Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/69513.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_Rowling
  Relationship:
      harry/sirius, Sirius/Remus
  Character:
      Harry_Potter, Sirius_Black, Remus_Lupin, Fred_and_George_Weasley
  Additional Tags:
      ambiguous_consent, Manipulation, wanking, Voyeurism, mild_chan_(15),
      Potion_effect
  Series:
      Part 1 of The_Confusion_Series
  Stats:
      Published: 2010-03-11 Words: 5221
****** May I? ******
by GatewayGirl
Summary
     Be careful what you eat when the twins are in the house.
Notes
     Author's Notes: This was written for Siriusly_lupin for the 2008
     Sirry Secret Santa exchange on http://community.livejournal.com/
     sirry_slash/. The request specified Christmas during OotP. With Harry
     that young, I felt it would either have to be pretty dark or be a
     potions accident, so went with the latter.
See the end of the work for more notes
The house at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place was miserable. Harry had gone up to
his room to avoid questions and advice, but then found himself unable to bear
the silence, or rather, the occasional sound muffled to the point of mystery.
Unwilling to either participate or to be left out, he put on his invisibility
cloak and crept back down the stairs, treading carefully to avoid the boards
that creaked.
In the front hall, he stopped. He could hear voices down in the kitchen, but
Fred and George were between him and the stairs down. Irritatingly, they were
standing too close together for Harry to slip between them, but the way they
stood, shoulder to shoulder, made them too wide a barrier for him to pass on
either side.
"Snape?" one whispered, and the other muffled a snort.
"That would be bad. He'd probably kill people."
"But we could hope for a can-can with lacy bloomers."
"And he hardly ever comes here, anyway."
"Remus."
"Um -- he would ... I don't know."
"Organize a discussion group?"
Both of the twins covered their mouths with their hands to muffle sniggering
laughs, but a sudden change in the noise from below cut through their
amusement. At least two people were shouting in the kitchen. Loud footsteps
started on the stairs, and Harry heard a final, audible, "Enough!" just before
Sirius came storming into view. Sirius paused, one foot nearly off the ground,
at the sight of Fred and George. Fear of being caught shot through Harry at the
sight. If he stayed where he was, Sirius might stumble into him, but if he
tried to make it up the stairs quickly, someone was sure to hear him. Just as
Sirius began to move again, Harry saw a third option and darted into the
library. That would get him out of his godfather's path.
Sirius, however, did not continue up the stairs. Instead, he swerved into the
library, forcing Harry to dodge to the side to avoid him. As Sirius slammed the
door behind him, Harry winced.
Once the crash of door against frame had died away, Sirius seemed to deflate.
His shoulders came down, and his arms fell to his sides. With a sigh, he
shuffled across the room to a desk, and opened it with a touch of his ring to
the keyhole. Harry expected his godfather to sit down and write something, but
instead, he took out a bottle of whisky, poured a small amount into a glass,
and locked the desk again. Glass in hand, he crossed to the sofa and sat down.
His feet narrowly missed a plate of biscuits when he put them on the coffee
table.
"Idiots," he said gloomily, taking a sip of the whisky and leaning back. "What
use am I here? Dumbledore could--"
The horrible memory of the last time he had eavesdropped was too close to
ignore. Quickly, so he wouldn't lose his nerve, Harry pulled his hood back.
"I'm here," he said nervously. "I wasn't following you; I just wanted to get
away."
Sirius had frozen at the appearance of Harry's head, but he hadn't twitched or
spilled his drink. Slowly, he set down the glass.
"Harry."
"Sorry," Harry said desperately. "I didn't want you to think you were alone
when you weren't."
Sirius nodded. "I appreciate that." With visible effort, he smiled.
"Considering how I stormed in here, you didn't have a chance to leave." He
patted the sofa next to him. "Come over here, then. We can sulk together."
Harry would rather have been alone, but he didn't want to say so, and have
Sirius think that meant he didn't like him, so he shrugged off his cloak and
walked over and sat on the sofa, midway between Sirius and the other end of it.
