Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/4404845. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Rape/Non-Con, Underage Category: M/M Fandom: Supernatural_RPF Relationship: Jensen_Ackles/Jared_Padalecki Character: Jared_Padalecki, Jensen_Ackles, Colin_Ford Additional Tags: Homophobia, Extremely_Dubious_Consent, mentions_of_abuse, Mpreg, Past Underage, Alternate_Universe_-_Canon Collections: Supernatural_and_J2_Big_Bang_2015 Stats: Published: 2015-07-23 Words: 24172 ****** New Horizons ****** by Not_a_Mastermind Summary Things are going well for Jared and Jensen on Supernatural when a secret from their shared past gets out and changes their lives and the life of someone very unexpected. Notes Disclaimer: I don’t own supernatural, or any of its fine actors or their relatives. I do not presume to know their beliefs and opinions, those of this story are completely made up and fictional. I don’t have anything against any of the people in this story or their real life families, they are probably really wonderful people. I just needed a villain and used their names, again all beliefs and opinions are completely fiction. This story does contain a scene of underage extreme dub-con that borders on rape, and some may call it that so please be warned. Authors Notes: I suck at summaries but I do hope you all enjoy this story! Also I do realize that Teen Mom didn't air until 2009 but I needed to mention something relevant so I bumped the year down to 2008 to fit my time line. Also I made Jensen two years younger as well. And lastly in this AU men can become pregnant. Special Mentions: A very big thank you to my wonderful and very patient artist bluefire986 who should be a saint for waiting for me to get through will all my problems before posting. To the bigbang Mods for waiting on me as well a big thanks to them as well. For my beta kinkyqu33nspn a big thanks! Also to the very wonderful and last minute life savers and betas vyperdd and buffenator for giving me that last final look over and corrections you are very much appreciated and helpful, thank you! For the cheer leaders who helped pick me up and encourage me when I was down and very stressed I thank you and wish I could send you all pie for your kind words and virtual hugs! Thank you to locknkey, milly_gal, and saltandburnboys I am honored to have you as friends and someday hope I can repay you for your kindness. Please feel free to comment it helps me know how I am doing or if I need to improve, thanks! See the end of the work for more notes Disclaimer: I don’t own supernatural, or any of its fine actors or their relatives. I do not presume to know their beliefs and opinions, those of this story are completely made up and fictional. I don’t have anything against any of the people in this story or their real life families, they are probably really wonderful people. I just needed a villain and used their names, again all beliefs and opinions are completely fiction. This story does contain a scene of underage extreme dub-con that borders on rape, and some may call it that so please be warned.   Authors Notes: I suck at summeries but I do hope you all enjoy this story! Also I do realize that Teen Mom didn't air until 2009 but I needed to mention something relevent so I bumped the year down to 2008 to fit my time line. Also I made Jensen two years younger as well. And lastly in this AU men can become pregnant.           New Horizons     Jensen knew that his life would change and he would be in for some emotional thrashing the day he had met Jared Padalecki. Eric Kripke had just hired him to play the role of Dean Winchester in his new young adult show Supernatural. They had wanted him for the part of Sam Winchester originally, but he had liked the idea of Dean better and Kripke had been impressed with him after the reading and had offered to have him as Dean. They had just agreed when along came Jared and he had been perfect for the role of Sam. He had been both excited and nervous to meet the man that would play his brother on screen for hopefully many years to come. Despite his awkwardness around new people he had instantly liked Jared and Jared had liked him. It took no time at all for Jared to worm his way into his life and heart as if he had been there forever.   Jared had taken the lead in every step of their evolving relationship since day one and Jensen liked it that way, at least originally. But lately, he had been a little uneasy and nervous with all the time that passed that they were together because Jared had been getting a bit more free with his public displays of affection that went beyond costars. Jared was also denying things less and less about the two of them and teasing the fan base more than usual about what they were to each other. It was beginning to scare Jensen. They were both in the closet for very good reasons, even if he hadn’t shared all of them with Jared yet, who was more accepting of himself then he himself was. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to share everything, but he would try if they continued with their relationship. Jensen needed to figure out what was up with Jared and why he was being more open when they had agreed to privacy.   It had taken him his first year of filming just to admit out loud that he was not as into women as he lead the public to believe, and only to Jared that he did indeed like Jared that way in which he couldn’t name until almost two years into their relationship. Jared had agreed to take things as slowly as Jensen wanted as long as they could stay together. Filming in Vancouver was more private then in LA and they could save money on having a house rather than apartments. They could both be at the instant beck and call of the studio and they would live like roommates to the public eye. Of course that would also allow Jared to slowly woo Jensen and for them to work on any and all intimate parts of their budding relationship in ultimate privacy. Jensen had been good with light touches and kissing when they met but with Jared’s patience that had moved on to heavy petting and clothed frottage coupled with heavy making out by the middle of the third year of filming. Jared had come back to Vancouver earlier from the midseason hiatus of season three and Jensen, with some celebratory alcohol had finally completely slept with Jared for the first time.   Any time he had dared to have sex since his first time he had always topped. He liked it enough but he liked the idea of bottoming even more but his paralyzing fear of his first experience had held him back from ever actually doing it. With Jared it had been different. He was still scared but he actually trusted Jared, and knew that if he really wanted to stop Jared would have in an instant and not said anything about it. Over the three years that they had been together (yes he started counting when they had started filming) he had gotten to know Jared better than any other person in his life so far. It was something that he hadn’t had the chance or the courage to do before because of his shyness and other events in his life. Jared was kind and so very patient and made a lot of his feelings of shame and self-loathing lessen so much that he didn’t really think about them as often anymore. So, with some liquid courage and a giant leap of faith he had let Jared top him. He hadn’t been disappointed and it opened his eyes to what the future could be with Jared by his side.   Jared had been very surprised but very willing, taking his time and soothing him at every turn. Jared had worked him up for a good half an hour, making out on the couch before taking him up to his bedroom. He was gentle and set his body on fire touching him everywhere, slowly opening him at the same time so that he hardly realized he was ready when Jared finally got on top of him. Jared had chosen missionary so that he could see Jared at all times and Jared would be able to see his reactions and back off if he needed. He’d almost cried in relief and happiness and pleasure when Jared was finally seated fully inside him. He hadn’t panicked and it actually felt pretty good, nothing like the first time or any time he had tried to finger himself in the past.   Jared had made the whole thing about him and his pleasure, taking nothing for himself until he had been thrown over the cliff of ecstasy and climaxed so hard he almost whited out. Jared had stayed with him, held him and soothed him through the aftermath and continued to be the most affectionate lover in the world. He had actually had a mini break down the next day. Jared had noticed and asked but didn’t push him when he’d blown if off, at least he’d told Jared so.   After that sex between them had become more and more frequent as each time replaced the memories of the first with a better experience. Jared would still be gentle and perfect but as they got further into it he slowly changed things up and made him push his limits but never so far he was uncomfortable. Nothing that was too outrageous was tried or even suggested and Jared always backed off when Jensen showed signs or said he wasn’t comfortable. Jared was a saint for putting up with him but he was getting better and Jared seemed to know it. Just last week Jared had managed to make him comfortable enough to be taken from behind and stay in the position until they both came.   Just that morning Jared had woken him with a blow job and they had a quickie in the shower. It seemed that the day was going to go well but that proved to be a very different story.     *****************     Seventeen Issue 12 December 2007   Star of hit WB teen series a father!   Seventeen has gotten an exclusive that Jared Padalecki, the young star of the WB hit series Supernatural is a father. Sources have confirmed from certified documents that in a recent battery of tests for cast members to film the show, Padalecki’s child came to light. Padalecki, who has a large fan following stemming from his days on another WB show Gilmore Girls, isn’t married and no mention of a child has been made before. Supernatural is in its third year with Padalecki at the helm with costar Jensen Ackles. Representatives for Jared Padalecki and the WB have yet to contact Seventeen.     *****************     Present   There was a great commotion as a group of people came hurrying up the road towards the set they were shooting on. The group was so loud that the director called for them to cut and the crew gathered together around the camera and director until the group reached them. In the group was Kripke, Singer, Manners and the studio lawyers, as well as the WB CEO not to mention Jared’s agent and a lot of other official looking people.   Jared’s heart rate picked up and he tried to keep his breathing regular as worry and nervousness ran through him. Whatever was going on wasn’t good, from the amount of big wigs and the serious expressions and from the lack of Jensen’s agent it involved only him being in or the trouble. He tried to think of anything that he had done that would warrant such a gathering of people and that they wouldn’t wait until the day’s shooting was over to talk, opting instead to interrupt the entire schedule. He waited next to Jensen as the group talked with the director, too nervous to go over and see what all the fuss was about.   “Jared, we need you for a moment.” Kripke was the one that summoned him over to the little powwow.   Jensen gave him a quick pat on the shoulder before he headed over trying to act like this kind of thing happened every day. He was sweating so hard he was surprised that he hadn’t soaked through his clothes or that he hadn’t begun to smell yet. “What’s up? Surely my last prank wasn’t that bad.” He tried to sound jovial in the scrutiny of so many serious faces as he stopped in front of them.   “We need to talk somewhere private, and I’ll need your phone.” His agent held out his hand.   “Sure, but my phone is in my chair,” he said pointing out his chair on the opposite side of the set.   “That’s okay, leave it there. We just don’t want any interruptions. If you will follow us we’ll head over to the filming office.” His agent got the group turned and walking towards the large mobile trailer that was used as the set office. It was a tight fit but everyone managed to squeeze inside with some lawyer coming in a minute or so after everyone had found either a place to sit or lean.   “Since we are kind of remote out here on this set and you were busy with shooting and from your calm attitude I am going to say that you haven’t seen the news in a little while,” his lawyer spoke up.   “No why, what’s going on? Is something wrong with my family or old coworkers?” He was confused as to why knowing the news would have anything to do with this meeting. If it wasn’t about something he’d done when off set like he was now suspecting it was, it was still about him and only him and it was something important and probably disturbing. He tried to think of what it could be but nothing came to mind.   “It has to deal with your family in a way and before you freak out your parents and siblings are fine,” his company lawyer reassured him. “The problem is that someone got ahold of some information that is private and sensitive and leaked it to the press. It’s gone viral on the internet and social media and it’s not looking good for anyone right now.”   “What is it?” He was wracking his brain coming up with worst case scenarios and discarding them with lightning speed, still not coming up with anything he could have done so wrong.    “Someone has put out the claim that you have a child and they say that they have the evidence to back it up.” The CEO of the WB almost shouted cutting off his lawyer from speaking.   “What the hell are you taking about? I don’t have any kids, I think I would notice if I had any.” Jared was annoyed with this bit of gossip and that it could be taken seriously. He hadn’t been with anyone but Jensen in a while, not to mention that he was gay which was why he’d only been with Jensen in the past three years. If some woman was claiming to be having his baby or had his baby he’d nip that in the bud real fast. He wouldn’t admit he was gay but he was pretty sure that he could supply them with evidence that he hadn’t dated in years and Sandy might back him up, maybe. If worse came to worse he would take a DNA paternity test. In fact he wasn’t sure if he wouldn’t order one to be taken just to prove his point offensively.   “You do, the DNA tests prove it,” his lawyer said as if reading his mind.   Jared just about fell down his knees went so weak and he couldn’t say a word he was speechless for once. “How?” He managed to finally get out but couldn’t add any more. So many thoughts were going through his mind in the likes of; how did this happen, with what DNA was a test run, what would he tell everyone, and lastly what do I do now?   “The company that handles all your medical records and testing for insurance purposes was the source of the leak. They had a woman breach their protocol after she tested Colin’s blood and found it to be similar to yours and went further with testing,” his lawyer started.   “Colin?” Jared cut him off, actually sitting down now because if he didn’t sit he would fall down and that would be bad and awkward. “And how did she get my DNA?”   “Colin Ford, the boy who is playing the part of young Sam is your son.” His lawyer reached into his briefcase and pulled out a packet of papers, handing it over to Jared. “As for your DNA it was taken for testing when you first stared working on Supernatural and they kept some on hand. We are looking into why it wasn’t destroyed but it seems it’s their policy until the contract is terminated or otherwise asked to destroyed.”   