Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1114371.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling
  Relationship:
      Sirius_Black/Harry_Potter
  Character:
      Remus_Lupin
  Additional Tags:
      Chan, Sex_Toys, Humor
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-01-04 Words: 4518
****** Nipple Clamps and Cinnamon Buns ******
by lq_traintracks_(lumosed_quill), traintracks
Summary
     In which Sirius is horny, Remus is scandalized, Harry is sort of
     caught in the middle, and everyone else is oblivious. Happy
     Christmas!
                                 The Sex Shop
 
Remus Lupin side-stepped through the aisles of the shop as though something
might fly off the shelf and start smacking him in the face. Which could very
well have happened.
"Oh for Pete's--" He cut himself off as he passed a particularly…enlarged item.
'Just a couple of things,' Sirius had said. 'I'd really appreciate it, Moony.'
'You're the best, Moony.'
Merlin!
Just a couple of things in a sex shop down Knockturn alley is all! Remus looked
down at the parchment Sirius had given him with the list on it. And this was
not 'a couple of things'! This was settling in for a long winter – with ten of
your kinkiest friends. Remus huffed again and once more began crab-walking down
the aisle, a carry basket's metal handles tucked into the crook of his elbow.
He could only hope everything would -- (he swallowed) -- fit.
A witch passed him going the other direction and gave him the eye. He gulped
and smiled politely at her, nodding a greeting. When she was past, he rolled
his eyes in mortified frustration.
He was at The Randy Wand.
Shopping for sex toys.
Two days before Christmas.
For his (apparently horny) housebound friend.
Remus could count on one hand the number of times he'd been in a sex shop. He
could actually count on two fingers. And the other time it was just for condoms
(He'd had a Muggle boyfriend for six days once), and he'd blushed Fire Toxin
red at the checkout.
The fact that it was Sirius Black was the only reason he'd agreed to this at
all. Sirius hadn't been able to breathe fresh air for weeks. He'd been cooped
up at the house like an aged, broomless witch. All he lacked were the feral
cats. He was Remus' oldest friend, and if he was this hard up… Well, Remus owed
him. For all the times he'd taken care of Remus when he was down with a bad
case of…well, being a werewolf, for all the loyalty and companionship over the
years… Yes, Sirius deserved at least this. Even if Remus actually died – laid
down, flat-out stopped breathing, and DIED from embarrassment right on the
spot.
He licked dry lips, came to an uneasy stop in the middle of the aisle, scanned
the shelves, and then squinted at a label on a bottle: 'Wizard Wayne's Wicked
Wet Whoopie'. Yes, that was the one on the list.
Econo-sized.
Jesus Christ.
Remus looked both ways down the aisle then reached out and picked up the
biggest bottle of the stuff they had. He dumped it into his little basket with
an 'Oomph', took a deep breath, and continued to the fabled 'Aisle Nine'.
"Happy Christmas to me," Remus muttered darkly.
Lubricant was the least of his worries.
 
 
 
                             Make the Yuletide Gay
 
Two days ago, Sirius had opened the door for his friend and been greeted with,
"I hate you," and two bags of sex toys thrust into his chest.
Now it was Christmas morning, and that same friend was sitting across from him
sipping tea, and he still looked like he half-meant it.
"Moony…"
"Shut it."
"It's for a good cause," Sirius tried beseechingly.
Remus glared at him. "You make shitty tea," he said.
"Now that's just mean."
"What on earth do you need all that for, Sirius? Wait!" he shouted, holding up
a hand and turning his head, shutting his eyes as though to even see Sirius'
lips move to speak in answer would disgust him too much. "Don't. I don't want
to know what you do alone with your…accoutrement."
Sirius had started to chuckle.
Remus huffed. Then, as if finding Sirius damnably irresistible, he faced him
abruptly once more. "What."
"Who says I'm alone?" He waggled his eyebrows. He pretty much expected Remus to
assume he was joking, but his friend always did seem to know when he was really
telling the truth.
"You have…someone? In the house? Right now?" Remus actually looked around the
kitchen then.
Sirius spoke with his tea cup nearing his lips. "Not yet. But he'll be here
today." He sipped, then checked his pocket watch. "Any time now, actually.
Bugger! I've got to wrap them!"
"They're Christmas presents ?!"
"Well…holiday presents. I don't know. Do you have to be Christian for them to
be Christmas presents?" He was already taking his empty mug to the sink.
"Merlin, Sirius, you're not thinking of…of of…"
"Giving the gifts in front of everyone? Heavens no."
Remus relaxed.
"Not without charming them to look like other things first."
Remus sputtered.
"Kingsley's coming, right?"
"Wha- Yes. Why?"
Sirius quirked a smile at his flustered (and now blushing) friend. "Because I
saw you snogging on the stairs last Order meeting and I was wondering if you'd
shagged yet and if you're an item or if I should keep pretending I don't know."
"You…!" Remus began. "But we were so careful."
"You call snogging of the stairs careful ?"
"Well…when you put it that way…" He frowned. "No."
Sirius walked over and slapped him on the arm. "I'm happy for you, mate. Jamie
and Lils would have been ecstatic for you." He looked through Remus then for a
moment. "They'd bloody flay me alive."
He shook himself, squeezed Remus' shoulder, and bounded out of the room, barely
catching Remus' vague, "Wait, what?"
 