Nervously, he twisted his fingers together, and then, to have something to do,
took a biscuit. "What's going on?" he asked. The hot bite of ginger made
everything a little clearer and more normal.
Sirius shrugged, and then reached for the plate himself. "Nothing to worry
about," he said.
Harry tried not to scowl. He was tired of hearing that, especially when it
clearly wasn't true.
"Look," Sirius said desperately, "you'll be leaving soon. It's really nothing
you can help with, so let's just-- I want to enjoy my time with you, not talk
about crap you can't fix." He stuffed the biscuit in his mouth and reached for
another.
"You were coming in here to sulk," Harry pointed out, also taking a second.
"Yes, but...." Sirius shrugged. "You're the best part of here," he said, with
sudden frankness, and Harry warmed.
"I ... I wish I didn't have to go back," he said shyly. "I'd rather stay with
you."
Sirius, about to bite into a third biscuit, paused and reached over to set a
hand on Harry's shoulder. "None of that, now," he admonished fondly. "You are
going to finish school. Your parents would have wanted that."
"But it's so uselessnow," Harry protested. Sighing, he snagged another biscuit
and leaned against Sirius. "I know. I'll go back."
"I know you will," Sirius said. "You're a sensible boy, whatever some people
may think."
Harry snuggled closer, enjoying the warmth of Sirius against his side, and the
confident protection of his praise. If only they could catch Pettigrew, and he
could stay with Sirius, he knew that both of them would be happier -- and more
stable. He looked up at his godfather.
"May I sit in your lap?"
Sirius stared at him for a moment. Harry could understand that. He wasn't quite
sure where the question had come from, but now that it had emerged, he really
wanted to do it. When he wasn't trying desperately to be cheery, Sirius was
solid and reassuring, and Harry thought it would be nice to be fully warm and
close for a little while. Just as Harry was wondering if he should apologize,
Sirius smiled.
"If you want," he said, straightening up on the sofa to create a more defined
lap. "Come here, then."
Awkwardly, Harry climbed up on top of him. He had never sat in someone's lap
before, and he suspected it would have been more comfortable when he was
smaller. The uneven surface provided by Sirius's thighs was odd. However, it
put him at just the right height to tuck his face between his godfather's hair,
which held the wood smoke scent of the kitchen, and his neck, which smelled
purely of Sirius. Sirius settled an arm around him, and shifted slightly
beneath him.
"You realize this is giving me very non-fatherly thoughts?" he whispered. His
breath was whisky and warmth. Harry didn't get what he meant, at first, but
Sirius rocked his hips, raising Harry up slightly, and then he understood.
"Oh." That was strange -- exciting or scary, he couldn't quite tell. But he
liked the way Sirius was looking at him -- intently focused on him, not a
memory or a promise. "Do you like that?"
"If you don't hate it."
"I don't."
"Brilliant, then. Squirm a little?"
Grinning, Harry shifted his weight from one bum cheek to the other, and Sirius
leaned back his head and moaned.
"Oh, yeah. You're a brilliant boy. May I kiss you?"
Harry bit his lip. He wanted to please Sirius, but.... "I haven't enjoyed it,"
he confessed.
"What -- who else has kissed you?"
Sirius sounded indignant, as if no one should have. Harry frowned. "Um, Cho?"
"Oh," Sirius said in relief, "girls!"
"Well," Harry said awkwardly, "agirl."
Sirius gave him a smile that was pure mischief. "Let's see if you think I'm
better, then." He traced down the far side of Harry's face, his fingers
settling artfully along his jaw and then lightly pressing to turn Harry towards
him. "I guarantee that I'm more experienced than any sixth year."
Indeed, if asked to describe that kiss, Harry would have had far more to say
than 'wet'. Sirius had firm lips, and his stubble scratched lightly across
Harry's smoother cheek. For a long time, he kept to a gentle, shifting
pressure, letting Harry relax his mouth open before the first flirtatious
advance of his tongue. His hand moved to Harry's far hip, keeping him secure as
he pressed, and Harry felt himself moan, the sound vibrating through the kiss.
