Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/13541058.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Kuroshitsuji_|_Black_Butler
  Relationship:
      Sebastian_Michaelis/Ciel_Phantomhive
  Character:
      Sebastian_Michaelis, Ciel_Phantomhive
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_Modern_Setting, Eating_Disorders, Possible_Character
      Death, Slow_Burn, Other_Additional_Tags_to_Be_Added
  Stats:
      Published: 2018-02-01 Updated: 2018-03-13 Chapters: 6/? Words: 11884
****** My True Addiction ******
by addictiontofiction13
Summary
     "I usually compare him to a drug injected to my veins that keeps me
     up on high even on days i couldn't get out of bed. But what I never
     say, what I'm afraid to admit, is that most of the times I fear that
     I'll get used to this feeling, that I'll get used to this high, and
     that one day I'll wake up, desensitized, with all my lovestruck
     feelings for him gone." - Cynthia Go, If Love is a Drug
Notes
     Hello!!! I hope you guys enjoy this beautiful fanfiction I've come up
     with! I want to thank my three betas - enigma, krystal_pheonix, and
     weeny - for sticking with me and putting up with my trashy writing
     while we work on this.
     Please enjoy! I'd appreciate any and all comments and kudos so please
     hand 'em up!!!
     Also follow me on tumblr for drabbles, sebaciel pictures, etc. at
     addictiontofiction13.tumblr.com <3
***** Chapter 1 *****
Ciel Phantomhive sighed with ease, petite arms wrapped around his slender
shoulders as he craned his neck to gaze behind him with pursed lips and an
innocent look placed on the perfect features of his feminine face.
 
“Hold that pose!”, said the photographer as he bent down to snap a picture. He
stood and walked to both sides, snapping more as he went.
 
An aching growl met Ciel’s ears as his stomach grumbled and then he was
released, uncurling his arms from around himself. “That a wrap?” he asked with
a wide grin, hoping to sneak away to the snack table laid out for the group of
people in the room.
 
“Not quite. We've got one more outfit for the Lander’s Summer line we'd like
you to try,” the elderly man responded.
 
Ciel groaned inwardly and began to walk off the set, his slender and trembling
fingers working the buttons on his shirt. “I'll go change then.” His voice was
always chipper when working, and all the tabloids constantly praised him, how
nice it was to shoot with him, being so kind.
 
“You're lovely as always, Ciel,” said his aunt Angelina when he reached his
dressing room. “Those are going to come out great.”
 
“Like they always do,” he replied with a small smile. He reached for the outfit
he would be in next, a tiny men’s romper with plaid pattern and little skull
and crossbones everywhere. It was hideous in Ciel’s opinion, but he would be
made to look stunning in it, he was sure. “Isn't Grell supposed to be here
before the shoot is finished today?”
 
“He just called, dear, he's running a bit late. He said 20 minutes, tops.”
Angelina ran a perfectly manicured hand through her vibrant red hair.
 
Of course he is, Ciel mused inwardly as he pulled the pants he'd been
photographed in off of his skinny legs. “Have him see me as soon as he
arrives.” He wasn’t usually so snappy with his guardian, cheeks pink at the
thought. The slate-haired boy felt a shiver rake through his body as the air
touched his frame. “And I thought I asked to have that covered,” he hissed as
his shining blue eyes caught sight of the full-body length mirror against the
wall directly adjacent to where he stood in only a pair of boy shorts.
 
Model or no model, Ciel Phantomhive hated his body. His ribs were visible,
stomach flat, hip bones clear and jutting out profusely to barely hold up his
undergarments. His legs were perfectly thin with a small, stunning two inch gap
between his thighs. His collar bones were deep, and his jaw sharp. His skin
tone was pale, almost sickly, and contrasted against the wide, sapphire blue of
his eyes.
 
And all he saw was fat - disgusting, shameful, nasty fat.
 
“I'll have it done immediately, dear,” Angelina said as she stood to throw her
blood red jacket over the mirror to release Ciel's gaze from it.
 
He lowered his eyes and thanked her quietly, slipping the disgusting romper
over his petite shoulders. Head held high after making sure it was fitting
snugly, he walked out of his dressing room and toward the make up table. The
girls there dressed his face and had him on his way once again in no time.
 
“Ready, Phantomhive?” asked the photographer.
 
He nodded, waiting patiently as the man explained poses for him, in which he
pulled off beautifully, apparently, though he was sure it was all in the camera
work. He wasn’t beautiful, he was just gross.
 
As the photographer finished the pictures of his last outfit for the day, a
high-pitched and overly flamboyant voice echoed throughout the stage, “Perfect!
Oh, Ciel, these are going to turn out lovely!”
 
The boy’s gaze turned to watch as Grell Sutcliff, his manager, burst into the
set and sauntered toward him with grace and poise. His eyebrows knitted
together, hating to see that long red hair any day of the week, though he knew
it was a requirement of his job.
 
He plastered on a fake smile, walking toward Grell to meet him halfway.
“Grell,” he said with feigned kindness. “How great to see you again.”
 
“Oh, isn’t it, though?” Grell beamed while flipping that hair Ciel hated over
his shoulder. “I’ve got such good news for you, too.”
 
One eyebrow twitched upward. You’re not my manager anymore? he thought, but
didn’t say. “What is it?” he asked instead, fingers playing with a button on
his romper.
 
“You’re going to Paris in September!” the redhead squealed, earning a gasp from
the teenager.
 
“I’m a part of fashion week?” he exclaimed, to which, his manager nodded. He
nearly screamed, bouncing up and down. He felt his skin jump with him, which
instantly made him stop, thinking only of the fat being visible to everyone
around him. His smile faltered for just a moment, but then it came back
brighter than ever. “That’s amazing news.”
 
“I’ll have everything prepared for you. Don’t worry about a thing.” Then the
emerald eyes narrowed just a fraction as he leaned down to be eye level with
the boy. He gripped Ciel’s jaw between his index finger and thumb, tilting his
head side to side. “Hmm… I could’ve sworn I noticed you’d lost some weight, but
now that I’m up close, you’ve actually gained a few ounces. You might want to
fix that.”
 
Ciel’s smile disappeared for good, eyebrows falling as well. He recoiled from
the man’s touch, nodding his head. I know.
 
Grell walked off, leaving Ciel to his thoughts. He pulled his phone from a
handbag he had stashed on the side of the stage, digging through a folder on
it. The folder itself was filled with miscellaneous things he never touched:
Google documents, a language app - he had been learning French at one point in
time, but the app had laid there forgotten, his email, and other random things
he didn't care for. He wasn't looking for any of those things, though. He
clicked on a calorie counter.
 
283, he read, and a groan escaped his lips. He reached for the black coffee
beside his bag, his favorite roast from Starbucks which was only five calories
per twenty ounces touching his tongue as he tipped back. The taste was bitter
and cold, but it felt so good in his empty stomach.
 
His eyes flitted back over the food table, and his feet pushed him toward it.
Just as he was about to grab hold of a piece of chicken, he flinched back. Four
more pounds, he screamed inside his head.
 
He grabbed a celery stick instead.
 
***
 
Sebastian rubbed both hands along his face, garnet eyes down on the concrete as
he lazily trudged his way into work. He peeked up at the amount of people in
the shitty, little diner as the ding of his arrival made a few heads spin in
his direction. Luckily there was only a handful of people actually dining in
the restaurant.
 
“Sebastian!” called one of the servers, a bubbly girl by the name of Mey-Rin,
from behind the bar of the restaurant. “You’re late today.”
 
“Long night,” he replied as he made his way back toward the kitchen with a wave
to the other cook on duty, a blonde man named Baldroy.
 
“Yeah, long night sticking it to a prostitute,” Bard snickered, earning an eye
roll from Mey. “You know I’m just fucking with you, man.”
 
Sebastian chuckled and shook his head, and his elbow made its way into Bard’s
right side. “Shut up.” He slung an apron over his neck, tying it easily around
his slim waist. He checked a ticket in the window and immediately found the
eggs next to the stove and cracked three open into a pan.
 
“So what was so long about it?” Mey asked as she stood awaiting her order next
to the window separating the dining room from the kitchen. “Prostitute? Drugs?”
 
