep that had been made. If Harry regretted the choices he'd made at any
part along the road. He had suggested that he rewatched the older recordings
for his own pleasure, which made Eggsy certain that he'd engaged in similar
fantasizing the boy had done on his own.
It was hard to imagine the Harry on the couch undone, mourning Eggsy and
finding desperate relief in old memories, but Eggsy remembered well how quickly
Harry could turn from the picture of a perfect gentleman to anything but. He
was collected and serene here, but Eggsy knew what his face looked like when
Harry was in pain. It hadn't been often, but he'd seen grief on Harry before.
As far as Eggsy could recall, Harry had never looked that way over anyone or
anything but him before. Harry had been beaten and dying in that storage room.
He certainly hadn't been calm then, but it was different the moment he saw
Eggsy.
That moment was burned into Eggsy's memory. It had haunted every second
afterwards, when he had to deliberate yet again about what he could live with
and how he would be risking everything. Freeing Harry had meant the end of that
life and the limited security it had provided, possibly even of life itself. He
could have been shot during the escape, or targeted on the streets afterwards.
Eggsy had thought about all of that before he'd returned to that storeroom,
along with all of the anger he'd harboured towards Harry for the suffering he'd
caused.
And here he was now. Back at Harry's. Except Harry wasn't in control any
longer. Harry did everything Eggsy had asked of him after that. Eggsy couldn't
be sure, but it didn't seem like Harry had anything new up his sleeve, trying
to push Eggsy back to him, subtly or not. Except that Eggsy was still back. And
Harry certainly didn't refuse him when Eggsy came to him asking for something.
Even closeness. Harry had manipulated him for so long it was hard to tell if
Eggsy was still in control, even if it seemed like he was.
Eggsy's mind spun with thoughts. Part of him thought that it all had to be a
trick, because everything in the past had been. The illusion of power had to be
another form of trickery. Eggsy kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for
the trap to trigger and snap around his ankles, but nothing happened. Harry
kept doing what he was asked. He kept his distance when asked. He provided
living situations and learning opportunities. He'd given Eggsy access to
whatever he asked, even Eggsy's own footage when he asked on impulse.
The boy flipped back to the mission folders, looking through the photos and
video clips at random. Eggsy tried to juxtapose the Harry there with the one in
his memories and the one he'd known lately, still lounging calmly in the live
feed. They merged, somewhere. Eggsy was disturbed, but he couldn't find himself
as disgusted as he'd first been. He lingered on a few of the debriefing photos
from one mission, with Harry blood spattered and torn and still hard-eyed from
what he'd seen for the camera's lens, and Eggsy couldn't stop his own blood
from stirring.
The strange thing about looking at Harry like that was how hard it was to
imagine Harry turning such a cold gaze on him. Even when Eggsy had run away and
Harry had tracked him down, even that night at Belmont when Harry had taken
down those men in their escape and he'd already been beaten and bloodied and
desperate to survive, he'd never turned that gaze on Eggsy. Comparing the photo
to that night, Eggsy had seen that kind of coldness before, but Harry's eyes
were always softer when they fell upon him. Even when Harry was sad or upset.
Even when Eggsy himself hadn't known if he'd come back for Harry.
Eggsy tried to imagine it. He'd done so before, when he was worried about what
Harry was going to do to him if he was found and caught, but he hadn't had a
good idea of how Harry would look at the time. He tried to put himself in the
shoes of someone Harry had as a mark, imagining what it would be like to be
interacting with a charming gentleman at some social party only for Harry to
look at him like that and drive a knife into him, or stick a gun against him.
Eggsy didn't know how to feel about the fact that he found it disturbing and
somehow attractive. His stomach lurched at the thought of how many people Harry
might have killed who didn't deserve it, but his blood ran hot and southward
all the same.
It was impossible to say whether this type of reaction was normal or not. Eggsy
knew people liked dangerous things, but Harry had instilled himself as a sexual
outlet to Eggsy years ago and had done everything in his power to remain that
way. Women swooned over James Bond, but Harry was real. Harry wasn't acting in
a film and he wasn't meant to be eye candy for some nameless audience. Though
he certainly did turn on the charm and dress the part, it was for far deadlier
reasons. And though Harry had told Eggsy often enough about how he fought and
the kinds of gadgets and weapons his agency had given him, he'd never shown
Eggsy in person.
Eggsy wondered if he'd show him if he asked, and what it might mean. It was
difficult to say whether any acquiescence was proof of love and how much
control Eggsy might have, or another sign of manipulation. Everything blended
together.
The boy spent a few more minutes clicking through the resources that were
available to him, but he couldn't pay much attention. His focus was stuck on
the figure in the small camera feed window, calmly paging through a book while
his feet were propped up on a plush ottoman. Eggsy shut his eyes and huffed out
a breath, but when he looked again his feelings hadn't dissipated.
Damn him. Damn them both.
Harry looked up at the sound of small footsteps coming down the stairway. Eggsy
didn't give him a chance to utter much of a question. Mere seconds passed
before the boy had crossed the room, striking the book out of Harry's hands and
taking its place on his lap.
Harry's brows rose in alarm but he didn't pull away. Eggsy saw the moment it
clicked in Harry's mind what Eggsy was doing, but still Harry didn't seem to
understand what had brought on the change. Harry's hands didn't move, hanging
in mid-air after the book had fallen to the floor. He blinked as Eggsy settled
over him, hands pressing against Harry's chest and feeling the man's heartbeat
through the silken fabric of his evening jacket. Such thin material, really.
Not like Harry's suits, which varied from thicker fabrics to ones almost as
soft as silk in the summer, but still had always put several layers between
Eggsy's hands and Harry's body.
"Eggsy?" Harry asked, croaking the word.
The boy ignored him. Harry's heat soaked through the fabric and into Eggsy's
palms and seat and the backs of his thighs. He could see the bob of Harry's
throat as he swallowed, the pulse lines visible just above the starched collar
on either side. Eggsy tried to picture him in the same garb as the photographs,
having just come back from a mission a little the worse for wear.
Eggsy was just as shocked as Harry when he grabbed hold of Harry's shirtfront
and pulled until the buttons gave way and the fabric parted.
Harry's whole body tensed. Eggsy could see it in his throat and in the now
exposed lines of his chest. Harry wasn't bulky. He was lean all over, but the
muscle was still there, and his chest was rising and falling quickly with every
breath. His hands hovered over Eggsy's waist, almost like he was expecting to
be struck at Eggsy's sudden movement, but had stopped himself from holding the
boy back when Harry realised he was going for the shirt instead. Now Harry just
looked stunned, almost afraid to snap Eggsy out of whatever had possessed him
with this kind of aggression.
Eggsy hesitated for a second, taking in Harry's surprise and remembering the
cold-eyed man from the photos. He'd seemed to expect attack and still had done
nothing, and Eggsy had noticed.
It took all of a split second for Eggsy to make his decision and slide forward.
His arms wrapped around Harry's neck and pulled him down for a demanding kiss.
He wondered, absently, if Harry had ever had to seduce targets for his work
before. If he had, Eggsy hadn't seen those mission logs yet.
Harry went willingly. His hands finally closed around Eggsy's hips and held him
tight. Tight, without restricting his movement. Harry kissed Eggsy back, but he
wasn't leading. Eggsy was, and Harry seemed to be happy letting him even if
Harry still didn't know what was going on. He was definitely wondering what
Eggsy had seen up in his office that prompted this reaction, but Harry didn't
stop him to ask. Not even when Eggsy pressed all along his front, rubbing their
bodies together from groin to torso, and he felt Harry's cock hardening under
him. It certainly didn't take Harry long. All Eggsy had to do was show interest
and it was like flipping a switch for the older man.
Eggsy delved into Harry's mouth. He could imagine a ghost of blood, but all he
could taste was a hint of tea, the same sort he remembered Harry being fond of.
Harry was two different people, but one, and Eggsy still could barely catch a
glimpse of the other. Of what constituted the rest of Harry.
When the boy broke off the kiss, he didn't bother answering the question in
Harry's eyes. "Bedroom. Now, Harry."
Harry closed his mouth. "Okay."
He didn't look any less stricken as Eggsy slid off his lap and he climbed to
his feet, Eggsy's hands pulling at him all the way. His eyes only glanced over
the book on the floor before they were focused on Eggsy, following him as Eggsy
led the way back to the stairs and up. Harry didn't let Eggsy go far. He kept
up even though he seemed to sense that Eggsy would demand it if he didn't.
When they reached the bedroom, Harry let the evening jacket drop off his
shoulders before Eggsy had to ask. His nightshirt underneath was now missing a
few buttons, and he was a little rumpled, but still nothing like the
photograph.
Eggsy walked backwards, pulling Harry along with him until he reached the edge
of the bed. He scrambled up, but Harry didn't immediately follow, still looking
confused even as he shrugged off the damaged clothing onto the floor. Harry
didn't look dangerous, with his casual trousers and now-bare chest and his
glasses sitting very slightly askew. He only vaguely resembled the man in the
mission briefings, or the one that haunted Eggsy's nightmares at times,
stalking him through cold train yards or kidnapping him from behind.
Eggsy wanted closure. He wanted to explore everything Harry tried to hide away
from him so he could see it all for himself. He wanted the vague nightmares he
still harboured to have a different ending. "Are you comin'?"
"What's going on, Eggsy?" Harry asked, voice smooth and soft, but he did step
forward and climb up onto the bed. His trousers were still on and he made no
move to undo them, or go for Eggsy's clothes as he usually liked to do. "What
did you see?" Harry's brow furrowed. Finally he seemed to be thinking more
about the whys of Eggsy's sudden interest than just the fact that it was
happening. Harry wanted Eggsy, there was no denying that, and although Harry
sounded suspicious, he didn't look like he was about to stop giving Eggsy what
he wanted.
Frustration welled up in Eggsy. He didn't know how to explain things, or why.
He didn't want to slow down and think about it. It was the same sort of feeling
that had driven him out his bedroom window to wander near the train tracks and
around the local streets when he couldn't take his mother's flat anymore. "I
saw you, a'course, what else? You on missions, lookin' into the camera
afterwards all messed and everythin', like you took care of everythin' and now
you're gonna take care of whatever bloke's behind the camera too. An' you in
the train yard, and when you yanked me off my feet into a little room, and when
I found your gun and the cameras and didn't know what you were gonna do. Just
c'mere, okay?"
Harry cocked his head, brow still furrowed but with something that looked like
the beginnings of understanding on his face. He crawled forward and Eggsy could
see his wariness, but there was a spark of interest in Harry's eye, too. The
things Eggsy talked about, they weren't fond memories of the loving times
they'd had together, but Harry caught the lack of blatant accusation in his
tone than the last time Eggsy had spoken of such things.
When Eggsy reached for him again, Harry caught his wrist. Their eyes met and,
slowly, Harry pulled Eggsy to him, waiting to see if Eggsy would free himself
and take back control.
Eggsy didn't, not exactly. The boy's wrist turned in Harry's grasp until he
caught hold of Harry's forearm and could grip him just as tightly. When he
looked back at the older man, there was a little bit of the fear there that
Harry remembered from when the boy had confessed he'd thought he was going to
be imprisoned or killed. Just a little, drowned out by far more curiosity,
lust, and sheer determination. Eggsy stared up at the man, trying to find signs
of what he knew to be hidden underneath the surface somewhere.
When Eggsy was close enough, Harry reached out and caught him around the middle
before bending to kiss him again. It wasn't like Eggsy's demanding kiss
downstairs. Harry kept it slow, exploratory, even when Eggsy pressed harder.
But it didn't seem like Harry was doing it just to tease him this time. Harry
was trying to figure out what he wanted. Or if he really wanted what it seemed
like he wanted.
When they parted, Harry lingered, lips brushing against Eggsy's. "I've been
afraid of frightening you," he whispered. It didn't sound like it came easily
for Harry to say that, even though he had before, many times.
"I figured as much," Eggsy admitted. It hadn't been terribly difficult to
guess. Harry had always been gentle, but he'd been particularly cautious ever
since they'd begun interacting again. "Don't do me no good to pretend I'm made
of glass, though. I asked for all that stuff, with the computer, 'cause I
wanted to see more of you. More than just the nice bits you pick out to show
me. I don't think you're gonna kill or imprison me anymore, 'cause you'd have
done it already. I wanna see you better. All of it, not just what you think's
nice enough."
Harry still looked uncertain, but he at least didn't appear to be so confused
any longer. He raised his hands to frame Eggsy's face, stroking his temples and
making sure he had Eggsy's attention.
"I've never wanted to hurt you." Harry looked so earnest when he said it. He
had to make sure that Eggsy understood that much, even if he was beginning to
see the violence Harry could embody. Harry wasn't speaking in the broader
reaching sense of the term 'hurt' either, not like when they'd spoken of
Harry's intentions and weighed them against the outcome of his actions before.
He meant it quite literally.
"I don't really want you to hurt me, either. I guess I'm just... I wanna see
you, not the you that you think I'd like better." Eggsy's words were soft, but
he held Harry's gaze. Harry had hurt him, but out of selfishness and
desperation, hoping for the best. The boy understood that much, even if that
didn't help his own feelings on the matter. "That's part of why I asked for the
mission stuff, but I just-"
Eggsy flushed and finally averted his eyes. He didn't know how he felt about
the fact that he'd found some of the footage and pictures to be a turn-on, much
less want to admit it. He still didn't like the fact that Harry's work was so
morally ambiguous, but the danger involved in some of those documents held a
certain appeal. Particularly when Eggsy knew that he was safe.
Harry nodded. Eggsy could feel his heart beating fast due to the way they were
situated together. But then a flicker of a smile came to Harry's lips and he
lifted Eggsy into his lap, just like they'd been on the couch a minute ago.
"I can show you more," Harry said into his ear and let his hands wander
underneath the back of Eggsy's shirt. They were warm and Harry was comfortable
to lean against. "You're old enough, have been through enough now.... And I
know you've stumbled upon things I'd kept in the house before, and so I'll
understand if you'd rather not. But if you'd like to see the tools of the trade
up close, I'm willing to let you."
Eggsy shivered, and his skin broke out into gooseflesh as Harry spoke. He
couldn't have said why the thought appealed to him, but it did - reminding him
of the movies he'd seen, where the spy's love interest was captured by the
villain and tied up, maybe even tortured just so the hero would lose their
focus and make mistakes. Eggsy didn't want pain, and didn't want to be
victimized. He didn't particularly view himself as helpless anymore, not after
making his own way on the streets and outsmarting a couple of spies trying to
track him down with all their resources.
But he did want to know more about the cold-eyed man in the photographs. The
one who had stalked him through the streets unseen. "Y-yeah. If I can. I... I'd
kinda like to."
Harry looked at him to make sure Eggsy meant it. He'd been scared when he'd
found things related to Harry's work in the house before. Even after he knew
what Harry did for a living, Eggsy hadn't been happy to find the poison tipped
shoes in Harry's closet, although Harry hadn't blamed him. But Harry hummed,
approving of Eggsy's determination this time.
"Okay." Harry bent to kiss Eggsy again before he pulled away. He slipped out of
Eggsy's hands before Eggsy had a chance to draw him back. Harry went to his
dresser and pulled out a few items from the top drawer, then plucked an
umbrella from where it rested against his closet door. He set that against the
side of the bed before climbing back up next to Eggsy. He gave the boy one more
glance to assess his reaction when Harry laid several seemingly innocuous
personal effects out for his inspection. "You'll remember the watch I once had
you look after, and what it does." Harry pulled the piece out for Eggsy's
inspection.
"Yeah. It's got darts for summat, don't it?" Eggsy remembered well the small
piece of metal that had shot out of the side. "I dunno why you gave me
somethin' that did that if you knew I might be messin' with it and keepin' it
with me all the time. I could've shot myself."
Eggsy gave the umbrella a curious glance. "What's that, then? Is that one of
them things where it's actually a sword instead of a cane?"
Harry frowned in consternation before he was ready to move on. "I very
specifically remember telling you not to touch the dials. And that is a weapon
unlike anything you've seen before. Unless you happened upon it in those
mission logs." Harry smirked and climbed off the bed again, picking it up and
popping the snap free.
In his hand it looked like any umbrella Eggsy had seen before. In fact, he was
pretty sure he'd seen this one accompanying Harry on rainy days and he'd
thought nothing of it.
"It's also a method of defence." Harry aimed it towards the wall and let it
open with a whoosh. "Able to withstand and deflect most gunfire up to that of
the more high powered rifles, it also comes equipped with a convenient
targeting system." Harry pressed a button and the underside of the umbrella lit
up with a projection of the room behind it, locking a red target on Harry's
ornamental bust of Lord Alfred Douglas. "So you never have to put yourself in
danger when killing, or disabling, a mark." Harry switched the menu to a non-
lethal slug and made as though he were going to shoot the statue.
Eggsy's eyes widened. Harry had been armed on their outings and he hadn't even
known. England was rainy enough that no one thought anything of someone
bringing an umbrella with them, particularly if they had fine clothing to
protect. "Have you ever had to use it like that? Like, hidin' behind it and
knockin' people out?"
"Certainly." Harry collapsed the umbrella back into itself. "It's one of my
favourites. A lot of ingenuity went into making it. We call it the Rainmaker."
He offered Eggsy a half smirk. Harry was a sight like that, leaning against the
umbrella's handle in only his trousers, still noticeably tented at the front.
He was still too kind looking for the photograph Eggsy had in mind, but there
were hints of what Harry could be in the way he stood and the confidence in
which he held the weapon.
"Just one of your favourites?" Eggsy would have imagined that another agent
might have picked something more overt, but with Harry... it made sense. The
deception of it, how the weapon looked perfectly ordinary and harmless until
you stumbled across the right spot and the right situation. Eggsy couldn't pay
too much attention to the notion, however, as his gaze had drifted towards
Harry's waist and the fabric just below.
"Mm, indeed, just one." Harry turned to lay the umbrella back in its original
position against the closet. He swept up the watch and other items. "A signet
ring that will deliver fifty thousand volts of electricity to a target when you
apply pressure to the contact like so." Harry demonstrated on thin air and his
grin grew wider as he caught Eggsy's gaze lift from his trousers. "But I think
that's enough of a demonstration for now," he ventured, putting the items back
in the drawer they'd come from. "You seemed to have something else on your mind
when you brought me up here."
"I just..." Eggsy knew exactly what he wanted, but saying it aloud was another
matter. His head was half-filled with notions from the spy films he'd seen, the
other half remembering the pleasure and fear that Harry had been capable of
stirring in him. He wanted a thrill without the danger, and he'd missed sex.
"Wanted you, is all."
Chapter End Notes
     As usual, you can join us this Saturday (10/1) for the chat at the
     Dark_Kingsman_Block_Party!
***** Chapter 48 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
With two strides, Harry climbed back up on the bed. The smile that curled the
corners of his mouth hadn't diminished. He looked as though he had every reason
to suspect Eggsy wasn't telling him the whole truth about his sudden
inspiration, but Harry didn't comment on it further.
"Well I'm happy to hear that." Harry caught Eggsy around the middle and laid
him back as Harry kissed him, finally spreading himself out next to the boy.
One of Harry's arms draped over him to keep him in place, although Harry hadn't
needed to.
Eggsy closed his eyes. Harry's kisses always were heady, and he wanted to sink
back into the mattress like he used to. He couldn't seem to stop thinking about
how things used to be, before everything went to shit. Even in the Wilsons'
house, with his own large bedroom and anything a boy his age could have asked
for, he kept comparing everything to how things had been when living with
Harry. The way his house was set up, the food they'd eaten, the outings they'd
gone on.
The Wilsons were well-meaning people, but they didn't know him like Harry did.
Although, of course, Harry had cheated in that sense. Still, there had always
been a level of understanding when Eggsy was with him that just wasn't there
with Donna and Kevin. They were normal. They had normal expectations and often
boring suggestions for things to do for fun. And Harry.... Harry did take Eggsy
to places like the opera, but Harry also took him back to bed at the end of the
day. Just like Harry was doing now. Harry was beginning to let Eggsy see the
dangerous parts of himself upon request.
Harry's hands crept under Eggsy's shirt again, this time pulling until they
caught the fabric and lifted it over Eggsy's head before Harry went back to
kissing him. Harry didn't waste any more time on the rest of Eggsy's clothes
either.
Eggsy squirmed and lifted his arms and hips to help, just as eager. Once his
mind had set on sex, fire had lit his blood. He wanted a heavy body draped atop
him. He wanted a cock next to his own, or between his legs, or in him. Eggsy
missed the abandon of it all, and pleasuring himself in the privacy of his
bedroom or the bathroom wasn't nearly the same thing. His own hands couldn't
replace the experience of having another person there, and Eggsy didn't want
just anyone.
Very quickly, Eggsy was bare and Harry's hands were all over him. Harry's mouth
soon followed, licking and kissing everywhere that had been covered, everywhere
he'd wanted to touch while Eggsy was gone, since the last time Eggsy had
allowed Harry to touch him. This still wasn't a given between them. Harry knew
it and it showed in the way he revelled in touching Eggsy when he was newly
bare.
Harry parted Eggsy's legs and moved between them, but instead of removing his
own trousers and getting to it, he slid down and relished the softness of
Eggsy’s stomach and the way Eggsy's legs hooked around his shoulders.
Eggsy liked that almost as much. He felt warm, and Harry's skin prickled with
the slightest hint of stubble. Hands framed his torso on either side, and he
felt cherished. Breath wafted across his skin and Eggsy shut his eyes. He was
safe and wanted. Anything could happen. Harry might kiss his way downwards and
take him in his mouth, or upwards and tease him while his fingers got to work.
A vision of crime scene photos flickered through Eggsy's mind and he whimpered,
imagining Harry had found him in a storeroom instead of the opposite.
He felt Harry's teeth against his stomach as the man smiled. "Eager, aren't
you?" He kissed the skin and then nipped softly, then lifted himself to hover
over Eggsy. Harry rolled his shoulders and held Eggsy's gaze. With a curl at
the corner of his mouth, he looked like he was about to pounce. Harry could be
dramatic when he was playing, but they hadn't done much playing since Eggsy had
come back. With fluid movements, Harry climbed back up to kiss Eggsy and lay
himself over the boy with just enough of his weight to press Eggsy down, but
not enough to smother him completely. Harry's hand went for his own trousers to
tug them down while he rubbed his hip against Eggsy's erection.
The boy gasped. The friction was magnificent, but more so everything that went
with it. He'd missed this, when Harry wouldn't treat him like he was spun glass
about to break at any moment. He didn't want to be fragile or pitied. He knew
what he wanted. He knew he was wanted in turn, but pretending otherwise and
dwelling on the past only turned everything to bitterness. Far better to have
Harry playful above him, smiling and grinding gently down against him as a
tease before the main course. Just the thought caused a flicker of warmth at
his core. "Didn't you always like me eager?"
A grin spread onto Harry's face the instant Eggsy asked. An arched brow
followed, but it was clear Harry knew exactly what Eggsy was talking about.
"That's true." Harry brushed a finger over Eggsy's nose. "I love to see that
look on your face. Just waiting. Wanting. Trusting that I'll give you what you
like." Harry brushed his lips over Eggsy's before Eggsy felt the brush of warm
fingers against his cock. Harry palmed his hand between Eggsy's legs until they
fell apart again. Harry's eyes were softer when he pulled away, but the spark
hadn't left him.
"You did, though." Even when Eggsy hadn't been certain, Harry had always
surprised him. Slowly, gently, but it had always been a surprise, and always
something enjoyable. The learning curve between staring at sports magazines and
experimenting and having Harry show him things had been steep indeed. "You
always did."
Harry blinked. The press of his hand slowed, but didn't stop. The other came up
to stroke Eggsy's cheek and brush through his hair. Eggsy could see that he'd
touched something in Harry.
"I am forever grateful you let me." 'No matter what happens', Harry didn't add.
But Eggsy was with him now, and Eggsy wasn't regretting what Harry had shown
him. "I'll always be grateful to have you." Harry smiled and though it was
tinged with memories, it wasn't a sad smile. He placed a kiss on Eggsy's
shoulder and rubbed his cheek against Eggsy's soft skin, looking up at the boy
like he was freezing Eggsy in his mind. Harry must have a lot of those mental
snapshots.
"Don't talk like that." Eggsy had seen too much of that sort of thing. Adults
trying to make things sound nice for kids like him when everyone could hear the
sadness that wasn't spoken. It was like every time his mum had told him
everything was fine, or going to be fine, when it wasn't and things were just
about to get worse. Everything unspoken settled like a block of ice in the
stomach and kept you wondering when things were about to turn to shite. "I
ain't goin' nowhere. You don't gotta memorialize me like I'm 'bout to
disappear."
The slightest furrow creased Harry's brow, and perhaps he was surprised to hear
Eggsy say that so confidently, but some of the sadness did fall away from his
demeanour. He stopped what he was doing to kiss Eggsy. "Ok," Harry agreed,
lingering only a moment before he lifted himself up and reached for the bottle
of lube at his night stand. "I believe you were in the mood for something else
tonight, weren't you?" Harry warmed the gel between his fingers before he laid
back down next to Eggsy, regaining his own eagerness as the seconds passed.
Eggsy nodded. His throat closed up for a few moments. He remembered this, and
he knew how he wanted this to go. In a way, he knew how he wanted everything to
go. "I... yeah. Was lookin' at the video logs. Of you, an' stuff you did. How
you got all beat up but still kept goin' until everythin' was done. You looked
a bit like in that room I found you in. Dangerous. Like I thought you were. Or
were gonna do to me."
Harry blinked again, giving no sign he was either hurt by Eggsy’s statement or
intrigued. Rather, it took him a moment to dissect the statement. To understand
how Eggsy was putting it into context and how Eggsy might feel about it, and it
garnering this...enthusiastic reaction.
"You don't find that side of me so frightening any longer?" Harry asked with a
note of cheek in his tone. He didn't seem to be offended, and now that Eggsy
had confirmed what drove him to drag Harry upstairs for an impromptu romp,
well, Harry didn't look disappointed, either.
"I, uh..." Eggsy flushed, looking stricken by the question and avoiding the
answer. He didn't understand his reactions, himself. He didn't think he was
supposed to find Harry like that intriguing, whether he was torn up and dying
in a storage room or hunting him down for play instead of for real this time.
He hated the idea of Harry killing anyone innocent, but remembering how held
slept close to so many weapons without any notion of how deadly Harry and the
house were around him set his blood aflame. "I didn't say that, did I?"
That got an instant smile from Harry, but he looked like he was holding it back
a little for Eggsy's sake. "Not in so many words." Harry traced a finger down
Eggsy's stomach, one that left warm lubrication glistening behind it, and
Harry's smile took on an edge. "But it's clearly doing something for you."
Harry's finger dipped down the groove of Eggsy's hip, but he didn't look like
he was going to move any farther. "Or maybe you don't mind that it's a little
frightening, hm? Maybe, even though it's frightening, you know now that I
wouldn't hurt you and that changes things a little?"
Harry was trained enough at reading people to know when he'd struck on
something important. Eggsy still was admitting nothing out loud, but his body
reacted well enough. Dilated pupils fixed on Harry's smile, Eggsy's pulse sped
up and, ever so slightly, Eggsy's hips tilted up against that finger and tried
to coax it lower. "You wouldn't, r-right? Hurt me ever?"
Slowly, Harry shook his head. "Never."
Harry's fingers glided around Eggsy's small cock, letting the lube coat it with
light strokes. Harry barely applied any pressure, but he made sure Eggsy felt
it before they slid underneath his balls and in between his cheeks where Harry
began rubbing intently. He was very focused on Eggsy's face while he did so,
perhaps looking for doubt, perhaps just wanting to see Eggsy hear that and take
it in before Harry gave him a more pleasurable experience.
Eggsy shivered, but Harry didn't see a hint of fear. Only pleasure, and the
boy's surprise that he found himself so affected. He'd looked into Harry's
past, right into the grisly details and consequences of that past, and found
himself drawn in even as his sense of rightness wanted him to push away. Harry
had hurt him, but not like that, and Eggsy believed that he wouldn't ever find
himself staring down the barrel of Harry's gun.
Harry bent down to press a kiss to Eggsy's lips. It was soft and lingering and
chaste, but Harry's fingers weren't. He pressed one into Eggsy, knowing the boy
would open for him, and Eggsy did. Harry slid slowly in while Eggsy's hips
tilted up to meet him and Eggsy was rewarded with a brush of pleasure when
Harry began to stroke. Harry liked to nuzzle at Eggsy's nose while he did this.
The warmth on his face didn't belong to the man in the photo, but they were one
and the same.
With a little more lube, Harry tested Eggsy's openness with a second finger.
Eggsy's breath stuttered, and his arms looped around Harry's neck. Harry's
second finger slid in easily, and the boy's eyes shut. Eggsy thought there must
be something wrong with him to feel like this. To be thinking about that photo,
or the night Eggsy helped Harry escape, or the night of being stalked in the
train yard. Even the moment when Harry snuck up on him and pulled him into that
maintenance room. Eggsy's mind spun out a different way it could have gone,
that Harry had kidnapped him rather than let him go.
It was difficult to separate Harry enveloping him like this from that time. If
Harry had any inklings on what he was thinking, and it certainly seemed that
Harry did, Harry knew Eggsy didn't want him to stop. Harry didn't seem to think
there was anything wrong with Eggsy still being attracted to him when he was
working. When he was killing. When he wasn't necessarily a good man. If Harry
wasn't a good man, then he probably wouldn't have a problem with that, would
he? But Harry made sure, again and again, Eggsy knew that Harry wouldn't hurt
him, and that was something Harry didn't have to do. There were so many times
when he could have made Eggsy disappear, and hadn't. If Harry had kidnapped him
that night, it probably would have turned out to be a lot more pleasurable than
painful.
It was difficult to say what would have happened. Eggsy had needed a great deal
of time to process everything that had happened between them and what Harry had
done. Certainly it wouldn't have transpired like the fantasy now unfolding in
the boy's mind, where he'd been swept away back to Harry's home to be warmed up
and convinced to stay. Even in fantasy, Eggsy had a difficult time imagining
Harry ever trying to punish him. He never had, never had even raised his voice
or berated him unkindly.
Even when Harry wanted him to do his homework and Eggsy didn't, all Harry would
do was sit himself down on the couch with a book and let Eggsy know that he
would be available for alone time when Eggsy was finished. It was very
effective. But Harry, after Eggsy had run away, would have likely been too
upset to act the way he might have acted in Eggsy's fantasy. Or the way he was
acting now--calm, attentive, and assured of Eggsy wanting this. And insistent.
Harry began mouthing at Eggsy's neck, tipping his head back to gain access and
brushing his cock against the boy's hip.
Eggsy arched, rubbing up against him and exposing a tender length of neck. Part
of him was still embarrassed for wanting this, but things were different now.
Eggsy didn't feel tricked. He was making his own decisions. He had control.
People would shun him if they knew, not necessarily because he was gay, but
because of everything that had happened to him, and for choosing Harry again in
any capacity. It was easy not to care right then, caught up in the rapture of
the moment and hidden away from any outsiders knowing, but that didn't mean
Eggsy never felt it or wouldn't feel it later.
"Fuck, Harry," Eggsy breathed out as lips trailed down his neck.
Harry gave a quiet whine in answer. Eggsy felt him press closer. His fingers
pushed deeper. "Ready?" Harry whispered into Eggsy's neck as he opened the boy
up. Harry was very good at making sure Eggsy's body was relaxed enough for him,
but he seemed to want verbal confirmation this time. This wasn't the mornings
when Harry had woken Eggsy up with his head in between the boy's thighs and hot
mouth around his cock. And Eggsy may have found a new and unexpected attraction
to the dangerous side of Harry's persona, but they were still worlds away from
where they'd once been.
"Yeah. Please." Eggsy's voice was quiet, but Harry heard the words with all the
weight they carried. Things were fragile between them, they were fragile, but
the boy wasn't hesitant or ambivalent about this. He rocked against Harry's
palm and hid his face against his hand as Harry pulled out and reached for the
bottle again.
The sight made Harry smile and Eggsy caught him at it, sitting back and just
looking down at Eggsy while he coated his cock with lube. The smile became more
of a smirk when Harry noticed Eggsy watching back.
"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" Harry asked. "I really don't
think you do." It wasn't just something to get Eggsy to open up to him. Harry
meant it. After everything, Eggsy could tell. It didn't mean Harry's opinion
was the standard, but it was something.
Harry moved one of Eggsy's knees aside as he crawled in between the boy's legs.
His cock brushed against Eggsy's stomach, sliding down until Harry had it
resting against his entrance. Harry stroked Eggsy's hair before he brought his
attention back down to line them up. When Harry began pressing inside, Eggsy's
body opened for him.
Eggsy's eyes closed at the feeling. He remembered the burning sort of stretch
from every time they'd done this before. He'd felt disgusted with himself for
missing it, once, like he was broken for wanting it again. Or for wanting Harry
again. He still didn't know what to think about himself, or the fact that he
clearly did find the parts of Harry that were morally troublesome to be
attractive once he no longer felt to be in personal danger. What sort of person
looked at evidence of the bodies their lover had put into the ground and
couldn't wait to get him in bed?
Whatever sort of person he must be, evidently, as the thought made him tighten
around Harry as he slowly pushed in.
Harry put a hand under Eggsy's hip and lifted so that the slide was easier.
Eggsy's body all but melted around him. Muscle memory, as it were.
When Harry was seated fully, he paused to savour it, bending down and nuzzling
against Eggsy's nose and leaving kisses against his lips and cheek and temple.
When Harry shifted his hips in the smallest motion to get comfortable, Eggsy
felt it. When Harry began pulling back for the first thrust, his cock brushed
just right and he smiled with gleaming white teeth at the look on Eggsy's face.
Eggsy knew now just how much of a threat lay behind that smile, to anyone but
him. Harry could be merciless and cruel if he wanted to, or coldly uncaring,
but he was never cold where Eggsy was concerned. Even when Eggsy squirmed
against him, wanting more, he kept himself tightly under control and went slow,
careful. Or perhaps it wasn't all caution and caring; Harry was watching the
flicker of expressions across the boy's face, savouring the reactions and
trying to read what Eggsy was thinking and feeling.
Harry was very good at it. And he liked what he saw. When the slow thrust of
his hips became steady rocking motions, he lowered himself down, keeping his
weight on one elbow above Eggsy's head while his other hand helped guide
Eggsy's hips and keep him in place. If Eggsy had wanted to move, he'd have
found himself trapped, but Harry didn't smother the boy with his weight either.
Harry found his mouth again and this time his kiss wasn't chaste. There was
always a point where Harry's control began to slip. Never completely, just a
little bit, but Eggsy could always tell. It was happening to Harry quickly this
time.
Eggsy did eventually try to move, just to see. Harry caught him, thrusting a
little sharper when Eggsy's hips were guided back into place, and the boy
moaned and curled fingers into the older man's hair. Part of Eggsy drifted into
a fantasy that this was what had happened so long ago - Harry had caught him
and dragged him back to his house, then set about convincing him never to leave
again.
Surely Harry had dreamed of such scenarios. He'd admitted as much to Eggsy
several times. And the fact that he was showing that little bit of force with
Eggsy now after Eggsy had strongly implied he might like Harry when he was
forceful was tantamount to admitting Harry enjoyed the thought of it as well.
Even if he didn't know what Eggsy was imagining specifically.
Harry moved his weight to his shoulder and pinned Eggsy's hips with his hands.
His breath was coming faster and he began to nip little bites along Eggsy's
collarbone. They weren't painful, but Harry did always like to taste him.
Eggsy finally let his fantasy spin out. He could pretend Harry had murdered the
gang he'd been running with to get him back. That he'd been whisked away
somewhere secret where no one else would ever find him. Maybe he'd be locked in
a room in Harry's house, or kept somewhere in the spy headquarters. Harry would
come to him right before a mission to steady his nerves, and then afterwards to
take the edge off, still smelling of blood and gunpowder.
Eggsy could smell his cologne now, a light spice so familiar and yet easy to
imagine in a different scenario. Harry might have been able to keep him
grounded with things like that. Harry would have used all his kind words and
all his soft touches to keep Eggsy calm even when he wasn't free anymore. Harry
was so good at such things. He was good at it because he meant it. Before that
could sink in and turn sour, Harry's hand brushed against Eggsy's cock and the
flat of his tongue pressed against Eggsy's neck where Harry had opened his
mouth over it. He began sucking as he stroked Eggsy to the time of his thrusts,
seemingly doing his best to make Eggsy forget everything else.
Harry was remarkably good at that, too. Eggsy cried out and tried to buck up
against him, but there was little room to move. Harry was holding him steady,
pinning him in place with weight and pleasure. The slide back and forth inside
him was complimented by Harry's clever fingers and mouth. Eggsy couldn't think,
he just wanted. He wanted Harry like this, without consequences or worrying
about how things were going to turn out in the end.
Harry did, too. That was why Harry had done all of this. Harry had wanted
Eggsy, consequences be damned. And for the moment, it worked. When they were
like this, they wanted the same thing. It was too much to think about whether
Harry had moulded Eggsy to want what he did or to remember how much Eggsy had
already had the inclination towards attractive men like Harry. Those questions
waited for them outside the bedroom door.
Harry let go of Eggsy's neck and his hips stuttered before he reached Eggsy's
ear. He wanted to say something. Eggsy could tell. But even as he was losing
himself in Eggsy, Harry held back, so he nibbled at the boy's ear instead.
Eggsy cried out and arched, and Harry felt the boy tighten around him. Eggsy
twitched against Harry's palm. He didn't want the moment to end so soon. Eggsy
wanted to suspend time, maybe even suspend reality so it could be remade the
way he wanted it. Some reality where everything bad had never happened and
Eggsy could have everything that he wanted.
His limbs wrapped around Harry and Harry held him tight, still thrusting, still
working Eggsy through the last of it until Eggsy's cock was too over-sensitive
to the stroke of Harry's hand. Harry let him go, but didn't slow his own
thrusts. He pulled Eggsy's arms from around his neck and wrapped the boy up in
his own embrace, turning Eggsy so that he lay face down under Harry instead. In
that position he was trapped. The smooth sheets weren't as stimulating to his
cock, but Harry wrapped both his arms around Eggsy from behind and pressed him
down into the mattress hard with every motion.
Harry's breath came shaky against Eggsy's ear before the man gave a quick
series of thrusts and came.
Eggsy held onto the arms around him and breathed against the bedsheets, feeling
every twitch inside him until they became more gradual and finally ended. The
warm tingling of afterglow had started to spread through him, along with the
vague awareness of sore muscles. Eggsy didn't want to move or start thinking
again. He wanted to lay right where he was and sleep in Harry's arms without
having to worry about anything for a while.
Harry's hold on him loosened and he rubbed a hand up and down Eggsy's bare arm
followed by a kiss to his shoulder. For a long moment they rested like that
before Harry gently pulled out and turned Eggsy in his arms again. Harry didn't
go far. He reached for some tissues at the night stand and cleaned them up a
little, but no more than that before his arms were back around Eggsy.
Harry's smile was soft again, sated and happy. He brushed his finger against
the tip of Eggsy's nose and his smile widened.
Eggsy smiled back, although his own expression was a bit crooked, one corner of
his mouth curving up a bit more than the other. All of this was bringing back
fonder memories. A man who only really cared about the sex and knew he had the
power to get it wouldn't care so much about cuddling after the fact, or his
partner's wellbeing. "...guess I don't got any more ground to complain about
Bond girls in the films, huh."
Harry laughed. "Not my type, anyhow." He stretched and the movement was so
familiar. Even the way Harry's fingers splayed across Eggsy's back before he
settled again brought back a dozen memories. "But look at you," Harry went on,
pressing a finger to Eggsy's lower lip, "You would be striking in cinema. Eyes
so clear, mouth so red after...well, after someone's been kissing it." Harry's
smile took on a similar crooked edge, delighting at the thought.
"Nuh uh. No way I'm doin' movies. Not that sort, anyways, not unless I got to
be a soldier or... a sports star, or maybe a gangster. Or a spy," Eggsy added,
nudging Harry in the ribs gently. "None of the romance stuff. I mean, could you
imagine? I think that'd end up pretty borin'."
"I agree wholeheartedly on that front. No rom-coms for me, thank you." Harry
was grinning now. "But I'll go for a good old-fashioned spy film any day."
Harry let his head rest against the pillow and his fingers drift down the back
of Eggsy's neck. They were comfortably warm if sweaty and sticky. But then
Harry's eyes fell on something behind Eggsy on the opposite night stand and
Eggsy didn't have to ask to know what it was when the man's face fell and he
sighed. "We're definitely past time the Wilson's would be expecting you back."
"Shite. I don't wanna move." And there was the question of cleaning up. He
couldn't come back reeking of sex. Eggsy pulled a face. "You didn't leave a
mark, did you? When you was havin' a go at my neck for a bit? What're we even
gonna tell them for why I'm so late back?"
Harry looked him over. "I think you're okay, just keep an eye on it for a
couple hours. There's an art fair a few streets from Piccadilly Circus going on
this weekend. We'll tell them we stopped there for a time after seeing the
film. But I think a quick shower is in order first." Harry lifted himself up on
his elbow and gave Eggsy an apologetic smile, curling his fingers in the boy's
hair.
Eggsy groaned, but he rolled over and got up. Delaying would only make things
worse and make it less likely the Wilsons would buy the excuse. The boy
gathered up his clothes from the floor and started making his way towards the
bathroom. "I don't even know what I'm gonna do if they start askin' me a bunch
of questions about what the movie was about."
"I'll look up a review online," Harry called behind him.
A minute later, Harry joined him in the toilet. They both needed to clean up
since it would be impolite for Harry not to stop in and say hello before he
left. Especially since they deliberately turned their "official" meetings into
very casual ones. He'd want to reassure the Wilson's that he thought they were
doing a good job as well, and inform them of how Eggsy received his new laptop
and not to worry about the cost.
Eggsy did not look happy to be so rushed or to have the spell of the evening so
abruptly broken. The boy had wanted to avoid thinking and consequences, and now
all he was doing was thinking about how to avoid consequences. "Least it's not
a long drive back. Fuck. Should've... set an alarm, or somethin'."
"It's alright. We haven't been late often." Harry turned the shower on while
Eggsy stepped inside, but took the head down so that he could run the water
over them both without getting their hair wet. Harry tried to sooth Eggsy with
the weight of his palm and reassurances, but he was moving quickly, too. They
simply didn't have time to linger.
When they were finished in the shower, Harry wrapped a towel around his waist
and used another to dry himself as he went back to the bedroom to find his own
clothes.
Eggsy dried as quickly as he could and threw on his clothes in a hurry. They'd
been stripped off early enough that there shouldn't have been any lingering
musky smell on them, but Eggsy didn't know if he'd been able to smell it or not
if there was. He'd have to hope for the best.
When he exited into the hallway, Harry was just about finished changing.
"....y'know, I'm amazed you can get all those tiny buttons so quick."
"Practice." Harry tossed him a cheeky smile before he went to the office and
unlocked the computer again. "Go ahead and search for a review while I pack up
your laptop, would you?" Harry went to find a carrying case and wrap up all the
cords Eggsy would need. It was a new model, but it wouldn't be so strange that
it was out of the box since Harry would have presumably had to install the
basic software Eggsy would need for homework on it.
Eggsy nodded and slid into the seat, tapping away at the keyboard. It felt
surreal that after the previous fight to get access that Harry let him use his
computer now so unhesitatingly. No less a miracle than the fact that he was
back in the house with Harry at all, or that they had just been kissing and
having sex. "...right, I think I've got somethin'. Looks easy enough to
remember."
Harry bent over his shoulder. "I'd better have a look as well. Just in case."
He skimmed and nodded, then patted Eggsy's shoulder. "Good work, agent." Harry
gave him a wink before he straightened. "Now go put your shoes on, we'd best be
off."
Harry picked up the computer case and led the way back downstairs. Mr. Pickle
got up from his bed to greet them, Eggsy especially since he'd been upstairs
for most of the night and Harry had trained the dog to stay on the ground floor
unless he was otherwise invited.
Eggsy rolled his eyes but did as he was told. "That wasn't hard. Hard was
sneakin' you out of that compound. Or sneakin' away in the first place. I hope
you don't make an agent outta everyone that can look stuff up in the newspaper
or on the computer, because you lot's gonna be in trouble right quick if your
bar's that low." Eggsy reached out to give the dog a scratch behind his ears
before lacing up his sneakers.
"Yes, yes, mock me for appreciating your help, however small." Harry cast his
eyes to the ceiling, but rubbed Eggsy's shoulder before he went to find his own
shoes. He knew why Eggsy objected to light-hearted praise, though. Eggsy had
done a lot more for Harry than simply help with a cover story when they were in
a hurry and they both knew it.
Harry checked himself in the mirror, finger combing his hair back into place
and smoothing it down at the sides and back until he looked somewhat like his
usual self. A touch more rumpled perhaps, but it would be barely noticeable to
anyone but Eggsy.
Eggsy tugged his coat on, and then they were ready, walking down the stairs to
the garage and sliding into the car for the trip back home like so many times
before. The new laptop was a comforting weight on Eggsy's lap. It didn't even
the score, but a bit of power was a balm after having so little.
Harry knew he was going to be watched, but he couldn't keep his guard up
forever. Eventually he'd relax, or briefly forget. He'd never know exactly when
Eggsy was watching, and Eggsy planned to make use to that.
Perhaps most importantly, neither of them knew how long this would go on. Time
had a way of revealing secrets no matter how hard one tried to avoid it. Harry
knew that even better than Eggsy did.
As expected, the drive wasn't long. Traffic was mild and they parked on the
street not far from the Wilsons' flat. After one last once over in which Harry
made sure Eggsy didn't look too dishevelled and there was no obvious bruise
forming at the base of his neck, Harry led them up the walk and rang the
buzzer.
The door opened almost immediately to relieved faces. The Wilsons had, indeed,
noted the late hour and their absence. "Goodness! Eggsy, Mr. Hart, where have
you been? We've been worried sick wondering why you didn't call us. What
happened?"
"My apologies for not calling sooner. We happened upon the art fair down on
Leicester Square and lost track of the hour." Harry didn't miss a beat. "I'm
terribly sorry to have kept you up worried for so long. But we had to stop over
at the care services office to pick up a gift for Eggsy as well. Something you
might appreciate," Harry added with a smile.
Donna's eyebrows rose and her face turned from worry to mild curiosity. "What's
that?"
"Why don't we step inside and I'll show you?" Harry asked and the Wilson's
obliged, pushing back the door and taking Eggsy and Harry up the way to their
flat. "Now, I was going to send this along with Eggsy's tutor, but we were in
the area after our meeting and I figured it wouldn't be too much extra trouble.
When Eggsy began his studies, I applied for a small grant that was just
recently approved and we were able to purchase a laptop for his use. One that
should last a few years and allow him to do his homework on his own."
Kevin looked surprised, but quickly approving. "Well, we certainly weren't
expecting you to do so much all in one day. And a computer of your own! What do
you think about learning to program, Eggsy?" Very subtly, the Wilsons'
disapproval at their tardiness began to turn around.
Harry went on about the different programs they'd had installed for Eggsy's use
as Donna led them inside and put the kettle on. He opened up the case to show
Kevin at the dinner table and after only a few minutes, Harry had the man
nodding along, enthusiastic about the new gift and how Eggsy might make use of
it.
"I haven't gotten to practice with it yet, since we just got it on the way
back, but it's great, don't you think? I ain't never had anythin' this fancy of
my own before," Eggsy gushed, doing his best to look pleased at what he knew
the Wilsons wanted to hear: that he'd be using it for learning, not for
recreation. "I think learnin' to program would be neat, but it's gonna help
with homework, I think. I might not hafta run to the library all the time if I
can just look stuff up on this."
Kevin clapped Eggsy on the back, still leaning over to take a look at the
programs Harry chose and the operating specs. "I think this will be a great
idea. Thank you, Mr. Hart."
"Just as long as you didn't have to purchase it yourself," Donna chimed in,
bringing over tea for Harry and Eggsy.
Harry took his and thanked her. "I had a feeling you'd say that, but rest
assured, the grant covered it. And he'll have a bit extra if you need to
purchase anything else for school when the time comes."
It wasn't hard to see how Kevin was won over. The man worked as a programmer
for a living and Harry had known the computer as a gift would distract him
while the art fair would explain away the extra couple hours. Presumably, that
busy of a day out would allow Eggsy to retire to bed early as well, with fewer
questions from both the Wilsons.
"I kinda wanna set it up, but I don't think I'm gonna be awake long enough for
it. Maybe I can get to it tomorrow before lessons start." Eggsy didn't have to
fake being tired. He still felt like he wanted to crawl into bed, although not
for the reasons his foster parents would have guessed. "Thanks for the movie
and dinner an' everythin', Mr. Hart. It was great, and I'm gonna get a lot out
of the computer, I think."
Eggsy turned to look at Donna and Kevin. "Sorry you got so worried waitin'
around for me."
The pair glanced at each other, but after a moment's thought Donna gave a shrug
and an apologetic smile. "That's okay. I suppose we're just not used to it yet,
worrying when you're out later than expected. At least we knew you were with
Mr. Hart, of course." It was clear they were relieved, and pleased with the way
Eggsy's time had been spent, but unsure how to feel about them returning later
than expected.
"I must confess I have a bit of a reputation for tardiness, but I shall try not
to make a habit of it for Eggsy's sake." Harry offered them a smile before he
rose from the table. "I'll leave you to it, then. Eggsy, it was good to hear
you're getting on well today, and I certainly enjoyed our time out. Donna,
Kevin, you have my utmost appreciation for taking care of him so well so far."
Harry and the Wilsons exchanged their goodbyes, and it wasn't long before Eggsy
met Harry's eye one last time before the man was out the door.
Eggsy begged off promptly, protesting that he'd been fed quite enough that
night and had gotten more than enough activity with rushing about to want to
have an early turn-in to set up his new computer and go to sleep. His foster
parents seemed to accept this with grace, which left Eggsy sprawled out atop
his bed, logging into the system and waiting for Harry to enter back into
camera range.
The drive wasn't far, but it seemed to take ages. Eggsy had to check the clock
twice before the camera in the garage caught the large, black form of a car
pulling in. Harry stepped out and made for the stairs, the headlights shutting
off behind him and the feed switching to night vision just before he moved out
of the frame. Eggsy knew he was ascending the stairs, however, because a moment
later on the first floor, the door to the garage opened.
Harry closed it behind him, but instead of moving on into the house, taking off
his jacket or putting away his keys, he leaned there with his shoulder against
the door. Eggsy saw him take a deep breath. He looked tired.
Eggsy could almost picture being back in the house. He knew every inch of those
stairs, that kitchen. He knew the suit Harry was wearing, and how it felt
beneath his fingers. He'd seen Harry look fatigued before, but only when he
knew for certain he was being watched. Perhaps Harry might guess that Eggsy
would begin watching immediately, but he couldn't know for certain. He couldn't
know at all, only that he would be watched at random.
Harry would know that even if Eggsy wasn't watching now, he could still go back
through the logs. Harry knew Eggsy was going to see this.
But Harry pushed off the door finally. He put his keys into the little bowl at
the table by the door like Eggsy had seen him do dozens of times before and
hung up his jacket. He loosened his tie as he walked through the hall and into
the kitchen, but not all the way. Just in that comfortable position Eggsy often
used to see when he came home from a long day at work. Eggsy lost him for a
moment when he had to find the next feed, but he soon found Harry again, Mr.
Pickle trotting after him, and Harry ignored the dog. Instead Harry went for
the liquor cabinet and poured himself a few fingers of dark liquid from a small
bottle on which Eggsy didn't catch the name.
Eggsy watched the long-legged figure sink comfortably into an armchair he
himself had sat in before. He knew exactly how it felt, the plush give of the
fabric and cushioning and the lines of stitching holding it together, and how
it smelled of years in a pleasant way instead of the depressing mustiness that
so many pieces of old furniture had. Eggsy knew the rug Mr. Pickle laid down
upon, having wrestled the dog atop it before and seen the floral patterns
hooked in finely dyed fibre, as well as having felt it chafe and burn against
his skin when he slid the wrong way atop it.
Eggsy had camped beneath those nearby chairs and throw blankets in makeshift
forts, delighting to stories of the exploits of superheroes lit by torch. He'd
set mugs full of tea or hot chocolate upon those tables, possibly been careless
enough to spill and leave faint ring marks. He knew that house, but he didn't
know if he really knew the man who lived in it.
Harry took a sip from his glass and then leaned back. He closed his eyes,
resting there unmoving, entire body limp in the chair but for the tumbler in
his hand.
A part of Eggsy had wondered if Harry would come home and wave at all the
cameras. Just to let Eggsy know he knew he was being watched. Just so they both
knew that Harry wasn't completely powerless in this situation. But apparently
not. Although this could be a show for Eggsy's benefit, too. Harry taking
another long drink and letting his gaze wander aimlessly around the room. He
had to be thinking about it. He knew very well where all the cameras were. Or
maybe Harry really was just that tired.
Eggsy thought that unlikely. Harry could get tired, but he still kept up his
facade for quite some time when they were living together, regardless of how
tired or injured or buzzed he happened to be. Harry had relaxed and lied to
Eggsy the entire time about what he'd been up to and where his injuries came
from. Appearances meant nothing with the man.
After a few more minutes, Harry finished the glass and got up. This time, Mr.
Pickle didn't follow when Harry went to deposit the glass in the dishwasher.
The dog did get a scratch behind his ears when Harry returned to turn off the
light and make his way upstairs.
Eggsy watched as Harry went about his nightly routine, brushing his teeth,
washing his face, changing into night clothes, all the while not once giving
any indication he was aware of being watched. This must have been how Eggsy had
acted on camera when Harry was watching so long ago. Just going about his
routine, seemingly none the wiser.
Harry had to know, though. That he was being watched that moment, or would be
watched later. He had to know that as soon as Eggsy was alone, he'd take
advantage of the new access to get a simple sort of revenge by stripping
Harry's privacy away. Eggsy looked and looked, enjoying it all while trying to
spot any tells, any hidden meanings. He saw nothing. Harry got ready for bed
much as Eggsy remembered from other nights. He watched the older man finish his
evening routine and turn down the lights, then walk towards the bedroom and
slide under the sheets Eggsy had just been spread across not that long ago.
The only thing that might have been unusual was how long Harry's hand rested
over the alarm clock after he'd set it. Only then did he turn off the bedside
lamp and plunge the room into darkness.
Night vision wasn't quite the same. Some light filtered in through the tall
window at the other end of the room and it landed across the foot of the bed,
making it appear very bright. Harry was still visible, however, laid out on his
side, blankets pulled up to his shoulder, even if he was cast in odd green
hues. Eggsy saw him close his eyes and after that, Harry didn't move again.
Eggsy wondered how he could go right to sleep like that, after everything.
Perhaps Harry was used to it, after having to sleep whenever he got the chance
on long missions. Eggsy certainly couldn't drift right off like that. Knowing
that he had access to the camera feeds made it even more difficult, because
whenever he started reminiscing about things or thinking about his future and
what he wanted, Eggsy now didn't have to entirely rely on memory. He could see
Harry, or his house, any time he wished.
He had to wonder if Harry would act like this all the time. Like everything was
normal. Just doing whatever. Intentionally boring, maybe. Maybe that was
Harry's plan, to just hide whatever he was really reading or writing or
watching or thinking. Harry could spend more time at the headquarters building
he'd taken Eggsy to. He could practically live there if he wanted; he had his
own room and everything he needed. He didn't have to stay home if he wanted to
see friends. If Harry had any friends. If it had ever become routine for Landon
to visit after Eggsy had left, Harry might just ask to meet somewhere else.
There were so many ways Harry could still hide, but at least he couldn't all
the time. The still form underneath the sheets proved that.
Eggsy watched. The cameras were limited, which was a curse at the moment but a
blessing in retrospect. He could only see so much, but that meant the same for
Harry as well. Harry wouldn't have all the recordings of him that he might
wish. Just as Eggsy was finding. He could watch Harry's sleeping form but could
only see so much of his face. He wanted more, but more was off limits beyond
feeling the residual ache inside him and remembering the last few hours they’d
spent together in detail.
Chapter End Notes
     As usual, you can join us this Saturday (10/7) for the chat at the
     Dark_Kingsman_Block_Party!
***** Chapter 49 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Harry didn't stir for the rest of the night. Eventually, Eggsy had to shut down
the computer, wary that it might be seen by Donna or Kevin should they
unexpectedly open his door in the morning, and go to bed himself. Harry's still
form stayed with him until sleep finally came.
===============================================================================
The next morning when Eggsy awoke to his alarm, having to be ready before his
tutor arrived for his daily lessons, he checked the feeds again and found that
Harry had already left for the day. The logs for that morning showed Harry
waking up, pulling himself out of bed, and getting ready in the same simple
routine Eggsy remembered. Almost the same routine. Maybe it was just Eggsy's
imagination, but Harry moved faster, more by rote than he had when Eggsy had
been there. Instead of making a full breakfast, Harry pulled a few pastries out
of the pantry and made himself a cup of coffee in a travel mug. It was all very
efficient and before Eggsy knew it, he was out the door.
Harry's evenings went by much the same. He came home, said hello to Mr. Pickle,
made a small dinner, and then laid himself out on the couch with his laptop or
a book or a puzzle to occupy his time and didn't move from there until it was
late. He tended not to look at the cameras either, although Eggsy was sure
Harry knew he was watching at this point.
Days passed and soon it had been a week of Harry resembling a robot in the
mornings and came home tired and alone. As far as Eggsy could tell, he didn't
seem discontent, but Harry certainly didn't smile as much, either.
Eggsy couldn't imagine that this was how Harry lived. Really lived. He had to
be limiting things, knowing that he was being watched. He had to be trying to
hide as much of himself as possible. Perhaps because, like before, he was
reluctant to reveal who he really was and how he really was, or perhaps trying
to make Eggsy frustrated and drive him towards visiting in person more often.
After all, if Eggsy's primary motivation was just to see Harry, he could now do
that from the comfort and privacy of his bedroom without having to deal with
their entire messy history and complicated emotions.
Often Eggsy would fast forward until Harry did something interesting and then
go back to rewatch as he liked when he wasn't doing homework or otherwise
occupied by his new foster parents. Harry took phone calls occasionally. They
weren't usually long and most often consisted of making plans to meet with
someone for lunch or do other things during the day and Eggsy figured the calls
came from work. One of those, however, was finally the confirmation Eggsy
needed to know that Harry was well aware he was being watched.
Eggsy was sure Harry was speaking with Landon when he picked up the phone one
night as he lounged on the couch. Their greeting was amiable, and Harry
answered questions on how he was doing and then came the usual plans to meet
later in the week, but then Harry began to talk about Eggsy. When he'd seen
Eggsy last, how he wasn't sure when they'd see each other again. The caller
seemed to listen and already be aware of the context.
The boy's eyes narrowed. He didn't trust Harry's friend, particularly when
Landon seemed to be a bloodthirsty liar. Harry had lied, and he'd killed, but
he didn't seem to have enjoyed it. He'd done both because he had to, or because
it was his job, or it kept him from something he wanted. Eggsy couldn't trust
who Landon was, between the cold manipulative man who'd occasionally attempted
to comfort him and warm him up, and the man who creepily watched him and got
Harry to kill for him to suit his own ends and feelings. Of course Landon
already knew about everything. And of course Harry had already told him.
Harry shifted down on the couch and made himself more comfortable. His long
legs took up nearly the whole thing and he cradled the phone with one hand
while the other let the book he'd been reading drop to the coffee table. But
Harry kept talking about Eggsy all the while. He'd stop and listen sometimes,
and the conversation had the kind of cadence that made it seem as though they'd
had this conversation before. But again and again Harry repeated how much he
missed Eggsy. Whatever feedback he was getting from the other end of the phone
did not seem to tell Harry off for it.
Eggsy couldn't stand it. Harry's words made him ache, and also made him
suspicious. How much was he saying simply because he was betting on Eggsy
watching him later? How much was true? And why did he tell Landon so much? If
they'd been working together as partners in the field for years, it made a
certain sense for Harry to trust Landon with his life when he was working a
job. Not so much for the rest of his personal life. Normal friends didn't agree
to let the other one watch them naked, showering, eating, having sex, and
thinking there was nothing wrong or odd about it.
Which, Eggsy thought, perhaps said something about himself. Harry started
things first, but he himself had asked for unlimited access to be able to watch
and listen to Harry when he was at home. He couldn't pretend that he wasn't
detached from it all.
On the whole, Harry didn't have normal relationships, either. Eggsy knew what
it was supposed to be like, or what people said it should be like, anyhow.
Harry wasn't normal like the families on the telly were normal. If he were on
telly, Harry would have either been the villain or one of those Bond types, but
even more reclusive. Even compared to his mum, with all her faults in drinking
and choosing men, the relationships Harry seemed to have with other people were
so far removed from the world Eggsy used to live in. As far as Eggsy knew,
Harry only had two people besides his coworkers who were close--himself and
Landon.
When Harry hung up the phone, he stared at it for a minute and then sighed and
got up to make himself a drink.
Eggsy couldn't help but watch the sway of Harry's body as he walked into the
kitchen, or the finely tailored lines of his clothing and how they clung just
right when he paused and bent slightly to choose one of of the bottles from his
collection. Harry certainly looked the part of one of those Hollywood spies or
villains. All he was missing was an appropriately malevolent looking cat, or a
metallic hand, or a missing eye. He was too kindly and warm looking, and
slightly ridiculous with his dog, which was the reason Eggsy had even been
taken in in the first place.
What a convenient excuse Mr. Pickle had made for Harry to visit that park. And
talk with Eggsy. The dog still sat lazily sprawled out in the living room.
Although Mr. Pickle was far better behaved than he'd been on those occasions in
the park, he seemed to be getting mellower every time Eggsy saw him. But it had
also been a couple years since Harry had first introduced himself to Eggsy, and
even then Mr. Pickle had already been an old dog.
Harry returned with a glass half filled and settled himself upon the couch
again, this time slowly draining the glass while he paged through his book.
Eggsy sighed in frustration. Harry wasn't doing anything. His book wasn't even
interesting, from what Eggsy could make of the cover. There were no secret
moments to pry loose, no pieces of new information that dropped into his lap.
Harry's evenings at home were boring. Empty. Harry was only a bit more alive
than the butterflies stretched out and pinned behind glass, gorgeous and biding
their time in the quiet and the dark.
It remained that way for several more days. Harry had gone through a couple
books by then and Eggsy was beginning to think he'd only ever imagined Harry
being capable of fun when one evening, after Harry came home from work, ate
dinner, and sat himself down on the couch as usual, he finally put the latest
book down.
For a long moment, Harry laid there, staring at the ceiling. He didn't look
like he was ready to fall asleep, but he didn't look particularly awake either.
He'd removed his jacket and tie a while ago, but hadn't yet changed into his
night clothes as he sometimes did early. Just when it was getting to the point
where it appeared he wouldn't be doing anything at all, he laid his hands over
his middle and slowly, ever so slowly, slide them down his body until one ran
over the groin of his trousers.
Eggsy's eyes widened and he shifted closer to the screen, but not before
anxiously glancing at his bedroom door. His foster parents had never come in
without his permission, but Eggsy still preferred to wedge a chair under the
door knob just in case. If he was about to watch what he thought he was, he
didn't want to zone out only to find Donna or Kevin standing beside him,
mortified and demanding to know how and why he was able to watch his social
worker at home doing such things.
Harry still gave no indication that he was anything other than oblivious to
Eggsy's surveillance. He definitely wasn't trying to hide himself or what he
was doing, but even now there were no meaningful looks towards the nearest
camera. In fact, Harry closed his eyes as one hand undid the button of his
trousers and the other hand slipped inside. His head tilted back and his lips
parted. He breathed soundlessly as that hand began to move back and forth, not
quite gripping yet, still just using his palm. Even when Harry pushed under the
band of his pants, he still didn't open his eyes.
Eggsy followed the movements, watching intently. He'd never seen Harry do this
by himself, when he wasn't just trying to tease Eggsy before they spent time in
bed or on the sofa together. Harry had always looked at him, not shut his eyes.
Eggsy licked his lips and, as he watched, grew more and more aware of how
restless he felt in turn. He knew what it was like to touch Harry like that,
and for Harry to touch him like that.
After another glance at the doorway, Eggsy got to his feet and slipped out of
his trousers. In seconds he was back on his bed, hidden under the covers and
watching the screen again.
Harry was now gripping himself beneath the fabric of his trousers. Eggsy could
see the outline of his hand and the tip of his cock jutting against the
material. Very soon, Harry was liable to get frustrated with the restriction of
it, but it didn't happen as quickly as Eggsy thought it might.
Harry's eyes only fluttered open to glance down at himself when he finally did
pull his cock out. His long fingers gripped it tightly before running in unison
up its shaft. Harry's cock had always seemed huge to Eggsy, who had little to
compare it to other than his own until he started seeing porn. And Harry was
big, he supposed, but not like a porn star. His cock fit well with his large
hands and long limbs. Harry breathed deep and closed his eyes again, this time
tipping his head back as he started to slowly pump.
Eggsy mirrored him, the laptop balanced on his knees while he drew his own cock
out. He hadn't dared try to nick lubricant at one of the convenience stores,
just in case his foster parents found it, but he had snatched up a spare bottle
of lotion from elsewhere in the house. The feel of it was always a shock
against heated skin, but thankfully it warmed up quickly. Eggsy began stroking
himself in time with Harry's movements, hardly thinking about what he was doing
other than that he wanted.
Unsurprisingly, Harry had lube conveniently on hand, but it wasn't until he got
himself worked up that he stretched to fetch it from the end table. He then
laid himself out again, eyes firmly shut and seemingly uninterested in
undressing any further. His teeth clenched and his lips parted as he stroked,
but even with the volume up as much as Eggsy dared, he could barely hear Harry.
The man was either losing himself in sensation alone, or he was picturing
something very specific.
Eggsy wished he knew what Harry was thinking about. The point of making Harry
give him access to the cameras hadn't just been a matter of trying to even the
score. Eggsy wanted a look inside the older man's head, to have a better idea
of who he was dealing with and who he'd fallen so hard for.
There was no way to know without more context. Eggsy could ask him the next
time they saw each other, but that would of course rely on Harry telling him.
If Eggsy wanted to, he could pick up the phone right now and demand that Harry
tell him. Eggsy would have the benefit of seeing Harry while they were talking
when Harry wouldn't be able to see him in return. But that would require
breaking the moment, and Harry, even though he wasn't moving much more than his
hand, did seem to be getting into it.
Eggsy didn't want to interrupt, even on the off chance that Harry would tell
him the truth. Harry would know for certain he was being watched right at that
moment then, and perhaps even draw conclusions about just how regularly Eggsy
was watching him. Eggsy didn't want him to get overconfident. After being kept
in the dark and uncertain for so long, he wanted Harry to feel what it was like
to be at someone else's mercy and not know what was going to happen.
Either Harry was secretly worrying about whether Eggsy was watching him, or he
had the patience of a saint and was certain that Eggsy was. All things
considered, the latter was likely true. Even from the first night of reading
Harry's mission logs, it was very clear how well Harry had to act in long
stints to do his job. Of course he was more personally invested in what he had
going with Eggsy, and that might make a difference, but...between the two of
them, Harry was the one used to waiting.
Except for now. Harry's hand was squeezing himself at the tip of every upstroke
and Eggsy could hear his faint breaths now. He wasn't going to last much longer
and without Eggsy there with him, he didn't need to.
There was something vaguely dirty about watching Harry like this, knowing
permission or no. He could have done what Eggsy used to, of course, and hidden
safely under the covers in his bedroom, but that wasn't Harry's style. Harry
hid a lot about himself, but he'd never been shy regarding his sexuality.
Eggsy felt his stomach tighten the more he listened to Harry breathing and the
occasional wet, slick sounds of lubricant. His own hand started to move faster,
building towards a heated pressure at the base of his spine.
Harry finally moved when he came. His back straightened and his hips lifted off
the cushions, but not a drop of cum landed on his shirt. Eggsy saw it
glistening in the lamplight between his fingers, closed tight over the head of
his cock, and obviously Harry was practised at that. He held that way before he
let his body relax and slumped down into the cushions again. His breaths evened
into a normal rhythm, if deeper than usual, and Harry let himself lay there
before his eyes opened and he stared blearily at the ceiling.
Eggsy bit back a soft cry and his own hand stilled, but unlike Harry, not
without mess. Between the slide of his fingers, something clear and sticky
escaped and dripped onto his bare stomach. Eggsy touched it while he caught his
breath, and a realization caused him to go very still.
He was growing up. He knew this, obviously, but the evidence of what it meant
was now right in front of him. Someday soon, he was going to start being able
to cum, with more of this fluid, and then everything would begin to change.
Including Harry, and what Harry thought of him.
The man on the screen reached for the box of tissue paper on the end table and
cleaned himself up before tucking his cock away and refastening his trousers.
Harry looked tired, but in that soft way Eggsy remembered although it seemed
subdued. He pulled himself up and went to wash his hands and bin the tissue,
and, it turned out, pour himself a drink.
Harry drank when Eggsy had lived with him, but as far as Eggsy could see now
that he was watching the man every day, Harry was drinking more. And almost all
of it was hard liquor, not the wine they often indulged in over dinner.
Eggsy couldn't remember Harry indulging that way so often. Indeed, it was more
notable now that Eggsy got to see all of Harry’s day. Harry slept, got up and
went to work, came home, ate dinner without the care he'd put into any of the
meals they used to share, and drank while reading a book. Harry's life felt
hollow, and it was all the more obvious how alone he was.
When Eggsy's mother had been depressed, she drank, but she went out with
friends. She used the company of others to make herself feel better. Harry
seemed to do nothing of the sort, and Eggsy had never gotten the impression
that he might have. Even when they were together, there had been times when
Eggsy asked if Harry had had other friends, or family, and the answer besides
work and Landon was largely 'no'.
Harry could be faking all this. He could be pretending his life was empty
without Eggsy, but it was hard not to feel anything when seeing Harry this way.
It would also explain why he might be loath to give up Landon as a friend, if
true. If Harry's existence had always been this lonely, Landon would have been
his main social connection. His only social connection. Eggsy tried, and
failed, to imagine what a life like that must be like - to spend most of your
time at work pretending to be other people and lying to achieve the goals of
your mission, then coming home to nothing. It wasn't even as if Harry could
easily make friends in other places. He couldn't endanger his status as a spy.
He couldn't fit in among the gay community, as Eggsy was pretty sure he
wouldn't find a warm welcome there. If Harry tried to do something else, it
would be like bringing his work home: pretending to be someone else in order to
make people like and trust him.
That would be exhausting, and for naught. You couldn't build deep, meaningful
connections in that way, not if you never opened up and were yourself.
And so that left Harry there. In his house in the city, all alone.
He hadn't been open with Eggsy when Eggsy had come to live with him, but he had
been...a little bit, it seemed. If it was true that Harry had had other boys
before Eggsy, but never any he'd manipulated into living with him, if they had
all been short affairs, then...in some small ways Harry did open up to Eggsy
more than most. Not so small ways if one were to include Eggsy's discovery of
Kingsman along the way. But Harry hadn't intended that to happen and Eggsy had
no way of knowing if Harry would have ever told him if he hadn't found out.
Eggsy could never know the impossible. He couldn't predict things that had
never happened in the past, because they never would happen now. Harry had made
the choices he had. Eggsy had found out about Kingsman, and about everything
else. They both were where they were. The difference was that Eggsy had a great
many choices in front of him, including the option to take advantage of Harry's
contrition in terms of monetary boons and connections, and to make his own way
while leaving Harry behind. If he so desired.
Harry would continue to live as he had, alone, going from one mission to the
next and returning to an empty house unless he tried to ensnare someone else or
live a lie with an adult spouse he managed to find.
Eggsy had no obligation to do anything about that. If Harry had lived that way
before him, then Harry could manage that way again. Eggsy hadn't asked Harry to
manipulate his life so that they could live together, even though every
decision he'd made to go to Harry had seemed so real at the time. And Eggsy
needed to take care of himself.
On camera, Harry didn't return to the living room to finish his drink. He stood
there in the kitchen, hip against the counter, lost in thought until it was
gone. Then he headed upstairs to his office. Harry finally changed into his
evening jacket and sat down at the computer, getting as comfortable as
possible. There were no cameras aimed directly at the screen, but Eggsy could
see Harry perfectly well as the man either brought up work or some personal
project.
Eggsy wondered what either might be. Harry might tell him, if he asked. He
could find out if it was work Harry was bringing home, or something Landon had
asked of him, or something personal. The boy's fingers itched, and he reached
towards his cell before cradling it in his palm.
Temptation proved too much to resist. Eggsy shot another glance at the door to
his room before dealing. He shifted lower on his bed, drawing the covers over
until he was encased inside, alone with the blueish glow from the laptop in
front of him.
On the screen, Harry visibly straightened. As though he really was startled out
of his thoughts. But he reached across the desk towards the mobile and read the
number on the screen. There was a definite pause before Harry hit the talk
button and brought it to his ear.
"Eggsy?" Harry's voice filtered crystal clear against Eggsy's ear, and he did
sound surprised.
"Hey, Harry." Eggsy kept his voice quiet, hoping that the covers muffled it
even more. He didn't want to be overheard. "Thought I'd check in, see how
you're doing. Is the week goin' alright? What've you been up to?"
Harry sat back in his chair, his face unreadable except that he was entirely
focused on the phone now. If Eggsy had to guess, Harry looked almost
suspicious. Maybe slightly concerned. Or slightly hopeful. It was very hard to
tell what he might be thinking, but his hand tightened on the phone and the
screen in front of him was forgotten.
"Not much I suppose." Harry sounded comfortable, calm. But Harry always sounded
comfortable and calm. "But I've been ok. Have you been well? Are you hiding
from the Wilsons? You sound very quiet."
"Mmm. I want a bit of privacy, is all. The walls are pretty thick, but we both
know that don't mean much. Thick ain't everything." Eggsy had a flicker of a
smile before he hid it, despite the fact Harry couldn't see him at all. That in
itself was comforting - he could see Harry, but he himself was well hidden for
once. "I've been alright, just thinkin'. What've you been thinkin' about?"
Harry paused. His head tilted and he crossed his free arm over his chest. Eggsy
caught the barest hint of a smile pulling at his mouth, a definite change from
how he'd been a few minutes ago.
"Eggsy, are you watching me?" Harry's tone sounded almost conspiratorial, not
accusatory. It could have almost been taken for granted. Eggsy had asked for
the cameras and it was still only the first week, and now that he had Harry on
the phone it was even more likely. But Harry was bringing it out in the open
now, when he hadn't made any overt effort to engage with Eggsy through the
cameras before.
"Maybe I am. Maybe I ain't. Not like you're gonna know unless I tell you,
right? Maybe you're down in the kitchen makin' dinner. Or maybe you're readin'
something in the den, like you used to sometimes when I was doin' homework down
there on the couch. Or maybe you're not readin' at all." Eggsy's whisper took
on a smug, excited note. He hadn't expected it to be so much fun to watch
Harry, or to think about watching him without the man knowing for certain that
he had an audience.
Harry chuckled, his face brightening with amusement. He settled more
comfortably in the chair and let his smile show. "Maybe I'm not. And maybe you
are watching. Or maybe I'd like to think you are. Sometimes, anyway. Times like
tonight." Harry wasn't looking at the camera Eggsy watched, but he was on
display nonetheless. It was subtle, but noticeable, the way he was now making
sure that Eggsy could see that smile, letting the line of his body face Eggsy's
general direction as though he was letting Eggsy look.
"You didn't really answer my question, though. Except for sayin' you like to
think I'm watchin', sometimes. Is that what you've been thinkin' about tonight,
me?" The change in Harry's body language was startling. It wasn't that
different, and yet it made all the difference. Harry earlier had been dejected,
quiet, and somewhat compact. Self-contained and shuttered. Harry at that moment
was starting to unfurl a bit, taking up more space and light and exuding more
confidence and happiness than he had earlier.
"You sound like you know very well what I've been thinking about tonight."
