Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1104562.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Reiner_Braun/Bertolt_Hoover
  Character:
      Reiner_Braun, Bertolt_Hoover, Jean_Kirstein, Eren_Yeager, Connie
      Springer, Sasha_Blouse, Marco_Bott
  Additional Tags:
      Angst, Unrequited_Love, Amnesia, Anal_Sex, poor_bertl, Underage_Drinking,
      I_often_forget_that_these_boys_are_16, Psychological_Trauma
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-12-27 Words: 5520
****** Monsters ******
by Tiress
Summary
     Bertholdt had always had nightmares, but Reiner would always be there
     for him, right?
Reiner tossed and turned in his bunk.  He couldn’t sleep for some reason. The
bunks were heavy with the night silence and heavy breathing from the other
children.  Then he heard it, the sound of creaking wood approaching the foot of
his bed.
He slowly lifted his head and attempted to squint through the darkness and
decipher who stood there, although he had a feeling he knew exactly who.
“Reiner…”
He lightly smiled, his attention now fully on the person in front of him.
“Did you have that dream again, Bertl?” Reiner asked softly.
“Mm.” Bertholdt made a small noise of confirmation since he knew Reiner would
be unable to see him nodding his head in the dark. 
“Well come here then.” Reiner said as he wriggled over to the side of his bed
to make room for the other thirteen year old.
Bertholdt didn’t say anything as he climbed into the space Reiner made for him,
immediately tucking his face into the blonde boy’s chest and wrapping his arms
around him. 
This is how it always was since the fall of the wall.  Bertholdt would get
horrific nightmares of that day and Reiner would be there to comfort him no
matter what.  It wasn't to say that Reiner never got nightmares about it
either, but he was much better at containing his emotions. He had to be strong
for Bertholdt after all.
There was silence for a few more moments before Bertholdt let out a shaky
breath into Reiner’s shirt.
“I killed a those people.” Bertholdt whispered.  Reiner noted the front of his
shirt was now noticeably wet and that his friend’s shoulders were now lightly
convulsing. “I just want to forget.”
Truth to be told Reiner also wanted to forget that day, he wanted to forget the
sight of carnage that had surrounded them, forget Berrick’s death and how they
had been unable to do anything to stop it, to forget that they were powerless
to stop any of it.
He didn't express any of this to Bertholdt though, knowing it would just make
the taller boy feel worse he kept his thoughts on the matter to himself.
Bertholdt always felt guilty when he would cry to Reiner, Reiner didn’t need
any more sadness to add to his own, but he honestly felt he couldn't help
himself.  Reiner was the only one who knew him, the only one he could trust,
and vice versa.
They were alone here.  They mainly just kept to themselves, both afraid to
interact with the enemy.  Reiner and Bertholdt were never seen apart.  Reiner
was friendly enough to them, but he kept his distance which Bertholdt was
thankful for.
Reiner should have been able to rely on Bertholdt as well, but Bertholdt knew
he would never need him. Reiner was the strong one who could handle anything in
stride. Bertholdt was the weak one who still had nightmares even a year later
and needed to be comforted before he could go to sleep.
“We both did.” Reiner answered, his face buried into Bertholdt’s dark locks. 
He would never let Bertholdt place all of the blame on himself, even if he had
to carry all the guilt.  Reiner always knew that no matter what they would
share the burden of knowing what they had done, and he had to make sure that
Bertholdt knew that as well.
Reiner wrapped his arms even tighter around the tall boy.
“You were amazing out there you know.”
They both could remember it perfectly.  The fear in Bertholdt’s eyes forever
ingrained in Reiner’s mind, and he knew that he had met his friends gaze with
an expression that mirrored the other right before Bertholdt raised his hand to
his mouth and then the small terrified boy was no more.
“I’m a monster…”
Reiner stiffened at that.  He didn’t want to be a monster.
“No Bertl.” Reiner said, his voice suddenly full of conviction, “We aren’t
monsters, we are warriors.”
Bertholdt simply nodded at that before falling silent once more, the flow of
his tears slowly coming to a halt.  He still couldn’t shake the overwhelming
guilt, but at least he knew that Reiner would always be there as he fell asleep
in his arms.
 