“Why do you guys think I would ever hire a  prostitute?” said the raven-haired
male with a laugh.
 
“You’re right, Sebastian, there ain’t no male prostitutes ‘round these parts,”
Bard replied with a snicker, voice thick with a Southern accent. He placed a
few pancakes onto a plate, handing the cakes and an empty saucer to the object
of their teasing.
 
Sebastian took the plates with a scoff, “Haha, very funny.” He slid the eggs
from the pan he had been using and put the saucer in the window, along with the
pancakes. “I wouldn’t order a hooker --male or otherwise-- ever.” He sniffled,
tugging one of his sleeves further down his arm as it was riding up.
 
“Yeah, sure,” Mey said as she took the food from the window and turned to
serve.
 
“Are we talking about prostitutes again?” asked another server, a blonde little
thing by the name of Finnian, as he bounced up to the window. “Hiya, Mister
Sebastian!” he said with a grin and a little wave of his hand in the man’s
direction.
 
“Hey, Finny,” Sebastian replied, garnet eyes not meeting blue as he flashed
them over to the boy’s face. “Yeah, prostitutes again, what else would we talk
about?”
 
“How about my sex life for a change?” suggested Bard with a holler of laughter.
 
“No one wants to hear about the nasty things you do to me,” Mey retorted as she
joined Finny in the window.
 
Sebastian shuddered dramatically, earning a hearty laugh from both Finny and
Mey. Bard scowled at his girlfriend. “That’s not what I expected you would say
after last night”, he said, a smirk twitching at one corner of his lips. Bard
put a pleasured expression on his face and began to mimic a female voice, “Give
it to me harder! Oh, that’s so good!”
 
Mey’s cheeks heated beautifully and she wadded up a piece of paper, throwing it
and smacking Bard between the eyes. “Shut your whore mouth!” she hissed with
another fit of laughter.
 
Sebastian sniffled again, eyes bouncing from person to person with a smile on
his face.
 
This was the life.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Notes
     Thanks again to my wonderful betas - krystal_phenonix, weeny, and
     enigma! Also thank you for everyone who left kudos!
     Please follow me on tumblr and talk to me about this! You can find me
     at addictiontofiction13.tumblr.com
     Also give me comments and kudos? Because you love the story?
Winters were bleak in Chicago, Illinois, but Ciel had money on his side for his
least favorite season. He wore an oversized, black knit sweater, one from the
Lander’s Winter line of 2017, black leggings that clung to his tiny calves and
thighs to accent the gap he showed off with pride, and a cute, black beanie
covered most of his slate-colored hair.
 
He had just walked out of Starbucks with his favorite five calorie roast, one
he would be nursing for the majority of the day. His fingers trembled as he
raised it to his lips, a hiss escaping his mouth as the first drop burned his
tongue.
 
Puffs of breath came from his mouth as he dragged his feet across the pavement.
It was getting colder, he noted, shivering in his sweater. Why hadn’t he
decided to wear a coat? Or gloves for that matter? The sound of snapping across
the street made him remember why. His eyes met the camera and he instantly
turned away. There wasn’t a place he could go without cameras following him.
Why couldn’t they just leave him alone?!
 
“Excuse me,” whispered someone as they bumped their way past him. The streets
were busy today, and Ciel had to be careful with how he was weaving in and out
of foot traffic. If he lost his coffee this early in the morning, he’d be so
upset.
 
The sleep was still in his eyes, and a yawn escaped his mouth. His feet were
still sluggishly scraping against the concrete, despite his fast pace to get
away from the paparazzi. He was so tired, as if he was waking from hibernation,
though he’d gone to bed at exactly ten the night before - like every night. He
was on a schedule.
 
Suddenly, the wind was knocked out of him. Everything happened in a blur, and
his chest was on fire. His hands reached behind him to minimize the impact of
the fall, but the palms of his hands were both injured and bleeding from the
pavement scraping them. His huge, blue eyes widened as he looked up to the
bewildered expression of a tall, dark man who hovered over him. The mouth of
the man was moving, but Ciel couldn’t hear a word he said. He was too focused
in on the burning of his chest, the hot coffee seeping through his six-hundred
dollar sweater and right onto his skin.
 
He blinked away the confusion as the stranger reached out a hand to help him
up. He gripped it, hissing in pain as his injured flesh met calloused fingers.
“Are you alright?” said the man, pulling him to his feet. Ciel looked down at
the Starbucks cup on the ground, coffee still spilling from the open lid now
crumpled on the concrete.
 
“Fine,” Ciel coughed around the lump forming in his throat.
 
The stranger took his hand back, ran it through tousled, pitch black hair as
garnet eyes looked over the shorter boy. Ciel couldn’t help feeling his stomach
tighten at the beauty before him. “Are you sure you’re fine?” asked the man,
taking note of the crumpled up paper cup on the ground. “I spilled your coffee,
didn’t I?” Ciel peeked up at the guy’s face at the tone of his voice, seeing
shock on his features.
 
“Yeah, but I’m fine, really.” Ciel smiled brightly at the man, hearing snaps
behind his head of cameras that he had been trying to escape. “It was a
pleasure meeting you, mister…?” He had begun to back away, his eyes still
locked on that beautiful face.
 
Before the stranger could answer, snow began to fall above and between them.
The cold wetness played with the concerned lines of the man’s forehead, landed
on his nose and lips. Flakes littered Ciel’s eyelashes, and he blinked them
away.
 
“Sebastian,” he said, garnet orbs wide with wonder. This boy looked so frail,
so gentle. “Please, let me buy you another coffee,” he heard himself telling
the teen.
 
Sebastian , Ciel repeated in his head over and over again. The name fit him so
well. “Sure,” he replied, unsure as to why. Sebastian didn’t look like he had
the three dollars to spare, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t ready to leave this
man’s presence, something about him seeming damn near intriguing.
 
They made their way back to the Starbucks Ciel had just come from, standing a
foot apart from each other. “I truly am sorry,” Sebastian would mutter every
few seconds, and every time Ciel would hush his apology. It didn’t matter to
him. He was just trying his hardest to get away from the flashing of cameras
and tabloids of his everyday life. He could see the headlines now:  Local Man
Buys Fashion Icon Ciel Phantomhive a Coffee after Ruining $600 Sweater . It
made him shudder.
 
“Are you cold?” Sebastian asked as he opened the door for the teen. Before Ciel
could even reply, the man took off his leather jacket and wrapped it around his
shoulders. It stunned the boy, and it clearly showed on his face. Sebastian had
only a wife beater underneath the leather coat, and without thought, Ciel
inclined his head to his own shoulder and sniffed. It was faux, which wasn’t a
surprise, but it smelled of cinnamon and a cologne Ciel couldn’t place. It was
heavenly.
 
“Thank you,” he replied sheepishly, wrapping the thin thing around his body
tightly. He snuggled into it as they stepped up the counter.
 
“Can I get a large Veranda, please,” Sebastian stated to the woman at the
register. He looked down to the teenager who stood a bit taller, lifting his
chin to appear larger than he actually was. “And two slices of banana bread.”
He nodded to himself, this kid needed to eat more. “And for you?”
 
“Venti Sumatra.”
 
Sebastian pulled his wallet from the back pocket of his worn, faded, and ripped
jeans. Ciel took note that the man clearly needed some new clothes, but
subconsciously buried his nose further into the old leather jacket to smell
Sebastian’s scent even more. Sebastian pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill
and handed it to the cashier. “Name for the order?” The woman asked politely.
 
“Sebastian.” He replied. She took the money and gave him his change. Sebastian
turned, “Would you like to sit or…?” his mouth fumbled for words when he looked
down to the slate-haired boy.
 
“I don’t have anywhere to go,” Ciel replied, a small smile playing at his lips
from the question. He looked around and saw a booth in a secluded area of he
store. He tilted his head in that direction and raised petite eyebrows at the
taller man. Sebastian nodded and they walked right over to it, sitting down
across from one another.
 
Sebastian played with his fingers, garnet eyes down on them. He had no idea how
to start any sort of conversation with the boy, then he realize something… he
hadn’t even asked his name yet. And so he did. “You know my name, what’s
yours?”
 