Harry's voice dropped into a familiar, smooth tone. "I suppose I could be
wrong, of course. You're right in that I can't presume on such matters. But I'd
like to think that you know already." With that, Harry turned the monitor on
its stand so that it faced the camera directed at Harry, and Eggsy saw himself
there on the screen. Not one of their intimate moments. The photos Harry was
looking at had been taken of them on holiday in France. Eggsy stood on a steep
hillside, with the ocean and a small village surrounded by greenery below him
in the distance.
Eggsy went quiet for a moment. He'd expected Harry to be engaged in work of
some sort, not reminiscing about a past vacation together. Certainly not with
such an intent look on his face. It served as confirmation for earlier - Harry
had to have been thinking about him.
Point in fact, he'd been thinking about Harry, as well, albeit with the aid of
being able to secretly watch him instead of relying on memories. Neither of
them had lasted very long while indulging their fantasies. "Maybe I can guess,
but I'd like you to tell me anyway. Please," Eggsy added quietly. "I just kinda
want to hear you."
Something about Harry's expression softened at that. He turned the monitor back
the way it was earlier and met the camera's eye. "I was thinking about you,"
Harry admitted. "I was wondering what you've been up to. And then I...," Harry
gave a soft laugh, "I had a bit of indulgence. And then I came up here, to the
office, when I was thinking about how much I missed you." Harry thumbed the
mouse next to his keyboard, an idle distraction. "One thing leads to another, I
suppose. But I have a lot of enjoyable memories to think back on."
"I remember that day. In France, I remember thinking it was so weird that it
was the same ocean I'd seen before, when mum had taken me south to walk on the
beaches for a bit, but it all looked and felt and smelled different because it
was a whole new country. To me, at least. Probably old hat to you, since you'd
been flyin' around doin' spy stuff for years by then." Eggsy laughed quietly,
falling back into memories of his own. "And when we got those puff pastry
things, you remember? I got some on me, and you made fun of me for it, so I
knocked your arm so you got cream on your nose and glasses when you took your
next bite."
"I remember. I remember having to wipe cream off my state of the art, Kingsman
crafted, thousand pound glasses just for your petty revenge. But the look on
your face made up for it," Harry chuckled and leaned back again. "I know how I
must have looked, but you...the way you laughed then. Like you were having the
time of your life and there was nothing in the world you'd rather be doing than
shoving my face into a cream puff." Harry wasn't looking directly at the camera
anymore, but his smile was wide and he was focused on nothing but the
conversation. "It was worth it, I think."
"Hey, in my defence, I didn't know how much they cost. Come to think of it,
shoving your face into one of those don't sound half bad right now," Eggsy
teased. He promptly regretted it, as his thoughts followed and were derailed by
the images his mind concocted of how he could utterly ruin all of Harry's
careful poise, calm demeanour, and sleek lines. "Or somethin'. I don't know how
you keep so tidy all the time, no matter what happens."
"Practise, I suppose. Although I do appreciate your attempts to provide a
challenge. Some more than others." Harry looked like he was reading into the
same notion that Eggsy was trying to pull himself away from. "What have you
been thinking about tonight? Have you gotten all your school work done? Have
the Wilsons still been treating you well?" Harry always asked these questions
when they hadn't seen each other for a while. They were strange in their
normality, but they would have been questions the Harry whom Eggsy had lived
with would have asked.
"Yeah, they've been ok, no diff'rent than usual. I've been havin' to get all my
homework done as early as I can so I don't miss anything, otherwise they might
start checkin' in on me to see how I'm doing on it." Eggsy didn't need to say
why that was something he needed to discourage. He would have anyway after
becoming too attuned to violations of his privacy and having his own personal
space, but his foster parents couldn't be allowed to discover that his laptop
wasn't as innocent a gift as it seemed. "Been thinkin' about stuff. You. Me.
Um..."
Eggsy flipped back the covers briefly, giving the door another glance, but it
was still firmly shut. He could faintly hear the Wilsons in the den some ways
off, laughing along to some comedy show on the telly. Eggsy ducked back down
and his voice dropped to barely more than a whisper. "Are you ever gonna not
like me?"
Harry's face on the screen fell. A furrow formed in his brows. He definitely
caught the weight in Eggsy's tone, but he didn't look like he understood where
it was coming from.
"What do you mean? Would you prefer it if I didn't like you?" Harry seemed
stiller than he'd been just a moment ago even though he hadn't been doing much.
It was hard not to wonder if the realisation of what Eggsy could be referring
to didn't come to Harry the more he thought. It surely crossed the man's mind
before. It would have had to.
"No. No, 'course not." Eggsy's reply tumbled out before he could think about
it, but once he did, he had to admit that it was correct. He still didn't know
how to feel about everything that had transpired, but it had, and Eggsy didn't
want to think about a future when Harry didn't like him. "I just... wondered.
If you were ever gonna change your mind about me. Like, in a couple years or
so. You'd said you thought I was gonna leave eventually, but you never said if
you wanted that to happen."
"When you get older." Harry didn't look either immediately relieved or
disappointed. But, slowly, he shook his head. When he spoke again, his words
were as quiet as Eggsy's. "I have to admit, I have always been attracted to you
as you are, and as you were when I first saw you. But...no." Harry gave a sad
smile, still avoiding the camera's eye. "You're Eggsy. You'll always be the boy
I love. Even when you're grown up and living on your own, you'll always be my
boy. I didn't know if I would feel that way when we first met. I didn't know if
I would lose my attraction to you as you grew, but I was sure that you would
find other lovers, ones that you were equally if not more infatuated with, over
time." Harry swallowed. "But I...I don't know, now, if I will ever stop being
attracted to you. I have begun to suspect that won't happen, and that was
something of a surprise to me. I do know that I will never stop liking you. Or
loving you."
"'Cause... I mean, I've already gotten bigger, since I left. And things keep
changing, and are gonna keep changing, and I wasn't sure if... If you wouldn't
be interested in me no more. Because I'd look so different. I don't... know how
this sort of thing works. How you work. Since you didn't really ever seem
interested in anyone grown up, I mean." Eggsy's throat got tighter and tighter
as he spoke, and he could feel the threat of tears at the corners of his eyes.
"Eggsy." Harry's voice cut through the line. "I will never stop loving you.
That's not how this works." Eggsy could hear Harry take a breath to calm
himself. "Disregarding the ways in which people--normal people, adults--fall in
and out of love with each other, you've already passed that point with me.
You're right in that I am very, very rarely attracted to other adults, and if
you were another boy I knew and perhaps spent some time with in a more casual
manner, then I might lose the attraction as you grew. But I don't think that
will happen with you. We've already been through too much. I already have too
many fond memories to lose that. When strong enough, each experience we've been
through builds on another until I...I find myself with the potential for
something I couldn't imagine. I know you'll grow up, very soon, but I can't say
that I'll lose that interest."
"I... I just-" Eggsy's throat closed up for a moment, and though his lips
parted, he couldn't get a word out. The boy had to take a couple seconds to
breathe, swallow, and calm down. The sudden silence couldn't have been
reassuring to Harry. "It's already started. I've never had it happen before,
but it did, but then I started thinkin' about everything else that goes with
all of that and that I might start changin' faster, and what would happen if...
if I made a choice, but then you decided you weren't interested anymore because
I'd changed too much."
"That is a risk in any relationship if we change too much from the people we
were before or drastically alter our appearance," Harry countered softly. "But
I knew you would grow up. If you're starting to notice changes in your body, I
knew that would happen one day. This isn't a surprise to me. It was always a
given. This isn't something I can reassure you with absolute certainty over,
but I have thought about it for a very long time, and as far as I can see, I
can't imagine not having at least a healthy amount of attraction towards you."
Harry sighed and ran his hand across his forehead in the image on Eggsy's
screen, trying to shake himself out of melancholy thoughts. "I can imagine you
as a young man, Eggsy. And if you still love me then, if you still smile at me
the way you do now, and if you haven't grown a caveman's beard so that I can
still see it, then I think I can anticipate how I'll feel."
Eggsy laughed at the thought, momentarily jostled out of his worries. "I don't
think you need to worry about that, I'm not much for beards. Neither was my
dad." Eggsy looked at the laptop screen, where Harry looked so small, and
abruptly wished he didn't feel so alone. His bed was comfy and warm, and the
Wilsons' house was secure. They were treating him very well, and he never had
to worry about food or clothing or coming home to a dangerous situation, but
Eggsy was alone. There were too many things he couldn't talk with Donna and
Kevin about, and he'd never be able to. They'd never really understand him.
Harry gave a light chuckle in return and relaxed a little in his chair. "No, he
wasn't. And you might look a little like him when you're older. Height, weight,
general build an all that. I don't think that would be so terrible. That is to
say, I was never secretly after your father, but he was an attractive man, as
far as one can speak objectively about such things. However, there is one
unfortunate detail I'm still quite certain of...." A smile tugged at Harry's
mouth. "You'll always be shorter than me."
"Oh yeah? Well, guess that means I've got an easy reach o'things, then." Eggsy
didn't mind staying shorter, although he hoped he wouldn't stay as short as he
currently was. Trying to reach cupboards, much less other things, were a chore,
and he didn't savour the idea of fielding jokes about his height for the rest
of his life. "Better be nice to me. You've got a lot farther to fall before you
hit the ground, and a lot more leg to trip up."
Harry laughed. "Planning retaliation already, are you? Of course you are. I
shouldn't even have to ask." He shook his head and glanced at the camera,
meeting Eggsy's eyes through the monitor. Harry's amusement quieted until just
a subdued smile remained upon his features. It was hard not to wonder if he was
thinking about Eggsy growing up, and about Eggsy's feelings on growing up,
maybe. "I think you'll be a fine young man someday. I really do."
"Just not so soon," Eggsy whispered back. Harry's reassurances aside, Eggsy
wasn't certain what was going to happen. Growing up had seemed like a dream,
like it was never going to happen. When he was younger it had been because
time, and the school year, seemed to drag on forever, and he wouldn't be grown
up for another hundred years. Then he'd lived in a dream with Harry, and then
the dream had shattered and all Eggsy could think about was scraping by from
day to day. The boy was still getting used to the fact that he might be able to
have a future, that he wouldn't be dead-ended into a minimum wage job or a life
of street crime.
Harry nodded. He looked like he understood. Maybe he was reading more into it,
but Eggsy couldn't know for sure. Either way, Harry looked satisfied with
Eggsy's stance on the matter.
"So," Harry stretched his legs out in front of him to get comfortable, "how
have you liked the surveillance system so far? I admit I have no idea how much
or how little you've been watching."
"It's been nice." Eggsy paused, thinking about whether he should admit his
thoughts or hide them. Hiding things would even the score between them more, as
Harry had kept him in the dark quite a lot, but Eggsy was tired. Of lies, and
pretences, and keeping everything bottled up all the time. "I like being able
to check on you whenever, instead of just wonderin'."
"Mm, I'm sure." Harry sounded sincere. "I find it...comforting, sometimes.
Granted, I don't know what you're thinking when you see me, and I know you've
had a lot of complicated feelings about me in general, but it's hard to imagine
you're watching out of pure retaliation." Harry made a face and gave a light
shrug, perhaps regretting saying as much. "However, that could possibly be due
to my ingrained familiarity with other people watching over me at strange
times."
Eggsy grimaced. Harry couldn't see it, of course, but Eggsy didn't like being
reminded that he wasn't the only one who tended to watch Harry. Or to be
watched, himself. "Don't get how you can do that. I mean, I guess it's
different if you know it's happening and said it was ok, instead of it bein' a
surprise, but... I'm not watchin' you for anything weird. And besides, I've
seen everythin' already."
Harry's mouth dropped open and an expression of mock offence came over him.
"And you don't want to see more? What's the point it you can't have a little
fun?" A smile came sneaking onto his mouth to replace the shock. The teasing
was light-hearted, but Harry sounded like he meant it. "I really wouldn't mind,
you know. But alright, I do know we've come at this from very different
positions. Still, if you can imagine it, it is nice to think that you are out
there with an eye on me."
"Harry...?" Eggsy shifted uneasily, not knowing how exactly to say what was on
his mind. He didn't think Harry would get angry with him, but he might not tell
the truth either. Perhaps that would tell him something else, if Harry tried to
brush his questions off and lied, but Eggsy didn't want that either. He didn't
want confirmation that Harry might still be shutting him out, but if he got the
truth, that truth might also be uncomfortable. "Has it always been like this?
You comin' home and...not really doin' much? But drinkin' and readin'?"
Harry's eyebrows rose. He looked mildly taken off guard. "Well, I...yes, I
suppose that is generally how I spend my time. I dabble in the odd project here
and there, but yes, I suppose I lead a fairly quiet life outside of work
or...other projects." Harry inclined his head, obviously speaking of Merlin.
"That might not have been what you were expecting. But when you live alone,
well, it tends to look rather boring from the outside. And I get up to plenty
at work, let me assure you. There is no question about that." Maybe it was
Eggsy's imagination, but Harry sounded a bit rushed to defend himself as he
went on.
"You gotta have something other than just... work for your boss, or work for
your friend. I mean, even when I used to be stuck in school all day and then
doin' homework all the time when I got back home, I still did other stuff. Went
out with friends, went explorin', taught myself new things. Watched movies.
Some of the time you just seem to eat a snack and go right to bed."
Harry went quiet. He inclined his head in acknowledgement and sighed before he
responded. "No, you're right. I've never had a particularly exciting home life,
preferring to be as reserved as I have been, but it has become...more
pronounced. I was not always entirely without hobbies though." Harry glanced up
to the camera again and this time held its unblinking gaze. His eyes weren't
stern, his face wasn't challenging. He looked like he was imagining he could
see Eggsy on the other side. "You kept me busy for a long time."
"I don't think I count as a hobby, though." Eggsy hoped he didn't. A hobby was
something someone did to pass the time, which could be easily dropped as soon
as one got tired of it and something new came along. "Friend, yeah. Friend and
crush, since you seem to have been followin' me around for a while, what with
all the recordings and stuff. But you gotta have more than just me and Landon.
Isn't there other stuff you like doin'? Like... I dunno, collectin'
butterflies? You've got a lot of those around the house."
A tiny bit more warmth entered Harry's smile. "I do. I haven't thought about
going out to find any more in a long time, but you're right, I do. I suppose
you could say my work has been acting in place of any other hobbies that might
occupy my time. It's been difficult for anything else to hold my attention
until recently." Harry thought for a moment. "I used to keep a garden in the
back. That spot where all the flowers grow, well, it used to be much more
orderly, and several of them have died off by now, but I'd thought about
expanding it across the side of the house, perhaps hanging some ivy. It was a
pleasant way to pass the time on the occasions the sun was out."
"What kinda stuff would you put out there?" Eggsy knew nothing about flowers.
The housing complex's limited space, and his mother's tight budget, never made
for such luxuries as flowers or houseplants. Whenever he'd seen things, it was
cheap plantings in the middle strip of greenery and trees, or walking until he
hit one of the public parks, and neither of them had ever labelled what the
plants were. Most people didn't care. They were temporary splashes of colour
that died soon enough when the fall and winter came.
Harry thought about it. "Foxglove, perhaps. They come in a lovely shade of pink
or violet, with little bell shaped heads and long stems. Something that would
frame the back door nicely. Maybe some variegated ivy to even out the bright
colours. I've always liked the idea of it climbing up the walls. It would lend
a touch of character, don't you think?" Harry gave the camera a look like he
wasn't quite sure if Eggsy was humouring him or not, like Harry wasn't sure if
Eggsy pitied him for his life being so dull that the boy was willing to talk
about gardening. "What are your hobbies lately?" Harry asked. "Rediscovering
any old ones?"
"Uh." Eggsy flushed, not that Harry could see. He didn't know if masturbation
counted as a hobby, and he wasn't certain he wanted to talk about it even if it
did. "Still lookin' at programmin' a bit, I guess. I thought about askin' if I
could do martial arts or somethin', since I kinda miss gymnastics, but it
doesn't seem all that useful to other people. And I'm already so behind in
school that I have to spend a bunch of time tryin' to catch up. I kinda want to
learn how to do photography, but that's expensive too."
"I'd say at least one regular physical activity would do wonders for being
cooped up inside studying," Harry offered, seemingly oblivious to what
specifically Eggsy was thinking about. Although Harry had an uncanny ability to
guess these things. Or, in the past, discover through surveillance. "In my
opinion, you shouldn't worry about whether what you want to try is useful, or
expensive. You're catching up with what's necessary already." Harry looked less
uncertain now that they were talking about Eggsy. There was fondness in his
face again. And then something caught his attention. Eggsy saw the moment it
happened. Harry's eyes lowered in thought and his head cocked ever so slightly.
Although, he looked hesitant about voicing his thoughts. "If you are interested
in programming...you know we might have one of the best teachers available."
"Oh, fuck no." The words poured out of Eggsy’s mouth before he could think
twice about it. He already knew where Harry was going with that thought. He'd
seen quite enough of Landon's office, and his work, to know the man was
skilled, but that was besides the point. "I may not get a choice 'bout you
bein' friends with him, Harry, specially after seein'... like, I get it, you
don't have many friends. Or ones you can trust, which is the same thing. But I
don't trust him, he won't even leave me alone."
Harry flinched, obviously regretting the offer. "Okay. Alright. I won't ask.
There are plenty of other ways to study programming. Probably easier when
learning the foundation." Harry took a deep breath and visibly shook off that
line of conversation. He cleared his throat and tried to make himself
comfortable again, even if he looked a little stiff. "Whatever you choose to do
though, you'll probably appreciate getting out of the flat once in a while,
until you're back to your regular classes."
"I am kinda stuck in here all day. 's not as bad as bein' stuck in my mum's
flat, since it's so big and there's stuff to do, but I don't really get out as
much as I want to unless we're doin' something together. There aren't other
kids in the neighbourhood that I know, really, and I dunno what I'd do if I
even met some. It's not like we'd have anythin' in common."
Harry hummed in acknowledgement. "Well, you have time to think on it more and
see if there are any classes being offered nearby. You might have a better
chance of making friends with a common interest. I'm sure Donna and Kevin would
be happy to help you find something, and I'm always here for recommendations.
But there's no rush. You can do what you prefer now, one step at a time." That
quiet fondness was in Harry's eye again as he looked through the screen, warm
and comforting.
"I dunno if I can... um." Eggsy looked at the man trying to look back at him
and reassure him without being able to see him at all. He didn't know if he
should be impressed or unsettled that Harry didn't seem at all hindered by not
being able to see him and looking at him just the same. "It just feels weird. I
know they're not poor or anythin', but I don't like askin' them for stuff."
"They are expecting to help you with these things," Harry offered gently.
"Whether you stay with them for years or move on, these are fairly normal
expenses when it comes to having a family, and they might worry about you
spending your own money when they could have helped. That said, they do know
you have some extra from the supposed grant I obtained for you, as well as your
own 'inherited' funds, so that is an option. All you need do is call me up and
I'll help with whatever payments you need."
Eggsy went quiet. It was more than fair to ask Harry to pay for such things. It
was the very least he could do, after all that had transpired. Eggsy knew he
deserved more than money for what he'd gone through. He'd never gotten shy
about wanting payback before, or having Harry pay for some of their times out
to the theatre and other places. Eggsy couldn't put his finger on why the
notion bothered him right then. "I don't just want money. Things. Y'know."
"I have no delusions that you do. You have asked for the reins to my
surveillance system, after all," Harry gestured vaguely around the room.
"However, it is well within my ability to provide these things for you, and the
things you're asking for...well, they're not simply clothes and games and fancy
trinkets. They're learning experiences. They might even turn into hobbies."
Harry's eyes dropped from the camera. "And I would be happy to see you enjoying
your time."
"You're not, though." Again, Eggsy spoke before he could think twice, and
immediately regretted his words. Harry didn't need to be reminded about how
sparse his life looked from an outside viewpoint. Eggsy hadn't decided on
anything, after all, beyond having him start to make up for the damage he'd
done and indulge a few needs Eggsy couldn't fulfil anywhere else. It shouldn't
be his business to worry or feel discontent with how empty Harry's life was,
and yet he did. "You're sittin' around feelin' sad, and drinkin' to try to
forget about it."
Harry looked flustered at that, but he could only offer a light shrug. "No
matter how I'm living, I am glad to see you doing well. I do mean that. They're
not necessarily dependent on one another." Harry didn't look happy, but he did,
as always, look like he believed what he said in spite of whatever he might be
feeling. The corner of his mouth twitched, but it wasn't a whole smile. Not the
kind of softness that warmed Harry's expression, not the kind that came so
easily to him.
"You're lyin'." Eggsy was sure, for once. Harry had lied so easily before,
smoothing things over and tucking truths and horrors underneath the unbroken
surface. "Not about seein' me do alright, 'cause that bit's true. But you ain't
happy. It's fuckin' obvious. You don't do anythin' without me there. Is that
what you did when I left? Nothin' but look for me?"
Harry shook his head, but not to negate the question. "More or less, yes. I was
on active missions much more often though. I requested them. But you
misunderstand. I don't mean that I'm all-around happy. I am happy to see you
well, in spite of missing you and in spite of the unhappiness in my own life."
Harry frowned. "You might not think that would mean so much to me, but...." He
gave a little shrug again. He seemed to be doing that a lot, not quite having
the right answers.
Eggsy was quiet again. He didn't understand. He knew on some level that his
mother would be happy he was doing alright, no matter what was happening with
her, but that was different. She was his mum. "You requested more missions,
huh. You trying to leave? Do so many missions that one time, you just don't
come back?"
Harry's lips thinned and he swallowed. He didn't answer right away. "I suppose
I was at the time. After it became clear you weren't coming back." He scratched
at his temple, looking away from the camera and then bringing his eyes back as
though he could see Eggsy waiting there watching him. "I didn't want to be
home. I wanted to forget when I could. It kept me occupied. Kept me distracted.
Forced me, even. There is no other option when I needed to play someone else.
Even the fighting isn't so bad when you...well, when you need a rush to get you
on your feet again. Or feel something else."
"Is that what you still want? Pack me off to someone nice, make sure I'm
alright, and then take a bunch of jobs until you don't come back? Jobs for your
boss, or for your friend?" Eggsy bit back his irritation at Harry's reference
to playing other people. He still didn't know how much of the Harry he'd known
was an act and how much was truly him.
"I don't want that." Harry's voice rose, but only just. "But it's better than
nothing." He stood then and paced a few steps forward, but turned just as
quickly. Harry didn't usually have pent up energy like that, but he looked like
he didn't know how to contain himself. Until he went for the decanter and glass
he kept at the side of the desk. Phone in between his ear and shoulder, Harry
poured himself a drink.
"Better than nothing?" Eggsy's voice rose before he remembered where he was,
and peeled the covers back. He stared anxiously at the door, but a laugh track
could be heard distantly from the telly in the den. No footsteps approached. He
was still safe. Even so, he flipped the covers back over his head and lowered
his voice. "Better to be dead than just miss me? Is drunk one step above that,
or what? You didn't used to drink so much. Least I don't remember so."
"I'm not talking about me, Eggsy." Harry closed his eyes. Even on camera, he
looked frustrated. "I'm talking about you, that even there at the Wilsons' is
at least a decent home, and you keep bringing this back around to me again.
You're angry with me for drinking? For exhausting myself at work? For not
having a life? I don't want to die, if that's what you're thinking. I just want
to stop...." The air went out of Harry and he leaned against his desk, polished
wood digging into his thigh in a way that looked painful, phone clutched to his
ear. "Sometimes, I just want to stop feeling. Just for a little while."
"Oh, boo hoo, you're upset? How the fuckin' hell you think I feel? After
everythin', even now that I know you weren't gonna kill me or... keep me
prisoner forever, or some shite." Seeing Harry upset hurt, and Eggsy didn't
want to think about it. He didn't want to think about why, and he certainly
didn't want to feel it. "You get away and pretend to be other people. Or can
buy stuff to mess you up. I dunno, you probably have a bunch of things you can
do to not feel anymore, or get out somewhere, or forget, or get someone else.
I'm still just some stupid kid. No money, no education, nothin'."
Harry's eyes flashed up at the camera and for a moment, just a split second,
Eggsy saw the hard and beaten man in Harry's mission logs. "You asked. This is
not a fucking competition. And if it were, I wouldn't be winning." Harry looked
away and kept his gaze averted. He took a drink and for a brief moment looked
like he'd have preferred to throw it across the room. Or maybe the phone. But
the fire was quickly leaving his body and he slumped against the desk again,
still clutching the phone but no longer looking back at Eggsy through the lens.
"You're right, I did ask. But I ain't askin' now, I'm tellin'," Eggsy ground
out, glaring at the laptop screen even though Harry couldn't see his face. He
felt like he was burning up and freezing, all at the same time. With effort,
the boy kept his voice steady. "You're not allowed to die. Not from taking a
bunch of dangerous jobs because you feel bad. Not from drinkin' yourself to
death neither. I've seen enough of that from havin' to watch my mum tryin' to
drown herself."
Harry sighed. "I'm not going to die, Eggsy. Hopefully not for a long time yet.
And I'm not trying to." Reluctantly, Harry looked back at the camera. "I know
what that would do to you. And I know what kind of a situation that would put
you in." He swallowed and then seemed to think better of leaving it at that. "I
mean you'd still be taken care of, of course, and you would never have to worry
about finances. I've seen to that in case of--in case anything ever did
happen." The pinched look on Harry's face and the way his shoulders curled in
broadcasted how little he liked thinking about it himself.
"That's not what I'm thinkin' about, and you know it." Eggsy's mouth opened,
closed, and then he ducked his head. His thoughts were jumbled from the surge
of emotions coursing through him, some of which were very familiar, and some...
he didn't want to look at too closely. It was all too much, and too soon, and
Harry was supposed to be the strong, composed one he could lean on, not fragile
and fallible. Not still the man in the storage room, broken and ready for some
terrible end.
"I know. You don't have to justify not...wanting me to die. I just needed you
to know that." Harry took a deep breath, perhaps sensing the mess inside of
Eggsy's head and using the moment of quiet to calm himself. He was frayed at
the edges, even if Eggsy was worse off. But Harry looked back at the camera and
seemed to think for a long time before he spoke again. "I don't want to leave
you, either. In any manner."
"Then don't." Eggsy's words came out in a harsh whisper, and he clamped down on
the feelings of anger and despair welling up inside of him. He couldn't look at
the screen. He'd wanted to see Harry vulnerable, but not like this. Not empty,
devoid of everything that made him himself so long as his house was empty. It
reminded Eggsy of what he remembered of his mother right after his father had
died, constantly staring off into space with red-rimmed eyes until a glass
appeared in her hand and she shut herself into her bedroom. The silence had
been terrible. So had the muffled sobs that sometimes came from behind the
door.
All he heard was silence from Harry until a soft "Okay" sounded through the
phone. "I'd do anything for you, Eggsy. Do you remember that?" When Eggsy
sneaked a quick glance at the screen, he caught Harry smiling for him. A sad
smile, but one Harry might wear in defiance of death. Harry had told him that a
long time ago, wavering only on whether what he did would hurt Eggsy. That part
seemed ironic now, almost, but Harry had bet everything that Eggsy wouldn't
find out the extent of what he'd done.
"I'll want you to prove it. Eventually," Eggsy countered, but just as softly.
He felt tired, the sort of bone-deep fatigue that he remembered from the early
days of running away from Harry, when he hadn't slept or eaten and the cold had
saturated him down to his core. Anything more he said right then might only
make things worse. Eggsy wanted to curl up in the warm darkness and quiet of
his bedroom and sleep. "I... g'night, Harry. I'll talk to you soon, yeah?"
"Alright, yes, we'll talk again soon." Harry didn't sound as collected as he
usually did, but he managed. "Goodnight, Eggsy."
When they hung up, Eggsy could still see Harry sitting on his desk, lowering
his phone to his lap. He didn't move right away. He didn't straighten his
slumped shoulders or even pick up the glass again. When Harry did finally move,
he slipped off the desk, put the phone down, and mechanically went to get
dressed for bed.
Eggsy shut the laptop down and stowed it. His bedroom felt much darker as soon
as the blueish glow from the computer was snuffed out. When he moved the chair
and opened the bedroom door, the hallway outside was still deserted, and he
could hear his foster parents still watching telly in the den.
Eggsy snuck off to the bathroom, brushing his teeth and changing clothes
without really thinking about it, or about anything at all other than what he'd
seen that night. When he got back to his room and slipped under the covers,
Eggsy drifted off quickly.
Chapter End Notes
     As usual, you can join us this Saturday (10/15) for the chat at the
     Dark_Kingsman_Block_Party!
***** Chapter 50 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Though there were no more impromptu phone calls after that, Eggsy did visit
Harry again to look at more mission footage with the excuse of going to see his
friends. As long as it was daytime and he wasn’t doing schoolwork, that turned
out to be a reliable excuse. Harry provided lunch and dinner and anything else
Eggsy wanted while he was there, but kept out of his way while he sat up in
Harry's office. For the most part, Harry did not try to lure him into
conversation about how much he missed Eggsy or attempt to make Eggsy feel
guilty while he was there.
Harry's life on camera, however, did not become any more interesting over the
passing weeks Eggsy watched. Harry did pull out a film or two after their
conversation, but he seemed to prefer his books when left to his own devices.
Occasionally Eggsy saw him writing, and there were a few more phone calls with
Merlin although it was hard to tell whether they were talking about Kingsman or
their personal projects.
Eggsy found it difficult not to be affected. Harry wasn't his responsibility by
any means, and had anyone asked Eggsy in the not-so-distant past what he would
have thought about Harry languishing so, Eggsy probably would have been
pleased. After his painful and fearful experiences, reaping unending sorrow was
well-deserved.
Except it wasn't. Eggsy couldn't have articulated his reasons if asked, but he
didn't want Harry suffering as he seemed to be, and he thought that if anyone
should have a say in what happened to Harry as recompense for his crimes, it
should be Eggsy himself.
Talking to Harry directly wouldn't solve anything, Eggsy felt sure of that. The
older man hadn't taken the discussion of the subject well seemed avoidant
regarding the topic. He also seemed to have no intention to change his habits,
which left Eggsy worrying about how things would end up in the long run.
If Harry wouldn't talk to him about things, and wouldn't change his habits
after Eggsy had expressed concern, there was only one other person who actually
knew Harry and might be able to sway him. Eggsy didn't like the notion of
having to interact with him at all, but Eggsy also didn't like the awkward,
tense quiet when he was at Harry's house, or the sadness that transpired on his
laptop screen every night.
Harry's drinking was still worrying. He'd slowed down for a few days after
their conversation, but it picked back up again. It was more subtle than
Michelle's habits were though. When Harry drank, it looked like he might have
been sipping water. He never lashed out at anything. Eggsy could tell when a
bout of sadness overtook him only when it was really obvious; he never curled
up on the couch with a bottle in hand or anything like Eggsy’s mother had done.
It was simply the amount which he drank that was worrying.
There were a few days here and there he went away on missions. Eggsy could
always tell one of those was coming up when Harry suddenly stopped and started
drinking water instead, limiting himself to only one drink a day. Then Eggsy
would look at the cameras to find a note left on the dining table well within
view with Harry's long scrawl proclaiming he would be out at work for a few
days and not to worry. He never texted Eggsy his plans, simply left notes
waiting for him if he were to look.
When Harry returned, he was always tired. Often he left his suitcases in the
hallway, undressed, and went straight to bed. But it was on those occasions
that he looked more alive than he had before he'd left. He held himself more
like the Harry that Eggsy remembered, with a quality of being more grounded in
the world. Less like he might fade away by the time Eggsy checked on him again.
It was with great hesitation that, after Harry's latest return from a work trip
turned into a swift descent back into a grey limbo state, Eggsy picked up his
phone and sifted through the address book. A name lit up on the screen that he
never would have anticipated calling, not unless it was an emergency, and
perhaps not even then. A sick feeling coiled in the boy's stomach and, after a
few moments, he pushed the button before he could lose his nerve.
It rang twice, and then three times, and Eggsy wasn't sure if he was going to
get an answer at all. Maybe he was being avoided just as much as the reverse.
Maybe the man on the other end was busy. Or maybe he thought Eggsy was a
nuisance now. Or maybe he just didn't care. Maybe, even, Harry had told him to
leave Eggsy alone after the last time they'd seen each other. But after the
third ring, the line connected and Eggsy heard a familiar Scottish burr on the
other end.
"Hello?"
"Oy, don't hang up." Better safe than sorry, but after the quick outburst,
Eggsy didn't know quite what to say. There was a lot he wanted to say to the
man, but right then wasn't the time. Particularly if he wanted a favour.
"Listen, I... I think we need to talk. Harry ain't doin' very well, and I bet
you know that. Maybe longer'n I have, since you've got that whole thing for
watchin'- Look, nevermind. Do you know what's wrong with him?"
Silence was Eggsy's answer. But Merlin didn't hang up. Eggsy could picture him
sitting in his office, phone in hand and staring with his stony expression at
nothing.
"I would have thought that obvious." Merlin's tone didn't change, but if Eggsy
had thought the silence was heavy, the weight of his answer was worse. "Harry's
been doing better than he has been in a while now," he added, as though Eggsy
had no idea. It was very difficult to tell how much condescension he was
broadcasting when he kept his voice so moderated.
"Wait, you're saying he was worse than this? He doesn't seem to do much other
than drink, read, and sleep. He sure ain't eatin' right, which I know is a lark
comin' from me, but I remember how awful I felt after a bit of only eatin' out
of boxes. Isn't it your job to do somethin'?" Eggsy felt another flicker of
anger, this time directed at the man on the other end of the line. "He told me
he ain't pickin' jobs hoping to not come back, but it ain't like he's being
careful, neither. I thought you were supposed to be keepin' him safe."
"Would you like me to recount the times I pulled him out of irresponsible,
near-suicidal risks on missions since you've been gone? Or the times I put a
limit on how many missions he could run back to back before he ran himself into
the ground? Or the times I kept him distracted enough not to drink himself to
death at home alone?" A touch of ice lowered the man's tone, but it still
didn't waver too far from his cold and polite standard.
"Yeah, actually. Have you actually done any of that, or were you too busy
watchin' the two of us?" Try as he might, Eggsy couldn't keep a bit of guilt
from eating at him. Harry wasn't his responsibility, and Harry was making his
own choices, but he hadn't thought those choices meant living as a shell.
"There's gotta be something that can snap him outta this. I thought he was
doin' ok until he let me get access to his house cameras. He doesn't even try
to hide that he ain't doin' well now."
"If you'd like me to provide Harry with distractions now and again, I am
certainly available. But those projects have been largely put on hold since
you've returned. I don't believe that is what you had in mind, however," Merlin
countered. "Eggsy, did you really expect him to be just fine when no one was
watching? I know very well what you've been through, but while you were
struggling to survive, yourself, you had no idea what Harry was living like."
"So what was he living like? When he wasn't stalking me across town at all
hours of the day and night, with your help. An' don't tell me you really know
what I've been through. You know the facts of it, obviously, but you've got no
idea what it was like. You weren't totally alone, and cold, and starvin', and
unable to go anywhere without wonderin' if someone was gonna pop up out of
nowhere and it'd be game over for you. You didn't have everythin' destroyed.
I'm pretty sure you didn't have nightmares, neither."
"I really don't care what you think of me, Eggsy," Merlin shot back. "But as
for Harry.... Harry is a career spy. They're not known for being the most work-
life balanced people to begin with, but he was all but living at HQ for a time.
He wouldn't go home. He would retreat before the others saw and then break down
in his quarters. He drank. He would talk with me. It was all stilted,
conversational circles at first. The only times he seemed to do well were when
he was pretending to be someone else. Or simply didn't have time to think about
anything else. He craved the work. He picked fights with anyone he could,
civilians, mostly. It was very difficult not to keep it all under wraps from
the organization, but he managed by the skin of his teeth, and with help."
"So how do we get him to stop? Like, you say he's a bit better now, but he's
still not good. Didn't matter that I told him I was worried about him. He got
mad, actually." Eggsy didn't want to hear what Merlin would most likely say:
that the only way to make Harry better was to go back. Any choice that Eggsy
made, he wanted it to be a real choice, not because he felt pressured into
doing it.
"He got mad at you for saying you were worried about him? That doesn't sound
like Harry." Merlin sounded dubious at best and in spite of not having seen the
man in over a month, Eggsy could picture it on his face. "Are you certain it
wasn't the old arguments reasserting themselves between you two?" In spite of
the judgement, it sounded like Merlin was on a particular track.
"He told me he didn't want to pack me off, then take a bunch of jobs until he
didn't come back, but it was better than nothin'. That he didn't exactly wanna
die, but he wanted to stop feelin' anythin'." Eggsy still felt cold,
remembering it, and the chill spread to his voice. "And then he made some to-do
about how he was plannin', that I'd be taken care of money-wise if anything
happened to him. Like that's supposed to make me feel better about everythin'."
"That probably sounds better to him than where you were a few months ago, if he
were to die unexpectedly in either scenario," Merlin mused. "But I would
believe him when he says he doesn't want to die. Harry's determination to
survive is...quite strong. As for what I think you might be able to do to help
him back on track as it were," Eggsy caught a small sigh and the creak of a
chair. If he wasn't mistaken, he might have heard the bubbling of a kettle and
the clack of mugs in the background. "It might be easier on the both of you to
simply try to live in the moment. You don't have to feel it, but if you're
willing, tell him you'll leave past accusations behind when you speak with each
other if he'll do the same. Visit him once in a while. Make a date of it and do
something together. And go on with your own life if you want to, but try to
enjoy it. I think there are two things short of you going back to him that
would make Harry's life easier again: knowing that you're happy, and time."
"I do visit. And we have gone out and done stuff together. It's not like I'm
constantly yellin' at him for the stuff he's done," Eggsy protested. Really,
the boy felt he'd done more than Harry should have ever expected or hoped for.
Eggsy hadn't even cut him out of his life, not even close. If anything, Harry
should have been much happier, not languishing on a nightly basis. "It's not
like I'm ignorin' him. Besides, it ain't like he can blame me for bein' unhappy
he's putting himself in danger. Or startin' to remind me of my mum. I lost my
dad to spy work, and my mum to a bottle, more or less. Am I just supposed to
watch one of those take Harry too?"
"Eggsy. You cannot make a person be happy again simply by being fair, although
I am sure Harry is more than grateful that you have been. Yes, you could have
cut him out of your life. You could have done so many things you haven't done,
or tried to do, to him. But none of that is going to take away the loss. If you
want to help in that regard, you'll need to wait it out and let yourself live
in a way Harry would be happy to see you living." There was a short silence on
the other end of the line. Merlin was either thinking or taking a drink of his
tea. "You obviously would be very sorry to see him go the way of so many others
in your life."
"It's hard to be happy if I'm watchin' him bein’ unhappy all the time." Eggsy
wondered, very briefly, if he should take Merlin's words as a suggestive
threat. That he even considered it was perhaps a measure of how deep the damage
had gone - that he had to wonder if people around him were always manipulating
him now, pushing and steering his actions. "Am I keepin' him this way, by
seein' him at all? Is he feelin' worse because I'm around?"
"No, you're not. You might not believe me, but he really is doing better now
that you're back and speaking to him." Merlin paused. "There is no magic cure
for this. Listen to yourself. You're still depending on him for your happiness
just as you see him doing the same with you. In my personal opinion, that is a
good sign this melancholy won't last forever, even if the past can't be
changed."
"I don't depend on him for my happiness. I just don't like seein' him like
this, is all." Eggsy bristled at the idea. He'd done perfectly fine on his own,
and he was doing fine right then, too. He'd survived losing everyone and
everything he'd known. "Nevermind. I thought you might know somethin' I didn't,
since you've supposedly been friends and partners for years and stuff."
'Eggsy," Merlin interrupted before Eggsy could hang up, "don't write this off.
You're not going to find an easy fix no matter what you do. Even if you went
back to him this very moment. The both of you come to me for advice and leave
grumpy when you don't get what you want to hear." Eggsy caught a short sigh
from the other end of the phone.
"Oh? What's he askin' you about, then? What am I even supposed to do? I can't
just ignore what he's doin' to himself, and he won't listen to me. I don't know
if he's even bein' careful on missions, or if you'll keep him safe, and I'm
runnin' out of time." Lack of time was feeding Eggsy's despair. He would have
to make some sort of decision soon. One about his living situation, and his
schooling, and the direction of his future. Eventually, some doors were going
to close and lock.
There was a definite pause. "What do you mean you're running out of time?"
Merlin's tone was wary now, even though from Eggsy's perspective, the
explanation was fairly obvious. But he and Merlin hadn't had many conversations
about what might happen when Eggsy started going through puberty. If Merlin had
had them with Harry, Eggsy didn't know.
"I'm gettin' older," Eggsy ground out, as if it should have been obvious.
"Harry says he'll still like me, but I don't know if that's true or not, and
things are gonna change anyways. My foster parents are gonna expect me to stay
and get adopted, or move on to somewhere else permanent. I can't keep bein'
tutored forever, so I'm gonna have to go to a school at some point, and Harry's
even mentioned a boarding school or summat."
"I see." Merlin responded with appropriate gravity, but there was a short pause
before he spoke again. "I'll do what I can to help you get Harry back on his
feet." His voice was softer. It sounded like a confession, something closer to
Merlin than he usually let Eggsy see. "He might listen if we both ask him to
kick the drinking habit until he's sober again. I'm not...very good at
suggesting fun activities to do outdoors, but Harry might become more receptive
if you continue those attempts." Merlin didn't sound particularly happy, but he
was offering help and that counted for something. "I'll talk to him, if you'd
like. All this might help, but if you want to make all these decisions about
your life only when Harry's doing better, it'll be a race."
"What d'you mean, a race?" Eggsy thought he knew, but he didn't want to think
about it. In part, he knew what would make Harry better: being with him again.
Living with him again. What Eggsy didn't know was if that was a bet that he
wanted to take. Living with Harry would be submitting himself to being in
Harry's shadow again, with the pressures that went with that regardless of how
much space the older man gave him. Eggsy would be betting his future, and his
heart, and his well-being, on things very tenuous indeed. Perhaps Harry would
never get better again. Perhaps, despite his assurances, he would grow tired of
Eggsy and not attracted to him any longer, passing over him to someone newer
and younger.
"It's only a race if you're set on making all your decisions when: Harry feels
better, your current family hasn't yet begun to pressure you about being
adopted, and before you've gone through puberty. But it's difficult to
guarantee those things will happen in the order in which best suits you."
Merlin was getting a little more comfortable with giving Eggsy advice it
sounded like. "I have my suspicions on what the both of you would prefer to
happen, but I cannot say for sure how soon either of you will be ready."
"You know me so well, do ya? You get all that from spyin' on me, or did Harry
tell you everythin' there is to know?" Eggsy couldn't resist taking a swipe at
Merlin. He was still irritated that Merlin knew as much as he did at all, and
that he was a mainstay fixture in Harry's life. "That ain't really equal, given
I don't know nothin' about you. I don't 'spect you're more honest about things
than Harry was before I ran off."
"I've never had an agreement with you to be fair, and you've never trusted me
nor liked me much to begin with," Merlin pointed out. "But my suspicions are
based mostly on your recent actions as much as they are on what I know of your
past with Harry." Eggsy wasn't getting a rise out of him. Merlin sounded just
as calm and as cool as ever. He didn't sound guilty, but he didn't sound like
he was trying to directly provoke Eggsy either. Although if Merlin was, it was
hard to say whether he'd be direct about it at all.
"You're damn right, we've never had an agreement. Harry as much as said not to
bother askin', because you wouldn't stop or listen to me anyways. I know Harry
talks to you 'bout his problems, and even though I don't like it, I can't
really say nothin' about it, because he doesn't really have anyone. Even though
I don't got anyone to talk to neither."
Merlin gave a quiet hum of acknowledgement. "Most people do need someone to
talk to. I understand that Harry used to be your confidante, but now the
problems you have are with him and that doesn't work so well anymore. Yet the
nature of your troubles doesn't allow you to seek out anyone else to share
these details."
"No." A weight settled in Eggsy's chest. He felt heavy all over. "...an' that's
why he talks to you, 'cause you're the only other one who knows who isn't gonna
freak about it and get him arrested. Maybe because he knows similar stuff about
you, but I don't think he helps you out to keep you from blackmailin' him, or
else he wouldn't keep tellin' you more stuff that could get him in trouble,
would he."
"No, Harry doesn't help me because he's afraid I'll blackmail him someday, nor
do I wish to blackmail him someday. He helps me because I helped him, because
we became friends--as much as any two people such as ourselves can have
friends." Merlin paused. "I do not wish to blackmail you someday, either. You
might not know that. When Harry first came to me and asked for my help getting
closer to you, I was intrigued. I watched your relationship grow, and you may
not like my reasons for it, but I have no desire to put you in harm's way
because of that."
"Why are you even watchin' me, if you're just interested in him? 'Cause I'm
pretty sure you're not interested in me." A flicker of jealousy sparked to life
again, nonsensical though it was. Merlin wasn't a threat in that way, Eggsy was
pretty sure, and yet in other ways he was a rival. For Harry's friendship,
attention, time, trust, all sorts of things that mattered.
For a long moment, there was silence on the other end. "You are important to
him," Merlin began, carefully. "I hadn't expected that I'd keep an eye on you
if you left, in the beginning. It's difficult to explain, especially when
you're already upset with me, but after all that time you spent with Harry,
time that I watched you spend with him...I suppose I was still curious about
you. And he was worried sick over you, besides, and he'd agreed to leave you
alone at that point. I made no such agreement and so I was in a position to
help if something were to happen to you out there." Merlin sighed. "Of course
you're out of that sort of danger now, so perhaps we can chalk it up to
continued curiosity."
"Why? You're not... like him, are you?" Eggsy hadn't thought as much, but then
he'd not really thought Harry would like him in that way in the beginning,
either. "I mean, he's never said anything about something like that, although
maybe he wouldn't. I just know you have him do jobs for you. Harry said it was
bad people you picked out, but I don't know if that's true either."
"I'm not...it's not like that...why I've followed you." If Eggsy didn't know
better, he'd almost think Merlin was having trouble responding to that
question. "I don't have any particular interest in young boys, as a whole, nor
in getting closer to you, physically. It's...." Merlin sighed. "There have been
times when you've very nearly threatened my relationship with Harry, and I am
aware that you fear I might be a threat to you in a similar manner, but it
is...," Merlin sounded like he was forcing himself to go on, "It is also
difficult to dislike you. You are well aware how much we've been on opposing
sides, but that apparently hasn't been enough to shutter this curiosity, for
lack of a better term."
"Oh? So why are you so curious? And how come you bein' curious doesn't mean you
respect what I want? It ain't like I'm gonna like you any better if you keep on
doin' stuff that involves me without me bein' ok with it." Eggsy kept his voice
steady, but gooseflesh prickled up along his arms. The admission was subtle in
the other man's words, but it was there: interest in getting closer. Eggsy
didn't know what to make of that, and he certainly didn't feel comfortable with
Merlin being close at all.
"I'm not sure I can answer that." Merlin almost sounded like he was looking for
the right words. "You're important to Harry, and therefore by extension have
become important to me. But I am not willing to give up what sight I have of
the world, and I am not willing to give up Harry. Can you understand that?" It
was difficult to picture Merlin in his office now. He wasn't as closed off as
he'd been before, but the times Eggsy had seen him in person had never been
very comfortable.
"Not really. It's not like I want you to stop doin' everything I don't like. I
just don't like you watchin' me without permission. 'specially when I know
that, um..." Eggsy flushed, then felt all the angrier for his embarrassment. He
had nothing to be embarrassed about. Merlin should be the one feeling shamed
for spying on him like that, but Eggsy still felt shamed. He hadn't expected to
be filmed, and he certainly hadn't expected anyone else watching the intimate
things he and Harry had done to one another.
"When you know that I was watching the two of you together?" Merlin confirmed
followed by silence. Eggsy could tell he hadn't wanted to give that up, even
now. Harry had explicitly told Eggsy that Merlin wasn't watching them in their
intimate moments now, and Merlin was at the very least confirming it. "Are
there any times when you wouldn't mind me watching you?" Merlin asked,
curiosity evident in his tone.
"I... I d-dunno. I guess it'd depend on why you're watchin' me, and if I knew
you were gonna do it and said it was ok. And... I don't really know you, so
it's kinda weird. Like having some bloke from the tube follow you around, watch
everything you buy at Tesco, and then try to watch you in the loo. I mean, why
are you even interested in watchin' me walk to the park, or the corner store,
or all that?"
Again there was silence. "I'm not sure I can explain. Not in a way you’d
understand, or sympathise with. But that’s how I watch everything I find
interesting. Sometimes it’s for work, or a project, and other times it’s just
to…connect with people, in a limited manner of speaking.” Merlin gave a quiet
sigh. “Harry warned me I’d have to let you get to know me in person if you were
ever going to be ok with it, and even then there is no guarantee that you won’t
find me just as intolerable as you do now.”
"I don't know anything about you, other than you're a liar like him. That you
make him do projects that involves him killing people. That you watch me and
don't care how I feel about it. I told him I didn't want you watching me and
Harry told me he couldn't stop it. Or wouldn't." Eggsy's distaste showed
through his tone. He didn't care for anyone who didn't give a damn about his
comfort or opinions.
"You also know the man you cared for confides in me, and that I helped him and
continue to help him as best I can. That I care about him. Although maybe all
that doesn't mean so much to you now. Maybe you even dislike me for it."
Merlin's voice eased back down into that calm, reserved state. If he was hiding
real emotion, it was hard for Eggsy to tell. "I am speaking with you now,
offering what advice I can give you and willing to help."
"Okay, maybe I don't. Maybe I know Harry needs it, but I don't gotta like it.
Or you," Eggsy countered. "I don't even know if your help is real, or if it's
just a bunch of shite to help you get what you want. Hell, I don't know the
same about Harry neither. Both of you seem like blokes who do whatever it takes
to get what you want. But I don't know who else to talk to. Harry don't trust
nobody else. No one else knows him. Nobody else knows he's doin' so bad, or
gives a shite about it."
"If I give a shite about him, then you can be assured that at least some of
what I'm saying must be true, don't you think?" Eggsy heard the creak of
Merlin's chair and imagined him sitting back. "I never anticipated you'd like
me. Even early on when Harry asked me to look after you, and especially not if
you ever found out anything remotely interesting about me. You're right in that
I know Harry far better than most, and I'd be willing to answer some of your
questions about him, if you have them. Not all, perhaps, but some. It's up to
you whether you believe me."
Eggsy thought. It was a risk, but not a great one. He doubted that there was
anything he could give away to Merlin that he wouldn't already know. Merlin
might lie to him, but he might not, and even if he lied there might be a way to
discern the truth. Eggsy didn't think he had much to lose, and he had much to
gain by getting insight from another perspective. "Alright, shoot. Why's he so
fuckin' depressed, if I'm not refusin' to see him and other stuff? Why's he not
given up on me? How come he trusts you so much when you have him murder people,
from what I can tell?"
A soft, surprised laugh came from Merlin's end and it was strange to hear.
"Alright, then. One at a time, shall we? Harry is still so depressed because he
misses you. However, I think he is much happier to have you back in this
capacity, even though he might not seem like it from your perspective." Merlin
sighed. He sounded like he might be rubbing his temple. "Harry has a lot of
regrets over how things ended between you. He was desperate, and infatuated
with you, but he is sorry for many of the ways he hurt you. Or sorry that he
hurt you, in the cases where your ethics differ. As for why he's not giving up
on you, I think that one should be obvious. He still cares for you. A lot. Even
though the two of you are separated for the most part. At this point, having
watched him this long, I don't think that's going to change. And as for why
Harry trusts me...," Merlin slowed at that one, thinking. "I've never let him
down. I've kept him alive on missions, I've not only seen him at his worst,
I've been the voice in his ear trying to get him out. The only one he could
depend on in many occasions. He's revealed things to me that I haven't judged
or rejected him for. That inspires a level of trust and loyalty most people
don't find in civilian life."
"Stuff like not turnin' him in to the Met? Is that why he does favours for
you?" Eggsy couldn't imagine Harry murdering because he enjoyed it. Even
knowing he was a spy, and had killed without hesitation. Eggsy could easily see
Harry killing because he thought he had to, or for a mission, or to protect
himself, but not because he really wanted it. Even after everything, he seemed
too gentle for that. "How's he regretful? I mean, he's kickin' himself over
losin' me, and I should damn well hope so, but he's the one who mucked it up."
"There you have your answer. He screwed up. He regrets losing you like he did,
and so he's grieving over that as well as not having you anymore. I should
think that wouldn't be too hard to understand." Merlin sighed again. "And if
you need to frame my afterhours relationship with Harry as an exercise in
blackmail, you might get the basics, but you'll never understand. He gave me
one of his secrets and asked for my help. That was when I trusted him enough to
give him mine and ask for the same in return. It's mutually beneficial."
"So, what? You've both got blackmail fodder on each other, and you're friends
because of it?" Much as Eggsy still bore anger towards Harry on some level, he
found it difficult to measure the two men as equal. Harry had done terrible
things, but Eggsy was still alive. So was his mother. They'd gone through
terrible times, but they'd survived, and without permanent physical damage.
Merlin had had people burned to death, and probably more. Harry had executed
it, but Merlin had planned and asked for it. Death wasn't something a person
could bounce back from.
"If that is the only way you can see it, Harry and I could blackmail each other
into ruin if we were ever foolish enough to do so," Merlin offered, "but
neither of us are. Are you so convinced that we're only in this because we're
stuck with each other? Or that he's stuck with me, to be more precise?" Eggsy
wasn't good at hiding his motivations from this man, just like he wasn't good
at it with Harry.
"Yeah, maybe so. Harry didn't get much choice, with you watchin' him all the
time. So you found out stuff about him. He had to trust you, because you're his
partner. And you didn't grass him, so he's gotta do things for you." Or so it
made sense to Eggsy's mind. He couldn't see Harry enjoying killing. Being
capable of killing, for certain, and part of him was still afraid of that
aspect of the man even though he was now certain Harry wouldn't ever try to
kill him. But enjoying such a deed? Not so much.
"Do not spin this lie in your mind, Eggsy," Merlin's voice turned suddenly
cold. "Have you listened to a word I said, or are you just determined not to
believe it? I was never aware of Harry's predilection for young boys, nor you
specifically, before he told me of his own volition. Harry does not have to do
anything for me, although it was fair of him to return the gesture when I put
enough work into helping him. He is not indebted to me at this point in time,
nor I to him, and I have certainly never forced him to work for me, overtly or
otherwise."
Eggsy recoiled. He found it far easier to believe that Harry went along with
things through pressure and obligation and misguided loyalty than by willingly
volunteering. A Harry who might knowingly torture and murder people who were at
least somewhat innocent was not the Harry that Eggsy was building in his mind
and wanted to picture. "What, you think Harry's really the sort of bloke who
burns someone alive for no other reason than you askin'?"
Silence met Eggsy's ear. "You don't think that's reason enough for Harry?"
Merlin asked, voice quiet. "He wouldn't kill for just anyone, you understand.
You know he's killed for you. He does this for me, more than for himself, but I
don't think he doesn't get anything out of it. I think it's the feeling one has
when they give someone a gift, that sense of excitement, of accomplishment, of
fondness in kindling happiness in another." Merlin spoke of these things with
warmth even though his actions and that emotion should not have been paired in
Eggsy's mind.
"Oy, that's different! Harry's done stuff for me because he loves me. He wanted
to give me stuff I ain't never had, or he was tryin' to protect me. That's a
lot different than... than givin' someone a bunch of dead bodies as a present,
like some kind of modern Jack the Ripper tryin' to impress his mates." Eggsy
couldn't think that they were the same. He couldn't think that Harry would
murder someone at random if he asked and suggested it would make him happy. Or
that protecting him was the same as buying him treats and new clothes. Neither
could Eggsy stomach the idea that Harry held a similar sort of affection for
the other man, to the point that he'd give Merlin such sick gifts to match the
man's personal tastes.
"I like to think of him as a particularly large cat," Merlin replied, calm as
ever. Or so he sounded. "But yes, your circumstances were different. Harry
knows you wouldn't ask him to kill someone, and if you did you would probably
regret it or at the very least feel very guilty over it even if you ultimately
believe it's for the greater good. He knows I won't, and so I imagine he has
less qualms about doing the work he does for me."
"You're a fuckin' liar. And anyways, why would you even want Harry to kill
random people for you? They ain't done nothin' to you, so why do you even
care?" Eggsy's voice took on a raw edge. He felt as desperate as he sounded. He
wanted to think of Harry as good, or at least as better than that, despite
knowing everything Harry had done to him and his mother.
"Eggsy," Merlin's calm didn't falter. He sounded like he was choosing his words
carefully. "You must understand that I don't feel the same way about this as
you do. Killing people, in and of itself, is not necessarily the end goal. I
know this is not right by your standards, nor by most anyone's standards."
Merlin went quiet, like he didn't have an explanation to give Eggsy. He'd never
tried to offer Eggsy excuses before, nothing other than that was simply the way
he was, and it didn't sound like he had any new ones.
"So what is it, then? The end goal? How come you still do it, even though you
know nobody else thinks it's right?" Eggsy felt guilty the moment the words
were out of his mouth. He knew that he, himself, had done things other people
had thought wasn't right at all, like stealing, drug running, and getting
involved with gangs and violence. Harry would have been judged as a terrible
person who deserved jail or worse by a lot of people, some more for being
involved with him than for whatever violence or killings he'd been involved in
for spy work and other side projects. It was hypocritical to yell at Merlin,
but Eggsy couldn't help feeling repulsed, particularly at how it made him
reassess Harry by extension.
"The end goal is simply to see them fall from grace, in whatever way fits. And
the reason I don't care what others think is because it's one of the few joys I
get out of life." No longer was there any trace of nonchalance in Merlin's
tone. He'd gone near perfectly flat. It was difficult to hear those words
without an imagined cruelty behind them, but in truth there was nothing.
Whatever Merlin enjoyed about it, he wasn't experiencing it now and it sounded
like it gave him little pleasure to tell Eggsy.
That wasn't what Eggsy was expecting, either. Eggsy had imagined Merlin taking
some sort of perverse pleasure in dealing out imagined retribution or cruelties
with glorified viciousness, or doing other things simply because he knew it
brought unhappiness and discomfort. Like watching Eggsy against his will, for
instance. The idea was cartoonish, but Eggsy could more easily imagine that
than what he was hearing: a heavy sense of truth that there was an emptiness
behind it. "...why? How come you don't enjoy other things?"
Perhaps Merlin hadn't expected his reply because there was a brief pause again
before he spoke. "It's just the way I am." It didn't sound like the man
explained this to anyone very often. The way his speech slowed suggested he was
considering his words carefully, possibly for Eggsy's sake but also possibly
because he didn't have an explanation memorized by rote. "I've always preferred
to watch people rather than get close to them. This is...an extension of that,
in some ways. In others it is...tied to my personality in ways I'm not sure
that I care to share. Or can explain."
Eggsy couldn't see how it could be explained, either. This wasn't like hating
and liking certain sorts of foods, or being introverted instead of extroverted.
Even Harry made sense, for how he was, at least in Eggsy's eyes: he found
slightly different things attractive than what one usually saw, but other than
that complication, Eggsy felt like their relationship was much the same as any
other gay couple's might be. Complicated by Harry's career and duplicity, and
by the law, but not as completely alien as what Merlin seemed to be confessing.
"How's that work, though? You don't really get to know people just by watchin'
them. 'Specially if they don't know and can't interact back. That's
like...thinkin' that you're really close mates with a bunch of people on the
telly, just because you watch their programs every time they come on."
Merlin made a quiet noise that sounded somewhere in between a hum and something
mildly unhappy. "I suppose one might compare it to that. Sometimes these people
are...people I know in person, like yourself and like Harry, but either way,
all of them are real, not merely characters on a screen. I am very aware that
if a connection forms, it almost always goes just one way, but I usually prefer
it that way. There are things I dislike about normal, polite communication.
Touch. Being seen. Being a point of focus."
Eggsy thought about that, and Merlin seemed even stranger. Eggsy couldn't
imagine going around never being seen, and never wanting to be seen. Hiding for
so long out of fear of being found had been very depressing to experience,
point in fact, as had the feeling before that when he'd felt like adults around
him would prefer he didn't exist. After growing up with a lot of affection from
his mother and a completely different sort of affection from Harry, lacking
touch had also been hard to deal with. "...was it 'cause people weren't nice to
you, at some point? That seems pretty lonely. And kinda weird for you to have a
dog, since they like seein' and touchin' people so much."
Eggsy received a short laugh at that. "Dogs are a little different. But I
confess even Baxter is not always easy to take care of. You and I have had very
different childhoods, but our experiences add upon each other like strokes of
paint, in ways that we can't always predict what the final picture will look
like in the end. I don't think you want to listen to me try to explain which
experiences in my youth might have made me the way I am. But...you might now
understand a little more about why I am so reluctant to give up my methods of
surveillance, and why the work I do for Kingsman was a natural fit?"
Eggsy was quiet for quite a few moments. He didn't want to admit it, but upon
reflection... it made a bit more sense. Merlin could be lying, of course, but
Eggsy didn't think he was. Something was wrong with Merlin, clearly, as normal
people weren't like that at all. They didn't want to be invisible, unwatched
and untouched, spectating their entire life from a distance. Normal people also
didn't like destroying the lives of others simply because that was one of the
few things they enjoyed. A person like that would be an easy fit for working
surveillance and technology for an amoral organization. "... yeah, I guess so.
Um."
Eggsy didn't see a tactful way to broach the subject, so after a deep breath,
he simply ploughed on ahead with the first words that came to mind. "You're not
watchin' weird stuff with me, are you? Like, Harry said the cameras in his
house ain't on when I'm there, but you're watchin' in other places. You're not
watchin' stuff in this house, right?"
"No. I haven't installed any surveillance inside of the Wilsons' flat. I've
kept my word on that," Merlin reassured him. "I see you when you're outside
now, and that's...that's all." There was something odd about the way Merlin
trailed off, like it pained him. "Harry's let me stay tapped into the feeds at
his house so long as they're on and you're not on the premises. So I've been
aware of his increased alcohol consumption and general ennui, but I don't see
the two of you together anymore unless you leave the house."
Again, Merlin could have been lying, but Eggsy didn't think he was.
Particularly now that the boy suspected that Merlin wasn't smooth at lying like
Harry was. Harry made a living by tricking people right to their faces, while
Merlin did his best to stay invisible and quiet. He had no routine
opportunities to practice deception like Harry did. "Does that bother you? That
you don't get to see us together in his house?"
Eggsy was met with silence. When Merlin finally answered, he did so slowly. "If
you're asking whether I think I have the right to such things, then no. Not
that that detail bothered me. But if you're asking whether I miss it...then
yes, I do." The voice on the other end went quiet, seeming unable to give any
more of an explanation than that. Maybe Merlin didn't think one was required,
or maybe he disliked admitting that aloud.
Eggsy was equally quiet. He thought about every time he'd interacted with the
man, and if any of those memories could be trusted. He thought about how
powerless he'd felt, running from electronic eyes and knowing who was behind
them and the man trailing his footsteps, and how much else he'd seen. Harry had
tricked and manipulated him, which complicated every 'yes' Eggsy had ever
uttered, but Merlin hadn't asked. He'd just watched.
What Merlin had revealed about himself was worth thinking about, but Eggsy
wasn't certain he was ready to think at all. "I... hm. I can't talk more right
now, but maybe we can talk another time. If you want to." Agreement to talk to
Merlin was about all he could stomach right then, beyond his knowledge that
Harry wouldn't cut the man out of his life and he had little right to ask that.
"Alright. I'd be agreeable to that." If Merlin was relieved to move on, Eggsy
couldn't tell, but he at least did sound agreeable as he said. "I appreciated
our talk tonight. And if you need another opinion regarding Harry, you can give
me a ring again." It was almost strange that Merlin was this agreeable. He
didn't sound enthusiastic, exactly, but he really didn't sound bothered either.
Not like the very first times Eggsy had met the man in person. There were times
when Merlin had seemed more relaxed, too, but they were fewer, and only
happened when they weren't arguing.
"Thanks. And, uh..." Something Merlin had said earlier weighed on Eggsy, and he
swallowed his pride and forced the words out. "Thanks for takin' care of him.
When he was worse than this. I didn't know he was that bad. I thought he'd be
less upset now because I've been actually talkin' to him and seein' him and
stuff."
"He is less upset now that you're talking to him. It is helping," Merlin
pressed, "But thank you. I'd help Harry regardless, but I am glad to hear you
appreciate it." Eggsy hadn't seen Merlin smile often, but he could imagine the
man was doing it now. He sounded pleased. There were plenty of times when
they'd butted heads, and maybe Merlin appreciated the thanks all the more for
it. "Get some sleep, Eggsy. We'll talk again."
"'Kay. Later, then." Eggsy hung up and rubbed at his ear, wondering just what
he'd gotten himself into and why Merlin, who admitted he didn't get much joy
out of life in general, was happy with him at all. It wasn't like Eggsy had
changed his mind about Merlin at all, or the things he did.
It was interesting, though, that Merlin seemed to employ the same distant
viewing tactics with everyone across the board. And that he didn't seem to be
focusing on the loss of access to intimate footage so much as the lack of any
footage at all.
Eggsy really would need to think on that more. He'd gone in with a lot of ideas
about how Harry and Merlin worked that Merlin had flatly denied. Harry had
never insinuated that Merlin might be blackmailing him or that he was
uncomfortable with their friendship, although Harry might not have been willing
to admit such things to Eggsy. Still, Harry never even hinted at it. If that
was the case, that all Harry did for Merlin wasn't merely out of obligation,
then that would mean that some of Eggsy's deepest fears about Harry could be
true.
Eggsy scrubbed a hand over his face. He didn't want to think about any of that
right then. He had enough problems to mull over, and he'd find time for one
more before he next decided to see Harry. He'd told Merlin the truth - he felt
like time was running out for him in so many ways. The present was like the
lull before a storm, or the appearance of endless flat terrain until one found
oneself falling into a hole. Eggsy was going to be expected to make decisions
soon, and he didn't know what to choose.
Belatedly, he realised he didn't hear the telly from the hall anymore. A few
minutes later there came muffled voices, which was somewhat reassuring because
if he couldn't make out what they were saying, Donna and Kevin would have had a
hard time making out what he was saying even if they'd been listening. A knock
sounded at his door and Donna called to him, "Eggsy, are you asleep dear?" He
could just make out her say goodnight to Kevin.
"Not just yet." Eggsy flipped around and rearranged things so everything looked
less suspicious, more normal. Belatedly he realized the chair was still under
the door handle and he slid out of bed, dumping his cell phone on his dresser
and moving the chair as quietly as he could. His mind was racing, wondering if
they'd heard his voice if not his words.
When Donna opened the door, he was climbing back in bed. But she had a soft
smile on her face and didn't look suspicious. "Just wanted to pop in and say
goodnight." Out in the hall, Eggsy could see the light on in the toilet where
Kevin was getting ready for bed. "Don't stay up too late, okay?"
This was routine by now and it didn't sound like Donna was going off script. If
she'd heard anything, she wouldn't pretend like she hadn't. Normal people
didn't do that. At least, the normal people Eggsy knew didn't do that, which
were probably fewer in number for him than for most kids.
"Ok, I won't. Promise." Eggsy felt that the promise might be difficult to keep,
given how fast his heart was beating. Donna couldn't be suspicious, and yet
every paranoid segment of Eggsy was screaming at him that he had to be in
danger. She knew. Kevin knew. They just were pretending that they didn't know
for the moment, for some reason. Soon enough the other shoe would drop and then
he'd be in trouble.
But she just smiled and nodded, her cropped hair bouncing over her shoulder and
giving her a merry quality that Eggsy wasn't used to. "Okay then. Goodnight."
And with that, she turned and closed the door behind her.
For minutes more Eggsy heard the sounds of them brushing their teeth and moving
through the hall, all the usual sounds of night time. There was no hushed
conversation, nothing to suggest that anything was out of the ordinary.
Eggsy still listened. He knelt beside the door, ear pressed to the wood, on
alert for any sounds that spelled danger. He listened even beyond the point at
which he heard them walk to their bedroom and shut the door, and silence take
over the house. There was nothing, nothing at all, and yet Eggsy's heart didn't
stop racing.
After many slow, painful minutes, the boy crept back towards his bed. He didn't
feel any more reassured. If anything, he felt fragile, like his room was a
tranquil safe bubble about to be popped at any moment. He took up his phone and
laptop one more time and flipped the laptop over to the camera feeds in Harry's
house.
The lights were off on the ground floor. Mr. Pickle was curled up in his bed in
the living room. Harry was nowhere in sight until Eggsy moved up to the master
bedroom. The lights were off there, too. Harry lay in bed with the covers
pulled up to his shoulder. His glasses and watch sat on the bedside table and
it looked like the alarm was set. His eyes were closed and he looked free of
worry, like he often did when he was asleep. It was strange seeing him like
that through the distance of a camera and with the aid of night vision. Strange
when Eggsy used to see him up close while he slept.
Eggsy was surprised at how strongly he wished he was there, in Harry's bed with
him. He was no longer afraid of Harry in the same way he had been, and being
close to him now felt safer. Eggsy knew how dangerous Harry was and that that
danger was directed outwards towards anyone but himself. Eggsy wouldn't need to
worry because Harry wouldn't allow the sky to fall down on him and everything
to tumble apart. He could fall asleep knowing anything and everything would be
kept at bay until he was ready to deal with it.
Even if Harry wasn't infallible, he had been able to protect Eggsy from
everything but himself. Harry wasn't just willing; he wanted to. Donna and
Kevin might have wanted to take care of Eggsy, but they had been willing to
take care of any kid who came into their care. They didn't know him. Harry....
Harry went overboard with getting to know Eggsy. Harry was the complete
opposite of how the Wilsons had taken Eggsy in. He wasn't a parent, but he was
willing to take care of Eggsy.
Harry lay in a bed that Eggsy knew was exactly as warm and as comfortable as he
remembered. And Harry missed him. Harry missed him a lot.
Eggsy took out his phone. He touched the screen and the buttons, navigating
through until Harry's name and number lit up. He stared at it for a long time
in the dark of his room, bathed only in the light of his laptop screen and the
green glow coming from his phone.
With effort, he turned both off and resettled into bed. It took some time
before he drifted off to sleep, and when he did, it was to thoughts of Harry.
Chapter End Notes
     As usual, you can join us this Saturday (10/22) for the chat at the
     Dark_Kingsman_Block_Party!
***** Chapter 51 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
For another week Eggsy watched Harry over surveillance and, when possible,
visited his house after study hours to review the mission logs. It was becoming
something of a strange routine for them, and if Eggsy wasn't mistaken, even
when he wasn't there Harry did seem to be attempting to make his home life a
little livelier. Harry watched more movies. He even set up one of Eggsy's old
game consoles and tried to play a bit. He quickly became bored and set it down,
but it was at least an attempt. He touched himself more, and Eggsy could only
sit there and watch. The most telling thing Eggsy noticed, however, was that
Harry had a drink with dinner now, and nothing after. Even if he looked
listless, even on the days when he didn't do much other than read a bit before
going to bed early, Harry cut his alcohol consumption back dramatically.
And then one evening Harry asked if Eggsy would like to break the routine and
go out to see the still newly opened London Eye over the weekend.
"Sure, that sounds good." Eggsy wasn't necessarily enthusiastic about the
London Eye itself, which seemed like an amusement for children more than
anything, but he hadn't seen Harry in person for several days. That was several
days of mulling over his situation and feeling more and more anxious.
Deliberating at a distance wasn't doing him any good or giving him any new
information. He missed seeing Harry, and Eggsy thought he might get a bit
closer to making a decision if he took stock of his feelings when in Harry's
company.
Being in Harry's company while not shut up in his office watching mission logs
was key. Eggsy got the feeling Harry could tell how anxious he was, too. Harry
hadn't said anything outright, but tensions between them hadn't raised again
after that call, and Harry seemed to be doing what he could to provide a calm
atmosphere whenever Eggsy did visit.
So they made plans that Eggsy would use the excuse of seeing his friends again
for the day, but he would be home before curfew. In Eggsy's case, and for the
time of the year, that meant after dark, but he'd gotten the Wilsons more used
to the idea by now. So long as he wasn't out too long after dark, and checked
in once in a while via text.
Eggsy packed his backpack for a day out with friends and waved goodbye to the
Wilsons, walking a good ways away before waiting for Harry to pick him up. He
didn't have long to wait. A familiar car pulled over to the kerb and Eggsy slid
into the side passenger seat without hesitation. He didn't have to fake the
smile that lit up his face. "Hey, Harry. 'Bout time we got you out of the house
a bit."
Genuine amusement shined in Harry's eye. "Good to know I have you looking out
for me." He checked his mirrors and then they were off heading down to the
river. It was a bit of a drive with traffic, but Harry kept up the light mood.
"We might as well pick up some treats along the way. See if we can find a
decent chocolate shop, perhaps. Are you in the mood for anything in
particular?"
"Yeah, chocolate's always good. And caramel. The good kind that actually is
soft and melts, not the ones like bricks that you gotta chew and chew until
they're good." Eggsy had only ever had the good kind when he'd pocketed them
during his early years, and when on the streets, but he remembered them fondly
from when Harry was treating him on a regular basis. "Maybe we can get some
that I can bring home? Not enough that the Wilsons will notice, but so I've got
something for late at night? I've been stayin' up a bit lately."
"If we can find them, you can have as many as you like." Harry's smile hadn't
faltered yet. He glanced at Eggsy whenever he had the chance to take his eyes
off the road. There was just as much excitement humming in him as there was in
Eggsy, if not more. It was that quiet, restrained excitement that seemed
singular to Harry, and maybe it was a little more restrained than Eggsy
remembered him being, but it was there nonetheless. "What's been keeping you
up?"
"Thinkin' about stuff. The Wilsons. Me. You. Your friend." Eggsy tried to
pretend at nonchalance, but he was watching Harry closely. "I called 'im, you
know. After things. 'Cause I was worried about you, and he was around when I
wasn't. I think he expected me to try to rip his head off, and didn't know what
to do when I didn't. He's been worried too, y'know."
Harry raised an eyebrow. "He mentioned you'd called, but he wouldn't give me
the exact details of what you'd talked about." Harry hesitated before going on.
"I know he's been worried about me. For quite some time now. I was surprised to
hear you'd called him." There was a question in the tone of Harry's voice. He'd
encouraged Eggsy to get to know Merlin before, so it didn't sound like Harry
was wary of that, but it wasn't hard to see why he was curious why Eggsy had
reached out.
"I wondered if he knew more about why you weren't doin' so well. And about some
other things." Merlin's words still echoed in the boy's head. Eggsy pondered
whether he should say anything, then silently chastised himself. If he never
asked, he'd not know, and it wouldn't change whether things were true or not.
It would simply leave him in the limbo of unknowing forever. "How come you do
favours for him?"
Finally Harry's smile faltered. He didn't avoid the question, however. "Because
he's a close friend. Because I invited him into aspects of my personal life and
then he invited me into his." Harry didn't look like he was sure Eggsy would
understand. The way he shrugged when he spoke, it wasn't like he was trying to
imply it wasn't a big deal, but more like he was implying that it was fairly
normal for Harry.
"But do you care about what he asks you to do? Like... do you do it just
because he's askin', or because you feel like you've gotta, or because you
think it might make him happy? I'd thought that maybe you did it since he'd
done so much stuff for you, like you had to return the favour somehow."
Harry thought about that for a moment. "Though it would be rude of me not to do
anything in return for his work for me, I don't have to do what I do for him. I
do it...because he enjoys it. He asked, I enjoy seeing him happy, and it's
neatly within my skill set." Harry's voice was even and light as he spoke, but
there was a slight undercurrent of worry. Even if Merlin had told him
everything Eggsy had asked, it wasn't hard to see why Harry would be nervous
treading into this territory again.
"Why is that stuff what makes him happy, though? He told me he doesn't enjoy
very much," Eggsy admitted. "I don't even know what he'd even look like happy,
he always seems serious and grumpy. I guess I can get wanting to make a friend
happy, but I can't understand it when it involves... all that. Destruction and
stuff."
