Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/9096385.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence,
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Gravity_Falls
  Relationship:
      Bill_Cipher/Dipper_Pines
  Additional Tags:
      Angst, Self-Harm, Masturbation, Smut, Dark_Thoughts
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-12-28 Chapters: 1/? Words: 1691
****** Midas Touch ******
by shootingstarcipher
Summary
     Following what he believed to be a tragic accident resulting in his
     sister’s death, Dipper unintentionally made his greatest discovery
     since making his entrance into the strange town in which a great
     uncle neither he nor his sister knew very much about resided.
     It wasn’t long before what he once thought of as an unexpected,
     remarkable and much appreciated gift began to feel more like a curse
     and his suspicions were only enhanced by the sudden re-appearance of
     the demon he’d never wanted to set eyes on again after the first (and
     last) time they’d met.
There were many things that Dipper Pines wanted to forget, but none more than
the day his twin sister died. In fact, most of the memories he wished he could
banish from his mind for all of eternity and have them leave no trace behind
took place after that day - that sunny summer afternoon in Gravity Falls when
trickles of sunlight had lingered elegantly in the air but there had still been
something off about the almost eerie serenity of it all. Before then, he would
have considered it an impossibility to set eyes on a beauty comparable to that
of that quaint little town on that innocent afternoon. The emerald grass had
glowed with purity and the rush of the waterfall had brought to mind thoughts
of the most natural splendour, its clear waves glimmering in the light as the
sun beat down on it from above.
Mabel, he remembered, had glimmered too that day - with naivety.
He only wished now that he’d paid more attention to her. He remembered spending
most of that afternoon lying on the grass with a book blocking the sunlight out
of his face - and blocking his sister from his mind. She had repeatedly tried
to get his attention and each time he done his best to ignore her, his
intention being to get some peace and quiet while he could. It was a rare
moment when he had had the chance to relax without being hounded by an enraged
or devious monster or pursued by some magical creature or another and the last
thing he’d wanted was for Mabel to ruin that for him. So he’d ignored her. For
the entire afternoon, he’d ignored her.
And that had been the biggest mistake of his entire life. Possibly.
No. That had been one of the biggest mistakes of his entire life. Since then
he’d made many more mistakes just as damaging as ignoring his sister had been
and he would no doubt go on to make at least one more. But that one stuck in
his mind like a blade digging under his skin; it made his heart bleed just as
much. Kindness, innocence, wholesomeness… Everything Mabel was known for had
been drained from her that day and he had no-one to blame but himself. Well,
himself and Bill Cipher.
He should have been more careful. He should have seen the signs before it
became too late. If Bill had already returned to continue waging his war
against Dipper’s family after seemingly vanishing forever, then why would he
have thought that he’d give up without coming back for another fight?
Back then, as he lay on the grassy riverbank with his eyes glued to a book and
his mind and concentration far from where they needed to be, his body had felt
as if it had been set on fire. And that had been because of Bill. Because he
had only gotten his body back from the demon the night before and it was still
so, so painful just to exist within it. He had watched the abuse of his own
body go on in near silence, no-one but the perpetrator able to hear his cries
for help. All he’d wanted that afternoon was to just relax and forget about the
pain - the burning on his skin, the cuts and bruises and open wounds that had
leaked blood everywhere in the first instance when he’d gotten his body back.
It still hurt that Mabel hadn’t seemed to care but he chose not to dwell on
that too much. He had failed her and that was what mattered.
But she still didn’t know. No matter how many times he told her, she still just
didn’t understand. Every single time he apologised, her reply was always “What
for?” Every time she found him with blood dripping from his hands, ripping at
his own skin and sobbing his heart out, she always had to ask why he did what
he did. And yet whenever he found her with blood on her hands she could never
explain why.
He could never explain why either. He knew, of course, that he hated himself
for letting her death happen, for rejecting her when she needed him most and
for letting that goddamned demon weave his way back into their lives again,
just days after the last time. He knew. But how could he make her understand?
How could she ever understand that she only died because he had let her?