Jared took them but didn’t look at them. In fact, even though he was sure that the packet had some weight to it being as thick as it was he could hardly feel it. He was sure that he had passed into a state of shock that everything going on right now was surreal and if he closed his eyes it might all go away.   “Why don’t we give Jared a minute to get his thoughts together,” Kim spoke up and Jared could have hugged him if he was able for the suggestion.   After a little grumbling and Singer helping, Kim ushered everyone out of the trailer. Jared curled himself up as small as he could make himself in his seat and closed his eyes. He tried to calm him mind from all the overwhelming emotions and questions flashing through and giving him a growing headache. He had a child, a son, and that child was a boy he had worked with. Colin Ford. But Colin wasn’t all that young which meant that he had been very young when Colin was born, hell conceived for that matter. That part of his life was very private and he had done everything he could as an older teen until now to keep it hidden. Now it and a hell of a lot more was about to come into the light. His wild and troubled youth had upended his hard won calm adulthood with four little words, “you are a father.”   After a few more minutes in which he finally started to come round to the idea that he had a child the group came back in. They all took up their former seats this time it was the WB CEO who began the conversation.   “As of right now scheduled shooting for Supernatural is on suspension until we can figure out this business and stop it from becoming a media nightmare.”   “The release of Colin’s name has been suppressed so far and we have the main sources who leaked this information on a gag order or at least as much of one as we can get. However the fact that you have a child is out to the public and I doubt that it will take all that long for the fans to figure it out or for it to be leaked somehow about Colin. We need to head this off,” the lawyer took over, tag teaming with the CEO.   “The fact that you have a child would obviously cause a stir one way or another but the fact that you were so young when Colin was born is what is going to do the most damage,” the CEO looked angry. “That puts out a terrible image not only for you but for the studio as we hired you and you have become a big part of the company’s image. Considering that there is a small morality clause in your contract, however this kind of situation is not covered as Colin was born before you signed.”   “Colin likewise once he is told that you are his father by his parents and their lawyer will likely be looked at in high focus. Any contact you have with him from this moment forward will be with his parents present, lawyers and possibly a social worker.”   Jared had gone pale at the talk of Colin coming under the pressure and fire of the media for his mistake. He felt as terrible as when he’d first been told that the DNA proved him a father. He could hardly deal with this and wouldn’t for some time, what was Colin going to go through?   “That brings us to another point and that is naturally who is Colin’s mother and what kind of relationship did you have with her.” His lawyer actually looked a little sympathetic at this. Out of all the people in the room, he was closest to Jared’s age and probably thought that Colin was the result of a quick fling or experimental one night stand.   “I don’t know, how could I if I didn’t even know that Colin existed?” Jared hoped that this answer would stall them from digging deeper. At the same time he wanted to hide in shame because it was like admitting to being a stupid kid. Colin was adopted so if it was a sealed adoption the name of his mother wouldn’t be on file. And Jared had been with a few women, he didn’t remember all of them.   “We have lawyers bringing up the Ford family so that we can have a conference to talk about how things are going to go from here. As of this moment his name has not been released but we are sure that it will get out some way very soon and we don’t want him or his family to be blindsided by this. The woman who leaked that you have a child is currently under arrest and also has a gag order that she appears to be following at the moment. However, we have to get in front of this and get all the facts and talk with everyone so that we can keep the chaos and panic to a minimum.” This came from one of the studio lawyers that Jared had seen before but couldn’t remember his name.   Jared nodded with everything that the lawyers said and continued to say throughout the rest of the meeting, although he had tuned them out for most of it. All he could think of was that he was a father and that he had known his son without really knowing him. He tried to imaging what life would be like now that he knew. He didn’t hate that it happened but he wondered if he would by the time it was over. He scolded himself for having such a thought. He was still in a daze when the meeting was over and he was allowed to go home. Jensen, it seemed, would be staying on set to do some Dean shots and would be home later. Jared had been ordered not to tell Jensen about Colin or his son in general if Jensen didn’t already know. Jared was unsure of what to do because there was no way to tell Jensen that wouldn’t break his hard earned trust. But he if he kept silent he was still in the same boat. He just didn’t know what to do.       *****************     1995   Jensen’s head and body hurt from last night’s beating, but he sat straight anyway and looked out the window of the bus. He was headed to camp New Horizons where he would be taught to be a new person. A straight person. The mix of emotions that were going through him like a hurricane would surely tear him apart if he didn’t get ahold of them soon. He was all at once very angry with his parents for treating him as they had and packing him up and sending him to this wretched camp. He was angry with himself for whatever he had done to have his parents discover he secret. He was guilty and ashamed for being this way and wanting shameful, wrong, dirty things. He was guilty and sad at straying from his faith and what he had been taught. He was glad that his parents thought that he could redeem himself and that they were getting him help. He was confused that so many people couldn’t or wouldn’t care what he was and were out and about in the world as if it was of no consequence. He was nervous of what the camp would be like and what he would have to learn and need to do. He was worried someone might find out what his father had been doing to him. He hoped that things would get better or he would just go numb and be able to say that he felt nothing at all one way or the other.   When he got to New Horizons and he stood with the other boys in front of the counselors his mind was still at war with itself. He almost didn’t hear that he was to go set up in a bunk house (# 3) before returning for orientation. He followed the line of boys towards a bunch of small hut like cabins made of wood with shingled roofs. He found number 3 on his own and went inside. It was very basic with two beds that were almost cots and a trunk at the end of each. One light was in the middle of the celling lighting up the place poorly. All three walls not having the door had a small window with no curtains. He was sure that prison was nicer than this place. But he put his bag of belongings in a trunk on the right side of the room as no one else had entered before him giving him first choice. After that there was nothing to do but go back and wait for the others and orientation to start.   Orientation was an eye opener and he wondered if his parents knew what was really going to happen at this camp. He had trouble sleeping that night for reasons other than his latest set of bruises.   Jensen was convinced that he was in hell after the second day at New Horizons and nothing had been done to change his first opinion formed during orientation. Somehow he had gained the attentions of one of the senior councilors, Russell, and it didn’t make anything better. If possible it made things worse. He had been here for almost four months when he was told that he would be getting a roommate when the new group of kids came in at the beginning of the week. He had enjoyed his lucky draw of solitude in the bunk house so far, it was the only place that he felt he could escape from the daily torture his life had become. He is given an early release from his tortures on the day the new kids arrived and he sat on his bed waiting to see what kind of boy would show up.   The boy that showed up couldn’t have been much younger than Jensen but he was tall for his age. Tall, gangly with a mop of brown hair, hazel eyes, and a mole next to his nose. Jensen felt bad for the kid that he was much in the same sate as he was when he had first arrived but might have a longer road ahead of him. Jensen, if his parents kept him here, would age out in a few years. The thought of it was enough to give him nightmares beyond what the councilors here did to him. But to be here any longer then what he knew to be the minimum time for him would be unbearable. He hoped that the new boy was a fast learner and his parents didn’t hate him as much as Jensen’s must hate him. “I’m Jensen,” he introduced himself once the kid was settled. “Jared,” the kid answered giving him a big smile that brought out actual dimples in his cheeks. They don’t speak again as Jared left for his orientation. Jensen does not go through Jared’s things and hopes he gets to tell Jared that he wouldn’t do so before the councilors come and do it. He doesn’t leave his room and reads a book that is required for a lesson while he waits for dinner time or Jared to come back. Russell, his main councilor, comes in and looks through Jared’s things but doesn’t remove anything or speak to him besides to ask him if his reading is going well. Russell is supposedly a New Horizons success story, having been sent there for reorientation of his unnatural urges when he was younger and works as a counselor now that he is straightened out and older.   Jared believes Jensen when he tells him that Russell went thought his things and it is the start of their friendship. Jensen learns that Jared is two years younger than him and that he has a younger sister who is sick. They live in the same state, not all that far from each other in the relative scheme of things. As the days pass their friendship grows and they lean on one another after their daily sessions.   By the second week after Jared has arrived Jensen felt like he was in hell, not that it kind of hadn’t been that way before Jared but now...Well Jared was very much Jensen’s type as much as he had one and he had a hard time trying to contain his urges now. He knew that he had an attraction to Jared, that he liked him very much and if Jared showed any more interest in him then he could already perceive and had he could very much find that he could love Jared if he didn’t already. He had decided just yesterday that he would test Jared’s loyalty to him and if Jared proved that he could be trusted he would be able to be as forward with Jared as he had wished to be with Scott, who was the reason he was in there in the first place. He decided that he would divulge his greatest secret that New Horizons had made for him because of the way he was now living the next evening. The new night came all too soon and Jensen was both nervous and excited.   “I jerk off every day” Jensen blurted to Jared as they lay on their beds waiting for lights out. Jared’s whole body visibly jerked in his peripheral vision. “What? You can’t do that, they check our bedding you’d be in trouble and forget about doing it in the showers.” “Ever notice I don’t drink my water?” Jensen turned to look at Jared now. “Your water? What’s that got to do with anything and why would I notice?” Jared sat up now and watched him. “I hide a paper towel or two in my boxers at last bathroom break and always have a glass of water every night. I jerk off and clean up with the water and towel, in the morning I hide it again and throw it away at first bathroom time. Kinda gross but I won’t die of blue balls and I won’t get in trouble for messing the bed. Win win if you ask me,” he sat up at the last of his explanation to watch Jared’s expression. Jared was looking at him with awe and confusion but no disgust. “So why are you telling me this?” “Because I believe you would do a whole lot better if you took a glass of water to bed every night if you know what I mean.” They didn’t talk anymore about it and much to his joy the next night Jared had a large glass of water on the table by the bed. He was glad that Jared hadn’t told on him and that he was helping Jared out by allowing him to ease his condition and avoid any punishments for his body doing what any teenage boy’s body does in puberty.   Jensen was beginning to think that being sent to New Horizons was a blessing in disguise now. He had hated it at first and hey, what boy wouldn’t, but as of late it had brought him some joy and new focus. Sure, during the day he still had to endure the trials that the counselors called therapy but at night…at night he had Jared and that was a little bit of heaven every day. At first he had liked Jared and wanted to be helpful to the kid. He had taught Jared how to get away with jerking off every night or morning in Jared’s case. Then that had led to watching and touching and shared jerking off sessions late at night and finally kissing. Jensen knew that in the short months that Jared had become his roommate he had fallen in love with him. He was pretty sure that the feelings were mutual. He should have known that things that good couldn’t last.     *****************     Jared hated his uncle and had taken to cursing not only him but his family, and the doctors treating Megan and the world for the way his life was going right now. His uncle had tricked him into going to this horrible place that was called New Horizons. It had started when is uncle had asked if he preferred to go to summer camp instead of hanging out in the little town he lived in. Jared had jumped at the idea of getting away from being bored out of his mind. The only part that sucked was not being able to tell Tom, the only boy about his age in the whole area and therefore his only friend that he was going. Of course he’d managed to leave a note for his friend the day before saying he was sorry to be leaving so suddenly and where he was going so maybe if Tom’s parents let him he’d come to camp too. Only when he got to New Horizons did he learn the truth. It wasn’t a summer camp but one of those places people stuck their gay children to be straightened out. He’d just been assigned a bunk house, number three, and was told to put his things away. No one else in his group was assigned to bunk house three and he assumed he’d be alone so it was a surprise to open the door and walk in to find another boy already inside.   The boy looked a little older than he did but not by that much, with dark blonde hair, green eyes, and a smattering of freckles and puffy lips that he thought might make a girl envious. The boy watched him as he put his things away in a trunk at the end of the bed that the boy wasn’t sitting on. When he was done the boy introduced himself. “I’m Jensen.” “Jared” he said, as he smiled. He liked how the boy, Jensen, sounded. He would have liked to stay and talk to Jensen but he knew that he had to go to orientation. He was sure that someone would come and get him if he didn’t show up and he didn’t want to cause trouble on his first day. He had the idea that things here were going to be tough and he had no intention of making things harder than they were already going to be. If he could convince them that there was a mistake and he acted well he might be able to go home before too long. Jensen didn’t try to stop him as he left and he wondered what Jensen would do while he was away. He hoped Jensen wasn’t one of those people who went through other peoples things when they were gone. Not that he looked like he would or that he had much of anything in his stuff worth looking at. His uncle had watched him pack his bag according to a list that New Horizons had sent so there wasn’t anything that was important or fun, he didn’t even have a pack of gum.   