Harry shrugged and gave Eggsy an apologetic smile. "I suppose most people would
call it a 'perversion'. But it is what it is and it is what he enjoys. It's
true I haven't seen him get much out of the usual things people enjoy. He keeps
to himself. And he can be pleasant enough when he's trying, but no, I don't
know if he ever lets anyone see him when he's happy like he is with these
projects."
"But you have? Seen him happy, I mean. Is that why you're ok with it,
because... I dunno, like I like seein' you happy and don't mind some things
because I know you'd be unhappy or get hurt otherwise?" Except even that
comparison felt a little off to Eggsy, because it wasn't the same thing at all.
He wasn't just friends with Harry. He was more.
"Hm. A little. Look, I know the things I've done for him are not good things. I
can't say that I would have the motivation or the interest in doing them on my
own, yet I am not averse to doing them for him either. So yes, in a way it is
like that I suppose although our relationship is different." Eggsy knew Harry
was on uneven footing just by the way he held himself as he spoke. "I don't
know if you'd like him when he's happy either. He's very intense."
"You're not really sellin' me on it," Eggsy joked, nudging Harry with his elbow
just a little and trying to grin to take a bit of the tension off. "So what,
you're ok with doin' him favours because he doesn't get much outta life any
other way, but the way you know he's happy is that he gets more serious and
stare-y?"
Harry looked bewildered, but he gave a short laugh at that. "Essentially, yes.
He gets very focused, very intent, and...'serious and stare-y'." Harry glanced
to Eggsy again, taking him in with a curious eye. "I'm really not selling this,
am I? And yet you're taking it better than you have before. What on earth did
the two of you talk about?"
"I dunno, he got really weird on the phone." Eggsy shrugged, turning to look
out the window so that he could think. Trying to look at Harry while gathering
his thoughts wasn't always the smartest idea. "Hard to describe. Like he was
tryin' to be honest but wasn't super good at knowing what to say, or how to say
it, or how to talk to people at all. He did say that you were much, much, much
worse when I was gone and he tried to look after you a lot."
"Ah." Harry looked like he was beginning to understand before he had to turn
back to the street. "He did. And I was. I think we were all very unhappy for a
very long while, but he distracted me from the worst of it and he made sure I
wasn't reckless enough to get myself killed." Harry glanced quickly back at
Eggsy. "You find his social ineptitude agreeable, don't you?" A hint of a smile
pulled at the corner of his mouth. "Very unlike me."
"I don't think he's very good at actin', probably because he's only interacting
with cameras and screens instead of people," Eggsy commented. Even Merlin's
early attempts at getting into his good graces had been awkward and obvious,
enough that Eggsy had spotted it and been put off. "Which, I guess... that's
somethin' else. I know it doesn't make any sense, but even after bein' off the
streets for a bit now, I can't stop worryin'. Or somethin' like it. I keep
thinkin' the Wilsons are lying to me, or... like, that they might go through my
room. Or all sorts of weird things."
Harry grimaced. "I hate to say it, but that is understandable. You've had not
at least three people go through your private life without your permission, two
of them being your caretakers and two of them in ways you couldn't have even
imagined. You won't be used to trusting anyone for some time, I think. Probably
best just to do as much to make yourself as comfortable as you can." When Harry
glanced at Eggsy again, he really looked. Eggsy recognised it, too. The way
Harry studied him to make sure he was ok.
They were approaching the river and Harry slowed. Having to pass through the
streets near Westminster was always slow going. Tourists lined the walk and the
weekend crowd was in full swing. They were about to become part of it. Not far
across the river they could see the London Eye with it's massive white
structure looming over the city below.
"I was just thinkin'. That even though I know the Wilsons probably aren't doin'
anything weird or thinkin' bad things about me, it's made stuff really
uncomfortable. I kept listenin' through my door to see if they were trying to
listen in on me, or were talkin' about me. And checkin' my room to see if
anything had been moved, or if there were cameras or stuff. I couldn't stop
worryin' even though I knew it was silly, and then I started thinkin' about the
fact that I don't worry about that stuff when I'm with you anymore."
Harry did a double-take looking at Eggsy again. "Because you know I've already
done it?" Everything about Harry was attuned to Eggsy now, even when he had to
look back to the street. Harry had this way of listening with his whole body
sometimes. It was very subtle, but like a lot of things about Harry, Eggsy
could read it. "The Devil you know sort of deal?"
"Sort of. Also that I know you kept your word about a lot of stuff, now. The
cameras are off whenever I'm over. Merlin even sounded kinda sad about it."
Eggsy shrugged. The crowd around them was full of interesting people, but Eggsy
wasn't really interested in any of them. He was far more interested in the
reactions of the man at his side. "And I'm not scared of you in the same way
anymore. I know you better now."
Slowly, Harry nodded, taking in Eggsy's words. "Well. I'm glad to hear that."
Harry was being careful not to commit any extra meaning to what Eggsy said and
yet it was obvious that this pleased him.
Once they crossed to the other side of the river, Harry took them in search of
a parking garage.
"Does that worry bother you very often? Does it interfere with you trying to
get to know them?" Harry asked after a few minutes. He knew from their
occasional conversations that things between Eggsy and the Wilsons were ok at
best, even if both parties were trying.
"Yeah a bit, I guess. I try, but I can't really tell them nothin' about me or
what's goin' on with me. What I'm thinkin' about. They don't really get me,
because they've never not been rich, you know?" Eggsy shifted in frustration,
uncomfortable with just how disjointed his foster parents' good intentions were
with his own experiences. "They say they're ok with everything, but they're
not. Sometimes I can tell just from us drivin' around. They talk about
politics, or people they're seein' on the street and what they think about
everything."
"You're not used to the casual judgements people with money make," Harry
surmised. It was strange that Harry should have been that way, in theory, as he
was wealthier than the Wilsons, but there weren't many times he made comments
that were so far removed from Eggsy's experience. Perhaps it was because he was
usually talking to Eggsy and not another adult like Donna and Kevin were, or
perhaps he just had more experience in the world. Sure he used to turn up his
nose at Eggsy's clothing choices sometimes when they were out shopping, but
often it was for the sake of amusement. And when Harry would look at him after
he was dressed in whatever style Eggsy liked, there was always appreciation in
his gaze.
"Yeah. Just, I know they're not tryin' to be mean about it, but they really
don't know what it's like. Why people dress certain ways, or eat some things
and not others. It's not because people are lazy or stupid. If they were in the
same spot, they'd make the same choices." Including 'tacky' clothing because it
was the cheapest thing that fit and they didn't have any money for more. Or
wearing clashing layers because you wouldn't be warm and dry elsewise. For all
that the Wilsons were smart in some respects, they were ignorant in others, but
Harry understood about survival.
Harry hummed in quiet agreement as he parked the car. "We'll have a bit of a
walk, but I thought you might like to see the gardens and play some games at
the Wonderground." What apprehension about Eggsy bringing up Merlin had left
Harry and he was now looking at Eggsy like he was just as ready to have a good
time out as he intended Eggsy to have. Harry hadn't foregone his customary
suit, but it was one of his casual ones. A dark blue with light enough material
that it allowed for movement, and he'd brought coats for the both of them in
case the weather turned chilly as it was likely to do as the afternoon wore on
at that time of the year.
"Wait. Just a second." Eggsy tugged on Harry's sleeve, and when he turned
towards Eggsy with a questioning look, the boy didn't quite know what to say.
He hadn't had anything in mind, just wanting the privacy and enclosure of the
car to last a moment longer. There were too many eyes around for anything else,
and so Eggsy leaned in, wrapping his arms around Harry's middle for just a
moment. "I do like gardens. Thanks for rememberin'."
Long fingers curled through his hair and then slid along Eggsy's arms as he
pulled back. Harry didn't want to break contact, but he smiled and let Eggsy go
when it was over. "You're very welcome. Now, let's go have some fun, shall we?"
Harry's fingers brushed over Eggsy's knee, but then he was collecting their
ticket and opening the door and they had to step out into the world. The garage
wasn't too busy, but once they got up at street level, they had to join the
throng of pedestrians milling about. Harry nodded in the direction of the
gardens and amusement park below the looming Eye and they were off.
Eggsy kept close to Harry's side. The park was wondrous enough, full of
flashing lights and bursts of sound and colour and tantalizing smells. No high
end fares, these, but the spun sugar and roasted salted corn and the hot meat
on buns that didn't bear questioning too closely. Eggsy was used to this food
and found it very comforting.
Harry was out of place among the throng, but not so much as someone else might
have been. He wasn't uncomfortable enough to be an intruder, but was still too
well dressed to be among the commons. The fair master, perhaps, one of the ones
running the show that was scooping up tourists and Londoners alike into a
little maze to celebrate the city under the towering, glowing eye of the wheel.
"Would you like a hot dog?" Harry asked with a cheeky smile. That was how he
did it, how he merged with the crowd, with his casual demeanour and
unrestrained enjoyment of simply being there. This Harry was worlds away from
the lonely man who took up residence in Eggsy's video feeds at night. He led
Eggsy through the crowd with a touch here and there, never letting them get too
far apart but never seeming overt in his closeness either. Nothing too unusual
to the eyes of the crowd around them.
"Not from here," Eggsy murmured back, gripping Harry's hand not unlike other
pre-teens in the area. Most were already putting up the long-suffering front,
trying to divest themselves of connection to those accompanying them, but Eggsy
wasn't in a hurry to put distance between himself and Harry. "Maybe later. At
home. You do a much better job of making it, anyways."
Harry just grinned back at him with more satisfaction than the comment
warranted. Eggsy could see what he was thinking.
They meandered through the Wonderground until they reached the walking path of
the gardens and the crowd became less oppressive. The Jubilee Gardens weren't
as open as Kensington, but it was a breath of fresh air in one of the busiest
sections of the city. The trees were turning colours and soon their leaves
would be gone. They made for a picturesque backdrop behind Harry and judging by
the way Harry kept looking at him, he was thinking the same.
"I wanted to take you up on the wheel at night sometime," Harry said as they
made their winding way towards the structure. "We'll have a good view of the
city today without the rain, but seeing it lit up from above...there's nothing
quite like it."
"Do you see cities a lot like that? Up high? Or do you not really get the
chance to?" Eggsy didn't know what sort of traveling Harry did, exactly, only
that he did a lot of it. Being a spy meant interacting with a lot of people, he
guessed, and not wilderness, and quite often Harry was likely embroiled in
intrigues in the city proper instead of spending time outside of it admiring
the view. "How come you saw this place and thought of me?"
Harry thought about that for a moment. "I often think of you when I'm in
London. The whole of London, not the streets of Kensington and Soho. You were
running around this city with your friends before we even knew each other
properly, and you haven't stopped. I suppose I thought you might like to see it
from a new perspective. Flying gives you a wonderful sense of a place. And I
suppose I get that sense more often than most. There are some cities, Hong Kong
for example, where you can spend your entire stay looking down at the world
around you. By comparison London is much more level with the ground."
"Will I ever get to go up flyin'? Proper-like, not on a big bus sort of plane
like when we did holiday before." They hadn't explored too far out from the
realm of safety and familiarity, but Eggsy thought he'd like to see more of the
world. Particularly now that he thought he wasn't going to get trapped in the
same tiny circle of London, working for drug gangs or slaving away at low wage
jobs forever.
"If you'd like to, you certainly can. There's all sorts of ways to do it. If
you're very motivated, you could even earn a flying license for a small plane
or helicopter when you're older." Harry looked happy to suggest ideas. It was
possible he even knew how to fly small aircraft himself. If Landon could, Harry
might have had the same training. It was certainly something James Bond could
do.
They passed around the last bend in the winding path and found the base of the
eye before them with its ticket stand below and a throng of people waiting in
line.
"Is it fun? Flying, I mean. Or is it more fun for someone else to do it and you
watch out the windows?" A helicopter didn't sound too glamorous, even given the
rescue they'd gotten before. Eggsy could far more easily imagine piloting a
small, sleek plane to somewhere exotic and unknown. Of course, that begged the
question of who he'd meet there, or bring with him, and Eggsy hadn't the
slightest idea beyond Harry.
"Once you've done it enough not to be distracted by worries about the controls
or altitude or air traffic and the like, it is. You might enjoy being a
passenger until you get the itch for a more hands-on experience." It was funny
how casually Harry could speak like he was flirting while they were surrounded
by the crowd. There was absolutely nothing overt about his words, but the way
his smile was bordering on cheek said everything.
Fortunately, the line was moving fairly quickly and they didn't have long to
wait before they got their tickets. Harry even paid extra so that they could
have a car to themselves.
"I've kinda got the feelin' I'm ready for that already. Though I don't think
I'm gonna get the chance any time soon. Not gonna pass up a chance to get a bit
more experience under my belt, though." The attendant showed them to their
seats and secured the metal railing in place, and after a few seconds the eye
rotated to let the next few people on. Eggsy and Harry were partially alone,
suspended a few feet above the crowds and getting a good look at the
festivities spread out around the Eye.
The voices of the crowd were cut down to a quiet murmur and Harry leaned
against the railing across from Eggsy, smiling his quiet, warm smile. This was
Harry happy. Harry couldn't be sure if Eggsy was as well, but he looked like he
suspected it.
After another minute passed, they rose up into the air again while the next car
boarded, and so began their slow ascent. Harry motioned for Eggsy to join him
at his side of the car and when they got high enough, they could see across the
water to the line of the city, including Westminster. Harry let his arm wrap
around Eggsy where they stood, a comfortably, but not overtly, intimate
embrace.
The air was cooler up there. Cooler and more distant. The sun was dipping
lower, as it was the time of the year for it to set quickly, and it painted the
city and the rippling water in warm colours that didn't quite touch the air.
Eggsy felt Harry's arm and felt more secure, not less. He was safe, no matter
how high up they got. Eggsy could feel the noise in his head quieting from the
touch. "I bet you bring all your sweethearts up here." At Harry's quizzical
look, Eggsy smiled. "Just testin'."
In spite of himself, a slow smile drew across Harry's face again. And then he
laughed, shaking his head. Eggsy had caught him off guard, like Eggsy had said
something so incongruent with Harry's thoughts, but Harry went with it this
time.
"Won't they be jealous, then?" Harry bent lower against the railing so that
Eggsy could catch the teasing edge to his smile. "I dare say I don't think I
could find a boy as industrious or as daring as you if I tried." Harry turned
his attention to the east side of the city and pointed off in the distance
before his hand gestured over all of it. "You've made all this your territory,
you know. I used to wander about sometimes and imagine I'd see you flitting
through the alleys. I'd imagine you watching me, trying to keep an eye on me
the way I did you."
"I was a bit too busy for that, but I'm glad to know you weren't sleepin' easy
either, worrying about me runnin' about and spyin' on you. Can't be many boys
who can say they out-spyed a spy. You probably didn't tell anyone else, but I
can't imagine your friend didn't tease you a bit about that one, no matter how
stodgy an' serious he is." It was still a point of pride with Eggsy that he'd
gotten so far despite who and what Harry was and the resources at his disposal.
"Let me just say, if the whole of Kingsman ever found out, there would be a lot
of laughing. And Merlin does like to tease me about it every now and again."
Harry looked pained, but it didn't take away the gentle amusement underneath.
They were nearly at the top now, just as the sun was sinking below the horizon.
Perhaps Harry would get his wish and Eggsy would have the best view possible.
The city below them was already lighting up, creating a contrast of vibrant
orange and yellow dots amid the wash of the sun's last rays against the
buildings. The expanse was caught between night and day, in those few
transitional moments in time where anything felt possible.
It was breath-taking, even when not at the pinnacle. Eggsy felt his arms break
out into gooseflesh, particularly so when the wind picked up and he felt the
Eye sway just a little. He clung tighter to Harry even though he knew there was
no danger - solid cables and steel held everything together, and the whole
structure had been well-tested before opening up to the public. "Say, Harry...
I was thinkin'."
"Hm?" Harry glanced down at him, face lit with the soft blue of the Eye's outer
lights mingled with the warm oranges of the city below. There was no
expectation in him, nothing to suggest he wanted more out of this conversation
than a pleasant evening out. They inched along higher and higher and outside
the city grew smaller and smaller below.
"Like... the Wilsons, they ain't workin' out the way I'd hoped. They're nice
enough, but not really for me. An' I know the time was comin' up to pick
stayin' with them, or movin' on, so I was thinkin'..." They rose higher still,
and Eggsy risked a glance over the side and then shut his eyes. "I can't
promise nothin', but I was thinkin' maybe we could try something else. Livin'
together again. Not the same way, an' I dunno how the tutor is gonna work out
with that, but..."
Harry froze where he stood. He very nearly looked like he was trying to grasp
what Eggsy was suggesting. "You.... Eggsy, you know there is no real time limit
you have to decide anything, don't you? No matter what you think of growing up
or whether you're worried the Wilsons will want you to stay. You don't have
to...." Eggsy was sure Harry was about to say he didn't have to go back to
living with Harry, but then Harry stopped like he didn't want to say it.
Harry's hand closed over his on the rail and Harry looked at him carefully.
"You would be more than welcome in my home, more than I can say, but you don't
have to."
"I know I don't have to. It ain't a sudden decision, I've been thinkin' about
everythin' for a while. Ever since I got there, how I liked it and how I was
feelin' and what I wanted to do, where I felt like goin'." Eggsy looked over
and up at Harry. The view around them spread London at their feet, but Eggsy
wasn't paying attention. "It's not gonna be the same. I'd want to have rules,
and a say in things. I get to keep havin' my own bedroom and you don't get to
come in, for instance. I got several reasons I want to, and I don't think that
I have to. I just want to."
Harry blinked and looked like he didn't know what to say. A moment passed
before he collected himself and squeezed Eggsy's hand. "Okay." It was a breath
of air more than a word. "Okay. You can move back in, and have your own room
and things will be... Well. We'll talk about all that. But you can set your own
boundaries and I will not cross them." Harry nodded. Some of his shock was
fading away, being replaced with a sober quality. Harry might have been
imagining them living more like a real guardian and child lived. He breathed
out slowly and let himself take Eggsy in, reading his expression, his body
language, and gradually a hint of a smile formed at the corner of Harry's
mouth. "I'll be glad to have you home again."
"It is home, really. I don't feel safe anywhere else, I realized. Even when I
know I'm safe, it doesn't feel like it." Eggsy squeezed back against Harry's
grip, but his gaze fell, watching the buildings of London slowly rise up to
meet them in the evening glow. "The Wilsons are never gonna understand me, and
I don't think any other adoptive family will neither. I can't talk to them
because they won't get it."
Harry nodded. After a brief hesitation, he reached his other hand around and
squeezed Eggsy's shoulder, wrapping him in a comfortable embrace. Their car was
just going over the top now and Harry held Eggsy close as though he couldn't
find the words to respond.
The last rays of light shimmered against Eggsy's hair and Harry looked down at
him like he wanted to lean in and forget they might be seen. Harry didn't break
his gaze away to see the city. He looked like he might not have been able to if
he tried.
Eggsy wasn't able to stop thinking. He'd thought about this for a good deal of
time before he even thought to broach the subject with Harry, knowing full well
how hope could easily destroy the both of them. He wasn't promising for things
to go back to the way they had been, not even close, but he knew Harry would be
tempted by the thought. They both would be. The reprieve of living with another
family had not been the balm Eggsy had hoped for. He wanted stability and love,
but also deep understanding, and most people wouldn't be able to understand him
and everything he'd gone through.
"I almost forgot." Harry interrupted Eggsy's thoughts, bending to fish in his
pocket for something before he pulled out a hand held camera. "I wanted to
remember this, and I thought I might try it the proper way." His smile had an
edge of sheepishness, but he looked excited all the same. He motioned for Eggsy
to turn so that the lights outside would shine on him while Harry could still
frame the city out the window behind him.
"Oh? All right, yeah," Eggsy exclaimed, but he seemed to have other ideas. He
reached out for the camera instead and gestured for Harry to join him. "It
never comes out proper with those cameras on the phone. C'mon, scoot in.
Closer, I can't angle it just right otherwise." Eggsy shifted and squirmed
until they were packed close together, wrapped in each other with the city
shining in the backdrop beyond them. He took a few photos just to make sure
they got a good one among the lot, but once they were done, he didn't pull
away.
Harry didn't move either, but he did pluck the camera from Eggsy's hands and
brought up the photos on review mode for them to see. In spite of the blind
attempt at getting both of them in the frame, most of the time they were, and
the colours were just right. Eggsy looked candidly happy in the first, with his
clear eyes brighter than ever and his still small face split into a grin, head
tilted towards Harry's. They progressed into him with varying degrees of cooler
and sillier smiles, while Harry remained unpretentiously happy throughout. The
distance between them never widened, and they looked comfortable in each
other’s presence.
When Harry stowed the camera in his pocket, he still didn't pull back. "I think
these will do just fine." And then he was looking down at Eggsy, who probably
still looked like he had in the photos, wide eyed but not so naive anymore.
"Maybe they will, but what about me? I dunno if I'm so fine at all," Eggsy
countered with a huff, shooting a lopsided smile up at Harry and rolling his
eyes. "What if I'm all fussy and high maintenance? I had plenty of opportunity
to learn, after all. Fancy food, and drink, and music and books and movies and
opera shows and dapper suits with shined shoes all over the place."
Harry raised a brow, but he was smiling still. "Then I'd say be careful or
you're liable to become me. What would we do if there's two of us?" From the
outside, they probably looked comfortable, leaning on the rail so close, but
between them the air crackled with Eggsy's teasing threats. "We'd need to get
you fitted for another suit, definitely, and if you started taking showers as
long as I do, we might have to renovate the downstairs toilet or we'd be at
each other's throats soon enough. But all things considered, I can't say that I
mind terribly."
"I dunno about bein' another you, but I could think of a lot involvin' you. You
look better out of your suits anyways," Eggsy drawled, still conscious enough
to keep his voice low. His hands snuck around the edges of Harry's coat and
pressed into the older man's sides. "I think if anyone should be worried, it
outta be you, right? You're the one all torn up and comin' after me, after
all."
Harry's breath hitched. Eggsy heard it clear in the empty car. Harry moistened
his lips before he spoke again. "You're telling me things I very much like to
hear and then telling me I should be worried?" Eggsy's hands didn't move away
and Harry luxuriated in their touch. He didn't dare move his own. He was taller
and it would be too obvious, but if anyone looked too closely at Eggsy, he'd
seem like he was loosely hugging Harry round the middle.
"Yeah. If I become you, I don't think you'd like it very much. You like me
because we're kinda alike, but different. If you wanted someone just like you,
you would've gone for another spy or some posh tosser ages ago. Or even one of
their kids." Eggsy sucked on his lower lip and his eyes turned upward in
thought. "Come to think of it, you did go for another spy's kid. Just not a
posh one."
Harry gave a quiet snort. "That wasn't intentional. Nor was it a trend in my
tastes. Your father was simply the connection that brought me to you. Although
I will concede that it would be difficult to deal with you if you were my
double, as I am notably difficult." There was uninhibited fondness in his eyes
when he looked at Eggsy. "I do like you for being you though, it's true."
That matched with the way Harry had treated him when they lived together. Harry
took him to all sorts of "Harry" places like high class restaurants and the
theatre, but he also took Eggsy to places Eggsy wanted to go and let him see
his friends when that had still been a regular occurrence and never commented
on whether they might be good or bad influences for Eggsy.
"So, yeah. You best be on your guard, because if I start resemblin' you more I
might wreck you more than I already have, supposedly." Eggsy shot Harry a
cheeky smirk, but his hands didn't leave the older man's sides. He stayed
close, closer than he needed to, as the car slowly lowered itself back towards
the ground.
"I'll be on my guard." Harry held back a wider smile, but let Eggsy see the
effort.
They stood that way, in comfort and in the quiet of the insulated car, looking
out as the city enveloped them back into itself once again and they reached the
ground. Eggsy had to remove his hands from Harry's waist and they exited
swiftly, merging with the crowd as soon as they were free of the boarding area.
By then the sun had truly set and the park and gardens around them were lit up
in dazzling blues and pinks. Harry's arm wrapped around Eggsy's shoulder as
they walked, taking one last glance back up at the Eye as they went.
"So," Harry began after a few minutes, "when would you like to make the move?"
"Fairly soon. In a couple of weeks, maybe sooner. I'm gonna need a bit of time
to adjust and say goodbye, and I don't... want the Wilsons to feel bad about
things. They're nice people, really. They just ain't gonna work for me, but
that ain't their fault." Eggsy shoved his hands in his pockets and did his best
to match Harry's stride. It wasn't as much work to do so as it had been in the
past. "An' we gotta... go over the rules, of how this is gonna go. It don't
mean everythin' is gonna go back like how it used to be."
Harry nodded. He looked like he understood. "You take some time to think on
that and then we'll talk it over. We'll talk to the Wilsons once that's
decided."
Just in case. That was Harry's reasoning. If Eggsy didn't think he wanted to go
back after they'd talked, then they wouldn't have to explain anything to the
Wilsons just yet, and Eggsy wouldn't be beholden to his plan until they'd
agreed on boundaries. If Harry was worried, he didn't show it. Eggsy had
shocked him up there on top of the city, but he was forcing himself calm now.
Eggsy nodded. He didn't know what else to say, and his tongue stuck to the roof
of his mouth as they drifted through the crowds. Nobody around them had any
idea who or what Harry was. Or what Eggsy had been. The two of them must look
like nothing more than father and son walking together. "We still got time to
get hot chocolate or somethin'? I could use somethin' warm."
Harry smiled down at him. "Absolutely."
They left the crowded park and moved back to the city streets, but Harry chose
to walk until they found a place rather than take the car. The air was getting
chillier, but it wasn't unbearable, and his arm was warm over Eggsy's jacket.
They passed a tourist pub and a few delicatessens before they found a coffee
shop on the corner. Harry was very careful to make sure they had hot chocolate
and sweets on the menu before he nodded his approval, however.
They ducked inside and Eggsy breathed a sigh of relief at the warm, aromatic
interior. Like libraries, there was something about coffee shops that couldn't
be replicated elsewhere. After a few moments of pondering, they ordered and
took a seat in a relatively secluded corner to wait for their order to come up.
"Thanks. For takin' me to the Eye and all. I didn't think I'd like something
like that but it was pretty nice to see everything from high up."
Harry looked pleased with himself. "That's good to hear. Things like that can
be experiences you'll have for a long time. Good experiences." Eggsy had plenty
of bad experiences he wasn't about to forget any time soon, and Harry knew he
had good memories, too, but they weren't as abundant as they once were. "Is
there anything you'd like to do once you don't have to worry about the Wilsons?
I know you were thinking of programming and martial arts classes. Are you still
interested in those?"
"Yeah. I don't know what else, but it'd be nice to try some things and see what
I like. Since I never really got a chance before. I was thinkin' about wanting
a dog, too, but it might be too soon for that." Loneliness had worn on Eggsy
and the idea of having a companion like a dog was highly appealing. "It'd be
nice to go skatin' again. Or just... have a vacation. Y'know? I didn't get much
of a break after I got off the street, 'cause it was right into catchin' up
with school."
"Mm, yes I can imagine. Maybe we can plan something in the next couple months.
Get out of the cold for a bit." A distant look passed across Harry's face and
Eggsy knew he was sorting through ideas. "After you're settled in of course.
And maybe then you can think about getting a dog. It would have to get along
with Mr. Pickle, but it might do that old dog well to have some company. He
misses you, I think. Always very excited to see you when you're over. So much
he even waits at the door sometimes."
"I thought he might not really remember me at all. Like, that he just gets
excited whenever anyone different is over." Eggsy had thought, before, about
how Harry's dog might have factored into things. He'd certainly played a part
in introducing them, doubtless at Harry's direction since he'd proven to be a
very obedient dog. The realization had made Eggsy wonder precisely how many
boys Mr. Pickle might have seen come and go. "It's gonna be alright, isn't it?
If I'm there but it's not the same as before, maybe not what you'd hope for,
even?"
Harry was quiet, but he nodded. "Yes, that would be alright. You can stay with
me in whatever capacity you want to." His eyes slid off Eggsy but the counter
caught his attention and he offered a small smile before he rose to get their
order.
Harry returned with coffee for himself, a steaming mug of hot chocolate for
Eggsy, and a plate of pastries and chocolates to share between them. Harry went
for the dark chocolate first, as he always did. It paired well with coffee, or
so he said. Sweet and bitter rolled into one. He didn't inquire further on
Eggsy's warning, but Eggsy could tell he hadn't taken it lightly.
Eggsy didn't try to reassure Harry. He didn't need to. The older man's hopes
and worries were his own burden. Eggsy didn't owe him anything. Even living
with him at all should have counted as a blessing, after all they'd been
through. The boy lost himself in his mug of hot chocolate for a moment,
breathing in the sweet steam. Life was so much simpler when it was all about
small pleasures.
"Do I get to stay in the house alone, if you gotta go out for work?"
"I don't think that would be any trouble." Harry sorted through the cream
pastries until he found the Bavarian. "You're older now and used to taking care
of yourself. I don't think I would have to have anyone check in on you for any
reason other than to see a friendly face." They both knew there weren't many
people Harry could invite over who might meet that description, however. But if
Eggsy was attending recreational classes in the city and going to school again,
he wouldn't be completely shut in. And he might have the opportunity to make
friends, if he could ever stop worrying about the tenuousness of his living
situation.
"Will you show me where everything's stashed, this time, so I don't gotta worry
about settin' something off by mistake? And will you actually tell me where
you're goin'? You don't even have to say what for, I just kinda want to know
how far away you're gonna be workin', and when you're comin' back." Eggsy
picked up a pastry and bit into the flaky, buttery, sweet crust. His heart felt
too large in his chest, much too large for a calm conversation in a little
cafe.
"I can tell you that much, yes, my general location and how long I'll be away.
And I can show you where I've kept things in the house, although you might just
want to avoid messing with anything in the bedroom in general. I move things,
leave things, and forget they're there sometimes. Like those shoes you found."
Harry sipped his coffee and started meeting Eggsy's eyes again. "Would you be
ok, being there again with all of that? With what I do? Knowing more about it
than you did before?"
"Yeah. I'm pretty sure I would. I'm not gonna like all of it. I can't promise
that, because I'm pretty sure I'm gonna keep on not liking some of it." Eggsy
shrugged and swirled his hot chocolate in his mug, watching the melting whipped
cream turn into a lazy spiral. "I'm not scared of it anymore, though. Or of
you. And I ain't gonna tell you to change yourself, just so long as you don't
try to get me to change neither."
Harry gave another nod, slow and serious. "I don't want to ask that of you. And
I...thank you for your understanding."
Harry hadn't been asking anything of him except to go back to school and look
for a decent home since Eggsy had returned. But Harry had never really asked
much from Eggsy, not outright. With the little things, like Eggsy taking Aikido
and such, he would pursue it only if Eggsy had shown an interest. Within a
larger context though, he'd outright manipulated everything so that he didn't
have to ask.
Eggsy knew it, too. The boy was too wary and aware now to not have an eye
attuned towards spotting such things. Harry asked for things in the spaces
between the seconds, in the small inclines in his body and the light in his
eyes and the atmosphere and circumstances around him. He didn't need to voice
it, because it hung in the air, unsaid but no less weighted when they found and
sank into the flesh. Harry wanted to turn back the clock, to a greater or
lesser degree.
Eggsy had wanted the same, but for having been lied to and led from one
decision to another. And that was a very big 'but'. For now, Harry was
accepting what Eggsy offered him, and though the air was always heavy between
them with the weight of everything left behind, they could still sit down and
have coffee. Harry was still the one who knew Eggsy best. If Eggsy were to give
him nothing more after moving back, Harry might accept it. Harry was a very
patient man. He might try to wait, but if Eggsy never really wanted what they'd
had before, Harry would be able to tell. That had been one of the most
important parts about what they'd had--that Eggsy had wanted it.
Paramount at the moment was for Eggsy to feel safe, wanted, and understood.
Wanted passed without question, but safety and understanding had become more
notable by the contrast of how the boy had felt when around Harry, and how he'd
felt around his foster parents. The constant vigilance and deep knowledge that
he'd be rejected if they knew more about him had formed a wall that had
prevented him from truly bonding with the Wilsons. That wall wasn't present
around Harry, as Harry already knew everything and accepted Eggsy as he was.
The longer they ate with silence between them, the easier it became. What
tension had been there gradually relaxed in the familiarity of the other's
presence. Harry had made sure Eggsy felt comfortable with their closeness from
the very beginning, and that came right back when guards were lowered between
them.
Harry took the last few sips of his coffee and his mouth pulled into a grin,
eyes catching on something about Eggsy. He lifted his hand and brushed at the
corner of Eggsy's mouth in one smooth motion from start to finish, without any
self-consciousness, and wiped away a stray bit of chocolate. Harry's eyes were
still smiling when he went back to his own desserts.
Eggsy flushed without thought, not a reaction of a rush of anger, but
attraction. All wasn't lost. Harry might not be forgiven, but some sort of
essential healing had progressed in Eggsy. Harry was no longer the feared
boogieman of Eggsy's homeless period, but not the safe and innocent lover he
originally was either. He was something different.
They finished their meal quietly, and then took their plates up to the bin and
made sure their jackets were buttoned up tightly, warm and snug for the chill
outside. Harry took a deep breath and seemed a little reluctant to leave. Maybe
it was the warmth of the shop or maybe it was the knowledge that Eggsy would
have to return to the Wilsons, but he still looked happier than Eggsy was used
to seeing him lately. "I suppose we'd better get you back."
"Yeah, I guess." Eggsy seemed equally reluctant, and that was something. He
hadn't tried to reassure Harry about his transference of living quarters -
quite the opposite - but unsaid words were all visible in the furrow of Eggsy's
brow and how the boy lingered closer to Harry's side than he needed to. Trust
was slowly getting restored, and the initial attraction was still there despite
all the odds. "You'll get stuff ready, right? I don't want them hurt any more
than they're gonna be that I'm moving."
"Yes, I'll see to that. And I'll make sure they have every opportunity to
foster again soon if they'd like to. We did make absolutely sure they would be
ok with having you for only a short while in the beginning, whether they're
hoping for more now or not." Harry held the door and they stepped outside in a
gust of cold air. He waited until they were farther down the walk before he
spoke up again. "I...I might tell them that I'm the one interested in adopting
you. From what they know, we've known each other for some time and they know
we're close. The idea of you going with someone you know and like might make it
easier for them."
"Yeah, maybe so. They already know you kinda spoil me, and we've told them
you've known me for years in the system. They'll probably ask why you haven't
done it before now, though." Eggsy shrugged. It didn't matter so much to him
except in how far the Wilsons might question the reassignment. They'd obviously
feel slightly hurt that they weren't chosen.
"They probably will, and I think I can offer them a decent explanation about
working with you for that long and needing to be sure I was ready to adopt."
Harry laid a hand on Eggsy's shoulder again, re-establishing contact while he
could. They could either tell the Wilsons that Harry was taking Eggsy and
accept their curiosity on the matter, while assuring them that Eggsy was going
to live in a home with someone he was already happy with, or they could say
that Eggsy was moving on to a different family and essentially cut contact
while leaving the Wilsons wondering whether he would be happy with new people
he didn't know and what they might have done wrong.
"I think that will work. Just let 'em know they weren't bad at it, or anything?
'Cause they weren't, they're probably gonna be good parents for someone else.
Just not me." Eggsy looked around, making certain they weren't well observed
while they walked back towards the car before he leaned closer to Harry. "I
don't want 'em hurt. But I really don't want to keep living with them. It's not
gonna work."
Harry smiled down at him and pulled Eggsy into a half-hug. "I'll do my very
best to convey as much. And they might miss you, but I think they're
intelligent enough to understand even if we frame it a little differently."
When they reached the car, Harry had to let Eggsy go, but at least they were
soon out of sight of the public again. And as soon as Harry turned the heater
on, they warmed up quickly.
The Eye stood out, bright and blue, against the city across the water as they
left the parking lot. Harry's gaze lingered on it before he glanced at Eggsy.
Always, he was assessing Eggsy's mood, what he thought about what they were
doing, and what he felt. It never seemed to tire Harry to do so, and he'd
always seemed to have a better gauge of Eggsy's mood than most.
The boy was preoccupied, as could be expected. Things were going to change, and
even though he'd chosen the changes it was a looming cloud on the horizon.
Pastries and hot chocolate had served to settle Eggsy's stomach, but they could
never settle his mind. He turned to watch Harry as they drove back towards
Kensington. "You sure you're gonna be ok with this?"
Harry glanced back. "I will be. And if you're still not sure of that, then you
can at least know that I was ready to accept that you were living with other
people before this. I know you were worried about my overall state of well-
being, but I was still ready to accept that." Harry turned his eyes back to the
street and gave Eggsy some space. There was a lot weighing on how Harry would
take their new situation. Whether he would expect steps toward what they had
before or whether he would continue to see Eggsy living with him and no more as
better than Eggsy living elsewhere.
Eggsy took the reassurance in silence. There was little more that he could
concretely demand. He'd already warned Harry that things weren't automatically
going back to the way they’d been, and that he was going to insist on
maintaining the privacy and security of separate quarters. Harry had to realize
that Eggsy wasn't simply falling back into his lap. This was a change, but not
a sign that all was forgiven.
After Harry dropped Eggsy off at the Wilsons, his thoughts ran in circles all
the way home. He nearly poured himself a drink straight away once he stepped
through the door, and remembered only when he'd reached the kitchen that he'd
agreed to restrain the habit. So instead he made himself a pot of tea and
leaned against the counter, staring off into space while he imagined Eggsy,
arms full of bags and boxes of the personal items he'd collected over the past
short months, pushing through the front door on tottery legs, coming home to
stay.
Harry stood there with the kettle boiling, unable to do anything but imagine
Eggsy in every space in the house again, for a solid quarter hour before he
glanced at the phone. Eggsy would be watching, he knew. And Eggsy knew Harry
would tell Merlin, but Harry also didn't want to seem like telling Merlin was
the first thing on his mind after he received the news himself. He decided it
could wait for tomorrow, when he was out of the house and when he and Merlin
usually had conversations Eggsy might not appreciate hearing, whether they were
about him or Merlin's personal projects.
Harry went to bed that night and had a difficult time sleeping, wondering if
Eggsy was watching and wondering if this could really work.
The night passed slowly, particularly so when Harry's thoughts refused to still
until the morning. Despite knowing very well that Eggsy wasn't there yet, Harry
was thrown back to the days right after Eggsy had run away, when grief had
weighed so heavily that sounds were imagined to be confirmation of the boy's
presence and Harry was prompted to wander the rooms of the house, as if
everything might have just been a bad dream and he'd find Eggsy somewhere.
Having Eggsy in the house would be difficult, but much less so than having him
far distant, never again to be seen or heard, touched or conversed with.
Chapter End Notes
     Next chapter is going to be at least a week late, just a warning.
     As usual, you can join us this Saturday (10/29) for the chat at the
     Dark_Kingsman_Block_Party!
***** Chapter 52 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
It wasn't until Harry opened his eyes to the dim light of morning and the
persistent buzzing of his alarm that he realised he'd finally managed to fall
asleep. He slapped a hand over the clock to shut off the alarm before rolling
over and staring up at the ceiling, already thoughts of Eggsy returning
flooding through his mind to pick up right where he'd left off.
It was enough motivation to get him out of bed promptly, and Harry went through
his morning routine with an energy he hadn't had in weeks. He was dressed and
out the door with coffee in hand with minutes to spare for once, and by the
time he arrived at HQ, he was unusually early.
Harry visited his office, checked his messages, and took care of the more
tedious aspects of spy work until it was nearly lunch time, at which point he
tidied up and headed straight for Merlin's office.
The door unlocked promptly as soon as Harry rapped, admitting him inside. For
once, Merlin looked openly curious. "I take it something notable happened
yesterday? Beyond the rather picturesque outing. Drama and aesthetics are all
very much your forte but not much of a reason to come here looking like you've
been hunted." At another glance, Merlin noted the shadows around his friend's
eyes and stood. "You look like you could do with a spot of coffee. Or another,
if you've already had one."
Harry shot Merlin an open grin before he managed to subdue it. "That would be
much appreciated, thank you." He felt like he was half nerves. Usually he took
a seat or they went out for food, but all Harry could do was stand. "And you're
quite right, something did happen yesterday." Harry followed Merlin's back as
he went to pour grounds in the coffee pot and felt the weight of his own words
before he spoke them. He was sure that Merlin was just waiting for him to be
done with his dramatic opening, but Harry couldn't help it. He felt like this
deserved the emphasis. "Eggsy's told me he wants to move back in."
Merlin straightened. Harry didn't often get to see him surprised, but the pause
in his movements told Harry just how thoroughly Merlin's thoughts had derailed
at that admission. "He did what? I knew that he was considering a great many
things and feeling pressured to act quickly, but I didn't think that would
translate into something so... unexpected."
Merlin blinked and looked Harry over, a frown gradually creeping back into his
features. "Tell me you've not put all your hopes on this. We may not even know
what Eggsy is thinking when he's suggesting moving back."
Harry shook his head. He wanted to grimace and smile at the same time, one part
of him warring against the other and it must have looked like a very confused
expression because Merlin continued to watch him closely. "I know. I do. He
even warned me about that. It was the very first thing he said, that it wasn't
going to be like it had been before...." Harry's nerves calmed as he spoke,
remembering Eggsy's careful insistence at the time like Eggsy was there, saying
it all over again. "It isn't a definite thing yet. He wants to come back--he
said he doesn't feel like he can talk to his new family openly and...well...I'm
sure there are other reasons that have to do with how he feels about me--but he
wants to make up a list of rules first."
"That's to be expected. He's had enough of his boundaries being violated. He
wants to be able to set his limits and test if you'll respect them." Merlin
turned back to the coffeepot briefly, finishing the tasks necessary to start a
pot brewing. Once the green light came on, her drifted back towards his desk,
leaning against the front of it instead of resuming his seat. "He's very
conflicted about you. I'm becoming more and more convinced that he wants to
heal the rift, just as you do, but if you show signs of pushing him and
pressuring him towards that end, he may leave again. You can't let your
feelings get the better of you in this."
Harry nodded, feeling the tiredness he'd been avoiding begin to sink in. "I
know. That's...been very clear. If I do anything out of bounds, he's gone." His
eyes fixed on the coffee pot rather than on Merlin. "But even if nothing more
comes of it, I would still like to have him back in the house. Back on good
terms." Harry's voice grew quieter as he imagined it. Having Eggsy living
there, close maybe occasionally, even in only innocent ways, that wouldn't be
so bad. Eggsy had wanted more on a few occasions since he'd been back in
Harry's orbit, but Harry knew that didn't necessarily mean those encounters
would continue. "If I can just have him happy to be in my presence again, that
would be something."
"Are you sure you'd be satisfied with that? I don't mean that in a belittling
way. Some people simply cannot deal with having an object of intense emotions
and desire right beside them and knowing that they'll never have anything
more." The coffee maker chimed, and Merlin turned to fill them a pair of mugs.
"You were not content with watching him at a distance before."
"I don't know," Harry admitted. "I feel like I am at this point, but I remember
what it was like watching him all the time and not being able to get any
closer. On the other hand, if he grows out of wanting anything more from me,
that is what I'd anticipated might happen years ago, no matter how painful it
might be. Even if he never found out about me and none of this happened, I knew
there was a high likelihood he'd move on eventually and that it would not be
easy to watch him leave. I had always hoped that if that happened, we'd remain
close in other ways still."
Merlin handed Harry a mug and, after a moment, rested a now-empty hand on his
friend's shoulder. "I know better than to try dissuading you from trying this.
Either of you, point in fact. All for the better that Eggsy is the one
suggesting it and at the helm, particularly for trying to heal old scars
between you. I would prefer that you be careful and come talk to me about this,
for the duration. You're too emotionally close to everything to be able to pick
up on your blind spots, and I worry that you'll make a rash decision that ends
up being the wrong one. You tend to go with instinct when backed into a corner
and, while it serves you well in the field, I don't think it will go well where
Eggsy is concerned."
Harry nodded and let himself lean into the touch as though Merlin were
steadying him. "I know I'll take you up on that." Harry knew that he would need
that advice. He took a sip of his coffee and offered Merlin a small smile.
"Even Eggsy mentioned asking you for your thoughts, by the way. I wasn't sure
if he'd bring it up with me, but I think it was a good sign that he did. It
could have been a one-off, but I suppose we'll find out if he calls you up
again."
"I suppose we will, but I'm not hedging my bets on it. Once was quite a
surprise, but more than once and I'd have to ask you what you're telling him to
get him to engage with me." Merlin shrugged and raised his own mug. "My own
suspicions are that Eggsy had no one else to turn to, aside from you. He was
concerned and wanted input, but knew very well that no one else would have
answers or be safe to confide in except the only other person who was already
informed."
Harry gave a tight lipped smile and nodded. "That's probably true. Although,
maybe I'm imagining it, but he seemed a little less insistent on verbally
tearing you down lately." With a sigh, Harry pulled over his usual chair and
sank down. He was more tired than he realised, even if his thoughts continued
to keep him from feeling the full effects of it. "I'm going to have to talk to
the Wilsons next. After I meet with Eggsy to go over these rules, that is. But
I'm thinking about telling them that I, as his former case supervisor, am the
one adopting him. I know that sounds risky, but I think in the context of the
story we've given them, it would make sense and might allow them to worry less
than if we were to say Eggsy was moving on to another stranger's home."
Merlin considered for a moment and slowly nodded. "That might be for the best.
While they may voice concerns about conflicts of interest and power
differentials, they're now familiar with the fact that you've known Eggsy for
some time. They're going to want to know why you didn't adopt him before this,
but the alternative is dealing with their concern regarding Eggsy going off
with strangers and why they were found unsuitable for fostering and adopting
him."
"My thoughts exactly. My hope is that it won't seem too suspicious and will
weigh on their minds less. It would also be good if we could attempt to line
something up for them with another foster child soon after. Not too soon,
just...soon enough for them to be thoroughly occupied if they'd like to try
again, and less interested in checking in on Eggsy very often." Harry didn't
think Eggsy would disapprove of that type of string-pulling, and when he'd
suggested as much, the boy hadn't argued. He knew Eggsy might feel guilty, but
it would probably be easier on the boy than leaving the Wilsons worried.
"That can be arranged. I'm sure they'll still want to see Eggsy every now and
then, but if they become preoccupied with an adopted child of their own,
they'll gradually forget to check in as often. Unfortunately it's now
inconvenient that the Wilsons happen to be located so close by, instead of
across the city. Far more opportunity for them to drop by until they're
suitably distracted." Merlin looked up, met Harry's gaze, and got an unspoken
answer without ever needing to broach the question. Eggsy would be unhappy if
the Wilsons had an accident or disappeared, and he'd know precisely whom to
blame. "I suppose I can see if we have any contacts with prime real estate or
job opportunities to... persuade them to pick up stakes and move house at some
point."
"That would be...preferable. If they remained in the area and happened upon us
out and about, it likely wouldn't lead to too much trouble, but it would be
better for all of us if that didn't happen." Harry was fairly sure that
although Eggsy liked the Wilsons enough, he wasn't exactly keen to continue
seeing them on a regular basis, which they might offer if it was still
convenient for them to do so. "I suppose we can make arrangements for that over
the next week or two. I imagine I'll meet with Eggsy to talk about these new
rules soon and we'll go from there."
Merlin went silent. That wouldn't be unusual in and of itself but for how
attuned Harry was. It was the wrong moment for silence. He raised his eyes and
noted how carefully Merlin was avoiding looking directly at him. "I imagine
Eggsy will want a lot more control over the environment around him, if he's to
move back in."
"He might want to turn the cameras off for good," Harry concluded. It was
almost a foregone conclusion really. Eggsy already demanded they were off
whenever he visited, and although Merlin had access to them otherwise, Eggsy
cared less about that because he had access as well. Once he moved in, he
wouldn't need it anymore, and he would want them off. Harry rubbed at his
temple, not liking what this was going to do to his friend, but he couldn't
think of a way around it if Eggsy had the final say.
"More than even that, he may decide he doesn't appreciate my presence beyond
the cameras. He's been less than pleased with us conversing, particularly about
him, and he wasn't fond of my visits even before he knew what our friendship
and working relationship entailed." Being cut off would be nearly as bad as
Harry outright being told that they weren't allowed to interact anymore. Merlin
remembered well how engulfed Harry had become when Eggsy had lived with him
before. The boy's return would mean that Harry would essentially be living in a
blackout zone going forward.
Harry went quiet. That was one thing he wasn't sure if he could do for Eggsy.
He'd tried so hard to tell the boy that, and he'd hoped it had gotten through.
Eggsy had had so many complaints about Merlin and yet he'd never outright asked
Harry to restrict contact. If Eggsy thought these rules might be the right time
to ask that from him.... Harry shook his head. "If he asks that the two of you
don't see each other any longer, it would be inconvenient, but we might be able
to make it work. If he asks that I break contact with you...I don't know that
I'd be able to agree to that." Harry could feel Merlin watching him. "Based on
his conversations with me before, I think he already suspects as much, although
I can't say that being able to negotiate our new terms might embolden him to
try."
"He'll still insist that I not be able to see or hear anything in the house,
even if he doesn't insist on full cut contact." And Harry would agree. Merlin
knew he would. Blinding him wasn't as thoroughly crossing a line as cutting
contact altogether, for Harry. It wasn't as dire for Merlin either, but it came
damn close.
Harry frowned. From what he could tell, Eggsy's last conversation with Merlin
had gone better than they usually did, but he had to agree that Eggsy showed no
inclinations of letting Merlin watch him in his own residence again. "Whatever
we negotiate, he and I are going to have to make arrangements for the both of
us." Harry searched for the right words. "If he stays in the guest room like he
said he wants to, then I might be able to leave the cameras on in the areas of
the house that are mine alone...the office, the bedroom.... I know it's not
much, but I can try."
"I would appreciate it. Anything at all." Merlin was, on the whole, difficult
to offend in most conventional ways, but the situation couldn't help but dredge
up old resentment. He had so little in his life, and what he did have was being
taken away again. One of Merlin's many flaws was caving to possessive and
territorial feelings, and the current situation was a struggle. Eggsy and
Merlin both needed Harry in different ways, but Merlin was feeling the threat
of what he thought of as his own being wrested from him by no more than a few
words uttered from a youthful mouth.
"I understand." And Harry did. For a long time he'd been trying to keep some
form of balance between Merlin and Eggsy and it was not easy. The two had such
opposing motivations that the only real solution had been for them to avoid one
another and just interact with Harry. But Merlin was right. If Eggsy moved back
into Harry's home, then Merlin would be forced out. The only thing Harry could
think of doing was...coincidentally helped by the space Eggsy had wanted to
keep to himself. If Harry's spaces were his alone, then he should be able to do
with them as he pleased. He just hoped Eggsy would see it that way. "If he
agrees to this, he might just turn his own room into a wasteland in
retaliation, you know." Harry grimaced.
"I hope that isn't the case, but I wouldn't put it past him." Abruptly, Merlin
regretted it all. The impulse was nonsensical, as Harry's collision course with
Eggsy had been what had prompted them to become closer beyond their working
relationship, but Merlin couldn't help it. Though it was too late to tell now,
he wondered if he might not have been happier had he remained closed off and
never known that he could have and enjoy such a close friendship.
Harry shrugged. "I suppose I'll find out if I find crude murals on the walls
after the first week." He offered a small smile but didn't find it helped much,
so instead he finished his coffee. Harry wanted to encourage Eggsy to talk to
Merlin again, but he suspected that if Eggsy did so at Harry's bidding, it
wouldn't be for the right reasons and they would very likely fight again. When
Eggsy had done it because he needed something from Merlin, it had gone better.
Which meant that Harry had no real control over that, besides inviting Merlin
into his own life. Merlin likely suspected the same, and he did not look happy.
"Have you considered the rest of the arrangements, now that Eggsy is planning
to move back in? A different tutor will have to be secured, or the boy will
have to be enrolled in a private program to continue to get him caught up. He
will likely want to be more independent this time around and have his own
transportation and income at his disposal." Merlin didn't doubt that Eggsy
would chafe against anything that hinted at control or restriction. He wasn't
simply heading towards his rebellious teenage years, but also processing his
insecurities and grudges at the same time.
"I've thought about giving him the decision to move into a private program just
to get out of the house occasionally, but if we're above board about myself
'adopting' him with the Wilsons, then I don't see why it would be too much of a
stretch to tell the current tutor as well. It isn't out of the question they
could speak in the future." Harry sighed. He was usually fine with strangers
inside his home, even if he didn't have many, but Eggsy might be uncomfortable
being back at first, and that might show. "As for the rest, I believe it isn't
so uncommon for children to have an allowance as they get older, and he's
proven perfectly capable of using public transportation."
"True enough, but while Eggsy is used to public transport, he's also used to
not being treated as a child. You'll have to take care that any allowance isn't
interpreted as a parental indulgence, or a form of monetary control or bribery.
And while the adoption will appear perfectly legitimate, you may wish to
reassess the security risk the tutor might represent. All it takes is a bit of
carelessness, and Eggsy's going to be concentrating on his lessons instead of
paying attention to any small tells he might be giving off. His tutor will have
ample experience to compare Eggsy's behaviours at the Wilsons' house to how he
behaves in your own."
"True. That comparison could be obvious." Harry frowned. "I'll have him take
some time away from his studies 'for the move' and let him get comfortable,
gauge how he might behave in that space. And no, I do not want to suddenly
start acting like a parent. I don't think he would react well to that, either."
Harry's frown took on an edge of resigned amusement. Mostly at himself. "All
three of us know that in the end, I'll buy him whatever he wants, really. But
maybe if he has money of his own set aside to spend, he won't feel so dependent
on me."
"I would agree with that. Particularly coming from an impoverished background,
as he is, dealing with scarcity from his mother's house and then when he was on
the run. It will take time for him to lose a sense of... defensiveness and
anxiety around his finances and what leverage that might give you over him, or
how secure he truly is." Merlin shrugged. "He may not even be aware of his
feelings on the matter, or why he's reacting. Or voice his thoughts directly,
if he happens to become aware of them."
"Also true." Harry scratched at the back of his neck and crossed his ankles,
trying to get comfortable in spite of the uncertainty all this was bringing up.
"We'll find out I suppose." Eggsy had demanded Harry pay in a lot of ways for
the things he'd done recently, but it wasn't hard to imagine Eggsy going the
other way and turning very defensive of his independence. And Harry had yet to
speak with him about the details of these new rules Eggsy envisioned. "He may
want to speak to his mother again someday," Harry thought aloud, "...and she'll
know nothing of all this."
"I would think that to be a certainty, but I also think he won't be ready for
that for some time. He'll need to concentrate on himself until he regains a
sense of security and stability in his life. And a sense of control." Merlin
fixed his gaze on Harry. "That will be another discussion that will need to be
had, of course, but all of that will depend on what happens in the near future.
If things turn out as you hope they will."
Harry nodded. It was good to consider the long run, but they did have to focus
on the now. He and Merlin were in agreeance on most of this. He could only hope
that Eggsy would be, too. "It won't be long now. And we should get some lunch
if we want to beat the crowd." Harry was ready to talk about something else.
His mind had been turning this over for too long, with too much weighing on it.
"Believe it or not," he said as he rose from his chair, "Eggsy fairly teased me
over my involvement in your projects the other day. Teased me. After the
reaction he used to have." Harry shook his head, still a little bewildered.
Merlin paused and stared, and Harry could see curiosity gradually creep into
his expression. "...really. How did he endeavour to do that? That's an
encouraging sign, but I wonder if it's a matter of him accepting the projects
or simply accepting that you're choosing to participate and he can't affect
that."
"It could very well be the latter." Harry shrugged. "I believe he said that I
wasn't selling him on it while elbowing me in the ribs and then musing about
whether you display happiness by getting even more serious." He couldn't help
the twinge of a smile again at repeating the words to Merlin's face. Harry also
enjoyed teasing Merlin, and it wasn't often that he had the opportunity to do
so.
Merlin frowned, but in the way he did whenever Harry teased him, rather than in
true irritation. Harry was one of the few people he allowed to tease him, and
had done so even before their friendship had deepened. "I see that amused you
suitably. Don't tell me you believe that? The boy can be excused for not
realizing I have a sense of humour, I suppose. People seem to think Scots to be
a dour and irritable lot."
"Oh no." Harry's smile spread wider. "I can see how hard you try to keep it
under control when you get really excited." Harry clasped Merlin's upper arm
and knew his eyes were twinkling with mirth. Bottled up may have described
Merlin when he got like that, but 'serious' failed to convey what was really
going on. "But to be fair, you are dour and irritable besides." Harry gave him
an extra pat for good measure.
"Damn right. I am dour and irritable, but not without any taste for fun. As you
should know, but the staff recruits don't always appreciate it." Merlin's chin
lowered, and his gaze turned upwards towards Harry. On another face, it might
have been endearing; on his, it could only be threatening or sarcastic. "What
you're telling me is that the boy needs a proper introduction in order to
appreciate it more than one of my trainees who happens to get on my wrong side.
I'm not vacating your life, as you know. Or setting aside a handler's concern
for his partner. You won't be rid of me and I would prefer that it not be
tried."
Harry chuckled. "I do hope he'll see that someday." Harry knew that none of
them wanted to fight this battle forever, but there was no easy way out without
a certain degree of acceptance, not only understanding. "Perhaps we can work
out the details of such an introduction once he's settled." Harry straightened
and adjusted the folds of his suit before heading for the door. Imagining Eggsy
appreciating Merlin's particular brand of humour wasn't easy, but then again,
it might not be impossible either.
"You'll be alright, regardless. We'll figure out how to coordinate everything
that needs to get done." The transfer of guardianship. Relocation. Figuring out
Eggsy's educational path. Everything that fell into complicated space would be
taken care of, Harry had no doubt. He and Merlin had worked far more complex
cases before. Coordinating what was necessary for Eggsy's well-being wouldn't
be difficult, aside from the personal aspects.
"At least we can be certain of that, yes." Harry nodded and took in the quiet
reassurance in Merlin's gaze before schooling his expression into something
neutral and opening the door.
The pair headed off to lunch as they often did. Within the halls of
headquarters their conversation would turn back to work, but they were used to
the seamless switch. Sometimes it was even nice to fall back into work mode
just to keep thoughts of Harry's personal life on the back burner for a time.
Harry wasn't nearly as desperate for that as he'd been a year ago, however, and
for that he was grateful.
===============================================================================
Days passed before Eggsy arranged another day out with his foster parents. For
all they knew, he was going out to see friends, not his social worker. He left
the house with a full backpack and a skateboard, zipping down the sidewalk at a
notable speed despite the looks their neighbours gave him.
After several minutes, he slowed and came to a stop before Harry's house. A
kick brought the skateboard up into hand, and Eggsy rang the doorbell.
He didn't have to wait long before the door opened and he was met with Harry in
comfortable clothes and a draft of warm air from inside. "Come in, come in."
Harry ushered him forward and closed the door behind him, shutting out the
neighbourhood and enclosing Eggsy in the familiar front hall. More familiar
than the one he currently lived in. "Have you had any lunch?" Harry asked while
Eggsy propped up the skateboard against the wall. Something in the kitchen
smelled delicious. Spices and something fried, but it was difficult to tell
what.
"Nah, not yet. Told them I was gonna get lunch with friends, so they gave me a
couple quid for it." Eggsy had felt a twinge of guilt at that, but not enough
to stop. Certainly not enough to reconsider his choices. "I figured you'd be
makin' somethin' and we'd want to talk while eatin' anyways. Right?"
"Sounds good to me." Harry led the way to the kitchen where he'd prepared fried
chicken and rice boiling on the stove next to a pot of the sauce that was
permeating the air. Usually Harry waited for Eggsy to arrive before he prepared
lunch or dinner, but then again usually when Eggsy visited these days it was
also to view the mission logs. "There's a kettle on if you'd like some tea,"
Harry said as he brought out plates and began to dish them up, "Help yourself."
Eggsy did, rising up on the balls of his feet to reach everything, though it
wasn't nearly as far a stretch as it had been before. This time, the boy's
thoughts weren't of mission logs and what new revelations might be in store for
him to process. All he could think of was the decision he'd made, and the time
clock counting down towards it, and everything he needed to keep him feeling
safe. "Looks like you're cookin' more lately."
"Hm?" Harry glanced his way before thinking. "Oh. I suppose so. I thought it
would be nice since you were coming over." But he had been cooking for himself
more often these days. Not every day by any means, but more than he'd been
before. And his drinking was still at a minimum, too. It seemed there were some
benefits to Eggsy's surveillance, and not just for Eggsy's sake. He'd even
caught Harry smiling at a camera every now and then through the week. They were
fleeting moments, usually when Harry was getting ready for bed, and those
smiles were always wistful and warm.
"It's good. I mean, not just to eat your cookin'. It's good to see you
interested and doin' it. It's nice to watch." And watch he had. Eggsy had been
spending more time in his room lately, ostensibly working on his studies but
mostly keeping the cameras transmitting. He hadn't felt so alone, watching
Harry from a distance, and he'd been gratified to see that his concerns were
translating into real changes. Harry was no longer drinking himself into danger
or neglecting meals.
Harry looked up and smiled. He didn't comment on it as he brought their plates
to the table, but Eggsy could see his amusement mixed with appreciation. 'Still
worried about me?' Harry's smile seemed to say.
"It's been nice to know you're watching lately," Harry admitted as he sat down
at the table and poured himself a cup of tea as well. "But how have you been?
Have things been ok at the Wilsons'? The usual?"
"Yeah, pretty ok. Nothin' really new. They're good to me, but don't really
understand. I think that's gonna be a problem with all of their kids, unless
they adopt 'em young enough," Eggsy added. "They mean well, but they don't get
it. They're trying to adopt a kid and thinking about when they were a kid, and
not how things have been for the kid they're adoptin'. They're gonna be great
for the right person, it just ain't me."
Harry hummed and nodded. Little had changed in the past week, then. They ate
quietly for a few minutes before Harry decided to address the reason Eggsy had
stopped over. "So you're still sure you'd like to live here again?" His voice
was calm and smooth, just like he was asking about Eggsy's weekend plans, like
nothing weighed on Eggsy's answer at all.
"Yeah. I'm still sure," Eggsy countered. "Although, if I'm gonna be back here
again, there's gonna be some rules. You don't get to set 'em. I lived on my
own, and I can do it again. I'm not comin' back here just so you can control
me. You get it?" The boy speared another bite of chicken and stuffed his mouth,
never breaking eye contact with Harry.
"Yes." Harry nodded but remained unaffected by Eggsy's brashness. His
expression didn't change in the slightest. If it told Eggsy anything, Harry was
willing to listen to him, but still somewhat wary. But Harry didn't push after
that. It was pretty clear he preferred to finish dinner before speaking further
on the subject of rules and negotiations, if Eggsy was willing to allow any.
The boy picked apart his dinner, separating meat from bone in tender shreds.
"What are you thinkin' is gonna happen when I come back? Because we're not
goin' back to how it was. With you hidin' cameras everywhere and manipulatin'
me. I get my own space, and you don't come in there at all. With cameras or
anythin' else. You don't make me have to beg for money either. I don't wanna go
back to stealin' everything I need."
"I expected that. You told me as much when we last spoke." Harry's tone was
still calm, still careful. The atmosphere in the room had gained a quality of
tension, but Harry was doing his best to diminish it without sounding overly
placating. "I expect that if you move back in, things will be much as they are
now between us. That you'll have your own space and I will have mine
and...well, I will stay out of your space unless you say otherwise. I thought
you could have an amount of money to spend weekly, so you needn't ask anything
of me unless it's something very big."
The boy nodded. Being given things still wasn't to his taste, as it felt like
indulgence or being kept. But Harry did owe him, in a way that he could never
completely repay. "That sounds good. I ain't spend-happy or nothin', so it's
not like I'm gonna ask for stuff until you can't handle it. My room is off-
limits, though. For comin' in, for lookin' around at my stuff, or any sorts of
cameras. I don't want nothin' in there without my say so, alright?"
"Alright." Harry nodded. That was fair enough and what Harry had expected. He
was glad that Eggsy didn't have it in his head to pursue the route of revenge
in financially petty ways, not that he didn't have enough to spend, but he knew
it wouldn't make either of them happy. Eggsy really didn't like taking things
from other people, even if Harry owed him. Harry set down his fork and pushed
his empty plate aside. "What else?"
"You don't touch me unless I say so. Which I might, or might not, dependin' on
how things go. I don't owe you nothin', and you make no assumptions just 'cause
I'm livin' here." Eggsy stabbed his fork into a bit of meat and brought it to
his mouth. "If I make some friends, I get to have 'em over sometimes, and you
don't say nothin' about it. You tell me as much as you can about things before
you go off on a mission, and when you think you're gonna be back."
Harry nodded again. He'd been expecting the no touching rule. And friends....
He'd always tried to keep the house civilian-proof, even before Eggsy came into
his life. "I have no problem telling where I'll be, or within the general
vicinity if I can't say more specifically than that, or how long I'll be away.
If you have friends over, just try to keep them out of my room." Harry would
have to take to keeping his gadgets in a locked closet rather than the foot of
the bed if there was any chance kids Eggsy's age would be in the house, but
every weapon on the lower floors was either hidden out of reach or in a safe.
"Yeah, that won't be a problem. I wouldn't let anyone out of my sight in here."
Eggsy had learned the hard way just how much weaponry and danger was in the
house. "No cameras neither. You can keep whatever you need that points outward,
in case someone tries to break in or sommat. But I don't want to be recorded or
watched, no matter what I'm doin' at the time."
Harry had been expecting this, too. He straightened his shoulders but nodded to
show Eggsy that he understood. "I can take them offline in any communal areas
of the house, including your room, but I do not wish to turn them off in mine.
From what I understand of how you're envisioning this will work out, I do not
think that should pose a problem." Harry watched Eggsy carefully as he spoke
and even more so after for a reaction.
Eggsy's eyes narrowed. It was based on nothing coherent, simply a wave of
emotion. He didn't like being denied anything, or the notion that if he went
into Harry's rooms he would be watched. "Why? You that keen to let your friend
creep on you while you sleep? Undress? Rub one out thinkin' of me? Or is it
that he ain't allowed to watch me now, so you gotta let him watch whatever he
can get now?"
"He is a large part of it, yes," Harry said, face schooled to show no emotion.
"And if you have anyone else in the house, then I need to be sure I can see
anyone going into that room. You have your space to do with as you will now,
and I will have mine." Harry watched as the tension in Eggsy's bearing grew
more concentrated. He could emphasise the point, but waited. Eggsy wouldn't
take it kindly right now.
"I don't want him watchin' me. Or you," Eggsy ground out, even as he remembered
his last talk with Merlin. The man was alone but for his cameras, but that was
his choice. It wasn't Eggsy's fault that he refused, or couldn't, interact like
a normal person. "How can you even want that? He ain't your boyfriend."
"No, he's not. But I do not intend to break what connection we have." As
Eggsy's tone grew more irritated, Harry's grew softer. He swallowed and met
Eggsy's eyes, holding for a beat before he spoke again. There was no telling
how Eggsy was going to react, but Harry prepared for the worst. "And I never
said I'd take away your access to the cameras, either."
"That ain't the point!" Eggsy snapped. "It... It feels like cheatin'. Like you
travelin' to other countries and lookin' at other boys when you're there, even
if you don't do nothin'. It's like... like I ain't the only one. And you don't
care what's important to me or not. I don't like bein' watched, and I don't
like sharin'."
Harry folded his hands on the table. He wasn't sure if Eggsy was drawing a hard
line on this because of the position of insecurity Harry had put him in when
he'd found out all that Harry had done, or whether Eggsy would have always felt
this jealous. "The fact that I do not want to break my friendship with Merlin
does not take away my feelings for you, by any measure. Neither I nor Merlin
have a desire to become sexually, or romantically, intimate with each other,
but we do not have a normal relationship either. We're close. We share the
things that make us happy. That does not mean you have any obligation to do
anything for him, nor do I want you to. But he is a part of my life."
Eggsy looked down at his plate. "I don't get it, why you let him do that stuff
if... if you're not interested in everythin' else. I didn't like that I
couldn't stop him watchin' me out on the street, and I 'specially don't like
feelin' like he can see everythin' in the house. I get that he's lonely and
weird, 'cause we've talked a little, but I don't like it. It just feels weird.
I don't know if you can understand."
Harry shook his head. "If it were someone else, I'd feel the way you do. You
don't trust him. Or like him, I suppose, but one thing has fed into another to
make that feeling more concrete. But I do trust him. He's always been there for
me. I find his presence a comfort rather than an imposition. If Merlin's
watching, well...it means my world is a little safer. That had a lot to do with
how all this started." Harry would have liked to reach across the table and
break some of the distance between them, but he didn't want to impose anything
more upon Eggsy.
"I don't feel safer with him, though. I guess I can understand why you do,
because he's been lookin' out for you for years, but knowin' I'm watched
doesn't make me feel safer. It's like I'm back to bein' powerless, and I can't
do anything. An' like I don't get to have you, 'cause someone else does too.
Some stranger I don't even really know. Who's known you for so long, knows so
much about you and asks you to do all sorts of things, and I just can't compete
with that."
Harry sighed. "Eggsy. You are not competing with Merlin. I know this may be
hard for you to understand, but people can have more than one type of closeness
with others, and that doesn't take anything away from the love I feel for you."
Finally, Harry did reach across the table for Eggsy's hand. He curled his
fingers around it loosely. Eggsy's wrists were still so slim, his hands still
so small. Harry suspected they might always be that way even when Eggsy grew
up. He thought about Lee sometimes, and all the features the man had that Harry
had never really noticed until he wondered what Eggsy might be like when he was
older. But Eggsy had a lot of Michelle's delicate features, too. Like his eyes,
looking up at Harry with furrowed brows. Hers had been a deeper blue, but there
was a similar quality of distrust in them now.
"I've never had a mate I'd let do that. I'd trust some of them with a lot of
stuff, but I still wouldn't let 'em watch me. Or anyone I was datin'." Eggsy
huffed out a sigh. "I don't like that you kept secrets from me when you didn't
from him, neither. Or that he might know you better'n I will, 'cause he gets to
see you all the time and in all sorts of places and ways I can't. I don't know
if I can explain it."
"You've been very alone growing up these past few years. And I know most of
that has been my fault." Harry stroked his thumb over Eggsy's knuckles, the
skin still so soft. "Friendships don't usually get this close unless the stakes
are high and both parties have been isolated. I know things between Merlin and
myself are unusual. It's less uncommon in the world of spies to form such
trust, but by your standards it must seem very strange indeed. There are a lot
of unusual types in non-civilian life. But I don't wish to shut you out from
that part of my life, Eggsy. I have no qualms over you knowing as much as you
can about Kingsman or what I do."
Eggsy paused at that, still looking warily at the older man. "So you'd tell me
more than you have been? Or let me stick around, whenever... whenever you're
chattin' with your friend or havin' him over?" That was the clinch of it,
beyond the power differentials and jealousy and engrained distrust - Eggsy felt
left out and kept in the dark, with the people around him holding all the
knowledge and power over him and only sometimes giving him a bit in return.
Eggsy didn't trust Merlin because he didn't know him or have the opportunities
to really witness Merlin and Harry interacting in ways he could trust not to be
playacting and lies.
Harry was a little taken aback. "Yes. Of course. I thought that was already
part of this agreement. I've been showing you mission logs dating back decades
and we've already agreed that I'd tell you where I am and what I'm doing if I
have to leave for extended periods. I don't just mean I'm going to tell you
these things grudgingly or try to keep as many details secret as I can. You are
so far beyond the point of knowing what I've been up to that it hardly
matters." Harry gripped Eggsy's hand a little more firmly. "So long as you
don't use this information to go out looking for danger."
Eggsy shook his head. "Nah, I'm not that stupid. I got around you and Merlin,
but I don't think I would've lasted with an entire team of people lookin' for
me. 'Specially not if they really wanted to shoot me on sight, instead of just
kidnapping me. I just didn't know if you were gonna hide everything recent and
only let me look at stuff in the past. Or if you were gonna hide everything
Merlin asks you to do. Just 'cause I don't like it doesn't mean I don't wanna
know."
Harry nodded. "I see." Eggsy had thought he'd only reluctantly be let in. "I
want you to be in my life again. Not just part of it. I'll admit that secrecy
is ingrained in me, but if I have the chance to be open with you...I hope you
know that I want that more than anything." Harry offered the boy a small smile.
They both knew well that there were parts Eggsy didn't like, and some of them
were even due to Kingsman's policies, but most were Merlin's projects. Still,
Harry had been willing to talk about those, if reluctant to show footage.
Insecurity made Eggsy shift uneasily again. His chin tilted downwards and his
shoulders sloped with it. Eggsy was still a child, and a child who was used to
being deprioritized and neglected. "You do... I mean, I know you like me, or
you wouldn't have done everything or be all excited about me livin' here again.
But y'do like me better, don't you?"
Harry tilted his head, surprised at the question although maybe he should have
expected it. "Eggsy. I love you most in the whole world." He squeezed Eggsy's
hand and reached out to close his other over the first. "I care about Merlin,
absolutely. I want to keep him in my life. I enjoy what we share and I enjoy
seeing him happy. I care about him in different ways, but he knows this. When
the two of you have fought before, it wasn't because he wanted to take your
place in my life, he just doesn't want you to take me away from him."
"You promise?" Eggsy's voice was quiet, and the tentativeness only reinforced
what Harry already knew: despite how his life had toughened him up and given
him some unique exposure to life, Eggsy was still very young and insecure, for
all the resilience and bravery he'd developed. "Promise you're not going to get
rid of me, or replace me, or shut me out and only share stuff with him."
"I promise." Harry's face softened. He wondered if Eggsy would ever trust that
he was secure in Harry's life. If not, Harry had sabotaged that for himself,
and he knew it. He may never be certain of the future, and he knew that Eggsy
would grow up, but he couldn't imagine his feelings changing so much that he
would do any of those things Eggsy feared.
"Come here." Harry lifted Eggsy's hand and rose from the table, taking the boy
into his arms. "It'll be alright."
Eggsy pressed close and tucked his face against Harry's shoulder. It was a
familiar gesture, and comforting because of it - the scent of Harry's skin and
cologne beneath the fine wool and cotton, and the warmth and pressure of the
arms enfolding him. There was no way to tell if Harry's words and promises
meant anything. Eggsy would have to trust, and trust was difficult to come by
after everything that had happened. "How can it be alright if I don't know
what's gonna happen?"
Harry gave a soft sigh into Eggsy's hair. It might have been a laugh, even he
wasn't sure. "The secret is no one really knows what's going to happen. But we
can do our best to make the future the way we want it to be. Sometimes we can
be pretty good at that. Sometimes not." Harry pulled back to look at Eggsy. His
boy. Not so different from the boy he'd been when he'd first stepped through
Harry's door. Grown a bit and with lots more weighing on him now, but there
were still many experiences in life he had yet to encounter.
"I don't like not knowing." It was difficult for Eggsy to accept that Harry
didn't know. He'd controlled so many other things, he should have been able to
control that much... and yet, he hadn't been able to control Eggsy in the end
either. He'd bet against so many things, and lost. If Harry couldn't completely
count on himself for security, Eggsy shouldn't either. "I don't like not
knowing, at all."
The corner of Harry's mouth lifted. "No one does. Believe me." He found it
soothing to stroke the tiny hairs at the corner of Eggsy's temple, just as
soothing as he meant it to feel. "But it's a fact of life we have to accept in
order to keep living. And even if we make mistakes, we can get better at
anticipating the future, and planning for it. There are a lot of things I've
learned to control, but that control will never be perfect."
Harry lifted the boy up in his arms like he used to do and carried him into the
living room where they could sit on the couch. Dinner was already forgotten.
He'd clean up later. Eggsy needed to feel secure with him now.
"How can you be so comfortable not knowing, though? You don't go into a spy job
not really knowing, do you? You have people look into things and help back you
up, so you kinda know how things are gonna go. It's not totally random like
everything else seems to be." Like life with Eggsy's mother had sometimes been
when she got a bad boyfriend or had been too drunk. Or life on the street, when
a regular delivery could go wrong at a moment's notice. Harry was supposed to
be a professional at going into sticky situations and coming out alright, but
even he didn't have complete control.