Ciel had been staring around the store, noticing that no one had bothered to
look in his direction, much to his delight. When he was asked the question, his
mind went blank and he snapped his head back to the handsome features of the
man’s face. “You don’t know who I am?” he asked, completely awestruck.
 
Sebastian’s eyebrows creased together, eyes going wide. “Should I?” he
responded, tilting his head in mild confusion.
 
‘I’m Ciel,” he said, shaking his head. It was delightfully refreshing, hearing
this creature - this handsome, good-smelling, overly-apologetic man - didn’t
know who the fuck he was. He reached a delicately small hand out to Sebastian,
who took it and shook. Sebastian was careful, his grip barely what one would
even call a  grip , though his entire hand could have taken both of his own.
Another smile graced Ciel’s porcelain face, and Sebastian’s breath caught in
his throat. He averted his eyes, playing with his hands again.
 
So I’ll be taking the lead of the conversation, eh?  Ciel thought to himself.
He sighed, putting one of his hands on top of Sebastian’s. “Why are you so
nervous?” he asked, confusion now playing at his features. Sebastian took note
of the way his nose twitched, how only one side of his mouth curved down, and
his bright, azure eyes narrowed just barely, but still in a noticeable way.
 
“To be completely honest with you, I don’t know.” Sebastian’s cheeks tinted
just a slight pink, and an embarrassed smile plastered to his lips. Ciel licked
his own, then began to worry the lower one.  That smile isn’t fair , he thought
to himself. It was surprisingly attractive. “Tell me something about you,”
Sebastian rushed, wanting to see that bottom lip free of tension.
 
“Like what?” Ciel asked, taking his eyes off Sebastian to stop the feeling in
his stomach. He wouldn’t call it butterflies, more a family of bears trying to
get honey from a beehive.
 
Sebastian racked his brain for all of two seconds before blurting the first
question that came to his mind. “Favorite type of music?”
 
The teenager faltered. No one ever asked such mundane things, it was always
‘Ciel, who are you wearing?’ and ‘Ciel, how was working with  insert famous
designer name here ?,’ but his favorite music? Unheard of.  Where is that
coffee?  he wondered to himself. “I like a lot of artists, not any specific
genre,” he said after a few minutes of thought. “My personal favorites are
Rihanna and Miley Cyrus.” Sebastian’s nose scrunched up, and Ciel raised his
eyebrows. “What do you listen to?”
 
“ AC/DC , Kiss, older rock bands.” It was Ciel’s turn to show distaste.
 
“Sebastian!” called a man behind the counter. Sebastian ducked his head as he
scooted himself out of the booth to go grab their drinks. He asked once again
for his food once he got there, rolling his eyes at the guy as he pulled out
his receipt. Walking back to the table, he noticed Ciel’s feet didn’t even
reach the floor, except for the very tips of his stylish, ankle-high boots. It
was strikingly adorable. He set the drinks and food down, sitting back down
across from the teen.
 
“Where were we?” he asked, pushing the bread toward Ciel. Sebastian ripped off
a little chunk, popping it into his mouth. “Oh yeah,” he said as he chewed,
“you were about to diss my taste in music.”
 
Ciel eyed the bread, trying not to analyze the amount of calories in one bite.
He already knew, a full slice of Starbucks banana bread was 420 calories, and
that was more than double what he had allowed himself for the day, so he pushed
it instantly back toward the older man. “I’ve already eaten my breakfast this
morning,” he said, the lie coming off his tongue smoothly. “And yes, that I
was,” he chuckled. It was interesting, he thought, laughing with someone who
wasn’t his best friend - another model by the name of Alois.
 
Sebastian rolled his eyes, clearly not buying it and sliding a single piece of
bread back to Ciel. “You’re too thin, you should eat more than whatever it is
you call breakfast.”
 
Too thin , Ciel repeated in his head. It was like a dream, no one ever said
that about him. It was like Sebastian was one-hundred percent different than
everyone else he ever associated himself with. He was always too fat or not
thin enough.  What does  too thin even mean?  he wondered. “I’m fine,” he
replied, another lie rolling out of his mouth like honey. Though this one he
said so often even  he  believed it.
 
Sebastian sighed. “Yeah, okay,” he said, not believing a single word he said.
“So what’s your favorite color?”
 
Neither of them realized it, but they were there for most of the day.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Notes
     Thanks as always to my beautiful betas krystal_pheonix, weeny, and
     reallylongusername!
     Don't forget to leave a kudos if you enjoyed it and tell me what you
     thought!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
A week had passed since the day Sebastian met Ciel. They had spent the majority
of the day sitting in Starbucks, just learning small things about each other.
They’d easily exchanged phone numbers that day. Ciel was such an interesting
boy, and so cute. Sebastian fought with himself much over the last week,
especially after learning the boy’s age. He wasn’t too worried about it,
really, because their relationship was purely innocent - and non-existent, but
Ciel was fifteen. His birthday, however, was tomorrow. Sebastian had been
cooking pancakes and eggs all night thoughtlessly, his mind on the slate-haired
teenager and  what was he going to get him ?
 
After a bit of prying for the kid’s last name, Sebastian found him easily on
Google. He hadn’t even considered he would be the only Ciel in history to be
famous. It was such a unique name - quite fitting for the young man.
 
Sebastian peeked over at his phone, chewing his bottom lip as he flipped a few
pancakes over too soon.  Oops , he thought as Bard  tsked  next to him.
 
“Dude, put your phone away, yea?” said the blonde, turning back to the burgers
he was cooking.
 
“Don’t mess with him,” Mey said as she walked up to the window. “He’s too busy
thinking about  Ciel .” She giggled, putting her arms up on the window and
laying her chin on top of them.
 
“Am not!” Sebastian said, wiping at his nose with his sleeve. “Okay, maybe I
am.” His cheeks heated with a light blush and an embarrassed smile flitted
across his face. “I don’t know what to get him for his birthday.” Granted, he
only had about seventy-five dollars to his name, and he  had  planned on using
it for other things.
 
“Oh, you said he likes rabbits, right?” asked Finny as he came to stand beside
Mey. “There’s a store on the Northside that sells these adorable little bunnies
with eyepatches.”
 
Mey grinned, turning to look at Finny. “Oh, that’s perfect! I bet he’d love
that, yes he would!”
 
Sebastian thought for a moment, nodding slowly as he piled the pancakes onto a
plate and set them in front of Mey. His phone beeped and he swiped it off the
counter before Bard could even attempt to. He’d never wanted to password
protect his phone around his crew until he’d started talking to Ciel. They were
just too curious.
 
‘My aunt is throwing a huge party for me tomorrow. I hate my birthday, tbh’
 
Sebastian tilted his head, and he could just imagine Ciel with a frown on his
face as he typed this. His eyebrows creased, shoulders hunched up til the tops
almost brushed his soft jawline.
‘Why? What’s wrong with your birthday?’
 
He closed his phone, and shoved it into his pocket. He began to worry his lip,
sighing as he cracked three eggs onto the stove.  I hate my birthday ,
Sebastian thought. Ciel was too young to worry about age yet, so that couldn’t
be it. If anything,  he  should’ve. He would be twenty-eight next month. God,
twelve years older than Ciel, that was rough to think about.
 
Bard handed him a plate with hashbrowns and sausage on it. “So, a rabbit?” he
asked. “If I were you, I’d’ve gotten ‘im a ring. Swear your loyalty to ‘im.” A
crumpled up piece of paper smacked him in the temple and they both turned to
Mey as she arrived back at the window for the plate now in Sebastian’s hands.
 
“Says the man who hasn’t proposed after seven years, fucker!” she seethed,
making both Sebastian and Bard’s eyes widen.
 
“I’m lookin’ for the best ring, babe, I promise you,” Bard said, grabbing a
rolled up blunt from behind his ear and putting it to lips. “‘Ey, Sebastian,
the cameras off, right?” he asked, turning back to the man.
 
“Yeah, in the kitchen, anyways.” Sebastian put the eggs he’d been cooking onto
the plate and set it in the window next to where Finny had been standing. He’d
left several minutes ago to refill drinks.
 
“Oh, Sebastian, I’ve got a cash check. I need change.” Mey pulled a twenty
dollar bill out of her server’s book and set it in the window.
 