Sirius eased off.
"Sorry," Harry said quickly. "Was that wrong? I thought--"
"Shh. That was brilliant. Just wanted to look at you."
In fact, Sirius was looking at him very intently now, as if studying his face.
He continued that, as he moved his hand in from Harry's hip, dragging across
his crotch and then stopping at the bulge of Harry's cock. With a shuddering
sigh, Sirius pressed his palm up and down the soft ridge, making Harry's blood
surge.
"Want to wrap my hand around that," Sirius murmured. "May I, Harry?" He was
already unbuttoning Harry's jeans, as Harry, not trusting his voice, nodded.
"Yeah," Sirius muttered, getting to his prize. "Merlin, that feels good, you
growing hard in my hand."
Without warning, he began to kiss Harry again, fierce and deep this time,
muffling Harry's surprised cry. Harry threw an arm around his neck and kissed
back furiously, bucking up into Sirius's pumping grip.
The door opened. "Sirius, are y-- Sirius!"
The door slammed shut, after the rising exclamation from Remus Lupin, but Harry
vaguely heard muttered incantations that indicated Lupin was still in the room.
He ignored them in favor of deliberate writhing against his godfather's lap.
Me. Pay attention to me.
He heard a slap near his cock and opened his eyes to see that Lupin, clearly
furious, had grabbed Sirius by the wrist, halting his motion.
"What are you doing, Sirius? He's your godson! I know you'll shag anything, but
you can't be thatdamn drunk."
"Hey," Harry protested. "Piss off."
Sirius laughed, a sound of genuine, easy merriment. "There, Moony! Go off and
leave us alone; there's a good lad. We're having a spot of fun, and Merlin
knows there's little enough of that, here."
Lupin stared at them. The disbelief on his face was so funny that Harry laughed
as well. All at once, Lupin's face closed up tight and angry, though it no
longer seemed to be directed at them.
"Those boys!" he muttered furiously. "All evening, I've known they were up to
something." Abruptly, he focused on them again. "Have you eaten anything since
you left the rest of us? Drunk anything?"
"I've had firewhisky," Sirius said lightly, "but just a finger, if that." His
hand eased slowly back over Harry's abandoned erection.
"And a few ginger biscuits," Harry answered, gesturing at the half-empty plate,
but his attention was already drifting back to Sirius. He stretched towards
him, silently begging for another kiss, and Sirius obliged.
Someone knocked on the door, and Lupin said a word that Harry would not have
imagined hearing from his old professor. Roughly, he shoved a shoulder between
them, breaking up the kiss. "Sirius," he said intently. "Apparate Harry to my
bedroom, now. And both of you stay there."
"Will you stop getting in the way if we do?" Sirius challenged. Outside the
room, someone was laughing. There was another volley of knocks.
"Yes, damn it! Do anything you like to him, as long as you go now and keep it
in there. Go!"
Lupin whirled around, wand out and pointed at the door, and Sirius chuckled.
Harry felt himself pulled close, there was a moment of horrible sensation as if
he were being squeezed to within an inch of his life, and then he was falling
back, Sirius sprawling heavily over him. Before Harry had his breath back,
Sirius had got his knees under him and was rubbing his crotch against Harry's
in long, hard rocks of his hips. Reasoning that Sirius must like the same
things he chose to do, Harry squeezed a hand between them and groped for the
older man's cock.
With a groan, Sirius rolled to the side to give him room. "Oh, yeah. That's
it."
Harry wasn't at all sure he could do this to someone else. He didn't have any
feedback from his own touch, having to rely instead on the noises that Sirius
made, and even his capacity to feel wherehe was touching was hampered by the
thick fabric of Sirius's robes. He opened his mouth, but before he could decide
just what he needed to ask, there was a crack of Apparation, and Lupin appeared
in the room. Sirius, as if recalled to his task by the interruption, closed
with him again, his mouth questing for Harry's mouth, and his hand reaching for
Harry's cock.
For a moment, all was quiet except for heavy breathing and the sound of skin on
skin. Then Lupin took a step towards them. Sirius whipped his head around and
growled.