Harry smiled and shook his head. "I think you're misunderstanding the matter of
degree. I have faith in my and my team's control over most things I do. And I
can usually assess the risk. We are very good at what we do." Harry paused to
take in the way Eggsy was hanging on every word, desperately hoping for
reassurance. "But if you don't anticipate that, sometimes--and you always hope
very rarely, things will go wrong. You have to be flexible in order to work
with that. You have to be as good as you possibly can, but you also have to
anticipate the unexpected will happen, and you have to roll with it."
"I don't know how to do that. I mean, I did what I had to do, but it wasn't the
best. Y'know? And I didn't even know if I was gonna make it. I thought I wasn't
gonna, even. I don't wanna live like that all the time, never knowing when I'm
safe or what's comin' up." Eggsy's eyes glittered with worry. He was still
remembering the security of his early childhood, where his mother might be
doing poorly but he always felt safe and like he knew what might be coming.
"Those times are usually exceptions. But, no matter how you felt at the time,
you have managed on your own. You made it through. And there were times when
you did it very well." Harry rubbed Eggsy's back, encouraging him to curl up in
the crook of Harry's arm. "You don't have to go on living like that anymore,
but whatever you do, you'll find more confidence as you grow older. You learn
how to create stability for yourself. Having a job, having a house and a car
and all the usual things people have. Those things help."
Eggsy nodded, but he was barely able to conceptualize having those things, much
less earning them. They were beyond his reach, the playthings and staples of
adults, not him. They were as far distant as the countries of Asia, or maybe
even Mars - perhaps achievably, or perhaps not in this lifetime. Too far to
think about, at any rate, and he pressed closer to Harry. "I don't want to get
older."
Harry clasped his hands together behind Eggsy's back and sighed. Not in
consternation. It was one that came from his belly, lifting Eggsy with it and
then slowly exhaling. Harry understood the weight in those words. He kissed
Eggsy's forehead. "You have time to enjoy your youth still," he whispered.
There was no stopping time and no stopping change. Eggsy would have to,
eventually.
"That makes it sound like some sort of... deadline," Eggsy complained. Thoughts
of the future were too uncomfortable, and always had been. Less so right then,
as Harry seemed more apt to help him, but Eggsy had always looked to the future
with a measure of despair, seeing older men and his friends drift into dead end
jobs and get trapped. "I wanna enjoy everything, but I also don't want...
everything else. I don't know what I'd even do when I grew up."
"You'll have to start thinking about it. It's hard when you've been distracted
by so many other pressing matters, like keeping a roof over your head." Harry
stroked Eggsy's hair, unable to keep his hands away for long. "And I didn't
mean to make it sound like a deadline. Only that what you fear isn't going to
happen right away. It definitely doesn't happen all at once. I just hope that
you'll feel more ready for it when the time comes."
"I know Peter Pan isn't real, but I still don't want it to come." An eternity
as he was felt better than the vast gaping uncertainty of the future as a grown
man. Harry had said his affection wouldn't wane, but Eggsy still felt uneasy.
He also couldn't look at older men and feel he wanted to be them. Harry,
perhaps, but not the others he'd seen - balding, overweight, absentminded and
irritable. "Did you want to grow up, when you were younger?"
"Yes...and no." Harry paused to consider how to explain. "I wanted to be
independent, to start living my own life. I think I was ready for that long
before I reached the age of majority. But it was also somewhat terrifying. I
confess I broke down the day I turned eighteen." Absently, Harry's thumb
massaged the back of Eggsy's neck. "Nothing too dramatic, mind you, and I never
told anyone, but I was afraid the law would look more harshly on...well, any
sort of relations I might have from then on. This was before Kingsman and
before I had more than a vague Idea of what I'd do in life."
"When you thought... you'd have to do a normal job, and..." Eggsy could easily
picture it. Not Harry as he was now, hardened from years of spy work and doing
all sorts of favours for his friends, but Harry as a young teen, just as Eggsy
had seen in the photo albums. Everything they had and had done was illegal,
Eggsy knew, and he could imagine what it might be like, Love between people of
the same sex would have been illegal and looked down upon, and between those of
different ages especially so.
Harry nodded. Eggsy understood. "Kingsman proved to be a good fit for me. A way
to take control of my life rather than letting it take control of me. As much
as I could, anyway. They needed someone who could keep secrets and could put in
the work. I was willing to learn everything they could teach me. Very willing."
Harry had wanted to explore the world, he'd wanted to do something exciting
with his life, something that fit him, but most of all he'd wanted to be free.
"I don't want you to feel alone." Eggsy knew how that felt, both the empty
longing and the fearful sense of vulnerability. He remembered both,
exquisitely. He couldn't imagine Harry being that vulnerable, and yet, Eggsy
had seen him upset. He'd seen Harry cry, and be afraid, and what it looked like
when he didn't think he was going to survive.
Harry looked down and made sure Eggsy saw his smile. "I'm not alone. I still
have you in my life, miraculously. And I have a team of people backing me up at
work. And Merlin included." Harry felt it when his face softened. "You know
it's going to mean a lot to me to have you here again." So many nights Eggsy
had watched Harry in a lifeless routine, and even though it had picked up a
bit, it was nothing like the atmosphere of the house when Eggsy had been there,
too. It was strange how there was such a palpable difference, like Eggsy added
something to the place even when he was in another room, or asleep in the early
mornings when Harry went down to make breakfast. Harry had been living without
even his ghost for a long time.
"Yeah. I'm not promisin' nothin', but I know. I feel better when I'm here, too.
Some of it 'cause I don't have to lie, I think, because you already know
everything. And some of it because I just feel safer. It sounds weird, after
everything that happened here, but I don't feel all watched and like I'm in
danger here like I kinda do in other places. Like I can be here and everything
stops."
Harry gave a small laugh. "I think I know what you mean." To an outsider, that
might indeed sound strange. Not to Harry though. "So. Are good and decided
then? You're sure you want to do this? The next step is telling the Wilsons."
It was something he needed to hear. One final time. Eggsy had been worried
about telling them, and this was his last chance to back out.
"Yeah, I'm sure. I've thought about it for a while, and the more I've done it,
the more sure I got." Eggsy's mouth set into the stubborn line Harry was now
very familiar with. Eggsy crossed his arms. "And before you say anythin', no,
it wasn't 'cause I felt like I had to, or needed to, or like you needed me
here. I didn't decide this 'cause of you, I decided it 'cause of me."
"Okay." Harry smiled. "I'll take your word for it." The way Eggsy adopted this
defiant posture while still seated in Harry's lap was hard not to find
endearing, but Harry did his best to take the boy seriously. He could tell
Eggsy meant it. He just looked very cute when he was trying to look otherwise.
"When do you think we should tell them?" Harry couldn't just take Eggsy off
their hands right away, but he and Merlin had already begun working out the
finer details of keeping the Wilsons distracted after the move.
"Sooner than later. I don't wanna hang around and get their hopes up and stuff.
I know they were thinkin' I was gonna be the one they adopted." Eggsy grimaced
and ducked his head. "It's gonna be awkward, but even more the longer it goes
on. 'Specially if they ask why I didn't give them any hints for all that time
about what I was thinkin'. But you can tell them somethin' kinda like the
truth? That we've known each other for a while, like we've told 'em, and you've
been lookin' after me, and lookin' into if you'd be allowed to adopt me even
though you were my social worker. And you got permission, and you asked me if I
was interested, and I said yes, so it's not like I'm goin' with some stranger
or they were bad at being foster parents." Eggsy shrugged. "'Cause they
weren't. They just weren't right for me."
Harry nodded. "I'll give them a call tomorrow, then. Let them know I have some
news and then speak with them in person. You don't have to worry about
explaining anything, although I'm sure they'd like it if you were there for
that conversation and can confirm you'd like to go with me." Harry was already
making plans for how he'd tell them and all the varied ways that conversation
could go. "We'll have you move shortly after that." He brushed the curve of
Eggsy's ear. "They might ask you some questions after this talk, but they're
not the sort of people who'd interrogate you or make you feel guilty for
leaving."
"I hope not." Eggsy already felt vaguely guilty, but he also knew he owed them
nothing. Just like with Harry, monetary care wasn't supposed to buy his loyalty
or time. The Wilsons were only doing what they had wanted to do, and Eggsy
wasn't cruel or taking advantage of them for having given them a chance. "I
just don't want them feelin' bad, and I don't wanna get ganged up on."
"I don't think they'll do the latter, and even if they are sad to see you go, I
have a feeling they'll try not to let it show too much. They've taken pride in
trying to be a good family. I doubt they'd spoil that now." Harry wondered what
it would have been like if Eggsy had gone to live with them in the first place.
If Michelle's troubles had ever gotten so bad on their own that Eggsy was put
into care and picked up by a nice family instead of Harry. Would Eggsy have
learned to love them? Would he have felt like he fit? Harry held the boy a
little tighter, not knowing the answer.
Stressful as it was, it was also pointless to speculate. Neither of them would
ever know what might have been. What had happened had happened, and Eggsy
wasn't the same boy he'd been when they'd begun. His life might have gone down
a different path, but the same could be said for anyone had the circumstances
of their lives been a little different. The best that could be done was to
build a healthy, happy future with the present they had. "I hope they don't
spoil it. I kinda like them. I just don't wanna live with them, I wanna live
here."
Harry bent and kissed Eggsy's forehead, his reassurance that, for now, things
would be ok. For once, the future had the potential to be ok, too. Not perfect,
perhaps, but ok.
Chapter End Notes
     Thank you all for waiting for this chapter. We always appreciate it.
     In addition to the usual DKBP Saturday chats, we're also doing Friday
     night chats! Join us 12/2 and 12/3 at the Dark_Kingsman_Block_Party!
***** Chapter 53 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
They sat in a comfortable embrace, enjoying each other’s' company and the
strangeness of a better future, until the clock struck 1. Eggsy had the
afternoon free, and it wouldn't be until dinner time that he had to go back to
the Wilsons'. The times he was usually at Harry's house these days were when
he'd asked for company or, more often, when he was looking through Harry's
life. Now, they were on the verge of transition.
But Harry was never one for awkwardness, so he suggested they put on a film in
celebration and extricated himself from Eggsy to make some popcorn.
Eggsy took advantage of the suggestion, reining in and re-ordering his thoughts
while he flipped through the available films. The boy was having a difficult
time talking himself down from all the things he wanted to do, including
revisiting the past by building a fort and reading comics. Such a gesture could
be read entirely in the wrong way, and Eggsy didn't want to signal to Harry
that things were going right back to how they'd been, or that everything was
healed between them, or that he could make any sort of assumptions at all.
When the scent of freshly popped and buttered popcorn wafted through the room
and Harry returned with a still sizzling bowl to place on the coffee table
between them, the setting was comfortable enough and familiar enough. Harry
closed the shades and then returned to the couch while Eggsy made his
selection, putting his feet up on a stool and taking a handful, then blowing on
the kernels to cool them down. He gave Eggsy a small smile and his body was a
familiar warmth against the boy’s side, but Harry let him have his space.
Eggsy wanted space, and he didn't. The beginning scenes began to unfold on the
screen, and Eggsy couldn't pay attention to anything but the form beside him.
He wanted too many things - independence and control, Harry desperate and
begging. Everything that he'd had before, pinned down and breathless. Scenes
unfolded on the screen in front of them, full of action and tension, and Eggsy
inched closer as slowly as he dared.
Harry gave no indication of noticing. His eyes remained on the telly, but when
Eggsy was fully pressed up against his side, his arm lifted to wrap around
Eggsy's shoulders. Like Harry didn't even think about it. He held Eggsy in that
casually comfortable embrace and enjoyed their closeness without ever looking
down at him and letting Eggsy know he'd been caught out.
Even if Eggsy pressed as close as he could, Harry didn't turn his idle stroking
of Eggsy's shoulder into a more sensual touch. Eggsy sometimes changed his mind
about what he came to visit Harry for, but this visit had been for a different
reason than most.
More plot unfolded on screen, intrigues and intense gunfights, and Eggsy barely
glanced at it. He'd consumed a few fistfuls of popcorn, but snacks or the movie
were not what commanded his attention. He'd been distracted before he'd even
arrived, anticipating that Harry would question his decision and his action
plan.
Strong fingers stroked along the boy's shoulder and the back of his neck, only
pausing when Eggsy faced him more directly and pressed even closer.
Finally, Harry looked down. Their eyes met. The corner of Harry's mouth lifted,
but there was a question in his gaze, trying to figure out if Eggsy wanted
more...and what that would mean now. The hand at Eggsy's shoulder lifted to the
back of his head and stroked the short hairs there. The longer Eggsy stared,
the more uneasy Harry looked. "Have I got something on my nose?" he finally
asked, quiet, almost playful.
"Yeah. C'mere, I'll take care of it," Eggsy shot back in return, his voice just
short of breathless. Small hands reached up, tucking behind Harry's neck and
into his hair, pulling him down closer. "You ain't been takin' care of yourself
very well, you know. Like I told you. I guess I'm gonna have to keep an eye on
you if I'm movin' back in."
"I thought there were going to be limits on that sort of thing...." Harry's
voice wasn't much louder and he swallowed, trying to clear it. He was a little
hesitant now. He didn't want to seem like he was expecting this, even though
Eggsy's actions had made it fairly clear he still wanted intimacy. But Eggsy
wanted it on his terms. Harry didn't expect him to seal their deal in any way
today. He wasn't even sure that it was a good idea even if Eggsy wasn't
thinking about it like that. Eggsy might fear starting out this way would make
Harry expect it.
"Yeah, there is. No sneakin' peeks, no comin' in my room. I don't do nothin'
unless I want to, and nobody else watches," Eggsy shot back, all seriousness.
"This ain't goin' back to how things were. This is goin' to something
different."
Harry inclined his head. He understood that much. "I'm just making sure that
you're sure...about this...now." He could already feel his blood warming to the
idea. And Eggsy's body pressed against his. But he had not expected this today.
Then again...maybe this wasn't insecurity on Eggsy's part. Or at least not the
helpless sort. Maybe he wanted to test having this now that things were decided
between them, just because Eggsy wanted it. Harry had always been better at
these things when he was the one guiding.
"Wouldn't be askin' if I wasn't sure. And I'm not expectin' anything 'cept when
I ask." Eggsy didn't think Harry would ever be the sort of person he'd seen on
the streets, trading material goods and security for sexual favours. Harry had
already offered to supply him with anything he wanted to recover in life, no
further strings attached. He wouldn't be the sort to try to hold Eggsy captive,
otherwise he would have already tried, and Eggsy didn't plan on forming a
relationship of trading himself for whatever he wanted or needed.
"Okay then," Harry breathed. That was all he needed. He slid his arm around
Eggsy's middle and scooped the boy into his lap where, just as surely as Eggsy
expected, he could feel Harry beginning to harden. Harry knew Eggsy could
anticipate that reaction from him with just a look. The right look, of course,
but it was exactly the kind of look he'd been giving Harry even when Harry had
tried to brush it off.
Sitting in Harry's lap, Eggsy was taller than him now, and so Harry had to lean
back and draw him down to get a kiss.
Eggsy was trying to be subtle about it, but there wasn't much he could do when
this close and put up against someone with Harry's observational skills - he
was watching closely. Interested and willing, eager even as he leaned down
slightly to claim Harry's lips, but thoughtful. Harry might have thought that
Eggsy was still wary regarding him, but the cautious suspicion he'd remembered
from their earlier trysts was absent.
It took a few seconds for Harry to recognize his own expression, mirrored. The
same look he'd worn when he was watching Eggsy closely for cues while doing his
best to enjoy and commit every moment to memory.
It brought a smile to Harry's lips. "Are you trying to read me?," he asked,
hands slipping up the back of Eggsy's shirt to distract him from his answer.
Harry wondered what he looked like to the boy. Eggsy's eyes were focused,
without a crease in his brow, but his pupils were larger than usual. His
breaths drew just a little more deeply. Harry was sure he was similarly
affected, even though he'd tried to remain reserved until Eggsy assured him he
wanted this.
"Y-yeah, a little," Eggsy finally admitted. Fingers sliding up along back had
thrown his focus off, and Harry was delighted to get a quiet moan in return for
pressing in little circles. "I mean, some stuff is obvious. But I never really
know everythin' you're thinkin'. You must not be able to look at me and figure
out everythin' I'm thinkin' either, though."
"No. I can't read minds." Harry's smile widened and he leaned in to press
another kiss against Eggsy's lips. "But I can take your pulse," he added as one
hand circled around Eggsy's wrist. "And I can watch where your eyes go, how
large your pupils are, the colour in your cheeks, the ways you pull your
mouth.... All the little unconscious expressions you make. We all have them.
Only with practice can they be controlled or erased." And Harry could remember
all the times Eggsy had been frustrated with the way Harry went blank,
something that happened more often after Eggsy had left.
"You're really good at doin' that, though. I mean, I know why you're good at
it. I just wish you wouldn't with me. It's like part of you isn't really here."
Eggsy leaned in and kissed him again, smiling when he pulled back and Harry
tried to follow. "Like that, you're here. When you get so worked up you're not
payin' as much attention, you're here more. But sometimes you just close off."
"I do prefer it this way, with you." Harry remembered the first few times he'd
really, truly shut his expression down in front of Eggsy when he'd been on the
receiving end of the boy's accusations. He'd forced himself calm and cold in
order to function, and he'd hated every moment of it. That was not to say he
hadn't altered what he was projecting for Eggsy countless times before then,
when he had to pretend not to know things about the boy's life and not have a
hand in any of it, but for Harry, the coldness was worse. He'd tried very hard
to never let Eggsy see that blankness before things went badly between them.
"So do I." Eggsy settled against Harry with a sigh. "I have thought about
things a lot, you know. I know I didn't hafta come back here if I didn't wanna.
I know you wanted me here again but I didn't come back because of you. Or not
only 'cause of you, I guess. I've just been thinkin' a lot. An' I missed the
house, how it was before I started findin' stuff and didn't know what to expect
and it didn't feel safe anymore."
Harry's touches turned gentle, intended to comfort more than excite. That said
a lot about Eggsy's feelings on his life with Harry. "That means a great deal
to me, Eggsy." It meant that Harry had done a few things right. A few things
that mattered. Eggsy was the only one who could tell him that. Maybe he could
keep as much of what Eggsy needed in their relationship as possible. He hoped
so. And, quite selfishly, he was glad that intimacy seemed to be one of them.
He let his thumb trail down Eggsy's cheek and brush at the corner of his mouth.
He let Eggsy see the desire work its way back into his thoughts.
The corner of the boy's mouth turned up. "How 'bout we go upstairs? The sofa
ain't bad in a pinch, but... I kinda want more space right now." Harry's bed
was more comfortable, both physically and in terms of some of Eggsy's related
memories, and had a weight of significance to it that the sofa didn't. Eggsy
was growing, as was obvious by the slight change in height between them and the
boy's own recent discoveries. This would be their first time together since
he'd begun to physically change, and Eggsy wanted something more than just a
quick entanglement on the couch.
Harry wound an arm around Eggsy's back and hoisted him up, grinning all the
while. He still had no trouble carrying Eggsy, although Harry was quite strong
and probably wouldn't for some time yet. Eggsy's ankles hooked around his back
and he carried the boy up the stairs just like he'd done countless times
before.
Harry's bedroom was sunny and warm from the heater, offsetting the chill and
the look of things outside the windows. He laid Eggsy down on the bed before he
went to close the curtains. This, too, was familiar. It had been a while since
they'd done this in broad daylight, as though they had all day to themselves
and not just a few hours in the evening. Harry returned, shedding his slippers
along the way and climbing up to advance upon Eggsy with a hungry look in his
eye.
Eggsy held his arms up, and Harry didn't hesitate at helping the boy slip out
of his shirt. Eggsy was just as lean and soft underneath as he'd always been.
Quite likely, that would never really change; Lee had had relatively little in
the way of body hair when he'd been in training, as compared to his fellows.
Harry touched Eggsy's hips and the boy raised them with a smirk. "This eager to
welcome me back, huh? Do I get a party later?"
"I'll throw you a personal party. With a little hat and confetti.... And then I
can unwrap you. What do you say to that?" Harry tugged Eggsy's trousers down
his legs and tossed them onto the floor before moving over him and sliding a
hand back up his thigh. Harry didn't waste any time teasing. A rarity, for him.
He slid his palm over the front of Eggsy's pants and began slow strokes as he
bent to kiss Eggsy. Harry put him off balance, leaning over him like that,
until Eggsy couldn't sit up any longer and Harry had him pressed down on the
bed.
"What about cake and ice cream?" Eggsy murmured back. "Or me unwrappin' you? I
might like that better. It's supposed to be a party for me, after all. How's
that fair if you're the one who gets spoiled?" Harry's palm was slow, far too
slow. Eggsy thrust up against him, trying to get just a little more friction.
"Do you think I'd look pretty with a bow on my head?" Harry asked while
nibbling his way down Eggsy's jaw. He took the hint and slid his hand
underneath the elastic band of Eggsy's pants and met the hot skin underneath.
He got another buck of the hips for his trouble. He shed Eggsy's last item of
clothing after stroking for another minute, until the boy was naked beneath him
and Harry gently pressed their bodies together. It was always an experience
when Harry was fully clothed and Eggsy wasn't, and he had a good idea what it
would feel like from Eggsy's side, too, which was part of the reason Harry
enjoyed it so much. "Would you like to unwrap me now?"
"Yeah," Eggsy breathed. "I would. And I dunno so much about a bow on your head,
but I can think of other places." The boy reached up and ran his fingers over
rich fabric, enjoying the solid feel of Harry's chest underneath. He took his
time on the buttons, even though the hand stroking him tempted him to rush.
There'd be plenty of other times to rush straight into things, now that he was
moving back in.
One by one, the layers of Harry's clothing were peeled away with nimble little
fingers. Harry kept up his incentive for Eggsy not to stop until he was just as
bare, then he removed his hand and slid their hips together. Harry's cock
provided a less focused pleasure than his fingers, but the sight of the two of
them brushing together was a different sort of pleasure entirely. Harry's hands
went to Eggsy's backside to pull them even closer together. He enjoyed that
friction for a minute more before reaching for the night stand. Eggsy wanted to
take his time, Harry knew, but it had been a while and something about this
being the start of a new era between them was making him desperate.
Eggsy seemed much more relaxed, this time. Part of it was the lack of pressure,
as they weren't pressed for time, but some of it must have been because Eggsy
had made up his mind, at least regarding some things. There wasn't the
uncertainty about whether this would be the last time, or worrying about
getting caught and hiding from his foster parents, or feeling the clock ticking
down and pushing him towards a decision. He'd made a decision, the first of
many to come.
Harry came back with the lube, but lingered over Eggsy's lips when he went in
for another kiss. Eggsy's relaxed state was calming. He smiled down at the boy,
their noses touching, and Harry had to wonder, not for the first time, how this
boy could love him so much. He'd done everything he could to make that happen,
and perhaps that had a lot to do with why it was so surprising that Eggsy
really did.
Harry uncapped the bottle and slid down Eggsy's body, kissing as he went,
intent on making this good.
The crux of it was that Eggsy had become more certain that Harry had meant what
he said - he did care and love him, even if he'd chosen poor ways of showing it
or indulged in his own selfishness. Harry could have not bothered about Eggsy’s
well-being and his future at all, or whether he took pleasure from what they
did, or even if he wanted it. With the resources and skills at Harry's
disposal, he could have had any number of lovers or victims.
But he hadn't. Manipulations aside, Harry had done a lot to try to take care of
him and make him happy. From what Eggsy had gathered, he hadn't gone seeking
other boys elsewhere after Eggsy had left. He hadn't kidnapped him and kept him
prisoner, or tried to force him to come back, or had him killed or silenced
even though Eggsy was a dangerous personal liability. From what Merlin had told
him and what he'd observed on the cameras, Harry felt Eggsy's absence deeply
and fell into neglectful depression when confronted with the loss.
The boy's observations from the cameras and the juxtaposition of his life with
the Wilsons had drawn things into sharper focus; whatever else might happen,
Eggsy felt better when around Harry, and he'd realized that he could no longer
imagine not having the older man in his life in some capacity or another.
As if to punctuate his thoughts, Harry's kisses drew down the corner of his hip
and teased at the base of his cock, still very small even as erect as it was.
Harry's tongue was a reward, his lips wrapping over the head was even better.
Harry might have been lying when he said he couldn't read minds. Or Eggsy's
body was speaking for him, and Harry had always been very good at reading it,
especially in these intimate moments.
He spent a long time lavishing Eggsy's little cock before rubbing his thumb
over the tender skin beneath Eggsy's balls, letting him know what was coming
next. Every one of Harry's touches reassured Eggsy's faith in him. He never
left Eggsy uncertain of what he was about to do, and when his thumb slid lower
and rubbed over his hole, it was like Harry was making a promise. That this
would be good. That Eggsy's love and trust wouldn't be wasted.
The boy gasped and his hips tilted up at the touch. He remembered how good
Harry could make this, and for once a thread of anger wasn't percolating at the
back of his mind. Harry wasn't forgiven yet, but the constant simmering
resentment had drained away. Harry wasn't the same man he'd met at the
beginning, and yet he was. It was the same mouth around him, the same warm hand
gently resting on his stomach, the same slow caution as Harry slipped a finger
inside and began to work on opening him up.
Harry sucked in tandem with the working of his fingers. One after another, he
slipped them inside Eggsy, and Eggsy opened up beautifully for him. There was
no tension this time, nothing but what gentle coaxing could ease as though
Eggsy's body trusted Harry even more instinctively than his mind. It wasn't
long before Eggsy's hips were moving against Harry's mouth and his fingers and
he was ready for more.
So Harry withdrew and moved back up the bed, putting his weight next to Eggsy
rather than on top of him and drawing the boy against him. Harry wanted to wait
and enjoy the moment, but it was difficult to hold back and before long he was
spreading lube over his own cock and guiding it between Eggsy's legs to rub at
the opening his fingers had just vacated. The anticipation, and watching Eggsy
squirm at the touch, missing Harry's fingers and waiting for more, was worth
drawing it out a little longer.
Eggsy reached out and braced himself against Harry as he felt himself being
teased - just touches and gentle friction without pressure. After a few
moments, Eggsy's patience broke and he shifted himself downwards. He felt the
moment Harry slipped inside and shut his eyes, willing himself to relax. Sex
wasn't as difficult as it had been at the beginning, but they still had to be
careful.
Harry's face broke into a grin and Eggsy received a very enthusiastic kiss for
his initiative, but Harry held as still as possible. His hand, placed over the
small of Eggsy's back, and his hips gently pressing in, guided them slowly
together when Eggsy was relaxed again.
Harry loved those first moments of penetration, the way it felt to sink inside
of Eggsy when he'd been without the boy for so long. He knew there was more
discomfort on Eggsy's side in those first few thrusts, and so Harry was always
very careful not to get too lost in his own pleasure, but it never did override
the thrill for him.
Seconds ticked by, eased by gentle touches, and eventually Eggsy's body
loosened and adjusted. The boy always breathed a little easier once that part
had passed, no longer bracing against the pain that came from pushing forward
just a bit prematurely. His eyes opened and he found Harry watching him
closely, warm and playful but still a touch predatory for all of that.
"...what? How come you're lookin' at me like that?"
Harry had to think about that for a second. He found the simplest answer was
probably the best. "I'm happy. I want you, and you're here. You're mine." He
punctuated the statement with a slow thrust of his hips and didn't stop after
that. He knew Eggsy had put boundaries on their relationship going forward, but
in the moment he didn't care. Eggsy wanted this. He'd wanted to be Harry's, at
least right now, and Harry revelled in that. He pulled the boy in closer and
tickled his neck with soft kisses, a strange and pleasurable counterbalance to
Harry's slow thrusting.
Eggsy shivered, but he didn't contradict Harry. He might not be forever, but
for the moment, he was Harry's. Or, as Eggsy liked to think of it, Harry was
his - Harry was willing to do what it took to satisfy Eggsy's requirements for
staying, up to a certain point, and he hadn't done well when Eggsy was gone.
That knowledge made the boy feel a good deal more in control.
Moreover, he did want this. Eggsy enjoyed sex, and none of the bad history
between them had dampened that. The ability to watch Harry at a distance via
his house cameras had only amplified the frequency of his daydreams and self-
indulgences, or at least it seemed that way.
Harry had missed him just as much, and though he worried about crossing a line
with Eggsy's new rules, it had not dampened his desire for the boy. And Eggsy
was wrapping himself around Harry in return. His legs wound around Harry's back
easier than they had the first time they'd done this, and Harry didn't have to
bend down so much and Eggsy didn't have to look up quite as far, but Harry did
not revel any less in the joy of being inside him. One of Harry's hands lifted
to stroke his cheek while the other took hold of his erection and began to
match the rhythm of Harry’s hips.
Eggsy found it difficult to keep his gaze focused on Harry. The stimulation was
too much, and his eyes kept wanting to close to focus on the sensation of it
all. He didn't miss that sex seemed to come easier than it had before, months
ago. As much as Eggsy was enjoying it, that sparked a bit of anxiety, as he
still wasn't certain whether Harry had been truthful or not about their future.
Eggsy wanted a future, and much of that depended on how he and Harry interacted
as he grew up.
Harry bent to leave open mouthed kisses along Eggsy's neck that only added to
the overwhelming stimulation. Harry's mind was clearly on other things besides
Eggsy getting older. He lifted off the boy's neck and gave him a mischievous
smile before Harry hooked an arm under Eggsy's back and turned them so that
Eggsy was on top. The smile remained even when Harry's back was to the mattress
and he had to thrust his hips up instead of down. He didn't waste long in
getting his hands back on Eggsy, either.
The change was intoxicating. Eggsy was forced to open his eyes and look down,
surprised at the shift in positions. So too, the change gave him further
control - Harry could thrust up as he pleased, but that meant nothing if Eggsy
wasn't bearing down. Eggsy felt hands on his hips, but nothing was forced, and
a mischievous smile graced his mouth as he held onto Harry and pushed his hips
down.
This was something Harry missed quite a lot. Playful sex. The way Eggsy's eyes
lit up, unrestrained, not self-conscious, meeting Harry for every movement
whether it was designed to give pleasure or to tease at more. Harry loved
seeing that look in Eggsy's eyes again, and so he rolled his hips, lifting
Eggsy more than strictly necessary, encouraging him to ride or fight back and
wrestle Harry down.
Eggsy responded with a grin. He wasn't the sort to give up or give in without a
struggle, and he took a good deal of pride in having beaten Harry at his own
game in the past. Small hands pushed down on Harry's chest and his hips ground
against his older lover's. "Think you've got me, huh?"
"Have I?" Harry asked with brows raised and a jut of his chin, and another
thrust of his hips to punctuate his retort. "Or have you got me?" Eggsy's hands
were warm and insistent, and stronger than they'd once been. Harry felt it in
the way Eggsy held him down and began working his hips the way he wanted to,
drawing delirious pleasure out of them both. One of Harry's hands tightened
over his hip, but he didn't force Eggsy back to his pace. Instead, his other
hand found Eggsy's cock again and began stroking him in counterpoint.
The boy huffed out a breath and bowed his head. Self-pleasure didn't compare to
this. "Yeah, I think I've got you instead. An' you know it. You've been runnin'
after me for months."
Harry reached up and grabbed him, brought Eggsy's ear down so he could whisper
in a conspiratorial tone, "I think you might be right." He let Eggsy wrestle
free, but not before he got a nibble of the boy's ear and by the time Eggsy was
back in control, Harry was grinning up at him, perfectly satisfied in his
confession. And he could be. It wasn't a weakness when Eggsy was with him like
this, bearing down on Harry and drawing his breaths short, quickening his
pulse, and making his dreams come true. Again. Harry was sure his grin had gone
a little delirious, but he couldn't help it. He was Eggsy's. That had been
apparent for some time now.
"Good. 'Cause I like you just like that." Eggsy himself was fairly breathless.
Harry looked dashing in his finery, no doubt about it, but even this view - the
softer flesh hidden beneath, toned muscle paired with signs of aging - it held
its own beauty and attraction. Eggsy loved the juxtaposition of broad shoulders
and firm arms contrasted with a softer stomach, and the way Harry's chest
expanded and quivered as he moved, sinking down onto him again and again.
"I thought as much," Harry gasped. He was going to start losing his rhythm
soon. Too soon, but this was too much. This was everything he'd wanted and
everything he'd missed. And the way Eggsy was looking at him with such
appreciation, like all he'd wanted was this, too. There was no worry in his
eyes. He just drank Harry in, brows relaxed and hair falling down around his
forehead as he bent over Harry. In that position, with Eggsy looking almost
straight down at him, held down by the boy's firm hands, it really did feel
like Eggsy was in control, and with no small amount of surprise, Harry realised
he trusted it.
The boy's hips snapped forward in quick succession, as if he was the one
driving into Harry instead of bottoming, and that was all it took. Eggsy saw
the look on Harry's face change before he felt it echo through his body,
tightening all at once as the lust and pleasure that had been coiling in him
spilled over. There was an answering twitch inside him followed by Harry’s
grunt and Eggsy sighed and slowed. He wasn't nearly done, but that didn't
matter. He'd gotten what he wanted, though he couldn't have described it if he
tried. Some of it was expressing control over Harry, some of it was opening old
doors, and some of it was reassuring himself of Harry's interest, but even that
summation was missing the whole of what he felt.
Harry was still gasping. It was rare that they came together like that. Even
rarer that it should happen now, he thought, when they were only getting used
to each other again. But they had both been desperate, it seemed. Eggsy just as
much as him after he'd been given permission.
Harry lifted his arm to wrap around Eggsy's shoulders and pull him down,
encouraging the boy to rest against him as their heartbeats slowed and Harry's
hands wandered down Eggsy's back. Harry turned and kissed the boy's temple. The
memories of post-coital comforts shared in this bed faded away in the moment.
This seemed like something new, and not, also, but Harry didn't need to reach
back into his memories. This was just as good. Even better, with time and
perspective, perhaps.
Eggsy went willingly, even though his smaller cock twitched in protest at the
lack of fulfilment. Climax wasn't all he wanted. If that had been so, he would
have been content with his own hand, not thinking about Harry constantly during
the day and right before he slept each night. He wouldn't have felt such a
panic at the idea that growing up might dim the light in Harry's eyes and make
this affection withdraw, either.
Harry smiled when he felt that stiffness brush against him. "Not quite done,
are you?" he teased, but there was a note of delight in his voice. Harry let
his palms roam all the way down to Eggsy's cheeks and palmed them for a moment,
gauging how sensitive Eggsy felt. When Harry determined the action wouldn't be
unwelcome, he slid his hand in between them again and rubbed the shaft of
Eggsy's cock slowly, but firmly. He watched Eggsy's mouth open and his eyes
briefly shut as Harry stroked. Eggsy had to turn just a little for better
access, but it provided the perfect view for both of them of Harry's long
fingers massaging his small shaft.
Eggsy's breathing sped back up until he was fairly panting against Harry's
chest, watching the older man stroke him. He didn't feel embarrassment or shame
anymore. He'd chosen this, not gotten tricked into it. There was no reason to
feel anxious or angry about it. The only thing he worried about was what was to
come.
He'd told Harry he was growing up, and Harry had reassured him, but seeing the
evidence for himself was something else. Eggsy didn't think he'd be able to
handle a look of disappointment on Harry's face.
Harry didn't think anything of it when Eggsy tucked his head under Harry's
chin, or when the boy's eyes fluttered shut and seemed content to stay that
way. Except that Harry could see him peeking down every now and again,
especially as the hitches in his breath grew more pronounced and the little
thrusts of his hips grew more frantic. Harry knew all the ways Eggsy liked to
be touched and his doubts weren't enough to counter Harry's skill or the
familiar comfort of Harry's arms around him and attention on him. Harry placed
lingering kisses against Eggsy's cheek while his hand worked, pace quickening
by degrees.
Eventually, Eggsy choked off a cry and clung tighter to Harry. He twitched in
Harry's fingers, and a small amount of clear liquid spilled out to coat them as
he finished the last few strokes. Eggsy was holding on firmly enough to leave
nail marks in Harry's skin, and his eyes stayed closed. If Harry was
disappointed, he didn't want to see.
He felt Harry exhale, although the action might have seemed more pronounced
because of how short Eggsy's breaths were. He might have stopped breathing
altogether if he hadn't just come for a second time. Then Harry's fingers ran
over the head of his cock, lingering there for a moment and making his hips
squirm before the hand disappeared. It didn't return.
Harry gave a quiet hum and Eggsy felt him shift. When Eggsy dared to peek
through one eye, he found Harry with his fingers pressed to his lips, tongue
emerging to taste the clear fluid before smiling down at Eggsy with eyes
alight. But Harry took in the way Eggsy was hiding and his smile grew a little
softer. "I missed the first time this happened, didn't I?"
"Y-yeah." Eggsy's uncertainty was clear as day. Harry had told him that he
wasn't going to be rejected, but Eggsy had experienced a lot of empty words and
broken promises in his life. "Not too long ago, but... I got worried. That you
wouldn't want me anymore. 'Cause I'm different now."
Harry snorted. "Nonsense." He tilted his head until he caught Eggsy's eye. "I
always wondered what it would be like to taste you." He knew Eggsy was reading
the openness in his expression, and Harry was telling the truth. There were
things he'd feared about Eggsy growing up. Still feared, just a bit, with all
the uncertainty that came with these changes. But this was one thing Harry had
thought about with interest. He'd always imagined himself being there for it.
It wasn't quite the consistency of Harry's own cum, nor the amount, but it
wouldn't be long before that changed. Eggsy was going to get a lot bigger soon,
too, but Harry stopped the succession of events racing through his mind and let
himself focus on this one. Just this one. He lifted his fingers back to his
mouth and let Eggsy watch as he licked them clean.
Eggsy didn’t move, enthralled and breathless. He'd hoped for acceptance, but he
hadn't thought Harry might actually enjoy this. They both knew it was a sign
that he was growing up. As soon as Harry's fingers left his mouth, Eggsy moved
without thinking. He needed to close the gap between them, and he crawled up
until he could lean down and press their lips together.
Harry smiled through it, and if Eggsy wasn't mistaken, there was a slight tang
of himself lingering on Harry's tongue. Harry closed his eyes and Eggsy felt
fingers running through his hair. Harry was encouraging him to melt even though
Eggsy's nerves fought against it.
Even though Harry hadn't been there when Eggsy had first discovered this
change, it felt incredibly good that the boy was willing to show him even if
Eggsy was nervous. Granted, it would have been hard to hide from Harry if they
continued having sex, but Eggsy hadn't tried.
When they finally broke the kiss, Eggsy tucked himself against Harry's neck.
The scent and warmth was familiar and comforting, just as the feel of the arms
around him was. "I wasn't sure. I know what you'd said before, but I wasn't
sure." Eggsy had seen all the tropes in the media, after all, with older men
getting rid of their previous lovers for younger ones. It was difficult not to
doubt when the gossip rags were full of such nonsense every week.
"That's okay." Harry kept stroking his hands down Eggsy's back, reassuring the
boy with both words and touch. "I know you're going to worry," he added
quietly, "and that's alright." It felt good to lay like that, with Eggsy warm
atop him and the boy's fears dashed for the time being. New possibilities had
opened up for them that day and the future didn't seem so bleak. The next phase
of Eggsy's move nudged at the edges of Harry's thoughts, but he pushed it away
for the moment. He could think about that later and enjoy having Eggsy with him
now.
Eggsy was quiet for several moments, simply basking in the attention and
afterglow. So rarely did he feel like everything was going to work out in the
end, but right then he could believe it. He could figure things out. He could
decide what he wanted to do for himself, and he wouldn't be thrown away. Harry
would let him have power and make decisions. Things didn't have to be terrible.
"You don't mind, do you, that I want my own room an' space an' stuff?"
Harry thought about it for a minute, wanting to give Eggsy's question the truth
it deserved. "No, I don't mind. In some ways it'll probably be for the better.
You can have your own space, your own privacy. Everyone needs that when they're
growing up. But I'll still be here when you want me around, and you'll have a
home to come back to every day. And you won't be alone." Harry's fingers curled
at the back of Eggsy's neck. This is, essentially, what he'd wanted for the
boy. All his meddling aside, he'd wanted Eggsy to keep loving him as he grew up
and found his own way.
"Good. I just... I want my own place, y'know? Just for me. Not full of cameras,
or with people sneakin' in and pokin' through everything, or having to share it
with a bunch of other people. Or wonder if they're gonna change the whole room
around, 'cause they own it and I don't. I want it to be mine." Security of
place had been another thing Eggsy had lacked growing up, in no small part due
to Harry's meddling.
Harry wrapped his arms around Eggsy and held him tight. "Won't be long now."
It was going to be a big change for Eggsy, for them both, but at least they had
the same short term goals in mind. Eggsy would be able to get comfortable in
that over the next couple years, Harry hoped, and then they would see about the
greater future. Harry shifted and brought the blankets up around them now that
Eggsy's skin was cooling and so was his own. The house may have been warm and
the sun may still have been shining outside, but creating a cocoon of warmth
and comfort felt nice.
Almost like the older days. Eggsy was bigger now, and wiser, but not so
different. He settled against the crook of Harry's arm in the same way, and
snuck one leg between Harry's as if to trap him and keep him close. "Who's
gonna do the cookin'? 'Cause I've seen how you've been eatin' and I ain't going
back to eatin' out of boxes again."
That got a soft chuckle out of Harry. "I'll have to whip myself back into
shape. And maybe start teaching you. Would you like to learn how to cook?"
Harry thought that Eggsy might actually enjoy it. He always did linger around
the kitchen and help with little things when Harry had been cooking for the
both of them. He'd always seemed interested in what Harry was doing, and if he
was sick of boxed dinners, he might even have the motivation to keep it up.
"Yeah. I don't wanna have to order takeout every time you gotta go on missions
or somethin'." Eggsy paused for a moment. "Have you ever had someone come to
your house? Is that a thing I gotta worry about, that the bloke deliverin'
pizza might be a rival spy or somethin'? I know you've got stuff all through
the house just in case, but I also didn't know if you would've taken me in at
the start if you'd thought someone would come huntin' for you here."
"No, that should not be a worry. And if it ever becomes one, I will let you
know and we will likely move. I'm not going to risk anyone who might be a
danger knowing you're here." Harry squeezed his arms a little tighter for
reassurance. "So yes, you don't have to worry about pizza delivery or inviting
friends over on occasion." Harry still remembered the awkward times they'd
invited Michelle over for dinner when she still had hopes of seeing Eggsy.
Eggsy hadn't known about Harry's work at the time, but he'd still had a thread
of nervous tension with his mother in the same rooms where he and Harry had
been intimate.
"Or visitin' them? I want my own oyster card," Eggsy countered. "Since I can't
drive yet. I don't wanna have to ask you for a few quid every time I wanna go
somewhere. Do I get an allowance, or how's that gonna work?"
Harry snorted softly. "Get me all comfortable and relaxed and sneak up on me
with requests, hm?" He brushed his finger over the tip of Eggsy's nose, but
there was no heat in his words. "An oyster card won't be any trouble. You
shouldn't have to worry about not having enough money for that. And yes, I
think a weekly allowance is a good idea so you won't have to ask me for money.
At least not unless it's for something special." Eggsy would also learn to save
his money that way. Even though Harry didn't think he would have problems with
spending, he didn't know how the last year or so had affected Eggsy's outlook
on it. If anything, he suspected Eggsy might have trouble letting himself spend
money, but they would soon find out. "I'd like to give you something
reasonable, but not too little in case you take up any unexpected hobbies or
make friends who have their own allowances."
"I don't really know what reasonable is," Eggsy admitted. "I didn't get paid
much, when I was workin'. Lot of the jobs I see older kids take don't seem to
pay much, neither. Couple've quid an hour, so you pretty much use up a day's
work just goin' to see a movie and getting some snacks. I don't need a ton of
money, though. I don't really know what I'd do with it."
"Hm. Well what do you say we start somewhere and you can see how that goes? And
if you don't use it, you can put it into savings until you do. I'd say maybe
thirty pounds a week might be a good start, especially if you're going to meet
any of the other children in the neighbourhood at some point." Harry caught
Eggsy's eyes flashing up to him. "That should be enough to cover a film and
snacks a few times over." Harry knew well that it wasn't just allowances the
kids in the neighbourhood received, but special gifts and outings funded by
their parents besides whatever their weekly income was. But it would take Eggsy
time to get used to such a difference from the way he'd been living before.
"Thirty pounds a week?" Eggsy hadn't meant to exclaim so loudly, but he looked
at Harry with wide eyes. Harry had certainly spent more on him in one go
before, but that had been him spending his own money. The boy had still felt
guilty about it, but it was Harry's choice. That much allowance per week, given
to him without strings for him to do anything he wanted with, felt like untold
extravagance.
Harry laughed. "I thought you might have that reaction, but that probably isn't
far from what your peers will be getting, so you might as well get accustomed
to it. And learn to save what you don't use." Harry did enjoy it when he could
treat Eggsy, but letting Eggsy pay for things by himself would take away that
look of part guilt, part resentment, and part revenge the boy sometimes got
after he'd returned. Harry considered that more important. And it wasn't like
he couldn't afford it.
Saving was a novel concept for Eggsy, to some degree. When you never had any
money, it seemed pointless to try to hoard it. It was going to slip through
your fingers anyways, and then you didn't even have the small joys of sweets
and other treats to brighten up life. Eggsy hadn't even been able to afford
candy at the corner stores when growing up, much less think about squirreling
away pence and pounds until he could get himself something nice. "I don't even
know what I'd save for."
"Then by the time you find out, you won't have to worry about it." Harry rubbed
Eggsy's shoulder. It felt good even though Eggsy didn't seem to know how to
take it right now. And maybe that was why. Eggsy would find out, and it would
be exciting to see the boy doing so on his own. Harry couldn't wait for Eggsy
to be there every day and to watch him explore a fresh start. And speaking
of.... "We should probably get cleaned up. Head back downstairs, or we're going
to be at risk of sleeping the day away."
"Yeah. I don't really want to do that. Not today anyways." That, too, was a
luxury. The Wilsons, like all well-meaning parents, had been eager to always be
going and doing, and seemed to expect Eggsy to do the same. Eggsy could
appreciate the support and feeling backed up, but he'd missed being able to
have lazy weekends where he could sleep in and do whatever he wanted all day.
He hadn't had that when he'd been on the streets and it'd been disappointing to
realize he wouldn't get a break at his new home.
Harry chuckled when Eggsy didn't move right away, so he lifted himself up and
pressed a kiss to the boy's cheek before climbing out of bed to find his
clothes. Harry started the shower and knew Eggsy would follow soon or risk
missing Harry. Normally, a damp cloth would have been sufficient to clean up
with, but Harry didn't want to risk it when Eggsy was still going back to the
Wilsons. He took out two towels and left the door open in invitation as he
stepped inside and lathered up the soap.
It was a safe bet to make. Only a minute or two passed before Harry heard the
bathroom door close. A small shadow drew close and then Eggsy slipped into the
stall with Harry. The boy's eyes trailed over the soapy rivulets running down
Harry's body. He reached out to touch one, tracing a mark that was still pink.
"I don't remember that one from before."
"You wouldn't," Harry confirmed. "I haven't had it for long. Bit of a scratch
while escaping a burning building in Turkey. It looks worse than it was. A few
bandages and avoiding bending over for a week and I was good as new." Harry
rinsed his hair and then let Eggsy have the water, deftly helping to rub the
soap over the boy's skin. The welt was nowhere near the wounds he'd received
when Eggsy found him being held at Belmont, and that was at least reassuring.
"How come it never sounds like you have another agent with you? It always seems
like it's just you and whoever is watchin' the cameras and helping you out from
further away. Wouldn't it be less dangerous if you went as pairs, or
somethin'?" Eggsy was disturbed that he hadn't noticed Harry coming back
wounded, and that it'd taken him so long to realise.
"We sometimes do, but it usually works better for a cover if there is only one
of us. Two or more can work if they can go in with a different enough cover
story and connections. Our targets always check to see what connections we have
and that can be troublesome if we only have route in." Harry watched Eggsy tilt
his head back to soak his hair and let the water run over his face. His skin
stood out creamier when his hair was darkened by the water. His mouth and
eyelashes looked even more delicate. "There are occasions we've had female
agents pretend to be the spouse of one of our male agents and that kind of ruse
works well to get two in at a time. Sometimes junior staff follow along as
assistants or business partners if the job is expected to go smoothly. It all
depends on the situation."
"I don't like you bein' out there by yourself. I know you can usually take care
of yourself, but I also know that sometimes you can't." Like when Eggsy had
found him. If not for that happenstance, Harry likely would have died there.
Eggsy would have never known. He likely would have never gotten off the
streets, hiding forever from a man who no longer existed.
"I know." Harry offered a small smile. "Just take comfort in that those times
when I'm truly in danger are rare. Even though you've seen it happen." He knew
that wasn't much comfort. Harry may have a very good track record of surviving
difficult situations, which Eggsy had seen after living with him so long, but
all it took was one bad mission. "And you know Merlin is usually the one who
watches over me." Harry knew Eggsy trusted in the man's skill at what he did.
"I'm not allowed to watch you when you're on missions, am I?" Being able to see
for himself that Harry was alright was much more reassuring than simply
trusting Merlin. Every time Harry left for a mission, Eggsy would worry until
Harry came back and he could see for himself that he was hale and whole.
"No, not during. And I doubt you'd want to. You'd never leave the feed and
you'd feel guilty if you did." Harry understood the sentiment, but in practice
he knew it wouldn't be a good idea. Eggsy might worry over him when he was
away, but if he could see what Harry was doing it would only turn into active,
constant worry. And he wouldn't be able to do anything, besides. "But you can
call me. Or text. And I'll tell you what I'm up to and how it's going when I
can." They'd done something similar when Eggsy had lived there before, although
Harry had usually kept his mission details to a minimum back then.
"I don't wanna distract you when you're out there, though. Maybe... I dunno, we
can talk about how you can let me know when you're in one of those waiting
periods you talked about, so I don't gotta worry if I'm tryin' to reach you at
the wrong time. Yeah?" Eggsy swallowed down his disappointment at being turned
down, and bitter jealousy bubbled to the surface. He had to guess and wait and
hope, but Merlin got to watch and know.
Harry nodded. "I should be able to do something like that." He laid his hands
over Eggsy's shoulders and squeezed, trying to ground Eggsy in the moment and
the reality of Harry being there, safe and alive and capable of remaining that
way.
Once they were rinsed, Harry shut off the water and handed Eggsy a towel. They
went through the rituals of drying themselves and putting on their clothes,
finding missing socks and underwear and all. Harry helped dry Eggsy's hair and
combed his own into place until they were looking as good as though nothing
happened at all that afternoon.
Just as good, and they still had time yet. Eggsy lingered near Harry's touch,
still conflicted by everything that had happened between them and the power
balance, but feeling more confident than he had. He wouldn't be trapped or
manipulated. Harry would respect his wishes and privacy, at least in his rooms
and the bathroom. He'd have the funds for independence if he wanted; he could
pool the extra weekly money and figure out what to do with it. Things would
work out.
They spent the rest of the day talking over tea and biscuits while wrapped up
in a comfortable embrace on the couch. Harry told Eggsy about his latest
missions and Eggsy told Harry about the Wilsons and his thoughts on what living
at Harry's again might be like. By the time Eggsy had to leave, the quiet sense
of hope permeating the house still lingered, and Harry followed him to the door
with a kiss on the cheek and a fond farewell for the time being.
Harry had promised to call the Wilsons the following day to arrange a meeting,
and Eggsy could expect some questions from them, but he wouldn't have to live
with that guilt for long.
Chapter End Notes
     Join us 12/9 and 12/10 for the Friday and Sturday chats at the Dark
     Kingsman_Block_Party!
***** Chapter 54 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Harry did make good on his promise. The following evening, thankfully after
dinner, Donna received a call from Mr. Talbot who said he had some news to
discuss with them and that Eggsy might have found a permanent guardian.
Although he didn't say who it was just yet, they made plans to meet a few days
later at Mr. Talbot's house after work and Eggsy's lessons.
Eggsy was constantly stressed throughout. The Wilsons guessed, since they
weren't immediately informed about their permanency, that Eggsy was being
moved. When they asked him, Eggsy derailed any guesses that he might have known
or interviewed the prospective guardian, but he always felt badly afterwards.
He knew, but he didn't want the Wilsons to know and think less of him, or feel
rejected. They'd done nothing wrong, after all, they simply weren't right for
him.
True to Harry's predictions, the Wilsons didn't try to push much further than
that for answers. Eggsy could tell that in spite of their desire to know, they
also didn't want to make him feel bad, and so the days leading up to their
meeting at Harry's house were filled with Donna and Kevin's usual kindness and
activities, if with a subtle awkwardness underneath it all.
It didn't seem to occur to them to ask why they might be visiting Harry's house
to discuss when he usually came to theirs. Perhaps they hadn't noticed or
perhaps they just didn't think it worth mentioning even on the short drive
over. They assumed correctly that Eggsy had been there before at least once or
twice, as they asked him to point it out for them after they parked across the
street.
The neighbourhood didn't look much different than their own - gated houses with
tiny, fenced in properties and facings that all looked much alike. Space was at
a premium in London, and even the affluent neighbourhoods fell prey to the
discounts of mass manufacture. Eggsy waited by their side as everyone got out
of the car, then pressed the buzzer at the gate to get it unlocked and let in.
Donna and Kevin seemed impressed at how quiet the mew was even with a busy
street running right behind it, and Eggsy could tell they were a little
surprised, too. Harry hadn't downplayed his accent and mannerisms too much in
front of them, but he had kept to his more conservative suits and hadn't gone
into detail about where he lived or how much he made compared to them. The
Wilsons were probably re-evaluating their assessment of him somewhat as they
knocked at his front door.
Eggsy stayed nervously behind them, waiting for Harry to open the door and wave
them all in as a group. Another official was with him, no doubt supplied by
Kingsman to ensure things went exactly as planned. Eggsy shot Harry a tight
smile as they filed in and were ushered into the living room he was more than
familiar with, now set with a tray of tea and refreshments.
"Okay then." Harry straightened his shoulders and smiled in welcome to Eggsy
and the Wilsons. "Thank you all for coming. I'm sure you have many questions,
but first I should introduce you to Mr. Bancroft who is from the adoption
agency taking care of Eggsy's case. I thought it appropriate that he should
join us."
Mr. Bancroft was a wisp of a man, elderly but spry looking and bespectacled
with thin wire-framed glasses that made his eyes look too big and too round for
his thin face. He also appeared to be somewhat soft-spoken when he shook Donna
and Kevin's hands in greeting and then stepped back to let Harry do the
talking.
Harry, ever one for manners, bid them all to sit and have a cup of tea before
they got started. He made sure everyone was as comfortable as could be, and
even offered Eggsy one of his warm smiles, before turning to address Donna and
Kevin directly. "So, as you know from our conversation on the phone, we've
found someone interested in adopting our young Eggsy. I know this might be a
bit of a surprise to you since you've had no word of it before, but I might be
able to explain that." Harry paused, seeming a tiny bit embarrassed but a
little bit hopeful all the same. It was remarkable how open his expression
seemed, and how much his eyes conveyed the hope that they would listen. "You
see...I am the one who would like to adopt Eggsy. Permanently."
Eggsy ducked his head as his foster parents made the expected reactions of
surprise. It wasn't unheard of for social workers to adopt, of course, but it
was rare. Particularly in terms of their own clients, when they'd worked with
them for years. A social worker could expect a good many cases that tugged at
the heartstrings, but most kept their distance and worked hard to place them in
an appropriate family.
It was apparent Donna and Kevin didn't know what to make of it right away. A
myriad of emotions passed across their faces as they looked from Harry to Eggsy
to each other and even to Mr. Bancroft.
"You want to adopt Eggsy?" Donna finally asked, needing to hear it again.
"I know this is unorthodox," Harry explained, "but I've known Eggsy for a long
time and I've been very careful to consider the logistics. I wouldn't be making
the offer if I weren't absolutely sure." Harry turned his gaze from Eggsy to
Donna and offered her a kind smile. "You've been a wonderful family. You've
provided the safety and comfort that Eggsy hasn't had in a long time. I'd done
what I thought I could before that, while still keeping a professional
distance, but I...admit that I've always wanted to do more. Especially as I
came to know him over time."
Eggsy didn't have to fake looking flustered. He blushed and scrubbed a hand
through his hair when Donna turned to look at him. "I didn't know nothin' for
sure until I got asked the other day what I'd think of it, if I'd be ok with
it. Mr. Talbot has known me for a really long time. Not like I ain't used to a
single parent, either."
"Well I...." Donna floundered for the right words, but looking at Eggsy and his
sheepish, but wide-eyed and quietly hopeful expression, she seemed to change
tracks. "Have you had enough time to think about it?"
"You know we want to do what's best for you," Kevin added, leaning forward to
catch Eggsy's eye and reassure him, just to be sure he took Donna's question
the right way.
"Yeah. It's not really a huge surprise for me, 'cause Mr. Talbot asked me
awhile back. Just to see if I was ok with the idea, before he went and talked
to people about all of this, started paperwork, all of that. He wouldn't have
done it if I hadn't thought about it and told him it was alright to look into."
Eggsy's gaze dropped, even more embarrassed. He didn't like keeping secrets
from people as nice as the Wilsons, or that they might think he'd been planning
betrayal for so long.
It was pretty clear that Donna could see how nervous Eggsy was, and she nodded
along with an expression of apparent understanding, although it might have been
for Eggsy's sake. "And you'd be ok with it?" she asked, not breaking eye
contact with the focus of someone who wanted to be absolutely sure.
Harry let them have their moment. The others in the room faded to the
background while Eggsy and the Wilsons faced each other. It wasn't his place to
intervene in that. It was, after all, Eggsy's decision, at least in their minds
if not the law. Even though the law held little sway with Harry.
"Yeah. I would. I didn't really know what to think, at the start, mostly 'cause
it was such a surprise to even get asked that sort of thing." Eggsy shrugged,
feeling awkward but steeling himself to meet his foster parents' eyes. They had
to be convinced, and Eggsy wanted to do it as gently as he could. "I've known
Mr. Talbot for a really long time. He's been lookin' after me for years and
years. Ever since I was little. He's kinda been like... another dad, after I
lost mine, so it's really not that weird for him to ask if I want him to really
be my dad now, I guess."
Donna nodded and turned back to Harry, expanding the room again to all
participants. "This is definitely a surprise for us, but," she glanced to Kevin
to be sure of their solidarity, "if Eggsy goes with anyone, it should be
someone he knows and is happy with."
"This is, admittedly, one of the reasons I warned you at the start that he
might only be staying for a short time," Harry added. "I wasn't sure I'd be
approved and I wanted to ask Eggsy without putting any extra pressure on his
shoulders." Harry's gaze turned from Donna to Eggsy and their eyes caught.
"It's important to have options in a decision as big as this one."
"I didn't know at the start, neither," Eggsy protested. "I didn't know if I'd
be stayin' with you, or goin' with him, or moved somewhere else. I don't want
you thinkin' it's 'cause I don't like you, or you didn't do a good job, or I
didn't give things a fair shake. I do like you both. I just also like Mr.
Talbot, and I've known him so long."
"Oh, Eggsy." That seemed to snap Donna out of her initial stupor and she
reached out to put an arm around his back, drawing him into a half hug on the
couch. "It's ok, I didn't think that of you. Although I'm glad to hear it." She
let him out of the embrace after a minute, but kept a hand gently planted on
his arm. "I'm happy to hear it's a case of deciding between two good things.
You haven't been in an easy position in all of this."
"We really did enjoy having you with us," Kevin added, "But you know, we'll be
happy for you, too. And you can always come by and visit. You know we're not
far away."
"I know, and that helps. It was hard to decide, it really was." Eggsy stayed
close, giving Donna and Kevin both a wavering smile. He didn't have to fake the
emotion. Few people in his life had been unwaveringly good and giving, and the
Wilsons had done that even though they didn't know him. Even knowing they might
not keep him. "I'll take you up on those visits."
They smiled back just as warmly, and Harry was struck that this was what a
family was meant to be made of. Of all the best intentions and all the care in
the world for someone they had no ulterior motives for taking in, even a boy
they didn't yet know. And yet it didn't work out. Eggsy still wanted to be with
him. Watching the three of them across the coffee table in that moment of
honest appreciation was both charming and a touch unsettling. But Harry
supposed he had solace in that Eggsy had made his choice, and they weren't it.
Maybe that was why it was unsettling.
"Alright then." Harry let those thoughts fall away. "Donna, Kevin, Mr. Bancroft
will leave you with the appropriate forms to fill out, now that I'm not
officially acting as Eggsy's case supervisor any longer. There's no rush. We'd
just like them turned in before Eggsy makes the move. And that can happen any
time. I don't want to impose to tight a schedule on you so soon. Perhaps over
the next couple weeks."
Donna nodded along as she often did when Harry spoke, even if her expression
had a trace more seriousness in it than usual. "That'll give us plenty of time
to pack up, I think. Thank you, Mr. Talbot."
"Guess we'll talk about it. And my tutoring schedule, and all of that. Since I
ain't in an official school, we don't really have a deadline for me to hit so I
get enrolled on time." Eggsy didn't want things to be drawn out too long, but
he also didn't want to push for a quick resolution. He didn't want to seem too
eager, and besides, it would hurt Donna and Kevin's feelings to be abandoned in
a rush.
"I'll talk to your tutor," Harry offered. "You should be able to take a short
break for the move and then we'll figure out the rest from there."
Mr. Bancroft reached into his suitcase for a folder of papers for the Wilsons
to sign, explaining that he'd pointed out the parts they'd need to fill out and
the rest they could ignore. Kevin took it to relieve his wife of the duty and
thanked the man.
"Well. What do you say you take the week to pack and then stop by next
weekend?" Harry was just as eager for the move to happen and he knew Eggsy was
as well, but just like the boy, he kept all hints of such out of his tone.
"That should be fine," Donna said, glancing to Eggsy to make sure.
Eggsy nodded. That was quicker than he'd counted on, but he also didn't want to
linger overlong. He only cared about not hurting his foster parents, and taking
a bit of time to say goodbye to this portion of his life. More and more, life
began to feel like a series of rooms, where every time he opened a door the one
behind him closed. "Yeah, that should be okay. A week to pack, and to do stuff
together."
"Okay, then." Harry stood first and the rest followed. Their tea cups had only
been half drained, but there was not an atmosphere in the room to stay for
pleasantries. Harry had made it clear what was going to happen and that was
that. Donna and Kevin might have had their reservations. Had it been anyone
else but Harry, they might have fought losing Eggsy, and they still seemed a
little uncertain as they climbed to their feet and shook both Harry and Mr.
Bancroft's hands, but they could not do much to voice them without sounding
potentially contentious.
"We'll see you soon, Mr. Talbot." Kevin said to Harry as they made their way to
the door and Donna made sure Eggsy had his coat.
Eggsy shrugged into it and followed them out. He was acutely aware of Harry
behind him, even more so than Donna and Kevin flanking his sides. They stepped
out into the cold air and, despite the way the walkway opened up to grey skies,
Eggsy felt the world closing in. His chest constricted. He had a week. One week
to pack, to resolve things, to deal with the awkwardness with the Wilsons and
then he would be back in Harry's house. Harry wouldn't be a silhouette on his
laptop screen, but a shadow haunting the hallways outside his bedroom.
Eggsy watched Harry on his doorstep, waving them goodbye, and knowing that soon
he'd be back. Just like he'd been before, but also not at all. Harry with his
secrets and machinations, all inside the house at the end of the mew and the
practically faceless, nameless man at his side, ready to shape the law into his
will. But Harry's warmth and love and stability was there, too. And all that he
was willing to subdue for Eggsy's sake.
===============================================================================
The week passed slowly at first, with the atmosphere at the Wilsons permeated
with subtle sadness at the knowledge that Eggsy would be leaving. But after the
first couple days, Donna first and Kevin after seemed to make a decision to be
happy for Eggsy's sake and treat the change as a positive outcome for him. It
was noticeable at dinnertime when Donna brought up Mr. Talbot and encouraged
Eggsy to be excited for the move. In their quiet time before bed the night
before, she told him not to worry about them getting on, and she seemed to mean
it.
When the weekend arrived, so did Eggsy and the Wilsons at Harry's doorstep once
again, this time with boxes under their arms.
Eggsy still didn't have much in the way of belongings. He'd learned to do
without, partly, but he also had never completely shaken the feeling of needing
to be ready to run at a moment's notice. Anything that couldn't be thrown in
his backpack and come with him was, in a certain sense, disposable. Things
weren't that important, and he knew he could get along without them.
Eggsy's heart was racing as they opened the fence gate and went up the walkway.
In a certain sense, it didn't seem like this day would ever come again. He'd
moved into Harry's with such a sense of hope and infatuation, then left in a
haze of stark terror. It was strange to look up at the mild, normal exterior
that he knew contained anything but normalcy and know that this would be home
again.
Home, but different this time. Home with his own space and his own decisions.
Kevin knocked at the door and the muffled sounds of Mr. Pickle barking could be
heard before it opened a minute later, revealing Harry in a pressed shirt and
cardigan, dressed down for the day, but all the more welcoming for it. "Eggsy,
Donna, Kevin," he greeted warmly. "Come in, please, come in. You can put those
boxes in the hall. We'll bring them up to Eggsy's room later."
They followed him inside, and this time Donna and Kevin spent more time taking
in the house as though unconsciously imagining Eggsy living there.
Eggsy knew from experience that they'd find nothing out of place. Harry could
look completely conventional when he wanted to. Odd, but no more than anyone
else, with the same sort of quirks that people would expect of someone with
means, particularly one who lived alone. The pinned and framed butterflies
seemed right at home with the rest of the decor, and Mr. Pickle completed the
image of a warm homebody who was completely harmless.
Eggsy looked around just as the Wilsons did, but he wasn't taking in the
surroundings just as they did. He was trying to spot the cameras he knew were
there, and wondering how many hidden weapons Harry might have within the
nearest several meters.
"Would anyone like a cup of tea?" Harry asked after they deposited their boxes
where he had showed them.
"I'd love one, thanks," Donna peered curiously down the hall while Harry went
into the kitchen. "So, Eggsy, which room is going to be yours?" she asked with
that strange thread of excited trepidation she had managed to put away before
they'd returned to Harry's.
Harry returned with the tea before Eggsy could answer, apparently having it all
ready to go and waiting for them.
"Upstairs. Got a big room to myself, next to the bathroom and Harry's home
office." Eggsy accepted a mug and settled onto the couch, which left the
Wilsons no choice but to take seats themselves. "It's not really decorated yet,
but Harry told me I can pretty much do whatever I want with it. He's still
gotta ok it, but I don't think there's anything I'd wanna do he would say no
to."
Eggsy raised his mug and took a long sip. "I don't know yet where we're gonna
set up for the tutor, though. It's easier to go through stuff with a proper
table, so maybe in the dining room?"
"That seems like the best option for now," Harry agreed, following the Wilsons
to take a seat across from them. "I wouldn't mind showing you around if you'd
like." Eggsy might have wanted to keep them in a relatively safe space, but
Harry did not intend to let them feel like he was hiding anything.
"Yes I'd like that," Donna said, but took a sip of her tea and implied she was
fine with waiting until they were finished. "Did we get all the boxes?" she
turned to ask Kevin, who nodded.
"Eggsy packs light," Kevin said and sipped his tea as well.
"Yeah. Guess it's just... holdover from movin' so often, y'know? I didn't have
a lot of stuff of my own at foster care or some of the places I got put." Eggsy
shrugged. "Didn't seem much point if I couldn't afford stuff, couldn't take
much with me, shouldn't bother unpackin', and one of the other kids might steal
or destroy stuff anyways. It's still weird to me that I've got my own computer.
That I don't gotta walk and walk to a library to look stuff up or type papers."
A smile twitched at the corner of Harry's mouth, but to everyone but Eggsy it
seemed like he was happy, maybe even proud to have provided that for Eggsy. "No
matter. You'll collect more as you go. Already you have more than you started
with." Harry meant before he came to the Wilsons', and that was true at least.
Most of what he owned now was clothing and a few personal items.
They all nodded and sipped their tea in quiet for a few minutes, each waiting
for someone else to continue the conversation. It was Harry who did. "I've let
Eggsy's tutor know he'll be out for a few days and to contact me going forward,
so you needn't worry over it. I don't think there are many logistics left to
worry over, in fact, but you're welcome to give us a call at any time. We'd be
happy to have you over." Hopefully it wasn't an offer Harry would have to
fulfil very often.
"Yeah, we ain't too far. Not too far from the park, too." Eggsy clutched his
mug and shifted. The longer the Wilsons lingered, the more awkward it was.
Eggsy didn't want to tell them to leave, but he also was ready to be done. The
week had dragged on with enough awkwardness and tension already, and it was
only delaying the inevitable goodbye.
"You have a very nice location here," Kevin said, politely. And it was true
that Harry was even closer to the park than the Wilsons were.
After a few more sips of tea and Donna and Kevin's attention floating across
different objects around the room, Harry finally put an end to the awkwardness.
"Come, let's have that tour. Maybe we can bring a few of the boxes up to
Eggsy's room." He stood and they followed, setting down their tea and seemingly
relieved to have something to do.
Kevin and Harry picked up some of the boxes from the hall and Harry led them to
the stairway. "Up this way."
Eggsy did his best to pretend that most of the house was new to him, too. He
was supposed to have known Harry for some time, but as a social worker, not as
a regular guest at his private home. It would have been unlikely for him to be
familiar with much of the upper level of the house beyond the bathroom and
glimpses of rooms caught from open doorways. The box in his own arms felt
protective as he followed Harry into his old bedroom.
"This is it. And you'll have a view of the garden in the back, too," Harry said
as he sat the box down on the floor and showed Kevin and Donna out the window.
The room hadn't changed much at all from the way it had always been decorated,
a second version of Harry's room with less personal touches and a quality of
being ever ready but rarely used. Everything was nice and neat and waiting for
someone to take over the space.
"Very nice, Eggsy." Donna looked around the room and then turned to give him a
smile while Kevin nodded in approval.
"Do I get to paint the walls and put up posters?" Eggsy peered out the window,
taking in the garden he'd seen many, many times. When the boxes were put down,
Eggsy's belongings looked pitifully small. Another child would have had much
more to fill up the room, but even with Eggsy's belongings, the room was likely
to look like a hotel room or impersonal guest room for some time until he
acquired more of his own things.
Harry chuckled. "This room could use a touch of character. And it is yours." He
laid a hand over Eggsy's shoulder in passing, a familiar, amiable touch that
looked no more out of place than anything else about Harry. "Come, I'll show
you the back."
The Wilsons followed dutifully as Harry led them back down the stairs and
through the house. He was doing it to ease their minds, so that they would feel
comfortable leaving Eggsy in a good home, and they all knew it. But it was the
polite thing to do and so Harry did it without complaint.
"I used to keep the garden much better in the summer than I do now," Harry
apologized as he let them out into the chilly air. It still looked quite nice
and there was plenty of space, relatively speaking for this part of the
neighbourhood. Although the flowers weren't in season, the ivy was still fairly
impressive and the Wilsons took it all in with approval.
"Looks like you'll be well taken care of, Eggsy." Donna said with a certain
note of finality, albeit a positive one. Harry had shown them just enough to
put their minds at ease for now.
"Yeah. I think it's gonna be great. 'Specially since I've known Harry so long.
It's still gonna take me a while to get used to, though," he added. "Like...
you not bein' my social worker anymore. Or that I'm not goin' to end up movin'
again in a couple of months. All sorts of things."
Eggsy turned and walked towards Donna, pulling her into a hug while Kevin
looked on. "I'm gonna miss you both."
She hugged him back just as tight. "I'm going to miss you, too." She kept her
voice from wavering, but the sincerity was clear. When Eggsy looked up, she
smiled down at him and then drew back to let Kevin give him a hug as well.
"It was great having you with us. And remember, you can always come over and
say hi." Kevin bent to pull Eggsy into a hug and ruffle his hair.
Harry watched behind the Wilsons, respectful of their moment.
"Yeah, thanks. I will." Eggsy smiled back and, after a beat, they all moved
towards the front door. It was time, and they all sensed it. Nothing was left
to be said, and Eggsy would want to unpack and get settled. Delaying any more
wouldn't erase the finality of the moment. "Thanks. For everythin'. I mean it,
it was great stayin' with you."
"We're glad you thought so," Donna told him as they paused for a moment, taking
in Eggsy one last time before parting ways. Donna took a deep breath and
smiled. It may have been forced, but Eggsy could tell she was happy for him all
the same, even if she didn't want to let him go. "We'll see you again, maybe
sometime soon."
When they were ready, Harry opened the door and bid them goodbye. He drew Eggsy
to his side and they both waved as the Wilsons departed down the mew.
Eggsy heaved a sigh of relief after the door closed and left them alone in the
quiet of the house. He scrubbed a hand through his hair. "That took a lot
longer than I wanted. Lot more awkward, too. I mean, I get it. I knew they
really hoped they'd get to adopt me, but stickin' around more isn't gonna
change my mind about it."
Harry gave him a smile and massaged his shoulder. "I know. It's good to have
you here now though. And they'll feel more at ease this way, having had a bit
of time to say goodbye." It was strange that the two of them were standing
there in the hall, once more officially living together. It was also strange in
its familiarity. "Are you tired?" Harry asked. "Want to relax for a while, or
unpack?"
Eggsy groaned and pressed his palms to his eyes. "I don't wanna touch boxes for
a while. I just want to relax. I've been tiptoeing around their feelings all
week and I'm not really sleepy, but I'm tired just the same. In a different
way." Eggsy considered the bed in the room they'd just toured, and digging out
his computer, but even that idea felt tiring. "I think I just wanna watch a
movie for a bit and stop thinkin'."
"Alright then. What do you say you go put something on and I make us some mac
and cheese?" Harry squeezed Eggsy's shoulder before letting go and heading to
the kitchen. He knew it was one of Eggsy's comfort foods, and even he had
developed a taste for it after living with Eggsy for a time. It was funny how
Harry was already falling into a different mindset now that Eggsy was there,
one that involved cooking again.
Eggsy went off to the living room without complaint. The home theatre system
was just like he remembered, and it didn't take him long to turn everything on
and start leafing through the available movies. Eventually he decided on
something indulgent, if a little older. He'd had fond memories of watching
Terminator 2 before, and it held a different sort of meaning for him now after
all he'd been through, being hunted by people he'd felt were invincible.
While Eggsy started the film and got comfortable on the couch, Harry puttered
around the kitchen. He heated water on the stove and leaned against the counter
to wait for it to boil. These first minutes of Eggsy being back were strange,
and Harry wondered it Eggsy felt the same. He'd been to Harry's house many
times since he'd been living with the Wilsons, but now he was there to stay.
And Harry wasn't sure yet how much space he'd need.
Once lunch was ready, Harry took the tray of mac and cheese and melted butter
on toast to the living room and set it down on the coffee table. "Would you
like me to stay?" Harry asked. "I've got some work I can be doing upstairs if
you'd rather relax by yourself."
"Nah, don't go. Not if you don't have to. I just..." Eggsy shrugged, glancing
about and taking in the whole of the place, Harry included. "I need to get used
to things again. I don't wanna talk any more, though. I've had enough of all
that for the day, so... You can watch with me if you feel like it, or go work
on stuff. I'm not gonna be doin' much for the rest of the day, 'cept maybe
cleanin' up and unpackin' a bit in a while."
Harry relaxed a little. "Okay." He took his own bowl and settled down next to
Eggsy. The film went on and even though this was new again, and a little
awkward for it, it wasn't wholly uncomfortable. It was familiar, too. Harry
didn't press any closer, he didn't move an arm over Eggsy's shoulders or draw
the boy against him, but he didn't shy away from touch when they brushed
together setting their bowls back down on the tray either. All in all, it
proved to be more comfortable than it could have been, and Harry was glad of
it. He just hoped Eggsy felt the same.