 
                                Deck the Halls
Harry looked both ways down the street, pulled his wand, and did the
incantation. The door to 12 Grimmauld Place slid into view, and he bounded up
the steps two at a time, knocking hard on the cold door and then blowing on his
be-gloved hands, his damned warming charm having worn off.
It had been weeks.
Weeks.
Harry had missed those conversations with his godfather – the ones that had
gone straight on from night into morning. He missed laughing together. He
missed being taken seriously – someone knowing him down to what felt like his
very soul.
And let's face it, he missed the buggering.
Harry had very nearly wanked it right off in the interim. He wanked four, five
times a day, and every fantasy was about Sirius. His hands. His dirty mouth.
His gorgeous, long, hot, insatiable c—
The door swung open, and he was yanked inside by the front of his coat. "Holy
fuck!" Harry yelped.
But then he was dragged into his godfather's arms, held tight in his strong
embrace, and Sirius was fairly laughing his name into his hair, "Harry, Harry,
Harry, Harry…" and swaying back and forth. "God, I've missed you!"
"I've missed you, too," Harry told him. And he couldn't help it; his dick gave
a little jump.
Sirius pulled back to look at his face. "I've got you for two weeks," he said.
Harry blushed and nodded and dropped his gaze, but Sirius crooked a finger
under his chin and lifted it back again until he couldn't not look at the other
man. "So beautiful," Sirius whispered. His breath was all honey and pipe-smoke.
Harry swallowed. He wanted to be kissed. He wanted to be kissed more than
anything. "Are the others here?" he asked breathlessly. He was sure Sirius
would know why he was asking. Harry mentally calculated how long it might take
them to undress if Sirius simply Apparated them upstairs rather than making
Harry run.
But before he could answer, another voice rose from down the hall. " Harry??? "
"Come on," Sirius said, suddenly turning a bit dour. "There's no avoiding him."
He took Harry by the shoulder and urged him down the hall. Remus Lupin stood in
the middle of the hallway, aghast.
Harry gulped. "Professor, hello!" he tried brightly, but his cheeks were
burning hot with a sort of fizzy…awful…happy embarrassment.
Remus ignored him. "God in heaven, Sirius, when??"
And then the conversation went like this, walking all the while:
"Started in the cave."
"But that was-"
"Last year."
"And Harry was-"
"Fourteen."
"Merlin, are you a puh…a p-"
"No."
"You just like them-"
"Young? Not usually. You know my type, Remus."
"Drunk???"
That stopped them all in their tracks and got a chin-dropped stare leveled at
Remus. "This is HARRY," Sirius said, as though that should explain everything.
Harry just stood there under the wonderful weight of his arm, blinking,
wondering what would happen next. Sirius certainly wasn't caving. That meant
Remus would have to. And though he worried what his ex-Professor thought of
them, Harry couldn't help but feel warm and safe and protected – and like
everything would be all right – pressed to Sirius' side and under his wing.
Remus threw up his hands and exclaimed, "Well, Happy Christmas, Harry; you're
getting SEX TOYS from your GODFATHER!"
Harry couldn't suppress the gleefully surprised gasp that escaped him then.
Remus seemed to think it was maddening, while Sirius just chuffed bemusedly. He
started to stride down the hall toward the kitchen once more, leaving Harry to
follow if he wanted to, and he called back to Remus, "I'm in love with him,
Moony; GET OVER IT!"
Then he was heading down the stairs like he hadn't just rocked both of their
worlds.
Remus sighed and looked at Harry finally, perplexed. Then he sighed again. "I'd
have the bloody fool arrested by Muggles if I didn't love him so much."
Harry felt a truly weird smile slide crookedly over his face then, like only
the one corner of his mouth was happy, his eyes wide and freaked. He laughed
once. "H-happy holidays, Professor Lupin," he said inappropriately.
But finally the other man smiled at him. "Happy Holidays, Harry." Then he
clapped him on the shoulder. "I'm afraid you're the adult in this relationship.
Don't let him bugger it all up." The hand squeezed, and then Lupin Apparated
off somewhere.
 