Orientation was boring and not boring at the same time. The lectures and goal speeches he could have lived without but the personal goals and schedule that they set up was insane. How in the world was faith study, the morals of relationships and hard labor supposed to turn anyone straight? As for their punishment guide lines and tests, well, that he didn’t want to think about at all. He said nothing though and just nodded when he had to, not bothering to voice anything for fear of saying something that he knew would get him in trouble. By the time he was let out to go back to the bunk house he felt he might go mad from not speaking out.   His things had been gone through but Jensen explained about their cabin monitor and councilor Russell and Jared believed him. After giving it some thought he didn’t know why he never considered that his things wouldn’t be searched what with the list they had sent out on what was appropriate. He decided that Jensen would make a good friend and as the time passed he was right and it would evolve to more over the time they spent at New Horizons.   Jared found it confusing that at a camp where they were supposed to be ‘curing’ boys of their attraction to other boys that they would be stuck in little cabins together with no dividers or supervision. They also took communal showers, albeit these were somewhat monitored. Jared had been lucky he supposed to get a roommate who was tolerable and had become a friend. Jensen was two years older than he was and didn’t treat him as weird because of his appearance or excitable manner, although that excitement was slowly being drained out of him. They came from towns not all that distant from one another. He had struck up a friendship with Jensen almost instantly and they were just about as close as brothers now. Jensen had even broken a lot of rules and offered him some help with his morning erections. But Jared suspected that his feelings for Jensen were changing into something very close to love, if not actual love itself. He had never been in love so he had to guess that this was what the feelings were. He had spent a night worrying about what Jensen would think if he knew before the thought that Jensen might feel the same came to him. Now it was just worry about what would happen if any of the counselors found out. Being separated was sure to be the least of their problems if that were to happen.   As the days passed and his relationship with Jensen grew so did his boldness. Jensen may have given him a tip on how to take care of himself in the mornings but he knew that there could be more to it than just a quick release. They had seen each other naked thanks to the communal showers and he liked looking a Jensen naked. He wasn’t sure if Jensen liked the look of his body though as he thought of himself as a bit of a stick figure kind of guy. He hoped that he would grow into his size but for now he would work with what he had and hope that Jensen appreciated it. His plan to see if Jensen liked him was simple enough.   He had started off by masturbating in the morning when Jensen was awake so that he could be heard. Next he started doing so on top of the covers so that Jensen could see him as well as hear him. He made it a point to also listen and watch Jensen when he could and Jensen caught on. Soon they were taking care of business facing each other and watching. After a while of that he got bold enough to touch Jensen when he was jerking off. Jensen had startled at first and gone back to jerking off under covers for a few days. But then he had come around and out into the open again and this time he took his time sitting close to Jensen while he jerked off before trying to touch him again. Jensen allowed it this time and not long after began to touch him when he jerked off. The next step which this time Jensen didn’t run from was to jerk Jensen off himself. Jensen reciprocated the next day and from then on out they took their time touching each other and jerking off either in the late night or early morning. Then came the morning where he got up the courage to kiss Jensen and to his delight Jensen kissed back.     *****************   Present   It took two days before the Ford family arrived. Two days of Jared agonizing over what he felt and what he should do. He had been upsetting Jensen with his mood swings and unusual silence as to what was going on. Off of Kim’s suggestion he had kept Jensen away from as much social media as possible and treated the halt in filming like a mini vacation. He knew that he wasn’t being fair to engage Jensen intimately when his mind was constantly elsewhere then on them like he had planned it to be. By the third day Jensen was a bit standoffish and had retreated to his own ‘room’ after breakfast. As much as it pained him that Jensen needed or wanted the space it was a blessing in disguise as he was set to meet with the lawyers and the Fords and have a talk with Colin. He had decided to be as honest as possible with all of them, something we wasn’t with Jensen and probably should have been. While he talked with Colin, Jensen was uncovering what Jared had been hiding.   Jared talked with the lawyers first giving them a list he had prepared earlier of names of women who might be Colin’s mother. It was embarrassing and he still felt some guilt over his past actions. Then he had met the Ford’s. Colin wasn’t really paying attention to him and his parents looked very angry and displeased but they agreed with the lawyers that Jared and Colin should have a little time to talk in private. Any plans for the future together or apart could be discussed afterward. The Ford’s ruffled Colin’s hair and patted his shoulders on the way out the door and the lawyers stayed silent, not offering anything to either Colin or Jared in the way of support or disappointment. A timer was set and left on a little table by the door limiting their time to talk.   Jared sat at the table and looked across it at Colin who was looking at everything but him. Either his parents or his lawyer must have told him then that he was his father before this meeting. He was unsure of how he felt about this. He had weighed the pros and cons of telling Colin himself or having been present when Colin was told. He hadn’t thought too much on the idea that Colin would be told before he even saw him again.   “So I guess you know why you were brought here?” He wanted to make sure Colin knew even though to him it was pretty obvious.   “Um, yeah I…my parents said that you were my…” Colin flushed and looked at him from under his lashes as his face was more in line with looking at the table, head hung and a shoulders high.   “That I am your father,” he decided to go with a more general term considering that Colin already had a ‘dad’ and he was not looking to replace the man that had raised Colin. “Do you want to talk about it?” He hoped that Colin would but he wouldn’t force the kid to discuss something that he was uncomfortable with or hated. As far as he knew Colin had had a great life so far and the revelation that at least one of his parents was alive and might be around was bound to bring up a lot of conflicting emotions. It had for Jared and with him being older he had more of a grip on his emotions being out of the teenage hormonal phase that made emotions worse. Also as an adult he had more control over his life then Colin as a minor would should someone else decide some things needed or didn’t need to be done or happen. He couldn’t imagine what the kid was thinking.   “Like what?” Colin lifted his head and actually looked at his face but not in the eyes.   “Whatever you want, I’ll listen,” he started before adding, “and if you don’t mind listening I could share some stuff.”   “Like what?” Colin asked again which he took as a sign Colin might be willing to talk and listen.   “I was just told that you were my son. I know it sounds lame and like an excuse or maybe kinda mean but I never even knew I had any kids. Your mother didn’t contact me when she was pregnant or after you were born. This is just as new to me as it is to you and I have no idea what to say really. So I guess anything you want to talk about or know I’d be willing to answer or whatever. And I know that you already have a family but I would like, if you are up to it, to know a little about you growing up. I already obviously know a few things and so do you about me from when you were here for filming. It could be kind of like that but now we just know that we have a little more in common than acting.”   They sat in silence for a minute before Colin placed his on the table and leaned forward a little. “So you knew my mother?” He sounded hopeful so his files must have been sealed and he didn’t know or his parents had decided not to tell him anything about her if there had been anything to tell.   “Well,” he blew out a breath in agitation and decided to be as honest as possible “I’m going to be honest and hope that you don’t hate me for it but not really. I was having a hard time around the time you would have been born and I did a lot of things that I shouldn’t have. I got mixed up in a lot of bad things and let’s just say that I was open to a lot of opportunities with women I shouldn’t have taken. Your mother and I didn’t have a relationship, we didn’t date, she was more probably just my partner for a night or two. I haven’t seen your adoption file so unfortunately I don’t know her name. I am so sorry if it makes you think any less of me that I can’t give you the answer but I won’t lie about it to you.”   “So you were what? Just experimenting with girls, sleeping around?” Colin’s face wrinkled up in disgust as he thought about it.   “Sort of, like I said I was in a bad spot and I was doing a lot of things I shouldn’t have. I went through something, today they would call it traumatizing and it messed me up mentally and emotionally and I had a lot of anger which I took out by rebelling against the limits that almost all parents set for their teenagers. If there was something that was off limits or that I wasn’t supposed to be doing I did it.” It was his turn to look down at the table now as he tried to sort out and store the emotions that were coming up. He had worked very hard to master them and keep his life on an even keel. He was putting everything he had learned about emotional control to the test.   “So what happened that you decided that having...” Colin hesitated for a second, “having sex was a good idea,” he finished. Colin was being pretty level headed and frank for being an eleven year old but then again kids were growing up so fast these days.   “I don’t think that would be a good topic for me to talk about right now,” he said and looked up at Colin again. “But I will tell you because I think that it is something you should know, or at least part of it is important, just not today. Sometime soon if, after all this, you still feel like talking to me about it in the future.”   They sat in silence for a few minutes each trying to digest the situation and the discussion.   “So where do we go from here?” Colin sounded both weary and hopeful.   “Well part of that is up to you and part of that is up to your parents because you’re still a minor. I would hope that we could talk again and that if you are willing I could get to know you better like I said before. It’s up to you but when you are comfortable I would like you to meet my parents. I don’t want to take over your life or replace your parents at all. You seem quite happy with them and I won’t do anything to jeopardize your life and relationship with them. I know that I am not really that much older then you so maybe someday we can build some kind of close relationship and maybe you could see me as like a cousin or something.” He hoped that Colin might consider him like a brother but he wasn’t going to say that and certainly wasn’t going to take on a fatherly role to Colin. He was under no illusion that that could turn out to be a horrible idea.   He stayed silent as Colin thought over his words and seemed to come up with some kind of conclusion.   “I do want to get to know you, and I think once I wrap my head around things a little more I would like you meet my grandparents. I’ll have to talk it over with my parents but they are kind of mad so maybe not right away. I guess if you are being so honest I can be too. I kind of like the idea of getting to know you as my biological father. I have always known I was adopted and I have had a few passing thoughts as to who my biological parents might be and all and now I know about you. My parents are not all that thrilled though and I can understand a little. But for what it’s worth I’ll do my best to get them to see it my way.”   “That’s all I can hope for and thank you,” he smiled at Colin. He was proud of the boy for how well he was taking this and for wanting to have his way when it would be so easy to just let the adults decide everything.   As if on cue the timer on the table by the door went off and Colin’s parents and both his and the Ford’s lawyers came into the room. Arrangements were made for him to see Colin again and the Ford’s and their lawyer left. He thanked his lawyer for getting the Ford’s cooperation in letting him see Colin alone and left to go home. His parents had been contacted by the studio lawyer as well as his own and were expecting to see him late tomorrow. He had been in such shock at first he hadn’t called them and his lawyer had done so for him. He was grateful because he thought that if he had called them he might have just blurted out everything without thinking if they had heard the news or not and before he had all the facts.   Jared was unsure of how his parents would take the news. They had been as supportive as they could be when he was younger and just been taken out of New Horizons. They had been through so much and he had dragged them back into hell just as they were climbing out from dealing with Megan’s illness. In the end all their trials had brought them all closer but still, it had been a close thing that they had broken through to him at his most destructive phase. He was never really sure how his parents had done it, kept it all together and kept him from falling over the edge and doing something that he would never have come back from. He was having a hard enough time recently and he was an adult now. The studio had taken a break until everything with him and the Ford’s was sorted and the studio was flying them in tomorrow to see him at the filming site part of the process. He wanted to go over everything with them face to face, they deserved it after all. Also, he just had to get away from the studio and everyone looking at him and trying to ask questions or judging him since even though filming had stopped, working hadn’t and he and Jensen had been in for script readings. The studio had only had to fire four of the crew but the rest were very uneasy with him. Not that he could blame them, he’d just been outed for having sex way too young and knocking some woman up and then not knowing about the kid till he was literally right under his nose. He was sure that there were other rumors floating around as well but he couldn’t correct them if he didn’t know what they were and he wasn’t supposed to talk about it anyway until the studio lawyers put out a statement.   His parents had been arranged to come up since going out for him right now was almost impossible and he was going to see them the next day and then everyone was supposed to meet with lawyers and the media relations department so that press releases could be prepared for the media under any circumstances.  