 
===============================================================================
 
He was standing hundreds and feet from the ground, flying, he thought.  His
head was like a drum, his heavy heartbeat pounding in his skull.  Why was it so
hot?  He reached to take off his shirt, but found he was wearing none. His skin
prickled with waves of heat, as if he were on fire.
The screams of the innocent echoed through his brain, but his ears picked up
nothing. He was completely alone up here.  He looked down to see hundreds of
humans running, scurrying around like ants. One step and he could crush them.
He supposed he should be horrified by the thought, but up here they were
insignificant. He could kill all of them like this and not even care. He looked
to his arm, he was still human, it looked human, but then why, why was steam
rising off of it.
He blinked only to find that the skin that had previously been on his arm had
begun stripping itself away from his flesh and dissolving into nothing,
revealing pure muscle underneath. He tried to scream, but found that he
couldn’t.
‘Help me.’ Was the only thing crossing his mind, but no one came. He was
utterly alone up here. He closed his eyes praying for salvation, but all he saw
was the face of a scared blonde boy shrinking further and further away from
him.
 
“Bertl wake up!”
Bertholdt jolted awake at the sound of his name being called out from above
him.  He relaxed and gave a small smile at the realization that it was Reiner
standing over him.  He was here with him, not hundreds of feet below him. 
“You were having a nightmare.” The blonde says, perching himself on the side of
Bertholdt’s bed, causing the mattress to sink a few inches. 
Reiner had really bulked up over the past three years, while Bertholdt had
instead shot up like a tree.  Not to say that Reiner hadn’t grown tall as well,
but Bertholdt’s height had left him feeling slightly ridiculous, just another
insecurity to pile onto his others. 
“Oh…” Bertholdt replied, fidgeting with his sheets, they were damp, probably
due to him sweating in his sleep as per usual. 
“Do you want to talk about it?” Reiner asked sympathetically.  He always did
this, he always knew the answer to the question, but made sure to ask every
single time in case Bertholdt needed to vent. Bertholdt just shook his head and
sighed.
“Same as usual, don’t worry about it.”
Reiner gave a small nod.
“Well you should get out of bed, we just got here and Commander Shadis is going
to kick your ass if you’re late for roll call.” The bulky blonde added on a
more playful note.
Bertholdt looked around the barracks in panic, it was as Reiner said. They were
mostly empty save for a few recruits struggling to get their uniforms on
quickly and run out the door from which the bright light of the morning sun
shone through.
At this Bertholdt began to scramble to disentangle himself from his bed sheets,
which he had somehow managed to wrap his legs in completely has he slept, curse
his strange sleeping habits.
Reiner merely chuckled at his struggle, before lending a helping hand in
setting him free.
“Thanks.” Bertholdt said shyly, blushing in embarrassment, but still accepting
the help from his friend.
 
