Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/4816769.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      The_Walking_Dead_-_All_Media_Types, The_Walking_Dead_(TV)
  Relationship:
      Carl_Grimes/Shane_Walsh
  Character:
      Shane_Walsh, Carl_Grimes
  Additional Tags:
      Rape/Non-con_Elements
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-09-17 Words: 2372
****** Never forget ******
by MarVinKill
Summary
     This is a story based on my own life, just told with the characters
     from TWD. I still have trouble facing my demons and this is one of
     the options i got to try and overcome.
     I’m telling it with Shane and Carl. Carl will be me even tough he is
     male and i’m not. It will play out just before TWD happens. Carl is a
     boyscout and Shane is one of the leaders.
Notes
     This story has been in my laptop for a long time, I wrote it as part
     of a therapy session. I never worked up the courage to post it as
     it's basically about me.
     I'm posting it now as I'm getting to a place where I can face my
     demons. I haven't read it again so it might be full of spelling
     mistakes and English isn't my native language.
It was a beautiful day, the sun was finally shining after the long spring
rains. I’m sitting in the car beside Shane and looking out the window. It feels
weird not to be hiking with the others to the campsite but as my foot is still
hurting from the accident last week I’m just as happy that i can at least enjoy
the camping trip with the other kids. I have been looking forward to it for
weeks and my mom and dad didn’t want me to go at first but Shane promised he
would look out for me and he would drive ahead of the troop to the campsite to
build it up.
“Hey Carl,you gonna help me build up the leader tent? Or is your foot to
painful?” Shane doesn’t look at me but i see the playful mocking smile he gives
me. He always makes you wanna do more then you can and challenge yourself.
Everyone loves him being one of the leaders as he is a cop and always tells bad
ass stories about what he does. “Of course! I answer. It doesn’t hurt that
much!” He gives me a big smile. “Good, that’s the spirit!” Finally we get off
the main road and head into the more forested area. It’s quite a long drive and
the troop will take all day to get there. Shane is telling a story again about
when they once had to try and get a criminal who was hiding in this forest. It
is so big that it took them weeks before they found him. The criminal was happy
they actually found them because he had gotten lost and he was slowly starving.
I’ve heard the story before but I still laugh along as he tells me about his
deputy who fell face first into some deer droppings.
We must have been driving for at least an hour and the woods are now all around
us. We arrive at a small clearing in the woods with just an outhouse and a
sink. There aren’t many campsites like these around but Shane managed to get
permission to camp here as its usually only used for survival instructions for
the military. Shane parks the car and we get out.
“Wow this is so cool” I’ve never seen a place so isolated as this.
“Yup” Shane has already started to unload the trailer as I just walk around and
look at this beautiful place.
“Carl, are you gonna help me or just look around?” His mocking smile is back
and I rush over to help him. I pull the long poles from the trailer as Shane
directs me where to lay the out. The troops will have to build up their own
tents and kitchens when they arrive. I carefully pick out the poles that are
best for the kitchen of my troop.
“Your troop is lucky they have you to already do their fighting for them” Shane
laughs at me. Every year the troops will fight about the materials but now we
just divide them our selfs.
It’s not even midday when we are done with the campsite for the troops. all
their materials are on their own piles so this year there won’t be any
fighting.
“Carl, can you give me a hand setting up the campsite for the troop leaders?
Shane is already hoisting the big duffle bag that holds their tent on his
shoulder and i quickly run over to grab the poles for their kitchen. Their
campsite is way further off from the kids and stands all by them self. It takes
a few trips back to the car to get all the material and their gear to their
campsite and my foot starts to hurt. Shane starts to lay out the kitchen and I
make the knots he taught us. He smiles proudly at me and it doesn't take long
before we can pull the plastic tarp over it as a roof so the kitchen will stay
dry when it rains. Shane pulls some peanut butter and bread out of the
groceries and makes us a sandwich. he hands me a cola can.
“I thought we weren’t allowed and sweetened drinks on the trip?”
Shane laughs “shhhh, we do and because you are helping me so well I’ll make an
exception. Just don’t tell anyone or we might get a riot” He gives me a hug as
I promise i won’t tel anyone. After we finished up the food and drinks we start
on the tent. Its just past noon when the tent is up. I get in the tent and
shane hands me all the beds one at a time with the sleeping bags. I lay them
out. We only have 4 leaders and they have the biggest tent. Shane even has one
of those raised beds. There is still so much room left. We set all their gear
inside. Shane has gotten in and sits down on his bed. He pats the spot next to
him and i sit down.
“so how long till the others arrive?” I ask as its gonna be a long hike and we
are finished now. Shane puts his hand on my bare knee “quite a while Carl, we
are just quicker then I thought we would be” he squeezes my knee.
“What can we do now?” I wonder why he keeps his hand on my knee and I suddenly
feel a bit weird.
“Wanna see something cool?” He takes his hand of my knee and I perk up. When
Shane wants to show something cool it is always fun. I nod my head and Shane
grabs his bag, he rummages trough it and finally pulls out his police gun.
“Wow, They let you bring it. That’s so cool! I thought you told us you weren’t
allowed to take it with you out of the station?” Shane laughs. “Indeed! I did
tell you guys that. But that was more because then all the kids want to hold it
and not all the parents will agree with that and i’m sure you can keep it a
secret.” He holds out the gun and I take it. It feels heavier then I imagined.