He wasn’t too worried about the press. His uneasiness came from the meeting with his parents. It didn’t help that when he got home Jensen had been gone and when he had returned he had hardly interacted with Jared and spent the night in his ‘own’ room. In the morning Jared was up and off to the shooting site without seeing Jensen. His parents were brought to the small conference room set up in a trailer not too long after he had arrived and he was happy to get their hugs and support. His mother was the first one to speak after they had all finished exchanging hugs upon the lawyers leaving the room so they could talk privately first.   “Jared, honey is this about what the news is saying, about you having a child?”   His mother’s voice was soft and calm but he couldn’t look up from the table at her. Being here now made him feel like ha was young again and had just been confronted with what he had done wrong again. So he just nodded slightly instead and waited for what his parents would say.   “Is it true?” This time his father asked and he nodded again.   After a moment of silence as his parents waited him out because they knew that he couldn’t stay silent forever, he started. “I have a son, and he is not a baby, he’s a boy.” A little more silence passed and he tried not to fidget before going on, “he was conceived and born not too long after New Horizons.”   “Oh Jared,” his mother cried and came round to hug him, brushing her hand through his hair.   He gave into his need to be comforted and accepted and hugged her back, burying his face in her stomach. They stayed that way for a minute or two before she left him go and went back to her chair scooting it closer to him. He looked up from the table now and could look at them but not in the eyes.   “Does he know who you are?” His father asked, not sounding mad but worried.   “Yeah, I’ve….I’ve actually met him.” A small smile flits across his face before he is serious again. “He’s actually the kid who played the younger version of me on Supernatural, which is how it was discovered that he was my son.”   “Does his mother know then that you know about Colin being yours?” His mother bit her lip after she spoke, surprising Jared that she remembered Colin’s name from when he had mentioned him during filming. She would want to get to know Colin’s mother along with Colin, as he was her grandson and she was his family. Jared was unsure if she would get the chance but he hoped she would.   “Colin was adopted when he was a baby, it was a sealed adoption so neither of us know who his mother is.” Jared looked down again. His parents knew about his sleeping around of course, but it was still embarrassing and shameful that he didn’t know which of the girls he had slept with was Colin’s mother. The list of candidates wasn’t incredibly long but it was a list and Jared hadn’t really gotten all the names of the girls he had slept with. He had to hope that she was on the list or that by some miracle she might try and come forward now that so much time had passed. He knew that some women would try and come forward just for the claim to fame.   In the case that happened, if it hadn’t already, DNA tests would be taken for any serious claims and the rest would just be dismissed. This was all talked about when the lawyers returned to the room. Plans were made for when and where the press release would happen and what would be said. In the end, Jared had very little to do but to show up, confirm that he was a father and that he had been in touch with the child and was working things out. The media would be asked for privacy to let things settle and for the fans for support and that filming would begin again soon. He was also given the go ahead to tell Jensen if he didn’t already know so that he wasn’t caught off guard after the press release.   When Jared got home Jensen wasn’t there and he didn’t come home at night. Jared tried to call him but got his voicemail. He found out from Cliff that Jensen was staying at a hotel and no one would tell him which one.       *****************     Jensen had been worried since filming had stopped and Jared had had his big secret meeting with the powers that be. Jared, who usually shared everything with him, was silent about it after. He figured that Jared might have gotten some bad news but he couldn’t figure out what. Jared had told him that his family was fine but that was about it. He had avoided the subject of the meeting and tried to distract Jensen whenever he tried to bring it up. At first he was okay with this but by day two he wanted answers and there was only so many times he could be distracted with sex, food or the dogs. Since Jared wasn’t going to give him any and everyone on the studio lot was avoiding talking about it he snooped for himself when he got the chance. What he found was at first funny until the third and fourth mention, then he got worried and his self-esteem took a hit and the doubt that was always in the back of his mind started to pick at his brain.   Jensen couldn’t believe that Jared had a child and he was tempted to deny it. Jared was gay just as he was and they had been together basically since the beginning of filming over three years ago. Which meant that the child had to be conceived right before filming started. He did not want to think about it being conceived while they were together but the thought hit him hard that it was possible. It confused Jensen because Jared had never said anything about a relationship when they had first met and filming had started. In fact, he was sure that Jared had told him that he hadn’t dated for a while. But then again dating wasn’t the same as sex and Jared could have had a one night stand. He himself could never really grasp the idea of a one night stand. If he was going to have sex with anyone he wanted to have some kind of relationship first. But then again he had problems with intimacy stemming from his past so his way of thinking and acting on his sexual desires was significantly different from everyone else’s.   Of course, he couldn’t really judge, after all he had a child too. That thought made him frightened as well as sad. He had no idea what had happened to his child, his parents had never told him other than that they got rid of it and that it had been alive when and where they left it. He hoped that wherever his child was that he was safe and healthy and cared for. He was unsure what he would do if his child ever found him or he found the child. It was easier to think that he hadn’t even had one and he had even tried at one point to convince himself it was true but that was long ago. Now he would deny it unless it stood staring him in the face.   There would be a scandal in that finding too, as he was young when his baby had been conceived and born. Maybe his and Jared’s child would have been born just a few years apart since he and Jared were close in age. Teenagers did experiment with sex at a young age and if left unchecked...well that was why shows like Teen Mom existed today and surely Jared would have tried experimenting with a girl at least once.   Still, he was curious and no one was giving him answers, including Jared. He might not have the right to know everything about Jared’s life but the fact that Jared had a child would affect him if he stayed in a relationship with Jared. Hell, it would most likely affect him if he ended the relationship, too. He need to know some of the facts so that he could make informed decisions about the future.   He knew that what he was doing was wrong on a moral level but after a restless night of thinking through all the pros and cons he decided to call Chris for help. Chris had been one of his first friends after he had left his parents’ house and sought help. He had been able to trust Chris enough to go with him to California and to start acting on his advice. Chris had been there for him through his nightmares and his victories. And in turn when he had gotten his life into some semblance of order he had repaid in kind when he could.   Chris had taken a different path then him at first and had met a lot of interesting people who did a lot of interesting things. One of those people just happened to be a P.I. who was a little shady. He called Chris and begged for the P.I.’s number. It took a lot of arguing to get the number from his friend and a promise to keep him in the loop on anything so that he could pick up the pieces after whatever needed to be done was finished. He suspected that Chris knew about the news of Jared’s child and that was why he didn’t want to hand over the P.I.’s number. Chris wouldn’t lecture him on what to do but he would give it to him when it was all over and when he was in a better place than he was now.   It took the rest of the day to get ahold of the P.I. and convince him to take the case. The P.I. promised to have some information by the end of the next day and more to follow as long as he was on the case. He’d have to pay quite a bit but he considered it money well spent if it could help him.   And it was, because three days later and a lot of avoiding Jared and even moving out into a hotel he had his answers and it just about stopped his world.   Colin! Colin Ford was Jared’s son! Colin was no baby in fact he was almost a preteen. Jared wasn’t that old and Colin wasn’t that young. Jared had to have been a child himself when Colin was born. The thoughts went round and round in his head and his stomach churned and he felt dizzy and nauseous. Something about those facts was so unsettling that it was tearing at his brain and his own memories of his younger transgressions were popping up and beginning to insert themselves into the thoughts of Jared and Colin. He tried to push his memories away and concentrate on Jared and Colin. He needed to decide what to do. He had been so busy going over everything the P.I. had given him that he only caught bits of the studio’s press release on the nightly news. The press and the fans were going wild over the fact that Jared had a child. Since the fans knew that Jared wasn’t married and hadn’t had a girlfriend in a while the word love child was in every rag tabloid around by the next mid-day. They were going to tear Jared’s life apart and they were going to find out about Colin. It was inevitable. This meant that they might find out about his and Jared’s relationship in the process. He couldn’t allow that, he loved Jared but he was not about to jump out of the closet yet. He had always been secretive as a teen and the one time he opened up he was punished being sent to New Horizons. After that he kept as much about himself under wraps as possible. Besides Jared the only people to know much about him were his best friends Chris and Danneel. He didn’t count his parents as he hadn’t seen them since the day after his eighteenth birthday.   He was planning to break up with Jared when the P.I. sent him a package by courier. He was just leaving his hotel room when the messenger arrived. He went back into his room to open the package as it was marked sensitive and open immediately by the P.I. in red ink. He only got into the third paragraph when the papers fell from his nerveless fingers.   Colin Ford was Jared’s son but that wasn’t all. Colin was also his son, his and Jared’s because Jared was the same as his first love Jared from New Horizons. Why he had never put it together he couldn’t fathom as now he could see it clearly in his mind. He barely managed to make it to the bathroom to throw up. When he finally felt that he could sit up straight and move about without throwing up he crawled back out to where he’d dropped the papers on his hands and knees. Putting the papers back in order he retreated to the bathroom just in case he needed the toilet again and sat with his back to the bathtub to read.   The P.I. had tracked the information about Jared having a child back to the lab where the DNA test had been done. He had found out that Colin Ford was Jared’s child and had gone on tracing Colin to find out about the mother. That was when he had come across the midwife who had delivered Colin. She was in prison for taking infants across state lines and providing fake documents for them so that they could be adopted. She had told only very few people where Colin had come from and never any details until the P.I. told her that the possible biological parents wanted to know. She had given up his family name saying she was very sorry, and the P.I. had gone from there.   The midwife who had helped him deliver his baby had taken the baby to Oklahoma and dropped it off at a hospital with its fake papers. From there he was taken to Tennessee where he was adopted by the Fords and named Colin. The Ford’s had told Colin that he was adopted but since he had been dropped off anonymously at the hospital with just the basic information about him there was nothing for him or his parents to look into even if they wanted to. The P.I. had even done a private DNA test using the samples on file from Jensen’s insurance (the same as Jared’s) and somehow getting a copy of Colin’s from the new medical facility that the WB studio was using for its medical insurance tests. He didn’t want to know how the P.I. had gotten ahold of those files, all that mattered was that he had and that he had run the tests.   Now with Jared being exposed as Colin’s father at least to him for now there was sure to be some digging from some other firm or what not by the press and they would find out as well. And if Jared’s past came to light there was sure to be a connection to him. They would test his DNA along with anyone else’s they could get ahold of from the boys at New Horizon once they got the math right. His relationship with Jared right now only made things look worse for them in his eyes. The fact that they had had some kind of relationship back then even if it was secretive, exploratory and eventually forced wouldn’t help the fact that even though they hadn’t recognized each other years later they had started a renewed relationship almost as soon as they had begun working together. He saw how it could all be twisted and turned to seem like they knew and didn’t care or that Colin had been a mistake. Granted, Colin kind of was a mistake because he hadn’t known that he was a male carrier and could get pregnant at the time. Of course, he hadn’t planned on having sex either, especially at that age and being where he was at the time. Plus even a century and a half after a genetic mutation allowed some select males to become pregnant and birth healthy babies they still weren’t all that accepted, even if their population was growing yearly.     *****************     Jared was worried about Jensen who had been avoiding him since first learning about Colin. Well actually he didn’t know about Colin specifically just that Jared had a child. He was sure Jensen knew by now anyway it was his behavior that had started it all and he regretted not being honest with him from the start. First he had moved back into his old bedroom from before they had started their sexual relationship. Jensen had moved into a hotel four days ago and he missed him already with an ache that he didn’t think would go away any time soon.   