 
                              The Christmas Party
 
 
"Thank Merlin you're here," Remus breathed as he made no pretense and fell into
Kingley's arms.
"Of course I'm here," the other man said, and Remus relished the feel of his
chest vibrating against his cheek with the words.
The day got a little better for a short while. The Weasleys, minus children,
showed up 'for an hour or so while the kids wear out their sugar high'; Tonks
burst in on a brisk wind with her new boyfriend from an offshoot of the Order
in Wales, Noah Starheart-Silverman, son of a pagan witch and a Jewish bookstore
owner – she couldn't have been happier…or more bright pink. Moody arrived and
promptly growled, "It's bloody snowing!" and everyone pressed to the windows to
see, steaming mugs of spiced cider and rum obscuring the view utterly.
Remus was feeling much better.
And then it was time to open the presents.
Molly Weasley went first, unwrapping what turned out to be a new wand case from
Kingsley. "Beautiful!" she declared. Then she held it up to show Arthur. "Isn't
it beautiful?"
"Mmm!" he agreed, though he'd just taken a large swallow of eggnog.
Then it was Harry's turn, and Remus' stomach plummeted into his boots.
"Oh…my God," Harry said, blushing madly as he opened the gold box and lifted
them out.
Remus leaned over to hiss in Sirius' ear, "You are reprehensible."
"I'm a genius," Sirius answered, his flashing eyes never leaving Harry and his
new voice-activated nipple clamps.
"He's fifteen!" Remus declared a bit too loudly.
Molly Weasley piped up, then, in her most joyful voice, still holding up her
new wand case and admiring it, "Oh, I think he can still wear reindeer slipper
socks if he wants to. Can't you, Harry?"
"Yes, ma'am," Harry answered dutifully, obviously trying not to smile too hard
or, worse, begin to laugh. He turned to Sirius, earnest, "Yes, Sirius, I like
them so very much."
Remus put a hand over his mouth to keep from calling his friend every vile name
in the book.
It went on like that: self-cleaning butt plug; vibrating cock-ring that
tightened automatically when the wearer was about to come, staving it off
('Hours of Fun!' the packaging promised); self-wielding paddle; the gigantic
lube. And with every one, "Oh what a lovely jumper!" "How delightful:
'Quidditch through the Ages, a Second Look'." "New dress robes…brilliant,
Sirius!"
"Brilliant…" Harry had echoed rather breathlessly, a bottle of a mysterious
potion simply called "Blowjob Beetlejuice" cradled in his hands.
Sirius looked like he was about to lose it. The reprobate.
Finally Harry opened what appeared to be AC/DC's 'Back in Black'.
Remus leaned over to Sirius. "All I see is rock music."
"That's because it's rock music," Sirius replied. Then, "Someone has to educate
the boy properly. Those Muggles really know what they're doing."
Remus just looked at him.
"What? I got him some Stones as well. And I bought him socks; does that make me
less of a monster? Or more of one? And contacts! I got him some bloody
contacts!"
Remus didn't have time to process that as Molly shouted excitedly, "Oh, I
almost forgot! This is from the kids, Harry," and she released a Howler into
the room.
The thing flew over to Harry and merrily screamed, "Happy Holidays, Harry! We
love you!"
Harry looked relieved. "I thought Howlers were always…"
"Pissed off!" Alastor snarled from the corner. Remus had forgotten he was
there. He was up to his chin in old wrapping paper, and almost all anyone could
see if him was the eye.
"Well…yeah," Harry said.
"Hermione charmed this one so that it would be nice," Molly said smiling. Then
the Howler let lose a spectacular farting sound. Molly dropped her eyes,
folding her hands as she added, "Ron charmed it, too."
"Please tell them thank you, Mrs. Weasley," Harry said.
Arthur spoke up. "We'll give them your regards right away. Shouldn't we be
taking off, Molly?"
"But I made Christmas pudding!" Tonks declared. "It's my first!"
"Yes, everyone for Christmas pudding now," Remus found himself shouting in an
overly cheery voice, standing and clapping his hands together. Anything to be
beyond the gift-giving.
"Splendid," Sirius agreed softly, reaching out and squeezing Remus' arm. It
felt like a question. Sirius' eyes were searching his.
"Not splendid," Remus objected. But as he looked over at Harry magicking all
his loot into a bottomless bag to take back to his room, his ire deflated. He
grabbed his friend up in a hug. "But good enough," he said.
And then truly awful Christmas pudding was choked down by all.
 