===============================================================================
 
 Training was hard and vigorous as per usual.  Bertholdt had been indeed been
late and was made to run laps until noon accompanied by Reiner who had refused
to leave the barracks without him. 
The pair practically collapsed into their seats at lunch time, utterly
exhausted by the workout they had just endured.  Bertholdt had wanted to take
it easy and jog around the field, but somewhere along the way Reiner had gotten
bored and challenged him to a race which was shortly followed by the two
running around the field at top speeds, Reiner hollering enthusiastically and
Bertholdt smiling to himself until they felt they could no longer breathe.
Bertholdt had pulled ahead in the first couple of laps, most likely due to his
long legs, but Reiner had won out in the end due to sheer zest and endurance
that Bertholdt simply could not compete with. Bertholdt was okay with that
though. Ever since they had joined the 104th they had found less and less time
to be alone together.
“Hey guys, what’s up?” a voice from in front of them inquired. Bertholdt looked
up to see a smiling freckled boy, Marco if he remembered correctly.  Bertholdt
liked Marco well enough, the boy was polite, always friendly and never made him
feel awkward by asking him questions about why he was so quiet. 
He was followed by Jean.  Bertholdt didn’t like him too much, he wasn’t awful,
but he was a bit of an ass. Still though, Bertholdt didn’t comment on it and
instead chose to remain quiet while Reiner got all the pleasantries out of the
way.
Bertholdt said nothing as Reiner struck up a conversation. He didn’t understand
how the blonde could talk to these people so casually, but that was Reiner,
always comfortable and never one to waiver.  It made Bertholdt slightly jealous
when Reiner would talk to other recruits, but he knew that he would always come
first.
“What about it, Bertl? Reiner said, jerking Bertholdt away from his thoughts.
“I’m sorry what?” Bertholdt responded, confused as to what he had just been
asked.
“Man you have got to stop drifting away like that, it’s not healthy.” Reiner
laughed. “Marco and Jean here just invited us to go drinking with the guys
after training, is that all right with you?”
Although Bertholdt would have done whatever Reiner wanted to do, it still
warmed him that Reiner always asked for his input, even as insignificant an
action as it was.
The tall boy simply shrugged in response, knowing that Reiner would know what
he meant.  Reiner beamed at him.
“Great, we’re in!” He said boisterously to Marco who laughed in response,
before walking away with Jean. 
“You know I’ve never really drank before…”
“Well you’ve always got to start somewhere right?” 
“Yeah, but, with them?” Bertholdt said, gesturing at the table Marco and Jean
had seated themselves at.  It wasn’t about the alcohol really, more to do with
the people, Bertholdt couldn’t help, but wonder if Reiner was being too
friendly with them.
“Look Bertl, I know what you’re worried about.  For now we just have to blend
in, and I think that this is the best way to do it.” Reiner said, his voice
low.
Bertholdt chewed at his lip anxiously.  He supposed Reiner was right, playing
the role of a soldier meant socializing with other soldiers.  He supposed he
could just let Reiner do all the leg work while he followed along, after all he
wasn’t very good with people.
“But if you really don’t want to we don’t have to.” Reiner finished. 
“Wait- no. You’re right.” Bertholdt sighed. “I’ll go. Just don’t get too
wasted.”
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Bertholdt had severely overestimated his alcohol capacity.  Everyone had told
him that he should be fine drinking hard liquor since he was so large, but they
had been wrong.  Bertholdt’s entire face was flushed and he was sweating more
profusely than usual, but for the first time in a long time he felt relaxed as
he heavily leaned on Reiner who was not nearly as drunk. 
Jean and Eren were almost as bad as he was and right now furiously arguing over
something trivial that Bertholdt was one hundred percent would lead to a fist
fight within the next three minutes. 
“So do you have anyone special?” He heard Marco ask Reiner.  What an idiot, of
course Reiner didn’t have someone special-
“Yeah, I do.”
Bertholdt gripped Reiner’s arm tight and looked at him in confusion.  Who was
Reiner seeing and why didn’t he know?  He felt as though he had just swallowed
a chunk of lead.
“Who is it?” Connie asked loudly, in between swigs.
“It’s a secret.” Reiner replied, before winking at the small, bald boy.
“That’s not fair, no keeping secrets, we’re all guys here.”
Reiner kept on dodging the question for the rest of the night while Bertholdt
fought an inaudible war with himself in his mind next to him.
 
===============================================================================
 
On the walk back to the camp grounds Bertholdt found himself struggling to walk
in a straight line, so about halfway through Reiner had draped his arm across
his back in an attempt to help his thoroughly sloshed friend.
“Who were you talking about back there?” Bertholdt slurred.  He surprised
himself with the question, he hadn’t intended on confronting Reiner about the
issue, but it had just come out. 
Reiner only laughed at him, leaving Bertholdt quite offended.  Reiner was his
best friend he had a right to know, Reiner keeping secrets from him was the
worst betrayal he could think of.
“Don’t laugh at me, why didn’t you tell me there’s someone? I deserve to know!”
Bertholdt rarely ever raised his voice.  It took him a moment to process that
unshed tears had sprung into his eyes. Why was Reiner still laughing at him?
“You can be really dense sometimes.” Reiner finally said. What? Now of all
times Reiner was addressing him as an idiot? “You should already know.”
Wait- what? Bertholdt blinked stupidly.
“I don’t-“and that was as far as he got before Reiner’s lips were on his. 
Bertholdt’s eyes were opened wide, not quite understanding what was happening
before he relaxed into the kiss and began complying with Reiner’s soft lips. 
Bertholdt had never kissed anyone before, maybe it was the alcohol, but this
felt right. The two boys kept up the pace, growing more and more familiar with
each other as the kiss continued, and the only light on them coming from a
single street lamp some ways away on the empty road.
“Reiner you…” Bertholdt breathed when they finally parted. Reiner just shook
his head and smiled at him.
“I like you, a lot.” Reiner said sincerely when Bertholdt didn’t continue his
sentence. All Bertholdt found in his capabilities to do was blush and nod
before accepting Reiner’s palm into his own as they continued down the empty
street.
‘You are the most important person in the world to me.’
 