“What’s the total?” he asked, swiping the money as Bard lit his blunt. “Try to
keep the smell down, will you? Karen called me at six a.m. three days ago
complaining about it. She wants me to fire you.”
 
Bard scoffed. “Bitch can kiss my ass,” he said when he pulled the blunt out of
his mouth, his words slightly slurred from trying to hold as much air in as
possible. He exhaled just as Sebastian was turning away to walk to the office.
 
Mey came back into the kitchen, grabbing the weed from Bard as she followed
Sebastian. “Karen’s a cunt,” she muttered behind him as she took a drag.
Sebastian sat down, a sigh escaping his lips. He began to count out change for
Mey. “It was twelve eighty-two, to answer your question,” she said as she
exhaled, handing over the drug to her manager.
 
Sebastian took the blunt from her, putting it to his lips. He handed her back
eight dollars in all ones. “Tell them the eighty-two is on us. They’ll tip you
better.” He took a long drag, pulling his phone from his pocket and handing her
back the joint. She leaned down and kissed his cheek before waltzing off.
 
He let out his drag, and immediately inhaled a sharp breath of oxygen. He
coughed once - twice, then opened his phone.
 
‘I don’t wanna talk about it’
 
Ciel’s text perplexed him, so simple, so dismissive. He had replied ten minutes
ago, and Sebastian stared at the screen, unsure of how to reply. Just as he was
about to start typing, his phone beeped again.
 
‘So wanna come to this stupid party?’
 
His heart fluttered. He’d known Ciel for a week, and yet he invited him to
something so intimate? He didn’t understand, but he wouldn’t miss an
opportunity to be around him. And yet, all his stupid mind could come up with
to respond sounded either too excited or too standoffish.
 
‘I’d love to!’
 
Backspace.
 
‘I guess’
 
Backspace.
 
‘Sure.’
 
Send.
 
***
 
The stuffed bunny was called a Bitter Rabbit, and it had only cost him forty-
eight dollars. He was elated, he still had money for later. Sebastian had asked
the man at the store if they wrapped gifts, and they did! He had the rabbit put
into a cream and lapis striped box, with a beautifully intricate bow placed on
top. It was perfect. He was three blocks away from the address Ciel had given
him, and he was - he stopped to pull his phone out of his pocket to look at the
time - twenty-three minutes behind schedule. He’d have to run to the party if
he didn’t want to be late, but at the same time… maybe being late would be a
blessing?
 
He decided on a quick pace, unsure of what he would even say to the teenager
when he handed him his gift. It was a big deal to Sebastian - he never gave
gifts, never spent his money on anyone, but himself. Ciel was different, he had
the world in his tiny hands, and Sebastian only wanted to give him more. The
world wasn’t enough.
 
His phone began to ring in his hand, and without looking at the caller id,
Sebastian pressed the answer button and pulled it to his face. “Hello?” he
answered, expecting Ciel on the other end asking if he was still coming, as
he’d already done the same thing twice today.
 
“Sebastian! Oh thank god!” yelled a female on the other end of the phone. His
jaw instantly clenched and his teeth made an audible  clack  to the woman. “Are
you busy tonight?”
 
“Karen, there’s only one reason why you would be calling me on my night off,”
he ground out through his teeth.
 
“I am so sorry, Sebastian, but Glenn called me about ten minutes ago that he’s
got the flu and can’t make it in. Please, come in tonight. I’ll give you the
overtime, I swear, I’m just so desperate right now,” Karen begged, her breath
ragged like it was actually busy for a change.
 
“Fine. I’ll be there in about an hour. I need to go home and change,” Sebastian
growled, ignoring her thanks as he began to walk in the direction of his
apartment and ended the call.
 
***
 
Ciel picked at a loose thread on his overgrown sweatshirt, azure eyes on the
phone screen in front of him. He’d been scrolling his tumblr, skipping past
pictures of ‘thinspo’ and ‘ana tips’ and recipes. He hadn’t intended his
birthday to be this… excruciatingly frustrating. His aunt had gone all out on
decorations - everything in the color he hated most. Everyone here had to do
with work, everyone except his best friend, Alois, who… also had to do with
work?
 
Alois was a model, like Ciel, but they never worked together. They’d met at a
fashion expo in New York in the summer of 2015. Alois lived in Los Angeles,
Ciel lived in Chicago. They both had an eating disorder, but Alois wasn’t a fan
of starving himself like Ciel was.
 
Ciel raised his eyes as the boy came out of the bathroom attached to his
bedroom, wiping the side of his mouth with the back of his hand. “Man,” Alois
said as he threw himself down onto Ciel’s bed and stretched out beside him.
“I’ll tell you what, whoever your aunt catered for your birthday hella knows
how to roast chicken and cook steak.” He rubbed his belly and let out a
contented sigh.
 
Ciel rolled his eyes this time, rolling over onto his back as he continued to
scroll tumblr, reblogging a few pictures of wider thigh-gaps than his own. “I’m
glad you enjoyed it,” he said, turning to look at his best friend with a small
smile. “We should probably go rejoin the party, though I  really  don’t want
to.”
 
Alois nodded. He rolled back off the bed and jumped onto his feet. Just as Ciel
was about to get up with him, his cell phone began to ring. His favorite song
by Sia played through the room.  Thick skin and an elastic heart . He looked
down at the id, a wide grin spreading across his face. "Go on without me,” Ciel
told the blonde, shooing him out of the room.
 
Alois tilted his head, surprised he was being kicked out without being
explained to. “O...kay?” he replied. He walked out of the room, wondering who
exactly his best friend was about to talk with. It was unheard of for Ciel to
keep things from him, especially when those  things  had a hella good song as
their ringtone.
 
“Hey, Sebastian!” Ciel exclaimed as he answered the phone. He bounced back into
his pillows, a smile clear in his voice.
 
“Hey,” Sebastian responded, his voice deep and full of regret. Ciel’s smile
instantly disappeared; he hated his tone. “I just got called into work. I can’t
make your party.”
 
“Oh,” he breathed, a lump catching in his throat. “I-It’s okay.” He cursed
himself, his voice wavered which gave away his distaste.
 
“Ciel, I’m so sorry.”
 
“No, it’s fine,” he mumbled, “really. I understand.” He sucked his bottom lip
into his mouth, catching it between his teeth. “I gotta go. I’ll talk to you
later.” Before Sebastian could respond, he hung up. He dropped his phone and
sat up, his hands coming up to rub his face. He shouldn’t have invited
Sebastian, anyways, he knew that. It shouldn’t have been a big deal.
 
He joined Alois downstairs, and Angelina walked up to them with a giant grin on
her face - oblivious to what had happened upstairs, whether it be Sebastian’s
inability to make it or Alois expelling her hundred dollar meal from his body.
She hadn’t even noticed Ciel’s plate had gone untouched. “It’s almost time for
cake and presents!” she said in a sing-song voice. Ciel’s skin prickled.
 
“Cake?” he said warily, to which she just nodded. “I’m really still full from
dinner.”
 
“You don’t have to eat it, if you’re not hungry.” Angelina pat his head twice,
earning a glare from her nephew. “Alois, do you mind collecting everyone for
the cake?”
 
“Sure, Angie,” he said with a wink, earning a wince from Ciel’s aunt.
 
“Don’t call me that.” Angelina walked toward the living room, and Ciel followed
closely behind her with his fingers playing again at the loose thread on his
sweatshirt.
 
As soon as he reached the door, he stopped dead in his tracks. A giant cake sat
in the middle of the room - five layers of cake, with white and blue frosting
drawing intricate patterns around the outer edges. His mouth dropped in shock
and his mind instantly began screaming at him.  16,500 calories for vanilla,
24,550 calories for chocolate 16,500 calories for vanilla, 24,550 calories for
chocolate. 16,500 calories for vanilla, 24,550 calories for chocolate. 16,500
calories for vanilla, 24,550 calories for chocolate. 16,500 calories for
vanilla, 24,550 calories for chocolate. 16,500 calories for vanilla, 24,550
calories for chocolate. 491 calories a slice of chocolate. 330 calories a slice
of vanilla.
 
He didn’t know what to do, just stood there with his head screaming. His mind
instantly played pictures of the thinspo he’d just been scanning. Then his own
body - thighs that touched, big puffs of fatty cells clinging to his stomach
and arms and neck, his jawline filled out, three chins, calves so large his
favorite boots no longer fitting him, spending twenty minutes to get a pair of
jeans to button.
 