 
                                  The Bedroom
Everyone had said their good-nights. All but Shacklebolt and the Weasleys were
staying the night in the newly appointed guest rooms.
Sirius had waited until midnight to Apparate into Harry's bedroom. Harry was
naked on the bed. Except for the nipple clamps. The little gold pieces were
already squeezing, glinting in the firelight. Sirius lost his breath seeing his
boy like that, red nipples pinched tight, cock rearing up into the crevice of
his hip, his body rosy warm and the snow coming down like it might not ever
stop outside the dark window.
When Harry saw Sirius, he stood and came to him urgently. Sirius took him up in
his arms, the feel of his bare skin against Sirius' fully clothed body nearly
enough to undo him. Harry's chest pressed to Sirius', and he whimpered.
"Hurt?" Sirius whispered, already starting to rip at his own clothes; jacket
and vest heaping on the floor.
"Not yet," Harry breathed. Then he dropped to his knees and buried his face
between Sirius' legs like he was dying for it. Sirius gasped and ran a hand
through Harry's wild hair, still unbuttoning his shirt with his other hand.
Harry glanced up as his chest was bared, and his eyes went dark.
"Tighten," Sirius said, and then he watched Harry's eyes flutter closed as the
clamps did their thing. "Good?"
Harry just nodded vigorously. He looked back up at Sirius. "Feed me your cock."
That very thing jerked hard. Sirius opened his flies and took himself in hand.
Harry opened his mouth, and Sirius touched his prick to Harry's bottom lip. The
boy's tongue came out, and the pleasure of that tentative touch shot through
Sirius to his bones. He slid in. "Tighter," he whispered and felt the answering
moan of pain and arousal around his cock. "Squeeze rhythmically," he said,
then, and Harry groaned loud and long.
Then Harry set up his own rhythm, and Sirius took his head between his hands.
"I do so fancy your mouth," he said. Harry flicked under the crown in reply.
Sirius' head dropped back for a moment, and he couldn't stop his hips from
their slow thrusting. "Faster…" he told the clamps. Harry whimpered, and Sirius
knew they were pinching his nipples so fast and hard, emotionless metal
relentlessly fulfilling Sirius' demands.
Sirius was too close to coming in the boy's mouth from the thought of it. He
pulled Harry back up to his feet. He was unsteady, his pupils blown. "Release,"
Sirius said and then caught the little torturers as they fell, pocketing them.
Harry gasped when suddenly his nipples were bare. Even just the air probably
felt harsh on them now. They were red and begging. Sirius bent his head and
licked one softly. "Oh God!" Harry cried, grasping for his shoulders. Sirius
licked the other, a little harder, and Harry's knees nearly gave out. Sirius
felt his boy's whole body trembling through the taste of that one little nub on
his tongue.
Sirius unbent and then lifted him up until his feet just barely cleared the
floor. He walked Harry back into the wall, their faces close, breath bathing
one another's lips. He set Harry down matter-of –factly. "Face the wall," he
said. Then he pulled his wand from his back trouser pocket and Summoned several
items from the loot, holding them hanging in the air as he finally finished
undressing.
"I want to seeee you," Harry whined, excited hands balled into fists.
"I know. Be a good boy," Sirius whispered to him. He remembered their first
time in that cave – remembered Harry tracing his tattoos as though in a trance
– how Sirius had tried to stop him when his head sank down into Sirius' lap,
but Harry had resisted, unleashed Sirius' cock, and sucked on it. He remembered
how the come had glimmered on his lips. Indeed, there were times when Harry was
not a good boy per se, and Sirius loved all sides of him: the mischievous