 
===============================================================================
 
 
“We are going to get in so much trouble for this.” Bertholdt whispered as he
crept along beside Reiner. “No one is even supposed to be here.”
The sound of their boot clad footsteps resounded loudly in Bertholdt’s ears as
they skulked down the narrow passageways between the buildings next to the
training grounds. Supposedly there was a secret way out they could use to make
their way to the city without being seen leaving the training grounds. 
“Relax, Bertl.  No one goes this way and we already attended roll call, no one
will notice that we’re gone as long as we get back in time to hand back the 3DM
gear.” 
“I guess…”
“Besides when was the last time we got a day off? We deserve one!”  Reiner did
have a point, they rarely ever got any time to themselves. Ever since they had
kissed all of their displays of affection had been underhanded or kept in the
dark so no one else would see. It nagged at Bertholdt that they had to hide it,
but he also knew that if anyone ever found out it would destroy him.
Reiner was the first to step out onto the busy streets of the city, the sun
slightly blinding both of them when they emerged from the cramped alley they
had made their way from.
The streets were bustling with people and early morning excitement.  Bertholdt
smirked, Reiner had been right, it had been a while since they’d gone out and
he was seeing that now. Reiner was looking ridiculously pleased with himself as
he took Bertholdt by his sleeve and began to pull him through the crowd. 
“Where are we going?” Bertholdt asked, finally able to match Reiner’s pace. 
“I’m thinking we go get something to eat and then see where the wind takes us,
yeah?”
“Alright.”
Bertholdt felt his anxiety slowly fading away as the day progressed, he didn’t
know how, but Reiner always seemed to have that effect on him even when they
had been kids.  There was just something about the blonde that put him at
ease. 
At the moment he was slightly tense because Reiner had told him to wait there
while he got something. He had wanted to interject, but Reiner was already
walking away from him, so he complied and leaned awkwardly against a building
in an attempt to look nonchalant and unobtrusive.
Reiner came back holding two ice cream cones, one vanilla the other chocolate.
Bertholdt gaped.
“How could you afford this?” He questioned.  Sweets were something rare
nowadays, with food running short prices had gone way up, especially on
confections, as a matter of fact it was rare to find anything but the basics
for an affordable price.
“Don’t worry about it, I know a guy.” Reiner said with a grin while holding the
chocolate cone out to Bertholdt. Bertholdt took it without hesitation,
chocolate had always been his favorite. 
The two boys then walked in comfortable silence while they ate their ice cream,
hands occasionally brushing each other, but neither of them brave enough to
grasp the other’s in public.
It wasn’t until late afternoon that they ran into trouble.  They heard a shout
from down the street and immediately turned to see where it had come from. 
They turned to see a man dressed in a military uniform running towards them.
“Hey you! Trainees, what are you doing out here?!” The man shouted. Bertholdt
froze in place, he recognized the man as one he had seen on the training
grounds occasionally monitoring them. They were so screwed.
He didn’t even think when he grabbed Reiner’s hand and began a mad dash with
him in the opposite direction.  Reiner had no problem keeping up as the two ran
wildly, ducking in and out of alleys in an attempt to lose the man in pursuit.
“Bertholdt!” Bertholdt didn’t listen to Reiner calling his name, the only thing
on his mind was running.
“Bertholdt!” Reiner tried again, before roughly pulling the other boy down
another alley way, taking over the lead. “We need to get back to camp.”
Bertholdt nodded and followed Reiner through the twisting pathways of the city,
how the blonde knew where he was going was completely lost to him, but he
decided he had more important things to do than question him.
By the time they had made their way back to camp, the man following them was
long gone. Panting they burst their way into their bunks which were still
devoid of other troupes for the day. They collapsed onto the floor in a sweaty
mess of limbs and laid there silent for a few moments before Bertholdt noticed
Reiner was shaking and letting out small choked noises.
Worriedly he looked at his friend to see what was wrong only to realize that
Reiner was shaking with laughter.  Then it was audible, tears practically
streaming down Reiner’s face as he let out raucous laughter, still entangled
with Bertholdt. Then Bertholdt was joining him allowing his laughter to shake
him as well as he let his head fall to the floor and shut his eyes, content to
just share this moment. 
 