NO! DON’T EAT, DON’T EAT, DON’T EAT, DON’T EAT, DON’T EAT!!!!!
 
His stomach lurched, his mouth went dry, his hands balled into fists. And his
feet forced him to turn around and storm to the kitchen. He ripped a glass out
of the cupboard and filled it to the brim with water. He threw it back faster
than he ever had before, chugging it down. He refilled it twice before he
returned to the living room. He plastered on a smile and looked directly at his
aunt as people began to flood the room. “I love it!” he said.  I hate it.  “It
looks so delicious!”  It looks like a death threat.
 
They sang Happy Birthday, and everyone got a piece of cake. Everyone except the
birthday boy, who didn’t want to celebrate in the first place. Grell watched
him, made sure he was sticking to a good diet despite his special day. Angelina
socialized with a champagne glass in her hand. Alois gorged himself on three
slices - and escaped to Ciel’s bedroom after every piece. And Ciel lounged by
the window the entire time, thinking.
 
It’s not a good day without you here, Mother… Father… Brother…
 
***
 
Sebastian sighed, blowing smoke out of his nose from a cigarette he’d been
enjoying. A yawn fell from his lips. Work had been hell, but thankfully he was
about to go home - early. He’d missed Ciel’s party, and the boy had been
ignoring his texts all night. It was now two-thirty and he was sure the teen
had gone to bed, but he couldn’t help texting him one more time.
 
His fingers pressed the keys sloppily, something that came from tiredness and
the feeling of uneasiness he was currently experiencing.
 
‘I know you’re mad at me, but good night. Sweet dreams.’
 
He hit send, hands trembling. He pulled the cigarette from his mouth after
taking another long drag. He rubbed his face with one hand, tossing the
cigarette onto the ground and stomping it out with his shoe. He couldn’t
believe this shit, his stupid fucking boss calling him in like this.
 
He walked back inside, shut and locked the manager’s office and waved to one of
the cooks still in the building. Bard, Mey, and Finny weren’t working tonight -
all four of them had the end of the week off together. It had started
coincidentally, but after Sebastian and Mey had gotten their jobs at the diner,
Finny and Bard had followed.
 
“I’m out,” he called to the cook. The woman - he couldn’t remember her name,
Devin or Danielle, something with a D - nodded and he ducked his way out of the
kitchen. He waved goodbye to the one server and clocked himself out. He walked
around the bar and turned to his left to make his way out of the diner to begin
his short trek back to his apartment.
 
“Sebastian!” His head snapped up, closing in on grey-blue hair in one corner of
the room across from the bathrooms, in a secluded booth. A wide grin spread
across Ciel’s face as their eyes locked, and it took everything in him to not
stand up and rush to Sebastian’s side. It was the same for Sebastian, though.
 
“Ciel?” he said, clearly confused as he walked toward him. “What are you doing
here?”
 
“I wanted coffee,” replied the teen as if it was normal for him to come to the
Southside at almost three in the morning. This side of town was known for gun
fights and drugs, and Ciel knew this. He smiled, and Sebastian’s breath caught
in his throat.
 
“Happy late Birthday,” he said as he slid into the booth across from him.
Ciel’s smile disappeared almost instantly, which made Sebastian remember their
texts earlier. “Why don’t you like your birthday?”
 
Ciel drew in a breath. “It’s a long story,” he whispered, gaze lowering to the
steaming cup of black liquid in front of him.  2 calories per eight ounces .
 
Sebastian reached a hand across the table, pressed two fingers to Ciel’s chin
and lifted his face until their eyes met. Ciel noted his eyes were the color he
hated most - suddenly the color he loved with all his heart. “I’ve got time,”
Sebastian assured him.
 
Ciel’s throat closed up and tears pricked at his eyes. His voice cracked with a
sorrowful squeak. “Okay.”
Chapter End Notes
     Follow me on tumblr for some drabbles/talks about my new aus/etc
     @addictiontofiction13
     Also feel free to follow my sebaciel tumblr @additiontosebaciel13
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
“It’s a long story,” Ciel whispered, his sapphire eyes glued on the mug of
coffee in front of him. Sebastian longed to come across the table that
separated them, but instead he lifted the boys chin with his hand and forced
their eyes to lock.
 
“I’ve got time,” he replied, and a small smile twitched at the corners of his
mouth. Tears began to well up in Ciel’s eyes, and Sebastian’s breath escaped
him. The teenager was beautiful, even more so when he was crying, but the man
never wanted to see him cry again.
 
Ciel took in a shaky breath, his shoulders heaving. “Okay,” he squeaked out,
his voice cracking. “When I was younger, I didn’t live with my aunt like I do
now… My parents were wonderful people, and I loved them with everything in me.”
Ciel lowered his eyes again, circling the rim of his cup with a slender digit.
 
“What happened to them?” Sebastian was scared to ask, knowing it was something
bad. Was it worse than his own mother’s death? He hoped it wasn’t, Ciel didn’t
deserve something that intensely disturbing.
 
“I’d gone home directly after school that day - it was our birthday… And he’d
insisted on going to his ballet class,” Ciel mumbled, the tears slowly falling
down his face. His eyes were glazed over and while he was speaking, his mind
was elsewhere. “Mom didn’t allow me to do ballet like him, I was always sick as
a child. She told me she and dad would be going to pick him up…” His sentence
trailed off, and he took a giant breath before continuing. “They…” He was
shaking, and his breath was coming in pants, his cheeks flushed. “They were
about to pull into the driveway. I remember hearing my dad’s car from down the
street, and I got up onto the couch to watch as they pulled in, and it all
happened so fast…” He shook his head, putting his face in his hands as he
cried.
 
“What happened?” Sebastian whispered, his arms crossing against his chest and
his eyes wide with anguish as Ciel raised his face to lock their eyes together.
Ciel didn’t deserve this.
 
The teen took in a shuddering breath. “A drunk driver… There was ice all over
the place, and I can remember the squealing of tires… My dad’s car was hit head
on, and the bastard driver actually walked nearly unsca-” The words stopped and
Ciel hiccupped a sob, one hand flying to his lips to stifle his cries.
 
Sebastian could see it in his head. The car crumpling with the speed and the
weight of the other, three people dead on impact, one a child. And Ciel - this
beautiful boy who deserved so much better than life had thrown at him - had
seen everything, and he could picture him crying, sobbing like he was now. “I’m
so sorry, Ciel…”
 
“It was snowing,” the teen recalled, meeting Sebastian’s gaze with his eyes red
and puffy from the tears that wouldn’t stop. “If he had just come home with me,
none of this would’ve happened.” His tone was sharp and accusatory.
 
“You had a brother,” was all Sebastian could say. Words were failing him. He
didn’t know what he could do to make this Adonis before him stop crying, to
make him know everything would be okay, that he’d protect him.
 
“He was my twin.” Ciel shifted in his seat, pulled one leg up to bump his knee
to his chest. He laid his forehead on his knee, eyes squeezing shut as he
continued to cry. “People used to say they couldn’t tell us apart.” He sighed.
 
“I doubt that’s true,” Sebastian found himself replying. “I’d be able to pick
you from a crowd.” Ciel raised his face, tilting his head. His lips were
pursed, swollen; his eyes had darkened from the beautiful shade of blue
Sebastian had grown accustomed to, a certain fire behind them. “You’re one in a
billion, Ciel.”
 
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” the teen responded, turning his face to
gaze out the window. “It’s snowing.” His tone was monotone, glum. The snow
reminded him of his parents, his lost brother.
 
“It’s beautiful,” Sebastian said, his eyes never wavering from high cheekbones
and a sharp jawline.
 
“Maybe it is,” the teen found himself saying. Ciel turned back to him and
smiled, puffy eyes crinkling. “Would you like to go for a walk?”
 
***
 
Ciel was glowing,thought Sebastian as he watched the teen’s feet kick at flakes
of snow that stuck to the sidewalks. His nose was a light cherry pink, bitten
by the cold, and his usually pale cheeks were a similar rose hue. Puffs of
breath and carbon monoxide escaped his mouth in spiraling waves. He drew the
cigarette up to his lips, coughed a little when he took it away again and
exhaled. He hadn’t looked like a smoker, but Sebastian wasn’t one to question
him when he’d asked to borrow one. “What are your parents like?” Ciel asked as
he spun around to face him.
 