Eventually, Eggsy relaxed more than he already was. The action on the screen
was the mindless sort Hollywood specialized in, and he could sink into it
without thinking too much. Harry's body and shoulder were right there, warm and
solid and comfortable, and gradually Eggsy shifted to lean against him instead
of the arm of the couch.
Harry wouldn't have ascribed anything more to their lunch except for noticing
Eggsy's choice of movie - a much younger boy being shadowed and protected from
terror by an unstoppable, invincible cyborg who looked for all intents and
purposes like an older human man.
Harry let himself sink into the couch and welcomed Eggsy's body leaning into
his. Both that and the film were great comforts, but he didn't feel the need to
push for more. This was good enough. Right now, it was all he wanted. They
forgot to be conscious of the newness of Eggsy being there, forgot about the
subtle uncertainty they'd both felt, and by the time the film finished, Harry
was pretty sure Eggsy was just as relaxed as he was.
He reached over and squeezed Eggsy's forearm affectionately before collecting
their dishes and climbing to his feet.
Eggsy stayed, eyes half lidded and slumped over on the plush support of the
couch cushions. His stomach was full of familiar food, not the food of a
stranger. The room was familiar. The couch was familiar. Even the faint scent
clinging to the surroundings was familiar. Each house had its own scent,
coloured by the inhabitants who lived there. He could smell Harry in the fabric
and carpet and walls, warm masculinity and the ghost of his cologne sunken into
the atoms of the building.
The clatter of dishes came from the kitchen and Eggsy was left alone for a few
minutes before Harry's footsteps returned and a gentle hand was placed on his
shoulder, squeezing and then stroking down his back when Eggsy didn't move
right away. Harry's hand disappeared and he stepped to the side, but then Eggsy
felt something soft brush his leg and trail up over his side and shoulder.
Harry draped one of the throw blankets over him and tucked it in snugly. Eggsy
looked younger than his years, just like the first days he'd been there. The
first of countless times he'd fallen asleep on the very same couch.
Eggsy didn't stir. He must have been tired enough to not notice sound or
movement around him, or to feel safe enough to disregard it. He stayed
unconscious, tucked into layers of warmth and illuminated under the warm
incandescent light of the den. The dim room lighting illuminated Eggsy's
youthful face in smooth planes as Harry paused in the doorway, completing the
picture.
That moment would remain in Harry's mind for a long time. He could tell even as
he climbed the stairs to get back to his office and let Eggsy rest. The boy had
had more than a long day. He'd had a long week. He'd had even longer than that,
really, and Harry wondered if, for the first time in a long time, Eggsy might
get the rest he needed.
Fresh starts were in the back of Harry's mind as he logged into his computer
and got to work, this time doing exactly what he'd said he would be doing. This
time leaving the cameras be, minus the ones in his office and his bedroom.
Eggsy slept for hours. He must have been exhausted, as it was only much later
in the night that Harry heard footsteps on the stairs and saw a small shadow
pass outside his office doorway. The toilet light clicked on, bringing a brief
dim yellow, and it narrowed into a sliver before disappearing. Water rushed
through the pipes, and Harry could hear the distant spray against tile and skin
for minutes and minutes before it ceased. The small sounds of occupation kept
up - the tap of plastic against the sink, the brief hiss from the bathroom sink
tap, the thrum of a toilet flushing, the snik of a metal door handle turning.
In the distance, faintly, Harry listened to small footsteps move towards
Eggsy's room and the door shut. Even more faintly, he heard the depression of
bed springs.
Harry wondered if Eggsy would be up all night now or if he was still tired
enough to sleep. It would have been so easy before, to look in on Eggsy in the
shower or now that he was in bed, although he would have been in Harry's bed
back then. And though Harry wondered and wanted Eggsy to be ok even if he
stayed up late into the night, later than Harry even, Harry wasn't very tempted
to break his promise and use the cameras. He shut down his work for the night
and headed down to the kitchen, resolving to leave a bowl of fruit and snacks
clearly visible for Eggsy if he came down hungry.
No sound came from the boy's bedroom, and when Harry went back up to the
hallway, no light was escaping from the crack below the closed door. Evidently
he was tired enough to sleep even after a long nap, skipping supper to clean up
and take a turn resting in the fresh sheets of his own bed. Harry could picture
what it must look like even without the cameras, but the sight didn't matter.
It was the feeling in the whole house. He wasn't alone. Eggsy was there again.
He turned out the lights one by one and readied himself for bed, too. When he
laid down in his own room, knowing Eggsy was across the hall in a bed of his
own...it wasn't so bad. Harry laid on his back and stared up at the ceiling,
finding immeasurable comfort in the simple knowledge that Eggsy was there. He
was almost surprised by the feeling, or rather, how much he didn't feel the
amount of space between them.
He set his alarm even though it was the weekend, and drifted off to thoughts of
waking up early to make breakfast.
===============================================================================
Eggsy slept more soundly than he had in a while. He had expected the house to
feel more alien than it had, but his exhaustion had taken over him on the
couch, and later it had felt perfectly natural to shower and dress in his
pyjamas, then slide under the covers into the bed in his new room. Or old room,
albeit the one he'd never slept in. It should have felt as odd as a hotel room,
sterile and unfamiliar and making him feel more alone and out of place, but it
didn't. Even when he woke up to the faint sunlight escaping through the bedroom
curtains, it didn't.
As soon as he stretched and yawned, taking a deep breath, he could smell the
scent of pancakes. Possibly even bacon. When Eggsy climbed out of bed and
opened his door, the smell grew stronger and he could hear faint sounds of
Harry in the kitchen. The lights weren't on in the hall, but the toilet still
held a warm, misty air of the shower having been recently used. Harry must not
have been up for long, but he'd gone straight back to his former morning
routine.
Eggsy felt comforted. Not even necessarily by the domesticity of it all, like
living in a fancy hotel with room service and a complimentary fresh breakfast.
Harry had chosen to get up early and cook breakfast, unasked. It was a change
from what Eggsy had watched on the cameras, with him wasting away and taking
liquid meals or frozen ones, or ones out of a box and cellophane wrappers.
Eggsy washed his face and came down the stairs draped in his old bath robe,
found on its old hook.
When he came around the kitchen doorway, Harry looked up from the tea kettle
where he was pouring water and smiled. "Just in time. Breakfast is almost
ready." Harry wasn't fully dressed either. Eggsy was familiar with his robe and
slippers, but the particular pair of pyjamas he wore underneath might have been
new. He pulled two mugs down from the cupboard and went to check on the bacon,
leaving Eggsy to do as he pleased.
For a few moments Eggsy just stood there, absorbing the sights and smells and
sounds. It was one of the things that had originally endeared Harry to him -
the difference between digging out stale cereal from between liquor bottles and
filling his bowl with tap water because they were out of milk, and waking up to
a warm, fresh breakfast and an equally warm smile.
Harry was so different from the grieving shadow he'd watched for weeks. Eggsy
moved forward slowly and eventually sank into a chair at the kitchen table, but
he didn't take his eyes off the older man.
Harry left him to it. He moved around the kitchen, flipping a few more
pancakes, and then stacking up their plates before he finished up and brought
everything to the table. A tall stack of pancakes was placed at the centre,
next to their glasses of milk and a plate of bacon and oranges for Eggsy to
load his own plate up with while Harry settled in and did the same.
"Did you sleep ok?" Harry asked when their plates had been sufficiently filled.
"Yeah. Better'n I have for a while." Eggsy didn't have to say that he'd been
worried, or all the things he'd worried about. Harry knew. He knew why, but not
that Eggsy would have felt better in the house, or why. "You sleep ok? You seem
up kinda early."
Harry nodded. He smiled and looked to his plate, a mannerism Harry didn't
usually have. "I did. I wanted to make breakfast. It.... It's nice, just having
you in the house." He poured maple syrup over his pancakes so he didn't have to
see Eggsy looking at him intently, even though he could out of the corner of
his eye. Then he sliced into one and took a bite. Harry paused, savouring the
taste. "I think I missed pancakes."
"Probably. You haven't had 'em in a while, huh." Eggsy didn't need to ask. He
knew well enough that Harry had been neglecting himself. Eggsy wasn't even
certain he'd eaten breakfast most days. "Anythin' interesting going on? Or not
really? I've got a couple days until I gotta go back to school work, but I
didn't know if that meant you were off too."
"I took the next couple days off, but I don't have anything in particular
planned other than helping you settle in. Although we should talk about your
school work." Harry took a few slices of bacon as he spoke. "Keeping your
current tutor is an option, but you'll want to be certain that you're
comfortable with him visiting you here. That should be fine so long as you
aren't nervous about it. I know it felt somewhat awkward to have the Wilsons
here, and that might create a similar feeling. If so, we might look into
finding another tutor or enrolling you in class again with catch-up work on the
side."
"I guess I'm just nervous about whether or not he might notice anything. It
should be fine if we're careful, just... he's seen what I was like when livin'
with the Wilsons. I know I'm gonna be different when I'm here, but I don't know
what he'll think about that." Eggsy cut his pancakes into large forkfuls and
began inhaling food like he'd used to - perhaps a sign that he was hungry and
growing, or that he'd missed Harry's cooking. "I gotta unpack, but that's not
gonna take very long. I dunno. Might be nice to get out and go someplace, since
I haven't really had much chance to lately."
"Sounds good to me." Harry looked on with fondness. "Anywhere in particular
you've been wanting to go?" Harry thought back to the London Eye. They'd had a
turning point there, but it had been an enjoyable experience besides. Even if
all their outings weren't quite like that, Harry was looking forward to going
places with Eggsy again. He also wasn't sure what he'd collected living at the
Wilsons' and whether Eggsy would need more clothes or like to get things for
his room now that he had one with explicit permission to change as he saw fit.
'Is there any shopping you need done?"
"I thought about the museum, actually. I haven't been in a while. My mum was
always workin' and the only times I got to go were school trips. Which wasn't
the greatest, because you had to run around doing worksheets while you were
there. And... I mean, maybe I'll want to go shopping at some point, but I have
no idea what I'd even get. I'm fine on clothes, I've got a computer and my
phone." Eggsy thought for a minute. The notion of having money to purchase
things for himself, and asking for things, was still alien even though he'd had
periods that weren't impoverished when living with Harry and his foster
parents. "Snacks and things, I guess. Since I'll be around all the time now,
and all. I'd like to do stuff with my room but I don't know what yet."
Harry gave a nod. "No need to do it all at once. And anyway, I would like to go
to the museum. Are you thinking Science or Natural History?" Harry hadn't been
to either in ages, but conveniently they were both right next to each other and
not far at all. They'd do better to walk and not worry about parking, even if
it was chilly outside. "I'm surprised we haven't gone before, now that you
mention it." Arcades, comic book stores, and the cinema had been Eggsy’s
favourite places to go when he'd lived with Harry, and occasionally they did
other things like visit the park or shopping malls, but somehow they'd never
found the time to visit the museums.
"Natural history, I think. Nobody can tell me they don't like dinosaurs." Eggsy
smirked before grabbing a few more strips of bacon. "Bet you'll enjoy it, too.
They probably have some butterfly exhibit. What's the deal with those, anyways?
I still don’t get why you like 'em so much. Posh people seem to go much more
for stuffed pheasants and deer heads and such, and not so much for dead bugs
behind glass."
"I have tried to tell you before," Harry bemoaned, playing it up a little. "But
I think they are...quite beautiful. Even though they're dead and pinned to the
wall. I will grant you that it's a little morbid, but it doesn't take away
their beauty. I think, anyway. It's just something I enjoy collecting." He
twirled his fork between his fingers as he thought, watching Eggsy licking
bacon grease from his thumb. "I've always wondered if you would enjoy
collecting something someday. Not that I want to get you started if you're not
interested. It's one of those things you only realise you're doing after you've
already gathered an assortment."
Eggsy turned strangely thoughtful and quiet for a moment. Thoughts drifted
through his head about his old stash beneath his bed - how precious a few
stolen knick-knacks and magazines had been to him at the time. "Yeah, maybe
someday. Don't think I've found the right thing yet, though. I used to grab
stuff, but that was 'cause I didn't have nothing."
"Ah yes. That would be a strong incentive for one to hold onto things, even if
it's a slightly different compulsion." Harry noticed that Eggsy had changed
that habit over the years. He'd trained himself not to be so attached to
things, even if he did take care of the possessions he did have. This, as with
many things about Eggsy's habits, his wants and his outlook on the future,
Harry was curious to see develop over time. If it developed over time. Harry
finished his glass of milk, watching Eggsy while trying not to be too invasive
about it. It was still such a novelty having him sitting just across the table.
"Might be neat to have stuff from around the world, if I ever end up travelin'
as much as you do. Bit like havin' a museum in your house." Eggsy speared up
the last few pieces of pancake off his plate. "Always seems so weird to me that
the world is so big. There's so many people in London, so much stuff, it always
felt to me like there wasn't really anywhere else. India and Pakistan couldn't
be so far, 'cause you had neighbours from there right next door and could nip
down the street for any kind of food you wanted. I never really got how big
everythin' was until you took me on some trips."
Harry smiled. "Just imagine how big it would feel if you had to wait months to
travel by train, or by ship." The truth was that Harry hadn't felt like the
world was very big in a long time. He flew from one destination to the next
around and around the globe like it was nothing. Kingsman knew and interacted
with the same organized crime all over the world. New alliances popped up, new
people came and went, but it started seeming all the same to Harry after a
certain point. Most of the time he could go into a new situation and feel like
he knew what to expect, but seeing all that through Eggsy's eyes, travelling
with Eggsy...that was something new entirely. When they'd gone on holiday
together, watching Eggsy explore was Harry's favourite thing to do.
"I don't think I could deal with that. Even sittin' on a plane for hours was
boring, and that was with it zippin' along at however many kilometres an hour.
I can't even imagine how people dealt with things like what they told us in
school, walkin' the whole way with wagons and such to trade. You couldn't even
trade food that far or it'd go rotten." Eggsy finished off his glass of milk
and sat back. "Guess it's just weird to think about how big things really are
and how different stuff would have been."
Eggsy's eyes lit up, and he shot Harry a crooked smile. "Good for you it ain't
some other time. Instead of having all these fancy gadgets, workin' as a spy
would have meant you runnin' like mad to try to deliver information, like that
one Greek bloke."
Harry raised an eyebrow. "Greek bloke? You're not thinking of Hermes, are you?
I'll have you know, I am more than a glorified messenger." Harry levelled his
fork at the boy, managing to look just dour enough to be playful. A little part
of him was glad to see Eggsy still had an interest in history, still liked
learning, even if he'd been forced to catch up over the past few months.
"No, that runner guy who spied on some enemy army and ran until he basically
killed himself to get the news out to his people's army. I don't think you'd
like that sort of job nearly as much. I wouldn't either, since I like havin'
you around after your jobs get done." Eggsy thought for a moment. "D'you like
right now? How things are with technology and everythin', I mean. Or would you
have wanted to live sometime in the past?"
"Oh no, I would not want to live in the past...," Harry brought himself up
short. "Well. Perhaps I would have appreciated some things a great deal more
than the present. If you and I had lived in the times of Ancient Greece, we
wouldn't have had to hide our relationship." Harry offered the boy a subdued
smile, knowing that if that had been the case, he would have never needed to do
what he'd done to Eggsy in the way of manipulation and secrecy. "Although there
would be drawbacks in other areas. I'd still be expected to start a family
someday and so would you. But in any case, I am quite happy with the technology
available to me these days, and that would be very difficult to give up."
"Is that something you ever wanted? Havin' a family? I know it would've been
hard, what with the things you like and bein' a spy and all that, but some of
the other people in Kingsman seem to do fine with it. Or are you not really a
family sort of person?" Eggsy wasn't even sure about himself. He didn't mind
kids, but all his assumptions in childhood had evaporated the moment he'd
realized he was gay. From what he could tell, not only could gay people not get
married, they couldn't even adopt if they wanted to. Not if they were living as
a couple.
"No, I'm definitely not the family type. Never wanted one of my own,
except...," Harry put down his fork, plate cleaned, and took in Eggsy watching
him curiously, "except what I'd had with you." Harry shrugged, keeping the mood
light. "Granted, I am not your father and I've never tried to be. But I'd
wanted...a different type of love, and living, and it worked for a time. When
there weren't complications. I think that is the closest thing to family that I
want." Harry pushed his plate back and regarded the boy watching him, knowing
Eggsy would have yet to decide all this for himself.
"I'm glad you ain't my father, otherwise things would be awkward," Eggsy
quipped, trying to diffuse the small bit of tension that had built up between
them. "You're right though. It was nice, before... y'know. Me findin' out
everythin'. I wouldn't have thought about comin' back here if I didn't remember
the good times and think things were different now."
Harry's face split into a wry grin. "Well I'm glad you did. Now, if you want to
take some time and unpack, go ahead. I still need to get dressed and then we
can see about visiting that museum." Harry took a moment to enjoy Eggsy just
sitting there, being optimistic, before he stretched and stood, gathering
plates and squeezing the boy's shoulder on his way to the kitchen. Harry
wouldn't be able to stop some of those small touches, he realised, but on the
other hand as long as it wasn't too invasive, he had the suspicion that Eggsy
might not want them to stop.
Eggsy helped carry things into the kitchen before he took off. Harry listened
to the sound of footsteps going up the stairs - a sound he'd missed dearly,
more so as every time afterwards he didn't know whether or not it would be the
last time he heard it, only temporarily restored to him. Now there would be
more instances to look forward to. Eggsy wasn't simply going upstairs to review
mission footage again, he was going to the room he'd claimed as his own. The
room he'd wanted.
Harry followed up the stairs to his own room. He didn't bother shutting the
door all the way as he dressed for the day. It was a small intimacy Harry
wanted to keep, and there seemed to be no need. Eggsy had not asked that they
pretend their relationship wasn't intimate until Eggsy wanted it to be, and for
that Harry was grateful. He chose a lighter suit, and one of his more casual
styles, something he could wear underneath his heavy coat while they were
outside and not feel overheated in while walking inside.
Once finished, Harry went to his office checked his messages from work while
listening to Eggsy move about his room, the sounds of drawers opening and
closing followed by footsteps back and forth.
The sound of boxes being unpacked, as well. One more reminder that this was
real. Eggsy was staying.
When Eggsy's bedroom door finally opened, he came out dressed in the way he
normally favoured - jeans, a shirt layered under one of the several hoodies he
now had in his possession, and thick socks that made his sneakers even more
comfortable than they normally were. Eggsy had added a cap to the outfit, the
brim of which didn't really shade his face so much as frame it. "You ready?"
Harry looked up from his computer. Eggsy looked like himself again, and relaxed
in his own clothing and not trying to hide it. And he looked good.
"Ready," Harry said, getting up and joining the boy in the hall. "You look set
to go. You'll need to bring your coat though. We'll be walking." Harry followed
Eggsy down the stairs and grabbed his keys and wallet before they bundled up
and set off for the day. Walking down the street with Eggsy didn't feel as
strange and new as having him in the house, but it was no less exciting.
The air was crisp, but not too cold. Still, Eggsy kept his hands jammed into
his pockets to keep them warm. "Y'know, I always wondered who all these people
were, runnin' around during the day in the work week. I saw all kinds of people
when I was playin' delivery boy. They can't all be rich or retired. I guess it
was just weird to me that most everyone is working and there are still tons of
people around."
Harry shrugged. "It varies greatly, I'm sure, but a lot of people don't have
the standard nine to five schedules even if they don't do what I do for a
living." Harry didn't mention that a lot of the people Eggsy saw might have
been between jobs or preferred less reputable vocations. "And a lot of them are
simply out on their lunch break."
They turned from one busy street onto the next, then across until they reached
the line of trees that flanked the museum's wildlife garden.
"I guess. I just wondered. They couldn't all be like the sort of people I used
to deliver to." Eggsy looked up as the museum building began to loom larger and
larger in front of them, beyond the trees. "Y'know, I remember thinkin' the
first time I was here that it didn't really look like a museum. More like some
kind of cathedral that got sold and changed over at some point. Or some
university library."
"You know, I've thought the same thing myself a few times. And I think it grew
on me. Most other museums I've seen are all very modern." Harry held the door
for Eggsy and they walked up to the admission line. Fortunately, the place
didn't seem quite as packed as it might have during the summer, although,
judging by the matching coloured shirts, there were several school groups
waiting in line with them. It didn't take long before they had their tickets
and maps in hand and were set to wander or wait for one of the tours.
"Where should we go first, d'you think? Start with the dinosaurs, or mammals?"
Eggsy flipped through his guide map, then started to laugh. He nudged Harry
with his elbow. "Look at that, I was right. They do got butterflies, up in the
Treasure Gallery. Guess we better go see that at some point."
"Lucky me. I wonder if any are available for purchase," Harry chuckled. "Why
don't we see the dinosaurs first? We don't have to save the best things for
last."
They followed their maps to a section of large halls with equally large
skeletons displayed upon platforms. Eggsy had been right to compare it to a
cathedral, Harry thought, with the stone archways for visitors to walk through
not nearly as tall as the first dinosaur skeleton they stopped beside and the
arches overhead far higher. The murmur of voices echoed through the hall,
varying between the soft thrum of adults and the occasional higher outburst
from a child.
Eggsy was surprisingly excited, and he didn't bother hiding it. Either the boy
hadn't yet started adopting the aloofness that some pre-teens did in order to
seem cooler and more mature, or Eggsy didn't feel any peer pressure to put on
such an act with Harry. Or, more likely, Harry already took him as serious and
mature and respected, so there was no need to aggressively play up a child's
idea of disdainful adult maturity in order to be treated with an adult's
respect.
A tug on Harry's sleeve drew his attention towards the specimen Eggsy was
pointing at. "Hell, the teeth on that would make me think twice about ever
goin' swimmin' again if I didn't know all these were extinct."
Harry laughed. "I think this one could swallow you in one go, no need for any
chewing." Then Eggsy was pulling him along to another, and Harry realised what
he enjoyed about this most was Eggsy's ability to let him let go and laugh
along. He was doing it without thought. Every time Eggsy made a comment or read
from a placard, Harry had a quip right back. And Harry got to enjoy it, too. He
knew very little about dinosaurs, but with Eggsy by his side, they became
infinitely more interesting.
They ended up in front of the famous T. Rex display and Harry read from his
guide. "This is apparently the first T. Rex fossil ever found."
"I heard, back when they first started finding stuff like this, they had no
idea how to put the skeletons back together, so they guessed a lot. And later
on ended up finding out they'd put a bunch of things in the wrong places."
Eggsy peered up, marvelling at how big even the skeleton's leg bones were. "Any
idea why stuff all started out so big and then ended up gettin' smaller and
smaller as time went on? Like, even fossils of old crocodiles and sharks and
mammals are all huge compared to ones now."
"That would be a question for the guides, I think. I vaguely remember something
about the way dinosaurs went extinct, how might have had something to do with
it, and there certainly were many small animals and insects living at the same
time they did." Harry strolled around the impressive figure, imagining what it
might look like with muscle and tissue and alive. When he imagined how fast a
creature like that might move, in spite of its size, it was difficult not to
think of Eggsy first, the boy being so small.... Harry marvelled a little at
the way his protective side reared up so easily in Eggsy's presence.
"You think something like Jurassic Park could ever really happen? Like, I like
the idea of having dinosaurs again, but only some of them. I'm not really big
on all the creepy ones in the water. Sharks are bad enough," Eggsy shuddered.
"At least you can see sharks. Those ones with the snakelike necks? I bet you
wouldn't even see it coming. It'd be swimming down somewhere below and just
stretch up to eat you whenever it felt hungry. Like some sorta nightmare sea
giraffe."
"I'm sure there's all sorts of things to be said about what an invasive species
that lived that long ago would do to the balance of today's wildlife, but none
of it sounds very pleasant," Harry said as they passed underneath a blue whale,
scaled to life size. They strolled through the amphibians and reptiles section,
and then some mammals, and even human biology. Eggsy was interested in
everything, and they stopped at every exhibit they passed.
Thankfully, unpleasant experiences with the school system hadn't dampened
Eggsy's enthusiasm to learn, although like all children he would have rolled
his eyes and become displeased if their outing was framed as 'educational'. The
boy was smart, and he had an eye for details. Once Eggsy caught up on his
education, it was likely he'd do very well and go very far indeed, and keen
observational skills would be an asset for any number of things Eggsy might
choose to do with his life. Harry watched, looking for clues, but Eggsy seemed
to enjoy everything, even the more cryptic geology exhibit.
It was heartening to see. One of Harry's greatest fears was that Eggsy would
lose those interests that had seemed so innate to him before, but as the hours
passed and they moved from one side of the building to the other, stopping by
the cafe for lunch along the way, Harry's fears were quietly put to rest.
They spent the whole day wandering the museum. Eggsy would have even gone next
door to the Science Museum if there had been enough time, but Harry assured him
they'd visit again soon. They had plenty of days ahead of them now, and Eggsy
could go whenever he wanted to. And someday with his allowance, he'd be able to
go to these places with friends. Harry just hoped he'd get the honour for a
little while longer yet.
The change in Eggsy's mood was palpable, as well. Harry thought he might be
projecting his hopes at first, but the boy was more energetic and optimistic,
even playful than Harry could remember for some time. Tension still lingered,
but the mood was already much different than their outings when he was still at
the Wilsons' residence. The warm glow Harry remembered with such fondness had
returned to Eggsy's skin, instead of the slight pallor that came with constant
stress and worry.
It was a good sign. A small one, but significant.
They walked home together, chatting and laughing and the chill biting a little
less for it while the sun descended in the sky. Harry had a lot of moments to
cherish lately, he thought, and this was going to be one of them. He kept Eggsy
wrapped tight and warm with an arm around his shoulders when the boy wasn't
jumping around and gesturing about something or another they'd seen or other
places he'd like to go. Harry kept nodding and grinning and adding commentary
where he could, but he was happy to let Eggsy go on, and he was grateful the
boy hadn't lost his spirit.
Eggsy didn't complain about the arm, either. No one gave them a second glance,
assuming that they were father and son. The sky turned to warm, fiery colours
painted across the clouds as dusk drew near, and shadows stretched out in front
of them as they made their way back home.
Home. It was home again, to Eggsy and Harry both. It had been just another
place with a bed to Harry when the boy had been gone, more or less, much like
the sleeping quarters at Kingsman HQ or one of the scattered safe houses
Kingsman maintained. Hope had been breathed back into the rooms.
They were greeted by a plume of warm air when Harry let them inside. Eggsy
didn't need to be told where to hang up his jacket or leave his shoes. Harry
announced that he'd put on the kettle and see what he could make for dinner,
heading for the kitchen and enjoying the feel of life in the house. This would
be Eggsy's first real day back and Harry intended to let him relax and settle
now that they'd gone out and had their fun.
Eggsy went right for the telly, flopping down on the sofa and beginning to skim
through the channels looking for something good. Harry noticed that Eggsy
didn't immediately make for the privacy of his room. That he hadn't had enough
of Harry's presence after a full day spent out in public.
Harry knew time would prove just how comfortable Eggsy felt in the same rooms
as him, but it was a good sign. Good signs continued to happen throughout
dinner, when Harry made fried cod and rice and Eggsy didn't hesitate to help
him set the table when he called nor engage in conversation throughout the
meal. They had comfortable silences and comfortable topics with the museum so
fresh at hand. Harry could remember the strained tension between them the first
few times Eggsy had visited since coming back. He remembered bursts of them
finding sync with one another and then losing it. Somehow, this was worlds
apart, and he didn't dare take it for granted.
Eggsy helped clear the table afterwards as well, though he didn't stay to wash
up. It was then that he retreated upstairs, and beyond the running water in the
sink and clink of cutlery and dishes being washed, Harry could hear the water
turn on above him. Not the shower, which had its own distinct sound, but the
deeper sound of a tub being filled.
Harry paused, trying to remember the last time he'd seen Eggsy taking a bath.
Years ago, definitely. Even when Eggsy had first come to live with him, the boy
had been taking mostly showers for a while. Harry wondered if this was a sign
of just how much Eggsy was relaxing after all.
Harry finished up the dishes and headed up the stairs, but left the door to the
toilet alone. It was Harry's usual routine to check on work before he went to
bed, and he decided he may as well not put it off. It was an unexpected comfort
to hear the muted sounds of water splashing now and again from the other room
while he answered emails and looked over documents.
Sometime later, Harry heard the sound of water beginning to drain. What
followed were other sounds that had once been familiar - the tap of a
toothbrush against the sink, the swish of water in a cup. The door finally
opened and small footsteps moved towards Eggsy's room. The door opened and
closed, and after a minute or two, Harry could faintly hear the depression of
springs as Eggsy settled into bed.
Harry spent a long moment before he finished up his work to think how surreal
this was, and then decided that he'd have to introduce saying goodnight before
Eggsy went to bed into their new routine. He shut down his computer and went to
get ready, himself, wondering if Eggsy was listening to all the small noises he
made as he changed, brushed his teeth and washed his face before bed. He liked
to think so as he closed the door to his own room and climbed under the covers.
He set his alarm so that he could get up in time to make breakfast again and
thought about this becoming part of their routine, too.
There were so many things Harry determined he would have to rediscover about
living with Eggsy, but it was beginning to feel like he could.
Chapter End Notes
     Join us 12/16 and 12/17 for the Friday and Sturday chats at the Dark
     Kingsman_Block_Party!
     Also note that the next chapter will be late.
***** Chapter 55 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Weeks passed, settling them into their new routines. Eggsy eventually decided
it was too stressful to constantly worry about his previous tutor, and so Harry
arranged for a series of new ones for Eggsy to select from. Much as the boy
hoped for a reprieve, there was only such where emotions were concerned; Harry
continued to be driven to motivate Eggsy towards his education and advancement,
and so there was little vacation to be had from homework and lessons. Eggsy
grudgingly submitted, knowing full well it was for his eventual benefit. He
might not find schooling very stimulating right then, but it would pay off in
the end, and he knew it.
Harry kept his promises and gave Eggsy his space. He never stepped foot into
Eggsy's room and only knocked lightly on the door when breakfast was ready and
Eggsy still hadn't gotten out of bed. Harry had improved in that, too. Eggsy's
first days back weren't a fluke, Harry really did fall back into the routine of
preparing meals for them both, and when Eggsy was around, sometimes roping the
boy into helping, too. Like Eggsy's school lessons, Harry seemed determined
that he learn basic cooking skills as well.
Harry never touched Eggsy beyond their comfortable contact sitting on the couch
or friendly squeezes of his shoulder unless Eggsy gave some indication he
wanted to be touched. Whenever that happened, Harry was no less eager to
provide it.
True to Harry's predictions, he managed to keep the Wilsons away for the most
part. Eggsy received a few phone calls, but they were very quickly caught up in
their own lives. Harry had taken a minor vacation the first week Eggsy was
back, but after that Eggsy had to get used to him being out of the house
regularly. Harry hadn't gone on any extended missions yet, but it was clear he
still led a busy life at work.
One evening, while cooking dinner at the stove as Eggsy did homework at the
table, Harry had an unusual request. "I need to go away to Austria for a few
days this weekend. It's for work, but...I was wondering if you would like to
come with me."
"Like I wouldn't" Eggsy breathed. "You know I always like goin' places. All the
better if I'm gonna be keepin' an eye on you. I feel better when I can actually
see you're alright, not just assume it because I haven't heard otherwise yet."
Eggsy hadn't gone to Austria yet, but he had very scenic ideas from movies. The
Sound of Music had been one of his mother's favourites for some reason, and all
Eggsy could picture was cities set somewhere in the fields amid the mountains
rising up in every direction.
"Well if you'd like, you have the option to do a little more than that, even."
Harry glanced over his shoulder with a conspiratorial lift of his brow. "I need
to investigate a man who will be taking a holiday with his family. Lots of
families there, actually. We would be at a ski lodge, which is why you would
work so well as part of my cover. If you're up for it, that is." Harry went
back to stirring the stew like this was just a normal offer. "It wouldn't be
dangerous. All you'd have to do is loiter around the lodge and pretend to be my
son while enjoying the slopes."
"You know I like skiing," Eggsy countered with a grin. "Seriously, that's it? I
get to go skiing and keep on pretendin' that I'm your kid, like everyone else
figures, and it helps you out on your mission? Sold. Sign me up. Not every day
someone gets a free vacation and helps out a spy organization. Am I gonna be
having to do any babysitting?"
Harry laughed and brought their steaming bowls of soup and a plate of rosemary
garlic bread to the table. "Quite keen for a holiday, aren't you?" In truth,
Harry was relieved. Eggsy was showing no signs of reservation yet, even when
his past experience with Harry's missions hadn't been very pleasant. Still,
Eggsy did know that most did not turn out the way he'd seen in person. "If
you're okay with it, you might be able to help keep an eye on things for me.
This man will be there with his wife and four children, which are a lot of
people to account for."
"Four?" Eggsy whined, taking his seat. Even the savoury aroma in front of him
and the idea of a vacation didn't quite make up for it. "Four kids. I don't
suppose they're all at least old enough to really ski? Older kids might be
competitive, but younger ones will want help, and you can't do both at once."
"The eldest is a year older than you I believe," Harry shot Eggsy a look of
amusement. "And I believe the youngest is eight, so they should all be old
enough, if not for the more difficult hills. But anyway, I won't need you to
keep track of them constantly. Just...at the opportune moments, if you are so
inclined. If not, I'll have to set up surveillance that can cover the areas
where the lodge's security cameras are lacking." Harry dipped a slice of bread
into his soup and savoured the taste.
"I dunno that I can take care of all of 'em at once. You're gonna have to pick
older or younger, most like." It wouldn't truly be a vacation if Eggsy had a
job, but then, it wasn't a vacation for Harry either. He was working, and he so
rarely included Eggsy in his work. Giving a little might just be the key to
getting more - information, and involvement, and perspective. Viewing the
aftermath of missions only did so much. Eggsy was concerned about current jobs,
and what they entailed, and who Harry was interacting with.
"It will likely come down more to timing, so I'd recommend you try to befriend
the older children and then if I have need of you to engage the younger two for
any reason, it won't seem that unusual. We can fit you with an earpiece, just
in case. It's too bad I don't think a pair of glasses would quite fit your
cover." Harry smiled, trying to imagine Eggsy in thick rimmed glasses that
clashed with nearly everything in the boy's wardrobe. If Merlin wanted to see
through Eggsy's eyes, they'd have to figure out something else.
"Yeah, no. They look fine on you. More than fine. But if I wear somethin' like
that with my usual stuff, those kids are gonna beat me up instead of wanting to
race me down the slopes. I don't think I'll need somethin' like that unless
you're planning on havin' me snoop around, and it sounds like you just want me
to be a distraction." Eggsy's brows lifted suggestively. "I can do that right
here, y'know. You don't even have to butter me up with a trip to the
mountains."
"I don't need you to be my distraction." Harry levelled a spoon at Eggsy, not
trying to hide the pull of his mouth. "I'd never leave the lodge if that were
the case, never mind getting anything else done. But yes, I think all you'll
need will be an earpiece. And most of your time can be spent enjoying the trip.
This should be a fairly low-key mission overall, even for me."
"Is there any extra time? Or is it one of those get-in, get-out sort of jobs?"
Eggsy had never minded those when waiting for Harry back home, but he was a bit
less enthusiastic at the idea of his vacation being cut short just because
Harry had finished pulling the wool over some bloke's eyes. "Who's this guy,
anyways? What does he got that they need you rattlin' his cage in person
instead of just, I dunno, tappin' into his phone and computer and such from a
distance?"
"He's a systems analyst for some tech company or another, officially, but on
the side he forges documents of identification for a Russian network involved
mainly in illegal trade. Essentially, he's a highly skilled link in a chain
that are very difficult to track and he is one of the few people involved who
will have a stash of physical documents on hand. Part of his reason for
visiting Austria, in fact, is to hand these forged documents off to the middle
men who will distribute them to buyers. I simply need to obtain copies of these
documents and we'll not only have him, but enough information to track these
stolen identities down the chain." Harry watched as Eggsy took it all in like
he was envisioning the process. "This generally means getting into his rooms
while he and the family are out to dinner or frolicking around the slopes.
We'll only get an extra day to enjoy at most, and that's only if we can wrap
this up in a timely manner."
"Is that your way of tellin' me you want me to be extra distractin'? I don't
have as much experience with skiin' as I'd like, but I think I can help. Unless
you want to be the one dazzlin' them all while I go pokin' around in their
rooms?" Eggsy wouldn't have the expertise to do such a thing, and they both
knew it, but the boy couldn't resist teasing. "What do I get if I help out?"
"A trip to an Austrian ski resort isn't enough?" Harry spluttered. "What more
could you possibly want?" Eggsy had that look in his eye that meant trouble. It
was one that was making an appearance more often over the past few weeks, and
one that Harry delighted in whenever he saw it, even if it did spell mischief.
"How about room service every morning? Twenty four hour access to an indoor
pool and sauna? A full service bar - well, I suppose you'll have to wait until
you're a little older for that one." Harry grinned.
"I bet I could make use of some other services. It's supposed to be a vacation,
after all." The boy's eyes turned upward in thought. He knew full well that
Harry would treat him to whatever mundane pleasures he wanted, and more. Being
allowed to accompany Harry on a mission for his own peace of mind, much less
help out, was a bit of a treat in itself. "You gotta come skiing with me when
we're done. I get to pick the slopes. And we get to go out for hot chocolate
and treats, not just stay in the lodge. Someplace not for tourists. Deal?"
"Deal." Harry didn't stop grinning through the rest of their dinner. As excited
as Eggsy sounded for the trip, going on to tease Harry some more over his own
potential spy skills, Harry couldn't stop his own excitement from welling up.
He remembered Eggsy had been disappointed when he couldn't watch Harry's
missions in real time, and Harry had known that wouldn't be a good idea when
Eggsy was home alone, but it seemed the boy's desire to see what Harry did went
further than just that. It was true that the mission was not expected to be
difficult, and Harry would have hesitated over putting Eggsy in any real
danger, but Eggsy had been proving himself capable enough to come along for
something like this for quite a while now and Harry thrilled at the
opportunity.
Eggsy, too, was thrilled. At the trust it entailed, and the excitement of being
part of a real mission, even if it was only a simple one. Overconfidence had
gotten to the boy - after outsmarting Harry and Merlin for some time, and
helping successfully get Harry out of a captive situation, Eggsy felt like he
could handle more than Harry thought. He didn't want to jeopardize missions, by
any means, but neither did he want to sit back at the house doing homework,
knowing all the while Harry might be in danger or having adventures without
him. Security and normalcy went a long way, but Eggsy also didn't want his life
to be boring.
When Harry said goodnight to Eggsy later, the excitement still lingered around
him like a palpable aura. Harry was glad to see it, even if it meant Eggsy
might not be getting any sleep that night. Eggsy had been surprisingly relaxed
since he'd arrived, minus a few tense occasions, but Harry finally felt like he
could introduce something that Eggsy would be truly happy about, even if it had
been a gamble. It had stuck in his mind, how much Eggsy wanted to know as much
as Merlin did, how much the boy wanted to be an equal in all things that he
could be. This would be the perfect opportunity.
To see and experience things as Harry did, not afterwards through the distance
of old mission footage and debriefing reports. To know what was happening, and
when, and be a small part of the action. Eggsy didn't expect much more out of
the experience other than the unique excitement of getting to participate and
the pleasure of showing off. Harry knew he wasn't an inept child, but he'd
prove it once again, then have the delight of basking in his part of the
victory.
===============================================================================
Harry made preparations for the weekend and notified Eggsy's new tutors that he
might be a day or two late returning and the rest of the week passed quickly
from there. Eggsy was a whirlwind of excitement even when he wasn't talking
about the trip. Harry could see it in him. Kingsman even provided the necessary
ski wear they would need, but left them to rent their actual skis from the
lodge. Eggsy wouldn't have to worry about anything he owned being second hand
if he did end up playing with these other kids.
When it came time to make the trip, Harry didn't take Eggsy to the airport as
he had done on their past vacations together. This time, he was allowed to make
use of Kingsman's private jet.
Eggsy was wide-eyed all the way there. The tailor shop was far too indiscreet
for bringing luggage along to the underground tram; instead, they'd driven to a
nearby hotel, one that was Kingsman owned. Rather than up to the rooms they
were ostensibly renting, a turn of a key and the punch of an access code took
them down far beneath the streets to another stop on the tramway. Eggsy stayed
close behind Harry and took a seat opposite him, watching the tram doors slide
shut once they were settled. "Dunno if I'll ever get used to this. I still feel
like I'm sneakin' into the place."
"You had a very unique first impression, I'll grant you that." Harry smiled and
knew Eggsy could see the grin he was holding back. Arthur had cleared the use
of Harry's ward for this mission, although reluctantly. But Eggsy would provide
a good cover and he had known about Kingsman for some time now, and it was not
as though Harry couldn't point to the long tradition of introducing family
members into the business.
When they arrived at Kingsman headquarters, the halls were much the same as
they had been the last time Eggsy was there, although this time Harry led him
along quickly at his side, flanked by an assistant briefing them with the
flight itinerary, hotel check-in times, and names and numbers that were too
disconnected for Eggsy to follow.
Eggsy tried his best not to gape like a tourist. The view of the hanger was
still breath-taking, but many of the other halls looked much the same. Eggsy
guessed that that might be on purpose - anyone who was supposed to be there
would memorize where they were going and what was what, and a stranger would be
caught in a maze of identical passages.
More surprising to Eggsy was how many people they passed. Most couldn't be
agents, or at least weren't dressed as such. Technicians, clerical workers,
security, even some people that looked to be mechanics passed them by. It made
sense that the organization would need support staff, but it was another thing
to actually see them. Particularly when Eggsy thought most of them wouldn't
look out of place at a corner pub.
Harry caught the boy looking and winked down at him, seemingly unnoticed by any
of the staff that followed.
When they reached the ground floor of the hangar, Eggsy saw that the plane had
been brought out and was waiting for them with stairs down. Techs moved around
underneath it, checking safety features and refuelling, probably. Harry thanked
the man who had been with them and accepted another briefcase to carry with
their luggage.
"Excited yet?" he asked Eggsy as they approached the aircraft.
"Hell yes. Not every day you get to go on a spy jet." Eggsy glanced sideways at
Harry. "Well, maybe you do, but I bet you remember what it was like when it was
brand new to you. Right?" They climbed the stairs into the main cabin and Eggsy
stopped as he got another surprise. "Oh, you gotta be kiddin' me. You've got
your planes decked out to look like this? Like some luxury hotel or summat?"
"Welcome to first class." Harry made a sweeping gesture around the interior
where soft leather chairs and lounges awaited them. "You really didn't expect
us to sit in those cramped little compartments for hours on end with the amount
of travelling I do? Have the time I'm passed out on that couch and miss the
whole flight." Harry squeezed Eggsy's shoulder and went to stow their luggage
in the compartment in the back.
Eggsy heard footsteps upon the stairs and a moment later a tall man with
similar spectacles as Harry entered the doorway. Eggsy didn't have to ask who
he was, however, as there was no mistaking the Captain's uniform. He caught
sight of Eggsy, but his attention drew to the sounds of Harry closing the
cabinet. "Galahad, reporting for duty, sir."
Harry emerged from the back and nodded to the man. "Very good, are we all set?"
"Just waiting on our first officer and we'll be good to go." The Captain nodded
back and made his way to the cockpit.
"D'you all wear the same glasses, even for people who aren't field agents?"
Eggsy asked, then considered for a moment. "I guess if he's comin' with us on
the plane, then it counts as being in the field. I guess I just feel a bit...
weird knowin' I'm surrounded by cameras again. I knew it was gonna happen, with
you bein' out on assignment, but I guess I didn't know I was gonna feel so
weird about it."
"My apologies for that, but it's something of a necessity. Here, come sit."
Harry patted the chair next to the one he took. "All of our agents wear
glasses, and anyone who will be working in the field alongside us, although if
there are more than a couple of us, sometimes we have to get creative or it
becomes noticeable. You won't have to be around so many at the lodge, just
mine."
The sound of footsteps again preceded the arrival of their co-pilot, who gave a
polite nod and a short "Galahad," to Harry before closing up the staircase
behind him and going to join their captain.
"Perks of bein' out on the slopes bein' a distraction, instead of doin' the
real spy work, I guess." Eggsy sat beside Harry and tried to settle the knot in
his stomach. He knew there were still cameras in Harry's house, but he turned
them off for Eggsy. He knew there were cameras everywhere when they went out in
public, and that Merlin was probably going to watch them through the lenses
they passed by, but he'd gotten used to that, too. Or at least resigned to it.
Eggsy was a little unnerved at the idea of other co-workers of Harry's walking
around with cameras recording everything they saw and heard.
"Speaking of, I have your earpiece if you'd like to take it now. There is a
very small switch on the side you can press to turn it on and off and you
needn't wear it all the time, just when we're actively working." Harry opened
the briefcase he'd been given and pulled out a small case for Eggsy. Eggsy knew
the glasses could be turned off, too, but that wasn't very reassuring when so
many people wore them. "You're automatically tuned to our handler's channel and
you'll be able to talk to me over that frequency as well."
Eggsy shot Harry a questioning look, but he already knew the answer he was
looking for. Our handler would mean Merlin. From all of Harry's stories and the
mission logs Eggsy had seen, it was very rare indeed that Harry ever went with
a different handler. Eggsy opened the case and found a very small earpiece
nestled inside amid the custom foam, delicate-looking and nearly transparent.
If he slid it on, Eggsy would bet that it wouldn't be viewable at all unless
someone was far too close and knew what they were looking for. "How's this
gonna work with all my ski gear on?"
"You'll be able to hear perfectly, and the microphone inside it is very
sensitive, so Even if it's a little muffled, I'll be able to hear you as well."
Harry let Eggsy pocket it and sat back in his chair while something in the
plane dinged and they heard the engines begin their low thrum outside.
"Buckle up and prepare for take-off," came the captain's voice over the
intercom, and Harry and Eggsy did as instructed. Outside their windows, the
techs moved their equipment out of the way and the plane began a slow taxi
forward.
It stopped in the centre of the hangar and that was when the engines became
noticeably louder. Lights lit up in a circle around the walls and something was
going on above them as suddenly, real daylight poured into the hangar below.
Harry just smiled as he watched Eggsy lean to see out the window. Then the
engines roared and they were lifting up, straight off the ground, until they
passed the opening that had once been the green landscape of the mansion's
front lawn and they were in the air, swiftly moving forward.
"No way. I thought only helicopters could do that," Eggsy whispered. He wasn't
an expert on aerospace engineering by any means, but even he knew planes
couldn't gain altitude in a straight vertical line. "You got some sort of weird
engines? Is that why you don't see a landing strip for something like this from
the outside?"
The more Eggsy thought about it, the more it made sense. It wouldn't be too
outrageous for someone who owned a manor to have a small private plane, but the
sort of things that Kingsman used would certainly draw attention - from the
model of the planes and their gear, to the hangars and other assets needed to
store, maintain, and allow such equipment to take off. Not to mention the
frequency of vehicles coming and going. The best way to keep people from asking
questions about why you had private planes and what you were doing with them
would be to hide everything so no one could notice anything at all. No visible
landing strip meant planes that could vertically ascend.
"Indeed. The plane is fitted with both the main engines, which have been
specially made to rotate, allowing for the vertical assent, and stabilizers to
keep us level during such manoeuvres. You won't find anything like it anywhere
else." Harry delighted in the look of sheer awe on Eggsy's face as he stared
out the window, trying to see as much of the plane as he could as they gained
altitude.
Once they passed the clouds, the captain turned off their seatbelt light and
Harry unbuckled himself. "Would you like something to drink? A snack?"
"Sure. Whatcha got? Anything good?" Eggsy was approaching one of his growth
spurts and food with him disappeared about as quickly as it could be offered.
"Speaking of, are we gonna be eatin' at the lodge, or going out somewhere else?
What happens if the family of the guy you're after wants to sit with us? I
don't really have the greatest idea of who you're playin', if they ask me
questions."
Harry rummaged through the refrigerator in the back. "Turkey sandwiches okay?"
At Eggsy's nod, he returned to his seat with pre-wrapped sandwiches and two
bottles of water. "I don't need be too far off character for this trip. We'll
go by the last name of Jones, and you can call me 'dad' or Henry." Harry took
in Eggsy's uncomfortable expression and winked. "I'd prefer it if you went by
Gary rather than Eggsy. It can be difficult to remember to respond to a new
name if you're not used to it, but yours is very distinct."
Eggsy made a rude sound and flopped back in his chair. "Gary sounds so boring
though. I've never liked it. 's like it belongs on some bloke who runs the
local petrol station and gives you a rough time if he thinks you look too much
like a chav. Do I gotta use it, or can we come up with something else? Can I be
a Jason or Ben or something?" The plastic crinkled as Eggsy unwrapped his
sandwich, and he was momentarily quiet as he started working on making the
sandwich disappear.
"Let's see, what is something that might fit you...? You should have a little
fun with it." Harry peered over his sandwich, hiding a smile. "You certainly
can't go around calling yourself James Bond. What do you think of Jimmy
instead?" He put on an imperious tone and straightened his shoulders, readying
himself for Eggsy's eye roll. "Jones. Jimmy Jones."
Eggsy rolled his eyes, but the corners of his mouth turned up. Harry knew how
much Eggsy enjoyed being a bit cheeky, and having his name be a very slight nod
to a famous spy was just the sort of mischief he'd enjoy. "Fine. Pretty much
anything's better than Gary. You really going with something as regular as
Henry Jones, though? I mean, I guess there are a bunch of John Smiths in the
world, or else people wouldn't joke about the name being so common, but won't
people think it's a bit weird?"
"It'll be easier for you to remember in this case, and since we won't be faking
accents, it will fit well enough even if it's common." Harry wanted this to be
as natural as possible for Eggsy. Falsified histories and different names could
be difficult to remember if one wasn't used to them and hadn't had time to
practise. "As far as anyone should be concerned, you and I live in London where
I work as a tailor and you attend school and our lives are not much different
than they really are from day to day. If anyone asks about your mother, you can
say that she left you with me several years ago."
"Got it. So we're doing minimal changes, just in case, right? Since I don't
have a lot of experience with this stuff? I don't wanna mess this up." Pride
was on the line, but even more; Eggsy was happy he'd been trusted enough to be
included and get to see more of this part of Harry and Harry's life. He wanted
this experience, and to do well enough that perhaps he'd be shown more. Get to
travel more and have other experiences that weren't simply those of a tourist.
"Right." Harry nodded and then offered Eggsy a kind smile. "You'll do fine.
You've had more practise in this than most. If you're ever unsure of what you
should say, the best policy is usually to say nothing at all. People tend to
draw their own conclusions." Harry hoped Eggsy really would feel comfortable on
this trip. He wasn't certain the boy would really need to do anything at all.
There were bound to be plenty of children and the family would surely spend
most of their days out on the hills or together at the various restaurants and
indoor activities rather than staying in their rooms all day. With that in
mind, Harry also hoped that Eggsy wouldn't feel too disappointed if he didn't
get to do anything, either.
"Okay. I'll do my best." Eggsy took a swig of water and tried to calm the
butterflies filling his stomach. He wanted to impress. He didn't even really
know why, other than he still liked when Harry was proud of him and that he'd
like to think his dad was proud of him, too. Lee had tried out for being a
Kingsman agent and would have done things much like this. In a certain sense,
the experience would give him one more thing to tie him to the father he barely
remembered.
They sat in between comfortable silence and quiet conversation for the rest of
the plane ride. Harry showed Eggsy a map of the town they'd be visiting and
explained that they would have a car rented for them if they needed to go
anywhere, but it was very likely they would spend all their time at the lodge.
If Harry could get the information he needed in two days, then they'd be able
to stay a third just for fun.
It wasn't much later that they began their descent into the Salzburg airport in
Austria and Harry and Eggsy had to buckle up again. As they lowered under the
clouds, they could see the Alps in the very near distance, snow covered and
vast. Somewhere in there was where they were headed.
Eggsy stared out the window. It wasn't his first trip to a mountainous area,
thanks to Harry, but it still made him full of awe when he saw it. In his
estimation, there wasn't much to be seen in the English countryside outside of
London but endless flat green. Mountains were a very different sort of
wilderness, the sort you could see hanging on the wall in a picture frame
instead of the monotony of grazing land as far as the eye could see. "What's
even the difference between Austria and Germany? Didn't they used to be the
same place?"
"Sort of. They've been united at times in history, including during the second
world war, and they still share very strong links. You wouldn't have to go very
far north from where we'll be staying to reach Munich." Harry made note to
bring these things up to Eggsy more often. It hadn't occurred to him that the
boy would be interested in the history of the countries they were flying into,
although he realised that maybe it should have.
They arrived at the airport with a smooth landing and their pilots took them to
an area meant for private jets before they thanked the pair and disembarked.
Harry handed Eggsy a passport on their way across the lot. "We'll be going
through a security checkpoint. Simply give them this and we'll be through in no
time."
"Okay." Eggsy didn't ask about what to do if security decided to question him.
Harry had already implied that they were going with a simplified version of the
truth, so Eggsy was planning to stick to that and keep things as simple and
vague as possible. Bare minimum, his luck would hold; people always assumed
from his appearance and his accent that he was just one more stupid kid,
bumbling about without a real clue or any smarts to his name. Playing ignorant
had worked wonders for Eggsy in the past.
It turned out that they took Eggsy's passport, looked him up and down, had him
go through the metal detector, and that was that. Harry whisked them through
the airport like he'd done this a dozen times or more and from there they took
a shuttle to pick up their rented car. Once they were on the road, Harry
informed Eggsy they would be staying at the Saalbach-Hinterglemm resort a
little more than an hour's drive south.
Eggsy enjoyed the entire car trip there. Besides the entrancing scenery, Harry
seemed to be in high spirits. They talked and joked, and after a bit Eggsy was
all smiles and enthusiasm, asking questions about the country and rambling his
thoughts about anything that came to mind. When they pulled into the garage and
walked towards the front desk for check in, Eggsy seemed no less energetic for
all the traveling they'd been doing that day.
Harry took care of checking in and receiving their room keys and the maps
they'd need listing all the trails and hours of operation, where to rent
equipment, where to eat, and just about anything else they would need. The
lodge they were staying in was one of the most expensive the town had to offer,
and it showed. It was situated right at the bottom of the busiest hills in the
Hinterglemm ski resort and offered everything they would need without leaving.
With wide windows set against the bottom of the slope, it offered a beautiful
view outside and a modern but cosy interior. They passed the lounge area with a
large fireplace set in the centre for the skiers to come in and warm themselves
by before going back out again, and then took an elevator up to their room.
When Harry unlocked the door, they found the room was furnished as well as the
lounge below, with plenty of space and just as nice a view.
"Our friend is staying at the other end of the hall," Harry informed Eggsy as
they set their luggage down next to the two large beds. "They're scheduled to
check in later today, so we'll have time to relax before I have to get to
work."
Eggsy promptly set about exploring the room, admiring the view and the tasteful
artwork hung on the walls before wandering into the bathroom. "...oh man.
Harry, check it out. Not just a fancy shower, but one of those jacuzzi hot tub
things. Probably so it can thaw people out after they wipe out and eat snow."
Eggsy glanced in the mirror, running the sink faucet for a moment and wetting
his hand so he could smooth down a rebellious tuft of hair. "What else is there
to do here? I don't want to go out already if I'm gonna be out there
distracting his kids for a long while. I'll freeze."
"We could see what's on the menu from room service for later, or pick out a
restaurant you'd like to go to for dinner." Harry unfolded the map and took a
look around. "Seems there's an arcade we could visit, or the swimming pool. I'd
like to stay in the lodge for now. There are security cameras at both ends of
this hall Merlin has access to, and I'd like us to make an appearance in the
hall as Mr. Orlov and his family are getting in. They'll be excited to see
other kids nearby and will be less hesitant to get to know you later, if
needed." It very well may not be, but Harry wanted the first impression to be
there just in case.
"Could we figure out what we're doin' for dinner and then hit the arcade? I
don't really feel like swimmin' right now. 'sides, you'd probably get
distracted, and I'm not supposed to be distracting you. Not right now," Eggsy
grinned. "I suppose I'm not allowed to leave real high score entries on
anything just in case, huh."
"If you can," Harry shot back with a smile just as sly. He squeezed Eggsy's
shoulder on his way to the mirror and unbuttoned his suit jacket. Harry was in
one of his comfortable suits that day, one meant for travelling and casual
attire--as casual as he ever got--but he wanted to look a little more relaxed.
"Okay then. Arcade sounds good to me. And you're quite right. No distracting me
until this is over." He gave Eggsy a pointed look, but the boy only looked even
cheekier about it.
"Not even a little bit? Not even by mistake? Ain't my fault if you get
distracted when I'm not tryin'," Eggsy mock-complained. "And there's no way
you're gonna get away with tellin' me I can't go swimming or use the hot tub.
No way. You're workin' but I'm gonna have a little vacation in this vacation."
He beamed back at the look Harry shot him, knowing full well that the
suggestion had just planted an image in the older man's head.
"If you do that, then you'd better have a good idea of what I'll want to do to
you when this is all over," Harry warned. He turned and advanced upon the boy
until Eggsy had to dance out of his way or risk getting caught, but Harry kept
heading for the door. He threw a smile over his shoulder and adjusted his
glasses. "Come on, best not waste time in enjoying this vacation. I'll
challenge you to a lively game of foosball if they have it." Harry winked and
opened the door, purposefully making it difficult for Eggsy to provide the
comebacks he might have liked to.
The boy huffed, letting Harry know just what he thought of such cheating, but
he wasn't truly put out. Bits and pieces of his former confidence were coming
back, a little bit more every day. A large part of it was helped by Harry
keeping his word and Eggsy's own sense of independence, if a limited sort; he
was still financially and socially dependent on Harry as his legal guardian,
but Harry was giving him his own income, space, and privacy. Eggsy had combed
over his room several times in a fit of paranoia, but no evidence ever surfaced
that Harry had gone back on his word and tampered with the room. Harry's
treating him like an adult didn't have the sense of being a ruse to lull him
into a flattered sense of security and pride this time, at least so it seemed
to Eggsy. Harry wouldn't have invited him along on a mission if he didn't think
him capable.
"What do I get if I win the game?" Eggsy asked as they stepped into the lift to
go down to the arcade.
"You are set on getting something out of me, aren't you?" Harry raised his
brows in mock disbelief. But Eggsy was looking at him back with his head tilted
up and eyes imploring, posture deceptively relaxed, and Harry sighed. "What
would you like if you win the game?" he asked instead, pandering to Eggsy's
playful challenge. Harry could imagine all sorts of answers, ones ranging from
having to test his skills on the difficult slopes to far more...personal debts.
With the way things were between them now, it was impossible to say what the
answer would be.
"For you to buy a couple things for me I ain't allowed to, yet," Eggsy replied
with a smirk. "You don't always tell me everythin'. It's not gonna be anything
dangerous, I can promise that much." Eggsy only grinned when Harry's brows rose
even further. Harry had had plenty of opportunities to be cryptic. Eggsy
thought it only fair the tables be turned and Harry be kept in a bit of
suspense while not knowing exactly what he was signing up for.
"You realise you're going to have to tell me when the time actually comes to
purchase these nebulous, illicit items, don't you? You're only delaying the
inevitable." But Harry removed his gaze from the boy and straightened. He knew
he'd done this to himself. Several ideas about what the boy might want entered
his mind. Harry had given him plenty of wine before, even beer on occasion, but
Eggsy might be interested in harder liquors, having only tasted them before.
Harry imagined the boy taking up smoking with a near wince at the memory of
Eggsy's gymnastics. And then there were...other adult materials. Ones Harry
didn't have time to contemplate as the door chimed and opened for them to
alight upon the ground floor. "Fair enough. It's a deal," Harry finally
answered, hoping he wouldn't regret it.
Eggsy gave a little fist pump of victory, a new bounce in his step and a
competitive glint in his eye. "Alright! Now we're talkin'. Hope you're ready to
get trounced. I'm gonna guess you haven't had time to practice this sort of
thing much, but I spent a lot of time at the community centre and foosball was
one of the few things you didn't need money for. I'm out of practice but
probably not by much."
"What have I gotten myself into?" Harry trudged along behind Eggsy, as much as
Harry ever trudged anywhere with his long legs, but he was beginning to see
that due to a certain amount of coincidence and opportunistic thinking on
Eggsy's part, he was about to be played.
They found the mini arcade busy, not uncomfortably so, and lucky for them most
of the lodge's patrons were occupying newer machines - racing games, air
hockey, and the like. They descended upon one of the two unoccupied foosball
tables in the corner, conveniently placed next to a large glass window to
dampen the sound coming from the game room, but avoid separating it completely
from the rest of the common area.
"Start us a round," Harry called to Eggsy and handed him a stack of change.
"You got it." The foosball table wasn't quite the same as the battered one
Eggsy remembered at the community centre near his mother's flat, and it wasn't
free like that one. Coins needed to be inserted into slots on a metal rack,
then pushed into the machine. It clicked, and the ball dropped into the pocket
on Eggsy's side of the table. He grabbed it and set it in the middle, casting a
wary look at Harry's arms. He had more practice, but Harry might be able to
switch more easily between the controls with his longer reach. "You ready?"
Harry raised his arms and loosened his jacket before gripping the handles and
facing off against Eggsy. "Ready."
And then they were off. Eggsy attempted to nail the shot from the very start,
and from some long distant childhood memory, Harry just managed to block it.
They dove back and forth across their respective sides, figures on the table
spinning like miniature whirlwinds. What they lacked in precision, they made up
in fervour, and even Harry had to be wary of not getting jabbed in the stomach
by Eggsy's flying handles. It wasn't more than thirty seconds before Eggsy
landed the first goal, however.
"That's one! How many rounds are we playin'?" Eggsy flashed a smile at Harry,
but only for as long as it took for the older man to retrieve the ball and
place it back at the starting point. He was determined to win, but not for the
sake of pride. Harry might have agreed to his wish if he simply asked, but
Eggsy felt easier with an edge of obligation there. It would feel less like
asking one more favour and more like Eggsy had earned it himself.
"However many you like," Harry laughed. "What do you say to best out of five?"
Harry knew they had time before they had to get back. Merlin and his staff
would be keeping an eye on their target's whereabouts and they had Harry's ear
whenever they wanted it. It was fortunate for him that he wasn't required to
record the whole of this mission from start to finish. Being in Eggsy's company
at certain points would have made that difficult.
They played a few more rounds, Harry winning one and then Eggsy picking up the
next. The boy hadn't been lying; he'd apparently put in his time with this
game.
Harry did his best and put up a good fight, but a few more rounds resolved it.
Eggsy grinned as soon as the last scoring shot hit and, strangely, looked
relieved as well as happy about his victory. "No hard feelings, right? You're
better'n me at a number of things for havin' more practice, only fair I have
the same. Should we go check out what to do for dinner or do you wanna hang out
here a bit more?"
"We can go take a look at the restaurant list, and maybe see where to rent
skis, but what I'm really curious to hear it what you just won." Harry
stretched and raised his brows at the boy, but all he got was that charming
twinkle of Eggsy's eye, one Harry wondered if he hadn't passed on to Eggsy
himself. "Or you can leave me in the dark until the time comes, I suppose, but
you know it's going to haunt the back of my mind now."
Eggsy stretched, ostensibly to ease his muscles after all the tension of the
game, but he knew full well how Harry's eyes would travel along the lines his
body made. "Dunno, that depends. You gonna be more distracted if I tell you, or
less? I told you I don't want you havin' no accidents while we're here, takin'
on black diamonds while you're busy thinkin' about other stuff."
Harry gave a long suffering sigh, but didn't try to hide his smile. "Alright
then, nevermind for now." He clapped his hand over the back of Eggsy's neck and
squeezed before letting the boy go. There was plenty he could convey through
casual touch. But Harry led the way out of the arcade and was determined to put
whatever this mysterious gift was at the back of his mind, where it belonged
for now.
They visited two of the adjoining restaurants to pick up menus for later. One
was Italian and the other sort of all around high-end European fare. When Harry
inquired, they were informed the rental shop was at the other end of the lodge,
but not far from the common area where skiers could easily come and go without
having to take off their winter clothing entirely.
"What do you say we pick up our skis while we have the time?" Harry asked.
"Yeah, sure. I'm not even sure what sort of stuff I'll be needin' this time. I
haven't done this since that... last trip we took together, which was a while
ago. I'm guessin' you need different ski lengths and stuff based on your height
and weight?" Eggsy didn't want to think back to the complexities involved in
his memories of those old vacation trips, before he knew who and what Harry
was. He was slowly healing, but that didn't mean he still didn't feel twinges
of the pain and anger that had later coloured those memories. He could remember
more of the good feelings now, but it still wasn't something he wanted to dwell
on at the moment. There'd be time for introspection later, like when he wasn't
vacationing in the middle of a real spy mission.
"Same basic equipment, unless you'd like to try snowboarding this time as well?
That might be interesting." Harry knew a lot of the kids Eggsy's age would
prefer boards over skis, and Eggsy might as well. It would give him access to a
lot of the smaller hills with jumps and rails to use, too, and there was a
chance Orlov's kids would be using the same. "We'll get both."
When they arrived at the rental office, they found the walls covered in rows of
skis, boards, coats, goggles, and other various equipment and a short line at
the desk where attendants helped customers find the sizes they needed and
answered questions.
"Yeah. I think I really wanna try boards this time. Looks a lot like
skateboardin', which I really missed. I also used to watch a bit of it when I
got a turn on the telly. More rugby and football than anythin' else, but
sometimes they played some kinda snowboardin' competitions." Eggsy stared at
the equipment spread out across the room, feeling more than a little
overwhelmed and taken back by just how many colours and varieties there were.
Some of the gear looked hideous, at least to the boy's eyes, but other
equipment looked like it had tumbled into real life from some fashion
designer's sketchbook or a high end sports magazine. Eggsy might end up wiping
out, but he'd look good doing it.
"Why don't you pick out something you like while we're waiting?" Harry asked,
scanning the equipment for himself. They already had all the clothing they'd
need besides boots, but he preferred to ski in style. Harry eventually found a
brand he remembered out of the corner of his eye and wandered over to inspect
further. Eggsy would have to be the boarder out of the two of them. Harry
figured he would simply look silly if he tried, but that wasn't going to stop
him from taking on any challenges either. His goal, however, was not to be out
on the hills with the Orlov family, only for fun.
Eggsy wandered through the rows of choices, looking up at each without knowing
much about what it meant. Style didn't mean effectiveness, after all. An edgy
design didn't mean it would cut through the snow in the right way, and so Eggsy
took a lot longer to make his choice, scrutinizing each board and watching what
other boarders picked.
It wasn't long before the line diminished and one of the attendants came over
to help them. Harry had his skis already picked out and found a similar pair
for Eggsy, but the boy had a lot of questions about the snowboards. They spent
some time deciding before finding one that matched Eggsy's size and was well
recommended on the hills popular for the sport, including the jumps.
Harry went to the counter to collect their boots and pay to use them over the
weekend, and was told he'd only need to drop them off at the end of their stay.
By the time they finished, they had their arms full.
"I forgot how heavy this stuff was" Eggsy groused as they struggled back
towards the common area. Harry might not be intent on going out right then, but
Eggsy was supposed to hit the slopes soon after they met their targets, and he
was already struggling under the weight. "If I break my leg on the slopes,
right, you're still gonna save me. Yeah?"
Harry laughed. "I'll swoop in whenever you need me. And it won't feel as heavy
once those boots are on your feet." They trudged across the room, passing
families with similar loads under their arms and a few in full gear warming up
among the tables and benches seated around the fireplace. Harry paused only a
moment when a voice in his ear announced the arrival of the Orlov family at the
check-in counter. He reached out to touch Eggsy's shoulder for his attention.
"Let's stop a moment, shall we?" Harry inclined his head to one of the benches
and sat down. "Our friends are here and I'd like to time this right."
"Yeah. Yeah, let's make sure everything fits right. I don't wanna carry this
all back up and find out it's wrong." Eggsy shuffled over to a bench, fussing
with the zippers and catches of the newly-obtained gear and assembling it as
best he could. He kept his focus on the task in front of him, aware all the
while of how Harry's attention was shifting sideways towards the figures just
entering the room near them.
Harry did not join in Eggsy's endeavour of trying on his own boots, but he took
the boy's skis so that he didn't have to deal with them when he stood back up
and moved around a little. "Looks good. Do they feel okay?"
A family with four young boys walked in at the other end of the room, most of
them fair haired and on the tall side, and looking around and carrying their
luggage like they'd just come in. Harry didn't look at them, but they were
almost definitely the Orlov family. They passed without incident before Harry
climbed to his feet.
"Yeah. Yeah, I think these ones are good. I'll find out on the slopes, but I
shouldn't have to trade 'em in I don't think." Eggsy flexed his toes and walked
around in the boots to try the fit, aware all the while of Harry's distracted
focus. When he risked a glance himself, the family didn't look out of the
ordinary at all. Eggsy had been expecting something to set them apart, but the
Orlov group looked much like any other family he had ever met. No sinister
scars, no cold eyes, no strange tattoos.
"Very good." Harry waited until they caught an elevator and then began to
follow. "We'll take these back to our room and then decide if we want to change
and hit the slopes or explore some more." Harry didn't waste any time in
hitting the call button when they stopped in front of the elevators, and
fortunately one arrived quickly.
A wave of chattering teens in full gear alighted before Harry and Eggsy stepped
in and began the ascent to their floor. Harry glanced at the boy and smiled,
but didn't say anything.
Eggsy smiled back, more confident now that he knew exactly what was going on.
He wanted to help, but he was also confident that Harry could handle whatever
this was, particularly since it wasn't an especially dangerous mission. All
he'd need to do was be himself, and he'd be enough of a distraction for the
kids of the family to help Harry out.
The doors slid open to their hall and Eggsy and Harry stepped out just in time
to see Mr. Orlov showing his children how to unlock the door with their key
cards. Harry strolled towards them and gave a polite smile and a nod as they
passed. Eggsy caught most of the boys' attention, being around the same age and
their eyes followed him, but it was their mother who smiled back warmly before
turning to her children when Harry stopped to unlock their own door a little
ways down the hall.
"Looks like there'll be plenty of kids here to play with," they caught her
saying while Mr. Orlov held the door and they all piled in with heavy bags in
tow.
Eggsy smirked as soon as they were safely sequestered inside the room. Harry
might have had practice not showing relief and glee at things going his way,
but the boy had no such experience. "Alright! Time to get the adventure on.
I've never done 'boarding before but I'm sure I'll get it down in no time.
How're we doin'?"
"That was enough for now. If they see us again, they'll recognize us and you
can say hello. And we'll see how things go today. It's very likely they might
go out on the hills right away and that would provide a good opportunity. But
if not, you can still go out and practise." Harry set their equipment down and
leaned the skis against the wall. He tapped his ear. "I'll be informed of their
whereabouts whenever they move now, and you should get used to wearing your
earpiece, too."
"Right. I might go out and get some practice in, then, until it's time for
dinner. Just let me know if you need me, yeah?" Eggsy grinned and grabbed the
pieces of gear he was going to need. If he was predicting right, he was going
to wipe out a good many times before he got the hang of his new board, which
meant he was going to be aching and starving in a few hours.
"Sounds good. Have fun, and try not to break anything." Harry watched Eggsy hop
out of his boots and begin to bundle himself up for the weather. He would have
liked to go with the boy, but knew he would most likely have to wait until this
was finished. "Let's test that earpiece before you go out there." Harry nodded
to Eggsy's pocket and waited for him to put it in. "Merlin, would you care to
do the honours?"
"Quite. Eggsy, can you hear me alright?" Eggsy cringed, and though the visual
transmitted from Harry's glasses, Merlin laughed quietly. "Not too loud, I
hope. I'll be keeping you up to date on what's going on and when you might need
to move. Galahad here will be doing all the hard lifting."
"Looks like you're good to go." Harry clapped a hand over Eggsy's shoulder,
hoping he'd be okay with Merlin's presence in his ear, even if the man often
kept quiet enough to let anyone on the other end forget he was there. "And
don't be afraid to ask for me if you need to find me. This is a closed channel.
You won't bother anyone else."
"Ah... alright." Eggsy glanced down at his booted feet, then up at Harry,
feeling slightly lost. He'd almost forgotten that missions meant Merlin peering
into their lives again, all-seeing and whispering in the background. "How do I
make the microphone work? Or does it do that automatically?"
"It'll work automatically until you take it out and press the button on the
back. Don't worry about causing too much noise or getting into conversation
with anyone. We can dial down the volume or switch it off on our ends if
needed. I will, however, try to keep the channel open in case you need
anything." Harry squeezed before letting Eggsy go. He offered the boy a smile,
hoping he'd find reassurance in it. "Go on. Have fun. Find some slopes to take
me on later."
"Oh, I will." Eggsy flashed Harry a smile that was oddly anticipatory, then
shouldered his board and turned towards the door. It was a struggle to get
himself and the board through the doorway quickly given the bulk of his snow
gear, but Eggsy managed, and managed to get the door shut behind himself.
Harry watched the door for a minute after he was gone, and then got up to begin
unpacking. His laptop and the USB stick he would need came out first, then the
day to day items he would rather not deal with later. After a bit of thought,
Harry pressed the menu on his glasses and switched to a direct channel with
Merlin.
"Arthur having any second thoughts about this mission?" He asked, unfolding
socks.
"Not as of yet, although you know he's nervous about involving a civilian. He
doesn't quite accept your boy yet as being the same as the other children in
the extended family, so to speak." Merlin's voice came in clear but quiet,
despite the small size of the earpiece. "However this mission progresses will
go a long way towards that acceptance, but I doubt it will ever be complete.
You know how he feels about recruits from other classes."
Harry hummed in acknowledgement. "I'll be sure not to mention that to Eggsy
until after the mission, but he seems to be handling everything well so far."
Harry had been worried about stressing the boy. He assumed Merlin might have
similar fears. Although Eggsy had proved on more than one occasion that he
could function very well under stress. Regardless of how this went down, Harry
was glad that Arthur was at least putting up with it even if the man grumbled.
"It will go fine. The mission is fairly straightforward and low-risk. If it
wasn't, you know damn well Arthur would never have agreed. Neither would you,"
Merlin added. "As much as you want to impress your young charge and seduce him
into this sort of life, you're overprotective. It's unlikely he'll encounter
anything more dangerous than being overambitious about the hills he can tackle
on this trip."
Harry snorted. "That's true. I could probably slip next door the moment they
leave and get this over with in the first day." Even if something went wrong
and Harry was found out, Artur Orlov would not be able to do much about it. Any
connection the man had to his associates was anonymous. The repercussions
Kingsman would see would certainly not be immediate. Eggsy would be perfectly
safe.
"Don't be careless and rash just because you want to join him on the slopes. Do
this right and there will be plenty of time for that sort of thing, and more,
as Arthur won't call you to task later for making a sloppy mess of it."
Merlin's voice came through clear and biting; he knew Harry well enough to be
perfectly familiar with his inclination towards daredevil antics, and how
augmented it would be with his young protégé nearby to watch. He knew, too, how
impatient Harry would be to get work done so he might have time to play.
Harry gave an exaggerated sigh. "Yes, yes, of course. I'll sit here patiently."
He sat down on one of the beds and opened up his laptop, intending to double
check that everything he'd need to copy Orlov's hard drive was ready to go. It
was, just as it had been when he'd left. Harry stood and found his wallet for a
spare bit of change and one of the audio bugs he kept on him. He activated it
and then headed to the door. "Might as well set up while I have the time."
Harry moved out into the hall at a casual pace, lingering to Orlov's side of
the hallway and palmed the tiny adhesive onto the corner of their doorway. He
didn't stop until he reached the vending machine at the end and purchased a bag
of pretzels.
"You'll be pleased to know Eggsy's reached the top of his first hill and is
suffering from a bit of nerves regarding his ability to reach the bottom with
his pride intact." Merlin's amusement showed through, and Harry could almost
picture it, with the boy peering down from behind his goggles and thick scarf
to the descent he had in front of him.