===============================================================================
 
 
“Ah!”
Bertholdt let out a sharp cry as Reiner bit into his neck before sucking on the
smooth, warm skin there, causing Bertholdt to let out a shuddery breath.
They were locked in a storage shed, blankets laid out haphazardly on the floor
from previous visits. Over time this had become their little safe haven where
they would disappear to to spend time together undisturbed.
Reiner was currently on all fours, propped up above Bertholdt who was lying
shirtless on his back in the tangle of sheets.  Bertholdt clung on to Reiner’s
shoulders as the broad man kissed his way down Bertholdt’s chest and then made
his way back up to lock lips with him.
Bertholdt melted into the kiss, moaning as Reiner began to paw at his clothed
crotch. They rarely ever let it go too far, but today was a free day due to an
intense thunderstorm that not even Shadis would make them run in, so they had
all the time in the world to be here together. 
His pants ended up getting caught beneath him, so he had to lift his hips as
Reiner struggled to pull them down off of him to reveal his semi-erect dick. 
Bertholdt reddened and looked away when Reiner refused to stop staring at him. 
He only looked back in time to see Reiner pulling his own pants down, revealing
his own erection.
They bucked against each other slowly and sensually, Bertholdt letting out
small gasps into Reiner’s mouth as their unclothed cocks rubbed against each
other. 
“Bertl.” Reiner said hotly against Bertholdt’s ear. “I want to put it in.”
Bertholdt’s eyes widened at the bold statement, but could not find it in him to
protest. If Reiner wanted it he would be happy to comply. 
Bertholdt tensed when he felt one of Reiner’s thick fingers probing at his
entrance, a finger had never seemed so large to him in his life.  He let out a
sharp cry as Reiner attempted to insert his finger. There was no way it would
work like that, he was too tight, too dry.
“It- it hurts like that Reiner.” Reiner immediately removed his hand and looked
at Bertholdt. “You uh, you have to use something to make it wet.”
It was completely unexpected when Reiner flipped him over so he was lying on
his front, Bertholdt letting out an undignified squawk as he went.
“Get on your elbows and knees.” Reiner ordered. Bertholdt didn’t know why, but
he found it unbelievably arousing when Reiner told him what to do. 
Reiner got up and walked around Bertholdt, observing shelves that were just out
of Bertholdt’s vision.  He came back and positioned himself behind the dark
skinned brunette with a small, unlabeled yellow jar that Bertholdt could not
identify.  
Then Reiner’s fingers were at him again, this time coated with a thick oily
substance as they circled around his puckered hole. Bertholdt willed himself to
relax as Reiner worked the first finger into him. Alright, it wasn’t too bad, a
little uncomfortable, but he could handle it. 
Reiner worked his finger in and out opening him up, while his other hand worked
Bertholdt’s cock back up to full mast.  Bertholdt groaned when Reiner added the
second finger, that one slightly more painful. Again he willed himself to relax
while Reiner scissor his fingers deep inside him. 
It was then that Reiner found it.  That one spot inside Bertholdt that caused
the taller boy to Jerk forwards and let out a high pitched cry. Bertholdt
didn’t know what it was, but he wanted Reiner to do that again. 
The blonde seemed to get the idea as he began hitting that spot again and again
with his fingers, causing waves of pleasure to roll through Bertholdt’s
persona. Bertholdt only let out a slight wince when Reiner added the third
finger and continued opening him up while still aiming for that spot,