Everything had been so painful back then - painful but bearable. But it had
been bearable because Mabel had been there with him, looking after him when he
needed her to. Ever since that day it had gotten so much worse. Now it was his
turn to look after her, like he should have been doing in the first place. But
it was so, so difficult - more difficult than he ever could have imagined. She
needed him now even more than she had done when he’d let her down initially. He
just didn’t think there was any way he could redeem himself - not now it was
already too late.
Now he was not only in so much physical pain he could hardly tolerate it, but
so much emotional turmoil that he wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep
clinging onto the pathetic excuse for a life he had. That’s what Bill kept
calling him: pathetic. He used to call him intelligent, a prodigy just like the
only other human he had ever had a connection with (something which Dipper had
always considered incredible even if that connection was fake). He used to say
that he was impressed with the way he always managed to get in his way even if
it made his anger and rage flare. Now all he called him was pathetic and a
disappointment.
It was weeks since his sister had perished on that beautiful sunlit afternoon -
weeks since the guilt and horror had set in - and with every moment that passed
the dark storm of hatred and resentment inside him grew stronger, consuming
him. And nobody saw it. Nobody saw the blood staining his fingers or the
scratch marks that stayed hidden on the inside of his thighs or the tears that
clung to his eyelashes long after he’d stopped crying into his pillow. Nobody
but Bill Cipher. He knew it all and he relished in every second of it he
witnessed. Occasionally, she saw. But only long enough for her to mutter her
well-practised question and then she’d forget soon after. Memories were lost on
a monster like her.
If only he’d looked up when she’d called to him, insisting for the nth time
that he stopped reading to pay attention to her, instead of giving an ambiguous
grunt - half in pain, half in frustration with his sister - with his gaze still
rooted to the pages of his book. If only he’d grabbed at her wrist just a
moment sooner… Then all of this could have been avoided. Or if he’d talked some
sense into her before they’d set off from the Mystery Shack or on the way to
riverbank, she wouldn’t have jumped in. As beautiful as the water had been, it
was still deadly - more lethal than either of them had realised at the time.
Dipper had heard her helpless, piercing cries over the rush of the waterfall
and immediately recognised them as genuine shouts for help. So he had leapt to
his feet, carelessly tossing his book aside in the process, and rushed over to
the riverbank where he saw her thrashing around in the water, struggling to
stay afloat. Being deeper than either of them had known, the water had suddenly
gone from being impossibly tranquil to incredibly dangerous. Mabel had
overestimated her capabilities as a swimmer and that simple mistake had dire
consequences.
He’d gotten there too late. He’d heard her cries too late. He’d grabbed her by
the wrist too late.
She was dead by the time he pulled her out of the water, the waves having
already wrapped themselves around her in a tight, unbreakable stranglehold. And
even though it would have been intolerably painful, it would have been so much
better if she had stayed like that - lifeless, with the water rushing down her
throat and depriving her of any chance of revival. She would have been better
off staying dead.
But instead, Dipper had just had to bring her back.
As he pulled her up onto the side of the bank and splayed her drenched,
freezing body out on the grass, her heart was no longer beating. But then he
made the mistake of reaching out and touching her - placing his fingers against
the side of her neck as he felt for a pulse. There was none; he was sure of
that. Until… until her heart suddenly sprang to life again.
He’d thought he’d simply made a mistake. That was only logical explanation and
even after everything that had happened in the last couple of months, logic was
all he really knew. There was a part of his mind that wandered, suggesting that
perhaps he hadn’t really just made a mistake, that perhaps there was something
more to it. Maybe she had died, just for a minute, and somehow… No. He couldn’t
allow himself to ponder it any longer and reason brought him back to solid
ground within a moment or so, pushing his momentary musings to the darkest
recesses of his mind.
That afternoon, he had brought her back to the Mystery Shack without another
second’s hesitation. The sun had still shone down on them as if nothing had
happened, a sinister tranquillity lingering in the air as they strayed from the
scene of Mabel’s death.
But it felt like nothing was really wrong. He had been scared, naturally -
terrified - but everything had gone back to normal, hadn’t it? Once Mabel
emerged seemingly unscathed, he’d thought everything was alright again. But he
should have known, and he did realise later that night as he slept, that there
was no such thing as normal in Gravity Falls.
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