"I told you," Lupin said, "I won't interfere."
"Damn right, you won't!"
Lupin looked almost angry, but he didn't snap back. "I had just a little," he
said. "Enough that I should be able to take watching. You cannot be left
alone."
Sirius put his back to Lupin. Forcefully, he started to kiss Harry again, and
the hand he had around Harry's cock began to move.
Lupin's voice dropped until it was little more than a whisper. "Sirius. Listen.
Harry's going to rub against his zip if you're not careful."
Sirius gave a neutral grunt.
"I think you should slide his jeans off," Lupin said softly. He took a step
back. "If you're going to do this, he should be comfortable, after all."
"Oh." Sirius lifted his head again at that. "Right," he agreed smartly, and
went to his knees to pull at the sides of Harry's jeans. Harry lifted his hips,
and in a moment was stripped from the waist down. Sirius stared at his cock
like a starving man looking at a feast.
"God," he said. "Yeah." He licked his lips.
"Perhaps take your robes off, too," Lupin said, in a teacher's firm suggestion.
"Harry, why don't you help Sirius with his clothing?"
His voice moved as he spoke. Harry, coming up on his knees across from Sirius,
saw that Lupin had crossed over to the wall nearest the bed, and was now
leaning back against it, watching them.
"Well?" Sirius challenged, touching his cheek, and Harry nodded. He was
pleasing Sirius -- really pleasing him, and as himself, not James's son.
Smiling, he reached for the top clasp of the dark wool robes that Sirius wore.
The wide velvet collar brushed against his wrist as he opened that clasp and
moved down to the next. Sirius stayed motionless, watching him through clear
eyes, as Harry slowly bared the man's chest, and then worked his way down to
uncover a thick, nearly purple erection that left a slippery wet line on the
back of Harry's hand as he parted the cloth over it. Sirius drew in a quick
breath at the passing touch.
Finally his robes were completely unfastened, and Harry pushed the garment from
his shoulders, leaving Sirius kneeling naked on the bed. Harry felt the gentle
flush of a Warming charm starting, but didn't look up to check on Lupin. He was
far too fascinated by the sight of the thick, dark cock bobbing in front of his
own, so close that they would be touching if he were an inch or two taller.
Sirius sank back a little, evening the height. As he pulled Harry closer, Harry
watched a bead of pre-come from Sirius catch on the tip of his head and stretch
in a silver thread down his shaft. He let out a shuddering sigh.
Sirius lifted his hand, touching him again, but this time Harry could watch.
First he brought just two fingers up, one to either side of Harry's cock, as if
he were holding an exceptionally thick cigar. After a few passes that way, he
opened his hand to take Harry's cock in the crook of his thumb. He didn't grip
like Harry wanted. Instead, he left his fingers open, so as to brush against
his own erection in passing.
Recalling himself, Harry reached down to return the favor, taking his
godfather's cock in hand. It felt heavy and satisfyingly solid against his palm
as he wrapped his grip around it.
"Oh, good, Harry," Lupin said softly. His voice was still measured, but a
little more breathy than it had been earlier. "Isn't he good, Sirius? But he
knows all about wanking, I'm sure. Why don't you show him something new?"
For the first time since he had uncovered the thick cock in his hand, Harry
looked away from it, though that didn't keep him from pumping slow and tight
along its length. Lupin was still leaning against the wall, fully dressed and
unmoving, but his hand was pressed hard against the front of his worn trousers.
Sirius chuckled. "Could do that. Stop a moment, Harry." He caught at Harry's
wrist. "Has anyone ever gone down on you?"
"Has-- what?" Harry asked, muddled, and Sirius grinned manically in response.
"Sucked your cock," he elaborated, and Harry felt his eyes widen.
"Uh, no," he answered, his voice going high.
For some reason, this made Remus moan. Sirius levered Harry's frozen fingers
apart and extracted himself, but his hold on Harry tightened. He moved down so
that he was almost on his stomach, and rubbed his wet and open mouth over the
head of Harry's cock. Harry cried out.