They had stopped in front of an old, worn down building that probably housed at
least a dozen homeless people. The moon was catching Ciel’s hair in such a way
it took Sebastian’s breath away, and despite the depressing question - that
sliced a knife through his heart - he smiled. “They're dead,” he responded, his
eyes sad and his bleeding heart clenching.
 
Ciel gasped, head rolling forward. His slate-colored hair, shining in the pale
light of the night, fell in front of his eyes to hide his expression. “I'm
sorry,” he whispered. He peeked up through insanely long eyelashes, azure
meeting wine.
 
“Don’t be,” he replied, leaning down to clearly see the stunning blue of his
eyes. “It happened about ten years ago. I’ve moved on.”
 
“Ten years ago. That actually reminds me.” Ciel stood up straight, their faces
closer than they ever had been before. It took everything in Sebastian to not
slink back in surprise, feeling Ciel’s hot breath puff onto his cheeks. “How
old are you, Sebastian?”
 
He cringed, finally moving away from the teenager. “I’ll be twenty-eight next
month.” He ran a hand through his pitch hair, eyes on the sky that dropped
white flecks of cold onto his cheeks, whereupon Ciel’s breath had just been.
 
Ciel surprised him. “Cool,” was all he said, and their eyes met again. Ciel was
wearing a smile, as if age didn’t matter to him. Age was just a number. It
filled Sebastian with relief, a thousand ton weight lifted off his shoulders.
Ciel extended a hand toward Sebastian with that same, beautiful smile plastered
on his face. “Come on.”
 
Sebastian placed his hand in Ciel’s, interlacing their fingers together.
 
Maybe age really didn’t matter.
 
***
 
“So this is your apartment complex?” Ciel asked, eyeing the structure with
quiet concern. “It’s… wonderful.” He smiled at Sebastian, his distaste clear on
his features.
 
Sebastian chuckled, shaking his head. “It’s really not as bad as it looks.
Really cheap is all. I’m sure it’s shit compared to your mansion.” The comment
made Ciel’s cheeks and ears turn red with embarrassment instead of cold.
 
He squeezed Sebastian’s fingers and the older man escorted him up two flights
of stairs. They stopped in front of a door colored an ugly shade of green, worn
down with flecks of color missing to reveal a white undertone. A large P4 was
marked in gold to indicate which apartment it was. Sebastian pulled a key from
his pocket, unlocked the door, and let it swing open. “Ladies first,” he joked,
earning a glare from the teen.
 
Ciel released their hands, pushed past him into the room. Sebastian flipped a
switch, making the room flood with light. The first thing that Ciel noticed
about Sebastian’s apartment was that it was clean, you could literally eat off
the floor. There wasn’t a speck of dirt in sight. A book laid lazily on the arm
of the torn, faded blue sofa - the book, itself, looked tired and well-loved.
There was a television on the opposite side of the room, an outdated television
at that. Ciel hadn’t seen one of those since he was a child.
 
Ciel walked further into the house, eyes scanning the area. He took note of the
kitchen table, visible from the entrance to the kitchen. A short hallway led
off to the right. Two doors were on opposite sides of the hallway, one open and
one shut. The open one led to a bathroom, and Ciel peeked inside. It was
boring, but he took note that Sebastian liked to use Old Spice - one of his
least favorites, but Sebastian smelled so  good .
 
“Is this your bedroom?” he called over his shoulder to Sebastian, who had
walked into the kitchen.
 
“Yeah. Feel free to go in. Do you want a snack?” replied the man’s disembodied
voice.
 
Ciel turned the knob to the older’s bedroom, slowly pushing the door open. “No,
thanks!”
 
He flipped the light on, chuckling to himself as he took in the scene. This
room wasn’t clean at all. Dirty clothes flooded the floor, the bed unmade, but
what caught his attention was a sapphire and cream wrapped box, about the size
of his head, with a bow to match sitting on the bed.
 
He walked toward it, reaching out to caress the bow slowly. He recognized the
design, one from a toy shop not far from his house. It was on his route to the
same Starbucks they’d met at.
 
“I see you found your birthday present,” Sebastian said from behind him, making
the teen jump and spin around.
 
“My birthday present?” Ciel asked in confusion, looking back at the box. “You
really didn’t have to get me anything.”  In fact , he thought,  I’d rather no
one did.
 
Sebastian strode toward him, plucking the box from the bed and thrusting it
into his hands. The man’s cheeks were tinting darker by the second, and that
same smile - that embarrassed smile, the smile that Ciel loved - played on his
lips. “I did have to,” was all he could think of to say.
 
Ciel looked down at the box and pulled the top off, gasping when he saw the
stuffed rabbit inside. The store had been showcasing these for months, but he’d
never actually stopped to get one. Rabbits were his favorite animal, he’d told
Sebastian this the day they’d met. “You remembered my favorite animal?” he
asked, pulling the thing out. It’s fur was the color of ash, and it had a black
eyepatch over it’s right eye. “Sebastian, I love it.” He hugged the rabbit
close to his chest, a smile on his lips.
 
Their eyes met, and Sebastian grinned. A true grin. A happy grin. “I’m glad you
like it.”
 
Ciel knew he was talking about the rabbit, he really did, but instead… all he
could think was,  I’m glad I like you.
Chapter End Notes
     Special thanks for my wonderful betas, as always!
     Please spam that kudos button and let me know what your favorite
     scene was.
     Feel free to bother me on tumblr at addictiontofiction13.tumblr.com
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Christmas wasn’t the same as it used to be. Ciel could vividly remember being
woken by his brother every year, too early in the morning. They didn’t believe
in Santa Claus anymore, but they still woke up early. They’d run into their
parents room, jump on the bed. Mom would groan and roll over, mumble something
about sleeping in. Dad would bounce right up, pick up Ciel and then nudge their
mother.
 
“Come on, honey, the boys are excited. It’s Christmas, after all!”  he
remembered his father saying.
 
“Vincent, it’s six in the morning. The boys can wait.”  And Vincent would
laugh, stand up with Ciel cradled in one arm, and open his other for his
brother. They’d all run downstairs, and make breakfast - forgetting the
presents under the tree. And Rachel would come down later, as they were just
finishing up. They made homemade biscuits and gravy every year, as it was
Rachel’s favorite.
 
And that’s exactly how Ciel was woken up this year. Angelina jumped onto his
bed, a wide grin across her lips. “Good morning, Ciel!” she squealed, shaking
one of his shoulders. “It’s Christmas! Time to wake up! I made breakfast!”
 
Ciel opened his eyes, blinking the sleep away. He sat up slightly, groaning.
“It’s too early,” he mumbled, eyeing the clock on the table beside his bed. It
read six twenty-three.
 
“You’ve got presents and biscuits and gravy, now come on. Up you go!” Angelina
bounced off the mattress, grabbing her nephew’s hand and pulling him straight
out of bed.
 
Ciel went unwillingly, one hand balled up into a fist to rub at one eye
sleepily. They walked downstairs, to the kitchen, and Ciel went immediately to
the fridge. He opened the freezer and pulled out a bag of coffee grounds. He
usually kept his favorite dark roast from Starbucks in a bag for days like
today when the business was closed. He scooped out two, measured tablespoons
and threw it into the coffee maker.
 
“How many biscuits would you like?” Angelina asked as she piled three onto a
plate for herself.
 
He turned to her, leaning up against the counter in front of the coffee
machine. “One, please,” he said, a small smile on his face.  104 per biscuit,
no gravy as it’s way too many calories.  He shuddered, didn’t even want to
think about it.  So adding on 5 calories for my twenty ounces of coffee -
black, I’ll be at 109 calories for the day. Perfect.  He nodded to himself. He
would be full all day.
 
Angelina handed him a plate with a single biscuit on it. “Grell’s Christmas
present for you arrived this morning. We’ll have to pay someone to put it
together, but I’m sure you’ll love it.” She had moved around the counter to sit
at the barstool at the kitchen island, pulling a cup of milk to her lips.
 