He had a theory on why Jensen was avoiding him and it made him sad. Jensen was strictly gay in his sexual orientation and identity where as he was bi with stronger inclinations towards men. In fact he hadn’t been with a woman since his teens, granted he wasn’t that old but still. They were both in the closet but Jensen was so far back you could enter Narnia, go to the farthest house from the human entrance and find him in the back of the closet at that house. He knew that it had to do with something in Jensen’s past and he hadn’t pried because he had his own skeletons. There had been quite a few times when he wished he had but it wouldn’t have been good at that point in their relationship. Jensen did let things slip from time to time and what he did know wasn’t pretty. With Supernatural going strong and the close guarantee that they would have at least two more years to work together he hoped that their relationship would have become more stable and that he would have the time to get Jensen to open up to him further and also in his public life. But all that had fallen apart and besides work they didn’t speak and the tension was just beginning to show to everyone on set to those not closest to them who saw it from the start.   But the more Jensen pulled away the more frustrated and depressed about it he got. Jensen had been his support for the past two and a half years and it had only been stronger the longer they were together. Jensen didn’t seem to be fairing any better which was just doubling his feelings of guilt and depression. It wasn’t like he could call up his friends and talk about it either with the press hounding them and their relationship situation and he wasn’t ready to open up to his parents about it either since he had just told them he had a child. He couldn’t even tell Sandy who knew he was seeing someone, she just didn’t know it was Jensen.   He had gotten suspicious of Jensen’s behavior when he’d started to get sealed mail that needed a signature and when he’d moved out into a hotel and stopped answering his calls. He had gotten Chad, who had come up to support him, to keep an eye an Jensen after plying him with much alcohol and a promise to let him in on some very big secrets, mainly who his child was. Chad had told him that Jensen had hired a P.I. and he in turn had gotten his lawyers to get someone to watch the P.I.   It seemed as if the universe had gone crazy and there was no way to stop it. He had a feeling that something bigger was going on than he could see and figure out and he was right. The P.I. had sent a courier package to Jensen around lunch time and now by late evening he had that same information. Granted the information had probably been obtained in a not quite legal manner and cost a lot but Jared just had to know what Jensen was up to with his P.I. He sat down to read the papers as recent past experience with getting news could be life changing and he had no plans to fall down from weak knees, suspecting the papers had something to do with his past and connection to Colin. He would have told Jensen about Colin if he had bothered to ask and it hurt that he had likely hired a P.I. to find out instead of asking. He took a deep breath to steel himself before letting it out and opening the package.   It took him two times reading through the papers to figure out exactly what he was reading and how everything connected. Then it was like he had stepped into an alternate universe or fallen down the rabbit hole into Wonderland. He would have to call a meeting with the lawyers and his family and Colin’s family and Jensen and the studio execs as soon as the world stopped spinning and he could stand because right at the moment he couldn’t move if his life depended on it. All he could do was sit and clutch the papers he’d read and try to keep breathing and his heart from exploding.   Instead of his heart, Jared's world had exploded. Not shook up, not turned upside down, not shattered, exploded. He couldn't get a moment’s peace to himself since the news had run with the story of him having a child and everyone was calling for him from a list a mile long including network execs, his family, his lawyers, reporters, friends, and old costars. He still hadn't processed the information himself so how was he supposed to talk to anyone else about it? The fact that even his own son wanted answers that he couldn't give was going to drive him crazy if he couldn't just have a moment to breathe and process the news. And now the last bombshell that Jensen was Colin’s other parent was just too much. He had talked with his therapist and his lawyer and his family and gone over the list of possible mothers for Colin again and again the past few days and nothing had seemed to be solid. Something at the back of his mind kept bugging him and he had a gut feeling the list was not complete. So he decided to make a list of all his sexual partners that he could think of male and female. He was almost done when it hit him like a bolt of lightning, he got a headache just thinking why he hadn’t considered the name that was flashing in him mind. The boy from New Horizons…his very first sexual partner…a boy named…Jensen! He hadn’t given that complete list over to anyone, keeping it to himself. Now it seemed irrelevant with the papers from the P.I. The answer had just been provided. His lawyer and the studios lawyers would be pleased to not have to go looking for any of the girls he’d remembered but not so thrilled when they found out why or who had replaced the list he had first provided.   When he could think with some semblance of reason again he intended to call the necessary people but he didn’t. Instead he went to a bookshelf in the living room and looked for the most recent photo album. The crew was constantly taking pictures and handing out photos of people to keep and share with family. He flipped through the pages with a goal in mind. Late October was when Colin had been on set to shoot the “A Very Supernatural Christmas” episode. One of the costume women had taken photos of the cast and had taken one of him and Jensen with the boys playing their younger character selves. When he found it he ripped it out of the book and went to sit on the couch.   Jared couldn’t stop staring at the picture in front of him. It was of him and Jensen with Colin and Ridge sandwiched between them, arms around shoulders, all smiles for the camera. Colin had been hired because he looked so much like himself. And he could admit Colin looked like him when he was a boy himself. There was a little of Jensen in him too, he could see it now that he knew what he was looking for. A son. All these years he had been unaware that he’d had a son and then when finding out to actually know the boy. If he hadn’t been in such a state of shock that he was a father he might have actually taken a moment to think of Colin’s mother. Or, as the case was, other father. Jared had been so messed up from his experiences at the camp that he’d done a lot of things he wasn’t proud of and that no child should be doing. But do them he did and on that list was the fact that he had, for a while at least thrown himself into sex. Boys and girls alike, mostly older. When his family and his lawyer had finally gotten him to lesson his obsession and shock to try and think when and where he had come into contact with Colin’s mother he had immediately excluded all the boy’s he’d slept with. Even though it was possible for men to become pregnant they were very few in number even with a world population of over seven billion. The number of male carriers as men who could become pregnant were growing but they were still a rare enough thing that there was still a lot of prejudice against them or they were just ignored when possible.   He should have included the boys from the start and it was coming back to bite him in the ass that he hadn’t. The network lawyers and CEO’s were going to have a field day with this news. He didn’t want to share it but he knew that he had to. If he didn’t and it got out to the press there would be hell to pay. Another worry was how he was he going to let Jensen know that he knew Jensen was Colin’s other parent. Jensen had the information but he doubted that Jensen would step forward any time soon. In fact, he was sure that if Jensen got his way no one would ever know. He had learned along the way of getting Jensen comfortable with him and their relationship that Jensen had some serious body image issues besides his emotional and relationship issues. He suspected that if Jensen could run away right now until the whole mess with his child was out of the press he would.   It all stemmed from their time at New Horizons which, now that he thought about it, might become a bit of a problem too. Because there had to be a record of him being there around the time that Colin was conceived and it didn’t take a genius to do the math when they figured out what age he was when Colin was born. He figured that was another thing he’d have to tell the lawyers and the media relations department. One way or another the news about New Horizons was bound to set off a new media frenzy. The nature of the camp was bound to be news but the fact that he was here not counting Jensen would be bad. The press figured that Colin had a mother and if, when, they learned that he had been sent to a camp to ‘fix’ gays…well that opened a new can of worms. One where finding out that Colin could have two fathers and not a father and mother was pretty much guaranteed.     *****************   1995   It was the end of the year when everything went wrong and Jensen would never forget how such a beautiful day could go so horribly bad. They had been granted a day of rest for all the progress they had made and because the start of added school work was to be coupled with their regular lessons now that Christmas was over. He and Jared had decided to go for a walk around the edge of the property as there were some trees and it could be considered a kind of nature walk. Part of the property was secluded from the main part by a large grove of trees. You wouldn’t be able to see who was there unless you got real close. He had planned to use that alone time with Jared to try some kissing which Jared had introduced him to just the week before, after one of their morning jerk off sessions. Russell, one of New Horizon’s lead councilors, and their main councilor, had caught them sharing a kiss and was furious. He had hit Jared and pushed Jensen away when he’d tried to help Jared. Now he was before them holding a large branch and threatening them. More specifically, he was threatening Jensen. “You just can’t be redeemed can you, I could turn you in but I think I’ll help you. If you want to be a degenerate sinner you might as well go all the way. You can share in your sin together or I can do it for you.” Russell waved the stick at him. “You’re crazy!” Jared placed himself between Jensen and Russell. He could see that Russell meant business and he feared what would happen if the directors of New Horizons found out. He didn’t know if he could take more of the electric shocks and ice baths and restriction to his privates and guilt trips. He was sure that there could be worse things they could do him. He really didn’t want to experience any more than he was subjected to now. Also he didn’t want Jared to have to go through the torture as well. “Just do what he wants Jared, please,” Jensen tugged at Jared’s arm trying to get Jared to look at him and not Russell and the branch he’d picked up. “No, I can’t let him tell and I won’t do that to you or let him.” Jared kept his eyes on Russell and the stick. “It’s okay Jared.” He knew that he would have to convince Jared he wanted it. “Russell is right. I am bad because I do want it. I have been leading you along because I thought you were an easy target to give me what I wanted.” It hurt him to repeat Russell’s stinging and twisted words, to pretend to agree but the alternative was worse in his mind. “You really want…” Jared started looking at him with a hurt and confused expression. “Yes I want it.” The ‘I want you’ part he kept to himself because he hoped that Jared would get it and he didn’t want Russell to know just how much he loved Jared that he would be willing to give himself to only Jared. Both Jared and Russell started at him before Russell took a step towards him. Jared flinched and pulled him close and glared at Russell. “Fine, we’ll do it.” Jared started pulling at his t-shirt to take it off with an angry manner that suggested he wasn’t as fine with it as he said he was. After Russell gave him a hard glare he started to get undressed like Jared. Even though Jared had seen him naked in both in the showers and in their bunk house this was embarrassing for him. Because of what they were about to do he was very aware of his body. He could hardly look at Jared when he was done and he couldn’t appreciate Jared’s body now like he had in the bunk house. “On your knees, you’re on top Jared” Russell sneered Jared’s name as he directed them. He got down onto his knees and he began to shiver but not from the cold. He didn’t want to do this but he would, and he most certainly didn’t want Russell to watch. His breathing picked up and his heart raced as Jared got behind him and started touching him. There was no way that this was going to be pleasurable like the times they jerked off in the bunk house in the late nights and early mornings. He wanted to get up and run when he felt Jared at his entrance but he couldn’t he was too scared to move. He had only a moment to think that Jared’s penis felt slimy before it began to push in. It hurt and tears sprang to his eyes and he tried hard not to cry as the burn increased as Jared pushed farther into him. He knew that in the end he wouldn’t succeed in keeping quiet but he would do his best not to let Jared or that bastard Russell know just how bad it was. He didn’t want Jared to feel bad or stop because he feared that Russell would follow through on his threat of using the branch. There was no doubt in his mind that it would hurt a lot worse and he was sure Russell would make sure of it. It didn’t last too long as the mood was forced and no matter how good it may have felt for Jared it was too much. Jared pulled out as soon as he could when he had finished and started gathering their cloths. “Enjoyed it, didn’t you? Well there will be a price to pay later for your disgusting ways. Maybe this will set you straight.” Russell tossed the stick away angrily and turned to leave. “There is no way you could say anything to the directors without damning yourselves and perhaps you have learned a lesson but I’ll be watching you just the same.” He walked off back to the main area of the camp. He got dressed as quickly as his sore body would permit and tried to stem the flow of tears that had been running down his face since the moment Jared had been fully inside him. Jensen had been left to stumble back to his bunk house with Jared trying to help but afraid to touch him. After everything that had happened in the months that he had been here he just wanted it all to be over and he didn’t care what fell into that category of all. He didn’t know what to think anymore so he just let his mind go blank and started working on auto pilot. He and Jared made it back to the bunk house and he tipped himself into bed. He was so uncoordinated as his body began to shut down when he was face down on his mattress that Jared had to cover him up with his blankets. He had flinched when Jared had placed his hand on his shoulder and wanted to cry but he seemed to have used up all his tears earlier and instead just closed his eyes and lay. It wasn’t long until he was pulled down into the blackness of unconsciousness so deep if he had nightmares he didn’t wake and didn’t remember them.   When he finally did wake he felt horrible and feverish and was in a daze. Jared was there, he could hear him and feel his light touch from time to time. He was sure he drifted in and out during the day, not able to pull the world into focus. The counselors came in at one point and there was an argument but he was too out of it to pay attention. That night he slept fitfully and the next day someone came to care for him. When he was finally able to be awake and somewhat back in focus the night after that Jared was gone and no one would talk to him about it. For two more days he was sick and had to be watched but after that he was returned to the normal routine of the place.   