"Good?" Sirius asked slyly.
"God, yes!"
"Mm. Lie back and get comfortable, then, and I'll show you what I can do."
Showing apparently did have something to do with it. At first, Harry stayed up
on his elbows to watch as well as feel, as Sirius took his cock between swollen
lips, pushing down to the root just once, and then sliding back up to use his
tongue around the head, teasing rather than satisfying. Daring a sideways
glance at Lupin, Harry saw his hand had gone inside his trousers and the lump
of it was moving in a steady, slow rhythm. He almost wished he could see more,
but then Sirius took him deep again, and began to move his mouth quickly up and
down, and Harry collapsed back, eyes closing from sheer overload, as
feelingbecame everything.
In an absurdly short time, he could feel himself rushing towards climax. His
body shook as he tried to control himself. "Sirius. Sirius, I'm going to-- You-
- I can't---"
"It's all right, Harry," Lupin said soothingly. "Come in his mouth. He likes
that. He'll swallow it down and lick you off, won't you, Padfoot?"
Sirius whined, and at that vibration, Harry couldn't hold it a moment longer.
Brain and cock pulsed as he shot off, and for a moment the world burned white,
and then went dark.
 
Vision started from the center and filled out. He had only lost a second, he
thought, if that -- Sirius was laving his cock with proprietary licks. By the
wall, Lupin drew his hand out of his trousers and toyed with the button at his
waistband.
"Good?" Sirius asked, looking hopeful.
"Yeah," Harry answered, laughing slightly. "Brilliant."
It was starting to register that this was a little weird, but he didn't quite
care, yet. He recalled Lupin asking about the biscuits, and realized that they
must have had a potion added to them. Satisfied that the matter was explained,
he let it go. Sirius was up on his hands and knees, his cock pointing stiffly
down. Harry wriggled lower on the bed to catch hold of it, and once again
marveled at how solid it felt in his hand.
"You're huge," he said. Sirius and Lupin both laughed.
"Not that big," Sirius said kindly. "About the same length as yours, just
wider."
Lupin moaned again at that. Peripherally, Harry saw him open his trousers.
"Don't you think you should do something for Sirius, Harry? Since he was so
good to you?"
Slowly, Harry began pumping his hand up and down Sirius's cock. "Couldn't fit
that in my mouth," he said, watching the man's face. "Not all of it."
Sirius licked his lips uncertainly.
"It doesn't need to be all of it," Remus said reassuringly. "It's good just on
the head. Sirius would like you to try, wouldn't you, Sirius?"
His eyes still on Harry, Sirius nodded. Screwing up his courage, Harry squirmed
down further, and lifted his head to take a cautious lick at the wet tip of
Sirius's cock. It tasted good. Before he could do more, Sirius threw himself
over to one side and rolled onto his back.
"Underneath is rough," he said. "Not a good first time. You'll have more
control being over me."
Grateful for the consideration, Harry smiled and moved between those spread
legs to lean over Sirius. From this angle, that swollen prick looked less
intimidating. He played with it in his hand for a moment before leaning down to
rub his mouth over it, as Sirius had done to him.
"Merlin," Sirius said. "Fuck. You angel."
Harry set his lips over just the very tip, where it pushed clear of distended
skin. Sirius moaned. Harry ran his tongue in a circle over the edge of his
foreskin and felt the thighs beside him twitch, as if Sirius wanted to shove
up, but had held himself back. Peripherally, he saw a flicker of motion and
looked over to catch Lupin drawing down his zip and pulling his cock free. It
was longer than Sirius's, but thinner, pink-tipped and pale, and slightly
curved, like the horn of a young goat. He held it so hard that his grip pressed
into the flesh, and Harry felt a renewed surge of lust. Shifting over a few
degrees to give Lupin a better view, he set his lips over his godfather's cock,
and twisted his mouth down past the head and then back up again.
It was a little uncomfortable, but the way that Sirius cried out made that
worthwhile. It was also exciting, in some way he couldn't quite identify, and
he found himself going further than he had planned to, exploring the feeling of
cock against the roof of his mouth, or pressing up against it with his tongue.