encouraged by Bertholdt’s moans.
He must have decided Bertholdt was ready shortly after that, as he got to his
knees and positioned his cock at Bertholdt’s waiting entrance, the dark haired
boy panting into the crook of his arm.
“I’m ready.” And with that Reiner pushed his way in in one smooth motion,
causing Bertholdt to tilt his head back and let out a low moan.
The pace was steady and sure, two bodies that felt they belonged together,
fitting perfectly.  Bertholdt was filled to the limit and loving every moment
of having Reiner inside of him, being connected to Reiner. 
“Fuck Bertl, you’re so good.” Reiner breathed against the back of Bertholdt’s
neck. Bertholdt remained silent save for his moans.
It wasn’t until Reiner was nearing climax that he picked up the pace, brutally
pounding into Bertholdt from behind causing Bertholdt to scream in ecstasy as
he was hammered into the ground by Reiner’s dick.
“Fuck! Reiner, like that! Like that!” Bertholdt cried, his face pushed into the
floor as his arms would no longer support him. 
Bertholdt swore he blacked out for a moment when he came, the entire world
blinking out of existence for a moment, only filled with pleasure, and then he
was back down, completely spent and Reiner finishing inside of him. 
Exhausted they rolled over together, holding each other side by side, just as
they used to when they were small.
“Hey Reiner,” Bertholdt started, voice slightly horse.
“Mm?” came Reiner’s reply to show that he was listening.
“I- I love you.”
There was no reply for a moment and Bertholdt momentarily feared that he had
gone too far.
“I love you too.”
Maybe everything was going to be okay for them.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Bertholdt sighed. He had woken up late again. He groaned as he began to contort
himself out of the position he had ended up in the prior night.  Reiner was
nowhere in sight, that wasn’t anything new really.
Lately, Reiner had been spending less and less time with Bertholdt and spending
more time with ‘the guys’.  It was actually legitimately worrying to
Bertholdt.  He had always told himself that Reiner would always be there for
him, but as of two months ago his blonde seemed to be drifting further and
further away from him.
He tried not to dwell on it, Reiner was socializing to blend in, and that was
it.  He still never said anything to discourage Bertholdt from following him
around, it was just that before Bertholdt had always felt that Reiner
acknowledged him there and all of his words for the group were also directed at
him, now Bertholdt felt as though he were just some sort of shadow to be
ignored.
Bertholdt never commented on it though, after all he might just be being
paranoid that Reiner was losing sight of the mission, but he knew that was
impossible, Reiner was the strong one of the two. 
He ended up stepping into the mess hall late as he had predicted, not even
bothering to grab a tray that he knew would not be filled due to his
tardiness.  Instead he sought out his friend who was surrounded by Eren, Marco,
Jean, Armin, Mikasa, and Sasha.
Reiner seemed to be having a good time, laughing whole heartedly at something
Sasha said as Bertholdt sat down.
“Hey Bertholdt, you sleep in again?” Connie probed, shoveling spoonful’s of
oatmeal into his mouth at a pace that made Bertholdt’s stomach hurt from just
looking.
“Ah, yeah…”
“You have got to stop doing that, you must really hate eating breakfast.” Sasha
added, wiping her mouth of the last bits of her own food.
“Sorry man, I forgot to wake you up, Krista said she wanted to talk to me this
morning.” Reiner apologized, not looking the least bit sorry.
“It’s fine.” Bertholdt assured, now glad that he hadn’t eaten breakfast as his
stomach was in knots.
 
