Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/5700403.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      Until_Dawn_(Video_Game)
  Relationship:
      Sam/Josh_Washington, Josh/Sam
  Character:
      Josh_Washington, Sam_(Until_Dawn), light_mentions_of_jess, light_mentions
      of_chris
  Additional Tags:
      Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Drama, does_have_mentions_of_sex_abuse, be_warned
  Series:
      Part 2 of Morality_and_Mortality
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-01-12 Words: 2011
****** Mortality ******
by shiptrash1202
Summary
     Sam returns to the mines for Josh and realizes she has to tell him
     the truth.
Notes
     Warning: This fic does have mentions of childhood sexual abuse.
     Proceed with caution. This is the followup fic to the oneshot
     "Morality."
See the end of the work for more notes
About twenty minutes after Sam had left the police station, she realized that
she may have overestimated her own level of bad ass. She had been so wrapped up
in her own resolve that she hadn't even though of a plan. Now, she sat in the
ascending cable car (good thing Josh had given her and Mike the keys) feeling
more than a little worried. The lodge had blown up, so she couldn't raid it for
supplies, and the radio tower had collapsed, so she couldn't call for help
either. She wasn't too sure of what to do even if she found Josh at all. "Guess
I'll wing it," she muttered.
The cable car screeched to a halt atop Mount Washington and she climbed out
with the grace that only someone as athletic as Sam could pull off. She decided
to explore inside the station for supplies and felt at least marginally
relieved when she found a working flashlight, some beef jerky (Josh had to be
pretty hungry), and a crow bar, which Sam had decided was better than nothing
as far as weapons went. She wished there had been some water, or a first aid
kit, but the kit had been empty. She figured she had wasted enough time here
with only five hours until dusk. "If the police hadn't interrogated us for so
long," she cursed. Sam had been furious that the police had denied Jessica full
medical care until they were done questioning her. Jess' father was a hot shot
lawyer to the stars back home, so she knew the police had made a huge mistake.
There was no doubt that there would be a huge lawsuit. "Focus, Sam," she
whispered to herself, and she began trekking up the mountain.
She knew of three openings into the mines that had been used the previous
night, but knew there were more as well that Emily, Jessica, and Matt had used.
She deemed the closest to be the one that Jess and Mike had found on their way
up to the guest cabin, what with the lodge being a pile of smoldering rubble.
She followed the footprints still etched in the snow until she reached a large
fallen tree, which, after seeing no footprints in other directions, she climbed
over. She found the path again and followed it a bit farther and found the
entrance she had been looking for. She hopped down and flicked on the
flashlight. The plan, far-fetched as it was, was to pick random paths until she
found something she recognized. She looked down at her watch. Four hours until
dusk.
She had walked for about thirty minutes before she found the pool of water
where Mike had last seen Josh. She hoped that Hannah hadn't taken him far, or
that Josh had somehow wandered back to a familiar place. She also hoped that
all the Wendigo were dead or sleeping when she called out, "Josh!" as loud as
she could. Her voice reverberated through the cavern. She almost didn't hear a
whimper in response, but she barely caught it. She listened very carefully for
more noise, silently cursing the hearing damage she sustained from the
explosion. Right as she was about to give up and just guess a direction, she
heard him again, definitely from her left. She rushed down the corridor,
passing the familiar, yet horrifying, landmark of the stranger's strung up
headless corpse. She kept moving forward until she found herself at the mouth
of the cave in which she and Mike had found Josh before.
Josh was curled up in the fetal position, pressed into the farthest corner from
her. His hands were balled into fists, much like Sam remembered from a closet
in Beverly Hills just three years prior. "A lifetime ago," Sam thought. She
slowly approached Josh with her hands up in front of her as if she were
approaching a wounded animal. In a way, she was. Very softly, as calm as
possible, she said, "Hey, Josh."
He still startled despite her efforts, yelping. He had knocked his head on the
cavern's rocky walls. Sam couldn't help it. She giggled at him, remembering the
first time they met. Remembering the Josh she was there to save. His eyes
flickered at her laugh. Tears threatened to spill over as he looked her in the
eyes. "Don't tell anyone, okay?" He choked out the old familiar words before he
began to sob like he never had before. All the pain, love, and anger just
spilled from him like a tsunami. Sam dashed to his side, less violent tears
streaming down her face, and sat down beside him on the cold ground. She rested
her head on his shoulder, and remembered yet another flicker of the thousands
of tiny and simple moments between them. Maybe, Sam wondered, it was meant to
be this way all along. They both cried until there was no energy left in them
to cry with. Sam knew now what she had to do. She had to open up to Josh in a
way she hadn't with anyone before. She had to tell him everything.