He had grown hard again, somehow, and he came up on his knees so it would show.
He dared a glance over at Lupin. The man was wanking steadily now, but it was a
leisurely motion, intended to linger.
"Sirius?" he said, his voice low. "The boy is ready to go again."
Sirius raised his head to look. "Mm." With a raised knee, he pushed at Harry's
hip. "Swing round."
"What?"
"Over my face. I'll suck you more."
"But you said--"
"Bad first time, yeah. But there are ways."
Nervously, Harry did, but he stayed high up on his knees, afraid that he would
hurt Sirius. He found that taking a cock in at this angle was different. He had
to start learning how all over again. Sirius was licking his cock and mouthing
it from the side, and he cupped Harry's arse, perhaps trying to pull him
downward, but Harry wasn't sure he could go lower without hurting him. He was
vaguely aware of Lupin approaching them, and opening a drawer, and then one of
Sirius's hands left Harry's arse and then came back cold -- or rather, Harry
realized a moment later, wet. That meant it must be Lupin who was pulling his
shirt higher, up past his waist. Harry was afraid the man would do more, but he
just sat down at the end of the mattress and returned to wanking steadily.
Slowly, Harry relaxed.
The wet feeling along the crack of his arse was warm now, and unexpectedly
good, at least until Sirius started to push in. Harry froze, Sirius's cock half
in his slack mouth, at the feeling. He drew back.
"Sirius?"
"Shh. A finger won't hurt."
"But why--"
"Harry," Lupin said softly, "weren't you doing something else with your mouth?"
Chastened, Harry licked along Sirius's cock again, and then used his hand to
lift it so he could run his mouth over the head. He could still feel that
fingertip, but it was rolling against his hole now, suggesting, rather than
demanding entrance, and when he tried to squirm away, he suddenly found himself
deeper than he would have thought possible in Sirius's mouth. Harry groaned,
and Sirius slid back and then rose up to take him deep again. Harry began to
rock in time to Sirius's effort, not caring that he was pushing himself a
little further onto the intruding digit behind each time, and finding that he
could take Sirius deeper into his mouth, as well. The sounds Sirius was making
grew higher.
"Don'tcome in his mouth, Sirius," Lupin ordered sharply. "I want to see you do
it. You owe me that, at least."
With a strained cry that vibrated around Harry's cock, Sirius jerked his hips
and tugged on Harry's hair. Harry raised his head, and almost immediately,
white gouts were spurting from Sirius's cock, leaving short, thick lines and
drops on his stomach and chest and Harry's chin. Sirius opened his mouth to
shout, but Harry plunged forward, muffling half of it. Beside them, the
intermittent noises of Lupin's wanking changed to a rapid slapping sound as his
hand moved almost too quickly to see, and Sirius grabbed Harry's cock to hold
him back, finally as rough as Harry wanted it. His second orgasm was longer and
slower than the first, his first release spattering across Sirius's face before
Sirius took him back inside.
A few feet away, Lupin's frantically moving hand froze. Lupin was silent. He
arched back, his face contorted as if he were screaming, and cupped a hand over
his cockhead to catch what came out. Harry wasn't surprised, as he collapsed
happily against Sirius, to hear Lupin muttering a cleaning spell and arranging
his clothes. A moment later, Lupin apparated away, leaving them alone.
 
Harry wasn't quite asleep, but it was pleasant to lie still, eyes closed, while
Sirius stroked his back, and opening them might be uncomfortable, because it
would mean acknowledging that he knew what they had done. He couldthink about
it now, he realized, and he didn't want to evaluate whether he still trusted
Sirius. As long as he kept his eyes closed, Sirius would not ask him anything,
and he didn't need to think.
With a pop of displaced air, Lupin returned to the room. Harry had to make an
effort not to tense. He wasn't sure if the last hour had changed his opinion of
Sirius, but he didn't need to think to know that he trusted Lupin less. He lay
carefully still.
"I spoke with the twins." The bed shifted as Lupin sat down at the other side
of Sirius.