Jared was a forbidden topic and he refused to talk about what had happened to him. He was still a bit sore and had a hard time going to the bathroom. It was about a week later when he was reaching his limit to when he felt he had to do something when New Horizons was raided by the police and a bunch of social workers. He thought that things would get better but he wasn’t as right as he thought. Sure getting away from the hell hole New Horizons was made it look like there was light at the end of the tunnel but in reality it was out of the frying pan and into the fire. After two days of being questioned again and again and a doctor’s checkup he was sent home to his parents.   He was kept in confinement of his parents’ home and it was almost as bad as New Horizons. But it got worse when after two months of being at home he got sick. He had no idea what was going on and he started to have mini panic attacks that maybe something serious was wrong and he was going to die. But his mother, who had at first been nervous and in his dreams maybe scared for him, figured it out after almost two weeks. She made his father watch him as he peed on a stick-like device and give it to her. Ten minutes later he found out that he was pregnant and was confined to his room. He would come to spend the rest of his pregnancy in his room or the bathroom with the very rare trip to the kitchen.     *****************     Jared felt like the worst thing that existed for the moment and he didn’t see how he could ever make it right again. He had hurt his friend, his love in such a way he was nauseous and probably would have thrown up if he wasn’t using his mind to think of what to do now instead of dwelling on what had just happened. He had raped the one person he cared about besides his mother, father, brother and sister. He had been forced to do it by the very counselors who were supposed to be stopping them from having any feelings or thoughts to do something like that with another male minus the force.   Russell had been a thorn in his side ever since he got here and Jared had had a theory. He had never brought up this theory with Jensen for two reasons. First, because at first he was unsure of Jensen’s feelings towards the whole ‘gay is a disease and you could get better’ thing and second, when his feelings for Jensen began to turn into love and they grew closer together he was unsure how Jensen would take it and if it made him sound like a jealous teenage girl. He had suspected that Russell wasn’t quite the reformed success story that New Horizons thought him to be. That Russell was still in fact very much into boys and had a thing for Jensen. Russell saw Jared as competition and a threat and made Jensen all the more a temptation to Russell.   He watched over Jensen and tried to help him as best he could that night and the next day. Some councilors arrived when he and Jensen failed to show up for their lessons and he got into a huge fight with them. Jensen was so out of it that he didn’t seem to know what was going on and he hated that everything was making Jensen agitated and panicky. He was removed from the bunk house when he’d finally told them what Russell had made him do. He was sure that he was going to be punished but he was saved from that when his parents showed up with a lawyer that evening. His parents were so angry that he couldn’t get much of a word in with them while they argued with the directors of New Horizons. In the end his parents took him home that night. He never got to say goodbye to Jensen or even get his things, a counselor did that as his parents, the lawyer and New Horizons directors made the final arrangements and handed over papers.   When he got home with his parents there was very little time to adjust. He was supposed to go back to school after a brief session with the lawyer to talk about the details of how he got to New Horizons and an over view of his time there. His family broke ties with his uncle when they learned that he had sent Jared to New Horizons deliberately. They had very little support after that as the rest of the family wasn’t told the reason for the friction behind the decision. On top of that his sister Megan was still sick. She was getting better but she still took up the majority of their parents’ attention. His parents were still fighting although nothing like before when Megan had first gotten sick and they were seeing some councilor for that. Josh had a girlfriend now and that took up his time.   He found that when he went back to school that he didn’t fit in and even though he had taken some study classes at New Horizons he was behind. His friends had either moved on or got on his nerves and as time passed he got more emotional and began to act out. It took a while for his parents to notice and by then he was well on his way down a very bad path. It would take a lot of time and outside help for him to get his life under control and for him to push the memories and emotions from New Horizons away. And even though he still harbored feelings for Jensen he pushed the memories of him away as well since some of those feelings were of guilt and that was what Jared wanted to erase.     *****************   Present   It took just over a week after the P.I.’s bombshell before Jensen was confronted by Jared about their past and the fact that they shared Colin as a son. Jared had come to him alone one night and asked him to come back to the house to talk in private. When Jared had told Jensen he knew Jensen was Colin’s other father Jensen had looked so betrayed Jared wanted to take it back. But he pushed on and used logic to make Jensen realize that it was better for everyone concerned if the information was brought forward voluntarily. Jensen had been very emotional but had agreed to talk to him one on one before they shared anything with all the lawyers and the studio media relations team. Jared had begged Jensen to stay the night, in his old room of course and they could plan out the details in the morning, Jensen agreed. In the morning Jensen didn’t seem too angry anymore, in fact Jared thought Jensen was more resigned than anything. Jensen jumped right in starting off with why he had never come to Jared when he found out that Colin was Jared’s son that he himself had birthed. Jared apologized for not giving into his gut feelings and telling Jensen right away that Colin was his son instead of following the studio CEO and lawyers and keeping him out of the loop.   When Jared had called the studio CEO, lawyers and media team to tell them he wanted to talk about Colin’s mother they were reluctant to gather so many people until he mentioned he knew who it was and that they would be there. As he had agreed with Jensen the night before he left off on telling them the identity until the meeting. A meeting was set for a few hours later. He and Jensen were there early to talk some more in private and make sure that they were on the same page before revealing the big news.   “Jared, we were kids,” Jensen reasons looking dejected. “I hardly knew you, I didn’t know your last name, where I could find you. And after what happened to us if you would even want to see me.”   Jared reached out for Jensen then but stopped when Jensen wrapped his arms around his chest hugging himself in defense of touch. It was a step up from flinching in Jared’s eyes but not by much.   “I was messed up before that place and after…it was a lot worse. You were younger than me and I didn’t know what you’d do. There was no way we could have handled a baby at that age. And I didn’t want to take away any chance you had to maybe get yourself together and move on. I didn’t want you to always have a reminder of that time and possibly grow to be resentful of me if we were forced to be together.”   “I’m not one hundred percent sure but I think that it might have helped both of us if you had found some way to find me and tell me. I was messed up too, after, and maybe it might have kept me a little more grounded.”   “Or just sent you further off the reservation,” he shot back.   “That is a possibility but we’ll never know now. Now we have to concentrate on what we want to do. I’ve talked with Colin and so far he’s up for getting to know me and possibly hanging out when he gets comfortable. Before you think it I have no interest in becoming his dad, he already has one. But I want to get to know my son and he seems to be happy to connect to me and my family. I haven’t told him about the time I was at New Horizons because at the time I thought that he came from a partner I had after that place. However, I have to tell him that I was there and that he came from there and before you try to say anything about stopping me you should think on the fact that if I don’t tell him there is still a very high probability that he will find out anyway. In fact, I would lay odds that he does find out and I don’t want it to be from piecing it together himself after he does the math from the time line the news is sure to print.” Jared is talking very fast and he almost can’t take it all in.   If it weren’t for the fact that he knows Jared so well and has gotten used to the various ways he talks he wouldn’t be able to process this verbal overload. He still has to take a moment after Jared is done talking to get his mind to come up with all the connections he needs to respond.   “I know that I have issues with all of this and that logically you would have lots too but I just can’t do this Jared. I spent a long time trying to get rid of those memories and all the shit that went with them. I don’t want to think about any of this.” He knows he probably sounds a little like a whiney child but he can’t help it.   “Hey, I don’t really want to go through this either and dig up those memories but I have to and so do you. It’s not just about you or me or us anymore it’s about Colin. It’s a lot of years too late but we have a kid and we have to act like the adults we are.”   Jared is right but he still doesn’t have to like it. He remains silent for a while and Jared must take that as a sign that they are done with the topic and ready for the firing squad which has been waiting a few minutes outside. Jared went over to the door of the conference room to let everyone in and he walks to the far end of the room and faces away from the people coming in trying to delay the revealing of the past as long as possible.     *****************     Jared knew that confronting Jensen with all the lawyers and studio people behind him wasn’t a good idea or bound to be a pleasant conversation but he didn’t really have a choice. Jensen was going to need to talk but he hoped that by being there and going first he could smooth some things over as much as possible. He was glad that he had gotten to talk to Jensen first. He had wanted to know why Jensen hadn’t come to him after what he had learned about his ties with Colin and himself. He got some answers, but not enough for his liking. However, it would have to do because Jensen stopped talking not long after just starting to open up.   Jensen was just as uncooperative if not more so with all the lawyers present and getting information that was relevant from him was like pulling teeth from a hungry and angry tiger. When the lawyers seemed satisfied enough they left with a promise to come back and ask more questions before giving a press release. Both he and Jensen sighed with relief when the door was closed behind the last lawyer.   “You are most likely talked out for today but I am hoping to ask just a few more questions.” He was tired and his voice reflected it but he tried to add some forcefulness so that Jensen would hear that he meant that he wanted the answers sooner rather than later and by that he meant now.   Jensen just stared at him for a moment before finally shrugging his shoulders in defeat. “What?”   “How did you end up at New Horizons anyway? My uncle sent me to New Horizons when I was staying with him when Megan was sick.” Jared’s hands were in fists at the memory. Even after all this time and the therapy he still hated the man and would probably beat the shit out of him if he ran into him any time soon. “My parents didn’t have the best relationship with him but there was nowhere else for me to go and they though that I would at least be safe there.” He hoped that being open and giving Jensen some of his own background first would help him in telling him. The plan worked and after a bit Jensen answered him.   “My...” Jensen took a deep breath and exhaled before closing his eyes and going on. “My parents sent me to New Horizons after they found they couldn’t confine me as they wished upon learning that I was gay. However, when I got back to them after the raid on New Horizons they had figured it out by then.” A tear came out from the corner of his eye and rolled down his check as he went on. “I never left the house and hardly was let out of my room until after Colin was born, even then it was still bad. I left as soon as I could when I turned eighteen. I had been earning their trust by pretending that after Colin was born all the things that made me gay were leaving me. Like having Colin had loosened the hold the gay sickness had on me.”   “Having Colin must have been hard but how could you not fight for him, did you plan on giving him up the whole time? I think it would be awfully hard to pretend that he was the root of all your problems at the time and that if you got rid of him you got rid of the problems.” He would never know exactly how he would have felt having a child so young after all that he’d been through but he would like to have imagined that he would have seen it and like to have kept it and fought for it. It took Jensen a moment to answer and when he did he didn’t look at him.   “I never saw him, I didn’t even know that he was a he until the day after he was born,” Jensen smiled bitterly. “I found his birth information in the morning, it had gotten under my bed somehow and I hid it so that my parents wouldn’t find it. All I knew was that my son was born appearing healthy on September 12th at 8:43 in the evening. I didn’t get to hold him or name him or anything like that, he was covered right after birth and taken away. I did want to keep him but I had no choice and as a minor there was nothing I could do and besides that I was pretty much a prisoner in my own home.”     *****************   1996   Jensen couldn’t help but caress his rounded belly as he looked at himself in the mirror. He had stretch marks and his veins stood out of his pale skin and his belly button was sticking out. It wouldn’t be long now till his baby was born. He was unsure of what would happen when he went into labor, his parents had shared nothing on this matter. He wondered if they would help in some way or if he would have to do it all alone. That thought scared him and as much as he hated his parents he wanted whatever help they would give him when the time came. He was both scared and looking forward to the arrival of his baby in the near future.   He thought back to when he had first discovered that he was pregnant. He was just as scared then as he is now, actually more so because there was no joy in knowing that the baby would be born. He had thought at first his parents would make him get rid of it. But as much as his parents hated the idea of their son being pregnant and gay the hated abortion more. So they had kept him in seclusion and lectured him about the living sin he was and that the baby was going to be. His father had even beaten him a few times when Jensen had started to speak up and argue back. He now firmly believed that being gay wasn’t wrong and that he couldn’t be a sinner. He had not chosen to be gay he just was, as for sex it had been forced upon him so that wasn’t his fault. The baby wasn’t to blame as it could have decided to become anything on its own. Also, if gays were bad because they laid with other men and wasted their seed by not reproducing as his father and the preacher they saw lectured about, then he was exempt as he was after all able to lay with another man and produce children. He also argued about women not being able to have children and them not being looked down on. That particular argument had not gone over well at all, in fact it had led to a particularly bad beating in which he had feared for the health of his baby after.   