"Josh, we've known each other for almost twelve years," she began. Her resolve
wavered a bit, but she remained resolute. He had to know. "But I'm looking back
and realizing you hardly know me at all." Josh looked up at her and knitted his
brows in confusion. She ignored his questioning eyes and continued. "You know I
was almost always at your house growing up, hell, all the way up until Hannah
and Beth died. I never told anyone, not even Han, why I didn't want to be at
home. I think Beth might have guessed, she was always so observant,
understanding. She had the ability to truly put herself in other people's
shoes, you know?" Josh nodded. "If she did guess, she never asked." Sam sighed,
getting to the hard part of her story. "My family is really fucked up, Josh. I
mean really fucked up. My mom, she tried to protect me from my dad, but he
threatened to kill her and would beat her constantly. She became more scared of
trying to leave than the daily abuse. She thought he would kill us. He never
beat me, Josh. Only my mom got fists. Instead, I got hands. He'd come into my
room at night and... do things to me..." Josh clenched his fists, eliciting
something like a growl. Sam continued. "It never stopped. Any time I was home
all the way until I moved out to college, he molested me. At a certain age, I
realized what he was doing, but I thought he'd kill my mom if I told anyone.
Your sisters, your parents, you. You didn't know, but you all saved me every
day I was with you. It was like you all were my real family, and my parents
were imposters. I wasn't meant to be with them, you know?" Sam paused and took
a deep breath.
"When you lost your sisters, Josh, so did I. I didn't think you would be able
to understand that, so I dealt with it alone. I let you down in the process.
When you called me that first time after they were gone, I let you down again.
I thought that I didn't need to tell you how I felt, that you always knew.
Maybe part of you did, but it wasn't enough. I was selfish. I deluded myself
into thinking you were getting better so that I wouldn't have to confront my
thoughts, and I'm sorry for that." Josh remained silent, so Sam continued on.
"When I found out it was you behind the mask last night, I first felt betrayed.
How could you terrorize the girl that you have a connection with, you know?
Then I really thought about it and realized that you hadn't betrayed me at all.
I had failed you time and time again, and this was my comeuppance. I earned it.
We all did." Josh shook his head and croaked out,
"That's not it, Sammy."
"Then why?" asked Sam.
"For the others, that's what it was. For you and Chris? No. Chris was supposed
to confess his feelings for Ashley, and you were supposed to tell me the truth.
About where we stand and who you are, I mean. I see now though that even death
doesn't inspire a confession when someone isn't ready." They both chuckled a
bit at their own stupidity. So many miscommunications had littered their path.
"I'm ready now," Sam said.
"Then tell me, Sammy."
"Well, the very first time I saw you, I think I knew that it was supposed to be
you and me. I don't know if at the time I thought you would save me, or what,
but it stuck. Hannah and Beth and I would talk for hours when we were younger
about how if you and I got married, we'd all be actual sisters. They wanted us
to end up together. I did, too. I barely even knew you. It was mostly the idea
I loved. Just a crush."
"As we grew up, my feelings towards you did, too. The night we got locked in
the closet together for seven minutes in Heaven?" Josh flinched at the memory,
but nodded. He remembered. "You were my very first kiss. It felt so perfect, so
right, you know? What happened after made me fall in love with you. You were
human, too. You had pain and troubles. You became a person to me, not just an
idea."
"Then, two years later, you came to me, and you needed me, and I admired your
fragility. I gave you my virginity that night." Josh's eyes widened in
surprise.
"I thought you hooked up with Mike sophomore year?"
"I only said I did so that no one would tease me about being a virgin. Mike got
bragging rights, I got everyone off my back. It would have sounded pretty
stupid if I had told people that I was holding out to see if the only guy I
ever loved was ever going to want to be with me, huh?"
"I suppose so," Josh said. "You could have told me, though, Sammy."
"I could have, but I didn't want to ruin the moment. You're the only person
I've ever been with, or even just kissed, Josh. I love you. I'm sorry that I
have been so blind to what you really needed all along." Sam lifted Josh's chin
so that he would meet her eyes. "Forgive me?" she asked, planting a chaste kiss
on his lips. He gave a light nod before deepening the kiss. It was slow, and
sweet, and after it was over, he slid his fingers in between hers, interlocking
them.
"Do you forgive me, Sammy? I terrorized you as a serial killer while you were
basically naked. I misunderstood you. I convinced you and everyone else that I
was recovering when I wasn't. I'm sorry, Sammy." He kissed their interlocked
fingers.
"Of course, Josh." Sam kissed him passionately for a few seconds before she
stopped to check her watch. "I hate to be a mood killer, but we have less than
an hour to get back to the cable car before dusk. Eat this," she said, shoving
the bag of jerky into his lap. He opened it immediately and began shoveling
down the food. "Can you climb?" Josh could, in fact, climb, with some (okay,
maybe more than some) help from Sam. They hurried back to the cable car and
clambered inside without a minute to spare.
"You know," Josh started, devilish grin on his face, "I've never had sex mid-
air." He winked, and Sam laughed.
"Nor have I, Mister Washington," she proclaimed before pouncing into his lap.
They had a long way to go, and not just on the trip down the mountain. But for
now, they were alive, in love, and rocking a cable car four stories above land.
And that's all that mattered.
End Notes
     Thank you for reading! If you liked it please leave me some kudos and
     feedback. I always appreciate it! <3 Also, thanks to the people who
     left comments on "Morality," for inspiring me to finish this story!
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
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