“What did he get me?” he seethed, turning back to the coffee maker and rolling
his eyes where she couldn’t see.
 
“I’ll let you see that for yourself,” she laughed, “but there was a note.” She
slid a piece of paper across the island, and Ciel moved around the counter to
grab at it before returning to his coffee.
 
Ciel,  read the note , I hope this treadmill helps with your workouts. You’ve
told me you don’t like to run when it’s snowing. Stay warm! - Grell Sutcliff
 
He stared at the words in disgust, and balled the paper in his fist. He tossed
it behind his shoulder, hearing it land on the island. “Tell him I said thank
you,” he said curtly, reaching up for the cupboards and pulling a large mug
from them. He poured himself a cup of coffee, turning back to Angelina and
giving her a small, tight smile.
 
“I’m sure he had good intentions, honey,” she replied, her copper eyes wide
with confusion. He ignored her, grabbing his plate and walking out of the room.
 
“I’ll be upstairs,” he called over his shoulder.
 
“Ciel, wait!” she yelled after him. “Don’t go sulk in your room, it’s
Christmas!”
 
He stomped up the stairs and straight into his room, tossing the plate on a
dresser to be forgotten.  Fuck Christmas , he thought with a growl. He’d
starve, biscuits, gravy, and traditions be damned. Eating biscuits and and his
mom’s homemade gravy wouldn’t bring his parents back, wouldn’t make his brother
magically appear at his side.
 
He pulled a box out from under his bed, opening it up and pulling paints, oils
and brushes out to set on to the mattress. A canvas was near the window, stark
white and empty, waiting to be loved. He splattered black on it, damaging it in
a blind fury - throwing his hatred and loss on the page.
 
***
 
Sebastian awoke the same as he’d fallen asleep. His bedside lamp was still on,
and his favorite book was beside him - pages dog-eared and yellow with age. His
blankets had been thrown to the ground, a thin sheet still clung slightly to
his frozen feet. He sat up lazily, and ran a hand through his hair as a yawn
escaped his lips. He shut off the light, placed the book on the table beside
it, and threw his legs over the edge of the bed.
 
He found a sweatshirt on the ground, sniffed it twice, and decided it was
wearable. He walked out to the hallway, looking at the thermostat with narrowed
eyes. It read twenty-seven degrees, and he groaned. “Fuck!”
 
He ran back into the bedroom, pulling on his sneakers and swiping up his wallet
and keys. As soon as he made it out of the apartment, he noticed Mey and Bard
were one floor down, sitting on the edge of the landing, smoking cigarettes and
bundled up to stay warm. “Morning!” he called down to them.
 
“Mornin’!” Bard said back, leaning further over the edge to smile up at him.
“Your heat off, too?” he asked.
 
“Yeah,” Sebastian responded. “Did you guys pay? I didn’t.”
 
Mey sighed. “Yeah, we did. Tanaka sure is an asshole for turning ours off.” She
tossed her cigarette on to the ground, magenta eyes watching it sizzle and go
out in the snow below them. “I mean it’s Christmas, for fuck’s sake. Man’s got
some sense of humor.”
 
Sebastian ran down the stairs, to the first floor, and banged on the office
door. “Tanaka! It’s Sebastian!” he yelled at the door, knowing full well the
old man would be in his apartment.
 
After two more rough bangs, the door slowly came open. The old, Japanese man
stood at the entrance at his full height, a few inches shorter than Sebastian.
“Sebastian, always a pleasure. What can I help you with?” he asked.
 
“A pleasure?” he scoffed. “Turn our heat back on, at least Mey’s, she paid this
month,” Sebastian said flatly.
 
“Listen, kid, everyone’s heat has been turned off, not just you two. Too many
people this month didn’t pay, including you, so the entire complex is off. It’s
out of my hands.” Tanaka bowed his head and closed the door before Sebastian
could say something he would regret.
 
Sebastian’s eyes blazed scarlet and he turned his chin up to lock eyes with his
co-workers. Finny had joined them from his own apartment, right beside Mey and
Bard’s. They all three looked at him with narrowed eyes, having heard exactly
what had gone down.
 
“Bastard!” Bard suddenly shouted.
 
Finny was the next to call down to him. “He’s out of his mind!”
 
“I say we shoot him!” Mey laughed, and Sebastian laughed, too.
 
He joined them up on the landing, taking a cigarette Mey offered him. He lit
it, inhaling deep and releasing the smoke through his nose. “Not like we had
anywhere to go today, right, guys? Christmas is still on.”
 
“Yes! I’ve got presents!” Finny said happily. “Bard, yours is last.”
 
Bard whined. “That’s fuckin’ rude. I went last last year. Make ‘im go last,” he
said, referring to Sebastian.
 
Mey nudged Sebastian’s arm. “Is Ciel coming?” she asked, and they all three
instantly had their eyes on him.
 
“No, I haven’t really seen him since his birthday.” Sebastian’s face fell and
he wrapped his arms around his chest for warmth. He pulled his phone out of his
pocket and clicked on the Instagram icon.
 
A new picture had actually been posted by Ciel that morning, several hours
earlier. It was a picture of him grinning wide, one arm wrapped around the
Bitter Rabbit Sebastian had bought him, and his other hand giving a peace sign.
 
#MerryXmas from me and my favorite bunny! #LifeOfPhantomhive
 
The last picture before that had been of Ciel and another model - a blonde with
blue eyes, their arms around each others necks and champagne flutes in their
hands. It had been posted on his birthday.
 
@prettyboi_trancy wishing me a HBD bitches! #sweetsixteen #LifeOfPhantomhive
 
Sebastian couldn’t help smiling at the pictures. Ciel was breathtaking, even in
photography. It was his job, sure, but he’d seen his modeling pictures on
Google, and he had to admit his favorites were those adorable selfies he shared
with Instagram. They were different, less serene, more  Ciel .
 
“Earth to Sebastian,” Bard said, slapping the man’s shoulder. “You comin’
inside?”
 
Sebastian looked up from his phone, garnet eyes wide. “What? Oh, yeah, I’ll be
in in a few,” he said, taking another drag of his cigarette. As soon as the
three had left him for Finny’s apartment, he swiped away the app and called
Ciel. He raised the phone to his ear, waiting patiently for the boy to answer.
 
“Hey, you’ve reached Ciel Phantomhive. Leave a message!” the teen’s bubbly
voice said into the receiver.
 
Sebastian’s face fell, but he shrugged. He knew Ciel was probably busy today.
“Hey, Ciel, it’s Sebastian. Wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas.” He lowered
the phone and hit end.
Chapter End Notes
     Thank you to my wonderful betas for getting this finished as quickly
     as it was!
     Follow me on tumblr and bug me about my fics, okay? I love you guys
     <3
     Also if you don't mind, give me a kudos and a comment! Thank you so
     much for reading, and I hope you continue to enjoy reading as much as
     I'm enjoying writing!
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
“Happy New Year!” shouted the entirety of the diner, making Sebastian jump. Was
it midnight already? He checked his phone, and sure enough, it read twelve AM,
January first, two thousand eighteen. He put the cell down on the desk in front
of him, and ran his hands through his hair.
 
‘Happy New Years, Sebastian :*’ Ciel had sent him twenty minutes ago.
 
He’d posted a picture on Instagram around the same time. Blowing a kiss to the
camera, one eye closed in a wink, in front of the ball at Times Square. Ciel
had money to travel at random, whereas Sebastian was stuck working the holiday.
 
Happy New Years! #TimeSquaresTheBomb #LifeOfPhantomhive
 
He swiped his phone off the desk and walked out to the kitchen. Bard was
handing a plate to Finny as he arrived. “Happy New Year,” Bard said, holding a
lit cigarette in between his lips.
 
“Yeah, Happy New Year, man,” Sebastian responded with a small smile. He eyed a
slip of paper, indicating a new order being placed. “What do you still need?”
 
“Two eggs, sunny side,” Bard replied, tossing a bowl of onion rings and french
fries into the window. “Finny!” he shouted.
 
Sebastian cracked two eggs onto the stove with Bard at his back. “Should I text
Ciel back?” he asked the blonde offhandedly.
 