curiosity, the courage of his convictions, and the utter submission…the quiet
way he'd capitulate for Sirius.
As he did now, head bowed, waiting for a touch on his over-eager cock.
Sirius palmed the potion first. He opened the bottle and got a little of the
gelatinous stuff on his fingertips. "Put your hands up on the wall," he said,
and Harry obeyed. "I'm going to put just a little of this on the tip of your
dick," he said. Harry shivered as he dabbed some on with two light fingers,
right over the moist slit. God, Harry's cockskin was so damned soft. Sirius
almost couldn't stop touching it. But he withdrew his hand and waited a moment.
"What's it supposed to-- Oh God…"
"Tell me," Sirius said.
"It's…it's like there's someone's…"
"Mouth on you."
Harry nodded. "Yeah. Oh God yeah…"
Sirius almost couldn't get the cock ring on quickly enough. But once he did, he
turned the vibrations on and his eyes nearly rolled back.
"Is that the-?"
"Yyyeeaahh," Sirius groaned. He got some lube on his shaft, sloppy with it,
beyond ready to be fucking Harry Potter. He lined up. But he waited. "Tell me
how it's licking your prick."
"Fuck…" Harry cried. "Sirius… Oh Sirius, it's so good."
Sirius could stand it no longer. He touched his cock to Harry's tight arsehole
and rejoiced at the boy's cry of pleasure. "Just wait till it's inside," he
murmured right behind his ear. Then, slowly, because it drove his Harry crazy
rather than because he was being careful, Sirius drove it home.
Harry arched back against him once he was all the way in. "Can't…believe…!"
Harry panted.
Sirius shuffled back a bit, bringing Harry's hips with him, letting him bend
more at the waist. Then Sirius started sliding his vibrating cock in and out,
grasping Harry's thin shoulders and watching it disappear inside him.
"You…getting…a good…blow job…my boy?" he asked.
"So…good I'm…gonna…come," Harry said. And then he did. He came all over the
floor with Sirius' dick reshaping his arse, keening his way through it, white
ropes flinging onto the wall.
When he was done trembling, his arse clenching around Sirius hard, Sirius
hauled him upright again and back against his chest. "I'm not," he murmured in
his ear. And then he started taking short, hard thrusts, moving Harry back in
against the wall and banging them both against it.
"Silencionum ," Harry had the presence of mind to say, and for a moment, Sirius
feared he wouldn't be able to speak. But the spell had been modified, changed,
and when Sirius opened his mouth, he found he could hear his own words and
Harry's whimpers, both, just fine.
"No…wand?" he said.
Harry shook his head. "Learned…to do…without it…for the…easy ones."
Sirius had never thought of such a spell being particularly easy but decided
he'd save his stunned appreciation of that for after. Right now his bollocks
were buzzing, and Harry's arse was like a soft wet kiss, and the vibrations
were driving him mad.
"You feel…so good…" Harry sighed. He leaned his head back on Sirius' shoulder,
closing his eyes. "So good…"
It was that sweet sated voice that did it. Sirius de-magiked the cock ring with
a quick dispeller, and in the next moment he was coming inside Harry – hard,
pulsing, fucking it deep, slowing…easing his cock through the warm mess, hard
jolts of arousal firing through his entire skin, down his legs, through his
chest, his very heart. "Harry…" he groaned, finishing. And then he just held
the boy's body back against his, his hands flat on Harry's chest and stomach.
"Harry…" he whispered, kissing his hair, cock barely rutting, the vibes
magicked low.
He stayed until he couldn't any longer. Then he Vanished the ring, and he
slipped out.
Harry turned in his arms, wrapped his own around Sirius' neck, smiled lazily,
and for the first time in weeks, they kissed.
 