Harry chuckled and raised the volume on Eggsy's feed a little. All he could
hear was the boy's laboured breathing, but he didn't want to distract Eggsy
either so he kept himself muted. "You're right though, I can't wait to get out
there and enjoy a small vacation with him," he told Merlin.
Eggsy had been doing well at Harry's house. Nothing had been quite the same as
it once was, but it wasn't uncomfortable either. This was their first getaway,
even if it wasn't a true holiday.
"We'd best make careful haste, then, to ensure you have the time and
opportunity to make the most of it." Merlin's voice cut out as Eggsy's
breathing intensified. Harry could hear the slide of snow against board
faintly, and the rush of wind muffled by cloth. Eggsy's breathing was quick and
shallow, but as the seconds ticked by, there wasn't an uptick from panic or any
groans of pain. Moments more and the boy gave a small whoop under his breath;
he'd reached the bottom safely, his first success for his new attempt at a
different sport than he'd experienced before.
Harry smiled to himself and returned to his room, tossing the pretzels on the
table to be forgotten about. He pulled out his laptop and tuned into the
speaker feed from Orlov's room. He turned down both Merlin and Eggsy in order
to listen in. It sounded like the family was unpacking and making plans for
what they'd like to do first. As he'd expected, not all of them wanted to do
the same thing at once, however. Two of the boys wanted to go to the arcade,
another wanted to go out onto the slopes right away. Their parents went back
and forth on who should take whom, but the one thing they agreed on after a
while more of discussion was that they would have dinner later at the
restaurant they'd passed on the way in.
Harry made note of the expected time and determined that that might very well
be his first opportunity to gain access to the laptop.
Eggsy, meanwhile, was learning and gaining more confidence. Snowboarding was
very different than skiing, but not so very different from the sort of
skateboarding he was familiar with. The board was broader, his feet were locked
on, and the terrain was different than the concrete and tar he was used to, but
aside from that it was beginning to feel familiar. There were no wheels, just
the friction and powdery glide of the snow. Eggsy tried a few more trips down
the beginner slopes for snowboarding before he felt he was ready to step up a
bit.
He had the time to practise. Harry and Merlin remained silent in his ear for a
long time, presumably waiting for the Orlov family to do something interesting.
It wasn't until about an hour or so after Eggsy had gotten the hang of the
snowboard that Harry spoke up.
"Eggsy. Don't reply if you're within earshot of anyone, but how are you doing
out there? Liking the snowboard any better than skis yet?" Harry was using that
tone of casual conversation that usually meant he was about to ask something
once they got the pleasantries out of the way.
Eggsy paused and fiddled with his hat and goggles, looking around to be certain
he was alone. "Yeah. Kinda feels like the board is easier, at least for me.
Like skateboardin'. Doin' fine so far, how're you?" Eggsy was well aware that
Harry wasn't checking up on him out of interest or concern. More was going on.
This wasn't a regular vacation, and Harry's tone of voice would have been
different if it wasn't something serious.
"Afraid I got the boring end of things so far. I've set up audio surveillance
inside the Orlovs' room and I'll be sitting here for a while yet I'm sure,"
Harry answered, sounding like he'd resigned himself to it, "but two of the
older boys have left to get their skis and should be headed out your way soon.
You might want to see if you can pass them again, let them recognise you and
say hello, see if they're interested in making friends and spending time on the
slopes for a while. I might have an opportunity to get in tonight, but it's not
a sure thing."
"So I gotta switch to skiis? Dammit."
Eggsy cursed over the line, but not with true heat. He already knew what was
going on behind the scenes and how he was supposed to contribute. "Alright.
I'll head back in and switch out, see if I can't make some friends and keep 'em
out for a while. You let me know how things are goin'."
"I will. Hurry and you'll catch them in time." Harry smiled and listened to
Eggsy gliding down the rest of the hill before picking up his board. "You might
be able to convince them to switch, I might add. I overheard them talking about
skis versus snowboards, and they didn't sound very sold on their father's
preference for skis." It had been decided that their mother would accompany the
two boys, and Harry could only assume that she preferred skis as well, but
judging from her reaction when they'd passed in the hall earlier, she would
likely encourage her children to say hello if she saw Eggsy.
"That'd be great. I like both but I like the board better," Eggsy commented as
he trudged back towards the lodge. He was skimming back and forth between the
crowd in front of him; at some point the marks would cross his path, and he
didn't want to miss them and botch his one job of providing a distraction. All
he was tasked to do was keep the rest of the family preoccupied, and it
wouldn't look very good if he failed at his only job.
He had to go all the way up to their room to get his skis, but fortunately
there wasn't a line at the elevator and it didn't take long. When Eggsy opened
the door, he found Harry seated at the table with a drink and a laptop that
must have been patched into the video surveillance in the lodge. He glanced up
and offered Eggsy a smile. "Looks like you've been having a good time out
there." No doubt commenting on the snow stuck in Eggsy's hat and the redness of
his cheeks.
"Not as good as I could have been," Eggsy countered, giving Harry a crooked
smile of his own as he swapped out his gear. A quick dig in the suite's fridge
found a bottle of juice to patch up his energy, and the boy drained it quickly.
"It's missing something on the slide down. I suppose I'll have to look
elsewhere."
"There should be more than enough hills to try," Harry offered, indulgent and
warm, but his attention turned back to the cameras, specifically one that
looked like it was right outside the rental office. "Best hurry along now.
They'll be done any minute." He didn't sound rushed though. Harry never did.
Even in the mission logs Eggsy had watched, on ones ten times as dangerous as
this, Harry almost never sounded like he was under pressure. Annoyed sometimes,
brusque sometimes, even a little snarky on occasion, but almost never truly
troubled. Eggsy had only seen him that way once.
"Right. I'll be off, then." Eggsy tried not to take it personally, but it was
difficult not to. He wasn't used to not being the centre of Harry's focus, and
even if he knew the context, Harry's distraction felt neglectful. Eggsy clamped
down on the impulse to say something sharp, or give him a sight so unnerving
that he'd be forced to pay attention. "Let me know if anything comes up."
Harry glanced up again and this time he must have caught something in Eggsy's
posture or expression, but Harry didn't address it just then either. He pushed
his chair back and rose to his feet, coming over to Eggsy and bending down to
place his hands over the sides of the boy's face, warming his cold cheeks. "I
will. And don't worry. Just say hello and do what you can, and have fun. Be
yourself. Don't worry about me." Harry offered him a smile again before he let
Eggsy go.
Eggsy didn't move back after he was released. He moved forward, head ducked
downward, not stopping until his arms were around Harry's sides and his
forehead was resting against his chest. "I ain't gonna not worry about you. I
saved you once. I can't stop thinkin' 'bout it. And 'bout what happens if you
get in trouble again."
Harry's fingers clutched the back of his neck. "Well that's not going to happen
here, okay? Even if we're found out, even if the whole thing gets botched, this
man doesn't have the connections to do anything about it. The most he can do is
call the police, and if that happened, we'd be long gone before they arrive."
Harry rubbed his back and drew his chin up to look at him. "If anything
happens, I will get us out of here. Do you believe me?" The way Harry was
looking at him was imploring, but not judging.
"Yeah. I believe you about that." Not about everything, but about that much.
Eggsy was certain he wouldn't have been allowed to come if things were too
dangerous, or had too much weight riding on the consequences. The target
wouldn't have the power and means some of Harry's other targets would. "You
better not risk yourself past that, though. You get us out of here, not just
me."
Harry laughed softly. "I know. I'd rather not stick around either." Harry
squeezed Eggsy's shoulders and pulled back. He looked at the boy and then bent
to place a chaste kiss against his cheek. "Alright, then? Chin up. You get back
out there and before you know it we'll be done and can spend some time together
for fun. Might as well have a little in the meantime, too, if you can."
"You bloody well be careful or the mark and your boss are gonna be the least of
your problems, you hear?" Eggsy groused, frowning at Harry's attempts at
reassurance. None of it meant a thing, not if Harry failed to protect himself.
Eggsy had thought he'd been far more relaxed and confident during the duration,
but he found himself consumed by the worries of various possibilities.
"Believe me, I hear you," Harry sighed and straightened. "Now go on. It won't
help anything to stay here and worry." He had that tight smile that said he was
hiding most of his concern, but it was more for Eggsy's wellbeing than it was
any concern for the mission. Harry pulled these things off all the time,
although he wasn't reckless anymore, and he didn't seem to be out looking for
more danger than was called for, either. Not since Eggsy had come back into his
life.
The boy shot him a sharp look. Harry could hear him all too well. They were
agreed that Eggsy would do what was needed to keep people distracted, and that
Harry would keep himself relatively safe, but Eggsy's eyes spoke of a fight to
come. Harry was not off the hook just because he was being careful, or because
the mission was safer than usual. Any mission carried the risk of failure, and
Eggsy's expression plainly said failure was not going to be accepted.
Harry refrained from sighing, but only just. He held the boy's gaze until Eggsy
turned for the door and then watched the boy go, skis under his arm and leaving
a damp trail along the carpet behind him. Harry wasn't sure if they'd spent too
long already for Eggsy to find the Orlov boys easily, but he knew Eggsy would
try.
The boy's concern once things started to feel a little more real worried Harry,
just a little. Not in the sense that he thought Eggsy would try to back out, or
force Harry to, but having someone actively concerned for him during a mission
was distracting. And not in the pleasant way Eggsy had hinted at.
Chapter End Notes
     Thank everyone reading for being patient with our updates. They might
     be coming less often lately, but know that we are also very close to
     wrapping up this story.
     Join us 1/20 and 1/21 for the Friday and Sturday chats at the Dark
     Kingsman_Block_Party!
***** Chapter 56 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Eggsy was distracted. He felt slightly hazy as he wandered back downstairs,
glancing at the people around him in what he hoped was a circumspect way. The
point of having him help keep the family occupied was that it seem natural. If
Eggsy looked too nervous or pressed a bit too hard, Harry might not get his
opportunity to dig for information without notice.
The lift doors opened back on the main floor. Eggsy craned his neck to look
through the crowd, but he didn't see the other boys.
Merlin's quiet voice sounded in his ear. "The boys are with their mother just
outside, Eggsy. You'll find them putting on their skis over by the beginner's
hill."
The man had to be watching just like Harry was on the laptop in his room. The
surveillance of the lodge and the grounds probably didn't provide full
coverage, but it seemed that at least part of the area outside was within
Merlin's reach. When Eggsy looked to the big windows behind the common area, he
could see a lot of people out there putting on or taking off their skis, or
just standing around and talking as they came and went.
Eggsy had stiffened for a split second. He knew he'd probably hear Merlin and
Harry through the earpiece at some point that weekend, but he wasn't expecting
it right then. It was eerily clear, as if Merlin were right behind him. Eggsy
hefted his skis up a bit higher to cover for his ungainly pause and headed
towards the lodge door. He'd have to hurry if he wanted to catch the rest of
the family before they became too occupied.
"That's a little creepy, y'know that?" Eggsy muttered under his breath.
"Already was when I knew you could see me, but even more now I'm hearin' you
too."
"I do know that," Merlin responded, and if Eggsy wasn't mistaken, there was a
touch of amusement in his voice. But at the same time, Merlin had the same calm
professionalism that Harry had been exhibiting when he wasn't letting Eggsy
distract him. "I shall try not to interrupt when you're around people."
When Eggsy stepped outside, he didn't catch sight of them right away. He'd only
seen the family twice and both times were in passing. He walked a little
farther, glancing at the faces of the people around him as well as any familiar
coats. It was the mother he caught sight of first. Her hair was a dark blond
and she hadn't pulled it back, although it was now half covered under a thick
hat. She leaned over two boys, one standing off to the side a little in a
bright red hat who looked around Eggsy's age and already had his skis on, the
other a bit younger, who was being helped by their mother to keep his balance
while he stepped into the mechanism to lock the ski into his boots.
Eggsy drew up close by - not close enough to crowd them, but enough that he
knew he'd be spotted and would catch the family's attention. In a few moments
he'd find out just how much he remembered about skiing, but at the least, he
did remember how to easily snap his skis on while keeping his balance. "Um...
'scuse me, do you know how you tell the ratings on these hills? I've been told
some of these are harder than they look."
The mother looked up and the moment she saw Eggsy, her face brightened.
Clearly, she was a friendly sort of person, or just very used to being a mum.
"Alexei, have you got the maps?" she asked her son, voice coloured in a light
Russian accent. The older boy looked at Eggsy and then dug through his coat
pockets. "They have signs at the top of the trails, but you'll be better off
looking at the map before you go up that far. Here, you can have one of ours."
She held out the map the boy handed to her for Eggsy to take. When he reached
for it, the light of recognition caught her eye. "Aren't you just down the hall
from us?"
"I think so? I thought I saw you all earlier, but I wasn't sure. There are a
lot more people here than I expected. It's my first time," Eggsy explained.
"Here, anyways. I've gone on skiing trips before, but it's been a while so I
don't know how much I remember. I'm gonna guess you're new too, if you've got
maps of the place?"
"Oh yes, it's our first time, too, although I think we'd still need the maps
even if it wasn't," she laughed. "Alexei, Dmitry, say hello. I'm Elena."
The two boys awkwardly said hello, but it was clear most of the discomfort was
because of their mother doing the talking for them. The younger of the pair,
Dmitry, whom she'd been helping into his skis, pulled away from her and dug his
poles into the snow, not wanting to be seen leaning on his mother in front of a
new kid.
"Mama, are you gonna stay with us the whole time?" the older boy, Alexei asked,
shifting impatiently.
"Until you can prove you aren't going to break your leg, I am," she said and
then looked back to Eggsy. "Why don't you boys go together? If you're not here
with anyone?" It was obvious she was trying to make friends for her sons, but
fortunately for Eggsy, the boys didn't look put out by it.
"Just my dad." Eggsy scuffed one ski awkwardly back and forth in the snow. He
didn't know yet what sort of behaviour to adopt - Elena would find a certain
amount of polite shyness appealing and be more likely to include him, but too
much and the other boys might not want to hang out with him once their mother
turned them loose. "He was gonna come out with me, but then a work client
called, so he told me to go ahead and he'd catch up later. I'm Jim, by the
way."
"Well it's good to meet you, Jim." She smiled and looked to her two sons. "You
boys stay on this hill, okay? Just until you get the hang of it."
They both agreed, nodding and giving their assent vigorously, clearly just
wanting to go. But when Elena finally set them free, Alexei turned to Eggsy
without any further encouragement.
"Have you done this hill before?" he asked, his accent thicker than his
mother's, but still clearly understandable. The hill in question was the first
beside the lodge and meant mostly for beginners. Up a little farther was the
area for the snowboarders with their jumps and ramps, and to the side was the
lifts for both.
Eggsy shook his head, moving with them towards the lift. "Not this one, since
it's my first trip here, but I've done ones kinda like this before. I'm not new
to skiing, but I haven't gotten so much practice that I know for sure all the
hill types I can handle. Or what the difference is with different types of
snow, that kinda thing. Have you both skied a lot before?"
"We have," Alexei gestured towards Dmitry. "Our brothers haven't."
"Not as much," Dmitry cut in. "They came with to Alpbach last year, but they
just do the easy hills."
"That's all you did last year," Alexei shot back, but Dmitry was quick to
defend himself.
"That's not true! I was doing red hills by the last day. Even you saw."
This was clearly normal banter between the brothers. Alexei didn't bat an
eyelash at his brother's chastisement and Dmitry didn't look put out by the
jab. It was the same kind of banter Eggsy had known from kids back at the
estates and sometimes when he'd lived on the street.
Alexei turned to him next. "What's the best you can do?"
"Green and most blues. I think I did a red once, but my dad was with me and
coaching me through it. Sounds like you've got more practice'n me." Eggsy
shrugged and kept a straight face, but he knew the other boys would be pleased
to hear it. Nobody liked getting shown up by a stranger, and now they had
something to tease him about, if they wanted. Or to challenge him and turn
things into a competition, daring him to catch up to their skill and beat them.
Eggsy was right. That put him squarely at their level and he neither received
any disparaging comments about it nor did the other boys look like they thought
he was worth leaving behind because they could do better. Conversation turned
out not to be difficult between them as they arrived at the lifts and caught
one wide enough to seat three on the way up. The Orlov boys had a touch of
nervousness, Eggsy could tell, even if they didn't admit it, and for once Eggsy
looked like one of the cool kids with his new clothes and gear.
"Does your family get to take lots of trips together? Do you mostly do skiing,
or have you done some other things? I don't get to get out of London too often,
but I like to mix things up a bit. Rock climbin', hikin', raftin', all kinds of
stuff." Eggsy kept very still as the lift took them higher. The last thing he
needed was to mess up and lose a piece of gear, or worse still, fall off. He
didn't want to look like a fool in front of Alexei and Dmitry.
"Yeah we get to go on lots of trips. Or more like one big one and then just
small stuff. It's been skiing the past two years now, and I want to try
snowboarding instead." Alexei seemed to be the more talkative of the two, or
maybe it just seemed that way because he was older, but Dmitry tried to jump in
where he could. It worked out well for Eggsy. Alexei seemed like he might not
have wanted to spend the whole time with his brother, and Dmitry seemed happy
to have someone else to talk to and vie for his attention.
Their lift ride wasn't long, and they all just managed to slide off in time
without falling over. Not bad for not having practised in a while, in the case
of the other two boys.
"I wanna try that, too. Maybe we could check that out later," Eggsy offered.
"It looks a lot like skateboarding, and that's something I got a lot of
practice with. I'm hoping it's sorta like skateboarding on snow, kinda. Have
either of you ever gone to a skate park?"
They moved as a group towards the start of the hill. Even as they got close to
the edge, Eggsy thought it didn't look bad at all. He shouldn't need to worry
about falling on his face.
"Nah, haven't done much skateboarding, but it still looks cool." Alexei said.
"I got one of those regular snowboards for the hill by our house. Not like the
pro ones, but I'm hoping I can get one." If Eggsy wasn't mistaken, it sounded
like he was trying to sound more experienced, which wasn't a bad sign so long
as Eggsy could keep up.
Far down the hill in the distance they could see Elena in her big blue jacket,
probably waiting for them to make their first run down the hill before she felt
comfortable enough joining in.
Alexei looked down the slope and grinned. "Ready?"
"More than ready. Let's go!" Eggsy tugged his hat down a little farther and
shoved off with a brief whoop. Thankfully it seemed like he remembered how to
ski very well, even after a long time without practice. He was rusty, but he
hadn't gone back to square one, and the snow felt familiar and manageable. More
than - light and powdery and perfect.
He heard the other boys following behind him and even caught a glimpse once or
twice, but he had to pay attention on the way down. There were other people
scattered around, most heading down with him, and quite a few groups gathered
together at the bottom. He only had to be careful about not running into any of
them when he finally slid to a halt at the end.
Alexei came up not far behind him, breathing hard and laughing, exhilarated at
their first run. Dmitry came in a few seconds later, having widened his stance
to slow his descent, probably a little less certain than his brother was.
"Want to go again?" Alexei shouted and made straight for the lift. Both boys
waved to their mother as they passed, but didn't want to stop.
"Yeah!" Eggsy thought a few more runs would help him get his bearings again,
scraping the rust off his skills. He'd be prepared when the brothers finally
wanted to up their game and tackle the more difficult hills. Eggsy stopped
beside Alexei and the two of them waited for Dmitry to catch up so they could
all take the same lift to the top again. "That wasn't too bad, other than a bit
crowded. I guess that's to be expected, with a bunch of people just startin' to
learn on the easier hills."
"There probably won't be so many on the others. This one's right by the lodge,
too," Alexei agreed as they got in line.
Dmitry took out his map and opened it up for them to see the whole of the trail
system. It was expansive, covering the mountains all around the town and the
middle. Some of the trails would take a long time to travel up to, but there
were plenty of slopes they could start with, and most of the ones close to the
lodge were easier. "Where do you guys want to go next?"
"Maybe out a little further. Not too much, not to where they get really hard,
but we can try something a bit tougher and with less people on it. I don't want
to have a long walk back to warm up if things get cold, though." Eggsy glanced
at the two boys. "You prob'ly haven't gotten a chance to try much inside the
lodge yet, right? I saw an arcade, and a bunch of people getting hot chocolate
and cider and things at the one little cafe."
"I think our brothers went to go to the arcade, so we might stop by there
later," Dmitry informed Eggsy.
"You can come if you want," Alexei added. "We don't have to be back until it
gets dark though."
They reached the end of the line and caught the lift again, and their
conversation carried on all the way up to the top of the hill. The three of
them went down that slope half a dozen times before they decided they had
enough practice to move on. Harry and Merlin remained silent in Eggsy's ear,
although the earpiece was as snug as ever.
Eggsy never forgot they were there, either. For once... just that once, it felt
a bit comforting. Still creepy, of course, but he'd know if anything went
wrong. He'd know if something happened to Harry, and Harry would come and get
him if he himself got in over his head. Eggsy didn't think he'd get stuck on
one of the slopes or break a leg, but he was still worried the other boys might
detect something amiss about him. He'd begun to figure out something was
strange with Harry, after all, and Harry was very practiced at fooling others.
It didn't seem that Alexei and Dmitry found anything strange so far, however,
and Eggsy proved to be good at keeping up conversation. Their travel a little
farther up the trails was actually kind of fun. At least the other two boys
seemed to be enjoying their time. They didn't see Elena or the younger brothers
though, and for how long they stayed out on the hills, Eggsy could only assume
that she went on some trails by herself and they stayed inside. He could only
guess what Mr. Orlov was doing, but judging by the silence from his earpiece,
he assumed Harry and Merlin were still waiting.
Hopefully the wait wouldn't be too long. Eggsy did want to spend some time
together with Harry at the resort, not just serving as a distraction while
worrying about whatever mission Harry was on. He was having fun skiing with the
two boys, but he was also aware that it was all a ruse. They weren't really
friends, Eggsy couldn't truly relax, and eventually they'd say their goodbyes
and he'd never see or talk to the other boys again.
They started to tire not long before the sun began to descend. The boys agreed
that they'd try one more hill and then go in for the night. Eggsy had been out
much longer than they had although they didn't know it, but he'd managed not to
show it until everyone started to feel the fatigue.
It wasn't long after that when Eggsy finally heard a voice in his head. It was
on their way up the lift, and fortunately not while he was on his way down a
hill and needed to concentrate, but it was Harry this time. "Eggsy," he began,
tone smooth and reassuring, "Don't say anything, I know you're with the others
right now, but I wanted to let you know you've done well. I've been listening
for a while, and if you'd like to hit the arcade with them when you're back,
you can go ahead, but you don't have to. I don't think I'm going to get the
opportunity I've been waiting for tonight, regardless."
Eggsy's expression barely flickered, and luckily the other boys didn't notice.
Rather than take on a much harder challenge when they were all tired out,
they'd agreed to stick to one of the easier ones. They'd moved back a bit
closer to the lodge, but the hill was still fairly deserted; the other guests
were also starting to feel tired and the temperature was starting to dip.
Everyone would be migrating back towards the lodge's restaurant, or one of the
many places in town offering dinner.
"One more time!" Alexei shouted, letting his voice echo through the trees. He
grinned at Eggsy and Dmitry, but it was evident how tired he was compared to
when they'd started.
They all got into position, made sure the trail was clear, and then took off
one after another. The wind might have been getting a little chillier as it
whipped against the barrier of Eggsy's jacket, pulled up above his mouth to
keep warm, or maybe it was just a sign of how long he'd been out. Dmitry had
gotten more comfortable and he sped along just as fast as Eggsy and Alexei now.
Eggsy lagged a bit in his skills. He was cold, and tired, more so than the
other boys from being out for so long. He wanted to be back inside, warm and
with a chance to get some food inside of him, and possibly more. He'd already
seen the arcade and had enough of the other boys for one day. They weren't
really friends, and would never be.
Eggsy's skis slipped easily over the snow, cutting lines back and forth as
Alexei and Dmitry joined him in zipping down the hill. The coming evening made
everything all the prettier, but Eggsy was too cold and hungry to really care.
He wanted a turn in the fancy jacuzzi he'd seen in their rented room.
When they finally reached the bottom, the boys were panting hard, but laughing.
To Eggsy's surprise, and the high spirits of the Orlov boys, Alexei slid over
and gave him a high five. "Man, I am beat," the other boy said just as Eggsy
and Dmitri caught the familiar silhouette of a woman standing up at the lodge,
illuminated more prominently with the sun setting and the lodge lights behind
her. She had caught sight of them and was waving.
"Looks like mama wants us to come in," Dmitri observed.
Alexei turned around and caught sight of her, too, and waved. "You want to come
back to the arcade with us?" he asked Eggsy.
"I would, but I had a pretty long flight and everything before I got here,"
Eggsy lied. "Maybe tomorrow? I think I'm just gonna get dinner and crash for
the night. Let me know if there's anything good to play in the arcade later,
yeah?"
They said their goodbyes for the night, already looking forward to the next day
of play and adventure. Eggsy felt exhausted as he trudged up toward the room,
but he kept a smile on his face just in case, all the way to the door where he
swiped his key card. Only once he was safely inside did he drop the act and let
his shoulders slump. Piece by piece, he stripped out of his gear and hung it up
to dry and air out.
It was only a minute before Harry appeared in the hall, leaning one shoulder
against it and letting his hands sit casually in his trouser pockets. There was
a quiet smile resting on his face. "You look tired."
Behind him, Eggsy could see where Harry had set up his work at the desk. His
laptop and a few notepads were open and a mug of tea sat beside them. Judging
from the amount of crumpled notes and other odds and ends that had been moved
around the spot, Harry had likely been bored sitting there for a while.
"Yeah. I would've been fine if I started on the slopes the same time as them,
but I didn't. I'm starving," Eggsy complained. "And I could really do with one
of those fancy massage baths. It'd be better if you were with me, but I know
you're workin' and all. But maybe you could take a break for dinner?" Eggsy
didn't know what he wanted first, food or to wash off. Both at once would be
best, but impractical.
Harry's smile widened, fond and amused. "Merlin can watch over the feeds while
I take a break for dinner," he agreed. "Artur is catching up on some work
inside their room and he likely won't be done any time soon. I'm afraid his
family will have returned from their activities by then, so I think I can get
away with it." He pushed away from the wall and went to Eggsy. "Come here."
Harry's hands caught his shoulders and gently massaged the tired muscles
underneath. "Why don't you get changed and we'll go for dinner, then you can
have a bath and I'll give you a massage before bed. What do you say to that?"
"That sounds fantastic," Eggsy murmured, voice slightly muffled as his forehead
fell against Harry's sternum. He was remembering just why he'd missed Harry so
badly, for his own emotional reasons and more. That, and the surprise he'd yet
to spring on the man from his lost bet. The thought made him nervous, but he
couldn't fathom that Harry would be upset or displeased. He seemed to want
Eggsy's attention as much as Eggsy did his. "What's the menu like downstairs? I
really want something like a nice steak, or a big fish fry, or something with a
bunch o' protein innit."
"Steak sounds good to me. I took a look at the all-around European restaurant
and I think they'd have a decent selection." Harry's hands moved lower on
Eggsy's back, finding all the tired muscles he hadn't known he'd been using
until Harry's fingers gently dug in. Gradually, he worked his way back up to
card them through Eggsy's hair before finally letting him go. "Alright then.
Merlin, do you think you can keep an eye on our Mr. Orlov for an hour or so?"
Merlin's voice sounded back from both of their earpieces, eerily close and
clear as if he was in the room with them. "Affirmative. I'll alert you if
anything looks to be going off track. Enjoy your dinner together. Galahad, I'll
give you an update afterwards."
Eggsy's eyes widened, and he turned towards Harry. "How d'you get used to that?
It's like havin' a ghost followin' you around. You don't get nothin' to
yourself because you're always haunted an' gonna get an opinion in your ear."
Harry chuckled. "That's trust, I suppose." He went to straighten his tie and
find his jacket. "There are times when Merlin might as well be my own voice in
the back of my head. So long as our objectives align, it works." He looked a
little more subdued when he turned back to Eggsy, tie straightened and glasses
now in place. "It doesn't have to be something you need to get used to," he
amended, reaching for his jacket and pulling it over his shoulders. Harry was
going to look nice for dinner on vacation, but the restaurants they'd seen on
their way in were fairly up scale and he probably wouldn't be the only one.
Eggsy tried to change into something suitably nice. He never felt as confident
in the aftereffect as Harry felt - always the pretending outsider, always the
fake who never knew the unspoken rules. Harry never minded or said anything,
but Eggsy felt the weight of the eyes that turned towards him.
Eggsy couldn't imagine someone else playing his internal voice, although he
could now start to imagine how Harry might get there. If he constantly heard
the same voice pointing things out, getting him out of trouble, giving him pep
talks, providing support and validation, Eggsy supposed he might count upon
that voice and who it was attached to.
Harry waited patiently for Eggsy to finish and when he had, just like always,
Harry's eyes lit up to look at him. The smile was back, too, as Harry rose from
the bed and brushed his hand along Eggsy's shoulder. It seemed Harry was really
enjoying this, having Eggsy there with him on a mission. It was one of those
things that had always been off limits before, and possibly one Harry might
have been uncertain about early on. Harry still had had things to hide back
then, but he seemed to like being able to let Eggsy in on this now that all
that was out of the way.
They made their way back down to the lobby together, passing other kids and
families along the way, some running and playing like Eggsy and the Orlov boys
had been acting on the slopes earlier while adults gathered in small circles to
chat over drinks at the lounge tables. Harry took them to the European
restaurant and they were led to their table without a wait.
Eggsy sank gratefully into the plush chair. He was still sore from using
muscles he normally didn't have to use, and the break was a relief. Harry let
him pick out an appetizer, given how hungry he was from a day out on the
slopes, and Eggsy let his mind drift. Voices crowded around him in a low
murmur, as with any restaurant, but Eggsy paid no attention. They didn't
matter.
Harry looked perfectly comfortable in this environment, seated across from him
with hands folded neatly on the table. When the appetizers arrived before their
order, Harry even indulged in a few himself. He'd ordered bourbon on the rocks
and was sipping it lightly as they waited. Eggsy had noticed from the old
footage, but apparently it was true that having a drink or two on the job was
not a problem.
Mostly, however, Harry seemed content to let Eggsy relax. "So how do you feel
about the Orlov boys?" was the only question he asked.
"They're nice. Not really entirely my type, but nice." Eggsy shrugged. "They're
like anyone else, I guess. Like competin'. Don't like bein' embarrassed.
Younger brother always is keepin' an eye on what the older is doin' and tryin'
to keep up so he seems cool. They're just normal, y'know? If they weren't from
another country and speakin' with an accent, I wouldn't know any different. But
I guess that's how it is with most people, right?"
Harry inclined his head. "Remember, everyone has their secrets. Some have more,
some have bigger ones, but even normal people have them. Sometimes they stumble
into secrets a little bigger than they started out with, or we wouldn't be here
otherwise." The boys had no idea what their father was up to though. "The
might, however, be a little too normal for your tastes, considering what you're
used to." Harry's lip twitched.
"Yeah, considering," Eggsy agreed with no small amount of sarcasm colouring his
voice. His mother had had secrets. Each boyfriend had had secrets. Harry had
been full of the most secrets of all, and then Eggsy had gone off and lied to a
number of people in his quest to keep himself safe. For Eggsy, it wasn't
strange to think that a major figure in his life might be up to more than was
readily apparent, but for Alexei and Dmitry, it might be so. "They don't know,
I'm gonna guess. They're like how I used to be?"
Harry nodded. "All signs suggest no one in the family knows. Not even their
mother. He's in it for the money, not any ulterior motives other than that."
Harry shrugged. "He may think very carefully about what happens after this
trip, decide whether it's worth it to continue, but for now he's only doing it
to impress his wife and his kids. Take them on holidays such as this...." Harry
looked around the restaurant. "All things considered, it's not a terrible
motive. But it does create awkward secrets."
"Do a lot of people do that? Just do it for money?" Eggsy imagined that the spy
business would be lucrative, but also dangerous and restrictive. Business
people were gone all the time, so that wasn't unusual, but it was strange to
have tons of security and always be afraid about who might stop by the flat or
house. "Seems weird that their mom doesn't know."
"It's one of the most common reasons people get into things like this. The need
to get ahead in the world, the need to be competitive, to provide well for
one's family, to be admired by one's peers. Once you get in and get going, it's
hard to get out." Harry quieted as he caught sight of their server heading
their way with plates in hand. He thanked the man and they were left alone
again. Harry had ordered the steak after all, and it smelled delicious, but he
was watching Eggsy fondly as received his own plate, no doubt amused at how
hungry he was.
Eggsy had a difficult time concentrating on the conversation with hot food in
front of him. It was still growing, and also worn out from a day on the slopes.
Even with the appetizers, he made quick work of his steak, and the waiter had
to keep coming back to refill the bread basket. "Do they ever really get out,
though? Doesn't seem like that's the sort of thing where you can just quit and
move on to somethin' else."
"Depends on what they get into and how far into it they get. Our friend could
get out after this if he wanted to. It's very possible he'll be forced out
without further repercussions once they find out what happened. If he's smart,
he'll realise how lucky he is in the end." Harry couldn't keep up with Eggsy's
pace, but he didn't try either. He ate his steak and looked on as Eggsy
destroyed everything in his path. Harry could not, however, hold the amused
smile back at seeing such a display. At least Eggsy's manners were better than
what they had once been.
"Yeah, but how common is that, compared to the ones that just croak?" Eggsy was
fishing, but not only for information about the spy world. This affected him
directly. If Harry wouldn't be allowed to retire, then he would die on a job.
One day he'd go off on a mission and simply never come back. "Do they ever let
anyone retire, or do they just stay on forever until they have an accident? I
mean, that'd explain the grumpy old bloke."
"It completely depends on the organization, although I would say most do if
they live long enough. However, if one does retire, one is expected to keep
one's mouth shut thereafter. So perhaps I should say it is the loyal who are
allowed. In Arthur's case, the job is his life. He'll never retire if he can
help it." Harry finished his drink and laid his napkin down, plate finally as
clean as Eggsy's. He gave Eggsy a considering look. "I would have it better
than most, as would most knights, were I ever to make that choice."
Spotting their plates cleared, their server descended upon the table again to
offer Harry another drink, but he declined and paid the bill instead.
Eggsy nodded, but his expression said it all. He was relieved, and that told
Harry a good measure of his attachment and how far ahead he was thinking. Eggsy
clearly wasn't considering the long game for himself. He was surreptitiously
inquiring about Harry, and what his prospects were for living a full and safe
life once he was done with his work in the field.
Once their server deposited the final receipt and Harry signed for his payment,
they both stood and made their way back to the elevator. Other patrons flowed
around them, some returning to their rooms as they were, others going to the
adjacent bars and club rooms for merriment and conversation, and latecomers
filling the emptied seats in the various restaurants once space opened up.
Eggsy glanced at Harry, but he didn't dare move any closer while security
cameras might be watching.
Once they reached their room, Harry stretched and then looked Eggsy up and
down. "How about you take that bath while I check in on the Orlovs?"
Merlin had been silent over the course of their dinner, so it was likely
nothing of significance had happened, but Harry still had his duties. He
removed his coat and went back to the computer, logging in while loosening his
tie. Out their window, the sun had gone down already and it wouldn't be long
before the sky was completely dark. Their view was quite a sight, however. They
could see the hill Eggsy had been out on in the distance, lit up with bright
lights and dotted with a few skiers in spite of the late hour.
Eggsy took out his earpiece and slowly stripped down, leaving one garment after
another on the bathroom floor. He wasn't out of shape by any definition of the
term, but skiing made use of muscles he didn't use on a regular basis. He
ached, in his legs and in parts of his back, and when the tub was full of jets
of warm water Eggsy sunk into it with a pleased sigh. After a day of skiing and
cold and concentrating on keeping his marks distracted and out of the way, a
luxurious bath was a welcomed perk.
He'd been in the water for maybe five or ten minutes before there came a knock
at the door. Eggsy hadn't closed it all the way, so Harry only hesitated while
gently pushing it aside until he caught Eggsy's attention.
"Mind if I come in?" Harry asked. He was carrying one of the pristine white
towels that had been left in the closet. "I believe I offered to give you a
massage. Thought this would be a good place to start while you're relaxing." He
laid the towel over the side of the tub and sat down on it, rolling up his
sleeves. In spite of the obvious places the offer could lead, Harry looked like
he was suggesting nothing more than what he said.
"Yeah, it's fine." Eggsy didn't truly mind. If Harry had more nefarious
purposes or intentions, Eggsy thought he certainly would have gone about things
in another way. Not respectful. Not minding everything that had happened
between them and Eggsy's sense of privacy and independence. Harry wasn't there
to intrude and sneak a peek, although he'd undoubtedly do the latter. The offer
was real, and so was the sense of respect and affection. "It's ok for you to
take a break? With you bein' on the job and all."
"For a short while, yes. Half the Orlovs are back in their room and have been
for some time now." Harry beckoned Eggsy over to him where Eggsy could sit on
the ledge and rest his arms against the side adjacent where Harry sat to allow
Harry access to his back and shoulders. In spite of the water being so hot,
Harry's hands weren't cold when they ran down the back of his neck and pressed
over his shoulders. Harry's fingers started out with lighter touches, letting
Eggsy get used to the feeling of fingers slowly massaging into the muscles that
were only starting to loosen up. "You're going to be sore tomorrow," Harry
commented and Eggsy didn't need to look to know the man was wearing a fond
smile.
"Yeah, well, that's what happens when you do stuff you're not used to. Dmitry
and Alexei are gonna be too." Eggsy sank into the touches, only then just
becoming aware of how much tension remained that wasn't being unravelled by the
heated water. He glanced up, smiling fondly at the bit of hair that had escaped
Harry's sleek, controlled image. "I do alright keepin' em distracted?"
"Very much so." Harry smiled crookedly. "It's not easy to keep a family of four
children occupied, but you managed a very good start. If the other boys go out
tomorrow, and I think they will, I may have the opportunity I need." Harry's
hands worked their way down Eggsy's back, lower and lower, forcing him to relax
the way he was seated and lean into the edge even more. Harry spent long
minutes on his lower back, but didn't descend any farther than that. "Think
you'll be up to it for another day?"
"Yeah. I think I can do it, no problem. I've skated harder," Eggsy bragged. He
had in truth, but the slopes were much steeper than a ramp, and there was much
more of a risk of breaking something than getting scraped up and bruised
skating. Pride was on the line though, and future opportunities. Eggsy wanted
to be included in this part of Harry's life, and that meant not messing up.
"You're gonna owe me once it's all done though."
Harry's smile turned a touch wry. "I already do owe you." He reached up and ran
his fingers, warmed by the water, through Eggsy's hair gently, almost
playfully. "You're aiming to rack up quite a lot after this trip, aren't you?"
His hands moved to Eggsy's sides, gradually climbing up to his ribcage. Harry
was firm, and careful not to tickle. He still had no idea what Eggsy had been
up to at the arcade earlier.
The boy grinned. "Damn right, I am. I'm gonna have you wrapped all around my
fingers. Not that you're gonna mind, but you're gonna be mine after all this.
's gonna be nice gettin' spoiled." Eggsy leaned back, content to get pampered
and certain that a lot more would be coming his way. He'd won his bet, after
all.
Harry narrowed his eyes. "You make me worry at the sound of that." He sounded
suspicious, but the worry was more put-upon than anything. Eggsy could tell by
the curl at the corner of his mouth. He worked his way up to the back of
Eggsy's neck and watched with quiet satisfaction as Eggsy's head tilted back
into the touch. "You're going to develop a taste for plotting things like this
if I'm not careful."
"Who says I don't already got a taste? I got taught by the best, y'know," Eggsy
protested. It was difficult to think with fingers carding through his hair and
circling his neck and spine. The boy imagined lips in place of fingers and it
became even more of a task to organize his thoughts. "Like you ain't mine
already. We both know you are."
Harry gave a soft snort, then bent to kiss the top of Eggsy's head, the only
place where he wouldn't get wet. "Yes, yes. I should leave you to your
plotting," he teased, but Harry did have to get back to work. Even if that work
was just sitting in front of a computer, waiting for the right moment. He spent
another lingering minute on Eggsy's shoulders and neck, before he sighed.
"Alright. I best be getting back to it. Come keep me company when you're
ready?" He slid off the towel and used it to dry his hands. It was funny, but
Harry looked as happy to have given Eggsy that massage as Eggsy had felt to
receive it.
"Yeah, I'll be out in a bit to distract you from all that serious work, just by
sittin' in the same room." Eggsy had packed well. He had his laptop and his
Gameboy with a pack of games and spare batteries, and the room had a telly with
all kinds of channels. He wasn't going to be bored, although he was so tired
out from a day racing around the outdoors that he might very well fall asleep
soon.
"You got me. Truly living on the edge, here." Harry chuckled and hung up the
towel as he went to the door. He glanced back for one last look at Eggsy,
taking in the way the boy was relaxing against the jets of water, and finally,
with a smile and a sigh, allowed himself to leave.
Harry left the door the way he'd found it, closing it only slightly, and Eggsy
heard his soft footsteps pad across the room back to his desk no doubt. Harry's
soft murmur came a moment later, but he sounded relaxed and unworried as he
caught up with Merlin.
Eggsy reflected on the strangeness of it all. He'd been startled by Merlin's
voice, earlier, but he'd expected to feel angry. That's what he'd felt all
along, after all - anger that Harry trusted and liked him, that he got to see
so much of Eggsy’s private life and of Harry's. That he was there on missions
when Eggsy wasn't, knew things that Eggsy didn't. He'd expected to feel nothing
but resentment, but the voice in his ear had felt natural on the slopes,
guiding him towards what was needed and telling him what wasn't.
Harry sounded as casual as Eggsy had ever heard him in the other room. It was
too muffled to make out more than a few words unless he really tried, but from
what he could tell, Harry sounded somewhat tired, and he and Merlin were
talking about nothing in particular. Just keeping each other company over a
long stakeout. One that Eggsy was invited in on this time.
Eggsy got curious and, if he would admit it to himself, jealous. He got up out
of the warm and comforting water streams and dried himself off with the nearby
towels, then wrapped a robe around himself and crept near the door. He hadn't
gotten to listen in to a live conversation between the two men often before.
It sounded like Harry was yawning. "No, I know that's not how you cook a
brisket, but that's the way I like it. I don't think I've smoked anything since
I took that cooking class years ago. I'd rather not attempt it again." It was
not what Eggsy was expecting. If he had his earpiece he might have been able to
catch Merlin's end of the conversation. Harry listened for a bit and then
groaned, objecting to something Merlin said. "I have to say I prefer the
prosecco," Harry countered. "No, I know, but it doesn't matter."
Eggsy remembered the time they'd shared the drink, and he smiled. He couldn't
remember Harry smoking anything during the times he was serving dinner. Other
things, but never smoked meat. Eggsy wished he could hear the rest of the
conversation. Whatever Merlin was saying was evidently meant for Harry's ears
alone, which meant the boy was all the more keen to listen in.
Harry went on in that vein for a while, casually arguing back and forth with
whatever Merlin was saying on the other end. It was impossible to tell whether
he knew Eggsy might be listening to this or not, but he probably wasn't worried
about being overheard. It seemed like the everyday banter that came with time
spent waiting on missions, unimportant but pleasant. Harry even sighed at one
point and Eggsy swore he heard him yawn, and then laugh at something Merlin
said. It was easy to imagine Merlin scolding him for being lazy or something to
that effect.
Eggsy found he couldn't leave his spot, ear pressed to the door. This was a
side of the two men he didn't really get to see, and he still wasn't certain
exactly why Harry was friends with Merlin. It made a certain sense with him
being Harry's lifeline on missions, but not really outside of it. Their
personalities were too different.
They seemed perfectly capable of keeping each other from being bored, however,
as the conversation turned from dinner to classical music, it seemed. Harry
mentioned something about setting Tchaikovsky to an alarm in the mornings since
he simply couldn't stand beeping anymore, and Eggsy had heard the quiet sound
of the music under Harry's door more than once in the early hours. From there,
Harry's smooth voice meandered to a poem by Goethe, the title of which Eggsy
didn't quite catch because it didn't sound English.
What had started as pure possessive jealousy turned to fascinated curiosity.
He'd seen more sides of Harry than others had, for certain, but this was
another part of him Eggsy hadn't necessarily seen. Unguarded, bantering with an
old trusted friend. So much had been hidden from him due to Harry's desire to
keep him in the dark in order to keep him close, and later out of worries about
what might drive him away. Hearing Harry be so much himself, without any
shielding or restraint, made something in Eggsy's heart warm and grow painful
in its tenderness. He wanted to reach out, but opening the door would break the
spell.
Gradually, Harry and Merlin's conversation quieted with casual silence
interspersed between their topics. Harry was getting to that point where he
really did sound tired. Not in the sense that he was going to crash at any
moment, just that he was comfortable and winding down for the day. That was
familiar. It was the way Harry got when they'd been up for a late night just
sitting in the living room reading or with the telly on, and Harry would have
his head propped up with one hand, progressively slipping lower. Sometimes he
even spread out along the whole couch.
Eggsy ran his hand along the door. It wasn't like home. There wasn't a fine
wood grain under his fingertips. This was a modern ski resort, built with
modern materials. It was smooth as plexiglas, and probably just as fabricated.
Eggsy's fingers touched the doorknob and twisted, slowly. He got to his feet.
If things were as wound down as they sounded, interruption wouldn't be
unwelcome at that point.
Very much as he'd imagined, Harry was sitting back in his chair at the desk,
feet kicked out under it, emphasising the long line of his body. Eggsy drew his
attention away from the computer screen and he smiled. If he'd looked like he
was about to fall asleep before, it was gone now. His face quietly lit up at
the sight of Eggsy. "Feeling better? Merlin and I were just chatting. Your
earpiece is on the table if you want it, but I'll probably be turning in for
the night soon." If it wasn't likely the Orlov's would be leaving their room
tonight, Harry probably wanted to get up early.
"Yeah, much better. Just missed you, is all." Harry didn't need to know that
he'd been spying. It shouldn't really matter, either. Nothing he'd said had
been top secret, or anything he should want to keep from Eggsy. He simply
hadn't been as open because he wasn't used to it. "Everythin' going alright?
Given that I know you didn't get your chance to move today an' all."
Harry yawned but nodded. "So long as we can get our chance tomorrow, we're
alright." He glanced down at Eggsy's robe. "You certainly do look comfortable.
Enjoying the luxurious life of a spy yet?" Harry raised a brow in feigned
curiosity and swivelled away from the desk. "Merlin, would you be so kind as to
have your team take over observation for the night? I think I'll be turning in
shortly." He stretched and cracked his neck before standing and rummaging
through his suitcase for something to wear to bed.
"I don't think the spy bit is the one that leads to luxurious stuff," Eggsy
countered. He'd seen Harry trapped in that warehouse room, and experienced life
on the streets, and even seen a bit of the mission tapes. The spy life might
let someone have enough money for brief periods of relaxation, but it didn't
cause it directly. If anything, it caused the opposite. "You done for the
night? Or d'you gotta keep on watchin' and waitin' in case something changes?"
"Done for the night. However, I'll be leaving this in, in case anything changes
on that front." Harry tapped his ear. "I'm going to clean up and get ready for
bed. Hoping to be up for an early start tomorrow." Harry's fingers brushed the
collar of Eggsy's robe as he passed, that small smile still on his face when he
looked down. He took out his earpiece and set it on a nearby table only before
disappearing into the toilet where it wasn't long before Eggsy heard the sounds
of water running and then the shower being turned on.
Eggsy couldn't help a feeling of disappointment. It soon transitioned to a
stubborn sort of determination, however. Harry was here working, and he'd
involved Eggsy in the work, but that didn't mean he could blow off and ignore
him.
After a moment of surveying the room, Eggsy stripped off, abandoning things on
the floor, and turned the knob leading back to the bathroom.
Just as he'd thought, Harry was in the shower, running shampoo through his
hair, when Eggsy caught sight of him through the glass door. Harry paused to
rinse the suds from his scalp before he looked around the edge. He opened his
mouth to say something, but then seemed to take in the sight of Eggsy's nudity
and think twice. "Everything alright?" Harry asked, although it was clear from
his face he figured that probably wasn't the reason Eggsy was joining him.
Eggsy didn't respond. At least, not so much in words. The door clicked shut
behind him, and then it was a short matter of steps to close the distance
between himself and the glass-enclosed stall, all clouded with hot water
vapour. It slid open easily enough, and Eggsy pressed forward. The hot water
against his skin wasn't nearly as much of a shock as that of warm skin against
his own as he backed Harry up against the tiled wall.
"I'll take that as a 'yes'," Harry muttered, quietly amused. Already he sounded
a little breathless, but he let Eggsy do as he liked and went with the motion
until he could go no further. "I'm guessing this isn't anything to do with what
I owe you?" Harry asked, sounding fairly sure this was just Eggsy wanting to
enjoy more of the night before they went to bed.
"Nah, nothin' like that. That's a surprise for later." The boy wrapped arms
around Harry’s bare torso, content to feel the solid form in his grip and the
warm water spattering over both of them. Whatever else demanded his attention,
Harry was right there with him at that moment. "I could use a little somethin'
though, I guess, given how hard I worked today. That I'm sore an' all."
Harry gave a quiet laugh. "Sounds like you could. I was going to offer to get
your legs once I was out of the shower and you'd settled down for bed,
but...this is quite nice, too. Either way, you'll sleep soundly tonight I'm
sure." Eggsy felt Harry's growing interest nudging against his side and the
man's hands drew down his back in a mimic of the massage he'd given Eggsy not
long ago, just lighter this time, meant for Harry to enjoy as much as Eggsy.
Eggsy's hair hadn't quite dried, and so it didn't feel as weird when one of
Harry's wet hands carded through it. Just warm. "What would you like me to do?"
"Jus'... be here, is all. 'm too tired for much of anythin' else." Eggsy didn't
quite know how to explain it. He didn't want Harry distracted enough that he
couldn't stay safe and accomplish his mission, but it was frustrating that he
wasn't more involved. In a way, he'd become used to being the constant focus of
Harry's attention, and it was strange to be somewhere together, ostensibly on
vacation, and have Harry almost be absent in a way.
Eggsy turned until one ear was flat against Harry's chest, able to make out the
man's heartbeat past the sound of water. "Is it weird I missed you, even though
we're both in the same spot?"
"Perhaps." Harry ran his hands gently down the back of Eggsy's neck and let his
weight settle against the wall. "You're not used to me being distracted, are
you?" The water was just the right temperature, and wide enough to catch them
both in its spray without hitting Eggsy in the face, but they were used to
taking showers together now. This was normal, and yet not. "You should know
that I don't mean to ignore you." There was a reason work was called work, and
Harry had a lot of it to do. Eggsy was just rarely there in person for it
before.
"Yeah, I know. I know why. I guess I'm just not used to it. When you went on
trips for this stuff before, it was different because you weren't right there
and you sometimes called back. Like, even back home, I could interrupt you for
a bit when you were in your office. But it's too important not to do that right
now. It's strange, bein' on vacation with you but not." Eggsy supposed that it
was strange being anywhere with Harry again. Even sharing space in the shower
together had an air of newness, and some residual tension. They both were still
feeling out the boundaries of their healing relationship and what it all
entailed. "Are you havin' fun, at least? Even though you're not out on the
slopes yet?"
Harry smiled, but there was something sad in it. "You don't know how much it
means to me to have you here with me." He took Eggsy's face in both hands,
emphasizing the point. "I know I'll get to enjoy the slopes later. And if this
trip really does come down to the wire and there's no time left, then I'll get
to go out on the next one. What I'm really enjoying is seeing you enjoy what
you can here. Even if you're working, too." Harry's hands slid down Eggsy's
back and he let Eggsy take that in. Harry often did these missions alone. Even
when he was with another agent, those agents weren't Eggsy, and Eggsy knew that
he was someone Harry actually liked spending time with.
Eggsy was quiet for a long time, enjoying the warmth and Harry pressed up
against him, his focus centred on him. Perhaps it was selfish, but when he
didn't feel threatened by it, Harry's obsession felt nice. Particularly when
he'd gotten so little attention and concern in other times in his life.
Eggsy wondered what being a spy might be like. He remembered Harry's stories,
about waiting and pretending to be other people and then waiting some more. He
remembered the mission videos too, and how they made his stomach tighten. He
could imagine a bit what life was like for Merlin via the bits and pieces of
hints - enclosed and solitary, dysfunctional enough that electronic ears and
eyes were what he found comfort in now in life beyond the missions. Surely
there was a balance to be found. Being an agent wouldn't be all fun and games
on the slopes like Eggsy was doing now, but it couldn't be completely terrible
either. Eggsy didn't think there would be anything left of Harry himself if it
was nothing but draining and unhealthy.
Harry threaded his fingers through Eggsy's hair, enjoying the moment for a
little longer until he had to shut the water off. The suds in his own hair had
rinsed away, and there was no reason to linger any longer. He helped Eggsy out
of the shower and took a towel to help dry him off before Harry took one for
himself. That was something he'd done ever since Eggsy was years younger--
a sweet and intimate gesture between them that Harry might not even have been
conscious of. One Eggsy would have never been the recipient of if they hadn't
been intimate with each other.
Once Harry was dry, he found a robe for himself and tied it around his waist.
His hair was mussed and wet and his glasses were gone. He looked every bit the
unkempt, early morning version of the Harry Eggsy knew back at home, not the
spy.
"That's better." Eggsy liked the spy, of course, but he liked Harry better. It
wasn't that one of them was more Harry, because they both were, but this Harry
was the one he'd gotten to know first - the one who'd hurt, when Eggsy thought
it might have all been a lie and never a real person. "You goin' to sleep, or
do you gotta take care of more stuff tonight?"
"Sleep, I think. Need to be up early tomorrow." Harry went through his suitcase
until he found his pyjamas and began putting them on, leaving the robe
haphazardly tossed over the chair. He finger combed his hair back into place
when he was done and he looked a little more presentable, but Eggsy knew all
that would be lost by morning. Eggsy looked good with messy bedhead hair.
Harry, on the other hand, looked ridiculous.
Harry turned out the lights except for the one on the night stand and drew the
covers back on the bed he'd chosen, but paused, glancing back at Eggsy. "Would
you like to share tonight?"
"Is that safe? Like... do we gotta worry that someone might sneak in?" Eggsy
had no idea how much and where Merlin was watching, in terms of hotel security,
and even he would have to sleep sometimes. Eggsy thought that must mean that
either there were times he wasn't keeping watch over their door, or another
agent would be taking over his shift briefly while he rested. Which meant a
stranger looking out through Harry's glasses and noticing things they
shouldn't.
Harry shook his head. "If anyone sneaks into our room, that will be the least
of our worries. And I'd rather have you close if that were to happen anyway."
Eggsy glanced to the pair of glasses sitting on the night stand and Harry
caught on with a nod of his head. "They're off. Merlin's team will be watching
the hotel and Orlov's door over the night, but not in here unless I turn the
glasses on. Even our earpieces are off for the moment, unless they wish to send
me a message. They are supposed to be letting us sleep, after all." Harry
smiled. "So that means it's up to you."
Eggsy exhaled, then nodded. "Just so it's not dangerous. I wasn't sure how all
that worked, with people watchin' over you when you're on a mission. I would
have thought it might be extra dangerous when you're tryin' to sleep, y'know?
Like, that people would try to get the jump on you by sneakin' through the door
or window or somethin', so you'd have to turn on extra security just in case
you don't wake up in time."
Harry nodded and let Eggsy into the bed beside him, wrapping the covers around
his shoulders. "That can happen on particularly dangerous missions. If I need
to sleep in a dangerous position, having someone play lookout is helpful, even
if it might only buy me an extra second to orient myself upon waking, but
there's no need here." Harry smoothed Eggsy's hair back and then draped an arm
around his middle, just to have some contact between them. He didn't look as
tired as Eggsy felt after the long day, but Harry would fall asleep soon
enough.
Despite the muscle aches and the strangeness of being with Harry on a mission,
Eggsy drifted off quickly, lulled in particular by the sense of security
conveyed by the arm around him and the warm presence next to him. Eggsy was no
longer so used to constantly being outside and constantly moving. The fresh,
cold air and exercise had taken its toll. After a few minutes, the boy's
breathing slowed and evened out.
Chapter End Notes
     Thank you everyone for being patient with this story. We appreciate
     all your comments even if we may have been poor at following up
     lately. Know that they mean a lot to us still.
***** Chapter 57 *****
Chapter Notes
     NFSR is BACK! Thank you to everyone who waited so long. I know it's
     not Friday, but I wanted to get this chapter out as soon as possible.
     We should now be posting the remaining chapters once every two weeks
     or so, so stay on the lookout.
The next morning, Eggsy woke to the alarm sounding and Harry reaching over him
to turn it off. The man settled back down next to him for a minute, scooting in
so he could wrap his arms around Eggsy, and then pressed a kiss to his temple
before sighing. With clear reluctance, Harry moved away and climbed out of bed,
but made sure to tuck Eggsy back into the covers securely before he left to
brush his teeth and get dressed.
Harry disappeared and the sound of the water running from the toilet came on a
moment later, and then there were soft footsteps and the sound of his
toothbrush as he padded back across the room to check on the computer.
Eggsy yawned and snuggled back down into the blankets, making a nest of it. He
wasn't ready to get up yet, even though he could already feel the emptiness in
his stomach that would demand to be filled soon. The bed was too comfortable,
and the sounds coming from the room's desk were soothing - soft, rhythmic
tapping and clicks as Harry connected to the Kingsman network and got ready for
the day's work. Or rather, the day's waiting before he could accomplish the
day's work.
Eventually, Harry got up again and went back to the toilet where Eggsy heard
the muffled sounds of water, followed by gargling mouthwash. Harry shaved,
dressed, and finished the rest of his morning routine quietly, letting Eggsy
rest for as long as he could.
After some time, however, Harry went to the shades and opened them a little,
letting in pools of morning sunlight, before he sat down at the edge of the bed
and drew his hand down Eggsy's back. "Time to get up and face the day, I'm
afraid."
"Ugh," Eggsy groaned. Sleep had only emphasised just how much certain muscles
had remained unused. Skiing used a lot more than plain old running or walking,
or even some simple sports. "Can we get breakfast downstairs? Or do you gotta
get started on work right away? I don't really wanna be down there by myself.
I'd rather order room service if you can't come with me."
"We can go down for breakfast. I'll just need to take the glasses and my
earpiece and be open to slipping away should the Orlovs leave their room. They
haven't yet, and by the sound of things, they're probably still asleep." Harry
patted Eggsy's side affectionately and then stood. That probably meant that all
had been quiet overnight, too, since Harry hadn't been awoken by Merlin's team.
Whatever he'd read in their messages to him this morning did not sound urgent.
Eggsy perked up a little. It'd only be for a little bit, but at least he'd have
some time together with Harry that felt like a vacation before they had to
split up again for the day. Perhaps by the time the Orlovs got up, Eggsy would
even have had enough time to stretch the knots out of his muscles. Someplace as
fancy as the lodge had to have some kind of spa attached, or a sauna. Or Eggsy
could use the jacuzzi jets on the tub in their room. "What kinda food do you
think they have? Normal stuff, or fancy stuff?"
"I don't know about you, but I'm in the mood for waffles. I saw one of the
restaurants had a fairly decent breakfast selection yesterday." Harry rose from
the bed and stretched. He still didn't look entirely awake yet himself, but
Eggsy knew he would be after a few cups of coffee. Harry was often like that in
the mornings until he'd put a pot on and started making breakfast. He went to
the computer and began typing in a message to let Merlin's team know they were
heading to eat in a few minutes.
"Waffles sound great. I bet they're really good at makin' them here. All those,
y'know, German related countries are s'pposed to be good at that, right? Like,
France is good at crepes and omelettes, and Belgium and the Swiss and stuff are
good at... waffles and chocolate, and stuff." Eggsy didn't really know what
else to associate with the different countries. Even after the few trips he'd
taken with Harry before, he still wasn't familiar with much outside of England
and the parts of France that could be gotten to quickly and cheaply by ferry.
Harry laughed quietly at Eggsy's attempts to match breakfast items by country.
"It looked like they had quite a selection." He finished up at the computer,
shut it off, and then went to find his shoes. He was going to be waiting a few
minutes for Eggsy to get ready, but he didn't mind. When he was finished, he
settled back into the chair and pulled out the pile of menus they'd collected
the day prior, including some the lodge carried for restaurants up and down the
street.
Bolstered by the thought of a good breakfast, Eggsy moved a bit faster,
shutting himself in the loo to get ready for the day. The water ran as he fixed
his hair with a wet comb, washed his face, and quickly brushed his teeth. When
he emerged and made a beeline for his suitcase to pick out the day's change of
clothes, Harry was still flipping through menus. "Anythin' good?"
"Plenty." Harry set the menus aside and watched as Eggsy dressed, a small smile
at the corner of his mouth. One would nearly miss it if one didn't know how to
read Harry's expressions. He kept his gaze as respectful as he could, but it
was clear that Harry enjoyed watching. When Eggsy was finished, Harry stood and
checked that he had his wallet. He slid the glasses onto his nose, but waited
to press the slim button on the side to activate them. He offered Eggsy another
small smile. "Shall we?"
Prompted by his growling stomach, Eggsy nodded with enthusiasm and led the way
to the door. He hesitated only a little at entering the hallway, knowing that
the Orlovs’ room wasn’t far. Harry might even be listening in as they passed,
so he put his hands in his pockets and strode casually. There might have been a
time when he’d be nervous to lead the way past a mark’s door, especially if it
was Harry, who had been doing this for years, decades even, following. But
today Eggsy felt like he had the right.
The touch of a smile at the corner of Harry’s mouth didn’t escape him, however.
Just as Eggsy suspected, he remained quiet until they reached the lift and
pressed the call button. Then Harry glanced at the ascending numbers at the top
and let out a hum of consideration. “If you had to choose the next vacation,
what would you like to do?” He kept his eyes on the lift as he spoke, timing it
so that the doors dinged and swished open right when he posed the question.
Eggsy thought about the question as they stepped inside. “Dunno.” They’d been
rock climbing, swimming along sandy beaches, and now skiing. Eggsy thought
about whether he’d want to go to exotic places with cultures as different from
their own Western ways of living, or thriving, vibrant places that fit better
with what he was used to—perhaps America. New York or Los Angeles, visiting
Hollywood and learning to surf. Or whether he’d like to explore more of England
than he’d ever been able to before, places closer to home. It was a comforting
thought, that that may be an option. “S’ppose we’ll see. If we don’t get much
of one this time ‘round.”
The doors dinged again and opened to an open hall bustling with the early
morning crowd. Harry patted Eggsy’s shoulder and stepped out, looking around
for the restaurants they’d seen the day prior. “I’m ready for that waffle,” he
announced, and he and Eggsy made their way to find breakfast.
Conversation was light that early in the morning, and topics were limited, but
Eggsy got to enjoy German pancakes and Harry got his fill of coffee. Eggsy had
some as well, knowing it would help perk him up in case he needed to go out
again. If Harry received any news from Merlin, he didn’t give any indication,
and as far as Eggsy could see, he kept his glasses pointed mainly at his plate
or at Eggsy himself in a natural manner, no curious glances to their
surroundings. Eggsy never really did catch Harry doing much of that though.
When Harry took in a room, he did so in the blink of an eye the moment he
entered. It was a skill Eggsy would have to ask him about someday.
“So today’s it then, innit?” Eggsy asked after they’d more or less pushed their
plates aside and were finishing up the last of the coffee. “If we don’t get it
done, then we ain’t gonna get another shot.” He made sure not to mention any
details, but he wanted to see what Harry had to say. He’d been so relaxed about
it all so far, even if he’d been dedicated to his earpiece and his laptop, so
Eggsy guessed it would be hard to tell when Harry thought it was coming down to
the wire.
Harry conceded with a nod of his head and another sip of coffee. “That it is.
But I wouldn’t worry too much. A day can be quite a long time if you think
about it.” He offered Eggsy a small smile, but Eggsy just looked sceptical.
Harry almost made some quip about having to trust him, but thought better of it
at the last second. He’d learnt his lesson more times than he could count now.
Instead, he sighed. “Best get back to it, I suppose.”
Harry paid the bill and swallowed the last of his coffee before rising and
waiting for Eggsy.
Eggsy’s muscles were perhaps more sore this morning than they were the day
prior, but once he was on his feet and had made it a few steps, things got a
little easier. He refused to ask for Harry’s hand, however, or even admit he
was very sore at all. Some stretches and light movement when they were back up
in their room would probably help loosen his limbs, and then he wouldn’t have
trouble out on the slopes.
“Harry?” He waited for the man to turn and raise an eyebrow, just as much to
catch up as for the effect. “How the bloody hell would you have done this much
ski’n if it weren’t for me?”
Immediately Harry scoffed and rolled his eyes. “C’mon, Eggsy.” He turned, not
deigning to give the boy an answer until they were halfway through the lobby.
Apparently the comment was eating at him. “I’ll have you know that even at my
age, when it is required of me, I can manage some of the most arduous tactical
courses designed for strength, agility, and endurance out there. And one would
be unwise to compare the training required for such courses to a day of
skiing.”
They joined a small congregation near the lifts and Eggsy refrained from making
a comeback. If it wasn’t just his imagination, however, Harry held his nose a
little higher in the air than it normally was. So, lightly, as they were all
filing into the lift, he elbowed Harry in the stomach, to which the man gave a
satisfying grunt. Eggsy smirked and otherwise pretended nothing happened as
they rose, leaving Harry to rub at his side.
They exited the lift with another couple on their floor and discovered the
Orlovs had awoken. Mr. Orlov was yawning and filing his children out of the
room while they talked and shoved one another. They must have just opened the
door because Harry had given no indication he’d been notified of their activity
via Merlin. Then again, he probably wouldn’t have said anything while they were
in a crowded lift.
“Hey Eggsy,” Alexei called as they approached, “You wanna hit the slopes again
later?” Behind him, the two younger boys sized Eggsy up and then turned rapid
fire questions in Russian to Dmitry and their father, who really looked like he
could use a cup of coffee before dealing with his children.
“Yeah I’m up for it if you are.” That was the plan, so Eggsy went with it. “You
all headin’ down to breakfast?”
This could be their chance, Eggsy realised. Breakfast would surely take up a
half hour at the very least, probably more likely a full hour with four kids.
He might not even have to do anything if Harry could get in and out while they
were away.
Over his shoulder, Harry nodded politely to Mr. Orlov. “Good morning.”
The man returned the sentiment to Harry while his eldest son answered Eggsy.
“Yeah. Then we’ll be out later. Maybe meet up downstairs in a bit?”
Eggsy glanced to Harry quickly, just to look like he was getting confirmation.
“I’ll be there.” When Harry nodded, Eggsy smiled like he was looking forward to
it as much as Alexei and Dmitry seemed to be.
Mr. Orlov was calling for his wife who could be heard from somewhere deep
inside the room calling back. The sound of the shower running was just barely
audible under her voice.
As Eggsy waved a farewell for the moment and he and Harry moved down the hall,
he caught sight of Mr. Orlov shaking his head and pushing the last of the boys
out the door before shutting it behind him. Eggsy’s breath caught in his
throat, but the family headed down the hall, all except for their mother.
Unable to slow down for too long, Harry unlocked their door and they slipped
inside. Immediately, Harry went for the computer, speaking to Merlin in his
ear. “Yes, she’s there. Is the shower still running?” He hadn’t meant to leave
Eggsy by the door, but he had to act quickly in case there was some way they
could get her out of the room, or figure out how long she would be if she was
still getting ready. He pulled up the audio feed from the bug outside their
door and turned up the volume.
It was faint, but the sound of the shower running was still there.
Eggsy went to look over Harry’s shoulder. Even though there wasn’t anything to
see inside the room itself, Harry made space for him. The other cameras inside
the lodge were tracking the rest of the family as they made their way down to
the same restaurant Harry and Eggsy had just dined in minutes ago.
“Dammit,” Harry swore under his breath. “How long does she usually take to get
ready?” He sighed at something Merlin must have said on the other side. “I
know, four boys, the husband, one toilet, but this is ruining our chance.” He
enlarged the camera that was focused inside the restaurant, showing the family
settling in with menus in hand, the younger boys and Dmitry still bickering at
one another while their father tried to settle them down.
Eggsy glanced around for his own earpiece, frustrated at being left out of the
conversation. Even though he didn’t have much to offer just then, he wanted to
hear more than just Harry’s half, especially when Harry wasn’t paying attention
to him otherwise. Once it was in his ear, he could hear something from the
other side. Typing.
“It’s going to be hard to say,” Merlin’s voice came in crystal clear. “Either
she plans to finish and then join them for breakfast, or she plans to use the
time to relax and eat later. We’re just going to have to watch the door.” His
tone was clipped and professional, although Eggsy thought he could maybe
imagine a bit of annoyance in it. Or maybe that was just how Merlin always
sounded, because that was indeed how Merlin always sounded whenever Eggsy heard
him, his conversation with Harry last night notwithstanding. And Eggsy didn’t
hear him then, besides.
Harry was rubbing his chin while he watched the screen, clearly trying to think
of anything they were missing.
“We’ll have another chance, though, won’t we?” Eggsy spoke up. “If the kids are
all goin’ out, an’ that just leaves the two of ‘em here, maybe they won’t just
stay in their room?” It seemed likely. Elena wouldn’t be getting ready unless
she planned to go out. Unless, of course, she planned to stay in with her
husband…. Eggsy didn’t want to think about that. He guessed it was more likely
that they would want to do something, either go out on the slopes themselves or
go somewhere in the town. Artur had been working most of the day prior. He
wouldn’t want to work their whole trip. Or so Eggsy hoped.
“Likely,” Harry confirmed. He sat back in his chair and sighed, eyes still on
the screen. They were all thinking the same thing. Waiting, again. Although
this time their wait could be another hour, or it could be fifteen minutes, all
depending on how quickly Elena Orlov spent getting ready in the morning.
Harry turned to Eggsy. “Are you going to be alright out there today? Not too
sore, are you?” Eggsy may have joked about it earlier, but Harry was serious
now.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. It’s nothin’.” Eggsy shrugged. “I’ll just stretch a bit.
Walk around. Get used to it. That sorta thing.” He went to stand in front of
the mirror and took himself in for a moment. His neatly combed hair was now
dried and a bit tousled from running his hands through it, but it was in a way
that looked good, like he’d meant to put it that way. He’d gotten a haircut a
few weeks back, and it suited him. Getting them regularly now, from
professional barbers instead of the girls at the flat who frequently cut and
dyed each other’s hair for fun, was a pretty big improvement. It also still
felt a bit odd. Dressing in nice clothes, too. He could remember the days when
his mum had been the one cutting his hair and letting him pick out clothes only
from thrift shops.
He shook those thoughts from his mind and twisted his torso first, arms out and
swinging side to side to loosen up. His legs had it the worst, so he left those
for last.
Harry looked on from his chair. Every now and then he glanced back at the
monitor, but nothing of importance seemed to be happening. If he truly got
distracted, Merlin would be able to alert him, so he just watched as Eggsy
moved. It was a little odd to be watched while stretching, to be sure, but
Harry kept it as non-intrusive as he could. Harry’s casual gaze wasn’t an
unusual thing in Eggsy’s life.
Then something caught Harry’s eye. It was while Eggsy was getting ready to
stretch his legs, bracing one foot behind him and pushing the other out, hands
on his forward thigh. Harry got up from his chair and didn’t say anything at
first, not until Eggsy glanced up at him when he came over.
“You’ll want to do that while bracing against something, so you can hold down
on your leg and stretch the muscle longer.” Harry tapped the bedpost,
indicating Eggsy should put his foot against it. “Turn a little bit more and
you’ll get the muscle better,” he instructed as Eggsy looked for something
opposite the bed he could use to push back against. The edge of the
entertainment centre worked just fine.
He got down into position and had to admit, he did feel the stretch better,
even though he had to go slowly. “Like this?” he asked, looking back up at
Harry. Harry was close, but at a polite distance and kept his hands to himself.
He was doing that all the time, now. Eggsy admittedly did appreciate it
sometimes, but other times, times when Harry would have offered a casual,
thoughtless touch, Eggsy did miss it.
Harry smiled and nodded. “Just right. Hold that for at least a minute.” He went
back to his chair and sat down with a sigh, although not an unhappy one. “Do
that with each of your stretches, and then repeat them, but move from one to
the next a little quicker. You’ll want to warm up your muscles as much as
stretch them.”
Eggsy nodded and got to it, focusing on turning this way and that and pulling
each pose as taut as he could. Going through them all the second time he found
was a little less painful, so he decided to give it a third round, a little
quicker still, and by the time he was finished, he decided that was probably as
good as it was going to get without more rest. He noticed Harry watching him
out of the corner of his eye all the while, even when the man pretended to be
watching the Orlovs.
When Eggsy was back on his feet and coming over to take a look at the monitor,
Harry offered him a smile and a sigh. “I’m afraid it doesn’t look like Elena is
going to make it down in time before they’re done.” Eggsy leaned against
Harry’s chair and looked over his shoulder. Merlin had been quiet over the
connection, but it had to be assumed that was because nothing was happening.
“Think you can stand to wait a little longer?” Harry tilted his head back to
meet Eggsy’s gaze.
Eggsy gave a long suffering sigh. “If I have to.” It wasn’t much fun getting
his hopes up, getting ready to go, thinking this would be it, and then having
to wait again, even if it was out of their control. He looked from the screen
to Harry and couldn’t imagine sitting there all day, just waiting. He thought
about getting his Game Boy out and playing for a while, just for something to
do, but the idea died almost as quickly as he thought of it. He was too anxious
to concentrate. Eggsy pushed off Harry’s chair and sat down at the edge of the
bed. “What are we gonna do if she stays in there, or they come back up?”
Harry at least had the decency to look contrite. “I’m sorry, Eggsy. If you’d
like to go down there, you may. You could have a go at the arcade. You did say
that you’d meet the boys later, so they’ll be expecting you eventually, but I’m
afraid I’m going to have to stay here. And if you do go, you’ll need to take
your ear piece in case we need your help.”
Eggsy had assumed as much. He flopped backwards onto the bed and stared up at
the ceiling. “I’m never gonna be able to watch Bond again without thinking how
much time he must spend doin’ nothin’ that the movies don’t show. It’s gonna be
ruined.” Harry gave a half-hearted chuckle from where he sat, and Eggsy
wriggled enough to see him and still be comfortable. “What you gonna do even if
I get all the kids out on the hills and the parents don’t leave?” Eggsy thought
he should ask now, while they were killing time, rather than later. He didn’t
want to be caught unexpected if he had to help in some way.
“I imagine I’ll have to create some kind of diversion if that is the case,”
Harry admitted. “Send them a call from the front desk, something likely to draw
the both of them, such as their credit card being declined, and that should
have them out of the room for at least fifteen minutes, which would be just
enough time. I’d rather avoid it if we can though. Anything out of the ordinary
puts people on edge.”
Eggsy bit his lip and nodded along. It didn’t sound perfect by any means, but
it was good to know that Harry wasn’t relying on him without a backup plan for
keeping the family occupied. But it was also hard to fight the little seed of
doubt in his gut that he might not be actually helpful here, that he might not
be of much use after all. He knew Harry wouldn’t be disappointed in him if it
all worked out well anyway, but…. He wanted to do better than that.
He laid on the bed with that thought in his mind until he found he was too
restless to stand it any longer. With a sigh he sat up. “I suppose I should
head down there just before they finish, yeah? That way Alexei and Dmitry’ll
see me and hurry up to go out again. An’ maybe the other kids’ll come, too.
It’ll be hard to ditch ‘em if we’re all right there in front of their dad.” Or
so Eggsy assumed. He envisioned Mr. Orlov scolding his boys and strictly
telling them they had to let their younger siblings join in, with it being a
family vacation and all. Or maybe that was just his stereotypical impression of
what fathers were supposed to be like.
Harry turned in his chair and nodded. “Sounds like a good plan. They shouldn’t
be much longer at breakfast, anyway.”