“Why wouldn’t you? Kid’s a piece. I'd've tapped that by now,” was Bard’s
response, and Sebastian shot him a glare. “What? Just sayin. ‘e’s fine, and I
don’t even swing that way.”
 
Mey appeared in the window. “What are we talking about?” she asked, smiling at
Sebastian.
 
“‘ow much I love ya,” Bard said, giving her a kissy face.
 
Mey rolled her eyes at him, putting her hands on her hips. “So Ciel?” she
responded, nodding her head.
 
Bard crumpled one of their old order papers and threw it at her. It smacked her
in the forehead. “Why don’t you believe me when I say we’re talkin’ about you?”
 
“Because you never talk about me, you fuck!” she replied, crossing her arms
across her chest.
 
“But I could!”
 
“But you don’t!”
 
Sebastian blushed, having practically started this fight between the two of
them. He slid the eggs onto a saucer with two slices of bacon and two pieces of
white toast, handing it up to the window. Mey snatched it out of his hand, her
cheeks turning a dark red with anger. Bard glared after her as she turned on
her heel and stormed off.
 
“Bitch,” he growled. “She doesn’t deserve a damn ring when she gets like this.”
 
Sebastian’s eyes widened and he looked over to see the blonde fuming. “Don’t
talk like that. You know you love her.” He patted the man on the shoulder.
 
“Yeah, you’re right. Kinda shit that we were all workin’ tonight. I actually
‘ad somethin’ planned for once.” Bard chuckled, reaching deep into his pocket.
He pulled out a velvet box and opened it for Sebastian to see. Inside was a
small engagement band with three square diamonds framing the top. “Think she’ll
like it?”
 
Sebastian gasped at the sight of the ring, his eyes instantly darting up to
Bard’s face. “You’ll never know unless you go out there and propose to her,
dude,” he said, grabbing the cook’s arm and pushing him toward the kitchen
door.
 
“Right now?!” Bard shouted, shaking his head back and forth. “No way! I’m not
ready! What the fuck would I even say?”
 
“Speak from your heart, shithead!” Sebastian shoved him out the door, following
him closely behind. He watched as Bard stepped out from behind the bar, walking
into the middle of the room to stand between two tables. He cleared his throat
just as Sebastian leaned against the bar and Finny joined by his side.
 
“What’s going on?” asked the small boy, looking up at Sebastian expectantly.
 
“Just watch,” was all the male responded.
 
Bard turned back to make eye contact with Sebastian, who flicked his hand at
him as if to say, “Go on. You can do it.” He turned, looking at Mey’s back and
cleared his throat once more. “Attention, everyone!” he shouted, and almost
everyone in the entire diner - which really wasn’t much, probably around twenty
to thirty people - turned to face him, including Mey. She held a confused
expression, her mouth open slightly.
 
“What are you doing?” she asked.
 
"So… uh… Mey, I uhm…hey,” His cheeks were pinking up, and he looked down at his
shoes to dig one into the linoleum of the floor. “Listen, I fuckin’ love your
tits, okay? And your ass is like, uh… I can bounce a quarter off your ass,
babe.” He looked up to meet her eyes, seeing her face just as dark as it had
been when she’d stormed off earlier. She was getting angry. “Our sex life is
fuckin’ fantastic, I mean the shit you do to me that I never thought about
before we met, like, damn.” He scratched at the back of his scalp with an
embarrassed laugh. “Okay, but what I’m tryin’ to say right now is that I love
you, Mey. Like, yeah, sure, we fight constantly, and I don’t talk about you as
much as I should, but uh… Oh, fuck it.” He yanked the box out again, thrusting
it toward her. “Will you just fuckin’ marry me? Please?”
 
Sebastian facepalmed. Mey was staring at him with the blankest expression, her
mouth hung open. They stood there staring at each other, Mey’s eyes empty and
her face beet red, Bard’s face going paler by the minute. The tension in the
air was palpable and everyone began to shift in their seats uncomfortably. She
was going to reject him.
 
Finally, she took a deep breath, looked down at her shoes. “Okay,” she said,
raising her eyes and letting a small smile grace her lips.
 
“Okay?” Bard replied, dumbfounded. He grinned. “Okay! Cool!” He walked toward
her, removed the ring and slid it on her finger. He then turned to walk away,
only for Mey to grab the back of his shirt.
 
“No, you stay right here, you piece of fucking shit.” Mey smiled, then let go
of his shirt. She turned back to her table and picked up the plates she had
been taking when he’d stopped her. She walked off with them, disappearing into
the kitchen for a few seconds. Sebastian watched her move, noting she was
taking her time more than usual, and Bard stared at him in complete confusion.
She burst back into the room, taking deliberate strides toward Bard. She stood
in front of him for a few seconds, and he gave her a sheepish grin.
 
“Hey,” he said.
 
“Hey,” she responded. She then raised a hand and slapped him clear across the
face. The loud  smack  rang throughout the entire diner and everyone turned
back to them, shocked. “You’re such a stupid fuck, you know that?”
 
Bard turned his head back to her, grabbed both her shoulders and kissed her
suddenly. It was passionate, and the diner roared with applause. Sebastian had
to turn away, his own cheeks going pink at the scene playing out in front of
him. When they finally pulled apart, Mey grabbed Bard by the collar of his
shirt and dragged him straight to the back of the restaurant. Sebastian and
Finny ran after them. “We’ll be a bit,” Bard shouted at them as he was shoved
into the office.
 
“Clean up your mess!” Sebastian yelled back as the door shut.
 
***
 
Ciel rubbed at his eye as he grabbed his luggage from the bin. It was eight-
twenty-seven in the morning, and he’d just suffered a three hour flight from
New York City back to Chicago. He loved visiting New York, but the trek home
was his worst nightmare. He hated planes more than anything else in the world.
 
As he rounded the corner from the baggage area, he saw his name written on a
giant sign. Holding the paper was his best friend, Alois, and they both grinned
when they saw each other. “Ciel!” Alois screamed, letting go of the sign with
one hand and waving.
 
Ciel sprinted toward him, the giant smile still on his face. “What are you
doing here?” he panted as he reached him. They embraced, and Alois laughed.
 
“I’m in town for a week. Just got done with  Vogue Magazine  shoot and wanted
to surprise you,” he said, still smiling wide. “So I’m your new roomie, my
guy!”
 
Ciel rolled his eyes. “Bet.”
 
Alois held up a venti cup from Starbucks. “Aaaaand I brought you a present.
Happy New Year!”
 
He grinned again, taking the coffee. “Oh my god, thank you so fucking much. The
flight was terrible.” He took a long swig, leaning his head back with a moan of
approval. “Yes! Just what I wanted!”
 
“Come on,” said Alois as he grabbed Ciel’s carry-on from his shoulder. “I
brought my new car. Drove it all the way from L.A.”
 
“Alone?” he asked as they began walking toward the exit.
 
"Hell no. You think I drive myself? I’m fifteen.” Alois wrapped an arm over
Ciel’s shoulders, throwing his head back in laughter.
 
“Then why the fuck would you waste your money on a car?” Ciel gave him a
sideways glance, bringing the coffee up to his lips again.
 
“What else am I going to spend it on? College? Food? I’m a model, Ciel, it’s
all wasted money.” He turned his head to stare at his best friend as they
continued to walk. “Speaking of food, I found the  best  pizza place this
morning while I was waiting for your flight. Like holy shit, dude. You gotta
try it.”
 
Ciel shook his head. “Can’t. 300 calories today.” He smiled. “Down three pounds
since yesterday. Hella excited.”
 
“Bruh, can’t you just move on to throwing up? It’s  so  much better. You get to
taste everything!” Alois pouted. “I can teach you. It’s really easy.”
 
The slate-haired teen shook his head again. “I’ve said no so many times. Why do
you always ask?”
 
Alois dropped his arm from Ciel’s shoulders. “Because you don’t know what
you’re missing! Dude, pizza and donuts and that cake your aunt had made for
your birthday. You missed the  cake , dude.  The fucking cake .”
 
Ciel burst out in laughter. “Who cares?”

Food. Is. Fat.  Ciel didn’t do ‘fat.’
Chapter End Notes
     I'm not gonna lie, all my betas and I cringed at Bard's proposal, so
     I hope you guys enjoyed it. Smash that kudos button for me and tell
     me what you liked?
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