                                  Boxing Day
 
Remus figured he'd be the first into the kitchen that morning. He'd heard Tonks
and her beau giggling over Firewhiskey late into the night, and honestly, if he
didn't have Kingsley at his back these days, he slept terribly and woke before
the sun. But he understood that being the inside man at the Ministry meant
sacrifices for both of them, and in large part, he'd gone back to give Tonks
some much needed time off, so it'd be rude of Remus to complain.
Still, when he arrived downstairs and found that Alastor already had a fire
roaring, tea and coffee on, cinnamon buns on the table, and the papers in and
dry, he was not only surprised but relieved. Until the man spoke. "You look
like hammered shit, Remus," he said, not looking up from his Daily Prophet.
"Thank you," Remus muttered and went straight to the teapot. "Oh, Darjeeling,"
he sighed after one sip. "I think I love you, Alastor."
The man snorted mightily and said nothing.
"Give me the French roast any day," came Sirius' voice from the doorway.
Remus thought about it for a moment, then heaved an overly dramatic put-out
sigh and said, "Then park your arse, and I'll pour you one."
"Cream. No sugar," came a new voice from behind Sirius.
Remus turned to see a subtle exchange of knowing smiles between the two. At
least Harry had had the foresight to don a t-shirt with his pajama bottoms.
Sirius was scratching his bare chest, in the same wrinkled trousers he'd worn
the night before, and stifling a yawn like some sort of cave-dwelling bear.
"I can get all that, if you like, Professor Lupin," Harry said. He fetched the
cream from the icebox and two more mugs. He poured cream in his mug and then in
Sirius', which, Remus knew, he'd previously taken black. Well…he supposed times
changed. After all, hadn't he taken to real butter after Kingsley had
complained about the margarine bucket? Remus poured coffee into each mug and
let Harry carry them; he so obviously wanted to be the one to do so.
Remus took a long swallow of tea and watched him, obviously love-struck, yes,
but not so much as to be sickening. Maybe Sirius was right. Maybe Harry was
just Harry. Remus frowned. "Harry," he said. "You look odd. Did you…? Is it
your hair? Did you cut it?"
Harry smiled. "Not the hair," he said, ruffling its already quirky spikes. "I'm
just not wearing my glasses," he informed.
And that was it. Remus looked at him – really looked at him – and it seemed
he'd grown an inch overnight. "Makes you look older," Remus told him.
Harry had the decency to blush a little. "I suppose that's probably a good
thing," he said. He slanted a glance at Sirius. Remus expected a lecherous
wink, but all he saw was a soft, warm smile before his friend sipped his
coffee.
Then Harry sat down, not too close but not far from his lover, and he picked up
a two-day-old New York Times.
Tonks arrived in the kitchen, stretched outrageously, and commented, "Quibbler
not good enough for you, kid?" Then she scratched her arse.
Harry smiled. "Hermione says there is much to be learned from Muggles."
"Like how to murder a guitar riff and dangle a cigarette from your mouth at the
same time a la Keith Richards?" she asked, mimicking some air guitar, her hair
suddenly jet-black.
"Pass the funnies, would you?" Sirius said.
"I don't think there are any," Harry informed him.
Sirius waved his outstretched hand in exasperation. "Well, give me the style
section then."
Harry held it out without looking at him.
"And a bun?" Sirius continued.
Harry pushed the plate over, already engrossed with his article.
It was all so…bloody normal.
Then Sirius said softly, "Thank you, love." And Harry's small smile could have
been overlooked by maybe anyone else and probably was.
But Remus saw it.
He also saw that Sirius had cinnamon bun frosting at both corners of his mouth,
up in his mustache, too, and he could hardly keep his eyes on the paper for
gazing at Harry.
Remus took his tea over, kicked Sirius in the shin moderately hard, and when
Sirius looked up at him, Remus just said, "Bugger off," their old version of 'I
love you even though you completely piss me off.' Sirius smiled and chewed.
Remus wandered over to the window, sat his arse on the ledge, warmed his hands
around the hot mug, and watched the enormous flakes continue to come down.

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