When Eggsy rolled off the bed and went looking for his gear, getting it all
ready just in case he had to run up to the room in a hurry, Harry rose, too. He
fished out several notes from his wallet and held them out. “You’ll need some
cash for the arcade. There’s enough to keep you busy for a while, even if the
Orlov boys join in.”
It was a second before Eggsy took it and stuffed it in his pocket. “Thanks.” He
still wasn’t totally comfortable taking money from Harry, even if he knew the
man owed him plenty more than that, and it was for a mission, besides. He
looked around, swinging his arms. His skis and gear was in a pile in the
corner, easy enough to grab if he needed it. There wasn’t much else he would
need to take with him for the moment. “Right then. Guess I’ll be off. See you
later, yeah?”
Harry gave him a half smile, and there was a brief pause where Eggsy could tell
he wanted to do more. Wanted to lean in and kiss him, perhaps, but in the end
he refrained. “Try and have some fun while you’re at it.” Harry sounded like he
meant it. He wanted Eggsy to feel comfortable on this trip, to be able to look
back on it as an enjoyable experience. It was clear Harry didn’t know whether
Eggsy would or not, but wanted to make it as easy on him as possible.
Eggsy just shrugged. “We’ll see.” He went for the door and Harry saw him that
far, closing it behind him with a soft click.
Once out of the room, Eggsy knew he still wasn’t completely separated from
Harry at least. He had his ear piece. Although Merlin was listening in, and he
wasn’t foolish enough to believe there would be a channel he could speak to
Harry in private. Even if he could, he knew it would be recorded.
So he made his way back down to the lobby and tried to enjoy just being in the
midst of the other travellers. There were people from all over the world, and
they were interesting to watch if he let himself take the time. The majority he
assumed were from Europe, but he caught snippets of French and what might have
been Bulgarian as he walked. There were a few Indian families as well, and
their kids were laughing and playing in the arcade.
Eggsy decided to take a walk around before he settled in any one spot. He
couldn’t help but wonder how many other people he passed were anything like
himself and Harry. They all looked so normal. Most of them seemed to be living
inside of their own bubbles, limited to the friends and family they came with,
not interacting with anyone else. Eggsy knew that children were the exception,
like the way he befriended the elder Orlov boys the other day. But even still,
his friendship with them had been planned. He wondered if he would now find it
suspicious if anyone came up to him on a trip like this and wanted to be his
friend. It wasn’t a very pleasant thought, so he tried to put it out of his
mind as he headed back to the arcade.
He spent a while there wandering between the games before Harry’s voice sounded
in his ear, announcing that the Orlov family was finished with breakfast and
would be heading back soon. Eggsy decided to situate himself at one of the
games next to the entryway where they would be passing, the perfect spot to
stop and invite them out to the slopes again.
His plan worked fairly well, although this time he did have to wave to draw the
two boys away from their father and brothers. “You guys goin’ out soon?” Eggsy
called, and didn’t miss the way the younger two immediately turned to their
father and pulled on his hands and shirt, pleading for something he didn’t
understand in Russian. It wasn’t difficult to make an educated guess, however.
“Yeah!” Alexei called back. “Meet us down here in five?”
Eggsy watched their father say something to Alexei and Dmitry that had the two
boys quickly complaining, complete with foot stamping and hand gesturing, but
Eggsy called back an enthusiastic “Okay!” nonetheless.
The family headed off to the lifts, and Eggsy waited just long enough to finish
his game, not wanting to seem so excited it was awkward, before he followed. He
took the stairs this time, wanting to get back up to the room and dressed as
fast as possible even though he knew it would take the other boys longer.
When he keyed into the room, he found Harry at the desk, watching his monitors.
“Hey,” Eggsy chirped, heading straight for his gear.
“No need to rush,” Harry told him. “They’re still getting ready. And arguing
about whether or not Dmitry and Alexei can go off on their own with you.”
Merlin was likely feeding their room’s audio to Harry, Eggsy realised, even
though he couldn’t hear it himself. “You think they’ll be comin’? Or do I gotta
figure out somethin’ else?” He pulled on his ski clothes piece by piece, trying
not to feel as anxious as he did. He knew he could do this. It was simple, but
Harry was depending on him. He realised he had paused and was biting his lip
when Harry glanced to him.
“I think it’ll be fine. It sounds like Artur wants his kids to go out together
to start with. He’s asking the older boys to show them how to get started on
the practise hills and to watch over them for a while before they move on. They
are, unsurprisingly, arguing that it’ll be boring and that their new friend
won’t want to stick around.” He shot Eggsy a look of amusement. “I’d say all
you have to do is show up and be willing to help their younger brothers learn
the ropes for a while.”
Slowly, Eggsy nodded. He wasn’t used to being the kid others feared would be
the one to ditch them. He had never been the dweeb in a group before, either,
but no matter how cool he tried to act, he was often the youngest of any new
group he befriended, and that always docked a few social points. It was a
strange feeling, now, with Alexei and Dmitry essentially the same age, that he
might be considered the coolest out of the three of them, even if Alexei would
probably vie for that position, given enough time.
He sighed and shook the thought away. There would never be enough time, and for
once he was glad of it. That was a lot of social pecking order bullshit he
didn’t want to deal with. He pulled on the rest of his clothing, shoved his
hat, goggles, and gloves under one arm, and grabbed his skis and poles. “Right.
I’m gonna head back down there. Lemme know if the parents leave and you get
your chance, yeah? Just in case.”
For a moment Harry took Eggsy in, looking him up and down with a certain sense
of pride. Eggsy wasn’t sure if it was warranted, but it felt nice all the same.
“Of course,” Harry told him and got up to help him get the door. Eggsy had to
lug all his gear back down with him, and there wasn’t much time to dawdle, so
all Harry could do was give him a wave as he left, shuffling past the Orlovs’
room and noting the voices coming from inside.
Deciding it would be weird if he waited outside their door, or interrupted
them, Eggsy made his way back down to the chairs beside the fireplace where
other skiers sat, taking breaks and warming up with cups of hot tea and cocoa.
He sat for what must have been about ten minutes before he caught sight of two
familiar figures heading across the hall towards him. Alexei and Dmitry weren’t
alone this time. Behind them trailed two younger boys, who must have been
around eight or nine, with skis in arms, awkwardly holding them aloft. All
looked dressed and ready, at least.
Feigning surprise, Eggsy raised his eyebrows at the two elder brothers.
“We had to let them come with us,” Alexei explained with a note of apology in
his voice. He looked frustrated and a little embarrassed, as did Dmitry,
however less so.
The two younger boys didn’t seem to be shy at all. “I’m Vitaly!” the darker
haired one piped up, “and this is Georgy.”
They looked like they were expecting a response so Eggsy gave them a nod and
what he hoped was a warm, if awkward, smile. “M’name’s Eggsy.” Usually, he got
weird looks over his name when introduced, but these two boys didn’t bat an
eyelash. It was apparent they either didn’t know it wasn’t a common English
name, or their brothers had told them about him since yesterday. Eggsy figured
the latter was probably the case, since they all spoke English very well. “That
mean we gotta stay on the practise hill?” Eggsy asked the elder two, knowing it
would be expected of him to sound a bit put out.
Alexei grimaced. “Yeah. Just for a while, though. We don’t have to stay there
the whole day. Mama and Papa said they’d be coming out later and we just have
to be sure they don’t break their legs.” He tossed his scowl towards the
younger boys, one of who made a face back at him upon reflex.
“Ever skied before?” Eggsy asked the younger two.
Both shook their heads. “How hard can it be?” Georgy asked, playfully,
obviously trying to downplay how boring it would be for the older boys to have
to teach them.
“Pretty hard when you get on the bigger hills,” Dmitry chimed in, and if Eggsy
wasn’t mistaken, raised his chin a little higher in the air. He apparently
wasn’t the only one who noticed, because Georgy made the same face back at his
middle brother as the one he’d made at Alexei.
Eggsy made a show of shrugging, but got to his feet. “I s’pose that’s fine for
a bit. We can go on the bigger hills later. And there’s jumps by the practise
hill, too. Maybe we can try those?” He hoped his acceptance would sway Alexei
and Dmitry into letting their younger brothers stay with them for as long as
had been agreed with their parents. It would be incredibly easy to just ditch
the boys and head off to the more difficult hills. The Hinterglemm was
expansive, and no one would be able to find them if they took off until they
came back on their own. Not without an incredible amount of luck, or GPS
tracking.
“Yeah alright.” Alexei looked a little nervous about trying the jumps, but
equally excited. Eggsy supposed he was fortunate they were situated so closely.
Altogether, the five boys headed out into the snow until they got to the bottom
of the easy hills where young children and parents were sitting to strap in
their boots and skis. The elder Orlovs had to help the younger boys get their
boots into place on the skis, but Eggsy waited patiently once he got his own
on, even offering helpful pointers when he could, just to show that he really
was comfortable with the younger brothers.
Dmitry explained to them the basics, how to use the poles to keep balance, how
to angle the body and legs to turn right or left, and how to point the skis
together to slow down. Eggsy helped by demonstrating on a small incline beside
them. After a few minutes of getting used to it, they decided Vitaly and Georgy
were ready.
They tried the smallest hill there was at first. Really, it was just a carved
out slot halfway up the main practise hill where skiers could hop off the lift
early. And that was another thing that was going to be a challenge for the
younger boys, or so Eggsy thought—catching the lift as it went up the hill.
On that hill, it was pretty simple. A single J bar took each passenger along,
and all they had to do was step into position and let it scoop them up from
behind while holding onto the top of the pole. It didn’t take the skiers up
into the air like the big hills with the seated lifts did, just slid them along
up the hill until they could hop off at the middle or the top.
“I’ll meet you guys up there,” Eggsy called, being the first to demonstrate how
it was done and letting Alexei and Dmitry take care of their brothers. Once he
caught his lift, he watched Alexei go next, and then the others make their
nervous attempts. They got the hang of it soon enough, however, and after
hesitantly letting only a few hooks go by, Eggsy saw them each catch one and
slide into place behind himself and Alexei. Once Vitaly and Georgy were set,
Dmitry took up the rear.
“When you wanna hop off, just stand up!” Eggsy called over his shoulder as the
middle stop came up. He slid easily off his lift and got out of the way for
Alexei to follow. Alexei then turned and helped his brothers detach themselves
from their lifts along the way.
It was a little awkward, but they all made it. To Eggsy’s relief, the two young
boys looked just as excited as they were nervous as they stood together in the
carved out area of the hill, looking down. Both skiers and snowboarders flew
past them, some going quite fast and others, obvious beginners, heading down
very slowly.
Eggsy gestured to one of those. “Y’see him? How he’s got his skis in that V
shape? Just keep that up and you can slow down whenever you want. Easy, yeah?”
“Just watch us!” Dmitry called and took off down the hill. He was showing off,
but at least Alexei didn’t leave the two brothers as well, or Eggsy would have
been the only one left to go down with them.
“Come on.” Alexei got into position and Vitaly and Georgy copied him.
Eggsy decided to take up the rear just in case either got too nervous suddenly.
They did seem nervous once they started really looking at it, but as soon as
Alexei jumped, they followed. Both of them kept as slow a pace as they could
manage on the way down, and Eggsy found himself sailing past to catch up with
the elder two Orlovs at the bottom.
Once the younger brothers made it, however, they were ecstatic. Eggsy had to
duck out of the way of waving poles as they jumped around, shouting, “Again,
again!”
All together, he and the boys went down the hill several more times, at first
from the middle, and then all the way to the top. It still wasn’t very exciting
for Eggsy or the elder brothers, but the younger ones loved it. He supposed
that was nice to see. He’d never really been one of the older kids before, and
he’d definitely never had a younger brother, so it was a strange experience for
him to be looked up to in the way they seemed to. He was their brother’s older
friend, which instantly made him cool. He didn’t even have to do anything,
although he had tried very hard with the elder brothers the day prior.
Inevitably, however, Alexei and Dmitry wanted to move on to the bigger hills.
There was little Eggsy felt he could do to stop them. He could only protest
that they spend a while longer watching over Vitaly and Georgy once or twice
before they would question it, or get tired of him being boring and leave on
their own. He knew Merlin could hear what they were up to all the while, but
still the man remained silent, and so did Harry.
When Alexei and Dmitry made noises for the second time about leaving, Eggsy
could no longer stall. For all he knew, his efforts keeping them together would
be wasted anyway, since it didn’t sound like their parents had left the room
yet.
“You gonna be alright?” he called to Vitaly and Georgy, at least wanting to try
to do what he could. “Gonna stay out here on the hill for a while longer,
yeah?”
“Until our legs fall off!” the boys laughed and agreed enthusiastically. At
least there was that.
Eggsy didn’t like leaving them alone, but Merlin had cameras on the outside of
the lodge as well as the inside, so if there was a problem, he would likely
notice. Or so Eggsy hoped. The silence was beginning to worry him. He’d hoped
he’d hear more than this, that he could be in on whatever conversation was
going on between Harry and Merlin as they waited on Artur and Elena. Eggsy knew
how boring it had been back in the room with Harry, but they had to be talking
at least a little bit.
It left him feeling on edge as he headed off with Alexei and Dmitry back to the
hills they’d left behind the day before. It was a long way up, spent mostly on
lifts high above the treetops below, spotting other skiers heading down the
trails, and seeing if they could spot the most difficult hills from there.
Eggsy tried his best to be as engrossed in conversation as the other boys were,
but it was difficult to keep up. Even the beauty of the white mountain range
under clear skies couldn’t pull him completely into the moment.
It was hard not to wonder if being a spy was like that all the time, and
whether Harry spent his days only half-heartedly enjoying the scenery in his
exotic trips. The man was probably so used to such locations by now anyway.
Harry talked about them like he enjoyed it, but Eggsy had to wonder how much he
did for himself, and how much he just enjoyed telling Eggsy about such places.
Harry did that with a lot of things, Eggsy supposed. Almost all the places they
went to, even now, were for Eggsy. He couldn’t envision Harry going to the
cinema by himself, or the ice cream shop, or the comic book store, or even the
mall. Eggsy remembered how badly Harry had been doing by the time he’d returned
as well. That wouldn’t be easy to forget.
He, however, did not have the luxury of decades’ worth of experience on the
job, and had to pull his wandering thoughts back to himself in order to keep up
with the other boys. They didn’t seem to notice how distracted he was though,
and Eggsy considered himself fortunate.
They decided to pass up the hills they’d ended their day on the last time and
see if they could find some other intermediate ones. As their path led up the
mountain, the trails became progressively more difficult, but there were just
enough they could manage interspersed with the rest.
Eggsy wanted to see what a slope marked black looked like, so they stopped at
one to check it out. Right from the top, the hill seemed to take a straight
dive down and then into a series of twists and turns before dropping off again
so steeply that the boys couldn’t see anything beyond that point but the other
hills below. The boys backed away quickly and decided to stick to blue and the
occasional red if it looked manageable. Luckily, many of the trails were close
to one another, or began where others ended as they went down the mountainside,
so they didn’t have to spend all their time on the lifts.
It was sometime past an hour or two since they’d left the younger boys that
Eggsy finally heard from the receiver in his ear. Merlin, however, did not seem
to be addressing him. “Galahad, we’ve got movement towards the door.” The
channel must have opened up to everyone in it, Eggsy figured.
Especially when he heard Harry’s reply follow. “Noted. They appear to be
heading down for an early lunch. Once they’re out and have left the hall, I’ll
need you to confirm.”
“Certainly. The coast is clear so far. Eggsy, if you’re out of earshot, can you
confirm your location with the elder two Orlovs?” Merlin asked.
Eggsy tried not to let his nerves take hold of him. They were only talking; it
was just a simple question, and one he knew would be coming. He and the two
other boys were making the short trek from a lift to the top of a blue trail in
one of the higher regions of the trail system. He had to fall back a little in
order to speak without being heard, but to his favour the wind up there was
blowing just enough to cover his voice somewhat.
“Right. I’m still here with two. Couldn’t stay with the younger ones, but they
planned to say out for a while longer yet.” Eggsy watched for any sign Alexei
or Dmitry overheard, but there were none. The two of them were simply focused
on getting to their next destination.
“Neither have shown on my cameras outside the lodge, so it seems they’ve done
exactly that,” Merlin confirmed.
“This may be our shot, then.” Harry’s voice was rich and satisfied. He sounded
ready to be done with the mission, and Eggsy could imagine him easily sitting
back in his chair in their hotel room, eyes fixed on the monitor as he waited
for the Orlov parents to enter the hallway.
Eggsy kept silent as he heard Merlin’s voice take over. “Elena and Artur now
exiting their room. Key card in Artur’s left back pocket. No ski clothing,
likely they’ll be heading down to the restaurants for Elena. Heading to the
lift….” He must be narrating for someone else, Eggsy realised. Probably part of
the tech team, or maybe for the recording that would be filed along with this
mission. Eggsy wasn’t really sure, but Merlin kept his tone soft and
unobtrusive, likely for Harry’s sake.
“Getting onto the lift, annnd doors closed. Galahad, you are clear to move.”
“Wonderful, thank you, Merlin.” Eggsy imagined Harry adjusting his glasses and
standing like he was in no hurry at all. He’d collect his things, the briefcase
containing whatever he needed to copy Mr. Orlov’s information, and head out
into the hall, calm and easy as could be.
Eggsy envied the imaginary Harry. Every ounce of his attention was on his
earpiece now. His feet only kept him moving forward while his hind brain
followed Alexei and Dmitry. Harry wouldn’t have felt that way. He would have
been able to do both at once, even carry on a conversation in person while
listening to Merlin describing mission details. But they were only walking and
Eggsy couldn’t loosen his focus from the voices in his ear.
Faintly, the sounds of a door opening and shutting filtered through, and then
after a few more paces, the beep of a key card and a second door opening. Harry
must have gotten in. He didn’t speak, however, and after that it was hard to
hear anything. He must not have been making any noise. Maybe they were worried
the Orlovs had bugged the place, just like Kingsman would have done.
Eggsy wished he could see what was going on, but he didn’t have access to
Harry’s glasses, and he was stuck up there playing his own, small part. Ahead
of him, Alexei and Dmitry had stopped at the top of an intersection of trails
to look at the map. Sign posts told them there were three ahead, two black and
one blue, and it sounded like the boys were trying to figure out where they
would end up and which hills they could take next if they took the blue. Eggsy
glanced over their shoulders, pretending to be paying attention as they pointed
to the trails below that they could follow.
In his ear, however, Merlin’s voice broke the silence. “Galahad, I’ve picked up
the two young brothers heading back to the lodge. You need to be out in less
than five minutes.”
“I need at least ten for the file transfer,” Harry responded, still with that
tone of everlasting calm, although it should have been strained. “Otherwise I’m
going to have to abandon halfway through and try again, which I would very much
prefer not to do. Straightening the physical documents up now, but even that is
going to cut it close.”
Eggsy’s heart began to sink as they spoke. Alexei and Dmitry’s conversation
fell by the wayside as he listened hard. And then Merlin addressed him.
“Eggsy, how far out are you? Do you think you can intercept them in time to
give Galahad a few more minutes?”
Without pause, Eggsy grabbed for the map. He pulled it out of Alexei’s hands,
ignoring the boy’s protest. Immediately he saw why the boys had been talking
for so long. The blue hill led only to another lift checkpoint and they hadn’t
wanted to go straight back up again. There were no trails leading down the
mountainside from that area. One of the black trails, however, had a convenient
path all the way through.
“Guys, I uh, I think I forgot my medication this morning,” Eggsy reached for
the very first thing that came to mind. It was feeble, and he had no idea what
he could say the medication was for, but it would do. “I gotta go. I’m not
supposed to miss that.”
With his heart in his throat and Merlin’s voice in his ear, Eggsy headed for
the black hill.
“Eggsy, what are you doing?” Alexei called after him, bewilderment and vague
alarm in his voice when it was clear where Eggsy was going. He ignored the
other boy.
“Eggsy, ETA?” Merlin asked again.
“Dunno, Merlin,” Eggsy hissed under his breath when he reached the top. “This
ain’t gonna be easy, I’m way up here and only got black trails all the way
down, but maybe I can catch ‘em.”
“Eggsy, don’t hurt yourself,” Merlin demanded, but Eggsy was already lowering
his goggles and setting his skis in place.
Behind him, the other boys shouted and he could hear them heading for him. They
must have thought he’d lost his mind. They were shouting as much, and he knew
they were about to try to stop him. So he did the only thing he felt he
could—took a long look at the steep dive below, imagined falling that far,
trying to keep himself up, trying to find the spots he could use to turn and
slow himself down, how he could stay in control as much as was possible. The
land below looked more unforgiving than he’d imagined, even from his last
glance down a black hill.
“Eggsy,” Merlin called again, and Eggsy jumped.
The moment his skis hit the ground, he felt like he was falling. Falling while
crouching. His stomach was somewhere up in his chest and all he could do was
let it happen, let himself shoot down the steep hill. The snow under his skis
was flying by so fast it didn’t feel soft at all. It was impossible to push
away the panic rising in his throat, or the notion that if he kept up this pace
much longer, he wasn’t going to be able to handle it. The slightest imbalance
would send him tumbling so hard he would surely break bone, and the only way to
slow himself would probably be to jump and turn left and right in a zigzag
pattern on the way down. He vaguely remembered seeing professional skiers do
that on the telly, but he couldn’t even think of trying it now.
“Eggsy, what’s going on?” Merlin’s voice sounded again, but it was distant to
the immediacy of what he was doing and the need to keep himself from falling.
Eggsy shot past trees and mounds of snow. There was a turn coming up just as
the hill’s angle declined slightly, and he was just able to make it with a
single well timed jump and twist. The impact was hard. Harder than he’d
expected, but with every last bit of strength he managed to keep himself
rigidly upright before he knew he had to twist again.
As the hill finally levelled out a little, Eggsy began to breathe easier. His
heart rate slowed and he felt the adrenaline in his body threatening to make
him shake all over. But he couldn’t stop. There had been a reason he’d taken
that plunge, and he was barely halfway there to prevent Harry from being
discovered.
“Merlin,” Eggsy shouted, trying to calm himself with his own voice and his own
determination. “I’m going to catch them!” As soon as he said it, he felt his
nerve come back. He took gulps of air and sped on down the rest of the hill,
knowing from the map that he would soon reach the end only to find another,
just as difficult, directly between himself and the lodge at the bottom of the
mountain.
There was a moment of silence before Merlin responded. “Alright, Eggsy.”
Strangely, he didn’t sound reluctant. For a moment, Eggsy was surprised until
he realised that Merlin was accepting his decision at face value. “Keep your
stance strong, but don’t lock up. When you need to turn or slow down, you’re
going to have to jump and plant your skis where you want them. Understand? If
you can make it down here in three minutes, they’ll be just inside the doors.”
Merlin was deciding not to question his ability, and there probably wasn’t time
for it, besides. Eggsy was grateful.
“Got it.” Eggsy called back just before another steep part of the trail hit and
he had to focus again. He couldn’t stop to think about what he was doing.
Couldn’t stop to talk to Merlin anymore. All he could do was race to the bottom
of the mountain as fast as he possibly could.
The thought of Harry stuck in a hotel room, fingers hovering over a flash
drive, ready to rip it out and run to safety the moment it finished
downloading, flashed through his mind and set into him a sense of determination
so deep it began to overwhelm his fear.
He sped by the sign for the next black hill and a crowd of other skiers without
a second glance, and once again, Eggsy was thrown into a steep dive. This time,
however, he wasn’t so afraid. He had a goal. One single goal, and Harry was
depending on him. Harry’s safety was all that mattered.
Slope after slope he descended until, finally, they began evening out into the
easier trails closer to the bottom, and eventually, Eggsy arrived at the top of
the practise hill. He couldn’t see the two boys from where he was, but he
didn’t take a moment longer before he shot down as fast as he could.
“Merlin, where are they? Are they still here?” He was panting, pulling off his
skis and dropping his poles into the snow by the time he reached the bottom.
Unwilling to spare a second, he bolted on shaky legs towards the lodge.
“That they are. Just inside, passing the arcade now,” came Merlin’s reply,
clear and cool, but speaking fast. “Their parents are seated in the left hand
dining area. Catch them and tell them to check in before they return to their
room. That ought to give Galahad enough time.”
“On it!” Eggsy shot through the door and remembered just in time not to look
too hurried. He still had to catch them, but he couldn’t just run across the
hall, so he walked swiftly towards the arcade, knowing the lift was just
beyond.
When he caught sight of them ambling towards the lift, skis under their arms,
poles in their hands, laughing and shoving each other around, relief flooded
through him like a physical wave. It was all he could do not to double over
with the force of it. He took a moment to catch his breath, to calm his voice,
and steady his steps, but he never stopped moving forward, rounding the corner
to meet them.
“Hey!” Eggsy called, loud enough to carry across the hall, and both boys
turned. “Where are you headed?”
***** Chapter 58 *****
Chapter Notes
     Hello everyone, thank you again for reading!
“We’re going back to the room for a while. Why?” Vitaly responded, looking
honestly confused as Eggsy approached them. As young boys often did, both
looked a little worried they’d done something wrong. Eggsy was their authority
figure now, more than even their brothers. They were used to their brothers
being in charge, and used to rebelling, but not to an older boy they looked up
to.
That sparked an idea. Eggsy needed one badly because all he had to work from
was Merlin’s information. Even though the man in his ear was helping as much as
he could, it was up to Eggsy to get them to do what he needed. “I just saw your
parents in the restaurant back by the lobby. Y’know we’re supposed to be
watchin’ you, right? Go check in with them before you head up so they know
where you are an’ we don’t get in trouble, yeah?”
Vitaly’s cheeks turned pink and Georgy looked mortified. ‘Nearly getting Eggsy
and their brothers in trouble’ did the trick. Both brothers hiked up their gear
and looked over Eggsy’s shoulder for the restaurant in question. “Okay, sorry
Eggsy,” Vitaly mumbled, looking cowed, and Georgy echoed the apology after his
brother.
They didn’t waste any time following Eggsy’s orders, either. He stood back with
a grin and an odd sense of pride while the brothers hurried past him to go find
their parents. He’d made them do that. Easily, too.
“Bloody good job, Eggsy,” Harry’s voice was suddenly in his ear and he nearly
jumped in surprise. And then he was grinning. He couldn’t help it. He knew it
might look odd, so he ducked his head and tried to stay out of the way of
people passing.
He had to go back for his skis, he’d left them out in front of the lodge in his
haste, but he didn’t dare leave before he knew Harry was absolutely, one
hundred percent, finished with his work and safely back in their room, lest the
boys return. So he headed towards the arcade, trying to keep himself looking
busy.
“Seconded,” Merlin chimed in. “Galahad, are you almost out of there?”
“Finishing up now.” There was something in Harry’s voice. Something suppressed.
Something that sounded a lot like joy. Even Merlin had it, Eggsy realised. His
tone had changed ever so slightly between now and when Eggsy was back up on the
trails.
It was all Eggsy could do to restrain the bubbling euphoria threatening to
overflow inside his chest. He’d done this. He’d saved their mission. Not Harry.
Not Merlin. Not anyone other than him. But both of them had been there, doing
their part. He had Harry’s back, and Merlin…Merlin had had Eggsy’s. Up there on
the slopes, Merlin had believed in him. Eggsy told him he could make it in time
and Merlin had gone with it, had treated him like an adult, treated him like a
real agent.
“Home safe, Merlin, Eggsy.” The sound of a door shutting followed Harry’s
voice, and Eggsy stood, forcing himself not to grin, full to bursting with the
sense of elation, imagining Harry standing in their room, briefcase in hand
with all the files he needed, maybe even wiping a bead of sweat from his brow.
Eggsy’s imagination ran away with him, and he could have laughed with how happy
he was.
He went to get his skis and tried to look as composed as he could manage,
itching all the while to get back up to their room and hear from Harry. They
were finished. The mission was over, and it had been a success. Thanks to him.
“You alright there, ‘Galahad’?” Eggsy asked cheekily once he was outside and
out of earshot of anyone nearby. He just couldn’t resist.
He heard a chuckle from the other end. “That I am, Agent Unwin, that I am.
Thanks to you, I might add. You can come back now if you’d like. No need to
stay out any longer unless you’d prefer it.”
“Headin’ back right now,” Eggsy confirmed, snatching up his skis and making his
way back to the lodge.
He walked on air the whole way. By the time he reached the lift, he’d managed
to school his face back to normal, but the fluttering, giddy feeling in his gut
showed no sign of leaving anytime soon. Their hallway was deserted when Eggsy
reached it. He stood tall and confident as he passed the Orlovs’ door, knowing
Harry had been there just minutes ago. He hadn’t caught sight of the boys down
at the restaurant when he’d gone by, and although he didn’t hear any voices
from behind their door, he knew they could very well be inside now.
A smile was cracking his lips by the time he placed his key card in the slot of
his own door and slipped inside. The same snick of the latch catching behind
him met his ears as he’d heard over the earpiece, and Eggsy’s back hit the
solid wood a second later.
He’d thought the weight of everything hit home when he was down in the common
area, but he was wrong. There, in the centre of the room, stood Harry, tall and
proud, and two bubbling flutes of champagne in his hands. “Well done, my boy.
Very well done.”
Eggsy was exhausted and elated and simply blissed out all at once. He grinned
at Harry and began pulling off his ski clothes, uncaring where they ended up.
Once he wasn’t sweltering under the heat of them, he went up to Harry and took
the glass offered. He could feel his pink his cheeks were from the wind and
snow and exertion, and he could feel the way his hair was plastered to his
forehead with sweat, but Harry was looking at him like he’d hung the moon.
For once, Harry seemed to forget himself and the new understanding between
them. He wrapped an arm around Eggsy’s waist and leaned down to kiss him, long
and hard and completely disregarding the fact that they were both holding
delicate flutes of champagne, but all Eggsy did was laugh and draw him closer.
It was a moment of bliss for the both of them.
When Harry pulled back, he didn’t let Eggsy go right away. There was fondness
in his eyes and one of the warmest smiles on his mouth. There was something
more there, too. Something that Harry often held for him, but rarely was it
allowed to shine as bright and unadulterated as this. Eggsy knew Harry loved
him. Eggsy had known that for a long time. And the way he’d felt, coming down
that mountainside, he knew there was no question he loved Harry in return.
“Somebody’s gotta save your arse.” Eggsy grinned and clinked his glass with
Harry’s. He took a sip and, for a fleeting moment, was reminded of the first
drink of wine he’d ever had. Prosecco, actually. At Harry’s dinner table, no
less, because of course it was, but it wasn’t a bad memory. It was a very good
memory. Many of them had turned bittersweet, looking back, but somehow that one
remained untainted, even if it perhaps should have been.
Somehow, Harry’s smile widened even more. “I’d take your help any day.” If
Harry was remembering that time, he didn’t show it. But it didn’t matter. For
once, their present was as good as the past. He followed suit and tipped his
glass back to his lips, perfectly fluid and ever the gentleman.
“I’d say we can call that a wrap,” Merlin interrupted as smoothly as possible,
and somehow it didn’t break the moment. “You two, enjoy the rest of your stay.”
“Thanks Merlin,” Eggsy spoke up before he could think twice about it. There was
a warm glow in his stomach, and he wrapped an arm around Harry’s waist in
return.
A quiet chuckle came from the other end of the line before it went silent.
Harry pressed a button on the side of his glasses before he took them off and
laid them down on the table nearby. He turned his attention back to Eggsy, and
a more subdued kind of fondness seemed to come over him. “So. How would you
like to celebrate?” He rubbed Eggsy’s back and then sat down on the foot of the
bed. “The success of one’s first mission is no small achievement. Not to
mention that stunt you pulled on the trails.”
Eggsy took another sip of champagne and licked his lips. He wasn’t pretending
to tease Harry, he really was thinking about it, but a part of him knew it
would be teasing nonetheless. To hell with it, he thought, and, with one hand
on Harry’s shoulder, climbed up to straddle his lap, still sipping from his
glass. “I dunno. I’m gonna have to think about it for a while. Might be pretty
tired later, but I’m not feelin’ it just yet.”
Harry snorted a soft laugh, but wrapped an arm around Eggsy’s back to anchor
him. “If you’re looking for suggestions, I suppose I might be able to offer a
few.” His fingers curled against Eggsy’s spine in a gesture Eggsy recognised as
quiet appreciation. “You can catch your breath and I can join you out on the
slopes,” Harry offered. “Or I could take you out to see the town. Or you can
take another dip in the hot tub, and enjoy all the champagne you like while you
relax.”
“Mm, I like the part about relaxin’ just now. But I’d kinda wanna do it with
you.” Eggsy finished the rest of his flute in one gulp and set it aside before
leaning into Harry’s chest. Harry was solid and kept him upright even when he
put his weight into it, letting his body slump against the man. They were
pressed together so thoroughly that Eggsy knew if he moved just a little, the
sensation would turn from a small pleasure into a much more insistent one.
“Do you now?” Harry asked, as though he was surprised. He got a short laugh and
a poke to his side for mocking Eggsy, but he deserved it. He set down his own
drink and folded his hands behind Eggsy, smiling down at him fondly. “You seem
pretty beat. I wonder if I might interest you in a massage again? You’ve had
quite the workout over the last couple days.”
Eggsy hummed a noncommittal noise. That definitely sounded like a nice idea,
but this was nice, too, just laying against Harry like this. All the adrenaline
must have been draining out of him or something. He hadn’t felt this lethargic
a few minutes ago. The elation hadn’t dwindled, however. He wondered what it
would mean, now that he’d successfully helped in one of Harry’s missions. As
far as he knew, Kingsman didn’t ask civilians out with their agents, at least
not civilians who were aware of what was going on. He’d never heard of anything
like that from Harry’s logs, or mention of it when Harry talked. Would he be an
honorary agent now?
His thoughts drifted away at the idea of it. He thought about what it felt like
to go down those hills, the whole mission riding on his back. Even Merlin there
to support him, smooth and unquestioning. It was something he’d never
experienced before. It was a feeling he liked, he realised. He’d always thought
about how dangerous Harry’s missions were, how close Eggsy could come to losing
him. And sure there had been times when Eggsy fantasised about it in terms more
like a Bond movie, but he’d never really thought about what it would feel like
to really be out there. To really be working as a spy, and not just the cons of
it.
Of course there was that little voice in the back of his mind warning him not
to get carried away, not with just one successful mission. Eggsy wasn’t
foolhardy, but…. He snuggled into Harry’s chest a little harder, deciding just
to enjoy the high of it for now. He could set these thoughts aside for later.
Harry’s hand came up to stroke the back of his head. Harry had gone quiet,
sensing Eggsy was thinking, probably. He was good about that. Harry was good
about a lot of things like that. His intentions might not always be good,
but…with Eggsy, Harry was good. Maybe Eggsy was just feeling happy and tired
and generous at the moment, but it felt right.
Gently, Harry lifted Eggsy higher and tilted them back, bringing their legs up
on the bed. He let Eggsy slide in next to him, and they curled up like that,
fully clothed and everything. It felt nice though.
Eggsy’s eyes closed and Harry traced fingertips down his temple, over his brow
and his nose, across the swell of his cheek. Eggsy had distant memories of his
mother doing something like that to him when he was very young, and it was a
surprise how good it felt.
Harry’s soft touches didn’t stop. They never pushed for more, just a constant
appreciation of Eggsy. That’s what it seemed like it was. Like Harry was
praising him now. Harry often appreciated his body, but this felt like more.
This felt like gratitude. Maybe even admiration.
When Eggsy opened his eyes, he found Harry watching him and warmer than ever.
The man could not have been more smitten if he’d tried and it brought a curve
to Eggsy’s mouth. There were times he’d never thought he’d feel the simple,
unadulterated enjoyment of seeing Harry look at him like that again. He hadn’t
known how good it would feel to be wrong.
Harry’s finger came up to slide over his brow again, taking the touches full
circle. “What are you thinking about?” he whispered. There was no one there to
listen, but somehow the world had narrowed down to the space just between the
two of them, and it seemed like it should be respected.
“’M just happy.” It was an honest response, and Eggsy was proud of that. Eggsy
was glad of that. Happiness had eluded him for so long.
The returning smile on Harry’s lips told him Harry agreed as well. “I’m happy
you’re happy.”
Harry drew Eggsy’s fingers to his mouth and kissed his knuckles. It was so
sweet Eggsy had to laugh. There were times when he thought he should wonder
whether Harry was treating him like a little kid, but Harry wasn’t treating him
like a little kid. This was just how Harry was affectionate.
Eggsy reached up and slid his fingers into Harry’s hair in return. Harry was
always touching him, when it was welcome, and he wondered what it would feel
like if he did that more often, too. Harry brushed pomade through his hair, but
it still felt soft to the touch. Eggsy had so many memories of tousling it
beyond redemption. There had always been a thrill seeing Harry that way,
gloriously dishevelled, but just feeling it was nice, too.
Harry closed his eyes in return. A deep sigh made his chest swell, and it was
clear he was happy. Eggsy’s touch was revered. Especially touches like this,
when they were close but it wasn’t necessary or even expected. Harry had gotten
used to not expecting certain things, not until Eggsy wanted them, and at times
it made the touches between them uncertain, and at times it was frustrating,
but at other times it was a good thing, too.
After long minutes of enjoying the comfort of the bed and the silence between
them, Harry’s brow creased. “So are you ever going to tell me what I owe you
after our bet the other day?”
Eggsy couldn’t help the way the corners of his mouth turned up, and Harry’s
eyes caught on the movement with suspicion. “Mayyybe. I ‘spose now that we have
some time, I maybe can say soon. I dunno though, we might gotta go back home
first.” He knew he was being a tease. He didn’t care. Eggsy had almost
forgotten about their bet in the time focused on the mission, even when things
were boring, but now he let himself grin.
Harry raised an eyebrow. “Well, that doesn’t sound suspicious at all,” he
deadpanned. “What exactly have you got in mind that we can’t do here, I
wonder?” But there was a touch of a smile on his lips as well, and even though
Eggsy knew he had little idea of what it could be, he really did enjoy Eggsy’s
enthusiasm.
“Bet you can think of all sorts of things,” Eggsy challenged in return. The
light of mischief was coming back into his eyes and it was too hard not to
smirk at Harry’s mock serious face. “You’re good at that sorta thing.” Eggsy
prodded a finger against Harry’s chest in chastisement. It wouldn’t do any
good, he knew, but he enjoyed it anyway. Chastising Harry over creative ways to
be naughty in a hotel room was a losing endeavour.
“I am indeed.” Harry gave him an indulgent smile. “Soundproof the door with a
simple noise cancellation device, block incoming and outgoing radio signals and
other wireless devices, and, of course, cancel housekeeping. We’d have the
entire room to ourselves to do as we like, no interruptions.” He slid his hands
around Eggsy’s back and pulled him a little closer, not quite fully, but the
little places where they brushed together felt nice, and still allowed Eggsy
some room to breathe.
“You sound like you’ve done this before.” Eggsy knew he had. It needn’t even be
said. They certainly hadn’t always been chaste in the rooms they’d spent their
nights in on the vacations Harry took him on years ago, although if Harry had
done all that at the time, Eggsy hadn’t been aware of it. Some precautions,
sure, but nothing to the extent Harry had probably accounted for.
“Mhm, I have.” Harry had no shame. “If you can imagine half the things I can
imagine doing in this room, can you tell me whether your surprise is on that
list?” It was hard to tell how much Harry really was curious about what the
surprise was and how much he simply wanted to enjoy this banter. He was always
so indulgent.
Eggsy chewed on his lip and pretended to think. “I bet it is. Jus’ don’t know
where we’d get the supplies.” He smirked at that, leaving Harry to wonder what
possible supplies he could be referring to, and no doubt imagining all sorts of
things. Harry even had certain ‘supplies’ back at his house, Eggsy knew,
although he didn’t think Harry had this particular one. Not that he’d ever
seen, anyway, and he thought he’d seen most of them. Well. Maybe he hadn’t. For
all he knew, Harry may have kept things he never showed Eggsy, just as he’d
kept the recordings and his secret missions. The thought made Eggsy’s mouth
twist.
Harry’s brows furrowed and his expression turned to a light concern. He shifted
his hands behind Eggsy’s back to jostle him back to the present. “What is it,
Eggsy?” Harry asked softly, gently this time, with no trace of amusement or
teasing in his tone. He was perhaps more worried than the situation actually
merited, but he didn’t know that. All he knew was that something in Eggsy’s
thoughts had tripped him up.
Eggsy licked his lips. He could either make Harry wait until they did get home,
or he could be out with it now, and see how Harry took it. Harry had agreed
after all, but on the other hand, he hadn’t known what he was agreeing to. And
if Harry really didn’t have anything Eggsy was imagining in his home, maybe
that meant Harry really wouldn’t like it. Doubt flickered across his mind, and
he could see out of the corner of his eye Harry watching him with that concern
still.
But then again, this was something Eggsy wanted. Something for himself. Harry
had always asked for what he wanted, and Eggsy had nearly always decided to
give it to him. Sure, that was because Eggsy had been young and didn’t know
what options there were, and when he began to learn, he had no trouble asking
for the things he liked, too, but he knew Harry already liked those things.
Eggsy bit his lip and grounded himself. “I…,” he took a deep breath. “I know
I’m still pretty young, y’know, uhm…physically. And I was thinkin’…. Well, I
was thinkin’ I kinda wanted to see you take it, for once.”
Eggsy had forced the words out at the end, and Harry raised both eyebrows. It
looked like it took him a moment for Eggsy’s request to sink in, and when it
had, his face gradually slid back into its normal position, if a bit curious.
“You’d like to be on top then, is that it?” Harry asked, prodding for
clarification. It was pretty clear why he was asking.
“I know I ain’t that big yet,” Eggsy admitted, and a splotch of colour bloomed
on his cheeks. He could feel it, hot and certainly red, clear for Harry to see
now that the flush of running around outside had dissipated. “But I was
thinkin’ of other ways to do it. An’ I think there’s maybe some that I’d like
jus’ as much.”
This time Harry raised a single eyebrow. “What did you have in mind?” His tone
seemed genuinely curious, even if Eggsy could tell he was still surprised.
Harry didn’t mind giving him pleasure. Harry loved it, in fact. More than loved
it. But this was a little different. Eggsy had taken charge plenty of times in
the past, but never quite like this.
“I…was thinkin’ of gettin’ a dildo?” Eggsy hoped Harry wouldn’t laugh. Or be
offended. Or think the idea was ridiculous. “Like I mean, I just want you to
feel it, y’know? I wanna do that to you, what you’ve done to me.” Eggsy blurted
it out at once and braced for the reaction.
On cue, Harry’s eyebrows raised again, but otherwise, his expression was
quite…curious. Maybe even positively curious. He cocked his head and seemed to
consider Eggsy for a moment. “Well now. That certainly would be an interesting
endeavour.” After another pause of consideration, he came to a conclusion. “I
don’t see why not.” And then his face broke out into a smile.
Instantly, Eggsy did the same. Relief flooded through him. He wouldn’t have
guessed a mere smile from Harry could have brought it on even more than his
stated agreement, but it did. Eggsy’s chest felt like a weight had been lifted
and he squirmed closer to Harry in excitement and gratitude.
He hadn’t expected just how hard it would be to ask. When he’d thought about it
at first, it seemed like an entirely possible idea at the time, and the fact
that it interested him was all he needed. When it came closer to really asking
Harry, however, a margin of uncertainty began to well within him. “Thank you,
Harry.”
Harry huffed a laugh. “Let’s see what we can find tonight, shall we? And we’ll
place an order. If Merlin is agreeable, we may be able to stay an extra day at
the lodge. Otherwise, we’ll look when we’re home. What do you say?” He lifted
his arms and wrapped Eggsy tighter, fingers playing with the delicate strands
of hair at the nape of his neck, and every once in a while, Eggsy could feel
the soft chuckles from Harry’s chest.
“I think I’d like to stay another day, if I get to with just you. Even if part
of it’s just in the room.” Eggsy’s smile turned devious. There was something
about hotel rooms, something that made the idea feel more special. And now that
he had one real victory under his belt, he felt there wasn’t much that could
bring him down for the rest of their stay.
Harry’s smile widened in return. “Very good, then.” He leaned in, slowly,
gently, and placed a kiss to Eggsy’s mouth. In spite of the heat and suggestion
in Eggsy’s gaze, Harry kept it chaste. Eggsy would know he wouldn’t stay chaste
forever, but Harry appreciated this, too. This was a moment of victory. One for
Eggsy, at that. He felt it needed the space it deserved, without him trying to
change the mood.
Eggsy bit his lip. “Maybe a dip in the jacuzzi ain’t a bad idea,” he offered,
completely breaking Harry’s attempt at chivalry. His arms wound around Harry’s
neck and held him there while Eggsy smiled up at him. It had been a while since
Eggsy felt that way looking at Harry, soft and adoring and not coloured by
other, unpleasant emotions. It was easier when he felt accomplished, himself,
now. He didn’t quite know why. Maybe it just felt good not having to depend on
Harry for once, and knowing that instead, Harry had depended on him. And he’d
come through.
Harry shook his head, but he was still smiling. “Oh alright. It’s really not
that hard to convince me. And perhaps…. Perhaps I’ll join you this time?” It
was a question. This was up to Eggsy. Harry hadn’t even been the one out there
working himself ragged and building up a sweat. Eggsy needed to relax much more
than he did.
“Yeah. C’mon, old man.” Eggsy just grinned and sat up, extracting himself from
Harry’s arms and hopping off the bed. He was less sore than he was earlier that
morning, only because he’d been exercising again. He knew he’d very likely feel
it later. Or tomorrow. But at least he knew what to expect now, and his body
would recover quickly.
Harry followed him while he shucked off pieces of clothing without a care,
stretching his arms over his head and then his torso as he went, knowing he was
giving the older man a show. It felt good. It felt like another kind of triumph
altogether. Somehow long ago, he’d won this man, and Eggsy still had him.
Harry didn’t close the door behind them, even as he began to follow suit. He
was much more careful about where he put his clothes, however, taking off each
piece, folding it, and setting it atop the towel rack after removing one for
each of them. In spite of his careful methodology, it didn’t take long for
Harry to get undressed.
Catching sight of them in the mirror was an unusual scene. Harry, his hair
still perfectly in place, his glasses gone, making his eyes look softer, full
of fine lines and defined, if slim, muscle groups, scars here and there, and
skin far from perfect, next to Eggsy, still smooth and beautiful and untouched,
even though the boy was taller now and beginning to show the very first signs
of his age.
It would not be long, they both knew, before Eggsy well and truly entered into
puberty.
He smiled coyly at Harry and ran the water hot enough that steam rose from the
tub. Eggsy took one last glance at them in the mirror, knowing it would be
fogged over soon, and then stepped inside and beckoned Harry to join him.
Harry did without pause. If he had any insecurities over his body next to
Eggsy, he didn’t show it. Eggsy had always admired Harry’s body, but it was no
secret that Harry fairly worshipped his.
Harry settled down opposite Eggsy and spread his long legs out. The tub
miraculously had space for the both of them, but Eggsy still scooted into the
space left between Harry’s knees. The man leaned back against one of the jets
and closed his eyes, taking a moment to enjoy the pressure.
Eggsy would have done the same had he not been so entranced watching Harry
experience it. He wondered if he’d looked like that the night before, and
decided he probably had. Harry had been keen to watch him then, even though he
was very respectful while he gave Eggsy a massage. Eggsy ran his hands over
Harry’s knees, imagining when his legs would be that long. Maybe not quite that
long—Harry had told him he would likely always be the shorter of the two,
having known his father—but still. It wasn’t so hard to imagine today.
When Harry opened his eyes, he seemed to somehow know what Eggsy was thinking.
Or he looked like he did, anyway. He reached out and offered his hand for Eggsy
to take, and then pulled him close, turning him around so that his back was to
Harry’s front and he could rest in between his legs. The position could easily
turn sexual, all Eggsy had to do was push back, maybe lift himself up a little
and grind against Harry, but it didn’t just yet. It was comfortable.
It felt good to have Harry’s skin against his own. Eggsy tilted his head back
and laid it against Harry’s shoulder while Harry took a handful of water and
ran it through Eggsy’s hair. It was soothing, feeling the warmth of it, knowing
it was washing the sweat away even if it was doing nothing for the flush he’d
had from the outdoors. His cheeks felt hot in a good way now.
“I’d like to do this all the time,” Eggsy whispered, dazed and content. He
wasn’t thinking about the past. He was just thinking of today, and of the last
half hour, more specifically, and how now he and Harry were…closer, in a way.
He felt like he had raised himself up to Harry’s level, a place where he’d
never quite managed to be no matter how much he wanted it. Some part of him
knew it wouldn’t have been the same if Harry had pulled him up, instead of him
doing it himself.
That seemed to take Harry off guard. He turned his head and looked down at
Eggsy, taking in his expression and considering his tone like he made an
intricate study. Harry studied him for a long moment.
“Would you really?” It was no wonder Harry was surprised. Eggsy’s feelings on
Harry’s work had long seemed set in stone. Harry knew there were aspects of it
Eggsy would always admire, but the boy had been terrified of him being in
danger so often, terrified one day he wouldn’t come home, and just as often
unsettled by the things Harry did both in his work and in his free hours.
Eggsy knew Harry had all that in mind now, so he shrugged. He didn’t want to
let it bother him now. He wanted to hold onto this moment. He knew he would
have to ask himself that question later, but for the time being, he liked the
thought of it—working by Harry’s side. That was answer enough, and he kept his
mouth shut and let himself enjoy the way Harry’s hand ran through his hair when
he started the strokes again.
After several seconds of silence, Harry seemed to understand and didn’t push
the question further. He simply pressed a kiss to Eggsy’s cheek, lips soft as
the water. He ran his hands over Eggsy’s chest, pressing down into the muscle
groups that had been working the hardest before moving on to one of Eggsy’s
arms and then the other. Eggsy’s legs followed next, and very soon Eggsy was a
limp pile of limbs in his arms as he worked. It wasn’t possible to get Eggsy’s
back in that position, but that didn’t deter Harry.
Eggsy felt like if he turned over, he might slip under the water straight away
with how loose he felt. His eyes drifted shut and, distantly, he wondered if he
could fall asleep like that. He didn’t want to fall asleep. His mind was too
busy still with the mission so recent and Harry behind him, and Harry’s
undisputed acceptance of his request. It was funny how much they’d been waiting
around and yet so much had happened within the space of the last few hours.
Eggsy wondered if Harry’s missions were often like that. In the logs, he
usually only saw the relevant parts, and assumed the boring ones were deleted
to save space or archived elsewhere.
It wasn’t hard to imagine that was how it often went though. Especially when he
knew how often Harry had fake identities and had to spend time getting into
places. Eggsy thought back to the people he’d had to talk to living with the
kids at that run down flat. He never had to pretend to be anything other than
who he was to the customers they sold to, but he did often have to pretend for
the people in their neighbourhoods. If Eggsy passed a police officer, he had to
look totally normal, or find ways to avoid them altogether. If the client lived
in a nice neighbourhood, he had to find ways to blend in or sneak in. He’d
never ended up telling anyone quite how he’d got there, either. They’d all
known bits and pieces about his life, but nowhere near the whole of it. Eggsy
wondered if he’d be any good at it, doing what Harry did.
“You’re thinking very hard,” Harry whispered in his ear. It brought a smile to
Eggsy’s lips, which was surely his intention. “You did very well out there
today, and you certainly seem to be enjoying yourself now, but I want to make
sure…. You’ve been alright this trip, haven’t you?” Harry’s tone was tentative.
It was that tone he used when he basically knew what to expect already, but
wanted to make room for Eggsy’s reaction if there had been something Harry
hadn’t taken into account. Eggsy sometimes thought it was a bit redundant, but
then again, it was one of those things about Harry that was just…nice.
“Was a bit boring at first, but yeah. I had a good time,” Eggsy admitted. Maybe
Harry just wanted the opportunity to talk about it, too. But he didn’t follow
up right away, even if Eggsy could tell he was pleased at that answer. He
wondered how many missions Harry went on that were ethically questionable. Most
he’d seen didn’t seem anywhere near the sort Harry and Merlin did in their
personal projects, but Eggsy knew he didn’t know the context behind
international relations and the politics of criminal warfare. Or regular
warfare, for that matter.
But he did have a good resource in Harry now, if he asked. He didn’t think
Harry lied to him much anymore. There wasn’t much Harry had left to lie about,
he supposed, and Harry certainly didn’t have to save face any longer. So Eggsy
put it in the back of his mind to ask about later, perhaps when they got home
and he’d had time to think about this experience. He knew he was riding the
high right now. He hoped that feeling wouldn’t be soured, but he also knew to
be wary about letting himself get carried away.
“It’ll be a little while before the next one,” Harry mused, not being privy to
Eggsy’s thoughts. “At least, the next one outside of London. I should be busy
there after this trip for some time, but if you’d like to spend time on
vacations with me again, I have a feeling Kingsman would find you very welcome
to after this.” Harry was most likely referring to the way he’d taken Eggsy on
vacations before, when he’d had a mission on the side or had just finished and
had time to enjoy before he was due back in England.
Eggsy thought about it for a minute. Sometimes they had been worrying, knowing
Harry was working, but they had always been enjoyable, too. “I don’t think that
would be a bad idea.” Right now he felt safe and secure enough, and capable
enough, himself. He hoped that if he got to accompany Harry on any more
missions in the future, he wouldn’t have to be out of the loop as much as he
used to be. He’d earned the right not to be coddled anymore. And Kingsman
better recognise that.
He sighed and closed his eyes, letting himself relax against Harry while Harry
traced his long fingers over Eggsy’s tired muscles. They spent a while in the
bath like that, before Harry finally decided it was time they get up, lest he
turn into a prune.
Eggsy had been coming down from the high in a pleasant way. His mind was
turning to fog, but the kind of contented fog that reminded him of being
sleepy, even when he knew he wasn’t. Harry, as Harry often liked to do, helped
him dry himself, complete with messing up his hair with the towel and then
running his fingers through it before placing an affectionate kiss against
Eggsy’s temple.
Harry dried himself with less care, but Eggsy’s eyes lingered on him all the
while. Harry dressed a little more casually than he’d been before, but it was a
good sign. A sign he was ready to relax. Artur Orlov wouldn’t realise his files
had been stolen until Kingsman actually used them, which could mean it would be
a long while before that happened, and Harry didn’t think they had much to
worry about for the rest of their stay.
Eggsy decided to find new clothes, seeing as how he’d sweated through the ones
he was wearing earlier. While he was pulling a fresh shirt over his head, Harry
patted his back as he passed, heading to the laptop. “What do you say we do a
little shopping?”
He settled down into his seat and logged out of the Kingsman network, shutting
down the portals between himself and Merlin and the rest of the team before
bringing up a fresh window.
With a brow quirked, Eggsy followed, unsure what Harry meant. Until Harry began
typing and an array of sex toys appeared on the screen.
Immediately, Eggsy flushed. Harry seemed unaffected, but Eggsy just wanted to
slink back into the loo and not come out until Harry was done looking through
them. It would have been different if he didn’t have such a vivid imagination
of how such a toy might be used. Harry rarely flushed anymore when it was the
reverse, when Harry talked about what he wanted to do to Eggsy, or even when
Eggsy talked about that, but imagining Harry on the receiving end was a lot
more embarrassing than he thought it would be.
“What do you think?” Harry asked, just as calm as ever, as he clicked through a
few, opening them in new tabs. While Eggsy stood there in silence, trying not
to hide behind his hands, Harry went on scrolling and selecting them at random.
Or, not completely at random. He was selecting the ones that looked realistic
in one way or another—about normal size, with shapes that looked natural. Even
veins.
Eggsy swallowed and forced himself to stand next to Harry to really look. If he
was going to do this, he knew he couldn’t shy away, as uncomfortable as it was.
In the time he’d been away, he’d joked around with the other kids about dildos
before, but it was always in jest. There were times before that though, that he
imagined what it would be like to be as big as Harry, and to be the one on top.
The fantasy wasn’t exactly new. It was just one he hadn’t been able to express
much. And he still couldn’t quite believe Harry was willing to indulge him.
“You know more about this than I do,” Eggsy pointed out, wondering whether
Harry was waiting for him to point to the one he wanted.
Harry merely chuckled. “Alright then, let’s see.” He scooted forward and began
diligently going through them, keeping some in the tabs and closing others. He
showed no signs of being uncomfortable with Eggsy watching over his shoulder,
and even mumbled the descriptions aloud as he read.
Little by little, Eggsy became more curious than he was mortified. With Harry
so focused, it helped, because if Harry wasn’t embarrassed, he didn’t think he
should be either. It wouldn’t have been weird to imagine Harry using any of
these on him, strangely, but the other way around was still hard to talk about
aloud. His eyes did catch on particular details, however, like the way some had
a softer and smoother outer layer and a more rigid inner layer of material.
Eggsy hadn’t expected that, but he imagined it would make it feel more like the
real thing.
He also began to wonder whether Harry had ever been with another man before. A
grown man. When they had first met, Eggsy had just assumed Harry was also gay,
and then gay, but with a fondness for younger men, even boys. Eggsy supposed if
he were really honest with himself at the time, he’d thought he may have been
an exception, that he seemed older than his years and had hoped that was partly
why Harry had liked him back so much. He knew now it was true that Harry had
liked his personality, that hadn’t been a lie, just, not for the reasons he’d
thought.
Now, however, he really did wonder how much experience Harry had, and if he had
any, whether it was all for his work as an agent or whether he’d really enjoyed
it.
He must have been thinking too hard. Harry glanced at him, not out of the
corner of his eye, but turned his head where he sat. When Eggsy flushed
immediately, Harry smiled. It was a particularly self-satisfied glint that
entered his eye before he turned back to the screen.
“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you flush like that.” Harry didn’t stop
smiling. “What do you think of this one?”
The toy he brought up was mostly straight and had that realistic texture look.
Eggsy had to glance at the size listed to even guess how big it would be, but
found that it wasn’t ridiculously huge, although not small either. Probably
around the same size as Harry’s, actually. Which was just another strange
thought.
Eggsy took a breath and shrugged. “Looks good to me. I mean, you’re the one
who’s gettin’ it.” He tossed a cocky look at Harry, maybe to cover the
awkwardness, just a little. “You ever done this before?”
Harry just levelled a look at him in return. “Eggsy. There are many things I’ve
done before.”
It came out so dry that all Eggsy could do was close his mouth and nod, unsure
exactly how to take that, even as multiple ideas came into his mind. Missions
were the first thing. It wasn’t hard to imagine a younger Harry having to
seduce some older gentleman in order to work his way into some club or steal
some documents just like they’d done on this trip. Eggsy knew how long Harry
had been in this line of work, too. But he also had to wonder…whether Harry had
ever wanted something like that for himself before. Eggsy certainly had. He’d
maybe idealised the thought of having a lover a little too much, even, so much
so that it hadn’t been difficult for Harry to sweep him up off his feet and put
stars in his eyes. But then again, Eggsy had discovered very quickly what he
wanted. Or maybe he was just bolder than most kids. It was hard to know how
much credit to give himself and how much to give to Harry for how young he was
with his first experiences with a man, but he still didn’t feel…like that part
wasn’t his choice.
He cocked his head a little and inspected the photographs on the monitor,
imagining how it would feel to have Harry under him and a real dick that big.
Then he tried to imagine it more realistically, knowing he would be using the
toy instead. It put butterflies in his chest and a blush back on his face. He
didn’t imagine he would feel so awkward if he was bigger, himself. And he knew
he would be very soon. Only a year or two more was what he’d heard, but he
really didn’t want to wait that long.
“You ever been with a bloke before jus’, y’know, for fun?” Eggsy decided not to
care about his awkwardness anymore and just ask.
Harry raised an eyebrow and glanced at him. “Yes, I have. Although that was
quite a long time ago.” Again, Harry didn’t sound nearly as awkward as Eggsy
felt. He spoke casually, with no hint that he was aware Eggsy felt
uncomfortable with this track of conversation at all. “Haven’t I ever told
you?” The way his brow furrowed, he looked genuinely curious.
Eggsy merely shrugged, trying to act as casual as Harry. “Didn’t get the
details if you did.” Such was common to many of Harry’s stories about himself.
Harry hummed and turned back to the screen. “Well you might not get them now,
either. Suffice it to say that I did enjoy it at the time, however.” Eggsy was
sure a muscle was tugging at the corner of Harry’s mouth, faint enough to be
undetectable to anyone who didn’t know him so well.
Harry navigated the shopping cart while Eggsy used the opportunity of
distraction to punch him in the shoulder. “Can’t believe you ain’t gonna tell
me what that was like,” Eggsy huffed. There was no bite to it though. He was
still anxious and it was easier to cover with humour and bravado.
“A gentleman does not kiss and tell. You should know this by now.” Harry got
another playful shove for the comment and failed to grab Eggsy in return before
he darted out of the way. “Do you want me to make this order or not?” With a
put upon sigh, Harry rubbed his shoulder and moved the mouse over the
confirmation button before he stopped to give Eggsy a look.
That did the trick. Eggsy fell back and blushed again, even though he crossed
his arms and tried to fight it. “Alright, yeah, ok, I’ll stop. Go for it.”
Bravado above all.
Harry gave Eggsy a knowing look before he turned back to the screen and clicked
confirm. He sat back in his chair as the confirmation page loaded and crossed
his arms as well. Harry managed to make it look far more casual. When he turned
back to Eggsy, however, his face split into a smirk. His eyes fairly twinkled
in either mirth or delight, it was hard to tell. Whatever Harry imagined to be
Eggsy’s reasons for wanting this, he apparently really wasn’t put off.
“Looks like we’re going to be having a lot of fun very soon.” Harry pushed the
chair back and rose, sliding his fingers through the short hair at the back of
Eggsy’s head as he passed.
Eggsy didn’t know how to respond. He grasped for some witty comment, but came
up with nothing. Although Harry let him go a moment later and went to tidy up
their luggage, Eggsy remained rooted where he was, feeling like something in
his chest was pulled along after Harry’s fingertips. He watched Harry move
about the room—they had made a bit of a mess with getting ready and lingering
about for so long—and thought about what it had felt like to watch Harry in
their early days together. A lightness had wormed its way inside him, something
warm and familiar. That was the only thing he could relate it to, even though
this wasn’t then. Even though it would never be exactly the same.
Eggsy still felt…happy, to be close to Harry again.
***** Chapter 59 *****
Eggsy awoke to warmth. It was the only thing he registered. All around him was
pleasantly warm and comfortable. It was a light kind of warmth, not the
suffocating feeling of leaving the fan off in summertime, but cocooned in
blankets and, if he wasn’t mistaken, a pair of arms and a chest against his
back. It was a familiar feeling, one that brought back happy memories and left
him unsure where exactly he was. The odd thing was that he could tell the
chest—Harry’s chest—wasn’t under the blankets with him. He could feel the plush
comforter at his back between them, which made him distantly realise Harry must
have already been up.
Gradually, memories of the day prior and the success of the mission filtered
back into Eggsy’s mind and he smiled knowing that he’d exceeded expectations.
Their work was done.
When Eggsy shifted, Harry’s arms tightened around him fractionally. He didn’t
try to get up, or stretch, just burrowed deeper into the comfort of the
embrace. Harry pressed a kiss just above his earlobe. “I have something for
you. Whenever you’d like to get up.” His fingers twined around Eggsy’s slim
wrists, thumbs stroking against the soft skin on their undersides, before Harry
stopped and did his best not to rouse Eggsy too much.
Eggsy’s attention was already piqued, however. He gave a deep sigh and yawned
before he opened his eyes. He didn’t feel the need to turn and ruin the
position he was in, but he was curious enough not to go back to sleep. “What’s
that?”
The sun was up and shining in on them, but it wasn’t too bright. Maybe Harry
had pulled the shades down just enough, or maybe it was still early. Eggsy
couldn’t tell what time it was, but he knew he’d slept in. He couldn’t tell
whether Harry was dressed for the day or not either. The blankets hid the man’s
arms and Harry’s casual dress was often indistinguishable from his usual dress.
“You haven’t had breakfast already, have you?” Eggsy would have been sad to
miss it.
“Oh no,” Harry gave a soft laugh. “I’ve only just showered. We can go down
later if you’re hungry, or…we could test out your little idea from yesterday.”
He squeezed an arm around Eggsy, gently but suggestive.
Eggsy rubbed at one eye, trying to think of what they could have possibly
talked about yesterday…until it hit him. That Harry could possibly mean…. He
did turn then, looking back to find Harry smiling down at him, bright and awake
as ever. “Wait, you mean-- Didn’t we just order that last night?” Eggsy was
dumbfounded.
“Kingsman has excellent priority shipping.” Harry’s smile grew wider. He looked
so pleased with himself, but in that subdued way he often had. One that Eggsy
used to see so often and had been returning little by little. He placed his
chin on Eggsy’s shoulder and rested there. He smelled of toothpaste and hair
product, and there was that air of clean dampness about him that always
lingered after the shower. All of it was comforting and familiar, and when
Eggsy looked down, he saw that Harry was in fact dressed for the day, but
casually so in slacks and a shirt he didn’t mind getting a little wrinkled. Not
that Harry was ever too particular about such things when it came to relaxing
with Eggsy.
Eggsy just shook his head and grinned. He couldn’t believe Harry had been that
quick about it. He would have thought the man might have delayed at least long
enough to think it over for a while, but no, apparently not. Apparently Eggsy
might have been the only one to imagine Harry had any reservations over not
being the one on top. Either that, or Harry was just very willing to do
whatever Eggsy asked of him. Which, to be fair, had been Harry’s modus operandi
lately. Within reason.
“You gonna let me up then?” Eggsy asked and raised a brow like he’d been
waiting all along.
Harry merely grinned, squeezed once, and let Eggsy go. He sat back on the bed
and watched while Eggsy rolled onto his back and yawned again, stretching his
arms and legs just enough to feel the muscles, but not enough to remove the
comforter around him. Harry was the epitome of patience sometimes. Either that,
or he just really liked watching Eggsy.
“We gotta be anywhere today?” Eggsy asked, just to be sure. He didn’t want to
try to do this on a schedule, even if Harry was rarely rushed for anything.
Even when he should be.
Harry shook his head. “We have plenty of time before I’m due to check in with
Merlin.” He watched Eggsy spread out, taking that in and closing his eyes for
another minute of rest before opening them again. They both knew how much Eggsy
was anticipating this, and yet Harry kept his own excitement in check.
“Alright then. I’m gonna shower ‘n brush my teeth.” Eggsy glanced to Harry
again, clearly looking for any sign of apprehension while trying to play it
cool. “An’ then I’ll be back, yeah?”
Harry only smiled wider. “Very good.”
He moved back to allow Eggsy to push down the covers and climb out of bed,
still a bit dazed and groggy, but getting more awake by the minute. Eggsy
padded off to the toilet, rubbing his eyes on the way.
Once he was alone, he paused to look at himself in the mirror. What he found
was a tired boy, if a familiar one. He couldn’t help but wonder how much he
would change in the coming years. And how long it would take for his body to
match the toy they’d just bought. He rubbed his face, trying to imagine his
chin and jaw more defined, his eyebrows a little thicker, his skin a little
rougher, and then tried to imagine himself standing next to Harry at such an
age.
It was hard not to let the familiar little twist of fear that Harry might not
be as appreciative of him then trouble his stomach. He pushed it away as
quickly as he could, determined to stay in the moment. He had an opportunity to
focus on something he wanted now, and Harry was letting him. Enthusiastically
so. He didn’t want to ruin it by spending his time worrying.
And maybe this was a good sign, he thought to himself as he turned on the
shower and climbed in. If Harry really was as accepting as he said, then maybe
all of Eggsy’s worries were for nought. He scrubbed himself and washed his hair
trying to imagine how this would go. Himself on top of Harry was something he
hadn’t spent much time considering, logistically. He’d only considered how
difficult it would be in the first place, which prompted this idea. He found
butterflies beating in his stomach trying to plan how he would go about it, and
what Harry might let him do and what he wouldn’t. And what Harry might expect
him to do, if he was taking the lead in this.
Eggsy had taken the lead in their sexual encounters before. Many times. But
this wasn’t the same. And he wanted, desperately, to be good at it, he
realised. When Harry was inside him, he knew how to make the man feel good. He
knew how to make them both feel good. And Harry had no trouble on his end,
either, but Eggsy…Eggsy had never done anything like this before.
He calmed himself remembering he knew what he liked. In theory, he knew how to
move from being on the bottom for so long. He could only hope that it wouldn’t
be too awkward, and that he could do it right, and above all, that Harry would
feel the same pleasure Eggsy was so used to.
He let the water run a little longer than necessary while thinking it over, but
in the end, he didn’t want to wait any longer and ruin the mood. This was
supposed to be an experiment, after all. Even if he wasn’t as good as Harry the
first time.
And this was just Harry, he thought, towelling off and getting dressed again,
even if he was about to be undressed. Harry had seen him at all points in his
life, both high and low, and he’d seen Harry at the most hellish times as well.
That helped. He found a shirt he could button up and stood watching himself in
the mirror as he did so, setting his jaw and turning just a little this way and
that. Even cocking his hips, imagining a cock twice the size of his own between
his legs. He wasn’t as small as he used to be, but…
Very suddenly he had a vision of watching himself in front of the mirror,
imagining one of Harry’s cameras in the room with him. For once it just made
him shake his head and laugh. So he did it again, put on a few poses. He truly
didn’t think there was anyone watching, but at least he finally felt a little
more confident about it if there was. In theory, anyway.
He flipped the collar of his shirt and swiped his hair back, gave himself one
last look, and opened the door.
Eggsy hadn’t noticed when he’d woken that morning, but Harry had tidied up the
room. He’d also closed the inner portion of the shades, just thick enough to
block the view, but thin enough to let the morning sun stream through and light
up the room.
Harry himself sat upon the newly made bed, his back to the headboard, feet
crossed, still in his casual wear, reading a book. His glasses were on the
table, but facing away from the bed. Altogether, he looked like the very
picture of leisure as he licked a finger and turned a page. He looked up at
Eggsy only when Eggsy took a step out of the doorway, but when he did, a light
smile touched Harry’s mouth.
Harry set down his book and moved his glasses aside, then turned his full
attention back to Eggsy. In perfectly smooth tones, he opened his mouth and
asked, “So, Eggsy, how do you want me?”
Eggsy grinned. He couldn’t help it. All his apprehension melted away with those
few words. It was ridiculous. Harry was ridiculous. But that made him Harry,
even if no one suspected it at first sight.
Eggsy crossed his arms over his chest and cocked his hips like he’d done in
front of the mirror. “However I can get ya.”
Harry’s smile turned crooked at the sight of it. His teeth made an appearance,
but it was purely out of amusement and affection, Eggsy could tell, not one of
his seductive or challenging smiles. He lifted himself up and bent over the
other side of the bed before coming back up with a box Eggsy hadn’t noticed
before. It was a bold navy blue, but otherwise fairly discreet.
Harry settled back in the centre of the bed, legs crossed, and opened the lid.
“Alright then.”
Eggsy came closer to see, biting his lip unconsciously as he climbed up on the
bed.
There, nestled inside its packaging mold, was a very large, very real version
of the dildo Eggsy had seen on the website last night. The colour was a little
different from human skin, but it looked soft enough to be realistic.
Harry lifted it out of the box with purpose, holding it up between them so that
Eggsy could see. “That’ll do just fine I think,” he mused and then held it out
for Eggsy to take as though they were deciding on nothing more meaningful than
dinner.
To Eggsy’s surprise, he wasn’t unsure how to hold it or anything like that.
He’d touched Harry enough that it probably didn’t seem so intimidating now.
Once his fingers wrapped around the base, he noticed how different it felt,
however. It wasn’t quite like real skin, and definitely not as warm as he was
used to, although he hadn’t expected it to be. Whatever material it was made of
was soft on the outside, but a little thicker than human skin, and more rigid
on the inside. Eggsy ran his fist up it, just to see what it felt like, and
thumbed over the head.
Harry watched intently the whole time. The small smile he wore never left his
face, but he didn’t interrupt either. Like he was proud to let Eggsy explore.
Maybe even anticipated Eggsy using it. He delved into the box again and pulled
out a set of soft leather straps that Eggsy quickly realised were a harness.
“Based on the measurements, this should fit quite comfortably,” Harry told him
as he buckled the straps together and then handed it, too, over for Eggsy to
inspect.
Eggsy had nearly forgotten about that part. He’d seen some porn where women
wore them, but he couldn’t tell how hard it was to actually…move properly. At
least not from those videos. He supposed he’d find out, and if it didn’t work
as well as he hoped, then he could always use his hands.
He drew the harness up to his hips and shot Harry a cocky grin. “Think it’ll
look good?”
Harry snorted. “Definitely.”
Before he could elaborate, however, Eggsy leaned forward, over the box and all,
and caught Harry by the back of the neck to kiss him. Harry went quiet at that,
allowing Eggsy to take control. It was strange, what a difference it made
simply knowing that that was what Eggsy was doing, in a different context this
time. He’d pulled Harry into kisses before. Many times. But never with the
understanding between them that it would be Eggsy on top. He felt like there
was a certain role that came with it, one that Harry took on so naturally
between them whenever he touched Eggsy or guided him. Whenever Harry showed him
anything, it was subtly there. It was there to the point where Eggsy could
almost feel it even when Harry wasn’t guiding him, it was just understood
between them.
Maybe a part of that was just his imagination, especially in the moment, and
maybe another part of it was certain imbalances between them that had always
been there, but Eggsy didn’t have time to pick it all apart just then. When he
was younger, it had felt comforting. Harry’s dominance and care was a security,
one that shifted greatly later on, but Eggsy was beginning to see that he could
take control in certain ways himself. Such as this. And, surprisingly, such as
the mission.
The thought of that gave him the spark he needed to lift himself up taller,
press back on Harry’s shoulders, and send the man down against the bed.
Harry went without protest. He looked up at Eggsy, softly smiling, and seemed
to understand that their positions were shifting. His touches, fingers in
Eggsy’s hair, turned to a leisurely caress instead of a movement that implied
he wanted more or suggested that he would move Eggsy. It was odd to think that
touches so simple could imply patience and a certain amount of submission, but
Harry somehow seemed to manage it.
So well that for a second, Eggsy didn’t know what to do. Harry was laid back
and waiting for him, and had he been thinking in terms of their usual dynamic,
he wouldn’t have hesitated at all, but now he had to think about what he wanted
to do next. Or what he should do next.
Eggsy swallowed. “You really ok with this?” The butterflies threatened his
stomach again. He felt awkward asking, but on the other hand, it was a question
that lingered in the back of his mind. He was pretty sure that Harry was, in
fact, as ok as he said he was. Harry didn’t often lie about things like that,
even when he was doing something nice for Eggsy. He usually just calmly
explained that while he might not be as interested in whatever the situation
was, he was more than happy to do it for Eggsy.
Harry’s smile grew softer. He reached up with both hands to cup Eggsy’s face.
“I really am,” he said with a tone of finality. “This will be a learning
experience for you, I’m sure,” he added. “And I can help with that. I am aware
it’s something you’ve imagined for some time now. Perhaps not with a toy,
but….” He smiled wider. “We’ll have to save that for a later date, shall we?”
Eggsy blinked. Then grinned. He laughed softly. It was hard to believe Harry
was finally acknowledging all that. Acknowledging not just that he would grow
up, but that they would continue what they had, and he was doing so in a
positive way. There was no bittersweet taint to the topic, and Eggsy was
surprised at how much he appreciated that.
“Sounds like a plan.” Eggsy tried to act confident again as he sat up and began
undoing his shirt. He watched Harry as Harry watched him, taking in the way the
man relaxed into the bed, willing to wait for Eggsy’s unhurried pace. Eggsy
started slow. He needed to think about every move he made. But then again, he
didn’t want to over think it all either. That would just ruin the mood, and
Harry would be able to tell.
Harry’s hands came up to his hips, slipping under the shirt as Eggsy reached
the last button. Eggsy nearly paused, but then Harry was helping. His hands ran
up Eggsy’s sides and gently helped him push the shirt from his shoulders. Harry
swung it to the side of the bed where it was soon forgotten. His hands followed
down the plains of Eggsy’s skin, not moving yet to help with his trousers, even
when Eggsy went for the button himself.