 
===============================================================================
“Hey Bertl, can I ask you something?”
“Yeah.”
Reiner and Bertholdt were sitting outside leaning against one of the walls of
their bunks, done for the day, but not quite ready to turn in they had sat down
together in silence.
“If you loved someone with all of your heart, but thought that they might not
feel the same way, what would you do?” Reiner asked, looking up at the
darkening sky. 
Bertholdt was stunned by the question. Did Reiner think that he didn’t love him
back? Was that why he had been pulling away lately? It shot relief through him
to know that there had been a reason for Reiner’s change in attitude and that
he wasn’t losing him.
He placed his hand on Reiner’s shoulder making Reiner turn to look him in the
eye.
“I would do whatever I could to make them as happy as possible.” Bertholdt
said, his words full of meaning. “But why would you ever think that?”
“I think I’m in love with Krista.”
Krista.  Bertholdt felt his entire world shatter beneath his feet in that
moment.
“Krista… she’s nice.” Bertholdt forced himself to keep talking, the words
sounding choked and fake in his own ears.
“She’s my goddess.”
Again they sat in silence, Reiner with his eyes to the sky and Bertholdt trying
to process what had just happened to him without bursting into tears.
“Reiner… Can I ask you something now?” Bertholdt whispered, breaths coming in
slightly uneven.
“Sure, is it about you and Annie? I see you looking at her all the time.”
Berthold shook his head no.  He wondered about Annie, someone like them, but
somehow managing to stay distant from everyone.
“Do you remember the fall of the wall?” Bertholdt knew it was risky asking a
question like that out in the open, but he needed to know.
“Bertholdt…” Reiner started, “How could I? We weren’t even there…”
“Right.”
 
===============================================================================
Bertholdt was running, to where he hadn’t a clue, all he knew was that he had
to keep going.  There was a weight on his back that seemed to get heavier with
every step he took, but he couldn’t stop now. 
He ran and ran in the darkness, long legs taking him closer and closer to
nowhere as he went, knowing that soon he’d be crushed by whatever object he was
carrying.  He felt as though his ribs were collapsing inwards, shards of bone
ready to pierce through his already aching heart.
And then he saw it.  A small shed that had not been inhabited in months at the
end of this darkness, where Bertholdt knew he would find what he was looking
for inside.
The weight was extraordinarily heavy by now, each step dragging slowly on the
ground as he attempted to move forward. He was almost there. Ten more steps,
six more steps, two more steps. He was at the door. 
Bertholdt pushed on the wooden entrance lightly, allowing the door to swing
open on its own. Inside stood a solitary figure, with broad shoulders and
blonde hair, its back to the door.  Bertholdt breathed a sigh of relief.
“Reiner!” He cried, trying to get the figures attention.  The figure turned.
Bertholdt felt his heart stop. Everything about this man was Reiner, but he
wasn’t this was wrong. His face was unrecognizable, this was not his friend,
and not his fellow warrior.
“You’re a monster.” It hissed at Bertholdt, cruelly.
“NO!” Bertholdt shouted, taking a step back in horror, and with that step the
weight on his shoulders finally grew too heavy crushing the frightened boy.
 
 
Bertholdt shot up in bed, gasping.  A dream, it had only been a dream.  Reiner
was still Reiner and he was not a monster.  He swung his legs out from the side
of his bed, looking over at Reiner’s in the darkness.  He needed proof. 
Quietly as possible Bertholdt made his way over to where Reiner was sleeping
and sat down on the edge of the bed, stirring the blonde from his rest.
“Bertholdt?” Reiner said groggily, blinking sleep from his eyes. “What are you
doing?”
“Reiner…”
“Did you sleep walk over here or something?”
This was all wrong, this wasn’t his Reiner, this is what Bertholdt had feared
he would find. Something completely Reiner, but still not quite him.
“Ah, yeah. I think so… I was having a nightmare…” Bertholdt added the last bit
hoping that maybe, just maybe-
“Sucks man, you should get back to bed though so you don’t sleep in again.”
“Yeah…”
“You’re lucky you walked up to me, you know, the other guys would have thought
you were being really weird.  Don’t worry I won’t tell em’ though.”
Bertholdt’s heart ached as he dragged himself back over to his own bed.  He had
always thought broken heart to just be a metaphor, but he could feel it, it
felt as though it had been physically shattered in that moment. He hoped no one
was awake enough to hear him as his shoulders shook and he noiselessly sobbed
into his pillow.  He was completely alone now.  Reiner was broken.  Reiner had
always spent all of his time helping support Bertholdt that Bertholdt had never
noticed how much Reiner was hurting as well until it was too late.
 
Reiner was gone, and honestly Bertholdt thought he didn’t have it in him to try
and bring him back. Next time, next time he swore he would carry the weight of
the world on his own and protect Reiner.  
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