"Mm?" Sirius said sleepily.
"It wasn't an aphrodisiac," Lupin said harshly.
"What?"
"It wasn't.You want him."
"Oh, come on, Moony!" Sirius complained. His hand lifted. Harry felt him roll
over. "I swear I've never thought of the boy that way before. They probably
don't know what it does."
"They said it suppressed inhibitions. It shares some components with
Veritaserum."
For a moment, Sirius was silent. Harry considered this. He supposed that meant
he genuinely liked cock, which was unnerving. On the other hand, what he had
originally wanted was to be close to Sirius, not to have sex with him.
Sirius had apparently reached a similar conclusion. "He climbed into my lap,
Remus," he complained. "That's the only reason it went that way. Just, once he
was there, and moving a little, I didn't see any reason not to tell him what it
was doing to me -- or to try to think about something else -- and he didn't
mind going along with it. Turning off why either of us might not have done that
isn't a minor change."
There was another silence. Harry pushed down the temptation to open his eyes.
If they knew he was awake, Lupin, at least, wouldn't talk like this.
"You wanted a young lover," Lupin said tightly.
"That's not what I said!" Sirius protested. "I said it was difficult, seeing
you so old. It's just as difficult seeing meso old, you know. I hate mirrors.
It doesn't mean I don't love you, still."
Harry was glad he had kept his eyes shut.
"I don't believe you."
Sirius sighed. "Look," he said, "I suspect I'm still somewhat under the
influence of the ginger biscuits. This is all far easier to say than it should
be, and I doubt I'd thinkof lying. You misunderstood me, all right? I didn't
even mean I wouldn't try, it's just that you--"
The mattress lurched as Lupin shoved against Sirius, pushing him into the bed
and against Harry's hip. "Oh, would you?" he said angrily. "And if you letme, I
shouldn't mind that you find me repulsive?"
"You are NOT repulsive!" Sirius shouted. After a few rough breaths, he spoke
quietly. "I said 'depressing'. It's not just-- It remindsme, when I look at you
-- that I wasn't there; that you were alone; that I never had time to get used
to those lines on your face, or maybe to change where they grew."
The bed shifted again, and there was another, longer silence. Harry heard soft,
wet sounds and realized they were kissing. Cloth pulled against cloth -- Lupin
undressing, or Sirius undressing him.
"We'll wake up Harry," Sirius whispered.
"Doesn't matter. I'm going to obliviate him anyway."
"Remus! You won't."
"Sirius, think!" Lupin insisted. "What good could it possibly do him to
remember this?"
"Well, it gets a lot of awkward experimentation out of the way," Sirius said
cheerfully.
"And do you want him thinking of you like that?" Lupin said harshly. "Wondering
if that'swhat you want when you hug him? If you'll like him more if he sucks
your prick?"
"Nothingcould make me like him more," Sirius said angrily.
"I know." They moved more. "I'm not sure he does, though."
"I'll tell him."
"It won't matter." Lupin sighed. "It's what he can believe that matters. He
doesn't believe in affection, really."
Another silence. Harry thought that he didbelieve in affection, just ... it
wasn't always real, or possible.
"Still...." Sirius trailed off.
"I'll try to disconnect the memory, rather than destroying it," Lupin soothed.
"You can tell him it's there, someday, when he's old enough to understand, and
you've had enough time together to feel confident about each other."
"All right."
Harry had to work hard to hold in any sound at Sirius's agreement. That felt
far more like a betrayal than the sex, which hadn't been his fault, or even -
- really -- bad. Beside him, Lupin and Sirius were kissing again. Sirius
moaned, and Harry felt a twinge of jealousy that hewasn't drawing that sound
out of him. He wondered if it was possible to resist Obliviation, like one
could resist the Imperius curse.
"Fuck me," Sirius ground out. His body moved further away from Harry. A bony
knee came into the space where his hip had been. Lupin bent down.
"Good night, Harry," he whispered. "Dormitare."
Night fell.
End Notes
     Go to the post-war sequel, here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/
     69523.
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