Five days later Jensen woke from his afternoon nap with his stomach on fire and wet sheets. His water had just broken and he was in labor. He was so scared and didn’t know what to do so he just sat there and started crying. When the next contractions came he cried out and tried to curl up but the pain was too sharp to let him do so. Just after the contractions had subsided his door opened and his mother stuck her head in. She came in and to his side as soon as she saw what his condition was. He reached out for her but she pulled away from him and his heart skipped a beat. “When did this start? She asked him, still keeping a little of the distance she had put between them. “Just a few minutes ago,” he panted as his back and stomach muscles tightened again but no contraction came. “Try not to scream,” his mother said before going back out the door closing it behind her as if he might try to follow her. He was alone for about an hour thinking that he was going to have to give birth alone and that he was going to die when he was surprised by the return of not only his mother but the company of his father and another woman. The other woman it turned out was a midwife and when it came time she was to help him deliver the baby. He spent the rest of the day in labor with the midwife watching but not helping and under the eye of both or one of his parents. After many hours he was exhausted and in such pain that he thought he imagined that the midwife had come to help until he felt her strong grip on his legs pulling them apart. He tried to struggle but she spoke to him for the first time and he stopped in shock before her words registered. “Pull your knees up pointing out and put your feet flat on the bed boy it’s almost time and I need to see.” He flushed at the thought of the woman seeing his private area before a wave of pain hit with a contraction and he struggled to do as she wanted knowing that the baby was coming. When he finally got into the position she wanted after the contraction had passed he noticed that she already had her hands on his boxers and was pulling them off his hips and up his legs. She had just cleared his thighs when she reached down and her hand came back with a pair of scissors. She cut away his boxers and replaced the scissors before donning gloves from what he finally noticed was a bag next to her. He closed his eyes and tried to calm down and breath deep as her hands touched his ass. He tried to close his legs as she prodded at him but she kept them apart with a firm grip. Another contraction hit and she pressed on his stomach a bit and he wanted to hit her but didn’t, instead gripping the sheets firmly with both hands and trying not to scream. “You’re ready, it won’t be long now,” she addressed him before turning to look at his parents. “I’ll need my birthing bag and fill my bowl with hot water as well as the tub in the bathroom.” His father went out and returned a minute later with a large bag which he gave to his mother and left again, presumably to get the water. His mother opened the bag and pulled out a large sheet that crinkled like plastic and handed it to the woman. The woman folded the sheet and placed it on the bed instructing him to push his hips up so she could wedge part of it under him. He had trouble complying with her demand but managed and the sheet felt cold and rough under him when he was back on the bed. The woman arranged his legs so that they wouldn’t be on the sheet and turned back to his mother who had pulled a bunch of wrapped supplies from the bag. “In a few minutes you will feel the urge to push, you might have felt like it before but I want for you to wait until I tell you you can,” the woman instructed. “Donna, I need you to help Jensen sit up when I tell him to push.” The woman looked over at his mother with a serious expression.   He didn’t think that his mother would do it and he could tell that she didn’t want to, but she did. When the next contractions came the midwife told him to push and he did. It was very hard and it hurt worse than anything he’d felt before. It seemed to go on forever that he was having to push when the waves of pain came. In reality it was only minutes. With each push after the first three he felt like he was being torn apart and he did scream a few times. But after a while the room was filled with not his screams but that of his newly delivered baby. The midwife had unwrapped and was using some of her supplies which looked like a couple of pairs of odd pliers and a pair of scissors before using a towel to bundle the baby in. As soon as she had the baby secure she got up and backed away.   “My baby, my baby,” he was still in pain and felt weak but his baby’s cries were so loud and his heart raced at what could be wrong that the tiny thing could make such a noise. His father was blocking him from completely seeing the midwife and keeping her from returning to his side with his baby. His mother was keeping a firm grip on his shoulders and he was too weak to push her off and get up. He could only wiggle around to try and get a better view but it was impossible. The midwife took the baby out of the room and he let out a cry as what felt like another contraction hit him. Why was this happening? Was he having twins? He pressed his feet onto the mattress as he had done when he delivered his first baby and pushed a little. Nothing came out and he was granted a minute or two reprieve before the next contraction came but it was much weaker than the previous ones. He didn’t push but it was a close thing and he wanted the midwife back to help him with the second baby. She came back in a minute later and came to check on him speaking before he got the chance. “You are almost ready for the after birth, I want you to push on the next contraction even if you don’t feel like it.” The midwife got back into the position she had been in when she had helped him deliver his baby. Expelling the after birth took the rest of his strength and his mother let him fall back and left his side as the midwife began to clean him up. He was out of it with pain, exhaustion and sadness as the woman worked. When he focused again he was cleaned and had been moved and a blanket had been put over him, the bed had been stripped and the room had been cleaned. The midwife was talking in hushed but angry tones with his parents at the door of the room. When they noticed that he seemed to be aware of what was going on they moved away from the door.   He was left alone for the rest of the night and he fell in and out of a restless sleep. The next morning his parents, besides allowing him pain pills and more time in the bathroom, went on as if nothing had happened. By some luck he found a small piece of paper that had gotten under his bed that the midwife must have written. He learned that the baby he had given birth to was a boy and that she had considered him healthy. He asked about his baby but got no answer and his father hit him and told him to shut up about it before the week was out. He became depressed as time wore on and he was still confined to his room. He figured that if he was ever going to get out of his room and the house was if he played by his parent’s rules.   It took months for him to convince his parents that he was getting better and that he wasn’t inclined to males anymore. He didn’t really think he was either, at least not sexually. He never wanted to feel the kind of pain he’d had the first time he’d had sex and he defiantly didn’t want to go through pregnancy or birth again.   The first time that his parents left him alone in the house without being locked in his room he was tempted to run but he didn’t realizing that it was a kind of test. He hated to wait but he knew that if he ran then that he would end up back with his parents as he was still a minor and they would be called if he was picked up on his own. His depression grew and his parents needed less threats and pressure to keep him in the house. By the time his eighteenth birthday came he almost felt like not leaving.   *****************   Present   A week after their talk with the studio people a press release was issued that Jared had been in contact with his child and the child’s other parent. They asked for privacy and that more information would come later when the parties involved were settled. Rumors ran rampant in the fan community and Supernatural’s ratings jumped. Luckily a new news story eclipsed theirs, at least in the major news. A plane crashed into the Hudson River in New York. The smaller media and celebrity oriented press stopped being interested two weeks later when singers Rihanna and Chris Brown failed to show up at the Grammys.   Jared had gotten to be present via video conference when Colin was told that is other parent was found and was in fact his other father and not his mother, but that his identity would be revealed later. Colin had been shocked but had agreed to waiting to know the answer. His parents took a little longer to convince and a date would be set at a later time so that all parties involved could have more time to digest and process the news.   Jensen had agreed to meet and talk with Colin the next time he came up to see Jared. They had been talking and getting close again after Jared had confronted him about Colin. He had moved back into the house and after almost a month started sleeping in their old bed. Jared was patient with him like when they had first gotten together and let Jensen lead in their relationship sexually which for Jensen meant just hand jobs for the moment. He had tried to steer clear of talk of Colin but Jared wouldn’t drop it. Jared never pushed him really hard but slowly chipped away at him. At the same time Jared also encouraged him to talk about their past and find a therapist to work things through. He was still uncomfortable about anyone knowing what had happened to him before, during and after New Horizons. If he did talk about it, it was often after lots of alcohol and only with Jared. One week before Colin was going to visit them since everything came out he got plastered with Jared and opened up like he hadn’t in the past. “I would have given it to you you know,” he slurred, as he looked at Jared who was on the opposite end of the couch a box of pizza between them. “Given me what?” Jared wasn’t quite as hammered as Jensen was. “My virginity. I believe if we had been there longer and not been discovered I would like to think that I would have given you my virginity. I would have liked very much for you to have been my first. I…I loved you. Even back then I loved you.” Jared smiled at him. “That means a lot to me and I am still sorry for the way it worked out but I am glad that I was your first. We wouldn’t have Colin other wise and I would have hated to see what Russell would have done if I hadn’t done…it.” Jared’s smile was gone and his voice was low and he had a faraway look in his eyes as his words ended in a hesitant stutter. “God he was a real piece of work wasn’t he, I was so scared of him and what he was going to do. Looking back I don’t know why I didn’t scream or anything to draw attention to us. It was two of us against him and there was no way of proving anything. I was so afraid of what they would do to us if they knew but in hind sight it was nothing that they weren’t already doing.” Jared didn’t answer for a moment but when he did he sounded sober and serious. “I know you may not want to hear this and it won’t make anything any better but I think that he liked you. And that sooner or later he would have made some kind of move on you. If he hadn’t caught us and threated you I think he would have tried to...to…well to try and be with you and he wouldn’t have cared how either.” He wanted to deny it but he knew deep down that it was most likely true. Chris had said something of the sort the only time that he’d told him what had happened to him when he was smash drunk and depressed to the point that he was playing with the idea of not going on. Chris had tried everything to console him and point out that nothing was his fault and had stayed with him for a week to get him straightened out. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” He turned slightly away from Jared to look at the TV, which had a game on in mute. “I understand what you are saying and I can understand your logic but I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Jared frowned, but after a moment nodded. “Not now, but later. Someday.” He jerked his head in a little nod of confirmation and found the remote to turn on the volume. They spent the rest of the evening watching the game and the highlights show afterward before going to bed.   *****************   When Colin came for his visit Jared made sure that Colin’s parents and lawyer were there. Jensen’s lawyer was on standby, as was his should they be needed, but he didn’t think it would be necessary. Jensen had given him permission to tell Colin and his parents that he was Colin’s other biological parent and that he would be willing to take a test to prove it even though he had all the papers collected by the P.I.   Colin’s parents were not thrilled by this revelation and demanded that the papers be produced and a new DNA paternity test was performed before Colin would be allowed to visit. It took all of Jared’s patience and charm along with Colin actually throwing a mini tantrum for his parent to allow Jensen to see Colin now. They of course wanted to be present but agreed not to be if another person was involved. Jared knew that Jensen would not go along with that so he decided to play it a bit fast and lose.   Since they were on the set of Supernatural and just on a break Jared would grab someone on set and he set his eyes on Kim Manners. Kim had proven to be an awesome guy and both he and Jensen had a good relationship with the guy. Also, Jensen was as close to comfortable as you could get without smashing into his personal inner walls with Kim. A plus to this was that Kim was in the middle of previewing some now soundtrack pieces today. He would make sure that Kim was present for the meet up but that he had his work so that he, Jensen and Colin would have some privacy if Kim kept his headphones on and the music going. There was no way Jensen wouldn’t agree to that he figured.   Kim was confused by his request at first but agreed when he figured out that it was important to the boys. So he stowed away his work in his bag, met with Colin’s parents and sat down in a chair in the little room that the meeting was going to be in. Colin was there before he could get Jensen in and he was kind of glad as he shut the door as soon as they entered and Jensen would have to get through him to leave.   Jensen looked pretty panicked when he saw Kim and Colin but calmed a little as Kim pulled his work out and put on a giant pair of headphones that surrounded his entire ears. Jared made sure that Jensen had to sit in the chair closest to Colin and farthest from the door. Jensen sat on the edge of his seat as if he would jump up and run away at any moment.   They all sat in silence for a few minutes before Jensen got up the nerve to speak first.   “Um so I guess Jared told you that I’m your...um...” Jensen couldn’t quite finish his sentence and title on what to call himself in his relationship to Colin. He wasn’t female so he wasn’t Colin’s mother and the title of father usually went to the male in the relationship but as Jensen and Jared were both male it went to the partner providing the sperm.   “That you are my other biological parent,” Colin supplied, his voice flat and even. He seemed to be getting over the shock of Jensen being his birth parent quite well for having found out only an hour or so earlier.   “Yeah.” Jensen rubbed at the back of his neck and sat back a little further in his chair but still seemed ready for flight at any moment.   “Are you going to be honest with me? Jared already promised to answer all my questions.” Colin sounded hopeful and he tried not to wince as Jensen looked over to him.   “I am going to be as honest as I can be. Remember, there are somethings that aren’t quite appropriately suitable for you to know just yet,” Jared tried to ease Jensen’s fears of what would be brought up and at the same time set limits for Colin and the expectation that some things might be off limits without having to lie about them.   “I guess I can do that.” Jensen’s voice trembled a bit and he seemed to hunch in on himself as he said it.   He got the impression that Jensen was waiting for a blow or like he was a few steps away from an executioner’s chopping block. “So I have told Colin a little about what my life was like around the time he was born. I can repeat it if either of you want or we can just go on and I’ll answer questions from both of you.” He put emphasis on the word both. He wanted Jensen to know that he would be honest with him too, about anything. He hoped that Jensen would not only talk here with Colin but later with him alone and know that he could have the answers he wanted or needed.   “So, I know that you were young when you had me but since you didn’t get rid of me before I was born why did you after? Why didn’t you contact Jared?” Colin didn’t hold back and asked a pretty hard question.   “I grew up in a very strict religious house and abortion was not an option and my parents wouldn’t stand for that despite the hate they had for my condition. I was a minor as you have probably figured out so keeping you or not was not up to me. As for contacting Jared we were only together once and I didn’t really have the opportunity to do so since my parents had me under pretty tight control at the time after they learned I was pregnant.” Jensen couldn’t look at Colin as he spoke but he sat back in his chair.   “I know that Jared didn’t know about me but did you ever try and find me or what to know what happened to me?” Colin went right on with the hard questions.   “I didn’t get to have time with you after you were born, my parents wanted you out of the house. I am not sure what your parents told you but from what I know the person who helped me have you took you to a hospital and left you there. There was no way I could track her or find you at the time and afterwards I didn’t have the money or the knowhow. I did hope that you were okay and that you were being raised alright. After a while I just wanted to put everything about it behind me. If I didn’t acknowledge it it didn’t happen. It was just easier that way, I don’t know if you can understand that but it’s all I can give you on that.”   They were all silent for a moment and Jared was worried that this would be it. Not that it hadn’t been illuminating but he felt as if they shouldn’t end things just yet. He didn’t have to worry for long as Colin wasn’t done yet.   “Can either of you tell me how you met and why you decided to have sex?”   Jared grimaced and so did Jensen but he was determined to answer and beat Jensen to an answer. “We met at a camp, and not a fun one. It was a place that neither of us should have been at and shouldn’t have existed. It doesn’t exist anymore but the damage they caused goes beyond us. As to why, well that answer I don’t think you’re ready for and I for one am not quite ready to talk about.”   “I’m with Jared on the last bit and I am not quite sure I would call that place a camp it was more like a cult prison but that is just my opinion.” Jensen had an angry hateful expression on his face.   He had to remember that Jensen had been at New Horizons longer then he had and he was unsure of how things had gone after he had left.   “Let me ask you something, Colin.” Jensen sat forward again and actually looked Colin in the eyes. “I will admit I was messed up back then but that kind of goes with the territory of being in that camp place, which is where you were conceived and having you so young and all. Hell, I am still a little messed up from the whole thing. So what I want to know is what do you want out of all this in the end? You seem to have great parents and are well adjusted and I could never be your parent. I can only give you so many answers about the how and why you were born and I have no family ties to give you besides myself. Medically speaking I can cover my family history for you if you ever need it.”   Colin didn’t look hurt by the words Jensen said but he appeared to be taking in Jensen’s words and thinking them over. Colin bit his bottom lip and looked at him before addressing Jensen’s words to a spot between him and Jensen. His voice was a little sad but his eyes were clear of tears. “I want to get to know Jared and so far he wants the same. He has already stated that he doesn’t want to take over for my parents and wants to know about my life. I want to get to know him as well and hopefully we can become good friends. I would hope to have the same kind of relationship with you, but if you can’t…” Colin didn’t get to finish.   “I would like to get to know you, very much,” Jensen interrupted earnestly. “I do know a little because I hired a P.I. but nothing really personal just professional. I am sorry about that if it weirds you out but I was looking into what the press called Jared’s child at the time. I’m not so sure that you would like to have anything too close once you figure out some of my past. It’s going to take some time for that, by the way, I’m not all that fond of being open.”   “I’ll take what I can get.” Colin smiled a little. “Jared’s told me his past isn’t a walk in the park either but I figure if you made it this far living it I can stand to hear it when you’re ready. I want to know but I think if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t want to be pushed so I won’t push you. Just…don’t make me wait too long.”   For the rest of the meeting they talked about things on set, the possibility of Colin’s coming back and how they had all gotten into acting. His and Jensen’s answers had been a little similar and the fact that they had both met their best friends doing it and it was them that had found ways to help them cope would be downright laughable if it weren’t for the serious matters those reasons covered up. When they were done they alerted Kim who must have gone through the music recordings several times over while waiting. Everyone agreed that they wouldn’t meet up again until after the studio execs and lawyers had been brought up to speed and a press statement released and the majority of any fall out was over. With some convincing the Ford’s agreed that Colin’s name could be released and Jensen agreed to. When the Ford’s left with Colin Jared decided that they should get all the necessary people together in the next day or two. Best to get things over with as quickly as possible and move on to a hopefully brighter future.   *****************   1996   Jared didn’t seem to care where his life was going because no one really cared about him or where he was going either. He had been home for about two weeks with his parents either fussing over him about every little thing or ignoring him and fighting about what had been done to him. They told him that they didn’t mind him being gay but wouldn’t listen to him talk about Jensen who he was worried about. They went overboard on the sexual education for his safety but didn’t want to know what he thought about it or who he saw. They led a case against his uncle and New Horizons putting him through much embarrassment by making him talk about what happened there in detail then ignoring it when it was all over. They wanted to give him space, to which he used to get in trouble, then showed disappointment when he did something they didn’t want him to and didn’t expect. Finally, the last straw was when he got busted for public indecency by making out shirtless with an equally shirtless girl in the bathroom at a ball field. It was either detention in juvie or family court- ordered therapy. By then he had been running wild for over a year and he was the definition of a teenage terror.  His parents stuck him in therapy.   He had rebelled at first but he got lucky and the therapist he had been sent to stuck with him and didn’t give up. Slowly he worked getting Jared to find other better and safer outlets for his anger, guilt and depression besides sex, minor drinking and theft. Drawing out his emotions came with drawing out his memories of what had happened to him while he was at New Horizons. He finally told his therapist something that he had only told his parents when he had first gotten out of New Horizons. He told about Jensen and what he’d been forced to do to him. After that first time he never brought it up again until Chad and it was the bare bones preferring to leave the past in the past.   One of the outlets that he found while in therapy was acting. He was good at it since he was good at lying and pretending to be something he was not. Mainly innocent when he was or at the time had been the opposite. When he turned eighteen he felt comfortable enough with acting and his ability at it to try it for a profession. He’d been hired for a show on the WB called Gilmore Girls right away. It was then that he met Chad Michael Murray and somehow they had just clicked. He had never considered Chad dating material and even though he was good at covering up his sexual orientation Chad managed to figure out he liked men. Chad never made too much of a big deal about it and after one incident where he freaked when Chad brought it up as a joke Chad never discussed it again around him in public. In private they would sometimes talk about it, especially after their friendship held strong when Chad left Gilmore Girls.   Chad teased him about his fake relationship with Sandra McCoy, who he met on the movie Cry wolf, but was confused by her absence when they filmed the remake of House of Wax. He had just met Jensen prior to filming House of Wax and had intentions of pursuing him. He had broken if off with Sandy because their relationship was going nowhere and he wasn’t a cheater. Sandy had never known about his inclinations towards men and he kept it that way. She had even guest starred on Supernatural later and they kept in touch more after that.   ***************   Present   The studio executives just about shit a brick when Jared and Jensen told them that they together were the parents of Colin and wanted to let the press know. The lawyers asked hundreds of questions and wanted everything done to document this and the media team was going to have to stretch their creative truth twisting talents and actually have to earn their money for a change. Kripke, Singer, and Manners were very relaxed and somewhat thrilled by the announcement that their two stars were so connected. Kripke even joked that it was fate and he couldn’t have come up with a better story if they were actually Dean and Sam acting out the lives of ordinary people. The boys found it a little creepy.   Of course everything was going to be done to protect Colin’s privacy as well as the private relationship between Jared and Jensen. There would be a press release that yes Jared was a father and that he was in a relationship with the child’s other parent and that they wished for privacy and would not answer questions. Filming would begin again in full swing from the scattered bits they were doing now a few weeks after the story was out and it was just a little behind their usual post-holiday time line, although there would be fewer episodes for the season. Everyone prepared for the worst and hoped for the best. Right before the press release the core crew members who had been there since day one and had signed on for the next season or two had been told in confidence that Colin was Jared’s son. They all agreed not to speak to the press but had the right to know as Colin would be back for further episodes at a later date.   True to form, the fans and media went nuts when the confirmation by Jared and the studio the news that Jared was a father and that he was apparently off the singles market. For the most part the fans respected the privacy of Jared and the rest of the Supernatural cast and crew but there were a few who called for the right to know more. The media hounded them all for a little while until the next big thing came along.   Jared had arranged to give Jensen some space after the press release and they mainly had contact on set while they waited for everything to settle down again. Jensen got over it a lot quicker this time and they were back to sharing a room before the two week mark was up. Colin planned to visit at the end of the filming season in the early spring. Jared hoped that an invitation for Jensen to meet up with him and Colin would be a good time to work up their relationship again. He gave Jensen the date and time and asked if Jensen would bring some photos for Colin to see. He himself was bringing photos and planned to talk about family stories. After that it was all up to Jensen and he hoped that everything would turn out well considering Jensen would have a harder time opening up and probably wouldn’t mention his family.    When the date came Jared was so proud that Jensen had shown up and was willing to try and make the best of a future together. Colin was already inside the hotel suite they had arranged to meet in so Jared held the door open for Jensen to come in before shutting them in. He gave Jensen a big smile as Jensen waited nervously, gripping a large envelop. He led Jensen into the tiny kitchen were Colin was waiting and they all sat down at the table. Jensen opened the envelope and took out a stack of photos placing them in front of him.   Jared and Jensen sat at the table across from each other with Colin on the side that wasn’t facing the living room. Three piles of pictures were on the table showing three very different sets of lives. A single picture of the three of them sat in the middle of the table were soon the rest of the pictures would be placed after being passed around to mingle much like the lives of those who had brought them to share.   The End.   Not Really….   Epilogue   In the following year and a half Jared and Jensen got back together and their relationship was stronger than ever. Jared and Jensen went to therapy together and Jensen was opening up emotionally and finally facing his past. With only their family and friends they secretly married and got to share joint custody of Colin with his parents who thrived with his new relationship with his biological parents. Colin’s adopted parents became part of the family as well, getting along with Jared’s parents after a few meetings. Jensen never did reconcile with his parents and no one really worried about that. Supernatural got over the scandal of its lead actor having a child and keeping it all private and the show is going strong. A charity was set up to help those young men and women who were gay and weren’t accepted by their parents or relatives with which they lived. They kept their involvement low key and managed to do a lot of good.   Now it is The End. End Notes Thanks for reading if you liked please leave comments or if you hated it leave comments too, this is how I know if I am doing well or what I can do better next time! Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!