Harry had that look on his face, the one that said he was just enjoying seeing
Eggsy like this. Their last encounters had been a little more intense, a little
more fraught with uncertainty on both their parts, but strangely Harry seemed
secure about this one. Maybe it was because Eggsy had asked for it. They both
knew that this wasn’t for Harry, even if he would enjoy it.
Eggsy lifted his hips and slid his trousers down his legs before kicking them
off. Deliberately, he left his boxers on. He didn’t want to be completely bare
yet.
Once he was finished, he moved onto Harry. “C’mon, I don’t lay down there like
that, do I?” he teased, bending over Harry and going in for a kiss.
Harry laughed and wrapped his arms loosely around Eggsy’s bare back. “Oh yes,
you have.” He grinned against Eggsy’s mouth and then lifted himself up, deftly
unbuttoning his own shirt and then tossing it behind him.
Harry wasn’t as slow about it as Eggsy was, although Eggsy helped pull off his
trousers and the rest. Already it was a strange experience for Eggsy to have
one more piece of clothing than Harry when they were finished, but Harry acted
like it wasn’t unusual at all. He hooked his arms around Eggsy’s middle again
and pulled him down to land atop Harry.
Eggsy hadn’t been certain until just then whether Harry would sit back and
force Eggsy to take control of everything. Apparently not. But this was nice.
It meant Eggsy didn’t have to think quite so much about what he wanted to do
and how he wanted to do it if Harry was willing to step in and pick up the
slack.
Eggsy remembered all those times Harry’s eyes lit up when he really got into
it. Even some of their very first times together when Eggsy was still testing
out what he could do. The more he overcame his nervousness, the prouder Harry
seemed to be. It probably helped Harry, he realised. That Harry knew what he
liked and didn’t have to do everything on his own, even if Harry was very good
at taking care of Eggsy.
Harry’s kiss was slow but insistent. He didn’t let Eggsy pull back for long,
but he wasn’t rushing it either, just encouraging a steady slide between their
bodies. Unsurprisingly, he was getting hard by the minute with Eggsy’s hip
rubbing against his crotch. As dry as it was, Harry didn’t complain.
Harry’s hands slid over Eggsy’s back and down to his arse, squeezing lightly,
and Eggsy had to pull his mind away from his usual thoughts of rubbing up
against Harry, of lifting his hips so that Harry’s cock pressed between his
legs and rubbed underneath him. The memory of it, however, was enough of a
distraction to turn him on. It was an easy, familiar thing to think about, and
it helped.
This time, however, Eggsy shifted and pressed one of his thighs in between
Harry’s legs, deliberately rubbing against his cock along the way, but not
focusing there. Eggsy remembered Harry doing that to him on more than one
occasion, and it was nice, feeling like he was riding it with just a little bit
of pressure.
To his satisfaction, Harry’s breath hitched. He spread his legs just wide
enough to let Eggsy move, and tightened when Harry wanted to keep him there.
They spent a long moment like that, just getting used to the feeling of Eggsy
setting the rhythm, of him pushing between Harry’s legs. Even if he had to sit
a little lower to do so, it wasn’t as awkward as he’d thought it would be.
While his leg rubbed in between Harry’s, his own cock was trapped between them
as well, and it was easy to imagine feeling this kind of pleasure while
actually being inside.
Every time Eggsy pushed a little harder or rubbed Harry’s cock just right,
Harry breathed deep in a way that told Eggsy he was thinking about it, too, and
it sounded like he enjoyed it.
After a little too long rubbing like that, Eggsy reached for the packet of lube
that had come with the box. He didn’t know if they’d need to find more, but it
was at hand and he didn’t want to wait. He tore it open and spread it over his
fingers, letting Harry watch as he did so, and then wrapped them around Harry’s
cock.
Harry’s eyes shuttered and he let out a soft moan while Eggsy gently worked
him. This, too, was familiar, but Harry understood that right now it was just
to help with the dryness and likely nothing more. He still encouraged Eggsy to
be thorough though with little thrusts of his hips into Eggsy’s hand.
When Eggsy was finally satisfied, he thought for a minute and then pushed his
boxers down before kicking them to the side. He didn’t want to do this with
them on after all, not when he could feel Harry’s skin against his own. He
spread a little more lube between them and then resumed a few more rocking
thrusts.
Harry seemed content to lay back and let him take control, until Eggsy sat up
and looked over the harness.
Immediately, Harry was up to help him put it on. He must have guessed that it
would be awkward the first time, and that Eggsy might be embarrassed, so,
deftly, he took it and fitted the dildo into place and then slid the straps
around Eggsy’s hips and waist. His hands moved swiftly, but slowly enough that
Eggsy could watch what he was doing.
When Harry was done, it was snug and waited fairly well. Surprisingly so. Eggsy
had thought it might have felt less secure than it did from what images he’d
seen of such things. Harry lifted up to press a kiss against Eggsy’s mouth and
distracted him for long moment. He didn’t seem to be trying to calm Eggsy or
anything like that, more like he went in just because Eggsy was there and open
to it.
There were probably a lot of times lately that Harry wanted to kiss him, but
refrained. Eggsy had caught some of them, seen Harry studying him with a
certain wistful look on his face for too long before realising he was caught
and glancing away. It had been up to Eggsy to initiate things if he wanted to,
however, not Harry.
Now that Harry had the chance, he was taking it. He nibbled at Eggsy’s lower
lip and looped his arms around Eggsy’s back, indulging before he pulled away
again.
When Harry laid back down on the bed, he pulled Eggsy with him.
Eggsy went slowly, deciding how to fit himself atop Harry now that he had an
extra…appendage. It rested just above his own, smaller cock, and Eggsy thought
he might just be able to reach under it and stroke himself if he wanted to.
He laid atop Harry, both of them stretching out, and fortunately Eggsy wasn’t
as short as he used to be, because apart from Harry’s long legs, he could align
himself well enough so that Harry’s cock rubbed against the toy between his
legs and he could still wrap his arms around Harry’s shoulders.
There were a few minutes of just getting a sense of how Eggsy could move and
how he had to position himself with Harry. Harry, meanwhile, helpfully guided
Eggsy with gentle touches to where he wanted. Eggsy gave experimental thrusts,
rubbing up against Harry and trying to manage it in ways that gave Harry
pleasure as well.
Harry kissed him whenever Eggsy started to overthink it. He drew a hand down
Eggsy’s back, cupped his arse, and pulled until Eggsy started thrusting again,
guiding him in preparation.
All of this would come a little more naturally if it had been his real cock,
Eggsy suspected, but that wasn’t to say it was difficult, either. He let his
hands wander over Harry’s body in the way that Harry so often did with him.
Like he owned it. Like Harry was his to do as he pleased, all spread out just
for him. And Eggsy remembered wanting that, so long ago, not just wanting to be
loved, but wanting someone like Harry. He’d thought he’d set his sights on
Harry first. He’d never lost that appreciation, but sometimes it was easy to
let it be overshadowed by Harry’s desire for him and the things Harry did to
secure what he wanted.
Eggsy broke their kiss to move down to Harry’s neck. He felt it when the man
swallowed. With pressure, he could feel Harry’s pulse. He moved down until he
reached Harry’s collar bone and found a scar here and there. Eggsy kissed over
them, remembering just how dangerous the job could be with the help of these
vivid little reminders. He tried not to linger there too long, however.
Harry’s hands fell to Eggsy’s back, letting him explore without interruption.
Whenever Eggsy did something Harry liked, he let out a soft sound, or lifted
just a little to press back into the touch and encourage Eggsy on. They both
knew Harry didn’t have to be this submissive. That wasn’t necessarily even part
of the arrangement, but it was apparently an experience Harry wanted to give to
Eggsy, when he felt confident enough for it.
When Eggsy moved down to Harry’s belly button, he laughed, apparently ticklish.
Eggsy just did it again, enjoying the sound. Harry’s hands fell into his hair
and ruffled it, and Eggsy noted the man was growing even harder. Maybe it was
anticipation. Maybe it was Eggsy’s position, down low on Harry’s stomach,
resting just above his hips like he was about to take Harry’s cock in his
mouth. But Harry’s hands remained relaxed in Eggsy’s hair, and he didn’t try to
lead Eggsy towards sucking him off.
All the better that Harry was as aroused as he was for this, that much Eggsy
knew from experience.
Finally, Eggsy went for the packet of lube again and swiped some onto his
fingers. He made sure that Harry could see what he was doing, just in case, but
Harry gave no objections and his hips even shifted like he was impatient for
it. Eggsy smiled up at him.
It occurred to Eggsy that even if Harry had done this before, it would have
been a while ago. He wasn’t sure if that really mattered. Eggsy had never
forgotten what it felt like to have Harry inside him. Harry probably
remembered, even if it was longer.
Still, Eggsy was tentative as he reached his hand down, trailing his fingers
lightly over Harry’s skin along the point where his thigh met his pelvis,
recreating a sense memory that Harry himself had given Eggsy, until he dipped
lower, stroking with a little more pressure just beneath Harry’s balls, and
then down farther.
Harry’s eyes drifted lower as Eggsy pressed a finger lightly over his entrance.
His legs parted by degrees, just enough to tell Eggsy that it was still
welcome. Harry didn’t close his eyes all the way though.
Eggsy could tell he was still being watched as he circled a finger there. He
did that for a while, just watching the expression on Harry’s face before
finally applying pressure. Eggsy’s finger sank inside Harry through a ring of
resistance, tight, but not too tight for it to be painful, Eggsy knew. It was
soft and strange. Eggsy had only ever done this to himself before, but when he
had, he’d had the benefit of feeling it from the other side as well.
He let Harry take a minute to get used to it, even though Eggsy knew one finger
wasn’t too much at all. He was also letting himself get used to it, he
supposed, before he made sure he had enough lube and then added another.
Harry made no sounds of discomfort, or anything other than the parting of his
legs just a fraction wider. Eggsy’s fingers weren’t very large to begin with.
They were slender, and not very long. Eggsy did know how to use them, however.
He pressed in a little farther and pushed up, searching and rubbing at the same
time until Harry let out a soft gasp.
Harry wasn’t surprised that Eggsy was able to do that, but he was surprised at
the sensation. It was one he hadn’t felt in a long time. To be sure that Eggsy
knew it was appreciated and not unwelcome, he shifted his hips down the next
time Eggsy pressed up, working subtly against him to create more of that
friction.
Again, Harry moaned and his eyes blinked open to better watch.
Eggsy grinned. Harry was taking to this better than he’d thought. On the other
hand, he’d always known Harry was a bit of a lush, but he looked completely
indulgent, spread out on the bed, wide open and moving against Eggsy like he
didn’t care about anything else in the world. Eggsy tried to move deeper and
still stroke where it would give Harry the most pleasure. The more he did this,
the more certain he became that the way Harry prepared him was not going to do
as much to prepare Harry with his small fingers. He worked in a third anyway,
knowing that tight ring of muscle was what he needed to focus on most. And
Harry did feel tight around him.
The man’s expression changed only slightly. He didn’t wince or show any outward
signs of pain, but he certainly felt it. Still he lifted his hips to meet
Eggsy’s little thrusting motions and looked to be in pleasure while getting his
prostate rubbed. He was lucky he’d taught Eggsy about that spot so well, Eggsy
decided.
Laid out like that, Harry didn’t look at all the threatening spy Eggsy
remembered so vividly sometimes. He looked more like the Harry Eggsy had known
when they first met.
After a few minutes more, Eggsy finally decided it was time. Harry wasn’t going
to get any more ready than he already was, and Eggsy didn’t want to draw out
the foreplay so long either of them might start to overthink things. He drew
his fingers out and went for the lube again, feeling the butterflies back in
his stomach, but knowing this was his job now. He knew the motions from Harry.
Liberal amounts of lube, deliberate motions, careful to watch his partner’s
face for signs of discomfort.
It still felt strange for Eggsy to be doing it now. Especially when he applied
it to the toy sticking up between his legs as though it were a real cock. For a
few seconds longer than necessary, Eggsy kept stroking the thing, covering it
thoroughly with lube. Out of curiosity, he did so like he was enjoying it as
though it were his own. The motion had been for himself at first, something
purely exploratory, but then he caught Harry watching through half lidded eyes.
Eggsy gave him a small, crooked smile, and then climbed up over him again for a
kiss.
Harry sighed into it, relaxed but still quite eager. Eggsy could feel his
arousal between them, as hard as Eggsy’s own improvised one. Just as Eggsy was
having doubts about the whole thing, that he was beginning to think he should
ask Harry one more time if he really wanted this, but knowing it would be even
more awkward at this point, Harry placed his hands on either side of Eggsy’s
face and refused to let him go.
For a long moment, Harry controlled the kiss. He wanted Eggsy to stay and
directed him to do so with a solid resistance that wasn’t there a minute ago,
but it was familiar. Perhaps not as often during their kisses, but there were
many times Harry held him in place when he wanted to, and Eggsy allowed it, or
playfully fought it. Pinning Eggsy down was one of them, and memories of it
sparked in Eggsy’s mind. Somehow, he found them reassuring. And this little
display of Harry’s, of Harry wanting him, even with what he was about to do to
Harry, that was reassuring, too.
Eggsy licked his lips when Harry finally let go. He stayed there a moment, arms
planted against the bed, caging Harry in. Their eyes met, and Harry’s were
still filled with familiar fondness and heat, and perhaps the lightest furrow
of a question in his brow. So Eggsy responded with a surer smile, and let
himself settle back into the mindset he’d wanted.
They were really going to do this.
Eggsy didn’t take his eyes away from Harry’s until his fingers drifted down
Harry’s body again and light hairs turned to coarse ones, until his palm found
the ridge of a hip and his fingers found Harry’s cock. Eggsy stroked it idly
while he sat up to better position himself. Every one of his movements were
from Harry. They’d settled somewhere in the back of his mind in a database of
touches that he was somehow able to call upon when needed. He was almost
surprised he could, but equally glad for it.
With one hand still around Harry’s cock, Eggsy aligned the toy with the other.
He bit his lip and watched it brush at the place between Harry’s legs, still
spread open for him. He watched the tendons where the man’s thighs met his hips
strain, just waiting for it. Finally, Eggsy placed the tip against Harry and
began to push.
Almost immediately, Harry’s mouth fell open. Not too wide, just a little part
of his lips, but it was a sight to see. Eggsy nearly stopped, thinking he might
have hurt Harry, but then quickly realised he shouldn’t if he didn’t want to
draw out the discomfort too long.
After another moment, Harry seemed to recover from the initial feeling.
Apparently, it had been a while since he’d had this particular experience. His
breath still came gently, however, and besides the slight tension in his face,
his body remained relaxed. It either didn’t hurt that much, or Harry was simply
used to withstanding discomforts.
When Eggsy had guided it all the way in and he was leaning over Harry again,
Harry shifted his hips up, finding the angle he wanted while Eggsy stayed as
still as he could.
Eggsy could barely believe this was happening. When he glanced down, he could
just see the end of the toy going into Harry, between his own still slim hips
and Harry’s wider ones. It was…remarkable, the thought that Eggsy had no idea
who had ever done this to Harry before, and suspected it was very, very few. He
couldn’t help but wonder if the last time Harry did this, outside of a mission,
was when he was still a boy himself. Or maybe a young man. Either seemed
likely. The thought gave Eggsy such a surge of affection that it was hard not
to smile down at Harry and accidentally look like he was enjoying the man’s
pain a little too much.
That thought, in turn, made it even harder.
When Harry’s eyes opened again and caught him at it, Harry let out a soft
breath that sounded a lot like amusement. “You like this, do you?” His voice
was a rough purr. Quiet and challenging, and something that sent tingles down
Eggsy’s back. “Let’s see how you like it when we’re really moving,” Harry
hooked his ankles around Eggsy’s back and pulled him in.
Eggsy went with it, moving just a little deeper and then rocking back with the
natural movement as Harry let up. There was no discomfort on Harry’s face that
time, just a small breath. The second time Harry’s legs pulled him in, Eggsy
pushed forward deliberately, testing out the motion for himself. It was easy
enough with how snug the straps were, and if he just looked down, he would
watch it sink into Harry.
Eggsy quickly found it was hard to pull his eyes away. It wasn’t his own cock,
but it could have been, and he felt an answering surge of arousal at merely the
thought alone. He began breathing a little harder himself the more they rocked
like that.
Harry was definitely feeling it. Every other thrust, he let out a hitch of
breath and Eggsy felt the muscles in his thighs tighten. Eggsy tried a
different angle, moving until Harry let out a soft gasp that sounded like
pleasure. He bit his lip and did it again, and got the same response. Harry’s
eyes even closed, but he didn’t stop helping Eggsy along.
Along with the way Harry’s head tipped back, his chest expanded, and his hips
started moving in counter to Eggsy’s small thrusts, came a heady rush of
satisfaction over Eggsy. He was doing this to Harry. He was the one causing
this pleasure. He was the one who had control of it. And so he started moving
in his own rhythm, timing his thrusts just to see the expressions change on
Harry’s face. Soon Harry stopped encouraging him forward and simply began
pressing back against him to the rhythm Eggsy chose. It hadn’t been as easy to
do this from the bottom, but now, Eggsy didn’t have to fight for control at
all. He simply had it.
Harry’s hands reached down and took hold of his thighs, gripping lightly, but
not stopping Eggsy. It was more like Harry just wanted to feel him. Eggsy’s
hands wrapped around his wrists in return and his thrusts didn’t stop, just
another little sign of how he was in control.
Usually, Harry fought back if Eggsy wanted to fight for this role in the first
place. It was always in play. He’d never reversed their positions or held Eggsy
down against Eggsy’s wishes, and whenever Eggsy really wanted to fight, Harry
always let him win. This time, it was a little different. There was no token
protest on Harry’s part. And there wasn’t meant to be. Eggsy wasn’t taking
anything away from him and claiming it for himself; this role was Eggsy’s from
the start.
When Harry opened his eyes, he looked like he wanted something, however. Eggsy
didn’t realise what it was until Harry twisted his wrists and took hold of
Eggsy’s, pulling him down while lifting himself up at the waist. Harry pulled
him in for a kiss. It wasn’t the most comfortable angle for either of them, but
Harry was fervent about it and he refused to let Eggsy go until he’d gotten a
proper taste of him.
When they broke, Harry collapsed back down and moaned softly at the next
thrust. And the one after. And the one after that. Eggsy gripped his hips
tight, head in the clouds with the sensation of seeing Harry like this, coming
undone further and further. He hadn’t quite imagined it so vividly before. In
his mind, Harry underneath him had been some approximation of this, but he had
failed to anticipate just how it would feel to be in this position.
Finally, when Harry’s returning thrusts began to get less coordinated, when his
soft grunts grew an edge to them, Eggsy took pity and wrapped a hand around his
cock.
Harry let out a loud groan at that, his mouth open, looking a little bit
obscene. His hair was falling into his eyes from the way he jerked his head,
lifting his hips into Eggsy’s hand. He’d appreciated that, it seemed. Quite a
lot. Harry’s fervour doubled, but still Eggsy controlled the pace.
It took a few strokes for Eggsy to match it properly in time with his hips, but
once he did, Harry was panting softly at every one. He sped up, realising it
wouldn’t be long now, not with the way Harry was writhing and how hard his
hands were clenching against Eggsy’s thighs again. Eggsy bit his lip, sat up a
bit, and began to drive home as fast and as hard as he could.
He was right. Harry didn’t last long after that. He threw his head back against
the mattress and seemed to have trouble keeping his eyes open. At the end, his
countering thrusts lost their rhythm completely. When Harry came, it was in
long ropes over his stomach and a long and low whine.
Grinning, Eggsy rode all the way through it, squeezing his cock gently until
the last drop fell and then slowing his hips to a standstill. He didn’t realise
how hard he’d been breathing until they stopped. Between the two of them, it
was tough to tell who was louder.
Harry lay there, back against the mattress and hands still clutched at Eggsy’s
thighs although they’d lost their tight grip. His eyes had finally closed. He
looked like he’d been frozen in the moment until his eyes opened. He looked at
Eggsy and sighed softly. A small smile graced his face, and his hands turned
gentle against Eggsy’s thighs, massaging them slowly up and then back down
again.
Eggsy realised he should pull out, and did so as carefully as he could. It
didn’t seem to bother Harry any. Harry just lifted up, hooked an arm around his
middle, and pulled him down atop the man.
Eggsy let out a laugh before Harry kissed him. Long and slow, Harry relished it
while he came the rest of the way down from orgasm.
When they parted, Eggsy didn’t pull back, and Harry didn’t let him. “Not bad
for your first time,” Harry mused.
“Looks that way.” Eggsy glanced down to Harry’s stomach and then grinned back
up at him. “Now you know what it feels like, yeah? Or, you have a new reminder.
Whenever you do that to me….” He got distracted looking down again, seeing the
toy still wrapped around his waist, pressed up against Harry where they lay
together and Harry’s spent cock lying half hard next to it.
Harry glanced down as well. “It is quite a different experience, I’ll grant
you. However, I still believe I owe you a thank you. For taking care of me so
well.” He raised his brow and looked pointedly between Eggsy’s legs.
Harry wasn’t referring to the toy, however. As much satisfaction as Eggsy had
gotten out of that encounter, he hadn’t actually gotten off or had much
stimulation for himself besides the occasional bit of rubbing. Harry seemed
keen on remedying that. When Eggsy didn’t protest, Harry’s hands found their
way to the harness and undid the straps around Eggsy’s waist, removing the
dildo and setting it aside entirely. In a few simple motions, Eggsy was himself
again.
Harry turned them so that Eggsy was on his side and Harry could lean over him,
pressing a kiss to his lips that grew heated with Harry’s intent.
Even though Eggsy couldn’t do this with the dildo, he definitely wasn’t going
to turn Harry down. He’d gotten what he wanted, and now he got to enjoy a
little bit more.
Harry began working his way down Eggsy’s body, and Eggsy sat back and relaxed.
He let his legs fall apart when Harry settled between them, and propped his
head up with his arms behind it to watch with a smile.
“So confident now,” Harry teased, glancing up at him. “Be careful. It can be
all too easy to become overly cocky that way.”
Eggsy screwed his eyes shut and groaned. “Harry. Outta all the horrible puns in
the world, you gotta pull that one?” He felt like kicking the man, just for
ruining the mood.
Harry quickly made up for it, however, and lowered his head to press kisses
between Eggsy’s thighs, circling his cock. The real one this time, and it made
all the difference. Harry’s lips and tongue were a tease, pressing everywhere
but where Eggsy wanted him, but it was nice, too. Harry didn’t draw it out too
far, just enough to get Eggsy excited for what he did next.
He started with his tongue alone, drawing up the underside of Eggsy’s shorter
length and drawing breath out of him along the way. Harry swirled around the
head of it and then brought his lips down, slowly encasing the whole thing in
his mouth until he reached the base. For a moment he lingered there, breathing
Eggsy in and undulating his tongue along the underside, forcing Eggsy to
wriggle with the sensation.
Again, Harry didn’t tease for too long. He must have known Eggsy had been
aroused throughout the whole thing and had been waiting up until now for any
relief whatsoever. When he began to suck, it was slow, but deliberate, each
stroke firm.
Eggsy threaded his fingers in Harry’s hair, clutching tight. He wasn’t yet
ready to give up the role he’d taken on that morning, not totally, and
directing Harry like this was an absolute pleasure. Once Harry felt the pull of
hands, he gave over the rhythm to Eggsy. Still sucking just as hard, Eggsy
began to quicken the pace ever so slightly. He thought about what it would be
like, someday, to have Harry do this with him at full size. Harry loved his
cock when it was little. That had always been obvious in the way he lavished
attention on it and touched it whenever he could, but Eggsy was pretty sure now
that Harry would still do this for him. He closed his eyes and let the
sensations take hold.
Harry remained focused on his task. Even though the pace picked up little by
little, the strength of his tongue remained the same. This wasn’t all about
thanking Eggsy. This was Harry enjoying himself. Enjoying Eggsy. Getting to
have the boy like this again. Every time he could, it meant something to him.
Eggsy knew it, too. And so far, Eggsy had not abused that desperation, or that
gratitude in Harry.
Someday, they might return to the surety they’d once had. Neither knew when,
but it seemed possible. Especially in moments like this.
When Eggsy came, he gripped Harry tight by the hair and didn’t let him pull
back. Harry gave no indication that he wanted to. His tongue moved over the
head of Eggsy’s cock, licking until the wave of sensation had passed all the
way through him, and then some.
Dazedly, after his head had slumped back against the mattress, Eggsy realised
Harry was licking up whatever drops of cum he’d released. He glanced down just
as Harry was pulling off and smiling up at Eggsy with that soft, satisfied look
he had about him. Eggsy took a deep breath and pulled him up.
Harry went easily in for a kiss, settling down beside Eggsy even though Eggsy
didn’t let him go far. There was a slight taste of salt on Harry’s tongue, but
it was hard to tell if that was anything more than sweat.
When they parted, Harry burrowed against the mattress and pulled Eggsy close
with an arm around his middle. This was more like what they used to do, with
Harry’s long body curved around him, wrapped in a loose embrace. It was a
comfort for Eggsy, but he suspected it was even more so for Harry now.
They laid like that for a long time. Neither wanting to move until the sweat
and the slick on their skin dried and cooled, and then Harry brought a blanket
up over their shoulders to make it last a little longer. It was one of those
moments time stood still. There was nothing outside of their bed. No Kingsman.
No Merlin. No hotel. And no future.
But there was the past. Moments like this, Eggsy could remember. There were
dozens of them in Harry’s house, in Harry’s bed, in Harry’s arms…when he’d
wanted to be nowhere else. Just as he did now.
Harry nuzzled against Eggsy’s cheek. If he could speak without words, Eggsy
suspected he might have been saying the same. Harry was probably too into the
moment to speak. Maybe he feared he would break it, just like Eggsy had felt
many times lately when they’d had a moment together. He didn’t feel that way as
much just then though.
“Thank you, Harry.” Eggsy turned just enough to look in his eyes, and offered a
small smile.
An answering smile spread across Harry’s face. He reached up to touch Eggsy’s
hair, to run a hand down his neck and stroke along his jaw. “Thank you, Eggsy.”
Harry lifted Eggsy’s hand and pressed a kiss to it, which should have seemed
funny, but it wasn’t. Eggsy had the vague memory of Harry doing that to him
sometime long ago, and he’d been struck by how much of a gentleman Harry really
was. Not the snooty, more important than everybody else type, but a real one.
One who didn’t actually think himself better than anyone else, and wasn’t, not
by any stretch of societal or ethical standards, but Harry knew that. Somewhere
along the line, Harry had accepted that as his lot in life.
It wasn’t until Eggsy that he’d realised he could do better. And still be who
he was.
Eggsy smiled back, squeezing Harry’s hand. It was all so much to think about,
just then, but the realisation resonated inside Eggsy, deep down. “Yeah,” he
said, soft as Harry had done, “thank me, too.” It was cheeky, but he meant it.
He was grateful for what Harry had done for him, but he was sure that Harry
wouldn’t have done it for anyone else, and Harry knew it, too.
Harry held Eggsy in his arms and Eggsy let himself drift in peace, in and out
of thought and blank nothingness, coloured with little more than feeling and
the physical sensations of comfort around him. For once, he felt safe and
secure enough to let go of the worries in his mind. He stopped thinking about
how long it had been since he’d felt that way, stopped thinking about the past
or the future, or anything but how he felt just then and what they might do for
the rest of the day. Thoughts of breakfast made his stomach rumble. Thoughts of
the slopes, this time with Harry, made his sore muscles ache, but in a good
way. Thoughts of the plane ride home left him with excitement to see the jet
again, and wonder at whether their landing back at Kingsman headquarters would
be nearly as cool as their takeoff.
When Eggsy’s stomach rumbled for the second time, Harry chuckled and placed a
kiss at his temple. “Time to get up, I think. Let me check in with merlin and
then we’ll go and find some breakfast. What do you say?” He sat up and ruffled
Eggsy’s hair affectionately, looking every bit the man Eggsy had wished he
could have when he was littler. The man he’d had for a time.
“Sounds good. Lemme just get cleaned up a bit. Again.” Eggsy snorted and, with
a sigh, made himself get up with Harry’s help.
Harry found a towel and wrapped it around himself as he went for his glasses,
giving Eggsy first use of the bathroom. When Eggsy turned on the faucet and ran
a wash cloth over the sticky places, he heard Harry’s dulcet tones speaking
with Merlin. He sounded pleased enough with the conversation, so Eggsy guessed
that they were ok to spend the day, but more than that, there was something in
Harry’s tone that was more agreeable than usual. Happy, Eggsy would have said.
When he was finished, he found Harry had collected their clothes and placed
them in neat piles at the foot of the bed. Harry was smiling at him, and
finished with the conversation, glasses set back on the table. Eggsy caught
Harry around the waist as he passed, however, and with effort swung the man
around and pulled him down for another kiss.
Surprised as Harry was, he was also pleased enough for a laugh and a firm press
of his mouth back. He sighed into it before Eggsy released him, and with a
lingering look, disappeared into the toilet.
Eggsy was sure that whatever they did for the rest of the day, and the days
soon to come, for once, he was looking forward to it.
***** Chapter 60 *****
Chapter Notes
     Thank you all for sticking around, only a couple chapters left.
On the flight home, Eggsy slept against Harry’s side.
It was just like old times, Harry thought, having one arm around the boy with
his head on his chest and legs—longer now—curled up on the seat with him.
Except that now they were in the jet, and Eggsy had completed his very own
mission. With flying colours.
The boy was beyond remarkable. And Harry was beyond awed by him. Still.
Soaring through the sky with the mountains beneath them ever so slowly being
swallowed up by dusk, Harry hoped that he would get to be awed by Eggsy for a
long time yet to come. It would be more than he deserved, and more than he had
dared hope for.
When they landed, of course, Harry mentioned none of that. He patted Eggsy’s
back, smiled, and told him he’d been drooling.
Eggsy wiped the back of his hand over his mouth and found none, catching
himself in confusion and then looking back up at Harry, who was trying not to
smile. Eggsy scoffed at him and then yawned. “Quit playin’.”
Eggsy was all swagger as they descended into Kingsman headquarters with their
luggage tucked under their arms or wheeling behind them, and Harry thought it
fit just so. He could not hide his smile then, watching Eggsy from behind,
greeting the landing crew like he owned the place.
Eggsy would go on to carry that air of confidence and success throughout the
formal debriefing at Harry’s side with Merlin and the other handlers
documenting the mission. Harry couldn’t help but notice the way they were taken
with him and his own particular charm. “Bit ah’ rough,” he called it, and Harry
could imagine ten different places he might have picked that expression up.
Harry was taken in by it all the same.
By the time they left, it was well past midnight. The underground train was
familiar for Harry, but unfamiliar with Eggsy in it. It was funny how that, of
all things, was what struck Harry. More than Eggsy walking down the halls of
HQ, more than him sharing the private jet, or speaking with Merlin over the
com, it was sitting alone in the quiet of the tube. Harry sat there every
morning and every evening, and watching Eggsy stare out the slim window at the
passing darkness was like seeing it for the first time.
Neither bothered unpacking before they went to bed. Their suitcases were left
at the foot of the stairs, and Harry turned on the downstairs light only long
enough to remove their jackets and kick off their shoes.
Eggsy was chattering about something tiredly as they ascended, and Harry let
him have first go at the toilet. He turned the light on his room and looked
around, glad to see his own bed. They had not been gone for long, and,
admittedly, he’d spent his most enjoyable moments of this mission in bed, but
Eggsy had more to do with that than the hotel comforters did.
When the door opened again and Eggsy came out, Harry went to go take his turn.
He found the boy stretching in the hall, a little slice of skin peeking out
above the top of his trousers his shirt didn’t quite cover. But Eggsy dropped
his arms and sighed in contentment when he laid eyes on Harry. “Think I’m
headed to bed.”
It was one of the most casual statements Eggsy had made that day, and yet it
brought Harry up short when he realised what Eggsy meant.
Eggsy gave him a tired smile, as though he wasn’t thinking anything of it, and
then went to turn the light on in the room across the short hall. His room.
Of course his room. Harry chastised himself. He put on a smile. “Alright. Have
a good night. And don’t forget your tutors will be here in the morning.” He
paused and waited by the door, and sure enough, a groan emanated from Eggsy’s
room. Harry huffed a small laugh. “Back to life as usual, I’m afraid.”
“Can’t I have one more day off?” Eggsy called back around the sound of
shuffling and the slide of fabric. “Don’t I deserve it?” It was easy to
envision him changing into his pyjamas and folding back the covers of his bed,
even though Harry couldn’t see him from his position around the corner.
“I think you’ve had rewards aplenty for your hard work. As you well deserve,
but as they say with all good things, they must come to an end.” Harry smiled
to himself.
And then Eggsy came around the door, this time in loose, cotton pyjamas that
made him look so comfortable he might have fallen asleep on his feet. Harry
found his smile wasn’t difficult anymore. “Have a good night, Eggsy.”
“G’night, Harry.” Eggsy’s smile was all in his eyes and the corner of his
mouth. It was a cheeky, sleepy expression that made Harry’s heart warm and
think about how charming Eggsy was going to be very soon. Eggsy gave another
yawn and closed the door behind him. But not all the way, Harry noted. He left
it open just a crack, enough for the light to slip through and fall in a sliver
as soon as Harry turned off the light in the hall.
Somehow, Harry felt better after that. Not that he’d felt bad, he reminded
himself, just that, well, that he’d gotten used to Eggsy in his bed. It was
surprising how quickly that happened. A little switch in his mind flipping back
to ‘normal’. Normal for them, once.
Maybe normal again, someday.
With that thought in mind, Harry brushed his teeth and cleaned up for the
night, then checked on Eggsy’s door once more before he, too, retired to bed.
===============================================================================
Tutors came and went as the weeks passed, an endless stream of them through
Harry’s door. They set up at the dining table, or, if Eggsy could get away with
it, the coffee table where he could enjoy the comfort of the couch. Diligently,
Harry kept the upstairs off limits, even though it was only the bedrooms and
his office. Civilian-proof as it was, he absolutely did not want any tutors
poking about up there.
And Eggsy was bored. He couldn’t hide it. He was cooped up in the house, and,
even if he loved this house in ways he hadn’t realised—an affection for its
dark wood panelling and the curl of the rail at the bottom of the staircase and
the familiar smell of the library or the way the stairs into the garage weren’t
scary even though it could be pitch black if he didn’t turn the light on at the
top…. But none of that took away the fact that he spent all his time there and
nowhere else now.
Harry caught him lounging on the couch with his homework spread out on the
floor, skimming channels in a haze for too-long hours. He caught Eggsy drifting
listlessly back and forth from the kitchen to the living room for no particular
reason except to get up and move and pretend he had something to do.
He kept up with his tutors, but did so begrudgingly.
So Harry brought up the idea of Eggsy going back to school again. Delicately,
at first. And at first Eggsy had the same reaction he’d had the last time
they’d talked about it, and so Harry dropped the subject. Then, a few days
later, Eggsy revived it again. Just a mention, nothing positive, but Eggsy knew
how he was feeling and knew that a change might make a difference. On some
level, he knew that he should be in the world again, not just cooped up in
Harry’s house.
It was strange, how there was still a tug of war inside him. The desire to be
there in Harry’s domain and its familiarity every waking moment, and the ever
present, bitter knowledge that it wasn’t completely right, either. He was
settled now, more or less, but he had yet to relax.
So they talked about school. Eggsy flat out refused to attend any sort of
boarding school, but he didn’t want to return to his old one, either. Too many
memories. He wasn’t in the same place anymore, and he wouldn’t fit there. His
friends wouldn’t remember him. Or if they did, they’d ask questions he couldn’t
answer. It filled the pit of his stomach with anxiety just to think about, and
dread if they ever met again. Of course he knew the gist of what he would say.
That his mum had lost custody and he’d moved away. Make himself sound boring
and the like, show no interest in catching up. He knew anyone who knew him
before would move on after an encounter like that, but he dreaded the thought
of it.
Harry didn’t push, but eventually Eggsy came around to the idea of something in
the middle. They went through schools in the neighbourhood and decided on a few
potentials. He didn’t want to start right away though. Something about it made
him nervous, the thought of diving in that deep, committing to something like
that, even if it was perfectly normal to do so. Tutors were easier. They were
not friends, although they were friendly enough. They were hired and could be
let go just as easily. It seemed irrational, even to Eggsy when he thought
about it, but the tutors felt easier for the time being.
Harry took him out instead. Whenever he could, he would bring Eggsy to a park
or the movies or any new thing in town he could think of.
Eggsy did not have friends, and he was wary of trying, wary of getting too
close to anyone who wasn’t Harry, even though he was always friendly enough
with strangers they met. But Harry knew that he would need some, someday.
Although Eggsy kept his own room as he’d intended, there were nights he still
went to Harry’s. Sometimes just to sleep. Sometimes more. The first time it
happened since they’d been back from the mission in the Alps, Eggsy simply
showed up at Harry’s door as he was getting ready for bed.
Already in his pyjamas, Eggsy seemed hesitant for a moment, glancing to the
floor and then back up at Harry, who had been at the dresser, buttoning his
shirt. Eggsy then glanced to the bed. “Think I can stay with you for the
night?”
It was as straightforward as that.
“Of course.” Harry pulled back the covers and Eggsy stepped through the
threshold, and just like that he was back in Harry’s bed. Back even on the side
he had grown used to. The one that used to be his.
Harry slid in beside him and then found he was a little unsure of what to do.
Unsure of what Eggsy wanted, precisely, and what he didn’t. He hesitated to
turn off the light.
Eggsy pulled up the covers and offered Harry a fond look, just like the ones he
wore years ago when he hadn’t always been so confident. It wasn’t meant to be
coy, only reassuring, a smile to tell Harry that this was ok. That that was all
he wanted. Eggsy turned on his side towards Harry and made himself comfortable.
And so Harry turned out the light and did the same. He kept s a small distance
between them, but laid his head down on the pillow next to Eggsy’s. In the dim
glow of the street light outside the window, Harry could see him. Eggsy hadn’t
stopped watching Harry, either. But Harry decided he didn’t want even that much
distance between them. And judging by Eggsy’s presence and the fact that Eggsy
hadn’t put that distance there, Harry thought might find a small touch welcome.
So he reached out and laid his hand over Eggsy’s side.
Eggsy closed his eyes. The small curve of his mouth looked a little less shy. A
little more relaxed. He let himself curl towards Harry a little more.
That was enough for Harry, too, and they fell asleep that night happier than
they were before.
And so Eggsy slowly began to relax. In Harry’s house and, occasionally, in
Harry’s bed, but these things weren’t just Harry’s. Harry’s was the only house
Eggsy had ever really called home. He had vague memories of his early childhood
at the estates with his mum and his dad, and those memories were some of his
fondest—when everything was simple and nothing ever hurt, where there were
Christmas trees with silver tinsel and red and gold and green bulbs and
presents underneath. And sometimes Eggsy would crawl underneath, too. He’d had
favourite places like that in the flat. But those places had disappeared with
his dad. His mum never kept them very well. His room had been his only
sanctuary sometimes, and it hadn’t felt as welcoming back then.
But he’d had Harry, too. The beginnings of Harry.
Harry had seemed a bit of a fool in those days—a sweet and charming, dashingly
handsome fool who always had time for Eggsy even though he shouldn’t have. No
adult ever had time for Eggsy like that before. And Eggsy, well, Eggsy had been
a brash kid, ready to get out of the flat any way that he could. And he hadn’t
been stupid. He’d been wary in all the right ways. He remembered them well,
suspicious of Harry’s friendship with the neighbour, suspicious of Harry’s
dog…suspicious of someone like Harry around that neighbourhood at all.
But Eggsy had wanted to be loved more than he’d wanted to be suspicious. And…he
didn’t think he regretted it now. He couldn’t. He certainly hadn’t asked for
the past couple years, but if he hadn’t met Harry…. If Harry hadn’t loved him
the way Harry had, Eggsy would have never gotten to experience that. He would
have never gotten to love Harry back. And he still did. At that point, even in
his young life, he knew he always would.
So it became a little easier to fall back into a routine, once Eggsy began to
get used to being around Harry again. It was strange how easy it was, how
comfortable he felt feeling himself slip back into old habits and feelings. The
ease in which it happened even frightened him a little. Instinct and self
preservation pulled him back when he noticed himself slipping into that state,
and his days sometimes felt like floundering in water, sometimes above the
surface and sometimes below.
But Harry was patient with him.
Or perhaps patient was the wrong word. Harry was always patient. There was no
one more patient in the world than Harry, Eggsy often imagined. But Harry never
asked for more, nor insinuated that he wanted more until Eggsy made the offer
first. And Eggsy appreciated that beyond measure.
Eggsy wasn’t the insecure kid he’d once been—at least not with Harry. He was
secure in the knowledge that Harry wanted him, and that Harry was dedicated to
him, even if certain doubts about his age and the type of love Harry could
offer still surfaced once in a while. But Harry had pined over him for years,
and hadn’t let go when he was gone. Whatever they had in the future, Eggsy felt
that counted for something. Eggsy could believe that Harry would always love
him in one way or another, and…after long nights thinking, he began to feel
sure that that was what he wanted most.
Sure, he wanted Harry to love him as Harry had, always. But if that didn’t
happen—if he had to accept that things would change—then he thought that maybe
he could accept that so long as Harry still loved him in a way.
And that didn’t seem to be happening yet.
Eggsy didn’t want to wait on pins and needles for the day it did, either. He
knew he had to get out of the house. He had to make other friends, even if he
didn’t want to. He should have had better self preservation instincts than
that, to find people to lean on if he couldn’t lean on Harry forever. He used
to be so good at making friends when he was little. A lot of the older boys in
the estates had been good with him. Not all of them, sure—he remembered a few
nasty ones, but he’d had friends. When he’d lived with the drug runners, he
hadn’t had any. But that was no wonder. He hadn’t felt safe with them, not on
that sort of level. They were all in it for business and that was survival.
He had the chance now that he had a life outside of survival again. He just
wasn’t sure he wanted to, or even remembered how with any sort of honesty.
Growing close to Harry and all Harry’s secrets had separated him from everyone
else. Anyone else. Eggsy didn’t even know if Harry had intended that in the
beginning. Certainly Harry had with where his mum was concerned, but as far as
other friends…. If he had, Eggsy knew it was for th sake of what Eggsy was to
Harry, and what Harry was to Eggsy. Always for the sake of those secrets.
Harry’s life was a world of secrets, and so Eggsy’s had followed suit.
Eggsy wasn’t sure how he felt about that now. He’d become used to it. He’d kept
up that mentality in the years he’d been away from Harry, and so maybe it had
become a part of him. He wasn’t sure he could let it go now, if he did try to
make any real friends.
But he began to think on it more as the days passed and the tutors grew more
tiresome and the idea of going back to school began to feel more inevitable.
The defencive, childlike part of him may have wanted to stay cooped up in the
house forever, but he began to realise that he couldn’t. That he might even
want to go out.
When Eggsy tentatively voiced a thought in that direction, Harry encouraged it.
Eggsy mused aloud about the skate park over dinner one night. He hadn’t been
there in ages, and his thoughts began to wander over the way he remembered it.
He couldn’t help but wonder if it was still the same as back then.
Harry had calmly suggested he take a ride down there one of those days, just to
see, and for the first time in a long time, Eggsy didn’t immediately fear that
Harry was trying to get rid of him.
Eggsy brought up ideas like that probably a dozen times before he acted on one
and stepped foot outside the house.
It was the weekend, so no lessons, and Harry was home. Eggsy could have stayed
in, but he thought maybe he’d like to check out some of the hangouts he’d known
about down by the river and see if they were still there. Then, maybe—just
maybe—he’d swing by the old skate park.
Harry’s hand didn’t waver when Eggsy announced his plans in the middle of
taking a sip of coffee, but Eggsy could tell he was surprised.
Harry spent too long licking his lips and setting the cup down, but he hummed
in a thoughtful manner—one that sounded a lot like approval. “I think the fresh
air might do you good,” was all he offered, clearly trying not to put any extra
pressure on Eggsy’s decision. They’d gone out together often enough, but Eggsy
rarely went out alone, and when he did it was rarely farther than the shops
round the corner. “Take some cash from the table on the way out.”
That was that. Harry went back to his newspaper and avoided making any further
comment, preferring to act as though this was normal, but he also wanted to
make sure Eggsy had enough for the fair even if he had to take a cab. Super spy
he may be, but sometimes Harry was so obvious.
“See you in a bit,” was all Eggsy added in return, as though this were normal.
It had been, once. And he didn’t want to acknowledge that it had become not-
normal at some point since being back. Or even before then. Eggsy had been able
to go where he pleased, more or less, but there were reasons he’d stayed away
from familiar areas back then.
He drew a deep breath and headed out, swiping some cash Harry often left for
him on the table beside the front door along the way.
The chill hit him as soon as he stepped outside, and Eggsy wrapped his coat
tighter around himself to banish it. The sun was bright even through the clouds
today, and although the effect created a dull grey tint to the sky, it was not
a bad day for an excursion overall. Eggsy even began to appreciate the chill of
the air as he headed off, hands in his pockets and making his way down the
street for the tube.
Whenever he went with Harry, they used a cab. Whenever Eggsy went anywhere
alone, he rarely did. He’d never quite gotten used to it, and he didn’t like
being in the enclosed space with a stranger. Someone who’d look down on him if
Harry wasn’t there.
But he wasn’t bothered about that today. The tube was preferable to a cab. He
wanted to be among the wider world again, if just for a day. So he sat with the
rest of the commuters, taking familiar lines down to the water, watching
familiar stations pass out the windows along the way.
Once he arrived and set foot back on the platform, it struck him that he was
free again. As ‘free’ as he ever could be in London, or anywhere in this world,
when Harry was concerned, but for the moment he stood looking out at the
ferries on the water, a lone still figure on the walk with people passing all
around him. No one knew him, no one cared about him, and that was…kind of nice.
He was back with Harry now and that meant that even Merlin probably wasn’t
watching.
He better not be, anyway.
But for the first time, when that familiar thought entered Eggsy’s head, he
remembered Merlin’s voice in his ear as he flew down an [Austrian] slope—and
for once, Merlin had been on his side. When Eggsy had had no one else. And when
Harry and Merlin had had no one else to depend on, either. For the very first
time, he felt a prickle of confidence that even if Merlin were watching, it
wouldn’t matter so much anymore. Not when Eggsy gained the man’s respect, even
just that once.
He began to walk.
He left the main streets and headed down to see if he could find the old
hangouts the boys his age used to like to slip off to—sheds and docks they
could hide behind and smoke or just get away and feel like they were somewhere
else, in the thrumming heart of the city. Where they could watch the boats go
by and imagine stowing away on one and just float on down the river.
It had made for nice fantasies back then, but all the hideaways Eggsy found now
were deserted. He supposed they hadn’t been heavily trafficked anyway, but it
made him wonder if any of the boys he’d known back then were still around. The
memories were nice, but he didn’t feel the inclination to linger long after
returning once, and he doubted he’d return again.
As he was leaving, the skate park began to linger on his mind. It wasn’t far.
And if he got back on the tube then, he probably wouldn’t have another chance
to see it in quite a while. Who knew how long, in fact, with the way this day
out had been so rare to start with.
Eggsy lingered at the crossroads, and at the last minute, decided to turn back
towards the water and see what he could find. He had more than enough money now
not to worry about catching another ride if he needed to.
He hadn’t expected to feel anything other than the wistful familiarity he’d
felt at the view of the river, but as Eggsy headed towards the park, his heart
began beating faster and his spirits began to rise with anticipation. The park
was one place he could be sure was populated.
His racing heart didn’t slow the whole way there.
He could tell when he was getting closer, catching sight of older teens and a
couple kids his age along the way dressed in bright colours. His own clothes
were a bit toned down compared to his usual style, but he wouldn’t stand out.
Not like he’d started dressing like Harry or anything, they were just…new these
days. And Eggsy didn’t plan on hanging around and talking with anyone for long.
He really just wanted to see the place.
As he crossed the last street, he could already hear the faint, tinny rumble of
a radio from the other side of the wall, and immediately he could imagine the
inside well enough. Memories flooded his mind, but the radio played a new song,
not one he recognised from his days there, and the memories turned slightly
surreal.
He made sure to round the corner on the far side. The park wasn’t much of a
‘park’ at all, as it was fairly enclosed with half the place being inside and
the other half being partially walled off from the outside. Eggsy just wanted
to check it out at first—make sure he didn’t recognise anyone. More
importantly, make sure no one recognised him. It would have been years, but
still he didn’t want to risk it. Didn’t want to explain anything, not even the
stories he’d come up with knowing he may have to someday if it ever happened.
His feet hit the pavement and at first glance, he didn’t recognise any of the
kids loitering about at the wall or idly kicking their boards around some of
the smaller ramps. Garishly coloured graffiti gave them a backdrop they could
almost blend into with bright jackets and trainers, but Eggsy picked them out
one by one as he made his approach slowly, keeping to the outskirts of the
concrete.
He tried to be subtle about it, looking like he was curious, but not up to
anything in particular or looking for anyone in particular. Although that may
not have been the best idea, he realised as he got closer. Many of the regulars
here would want to say hi to a new kid if one just came wandering in. He
probably couldn’t avoid that unless he said he was looking for someone.
Eggsy caught a group of boys eyeing him from a rail not far away, and they
weren’t being tactful about it. Not rude, exactly just, probably trying to get
a reaction. So he made eye contact and lifted his head in a quiet hello, but
didn’t stop to introduce himself.
If he’d been here in the old days, he’d have brought his board and tried some
tricks before asking to use a ramp with them, and that would have been enough
to give him an in.
Vague memories of the ski trip came back to him as he walked among the skaters.
Thinking of befriending any of them was probably what caused it—those first
hellos, the way kids his age and younger responded to a new face…. But Eggsy
wasn’t on a mission here. This was supposed to be real, just him checking out
an old skate park he used to haunt with his real friends. He didn’t have to
think about whether he was friendly enough or cool enough to befriend anyone
here, not for those reasons.
“Oi, you lookin’ for someone?” one of the teenagers with scraggly green hair
asked as he passed. He sounded like he might have been some kid’s older
brother, used to that role.
“Nah, just checkin’ the place out s’all.” Eggsy shrugged, but kept his voice
light enough not to sound rude. Not too interested, but not too disinterested
either. Always a careful balance.
The guy’s attention dropped from him after a friendly nod and that was that.
Eggsy could get back into this, if he wanted to, he began to realise. It felt
easy walking among the skaters, watching them, remembering the days he’d had
his own board here. They’d accept him. He looked just liked them, even spoke
just like them, and all in a way that would be easier than him trying to fit in
with Harry or the Wilsons or the rest of the people in that neighbourhood.
But something in him hesitated at the thought. He had a new life now, whether
he wanted to step into that class and that world of people or not. He’d always
be burdened with Harry’s secrets. If he did step back into this crowd, and try
to make real friends, he wasn’t sure they would feel real anymore. Eggsy had
been afraid of trying that for a long time.
He sighed, standing at the top of a staircase that led down to the indoor
ramps. Nowhere inside the park was heated, and the metal railing felt like ice
against his fingers, but he didn’t let go of it. He wanted something to ground
him before he went back. He knew he had to, but he wanted to feel like he was
really here if only for just a few minutes, and he wanted to take that memory
back with him.
He took in a deep breath of air and listened to the voices bounce off the walls
below. Kids having fun, playing in their own worlds where making it over the
highest ramp or the longest jump was their greatest achievement. They’d talk
about such things back at school during the week before they could slip off
here again and try even harder just to make it a little farther, a little
higher…. All in hopes of being a little cooler to their friends.
Eggsy swallowed. He wasn’t a part of that world anymore.
A lump formed in his throat as he unclasped his hands from the rail and began
to turn back. Time to go. He’d done what he came to do, saw what he’d come to
see, but then, out of the corner of his eye, something caught his attention.
A boy on the floor below, just at the bottom of the steps, had vaulted himself
off the top of a ramp and landed atop one of the pipes only to run down it and
then launch himself onto the spine of another ramp without ever touching the
ground. Eggsy paused.
He’d never seen anything quite like that before. The kid didn’t appear to be
running from anyone, not like a game of tag where someone was chasing him and
he was trying to keep out of their reach. When Eggsy leaned back up to the rail
and peered down to catch sight of him again, he was still going. It looked more
like he was trying to run an obstacle course over the ramps without touching
the ground. And he was good at it, too.
The kid nearly fell once, jumping between two of them, but he stuck his feet
out at the last second and caught himself between two walls, using the friction
to keep himself supported.
Eggsy’s mouth fell open.
The kid spread his hands out and, being just able to reach the wall on either
side of him, began to use both feet and hands to propel himself upwards to the
top. Below, shouts and applause came from the small crowd that had gathered. He
wasn’t even on a skateboard, but he had everyone’s attention. Including
Eggsy’s.
Back up on the top of the ramp, the kid took a bow and then slid back down.
Eggsy watched him descend to the ground, wondering what that was. Some of the
others were trying to mimic him, running at the back of a ramp that formed a
wall and then launching themselves off it like they were in some kind of karate
film, but Eggsy could see they weren’t as good. But he guessed that if they
were, the end result would have been a back flip off the wall.
For the next ten minutes, Eggsy was rooted to the spot, entranced. The
skateboards that used to fill his head with tricks and grinds and half pipes
seemed pale in comparison to the sheer physicality and simplicity of what this
boy had done, running through the ramps like they’d been an obstacle course
just waiting for him.
With his heart racing, Eggsy’s hands let go of the railing one more time, but
this time his feet didn’t carry him towards the street. This time, they carried
him down the staircase.
Joining the other kids on the underground floor was strangely familiar and
unfamiliar at the same time. He remembered the place well enough, but none of
the faces, and certainly not this kind of activity. The kid who’d been running
over the ramps before had a friend who was pretty good at it, too. That boy
joined the others trying to run up the wall, but he was able to do it and
execute a back flip almost perfectly. The landing was a little shaky, but he
made it all the way around without issue and as far as the kids were concerned,
that was great.
Eggsy’s fingers gripped the cold railing as he watched them, very quickly
becoming aware of the muscles and tendons in his body. Half remembered moves on
the parallel bars at gymnastics flooded his mind and his fingers itched to let
go. His feet itched to join them.
He took a breath and then stepped into the small crowd, catching bits of the
conversation and watching as a few more of the boys tried to execute some of
the moves the the other two had done. Eggsy paid close attention, watching the
way one of them planted his feet as he ran up the wall and pushed off it. One
step, two steps, and flip. Again, one, two, and flip.
Years ago, Eggsy had been able to do something similar, but not in this
setting. He glanced down at his trainers, and determined they were just
flexible enough that maybe, maybe he could try. If he failed, he wouldn’t be
any worse than the other kids who were trying and weren’t nearly as impressive.
Most of them just ran at the wall and tried to climb as high as they could go
with the friction of their trainers instead of attempting the flip at the end.
No one wanted to break their necks.
Neither did Eggsy, truth be told. He didn’t even know why he was down here
except that the sight of what that boy had done had drawn him like nothing else
had in a long time. It had drawn him in the way he’d first ever seen men
performing gymnastics and he’d tried it himself. It had been a long time since
he’d felt that spark.
He stepped away from the group of kids watching and began to shrug out of his
jacket, sizing up the wall. Kids were skateboarding on the other side of it,
the other side being a ramp, and it really wasn’t that wide. But the kids
making attempts to copy the two more experienced ones were taking turns, more
or less, so all Eggsy had to do was wait to join them.
The chill bit into his skin as he tossed aside his coat, making sure that his
phone and money were safe in his trousers before he let it go, and he began to
wonder if he was really going to do this. He hadn’t been keeping up with
gymnastics in a long time. He wasn’t too out of shape or anything, and he knew
he was still confident in himself and capable. The stark drop of a ski slope
filled his mind’s eye as he stared at the wall, remembering the way he’d felt
knowing there was no other way but down, and now.
He’d had no practise for this recently, but Eggsy remembered the way it felt.
He remembered how to pull his legs and lift himself into the air, how to throw
his head back and let his shoulders follow, how to tuck his legs in at just the
right time and follow through.
The other kids weren’t expecting him to join, although a few had noticed him
taking off his coat and eyeing up the wall. When he stepped up to the position
they’d all been starting from though, they let him in. He didn’t want to go two
at a time like some of the others had been, so he waited for another boy to
finish before he took a breath, stared hard at the wall, and remembered what
the motions were like from years ago.
He crouched for a second, skin tingling and muscles tight, and for that split
second he heard Merlin’s voice in his ear again, telling him he could do this,
that it was just a little further, and he imagined Harry’s smiling face at the
end.
Eggsy took off.
He sprinted the short distance to the wall, let his body do the thinking for
him, and planted his feet against it—one step, two steps, and then the push-
off. He was up in the air higher than he’d ever been for a back flip before,
but he felt his weight catch the motion and he threw his head back, shoulders
following, knees bending—all just like he remembered. And then his feet hit the
ground with a slap.
He’d done it.
He stood there, breathing hard, a little stunned that he’d pulled it off. He
wasn’t sure he’d actually taken the time to think about what would happen if he
didn’t. Or what would happen if he did.
“Whoaah!” A shout came up from behind him, breaking the spontaneous silence
that had descended upon the group when a new kid showed up out of nowhere and
managed to copy the move perfectly. And then the silence broke as others joined
in the exclamation. A smattering of claps rose up in the air and someone
shouted “Damn, kid, where’d you come from?”
Eggsy laughed and looked around. The other boys his age, the ones who’d been
trying to run up the wall without doing the flip, came over now, all of them
talking at once. Everyone, all around him, was all talking at once. The kid
Eggsy had watched running the ramps to start with even came over to tell him
that was cool, and Eggsy didn’t hesitate to say that he’d seen him doing the
obstacle course.
The kid just laughed and told him it was called parkour.
Eggsy stayed with them for hours after that. The two who were good at it were
named Jesse and Nuts, and Eggsy didn’t ask how Nuts had gotten his name and
Nuts didn’t ask how Eggsy had gotten his. They told him all about it, how they
ran anywhere they could like that, turning London into their own little jungle
gym of sorts. They only had to be fast enough to get away from the cops if they
needed to. And Eggsy soaked up every word.
They showed him more moves, some that he was able to pull off, and others he
wasn’t, but none felt so far out of reach that he lost the spark of interest
that seated itself so quickly and so thoroughly into his chest the moment he
saw Jesse flying over the ramps.
He stayed hours later than he thought he would. Even in his wildest imaginings
of running into old friends there and them somehow hitting it off again, he had
not imagined this. By the time the sun was going down and the street lights
came on, Eggsy realised he’d stayed half the day, and he was exhausted, but all
the other boys were all going home, and so he knew he might as well, too.
Halfway through he’d forgotten about why he went there to start with. In the
midst of their tricks, he’d forgotten the nostalgia he felt for this place or
the faces that were missing from it. He forgot that there was no one down by
the water anymore, and that he’d half hoped that maybe there would have been.
When he did remember those things, Eggsy realised that maybe having a day like
today was better after all.
It was something new. Something exciting, that didn’t have any weight attached
to it, and something that he was good at.
Of course the other kids invited him back. He said sure, that he’d think about
it, but he already hoped that he could.
He knew as he walked away, waving goodbye for the night, that he might not. He
might feel differently in the morning. The risk in making new friends who knew
him as Eggsy and would ask questions about where he came from and who he knew
might not be worth it. But his spirits were high as he left, and he wanted
nothing more than to enjoy that feeling for a while, while he could.
When he came home that night, Harry had dinner ready, and didn’t ask how his
day was until they were settled in. It was a calm affair for how unusual the
day had been for Eggsy, but with Harry’s gentle questions, he opened up and
told him about going back to the park and the new tricks he’d seen there, and
Harry seemed to approve. Honestly approve, if the smile at the corner of his
mouth and the warmth in his eyes were any indication. That was one of Harry’s
real smiles, and so Eggsy didn’t feel bad for leaving the house or trying to
make friends.
Harry had always told him he shouldn’t feel bad about those things anyway, and
most of the time Eggsy tried not to think about it with any sort of guilt. It
was the wary side of him that kept him away, but for once tonight, he had let
himself enjoy something and engage with other people over it without strings
attached.
Harry seemed honestly happy for him. And that was a nice feeling.
After dinner, Eggsy was so tired all he wanted to do was sit in the living room
with Harry and watch the telly, and Harry was quite content to let Eggsy
snuggle up to his side and sprawl his legs out on the couch. It was a position
they had spent a lot of time in reverse, with Harry and his long legs spread
out and Eggsy nestled in either in the crook of them or beside him. But now
Harry put his arm around Eggsy and stroked his shoulder as they watched some
slow film that Eggsy was too comfortable to pay much attention to. His mind
kept drifting even though he wasn’t yet tired enough to go to sleep.
He rested his head in Harry’s lap and let his eyes droop, and Harry took it as
invitation to run his fingers through Eggsy’s hair. Such fine strands, always
soft, never coarse even when Eggsy put product in it. His whole body had gone
limp against Harry, like a breathing puddle of a human, and Harry found it both
amusing and delightfully endearing.
It wasn’t so rare that Eggsy got this close these days. Not since their mission
together. Certainly not anything to be taken for granted, but not so unusual
that Harry was left holding his breath and dreading the moment Eggsy would pull
away and not come back for days on end again. This was comfortable. And
unbelievably nice.
Eggsy rubbed his cheek into Harry’s trouser leg and let his eyes drift closed.
He sighed softly and curled his fingers against the soft fabric—some
ridiculously high thread count that only Kingsman tailors could provide, he
assumed. He knew Harry would enjoy that, but Harry didn’t make a sound beyond
his soft, steady breathing nor give Eggsy any other response but the gentle
fingers in his hair.
“Can I sleep in your bed tonight?” Eggsy asked, quiet and content.
Harry only thought for a moment, probably calculating the events of the day
into his Eggsy-database and deciding whether or not that would be a good idea.
“Of course you can,” was the forthcoming answer, just as warm and gentle as his
hands.
“Thanks.” Eggsy knew Harry was staring at the side of his face, knew Harry was
enjoying the moment probably just as much as Eggsy was, and Eggsy liked that.
He was too tired to feel the hesitations and misgivings and the second thoughts
in every possible way he could think of, and all he wanted to do was enjoy this
moment on the couch with Harry after a day of being out. And Harry let him.
His breathing drew out in a deep rhythm and his eyes slipped closed. He felt
like his body was getting ready for sleep, but his mind wasn’t tired, as though
half of him could go under while the rest of him stayed in the waking world.
They sat like that for a long time. Eggsy dazedly wondered whether Harry would
ask about his day out, but Harry was leaving the subject untouched so far.
Surely Harry wondered, but he seemed to be neglecting the topic out of respect
rather than uncomfortable avoidance, and Eggsy could understand why.
Harry didn’t want to impose. He didn’t want to seem like he was checking in, or
pressuring Eggsy either way on whether he decided to go out or not.
Eggsy thought he should tell Harry, probably. There was no reason to keep it to
himself, and his day at the park had been quite eventful, all things
considered. Compared to what he’d expected, at the very least. But he kept it
to himself for now. Going there and staying so long hadn’t been anticipated,
and Eggsy didn’t know when he’d be back. He didn’t even know if he would go
again, although the excitement of the day still hadn’t totally worn off. His
thoughts still drew back to visions of the improvised obstacle course and the
methods he’d practised to run it. He could still feel echoes of the motions in
his limbs, and it was a pleasant feeling.
Eggsy didn’t know if he’d be back, but he hoped he would experience that again.
When it was finally time for bed, they went about their usual nightly routine
in comfortable silence. Everything was practised, everything was familiar, and
Eggsy didn’t feel nervous when he went into his room to change into his pyjamas
before joining Harry for the night.
He rarely felt nervous in Harry’s presence, when he really thought about it,
even when he’d been angry and upset. It struck him as a little strange, but it
was also a comfort, in a way.
Eggsy climbed in on his side of the bed and let Harry turn out the lights. It
dipped when Harry climbed in after him, Harry’s weight creating a far deeper
depression than his own, but the mattress was nice and plush and it didn’t
disturb Eggsy. He only felt it, that pull of gravity in the space Harry
created, when he scooted closer.
Eggsy wanted Harry’s arms around him, and he let Harry know by getting as close
as he could without any further suggestiveness in his movements.
Of course, Harry obliged. His arms wrapped around Eggsy and held him gently,
but firmly. The position allowed Eggsy to tuck his head under Harry’s chin and
curl into him. How familiar it was, the way Harry smelled after brushing his
teeth for the night and the day’s cologne still fading on his skin. It set a
deep sense of comfort into Eggsy’s bones. Harry smelled like home. Harry felt
like home. He felt like good memories if Eggsy just let himself sink into it.
Some of the best memories Eggsy had, in fact. But not all were specific ones.
Harry had driven himself deep into Eggsy’s subconscious mind and planted
himself there like a foundation. He could be ignored from time to time, but
never forgotten.
Eggsy wondered if he was planted in Harry’s mind the same way as he drifted off
to sleep. He liked to think that he was.
===============================================================================
Eggsy returned to the skate park not long after. It took him a lot to work up
to it. He spent a whole day thinking about it and staying in, a tug of war
going on inside him he hadn’t anticipated. He hadn’t anticipated the draw of a
new sport and how it would affect him. He hadn’t anticipated being able to feel
excited about something like that again, and yet there it was, creeping into
the back of his mind and making his heel tap at the floor, ready to get back
out there and move again.
Harry noticed his restlessness because Harry noticed everything. Over breakfast
his gaze darted from Eggsy’s jumpy leg up to meet Eggsy’s eyes with a knowing
quirk of the mouth, but Eggsy had brushed him off and tried to ignore it.
On the second day, he made it to the afternoon before he realised he didn’t
want to any longer. He wanted to go out, and his tutors had left for the day
already. He had homework to do, but he didn’t want to do it. His mind was
occupied by one thing alone, and he decided it was stupid to resist at that
point.
There was no risk to going out. Except that he might like it.
And wasn’t that just it—the real fear. Eggsy was afraid to like something
again. Afraid it may be taken away from him if circumstances ever changed. He
knew he’d done his best to see that that wouldn’t happen again, but the anxiety
sat deep inside him somewhere after every figure in his life had left at one
point or another. In one way or another. Even if one of them had come back.
So it took him another hour, mulling on that, before he decided he’d had
enough. This was something that couldn’t be taken away from him if he learnt to
do it. Not easily, at least. There were no boards or skates or any other
special equipment involved, simply Eggsy’s own skill and ability. If he had
that, it didn’t matter where he was or what was going on in his life.
And the other kids there, well, they were nice, but it wasn’t about them.
When Eggsy finally left, it was with determination to have a good time and
enjoy the rest of the day for himself alone. And that wasn’t difficult when his
mind was off his reservations.
He went down to the skate park and met up with a few kids who had been there
before, and he resumed the practise he’d started. Throughout the day, he spoke
to a lot of people, and even saw Nuts again and some of the other kids from the
day he’d first gone. It didn’t require effort, not like it had with the kids on
Harry’s mission, or the kids at the shelter or the drug runners. Eggsy didn’t
need anything from these kids. He was there to practise what he wanted to
learn, and they came and went as they pleased. He didn’t need their approval
and he didn’t even need to talk to anyone if he didn’t want to, so when he did,
it was easy.
Eggsy kept going after that. Day by day, sometimes he did, and sometimes he
didn’t, but the pull of this new game held his attention, and it was like a
breath of fresh air. He was even getting friendly with some of the other boys.
When he told Harry where he was going, Harry looked surprised, but immediately
happy for him, and Eggsy was grateful. Somewhere in the back of his mind, maybe
he’d feared Harry would have reservations. He didn’t know why Harry would—Eggsy
had gone over every reason not to go to the park himself and he hadn’t thought
of any important ones—but somehow he’d been hesitant. Whatever weight had been
on his shoulders fell away with Harry’s approval, however, and soon he was
happy to tell Harry about the new tricks he was learning, and even showed him a
few out in the mew.
Harry was impressed. Honestly impressed, and he congratulated Eggsy on his
skill and not having lost his muscle memory in the years since gymnastics, but
he didn’t suggest that Eggsy find a class and rejoin. Harry probably would have
encouraged it the moment Eggsy brought up something like that, but he could
tell this was an activity Eggsy enjoyed strictly without a structured
environment. And Harry didn’t interfere.
He let Eggsy make his own schedule apart from the tutoring lessons, and that
worked well for Eggsy. He may not have gone along with it had Harry tried to
impose one on him, and, frankly, neither of them would have been comfortable
with it.
When Harry wasn’t on missions, he kept to a regular schedule and that provided
some stability in the house. He made breakfast and dinner and went out to
exercise, and Eggsy fell into Harry’s routine when he wasn’t off on his own.
Being off on his own finally broke some of the funk he’d been in since
returning to the house. Eggsy had always clung desperately to what was his—his
freedoms, his strengths, his abilities, and his space—and he finally had some
of that back, things that were his and not shared with Harry or dependent upon
Harry. It made the times he was home easier, too.
So Eggsy began to get used to a new routine, as much as one could have a
routine living with a spy who was suddenly called away every few weeks and
often held irregular schedules. It was still hard not to worry over Harry, and
Harry was aware of that. Harry made it as easy on Eggsy as he possibly could,
telling Eggsy about his missions when he returned, either over dinner or over
nights spent curled up on the couch.
Harry did not often come back with injuries, and when he did they were minor.
For that, Eggsy was grateful. He remembered worse, but he had to remind himself
that he’d known Harry intimately for a long time now, and those times had been
very, very few. And Harry was better than he’d been when Eggsy had been gone.
He was more stable, not drinking so much, not running himself ragged. He was
less likely to get hurt.
All Eggsy had to do was try to forget that Harry only had to fuck up once for
all of it to end on a mission gone bad.
He didn’t let himself. Whenever his thoughts turned in that direction, he went
out. He went to meet up with the other boys—his friends now—who ran with him
through the city. After a few months, they’d expanded out of the skate park and
taken their game to any place they could. London was fast becoming their
playground.
If Harry knew, he never admonished Eggsy for it, only encouraged him. Eggsy and
the others had a couple close calls with the police for being the public
menaces they were, but they always managed to escape.
There were times Eggsy wondered what Harry would do, or could do, if he was
ever caught. Sure, running around on top of buildings and being an annoying
punk of a kid might get him pulled down to the station, but he wouldn’t be in
serious trouble, not compared to being caught running drugs or some of the
other stuff he used to have to do, but it would put him and Harry on their
radar and Harry wouldn’t appreciate that. So, Eggsy made up his mind never to
get caught.
And Harry let him do it.
Sometimes he wondered if Harry worried over him like he worried over Harry.
Maybe not quite to the same degree, but Eggsy’s escapades around the city
weren’t exactly safe by most standards. Even for a spy. Eggsy got to see Harry
train more often, and it was always in as safe an environment as he could
manage. Practising safely for the missions that wouldn’t be. But when Eggsy
played on concrete parks and ran over rooftops, there were no such precautions.
Sometimes he imagined Harry’s eyes lingering on the scrapes and bruises he
earned every now and then, but Harry never voiced hesitance over Eggsy’s
pastime.
Their lives had fallen half back into what they’d been before, and half into
something new. Eggsy had ‘friends’ now. Friends who took him out of the house,
but often he was eager to return to Harry at the end of the day and regale the
older man with his accomplishments and failures. The near misses with the cops
and the looks on the little old ladies’ faces as Eggsy scaled passed their
windows.
Harry would listen and laugh and laugh. The more Eggsy got into it, the more
Harry liked hearing him talk.
Eggsy didn’t always sleep in his own room, either. And sometimes when he went
to Harry’s, he didn’t always spend that time sleeping.
Those encounters were sporadic at first. Harry rarely knew when they were going
to happen. It always came about when Eggsy had gone too long without, when he
missed Harry just a little too much—his touch, his taste, his eyes, his
affection. Or sometimes Eggsy just came home excited and wanted a shag.
The more they happened, the more they became a part of the routine. Still not
regular, but regular enough that Harry could be certain it would happen again
within a week or two. And with those intimate moments, and the other kinds of
intimate moments they shared just living in the house together again, Harry
began to relax.
It was a strange thing for Eggsy to notice, since Harry always seemed relaxed,
but Harry did. It was something intangible, something Eggsy couldn’t quite put
his finger on, but he felt it between them. He began to realise it was coming
from himself, too. He was beginning to relax. As much as he could, anyway.
He let himself begin to collect things again—various personal items around the
house. Harry had bought him his own wardrobe early on, but Eggsy picked up a
couple books here and there when they went out. He’d been reluctant about those
things at first. Even though he’d wanted to make Harry pay for everything,
quite literally, he’d often chosen things to do and see rather than things for
himself to take home and keep. Somewhere along the line, having only a small
set of personal items had been easier than having ones he might lose.
He didn’t really intend to make a change there, but nevertheless, it happened.
Harry pointed out figures from a video game Eggsy liked, or a poster, and
somehow, one by one, they wound up in Eggsy’s room.
It was becoming his room again, although different than it had been before.
That time away would have been a long time for any kid, Eggsy realised on some
level, but he wasn’t sure if that made things any easier. At least he enjoyed
spending more time there, having his own personal space sometimes. Although his
heart still leapt with joy when he heard the click of the front door when Harry
got home late, or it would beat with quiet fondness when he’d been up late
doing homework or playing video games and heard Harry climbing the stairs out
in the hall.
It still amazed Eggsy, how Harry could be so many things in his life, all at
once. Months ago, he’d been terrified of him. Before that, he’d loved Harry
with all his heart, without hesitation. And now…now Harry didn’t frighten him
anymore. And he still loved Harry with all his heart, but Eggsy knew better
about the depths of darkness and desperation that could lie inside of people.
Inside of Harry, and many of the other men Eggsy had met since then.
Yet Eggsy still stayed up every night that Harry came home late, and he still
missed Harry every day that he was gone. Eggsy still feared for Harry, and he
found it strange how some of his fears could last and others could fade. Harry
hadn’t changed. Kingsman hadn’t changed, but Eggsy finally got a little more
perception on both. And finally got a taste of taking care of himself, for
once, and other people depending on him. That had been something he’d never
felt before. Except maybe those times when he was very young and Harry would
look at him like he was the most amazing thing in the world. Instant confidence
boost, right in Harry’s eyes.
But what he’d done on that mission for Kingsman had been different. A similar
feeling, perhaps, but very different on the whole.
Sometimes, Eggsy took out old photos of his dad and then stood in the mirror,
comparing them, imagining what he’d looked like if he could have seen himself
going down those slopes. Imagining what his dad might have been like as a
Kingsman agent in training.
Eggsy had a lot of suspicions about a lot of the people who made up the
organisation, and those suspicions had lasted a long time, but he didn’t
suspect his dad was hiding secrets like Harry was. Or like Merlin was. And when
Eggsy asked Harry about the other agents, Harry explained that some had their
deeply secret vices and others had a more standard fare. The usual sort that
people had. In Harry’s eyes, most everyone had a vice of some sort.
When Eggsy had asked Harry what Harry thought his vice was, Harry had sat back
across the dinner table with a thoughtful look, eyes looking through Eggsy more
than at him, until he finally answered. “Me.”
Eggsy hadn’t been able to argue that. But he at least considered himself safe
from developing any others at that point.
When Eggsy looked in the mirror and thought back to that trip, and imagined his
father’s face over his own, he could imagine what it might be like to do what
Harry did, but not be Harry. Eggsy knew he would only ever be himself. Trying
to be like Harry…. Maybe he could manage to do it for 15 minutes, but beyond
that he was sure the act would fall flat. But Eggsy had always been proud of
what his dad did, before he’d known what his dad did, and when he found out,
that hadn’t changed. But by all accounts Lee Unwin had managed to be
successful, even though he hadn’t been at all like Harry and the other agents
Eggsy had seen. And even Eggsy had managed to do well, better than expected,
the first time he’d gone on a mission with Harry.
It was a strange way to find a bit of confidence, Eggsy decided in the end.
Some confidence that he didn’t need to live up to the background Harry and
everyone in this neighbourhood and that organisation had—that Eggsy could do
the same work just as good, if not better, someday.
End Notes
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