I turn it over a few times. “Is it loaded?” Shane takes the gun back “You
planning on shooting me?” He suddenly looks seriously at me. I nervously answer
“No” and Shane starts laughing. “Good” He takes out the empty clip and show me
how to empty the chamber. There isn’t a bullet in it. “Here i’ll show you how
to load it.: He takes a pack of bullets out of his bag and show me how to fill
the clip. “Now you have to put it in the gun. Come sit on my lap and I’ll show
you” I do as he tells me and he takes my hands and helps me load it. “Can I
shoot it?” He laughs and takes the gun back. “I don’t think thats a good idea.”
He lays the gun next to us and places his hand around me. His other hand goes
back to my leg and starts to rub it softly. The creepy feeling I got earlier
comes back and i freeze. I finally manages to get out a whispered “Shane” but
he shushes me. “Don’t worry about it” His hand goes further up during the
circles and my mind is going into overdrive. finally his hand comes to the
shorts i’m wearing and he slowly slides his fingers underneath for a few
seconds. Then his hands go down again to my knee. My mind is trying to
understand whats happening and when it doesn’t come up with an answer i try to
stand up. Shane holds me down with his other hand around my middle and he
shushes me again. Now the panic becomes more real as his hands get underneath
my shorts again and this time stays there.
“ Shane smells my neck and suddenly I feel his lips on my neck. Suddenly my
minds connects all the dots and I realize whats happening. I try and struggle
free of his hand holding my middle but Shane is way stronger and I quickly
close my legs to stop his other hand. Shane continues rubbing my legs as I
struggle. “Shane please!” I let out in a panic and the a whispered “Stop”. My
heart is hammering in my chest as my mind is trying to find a solution. I feel
Shane’s muscles tense and when he finally speaks he sounds like someone else.
“Stop struggling or it will hurt”. This only makes me more scared and the panic
takes over. I try and hit him with my elbows and try to get myself free my
hanging forward on his arm. Finally the bed gives way to my weight and we
topple forward with bed and all. Shane lands on me and quickly he pins me to
the ground. He knows how to keep struggling people down with his profession and
my feeble attempt make him laugh.
Suddenly I hear a click behind me and I feel metal against the side of my head.
When i glance sideways I see the gun painted at my face. “Calm down” he hisses
at me with a sense of authority behind it. “I know you want this” I furiously
nod my head no but he doesn’t want to see that. He presses the gun against my
head. “Turn around, Carl” He lifts his hips of my back. I’m paralyzed looking
at him, pleading with my eyes for him to stop. Tears start to well up in my
eyes. He nudges with the gun against my head. “Turn around” The same cold order
I see no way out anymore and slowly do as he told me. “Take your shirt off” I
close my eyes and my trembling hands find the buttons that I slowly undo. Once
they are all undone I feel his hand move over my chest. I squeeze my eyes
tighter and try to think of something else. I can feel his hand leave me and
feel him move. Then his hand get back on my stomach and suddenly I feel the
warmth of his lips. “You smell so nice, Carl” His lips get lower and lower till
he reaches the top of my pants. He gets off me and I open my eyes. He holds the
gun in his left hand and with the others he starts to take his pants of. I look
around trying to see of a way out when I see him point the gun at me again
“Stay still, Carl and nothing bad will happen” My eyes are fixed on his other
hand. His pants and underwear are around his ankles now. He’s holding his dick
in his hands. I’ve never seen an adult dick besides my father. Shane’s dick
looks way bigger and fully erect. “Take of yours Carl, I wanna see what you
look like” I start to cry now but do as I’m told. “Good boy” He kicks off his
boots and manages to step out of his pants and underwear without even looking
down. He kicks my legs apart but in reflex I pull my legs up and close my knees
tightly together. He’s still between my feet and slowly sit down. I can feel
his hand going up and down the outside of my leg and slowly he gets to my
knees. I feel his hand push between my knees to get them apart. My mind is
going blank but somehow i manage to keep my legs tightly together. Suddenly he
grabs my painful foot. I scream in pain. “Open your legs, Carl” He hisses
angrily at me as he keeps turning my ankle. I slowly relent and I feel him
quickly move up so I can’t close them anymore. The gun is back at my head and I
feel his other hand touch me. His fingers finally find what they are looking
for and he pushes in. It hurts and I try and get away but the gun is pushed
harder against my skull.
This time I feel a cold wet finger press against me and I just keep my eyes
squeezed shut. I feel my mind and body giving up. I can’t stop it anymore and
there is no way out. My body relaxes and I feel his fingers go in en out of me.
Somehow it feels distant. Like it isn’t my own body. The fingers leave and
suddenly I get pulled up by my hair. He pushes me face first over a backpack.
I’m not even fighting more even when I see him put down the gun. Both his hands
are on me pushing my legs apart and holding me down. I feel something big at my
entrance and I just start pleasing “No, please, no, no” It are only just
whispers that stop the moment the pain shoots trough my body. I struggle out of
reflex but he grabs my arms and fold them behind my back. Pinning them in place
with one of his hands. The pain rips trough me with every trust. My mind has
zoned out totally now and i’m not even crying anymore. The only thing I feel is
the pain but even that my mind seems to dull. I hear him moan and suddenly the
trusts become frantic, and with a few more trusts he spills himself in me. I
feel him pull out and slowly sit back releasing my hands. I just keep laying
there with my mind still somewhere else. I hear him move around and let myself
slide of the side of the backpack and curl up. I see him trough my watery eyes
get dressed and finally pick up the gun. “Get dressed, Carl” My body complies
without my mind being present. Finally when I’m done I see the gun back in my
face. “Let’s keep this a secret too Carl!” He whispers to me “You don’t want
your parents going to jail now, do you? I just nod as I try to keep the tears
from falling
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